[MUSIC]
>> HI. >> HI. >> IS THIS THE SCIENCE PROJECT
DAD'S BEEN TALKING ABOUT?
>> THE SOLAR SYSTEM, THE
NINE PLANETS INCLUDING SATURN
WITH ITS RINGS AND IF THAT
ISN'T ENOUGH, CHECK THIS OUT.
>> THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
>> PRETTY GOOD?
>> YEAH, WHEN'S IT DUE?
>> WHY'D YOU ASK ME WHEN IT'S
DUE?
>> WELL, IF YOU HAVE THE TIME,
IT WOULD'VE BEEN NICE IF YOU
MADE EACH PLANET REVOLVE
SEPARATELY.
AND VANESSA, IF THIS WAS A REAL
SOLAR SYSTEM, YOU WOULD'VE HAD
A FOUR-PLANET COLLISION.
>> DENISE, THIS HAPPENS TO BE
A GREAT SCIENCE PROJECT.
IT'S AS GOOD AS ANYTHING I'VE
EVER DONE, AND I ALWAYS GET As.
>> VANESSA, YOU'RE IN ADVANCED
CLASS NOW.
YOU'VE GOT TO GO BEYOND WHAT YOU
USED TO DO.
HOW MUCH TIME DID YOU PUT INTO
THIS?
>> FOUR NIGHTS.
>> AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN
ABOUT THIS SCIENCE FAIR?
>> A MONTH AND A HALF.
>> I'M NOT SAYING IT'S NOT GOOD.
I'M JUST SAYING I DON'T KNOW.
>> OH BYE, DENISE.
THANKS.
>> THEO, YOU ALMOST DONE?
>> NO.
>> WELL OKAY, WHEN YOU'RE
FINISHED, I WANT YOU TO WASH
THAT BOWL YOURSELF BECAUSE I'M
GETTING READY TO START THIS
LOAD.
>> FINISHED.
>> OH NO, IT'S BROKEN. >> ARE YOU SURE? >> THEO, QUICK!
WE'VE GOT TO GET THESE DISHES
WASHED BEFORE YOUR FATHER COMES
DOWN HERE.
IF HE COMES DOWN HERE AND FINDS
OUT THAT THIS THING IS BROKEN,
HE'S GOING TO PUT ON THAT
ENGINEER'S CAP, THOSE COVERALLS,
GET THAT TOOLKIT AND TRY TO FIX
IT.
>> AND THEN HE'S GOING TO HAVE
ME HELP HIM.
>> YOU REMEMBER
THE REFRIGERATOR.
IT STARTED WITH A TEENY LITTLE
LIGHT THAT WOULDN'T COME ON AND
4 DAYS LATER, THE ONLY THING
THAT DID WORK WAS THE DOOR
HANDLE.
>> BUT THE WHOLE TIME, HE KEPT
SAYING, "I ALMOST HAVE IT."
>> GOOD MORNING.
>> MOM, YOU KNOW, CLEAN UP IS
SO MUCH EASIER BY THESE MODERN
APPLIANCES.
>> I AGREE.
THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE FULL
ENOUGH AND RATHER THAN WASTE THE
ENERGY, WHY DON'T WE JUST WAIT
'TIL AFTER DINNER TO START IT?
>> GOOD IDEA, MOM.
SEE YA, DAD.
>> IT'S BROKEN, ISN'T IT?
>> CLIFF, I'LL CALL THE
REPAIRMAN.
>> YOU'LL DO NO SUCH THING.
I CAN FIX THAT AND IT'S CHEAPER.
FIRST OF ALL, YOU CALL
A REPAIRMAN.
WHAT DOES HE DO?
HE COMES HERE, CHARGES US $35
TO TELL US THAT THE PART
THAT'S NEEDED TO MAKE IT RUN IS
SOMEWHERE ON A MOUNTAINTOP
IN MINNESOTA.
>> DAD.
>> HELLO.
>> WHEN YOU FIX IT, WE END UP
HAVING TO PAY THE REPAIRMAN
ANYWAY.
>> WE?
SINCE WHEN DID YOU BECOME WE FOR
PAYING BILLS?
>> CLIFF, YOU DO REMEMBER
THE REFRIGERATOR?
