1 00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:33,526 [J‘] 2 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,069 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 3 00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:21,778 NARRATOR: Taking life as it comes. 4 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,123 Sharing the good things and the bad things. 5 00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:28,668 Finding laughter and fun wherever they go. 6 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:31,462 It’s with these two happy-go-lucky rogues 7 00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,415 that our story begins. 8 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,671 [TIRES SQUEALING] 9 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,048 [CRASH] 10 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:42,094 For it is they who were run over by Alex Diamond. 11 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:45,177 International crime-fighter and playboy. 12 00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:46,804 Fast-moving, tough-talking 13 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:49,181 and just one of the hundreds of famous people 14 00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:51,855 who suffer from Iumbago, the endemic disease 15 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,568 about which no one knows more 16 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:56,404 than this man, Dr. Emile Konig. 17 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:59,149 Doctor, surgeon, proctologist, 18 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:01,360 and selfless fighter against human suffering 19 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,036 whose doorbell was the one above 20 00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:04,996 the hero of our story tonight. 21 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,290 Rear Admiral Humphrey De Vere. 22 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,742 Yes, this is the story 23 00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:11,128 of Rear Admiral Humphrey De Vere, 24 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,296 or rather, the story of his daughter. 25 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,341 For it was her courage, foresight and understanding 26 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:17,793 that enabled us to probe beneath 27 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,636 the sophisticated veneer 28 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:22,009 of the Royal Arsenal Women ’s College, Bagshot, 29 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,558 and learn the true history of this man. 30 00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:32,521 Len Hanky. Chiropodist, voyeur, hen-teaser. 31 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:34,772 The man of whom the chairman of Fiat once said: 32 00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:38,189 [IN ITALIAN] 33 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:39,318 [PHONE RINGS] 34 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,650 Si. 35 00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:43,610 NARRATOR: Yes, tonight we examine the career of Gino Agnelli. 36 00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,283 The man who started from nothing 37 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,531 to build up one of the greatest firms in Europe. 38 00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,491 And whose telescope was bought from the shop 39 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,202 part-owned by a man who, at the age of 8, 40 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,833 stole a penknife from the son 41 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:55,797 of this man's brother’s housekeeper's 42 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,503 dental hygenist's uncle, 43 00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,711 the Reverend Charlie "Drooper" Hyper-Squawk Smith. 44 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,509 The cleft-palated RAF chaplain 45 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:09,266 who, single-handed, shot down over 500 German chaplains. 46 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:15,234 This is the story of the men who flew with him. 47 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,651 It really is. 48 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:24,276 Morning, squadron leader. 49 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,611 What ho, Squiffy. 50 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,116 How was it? 51 00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:29,365 Top-hole. Bally Jerry pranged his kite 52 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:31,324 right in the how's-your—father. 53 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:34,453 Hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, 54 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,789 took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers, 55 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,253 and caught his can in the Bertie. 56 00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,465 Afraid I don't quite follow you, 57 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,178 squadron leader. 58 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,423 It's perfectly ordinary banter, Squiffy. 59 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,600 Bally Jerry pranged his kite 60 00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:50,348 right in the how's-your—father. 61 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,143 Hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, 62 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,646 took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers, 63 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,398 and caught his can in the Bertie. 64 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:03,319 I'm just not understanding banter at all well today. 65 00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:04,988 Give us it slower. 66 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,444 Banter's not the same if you say it slower, Squiffy. 67 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:10,121 Hold on, then. Wingco! Yes? 68 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,745 Bend an ear to the squadron leader's banter for a sec? 69 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:14,493 Can do. Jolly good. 70 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,044 Fire away. 71 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,507 Bally Jerry pranged his kite 72 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,631 right in the how's-your—father. 73 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:28,136 Hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, 74 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:31,684 took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers, 75 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:35,351 and caught his can in the Bertie. 76 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:41,437 No, I don't understand that banter at all. 77 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,396 Something up with my banter, chaps? 