[MUSIC]
>> COME ON, IT'S GETTING LATE. YOU SHOULD STOP DANCING AROUND WITH THAT FOOD AND START
EATING IT.
>> MOM, YOU SAID WE COULD HAVE
THE RADIO ON.
>> I SAID YOU COULD LISTEN
TO IT.
>> YOU KNOW, MOM, I THINK WE
SHOULD BE ALLOWED SOME MOMENTS
OF HAPPINESS.
>> OKAY, YOU WANT TO KEEP
DANCING AROUND, SPILLING FOOD
ALL OVER THE PLACE, ACTING LIKE
A BUNCH OF FOOLS?
THAT'S FINE WITH ME.
>> OH, WHEN SHE SAYS,
"FINE WITH ME," WE KNOW IT'S NOT
FINE WITH HER.
>> MOM, I WANTED MY EGGS
SCRAMBLED.
>> COMING RIGHT UP.
>> MOM, SCRAMBLE MY CEREAL.
>> OH HONEY, I'M ALL SCRAMBLED
OUT THIS MORNING.
I DIDN'T GET MUCH SLEEP LAST
NIGHT.
>> MOM, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED.
WELL, WE ACTUALLY ALL COULD USE
A NICE SOOTHING DOG.
A DOG FOR ALL OF US,
A REAL FAMILY DOG.
>> WE ALREADY HAVE A FAMILY
DOG--YOU.
>> THEODORE, YOUR SISTER DOESN'T
CALL YOU NAMES.
>> ALL I WANTED WAS AN ANIMAL
WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH THE SAME
LETTER AS MOST OF THE GRADES ON
YOUR REPORT CARD, WHICH YOU ARE
GETTING TODAY.
>> I'M ASSUMING THAT IT WILL BE
A MUCH BETTER REPORT CARD THAN
LAST SEMESTER'S?
>> OH, I'M ASSUMING THE SAME
THING.
BUT YOU KNOW, TEACHERS GRADE YOU
ON SOME WEIRD THINGS.
>> LIKE EXAMS AND PAPERS.
>> RIGHT.
>> HEY.
>> HEY, DAD.
>> HI, DADDY.
>> LISTEN, LET'S PUT ON SOME
MUSIC AROUND HERE.
[MUSIC]
>> DR. SEIDELMAN, LINE ONE, PLEASE, DR. SEIDELMAN? >> MR. MCMANUS,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
>> I--I NEED SOME AIR.
>> HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
MR. MCMANUS, YOUR WIFE
IS HAVING A BABY IN THERE.
>> I KNOW, I KNOW THAT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
WELL THEN, YOU HAVE TO GO IN
THERE SO THAT WE CAN HAVE IT.
>> BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT ME IN
THERE.
>> OH, YES, SHE DOES WANT YOU
IN THERE, SIR.
>> BUT SHE YELLED AT ME.
>> WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT, YOU
UNDERSTAND?
MY WIFE--MY WIFE, WHEN SHE WAS
THERE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM AND
THAT PAIN HIT, MY WIFE STOOD UP
AND TOLD EVERYBODY IN THE
DELIVERY ROOM THAT MY PARENTS
WERE NEVER MARRIED.
OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT.
>> DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT?
LOOK AT ME, I'VE CRUMBLED UNDER
THE PRESSURE.
I CAN'T GET ANYTHING RIGHT.
I FEEL LIKE A BUMBLING FOOL.
>> MR. MCMANUS, YOU HAVE
THE MAKING OF A PERFECT FATHER.
NOW, LET'S GO.
>> BUT I'VE FORGOT EVERYTHING.
I FORGOT HOW TO BREATHE.
>> THAT'S SIMPLE--ALL YOU HAVE
TO DO IS GO, WHOO-WHOO-WHOO.
>> I MEAN MY OWN BREATHING.
>> MR. MCMANUS, YOUR WIFE
IS GOING TO HAVE THE BABY.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
THERE ARE WOMEN WHO ARE
9 MONTHS PREGNANT OUT PICKING
RICE, AND THE BABY FALLS RIGHT
OUT AND STARTS TO PICK BESIDE
THE MOTHER!
>> I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
RICE.
>> MR. MCMANUS, WHAT I'M TRYING
TO SAY IS YOUR WIFE'S GOING TO
DELIVER ANYWAY, TRUST ME.
ALL I'M GONNA DO IS HOLD
THE ROPE.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CHEER.
>> CHEER?
>> CHEER.
PUSH, JUST PUSH, CHEER.
CHEER, PUSH 'EM OUT, SHOVE 'EM
OUT, WAY OUT!
