THE FOLLOWING PRESENTATION IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY DISCOVERY EDUCATION
LEADING THE WORLD OF DIGITAL AND VIDEO LEARNING
DISCOVERY EDUCATION, CONNECT TO A WORLD OF LEARNING.
JOE: Hi.
In case you don't already know me, I'm Joe.
And that's Fred...
and Sam.
( Sam screams )
So now that we've been introduced,
let's start things off with a...
What was that?
( screams )
It's a trident.
Remember when we studied
ancient Rome?
And remember those guys who fought all the time--
the gladiators?
Well, they used these...
to kill people!
( footsteps thud loudly )
( screams )
Ready to fight?
Uh, would you mind threatening
that guy over there?
It's pretty much his fault that I'm here,
instead of back home in my kitchen.
( makes karate yell )
( grunts )
Fight or die.
Jeez, that's a tough one.
They both sound incredibly tempting.
How about I get back to you on...
( gulps )
Um... help?
Be careful what you wish for.
BAND: ? Go! There they go ?
? Three boys surfing on the time continuum ?
? There they go ?
? The green mist fills the air ?
? The Book could take them anywhere. Go! ?
? ? ?
( electric guitars playing steady beat )
? Go! There they go ?
? Three girls warping, time is 2105 ?
? There they go ?
? You can catch a ride with the Time Warp Trio. Go! ?
? Traveling through history... ?
( ticking )
? ? ?
? With the Time Warp Trio ?
? Go! ?
JOE: Okay, so normally I don't hang out with guys
who like to kill people.
But ever since I got a time-warping book
from my Uncle Joe, weird stuff keeps happening.
But this time, I had it hidden in a really safe place.
Eat my socks!
That makes it 153 games to... one.
Show-off.
Oh, man, I've had it.
( Fred muttering )
Hey, nice to see you, too.
I'm not kidding-I hate being the youngest.
I have to do my stuff and their stuff, too,
and I can't do anything about it except snitch--
and I'm not a snitch.
You know, you should try playing crazy eights.
Then maybe Sam could win
once in a while.
What are you even doing here?
Go away!
We're busy!
I know how you feel.
Brothers can be so insensitive.
Speaking of weird sisters,
did I show you guys my latest move?
It's called "Amazing Judo Guy"!
( makes karate yell )
( laughing )
Yeah, well, I call this the "Atomic Butt Squash."
( groans )
DQ-- disqualified!
Disgusting move!
Three-Way Smackdown!
Starring Fred the Freak,
Sam the Man and Joe the Show!
( boys shouting and laughing )
SAM: You cannot escape the Judo Man!
FRED: You are about to discover the terrifying strength
of Fred the Freak's ultimate wrestling.
JOE: Hey, watch the fridge!
Ow!
JOE: So anyway, that's how we ended up as gladiator bait.
Like I said, it was all Fred's fault.
( gladiator howls, Sam yells )
He poked me!
Let me handle this.
Hey! Ix-nay on the ork-fay, okay?
What was that?
Latin!
Well, pig Latin.
See, it worked.
He won't mess with us anymore.
( gladiator bellows )
( boys yelling )
MAN: Brutus...
you can put them down now.
That's a win.
Hey, thanks, man.
That glad-inator was starting
to bug me big time.
You must be from the provinces.
What are you, a Pict? A Gaul?
I'm an American.
Ah, barbarians.
It figures.
The emperor demands new fighters for tomorrow's ceremony
and I get a trio of puny, pathetic barbarians.
It's a good thing our weapons aren't real.
It wasn't real?
Of course not.
See?
Wood.
This is a gladiator school-a ludus gladiatorius--
and my job is to teach, not kill.
My name is Dorkius, by the way.
Fred the Freak.
I should have flattened that meathead.
You have guts!
You might make a good gladiator someday.
FRED: No kidding?!
Say... ten years for the training,
an extra three for biceps development.
I'd be the biggest, baddest gladiator!
Better make that five.
At 50 denarii a year...
I don't have enough money to train you.
Perhaps I could use you
for practice.
Practice?
Like, with those guys?
( growling )
( thud )
You wouldn't last.
I have a better idea.
Follow me.
Here's what I'm thinking:
A lot of my gladiators aren't...
how shall I put it?
Happy.
Many of them cannot be trusted.
So, if you'll agree to spy on them
and tell me everything you learn,
I'll guarantee you a safe place to live and plenty of...
FRED: Food!
DORKIUS: Do we have a deal?
Uh...
Well, I don't...
Excellent.
( gladiators conversing loudly )
( Fred chuckling )
So the bad news is
that gladiators smell like horse manure,
which is maybe why they're wearing diapers.
But you want to hear the good news?
This food is awesome!
So are we going to do it?
Spy on these guys?