78 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,364 [ALARM SOUNDING] 79 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,034 Hah. Bunch of monkeys on the ceiling, sir! 80 00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:50,745 Grab your egg and fours and let's get the bacon delivered. 81 00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,040 Do you understand that? 82 00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,414 No, didn't get a word of it. 83 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,541 Sorry, old man, we don't understand your banter. 84 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:08,222 You know, bally ten-penny ones dropping in the custard. 85 00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:12,559 Um, Charlie Choppers chucking a handful. 86 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:14,097 No, no, sorry. 87 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,471 Say it a bit slower, old chap. 88 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,226 Slower banter, sir? 89 00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:18,565 Rather. 90 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:22,520 Um, sausage squad up the blue end. 91 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,985 No, still don't get it. 92 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:30,035 Um, cabbage crates coming over the briny? 93 00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:35,741 ALL: No, no, no. 94 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,708 NARRATOR: But by then it was too late. 95 00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:41,004 The first cabbage crates hit London on July the 7th. 96 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,627 That was just the beginning. 97 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,249 Five shillings a dozen? 98 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,086 That's ordinary cabbages, is it? 99 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,421 And what about the bombs? 100 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:51,799 Good Lord, they are expensive. 101 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,217 Sir! 102 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:54,642 Yes, what is it? 103 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,102 News from the Western Front, sir. 104 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,429 Yes? 105 00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,102 Big enemy attack at dawn, sir. 106 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,477 Yes? 107 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:04,774 Well... 108 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:08,444 the enemy were all wearing little silver halos, sir, 109 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:09,612 and they had fairy wands 110 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,443 with big stars on the end and-- 111 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,286 They what? 112 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,453 And they had spiders 113 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,281 in matchboxes, sir. 114 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,118 Good God. How did our chaps react? 115 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,998 Well, they were jolly interested, sir. 116 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:22,371 Some of them-- 117 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,171 I think it was the 4th Armored Brigade. They-- 118 00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:25,256 They... 119 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,049 Yes? 120 00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:30,220 Well, they went and had a look at the spiders, sir. 121 00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:33,014 Oh, my God! Well, thank you, Shirley. 122 00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:35,725 Sir! 123 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,185 Get me the prime minister. 124 00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:38,394 Sir! 125 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:39,470 Not that quickly. 126 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,682 Sir. 127 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,560 Gentlemen, it's now quite apparent that the enemy 128 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,645 are not only fighting this war on the cheap, 129 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:49,443 but they're also not taking it seriously. 130 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,240 Bastards. 131 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,694 First they drop cabbages instead of decent bombs-- 132 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,161 The crates were probably expensive. 133 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,826 Quiet, critic! 134 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,495 And now they're doing very silly things in one 135 00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:01,084 of the most vital areas of the war. 136 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,162 What are we going to do, Shirley? 137 00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:06,131 Well, we've got to act fast before it saps morale. 138 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,253 We're gonna show these Chinese-- 139 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:09,334 Germans. 140 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,135 These Germans. 141 00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:13,213 We're gonna show them that no British soldier 142 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,215 will descend to their level. 143 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:18,264 Anyone found trivializing this war 144 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:21,688 will face the supreme penalty 145 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:25,233 that military law can provide. 146 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:28,736 That was all right, I think? 147 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,522 Seemed to go quite well. 148 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,199 Sapper Walters, you stand before this court 149 00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:37,287 accused of carrying on the war by other than warlike means. 150 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:41,663 To wit, that you did, on April the 16th, 1942, 151 00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:43,744 dressed up as a bag of dainties, 152 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,753 flick wet towels at the enemy 153 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,664 during the important offensive. 154 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:48,714 Well, sir-- 155 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,375 Shut up. 156 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,176 Colonel Fawcett for the prosecution. 