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PLAYBOY 


PLAYBILL 


Ames 


JACK COLE LOOKS NORMAL enough. as 
ді can ace by the quiet, bespectacled 
hatograplı on this ıt арреа 
5 
6 
mad. Not dangerously so-ju 1 
to make life таб fr bins and 
for more mundane souls like ws. Jack's 
a ruo regular whose full page 
Cartoons and inspired series ol Females 
have won him an enthusiastic following, 
That following will have a held day 
with this issue, for Jack has taken his 
Sketch pad to the beach and come up 

with five pages of devastating results. 

Ray Russell, another mad one, is also 
back. Not content with having demol- 
ished Hollywood Roman extravagancas 
and TV's Sherlock Holmes in previous 
issues, ће has sharpened his poison pen. 
fone alter historical novel, and drawn 
blood. Where this boy treads, no 10s 
bloom thereafter. 

Some highly emertaining fiction has 
been chosen for your plcasure, 109: 


bane “Legend of the 
"nd the e 
gh Type Fellon 
Herbert Cal, мге ey 
type chers who teaches creative vw 
Wayne Uni Тано Herbs 
den two noch rh of Hero and 
The Prospect Before Us (recen ics 
sued by Signe) pluva quantity of son 
Sr things for The New Yorker Colliers 
The antics Discovery, Neu Word 
rtg and other steady, high type pul 
me The story ín (a ini i his 
for vate, but by no means the 


fi 
hast. 

In this July issue we also investigate 
songsatirist Tom Lehrer, watch strip: 
per Tempest Storm make 

ЖЕГІ) 


upon the daily routine 
especially lovely, surprisingly 
unique Playmate of the Month. As the 
song says, who could ask [or anything 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


LOVE FOR A PLAYMATE, |. 
After poring over your December issue 
(en the Fumpieen.hausandıh time, the 
magazine and 1 are both pretty much 
framed out. Model Тату Ryan is the. 
most beautiful girl 1 have ever seen! 

Tin not sleeping. eating or working at 
y Job (rechnen illustrator) proper 
‘am, gears and circuitry have lost their 
fascination. My hif is resigned to 
Tschaikowsky. Му friends are disgusted 
with me. My doy has left home, The 
book 1 was writing remains neglected, 
accusingly so. 

T have not yet contracted scurvy, but 
1, a very moderate drinker, avait the 
fastapproaching spectre: dipsomania. 1 
Sall probably expire with bursts ofthe 
elbow. 

“There is no cure other than marriage 
to Miss Ryan, Please be so kind as to 
advise her of this ad state of affairs. In 
All my thirty-two years, I have never been 
o utterly Captured. 


David M. Hall 
Baltimore, Md. 


NEW READERS 
Have just read your April issue after 
ic vas highly recommended by some 
friends. 1 fail to see the point of your 
publication. Same of the jokes were of 
„5 
hespest ol magazines. 1 think you have 
a distorted philosophy when you asume 
VV 
tracted by a cheap exposé of vex. Plemur 
e NL Qe Pu Лори the төлі 
fiber which has made our country по 
great and you are speedily helping it 
Mong it way. No more тілүвот for me 
Keith мае 
Enid, Oklahoma 


1 have just read the April issue of 
your magazine from cover to cover and 
Г must frankly admit I was both sur- 
wied and delighted to say the very 
east, 
T purchased riavnoy on the advice of 
a newsdealer who gave по "salesalk” 
whatsoever. Не merely told me to let 
пазоў sell ie, which i did 100%, 
firs glance 1 imagined your maga- 
tine co be an oversized joke and wandal 
book on quality paper. Now that 
fr ian Ael te, am comi 
that only the most eloquent linguist 
td ive rua roy stsactory appraisal. 
Т ean only say, “Colossal 
W. A. Leader 
Reading, Penn- 


APRIL ISSUE 

To be brief and to the point, I have 
just purchased my April copy of mavsoy 
and my last. 1 thought the Februa 
issue was bad enough, bot the Apri 
issue is the Anish. T found only one page 
of rtavsoy worth reading and that was 
the Party Jokes. 

Number I. Who Ше hell care about 
Executive Flight or did you get pai 
United Air Lines for pug that wary 
Number 2 George J. W Goodman 
should write one more article and eat 
it-that would be beter than making 
other people try to read it. Number 3. 
The es said about the P. G. Wodehouse 
story the better. The only good thi 
bou it i i£ you follow the page ie 
structions (continued on page 51), you 
miw half the story, and thats a help 
Number 4-111 want to buy a cook bock 
and learn how to prepare crab meat 
don't have to pay a half buck for iC 
To sum it up ih s word, the February 
issue smelled bad, bot the April issue 


stinks, 
Ralph S. Reed 
Uniondale, LL, NY. 


Just finished reading the April stav- 
вот. Superb! We are anxiously await 
ing the May issue. Everything m your 
magazine is the most to say the least. 
We aren't satisfied with just a picture 
of the Playmate each month, however. 
How about giving us names, addrewes 
and phone numbers? 

Bob Lingle, and The Boys of 

‘The US. Atlantic Fleet 

Amphibious Force Orchestra 

USS. Pocono 

c/o FPO, Norfolk, Virginia 

The last six Playmates in order: Miss 

December, Terry Ryan; Miss January, 
Bettie Poge; Miss February, Jayne Mans- 
field; Miss April, Marilyn Waltz; Miss 
May, Marguerite Empey; Miss June, Eve 
Meyer, Sory, Bob, we've heaping the 
‘addresses and. phone number: to our 
selves. 


TEXAS FASHIONS. 

It seems that Jack Kessie's article on 
"The Well Dresed Playboy" is receiving 
а great deal of interest and discussion 
from ro, readers. Being from the 
state of Texas, І feel it my duty to help 
out fellow Texan Lionel Samuelson by 
reminding the boys from the University 
of lilinos (May letters column) that 
every man, woman, child and ignoramus. 
(to include everyone) has a right to 


ADDRESS PLAYBOY MAGAZINE 


10 E SUPERIOR ST, CHICAGO 11, ILLINOIS 


Pick the hind of clothes he personally 
eters 
а William W. Baker 

In College 


Kalamazoo, Michigan. 


Your May issue includes letters from 
lents from Pennsylvania and Illinois 
ing the tailor from Texas, 1 want 
to correct the gentlemen by reminding 
them that Mr. Samuelson must, as a 
businessman, give the Texas playboy 
what he wants in styling or go out of 
business. As the student from Lehigh. 
ssid, the “well dressed man" in three. 
button. Aappockeied, vented jacket 
would be considered а Square down 
here. Texans have never allowed out- 
siders to dictate their tastes in clothes 
or anything else. As long as the fellows 
in Texas feel that clothing as described. 
by Mr. Samuelson is stylish, serviceable 
and functional, you can be certain it will 
be worn in Texas, and any outsider 
from North, East or West who ает 
то dictate to us what is stylish will 
considered a square in the true sense 
of the word, ы M 
1 want to compliment you on the wa 

in which you manage cach month 10 
Come up with cartoons, articles and бе. 
tion of the highest quality. 1 especially 
enjoy the “Females by Cole" series. 

Billy Waldsoy 

West Texas Sate College 

Canyon, Texas 


Some of the letters written by certain 
northern university men have disturbed 
me deeply. You Yanks never seem to 
realize what Texas really is. In regard 
to some of the replies written in answer 
to Mr. Lionel Semuelson's Texas sized 
opinion about fashion, 1 say 
fongowen that Texas has 
everything 

Sure, we have radicals of every kind, 
including clothes radicals. We are not 
proud of them and we arc just as quick 
to stare when one of Mr. 5 customers 
comes clicking by in his green suede 
shocs as we аге at some of you Yanks 
who come down and wear your cashmere 
sweaters and cordovans swimming in 
July 

There is only one way for you to 
undentand Texas and that is to come 
se for yourself. 1t might take you a 
while 10 get out of your deep rooted 
uniform imagination of what style is 
but when you do, you will learn to live 
casually and comfortably and might de 


cide to stay with us as thousands of you 
have. 

‘We have the taste and ability to manu- 
facture and wear anything we want іп 
the way of clothes. I we had the climate 
for it, we could make your English cop- 
ied "Ivy League" clothes look sick. 

‘We have what we want though and we 
don't need anyone's stuffy styles pushed 
off on us just because they are manufac 
tured north of the Mason-Dixon li 
We will always be the “Lone Star State: 

Nick McCrocklin 


Here at school we are associated with 
men from all parts of the country. As 
might be expected. eLavuoy is extremely 
popular among Ше students and every 
ору is sold out the frst day at the local 
newsstand. The students here also agree 
with Jack Davis and his comments on 
proper male attire in his letter in the 
April ваше. The "Ivy League” lock is 
the most popular male dress here im 
the East where it originated, and out 
West. too. The majority of college men 
лба te аму pels the “at 
ural look," and since a large percenta 

E raveya readers are clle student 
we hope you plan on continuing your 
exellent en articles by Jack J 


Roy С. Smith (Rhode Island) 
Tim O'Reilly (California) 
Severn School 

Severna Park, Maryland. 


‘THE HUNGER 

First, let me say that I have never 
written a fan letter to anyone about 
anything, This is my fist, but I can 
asure you it won't be my last as far as 
ee is concerned; in my opinion, 
jou have the greatest men’s magazine to 
it the market in years, Lets have more 
and more fiction by Charles Beaumont. 
1 think he is the finest author writing for 
magazines today. He does for short sto- 
tien what, Ald Hitchcock does for 
movie thrillers. 


R. M. Parks 
San Francisco, Calil. 


Just put down the April issue of your 
very exellent, sophisticated publication. 
Was imprescd, especially, by the lead. 
fiction piece, "The Hunger,” by Charles 

: nont managed to 
(mosphere of a small town 
dy to paper. Loved his 
‘rippling red-brick streets” (how well T 
remember them from my ovn youth) 
and his, beautiful portrayal of the old 
sisters. Fine fiction! 1, for one, was out 
there in the darkness with Julia, vasting 


the night wind, the shadowles fields 
around me, waiting for Oakes. And the 
story ended exactly where it should have 
ended. Congratulations and keep the 
Beaumonts coming. 
Frank Edwards 
Westchester, Calif. 


4 motion picture producer hs taken 
an option of "The Hunger" and three 
hel Beaumont storie to he fined t. 
ether ts [eate length за. Next 
fuk, river. presen om orginal 
Chiles Booumont story so иней on. 
ker men's magne actualy bought 
Jl but wos араб o print i 


FEMALES BY COLE 

пе magazin, indeed su 
perior to the original sophisticated men's 
magazine of the thirties that has since 
deteriorated into a male Vogue. The 
“Ribald Classics” are great and tbe John 
Held, Jr. woodcuts wonderful. T par. 
ticularly enjoy the “Females by Cole." 
This series 1s in a dass of its own and 
one of Ше most entertaining features 
Tee ever seen in a magazine. 

1 wish you could realize the pleasure 
uk Pastor Spread In y ino 
circle. 1 buy it on a cooperative basis 
with an associate, our wives read each 
sut. hen we bring it to work where 
it is ansiously awaited as the favorite 
library” piece. 


John Russell Owen 
Hollywood, California 


Will you ever publish Jack Coles * 
males" in book form or perhaps all in. 
one issue? They're great. The single 
gripe 1 have with pravsov is the low 
quality of its covers, The only thing І 
сап say about them is they are distinc- 
tive 


William Roder 
Camarillo, California. 


CONSIDER THE CRAB 
We read with interest your. 
the April = 


article 
on o 


ae sending you, express prepa 
of cur Мона sealed fea crab. 
Tct. We want you to try this meat in 
tome of your favorite Mario recipes and 
let's know how much you enjoy same. 
es Coin 
yrs Inc 
Сівой, Maryland 
Thanks. I was delicious. 


HEINRICH KLEY 

T particularly enjoyed your feature on 
artist Heinrich Kley in February's issue. 
T have seen his work before, but never 


been able to find a collection for sale, 
though 1 understand such а book does 
exist 1 would be grateful if you could 
tell me where I might acquire such a 
collection, 


L S. вашег 

Апа Arbor, Michigan 

A hardcover collection of Kley's draw 

ings is published by the Borden Publish. 

ing Со, 3077 Wabash dve., Lox Angeles, 
California. 


PLAYBOY AT SEA 
Our ship is, beyond a doubt, 99 and 
44) 1000; pure rvuov fans and TIL 
bet there sre hundreds of other ships 
that can make the same statement, 
Richard J. Nicholson, От 
USS. Dionysus 
c/o EPO, New York, New York 


PLAYBOY AT COLLEGE 
We thought we at Penn, State were 
doing pretty well, going from 69 to 
14000 dene in 100 years Heil, if 
тугел can triple its “enrollment” in 
ane year, it won't be lung till it will 
be required reading at this university. 
We welt mind. honestly, i 
. Weller 
nn. State University 
University Park, Penn. 


What R. D. Boyle, Alpha Ps 
the University of Indiana said in the 
April letters column goes double here at 
Шты. They had a stack of anovs 
four feet high at the campus drug store 
this morning and Tl bet they ll be two- 
thirds gone by tomorrow. 

While the discussion on men's fashions. 
so hot in your magazine, why not go 
into campus styles a Пије. Most of your 
readers either are in or have been in 
college so such am article should be of 
interest to everyone. Keep up the good 
work, via wer is the hottest thing on 
campus. 


Bob Мува, 


Kappa Phi 
nix. Ilinois 
Urbana, Minois 


We are three college сові, but we 
enjoy your magazine just аз much as the 
men! We especially enjoy the cartoons 
and jokes. he stories ате good, too, 
but some of the conclusions leave us 
standing on “the canyon's rim.” Keep 
up the fine work! 


Sandra Berry 
Barbara Harper 
Fem facta 

of Florida 
svile, Florida 


CONTENTS FOR 
THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


THE CROOKED CORONET-Hcien MICHAEL AREN 6 
нон, PROUD mise. злу pusset м. 
YO но boat THOMAS MANO 13 
А VOTE FOR POLYGAMY ee. JAY SMITH 15 
MAN ABOUT THE BEACH pictor JACK coit 17 
A STEADY, MIGH-TYPE tt i, sert GOLO 23 
PLAYBOY'S OFFICE PLAYMATE—pletoriat - — 2. 
MISS JULY—ployboy’s playmate of the month ав 


THE OLD DOPE РЕБЕ «чении e MALCOLM 33 
THE SHORTS STORY-ire — JACK 1 KESSE зь 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—homer зе 
А SUIT FOR DAMAGES  ribeld dene — вле 40 
TEMPEST IN A C-CUP—pictriol — а. 


PLAYBOYS BAZAAR buying guide 


HUGH M. HEFNER, editor and publisher 
RAY RUSSELL, associate editor 

ARTHUR PAUL, art director 

JOSEPH PACZEK, assistant art director 
ELDON SELLERS, advertising manager 


ie а геннай wa 
E 


а Reir forens p. 0З 


CMT 
forks el ehe. Held. Te” wid. 
lan бо far p З 


vol. 2, no. 7 — july, 1955 


“For each and every time," he said, "I shall charge you one hundred pounds.” 


ILLUSTRATED BY BEN DENISON 


lady quorn had a taste for other women's men, 
and the gentleman with the broken nose disapproved. 


