1 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:32,521 [J‘J‘] 2 00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:07,314 Let's bring them out! 3 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,439 Any old iron! 4 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:18,192 Any old iron! 5 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:22,488 Let's bring them-- Oh, thank you. 6 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,333 Thank you. 7 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:34,424 Right! Thanks! 8 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,425 Any old metal! 9 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,181 [CLEARS THROAT] 10 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:34,147 We are here today to witness the opening of a new box 11 00:02:34,196 --> 00:02:37,438 to replace the box which used to stand 12 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,731 on the corner of Ulverston Road 13 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,778 and Sandwood Crescent. 14 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,738 Owing to a program of road-widening 15 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:44,737 being carried out by the borough council, 16 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:48,078 the Ulverston Road box was removed 17 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:51,248 leaving the wall box in Esher Road 18 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:55,167 as the only box for the people of the Ulverston Road area. 19 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:58,379 This new box will enable the people 20 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,089 of the Ulverston Road area 21 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:04,761 to post letters, postcards and small packages 22 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,763 without recourse to the Esher Road box 23 00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:11,229 or to the box outside the post office at Turner's Parade 24 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,014 which many people used to use 25 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,979 but which has now been discontinued 26 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,986 owing to the opening of this box 27 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:21,444 and also to the reorganization of box distribution 28 00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:23,449 throughout the whole area 29 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,160 which comes into force with the opening of the new boxes 30 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:30,620 at the Wyatt Road post office in July. 31 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:31,662 [CLEARS THROAT] 32 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,794 [SPEAKING IN FRENCH] 33 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,020 [SPEAKING IN GERMAN] 34 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,185 NARRATOR: A perfectly ordinary morning 35 00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:41,528 in a perfectly ordinary English suburb. 36 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:44,739 Life goes on as it has done for years. 37 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,776 But soon, this quiet pattern of 38 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:49,285 life was to change irrevocably. 39 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:58,203 Soon this quiet pattern of life was to change irrevocably, 40 00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:02,049 [WHISTLES] 41 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,384 The commonplace routine of a typical Monday morning 42 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,343 would never be the same again. 43 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:12,225 For into this quiet little community came Mr. Neutron. 44 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,056 Mr. Neutron, the most dangerous 45 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:15,975 and terrifying man in the world. 46 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,106 The man with the strength of an army, 47 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,392 the wisdom of all the scholars in history. 48 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:23,437 The man who had the power to destroy the world. 49 00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:29,406 No one knows what strange and distant planet he came from, 50 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,035 or where he was going to. 51 00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,617 Wherever he went, 52 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,624 terror and destruction were sure to follow. 53 00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:38,000 For this little neighbourhood 54 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:41,087 would surely never be the same again. 55 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:46,085 Nothing was ever the same in the world of Mr. Neutron. 56 00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,095 (ominous music) 57 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,764 Mr. Neutron. The man whose incredible power 58 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:54,225 has made him the most feared man of all time, 59 00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,182 waits for his moment to destroy 60 00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:58,222 this little world utterly. 61 00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:00,106 Then there's Stanley. He's our eldest. 62 00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,977 He's a biochemist in Sutton. He's married to Shirley. 63 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,270 Shirley, who used to be the hairdresser? 64 00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,405 Yes, that's right. I think she's a lovely person. 65 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,483 He thinks she's a bit flash. Hm! 66 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,368 I hate her. I hate her guts. 67 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:13,779 They come down weekends. 68 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,288 You'll be able to meet them then. 69 00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:16,657 I'd love to. 70 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,167 Hairdressing is very interesting. 71 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,668 Oh, yes, and very important too. 72 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,625 If you don't care for your scalp, you get rabies. 73 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,964 Then there's Kenneth. He's our youngest. 74 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,125 He's a bit of a problem. 75 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:27,667 At least, my husband thinks so. 76 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:30,303 Nasty little piece of work, he is. I hate him. 77 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,428 Mind you, the one we don't hear 78 00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:33,180 much about now is Karen. 