157 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,128 [CLEARS THROAT] 158 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:55,213 Sir, we all know-- 159 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,180 Shut up. 160 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,553 I'm sorry? Carry on. 161 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,351 Sir, we all know the facts of the case. 162 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,429 That Sapper Walters, being in possession 163 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,681 of expensive military equipment, 164 00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,649 to wit, one Lee-Enfield .303 rifle 165 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,727 and 72 rounds of ammunition 166 00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:12,363 valued at 140 pounds three shillings and Sixpence, 167 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:15,362 chose instead to use wet towels 168 00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:18,945 to take an enemy command post in the area of Basingstoke. 169 00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,744 Basingstoke? Basingstoke in Hampshire? 170 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,203 Uh, no, no, no, sir, no. 171 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,955 Oh, I see, carry on. 172 00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,044 The result of his action was that the enemy-- 173 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,339 Basingstoke where? 174 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:31,667 Basingstoke in Westphalia, sir. 175 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,717 Oh, I see. Carry on. 176 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:36,258 The result of Walters' action was that the enemy 177 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,598 received wet patches upon their trousers 178 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,552 and in some cases, small, red strawberry marks 179 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,432 upon their thighs. 180 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,648 I didn't know there was a Basingstoke in Westphalia. 181 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,437 It's on the map, sir. 182 00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,151 What map? 183 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,612 The map of Westphalia as used by the army, sir. 184 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,151 Well, I've certainly never heard 185 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,115 of Basingstoke in Westphalia. 186 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,488 It's a municipal borough, 27 miles 187 00:08:58,621 --> 00:08:59,781 north-northeast of Southampton. 188 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:01,158 Its chief manufactures-- 189 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:02,622 Southampton in Westphalia? 190 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,616 Yes, sir. Bricks, clothing. 191 00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,289 Nearby are remains of Basing House, 192 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,036 burned down by Cromwell's cavalry-- 193 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,497 Who--? Who compiled this map? 194 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,498 Cole Porter, sir. 195 00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:15,092 Cole Porter, who wrote "Kiss Me, Kate"? 196 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,136 No, alas not, sir. This was the Cole Porter 197 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,009 who wrote "Anything Goes," sir. 198 00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:20,507 I shall seek to prove the man-- 199 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,099 It's the same one. 200 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:25,224 J‘ In olden days A glimpse of stocking J‘ 201 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,646 I beg your pardon? 202 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,224 J‘ In olden days A glimpse of stocking J‘ 203 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,150 J‘ Was looked on As something shocking J‘ 204 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:34,988 J‘ Now heaven knows Anything goes J‘ 205 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,653 No, this one's, uh, different, sir. 206 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,109 How did it go? 207 00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,489 What, sir? 208 00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,158 How does your "Anything Goes" go? 209 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,621 Can I go home now? 210 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,494 Shut up! Come on! 211 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,288 Sir, really, I think this is-- 212 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,334 Come on, how does your "Anything Goes" go? 213 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:52,422 J‘ Anything goes in J‘ 214 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,251 J‘ Anything goes out J‘ 215 00:09:55,345 --> 00:10:01,511 J‘ Fish, bananas, old pajamas Mutton, beef and trout J‘ 216 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,468 J‘ Anything goes in-- J‘ 217 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,177 No, that's not it. Carry on. 218 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,183 With respect, I shall prove that the man 219 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,772 before you in the dock 220 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,687 being in the possession of the following: 221 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:14,152 One pair of army boots, value, 3 pounds 7 and 6, 222 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:18,027 one pair of serge trousers, value, 2 pounds 3 and 6, 223 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:21,526 one pair of gaiters, value, 68 pounds 10 shillings, one-- 224 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,657 Sixty-eight pounds 10 shillings 225 00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:25,158 for a pair of gaiters? 226 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,490 They were special gaiters, sir. 227 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,199 Special gaiters? 228 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,454 Yes, sir, they were made in France, sir. 229 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:30,626 One beret costing 14 shillings-- 230 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:33,250 What was special about them? 231 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:36,045 They were made of a special fabric, sir. 232 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,212 The buckles were made of 233 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:38,759 empire silver instead of brass. 234 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,636 The total value of the uniform was-- 235 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:44,557 Why was the accused wearing special gaiters? 236 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,807 They were a presentation pair, sir, from the regiment. 