Skip to main content

Full text of "Penthouse Collection"

See other formats 


li 


8 


| 


74470102242 la 


— 


| ed — „Г 


ee 
2 : Gan'scelebsbiopieprimer 


— ы ae 
— 
ж” — 


Mercedes-Benz CLES 
AMGandCK63 AMG. 


TheiPhond NS ERIedout | _ 
— 34 winter Blast. | 
eee — | 
— 2 tos - 
' £ 
4 
| 
t 


Pot Peeves ana — 
28 Рош Hous 


АОнун: = 
OntheCover | = Ze 
“Taye Parker. Pet of the Month 
Tayaparkor 
\=-96 Jennáand Jana 
JernaPresey and 
кы 


BEFORE GLADIATOR. BEFORE ROME. 
THE MOST DECADENT SPECIAL EDITION OF 
ALL TIME IS HERE ON DVD. 


: m 
* 
у" yy ЕЎ 
IMPERIAL EDITION: 3 < $399 
REMASTERED Î ET he у 
1 


DNRELERD F GE. 
ALL-NIBW 
ORI LING COMMENTARIES 
BY MALCOLM MCD@W ELE ANID: 


— 1— у) 
| ES 


| CALIGULA > 


HIGH DEFINITION. * Y АЛУ, 
HOURS OF PREMIQUSI r rra ерт 


XC AED TI NE 


SINGLE-DISC 
EDITIONS 
REMASTERED IN 
HIGH DEFINITION 


Г. 19 
ONLINE DVD 


Forum 


Gametime 

Pharm Animal 

Penthouse Books 

‘Stand-Up Guys 

illustrated Forum 
bape cher ae X-Rated Video 
Will the next sexual Past Perfect 


revolution bein gaming? 
By Heather Chapin 
Warrior Wire 
Snipers under fire 


-Day 
‘peri 
Neil Strauss attempts 


theimpossible: ЗО days 
withoutanorgasm 


True еве rom atot 

lend. By David Whitehouse ё 
Correctiontrom December 2007: me ч 
оого for tve этисе Forty Deuce" 


Shoudhave been credited to Jf Vogeding. 
We apologize tor the orror 


PENTHGUSECOR S 


enough totug down my sweatsand 
pullher dress over her head before 
taking my cock backin her mouth. 

While she licked, sucked, and 
stroked the hell out of me, lunhooked 
herbra and flung it across the room. 
Icaressedher ful breasts, rolling my 
thumbsover her hard nipples. She. 
gently squeezed my balis, апа Кога 
split second | wondered i should put 
onthebrakesnot/Imoved my hand 
between her legs and felt herwet 
snatch When! slippedtwo fingers 
into her, she moaned and sucked even 
harder on my cock. 

“Waita second; I sald, trying to 
catch my breath. 

"Are you ready to take the plunge?" 
sheasked. 

responded by lifting her up so her 
pussy was directly over my cock. Like 
‘aheat-seeking missile, found my 
target and slammed into her. held her 
waist tokeep her from movingso 


J could last. When | said it was okay for 
herto continue, she placed her hands. 
опту shoulders and started riding 
meat asiow, steady pace, giving me 


a chance to calm down. didatfirst, 
did something a few months | tits.Theyfeitfulland inviting through butthen my hips developed a mind 


ogothatImstilindnghard | herdiess TMenlremernberedshewas oftheirownandi thrust upward. 
ibeleveldímntendto | RussSsquoezesollowered my arms pushing hertogo faster 
. Carie. | andsald Sorry Care Youve got I 
Itjust happened—just how she just nice tits, though”. and knees?" she asked, 
Heopenediobeaitheneighborhood | “iknow” she said. Tener hand "ldontthinkiconlast that longt"! 
berwithherfiendroneFridaynight | was onmy chest, siding down ту. . 
E than she realized rolled er under 
eforardebecktothahousetha | cockwessirendy sini hard tom hee — pounding hard 
Shared with my brother Rute un, | massage — torts Kan "natas ек ег muscles tighten 
. | length when she bagan staking ma. Round my surging cock as plunged 
... ̃—d | My body started to vrate the way it — sevara more mat 
bigtesse d hungeutwithherand | doswihen iget reaiyhomy.ciosed Secondslaterl lost, shooting 
Rusealotsoldiantmindtheso-rale | my eyes and zavored the feai ofer whatfotikeanendiem amount 
. figured cout | handan my cock come no Carie. When tne tremort 
.. | Iwaslostinutby thetime Caio Stopped. Icolapsed ontop other, 
beck home inthe morning removedher hand, — — heavy 
. with | backafthecouch andina n tront breathing and sound of Russel 
Cargendmetaking ndieuphing | ofre: She put my cock in her mouth sowing wood 
. | Soguichly. didnt havetime to think herent morning had trouble 
.. but | about whatmight be wrong with this looking Russinthe eyes buthe 
.. | situation Cante stopped sucinglong appeared obe cueless and sgh 
Weesnorig end would haveslapt hungover. Carrie behaved as if 
through an earthquake. He always My body started to nothing unusual had happened, 
wasaighewoightwhocoudethold | \ i н andi gottheimpression hat sho 
Кел. vibrate the way it does mitt have done ts before ере. 


WhieCarrietoundsomesheets when get really horny. | Salrwnenshetriedto convince 


anca pilo for me,ikept er laughing metlatlenculdongaroundforthe 
withstoresofprenisinadpaea | Closed My eyes and festofthewackend. Name 
. 
grabbedtheremate,andsatdown hand on cock. ques basti y ss 
. — аныш 
Cami steppedibefindme and started — tease 
— — 56 

"Ooh tateei reni good ана — — 
— — — кош 


fora hug, but my handslanded on her. 


‘SFENTHOUSECOM 


Вто TOP ( CIGARS FOR AN 


Ifyou like handmade 
cigars, you're gonna love 
Cigars International! То 
prove it, Гуе compiled a 
sampler of the finest 
cigars in the world 

for one super-low 
introductory price. 

From the mellow 

and mild to the bold 

and flavorful, these 
meticulously handmade 
cigars are the “cream of 
the crop.” CI's 
First-Class Premium 
Cigar Sampler brings 
you eight outstanding 
‘cigars from some of the 
best cigar makers today. 


But even better is the 

price: instead of the normal 
retail of *47,, my offer to 
pos injust 7101 Am I crazy? 
Tm betting once you receive 
these top cigars, together 
with our free 68-page cigar 
catalog, you'll become a 
lifetime customer. Now that's 
an offer you can't refuse! 


One per customer please. 


First-Class Premium 
Cigar Sampler 


ү 
Lim 


CIGARS INTERNATIONAL. 


“Sand me one each tc brands kr О +15 sh Pen aria ars add EN endes, 
ary taros on oden ped aade of PA apostle pause) Cr pias RUE < 


(ty tatty Већ Dae 


Payment С Check esee c Visa o MC c Amex с Discover Ex 
сузне. ULIITTITITITITTIT] 


кш Phone: 1-588-244-2790 « Fax: 1-888-732-2442 · 6771 Chrisphalt Drive ө Bath PA 18014 


DenthouseForum 


SKIN TO SKIN 
The night was warm, clear, and 
perfect fornocturnal play. We were 
headedto our cabin for the weekend, 
but! couldn't wait to get there. My 
boyfriend had been out of town for 
‘more than a week, and | was overdue 
for sexual servicing. If only he'd let me 
drive, we wouldhave beenin bed by 
now. We were just 20 minutes from 
our destination when realized that 
couldn't take itany longer I told him 
to pull over. 

We started kissing and touching. 
asif we hadn't had sex in months. The 
passion began to build as weclung 
to eachother, our heavy breathing 
theonly soundon thebackroad. His 
hands roamed over my breasts, butit 
wasn'tenough.| needed to feel his hot 
body against mine, skin to skin. 

luntangled myself from his grasp. 
and got out ofthecar. Imovedinto 
theglowofthe headlights. Hiseyes 


SPENTHOUSECOR 


followed my every move. With little 
fanfare, began stripping off my 
clothes. Before finished, he was out 
ofthecar and undressing right beside 
me. Then we were tangled again. his 
cock sandwiched between us, and his 
tongue leaving a hot trail along my 
neck. wasalready wet for him but 
hetookhis time. His fingers glided 
across ту breasts, lightly playing with 
my hard nipples. Would he lash out at 
‘them with his tongue? He knew that's 
what! wanted, but he held back. 
Iplacedmyhand on his соок. was 
his tum to moan as pressed my hand 


He lowered his head 
until | felt his hot mouth 
between my legs. | went 
wild as he worked me 
over with his tongue. 


againsthishard length. He picked 
meup and wrapped my legs around 
his waist. His cock slid along my wet 
folds, teasing my pussy. Slowly, he laid 
medown on thehoodof the car and 
pressed himself against me. He teased 
my tits withhisfingers and slowly 
brought his mouth to my breasts, 
swirling tight circles around my taut. 
nipples with his tongue. 

His fingers trailed down my 
stomach and slid into my pussy. 
was so ready for his cock, but he still 
held back. He lowered his head until 
Ifelthishot mouth between my legs. 

I went wild as he worked me over 
with histongue. He continued the 
assault, heightening my excitement 
and pushing me to the brink before 
hefinally planted his dick where it 
belonged. wassoturned on that! 
came assoonas he entered me. Ho. 
waited untill opened my eyes, then 
began slowly thrusting in and out 
while! moaned and cried out for him 
todoit harder. 

Instead, he rolled over ontohis 
back. was crazed with desire, but 
I knew why he had stopped. | rolled 
ontop of himandsiowly moved my 
mouth down his neck and across. 
his chest stroked his cockand 
Continued to move down until was 
sure he could feel my hotbreath оп 
his dick | slowly licked it from base to 
head until he begged for more, Then! 
rolled my tongue around theheadand 
strokedhis shaft with one hand while 
I massagedhis balls with the other. 

He was moaning like crazy, thrusting 
against my hand and mouth. He. 
wanted meto take more, sol lowered. 
my mouth as far as | could. He begged 
meto go faster. stayed in control, 
gently stroking him, using my mouth 
for his pleasure and torment. 

When he was at the brink of losing 
control, he satupandeased me 
off the car. Then he turned me around 
and bent me forward, pressinginto 
mefrombehind. | met his wid 
thrusts with my own, crying out with 
pleasure, wantingto take allof him. 
inside me. Before! knewit, was 
ripping the windshield wipers and. 
coming as he slammed into my 
pussy. His hands gripped mine and. 
1felthis release before we both 
collapsed. 

Panting and sweaty, we stayed 
there until he slowly eased out of me 
and rolled ontohis back When he 
tapped me on the ass, knewexactly 
whathegoing to say. 

"Okay, you can drive!"—Name and 
address withheld. 

More lettersonpage146 


PENTHOUSE | 


READER INFORMATION 
Present and Publisher Magazie Group DIANE M. SILBERSTEIN 
TOOROERASUBSCRPTION For rear (2 ‘trim Chet MARK HEALY 
— 
.. 
Panta cee desc FL 32342- 
0235 dee eee ctoO- 9 Ti fom 
MeUS From Coradooresevterer bevor ca 
286447636 (од Ку custome arva 
TTT 
eee bende 2 е ол weekends 


тн Contributing Editors RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL, ERIC DANVILLE. 
. . 
— — — — 
— ЕЕ Ы жт: 
—— em 
— a 
————— — — 
Vos e — 5 
——— 
—̃ ̃ — . — 

onen — 
—— — 
— | — и 


Arno PO BoxA20235 Pm Constr S242- 
. 


3 ͤ — — MAROA SCHULTZ 
A Customer Service Manager/Analys! MORGAN EVERETT 
TORDIEWASUBSCHIPTON orae noore тате отсон DALHARBUTT 
. — — EN 
Tanner vr gl ا‎ 
— тате уз cn пенисти 
. —— pe 
. АСКОЕ. 

Merle elo rrt owen Same Manager CLARE 1 TONE 
эйи. Promotion: Manager LAINIE SPEISER 
{FYOUPADFORA SUBSCRITONBUTARESTI. — KATLEENDERZON 
ЕТО иу y weapon — — 
ad ‘Director ModelRecrurment STACY VALENTINE. 
four weeks before getting another bi, send proof of x — 
vargas tora PO Bon tear 
genen Via Preier trat rio, MOHAELMENCHOLAS 

PRODUCTION 
——— aê 
T E ag Pin ICHAEL TANG 
. —— n 
. —— ‘ode Protection anger 
orlyonsuchidentificationasastory tthe o Meca zn 
subject matter orthe picturwon the cover cdam — 

є Type Systems Supervisor. MARIO IANNOTTA 
m——— ——ů— — 
Озапреттаволкорсвдронкемгесову Cette ao paar LESUE SAUNDERS 
— — —— 

. уролог r tM 

 Perthousetst consitutes copynort ifengermant. — 4 
. 

Meine — — MARCH BELL 

— hit Opening Oe JAMES SULLIVAN 


As a professional restorer of antique and classic 
watches for major museums, 1 recently reviewed. 


the movement and individual part 


of the Stauer 
iat watch. The assembly and the 
f the m 
movement are excellent. 


Magni 


precision chanical 


— George Thomas 


Towson 
Watch 
Company 


Upper Class Just Got Lower Priced 


Finally, luxury built for value—not for false status 


nly a few of us are born with 
silver spoons in our mouths. And 
until Stauer came along, you 


tance to buy a timepiece 
That has 


needed an in 
with class and refinement. 
suddenly changed. The 
brings the impec 
ngineering once found only in the 
collections of the idle rich. If you have 
actually earned your living through 
intelligence, hard work, and persever- 
ance, you will now be rewarded with a 
timepiece with understated class that 
will always be a symbol of refined taste. 
The striking case, fused in 18k gold, com- 
pliments an etched ivory-colored dial 
exquisitely. By using advanced computer 
design and robotics, we have been able 
to drastically reduce the price on this 
precision movement. 

Оо you have enough confidence to pay 
less? Status seekers are willing to overpay 
just to wear a designer name. Not the 
Stauer client. The Stauer is built for 
people who have their own good taste 
and understand the value of their 
dollar—fnally, luxury built for confident 
people. And this doesn’t mean the rich 
aren't smart. Quite the contrary, Stauer's 


recent clients include the most famous 
morning news host, the infamous 
captain of a certain starship, last year's 
best actor nominee and a former best 
actor winner. They were all clever 
enough to recognize a spectacular value. 
Ik took three years of development 
and $26 million in state-of-the-art Swiss- 
built machinery to create the Magnificat. 
Look at the interior dials and azure- 
Colored hands. Turn the watch over 
and examine the 27-jeweled automatic 
movement through the transparent 
back. When we took the watch to our 
local luxury watchmaker, he disassem- 
bled the watch and studied the escape- 
ment, balance wheel and the rotor. Не 
remarked on the detailed guilloche 
face, gilt winding crown, and the 
crocodile-embossed leather band. He 
was intrigued by the three interior 
dials for day, date, and 24-hour moon 
phases. He estimated that this fine 
timepiece would cost over $2,500. We 
all smiled and told him that the Stauer 
prie was less than $179. He was 
stunned. We felt like we had accom- 
plished our task. A truly magnificent 
watch at a truly magnificent price! 


The Magnificat is not sold in any store. 
Stauer sells it directly to you through a 
specia nt with the publisher 
of this magazine, so we bypass the out 
geous markups at luxury jewelry stores. 

Try the Magnificat for 30 days and if 
you are not receiving compliments, 
please return the watch for a full refund 
of the purchase price. The precision-built 
movement carries a 2 year warranty 
against defect. If you trust your own 
good taste, the Magnificat is built for you. 
This watch is a limited edition, so please 
act quickly. Our last two limited edition 
watches are totally sold out! 


ан or 
m 


The Stauer Magnificat · 


800-721-0387 


Promotional Code MAG296.01 | 
Please mention this code when you call 


To order by mail, please сай for details 


Stauer 


14101 Southerous Drive We, Dept. MAG29601 
Бате. Minnesota 55337 


s, Jewelry and Collectibles 


‘STOCKING STUFFING! 


So what if you put off shopping? | 


You're a guy—it's not only 
accepted; it's expected. But 

with the right DVD in hand, you'll 
look like you planned ahead. 


our buddies will love The 
Roger Corman Collection, 
which celebrates the man 
who tuned the B movie into an 
artform Corman hada greateye 
for behind-the-camera talent as 
well: Oscar winner Francis Ford 
Coppola worked on two films (The 
Premature Burial and The Young 
Racers)in this eight-title set, and 
Peter Bogdanovich worked mostly 
uncredited-—on The Trip (written 
by Jack Nicholson) and The Wild 
Angels. The collection also includes 
Bloody Mama, with Robert De Niro: 
A Bucket of Blood, one of Corman's 
career highs; Gast: and X: The Man 
With the X-Ray Eyes—about a guy 
witha truly valuable ability 
Your cinephile pals will appreciate 
The Coen Brothers Gift Set, which 
‘goes from Joeland Ethan Coen's 
firstmovie—the rillantfilmnoir 
flashback Blood Simple--to the dark 
comedy (basedon real events!) that 
seduced Oscar himself, Fargo, They 
also put their twisted stamponan 
array of other genres with the wacky 
baby caper Raising Arizona, the 
hard-boiled gangsterflick Millers 
Crossing, andthe quirky satire. 
Barton Fink. Sadly, the timeline ends 
pre-Big Lebowski Fans of the Dude 
cannot abidethat. 


The UA sets include 
guy classics—7he Great 
Escape, Rocky, Midnight 
Cowboy, and The Good, 
the Bad, and the Ugly. 


лелноозеоом, 


If you're looking for something old 
school, the Fordat Fox collection has 
24 fims from legendary director John 
Ford- including The Grapes of Wrath, 
How Green Was My Valley, and Drums 
Along the Mohawk-18 of which are 
newtoDVD. There'salsoa coffee- 
table bookand a new documentary, 
soit's perfect for the serious film buff. 
If you're shopping for someone 
who'sonly impressed by a hefty 
price tag. pop for one of the United 
Artists 9Oth-anniversary sets The 
Deluxe Gift Set has 3O films on 46 
discs from musicals and comedies 
to westerns and such great guy. 
classics as Raging Bull The Great 
Escape, Rocky, Midnight Cowboy, 
and The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. 
The Super Deluxe Gift Set has even 
more ofthe same, with 90 films on 2 
discs Seriously Itstheperfect suck- 
upgiftfor your girlfriend's folks, espe- 
cially ifthey re well-off and convinced 
you're not good enough Considerit 


aninvestmentin your future. 


By Barbara Rice Thompson 


cinema's greatesthits, 
ira Rind 0th areversry 
[essonisagmet DVD for 


SUNSHINE 


m 


Lost 
SEASONS 


BALLS OF FURY 
Pg Song to tna ra, 


Кален wel Tho ims 


Lost include behind-the- 

scenes featurettes, 

"secrets from the world 
ofthe Others,” and ез 

"access to the Lost Ragga bebe 

writers room.” Like we голые» 
aren't already Кек 
obsessed enough. 


TRADESECRETS: 


Walk 
This 
a 


The men behind Walk 
Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, 
Judd Apatow and Jake 
Kasdan, teach us how to 
make an Oscar-worthy 
biopic. Or at least how to 
make fun of them. 


By Matt Haber 


here are three things any Holly 

wood player worth his Oliver 

Peoples shades can tell your 
Ifyou want your “decency” get Tom 
Hanks. Ifa scenehasaflying saucer, 
your soundtrack needs a theremin. 
Andifit'sa boatload of awards you're 
after, know these two words, which 
studio hacks have conveniently 
shortened into one: biopic. 

Therise and inevitable fal (and 
even more inevitable comeback) of. 
эп era-defining figure is irresistible 
catnipto quality directors like Martin 
Scorsese (The Aviator snagged 
Oscar nominations) and Milos. 
Forman (Amadeus won eight statues, 
including Best Picture). Actors love 
‘em, too: Jamie Foxx took home the 
Oscar for channeling Ray Charles 
in Ray and even Gary Busey (Gary 
freakin’ Busey!) was nominated for 
The Buddy Holly Story. 

Butis there a can't-miss recipe for 
the ultimate biopic? Director Jake 
Kasdan and his cowriter/producer 
Judd Apatow think so. As they get 
set tounspool Walk Hard--the long, 
strange trip of an imaginary rock'n 
rollrebel-we ask them to reveal the 
secret formula forthe perfect biopic: 


Will Walk Hard 
spawn a full-on 
Dewey Cox revival? 
robably not. 


beende 


WALKHARD 


John C. Reilly, JennaFischer, Jack Black 


sigomecrors 
IIGACTOR «Bio PICTURE 
een a groat rector 
who get together min an 
actor whos ay baing wtout 
Orange County For the comedi 
Wea Hard Kasdantagped John 
C Remy who uti recenty vas 
‘wort infra by Scorsese and 
Paul Thomas Anderson. 

