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Í ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN — JANUARY 1964 = $1.25. iow 


j 


PLAYBOY 


~ ТЕМТН ANNIVERSARY ISSUE 
fe’ TIAN FLEMING,» ERNEST HEMINGWAY 
^f — JAMES BALDWIN + BUDD SCHULBERG 
7 “I BERTRAND RUSSELL > PABLO PICASSO 
К^ "FREDERIC MORTON - P. G. WODEHOUSE 
| VLADIMIR NABOKOV * PHILIP ROTH 
-VANCE PACKARD ~ WILLIAM IVERSEN ` / 
i. ` LENNY BRUCE = 10-PAGE TRIBUTE TO 
~~" MARILYN MONROE « PLAYMATE. REVIEW 
° THE VARGAS GIRLS OF THE TWENTIES 


E m A ا‎ | 


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TEN YEARS AGO, PLAYBOY — then a publication of modest di- 
PLAYBILL Е 


mensions and high hopes — first appeared оп the news- 
stands. In our premier issue. we had this to say: "Within the pages of pravnov 
you will find articles, fiction, picture stories, cartoons, humor and special features 
culled from many sources, past and present, to form a pleasure-primer styled to 
the masculine taste.” Viewing that statement in retrospect, its gr ng to know 
that, although we've grown enormously in both editorial scope and physical size, 
we have swerved not one iota from our original concept of what a magazine 
designed to provide "Entertainment for Men" should be. 

The first issue of PLAYBOY, put together with paste pot and scissors on a bridge 
ble in Hugh M. Hefner's kitchen, was undated (we weren't sure there would 
second issue), sold 51,000 copies, contained a grand total of 42 pages, no ads, 
reprints of short stories and articles, and the now-famous nude photograph of 
Marilyn Monroe, a lovely lady to whom, fittingly, we pay tribute in this anniversary 
issue in а 10-page pacan. MM Remembered. To say that these past 10 years have 
been eventful would be an understatement. PLAYBOY now sells over 40 times as 
many copies per issue as it did back in December of 1953. In 10 years, PLAYEOY 
has run over 414 articles, 414 stories, 197 pictorial features; w run 144 fashion 
features, 1637 cartoons and 150 cartoon stor we've had 8 Playboy Jazz Polls, 
boy Jazz albums, and a spectacularly successful Playboy Jazz Festival: there 
present 8 Playboy Clubs which will have their own magazine, VIP. debuting 
next month; we've had a syndicated TV show, Playboy's Penthouse; we now offer 
68 Playboy у y ag out a variety of PLAYBOY books. 

The paper for last month's issue, all 1875 tons of it, filled 75 boxcars. For the 
ically minded, it may be of note that that i g 51.25 — ewo-and- 
half times what our first issue did — weighed in at 1 pound, 6 ounces (less tl 
half your butcher's charge for good filet mignon), or over five times the original 
issue's 4.1 ounces, and sold over 2,000,000 copies — ап increase over its 10-year-old 
counterpart of 3900 percent. In our first decade of publishing, Р.лувоу — started 
with a total investment of less than 58000 — has sold over 160,000,000 copi 
And now, in а proper mood for celebrating, we'd like to make ou hors’ 
we bestow $1000 bonuses for the t year's best fiction and non- 
both categories produced riches which embarrassed us not at all. 
In the running for the nonfiction laurels were Charles Beaumont, Lenny Bruce, 
И Ben Hecht, Nat Hentoff, and the Williams Iversen 
175 award goes to William Iversen for his penetrating punctui 
ng of the Mr. and Mrs. myth, Love, Death and the Hubby Image, in our September 
эзше. PLAYBOY regular Iversen’s first book. The Pious Pornographers, just one 
of 11 books published in 1963 which first appeared in our pages in whole or in large 
part, is characterized by Groucho Marx as “one-third Perelman, one-third ‘Thurber 
and onethird Benchley and as good as any of the three”; and Virginia Kirkus, 
professional pri tress of book sales and quality, says of “The title chapter is 
well worth the price of the whole book" — which is $3.05. pLaynoy readers who 
dug it in the magazine in 1957 (for 50 cents) would tend to agree. Bill's 4 Short 
History of Toasts and Toasting, in this issue, marks his 16th appearance in PLAYBOY. 

The year’s fictive output was both consummate and cornucopian. Contenders 
for the crown included Ray Bradbury, Grah vene, Walt Grove, Bernard Mala- 
mud, K Purdy, lan. Fleming. Will n, and Bernard Wolfe. The 
editors, however, were animous in their number-one choice: last August's 
Naked Nude, amud's seriocomic etching of an amateur art forger, 
his hed volume of tales, Idiots First. 

Winner M; s. The Magic Barrel, won the 

s N. The following year, it was awarded to 
Philip Roth, author of this month's An Actors Life for Me, for his short 
odbye, Columbus. 
ion ajor Americ 
remar 


be 


story 


Author Reds лає quent novel, Letting Go, 
to The Меш 


York Times, “has a 
befall those who leave themselves defenseless by 
complete sincerity.” 4n Actors Life for Ме, our lead fiction for January, is Princeton 
iterrin-residence Roth's sensitive, probing, dramatic portrayal of а rocksbound 
‘The corrosive and castrating trials of a courtly courtship are allegorically 
isher Wolf Mankowitz in The Very deme 

регі, theatrical producer (Rhinoceros), playwright 
scripter (The Bespoke Overcoat) and novelist (4 Kid for 
Two Farthings), Mankowiu is currently concerned with the possibility of shipping 
his Dickensian musical, Pickwick, from London's West End to these shores. The 
shores of Sicily form the backdrop for Frederic Morton's The Homecoming, wher 
an Austrian wood carver, an amoral American beauty and several unsavory ex- 
patriates and locals add the heat of passion and betrayal to Etna’s steamy environs: 
Morton, whose The 
scripting a filn 


sters that 
iving with what he considers 


of Romantic Loue 
(Expresso Bongo). movi 


FLEMING 


WODEHOUSE 


HEMINCWA 


SCHULBERG 


PACKARD 


MANKOWITZ 


RUSSELL, 


trigue on an international scale — the lifeblood of lan Fleming's James Bond — 
is tour-de-forcefully confined in the normally very proper surroundings of Sotheby's. 
London's swank auction gallery, in The Property of a Lady. Sotheby's showed 
ring a defunct craftsman's drawing for a priceless bibelot which may never 
n made — or which may reside in а secret collection behind the hon Curtain; 
inative Bondman took it from there, as Property proves. Fleming, r 
readers will be happy to hear, has just delivered to us the completed manuscript for 
nother book-length Bond adventure, You Only Live Twice, which we'll serialize 
starting in May. Happily — and predictably — our last Bond serial, On Her Majesty's 
Secret Service (ғілуһоу, April-June, 1963). now in book form, has quick as a rabbit 
ped to a high slot on bestseller lists. 

А celebrated commentator on manners and morals, the highly controversial — 
and widely read — Vladimir Nabokov, inventor of the nymphet and one of the 
world's most meticulous and original stylists in poetry and. prose, makes his first 
appearance in our p a skillful and revealing ew conducted in his 


avoy 


Swiss digs by rravsoy contributor Alvin Toffler, Former Fortune editor Toffer is 


amplification and c 
Ideologies of East and West, Lord Russell looks through a glass darkly at thc power 
struggle between the Capitalist and Communist camps. The prospects before us 
leave him something less than sanguine. In The Uses of the Blues, that uniquely 
American musical idiom is cvocatively tied to the Negro's plig 


whose collection of essays, The Fire Next Time, has been a best se n a Hes 


Broadway openin 
A new vein of isieht ful ge gems has been mined from the unpublished observations 
of Ernest Hemingway. His Advice to a Young Man — further revelatory gleanings 
(sce A Man's Credo, rLavvoy, January 1963) from interviews given to California's 
tion just before his death — is a rich heritage left to 
future generations by the literary giant of his generation, Another Olympian, Pablo 
Picasso, honors us with his presence. Perhaps no other figure of the 20th Century 
has so profoundly influenced art as has the Promethean | 82-year-old painter. The 
ion of the creative genius’ previously unpub- 
lished pronouncements on life, love and the arts — plus a self portr words. 
One of pr avnov's earliest hands, Food and Drink Editor Thomas Mario, fetes 
our anniversary tive Fondue and also a collection of toasting recipes 
to quall while reading Iversen’s historic dissertition on the gloriously magniloquent 
art. Tom's first rLaynoy article, Pleasures of the Oyster, appeared in April 
‘Through the 123 food and drink features we've run in the 
ллувоу' readers have been tantalized into expanding their кош 
| other long-time PLayBoy contributors are on 
deck for the celebration. The work of Alberto Vargas—whose The Vargas Girl 
Circa 1920 will delight those interested in nostalgia and just plain girl watchers — 
first graced these pages in March 1957. Lan nted this month h 
The Boy Allies. ther helping of his deservedly famous satires, this one based on 
the fictional superboys of World War 1. This is the 17th helping of Siegel since he 


horizons by master chef Mario. Sevi 


Siegel is vepres 


first left us laughing in February of 19: A veteran. of almost. seven уса 
PLAYBOY'S $ се, our own Shel Silverstein herein undertakes a comically с 


look at the magazinc's earlier life and times in Silvesstein's History of Playbo 
Various ventures upcoming for Shel include more rravsoy history à la Silverstein, 
a nursery of kiddie books— Who Wants a Cheap Rhinoceros?, Don't Bump the 
Glump and Uncle Shelby's Crazy Poems — plus (оп a somewhat different note) а 
book of his neo-folk songs. Singing no praises for the British sportsman, eminent 
humorist P. G. Wodehouse takes off іп wry pursuit of riding pinks’ high jink 
Fox Hunting — Who N y of what some call sport 
others label barbarism is the theme of Budd Schulberg's The Death of Boxing? 
Fisticulls aficionado Schulberg, who surveyed the first Patterson-Liston fiasco for us, 
uses the second debacle as а point of no return for a sapient indictment of boxing's 
current comatose state. That impersonal and depersonalizing corporate ritual 
management screening; is sel-applied by Vance Packard in On Being a Managerial 
Misfit. Packard, author of The Status Sechers and The Pyramid Climbers, is currently 
at work on а new book of socioeconomic revelations. In this issue, too, 
installment of Lenny Bruce's Pagliaccian autobiography 

Editor-Publisher Hugh M. Hefner's Playboy Philosophy. 

Rounding out our seams-bursting capper for а halcyon decade of publishing, 
we aller: Playboy's Playmate Review, a visual recap of the dozen gatefold girls of the 
past year; Fun and Games, a compendium of party crowd plcasers; pLavnoy's Retro- 
active New Year's Resolutions: Word Pla we Jeebies; Lille Annie 
Fanny: and gift suggestions for the last-minute Christmas shopper. іп toto, a birth- 
day cake topped with the brightest of journalistic candles. So join the celebration 


ds П? А more serious scrut 


s the fourth 
nd another installment of 


Gidget Goes Te 


bea 
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PLAYBOY 


Playmate Review 


Porty Games P. 144 


GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYAOY BUILDING. 232 E, 
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PROTO BY DON BRONSTEIN: P. 35 PHOTOS BY RON 


Fo»: сотякнт © ie» зү IAN FLEMING: P. 
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vol. 11, no. 1 — january, 1964 


CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


PLAYBILL 7 1 
DEAR PLAYBOY = E Е 7 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS... Ж өк 119 
THE PLAYROY ADVISOR 29 
PLAYBOY'S INTERNATIONAL DATEBOOK—Irevel PATRICK CHASE 33 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: VLADIMIR NABOKOV—condid conversation... 35 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM = 47 
THE PLAYBOY PHILOSOPHY—editcrial HUGH M. HEFNER 61 
HOW TO TALK DIRTY AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE—outobiogrophy. LENNY BRUCE 68 


SILVERSTEIN'S HISTORY OF PLAYBOY—humor __ SHEL SIIVEPSTEN 75 
AN ACTOR'S LIFE FOR ME—fiction PHILIP ROTH Ва 
А SHORT HISTORY OF TOASTS AND TOASTING—article — WILIAM IVERSEN 88 
HERE'S HOW—teosts = 90 
... AND HERE'S HOW—drinks m THOMAS MARO 91 
THE PROPERTY OF A LADY—! IAN FLEMING 92 
THE HOSTING JACKET—ottire .. E ROBERT L GREEN 94 
THE WISDOM OF PABLO PICASSO—credo.. š PARLO PICASSO 95 
MM REMEMBERED—pictorial essay x 100 
THE BOY ALLIES—sotire LARRY SIEGEL 111 
THE FESTIVE FONDUE—food . THOMAS MARO 112 
ON BEING A MANAGERIAL MISFIT—article VANCE PACKARD 114 
THE CONFLICTING IDEOLOGIES OF EAST & WEST— BERTRAND RUSSELL 117 


RETROACTIVE NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS—humor 119 
TRIPLE TREAT—playboy’s playmate of the month... 120 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor. 128 


THE USES OF THE BLUES—sol 
THE VARGAS GIRL CIRCA 1920—nostalgia — 
THE VERY ACME OF ROMANTIC LOVE—allegory...... 
FUN AND GAMES—entertainment 

FOX HUNTING—WHO NEEDS IT?—humor 
THE DEATH OF BOXING?—article = BUDD SCHULBERG 151 
ADVICE TO A YOUNG MAN—aphorisms. ERNEST HEMINGWAY 153 
THE HOMECOMING—liction. —— FREDERIC MORTON 154 
WORD PLAY—satire : ROBERT CAROLA 156 


quy. JAMES BALDWIN 131 
ALBERTO VARGAS 133 
WOLF MANKOWITZ 143 
144 

P. G. WODEHOUSE 147 


PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE REVIEW—pictoriol s s 159 
THE MOST REMARKABLE DREAM—ribald classic. 169 
GIDGET GOES TEEVEE JEEBIES—satire 2-2. more 170 


THE ELEVENTH-HOUR SANTA—gifts.. 0... 183 
THE HANGER-ON—satire JULES FEIFFER 233 
THE PLAYBOY ART GALLERY: AMERICAN GOTHIC—humor JIM BEAMAN 239 
LITTLE ANNIE FANNY—satire.. -HARVEY KURTZMAN ond WILL ELDER 242 


HUGH M. HEFNER editor and. publisher 
А. C. SPECTORSKY associate publisher and editorial director 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 


JACK J. KFSSIE managing editor VINCENT T. TAJRI picture editor 
FRANK DE шоқ, MURRAY FIIR, KAT LERMAN, SHFLNON WAX associate rdilors 
ROBERT L. GREEN fashion director: DAUD ТАУ Ой associate fashion editar: THOMAS 
MARIO food & drink editor: PARES CHASE Havel editor: J. vati өлтү consulting 
editor. business © finance: CHNAS. BEAUMONT, RICHARD: СТМ АУ, PAUL KEASSNER, 
KEN W. моки contributing editors: ARLENE WOURAS сору chief: SIAN AMBER сору 
editor: MUNAN LAURENCE JACK SHARKS, RAY WHELINSIS assistant! edilors: WEN 
CHAMBERLAIN asociate фісінге editor: KONNIE BOVIR assistant picture editor: MARIO 
CASI REY OROUREE, POMPEO PESAR. JERRY YULSMAN saf) photographers: FRANK 
кєк, SIAN wausowssi contributing photographers: v sasir models” stylist; 
REID AUSTIN associate arl director; ROX BLUME, JOSEPH. PACZER. assistant arl direc 
1075: WALTER KRADENYCH arl assistant; CYNTHIA MADDON assistant cartoon editor 
Jons мавтко production manager: FERN HEARTEL asistani production manager + 
HowaRD w, LEDERER advertising director: JULES KASE eastern advertising manager: 
josten FALL midwestern advertising manage: qo» мінін Detroit. advertis 
manager: NELSON FUICH promotion director: DAN словак promotion arl direc: 
tor; uer LonscH publicity managers BENNY BUNS public relations manager: 
ANSON MOUND college bureau; THEO PREDEKICK personnel director; JANEY PLERIN 
reader service; wawr помАнн subscription fulfillment manager; inox 
SELLERS special projects; ROBERT reeuss business manager © circulation director 


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DEAR PLAYBOY 


Ë] Abonsss PLAYBOY MAGAZINE * 232 E. OHIO ST., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


LEN? BRU 

As an elen 
found it very dificul 
derstand Lenny Bruce. but after reading 
the first рап of his autobiography 
[How io Talk Dirty and Influence 


try-school teacher, 1 
ш 


People. October. 1963] in your inter- 
esting and informative magazine, I thin 
1 have found а new idol. Thanks for 


helping me find the real Lenny. Bruce. 
1 certainly agree with Will Leonard of 
ihe Chicago Tribune when he states: 
"Lenny Bruce is here to talk about. the 
phony, fr 


Congratulations on the first install- 


nent of Lenny Bruce's autobiography — 
a living Holden Caulfield. 17% 
Arnold Paster 


Madison, Wisconsin 


The Lenny Bruce autobiography is 
certainly a complement to the praynov 
philosophy of unrestricted thought and 
expression. | find his “words” completely 
acceptable and welcome іш my hou 
Аз you probably suspect. 1 am a believer 
in Lenny Bruce, his humor and satire. 

Howard Shoemaker 
Omaha. Nebraska 

PLAYBOY welcomes the comments of 

iconoclastic cartoonist Shoemaker. 


I have been moved beyond all belief 
by your first installment of 
Bruce's excellent autobiography. The 
sensitivity. sincerity and, above all, the 
humanness of th ıt man of our time 
is laid bare for all those who believe in 
the soul to see. 


Lenny 


Ma Erby 
New York, New York 


Your efforts on behalf of the sick, 
dirty:minded Mr. Bruce and your ap- 
ped "jokes" are to be 


proval of his w 
regretted. | have heard some people 
your magazine is the "Devil's Bible, 
and 1 must say 1 now understand why. 
Kenneth Tierne: 
New York, New York 


Т have been a reader of rrAvmov al- 
most since the beginning and have an 


almost complete collection of the mag- 
avines. However, 1 have now bought my 
last one. You used to have good stories, 
and 1 have enjoyed the Bunni 
the stories are now too “sick.” a 
you publish the autobiography of that 
obviously mentally ill individual, Le 
Bruce, something is very wrong. 
Paul 5 h. 
Morris Plains, New Jersey 


Re How to Talk Dirty and Influence 
People, Part 1, by Lenny Bruce, page 
106. With all your research and n 
ing groups. how could you possibly spell 


the United States today? 

1t seems to me that with all the time 
Lenny Bruce spent under the sink pick- 
ing at the linoleum he would have 
m ї сапу age, that 
Mas is in a class all by 
iiscll. 

Don Е. Everett, Advertising Manager 

The S. E. Massengill Company 

Bristol, Tennessee 


d, even at th 
gill Powde 


After reading Part 1 of the autobiog. 
raphy of Lenny Bruce. 1 have come to 
the conclusion that Lenny is sick. 1 do 
not mind so much his comments on sex 
as Т do his comments and jokes on re- 
Asa Jewish clergyman. 1 strongly 
protest Lenny's views on religion. 

Rabbi M. Miller 
Brooklyn, New York 


I have been a reader of PLAYBOY since 


its inception, and over the years 1 have 


bes 


tempted to congratulate you on 
this article оғ that short story many 
consistency of qu 
ity of your publication has 
persisted. 1 was never provided with the 
proper stimulus needed to put me at my 
til How to Talk Dirty 
and Influence People. 

Lenny Bruce is truly a natural comic 
With the perfect balance of pathos and 
introspection, he conjures an accurate 
image of the hypocrisy that engulls us, 
bur prese: h it were a Ішсе! 
must go to Bruce, 


PLAYBOY, JANUARY, эз! 


VOL. ат, но. 1, PUBLISHED MONTHLY ву мын PUBLISHING COMPANY INC. 
ST. CHICAGO. ILLINOIS $061). SUBSCRIPTIONS: IN THE U 5 115 POSSESSIONS. THE PAN AMERICAN UKION AND 


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continue, you need buy only four records a year 
to remain a member in good standing. 


FREE RECORDS GIVEN REGULARLY. If you do 
wish to continue as a member after fulfilling 
your enrollment agreement, you will receive — 
FREE — a record of your choice for every two 
additional selections you buy 

The records you want are mailed and billed to 
you at the regular Club price of $3.98 (Classical 
54.98; occasional Original Cast recordings and 
Special albums somewhat higher), plus a small 
mailing and handling charge. Stereo records are 
$1.00 more. 
MAIL THE POSTAGE-PAID CARD TODAY! 


NOTE: Stereo records must be played only on a stereo 
econ! player. If you do not nov ovn one, hy all means 
continue to acquire regular high-fidelity records. "They 


WIN play with true-to-life fidelity on your present phono- 


гари amd Will sound even more brillant on а stereo 
phonograph If you purchase one in the future 
Records marked with a star (4) have been 
electronically re-channeled for stereo, 


is now belong to the world's larges! record club 


COLUMBIA RECORD CLUB 


Terre Haute, Ind. 


BILL 
DOGGETT 


AND HIS COMBO 


FINGER- 


TIPS 


[ася crmsry minstens) 
тт ды 


lele ч 


АЕ 


THE PLATTERS 


Encore of Galden Hits 


uy 90 


MITCH 
ШИЕ 
Greatest 
Hits 


© Columola Recordi Distrioution Corp, 1904 707/304 


‘BOBBY HACKETT 
plays MANCINI 


RAY 
CONNIFF 


Rhythm 
[cn 


RICK 
NELSON 
MILLION 
SELLERS 
Tmava нін 
MOLD MARY L 
col 


j, ote. (Nat 
in stereo) 


1187. Teens topdrum. 
plays for your dane- 
ing pleasure 


1023. Also: Love for 
Sale, Candy Kisses, 
Marry Young, ete. 


Piana P ve Times 


1065. Also: Dui 
Winds, Vi Wall 
Alone, ‘Lolene, etc. 


1054. A sumptuous 
‘outpouring o! glori- 
‘ous molodiss 


VLADIMIR 
HOROWITZ 


greatest piano re- 
cording."—HIFi Rev. 


1028. Also: Sweet 
Georgia Brown, Phi- 
losaphiziv', etc. 


cancers Бизе} | 
perse 


1013. Also: Twellth 
of Never 
Come to Ме, ete. ж 


3069. Bald, thrilling. 
interpretation of a 
superb symphony. 


Jances for Orchestra | 
DANSE MACABRE 
HABANERA 
POLOVISIN OANCES 


1145. А Hard Rain's 
mna Fall, It's 
AN Right, 12' more 


Orchestra 
p 


Quiet Vil 
Basta md 


JEET) 
E Concerto) 


1985, The perform- 
ance is" most beauti- 
ful.""—The Atlantic 


4025. "Most tavish, 
beautiful, musical; 
triamph!"-Kilgallen 


1046. Also: Fly Me 


To The Moan, 1 Ree 


SOUTH PACIFIC 


АА 


blow 
The Atlantic. 


Tie 
SHOTHERS BROTHERS 
athe 
PURPLE (NIN 


Же 
amy, richiy рег: 
formed.” — High Fid. 


1095. Most exciting 
and thrilling of ali 
Beethoven concertos 


1174. Also. Stormy 
Weather, When The 
Sun Comes Cut, etc. 


Г TARE ROMANCE 
— | 


se; Mean to 
Me, Then Yarll Be 
Happy, ele. 

The Harmonicats 


EL CID 
LA DOLCE VITA 


1058. Alsa: Over the. 
Rainbow, Never on 
Sunday, ote. 


1024. The Good Life, 
Someone to Low, if 
Tove Agai 


THE мизсау АМ 
тын 

пыш, 

Shade 2 P 


Jones 


1080. "This is an ox; 
traordinary chorus." 
—Hew York Times 


3057. Also: Johany 
Reb, Comanche, Jim 


‘tha al di 
Жш. нй. 


Greenfields, 9 тоге 


1050_ Take This Ham- 
Dog Blues, 
ies, 10 more 


1097. Five af Bach's 
mighiiest and most 
popular compositions. 


or ras 
понт TORUM ` $ Mere 


Know 
Why, Grief in My 
Wearl, ete, 


shes 
ef color, tremendous 
warmth. HIF Rev. 


1061. Alia; A Tasto 
gt Henoy, My Honey's 
Loving Arms, ote. 


stish 
Time 5 


кенішті | 


1157. Also: Call Mo 
Irresponsibin, 1 Wan- 
ua Bo Around, etr. 


1003. Also: Voli 
Around The War 
Kansas City, ete. 


Sha, ayna: ot 
i я 
жанын hn stereo) 
t 


1175. Also: 
Kings, ШЇ Mi 
La Strada, ete. 


The Crew-Saders. 


We won't ask how long it's been since you were youngand come іп. A combination of high-bulk Orlon acrylic and 
twenty. We'll simply tell you that these socks are both. stretch nylon, one size fits almost everybody. (King size 
Youthful enough to delight a man whose future is still fits everybody else.) They're made by Interwoven, and, 
ahead of him. And twenty—that's how many colors they аѕ further encouragement, a pair costs only a dollar fifty. 


Xnter woven 


THE GREATEST NAME IN SOCKS 


but for the courage to publish his wit. 
even more praise must go to PLAYROY. 
Mike Burison 
Delray Beach, Florida 


THE RIGHT TRACK 

Locomotive engineers appreciate 
ic pieces about the heyday of 
passenger service as Charles Beaumont’s 
Lament for the High Iron |ervsov. 
October 1963]. The name trains were the 
top jobs for our members. It would be a 
ke to conclude, as the u 
t do, that the railroads are dying off 
because travelers prefer jet. planes or 
their own, or rented, autos. The rail. 
roads are thriving ısporters € 
freight and there is satisfaction for loco 
motive neers in h; ig hotshot 
nd symbol freight trains. 1 might add 
s like myself. appre 
atures of your magii 
ГЕ 


initiated 


Brotherhood of Locomotive 
Cleveland, Ohio 


Charles Beaumont’s Lament for the 
High fron is truly great craftsmanship 
thentic nostalgia, with a пасе of 
‘orgive them: for they know not what 
they do.” in describing the inability of 
modern man to appreciate the luxu 


He knows 
what the rat race and 
done to the passenger t 
so much of what he says and f 
am so grateful for his simpatico tr 
ment ol the subject, that I should stop 
right here. but. precisely because we 
both understand and deplore the t 
trend, perhaps he will grant me a couple 
of quibbles or ca 

First, I question his implication that 
the freight train is “passing 
and will "vanish . . . in our life- 
time.” 1 would bet all 1 own that he is 
wrong about this — exen if he is younger 
than Т think he is, The fan 
on the месі rail is still — by long odds 


el 


— the most economical and efficient form 
of t 


nsportation (except, perhaps, the 
n steamship) and [ think it still 
wil be whi our grandchildren a 


“hight 1 obl 
Now. liule quibble about the 


n. Here he is at his en- 
best in analyzing what has 
са and in expounding the unap 
ted class, cl 
and soul 
train travel, But he 
"refuges" and ^ 
exist and 
anywhere, any time. 

Has he ever traveled betw 
and San Francisco on the 


ance, romance, com- 
g experience of 
mplies that these 
no longer 


are 


was deliberately scheduled slower than 
necessary so the pass G enjoy, 


BEEFEATER 
BEEFEATER. 


Martini Men 
appreciate the 
identifiable 
excellence 


of imported 
BEEFEATER GIN 


UNEQUALLED SINCE 1820 + 94 PROOF + 100% GRAIN NEUTRAL SPIRITS 
IMPORTED FROM ENGLAND BY KOBRAND CORPORATION, NEW YORK 1, N. Y. 13 


PLAYBOY 


14 


There’s only one sound like the Four Freshmen’s. 
And it’s never the same. 


Because the Four Freshmen are always experimenting. Finding 
new ways to bring their jazzy, bluesy, brass-section blend to great 
songs. Finding new ways to make every song they sing more exciting 
to listen to. 

"They've been doing just that for years. 

With the modern jazz sound of songs like “It’s a Blue World?’ With 
quiet ballads and jumping, uptempo tunes. With the swinging excite- 
ment of “This Could Be the Start of Something Big” 

And they've done it again in their new album, “Got That Feelin’ ” 

There’s wild rhythm, brass, and guitar backing by Shorty Rogers. 
"There's a collection of great songs: “Walk Right In; “Basin Street 
Blues? “Summertime” "There's the driving, rousing, rocking new 
Тор 40 sound of the Freshmen. 

You've never heard anything like it before. From anyone. But that's 
no surprise, because it's a Four Freshmen album. 

And like every one, it's exciting to listen to. 

Listen to the Four Freshmen on Capitol, and you'll hear what we 
mean. 


For a start, listen to these newest Four Freshmen albums: 74 ) 


THER FRESHMEN ED ТЕРЕ FRESHMEN IN Hes 


GOT THAT FEELIN’ | 22% 


during daylight from а vistadome, the 
glories of the Colorado Rockies, the 
High Sierras, and the Feather River 
Canyon and at night, sleep through the 
desert? Does he know that it is filled to 
near capacity on almost every trip. and 
that European travelers, in increasing 
numbers, are flying directly to Chi 
and taking the California Zephyr to 
San Francisco, so they can sec the 
country? 


Eldon Martin, Vice-President 
Burlington Lines 


Chicago, Ilinois 


One of my associates, knowing of my 
interest in railroads in general and of 
my predilection for traveling. Pullman, 
was kind enough to send me a copy of 
Charles Beaumont’s recent, exceedingly 
well-written article, Lament for the High 
Iron. 1 spent a most enjoyable 30 or 40 
minutes with the article and heartily 
second all of his statements relative to 
the plus features of a good train. As he 
said so well, there's nothing very elegant 
about eating dinner from a pink plastic 
пау while strapped in a scat. PH take 
а table, crisp linen and sparkling silver 
any day 

1 only disagree with him on his con 
stant use of the past tense, insofar as 
railroad travel is concerned. So many 
journalists seem bem on writing an 
obituary for the rails right now. To 
me, that is all very premature. Every- 
thing now on this earth will eventually 
pass away, but since 1 do a great deal 
of traveling by train, 1 am of the opin- 
ion that no human being now alive will 
witness their complete demis 

Franklin Garrett. Director-Information 

The Coca-Cola Company 

New York, New York 


In his Lament for the High Iron, 
Charles Beaumont. used the most color- 
ful phrascology I have ever seen to de- 
scribe the impressive magnificence of 
steam-cngine railroading. 1 enjoyed 
reading it, but that era is gone forever 
Not so the “railroads” with their effi- 
cient, sleekly streamlined diesel-electric 
operations which ате, and will continue 
to be, the backbone of our national 
transportation system, Charles Beau. 
mont need not shed tears or came 
tombstones for the industry — he should 
have seen the American Railway Prog 
ress Exposition in Chicago last October 


and had his faith rejuvenated 
Ernest S. Marsh, President 
The Atchison, Topeka and 
Santa Fe Railway System 
ago, Illinois 


2h 


It is incredible to think that a whole 
generation of boys are growing up who 
have never lain in their beds of a soft 
summer's night, listenin 
lonesome sob of a steam locomotive, 


never will. Charles Beaumonts article 
evoked all of the bittersweetness ol 
hali-remembered. love that c 
never di ` 
sumed the g mance ol the railroad 
to be a part ol 
order of u 
from WX 


simply 


Detroit 
tanley J. Mann 
Woodbridge. 


LOVE LOST 
For those in search of Satisfied Love 
[Playboy Afier Hours, October 1963], 

looking on page 1415 of the Manhatt 
Telephone Directory will be of no avail. 
However. page 1433 of the directory 
lists Satisfied Love under the number 
UN 5.0735. Unfortunately. several other 
seekers must have discovered your error 
before 1 did. for the line has been busy 
all day. Oh well, I guess TIL sit back 
id enjoy the rest of eravmov while 
Love enjoys her newfound 


Wayne Poopsie 
Great Neck, New York 
Wayne Poopsic?! 


DROPPING A LINE 
Cliché Safari in th 
refreshing, but the authors neglected to 
y that most exciting and d 
— making а scc 
Marty Ambrose 
Detroit, Michigan 


October issue was 


LOVE. DEATH, HUBBY 

Congratulations to the September 
vraywoy and William Iversen for a piece 
Гус long wanted to write myself. Ask 
any litle girl what she wants 10 be when 
she grows up. She says: “А mommy.” 
Does she say: "A wife"? Of course not: 
her daddy is a joke. However. if she 
answer: "A movie s both her 
mommy and daddy are jokes, and 1 
like her. 


Rona [айс 
New York. New York 
And we like this comment fram an 
thoress Jalle of “The Best of Everything” 
fame. 


Until 1 read Love, Death and the 
Hubby Image, 1 had thought that. per 
haps Í was alone in resenting the impli- 
cations of the insistent insurance men 
that I was — along with my hust 
unth foolish and ir 
1 think that pure 
of life insurance is 
а selüish — and. foolish — way of 
spending money. Why should thc hus- 
ad work to carn the money which will 
become useful only when he is 
able to © Why not 
ether now and let the wife accept the 

t she may have to assume the 
responsibilities of supporting the family 
After husband 


at somc 


Great reserves of 

light, dry mountain rums 
give Merito an 
unmatched delicacy and 
dryness. This holiday, 
serve Merito and, 

quite simply, you'll be 
serving the best. 


NATIONAL DISTILLERS PRODUCTS CO.. N.Y. « 80 PROOF 


15 


PLAYBOY 


16 


“Just a subtle reminder, 
friend... customers want 
Angostura in Manhattans!” 


AOSTA 


AROMATIC BITTERS 


Drinkable but 

unthinkable-a Manhattan 
or Old Fashioned without 
Angostura! Don't forget the 
Angostura. Dash it in first! 
FREE! Professional Mixing Guide 
with correct recipes for 256 great. 


drinks. Write Angostura, Box 123P 
Elmhurst 73, N.Y. 


Tee Angostura Wuppermann Corp., 1920 Barnwell Ave., Elmhurst 73, Н.У. 
GA wc, 1963 


has been carrying those responsibilities 
long enough — must. he continue to do 
so even after death? 

I suppose that my position is different 
from that of many women, for 1 have 
no doubt of being able to earn a good 
ng for my two children and myself 
if 1 had to. Circumstances are different 


elsewhere, of course, where the wife is 
са for a good-p 
But 


шр 
lating job. are circumstances so 
universally d nt that our er 
ciety must accept the belief that support- 
ing a family is the responsibility of a 
husband, both before and after his death, 
sublimating any of his “irresponsible” 
ires so that the family and the chil- 
can enjoy much-publicized “to- 

I think not. Before any man 
nd or a father, he is himself 
—a person. 


p: 


Mrs, Harry Charles 
San Diego, Califor 


1 was so incensed by Love, Death and 
the Hubby Image that 1 could hardly 
digest the words, but despite my poor 
assimilation of your big masculinc-ori 
ented message, 1 feel I must speak my 
piece. As an aged woman of 48 and a 
grandmother four times over, I am quite 
farremoved from the subject of your 
article. Bui 1 remember the early days 
with a vivid clarity that colors my think 
ing to such an extent that whenever I 
ied couple enjoying themselves 
in a friendly, companionable manner, I 
think they must be putting on a really 
big show. 

Women do not marry because they are 
fed up with the rat race — those that do 
are shortly able to learn all about rats 

id. As for 


a year for 95 
years? That's routine. Be your own boss? 
No time clock? Well, who do vou think 
is boss, and who better knows it, whe 

he says, "Coming to bed now? 

As for me, past the child-rearing years, 
finally allowed the privilege of 
а rosy-latefor-the-bus-road-runner. 
And I have run away from the house and 
the man and I can run away from you, 
too, 1 can, E can, I can 

“Gingerbread Lady" 
Washington, D.C. 


It is very hard to understand what's so 
belittling to a man about doing some 
household chores. It's patently obvious 
to the most observer that whe 
my husband was a free, happy, hero 
somebody cooked his meals, 
and somebody did his dishes, and some- 
body washed his floors, and somebody 
took саге of his laundry — and. that i 
fact it was all done by the dear boy him- 
self, Now I ask you, was he degraded, 
he persecuted, was he ed be- 
cause he had to do these nasty feminine 


bachelor, 


chores? Hell, no. He was competent. 
Today. he doesn't have to be good at 
every houschold skill, but because w 
both. work all day, he does do his share 
(like the 87 percent you quoted). Why 
not? Why should eith 
be totally the drudge of the other one? 
It is a pity that the pressures of the big 
world tend to kill off a lot of men too 
soon, but J wish Mr. Iversen wouldn't 
try to blame that on demanding, perverse 
wives. The desi 
limited to married. men — in 
ardly limited to men, 1 say. 
Come to think of it, the artide was so 
gallingly resentful thai, although percep- 
tive and well-constructed, it was rather 
out of proportion. lt reminded me of a 
equally impassioned work: Simone de 
Beauvoirs The Second Sex 
Cynthia Kolb Whitney 
Arlington, Massachusetts 


fact, 


ulations to Bill Iversen. The 
only complaint Í have is that it hasn't 
been published in any so-called women's 
magazines! By the way, where is thc 
percent of non-hubby-daddy-se 
hiding? ГА like to put in an order. 

Natalie Ketchum 
Denver, Colorado 


ants 


In reading Love, Death and the Hubby 
Image by William Iverset the Sep- 
tember PLAYBOY, we couldn't help but 
notice the addition of а new adjective 
to the English language — “square-itsall- 
Clevela We come to th 
conclu [ Werter, 
niple-hyphenated word fills a conspicu- 
ous gap in the descriptive terms of our 
language. The word obviously hasa great 
future as a modifier for a whole specuum 
of household appliances. 75cent maga 
‚ and dismal articles with 6-word 


have 


this clever, 


Robert R. Zappala. Arnold Sobol 
Institute of Technology 
ad, Ohio 


SWIFT REPLIES 


Your lom Dirties [Playboy After 
Hours, October 1063] were extremely 
clever and quite enjoyable. May 1 add 


m fasc 
tardy. 


ated by pros said Tom 


tutes, 


Harvey Glassman 
New York, New York 


“L never wea 


alsies,” she said flatly. 
Hammett Murphy 
Knoxville, Tennessee 


ФАП 
weekend, " 


lih are out of town rhith 
1 Tom fruitlessly. 
John R. March 
Boise, Idaho 
And may we add: “It doesn't look like 
I fared too well on my Wassermann,” 
said Tom positively. 


Your choice of gift wraps at no extra cost, 


” 


4 wonderful ways to say “Merry Christmas 


Кз, ЖЯ 


...and a fifth for you 


And, while you're buying Cana 


Club for your fri 
and wish yourself 
ste like yours, 


found out that 


By this tine 
(well: 
to get € 
That shoul 


= IRAU WACKER & SONS UNITED 
WALKERVILLE, CANADA 


ople what they w 
E WADED idl oil, apr 


bons and hand-tied bows. 


PLAYBOY 


For 171 Christmases, the cologne from 
Cologne has been a most welcome gift. 


The first Christmas we remember 
at The House of 4711 was back in 
1792. Thinking back, it's remark- 
able the way things have changed 
since then. 

Still, some things haven't changed 
a whit. Even in 171 years. 

For example, 4711 Cologne'sorig- 
inal secret formula (the gift of a 
Carthusian monk to his friend Our 
Founder) has been stubbornly kept 
intact. Unchanged. Uniquely un- 
tampered-with. 

(A refreshingly stuffy state of 
things in this day and age of New! 
Now! Revolutionary! Improved!) 


So 4711 is still а refreshant cologne, 
not a perfumed cologne. Which 
means (fortunately for The House 
of 4711) that it may be used both 
by men and women. 

To cite a few examples: 

Men like 4711 as а bracer after 
shaving. Women, as a lightly fra- 
grant freshener, one which won't 
interfere with a perfume or per- 
fumed cologne. 

Both like it after a bath or shower, 
or as a brisk freshener now and 
again through the day. 

But The House of 4711 doesn't 
stop at 4711 Cologne; oli no. 


stributors: Colonia, Ine., 41 East 4264 St.. New York 17, N, Ya 


There's also 4711 perfumes, 4711 
perfumed colognes, 4711 bath crus- 
tals, 4711 soaps, and 4711 so on. 
(We might especially recommend 
4711 Tosca Perfumed Cologne.) 

Any of the many 4711 products 
makes an unusually welcome gift, 
especially when done up in а 4711 
holiday gift set. The sort of gift 
which you in particular should 
either give, or receive. 

Now then. Have you been very 
good this year? Will Santa Claus 
bring you a little something from 
The House of 4711 for Christmas? 

Ho, ho, ho. 


The House of 4711 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


ог those of you who dug our puppet 
pictorial revamping of A Visit from 
St. Nicholas in last month's issue, we've 
decided to subject Santa to yet another 
affectionate roasting on his way down 
the chimney. This time we've rewritten 
the original as a return to the old days 
when language was an ornament as well 
as а tool. Gentlemen, herewith a prop- 
erly sesquipedalian rendering of St. Nick 
for your delectation. 

"Twas the nocturnal segment of the 
diurnal period preceding the annual 
yuletide celebration, and throughout our 
place of residence, kinetic activity was 
not in evidence among the possessors of 
this potential. including that species of 
domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. 
Hosiery was meticulously suspended from 
the forward edy 
caloric apparatus, pursuant to our antic 
ipatory pleasure regarding an imminent 
Visitation from an eccentric philanthro- 
pist among whose folkloric appellations 
is the honorific title of St. Nicholas. 

The prepubescent siblings, comfort- 
ably ensconced in their respective accom- 
modations of repose, were experiencing 
subconscious visual hallucinations of 
variegated fruit confections 
rhythmically through their cerebrums. 
My conjugal partner and 1, attired іп 
our nocturnal head coverings, were about 
to take slumbrous advantage of the hi- 
bernal darkness when upon the aver 
ceous exterior portion of the grounds 


of the wood-burning 


moving 


there ascended such a cacaphony of 
dissonance that 1 felt compelled to arise 
with alacrity from my place of repose for 


the purpose of 
source thercol 

Hastening to the casement, 1 forth- 
with opened the barriers sealing this 
fenestration, noting thereupon that the 
ar brilliance without, reflected as it 
s on the surface of a recent crystalline 


scertaining the precise 


precipitation, might be said to rival that 
of the solar зе — thus per- 
mitting my incredulous optical sensory 
organs to behold a miniature airborne 
runnered conveyance drawn by eight 
diminutive specimens of the genus 
Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged 
chaulleur so ebullient and nimble that 
it became instantly apparent to me that 
he was indeed our anticipated caller. 
gulate motive power travel- 
at may possibly have been more 
inous velocity than patriotic alar 
predators, he vociferated loudly, ex- 
pelled breath musically through con- 
tracted labia, and addressed each of the 
octet by his or her respective cognomen 
— "Now Dasher, now Dancer . . 2” et al. 
— guiding them to the uppermost exte- 
rior level of our abode, through which 
structure 1 could readily distinguish the 
concatenations of cach of the 32 cloven 
pedal extremities. 

As D retracted my cranium from its 
erstwhile location, and was performing 
a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished 
visitant. achieved — with utmost. celerity 
and via a downward leap — entry by way 
of the smoke passage. He was clad en- 
tirely in animal рей soiled by the ebon 
resid oxidations of carboniferous 
fuels which had accumu 
thereof. His resemblance to a street ven- 
dor I attributed largely to the plethora of 
assorted playthings which he bore dor 
sally in a commodious cloth receptacle. 

His orbs were scintillant with reflected 
luminosity, while his submaxillary d 
mal indentations gave every evidence of 
aging amiability. The capillaries of 
his malar regions and nasal appurtenance 
were engorged with blood which sulfuscd 
the subcutaneous layers, the former ap 
proximating the coloration of Albion's 
floral emblem, the latter that of the 


ае fron 


ated on the walls 


Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. 
musing sub- and supralabials resembled 
nothing so much as a commou loop knot, 
and their ambient hirsute facial adori 
ment appeared like small, tabular and 
columnar crystals of frozen water. 

Clenched firmly between his incisors 
was a smokingpicce whose gray fumes, 
forming a tenuous ellipse about his occi 
put, were su € ol a decor 
sonal circlet of holly. His visage w 
wider than it was high, and when he 
waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent 
abdominal region undulated in the 
manner of impectinated [ruit syrup in 
phe ver. He was, 
short, neither more nor less than an 
obese, jocund, multigenarian gnom 
the optical perception of whom rendered 
me тіз 


live sea- 
as 


hemi ical соп! 


ly frolicsome despite every effort 
from so being. By rapidl 
lowering and then clevating onc eyelid 
and rotating his head slightly to one 
side, he indicated that trepidation on 
my part was groundless. 

Without utterance and with dispatch, 
he commenced filling the afore-m 
tioned appended hosiery with various of 
the afore-mentioned articles of merch: 
dise extracted from his afore-mentioned 
previously dorsally transported cloth 
receptacle. Upon completion of this task, 
he executed an abrupt about-face, placed 
single manual digit in lateral juxta 
position to his olfactory organ, inclined 
his cranium forward in a gesture of 
leave-taking forthwith effected his 
gress by renegotiating (in reverse) the 
smoke passage. He then propelled him- 
sell in a short vector onto his conveyance, 
directed a musical expulsion of air 
through his contracted oral sphincter to 
the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and 
proceeded to soar aloft in a movement 
hitherto observable chiefly among the 


to relr 


n- 


19 


ruma mU zx 


GOODYEAR TIRES.” 


"AT 428 MPH, THE ONLY 
THING BETWEEN ME AND 
THE SALT WERE 


Іп his own words, this is the story of Craig Breedlove. 
The man who brought the Land Speed Record back 
to America. It is also the story of Breedlove's faith in 
Goodyear. А trust Breedlove staked his life on. 


А CAR OR А COFFIN 


“Take it from me, when I started building my racer, The 
Spirit of America, I didn’t know if I was building а car or 
a coffin. At speeds I was thinking of going. there was а 
good chance my trip to the Salt Flats would be one-way. 
But I was just determined enough not to think about it 
too much. 

“Tt was three years ago, in Costa Mesa, California, when 
the work really began. I had saved a few dollars so I 
bought a war surplus J-47 engine. I moved it into my 
garage. 


IT TAKES CASH TO BUILD A RACER 
“To build a Bonneville racer it takes money. Lots of it. 
You can know all there is about cars, design and engineer- 
ing... but the real problem is money. 
“Every nut and bolt must be paid for. And to cut comers 
оп а racer is like cutting your own throat. 
“So I contacted several larze corporations I thought 
would be interested in my project. I had drawings of the 
Spirit plus a model. 1 also had a detailed flip-chart to pre- 
sent the facts as clearly as possible. Guess I sounded a 
little naive to some of the executives. Here I was, twenty- 
three years old with a dream to drive a car over four 
hundred miles an hour... and I was asking them to invest 
a lot of money. 


GOODYEAR AND SHELL COME THROUGH 


“Finally, after traveling over half the country, two breaks 
came. First, Shell Oil Company decided to help me. Then 
Goodyear said they would make the tires! 

“Tires to a racer are like feet to a runner. Without them, 
you just sit there. Goodyear knew tires better than any- 
one in the business . . . and best of all, they knew Bonne- 
ville racing. In 1960 Mickey Thompson was driving on 
Goodyear tires when he pushed his Challenger І to the 
fastest one-way speed ever recorded on the salt until now. 
“But I needed more than just tires. Let me explain. The 
jet car I was building would, I hoped, move across the 
flats at speeds two or three times faster than anything at 
Daytona or Indianapolis. Also, my car would weigh 
more than 3 tons. With that weight at those speeds, each 
pound of tire would have to take about 12,000 pounds of 
centrifugal force. A tire failure under those conditions 
could scatter me and my car over half the state of Utah. 


GOOD/ YEAR 


MORE PEOPLE RIDE ON GOODYEAR TIRES THAN ON ANY OTHER KIND 


THE FASTEST TIRES ON EARTH 
“Тһе Goodyear engineers were great. They threw them- 
selves into the project like men possessed. Meanwhile the 
Spirit was starting to take shape. 
“Іп the summer of 1962 wc took the car to the Salt. I was 
the happiest guy in the world. 
“The trip was a complete failure. The car would not steer 
properly. The fastest man on wheels was still John Cobb, 
of England. His two-way average speed of 394.2 mph 
was still the world record. 
“So we took it back to the garage for a long winter of 
changes and checks. Even the tires, perfect as they were, 
went back to Goodyear for more testing. Goodyear has a 
high-speed dynamometer. With this machine they ran my 
tires at more than 600 mph— fastest speed any land tires 
have traveled. Not one failed. Plenty safe for me. 


SHOWDOWN ON THE SALT 

“August of 1963 found us up on the Salt again. This time 
the car was performing like a jewel. Then on the morning 
of August Sth, at 7:15 a.m. to be exact, I sat in the Spirit 
at the far end of the long black line that marks the 10-mile 
course. The wind was right. The official timers were in 
place. The car checked out. This was the precise moment 
that all my work and plans and dreams had led me to. 
I pushed the throttle forward. Moments later my drag 
chute popped. І had gone through the measured mile at 
388.49 mph. We turned the car around and, again, 1 
followed the black line to its end. Before 1 knew what 
had happened there were people swarming all over the 
car. My crew was yelling and shouting. I had made the 
second run at 428.37 mph. An average of 407.45 mph. 
A win. 

“Its all over now. And looking back І know I have many 
people to thank. Goodyear for being there when I needed 
them. For the tires only they could build . . . so perfect 
-..80 right... that I never thought about them... or 
worried about them, even at top speeds. 
Which is how it should be with tires. 
And it's" tly how it is with 
Goodyear tires.” 


21 


PLAYBOY 


22 


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speed motor. Rugged, handsome, sur- 
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At camera shops, hi-fi dealers, leading 
stores, Write for brochure G-12. North 
American Philips Company, Inc., High 
Fidelity Products Division, 100 East 
42nd Street, New York, N. Y. 10017. 


Noreleo 


seed-bearing portions of a common weed. 
But 1 overheard his parting exc 
audible immediately prior to h 
beyond the limits of visibility 
"Ecstatic yuletide to the planetary con- 
stituency, and to that selfsame assem- 
blage, my sincerest wishes for а salubri- 
ously beneficial and gratifyingly ple: 
able period between sunset and daw 


ur- 


Beat-the-system players may take heart 
from the recent ruling of а Federal 
judge in Milwaukee, who decided. 0 
a person found guilty of embezzlemer 
need not pay 
he stole. 


come tax on the money 


Jessica (The American Way of Death) 
Mitford dropped by to hello the 
Other day and Drought us a presenta 
pretty coloring book, on the cover of 
which is a picture of a little boy and a 
little girl, hand in hand, entering а huge 
wrought-iron gate. We glanced at the 
ttle, all in caps— FOREST LAWN 
COLORING BOOK — and sm 
ly, being no little used up on colori 
book ind dubious sick jokes, and 
deeming this to be а rather elaborate 
combination of the two. But we were 
wrong, Miss Mitford pointed out, This 
ight, no-joke job, published by 
the Forest Lawn Memorial-Park Associ 
uuring 29 scenes from "Forest 
wn Treasures” and designed, pres 

to make the wee tads on the cov 


ed wan- 


directi 


Police were mystified, reports the Kala- 
muzoo, Mid Gazette, when the 
drivers of two volved in а head-on 
сой stepped quickly their 
autos and fled the scene on foot — until 
it was discovered. that both cars were 
stolen. 


from 


іс 


Bah, Humbug Department: A San 
Francisco fricnd of ours swears he wit 


текей the following street scene during 
the downtown holiday rush. We quote 
from his note, scribbled on a gre 
card: “Vendor hawking windup Santa 
Claus dolls on corner. Най a dozen 
running around on sidewalk. Man asks, 
How much? Vendor says, "Fifty cent 
Man hands him one dollar. Stomps 
heavily on two of 
Parts fly, Man smiles contentedly, w: 
oll into dusk." 


BOOKS 


In need of a quick but careful gift for 
a friend you respect? You can't beat a 
book — with this one caution: Make sure 
you know the dimensions of your friend's 


mind. This knowledge and a full-fledged 
bookshop (shun all-purpose emporiums) 
will do the job. The season is rich 
rich volumes that will bring long-run 
cheer to your bib с buddies and 
bunnies. Here are 
Discovery of Painting (Viking, 525) is the 
ost sumptuous prim pprecia- 
in а long while. One 
need not agree with all of French art 
curator René Berger's notions of what 
makes painting great to take 
pleasure in the hundreds of excellent 
gravure illustrations and  hand-tipped 
plates which he uses to demonstrate his 
points, and in the elegant design of 
the book as a whole. 
Lovers of the City of Light will find 


on art 


tion we've seen ii 


a literary and pictorial picnic in А 
Vision of Paris (Macmillan, $19.95). Editor 
Arthur D. Trottenberg had the excellent 


idea of juxtaposing the incomparable 
prose of Marcel Proust with the 
sepitoned plates of brilliant turn-of- 
the-century photographer Jean Eugé: 
Augus 
re 


Atget. The result: an evocative 
tion of lovely things past. 

For sprightly profiles of 2350 quotable 
notables to enliven somebody's reference 
shelf, uy a fresh updating of Celebrity 
Register (Harper & Row, $25). Editor 
Cleveland Amory and stall come off more 
like gossips than biographers, but the 
a fair amount of wit (Caldwell, Erskine. 
cported to have “the imagination ol 
the big bawd woll’) and refreshin 
little bowing and scrapi 

The 050 Nüersteiner 
Unterer Rehbach Riesling Feine Spät- 
dese Kabinett and everything else having 
to do with the vine of the Rhine and 
environs are uncorked in The Great Wines 
of Germany (McGraw-Hill, 
guaranteed to quench all 
knowledge, and may inspire a thirst for 
the r thing—as the promotion 
minded authors, André L. Simon and 
. F. Hallgarten, doubtless intended. 

A host of insights into the minds of 
nturies of artists, from Lorenzo 
i of Florence to Jackson Pollock 
of Long Island, are available in 
handsomely boxed volumes of Letters of 
the Great Artists (Random House, 515). 
edited by Richard Friedenthal. Over 300 
documents accompanied by a like num- 


ysteries of а 


Ivy 
t for 


two. 


ber of ill do not solve the 
mystery of er ; but they do demon- 
strate that the concerns of the 


much the same 
nce — method. 


artist have ren 
since the Early Ren 
money and mistresses. 

The Book of American Skiing (Lippincott 
$17.50) is a picturesque treatment of the 
most picturesque of sports. With the 
assistance of more than 300 photographs 
author Ezra Bowen traces the techniques 
surveys the slopes and profiles the per 
sonalities that make skiing what it is in 
this country. He even includes recipes 


lor Glühwein, hot buttered rum and 
cheese fondue. 

In А Ше in Photography (Doubleday, 
$19.50), Edward Steichen uses а few 
thousand words and 234 photographs to 
пасе his long career as a master taker 
of pictures. If there is still any doubt 
as to the quality or nature of his genius, 
it will be set to rest by the brilliant array 
of portraits included he notably of 
showbiz notables, which he made in the 
1920s and 19305. 

The Bedside Playboy (Playboy Press, 
5.95) is a 500-page. nugget-filled tome 
mined from the pages of PLaynoy 
Among our old friends revisited, you'll 
find Ray Russell, Charles Beaumont, 
Ray Bradbury, Frederic Brown, Arthur 
С. Clarke, Кеп W. Purdy, Larry Siegel, 
William Iversen, Herbert. Gold, Ben 
Hecht, Jules Feiffer and Shel Silver 
stein, ad infinitum, ad encomium. Spiced 
by Party Jokes and Ribald Classics, and 
sprinkled liberally with cartoons, The 
Bedside Playboy offers the perfect light 
touch before lights out. 

А trio of entertaining and instructive 
hooks make fine Christmas fare for the 
c. Most sumptuous is The Motor 
Car/An Ilustrated History (London House 
& Maxwell, 511.95), by Gianni Marin 
and Andrea Mattei. The reader is trans: 
ported by words and pictures from 
Cugnors Ste: of 1770 to 
Donald Campbell's ill-fated Bluebird of 
1060: it proves a fascinating journey. 
A History of the World's Classic Cars (Harper 
& Row, 57.05), by Richard Hough and 
Michael Frostick, is more limited in 
scope, confining itself to the golden 
ages of the automobile in E 
France and Belgium. vermany and 
Austria, Italy and the 17.5. А. The black 
wd-whiteofflser reproduction of photos 
and old advertisements leaves something 
to be desired, but the profusion of hand. 
some machines compensates for the defi- 
Gencies. J. D. Scheel’s Cars of the World in 
Color (Dutton, 55. nslated from the 
Danish by D. Cook-Radmore, is crammed 
from cover to cover with reproductions 
(some almost postage-stamp size) of 
hundreds of automobile paintings by 
Verner Hancke. What the artwork lacks 
in finesse it makes up in volume. It 
an ideal book for automotive brow: 
where else could one find a two-page 
spread containing illustrations and in 
formation on two Cisitalias, a Diatto. 
three Isouta-Fraschinis and a 1906 Itala? 


autopl 


land. 


Six years a P. Donleavy won 
admiring readers with the outrageous, 
breath-taking humor of his first novel, 
The Ginger Man. Donleavy's second 
novel, A Singular Man (Atlantic-Liule, 
Brown, 56), is the same sort of frag- 
mented, picaresque comedy, but it is 
even funnier. Itt 


ls of some months 
in the life of George Smit 


а shady 


Who put the King in Nat King Cole? 


You did. 

In the years since Nat King Cole recorded “Straighten Up and Fly 
Right; his songs have become a part of the times. "Nature Boy!’ 
“Mona Lisa” “Too Young" “Unforgettable” “Answer Me, My Love" 
"Non Dimenticar” 

And why did you put the King in Nat King Cole? Because of songs 
like those. And because of his voice. The rich, distinctive, unforget- 
table voice that sets him apart from everyone else. And because of his 
unique style. The way Nat King Cole gives a song every bit of meaning 
and emotion it was meant to have, 

And finally because of the man himself. The warm and human 
personality you hear every time you listen to Nat King Cole. 

Why did you put the King in Nat King Cole? Simply because he's 
a great entertainer. 

Listen to Nat King Cole on Capitol, and you'll hear what we mean. 

ҰЛҒА 


Fora start, listen to these newest Nat King Cole albums: 


IRSE LAZY AZV ІШТЕ 
МАТ KING СОЕ => || RAT KING (ШЕ |> 
== RUSE = i: 
| : 
| 
DXX Grime 


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MEM COMPANY, INC. 
347 Fifth Avenue, New York 


STANLEY KRAMER 


ORIGINAL MOTION 
PICTURE SCORE 


New York businessman in his thirt 
Smith is separated from his predator 
wife and. their four children, who bleed 
him for money: he is haunted by a dis- 
inte 

Cedric Calvin Bonniface Clementine 


nating former schoolmate named 


he is stricken with love for an elusive 
blonde model who 
needs more money than he has: he is 
hounded by anonymous enemies, sur- 
istically 


md capricious 


re present everywhere, who 
shadow and threaten. him. His only 


rock. of stability in all this is Ше air- 


conditioned luxury tomb he is having 
built for himself. The world about him 
is one ol victims and victimizers — 


desper h ioo much ife. 
uying to daw over one another's backs 
alter money and sex. While Smith is 
making love to his secretary for the first 
time. he silently lectures her on the 
consequences: “Shirl will su 
face will make me skip in fear. And vou 
will tell me to do шу own typing . . 
And then he joyfully surrenders to the 
tenderness he knows is only momentary 
but no less precious for that. His friend 


me. Bormi- 


Bonniface warns him. “Don't hold the 
world in distrust. Its mice out here. 
Provided you have padding Dor the ribs 
md protection lor the groin.” Smith's 
annor is mediocre, but nevertheless — 


frantic, worried, hilirious — he does go 
out into the world again and again. T 
is what gives an edge of pathos to this 


work of a screamingly comic imagination. 


In his guerrilla warfare 
hypocritical times. Jules Feiller operates 
in Iwo areas ob combat, In onc. he 
ambushes the external political, eco 
nomic and social power structures. In 
the other, he opens internal wounds of 
loneliness, relationships in which there is 
no relating. amd free-floating anxiety. 
Feifer's Album (Random House. S105) is 
concerned. primarily with this inner 
maze. Most of Feiller's present protago- 
nists, some of whom have already been 
introduced to praynoy readers, fall pre 
nd ro their 
it 
was in the murmuring womb— a process 
shown most provocatively in The Lonely 
Machine, one of three cartoon stor 
The Relationship is a wordless distill 
tion of that common American shadow 
ly called An Intense Love 
Айай That Didu't Work Out. The illus- 
tiated parts of the book also include a 
remarkably tender and yet softly mocking 
fable, Excalibur and the Rose, which, 
imong other thing 
dislocation as a сше for narcissism. 
Feiller’s. prose pieces, too, have their 
trenchant moments, but he is at his best 
when his lines— verbal and visual — 
intersect. At those times, he is most 
apt to hit his dyingatthecenter ta 
gets dead. center. 


даны our 


to their own ev 


ions 


hollow stratagems (o collect love a 


play usu 


is a lesson in sell- 


RECORDINGS 


The following is a Christmas contin- 
gent of impressively packaged LP albums 
to gladden the heart of a audiophile 
no matter what his aural predilections 

The most elegan offering for the vule 
is undoubtedly Artur Schnabel/Beethoven: 
The Complete Piono Sonatas on Thirteen Discs 
(Angel): the luxurious pack 
its contents 
htLP album of Herbert von Karajan 
conduct the Berlin. Philharmoi 
performances оГ Beethoven's Sym- 
phonies (Deutsche Grammophon). Issued 
for the fist time is Arturo Toscanin 
the Philadelphia 
IMI perlormance of Schubert's “Great” 
Symphony in C Mojor, No. 9 (Victor). А 
lul portlolio-styled packaging ol 
Mendelssohn's Incidental Music to o Mid- 
summer Night's Dream (Victor). played. by 
the Boston Symphony Orche 
the direction of Erich Leinsdovl, includes 
a set of Boydell engravings based on the 
Shakespeare play. Jascha Heifetz and the 
Chicago Symphony Orchestra under Fritz 
Rei: r perform Brahms’ Violin Concerto in D 
(Victor): alor 
homely mounted appraisal of. Hei 
lez by Samuel Chotzinoll. The Horowitz 
Collection (Victor) is a twin delight, fc 
turing а [ull range of Horowitz per- 
formances plus full-color reproductions 
of the moduari masterpieces in the 
pianist's collection. The Julian Breem Cor- 
sort/An Evening cf Elizabethan Music (Victor) 
also combines sights and sounds: accom- 
panying the recording is a booklet rich 
with reproductions in full color of 
Elizabethan paintings. A Treasury of Music 
of the Renaissance (Elektra) is performed 
by the singers and instrument 
Société de Musique D Autrefois: it spans, 
оп two records, the music of 15th and 
16th Century France, Italy and England. 

Opera bulls will hosanna Puccini's 
Tesco (Victor) featuring the magnificent 
voice of Leontyne Price, the Vienna State 
ор hilhar 
monic Orchestra under Herbert von Ka 
rajan. Bach's бойт Matthew Passion 
(Columbia), with Leonard Bernstein and 
the New York Philharmonic, is sung in 
ish by the Collegiate Chorale and 
7 Choir of the Church of the 
ation: there is included an 
additional seven-inch LP of Bernstein 
discussing the work. In the same vein is 
the four LP album of Handel's Messioh 
(Westminster), given a stirring perform- 
ance by the Vienna Academy Chorus and 
the Vienna State Opera Orchestra under 
the baton of Hermann Scherchen; fe 
tured soloists are Picrrette Alaric, Nan 
Merriman, Leopold Simoneau and 
Richard Standen, 

For followers of the spoken word, 


лу 


ging matches 


There is the monumental 


Orchestra 


beau: 


under 


with the record 


ists of La 


Chorus, and the Vienna 


there are gliuering goodies: Edward 
Albec’s acid-dipped Broadway smash, 
Who's Afraid of Virginio Woolf? (Columl; 
is acted, on four discs, by the or 
cast. Paul Scofield gives a definitiv 
formance of Shakespeare's Hamlet. (Сас 
mon), with Diana Wynyard and Wilfrid 
Lawson adding to the merits of this four- 
LP album. Sir Winston Churchill / First Hon- 
orary Citizen of the United States (Colpix) 
contains excerpts from the ex-Prime 
Minister's most famous speeches deliv- 
cred with the rolling resonance and 
rich phraseology which were uniquely 
his. 

The jazz fancier has not been neg 
lected by St. Nick: there is өп hand 
The Ellington Era, Volume One (Columbia), 
covering the Duke's orchestral efforts 
from 1927 through 1940; it is three 
LPs’ worth of jazz history in the mak- 
ing. A three-disk jazz potpourri, The 


Greatest Nomes in Jozz (Verve), gleaned 
from that labels consummate catalog, 
reads (and sounds) like a Who's Who 
of Jazz. While not issued as one pack- 
ge, the four-LP series Jazz ot Preservo- 


tion Hall (Atlantic) should be an in toto 
must for lovers of New Orleans jazz: 
it encompasses the leading purveyors of 
an ancient jazz form which refuses (and 
justifiably so) to die. 

As an added attraction, for the folk- 
niks, we oller A Treasure Chest of American 
Folk Song (Elektra), a lyrical history of 
the U.S. A., sung by Fd McCurdy, who 
is accompanied by ex Weaver Frik 
Darling. It is a. two-disc cornucopia of 
Amcricana. 

Bill Evans’ Conversations with Myself 
(Verve) is an exceptional LP. The 
pianist has electronically overdubbed 
himself into a trio — and a trio of Bill 
Evanses makes the listener thrice blessed. 
Not merely a technical tour de force, it 
is а major creative achievement, Among 
the items Evans turns his six-handed at 
tentions to: Stella by Starlight, ‘Round 
Midnight and Hey There. 


Miles Davis/Seven Steps to Heaven (Colum- 
bia) finds Miles dividing his time and 
the LP between recording dates in New 
York and Hollywood. The quintet 
tackled standards on the West Coast and 
п. We'll give the 
nod to Davis & Co.'s West Coast han. 
dling of Basin Street Blues, 1 Fall in 
Love Too Easily and Baby Won't You 


Please Come Home, perhaps because 


originals in Manha 


Miles’ inventive brilliance more clear- 
ly defined against the backdrop of 


standards. 


Their best recording to date, for our 
money, is Peter, Paul and Mery/In the Wind 
arner Bros). The title is taken from 
Bob Dylan's moving Blowin’ in the 
Wind, which the trio performs evoca- 


No slide projector ever 
looked like this before. 
Or did as much. 


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Handles regular trays, too. 


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Makers of View Master Products, Portland 7, Oregon 


25 


PLAYBOY 


26 


Just Published! 


he 
Prudent 
Man 


TAX DODGING 
AS AN ART 


BY H. F. MILLIKIN 


The upper bracket Prudent Man, 
who never seeks legal loopholes with 
tax deductions, is а myth. In his 
place are the masters of the art of 
lax evasion. Rich and getting richer. 
they employ a thousand and onc 
lawful dodges to keep their taxes 
down. 

H. F. Millikin, а long-time ob- 
server of financial deviousness. has 
brought these dodges to the light of 
day for the benefit of all readers, 
prudent nprudent, whether 
users of the short form or the long. 
He probes the mysteries of the Swin- 
dle Sheet, that padded but perfectly 
legal expense account on which the 
prudent (not prudish) business 
сап deduct his luncheons and the 
prudent farmer can write off a six- 
teen thousand dollar African safari, 

Among the great figures anato- 
e the shipping magnates 
who have given tiny Panama the 
world’s largest merchant fleet, Prince 
Rainier of poor little taxless Monaco, 
the multi-millionaires who “bank 
Swiss.” and the artfullest dodgers of 
all. the oil rich with their untouch- 
able tax privileges. 

To cover these big-time savers and 
others, Mr. Millikin takes us on а 
global tour of what he calls “the 
paradises for the prudent.” tax hı 
vens like Bermuda, Liechtenstein and 
Andorra. The final result n enter- 
taining, first-rate exposé of the great 
national game of tax evasion. 52.95 


and 


an 


mized a 


ABELARD-SCHUMAN 
6 West S7th St, New York 19, М.Ү. 


Тат a taxpayer. Please rush my copy of . 


PRUDENT MAN. Enclosed is 


ADDRESS ZONE 
спү STATE 
Add 4% sales tax if in New York City 


tively. Three other tunes, all on side 
one, are equally good — Very Last Day, 
Long Chain On and Rocky Road. The 
roup is syrup smooth, the mate 
nonsaccharine. Folk music in a different 
idiom is oflered on The World of Miriam 
Mokeba (Victor. The South African 
songstress conveys her native rhythms 
nd melodies with expression and a voice 
filled. with ances of her 
homeland. 


the exotic n 


Toke Ten[Pav! Desmond (Victor) finds 
Dave Brubeck's alto ego off оп his own 
hook, and doing very well, thank you. 
Aided not inconsiderably by top-drawer 
guitarist Jim Hall, Desmond dispenses 
lush tonalitics on seve themes from 
that jazz breeding ground, Black Or- 


heus, along with the odd-tempoed title 
tune and five others. Keeping things 
а rhythmic keel are bassist Gene Che 


(replaced by Brubeck man Gene Wr 
on Take Ten) and MJQ drummer Con- 
nic Kay. Раш, et al € consistently 
compelli 


We give top grades to Paul Winter Sextet/ 
New Jaze on Campus (Columbia). Fresh 
Irom triumphs overseas as American 
ambassadors without portfolio. and 4 
White House command performance 
the Winter Wunderkinder have taken to 
the college circuit. Here, in concert at 
the universities ol Kansas, Colorado and 
as City, the group displays a youth- 
ful disdain for the musical cliché, Win- 
ters alto and soprano work is augmented 
by the stellar performances of baritone 
ist Jay Cameron and pianist Warren 
Bernhardt, making for an LP that pro- 
vides the Wintei 


a22 


ka 


ol our content. 