PUSH 'EM OUT, SHOVE 'EM OUT,
WAY OUT.
PUSH 'EM OUT, SHOVE 'EM OUT,
WAY OUT!
PUSH 'EM OUT, SHOVE 'EM OUT,
WAY OUT!
PUSH 'EM OUT, SHOVE 'EM OUT,
WAY--LET'S GO!
>> STOP TOUCHING ME! >> MOM! TEDDY'S TOUCHING RUDY AGAIN!
>> I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING!
>> UH-HUH!
>> YOU'RE IN ENOUGH TROUBLE AS
IT IS, YOUNG MAN, BRINGING HOME
THAT REPORT CARD OF YOURS.
NOW, YOUR FATHER AND I HAVE
GIVEN YOU EVERY ADVANTAGE IN
THIS WORLD, AND WHAT DO YOU DO?
>> WELL, IT'S LIKE I TOLD YOU--
>> DON'T ANSWER ME WHEN I'M
ASKING YOU QUESTIONS,
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
DO YOU THINK I'M TALKING JUST TO
HEAR MYSELF TALK?
ANSWER ME!
>> NOW?
>> SAVE THOSE SMART-MOUTHED
ANSWERS FOR YOUR FATHER, BECAUSE
I HAVE WASHED MY HANDS OF THIS
ENTIRE MATTER.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
>> RIGHT, NO PROBLEM.
SNITCH.
>> TEDDY'S THROWING FOOD!
>> PLEASE CONTROL YOUR CHILDREN!
>> ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE FOOLED
AROUND HERE LONG ENOUGH.
DENISE, HELP ME CLEAR THIS
TABLE.
THEODORE, YOU GO UPSTAIRS
AND WAIT IN YOUR ROOM FOR YOUR
FATHER.
AND THE REST OF YOU GET UP FROM
THE TABLE, GO UPSTAIRS, TAKE OFF
ALL YOUR CLOTHES, GET INTO
THE SHOWER, TURN ON THE WATER,
STAND UNDER THE WATER.
RINSE YOURSELVES OFF, DRY
YOURSELVES, GET INTO BED
AND GO TO SLEEP.
NOW, GO.
>> STOP TOUCHING ME!
>> I WASN'T TOUCHING YOU,
LITTLE GIRL!
>> YOU WAS, STOP TOUCHING ME!
>> DON'T START TOUCHING ME!
>> OKAY, I WON'T TOUCH YOU,
I'LL SHOVE YOU.
>> NEW RULE IN THIS HOUSE
STARTING NOW, NOBODY IS TO TOUCH
ANYBODY ANYWHERE WITH ANYTHING
FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES!
CLIFF, WHY DO WE HAVE FOUR
CHILDREN?
>> BECAUSE WE DID NOT WANT FIVE.
HELLO, MY DEAR.
MM, RIGHT.
MRS. MCMANUS.
MRS. MCMANUS FINALLY DELIVERED,
AFTER BEING IN LABOR FOR
30 HOURS.
BROUGHT HER INTO THE ROOM,
THOUGHT WE'D HAVE BIG TROUBLE,
BUT POPPED IT OUT JUST LIKE
TOAST.
I'M TELLING YOU, ALL I HAD TO DO
WAS JUST SIT THERE IN A CROUCH
JUST LIKE JOHNNY BENCH.
WHO'S IN TROUBLE NOW?
>> THEODORE.
>> OH, GOOD, BECAUSE I THOUGHT
IT WAS ME.
>> TAKE A LOOK AT THIS,
FOUR Ds.
YOU BETTER HANDLE IT, BECAUSE IF
I HANDLE IT, HE'S GONNA SMILE
AND SAY, "NO PROBLEM,"
AND I'LL HAVE TO KILL HIM.
>> SO YOU WANT ME TO KILL HIM
FOR YOU?
>> RIGHT.
>> CAN I HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT
BEFORE I KILL HIM?
>> CLIFF!
>> YEAH, I'LL BE CRUELER
ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.
>> CLIFF!
>> THEO? >> YO.
>> HARD TO GET GOOD HELP, ISN'T IT? SON, YOUR MOTHER ASKED ME TO
COME UP HERE AND KILL YOU.
>> HEY, I KNOW.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
>> WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY,
AND IT'S UNDER CONTROL,
SO NO PROBLEM.
>> NO PROBLEM, RIGHT, RIGHT.
HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO GET INTO
COLLEGE WITH GRADES LIKE THIS?
>> NO PROBLEM.
>> HUH?
>> SEE, I'M NOT GOING TO
COLLEGE.