237 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,395 The total value of the uniform-- 238 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,097 Why did they present him 239 00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,270 with a special pair of gaiters? 240 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,689 Sir, it seems to me totally irrelevant to the case 241 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,862 whether the gaiters were presented to him or not. 242 00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:00,482 The court will be able to judge that for themselves. 243 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:01,987 I want to know why the regiment 244 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,443 presented the accused 245 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:06,322 with a special pair of gaiters. 246 00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:08,281 He used to do things for them, sir. 247 00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:09,658 The total value of the uniform-- 248 00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:12,084 What things? 249 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,249 He used to oblige them, sir. 250 00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:15,371 The total value-- 251 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:16,797 Oblige them? 252 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,674 Yes, sir. The total value of the uniform-- 253 00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,626 How did he oblige them? 254 00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:22,094 What, sir? 255 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,343 How did he oblige them? 256 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:30,100 He, um, he used to make them happy in little ways, sir. 257 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,562 The total value of the uniform could-- 258 00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,230 Did he touch them at all? 259 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:36,526 Sir! I submit that this is totally irrelevant. 260 00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:38,774 I want to know how he made them happy. 261 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,114 He used to ram things up their--! 262 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,442 All right! All right! 263 00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:47,412 No need to spell it out. 264 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:50,035 What has the accused got to say? 265 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,332 What, me? 266 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,247 Yes. What have you got to say? 267 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:55,579 What can I say, sir? 268 00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:57,629 I mean, how can I encapsulate in mere words 269 00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,795 my scorn for any military solution? 270 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,294 The futility of modern warfare, 271 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,594 and the hypocrisy by which 272 00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:05,763 contemporary government applies one standard 273 00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,349 to violence within the community and another 274 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:11,720 to violence perpetrated by one community upon another? 275 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:14,267 I'm sorry, but my client has become pretentious. 276 00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:15,769 I will say in his defense-- 277 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,642 We haven't finished the prosecution! 278 00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:20,486 Shut up! I'm in charge of this court. Stand up. 279 00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,401 Sit down! Go "moo." 280 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,153 ALL: Moo. 281 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,611 See? Right, now, on with the pixie hats. 282 00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:31,323 And order in the skating vicar. 283 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:32,702 And... 284 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:38,296 J‘ Anything goes in Anything goes out J‘ 285 00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:44,424 J‘ Fish, bananas, old pajamas Mutton, beef and trout J‘ 286 00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:50,225 J‘ Anything goes in Anything goes out J‘ 287 00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:57,191 J‘ Fish, bananas, old pajamas Mutton, fish and trout J‘ 288 00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:28,384 ANNOUNCER: Yes! Coming to this cinema soon. 289 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,715 The tender, compassionate story 290 00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:35,262 of one man ’3 love for another man in drag. 291 00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,723 [SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] 292 00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:47,069 Thrill to the excitement of a night emission over Germany. 293 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,192 When the pilot, Jennifer, has to choose 294 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,243 between his secret love for Louis, 295 00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,579 the hot-bloodedly bisexual navigator, 296 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,748 and Andy, the rear gunner, 297 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,700 who, though quite assertive with girls, 298 00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,626 tends to take the submissive role 299 00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:01,747 in his relationships with men. 300 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:05,421 And sensational Mexican starlet Rosetta Nixon 301 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,422 plays the head of bomber command 302 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:11,093 whose passion for sea birds ends in tragedy. 303 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,549 With Ginger 304 00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:14,759 as the half-man, half-woman parrot 305 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,394 whose unnatural instincts 306 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:18,096 brought forbidden love to the aviary. 307 00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:20,188 And Roger as Pip, the half-parrot, 308 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,482 half-man, half-woman, 309 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:23,602 three-quarter badger, ex-bigamist, 310 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:27,109 Negro preacher for whom banjo playing was difficult. 311 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:29,607 And he never mastered it, though he took courses 312 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,990 and went to banjo college, ah, and everything. 