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( kids screaming )
( all grunt )
One second-- you hold the Book for one second
and warp us to the middle of nowhere?
It wasn't my fault. I didn't even open it.
It's because you put it on that pinball machine.
Who knows? Maybe you've warped us inside of one.
That's ridiculous.
We're just in a-a park somewhere.
If it is a park,
that's one nasty game
of Capture the Flag.
Hey, you three, don't just stand there,
take this ball to the trebuchet.
Uh, okay. No problem.
You heard the man.
To the trebuchet.
What's a trebuchet?
( sighs )
Follow me.
( all grunting )
What took you so long?
Sorry, Your Lordship.
These peasants are small.
I'd have used the big ones, but they ran away yesterday.
Backstabbing Scots!
And what about you
three curiously garbed commoners?
To whom do you vow allegiance?
To, uh, the King.
Which king? Edward III or David Bruce?
Wait a minute.
It's a trick question.
There aren't two kings... right?
There is only one true king of all of Britain,
and that's Edward III.
David is just an ungrateful Scottish rebel
like his father, Robert Bruce.
Right. Edward.
That's what we were going to say,
wasn't it, guys?
Spies! Sent from David's supporter, that unruly
harridan Black Agnes!
Well, we'll just send them right back.
Move them into the trebuchet!
You got it all wrong! No. Wait. Stop!
( all screaming )
Be careful what you wish for.
BAND: ? Go! There they go ?
? Three boys surfing on the time continuum ?
? There they go ?
? Green mist fills the air ?
? The Book could take them anywhere. Go! ?
? ? ?
( electric guitars playing steady beat )
? Go! There they go ?
? Three girls warping, time is 2105 ?
? There they go ?
? You can catch a ride with the Time Warp Trio. Go! ?
? Traveling through history... ?
( ticking )
? ? ?
? With the Time Warp Trio ?
? Go! ?
JOE: There's not a lot of time to think
when you're about to be splattered against the wall
of a Scottish castle.
But one question did occur to me.
Why me?
The answer was simple-- family.
And then you just put the remainder over here,
and voil?, that's long division.
You're so smart.
If only you were my older sister
and Joe was my great-great-grandnephew.
Don't trust her, Jodie. I know that voice.
She's up to something.
I am not.
You're just jealous because we're bonding.
Yeah. So, now that we've bonded,
will you teach me something about the Book?
See? I told you.
Anna, I know you've done it before,
but you're really too young to time-travel.
Yeah, Anna, listen to Jodie.
Having said that, I guess there are
one or two little things I could show you.
Wait! No fair!
I'm older. You should be teaching me first.
Age doesn't matter, right, Jodie?
Tell him.
Does, too!
Does not!
If you two don't stop fighting,
I'm not showing either of you a thing.
Now, before you open the Book,
you should always make sure your hands are clean,
especially if you've been around Fred.
I usually carry around some disinfecting lotion
for just this purpose.
Now, where did I put it?
Wait, there's tomato sauce on this table.
We should put the Book someplace clean.
1,338? Huh!
I could get that with one hand tied behind my back.
Ah, here it is.
Not only does it kill germs
that can infect the space-time continuum,
it's also a lavender-scented moisturizer.
Hands, please.
( mumbling ) ...meddling nephew...
( snoring )
Traitorous brother!
( cuckoos )
Huh?
Ha-ha, right into my trap.
Now let's see where my craftily hidden time bomb
has sent that little warp runt.
Medieval Scotland, eh?
( laughs ) Perfect.
( in Scottish accent ): We'll have bagpipes
at your funeral, laddie.
( laughing )
( screaming )
( yawning )
I wonder what new treachery that black-hearted Earl
has cooked up for me today.
( gasps )
( yelling )
Sending children over the wall?!
Oh, that's a new low, Salisbury!
You're all right, then?
No broken bones? Good.
You can let yourself out the main gate.
What? But the chubby dude with the goatee will kill us.
What the Earl of Salisbury does with you is his business.
This castle has been under siege for nearly five months.
We don't have food for three extra mouths!
We are very light eaters.
I'm fine with just a salad.
You can't send us back out there.
I demand to speak to the person in charge.