MOVIES 


What happened to Ше custard pie? 
105 the only slice of slapstick omitted. 
from 1% a Mad, Mad, Mad. Mad World, 
Stanley Kramers three-and-a-hal-hour 
Technicolor Cinerama comedy. The film 
is as inflated as its title, but it contains 
such а wealth of wackiness 0 
will be left laughless. "The plot has been 
chosen to provide maximum chances 
for chases: the “wienit suitcase full 
of $350,000 buried 15 years ago by a 
crook (Jimmy Durante) who zooms off 
а twist road while Hecing 
from the cops. Before he — figura 
nd literally — kicks the bucket (; 
sight gag), he mumbles 
the money to some passing motorists, i 
dudin rried Milton Berle (who h 
а harrying mothe ihel Mer 


no one 


Californ 


vely 


m 


uud. driver Jo Winters: 
agwriters Mickey Rooney and Buddy 
Hacker: dentist Sid Caesar and wile 


Edie Adams. First th 


friendly, the 


they're Irenctic as they try to beat one 
another to the spot in Southern Cal 


or- 
buried. Spence 
acy is the detective chief who's h 
them all tailed by helicopter and patrol 
car: Phil Silvers and Terry-Thomas also 
get well into the many acts; and the list 
of other stars and near stars is lengthy. 
in опе deliriu 
y тире. pratfalls, ex 
plosions, lights, fires, and а finale atop 
а fireman's extension ladder. that plays 
crackthewhip. Comic genius the film 
lacks, but if vou laugh at only 20 percent 
of the gags, you'll still be busy. 


nia where the boodle 


у 


Merry and sends us another 
aty movie, а bit merrier than most. 
Billy Lior is comic in its method but cut- 
ting in its meaning—the story of a 
20-vearold Midlands clerk (Tom Lons 
Distance Runner Courtenay), who can’t 
help fantasticating in conversation and 
living half his life i tion 
(When he's caught in a lie, there's a 
sudden drcam flash of him with a tommy 
1. spitting bullets at the people whe 
represent the reality he hates.) Because 
he is so helplessly inventive, Billy gets 
himself engaged to two girls he «өсегі 
want to marry, gets in a pretty 
with the petty cash in his office, gools 
himself into thinking he has a London 
job as a comic's scriptwriter. А soulmate 
girl, who loathes their itty-bitty 
life, has the nerve to break loose and 
light our for London: but at the last 
minute Billy бик, Alot 
back up the street to his parents’ hou 
heading imaginary dream-cou 
battalion — bur we see him sinki 
the dreary dai le in which he is 
a humdrum m Steig's Dreams of 
Glory cartoons and Thurbers W; 
Mitty are ancestors of Billy: but he is not 
just а pipe-dream type. He is а sava 
symbol of youth urged to have dreams by 


ng 


his im 


mess 


also. 


he trudges 


ge 


society that keeps him from fulfilling 
his second film. John 
made 


(A Kind of Loving) Schlesinger ha 
Billy Liar tell the truth 


Saupe off a 
inches of 


couple of 
Hollywood 


postcard patina 
and The Wheeler Dealers is а pretty sharp 
comedy, gi 
Wall Street, Texas 
George J. W. Goodman 
with Good 
flung some fresh fl мо the screwball 
formula, James Garner is a Boston-born 
Yale man, now a wildcat oil. prospector 
in Texas, who lias to raise a bankroll in 
New York; so he dons Stetson, string tic 
and thata cent. Lee Remick is a 
security 1 brokerage hou 
an excuse to dump her, her boss gives 
her a dud stock to dump. There's a lack 


ating in some 
ad New England. 
ad Ira Wallach 
"з novel as a Da 


€, hà 


c 


nalyst i 


as 


of security in Arthur Hiller's direction, 
and the plot moves only when some- 
body pushes it— but the incidental 
touches touch it up. Like: Garner is 
about to get into а cab ac Idlewild when 
old lady ms him in the puss with. 
idbag. climbs into the cab herself 
and says, Та teach. you. manners, 
young man.” Or: Three Texas zill 
aires m a steam room decide to vü 
Garner up Noth. One picks up a phone 
gives oi 

banks. ls in a pla 
scenes, ther 


her 


ler, and ihe ste: 
ic. Despite some weak 
s a lot of pertinent imperti 
nence dealt out in The Wheeler Dealers. 


room 


Oedipus, but not very complex, is the 
husis of Take Her, She's Mine, à comedy 
by Nunnally Johnson, out of Phocbe 
and Henry Ephron’s play, about a 
father's uibulations with a college-age 
daughter as he realizes that her activities 
now lie outside the chastity belt. In 
these travels from the temperate to the 
erogenous zone, James Stewart stews as 
the perturbed p: 
dish, Audrey Meadows is the ma, and 
Robert Morley makes a much-appreci- 
ted appearance as а patient English 
arent in Paris. Paris? Yes, the daughter's 
semidelinquencies take her from campus 
to café, via a young French painter she 
meets in college. Necessity is the mother 
of most of this comedy's invention, but 
Stewart knows how to get all the fire out 
of good old American ire. Sociologist 
will note that, as usual, much fun is 
made of poets, antibomb movements and 
modern painting: more novel is the fact 
that one Harvard man on the make 
fects a J. F. К. accent and appearance. 
Can you imagine a swain imitating Ike 
or Harry? 


ma 


ndra Dee is the deep 


Audrey Hepburn in a picture 
plenty. Anything che that’s good — 
t, direction — is just a bonus 
In Charade there's no bonus of. conten- 
tion: it has a trim, tight performance by 
Cary Grant; Walter. Matthau nasalizes 
niftily as a CHAnik; and director 
Stanley Donen deftly keeps the reels 
turning. Gontinental comedyanystery is 
the caper. Audrey is the America 
— suddenly — of а Frenchma 
suddenly, several gentlemen ar 
ing to her, with guns and knives, that 
they want the loot which her louse 
spouse did them out of, and of which 


script, 


widow 


she has never heard. For help she leans 
on Cary, who sort of materializes out 
of thin debonai nd he ides her 
through a gavotte of gaiety and g 
including some roof-top wrestl 
bathtub burial. Peter Stone's plot is 
ht on logic, but it wends its way with 
p cracks, so all's well that wends well. 


ай 


How to tell In Eggnog 
from the 
Other Stuff 


Some e; in, some is out. An 
infallible way to tell is to taste it. 
Another way is to steal a look at t 
label of the spirits it was made froi 
If the label says “Bacardi,” Brother, 
is in. 

To make it yourself, mix half a 
rdi with a quart of 
y nor mix, sprinkle with 

nutmeg and chill. (By the way, a 

ecipe that’s so far out it’s back 
in, is to drink the Bacardi on-th 
rocks the night before and have 
the eggnog mix for breakfast. 
First-rate.) 

In any case, have a huge party. 
If it uses up cnough B 
in. Show us you have the Chi 
spirit! 


BACARDI 


LEADER FOR IOI YEARS 


© Bacardi Imports, Inc., Miami, Fla. 
Rum, 80 proof 


you are С үз? 
unique, 
extraordinary, 
inimitable, 
beyond 
compare 


іп a тоовіет! 


£ 


ToOsler 


АП WALLACHS STORES in Greater New York = BASKIN, Chicago 8 Suburbs = LIEMANDI'S, Minneapolis = ZACHRY, 
Atlanta = HANNY'S, Phoenix anc other fine stores.. .2.50 = ROOSTER CRAFT, INC., 10 E. 40th STREET, NEW YORK 


27 


You are 
about to hear 
the magnificent 
sound of 
CLE EE the exciting nuu шы у 
new 
Sony 
Sterecorder 
200... 


...at your dealer's today. Less than $239.50, complete with two dynamic microphones and the revolutionary Sony 
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Valley, California. w All Sony Sterecorders are multiplex ready. In New York visit the Sony Salon, 585 Fifth Avenue. 


SUPERSCOPE 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Д. а result of frequent and, at first, 
innocent visits, 1 have become amorously 
involved with a friend. Because of me 
secks a divorce. Her husband 
grees to this and has expressed a desire 
to have custody of our eight-month-old 
daughter. This is, I think, mutually 
satisfactory, but 1 wish you'd advise us 
on how to overcome the obvious social 
s. — W. C, Boston, Massachusetts 

The same way you've overcome them 
thus far — with your eyes shut and your 
mind out of gear. You say that becau: 
of you, your friend seeks a divorce. Bul 
since she's хо willing to abandon your 
child, we suspect that the most impor 
lant person in her life is none other than 
the lady herself. The courts. of course, 
will decide who gets custody of the child. 
But you seem destined to get custody of 
her husband's shoes. You may find that 
they pinch. 


she now 


V have a drinking problem, but it's not 
quite what you'd imagine. 1 have lunch 
with my boss fairly frequently and he 
happens to be a three- or four-martini 
man who equates an ability to hold one’s 
liquor with manliness, business success, 
eressiveness, ete. The catch is that one 
prelunch cocktail dulls my faculties to 
the point where it's about all I can do to 
yet through the rest of the workday 
Without making an ass of myself. I have a 
feeling that if I spill it to my boss that 
I'm beuer off doi 
to mark me no good, but 1 still hate to 
act muddleheaded in the afternoon. Any 
solution to my dilemma will be appre- 
ciated. —D. K., Houston, Texas 

Honesty, to coin a cliché, may be the 
lest policy in this case. As tactfully as 
possible, explain to your boss that he has 
his choice — he can have а drinking part 
ner and a half-day executive or he can 
accept your alcoholic allergy and have 
your clearheaded. services on tap for a 
full workday 


g without, he's going 


Bs it acceptable to offer a guest a pipe 
from your own rack for an after-dinner 
smoke? Is it acceptable to ask to borrow 
one? — J. O., Heidelberg 

Pipes, like toothbrushes, are neither 
borrowed nor lent. Back in the old days 
the proper host kept a supply of clay 
pipes on hand for his guests, to be used 
once and then thrown away. These are 
still obtainable, and, as a host, you can 
offer them. As a guest, it’s never proper 
to request a pipe. If you don't bring 
your own favorite Driar when you step 
out to dinner, yow'll have to settle for 
a postprandial cigar or c 


Germ 


ММ... exactly is the difference between 
а raglan coat and а balmacaan coat if 
there is any dit — V. Wa 
AWashington, D. G. 

Raglan refers specifically to а sleeve 
that extends upward to the neckline of a 
garment (which could be a sweater, jacket 
or shirt, as well as a coat); it forms a slant- 
ing seamline running [rom the underarm 
to the neck. A balmacaan, however, is a 
type of coat — loose. flaring, and made of 
rough woolen fabric— identifiable by its 
small round collar and raglan sleeves. 


Н.о. Ive got a nest egg tucked 
away that I'd like to hatch into something 
profitable by investing in the stock mar- 
ket. I'm pretty much of a tyro and m 
not quite sure how one goes about 
choosing a broker. Of course, I could use 
someone a friend recommends, but is 
there a more scientific approach t 
that? — R. Y., Detroit, Michigan. 
There are assorted ground rules Io 
help you line up a good broker, and act- 
ing on a friend's recommendation is 
among them — providing, of course, that 
the friend has а history of successful 
investment. A good broker should be 
ready, willing and able to supply factual 
information, to obtain opinions from his 
firm's analysts, to offer sound advice on 
basic investment procedures and, on re- 
quest, on the buying and selling of 
specific issues; when orders ave placed, 
he should be able to execute them 
promptly and efficiently. Of prime con- 
cern should be whether your man’s firm 
operates exclusively as a broker, or is 
diversified into a number of areas — as a 
dealer, underwriter, commodities trader, 
etc. П is important, also, to know your 
man's background and previous experi- 
ence, and the number of accounts he is 
handling for his firm; you want him to be 
able to have cnough time to service your 


account properly. It would be wise, also, 
to find out what shares your broker per- 
sonally owns; it might influence his 
recommendations, Ask for the firm's 
financial statement and samples of тес- 
ommendations it has made іп recent 
months. Then, even though you have 
major sums to inuesl, iry your man out 
on a modest order. If the test run turns 
out satisfactorily, then you can have him 
handle your complete portfolio with 
confidence. 

In the light of the. substantial sums 
that are often involved, it’s amazing how 
many people give less thought to their 
choice of broker than they would in 
choosing an accountant to handle their 
lax returns, 


THAT MAN 


He has the will and where- 
withal to do as he pleases. 
When he talks, men uncon- 
sciously hunch forward to 
listen. When he looks at a 
woman, she feels all woman. 
You may admire him; resent 
him. But no one can be indif- 
ferent to him. 


His cologne and personal 
grooming accessories are 
“That Man’ by Revlon. 
A lusty tang of lemon, 
tabac and amber ... аз 
diferent from others as 
That Man is from the 
тип of men. 


PLAYBOY 


30 


Но. many gallons are there in a 


D. Wilmington, Dela- 


Casks vary widely in size and. don't 
have a standard capacity. Their capaci- 
ties can range [rom the approximate 
127 gallons of a South African leaguer 
and the 115 gallons of a cask called a 
port pipe to the 112 gallons of one called 
a pin. 


"The girl I go with has а problem. She 
"t get interested in sex until after she's 
vared up and down the highway for an 
hour at the wheel of my car (or hers) 
at speeds in excess of 100 mph. I say she 
should become aroused in a more nor- 
mal fashion (even the sw 
and-drink date le 


ca 


es her cold if it's not 
capped with one of these joy rides), but 
she says fast driving is kicksville for her. 
1 am especially concerned because she 
is not a very good driver, though she has 


vet to have a wreck.— C. L. Brockton, 
Massachusetts. 
Kicksville? Thats more like grim- 


reapersville. Unless she gets some psy- 
chiatric help in a hurry, yowre both 
heading for trouble, Until she’s straight- 
ened out, let her hurts put you in the 
driver's seal. 


F remember some time ago in your col- 
umns you put forth a tongucin-check 
recipe for Flaming Roc Egg in response 
10 а reader's request for something exotic 
п the way of an egg dish. Seriously, 
though, what do you have in the way of 
t recipe that is both wildly exotic 
and yet within the realm of possibility: — 
8. N., Chicago, Illinois. 

How about trying this one on for size 
on your front burner? We're indebied 
to that master gastronome Alexandre 
Dumas and his “Dictionary of Cuisine” 
for the following: 


me 


ELEPHANTS FOOT 

Take one or more [eet of young ele- 
phant, skin them, and bone them after 
soaking in warm water for 4 hours. Cut 
them into 1 pieces lengthwise and once 
across. Parboil jor 15 minutes. Dip in 
fresh water and dry with a cloth. 

On the bottom of a heavy pot with a 
tight lid put 2 slices of Bayonne ham, 
then your pieces of elephant foot, then 4 
onions, a head of garlic, some Indian 
aromatic spices, 12 botile of madeira 
and 3 ladlefuls of bouillon. Gover tightly 
and simmer for 10 hours. Remove the 
fat. Add 1 glass of port and 50 little 
green pimientos blanched in boiling wa- 
ter lo preserve their color. 

The sauce should be well flavored and 
very sharp. 


E work in the purchasing department of 
а rather large corporation. Although my 
lary is fairly modest, I do have a posi- 
tion of responsibility, one in which Iam 
alled upon to recommend the awarding 
of a great deal of the company's business 
to outside contractors. Which brings me 
to my problem. The other day the vice- 
president of one of the contracting firms 
dropped by my office, inquired about a 
big contract his өшін was interested in 
lading, and them, after some ve 
fencing back and forth, suggested (cir 
cumspectlv. I must admit) that if his 
firm was awarded the contract, on wl 
he felt his company had made an 
tive bid (it had) and was well q 
to handle (it was), he'd let me 
stock deal that would make me a lot of 
money on a small investment. T think my 
ethical standards are as high as the next 
man’s, and 1 would no more take a busi- 
ss bribe than steal, but. this seems to 
all into а gray area which isn't covered 
by my personal code. First, as Т said 
before, I'm sure the man's company will 
do a good job and the bid is a very 
reasonable one; im fact, 1 had already 
decided to recommend that they be 
ded the contract before the У.Р. 
recent v wcond, could the man’s 
Пу be construed as a bribe? 
"o payoff involved; merely a 
tip on what he says is a sure thing. I'd 
а stock killing but will I 

elf if 1 do? — K. M., 


in on a 


Hey 


love to mak 
be compromising my 
Detroit, Michigan. 
You certainly will. No amount of ra- 
tionalicing will change the fact that the 
VPs siren song was strictly “Here Comes 
the Bribe.” Tell the man to forget the 
stock tip: if his company deserves the con- 
lract on its own merit, by all means go 
ahead with your recommendation. 


A Sricna of mine is getting married 
next month and I want to know if there 
is such a d га guy? 
If so, what sort would be the best to 
sive? АҮ. New Orleans, Louisiana. 

Sorry. If by "shower" you mean a 
party-cum-gifts similar 10 those for the 
bride-to-be, the answer is definitely no. 
There's nothing to prevent you from 
throwing a prenuptial blast for your 


as a shower fi 


friend, houses 


ІМ, 
during 
wrong 
wide open. Who's correct? — R. 
tagh, New Yor! 

To look or not to look is purely а 
matter o| personal taste. However, when 
your partner adamantly insists that you 
assume any particular attitude, chances 
are it bespeaks something amiss in her 
own. If it’s just a whim, why not humor 
hes? Or perhaps she'll settle for one eye? 


irl insists I keep my eyes closed 
ny serious kissing. 1 see nothing 

i with my eyes 
‚ Wa 


[Га going to be in Europe for the 
months of May and June, I'm an auto- 
racing buff, so I was wondering what 
major auto events I might be able to 
t in while I'm over there, — 5. M., 
Washington. D. 

You couldn't have picked а better 
time for auto racing; the calendar is 
crowded with premier competition. 
First, there’s the Grand Prix de Monaco 
on May 10th, then the German Grand 
Prix at the Nürburgring on the 24th. 
followed by the Grand Prix of Holland 
at Zandvoort on the 31st; June th, 
there's the Belgian Grand Prix at Spa, 
the 20th and 21st is Le Mans, and the 
Grand Prix of France will be held at 
Reims on the 28th. All in all, spectac- 
шағ race spectating. 


Р.с clear the air; Гуе heard AM-FM 
tuners called both stereo and multipl 
15 there any difference between the two? 
— R. N., Des Moines, lowa. 

There is a fine distinction. The tech- 
nical means of transmitting FM stereo — 
that is, the broadcasting of two or more 
signals on the same carrier frequency — 
is known as multiplexing: 


Recently 1 began dating a lovely 22- 
year-old whose family came to this coun- 
try only 10 years ago. Things were going 
fine until her brother stepped into the 
picture. He told me thar if I didn't plan 
to marry his sister, I should stop seeing 
he added that if I didn't follow 
th my legs. He has 
50 pounds on me and I believe him. 
How can I avoid both marriage 
fractures —and keep seeing this 
who would like me to continue da 
her? — L. T., Oakland, California. 

Since the sister is on your side, have 
her explain to Big Brother that іп 
America marriages are not arranged, but 
grow from mutual interests which can 
only be uncovered through dating, Pre- 
sumably he’s been here long enough to 
realize that women rate free and equal 
treatment, and the sister may be able to 
get across the idea that she’s old enough 
to make her own decisions. She might also 
point out that his menacing attitude 
will only jeopardize her prospects, by 
driving off or crippling all potential 
suitors. If this doesn't work, you can 
either exit laughing or begin stockpiling 
crutches. 


Ill reasonable questions — from fash 
ion, food and drink, һ and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette 
=will be personally answered if the 
writer includes a stamped, self-addressed 
envelope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 232 E. Ohio 
Street, Chicago, Hlinois 60611. The most 
provocative, pertinent queries will be 
presented on these pages each month. 


Playboy Club News i 


©1963, PLAYBOY CLUBS INTERNATIONAL 


ISTINGUISHED CLUBS IN MAJOR cities SPECIAL EDITION 


VOL. IT, NO. 42 


YOUR ONE PLAYBOY CLUB KEY 
ADMITS YOU TO ALL PLAYBOY CLUBS 


JANUARY 1964 


LAST CHANCE FOR PLAYBOY’S TRIPLE GIFT 


Christmas Special Includes Club Key, Champagne, 
Party Photo for Price of Key Alone 


CHICAGO (Special)—This is your final opportunity to order The 
Playboy Club's unique Christmas Triple Gift! You can let friends, 
relatives and business associates enjoy the wonderful world of 
Playboy beginning with the holiday season and for countless days 


Keyholders: Dial a Bunny 


For speedy shopping, key- 
holders can order Triple 
Gifts from a Playboy Club 


Bunny by phone, 
to their key. 

Los Angeles 213 WE 7-3014 
Phoenix 602 264-4314 
San Fran. 415 YU 2-2711 


ind charge 


and nights afterward, but you 
must act now, for this offer сап- 
not be made again. Orders placed 
by December 20 will be prompt- 
ly filled and dispatched. 

Here's what each lucky man 
will receive when you extend the 
Playboy spirit this Christmas: 
1. His personal Playboy Club key. 
This coveted silver symbol of 
the good life will admit him to 
every Playboy Club anywhere 
in the world. As new Playboy 
Clubs are opened (six Clubs 
are open now and several pre- 
mieres are planned within the 
next few months), his key will 
provide entree to each. The key 
thus grows in value, gives more 
and more pleasure as each year 
passes, constantly recalls your 
thoughtfulness. 

2. А bottle of fine champagne. 
Upon his first visit to The 
Playboy Club a beautiful Bunny 
will bring a bottle of Playboy's 
champagne to your friend's 
table, with your compliments. 
He'll start his membership іп 
the proper party atmosphere, 
with a sparkling reminder of 
your corking good taste. 

3. Playboy party picture. As a per- 
manent memento, the new key- 
holder will have his picture 
snapped by the Club's Camera 


Champagne on the house —part of Playboy's Christmas Tri 


Bunny, who will mount it in a 
souvenir holder. Thanks to you. 
he'll be able to relive the glamor 
of the occasion every time he 
looks at the photograph. 

Each gift key, accompanied 
by certificates entitling the re- 
cipient to champagne and party 
picture, is mailed to the recip- 
ient in a personalized package 
including a colorful Christmas 
card hand-signed with your 
name. 

The advantages of The 
Playboy Club will be unlocked 
for years to come by this most 
thoughtful gift. The pleasures 
of this "20th Century Dream- 


world," as Variety calls it, await 
new keyholders in many forms, 
including the privileges of re- 
laxing in your own Club, man- 
sized drinks, gourmet menus, 
outstanding entertainment and, 
of course, the beautiful Bunnies. 

To order your triple-gift keys 
use the coupon on this page. 
And if you don't have a Playboy 
Club key yoursell, what better 
time than now to get in on the 
most exciting night life in 
America. Just check the appro- 
priate box for your triple gift. 


This offer is not extended in any 
state or locality where the making of 
such offer is prohibited or restricted. 


San Francisco Club 
Construction Begins 


Construction began in Octo- 
ber on the San Francisco 
Playboy Club, at 736 Mont 
gomery St. which is sched- 
uled to extend the expanding 
key chain from Coast to 
Coast by this summer. Add- 
ing to the night life of Los 
Angeles will be the first com- 
bination Playboy Club and 
hotel, opening later on Sun- 
set Boulevard. The Phoenix 
Playboy Club is a year old. 
Exciting news for key- 
holders is the recent an- 
nouncement of the opening 
of the Manila Playboy Club 
—first of many overseas 
Clubs—atop the Katigbak 
Building in one of the city's 
most exclusive sections. 


$25 TAX DEDUCTION 


A $25 Playboy Club ke 
es a business gift, is fully а 
ductible under 1963 Internal 
Revenue Service regulations. 
The rules allow a deduction of 
$25 per recipient for as many 
such gifts as you give. 


PLAYBOY CLUB LOCATIONS 


en—New York at 5 E. 
59th St.; Chicago at 116 E. Walto 
St; StLouis at 3914 Lindell Blvd. 
New Orleans at 727 Rue Lborville: 
Phoenix at 3033 N. Central; Miami 
at 7701 Biscayne Blvd. 


Next in Line—Washington, Bos- 
ton, Dalles, Pittsburgh. 


Nail to: PLAYBOY CLUBS INTERNATIONAL 


с/о PLAYBOY Magazine, 232 Е. Ohio St, Chicago, Illinois 60611 


Gentlemen 


кезет {йр 


(Full payment must accompani 
key number. Playboy Club Rey: 
radius of Chicago and the sta! 
privileges is 23 years.) 


Enclosed is check for 3. 


order (triple gift includes key. champagne and photo) 
application for triple-gilt membership 

О persona! and triple gift key order 

is coupon. Playboy Club members may charge to th 
те $25, except lor those persons living within a 75 mile 
‘St Florida, where Keys are $90. Minimum age tor key 


NV NAME 


RDDRESS 


ary 


ADDRES: 


m 


„or charge to my Playboy key: md 
(LETTER & NUMBER) 

(PLEASE PRINT) = ! 

ZONE STATE OEPT. 2429 1 

erderina versonat trike alt key on, you need not complete this portion. << р 

SEND TRIPLEGIFY KEY TO — PEASE PRIN — — r] 

= E ' 

CETERO TO BE SIGNE — — at | 

Use separate sheet of paper to order additional gift keys, ' 
C) Check here if you wish only information about joining The Playboy Club. 

---------............. 


(ines emanet INE, 1 WEST S7TH STREET, N- Y., N. Y. 


Spray Perfume and Cologne 
(Both Refillable) 10.00 


Spray Cologne ond Both Powder 10.00 


Eau de Cologne from 3.50 


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CHANEL 


Perlume From 7.50 


CHANEL 


PLAYBOY'S INTERNATIONAL DATEBOOK 
BY PATRICK CHASE 


CLIMATIC. CONDITIONS in March, with 
newborn spring breezes busily invading 

ery area іп the Northern 
tend to stir the blood of 
the winter-weary traveler i x 
indinations. March is the month of 
peripatetic exploration, the start of a 
season when the thirst for novel milieus 
can only be slaked by loot-loose and cire- 
free roving through a variety of attr 
locales. “Plan Twenty-two" is a rece 
organized European travel plan w 
caters to this wanderlust engendered by 
the coming of spring. Geared to the 
needs of the traveler with sophisticned 
tastes but little knowledge of European 
byways, the organiz: 
age unlimited 


ion provides — mi 
car, individually p 
pared maps eravies, and prepaid 
“wip cheques” providing for daily 
expenses at nearly 100 
hotels and gow 
the aegis of the famous French Reluis 
de Campagne, The manager of each 
establishment, as you follow a leisurely 
route of your own choosing. will at your 
i i e reservations [or you 
at your subsequent caravansary. There 
re Relais members in Spain, Portugal. 
Sweden, France, Belgium. Holland. Lux- 
embours, Germany. Switzerland. Austria, 
Italy, Denmark, Liechtenstein and Eng 
land. You can buy any number of these 
шір cheques at 529 cach, depending 
upon the number of days you plan. to 
мау at each or any of the member 
stations. 

Domaine de la Cour, the Freuch ver- 
sion of a dude ranch. is a modernized 
country manor in Vichy, a municipality 

o ollering golf, tennis, day- and live- 
pigeon shoot 
shows, bullfight 
ing, plus opera and ba 
two gambling casinos. А 
horseback excursions through the val 
leys and forests of the Bourbonnais. the 
Domaine offers you а choice of 25 
excellent horses and — for the saddle 
novice — has three topllight ridi 
structors on hand. You m 
а day. or take 
program includi 
daily canter through the [oi 
full day's jaunt to any of the 
able points of interest. 

Should your appetite for travel ¢ 
more exotic fare, a quick plane vip to 


ms. charming 


et restaurants, under 


horse 


horse тас 


у stay lor only 
Iwantage of а one-wee 


to r— lively, 
fortable and dille 
t the Ritz or the 
luxuriously Moorish El Minzah, vou 
сап vary your time by strolling through 


the great Socco market place, the ancient 
Mendouba Gardens near the Sultan's 
palace, or lazing away the hours by the 
seaside. It goes without saying that 
exotic dishes are the rule rather than 
the exception at any of the city's pic 
turesque restaurants, and many pleas- 
ant evenings may be spent in the 
municipal casino. 

Another Mediterranean spot at which 
to take the M. 
sure to t 


hi sun is Corsica, but be 
by boat rather than 
- The island ned For the heady 
ts that meet the incoming ships. 
scents originating in Ше island's ringled 
c д bramble dotted with 
juniper rel, and myrtle 
lavender, wild rose and honeysuckle, 
thyme, heather and rosemary. Sul 
largely undiscovered by Ame п travel 
ст. its purewhite beaches and snow. 
capped mountains remain unspoiled and 
pristinely attractive. The Napoleon 
Bonaparte Hotel at 1 Tle-Rousse ollers 
room with bath plus three meals for 
$12.50 а day, with а cisim 
a number of outstanding gourmet rest 
rants purveying such Corsican specialties 
as blackbird pate. 

Northward into Daly, just 11. miles 
beyond Rome in the Frascati hills, lies 
the Villa. Fiorio, а handsome country 
hotel converted fro ı 18th Century 
hunting lodge. The area is the source 
of some of It most noted wines. 
The villa irse has 22 rooms, cach with 
private bath, and exch regally decorated 
with antique furniture. Bs cuisine and 
large outdoor swimming pool attract 
great numbers of guests, including, such 
as Elizabeth Taylor and the Shah of Iran 

Should your springtime travel take 
you to the West Coast. of. continental 
U.S.A. don't pass up the chance to 
sample California s wines in the bistros 
and smart dining spots of San Francisco, 
or overlook the fact that the «500,000 
acres of sunny vineyards to the north, 
south and cast of San Francisco. played 
host to many curious visitors last year. A 
call to the Wine Institute before you 
depart from the city will tell you which 
ones are open to the public along your 
projected itinerary; or you can make а 

of the € 
ha new orga 
Incorporated. In Saratoga, just 
s south of San Francisco, one of 
the major wineries schedules: guided 
tours — observation and sampli 
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шыған VLADIMIR NABOKOV 


а candid conversation with the artful, erudite author of “lolita” 


Few authors of this generation have 
sparked more controversy with a single 
book than a former Cornell University 
professor with the resoundingly Russian 
name of Vladimir Vladimirovich Na- 
bokov. “Lolita,” his brilliant tragicomic 
novel about the nonplatonic love of a 
middle-aged man for a 12-year-old nym- 
phet, has sold 2,500,000 copies in the 
United States alone. 

It has also been made into a top- 
grossing movie, denounced in the House 
of Commons, and banned in Austria, 
England, Burma, Belgium, Australia and 
even France. Fulminating critics have 
found it to be “the filthiest book I've 
ever read,” “exquisitely distilled sewage,” 
“corrupt,” “repulsive,” “dirty,” “deca- 
dent" and “disgusting.” Champions of 
the book, in turn, have proclaimed it 
“brilliantly written” and “one of the 
great comic novels of all time"; while 
Nabokou himself has been compared 
favorably with every writer [vom Dostoi- 
cushy to Krafft-Ebing, and hailed by some 
as the supreme stylist in the English 
language today. Pedants have theorized 
that the book is actually an allegory 
about the seduction of the Old World by 
the New —or perhaps the New World 
by the Old. And Jack Kerouac, brushing 
aside such lascivious symbolism, has an- 
nounced that it is nothing more than a 
“classic old love story.” 

Whatever it is, Nabokov would 


“A work of art has no importance to 
society. Н is only important to the indi- 
vidual, and only the individual is impor- 
lant to me. I don't give а damn for the 
communily, the masses, and so forth." 


to be incongruously miscast as its author. 
A reticent Russian-born scholar whose. 
most violent passion is an avid interest 
in butterfly collecting, he was born in 
1899 to the family of a wealthy statesman 
іп St. Petersburg. Fleeing the country 
when the Bolsheviks seized power, he 
made his way to England, where he en- 
rolled as an undergraduate at Trinity 
College in Cambridge. In the Twenties 
and Thirties he drifted between Paris 
and Berlin earning a spotty living as a 
tennis instructor and tutor. in English 
and French; achieving a modest degree 
of fame as an author of provocative and 
luminously original short stories, plays, 
poems and book reviews for the émigré 
press; and stirring praise and puzzlement 
with a trio of masterful novels in 
Russian — “Invitation to a Beheadin 
“The Gift" and “Laughter in the Dark.” 
Finding himself again a refugee when 
France fell to the Nazis in 1940, Nabo- 
ko emigrated with his wife to the 
United States, where he began his aca- 
demic career as a research fellow 
vard's Museum of Comparative 
Now writing in English — in a style rich 
with inventive metaphors and teeming 
with the philosophical paradoxes, ab- 
struse ironies, sly non sequiturs, multi- 
lingual puns, anagrams, rhymes and 
riddles which both illuminate and ob- 
scure his work — he produced three more 
novels during his subsequent years as а 


reudism and all it has tainted, with 
its grotesque implications and methods, 
appear to me to be one of the vilest 
deceiis practiced by people on themselves 
апа on others. I reject it utterly. 


professor m Russian and English litera- 
ture at Wellesley, and then at Cornell. 
First came “Bend Sinister,” an unsettling 
evocation of life under а dictatorshi, 
then "Pnin," the poignant, haunting 
portrait of an aging émigré college in- 
structor; and finally the erotic tour de 
force which was to catapult him almost 
overnight to world-wide eminence — 
Lolita.” 

This brief recital of biographical facts, 
however, outlines only the visible > 
bokav, revealing nothing of the litile- 
known interior man; for the labyrinth of 
his creative intellect has remained a hall 
of mirrors to all who have attempted to 
explore it. And his amused indifference 
to the most erudite appraisal of his work 
and worth has served merely to enhance 
the legend of his inscrutability. Shunning 
personal publicity, he grants interviews 
only rarely — having consented to see 
PLAYnOy only after satisfying himself 
that the subjects we proposed to discuss 
were worthy of his attention. 

Tweedy. bespectacled, absent-mindedly 
professorial in mien, the 64-year-old 
author greeted our interviewer, frec- 
lance writer Alvin Toffler, at the door of 
Nabokov's quiet apartment on the sisth 
floor of an elegant old hotel оп the 
banks of Switzerland's Lake Geneva, 
where he has lived and worked for 
the past four years — most recently 
producing “Pale Fire?" the extraordinary 


1 shall never regret "Lolita? She com- 
pletely eclipsed my other works — at 
least those I wrote іп English; but 1 can- 
not grudge her this. There is a queer, ten- 
der charm about that mythical nymphet.” 


35 


PLAYBOY 


story of a gifted poet as seen darkly 
through the eyes of his demented editor; 
and a belated English translation of. 
In a week-long series of 
hich took place in his 
study, Nabokov parred our questions 
with a characteristic mixture of guile, 
candor, irony. astringent wit and elo- 
quent cvasivencss, Speaking in a curiously 
ornate and literary English lightly tinc- 
tured with а Russian accent, choosing 
his words with self-conscious delibera- 
tion, he seemed somewhat dubious of his 
ability to make himself. understood — 
or perhaps skeptical about the advisa- 
bility of doing so. Despite the good 
humor and well-bred cordiality which 
marked our meetings, it was as though 
the shadowed universe within his skull 
was forever beckoning him away from 
a potentially hostile world outside. Thus 
his like his fiction — in 
which so many critics have sought vainly 
10 unearth autobiography — veils rather 
than reveals the man: and he seems to 
prefer it that way. But we bel 
interview offers a fascinating glimpse 
of this multileveled genius. 


conversation 


сәс our 


PLAYBOY: With the American publication 
of Lolita in 1958, your fame and fortune 
mushroomed almost overnight from high 
repute among the literary cognoscenti — 


which you had enjoyed for more than 30 


years — to both acclaim and abuse as the 
world-renowned author of a sensational 
best seller. In the aftermath of this cause 
célèbre, do you ever regret havi 
ten Lolita? 

NABOKOV: On the contrary, I shudder 
pectively when I recall th 
өшсін, in 1950, and 
951. when I was on the point of bur 
ing Humbert Humbert slittle black diz 
No, I shall never regret Lolita. She was 
ke the composition of a beautiful puzzle 
— its composition and its solution at the 
since one is a 
the other, depending on the way vou 
look. Of course she completely eclipsed 
my other works —at least those | wrote 
in English: The Real Life of Sebastian 
Knight, Bend Sinister, my short stories, 
my book of recollections; but Í с; 
fudge her this. There is a queer, te 
arm about that mythical nymphet. 
PLAYBOY: Though n 


write 


rror view of 


readers and r 


tender, few would deny that i 
so much so that when d 
Kubrick proposed his plan to make a 
movie of Lolita, you were quoted as 
saying, "Of course they'll have to change 
the plot. Perhaps they will make Lolita 
а dwarfess. Or they will make her 16 
and Humbert 26." Though you fi 
wrote the screenplay yourself, several ге 
wers took the film to task for watering 
down tl 
tished 
NABOKOV: | thought the movie was ab- 


solutely first-rate. The four main actors 
deserve the very highest praise. Sue Lyon 
ı that breakfast t 
on her sweater in the ca 
ioments of unforger 
cu 


bring 
pulli 


эз. The killing of Quilty is a 
masterpiece, and so is the death of Mrs. 
Haze. 1 must point out, though. that I 
had nothing wW do with the actual pro- 
duction. H 1 had. I might have i 
sited on i n things th 
were nor stressed — for example, the dif- 
ferent motels at which they stayed. All 1 
did was write the sercenplay, a prepon- 
portion. of which was used by 


PLAYBOY: Do vou fecl that Lolita's two- 
fold success has affected your life for the 
better or for the worse? 

NABOKOV: 1 gave up teaching — tl 
about all in the way of change. Mind 
vou. 1 loved teaching. T loved Cornell, 
I loved composing and delivering my 
lectures оп Russian writers and 
at books. But around 60, 
especially in winter, one begins to find 
hard the physical process of te 

the getting up at a fixed hour every other 


the driveway, the march through long 
corridors to the classroom, the cllort of 
drawing on the blackboard а тар of 
п or the arrange- 
nent ol the semi-sleeping car of the St. 
Petersburg-Moscow express in the сапу 
18705— without an understanding of 
which neither Ulysses nor Anna Kare- 
nin, vespectively, makes sense. For some 
reason my most vivid memories concern 
exa ions. Big amphitheater in Gold- 
win Smith. Exam from 8 a.m. to 10:30. 
About 150 students — unwashed, 
shaven young mates and reasonably well. 
groomed young females. А general sense 
of tedium and disaster. Half-past eight. 
Little coughs. the clearing of nervous 
throats. ing in clusters of sound, 
ges. Some of the martyrs 
plunged in meditation, their arms locked 
behind their heads. 1 meet a dull gaze 
directed at me, seeing in me with hope 
nd hate the source of forbidden knowl- 
edge. Girl in glasses comes up to my 
desk to ask: “Professor Kafka, do you 
want us to say that . . . ? Or do you 
want us to answer only the first part of 
the question?” The great fraternity of 
(C minus. backbone of the natios 
seribbling on. А rustle 
tancously, the majority turning a page in 
their bluebooks, good teamwoi The 
of a cramped wrist, the failing 
nk, the deodorant that breaks down. 
hen 1 catch eyes directed at me, they 
те forthwith raised to the ceiling in 
pious meditation. Windowpanes getti 
misty. Boys pecling off sweaters. Girls 
chewing gum in rapid cadence. Ten 
minutes, five, three, time's up. 

PLAYBOY: Citing in Lolita the same kind 
of acidetched scene you've just de- 


James Joyce's Dubl 


un- 


v 


alled the book 
commentary on 


scribed, many critics have 
a masterful satiric socia 
America. Are they righ 
NABOKOV: Well, I can only repeat that I 
have neither the intent nor the temper 
ment of moral or social satir 
Whether or not critics think that in 
Lolita | am ridiculing human folly leaves 
me supremely ind 
the glad 
Ameri 


noyed w 


I 


self that there is “nothing more exh 
ing than American Philistine vulg: 
L T 
been lifted out of context, 
a round. deep-sea fish, has burst 
in the process. If you look up my little 
afterpiece, "On a Book Entitled Lolita,” 
which 1 appended to the novel, you will 
see that what 1 really said was that in 
vulgarity — which Т 
is most es ing 
exists between. American a 
ı manners. E go on to say that 
1 from Chicago can De just 
English duke. 


regard to Philistine 
do feel 
ference 


PLAYBOY: Ma 
that the Philistinism you seem to find 
most ilarating is that of Americ 


sexual mores. 
NABOKOV: Sex as 


n insituti 
sex as a problem, sex 
ll this is something 1 
find too tedious for words. Let us skip 
sex. 

PLAYBOY: 
son 


п. sex as 


Not to belibor the subject, 
critics have felt chat your 
comments about the fashionability of 
Freudianism. as practiced by American 
nalysts. suggest a contempt based upon 
familiarity. 
NABOKOV: В, 


skish familiarity only, The 


joke. 
with is grotesque implications 
methods, appear to me to be one of th 
vilst deceits practiced by people on 
themselves and on others. D reject it 


conventional, or the very sic 
PLAYBOY: Speaking of the very sick. you 
suggested in Lolita that Humbert Hu 
bert’s appetite for nymphets is the result 
of an unrequited childhood love айай 
in Invitation 10 a Beheading you wrote 
-old girl, Emmie, who is 
ted i man twice her 
jı Bend Sinister, your pro- 


tagonist dreams that he is “эштери 
tiously enjoying Mariette [his maid] 
while she sat, wincing a little, in his lap 


during the rehearsal of а play in which 
she was supposed to be his daughter." 
Some critics, in poring over your works 
for clues to your ty, have 
pointed to this recurrent. them: 
dence of an unwholesome preoccupation 
on your part with the subject of sexual 


person; 


as evi 


attraction between pubescent girls and 
middle-aged men. Do you feel that there 
may be some truth in this charge? 

NABOKOV: I think it would be more cor- 
rect to say that had 1 not written 
Lolita, readers would not have 
started finding nymphets in my other 
works and in their own houscholds. 1 
find it very amusing when a friendly, 
polite person says to me — probably just 
in order to be friendly and polite — 
"Mr. Naborkov,” or "Mr. Nabahkov,” or 
"Mr. Nabkov” or "Mr. Nabohkov,” de 
pending on his linguistic abilities, 71 
have a little daughter who is a regular 
Lolita." People tend to underestimate 
the power of mv imagination and my 
capacity of evolving serial selves in my 
writings, And then, of course, there is 
that special type of «тй. the ferrety, 


buman-interest fiend, the jolly vulgarian, 
Someone, for instance, discovered tell- 
tale affinities between Humbert’s boy 
hood romance on the Riviera and шу 
own recollections about little. Colette, 
stles in Bi 
riz when I was 10. Somber Humbert 
was. of course, 13 and in the throes of 
a pretty extravagant sexual excitement, 
whereas my own romance with Colette 
had по trace of erotic desire and indeed 
was perfectly commonplace and normal. 
And. of course, at 9 and 10 years of age, 
іп that set. in those times, we knew 
nothing whatsoever about the false facts 
of life that are imparted nowadays to 
infants by progressive parents 
PLAYBOY: Why false? 

NABOKOV: Because the imagination of 
small child — especially a town child ~ 
at Once distorts, stylizes or other 
alters the bizarre thi s told about 
the busy bee, which neither he nor his 
parents can distinguish from a bumble- 
bec, anyway 

PLAYBOY: What one critic has termed 
your “almost obsessive attention to the 


with whom I built sand 


a 


ise 


gs he 


phrasing, rhythm, cadence and connota- 
tion of words" is evident even in the 
selection of names for your own cele- 
brated bee and bumblebee — Lolita and 
Humbert Humbert. How did they ос 
cur to you? 

NABOKOV: For my nymphet І needed a 
diminutive with a lyrical lilt to it. One 
of the most limpid and luminous letters 
“Gta” has a lot of 
Latin tenderness, and this I required too. 
Hence: Lolita. However, it should not 
be pronounced as you and most Ameri 
cans pronounce it Lowdeeta, with a 
heavy, clammy “L” ап 


is “L.” The sufix 


a long "o." No. 
the first syllable should be as in “lolli 
pop." the liquid and delicate, the 
lec” not too sharp. Spaniards and Ital 
s pronounce it, of course, with exactly 
necessary note of archness and caress. 


the 


Another consideration was the welcome 


murmur of its source name, the Ге 
шіп name: those roses and tears in 


Dolores." My little girl's heart-rending 


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38 


1 to be taken into account to- 
with the cuteness and limpidity. 


fate 
веће 


Dolores also provided her with another, 


plainer, more familiar and infantile 
diminutive: Dolly, which went nicely 
with the surname “Haze,” where Irish 
mists blend with a German bunny— I 
mean a small German hare, 
PLAYBOY: You're making a word-playful 
reference, of course, to the German term 
for rabbit — Hase. But what inspired 
vou to dub Lolita's aging inamorato with 
such engaging redundancy? 
NABOKOV: That, too, was casy. The 
double rumble is, 1 think, very nasty, 
very suggestive. It is а hateful name for 
a hateful person. It is also a kingly name, 
and | did need a royal vibration for 
Humbert the Fierce and Humbert the 
Humble. Lends itself also to а number 
of puns, And the execrable diminutive 
"Hum" is on а раг, socially 
tionally, with "Lo," as her mother calls 
he 
PLAYBOY: Another critic has written of 
you that “the task of sifting and select 
ing just the right succession of words 
from that multilingual memory, and of 
arranging their many-mirrored nuances 
into the proper juxtapositions, must be 
psychically exhausting work.” Which of 
all your books, in this sense, would you 
say was the most difficult to write? 
NABOKOV: Oh, Lolita, naturally. 1 lacked 
the necessary information — that was the 
initial difficulty. 1 did not know any 
American 12-year-old girls, and 1 did 
not know America; I had to invent 
America and Lolita. Tt had taken me 
some 10 vears to invent Russia and West- 
ern Europe, and now I was faced by a 
task, with a les 


nd emo- 


such local ingredients as would allow 
me to inject ity" into the 
proved, at 50, 
a much morc difficult process than it 
had been rope of my youth. 

PLAYBOY. Though born in Russi 
have lived and worked for many y 
in America as well as in Europe. Do vou 
feel any strong sense of national iden 
NABOKOV: I m ап Ameri wr 
born 
where I studied French 1 

spending 15 years in Ger 
to America in 1940 and decided to be. 
come an merican citizen, and make 
America my home. It so happened that 
1 was immediately exposed to the very 
best in America, to its rich intellectual 
life and to its easygoing, good-natured 
atmosphere. | immersed myself in its 
gn 
worked 


ture, before 
any, T came 


I acquired more f 
than I ever had in Europe. My books— 
old books and new ones— found some 
admirable readers. 1 became as stout as 
Cortez — mainly because 1 quit smoki 

and started. to munch molasses 


instead, with the result that my weight 
went up from my usual 140 to а monu- 
mental and cheerful 200. 1n consequence, 
I am one-third American — good. Amer- 
ican flesh keeping me warm and. 
PLAYBOY: You spent 20 ус; n America, 
and yet you never owned a home or had 
а really settled establishment there. Your 
friends report that you camped 
manently іп motels, ci s, [uri 
partments and the rented homes of pro- 
fessors away on leave. Did you feel so 
restless or so m that the idea of 
settling down anywhere disturbed yo 
NABOKOV: The ı reason, th 
ground reason, is, 1 suppose, tl 
ing short of a replica of my childhood 
surroundings would have satished me. T 
would never manage to match my 
memories correctly — so why trouble with 
hopeless approximations? Then there are 
some special considerations: for instance, 
the question of impetus, the habit of 
mpetus. I propelled myself out of Rus- 
sia so vigorously, with such indignant 
force, that I have been rolling on and 
on ever since. True, I have lived to 
become that appetizing thing, a "full 
professor.” but at heart I have always 
remained a lean “visiting lecturer.” The 
few times I said to myself anywhere: 
Now, that's a nice spot for 
nent home.” [ would immediately 
in my mind the thunder of an avalanche 
carrying away the hundreds of far places 
which I would destroy by the very act 
of settling in one particular nook of the 
earth. And finally, I don't much care for 
furniture, for table ad chairs and 
lamps and rugs and things — perhaps be- 
cause in my opulent childhood 1 was 
taught to regard with amused contempt 
any nest attachment to material 


too- 


wealth, which is why I felt no regret and 
no bitterness. when the Revolution 


abolished that wealth. 
PLAYBOY: You lived in Russia for 20 years, 
in West Europe for 20 ycars and in 
America for 20 years. But in 1960, after 
the success of Lolita, you moved to 
France and Switzerland and have not 
returned to the U.S. si Does this 
mean, despite your s tification 
an American writer, that you со 
your American period over? 
NABOKOV: I am living in Switzerland for 
purely private reasons — family те 
nd certain professional ones too, such 
as some specia earch for a spe 
m very soon 
— back to its library stacks 
п passes. Am ideal arrangement 
would be an absolutely soundproofed 
flat in New York, on a top floor — no 
feet walking above, no soft mu: 
where— and a bu 


any- 
galow in the South. 
west. Sometimes I think it might be fun 
to adorn a university адай 
writing there, not teac 
ching regularly 


not te 
PLAYBOY: Meanwhile you remain secluded 


id somewhat sedentary, from all re- 
ports — in your hotel suite. How do you 
spend your time? 

NABOKOV: I awake around seven in wi 
ter: m m clock is an Alpine chough 
— big, glossy, black thing with big yellow 
beak — which visits the balcony and 
emits a most melodious chuckl 
a while I lie in bed mentally revising 
d planning things. Around eight: 
shave, breakfast, medi id bath — 
in that order. Then 1 work till lunch iu 
my study, taking time out for a short 
stroll with my wife along the lake. Prac 
tically all the famous Russian writers of 
the 19th Century e rambled here at 
one time or another, Zhukovski, Gogol, 
Dostoievsky, Tolstoy — who courted the 
naids to the detriment of 
а many Russian poets. 
But then, as much could be said of Nice 
or Rome. We lunch around one rw. 
and 1 am back at my desk by half-past 
one and work steadily till hall-past. six. 
Then a stroll to a newsstand for the 
English papers, and dinner at seven. No 
work after dinner, And bed around nine. 
І read till half-past eleven, and tussle 
with insomnia [rom that time till onc 
A.M. About twice a week 1 have a good, 
long nightmare with unpleasant charac 


ion 


from 


ters imported carlier dreams, 
appearing in more or less iterative sur- 
roundings — kaleidoscopic arrangements 


of broken impressions, fragments of day 
thoughts, and irresponsible mechanical 
i utterly lackiy possible 
mplication or explication, but 
in to the procession of 
es that one usually sees 
on the inner palpebral screen when clos- 
ing one's weary eyes. 
PLAYBOY: Is it true th; 
ing up, and that you write in longhand 
rather than on a typewriter? 
NABOKOV: Yes. I never learned to type. 
1 generally start the day at a lovely old- 
fashioned lectern 1 have пу study 
ter on, when I [eel g 
my calves, 1 settle dow 
armchair at an ordinary wri 
and finally, when gravity begins climb- 
ing up my spine, 1 lie down on a couch 
in а corner of my small study. It is a 
pleasant solar routine. But when I was 
young, in my 20s and carly 30s, 1 would 
often stay all day in bed, smoking and 
writing. Now thir ged. Hori 
zontal prose, ve ‚ and sedent 
keep swapping qualifie 
ng the alliteration 
PLAYBOY: Can you tell us something more 
the actual creative proc 
volved in the germination of a 
perhaps by rea 
for or excerpts fr 


any 


a work in progress? 
NABOKOV: Certainly not. No foetus should 
undergo an exploratory operation. But 
1 cin do something else. This box con- 
tains index cards with some notes I 
made at various times more or less re- 


cently and. discarded when writing Pale 
Fire. Ws a little batch of rejects. Vil read 
a few [Reading from cards} 

“Selene, the moon, Selenginsk, an old 
town in Siberia: moon-rocket town" . . . 
“Berry: the black knob on the bill of 
the mute swan”. . . "Dropworm: а 
small caterpillar hanging on a th 
2s. “In The New Bon Топ Maga 


volume five, 1820, page 312, prostitutes 
are termed ‘girls of the town" . . . 


“Youth dreams: forgot pants; old man 
dreams: forgot dentures” . . . "Student 
explains that when reading a novel he 
likes to skip passages 'so as to get his 
own ider about the book and nor be 
influenced by the author " . .. "Naprap- 
athy: the ugliest word in the lan- 
guage.” 

"And after vain 
bird. two birds. three birds. and none. 
Muddy tires, sun "Time without 
consciousness — lower animal world: time 
with consciousness — man: consciousness 
some still higher state 
k not in words but in 
ames Joyce's mistake 
in those otherwise marvelous mental 
soliloquies of his consists in that he gives 
too much verbal body to words” . . . 
Parody of politeness; That inimitable 
‘Please’ — ‘Please send me your beauti- 
ful —' which firms idiotically address to 
themselves in printed forms meant for 
people ordering their product.” 

Naive, nonstop. peep-peep twitter in 
dismal crates late. late at night, оп a 
desolate frost-bedimmed station plat- 
form”... “The tabloid headline ‘Torso 
RILLER MAY BEAT CHAIR’ might be tr 
lated: *Celui qui tue un buste peut bien 
battre une chais Newspaper 
vendor, handing me a magazine with my 
story: ‘I see you le the slicks. 
Snow falling. young father out with 
ny child, nose like a pink cherry. Why 
docs а parent immediately say something 


on beaded wi 


cs, onc 


ias We id 
adows of words. 


to his or her child if a stranger smiles 
at the latt ‘Sure, said the father to 
the infant's interrogatory gurgle, which 


had been going on for some time, and 
would have been left to go on in the 
quiet falling snow, had 1 not smiled in 
ium"... "Intercolumniation: dar 
sky between two 


white col- 


у am even in Arcadi, 
send on a shepherd's tomb” 
Marat collected butterflies" . . . ^ 


of view, the 


the aesthetic pe аре 
worm is certainly an undesirable boarder. 
The gravid segments frequently. crawl 


out of a person's anal canal, sometimes 
iu chains, aud have been reported a 
source of social embarrassment.” 
PLAYBOY: Whit inspires you to record. 
nd collect such disconnected impres- 
sions and quotations? 
NABOKOV: All I know is that at а very 
early stage of the novel's develo 
get this urge to collect bits of straw 


fluff, and to cat pebbles. Nobody will 
ever discover how dearly а bird visual- 
ize: alizes at all, the future 
nest and the eges in it, When 1 remem- 
ber afterwards the force that made me 
jot down the correct names of things. 
or the inches and tints of things, even 
before 1 actually needed the informa 
tion, E am inclined to assume that what 
I call, for want of a better term, inspira 
tion, had been already at work, mutely 
pointing at this or that, having me 
cumulate the known materials for an 
unknown structure. Alter the first shock 
of recognition —a sudden sense of 
is what I'm going to write" — the novel 
starts to breed by itself; the process goes 
on solely in the mind. not on paper: 
and (o be aware of the s it has 
reached at any given. moment, 1 do not 
have to be conscious of every exact 
phrase. 1 feel a kind of gentle develop- 
ment, an uncurling inside, and I know 
that the details are there already, th: 
in fact 1 would sce them plainly if 1 
looked closer, it 1 stopped the machine 
and opened its inner compartment: but 
1 prefer to wait until what is loosely 
called inspiration has completed the task 
for me. There comes a moment when 1 
am informed from within that the en 
tire structure is finished. MI I have to do 
now is take it down in pencil or pen 
Since this entire structure, dimly illu 
mined in one's mind. сап be compared 
юар 


or if it vis 


his 


nting, and since you do not have 
to work gradually from left to right for 
s proper perception, 1 may direct my 
flashlight at any part or particle of the 
picture when setting it down in writin 
I do not begin my novel at the be 
ning, | do not reach chapter three 
before 1 reach chapter four, 1 do not go 
dutifully from one page to the next, 
in consecutive order; no, 1 pick out 
bit here and a bit there, till 1 have 
filled all the gaps on paper. This is why 
1 like writing my stories and novels on 
adex cards, numbering them later when 
the whole set is complete, Every card is 
rewritten many times. About three cards 
make one typewritten page, and when 
finally 1 feel that the conceived picture 
has been copied by me as faithfully 
physically possible —a few vacant lots 
always remain, alas — then 1 dictate the 
novel to my wile who types it out in 


conceived. picture" of a novel? 

NABOKOV: A creative writer must study 
carefully the works of his rivals, indud- 
ing the Almighty. He must possess the 
inborn capacity not only of recombining 
but of re-creating the given world. In 
order to do this adequately, avoiding 
duplication of labor, the artist should 
ow the given world. In ition with- 
out knowledge leads no further than the 
back yard of primitive art, the child's 
scrawl on the fence, and the crank's 


ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN 
WHEN YOU WEAR 


ГАМЕ 


PARFUM DE CORDAY 
THREE-FIFTY TO THIRTY-FIVE DOLLARS 


39 


PLAYBOY 


message in the market place. Art is never 
simple. To return to my lecturing days: 
I automatically gave low marks wh 

student. u 
cere amd simple" — 
а style which is always simple а 


tes with 


cere” — under the impresion that. this 
was the greatest compliment payable to 
prose or When 1 struck the 


phrase out, which I did with such rage 
in my pencil that it ripped th 
ined th; 
what teachers had always taught him: 
“Art is simple, art is sincere.” Someday 
I must trace this vulgar absurdity to its 
А schoolmarm in Ohio; 
gressive ass in New York? Bee 
course, art at its greatest is fa 
deceitful and complex. 

PLAYBOY: In terms of modern art, critical 
opinion is divided about the sincerity 
or deccitfulness, simplicity or complexity 
ol contemporary abstract painting. Wha 
is your own opinio! 
NABOKOV: | do not scc any essenti 
difference between abstract and primitive 
art. Both arc simple and sincere. Хаш- 
rally, we should not айе in these 
matters: It is the individual artist that 
counts. But if we accept Тог a moment 
the general notion of “modern art,” then 
we must admit that the trouble with it 
is that it is so commonpla ive 
and academic. Blurs and blotches have 
merely replaced the mass prettiness of a 
hundred years ago, pictures of Malian 
girls, handsome beggars, romantic ruins, 
and so forth. But just аз among those 
corny oils there might occur the work of 
a true artist with a richer play of light 
па shade, with some original streak of 
violence or tenderness, so among the 
corn of primitive and abstract art one 
may come across a flash of great talent. 
Only talent interests. me in painting 
and books. Not general ideas, but the 
individual contributio: 
PLAYBOY: A contribution to society? 
A work of art has 


paper, 
this w 


source, 


$ 


NABOKOV: o impor- 
tance whatever to society. It is only 
important to the individual, and only 
the individual reader is important 10 
me. 1 don't give a damn for the group, 
the Community, the masses, and so forth. 
Although 1 do not care for the slog 

"art for art's sake" — because unfortu- 


ately such promoters of it as. for i 
stance, Oscar Wilde and various dainty 
pocts, were in reality rank moralists and 
didacticists— there can be no question 
that what makes a work of fiction safe 
from larvae and rust is not its soci 
»portance but its art, only ф 

PLAYBOY: Do you expect your own work 
to remain “safe from l: ıd rust"? 
NABOKOV: Well, in this matter of ac- 
complishment, of course, I don't have 


year plan or program, but 1 have a 
inkling of my literary afterlife. 
T have felt the breeze of certain promise 
No doubt there will be ups and downs, 


long pe 
conniv 
and 


ds of slump. With the Devil's 
ance, | open a newspaper of 2063 
п some article on the books page I 
find: “Nobody reads Nabokov or Fulmer- 
ford today." Awful question: Who is 
this unfortunate Fulmerford? 

PLAYBOY: While we're on the subject of 
what do you regard as 
your principal failing as a writer — 
apart from forgettability? 

NABOKOV: Lack of spontaneity; the nui- 
since of parallel thoughts. 


second. 


press myself properly in any language 
unless I compose every damned sentence 
in my bath, desk. 
PLAYBOY: You're doing rather well at 
the moment, if we may say so. 
NABOKOV: It’s an illusion. 

PLAYBOY: Your reply might be taken as 
confirmation of critical comments th: 
you are “an incorrigible leg puller,” 
mystificator" and “a lite ағу agent pro- 
vocateur. How do you view yourself? 
NABOKOV: I think my favorite fact 
myself is that 1 have never been dis 
critic or bile, and 
once in my life 
reviewer for a review. Му second 
favorite fact ог shall I stop at one? 
PLAYBOY: No, please go on. 
NABOKOV: The fact that since m 
=I was 19 whe left Russi 
ical outlook has remained as bh ind 
changeless as an old gray rock. It is 
classical to the point of tritencss. Frec- 
dom of speech, Ireedom of thought, fre 
dom of art. The social or economic 
of the I state is of little 
n to me. My desires are modest. 
its of the head of the government 
should not exceed a postage stamp in 
size. No torture and no executions, No 
music, except coming through earphones, 
or played in theaters. 
PLAYBOY: Why no music? 
NABOKOV: | have no ear 
shortcoming 1 deplore bitterly 
1 а concert — which happe 
in five years— D endeavor 
to follow the sequence and те 
of sounds but cannot keep up for 
more than a few minutes, V apres 
sions, reflections of hands in lacquered 
wood, a diligent bald spot over a fiddle, 
over, and soon 1 am bored beyond 
measure by the motions of the musicians. 
My knowledge of music is very slight: 


have 
Жей or thanked 


y youth 
it ту polit- 


structur ide: 


for music, a 
When 1 


tionship 


and I have а special reason for fir 
my ignorance and inability so sad. so 
unjust: There is a wonderful singer in 
my family — my own son. His ts, 
the rare beauty оГ his bass, and the 
promise of a splendid career — all this 


affects me deeply, and I feel a fool dur- 
ing a technical conversation 
musicians, I am perfectly ам 
many parallels between the art forms of 
music and those of lite 
in matters of structure, 
do if ear and brain refuse to cooperate? 


among 
€ of the 


But I have found a queer substitute for 
music in chess— more exactly, in thc 
composing of chess problems. 

PLAYBOY: Another substitute, surely, has 
been your own euphonious prose and 
poetry. As one of few authors who have 
written with cloquence in more than 
опе language, how would you character- 
ize the textural differences between Rus 
siam and English, in which you are 
regarded as equally facile? 

NABOKOV: ln ber of words 


sheer m 


English is far richer than Russian. This 


is especially noticeable 


nouns 


that 
vagueness 


Russian presents is the dearth, 
and clumsiness of technical 
xample, the simple phr 
“to park a car” comes out — if translated 
back from the Rusian—as “to leave 
automobile standing for a long time.” 
Russian, at least polite Russian, is more 
formal than polite English. Thus, th 
Russian word for “sexual” — polovoy — 
is slightly indecent and not to be bandied 
around. The same applies to R 
terms rendering various anatomical 
biological notions that are frequently 
id familiarly expressed in English con- 
versation. On the other hand, there are 
words rendering certain nuances of mo- 
tion and gesture and emotion in which 
Russian excels Thus by changing the 
head of a verh, for which one n е 


а dozen dillerent prefixes to choose from. 
one is able to n express 
exuemely fine sl iion and 


ish is, syntactically, an 
but Russian. 
cam be given even more subtle twists 
and turns. Translating Russian into 
English is a little casier than translating 

glish into Russian, and 10 t і 
than translating English into F 
PLAYBOY: You have s 
write another novel 
NABOKOV: During the 
unsung, era of Russian intellect 
tistion — roughly between 1920 
1910 — books written in Russi y 
Russians and published by 
émigré firms abroad were eagerly bought 
or borrowed by émigré readers but were 
absolutely banned in Soviet Russia — 
they still are, except in the case of a few 
dead authors such as Kuprin and Bu 
whose heavily censored works have been 
recently reprinted there — no matter the 
theme of the story or poem. An émigré 
novel, published, say, in Paris and sold 
over all free Europe, might have, in 
those years, a total sie of 1000 ov 2000 
copics— that would be a best seller — 
but every copy would also pass from 
hand to hand and be read by least 
20 persons, and at least 50 annually if 
stocked by Russian lending libraries, of 
which there were hundreds West Ew 
rope alone. The era of expatriation can 
be said to have ended during World War 
П. Old writers died, Russian publishers 


intensity. E 
extremely 


émigré 


nished. and worst of all the 
1 atmosphere of exile culture, with 
id vigor, and purity, 
force. dwindled to 
language periodicals, 
1t and provincial in tone. 
Now to take my own case: It was not 
the financ e that really matter 
I don't think my Russian. writings ever 
ї me more than a few hundred 
dollars per your, and I am all for thc 
ory tower, and for writing 10 please one 
lone — one's own self. But one 
also needs some reverberation, if not 
and a mode multiplication 
of one’s self throughout a country or 
nd if there be nothing but a 
ound one's desk, one would ex- 
pect it to be at least a sonorous void, 
d not circumscribed by the walls of 
аса cell. With the passing of years 
8 ad Jess interested іп Russi 
and more and mor nt to the 
onceharrowing thought that my books 
would remain banned there long as 
my contempt for the police state and 
political oppression prevented me from 
entertaining the vaguest thought of re 
turn. No, I will not write another novel 
Russian, though I do allow myself 
a very few short poems now and th 
1 wrote my last Russian novel a quarte 
of a century ago. But today, in compen 
sation, in a spirit of justice to my little 
American muse, I am doing something 
«е. But perhaps T should not talk about 
it at this carly stage. 
PLAYBOY: Please do. 
NABOKOV: Well, it occurred to me one 
= while 1 was glancing at the vari- 
colored spines of Lolita translations int 
languages 1 do not read, such а 
nese, ish or Arabic — that the list of 
unavoidable blunders these 15 or 20 
versions would probably make, if col- 
lected, a fatter volume than any of them. 
1 had checked the French translation, 
which basically very good. but would 
have brisded with unavoidable 


genera 


ew less 


errors 


had I not corrected them. But what 
could 1 do with Portuguese or Hebrew 
or Danish? Then I imagined something 


else. 1 imagined that in some distant 
future somebody might produce а Rus 


sian version of Lolita. 1 trained. my 
inner telescope upon that particular 
point in the distant future and 1 saw 


that every paragraph could lend itself to 
a hideous mistranslation, being pock- 
marked with pitfalls. In the hands of a 
armful drudge, the Russian version of 
Lolita would be entirely degraded and 
botched by vulg: ph с5 or blun- 
ders. So I decided to translate it myself. 
Up to now I have about 60 pages ready. 
PLAYBOY: Arc you presently at work on 
пу new writing project? 

NABOKOV: Good question, as they 
the lesser screen. 1 have just f 
correcting the last proofs of my work on 
Pushkin's Eugene Onegin —lour [at 


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44 


Title volumes which are to appear this 
year in the Bollingen Series; the actual 
translation of the poem occupies a small 
section of volume onc. The rest of the 
volume and volumes two, three and four 
contain copious notes on the subject. 
This opus owes its birth to a casual 
remark my wife made іп 1950 — in re- 
sponse to my disgust with rhymed para- 
ph Onegin, every line of 
which E had to revise for my students — 
“Why don't you translate it yourself” 
This is the result. It has taken some 10 
years of labor. The index alone runs 
5000 cards in three long shoe boxes; you 
see them over there on that shelf. My 
translation is, of course, a literal one 
а crib, a pony. And to the fidelity of 
transposil 1 have sacrificed everythi 
elegance, euphony, clarity, good tast 
modern usage, and even mini 
PLAYBOY: In view of these a 
are you looking forward to reading the 
reviews of the book? 

NABOKOV: | really don't read reviews 
about myself with ану special cagerness 
or attention unless they are masterpieces 
of wit and acumen — which does happen 
And I never reread them, 
ch my wife collects the мш, and 


ng: 


dmitted (laws, 


though maybe D shall use a spatter of 
the more hilarious Lolita items to write 
someday а brief history of the nymphet's 


tribulations. I remember, however, quite 
vividly, certain attacks by Russian émigré 
critics who wrote about my first novels 
30 years ago: not that I was more vulner- 
able then, but my memory was certa 
more retentive and enterprising, 
was а reviewer myself. In the 19 


ence 10 о 


ganized myst ia 
to the church — any church. There were 
other critics who could not forgive me 
for keeping aloof from literary “move- 
ments" for not airing thc 
that they wanted poets to feel, а 
not belonging to any of those groups of 
poets that held sessions of cor 
ration in the back rooms of Parisi 
There also the amusing case of 
Georgy Ivanov, a good poet but а scur- 
rilous critic. D never met him or his 
literary wile Irina Odoevisev; but one 
y in the late 1920s ог carly 1930s, at 
а time when I regularly reviewed books 
Tor an émigré: newspaper in Berlin, she 
sent me from Paris а copy of a novel of 
hers with the wily inscription “Thanks 
for King, Queen, Jack" —which 1 was 
Tree to understand as “thanks for w 
that book,” but which might also provide 
her with the alibi: "Thanks for sending 
me your book," though 1 never sent her 
anything. Her book proved to be pit 
fully trivial, aud Т said so in a brief and 
nasty review, Ivanov retaliated with a 
grossly personal article about me 
stell. The possibility ol venti 
tilling friendly or unfri 


through the medium of literary criticism 
is what makes that art such a skewy one. 
PLAYBOY: What is your reaction to the 
mixed feelings vented by one critic in 
а review which ch 
ing a fine and or 
much trace of 
and as "the typical artist who distrusts 
ideas"? 
NABOKOV: In much the 
spirit, certain «тичу lepidopterists have 
criticized my works on the classification 
of butterflies, accusing me of being more 
interested in the subspecies and the sub- 
genus than in the genus and the family. 
This kind of attitude ter of 
mental temperament, I suppose, The 
middlebrow or the upper Philistine can- 
t get rid of the furtive feeling that a 
book, to be great, must deal in great 
ideas, Oh, I know the type, the dreary 

оой 1 with 
his 


cterized you а 
val mind, but 


not 


same solemn 


is a n 


n зріс 
social comment; he likes to reco: 
own thoughts and throes in those of the 
he wants at least опе of the 
ters to be the authors stooge. If 
сап, he h ash of M 
nd if British, he is acutely and 
ridiculously class-conscious: he finds it 
so much easier to write about ideas Шап 
pout words; he does not realize that 
perl: ason he docs not find gen- 
eral ide: particular writer is th 
cular ideas of that writer have 
hot yet become Е 
PLAYBOY: Dostoievsky, who dealt with 
themes accepted by most readers as wni- 
versal in both scope and significance, is 
one ol the world’s t 
authors. Yet you have described hi 
1 cheap sensa 


blood, 


the par 


a 
ionalist, clumsy and vul- 


NABOKOV: Non-Russian readers do not 
realize two things: that not all Russi 
love Dostoievsky as s Americans 
do, and that most of those Russians who 
Чо, venerate him as a mystic and not as 
am artist. He was а prophet, a claptrap 
journalist and a хараах comedian. 1 ad- 
mit that some of his scenes, some of his 
tremendous, farcical rows 
dinarily amusing. But his sensitive m 
derers and soulful prostitutes are not to 
be endured lor one moment — Бу this 
reader anyw 
PLAYBOY: Is it true that you have called 


much 


aor- 


Hemingway and Gonrad “writers ol 
books for boys” 

NABOKOV: Thats exactly what the 
Hemingway is certainly the better of the 


two; he has at least a voice of his own 
and that delightful, 
highly short story, The Killers. 
And the description of the fish in h 
famous fish story is superb. But I cannot 
abide Conrad's souvenirshop style, and 
bottled ships, and shell necklaces of 
romanticist clichés. In. neither of these 
two writers can I find anything that 1 
would care to have written myself. In 


ible for 


s respon 
tistic 


mentality and. emotion, th e hope- 
lessly juve: and the same can be said 
of some other beloved writers, the pets of 
the common room, the consolation and 
support of students, such as — 
but some are still alive, and 1 hate to 
hurt living old boys while the dead ones 
are not yet buried. 
PLAYBOY: What did you r 
were a boy? 