>> I ALMOST HAD IT.
ALMOST HAD IT, DEAR,
AND YOU KEPT PRESSURING ME.
>> THAT'S BECAUSE WE'D BEEN
EATING OUT OF CANS FOR 3 DAYS.
>> LOOK WHAT TIME IT IS.
I'D HATE TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL.
>> AH LISTEN, WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO AFTER SCHOOL?
>> DOES IT MATTER?
>> MY SON, THE REPAIRMAN'S
HELPER.
>> LEAVE ME ALONE, RUDY.
>> LET ME CARRY MORRIS.
>> IT'S NOT MORRIS.
IT'S MARS, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE
IT.
>> PLEASE.
>> NO, THE LAST TIME I LET YOU
CARRY IT, YOU BOUNCED IT.
>> BECAUSE BEFORE IT WAS MARS,
IT WAS MY BALL.
>> AH YEAH, BUT WAIT A MINUTE
NOW.
JUST LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, RUDY.
YOU'RE MAKING A CONTRIBUTION TO
SCIENCE.
>> OKAY.
WHEN CAN I HAVE IT BACK?
>> AFTER THE FAIR.
>> OKAY.
>> DAD, YOU LIKE MY SCIENCE
PROJECT, DON'T YOU?
>> DO I LIKE IT?
I LOVE IT.
>> CLAIR, LOOK AT THIS.
IS THIS FANTASTIC OR WHAT?
>> IT'S FANTASTIC.
>> AND ON TOP OF THAT, CLAIR,
THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE, WE HAVE
A NINE-PAGE REPORT ON THE SOLAR
SYSTEM.
NOW, STAND OVER HERE, GENIUS OF
MINE, BECAUSE THE BRAIN POWER
COMES FROM THE HUXTABLE SIDE.
AND YOU FIRE AWAY,
ASK A QUESTION, GO AHEAD.
>> WHAT IS THE ATMOSPHERE
LIKE ON THE PLANET SATURN?
>> READ ON.
>> THE ATMOSPHERE ON SATURN
IS COMPOSED OF METHANE
AND MOLECULAR HYDROGEN.
THE AVERAGE TEMPERATURE
IS 350 DEGREES-BELOW-ZERO
AND THE WIND VELOCITY
IS 700 MILES PER HOUR.
>> I'M VERY IMPRESSED.
>> YES INDEED.
>> THAT MUST BE JANET.
WOULD YOU LET HER IN, DAD?
>> OH YES, MA'AM.
I'LL GO GET A BOX TO PUT THIS
IN.
>> OKAY HONEY, AND I'LL HELP YOU
PACK IT UP.
>> OKAY.
>> HELLO.
>> HI, DR. HUXTABLE.
>> UM, DON'T I KNOW YOU FROM
SOME PLACE?
DID WE DOUBLE DATE TOGETHER
SOMEWHERE?
>> NO.
>> WELL, WHO ARE YOU?
>> JANET MEISER.
>> OH YES, YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER'S
GIGGLING PARTNER.
I HAVE ALL YOUR ALBUMS, YES.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
>> MY PARENTS ARE WAITING
OUTSIDE IN THE CAR.
IS VANESSA READY?
>> OH YEAH, SHE'S PUTTING HER
SCIENCE PROJECT TOGETHER.
SHE'LL BE RIGHT OUT.
>> DON'T TELL ME WHAT SHE DID.
WE SWORE EACH OTHER TO SECRECY
UNTIL THE SCIENCE FAIR.
HI, MRS. HUXTABLE.
>> HI JANET, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> FINE.
>> YOU NERVOUS?
>> A LITTLE.
I WAS PUTTING MY PROJECT
TOGETHER UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE.
>> OH, I FINISHED MINE
2 DAYS AGO.
>> WOW, I BET IT'S GOOD.
>> VANESSA BUILT A LIFE-SIZE
SPACE SHUTTLE.
>> SHE DID?
>> YEAH, HAVE YOUR FOLKS GOT
A TRAILER OUTSIDE?
>> DAD.
HE'S KIDDING.
BYE MOM.
BYE DAD.
WISH ME LUCK.