THE LEGEND 


CROOKED 


IF А DISAGRESANEE THING Lo say, and 
ot one to say lightly, but on a day not 
long ago a lady was accosted by a man 
in St. James's Street, 

It is true there was a slight haze, for 
it was a warm afternoon in late June, 
but on the whole the visibility was ex 
cellent. ‘Therefore the man could not 

ionably excuse himself on the ground 

he had mistaken the lady for what 

used once to be pompously called а 
“fallen woman” but is now knows 
maybe too enthusiast sa "hol 
number.” опу the 
dest and 

ould have 


he lady in q 
а person ol distinction. 
speak of her dress, for 
anyone can buy the ment esquís 
Пода. ce, 100 
‘carriage amd m 

d the student of the illustrate 


Ty v breeding. Ev 
Jans Часе, рам Lock hat shop 
he conl, as (t were. see at her heeh a 

ot dogs. horses and 


fe Student of dhe illustrated Jour 
mals, would. in point of fact. have he 

по hesitation in eco 

fu of Quis ani Ва 


hiny-fve years ol 
added to the advantages of birth, beauty 


OF THE 
CORONET 


and one of the mos distinguished mar- 
rg in England, the терде of 
eig die mor Irreproachable of ger 
comen. dhe mos brilliant of platlorm. 
speakers im the. Conservative тет, 
Od ib min extn o eene And 
She wore thee superlatives wi 

tha was at once ool and ch 


So that when, as happened several 
times during the season, she and her 
husband stood at the head of the great 


"а 

led сч 
privilege that here a lasts ln a а) 
of en origin and 


in all but 
а classical ornament 
ol the Tory раму and a lady in 
grand manner, 

Imagine therefore the audacity of the 
man who, without any introduction 
whatsoever, would thrust his vulgar 
presence upon this lady. Nor did he 
seem in the least ashamed of himself- 
On the contrary, he was as offhand as 
dammit. He neither took his hands out 
‘of his pockets, nor his hat off his head. 
Me was. in a word. extremely rude 


BY MICHAEL ARLEN 


er uo dent 
pment abreast o vigas 
vela shop. And as, even. when 
gel into, ihe deepest atra 
Ter чему bine eyes shy Tooke di 
scaly in front o her, ic Could not hil 
to Done at ance that а tal ean. haw 
tke mon had planted Мн ішікі 
aiy in (ront dp her, Therefore, sce 
Atene а к sd nove 
MA. de Moped 

Phot did Jo 


а few wind wich у 
pue 
Lee, Quorn had u very меу 
eye with animak and Ambasadore. Aud 
foll, hey quailed belore her, N 
this person Showed no sign 
ol qualing, She saw before her a ou 
аг maybe” thirty year of age 
sublet figere m a shabby ble мін of 
2 good cur and wearing the honorable 
band eid кво На 
own elt hat, which showed all the 
arbe of continuous expose. to the 
Clements over a period аб yim. м 
om v» that “на wed town br 
cured his ct eyebrow. Hie ice war 
Yong, marrow and taimed ind his oue 
which had originally been of the sme 
ener order a her am panel but 
decorative allair-had obviously been 
Haken at some time, for t now home 
pronounced. wir Side, He 
ina in ша, a reckless sort ol fl 
ms 10 gently. An 
ved wh di 


he stood plan 
Қарда 
ра, were held up by a belt, a trahi 
lantic ке she wrongly die 
Approved of in urban surroundings: 

7I hin" she said, "yon must be 
mad." And, ber eyes fickering him to 
бае side as she look a mep forward to 
ee her walk She wan esed 

aim by a really astounding happening: 
For the mman had actully dared o prod 

s arm sharply. With his 
Her anger was such that for a momen 
she Jen quite dury. But she did not 

make а xene in S James 


PLAYBOY 


thrillers, of Clubland. 
"Go," she said, "before 1 have to call 


iter hadn't belore you've heard 
what 1 have to say 
"There was something во infuriating vo 
ee 
tous assurance of manner that, almost 
forgetting her lifelong habit ol restraint 
het inferior, she thought for an 
instant of slapping his fce 
"Do you know she said idly, "who 


Iani" 
"I couldn't care les" said the have 

like man, "if you were Queen of the 

May. Now be а good girl, Lady Quorn, 

and uy to be semibl for a change. T 

ат not picking you шр 

бац me up?” gasped Lady Quom 

“You remind me of my aunt 
the man coldly. "I am not pi 
up because | think you are а nice 
looking piece but because І want to 
talk business with you. To make myself 
а lide clearer І shall add two names: 
Рату and Diana" 10 

We have to respect Lady Quorn. Any 
other woman might very well have 
looked frightened, but her eyes ex 
pressed only a profound distaste for the 
Company in which she found herself. 
‘Thus gentlewomen, they tell us, once 
went 10 the guillotine. 

“То think,” she said, "that a man who 
was at the same school as my husband 
could be such a cal." 

“This is hardly the time” said the 
hawhlike man, "in which to discuss the 
faults of the public school system. Would 
you rather I put my business to you here 
in St. James Street. Lady ы ог 
shall we take a taxi and have a jolly ride 
around the Park?" 

‘We have to go on handing it to Lady 
Quorn. Never in her life had she been 
talked to in this way. There was some 

so utterly detestable about this 
Jean and contemptuous stranger that she 
felt quite gy with loathing” Bur there 
was something more than loathing, too. 
‘The man's manner made her-her-al 
ost uncertain of herself. Aud, for рег 
ips ће first time in her life, she felt a 
twinge of fear. 

DE ва гиа 

"Without gloves, Lady Quorn.’ 

She measured him with cold 

"You may,” she said, "call а taxi 

me congratulate you; maid the 
Һа е man. en are a brave wom 


^L can see nothing brave,” said Sheila 
Quorn, "in getting into a taxi with a 
worm: 


In the taxi she sat very upright in ber. 
comer. Her heart was beating fast, but 
you never would have known it. The 
man, lounging in his comer with his 
arms смей on his chest, had the 
audacity to put up his feet on one of the. 
litle scan. Twiddling the toe of one 
shoe thus prominendy displayed—a fid- 
geting habit which reminded her of her 
husband in his most irritating moods— 
he said: 

"You will be glad to hear, Lady 


Quom, that I have not really had much 
experience of blackmailing s. for 
І am by preference a burglar, as my 
father was before me and my brother is 
now. 
а а аа een 
"your charming father caught?" 

ede he went bankrupt, a fate 10 
which all bankers are liable, and one 
fear, my brother, who is a 
Il not escape lor long. Now І 
daresay, Lady Quorn, you are eager to 
know why you are being blackmailed. 1 
shall tell you. You are one of the 
greatest ladies in England. You are ad: 
mired and respected. To a great папе 
you have added a high reputation as an 
arbitress of society and a leader of fash: 
ion. You are а cherished ornament of 
the Tory party, You are the idol of the 
respectable in society and the envy of 
those who have been found out. Am I 
right. Lady Quorn?” 

‘She shivered a litte, though the after: 
noon was quite close. 

"You are,” she said, "the most horrible 
man I have ever met.” 

‘On the contrary, madam, 1 am an 
idealist as you will see. In seeking to 
improve the structure of society, itis my 
mission in life to look behind the surface 


of dings I seck, probe and pierce. T 


penetrate. And then, Lady Quom, Т 
Veit 

"Now this has led to some 
startling and unbecoming results in your 


case, For what did I see when 1 unveiled 
yout Lady Quorn, I was shocked. 

“For 1 sew that jou мете Dame 
Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde. Marble without, 
jou were day within. Behind your un- 
Asailable reputation, you live another 
life. Upheld by your high position, 
Lady Quorn, my researches led me to thc. 
conclusion that on your real character 
jou wore all the earmarks of а pretty 
hoc number, Madam. we English arc 
snobs, but we are also Puritans We 
revere our traditions, we fawn upon our 
betters-but God help them, madam, if 
they wear their coronets crooked іп pub 
lic places. 

"You permit men to fall in love with 
‚ou. That is not a crime, of course. 
But you invariably pick on other wom- 
en's men, and that is a diny trick. Have 
1 your attention? You are a very secret 
and a very discreet woman, Lady Quorn, 
зо no onc knows of your amorous ad 
ventures. Though по doubt some of 
Your lends suspect something of the 
ind and admire you for getting away 


Now it would be easy for me 10 
share this admiration, for Uam as partial 
as the next wan to a beautiful woman, 
if you were not at heart cold, self, 
greedy and cruel. Сопеа me if I am 
wrong, Lady Quorn, as I may well be, 
for Tam very sentimental. For you a 
man is an amusement for a few weeks, 


er a few months. To you it doesn’t mat. 
ter that these w young men have 
broken off with their Bancées or wives 


because you have become the great 

sion of their lives. Be 
“Let us face the facts. You are beauti 

ful. You are passionate. You are fa- 


mous. Thus you obsess men, for they are 
snobs and idiots. And since each one 
thinks he is the first and only man for 
love of whom you have been unfaithful 
to your husband, each has kept your 
mame secret from his wife or his sweet- 
heart. Besides, your reputation stands 
зо very high as а pillar of the conven. 
tions and a president of committees that 
а young man who spoke of you with any 
familiarity would be put down as а cad 
boaster, 

‘AL а ball recently you took quite a 
fancy to а presentable young man called 
Hany Something. He is engaged to be 
married to а very pretty but not very 
wise young girl called Diana Something, 
Hany knows quite а bit about hones 
so you asked him down to Eves Park to. 
have a look at your hunter-not on a 
stowded weekend but on a weekday, He 
approved of your horses so thorough! 
db he ina hot been able чо give 4 
thought to Diana since, In fact, I fancy 
he has already broken off the engage- 
ment. 

ow my expenses in making these 
momentous enquiries into your private 
life have been very considerable, Lady 
Quorn. But I am not a greedy man, 
So І am going to ask you to promise me 
to win my approval in the future by 

ing a good girl. 

"Let me give you a few pointers as to 
bow to go about it. If in the future you 
have to have affairs at all, Lady Quom, 
you will choose only unattached men 
‘whose passion for you will bring no un- 
happiness to anyone but themselves. But 
if you continue to have secret meetings 
with young men like Harry, if you con- 
tinue to ask young Bruce down to Eves 
Park without his wife, if in short, you 
continue indulging in monkey business 
it will cost you, Lady Quorn, one hun- 
dred pounds a crack. 

“Let me wake пукі! clear. For each 
amd every time that І suspect you on 
food grounds vf having given away 10 
¿mid man, 1 shall change you the sum 
‘of one hundred pounds. 10 is on record, 
after all, that married men have paid 
much more than that for what is, 1 be- 
lieve, known as “fun! or a ‘nice change’ 
зо why, in these days of equality lor 
women, shouldn't you pay too? 

“I need hardly say that il you don't 
1 shall make it my business to see that 
the offended party, th 
fiancée, is given а good 
‘good hints as to the identity of the inter- 
dener. 


short, Lady Quorn, you continue 
ing in monkey business with other 
peoples property and 1 shall consider 
ıt my duty to throw а monkey-wrench 
into your reputation." 

‘The vni vas now on the bridge over 
the Serpentine for the second time. 
Glancing at Lady Quorn's cold, severe 
amd very lovely profile, the hawklike 
man might have thought she had not 
heard a word he had said if he had not 
also noted—rudely leaning forward to do. 
s0—the steely brightness of her Ы 


PLAYBOY 


10 


She said: "And ger out.” 

He did so. [t was as though she had 
no knowledge whatsoever of his exist- 
ence. He stood with one foot on the 


Gub and the other on the running 
at her. She 


lier of the Streets" 
more than ever hawklike when he 
smiled. "And sometimes by much shorter 
names than that. I hope,” he added, 


that you will give the most careful con- 
sideration to what I have sai 
She smiled very faintly, never glancing 


ac hin, 
hall not forget you," said Lady 


Quom. га 


"The man who was sometimes called 
by much sorter names than the Cavalier 
e] te Sree wa nt apd. that 
fight по And e tapped on the 
"lias. ie had ined in en 
Tentaurant in Greek Street and was walk 
ing down Shaftesbury Avenue, He had 
oi gone far when he realized that he 
Sas Being followed by a heciy-ooking 
man in а bower hat. Не therefore 


stopped on the curb at Piccadilly Circus 
to let the beefy man catch up with him. 
He sood as though bemused by the 
tender silhouette of Eros against the 
bright winking lights of the advertise- 


"Mister Wagstalk 
an absendy, "Look at that” 

"Look at what? 
“The quiet and tender figure of Eros. 
He is the sinallest and the quietest figure 
n sight, but he is more powerful than 
us all. Even the worst of us, from a 
im-looking chap like me to a really 
vandscine bloke like you, Inspector. have 
ке time or another been winged by 


Mim 
“абі do. suid the Inspector 
“Then you don't want me to tll you 

it my ove ме“ 
No, T don't. F want to tlk to you 
I you clear your throat,” said the 
ke wen “and take a deep breath, 
tenen why yos sour 
ма menage lor you, my ld" 
s Ihe Taper | unt 
“So this a a nab 
рту one are pou 
"When 1 begin expecting intelligence 
о а дас, Bulcose TH take to 


solving crow words for a living! 
WIL be in prison first, my lod. 
me to spill my message here or 


ме go to some quiet place 
1 have never,” said the Cavalier of 
the Streets, “refused a drink in my life.” 

They went into a big crowded place 
nearby where many artists and journal- 
ists sat around tables drinking steins of 
beer in between talking about themselves 
and thinking about each other, Detec 
tiveInspector Bulrose took a dee 
aranghi from his gls lone addrcsing 
his companion. 

"Now look here. Wagstalfe, you're in 
trouble. And you look like being i 


mote tone” 
“Take a look at my figure, Віт: 
-Whats your gure got to do with i 
“Only tat ic» trouble that keeps me 
thin. What about some more bee 
ou jus sen vo me fs said Bul 
rc his in sra о. you Hom 
Superintendent Crust And he had it 
tram somconc higher up. maybe бот 
— біледі, O uu аа 
see what trouble you are in. Superinen, 
dent says hes sick to death of you, and 
V he ean any more corplino about 
a Digte citing met he Coler ol 
с са hes going to jug You. And 
he means it, маме M he cart pall 
You in for something you've done, he's 
Fong wo frame you lor something you 


Haven't. So behave younell Superin- 
tendent told ne to say that in spite of 
Knowing you're an incorrigible crook 


he's got quite a warm spot for you be 

se of the help you've given us in 
some cases, But you've got 10 drop 
irritating and molesting people with this 
Cavalier of the Streets stuff. Why, only 
two weeks ago jou bad the cheek е 


са: 
ary bah to wach away her мох 
“oat beter Wink of your own. 
Mister арабе, Weve never caught 
you with the mu jet but you cart 
Zet amay with i eva tme: Now jou 
Feen, my lad. Superintendent says hat 
if you know what good for Jou youl 
take a nice long 3 ie. 1 
"lont know what youve been up to t- 
day. tut Superintendent said thatthe 
аніс was as mad за hell =" 
he аа man grinned 
what she 


"What's that" said the Inspector ca- 
вечу. “Who's she?” ve 

‘You mind your own business, Bul 

The Cor per and 1 have got 

of the same friends in the very 

highest society, and we naturally couldn't 

cal social secrets to mere becrdlrinkers 


ot alk the bind os don 
sgl the lope 

No po ttn o me, Ne. Tell 
Superintendent Crust this from me and 
e ne hom the Спын 
reer e Ti ind my om bn 
tes and they can nnd hee Tag 
RS ther ry зар а моц І 
Mura man шае 

Sve ant Ink pct a bi. We 
darn del Ad Jade die ony der 
burglar in London. 