NABOKOV: Between the ages of 10 and 1 
in St. Petersburg, | must have read more 
icon and росту — English, Russian 
nd French — than in any other 
ar period of my life. 1 relished espe- 
Пу the works of Wells, Рос, Brownin 
rats, Flaubert, Verlaine, Rimbaud. 
Chekhov, Tolstoy and Alexander Blok. 
On another level, my heroes were the 
Scarlet Pimpernel, Phileas Fogg and 
Sherlock Holmes. In other words, I was 
а perfectly normal trilingual child i 
family with a large library. At a later 
period, in Cambridge, England, between 
the ages of 20 and 2: orites were 
Housman, Rupert Brooke, Joyce, Proust 
and Pushkin. Of these top favorites, sev 
al— Рос, Verlaine, Jules Verne, Em- 
muska Orczy in Doyle and Rupert 
. have lost the 
glamor and thrill they held for me. The 
others remain intact and by now are 
probably beyond change as far as 1 am 
concerned. 1 was never exposed in the 
20s and 30s, as so many of my coevals 
have been, to the poetry of Eliot and 
Pound. T read them late in the season, 
around 1945, in the guest room of an 
American friend's house, and not. only 
remained completely indifferent to them, 
but could not understand why anybody 
should bother about them. But I suppose 
that they preserve some sentimental 
value for such readers as discovered the 
at an earlier age than 1 dı 
PLAYBOY: What are vour readin 
today? 

NABOKOV: Usually I read several books 
ata ti 


raduate 


cad. when you 


habits 


— old books, new books, ficti 
nonfiction, 


verse, anything — and wh 


' 
the bedside heap of а dozen volumes or 
so has dwindled to two or three, which 
generally happens by the cud of one 
week, E accumulate another pile. ‘There 
re some varieties of fiction that 1 never 
touch — mystery for 
ich I abhor, and historical novels 
t also detest. the socalled "powerful" 
novel — full of commonplace obscenities 
and torrents of dialog — in fact, when 1 
receive a new novel from a hopeful pu 
hoping that I like the book as 
much as he does" — E check first of all 
how much dialog there is, and if it looks 
too abundant or too sustained, | shut 
the book with a bang and ban it from 
my bed. 

PLAYBOY: Are there 
authors you do enjoy 
NABOKOV: | do have a 


stories, inst. 


се, 


lishei 


пу conte 
ding? 
lew favorites — 


po 


Robbe-Grillet and Borges. 
id gratefully one breathes 
in their marvelous labyrinths! 1 love 
their lucidity of thought, the purity and 
poetry, the mi З 
PLAYBOY: M. this de 
seription applies no less aptly to your 
own prose. To what extent do you feel 
that prose and poetry intermingle as 
wt forms? 

NABOKOV: Poetr) 
creative writing: 1 have never been able 
to s Y ic difference between 
poetry and artistic prose. As a matter of 
fact, 1 would be clined to de 
good poem of an; h as a concentr 
‘of good prose, with or without thi 


for example, 
How freely 


of course, includes all 


what we call prose by bri out the 
full flavor of meaning, but in plain prose 
there are also certain rhythmic patter 


the music of precise ph 
of thoug] 
arities of 
today’s scientific c 
a lot of overlap our concept of 
ad prose today, The bamboo 
- between them is the metaphor 
PLAYBOY: You have also written that 
poetry represents “the mysteries of the 
irrational ived through rational 
words." 
tional 
the exact knowledge of science has be gun 
to plumb the most profound. mysteries 
of existence. Do you 


. the be 
urrent peculi- 
As i 
ilications, there ds 


rance is very de 
ceptiv journa In 
point of fact, the gr ‘one’s science, 
the deeper the sense of mystery. More 
over, 1 don't believe that any science 
today has pierced any mystery. We, 
dc inclined to 
the cleverness of an electr 
or a psychiatrist's mumbo jumbo. This, 
at best, is applied science, and опе of 
the characteristics of applied science is 
thar yesterday's neutron or today's truth 
dics tomorrow. But even іп a better 
se of “scien the study of 
visible and palpable nature, or the 
matics and pure 
101 re ins 
JI never know 
g; ol life, 
or the nature of space and time, or the 
nature of nature, or the nature of 
thought. 

PLAYBOY: Man's understand 
mysteries is embodied in h 
of a Divine Бей 
you believe in 
NABOKOV: To be quite candid — and 
what Lam going to say now is something 
I never said before, and 1 hope it pro 
vokes a salutary little chill: 1 know more 
than 1 can express in words, and the 
little 1 can express would not have been 
expressed, had 1 not known more, 


stie illus 


of these 

concept 
g- As a final question, do 
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46 


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THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


an interchange of ideas between reader and editor 
on subjects raised by “the playboy philosophy” 


COLORING BOOK PHILOSOPHY 

I have just completed. the first 12 
stallments of your stimulating Playboy 
Philosophy. but while these essays are 
intrinsically sound, I feel they represent 
the srossest manifestation of hypocrisy 
I have seen in а very long while. 
кылуу” true philosophy was all too 
aptly set forth in the wonderful [0-page 
Coloring Book in the January 1963 is- 
sue. That is where the true attitudes of 
YLAYROY toward sex and moral charac- 
ter in al are revealed, You could 
have maintained your ruse indefinitely 
were it not for The Playboy Coloring 
Book. Alter it appeared, your profound 
editorials revealed themselves as an in- 
tellectual “front” hiding 
ph 
а damn about anyone else 
hell of a good 
ve real merit and should have 
been nd given serious consid 
tion ago — it is just to 
that PIAYkOY doe 
Philosophy preaches. 

Roger Klauser 
Seattle, Washington 

"The Playboy Philosophy” represents 
the sincere and. considered. opinions of 
Editor-Publisher Hefner and forms the 
basis for the editing of this publica- 
tion; “The Playboy Coloring Book” was 
satire and meant io be enjoyed as such. 
From its earliest issues, PLAYBOY has in- 
cluded both the serious and the satirical 
and the editors trust that most readers 
can tell the difference. 


bad 
t practice what the 


HEDONISM 

This letter is in reference to one that 
appeared in the October Forum from 
Robertson, of New York, that 
lonistic ideal of maxi- 
mizing pleasure and minimizing pain 
will cause everyone to become “happy 
jellyfish that have no more substance to 
themselves than the knowledge of their 
I think Mr. Robertson 
has the mistaken idea that а hedonist 
seeks to eliminate all pain, but this is 
not nec y the case. "The basic id 
behind hedonism is that the net result 
of all our pleasure-pain stimuli should 
be as delectable as possible. 

Using a broad definition of pleasure, 
one can classify all people, regardless 
of beliefs, as hedoniss Even а maso- 
с Ithough he seeks pain, is actually 
seeking pleasure, since he derives pleas- 


own p 


ure from pain. Mr. Robertson could. be 
classified as a hedonist — it just happens 
to be his opinion that if he succumbs 
to the temptations of earthly pleasures 
he may be unable to experience the 
after-death satisfactions of heaven, which 
he considers greater than those of the 
physical world: im contrast, a person 
who believes as Mr. Hefner does, feels 
that he can enjoy both the pleasures of 
this world and the next 

Robert L. Milton 

Pasadena, Californi 

We would make a distinction, los 

ever, between rational. pleasure — which 
we [avor — and pleasure of an irrational 
kind (ie, masochism). 


WHICH WAY IS UP? 

For many years I have assumed. that 
PLAvEOY was опе of the most widely 
unread magazines in the country. Peo- 
ple bought rravsow: people looked at 


rrAvBOY. Every m 
make knowing comments on the latest 
Playmate of the Month —or on Play 
mates in sues umpteen months back. 
for that matter. But no one read 
LAY BOY 

I am one of the squares who like to 
read pLaynoy. D was concerned lest the 
" ne (through по fault of its own 
for as Mr. Hefners Philosophy has 
demonstrated. pu ynoy does have some: 
thing to say) be relegated to the status 
of Life. the magazine for people who 
can't read 

Perusal of the 
more recently, The Playboy Forum, has 
i us. They prove 

nd widely 

potpourr 
ghe thir and absurdity. 
Some of these letters have prompted 
me to make comments in the past, bur 
until now | have been restrained by that 
helpless fecling of futility. “These peo- 
ple” 1 have often тиштей to my 
sel, “have no concept of rationality. 
How, then, can they hope to follow 
any?” My impetuous inner self was not 
to be de defeat 
ism, however, so I have selected a letter 
from the Forum of the September issue 
to sacrifice upon the Altar of Sweet 


n on cai 


pus could 


d by such superfici 


Reason. 
The letter in question comes from 
Mr. John bur. of Modesto. Cali- 


fornia. Mr. Tumbur's style of comment 
is most distressing and all too common. 


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47 


PLAYBOY 


His letter i 
he Playboy 
when one scrutinizes his s 
real justification for his 
presents itself. То cite an ex 
seems to me that to make the states 
ncluded the 
principal Christ 
our society upon." (Sic) 

‘This statement, of course, is quite ac- 
ate. Mv. Hefner has proven it time 
wd time n im his writing. But 
couldu't this possibly have a beneficial 
result? How can. Mr. Tumbur use this 
contention to support his implied thesis 
(c. there is but one set of worthwhile 
values 1 follow it aust you)? 
His contention lends equal support to 
the arguments of his opponents. Mr. 
Tumburs repeated use of the word 
we," E shamefacedly point out. is noth- 
ing more than an attempt to lend popu- 
lar weight to statements that cannot be 
[actually supported. It rather reminds 
me of the story of the Lone Ranger who, 
finding himself surrounded. by Indians, 
turns to Tonto (as usual): 

“Well, Tonto," says the 
looks like we have had it.” 

Tomo, seldom at a los for a witty 

asks, "What do you 


obviously di 
Philosophy іп 


conclusions 
mple: “It 


nd so 


ht well ask the same ques 
tion of Mr. Tumbur. 

Mr. Tumbur rclers to what he calls a 
"lowering of values” stating that 
would be much more desirable 16 
tempt to base our actions on an 
ted set of values.” The gentleman is 
in quite right, and we may accept 


it 


this statement on faith ourselves. We 
can accept it. that is. until he answers 
for us. Which way, if you 


с. is up? 
He continues оп his w 
rosy path of ш 


timate harm," “total moral 1 
ruptcy" and “disastrous.” His whole 
leuer is reminiscent of-a burlesque from 
several years back which pictured what 
1 took for day male Oph 

Mr. Tumbur is typical of the many 
who deluge you with opinion, emotion 

ad blatantly faulty causal relationships. 
It amazes me that these people can seri 
ously hope to justify or substantiate 
their points when the very methods they 
employ do their points of view more 
haim than an ordinary difference of 
opinion would ever do. 

How can viewpoints like these ever 
receive а respectful he if the 
spokesmen continually insist upon mak- 
ing themselves absurd before the issues 
ever come to debate? | hate to see a 
lopsided contest of any kind. In the 
interest of fair play and good sportsman- 
ship. м.луноу should oller some sort of 
a "Guide to Debate," or “How to Make 
t of View." Included 
course in "Under- 


a moder 


Good Use of 
in this should bc 


I don't think 


standing What Y. N 
ders have quite got the 


some of vour re 
hang of that yet. 

1 do realize that such steps, if taken, 
the “humorwithoutin- 
ty of letter, but doggone it, lel- 
lers, don't you know it's not nice to make 
fun of less fortunate people that way 

Fric A. Westling 
Colorado State University 
Fort Collins, Colorado 


SCHOOL PRAYER 
The recent Supreme Court decision to 
consider unlawful and an iufrin 
upon the rights of our society the prac- 
tice of daily school prayers probably 
found favor in your opinion. I conclude 
this from your muchquoted phi 
dom of, but also freedom from, 
May I present another viewpoint? The 
atheists who drove the court to this de- 
cision in reality have a religion — athe 
ism — which causes us to ask, is the 
banning of prayers in our schools in 
support of this religion? The very point 
which the atheists have been fight 
practice of а religion in public schools. 
is brought up again when the abseuce of 
a religion (the atheists own religion) is 
forced upon those secking [ree expression 
of their beliefs. l'm sure Pm not alone 
in the hope that my children will not 
be brought up in a school where one 
igion is condoned — atheism. 


The Ci 
Charleston, South Carolina 
Your phraseology is a bit slanted, No 
one drove the Supreme Court to any deci- 
sion — atheist or otherwise, The Supreme 
Court decision was an interpretation of 
the Constitution's separation of church 
and state. Secular instruction is simply 
that. By law it must exclude instruction 
or practice of any religion, even — grant- 
ing you your definition — atheism. 


AN ORIENTAL VIEW 

The Playboy Philosophy 1 
for the past half 
"m ly because it seems to speak for 
that muted, brainwashed child of West- 
cem man who has only recently, through 
а handful of literary martyrs, found the 
we to shake off the cloak of 
поп and hypocrisy, He has undertaken 
ап agonizing reappraisal of his beliefs 
апа practices. As an Oriental imbued 
ther different philosophy. 1 venture 
to submit outsiders view of the Ame 
icn ‚ the Western dilemma 
Your problem in the West is one of 
igious impotence and philosophi 
ce Christi, 
away from the source of its ori; 
East toward the more gullible denizens 
of the temperate zones, it has been 


s held my 


attention lozen issues 


cour 


rel 
vacuum. 


Ever si 


mangled, abused, disguised, translated 
and transliterated into a morass of myths, 
legends, half-truths and unrealistic codes 


of behavior arbitrarily imposed by ama- 


cur theologi 
ness, berate all € s: but il 
those ideals have the misfortune of being 
ed on an umenable dogma, then their 
validity is doubtful. 

In the medieval 


es а procession of 
stints, apologists and divines produced 
half-baked doctrine of sexual mora 
unrivaled in its impracticability 

hypocrisy by any other faith in the world. 
It doomed Western man to infinite hell 
th by bottling up the forces 


on € 


came the discovery and development of 
America, the Industrial Revolution, and 
society (hat was to radically 
an's position in life. But Late 
day saints still perpetuate and aggravate 
а fraud on th wy captive followers. 
Today Christi 


nity 


into a medicinal chocol 

round 5; Claus, the church 

and the Sunday school, d given to 
Western man in an ample enough dose 


to put him to sleep. His belief is, for 
good measure, tempered by fear of hell, 
sweetened by hopes of heaven, and 
shed with a solid drumming of his 
ple 
wakened. he finds himself с 
web of guilt with st 


Іш is 
meshed 
hypocrisy 
The proponents of Christi 
iled to understand that relie is a 


г 


ment that needs constant chai 
cleaning and refurbishing. И not 
ed as a social sc it has no part 
in our social evolution. But in 


өше 


nce 


to play 
order to accept religion as a social өсі 


ence, it must be submitted to logical 
analysis. When submitted to such а test 
by even the simplest standards of logic 


Christianity collapses | deflated 
balloc 
We are presented with the doctrine of 


but it is easily 


original si proven 
that Adam, as he has been portrayed 
never existed. That he might, in fact 
have been a monkey. It is a laughable 


may lie in some monkey business. Then 
we are told, pursuing the same sin, that 
Jesus Christ, as the Son of God, came 
to this earth for the express purpose ol 
` that sin. Why so much 
архей (presumably thousands of years) 
between. the original sin of Adam 
the crucifixion of Jesus 
it iy а mystery: especially since he was 
preceded by а host of reco 

ets, messengers, saints, 
assorted holy men, none of who 
ferred to the inherent “guilt” of m 
Bu stian theology has not stopped 
ave presented with the three 


time 


nized proph 


Wiors and other 
re 


` of God. i.e the Trinity: the 
rs sinlulness, regardless of 
how well-behaved he is; threats of hell 


^d hopes of paradise; and told to ac 
cept the package deal or suffer. in pur 
огу ever alter. And then there is the 


toot of it all— the Devil himself, 
orecipitated Adam's fall to sin. Which 
kes us back again to Darwin. evolution 
and the monkey. Further. comment. on 
that is superfluous. 

The purpose of the above discourse 
is to emphasize the absurdity of the 
dogma on which is built Christian moral- 
itv and the morality of Western ma 
Faced with this farce. is it à wonder th 
people turning away, agonized with 
doubt, from the plague of а ilc 
complexes the good reverends can pro- 
vide? 

This is the sum of the crisis which 
fects all mankind, not America alone. 
Everyone seems to be hitting around the 
bull's-eye. What ік needed is a 1 
reexamination of the dogma on which 
Christian morality is built. Spurious re- 
ligious propaganda, revivalism. crusades, 
and indiscriminate censorship reflect the 
sorry state of r 


1 the g 


«г 


ıs. PLAYBOY, 
in the past year. has brought much 
needed attention to this problem. Please 
accept my heartfelt felicitations on your 
accomplishment. 
Rufy S. Khwaja 
Roval Air Force 
Rutland. England 


FREEDOM FROM RELIGION 

You 
gion and freedom from God would be 
amusing if ii weren't so sid. God, of 
course, cannot be disregarded nor 
hilated. He is from everlasting to ever 
lasting. It's interesting thar ін the 1957 
Government census 97 percent of our 
people classified themselves as Catholic. 
Protestant or Jewish. According to 
church records, church. membership is 
actually about 60 percent of the popu- 
lation. Escape from God and conscience 
seems difficult. 

But why should anyone w; 
God when He is a God of 
He sent His only son 
dic in ou 


philosophy of freedom from те 


ıt 10 escape 
finite love? 
Jesus Christ. to 
tead and for our sins. so that 
© complete forgiveness and 
ally a new life of eternal jov in 

еп. (Sce John 3: 16: H Cor. 5: 19-21; 
Rev, 91: 17.) Life here on earth also be 
comes worth living. for it has à new pur 
pose in Christ — as millions will test 
who, in Christ, have found the роке 
to live for others and not just for their 
own selfish ends. 


Eve 1 iven in love, 
for our good and the common good. The 
doser we live to His divine laws. the 


happier we will be. especially when we 
1 our failures are 


Juvenile delinquents aren't happy 
neither are adult delinquents — for lor 

Arthur E. Graf 

Department of Practical Theology 

Concordia "Theological Seminary 

Springfield, IHinois 
vedom [rom religion (the ү 
vas made relative to organized rei 


ference 
ion’s 


involvement in government) is hardly 
the same thing as freedom from God. 
We heartily endorse any religion based 
upon “a God of infinite love"; what we 
oppose is neither the concepts of God 
nor of organized religion, but those con 
серік of negativism. totalitarianism and 
suppression thal exist within certain ele- 
ments of organized religion today. 


A PRIEST FOR PLAYBOY 
renew my sul 
zine for three y 


scription to 
— my check 


is enclosed. 1 take this action promptly 
and mthusiasm because of the 
12th installment of your Playboy 
Philosophy. the one appearing in the 


November issue. 

Ii might interest you to know that | 
am a Christian—a_ priest of the Epis 
copal Church, as a matter ol [act. Never 
theless, 1 sincerely believe that you are 
doing more to help people understand 
the difference between faith and 
freedom and law. justice and bigotry, 
than the Church has done since the 16th 
Century, Indeed. if you will forgi 
] have taken much of what you haw 
in your previous articles and used those 
words as if they were my own. 

My dear friend. The Reverend. Dr. 
William A. Clebsch, professor at the 
iry of the 
in recently 
“in a real way the word of 
ad it right now 
would much more likely be found in the 
Post-Dispatch of this morning than in 
the Holy Scriptures." | could, without 
any qualms of conscience, say the same 


thing for PLAYBOY. 
The Reverend John Troy Vaugh 
Fort MeKavett, Te 
SEX AND RELIGION 
А copy of your licentious publication 
having been brought to my notice, 1 


ecl constrained to comment upon wha 
you are pleased to refer to as your "phi 
losophy" regarding "the sexual nature of 
man." Your argument seems to be: Sex 
is natural, ergo ood. Now 
will deny that it is natural, but so is 
murder, adultery and theft: that is, they 
1 be accomplished without the 
atural intervention of natural law. 
But who will say they are good? 
The Lord hath said: "It is good for 


ex is none 


man not to touch a woman.” (I Cor. 
in 


7: 1.) As for censorship, the Lord ha 
all ages appointed those 

ined to a higher cleanliness to watch 
id the progress of the less fortu- 
rd attaining to H 
dates. You say that the exhibition of 
filth may provide a release for man, 
whose basic natural impulse allow 
in it; but the Lord hath said 


who have 


6.) So much for your “re: 
losophy” whose words lie 
between pictures designed to excite the 


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ло further comment. 
e Reverend Niel Tidwell 
urch of Jesus 

Ketchikan, Alask; 

Reverend, you'd better do a little 
move Bible study. Neither of your quo- 
tations is attributed to the Lord in the 
Bible —they ave statements made by St. 
Paul in response 10 questions put to him 
by the Church of Corinth. It was Paul, 
not Christ, who first introduced the sig- 
nificant note of antisexualism into Chris 
tinnity and, as historical references in the 
August and September installments of 
the “Philosophy” indicated, Paul had an 
extremely pessimistic view of sex; he 
believed that the cnd of the world was 
imminent and that man should, the 
fore. put away all things worldly and 
prepare himself for that event. 

But, as Hefner commented, St. Paul's 
antisexualism. was slight. compared to 
the twisted theological thought that fol- 
lowed him upon which much of the 
more recent Christian antisexuality 
based. William Graham Cole, as Chair- 
man of the Department of Religion at 
Williams College, wrote in his book, 

Sex in Christianity and Psychounaly- 
ШІ unwittingly |М. Paul] marked 
the transition point between the healthy 
and positive attitude toward the body 
which characterized the Old Testament 
and Jesus, and the negative dualism 
hich increasingly colored the thought 
of the Church. . . . Although in most 
oiher respects the Church successfully 
defended the ramparts of naturalism, 
the citadel of sex fell to the enemy. In- 
cwasingly, virginity became а cardinal 
virtue, marriage a concession to the 
weak . . . sex had become an evil neces- 
sity [or the propagation of the race, to 
be avoided and denied by the spiritually 
strong. . . . Even those who were ‘con- 
sumed with passion’ were urged not to 
marry, to discipline themselves, to mor- 
tify the flesh, for the flesh was evil . 

Our point is not “sex is natural, ergo 
sex is good.” What is called “natural” 
—sex included — сап be cither good or 
сөй, depending on the surrounding cir- 
cumstances. We consider personal sex 
preferable to impersonal sex, for exam- 
ple, and we are opposed to all coercive, 
fraudulent and exploitative sex — though 
it is the coercion, fraudulence and ex- 
ploitation that we consider evil, not the 
sex itself. 

Your suggestion that God has, іп all 
ages, chosen those of “a higher cleanli- 
ness" (o watch over what the тезі of us 
“less fortunate” human beings say and 
do has a familiar sound to it — this view- 
point has been the basis for exercising 
totalitarian control the mind. 
and body of man throughout the cen- 
turies. We would oppose any such un- 
democratic proposition even if it were 
not provable —as it so readily is — that 
those thus "appointed . . . to a higher 


му 


over 


cleanliness” have been responsible, in 
the past, for the enslavement, witch 
burning, heretic torture and death of 
millions of nonbelievers, and the per- 
petrators of some of the most monstrous 
atrocities ever committed by тап. 

Our personal God has chosen us to do 
our own censoring and informed us that 
anyone wha attempts to take away that 
right is opposing His will. 


The September installment of The 
Playboy Philosophy is а very lucid. well- 
argued and, on the whole, very fair ex- 
position of the Church" distrust and 
repression of the sexual impulse through- 
out the ages. There are, however, ont or 


ism within Christianit 
revulsion to sex is most 
marked in u gion, but there are 
passages in the Buddhist and Hi 
scriptures which read like the mor: 
tracts which used to be thrust 
hands of you! 
Шу obsessed moralists i 
is century. In a great d 
igion, of whatever variety, 
one encounters not only a kind of gen- 
vd revulsion to sexuality per se, 
but also a specific and. inadequately dis 
guised distrust and even hatred of 
women. In terms of psychology, Christ's 
IMMENSE co hution was insistence 
on the importance of the female. The 
wuihs he emphasized have, unfortu- 
nately, been perverted by the org 
and, at the same time, disruptive 
of. cler 

It always astonishes me that people do 
not see more clearly to what ex 
repressed homosexu : 
part in the org; 
tion of the great те 


to antisex 
doubt the 


idu 
ity 


nto the 


hatred of women should be taken at its 
value, 
Th e point in this matter 
which troubles me. It is one thing to sce 
dearly the evils of sexual repression. 
One must, however, avoid the danger of 
crusading on behalf of sex qua sex. I 
do not say that this is what PLAYBOY is 
doing, but every important emancipator 
in this sphere must be careful that he 
does not тері 
sion by 
tion. St 
an overdone philosophy. 
Dr. A. Guird 
Bath, England 


SEX AND CONFORMITY 


Your editorials. expounding The 
Playboy Philosophy have v bly 
illuminated your peculiar type of idiocy- 
Naturally vou have a right to think of 


yourself and the rest of your compatriots 
as studs and to devote your life to sexual 
ication, but when you must seck to 


behavior 


your in supposedly 
nal terms you make yourself ridicu 
Tous in the eyes of everyone, even your 


ing incessantly about his “philos 
” and his “reasons” for such erotic 
behavior. If you find it so difficult to 
conform to the norms and rules imposed 
by the society in which you live, per- 
haps it would be better for you to ad- 
mit your inability to control yourself 
and withdraw to an island somewhere — 
away from normal people, You could 
take along women, ап artist, and a print- 


ing press. When the women grow old aud 
in no longer satisfy you, your artist can 
draw nude pictures, and you can print 


them 
selves 


ıd distribute them among your 
nd your friends, You could exist 
own little microcosm — exciting 
y s over your pictures and dream- 
ing of past pleasures. 

We despise and condemn your philos- 
ophy for what it is: a sophisticated sexual 
perversion. We prefer to think that the 
soul is better tl the body, that there is 
more beauty to be found in the mind 
than in the mud, and that love is i 
nitely better than lust. 

John M. Kaman, Robert H. Melka. 
Michael Maas, Daniel P. Roberto 
University of Notre Dame 

South Bend, Indiana 

Fortunately, we don't find it necessary 
to choose between the merits of the 
body and soul — we don't consider them 
mutually exclusive, or in conflict with 
one another; nor do we connect sex with 
mud, or find love and lust opposing one 
another, We would also remind you that 
this country was founded by men who 
found it "difficult to conform to the 
norms and rules" imposed upon them. 
That's what brought the Quakers to 
America; that's what sent the Mormons 
out West; that's what brought the Catho- 
lies to Maryland. We like to think of 
ourself as being part of. and a voice іп, 
that society which you seem to put forth 
in the third person, as something apart 
from the individual. If you feel that the 
status quo — be it social, economic, sexual 
or religious — is inviolate, we suggest you 
reread world history, wherein the only 
constant has been change, A society that 
stands still actually regresses, when sur- 
rounding cultures advance, We don't 
believe that America is standing still: 
sexual attitudes are just one phase of a 
changing cultural pattern in the United 
States. We believe that this social evolu- 
tion is a good and necessary thing and we 
also believe that discussing it is healthy. 
H is difficult to find the logic in a society 
that is technologically advanced enough 
to talk about putting a man on the moon, 
but at the same time adheres to socio- 
sexual taboos and dogmas formulated in 
the Middle Ages. 


PLAYBOY 


54 


GOD AND MAN 

Tam worried and not a little dismayed 
by the picture of religion which your 
concerned and thoughtful Philosophy 
presents to the American “Religious 
lishment.” Without presuming to 
speak for the entire spectrum of this 
stablishment, I would like to verb 
some of my thoughts to you and yo 
readers, as am equally concerned 
quite dedicated believer in the Christian 
Iaith. Consider this, if you will, one 
man's witness for that faith, to a portion 
of his community, the United States of 
America. 

The April issue brought me to my type- 
writer with а whole complex of indict- 


ments, which you have articulated, and 
which lor the past 50 years have been 


lying at the foot of the Christian. alt 
gathering dust. This century has evolved 
а perversion around the person of God. 
This man-made image which has been 
m sorry to 
man — ever 
pliment of 


labeled God came not, 1 
from God, but 


say, from 
attempting to return the coi 
God. Since God 
man has felt the necessity of returning 
the compliment: the unhappy results 
all aboutus, and they are what prompted 
you to write. 

Man seems to have forgotten that 


when God created the world, He created 
it good: in place of this, we have 
evolved the idea that God has a dirty 


n is the result. In- 
5 some sort of 
ig his time de- 
ningless 


mony with 


mind — апа that m 


in judge, spend 
veloping an endless list of. me 
do's and don'ts, man ought to be пуй 
10 work and live in closer hà 
his С tor. 

We seem to have forgotten what 
Christ taught — that we are all the chil- 
dren of a loving God: what has been put 
forth as gospel instead is a remote and 
y God, whose favor we must some- 
how try to win. We call the worship of 
idols pagan and yet an endless array of 
idols has infiltrated the Christian com- 
munity: one of these you have rightly 
ed as censorship: Puritanism is 
nother — with its monstrous notion that 
in the very body of man, as 
we find a belief that God 


such. 
t one for exposing 
y and I really feel he 
just as much to do, if not 
ring over idols in his church 
today. 1 think it would be very worth- 
while if one of your Playboy Interviews 
еп over to someone who could 


show this New Generation that the 
whole Christian Establishment is not 
pervaded with such things as your indict- 


ment rightly describes. Since, by default, 
you have become the spokesman for my 
neration, I feel you must assume the 
responsibility of beginning the dialog 
which is necessary in order to restore the 


communication which has broken down. 
between people and the church. 
Parker Н. Moore, Junior Seminarian 
The Fpiscopal Seminary in Kentucky 
Lexington, Kentucky 


RELIGIOUS HUMANISM 

Unitarian and Universalist 
have called my attention to 
series on religion in rrAvmov. 


you 
With some difficulty, 1 managed to get 


all of the back issues since December 
1962, and so catch up on what you have 
been running. You know something — I 
don't see how а nonprofessional, a lay 
man, has been able to do such a job. 
I have five earned academic degrees: I 
1 for several periodicals that publish 

nd, when 1 have the time, cor- 


rect some manuscripts, so 1 speak with 
some authority when 1 there is 
a tremendous amount of work repre- 


sented in your series and your references 
are to the best scholars in the field. 

It seems remarkable to me that th 
ies should appear in a prettygirl 
magazine (no offense intended): also, 
that so many ministers know about your 
magazine and its editorials. 

My extrapastoral work is for scholarly, 
probably stully, learned periodicals. 
With diffidence I advise that some peo- 
ted that I might make a 
to playboy in this field 
[excerpts from two such letters follow] — 
provided, of course, that your expi 
ment, if your editorial series may be 
termed that, evokes the positive response 
I anticipate. I don't know that I could 
be of any use to you, but as a minister 
1 like to bring а civilized approach to 
religion for people, as you are doing 
in sex. In any event, congratulations on 
а job well done. 

Harold Scott, Minister 

First Congregational Parish, Uni 

Kennebunk, Maine 


Dear Harold: 
I want to congratulate you on 


your artide, "The Survival of 
Supernaturalism,” in the Summer 
1963 issue of Humanist World 
Digest —it is one of your best to 


date. My only complaint is that the 
article won't be read by enough 
people — but 1 have a remedy lor 
that. I suggest you condense it some 
and send it to The Play 
c/o PLAYBoy magazine. 
Harold, are you familiar with 
rravsov? Have you bought or 
read any copies lately? 1 bought my 
sue (September 1965) two 
days ago. This magazine, I under- 
stand, has a tremendous circulation 
ong college students and. success- 
ecutives. They claim the n 
readers is over 


boy Forum, 


ful 
dian income of thei 


510.000 a year. The remarkable 
thing is that the owner and editor, 


Mr. Hefner, has been publishing his 


The Playboy 
month for the 


philosophy (called 
Philosophy) ever 


past 10 issues; the in 
September is Part 10 it is a 
real historical blast against Chris- 


tian orthodoxy — and. from what I 
other installments are equally 
and rough on C.O. 1t seems 
his philosophy is agnosticism and, 
I guess, Humanism and Epicurean- 
ism, But, Harold, look at the tre- 
mendous guts of the man 10 come 
out with this philosophy in a 
zine of such wemendous circulati 
t the circulation 
is, but I believe it is well over a mil- 
lion. And in a letter department 
called The Playboy Forum, he 
vites readers to respond with their 
own ideas on the subjects he has 
been editorializing about. Get a copy 
of the magazine and write to them. 
rLAYBOY has the audience — the 
successful young executives and col- 
lege men. I hope you take advan 
of this opportuni 


Dcar Dr. Scott: 
It is not necessary to tell you that 
ever since the Neo-Pythago: 


ans ex- 
pressed the principle of authority 
from divine revelation religious 
tolerance, found among the pagans, 
has been extinct. It set the stage for 
fanatically held convictions of non- 
demonstrable humbug, killed scien 
tific inquiry and led to the D. 

1 read your excellent article on 
superstition in the Summer issue ol 
Humanist World Digest. It cer- 
tainly deserves a wide 
The number it reached was infini- 
tesimal and most of them are al- 
ready rationalists. It should be read 
by many who have never heard of 
H.W.D.. or any other publication of 
its kind. rravmoy magazine has 
un to publish some unorthodox 
that is reaching readers by 
ions. A competent scholar, 
such as your article proves you to 
be, could do more for Humanism 


article in rrAvrov than 
ad in H.W.D. 
Superstition is a Hydra-headed 


monster and а sword is much morc 
clfective against it than а penknife. 

‘The pot is beginning to boil ata 
faster rate and it is in continuous 
need of fuel to keep it boiling. The 
English have backed the [liberalizing 
of the] Anglican Church to such a 
extent that, for all prac 
poses, they are almost Unit 
and Humanists. The same сап be 
done in this country. 

At least Г the ministers in the 
U. S., gulled into superstition by dot- 
ing parents, would welcome a rebel- 
lion that would give them a chance 


to throw off «ней cloak оГ hypoc- 
riy: the other half are still as 
primitive as the clergy of the Dark 
Ages. A positive change for the bet 
ter can be brought about and 
PLAYmOy ollers hope that the proc 
ess ds beginning to accelerate. It 
would certainly keep its momentum 
with your help. 

Religious Tund 
bred. and continues to breed. some 
unsavory monsters. This authoritari- 
anism. when transposed into the 
secular field, breeds Birchism, Mc 
Carthyism, communism and fascism 
When you fig you fight them 
all. 

Keep up the good work aud may 
your pen never run dry. Check into 
PLAYBOY. 


mentalism has 


W. L. Saunders 
Wichita F 
pr vuoy welcomes the respected voice 
of Reverend Harold Scott — along with 
those of every religious denomination 
that believes that our society should be 
both free and rational. Excerpts from 
Dr. Scott's article, “The Survival of 
Supematuralism.” аге reprinted. below, 
wilh permission, from the Summer 1963 
issue of Humanist World Digest 
On its inside cover, Humanist World 
Digest defines religious Humanism: 
"The religious Humanist feels that re- 
ligion without a natural scientific basis 
is ейһег myth or superstition, Con 
versely, science without a moral basis is 
incomplete and nonhumanistic. We hold 
that it is the function of science to 
seck truth, and the [unction of religion 
то warm and supplement it . 


ls. Texas 


THE SURVIVAL OF 
st PERNATU RALISM 


was bom imo а world 


that except for a few philosophers ac 
cepted supernaturalism. Professor Wil 
loughby of the University of Chicago 
used to be fond of telling us that for 
the ancients the supernatural was nat 
ural. The supernatural has always been 
an integral part of orthodox Christian 
theology 
While religion is native, natural and 
intrinsic to men the interpretation of 
ion, that is theology, has described 
ely in terms of supernatural 
y part 
For me 


ism. | sec 
of our experience supernatural. 
supernaturalism. is superstition. 

In order to compete with the. many 
theories of religion of the world ін which 
it was born, Christianity not only had to 
offer supernaturalis, but a more extrav- 
uralism than Judaism, the 
ry cults, or the Numa re- 
ligion of Rome. The late Professor Gil 
bert Murray liked to assure us that 
“Christianity came into no empty world.” 

"The exposition of Gentile Christianity 
by Paul is meaningless without super- 


по point in callii 


CHARLES BEAUMONT- J. PAUL GETTY 
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RAY BRADBURY- SHEL SILVERSTEIN 
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56 


naturalism. Not only the piddling mira- 
cles but the whole cosmic genesis and 
destiny are simplified by supernaturalism. 
Jesus is not a Jewish teacher, prophet 
and humanitarian but the principal 
figure in a cosmic plor in which, unfor- 
tunately, hum: re involved. 

Paul taught that the saved Christian 
had become a divine creature no longer 
subject to the limitations of ordinary 
mortals. He assumed attributes of deity 
such as sinlessness and immunity to 
death and decay. In some cases he was 
able to communicate directly with other 
deities, as God the Father, Christ, spirits 
and angels, converse in strange tongues, 
cast out demons, heal the sick and crip- 
pled without recourse to 
surger " , have visions, 
receive revelations, foretell the future, 
handle snakes and not be bitten, and 
in general uanscend the world of mor 
sense. Yet the church for the 
claims it teaching New Testame 
Chi i It was nothing less than 
all of this that Paul offered members of 
the First Century. Mediterranean. world 
if the Chr ns. The 
marvel is, not that he was successful, but 
that so olten he failed of success. 

Early Christianity had по faith in 
man. Man was helpless. Hope for man 
in this life and for cternity depended on 
supernatural interventio 

The persistence of supernaturalism 
into our time is onc ol the most remark. 
able of social phenomena. It is а com- 
a) the lack of integration 
‚ (b) the lack of carry-over 
in education and (c) the superstitious 
regard for the pulpit even in this age of 
disintegrating historical theology. 

Not only did the early Christian reli 
gion claim mor id better miracles than 
were previously available, but Christians 


1 beings 


medicine or 


would become 


condemned non-Christian miracles as 
fakes or as proceeding from Satan. 


The whole history of heresy has in it 
of jealousy in respect to who 
had supernatural power. The Catholics 
discount Protestant mirades. The Protes- 
ike fun of Catholic miracles. 
In the same manner Christians have 
denied there was any revelation but 
Christian revelation. Revelation by defi 
nition is the imparting of knowledge 
to a human or humans by supernatural 
means. It is claimed to be immediate, 
ineffable and indescribable. It is a 
unique expe ncc it is unique, it 
cannot be examined scientifically. Still, 
the burden of proof should be upon the 
person who claims a revelation, He who 
in angels shoukl be asked to 
produce one for our examin 
Not only have Christians de 
than Christian miracles 
condemned to death 
possessed of а devil, 
magical power, but they have turned 
upon their neighbors and slaughtered 


fellow humans who claimed 
than orthodox. 
ve tortured, burned а 
estants and heretical Catholics, and Prot- 
estants have tortured, burned and 
şed other Protestant 
So long as any imerpretation of reli- 
ms to have been а revelation 
m God) it must hold all else 
and must be intolerant and has 
nnot 
Revelation corrupts reli- 
gion. The Inquisition was inevitable. 
The ancients explained phenomer 
terms of supernaturalism because they 
had no other explanations. They had no 
telescope on Mt. Palomar through which 
they could read the secrets of many 
worlds. They had no compound micro- 
scopes by which they could lay раге the 
mysteries of nature's vital processes. The 
only way the ancients had of knowir 
truth to be truth was to have it supe: 
naturally guaranteed. To claim super- 
natural authenti for Christiani: 
was the only way it possibly could be- 
popular rel 
= wild super 
atly modifed or rejected by schol 


is erro 
in it the seeds of persecui 


n. 


we see d 


ship. the masses [still] love, ¢ 
мі 


def They demand it from jx 
Sunday-morning broadcasts are full of it. 
Religion is man's response to his € 
onment. Theology interpreta- 
tion of the religious drive, Listeners 10 
my radio addresses sometimes accused 
me of "tearing down 
cannot be done. If you 
roof and you put on new shingle 
< not waring down your house. It is 
not meritorious or religious to believe 
something because it is in an ancient 
book, or because a lot of people have 
believed it, or to hold, as Tertullian did 
— before he backslid — that it is true 
because it is unbelievable. The church 
is a backward institution. It need not 
be. It will be а backward institution 

until it abandons supernatuvalism: 
Harold Scott. M.S., Th.D. 

Kennebunk, Maine 


PURITANISM AND PUBLIC MORALITY 

It is, of course, no accident that 
PLAYBOY places the majority of the 
blame for the unsatisfactory condition 
of American sex morals on thc old New 
gland Puritans. But perhaps the 
blame should focus less upon thei 
mores than upon the fact that they were 
the founders of the U.S. tradition of 
public morals. Many people have been 
as prudish: the Puritan courtship cu 
tom of bundling became so "unpur 
that some mothers were forced to tie 
their da legs together. They 
hardly could be called tcetotalers cithe 
Considerable amounts of rum were 
drunk at Puritan weddings. 

But what placed an indelible stamp 
оп U.S. history was the fact that the 
Puritan theocracies spawned a tradition 


of publie morals with strong rel 
overtones, Аз a result, private freedom 
here is largely mythical. Qu 
in the hands of numerous ` 
of society." The local high-school prin- 
cipal tells his students how to we 
hair. Observance of religious rituals is 
forced upon students in public schools. 
And the Postmaster Gene thinks he 
should determine what publica 
be read. 

You have picked a choice 
overdue area for social reform, Keep up 
the good work. 


Geoffrey Gall 


Kalamazoo, Michi; 


PERSONAL PURITANISM 

I began reading your Playboy Philos- 
ophy rather casually, with no true feeling 
of involvement — rather, in the mood of 
one willing to be amused, and unwilling 
to believe that the publisher of PLAYROY 
could strike real flame from a resinous 
and incredibly complex mass of firewood. 
T'm a novelist and writer of short stories 
(and of many other things) and а pretty 
damned good one, sometimes; one of my 
stories was in PLaynoy, a couple of уса 
ago. Aud, as | read on, T simultaneously 
found myself going through a person 
crisis of exploration and self-questionin 
I'll spare the details, but it's enough 10 
say that Т found huge icy blocks of puri 
tanical glacial matter, which had be 
placed in my personal path in my boy 
hood, and which 1 had shut mv eyes to: 
now I saw them 
finally. take a 


and could. slowly but 
ne look at them, and 
assess them for what they were. Your 
PLAYBOY articles weren't the entire cure- 
all in this case, but they were catalytic 
enough. and honest enough, to be strong 
contributing factors in helping me in mv 
semiblind search for self-knowledge. And 
they also helped me, i n subtle 
ways, to free the writing (which is, of 
course, my life) 1 
me. I'm not saying yours is a holy missio 
— that would call for a definition of holi 
ness, and 1 don't intend to get into 
theological hair shaving. But that the 
marvelously 
nything that 
te is pre is needed, and 
requires no two-and-a-half cheers, but the 
full three — delivered fortissimo. 

Paul Darcy Boles 
New York, New York 


gen 


nd to free others 


өш 


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on subjects and issues raised in our con. 
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on either the "Philosophy" or the 
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i 


THE PLAYBOY PHILOSOPHY 


the fourteenth part of a statement in which playboy's editor-publisher spells out—for friends 
and critics alike—our guiding principles and editorial credo 


CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY is undergoing a 
profound Sexual Revolution — it is ap- 
our books, m novies, 


zines, 


id everyday conve 
of communication. 

To some it represents а decline i 
moral standards — a turning away from 
the divinely revealed Word of God. 
expressed. in the Bible, the Ten Com- 
mandments and Judaco-Christ 
heritage that a majority of Americans 
share: to others it represents а acing 
п enlightened 
т keep- 


sation — 


in every а 


the 


up to "the [acts of lile.” 
se 


chi for a 
ing w 


ew morality mc 
» modem ter under 
standing of both 1 nd the world 
in which he lives a quest for a new 
code of conduct consistent with our 
conduct itself and upon reason 
rather than supersti 

n wpoint one espouse 
there is common agreement that 
Sexual Revolution is taking place and 
that the old religious restrictions have 
lide or mo infi sexual 
behavior of a sizable mt of ot 
society. For these citizens, at least, a 
new, more acceptable moral code must 
be found. 

We will offe 
our awn concept of a sexual. ethic for 
modern society. But first we wish to con- 
sider the extent to which the old tradi 
tions aboos surrounding sex have 


based 


ion. 
t whatever 


(c on the 


segm 


in a subsequent issue, 


ul 


become inoperative and largely inellec 
tual: we wan to discuss, also. the 
dangers inherent in any such societa 


schizophrenia — where a significant 
exists between professed beliefs 
actual behavior — and the 
such inconsistency can have upon the 
very fiber of society itself, especially 
when the moral code that a m 
part of society refuses to accept is r 
forced by legal restraints in all 50 of 
these United States. 


effect th 


RELIGION IN A FREE SOCIETY 


We have previously discussed the im- 
portance of the separation of church 
and state in a free society and concluded 
that any fusion o[ religion and govern- 
ment is irreconcilable with the ideals of 


our democracy. The founding fathers 
took seriously the lessons of religious 
persecution and tyranny offered by his- 


tory and gave us а Constitution and а 


editorial By Hugh M. Hefner 


Bill of Rights th; arantee full frec- 
dom to and from religion 

The dominant religion in America is 
ianity and all who accept its teach- 
s should be bee to live accordingly. 
itis obvious to even the casual ob- 
server that there is a wide divergence in 
the social. moral and religious precepts 
of the various Christian denominations. 
And what of the non-Christians in our 
democracy? Obviously the Jews, Bud- 
ts, Mohammedans, — existentialists, 
помех and atheists should be equally 
free to follow their own religious con 
victions. Each man’s freedom should be 
imited only 10 the extent that it in- 
fringes upon the freedom of others. 

It was the search for such religious 
freedom that brought many of the or 
inal settlers to the New World in the 
first place. It was the awareness of the 
portance of such freedom that prompt- 


Chi 


ed George Washington to say, “The 
Government of the United States of 
America is not. any sense, founded on 


the Christian re 
And James Madison, 
founding fathers, said. "Who does not 
see that the same authority which can 
establish Christianity. in exclusion of 
other religions, may establish. with 
the same ny particular sect of 
Christi exclusion of all other 
sects?” 
Clearly, then, each member of society 
should be free to practice, and to preach, 
his own particul; . but no re- 
bly forced 


nother оГ our 


asc 


as, dn 


ligious doctrine can. be just 


upon society bv the state. 


RELIGION AND MORALITY 


АП relig 
cepts as a p: 


ions 


include some moral pre 
t of their theology aud ther 
are broad. similarities among the moral 
codes of the major religions of the 
Western World — Protestant, Catholic 
and Jewish, But there is not nearly the 
nity of opinion on sex within or- 
ganized religion in the U. S. th 
assumed, and among laymen there is 
virtually no agreement whatsoever. 
Modern Christianity includes а sig- 
nificint stain of antisexuality — intro- 
duced, as we have observed, first. by St. 
Paul, strongly reinforced by the medi- 


una 


is often 


eval Church, and again by the leaders 
of the Reformation and the Counter 
Reformation. The Protestant Puritan- 


ism that developed first in England and 
then America drew its antisexual preju- 
dices primarily from the teachings of 
Calvin. Puritanism became the principal 
religious influence on the social patu 
that evolved. in both. count 
U.S, Jewish and Catholic immig 
were influenced by the 
Protestant culture, and (he C. 
reinforced our antisexual morts with 
sexual prejudices of their own. Thus ilic 
Protestant, Catholic or Jew in Ameri 
is more apt to be sexually repressed than 
his counterpart in free societies else 
where in the world. 


JEWISH MORALITY 


As the oldest of the 


the 
ants 


ies; in 


ajor 
Western civilization, Judaism supplied 
the historic soil from which Christianity 
grew. Christian. antisexualism was not 
derived Brom the earlier Judaic culture, 
however. and Jewish societies have been 
traditionally more permissive in matters 
of sex than either the Roman Catholic 
or the Protes 


gions of 


cady stated in our 
п of religion and sex 
in the August and September issue 
early Judaism accepted sex as а natural 


5 


part of life. The early Jews, according 
to C. Ratiray vlor. in Sey іп History, 


"believed. strongly (hat one should 
joy the pleasures of lile, including those 
of sex, and some teachers held that [on 
ones] Там day one would have to ac 
count to Cod for every pleasure that onc 
һай failed to enjoy 

The only sexual injunctions in the Ten 
Commandments are against adultery and 
coveting of a neighbor's wife. OF these, 
Taylor says, “It must be understood that 
in this period. just as in Rome and 
Greece, adultery was a property offense 
and meant infringing the rights of an- 
other not mean that a m 
should restrict his attentions to his wife: 
indeed, when a wife proved barren, 
she would often give one of her hand. 
maidens to her husband that she might 
bear children for him. Moreover, 
Bible often reminds us, men were free 
to maintain mistresses, іп addition to 
their wives; on the number of wives a 


n. It d 


is the 


61 


PLAYBOY 


62 


jı might have there was no restriction 
Nor was there any ban on premarita 
ed dt 
ment is there 


sex: it is seldom apprec 
where in the Old Test: 

prohibition of. noncommerc 
meditated fornication — ар; 
nd subject to a father’s right to claim 
a vig 


cash interest i [daughter] 
ched the age of 

to engage in 

unless her father spe- 

ade it. Prostitution, though 


frowned о and in Jeru. 
salem the whores were so numerous that 
they had their own market place. Nor 
іп pre-Exilic days was sodomy a crime, 
except when commited as part of re- 
ligious worship of non-Jewish gods.” 

Tn an article in а recent issue of 
the Journal of Religion and Health, 

confirms. th 
ıd extramari 
fidelity were "not demanded of Hebrew 
men, Prostitution, both sacred and pro 
fane, existed in Isracl . . ." Morton М 
ıt writes, in The Natural History of 
Men in the Old Testament were 
patriarchal and powerful, and often 
guiltlessly enjoyed the services of several 
wives and concubines.” 

Lehrman states further, "Because the 
ng of children was regarded as such 
a blessing, dying in the virgin state w 
d unfortunate rather than de 
22. Sexuality and eating . . 
would seem to have been regarded rather 
aly by the Old Testament. It 
permanently forbade certain types of 
food and sex, and sometimes tempo 
ily prohibited all eating and sexu 
activity. Permanent and total 
abstention seems to have been as foreign 
to its thinking, however, a 
d total abstention from food. 
“Although sexuality was 
without question throughout early Bib: 
lical times, and in tbe Mosaic code in 
particular, various aspects of the latter 
have given rise to the erroneous belief 
that the Old Tes s antisexual 
uch asceticism appears to be altogether 
foreign to the traditions of Israel.” 

In Hebrew Marriage. David Масе 
writes, “The entire positive attitude to 
rd sex which the Hebrews adopted 
was to me an unexpected discovery. , , 
1 had not realized that it had its roots 
in an essentially clean conception. of 
the essential goodness of the sexual func 
tion. This is something very dillicult for 
us to grasp, reared as we have bei 
ich has produced іп 
minds the idea t 
sinful..." 

PostExilic Judaism developed certain 
sex [ears and repressions as a masochistic 
reaction to persecution. These same fe 
and restrictions later found their wa 
into early Christianity, which also suf- 
fered persecution and hence proved a 
fertile held for them, The extreme asceti- 


‚ Was common, 


sexu 


сергей 


ament 


w 


a tradition wi nany 


sex ds essentially 


cism and antisesuality of the medicval 
Church and of Protestant Puritanism 


have no parallel in Judaic history, how- 
ever. 

Whatever antisexual element exists in 
modern Judaism is probably due, for 
the most part, to the nearly 2000 ve; 
of coexistence im primarily Christ 
cultures, American Jews — while 
nearly as sexually permissive as th 


He- 
brews of the Old Testament — are more 


liberal than either American Catholics 
or ihe main stream of American Prot- 
estinti: 


m. 


CATHOLIC MORALITY 


Christian antisexuality began, as we 
have stated, not with Christ, but with 
St. Paul, who was strongly affected i 
his views by the mystical religions of 
the Orient. which were then spreadi 

throughout the Roman Empi 
had an extremely negative, pessimistic 


view of mankind in general, and sex in 
the 


icular; he believed u 
іс end of the world was 


catt 


nent 


and that man should, therefore. put 
all things worldly to prepare him- 

sell for that evem 
John Short writes of Paul, in The 


Interpreter's Bible, "Obviously the mar- 
riage relationship did not appeal 10 
bim .. . [he] seems to have regarded the 
more intimate sex relationship with 
some distaste, He is of the definite opin- 
that it is better. for Christians. to 
follow his personal example. and re- 
main unmarried.” Paul himself wrote, 
“It is well for a man not to touch 
woman but conceded that it was 
y than to “burn.” He also 
wrote, "For 1 know that in me dwelleth 
no good thing. . . . For the good that I 
would do, 1 do not; but the evil which 
I would not, that 1 do. Oh wretched 
man 1 ШІ deliver 
from the body of this death? 

But St, Paul's antisexualism was slight 


ion 


better to 


me 


compared to the twisted theological 
thought that followed him — and. upon 


which much of our more recem Chi 
tian antisexuality is based. In Sex in 
Christianity and Psychoanalysis, William 
Graham Cole, then Chairman of the 
Deparment of Religion at 
Colle ТАП unwiti 
Paul] marked the transit 
tween the healthy and positive attitude 
toward (he body which characterized 
the Old Testament and Jesus, and the 
icgative du: nae: 
огей the thought of the Church. . . . 
Although in most respects the Chu 
succesfully defended the ramparts 
m, the citadel of sex fell to the 
ingly. virginity be 


е. wrote: 


ism which. 


necessity for the propagation of the race, 
10 be avoided and denied by the sp 
ually strong. .. . Even those who were 


"consumed with passion” wi 
Ж 


re urged not 
ту. to discipline themselves, to 


mornify the flesh, for ihe flesh was 
evil 
Ош ol Pauline dualism — derived 


from the mystical rel — ihe 
carly Church conceived of the body and 
soul of man as being in perpetual com 
bat: deprive the body and you feed the 
soul: satisfy the body and the 
damned to eternal hellfire. Asceticism 
turned into masochism and self-corture, 
as fanatical monks retired to the burn- 
ing deserts of North Africa to mortify 

ir flesh, fasting. flagellating them- 
going without sleep and relusing 
to wash; some castrated themselves in 
order to be freed from the torments of 
the flesh. 

The Church's 
an obsession: virginity, sexual rest 
and denial were prized above all else. 
and eventually became a requirement of 
all those taking churchly vows. Sexual 
pleasure became a sin — first outside of 
ge. and eventually inside ol it 
as well. Marriage itself was held in low 


soul is 


esteem, as were all women — who were 
viewed as a temptation to evil. 
Roman society was sexually liberal 


tus of 


d had tended to upgrade the st 
women. in comparison to earlier times. 
In his book Premarital Sexual Standards 
in America, Ira L. Reiss, Profesor of 
Sociology at Bard College, states: “The 
Christians opposed [rom the beginning 
the new changes in the family and in 
female status. They fought the 
emancipation of women and the easier 
divorce law! I| a very low 
ard [or sex ıd for n 
riage. . . . Ultimately, these early Chris- 
tians of the first few centuries accorded 
marriage. family life, women, and sex 
the lowest status of any known culture 
in the world 
Taylor states that the Christian code 
was based. quite simply, “upon the con 
Viction that the sexual act was to be 
avoided like the plague, except for the 
bare minimum necessary to keep the race 
in existence. Even when performed for 
this purpose. it remained a regrettable 
necessity. Those who could were exhorted 
to avoid it entirely, even if married. For 
those pable of such heroic self-denial, 
ther t spiders web of regu 
lations whose overriding purpose 
to make the sexual act as joyless as pos- 
sible and to resuict it to the minimum. 
Taylor points out that it w 


nca 


was а gre 


was 


s not the 
s considered dan 


ure derived. from 


sex act itself which w 
nable, “but any plea 
it — and. this pleasure ‘d damna- 
ble even when the act was performed 
for the purpose of procreation . . 27 
Not only was the pleasure of the se 
act held to be sinful, but also the m 
desire for 
even when unconsummated. 
the love of a man for 


e 
person of the opposite sex, 
And since 


conceived as, at least partially, sex. 
this led to the concept tha 
should not love his wife too 
In fact, Peter Lombard main- 
1 his De excusatione coitus, that 
husband to love his wife too 
y is a sin worse than adultery. 
the Eighth Century, the Church 
had begun to develop a strict system of 
ecclesiastical laws, codifying ever 
of sexual activ 
tial books. 
though it did not become u 


required of those with priestly function 
until the Ith Century. Since chastity 
was a virtue, it became virtuous for 
wives to deny sex to their husbands, 


пу did. As we | 
it is do 

ed the sum total 

y husbands were 


which many 
viously obse 
if (his actus 


ln some penitentials, fo 
declared а worse crime than. murde 
Attempting to fornicate, kissing, even 
thinking of fornication, were all forbid- 
den and called for penalties: Гог the last 

е lasted 
on a neces 


named transgression, the pen 
for 40 days. Nor was intenti 
sary requisite for sin, for involun 
nocturnal emissions were considered 
sinful: the offender had to rise at once 
cl sing seven pe ms, with 


n additional 30 in the morning. 
The penitentials also devoted an iv 
ordinately large amount of space to 


for homosexuality and bestial- 
jı upon which the greatest 
ed was masturbation. I 
Social Control of Sex Expression, Geol- 
frey May states that іп five compar 
tively short medieval penitential code: 
paragraphs dealing with 
s of sodomy and bestiality, 
n 25 dealing with ma 
turbation by laymen, plus a number of 
others dealing separately with masturba- 
tion by members of the clergy. Accord- 
ng to Aquinas, it was a greater sin than 
fornication. 
We have remarked previously on the 
isighis supplied by mode 
мо soc 
laboos. 7 activity is nearly universal 
in in ıd since punishment comes 
when the child is too young to under 
stand its significance, and when mastu 
bation r у s ol 
pleasun assistance. a 
fear ol this specific pleasure becomes 
imbedded in his unconscious and later 
generalized. into a fear of other sexual 
pleasure. Such taboos are thus to be 
found in almost any society suffering 
from repression or feelings of guilt and 
shame related to sex. 
The Church fathers incre 
fied every aspect of sexual beh: 
the wh coitus 
d wife, for the purpose of 


pe 
ity, but the s 
stress was pl: 


there 
ious degres 
and no fewer th: 


(side 


ingly codi- 
ior to 
betwi 


oul 


point 


husband 


procreatioi 
tion, was considered 
ural.” Sodomy, fellatio and cunnilingus 
were prohibited — even among. married 
couples and where such foreplay might 
be the prelude to coitus. Sex was also 
to certain days of the wee 
ез of the year: G. Ratiray Taylor 
the Middle 
sual rela- 
tions— even between man and wile— 
for the equivalent of five months out of 
every year." 

Taylor makes dı ction that 
these limitations on sex were calculated 
to make it as pleasurcless as possible 
and that the Church laws prohibiting 
my (which had been permitted in 


та “nar 


restricted 
d iii 
states that at one 


ad not forbid- 
by the carly С п fathers) and 
divorce (which the early Church had 
recognized for a limited number of r 


sons, including barrenness, religious in- 
compatibility and prolonged absence) 
were motivated. by an interest in cur- 


tailing sexual opportunity to the abso- 
lute minimum. 
imikarly 
broa d in the 
dude second. and eventually third, 
cousins — as well as the godparents and 
the witnesses at a baptism or confirma- 
tion (it eventually became a sin for 
even relatives of the godparents, prist 
and witnesses to marry one another). 
MI of this tended to reduce the oppor- 
tunity for “sin” (sex) and it is easy to 
пе that in some small villages there 

have been literally no one to. 
whom a person of marriageable age could 
be legitimately wed 

The Church forbade all sex with 
animals (bestiality) and then defined 
copulation with а Jew as a form of 
bestiality. with the same penalties — 
which is not without a certain irony, 
since the Christian law against bestiality 
was derived from the Jews. 
Because it considered marriage a con 
minating, process, the Church at first 
refused to perform the n 
mony, but later — as а part of its com- 
prehensive attempt to control all sexual 
matters — it urged couples to 
marriage vows in the church, eventually 
proclaiming church marriage compul 
sory and all civil ceremonies invalid. 
The Church di refused. 10 perform. 
weddings at certain times of the y 
and Taylor reports that at опе point 
there were only 23 weeks in the yea 
n marriages were le ” The 
Church also restricted the hours dui 
which the wedding vows could be taken; 
first declaring that the ceremony should 
be performed openly, “it established that 
marriages must take place in daylight, 
but later defined daylight as eight А.м. 
10 noon." 

The Church fathers had 
tion about rewriting the Bible to their 


laws 


against incest 
Heth Cemu 


were 
to in- 


le 


par 


w gal. 


о reserva 


own ends. W. H. Lecky states, in The 
History of the Rise and Influence of the 
Spirit of Rationalism in Europe. “The 
fathers laid down a distinct proposition 
that pious frauds were justifiable and 
able . . . [and] immediately. 
all ecclesiasti 
ed with a spirit of the most 
mendacity.” Taylor says, 
desperation is enough 10 explain the 
ruthlessness with which the Church re- 
peatedly distorted and even falsified the 
Biblical record in order to produce jus 
tification [or its laws." 
Attaching, as they did, so m 
portance to preventing masturbation, 
the medieval churchmen sought Biblical 
justification this prohibition and 
: twisted the Scriptures 
to suit their purpose. Genesis 38 refers 
to Onan's seed falling upon the ground 
and his subsequently being pat to death. 
The interpretation was established — 


literature. bes 


and is still widely believed — that this. 
passage refers to masturbation, from 
which we derive the word onanism as 


a synonym for the practice. The pass 
actually refers to coins interruptus and 
Onan was put to death f g the 
law of the levirate, by which німі 
provide his deceased brother's wife with 
offspring, so that the family's possessions 
сап be handed down to direct descend- 
is 

The Catholic ion Е. de 
Smet, in his book Belrothment and 
Marriage, comments upon this: "From 
the text and context it would seem that 
the blame of the sacred writer. applics 
directly to the. wrongfu tion ol 
the of the levirate, 
than the sp 


viola 


a man 


'ustr 
tended Dv 
ng of the 


law 


The 
not opposed 


Romans, Jews and Greeks had 
portion, but Tertu 
using an inaccurate translation. of 
dus 21:22, which refers to punish 
man who injures a pregnant. woman. 
rized the belief that the Bible 
bortion to be a crime. Rabbi G 
ner states, “The Bible itself does not 
mention it at all. . . Опе might argue 
t therapeutic abortion, at least, would 
not be considered. objec 


popu! 
held 


ble, since 
the embryo [is] a part of the mou 
(like a limb), and not a separate entity 
Taylor notes that though the error i 
машон has long since been 
the Church still m 
po: opposing abortion, 
opposition has bei 
кеси! law. Which also demonstr 
At the moral laws of Christianity are 
frequently not so much derived [rou 
Biblical authority, as Biblical authority 
sought to justify the particular prejudices 
and predilections of the tin 

The Church's interpretation of 
story of Adam and Eve in the G 
of Eden provides 
example of constru 


nized, 


its 
this 


and 
n incorporated. into 


tes 


Scripture in ways 


PLAYBOY 


not consistent with the text. To support 
its general position on sex, the story 
was changed to suggest that the “forbid- 
den fruit” Adam tasted in the Garden 
was sex, with Eve cast in the role of the 
temptress. Thus the Original Sin that 
Adam handed down to all of us was 
sexual i But the Bible makes 
по such statement: the book of Genesis 
states that Adam defied God by eating 
from the tree of the knowledge of good 
nd evil, making him godlike, and it is 
for this that God expelled him from 
Paradise. William Graham Cole wrote: 
“The preponderance of theological opin- 
ion, in both Jewish and Christian circles, 
has interpreted the Original Sin as pride 
and rebellion against God. The Church's 
ive attitude toward sex has misled 
nto belief that the Bible portrays 
ill as erotic in origin. Neither 
the Bible itself nor the history of Chris- 
tian thought substantiates such a belief." 

It is also worth noting that in the 
story of the Garden of Eden, the female 
is viewed in an unfavorable light — not 
only is she created from one of Adam's 
ribs, placing her in a position of being 
his possession, but Eve is also the one 
who tempts Adam into breaking God's 
commandment, thus causing their down- 
fall. In an alternate explanation of the 
story, menstruation was explained as а 
“curse” imposed upon women for Eve's 
treachery and that time of the month is 
still sometimes referred to by women 


natu 


ne} 


many 


today as “having the curse.” without any 
knowledge of the ex pression's derivation. 


Women were ge 
source of sin and contam 
with sex and m by 
of the Middle Ages. 
sexual evil really dwelt within woman 
nd that she was a constant temptation 
to man, who might otherwise re 
pure. Tertullian proclaimed to all wom 
cn: "Do you not know that each one of 
is an Eve? The sentence of God on 
of yours lives in this age: the 
ust of necessity live, too. You are 
the Devil's gateway we she 
who persuaded him whom the Devil was 
not valiant enough to attack . . .” 
Nor were such attitudes held by only 
few members of the clergy. Robert 
Brillault states, “These views were not, 
as has been sometimes represented, ex- 
ceptions and the extreme. . . . [The 
fathers of the Church] were one and all 
greed. ... The principles of the fathers 
were confirmed by decrees of the synods, 
nd are embodied in the canon of the 
nl of Tr 
John Langdon-Davies states, in his 
Short History of Women, "To read the 
сапу Church fathers is to feel sometimes 
that they had never heard of the 
rene, except as a 


you 


za- 
peg on which to hang 
their own tortured diabolism, and a 
blank scroll upon which to indite their 
furious misogyny.” Havelock Ellis says, 


а 


asceti 


“The those very erratic and 
abnormal examples of the variational 
tendency, have hated woman with a 
hatred so bitter and intense that no 
language could be found strong enough 
10 express their horror. 

An anonymous philosopher of the 
medieval Church wrote, “A Good Wom- 
an is but like one Fle put in a bagge 
amongst 500 Snakes, and i should 
have the luck to grope out that one Ele 
from all the Snakes, yet he hath at best 
but а wet Ele by the Тайе" 
christianity’s fierce hostility to ses 
produced а repressive society in which 
perversion and sado-masochism soon be- 
came prevalent and it erupted finally 
the witch trials of the Inquisition, with 
the persecution, torture and death of 
millions throughout almost all Europe- 

Modern Roman Catholicism can hard- 
ly be held accountable for the sins of 
the medieval Church, but much of the 
antisexuality conceived out of the iira- 
tional obsession with sex that marked 
the Middle Ages persists in the Church 
doctrine of today. 

The Catholic Church remains more 
adamant in its opposition to sex outside 
of marriage than either the Jews or most 
Protestant denominations, Catholic dog 
ma still proclaims that the sole purpose 
of sex is procreation and so forbids all 
mechanical means of birth control, 
though the recent introduction of "the 
pill" (discovered by а Roman Catholic) 
and the pressures of population explo- 
sion in many underdeveloped countries 
of the world are producing a re-eval 
tion of this doctrine. 
tholicism still considers civil mar- 
e invalid for Catholics and opposes 
all divorce. It also forbids abortion — 
even therapeutic abortion, condoned by 
Jews and Protestunts. 
over sex hı 
atholics into active partic 
in censorship groups and their concern 
over birth control has sometimes pro- 
duced an antagonism to public sex edu- 
cation. It is understandable, therefor 
why the Catholic religion is still viewed, 
by some, as basically antisexual. 


s led 


There is a more liberal element 
within modern Catholicism, howev 
Dr. John Rock, a devout and highly 


respected Catholic scientist, is one of the 
jor researchers in the field of oral 
contraception and in his bold book. The 
Time Has Come, he forthrightly faces 
ihe linked problems of. overpopulation 
and birth control: he also expresses the 
opinion that no state government has 
the right or competence to legislate on 


the religious aspects of the problem 
(this comment from the Boston scientist 
refers especially to the archaic laws of 


both Massachusetts and Connecticut, 
which prohibit doctors from giving out 
any information on birth control to 
their patients, even when it is requested) 


and states his conviction that all govern- 


mental restrictions on birth control, 
writen and unwritten, should be 
removed. 


In this same area, it is worth noting 
that whereas our previous President, a 
Protestant, refused to approve a policy 
whereby the U, S. would give out birth 
control information to m 
with the problen rpopulation, re- 
marking, " gine anything 
more emph: 
a proper political or governme - 
ity or function or responsibility.” Presi- 
dent Kennedy. a Catholic, fully endorsed 
such assistance and permitted his repre- 
sentative at a UN debate on the subject 
to say, “So lon we are concerned with 
the quality of life, we have no choice 
but to be concerned with the quantity 
of life." 