313 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:36,364 Don 't miss it! Coming to your cinema soon. 314 00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:40,122 Only five minutes from this restaurant. 315 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,791 But now... 316 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:45,748 It's... 317 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,469 [J‘] 318 00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:25,084 [J‘] 319 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,515 Bloody repeats. 320 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:44,769 [ELECTRICITY BUZZING] 321 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,187 Ahh! 322 00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:52,194 Yes. Repeats or war films. 323 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,027 It really makes you want to micturate. 324 00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:56,323 People on television 325 00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:59,201 treat the general public like idiots. 326 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,532 Well, we are idiots. 327 00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,408 Oh, no, we are not! 328 00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,001 Well, lam. 329 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,544 How do you know you're an idiot? 330 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,087 Oh, I can show you. 331 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:08,171 How? 332 00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,544 Look. 333 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,615 [WHOOPING] 334 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,710 You see, the public are idiots. 335 00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:48,333 You might as well just show them 336 00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,085 the last five miles of the M2. 337 00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,791 They'd watch it, eh? 338 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,676 At last they done been put on something interesting. 339 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,755 Oh, most interesting. 340 00:16:57,183 --> 00:17:00,016 - We certainly ought to show something what, like, which, 341 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,680 what we are about, to, 342 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,642 (audience laughs) 343 00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:04,478 Oh, sorry, I got lost in that sentence. 344 00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:07,064 Mrs. Elizabeth the third, could you help me out? 345 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,525 - Oh, certainly, how far have you got? 346 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,271 - How far had I become. 347 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,112 - Oh, of course, so sorry. 348 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,357 How far had you become. 349 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,484 What? 350 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:18,780 Hello. 351 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,198 - Hello? 352 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,036 - How far? 353 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,323 - How far what? 354 00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:24,995 - What? 355 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,538 - Let's just watch the motorway. 356 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:27,581 - Yes, let's. 357 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,045 (engines roar) 358 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,755 - I think that was the gist of what I was just about 359 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:34,421 to be done being saying that I was. 360 00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,635 - Oh, don't start again, dear, please. 361 00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:39,130 Our figures show conclusively that these motorways 362 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,632 are extremely popular. 363 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:43,012 I mean, last time we showed a repeat 364 00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:44,305 of the Leicester Bypass, 365 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:49,432 our ratings gave us 97, 300, 912 366 00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:51,768 and ITV naught. 367 00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:53,985 So I do feel that we ought to give 368 00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:55,696 B roads their own series. 369 00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,156 I'm sorry, we just can't give you a bigger budget. 370 00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:58,240 Budgie? 371 00:17:58,327 --> 00:17:59,316 No, he's left I think. 372 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,073 Why not? 373 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,744 Well, we're only one slice of the cake, you know. 374 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:04,114 Wouldn't mind a slice of cake. 375 00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:06,540 Nice chocolate cake, delicious. 376 00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:09,001 I had a budgie once, you know. Lovely little budgie. 377 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,170 Amusing little chap. Used to stick his head in a bell. 378 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,667 What was his name, now? 379 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:16,551 Uh, Joey? Uh, Xerxes? 380 00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:17,668 We could repeat them. 381 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:18,718 Reheat them? 382 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,505 No, repeat them. 383 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,682 You don't reheat cakes. Not chocolate cakes. 384 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,349 What, repeat the cakes? 385 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,643 Mr. Heath. What? 386 00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:28,187 That was the name of the budgie. 387 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,060 Good Lord, the bar's open. 388 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,352 Oh, great. 389 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,560 Oh, no. No, it isn't. 390 00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:34,981 I was looking at the little hand 391 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:37,028 that goes round awfully fast. 392 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,737 Blast. 393 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,699 I've got it. We can retitle the repeats. 394 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,529 What, give them different names? 395 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:48,203 Wouldn't that mean retitling them? 396 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,659 BHManfl 397 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,540 Right. All we need is new titles. 