THE WINNER GETS A TROPHY.
>> HEY, I GOT A SPACE RIGHT HERE
FOR IT.
>> THANK YOU.
>> BYE VANESSA.
NOW CLIFF, THAT REALLY WAS NOT
NECESSARY.
>> WHAT?
>> THESE CLASSES ARE COMPETITIVE
ENOUGH WITHOUT US PUTTING EXTRA
PRESSURE ON THIS GIRL.
>> THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH
A LITTLE COMPETITION.
>> OKAY CLIFF, I JUST DON'T WANT
VANESSA TO GET CARRIED AWAY LIKE
A CERTAIN PERSON IN THIS FAMILY.
>> ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME?
>> YES.
>> HA!
>> YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I AM.
NOW, LET'S TAKE THE WAY YOU PLAY
MONOPOLY.
>> WHAT HAS MONOPOLY GOT TO DO
WITH SCIENCE?
>> I'M TALKING ABOUT THE WAY YOU
HANDLE COMPETITION.
YOU SEE, MOST HUMAN BEINGS VIEW
MONOPOLY AS A GAME, BUT YOU TAKE
IT AS A MEANS TO CRUSH ALL THOSE
WHO WOULD DARE CHALLENGE YOU.
YOU ARE THE WORST.
>> HA HA!
>> IF SOMEBODY GETS A
"GO TO JAIL" CARD, YOU APPLAUD.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
>> SOMEBODY LANDS ON YOUR
PROPERTY, YOU START MAKING CASH
REGISTER SOUNDS.
>> CHA-CHING!
CHA-CHING!
THAT'S RIGHT.
>> AND THEN WHEN YOU WIN,
YOU PILE ALL YOUR MONEY UP IN
THE FLOOR AND ROLL IN IT.
>> YES.
>> YOU ARE THE WORST.
>> YEAH, NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT NOW.
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH SCIENCE.
YOU'RE STILL WARM ABOUT
THE MONOPOLY GAME WE PLAYED--
HA-HA-HA!
AND I HAD BOARDWALK AND YOU
ROLLED THE DICE, AND YOU LANDED
ON MY BOARDWALK.
AND I HAD ABOUT 5,000 HOTELS
AND 600 HOUSES, AND YOU ONLY HAD
30 DOLLARS.
AND I TOLD YOU TO PAY UP,
AND YOU SAID,
"BUT I'M YOUR WIFE!"
AND YOU BETTER PAY.
>> MR. ROBERTSON? >> HI VANESSA. >> HI.
>> WHERE SHOULD WE SET UP?
>> OKAY, YOU'RE AT THAT TABLE,
VANESSA.
AND JANET, YOU'RE
RIGHT NEXT TO HER, OKAY?
>> THANK YOU.
>> MR. ROBERTSON, THERE'S
A HOLE IN MY ANT FARM.
THEY'RE ESCAPING.
>> LET'S SEE IF WE CAN'T ROUND
'EM UP.
>> BUT THEY'RE ALL OVER
THE PLACE.
WHOOPS, MY PROJECT'S RUINED.
>> I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, NANCY.
IF WE CAN'T FIND ENOUGH OF 'EM,
WE'LL GO OUT AND GET SOME MORE
OVER THE WEEKEND AND WE CAN
JUDGE YOURS SEPARATELY ON
MONDAY, DEAL?
>> MMM HMM.
WATCH WHERE YOU WALK.
>> OH.
>> LOOK AT SOME OF THESE
PROJECTS.
TODD LUCAS MADE A VOLCANO.
>> WOW!
DO YOU THINK IT WORKS?
>> I HOPE NOT.
LOOK AT MELISSA.
>> WOW!
THAT'S GREAT, MELISSA.
>> IT'S SOLAR ENERGY.
>> WHO'S UNDER THE SHEET?
>> LEON.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> IT'S TOP SECRET.
>> WOW!
>> WOULD YOU STOP SAYING WOW?
>> I'M SORRY.
WELL, WHO'S GOING TO SET UP
FIRST?
OKAY, I GUESS I WILL.
>> WOW!
WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE?
>> I MADE THEM.
>> YOU DID?