The more liberal element in current 
Catholic thought is evident in this state- 
ment from The Church and Sex by R 
"Frevett, published in 1960 as Volume 
103 of The Twentieth Century Encyclo- 
pedia of Catholicism, with the official 
nihil obstat and imprimatur: "We have 
king wish that the 
laws of the Church might be modified. 
22. Surely there is room for more toler 
nce toward those struggling with a very 
powerful instinct that is apparently al- 
Ways warring against principles - . , 

“Why is our sex Ше bedeviled with 
problems? Are those problems senuine 
or the result of taboos? . . . If we can 
find positive and practical answers to 
ihese questions. we may hope also to 
discover something very different. from. 
the negation and prudery, the obscur- 
antism and intolerance which many sin- 
cerely believe — and. we Catholics must 


sullering 


an occasional si 


take our share for this sorr ot 
fairs — make up the Church's teaching 


On sex," 
PROTESTANT MORALITY 


It might be assumed that the Protes- 
tant Reformation would have produced 
а more natural, posi less restrictive 
attitude toward sex. Just the opposite 
occurred. 

The Roman Church had started to be- 
come more libe titude on sex 
h the Ren: and this sexual 
permissiveness was one of the things 
that Protestant leaders like Calvin and 
Luther opposed. Calvin, especially, 
preached a doctrine that rejected. not 
y sex, but all pleasure. 

Calvinist Puritanism became popular 
in England and, Jater, America. The 
Puritans perpetuated the witch hunts 
of the Inquisition which, as we recorded 
in the August issue, were predominantly 
sexual in origin. The intcrinvolvci 
of church and state was extended rather 
than diminished and the Puritans ас 
tually gained control of the English Par 
liament in the 17th Century, overthrew 


Lin its 


ssance 


ent 


Next time you get 


a haircut 


ask your barber for 


a fip. 


You can be sure your dandruff is a: 
barber as it is to your friends. The difference is that 
your barber will tell you how to get rid of it. 

Just ask. 

He'll tip you off to a dandruff treatment called 
Hask. Because he knows Hask works. 

He may not tell you how it works, or why. He's 


s obvious to your 


anmi 


a barber, not a chemist. But he has seen Hask work 
on dozens, maybe hundreds, of his customers so 
he knows 

Which is one reason why Hosk is unconditionolly 
guaranteed. Мо ifs, ands or buts about it. 

So next time, just for a change, you take a tip 
from your barber. Hask Hair and Scalp Conditioner. 


PLAYBOY 


the monarchy (executing Charles 1 in a 
manner that would have made the most 
rbarian proud), and ruled the 
[ period, until 
strong opposition to their oppressive 
laws forced them from power. 

ish Puritans attempted to 
mmorality" impossible by impos- 
the harshest of penalties. For adul- 
1 for incest (the latter being 
ns between any 
couple prohibited from marriage because 
ol their relatedness) the punishment was 
death. Because the Puritan rule was not 
а popular one, juries most often refused 
to convict, but in Puritan, Rake and 
Squire, J. Lane reports that a man of 89 
was executed for adultery in 1653 (which, 
s we observed in September, ase сог 
sidered, may seem more a compliment 
than an injustice) and another for i 


кту 


defined as sexual rel 


сезі 
h his brother-in-law's daughter) іп 
1656. These penalties were repealed with 
the end of Puritan rule, but as Rue as 
1800, and again in 1856 and 1857, at- 
tempts were made to have Parliament re- 
impose the death penalty for adultery. 
The first courts established by the 
tans in America were clerical rather 
n civil, and some simply introduced 
the Bible as the basis for their law 
The Puritans in America never burned. 
ny witches, but they did hang a few 
nd one was crushed to death. 
Cenunies of religious sex suppression 
have not succeeded in stilling the natural 
g urge d (kind, but the 
have managed to spawn a society in 
which sexual expression is excessively 
burdened with feclings of guilt and 
shame. Antisexualism reached its peak in 
England during the early rc 
Victoria and, in America, ext 
into the 19th Centur 
sexual words and references were de 
lewd from books, including the Bible; 
women wore 1 pounds of excess 
dothing. and 
Cause More excitement than the si 
entire leg docs today 
ever pregnant she was 
sex education for. children 
being delivered by the stork: 
maidenly modesty forbade the discus 
sion of sex, even with one’s own doctor, 
and rather Шап undergo а 
physical exami female ра 
would often point to the ailing part of 
the anatomy on а small doll doctors kept 
in their offices for such occasions: under- 
rments and even male trousers were 
referred (o as “unmentionables"; legs 
were discreetly called “limbs”— on peo- 
ple, the Thanksgiving turke 
on furniture; proper ladies covered the 
of their chairs and couches with 
"s of printed crinoline, for 
modesty's sake; some even took to зер: 
ing the books on their shelves by the 
sex of the author, lest the volumes by 
men and women be permitted i0 rest 


ШЕШ hun 


severa 


lady's ankle was apt to 
ight of 


way 


tion а 


„апа eve: 


дайы one another; the uncommonly 
prudish unmarried woman would not 
undress in а room in which the portrait 
of à man was hung. 

Far from de-emphasizing sex, such 
tions had the opposite effect, and so in- 
stead of remaining aloof from it. this 
period of English and American history 
must be seen as sexually obsessed — as 


e 


nds of sexu: 


тє all per repression 
While Victorian man urged women to 
purity, he distrusted them also. He 


wanted them to be virgins, but suspected 
secretly that they were whores. He was 
therefore compelled to divide the female 
sex into two categories: "good" women 
who had no taste for sex; and "bad" 
women, who had. It is revealingly symp- 
tomatic of the times that W. Acton аз 
sened, as a supposed statement. of. [act 
in a scientific work, The Functions and 
Disorders of the Re-productive Organs, 
thun it was а “vile aspersion” 10 say that 
women were capable of sexual fecli 
In 4 History of Courting, E. S. 
сз, "бехи 


Turner 
с some- 
thing no nice girl would admit to pos 
sessing: her job was to make man 
ashamed of his." 

In The Natural History of Love, Mor- 
ton M. Hunt writes, "The role in which 
Victorian m st woman had its 
inevitable ellect ou man himself. Patr 
archal he might be. stern to his chil- 
dren, frock-coated, mightily bewhiskered. 
nd not to be willed with. but he played 
this part at the expense of his ov 
ual expressiveness and his own peace of 
mind. If he were a libidinous man, he 
was driven to resort secretly to brothels. 
If he were weakly sexed, the emphasis 
on the purity of woman might actually 
unman him, H he were an average man 
with an average drive, he might live his 
entire life galled by the necd for self. 
denial and selbxestraint.” 

Such 


l instincts bec 


n had c 


sex- 


s the мш of w 
heritage is made. 

It is difficult to stue a contempor 
Protestant view of sex, because the very 
nature of l'rotestantism, with its many 
denominations, makes for 
Protestant attitudes thus range 
the conservative to the most liberal. 
The Puritan influence upon Protes- 

i l upon the entire fabric of 


ich our sexual 


many view- 


i society, is still pronounced. 
But there is also a new awakening 10 
the sexual nature and needs of ma 
within Protestantism, and some Protes- 
tants are quite outspoken on the subject. 

In an article titled 4 Wih Century 
Philosophy of Joseph Fletcher, 
teacher of social ethics at the Episcopal 
Theological School in Cambridge, 
Massachusetts, states, “The Christian 
churches must shoulder much of the 
blame for the confusion, ignorance and 
unhealthy guilt associations which sur- 
ound sex in Western culture. .. The 
Christian church from its earliest, primi- 


Sex, 


ginnings has been swayed by many 

ical people, both Catholic and 
Protestant, who have treated sex 
i Чу evil.” 

In The Bible and the World of Dy. 
Kinsey, William Gral 
the Williams College Dep: 
igion, put it even more strongly: 
ı be no quarrel with the secul 
t this point. It is right and the church 
has been wrong. Sex is matural and 
good. . , . It is attitudes which are good 
nd evil, never things. . 2. Those who 
take the Bible seriously must stop apol- 
ogi 


ing for sex . 


22 they must begin with 
ud, grant- 


concession to the secu 
ag that sex is natural. 
n its efforts to. prevent irresponsi- 
ble procreation, Western civilization has 
used the device of what Freud called the 
walls of loathing, guilt 
the whole this method of social control 
has worked reasonably well, but a price 
has been paid for its success — the price 
оГ sexual perversion, which is the prod 
uct of fear and anxiety. . . The method 
of moralism has been weighed in the bal- 
ance and found wanting, partly because 
it moves in the wrong direction and partly 
be 1 has based its case on fear 

In. Religion and. Sex: A Changing 
Clinch View, David Boroff wrote in a 
1961 issue of Coronel, "Much of Protes- 
sm no longer wishes to be id 
fied with repression and. Puritanism, “In 


d shame. On 


asc 


fact; says Professor Roger Shinn, of 
New Yorks Union Theological Sem- 
inary, ‘repression is a Christian heresy.” 


22. D this country, Puritan has 
been hostile 10 the expression of sex 
feeling. But in recent years, Protesta 


theologians have reexamined these co 


TS 


a distortion of Christ doer 
thinkers have been intlucnced not only 
by recent Biblical scholarship. but also 
by the findings of psychiatry — especially 
the revelation of the psychic damage 
that may he done by sexual repression.” 

As we observed in the July installment 
of The Playboy Philosophy, 
land is also undergoing а Sexual Revo- 
lution. Time reported in its March 22, 
1963 issue: 7... 
concerned. with tli 
some ca 


he British are deeply 
what 
ihe 


reh dor 
lity’ to fit 


I ‘a new 
hushed-up facts. of life. 
morality is now а waste! 


mor 


University, in a recent BBC lecture. 
littered with the debris of broken. con- 
victions. A new concept is emerging, of 
sexual relations as source of pleasure, 
but also as a mutual encountering of 
persona which each explores the 
other t the same time discovers 
new depths in himself or herself. 
(continued on page 188) 


and 


шишин 


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how to talk dirty and influence people 


Here I am in my famous impression 
of a faith healer. Yes, friends, drop 
your bread in the collection box 
or PI throw this right іп your faith. 


part four of an antoblography by lenny bruce 


SEJROBSÍS: Lasi тот. in Part HI of his autobiog- 
raphy, Lenny Bruce continued the story of his post-War 
attempts to support himself and his wife, Honey, while strug- 
gling through the carly stages of his career. His part-time 
stint as a free-lance charity collector in priestly garb having 
ended with Honey's near death in an auto crash, Lenny 
began concentrating exclusively on show business. He told 
how he gradually worked toward his unique style, showing 
how many of his most famous bits sprang directly from his 
collisions with the world's hypociisies, Maturing as a ре 
former, but still obscure, Lenny took Honey to California, 
where he worked on his father’s farm for a [cw months and 
then m.c/d in a burlesque club. It was shorily after this that 
Honey, now recovered, had a chance to go bach to stripping. 
and left for a short engagement which extended into a 
longer and longer one that finally ended in divorce. Lenny 
related how he progressed into gradually better jobs, as a 
solo act in clubs and as а sometime screenwriter for 20th 
Century-Fox. He described his final disillusionment with 
organized religion through his experiences while trying 10 
produce a picture of his own with a religions theme. Finally, 
he recounted his arrival as an established show-business 
figure, with prominent celebrities following his act from 
dub to club, and the trade papers giving him increasingly 
bigger and more enthusiastic notices. Beginning Part IV, 
Lenny has evolved the successful approach many think 
makes him the freshest, most important performer of the 
day —and he is beginning to get into serious trouble with 
the fuzz because of it. 


THE FIRST TIME I got arrested for obscenity was in San Fran- 
cisco. I used a 10-letter word onstage. Just а woi 
“Lenny, T wanna talk to you.” the police officer said. 


“You're under arrest. That word you said — you can't say 
“ 


tin a public place. It's against the law to say it and do it” 
They said it was ovite homosexual practice. Now 
s strange. E don't relate that word io à homosexual 
practice. It relates to any contemporary chick 1 know. оу 
would know. or would love, or would marry. 

"Then we get into the patrol wagon, and another police 
fou know, I got a wile and kid ——" 
that crap," E interrupted. 


ar that crap, that's all. Did your 


wife ever do that to you? 
“No.” 
“Did anyon 
“No. 
“Did von ever say the word 
"No" 
“You never siid the word one timc? Let ye cast the first 
stone, m 
“Never. 
“How long have you been m 
“Eighteen y 
“You ever chippied on your wile? 
“Never.” 
“Never chippied on your wife one time in eighteen years?” 


“Then I love you... bi 


ause you're a spiritual 
ad of husband 1 would like to have been... but if ye 
lying, you'll spend some good time in purgatory . . 
Now we get into court. They swear me 
‘The cop: “Your Honor. he said blah-blah-blal 
“He said blah-blab-blah! Well, 1 got gr 


„ there we go again. 
"Your Honor," the cop says, "I couldnt believe it, ther 
a guy up on the stage in front of women in a mixed audi- 


the camer 
in one of 
my grave 
moments, 1 
cross up a 
friend. 


Another in my series of fa- 
mous impressions. Red But- 
tons? Eddie Cantor? Jonah 
describing the whale? 


“лу 


Here I am in 
my guise as a 
mild-mannered 
charity pro- 
moter, 


1 forget who the other two guys are, 
but that’s not Shirley Temple оп 
your right. For years I dreamed of 
participating in a situation like this, 
but 1 finally had to hire my own 
cop and judge, thus making it a 
setup. P.S. 1 was acquitted. 


PLAYBOY 


70 


ence, saying blah-blah-blah . . . 
The District Attorney: "Look at him, 
he's smug! I'm not surprised he said 


Vlab-blah-blah . - 
"Hell probably say blah-blab-blah 
. he hasn't learned his lesson 


And then T dug somet 
of liked saying blah- 
Even the bailiff: “What'd he say?” 
"He said blab-blah-bla 
‘Shut up. you blih-blah-blah.” 
They were yelling it in the courtroom. 
“Goddamn, it's good to say blab-blah- 
Шаһ!” 


ing: they sort 
blah. 


The actual wial took place in the 
early part of March 1962. The People 
of the State of Calilon - Lenny 
Bruce. The jury consisted of four men 
and eight women. The first witness for 
the prosecution was James Ryan, the 
arresting officer. Deputy District. Attor- 
ney Albert Wollenberg, J 
him. 

6... And on the night of October 
the fourth did you have : 
signment in regard to [the 
shop]? 

a. 1 was told by my immediate su- 
perior, Sergeant Solden, that he had 
received а complaint from the night 
before that the show at this club was of 
a lewd nature, and that someti 
ing the evening 1 was to go in and see 
the show and find out what the com- 
plaint was all about, . . . Just as I en- 
tered the establishment, the defendant 
was coming onto the stage. 

- 1 see. And what did he do wh 
came onto the stage? 

A. Well, he walked on the stage and 
seated himself, 1 believe on a stool, and 
ted his act. 


ne dur- 


n he 


did any talking about 
known as Ann's 440 arise? 

^. Yes. 

о. Prior to the discussion about Ann's 
440 Club, what was the defendant talk- 
ing about 

A. Well, he talked — he talked about 
many things, many different topics. One 
or two that | recall was some discussion 
that he made about toilet bowls. and 
another little talk Í guess you'd call 
it about butterflies. 

Ф. 1 see. And then in refere 
Ann's 440 Club, was this part of the 
conversation about butterflies or toilets? 

A. No. It was later in the show. 

Q E see. And what did he have to say, 
as you recall, about th 

A. Well, he was giving a little sum- 
mary of different experiences he had had 
during his time in show business; this 
particular instance he apparently had 
worked at Ann's 440 Club maybe a few 
years in the past. And during this par- 
ticular episode at the 440 he was talking 
to some other person, who, а asd 
can recall, I think was cithe gent 


or апо 


entertainer, And during this 
conversation . . . one person said, “I 
"work at the 440 because it’s over- 
run with [vernacular for fellators]." 
Now, who was saying this on the 
stage? 

a. The defendant. 

q. Now, after this statement, 
then occurred? 

a. A little later on in the same show 
the defendant was talking about the fact 
that he distrusted ticket takers and the 
person that handled the money, and 
that one of these days а man was going 
to enter the premises and situate him- 
sell where he couldn't be seen by the 
ticket taker, and then he was going to 
expose himsell and on the end of it he 
was going to have a sign hanging that 
read, “WHEN WE REACH 81500 THE GUY IN- 
SIDE THE BOOTH 15 GOING TO KISS rr.” 

6... Now, subsequent to the sta 
ment about hang | on a person 
exposed, wis there any further conver- 
sation by the defendant while giving his 
performance? 

a. Yes. Later in the show he went into 
some kind of chant where he used a 
drum, or а cymbal and a drum, for a 
tempo, and the dialog was supposed to 
be 


what 


Albert 


мк my attorney, 
Bendich): TI object to what the w 
infers the conversation or dialog was 
supposed to import, vour Honor. The 
witness is to testiby merely to what he 
heard. 
HE corgr: Sustained. 

ми. WOLLENBERG: Can you give us 
the exact words or what your recollec- 
tion of those words were? 

a. Yes, During that chant he used the 
words “I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm 
coming, 


BENDICH 


and —— 

o. Did he just do it two or three time 
"Fm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming"? 

A. Well, this one part of the show 
listed a matter of a few minutes. 

Q. And then was anything else 
the defendant? 

A. Then later he said, 
in me. Don't come m 

0. Now, did he do this just one or 
two times? 

A. No. As T stated, th 
matter of a few minutes. 

о. Now, as he was saying th 
using the same voice as he wa 
this ch 
^. Well, thi 


Dont come 


asted for a 


normal tone 
ed, or when 
Don't come in me. Don't come 
in me," he used a little higher-pitched 
voice... 


1 a more 


Mr, Bendich now cross-exa ed. 

o. Officer Ryan, would you describe 
your beat t us. please? 

A. .. It takes in both sides of Broad- 


way from Mason to Battery. 

Q. And in the course of your duties. 
Officer, you have the responsibility and 
obligation to observe the nature of the 
rious clubs in 


shows being put on in v 


this arca? 
А. Yes, sir, 1 do. 
0... Now, Officer, you testified, 1 


believe, on direct examination that you 
had а specific assignment with reference 
to the Lenny Bruce performance at the 
Jazz Workshop, is that correct? 

A. That's correct. 

Q. Tell из. please, if you will, what 
your specific assignment was. 

A. My assignment was to watch 
performance of the show that eve 
Q. What were you looking for? 

a. Any lewd conversation or lewd 
gestures or anything that might consti- 
tute an objectionable show. 

Q. What were your standards for judg: 
ng. Officer, whether a show was ob- 
jectionable or not? 

a. Well, any part of the show that 
would violate any Police or Penal Code 
sections that we have, 

... And how long were you pres- 
се, Officer? 

A. Approximately forty-five minutes 
<- 1 believe that you indicated. 
the first basis of your decision to 
the arrest of Mr. Bruce was your 
overhearing the word, to wit. "[vernacu 
lar for fellator]." is that correct? 

A. That's correct. 

9. Now, Officer, after your entrance 
into the Jazz Workshop at approxini 
ly ten o'clock, what time would you est 
mate it to have been when you heard the 
word "(vernacular for fellator] 

A. Approximately ten minutes, I'd say. 

Q And how long thereafter, Officer, 
was it belore you heard the next term 
to which you took exception or which 
you considered to fall within your con- 
ception of objectionable? 

A. Fd say probably another t 
fifteen minutes. 

9. Now, I take it, of cour 
performance was a continu 
Mr. Bruce w: is 
out this period that you stood there and 
observed the show? 

А. That's correct. 

Q. Yes, Let me continue along u 
line, then, Officer, if you will, and ask. 
you approximately how much timc 
elapsed after the second term to which 
you took exception until you heard the 
next term to which you took exception? 

A. А few minutes 
ог —five minutes, ГА sa 

q. Now, these three occurrences, Offi- 
cer, are the ones on which you based 
your decision to seek the arrest of thi 
defend. is that correct? 

A. That's correct. 

о. You witnessed the performance for 
a forty пше period of time, 
that correct? 


the 
am. 


n or 


that the. 
ng one and 


s perfor 


A Y 
And when you left. the perform- 
icc was still going on. is that correct? 
^. That's right. 


ө. Now, 1 believe that you told Mr 
Wollenberg during your direct 
nation that with respect to the last 


guage to which you took exception, 
. the words or the phrase “I'm 
Coming.” that. particular section of Mr. 
luces show took approximately two 
ates, is that correct 

Well. Га sa 


A 


cs а second 
cular for fella- 
nately th 


o. Y 
to say the word. "[v 
tor]." does it not. or 

A. Approximately. 

о. Aud I should say that it takes ap- 
proximately another second to utter the 
pluase “kiss that correct? Would 
you concur? 


2... [You have previ- 
ously described] the clubs that are situ- 
ated upon the beat that you patrol, and 
among other clubs you listed the Moulin 


Rouge . . . And would you be good 
enough to tell us, Oficer Ryan, what the 
nature of the entertainment material 


presented in the Mou 

a. Primarily 
tainment 

ө Strip shows are put on... ? 

А. That's correct. 

Q. Aud. as a matter. of fact, Officer 
Ruin, there is a housewives’ contest put 
оп at the Moulin Rou 
to superior talent in stripping. is there 
по? 

a. I dont know 
passes housewives: 1 know they ha 
amateur n 


in Rouge is 
burlesque-type enter- 


with respect 


it just encom- 
an 


Officer Ryan, will you tell us 
bit about what occurs during 


луз, I believe. 
Girls that have had little or no expe- 
this type of entertainment aie 
given a chance to try th dat 
о. To try their hand at it, and they 
try their body а little, too, don't the 
ми. WOLLENBERG: Oh, if your Honor 
‚ counsel is argumentative. 
court: Yes. Let us not be face- 
Bendich 
емиси: | am being perfectly 
serious, your Honor. 
rt court: Well, that question 
of being facetious. 
ane nt will withdraw 
nend to be facetious. 
ө. Officer Ryan, will you describe for 
the ladies and gentlemen of the jury. 
И you will, please, what the ladies who 
the competition on ama- 


rd 


тин 
tious. Mr. 


MR. 


macks 


. 1 don't 


cur ni 
мк. меша I your Honor 
please, this levant, 


Tur court: Overruled. 

THE wrrNESSS Well. they come on the 
stage and then to the accompaniment 
of music they do a dance. 

And in the course of 
ag this dance, they take their clothes 
ой, is that convent? 

A. Partially, yes. 


re the amateur com- 
petitors and. performers, is that correct? 
A. That's correct. 
Q. Tell us, please, il you will, what 
the professional. performers do. 
A. Approximately the same th 
with maybe a lile more finesse or à 


little more ability, if there is ability in 
that lir 
@ And you have witnessed these 


shows, is that correct, Officer R. 
A. D have, y 
Q. Aud these 

formed 

ence 


persons of 


is that correct? 

havs true. 

Now. Officer Ryan, in the course 
of your official duties in patrolling your 
heat you have occasion, [ take it, to 
deal with another club, the name of 
which is Fiuocchio's, is that correct? 

A. Thay tue. 

Q. Aud you have had occasion to ob- 
serve the nature of the performances in 
Finocchio's, is that true - . . Would you 
be good 10 de- 
scribe to the ladies and gentlemen of 
the jury what the nature of the enter- 
ment presented 


sexes, 


ra 


A. Well, the entertainers are female 
impersonators. 
о... And can you describe the 


mode of dress, Officer, of the female 
! Finocchio’s? 
Well, they wear different types of 
costumes. Some of them are quite full, 
and others are — 

9. Quite scanty? 

A. Not “quite scanty,” 1 wouldn't say, 
no, but they are more near to what you'd 
call sca 


y. yes. 


lore near to wl 
Well, as a шаш 
isn't it truc. th 


you'd call sem- 
ol fact, Officer, 
tomen appear iw the 
clothes of women, and lets start up —or 
should 1 say, down at the bottom — wear- 
heeled shoes? 

MR. WOLLENKERG: Oh, if your Honor 
please, he's already answered that they're 
wearing the clothes of women. Th 
crs the subject. We're not пуй, 
chio's here tod, 

ми. mesmen: 
ing Finocchio's but w 
Bruce on a charge of obscenity, and we 
have a question ol contemporary commu- 
nity standards that has to De established, 
d 1 am attempting Olliccr 
Ryan indicate what the nature of the 
community standards on his beat are. 

ine cover: . .. Well, ask him to be 


have 


4 to 


specific. 
ма. 


mENDICH: Very well Will you 
* be more specific. Officer R van: 

A. In what regard? I have testified —— 

Q. With regard to describing the n: 
ture of the scantily dressed female 
personators in terms of their attire 

A. They have all different kinds of cos- 
tumes, Now, which particular onc— 1 
never paid that much attention to it 
really. 

Q. Well, they appe 
stockings, do they not? 

A. | imagine they do at time: 

Q. And they appear in 

А. On occasion, yes. 

@ And they appe 
do they nat? 

A. That's correct. 

Q. I think that's spe 
Officer Ryan, in the course ol y 
ions of the strip shows in the Mou- 
lin Rouge, have you ev 
to become sexually stimu 

А. No, sii 

MR. WOLLENBERG: I'm going to object 
to this and move to strike the answer as 
ompetent, t and immater 
if your Honor please 

лик court: The answer is in: it may 
remain. 

мк. BENDICH: Were you sexually stimu- 
lated when you witnessed Lenny Bruce's 
performance? 

ми. WOLLENBERG! 


pl 


black 


net 


cific епо 


r had occasio: 


rele 


nt and im. 
1. especially as to this ollicer, your 


Irrele 


mate! 
Honor 
Tus 
Tu 
ми. BENDICH 


Overruled. 
No. 
Did you have any con 
versation with anyone in the Jazz Work 
shop on the night that you arrested 
My. Lenny Bruce 


COUR’ 
WITNESS: 


cr Ry 
with the term ^ 
are you not? 

A. I have heard it used, yes. 

ө. As a matter of fact, Officer Ryan, it 
used in the police station on the 
ght that Lenny Bruce w: 
there, was it not? 

А. No. not to my knowledge. 

Ф Well, as a matter of fact. it is fre 
Uy used in Ше police station, is it 


w 


booked 


wortesnrne: That's irrelevant 
terial, if your Honor please 
Us uscd in a police station or in 
ate conversation between two people 
pletely different from what's used 
in the theater. 

тик court W pol 
course. is a public place 

MR. WOLLENBERG: T 
Honor. 

anr 


ми. 


AU's correct, your 


court: As to the police station 
the objection is overruled. 
MR. BENDICIE: You may answer. 


a. Yes. 1 have heard it used. 


Ollicer. 


71 


PLAYBOY 


о. Yes, you have heard the term used 
in а public place known as the police 
station. Now, Officer Ryan. d 
ing obscene self about the 
word “cock.” is there? 

мк. WOLLENBERG: I'm going to object 
to this as being irrelevant and immate- 
rial, what this m. 


THE COURT: Sustai 
ми. weNpicH: Just two last questions, 
Officer Ryan. You laughed at Lenny 


Bruce’s performance the 

watched, did you по? 

- No. 1 didn't. 

ө. You didn't | 

a. No. I didn't. 

о. Did you observe whether the audi- 
as 

^. Yes, 1 did. 

о. And they were 1 


ight that you 


ave ос 


sion to laugh? 


At times, yes. 
And no one in the audience 
iny complaint to you, though you were 


in uniform standing in the dul 
^. No one, no. 
ми. вемиси: No further questions. 


ter, Mr, Wollenberg examined the 
police ollicer. Serge 

And 
while in that area [the 
to see the defendant Bruc 
have a conversation. with him 

a. The conversation was, 1 spoke to 
Mr. Bruce aud said, “Why do you [eel 
that you have to use the word ‘[vernacu 
lar for fellator] to entertain people in а 
public night spo” And Mr. Bruce's re- 
ply to me, was. “Well. there are a lot of 
r lor fellators] around. 
What's wrong 


did you 8 


z Workshop] 
. Did you 


there: 
them 


Mr. Bendich opening state- 
ment to the jury, “to tell you what it 
is that I am going to attempt to prove 
to you in the course of the present 
of the defense case. .. . T 
prove through the testimor sever- 
al witnesses who will take the stand be- 
fore you, ladies and gentlemen of the 
jury. that Mr. Bruce gave a performance 
in the Jazz Workshop on the night of 
October fourth last year which was a 


show based on the themes of social cri 
ticism, based upon an analysis of variou 
forms of conventional hypocrisy. based 


upon the technique of satire which 
common in the herita 
ters and, as а “ 
һег ol ld lites 
ш 10 prove, ladies and gentlemen of 
е jury, that the nature of My. Bruce's 
performance on the night of. October 
the fourth was in the great tradition of 
social satire, related ately to the 
«d of social re to be found in the 
works of such great authors as А 
. Jonathan. Swift — 

LENUERG: Im going to object. 


ature, We 


ai 


11 


Aristophanes is not testifying here, your 


Honor. or any other authors. and Um 
going to object to th this time as 
improper argument. 

MR. BENDICH: Your Honor, I didi 


1 would call Mr. Aristoph: 
Tur. court: 1 dont th 
very well... 
And so the trial began. 


wy that the 


ik you could, 


It seems fitt 


for the defense was Ralph J. Gl 
brilliant jazz critic. and columnist. for 
the San Francisco. Chronicle. 


was my first real supporter, the first one 
who really went out on а limb for me, 
to help my career. 


My. Bendich examined him. 

9... Mr. Gleason, will you describe 
for if you will, please, what the 
themes of Mr. Bruce's work were during 


the appearance in the Workshop for 
which he was arrested? 


ми. WOLLENBERG: [ will object to just 
the themes, your Honor. He can give 
e or recite what was said, 


mes" is aml 
Overruled. 

Tür wires: The theme of the per- 
for the n question was 
а soci ism of stercotypes and. of 


guous. 


udience a proposition that’s 
students of semantics, which is that 
words have been given in our society 
Imos а magic meaning that has no 
elation to the facts, and Í think that he 
tried in the course of this show that cve- 
ing to demonstrate that there is no 
harm inherent in words thems 

- How important. if at all. was the 
ne of semantics with reference to Ше 
show given on the evening in 


nance, i did the theme of semantics 
occupy wi 
entire show on the ni 

. Well. it occupied an important part 

RE performance, not only in 
the individual routines, but in the totality 
of the program. 

q. Yes. Now, with respect to the rest of 
the program, Mr. Gleason, would you tell 
us about some of the other themes, and 
perhaps illustrate something about them 
if you «dition 10 the theme of 
semantics which Mr, Bruce worked with? 

А. Well. to the best of my recollection 
there was a portion of the show in which 
he attempted to show  satirically the 


h respect 10 the content of the 


ıt in questio 


hypocrisy inherent in the licensing of a 


ticket taker who had a criminal record 
for particularly abhorrent criminal acts 


and demanding a bond for him. . .. 


asked to read to the 
article in Com- 


Исаѕоп wa 
1 excerpt from а 


топача!, tholic magazine. The 
әмісе was by Nat Немой, who's 
Jewish, so it doesnt really count. 


Gleason read: 


“Te is i 
in him — that there has emerged 
cohesively ‘new’ comedy of nakedly 
honest moral rage at the deceptions 
all down the line in our society. 
Bruce thinks of himself as an ct 
relativist and shares Pirande 
occupation with the clusive 
any absolute, including absolute 
truth, 

“His comedy r through те 
gion-in practice (What would hap 
pen if Christ and Moses appeare 
one Sunday at Saint Patrick's”); the 
ultimate limitations of the white 
liberal: the night life of the hooker 
and her view of the day 


Lenny Bruce — and only 


id his own 
ke 


quicksand mav lie just underneath 
the sign that says: ТАКЕ SHELTER 
WHEN THE CIVILIAN DEFENSE ALARM 


does not turn a 


night club into Savonzrola’s church. 
More than any others of the ‘new 
wave. Bruce is i 


er 
challenges to 
himself are i 
sive 


neriwined with explo- 
nomime, hi 


ism: 
and his own operational semantics- 
Coursing everything he 
does, however, is a serious search for 
values that are more than security 
blankets. In discussing the film The 
Story of Esther Costello, Wruce tells 
of the climactic rape scene: 7105 ob- 
vious the s been violated. 

She's been deaf and dumb through- 
out the whole picture... . All of a 
sudden she can B 


ag: ud 


к E^ what's the 


Later—after the judge had pointed 


ething өш to the Deputy District 
Auorney (Mr. Wollenberg,” he said. 

.o. your shintail is out")— Mr. 
Gleason was asked to read to the jury 


a portion of an article by Arthur Gelb in 


The New Yorh Times. 
“The controversial Mr. Bruce, 
whose third visit to Manh; a this 


is. is the prize exhibit of the mena 
d his act is billed Tor adults 


the management 

I the dubious in- 

nocence of u e New Yorkers 

winst Mr. Bruces vocabulary. 

ich runs to fourleuer words. of 

which the most printable is Ү.М.С.А. 
(continued on page 52) 


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DIFFERENT 
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Я uw и 
HISTORY ОҒ 
PLAYBOY 


humor By SHEL SILVERSTEIN part one of owr bearded bard's 
personal chronicle of the first ten years in the life of this publication 


THE EARLY YEARS in 1953 à fellow named Hugh Hefner — young, ambiti 
dedicated to the enlightenment of Western Man — resolved to start his own m 
irst considered the creation of a ma bout Chicago, but alter listening to 

jews of y Chicagoans, he gave up tha in favor of a publication that more 
accurately reflected the interests of the contemporary American male. 


"Believe me, kid, I been 
selling magazines in this town 
for thirty-five years and 
the public don't want another 
magazine. If they want news, 
they got Time and Newsweek... 
they want stories, they 
got The Saturday Evening Post 
and Collier's...they want 
pictures, they got Look and Life... 
they want sensation and exposé, 
they got Confidential... 


Мы 


they want sophistication, 
there's The New Yorker... 
they want adventure, 
there's True and Argosy... 
they want geography, 
there's the National Сео- 
Hey! Look at the knockers 
on that big blonde 
crossing the street!!!" 


they want love, there's True Romance... 


Realizing that he would need expert assist 
project, Helner hand picked the cream ot 
and after much contemplation and serious cons 
he assigned them to the duties they were later to perform 
with such distinction on the great new publication. 


"OK, then — I'm the 
editor and publisher, 
and uh...Art, 
you'll handle the 
business end..." 

"Gee, I don't know 
anything about business..." 4 
"OK, then you're the 

art director. 

Ray will do the 
photography and..." 
"But I don't have 

no camera!" 
"OK then, Ray, 

you're the 
fiction editor... 
and, Eldon..." 


Um. 


"I'm afraid it won't work. 
the legs are bony...the face 
the body. Anyway, they'd be sure 
We're just going to have to go out 
and hire a model... 
but nice try, Fred!" 


The pose is too awkward... 
is fair, but I don't dig 
to spot the wig. 


There were, of course, en endless number of 
details to be worked out, a format to be con 
ceived, and an editorial policy to be deter- 
mined. Ir was obvious from the first that 
Heiner had his finger on the pulse of the 
American male. 


ng a natural 
Hefner opted the 
pipe that was to become 
his trademark. 


"I don't think you've 
quite got the idea..." 


With an initial bank roll of 
less than 58000 and the 
mour osts of staff, office, 
printing, paper and distribu- 
tion, it took tremendous in- 
genuity and corner cutting to 
keep the frst issues of the 
magazine out of the red. 


"Now for the middle of the magazine, I'd like to have 
a special fold-out feature...a full-color photograph of...of...a саг! No, that's 
no good. Maybe...maybe a sports event! No...maybe a gun...ro..." 


Yt has been well publicized that the first issues of 
PLAYBOY were put together in Hefner's kitchen. The 

ications of this production, how- 
ever, are relatively unknown. 


"I talked to the printer 
this afternoon. He says he 
can get the catchup stain off N 
Janet Pilgrim's shoulder, but the \ 
stuff on Jayne Mansfield's leg 
is butter and it won't come out. 
Of course, we could 
use the same process 
we used to get that 
coffee stain off 
Marilyn Monroe's thigh, 
but that will cost us 
another seventy-four 
dollars...! I think we'd 
save a lot of money 
by renting an office!" 


Circulation. climbed steadily during the first 
Soon hundreds of thousands of modern u 
young men were looking lorward to cach new issue, 
with its fine fiction, thought-provoking articles and 
sophisticated humor. 


Above, left; The summer of 1953 finds Hugh Hefner hard o! work in the living room of his Chicago apartment, banging out the copy for the 
first issue of mavsov. Center. Eorly stoffers Art Paul, Joe Poczek, Hef, Ray Russell ond Jack Kessie hold conference on the floor. rAv&oY 
could not yet afford the luxury of а table. Right: By the second year, Art Director Art Paul not only had a table but cn office of his own to 
put it in. Here he discusses o pressing design problem with Publisher Hefner—should the June Playmate fold out to the right or left? 


PLAYBOY's small staff soon found itself responsible 
for editing articles and stories on a wide variety of sub- 
jects. Fortunately, it was equal to the challenge. 


"...And I say it's crazy to do an article 
on the Ivy League three-button suit, 
when it's the Continental double-breasted 
that's really the coming thing..." 

"The Continental? Are you kidding?! 
is really well dressed would be caught 
dead in a Continental cut!...And what about 
the champagne article...?" "I say we 
feature only the finest French imports... 

forget the domestic wines...and stick 
with the really vintage years...0h, you 
want another beer, Jack?" "No, thanks. 
But I'll go along with you on the champagne 
piece if you'll agree to use the 
Ferrari article in place of the feature 
on the Jag. You really can't compare the two 
cars, Ray. The Ferrari Berlinetta 
accelerates from zero to sixty in five- 
and-a-half seconds, with a top speed of a 
hundred-and-seventy-five miles per 
hour, and..." "Well...let's talk about it 
on the subway going home." 


No one who 


The са 
artistic lumin; 
Cole and myself. We тес 
man who understood a 
the artist and his needs. 


racted such 
тап, Jack 
nized in Helner a 
yvmpathized with 


"Of course, as soon as we get 
established we'll start 
paying regular rates, but until 
then here's the deal... 
for a line drawing, a date with 
our receptionist...for a 
story illustration, my secretary 
for the afternoon...for a 
full-color page, the Playmate of 
the Month...for a special 
ten-page feature in color, the 
Playmate for a month..." 


Above, left: At our Second Anniversary office party, Editors Jack Kessie (ihe tall one) and Ray Russell (the short one) whoop it up with o bottle 
апа o female staffer. Center: Hof solves important problem with Subscription Menager Janet Pilgiim—should she continue Io hond-oddress 
mogazine envelopes each month now that subscriptions have passed the 100,000 mark? Right: In bedroom behind Не office, Hef—attired in P.J.s, 
а customary sight around the casual ПАРОТ offices— considers manuscripts fram budding Hemingways while clutching ever-present bottle of Pepsi 


With the stall still small. 
in morc tl 


many of us were required to function 
ч . lor exampl 
er, and one of the е; 


Hefner recognized the 


proper advertising im 
publication and 


finest accounts. 


PLAVnoy’s first subscription m 
Playmates. 


portance of a 
for his new 
the 


insisted on only 


"...A full-page ad will 
triple your business 
overnight and we'll accept 
your first payment in 
hot dogs and, if you include 
enough soda pop, we can 
probably give you full color..." 


stall. And Helner was now att 
talent by offering appropriate sal. 


eting top 


"Good morning, Playboy Magazine...Subscription 
department? This is the subscription 


department, sir...Just one minute, please... 
Switchboard...Yes, Mr. Hefner. 


Your eggs will 
be ready in about five minutes...Yes, 


sunny side up. Yes, sir, with toast and a Pepsi... 
Excuse me for keeping you waiting. sir... 
now what was that about your subscription. 
Yes?...Just one minute, please... 
Good morning, Playboy Magazine... 
Look, buster, if you don't stop calling me 
and talking like that, I'm going 


ШЕ Good morning, 
Playboy Magazine...This is the accounting 


department. Yes, 


"OK, here's how it will be... 
Sir...Excuse me one Spec is the associate publisher 
moment, please...Switchboard...Scrambled instead so he gets seven hundred a week... 
of fried? K...Good morning, Playboy Vic is promotion director, so 
Magazine...No, madam, just send us a photograph... he gets five hundred a week... 
Switchboard...OK, Art, have him set up the 


John is production manager, 
camera and I'll be right in...Good morning, so he gets four hundred 
Playboy Magazine...Yes, sir. This is the a week...and, Tajiri 
sales department...very funny...Switchboard... you'll be photographing 
Forget the eggs? Just toast and Pepsi? the girls, so you 
Yes. sir...Good morning, Playboy Magazine..." 


pay us a hundred a week!" 


в0 


Whereas it was once unthinkable for “nice girls" to pose in the nude, the girl-next-door quality 
of the Playmates brought applications and photographs from thousands of nice girls begging for 
a chance to become а Playmate of the Month. 


"Y'know, this is the first time I've ever had my picture taken without my 
clothes on and I should be nervous, but you're the one who's shaking...and this is 
costing you fifty dollars per hour overtime, but you're the one who's smiling... 
and I'm under all these hot lights, but you're the one who's sweating. 

I guess I'll never understand photography!" 


Life, however, was not all а bed of roses. The With an ever-increasing number of readers turning to 
publication was to have its share of legal PLAYBOY for the latest inlormation on wearing app: vod 


problems, some of which were to lead to great and drink, hi-fi, travel and sports cars, Helner introduced 
disappointment. The Playboy Advisor to answer the questions that the young, 


in men of America wanted to know. He was a fanatic in 


his insistence on exact 


rane 


"OK, Chief, here's the report...You can do it 
in a Porsche, but you can't do it ina 


"But we can't find a legal loophole! Maserati or a 300SL...You can't even try to do 
The girls can come here... it in an Isetta...You can do it in the new MG, 
you can pose them...you can photograph if you take out one of the seats... 


them...but you can't keep them!" Now in the American cars..." 


PLAYBOY was now paying top money for While the magazine itsel[ was somewhat revo- 
its Playmate. photographs, and members. of at PLAYBOY was pretty much the 
the staff found themselves continually badg- ny other office. 

ered by hopeful models. 


"For the last time, Aunt Edna, > ы 
you can't be a Playmate!" " Well, if you ask ne, 
EL it's got too much vermouth...!" 


PLAYBOY's circulation was now up to 750,000 
tion had become a national inst 
organizations, growth and prospe: 
terized the carly days of the m 


g to come in . .. the publica- 
шоп, like mom, apple pie 3. But as with all successful 
ту brought a lessening of the personal relationships that had charac- 


"Used to be around here, 

when a guy wanted 

a girl and a bottle, 

he just yelled down the hall, 
'How about a girl and a bottle!" 
Now you have to 

fill out a goddamn 
requisition slip...!" 


Whe tl qas have 


Yaa as 


Above, left: Here 1 am at the плувот office—handsome, debonair and lighthearted—amused, no doubt, by one of ту many whimsical inspira- 
tions. Center: Subscription Monager—Playmate Janet Pilgrim joins stoffers in PLAYBOY bowling league; woman in the bockground is her mother who, 
through тАҮВОҮ nepotism, found her way into Janet's department. Right: New staffer, Associate Publisher A. C. Spectorsky, discusses plans for 


future with Publisher Hefner; Spec's first suggestion: change the nome of the magazine. NEXT MONTH: “THE MIDDLE YEARS” gı 


PLAYBOY 


82 


how to talk dirty 


But there are probably а good m: 
dults who will find him offensive, 
lcs perhaps for his Anglo-Saxon 
phrases than for his vitriolic attacks 
on such subjects as facile religion, 
the medical profession, the law. 
pseudoliberalism and Jack P: 
a God complex. He thi 
formers in s 
Mr. Bruce is apt to confide.) 
Although he seems at times to be 
doing his utmost to antagonize his 
audience, Mr. Bruce displays such 
patent air of morality beneath the 
brashness that his lapses in taste are 
often forgivable. 
he question, though, is whether 
the kind of derisive shock therapy he 
adminisers and the introspective 
h in which he in- 


patu 


dulyes are legitimate nightclub fare, 
as far as the typical customer is 
concerned, 


“It is necessa 
Mr. Bruce tor h 
the sensitive and the easily shocked 
that по holds are barred at Basin 
Street East. Mr. Bruce regards the 
nightclub stage as the “Lust frontier” 
ol uninhibited entertainment. He 
alten cmn ә their 
naked and personal cor 1 
has earned for his pains the sobri- 
quet ‘sick’ He is a ferocious man 
who does not believe in the sauctity 
American 
He even has an 


y. before lauding 
virtues, to warn 


s his theo 


ions 


of motherhood or the 
Medics 
unkind word to say for Smokey the 
Kear. True, Smokey doesn't set for 
cst fires, Mr. Bruce concedes. But he 
cats Boy Scouts for hats. 
“Mr, Bruce expresses relief at 
t he sees as a trend of ‘people 
leaving the church and going | 
God, and he has поши 
sucess for what he 
timonious liberal who preaches 
but cannot practice genuine integra- 
tion 
Being on cozy terms with history 
«d psyche 


Association. 


their 


wh 


considers the 


she can illustrate his 
point with the example of the carly 
Romans. who thought there was 
"something dirty’ about Christians. 
Would you want your sister to 
marry onc? — he has опе Roman ask 
another —and so on, down 10 the 
logical conclusion in present-day 
prejudice. 

"At times Mr. Bruce's а 
of the running series 
jokes that are traditional to the 
nightclub comic, seems 
` it is bi 
donic, stimulating 


t, devoid 
staccato 


certainly 
quite often funny — but neve 


jovial way. His mocking di 
rarely elicits a comfortable belly 
laugh. B requires concentration. But 


(continued. from page 


there is much in it to wring a rueful 
smile and appreciative chuckle. 
There is even more to evoke a 
g glam in the eye 
also spells of tot: 

“since Mr. Bruce ope 


likely to Vil уба «haria шалына 
ibout telling you before he gets 
around to telling you anything at 
all. 


Mr. Bendich 
tioning. 

o. Mr. Gleason. would. you tell us, 
please, what in your judgment was the 
predominant theme of ihe evening's 
perlormance for which Mr. Bruce was 
arrested? 

x Well. | sense it's sem 
tics the search for the ultimate truth 
that lies beneath the social hypocrisy іп 
which we live. АП his performances re- 
late 00 thi 

à. Mr. Gleason, as an expert in this 
field, would you characterize the per- 
formance iu question as serious in intent 
and socially significant: 

MR. WOLLENSERG: [will object to this 
as being irrelevant and 

vne cover: Overruled. 

rie wresess: Yes, | would characterize 
it as serious, 

ми. BENDICH: 
characterize: the 
any. of that perlorn 

A. Well, 1 would characterize this per- 
formance as being of high social signifi- 
cance, in line with the rest ol his 
perfor 
Mr. Gleason, what in your opinion, 
based upon your professional activity and 
experience in the field of popular. cul- 
ture, and particularly with reference 10 
humor, what in your opinion is the 
ation. between the humor of Lenny 
Bruce and that of other contemporary 
humorists. such as Mort Sahl, Shelley 
Berman, Mike and Elaine 

uk, woreĘxsere: That's immaterial, 
your Honor. what the comparison is be 
twee 

ti: count 


his line of qucs- 


inay 


And 
social 


how would you 
significance, il 
асе? 


ances 


rel 


him and sory other comedian. 


Objection overruled. 

тик wr Mr. Bruce attacks the 
fundamental structure of society and 
these other comedians deal with it super- 


e: 


y 3 


мк. вемиси: Mr. 
already testified i 
у t many 14 
performances, and you 
mately familiar with his rece 
ad other comic productio 
ent interest ever bee 
Bruce's work? 
A. Not in the slightest. 
ми. WOLLENBERG! | will object to that 


Gleason, you have 
at you have se 


per- 


пу Bruce 
ako inti 
ded. works 
Has your 
stimulated by 


as calling for the ultimate issue be 
this ішу. 
тие cover: The objection will be over 
led... . You may answer the question 
THE WITNESS: I have not been excited. 
my prurient or sexual interest 1 
been by any of Mr. 
perform 


as not 
roused 
ипсез. 


Bruce's 


The transcript of my Francisco 
trial runs 330 pages. The witness 
one of whose sexual interest had ever 
been aroused by any of my nightclub 
performances — described. one after an- 
other, what they remembered of my per 
formance on the night im question at 
the Jaze Workshop, and cadi inter 
preted its social significance: accordit 
to his or her own subjectivity. 

For example, during the cross-examine 
tion, the following dialog ensued be- 
tween Mr, Wollenberg and Lou Gottlieb. 
a Ph.D. who's with the E 

q. ... Now, Doctor, you say the main 
theme of Mr. Bruce is to get laughter? 

x. Thats the professional. comedi: 
duis 

Q. I see. And do you see anything fun 
ny in the word 7[vernacular for fellate 

A. Mr. Bruce — to answer that question 
h "Yes" or "No" is impossible, your 
Honor. 

MR. wOLLENBERG: I asked you if vou 
saw anything Tunny in that word. 

тне COURT: You may answer it “Yes” 
vo" and then expla nswe 
1 found it extremely un 
funny as presented by Mr. Wollenberg, 1 
must say, but I can also —— 

THE соскт: All right, wait a minute, 
minute. I have tolerated a certain 
ıt of activity from the audience bc 
se 1 knew that it is difficult not to 
react at times, but this is not a show, you 
are not here to be entertained. Now, if 
Mieres any more of this sustained levity. 
the courtroom will be cleared. And the 
witness is instructed not to argue with 
the questions. 

тик WITNESS: 1 do not [see апу 
funny in that word]. but as Mr 
presents his performances he creates a 
world in which normal dimensions, 1 
mei = how shall 1 say? Weil. 
insmuted a grotesque 
panorama of contemporary society, into 
which he places slices of life, phono- 
graphically accurate statements that come 
ош of the show-business world .. . and 
sometimes the juxtaposition of the gen 
erally Fantastic frame of reference that he 
s able to create and the startling intru 
sion of slices of life in terms of 
that is used in these kinds of ar 
extremely comic effect. 


5s — NOL 


w 


or 


тик WITNESS: 


counsel but 1 


пеге 


Bruce 


а. becom 


they are t into 


9... Doctor, because an agent uses 
that emi when he talks to his 


lent, you 
find nothing wrong with using it in a 
(continued on page 179) 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


A young man whose discerning taste puts him on easy terms with elegance, the PLAYBOY reader just 
naturally celebrates in the style to which he's accustomed. And his continuing loyalty to PLAYBOY, the 
magazine that advises him on matters male, is widely known. No other magazine speaks with such author- 
ity to and for today's young men—from college room to conference room. And with this 10th Anniversary 
Issue, PLAYBOY is proud to celebrate a decade of providing the best in entertainment for the sort of man 
who insists the best things in life aren't free, but very much worth working for. A toast to you, our reader. 


Advertising Offices: New York * Chicago * Detroit + Los Angeles • San Francisco + Atlanta 


INSTANTLY, WALTER APPEL knew what the 
man across the up to. Walter 
had left his study and come into the liv- 
ing room out of pique with himself, reall 
He could not keep his mind off Tarsila 
Brown; he was supposed to be sitting 
there paying the bills, and all he could 
think about was whether he would call 
her. And whether he would did not seem 
to depend on whether he should. For he 
knew that he shouldn't. Only a fool had 
to learn the same lesson twice in six 
months, a fool or a child, and he made it 
a point in life to try not to act like either. 
Tarsila had arrived in New York from 
London; he had read the news in a gossip 
column. Would he call her? What good 
could possibly come of it? 

He left his checkbook and came into 
the living room. Looking for nothing, ex- 
cept perhaps release from the unfami 
discomfort of irresolution, Walter peered 
between the curtains. In the window fac- 

ng onto the rear of the Appel apartment, 
he saw the naked man strolling back and 
forth. 

His first impulse —he had none. He 
did not throw open his own window and 

all, “Hey you — will you please pull your 
shades!” He did not rush to telephone 
the police, or Bellevue. He did not go 
immediately around to Julict's study to 

if the curtains were drawn. Walter 

no sharp impulse to act. The apart- 
ment across the courtyard had been emp 
for several weeks; the man must have r 
cently moved іп —and without a doubt, 
he was trying to expose himself to Juliet. 
All Walter did, knowing this, was to drop 
the edge of the curtain and return to his 
desk where he tried once again to pay the 
previous month's bills. 

Ridiculous! Pushing up from his ch 
he raced out of the study, down the hall, 
and into the living room again. He took 
three lurching steps to the curtains, pitch- 
ing forward like some monster ~ and then 


AN ACTORS 
LIFE FOR МЕ 


it took a major crisis—was 
it of his own making? —for 
walter to learn at last his 


role in the world of reality 
fiction By PHILIP ROTH 


ILLUSTRATION BY HERE DAVIDSON 


PLAYBOY 


86 


got control of himself. 

Walter switched on a limp. He chose 
a record and placed it on the turntable. 
All the while he deliberately kept his back 
to the curtains. If you lived in a city like 
New York, you were bound to catch 
glimpses through the window. .. But the 
fellow had been exhibiting himself; his 
intent was made clear by the very way in 
which he moved his limbs, so slowly, so 
languorously . . . 

Walter adjusted the volume of the 
phonograph; he adjusted the tone. Then 
he walked around to Juliet’s study. And 
there he had his second intuition. He 
realized what it was that Juliet was doing 
behind her door. For a week now she had 
been going off to her study after dinner 
to spend an hour or two writing, or so 
she had said. He had not bothered to 
question her; she was not very much of a 
writer, Walter believed, but he allowed 
her her enthusiasms; he had to. He 
knew now that she was not writing at all. 
One and one suddenly made two. Hc 
could hardly believe іс He only rapped 
on the door. "Brandy?" 

There was no answer. If he tried the. 
handle he would find it locked —so he 
believed — so he feared. “Juliet?” 

"The door swung open. Juliet was fully 
dressed. He looked immediately past her 
into the room. The curtains were closcd. 
But just as she snapped out the lights, he 
saw that the soft folds of blue velvet —the 
drapes she herself had sewn —were swing- 
ing to and fro, as though the wind were 
blowing them, or as though they had just 
been pulled shut. 


Juliet and Walter were not a perfectly 
happy couple. There had been setbacks 
and there had been hard times, though 
discretion being a virtue of both, even 
when they had chosen for a while to sepa- 
rate, hardly anyone had known of their 
trouble. For reasons of their own, they 
had no children. Until only a short time 
ago, it had been to the expres 
talents that each had devoted 
an age when other young men and women 
were disappearing into small suburban 
houses, or sailing romantically off to Eu- 
rope on five dollars а day, Juliet and 
Walter were living out of choice in one 
dark room over the truck traffic on Hud- 
son Street. Once, to an impressionable 
girlfriend down from college, Juliet had 
offhandedly referred to their place as “а 
pad in the Village”; when they were alone 
again, Walter had bawled her out for it. 
He and Juliet lived where they did, as 
they did, because they wanted to be them- 
selves — which, at that time, meant that 


But Juliet's career never really got off 
the ground: She had majored in drama 
and the dance at a series of permissive 
girls’ schools, she had played most of the 
leads in college, but in New York the only 


parts she received were walk-ons in plays 
puton in vacant churches and downtown 
lofts, where sometimes to тесе the fire 
regulations was as difficult as finding an 
audience. The one Broadway role she was 
ever in the running for — a small one, at 
that —she did not get because, said the 
director, she looked too much like Kath- 
arine Hepburn: at least that was how 
Juliet reported his remarks to Walter 
when she arrived home. Immediately she 
went out and cut her hair, bought a pait 
of pendulous copper earrings, and, in the 
next few days, tried on а crash diet of 
peanut butter and bananas to change her 
general appearance. But on the fifth 
morning, when she mounted the scale, 
she announced, “Гус actually lost two 
pounds," and for a whole day, instead of 
going back to the director, as she had 
planned, or to her acting dass, or even 
downstairs to get something for them to 
eat for dinner, she lay in bed and sobbed, 
Pathetically she thrashed about on thc 
bed, waiting, Walter knew, for him to do 
something, or to say something, that 
would put things right for her. He was 
her rock. He had a stocky frame, and a 
strong chin, and in his carly 20s his 
straight black hair had already begun to 
go gray at the sides. His neck was thick, 
his body hairy; he had always a tendency 
to look older and shorter than he was. To 
a girl like Juliet, so full of airy hopes and 
dreams, how like granite Walter must 
have seemed. But now all he could do 
for her, despite the graying sideburns 
and the forward thrust of his head, was 
feel sorry for her, and smooth her hair, 
and tell her that she ought to be flattered 
to be told that she looked like Katharine 
Hepburn, who was a beautiful woman. 

The night of Julier’s collapse, Walter 
read over the five plays he had so indus- 
triously written during the three years of 
their marriage. How much longer could 
he keep it up? He too had been a hot-shot 
in the theater department, at a liberal 
arts college in Pennsylvania, a pretty little 
place up in the Allegheny Mount 
that used the local high-school auditori- 
um in which to put on plays. His drama 
professor had believed that Walter Appel 
had written the best one-act play by any- 
onc who had ever attended the school 
But Walter was in New York now; though 
it might be that the producers were com- 
mercial, and stupid, and Philistine ( 
Julict assured him they were), it might 
also be that he was not a very gifted man. 
On the bed in the corner of the room, 
Juliet whimpered the night through in 
dreams of loss, while in his writing chair, 
Walter read his plays and admitted to 
himself that there was really no more 
chance of his becoming a playwright than 
of Juliet’s becoming an actress. It was 
time to stop being an adolescent. 

The next morning he put on a tie and 
jacket, and with the decision firmly made 
to changc his life, hc went off to look for 


work that he could do. Through Harvey 
Landau, who had met the young couple 
and taken to them in a fatherly way, Wal- 
ter found a job in the business end of the 
theater. Perhaps it was not what he had. 
hoped to do, but it was what he could do. 
In fact, it was only a short while before 
he found himself fecling much more like 
a man, doing a regular day's work, and 
doing it well. 

The Appels were soon able to move 
from the squalid room on Hudson Street 
to a good-sized apartment in a brown 
stone on the Upper West Side. Juliet 
went around telling people about their 
high ceilings for a month, in an effort, 
Walter knew, to forget about her failure 
as an actress. As the months passed, he 
was surprised to find her clinging so to 
her illusions; but then he was surprised 
that for all his display of seriousness 
and purpose, he had actually becn a 
victim of illusion himself. 

At home Julict began to practice her 
French with records. Did she believe they 
were going to move to France? He did not 
ask; he let her be. She went for a month 
to a German woman in the East 80s who 
taught her how to sew her own clothes. 
She enrolled in a writing course at the 
New School, and came home in tears one 
night, because the instructor had made 
fun of her story in class. Everything 
pointed in the same direction: it was time 
to have a baby. One night Walter had a 
dream of a little girl whose name was 
Allison. It was their daughter. But dreams 
are one thing, Walter well knew, and life 
another. Unfortunately it was not time 
to have a baby at all. For, some cight 
months after discovering their limitations 
as actress and playwright, the Appels dis 
covered in themselves yet another limita 
tion: it seemed as though they had fallen 
out of love. 

Not that they appeared to care less for 
each other. What made the predicament 
so trying was that in all ways but onc the 
marriage seemed to be what it was before: 
Juliet, between enthusiasms, leaning 
upon Walter, and Walter there to be 
leaned upon. During the day there were 
even moments when Walter thought that 
perhaps they should have a baby so as to 
prevent the marriage from falling apart. 
if that was what was beginning to happen. 
Yet at night he could not blind himself 
to the change that had taken place, 
though it was a change which at first he 
did not entirely understand. Why should 
they be indifferent to one another in 
their bed? 

Though they had no baby, their life 
together went on. At partics Walter 
would even find himself rubbing his 
wife's back, as she sat beside him with a 
drink in her hand. He saw the other men 
admire her tall, good looks, her 
the way she walked and laughed — he 
admired these things himself, her spirit 

(continued on page 228) 


y 


“I came up to complain about the noise . . . !" 


A SHORT HISTORY OF TOASTS AND TOASTING askoa 


article By WILLIAM IVERSEN cust prosrr! Skoal! ;Salud! Bottoms up! Here's how! Na 
Zdorovje! Okole Maluna! Down the hatch! A votre santé! Lang may your lum reek! Oogy Wawa! and 
Here's to it! 

Ranging at random from High German to colloquial Scotch on the rocks, such are some of the 
innumerable sentiments and exclamations drinking men have used to salute their fellow booze bults 
in the ancient and well-nigh universal custom of toasting — a gracious practice which the 18th Century 
wit Richard Brinsley Sheridan gaily hailed as “an excuse for the glass,” and the 17th Century Pu 
William Prynne glumly denounced as “а kind of shoehorn to draw on drink in great abundance.” 

Tugging on our own merry mukluks, and dipping into a few well-aged volumes of liquid lore 
we soon learn that most of mankind has traditionally drunk “healths,” and that the idea of drinking a 
“toast” is peculiar to those who quaft and converse in English. 

As a matter of sober fact, even the English drank nothing but healths until the latter part of the 
17th Century. Prior to that time, a toast was only a slice of lightly browned bread which people ate for 
breakfast, just as they do today — with the singular exception that a bit of toast was often floated in a 
tankard or bowl of warm spiced ale to provide a morsel of solid nourishment. In the earliest historical 
account of how the word “toast” came to be associated with the ritual of drinking to someone's health, 
Richard (The Spectator) Steele reported, in 1709, that the expression first came into vogue among the 
hard-drinking blue bloods of the Restoration, who were wont to resort to the city of Bath to soak up 
the fashionable mineral waters in an atmosphere of wine, women and whist. “It happened," as Steele 


tan 


satisfying survey of the legend and lore surrounding libational salutes 


explained in The Tatler, “that on a publick Day a celebrated Beauty of those Times was in the Cross 
Bath, and one of the Crowd of her Admirers took a Glass of the Water in which the Fair one stood, and 
drank her Health to the Company. There was in the Place a gay Fellow, half-fuddled, who offered to 
jump in, and swore, Tho’ he liked not the Liquor, he would have the Toast. He was opposed in his 
Resolution; yet this whim gave Foundation to the present Honor which is done to the Lady we mention 
in our Liquors, who has ever since been called a Toast.” 

According to the 11th edition of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, the "custom of drinking ‘health’ 
to the living is probably derived from the ancient religious rite of drinking to the gods and the dead 
The Greeks and Romans at meals poured out libations to their gods, and at ceremonial banquets drank 
to them . . ." In distilling this information down into a couple of quick verbal jiggers, Britannica 
allows several essential facts to evaporate, however. In a libation, for example, a given quantity of liquor 
is poured out on the ground as a sacrifice to a deity, while in drinking to someone's health the liquor 
goes gliding down the drinker's own throat. The Greek and Roman custom of passing around a "cup 
to the good spirit," furthermore, is believed to have originated with the "cup of salvation" which was 
religiously quaffed by the ancient Hebrews, whose drinking vessels were often smashed on the ground 
to prevent their being defiled by secular use — a practice which led to the traditional Jewish wedding 
custom of shattering the glass from which the bride and groom have drunk. 

"The custom of raising a glass aloft in honor of the person being toasted is also attributed to the 
early Greeks, who were wineguzzling health addicts of heroic capacity. — (continued on page 212) 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY RALPH CREASMAN 


HERES HOW 


a ringing round of holiday toasts for men of good cheer 


Here's to ridding the world of the curse of liquor . . . glass by glass! 


Gin comes from junipers, beer comes from hay, 
Wine comes [rom barrels in gushes. 
And what's more important, I'm happy to say, 


Мау you be healthy enough to get married, 
wealthy enough to get married, 
and wise enough to avoid it. 


I come from a long line of lushes. 


Here's a fond toast to our hostess, 
Who many times has cursed herself 


For the night she wore the backless вошт 


And, іп doing the twist, reversed herself. 


Here's to good old whiskey, 

So amber and so clear. 

"Тї not so sweet as woman's lips, 
Buta damned-sight more sincere. 


e eer 


To the love that lies in women's eyes, 
And lies, and lies, and lies. 


Men who hold their liquor 

Are worthy of renown, 

I guess we've held it long enough. 
Come on, let's drink it down. 


Here's to the man who takes a wife, 
Let him make no mistake: 

For it makes a world of difference 
Whose wife it is you take. 


Тоо much alcohol warms the blood. 
And makes the words come gushin’. 
Sobriety, though, makes a party a dud — 
So here's to a heated discussion! 


Here's champagne to our real friends 
and real pain to our sham friends. 


Capistrano is famous for its swallows; 
let's get cuen famouser. 


May you live as long as you want to, 
end. want to as long as you live! 


May they never fail ya: 
Your genitalia! 


Ill toast the girls who do, 

ГИ toast the girls who don't. 

But not the girls who say they will 

And later decide they won't. 

But the girl I'll toast from break of day 
To the wee hours of the night 

Is the girl who says, “I never have — 

But just for you, I might!” 


He isnot drunk 


Who, from the floor, 
Can rise again 

And drink some more. 
But he is drunk 

Who prostrate lies 
And cannot drink 
And cannot rise. 


To our wives and sweethearts: 
may they never meet! 


May those who love truly 
be always believed, 

And may those who deceive 
be always deceived. 


Here's to Carry Nation, 

Of antidrink renown, 

Who, though against libation, 
Hit ev'ry bar in town. 


Health, wealth and love, 
and time to enjoy them. 


Here's to woman! Would that 
we could fall into her arms 
without falling into her hands. 


Liquor ruins your liver, fuddles your brain, distorts your speech, 
cripples your coordination, and shortens your life span . . . 
And so — Here's to masochism! 


May you prove to be the wrong blood type. 


Here's to long-winded toasters: May they dry up before the drinks do. 


... AND HERES HOW 


a ringing round of holiday drinks for men of good cheer 


WHEN A DRINK for toasting is perfectly 
made, it honors both guest and liquor 
Toasts may be ladled from a giant 
punch bowl or poured directly from 
bottle or shaker: they may be hot or cold. 
The well-bred toastmaster makes sure 
that his potables are always offered 
sparkling polished glasses and that his 
glasses, whenever possible, are of the 
stem type so that his toasters not only 
drink the liquor but, in holding it aloft, 
unhidden by the hand, can drink to it. 


PICON VERMOUTIE 
(Serves one) 


2 ozs. Am Picon 

1 oz. dry vermouth 

1⁄4 slice lemon 

Í tablespoon cognac 

The old French 78-proof aperitif li- 
queur appears in many tll and short 
drinks, but no matter what version you 
choose, it remains a magnificent pre- 
dinner toast. Although it's as potent 
dard cocktail, it always tr 
the palate gently. Its kind of sophisti 
cation suggests that it be followed with 
a blazing-hot onion soup or petite ma 
mite, with chicken or game in a wi 
sauce and with a plump baba au rhum. 
Pour Amer Picon and vermouth into 
mixing glass with ice. Stir well. S 
into prechilled stem whiskey-sour glass, 
6-oz. capacity. Add an ice cube and V4 
slice lemon. Float cognac on top witho 
stirring. 


BRANDY MILK PUNCH 
(Serves two) 


3⁄4 cup milk 

1⁄4 cup heavy cream 

4 ozs. cognac 

2 teaspoons sugar 

1⁄4 oz. golden rum 

Freshly grated nutmeg 

For small groups, brandy milk punch 
can be quickly mixed and served without 
the complex logistics of oversize punch 
bowls filled for mass drinking. The solt, 
rich potation is an especially comfort. 


By THOMAS MARIO 


able toast on the morning or afternoon 
of New Years Day. Pour milk, cream, 
cognac, sugar and rum into cocktail 


shaker with ice. Shake well. Strain into 
either prechilled glass punch cups or 
tulip-shaped all-purpose drinking glasses. 
Sprinkle with nutmeg, 


HOLIDAY ROB ROY 
(Serues one) 
2 ozs, Scotch 

1⁄4 oz. dry vermouth 
% oz. sweet vermouth 


Drambuic 
Maraschino stem cherry 
"The rob roy is one of those adaptable 


toasts that can be offered equally well at 
the afternoon cocktail hour, at dinner or 
midnight supper. It may be made with 
all sweet or all dry vermouth or the 
half-and-half mixture above. Pour Scot 
and both kinds of vermouth into mixing 
glass with ice. Stir well. Pour a very 
small amount of Drambuie into pre- 
chilled cocktail glass. Swirl the liqueur. 
around and then pour excess into an- 
other glass. Strain rob roy into glass. 
Add cherry. 


c 
CHAMPAGNE COCKTAIL 
(Serves two) 


1 split brut champagne 

Angostura bitters 

1 barspoon sugar 

Lemon peel 

For sheer éclat, no drink at any hour 
of the day or night or year can match 
iced champagne. The champagne cock- 


tail happens to be one of the easiest of 
all toasts for both intimate and outsized 
frolics. Prechill glasses, using either 
saucer-champagne or tulipshaped gob- 
lets, The latter will preserve the bubbly 
delight as much as possible. A fifth of 
champagne will make 6 or 7 champagne 
cocktails, so increase your ingredients 
accordingly. You must make sure, of 
course, that your champagne inventory 
is ample. In estimating the number of 
rounds you'll need, you should provide 
enough champagne for a minimum of 
three rounds. Into each glass put a 
dash or two of bitters and а half spoon 
of sugar. Add the champagne. Often the 
sparkle of the champagne will blend the 
ingredients and no stirring is necessary. 
Otherwise, a gentle twirl will suffice. 
Twist the lemon peel over the cham- 
pagne and drop the glass. You're 
now ready for a sparkling toast. 