SER метан Man ma Wt 
Smin nA James Mangold and 
aain Proein waa Pe ine 


cameos 
espa Apatow We ought 
would be funy # то one телу 
кома Ike the papse tay wore 
койу andthe уйме Siroes Jack 
Megs tray comede karte 
SEE Cate Blanchett Katharine 


rta Gardner in The aviator: 
Crispin Giver as Andy Warhol in 
терооз 


орозтонву 
SLEDGEHAMMER 

SEE Every ingie ine in 

The Doors 


Маштоц. 
SOUNDTRACK WHICHLEADS 
мактала saye Kandan RS 
mong muse We were vor 
ing омты tor eigne morens 
atore estate fime т 
(rocks Dewey musica joumey 
€— M 

om ear rock rot iei 
Prychedeta uo trough a col 
anion wath Wu-Tang Ci 
SEE (OR USTEN TON: La Bamba: 
oolPrers Daughter: Gost 
Dowithie Seiena Ray 


VIC OFF THEREVIVAL 
Wa wea Hard spsen ation 
Sart promos Dewey 

аттестата? Probably 


not SPOLER ALERT. The. 
"Ihwwsomamentinthasun. 
coming Dut tho posthumous 
SEE Wht Love Gotto Do 
weni rest io Ray 


И 


REVIEWS 


Jat about very male-centric 
бесик Point Blank, Casina, 
ron сш, and The Usual 
Suspects, completa win 
экеуөгЗозе-е nour), 
but ends u collapsing in a 


JUNO 
Michael Cera, Jennifer. 
amen Ellen Page, 
Jason Bateman 

Ws aiready sumed testi 
owes, put i's no chin- 


— a shocking nonsensical. twosome heap. 
sarcasiccomedyaboda Themovietesturer some 
. REVOLVER Imaginative sets апа one. 
pregnancy. bee, Вау Liotta, Jason sequence trat rival Saving 
treraotamartsasoy Statham, André vato nr trat 
бөл schooloutiseryou Benjamin. mentolthe pure conceive 
secwüycnahedcnindem- — Youkrowwhwnyourmone  forceofagunbattie. But 


мшу cies Ае ers зекий sucia? Whanyouhetotot Beyond that, Revolver es 


палыне ratu 
independence to bring he 
baby tater tor adoption The 
movie marks the тумо го. 
.. mo UX twoysartego Now 
— тондор. 


PREVIEWS. 


1AM LEGEND your 
Will Smith, 4^. WITHOUT YOU 
Sall Richardson, EE Tim Roth, Bruno Ganz, 
Alice Braga — Alexandra Maria Lara 
Wi iets no ‘hay bad tme en ere 
scl game face on again Daniel Day-Lewis, Why do we care? Because. 
(see |, Robot) tor a big-budget Paul Dano the man behind the lens is 
—— eee eee 
— ... K 
— — ̃ —— — 
— va .. 
— ma — — 
—— J зовано 
— erer, emen ce and 
—— . casona lodos as 
. . — sapos 
— cta eee eee 
—— — — 
mo tania — — EES 
— — — 
Клет — prior niemand 
— — 
.. atomic Da gens 
(Wl smith gets Sin mt 
5 Serious 5С! heprojecthas a serious only as Sofla's dad JR. 
game face Оп for a амитан 


Ma imu get alsorts ot 


remake of The Last | Siro ba 
Manon Earth. se 


TV 


High 
Drama 
Mama 


The wait is over: Miss Howard Stern, 
Andrea Owenby, finally has her 
very own reality show, available on 
Howard TV On Demand. 


By Jim Florentine. 


ndrea Owenby was 
crowned Miss Howard Stern 
back in 2002, at18, and she's 
heldthe title in her unsteady hands. 
ever since. With her high-pitched 
cartoon voice (whichis nota put- 
on, by the way) and her hilarious. 
train-wreck appearances on Stern's 
radio show, she's won legions of 
fans. Now the former exotic dancer 
from Dalton, Georgia, is starring in 
areality showabout her nev 
dull-moment life, We talked about 
hor new show, her fling with former 
Stern producerk.C. Armstrong, and 
What it takos to get into her pants. 


How did you like doing the 
reality show? 

Ilovedit. 'mlookingforward to 
seeingit. hope it's not lame. 


How could it be? Your everyday 
life is too interesting. 

‘Alot more interesting things. 
have happenedsince they 
stopped taping. 


Like what? Are you pregnant again? 
Oh.no.mnot pregnant, thank God. 


What do youlook for ina man? 
Iguessaconnection. It's hard for me 
to like someone for very long. get. 
tired of them pretty quick. 


Dotheyhave to havea bigcock? 
That'salwaysa good thing. Butit 
really depends if he is good or not 
Soa guy can havea smallone as 
long as he's good in bed? 

Sure, vebeenin that situation. 


“Abig cock is 
always a good thing. 


But it really ае 
he is goo 


obs 


nds if 


ornot.” 


Cool, then maybe | havea shot. 
Where would we goif we went out? 
Drinking, of course. But! haven't been 
havingany sex lately. 

Why not? 
im cot ne mood. Idon'twant to 
getpregnant again. 
‘What fhe does youin the ass? 
Well, Гуе never done that. 


You won't get pregnant that way. 
probably would because! got preg- 
nant with my daughter whenl was on 
birth control I get pregnant easily. 


Who do you thinkisa better 
‘mother, youor Britney Spears? 
know what Britney is going 
through. think she loves her kids, 
Just ike Поуету kid. We probably 
both grew uptoo fast. had my kid 
when! was16, so! didn't have much 
fun.Ididn'tpartythen, but idid 
when gotolder.Idon't thinkeither 
‘one of usis doing anything wrong. 
How woulda guylike me get into 
your pants? 

Its really uptomeif feel that 

with someone. 


М 


Well figured it would be up to you. 
But I wouldn't want topiss off your 
ex-lover [former Stern associate 
producer] K.C. Armstrong, because 
he'safriendof mine. 
He wouldn't get mad. We're just 
friends. Поме him, but rm not 

lave with him. We wouldn't work 
outasa couple. 


Whynot? 
Because he wants meto straighten 
'up.and maybe dont want to. 


Mtyouhad the chance, would you 
sleep with Howard Stern? 
Idon'tthinkso. Thatwouldbe a 
little bit weird. He's like a father 
figure tome. | respect him asa 
role model. 


What do you want this reality show 
todo foryour career? 

Halways wanted to doa realty TV 
show. want people to understand 
те more. If people enjoy it, Mbe 
happy. want peopleto know the 
truthabout me. 


SHOW AND TELL 


SWINGTOWN 
‘THE MISS HOWARD =ч 

STERN SHOW THE BACKSTORY: Vh 
HOWARD TV ON езен volition 
DEMAND presde to eee. 
Ауа Owenby comesto nimi generator, 
Howard TVinolarhetum- ‘winging causa semi 
voiced hará paying gery hh suburban bedrooms 
Unite mainstream realty THEELEVATORPTTCH: 
shows te Stem producers Trat Seventies Show ites 
Sant hato force conic — 


orstagestuatore trey 
slat tbe cameras rol 


Owenby Watch her turine ing me iove matching 
petet argument ever rto боза mpana the ешшм 
ana-rigrtarama: see her repertoire 

core tarbecur a term THE BAD: Then Ra to be 
— her even hough alet ofrelationshie bisher, 
ahe женил Georgia: me nat watching people тык. 
and marvels she drinks about senairegres 

‘mere whiskey thon ane THE VEROICT: We're 
MeGowanata wake. Ps irene ¡confused about 
bubble bathe sey proto erst and ме черт 
shoots and more i. tal were doing еше me 
етапе December mere nome weh a babyatter 


WORST IDEA SINCE VIVA LAUGHLIN 


IF WOMEN 
RULEDTHE WORLD 
FOX 
amat A group ol men 
when "vwd iocaling 
— an ind 
соттолду apparere aia 


Thenew year brings thereturnof some of our favorite shows— The Shield, 
The Wire, 24-but afew others deserve а close look By Barbara Rice Thompson 


THESARAHCONNOR 
CHRONICLES 
Fox 
THEDACKSTORY T 
pias up the story ot Sarah 
Te ELEVATOR PITCH: 
Sarah and hn tak on 
trer toughest othe 
premise, Lena Headey (the 
senyas-ellaunenin 300) 
тосе Unda amiton as 
one ot the toughest смеа 
eden 

ee 
already started planing our 
preme pary 


most whipped ART. 


UNHITCHED 
FOX 

divorced dudes and the 
datio scene 
TAELEVATORPITCH: 
How Met Your Mother aner 
Divorce Court 

Fare brothers Theres 
Something About Mary; 
las seasons Отогон 
Rashida Jones plays the 
lemyer/ptentallove interest 
THE BAD: AM fourof hem 
eventheguy who ust ended 
ier marrage) aro sec 
ing tor na“ when they 
could beembracithe 
Tor otcanuniser 
checking oi, butuntkaly to 
become habit 


Mötley Crüe bassist and reformed party monster Nikki Sixx has a best- 
selling book, a new album, and plenty to say about his once-wicked ways. 


V ECT 
DI 20 se 
— 
coe 
—— 
e 
a 
33 
. 
оошо 
ED. 
1 


That must have helped you down 
aself-destructive path. 

Well you getinto that way of 
thinking, then you mixin teenage 
hormones, and you find yourself 
heading downa road at100 miles 
per hour with no steering wheeland 
no brakes. Allyou can do is crash. 


Sixxtakesa steely look backinto with others who aren't? 
his hard-living years with memoir Here's the deal: My friends 
(апа album) The Heroin Diaries, stillinteract with me. Some drink 


‘which examine the years he hit rock outrageously. And some just have 
bottom.ChauncéHaydencaughtup a glass of wine. Someof them 


with himto dig deeper, have experimented with drugs. 
Butmalways the phone call 
We'll behonest, we knowhow where they'll say, "Tm spinning out 


crazy those Motley Crüe years were ofcontrol| better call Nikki" im 
‘and we're abit surprised you're still (ће опе they call because they 
with us today. know I won't preachto them. They 
'mamazed I'm still alive. feel know understand what they re 
reincarnated. Looking backonmy going through. 


ifo,it'sasifits somebody else's 
امیش اد زیا‎ fat Are you worried your legacy 
V inrock'n'roll willbe “reformed 


have piss and vinegar in my veins. | os 
stilleat and breathe rock'n'roll. But drug addict” rather than “Nikki Sixx 


thorockstar"? 
insideis mor ne 

аан Theonlyreasoni continue to talk 

Howso? about addiction at this point is to 

Theaddictionsinmylifemademe  raiseawareness for Covenant House. 


feelbad,andidontwanttofeelbad ^ ThebookandCD were putoutto 
anymore.lwantpeopletoknowthat ^ raiseawareness for Covenant House 
Icanbe rock n'rollanddo whatever andtoinspire peopleto give money 


I want to do, butstillbe a good andhelp these kids who are on. 
person.ldon'havetofeellikelhave  thestreet Iwas on the street, too, 
aholein my stomach. butit was nothing compared to what 
How much of your self-destructive _ esekidsgothrough. 

behavior do you blame on being Speaking of drugs, Viagra 
abandoned by yourparentsatan didn't exist backin aden but 
early age? itsallthe rage now. 

Tobe honest, Ididr't realize. Viagra should be called "the. 

until years later how pissed | was Punisher" it should say on the bottle, 


at them. knew | was pissed, but! 


didn't know how pissed. My dad left, Е 


'm still driven. | still 


тее | havepiss апа vinegar n 
. iv vais [stlleatón 
es Breathe rock roll 


“Take this when you want to punish 
yourlover—ina good way!" 


Doyouneedit? 
No.Iconsiderit vacation. You take it 
once or twice a year and walk around 
Ikethe cock-of-the-walk Meanwhile, 
your girls thereand goes, "Wow!" 


Youmarried two models. 
Neither worked out, and recently. 
yourrelationship with former. 
Baywatch star Donna D'Errico 
ended. Are women the kiss of 

death foraband? 

Musicians tend to pick the type. 

ot women who are bad for them. If 
youre ina band and your womanis 
badforyou, then she's bad for the 
band. When you're younger, you're 
‘not careful. All you think is, Oh my 
God, she's so fucking hot! She's 
perfect! litake it. boughta Ferrari 
‘once, just ike that. went in and saw 
aredFerrari and said, "take it!" But 
the fucking upkeep onacar that costs 
$250,0001s $2,500 per tune-up! А 
fat tire costs $500—and that's just 
toget therim fixed. Sometimes in 

Ше, youhavetosay,”1don'twant 
any more Ferraris. just want a nice, 
dependable car” ljustcan't stand the 
drama anymore. 


Bydrama, are you referring to 
‘Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson? 
‘never really paid attention to all 
that. If people are drama queens, 
just cut them out. don't return | 
their calls or associate with them. 
People have aone-strike rule with 
me. | don'thavetime to deal with 
people's bullshit. 


Vince Neiland Tommy Lee have 
done reality shows. Would you? 
No. Would doa Geico commercial 
Richard? No. It's just not 


Amovie aboutMótley Crüe has been 
inthe works fora whilo whats 

the holdup? 

Thestorycovers 25 years of this band. 
Thequestionis, sit going to bea 
cheesy rock movie, orisit going to be 
awell-planned story? 


What's the message? 
Four guys from completely different 
backgrounds, who have nothing 

in common exceptforrock' rol 
becomes gang, and then fall apart 
throughall ofthe success. Butin 

the end, they re tilstanding. It's 
survival tory.it'sa human story. 


Any regrets? 
None. 


you thi 
she’s so fuc: 


IN RAINBOWS/ | 


ENTER 


GaGa 


Radiohead caused a stir when 
they digitally released their 
seventh studio album without 
alabel, and then let their fans 
choose their own price. But 
how does it sound? 


thelight gone out for you?/ Because 
thelight's gone out for me /Itisthe 
twenty-first century," he sings bleakly 
in"Bodysnatchers” the most explicitly 
"song on his band's long-awaited, 
defying seventh album. Since 
paleand twitchy 
ed with the 


on thecheery subject of human 
isolation over backdrops that range 
from thundering techno("1S Step") to 
lingly sparse piano ("Videotape"). 
Whether he's stalking a lover inthe 
hypnotic"Alll Need” or 
be devoured by wormsin "Weird. 
Fishes/Arpeggi; Yorke dazzles with his 
creepy/ beautiful tenor. This is heady, 
dense stuff that suggests the band 
won'tbereturning to traditional verse- 
chorus-verse pop songwriting anytime 
папа it's tremendously rewarding. 
Penthouse Pick: "Alli Need 


For more thana 
decade, the pale 
and twitchy Thom 
Yorke has been 
obsessed with the 
consequences 

of big media—living 
ina world where 


Penthouse Pets. 


Sports. 


Penthouse Pets. 
Drinks. 
Penthouse Pets. 
Video Games. 
Penthouse Pets. 

at else 
could a guy ask for? 


PenthouseMagazine.com 


REVIEWS 


THEHIVES 
The Black 

and White Album. 
(Interscope) 
— sty, 
retrial concise unos 
owl реле Amavit andis 
equal y awesomely named 
hie hog (inana to guest 
producer Phor Willams, 
Remember whenthe Hives 
rated, heavy 
accented englshto boldly 
ordiri) preci 
‘themselves the only bard that 
tosomathingafter al 

“ou Dressup 

tor armageddon 


ech eus 


SOUNDS 


DAFT PUNK 
Alive 2007 
(Virgin Records) 


THE LIBERTINES. 
Time for Heroes: 
The Best of the 
Libertines 

(Rough Trade) 


AMPLIFICATION: 
Thal best songs sound 
— Doherty 


LOUISXIV 
Louis XIV 
(Atlantic) 
cf songs abou se t they 


. 

— 58 
VAMPIRE WEEKEND 
Untied at press ime 
Са Recordings) 


bee hype was ate 
anm cated me Scias but 
[ere they were sick hosters, 
те кил eiten 
Columbia grads merge ctp. 


mana gee sensibly the 
Somero.” singer Esa Koenig 
has sucha ht touch he can 
— утка about 

Expectinthe snow types to 


ALOOKBACK 


P.J. HARVEY 
From Dry to White 
Chalk 


hen xamined individua, 
Paty Jaan rarvey seven 


гаттан tener Envoy 
pant peetngblue-gunk? The 
[Me 1985) ithe one you want. 
— Checkout 
her 995 masterpiece 7o Bring 
You My Love Her most recent 
лду teautfulrecordin 
see The rorun eanincre Ny 
imoosible to predctwhore. 
jg mette stening: 


or those 


“Robert’s has sí 
VERY В 


IN NEW 


~ Frank Bruni - Now York Times 


BEST PLACE 
for dinner and a dance" 
Esquire Magazine 


"The REMARKABLE thing is 
how nicely topless dancing 
enhances the eating of 

GOOD FOOD, and 
the other way around. 

- Jeffrey Stoingarten - Vogue Magazine 


5 STA 
ST 


= Metro TV - Naked Now York 


r4 


TD 
NYC'S MOST UPSCALE GENTLEMEN'S CLUB. 4 


PENTHOUSE 
EXECUTIVE CLUB 
603 W 451987, CORNER 11™AVE., NYC. 212.245.0002 


A [mae ши | шш 


Ё 


= 


SPACUCHLAR im dun ин | RING TES 


histhird-person shooter is not 
your average war game where 
the objective isto simply blow 


shitup-though that'salwaysan 
option. Afew unique twists set this 
‘game apart from the pack: Player 
canusea tamponas a tourniquet 
toheala partner's injuries, shred air 
guitar mid-combat, andhigh-five 
eachother after a killer firefight. Not 
allis innovation, of course—there 
arethe obligatory customizable 
Weapons andenough brownish-gray 
environments to make you think 
you've stumbled into the local Pottery 
Ват. But when you've boosted your 
"aggrometer" which measures how 
much you vepissedofffoes-youand 
your partner cangobackto back. 
buddy cop-style, and smite your 


Even better, the duo doesn’t talk like 
they have rocksforbrains;instead, 
they mutter ines like, "This guy is 
harder to find than Britney Spears's 


panties," and "Fuck you! fm driving! 
while they bicker over who's taking 
the wheel 

Now the bad news: You can't play 
alone. You must choose either the 
game's assigned partner or a buddy— 
andif your friend happens to be the 


Your character mutters 
lines like, “This guy is 
harder to find than 
Britney Spears's panties.” 


gamer equivalent ofa ballhog or can't 
keep the control buttons straight, 
you're screwed. Remember Contra? 
In AOT your trigger mate won't 
whittle away at your 30 lives by 
moving too quickly up the waterfall 
level (yes, we'restillbiter) but. 
youareforced to work together. 
This means you probably won't. 

live very long when itcomes to 
getting out of tight situations. Our 
advice? When it's time topicka 
partner incrime-stopping, choose 
your trigger mate wis 


FINAL FANTASY ХИ: REVENANT WINGS 
(Square-Enix) DS 


ола follow tne characterstrom | to move players cast pais. 
[Xin tis resi-eme rate | and attack enemies You can 
. 
бөвруоойитадейими | inanin any eee 
¡roy пашу release the FFI | Flops May turn ойо 
prequel Cris Core piayng-game tans. at youre 
Rocks: Theheatol thebatir | required to follow masons 
|withook you cause [iretesdotroeming ree. 
jouto тату dra yur 


INDIANAPOLIS 500 LEGENDS 
(Destineer) WI OS 


Indlanapots Speedway and | engine Lotus-Ford ura. 
putyeurliteontholne every | purist with pation, youhave 
time youtake a corner ‘he optonotcomolating atu 
Rocks:Actionisbased on тө | ndyrece-ali200 aps. 
.. The graphics arent that 
"Stand ӨЛ, with such drivers | hot sothe DS version might be 
мА. Foyt Dan Gurney and. | abeterbet 


TOO HUMAN 
(Microsoft) Xbox 360. 


based oo uman youplaya |andmoremachne:some 
cyborgwenionoftheNerse | scanesseemipped trom the 


— | big sereen. 
Wwiththetaskot savinghumans | Flops: According to Norse 
frometineton ‘mythology. Baldur was 
Rocks: os heres the wal | te god ef innocence. jo 
iegmdsbewesponiend | andreconeliation not 


éte-buttheretaocmepy | destruction Oh and youre 
Pewrpresweliomgodiwho sve the camera angie 


(Ubisoft) PS3 
Carpenter vnete tet ner rom 
hariooed (eed: Maced) saved 
lung brtestotharebel 
factontheyme fighting How he 
Rocks Te twmotng drug 
perl 


Found too many Red Buts be 
The game isone ofthe trst 
PS3 tme to bring terme 
Rope Engaging tnt ied 
maja slows ony four 
раи 


ByRébecca Swanner 


жа LINGERIE. 
vers мит ANO быр 


(TO ой PRETTIEST 
‘Smt эз, 
уке 
‘pan 


2 


Us 


suis wS 
окан ut 
AT 

re DRESS UR, боом, 
кө GET Down! 


