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Joe: It was a dark and stormy night,
and Sam was ruining
a perfectly good movie.
Tara: What was that?
Schuyler: Just the wind!
Tara: Schuyler, I?m serious.
I heard something in the front hall!
Schuyler: Alright, Tara. I?ll check it out.
Joe: No! Don?t check it out!
The Pigman is in there!
[Yawn]
Sam: You?re wasting your breath.
They?re the first two people we?ve seen,
so one of them has to get eaten!
It?s the law of horror movies.
Schuyler: Aah! Pigman!
Sam: See?
Joe: Remind me not to invite you over
when there?s a totally excellent
trashy horror movie on TV.
Joe: Well, at least the nachos are ready.
Sam: Oh, come on!
You can?t tell me you were
honestly enjoying
Blood Wars Two, Return of Pigman?
I mean, even your sister
could?ve written something scarier.
Joe: You wouldn?t say that if you?d seen
Blood Wars One.
I couldn?t eat bacon for a month.
Huh! That?s strange!
These nachos are still cold.
Didn?t you hear the bell go off?
Sam: Was that Anna?
Joe: She?s at a sleepover.
And my parents are at a party.
It?s coming from the hall closet.
Someone?s in there.
Sam: I get it. The movie, right?
The spooky noise in the closet?
It?s all just a setup, right?
Like, let me guess.
It?s a tape recorder in there?
Joe: I didn?t do anything, I swear.
Sam: Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Why even bother with the tape recorder?
I bet it?s probably just Fred, right?
Joe: Sam, don?t!
Sam: That?s not Fred!
Monster: Aah! Aah!
Sam and Joe: Aah!
[Song] Be careful what you wish for!
Go!
There they go,
three boys surfing on the time continuum.
There they go,
Green mist fills the air,
the book can take them anywhere!
Go!
There they go,
three girls warping time
it's 2105.
There they go,
you can catch a ride
with the Time Warp Trio.
Go!
Traveling through history
with the Time Warp Trio.
Go!
Monster: Aah!
Sam and Joe: Aah!
Sam: You didn?t tell me you had
a house guest!
Joe: I didn?t now I had one!
Sam: He?s ten feet tall!
Joe: I know!
Did you see those scars?
He looks like Frankenstein!
Wait a minute.
You don?t suppose that is Frankenstein?
Sam: First thing,
the correct term is Frankenstein?s monster.
Frankenstein was the name
of the doctor who created him.
Secondly, he?s not real!
Joe: Tell that to him!
Monster: Which one of you created me?
Joe: Uh, it couldn?t have been me.
I got a C in life science.
Sam: Um, neither one of us created you.
If Joe here is right, Mary Shelley did.
Monster: Who?
Sam: Mary Shelley.
The woman who wrote Frankenstein.
She created you.
Monster: Where is this Mary Shelley?
I must find her.
Joe: Wait.
You?re not going to find her here!
You?re not going to find her anywhere!
She lived in the nineteenth century.
Monster: Then I will wreak my vengeance
on all mankind!
Joe: Can you please wreak your vengeance
in someone else?s kitchen?
My mom?s going to kill me
when she sees this.
We?ve got to get him out of here.
Sam: How? He?s not real?
He?s just a piece of fiction.
I mean, we can?t just shove him back
in a book!
Oh, what did I just say?
Joe: That?s a great idea!
Distract him while I get the book.
Sam: Distract him? What am I supposed to
[Gulp]
Joe: Hey!
I found a page about Mary Shelley!
Sam: The itsy bitsy spider crawled up
the water spout.
Down came the rain
and washed the spider out.
Monster: Aah! Pretty songs!
Sam: And dried up all the rain.
I calmed him down.
I guess music really does
soothe the savage beast!
Joe: You call that music?
Sam: Joe,
do you really think this is a good idea?
Joe: Look! We?ll just drop him off
with Mary Shelley,
and then come right back.
I mean, she thought him up.
Let her deal with him.
Monster: Sing!
Sam: Okay, okay!
Just taking a breather!
Just do it!
I?m a Yankee Doodle Dandy,
Sam: Born on the Fourth of July.
That was a tough warp.
Joe: Hey! At least I got us to the right place!
This looks just like the picture I saw in
Uh oh!
Sam: Oh great!
So now we have to find Mary Shelley
and the book.
I knew this was a bad idea.
Joe: What were we supposed to do?
Call the police and tell them
a fictional monster was trashing my kitchen
and making you sing nursery rhymes?
Monster: What is this place?
Joe: Switzerland, 1816. I hope.
Monster: And my creator is here?
Sam: Um, Mary Shelley spent
a summer vacationing here with her husband,
the poet Percy Bysshe Shelley.
Joe: Now, if only we could find out exactly
Hey! We?ll ask them!