Ta um Tien if Dm көші 
ido zehn yu ah d me 
paper wr е 
einander demde mben all doing 

ies dene cc 
Me reper “Yo 
Wd whe Coler the 
suce dee cla. арены 
* 
mee літа аа ране A ind 
Sie per Мікі siiis wer he 


sid. getting up from the ble and take 
ing someting out of his porket, that 
ines your pocketbook, which. youll 
тесі to pay lor the beer, You must have 
roped on the foor, Good night to 
ow Нана, Give my love tothe Come 
ione, and tel him to keep ап eje 
tm bit preity daughter, The aunt she 
Ment to dine with last “Thursday night 
vore x silk hat and soc 


Now it can be seen that in Lad; 
Quorn and Beaumanoir, beauty and re- 
source were mingled in excellent meas 
ure, t was mot to the Commissioner that 
she had made a complaint about the 
Cavalier of the Streets bur to one of her 
several Iriends in the Cabinet, who had 
telephoned to the Home Secretary, who 
had telephoned to the Comisiones 
who had talked to the Asistant 
missioner, who had said a few sharp 
words to Superintendent Crust, who had 
passed ther on to Inspector Bulrose. 

Lady Quorn had not. of course, 
brought herself into the matter in any 
way, but had said that an American, 
fiend of hers, a young lady lor whom 
she had the highest respect, had recent 
been troubled a great deal by a rascal 
calling himself the Cavalier of the 
Streets. 

‘She had added that this young Ameri- 
cam lady, who belonged to one of the 
first families of Philadelphia, was far too 
shy to make any charge against the 
wretch, but that really something ought 
to be done to prevent distinguished 
foreigners in London from bein 
Tested! by gangers. And Lady Quorn 
vas of the opinion that, since so self- 
Confident a rascal must in the past have 
frequently broken the law, the p 
should make every effort to protect the 
amenities of London by speed 
him guil 


Her influential Iriend in the Cabinet 
whose thouphis about Lady Quorn 
XE ave ава the Апр of 
Canterbury, was able to assure Lady 
Quom that everything posible would 
be done and that the young lady Irom 
Philadelphia would no longer be mo 
lested. 

Mut Superintendent Crust did not take 
‚he same comforting view. In the course 
Ol the next {ew days the poor man was 
allied with several headaches directly 
attributable to Mr. Wagstalle, whom he 


called by names very much shorter than 
the Cavalier of the Streets, 

But Crust knew his business, and he 
therefore assured the Commisioner who 


Sure the Home Secretary, who mire 
ihe Ina member o he Caine 
tio measured Lady Quom, who pre 
Sally secured the Joan Id Hom. 
Philadelphia, that there vas nothing fu 
ther to worry about 

So bow a week Jue Lady Quon 
wo» disngrecably surprised when one 
Temmen her buter informed her that 
genera had called 10 see her by aP 
bene 


(continued on раце 22) 


Jou, too, can write 


a breast-seller 


THERE’S GOLD 
in them 

HIGH, 
PROUD HILLS 


satire 
By RAY RUSSELL 


тыз FACE THAT vou have never before 
| rien a word for publication should 
not deter you from being the author ofa 
ba ine money making ` historical 
novel. It may, in fact, be an advantage, 
In these times, when anybody can be 
a Real Oil Painter by simply Hling in 
Certain numbered arcas, "the literary 
masc bas become а distinctly available 
girl. She'll hover around snyone—even 
Geil you know a lew wis of the 
trade, Here are those tricks 
| __А hero is your first requirement, His 
" y should be endurance, 
eling ordeals 
ro ltt sexually 
d will require two 
one (laxen hired) 
Sete eech 1 
то euer deren be 
them, They are equally такаш 
equally ravahed. Their clothes are po 
пей ame place. Hoth 
proud breasts of 
urements, (Note 
Al 
most all historical breasts are high and 
proud. The o 7 
Бов "м 
varieties а 
| Шиве. Later, when you've mastered the 
fundamentals, you ria) want to exper 
ment with such sensual swank as "Her. 
baue breast were like newly ripened 
Apples, swollen with rich juices roy 
with life and pearled with the finc glist 
ening dew of loves awakening” hie 
sort of thing is especially useful when 
You're being paid by the word. For the 
present, however, “high” and “proud — ji 


sarados. type 
Food 


PLAYBOY 


12 


will serve you in good stend) 
Yos will need а villain. He should be 

the cold, inelecual type, That this 
{old intellectual j capable of harboring 
healthy hunger lor the high. proud 
Treas of he “good” girl may seem like 
faulty characterization at frat glance, but 
itin One of the lile feictes of ше hi 
torical novel, one of the charming con 
ventions that readers have come to ск 
pete lends a certam рее to Ше 
(спел pora at gour st 
ave no good qualities. Making him 

mus nce, is the а of 
Careless Writing ome incompetent move 
rounding out the 

nly соли, the 


readers. "They may get him mixed up 
with your hero. No, your villain must 
«а through and through. And eta 
Devine а 


While his mother is being 
This will g 
across admirably. 

Thee, then, are your má 
Subordinates, such as righthand me 
Confdantes, ВИНЫ slaves, wives. hus 
Bands and other helots are purely utili 
tarian. Make up a batch and keep them 
on hand for those odd moments when 
our main characters need someone (о 
Ak vo or w hold the ladder while they 
escape from the villain’s lair. After usc 
they may easily be discarded, like 
Kleenex. A stray arrow or bullet wi 
get them out of your way in one зет 

"The rich, high 
historical nov 


flown language of the 
nay seem unattainable 
10 you, but this is nonsense. Write in 
any style you wish, but be sure to 
Sprinkle it liberally with such accepted 
Cxpresions as Ods Lodkins, “Swounds, 
Hey nanny пену, Nom de nom, and By 
the beard of the Prophet. You will ind 
the more wellheeled of your characters 
ig money with a reckless hand 
ions such as kopecks, crowns, 
drachmae, kronen, pieces of eight, etc, 
Sound very good im these substance 
squandering scenes. When in doubt, 
however, simply say “a purse of gold” 
historical novels come and go 
oL literary fashion. At one 
time, the French Revolution was all the 
Tue The Old South was another a 
ote. Both have had their day. For 
jour first novel, it will be best to choose 
An ern and locale about which iule is 
nown, such as Tenth Century Latvia. 
"This will allow you that much-needed 
freedom of expression so necessary to 
yous development There will be lew 
hard facts to obstruct your lights of 
fancy. 

For the sume remon, never use же 
known figures of history as jour mai 
characters. Make them up out of whol 

h. But your novel will be rendered 

ore authentic if you occasionally 

ur readers to The Dum de Dum 
Here's how it works 


*4 handy glossary ој French terms 
таў be obtained by sending one dollar 
10 the author of this article 


Your hero is a colonel in the French 
amy. He is in the midst of the fray, 
Gannon are booming, men are dying all 
round him. Suddenly, out of the me 
ike appears a young sub licutenant bear 
ing 4 dispatch for your hero. He reads 
it irs goed news. Turning to the pant 
. bulestained memenger. he says, 
"You must have run swiftly, soldat" 
‘Only five miles” pulls the sublicu 
int in five minutes, mon colonel.” 
ood lad!” beams your hero. “You'll 
go far. What is your name?" 
Bonaparte, sr.” 
The reader can almost hear the por 
temows dum-dedum-dum of destiny 
Your title is very important. Give it 
plenty of thought.” Remember. the lm 
Industry пау pay you several dee 
dollars for the rights to your novel, and 
But the title. So it 
Eo such vis as How 
Му Cleavage, Rape the Wild 
ы West Blows the Wind for Pas 
on. The Oleander Codpiece, The Bus 
kin Doublet, The Doublet Buskin. No- 
Боду knows what a doublet or buskin is 
But 1t sounds real historical 
We come now to The Plot. This is 
simplicity df. Plots are everywhere. 
In libraries, for insance. Dont let 
bourgeois morality Мода jou from 
making an artistic selection from all the 
best plots Alter all, Shakespeare bor- 
Towel freely from other writers: why 
Shoulda’t you? ОГ course, theres a cer 
tain knack to appropriating the plots of 
"hers and a beginner, by noc digi 
his borrowings deft} enough, may fin 
himself face 10 face with the attorneys 
of Thomas Costain. Frank Yerby, Ross 
mond Marshall, or all three. So it may 
be wiser to think up your own plots just 
2t the vor. And bee we Бале a 
Very encouraging thing. Historial nov 
Cis don't hare plots. “They're more like 
travelogues, They will open im. say 
England where the hero falls im lorc 
wäh sweet, faxen haired Lady Cecily, 
thus incurring the wrath of her uncle, 
Тога Roderick Biggerstafle. This rascal 
is secretly lusting after Cecily himsel, o 
he has the hero exiled to the coasts of 
High Barbary on a trumpedup change 
of poaching. whilst he (Lord Roderick) 
fleetully gets out the warming pan and 
prepares his bed for the fair body of 
ішікеш Cecily. The hero (usually 
called Jeremy) i captured by pirates and 
Sold to an Arab slave trader, who in шт 
п to Fatima, heartless but beau 
raghter of the local Shah, (Fa 
the "Lad" girl of the novel and 
well as der 
суб, a velvety voice and on exposed 
¢1) In the course of the action, she 
expones more than her navel, but Jeremy 
declares himself the property ol Cecily 
‘hs piques Ғайша who has him 
cs over a vat of boiling 
Stark naked This changes Jeremy's 
Whale concept of fidelity. А chapter of 
unabashed lasiviousness ensues. (Mean 
while. in England, the unsuspecting 
Cecily is getting dangerously close 10 
Yodericke trundle bed) 


When nest we see Jeremy, he is wear 
ing a turban and писали allegiance U 
M. Ths в never, ene ex 
plained, Allegiance so blam would con 
lo include drinking great quantities of 
date wine amd making several sorts ol 
Whoopee with Fatima amd aho wiih a 
esciopment name Halsah. (One 
efe збана sand dat 
aciers. Halal i a tsty save gil who 
has been mai | * 
give Fatim 
Su by Fatima and fed to the atts) 
Jeremy has undergone so thorough а 
brainwashing that hes jumping vit jo 

ver the prospect o leading the БЫ 
hordes apum the English Infidel dog 
be never wed 


respect), At the end of Ch 

Ninety Seven, Jeremy іх diligently sharp 
Sarien blade. (back in Met 

md. lh hodice is already 

askew, baring her high, pro 

Ihr fui ro ека o the 

аа) 

Wat! Shouting heathen oaths, Jeremy 
arte a blood path thong the Anglo 
Saxon lih ot the valiant Crusaders. 

с ol these e Benjy. a subordinate 
Character who uscd to be Jeremy coso 
Hen As he s dying, 

of the impending invasion ot 

by Lord Roderick. This in 
парење ix ke a dash of cold water to 
Jeremy clastic allegiance. Не turns on 
Ms ami comrades аш carves а blondy 
path through them wo the watesLont, 
Shouting Christan oaths. There he 
schan ship bound 

he нама to an 


Benjy tells 


dh hikes а donkey ride to the coast of 
France. swims the channel, and arrives at 
Lord Roderick’s castle ко find that black 
guard calmly munching grapes while 
Sweet Cecily hangs by her toes over a 
var of boiling oil, stark naked. (This 
serves a dual purpose: it gives Cecily and 
Jeremy something in common, besides 
Reting rid of all her clothes for once) 
Jeremy is about to run his sword through 
Lord Roderick when he is stopped in his 
tracks by Cecily. "Stay your hand!" she 
cries. "Would you slay your own [nthey?* 
‘This comes as a surprise to Jeremy, И 
Roderick is his father, then Cecily 
Or is she his niece? Or first 
cousin once removed? Its all too con: 
plicated tor Jeremy (and ше reader), vo 
сеу, will naked but no longer hanging. 
by her toes, explains everything 
tailed genealogy that leaves us 
vague bur comfortable feeling that, 
though she and Jeremy are rather closely 
related, they can share the same warm 
ingpan with а clear conscience. "This 
settled, Jeremy cheerfully kills his father 
and embraces Cecily. Ehe rest is silence. 
You sce? There's nothing to it. With 
these basic precepts firmly grasped, all 
you need now is plenty of spare time, 
Some paper, and a pencil. An eraser will 
not be necessary. 


BY THOMAS MARIO 


engen Andrew Volstead and 
William Jennings Bryan were alive to 
distinc possibility they'd 

ach other with daiquiris in 
stead of pink lemonade 
‘oki hat become so fashionable, in 
act respectable, that ordinary Bowery 
bee don't go near it. Walk into any 
upholstered omis these days and ss) 
Planters Punch or Carioca or Ronrico 
on the rocks. What happens? All topers 
Within car's reach survey you {rom Bead 
10 Toot, realizing that a man Of discern 
tment and experience has arrived in their 
midst 

Jt there is a woman present, she too 
will bring her eyes into the best posible 
locus, breathe heavily and dream of 
gently swaying topic breezes, ol male 
Magnificentos on coral beaches, of cock 
fight and cocoanut palms 

‘Any young man today who has learned 
to wet his ips with something other than 
Water or weak tea knows that rum has 


Playboy's food & drink editor 


a peculiarly persas 
alle a gil Mop arguing. Becr soothes 
her. Gin dirmi her. But rum сајле 
With the very fint sip of Cuba Libre 
benign daydreams маз о verbe her 
Good things (auch as yoursell) begin 46 
look even better. It your skin be slightly 
sallow from too mich nightclubbing, 
"eres nothing to feat. With tbe mellow 
roms her m, зем a 
Quite a rich coppery glow in her eyes 
Your voice will heer richer, your lex 
lures more clasic, your wit more original. 
No one has described the effect better 
san Willian James when he philow 
чарах about alcohol: "Tx in et the 
great excier of the Yes funcion im 
fan. It brings its votary from the chil 
periphery of things to the radiant core" 
a word-and no other word- rums 
Bur it wasn’t always like this 
ike it, in fact 
ón Rum was once looked upon as 
the foulest kind of giddy water. Tem 


fect. Whiskey 


perance leaders loved 10 see line draw: 
Ings of themselves, ax in one hand and 
a boule of rum in the other, The very 
word rum was so derisive that it was 
used to describe any form of liquid evil 
Drunks were called rum soaks, rum 
hounds or rum pots even though the 
sodden crew had to be content with lini 
ment. needle beer and hair oil 

During prohibition, rum runners car 
ried anything from cognac to curacao, 
and only infrequently were honored 
with a cargo of pure Bacardi on board. 
Мон of the bobilegger who operated 
rum row couldn't tell the difference be 
iwecn a swig of Demarara rum and the 
Pouom of а molasses bare, 

What has happened, then, to trans 
form the amber набот of cane sugar 
from belly wash to bottled in-bond? 