Personal Bests 


Seattle artist Ellen Forney transforms seedy sex ads into works of art. 
By Rachel Kramer Bussel 


eee 
E c pes 
deen. 
rangers LONAS O ine week” 
inwin Elan roma scams 
Catan tom rel peinsladi ake 
стото exime sera ote 
2 
eee vi he cipia jt 
Souucte syle LUST My nine 
— Seattles The 
SiangerFantagaphico colecta 
har bort rena ets Fomey 
— poopie 
— sds Ma Er 
a master. mon andeizabetn 
Adone eil — 
ß 
might thini tnese people are socant 
— — 


Qu SEEKS OTHER 
SEATTLE Guys FOR 
DISCREET DRESS-UP 
ME: CUTE, HAIRY, NOT 
Feminine выт Dave TO 


AND STRAP-ON 


IED 
pur ver 
we WAS 
INJURE 


D CAN ONLY GIVE ORAL 


a 
SEX. WE NEED A NICE-LOOKING, FIT, 


WELL-HUNG GUY To FUCK HER WHILE 


aw 


looking for lovein ali the wrong 
places, most of theinterviewees are 
infact horny and hip—self-styled 
"fucktarts" and “pirate wenches." 
(Ofcourse, the people who place 
personal ads in the decidedly left- 
leaning Stranger are probably not 
typicalof the breed.) 

The drawings are divided into the 
standard categories (men seeking 


Her playful drawings 
make you want to 
getto know these slutty 
Souls—and make 
personal ads not just 
acceptable, but cool. 


HE LICKS HER cet o ASS, must BE 
RESPECTFUL ~ WE ARE NEW TO THIS. 


women, women seeking women, 
etc), but any other resemblance to 
the traditional ends there. One reads, 
"Iwantto take my purple-headed 
warrior and plunge it into your 
quivering mound of love pudding,” 
‘accompanied by arendering ofa 
spear-wielding knight in shining. 
armor approaching apudding-filed 
‘goblet. Another: "Weliveonthe 
top floor of a downtown high-rise. 
‘Some horny nights, weturnonallthe 
lights, open thebinds, and perform 
for our unseen audience Play with 
167?" Forney clearly has fun with her 
Subjects- who wouldn't with material 
Iie"CurvyF longs to watcha very 
fatF onthetoilet”—while still treating 
each kink, from furries to feet to 
corsets to breast pumps, as valid. 
My favoriteadistheoneabove 
shapedlikea penis. Forney's kitschy, 
playful drawings make you want 
toknowtheseanonymous slutty 
souls—and make personal ads по! just 
acceptable, but cool 


REVIEWS: 


From a Book We 
Down 


Couldn't Put 


renato wil never now how, 
ier the medic cred over hie 
body how he woukdn tam. 
piecos watea ababy 
weste never know how 
Fürmanand spent a whole 
day intha tranche 

"down e slopes ooking tor 


esd blew otf and roed down, 
{otha Litany River We didnt 
wanttobeliew had rolled oll 


evading тете week we 
Sinad after өө iert Lebanon. 
when everthing ended. 
weleftcebanon -From 
Beaufort yRon Leshem. 
waratated trombebrew by 
EvanFatenbera. разма by 
‘he Delacorte Press 


рагы, body with 
how the re kept burning a 


that was supposed to make us 
feel bettor. Andhow eveyone 
watshattered omit The dy 
before. vet danced the waltz 
nourtieeringdugout. Welt 
andes, we werenapoy. And 
"henitended Heinever ever 
“Yonatan canta that sweet 
sweat mired withthe taine 

amel ot shampoo during a 

lena night of wild sexand 


THE DELIVERY MAN 
By Joe McGinniss Je 
(Black Cat) 
Dueto dar лди 
у cert Las 
Vegan ring wan band 
ara violence tirar s youre 
kg Te Dehery Man 
wont атар teno 
Youturang ta pages vyna 
8 
. 
presttvten re andre 
— ung. 
wran he's rot teaching them 
artatthelocainign scnool 
— ne 
hort summery than wen 
уоут утла ne pages) 
BA once youfnant you 
wort beatieto etito 
fast paced втома cine 
tomorrow брае 
. 
— Ftzgerad 
eee 
The Groat Gatsty 1n tact The 
|Dehery Han бө Gatsby istre 
story ofa lot generation While) 
Firgeradsfacoen dancea as 
fasta mey cou belone trer 
— 
arosranded nanemoty 
ee deat sen. cold: 
ange 

Tonisereat меенин 
retas tota Me ey ror 
hway at favores by somay 
[contemporary wrters wno 
тэк tierce vom tre 
characters You vee these 
come uretra ceo 
Tor rat trey are мател 
Srs soneto 
Bresk you heart The Dover 
ateos aer becomes 


* Уа 
OTHER PEOPLE'S LOVE LETTERS; 
180 LETTERS YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO SEE 
ByBill Shapiro 


(Clarkson Potter) 
Tri cotectionote-malt, 
note. ard caran canbe tootev 
lied "ow eter —but oy 
ortam ya modicum 
экоон Many of mese are 
‘cally bres betters. tne 
Ning youd ainge toreceive 
relatos. Some are so bnet 
Cibought wmiepederean 


anyone: these төтөп aro 
fes humorous angry and 
intense pertecttor emotional 
woeursorthoselooking 
пото demon by ying 
Stena 


sexy Crmthinkingaboutthot 
эте you tied me down to your 
bed and buttered my joana 
Ana us used your tongue”) 
Moniy these eners 

arehihiy timate anato 
Fidem to pest to 
erer You often el 
Bae asoy penoy 1o ce 
youshoulóntbe,oryoumight 
Sere be contuse Lover 
errores andere letters 
aram youinto tne misie 
. 
ries port Noting hse 


2 


Andie Valentino. 
Pet of the Month 
May 2007 


GET ACCESS TO MORE OF YOUR FAVORITE 
PENTHOUSE GIRLS ON YOUR MOBILE PHONE! 


E 
a & 


Hey handsome 
what are you wailing 
hat now 


Text MORE to 22000 for access to: 
Downloadable Videos, Mobile Wallpapers, 


Image Galleries and much тоге! 


OUNDREL 


C Monsters 


With a redesigned CLK anda ferocious new AMG, the once-gentle Germans at 
Mercedes-Benz unleash their inner beast. 


ByMikeGuy 


‘andmore decadently appointed 
than their production brethren, but 
these two'OBentries-the CLK63 
AMG Black Series andthe CL6S 
AMG—are the brightest of Mercedes's 
aftermarket superstars 


The gearhead geniuses at AMGhave 
been tuning plain-jane Mercedes since 
they openedtheir garage doors in 
Affalterbach, Germany in1967. By the 
time Merecedes-Benz bought AMGin 
1999.andmadeit their own personal 
tuning shop, AMG Mercs had set the 
standard for tweaking luxury lines. All 


eee 


Li ft Є 100 Eu FORCE 


Q-K63 AMG Bac з 


'Benztakes the Black Series on a serious powertr 


isNigel Tufnel's wet dream. On the road, the mountain of воду ум Two-passanger cou 
Bytaking an already tuned | torquels smoothly applied across a Engine б.ни Уз 
/AMGtoanevenhigherlevel,the Black | broad range,andeffectivelypinsthe Power 500 horsepower 
Seflês actually goes up ton. | driver into his seat. Its wide tires and Torque "pound 
Thiscoupelsthe official Formula | shortened wheelbasemean the car n 


і 1 he CLK63 AMG Black Series | heavierthanaNextel Cup car. 


‘One pace car, which meansithasto || stickstotheroad. uuu EY 


TunthetighthairpinsonFltracksfast | But buyer beware. The Black Series. 
enough to keep the tires warm on the | canbetooscaryto drive on public — 
monster machines lined up behind. | roads: The exhaust note sounds like a Tre 
ThecoreofthecarisMercedess | gutteral packof demon dogs,andthe. 285/30 var 
naturally aspirated | thvottieisaportal leading to enough ‚Su meist. APNEA noun 
| which produces power to hurt yourself and every 
northof 500 horses. Everything other car in your zip code. PONES rec 
seems juiced: 19-inch forged wheel, | Theplatformiswellset up for ened td neta 
‘composite brakes (14.2-inch front | extensive tuning ifyou want totake асолату 
rotors), enlargedradiatorandoil ittoaperformance extreme: The Price 
cooler, flared fenders, and the list goes | suspension-levelshock absorbers, 
‘on. Butthe new Black Series is about | front-andrear-axletracks, and wheel 
more than power. camber are all adjustable. 
ThisCLKis draped incarbon- Orly acouple hundred of these 
fiber details—fenders,spoiler,brake | devilish vehicles will make itto 
gills dash, diffuser,airdam, interior | American shores, which must bea 
paneling—eventhe back seatshave | relief to BMW—whoseM-series may 
been removed tooptimizeweight.At | suffer complete emasculationatthe 
3.900 pounds, it's one fatpassenger_ | hands ofthis Black! 


Do PEHTHOUSECOM 


The latest grand tourer coupe gives a command performance 


the"grandtourer"class | troublesomeobjectsinthe heads- Bodystyle Four passenger coupe 


[ ) fficlalytheCL6SAMGis | radar microwave shows potentially | 
ofthe Mercedes fleet, up display;and active cruise control спре ee 


whieh means lts long, heavy,and | adjusts to maintainthe speed of Power waeren, 


Wide Suttheresnottingpokeyor | upcoming trae — 
fat-assed about this sleek, sporty, Theexterior is the icing on the кышын = zii 
— is. | cele The grita is widened and 

| $140,000 luxury suite rides еа | underscored by aboldairdam, and 

| maglecerpet-powertü.smoeth | peppered with — 

... | toturther tighten a populace already 
Pampersdsultan cn edge by the engine note. You may 
Using the same naturally aspirated | be$140,000 further away frombeing изинин, 
ler aluminum. power a tan, uty God youve achieved 
plantastneCLKES the panoply of | luxury-coupezen Oie > 
e | e E 


| poundmonster make it perform 


fecorendum ere rune 6o THIS LUXURY SUITE ESER 
in 4.5 seconds, powers up to 518 RIDES LIKE A 

eo fou pipe MAGIC CARPET— 
Andit handles as responsivelyasany POWERFUL, SMOOTH 
VVV AS SILK, AND 
| on luxury details. It has throne-like. FURNISHED FOR A 


‘seats that hug and massage; the 


| walnut dashis real wood; night-assist SULTAN. 


eed 


The iPhone isn't the only multimedia mobile on the market. 
With keyboards, mapping programs, and music players, other 
Smartphones are set to take a bite cut of Apples dominance, 


By Chuck Tannert 


— muske and gaming ot 


THIS WIFI- 
ENABLED MUSIC 
AND GAMING 


TH, 
ORIGINAL Q, BUT 
ITS ONE-TOUCH 
LAUNCH KEYS 
MAKE THIS A 
TRUE MULTI- 
MEDIA DEVICE. 


SAMSUNG 
l> 8093 On 


“That one ot me Mast anders and bent: 


STANDARD 
SMARTPHONE 
FEATURES, 
INCLUDING A 
GWERTY-LIKE 
KEYPAD. 


‘This may be the best BlackBerry onthe 


WITH THE 
CURVE'S MAPS 
PPLICATION, 
YOU'LL NEVER 
NEED TO 
ASKFOR 
DIRECTIONS 


AGAIN. 


00: 


ier Bast 


Ed 


Grab these cold-weather toys and prepare for some totally 
immature fun. Just don't piss your snow pants! 


gy sonia people with snow- 
B: s tebogganingdown 
ME caes and posi you 
nameintovirgn snow sedto be so 
muchfuninthewinter But now that 
you're an adult with responsibiities, 
thetrigidtemperaturesandicy 
Windehleld just make you lng 


By Ben Goldstein 
for summer. Well fuck that! You're 
never too oldto set aside grown-up 
worries andrecapture the idiocy of 
youth. Youjust need the hardwareto 
getthejob done with style. 


r 


THIS YAMAHA 


SLED WILL HAVE 
BYSTANDERS 
GAPING IN AWE— 
THEN DIVING 
OUT OF THE WAY. 


> EA 


=’ y P 


Pet PEEVES 


It's obligatory gift-giving season again! And unless you feel like 
‘enduring a dry spell this December, you'd better buy your 

girl something good. Pet Renee Diaz explains how to make your 
woman happy. By Jonathan Ages 


DUMPING GROUNDS 
"The worst gift you could give toa 
girlwould be a far-fetchedsextoy. 


“| HAD A BOYFRIEND 
нода ar teicnedse HAND ME A FUCKING 
. BAG WITH ANAL BEADS 
Otrerisesnetibetie.aminctesod AND A BUTT PLUG. AND 
fucking bag E wrapped jut IM LIKE, WHAT WAS 

GOING THROUGH YOUR 
FUCKING MIND?!” 


ablack reakin’ bag you'd get atthe 
porn store. He said, Um. thought 

we could try somethings. In the bag 
were anal beads and a butt plug. And 
Tmlike, What was going through your 
fucking mind?r " 


BADSANTA 
"Guys don't fucking listen to girls. 
Ever. dated a guy forfour years,and 
every year | got red roses anda box of 
chocolates, even though specifically 
said didn't like them. I brushed it off 
back then, but should have dumped 
him. That was the only thing he did 
wrong every year. Well hecheated on 
me, too But that gift was worse: 


‘THE TIMELINE 
“Youdon'tbuy a gir giftsuntilone 

or two months after you'reofficlally 
dating. And there's no perfect gift 

for every girlin general, it's safest to 
bring herto an event or do something 
active with her. Giveher a surprise, 
say Hey, want to go fora hike? Then 
finish witha picnic. It's the safe thing 
todo, Andif you're just friendly, don't 
buy lingerie. It wont get you laid." 


SNEAK APEEK 
"Lingerie isnotnecessarily more ofa 
giftfortheguy than the giri Giris io 
1.000. But you've gotto be sneaky to 
figure out what's going to fit. When 

shegoes to the bathroom, open 

her drawer and peek at the bra and 

underwear sizes. And make sure you 
getagiftreceipt incaseit doesn't fit" 


RINGOFFIRE 
“Any kind of jewelry is kinda serious. 
‘Some gifts are safe two or three 
months into a relationship: necklaces, 
bracelets, earrings. But you do not 
want to buy a girla ring. That will 
either scare her off or make her hear 
wedding bells. it's bestto not even 
gothere” 


STIRMUR 
"Donottake her out to dinner for 
Christmas! Youd better cook her 

that тег! Pay for her together nails 
done while you prepare. Cooking 
together will ruinthegift- you dont 
want her todo the work. Kick out your 
roommates fora coupleof hours, 

too. Tell them that when they return, 
they shouldleave you alone, like, 

‘Go straight to your room Don'tsit 
outside andlisten witha friggin’ 

glass. "Ora 


Afewofmy female friends 
recently tried speed dating. 
They hatedit. They saidit's 
basically a gaggle of desper- 
ate women chasing after one 
ortwo guys who normally 
wouldn't get any. Sounds 
awesome. Should test it 
‘out?—Bill T., North Carolina. 
Sure, speeddating is an hour or 
soin which human beings can be 
browsedlike secondhand blow-up 
dolls on eBay. But who cares? Meeting. 
new potential sex partners in rapid 
successionis a good-albeit tacky— 
Way to sharpen your game whil 
beefing up your social calendar. So. 
throw down the $40—you were just 
gonna blowit on weed anyway. 
Speeddating isa sport, but just 
Ikebocce, you don't have to take it 
seriously. Wear striped pajamas and a 
fez: these girls are so desperate theyll 
sti claw at you like Rush Limbaugh 
atthepharmacy counter. Use the fast 


food of social interactions 
to practice your routine, pulses eire itn d 
Eight minutes per girlis [ Y n LA 3 eR 
pierre Hal work related. How can! get my fill of 
Words of wisdom from a 21st-century rogue Кое devenir nlo-slips 
lue meat super: = 
comente Hala every i fol consider the commercial viability. Anthony S. New York 
ати Be oU OR investinaninfrredwebcamand ^ Iyou'donly boughtanantiglare 
ha posrhane — start apay-per-view Webste, ike scmenforyourmonitor youcouid 
trethe prize And t the end ot the HairyBackedRoommateSexcom. have prevented the wrist slaps But 
— dont leave her with . | R'salttielte now Ibo an obvious 
رمس امم‎ reposa joe toLoxahatchee, Florida Your other cheapparortricktocoverupyour 
interested, tell her you want areal options are less sexy: Buy аќодћот chronic time-wasting. Instead, practice. 
date. That's oneless Friday night at ‘and outdo them, decibelly speaking; those minimize shortcuts (control-M 
homealone, eating ramen and stoking stealthily open his bedroom doorand on PCsand applekey-Mon Macs). 
your bong. i hurlorganic fruitandsoft-boiledeggs Keep in mind your boss's perspec- 
atthe or pull up a chair outside the tive: Browsing famous areolae is 
N bedroom. wait tilthey finish then not work unless you're the lawyer 
[erty EES start clapping. But Гуе skipped over defending Joe Francis So stop check- 
MSS GIRUNO O OT Good the most obvious option:Gotoa bar, ing out NSFW content-nomatter 
[езү N OR C finda screamer with atrampstamp, the height of your cubicle wals. Al 
ing bedsprings at 34.» is disrupting and bring her home to show your ittakes tocatcha perp is a browser 
merke — — — 
Boisterous sox canbe problematic Dearscounaret, ray omic move arends ely 
н Idon'twastetimesurfing the Internet das nove browser history doesn't 
particularly when you're not having it. debe das 
itcanendangerthefragileMing vases ir Bi it 
shine your résumé, son, and finda 
haveonthenightstand, or worse, 
mannanna GO TO ABAR FIND Seen, 
Paddington. Try shoving a towel A SCREAMER WITH е | 
Scene neben eesti A TRAMP STAMP AND  femwork.yeucoudbethene È 
5 0 s BRING HER HOME unrestrictedfroeagent Ou H 
ifycurroomieis having aevo rourouesnonsro 
reu freaky bedroom get-downs TO SHOW YOUR procu E 


ROOMMATE HOW ITS 
REALLYDONE > 


1 A GHSHHHU A Бана 


ТАКЕ A CUE FROM 
BUSTA RHYMES 
AND PASS THE 
COURVOISIER. 


Five Ways 


o HI Your Flask 


There'ssomething about drinkinginthe 
‘great outdoors that turns whiny 

sissies into genuine badasses—at least 
fora while. When the temperature 
drops, there's nothing like alittle fire in 
your flask to help you man up. 


By Abigail Aronofsky 


Atlanta. 


Chicago 


Demer 


Detroit 


Houston 


Mexico City 


Myrtle Beach 


New Orleans 


Neto York 


Niagara Falls 


St. Louis 
Tampa 


Wellford 


The Penthouse Club — where you, your friends 


lax in comfort, talk 
gance 
ice with a wide selection 
е you are entertained 


ul women. 


Club 


the Magazine Comes to Life! 


or more information on our d sir: www. PenthouseClubs.com 


Jessica 


Twenty-four-year-old Jessica Kramer loves her attention-grabbing 34D-24-34 figure 
andthe sexual confidence she's gained with experience. This free: 
may live by her own rules, but she wants a tale charge man whenitreally counts. 


Photographs by Penthouse Studios 


Jessica 


“Ithink women need to justtell men j 


what they want. l'm never afraid to tell 
someone how want to be touched. Ifwe 
dort tei them, how will they know?” 


AIPERTRGUSECOH 


Jessica 


AK PENTHOUSECOH 


OE 


ooe: с 


Ш Li 

takes to get me inthe mood 

guy I'minterestedin. And if he takes 
charge ofthe situation, I'm putty in his 
hands. But if he isn’tsure ifit's okay to kiss 
me, it'salready over.” 


Jessica 


"I'masexual person, so thinkit's 
important to have great sex. Once, | 
got busy in a helicopter while it 

was flying! But Idon’t masturbate. 
Sexiswhat guysare for.” 


AEPENTHOUSECOH 


Jessica 


“1 know pretty quickly if want to 
make love to someone. figure, if wait 
tosleep with someone new andit 
sucks, I'm annoyed that Iwasted all that 
time. Sol don’t wait.” 


JANUARY 


FEBRUARY 


7, 


npbell 
MAY 


Jaime Hammer 


NOV 


Now's your chance to vote for 
the Penthouse 2008 “Pet of 
the Year'. Vote now to get your 
favorite Pet's wallpaper for your 
mobile phone. 


HOW TO VOTE 


FROM YOUR MOBILE PHONE 


Create a new text колле 


теззаре 
Enter the keyword of 
your favorite Pet 


Send the text message 
to 82000 

Reply YES to get your 
Pets wallpaper | 


7 Text your vote to 82000 now 
/ andgetyour Pet's wallpaper! 


Vote by January 15, 2008 


QA 


Ithinkhejustsaid something like, stay 
true to yourself because you can't 
please everybody, and speak clearly. 


Thinkabout what you're gonna say 
before you say it Something like that. 
What advice wouldyou give to 
Steder 

[Laughs] Just go home. don't 


know=sit down. He's gotta sit down. 
somewhere, man. He's trippin’. He 


П 
needs to sit his ass down. 
Alot of players say they don'tpay 
attention to the media, Where do you 
® gotyoursports news? 


He had a rocky start in the NFL, but the Cleveland rs waten tne NE noti l. 