>> DAMN RIGHT.
>> I AM GONNA GET THROUGH
HIGH SCHOOL AND THEN GET A JOB
LIKE REGULAR PEOPLE.
>> REGULAR PEOPLE?
>> YEAH, YOU KNOW, WHO WORK
IN THE GAS STATION, DRIVE
A BUS, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS YOUR
MOTHER AND I SHOULDN'T CARE IF
YOU GET Ds BECAUSE YOU DON'T
NEED GOOD GRADES TO BE REGULAR
PEOPLE?
>> RIGHT!
>> OKAY.
OH, SUPPOSE YOU GRADUATE FROM
HIGH SCHOOL, LET'S SAY YOU JUST
SLIDE BY.
ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU'VE GOT TO
FIND A JOB.
NOW, WHAT KIND OF SALARY DO YOU
EXPECT FOR A REGULAR PERSON?
>> MM, $250 A WEEK.
>> TWO HUNDRED FIFTY DOLLARS
A WEEK?
>> YEAH.
>> SIT DOWN.
I AM GONNA GIVE YOU $300 A WEEK,
YES INDEED, $300 A WEEK,
$1200 A MONTH.
ALL RIGHT?
>> GREAT, I'LL TAKE IT.
>> YES, YOU WILL.
AND I WILL TAKE $350 FOR TAXES.
>> WHOA!
>> HUH?
YEAH.
NOW, NOW, BECAUSE SEE, THE
GOVERNMENT COMES FOR THE REGULAR
PEOPLE FIRST.
NOW, HOW MUCH DOES THAT LEAVE YOU WITH? >> EIGHT HUNDRED FIFTY DOLLARS.
>> ALL RIGHT.
NOW, YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE
AN APARTMENT, BECAUSE YOU ARE
NOT GOING TO LIVE HERE.
SO, AN APARTMENT IN MANHATTAN
WILL RUN YOU AT LEAST $400
A MONTH.
>> I'LL LIVE IN NEW JERSEY.
>> ALL RIGHT,
YOU LIVE IN NEW JERSEY
YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A CAR.
>> I'LL RIDE A MOTORBIKE.
>> YOU NEED A HELMET.
FIGURE A HUNDRED A MONTH
FOR CLOTHES AND SHOES.
>> FIGURE 200,
I WANT TO LOOK GOOD.
>> OKAY, SO WHAT DOES THAT LEAVE
YOU WITH?
>> TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS,
SO NO PROBLEM.
>> THERE IS A PROBLEM,
YOU HAVEN'T EATEN YET.
>> I CAN GET BY ON BOLOGNA
AND CEREAL.
SO I GOT EVERYTHING I NEED PLUS
$200 LEFT FOR THE MONTH.
>> YOU PLAN TO HAVE
A GIRLFRIEND?
>> FOR SURE.
>> REGULAR PEOPLE? >> PLEASE OPEN THIS DOOR! >> VANESSA?
>> OPEN THIS DOOR!
>> VANESSA!
VANESSA I--?
COME HERE.
COME HERE!
HERE!
SEE, SEE, THERE IS THERE,
THIS IS HERE, COME HERE.
>> DAD, DENISE PUSHED ASIDE THE
BATHROOM AND SO THE SHAMPOO IS
IN RUDY'S EYES, AND SHE WOULDN'T
LET ME RINSE IT OFF LIKE MOM
SAID TO.
AND NOW RUDY MIGHT BE BLINDED
FOR LIFE.
IF SHE IS, CAN WE GET A DOG?
>> NO, BUT I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT, YOU CAN WALK YOUR SISTER
DOWN TO MY ROOM.
GET HER CLEANED UP, GO AHEAD.
OH.
HEY!
>> HEY.
>> WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
>> I GOT A DATE, DADDY.
>> NOT IN THOSE PANTS.
BLOOD CANNOT GET UP TO YOUR
BRAIN.
AND BESIDES, THIS IS A SCHOOL
NIGHT.
>> IT'S FRIDAY, DADDY.
>> YEAH, BUT DID YOU GO
TO SCHOOL TODAY?
>> YEAH.
>> OKAY, SO IT'S A SCHOOL NIGHT.
>> I ASKED MOM,
SHE SAID I COULD GO.
GO ASK HER.
>> ASK MOM?
I HAVE TO ASK YOUR MOTHER?
I DON'T HAVE TO ASK ANYBODY.
NOW, GO ON IN AND CHANGE YOUR
PANTS.
THANK YOU.
CLAIR!
CLAIR?
>> YES?