>> I WASN'T SURE I'D BE ABLE TO
WHEN I STARTED, BUT THE MORE
I LEARNED ABOUT THEM, THE MORE
I GOT INTO IT.
>> WELL, DO THEY DO ANYTHING?
>> JUST THIS.
I TRIED SOMETHING DIFFERENT
WITH THIS ONE.
I ADDED A SOUND COMMAND.
>> DID YOUR FATHER HELP YOU
WITH THIS?
>> NO.
>> YOU MADE THOSE ALL
BY YOURSELF?
>> UH-HUH.
>> WOW.
>> WHAT'S YOUR PROJECT?
>> THE SOLAR SYSTEM.
>> THE SOLAR SYSTEM?
I DID THAT IN THE 3RD GRADE, HAD
ALL THE PLANETS, THE 16 MOONS
AROUND JUPITER.
I EVEN HAD A FLAMING ASTEROID.
BUT IT'S NOTHING COMPARED TO
WHAT I HAVE UNDER THAT SHEET.
>> COME ON, LEON.
TELL US WHAT IT IS.
>> PROMISE NOT TO TELL ANYONE.
>> PROMISE.
>> OKAY, UNDER THAT SHEET,
I HAVE A WORKING TORNADO.
>> WOW.
>> TORNADOES AREN'T THAT HARD.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PUT
A LOW-PRESSURE WARM-AIR SYSTEM
UNDER A HIGH-PRESSURE COLD-AIR
SYSTEM AND YOU'VE GOT IT.
>> BUT MINE DESTROYS A MINIATURE
FARM COMMUNITY.
>> WOW!
>> WHAT'S YOUR PROJECT, JANET?
>> ROBOTICS.
>> CAN I SEE HOW THEY WORK?
>> SURE.
>> UH, MR. ROBERTSON?
COULD I WAIT UNTIL MONDAY
TO SET UP MY PROJECT?
>> WHY?
>> WELL, IT'S NOT FINISHED YET
AND I'D REALLY LIKE TO DO SOME
MORE WORK ON IT.
>> VANESSA, THE PROJECTS WERE
DUE TODAY.
>> BUT YOU GAVE NANCY
UNTIL MONDAY.
>> WELL YES, BUT THAT'S BECAUSE
MOST OF HER PROJECT RAN AWAY.
>> PLEASE, MR. ROBERTSON.
I'D REALLY LIKE A CHANCE
TO MAKE IT BETTER.
>> I'M SORRY, VANESSA,
BUT WE'RE GOING TO START JUDGING
IN A HALF AN HOUR.
NOW, COME ON.
GET YOURSELF READY.
[THEO] I'M HOME, DAD!
HEY DAD! >> WHAT TIME DO YOU GET OUT OF SCHOOL?
>> 3:00.
>> NOW, YOU GET OUT AT 3:00.
IT'S ALREADY 3:15!
I ASKED YOU TO COME HERE AS SOON
AS YOU GET OUT OF SCHOOL.
>> SORRY DAD.
SO, HOW'S IT GOING?
>> [MOCKING] SO, HOW'S IT GOING?
IT'S GOING JUST FINE.
I FIXED IT.
IT'S FIXED.
>> DAD, IS IT REALLY FIXED?
>> YES, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
CLEAN DISHES TONIGHT.
>> BUT HOW DO WE GET CLEAN
DISHES IF THESE AREN'T IN
THE MACHINE?
>> I MADE SOME MODIFICATIONS.
LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU,
SON.
THROUGH ALL THE YEARS OF THE
HUXTABLE TRADITION UP TO NOW,
THERE'S BEEN A TRADITION OF
WASHING DISHES.
AND WE'RE GOING BACK TO
THE OLD WAY.
LIFE'S BEEN TOO EASY FOR YOU,
BOY.
>> HI, DAD.
>> HEY, FRICK AND FRACK.
HOW YOU DOING?
>> WHAT HAPPENED?
>> LIFE'S BEEN TOO EASY FOR ME.
>> WELL, WANT TO TALK ABOUT
THE SCIENCE FAIR.
WHO WON?
>> LEON HAYWOOD.
>> HIS PROJECT WAS GREAT.
>> REALLY?