Browns tight end—whose father and namesake was а Hall of туешу, zu 
Fame tight endis making up for lost time this season. eo mena pose ESPN iabot 


By Dave Hollander 70percentnegative. Athletes 


Rergolng sixth overall | Whatsthecraziostthing S 

inthe2004NFL draft,  you'veever seen heard or felt 

Winslow suffered season- — Stadiums Last year Mia tnebackar Joey 
endinginuresinboth200dand "Dawg Pound"? Porter called youa "ag" twice during 


os But he got back on track in 
2006, making 89 catches for a 
team that went 4-12. And having 
averaged a career-high 18.4 yards 
per catch through the first quarter 
ofthis season, he feels like he's just 
getting started. Winslow leads a 
‘crop of young players, injecting 
some much-neededcolorintothe 
previously dreary Browns. 


‘The Cavaliers went to the NBA 
finals. The indians tied for the best 
recordin baseball. And the Browns 
‘aroback. 152007 the year 

‘of Cleveland? 

‘We're turning some heads. lm sure 
alot of people are shocked at what. 
we've done so far It's about time for 
the Cleveland Browns organization. 
Wehadto turn it around. We lived 
through so many losing seasons the 
past few years. Ithinkit’s our time. 


Cleveland fans love to hate their 
teams. Can this town handle year- 
roundsports success? 

Ithinkso. Ultimately, Cleveland is 
‘football town. Even when you're 
losing, it's sold out. They have your 
back and al they care about is. 
beating the Steelers and the Ravens. 
 Wecould go2-14 as long as webeat 
the Steelers and the Ravens. It's a 
goodfootbalitown and they're 
goodfans. 


SIPENTROUSECOR 


Ive heard it's calmeddowna lot 
since I've been here, but it gets 
weird. 've heard of people smoking 
weed, drinking—even people having 
sexintheDawg Pound backin the 
day. A bunch of stuff went on. 


When you were at the University of 
Miami, O. J. Simpson visited to offer. 
tips about dealing with the media. 
What was hisadvice to you? 


postgame interview. Everything 
cool between youtwo? 

Idon't know. really don't care. 

{just gotta go out and play my 
game, до ту job, make plays. Im 
not really worried about him. He said 
those things, but 'mnot going to 
stoopdownto his level It's not 
worth my time. 


ls thatthe worst thing you сап call 
somebodyin the NFL? 
1don'tknowifthat'sthe worst 
thing. Гуе heard worse, but it's a 
pretty badone. 


ls twrongto use that word, or 
wrong to think that calling a man 
gayisaninsult? 

Both reasons, really. It's justignorant. 


The Browns have never significantly 
changed their uniform design. But 
when your name is the Browns, what 
canyoureally do with that? 
Youknow what? We're inthe process. 
of changing that. Next year, you're 
gonna see some new uniforms for the 
Cleveland Browns. This is reallya big 
part of what Braylon Edwards and 
Ihave been talking about for along 
time. It may be something similar to 
what the Broncos have. It's time fora 
change. Sometimes peoplelivein the 
past in Cleveland, That's fine, but this 
team is trying to build an identity and 
startup something new. 


"Гуе heard of people 
smoking weed, 
drinking—even people 
shaving sexinthe 
Dawg Pound backin 

> ‚theday»Arbunch of,» ў 
x Stutfwent DNA 


Cecil Travis: The greatest shortstop 
you've never heard of 

he1941 season casts a 

monumental shadow over 

baseball history. That was 
the year Joe DiMaggio reeled off his 
recordS6-game hitting streak and 
Ted Williams hit 4-freakin'-06. But 
guess who led the American League 
inhitsthatyear? It wasnt either of 
those icons, but rather an overlooked 
shortstop with the Washington 
Senators, Cecil Travis. He belted 218 
hitsin'4land batted 359 for the. 
season. He also drove in 101 runs and 
racked up a 520 slugging percentage, 
establishing himself asthe 
preeminent shortstop in the game. He 
was 28 and at the peak of his powers, 
witha.327 career average. Then Pear! 
Harbor happened and Travis shipped 
out to World Warll losing four years 
of his prime, He earned a Bronze 
Star and got frostbiteat the Battle 
of the Bulge, and when he returned 
tothe Senators in 1945, he was not 
tho same player He retired two years 
later, saying he couldn'tregainhis. 
timingandthat he "wasn't helping 
thebaliclub, so just gaveit up.” His 
final numbers: 1544 hits, 657 RBIs, 
anda.314 ifetime average. Maybe not 
digits fitfor Cooperstown, but Travis's 
fellow ALL. shortstop Phil Rizzuto isin 
the Hall and he hit 273 lifetime, with 
nearly 100 fewer careerribbies than 
Travis.Imagineif Travis hadn't lost 
four years to the war. Orifhe'd played 
for the Yankees. 


"Both Ted ыта and 


NNUS, ун 


Penthouse Top5 
Ballsiest Performagces 
inSports History 


There's a fine line between 


courageous and crazy. 


played meit toa catering 
fine pamos for 121 yera n 
Dee оноон 
England Say what you mam 
about TOi style, butt 


да Statue of Liberty ply. 


laminuteto play (after what 
seemed he рите лено. 
Interception) Bone state 
‘puted otta hook апалага 
play tote the pam, then 
(hing the extra poine tot, 
repel conversion The play 
they chose win everything 
Uber Colones denigra, 


By John Bolster 


walking, choking ecurtereampie Ноћна 
nature to go wie Running the већа ton, 
weit RA otrmucous повад what realy 
тше a тпс roas the competing complex 
very mark. even as he lightens thet valet. 


WARPERCOLLINS 

Meri’ Boner, Tinker to Even to Chance 
CneagoCuts dynasty (nota misprint he 
JOO8besebal season overiowed wih incident, 
character drama, and lt pan werdnent and. 
Murony agus convincing tatit was the best 
temon eve Six ears were n contention wth 
two days eft Honus Wegner and Cty 
Mathewson had thelr best years, Ty Cobb and CY 
Yeung stare. As Murphy wres, players take 
me vaudevite stage лоокту! le sold trom 
кеме baskets and poetry appears the sports 
pages And inte pages ot ini vivia history. 


REAL ALL 
AMERICANS 


memea ALL-AMERICANS 
Denis ambitious book sheds new onto 


umre by инеу forging every aspect ot 

‘own The choofs governing principle mos 
endi save the man Jens echos 

and set the record straight 

legendary coach Pop Warner ana his wildly 
scceniltamol daplaced Native Americam. 
те сд rey deserve forthe revolutionary 
comriotions tothe game 


SALLY JENKINS 


Ths colection sparkes, trom Jet MacGregor's 
ora account ot Don King's Fri Cub. 
тома tolam rales тому dete fi tory, 
DAVID MARANISS N 
en tariousana absurd "Bugs Bury, Grat 
‘Banned Player Ever” ariorous occountotBugst 
peak asa yc defying babel payer. 
Suisse JERSEY? 

 PAULSHIRLEY 

es 

Fare ot Shirleys urvarnished musings 


E 
publicly guarantee n 
Vietory winnie tambo 
Mwetonandtentai-R — [semeteihtnaleg taped. 1 
. [buta went onto piy nthe CAN IKEEP MY JERSEY 
. ame's own over renin 
. | me NFC te этә эмим 
Fihmtodotandsced- aer. 
A 
. [omua cranes w puyi e 
iirdpeisdisemetunge- [super Bowtie ny on oe 
, Mica меда 
atenten av — 
wech сенатта ораза nen 
Vesp history. 


. 
ct Sheers workwilwanttograbi.100- 
Duo £p remm menors 
КО Sradieys Leon the Runon me top de, 
— астара теток 


Colin McRae, 1968-2007 


The 


licopter 
yoke tothe 
and his life 


aniconwhenrallys 
tember Just v 
J Rally Cham Guy lc ack on the 


accider 


O PENTHOUSECOM 


hey called Scottish rally-car legend Colin 
McRae "McCrash" because he was as likely to 
finish races upside down as right side up. He 
жаза dizzyingly aggressive and electrifying 
racer ina sport that rewards on-the-edge 
driving. Some say he was the best. and 
tobethe best rally driver isto be thebest 
competitive driver in the world, period. His raw 
aggression on the course made him one of the 
winningest drivers on the planet—his25 victories on the World. 
Rally Championship circuit rank fourth all-time. He racked up 42 
podium finishes and was the face of the sport around the world, 
starringin the mostpopularrally-driving videogame series, Colin 
‘McRae Rally, which sold more than eight milion copies. 

Theirony that he spent an entire career dominating the daring 
world of WRC—and walking away from numerous wrecks—only 
todie with his six-year-old son and two friends in a helicopter 
crash less than half a mile fromhis homein Lanark, Scotland, is 
unspeakable. It also makes a grotesque joke of his affectionate 
nickname. Yetthat's what happened on the afternoon of Sep- 
tember 15, 2007, when McRae lost control of his four-seat А5250 
Squirrelhellcopter on his way home from a nearby village. His son 
Johnny and two friends were aboard. Allfour were killed instantly. 
‘After news of the crash spread through Great Britain, 20,000 
people descended on Lanark to pay their respects, tripling the. 
size ofthe sleepy village. The funeral, held ust outside Glasgow, 
was Scotland's largest in decades. 

McRae, an experienced pilot, often flew the Squir 
roltorally-car events, where he was invariably met. 
by adoring crowds. He was the Michael Schumacher 
of rally car—or,f you prefer the Dale Earnhardt Sr. 
He'd won a World Rally Championship season title 
In1995-the first resident of the U.K. to do 
he'd been considereda hero there ever since. met him this past 
‘August atthe 2007 ESPN X Games in Los Angeles. He was tall 
quick witha smile, and courteous. As we walked the sweltering 
paddocks at the Home Depot Center, he enjoyed his relative. 
‘anonymity inNASCAR land. Anywhere eisein the world, he 
wouldhave been mobbedby autograph hounds. We retired to 
the air-conditioned trailer of Team Subaru, and he brought me 
two bottles of water and a heaping plate of pulled pork. "You. 
‘must like barbecue, yeah?" he said, n his thick Scottish accent. 
“АЙ Americans ike barbecue." Comparedto the long, wild WRC 
tracks he was used to, the enclosed circuitat the x Games felt to 


hima bit ikean exhibition, but he was game nonetheless, hungry 
toimprove on his silver-medal performance at the 2006 games. 

McRae was bred to go fast. His father Jimmy McRae, won five 
British Rally Championships (Colin won two). His younger brother 
Alister also races. "My dad didn't push me into racing,” McRae told 
me. But dontthinkl was everreally interested in anything else” 

He started racing go-karts asa wee ladin Lanark, and com- 
реге in his first national race in 1986, when he was just I7. McRae 
had still hands and a preternatural calm, and though his style 
may have lookedbreakneckto the unstudied eye, he had extraor- 
dinary commandover his vehicle. "Asa driver, Colin was slightly 
misunderstood as being reckless” says his friend Jonathan Hart, 
3 Scottish journalist. "But everything you saw with him came from 
pure,raw talent” 

“Tomorrow's my birthday.” McRae told me atthe Home Depot 
Center. He was turning 39. "Sol mgoing to focus on winning here, 
and then maybe start thinking about the next stage” He was 
considering buying a race team and moving into the ownership 
phaseofhis career, but he would continue to bean ambassador 
for the sportinthe US; his X Games appearances and videogame 
endorsements were a huge part of that. Ast happened, he spun 
ut on the final turn, and though he was disappointed, he looked 
immediately to the future. "It Just means! have to come back next 
year and do Rall over again.” 

Tragically, we won't get to see him tryO'-x 


McRae was a dizzyingly aggressive and 
electrifying racer in a sport that re- 
wards on-the-edge driving. He was the 
face of rally car around the world. 


Penes 25 victores nte 
wec placehimfourth atime 
creer wins He made the 
podium a2 mes in Nis 20 years 


foranal probing. The game's controller 
was shaped ike a big fist with one finger 
stuckupin the ai, and the goal wasto 
‘shove that finger up theass ofthe people 
who "make your Ие miserable" Sexual proclivities aside, 
 Boong-Ga Boong-Ga seemed to perfectly marry videogame 
technology and libidinous perversion. 

'Notlongago, it would've been easy to imagine retailer 
shelves bulging with Boong-Ga Boong-Ga spin-offs. By all 
rights, sex and games should bea match madein virtual heaven. 
‘You'd thinkthathooking up the twoleisure pursuits wouldbe 
an interactive medium just waiting to beexploited. Americais 
‘among the biggest consumers of porn worldwide—spending as 
‘muchas $13 billion annually on pornographic merchandise-and 
the industry continues toexplode online. So why don't we have 
‘more sexinour video games? Whereis the Halo of ferocious 
fornication? Will there ever be an EA After Dark? 

Twenty yearsago,it appeared that America might catch 
on and we'dall be swinging in virtual sex clubs, neck-deep in 
possible partners, joysticks in hand. Backthen videogames. 
were stila Wild West frontier of renegade programmers and 
self-made publishers, some of whom attempted to make 
sexually active videogames. In the early eighties, Softpom 
Adventure from Sierra Entertainment featured a cover shot of 
a Macintosh and three naked womenin a hot tub being served 
champagne. And forthe Atari 2600, there was the graphic and 


ee: 
'Emfeatureda masturbating male 


2n-mouthedin the street belo 
in gaming. Heather Chap! 
that day may soon be; 


Illustration by Greg: 


r's Revenge and Beat Ет & Eat 'Em (see sidebar), 
hose are still considered among the worst. 
‘made, butatleastthey wereastart-or so t 
меп comes to turning out racy new tit 


In many ways, American developers are stil struggling 
against atwo-decade-old crackdown on sex games. After the 
Entertainment Software Rating Board was established in the 
early nineties, Wal-Mart and Best Buy among others, refused 


Only rating by the ESRB. But in the past few years, a handful of 
dirty-minded software slingers are once again happily dipping а 
toe into the potentially vast pool of porno gaming. 

Initially, theadult-entertainment industry was excited about 
Interactive pornography. The math, however, quickly soured the. 
ideafor all but the most ambitious producers. The average cost. 
of apornfimisabout$10,000, with the most expensive topping. 
out ataround$250,000. A videogame, on the other hand, costs 
aminimum of $3 milfon to $5 million to produce. Add this to the. 
limited and tightly controlled distribution channels for both prod- 
uctsand you start to see the problem. 

Stil, someInteret entrepreneurs areundaunted. Though 


, 


Sex Games. 


mosthard-core playersareless than thrilled by them, the Flash. 
‘games foundon such Websites as SexyFuckGames.com, 
WetPussyGames.com, and Adult-Games-Zone.comat east 
attempt toarouse. Butthese efforts offer almost no game play, 
and when they do, you'llwish they didn't. In this realm, typical 
scene has you bending aschoolgirlover,then scrolling the mouse 
tothrustyour penis in and out of her backside as animated juice 
dribbles down herlegsand her face flushes red. An orgasm is 
represented by abar fling up from leftto right at the top of the 
screen. Virtual postcoital cigarettes are hardly needed. 

Theonline Flash games that try to do more can be 
‘maddeningly frustrating. In SimGiriDNA on FuckGames.com, 
youhave 100 days (a minute in game time) to buld up enough 
‘experience points to get the girl. You complete small tasks to 
inflate your bank account, charm, and physical strength until you 
can buyher enough presents that she'll agree to date you. So 
enlightened! Then you have to remember all the tle things she 
told you (her favorite band, where her father works, her phone 
number) to get farther than a dinner date. By the time the meal is 
‘over, youll beready tohit the hay-alone. in Don't Wake Her you 
attempt tohave sex with your sleeping girlfriend, but its almost 
Impossible to remove her covers without her eyes popping open 
and her asking just what you think you're doing. The answer, sadly, 
isnot much. And in Naughty Doctor itcan take an hour of mouse 
work to try to separate your squirming patient's legs and get 
more than an uninspired "ah" out of her. 

Other would-besex-game moguls have done better. Three 
years ago, Brad Abram was working for a run-of-the-mill 
technology company in Vancouver. 
Oneofthe tools he sold was a game 
'engine—the software that powers the 
action. Wanting to break out on his 
own, Abram started thinking about 
whatelsethat engine could do. Today, 
Abramis chief executive of Stream 
30 Multimedia, nc. the creators of 
Virtually Jonna, Sex Vila, and ЗО Gay 
Vila—three downloadable sex games 
based on that initial game engine 
(which was originally meant tobe a 
flight simulator) 

Virtually Jenna (yes, that Jenna) 
allows users to play with the porn 
queen anda bevy of “friends” as 
ifshewere amovablefuck doll. In 
story mode, Jennapisses off an 
'eighteenth-century duchess by 
crashing her party and has to placate the lady of the manor by 
dropping to her knees and fellating the nearest partygoer. Other 
scenarios: Jenna gets horny in the office; Jenna causes trouble on 
apirateship and must be punished. Those with time constraints 
can simply choosea location and get rightto work There are 
“anal bunnies" and dildos to insert. free floating fingers forher 
tosuck and whips and paddles. The game also has an extensive 
customization section where you can choose breastandnipple 
size, eyecolor, eyebrow shape, andhairstyle.Italsohasanew 
feature of which Abramis particularly proud: “pimpthe pussy.” 
which lets you customize the size, shape, and color of Jenna's 
vaginal ips. 

Thereason gamers don't go for this titleis that there's not 
much to doonce you customize Jenna and her friends and pick 
your position You clickona series of icons to choose missionary 
Position, sixty-nine, or doggie-style-then Jenna and her partner 
gootit There's no actual manipulating of the figures within the 
confines of the chosen positions. There's also no winning or 
losing per se, although you can collect dollars for bringing 
your characters toorgasm, which you then spend on gear 


Game Over 


O PENTHOUSECOM 


Ike French maid or S&M outfits for Jenna and her crew. 
Thetruthis, virtual boot knocking, justlikein thereal world, 
offers the kind of sex you want;it's ust amatterof finding 
the community engaging init. The most exciting sex action 
happeningin American games can 
be found in massively multiplayer 
online worlds. Mainstream MMOs, 
suchas World of Warcraft, or even 
single-player virtual-world-like 
games, such as The Sins 2 have 
entire communities built around 
participant-created pornographic 
game play. There are Websites 
dedicated to nude "skins"—player- 
made modifications of games. 
With these skins, you can turn your 
leather-jerkin-clad elf into a nude elf,oryour happily 
married Sim into a chronically masturbating secret 
SAM fan. Second Life has a flourishing sex industry, 
and you don't even need to find skins If you want to 
trot around flapping in the pixelated breeze. Since. 
‘everything is created by players, things like sex 
dubs and dildo-enhanced chairs proliferate, 
Themost successful MMO designed specifically 
for sexually explicit purposes is Red Light Center. 
This past September, with virtually zero press. 
coverage, Red Light Center surpassed Second 
Life interms of active users, with an astounding 


With virtual boot ee 
knocking—just like in the  plyerscansmoke 


virtual pot, drink 


real world—the kind Of Sex мца косто, ond 
you want is out there; it's enageinsexacts 


3 weten stil ові 
justa matter of finding the теак. should 

youchooseto you can 
community engaging in it. en 
morphintoa masked, whip-wielding dominatrix, beata naked 
character unti she collapses ina heap, then fuck her lights out 
(There's also a European version called Sin City that's builton the 
sameengine and operated cutof Germany) 

Thegame'creator Brian Shuster pointscutthatRLCIs not 
just about quickies. Rather he says t's about human interaction 
and connection Game etiquette just ike rea fe etiquette, 
considersit bad form to greet someone with Want to fuck?" 

"Tho new users come In and try that and other members say 


terc that a мето "We don't do that here," Shuster notes. “They tell them, If you 
rapped tothat ionn? ` just want to getlaid, goto the bordello or hire a professional [the 
7 game has working giris]. or go learn some manners and learn how 
Remember arana? some to connect with people’ It's possible to run around the streets 
peme.exceptihatmethe. naked, but you'd be a pariah. Don'tgetme wrong. We have sex 
als your ponis and the inthe game, and the sexis wonderful, and fora couple of dollars 


your avatar can have sex for an hour in an alley but the much 
larger picture is that people use this place to socialize, to connect. 

And when you connect, the normal outgrowth of that s, you want 
to express yourself sexually" 

Red Light Center is an open worldof dance clubs, underwater 
parks, bordellos, and fetish zones in which you build an avatarand 
roamaroundengaging with other avatars. And Shuster is right-if 
you're looking for an easy lay and you dorrtwantto employ a 
call girl, getting screwed can be as difficult and complicated 
as itis in the real world. (On the other hand, approacha call girl 
and mention your taste, and, faster than you can unbutton your 
trousers, she'll bestripped and performing acts for which words. 
don'tyet exist. And you won't get busted.) 