Sam: Are you crazy?
They?ll take one look at him
and be off in a flash!
Joe: You?re right.
You?re going to have to hide while
we find your creator.
Monster: No! You will bring me to her!
Joe: But we?ll never get to her
if you come with us.
You?ll scare everyone away.
Monster: Fine, but if you do not return
with this Mary Shelley,
I will wreak my vengeance;
on him!
Sam: Ow! Hey!
Joe: Okay, okay! I?ll find her!
I promise!
Sam: You?d better, Joe!
And hurry!
Joe: Stop, stop!
Lord Byron: Impudent scallywag!
How dare you obstruct my passage.
Do you not know who I am?
Joe: Um, no.
Lord Byron: Really? How about in profile?
Surely, you recognize this aquiline nose
and flowing raven hued locks?
Joe: Nope. I?ve never seen you.
Lord Byron: I suppose it?s time to leak
more scandalous stories to the press.
I am Lord Byron,
notorious British poet in exile.
Joe: I?m Joe, from Brooklyn.
Lord Byron: You should not be out.
Night will be upon us soon and these woods
are filled with creatures, wild and strange.
Joe: You don?t know the half of it.
Um, Mr. Byron?
You wouldn?t happen to know
a woman named Mary Shelley, would you?
Lord Byron: Oh.
You?re with Mary and Percy.
I should?ve guessed.
All their friends dress so eccentrically.
Hop in! They?re at my villa.
Joe: You? You, Miss Perfect?
Lost. I love it!
Jodi: I am not lost.
I just missed my warp target. That?s all.
Joe: Yeah, by like a thousand years!
How could you get Cleopatra
and Mary Shelley mixed up?
Jodi: They were on the same page
in the book.
One Hundred Women
Who Changed the World.
Joe: And let me guess.
You hit the wrong one? I don?t know, Jodi.
That sounds like a Warping 101 mistake.
Jodi: Huh. You?re one to talk.
You?re not even going to enter
The Warp Academy for another ten years!
Joe: There?s a Warp Academy?
Jodi: Anyway.
This is much better than
Ancient Egyptian Makeup Tips.
Mary and her friends are a riot!
We stay up every night telling ghost stories.
Joe: Yeah?
Well, one of those stories has come true.
The monster from Mary?s book
showed up in my hall closet.
Jodi: That?s impossible.
She won?t even write Frankenstein
for another year.
Joe: Oh!
Tell that to the walking jigsaw puzzle.
He?s in the woods back there.
Maybe someone did something to the book?
Jodi: No way!
It hasn?t left my side since I got here.
I hold onto it, unlike some people.
Joe: Well,
we better figure out what?s going on quickly.
I left the monster alone with Sam.
I hope he?s alright.
Sam: The camptown ladies sing this song,
doo-da, doo-da.
The camptown racetrack?s five miles long,
Oh, de doo-da day.
Monster: Again, again!
Sam: No. No more.
Monster: Argh!
Sam: Please?
I need a rest. My throat hurts.
Monster: Food! I want food!
Sam: All I have are my house keys.
Oh, sure! Help yourself.
They?re made of iron.
[Burp]
Monster: Where is your friend?
Why has he not returned with my creator?
No more waiting!
I will find them both and destroy them.
Sam: Oh wait. I have something you?ll like.
I just remembered.
No, no, no, no!
Not food. Music. Beautiful music.
Monster: Sing!
Sam: Here! Let me!
[Music]
Jaque: Pierre, look! It is a demon.
Pierre: And he is enchanted, the poor boy!
They are locked in a devilish dance.
Jaque: They come from the woods.
Demon!
Sam: Uh oh!
Monster: Ah! They want to dance with me
Pierre: Shoot them, Jaque! Shoot them!
Sam: No, but they just might destroy us!
[Shots]
Sam: Run!
Wait! Slow down!
You?re going too fast for me!
Polidori: Alas, she was no more.
The sweet child?s vermillion life liquid
had been drained.
A crimson flesh fluid tapped dry.
Joe : How much more of this do we have
to listen to? I?m worried about Sam?
Jodi: We can?t just blurt out that a monster
has escaped from Mary Shelley?s mind!
No one would believe us!
We have to wait until we get her alone.
Polidori: And it was all the doing of
a vampire.
Oh, come now!
Weren?t you even a little scared?
[Yawn]
Lord Byron: I?ve been more frightened
by a basket of kittens.
Percy: Your characters just don?t leap
off the page, my dear Dr. Polidori.
I?m afraid Percy?s right.
Perhaps you should try changing
the vampire from a one-legged
fish monger named Biggles to
someone a bit more handsome and wicked.
Someone like, well,
like our Lord Byron here.
He?d make an excellent vampire.