>> HE HAD THIS TORNADO IN
A TUBE, AND HE KEPT THROWING
LITTLE COWS AND TRACTORS INTO IT
AND THEY'D SPIN UP TO THE TOP
AND FLY OUT.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT TORNADOES
COULD BE SO DEVASTATING.
>> THAT'D BE HARD TO BEAT.
HOW'D YOU DO?
>> JANET CAME IN THIRD.
>> HAPPY FOR YOU.
THIRD PLACE, ALL RIGHT,
AND NUMBER TWO?
NUMBER FOUR?
>> NOT ME, DAD.
>> WELL, WHAT'D YOU COME IN?
>> FOURTEENTH.
>> FOURTEENTH?
>> BUT HER PROJECT WAS REALLY
GREAT.
>> WELL, GET 'EM NEXT TIME.
>> RIGHT DAD.
>> OKAY.
LISTEN, GET THAT STUFF BACK IN
THE WASHING MACHINE BEFORE YOUR
MOTHER GETS HERE.
YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A COFFEE POT BEFORE? >> DO YOU THINK LEON'S CUTE?
>> HE'S ALL RIGHT.
>> I THINK HE'S CUTE.
HE WAS STARING AT A CERTAIN
SOMEONE TODAY.
>> LOOK, IF YOU'RE TRYING TO
MAKE ME FEEL BETTER,
JUST FORGET IT.
>> VANESSA?
>> YEAH.
>> I'M SORRY YOU CAME IN 14TH.
>> WELL--
>> I'M SORRY I CAME IN THIRD.
>> LOOK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
APOLOGIZE JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE
SMART ENOUGH TO HAVE SOMEONE
HELP YOU.
>> I DIDN'T HAVE ANYBODY HELP
ME.
>> YOUR FATHER'S AN ENGINEER.
HE MUST'VE HAD SOMETHING TO DO
WITH IT.
>> VANESSA, I WORKED VERY HARD
ON MY PROJECT.
I DIDN'T HAVE ANYBODY'S HELP.
DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?
>> IF YOU SAY SO.
>> SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO
NOW?
>> NOTHING.
>> NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I DON'T NEED A REPAIRMAN.
THE MACHINE IS PAST REPAIRMAN.
WHAT I'M ASKING FOR IS IF YOU
HAVE A MACHINE THAT'S THE SAME
MODEL AS THE ONE THAT I HAD?
YOU DO.
NOW, CAN YOU GET A MAN HERE TO
PUT IT IN BEFORE 5:30,
BEFORE MY WIFE GETS HOME?
YES, I WANT TO GIVE HER
A PRESENT.
YOU CAN?
OH, YOU'RE GREAT.
THANK YOU.
>> DR. HUXTABLE?
>> MRS. WIZARD!
>> I THINK I WANT TO GO HOME.
>> REALLY?
YOU THINK YOU WANT TO GO HOME?
>> YES, COULD YOU TAKE ME?
>> YOU REALLY WANT TO GO HOME?
>> I REALLY WANT TO.
>> WELL YEAH, I HAVE TO GO UP
AND GET MY KEYS AND THEN I'LL
COME DOWN AND I'LL TAKE YOU
HOME.
>> THANK YOU, DR. HUXTABLE.
>> OKAY.
>> WHO IS IT? >> IT'S DAD. >> COME IN.
HI DAD.
>> HI.
EVERYTHING OKAY?
>> YES DAD.
>> WELL, JANET CAME DOWNSTAIRS
AND ASKED ME TO TAKE HER HOME.
THAT'S A SHORT VISIT.
>> YES DAD.
>> WHAT'S HAPPENING?
>> EVER SINCE SHE WON THIRD
PRIZE, SHE'S BEEN IMPOSSIBLE.
>> SHE ONLY WON IT JUST A COUPLE
OF MINUTE AGO, HONEY.
>> SHE WON'T ADMIT IT,
BUT I BET HER DAD HELPED HER.
HE'S AN ENGINEER.
>> DID YOU ASK HER
IF HE HELPED HER?
>> YES.
>> WHAT DID SHE SAY ABOUT IT?
>> SHE SAID HE DIDN'T.
>> AND DO YOU BELIEVE HER?