I, Lady Agnes Randolph, am the person in charge of Castle Dunbar.
My husband, the Earl of Moray,
left to train Scottish troops in the north.
With him away,
the English thought we wouldn't put up much of a fight.
Well, I guess you're wrong about that,
eh, you greedy swines?!
Your accents are strange.
What clan are you?
Clan?
Are you Campbell, MacDougal?
Where does your loyalty lie?
Well, I like the Yankees, but Anna here is a Mets fan.
What he means, Your Ladyship,
is that we're from very far away.
We don't have clans in New York.
You're from York?
That's an English city!
She said "New York."
It's very different.
It's not English at all. We swear.
Hmm.
If you're enemies of the English,
you could help us.
Then again, you might just be spies.
Constable MacDoohickey!
Aye, Your Ladyship?
Put these two in irons until I decide what to do with them.
Leave the wee one with me.
She is full of spirit.
I like that.
You'll get one bowl of oats a day.
Any complaints and you can have a stretch on the rack instead.
The rack? That's the torture device
that pulls your arms and legs out of their sockets, right?
Uh-huh. The oats can't be that bad.
You haven't
tasted them yet.
JOE: Uncle Joe!
What are you doing here?
Oh, just seeing the sights.
Or rather, that was my intention
when I ( clears throat ) borrowed the Book from you,
but that's all in the past.
My favorite nephew and great-great-grandniece
are here to save me.
Um, actually, we were hoping you were here to save us.
Butterfingers here dropped the Book on a pinball machine
and now we have no idea where it is.
Pinball machine?
Not the pizzeria on Joralemon?!
Yeah. Why?
Oh! I thought I had defused them all,
but I forgot about the pizzeria.
Defused what?
Pinball machines?
No! Time bombs! Horrible things.
They propel unsuspecting warpers to a random date
when the Book comes into contact with it.
1,338.
1338, my score.
That must be where we've warped to.
But who would...?
BOTH: Mad Jack!
He used to make small-time bombs when we were kids.
He's coming for the Book and you.
He may already be here.
What do we do?
If only I could reach my pocket,
I have the perfect lock-picking device.
Wait. I may have something in my pocket
that could help.
Joe, see if you can reach it.
( grunting )
( men yelling )
Come closer, Salisbury,
so I can see your saft tattie of a face.
"Saft tattie"?
That's Scottish for "mushy potato."
Oh, he hates it when I call him that.
( laughs )
Ah, you barely nicked us!
Why are they attacking you, anyway?
For land.
But we Scots won back our rights
to our own land 24 years ago,
at the Battle of Bannockburn,
and now they have no business here.
Ach! Not the library!
Library?
Lady Agnes, did you have a blue book
about this size in there?
With silver squiggly things on it?
Yes, yes, that's it!
No, never seen it.
But heard tell of such a book once,
written in green ink by fairies.
Local legends say it was hidden somewhere
within the walls of this castle.
Where?
But that's glaikit nonsense. Come on.
I'll show you where we drop boiling oil on the attackers' heads
when they get too close to the walls.
( grunting )
Phew! Okay, now what?
Squirt some on my hand.
You're hanging in a dungeon
and you're worried about germs?
Just do it.
Quickly, the tool is in my inside pocket.
A pen?
This is the perfect lock-picking device?
Not just a pen, my dear, the pen.
Uncap it.
( whooshing and whirring )
Heel, Pen, heel!
I know you're upset, but it wasn't my fault.
Now be a good pen and get us out of here.
Whoa, where'd you get that thing?
A pawnshop in Rangoon.
That's my nephew, Pen, and no, he doesn't have any treats.
He eats lint, but don't give him any.
It clogs his nib.
LADY AGNES: And if they get past the drawbridge,
we'll drop this heavy wooden gate,
the portcullis, on them.
That's it! You're all going on the rack,
and there'll be no oats tonight.
Uncle Joe!
Constable MacDoohickey, sound the alarm!
The sow is coming!
No! Not the sow!
All hands to the castle walls!
Ah, Lady Agnes, I must thank you
for that stint on the rack.
It completely cured my sciatica.
However, I fear there's been a misunderstanding.
We're not spies, we swear!