It all began in 1492 when Columbus 
discovered Puerto Rico, planted sugar 
‘ane and appointed Ponce de Leon as 
governor of the island. Not long after- 


13 


PLAYBOY 


14 


wand. someone revealed that the dark 
тама which was a by product o cane 
juice and the magnificent mountain wa 
ter of Puerto Rico were tbe elemento of 
а new Iragrant brandy. 
; One cat undentand ow the lnc 
Spanish governor no knowing how many 
years were Ici and sting lor the fin 
the great bowl of Bombo fc us 
load tingle, his desire rise and. like any 
«re nan. dreamt he mont inevitable 
in che world, the dream of a 
‘of youth 
ian to iow from all the islands 
Wr In 


Morgan cured of sweet 
Ao Europe where i was lord ar 
at became so valuable that it 
wc ie pace of money became ie 
irren Ча the rapidly growing 
pide between the new world and M 
When the. British tried o monopolize 
the rum and omes trade by forcing 
Americana tà buy only from British por 
«саваў xd nex Kom French or Spartak: 


the bitter resentment was a prime cause 
of the rican revolution. і» 
in colonial America, hardy seule 


adopta rum as one ol the mainstays of 
ih lc. Laws. required that every 
town should have its tavern. New Eng. 
Hand manufactured rum and the mighty 
Fiver grew until the average American 
in ‚preserolutionang days drank four 
illom of rum a year. Today his lon 
Hardy descendant drinks a mere one and 
a quater gallons of hard liqua. 
Englishmen called the drink “rum 
mig a great 
iss prefered 


tumult. But ordin: 
10 call it simply killdevil. 
To many frontiersmen it was both 
food and drink, Colonel William Byrd, 
ing from the Virginia boundary li 
1789. tells how "They fryd half a 
doven rushers of very fat bacon in а pint 
of rum, but which being disht up to 


gether servi. the company at once for 


und drink” 
Compared with modern day rum. the 
А sookus juice was 4 vile bever 
e medicine for il 
d the esh. Joh 
Tesciyn described "he good remedia 
падине, "For falling olf the hair ос 
aoned by the coolness of the climate 
and to make it curly, take of the strong 
er cold Rhum and wash or bathe 
Jour hend therewith. ан adorable 
George Washington, who loved oys 
den and dancing and women, abo under 
awd the value of rim. He was never 
iion a hogshead of Tum, a hopibcad 
of mio Mine Time mare nd 
Saler staples ol 2 well run private har. 
Tn his public ie, Washington was jot 
as mindful ol the value of rum. Run 
hing for the Virginia House of Burgess, 
Wishinglon каз unable t» campaign. 
But showed Bs magoanimity and 
miandhip by hapensing seventy hve 
‘ol rum anong the voters of hs dis 
just belore election timc. 
Almost any young man who has passe 
freshman history knows that when Paul 
Revere set out on his ride he was not 
so determined чо "spread the alui 


through every Middlesex village and 
farm as the famous poem would have 
us believe. His real mision was to warn 
Hancock and Adams to get out before 
the British arrested thera. In the course 
of his journey. however, he visited Isaac 
Hall, proprietor ol a rum distillery. Hall 
gave Revere some healthy swigs of Med 
ford sum. Only then did Revcre's vocal 
cords become galvanized and did he dash 
rough the “countryside broadcasting 
his famous alan. 

During the Revolutionary War, Amer 
ican заст like their cousin in the 
British avy. wore given а daily allow. 
ance of rum. For a society that tolerated 
bundling, the daily swig of rum was the 

lest kind of indulgence 

When Americans learned to make 
euge dub a 
wk scat, Although whiskey making 
жаз started as carly as 1790 in Bourbon. 
County. Kentucky, rum remained the 
King ol the wild frontier for at leas ley 
years more. Eventually, wherever there 
was a settlement of thirty or forty la 
is a community stil would De et up. 
Farmers wech brought their rye grain 
to the public sill, and liquor was made 
for them. Tt was this practice which 
forced rum to take a back seat from 
which it is only now moving up. 

After repeal, rum was presented in 
such rattle belly concoctions as the Zom 
bie and the Eye Opener, a weird medley 
dirum. og pls absinthe and curacao: 

juring World War II. whis 
forced up rum sales, but the quality of 
the rum was spotty and undependable. 

Since the war, however, rum has 
joined the elite company of the nca 
brands, Scotches and American whis- 
Kies. Threeourths of the rum we drink 
today comes from Puerto Rico where an 
oligarchy of oldtime distillers take more 

de in their rum formulas than a 

fentucky colonel takes im his bel ol 

at leaves. Warehouses in which the 
rum is kept for aging are patrolled da 
d night hy armed government guarde 
The lock to each warchou contains 
тео keyholes. one for the owner and one 
for the government guard, so that neither 
can tamper with the golden distillate, 

A government pilot house, part of the 

muero Ri E 
h program 10 raise rum stand: 
stead of merely rolling rom over 
ihe back ol the tongue, white robed 
Semüss use tet tubes and spectro 
copes to judge exch minute stage in іш 
distillation 

Not а drop of rum now 
isand unless it is bottled and scaled 

der goverment supervision. Мом 
Puerto Rican rums are aged an average 
of six years. A few years apo, any 
Sophisticated bar Ay could argue that 
Cuban mum was immeasurably better 
than the Puerto Rican variety. Today 
this is mot the case at all, 
self imposed discipline of the 
¡can distillers has bad a terrific 
‘effect on rum sales. Rum is not a cheap 
liquor when you consider that most ol 

enters the country duty free. 
the Last eight years, rum drink. 
ing in the U. S. rose almost а million 
gallons annually. 3 gain of 49%, com. 


ies the 


pared with a mere 4%, gain in the con- 
Bein «і ll ded spirits The 
"quisi төле the fourth sot popular 
cocktail served at bars ДЫ 

Because Puerto Rican sights have been 
set so high and because Pucno Rican 
Tum enters the U, S, duty free, other 
famous distilleries have moved to the 
island. Bacardi, for instance, whith was 
originally manufactured only in Cuba, 
Wow tums out а magnificent rum in 
Puerto Kio. Even Meyers producers 
ofthe famous Jamaica rum and the own. 
en ol Govermiment House Rum from the 
Vario Hands hase moved imo Puerto 

There are three main types of num 
First there is the light dry rum, excellent 
ava straight drink іп cocktails, None 
Ы the әжесінен of the sugar cane DY- 
products remain in dh 
th a a age 

н there ia the golden type of rum, 
darker in color and somewhat heavier 
in bady, weil sited for tal drinks 
Finally there is the dark heavy Jamaica 
rum used for Plates Punch and for 
favoring other rum drinks as well as 
teed ae 4, dark rum ol 190 
prooi, is use only by the spoonful to 
Be mod with бе or ara topping 
for the lunatic drink km 
Zombie, Rum from 
Arad. is practically 
coun. 

Tight dry rum can be used in almost 
any standard drink calling lor whiskey- 
You Gin make a rum manhattan or im 
cid one or rum nd zoda by spy 
Substituting. Tight rum for the usual 
Whiskey. Een fum and tonic as caught 
fon as a delightful summer drink 

For the boys who are conscious of the 
ft that p e seventh month of 
the year and normally bean a ston 
resmblance to Hades, млувоу presente 
the following ber keel cold Summer 
rum drinks, 

Fist we offer the "Torridora cocktail 
designed especially for young ladies with 
2 еру tanned complexion, who don't 
SCH прави and who ove lenge 
XL flagstone patios sipping а cream 
ът "potion. М. y 


m as the 


"EE 
ox. jigger Tight run 
on cie liqueur 

sweet cream 
the rum, coffee liqueur 
into a cocktail shaker 
Crushed ісе. Shake very well. Pour 
5 chilled cocktail glas. 

Recently, the United Kingdom Bar 
tenders Guild conducted a cocktail con- 
ist among its member. Firs prize, 
$10,000, went to the orpinavor of a drink 
Called Frosty Dawn, The drink requires 
Falernum, a rum liqueur with an al 

avor. Falernum is commonly used 
in the Carribean, but is somewhat scarce. 
in this county. 


FROSIY DAWN COCKTAIL 

144 ox. light rum 

Ve or. Falermum 

И oz maraschino liqueur. 

Vor. orange juice 

Shake all ingredients with erushed ice. 
(concluded on page #8) 


article BY JAY SMITH 


A VOTE FOR POLYGAMY 


Mi; о i tang on кіше 
Tanger 
Another hundred years, the demo 
raphers say. With the aid of the ane 
des and Ceriol same of us may 
cie 
The denographere (you fellows at 
MET, know sho (hey are) say that if 
resent climatic curl. amd popula 
Бов trends continue, mankind may be 
forced vo азанап monogamy and те 
lo an older and more practical form 
sex organirtien polygamy, or 
у о іс елисе 
And he psychiatry are adding that i 
apres loq em m far ae they are 
concer te by nature poly 
sos” ys Dr. Louis Berg, "and theres 
o point any longer im deluding our 
Ses that he anything ehe 
Mauer of ас monogamy is nothing 
relations a Kind of eram 
hy some fanatical barbaria 
wien Mey were 
ver the 


d Juden 
Sen e ok ve down Sau but it 
"idt pul down very deep roots in either 
of tha Габ and as since been laugh 


ingly rejected by Mohammedans, Bud. 
hiss, and residents of Southern Califor 
nia As recently as 1675 the English 


thought seriously of ditching it, a bill 
being introduced into Parliament in 
that year to repeal the Act ol hing 
James. which male it a felony to marry 
A second husband or wife if the first was 
sill living. "Опе Horse, Bull, or Ram 


having cach of then 
promote increase 

ot Repeal 
Repeal 


But 


La quack doctor who spouted 
some nonsense about polygamy 
10 a decrease in man’s "genital liquor 


the one-wife system is for the birds 


“The end of the ignoble experiment in 
monogamy тау We near, ihe. demog 
raphets sy. fe the following reasons 
T There are too many women ін the 
5 
“There are two millon nere women of 
marriageable age im the United States 
today than there are men ol similar age 
Anybody whr thinks thee ewo malen 
heathy. redblooded. young American 
ome are going to Let on deci зе 
epang a spem that орава cla, 
lnea, and лек solely pour zapor 
of some carciee bachelor or philander. 
ing martc man ar their neato and 
il Jo, ought bo Fave hla cranium 
Checked wiih a Geiger counter 
is bad in the Ubitel States, but ite 
wone ehewhore In vardepleted Europe 
the gir are advertising Openly іп the 
newspaper for ret. any ife oe condi 
far any Kind o a relationship і 


nent shacküp 
wedding bells prewar populatior 
was 1,338,736; today it's 3,199, 

lon boasted 4.013.100 citizens 
before the Шіш as over 
oday. ВОН nf this de. 
In Rhodesia there are 
n than men. This can't 
right 


Grease is male 
10*;, morc wi 


и has to be stabil 


Tt was Malthus who pointed out the 
relation of population to the available 
food supply, and modern demographers 
say that we are getting into a danger 

where the alwaysdelicate balance 


when the manoga 
barians erupted from the "Northern 


hive” to inundate the Roman empire. 
Oddly enough, the experts say, it is 
under moncgamy that "population ex 

Str polygamy (we'l use the 
crnacular) tends to diminish population 
growth, They point to Turkey and 
China as illustrations: for centuries the 
Turks were comfortably polygamous us 
der ihe mandate of Mahomet that every 
qp could have fur wives (provided he 
had enough stamina to make a weekly 
visit to each), while the Chinese were 
limited by extreme poverty to monog 
amy. Under polygamy the population 
ol Turkey remained stable, never out- 
Stripping the food supply. But the pov- 
Srıyaricken, monogamous Chinese ex 
ploded to hell and gone, gobbling up the 
food and filing the canals wich the 
bodies ol unwanted babies 

lt was the French essayist and demog- 
rapher Montesquieu who first pointed 
‘out that polygamy works against popu. 

y placing the husband 
n ol "un athlete destiné à 
combattre sans relâche,” whose ex 
keep his virility low. Moreover. poly 
employing numbers of eunuchs and 
de servants, withdraws a lange per 
i. And it is obvious that a hus 
band making a single weckly visit to each 
of six wives is unlikely to achieve the 
procrcational output of six husbands 
tonstanily on thé job with an equal 
number of women. 

3. A moderating climate is diminish 
ing the inhibitions of cold calher Puri 
tan morality 

Good old Montesquieu, also noticed 
the connection between climate and t 
Social institutions of mankind. There is 
Title Puritanisra in the warm, lovely iles 
‘of the South Pacific the Trobriand 
andere for instant, are comple 
and joyously polygamous, and anthro. 
роўна der are she happiest, best 


18 


PLAYBOY 


18 


integrated people in the world, without 
VV 
that afflict the inhabitants of colder and 
more monogamous climes. These natives 
even converted the [rozer-faced mision- 
aries to their idyllic way of life, trans 
forming the frst sober soulsavers to 
invade their atolls into relaxed, happy, 
drunken polygamists. Today the elle 
of climate on sexual custome can be ob. 
served in Southern California, where a 
system of pseudo polygamy Wourihes 
quite openly all the мау from Twenty 
Nine Palms to Point Loma 

“The ginimick here is that the climate 
‘of North America is definitely moderat- 
ing. In Montreal, subzero temperatures 
have been only half as cominon in recent 
jean as they were at the end of the Nine- 
teenth Century. The mean temperature 
for March has risen nearly four degrees. 
“The mowfall, which averaged 150 inches 
in the 1880's, now averages only 80 inches 

year. Boston, Washington, and other 

Eis Coast cities report comparable 
changes in climate. Weather expera ay 
that the process ol amelioration will con- 
tinue because the jet stream that undu- 
ates around the earth five to eight miles 
up has changed its course and ік now 
pulling warm topical sir (and hurri- 
Eanes) up the East Coast. In time Long 
Island should have about the same di. 
mate as Cuba, With а lot of Americis 
surplus women living in the Northeast, 
that section of the country should be an 
Atlantic Bali in another hundred years 
‘when the trade winds have thawed 
through the native cold and relaxed the 
Puritannical tensions 

he demographer Н. Fielding cites 
вата as good illustration of the elec 
ol, dimus on sex customs, In that 

indy little country. he says, the women 
“ave te hot love and Bring of wenn 
and are "impulsive and full of passion." 
They live for love, he siya, and the 
women make the it advance. Theyre 

ol}gamous Гог the most part, and celi 
Escy le unknown. Everybody in Burma 
is in love with love, and it keeps them 
cheerful and healthy, along with the 
heroots they smoke and the betel nuts 
they chew. There is absolute equality 
between men and women, and if there is 
a weaker sex it must be the male, be 
‘use Burma is the only country in the 
World where there are more monasteries 
than munnerics "Tibet is another nice 
lile hunk of real estate, with both po- 
Jyamy and polyandry OK. 
with the government and the d 
(Budding bur es а ule coll 
bet. Tibet is more progressive, though, 
іш government hiring mediums as ad- 
visors so that the ruling Lamas know 
what's going on in both this world and 
the next. 