Oh, forget it!
If Dorkius wants to know stuff, let him find out.
So I guess we should eat up and head back to the ring.
The gladiators need your head for practice.
( belches )
( laughs )
Hey, now you're talking!
( Fred belches )
Cut it out, I'm trying to eat.
Here he is, folks: Fred Freakazoid,
the Monsterweight Belching Champ!
( belches )
( chuckles )
Who dares laugh at Fred the Freak?
You think you can beat me?
No, no.
I just wish that were the measure of a man,
instead of how many he can kill in an afternoon.
Are you a gladiator?
Yes, though not by choice.
A year ago, I was living in Spain,
teaching philosophy and writing poems.
How'd you end up here?
Rome captured my city, and I was sold into slavery.
That's the story with most gladiators--
unless I can beat my next opponent.
If I manage that unlikely feat, I'll be a free man.
Who do you have to fight?
That one...
the really huge one, Horridus.
( growls )
Did one of you... little boys say my name?
Good.
Make sure my name never leaves your lips.
Otherwise...
You know, there's something I don't like about that guy.
I'm not surprised.
He looks like your brother Mike.
You're right.
Hey, Horridus!
( growls )
You're going to get us killed!
Horridus...
You forgot your lunch!
( Horridus grunts )
( gladiators grunting and yelling )
We have to get out of here!
No-- did you see that?
That was a major pile drive!
We've got to find the Book!
Hey, professor, where would you find books around here?
There are books in Dorkius's library.
But slaves are not allowed in his private quarters,
on pain of death.
Excellent!
You've got to help us!
If we don't get out of here, we're going to...
( bellows )
SAM AND JOE: Run!
Hey, where's Fred?
Get me out of here!
Sorry to interrupt,
but I'm curious about Roman plumbing.
Are those flushing toilets?
Is there a handle, or do you have to use a...
PROFESSOR: This way!
( scroll clatters )
Ah, here we are.
But where are the books?
Right here-scrolls,
containing all the wit and wisdom of the world.
This small room is worth more than all the gold
in the Empire.
Hmm, no kidding?
That's stealing.
Put it back.
Give me a break.
Dorkius has hundreds of these things.
He'll never miss it.
PROFESSOR: You're mistaken.
This is the Aeneid,
one of the greatest poems ever written.
We'll have to put it back.
Poetry? Yuk.
You don't like poetry?
Listen to this:
"In sleep, in dream, Hector appeared to me,
"gaunt with sorrow, streaming tears,
"all torn and black with bloody dust,
"his puffed-out feet cut by the rawhide thongs,
his beard all filth."
Cool-any pictures?
Hey, guys, I can't find the Book.
It's not...
You boys work fast.
I see you've caught your first slave...
stealing from his master.
You boys are working for Dorkius?
The professor well knows
that the punishment for stealing is death.
His will come tomorrow in the ring at the hands of Horridus.
I will ensure that outcome.
But as a special reward,
you boys will wield the sword
that ends his life.
He wants us to kill the professor?
Come back! Come back!
Dorkius has another think coming, that's for sure.
There's no way I'm going to hurt that poor professor guy.
Hey, are you guys as amazed as I am?
I mean, I always heard
that Roman roads were really advanced,
but these drainage systems are...
Look!
That must be an aqueduct!
Did you know that the entire city of Rome
gets running water from these things? Wow!
Great.
So when we're done killing the professor,
we can wash the blood off our hands.
Thanks, Sam!
I feel much better.
Oh, right.
Sorry.
Look.
Up ahead.
I think that's the Colosseum.
( crowd cheering )
Okay, so after we're forced to kill this guy,
we'll probably be thrown to the lions.
Does anyone besides me think we should find the Book
and get out of here?
Don't worry, guys.
I'll come up with a plan.
Ow!
Was that part of your plan?
( lions snarling )
( jaws snapping )
( towel snaps, Sam yelps )
I am really getting sick of this place.
Hey--
I am so sorry, man.
First, we didn't rat on you,
and second, there's no way we're going to kill you.
Have you ever read the writer Juvenal?
"The people who once made rules, armies and all else
now want just two things: bread and circuses."
So don't worry-- my death is nothing more than a circus act.
Leave it to us.
We'll get you free, or my name's not Fred the Freak.
Enjoying your last minute of life, Professor?
It is a beautiful day.
DORKIUS: This is how you'll kill him.
A quick thrust down, like this,
and up, like that.
And don't worry,
the professor will be incapable of fighting back.
( laughing cruelly )
Okay, Fred the Freak, so what's the plan?
Not to worry-it's all in here.
Not to worry?
If your brain is anything like your room,
we're in big trouble.
( crowd cheering )
We who are about to die
salute you!
( crowd roaring )
Poor guy.
He doesn't stand a chance.