(Serves two) 


6 ozs. Irish whiskey 

2 tablespoons honey 

%4 cup boiling water 

Lemon peel 

The blue blazer is both nightcap and 
toast. Served steaming hot, it's slowly 
sipped. It may be made with either Irish 
or Scotch whisky. Some bartenders wear 
asbestos gloves when making the blue 
blazer. For mixing a blazer, you need 
two heavy and rather deep mugs, about 
12-oz. capacity. Rinse the mugs with hot 
or boiling water before mixing the 
drink. Pour honey and boil water 
into one mug and stir until honey is 

а saucepan 

until it's hot but not boiling. Pour into 
second mug. Light it. Pour the whiskey 
back and forth between mugs. The blue 
stream that will flow is best appreciated 
in a dimly lit room. Since a few drams 
of the blazing whiskey may spill, it’s best 
to pour it over a large silver or china 
platter. When flames subside, pour the 
blazer into a thick cut glass goblet. Twist 
the lemon peel over the blazer and drop 
it into the glass. Cheeriol 


THE PROPERTY 
OF A LADY 


fitim By IAN FLEMING 


as the bidding approached its climax, 
james bond caught sight of his chunky 
adversary giving a secret signal 


IT WAS, EXCEPTIONALLY, a hot day in early June. James 
Bond put down the dark gray chalk pencil that was 
the marker for the dockets routed to the Double-O 
Section and took off his coat. He didn't bother to hang 
it over the back of his chair, let alone take the trouble 
to get up and drape the coat over the hanger Mary 
Goodnight had suspended, at her own cost (damn 
women!), behind the Office of Works’ green door of 
his connecting office. He dropped the coat on the floor. 
There was no reason to keep the coat immaculate, the 
creases tidy. There was no sign of any work to be 
done. All over the world there was quiet. The iN and 
out signals had, for weeks, been routine. The daily 
topsecret SITREP, even the newspapers, yawned vac 
uously— in the latter case scratching at domestic 
scandals for readership, for bad news, the only news 
that makes such sheets readable, whether top secret 
or on sale for pennies. 

Bond hated these periods of vacuum. His eyes, his 
mind, were barely in focus as he turned pages ol 
a jawbreaking dissertation by the Scientific Research 
Section on the Russian use of cyanide gas, propelled 
by the cheapest bulb-handled children’s water pistol, 
for assassination. The spray, it seemed, directed at 
the face, took instantaneous effect. It was recommend- 
ed for victims from 25 years upward, оп ascending 
stairways or inclines. The verdict would then prob 
ably be heart failure. 

‘The harsh burr of the red telephone sprayed into 
the room so suddenly that James Bond, his mind 
elsewhere, reached his hand automatically toward 
his left armpit in self-defense. The edges of his mouth 
turned down as he recognized the reflex. On the 
second burr he picked up the receiver. 


“Sir 

He got up from his chair and picked up his coat. 
He put on the coat and at the same time put on his 
mind. He had been dozing in his bunk. Now he had 
to go up on the bridge. He walked through into the 
connecting office and resisted the impulse to ruffle up 
the inviting nape of Mary Goodnight’s golden neck. 

He told her “M” and walked out into the close- 
carpeted corridor and along, between the muted whiz 
and zing of the Communications Section, of which his 
Section was a neighbor, to the lift and up to the eighth. 

Miss Moneypenny's expression conveyed nothing. 
It usoally conveyed something if she knew something 
— private. excitement, curiosity or, if Bond was in 
trouble, encouragement or (continued on page 200) 


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tete or extravaganza. This bottle-green hosting jacket of cotton velvet, with matching link-style buttons and 
black satin shawl collar, is fully lined. Double satin-piped pockets аге an added feature, by After Six, $55 

94 Complementing the t shirt of English cotton voile has fashionably narrow pleats, by Sulka, 


THE 
WISDOM 
PABLO 
PICASSO 


the world's foremost living artist puts forth a credo for creativity 


A. is the best possible introduction to the culture of the world. 
Great art always suggests nobility of spirit. 


Great paintings all have the same thing in common — they convey the over- 
flowing of creative imaginations and monumental compulsions. 


Art! 1 love it for the buried hopes, the garnered memories, the tender feelings 
it can summon at a touch. 


Painting is the supreme form of artistic expression because it is the most 
faithful mirror of its own existence. 


Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. 


Painting is superior to literature. À writer gives interest to slices of life's 
details. The artist organizes them and endows them with form. 


I am always aware that I am engaged in an activity in which the brush can 
accomplish what the pen cannot. 


We artists represent our fictions as though they were realities, while writers. 
preach their realities as though they were fictions, 


I try to make my paintings as reliable as history and as picturesque as fiction. 
I often do for a figure exactly what a novelist does with a character he creates. 
Art, like literature, is in need of heroes. 

Art is valuable and enriching only so far as it is not born in artifice. 


A. work of art does not depend on the morality of its subjects, but on the 
faithful truth of the rendering of whatever it may be. 


Realistic honesty in art is elegant idealism in the artist. 


Meager imagination and uninspired realism have invaded modern art more 
to the point of becoming art's most serious obstacles. 


Loud, long-winded art is pompousness. 
1 believe that the ages which are to follow this will surpass our possibilities 
of art. The art of today should embody the highest life of today for the usc 


of today. For those who have gone before us do not need it, and those who 
will come after us will bave something better. 


А great artist is answerable only to God. 


The ideal artist possesses alert senses and intelligence. a keen gift of humor, 
and a supreme gift of expression mature in spirit. 


Every great artist has possessed exceptional moral strength. 


An artist may have peculiarities of temperament, be shy, distrustful, irritable 
or violent, but he must never degenerate into the loneliness of old age. 


“The nearer an artist approaches greatness, the more successful is his treatment 
of simple themes. 


I have always tried to give my work a refined simplicity. 


Artists are men of many parts, consequently they are often inconsistent of 
style. 


Good artists are above all things good workers, the faithful craftsmen of 
their work. 


An original painting that is destined to survive often shows a restless spirit, 
combined with warmth of genuine feeling, undramatic monumentality and 
a grandeur of spiritual content. 


Many of the paintings I sec today seem derivative, petty and uninspired. 
Good art is always carth-bound no matter how clumsy the style. 


An artist fails only when he sinks to insincerity. 


An artist must renew his ideas by the simple honesty of his vision and by 
the courage of his analysis. 


Every professional painter has his monotonous side, when all his pictures 
seem to have a stilted effect. 


A great painting is as fluent and harmonious as the architecture of a tree. 


An artist must strive to achieve a balance between realism and stylization, 
between the poetry of his means and the truth of his subjects. "Thereafter 
his path is clear and he can paint with infallible accuracy entirely from 
memory and imagination. 


A painter cannot paint what does not exist. He can only rediscover what has 
been lost, forgotten or misunderstood. 


Artists should be judged by results, not by intentions. 


Тһе levelheaded, critically minded, sensible painter never grows famous. 
He grows rich. 


Great talent is often smothered under the gold heaped upon it by the innu- 
merable, rich, would-be art collectors of our age. 


I often tell young people to learn in youth to withstand the fascination of 
money, and not to contemplate it with pleasure as if it were some precious 
thing. It is, in fact, glittering earth, and nothing more. It is unstable and 
fugitive. It flits from one to another, and is like the withered leaves which 
the wind drives to and fro, and collects here in one heap, there in another. 


І sec many modern paintings today that are alien to beauty, possessing a certain 
meagerness of spirit and lack of sensibility and without a spark of imagination. 


An artist who has acquired great popularity often is an expert at understanding 
the popular mentality. 


A thousand artists have made good livings with their sets of rubber stamps. 


There are too many hackneyed themes in so-called popular art. Some of the 
pictures may have great painterly qualities, but they are rather empty, lacking 
vigor and solidity. 


The plain truth is that the nearer an unknown (continued on page 236) 


Whey 


roi ТТ. 


“Lovely ornaments you have there, Miss Abbott" 


102 


pictorial essay 


PLAYBOY'S FIRST PLAYMATE: DECEMBER 1953 


“The urge to go nude was her most public whim. ‘I dreamed I was standing 

up in church without any clothes on,’ she recalled, ‘and all the people there were 
lying at my feet.’ Years later, she posed nude for Christendom’s most famous 
calendar, and from that moment on, she was the only blonde in the world.” 


TIME MAGAZINE 


Mmm тете Tm b е те а а retrospective tribute to а hollywood legend 


i ГА. pt | 
tp UO л / 
“MARILYN MONROE,” BY WILLEM DE KOONING, 1954 


"Throughout the ages, artists have made symbols 
of female goddesses and cult images. De Kooning has 
painted them as masochistic, shamelessly erotic 


women. whose distortion expresses great suffering." 
ART HISTORIAN PETER SELZ 


“She had flesh which photo- 
graphs like flesh. You feel you 
can reach out and touch it.” 


BILLY WILDER 


"Unique is an overworked word, but in 
her case it applies. There will never be 
another one like her, and Lord knows 
there have been plenty of imitations.” 
irector Billy Wilder. 
The subject: Marilyn Monroe, nce 
Norma Jean Mortenson, an illegitimate 


child who grew up in a foster home to 
become the leading lady in her own story- 
book dream of movie stardom — a female 
so famous that her alliterative initials were 
known as universally as those for Sex 
Appeal, with which many considered her 
synonymous. 

"To the charismatic magnetism of the 
screen's great queens — ће carnal candor 
of Harlow, the lush beauty of Swanson, 
the bewitching mystery of Garbo, the sex- 
ual precocity of Bardot — she added her 

y: an enchanting 
ess and otherworld- 
liness, girlish helplessness and womanly 
self-possession, wide-eyed naïveté and 
sly self-parody. “I think she's something 
different to each man,” Clark Gable said 
of her, "blending somehow the things he 


“Marilyn is a kind of ultimate, in her way, with 

a million sides to her. She is uniquely feminine. Every- 
thing she does is different, strange and exciting, 
from the way she talks to the way she uses that mag- 
nificent torso. She makes a man proud to be a man.” 


CLARK GABLE 


seems to require most.” But whatever her allure, her message was 
elemental and universal — people began to get it loud and clear from 
the moment she swiveled across the screen in 1950 as Louis Calhern's 
pneumatic "niece" in The Asphalt Jungle, her first important bit part. 
By 1952, after equally minor but increasingly conspicuous roles in All 
About Eve, Love Nest and Clash by Night, she had unseated Betty 
Grable as the nation's most popular pin-up queen. 

Soon after the news leaked out that she had posed for what was 
to become history's most famous nude photo, Marilyn appeared as 
PLAYBOY'S first and still foremost Playmate in the magazine's premier 
issuc of December 1953. From then on, her rise to fame and fortune, 
paralleling PLAYBoY's own, moved into high gear via such Technicolor 
vehicles as Niagara, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, How to Marry a Mil- 
lionaire and River of No Return. She became the reigning love goddess 
of the screen — but, as such, a creature less of flesh than fantasy for 
millions to whom she represented the ultimate embodiment of erotic 
womanhood. ‘Though she basked and bloomed in the sun of this 
adulation, she found herself struggling in vain to preserve her three: 
dimensional identity bencath the glossy façade of Celluloid sex sym- 
bolism. With her celebrated marriage to Joe DiMaggio in 1954, she 


104 


“Marilyn was so cute when she did that swimming sequence for ‘Something’s Got to 
Give.’ Director George Cukor asked her if she would do it nude, and told her 

he'd. watch the camera angles so that there'd be nothing indelicate about the scene, 
in which she was supposed to playfully take a midnight swim in the pool, aware 
that her husband, Dean Martin, was peeking at her. She said yes, without being 
coy about it. When she saw the rushes later she roared at herself and said, ‘I 
actually look like a good swimmer. Who'd guess that I’m just a dog paddler?’ " 


MARJORIE PLECHEK, MARILYN'S WARDROBE MISTRESS 


sought to substantiate her womanhood as a loving wife and mother; but preempted by the pressures of super- 
stardom, these dreams of blissful domesticity were destined to dissolve before the end of the year. 

Critics, meanwhile, had begun to discern in her performances a burgeoning comic flair which she refined 
into a genuine comedic style as the seductive girl upstairs іп The Seven Year Ich. Unflattered, however, 
Marilyn was becoming increasingly impatient with what she felt was her typecast public image as a vapid and 
voluptuous kewpie doll. When the studio responded to her pleas for challenging dramatic roles by casting her 
as the decorative centerpiece іп still another Cinemascopic confection, she simply walked out on her long-term 
contract, formed her own production company, abandoned Hollywood and moved to New York. In an earnest 
search for selffulfillment as a serious actress, she enrolled at the Actors Studio and began to cultivate cultivated 

including playwright Arthur Miller. Returning triumphantly to Hollywood from this yearlong self- 

n the film version of William Inge's Bus Stop, she brought her Method taining poignantly to bear 
on the most evocative portrayal of her career. Converting to Judaism, she married Miller that June and traveled 
with him to London to film The Prince and the Showgirl — realizing at last a long-cherished dream of co-starring 
with Sir Laurence Olivier, The reviews of her performance were not overgencrous; but her next role, as the 
ukulele playing vocalist of an all girl band in Some Like It Hot, was hailed as (гелі continued on page 190) 


PHOTOGRAPHS ON THIS AND PREVIOUS SPREAD ARE A PLAYBOY EXCLUSIVE BY LAWRENCE SCHILLER AND WILLIAM READ WOODFIELD 


“After she made the swimming sequence, she asked me, ‘Do you think it was in bad taste?’ 
I told her there was nothing suggestive about it at all. Her figure was more beautiful 
than it had ever been. A perfect body like Marilyn’s looks beautiful nude, and beauty is 

never vulgar. Her animal magnetism, though sometimes flamboyant, always had an 
appealing, childlike quality which seemed to be poking fun at the very quality she symbolized.” 


108 AGNES FLANAGAN, MARILYN'S HAIR STYLIST 


PLAYBOY 


110 


As you have probably noticed, World War I is rapidly over- 
taking the Civil War these days in the popularity sweepstakes 
among writers. It all began two years ago with Barbara Tuchman's 
Pulitzer Prize-winning “The Guns of August.” Since that time 
the booksialls have been featuring such new works on The Great 
War as Alistair Horne's "The Price of Glory,” Brian Gardner's 
“The Big Push.” Barrie Pitt's “1918: The Last Act,” etc. Іп ad- 
dition, Winston Churchill's “The World Crisis" has been reissued, 
and there is talk in the industry that Erich Maria Remarque's 
classic, “All Quiet on the Western Front,” will also receive reprint 
treatment. 

As one who has read some of the afore-mentioned works and 
has thumbed through the others, 1 ат impressed by their over-all 
quality. But 1 am also somewhat depressed by their grim accent on 
blood, slaughter and futility. 

Having floated serenely through that conflict with the uid of a 
raft of boys’ books which were so popular in the Thirties (“The 
Boy Allies” series by Clair W. Hayes, among others), I look back 
vicariously on the struggle as something exciting and supremely 
glorious. To me it was in essence a war through which clean-cut 
young protagonists romped heroically, performing fantastic deeds 
ut the expense of a well-meaning but inept foe. In short, to my 
generation World War I was basically a fun war. 

So, as my contribution to a currently hot literary trend, 1 would 
like to reissue — from memory — my favorite World War I book. 


“Well, well,” said Field Marshal Foch, commander of all Allied 
forces on the Continent, "if it isn't Mal Kane and Lester Craw- 
fish. 1 have heard so much about you two lads." 

“It is indeed grand meeting you, said Mal and Lester, as 
they stood there in the command tent somewhere on the western 


front. 

“You two have certainly made names for yourselves thus far in 
this, the most titanic struggle that mankind has yet known,” 
Marshal Foch went on. “Proficient with the sword, pistol and most 
other weapons; courageous and clean-living to a fault; superb 
military strategists; grammarians par excellence and masters of 
sixteen tongues, many of which have aided you immeasurably on 
your various spying missions; you have both already reached the 
rank of full colonel. And yet you are mere lads of fourteen.” 

“We shall be fifteen next month, sir,” said Lester, somewhat 
nettled. 

“Of course,” said Marshal Foch. “1 have just received an invi- 
tation to the party that General Pershing is throwing [or you at 
Château-Thierry. But do tell me a little bit about your back- 
grounds.” 

“There is nothing much to tell, sir,” said Lester modestly. “Mal 
and 1 are two American chums who have won innumerable 
medals іп U. S. schools for history, citizenship and grammar. We 
came to visit Europe with our parents back in 1914 and, finding 
muscunrattending and such things to be rather dull, we decided 
that it might be fun to participate in a war." 

“That's right, sir," Mal continued. “But not just any war. We 
had in mind a noble conflict. So we assassinated Archduke Francis 
Ferdinand, heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne, and . 

“You assassinated the Archduke?” said Marshal Foch, not a litte 
astonished. "All along I had thought . . .” 
hat a Serbian student had done it?" said Mal, chuckling. 

"Thars onc on you, sir," laughed Lester. The field marshal 
joined in the general laughter in spite of himself. 

"But seriously, sir," said Mal, "we have seen action with the 
Belgians at Liége. where we singlehandedly destroyed three Ger- 
man regiments. We then unearthed a conspiracy that threatened 
to wipe out the entire French army (continued on page 210) 


GERSTEN 


an enemy-rouling romp over the top 
with those fictive heroes of world war one 


satire By LARRY SIEGEL 


lll 


THE FESTIVE FONDUE 


p THOM 1 1 M ARIO REPORTS FROM SWITZERLAND Confirm that the current favorite sport 
food By Ln 5 i among the Swiss — mountaineering, yodcling, skiing and beautiful 
women notwithstanding — is fonduing. In pursuit of that pleasure, the Swiss have become the outstanding 
proponents of the fondue fork, the most utile table utensil to come along since a Byzantine princess introduced 
the first fork to the West. The fondue fork is an extra-long, two-pronged job which the Swiss use to dip chunks 
of crusty French bread into a chafing dish filled with melted cheese and kirsch. The dish — still popular and 
tasty — is called valais. The newest member of the fondue clan is called bourguignonne, and it towers over the 
older fondue like the Matterhorn over a molehill. 

Although the open season for fonduing continues all year long, it scores highest as holiday table lare. 
In the chemistry of hospitality, the happiest formula has always been one that allows the guests to partake 
of the hosts chores. The kind of normal barrier encountered at some formal dinner parties simply dissolves 
at fondue fetes. It's every man for himself, and you avoid the competitive eying of the roast beef platter and 
the crowding in the vicinity of the lobster newburg. No matter how fierce the appetites, no fondue enthusiast 
will ever have to declaim as Alexander Barclay once did, describing a dinner in one of his eclogues: 

And if it be fleshe, 10 knives shall thou see 
Mangling the fleshe, and in the platter flee. 
To put there thy hands is perill without fayle 
Without a gauntlet or els a glove of mayle. 

The ritual of fondue bourguignonne is simple. Each guest is presented with a plate of small pieces of 
raw filet mignon and an assortment of sauces. Не impales the meat on his fork, lowers it into a dish of hot 
oil over a spirit lamp, waits about a minute or less, dunks the now-browned meat in one of several sauces, and 
then commits the luscious morsel to its final destiny. 

1t doesn't detract from the fun of fonduing to point out that the phrase fondue bourguignonne is. in 
а sense, a misnomer. The French word fondue means a dish cooked to a pulp or purée, like the melted-checsc 
or scrambled-egg fondues. Fondue bourguignonne didn't come from Burgundy, nor does it resemble cither 
the Burgundian becf stew or the beef dish kept on the back of the fire by French pe: ts until they returned 
from the fields. Some Swiss cheís like to say that its unknown originator fell in love with a girl from the 
Côte-d'Or and created the fondue as a culinary tribute to his Burgundian heart's delight. Origins aside, 
the varieties of holiday menus based on the fondue bourguignonne are limitless and echo the esprit, if not the 
letter, of Burgundian gourmandise. 

Before the party, the role of the fondue host is more that of purveyor than beleaguered chef. He provides 
the raw meat which he merely cuts into small pieces. He may make a hot sauce of the hollandaise type in 
his blender and offer several compatible condiments. In ad n to the meat, there may be a huge mound 
of roesti, the Swiss version of hashed brown potatoes, or a platter of brown noodles and one of the excellent 
cooked frozen vegetables now available. Although a salad may seem like an embarras de richesses, it’s fine lor 
nibbling while the snared meat is in the fondue dish. 

Classic fondue equipment can be bought as a set, or assembled in separate pieces. Visually, the highly 
burnished copper or brass assemblage is a distinct plus at any table. There's a tray of brass or copper (for 
protecting. the table) on which a trivet stands. Beneath the trivet, the flames emanate from a spirit lamp or 
can of Sterno. Into the trivet, a deep copper dish lined with silver snugly fits. One fondue set will take care 
of four to six people. For parties of eight or over, you'll need two sets. И you happen to own a chafing dish, 
the blazer may be used directly over the flame for fondues, but the deeper fondue dish is, of cours 
proof. We prefer fondue forks with multicolored handles so that cach of the entrants at the tou 
identify his weapon. Fondue dinner plates are often seen at the rit 


„ "They're simply compartmented dinner 
ler sections for (concluded on page 1%) 


eschewing the conventional cheese approach, playboy 
champions burgundian delights for a convivial crowd 


plates with a large section for holding the meat and peripheral sm 


114 


DN BEING A MANAGERIAL MISFIT 


article By VANCE PACKARD the best-selling author of books on the exec- 
utive life reveals his own shortcomings—were he an aspirant in the business world 


EVERY VENTURESOME AMERICAN MALE, | suppose, likes to think that he could be a successful 
corporate executive if he bothered to try. The captain of industry in our society commands 
the open or secret envy of most of us; and if you watch him for a day you may gain the 
impression that you might, with a little practice, be able to take his place credibly. 

1 watched such executives for more than two years before preparing my recent book The 
Pyramid Climbers. In the course of my watching and researching, I confess, it often occurred 
to me to wonder if I, too, could be one of those executives who gets his name on the door of 
a teak pancled office, with a smiling secretary to guard that door. I even took a battery of tests, 
in the company of several aspiring managers, that were designed to lay bare my strengths and 
weaknesses as a potential executive. 

What 1 concluded about my own executive capacity might amuse if not enlighten those 
readers of PLAYBOY who have entertained similar secret speculations about themselves — or have 
indeed already made the grade as successful corporate executives. 1 prepared what follows 
especially for such readers. 

The rules and requirements for getting near the top of a sizable corporate pyramid, 1 
learned, are trickier and far more excluding than might at first seem apparent. 

Even so, 1 had grounds for dreaming. I have never met a payroll, beyond paying my 
children's allowances: but for that mattcr, most exccutives of sizable corporations have never 
met one either. And I do have some of the surface characteristics that might give me the 
impression that I could reach a position where I would have rank after rank of respectful 
subordinates hastening to do my bidding. 

One authority I encountered, John Hite, director of The Institute of Management, Johnson 
& Johnson, stressed that, “One must be a bit half-assed to be a good manager.” This is technically 
known as having a tolerance for ambiguity. Certainly many people have credited me with being 
fully qualified in this respect. Many men, especially scientists and engineers, break up when 
given executive jobs simply because they don’t have this tolerance. It pains them to take an 
important action when diey don't have all the facts. An executive often can't wait for, or can't 
possibly know, all the facts. His responsibility at times is bound to extend further than his 
personal knowledge. There are times when he must shine as a hunch player. 

I might also be optimistic about my executive potentialities because I could breeze through 
most of the preliminary screening usually performed on executive candidates. I'm safe on the 
most common knockout factors that prevent a great many talented people from even being 
considered seriously for important management jobs. 

Unlike many people more talented than myself, 1 am not handicapped for an executive 
position by accidents of birth or heredity or religion, to cite some obvious knockout (actors. 
First of all, | happen to be a male. When companies talk about their executive man power they 
usually mean just that. There are exceptions, but generally females are not thought of as 
executive material, 

By accident of birth I am also what sociologists call a WASP. I'm a white Anglo-Saxon Prot- 
estant. Most of the big companies, witüngly or unwittingly, favor the WASP out of long habit, 
and while barriers gradually are being eased, most managements of large business institutions still 
think of their executive suites as social clubs where WASPs are given preference. The non-WASPs 
— especially those who arc non-Christian or nonwhite or have cast- or south-Europcan ancestors — 
still encounter considerable difficulties in attaining high executive positions in most of the 
nation's larger business enterprises The large corporations have lagged far behind public 
institutions and universities in drawing from the whole spectrum of American society in filling 
their management ranks. 

Another of the common knockout factors that would still leave me in the run 
standard query about education. The corporate screeners now as a matter of routine usually 
want evidence that a candidate possesses a college diploma. This is especially so of the larger 
ics. Some technical jobs in compa: obviously require a college education. But it is 
also true that many of the most spectacular private entrepreneurs of our day — those who have 
made more than $10,000,000 in the past two decades despite (continued on page 130) 


ing is the 


compat 


"Where are the others?" 


ТНЕ CONFLICTING IDEOLOGIES OF EAST AND WEST 


ап eminent philosopher weighs the factors in today’s critical balance of power 
opinion By BERTRAND RUSSELL 


‘THE TENSION BETWEEN EAST AND WEST has many forms and is supported by many very differing arguments. One of the 
causes of tension is supposed to be that the West has on cology and the East has another. It is said in the West that 
the West is Christian, while the East is godless, and that the West loves freedom, while the East practices despotism, 
and that the West believes in self-determination for nations, while Russia is out for world conquest. A correlative set 
of beliefs exists in the Communist world: the West is said to entertain superstitions which help sinister influences to 
gain power; the vaunted freedom of the West is said to be only freedom for the rich and to have no purpose except 
exploitation. Communist countries call themselves “peace-loving” and are as persuaded of America’s impe 
America is of that of Russia. By means of these opposing beliefs, each side becomes persuaded that the other is wicked 
and that the destruction of the forces of evil is a noble work which must be performed at no matter what cost. 
Although the ideological dillerences are sincerely believed by cach party to justify its hostility to the other, 1 do 


GOSCINSKY 


PLAYBOY 


not myself believe that ideological ques- 
tions play any impnrtant part in causing 
the tension between East and West. I 
think, on the contrary, that they are prop- 
ganda weapons designed to stimulate 
warlike ardor and to convert neutrals. 
Whenever, in past history, two ap 
proximately equal states have had much 
more power than any others, they have 
bec 
until both were too exhausted to rem: 
formidable. France and Spain, England 
and France, Germany and England have 
I, in turn, followed this pattern until 
now all have rendered themselves nearly 
powerless, and the old futilities have 
been taken up by Am а and Russi: 
АН these various struggles had their ideo- 
logical aspect, but all were, in fact, 
caused by love of power. The rest is 
merely an elegant. decoration. 

‘The evidences for this thesis аге not 
far to seek. Western. propagandists tell 
us that the West has noble aims, where- 
as the Fast is materialistic. But onc of 
the most persuasive arguments for an 
American invasion of Cuba is that, if 
Castro is allowed to remain, real estate 
in Miami will not be worth 50 cents an 
acre. Throughout Latin America, and 
in various other parts of the world also, 
American influence is devoted to keep- 
ing corrupt, cruel ty n power be 
cause they are more convenient for 
American capitalists to deal with. 

I do not wish to suggest that one side 
has а monopoly on humbug. East Ger- 
many is called “The German Demo 
matic Republic," whereas it is, іп fact, 
a military dictatorship established by an 
alien military power in the course of 
suppressing a popular revolution. But, 
ugh Russian humbug exists, | do 
not think it has ever surpassed in cynical 
pretense the Western contention that 
the West stands for what it calls “The 
тее World." The West is ready to 
accept Spain and Portugal as allies al 
though both these countries have a des: 
potism as ruthless as that of Ru: 
the worst days of Stalin. Nor is it only in 
allied countries that America shows iv 
diflerence to freedom. Modern develop. 
ments of capitalism have placed immense 
power in the hands of great indust 
corporations, and those who do not sub- 
mit to their dictation find scant respect 
for liberty, This was much less the case 
n earlier times. Capitalists were less or- 
ganized and were often engaged in com 
petition with each other. Craftsmen and 
peasants had a certain degree of eco- 
nomic freedom such as is now possessed 
only by the great magnates of industry. 
Freedom of the press, which has always 
been a liberal slogan, has now become 
almost completely a sham. Newspapers 
with large circulations depend for sol 
vency upon advertisements, and well 
paid advertisements inevitably come 


hostile and have fought cach other 


nts 


118 almost wholly from the rich. H is true 


that in the Western world the press has 
а certain degree of legal liberty, but 
newspapers which oppose the Establish- 
ment cannot hope for large circulations, 
because they do not appeal to advertisers. 
‘The consequence is that the general pub. 
lic gets its news distorted and biascd, and 


is kept in ignorance of many things 
which it is important that it should 
ster example of 


know. The most si 
this kind of distortion is the 
of the armament industry in repressing 
the facts about. nuclear warfare, its prob- 
ability and its destructiveness. In the 
West, the press is thus controlled by Iead- 
ng industrialists: in Russia, by leading 
politicians. The one system is no more 
democratic than the other, 

"There also is a tendency in the West 
to lay too much stress upon purely legal 
freedom and to ignore the ссопошіс 
penalties to which a man of unorthodox 
opinions is exposed. While he is a stu- 
dent at a university, he is spied upon by 
the authorities and, if his opinions are 
not wholly conventional, he finds, on 
leaving the university, that it is very dif. 
ed 
in this, he is liable to be harried by Con. 
gressional investigations which take up 
his time and are likely to leave him bank- 
rupt. 15 it to be wondered at that most 
men take pains to avoid such penalties? 

I am not pretending that Russia is 
better in these respects. I am only con- 
tending that “The Free World" has be- 
come, everywhere, a beautiful dream 
which can be honesty believed in only 
by those who are ignorant of modern 
facts — but. these, unfortunately, const 
tute about 99 percent of the population. 

It is ironic that the curtailment of 
freedom in the West has been chiefly 
due to the belief that the West is fight- 
ing for freedom. So long as East and 
West continue to regard each other as 
monsters of. iniquity, frecdom is sure to 
diminish in the West and will have diff. 
culty increasing in the East. 

"This brings me to the question: What 
can be done to diminish the acerbity 
the conflict of ideologies? Something can 
be done by an increase of social inter- 
course between East and West. But 
1 do not think that anything very 
decisive can be done until ways are 
found of diminishing mutual fear. At 
present, most people on each side be. 
ve that the other may at any moment 
make a treacherous attack which will be 
utterly disastrous in its effects. This be- 
lief naturally engenders hatred of the 
other side, The hatred increases the other 
le's fear, and therefore the other side's 
naments. The Russians talk about 100. 
aton bombs, and we shudder and 
think how wicked they are. Our 
Чез, return, boast of our n 
superiority im nuclear weapons. 
side. like a bragging schoolboy. 
"You're the ones who will he extermi- 


luence 


ficult to secure a job. If he does succ 


says, 


nated, while we shall survive." This is so 
childish that one would hardly have be. 
lieved, in advance, that eminent. politi 
is would talk such nonse And so, 
in a kind of deadly interchange, cach 
increases its own danger in the attempt 
to decrease the danger of the other side. 
I do not see how this deadly spiral is to 
be overcome except by mutual disarma- 
ment. But there will not be disarmament 
until fear is lessened, and fear will not 
be lessened until there is disarmament. 
What can be done to find a way out of 
this tangle? Disarmament conferences 
keep on taking place, but it is under- 
stood on both sides that they аге only а 
game to bemuse the populace and that 
they must on no account be allowed to 
lead to any good result. All the people 
engaged in this dangerous game know 
perfectly well that sooner or later it will 
lead to disaster. Perhaps tempers will be 
frayed beyond endurance, perhaps ner- 
vous apprehension will come to be 
thought worse than what it fears, per 
haps an accident or a mistake will plunge 
the world into nuclear war. All thesc 
things may not be very probable, but 
sooner or later, if there is no change in 
public policy, one or another of them is 
almost a certainty. 

There is one quite simple thing which 
could be done, however, and which 
would make all the difference. Each side 
must acknowledge that the destruction 
on both sides would probably be about 
equal and that nothing that anybody 
desires would result. Each side should 
say to the other, "We have a common 
nterest, which is to remain alive. We 
also have a common enemy, which is 
nuclear weapons. Let us conquer the 
common enemy and pursuc our com- 
mon interest in peace. Let us hate 
armaments instead of hating half of 
those who wield them. At present, both. 
halves are mad, and cach hates the other 
half for being mad. It is absurd that such 
a state of affairs should be prolonged by 
men with any shred of rationality." 

I believe that if either Kennedy or 
Khrushchev were to stand up at a d 
armament conference and make this 
speech, the world would rise to applaud 
him, and the merchants of death who at 
present govern our policies would slink 
away and hide to escape the common de 
testation which they have so amply 
earned, | shall be told that this is a 
foolish v of an alist out of touch 
with reality. Reality, 1 shall be told, is 
corpses. Anything else is an idle dicam 
Perhaps those who say this are right, 
but 1 cannot think so. Í am persuaded 
that one eminent man, whether Russian 
or American, could, given courage and 
eloquence. convert the world to sanity 

nd allow mankind to live in joy rather 
than perish in futile agony. 


Joseph Valachi: | firmly resolve to give 
up the rackets this year and try some 
new occupation; perhaps 1 cam get 
Frank Sinatra to give me singing 
lessons. 


The Saturday Evening Post: We will 
attempt to regain reader interest by 
placing more emphasis on editorial 
material of interest to women and 
leaving football stories and the like to 
Sports Mlustrated. 


John Profumo: In order to retain the 
“common touch” so important in poli- 
tics, I intend to spend more time this 
year mingling with our lower-class 
citizens. 


Governor George Wallace: 1 will find a 
way to focus national attention on Ala- 


bama's fine cduca 


ional system. 


Nelson Rockefeller: In order to insure 
my Republican candidacy for President, 
I will build my public image on the 
theory that “all the world loves a lover." 


Happy Murphy: 1 will do my best to 
make Mrs. Rockefeller Happy. 


Floyd Patterson: | firmly resolve not to 
gamble in Las Vegas. 


Sonny Liston; I intend to smile and 
laugh more, make friends, and be 
thoughtful and unassuming; 1 will try 
to remember it's not whether you win 


or lose that counts, but how you play ` 


ihe game. 


Cassius Clay: 
I'll continue the switch from fighter 
10 poet, 
Since I know it builds up my purse 
It’s the simple trick, for those who 
know it, 
Of going from bad to verse. 


Liz Taylor and Richard Burton: We 
will take adjoining hotel suites in Lon- 
don, since it will save considerable time 
when we have to get together for script 
readings. 


Robert Kennedy: 1 am going to investi- 
gate the Planned Parenthood Associa- 
tion. 


Hugh M. Hefner: 1 believe I will write 
an editorial explaining PrAvsov's phi- 
losophy; I'm sure I can put down what 
I want to say in а single issue, or maybe 
two... 


Jayne Mansfeld: This year 1 intend to 
concentrate on my acting; no more 
cheesecake or other sexy photographs — 
not even for PLAYBOY. 


Nikita Khrushchev: We will have to beg 
off if anyone asks us to make а moon 
шір; we've already got more satellites 
than we can handle. 


Paul Hornung: ! will give up gambling 
before I get into trouble, and I'll lay 
anybody 3-to-1 odds that I can do it. 


Barry Goldwater: 1 will have my den 
redone in walnut; Birch seems to be out 


this year. 


Queen Elizabeth: I will suggest to The 
British Railways that they take a tip 
from American Express and never carry 
more than $50 in cash. 


Chri е Keeler: 1 will cut down оп my 
social life. 


Evgeny Evtushenko: I will write an epic 
poem glorifying the new creative free- 
dom in the U.S.S.R. and dedicate it 
to that patron of the avant-garde arts, 
Premier Khrushchev. 


Frank Sinatra: I'll invite some of my 
pals out to Cal-Neva this year; it should 
be good public relations. 


Mao Tsetung: 1 will lean over back- 
ward in my attempts to achieve peace- 
ful coexistence with those capitalistic 
swine in the Kremlin. 


Harold Macmillan: 1 will press for bet- 
ter terms as a member of the Common 
Market by not appearing too eager when 
De Gaulle invites us to join. 


Sabu: I will make a comeback in showbiz 
as a comedian, but with a new, more 
sophisticated image. After all, no one 
would 


are to hear jokes about elephants. 


playboy presents some famous. folk some firm resolves they might have made last january 


RETROACTIVE NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS 


TRIPLE 
TREAT 


equal parts of schoolgirl, 
bunny and editorial assistant 
make sharon rogers 
a happy blend of playmate 


BEING AN OLD HAND at looking long and 
far for potential Playmates, we're al- 
ways cheered to discover a comely 
young lass close to home, and they 
come no closer than our titian-haired 
Miss January, Sharon Rogers. Sharon 
graces the PLAYBOY scene as a part-time 
editorial assistant whose presence we 
would gladly share from nine to five 
and then some. She has repeatedly de- 
dined our full-time office ofters, how- 
ever, on the unimpeachable grounds 
that additional editorial work would 
encroach on her two other métiers. 
For, besides her afternoons at PLAYBOY, 
multifaceted Sharon is a schoolgirl in 
the mornings and a Bunny evenings 
at Chicago's Playboy Club. 

As a 10-o'clock scholar, our 21-year- 
old Playmate attends school — the pri 


vate secretarial variety— four days a 
week, improving her shorthand and 
typing. She spends afternoons at the 
avnov offices, filing, sorting and locat- 
ing pictures in the extensive PLAYBOY 


photo library, which now includes many 
shots of Sharon herself, Besides her 
pictorial laurels this month, Miss Janu- 
ary made a fetching snow miss as our 
skiclad November cover girl, and also 
appeared in the July Bunny story and 
as the roommate of our November Play- 
mate, Terre Tucker. Terre has since 


Combining handiwork and leg work in 
pleasing proportions our January Play- 
mate brings the poste-up of o future 
issue of PLAYBOY to the editors for 
approval, mokes o most creditoble 
picture when she checks picture credits. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY POMPEO POSAR 


N ` x 


“I can’t ever decide which 

of the three lives I'm living pleases 

me most. Working for PLAYBOY 

is certainly a thrill, because there's 

always something exciting happening 
there, and besides that, it’s interesting and 
carries а little responsibility as well... . 

I always seem to perform better when 

I know people are counting on me.” 


Top left: A photostotic poste-up of guess-who posses Miss January's critical examination. Above right: A picture search in 
the photo library. Above left: Shoron tolks shop with Noncy Ruffolo, executive secretory to Editor-Publisher Hugh M. Hefner 


departed far a New York modeling career, and Sharon now rooms with other Bunnies in the Chicago Bunny dormitory. Here 
Sharon and roommates Linda Castorina and Judy Ryder indulge in their share of late-evening dormitory high jinks, which 
indudes everything from philosophical talk sessions to friendly wrestling. Frolicsome Sharon is five-foot-two with eyes 
of blue, who looks closer to 16 than her actual 21 years. Though she certainly doesn't have time on her hands, in her free 
moments she enjoys Steve McQueen movies, the Bullwinkle show, Ayn Rand, backgammon, and watching sports-car races. 
“I keep busier than most girls I know,” Sharon says, "and I sometimes think I'm just not getting enough sleep. I hate to 
snooze too much, anyway, because when I wake up I just know I've missed something. Besides, I've heard somewhere 
that too much sleep makes you gain weight, and I'm terribly worried I'll get chubby.” Those fears are groundless, for she 
has no trouble getting her petite 35-22-85 form into a Bunny costume. Born in Seattle, Sharon has lived in Chicago long 
enough to call it her home. She nurtures acting ambitions, which is understandable, since she's a second cousin of the 


“Being a Playboy Club Bunny is 

one of the biggest thrills of my life. 
Whenever I'm in the Club, serving guests 
or greeting keyholders, I feel like I'm 
onstage, performing — and I guess 

in a sense I am. In the year I've been 

at The Playboy Club I’ve met nicer 
people than I ever knew befor 

It really has changed my life.” 


Top left: Sharon finds o friendly zipper-upper in o Bunny cohort ot the Chicago Playboy Club. Top right: She provides o 
striking greeting for arriving keyholders. Above left: Graceful Sharon serves a satisfying potable to o grateful guest. 


late Will Rogers. Sharon studied piano as a child, but 
gave it up alter high school. She enjoys “any sort of 
music except hillbilly,” and concedes a special weakness 
for the classical. Listening or playing, her favorite of 
favorites is Rachmaninoffs Rhapsody on a Theme of 
Paganini. She's wild about Wilder — Billy or Thornton — 


and also enjoys steak, chocolate milk shakes, Paul New- 
talk dates over café au lait, and stuffed ani 


which she considers true friends. For a glimpse of Sh 
bearly dressed with a very close friend, vide gatelold. 


Above: Sharon and two of her Bunny roommates shore dormitory girl talk. Below, left: Frolicsome trio conducts some 
lipstick-and-kneecap shenanigans. Below, from left: Roommates Judy Ryder, Sharon, and Lindo Castorina, with friend. 


“I studied piano for ten years, 

but I don’t play much 

anymore. I love music, though, and 
whenever I get depressed, I put 
something bright and cheerful on 
the phonograph. Nothing 

perks me up faster than music 

or joking and kidding 

around with my roommates.” 


хамом SRL 40 ivwiyu қаста уп SSIM 


— M = 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


We know a cool chick who thinks that a pot 
holder is a cigarette case. 


Then there was the college girl who was ex- 
pelled from school for having a record player 
in her room — Ше local disc jockey. 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines fun-loving 
as the only kind there is. 


When a newly bought rooster died after only 
three weeks on the job, the farmer was deter 
mined that the replacement would last a while 
longer, and so, before putting the rooster into 
the hen coop, he dosed it heavily with vita- 
mins and pep pills. The instant the bird was 
released, it charged into the coop and serviced 
every one of the hens therein. Then, before 
the farmer could stop it, it flew over the 
fence, landed beside the pond, and similarly 
serviced the ducks. With the farmer close be- 
hind, it flew into the adjoining coop and pro- 
ceeded to do the same for the geese. At this 
point, the farmer gave up and went back to 
the house, shaking his head and muttering, 
"Hell never last out the day.” Sure enough, 
around sunset the farmer was crossing the 
yard, and there lay the rooster, legs aloft, flat 
on its back, with two hungry buzzards slowly 
circling above his supine body. “Damn it!” 
groaned the farmer. “Now I've got to buy me 
another new rooster!” At which point the 
rooster opened one eye, winked and, pointing 
at the nearing buzzards, said, “Shh!” 


Sign in a pharmacy window: ror THE GIRI 
WHO HAS EVERYTHING — PENICILLIN. 


Then there was the Japanese callgirl who went 
broke because no one had a yen for her. 


Detroit's swankiest watering place had rarely 
seen such excitement as that evening when the 
suavely dressed young man, attired in cape and 
dinner jacket, jumped up from his table and 
proclaime here's five hundred dollars for 
any lady in this place who'll do it my way.” 
Pandemonium reigned and the crowd stood 
aghast as the bartender, maitre de and man- 
ager forcibly ejected the young fellow. He sat 
morosely on the curb in front of the lounge, 
until a beautiful deb type slipped out of the 
door, walked over to him and askcd if his offer 


still held. He said it did, and they promptly 
took a cab to her apartment, There she quickly 
disrobed, got into bed and, as he lay down 
beside her, she asked, “Incidentally, just what 
is your way?” 

“On credit,” he replied. 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines oral con- 
traceptive as the word “No.” 


Police?" came the voice on the phone. "T want 
to report a burglar trapped in an old maid's 
bedroom!” After ascertaining the address, the 
police sergeant asked who was calling. “This,” 
cried the frantic voice, “is the burglar!” 


The voluptuous blonde was chatting with her 
handsome escort in a posh restaurant when 
their waiter, stumbling as he brought their 
drinks, dumped a martini on the rocks down 
the back of the blonde’s dress. She sprang to 
her feet with a shriek, dashed wildly around 
the table, then galloped wriggling from the 
room followed by her distraught boyfriend. 
ап scated on the other side of the room 
a date of his own beckoned to the waiter 
d said, "We'll have two of whatever she was 
drinking.” 


Heard a good one lately? Send it on a postcard 
to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 232 E. Ohio St., 
Chicago, Ш. 60611, and carn $25 for each joke 
used. In case of duplicates, payment is made 
for first card received. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“Young тап, you should be asleep!” 


129 


MANAGERIAL MISFIT 


income taxes— have never béen near 
a college. But they did it mainly by 
pioneering new fields or starting with 
small companies. The settled, large cor- 
poration usually demands а college 
diploma whether the job reasonably re- 
quires it or not. One of the frankest 
explanations for this requirement was 
offered by a president participating in 
a round table on executive potential 
sponsored by the McKinsey Foundation 
for Management Research. He sai 
“We desperately need a means of screen- 
ing. Education is one quick means of 
preliminary screening without having 
to think too much about it.” 

My diplomas were mislaid many years 
ago, but at any rate 1 could probably 
prove 1 had received them; and further- 
more, one of them was from Columbia, 
which technically is an Ivy League insti- 
tution, though not as closely identified 
in the business mind with Ivy League as 
Harvard, Princeton and Yale. In the 
minds of most corporate screeners, an 
Ivy League diploma looms as a solid 
plus factor (and for some it is a must). 

So much for the preliminary screening. 
"These facts cited — that I happen to be 
a male, college-diplomacd WASP — leave 
me still in the running, although they 
would knock out 97 percent of the adult 
population of the United States, or at 
least create great difficulty for them at 
many major corporations. 

Appearances also count a great deal in 
executive selection and here, too, І could. 
probably get by. In physical appearance 
1 lack the taut look that is prized, but 
my physical dimensions are at least ac- 
ceplable. At 5/0" and 182 pounds (in 
my shorts before breakfast), Гш a bit on 
the short, robust side for executives. The 
streamlined six footers are frequently 
prelerred, and often specified, especially 
in marketing positions. However, I'm 
not so short or plump that I would be 
positively handicapped. 

Still, despite all these surface assets 
working in my favor, 1 know that if I 
found myself inside a good-size corpora- 
tion as an aspiring manager, my pros- 
pects of geuing ahead would be dim 
indeed. 1 would be classified No Go 
rather than Go on the colored organi- 
zation charts the consultants like to draw 
op to show at a glance whether a man 
should be upgraded, viewed with cau- 
tion or downgraded. 1 would not be 
(тей a “successful package," to 
one of the favorite phrases of ap- 

praisal specialists. I would not be an 
“earmarked man,” to use another phrase. 
One piece of evidence is that I flunked 

the егу of psychological tests de- 
signed to screen executive potential. 
‘They were comparable to the tests most 

young aspiring executives must now take 

130 àt some point before or alter employ- 


PLAYBOY 


(continued from page 114) 


ment. As a polite gesture, the testers 
told me that they would assume from 
my record as an author that I was accept- 
ably bright and so would excuse me from 
the usual speed tests in skill with words, 
fluency in handling ideas and reasoning 
via arithmetic, ete. 

1 have had reservations even about 
the usefulness of intelligence tests since 
my own early experience in finding that 
two LQ. soundings made on me within 
a five-year period were 34 points apart. 
The fact is, however, that the aspiring 
executive today must love to take psycho- 
logical tests of all kinds, or at least lcarn 
to be highly facile at taking them and 
not freeze during test-taking. (1 used to 
develop bladder pains during test- 
taking.) 

The tests 1 took were primarily to see 
if I had an executive-type personality, 
and several were of the projective type. 
Psychologist John Dollard of Yale com- 
mented this past year: “There may be 
exceptions unknown to me but, gener- 
ally speaking, projective tests, trait scales, 
имеген inventories or depth interviews 
are not proved to be useful in selecting 
executives, or salesmen, or potential de- 
linquents or superior college students.” 

In any case, one test of my executive 
personality was a request that I draw a 
picture of а woman. Perhaps І should 
not confess this, but I had not attempted 
to draw a picture of a woman (or almost 
anything clse) for at least 25 years. I 
approached the challenge most cav- 
tiously and ended up with a dumpy- 
looking matron. The lines of my drawing 
were not aggressively rendered, which 
(I learned later) suggested I probably 
was not responding as a true executive 
should. It is possible that 1 also lost 
ground by putting clothes on my woman. 
Some psychological testers believe that a 
real exeautive-to-be will, when asked to 
draw a woman, draw a nude girl. 

I was asked іп another question what 
I would do if I were in the basement of 
a theater and found that a fire had broken 
out. There were four actions to choose 
from. I checked, “Endeavor to extinguish 
1 should have checked, “Notify the 
management.” It did not say how big 
the fire was. which exasperated me at the 
time, because І had once had а small 
fire in the kitchen curtains of a rented 
ariment that might have gouen dear 
out of control if I had rushed out to 
search for the superintendent instead of 
tearing down the curtains and stamping 
out the fire. But my response to the 
question, I gathered, was one more indi- 
cation that I might be too individualistic 
in my responses to be classiñed as execu 
tive material. 

In the tests 1 was being appraised for 
a specific opening as a marketing execu- 
tive with a cosmetics company. One 


question on my sales judgment was based 
on this situation: “You've made a presen- 
tation and your man is ready to bw 
How big an order should you ask for?" 
1 responded by checking "Just enough 
not to scare him off.” It was such 
responses — instead of the "correct" so- 
lution, "Twice what you expect to get" 
— that put me in the bottom 20 percent 
on sales judgment. 

One of my most scrious shortcomings, 
I gathered, was that 1 scribbled my 
answers rather untidily, which appar- 
ently indicated to the assessors that I was 
not as orderly in my habits as an ideal 
execuüve is assumed to be. 

The probers sought to find if I was 
dangerously neurotic by inviting me to 
check from a long list things that 
bothered me. Presumably 1 would have 
been viewed as a most dubious risk if 
I had checked either "germs" or "my 
enemies" as things that bothered me. 

In another test I was invited to pro- 
ject my personality by explaining what 
I saw in a vague, murky picture printed 
on the form. Successíul marketers, I 
understand, will usually see such pictures 
— common in psychological testing — in 
upbeat terms. They will sec a man look- 
ing at smokestacks as a man visualizing 
opportunity rather than as a man gloom- 
ily contemplating a disturbing problem. 

1 was also invited to check from a long 
list of occupations the roles that would 
particularly appeal to me. This is some- 
times called an interest inventory. The 
good executive type sees these as а 
chance to indicate his love for running 
things and to follow practical pursuits 
rather than artistic or idealistic ones, 1 
checked “Be a U.S. Senator," which 1 
assumed was a reasonable, if ambiguous, 
response. At any rate, it was an honest, 
if unre: іс, опе. 

As aspiring executives are схрозей to 
more and more testing and come to sense 
the appropriate responses, the testers 
seck more ingenious ways to make their 
testing at least cheatproof. This explains 
the recent effort to attain more " 
in probing, which can be d. 
unfair to aspirants, especially if the re- 
sults are scored by people who are not 
fully qualified clinical psychologists. One 
efort at achieving a cheatproof test із 
to conlront the testee with a so-called 
forced-choice test, The two alternatives 
could be equally reasonable in some situ- 
ations, but your response supposedly 
reveals patterns that are assumed to be 
significant for the job in question. In 
опе such test an applicant for an adver 
using job had little trouble guessing 
what the correct answer should be. Uhe 
testee was forced to choose between 
these two possibilities: 

1. I like to keep my desk 

dean. 

2. 1 like to kiss members of the oppo 

(continued on page 208) 


eat and 


how а uniquely american art form relates to the negro's fight for his rights 
soliloguy By JAMES BALDWIN 


THE Trrtg, The Uses of the Blues, does not refer to music; I don't know anything about music. It does refer to the 
experience of life, or the state of being, out of which the blues come. Now. 1 am daiming a great deal for the blues: 
I'm using them as a metaphor — I might have titled this, (or example, The Uses of Anguish or The Uses of Pain. But 


I want to talk about the blues, not only because they speak of this particular experience of life and this state of being, 


but because they contain the toughness that manages to make this experience articulate. 1 am engaged, then, in a discussion 
of craft or, to use a very dangerous word, art. And I want to suggest that the acceptance of this anguish one finds in the 
blues, and the expression of it, creates also, however odd this may sound, а kind of joy. Now joy is a tue state, it is a 
reality; it has nothing to do with what most people have in mind when they talk of happiness, which is not a real state 
and does not really exist. 


Consider some of the things the blues are about. They're about work, love, death, floods, lynchings; in fact, a series 


of disasters which can be summed up under the arbitrary heading, “Facts of Life.” Bessie Smith, who is dead now, 


came out of somewhere in the Deep South. I guess she was born around 1898, a great blues singer; 


died in Mississippi 
after a very long, hard— not very long, but very hard —life: pigs feet and gin, many disastrous lovers, and a carcer 
that first went up, then went down; died on the road on the way from one hospital to another. She was in an automobile 
accident and one of her arms was wrenched out of its socket: and because the hospital attendants argued whether or 
not they could let her in because she was colored, she died. Not a story Horatio Alger would write. Well, Bessie saw a 


great many things and among those things was a flood. And she talked about it and she said, 
the skies turned dark as night" and she repeated it: "It rained five days and the skies turned dark as night." Then, 


It rained five days and 


“Trouble take place in the lowlands at night.” And she went on: “Then it thundered and lightnin'd and the wind 
began to blow/Then it thundered and lightnin'd and the wind began to blow/There's thousands of people ain't got 


іс way: “Backwater 


no place to go.” As the song makes clear, she was one of those people. But she ended in а fantas 


blues done caused me to pack my things and go/Because my house fell down/And I can't live there по mo’ 

Billie Holiday came along a little later and she had quite a story. too, a story which Life magazine would never 
print except as a tough, bittersweet sob-story obituary — in which, however helplessly, the dominant note would be relief 
She was a little girl from the South, and she had quite a time with gin, whiskey and dope. She died in New York in 


a narcotics ward under the most terrifying and — in terms of crimes of the city and the country against her — disgraceful 


circumstances, and she had something she called Billie's Blues: 


Му man wouldn't give me no dinner/Wouldn’t give me no 
supper/Squawked about my supper and turned me outdoors/And had the nerve to lay a padlock on my clothes/1 didn't 
have so many, but I had a long, long way to go. 


And one more, one more—Bessic Smith had a song called Gin House Blues. It's another kind of blues, aud 


maybe 1 should explain this to you —a Negro has his difficult days, the days when everything has gone wrong and on 
top of it, he has a fight with che elevator man, or the taxi driver, or somebody he never saw before, who seems to decide 
to prove he’s white and you're black. But this particular Tuesday it's more than you сап take— sometimes, you know, 
you can take it, But Bessie didn't this time, and she sat down in the gin house and sang: "Don't try me, nobody / Cause 
you will never міп/ГІ fight the Army and the Navy/Just me and my gin.” 


Well, you know, that is all very accurate, all very concrete. 1 know, 1 watched, 1 was there. You've seen these black 


men and women, these boys and girls; you've seen them on the streets. But 1 know what happened to them at the factory, 


at work. at home, on the subway, what they go through in a day. and the way they sort of ride with it. And its very, very tricky. 


131 


PLAYBOY 


Ivy kind of a fantastic tightrope. They 
y be very self-controlled, very civi- 
lized; I like to think of myself as being 
very civilized and  self-controlled, but 
1 know Im not. And I know that some 
improbable Wednesday, for no reason 
whatever, the clevator man or the 
doorman, the policeman or the land- 
lord, or some little boy from the Bronx 
will say something, and it will be the 
wrong day to say it, the wrong moment 
to have it said to me; and God knows 
what will happen. I have seen it all, 1 
have seen that much. What the blues are 
describing comes out of all this. 

Gin House Blues is a real gin house. 
Backwater Flood is a real flood. When 
Billie says, “My man don't love me," 
she is not making a fantasy out of it. 
This is what happened, this is where it 
is. This is what it is. Now, I'm trying to 
suggest that the triumph here — which is 
a very un-American triumph—is that 
the person to whom these things hap- 
pened watched with eyes wide open, 
saw it happen. So that when Billie or 
Bessie or Leadbelly stood up and sang 
about it, they were commenting on it, 
a little bit outside it: they were accept- 
ing it. And there's something funny — 
there's always something a little funny 
in all our disasters, if one can face the 
disaster. So that it's this passionate de- 
tachment, this inwardness coupled with 
outwardness, this ability to know that, 
All right it's а mess, and you can't do 
anything about it . . . so, well, you have 
to do something about it. You can't 
stay there, you can't drop dead, you 
can't give up, but all right, OK, as Bessie 

id: “Picked up my bag, baby, and I 
tried it again." "This made life, however 
horrible that life was, bearable for her. 
It's what makes life bearable for апу 
person, because every person, everybody 
born, from the time he's found ont 
about people until the whole thing is 
Over is certain of one thing: he is going 
to sulter. There is no way not to sulter. 

Now, this brings us to two things. It 
brings us to the American Мерто% ex- 
perience of life, and it brings us to the 
American dream or sense of life. It 
would be hard to find any two things 
more absolutely opposed. 1 want to 
make it clear that when I talk about 
Negroes in this context I am not talking 
about race; I don't know what race 
means. 1 am talking about a social fact. 
When I say Negro, it is a digression; it 
is important to remember that I am not 
talking about a people. but a person. I 
am talking about a man who, let's say, 
was once 17 and who is now, let's say, 
10, who has four children and can't feed 


them, I am talking about what happens 
to that man in this time and during this 
chort. I'm talking about what happens 


то you il, having barely escaped suicide, 
or death, or madness, or yourself, you 


132 Watch your children growing up and no 


matter what you do, no matter what you 
do. you are powerless, you are really 
powerless, against the force of the world 
that is out to tell your child that he has 
no right to be alive. And no amount of 
liberal jargon, and no amount of talk 
about how well and how far wc have 
progressed, does anything to soften or to 
point out any solution to this dilemma. 
In every generation, ever since Negroes 
have been here, every Negro mother and 
father has had to face that child and 
try to create in that child some way of 
surviving this particular world, some 
way to make the child who will be de- 
spised, not despise himself. 1 don't know 
what the Negro problem means to white 
people, but this is what it means to 
Negroes. Now, it would seem to me, 
since this is so. that one of the reasons 
we talk about the Negro problem in the 
way we do is in order precisely to avoid 
any knowledge of this fact. Imagine 
Doris Day trying to sing: 
Papa may have, Mama may have 
But God bless the child that's got 
his own. 


People talk to me absolutely bathed 
in а bubble bath of self-congratulation. 
I mean, I walk into a room and everyone 
there is terribly proud of himself be- 
cause I managed to get to the room. It 
proves to him that he is getting better. 
It’s funny, but it's terribly sad. It's sad 
that one needs this kind of corrobora- 
tion and it's terribly sad that one can be 
so selfdeluded. The fact that Harry 
Belafonte makes as much money as, let's 
say, Frank Sinatra, doesn't really mean 
anything in this context. Frank can 
still get a house anywhere, and Harry 
can't. People go to see Harry and stand 
in long lines to watch him. They love 
him onstage, or at a cocktail party, but 
they don" want him to marry their 
daughters. "This has nothing to do with 
Harry; this has everything to do with 
America. АН right. Therefore, when we 
talk about what we call the Negro prob- 
lem we are simply evolving means of 
ing the facts of this life. Because in 

to face the facts of a life like 
Billie's or, for that matter, a life like 
mine, one has got to—the American 
white has got to—accept the fact that 
what he thinks he is, he is not. He has 
to give up, he has to surrender his image 
of himself and, apparently, this is the 
last thing white Americans are prepared 
to do. 

But anyway, not a question now 
of accusing the white American of crimes 
against the Negro. It is too late for that. 
is irrelevant. Injusti 


gs happen 
all the time and re. There is 
al ' for it. People will always 
give themselves reasons for it. What Tm 
much more concerned about is what 


white Americans have done io them. 
selves; what has been done to me is 
irrelevant simply because there is noth- 
ing more you can do to me. But, 
doing it, you've done something to your- 
self. In evading my humanity, you 
have done something to your own hu- 
manity. We all do this all the time, of 
course. One labels people; one labels 
them Jew, one labels them fascist, 
one labels them Communist, one labels 
them Negro, one labels them white 
man. But in the doing of this, you have 
not described anything — you have not 
described me when you call me a nigger 
or when you call me a Negro leader. 
You have only described yourself. What 
1 think of you says шөге about mc than 
it can possibly say about you. This is a 
very simple law and every Negro who 
intends to survive has to learn it very 
soon. Therefore, the Republic, among 
other things, has managed to create a 
body of people who have very little to 
lose, and there is nothing more danger- 
ous in any republic, any state, any 
country, any time, than men who have 
nothing to lose. 

Because you have thus given him his 
freedom, the American Negro can do 
whatever he wills; you can no longer do 
anything to him. He doesn't want any- 
thing you've got, he doesn’t believe any- 
thing you say. I don't know why and I 
don't know how America arrived at this 
peculiar point of view. If one examines 
American history, there is no apparent 
reason for it. It's a bloody history, as 
bloody as everybody else's history, as de- 
luded, as fanatical. Onc has only to look. 
at it from the time we all got here. Look 
at the Pilgrims, the Puritans — the peo- 
ple who presumably fled oppression in 
Europe only to set up a more oppressed 
society here — people who wanted frec- 
dom, who killed off the Indians. Look at 
all the people moving into a new cra, 
and enslaving all the blacks. These are 
the facts of American history as opposed 
10 the legend. We came from Europe, 
wc came from Africa. we came from all 
over the world. We brought whatever 
was in us from China or from Francc. 
We all brought it with us. We were not 
transformed when we crossed the occan. 
Something else happened. Something 
much more serious. We no longer had 
any way of finding out, of knowing who 
we were. 

Many people have said im 
tones of voice, meaning various things, 
that the most unlucky thing that hap- 
pened in America was the presence of 
the Negro. Freud said, in a kind of rage, 
that the black race was the folly of 
d that it served Ameri 
right. Well, of course, 1 don't q 
know what Freud had in mind. But I 
see that. in one way, it may have 
n the most unlucky thing that hap- 

(continued on page 240) 


ious 


America 


THE VARGAS CIRI + RCA 1926 
f ШШ PORTFOLIO H Ш FAVORITE ma OF THE AMERICAN ІШІ 


RUTH FALLOWS 1925 


FLUE CHAIR" 1920 


+ sowe PERIOD between Pocahontas and Marilyn Monroe, American woman- 
hood became the Western World's ideal of feminine beauty. No small role 

in this focusing of romanticaesthetic appreciation was played by one man, a man 
whose artistry, meticulous craftsmanship and warmth of spirit have been uniquely 
coupled with creative energy and prolific output. For almost half a century, Alberto 
Vargas has been glorifying the American female as no other artist has ever done — 
and he's still going strong, as PLAYBoY readers can testify each month. Even as 
far back as 1943, Life magazine could say of him, "In his 20-year carver he has 
drawn more than 25,000 beautiful women.” This would be а prodigious accom- 


ANNA MAE CLIFT 1920 


SHIRLEY VERNON 1927 
plishment for a quick-sketch artist, but for a man whose canvases capture beauty — line by carefully constructed line — the 
feat seems hard to believe. 

We visited Vargas last summer in his California home, where he now devotes his talents to turning out one of PLAYBOY'S 
highlights, the monthly Vargas drawing. Doing a leisurely 12 girls per year is a far cry from the hectic output of his earlier 
Esquire tenure, when Vargas drew not only 36 girls a year for that periodical, but — patriotic new American that he 
was — a beautiful “mascot” for any military unit that asked for one, a deed that raised many a serviccman's morale during 
World War Il. If you add to this his designing of Vargas Girl playing cards and his countless commercial illustrations for 
magazines, marquees and billboards, the fact that he didn’t simply burn up from his own energies is a wonder of the age. 


p Qe ee 


HELEN HENDERSON 1926 


MARIE PREVOST 1921 


During our visit he showed us some of the 
artwork he had done at the start of his career 
in this country, for The Ziegfeld Follies. It 
was so thoroughly charming that we deter- 
mined, as a special bonus for our readers in 
this Tenth Anniversary Issue, to offer this 
portfolio of Vargas Girls of the Twenties, 
and to tell you something of this man who — 
though his work has been internationally 
renowned — has had little of his own history 
brought before the public. 

The son of a wealthy photographer in 
Lima, Peru, Alberto Vargas had gone, while 
in his teens, to Europe to learn the intricacies 
ot photographic technique. There, however, 
he found his interests gravitating away from 
the simple capturing of a likeness on film, 
toward the more demanding art of painting 
Going beauty (continued on page 194) 


GLADYS LOFTUS 192 


Г) 
94 
%9 
mu 
-14 
4> 


“Can I help it if he's a watchdog?” 


THE VERY ACME OF 
ROMANTIC LOVE 


his noble suffering stirred her 
passion—only after he was 
no longer capable of ardor 


allegory By WOLF MANKOWITZ 


A GENILEMAN walked beside a river 
with his mistress. He was melancholy 
and silent, for he knew that something 
was expected of him: but it was difficult 
to speak because the lady stepped lightly 
beside him with an inscrutable and 
serene expression upon her face as if 
he were not there. Sometimes he sus- 
pected that in his absence she gave way 
to unbounded delight, although it was 
well understood between them that they 


His unhappiness increased and it be- 
came more and more necessary for the 
gentleman to speak. They app 
in the river and he turne 
* dear, 1 would gladly jump 
into that river to prove the heat of my 
love for you.” And he strode gravely to 
the riverbank and jumped in. 

When he returned, wet and shiver- 
ing, to her side, his eyes implored some 
d the lady, rising to his 
: “I admire the courage 
with which you get yourself wet through 
on a rela- (concluded on page 197) 


143 


m | Í 


CLAP HANDS: a need for nonverbal communication CHEEKSY-WEEKSY: war paint for patsy-watsy 


KISS & TELL: partner picking by buss LAP SITTING: in these circles, a wrong move makes a fall guy 


MIX & MATCH: a swinging switch on cinderella DRAWN CHARADES: a contest ’twirt two loose lautrecs 


HANDCUFFS: the triekiest of ties that bind 


Pa sasa ene give a party without playing games. 

Wingdings with no more aim than to bring people to- 
gether, ply them with refreshments and leave them to their 
own devices have sometimes turned out to be fun, but simply 
gambling that everyone will have a ball at such a gathering 
is a chancy business at best. The host who wants his parties 
joyfully anticipated and reluctantly departed plots his 
guests’ amusement in advance. 

(This is not to be interpreted as an endorsement of the 
whistle-blowing “It’s nine-thirty! Everybody stop! Now we're 
going to play the next вате!" approach to supervised play. 
If you've planned six games for an evening, and everyone 
is having so much fun with game number three that they 
don’t want to quit, forget the remaining trio. You're a suc- 
cess already; why spoil it?) 

The following games can be played with suitable varia- 
tions on rules, prizes and penalties, at the host's discretion, 
and depending upon how well the guests know one another, 
or how well lubricated their party spirits become. 

Games fall into five categories, and the first category — a 


FUN and 
GAMES 


icebreakers, 
crowd pleasers 
and 
laugh getters 
for 


confirmed gambolers 


must in party gamesmanship— is Icebreakers. These are 
warm-up games, useful at the start of any party, but par- 
ticularly helpful when some of the guests don't know onc 
another well enough to relax and have a good time. Any 
of the following should serve to put even the most recal- 
citrant Joner into a convivial party mood. 


ma-na — Everyone stretches out supine on the floor, with 
each man's head resting on a woman's stomach, and cach 
woman's head оп a man’s stomach. At a signal from the 
host, everyone says “Ha-ha-ha-ha.” With their heads boune 
ing merrily on the shaking tummies, the guests’ laughter 
soon becomes genuine, with most of them eventually break- 
ing out in what are appropriately called “belly laughs.” 


Lap srrrINC— Girls form a circle and the men a surrounding 
circle, each man standing bchind his date. At a signal from 
the host, girls begin circling to their right, men to their 
left; at the next signal, from wherever they are now lo- 
cated, partners must rush to find each other, at which 


145 


PLAYBOY 


time the men squat to form "laps" on 
which the girls must sit. Last couple to 
do so is eliminated, and the circling be- 
gins anew, until one couple remains. 
Prizes for the winners. 


WALLOON GAME — This can be played by 
everyone at once or by one couple at a 
time (in which case the efforts must be 
timed). Each man faces his date, and a 
large balloon is placed between them. 
First (or fastest, if this is timed for each 
couple) pair to break the balloon by 
sheer body pressure wins. Last (or slow- 
est) couple must chugalug their drinks. 


maNpcurss — Pair off couples. Each man 
is handcuffed with the ends of a three- 
foot string tied to his wrists. Women are 
similarly handcuffed. with their sti 
passed behind the men's, so that partners 
are linked. Object: Get free without un- 
doing knots removing wrist loops or 
breaking string. All start at а given sig- 
nal and the resulting contortions will 
raze any remaining shyness among the 
guests, Secret: Pass the two-foot section 
through either of the partner's wrist 
loops (from the forearm side) and over 
the hand. Last couple free pays a forfcit. 

Even with the ice broken, the night is 
still young, and the host knows that at- 
tempting to bring everyone into a game 
at once may still be a bit premature; 
glasses might have to be refilled a few 
more times before mast of the guests 
become carefree enough to start showing 
some competitive spirit. These next 
games, therefore, are in the Spectators’ 
Delight category; a relatively small num- 
ber of people will be doing the playing, 
while the others have simply to watch 
and enjoy the fun. 


KISS а TELL — Choose one man, blind- 
fold him and place him in the center of 
the room. He is then kissed by three 
different girls in succession, one of whom 
is his date. The girls don't speak, and 
the gentleman must pick out his part 
ner. Successful guessers may win a prize. 


curss wno — Take the men into another 
room. Blindfold one of them. In the 
meantime, one of the women has been 
selected and blindfolded. Now 
everyone together again. The blind- 
folded pair, placed in the center of the 
room, must guess cach other's identity 
by touch alone. Of course, no speaking 
or sounds allowed, from either the cou- 
ple or surrounding guests. When a player 
feels he knows his partner, he says who 
it is. If correct, he gets a point; if not, 
it makes it that much easier for the 
other blindfoldee to guess his name. 
Guessing continues until someone is 
identified, then the game starts again 
with two new players. The group (men 
or women) having the least number of 


146 points at end of game loses, and must 


chugalug their drinks, or winning group. 
can be given prizes. 


ADAM а EVE — The guests form a circle, 
with one man and one woman in the 
center as Adam and Eve. Adam is blind- 
folded and tries to find Eve by call 
“Evel” to which she must answer “ 
Tam, Adam!" When he hears the mati 
call, the man attempts to grab the рїп, 
who tries to dodge him. Byplay continues 
against a one-minute time limit. 1f Adam 
catches Eve, he can remove his blind- 
fold and choose another man to take his 
place. If he fails, the girl chooses an- 
other Eve. No matter who wins each 
round, the blindfold changes from man 
to woman cach time, so that Eve always 
chases Adam after he has chased Eve. 