>> EVERY TIME I SAT DOWN TO
WORK, RUDY WAS ALWAYS
BOTHERING ME.
I ASKED MOM IF I COULD WORK AT
THE KITCHEN TABLE AND SHE SAID
NO.
I DON'T EVEN THINK MR. ROBERTSON
LIKES ME.
>> ARE YOU FINISHED?
>> AND YOU ONLY GAVE ME $10
TO DO MY PROJECT.
>> SO, A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE
RUINED THIS PROJECT FOR YOU,
HUH?
LOOK AT ME.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S TWO PEOPLE IN
THIS ROOM WHO REALLY KNOW BETTER
THAN THAT, DON'T WE?
COME HERE.
COME ON NOW.
COME OVER HERE.
YOU TELL ME WHAT IS THE REAL
PROBLEM, MA'AM.
DAD, I THOUGHT WHAT I DID WAS
GOOD ENOUGH.
BUT WHEN I SAW WHAT THOSE OTHER
KIDS DID, I KNEW I COULD'VE DONE
A LOT MORE.
>> MMM HMM, HOW MUCH MORE?
>> A LOT MORE.
>> WELL THEN, WHY DIDN'T YOU,
DEAR?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> OH, I DON'T KNOW.
NOW, YOU COME ON AND LEVEL
WITH ME.
YOU DON'T "I DON'T KNOW."
>> I GUESS I JUST DIDN'T WORK
HARD ENOUGH.
>> IS THAT CLASS TOO FAST
FOR YOU?
>> NO.
>> ARE THEY ASKING YOU TO DO
THINGS THAT YOU CAN'T DO?
>> UH-UH.
>> AND HOW MUCH MORE COULD YOU
HAVE DONE?
>> I COULD'VE DONE 75% MORE.
DENISE WAS RIGHT.
I SHOULD'VE MADE EACH PLANET
ROTATE BY ITSELF.
>> MMM HMM.
>> I SHOULD'VE PUT MOONS AROUND
MARS AND JUPITER.
>> MMM HMM.
>> I SHOULD'VE PUT COMETS
AND SATELLITES.
I COULD'VE PUT
THE STARSHIP "ENTERPRISE."
>> OKAY, THAT'S MY GIRL.
>> DAD?
COULD I BORROW $20?
>> WHY YOU WANT TO RUN AWAY
FROM HOME?
>> NO, I WANT TO FINISH
MY SCIENCE PROJECT.
>> THE COMPETITION IS OVER,
HONEY.
>> I KNOW.
>> YOU WANT TO DO IT TO SHOW
MR. ROBERTSON, RIGHT?
>> NO.
>> YOU WANT TO DO IT TO SHOW
DAD?
>> NO.
I WANT TO DO IT FOR ME.
>> THAT'S MY GIRL.
>> DAD.
>> HMM?
>> I CAN'T BREATHE.
>> YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, DEAR,
THAT LOVE HURTS SOMETIMES.
NOW, JANET IS DOWNSTAIRS.
DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE HER HOME?
>> NO.
>> OKAY.
>> IF I CAN TALK HER INTO IT,
CAN SHE STAY FOR DINNER?
>> DID HER FATHER HELP HER
WITH THE PROJECT?
>> NO.
>> I'LL TAKE THE TWO OF YOU
FOR PIZZA.
>> CAN I HAVE YOUR CRUST?
>> YOU'RE PUSHING IT.
>> DAD, VANESSA SAID WE'RE ALL GOING OUT FOR PIZZA. >> YEAH, AS SOON AS YOUR MOM
GETS HOME.
>> IS IT OKAY IF I DON'T GO?
>> THE ONLY TIME YOU EVER MISSED
OUT ON PIZZA WAS WHEN YOU
HAD YOUR TONSILS OUT.
>> DAD, WHENEVER WE TAKE JANET
AND VANESSA OUT TO EAT,
THEY ALWAYS MAKE FUN OF ME.
>> THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE FUNNY.
LISTEN, WHEN THE PIZZA COMES,
EVERYBODY WAITS EXCEPT YOU
AND WE ALL SAY THE SAME THING
TO YOU, "PLEASE, IT'S HOT."
YOU SAY, "I DON'T CARE."