Red Light Center cost Shuster more than $10 million to 


a 


Sex Games. 


develop-money he made from an Internet porn site called Xpix 
inthe mid-1990s. The main reason it cost so much to make is 
that creating realistic-looking virtual sexis not easy. In modern 
videogames, human motion is created through very expensive 
advanced motion-capture systems. The technology has 
progressed to the point where а single body movement can be 
captured fairly accurately and fluidly. But when there's more than 
‘one body involved, things get tricky. 
In motion capture, real-life actors wear full bodysuits covered 
With reflectors that act as points of reference for computerized 
3-D modeling. When two people are banging around in these 
sults, they block each other's reflectors, sending the confused 
computer into atallspin, which leads to blanks in the animation 
‘and causes limbs to float freely ormove directly through other 
‘objects. Shuster, whohireda group of professional рот actors 
tocapture the sexual acts he wanted for Red Light Center, found 
himself bumping up against this problem again and again. 
"We've spent millions doing motion capture and creating 
new software to get thesexrightinthis game," he says. "The 
faces, the bodies, the genitals—obviously we spent alot of time 
‘on the genitals. To deliver highly realistic avatar sex requires an 
enormous investment and has no real known outcome. And the Ща 
‘game companies, you know, they're not that motivatedtosetup НО ВНА 


motion-captionrigstocapture porn stars fucking. That takes a 


of dedication. 
The dedication shows—RLC's avatars move witha fluidity 

that's remarkable by modern game standards. Shuster's priorities — 

‘are clear: While the slayingof athree-headed monster may — 


berendered with awesome realism in World of 
Warcraft, the swaying hips of a female avatarin 
Red Light Center—even the sub tle movements of 
her shoulders or the way she tosses her hair--are. 
sensually realistic, almost better than the real thing. 
Brad Abram of Virtually Jenna had simil 

challenges to overcome. "Come on; he says. 

Who's ever gonein there and modeled a pussy?" 
Despite this level of commitment- yes, Abram and 
his team looked at plenty ofrealanatomy to model 
Jenna's muff—for three years running, Virtually 
“Jenna has been denied access to the mother of all 
American videogame trade shows, the Electronics 
Entertainment Expo, known as E3. 


While the U.S producesonlya handful of sex-based 
games, roughly75 percent of al videogames sold 
in Japan arewhatthe rest of the world calls hentai 
games—or, alternately, dating sims: ero-games; 
rerai (romance) games; and bishojo (pretty giris) games. (Note: 
Since hentai isthe Japanese word for pervert, dont use the 
term while kink shopping in Japan: it's considered an insult.) 
Notsurprisingly fora nation famous forits love of fetishes, there 
эге more subgenres within the Japanese porn game industry 
than nallother countries combined. Whereas no major retailer 
in America would carry Grand Theft Auto after the het -coffee 
hooker-humping scandal, Japanese consumer-electronics 
retailers like LaOX devote entire floors to hentai (okay, its the. 
basement, but stil). Neighborhoods like Akihabara, the world's 
consumer-electronics mecca, are filled with posters advertising 
the games, andreally successful hentai action often gets cleaned 
up and turned into mainstream movies, TV shows, and comic 
books. About SO hentai titles are made every month; hit can sell 
millionsof copies. 

Thetypical hentai gameinvolves a male protagonist. rarely 
seen, whoacts as narrator. Sometimes just the tip of his penis 
is shown, and sometimes hehas no package at all (known as 

invisible penis syndrome”). Usually, he hasa harem of young 
girls whose love" he must win. The stories areintricate, filled with 


SY PEHTHGUSECOR 


In Japanese - 
hentai games, 


tears flow freely, 
as do other bodily 
fluids. Visually, 

it's all big eyes and 


long 


legs and 


lots and lots of 


scho 


Ol uniforms. 


For evsance ot Americas 
purtancal roota look no he 
sofware Rating Board. me 
. 
renten 
eee, 
deere 
patuesotthe pub rey 
hene imn ESR prendent 


‘Games wan senally 
[eric scones sin 2005s 
— French 

[developer Quarti ream. 


backstory, multiple characters, andissues of life and death-tears 
flowfreely,asdo other bodily fluids. Visually t'sallbig eyes and 
long legs, tittering giris, and lots andlots of school uniforms. 

 Hentalisnarrative-driven, with stories told through anime 
stills, Andthereisa story for almostanyone. There are "molester 
Simulations" that takeplaceon crowded subway cars (this is the 
country. after all where they run special women-only subway 
cars during rush hour because unwanted real-life fondling is 
sucha problem). There's also yaoi, which is boy-on-boy action, 
andis particularly popular among young women: “pinnacle. 
Which involves tentacied monsters doing terrible things to their 
Victims; asex-crime series called Battlerape; and an entire genre 
dedicated to stalking before committing a sex crime. Ying-yang 
is when gender gets mixed up—an experiment goes wrong in 
science class, the protagonist turns female, his girlfriend breaks 
up with him, but all the guys in school thinks he's really hot. Got 
that? Funtariis a sub-category of ying-yang and translates 
loosely intodick-gir. I's about young women who, for some 
reason. have enormous schlongs. 

"Virtually Jenna is lie walking into your bedroom and there's 
aguy lying on your bed naked with a hard-on; says Brenda 
Brathwaite, author of Sexin Video Games. "The hentai games are 
all about role-playing and delayed gratification. 


Delayed gratification—a meaningful phrase when it comes to sex 
‘and the gamers who want it. Even Hal Halpin, who helped broker 
the deal between the merchants’ association and the ratings 
board in 1996, is now advocating for retailers to reconsider that 
resolution, and thus acknowledge the maturing gaming crowd. 

Norway's Funcomis following that developmentclosely The 
15-year-old company that made the critically praised science- 
fiction adventure game The Longest Journey has Age of Conan 
due out in March: ben MMO based on the same barbarian's tale 
that brought Arnold Schwarzenegger to the masses. "Hyboria 
isabrutal world; Funcom's Jorgen Tharalsden boasted about 
Conan's universe at last summer's E3. “It's savage and it's sexy, 
Thisisa mature game” 

Conan has some serious screwing init, and Funcomis toying 
with the idea of using sex as a way to strengthen characters. But 
the threat of an Adults Only rating, and a torrent of angry letters 
from both Christian groups and gamers who say their wives won't 
letthem engage inhard-core action, leaves Tharalsden unsure 
howit will all play out. And Tharalsden is equally terrfiedof tho. 
German ratings board, Unterhaltungssoftware Selbstkontrolle, 
whichis known for being as strict about violent contentas the 

US. isabout sex. 


ina preemptive strike in the fight, 
Joystuck Funcomis developing atechnology to 


adjust the MMO, country by country, 
fnesessssaontnamtm | depending on the rating they get from 
[us nce1906,mentenete Ё the seven censorship boards around 

bee the world-a wild new idea inthe world 


pecuniae [| artoeriveyersand many millors 
Sa | ctaolosorconinviorcatez te 
— | cortsoveryhasrendered Tharasden 
— . — 
. . 
. whore sox isrrt sucha taboo" the 
une Norwegian says. “So really, don't get 
B еШ 


ageofan MMO player is27now-if 
theydon'tknow about sex at this point, well feel bad forthem. 
They're missing out "OE 


Heather Chaplin has written for the New York Times, GO, and 
Details, and does commentary on videogame culture for NPR. 
Sheis the coauthor of the videogame history Smartbomb. 


he sniper must beable to calmly and deliberately kil targets 
T ‘that may not pose an immediate threat to him.—U.S. Army 
Field Manual 23-10, Sniper Training Introduction 
Seven members of Special Forces Operational Detachment 
Alpha 374 moved across unfriendly terrain in Afghanistan, near 
the Pakistan border, on October13, 2006. Theirmission: to 
‘capture or kill Nawab Buntangyar,an Afghan linked to suicide and 
roadside bombings and one of the top targets on the coalition 
forces'"kil-or-capturelist. Once the snipers had positive 
identification of Buntangyar (requiredas partof the classified 
rules of engagement), theteam radioed for permission to shoot. 
Master Sergeant Troy Anderson, the team's senior sergeant, had 
Buntangyar inhis sights. The detachment commander, Captain. 
Dave Staffel, who was in a vehicle a few hundred yards away, 
radioed back tothe team and gave the order to take the shot 

‘Anderson held his breath and slowly squeezed the trigger. 
Nawab Buntangyar was killed instantly. 

"One shot, one kill” is the famous motto of American military 
snipers. Those words and the determination to back them up. 
have long terrified armies who faceus in battle. To continue to. 
attract the highest-quality soldiers, the military establishment. 
glamorizes snipers, knowing that no matter how high-tech the 
battlefield becomes, a goodsharpshooter is probably the best 
‘weapon to maximize damage with minimal cost. 

Instead of sending 300 soldiers to capture or kill a targeted 
individual like Buntangyar, a small team can do the same job more 
safely, cheaply, and effectively, using only one ortwo bullets. 
Without snipers, fighter jets and attack helicopters might have 
had todrop hugeamounts of explosive ordnance, whichis more. 
dangerous for our troops and for civilians. 

Snipers are cost-effective in battle, but expensive to train. To 
earn the sniper's BA designator, a GI has to attend the official 
US. Army Sniper School at Fort Benning, Georgia, or the Army 
National Guard Sniper Schoolat Camp Robinson, Arkansas. It's 
grueling five-week course—to graduate, students (many of 
whom are Special Forces or Rangers) have tohit 90 percent of 
their shot targets at 600 meters during the day and meet night- 
range qualifications. 

‘What award or commendation do you think Anderson and 
Staffel received for flawlessly and safely removing a terror master 
from the battlefields of Afghanistan? How did our government 
thank them for risking theirlives to get close enough to kil Bun- 
tangyar without droppinga bombandkiling other people? 

Both soldiers were charged with premeditated murder, Even 
after aninvestigation by the Army's Criminal Investigation Divi- 
sion exoneratedthe men, Lieutenant General Francis Kearney, the 

US. Special Operations Command deputy commander insisted 
оп filing the murder charges. What was Kearney's motivation? 

Bill O'Reilly, one of the few media figures who covered the 
case, wrote that the Afghan government "usually plays toits 


Crossnars# 


Snipers are vital to battlefield victory. Why did two of them 
become targets of our own military establishment? 
Ву Matthew Currier Burden 


The fact that our men 
were not only following the 


rules of en: ngagement, but 
also obeying orders sent down 
from higher headquarters, 

did not prevent military 
leadership from pursuing them 
with all their legal might. 


fundamentalist Muslim base in any controversy, demanding 
investigationsinto the conduct of Western forces for show. It's all 
about public relations” Whatever the reason, our men were not 
only following the rules of engagement (which we wrote about in 
(October's “Warrior Wire" column), but also obeying orders they 
received from higherheadquarters. Yetthis still did not prevent 
military leadership from pursuing them with all heir legal might. 
Finally, in September 2007, the charges weredroppedonce 
and for al. Thesoldier who signed the charges against Staffel and 
‘Anderson on behalf of General Kearney said he would not have 
proceeded with the case if he had known that the snipers had 
already been investigated and exonerated. And, as the New York 


PHOTOGRAPH SPECIALIST MATHEW LEARUTASKFORCEFURY PAO 


Times reported, "Colonel Kevin A. Christie, the presiding officer 
[ofthehearing into whether there was enough evidence to bring 
the men to court-martial] seemed pressedto figure out why a 
military lawyer pursued murder charges. 

When Penthouse asked directly for General Kearney/s 
response, the Special Operations Command Public Affairs Office. 
 Gàveusthis statement on his behalf: "The Article 32 investigation 
‘accomplished my intent. An experienced Special Forces officer 
provided an independent and thorough review of the facts in this 
‘case. The Article 32 investigation resolved theconficting findings 
‘of the two previous investigations and the results demonstrate 
the effectiveness of the military justice system" 

However, there wasreally only one "previous investigation" 
carried out by the Criminal Investigation Command. And that 
investigation cleared Staffel and Anderson of any wrongdoing. 

Thegoodnewsisthat Anderson and Staffelhave their 
reputations restored; the bad news is that they were forced to 
‘spend alot of money inthe process. Theyalsospent most ofthe. 
year defending themselves, instead of taking the fight to the 
TalibanandAl Qaeda. 

Moreimportant, this injustice has almost certainlyimpacted 
the morale of our men and women who've put their lives on the 
line for America—and made our snipers rethink every shot. 

Aretired Special Forces colonel wrote tome, “Thisissofucked 
up! It doesn't make sense. Why put Nawab Buntangyar on the 

l-or-capturelist if you don't want him killed or captured?” 


РСЕТУ 
"Zara Cavalry Regiment, 
Wail st Forward Operating 
Bane, Salerno Afghanistan 


“This all boils down to the same problem,” writes a Special 

Forces sergeant, "that SF has faced since its inception: a [military 
leadership resentful ofthe] Independent natureof an SF team 
and completely ignorantof the capabilities of an A-team.” 

Anda Special Forces master sergeant writes, "Snipers aren't 
‘embarrassing the US. Army. The general officer corps is. They are 
the ones running for cover: 

Have our snipers become targets of our own timid leadership? 
When senior officers far from the battle decide to Monday- 
morning quarterback, it creates a serious impediment to winning 
the fight As Mark Waple, Staffels's defense lawyer, said, "We 
cannot expect [special operations) to take two days to deliberate. 
about using lethal force when dealing with positively identified, 
dangerous enemy combatants.” 

Thereis onemessage I've received loud and clear from many 
soldiers in the field: We will never achieve victory in this damned 
‘war until our military leaders do what the American people are 
payingthemfor—to fight and destroy the enemy, once and for al, 
political correctness and career aspirations be damned. 

Tolearnhow you can support our military snipers, visit 
American Snipers (a non-profit SOlcS organization) at 
AmericanSnipers org. +a 


Theauthor's book, The Blog of War. Front-Line Dispatches From 
‘Soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan, was published by Simon & 
‘Schuster. He blogsat Blackfive.net. 


» 


| “q 

а э, 
NA 
IN 5 M 


GamePlan 


d megan Wie lane 
Iam soing. estan 


"Алак because 


She just moans into the 
phone as she touches herself. 
This is actually much hotter 

than ordinary phone sex 
because it seems more like we're 
actually doing it instead 

of just discussing it. 


SE PENTHGUSECOH 


alte ex. but y looming to 
— orgasm 
psychology student who 
sad to pressure meto be her 
poyrena Wren oid hori 
[reduced har to Susanna and 
enloymayetanothebeneft 


he Experiment to Сума she 


my comes enen 

manakonad homer bythe 
Tow? tak hor 

ette crosoectota booty 
"Ma iy manto do the 

зо Озу Exper ant. 

tout looting tora трасите 
"Sa tor menet 25 darı. 


rens ard college ors 
[музга romthe Bie 
Monty Python “Because 
—Pi 
арар iment ct 


My hand is down my pants. 
[тей on by Cartman mom 
(order none she 


GamePlan 


Me sends metro Taoist 


FO PENTHOUSECOM 


— 


laco stt ie arera or 
as hat wes e got к vas 
Aros aye atc yma n 
тота отдало. 
[утуе ore right Io. 
[aston a mend had i me 
been коо эла orina 
I 
[aoribetore or even been wnn 
let imagined wos me 
loeteratathanagt nıne 
с 
рока 
ta are mybody semea 
ratty Py tras cate my 
Pront my body was sedi 
Мни tke igor montan 
¡en trenpered Азта cool 
iet лот reacted 
[oer туле and turned nta 
1 


eee. 
eee 
[езе why mera 


After we hang up 
and | collapse onto the 
floor of my poo 

| realize ОТЕУ 
balls haven't ached all day. 
| seem to have made it 
through the pain period. 


| wake un sight releved thot 
(Ga s longor ntne picture 
Imarmtretodatekimbeny 


ove ha Sin tonight 
Treated, Ivelmagined 

tuam poing tohappen lan 

[y Shes yening at mem. 


every callin my body hat was. 
Inebeonningotnew iow. 
— you so have 
omnee tis hana ben 


[кт spun. “wanted to seo 
ous bay anayouknow 
nena“ She stops sobbing. 
[Dont biome this on me Youre 
[лее оз impotent on tho 
phone” 

realize something: My bate 
fovent эсте all ду зет to 


—— 
печен she она me 
every opportunity So tell 
Per not rely caring whether 
[ne accepts or rejects ma, We 
culto one ог ese gr 
home wth ustoight= 


She points toa tal. allot 
"dabo toothy sme 
Two hours later, my tal 


“Iwanttowatchyoutuek 
— 
Hevingsomathing todo 
eios Lucyjonsusonthebed 
endremcws hors Ineo! 
hac put my dick between 
jun me, ard tar sling uo 
pounds don know these giis 
ia iow imber est 
eventurnedonencuhto fe! 


eee begin 
Trey bom atte 


Онза to wake Ly 
whois ignated and sere 


Tovia top чола ор 
(stop Sheis coming. lam. 


{otc treeaseItdonsnt 
erraten me жау 


вту pone tus 


and mesing my fathers 
. 


lamimageing ta ei 


‘Before 19010 ep cal 
[ovii LorAnoeies ле! 
мате Gut she vof aer 
once: one more any 
Wether tht ve tolled. A 
|o testo console mo, el 
[ot (wert ona diet then Puno. 
Dee is my piot ana, ths, 
[ту enemy Host of oxen aay le 
Wan mot Neking Fm 


‘have hd sex with 
my mina. Ana now hatte 
[соенеп over the paride 
— Thecolege 
inthe blue flowered skirt 
iege her eee 
[mesupomariat stie The 
party ori maling cuti har 
ity show, Te all woman. 
анион and заман, 
| kanan st tno crossan os 1 
¿veas The gris who howe 
Sere wd Carmen imom 
neminres le wi have them. 
each 
eee 


Nel Strauss ato ол 
ew York meses 
Motley Cra Howto Make Love 
ice abria omi 
Srousrstotcmingtook Auer 
ofthe Game tobe pubisheden 
December, 2007 y Harper 
Poperecs.animorintot 


^ 


Petofthe Month 


Taya Parker lives the quiet life when she's at home in Ohio, but the 
28-year-oldsiren tums up the volume when she’s onstage. This 
tiny dancer never tums downa martini andstrongly believes that 
every woman should have apair ofstilettos and a dirty little secret. 


Photographs by Penthouse Studios 


‘7A PENTHOUSECOM 


My dad wouldbe in my band. We've 
P 
ute dusedte sitontthe floor of his recording 


"Studio when! was three years old with. 
| headphonesandamicrophone in hand. 


Iknew I belonged there.” 
g +. \ 6 


32 
“1fl could have any job, bea famous 


4 


Petofthe Month 


“ma cozy homebody when 'mnotatwork. You canfind +. 
me cuddled up with my cat Chrissy and watching old movies on | 
a Friday night-complete with popcom and fuzzy socks!” © 


Je PEITROUSECOR 


PetoftheMonth 


Petofthe Month 


“My favorite sportis football. I love love love the 
Pittsburgh Steelers! Can a girl geta date with Big Ben or 
what? | have alittle thing for quarterbacks.” 


PO PENTHOUSECOH 


—] 
AE 
mi 
UJ 
ey 
2028 
5 


oa TAYA PARKER _ 
JANUARY 2008 PENTHOUSE PET OF THE MONTH 


Oa TAYA PARKER ч 
JANUARY 2008 PENTHOUSE PET OF THE MONTH 


m 

ke 

мы т 
s. 


Ora TAYA PARKER 
JANUARY 2008 PENTHOUSE PET OF THE MONTH 


~ dl 3 > 


Does your girl squirm (and not 
inagoodway)when youhit 
herGspot? Try this instead. 


‘obsessed with the G spot 
Youand your girl have gone 
through numerous positions, sex 


itisandhow to stimulate 
tired as we are of seeking C 
nirvana, try the PS spot on for si 
тм 
perineal sponge spot, is the sensi 
patchof tissue that separates her 
vagina fromher a 
‘ever tried it from behind—we don't 
mean doggle-style—and she came 
ina way that your usual thrusting 
and licking never mustered, the PS 
spot might be why, To findit, slowly 
insert your finger inside her, an inch 
at atime, pushing gently toward 
her ass on the rear vaginal wall. F 
fora firm one-inch area on the Бас 
wall, across from the Gspot (f you're 
all the way in, you've gone too far) 
If you're not having much luck. try 
inserting one finger into her pussy 
and another into her a 
inward until you find ti 
isthicker than the бз 
below. Once you've foundit, push on 
itrhythmically until your giri either 
PS. You're w 


O PENTHOUSECOR 


Reporting by Raegan Johnsonand Rebecca Swanner- 
JANUARY 2008 


Whichis more powerful? 


Dont Fight Fee: 


honor, and respectthe vagina—the 


the Power =. 


of vagina power. 


Atlanta-based sex guru Alexyss Tylor 

hasafewthingsto teach you about your ном do womentallunder the sway of 
sexual spirituality. penis power? 
Weveall had good dick. And alot 

of these women think, Oh, this is the 
best Ive had. can't do without this. 
Andwheream goingto findit if 
he doesn't give itto me anymore? 
She's selling herself out because 
she's saying thathis divinity sin 
hisdickandthatshe only gets 
energy and feels more powerful 
when she gets somedick. She 
doesn't realize that shes the 
Explain your philosophy behind source of the dick power. 
vagina power and penis pow. 
My concept as a wholeis spiritual 
sexuality. Vagina power and penis. 
power are subcategories of that. 
'mtalking about the metaphysical 
aspects of the penis andthe vagina 


Alexyss Tylorachieved Internet 
notoriety when a few no-holds-barred 
clips from her public-access shows, 
Vagina Power and Penis Power made 
itonto YouTube. Her convoluted 
ideas on sexuality and spirituality 
embrace certain aspects of Eastern 
philosophies and metaphysics, but 
it'sher raw presentation that garners 
all the attention. 