398 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,792 And they must be damn new. 399 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,416 How about Dad's Navy? 400 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,088 Good, good, good. 401 00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,710 Up Your Mother Next Door. 402 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:00,965 Even better. 403 00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,922 Doctor at Bee. 404 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,299 What? [KNOCK ON DOOR] 405 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,054 Someone's knocking at the door. 406 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,305 Quite like it. Bit long, though, I think. 407 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,057 Far too long. 408 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,059 I Married Lucy. 409 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,731 Hasn't that been done? 410 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,191 Oh, yes, a long time ago, though. 411 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:15,267 They'd never remember it. 412 00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,065 Doctor at Three. 413 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,271 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 414 00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:19,522 I think someone's knocking at the door. 415 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,357 That's even longer. 416 00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:22,988 I Married a Tree. 417 00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:24,410 And Mother Makes Tree. 418 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,033 Doctor at Cake. 419 00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:27,659 Look, I'm not absolutely certain, 420 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,490 but well, I do rather get the impression 421 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:32,201 there is someone knocking on the door at this very moment. 422 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,161 That's ridiculous. Half the program gone. 423 00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,042 Stop playing games! 424 00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:38,089 I Married a Cake. 425 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:42,428 I Married Three Rabbit Jelly Molds. 426 00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:45,263 Prefer cake. Especially chocolate cake. 427 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:50,012 MAN: Open the sodding door! 428 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:51,346 NO, no. You can't say "sodding" 429 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,726 on television. NO, no. 430 00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:58,269 You're supposed to knock! 431 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:01,026 Sorry, sir, but there's trouble at Studio 5. 432 00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,607 You're in, uh, Security, are you? 433 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,192 Yes, sir. 434 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,777 Well, you're not allowed to suggest program titles. 435 00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:08,245 -lam! 436 00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:10,991 I've been in light entertainment, L-E, 437 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,992 for the last 25 cakes. 438 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:13,708 Years. 439 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:14,577 (audience laughs) 440 00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,295 Well, I'm fed up with pusillanimous, 441 00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:20,712 chocolate, pompous asses, like you, 442 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,177 who doth donut, donut, jamming them in. 443 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:25,171 - It's terrible trouble at studio five, sir! 444 00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:27,594 - Never did like cripples, too damn disturbing. 445 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:28,465 - Chuffing fun. 446 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:29,341 - Good television though. 447 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:30,217 - Really? 448 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:31,514 - My auntie had a budgie. 449 00:20:31,522 --> 00:20:33,683 Funny little chap, what was his name now? 450 00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,022 Philemon? 451 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:35,730 - [Man] Chocolate! 452 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,646 - Aristotle, Cripping? 453 00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,688 Cripple, Cripple that's it. 454 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,441 Half a beak, no wing, funny little chap. 455 00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:43,155 He died, of course, she trod on him. 456 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,615 Terrible noise, he went, (squawks) 457 00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:46,483 - What? 458 00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:47,826 - Sure. (squawks) 459 00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,161 - Blind people are the worst, 460 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,621 tapping on the legs with their sticks. 461 00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:51,454 Not very funny. 462 00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:52,323 (groaning) 463 00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:53,665 - It's a world war, sir. 464 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,330 - NO, no, no, cripples're the worst. 465 00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:56,622 Those damn wheeled chairs. 466 00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,461 They only do it to attract attention, you know. 467 00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:00,548 Hangdog expressions. (retches) 468 00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:01,506 - Mind you, I should know. 469 00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,501 The wife's in an iron lung. 470 00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:05,173 - I married an iron lung! 471 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,341 - NO, I married an iron lung. 472 00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:08,673 - And mother makes iron lungs. 473 00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:10,094 - God's truth, iron lungs. 474 00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:12,681 It's the World War series in Studio 5. 475 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:15,304 They're not taking it seriously anymore. 476 00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:17,685 You're not allowed to suggest program titles. 477 00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:20,400 Look! 478 00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:23,020 Ahh! Mind me war wound! 