It doesn't make any difference now.
Unless there's a miracle,
this castle will be in flames in minutes.
That's the sow?
I was kind of hoping it was just a really big pig.
Maybe there's some back door we can escape from.
But the Book is here.
Lady Agnes said there's a local legend
that it's hidden somewhere in the castle.
Well, it's not much good to us
if we've been riddled with flaming arrows.
Besides, it's just a legend, Anna.
So, what do we do?
We stay and fight with Agnes.
But they don't stand a chance.
Nor do we, if the Book is destroyed.
This wall could be all that's protecting
the entire universe from annihilation!
( all gasp )
Take that, you limping toads!
We're doomed.
They outnumber us 100 to one.
If only we had something really big
to throw on that thing.
Yeah, like that pinball machine
you had to put the Book on.
How was I supposed to know it was a time bomb?
Would you two stop it?
We're in big trouble,
and fighting about a pinball machine
isn't going to save us.
Or is it?
Lady Agnes...
what do you do with those big stone balls
the English have been throwing at you?
We leave them where they are.
They're too much trouble to move.
It might just work. Quick.
Tell MacDoohickey to gather all the wood he can find.
( warriors shouting )
A little to the right.
More... Stop!
We're ready!
Okay. On my count.
One... two... lift!
The sow is collapsing!
Run away! Run away!
Direct hit!
There! Have a taste
of your own medicine,
you fat bag of haggis!
I don't believe it.
It actually worked.
Well done, lad.
Oh, it was nothing.
Now that we've defeated the English for you,
do you mind if we take a look around the castle?
There's, um, an old legend we'd like to investigate.
Defeated the English?
It would take a lot more than a big rock to do that.
No, they'll be back here tomorrow.
But we tanned their hides today,
and tonight there'll be a feast in your honor.
JODIE: This is the feast?
Aye, and I gave you each an extra pea,
so I don't want to be hearing any complaints.
Want to trade turnips?
No way.
You guys can split mine.
I've lost my appetite.
And this fly won't leave me alone.
Shoo! Shoo!
I'm sorry it couldn't be more,
but we barely have enough to live on.
We are most grateful, Lady Agnes.
Now, about this so-called "faerie book" my niece
was telling me about.. MAN: Your Ladyship!
I've just heard word from a villager.
Sir Alexander Ramsay of Dalhousie
is just east of Kirkcaldy.
He's a friend of my husband.
Does he know of our plight?
He didn't say.
With the help of Dalhousie's army,
we could send Salisbury packing once and for all.
We have to get word to them.
Any volunteers?
Get away.
Ugh! That's it.
I've had enough.
That's the spirit.
I've had enough, too.
I'll join you.
Join me? Doing what?
Going on the mission you just volunteered for.
Mission? I didn't volunteer for any...
Jodie of New York, you're a girl after my own heart.
Risking your life
for a bunch of strangers. Bless you.
But, but...
I think what she's trying to say is
perhaps we should all go on this impromptu expedition.
Sorry. More than two and we're sure to be spotted
when we sneak through the English camp.
We're sneaking through the English camp?
Of course!
How else are we supposed to steal their horses
and ride over 50 miles through enemy territory?
( Jodie moans )
We can't let Jodie go on that mission.
She'll never make it.
I know. But what can we do?
Don't you worry about a thing.
Constable MacDoohickey will protect you.
Ooh, someone's got a little extra for supper.
Lucky lass.
( moans )
I hope she'll be all right.
Don't worry.
Jodie's a lot tougher than she seems,
and she might just be safer out there
than in here.
I can feel Mad Jack watching our every move.
ANNA: How are we going
to get to the Book before him?
All the legend said
was that it was somewhere in the castle walls.
Wait. We do have one advantage over him.
Alakazam!
"Aspirin. Soy milk.
Cat food"?
This is a shopping list.
True. But I used it to mark my spot in the Book,
and the pen has an infallible nib.
Heel, Pen!
Sniff. ( sniffing )
Now, go find the Book.
( shrieks )
EARL: What's going on?
My tent has been sabotaged.
What happened?
I tripped on Salisbury's stake.
Guards! After those two!
( sniffing )
It's just a blank wall.