Lord Byron: I have a better suggestion.
Stick to medicine and give up
writing altogether.
Who wants to go next? Mary?
You have anything new?
Mary: No, but I did have
the most horrible vision last night.
I suppose it could be turned into a story.
Here. I?ll read it to you.
Oh dear. This isn?t my notebook.
Joe: Uh! The book!
Jodi: How did you get that?
Mary: I haven?t the slightest
Oh wait.
I remember you left your bag
in my room the other night.
When I awoke from my nightmare,
I couldn?t find my notebook.
But then, I saw yours peeking out
from the bag.
I didn?t want to lose the image,
so I scribbled it down
in the margin of a page.
I must?ve forgotten to put it back
in your bag. I?m terribly sorry.
Joe: Never left your side, huh?
Nice one, Jodi.
Mary: I know. I?ll just tear this page out.
There?s not much else on it.
Joe: No, no!
Jodi: Bad idea, very bad.
It?s sort of a family heirloom.
Why don?t I just read what you wrote
and you can copy it down?
Jodi: I saw a hideous creature
stretched out beside me.
It was assembled from the parts of corpses
and was covered with scars.
Then, through some force unknown,
it came to life and looked at me
with its half-living, half-dead eyes.
Jodi: Wow! That was some dream.
Did you get all that?
Monster: Argh!
Percy: Aah!
Jodi: Aah!
Mary: It?s just as I imagined!
Monster: Cruel woman!
I have found you at last!
Now you will suffer as I suffered!
Jodi: Aah!
Joe: Wait! You?re making a mistake!
Monster: Argh!
Jodi: Help! Help!
Joe: So you see,
it?s not just a time traveling device.
It actually is the whole
space-time continuum.
Polidori: And this magic book can turn
fictional characters into living people?
Joe: Uh, yeah. I guess.
Actually,
I didn?t know about that part before.
Polidori: I must have it! Name your price!
Joe: Uh, sorry! It?s not for sale.
Polidori: Then let me borrow it,
just for a few hours.
I want my characters to live!
Lord Byron: Don?t do it, Joe.
There are enough dull people
in the world as it is.
If anyone should be allowed to borrow it,
it should be me.
Polidori: Villain!
Lord Byron: Rogue!
Joe: Don?t you guys get it?
My great granddaughter has been kidnapped!
We have to get her back!
If only Sam were here.
He?d know what to do.
Sam: Well for starters,
I wouldn?t leave my best friend alone
with a ten foot angry walking dead guy!
Joe: Sam! You?re alive!
How did you find us?
Sam: Easy.
I followed the trail of broken trees
he left behind.
Whoo!
That guy?s going to deforest Switzerland
unless we stop him.
Joe: That?s the least of our worries.
He?s got Jodi.
Sam: Jodi? But how?
Joe: I?ll explain later.
Come on! We have to find her!
Mary: Wait! I?m coming too!
If what you say is true,
then I?m the one he wants.
Lord Byron: Mary, you mustn?t.
It?s too dangerous for a lady.
Mary: A woman can face a monster
just as well as a man, your lordship.
Especially when it is of her own creation.
Alright, but allow me to join you.
There is safety in numbers.
Are you coming, Polidori?
Polidori: Uh, I would,
but someone must attend to poor Percy.
Monster: Argh! Argh!
Jodi: Would you please stop roaring?
My ears are killing me!
Monster: If you do not like my voice,
you should have created me
with a prettier one.
Jodi: For the one millionth time,
I did not create you.
Now put me down!
You?re wrinkling my skirt.
Monster: That book you are reading from.
Was it not ours?
Jodi: Well, yes,
it was, but
Monster: That is all the proof I need.
Prepare to perish!
Jodi: Wait! Why are you so upset
at being created anyway?
Monster: Why? Because I?m hideous.
That?s why!
Jodi: You are not hideous!
You?re, uh,
unique!
Monster: Argh! You lie!
Jodi: Okay, okay!
I admit it!
You?re hideous, but I can help you.
Monster: How?
Jodi: I always come prepared.
Monster: Food!
Jodi: No, not food!
Something much more essential.
Makeup.
Sam: The monster and Jodi
could be anywhere by now.
You should see how fast he can run.
Mary: Yes. That?s how I imagined him!
More physically powerful than any man,
and driven by an unrelenting
thirst for revenge!
Joe: Too bad you didn?t imagine him with
a head that glows in the dark.
It would be easier to find them.
Lord Byron: Ha! That sounds like
one of Polidori?s ideas.
I wonder what that screaming
mumper is up to.
Polidori: What cannot be bought
can always be stolen.
Characters don?t leap off the page, eh?
We?ll see about that.
In his twenty eighth year,
Lord Byron, author of the poem,
Childe Herold,
underwent a mysterious change.