79 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,091 She married a Canadian. Uh, he's a dentist. 80 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,477 Uh, they live in Alberta. Two lovely children. 81 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,562 Gary, who's 3, Leslie, who's 6. 82 00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:41,690 Leslie looks like the spitting image of Karen. 83 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,100 Do you want to see a photo? 84 00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,268 Oh, yes, please. 85 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,811 All right. 86 00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:48,275 They're a couple of little bastards. I hate them. 87 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,236 They've got eyes like little pigs, 88 00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,650 just like their mother. 89 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,526 She's a disaster. 90 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:56,242 A really horrible-looking person, she is. 91 00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:58,623 I thought that one would stay on the shelf, 92 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,501 but along comes this stupid dentist git. 93 00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:05,038 He's a real creepy little bastard, he is. I hate him. 94 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,547 This is a nice area. 95 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,959 It's like a bloody graveyard. I hate it. 96 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:12,550 It's handy for the shops and convenient for the West End. 97 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,510 Oh, if you like going to the West End. 98 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,265 I think it's a stinking dump. 99 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:20,975 So, Mr. Neutron, the most powerful man in the universe, 100 00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,439 the man who could see through 10-inch steel, 101 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,310 the man who could catch H-bombs in his teeth, 102 00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,562 sat and bided his time, 103 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,689 surely just waiting for the moment 104 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:34,534 to use his incredible powers to destroy and lay waste all around him. 105 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,328 Meanwhile, in Washington 106 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,285 at the headquarters of F. E.A.R., 107 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,199 the Federal Egg Answering Room-- 108 00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,668 In reality, a front name for F.E.E.B.L.E: 109 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:46,204 The Free World Extra-Earthly Bodies Location 110 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:47,997 and Extermination Center. 111 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,507 All was not well. 112 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:53,715 Good God! 113 00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:55,426 Get me the supreme commander 114 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,056 of land, sea and air forces, immediately. 115 00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:59,309 [J‘J‘] 116 00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,275 [SNIFFS] 117 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:26,710 [SNIFFS] 118 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:29,088 [BUZZES] 119 00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:30,582 Hello? 120 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,250 CARPENTER: This is Carpenter from F.E.A.R. 121 00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:33,292 You mean F.E.E.B.L.E.? 122 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,426 Yes, sir. 123 00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:35,552 What is it? 124 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,714 Mr. Neutron is missing, sir. 125 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:41,259 Mr. Neutron? Oh, my God. 126 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:43,102 Okay. Surround the entire city. 127 00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,684 Send in four waves of armed paratroopers 128 00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:46,769 with full ground-to-air missile support. 129 00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:49,601 Alert all air bases. Destroy all roads. 130 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,645 We'll bomb the town flat if we have to! 131 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,440 Sir, he's not in Washington, sir. 132 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,988 Okay, okay. Hold everything. Hold everything! 133 00:08:57,037 --> 00:09:00,700 Hold it, hold it. Lay off, lay off. Lay off. 134 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:03,448 Where is he? 135 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,200 We don ’t know, sir. 136 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,618 All we know is he checked out of his hotel 137 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,290 and took a bus to the airport. 138 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:10,705 All right. 139 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:13,216 I want a full-scale red alert throughout the world. 140 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:17,129 Surround everyone with everything we've got. 141 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:18,672 Mobilize every fighting unit 142 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,966 and every weapon we can lay our hands on. 143 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,968 I want... 144 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:26,187 I want three full-scale global nuclear alerts 145 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,644 with every army, navy and air force unit 146 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,187 on eternal standby. 147 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,316 Right, sir. 148 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:32,977 And introduce conscription. 149 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,111 Yes, sir. 150 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,146 Right. 151 00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,240 [J‘J‘] 152 00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,200 [SNIFFS] 153 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:53,339 NARRATOR: So the world was in the grip of F.E.A.R. 154 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:57,218 A huge and terrifying crisis generated by one man. 155 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,174 Easily the most dangerous man 156 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,594 the world has ever seen, honestly. 157 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:05,477 Though still biding his time, he could strike at any moment. 