CLAP HANDS— A guest is chosen to be rr 
and is sent out of the room. Then every- 
one agrees on something for rr to do. 
(Examples: Take the ashtray from the 
coffee table, empty it into the fireplace 
and place it on the host's head. Or, kiss a 
particular girl on the cheek, pick her 
up, carry her around the couch and 
deposit her another guests lap.) 
Once the action is chosen, rr is called 
back into the room and told that the 
guests will tell him what to do by the 
tempo and volume of their clapping. 
They begin to do so, rhythmically and 
uictly. The one who is rr moves around 
imlessly, and every time a random move 
or gesture approaches the desired ac- 
tion, the clapping increases in tempo and 
volume. A wrong move and the dapping 
slows and becomes fainter. After he has 
completed his assignment, another rr is 
chosen. At end of game, the one per- 
forming in the shortest time wins; slow- 
est must pay a forfeit. 

"There may still be some guests hold- 
ing back from wholehearted entry into 
the games. To warm up those not quite 
filled with group spirit as yet, you can 
try Team Competition; guests who might 
have avoided other forms of play won't 
want to be called poor sports by team- 
mates. Also, with teams chosen, they are 
less likely to be able to subvert anyone 
else into joining them as nonparticipants. 


DRAWN cmanapes— Three pencils and 
three pads of paper are needed. The 
host selects one person from each team 
and hands each a pad and pencil. Then, 
so that they alone can observe, he writes 
а word, a phrase or сусп a scutence 
on the third pad. At a signal, the two 
return to their teams and draw a pic- 
ture which — actually ог symbolically — 
gives teammates a clue to what has been 
written. First team to shout the correct 
nswer wins; losers must chugalug their 
drinks. Then another person from each 
team is chosen and the game proceeds. 
The host may start out with simple sub- 
jects, such as “train” or “ice-cream cone,” 
but soon thereafter can move on to 


trickier ones like "slaughter" or “gal 
lop.” or even into the realm of abstract 
concepts on the order of “justice” or 
“malice.” You'll find that everyone wants 
more than one turn at this and no 
prizes will be necessary, since it is likely 
to continue till the paper runs out. 


LIFE SAVER GAME — Alternate , boy, 
girl, boy, ete, on cach team, in two 
lines side by side. Each player is pro- 
vided with a toothpick to be held in his 
mouth, and on the toothpick of the 
first person in each line is placed a candy 
Life Saver. The idea is to pass the Life 
Saver from toothpick to toothpick with- 
out using the hands or dropping the 
Life Saver. The first team managing to 
get the Life Saver down the entire line 
and back again wins. (This can also be 
played without teams: Guests form a 
circle and pass the Life Saver around. 
Whenever someone drops the candy, he 
must down his drink.) 


ORANGE GAME—Similar to Life Saver 
Game, but in this, an orange is passed. 
No use of hands allowed, the orange 
g held between chin and chest of 
the first player, and gotten hold of in 
the same manner by the next in line. 
Considerable body contact is inevitable, 
which is, of course, the game's charm. 


HONEYMOON — Props needed here: a small 
suitcase, a nightgown, pajamas and а 
bed. At a signal, a couple takes the 
nightie and pajamas, throws them into 
the bag, runs to the bedroom, puts the 
pajamas and nightgown on over their 
clothing (in sophisticated circles, they're 
sometimes put on in place of outer gar- 
ments), hops into bed, removes the pa- 
jamas and nightgown from each other, 
repacks, and returns to the starting 
point. Then a couple from the other 
team goes, and so on. Couples are timed, 
with suitable prizes for the lowest score. 


WATER BALL — If the party is at poolside, 
divide into teams, women on onc sidc, 
men on the other, each man opposite 
his date. Hand each girl a balloon filled 
with water. At a signal from the host, 
the girls all toss their balloons to the 
men; at another signal, the men toss 
them back. Then teams must step one 
pace farther apart, and the throws back 
and forth are repeated. And so on, until 
one couple remains with balloon intact. 
(Note: Couples who are eliminated early 
may want a second chance; the pi 
a new balloon is downing their drinks.) 
At this point, you are ready to begin 
the Entire Group category, because any 
ice not already broken just won't break. 
and at least you now have some ready. 
made exclusions from your next guest 
list. You can get rid of the party poopers 
on the spot, however, with the first of 

the following gaines. 
(continued on page 223) 


PLAYBOY 


FOX HUNTING 


would not have been beuer for a dose 
of cyanide, or a dagger of Oriental de- 
gn inserted between the fourth and 
fifth ribs. 


nes called che un- 
speakable in pursuit of the uneatable, 
though it may survive in odd spots. is 
for all practical purposes a thing of the 
past. There has not been a hunting joke 
in Punch for years, and there used to be 
one every week, and pretty awful they 
were, too. They generally showed the 
Cockney sportsman getting into difficul- 
ties of some kind or doing something 
contrary to hunt etiquette like shoutin 
"Hark forard" when he should have 
been shouting "Yoicks." Punch was al- 
ways very humorous about the Cockney 
sportsman. 

The literature of hunting has also pe- 
tered out. There was a time, notably in 
the Victorian era, when whole stacks of 
novels with a hunting interest hit the 
bestseller lists Robert ith Surtees 
(1805-1864), author of Mr. Facey Rom- 
Гота Hounds, Mr. Sponge’s Sporting 
Tour and other works, wrote of nothing 
сіне. But the demand for these chronicles 
ceased abruptly many years ago. A Sur- 
tees wri y and mailing his efforts 
to publishers would simply be wasting 
postage. About the only relics of hunting 
that have survived into a more enlight- 
encd age are the hunting song and the 
bunt ball, and it should not be long 
before wise legislation prohibits these. 

Hunting songs nearly always begin 
“Hullo, hullo, hullo, hullo,” and it 
only when you get well into the refrain 
that you realize that the singer is not 
telephoning and, owing to a faulty line, 
having some dificulty in establishing 
connection with his baby or his honcy 
or his old-fashioned mammy or whoever 
it is he is trying to get on the wire. And 
even when this does not happen, the 
hunting song is very hard to bear. No- 
body who has heard a bevy of fox hunt- 
“D'ye ken John PeeD”, cach 
in a different key, can ever be quite 
the same again. 

The hunt ball is perhaps an even 
worse aflliction. "The advice 1 would give 
to every young man starting out in life 
is never to get mixed up in one. The 
ballroom on the night of a hunt ball is 
no place for weaklings. The dancers pre- 
fer energy to finesse. Fred Astaire would 
«ut a poor figure at one of these 
but any member of the front line 
of the Francisco 49er or thc 
Green. Bay Packers would be in ele- 
ment, for what goes on at a hunt ball 
is not so much dancing as bucking the 
с, and a partner not so much a part 


ner as a battering ram or a guided 
sile. 1t was while atte 
that the man who 


nvented tanks got 


180 his great idea. 


(continued from page 147) 


It was not for a long time that fox 
hunting reached the hunting-song and 
huntball stage of popula 
many epidemics it started in quite a 
small way. According to the encyclope- 
dia to which 1 occasionally turn to polish 
up my information on the few things I 
do not already know all about, it was 
the invention of several men including. 
Thomas Boothby and William Draper, 
who were around and about in the lauer 
part of the 17th Century and the first 
part of the 18th Century. The encyclo- 
pedia tells us nothing of a talk between 
these two pioneers which might have 
led up to their momentous decision to 
pursue the fox, but it is not difficult to 
reconstruct the scene. A litle imagina- 
tion is all that is required. 

I picture them having a snootful in 
the bar parlor of the Beetle and Wedge 
Inn at Lower Smatiering on the Wissel, 
Shropshire—or Salop, as they called it 
in their whimsical way. They had spent 
the afternoon hawking and had not en- 
joyed themselves. It would be too much, 
perhaps, to describe them as disgruntled, 
but they were certainly far from being 
gruntled. Both felt that they had had all 
the hawking they needed. 

Hawking, or falconry, was the only 
sport open in those days to anyone who 
wanted to kill something, as every red- 
blooded Englishman did. It consisted of 
attaching a hawk to one’s wrist with a 
string and sauntering along until one 
saw a pigeon and then untying the 
string, whereupon the hawk would fly 
up and disintegrate the pigcon. It would 
then return to its base and you would 
go rolling along till you saw another 
pigeon, when the same routine would 
be gone through. It sounds silly, and it 
was silly, but everybody was doing it and 
whole book of rules that you 
rn, besides a lot of technical 
expressions like cere, brail, creance, 
frounce, jonk, panel, ramage, secling, 
mantling and raking out 

‘There were other drawbacks as well. 
You might quite easily find yourself 
handicapped out of the game from the 
start, for hawks, we read, were allotted 
to degrees and orders of men according 
to rank and station — for instance, to 
royalty the gyrfalcon, to earls the pere- 
grine, to yeomen the goshawk and "to 
а knave or servant the useless kestrel.” 

This had been going on for centuries, 
and by the time "Thomas Boothby and 
William Draper came along a certain 
ennui had begun to manifest itself. 
Thinking men were asking themselves it 
they were not saps to go to all the 
trouble and expense of the thin 
the hawk had all the fun and 
prietor was merely someone we noticed 
among those present. Pictures in the 
illustrated papers of someone hawki 


were often captioned “Hawk and 
Friend,” and this gave considerable of- 
fense. Thomas Boothby and Wi 
Draper felt particularly strongly on the 
subject, because they had been lumped 
together under the heading of “Кпаусв” 
and given kestrels. Boothby put their 
case rather well after he had downed 
three or four Hagons of malvoisie. 

“You know what we are, Bill?” he 
said, his face flushed and his articulation 
somewhat blurred. “I'll tell you what 
we are, Bill. We're just supers support- 
ing the star. Who gets the applause and 
takes the bows? You? Me? No, sir, the 
hawk. We're just the ground crew, we're 
straight men for blasted birds, that's 
what we are, ВШ. Is that a system?” 

“I couldn't agree with you more," 
said Draper. “And the expense of it all. 

"Hawking's a pain in the neck. I'm 
fed up with it." 

"Me, too. On the other hand," said 
m Draper, who was a thoughtful, 
ded man, "you have to look at 
these things from every angle, and 
there's no denying that when you hawk, 
something gets killed. It makes me ner- 
vous not to be killing things, and I don’t 
sce how you're going to do it unless you 
hawk. What clse is there to kill if you 
don't kill pigeons?” 

"The conversation had reached the ex- 
act point to which Thomas Boothby had 
been leading it He helped himself to 
another flagon of malvoisie. 

“Foxes,” he said. “You ever met a 
fox?” 

“Not socially. I've seen them aroun 

“Well, from now on you 
going to hunt them.” 

“What, on foot? 

“No, we'll ride.” 

“On horses?” 

“That's the idea.” 

William Draper considered this. An 
objection occurred to him. 

“But suppose you fall off and the fox 
turns and snaps at you? Might give you 
а nasty sore place.” 

“We'll be protected. We'll collect a lot 
of dogs and send them on in front.” 

“They run after the fox?” 

“That's right.” 

“But how do they know which way 
to go?" 

“The s guides them. You sce, the 
fox isn't aware of it, for his best friends 
won't tell him, but he suffers from 
В.О. You can smell him a mile off. The 
dogs get one whiff and they're after him 
like bats out of hell, with us after 


ing бге, “1 believe you've got something. 
And so fox hunting started їп Eng- 
lan 


It was slow going at first. Nobody is 
morc conservative than your Englishman, 
(concluded on page 198) 


THE DEATH OF BOXING? 


а knowledgeable ringsider offers am unsentimental eulogy to a moribund sport 


article By BUDD SCHULBERG was mere reatiy a second Sonny Liston—Floyd Patterson fight? In the 
rear of my station wagon lies a poster, already curling and fading with age, heralding that event or fiasco or 
nightmare miasma for the 22nd of July, 1963, in the sacred city of Las Vegas, mecca for thousands of religious 
fanatics who come to worship their ritual numbers, that frst sweet 7, bountiful 11 and magical 21 and to exorcise 
the devils, snake-eye 2, сгар-ош 7 and there-you-go-again 22. 

You heard me, pal. Vegas. Where else but in that razzle-dazzle capital of Suckerland could you fill a large 
hall for a rematch of the felling of an apprehensive, thoroughly rehabilitated delinquent by a very tough prison- 
hardened man? With my faded poster five months out of date, I'm no longer sure if I really made the pilgrimage 
from my home in Mexico City to see that phantom fight. Vaguely I recall buying a seat on a plane destined 
for Las Vegas, but in retrospect no such geographical complex exists. 1 do not expect to find it again in the rolling 
sagebrush desert of the Southwest, but if your friendly gasoline station has added a handy road map of Dante's 
Inferno, you might come upon it suddenly on one of the lower levels. In that blistering July had I been a 
victim of а Sodom-and-Gomorrah dream as I wandered between the bizarre training camps over which an angry, 
glowering Liston presided at the Thunderbird Hotel while the pensive, introspective Patterson showed his talent 
for speed of hand and melancholy interviews at the Dunes? Like the Sands, the Sahara, the Riviera and the other 
sunless pleasure domes spread garishly along the Strip, the glad 


tors’ headquarters were giant, nonstop gambling 
casinos that join hipster and square in a fevered fraternity devoted to sexsubstitute games of chance played with 
round-the-clock patience and sublimated desperation. 

As had been my avocation and afición for decades, I had come early to the fight grounds to study the contend. 
ing champions as they prepared themselves for the impending conflict that was to decide the fist-fighting championship 
of the world. 1 had watched the mighty Brown Bomber in pokerfaced training at primitive resort camps, the 
rugged Marciano in his humble farmhouse isolated from the exhausting rounds of recreational activities at 
Grossinger’s, the silky moves of Ezzard Charles in pastel sweat suit at Kutscher's luxurious Gemiitlichkeit in the 
Catskills . . . 1 thought I had seen the ultimate in exotic grooming for combat when Ingemar Johansson, the 
Swedish glassjawed krone pincher, took over a superplush ranch house at Grossinger's and feasted on sumptuous 
smorgasbord and inept light-heavyweight imports from Stockholm. 

But the training for the brief encounter perpetrated in Syndicateville, U.S. A., last summer — well, in the 
spirit of the wheel, the hold card and the hard eight I'll risk a lowly dollar chip to а hundred-dollar blue that 
Vegas in July housed the goddamncdest training a fight buf ever or rather never (continued оп page 172) 


ADVICE TO A YOUNG MAN 


the great writers previously unpublished observations 
on some of the ground rules of life and literature 


By ERNEST HEMINGWAY 


YOUNG MEN (and women) come to me for advice about their 
writing problems and their love affairs. I try to be generous 
and kindhearted about my advice. 

GOOD ADVICE sometimes comes too late. 

WE DO NOT FIND the deep truths of life: they find us. 


ON THE ART OF WRITING 

WRITING PLAIN ENGLISH is hard work. 

NO ONE EVER LEARNED LITERATURE from a textbook. 

1 HAVE NEVER TAKEN a course in writing. I learned to write 
naturally and on my own. 

X pip мот succEED by accident; I succeeded by patient hard 
work. 

VERBAL DEXTERITY does not make a good book. 

TOO MANY AUTHORS are more concerned with the style of 
their writing than with the characters they are writing about. 

THERE ARE TOO MANY WRITERS whose styles are often marred 
by verbosity and self-importance. 

FEW GREAT AUTHORS have a brilliant command of language. 

THE INDISPENSABLE CHARACTERISTIC of a good writer is a style 
marked by lucidity. 

A GOOD WRITER is wise in his choice of subjects, and exhaus- 
tive in his accumulation of materials. 

THE FIRST THING a good writer does is overcome his self- 
conscious writing. 

А GOOD WRITER must have an irrepressible confidence іп him- 
self and in his ideas. 

WRITING MUST ве a labor of love or it is not writing. 

соор writers know how to excavate significant facts from 
masses of information. 

‘THE TOUGHEST THING for a writer is to maintain the vigor 
and fertility of his imagination, 

A GOOD WRITER is a conscientious craftsman who goes to 
infinite trouble and great risk in a search for his material. 

І WILL WAGE WARFARE against any writer whose work appears 
to me careless. 

MOST WRITERS FAIL simply because they lack the indispens 
able qualifications of the genuine writer. They are intensely 
prejudiced. Their horizon, in spite of their education, is a 
narrow one. 

THERE CAN БЕ no great literature in America until her writers 
haye learned to trust her implicitly and love her devotedly. 

WRITERS NOWADAYS spend too much energy on the subsidiary 
activities of talking and making money, which leaves them 
too little time for serious writing. 

TODAY THE COUNTRY is flooded with cheap, trashy fiction, the 
general tendency of which is not only not educational, but is 
positively destructive, The desire to read this stuff is as 
demoralizing as the narcotics habit. 

THE NOVEL is a kind of battlefield on which a writer fights 
his eternal struggle between good and evil. 

A NOVELIST MUST POSSESS the art of (continued on page 225) 


ққ 


ANN 
a 


Im: s 
11. | 


E ар (map 
|н 22 Hii : i | d 


ІШІ 


THE HOMECOMING 


there he sat, this childlike carver 
of christ—alone and betrayed — 
among the faceless wooden figures 


fiction BY FREDERIC MORTON 


ACTUALLY rr WAS just another day. 1 
kept at it through the morning and 
the afternoon but packed up at five. 
"That's when the light gets sentimental 
at Taormina. I had just gotten divorced. 
1 was off sentimentality. I told myself 1 
painted and lived better that way. 

By 5:80 I was washed and shaved and 
went down for tea at the Mocambo. All 
the tourists do, but that never bothered 
me. It's fun to watch Viscount Charlie 
park, talking to his Porsche as if it were 
a recalcitrant Doberman. I enjoy the 
procession of nonobjective shirts, wrap- 
around sunglasses, rinsed ponytails and 
custom-made sandals. I don't even mind 
the Mocambo orchestra heaping their 
everlasting Sigmund Romberg into the 
bluegold air. I admire the cracked 
ancient steeple of Santo Agostino for 
enduring all this so well, and I like 
great Etna and the fuzzy Calabrian sea, 
between which the "Taorminian mirage is 
suspended on a crazy cliff-borne trapeze. 
It’s pleasant to see the grandeurs and 
the absurdities mingle with such non- 
chalance in the evening sun. It is a 
method of relaxation. 

Sammy and Lilo turned up at the 
Mocambo that day, which was something 
of a surprise. “The Mocambo terrace has 
a better view, more gapers and therefore 
less chic than the adjoining Anglo- 
American Tea Room. The choice be- 
tween Mocambo and Anglo-American 
separates the transients from the resi- 
dents. Sammy and Lilo are intensely 
resident. Sammy, of course, was born in 
Taormina, but the fact that no one calls 
him Salvatore anymore shows that he 
has ceased to be a native. The tennis pro 
of the town, he is, in a sense, also a bull- 
fighter. Sammy's medium is ladies but 
the reverence and ruthlessness of his art. 
would bring any Spanish arena to its 
feet. He is small with black urgent 
African eyes, wavy hair and a Greek 
profil, and he moves with a matador's 
careless grace. In the past season he 
dispatched a newly widowed comtesse, 
a 17-year-old Belgian traveling with her 
journalist father, and a Milanese on a 
weekend visit to her invalid aunt. I 
think that what draws Sammy to women 
is their difficulties instead of their attrac- 
tions. He loves to conquer the great 
world that comes down monthly to con- 
quer Taormina. He is a man of gestures, 
not of satisfactions. A cigarette poses 
perennially (continued on page 158) 


satire By ROBERT CAROLA Wo R D P LAY 


more fun and games with the kings english in which words become delightfully self-descriptive 


] FPNPTUN EMPTA 


ТІМТ 


degrees croal ЕТ 


ИИ ROT 


THREEE dic tion-ar’y 


л DIET 


TRAM ОММЕ .---- 


“Mm-mm-mmm — Santa's been up there a mighty long time finding 


out what Mandy and Christine want for Christmas . .. 1" 


HOMECOMING 


between his middle and index fingers but 
seldom touches his lips. He wears the fin- 
est crimson kerchief round his throat, 
and he insists on paying his father, a 
taxi driver, the full fare. 

As for Lilo, his real name is Leland. 
(It is the custom of The Set here to 
Anglicize Italian names and Latinize 
Anglo-Saxon ones.) He is a thin elderly 
boy who's pushing 40 and tries to earn 
his large income with his perceptive- 
ness — at the first of each month he mails 
a diary airmail registered to his solicitor 
in London. He mitigates his adenoids 
with wit. He loves being near Sammy as 
the landlubber loves the boardwalk, In 
fact, he cleans up after him: takes Sam- 
туз discards to dinner; brings them 
news of Sammy's "indispositions"; sees 
them to the station, or maps out for 
them the best route to Naples. Being 
harmless to women, he is soothing to 
them; and being postSammy, their psy- 
ches are in states his diary can be per- 
ceptive about. It all works out well. 

When I joined them that particular 
evening, they were sitting with Helga. 
Danish Helga, some butter king’s daugh- 
ter, was at the stage where Sammy still 
had his hand on the back of her chair, 
while Lilo already squeezed lemon into 
her tea. As we sipped and leaned, I re- 
alized why Sammy had picked the Mo- 
cambo. He was telling Helga about the 
scenic drive to Syracuse, but the real 
weight of his glances rested on the 
table to our immediate right. 

Quite a girl occupied it. Her black 
bangs fringed the flat, simple, beautiful 
face frequent among our upper-class 
daughters. She must have been around 
25 and her tight dungarees, crossed high, 
showed long, strictly made-in-America 
legs. A big blond young man in leather 
shorts sat by her side. At first he seemed 
рап of our village-wide costume party, 
but it didn’t take me long to recognize 
the real thing. He was a bona fide Alpine 
peasant. His hand, instead of grasping 
the cup by the handle, hugged it whole- 

3 ifted it when the girl raised 
down the moment after she 
did. She broke off a bit of cake and he 
brushed away from her the crumbs scat- 
tered over her part of the table. She 
laughed. He didn’t smile back, curiously 
enough. She fondled his elbow. He 
achieved a slow smile, but at the same 
time touched his pomaded hair, wiped 
off the grease against his shorts. She 
finished the cake. He removed the plate. 
She rapped him playfully across the 
knuckles, so playfully that she upset her 
mecha cup. That was it. Sammy tore 
the crimson kerchief off his neck and 
dammed the black flow. 
Thank you!" cried the girl. 
"Nothing, absolutely," said Sammy, 
158 whose English is grave, quite precise 


PLAYBOY 


“continued from page 155) 


and preferably polysyllabic. 

"A waiter should do that!” 

“Ah,” Sammy said, “you are new in 
"Taormina." 

"How did you know?” 

“То rely on waiters here," Lilo said, 
"is to go on a reducing dict.” 

The girl laughed. "There were intro- 
ductions; the tables were moved closer. 
She was Doris. And that — she ran her 
hand over her companion's arm — that 
маз Ferdinand. I suppose it was her eye- 
brows that kept her face from a mask- 
like perfection. They were vivid and 
black, barely tamed by tweezers. Perhaps 
gross, if they hadn't always budged with 
litle peremptory motions The whole 
girl was peremptory, full of an innocent, 
exuberant, dainty suddenness which her 
eyebrows punctuated. Up they flew as 
she called, “Gargon!” And in defiance of 
tradition Giacomo came running to wipe 
the table. Up went the brows as she 
stopped her Ferdinand’s hand: “There 
you go with the plates. The bus boy will 
do that — foolish Ferdy!” 

She turned to us. "Will you please 
forgive Ferdinand?" She stroked his arm. 
"He isn't used to cafés yet. He's a carver 
of Christs, do you know? Wayside 
shrines? Beautiful things!” 

On she went. Had we heard of Brittlug 
— Brittlug, the Tyrol? That's where she 
had found Ferdinand. That's where she 
had broken her ankle slaloming this 
winter. A lovely place, Brittlug, but not 
even on the map. Practically a secret! 
Please never breathe a word of it to any- 
onc? Keep it unspoiled, like Ferdinand? 
She patted him on the neck, But the 
Brittlug people! Her eyebrows plum- 
meted slightly into a frown. Dreadful 
characters. They'd been such beasts about 
Ferdy going away with her. But why 
shouldn't he? Неа been a sweet when 
she'd been down— her own nightand- 
day nurse. And every morning he'd taken 
her broken-ankle shoe and brought back 
a slipperful of mountain flowers. So 
afterward she just had to scoop him 
into her Midgy. (Her chin gave a little 
toss at the MG sunning itself in front of 
the Mocambo.) Imagine, he'd never been 
in Cortina. Just across the border, two 
hours from Brittlug, and never been 
there. Not to speak of Venice or Rome 
which had just bowled him over — hadn't 
they? She gently pulled a hair on his 
wrist. He nodded. His fingers felt again 
for the alien pomade. “Bowled over 
both of ust” she said. “Taormina, too.” 

“You have the intention to stay long, 
we hope?” Sammy asked. His hand had 
slipped off Helga’s chair to flick an ash, 

“We have to wait for the permicio: 
Ferdinand enunciated unexpectedly іп 
very careful English. 

“Ah, the permicion,” Sammy said. It 
is part of Sammy's personality to shun 


questions. If he doesn't understand, he 
leans back and repeats. 

“The permicion to get married, from 
the American Government.” The phrase 
seemed quite familiar to Ferdinand. 

Doris took Ferdinand's head between 
her hands. “Sh! Sh! Not c!” she said, shak- 
ing his head fondly. “It’s permish 
She turned to us, leaving an arm around 
his neck. “Don't Austrians talk nicely? I 
once had a dentist in Kitzbühel. АП he 
wore in his office was the tiniest leather 
shorts and all he could say was ‘I lover 
your toot” 

"Permishion," Ferdinand said low, for 
her. 

"He learns everything" Doris said. 
"He's so big he couldn't even get into 
my Midgy. But he learned how to col- 
lapse himself!" 

"Excuse me," Sammy said. He had 
sprinkled Doris while wringing the cof- 
fee out of his kerchief. With a whisk 
of a napkin he wiped the drop off the 
smoothness of her upper arm. "Your 
car," Sammy said, "it has the possibility 
of going on top of Monte Tauro. 'The 
singular spot in Italy where you can see 
two volcanoes. 

“I can't resist volcanoes!” Doris ex- 
claimed. 

“Etna and Stromboli,” Sammy said. 

Helga remarked that Sammy had never 
told her about that. 

"You have a Mercedes" Sammy put 
his arm back on Helga's chair. "Ihe 
Mercedes is too big for the Two Volcano 
Road. 

I got up at that point. I said I had a 
date that night, which was perfectly 
true, and went off to search for my 
check. But when I had finished my busi- 
ness with Giacomo, Lilo hailed me on 
my way out. 

"Emergency!" Lilo called. “Tell him. 

German. Tell him its all right to 
yank that off." He pointed at the plumed 
knight's helmet hanging from the fag- 
pole above the table to advertise the 
“Orlando” puppet show. 

“Just the plume, not the helmet!” 
Doris begged, and her fist was a small 
soft hammer against Ferdinand's arm. 
"Tell Ferdy ГЇЇ pay for it. Sometimes 
we have such language trouble. It's so 
beautifull” 

Her eyebrows yearned toward me from 
the perfect sun-flushed oval of her face. 
Even her shoulders rose under the pastel 
polo shirt to back her appeal. She was 
the prettiest thing I had seen in months. 
1 became quite angry. 

“I wanted to ask you,” I said, “since 
when does the Government give Ameri- 
cans permission to marry?” 

“The consul has to get one, doesn't 
he, if he's going to marry us?” she said, 
mildly astonished. “Please!” Her head 
fell against Ferdinand's shoulder, sigh- 

(continued on page 219) 


a portfolio of the past delightful dozen 


= 


ы 


CHRISTINE WILLIAMS: MISS OCTOBER 


PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE REVIEW 


NOW 15 THE TIME for all good men to review 1963's delightful dozen gatefold girls and nominate their favorites 
for Playmate of the Year. By Homeric standards rLAvBov could have launched 12,000 ships this past 12 months, 
for the legendary beauty of Helen would have been hard tested by any one of these Playmates. Surely Ilium would 
have dedicated one of its topless towers to Christine Williams, six feet of classic architecture, whose loveliness graces 
the opening page of this portfolio. Last month we published an Editors’ Choice of 10 top Playmates from our first 
10 years and announced that next December, we will offer a similar pictorial featuring the Readers’ Choice. To 
help you recall your own personal favorites, we'll reprint one year of Playmate pulchritude in each of the upcoming 
‘Tenth Anniversary issues; let us know, by card or letter, which 10 from PLAVnov's first decade you most preferred. 


159 


VICTORIA VALENTINO: MISS SEPTEMBER 


Left Hiking enthusiast Victori 

Valentino, who also paints, sings, 
dances and plays guitar —all with 
enviable talent and. proficiency — 
somehow m; es to set aside time 
for appearances in hospital shows, 
summer stock and little theater in 
the Los Angeles area. Add to this 
her penchant for reading Tolstoy 
and Dostoicvsky, not to mention 
attending Fugene O'Neill dram: 

and you have a Playmate who per 
sonifies everything meant by the 
term “well-rounded.” Right: Adri 
enne Moreau, between sessions of 
wheeling around Manhattan on a 
motor scooter (causing innumer- 
able male pedestrians to do a bit 
of wheeling around themselves) 
and water-skiing her way through 
the swimsuit season, enjoys de 
signing homes ("Generally archi- 
tectural impossibilities") and her 
own clothes, all of which were 
luckily at the laundry during 
this pose, certainly apropos for a 
self-proclaimed designing woman 


ADRIENNE MOREAU: MISS MARCH 


ht: At 19, £ 
6), none of whose vital statis 
tics have been visibly impaired by 
her avowed predilection lor candy 
lasagna, cheeseburgers and hot 
fudge sundaes, finds herself envi 
ably employed as a Hollywood 
model these days, her sole fling 
with the movie business being her 
ime job as cashier at the movie 
s Paramount Theater. Care 
‘artic declares herself willing 
in either a mansion or a 
tree house as long as the man she 
marries is just fun to be with. 


CARRIE ENWRIGHT: MISS JULY 


DONNA MICHELLE: MISS DECEMBER 


Right: One ot the brainiest beau 
ties it has been our joy to behold, 
vivacious Donna Michelle is 
currently coeducating herself at 
UCLA, where — if the instructors 
mark on the curve — she is cer- 
tain to achieve an unbeatable 
scholastic record. A piano prodigy 
in grade school and later the nicest 
thing that ever happened to the 
New York City Ballet tutu, Donna 
seems to be the embodiment of a 
sound mind in a sound body: 
higher education never had it so 
good. Left: Surely our favorite 
ship shape is Sandra Settani, whose 
seashore-loving proclivity is cur- 
rently indulged between her mod 
eling assignments in New York 
City. After sunset, Sandra's yen is 
for a romantic spot with good 
music, prelerably with а well-read, 
self-made type of man. A lover of 
travel to exotic places, she hopes 
eventually to settle in Hawaii, 
which island state merits the rue- 
ful envy of the continental 49. 


SANDRA SETTANI: MISS APRIL 


Left: The wee slip of a girl warm 
ing the bench here is Judi Mon- 
terey, who, when not relaxing in a 
fragrant. bubble bath, her one 
nearavocational luxury, revels in 
top-down auto rides through the 
California countryside, plus such 
varied amusements as window 
shopping, movies, dining out and 
frequently indulging herself with 
banana ice cream. Just 20 years 
old this month, [udi's chief hobby 
is stamp collecting, but she also 
enjoys dancing, skating, and the 
kind of man who reads PLAYBOY. 


JUDI MONTEREY: MISS JANUARY 


HANNE 
AR ` ” 
ex 


SHARON CINTRON: MISS MAY 


Right; The hapless student of 
yoga who tries achieving amy se- 
renity of mind in the same class 
as shapely Sharon Cintron will be 
hard put to get beyond the simple 
chin-on-fist posture. When not 
dabbling in the mysteries of the 
East, Hollywood dweller Sharon — 
who has embarked on a successful 
career as a hair stylist — divides 
her spare time among horseback 
riding, swimming and listening 
to classical Spanish music on her 
hi-fi, and digs Japanese food the 
most, preferring sukiyaki and sake 
to a porterhouse and burgundy. 


PHYLLIS SHERWOOD: MISS AUGUST 


Right: Phyllis Sherwood, who 
claims to have every superstition 
in the book, has enough charms 
to combat her worries. A girl 
whose 5'1” height is apportioned 
into 4-22-85 dimensions should 
have nothing but good luck in 
store. Her high-school ambition 
to become an archaeologist in 
Egypt is currently sublimated 
through vicarious travels by book, 
from the zany world of H. Allen 
Smith to the bygone eras of Frank 
Yerby. Left: Terre Tucker is seen 
here in a brief respite from 
compulsive gin-rummy playing, a 
hobby she alternates with strum 
ming folk tunes on a guitar. Tal- 
ented Terre, whose activities have 
ranged from lifeguarding in Phoe- 
nix to brightening the passengers’ 
vista as a Transcontinental Air- 
lines stewardess, is still a happy 
bachelor girl, living in New York, 
where the citizenry gets to look 
at yet another structural marvel. 


TERRE TUCKER: MISS NOVEMBER 


CONNIE MASON: MISS JUNE 


Гей: Connie Mason, besides being 
one of the loveliest models work- 
ing for Oleg Cassini, fashion de- 
signer for the First Lady, is also 
a jaz buff who owns over 
600 records. Haute couture in 
New York City has never — hap- 
pily — been the same since her ad- 
vent there; in a business where 
most models resemble pole lamps 
in slip covers, Connie has added a 
new dimension, in nothing flat 
Her ambition is to be successful 
enough to be able to settle down 
amid "sunshine and palm trees 
and water and eligible bachelors.” 


Right: Spectacular (38-22-36) Toni 
Ann Thomas, once an instructress 
at Vic Tannys, obviously knows 
all there is to know about keeping 
in good shape. A devotee of light 
comedies and whodunits at the 
movies, her interests also include 
rooting for Southern Cal at grid- 
iron games, and heartily devouring 
all the Mexican and Italian food 
she can prevail upon her many es- 
corts to supply. Also an ardent 
shutterbug, Toni enjoys a rare am- 
bivalence, taking a good picture 
on whichever side of the lens 
she happens to be functioning. 


TON! ANN THOMAS: MISS FEBRUARY 


“Don you find that some New Years are 
harder to bring in than others?” 


Ribald Classic 


е from the lore of Abyssini 


The (Mest О аьа yasa, a folk ta 


ay to Mecca on pilgrimage. 
merchant. one a student and 


farmer 
inferior, for he could 
and m 


ied. his com- 
pany, however, for he was tall and broad 
o[ back and would surely discourage 
not only the importunings of begs 


суеп the attacks of highway ma 
ruders. 
А week and a day after the: 


who had for sale a slave 
ply nd so 
smiles that they could mot resist her 
charms. They pooled their 
therefore, and bought her, s the 
slave dealer in delight and themselves in 
a quandary. How were they to share the 
charms of this prize and in what sort of 
order? It was 
the student 


resourc 


1 put the 
4 eventually evolved а 


ide so 


simple companion. 

Let us leave the damsel untouched, 

idl the stude and lec him who 

ms the most remarkable dream. be- 

«ome her sole possessor when daylight 

comes.” 

“It seems an excellent idea 
said the merchant, who, 
felt c [uU 
f 
dispose of him to boot. 

Ali was uncertain. He did not trust 
companions and he was indeed 
id that they might outwit him. Still, 

the problem of the disposal of the dam- 
sel had to be settled, and at length he 
егесі. They sent the girl into the tent 
and all three stretched out by the fire and 
prepared to passa n and 
perhaps of dreaming. 
The camp grew quiet, The fire died. 
An hour later the student cried out as 
though in ecstasy and tossed upon his 
blanket like п possessed. A little 
later the merchant groaned and moaned 
as a man will who is tortured by a terri 
ble nightmare. 


a to me," 
ike the student, 


t they could. ou 


his 
aly 


When dawn с 
men arose, 


me the three young 
led the fire and began to 
. When they had fin- 
s med that 
an angel flew down from on high. took 
me by the hand and conducted me to 
the Throne of Light where 1 conversed 
with Allah. This is surely а most re 
narkable dream." 
The merchant, taking his cue from his 
friend, spoke as follows: 
ny friend. but 1 dre: 
genie came, struck the earth wi 
wand so that it opened. and conducted 
me to the Throne of Darkness where 
I conversed with $ 1 propose that 
this is a yet more rema i 
Both then turned. to 
7 they asked the 


did you drea 


bumpki 
“I dre 
quietly. 
The student 


ged 


ned not a thing," he repli 


and the 
glances. “In 
msel belongs to us. 


merchant 
that 


ехе 
se the 


chi 


“Wait,” said Alî solemnly. “I slept 
soundly € for the two ti vou 
awakened me with cies and g 


When [ heard the angel 
dent oif to heaven expected to 
see him again. And when the genie clove 
the carth and conducted the merchant 
to the Throne of Darkness, 1 concluded 
that he, too, would not retur 

“And that was all? asked the stud 
and the merchant, concealing supe 
ous smiles, 

“Stay,” replied Ali. "When 
departed, leav 
[UT 
such 


ake un 


ЕТТЕ 
1 never 


had 
i me here alone with 
damsel, it seemed a pity to allow 


you 


lovely er 
lone, so I arose 
to the tent and partook of her cha 
which were a remarkable dream in 
themselves. 

Before the sun had fully risen the stu- 
dent and the merch; slunk from the 
camp and went their way, somewhat 
chagrined at having been bested by the 
loutish son of a farmer. And Ali struck 
his tent. and turned homeward with 
wha 1, at the outset, been their mu- 


tual purchase. 
Retold by J. 4. Gato ËJ 


ure to spend the night 


GIDGET GOES TEEVEE JEEBIES 


“Tarzan — Cheetah and I have something to tell you...” “You mean to say Ге just given him 
a quait of tomato juice?!” 


“You're right, there is a speck in your eye.” ^I had the same problem until my wife switched 
to Tide, with activated sudsing action.” 


170 


a fresh supply of do-it-yourself subtitles for 10% late-night reruns 


“Well. it may be faster on the side, but “There, there, Miss Peterson — everyone enters into 
it looks a lot sexier this way.” group activities here at Camp Whatapopoli...!” 


“They say these May-December marriages never work, “Damn it, Larry, can't you ever look me in 
Betty — but I'm willing to give ita try if you are." the eye when lm talking to you?" 


“Well, if she can’t ‘choo-choo’ any better than "My God, Helen — you and my best friend in the 
that, make her the caboose!” middle of the living-room floor! And dinner 
isn't even ready уе” 171 


PLAYHBO!Y 


172 of the mob. The mob giveth 


DEATH OF BOXING? 


hoped to sce. 
The rir 


y were able to flout the 
nds of the sport, sharp- 
reflexes and honing their 
muscles not in rigid training camps 
but in bistro and brothel, One of the 
cat Dare-knuckle fighters of the early 
Тш Century London prize ring, Jewish 
htwcight Dutch Sam, boasted that he 
trained on 


п. His son and worthy heir, 
little 


Young Dutch Sam, scourge of the 
uns, ran with the dandies, to an early 
grave. In our fathers’ day there was 


Harry Greb, the illustrious. noncelibace 
who defied the inst 
vita on the eve of battle. The gin mills 
und the boudoirs were the Human Wind- 
mill's gymnasiums. Proximity as well as 
nature aed to shape "Two-Ton* 
emo until any resemblance to 
arrel was not coincidental 
Despite these playboys of the Western 
there remains a traditional prepa 
ration for fisticullug. а rigorous program 
of self-denial, The ground rules of this 
strenuous game have demanded over the 
centuries that the contenders retire 10 
rustic retreats to devote themselves to the 
lund Libor of running and bending and 
sparring and thinking, During this pe- 


ibe la dolce 


riod of the hair sh and the liniment 
rub. the pugilist was nor only denied 
the joy of entering woman. he was 


rarely even permitted the preliminary 
joy of girl watching, The true practi- 
doner fast; ascetic 
physical energies were turned 
Mowing back imo himself, like a 
river that reverses its current 
upward imo is headwaters. Thus, ac 
ding to the mythology ol this ancient, 
noble sport, the pugilist does not dissi- 
pate energies. He conditions his 
muscles, he builds his stamina, and from 
mposed isolation he draws con- 
ion and pentup emotion ready 
to explode at the opening bell. The sex 
ıct is sublimated, its art and energies re 
routed. "The man intact, this reservoir of 


was whose 


ious 


inward. 
mighty 
nd. pours 


bone and flesh and nerve and blood, is 
ready to release full-force i ned-up 
excitations. 


ath, 


Old wives’ tale or physiological t 
the school of the abstemious has 
the prize ring. Trainers of Primo C: 
nere used to laugh at their practical 
practical joke of tying a string around 
the giant Carnera's while he slept so 
an erotic dream would tighten 
swing, painfully, awakening him 
astelul release of dammed-up 


before a w 


pon- 
He 
mson shorn. 
pion who sprung full 
and overgrown from the fertile mind 
nd there 


derous and helpless as a dinosaur 
came imo the ring as Sa 
He w 


is the ch: 


(continued from page 151) 
stood in all his bogus glory. the innocent 
champion Carnera, The mob taketh 


away. and there lay the broken body of 
the hapless giant. Today Primo is to 
be found in the happy hunting ground 
of wrestling, wh 
no strings around human appendages. 
since it is merely a marionette show lor 
slaphappy айыз, with hidden strings 
and invisible wires operating lilesized 


¢ they need to tie 


muscle dolls. 


But glove fighting had its dignity, at 
least im its ішем hours, before de- 
into the decadence that now 
ens 10 engulf it. One of its many 
attractions for me. in this impure world. 
monastic dedication 

puch about boxing that is ugly 
horrent: the exploitation. the fi 
1 conniving, the shabby grifters ever 
ready to leech it. But the wa iod 
ways had something imn е about 
it, a tradition of physical discipline that 
conjured up Sparta and the Greck games. 
To watch Rocky Marciano rise at dawn 
brimming with good sleep and vigor, 
pumping his short, powerlul legs over 
the Upper New York countryside was 
an aesthetic pleasure. Similarly, in Vegas 
we lelt the crowded casino at four in the 
morning to drive out into the silent, 
nighi-cnshrouded desert where Floyd 
Pauerson was idyllically bedded down. 
The lights of the incredible gambling 
palaces lickered. but out at Hidden Well 


was the There is 


Ranch all was oasis serenity, 
Ihe sun was still just a promise of 
morning on the horizon. when the 


gende, unassuming Floyd strolled from 
his hideaway cottage, accompanied only 
by two strapping shepherd dogs. He 
tossed a red rubber ball down the dirt 
lane connecting the complex of r 
houses to a deserted desert road à 
moved with а fighter’s practiced. grace 
ler it into the open desert country. 
He ran on and on, occasionally throw 
the ball ahead of him to break the mo- 
notony of the long lonely run. Now the 
sun rose full but not yet hot on the 
desereckean. horizon and our man was 

against it, jogging on with 
his black dog and his white dog uncon- 
sciously composin, into an 
artist's conception of how an aesthete of 
the prize ring should appear опе week 
before a crucial contest. Di 
side, slothful in a station 
thought of The Loneliness of the Long 
Distance Runner. In that film, like the 
live drama we were watching, the prepa 
ration for the showdown was purity and 
tfully lonely. and building 
that was agony and frustra- 
tion, neurotic and perverse. To follow 
Floyd as he ran on into the rolling desert. 
dunes in the softlit purple morning was 
to catch him in his proudest moment, 
when he was all concentrated, dedicated 


silhouetted 


grace and energy 


piston-fasi shadowboxi 

dozen yards and then forward again, 
into rising hills where our car could no 
longer follow, a lone figure ol 
health with the L 
black de 


nd determination: 


to seem more tired th: 
faced master 

Poker-faced but not а gambler, Floyd 
it Hidden Well except 
for the training sessions staged with 
Vegas hoopla at the Dunes where a 
thousand. people a day paid their buck 
10 applaud the quiet, modest monk work- 
ing with humorless cons 
the one-round humiliation he had sut 
fered nine months earlier in Chicago. 
His body expressed confidence, but his 
mind seemed cobwebbed with complexi 
ties that should not foul the forward 
gear, the clear. simple thrust a pugilist 
— perhaps any artist or prime doer — 
needs to carry out his plan of action 
When we asked him. for instance, if 
he thought Liston would knock him out 
Patterson stared at the Ioa 
niched into a tortured paragraph ve 
plete with dependent clauses. Не cer 
uly hoped he would not be knocked 
out again; he would try mot to ente 
the ring expecting to be knocked out 
again: however, no one can estimate in 
advance the eflect of an opponents 
blow on the brain, and it is always pos 
sible that the body wishes to react in one 
way while the mind, temporarily stunned 
or confused. reacts in anothei 

Before he was halfway through. this 
convoluted oratory we were all staring 
at the floor im embarrassment, feeling 
uncomfortably sorry for this bad boy 
sone good. In this world of 
contradiction and compromise you want 
your prize fighters strong and direct. You 
want a Floyd Patterson to say, “Hell no, 
he won't knock me out n. Í come 
to fight. ГИ beat ass ӨН” When 
they asked Joe Louis if he thought Billy 
Conn's speed and boxing skill would 
confuse and outwit him, he said, nicely. 
"He cn run but he can't hide.” When 
we asked Sonny Liston if he thought 
Patterson would last longer the ses 
time, he growled, “This time — shorter.’ 
Sonny was four seconds off the target, 
but they breed humanitarians in Nevada 
and there is a compulsory eightsecond 
count of protection, even if the fallen 
fighter scrambles up to his feet before 
“Eight,” as Floyd did, in his amateur 
eagerness to precipitate his own slaugh 
ter. From John L. Sullivan to Sonny 
Liston, 8l years and 22 champions 
there never has been one so plagued 
with doubts and fears, the tentative 
tangle, as twiccdisgraced Floyd Patter 
son. It is like asking Pic, if he thinks 
he is going to create any more immortal 


п their poker 


secreted himself 


ence to 


and 


modern 


his 


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174 For those of us re 


canvases and heari у 
Та like to, but when one puts hi 
brush to canvas how docs he really know 
whether or not the mind may 
it?” Or asking President Kennedy if he 
thinks the free world will fall and he 
g him say, “Well of course we hope 
not, but who can foresee the gulf betwee 
desire and achievement?” There is an 
appeal ategrity to self-deprecatior 
but it doesn’t win ball games or civili- 
zations. 


95 


ngway, to the point o[ being 
obnoxious, insisted on his prc-eminenc 
as numero uno. He wasn't, always, bur 
the thinking colored the doing. Patter 
son approached his Liston ordeal with a 
false-beard psychology. À man who hides 
from defeat behind a false beard has 
fallen, for all his virtues, into а sad 
state of torpor amd confusion. The beard 
is a symbol of disguise, of trying to be 
something you are not, and Patterson 
may be boxing's first beatnil 
aire beatnik who makes a cult of de- 
atism. In his dressing room after he 
d again offered himself up with the 
ned passivity of a human sacrifice, 
he sorrowfully announced that he would 
not retire, although he did not even feel 
worthy to challenge the loquacious up- 
start Cassius Marcellus Clay. Patterson 
е and cultivate his garde 
d his neuroses. He is fortunate that he 
had an honest manager, Cus D'Amato, 
whom he despises and whom he cat dead 
‚ Cus did not job him out of h 
he overprotected him like an 
indulgent father. As a result, Floyd is 
weaker and richer. 

While Floyd was consulting his psyche 
in his desert retreat, Sonny Liston went 
through violent calisthenics and 
culled his sparring partners around as 
if h recalcitrant 
Negro cab drivers for his old boss of the 
St. Louis Teamsters, John Vitale. After 
his workout, he would blow olf a little 
more steam verbally abusing members 
of his entourage. He is an inarticulate, 
primitive, ring Muslim, 
with a fearful suspicion of the white 
world and sonsharp "What'sin it- 
TorSonny?" philosophy. On the eve of the 
. waiting for his call to 
dressing-room companion 
later — he relaxed in contemp- 
tuous silence sullenly clippi 
When it was time to move out into the 
isle, he rose, stretched and muttered, 
Well, let's go down and cross the rail- 
road tracks and stop in at the pay sti- 


his 


his nails. 


ing aft Il good 
should be tucked into th 
quiet beds, Sonny would he at the crap 
or blackjack tables. Often Joe Louis, 
tagically reduced to a camp follow: 
would be at Sonny's side, pla 
irly large stakes with Sonny's br 
red on the aesthetic 


of the ascetic, Soni pattern was 
obscene. He is not just a naysayer but a 
fu man. Shortly alter training he could 
be эсеп around the Thunderbird pool 
ogling thc Vegas bikini set. А few hours 
before the fight he was in the crowded 
restaurant of the Thunderbird casually 
with his wife. Mrs. Liston and 
genuinely 
the meanest and 
most hated man to hold the heavyweight 
title since Jack Johnson. He is keen- 
minded, illiterate and socially scarred. 
The combination is apt to produce an 
uthority-hating s.o.b. He is the only 
man | remember meeting who scares 
you with a look. There is à Father Mur- 
phy who flutters around him and is sup- 
posed to be rehabilitating him. but I 


think Sonny is forever trapped in his 
own resentment. I doubt if а mi 


Ive seen a cha 

liberal education i 
for antisocial personalities — acceptance, 
comfort, fame, they do work a dillerence. 
But it is sadly possible that it's too late 
for Ж to achi : 
more than the sodden satisfaction of club- 
bi a insensible with his al 
sized fists. In this day when the 


ton 


arms with Jackie Robinson and Bela- 
fonte and Floyd Paterson in the new 
civil war. Sonny marches and punches 
heads to his own drummer. He seems to 
pull his hawed around him like the 
toweled robe under which he flexes his 
ssive muscles as he waits for the bell 
t sends him out to perform mayhem. 
If Sonny Liston is the ex-con, hated, 
hating. the third point to the morality 
triangle is gaseous Cassius Cla 
talks better than he fights, a 21-yea 
Olympic champion who is everythi 
that Floyd Patterson is not. brash, $ 
confident, flamboyant, the high-pressure 
alcsman. While Sonny is the throw- 

k. Cassius is the throw-forward. There 
al of talk about how much 
ellus Clay is contribut 
out the Garden 
and doing for listic glamor what poor 
buucrily Marilyn Monroe did for sex. 
The decadence that hung over the Lis- 
ton-Patterson thing іп Vegas pursues 
sius, our new down prince, in a 
Cassius is tall and handsome 

sh and as articulate as а pre- 
ous college debater. He is а phrase- 
maker amd a poetizer. In go last 
fall he introduced. himself to me as the 
coming champion of the world and 
pressed a poem into my hand predicting 
le verse his knockout tri 
umph over Archie Moore "who will fall 
in four." The old Mongoose obliged 
and in (his day of Madison Avenue 


Іше 


amateur became the 
Liston’s title. 


ploys a flashy ne; 
ranking contender for 
Cassius is as welcome to the fight game 
is whipped cream 1o strawberry 
shortcake — he dresses and sweetens it 
up. but you know what happens when 
you cat too much whipped cream. 

Cassius Clay is, I'm afraid, the fighter 
who most clearly reflects the flaws of the 
middle Sixties. He is carning a fortune 
before he has mastered his trade. He 
may be the first fighter consciously to 
employ big-time advertising techniques. 
He is the perpetrator of both the bi 
laugh and the big lie. Last spring in 
den solid citizen Doug Jones e 
posed him as a rangy boy fast with his 
nds but totally ignorant of infightin 
d highly susceptible to a punch on 
the Even Patterson could beat him. 
and to put him in with Liston too soon 
may stigmatize the promoters as acces- 
sories to legalized murder. 

But the big sell is on. In the days of 
boxing decadence Liston-Clay, with all 
these fancy ancillary rights, looms as the 
greatest spectacle since Elizabeth Tay- 
lors entr; о Rome. Clay should 
prove himself against Patterson, or Ed- 
1, who went 12 against Liston 
in. But boxing isn't that 
kind of a sport. The fact that Machen 
was the logical contender catapulted 
him not to fame but to oblivion. Clay. 
green and vulnerable, is where the 
money is Show business with blood de- 
mands his appearance in the aren 

sius Marcellus lay in 
hotel splendor at the Dunes, silk- 
d, attended by his brother-spa 
пет Rudolf Valentino Clay. He 
ordered. from room service like the new 
king of the new glamor sport of theater 
television he is. "How many eggs? — just 
get a great big platter and cover it. Ba 
con? — we'll take all you got down there, 
honey." He stretched. He laughed. It 
tickled h to think how quickly all this 
al living had come to a poor kid from 
the back streets of Louisville. He 
Liston a big ugly be: 
but more about the money in his future 
than the fight. At ringside of the Vegas 
charade he climbed up to the apron 
d grin 


the heavy- 
ed himself with 
There was some sense of 
or seriousness to the alfair. But sporis- 
writers at Vegas were offended. The 
Louisville Lip. the self-propelled head- 
line grabber, g à mockery 
event that once was fought in earnest 
This hamming at was what 
the wrestlers tricked up. Next week's 
contestants glare and growl and maybe 
even take an openhanded poke at 
other. Boy oh boy oh boy, the announce 
licks his chops, these two brutes really 
hate each other. Fur is really going to 


of an 


TEMPTING 


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fly, not to mention blood "n' gore wh 
ihese two get à chance to seule their 
feud a week from tonight . . . Thats 
what Cassius Clay. who couldn't really 
lick Doug Jones and almost got knocked 
out by England's "Slow-Motion" Henry 
© is bringing to boxing. Не may 


into the movie 
bout as well as 
his. Which is not to say 
chat Cassi bad fighter. He is simply 
a promising. inexperienced. boy. speedy 
of hand and foot, blasted off to stardom: 
in an era when propaganda takes prece- 
dence over performance. Because boxing 

ic and strips man down to his cs- 
sentials, it has been a simple but effective 
measuring stick of social progress and 
retrogres . Tt has been a barometer of 
Irish. the Jews, the 
Negroc minorities have all 
dominated the sport in their 
struggle toward social acceptance. Now 
iy beats his big drums and 
rolls his clever snares, singing songs not 
his mother but Mad Ave and the sellout 
wrestling prima do 
may be telltale 
est pay 


theaters 
sius Clay 


upu 


nd ironic that the l; 
ht in the history of boxing 


looms in the same year that sees a mob 
lowed brute pitted against а sales- 
boxer who is helping to transfor 


the old game into the sippy circus for 
s that wrestling has 


As T returned last summer from that 
desert nether world where Souny Liston 
ed the old-fashioned rules of asceti- 
cism, and ascetic Floyd Patterson crapped 
out again, 1 wondered if boxing. in the 
hands of incompetents like the Nilons 
or opportunists like Rey Cohn, could 
survive. By coincidence my brother Stu- 
art was producingdirecting an hour TV 
special Гог David Brinkley on this very 
subject and our paths crossed at Vegas. 
He had 


de 


crviewed Governor Brown of 
should 


a who thought һохй 
bolished, and Norman Mailer, 
ght boxing should go back to b 
finish brutality as 
pentup hostil 
ersey Joe Walcott who saw box 
an answer to the hungers of the unde 
ileged. 1 agreed and disagreed with 
all of them, and told my brother 

"ve been a bosi а for 40 year 
d im mo other sport the huma 
drama, the intense interplay of indi 
vidual skill, and. ves, intelli 
g match — this may 
xtreme — is not so different from 
€ moved 


an out 


piece 
ne is p 
face, (he hum у 
shucked down to his basic materials, 
plays this 4 the prize 
ring for million-dollar s 


том» game 


carned millions, or attracted millions of 
dollars to the Бох office, how many re- 
tired millionaires do we find? Gene 
Tunney. Maybe with luck Floyd Patter- 
son, A precious, favored few. From the 
other end of the pugilistic telescope w 
find thousands of ngs forgotte 
men. Some were champions like Bea 
Jack. à Horati r hero in reverse — 
wold shoeshine boy to 43- 
shoeshine boy. Beyond the 
crown and the glory and the headlines 
and the alltime box-office record for 
Madison Square Garden, boxing's Metro- 
politin Opera House. lay humiliation 
and poverty. If Beau Jack were an iso- 
lated case, you might say Tough Luck — 
but this is much more than tough luck 
For thousands of fighters, good fighters, 
winners — in the ring — wind up losers 
in life. Beau Jack, Johnny Saxton, Billy 
Fox. Johnny Bratton — no use to call 
the whole sad roll Thes mean 
gles ciphers to those who don't care 

fights — and they are just as 


ho: 


from 


names 
ve a damn for 
or their future. Look at 
t. the brave illiterate who 
mile Griffith killed in the ring for the 
welterweight championship. You сап 
make a case for tl death as a terrible 


while 
s shedding his blood for public 
amusement. Purses totaling a hundred 
thousand dollars should have been com- 
i to Benny durii his 25th and. 
on this earth. He should 
а small fortune. Like 
Jack's millions, where did it go? 
ack, back at a shoeshine stand, where 
| like to know. Mrs. 
à Harlem tenement w 
is penniless, bitter, be- 
wildered. The Sonny Listons playing the 
big chips at the Vegas tables, and the 
Cassius Clays in their fire-cngine-red 
Cadillacs, reach out eager hands for all 
our materialistic goodies. But for every 
Liston there's an overmatched corpse like 
the late Ernie Knox, and for every Clay 
who flexes lovely muscles for his mirror 
and chortles in animal confidence, “Pm 
becootiful," there's a basket case like the 
once-beautilul Lavorante, packed. home 
to live out his vegetable years in Men- 
doza, Argentina, which, oddly, was the 
home I had chosen for my fictional, 
ruined giant, Toro Moli 1 The 


was stolen from Ps 


last 
have 


Harder They Fall. 
My 40 years as a ht fan have been 
clouded with doubts and questions. 


When I published that boxing novel the 
fight world пог all, but a voci 
and probably guilty minority — at 
me for what they thought was my ellort 
to knock the fight game out of the box. 
The ists thought they had 
ally But my real interest was to 
point up the рініп of the neglected 


abo 


à me. 


fighter — champion or dub fighter— 
squeezed dry and then tosed on the 
dump heap. human refuse, expendable. 
The Beau Jacks. the champions shullling 
out their 1 tors, the basket 
cases like the te Lavorante 
are a measure of boxing's dismal, unfor- 
givable, perhaps fatal failure to provide 
for its own. It has been a gutter spor 
jungle sport, in which not the devil but 
degrading poverty takes the hi 
There shouldn't be, there needn't hc 
any hindmost for a boxer whose skill and 
guts and willingness to e п have 
arned him hundreds of thousand: 
millions of dollars in the rii 

Of all our athletes the. boxer 
most exposed. the least. protected. T 
not speaking now of an extra rope to 
the ring or more padding in their gloves. 
Fm speaking of more padding in their 
lives. Loi А ball 
enjoys a retirement pension. А motion. 
picture veteran. can turn to the Motion 
Picture Relief. Fund. (he M.P. Home. 
For half a century the fight game has 
ied out for these simple humanitarian 
needs. Think what just one. percent. of 
the gross of all the fights over the 
could contribute to the welfare, the su 


most. 


is the 


ange protection 


vival of men who have given th 
youth, their health, sometimes their lives 
to bos A fund from which they could 


borrow in the difai period of adjust- 
ment after retirement. A home for the 
mentally affected, the physically dis- 
abled. A pension to cushion old age. Foi 


years these reforms have gone crying 
into the wind. Too often in the hands 


of greedy men who treat fighters as chat 
tel, in the hands of racketeers — or th 
contaminated by the American sickness 
of what's in it for mc? — the fight game. 
despite the Floyd Pattersons. the Rocky 
Marcianos, and other happy examples of 
security, has been the slum of the sports 
world, and the boxers all too often are 


the athlete orphans of the Western 
world. 

Boxing doesn't need politicians like 
Governor Brown to abolish it. It will 
abolish itself if it persists in its program 
of anarchy. chaos and criminal neglect 
of the thousands who шін to it for 


escape [rom the dark corner of discrimi 
n and want in which they find the 
pped. I hope. for selfish reasons. 
use D enjoy it. that boxing is not 
abolished, Fd miss it, the brave, classic 
encounters. But 1 would rather miss it, 
sce it abolished, than have it continue 
down thc downward path to Bc ks 
shoeshine stand or the asylum where 
Billy Fox sleeps his troubled empty 
dreams. Boxing is at the crossroads — 
cither it lifts isell or is lifted to some 
standard of conscience and regard for the 
boys on whom it feeds, or it will be nine, 
g lost through apathy 
s right to survive. 


“You merely defrost two hours at. penthouse temperature.” 


177 


а 
гче а 
"°, SEASONS GREETINGS 


— — 


how to talk dirty 


public place because you're relating a 
conversation between yourself and your 
agent? This excuses the use of that term? 
A. What excuses the use of that term, 
Mr. Wollenberg, im my opinion, is its 
unexpectedness in the fantastic world 
that is the frame of reference, the world 
which includes many grotesqueries that 
Mr. Bruce is able to establish. Then when 
you get a phonographic reproduction of 
h of a conversation, I find that this 
comic eflect very frequently, 
phonographi 


or 


"photo: 

“Phonographic.” I mean reproduc- 
ng the actual speech verbatim with the 
ame intonation and same auitudes and 
everything else that would be characteris- 
tic of, lets sa lent agent of some 
kind. 

Q. 1 sce. In other words, the changing 
of the words to more — well, we might 
use genteel — terms, would take every- 
thing away from that, is that right 

^. H wouldirt be phonographically a 
Curate. It would lose its real feel; there 
would be almost no point. 

Q. ... And taking out that word and 
putting in the word "homosexual" or 
ry,” that would take away completely 
in your opinion from this story and make 
it just completely another on 

‘A. E must say it would. 


Similarly, Mr. Woll 


ШЕ 


berg cross-cxam- 


ined Dr. Don Geiger. associate professor 
and chairman of the department of 
speech at the University of California in 


berkeley; also author of а few books, in- 
cluding Sound, Sense and Performance 
of Literature, as well scholarly 
articles in professional. periodicals. 

о. And what does the exp 
won't appear there because i 
with [vernacular for fellators]" 
you? 

2 "I won't go there becaus 
with homosexuals.” 

о. 1 see. And does the word "[vernacu- 
lar for fellator]" denote any beauty as dis- 
к Irom the word homosexi 

A. | couldn't. possibly T 
think. That is, you would have to p 
vide a context for it, and then one could 
answer that. T would say this about it, 
"homosexual" 
. scientific term which 
п context. itself h. 


seve 


"1 


inler to 


lled 


5 


and 1 would like to: арас 
is a kind of 


е 


ly to than the word 
or]. which is doser 
to colloquial, idiomatic expression, 


Later, Kenneth Brown, a high-school 
English teacher, testified as to his 


ion to the “to come” part of my per- 
formance: 
тик witxtss: The impression is, he was 


(continued from page 82) 


trying to get over a point about society, 
the inability to love, the inability to per- 
form sexual love in a creative way, The 
routine then would enter a dialog be- 


tween a man and a woman and they were 


having their sexual difheulti 
in bed: at least, one of them was. And 
опе said, “Why can't vou come?" And, 
“Is it because you don't love me? Is it 
because vou cart love m And the 
Why, you know me, this 
s up. 1 have problems 
And that was enough to give me 
impression that — with. the other 
ss in context that were going on be- 
fore and after— that he was talking, dis- 
secting our problems of relating to cach 
other, man and woman. Great comics 
throughout literature have alu 
guised by comedy, through 
through jokes, an underlying theme 
which is very serious, and perhaps needs 


es at orgasm 


other one said, 
is where I'm hu 
here 
the 


laughter because it is also painful . . . 
ми. BENDICH: May I ask you this ques- 
tion, Mr. Brown: On the basis of your 


nal training and experience, do 
that the work of Mr. Bruce as 
id in particular the cor 
Bruce's performance on the 
for which he 
was arrested, for which he is presently 
here in this courtroom on trial, Е 
relation to the themes and the 
which those themes are developed in the 
works which we have listed here [Lysis 
trata by Aristophanes; Gargantua and 
Pantagruel by Rabelais; Gulliver's Trav- 
els by Jonathan Swift]? 

Iscca definite relationship, certainly. 

ө. Would you state, please, what rela- 
tionship you see and how you see it? 

мк. WOLLENBERG: 1 think he h 
qualified as an expert on this, your Honor. 

rur corr: Well, he шау state what 
the relationship is that he sees. 

THE WITNESS: These works use often re- 
pulsive techniques and vocabulary to 
ke —to insist — that people will look 
the whole of things and not just one 
side. These artists wish not to divide the 
world in half and say one is good and 
one is bad and avoid the bad and accept 
the good, but you must, to be a r 
whole | you must sec all of life and 
see it in a balanced, honest way. 1 would 
include Mr. Bruce, certainly his 
tent, and he h 
did Rabelai: 


you know 
tent of Mr. 
night of October fourth, 


At ош 


college stude қ hed by the 
judge: they had been distributing the 


follow: leallet outside the courtroom: 


WELCOME TO THE FARCE! 
Lenny Bruce, one of Ame 

foremost comedians and social c 

is at this moment playing a 
ig part аз a sua 


a's 
tics, 


comedy put on by the City and 
County of San Francisco. 

Incongruously, in our urbane city, 
poor provincial farce, 
sensitively played by some of the 
city's most shallow actors. 

Bruce may be imaginative, but 
the dull-witted, prudish lines of the 
police department are not, neither 
re the old-maidish lyrics of section 
11.6 of the California Penal Code, 
which in genteel. puritan prose con- 
demns the users of — and 
nd other common ех 
part in the dreary 
Francisco Law 


pressions to pl 
melodrama of 
Enforcement. 

Really. we are grown up now. With 
overpopulation, human m 
the threat of war increasing, w 
rath adult performances from 


You know, and 1 know, all about 
the heros impure thoughts. We've 
probably had them ourselves. Mak- 
ing such a fuss isn’t convincing at 
all — it lacks psychological realism — 
as do most attempts to find а scape- 
goat [or sexual guilt feclings 
Forgive Lenny’ 
of us use it at times 


most of us even 
а perform the acts 
considered unprintable and unspeak 
able by the authors of [Section 311.6 
of the Penal Code of the State of 
California], though most of us 


usc the th 


L. 3 
play in this farce: the taxpayers have 
better uses for their money: and the 
little old ladies of both sexes who pro- 
duccitshouldhave beueramusements. 

With a nostalgic sigh, lers pull 
down the curtain on People ws. 
Bruce and its genre; and present a 
far more interestii ПЕНЕН 
play called Freedom of Speech. 1t 
would do our jaded ears good. 


The writer and d 


stributor of the leaf 
let were properly chastised. 

And so the trial continued. 

One of the witnesses lor the defense 
was Cher d been an 
assistant district ^ couple 
of years in Tulare County, Californ 


nd deputy district attorney for 
four 10 fouranda-hall years in San 
Mateo, where he evaluated ай рог 


nography cases that w 
district attoriey's office. He 
on “probably beween 200 
separate items of material in re 
the pornographic or nonpornog 
content thereo 

As with the od 
ests were not 
at the 
ile being crossexamined. about. the 
[vernacular for fellator|” reference: “In 
my opinion, Mr. Wollenberg, it was the 


referred to the 


ad passed 
nd 


inier- 
roused by my performance 
azz Workshop. In fact, he said. 


, his prurient 


129 


PLAYBOY 


180 your performance on the n 


ш Mr. Bruce said that 
Finally, 1 was called as a witness in my 
behalf. 1 took the stand, and Mr. 


h examined me. 
Mr. Bruce, Mr. Wollenberg yester- 
day said [to Dr. Gottlieb] specifically ul 
you had said, it.” Did you say t 
^. No, | never 
What did you say, Mr. Bruce? 
^. What did 1 
q. On the night of October fourth. 
MR. WOLLENBERG: There's no testimony 
that Mr. Wollenberg said that Mr. Bruce 
said, the night of October 
fourth, if your Honor ple: 
rur. covet: The ques 
he say? 
vue wrt 
tious. Mr 


y when? 


wx. ммен: Do you appiche 
there is a significant difference between 
the two phrases, Mr. В 

A. “Kissing it” and “eating it,” yes, sir. 
Kissing my mother goodbye and cating 
iny mother goodbye, there is а quantity 
of difference. 

Q. Mr. Wollenberg also quoted you as 
saying, "Im coming, Tm coming, I'm 
coming." Did vou say that 

A. 1 never said that. 

MR. BENDICH: . .. Mr. Bruce, do you 


recall using the term "[vernacular for 
lellator] 2 

A. Yes. 

9. Can you recall accurately now how 


you used that term? 

A. You n 
head — total recall? 

Q. Yes, Mr. Bruce. 

A. Ifa "the" and an "an" are changed 
around, no. 1 don't have that exact, on- 
the head rec: 


an accu 


cy right on the 


all. That's impossible; it's im 
possible, 1 defy anyone to do it. Tha 
impossible. 

9. Mr. Bruce, if a "the 
were turned around, as you h: 


d an 
e put it, 
cant difference 
n of what was said 


would chat imply а sig 


in the characteri: 
that evening 

A. Yes, yes. 

Q. Are you saying, Mr. Bruce, that ur 
less your words can be given in exact, ac 
curate, verbatim reproduction, that your 
meaning cannot be made clear? 

тик WITNESS: Yes, U true. 1 would 
like to explain that. The "I am coming, I 
am coming" reference, which I never said 
— we change — 

тик covkr: Wait a minute, wait a min 
ute, If you never said it, there's nothing 
to explain, 

тнк wriness: Whether that is a coming 
n the second coming or a different con 

- 


i court: Well, you 


it until your 

counsel's next question, now. 
wk. mexbiCH: Mr. Bruce, in giving 
шїн of Octo- 


ber fourth in the Jazz Workshop, as а 
consequence of which you suffered an 
arrest and as a result of which you are 
presently оп пілі on the charge of ob- 
scenity, did you intend to arouse any- 
body's prurient interest? 

a. No. 