His teeth grew into a pair of pointed fangs.
His pitch black eyes became as red as rubies.
His nails grew into long, yellow claws, and
his voice was replaced with
the hiss of a serpent.
[Hiss]
In short, he became a vampire!
Hahaha!
Joe: So then, the pigman is brought to life,
sort of like your monster,
except he?s a genetically altered
pork product, and
Lord Byron: Hiss!
Joe: Gesundheit!
Aah!
I think there?s something wrong with Byron.
Sam: Aah!
Mary: Quickly! In the castle!
There are lots of places to hide.
Jodi: Well, I guess that?ll have to do.
I?m all out of base.
Your extreme monster makeover is finished.
I?d show you what you look like,
but you ate my mirror!
Monster: Aah! Crunchy!
Mary: Quickly! To the tower!
Jodi: Uh, people.
Now remember.
It?s not just about how you look.
If you want people to like you,
you have to be warm, and sweet,
and nice, too. Okay?
Monster: Warm, sweet, nice!
[Footsteps]
Joe: Jodi! You?re alright!
But where?s
Monster: Ah, friends! Let me hug you!
Mary: Ohh! What happened to him?
Joe: He?s even worse than before!
[Mumbling]
Jodi: That?s not the reaction
we were hoping for.
Maybe you should be a little more
positive!
Joe: Oh, uh.
Nice coat?
Monster: Argh? No more games!
Now you will all die!
Sam: Did someone say die?
That?s it! I?m out of here!
Jodi: Joe!
Tell me you have the book with you!
Joe: Of course I have the book of
Love Poetry?
Jodi: Nice one, Gramps!
Sam: Well guys?
Which is it going to be?
Should we have our skulls crushed by him,
or our blood drained by him?
Joe: I have a plan. Huddle!
[Whispers]
Monster: Argh!
Joe: Okay! Break!
Joe: Hey big guy! Eat my dust!
Jodi: Bite me, snaggletooth!
Joe: Now! Cut in!
[Struggle]
Joe: It?s working!
They?re going after each other!
Mary: Ugh!
The monster has overpowered him!
Whatever is wrong with Byron,
he does not deserve to die!
Stop!
Jodi: Mary, no!
Mary: You wretched creature,
would that I had never thought of you!
Monster: It was you, mortal!
Mary: Yes. It?s all my fault!
[Struggle]
Monster and Lord Byron: Aah!
Joe: Do you think they survived?
I don?t know about the monster.
I never imagined him in water.
But Byron might have.
He is an excellent swimmer.
Sam: What happened to him, anyway?
One minute he was an eccentric poet,
the next,
he was an eccentric poet with fangs.
Joe: I have a pretty good idea. Come on!
Let?s get back to the villa before
the mummy and the werewolf show up.
Lucky for us,
Polidori was experiencing
a terrible case of writer?s block.
After turning Byron into a vampire,
he couldn?t come up with a single idea.
Polidori: Uh.
Maybe I should bring Biggles back.
Jodi: Ahem!
Joe: Mary was right.
Byron was an excellent swimmer.
He showed up just moments after we did.
Lord Byron: Ugh. Oh, Mary.
I had the most terrible dream.
Aah!
Jodi: Uh!
Joe: Yup!
Soon everything was back to normal,
except for one little thing.
Sam: You?re not going to write Frankenstein?
Joe: But you have to! It?s a classic!
It?s the grandfather of all horror fiction!
Jodi: And the grandmother
of great Halloween costumes!
Mary: I?m sorry, but having actually
seen the monster that lurked in my mind,
I just can?t bring him to life, in any form.
In fact, I?ve decided
to give up writing altogether.
It?s too dangerous.
Thank you all so much for showing me
the error of my ways.
Joe: Agh!
We?ll be going back to a world
without Frankenstein! That?s bleak!
Sam: You know.
The monster wasn?t such a bad guy,
when he wasn?t eating my cheese
or making me sing.
Now no one will ever know about him.
Jodi: Or Mary Shelley.
Do you know how many women writers
she was going to inspire?
Guys?
I think we have to warp back
to the night Mary had that dream.
Joe: Good! She?s still asleep!
Jodi: And there?s the book,
right where I left it.
Joe: Think you can hold onto it this time?
Jodi: Just try to find Mary?s notebook
without waking her up.
Joe: I see it!
Sam: Don?t move a muscle!
Mary: Aah!
Sam: Wahoo! We?re back!
No more vampires and no more monsters!
Joe: Yeah! Just a kitchen that?s going
to take hours to clean.
Hey! Did you hear something?
Sam: No, no!
Joe: Neither did I. The rain has stopped.
Come on. Let?s get some pizza.
We?re going to need some fuel for
the long night ahead.
[Music]