4. Church opposition to polygamy is 
lessening. 

It never was as strong us some people 
make out. anyway. AN of the Old Testa 
ment patriarchs were polygamous: Abra- 
ham fad Sarah and two leser wives, 
Jacob had two wives and two concubines, 
and Solomon had seven hundred wives 
and three hundred coneubi 
2:8). Havelock Ellis says tha 


ofthe world is polygamy so prevalent as 
in Chriwendom (Vol. VI. Матар), 
and the history of Christianity is fal of 
3 
ара were un 
fo were the Mormons until their rights 
Under the Fist Amendment were ont 
торе violated by the United Sates 
Supreme Court. The church has winked 
At polygamy of some ocrasions and acu 
Al suggested 1t on others: Pope C 
it, in 196 AD. ruled dhat he husband 
de physical unit for conjugal im 
teren could tale a second wie il he 
wanted one; in 1455. Pope Nicholas V 
framed Henry IV of Calle a dispensa 
tion u marry a second wife on condition 


issue by her, he should go back to his 
Signal mistake, Clement VIE proposed 
the sare solution to Henry ҮШ of Eng- 
land, but Henry lacked the guts to take 
hini up on it. At the Tambaran Сопіег. 
ence ol African Churches in 1988, polyg- 
amy was one of the chief topics of dis 
Cusion. some of the African converts 
pointing out that it was practiced by the 
ings and patriarchs of the Old Testa- 
ment and not specifically forbidden ex 
tepi for bishops and deacons in the New 
Totament-so why couldn't they have 
more than one wife? Islam, they said. 
had no such silly taboos, and was making 
a lot of beadway in Alrica. Ах a protest 
Against monogamy, which they rightly 
Te 10 view m ute bare African 
Christians are split into more than eight 
QUIE 
them practicing polygamy. And the 
House of Lords took a long step towards 
the revival of polygamy in England 
by ruling (Dec. 1, 1847) “procreation is 
i purpose of matrimony. 

le ts Dy nature vanietistic. 
ychiatrists are facing up to this 


The 
immu fact of nature today and its 
time everybody else did. Even the con- 
tervative Encyclopedia of Religion and 
Таису commenting on Chastity, observes 


‘outside the bonds of wedlock.” Kinsey, 
ol course, puts the percentage of non- 
marital sex much higher than that. Bal- 
zac, in his Meditation F, says that “each 
night should have its menu. There is a 
devouring monster that marriage should 
instantly combat; its name is habit.” lis 
almost impossible to get the variety in 
menu required by the average man from 
fone woman, although certain females 
who have made a study of such matters 
do pretty well at it. Montaigne sums it 
up in his Essays (Book 2, ch. 15) when 
he says: "1 was fain to turn out into the 
paddock an old stallion, as he was not 
io be governed when he smelt а mare; 
the facility presently sated him as ue 
wards his own, but towards strang 
mares, and the frst that passed by the 
pale of his pasture, he would again (all 
Хо his importunate neighing and his furi- 
‘ous heats as before.” 

A prominent Reno attorney told Dr. 
Louis Berg that "of 1396 divorce cases 
1 bave handled, only 201 women were 
willing plaintifs. The others were bul- 
lied, bribed, magged or coerced into 


coming here from all over the country 
by husbands who wanted the freedom 
ol cobabiting with other women." 

But of course! 

A byproduct of the restoration of po- 
Туру would be a dininution of pro- 
fessional prostitution and its accompany: 
ing evils, Under polygamy, with a man's 
natural varietism completely satisfied at 
home and for free, why should he spend 
time. energy and money on greedy har 
tong’ Under "polygamy prowituion 
might cease to be а sordid racket und 
become again what it was in the great 
days of Babylon-a fertility rite of beauty 
and meaning, The Code of Hammurabi 
permitea polygamy amd wives were 
bought in wholesale lots at public a 
tion, with the buyers permitted close 
specton of the merchandise сізге pur. 
chase, а system infinitely preferable 10 
the present piginapoke method. The 

reat historian Herodotus comments 
worably on the sacred prostitution of 
omen at the Temple of Mylitta, the 
Venus of the Babylonians. in her 
life every woman in Babylon was com- 
pelled to sit at the gates of the Temple 
DI Mylitta until chosen by a man. The 
women sat in rows, and the men walked 
up and down, making their selections 
When a man saw something that looked 
good 10 him he threw a coin in her lap 
and said "May the goddess be auspicious 
to thee.” "The couple then retired to the 
back room of the Temple, For some of 
the plainer women, Herodotus observes, 
it was a hell of a long wait, or words 10 
that effect, They sat there for years 

6. Monogamy is a flop 

We've almost given up on monogamy 
in the United Su; our divorce rate 
is about 40%. In California there are 
five marriages for every three divorces, 
In Texas, there are hve divorces lor 
Sie Me mamisges-a real bone race 

legitimacy and immigration are all 
that keep the Lone Star State on an 
even keel, Our real system is crypto 
polygamy, or underthe-counter sex за: 
iets masquerading as easy divorce. 

What do we get out of monogamy? 
Nerven thata what we get Ansty 
кака Maniedeprewion, schizophrenia 
hypertension, premature impotence, ve. 
percal disease. nnd more than two я 
Jion frigid, frustrated female shrews, Too 
many people and not enough food, 
Meanwhile the happy, healthy, welad: 
шей імама of the, Trobriand 

lands and the African jungles have lots 
of women, a nice climate, and plenty to 
eat. No television, of course, but with 
a halfdozen slocejed, bare bosomed, 
lithe-limbed, dusky sweethearts with каг. 
denias in their hair and love on their 
ıninds lolling around the hut, who needs 
John Cameron Swayze? 

With the demogtaphers and the psy- 
chiatrina sounding, the denthknell of 
e аера 

mous utopia of which all men 
Фет will be a reality. When that day 
comes, wars will cease and the earth will 
Blossom like a rose. 
We can hardly wait 


jack cole sketches some sandy samsons 


MAN ABOUT THE BEACH 


IN RECENT issues, PLAYBOY has de. Cole to the beach with instructions 
voted entirely 100 many pages to to bring back sketches of the most 
pictures of pretty girls. A man cn- interesting masculine musculature he 
Joys viewing an occasional well-built could find. It's just possible we sent 
male torso, 100: witness the popular. the wrong man. At any rate, on 
iiy of the profusely illustrated men’s the next four pages are the best of 
body building, health and strength the drawings he made, along with 
magazines So we sent artist Jack some explanatory notes by the artist. 


PLAYBOY 


| FOUND THIS PERFECT SPECIMEN FLEXIWC HIS MUSCLES NEAR THE WATER — 
MORE BULGES THAN A CHRISTMAS STOCKING — AICAWD, WHAT A CHEST! 
STATISTICS! 48% 10” 10%" (THE 48” IS PLENTY НАШУ), GENERAL 
COMMENT: PRINTING CowDITIONS PloR— BEACH VERY CROWDED — OTHER 
BATHERS KEPT CETT(AC In THE МАЎ WHILE | WAS SKETCHING, 


тік ізіме 15 ТЕРУ CORP 
w THIS А 


Br THOSE ыю пега THE SHORT, / 
CANT TH IS WELL De yet 


N 
Е MP utenti THE SEA, 


FOUND HM А BT тад Suy 
WOULDN'T EVEN PEEK AROUND! 


s THE BROADES 
NE lll ON THE BEACH, 


STATISTICS: SHOULDERS 
АЕ рам Y тоў. 


COMMENT: PAINTING CONDITIONS EVEN WORSE AT THIS 
END ор THE BEACH — Twice AS CROWDED! 


21 


PLAYBOY 


CROOKED CORONET (continued from page 10) 


said her Ladyship, "not at 


home? 

She was thinking very rapidly as the 
butler went towards бот. “Then a 
Curios smile Піскен over the lovely 
features, and what was curious about ha 
smile was that it wis at the sume time 

dish and very atractive. 

"I have changed my mind. Jolly. The 
gentleman has a twisted nose, has he 
Rd. Show him ino the morning room." 

Quite ven minutes passed betore she 
weit downstate. She weed the cle 
phone: She used the looking glas. Now 
Lady Quom was wearing bie when 
FF 
hut when she ee her room she was not 

hat. Her gold burnished hair, 
Shih Been deed in the Mis 
trated papers as often as the Quom 
ti, BUSH her биом wie беті 
Without a rope, need «Ш [or no com. 
ment here. We can but praise itm 
pring, and we do во. 

"Thé man "who called himself the 
Cavalier ol the Streets was standing by 
the window looking out imo Berkeley 
Square. His head uncovered, his face 
Tooke leaner and more hawklike than 
ever. His black hair was quite decide 

at the temples. She was surprised 
E notice how linie out of. place he. 
Tookes in her house in spite of is canal 
clones. She stood very stil just within 
the doorway, stall Mende. gracious 
woman. "They stared at ome another 
Term the room for several seconds, and 
then his mouth cwisted into = sale. 
lou жеш to be s very dangerous 
woman, Lady Quorn 

"And arent jou she asked, "a very 
reckless man to come here?” 

Afer you put Scotland. Yard on to 

Ob, 1 don't like being delenceles." 

"They were standing In Iront ol the 
empty” reple. Her wide eyes were 
bright wich laughier, Не studied her 
thoughtfully, and the laughter in her eyes 
twitched at her mouth 

"ich hal an eye,” he said pleasantly, 
^L can ce that you are up to отер, 
ot you wouldnt be so med 

«And cart you guess. Mr. Cavalier, 
what it is hat Teasing mei" 

; can imagine fo 


weari 


ШЕТІ 
“1 am deploring you, Lady Quorn, 
с more sable Joe. appese, the 
ne un ing you 
frum turning married men into giddy 
қом, Maybe whats amusing you i that 
you have a detective hidden somewhere 
room to catch me in the act of 

ing you 
She laughed outright, And a dog out 
sie n the hall hearing her coul and 
pleasant Laugh, barked frantical 
Pd are you going to blackmal 
“OF cune, Lady Quom. And of 
course you know why: 

‘She owned. Fingering her pearls, 
she continued to frown. 

^I don't seem to remember anything 
‘of quite that nature since І last saw you.” 


Try о think." ће suggested. 
“Dear me, she said. he would be so 
Барац not по remember, wouldn't іё” 
"hat about” he asked, the alter. 
betore las 
OR." she said, "L remember! Term?" 
“Ess, 
“Dear me, of cone. 
with him” 
"Did you now?” sid the Cavalier 
Terry а such a nice bop, and he was 
alone" 
Yer gathered hat” 
м = “н Jonel 
the way you mil that. He was Lonely 
Jon ме, and he wanted to be cheered 


Yes 1 bad tea 


A cup of tea.” he said, 
be very cheering.” 
1 have,” she said severely, "the highest 
respect for Tenys wile” 
"Lam sure you have, Lady Quorn, It 
а be a great consolation for her.” 
‘Now you are bei ic and 
quite unjustifably. ГІ can't,” she said, 
have am innocent cup of tea with a 
friend what can 1 havc?” 
"OI course," he said, “І can't be quite 
tive about my fac. 
“Well. 1 should hope not 
“But there is such a thing. Lady 
‘Quorn. as circumstantial evidence. 1 am 
more or lew in the same position as a 
divorce judge who has to decide whether 
а lovchesotted man and an antent wom- 
an alone together in surroundings that 
permit them a certain freedom of mave- 
ment have taken advantage of those sur- 
soundings to do no more than have a 
ар together.” 
"It is wrong,” she said, "to think the 
worst of people.” 
"I am afraid. Lady Quorn, that it is 
sood appealing to the better insuncs 
Dlackmailer 
А would dream she said seriously, 
of appealing to your bener instincts. 
Tes only that а fair play and how 
can it be bir for, me to gie You а hun 
dred pounds when my conscience is 
quite ea 
Your conscience?" he said. "A most 
reliable witness. Lady Quom." 
* she sid," 
innocent woman.” 
"You mean, since 1 last saw you a week 


DE course,” she said. gravely, "only 
for the last week.” 

He looked thoughtful 
«Пап to conceal his disappoi 
E 


Then. with 
ent. he 


suppose.” he said, "you are quite 


sure 
‘Oh, quite. OF coune, опе forgets 
things sometimes. But about this last 
weck 1 am quite sure” 
“Still.” he зай, 
your actions were decidedly misleading 
She sighed. “ D 
man, aren't you 
7A Dlackmailer has to be, Lady Quorn 
And besides” he said severely. “it is 
Written that the intention is a» bad as 
the crime.” 


“That's exactly what 1 
children. But.” she said, 
if Lam going to pay a hundred pounds 
for nothing more than an intenti 
Dear me. il men had to do th 

be penniless in no time." 

"Well." he said grudgingly, “I suppose 
that's only fair Now will you tell me 
something, Lady Quom, before 1 gu 

ut what in the world can 1 tell a 
man who already seems to know so much 
about ше? 

"You were very far from an 
las time І saw you. But this time you 
stem to have had great dilfculty 
breaking out into girlish giggles | 
out our стек. 1 wonder why? 

Her level blue eyes were so limpid 

Laughter that he could not help but. 
ile in return. He tock a мер back 
as the very faint perfume irons her bur 
nished hair just brushed his пом, 

“is quie casy,” he wid. "to explain 
Do you know, 1 am thirty-five years old, 
and you are the only person 1 have ever 
тесіп my life who knows se as [am 
That is odd. you must agree, and funny 
ioo. I never dreamt there would be an 
man or woman in this word who would 
ever know the worst of me. You are the 
only person before whom 1 do not have 
to act ou hve кен behind the coal 

le, but you have seen nothing. at 
alf coo there have your Apdo yon are 
the only man in Ше world who knows 

t 1 enjoy the body of love, just as a 
man docs and not its gentle tender 
spirit. as nice women are supposed to. 
That is why this interview has amused 
те so much. Dear me, how shocked 1 
was at fist that anyone had discovered 
ту secret weaknesses. But now all 1 
feel is relieved thar I do at last know one 
persia with whom 1 shall never have to 

7b can see” he said, 
going to be great friends. 

“Yes? ICs so nice to be natural some- 


heyd 


hat we are 


л you can be actis 
me. Would these men beeen 
sessed with the pasion for hav 
of tea with you alone if acting was all 

you had to offer then 

“Oh, you are being stupid. 1C1 really 
let myself go as much us І should some 
times likc=why. how shocked they would 
be! Didn't you know that an English 
lady must never enjoy hersell too much- 
it wouldn't look nice, With foreigners, 
relly human, 4 
nay be allowed 
ove boring Latin experts 
their wicks! ІСІ could write," she 
d, "I would write such а book about 
the conceit, stupidity, and 

of men as 


ould fil che 
convents of the world with girls and 
women clamoring to take thc vow ol 
choi." 


Why, Lady Quorn, anyone would 

think you disliked me 

It is the tragedy of women who love 

теп, ту friend. that they usually do dis 

like them. But how cin one get around 
(continued on page 31) 


"She can't learn the lyrics,” said Hal. “Wants to write them on her hands! 


tie Mont people Jove me is 
осу about the bod 
room, writing bad ches. and being 
Ins with my wie fecling for me 
At the approach ol the summer жама 
however. when its time to make the те 
sorts where even did clarinet a ig 
school brat, 1 often undergo an odd re 
архе into old habits. It's 3 bad habit to 
be o habitual 
For cumple, at the hotels on our 
route, unpack my suitcase and throw 
ту Clothes everywhere, although che 
unterm ia always the same: white 
ducks, purple funnel jacket, Wars 
Sereruons cnbroidered above ihe не, 
pocket. 1 carry more 


| AM A STEADY, higletype fellow with a 


Sweetboys' Canary- only to lese the shoes 
behind cold suerte radiators. You 
know me already. As to Gwen (Twist 
adivit, shes nat my git). TU get to 
her later 

Then last month 1 sent in the pay 
ment on our Pontiac. The check 
bounced., Makes a man mud at the 
irony of fate which consita In not put- 
ting enough hike in the bank. 