What isa typical question from a 

caller? 

Awoman's man has his penis in her 
gina anda [dildo] in is ass, and 

she wants toknow fits possible 


he's bisexual. told her it soundslike 
he could be, and sheshould ask him 
directly and get tested immediately, 


Tmtalking about the chakras, the oryx 
fields, and the cosmic agreements 


I Апа he won't answer spy on him. 


These things have been separated 
from penises and vaginas, and т Have younoticed any other sexual 
trying to get people to see how they trends? 

are integrated. Swinging is really hot! It's exploding, 


And what realy shocked maws tne 

"The vagina is the pivotal i man tucking wite women,” 

point of all creation of оонун. 
men and women. Рога ortheyre marriedto black wom- 
man to bein penis power, Saar specale 


he has to first bask in the pumping white pussy with abig 
glow of vagina power” Sen never knew tiwas 


going on! 


Not Justa Wet Dream 


According to University of New nocturnal style. One sexsomaniac's 
Hampshire Professor Michael girlfriend describes him as а gentler 
Mangan, en O. five percent of adults — lover—moreinterested in pleasingher 
же sexsomniacs- meaning they when he's asleep than when awake. 
engage insexual behaviorintheir  ifyou're one of these few, we hope 
sleep. Forget sleepwalking, these you're better inthe sack when you're 


nightrangers get into all kinds of not dreaming, 
frisky fun including masturbation and 

even intercourse, and wakeup with no 
recollection of the activity. And how 

they дег on during waking hours 

mightbewidly different from their 


Conlessonsof 
Sexy Sade 


Hehada gift As sexy Sadie he could get offjust about any man in 169 
charactersorless usingjust his keyboardand his filthy imagination. How was he to know that 
wallowingin textual|perversion wouldaffecthis real lfe? By David Whitehouse 


Mustration by Matthew Woodson 


һе man who stares over my shoulder on the train, 

the guy who sells mecotfeesostrong it makes my 

‘eyeballs fizz like sugar cubes, the polite chapin the 

cheap suit onthelocalnews.|see them every day 

and wonder, Did lever get you off? 

Bytheage of21,'dhadtextsex with more 

than 20,000 men, bringing them to orgasm in169. 
characters or less—including punctuation. There arent many 
heterosexual men who can say that, but then there aren't many 
heterosexual men who ve hada job pretending to be sexy Sadie, 
animble-fingered 19-year-old nurse with a penchantfor kink It's 
amazing what can be discovered about the male psyche through 
ashort text exchange that begins with the words "Willyou suck 
my coco” 

Let me explain. Men of a certain inclination wouldrespond 
toa small magazine advertisement that featured a beautiful 
blonde teasinga stiffened thumb into the elastic of her knickers 
and saying, “i want horny textchat—contact me now" That was 
‘Sadie's face and those were Sadie's Olympic-sizebreasts But 
Tas Sadie’s dirty mind. While these men were imagining her 
writhing on red velvet bedsheets liberally scattered with enough 
‘sex toysto opena dildo museum, they were, in fact, writing to 
mea skinny white boy with anil-advised haircut. sitting in front 
‘ofacomputerina tiny office in Kings Cross, London:the heart of 
England's sex industry. 


Thejob was mine by accident. majored in journalism, so 
my three mostemployable attributes were an ability to type 
extremely fast, a completelackof money, and a willingness to do 
just about anything to earn some, whichis exactly what | told the. 
man at the job center. He gave me a card with an address anda 
time, so | borrowed a suit froma friend and made my way there. 

“ез quite a dificult job to explain,” said my prospective 
‘employer, an extraordinarily ordinary-looking chap whose garb 
did nothingto betray his status as pornographer. He shook my 
hand and sat me down at a table, upon which was a piece of paper 
turned facedown. 

"Are you easily offended?” heasked, and |repliedin the 
negative. "Then what.” he continued, "would youtthinkif showed. 
youthis?" He turnedover the paper to reveala blow-up of Sadie's 
ad. "Id wonder why you were showing me soft pornina job. 
interview” 1 replied, still not totally convinced this wasn't some 
bizarre sex trap. Buthe slowly explained it all. Essentially, the job 
involved getting paid to pretend to bea woman and talk sex with 


with my head. became unshockable.l'd find myself unable to 
comprehend taboosin real Ме. During dinner conversation with 
my girfriend,l'd absentmindedly discuss the day's work, аз 
woulda policeman or a builder But their job descriptions never 
included helping aman get erect by describing how they'd 

wrap himin plastic and kick him down the stairs. Once, | brought 
homeprinted transcripts of Sadie's conversation to show my 
girlfriend how accurately elt 'd captured the essence of a 
‘woman's thoughts on sex. Basically, I was telling her that there 
was по mystery to her anymore, that 'd unlocked her. My work 
was making me think that our nice, normal sex Ме seemed boring 
and staid. She didn’t match up to Sadie, the perfectlay,and | was 
pushing her away for it. 

Thejob was starting to change me. My own experiences 
‘couldn't match up to theones | was getting paid to imagine every 
бау моз Sadiein my mind, an all-seeing siren who knew all there 
was to know about both men and women. Soon enough, the 
boundaries separating our sex lives crumbled and my girlfriend 
left те She wanteda "normal boyfriend.” She айа! was spending 
too much time ina fantasy land, and she was right. This small 
army of people who adored Sadie had swelled my ego. | began to 
believe and act like it was me they worshiped, not her. Г walk into 
barsasif were asexual Goliath, when in truth, | was anything but. 
The more attractive Sadie got, the uglier | became. It was time to 
make a change. 

‘That day cameon 9/11. Within ten minutes of a plane plowing 


intothe first tower | was having 
1 SER PRA textsex with more than 000 
with blue language, a woman 


gullible men. had friends who stacked cans of beans i factories. 
Weshook hands once more and the job was mine. 

Now letitbe said, whenit cameto getting men off, was good. 
This isnt vanity, oh no--the statistics showed that when it came. 
totalking filth, I wasa human sewer, pumping muck straight 
intoa sea of male sexual fantasy Besides, ama man, and I knew 
what Fd want tohearif Sadie texted me. Г want her to be flirty 
and forthright, tocut tothe chase. I made Sadie into an angel 
with blue language, a woman who wanted to do nothing but 
fuck, Sadie couldn'tbea tease. She was cheeky. She was brave. 
Naughtiness dripped from her every word. could juggle-text 
message conversations with up. 

1025 guys ata time, skipping. 

gracefully through a minefield of 
perversity-from Sadie' fantasy 
‘of being a bullish arresting officer 


men who suddenly inundatedour 
system. The very second а send 
алек, another would arrive, and. 


— EO eimi ее 
—— ! 
of debauched orgies in her but fuck. Sadie couldn't be what became our busiest day 

suburban love nest. a tease. She was cheeky. She ‘ever. When men thought the end 


You may be thinking that my 
work was cruel, sad, or just plain 
mean, апа inthe beginning! had 


was brave. Naughtiness 
cera mig | dripped from her every word. 
Iwouldiose sleep thinking about 


the men who had fallen in love with a figment of my imagination. 
Inone month alone, Sadie received seven marriage proposals. 
Опе man spent more than $1,000 texting mein a single day. 

I had the privileged viewpoint ofa woman. Isaw what men 
‘became when theythoughtno other men were around to. 
judge them, when they had Sadie to themselves. ¡became their 
confidante. They revealed their inner most hang-ups and secrets. 
Sure, mostof them were just trying to fuck her, but that didn't 
‘matter. What man hasn'tbeen guilty of achameleor-like change 
when trying to bed a beautiful woman? | know I have. And with 
‘every confession and sneaky little lie they told me, saw a bitof 
myself. When! asked them to describe their sexual fantasies, they 
wouldskirt around the issue for fear of earning Sadie's disgust. 
‘And that's what would have done, too. was the sameas them. 
Whittle us down to afew raw ingredients-aman and a woman, a 
Guy with his cellphone and Sadie we are all exactly the same. 

But with this realization came trouble—asex-god complex of 
sorts. While most would be content for Sadie to simply tell them 
what she'swearingandthinking about, others had a myriad of 
deviances to discuss. We mightbethesame when itcomesto. 
the dogged pursuitof women, but when it comes to what raises 
‘our mast, weare all vastly different. There was the man who 
wanted me todetail how | would roll up my sleeves. Another 
discussed what methods Га use toironhis penis. One chap would 
reach orgasm fromjust one message detailing how Га trash his. 
brother's bedroom. 

Butspendingall day wallowingin perversion began to mess 


ofthe world was nigh, they were 
dropping everything for one last 
chat with Sadie. Onelastflirt. One. 
lastdeclaration of love. One last 
‘orgasm And!'mgetting them all 
off while watching, for ай! know, what mightbethe end of the 
World. reakzedthat this was a day, likenoother before, when 
Itjust seemed sorightto be with someone you love. But when 
‘chaos reigned and fear creptin, had no one but Sadie atthe 
‘expense of my own brilliant relationship. And she didn’teven exist. 
Twelve hours later, walked home through panicked, 
deserted London, never toreturntothat office. The end of Sadie 
was here, her mourning took place in the heads and hearts of 
20,000 strangers. But not mine. | sent a lonely text message tomy 
'ex-girifriend.l'd forgotten what it felt like to not get a reply Ota 


Now there is an All-Natural non-pr: 


ription pill to give you a. 


— 


Bigger, Thicker, Longer Penis! СЗ 


Guaranteed Results 
Ge ее ээ hung he эше л, өөө. 

longest penis vaste ay more 
men Era aor or produca tac hae ar Been 
—— tod ale XOMAK 
Rowi Women wil crave your new penis Ше never 
dore You dort have to чай month, weeks or even 
days to get the results you want You Sart to see 
noticeable gains with your very first dose. 
E vom is Superior to All Malo. 

Enlargoment Pilis! See For Yourself | 


59 | 
po 
Iz Komax 
irt = ) 
Concentrated Formula 


This new highly concentrated formula makes = the 
difference in the world. Never before has there 
been an all-natural formula that works as fast and 


'effccively as XOMAX. To increase the size of your 
penis, you need a solution that works, You won't 
find а more potent formula for growth and devel- 
‘opment of your penis - proven! 


Xomax is Better 
XOMAX was putto ha By comparo, 
(Gag band nai etre piso OMAN, 
there were стана XOMA erde 
Mark 10 tres rur. wh i brain 3 as 
Rn чөт da соры Det vaga Jour an 


En 


mate Sexual Pleasures - 
Mate Magnet Cologne Е 


Sexactivator 


nn ered et se . 
. 
F 
D 
— 
er arok vam nc Tay 

sy but tr em on еч 


and money on products that dont delver. Get a penis 


“+ 100% Natural penis enlargement! 
+ Add inches to your penis in days! 


Become a SUPERSTUD! 
/* Get the big penis of your dreams 
$ You can have a SUPER penis 


Another Satisfied Customer 


name is Mike. 1 want 1o tell you bow 
tal yar "NOMA Te tried. 


Call Any Time 
1-888-237-0556 


Fax: 239-643-2356 
O - man. com 


FAQ About Xomax 


Q. How soon do you see results 1 
A. Most men see results with their first dose and. 
increasing resuks over 60 - 90 days. 

Are the results permanent? 
А. For most men, Xomax is taken continuous- 
ly for three to four months followed by а main- 
tenance program the results are permanent. 
Q. How much growth can | realistically expect? 
А. Up to 5 inches or more with a increase in 
width of 50% 
Q. Is Xomax natural? 
А. Xomax is 100% natural, safe and Doctor rec- 
ommend for those looking for advanced penis 
enhancement, plus Xomax has no side efect 

What makes Xomax the #1 natural penis 
‘enhancement formula? 
А. Xomax has a highly effective proprietary 
blend of concentrated nutrients. These natural 
compounds are amazingly stimulating to the 
male penis. You won't find a stronger blend of 
nutrients in any other male enhancement prod- 
оа. The reason! Xomax contains extremely 
‘expensive imported ingredients and many manu- 
facturers wont spend that kind of money 
instead, they pass off less expensive ingredients, 
such a Ginseng or low end forms of L-Arginine. 


Q. ls Xomax guaranteed to work? 

А. Хотак в 100% GUARANTEED! If you're not. 
completely satisfied, return the botle(s) within 
wo months to receive a refund. Men now have 
эл eflecive way to increase the size of thelr 
penis Why pay for imitations that wil not solve. 
he problem? You may spend a lade more on 
Xomax, but the results will be worth it! You 
often get what you pay for. So remember that 
Фе genuine ingredients in Xomax are GUAR- 
ANTEED to work! Order today the best 
money can buy! 


— CALL TOLL FREE 1-888-237-0556— 
Oreck payment method: 


Boe O Moneyorder О Сан 


S9 9. 


ard Number 


pron Die 


Name 


Jenna&Jana 


104 PENTHOUSECOM 


Viagra for Her? 


We've seen the future of libido enhancers. Now it's time for the ladies. Big 
pharma is creating a crop of sex boosters forher. By Jonathan Sabin 


aleexistenceisiittlemore 
thanaconstantstate of 
sexual readiness. Beingin 
themoodisin our genes. Ifthe Apoc- 
alypse were imminent and God was 
rendering judgment upon our souls, 
we would stil bein the mood. After 
all the perpetuationof the species 
depends ont. 

Unfortunately the same can'tbe 
‘saldforwomen.ifmale arousalisa 
light switch permanently flipped to 
theon position female arousalisa 
delicate electrical network fraught 
with cicuitbreakers, power grids, 
‘andslapsinthe face. Ifone thing 
goes wrong, the whole sexual system 
short-circuits."I™m tired. I'm too drunk. 
You'retoo drunk. i only have sex after 
theseconddate. don't evenknow 
you" Wo'veheard itall Ifonly there 
were something more effective than 
‘oysters, alcohol, and an offshore bank 
‘account to increase the female libido. 

Thankfully, the $600 billion phar- 
 maceuticalindustryis on the case. 
‘Ten years after Viagra, companies are. 
racing to develop a female equivalent. 
‘According to a seminal 1999 Journal 
ofthe American Medical Association 
study, 43 percent of women suffer. 
from sometorm of sexual dysfunction. 
(compared to 31 percent of men). 
Shockingly, among women ages 18 
to 29, some 32 percent lacked inter- 
‘est in sex,27 percent saidit was not 
pleasurable, and 26 percent wore 
unable to achieveorgasm."It'sa big 
problem.” says David Ferguson, a in- 
icalpharmacologistwho conducts. 
drugstudiesfor pharmaceutical com- 
panies, "These women are unhappy 
and seeking solutions." 

Sadly the only current solutionfor 
frustrated females is Sex and the City, a 
ро! rocky road, and a fully charged 
Silver Bullet. Couple this with imp 
‘erectile-dysfunction-drug sales over 
thepast several years, and Big Pharma 
issalivating overtheuntapped female 
dema "It's a bigger marketthan the 
men's; says Stephen Simes, CEO of 
BloSante Pharmaceuticals inllinois, 
who predicts that sales offemale 
aphrodisiacs could surpass the 
$2 bilion-a-year penis-pil market. 


Initially the drug giants thought 


they could simply slap a hot-pink 
labelon Viagra and hawkitto ladies. 
Viagraanditsiikareknownas PDES 
inhibitors-drugs thatincrease blood 
flow to your phallus by preventing the 
‘breakdown of nitric oxide, an essential 
ingredient to arocichard erection. 
Dick docsfiguredthat ifincreased 
genital bioodfiowamplifiedarousalin 
men, why shouldn'tthesame hold true 
forwomen? 

"Wenaively thoughtthat we could 
gotofemales andaddressarousal with 
thesame products,” says Ferguson. 
whoalso edits the Women's Sexual 
Health Journal. "But they showed 
absolutely no success. Blood flowis 
notthe problem.” 

‘Since piping wasn'tthe problem, 
‘sex scientists shifted their focus to 
hormones Theydiscoveredthattestos- 
terone, typically associated with male. 
sexual function also plays significant 
roleinfernaledesire, arousal, and 
‘orgasm. Procter & Gamble developed 
atransdermol testosterone patch 
called intrinsafor older women whose 
testosterone levels had plummeted 
after their ovaries were removed. In 
Clinical trials, they increased their num- 
‘ber of “sexually satisfying events” from 
‘one totwoover aone-month period, 
That wasn't enoughfor a2004FDA 
‘advisory committee, which demanded 
to see more safety data before giving 
P&G the green light to continue devel- 
opment. Which mightbea good thing, 
considering ts side effects include. 
‘acne, ciitoral enlargement, abnormal 
hair growth, and voice changes. 

 Asiewof smaller boutique compa- 
niesarealso vyngtodiscoverthenext. 


sexual blockbuster drug. BioSante sin. 
phaselll tials of Libigel,a testosterone 
cream (applied daily tothe upper arm) 
thatreportedly increases the number 
of sexually satisfying events by 238 
percentnow were taking. Like 
Intrinsa the primary market for Libigel 
is surgically menopausal women, 
butthe company envisions potential 
consumers among younger women 
taking birth-control pills. 

{the thought of your girl sharing 
yourlibidoandyour Gillette Mach3 
doesnt get you in the mood, there are. 
several other pleasure potions that 
steer clear of testosterone Flibanserin, 
from German drugmaker Boehringer 
Ingelheim, wasoriginally designedas 
anantidepressant and has been found 
to increase desire in women but, Inte- 
restingly, ot men It1l be up for FDA 
reviewaround2009. Then there's Pal- 
atin Technologie's Bremelanotide, a 
nasal spray that works directly onthe 
central nervous system (they realso. 
workingon amale version). Whether 
these lust boosters wil gain approval 
fromtheincreasingly conservative. 
FDAis anyone's guess. In theinterim, 
there are two over-the-counter prod- 
ucts that have been clinically proven 
to increase female ibido. The oral 
nutritional supplement ArginMax ($75 
forathree-month supply) contains the 
aminoacid L-arginine, while Zestra is 
a feminine arousal liquid" composed 
‘of botanical oils and applied directly 
toa woman's genitals. Consider Te 
with a kick. 

While allthis progress towarda 
female Viagra shouldbe cause for 
celebration, not everyone shopping 
onthe love train, "lam unalterably 
pessimistic about these drugs’ ability 
to Improve women's sexual lives” says. 
Leanore Tiefer, a psychiatry professor 
at the New York University School of 
Medicine who believes that natural 
variance in female arousal is being 
reduced toa conditionthat must 
be cured. "1 am sure thereis a small 
number that will benefit, buta large 
number willbe harmed because the 
drugs wil be oversold while other 
formsofhelp, like education, wil be 
underfunded” 

EventhoughBig Pharma may 
sometimes create demand where 
none previously existed, that doesn't 
mean we should dismiss the 43per- 
cent of women who want to spark up 
their sexlives. Afterall if men can have 
apil, why can't women?itmightnot 
bea sexual panacea butit's better 
thana vibrator. 


Well depends on the vibrator Oia 


Shockingly among 
women ages 18 to 29, 
some 32 percent lacked 
interest in sex, 27 percent 
saidit was not pleasurable, 
and 26 percent were 
unable to achieve orgasm. 


was ashine tothe linoleum floor 
that assured me ofa clean, sterile 
environment. My pulse quickened 
when spied a woman putting the 
finishing touches to adragonona 
biker's chest. Knowing that | would 
soon bein the hot seat was enough to 
make my heart race. 

Aminuteor solater, someone 
approached me and introduced. 
himself as Jared. We sat down and 
discussed my design, then he gave 
те aphotoalbumofhis work to 
look through while he preparedthe 
transfer His pieces were beautiful 


Jattooed 
Jemotation 


Hottales from Letters to Penthouse XXIX— 
Take a Walk on the Wild Side, published by Warner Books. 


‘opened the door of the studio. 

‘and the buzzing immediately hit 

ту ears. Remembering thelast 
time got tattooed, my body began 
tinglingandgoose bumps broke out 
allover my skin. had been waiting for 
this day for weeks; afterdeciding on a 
design and setting the appointment, 
theanticipationof gettinga new. 
tattoo wasalmostunbearabie. It is 
‘commonly thought to bea painful 
process, but I disagree. To те, the 
‘experience is pleasurable, almost 
erotic. love it! 

They say that getting tattooed 
isaddictivo, апа! am living proof 
ofthat. After getting inked for the 
firsttime afew yearsaga Ifindthat 
periodically get that itch," апа 
before | knowit,'m getting another 
tattoo. Some people joke that 
must have a masochistic streak for 
‘wanting to gounder the gun so often. 
But llovethe scratching heat of the 
needles as they pierce through layers 
of tissue to permanently deposit 
theink into my flesh, creating a map 
of my life's experiences. Often the 
sensation is so great that feel as 
iflcould come, right there on the 
tattooist'stable. 

For me, gettingtattooed isa 
sexual experience. The sensations. 
‘and the intimacy of the situation. 
make it difficult not to get aroused. 
Thebondof trust between good 
artist and myselfis often closer than 
that witha lover.Inallowinghimto 
mark me permanently, | carry forever 
‘an emblem of the time we have 
spent together. 