479 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:24,696 That's it! That's the one. 480 00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:28,033 Very good title. Very good. 481 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:32,204 J‘ Fish, bananas, old pajamas J‘ 482 00:21:36,504 --> 00:21:40,213 God! Bloody World War M series. 483 00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,506 I hate them. 484 00:21:42,593 --> 00:21:47,553 Ooh, always the same, so damn predictable. 485 00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:54,135 Depressing, miserable. 486 00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:57,313 Day after day after day after day. 487 00:21:57,399 --> 00:22:01,563 Oh. Oh, evening star, if only we could 488 00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:04,687 have a decent day tomorrow. 489 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:13,245 Oh, this weather's so wretched and awful and filthy and-- 490 00:22:13,374 --> 00:22:15,581 [SNORING] 491 00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:21,544 [RATTLING] 492 00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:24,499 What? What? What's going on? What the hell is going--? 493 00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:33,803 Now I can't even sleep. 494 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,224 [BUZZING] 495 00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:44,022 What--? What are they doing? 496 00:22:47,116 --> 00:22:48,231 [BUZZING, CLANGING] 497 00:22:48,325 --> 00:22:49,531 [GASPS] 498 00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:52,234 What was that? What was it? What is going on? 499 00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:57,664 Oh, I can't stand it. 500 00:23:00,337 --> 00:23:02,043 [NOISE FADES] 501 00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:03,371 Oh... 502 00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:06,502 [SNORING] 503 00:23:08,971 --> 00:23:10,177 [CLOCK RINGING] 504 00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:12,388 Oh! All right, that does it. That does it! 505 00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:14,135 [GRUMBUNG] 506 00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:16,680 What a lovely day. 507 00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:19,599 Oh, lthink I'm gonna just... 508 00:23:19,690 --> 00:23:22,352 [YAWNS, SNORES] 509 00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:24,020 [AIRPLANE HUMMING] 510 00:23:24,153 --> 00:23:26,439 [J‘] 511 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,125 I say. 512 00:23:46,216 --> 00:23:47,752 Yes, Daddy? 513 00:23:48,010 --> 00:23:51,173 Croquet hoops look damn pretty this afternoon. 514 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:52,594 Frightfully damn pretty. 515 00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:55,172 They're coming along awfully well this year. 516 00:23:55,309 --> 00:23:58,176 Yes, better than your Aunt Lavinia's croquet hoops. 517 00:23:58,312 --> 00:23:59,722 Oh, dreadful tin things. 518 00:23:59,855 --> 00:24:01,561 I did tell her to stick to wood. 519 00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:05,182 Yes, you can't beat wood. 520 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,438 "Gorn." 521 00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:10,521 What's "gorn," dear? 522 00:24:10,616 --> 00:24:12,356 Nothing, nothing, I just like the word. 523 00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:14,282 It gives me confidence. 524 00:24:14,370 --> 00:24:18,238 Gorn. Gorn. It's got a sort Of woody quality about it. 525 00:24:18,374 --> 00:24:22,242 Gorn. Gorn. 526 00:24:22,378 --> 00:24:25,245 Much better than "newspaper" or "litter bin." 527 00:24:25,381 --> 00:24:26,666 Oh, frightful words. 528 00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:28,543 Perfectly dreadful. 529 00:24:28,676 --> 00:24:32,385 Uh, "newspaper," "litter bin." Dreadful tinny sort of words. 530 00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:33,426 [SCREAMS] 531 00:24:33,555 --> 00:24:34,590 Tin, tin, tin. 532 00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:36,509 Oh, dear, don't say "tin" to Rebecca, 533 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,215 you know how it upsets her. 534 00:24:38,352 --> 00:24:40,684 Sorry, old horse. 535 00:24:43,565 --> 00:24:46,227 Sausage. 536 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,521 There's a good woody sort Of word, "sausage." 537 00:24:48,612 --> 00:24:52,525 [CHUCKLES] Gorn. 538 00:24:52,616 --> 00:24:53,696 Antelope! 539 00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:55,274 Where? On the lawn? 540 00:24:55,411 --> 00:24:57,072 NO, no, Daddy, just the word. 541 00:24:57,204 --> 00:24:59,536 Don't want antelope nibbling the hoops. 542 00:24:59,623 --> 00:25:03,241 No, no, "antelope." Sort of nice and woody type of thing. 543 00:25:03,377 --> 00:25:05,117 Don't think so, Becky, Old chap. 544 00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:06,664 NO, no. "Antelope," 545 00:25:06,755 --> 00:25:08,416 "antelope," tinny sort of word. 546 00:25:08,549 --> 00:25:10,631 [SCREAMS] Oh, sorry, old man. 547 00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:12,590 Really, Mansfield. 548 00:25:12,678 --> 00:25:15,670 Well, she's got to come to terms with these things. 549 00:25:17,641 --> 00:25:21,975 Seemly, prodding, 550 00:25:22,104 --> 00:25:24,766 vacuum, leap. 551 00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:26,225 Ooh, hate "leap." 552 00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:27,772 Perfectly dreadful. 553 00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:30,150 Sort of PVC sort of word, don't you know. 554 00:25:30,279 --> 00:25:31,644 Lower-middle. 555 00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:33,020 Bound. 556 00:25:33,115 --> 00:25:34,446 Now you're talking. 557 00:25:34,575 --> 00:25:39,114 Bound, vole, recidivist. 558 00:25:39,246 --> 00:25:40,326 Bit tinny. 559 00:25:40,456 --> 00:25:42,162 [SCREAMS] 560 00:25:42,291 --> 00:25:44,247 Oh, sorry, Becky, Old beast. 561 00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:47,622 Oh, dear. I suppose she'll be gorn for a few days now. 562 00:25:49,173 --> 00:25:51,164 Caribou. 563 00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:52,380 Splendid word! 564 00:25:52,468 --> 00:25:54,550 No,dean nibbling the hoops. 565 00:25:57,723 --> 00:26:01,466 Caribou gorn. 566 00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:07,187 Intercourse. 567 00:26:07,316 --> 00:26:08,647 Later, dear. 568 00:26:08,776 --> 00:26:10,641 NO, no, no. The word "intercourse." 569 00:26:10,778 --> 00:26:15,647 Good and woody. Intercourse. 570 00:26:15,783 --> 00:26:18,741 Pert, pert thighs. Botty, botty, botty. 571 00:26:18,994 --> 00:26:22,987 Oh, erogenous zone. 572 00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:29,168 Oh, concubine. Erogenous zone. 573 00:26:29,254 --> 00:26:32,462 Loose woman. Erogenous zone-- 574 00:26:32,549 --> 00:26:35,507 Oh. 575 00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:37,209 Oh, thank you, dear. 576 00:26:39,056 --> 00:26:40,512 Uh, you know, it's a funny thing, dear, 577 00:26:40,641 --> 00:26:43,257 all the naughty words sound woody. 578 00:26:43,352 --> 00:26:44,512 Really, dear? 579 00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:46,013 How about "tit"? 