( bellows )
Hey! Hey, no fair!
That shield was broken!
( grunting )
( straining )
Ha-ha!
Huh?!
Give me my sword!
DORKIUS: For the emperor's pleasure,
I have decided to give these three boys
their first kill.
( crowd cheering )
Not to rush you or anything,
but now might be a good time
for that plan of yours.
Okay.
( clearing throat )
Um, hi, everyone!
( crowd quiets )
Okay, so, uh, instead of killing the professor,
how about we bring you
the Time Warp Ninja Smackdown?
( all growling )
( whispering ): Play along.
( crowd roaring )
Ooh!
( screams )
( crowd roaring )
Ha!
( screaming; crowd cheering )
( boys growling )
( crowd roaring )
FRED: Whoo-hoo!
I did it!
I am the man!
If we get a thumbs-up from the emperor, we live.
Thumbs down, we die.
We die?
Was that part of the plan?
JOE: Good going, Fred!
The emperor doesn't know what to make of it. See?
He's looking to the keepers of Vesta's shrine--
goddess of the hearth.
He needs a sign from them.
( crowd roaring )
You freed me!
Just as you promised!
No problem.
Any time you need a plan, I'm your man.
Do you see what I see?
FRED: Yeah-- six thumbs up.
Let's go before their hands start to cramp.
Samantha?
What are you doing here?
What am I doing?
I'm trying to save your butt!
How dare you mock me!
Now all four of you shall die!
( bellowing )
( grunts )
I think it's time to run...!
Wait for me!
How do we get out of here?
Over there-a trap door!
( all screaming )
( water dripping, echoing )
( bat wings rustling )
Whoa!
( Sam screams )
( hissing )
( screaming )
So where's the Book?
If I knew, do you think I'd be standing here?
Uh-oh.
There they are!
( bellowing )
( all screaming )
( roaring )
Follow me!
Do you know where we're going?
Of course!
I've been to Rome dozens of times.
I know a great place to hide.
SAMANTHA: See over there?
Pompey's Theater-where Caesar got killed.
And up there...
Where'd it go?
Oh, right.
See, I thought we could hide out in the Pantheon.
I forgot the emperor tore it down to build a new one.
It's interesting how they're constructing...
Hey--
love the tour and all,
but we're kind of busy right now, remember?
Oh, right!
I know another safe place.
This way!
( roaring )
( all shouting )
You know what, Horridus?
What?
Pick on people your own size.
( bellows )
Ooh. Plus you could use a breath mint.
( grunts )
( yelps )
( whimpering, weeping )
PROFESSOR: Wait!
You can't go in there!
It's not allowed!
You can't go in there!
Too late!
PROFESSOR: This is the Temple of Vesta.
Men are not allowed inside.
It's protected by the gods
and all the Vestal priestesses.
Her?
A priestess?
( boys laughing )
This is not a joke!
If we're found in here,
we will be...
GIRL: Buried...
alive.
Priestess, forgive us, we meant no harm.
There are one or two of you
who might deserve to be buried.
But I will forgive you-this time.
Priestess, vidistine librum caeruleum...
Have you seen a big blue book?
We need it to get...( gasps )
She's got the Book!
You may have the Book... on one condition.
You must kiss my foot.
You're kidding, right?
( Horridus bellowing outside )
It's Horridus!
Kiss her feet!
And say, "I am not worthy."
Aw, give me a break!
( Horridus bellowing )
Okay, okay!
( grudgingly ): I am not worthy.
Aw...
( kids exclaim )
Wait! What about the professor?
Can he come, too?
I'm sorry, it has been foretold.
"The boys must leave without delay,
but here in Rome the professor must stay."
Wait! He'll get killed!
Wait!
( boys coughing )
Where were we?
Oh, yeah.
Eat my socks.
What's the matter with you?
They're pounding the professor!
There's not much we can do--
unless you want to go back.
ANNA: You know,
I'm sure your friend is okay.
He probably turned out to be a great poet
or something.
Quit patting me!
How does she... I mean...
Ignore her-she doesn't know anything.
There's got to be a way to find out
if the professor escaped.
JOE: Fred was so determined
to find out what happened to the professor
that he went someplace he'd never been before.
Gotta go.
( sighing )
These Roman dudes made way too many statues.
I don't believe it!
It's him!
The professor-- I found him!
He made it!
( laughing, imitating trumpet )
Shut your trap, okay?!
I can't hear the TV!
You know what?
This is my room and I'll yell as much as I want.
And you know what else?
Knock next time!
( polite knock )
Yes?
Who is it?
Could you please shut your trap?
I can't hear the TV.
And also, if you don't, I'm going to pound you!
Sure.
Okay, I'll keep it down.
( snorts )
( straining )
Ow.
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org