YOU REACH IN.
YOU GRAB THE SLICE, PULL IT UP,
THE CHEESE IS STILL CLINGING
TO THE THING.
IT'S GOT A LONG LINE OF IT.
YOU TURN AROUND, OPEN UP YOUR
MOUTH AND YOU BITE DOWN
AND THE HEAT IS COMING OUT
OF YOUR MOUTH, STEAM.
AND THEN, YOU START SAYING,
"ARGH, ARGH, ARGH!"
AND THEN, YOU PULL IT AWAY.
THERE'S CHEESE COMING FROM
THE PIZZA.
YOU GOT CHEESE DOWN HERE AND YOU
GO, "HOGGLE HOGGLE HOGGLE!"
AND THEN, YOU GRAB ANYTHING.
REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU GRABBED
THAT CUP AND IT BELONGED TO SOME
PEOPLE WHO HAD JUST LEFT
THE TABLE AND IT HAD
CIGARETTE BUTTS IN IT?
AND YOU JUST DRANK IT DOWN,
"GULP, GULP, GULP!"
>> I'LL GET MY COAT, DAD.
>> YEAH.
>> WE'RE READY.
>> THANKS FOR INVITING ME
TO DINNER, DR. HUXTABLE.
>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE THANKING ME FOR 'CAUSE
YOU'RE BUYING TONIGHT.
NOW, DO YOU HAVE MONEY,
YOUNG LADY?
>> NO.
>> DO YOU HAVE CREDIT CARDS?
>> NO.
>> LOOK, YOU GO UPSTAIRS AND GET
YOUR SISTER.
WHEN MRS. HUXTABLE ARRIVES,
YOU GO GET THE CAR.
HEY!
>> HI.
>> DON'T TAKE YOUR COAT OFF
BECAUSE WE'RE GOING OUT FOR
PIZZA RIGHT NOW.
>> OKAY.
>> OH BUT--WELL, WHERE ARE YOU
GOING, DEAR?
>> I'M GOING TO THE KITCHEN.
>> OH, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO
GET?
>> A LITTLE GLASS OF JUICE.
>> WELL LOOK, THEY SELL JUICE
IN THE RESTAURANT, DEAR.
>> SO, TELL ME HOW DID VANESSA
MAKE OUT IN HER SCIENCE FAIR.
>> VANESSA DID JUST FINE.
SHE CAME IN 14TH PLACE,
AND I ASKED HER IF SHE WAS
IN OVER HER HEAD.
SHE SAID SHE FELT GOOD ABOUT
HERSELF.
SHE ASKED ME FOR $20,
SO SHE COULD GO BACK AND DO
THE PROJECT ALL OVER AGAIN.
SHE IS NOT IN OVER HER HEAD.
>> VERY GOOD.
>> DUH.
>> NOW IF WE COULD JUST DO
SOMETHING ABOUT THE OTHER CHILD
IN THE FAMILY WHO IS IN OVER HIS
HEAD, BUT REFUSES TO ADMIT IT.
>> WELL IF YOU TELL ME WHAT
THEO'S PROBLEM IS,
I'LL BE GLAD TO HELP.
>> THEO IS NOT THE CHILD
I'M REFERRING TO.
THE CHILD I'M SPEAKING OF WEARS
AN ENGINEER'S CAP, COVERALLS,
HAS A TOOLBOX AND HAS NEVER
FIXED ANYTHING.
NOW, I WANT YOU TO GO STRAIGHT
UP TO YOUR ROOM AND VANESSA WILL
COME UP AND HAVE A LONG TALK
WITH YOU ABOUT BEING IN OVER
YOUR HEAD.
>> CAN I HAVE SOME PIZZA FIRST?
>> ONLY IF YOU PROMISE NEVER
EVER AGAIN, AS LONG AS WE
BOTH SHALL LIVE, TO TRY AND FIX
ANYTHING IN THIS HOUSE?
>> I PROMISE NOT TO EVER
TRY TO FIX ANYTHING
IN THIS HOUSE AGAIN.
I PROMISE NOT TO TRY TO FIX
ANYTHING IN THIS HOUSE AGAIN.
I--
>> HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
[MUSIC]
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