There had been a tape recording 
made of that particular show. I listened 


to it, and when I came to the first word 
that San Francisco felt was taboo or a 
derogatory phrase. | stopped: then I 


went back about 10 minutes before I 
even started to rclate to that word, let- 
g it resolve itself; 1 did this with the 
three specific things | was cl 
put diem together and th 
tape was played i 
1 made to question 


. this tape 
ther's concept of 
God who made the child's body but 


qualified. the creativity by stopping it 
above the kneecaps and resuming it 
above the Adam's apple, thereby giving 
lewd connotations to mother’s breast 
that fed us and father's groin that bred 
us. 

Before the tape was played. Mr. Ben- 
dich pointed out (o the judge that 
“there are portions of this tape which 
are going to evoke laught 1 the au- 
dience. 

тне court: 1 
going to give that admonition. 

мк. BENDICH: Well, what I was going 
to ask, your Honor, is whether the aud 
ence might not be allowed (o respond 
rally, given the. circumstances. that. 
this is an accurate. reproduction. of a 
performance which i night. 
club: it's going to evoke comic response, 
па 1 believe that it would be askin 
more than is humanly possible of the 
persons in this courtroom not to re- 
spond humanly, which is to say, by way 
laughter. 

тне Court: Well, as I previously re- 
marked, this is not a theater and it is 
not а show, and Гат not g 

ny such thing. 1 anticipated you tl 
morning, and 1 was going to. lam 
now going to admonish the spectators 
uU з а per- 
fon not for your enter 
tainment. There's а very serious question 
involved here, the right of the Peo- 
ple and the right of the defendant. 
And I admonish you that you to 
control yourselves with regard to any 
emotions that you may feel during the 
hearing this morning or by the taping 
and reproduction of this tape. All right, 
you may proceed, 

And the tape was played: 

“The hungry i 
and Ameri 
They took 


ipated you; T was 


Пом 


TOE 


8 


с you are not to treat this 


This is 


ance. 


22. The hung 
has a Gray Line To 
can Legion conventior 
all the bricks out 
That's it 
is going to the Fairmont. 


You know, this was a little suobby 
for me to work. I just wanted to 
go back to Ann's. You don’t know 
about that, do you? Do you share 
that recall with me? It’s the first ¢ 
I ever worked up here, a place 
called Ann's 440, which was across 
the street. And I got a call, and 1 
was working a burlesque gig with 
Paul Moore in the Valley. Thats 
the cat on the piano here, which is 
really strange, seeing him after all 
these years, and working together. 

And the guy says, "There's 
place in San Francisco but they've 
changed the policy.” 

Well, what's the policy 

“Well, I'm not there anymore, 
that's the main thing. 


“Well, what kind of a show is 


d fag show 

“Oh. Well, that isa pretty bizarre 

show. 1 don't ow what 1 i 

that kind of a sho 
"Well, no. It's— we want you 

change all that.” 

“Well i don't — that's a 


Oh, I like you, and if some 
I take poetic license with you and 
you are offended — now this is ju 
with sem: s, dirty words. Believe 
me, I'm not profound, this is some- 
thing that 1 assume somcone must 
have 1. те, ° 1 do not 
have an original 1 am 
screwed — I speak English — that's it 
I was not born in a vacuum. Every 
thought 1 belongs to somebody 
ele. Then 1 must just take ding- 
ding-ding somewhere. 

So I am not placating you by m 
ing the following statemeni 
to help you if you have a dirty-word 
problem. There аге nonc, and ГЇЇ 
spell it out logically to you. 

Here is а toilet. Specificall 
that’s all we're concerned with, spe- 
cifics — if I tell vou a dirty toi 
let joke, we must have a dirty toilet 
Thats what we're talking about, a 
toilet. If we take this toilet and boil 
it and it’s clean, І can never tell you 
specifically a dirty toilet joke 
this toilet. 
toilet jok 
somethin; 
а сі 


about 
1 can tell you а dirty 
the Milner Hotel, or 
like that, but this toilet 
an toilet now. Obscenity is а 
hum This toilet 
hes no central nervous. system, no 
level of consciousness. И is not 
aware; it is а dumb toilet: it cannot 
be obscene: i'simpossible. It it could 
be obscene, it could be cranky. it 
could be а Communist toil 1 
torous toilet. It can do n 
things. This is a dirty toilet her 

So nobody can ever offend you bv 


lestation. 


"I don't know about your symphonies, Ludwig. but if 


these things calch on, youll be immortal!" 


PLAYBOY 


182 


telling you a dirty toilet story. They 
can olfend you in the arca that it is 
ийе; you have heard it many, many 
times. 

Now, all of us have had a bad early 
toilet training — that's why we are 
hung up with it. All of us at the 
same time got two zingers — one for 
the police department and onc for 
the toilet. 


you g to do that апу 
more? OK, tell the policeman he 
doesn't have to come up now." 

All right. now we all got “Police- 
man, policeman, policeman,” and 
we had a few psychotic parents who 
took it and rubbed it our face, 
and those people for the most, if 
you search it out, are censors, Oh, 
true, they hate toilets with à passion, 
mau. Do you realize if you got that 
wrapped around with a toilet, you'd 
hate it, and anyone who refers to it? 
It is dirty and uncomfortable to you. 

Now. if the bedroom is dirty to 
you, then you are a true atheist, be- 
cause if you have any of the mores, 
superstitions, il anvone in this audi- 
ence believes that God made his 
body, and your body is dirty, the 
fault les with the manufacturer. It's 
that cold, Jim, yeah. 

You can do anything with the 
body that God made, and then you 
it to get definitive and tell me of 
parts He made: I don't see that 
anywhere in any reference to апу 
Bible. Yeah. He made it 
clean or all dirty. 

But the ambivalence comes from 
ihe religious leaders, who are celi- 
bates. The religious leaders are 
“what should be." They say they do 
not involve themselves with the 
physical. If we are good, we will be 
like our rabbi, or our nun, or our 
priest, and absolv nd finally put 
down the carnal and stop the race. 

Now, dig, this is stranger. Every- 
body today in the hotel was bugged 
with Knightand Nixon, Let me tell 


vou the wath. The truth. is "what 
Í "what is" is, you h 


ve to sleep 
v, that is the 
People need no 
sleep at what is." If 
every politician from the bezinni 
is crooked, there is no crooked. 
But if you are concerned with a 
lic, * 1 “what 
should be" is ble, 
terrible lic that someone gave the 
people long ago: This is what should 
be —and no one ever saw what 
should be, that you don't need any 
sleep and you ca years 
without sleep, so that all the people 
re made to measure up to that 
ty lie. You know there's no 


truth. A 


go se 


crooked politician. There's never а 
lie because there is never a truth. 


I sent the Burnside Agency а let- 
ter — they are bonded and you know 
what that means: anybody who is 
bonded never steals from you, nor 
could Earl Long. Ha! If the gov- 
ernor can, then the bond is really — 
yeah, that’s some bond. 

Very good. Write the letter, Blah, 
blah, blah, I want this, blah, blah, 
blah, ticket taker. 

Get a letter back, get an answer 
back, Macon, Georgia: 

“Dear Mr. Bruce: Received your 
h, blah. We 1 
s. bonded. We cha 
two-and-a-half dollars per ticket 
seller, per hour. We would have to 
have some more details, blah, blah, 
blah. Sincerely yours, Dean R. 
Moxic." 

Dean R. Mowie . . . Dean R. 
Moxie .. . Moxie, buddy. Dean R, 
Мохіс, from the Florida criminal 
correctional institution for the 
eriminally insane, and beat up а 
spadeded junkie before he was 
thrown off the police force, and then 
was arrested for schrupping his step 
daughter, Dean. R. Moxie. Hmmm. 

All right, now, because I have а 
sense of the ludicrous, 1 sent him 
back an answer, Mr. Moxie. Dig, 
because 1 mean this is some of the 
really goodies I had in the lett 
you know. He wants to know details 

"Dear Mr. Moxie: It would be 
useless to go into the definitive, 
breakdown of what the duties wi 
be, unless 1 can be sure that the in- 
cidems that have happened in the 
past will not be reiterated, such as 
ket takers 1 hired. who 
claimed they were harassed by cus- 
tomers who wanted the y 
back. such as the fop in San Jose 
who is suing me for being stabbed. 
Claims he was stabbed. by an irate 
customer, and it was a lie — it was 
ust a manicure scissors, aud you 


couldn't see it because it was below 
the eyebrow, and when his eye was 
open, you couldn't see it anyway. 


(So I tell him a lot of problems like 
that) And—oh yes oh yeah — my 
father has been in three mental in- 
stitutions, and detests the fact that 
I am in the industry, and really 
abhors the fact that 1 have been 
successful economically and h 
harassed some ticket sellers, like 
Sacramento he stood in line posing 
as a customer and, lightuing flash, 
grabbed a handful of human feces 
and crammed it in the ticket taker's 
face. And once in Detroit he posed 
id he le 

the booth so the ticket seller could 
not sce him, and he was exposing 


s 


ned against 


himself, and had a sign hanging 
from it, saying: "WHEN WE HIT 5150. 
THE GUY INSIDE THE BOOTH 5 со 


то KISS тт. 

Now, youd assume Dean R. 
Mosie, reading the letter, would 
just reject that and have enough 
validity to grab it in again. 

“Dear Mr. Moxie: You know, of 
course, that if these facts were to 
fall into thc hands of some yellow 
journalists, this would prove a dete 
rent to my carcer. So I'm giving you, 
you know. my confessor, you know, 
bl: blah, blah. Also, this is not a 
requisite of a ticket seller, but ] was 
wondering if I could have a ticket 
seller who could be more than а 
ticket seller — a companion. 

Really light now. This is really 
subtle. 

“A companion, someone who I 
could have coffee with, someone who 
is not narrow-minded like the — I 
had a stunning Danish scaman type 
in Oregon, who misinterpreted me 
and stole my watch.” 

Ha! Ha, is that heavy? 

Stole my watch. Am hoping to 
hear from you, blah, blah, blah, 
Lenny Bruce. 

OK. Now I send him a booster 
letter. 

"Dear Mr. Moxie: My attorney 
said I was mad for ever confessing 
what has happened to me, you know, 
so I know that I can trust you, and 
sent you some cologne.” 


"Sent you some cologne, and 1 
don't know whats happened — 
Isn't this beautiful 
"And L don't know what's hap- 
pened to that naughty postman, 
naughtiest —" 

Get this phraseology. I had 

heard, you know. Now I get 
swer from him: 
We cannot insure the incidents 
that have happened in the past will 
not reoccur, A ticket seller that 
would socialize is out of the ques- 
tion." 

I think this is beautiful. 

"And | did not receive any co- 
logne nor do we care for any. Dean 
R. Moxie.” 


(With drum and cymbal accom- 
paniment.) 

To is а preposition. 

To is а preposition 

Come is a verb. 

То is a preposition. 

Come is a verb. 

То is a preposition. 

Come is a verb, the verb intransi- 
tive, 

То come. 

То come. 


(continued on page 186) 


ТІНЕ, ELIEVIENTEHHQUR SANTA 


last-minute yule largesse priced 92 from minuscule to munificent 


Under $10 — clockwise from noon: Playboy liquor caddy, by Playboy Products, $7.50. Buttondown shirt, by Van Heusen, $5. 
Snap-tob shirt, by Manhattan, $5. Ice tongs, $6.50, and bottle opener, $5.50, both from Alfred Dunhill. Stein, by Hoffritz, 
$9.95. Waterproof lantern, by Protect-O-Lite, $8.95. Gift certificate for hat, from Champ, $9.95. Wool muffler, by Handcraft, 
$5. Corkscrew-opener, by Hugo Bosca, $3.50. Belt, by Canterbury, $4. Cigarette box/lighter, by S.M.R. of California, $5. 
Silver-dollar decision maker, by Jolle, $6. Foreign-language dictionary set, from Dunhill, $9.95. Lined gloves, by Fownes, $9. 
Carving knife, by Bosca, $6. Pipe lighter, by Kaywoodie, $9.95. Magnifying glass, from Dunhill, $4.50. Pocket square, by 
Handcraft, $5. Investment ledger, from Dunhill, $9. Chess set, from Dunhill, $9.95. Jigger, from Abercrombie & Fitch, $9. 
Shaker, from Dunhill, $9. Socks, by Esquire, $1.50. Jigger-tongs combination, from Abercrombie & Fitch, $7.50. Walnut 
ashtray, from Dunhill. $6. Cotton-knit pajamas, by Weldon, $5. Clothesbrush, by Rigaud, $5. Wine goblets, by Riekes-Crisa, 
6 for $4.80. Clos de Vougeot 1955, $7.95. Montrachet 1961, $8.95. Record holder for wall mounting, by Record Tree, $9.95. 


$10 to $100 — clockwise from one: 5-cup electric blender, by Oster, 554.95. Executair 880 Trav-L-Bar, Бу Ever-Wear, $19.95. 
рада! sharpence іп fishingeres desean, жоры hose; by 'Apsco, 520. Game of Go, Бу Takashimaya, 919.95: uum, Sai, 
by 3-LCo., $19.95. Clock radio with alarm, Бу Zenith, $49.95. Wireless FM microphone, transmits up to 200 feet to any 
FM receiver, by Kinematix, $49.95. Tobacco humidor with brass fittings, by Rigaud, $45. Electric desk fon, by Braun, 
$19.95. Behind it: Brass-and-leather gyroscope clock, by Rigaud, $85. Sake Thermos set with 6 cups, by Mar Cal, $10.25. 
Ock barometer, from Brooks Brothers, $75. Walnut bar, Formica top, by Raymor, $60. Stainless-steel bar tools, from 
Abercrombie & Fitch, $49.95. In bar: Soda King syphon, by Kidde, $20. Center: Bob-O-link 2-man bobsled, water- 
proof cushion, by Withington, $35. On sled, from front: Wool-and-horsehide hunting mittens, trigger-finger opening, by 
Woolrich, $10. Adjustable lamp, by Stiffel, $45. Suede vest, by Mighty Mac, $29.95. Invitation to Venice, Trident Press, 
$19.95. The Cruel Sport, by Robert Daley, Prentice-Hall, $10. My Life and Loves, by Frank Harris, Grove Press, $12.50. 


$100 and up — clockwise from ane: Floor lamp, hand-carved walnut, by America Hause, $100. Model 200 4-track stereo tape 
recorder, by Sony, $239.50. Lighter, 14-kt. gold, by Dunhill, $190. Matched set af 3 pipes, with cose, by Dunhill, $123. 
Ship-wheel barometer, walnut and brass, by Salem, $100. Stainless-steel watch, waterproof, 17-jewel movement with sweep 
second hand, alligator band, by Lucien Piccard, $120. Model 515 citizens'-band transceiver, 5 watts, 5 channels, by Cadre, 
$199.95. On it: Hand-held transceiver, 1% watts, 2 channels, by Cadre, $109.95. Chrome-plated duck press, from Bazar 
Francais, $125. Leather swivel chair, mahogany arms, stainless-steel pedestal base, by Stuart John Gilbert, $495. Lamb's-wool 
coat, double breasted, nutria lined, with detachable beaver collar, by Baker, $800. Five-shot rifle, .222 magnum, stock of 
French walnut and rosewood, from Firearms International, $195.75. On safe: Model 400 stereo multiplex AM-FM radio, with 
AFC, motorized tuning, and remote-cantrol unit (also on safe), by Saba, $419.95. On radio: Autolaad 8mm movie camera, by 
Bell & Howell, $250. Center: Serving/carving set, stainless steel, bone handles, with case, from Hammacher Schlemmer, $235. 


PLAYBOY 


how to talk dirty (әлігі pom page ts 


Гус heard these two words my 
whole adult life, and as a kid when 
I thought Т was sleeping 

"Го come. 

“To come. 

Its been like a big drum solo. 

Did you come 

Dil vou 

Good. 

Did vou 

Did vou come s 

Did vou come 

Did you come g 


Did you 

Did vou 

Did you come g 

I come better you. sweet- 
heart, than anyone in whole 


goddamned world. 
really came so good. 
1 really c 
you 
I really came so good 
I come better with 
heart. than anyone in 
world. 


me so good ‘cause 1 love 


you. 
the 


sweet- 
whole 


I really came so good. so good 
But don't come in me. 
Don't come in me. 


Don't come in me. me, me. me, 
"t come in те, те, me, me. 

Don't come in me. 

Don't come in me, me, me. 


Don't come in me, me, ше, 
Т can't come. 


‘Cause you don't love me, that’s 
why you can't come. 

I love you. I just can't come: 
thats my hangup. I can't come 


when Em loaded. all right? 

"Cause you don't love me. Just 
what the hell ter with you? 
What has chat got to do with lov- 
142 1 just can't come, 
Now. if anyone in this room or 
the world finds those two words 
decadent, obscene. immoral, amoral, 
sexual, the to come" really 
make you feel uncomfortable, if you 
think I'm rank for saying it to you, 
you the beholder think its rank for 
listening to it, you probably can't 
come. And then you're of по use, 
because that's the purpose of life, 

th 


words 


to recre 


Ме. Wollenberg called me to the w 
ness stand [or crossesamination 
Mr, Bruce, had you a written script 


when you save this performance? 

A. No. 

MR. еммен: Objected to as irrelevant, 
your Hoi 


тик court: The answer is "No": it 


I have no further 


186 questions. 


2) 


тне cougr: All right, you may step 
down 
тик wirxcss: Thank you 
мк лї: The defense rests, your 
Honor. 


BENDI 


The time had come for the judge to 
instruct the jury 

The defendant is charged with vio- 
lating Section 311.6 of the Penal Code of 


the State of Californ ch provides: 


ы: > knowingly 
ings or speaks any obscene song, 
ballad, or other words in any public 
place is guilty of a misdemeanor.’ 


who 


сту person 


‘Obscene’ means to the average per- 
son, applying contemporary standards. 
the predominant appeal of the matter, 
taken as а whole, is to prurient interest: 
that is, a shameful or morbid interest in 
nudity, sex or excretion whieh goes sub- 
stantially beyond the customary limits of 
candor in description or representation 
of such matters aud is matter which is 
utterly without redeeming social impor- 
tance 

The words e person’ mean the 
adult person and have по rela- 
tion to minors, This is not a question of 
what you would or would not have chil- 
r or read, because that is 
beyond the scope of the law in this case 
and is not to be discussed or considered 
by you 


ех? and ‘obscenity’ are not synony- 
mous. In order to make the portrayal of 
sex obscene, it is necessary that such por- 
trayal come within the definition given 
to you, and the betrayal must be such 
that its dominant tendency is to deprave 
or corrupt the average adult by tending 
to create a clear and present danger ol 
antisocial behavior. 


Phe law does not prohibit the real 
stic portrayal by an artist of his subject 
matter, and the law may not require 
the author to put refined Language into 
the mouths of primitive people. The 
speech of the performer must be consid 
cred in relation to its зені 
theme or themes of his production. The 
blasphemy, foul or coarse Гап 
and vulgar behavior does not in 
aud of itself constitute. obscenity, a 
though the use of such words may be 
considered in arriving at a decision con- 
cerning the whole of the production. 
"Fo determine whether the perform- 
ance of the defendant falls within. the 
ion of the statute. à ua- 
must be the 
s a whole had as its domi 
1 appeal to prurient inter- 
ious factors should be borne in 
mind when applying this yardstick. 
These factors include the the 
themes of the performance. the de 


nd the 


conden 


ev 


tion made as to whether 
performance 
nant theme 


est, Va 


пе ог 


ree 


of sincerity of. purpose ıt in dt 
whether it has artistic merit. Hf the per- 
formance is merely disgusting or revolt- 
ing. it cannot be obscene, because 
obscenity contemplates the arousal of 
sex 


evide 


desire: 

A performance с 
utterly without redeemin 
tance if it has literary, 
thetic merit, or if it 
egardless of whether they a 
dox. controversial, or hatefu 
ing social importance. 

In the case of certain crimes, ir is 
necessary that in addition to the in- 
tended act which characterizes the of- 
fense, the act must De accompanied by 


mot be considered 


social impor- 
tistic ог aes- 
contains ideas, 
e uno, 
of redeem- 


a specific or particular intent without 
which such a crime may not be con 

mitted. Thus, in the crime charged 
here, a necessary element is the existence 


in the mind of the defendant of know 
ing that the material used in his produc- 
October 4, 1961. was obscene, 
and that. knowing it to be obscen 
presented such material in 
place. 
The intent with which an act is 
done is manifested by the circumstances 
attending the act, the manner in which 
it is done, the means used. and the dis- 
cretion of the defendant. In determining 
whether the defendant had such knowl- 
edge, you may consider reviews of his 
work which were available 10 him. stat- 
ing that his рено had artistic 
merit and contained socially important 
ideas, or, on the contrary, that his per- 
formance did not have any artistic merit 
and did not contain socially important 
ideas.” 


tion on 


. he 
public 


nec 


The court clerk read the verdict: 

“In the Municipal Court of the City 
and County of San Francisco, State of 
California: the People of the State of 
Calilo Plaintill. cs Bruce, 
Defendant: Verdict —" 

I really started to sweat it out ther 

“We, the jury in the above-entided 
cause. find the de at guilty of 

offense charged. ло wit: 
ig Section $11.6 of the Penal Code 
State of C : 
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, 
is this vour verdict? 

nr JURY: Yes. 
An 
the jury polled? 

MR. WOLLENBERG: No, your Honor. 

тик court: Would you ask the jury 
once again if that is their verdic 

THE CLERK: Ladies and gente 


Lenny 


THE COURT 


ht. Do you de 


пеп of 


the jury, is this you 
үні 


verdict 
JURY: Yes. 
ird! It's 


е saying, "Are 


y 


The most impressive letter I've ever 
received the 


came from view of St. 


Clement's Church in New York: 
January 13, 


1063 


Dear Mr. Bruce: 

I came to see you the other night 
because E had read about you and was 
curious to see if vou were really as 
penetrating а critic of our common 
hypocrisies as 1 had heard. 1 found 
that vou are an honest man. so 
times а shockingly honest m 
1 wrote you a note to say so. It is 


never popular to be so scathingly 
honest, whether it is from а night 
dub stage or from а pulpit. and I 


was not surprised to hear you were 
having some "trouble." This letter 
is written to express my personal 
concern and to say what T saw and 
rd on Thursday night. 

. 1 emphatically do not be- 
lieve your act is obscene in intent. 


The method you use has а lot in 
common with most serious critics 
(the prophet or the artist, not the 

of soc s of Jona- 


quite unprintable even now because 
they were forced to shatter the casy, 
ge of the day into the 


ry people in order to show up the 
nity of their time. 
but 


emptiness and ins 
(It has been said, humorously 
with some truth, that à great di 
the Bible is not fit to be r 
church for the same reason.) 
Clearly your intent is not to excite 
al feelings or to demean but to 
us awake to the realities of 
racial hatred and invested absurd 
ties about sex and birth and di 
22. to move toward sanity and com 
It is clear that you are in- 
gry at our hypocrisies 
(yours as well as mine) and ar the 
highly subsidized mealymouthism 
that passes as wisdom. But so should 
be anysell-respecting man. Your com- 
ments are aimed at adults and re- 
veal to me a man who cares deeply 
bout dishonesty and injustice and 
I the accepted psychoses of our 
time. They ar t adults and 
lults don't need, or shouldn't! 
anyone to protect them he 
ing truth in whatever form it 
pears no mater how noble 
motive for suppression... 
May God bless you, 
The Rev. Sidney Lanie 


h 


passion 
tenscly 


aimed 


р" 
the 


Reverend Lanier says that my com- 
ments “are aimed at adults.” Often 1 um 
billed at night clubs with a sign saying 


"rok ADULTS ONLY.” Lam very interested 


in the motivation for such billing. I 
must assume that "for adults only" means 
that my point of view, or perhaps the 


semantics involved with my point of 
view, would be a deterrent to the de- 


velopment of a welLadjusted member of 
the community. 

The argument is that a child will ape 
the actions of ctor. What he sees 
now in his formative years, he may do 
as an adult, so we must be very careful 
what we let the child see. 

So. then, 1 would rather my child see 
film than The Ten. Command- 
ments or King of Kings — because 1 don't 
want my kids to kill Christ when He 
comes back. That's what they see in those 
films — that violence. 

Well, let me ju 
а dirty movie: 

“АП right, kids, 
picture's gonna start. H's not like Psycho, 
with a lot of four-letter words, like "kill 
and ‘maim’ and "hurt — but you're gonna 
see this film now and what you sce will 


taki 


your kids to 


down now, this 


probably impress you for the rest of 
your lives, so we have to be very careful 
what we show you. ... Oh, it's a dirty 


movie. A couple is coming in now. I 
don't know if its gonna be as good 
Psycho where we have the stabbi 
the shower and the blood down 
drain. 
pillow. Now, he'll probably smoth 

with it, and that'll be a good opening. 
Ah, the degenerate, he's puting it un- 
der her ass. Jesus, tsk tk, 1 hate to 
show this crap to you kids, ANH right, 
now he's lifting up his hand. and he'll 
probably strike her. No. he's caressing 
her, and kissing her — аһ, this is disgust- 
ing! АШ інім, he's kissing her som 
ıd she's saying something, She'll 
probably scream at him. “бег out of 
here!” No, she's saying, T love you. Fm 
coming. Kids, Fm sorry 1 showed you 
thing like this. God knows this will 
be on my conscience est of my 
— there's a chance that you may do this 


the 
22. Oh, the guy's picking up the 


her 


more 


the 


TEM arr 


when you grow up. Well, just try to 
forget what vou ve seen. Just remember. 
what this couple did belongs written on 
the walls of a men's room. And, in fact. 
if you ever want to do it, do it in the 


men's room. 
I never did see one stag film where 
anybody got killed in the end. Or eve 


had 


slapped in the mouth, Or whe 
any Communist propaganda. 
Bur doing if is pretty rank. I under- 
stand intellectually that a woman who 
sleeps with a dillerent guy every night 
is more of a Christian than a nun, be 
caus s that cap: for 


she ha ity love — 


but emotionally Vm only the 365th guy 
arly 


. . < because D learned. my lesson 
...and you can't unlearn it. 

I know intellectually there's noth 
wrong with going to the toilet, but Í 
can't go to the t front. of. you 
The worst sound in the world is when 
the toiler-llush noise finishes before I do. 

If I'm at your house, 1 can never 
to you, “Excuse me, where's the u 
I have to get hu 1 corrupt 
facade of "Excuse me, where's the litle 


up with ul 


bows room; 

“Oh, vou m 
ha room, wh 
cough drops 


the tinkle-dinkle hı 
they have sachets and 
nd paste 
“That's right, T wanna crap.” 
Incidentally. 1 we that word in 
context. 105 nat obscene as far as nar 
cotics is concerned — that's the Supreme 
Court ruling on the picture The Can 
nection, In other words, il you do 
your pants and smoke it, you're cool. 


This is the fourth of six installments 
of "How to Talk Dirty and Tnflucnee 
People," the autobiography of Lenny 
Bruce. Part V will appear next month. 


7... PSST! Kind, help, prease. Am held plisoner in 
Japanese tape machine factory...” 


187 


PLAYBOY 


PLAYBOY PHILOSOPHY 


In a controversial report, an English 
group called The Religious Society ol 
Friends attacked the onus auached. to 
“a great increase in adolescent sexual 
intimacy” and premarital affairs. "lt is 
fairly common in both young men and 
women with high standards of conduct 
and integrity to have one or two love 
allairs, involving intercourse. before they 
find the person they will ultimately 
marry.” This, the report concluded. is 
not such a sin, "Where there is genuine 
tenderness, ап openness to responsi- 
bility and the seed of commitment, God 
is surely not shut out." 

The same month, Associated Press с 
ried а story. dacedined London, which 
reported that a pastor of the Church 
of England challenged religious taboos 
against extramarital sex sermon 
delivered from the pulpit of Southwark 
Cathedral in London, Canon D. А. 
Rhymes declared the traditional. moral 
code implied (har sex is unavoidably 


na 


tainted. “Yet there is no trace of th 
teach in the attitude of Christ.” he 
said. ‘He does not exalt virginity over 
marriage. or marriage over virginity — 


He merely says in one place that some 
have chosen virginity to leave them free 
for the work of the kingdom. 

“Nor does Christ ever suggest that 
stich, is undesirable or th: 
marriage is the only possible occasion of 
any expression of physical relationship." 
. Canon Rh said the moral 
code ol today is being ignored because it 
is outdated. “We need to replace the tra 
morality based up 
а morality which is related to the per 
son and the needs of the person. 227 
The pastor concluded that if we want to 
live full and healthful lives, “we must 
mphasize love 
personal and u 


sexuality, a 


me: 


tion: a code with 


n inflexible, im- 
ity. 
MORALITY AND THE STATE 


There is obviously much theological 
ireement. regarding sex in А 
cert 


ui: erica 
today and there is Шу no 
ngle sexual ethic to which even the 
most pious individuals in contemporary 
society would subscribe. In truth, each 
individual is apt to view the piety and 
morality of his fellows in terms of how 
closely the | to his, not their 


most 


confor 


own, religious ideals. 
But even 


all of the religious leaders 
of the n were of a single mind on 
the subject, it is clear that in this free 
democracy, they would have no right to 
ersal code of sexual conduct 
upon the rest of society. Our religious 
leaders, of every faith, can loudly pr 
claim their moral views to one and all, 
d attempt to persuade us as to the cor- 
ectness of their beliefs — they have this 
t and, indeed, it is expected of them. 


force a ui 


(continued from page 66) 


They have no right. however, to àt- 
tempt in any way to force their beliels 
upon others through coercion. And most 
especially, they have no right to use the 
power of the Government to implement. 
such coercion. Any such action would be 
undemocratic in the extreme — it would 
contradict our most fundamental con- 
cepts of religious freedom and the sepa- 
ation of church and state. It would 
frustrate the intent of our founding, fa- 
thers and their dream that all Americans 
should be forever free of the tyrani nd 
sion that, historically, have accom- 
1 church-state rule. It would op- 
pose the guarantees of the U. S. Consti- 
tution 

Since no such common agreement ex 
ists among the clergy of Ameri 
it is all the more incredible — if no more 
monstrous — to. consider extent. to 
which religious dogma iti 
have, all democratic ide 
tional guarantees to the contrary, found 
their way into our civil law. And nowhere 
is this unholy alliance between church 
and state more obvious than in matters of 
sex. In our most personal behavior, no 
cilizen of the United States is truly free. 
Moreover, many of the statutes deal- 
with sexual behavior in all of the 50 
states reflect the extreme antisexuality 
of the medieval Church and Calvinist 
Puritanism, with which an increasing 
number of the clergy of most religions 
re uo longer in agreement. The most 
common kinds of sexual behavior, en- 
wed in by the great majority of ош 
adult society, are illegal. Almost every as- 
pect of sex, outside of marriage, is pro- 
hibited by laws on fornication. adultery, 
cohabitation, sodomy. prostitution, asso- 
ciation with a prostitute, incest, delin- 
quency, contributing 10 del 
таре, statutory rape, assault and battery, 
public indecency or disorderly conduct. 
And though few realize it, every state 
but one (and that one, we are personally 
pleased to report, is Illinois) has statutes 
limiting the kind of sexual activity that 
1 be legally engaged in within mar- 
це as well, betwee: 


band and his 


wife. The precoital love play endorsed 
by most modern marriage manuals and 
family counselors on sex is prohibited 


by law in 19 states 
rrüage itsell is regulated through 
religiously inspired laws on divorce and 
igamy (although the Mormon religion 
endorses polygamy, it is outlawed by 
legislation passed by more powerful 
factions). Abortion remains ille 


under circumstances that seriously cz 
ir health and welfare, 


danger not only th 
but their very live 
Modern birth 


control devices and 


drugs are nowhere publicly advertised 
and a number of states have laws cu 
tailing or prohibiting their sales. In а 
recent article for Look on the impor- 
tance of the separation of church and 
state, the Reverend H. B. Sissel, Secre 
tary for National Affa of the United 
Church in the U.S.A., 
wrote ween states prohibit the 
sale or distribution of contraceptives ex 
cept through doctors or pharmacists: fiv 
states ban all public sale of such devices. 
Although these statutes were enacted 
the 19th Century under Protestant pr 
sure, times and attitudes have ch: 
for many Protestants. Today, they be 
lieve that С shave no right to keep 
such laws in operation. Some Catholic 
spokesmen have agreed that their church 
is not officially interested in trying to 
ke the private behavior of non-Catho- 
lies conform to Roman Catholic canon 
law. Meanwhile, the laws stay on the 
books. though they are being tested iu 
the courts. 
Church-stare legislation has made com: 
mon criminals of us all. Dr. Alfred Kin 
sey has estimated that if the sex laws of the 
United States меге conscientiously and 
successfully enforced, over 90 percent of 
the adult population would bc in prison. 
А [rcc society, through its government. 
passes and. enforces laws for the protec. 
tion and welfare of its individual men 
bers. Thus the state may sometimes quite 
properly prohibit certain actions — mur- 
der and theft, for example — that ave 
also condemued as immoral or sinful by 
religion. This overlap of secular and 
derical law is not, in itself, ану indica 
tion of the improper interinvolvement ol 
church and state. But secular law should 
be based upon ional concern. for 
the happiness and well-being of man 
whereas clerical law is based upon theol 
ogy or faith. It is only when sccular law 
is predicated on religions faith, 
than reason, that it is improper. 
The Ten Commandments provide the 
basic moral laws for both the Christ 
and the Jewish religions, and while the 
Commandments “Thou not kill" 
ad “Thou shalt not steal” have their 
logical counterparts in our secular law, 
protecting the individual citizens Ше 
and property, few would seriously sug 
gest that these ten Biblical pronounce: 
ments be into le 
statutes. The devout may accept “Thou 
shalt have no other gods before m 
may consider it a sin to “take the name 
of the Lord, thy God, in vain,” and may 
sincerely believe that we should “remem: 
to keep it holy; 
but only the smallest handful would want 
these religious laws turned into govern. 
mental ones; and only the most t 
parent would wish “Honour thy 
and thy mother" turned into a le 
From whence, then. comes the logi 
of turning the Sixth Commandment (or 


shalt 


turned, in toto, 


the Seventh, depending on your reli- 
gious affiliation), “Thou shalt not com- 
mit adultery.” into a criminal offense 
Only if one adheres to the ancient con- 
cept of the wile being the property of 
the husband, rather than an individual 
human being, can one justify such a 
law; and it is from this idea of the fe- 
male being a possession of the male. as 
ve previously noted, that the pro- 
hibition regarding adultery originally 
sprang. This is re-emphasized bv the 
last Commandment(s), in which а num- 
ber of specific possessions are mentioned, 


weh 


with the admonition, “Thou shalt not 
covet,” presumably listed in the order 
of their importance: “thy neighbour's 


house . . . thy neighbour's wife. nor his 
manservant, no aidservant, nor 
his ox, nor his ass. nor any thing that is 


In 
n bei 


thy neighbour's. 


society 
s free in- 
ning the 
t "Thou shalt 
^ into a secular law 


пос commit 


And how do we broaden igi 
Biblical implication to include. not only 


wives, but husbands as well? In the time 
of the Old Testament, it was accepted 
that the wealthy male should have m; 
wives and mistresses. We have shown 
that the broader antisexual implic "s 
were supplied by the medieval. Church 
and that it was in that time that th 
found their way from the clerical 


the secular law. But how did they find 
their way into our own law all 
of our righteous proc about 


religious freedom and the separ: 
our church and state in Ате 

And what of fornication? 
nothing in the Old Testament. or in the 
chings of Christ, that specifically p 

s all sex outside of wedlock. This too. 
wed. not from the Bible, but from 
the extreme antisexualism of the Middle 
Ages. Nevertheless, in 1963, 
supposed enlight i 


supposedly free. pre pro- 
hibited by law by most of the 50 United 
States. 


But it is not our place to point out 
the non-Biblical origins of the: i 
laws — for modern theological dogma 
tan be drawn [rom any source, or from 

ce at all. Neith intem 
to proclaim the moral desirability of 
her adultery or fornication. 1t is sim- 
ply our purpose, at this moment, 10 
point out the utter lack of just 
in the state making unlawful these pri- 

cts performed between two con- 
adults. Organized rel 


по sov 


en 


there may well be some logic in their 


doing so, since extreme sexual. permis- 
siveness is not without its negati 
pecs —but there can be mo possible 
justification for religion using the state 
to coercively control the sexual conduct 
of the members of a free society. 


Some sexual behavior is the proper 
concern of the state. In protecting its 
Citizens, the state has the right to pro- 
hibit unwelcome acis of sexual violence 
or 
protect the 
ploi 
ge. i 
essary 
free 


it also has the right to 
al ex- 


. Before а с 
dividuals lack. the maturity nec- 
for full participation in a 
society and so it i to 
have special legislation for the protec- 
tion of minors — although in matters of 
sex. our society is woefully 
about both the nature and needs of its 
youth and is. ivelf, largely responsible 
for perpetuating sexual turity and 
irresponsibility in our young. Society also 
has the right to prohibit. solely on the 
grounds of taste, public sexual activity or 
immodesty that may ре unw 
other members of 
though in this regard. 
tion that sexual anxiety. repres: 
amd shame traditionally accompany a 
society that possesses a false. or over- 
developed. sense of modesty and no simi 
lar psychological disturbances appear to 
accompany a social order that is, by our 
ndards. гє ely immodest. 

АП other sexual activity — specifically, 
all private sex between consenting adults 
— is the personal business of the individ- 
uals free society the 
state has no right to interfere. 

This is not the radical viewpoint that 
some readers may assume. It is shared 
by a great number of the religious 
leaders of America and represents di 
general wend i ious think 
garding sex in our contemporary society. 
This position was expressed recently by 
Father James Jones. a priest of the 
Episcopal Church. in a television debate 
on changing lity: 
Jones pointed out that whe 
gil ated а 


the со 
we should men- 


n. guilt 


volved and in 


sexual mora 


comes more difficult for reli 
and influence. 
As we have previ 


ion to reach 


noted, England 


is presently undergoing a Sexual Revo- 
lution quite similar to our own: their 
ar Pur produced a like 


e sex laws 


ted: “It is not the function of 
the state and the law to constitute them- 
is of private morality, and 
thus to deal with sin as such. which be- 
longs to the province of the church. On 
the other hand, it is the duty of the 
te to punish crimes, and it may prop- 
erly take cognizance of, and define as 
Giminal, those sins which also constitute 
offenses against public morality.” 

The now famous Wollenden Report 
was presented to the Bri 
n the fall of 1957 by a committee drawn 
from the clergy, medicine, sociology, 


psychiatry, and the law. under the ch 
manship of Sir John Wolfenden, C. B. E. 
The Wolfenden committee not only in 
duded members of the clergy, it sought 
Ivice and guidance from others in both 
the Anglican and Roman Catholic 
Churches. Thus, sev 


Arak ishop of 
report to the 


stminster, submitted 
committee th 

"I is not the business of the state 
to intervene in the purely private sphere 
but to act solely as the defender of the 
common good. Morally evil things so far 
as they do not affect the common good are 
not the concern of the human legislator. 

"Sin as such is not the concern of the 
state, but alfecis the relations between 
id God. Attempts by the state 
its authority а 
conscience, however 
lways fail and frequently. do 


ad invade the 


individual 
minded, 
positive harm.” 


The official Wolfenden Report to 
ment reflected these same views. 

As yet no significant British legislation 

аз resulted. 

т trend i 


tes 
pub- 
by the American 
ined a recommend. 
П consensual relations between 
should be excluded 
- The philosophy 
underlying this recommendation was 
stated to be that "no harm to the secul 
меге» of the community is involved 
in atypical sex practice 
tween consenting adult partie 
“there is the fundamental question of 
the protection to which every individual 
is entitled against state interference 
his personal affairs when he is not hı 
ing others. 
Although this Model Penal Code was 
published nearly nine years ago, no state 
yet resh tutes on se 
lin aded by 


lished early 1 
Law Institute con 
tion that 
adults 
from the crimi 


along 
Law 


the 
Institute. 

In the next ins 
boy Philosophy. 
some detail, the sexual activity currently 


the 


5 


allment of. The Play- 
we will consider, in 


prohibited by law in the 50 states and 


See “The Playboy Forum” in this issue 
Jor readers! comments — pro and con — 
on subjects raised in p install- 
ments of the “Philosophy 

Two booklet. reprints—the first in- 
cluding installments one through seven 
of “The Playboy Philosophy,” and the 
second, installments eight through twelve 
—are available at S1 per booklet. Send 
check or money order to rtavuov, 232 
E. Ohio $t., Chicago, Illinois 60611 


"inus 


189 


PLAYBOY 


190 companies; 


mm remembered 


hilarious confirmation of her credent 
as a gifted comedienne. 

Still tormented by а crippling sense 
of personal insecurity and professional 
inadequacy, however, she was unable to 


у 
diness. meanwhile, aggravated 
by insomnia and psychosomatic illne: 
growi 

along with the budgets of the pictures 
she was helpless to avoid delaying. 

Finally, in the wake of two misca 
kes. | hospitalizations for nerv 
ous disorders, a rumored romance with 
Yves Montand, and her subsequent 
spli-up with Miller, came the fateful 
production оГ Something's Got 10 Give 


sev 


April of 1962. Di ted | her 
orce, haunted. by groundless [cars of 
fading beauty and waning stardom, 


Marilyn managed to show up on the set 
only 12 times during the 32 days of 
production. It was then that studio 
executives — wary of which had 
and- 
nutes of finished film (including 
mous nude bathing sequence) — 
the decision which tolled the 
her l4-y career in Holl 
a was fired from the pi 
ture. Despondent, she withdrew to the 
seclusion of her home in Brentwood 
nd to the company of a few dose 
friends. A few weeks later, on the mori 
g ol August 5th, came the shocking news 
of her death from a seli 
overdose of Nembutal and chl 
drate — precipitating a world-wide wave 
of grief, gui 
friends, her doctors, her child- 
hood life, her stardom, Americas Puri- 
tanical heritage, the affluent society, even 
civilization itself. were variously held 
able for the tragedy. But Holly- 
wood itself bore the brunt of the blame 
n a veritable orgy of self-recrimination. 
om Tokyo to Tehran, meanwhile, the 
unique mystique which had made her 
a living legend survived. her death to 
become the elixir of a cult dedicated to 
her enshrinement. Necrophilic scavengers 
rent the wreaths laid at her grave іп 
Search of funeral souveni the ае 
of sleeping pill suicides rose 
1 the week following her d. 
es were penned for poetry maga- 
1 intoned in coffe : eerie 
nous portraits, depi irilyn 


costs 


made 
knell f 
wood: M 


d righteous d 


ting M 


ish product. of the billboards, 
15 and 


( street stalls in Pa 
2 two biographies we 


appeared 
New Yo 
pared for television; a movie profi 
clips from her films was distributed 
nationally as а full-length feature; LP 
albums of her breathy singing voice, 

scribed [rom the sound tracks of her 
icals, were released by two record 
and a play іп Rome re- 


[n 
mu 


(continued [rom page 106) 


created her final hours. 

But Marilyn’s memory, as we sce it, 
is best served by recalling her not as 
when she di 
lived. For she wi: 
the last memento she left bel 
en Something's Got to Give w 
abandoned in mid-production, and it 
seemed that her nude swimming se- 
quence might never be seen by the pub- 
lic. Marilyn authorized photographers 
Lawrence Schiller and Will 
Woodfield — who shot all the scene stills 
from nished film —to release 
the color photographs of her celebrated 
skinny dip. “I want the world to see 
my body," she told a friend. Published. 
in Life and clsewha 
the pictures more 
pride: At 36. her figure was smooth 
svelte, her face slender, suffused with 
kind of ether 
looked lovelier. 

But the most revealing shots from th 
scene. including the only nudes, wi 
withheld by Marilyn for publication 
exclusively in pra ynoy. which purchased 
them from the photographers lor 
SS possibly the highest price eve 
1 for a single pictorial feature. We 
had planned to run it in our Decembe 
1962 issue with Marilyn on the cover in 
a provocative seminude pose for which 
she had agreed to do а special sitting. 
But on Thursday of the week befor 
the shooting, Fditor-Publisher Hef 
received a personal call from her private 
secretary informing him without expla- 
that Marilyn had changed her 
bout the cover. Sunday sh 
was found dead in her В wood hom 

In a strange postscript, photographers 
Schiller and Woodfield returned to the 
Hollywood studio after lunch the fol- 
lowing day to find that an unmarked. 
unstamped envelope had been pushed 


ed but when she 
hed to be remembered 
id: 


under the door in their absence. In it 
were a series of additional nudes — 
Marilyn's favorites — which she had 


promised to tu to them for 


8 over 


inclusion in our scheduled feature. Be- 
cause of her death, of course, we post- 
poned our plans indefinitely. 

But 16 months have softencd thc 
memory of the tragedy, and we are 
proud to present the photos now, in fit 


ting commemoration of the 10 years of 
publication which Marilyn inaugurated 
as our first Playmate 
tribute to her endu 

We add one final, affectionate remem 
brance to this evocative picture gallery: 
a composite word portrait of. Marilyn 
assembled from her own views about 
herself, and from the observations of 
those who knew her during the y 
of her reign. Though this biograph 
mosaic does not attempt to captu 
essence of her incomparable in 


cence, we feel it does afford touching 
insight into the lonely, lovely woman 
behind the voluptuous façade. 

Leon Shamroy, the 20th Century-Fox 
cinematographer who shot the screen test 


which led to her first studio contract: “1 
got a cold chill. This girl had something 
1 hadn't seen since silent pictures. She 


had a kind of f: uty like € 
nd she radiated sex like | 
Harlow. She didn’t need a sound tr 
to tell her story.” 

June Haver, who starred in Love N. 
міс comedy in which Ma 
played а memorable bit part: 
remember one scene where she was sup- 
posed to be sunning in the back yard 
of this apartment house. Well, when she 
walked onto the set in her bathing suit 

nd over to the beach chair, the whole 

crew. gasped, gaped, and seemed to tw 
10 stone. She was always nervous and 
shy, but with the warmth of the crew's 
reaction, she suddenly seemed to be 
another person. She became completely 
uninhibited in her movements — grace- 
Tul and seductive at the same time. Mind 
you, movie crews are quite used to seeing 
starlets in brief costumes. In all my yea 
at the studio, ГА never seen that happen 
before. She had that electric something. 

An ymous Hollywood press agent: 
‘She does two things beautifully: She 
walks. and she stands still. She's the only 
actress who makes her greatest entrances 
when she 

Henry Н 
n Niagara: 


tastic E 


ЕЯ 


v. who directed M. 
"She can make any move, 
almost 


Roy Craft, her onetime press a 
"She had such magnetism that if 15 
men were in a room with he h man 


would be convinced he was the one she'd 
be waiting for after the others left.” 
Jean Negulesco. who directed her in 
How to Marry a Millionaire: 
sents to man sometl П want in 
our unfulfilled dreams. She's the gil 
you'd like to double-cross your wile with. 
А man, he’s got то be dead not to be 


She repre- 


g we a 


excited by her.” 
Authoress Diana Trilling. writing in 
Redbook: “Hollywood, Broadway, the 


ht clubs all produce their quota. of 
x queens, but the public takes them or 
leaves them; the world is not as enslaved 
by them as it was by Marily 
because none but she could si м such 
а purity of sexual delight. The boldness 
with which she could parade herself and 
yet never be gross, her sexual flamboy- 
ance and bravado which yet breathed an 
air of mystery and even reticence, her 
voice which carried such ripe overtones 
of erotic excitement and yet was the 
voice of a shy child—these anomalies 
to her gift. And they de- 
a young woman trapped in a 
never 1. ness. Even 


nd of u 
while she symbolized extreme of 


Monroc, 


nevei 


м: 


Sexual knowingness, she took cach new 
newborn babe. 


circurastance of Ше like а 
And this is wh made her luminous. 
‘The glow was not rubbed off by the ugli 


ness of life because finally, in some vi 
depth, she ha untouched by it.” 
ы "Miss Monroe 


has an extraordinary gilt of being able 
to suggest one moment that she is the 
naughtiest little th next that 
shes perfectly li 

leaves the theater gently titil 
tement by not 


а state of cs 


t because they won't 


let her. She's frightened to death of that 


public which thinks she is so sexy. My 
God, if they only knew." 
Philippe Halsman: 


y's most phenomenal 
ҮР Most people think 
the reason was self-evident, especially 
when she wore a snug evening gown. 
But there are other girls who have out- 
Marilyn's 
th 
hetic, 


Her inferiority complex, her 
almost childlike need for security 


knew then what 1 had known when 1 
was 13 and walked along the sea edge in 
a bathing suit for the first time. 1 knew 
І belonged to the public and to the 
world — not because | was tilented, or 
eve ful. but because 1 had never 
belonged to anyone else. The public was 
the only family, the only Prince Charm- 
iy, the ошу home 1 had ever dreamed 
bout. | didn't go into the movies to 
make money. 1 wanted to become famous 
so that ev 4га 
be surrounded by love and affection. 

Evelyn Moriarty, Marilyn's stand-in: 
y little thing 1 did for her, she w 


beaw 


гуопе would like me а 


“An m 
appreciative. She treated me more like 
а friend than а studio associate. Belore 


1 would go into a scene to stand in for 
her, she would come over and fix my 
and my clothes and she'd give me 
the motivation for the scene, so 1 would 
know what | was doing. She was my 


Poet Carl Sandburg 

usual movie idol. 1 
mocratic a 
type who would join 


not 


and wash 
supper dishes even if you didn't 
She was a good talker. There were realms 
of science, politis and economics in 
which she мази at home, but she spoke 
well on the national scene, the Holly- 

d on people who are good 
to know and people who ain't. We 
agreed on a number of things. She 
sometimes threw her arms around me, 


wood scene 


like people do who like cach other very 
much. Too bad 1 was 48 years older 
1 couldn't play her leading man." 
Peter Lawlord: "She liked 
маг. But she never put on 
snobbish pretenses with us. She was a 
marvelous, warm human being, won- 


derlul to be around. She was the 
friendliest kind of person, always look- 
ing for a party, a good time. You 


know what she liked о do best? 1 
йуп had а natural kind of hu 
d qu som that just 
bubbles up out of nowhere. If she had 
fits of dep were behind 
closed doors. Sure, she was sometimes 
unhappy about hei 
who is seriou 
way occasionally. She had an intense 
desire to be better than she was” 
Nunnally Johnson, her writer producer 
How to Marry a Millionaire: lyn 


made me lose all sympathy for actresses 
In most of her takes she was сі 
ing lines or freczii She didn’ 
1, her lines. 1 don't th 
act her way out of a p; 
has no charm, delicacy She's 
just an arrogant Little tai] switcher who's 
learned how to throw sex in w 

Billy Wilder, who directed М 
in The Seven Year lich and Some Like 
п Hot: "She's b: good girl, 
but what's happened to her is enough 
to drive almost anybody slightly dally. 
even someone whose background has 
armored her with poise and calm 
Bur you take 1 Marilyn, whos 


s. 


never really had a chance to learn, 
who's never really had а chance to live, 
W vou suddenly confront her with а 


pkenstein’s monster of herself built 
and notoriety, 
lile mixed up 


“Why resolve to be good this coming year when 


everything's stacked against you?! 


191 


PLAYBOY 


192 


and made giddy by it all." 

A rend of Marilyn's. speaking 
about the ellicicy of psychotherapy as а 
cure for her tardiness: "It. didit. help. 
She always walked in when the hour was 
almost over. Then, too, when she was 
late she felt guilty, and since she always 
felt guilty, she felt comfortable that way. 
IC was easier for Marilyn 10 take guilt 
than respons (5 

Wilder. recalling Marilyn's attend- 
ance during the filming of The Seven 
Year Heh: "You can figure a Monroe 
picture is going to тип an extra few 
hundred. thousand. dollars because. she's 
coming late. Of course, 1 have an Aunt 
Ida in Vienna who is always on time 
to the second, but her Т wouldn't put 
n a movie. Anyway, 1 dont think 
Marilyn is late on purpose, and its 
mot because she overslecps. Its because 
she has to force herself to come to the 
studio. She's scared and uusure of her- 
sell. Í found myself wishing that 1 wer 


“Oh, dear! We hae 


wt got enough hangers! 
£ g 


a psychoanalyst and she were my p 


tiem. lt might be that 1 couldu't have 
helped her, but she would have looked 
lovely on a couch." 
Admitted Marilyn: “It makes some- 
thing iu me happy to be late. People 
re waiting for me. People 


1 remember all the ye 
unwanted, all the hundreds of 
nobody w 
girl, Norma Jean — not even her mother 
And 1 feel à queer satisfaction in punish- 
the people who are w 


times 
ated to see the little servant. 


But its not them I'm really pun- 
ishing. Its the longzgo people who 
didn't want Norma Jean. The later I 


m, the happier she grows. To me, it's 
remarkable that I get there at all.” 

Sir Laurence Olivier: "It can be no 
news to anyone to say that she was dilli- 
cult to work with. Her work frightened 
d although she had undoubted 
talent, E think she had a subconscious 
resistance to the exercise of being an 


her. 


actress, But she was intrigued by its 
mystique and happy as а child when 
being photographed; she managed. all 
the business of stardom with unc 
appar 
he said, however: "I feel as though 
it's all h: ing to someone right next 
to me close, 1 can feel it, 1 can 
hear it, but it isn’t really me.” 

Maurice Zolotow, in his 1960 biog- 
raphy of Marilyn: “A great force ol 
mature, she was becoming a victim of 
the propaganda machine, of her own 
gle to build herself up. About her 
Ted a hurric 


clever 


ease 


aud she was its 


eye. She lor acy, but she had 
murdered privacy, as Macbeth had 
murdered sleep. Her time was not hers. 
And her personality was not hers." 


Said Marilyn: 71 don't want to play 
sex roles anymore. I'm tired of bei 
known as the girl with the shape. Mil- 
lions of people live their entire lives 
without finding themselves, but it is 
something 1 must do. The best way to 
find myself as a person із to prove to 
pell that I'm an actress. 

Lee Strasberg, creatordirector of the 
Actors Studio. who took Marilyn under 
his personal wing: "E saw that what she 
looked like was not what she really was, 
m ide her was 
t was B L that 
always means there may be somethin 
there to work with. In Marilyn's 
the reactions were phenomenal, She can 
call up emotionally whatever is required 
Her 
more nervous thin any other actress 1 
have ever known, but nervousness, for 
an actress is not à handicap. lt is a sign 
of sensitivity. Marilyn had to learn how 
to channel her nervousness, this wild 
flow of energy, into her work. For too 
long she had been living for the news- 
papers, for that publicity. She had 10 
live for herself and her work. 

s built herself a career 
something. 
up mind to 
It’s like herring alamode. Put the choco- 
late ice cream on the herring and vou 
spoil the ice cream, and. the herring is 
по damn good either. They're uying to 
elevate di to L 
exist, The lines the public r 
from her are uot written in j 

Joshua Lc another of Marilyn's 
mentor-friends, and the director of Bus 
т (им Studio-period picture; "lt 
зе of our pr that 


dé 


ase, 


for She is 


sce 


and shes 


her understate, 


we 


has no talent Marilyn is as near 
is as any actress 1 ever kuew. She 
is an artist beyond artistry. She is the 


most completely realized. and а 
film actress since Garbo. She 
athomable mysterious 


A Hollywood 


friend: here were 


moments when she thought her acting 


was good. But for the most part she 
was terribly critical of her work. She 
ted everything to be so perfect" 


Evelyn. Moriarty She would alway 
iry to do something above and beyond 
what others might do, But people didu't 
realize how nervous she really wa. 
People on the sec didu't know it. but 


she me breakfast. she'd have to go to the 
rest room and threw up. she was so 
nervous.” 

Bill Travilla. Marilyn's dres de 


ү: "On the she was still 
a happy gitl But those who criticized 
her # w her as 1 did, crying like 
1 baby because she often felt herself so 


surface, 


ever а 


inadequate. Sometimes she suffered 
terrific depressions. and would eve 
talk about nally, when 
she had onc of these spells at home, 
shed telephone me in the middle of 
the night. and Fd talk her out of it 
or when 1 couldn't and was afraid 


shed do what she finally did. Pd 
dressed. her place and t 
to her. this great dear 
becoming unbalanced 
her mother 
cause of her family history 
mean shed ever sulfer the 
that utiful, hale, 
1 succesful. But she said to me 
night, "Promise me one thing. 
Billy; if appens to me, you 
come over and get me and dont let 
people se just hide me 
ere’ D had to promise 
On her release in March of 1961 [rom 
Manhattan s Payne Whitney Psychiatric 
Clinic, where she had been under at- 
nent for severe depression since shortly 
divorce decree from. Miller 
became final in January, Marilyn said 
Hippantly to reporters: “Just before 1 
leit. I told all those doctors they should 
have their heads examined.” 

\ Fox executive. after the c 
of Something's Got 10 Give: "She's sick, 
but it’s not a physical sickness. It's 
оше she can't control. 1 dont 
think she will ever work 

The Associated Press, August б, 1962: 
rortywoon— Blonde and beautiful 
morous symbol of 
. died 


drive чо 
She 
mentally 


had 


like 
га rell her that just be- 


it didnt 
пе late, 
hearty 


she was һе 


som 


wl 


ter her 


icellation 


nude in bed, a probable suicide. She was 
36. The Jong:troubled star chuched a 
telephone in one hand, An empty bottle 
of sleeping pills way nca 
Artur. Miller: “It had to happen. 1 


by. 


didn't know when or how, but it was 
inevitable. 

Followin tempt, 
Marilyn h friend: “The 


full reason for my trying to kill myself 
as simply that 1 didn't want to live. 
There was 10 much pain in living. 
When they restored me to life after my 
second suicide attempt, 1 felt very angr, 


“ 


| thought people had no right to make 
you live when vou didn't want to^ 
Jean Cocteau: “This atrocious death 
will be a terrible lesson for those whose 
principal « ion consists in sp 
on and tormenting the film stars" 
An official of the Hearst newspaper 


syndicate. exulting over record. seasonal 
in the week following her 
"m just as sorry as the next 


fellow about Marilyn Bat 


long as she had to do it, what a break 
that she did it in August. 

Sir Laurence Olivier: “She was the 
complete victim of ballyhoo and sen- 


sation. Popular opinion and all that 
goes to promote it is a horrible 
Steady conveyance for lile, and she was 
exploited beyond anyones means.” 
“Marilyn Monroe 
victim of Hollywood. It g th 
and it killed her. 

Hedda Hopper: “I suppose all the sob 
sisters in the world will now start to go to 
work. In a way, we're all guilty. We built 
her np to the skies we loved her, but 
we left her lonely and afraid when she 


needed us most. 


E 


to her 


Ben Hecht: “The legend is that 
Marilyn Monroe was a тоуіс star 
‘wrecked by Hollywood, driven to 


de 


pair by the obliterating glare of fame, 


and by fear thar this glare was vanishing: 
and who was further stricken Dy the 
failure of her last two marriages. It 

Ve that way, Marilyn had been 


«Кей by the circumstances of her life 
since the age of five. The truth. about 
Marilyn Monroe is that she was saved 
by Hollywood. Fame saved her. The spot- 
light beating on her 21 hours a day 
made the world seem livable to her. She 
lived iu the midst of her fame as if she 
were more a poster than а woman, but 
the unreality never hurt her. It was Uu 
only world h she could thrive. 
The 1 world held only hobgoblins for 
her, terrors that harried her nights. The 
movies did not destroy Marilyn: the 
gave her a long and joyous reprieve 
hom the devils which hounded her 
earlier years, and which came back to 
hound her in the end. 

Novelist Ayn Rand: “If there was 
ever a victim ol society, Marilyn. Mon- 
oc was that victim — of a society that 
professes dedication to the relict of 
the sullering but Kills the joyous. ‘The 
cvil of а cultural atmosphere is made 
Dy all those who share it. Anyon 
has ever feh resentment: ay 
good for being the good, 
voice to it, is the murderc 
Monroe.” 


n wh 


ıd has given 
of. Marilyn 


Diana Trilling: “She was not pri 
marily a victim. of Hollywood commer- 
cialism, nor of exploitation, nor of the 


inhumanity of the press. She was not 
nar- 


victim of the 
that so regul 
business of 


even primarily а 
cssistic inflation 
tends the grim 


great screen. personality. Primarily, she 
victim of her biological 
m of life isell, a tragedy 


victim. a vi 


of civilization. 
: “Marilyn Monroe's 
sma was the force that 
caused distant men to think that if only 
a wellintentioned, 


understanding 


per 
iik nis сонш Lose Уе 
would have been all right. In death, it 
has caused women who before resented 
her Iroliesome sexuality to join in the 
unspoken plea she leaves behind — the 
simple, noble wish to be taken seriously.” 

Lee Strasberg. im his eulogy at her 
funeral: "In her own lifetime she created 
a myth of what à poor girl hom a de- 
prived background could attain. For the 
entire world she became a symbol of the 
eternal feminine, But 1 have no words 
to describe the myth and the legend. 1 
did not know this Marilyn Monroe. For 
us, Marilyn was a devoted and loyal 
wy reaching 
for perfection, She was a member of our 
Гау. Wi ПЕШТІ 
ics and some of her joys. It is dillicult to 
cept the fact that her zest for life h 
been ended by this dreadful accident. 1 
m truly sorry th 
her did not have the opportunity to see 
her as we did. in many of the roles that 
foreshidowed what she would have be 
come. Without doubt, she would have 
been one of the really great actresses of 
the stage. Despite the heights and bril- 
iance she had attained on the screen 
was planning for the future. In her eyes 
and in mine, her cree just begin- 
ning. Now it is all at an end. J hope that 
her death will stir sympathy and u 
nding sensitive 
woman who brought joy and pleasure 
to the world.” 

Diana Trilling: "She was alive in a 
way med the rest of us. She 
communicated such 4 charge of vitality 
s altered ош tion of lif 
which is the job a wer of art. 

In a touching Life magazine interview 
published the week her death, 
Marilyn said: "1 used to get the [celi 
Ш get it, that 1 w 
іш somebody — 1 don't know who or 
t— maybe myself. 1 have (ейін 
s when there are scenes with 
lot of responsibility, and ГІ wish, gee, 
1 would have been а 
woman. Fame to me is only : 
and partial happiness; 
fulfills me. It warms yo 
ing is temporary. It might be kind 
of a relief to be finished. 17% sort of like 
you don't know what kind of a yard 
dash you're running. and then you're at 
the finish line and you sort of sigh— 
you've made it. But fame will go by- 
and so long, Гус had you, lame, Fve 
always known it was fickle. 


shared her p: 


t the public who loved 


she 


st lor а 


now g 


be 


and sometimes Í s 
fool 
wl 
some d 


ч 


only cle 
temporary 
that’s not vi 


а bit, but the 


193 


PLAYBOY 


194 ing face and fig 


VARGAS GIRL 


one better, his paint and brush com- 
bined the actuality of a woman with the 
dream of the artist, "creating" on his 
canvas à composite of the two, love 
seen through the eyes of 
The Vargas Gil 

"The outbreak of the 
cut short his European idyl, and he was 
forced to set sail for home. No ship 
being immediately available for South 
America, Vargas went to New York, in- 
tending to travel to Lim the 
But once he had seen the Am 
with their bright dresses, and. brighte: 
faces, and the sunlight dancing in their 
hair, he stayed on, over his family's 
protests, Cut off from the world and the 
people he knew, barely speaking the 
language of his adopted land, he began 
to paint, taking any job — however me- 
nial or void of glamor — that would allow 
him to ply his talents. It was while he 
held such acquaintance of 
tired in beret and 
smock in a shopwindow, painting the 
portrait o[ a girl in a Spanish shawl 
to promote Corona typewriters— and. 
»ught his work to the fabulous show- 
attention, Of this relationship, 


st World War 


from 


icgfeld was at the height of 
his extraordinarily brilliant career, and 
I but in the formative — the embryonic — 
stage of my own, he quickly became my 
friend and mentor. Soon — though 1 did 
oL know it at the time — his uncanny 
ie of beauty and art, his sensitive 
approach to nudity on the stage or on 
canvas, his never-ending struggle for per 
fection in everything he undertook were 
to launch me on an upward-climbing 
path in шу own work from which I 
would never deviate.” 

Thus began the longest and most daz- 
ı parade of the most beautiful girls 
the world has ever seen — through the 
door of his studio. То name them all 
here would be impossible, To state who, 
in our opinion, was the most beautiful 
would make is take his golde pple 
and fly to shelter in the hidden caves of 
Olympus. Yet to pass them by without 
mention would be unforgivabl 
idea of our difficulty іп choosing. the 
loveliest. of all may be discovered by 
observing the girls pictured on these 
pages 

From Vargas’ notations on these 
ious portraits, we compiled, in 
artist's own words, the follow 
bout these 


"Though 


some 


ar- 
Ше 


mation 


era. 

"Ruth Fallows — 1925. Ruth, a dancer, 
most typified the Чо id-ivory 
linc" of the Ziegfeld chorus. Ten strik- 
re, her anim 


(continued [rom page 10) 


appealing personality inspired several 
paintings 1 made of her for the nabob 
of show business. This one, too, was 
intended for Ziegfeld, but 
completed, I changed my 
mind and selfishly but happily used it 
to decorate my pad, instead. 

“еріне Chair’ — 1920. This tall, grace- 
ful fashion model, whose name unfor- 
tunately, has fled my memory, had 
pirations of joining the Follies ranks. 
However, had I shown this picture to 

such was the prudery of the 
aties that she and I would have both 
landed in the clink, so 1 prudently left 


it in my collection. 
“Anna Mae Clift — 1920. 1 followed 
this girl down Broadway one day in 1919, 


having appointed myself u 
scout for Ziegfeld, and tracked her to 
the Shubert Theater where John Mu 
Anderson held sway over his Greenwich 
Village Follies. She cooperated willingly 
to sit for this painting, and at its com- 
pletion [ rushed to gfeld to show 
him the kind of showgirl he ought to 
have in his productions. He agreed with. 
me wholeheartedly, and asked me to 
send her over for an interview. To my 
surprise, she refused, nor could all my 
cajoling and pleading make her ‘walk 
the gangplank to the New Amsterdam," 
She would, however, pose for me when- 
ever I asked her, without accepting a fee, 
to help the struggling artist. She became 
my favorite model and my constant in- 
iration, and on June 9, 1930, she 
me the present Mrs. Vargas. 
"Composite! — 1995 an effort to 
keep a record of the beauty of the time: 
I painted this for my own satisfaction 
utilizing the best features of each of the 
models Ше! ilable to me. The mask, 
of course, not represent anybody's 
portrait: it is there simply to convey 
state of my own feelings as I viewed the 
remainder of the painting: ‘Ummm! 
‘Shirley Vernon — 1927. A dancer in 
the chorus, she was most willing to pose 
for hours at After 
painting her for Zi 1 did this one 
the first in what L hoped would be a 
series of cigarette ads 1 could peddle to 
Madison Avenue. More than the sight 
of real silk stockings and the disarray ii 
the chemise was behind the failure of 
my pla he eycbrow-raising feature 
of the painting that defeated my scheme 
was the fact that it was considered s 
dalous in those days for women to smoki 
‘Fleurs du Mal’ — 1920. Follies girls 
normally received $50 an hour for pos- 
ing, but by agreement with Ziegfeld I 
could paint them without paying the fec. 
Though this was originally slated for my 
private collection, it was eventually pur- 
chased by Paramount Pictures to adver- 


у 


doe: 


need be. 


me 


tise a Marlene Dietrich movie, but пог 

s you sec it. In order to avoid 
scandalizing the moviegoing public, I 
had to do а bashful Nellie coverup job 
and render the girl ‘presentable, 
delen Henderson — 1926. On and off 
the boards of the New Amsterdam, this 
Zicgleld showgirl was one of the most 

ninhibited and absolutely delightful 
15 Гус met, and possessed of that 
nearly perfect symmetrical figure that 
artists always seck and seldom find. 
intelligent as she was beautiful, she 
would discuss art and amatomy at the 
drop of a chemise, This portrait she 
herself. commissioned, to hang in her 
bedroom. Despite my arrangement with 
Ziegfeld, she insisted on paying me, in 
h, for doing wl Í would have been 
willing to pay Лет to do. From that day 
on, I Теге in Santa Claus. 

“Marie Prevost — 1921. “This — made 
for my own collection — is the result of 
a chance meeting in a New York office 
while discus a series of illustrations 
for a forthcoming Mack Sennett produc- 
Something about this girl made 
think of Scheherazade, that exotic 
ture of The Arabian Nights, and 1 
asked her if she would pose for me in 
that guise, She was, as you can see, only 
too happy to oblige. 

“Gladys Loftus — 1923. This very in- 
tellectual and feminine showgirl, after 
ng ‘dressed’ for the portr 


now 


в! 


me 
a 


g for Ziegfeld, a gl 
length illustration, nevertheless re- 


mained at my studio, unencumbered by 
complex Follies costume, to give her 
luable assistance іп the creation of 
this portrait. 

“Olive Thomas — 1920. She was one of 
the most beautiful brunettes that Zie 
feld ever glorified. Luckily — as was my 
hübit— I made this for my own collec- 
tion after doing two or three others of 
her for the master. She went to Holly. 
wood shortly thereafter — а natural move 

п the days when Ziegfeld's reputation 
а connoisseur of feminine pulchritude 
was worldwide — and there met and 
married Jack Pickford. 1 say ‘luckily’ I 
made this portrait because there was to 
be no opportunity to do so ever again. 
for me or any other artist. She journeyed 
to Paris with her husband and— trag- 
Пу- died there a short time later. 