>> DID YOU TELL DENISE SHE COULD
GO OUT ON A DATE TONIGHT?
>> YES, I DID.
>> WELL, HAVE YOU SEEN THE BOY?
>> YES, I HAVE.
>> WELL, HOW UGLY IS HE?
HEY!
>> HEY!
HOW YOU DOING?
>> HOW ARE YOU?
SIT DOWN.
>> I SAID STOP TOUCHING ME!
>> GET OUT OF MY ROOM, NOW!
>> DO YOU WANT ME TO COME UP
THERE?
>> [BOTH] NO!
>> I'M DENISE'S FATHER.
>> IS THAT RIGHT?
UM, ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY EAR?
>> NO, I WAS LOOKING AT
THE EARRING IN IT.
>> YEAH, IT'S A REAL
CONVERSATION PIECE FOR SOME
OLDER PEOPLE.
I GOT IT ON A SHIP, MERCHANT
MARINES.
WHEN YOU CROSS THE EQUATOR,
THEY PIERCE YOUR EAR.
IT'S LIKE A TRADITION.
>> WHEN YOU CROSS BACK
WILL THEY FILL IT IN?
>> THAT'S GOOD, SIR. >> SO WHEN DO YOU SHIP OUT AGAIN?
>> OH, I'M NOT IN IT ANYMORE.
OH NO, I HAD ENOUGH OF
THAT LIFE.
I'M BACK IN SCHOOL.
>> YOU'RE IN DENISE'S CLASS?
>> NO, 2 YEARS BEHIND.
>> AND YOU DON'T MIND THAT?
>> HEY, AFTER YOU'VE BEEN IN
A TURKISH PRISON,
EVERYTHING ELSE IS EASY.
>> DENISE!
DENISE!
>> TU TIENES QUE HACER.
ROLLING YOUR EYES AT ME.
>> THERE'S NOBODY THERE, DEAR.
DENISE?
>> A NEW OUTFIT FOR YOU, DADDY.
>> YEAH.
>> HAPPY?
>> LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
KNOW IT OR NOT, BUT YOUR DATE
DOWNSTAIRS IS JUST WEARING ONE
EARRING.
>> YEAH?
>> YEAH, WELL HE GAVE ME
A PERFECTLY GOOD EXPLANATION FOR
IT, BUT IF YOU WANT MY OPINION
IT'S BECAUSE HE LOST THE OTHER
ONE.
>> BYE, DADDY.
>> YEAH.
DENISE?
>> YEAH?
>> YOUR FACE.
>> YOUR FACE?
>> YOUR FACE.
I MEAN ONLY ONE HALF OF YOUR
FACE IS MADE UP.
NOW, ARE YOU GOING SOMEPLACE
ELSE TO DO THE OTHER SIDE OR ARE
YOU PLANNING ON WALKING SIDEWAYS
ALL NIGHT?
>> GOODNIGHT, DADDY.
>> YEAH.
>> GOODNIGHT.
>> BUT YOU KNOW THAT HE SPENT
A YEAR IN A TURKISH PRISON?
OH.
I'M SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING
NOW.
WHERE?
>> DAD.
>> HEY!
ALL RIGHT!
>> DAD, I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT
YOU SAID AND I SEE YOUR POINT.
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> BUT I HAVE A POINT, TOO.
>> MAKE YOUR POINT.
>> YOU'RE A DOCTOR AND MOM'S
A LAWYER, AND YOU'RE BOTH
SUCCESSFUL AND EVERYTHING,
AND THAT'S GREAT.
BUT MAYBE I WAS BORN TO BE
A REGULAR PERSON AND HAVE
A REGULAR LIFE.
IF YOU WEREN'T A DOCTOR,
I WOULDN'T LOVE YOU LESS,
BECAUSE YOU'RE MY DAD.
AND SO INSTEAD OF ACTING
DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE I'M NOT
LIKE YOU, MAYBE YOU CAN JUST
ACCEPT WHO I AM AND LOVE ME
ANYWAY, BECAUSE I'M YOUR SON.
>> THEO, THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!
IT'S NO WONDER YOU GET Ds
IN EVERYTHING!
NOW, YOU ARE AFRAID TO TRY
BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID THAT YOUR
BRAIN IS GOING TO EXPLODE AND
IT'S GOING TO OOZE OUT OF YOUR
EARS!
NOW, I'M TELLING YOU, YOU ARE
GOING TO TRY AS HARD AS YOU CAN.
AND YOU'RE GONNA DO IT BECAUSE I
SAID SO.
I AM YOUR FATHER, I BROUGHT YOU
IN THIS WORLD AND I'LL TAKE YOU
OUT.