580 00:26:46,146 --> 00:26:49,263 Oh, dear, I hadn't thought about that. 581 00:26:49,358 --> 00:26:52,316 Tit, tit. Oh, that's very tinny, isn't it? Tit, tit. 582 00:26:52,402 --> 00:26:56,020 Uh, tinny, tinny, tinny. [SCREAMS] 583 00:26:56,156 --> 00:26:58,613 Oh, dear. 584 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:01,362 Ocelot. 585 00:27:01,453 --> 00:27:03,694 Wasp. 586 00:27:05,082 --> 00:27:06,993 Yowling. 587 00:27:08,085 --> 00:27:10,076 Oh, dear, I'm bored. 588 00:27:10,212 --> 00:27:11,998 I'd better go and have a bath, I suppose. 589 00:27:12,089 --> 00:27:14,045 Oh, really, must you, dear? You've had nine today. 590 00:27:14,133 --> 00:27:17,091 All right, I'll sack one of the servants. 591 00:27:17,219 --> 00:27:21,087 Simpkins! Nasty, tinny sort Of name. Simpkins! 592 00:27:21,223 --> 00:27:25,717 I say, mater, cabbage crates coming over the briny. 593 00:27:25,978 --> 00:27:27,593 Sorry, dear, don't understand. 594 00:27:27,729 --> 00:27:31,392 Uh, cow-catchers creeping up on the conning towers. 595 00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:33,474 No, sorry, Old sport. 596 00:27:33,569 --> 00:27:36,311 Um, caribou nibbling at the croquet hoops. 597 00:27:36,405 --> 00:27:38,737 Yes, Mansfield shot one in the antlers. 598 00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:41,573 Oh, jolly good show. ls Becca about? 599 00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:43,491 NO, she's "gorn orff." 600 00:27:43,579 --> 00:27:47,743 Oh, what a super woody sort Of phrase, "gorn orff." 601 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,413 Yes, she's gorn orff because Mansfield said "tin" to her. 602 00:27:51,503 --> 00:27:53,084 Oh, what rotten luck. 603 00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:55,754 Yeah, well, whole afternoon to kill. 604 00:27:56,049 --> 00:27:58,085 Better have a bath, Isuppose. 605 00:27:58,177 --> 00:28:00,259 Oh, Gervaise, do sing me a song. 606 00:28:00,345 --> 00:28:02,586 Oh, okay. 607 00:28:02,723 --> 00:28:04,429 Something woody. 608 00:28:07,102 --> 00:28:11,436 J‘ For she's going to marry Yum Yum J‘ 609 00:28:11,565 --> 00:28:15,353 Oh, crikey. Old song's finished her Off. 610 00:28:15,444 --> 00:28:16,775 What's "urp"? 611 00:28:17,404 --> 00:28:18,393 Urp? 612 00:28:18,405 --> 00:28:19,110 What's up? 613 00:28:19,114 --> 00:28:20,274 Oh, I'm afraid Mrs. Vermin Jones 614 00:28:20,407 --> 00:28:22,022 appears to have passed on. 615 00:28:22,951 --> 00:28:24,612 Dead, is she? Afraid so. 616 00:28:24,745 --> 00:28:28,033 What a blow for her. 617 00:28:28,123 --> 00:28:30,956 What I want to know, Mrs. Elizabeth Ill, 618 00:28:31,084 --> 00:28:33,120 is why they show us crap like this 619 00:28:33,253 --> 00:28:35,209 when there's bits Of the Leicester Bypass 620 00:28:35,297 --> 00:28:38,039 what have never been shown. Biscuit? 621 00:28:38,133 --> 00:28:40,465 Oh, thank you. 622 00:28:40,594 --> 00:28:44,337 [ELECTRICITY BUZZING] 623 00:28:44,473 --> 00:28:49,217 MAN: Appearing on the M2 were 4,281 Vauxhall Vivas 624 00:28:49,311 --> 00:28:52,644 2,117 Vauxhall Vivas deluxe-- 625 00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:27,629 Bloody repeats. 626 00:29:29,351 --> 00:29:31,592 Bloody repeats. 627 00:29:31,687 --> 00:29:36,772 Repeats or war films. Makes you want to-- 628 00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:39,391 MAN: Hello and welcome to Show Jumping from-- 629 00:29:39,528 --> 00:29:41,314 Oh, motocross. 630 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,982 --just about to go into a jump-off against the clock. 631 00:29:46,076 --> 00:29:48,032 The slight pause is for the stewards 632 00:29:48,161 --> 00:29:50,277 who are repairing The Sound of Music. 633 00:29:50,372 --> 00:29:51,987 Captain Phillips on Streuth 634 00:29:52,082 --> 00:29:54,323 caught one of the nuns at the start of 635 00:29:54,418 --> 00:29:56,704 what would’ve been a fine, clear round. 636 00:29:56,795 --> 00:29:59,411 It's a formidable obstacle, this Sound of Music. 637 00:29:59,548 --> 00:30:03,507 Eight nuns high, they're ready now and singing. 638 00:30:03,593 --> 00:30:06,335 [BELL SOUNDS] 639 00:30:06,430 --> 00:30:07,510 And there ’3 the bell. 640 00:30:07,597 --> 00:30:10,589 She's got 1.07 seconds to beat, 641 00:30:10,726 --> 00:30:12,432 but she needs a clear round to win 642 00:30:12,561 --> 00:30:14,722 as she comes towards The Sound of Music-- 643 00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:16,769 Quite exciting. 644 00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:18,430 Beautifully taken. And now she needs 645 00:30:18,567 --> 00:30:20,228 to pick up speed for Oklahomal, 646 00:30:20,319 --> 00:30:21,729 but not too much. 647 00:30:22,029 --> 00:30:23,735 This is where Alan Jones knocked down poor Jud. 648 00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:27,531 You notice how you never actually see the horses jump? 649 00:30:27,617 --> 00:30:30,734 Superb. Superb show jumping. 650 00:30:30,829 --> 00:30:33,241 She's coming up to the black-and—white minstrel show. 651 00:30:33,373 --> 00:30:35,284 Watch this. 652 00:30:35,417 --> 00:30:37,157 J‘ .--music and dance J‘ 653 00:30:37,252 --> 00:30:39,459 And she's taken it. She's over the minstrels. 654 00:30:39,588 --> 00:30:42,079 She just flicked Leslie Crowther with her tail. 655 00:30:42,174 --> 00:30:44,381 The time’s good, and now she turns 656 00:30:44,468 --> 00:30:46,083 before coming into the final jump. 657 00:30:46,178 --> 00:30:48,544 This is a tough one. It's Ben-Hur. 658 00:30:48,638 --> 00:30:52,051 Forty-six chariots, 6000 spectators, 659 00:30:52,142 --> 00:30:53,427 400 slaves, lions-- 660 00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:55,725 I bet we don't see this one. 661 00:30:57,647 --> 00:31:00,434 We interrupt show jumping to bring you a news flash. 662 00:31:00,525 --> 00:31:04,518 The Second World War has now entered a sentimental stage. 663 00:31:04,613 --> 00:31:06,604 This morning on the Ardennes front 664 00:31:06,740 --> 00:31:09,527 the Germans started spooning at dawn. 665 00:31:09,618 --> 00:31:11,358 But the British Fifth Army responded 666 00:31:11,453 --> 00:31:13,444 by gazing deep into their eyes, 667 00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:16,701 and the Germans are now reported to have gone all coy. 668 00:31:20,670 --> 00:31:24,083 J‘ When does a dream begin? J‘ 669 00:31:24,174 --> 00:31:28,793 J‘ Does it start with a Goodnight kiss? I 670 00:31:29,096 --> 00:31:33,465 J‘ Is it conceived Or simply achieved? J‘ 671 00:31:33,558 --> 00:31:42,273 J‘ When does a dream begin? J‘ 672 00:31:42,359 --> 00:31:46,352 J‘ Is it born In a moment of bliss? J‘ 673 00:31:46,488 --> 00:31:51,403 J‘ Or is it begun When two hearts are one? J‘ 674 00:31:51,493 --> 00:31:55,827 J‘ When does a dream exist? I 675 00:31:56,081 --> 00:32:00,120 J‘ The vision of you Appears somehow I 676 00:32:00,210 --> 00:32:04,670 J‘ Impossible to resist I” 677 00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:08,340 J‘ But I'm not Imagining seeing you J‘ 678 00:32:08,468 --> 00:32:13,258 J‘ For who could have Dreamed of this? J‘ 679 00:32:13,348 --> 00:32:17,682 J‘ When does a dream begin? I” 680 00:32:17,811 --> 00:32:22,601 J‘ When reality is dismissed? J‘ 681 00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:28,027 J‘ Or does it commence When we lose all pretense? J‘ 682 00:32:29,406 --> 00:32:35,572 J‘ When does a dream begin? I”