Finally I am obliged to report that 
Lady Alle and Га ben att sgain, 
or ruber, of it. 1 itched and wiggled 
and she slammed doors through the 
{swat term of struggle; 1 put in the 

Tike а good courteous husband, 

was only a seratch or fun 

quarrel: of she went lo Mama. “Га 
Coming to sce you soon, goodbye,” 1 said. 

"Goodbye, don't bother,” she said. 

"Be polite at leat. Listen, no insults, 
Lady. "Long as were separated, jou 
don't have te teat me like a husband.” 

"Okay, but if you cut in on me like 
last time, just be sure to have a hotel 

"I got friends to bunk me in Pitts 
burgh” 

hey be glad to see you. as 
tulas y Kady could make ic dies 
such a pretty giri when shes mad that 
it reminds me of how prety she is 
When shes mot тав опу and de 
termined all over, беке hot eyes, that 
mouth that gets plump as а brane when AAN I Оч наша 
the bites her lips. "That reminded me 

“Say, Lady, what'd jou do with my 


perdi, ang ve pal ші. 
th ny ana e She Sie HIGH-TYPE FELLOW 
Recuperation Camp. 


ie арыш пен to te whe just goes to show it doesn’t pay to be... 
ticket got one Ast Soe be malt 
Natural when the woman you love 


ies, "The reeds are back there too." 
A STEADY, 

out of the station, 1 was proud that T 

takes off, with her behind wagging and fiction By HERBERT GOLD 


PLAYBOY 


not even a friendly solong daddio, it's 
а blow to the confidence. My self-respect 
was shot. І thought about what Г needed 
and came to the same old decision: re. 
assurance. І was right Ше first time. 
‘Our opening date was Vermilion-on-the 
Lake, a beaverboard resort with sand 
fies and smell of kids and the usual early 
crop of Juncbugs and other silver 
winged creatures, You have to fan them. 


me want to 
part of the picture, 100. Hal, our leader, 
who took à vacation from his jocking 
job to get back to THE PEEPL (the 
agency advised it) by leadi 

ріп, vid: "je, makes you din. 
hose are my faithful listening audience; 
and they don't even want what they're 
gonna get You know, its not beart- 
Warming. man. 165 rending” 

“Yep.” I suid soothingly, "the cockles 
are cold, not cool. Its really tough.” 

“And they tell me jocking makes you 
stale, I'd rather plug for some freezer 
plans then, try vo tickle one of those 
Sun soakers. 

Good old Hal. Poor Hal. What а 
neat old friendship and understanding 
ме had that day, because I, too, thought 
about those resort chicks: Bad, bad. 
"They take their hands and раг the sand 
off their tan plumplies, when either 
nobody or somebody is looking. depen- 
ding; ey peekaboobaby themselves 
when they sit up: they flop over in the 
Sin Aud thle Lge ote noche fun 
nily for no fun at all. Then, after a day 
watching them, you come in and fud 
ош how they've put on organdy or a 
lack sheath for dancing and youre paid 
to blow the horn to wake them up from 
their sunstroke. Ird be no life at all, 
except that always one of those girls 
sleeping on the beach has had an eye 
‘open and calculating what her shape was 
doing for you. And she always wanted 
to know a real live musician, “You're 
Detter'n a Harry James record, Mister." 

"That was the uumpet. This is a 

inet” 

“Oh me oh my." 

1 would grin and help her out 
‘oust mean Benny Geschnan. 
okay, too.” 

“бомы, do you know Mr, Good: 
man personali?’ = and so it goes. 

1 always blow good horn. dance hom 
anyway Fl Teig noy He ti 
and T wanted to keep the Pontiac, so 
when Hal said, “How's about i^ 1 
joined his Sweetboys again—suitcase full 
of shoes, as you already know. It doesn't 
need nastiness to blow horn, it takes 
another kind of mad, but the nastiness 
is good for resort fakery. Vermilion. 
Sandusky. Cedar Point. Down to Мах 
sillon for а polka party with a pick-up 
acordion. You know the route: were 
the original firstofMayers. At break. 
fase I thought tenderly about Lady Alice, 
the prettiest litle wife І know, and that 
made me mad: "Up herst"—and І broke 


“You 
Benny's 


a piperleaner in the mouthpiece. 
"Want your tage gray or Brown?" the 
waitres asked. "Youre one of them 
Hals Sweetboy, ain't you? I Jove good 
"Si down. Mis, and let me tell you all 
about my desperate, carefree, glamorous 
life, but take ere of your customer over 
there fri. He wants a Large оу” 

T really needed that "мама. 
Sometimes the reassurance came leaning 
by the bandstand жеп its boy frend 
раней aut. "Doing anything now?" 1 
would ask at the break. while 1 cleaned 
the spit out ol the mouthpiece, 

Siy might ay 

Not just nov, ss but after the set” 

i now I'm 30 busy watching the 

‘would answer. “Afterwards 1 


1 would inquire 
ly and tabe vay. The om 
the pasty stupid face and a couple 
SE hairs (or a mustache, what he thts? 
The square with the dirty pant? That 

“How did you know, was 1 pointing?" 

“Just telepathic. Meeting ol the 
mide. As 1 was remarking, Mis 
hart yourname again? Anyway, its de 
presing to have nothing 10 do for lun 
Aer nie dance ie dis led it in 
"y bones, it's ike а real crazy thing you 
need to da. At Teast if you have a feel 
ing for music hits low i . 


DIE 
Man. thats сажу sight. Б 
ana} we well, ыратын I kame 
F 
Ai lite hem jusping-ani then maybe 
3 le ride und Uy thar me is ye or 
Wo very aten та. Абел Ге 
them М ung to me. Try sweet ear 
06 
She tin 
“You вары, 10 be with a band” 1 
say. “her moch a shortage al бае high 
type қаны Then І tara over ed 
SIT to get vone scp while she Greens 
that Pm really Guy Lombardo Junior 
og x alent” Next sop Еле, 
[xe 
WEIL «hat shook appen. but just 
пуке weeks out and were набіў 
seithel to a ныне Docking, fut 
that a jet for you? A regular cnc 
deme. "Makes jou ticks And T ind 
fnt happened io think of Lady Alice, 
th Eh oy vitet ine Sae bi 
name tht Ва got made up a a bib 
Gras and spoiled or tbe season o there 
RT Pe lr eks ey 
Kcr type Mt. remember) and tea 
ЕНЕДІ ога, 
Hal's Swectgirl, she had to learn some 
mew songs an eot which gave her vari 
ar Uri She wat u kind wio 
‘ould even forget what comes after 
„ 
Wey uh high, 
Binds fh 
Thé sieved in cis paite бай, 
epu tis 
ven win a hundred dollars off on a 
teme. She was thinking and esniak a 


pencil and getting lead all over her li 
Stuck and trying to learn the ballads and 
Hal turned the lock in the bathroom 
and sat down and said: "You don't get 
out till you know those lyrics. Not a 
movie, mot a snooze on the bcd, baby, 
You can have a glass of water, though" 
And he handed her the plastic cup in 
which nine diferent styles of toothpaste 
were caked. 

Next room to them, 1 was doing my 
‘own bard figuring. А Pittsburgh date! 
Tt was the irony of fate that had caught 
up with me again, just like that rubber 

ith the Pontiac, What should 1 
ut Lady Alice? The summer was 
only beginning, but it really seemed а 
shame not to kill two birds with one 
bus ticket, play Pittsburgh and say коса 
bye to byegones, She'd probably come 
cuddly on my knees before she remem- 


bered all the sick about me she was 
р What an eruption! 
\ oud of me in my 


room. Well. most likely not proud, bu 
who knows? At least it would rock he 
to see me so soon, and straight like | vas 

“Patch things up, Lady?" 1 would say. 

“Don't mind if 1 do. 

1 wouldn't worry myself thinking 
about it. наба Wah swimming, 
packing, rubbing spots ofl the clothes 
witli cleaning fluid.” 1 took a маш be 
tween my two hands and lied. In 
the meantime, there was trouble between 
Hal. our leader. the explain of the 
Swetthoys, and Cedar Points Own 

ven. She had a pretty Није face and 
winsome at the eyes and knew how to 
poss il naked behind a prop som 
nero in the publicity glosses. But Hal 
sail that if She didn't pick herself up 


some more LQ. she might as well lool 
Even eating celery 
She said chat 


for another job. 
didn't seem w help her. 
ihe didn’t stop torm 
Squarer than Square"), she 
able to learn another song. “Hal, any: 
Yay, Hem do me, heye all al, 
Grazyrazey-daisy, howja expect me to 
remember one lom the next one!" She 
bas mo really basic love of music, that 
Gwen. She's an artist without any real 
genius, but she's nicely stacked and that's 
‘what is needed to stand and jiggle next 
о Hals piano on the stand, And smile 
for the kids. 

So in a motel the night before Pius- 
burgh, when 1 heard a splash next door, 
the music of бы sinking into face, Г 
thought to myself beat world. 
а world without harmony, (Being w 
out a wife alter geuing wed to 
obliges а man to become philosophical 
Hal and Gwen were having another dis- 
asian. 1 ran out to the corridor, put 
піў mouth to the keyhole, and ігісі to 
yell loud enough to get (o them over 
the sobbing and screaming and various 
disagreements: "Don't blacken her eye, 
Hal. We got to open tomorrow night. 
Keep her mouth clean, Hal. Hit below 
the belt where it doesn't show. 

Suddenly, it was quiet inside. Quieter 
than a walt palace in Harlem 

(continued on page 30) 


Did you hav 


PLAYBOY 


PLAYBOY’S 


OFFICE PLAYMATE | 


-Miss July supervises subscriptions 


We supposesit's natural to think of 
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MISS JULY 


HINOW зні 30 31VWAV 1d S,AOSAV 1d 


PLAYBOY 


HIGH-TYPE FELLOW (continued from page 24) 


Before 1 could congratulate myself 
there was a squish o cilloned hed on 
the Mor, the door came open, and Hal 
Sood there with his face wanged up Im 
the thickest baddest mod E had wen 
Since Lady Alice left me. He was in his 
ponts but no ос ur seks and he was 

ked to the wait. And he was mad 
The huir on his chew and belly were 
squirming wich his breath really upset 
“She he vit ‘Shu eee 
the door 

Gwen was abo dle to naked, only 
wearing a slip, and ho angry. Te would 
ave been veces for me to ler her my 
jacket. "You shouldn't мац 1 
{or Hal, "not If you're going back to 
dti im the ala 

ike it Try saying.” 
BS, BA, BS, o, und. Val 
mones, Tod Ln, just to же 
doe al 


you can 


"Her name is Ellen Rogers, [olks . 


“Shut the door. 


ET 
Eyed E 
rough far the occmion, but el 
ate а ing eee 

а Bahr ond ote the n 
ie t mo she complained, "rel 


Td like to stop awhile for listening 
10 your sad story," 1 told. 
on Hal's hardın 
should do what Hal sa. He's our 
leader, and a grand fellow, besides. We 
‘open tomorrow, Gwen. We all depend 
‘on you to Took yourself, I mean lovely 
"And." said Hal, "and to know the 


"but you 


lyrics, Says she can’t learn them. Wants 
to write them on her hands.” He leaned 
spreadlegged toward me. І could sec 


that he was beginning to blame me, the 


and where do you live, Miss Rogers?” 


interrupted and needed somebody eke 
to pound if it wouldn't be Gwen. The 
hairs on bis chest squiggled with 
breathing and his tongue lolled in his 
‘open mouth. His voice was hoarse. Hal 
and Gwen really disagreed about palm- 
ing the lyrics 
"Well. night night, everybody." 1 said, 
and put my hand on the doorknob. 1 
wanted to get back to my own lonely 
the next room, where there 
nothing punchy but the mattres. 
said he hit me, Danny. Не doesn't 
really love me anymore, never will 


й HES the way I feel about it, too," 
kun 
War you ай, Gwendolyn. De 
ET 
52 Un bens toman me and 


Don't leave me пом, І need yoi 
she cried. 


got his breath 


е was wheezing wih a 
than goldenrod I had upset their die 
agreement. “Are you Kaving. Danny 


he asked me, "or do І have to 


heave you out? 


This was another of the many mi 
nderstandings which that summer w: 
emulating for me, “Dads want to 
go, Га just love it.” 1 complained, "but 
you got to take this girl off my feet 
She's stepping on my corns and dirt 
my socks: 


ever leave you tonight,” she 
“Не scares me 

‘Are you please going to 
. 


My natural inclination was to prefer 


Hal's 
grabi 


but Gwen was grab- 
would have been im 


111 never leave you now, Danny, you're 
all Tve got" 

“What” 

"Unless he 
made up my 


ard Gwen deliver such 
ІГІ understood her Eng: 
Twas the most educated of the 
seemed that І was in u 
dificult, perhaps desperate, perhaps 


T had never В 
a long speech. 
lish=an« 
Sweetboys— 


even compromising situation. "You bet 
ter apologize to the girl, Hal” T told 
him. “Say you're sorry. Nice Gwen, 
nice Gwen. don't be so upset. Take your 
laxe ‘out of my crotch, please.” 

Hal took a step toward me and said 
“Get ош, you. Are you getting?” Не 

s stroking his fat bare arm like a club. 
“And get out fast.” 

“You sce?" І interpreted for Gwen 
“He means he's sorry he hurt your feel 
ings and wants to make it up to you. 

«а the hell outa here!” 

y sold feel the fuz of that bathrobe 
all over me and I was paralyzed. It was 
Tike having cops in the howe. I mean 
Т just didn't have the strength. 1 


«d down at her and sniffed her per 
fume (very tasty) and sad. "Listen w 
him Gwen, вез saddened but wier by 
this’ experience, Hear his ricndiy 
words. please. He wants to start life 
wen with jou. all Шай and new” 
‘Gwen lec me go and stood by the door. 
watching un thoughitully with her 
hands in Hals bathrobe packets She 
in that. wraparound, a sweet 
aired creature, built high 
kely turned. She 
waded Kleene 
de a delicate face, 


it of the pocket, m 


a dropped it tà he Ва 
fiat sad o me a 

logre nicer than 

viis “Tab 


Gwen remarked pensively 
realy decided (о be u 
onto my arm. She h 
апа she was stroking the inside 
"hos, whatever you elle ua 
“IL you don't start going.” Hal told 
Ie ol a а ря ef TI have 
to help you а help. ws were 
pumping) his glands were working. and 
he was grammatically confused, but 1 
Knew what he meant. Yes, his lips were 
Curling over his teeth. "He figured to 
spoil my mouth tor 


t 
Naturally І shook off Gwen hand 

and went fast for the doos 

lip for the clarinet runs 

good at all; 

Kazoo. 


eked 


d have to take up the 
So 1 left, sideways and quick. 
ай, okay for my own 


sighed, "you're so 
^I didn't do 
through the door. 