158 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,434 You've got a bit of work to do there, then. 159 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:12,191 Yes, it is a problem. 160 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:14,102 Mrs. Ottershaw never used to bother. 161 00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:17,192 Then, of course, she was very old. She was 206. 162 00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,527 But I must be going. 163 00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,071 If you need a hand, I'll send Frank round. 164 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,485 He could do with a bit of exercise. 165 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,699 [CACKLES] 166 00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,412 Fat old bastard. 167 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,541 [J‘J‘] 168 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,716 [BUZZES] Yes? 169 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,717 CARPENTER: Captain Carpenter here, sir. 170 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:43,051 and still no sign of Mr. Neutron. 171 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,219 Have we bombed anywhere? 172 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,138 Have we shown him we got teeth? 173 00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:48,849 Oh, yes, sir. We've bombed a lot of places flat, sir. 174 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,272 Good, good. We don't want anyone to think we're chicken. 175 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,308 Oh, no. They don't think that, sir. 176 00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:56,103 Everyone's really scared of us, sir. 177 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,145 Of us? 178 00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:58,404 Yes, sir. 179 00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,814 Of our power? 180 00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,324 Oh, yes, sir. 181 00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,030 They're really scared 182 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,489 when they see those big planes come over. 183 00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:07,702 Wow, I bet they are. Ho-ho-ho! I bet they are. 184 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,661 I bet they're really scared. 185 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,542 Oh, they are, sir. 186 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,704 Do we have any figures on how scared they are? 187 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:18,049 Uh, no. No figures, sir. But they sure were scared. 188 00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,334 Ah! 189 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:20,593 But it's not working? 190 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,757 No, sir. 191 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:24,506 Okay. We'll try another tactic. 192 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,800 We'll try and outsmart this Neutron guy. 193 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,261 Yeah, there's one man I know who could nail him. 194 00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:32,105 One guy? That won't frighten anyone, sir. 195 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,141 He's the most brilliant man I ever met. 196 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,480 We were in the CIA together. He's retired now. 197 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,360 He breeds rabbits up in the Yukon. 198 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:39,691 What’s his name, sir? 199 00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,606 His name is Teddy Salad. 200 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,365 Salad, as in... ? 201 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,493 Lettuces, cucumber, radishes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 202 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,278 Where do I find him, sir? 203 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:49,038 The Yukon. 204 00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,789 Oh, and Carpenter? 205 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,457 Yes, sir? 206 00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:56,830 Make sure you get a decent disguise. 207 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,790 [J‘J‘] 208 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:23,156 [CHIMES] 209 00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,283 Oh, uh, hello. My name's Carpenter. 210 00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:27,114 I'm from the US. government. 211 00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,198 Are you from the Army? 212 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,454 No. No, no, no. 213 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,740 I'm, uh-- I'm from the ballet. 214 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,749 The US. Government Ballet. 215 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:36,707 The ballet? The ballet's coming here? 216 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,667 Uh, well, maybe. 217 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:41,549 Oh, that's great. We love the ballet. 218 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,334 Last year, some of us from Yellow River, 219 00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:46,300 we go to a party to go and see the ballet in Montreal. 220 00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,214 Look, l-- l was, uh, wondering-- 221 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,054 Oh, we had a marvelous time. 222 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,095 It was, uh, Margot Fonteyn dancing Les Sylphides. 223 00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,142 Oh, it was beautiful. 224 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,806 Look, do you know--? Do you know how old she is? 225 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,850 Who? Margot Fonteyn. 226 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,984 No. She's 206. 227 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,566 Oh. 228 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,480 Well, look, I hear there's a US. ballet organizer 229 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:07,697 round these parts by the name of Teddy Salad. 230 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,194 You mean the special agent? 231 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,036 Well, uh... 232 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,656 He's an ex-ClA man. He's not a ballet dancer. 233 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:16,122 [ALL LAUGH] 234 00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:17,501 Oh, uh, well, ljust want to see 235 00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,253 him on some ballet business. 236 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,335 Oh, well, you could try the store. 237 00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,420 Oh, thank you. 238 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:26,552 Hey, could you get us Lionel Blair's autograph? 