My most erotic tattooing 
‘experience was the timel wentto 
Jared's studio for some freshink. 

My usual artist, Nancy, hadmoved 
‘away, and Jared camehighly 
recommendedby friends. }don't 
letjust anybody tattoo me,andhe 
was knownforhisartistic talent 
and professionalism. |hadplanned 


Japanese fish design, on my shoulder 


blade, and wanted it done wel. 


When entered the studio, design 
in hand, knew I had made the right 


‘choice. The walls were painted 
white and covered with flash, the 


brillant cartoon drawings that show 
tattoos stillin the artist's head. There 


Each new 9 


of the needle sent 
sparks rushing straight 
to my pussy. As my 


pente: dampened, | 
ped that Jared hadn't 
noticed my arousal. 


dear lines, even on the most intricate 
of designs, and vibrant, almost. 
glowing colors. felt confident putting 
myself inhis hands. 

Jared came backover ready to 
go. Since the tattoo was going on 
my shoulder blade, heasked me to 
take off my shirt sohe could transfer. 
the stencil onto my back. Luckily, 
had come prepared for that and 
was wearing alow-cut strapless 
brasothat | wouldn't haveto strip 
‘completely. When took my top off, 
Jared commented on the pin-up gir! 
that had been covered by my sleeve, 
While he prepared his gun and the 
Ittlecups ofink, we discussedour 
various tattoos. 

After transferring thestencilto my 
skin, he handed mea couple of mirrors 
sol could make sure | was happy with 
the placement ofthe design. As soon 
as saw the Ко! on my back, a surge. 
ot joy ranthroughmeand! knew this 
tattoo was meant to be. 

made myself comfortable on. 
the table, glad that it was the end of 
the day and that Iwas the only cus- 
tomer left inthe shop. The plercer 
was getting her things together to 
head home, and the other artist was 
leaving as well. After putting on an old 
Replacements CD, Jared slipped on. 
somerubber gloves and got to work. 

When the humming needle made 
contact with my skin, I tensed as the. 
firstline wasetched into my flesh. 
Drawing a sharp breath through my 
teeth, quickly exhaled as the prickly 
heat on my shoulder blade senta 
warm sensation coursing throughout. 
my veinsand body. 

"That didn't hurt, now, did it?" 
Jared teased, dabbing awaya bit of 
blood withacrumpled paper towel. 

"No; I replied, "itsdifferentthan 
that It feels really great, almost like a 
complete sexual rush." 

“That would be the endorphins 
Kicking in” Jaredexplained. "They're 
sort oflike natural pain relief Just 


— 


relax and enjoyit" Well doctor's 
orders, Ithought tomyself,and put 
my head down on my arms and 
closed my eyes. 

Soonall my energy was 
concentrated on my shoulder blade, 
Which wasabuzz with theneedle's 
vibrations It feltas if my back was an 
electric force field, heightening ali my 
senses. As Jared continued to work, 
became more aware of his hands 
moving along my back. With latex 
covered fingers he stretched my 
skin taut, and could feel is warmth 
through the rubber glove. 

By this point, Iwas so relaxed. 
that almost forgot where! was. The 
combination of the needles ın my 
skinand Jared's touch felt ike a really. 
intense massage. Periodically, he 
would pull the gun away to refresh 
the ink and then return to the tattoo. 
Eachnewappication of theneedie 
sentsparks rushing straight to my 
Pussy and | felt my cheeks begin to 
flush, As my panties dampened, I 
hoped that Jared was concentrating 
solely on my back and hadn't noticed 
my arousal 

After about an hour, Jared put 
down his gun and | opened my eyes 
tofind him smilingat me. "Well 
the outline's done,” he sald as he 
surveyed his work "Wanna takea 
look?" He already knew the answer 
‘and had the mirrors ready. 

‘When | stood up, fet that natural 
high thatcomes from gettinga 
tattoo, andas the endorphins rushed 
through my body, the surge of. 
‘energy that followed heightened my 
arousal. I bit down on my bottom lip, 
trying to hide my excitement, and 
took the mirrors from Jared. 

It was Incredible. The harsh black 
outline of the fish was bold against 
my creamy skin, slightly puffy and 
red aroundthe edges. Imaginingit 
fully colored inthe briliant reds and 
orangesin sharp contrastto the black 
línes—a shiver ran through my body I 
turned to Jared. 

1t looks great," i said, smiling 
broadly. "What do you think?” 

Tm really pleased with it. he 
replied. "Id like to add some swirls 
aroundit,like waves." He drew 
circles on my shoulder blade with his 
fingertip,lustrating his meaning. 
When his hand made contact with 
my skin, gasped, and our eyes met 
inthe full-length mirror. He peeled 
off his gloves and graspedmy upper 
arms, massaging them lightly. 

"You've spent alot of timeon that 
table; he murmured, “Would you like 


‘WOPENTHOUSECOM 


totake abreak?” When nodded, he 
tenderly kissed the nape of my neck. 1 
hadn't hidden my excitement after all. 
Irealized glancing in the mirror at my 
erect nipples poking through my bra. 
Turning around, ош lips met. It felt 
strange that this was only our first 
kiss after sharing such an intimate 
experience. His hand dropped to. 
my breast and caressed my nipple 
through the soft cotton, then deftly 


unhooked the frontclasp of my bra. 

“Why, you've done this before, 
haven't you?" i teased, running my 
hands overhis shoulders and arms. 

“Not witha client; he replied 
seriously. "Ijustfeelthis Incredible 
connection with you." Heran his hand 
over my shoulder carefully, so as not 
tobrush the tender flesh, 

Jared kissed meagain, so deeply 
and passionately that my pussy was 
tinglingas well as my shoulder. undid 
the buttonon his 50% and, after 
quickly ridding ourselves of our jeans, 
he picked me up by the waist and 
placed те backon the table. Iran my 
cotton-covered toe over the frontof 
his briefs, feeling his erection. 

‘Kneeling in front of me, Jared 


lowered his face tomy dripping pussy 
and pulled apart my swollen lips. With 
‘one long swipe of his tongue, he had 
те shuddering beneathhimasall the 
pent-up energy from the tattoo was 
released in agigantic burst. Ashe 
continued lapping, | began moaning 
and shaking so hard that he had to 
hold me firmly to the table. With great 
urgency, | grasped his shoulders and 
pulled himup so that oncemore we. 
were face to face. Sliding off the table, 
| quickly pulled down hisunderwear 
and his impressivecocksprang free. 
Jared turned me around so that 
my back was tohim, and held the 
edge ofthe table. Grasping meby 
the waist, he entered me from behind 
with one firm thrust. When he was. 


‘buried balls deep in my cunt. he 
slowly pulled back out, and could 
feel the bulb-shaped head of his 
cock slipping out of me. Sliding back 
in. he began thrusting in earnest, 
holding my hips tightly forsupport as 
1 braced myself against the tableto 
take all of him. 
Itwasnit long before was 
‘coming again, my pussy clasping his 
pounding member as sweet spasms 


It wasn’t long before | 
was coming again. | was 
. amazed by the sheer 
intensity of my orgasm. 


washed over me. I was amazed by 
the sheer intensity of my orgasm 
and couldn't remember when had: 
ever come sodeliciousiy Affected 
by ту climax, within seconds, Jared 
reached his peakand cried out as hot 
jetsof come filed my throbbing cunt. 

Jared pulled me tightly to him, and 
| finched slightly when my tender 
shoulder rubbed against his chest. 
Ihadn't forgotten the tattoo during 
my brief moments with Jared; rather 
it had intensified the experience. 
Nuzzling my neck, Jared whispered 
in my ear, "So, how about we get that 
thing colored in?” 

Inodded my assent, knowing this 
wouldnt bethe last tattool'd get 
from Jared.—EV, New York Oka 


Er » = Î Haylee 


y Onelookat Wichita's Haylee Hunter proves 
> that not everything is flat in Kansas, and 
this former competitive cheerleader/future 


` nurse knows how to work her assets even 
> whenshe'snothomeon the range. 
LE Photographs by Misha 


FENTHOUSECOR IE 


Mas le wild teenager? 
Ofcourse—who wasn't? I’ve 
always likedhanging out 
with guys more than doing 
chickthings with the girls." 


MA PENTHOUSECOM 


куе | 


Haylee 


PENTROUSECOM Ti 


El 


Беа 
Armis 


The veteran Saturday Night Live cast member has ahilarious 
newDVD that will teach you everything youneed to know about the 
art ofdrumming-ifit doesn't blow your mind first. 


еа of al your drummer 
friends bugging youfor 
an advanced instructional 
Video every holiday season? Well 
with the release of Fred Armisen's 
пен DVD, your troubles are over. 
Titled Fred Armisen Presents Jens 
Hannemann: Complicated Drumming 
Technique, it's the perfect stocking 
stuffer for your percussionist pals, 
‘and will finally teach them the finer 
points of drum work that they've long 
hungered to learn: things like hand- 
heel coordination, beats per minute, 
‘and complex time signatures, It could 
‘get you guys signed. 
Notsincethe heyday ofthe rim 
shot—which is technically called 
astíng, as Hannemann could no 
doubt tellyou-have drums figured 
so prominently ina comedy act. 
Armisen's new disc isa subtly 
hilarious 30-minute music-parody 
inthe tradition of The Rutles and 
This 's Spinal Tap, andit makes sense 
that Armison, who started outas a 
drummer for Chicago punk band 
Trenchmouth, should deliver it. 
‘Armisen entered thecomedy 
world with a guerrilla video he 
made atthe South by Southwest 
music festivalin 1998, when he was 
still playing na band. Trolling the 
festival witha video camera, Armisen 
posed аза German journalist, a deaf 
тәп, and other characters as ho. 
interviewed the likes of Rolling Stone 
writer David Fricke and Pavement 
drummer Bob Nastanovich. The 
footage was bootlegged endlessly, 
and single-handedly launched 
Armisen into comedy Less than 
four years later, he landed a role on 
‘SNL, wherehehas created a number 
of recurring characters, including 
Ferecito, the Venezuelan drummer/ 
comedian and night-school 
devotee Gabe Fisher. We talked to. 
Armisen about life on SNL, meeting 
Prince,and the most complex time 
signatures known toman. 


AB PENTHOUSECOM 


Where is Jens Hannemann from? He 
sounds Scandinavian. 
He's of German descent, but he lives 
in Southern California. He's oneof 
those Southern California guys who 
are tryingto hide their accent, but 
you can still hear it. He's been living in. 
California doing session work. 


One of his compositions, “Fluid 
Engine," hasa 9/21 time signature. 
That's deep. 

This was based on so many drum 
videos ме seen They just break 
everything down intosomuch detail, 
tothe point where t just sounds like 


FredTube 
де Vide 


зө Covington Armen 
2 
. vues 
штен иш emotion tre 


тенеу The Wikohontman 
shoots havnt and plays Mea 
Lube. Chole uote тийе 

nad been thirsty алаһа gone 
mo thenouns for some urine” 


— as anaging 
Cocaney rocker Chole quc 
ose ware tne dy, 
wren benga Stators 
(— 


‘math. t's like they're not even talking. 
about music anymore. 


Hannemann also has an album titled 
Synchronology. How wouldhe 
describe it? 

He would describe itas world music, 
jazz-fusion funk... rock ..rockabilly- 
reggae... dub. 


There are also some practical 
drum tipson the DVD from Victor 
Benedetto. Did you know guys like 
him in music stores when you were. 
growing up? 

Yes, lknewa lotof guys who worked 
indrum stores or were drum teachers 
who were like that. They didn't sound 
Ikemusicians-they sounded more 
Ikeplumbers. 


You've been on Saturday Night 
Live for six years. Can you tell us 
something about the show that we'd 
be surprised to hear? 

Ithink people would be surprised by 
howmany changes happen really 

last minute. Upuntil le, changes. 
are being made on the script. During 
the show, changes are being made. It's 
fun butyoureallyhaveto be prepared 
for anything, 


is therea favorite sketch of yours that 
never made it on the air? 

1а asketch once where played a 
Guy who lives on arooftop and keeps 
pigeons in cages, and he thinks he 
really ugly. A giri comes up to the 
roof, andhejust keeps telling her how 
ugly he is. Every time she says, "No, 
don'tworry about it. You don't look 
so bad; he gets way too confident 
and braggy aboutit. Не makes 
turnaround and shouts off theroo! 

to New York City It was a weird pi 
But when stuff doesn't make it on; 
Idon't think, only America coi 

have seen it. think, well, maybe it 


I gota message from Paisley Park that 
said," We enjoy—we enjoy=the Prince 
skits very much." Andthat was it. But 
tomethat was enough. Then! met 
him, and he was very nice aboutit. 


He broughtit up? 
He had his own way of letting me 
know: he sortof said [assumes Prince 
voice], "I's cool,” and put his hand 

‘on my arm. was happy. Because Ге 
beenaPrincefanfor areallylong time 
andit's the same way with the drum 
DVD—thesketchisnot making fun of 
him:it's like a celebration of him OMe 


———— Á— 


A 


"| think people would be surprised at how many 
changes happen really last minute on Saturday Night 
Live. Up until Tl p.m, changes are being made on the 
script. During the show, changes are being made.” 


20 WA 


"DAVID | TA S sue 
с 


TEVENHAD ту OWN PERSONAL RFETTE ТО ASSIST ME AND 
WHILE HOT WOMEN SAT ON MY LAP. TELLING ME HOW 6000, 
"THEY BEEN AND HOW MUCH SEX THEY WANTED. 


Vi PENTHOUSECOM 


2 
e 

H 

3 

і 


T 


Zafira&Lola 


Zafira’s boyfriend is outof town, but why sleep alone 
when she can curl upnextto a hot friend like Lola? In fact, why sleep at all? 


Photographs by Viv Thomas 


Zafira never goestobedhomy 
when her guyis around, but Lola 
isbetteratteasingthanshe is 
ateasing Zafira'stension. She's. 
gotan erotic bedtime story, and 
knows howto act it out. 


Zafira&Lola 


Lola’sstory inspiresataleof 
Zafira’s exploits. Asshegets 
caughtupinshowingLola 

how herguy getsher off, she. 
kisses her way along her lover's 
delicious curves. 


TEEPENTHOUSECON. 


Zafira&Lola 


She loves Lola's lacy panties, 
and how they highlight the 
beauty of her satiny skin. But 
what Zafira really wants is 
todelve into whatliesbeneath 
thatsexy lingerie. 


IA PENTHOUSECOM 


Justas Zafira expected, Lola's 
pussyisready and waiting 
forher special touch. And Lola 
quickly returns the favor, 
‘exploring Zafira's throbbing 
entranceandaching clit. 


TERTHOUSECOWT 


Zafira & Lola 


This slumber party is just getting started, but luckily, 
these lusty ladies have along weekend ofhot, 

wet kisses—and so much more—ahead. Afterall, 
isn’tthat what friends are for? 


‘a PENTHOUSECOM 


"Wow! This is one hot read! All you naughty little humpers listen 
up: Penthouse does it again with this amazing compilation of tantalizing tales. Pick it up!" 


—2007 Penthouse Pet of the Year, Heather Vandeven 


EXTREME SEX, MAXIMUM PLEASURE 
Wale EDITORS OF 


Available January 2008 wherever fine books are sold or 
order online at barnesandnoble.com and amazon.com. 


dering whether it measures up to 
thoseof other males and whetherit 
is capable of satisfying a woman. So 
does sizereally matter? The answer is 
aquaified no, Penile size is to men 


what breast sizes to women 
'gthataffects self-esteem but is 

disproportionate toits importance, 

at least as far as sexual satisfactionis 


Sure 


It's happened to all of us. You're about to get it 

оп with a hot, eager girl when suddenly you 
freeze. What's she going to think when she finally 
sees all of you? Are you ready to satisfy her? Not to 
worry. Victoria Zdrok, Ph.D. talks to herPet friends 
and tells you how to put these issues to bed. 


of men have penises between five to 
seven inches long when erect. This is 
an adequate size for 90 percent of all 
theaverage woman's 
vaginais only about three inches long 
about four and аһа inches long 
fully aroused), To accommodate 
jer or thicker penis, itcan stretch 


tofit however, such stretching does 


vot necessarily increase a woman's 
pleasure. Moreover, along penis is 
oftenuncomfortable, as ittends tohit 


"Decarvalares whichmostwomen | howit compares to other menshe 
dontfndpleasurabie.Alongerpenis | hasbeenwith Perhapsyoufrst 
aiotenditobelesrgdthana | becameandousaboutthesizeof 
Shoreroneduetothegreaterbood your penis when oucomparedyour 
volume needed to flit ош. Undeveloped halusto tnat of your 
Penisgithhasahghercoreaton | fatherorolderbrother Or maybe you 
tofemalesenualzatefctonthan set lookdownatyour penis wsie 
penisiengtn Becausethemajorty comparing it to these of other boys 
Sfvaginainerveendingsarelocated | Inthelackerroom, Togetabetter 
J.. estimate ofyour size look atyourself 
CCC 
Ikecoronaheads maybe more ‘trough women may talk about 
adaptat stimulating thesenerves | beingüvitedby seeing the pens of 
However widepenisesaredefiitely  awel-hung stud. inreality thesize 
notcomfortable fororalandanal ° ofthe relaxed or iaccidpenis does 
interactions Andthamaortyot not really matter because duingan 
enlsesarebetweenthreeandsix erection, the penis may increase to 
inchesingith while anaverage several times its Naccid size. About 90 
vagiaicumfernteisabout  percontotalimenhavopernisos that 
:!:.  rangefrom three tofiveinches when 
Samsuetchtoftatckerpens, flaceld But some guys with below- 
. — — averogefiacciópensesendupwih 
uncomfortable particularly ifthey are | above-averageerections Theteguys 
hot flyaroused or growers brovetatanerectonis 
Doesthismeanpenissize doesnot thegreatequalzer 
matteratalNo.A smallrpenisCles Has she had bigger ones?No 
iheniyeeincheswhenemc might matter how curious youre, never, 
J ever aska womanhow your ens 
women whivanextremelyiong penis compares tothoso of ther overs she 
(more than seven inches) might make has had. You will come across as an 
deenpenetrationpolfuIaddton _insecurechump and she wil never 
somewomenmay clean,? telyouthe truth anyway. Instead. no 
Deniaesforreosonsolherthanserual matter what you are packing, carry it 
Satisfaction Juste somemanfind with pride. Howcanyou 
argo breasts turno, some women expecther tolles your 
findiargoponisestobevisualy | pensifyoudontluly 
— | acceptityourselt? 
implicationsofsize.Butshemightbe ` Rememberevena 
Mowedbyalugepensyetprera below-average 
Tovor with an average-tze oe реп canpertorm 
OfolthePetslhavetaledtoony more thanadeauataiy 
oneemphasizedtheimportance  whenatachedtoa d 
T 
fisoadmittedthatsheisontyableto | loyerOnysöperaint Never ask a woman how your 
—  ofwomenconssteniy | 
T..  acnieveorgasmtiroush PENIS compares, No matter 
moreimooranttotersenaisais- inercourseandtro ` what you are packing, carry 


faction than penis size (6 Soutof majority of women 


enwasthemeanimportanceofthe require additional it with pride. How can you expect 
penis size, andeight out of ten was litoral stimulation herto like your penis if you 


the mean importance of oral skills. ^ toachieveorgasms. 


Tne19g3Petofthe Year JulieStrain,  Learninghowtomeke CION't fully accept it yourself? | 
E 
$ 
| 


sald."Penissizeisnotimportanttome the most of positions 
because itis not how come” A long, that maximizecontact with her penetrate a vagina andis a possible. 
agile tongue (Ala Genesimmons) clitoris or that achieve maximum G- sign of Peyronie's disease), |once 
probably gets higher scores fromhot | spot stimulation will put you far above had alover who was extremely self- 
women thana long penis does! mostlovers shehas ever had. conscious about his penis, which 
‘Of course, in addition to being a Evenifyour penis ison the smaller he considered crooked, as it had a 

sexualobject, your penis isa symbol side, it may be superior in other ways pronounced downward bent. But 
of virility dominance, and masculine  toprevious penises she has had. It ‘once I showed him howto utilize his 
PowerFromthatperspectiveyou | mighthavesmoother,softer skin than curvatureto please a woman, he was. 
mightworrynotsomuchaboutits most, or apronouncedcorona, or no longer unhappy with his penis! 
ablityto satisfy yourhottie, but itmight curve ina way that delivers Inthedoggie-style position, hewas 

greater pleasure. Penises that curve 

upward are perfectly suited for 

stimulating theG spot (except for 

an extreme curvature, which cannot 


ableto give methe most powerful thinks of how you fit together. 