Gwen siniled at me (1 mean che win. 
some ballroom smile) and rubbed the 
fuzz of Hal's hatluobe against whatever 
1 was wearing and stood up and 
on the shoulder, whispering, 
you're all mine.” 

“Gwen, you shouldn't do that. Leggo 
Ich 


s my mark,” she said. "Ask 
metimes. He» gotm 

* She ran the pink 

aver her lips, 

Y to ask him,” 

outside. "Gwe 

оуд" said sternly. This was serious 


and 1 pronounced her entire name. 
“Gwendoline Harris you cant, you 
shouldn't 

did. 


neut 1 кошот fure what 
xt. She was logical, but untair 
to Hal, the King of the Sweethoys. "Well, 
‘what about his bathrobe?” 

She began to undo Ше cord. "FII put 
the chain on the door and slip it out to 


‘Not No! Don't do that. please, Gwen. 
Hell make noise and spoil it for every- 
body. We got to be rested up for the 
igma Rho deal" 
“Не already gave me a rho deal,” she 
suid bitterly. 
“Cynical, cynical. You'll never get to 
be Doris Day like that,” 1 warned her. 
“I don't wanna be Doris Day, I wanna 


be Judy Garland. The world is such 
a sad bittersweet place.” 

“каг 

"Yes, that’s my secret desire. Danny. 
Now you know the truth about me.” 

There was a heave, there was а crash, 
amd Hal came splintering through the 
door. He jumped me and began pound- 
ing and 1 went down in glorious defeat 

‘Gwen kept her hands 


get up once. 


M 
Hal, "Oh Dads ity 


love me if you 

do do do.” 
in the motel room with. 
d Hal's bathrobe. 1 last 


The next day 1 went to see Lady 
Alice in Pitsburgh. 1 told her that І 
got bruised like that in an automobile 
accident, driving with my shoes off a 

my socks tore on the accelerator and 


1 couldn't switch to the brake in time. 
The car wasn't even hurt. “You got here 
so soon,” she said. 

Lets start all over,” 1 said. “І really 
сате for you, Lady, but 1 don't want to 
be a Sweetboy anymore.” 

"Well. let the Union know you're here 
and they can probably find you a pickup 
oh in Pittsburgh while you recuperate. 


Y sed her, uying to favor, dhe 
places. "My mind wandered, 
"I was thinking about you all the n 
long, and then that ungraded 
Game up on me, whoosh. 
Youre so sweet,” she m 
“But му, boney, how did a skid into a 
ditch ever put thoe title teeth mark 
on your shoulder?” Some girls Гус met 
just have a muistrusful streak in them 
and my wile is une of the wen 


a 


“Goodness, Melvin — is that what you meant by skin diving?!” 


THE OLD DOPE PEDDLER 


entertainment. 


| 


tom lehrer 

is the master 
of the 
hollow laugh 


BY 
ROLF MALCOLM 


When the shades of night The words are distinctive and unconsen 
are falling tional. They are also macabre, outra 
Come a fellow everyone knows. geous, irre 
Its the old dope peddler Sample 
joy wherever he goes” view of the Hoy Scouts 

u chance to hear thi 
coated vitriol, rendered by a rather 
Ureadbare tenor voice with an equally 


Be prepared! 
Or the abovequoted ballad of The 
Old Dope Peddler, which Lehrer dedi 
‘that member of the commu 
d 


y 
imong his fellow Ghee but who 
Pever been pope recognized in Sng 


he writes the music 
music is conventional and undistinctive. 


Recognizing in song the more repel 
lent aspect af our society i бе onc 
iag passion ol Lehrers lile. Ші 
арба icm 
tly реа 
sketch of "nei is 
Coding tà that document, he was тай 
has been deified by 
(ci). i a Phi Beta Карра 
pa cum nude MA om Har 
nity and a re а 
for industry and ‘ational deiense (бс 
ist of Lehrers songs were written 
while he was serving tine at Harvard 
ar as a teacher. The 
provided the inspira 


university, in fa 


38 


PLAYBOY 


tion for one of his best numbers, Fight 

iercely, Harvard. "Most football fight 
songs," says Lehrer, "have a tendency to 
е somewhat uncouth and violent. This 
опе is rather dainty.” And so it is 
("How we shall celebrate our victory, 


Ме shall the whole team up for 
tea. How jolly”) 
Gradually, the insidious charm of his 


songs began to spread, like a malignant 
Tungus fom Harvard” cloistered ball to 
more profane environs such as television 
studios and night clubs. For the tender 
sensibilities of the TV audience, Lehrer 
confined. hine o amusing, But vela- 
tively innocent stuft, like his diygustingly 
gemúllich bit of pscudo-Straus, The 
Wiener Schnitzel Walte ("Your lips were 
like wine, if you'll pardon the simile: 
The music was lovely and quite Rudoli 
іу”), 

But night clubs like The Blue Angel 
offered him wider scope, “There he could 
Pull all the stops and no punches, bay- 
oneting pet hates with a Deep South. 
type song titled 7 Wanna Go Back to 
Dixie (Old times there are not, for 
gotten, Whuppin’ slaves and sellin’ cot 

а ја 


‘old home town (his is peopled by prosti- 


perverts and guys who monogram 
wives with knives), Christmas 
(Hark the Herald "Tribune sings, Ad- 
vertsing wondrous things.) and, in one 
fell swoop, security restrictions, nuclear 
tests and the perennial cowboy ballad 
(Mid the yuctzs and the thistles, ГИ 


watch the guided missiles, While the old 
ЕБІ. watches me"). 
Before long an LP record of his son 


ın alter the words 
vailable in the hard- 


was released, and. 
and music became 


tedly a cut above Lehrer the singer. 
But this vocal deficiency is well balanced 


by the fact that Lehrer obviously has a 
hell of a good time singing his own 
“The Lehrer voice appeals, for exam- 
ple, to Irving Kolodin: the’ perceptive 
Imusic editor of The Saturday Revi 
Kolodin calls Lehrers songs “something 
of a legend” and defines Lehrer himselt 
as “a wandering minstrel with no place 
ander.” It also appeals to the afore 
tioned AL Capp. who labels Lehrer 
disillusioned Spirit" and adds, "let 
us gll be grateful Jor tnat” 

The appalling (as well as appealing) 
thing about Lehrers humor it that à 
basic ingredient is nothing more than 
honesty. Most of us are more or les 
aware of Freudian death wishes, social 
injustice, murder, atomic peril and such- 
like unplcasantriós and some of us even 
give them a little thought now and then. 
Few of us, however, vant to hear about 
them in our songs. When the trouba- 
dir comes o cher our leisure hour, 
we bid him sing of joy and youth and 
Tove that never dien Dut Tom Lehrer 
ба troubadour of diferent breed, He 
may sing “І hold your band im 
dear, І press it to my lips” but we 

femer to wur horror thatthe hand в 

mberod. And when he warbles a 
candid ditty of romance like When You 
Are Old And Gray, we are first revolted 
and then grudgingly forced to admit is 
bitter truth: 

Your teeth will stare to go, dear, 

Your waist will start to spread. 

In twenty years or so, dea 

TII wish that you were dead.” 

More important than Lehrers grue- 
some honesty is the legerdemain by 
which he makes us laugh while he rubs 
qur moss in lies more unsavory meses 
For though the laughter may at times 
be slightly hollow, i very existence Я 
û thing for both rejoicing and wonder. 

However, there may be a simple ex- 
planation for the Lehrer magic. After 
All he was raised by a yak. Therein may 
Tie the answer. 


CROOKED CORONET 


(continued from page 22) 


бираме?" 
“I am growing really quite sorry for 


search nf a 
төйет t proc Б а repentant fool, 
a jealous bully, or a pathede child. 1 

cone would tell me what flaw 


there is in men that makes them un- 
worthy of straightforward gilts, of which 
love should be the first. But по, we 


cannot give them love and passion with 
both hands, frankly, we must corrupt our. 
surrender with evasions and retreats, 
we must act or pretend to tease—else they 
will not cherish the gift. To think we 
have been lords of creation these mil: 
lion of years and have evolved nothing 
more mature than man as an equal to 
a woman's love!” The door opened, and 
She continued in а 

voice: "So you 

again, won't you 


Tao enjoy your чай 
The butler said: "My lady, the Com. 
mittee is waiting in the draving room. 

“Гаваі Бе there in one momen 

Alone again, she said, coolly smiling: 
“Well. there is my real life. Siting or 
presiding on committees, The restcall 
eve been talking about-is nomense. 
The leisured cles, they call us. Dear 
me, what fun life would be if we did not 
have to work hander at our pleasures 
than we do at our work.” She hall ex- 
tended her hand. "Goodbye, Мг. 
Cavalier.” 

She was unsmiling, conventional. 

“You have made it imposible or me 
he mid, "t blackmail you авай 
aimon.” 

She regarded hin so steadily that he 
blinked, But he did not look away, 

"Almost" ihe said, "And what does 


^ ће said, taking her cold 
it is only my concern 
the structure of society, which women 
Jike you menace, that will compel me to 
kecp an eye on you. 
er bright wide eyes were unfathom- 
able. Withdrawing her hand, she walked 
towards the door. Не stood: wate 
ber, a fint smile on Мі dark face, 
“Goodbye, Lady Quorn 
Tan de men бе deor 
hat you are a man of courage, But 
don’t force me to send you to prison. 


“The butler will show you out. Good: 
bye” 

He had no sooner left the house than. 

Inspector 

in made no 


secret of the facts that he had been 
waiting for him and that he was in am 

exceedingly bad temper. 
fou're а prize juggins, my lad," he 
"Now you come along with 


"The hawklike man, balancing hinself 
on his heels, as though ready to waste 
time with the frst person who offered 


him amusement, stared thoughtfully at 
the Inspector. 
“What for, Bulrose?” 


“Little innocent, aren't you?” "Then 


suddenly, with a vehemence that led 
hi 


face with crimson, he bawled: 


"Taxi! 

‘What on earth is all this about, Bul: 
rose 

A taxidriver, who had evidently just 
finished putting on a spare wheel at the 
comer ol Hill Sweet, jumped сада 
astically into his cab and drove up beside 
them. Bulrose (езу lung open the 
door. 

“This is а damed serious business, 


Mister Wagstaff so don’t ask silly ques 
I the Superintendent. Jump 


"They were no farther than about eight 
ards hom the door of Lady Quorn’ 
jouse. Both men turned their backs ta 
the taxidriser as the door was fung 
open and the slim, elegant figure of а 
young lady came tipping down the 


stone steps. 
Now maybe" snapped Bulrose, 
"you'll know what we want you for.” 


“Will I indeed?" the other murmured, 
staring at the approaching figure. 
2.1 suppose, snapped the inspector, 
ovre going to say you've never seen 
Mer belt” 
“But you must introduce me, Bulrose. 
She looks a nice pi 
“Where's your manners?" said the In- 
spector indignantly. "Calling а friend 
of Lady Quorus s "nice piece! even 
though she is America 
"The young lady, whose prettiness was 
i Foe e d 
ber slim elegance, came tipping 
towards them. She appeared. like many 
pretty young ladies, to be more inter- 
ned in the contents of her vanity bag. 
in which she was fumbling with her 
hand, than in her immediate surround. 
ings Amd she would no doubt have 
collided into the two men if, when she 
was still a yard or two away {rom them, 
Bulrose had not taken а step forward 
and said: 
“Вер pardon, miss, is this the man?“ 
ure," said the pretty young lady. 
ng coldly into the Cavaliers face 
ice, which was at once solt and 
oul have made the United States 
“And мг she 
yu will examine his pockets, you 
ily And the check 1 gave him a few 
minutes ago." 
"The Inspector looked with disgust at 
prisoner, 
"And to think,” he said, 
thought you were almost an intelligens 
rook. Taking a check! Hand it over: 
"The Cavalier, a bewildered expresion. 
on his face, slowly extracted from the 
right side pocket of his jacket a folded 
check. 
"Hand й over," the Inspector re 
ated. "I suppose you're going to say 
Tote never sean that Deore“ 
"Oh по” said the Cavalier. "But Га 
like to look at it just once again. 
Unfolding the check, he saw that it 
was made out to Michael Wagstafe, Esq. 
for the sum of one hundred pounds and 


racy, 
Ambasador homesick, 


was signed by Monica Gubbins. Then 
ће handed it to ihe Inspector, who was 
about to pur it in his pocket, when the 
pretty young lady cric 

I certainly like it back" 

"hi is important evidence, miss. 


You'll get it back all right in due 
coune.” 
The Cavalier was looking thought- 


He noticed 


fou are quite sure, M 

he said, "that you gay 

Lady Quorn’s house?” 
"Why, of course!” said the pretty 

young lady. "What was 1 to do when 
ou were blackmailing me? And 

you were blackmailing d besides, 

Lady Quorn told ae it was the best way 


se i the Calc 
"Mim Gubbins sid Uc Inspector, 
afraid TH have to rouble you to 
come along with us and RI in the Charge 
ана In man." 

"lut" mid the young lady, "I don't 
think lm going do make any charge 
pd 

Bulrose, posting back his bowler hat, 
mopped it Во brow: 

"Mor ће said iter. 

"The young Indy eyes now met the 
Cavaliers for the nr бас. На lips 
be fancied, were witching faintly. 

ir the Inspectors she miei “ane 
sore with ma 

Oh. not annoyed.” sid the Cavalier. 
“Jost poe him tine and he wil buat 


said Bulrose 
indigeantly. “I'm sitting down in my 
office to а cup of tea when along comes 
an urgent message from Lady Quorn 
that this crook here has bad the impu- 
dence to call st her house to see an 
American lady visiting her ladyship and 
„ 
her. And when І mab him with the 
check on him-she ain't going to make 
по charge.” 


“And what would happen 
asked the pretty young lady, 
inae it?” 
“Two to three 
jasively, “hard. 
"Then," said Miss 
the silent Cavalier, "yo 
to thank Lady Quorn for being 
another chance. Î owe her so much for 
her kindness and hospitality that 1 just 
couldn't bring myself to refuse her апу 
thing at all, And when she asked me to 
let you off, as you were no doubt just 
a silly young man driven to crime from 
reading detective sones or капе о 
many gangster pictures, 1 just had to за 
T would Lady Quom өмі maybe all 
you needed to come to your right senses 
again was a good square meal, and she 
gave me this tem shilling note to give you. 
though of course you musn't spend it all 
‘on going to the movies. But mind, now. 
this must be a leson to you never to try 
blackmailing people again. Do you 
think, Inspector, that he will go straight 
Ea Pe 
Bulrose, who appeared to be having 
some dicat ia Controlling his facil 
mucles, managed vo do по more thun 
nod. And the pretty young lady, pressing 
the Gemahlin note icto the Cavaliers 
numbed hand, walked swiftly away- 
"Then Detective-Inspector Bulrose real 
у got down to business, so that butlers 
essing by in charge of lapdogs envied 


“Strike me pink!” he gasped. 
Laughing with that profound relish 
which comes but 100 rately in this vale 

of sorrow, be very nearly choked. 
AT woulda have mised that” he 

"for all the beer in the wor 

ЕЕ E ce 
the Streets being told off for being a bad 
boy from secing 100 many gangster pic- 
tures. Which do you like best, Репу, 
the ones where the villain repents and 
‘goes straight for love of a nice pure girl? 
(concluded on page 32) 


it 1 did 
years.” sid Вагове 


bbins, turning to. 
y have 


PLAYBOY 


“А most laudatory letter of recommendation, Miss Dewitt, 
hut just who, pray tell, is Polly Adler?" 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


The hebt i was he mie 
оба pep talk given recen by 
абара of ceram oper 
dere wort. "For ince 

cier vana razor ad he 
fold employees "ak. him bow 
Bes Pu or shaving cream 
and aftershave lotion. That vay 
ou cam tum a anal ale Ino a 


mer one 
commision." 