239 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,639 NARRATOR: While precious time 240 00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,471 was being lost in Canada, 241 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,057 the seconds were ticking away for the free world. 242 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,521 Already, Neutron, who, you will remember 243 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,728 is infinitely the most dangerous man in the world, 244 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,272 he really is, 245 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,528 was gathering allies together. 246 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:46,573 Men of weak will, 247 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:49,784 who he could bend to his evil trade of world domination. 248 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:53,071 Try having an omelet for your evening meal. 249 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:55,789 Perhaps with yogurt and grapefruit. 250 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:59,248 Oh, I've tried that. I once got down to 56 stone. 251 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:02,084 But I couldn't stay like that. 252 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,548 I had to take potatoes wherever I went. 253 00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,300 | used to go out to the cinema 254 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:09,133 with three hundredweight of King Edwards. 255 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,548 I'd eat them all before I got out of the toilet. 256 00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,388 I had to go on to bread. 257 00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:15,768 What about salad? 258 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:16,978 Teddy Salad? 259 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,308 No, no, no. Salad. 260 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,599 As in lettuces, radishes, cucumber. 261 00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:22,187 WAITER: Don't like it? 262 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,772 No, l-- I didn't want to eat a salad. 263 00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:26,024 I wanted to find out about a man called Salad. 264 00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:29,191 You're the first person to order a salad here for two years. 265 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:32,076 All the Eskimos eat in here is fish, fish, fish. 266 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,112 We are not Eskimos. 267 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,239 Where's our fish? We've finished our fish. 268 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:37,452 What fish you want today, huh? 269 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,121 Bream. 270 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,665 Bream? Where do | get bream this time of year? 271 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,796 You bloody, choosy Eskimo pests. 272 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,092 Why don't you like a nice plate of cannelloni? 273 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,126 ALL: Ugh! 274 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,716 That's not fish. 275 00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,596 Oh, I've had my lot of the Arctic Circle. 276 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,507 | wish I was back in Oldham. 277 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:59,600 [SPEAKING SLOWLY] Do any of you Eskimos 278 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,480 speak English? 279 00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,642 We are not Eskimos. 280 00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:04,688 lam. 281 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:05,772 ALL: Shh! 282 00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:06,977 WAITER: Haddock! 283 00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,487 ALL: Where? 284 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:12,071 Do any of you know a man called Salad? 285 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,405 What, salad as in... ? 286 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:15,240 Lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, yeah. 287 00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,529 Like you have on your plate? 288 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:17,617 Yeah, that's right. 289 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:18,702 No, I'm afraid not. 290 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:19,991 Where's our fish? 291 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:22,243 What does this Teddy Salad do? 292 00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:26,539 Oh, uh, he-- He's a-- He's a hen-teaser. 293 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,129 [SPEAKING ITALIAN] 294 00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,043 No, the only Teddy Salad 295 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,758 we know is a CIA man. 296 00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:35,048 Oh, uh, he-- He might know. 297 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,467 ALL: Gunga, gunga, where's our fish? 298 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,010 Where will I find him? 299 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,178 Oh, he lives up at Kipper Sound. 300 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,687 Thanks a lot. 301 00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,472 ALL: I Fishy, fishy, eye-yo J‘ 302 00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:46,518 Um, are you in international spying too? 303 00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:49,020 Uh, no. No, no, no, no. 304 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,688 I'm, uh-- I'm with the, uh-- 305 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:53,403 The, uh-- The US. Ballet Force. 306 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,034 Who are you with? 307 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:57,616 Ml6. But not a word to the Eskimos. 308 00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:00,202 ALL: J‘ Fishy, fishy, eye-yo J‘ 309 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,707 Here's your bloody fish. 310 00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,247 Thank you, Anouk. 311 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,536 I'm not an Eskimo! 312 00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,545 [J‘J‘] 313 00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:17,344 CARPENTER: Hey! 314 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,679 Hey! Hey! 315 00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:24,355 Hi. I'm Carpenter of the US. Ballet. 316 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,140 Hey, great to have you around. 317 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,731 The last decent ballet we got around here was Ballet Ramben. 318 00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:30,610 Thursday, they did Pétrouchka. 