NOW, SON, COME HERE. COME HERE. NOW, LISTEN TO ME, I JUST WANT
YOU TO DO THE BEST YOU CAN,
THAT'S ALL.
>> I'LL TRY, DAD, I REALLY WILL.
>> ALL RIGHT, I LOVE YOU.
>> YEAH, DAD.
>> HUH?
>> I KNOW.
>> YEAH.
AND MAYBE
YOUR MOTHER LOVES YOU, TOO.
>> SO? >> I WANT MY DINNER. >> IT'S WARMING.
>> MM-HMM, I WANT MY DINNER NOW.
>> IN A MINUTE.
TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED UPSTAIRS.
>> DEAR, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M LIKE
WHEN I'M HUNGRY.
I WANT TO EAT.
>> SO GET A PLATE.
>> I DON'T WANT A PLATE,
I'LL EAT OUT OF THE POT.
>> COME ON, CLIFF, WE HAVE TO
SET A GOOD EXAMPLE.
>> FOR WHO?
>> ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME ABOUT
THEO OR NOT?
>> OH, YEAH.
HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO HIS ROOM
LATELY?
>> I MADE HIM PUT HIS CLOTHES
AWAY THIS AFTERNOON.
>> WELL, YOU KNOW THEY CRAWLED
BACK OUT.
>> WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM ABOUT
HIS REPORT CARD?
>> WELL, I LAID IT ON THE LINE
TO HIM AND I TOLD HIM THAT HE'D
HAVE TO DO BETTER IN SCHOOL.
>> YEAH?
WHAT DID HE SAY?
>> WELL, HE SAID, "OKAY."
>> HE SAID, "OKAY?"
>> NO, NOT EXACTLY.
>> WELL, WHAT EXACTLY DID HE
SAY?
>> HE SAID, "I'LL TRY."
>> "I'LL TRY," IS WORSE THAN,
"OKAY."
>> WELL, NO, I THINK HE SAID,
"OKAY."
I THINK THAT'S WHAT HE SAID,
HE SAID, "OKAY."
YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANT I'LL GO UP
AND ASK HIM.
>> CLIFF, DID YOU TELL HIM HE'S
HEADED FOR DISASTER AND THAT IF
HE DOESN'T BUCKLE DOWN HE'LL
NEVER GET ANYWHERE?
>> THE BOY DOES NOT CARE ABOUT
GETTING ANYWHERE.
THE BOY SAID TO ME THAT HE
WANTED TO BE REGULAR PEOPLE.
WHEN, IN FACT, WHAT HE IS,
IS LAZY PEOPLE.
AND IF THE REGULAR PEOPLE FIND
OUT THAT HE'S USING THEIR NAME,
THEY'RE GONNA COME DOWN AND KICK
HIS BUTT.
>> I WAS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ONCE, BEFORE THE CHILDREN CAME. >> I NEVER MET A MORE BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN.
>> DO YOU THINK WHEN THEY GROW
UP I'LL BE BEAUTIFUL AGAIN?
>> YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NOW.
I JUST HOPE THEY GET OUT OF
THE HOUSE BEFORE WE DIE.
>> OH.
MM.
>> MM.
>> MM, LET'S JUST REMEMBER THIS
IS HOW WE GOT THE CHILDREN.
>> RIGHT!
OH, SHOOT. WHO IS IT? NO, NO, NO.
WHEN I SAY, "WHO IS IT?"
IT DOESN'T MEAN FOR YOU TO COME
IN.
WHEN I SAY, "WHO IS IT?"
YOU SAY WHO IT IS.
WHO IS IT?
>> WHO IT IS!
>> COME IN!
>> MOM, DAD, WE CAN'T SLEEP
BECAUSE RUDY THINKS SHE HEARD
THE WOLF MAN GROWLING IN OUR
CLOSET.
I TOLD HER THERE WASN'T SUCH
A THING, BUT SHE DOESN'T
BELIEVE ME.
WOULD YOU TELL HER?
>> THERE IS NO WOLF MAN GROWLING
IN YOUR CLOSET.
>> UH-HUH!
>> THERE IS NO WOLF MAN GROWLING
IN YOUR CLOSET.
>> UH-HUH.
>> ANYBODY GOT ANY OTHER BRIGHT
IDEAS?
>> MAYBE THE TWO OF YOU SHOULD
SLEEP WITH US TONIGHT.
>> IF YOU REALLY WANT US TO.
>> OH.
>> GOODNIGHT, DARLING. >> [ALL] GOODNIGHT!
[MUSIC]
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