"The youngest clerk was very 
impressed by the talk and de 
cided to try the technique on his 
very next customer, This turned 
ош to be a rather embarrased 
gentleman who shyly requested 
а box of Kotex for his wife. Ten 
minutes later, the manager of 
the store was amazed to see the 
customer staggering ош leaded 
down with assorted fishing equi 
ment, tackle, net, boot and a 
oneman inflatable literato 
"What happened?!” the mana 
gasped, and the clerk modestly 
Stuibuted his success to "The 
Related Sale 

"Related Sale!” exclaimed the 
manager. “But all he wanted 
was a box of —" 

“L know. So I said, "Look, 
mister, there isn't going to be 
much doing around your house 
this weekend. Why don't you 
take а fishing trip" 


cam а larger 


An old rout of our acquaintance 
recently pointed out that about 
the only thing you can look down 
on and approve of at the same 
time is a plunging neckline. 


Our research department те 
та chat hes miraculous new 
lag alde nay 
in lowering the kr 
kober tne nene amp 
by the following ease Bite: 
хана und вабна lad ro: 
duke d bouncing Db] ERR 
па зета нанне Пе а 
TI Suite recendy when Susan, 
wha i hara of hace ei 
the” aforementioned зара, 


As Suman explana le “Ev 
Sieht when vere, John 
Vea ата me and ae Well 
Tl ve дер ce oka 
And bear 1 goce Desi aid, 
Гаа anmai What 


А married man we know quite 
wel relaxed on a recent busines 
Vip by enjoying a lively weeken 
with a lively Blonde. Nor ке 
Alter returning to the home 
however, & rather shitty in- 
him a visit and 
be nasty innuendo of 
2 professional blackmallr, “Re 
member that шір you took? Re 
member thet Blonde?” The am 
Seer to both questions was "Ven" 
“Well, mister” mid the un- 
savory one, "i 
бы d Rave photogra 
trytbing what you and her di 
“everything?” gulped our 


friend. 
“Everything! See?" He spread 
а hal dorm highly detailed 
snapshots on the desk and alter 
giving them a chance to mal 
the proper impresion, asked, 
What are you gonna do about 
ister?" 
"Well drawled our friend 
cooly, “II take one of these, 
two of those, and five of this one 
over ћете, Can I have them 
tinted?" 


Three playboys-English, Arabi- 
an and American- were standing 
оп a street comer in Casablanca 
When a spectacular Oriental 
beauty walked haughtily by them. 
“By Jove!” exclaimed the Eng 
lishman. "By Allah!” sighed dhe 
Arabian. "By tomorrow night,” 
said the American, 


Have you heard any good ones 
lately! Earn an easy five dollars 
by sending the best to: Party 
Jokes “Editor, пачы, П E. 
Superior St, Chicago 11, Ilinois. 
Incas of duplicate eee, 
payment will go to frst received. 
No jokes can be returned. 


Ribald Classic 


А new version of one of the choicest tales from Balzac's Contes Drolatiques 


тне је 


ж or rokitON, though wise 
and learned, was a man of merry dispo- 
sition. He kept. for example, a buxom 
servant girl named Jacqueline, and all 
the district knew the nature of the tasks 
she perlormed. But the people of Por- 

on were broad of mind: they were 
aware that the solemnity of oficial life 
weighed heavily upon the good man, and. 
they did ot begrudge hi dis pleasant 
relaxation. 

Being. as we have said, a merry man, 
the judge was delighted to End im his 
judicial chambers one morning a young 

jut exceedingly pretty and fulldormed 
girl Though Jacqueline had served him 
eli the previous night, this did not hin- 
der the judge's blood from running fas- 
ter. "Good morning, my dear,” he smiled, 
and, truc to his meny nature, he took 
her in his arms. 

“Му lord!” the girl, leaping 
from his embrace, 1 am here on oficial 
Dusincss-to complain, in very fact, of 
just such treatment 

“Such treatment?” bellowed the judge. 
“Such treatment is the stuff of life. a је 
unto the heavens, a thing to ch 
encourage and Бе thankful for. 

u wish to complain of it 
тту girl. on eh and unwise 
theless, speak on. Who are you and who. 
is the man and what was there in his 
action to complain of Eh?” 

am à laundres, sir; the 
Sire du Fon; and his action~ 

“The Sire du Fou? The Kings cham 
berlain? Ungrateful girl! To complain. 
of an action by the noble Sire du Fou!” 

“My lord, he forced me,” murmured 


is he 


story.” But he 


"The pretty "hunde. told the judge 
iow the Sire du Fou had given her some 
вен o wash: how she had delivered 
them o his quarter: and bow, when she 
Tai asked for За du Fon 

would give her the largos 
actor Tee she ever had 
t was a facetious natement, fr 
the tec he spoke of was neither gold nor 
silver, and ook atleast thirty minutes in 


the paying. 


ceived. 


A SUIT FOR DAMAGES 


"Ehe laundress related all this й 


vely 


ы 
and the judge! who was ever 
hear a tle of bad. listened 
interest “Wel” e sid when she had 
inishcd, "this isa very pretty story an 
it has warned my heat. But da yon 
mean to say you derived mo pleasure 
from the large and handsome lee that 
No pleasure, ir. And no prof. 1 
therefore ask а thousand crowns in dan- 
ages from the Sire.” 

"No pleasure!" mused the judge. “The 
Sire du Fou is a vigorous and exper. 
ienced man, a шап of merry disposition 
ike myself, a man who knows more 
tricks and turns of love than Ovid. Full 
many а maid of Portillon would think 
пере well used to be paid in such a 
fashion by him. No pleasure, indecdl 
Ineredibiet” 

“Му lorg," said the laundres, "ask 


е inkl the bell upon his 
Jacqueline speared! The 


judge repeated the Jaundress question, 


and Jacqueline repli 

"sir. although 1 dearly love such 
sports and am ih pot to remember a 
time when they gave ought but pleasure 
to me, yet to be truthlul I must admit 
that in my younger days there were 
‘occasions when they afforded me only 
marow, f she received no 


uve received payment—that is, if she 
were forced, as she maintains.” 
“Thank you, my dear.” sid the 
judge. "The question of force is one 
E shall now investigate. Bring me, 1 


pray, а needle and a piece of thread.” 

When these were brought, the judge 
presented the thread to the pretty Hund. 
Tess and kept the needle himself. “Now 


“І have my reasons. Do what 1 sa) 
slip that thread into the eye of this 
needle 1 hold before you.” 

‘The laundres shrugged and carefully 
approached the needle with the thread. 


Bor just when the thread drew dose 
to the neciles eye, the judge moved his 
hand slightly. She tried again. And 
again the judge moved his land, She 
tried a third time with the same result, 
and grew so vexed she cried out, "In 
faith, sir, if you keep not stil, 1 will 
never get it in!” 

The judge laughed in triumph. "True, 
gri Add had ou dene ihe ne, the 
Sire du Fou would have been likewise 
unsuccessful. Forced, you say? Rubbish! 
T have no patience with talk of force in 
these matters, Your complaint і disinis 
sed, 


Vait, my lord, you judge nor wisely,” 
said the girl "Pray give me another 
Chance. Even the best seamstress has 
trouble threading а needle when the 
thread is limp. Î have heard them say 


“Have you, indeed? And what ehe 
Baye you heard then?" 

“That by strengthening the thread 
with a bit bf camera, tus, the task 
is made much simpler. Another chance, 
Y pray, my lord.” 

he girl's quick wit amused the judge, 
so he presented the needle again. “Т 
time, she did not attempt to thread it at 
once, but began to talk to the needle in 
soft and melting tones: "Ah, what a 
sweet lile needle. What a darling litle 
needle. How slim, how straight. And 
such a lovely eye it has, so fresh, so 
impudent, so inviting! Come, hi 
E needle, 1 beseech у 


judge, who found her words enjoyable, 
the needle close. At once, the 
Jaundress seized his wrist, cried "Now 1 
have you, my pretty one!" and thrust the. 
жете thread through the needles eye. 
lt may be seen, to this day, in the 
judicial records of Porüllon, that dam. 
ages in the amount of one hundred 
Towns were paid to а lanndres by the 
Sire du Fou. This, it will be observed, 
was not the thousand crowns she asked 
for, but the remainder (though this is 
not stated in official record and we must 
here rely on rumor) was paid her by 
nine other lords, one hundred crowns 
at a time, for services rendered, 


а 


PLAYEOY 


Another fine old engraving by that 


НДЦ 
ТІК КІ 


| fine old engraver, John Held, Jr. 


> 
Da ee 2-72-22 


BUL 
ў " f 


71 


||| 
| 


Ціма. 


AT 


TEMPEST IN A COUP | 
miss storm perpetuates | ر‎ 


her torso in plaster 


PLAYBOY 


The top layer is masking tape; second 
layer is jersey; under It all, Tempest. 


A monty NO young lady with the redundant monicker of Tempest 
Storm recently got plastered. 

(o say that Miss Storm wa ed, sozzled, gassed, stinko. 
or otherwise incapacitated, A lady of temperate habits, she was merely 
being measured for a mannikin. Miss Storm is, in the words of her press 

у “а strip tease recitalist.” Her body is her business, and business 
y good. То make it even bette decided that а $D replica 
charms should be pl ire 
ppearing. 
ing of such a replica required yards of masking tape, much 
plaster, Miss Storm's esence, and the icky man. 
hikin maker named Jim Berry. Though not exactly essential to the 
proceedings, the PLAYBOY с n was also in on the de 
moral support and snapping the pictures you sce on these pages. 


dt wa 
‘cd prominently outside the th 


Removing the shell, Berry wonders if he has quite enough plas- 
ter on hand to fill this buxom replica of The Storm Divine. 


PLAYBOY 


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book of words and music, with intro by 
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BODY CONTROL 


Ae Sew Yeti lt 


CROOKED CORONET (continued from page35) 


Superintendent Crust may almost forgive 
Lady Quorn getting you off when he 
hears that the biggest crook in London 
уз tipped ten bob to get himself a 
lecent meal. 

The hanklike wan, staring down at 
the ten shilling note in his hand with a 
queer smile, sid not a word. The taxi 
which Bulrose had hailed, was still with 


“Whats hat?” said Bulrose, wiping 
y his tears. 
said the taxi driver, “or 


DUET RUN 
a friendly wave of the hand. told the 
тех ea 
553 
ps elder pen 
cr p prec 


Mussel, the joke 
The taxidriver. who had been furib- 
ly with his gears while 

now de. 


Te was pretty neat. the way you handed 
en 

a уау 

5 

„ 

5 с 


ved 


Hand it hack, Pullman.” 
His obedient subordinate, doing his 


his hack to the house behind him, slip. 
ped it into his breast pocket. 

Put the car away.” he said, "and come 
to the Пас about six. And for ріку sake 
get yourself a decent shave.” 

As the taxidrives indignantly changed 
gears he saw, to his astonishment, his 
Chief mounting the broad steps to Lady 
Quom's house 


1 wondered.” said Lady Quorn, "if 
you would come back.” 

1 can only hope you have mised mc. 
1 have. he iud "a bone to pick with 
you, Lady Quorn.” 

"Oh. what ingratitude! 


с you. For entirely owing 
do you, І have been called Perey by 3 
policeman. 

“14 you wish.” she said. "I will write 
to the Commissioner and complain on 
your behalf." 

Are you positive.” he said, “that you 
haven't any Complaints to make on your 
own? Better look m the mirror, Lady 


em level eyes tested on Віта for a long. 
second before she turned to the locking 
glas over the fireplace 

Те" he mut her rel 
in the mirror looking gravely at 

He was thooghelull fingering the 
rope of pears he had extracted fro the 
handkerchief the taxidilver had те 
turned to him. He held them out to her, 
She made 00 movement, her shoulder 

im. still gazing st ir in the miror 
"So all shat blackmail buinen,” she 
said, “rs junt vo much nonem an ex 
ine to get into my house?” 

Let is сай it background. Jt was 
quite sincere, 1 diapproved ol y 
Тану Quom, and 1 td you wy. 1 
only weit rom people 1 divpprove o^ 

"And give tbe proceeds to charity?” 

Well not quite. But 1 do, 1 taney, 
give as much а any other Christian, You 
ee how modest 1 am 

"Amd why are jou returning my 
m 

"I tok. you; he ssid, “that 1 only 
stole from people 1 disapprosed of 

And you have ceased to disapprove?” 

"Oh ma. But 1 disapprove of your 
husband even more for being, as he hust 


be, such an unattractive, meles and 
silly man as not to be able to keep the 
affections ol a woman like Sheila 
Quorn, 


“1 should like to think, then. that you 
are returning the pearls because you 
like me?” 

"Yes. And also," he suid 
they are false 

"hi was clever of you!" he added, ab- 
sendy fingering the pearls, "to slip tha 
‚check into the pocket of an accomplished 
thief. Му vanity is quite concerned, 
Lady Quorn. How did you do it?” 

Dear me, Cavalier, at one moment 
you were so near to me that І feared 
you were about to kiss me.” 

“And then you would have slapped 
my facer 

"Oh. it is only f 
make small points 

He let the pearls drop with a small 
crash on to the table, and walked 10 
wards the door, 

Cavalier,” she said, “would you have 

med the pearls if they had been 


tened women who. 


fraid so," he mid fmm the 
near forme to tll yo 
обе, Lady Quom. But 
SU jour han eo sta М pent 
Sau you will Know that my disapproval 
of a complaisant husband has Foch 
fs limit 

Ні hand was on the doorknob, 

"My friend rhe said, "T have just 
realized that 1 know sa lile about 
Nie you, by any chance, engaged or 

As Ве turned from the door he ым 
she was proving the bell 

Tara ringing." she 


id. “for wa” 


ў 2 
m SPINACH 
7 | 


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d thinks life is a deadly serious 
5 Yobyalp, it you look at 
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one of his funniest stories по date and Dave 
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you'll use your Nappy Bag for many years becouse it's so well 
constructed. The Koroseal 
durable ond washable. The Koroseal interior is 

seamless ond leak-proof. Only Nappy gives you 

both Fiberglos and Koroseol Be sure you ask for 

Nappy Т N 


mo keep oi your favorite store. 


NAPPY BAGS ARE AVAILABLE IN THE FOLLOWING STANDARD мора: 
ба plaids wad а wide vorisiy ol sold calori) 


emula Bog — 
[M Lunch Beg ficri Beg 8 WP Giant Резе Bog! 
кая ене 1.9.55 1670.6 DPA 


NAPPE-SMITH MANUFACTURING CO., FARMINGDALE, М, J