319 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,022 Then on Saturday, they did Fille Mal Gardée. 320 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,611 I thought it was a bit slow, but-- 321 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,070 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sure is, 322 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:37,409 uh, nice to see you, Mr. Salad. 323 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,404 I ain't Salad. What? 324 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:40,530 You want Teddy Salad? 325 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:41,698 Yeah. 326 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,584 CARPENTER: I don't see anyone. 327 00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:47,749 The one on the end, on the right. 328 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,584 That's Salad. 329 00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:51,378 CARPENTER: That's a dog. 330 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,668 No, only bits of it. 331 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:54,756 What do you mean? 332 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,425 Listen. 333 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,763 Teddy Salad's the most brilliant agent 334 00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,303 the CIA ever had, all right? 335 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,637 Right. 336 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,426 That's how he made his name. 337 00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,394 Disguise. 338 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,271 That's incredible. Yeah. 339 00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:08,308 He had to slim down to one and a half pounds 340 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,147 to get into that costume. 341 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:13,359 And 18 inches off each arm and over 3 feet off each leg. 342 00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:16,444 The most brilliant surgeon in Europe stuck that tail on. 343 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,742 What about the head? 344 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,278 All of the head was removed 345 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,530 apart from the eyes and the brain 346 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,699 in order to fit into the costume. 347 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:26,458 That's incredible. 348 00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:27,584 Do you want to talk to him? 349 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,619 Yeah, sure. 350 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,288 Okay, uh, 351 00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:31,797 let's move over to those trees, there. 352 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,583 You never know who might be watching. 353 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,473 Mr. Salad? 354 00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:44,431 There's a Mr. Carpenter to see you. 355 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,095 What's he saying? 356 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,763 Do you have a bone? 357 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,647 Here. It's all part of the disguise. 358 00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:55,655 Okay, Teddy, here's the bone. 359 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,531 All right, you've got his trust, now. 360 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,113 You can talk to him. 361 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:04,580 Sir. Sir. Mr. Salad? 362 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,286 Sir, I've come direct 363 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,496 from the commander of land, sea and air forces. 364 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:12,292 There's a pretty dangerous situation, sir. 365 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,674 Mr. Neutron is missing. 366 00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,379 The general says you're the only one 367 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,094 who'll know where to find him. 368 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:24,599 What's he saying? 369 00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:26,681 Uh, he wants to go walkies. 370 00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:28,020 Walkies? 371 00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,555 Yeah, he-- He's right into it today. 372 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,190 Do you mind taking him for walkies? 373 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,190 NARRATOR: While Carpenter took 374 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,533 the most brilliant agent the CIA ever had for walkies, 375 00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:44,446 events in the world’s capitals were moving fast. 376 00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:46,409 [J‘J‘] 377 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,005 [BUZZES] 378 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,596 SECRETARY: Secretary of state to see you, prime minister. 379 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,101 Uh, very well, show him in. 380 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,476 - [Secretary] I beg your pardon? 381 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:10,433 - Show him in. 382 00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:11,931 - [Secretary] Ah, that's what I thought you said. 383 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,398 - Good. 384 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:16,439 - [Secretary] Sorry, I didn't quite catch the last bit. 385 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:20,156 - [Secretary] No, no, the bit after that. 386 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,945 - I didn't say anything after that. 387 00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:23,442 - [Secretary] I'm sure you did. 388 00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:24,409 - No, I didn't. 389 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:27,029 - [Secretary] You did, it was just one word. 390 00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:28,577 - It doesn't matter anyway. 391 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:29,619 - [Secretary] Oh, it does. 392 00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,743 You told me to write everything down. 393 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,412 - All right, I'll have a listen. 394 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,412 - [Secretary] What? 395 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,460 - I'm just gonna listen to what I said. 396 00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:39,754 - [Secretary] The Secretary of State 397 00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:40,968 to see you, Prime Minister. 398 00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:42,336 - [Prime Minister] Very well, show him in. 399 00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,758 - [Secretary] I beg your pardon? 