G-spot orgasms. What he considered Finally because every penis is 
tobe adefecttumedouttobe arare, attachedto a man, when a woman 
delicious advantage! feels passionate and turned on by a 

What isfar more importantthan. man, sheis Ikely to imbue him with 
the sizeisthe fit" between tho. positive characteristics and perceive 
couple, as anatomicalcompatibility his penis as larger than it really is. In 
can make a difference. Petite women ‘other words it's more about the man 
often dislike the feel ofa large penis, than his manhood Om 


while some bigger women prefer 


тоге filing stimulation. In my own ra 


dorbisming book De Zon 
experience, thereis definitely a big ‘Scoring by Victor ori to 
difference in how wellyoumatch . —— 
with some partners. Some guys! mern mena Schuster, 


literally merged with, while with Ine, NY Pérted by permission 
others we seemed torequire extra. 
effortto find a comfortable position 
for penetration. So f you really want 
together feedback askher what she 


1:7 


Join the 
Penthouse 
Magazine 
Reader Panel 
Get an early peek at the 
girls of Penthouse and 
help us make the best 


magazine possible when 
you join our reader panel. 


It doesn't take a lot of time 
All you have to do is vote 


‘on pictures we send you. 


For more information visit 


Penthouse.com/readerponel 


пе CandyShop) 1 1 1 11 
Kudos to director Diana DeVoe for 
assemblinga collection of women 
who can make even a jaded old fuck 
sit up and take notice of the usually 
disappointing all-girl genre. Lick lt 
presents ten girls (white, black, and. 
Hispanic) infivescenes that offer a 
consistentlevel of heat, The stunning 
Nyomi Banoo and india Summer use 
the pretense of an escort-service job 
interview to throw down this disc's 
shining scene. After some steamy 
banter, Barxxx glides a vibrator over 
her pink button until Summer realy 
‘gets things going, showing a hint of 
stockingtop as she bends down to 
lend аһап and give Banxxxa more 
in-depth probing. Misty Stone makes 
shower masturbation session even. 
more entrancing and erotic than we 
generally see. The cast of absolutely 
beautiful women puts most other 
girl-on-girishowsto shame. Grabthis. 
‘and don'tietgo, 

The Adventures of Shorty Mac t7. 
(Black Marked 1 11:11 

There's a special kind of thrillthat 
‘comes from watching a woman get 
fuckedwithareallybigdick. We're 
not talking Ron Jeremy big. We'renot 
even talking Lexington Steele big. 
We're talking Shorty Mac big-one of 
thoselegendary cocks that's as thick 
as your wrist. His huge salami renders 
‘oral sex almost completely worthless 
for us, not him, wee sure), butonce 
the fucking starts—watch out! The 
hands-down best scene on this disc, 
whichis full of winners, features 
Honey DeJur acute Hawaiian witha 
fullass, naturally large tits, and... wait 
forit.. braces. She spends most of the 
scene walling and teling Macto pull 
her hair (her best line when theyre 
baling:"Dor't beafraidto fuckme!”. 
Atone point, aslackjawed Mac even 
зеет» surprised at how much she 
‘cantake. And take it she does, from 
missionary tocowgirito the moment 
he comes on her mouth metal. Nikki 
Lov, Hailey James, Sophie Dee, and 
Megan Reece also giveimpressive 
performances for which they should 
beapplauded. 


чу 


Er 
‘hook 


ig 


22 


Double Up 
(iva) 111 


Fucking sisters is definitely something 
to shoot for in terms of bragging 
rights, but only the truly ambitious 
‘stud would set his sights on banging 
twins. For anyone who dreams of 
pulling the by-product of sponta- 
neous cell division, this Is a gift 
fromthe gods. Real-life twin sisters 
Lyndsey and Lacey Love perform 

пара of scenes—satistying the 
menin the film, but not each other, 
Thefirst one features Nick Manning 
(who works a faux-dominant persona 
that we dont dig) sand manages to 
work despite Manning's distracting 
histrionics. The otherwise dependable 
Manning lays some considerable stick 
on the twins before glazing them with 
balljuice. The Love sisters later couple 
withanotherlover after а day at an 
amusement park—and the fun really 
starts when they become the big- 
ticket ride. biker dick-slinger fucks 
themlongand hard, eliciting squeals 
‘of delight їп stereo. Two other scenes 
are content to make use ofthe gir-on- 
Sirithemewkhout the genetic glue 
that binds the rest of the flick. Buta 
titular promiseis a titular promise, and 
Double Up succeeds mostly when the 


sisters are on-screen Oe 


ADAM@E 


lam enclosing $9.95 check or 
180 


Dept.PH972 PO Box 900 
Carrboro, NC 27510 


BONUS CATALOG — FILLED CREDIT CARD CUSTOMERS CALL: 
WITU THE HOTTEST 
ADULT PRODUCTS" AVAILABLE// 


Ls EVE 


ORDER TODAY AND CET OUR 


showed me around the house while 
Dana gave Lisaa very different tour. 
When Mike and caught up with them 
intheden Dana was showing Lisa 
Mike's extensive porn collection. Lisa 
and had watched porn together, 
butnever with another couple. Iwas 
surprised that Dana had talked Lisa 
into picking amovie for the fourofus 
to watch, but not by Lisa's selection— 
amasturbation video. Lisaloves to 
masturbate and | get off watching her. 

After Mike opened the wine, we 
coupled up to watch the movie. With 
thelights off and the wine buzz, Lisa 
andifeltrelaxed enough to make out 
and occasionally comment on the on- 
screen action. Several times during 
thetlick,as | worked my hand under 
Lisa's skirt, caught Dana looking 
in my direction—but | wasn't sure 
whether she was checkingout me or 
ту girlfriend. began to wonder how 
theevening would end. 

‘When the movie was over, Mike 
suggested we watch something else, 
While | browsed the titles, Dana took 
Lisa into the bedroom. I asked Mike 
ifheknew what the girls were up to 
andhe said, “knowing my horny wife, 
itll be something we'llall enjoy." Iwas 
pretty horny, too, and couldn't waitfor 
themto return. 

Mike was right about Dana, The 
giris walkedin wearing just thelr bras 
and panties. Dana had a vibrator in 
each hand, while Lisa carried a sheet 
and some pillows. Then Dana asked 
it we really wanted to watch another. 
movie, because sheandLisa had 
something in mind that would bea 
lot more fun. Mike and | were up for 
whatever they had planned, Mike 
and Dana had been together longer 
than Lisa and, but | knew Lisa well 
enough to know that she liked having 
an audience. This situation was tailor- 
made forher. 

Lisa and Dana spread a sheet 


and some pillows on the floor, and 
stepped out oftheir underwear. Then 
ee x Lisa satin front of MikeandDana sat 
— un infront of me. They made a beautiful 

FOUR ON THE FLOOR Theaction got even sight with thelr legs spread open, but 


For the last few months Mike and | 


hedbeentangimodanerwoneat Otter when Dana turned renate ben too she 


nyatifendussmamenertomeet_ SOUNA and buried her ew Mie thought ва looked good 
his wife. Mike said ana loved meeting | face between Lisa's legs. because he seemed transfixed by 
new peopleandpromised we have. | р herglstering pussy He wasin for a 
mrunfowettzblenghttioduse (el Never watched a realen doesnt take much for my 
aboutthe nukte, so we were settoso | girlfriend do this before. irfiendtocome and her orgasms 
verto Mike's the following Friday. arebigandwet 

On Friday [picked isa up after Lisa and Dana reached for the 
work and we stepped to buy some vibrators and began rubbing the 
wine. When we got to Mike's place, buzzing Ups between their legs Dana 


he introduced us to Dana and then told Mike and meto take our pants 


VAS FENTROUSE COR. 


off and stroke our cocks for them. 
hesitated untill saw Mike peeling off 
hispants. Then did the same and we 
both started to stroke our cocksas 


ж 
a | A 
with ther vibrators. 
Lisa was thefirsttocry outasshe 
peaked. Mike was totally focused 
‘on her asher head fell back and she 
cameall over her fingers, lcouldsee 
the frustration on Dana's face as 
shefucked herself harder with the 
vibrator But Lisa eagerly came to 


Dana'srescue. 
You look so hot, Dana. Weall want 

see you come,” Lisa saidas she took 

her vibrator and pressed the buzzing 


Donaneeded депу злестевон. | | Started stroking his dick, Densswaiinstonge — n 
and her body shook. I didn't know and he pushed hard After Danaand Lisa sucked our 


how close Mike was to coming. but cocis hard Lisa rode Mike cock 
seeingLisaheip Danagetotfneary — into my hand. If Ne would while Dana lea meto thecouch She 
— , reach beneath my ucktomeendeston my cock 
beteten er, — Skirt, Ned know how grated Danastitsandietherset 
face between Lisa's legs d never ARE А the pace. As she bounced onmy lap, 
watchedo giitienddotnisbetore. SICK with desire | was. watched Lisa and Mike going at until 
iwas sti stroking my hard-on when Theyhad explosive orgasms, 
Oana told Mike and meto jack offon Twas about tocome when Lisa 
— moved Lisa cameoverandickad my bells The 
апата off unti loads of cream ran mad combo of Lisa'shot tongueand 


VISIT US ONLINE AT ADAMEVE.COM CREDIT CARD CUSTOMERS CALL 800/274-0333 DEPT. PH973 


‘Dana's muscles gripping my cock set 
me off. My orgasm seemed to goon 
forever—as did Dana's, thanks toa 
litte help from Lisa. 

Wehada blast that first night, but 


never imagined Mike's initial invitation 


would lead to the four of us hooking 
up several ume: o month. or that we 
would expand our group to Include 
others when themood was right. As 
soonas| havetime,|plan on detailing. 
more of our exploits in letters to 
Penthouse.—FL. Minnesota 

CALL THEPETS! 
IfyouwanttogettoknowPetofthe 
Month Taya Parker—or any of our 
Pets—callthe Pet Hotline at 800-799- 
PETT(7388).Ourvixenscant wait to 
tell youallabouttheirlives and their 
fantasies,Callers must be 18 or older 
Costis $199 to $2.99/minute. 


Penthouse.comhasmorethan 30 
yearsofyour favorite Penthouse Pets, 
Penthouse videosinOVD-quality 
downlcads--includingtheinfamous 
Caligula—andan archive of sexyletters 
fromreaders. Go to Penthouse com 
today fora free preview. 


‘Ws FENTRCUSECON. 


With the train racing 
uptown, his hand slid 
around to my stomach 
and traveled up 
under my blouse. 


TUNNEL VISION 
!camehome from work hot and sticky. 
leaving a trail of clothing оп ту way 
totheshower Asilet the water wash 
away theheatof summer, found. 
myself smiling and thinkingabout my 
subway ride home. 

Just 30 minutes earlier | was riding 
the uptown express with every other 
straphanger trying togethome 
during the Friday-evening rush. ra 
been pushed into a corner at the 
‘end of the car and my hands were 
braced against thelocked door. it was 
insanelyhot,and musthave picked 
the one car with weak air conditioning 
andno lights. 

Feeling slightly dizzy with the 
pressure of the bodies around me 


> WO y < 


Wannen 
EEE 
en 
az 
— —— 
ee 
——— 
тес, 
Sen 
EE cheer тотса 
E e eos, 
e 
ee ee 
ee 
een 
. 

prd MM 
235 
ee 
e 
. 
e 
en 

po AM 
— as CM 
emet 
— ae 
ессе санага 
en 
een 


"SPECIAL SERVICES" 


CONSTEP™ height increasing shoes. 
сап make you 425 lale (шту 


Hidden heol technology, just look Ike 
normal footwear 100° styles, from 
$59.99. 


Dunt; 


, p" 
a Ji 


Make you 4257 taller instant 
1-000-706-6472 www CONSTEP.com 


Inside Penthouse Magazin 


Videos * Fealures + Special Offers 
And, of course, our Penthouse Pets 


Go to www.penthousemagazine.com 


МА ВАС 


Reach nearly 3.5 million readers through our exclusive 
special advertising page. For information call Jack O'Neill at 
212-702-6106 or email joneillapmgi.com 


INCRI EASE EJACULATE VOL) 
5 E 


ORDER TODAY! 
Se Habla Espanol 
VIAM EDIE 
[ um eat «str 


Free shipping offer for new US. orders only Coupon expires 12-31-08 


Li 
ито ОП will the: 


| M 


the train racing uptown,hishand slid 
around tomystomach and traveled 
‘up under my blouse. My tits are huge 
‘and my nipples quickly responded to 
the attention by growing taut. didn't 
have to wait long for the sensation 

in ту nipples to reach my throbbing 
cit t feitlike my own personal power 
surge Itook a deep breath and let my 
hand drop down he moved with the 
next train tremor to meet it. could 
feel his massive cock through the 
fabric ofhis pants. Ibegan stroking 
him, but at that moment, the train. 
pulled into a station and ight from 


When Steve drove around 
tothe backyard, | saw 

a swimming pool full 

of naked women—hot 
naked wornen, with figures 
like Pamela Anderson 

and Demi Moore. 


the platform filteredin through the 
windows, illuminating the car. 

"Fuck" he said under his breath, 
quickly removed my hand from. 
hisfly. Afew people escapedthe 
heated car, butt seemedasif dozens 
more muscled their way in. Pressed 
together even tighter than before, 
we waited until thedoors closedand 
the train rumbled out of the station 
intodarkness again. had 20 minutes 
atthemost to getoff.Ihopedthere 
wouldbeenough time. 

Just when began to wonder ifthe 
moment was over, he placed my hand 
ол his hard length. He'd eased his 
Zipper down and felt his cock pulsing 
Under my fingers, started stroking 
his dick, and he pushed hardintomy 
hand. Ifhe would only reach beneath 
my skirt, he'd know how sick with 
desire | was. Because of the heat, Id 
removed my stockings and panties. 
before leaving theoffice. 

His breathing was shallow in my ear 
when hewhisperedhe was close to 
coming. But what about me? Then, as 
if he'd read my mind, the hand under 
my blouse moved down and around 
tosqueeze my ass before finding the 
slit inthe back of my skirt. He reached 
between my legs, finding my slick 
folds, and dipped each finger into 
ту creamy hole. Hisfingers probed 
me,andthe more he finger-fucked 
‘me the hotter! became, untill had to 
bite mylip to keep from crying outas 
he pushed me beyond my limit and! 
‘gushed allover his fingers. 

almost forgot my hand was on 
his cock when felthim push it away. 
He had what felt like a handkerchief 
in hishand, sol knew he was about 
toexplode. He started discreetly 
riding my hip until he suddenly leaned 
forward, gruntingandcoughing to 
 maskhis orgasm. 

Then just as we pulled nto the 
station, my rear-seat driver patted 
my hip and breathed his name and a 
complimentary salutation into my 
turned slightly and said, “Anytime 

My reminiscing came to an end 
as stepped out of the shower and 
wrapped atowel around myself | 
wondered if would ever run into 
himagain. was picking my clothes 
up fromthe floor when a business 
cardfell out of a pocket. never put 
anythingin my pockets. Recognizing 
the name of my train buddy, instantly 
knew that! was going to havea 
fucktastic weekend!—R.G, New York 


COUGARFEVER 
Tm26 yearsold and 'vejust 
discoveredthe joys of older pussy. | 


had vacation time coming but was 
low on cash, so decided toabandon 
thebigcityandspendJunewkhmy 
parents atthe family ranch. 

One дау! drove totown to 
getsomeranch supplies at the 
lumberyard, While Iwas signing 
the receipt, the older sister of a 
high schoolfriend came in. hadn't 
seen Shanna inahalf-dozen years 
and, at 38, she stil looked hot. We 
hugged, andshe introduced meto. 
her husband Steve. They invited me 
out tolunchand we caught up on 
everything that had been going on 
since d movedaway. Then she told 
her husband that she'd given me my 
first taste of pussy. was stunned. 

Luckilyherhusband laughed, 
putting me at ease, so laughed, 
too,andsaid, "That's right-and the 
second, third, and fourth, as recall” 
From that point on, the conversation 
was laced with sexual banter. Before 

the diner, they invited meto a 
Saturday-Sunday fuck-fest barbeque 
ata ranch about two hours away. How 
could refuse? 

The next morning, wemet for 
breakfast and drove their RV to the 
ranch. Ontheway, Stevesaidl'd 
probably be the youngest guythere— 
mostof the group would be between 
35and 50.1 silently pictured myself 
fucking some dumpy motherly type, 
since there was no guarantee they'd 


alllook lke Shanna. If known about. 
the agerange, îd havepassed. Now! 
was stuck. 

But when Steve drove around to 
the backyard, saw a swimming pool 
fullofnaked women—hotnaked 
women, with figures like Pamela 
Anderson and Demi Moore. Steve 
and Shanna undressed in the bus 
and followed their lead, keeping 
ononly my hat and fiip flops. We 
stepped outof the bus and were. 
met by the hostess, atiny Hispanic. 
woman named Maria. She was barely 
fivefeet tall with D-cups. practically 
had to fold my six-four frame in half 
toreceive a welcoming hug from this 
mini-bombshell. 

Mariaintroduced us to the whole 
gang. which included 16 couples and 
afew singles. The last person she. 
introduced me to, Ramona, wasatall, 
pretty woman who looked about 40. 
‘She was nude except for ared bikini 
bottom with ties on the sides. When 
some good, slow country music 
started to play, she invitedme to 
dance. She pressed her DOs against 
ту chest, and Iran ahandunder the 
bikinibottom tocup her ass. She 
whispered that one tug of the string 
would make the garment drop tothe 
floor. yanked on thestring and then 
flungitaside with my toe. 

She tucked her gorgeous body 
against meas we continuedto dance, 
but soon we were sitting at a picnic 
table and shewas stroking my dick 
whilel had two fingers inher pussy. 
‘She was soaking wet. looked across. 
the yard and saw several couples 
fucking anda few others fondling. 
Maria was giving someone a blowjob 
‘onthe porch, 

Ramona puta blanketonthetable 


Certification: The records, 

if any, relating to any images 
inthis periodical required tobe 
maintained by 18 U.S.C. § 2257 
and 28 C.F.R. S 75arelocated 

at the office of the producer, 2 Penn 
Plaza, Eleventh Floor, Suite 1125, 
New York NY 10121, М. Rothenberg, 
custodian of records. Date of 
publication: December 11,2007 


ne 


‘and ay on her back. When slipped 
my hands around her waist and pulled 
her tothe edge, she put herlegs over 
my shoulders, leased my dick into her. 
pussy and took some time to work 

my way in. We started a slow, steady 
rhythm, but she begged me to speed 
up. AS felt the pressure begin to build 
inmy balls, asked herif she was ready 
(о соте. Ramona nodded frantically 
between moans. I slammed into her 
with one final thrust and came witha 
spine-rattling orgasm. 

While Ramona andi werecatching 
ош breath Maria walked over with 
someone's come splatteredon her 
chest. She asked Ramonaif she" 
enjoyed our fuck Ramona responded 
that she had, andhoped Га enjoyed 
her 48-year-old pussy. Iwas amazed. 
‘Then pulled outandshe hoppedoff 
the table, ready to give me head. 

Before the weekend was over, 
fucked Ramona again, the 50-year- 
‘oldMaria, and her 45-year-old sister 
Linda. Then had a three-way with 
Steveand Shanna when we got back 
totheirhouse -ОТ, Texas Ote 


PastPerfect 


Vanessa 
Willams 


des PENTHOUSECOM 


Y TV's Ugly Betty. Your older 
sister probably knows her from the hit 
R&B singles “Dreaming” and "Runnin 
Back to You” But chances are pretty 
‘good that your dad knows her best, 

Miss America who 
tion nine 


icCity when nude photographs 

‘of her were published in the Septem- 

ber 1984 issue of Penthouse. 
Theblack-and-white photos were 


ада secret from Williams's past, 
and—for obvious reasons weren'tin 


The photos were 
scandalous, and 
they may have 
been the best 
thing to happen 
to her career. 


her modeling portfolio. The only thing 
you didnt seein the pictures, taken by 
Тот Chiapel in 1982, were Williams's 
beautiful green еуез; otherwise, 
nothing was left tothe imagination. 
Supporters of Williams piled 
on Penthouse editor in chief and 
publisher Bob Guecionetor 
dethroning the first black Miss 
America (even thoughit was really 
the pageant officials who made 
Williams resign). Guccione, for 
his part, had no apologies for 
publishingoneof the fastest-selling 
magazines in history. In1984 he 
told People magazine that the Miss 
America Pageantisa"glorified 
beauty contest” And with his typical 
audacity. Guccione offered Williams a 
full-time job representing Penthouse 
to which she did not reply) 
Thephotos were salacious 


scandalous, and just may have 
been the 


thing thathappened 


media frenzy died down, 
established the most succe 
career of any former Miss America, 
ing of hit songs, films, and 
stage roles. Her music and acting 
skills got her nominated for Grammys, 
Tonys, and Emmys. She's won the. 
Billboard Music Award, an NAACP 
image Award, and a Theater World 


пеге 


Award. Mostrecently,theformer nude 
model was honored with...a Teen 
Choice Award. 

The September 1984 issue of 
Penthouse isa bona fide collector's 
ttem,andnotjust because of 
Vanessa's photos. ThePetof the 
Monthinthatissue was none other 
thantheunderage Tracy [sic] Lords, 
who gave the photographer a phony 
driver's icense to prove she was 
over18 and, when the truth came 
out, ignited a scandal herself. So it's 
асойесїогъ issue that no one can 
collect, because owning a copy isa 
federal crime 


the review.com 


GH) DJARUM 


it's the clove...