Do you think the pen smelled green mold
instead of green ink?
What's he saying?
"What part of 'infallible nib' don't you understand,
you two-bit time-toddler?"
I-I don't think
I'll translate the rest.
Hey, look! This stone is loose.
The Book.
Nicely done.
I would have found the Book myself,
but why bother when you have such helpful family members?
However... I will take it now.
Ha-ha!
Still relying on that cane, eh, Jack?
Not just my cane, little brother.
I also rely on foul play.
( coughing )
No! Uncle Joe!
( gasping )
That was just a tap.
Now, hand it over, nephew, or I'll julienne
your favorite uncle's DNA.
Don't do it, Joe.
MAD JACK: Make up your mind!
I don't have all the time in the world...
yet.
Come on.
You know you want to save this incompetent twit
who performs pathetic magic tricks for you
on your birthday.
Now, hand it over.
He's right.
No, Joe. The fate of the universe is at stake.
I'm sorry, Uncle Joe.
I-I just can't do it.
Here, take it.
Excellent choice.
Although you really shouldn't throw the Book.
I'm surprised my brother didn't teach you that.
Touch that book and you're history.
How do I turn this thing on?
Press the green button.
UNCLE JOE: The other green button.
You play dirty.
I like that.
Pity your reflexes
aren't faster. ( chomping )
Ow!
I think we've lost them.
Think again. Look!
We're trapped.
It's Dalhousie's men.
We made it!
Drop it!
Ah. Get off me, you little monster.
You think you can win against me?
When I get through with you,
there'll be pieces of you in every era
since the dawn of time.
( clank )
Mommy?
Castle Dunbar rule number one...
no swordplay in the Great Hall!
Who is this rat-faced bully, anyway?
My uncle. He's mad.
I'll say.
Threatening a pair of wee ones with a... with, uh...
what, what is that thing?
And what's that in your hand?
Oh, this?
It's a, um...
Just a pen, Lady Agnes.
The pen that wrote this faerie book.
Don't take this the wrong way,
but I think you're all a few shillings short of a pound.
Dalhousie's men are here!
I hope Jodie's okay.
Quickly. To the parapet.
We'll be there shortly.
I just have to make sure
my broth... Ooh!
Where is he? Blast it.
I should have taken that pocket watch from him.
Well, well, we'll just have to wait till next time.
What next time?!
He almost hacked me to pieces.
But you stood up to him, and if you use your head,
you'll do just fine when things get really bad.
Could you define "really bad"?
Come, come. We mustn't keep the ladies waiting.
Come back anytime, Salisbury!
Hope you enjoyed our hospitality!
( Jodie groans )
It was terrible.
We came this close to getting caught.
I got nauseous from all the riding, and look--
I chipped a nail.
She didn't close her mouth the entire time.
"Are we there yet?"
"My bottom hurts."
"Can we stop for a snack?"
I swear, I thought I'd perish.
Oh, they're a strange lot, but we owe them our lives.
Jodie of New York,
for your help in driving the English away from Castle Dunbar,
I award you 50 of the fattest sheep
in the Scottish Midlands.
Um, thanks, but my building doesn't allow pets.
Oh. Would you prefer something else?
We'd be very grateful if you allowed us
to keep this faerie book. ( gasps )
Where'd you find it?
It was within the castle walls,
just like the legend said.
Faerie book?
A load of tripe, if you ask me.
But if that's what you want, be my guest.
Joe, would you care to do the honors?
Right where we left.
Hey, you're getting better at...
Wait a minute.
Where's Uncle Joe?
You lost him! Oh!
But I did everything right.
My hands were clean, I opened the Book and... Hey.
What's this?
"Dear Joe.
"Sorry to leave in mid-warp.
I had some urgent business to attend to. Uncle Joe."
There's something else in here.
"P.S.: Congratulations
"on graduating to the next level.
You are now a Time Page."
I'm a Time Page?
I'm a Time Page!
Check it out. I don't see you wearing one of these.
That's because I haven't been
a Time Page since I was five.
Oh. So... what are you now?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Okay, Time Page...
how about some help with my math homework?
( Joe sighs )
( ticking )
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org