400 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,256 - [Prime Minister] Show him in. 401 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:46,677 - I'm sorry? - I can't hear what you said. 402 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,096 - I'm just listening to what I said. 403 00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:48,763 - [Secretary] Oh, I'm sorry. 404 00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:50,102 - Oh, damn, now I've missed it. 405 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,142 (audience laughing) 406 00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,764 - [Recording] I am the prime minister. 407 00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:57,644 I am the prime minister, I am the prime minister. 408 00:19:57,655 --> 00:20:00,567 I am. (audience laughing) 409 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:02,735 - [Secretary] Oh, um, there's a Mr. Barlow to see you. 410 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,779 - I don't wanna see anyone. 411 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:07,529 - [Secretary] I heard that perfectly. 412 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:08,616 Prime minister. 413 00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:10,122 Oh, do take a seat. 414 00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,292 Oh! 415 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:16,287 Prime minister, we just had the supreme commander 416 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,126 of US. Forces on the phone. 417 00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,670 Apparently, they want a full-scale red alert. 418 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,209 They what? 419 00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:22,342 They want a full-scale red alert. 420 00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,003 Every troop moving-- 421 00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:27,298 It's all right, don't worry about Giuseppe. 422 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:29,262 He's English, really. I see. 423 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,723 Well, the whole structure of world peace is threatened-- 424 00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,308 Uh, your anniversary, signor? 425 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:36,724 Uh, no, no, no, Giuseppe. Not now. 426 00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:38,768 Uh, you mean this isn't the lady? 427 00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:40,311 No, no. 428 00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:43,401 Oh, signor, my mistake. Quite fine. But what we-- 429 00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,817 | play for you "My Mistake." 430 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:48,786 J‘ My mistake I 431 00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:52,369 J‘ l have made my mistake J‘ 432 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:55,751 J‘ What a dreadful mistake I 433 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:59,584 J‘ Is this mistake that | make J‘ 434 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,593 Giuseppe, do you mind playing over there? 435 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,378 Oh, very well, signor. 436 00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:10,641 But I play only for you and your beautiful companion. 437 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:14,053 J‘ My mistake I 438 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,687 Well, look, this Mr. Neutron is located 439 00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,306 somewhere in the London area. 440 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,690 We must find him and exterminate him. 441 00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:20,355 The Americans say if we don't, they will. 442 00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:21,522 What? 443 00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:22,652 The Americans say 444 00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:24,359 if we don't, they will! 445 00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,023 That he doesn't know what? 446 00:21:26,076 --> 00:21:29,694 They'll bomb the entire London area! 447 00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:31,453 We'd better get out of here! 448 00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:32,784 SECRETARY OF STATE: They won't bomb here. 449 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:35,119 Are you sure? Sure. 450 00:21:35,169 --> 00:21:37,034 Right. When are they gonna start? 451 00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:39,253 Apparently they haven't got Neutron yet. But when they do, 452 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:40,333 they're going to send in-- 453 00:21:42,051 --> 00:21:43,040 They're going to send in waves of bombers! 454 00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,337 What? What?! 455 00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:46,547 Four hundred fifty-two bombers! 456 00:21:46,597 --> 00:21:48,303 Ah, did he tell you anything? 457 00:21:48,349 --> 00:21:49,759 No, no, no. 458 00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:52,095 We chased sticks, we chased a few reindeer. 459 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,725 Oh, you been chasing reindeer, have you? 460 00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,219 You're a naughty boy, eh? 461 00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:56,853 Look, we haven't got much time. 462 00:21:57,066 --> 00:21:58,397 He hasn't given me any information yet. 463 00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:00,148 Okay. Look, tell you what, then. Let's eat. 464 00:22:00,194 --> 00:22:01,684 You give him one of your meatballs, 465 00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:03,022 he'll tell you anything, okay? 466 00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:04,687 Okay. 467 00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:06,689 - No, no, no, you guys! 468 00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:07,985 It's, "Okay!" 469 00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:09,733 More round on the oh. 470 00:22:09,745 --> 00:22:10,985 - Oh, I see. 471 00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:13,529 Is that better? 472 00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:14,656 - That's better, that's good. 473 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:15,747 - Okay. - No! 474 00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:18,580 - Oh, sorry, love, I wasn't doing the voice there. 475 00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:21,746 Okay, carry on. 476 00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:23,122 - Okay. 477 00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:24,248 Okay! 478 00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:26,466 - Now, then, I give him the meatball there. 479 00:22:26,512 --> 00:22:28,719 Wait a minute. He's trying to tell us something. 480 00:22:28,764 --> 00:22:30,254 Carpenter. 481 00:22:30,307 --> 00:22:33,094 Yeah. Carpenter. 482 00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:36,014 Yes, Mr. Salad? Can you hear me? 483 00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:37,769 Yup, yup. It's-- 484 00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:41,524 It's just it's so goddamn painful in here. 485 00:22:41,569 --> 00:22:43,230 What's the problem? 486 00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:47,397 |t-- It's Mr. Neutron, sir. He's gone missing. 487 00:22:47,449 --> 00:22:50,612 The supreme commander wants you to take charge. 488 00:22:50,661 --> 00:22:54,449 I-- Oh, God. I... 489 00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:55,662 490 00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,573 Yes, Mr. Salad? 491 00:22:57,626 --> 00:23:01,039 l... I gotta go walkies again. 492 00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:05,122 [BUZZES] 493 00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:06,756 SECRETARY: Still no sign 494 00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:09,544 of Captain Carpenter, sir. Or Mr. Neutron. 495 00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:12,504 - Okay, time's up. 496 00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:13,596 - No, no, no, no! 497 00:23:13,601 --> 00:23:15,592 Okay, time's up. 498 00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:16,467 - Get out! 499 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,143 There's only one thing left to do, but I enjoy doing it. 500 00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:24,604 We'll bomb Neutron out. 501 00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:28,646 Get me Moscow, Peking, and Shanklin, Isle of Wight. 502 00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:30,485 NARRATOR: And so the great powers 503 00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:32,608 and the people of Shanklin, Isle of Wight, 504 00:23:32,661 --> 00:23:34,822 drew their net in ever-tightening circles 505 00:23:34,997 --> 00:23:37,283 around the most dangerous threat to peace 506 00:23:37,333 --> 00:23:38,823 the world has ever faced. 507 00:23:39,001 --> 00:23:41,413 They bombed Cairo, Bangkok, Cape Town, 508 00:23:41,462 --> 00:23:43,327 Buenos Aires, Harrow, Hammersmith, 509 00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:47,123 Stepney, Wandsworth and Enfield. 510 00:23:47,176 --> 00:23:49,417 But always, it was the wrong place. 511 00:23:49,470 --> 00:23:52,507 MAN [OVER LOUDSPEAKER]: Sorry, Enfield. 512 00:23:52,514 --> 00:23:55,256 We apologize for any inconvenience 513 00:23:55,309 --> 00:23:58,517 caused by our bombing. 514 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,181 Sorry. 515 00:24:02,399 --> 00:24:04,230 NARRATOR: But what of Mr. Neutron 516 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:07,109 the most fearful/y dangerous man in the world? 517 00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:09,236 The man who could destroy entire galaxies 518 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:11,021 with his wrist. 519 00:24:11,033 --> 00:24:12,273 The man who could tear fruit machines apart 520 00:24:12,326 --> 00:24:13,782 with his eyeballs. 521 00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:15,359 He had not been idle. 522 00:24:15,412 --> 00:24:17,152 In fact, he had fallen in love 523 00:24:17,206 --> 00:24:21,199 with the lady who does for Mrs. Entrail. 524 00:24:21,210 --> 00:24:23,292 Oh, hello, Mr. N. 525 00:24:23,337 --> 00:24:25,794 Terrible about Enfield, isn't it? It's all gone. 526 00:24:26,006 --> 00:24:28,668 So is Staines. Lovely shops they used to have in Staines 527 00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:31,003 and Stanmore, you know, where the AA offices were. 528 00:24:31,053 --> 00:24:33,544 I don't know where we'll pay our AA subscriptions to now. 529 00:24:33,555 --> 00:24:36,638 Do you know where we'll pay our AA subscriptions to now? 530 00:24:36,684 --> 00:24:38,174 I didn't know you were a member 531 00:24:38,227 --> 00:24:40,764 of the AA, Mrs. S-C-U-M. 532 00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:42,428 Oh, yes. Ever since the corsair 533 00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,062 broke down in Leytonstone. 534 00:24:44,108 --> 00:24:47,191 They towed it all the way to Deauville, FOC. 535 00:24:47,236 --> 00:24:48,692 Yes, you know, FOC, "free of charge." 536 00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:50,728 Well, my husband Ken, K-E-N, he said-- 537 00:24:50,739 --> 00:24:54,231 Oh, forget about your husband, Mrs. S-C-U-M. 538 00:24:54,243 --> 00:24:56,404 Or may I call you Mrs. S? 539 00:24:56,412 --> 00:24:58,277 Well, you can call me Linda, if you like. 540 00:24:58,330 --> 00:25:01,037 No, I'd rather call you Mrs. S. 541 00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:02,198 Oh. 542 00:25:02,251 --> 00:25:05,038 And you can call me Mr. N. 543 00:25:05,087 --> 00:25:06,998 Well, that's what I was calling you. 544 00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:10,585 Mrs. S, there is something I have to tell you. 545 00:25:10,592 --> 00:25:12,332 Yes, Mr. N? 546 00:25:12,386 --> 00:25:15,503 l have just won a Kellogg's Corn Flake competition. 547 00:25:15,973 --> 00:25:18,259 Oh, Mr. N, that's wonderful. 548 00:25:18,267 --> 00:25:21,976 I got the ball in exactly the right place. 549 00:25:22,021 --> 00:25:25,388 The prize is 5000 pounds in cash 550 00:25:25,441 --> 00:25:28,023 or as much ice cream as you can eat. 551 00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:30,525 Five thousand pounds? 552 00:25:30,571 --> 00:25:33,358 l was thinking of taking the ice cream. 553 00:25:33,407 --> 00:25:34,988 Oh-- Oh, no. No. 554 00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:36,774 It's been so hot recently. 555 00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:39,242 No, well, you couldn't eat that much ice cream, Mr. N. 556 00:25:39,288 --> 00:25:42,405 Mrs. S, I can eat enormous quantities of ice cream 557 00:25:42,458 --> 00:25:44,494 without being sick. 558 00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:47,580 Oh, no, no. Take the 5000 pounds. Please take the 5000 pounds. 559 00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:49,790 l was thinking, if we got married... 560 00:25:50,007 --> 00:25:52,089 Oh, yes? 561 00:25:52,134 --> 00:25:54,796 ...we could use the 5000 pounds to buy a spoon... 562 00:25:55,012 --> 00:25:56,377 Oh, we could buy a lot more than that. 563 00:25:56,430 --> 00:25:58,637 ...and then fill up with ice cream. 564 00:26:00,142 --> 00:26:01,473 We need the money. 565 00:26:01,477 --> 00:26:03,433 We need nothing. For there is something 566 00:26:03,479 --> 00:26:05,640 l have not told you, Mrs. S-C-U-M. 567 00:26:05,689 --> 00:26:08,226 Oh, please, call me Mrs. S. 568 00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:09,981 No, I would rather go back 569 00:26:09,985 --> 00:26:12,727 to calling you Mrs. S-C-U-M, Mrs. S-C-U-M. 570 00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:15,487 I am the most powerful man in the universe. 571 00:26:15,532 --> 00:26:17,989 Oh. There is nothing I cannot do. 572 00:26:18,035 --> 00:26:20,026 Mr. N. 573 00:26:20,079 --> 00:26:22,661 I want you to be my helpmate. 574 00:26:22,706 --> 00:26:27,416 As Tarzan had his Jane, as Napoleon had his Josephine, 575 00:26:27,461 --> 00:26:30,203 as Frankie Laine had whoever he had, 576 00:26:31,715 --> 00:26:35,128 I want you to help me in my plan to dominate the world. 577 00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:38,135 Oh, Mr. N. That I should be so lucky. 578 00:26:38,180 --> 00:26:41,172 You're not Jewish, are you? 579 00:26:41,225 --> 00:26:43,261 Another time was when l was in Cairo. 580 00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:45,471 l was disguised as a water hydrant. 581 00:26:45,521 --> 00:26:48,012 The whole top part of my head had been removed, and... 582 00:26:48,065 --> 00:26:50,807 Please, Mr. Salad. You must tell us where Neutron is. 583 00:26:51,026 --> 00:26:52,562 ...and lfunctioned. Do you hear? 584 00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:55,318 I really worked. I could put out a fire. 585 00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:56,649 Please, Mr. Salad. 586 00:26:56,698 --> 00:26:58,359 Mind you, it hurt a bit. 587 00:26:58,367 --> 00:27:00,608 Please, Mr. Salad, there isn't much time. 588 00:27:00,661 --> 00:27:02,197 Where is Neutron? 589 00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:05,037 Okay. Give me another meatball and I'll tell you. 590 00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:08,707 [M R. SALAD CHOMPING] 591 00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:10,166 Mm! 592 00:27:10,212 --> 00:27:12,453 Okay. Listen carefully. 593 00:27:12,506 --> 00:27:14,747 I won't repeat this, you understand? 594 00:27:14,967 --> 00:27:16,173 Yes, yes. Quick. 595 00:27:16,218 --> 00:27:19,381 I know where Neutron is right now. 596 00:27:19,429 --> 00:27:23,342 I know the exact address and the exact house 597 00:27:23,392 --> 00:27:24,677 and the exact road. 598 00:27:24,726 --> 00:27:26,307 Okay, where is he? 599 00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:28,309 He's not in America. 600 00:27:28,355 --> 00:27:29,515 No. 601 00:27:29,565 --> 00:27:31,977 He's not in Asia. 602 00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:36,068 He's not in Australia. 603 00:27:36,113 --> 00:27:38,274 No. He's in-- 604 00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:40,234 Yes? Europe. 605 00:27:40,284 --> 00:27:41,364 Yes? 606 00:27:41,410 --> 00:27:42,695 You wanna know where in Europe? 607 00:27:42,744 --> 00:27:43,733 Yes! 608 00:27:43,787 --> 00:27:45,243 Okay, okay. I'll tell you. 609 00:27:45,289 --> 00:27:48,247 He's in England, in London, 610 00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:50,582 at number 19-- 611 00:27:50,627 --> 00:27:52,743 That's the Yukon. What's left? 612 00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:55,166 SECRETARY [OVER PHONE]: Only Ruislip, the Gobi Desert, 613 00:27:55,215 --> 00:27:56,625 and your office, sir. 614 00:27:56,675 --> 00:27:59,132 Okay. Let's start with my office. 615 00:27:59,178 --> 00:28:00,588 [SPEAKING FOREIGN DIALECT] 616 00:28:02,723 --> 00:28:06,511 [WHISTLING] 617 00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:08,346 [EXPLOSION] 618 00:28:08,395 --> 00:28:11,182 I will take you away from all this, Mrs. S-C-U-M. 619 00:28:11,231 --> 00:28:13,973 Oh, Mr. N, I'd follow you anywhere. 620 00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:16,312 We will have two weeks in Benidorm. 621 00:28:16,361 --> 00:28:18,192 Oh, yes. Yes. 622 00:28:18,238 --> 00:28:22,277 And I will make you the most beautiful woman in the world. 623 00:28:29,666 --> 00:28:33,454 Oh, it's beautiful. 624 00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:37,416 Oh, Mr. N, you have made my heart sing. 625 00:28:37,466 --> 00:28:40,128 Late in life's pageant it may be 626 00:28:40,177 --> 00:28:43,465 but you have made roses bloom anew for me. 627 00:28:44,681 --> 00:28:46,217 Life's rich harvest is being-- 628 00:28:46,266 --> 00:28:49,008 Shut up, Mrs. S. We must hurry. 629 00:28:49,061 --> 00:28:50,551 Oh. I-- Well-- I-- I-- 630 00:28:50,604 --> 00:28:52,469 I'd better leave a note for Ken. He'll be expecting it. 631 00:28:52,481 --> 00:28:54,437 [EXPLOSION] 632 00:28:54,483 --> 00:28:56,314 NARRATOR: Has Mr. Neutron escaped in time? 633 00:28:56,318 --> 00:28:58,104 Is the world utterly destroyed? 634 00:28:58,153 --> 00:29:01,316 How can Mr. Neutron and his child bride survive? 635 00:29:01,365 --> 00:29:03,356 Will his mighty powers be of any avail 636 00:29:03,408 --> 00:29:04,989 against the holocaust? 637 00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:07,359 Stay tuned to this channel. 638 00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:09,528 Hello. Uh, well, in fact, what happens is 639 00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:12,368 that they are saved by Mr. Neutron's mighty powers 640 00:29:12,417 --> 00:29:15,159 just as the last bomb falls on Ruislip. 641 00:29:15,170 --> 00:29:17,377 However, the Earth has been blown off its axis. 642 00:29:17,422 --> 00:29:19,083 And in a dramatic and dangerous 643 00:29:19,132 --> 00:29:20,372 and expensive sequence 644 00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:21,505 it spins off into space. 645 00:29:21,551 --> 00:29:23,337 There are appallingly expensive 646 00:29:23,345 --> 00:29:25,131 scenes of devastation and horror. 647 00:29:25,180 --> 00:29:27,341 And the final, incredibly expensive climax is reached 648 00:29:27,349 --> 00:29:30,216 as thousands of ape monsters in very expensive costumes 649 00:29:30,269 --> 00:29:32,351 descend from the sky onto these-- 650 00:29:32,354 --> 00:29:34,561 Plug up a whole city, which had to be specially built, 651 00:29:34,606 --> 00:29:37,564 and fling them all into the sea, very expensively. 652 00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:40,146 And we can see those very expensive scenes right now. 653 00:29:40,195 --> 00:29:42,186 [J‘J‘] 654 00:29:43,407 --> 00:29:47,025 Just after the credits have gone through. 655 00:29:47,035 --> 00:29:49,196 Incidentally, these are going to be some of the most 656 00:29:49,204 --> 00:29:52,696 expensive and lavish scenes ever filmed by the BBC. 657 00:29:52,749 --> 00:29:56,367 In conjunction with Time-Life, of course. 658 00:29:56,420 --> 00:29:58,081 These are some of the technical people 659 00:29:58,130 --> 00:29:59,791 who have been involved in filming 660 00:30:00,007 --> 00:30:01,998 these very expensive scenes. 661 00:30:02,050 --> 00:30:04,336 The sound. Very expensive sound. 662 00:30:04,386 --> 00:30:06,377 Expensive visual effects there. 663 00:30:10,726 --> 00:30:13,092 Cheap director. 664 00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:16,763 Well, you can see those very expensive scenes right now. 665 00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,430 MAN: Oh, come on. You can give us 666 00:30:18,483 --> 00:30:21,691 another minute, Mr. Cotton, please. 667 00:30:21,737 --> 00:30:23,648 [J‘J‘] 668 00:30:27,284 --> 00:30:29,149 Good evening. 669 00:30:29,202 --> 00:30:32,410 Last week, we learned how to saw a lady in half. 670 00:30:32,456 --> 00:30:33,741 This week, we're gonna learn how to 671 00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:35,200 saw a lady in three bits 672 00:30:35,250 --> 00:30:37,662 and dispose of the body-- Whoa! 673 00:30:37,711 --> 00:30:39,076 [SCREAMS] 674 00:30:39,129 --> 00:30:41,370 Look, if you can put on rubbish like that 675 00:30:41,423 --> 00:30:43,129 and Horse of the Year Show 676 00:30:43,175 --> 00:30:45,757 you can afford us another minute, Mr. Cotton, please. 677 00:30:48,513 --> 00:30:50,754 AN NOU N C ER: "World Domination " T-shirts 678 00:30:50,766 --> 00:30:52,757 are available from the BBC 679 00:30:52,809 --> 00:30:56,097 World Domination Department, Cardiff.