Vargas’ years with Ziegfeld, however, 
were not always a carefree Islamic 
parad 
‘With regard to my work, I tho 
I had nothing to hide. If a girl sitting 
for me chose to bring along a boyfriend, 
1 never objected. There was no reason 
why I should have. And so, the eve 
a gorgeous blonde Follies creature was 
posing seminude for her portrait, 1 sim- 
ply followed my policy never to ask 
questions of a personal nature and 


proceeded with my work in silence. Sud- 
denly — audible at studio's 
story distance from street — there 
came a horrendous pounding at the 
downstairs door and a simultaneous pro- 
longed ringing of my bell, Instinctively 
1 knew the predi 2 there 
would be no usc ı drunken 


my 
the 


Q 


ckly. in frantic counterpoint 10 
the sounds of the hefty janitor struggling 
with dwindling success with the mter- 
loper outside my door, 1 shoved the girl 
nto my closet, in which was crammed 
all my equipment, clothing, materi 
props and everything 1 owned in the 
world. 1 rearranged. prodded, contorted 
d finally disguised the trembling girl 
with these objects until the addition of 
so much as a thumbtack to the cubicle 
would have been impossible, then 
slammed the door and hurried to open 
the hall door before it was demolished. 
In lurched Sir Galahad, raving and 
ranting and chasing mc around 
taking ferocious swings at me, all 
of which failed to connect because he 
could not see straight: also, 1 was sober 
and morc familiar with the topography. 
t last of the chase, he proceeded 
to look under every piece of furniture, 
making a shambles of my domain in the 
process, and then he opened the door 
of the closet. One look at the solid wall 
of contents and even he — in his condi 
tion — decided hat nothing human 
could possibly exist in there, and left 
the premises, still sorer th bull ele 
phant with hay fev 
He soon learned, however, that life 
held greater peril than mere slug fests: 
another occasion, 1 was sketch 
a brunette tidbit from the chorus, and 
she mentioned that her boyfriend would 
be dropping around to pick her up. 1 
said this would be OK, not much con- 
sidering the fact that while a number 
of the men who lollowed the Follies 
dealt in stocks and bonds. there was 
another sort of boyfriend in that cra 
who dealt in zunstocks and bonded alky 
When, much later, he had still not 
shown up, she said goodbye and left to 
meet him instead at his place. The next 
day, the head ped the reason 
for his failure to arrive. He had been 
found with so much lead in his body 
that it took [our men to lift him onto 
the stretcher. His es mers had. fol- 
lowed him about the city the day before, 
finally cornering him and completin 
their assignment. The nagging question 
in my thobb nd was— what if 
hed made it to my place before the 
made it to him? As an eyewitness to his 
areer of pushing pencils and 


es s 


demise, my c 


crayons might have suddenly terminated 
g up daisies. 
himself approached my 


problems with a serene disregard tha 


а less charming personality would 
been intolerable. In spite of the 
us life 1 was living amidst the sexi 
most beautiful, most coveted girls in 
ight ima; 


spent overeating 
champagne. it was like uproot- 
ing tree stumps to attempt to pry 

modicum of my salary from this fabu- 
lous man. In the whirl of creating and 


organizing his spectacular productions, 
he had an absent-minded penchant for 
forgetting small debts. In his office one 


day, discussing the selec of the 12 
beauties to adorn the the: lobby, 1 
reminded him that he still owed me for 
work already done. Looking almost baf- 
fled by my apparent urgency, he asked 
what 1 needed money for. To my 
reply, "Fo eat, pay my rent and satisfy 
the odd demand of countless merchants 
that my purchases bring them some form 
of recompense,’ he countered with the 
medy that all I need do was establish 
credit. by the simple m 
credentials proving 1 worked for 
great Ziegfeld. 1 was forced to | 
a vivid word picture of an imagin 
encounter with my butcher, cleaver in 
hand, selecting, 
weighing and wrapping my purchase — 
is told to ‘charge it, because 1 hobuob 
with the most illustrious names іп Ше 
land. and responds by inspiring me to 
break the world's marathon record in а 
race down the street, inches ahead of his 
Mashing blade. Whether my sincere des 
peration or extravagant imagery tickled 
his funny bone, E will never know. But 
he laughed — the first time Га ever seen 
him do it—and paid me my money. 
Year upon year, an unending flow of 
iuties joined the ranks of the Follies, 
The artistic soul of the great impresario 
w to it that only the very best of the 
best beauty graced his 
shows, Little by le. 
knowledge of what made the g 


is of showing 
the 


who — alter 


American 


ls tick, 
both physically and spiritually; but most 


п. pictorially. Varg: 
stingly — drawn 
m of th 


and 


apidlv, along with his Euro 
and South = American-influenced 
ions and outlooks; “1 found that 


inh 


beginning to develop my own 


style. My friends began to kid me about 
my "obsession in wanting to paint only 
girls and шөге girls. I responded to their 
amicable teasing that | would be only 
100 glad to go into another line of busi 
ess the moment they could find me а 
substitute for a beautiful girl. 1 assume 
that they saw the light, for— from that 
moment on — they began to hit the u 
10 my studio t0 worship at the same 
altar: where the girls were. But 1 would 
never let them in.” 


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195 


cook. Drain well. When potatoes 
cool enough to handle. cut into hash 
size pieces. Grate onion into potatoes 


Scason generously with salt and. pepper. 


Heat salad oil and butter in a 10-in. cast- 
or heavy alu skillet, Add po 
toes. Pat top ol potatoes down and 


N " DAY 
> FESTIVE FONDUE аон page 15) 
Ө: parishes, 10 regulas d plates are 
M sed. sauces can be dispensed in small 
Фи soufllé dishes or individual copper sauce 
g pots. Besides fondue lors for dunking 

and cooking, there should be regular 

а di т forks for removi nd cating the 
Ш hot spiked meat. 

А londue party should never be 


planned for hurry-up pretheater or pre 
same dinners. Ivy the kind ol pleasure 
ed to the fullest only when it’s lei 
surely paced. 1t calls for а mellow, e, 
Switzerland produces a 
noted red wine, the dole from the de- 
lightlul Sion arca, so soft that it almost 
puris as you swallow it. There are soft 
Califor rench wines. but. the 
dole se mo the world 
especially for the fondues that. follow. 
Each recipe serves six. 


going wine: 


nd 


ms to h 


ve coi 


FONDUE ROURGUIGNONNE 


1 lbs. filet mignon, t 
Salt. peppe 
1 Bermuda onion 
2 tablespoons horseradish 
1⁄4 Ib. sweet butter 
3 egg yolks 

poo! 
aspoous 
poon beef extract 
2 cups salad oil 
1 jar pickled walnut 


amed weight 


avenne 


чи 


ice cold 


Prepare potatoes roesti. Be sure all fat 
ub outer membrane of filet аге re- 
moved. Cut meat imo 3⁄4 cubes. 
Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Mince 


onion very fine and combine wi 
radish. Sprinkle with salt and peppe 
Set aside this onion relish. Heat butte 
in saucepan until melted. but not 
Put egg yolks in blender. 
Run blender at low speed, slowly adding 
butter in m. When but 
ter is all used, remove sauce from blende 
nd fold тарон vinegar, рагыс 
and beef extract. Keep sauce in warm 
il served. but do not put ove 
uce will curdle. Heat o 
siucepan until it shows first sign of 
smoke. Pour into fondue dish. Let stand 
over trivet Пате 5 minutes before s 
ing dinner, Divide meat, pickled walnuts 
and oi relish among plates. ©: 
may be served on plates or passed sepa- 
ely. Guests spear one piece of m 
t a time and brown in fat about 20 to 
O seconds, or until meat r d 
Pass potatoes. 


h horse- 


very thin st 


ion 


ісе 


aches desi 


РОТА 


JES ROESTI 


G mediumtolargesize potatoes 


2 tablespoons butter 

cut cach in half cross 
ied. water until just 
5 minutes. Don't over 


Boil in 
ader, about 


wise. 
196 Ч 


move them slightly away from rim of 
Saute about 15 to 20 minutes or 


eck 
in 


with spatula to ch 
old platter. round if possible 
d. Place rim of skillet against 
te, and quickly flip skillet so that po. 
moes are brown side up on plate. Cut 
into wedges at table. 


color. H 


CHICKEN. FONDUE 


large whole breasts of chicken 
Ib. bacon 
Ib. fresh mushrooms 
small green. pepper 
tablespoon butter 
egg yolks 
t butter 
«c of 14 lemon 
1 whole canned pimiento, minced ñ 
alt, pepper. 
2 cups 
| bottle sauce Diable, ісе cold 
Prepare brown noodle platter. Have 
butcher remove bones from chicken. Re 
move filer, the long underpiece which is 
Cut filet 
». pieces. Cut remainder of breast 
ішік slices. Cut ba 
con slices crosswise into 3 pieces. Wash 
nushiooms and cut i -thick 
slices. Cut green pepper into cighths. 
discarding sem and seeds. Saute 
rooms and green pepper in 3 tablespoons 
butter until tender. Separate green рер 
per hom mushrooms, and mince gre 
Set aside for later use. Keep 
rm until serving time. Put 
well of blender. Heat 14 Ib. 
1 saucepan until melted, 
but not Run blender at low 
speed. slowly adding buuer in a very 
stream. When butter is all used, add 
juice, minced green pepper. and 
шо. Add salt, pepper and cayenne 
м oil in saucepan ши 
shows first sign of smoke. Pour into fon- 
due dish. Let stand over trivet Hame 
minutes belore serving dinner. Divide 
bacon loons among 
ice and sauce Diable 
wd bacon may be 
ther for dipping into hot 
oodles. 


ne 


detachable, from cadi breast 


into 1 


crosswise into | 


mush- 


egg yolks i 


brown. 


ıd mu 


BROWN NOODLES 


1⁄4 lb. 


ine-size egg noodles 

lı. pepper, monosodium glut 
4 tablespoons butt 
Boil noodles in salted 

tender. Dr ıl wash 


in a well. 


under running water. Dr 
hly. Season with salt, pepper 
nonosodium glutamate to taste. He 
butter in a Un. castiron skillet or 
heavy aluminum рап. Add noodles. Pat 
down. Move noodles about 1 in. fic 
of skillet. Cook moderate 
© until golden brown on bottom. 

oodles slightly with spatul 
check color. Hold platter in left hand. 
Place vim of skillet against plaer, and 
quickly flip skillet so that noodles are 
Drown side up оп platter. 


over à 


SURIP FONDUE 


3 lbs. jumbo shrimps 

14 Ib. sweet butter 

5 egg volks 

1 teaspoon lemon juice 
spoons curry powder 
е 


. pepper. сауа 
up chili sauce 
1 cup sour cream 
2 cups salad oil 
1 boule Major Grey's Chutney, ice 
cold 
Prep ally 
Peel and devein shrimp. Wash and dry 
well with paper toweling. Heat butter 


below 


in saucepan umil mehed, but not 
brown. Put cgg yolks in blender 


Run blender at low speed. Very slowly 
add buue m. Whe 
butter dd lemon juice and 
ry powder Season to taste with sal 
pepper and cayenne. (Some curry pow. 
ders, while strong. require added рер 
per) Keep sauce im a warm spot until 
x time, but do not place over heat. 
nd sour 


аа very thin suca 


H used. 


s 


c 


chili sauce 
in saucepan until it shows first sign 
Í smoke. Pour into fondue dish. Let 
stand over trivet flame 5 minutes before 
i ips. Divide shrimps among 
curry sauce, sourcrcam 


blc. 


cre 


es. Serve 
id chutney 


Pass safiro 


SAFFRON RICE 
2 cups converted rice 


4 cups water 


Vj teaspo 
2 teaspoons salt 


1⁄4 cup yellow raisins 
g water to a boil. Add salad oil. 
salfron. salt and rice. Stir well. Whe 


water comes to а second boil, turn flame 
as low as possible. Keep rice covered. 
Cook without stirring until rice is tend 
bout 20 minutes. Add raisins, Ішін 
rice with fork. 

The fondue ollers togetherness of the 
most felicitous sort. It is almost impos 
sible to be stully, stil or starchy when 
ıd your guests are closely and in 
lly gathered round the fondue 
dish. So relax and dip in. 


you 


form: 


ROMANTIC LOVE 


tively cold day, vet Tc 
act to be a proof of love. You 
y appealing to my sympathy, You 
calculate I will take you to bed to make 
you warm again." And she walked on in 
à huff. 


nnot acknowledge 
re 


ше п turned 


wd caught up 
He bu 
she was roo hurt to speak. Then just 
as the lovers passed a quarry the gentle- 
man said to her: "You cannot think 1 
intend you to tke my broken bones 
to bed.” And turning back dauntlessy, 
he cast hi to the pit. 

The lady waited patiently at 
quarry's edge for him to return 
observed how paintully he dr 
himself over the ilinty stones, tearing his 
Clothes to ribbons and cutting himself 

ny places; nevertheless. with con- 

she said: “It is hardly 
to attempt to take your 
that you can't abide 

Dashing а peatllike 
eye, she walked on, 
recover and follow her 
d for country 


shivered violently 


self 
the 
She 


her 
© 


from 
g hi 


tear 
leav 
should he still have a m 
walks. 
When 
noticed that just beyond them grew 


he reached her he 


a vast tangle of thistles and пеше 
Desperately loverlike. he gathered his 
dwindling strength together and hurled 
himself forward, crying: “I will live 
with you yet, though it is agony as this 
1 feel And he threw himself 
without a backward look into the bed 
of nettles. 

As he lay there contorted with pai 
for his cold and his se made 
themselves Гей against the hot stings 
which covered him, he dimly heard the 
ІГІ give you no joy 1 cannot 
ıs tO bind vou still to myself. 
ad 1 will fi 
some other 


now.” 


tches now 


P 
walk alone or in 
barrassimg compa 
It was some while before the gentle- 
an could drag himself forward to lol- 
her again, yet such ardor 
that eventually he reached within shout- 
ce of her. He called to her, 
while reaching out for the sharp 


low was his 


ing d 
mea 


blade of a plowshare that was at hand. 
“Let me then, if | must lose vou. cut 
oll these arms that they never 
enfold another.” And with nity he 
rose to his fect and, swinging the blade, 
cut through his arm just above the 
elbow. 


The lady turned to witness this, and 
fer а short silence in which he turned 


stony eyes of pain toward her, she 
said: "Ah, vain boasting man that you 
are. Vain and foolish, for how can you 


cut off both arms? You will be unfaithful 
to me yet, I know. How silly we 


(continued from page 143) 


when we give ourselves into the capri 


a" With profound 


cious arms of a m 


sorrow upon her beautiful face, she 
turned and walked. on. 

Yet even now the gentleman was de 
termined to prove his love, and he called 
to her. “Stay а moment moi d vou 


shall sce. 1 will follow no other woman 
No other woman.” And with his re- 
maining arm he systematically hacked 


at 

lady came running toward 
him, tears comsing down her checks: 
"What have you done" she cried. 
"Look what you have done. You can 


never walk again upon those fine legs: 
forever vou must crawl, crippled. and 
how vive so pitiful a 


can my love su 
sight? Alas, 1 can never love you 
for you have tom the dignity fom 
everything in you which 1 did love." 
And she wept as if her heart were near 
to breaking, taking care nevertheless to 
prevent her sk ag soiled fr 


ow, 


is 


"What are you, soi 


the gore which covered the ground 
about them. 

и is well,” muttered the gentleman 
through his broke 
the uth, I have no long 


lips. "For, to spea 
so strong а 
conviction. myself. and to be practical. 
I ¿an hardly in my present condition 
sustain the loss of blood so intense а 
conversation demands." 

"But nomen,” said the lady, 
diy "There is a cert 
nobility in your sullering: something — 
1 know in me agai 
What can it be 

“АҺ, Gods!” 
the words соп 
thickened br 


eyes. 


not wh 


— stirs 


ied the gentleman. 
slowly through his 
that this love 
h 1 cannot 
ble to run 


y 


harder, hop 
lady. kneeli 


© 


expire, 
. wept copiously with the 


пей love. 


ne kind of nut?" 


197 


PLAYBOY 


198 


FOX HUNTING 


and the general public looked askance 
at the new sport. Hawking was good 
grandfathers, they said, 
good enough for them. All 
Boothby and William Draper 
got out of it for quite а time was the 
mocking laugh and the raucous catcall 
as they went by preceded by their motley 
collection of mongrels. The only derog- 
atory thing p 


crs-by 


shout was a horse, 
and William already һай onc 
“Loony” was the universal 


Thomas, they felt. is a 


was as nutty 


dually disciples beg; 
up the thing. and after 
would often see quite a gathering 
what Thomas Boothby and William 
Draper called the "meet" These meets 
took place at the houses of the various 
members of the hunt, each 
turn supplying sandwiches 
The hunters assembled on thei 
and stoked up. and when the news got 
around that you could get free drinks 
ng on а horse and trot 
nd Bill Draper's, a 
ame over the public's 
tude. Nobody had ever thought of 
wa hawker a drop of something 
to keep the damp out, and the idea of 
hoisting a few for the 
expense had a powerful ар 
А stream of converts began to 
turn up at the meets, and it was quite 
a sight to see them in groups of four with 
their arms around cach others necks, 
rend Sweet ine іп close ha 
mony. There was no talk now of Thoma 
Boothby and William Draper being 
The feeling began to grow th: 
they were on the right lines and th 
agled fox hunting was a good 
thing that ought to be pushed alone. 
The turning point came when some- 
body suggested that it would be cute if 
they all wore pink c 
else thought it would | 
if they had а 


member i 


tonsils at some: 


body else 


r- 


its 


nd somebody 
“hien things up 
little music, which led to 
the introduction of the hunting ho 
and somebody ele said it was rather 
dreary just riding along in silence, so 
why shouldn't they have something on 
the order ol college yells? 

"Such 

“Well, Yoicks. 
Why Yoicks? 
Why not Yoicks 
1 see what you m 

So they all started shou 
and “Tallyho” and “Ташуу 
"Hark for'ard" and things like that, 
it was not long before the countryside 
was one pink Hush and what with the 
hom and the Yoickses and the Tantivy 
you could hardly hear yourself spe 
Everybody was chasing the fox now. and 
alconry had gone right out of fashi 


(continued from page 150) 


As somebody put it rather neatly while 
downing a sherrissack at the meet, 
"Hunt and the world hunts with you. 
Hawk and you hawk alone. 

Little by litte the thing grew. Bigger 
nd better dogs were introduced. and 
you were not allowed to call them dogs. 
you had to refer to them аз hounds. 
Snobbery crept in. Fox hunting became 
status symbol If you hunted, you 
automatically ranked among the top 
people, and if you didn't. you were 
just a bally outsider. "What pack do you 
hunt with?” you would be asked, and if 
you had to confess that you did not 
hunt with any pack, you got the glassy 
stare, the raised. eyebrow 
"Most exti i 
crossed off the spea 
nd as 1 say, Гох hunting is 
tually а thing of the past. Here 
ere throughout the British Isles 
will catch an occasional glimpse of a 
ii coat and hear а — halfhearted 
Yoicks or two, but the zip has gone out 


now, 


of the thing and it is no longer the 
widespread di was. Thomas 
athby and William. Draper would 


never know the old place now. 
А variety ol causes led to the sport's 


extinction. There have always been 
those who objected to it on hu rian 
grounds. refusing to believe that the 


fox enjoyed the chase as much as any 
one and feeling that with 60 hounds and 
couple of hundred men with scarlet 
es and women who looked ke 
horses after it, it was not given a square 
deal. But it was not these anti-blood- 
sport boys who killed the pastime. What 


did it was the high cost of living and 
of the income ta Main- 


ihe bulgin 


pack of hounds costs money, 
nimals cannot give of th 
meals under 
belts. and after two world wars 
5 just what the hunting com- 
short of. Pt was difficult 
enough to keep the home fres burning 
without going out of one's way to sup- 
a whole mob of canine pensioners. 

hunting had always been 
the sport of the aristocracy. and the post— 
World War И aristocracy does not care 
for it. Il anyone hunts nowadays, it is 
the lower classes — dukes, earls, bar 
and the like. The rilfraff. 
You would never find a shop stew 
a publicrelations man bouncing about 
the place on a horse and trying to keep 
his top hat from coming off, and the 
same thing applies to рор s 


these 
best unless they have squ: 


for 


their 
moncy w 
nunity was 


gossip columnists and. wadeunion secre- 
е better ways. they feel, 


taries There a 
to spend their le than galloping 
after a smelly animal with a bushy tail. 

More and more, people are beginning 
10 realize that fox hunting is а foo 
pastime and (hat just the same th 


g some 
so. which fox hunting nev 
did, serves a useful end. 1 myself am a 
fy-swaning aficionado, ny is the 
stirring run our hunt d at my 
little place at Steeple Bumpstead, Glos. 

Some fly swatters hold that the best 
time for a meet is after lunch, bui T 


have always felt that after bre; 
the ideal moment. lt seems to me thar 
fly that has just risen fro s bed 


taken an invigorating cold plunge 
milk jug is in far better [еше for 


sporting run than one that has spent 
the morning buzzing about and tiri 


йзе out until all it wants is a шісі 
nap on the ceiling. 
So we always meet directly after br 


ad a jovial gathering it is. Tough 
old Admiral Bludyer has his rolled-up 
copy of The Home Beautiful, while 


young Reggie Bootle carries the lighter 
easily wielded Daily Express. 
There is a good deal of ge 
and laughter because some y 
who is new to the game has armed him- 
self with a stcelwire swatter, for it is 
contrary to all the etiquette of the chase 
to use these things. Your true sportsman 
would as soon shoot a sitting bird. 

у Байет. sp 
cially eng round and shi 
head, which few flies can resis. 
opened the window, There is à hush of 


and moi 


has 


anticipation, and the talk and laughter 
are stilled. Presendy you hear a little 
gasp of excitement from some newly 


joined member. who has not been at 
the sport long enough to acquire the 
iron sell-control on which we older men 
pride ourselves. A hine Пу is peering 

This is the crucial moment. Will hc 
be lured by Sigsbee's bald head. or will 
he pursue his original intention of go- 
ing down to the potting shed to break- 
fast on the dead rat? Another moment 
and he has made his decision. Не hur- 
ries in and s himself on the butler’s 
glistening cupola. Instantancously, Fr 
cis, the footman, slams the window. The 
fly rockets to the ceiling. and with 
crashing "Yoicks" and "Tallyho" the 
hunt is up. 

Ah me, how ma 


ny wonderful runs th 
Fox hui 
crack 


ok е has see 
ing — who needs it Give me a 
two-hour run with a fly. w 
jumps to take, includi 
and а few stil gate-leg tables. 
the lif 

Iam hopi little persuasion 10 
convert Mrs. Kennedy to this rousin 
sport. Once she has been out after the 
wily fly with her rolled-up, heavy-gauge 
copy of Town and Country. | am sure 
she look at 
other fox. 


That is 


will never want to 


an- 


Christa Speck 


E 


Kathy Douglas 


гр: 


Avis Kimble Judi Monterey Ellen Stratton Laura Young Toni Ann Thomas 
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Now the smile of welcome 
showed disinterest. Bond registered that 
this was going to be some kind of a 
routine job, a bore, and he adjusted his 
entrance through that fateful door ac- 


even апе 


nd took his usual 


place across the redJeather-topped desk 

M said. stiffly, “Dr. Fanshawe, 1 don't 
nk you've met Commander. Bond of 
y Research Dep 

Bond was used to these euph 

He got up and held out his h 
Dr. rose. briefly touched. 
Bond's hand and sat quickly down as 
il he had touched paws with a Gila 
monster. 

I he looked at Bond, inspected him 
and took him in as anything more than 
silhouette, Bond thought 
that Dr. Fanshawe s eyes must be ñued 
with a thousandth-ofa-second shutter 
So this was obviously some kind of a 
expat а man whose interests lay 
s things. theories— not in hur 
. Bond wished that M had given 
him some Кіші of a brief, hadn't got this 
puckish, rather childishly malign desire 
to surprise — to spring the jack-in-the- 

4, remembering 


Fanshawe 


box on his stall. B. 
his own boredom of 10 minutes ago, and 
putting himself in M's place, had the 
intuition to realize that M himself might 
€ been subject to the same June heat, 
ame oppressive a his du- 
td by the unexpected relief 
of an emergency, а small one perhaps, 
had decided to extract the maximum 
elec, the maximum drama, out of it 
to relieve his own tedium. 
er was middle-aged, + 
well-fed, and clothed rather foppishly 
in the neo-Edwardian fashion — turned 
up сий to his dark-blue, four-buttoi 
cout, а pearl pin in a heavy silk ç 
spotless wing collar. cull links formed 
of what appeared to be antique coins, 
pince-nez on a thick black ribbon. Bond 
summed him up as something liter 
itic perhaps. a bachelor — possibly 
with homosexual tendencies. 
M said, "Dr. Fanshawe is 


vacuum 


y 


ae 


noted 


authority on antique jewelry. He is also. 
though this is confidential. a 
н.м 


visor to 
and to the Crimit 
Department on such 
in fact been referred to 
friends at M.L5. IL is in 
our Miss 


Custom 


things. He 
me by our 
connection 


uder 


with 
stein 

Bond raised his eyebrows. Maria 
Frendenstein was a secret agent working 
lor the Soviet K.G.B. in the heart ol 
the Secret Service. She was in the Con 
munications Department, but in a wate 
tight compartment of it that had been 
т, and her duties 


were confined 10 operating the Purple 
Cipher—a cipher that had also been 
uemed especially for her. Six times а 
day she was responsible for encod 
and dispatching lengthy SITREPs 
this cipher to the CIA in Washi 
These messages were the output of Sec 


tion 100, which was responsible for rui 
ni 


double agents They were 
genious mixture of true fact, harmless 
disclosures and an occasional nugget 
of the grossest misinformation. Mari 
Freudenstein, who had been known to 
be а Soviet agent when she was taken 
into the Service, had been allowed to 
steal the key to the Purple Cipher with 
the intention that the Russians should 
е complete access to these SITREPs 
—be able to intercept and deciphe 


ge 


fed false information. It was a highly 
secret operation which needed to be 
idled with extreme delicacy. but 
had now been running smoothly for 
three years and, if Maria Freudeustein 
also picked up a certain amount of 
ameen gossip at Headquarters, that 
was a necessary risk, and she was not 
utractive enough to form liaisons which 
could be а security risk 

M turned to Dr. Fanshawe. “Perhaps, 
Doctor. you would care to tell Comman- 
der Bond what it is all about.” 

"Certainly. certainly.” Dr. Fanshawe 
looked quickly at Bond and then away 
again. He addressed his boots. 


You se 


s like this, er. Commander. You've 
heard of а man called Fabergé, no 
doubt. Famous Russian jeweler 


“Made fabulous Easter eggs for the 
Czar and Czarina before the revolution.’ 

“Thar was indeed one of his speciali 
ties. He made many other exquisite 
pieces of what we may broadly describe 
as objects of vertu. Today, in the sale 
rooms, the mples fetch 
fabulous prices — fifty thousand pounds 
nd more. And recently there entered 
this country the most amazing specime 
of all—the so-called Emerald. Sphere. 
a work of supreme art hitherto known 
only from а sketch by the great man 
himself, This treasure arrived by 


best е truly 


regis- 


tered post from Paris and it was ad- 
dresel (o (his woman of whom you 
know, Miss M . 


“I am, as your Chief has told you, 
advisor to Н.М. Customs and Excise in 
g antique jewelry and 


matters concern 
similar works of art. The declared value 
of the package was one hundred thou- 
sand pounds. This was unusual. There 
are methods of oper 
clandestinely. The pack 
— under Home Office Wa 
course —and 1 was called in to е 
the contents and give a valuation. 1 


the Emerald 
nd sketch of 


immediately recognized 
Sphere from the account 
it given іш Mr. Kenneth Snowman's de 
€ work on Fabergé. 1 said that the 
ed price might well be on the low 
side. But what T found of particular 
int the accompa docu 
ich. 


stured toward a photo 


ed to be brief. 
that lay on the desk in front 
of M. "That is a copy 1 had made. 


it states that the Sphere was 
by Miss Freudenstc: 
directly from 
1917 — no doubt as а me; 
some of his roubles mething port 
able and of great value. On his death 
in 1918 it passed to his brother and 
thena п 1950, to Miss Freudenstein's 
à 
Russian 


abergé 
is of tun 


а child and lived in White 
émigré circles in Paris. She nev 
ried, bur. gave birth to this 
illegitimately. It seems that she died 
last year and that some friend or exec 
шог, the paper is not signed, has now 
forwarded the Sphere to its rightlul 
owner, Miss Мапа Freudenstein. 1 had 
no reason to question this girl, although 


s you сап imagine my interest was most 
lively. until last month Sotheby's an 
nounced that they would auction the 


piece. described. as ‘the property of a 
lady, in a week from today, On behalf 
of the British Museum and, er, other 
nerested parties, E then made discreet 
inquiries and met the lady, who. with 
perfect composure, confirmed the rather 
unlikely story contained in the prove. 
nance. It was then that 1 learned. (ha 
she worked for the Ministry of Defense: 
and it crossed my rather suspicious mind 
that it was, to say the least of it, odd 
u junior clerk, engaged. presumably 
on sensitive duties, should suddenly re- 
ceive a gift to the value of one hundred 
thousand pounds or more from abroad. 
1 spoke to а senior official in МА. with 
whom 1 have some contact through my 
work for H.M. Customs and 1 was in 
due course referred to this, er, dep: 
ment” Dr. Fanshawe spread his ha 


and gave Bond a brief gl And 
that, Commander, is all 1 to tell 
Rea 

M broke in, "Thank you, Doct 


Just one o 
won't deta 
examined 


two final questions and 1 
n you а further. You have 
this € ald ball thing and 


icr 


you pronounce it genuine 
Dr. Fanshawe ceased g his 
boot. He looked up and toa 


point somewhere above M's left shoul 


der. "Certainly. So does Mr. Snowman 
of Wantski’s, the greatest. Fabergé ex 
pers and dealers in the world. lu is 


undoubtedly the missing masterpiece of 
which hitherto Carl Fabergé’s sketch 
was the only record.” 


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PLAYBOY 


202 it, of canvas and pai 


"What about the provenance? What 
do the experts say about that? 
nds up adequately. The greatest 
gé pieces were nearly always pri 
vately со! Miss Freudenstein 
says that her а vastly 
rich man before the revolution — a por- 


nissioned. 


celain  manulacturer. Ninety-nine ре 
cent of all output has found 
йз way re only a few 
pieces left in the Kremlin — described 
simply as "prerevolutionary examples of 
Russian jewelry. The official Soviet view 
has always been that they are merely 


capitalist baubles. Officially they despise 
them as they ollicially despise the 
perb collection of French. Impression 
ists.” 

“So the Soviet still retain some 
mples of the work of this man Faberge. 


Js it possible that this emerald allair 

could have Tain secreted. somewhere 

the Kremlin through all these years? 
Certainly. The Kremlin treasure is 


vast. No one knows what they keep hid- 
den. They have only tecemly put on 
display what the med to put 
on display. 

M drew on his pipe. H through 
the smoke were bland, scarcely ime 


have м 


s eyes 


ested. “So that, in theory. there із по 
reason why this emerald ball should not 
have been u rthed from the Kremli: 


furnished with a faked history to estab- 
lish ownership, and transferred. abroad 
as a reward to some friend of Russia for 
services rendered 

None at all. 1t would be a 
method of greatly rewarding the bene 
ficiary without the danger ol paying 
large sums into his, or her, bank ac 
cou 

“Buc the final monetary reward would 
of course depend on the amount realized 


by the sale of the object — the auction 
price, for instance? 
Exactly." 


“Aud what do you expect thi 
to Fetch at Sotheby's? 

"Impossible to say. Wartski's will ce 
tainly bid very high. But of course they 
wouldn't be prepared to tell 


object 


yone 
just how high — either on their own ac- 
count [or stock, so to speak, or acting 
on behalf ol а customer. Much would 
d on how high they are forced up 
underbidder. Anyw: 

hundred thousand pounds Га 


t less 


mouth turned down à 
pensive hunk of jew- 


the ers. 


cor 


sl 


we was aghast at this b 
faced revelation оГ M's philistinism. He 
Hy looked M straight in the face. 
муа he expostulated, “do you 
consider the stolen Goya, sold at Sothe- 
by's for one hundred and forty thousand 
pounds, that went to the National Gal- 
lery, just an expensive hunk, as you put 


М said. placatingly. “Forgive ше, Dr. 
Fanshawe. 1 expressed myself clumsily. 
J have never had the leisure to interest 
myself in works of art nor, on a naval 
ollicers pay. the money to acquire any 
1 was just registering my dismay at the 
runaway prices being fetched at auction 
these days.” 


entitled to your views, si 
anshawe stulfily 

Bond thought it was time to rescue 
M. He also wanted to get Dr. Fanshawe 
out of the room so that they could 
down to the professional aspects of this 
odd business. He got to his feet. He 
s: to M, "Well, sir, E don’t think there 
is anything else 1 need to. know. No 
doubt this will turn out to be perfectly 
straightforward (like hell it would!) and 
just а matter of one of your stall. turn- 
ing out to be а very lucky woman. But 
it’s very kind of Dr. Fanshawe to have 
gone to so much trouble.” He turned 
to Dr. Fanshawe. "Would vou care to 
have a stall car to take you wherever 
you're going? 
o thank you, thank you very much 
It will be pleasant to walk across the 
park 

Hands were shaken, goodbyes said 
and Bond showed the doctor out. Bond 
came back into the room. M had taken 
a bulky file, stamped with the top-secret 
red star, out of a drawer and was already 
immersed in it. Bond took his se 
again and waited. The room was silent 
the riling of paper. This 
stopped as M extracted а foolseap sheet 
of blue cardboard used for Confidential 
Stall Records and carefully read through 
the forest of close type on both sides. 

Finally he slipped it back in the file 
and looked up. “Yes.” he said and the 
blue eyes were bright with interest. “It 
fits, all right. The girl was born in Paris 
іш 1935. Mother very active in the R 
sistance during Helped run 
the Tulip Escape Route w 
th it, After . the gil went to 
ıe and then got a job in the 
sy. in the. Naval. Attaché's. office, 
as an interpreter. You know the rest, 
She was compromised — some unattr 
tive sexual business = by some of her 
mother's old. Resistance friends who by 
then were working for the N.K.V.I 


save fe 


id 


ма 


the w: 


and from then on she has been working 
Control. She applied. no doubt 
for 


unde 


on instruction British crua 


Her 


ship. 
mbassy and 
her mothers Resistance. record. helped 

to get that by 1959, and she was 
a recommended to us by the Foreig 
Office. But it was there that she made 
her big mistake. She asked for а y 
d was next 
" networ 


de: ice fi the 


ars 
© before coming to us 
ted by the Hutchins 
in the Leningrad espionage school. 
There she presumably received the usual 
training and we had to decide what to 


do about her. Section 100 thought up 


the Purple Cipher operation and you 
know the rest. She's been working for 
three years inside headquarters for the 
KGB w she's getting her reward 
— his emerald. ball thing worth а hun 
died thousand. pounds. And that's inte 

esting on two counts. First 

that the K.G.B- is totally hooked on the 
Purple Cipher or they wouldn't be mak. 
ing this fantastic payment. That's good 


news. It means that we can hot up the 
material we're passing over — put across 
some Grade Three deception material 
па perhaps even move up to Grade 
Two. Secondly. it explains something 
we've never been able to understand — 
that this girl hasn't hitherto received а 
single payment for her services. We were 
worried by that. She had ' 
Glyn, Mill. that only registered h 
monthly рау check of around fifty 
pounds. Aud she's consistently lived with- 
in it. Now she's getting her pav-oll in one 
large lump sum via this bauble we've been 
arning about. АШ very sat 
M reached for the ashtray made out 
of a 1236chahell base and rapped out 
his pipe with the air of a man who has 
done a good afternoon's work. 

Bond shifted in his chair. He badly 
needed a cigarette. bur he 
have dreamed of lighting one, He want 
ed one to help him focus his thoughts. 
He felt that there were some ragged 
edges to this problem — one particularly. 
He said. mildly we ever caught 
up with her local Control, sir? How docs 
she get her instructions?” 

Босма need to." said M impatiently, 
busying himself with his pipe. “Once 
she'd got hold of the Purple Cipher all 
she needed to do was hold down her job. 
Damn it man, she's pouring the stulf into 


accoun 


te 


factory." 


wouldn't 


lave 


their Тар six times а day. What sort of 
instructions would they need to give 
her? 1 doubt if the K.G.B. men in Lon 


don even know of her existence — per 
haps the Resident. Director does. but 
you know we don't even know who he 
is. € 


s 


wing out a 
He said quietly, 
“It might. be that this business at Sothe 
bys could show him to us—show us 
who he is." 

What the devil are you 
about, 007? Explain. youself. 

"Well sir," Bond's voice was calm with 
certainty, "vou v t this Dr. 
Fanshawe said about an underbidder — 
someone to make these Warski me 
chants go 10 their very top price. H 
the Russians don’t seem to know o 
care very about Faberg Di 
we says, they may have no very 
clear idea what this things really worth. 
The K.G.B. wouldn't be likely to know 
about such things anyway. They may 


talking 


ember wh 


much 


imagi 


пе it's only worth its breakup 
y ten or Iwenty thousand 
pounds for the emerald. That sort of 
sum would make more sense than the 
small fortune the girls going to get if 
Dr. Fanshawe’: ht. Well, if the Resi- 
dent Director is the only man who 
knows about this girl, he will be the 
only man who knows she's been paid. 

he'll be the underbidder. Hell be 
sent to Sotheby's and told to push the 
ile through the roof, I'm certain of 
it. So we'll be able to identify him a 
we'll have enough on him to hav 
sent home. He just won't know what's 
hit him. Nor will the K.G.B. И 1 can 
go to the sale and bowl him out 
e pot the place covered with cam- 
eras, and the auction records, w ur 
get the Foreign Office to declare him 
persona non grata inside а week. And 
Resid 
n 
appoint a replacemen 
M said, thoughtfully, "Perhaps you've 
ot something there." He swiveled his 
chair round and gazed out of the bi 
idow d the jagged skyline of 
London. Finally he said. over his shoul- 
der, “АП right, 007. Go and see the 
Chief of Staff and set up the machinery. 
ГИ square things with Five. Its their 
territory, but it’s our bird. There won't 
be any trouble. But don't go and get 
carried away and bid for this bit of 
rubbish yourself. I haven't got the mon- 
ey to spare. 

Bond said, “No sir 
feet and went quickly our of the room. 
He thought he had been very clever 
He 


and 


w 


it Directors don't grow on trees. 
С.В. can 


y be mouths before the K 


tow 


sot to his 


and he wanted to see if he had. 
didirt want М to change his mind 


frontage 
dow, with a restrained show of mode 
and antique jewelry, gave no hint that 
test Faberge d 
in the world. The interior — gray carpet, 
walls paneled in sycamore, a few unpre- 
tentious vitrines — held none of the 
excitement of Carter's, Boucheron or 
Van Cleef, but the group of f 
al Warrants from Queen. Mary, the 
| Mother, the Queen, King Paul 
есе and the unlikely King Fred- 
vk, suggested hat this 
s no ordinary jewele 
ames Boud asked for Mr. Kenneth 
Snowman. A good-looking, very well- 
dressed man of about 40 rose from a 
group of men siting with their heads 
together at the back of the room and 
me forward. 

Bond said quietly, "Im from the 
GLD. Can we have a talk? Perhaps 
you'd like to check my credentials first. 
My names James Bond. But you'll have 
о direct to Sir Ronald Vallance or 
his Personal Assistant, I'm not. directly 
on the strength at Scotland. Yard. Sort 


ned Roy 


to 


of 


1 job 
The intelligent, obs 
appear even to look him ov 
smiled. "Come on downstair 
ing a talk with some Americ 
— sort of. correspond, 
‘Old Russia’ ou Fifth 
“L know the place 
of rich-looking icons, 
from the Pierre.” 
“That's vig! 


vant eyes didn't 
The man 
Just 
an friends 
Шу. From 


nts, 
Avenue; 

said Bond. “Full 
ad so on. Not far 


Mr. Snewman seemed 
even more assured. He led the way 
down a narrow, thickly carpeted stair- 
way into a large and glittering show- 


room which was obviously the real 
treasure house of the shop. Gold and 
monds and cut stones winked from 


s round the walls. 
Have а seat. Cigarette? 
Bond took one of his own, “It’s about 
this Fabergé piece thats comin; 
at Sotheby's tomorrow — this. Eme 


Sphere. 
“Ah, yes.” Mr. Snowman's dear brow 
furrowed anxiously. "No trouble about 


it, 1 hope?” 

“Not from your point of view. 
we're very interested in the actual sale 
We know about the owner, Miss Freud- 
enstein. We think there may be an at- 
tempt to raise the bidding artificially. 
Were interested in the underbidder — 
is that is. that your 
ng the field. so to speal 
Well. er. yes” said Mr. Snowman 
h rather careful candor, "We're cer- 
tainly going to go after it. But ІСІ sell 
for a hu ctween vou and m 
we believe the Victoria and Albert 
going to bid. and probably the Metro- 
polit t is it some crook you're 
after? If so, you needn't worry. This 
is out of their class.” 

Bond said, "No. 


But 


m will be 


e pric 


Were not looking 


for a crook.” He wondered how far to 
go with this man. Because people are 
very careful with the secrets of their 


own business doesn't. mc: that they'll 
be careful with the secrets. of yours. 
Bond picked up a wood-and-ivory plaque 
that lay on the table. It said: 


И is naught, it is naught, saith the 
buy 

But when he is gone his way, then 
he boasteth. 


PROVERIS X: 


Bond was amused. He said so. "You 
can read the whole history of the bazaar, 
of the dealer and the customer, behind 
that quotation,” he said. He looked Mr 
Snowman suaisht in the сусу, "I 
that sort of nose, that sort of intuit 
this case. Will you give me a hand 


E 


need 


Certainly. If уәкі tell me how 1 
can help." He waved a hand. “H irs 
seaets you're worried about, please 


don't worry. Jewelers are used to them. 
Scotland Yard will probably give my 
firm a clean bill in that respect. Heaven 
knows, we've had enough to do with 


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204 


them over the. years." 

“Апа if 1 told you that I'm from the 
Minisuy of Defen 
Same thing," said Mr. Snowman. 
“You can naturally rely absolutely on my 
discretion!" 

Bond made up his mind. “АП right. 
Well, all this comes der the Official 
Secrets Act, of course. We suspect that 
the underbidder. presumably to you, 
will be a Sov My job is to 
establish his i Yt tell you any 
more, Гт afraid. And you don't actually 
need to know any morc. All I want is 
to go with you to Sotheby's tomorrow 
night and for you to help me spot the 
man. No medals, lm afraid, but we'd 
be extremely grateful. 

Mr. Kenneth Snowman’s eyes glinted 
with enthusiasm, “Of course. Delighted 
го he y way. But.” he looked 
doubtful, “you know it's not necessari 
going to be all that easy. Peter W 
the head of Sotheby's, who'll be taking 
the sale, would be the only person who 
could tell us for sure — that is, if the 
bidder wants to stay secret. There are 
dozens of ways of bidding without mak- 
ing any movement at all. But if the bid- 
der fixes his method, his code so to 
speak, with Peter Wilson hefore the sale, 
Peter wouldn't think of letting 
in on rhe code. It would give the bid- 
der's game away to reveal his limit. And 
that's a close secret, as you cin imagir 
in the rooms. And a thousand times nor 
if you come with me. I shall probably 
be setting the pace. I already know how 
far I'm going to go — for a client, by the 
way — but it would make my job vastly 
easier if I could tell how far the under- 
bidder's going to go. As it is, what you've 
told me has been a great help. I shall 
warn my man to put his sights even 
higher. H this chap of yours has got a 
rong nerve, he may push me very hard 
the 

is 
10 be quite a night. They're рис 
it on television and asking all the 
millionaires and dukes and duchesses for 
the sort of gala performance Sotheby's 
do rather well. Wonderful. publicity, of 
course. By jove, if they knew there was 
cloak-and-dagger stuff mixed up with the 
a there'd be а then, ds 

nything else to go into? Just spot 
this man and that’s all?" 

“That's all. How much do you think 
this thing will go for?” 

Mr. Snowman tapped his teeth with 
gold pencil. “Well now, you see that's 
where I have to keep quiet. 1 know how 
high I'm going to go, but thats my 
clients secret” He paused and looked 
thoughtful. “Lets say that if it goes for 
less th one hundred thousand pounds 
we'll be surprised.” 

“1 see,” said Bond. “Now then, how 
do ] get into the sa 

Mr. Snowman produced 


Ip in 


one 


jot! Now 


n elegant 


alligator-skin notecase and extracted two 
engraved bits of pasteboard. Не handed. 
one over, “That's my wife 
one somewhere else in the rooms. B.5 
— well placed. in the center front. I'm 
BG” 


ай took the ticket. It said: 


Sotheby & Co 
Sale of 
A Casket of Magnificent Jewels 
and 
A Unique Object of Vertu 
by Carl Fabergé 
The Property of а Lady 

Admit one to the Main Sale Room 
Tuesday, 20 June, at 9:30 р.м. precisely 

ENTRANCE IN х emser 


cronci 


old Geor 
commented. Mr. Snow- 


“Ts not d 
in Bond Street 
man. “They have an awning and red 
carpet out from their back door now 
that Bond Streets one way. Now," he 
got up from his chair, “would you care 
to scc some Faberge? We've got some 
pieces h father bought from the 
Kremlin around 1927. ICH give vou 
some idea what all the fuss is about, 
though of course the Emerald Sphere's 
incomparably finer than anything 1 can 

you by apart from the 
Imperial Easter eggs. 

Later, dazzled by the diamonds, the 
multicolored gold, the silken sheen of 
translucent enamels, James Bond walked 
ud out of the Aladdin Cave under 
nt. Street and went off to spend the 
rest of the п drab offices around 
Whitehall planning drearily minute ar- 
rangements the identification and 
pl a crowded 


entrance 


show 


for 
ng of a man 
room who did not yet possess a face or 


роко 


identity but who was certainly the 
top Soviet spy in London. 


h the next day, Bonds excite- 
ment mounted. He found an excuse to 
go into the Communications Section and 
ander into the lile room where Miss 
Maria Freudenstein and two 
, machines t 
ndled the Purple Cipher dispatch 
He picked up the en clair file — he had 
freedom of access to most material a 
headquarters — апа ran his eye dow 
the carefully edited paragraphs that, in 
half an hour or so. would be spiked. 
read, by some junior CIA cle 

Washington and, in Mosco 


Thron 


ants 


in 
be handed, 
with reverence, to a top-ranking ollicer 
of the K.G.B. He joked with the tw 


junior girls, bur Maria Freudenst 
only looked up from her machine 10 
give him a polite smile and Bond's ski 
crawled minutely at this proximity to 
treachery and at the black and deadly 
secret locked up beneath the frilly white 
- She w tive girl with 
a pale, rather pimply skin, black h. 
and a vaguely unwashed appearance. 
Such a girl would be unloved, make few 


blou unati 


shoulder — 


nds, have chips on he 
more particularly in view of her ill 
macy — and a grouse against society. Per 
haps her only pleasure in life was the 
triumphant secret she harbored in that 
flattish bosom — the knowledge that she 
was deverer than all those around her, 
that she was, every day, hitting back 
inst the world — the world that de- 
spised. or just ignored her, because of her 
plainness — with all her might. One day 
they'd be sorry! [t was a common neu- 
rotic pattern — the revenge of the ugly 
duckling on society. 

Bond wandered off down the corridor 
to his own office. By tonight that girl 
would have made a fortune, been paid 
her 30 pieces of silver а thousandlold. 
Perhaps the money. would ch 
cha g her happ 
would be able to afford the best beauty 
specialists. the best clothes, a pretty lat. 
But M had said he was now going to 
hot up the Purple Cipher Operai 
try a more dangerous level of deception. 
This would be dicey work. One false 
step, one incautious lie, an ascertainable 
falsehood in a message, and the K.G.B. 
would smell a rat. One more, and they 
would know they were being hoaxed 
and probably had been ignominiously 
hoaxed [or three years. Such a shameful 
revelation would bring quick revenge. It 
would be assumed that Maria Freuden- 
stein had been acting as a double agent, 
working for the British as well as the 
Russians. She vitably and 
quickly be liquidated — perhaps with the 
cyanide pistol Bond had been reading 
about only the day before. 

James Bond, looking out of the wi 


ad 


ter, br 


ез». 


would i 


dow across the trees in Regents Park, 
shrugged. Thank God it was none of 
his business. The girl's fate wasn't in his 


h: 


ads. She was caught in the grimy ma- 


chine of espionage and she would be 
ved to spend a tenth of 


lucky if she 
the fortune she was going to £ 
few hours in the auction room 


ain 


There was a line of ad taxis 
blocking Georg t behind Sotheby's 
Bond paid off his taxi and joined the 
crowd filtering under the awning and up 
the steps. He was handed a catalog by 
the uniformed commissionaire who in 
spected his ticket, and went up the 
broad stairs with the fashionable, ex- 
cited crowd and along a gallery and into 

main auction room that w 
ed, He found his s 
Snowm: 
on a pad on hi 
him. 


cars 


nest to 
who was writing figures 
knee, and looked round 


‘The lofty room was perl 
as а tenni: 
the smell of 


ps as Imge 
It had the look and 
age, and the two large 
chandeliers, to fit in with the period 
blazed warmly in contrast to the strip 
lighting along the vaulted ceiling whose 
partly obscured by a blind, 


court. 


still hall drawn against the sun that 
would have been blazing down on the 
fternoon’s sale. Miscellaneous pictures 
nd tapestries hung on the olive-green 
walls and batteries of television. and 
other cameras (amongst them the M.L5 
cameraman with а press pass from The 
Sunday Times) were clustered with their 
handlers on а platform built out [rom 
the middle of a giant tapestried hunting 
scene. There were perhaps a hundred 
dealers and spectators sitting attentively 
on small gilt chairs. All eyes were focused 
on the slim, good-looking auctioneer 
talking quietly from the raised wooden 
pulpit. He was dressed in 
dinner jacket with a red carnation in the 
buttonhole. He spoke unemphatically 
and without gesture 
ifteen thousand. pounds. And six 
teen,” a pause. A glance at someone in 
the front row. "Against you, sir." The 
flick of a catalog being r: еуетсен 
thousand pounds I am ghteen. 
Nineteen. | am bid twenty thousand 
pounds.” And so the quiet voice went, 
calmly, unhurriedly on while down 
among the audience the equally impas- 
sive bidders signaled their responses to 
ihe 1 

“Wh is he selling?" 
opening his catalog, 

“Lot forty,” said Mr. Snowman. “ТІ 
ond rivière the porter's holding с 


у. 
asked Bond 


di; 


ding against a couple of F 
Otherwise they'd have got it for twenty. 
1 only went to fifteen. Liked to have got 
it. Wonderful stones. But there it i 
Sure enough, the price stuck at twi 
five thousand and the hammer, held by 
its head and not by its handle, came 
down with soft authority. 
said Mr. Peter Wilson and а sales clerk 
hurried down the aisle to confirm the 
lentity of the bidder 
“гш disappointed,” said Bond. 
Mr, Snowman looked up from his cata- 
log. “Why is that 
“I've never been to an auction before 
and 1 always thought the a 
h 1 three 


You sir” 


ders а last chance." 
Mr. Snowman laughed. " 7 
d that operating in the Shires or 
in Ireland, but it hasn't been the fashion 
at London sale rooms since Гуе been 
attending them.” 

“Pity. It adds to the diam 

“You'll get plenty of that in 
"his is the last lot before the curtain 
gocs up." 


One of the porters had reverently un- 
coiled a glittering mass of rubies and 


diamonds on his black-velvet tray. Bond 
looked at the catalog. It said "Lot 41, 
which the luscious prose described as: 


A PAIR OF 
AND DIAMOND BRACELETS, 


FINE AND IMPORTANT KUBY 


the front 


“This is the thanks I get?” 


of each in the form of an elliptical 
cluster composed of one larger and 
two smaller rubies within a border of 
cushion-shaped diamonds, the sides 
and back formed of simpler clusters 
ternating with diamond openwork 


scroll. motifs springing Пот single- 
stone ruby centers millegrifjesct in 
gold, running betwei 

rubies and d 


ely, the clasp also in the form of 
an elliptical cluster. 
2 According v fami 
this lot was formerly the prop- 
erty of Mrs. Fitzherbert (1 


tradition, 


1837) whose marriage to the 
Prince of Wales afterward. 
Geo. IV was definitely est 


lished when in 1905 a sealed 
packet deposited at Coutts 
Bank in 1833 and opened by 
Royal permission disclosed 
the iagc tificate 

other conclusive proofs. 

These bracelets were proba- 
bly given by Mrs. Fitzherbert 
to her niece, who was de- 
scribed by the Duke of Or 
° prettiest girl in 


mar and 


England.” 


While the bidding progressed, Bond 
slipped out of his seat and went down the 
sle to the back of the room where 
the overflow audience spread out into the 
New Gallery and the Entrance Hall 
to watch the sale on closed-circuit tele- 


He casually inspected the crowd, 
ace he could recognize from 
200 members of the Soviet Embassy 
aphs, clandestinely ob- 
ined, he had been studying during the 
past days. But amidst an audience that 
dehed classification — a mixture of deal- 
crs, amateur collectors and what could 
be broadly classified as rich pleasure 
s not a feature, let alone a 
face, that he could recognize except from 
the gossip columns. One or two sallow 
faces might have been Ru but 


aff whose photo 


equally they might have belon 
a dozen European races. There was a 


scattering of dark glasses, but dark glasses 
re no longer a disguise. Bond went back 
to his seat. Presumably the m 
have to divulge himself when the bid- 
ding began. 

ourteen thousand 1 
teen. Fifteen thousand.” 
e down. “Yours, sir.” 

“There was a hum of excitement and a 
fluttering ol catalogs. Mr. Snowman 
wiped his forehead with a white silk 
handkerchiel. He turned to Bond. “Now 
Tm ah your 
own. I've got to pay attention to the 
bidding and. anyway, for some unknown 
reasor «d bad form to look 
over one's shoulder to sce who's bidding 
nst you — if you're in the trade that's 

— so ГИ be able to spot him if he's 
somewhere up front h nd Em afraid 


n would 


am bid. And hif 
The 


hammer 


d you are more or less o 


it’s conside: 


's unlikely. Pretty well all dealers, 205 


PLAYBOY 


206 


but you can stare around as much as you 
like. What you've got to do is to watch 
Peter Wilson's eyes and then try and see 


who he’s looking at, or who's looki 
him. If you can spot the man, which may 
be quite difficult, note any movement he 


t the lobe of 1 
will be a code he's 
Wilson. I'm afraid he won't do anything 
obvious like raising his catalog. Do you 
get me? And don’t forget that he may 
make absolutely no movement at all 


ter 


until right ac the end when he's pushed. 
as he thinks lll go, then he'll 


me as 
want to sign off. Mark you,” Mr. Snow- 
man smiled, “when we get to the last lap. 
ГИ put plenty of heat on him and try 
and make him show his hand. That's 
sumi; ol course, tha 
bidders left in” 

. "And I u 


© the omy 
He looked елін: 
k you can take it that 


two 
mat 
we shall be. 


15 certainty, James Bond 
felt preuy sure that Mr. Snowman һай 
structions to get the E 


been given 
crald Sphere at any cost. 

X sudden hush fell tall pede: 
draped in black velvet was brought in 
with ceremony and positioned in front 
of the auctionecr’s rostrum. The 
handsome oval case of what looked like 
white velvet was placed. on top of the 
pedestal and, with reverence, an elderly 
porter uniform with wineaed 
sleeves, collar and back belt, unlocked 
it and lifted out Lot 42, placed it o 
the black velvet and removed the case. 
The cricket ball of polished emerald on 
its exquisite base glowed with a super- 
natural green fire and the jewels on 
surface and on the opalescent merid 
winked their various colors, There was 
p of admiration from the audience 
and even the clerks and experts behind 
the rostrum and sitting at the tall coun 
inghouse desk beside the a А 
accustomed to the crown jewels of Fu- 
торе parading before their eyes. leaned 
forward to get a better look. 

James Bond turned to his catalog. 
There it was, in heavy type and in prose 
stickily luscious as a butterscotch sun- 


1» 


action 


ned in 1917 by Carl Faber 
а Gentleman and 
Now the Property of His 
Granddaughter 


42. A VERY IMPORTANT FABERGÉ 
TERRESTRIAL GLOBE. A sphere carved 
from ап cxtraordinarily large piece 
оГ Siberian emerald matrix. we 
ing approximately one thousand 
hundred carats and of 


th 
perb color and vivid tr 


sup 
te rocaille 
ely chased in quatre- 


represents a terrestrial 
ported upon an «аЬ 
scroll mount f 


couleur gold and set with a profusion 
of rose diamonds and small emeralds. 
of intense color, to f ale 
clock. 

Around this mount six gold риш 
disport themselves among cloud 
forms which are naturalistically ren- 
dered carvec-rock-crystal-finished 
matte and veined with fine lines of 
tiny rose diamonds, 

The globe itself. the surface of which 
is meticulously engraved with шар 
of the world with the principal cities 
indicated by brilliant diamonds cm- 
аса within gold collects. 
ally on 


mee axis contre 
by а small clock movement, by С 
Moser, signed. which is concealed in 
the base. and is girdled by a fixed. 
gold-beltenameled opalescent oyster 
along 


reserved path in d 


mplevé 
technique over а moiré zuillochagr 
with painted. Roman í 
pale sepia enamel serving 
dial of the clock, and a single tri- 
gular pigcou-blood Burma ruby 
of about five cavats set into the sur- 
face of the orb, pointing the hour. 
Height: 755 in, Workmaster: Henrik 
Wigström, In the original. double- 
Opening. whitevelvet, хайи аса, 
oviform case with the gold key fitted 
in the base 
©The theme of this m 
cent sphere is one (h: 
inspired Fabergé some 15 
years earlier, as evidenced in 
the miniature terrestrial globe 
which forms part of the Royal 
Collecion at Sandringham. 
(See plate 280 in The Art of 
Carl Fabergé, by A. Kenneth 


brief 


100m, 


After a 
round the Wilson banged 
his hammer softly. “Lot 42—an object 
of vertu by Carl Fabergé” A pause. 
“Twenty thousand pounds 1 am bid.” 

Mr. Snowman whispered to Bond, 
“That means he's probably got a bid of 
at least fifty. This is simply to get thin 
mov 
Catalogs fluttered. “And thirty. forty, 
{ty thousand pounds | am bid. And 
ty, seventy, and 
pounds. And ninct 
hundred. thous 


search 


eighty thousand 
A pause and then 


ıd pounds I ат 


а rattle of applause round 
The cameras had swiveled to 
one of three on a 
d platform to the left of the auc 
tioneer who were speaking softly into 
Snowman commented, 

y men. 


the room. 


He'll be on an open 
should think ul 
bidding, but it might he 
it's time for me to set to work. 
Snowman flicked up his rolled catalog. 


s the 


“And ten,” said the auctioneer. The 
man spoke into his telephone and 
nodded. "And twenty." 

Again а fick from Mr. Snowma: 


“And tiny. 

The man on the telephone seemed to 
speaking rather more words than 

before into his mouthpiece — perhaps 

giving his estimate of how much further 

the price w у to go. He gave a 

ake of his head in the direction 


be 


ем 


d Peter Wilson 
fom him and round the 

room. 
"Опе hundred and thirty thousand 


pounds Tam bid.” he repeated quietly 

Mr. Snowman said, softly, to Bond. 
“Now you'd better watch out. America 
seems to have signed olf. Its time for 
your man to 

James Bond slid out of his place 
went stood amongst a group of 
reporters in a comer to the left of the 
rostrum. Peter Wilson's eyes were di 
rected toward the far hihand. corne 
of the room. Bond could detect no move 
ment, but the aucti nounced. 
“And forty thousand pounds.” He 
looked down at Mr. Snowman. After а 
long pause Mr. Snowman raised five fin 
gers. Bond guessed that this was part of 
his process of putting the heat on. He 

is showing reluctance, hinting that he 
was near the end of his tether. 

“One hundred and forty 
sand. ún the piercing 
ward the back of the room. 
movement. But again some s 
been exchanged. “One hundred and fifty 
thousand pounds.” 

There was а buz of comment and 
some desultory clapping. This time Mr 
Snowman's reaction was even slower and 
the auctioneer twice repeated the last 


ест 


bid. Finally he looked directly at Mr 
Snowman. "Against you, sir" At last 


Mr. Snowman raised five fin 

"One hunched and fifty-five thousand 
pounds. 

James Bond was be 
He had got absolutely nowhere 
the bici must ely be comi 
an end. The auctioneer repeated the bid 

And now there was ihe tiniest move 
ment, At the back of the room, a chunky- 
looking man in a dark suit rcached up 
and u took off his dark 
glasses. [t was a smooth, nondescript 

ce — the sort of face that might belon 
to a bank manager, a member of Lloyd's. 
or а doctor. This must have been the 
pr wid code with the auctioncer 
So long as the man wore his dark glasses 
he would raise in tens of thousands 


nning to 


vobtrusively 


lance toward the 
nk of cameram ¥ the маз 
was on his toes. Не had 
movement. Не lifted. his 
there was the 
ud got back 10 


Bond shot à qu 


scat and whispered to Snowman, 
Got him. Be in touch with you tomor- 
row. Thanks a lot.” Mr. Snowman only 
nodded. His eyes remained glued on 
the auctioneer. 

Bond slipped out of his place and 
walked swiftly down the aisle as the 
auctionce d for the third time, "One 
hundred and fifty-five thousand pounds 
1 am bid, and then softly brought 
down his hammer. “Yours. sir.” 

Boud got to the back of the room 
before the audience had risen, applaud- 
ing, to its feet. His quarry was hemmed 
in amo t chairs. He had now 
put on his d n and Bond 
put on a pair 1. He conuived 
p into the crowd and get behind 
the m as Ше с g crowd 
streamed down the stairs. The hair grew 
low down on the back of the man's 
rather squat neck and. the lobes of his 
ıs were pinched in close to his head. 
He had a slight hump, perhaps only а 
bone defor ion, high up on his back. 
Bond sudde nembered. This was 
Piotr Ma i, with the official title 
on the Embassy staff of Agricultural At- 
заспе. So! 

Outside, the m: 
swiftly toward Conduit Sur 
Bond got unhurriedly into a taxi with 


engine running and its llag down. He 
id to the driver, "That's him. Take it 
у 

“Yes, sir." said the M.L5 d 


v from the curb. 


15 taxi turned up 
а along Bayswater. 
Te was just a question whether he would 
tum down the private entrance imo 
Kensington Palace Gardens, where the 
first mansion on the left is the massive 
building of the Soviet Embassy. If he 
did, that would clinch matters. The 
two patrolling policemen, the usual E 
bassy guards, had been specially picked 
that night. Tew: job to confi 
that the occupant of the lead 
lly entered the Soviet Embassy. 
Then, with the Secret Service evidence 
and the evidence of Bond and of the 
MAS саше there would be 
enough for the Foreign Office to dec! 
Comrade Piotr Malinowski persona now 
rata on the grounds of espionage 
y and send him packing. In the gri 
chess game that is secret. service work, 
the Russians would have lost a queen. 
It would have been a very satisfactory 
visit (o the auction rooms. 
The leading taxi did turi 
the big iron gates. 
Bond smiled with 
He leaned forwar 
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208 


MANAGERIAL MISFIT 


site sex. 

Presumably, only an applicant for a 
secretarial job or for mail clerk would 
score higher by choosing number one. 
g of potential execu 
tives, another phase of the scrutiny ік 
the examination of the back 
ground for clues. The assessors cannot 
get together on what kind of early back- 
ground is ideal for an executive, but 
still cach assessor is likely to have his 
own pet ideas; and. most of their ideas 
would result in my being downgraded. 

One theorist contends that the real 
executive can be spotted in kindergarten. 
He is the lad whose hand shoots up when 
the teacher asks for volunte 
tribute milk. 1 never volunteered. for 
anything. Others argue that the leade 
is the lad who is always а peergroup 
leader through his school years 

1 was generally regarded by my class- 
mates—as my high-school yearbook 
would reveal as an amusing oddball. 
When I practiced the half mile in 
tack I wore a red skullcap with a 
ribbon 
exhibitionism 


In the assessi 


man's 


s to dis- 


4 drew comment from 
у in trying to run. [ast 
enough to keep the ribbon fluttering 
horizontally. A future executive would 
never do th 

Another of the widely held notions 
bout the right background for a woukl- 
be executive is that he must reveal in 


ttached 


his comments and test results and case 
history that he has broken any apron- 
es to his mother but that he has 


m relations 


p with his father 
ather substitutes — 


(continued from page 130) 


as а young man. Some assessors, in fact, 
consider this crucial. It indicates that 
the man as a corporate team player 
will readily prove an admiring, du 
son to father figures in the 
tion (ie. his superiors). 1 had a 
who took the stern view that son 
needed fairly regular thrashings if he 
was ever successfully to negotiate the 
«ийсин passage over what he called 
Fools Hill. It was only after 1 passed 
the age of consent that he and I started 
developing the warm father-son relation 
ship so esteemed by the corporation 
The man destined to get to the top 
sizable corporation must not only 
ather figures while 
bing the corporate pyramid, 


of 


be nicely oriented to 


he is di 


but will need to prove that he himself 
rives 


is a credible father figure once he a 
near the top. This of course, req 
some ability to shift roles. Howeve 
is not too dillicult for the real corporate 
comer. He has spent much of his 
shifting roles aud. proving his fle 
In my own case 1 have never managed 
w be 


а very impressive authoritarian, 
even in my own household. My dog 
looks at me skeptically when I shout 
“Heel!” during our walks. 

Those who assess potential exccutives 
— whether they do it by testing or 
terviewing or running a quiet check 
оп you—are generally worried Бу evi- 
dence of certain characteristics and 
habits, and favorably impressed by other 
evidence some of the things 

them: 

t you've had trouble get- 


ле 


*Mark my words, Balthazar, we're starting something 
with these gifts that's going lo get way out of hand!” 


ting along with previous associates (no 
matter whose fault it was). Many cor- 
porations are so frightened by possible 
troublemakers that they tend to fill their 
ranks with men who clearly are tame 


that you are 
interested. іп cultur 

esta lack of no-nonsense 

lity and mate- 


hly esteemed 


in most corpor. 

Evidence that you have in recent years 
gouen yourself overextended in debt. 

Evidence that vou— or your wife, if 
you are married — cannot hold your 
lique 

Evidence that you may have i 
problem 

Evidence that you аге vague about 
dates of past employment, which might 
indicate you were trying to cover up 
unfortu ob experience. (Му own 
loss of a couple of early jobs back in the 
1030s would take, for example, some 
ful explaining.) 

On the other hand, the assessor 
10 be favorably impressed. by 

Evidence that you are in robust health. 
Life ar the higher levels of management 
cam be exhausting and brutal. 

Evidence that you have а proven 
ability in an organizational structure to 
get along well with people both above 
and below you, and are a good co 
operator. 

Evidence that you get your main life 
satisfaction by proving yourself through 
achievement and by taking on respon- 
sibilities. 

Evidence that you are 
idly, optimistic kind of perso 
Evidence that vou are a 
and seem to have a good knack for 
making things happen. 

Evidence that you are vigorous, pur- 
poseful and. persistent 

Evidence that you are flexible and сап 
accept criticism like а good trooper. 

Evidence that you have a capacity to 
make associates feel challenged. 

On such а prosand-con assessment of 

ad characteristics 1 might get by 


harem 


tend 


n enthusiastic, 
fri 


One 
top-level execu 


spect of the inner world of the 
ve would be particularly 
ssive to me. That is the passion he 

Quite 
nt nur 


oppr 
has developed for order! 
possibly the corporate enviroi 
tures this passion. 

I like to think I have an und 
orderliness of mind, even if 1 doi 
what day of the month it is 


ess. 


"L know 
and even 


if 1 have the art of 
keeping a checklx balance. 1 
usually do know where things are. 


though 1 usually cannot tell anyone else. 
Interviewers and photographers who 
have visited my home often have been 
visibly appalled that my office does not 
look like the kind even an author is 


assumed to have (not to mention an 
executive). There is no spacious walnut 
desk, no pipestand, el 
hair, no walls lined with leather-bound 
ted with photos of fa- 


mous no desk, only 
piles of resca on a number 
of tables and on the Шоог and on 


shelves, so that I usually must approach 
my typewriter through а maze. It has 
been months since 1 have been to the 
botte basket. As а matter 
of fact, I keep adding IN baskets 

Another aspect of my inner world 
that would make me suspect as 
executive candidate is that 1 have 
al dread of either illness or failure 

researchers һауе concluded. that 
dreads characterize many highly 
successful executives. An even more se 
us handicap is that 1 have difficulty 
aking our society seriously. 1 feel our 
becoming increasingly pre- 
posterous in many of its manifestations. 
And to me much that takes place in 
the management ranks of corporations is 
hilariously preposterous, such as the 
solemn assigning of status symbols (num 
ber of windows, kind of bookcase. kind 
of wall decorations) on the basis of five 
or more levels of rank. The true execu 
tiveto-be is likely to take both himself 
J his corporate ¢ t quite 
seriously, if not solemnly, and to main 
tain fairly constantly, on and of the 
job. a mien of dignity. 

M we turn to the specific skills that are 

generally regarded. as important in po 
ial executives, Í suspect 1 could fare 
little better but still would be viewed 
as a long shot at best. Most of the 
able investigators. who draw 
up lists of the really essential executive 
bilities stress drive а HD others 
The real comer. it seems, is restlessly 
on the go most of the time and is likely 
to leel unhappy when on a vacation 
(unless he is striving to outscorc someon 
1 golf or bridge). On the job these men 
rc wound up and full of nervous 
energy pushing them relentlessly toward 
goals. This drive conveys а sense of 
nance and helps them give push to 
projects. 
I like to think 1 have ph ту of 
ive. At least 1 follow a pretty rigorous 
schedule of work and travel most of the 
year. But apparently my drive is not 
the relentless sort that impresses the 
executive appraisers. My drive is the 
floating kind, rather than the anxious, 
pressing kind, 

Presumably I should rate high in 
another wait thar is greatly esteemed i 
executives, the ability to comm 
since I've spent most of my life tr 
to communicate verbally or on paper. 
But an ecurive І would get into 
trouble by my apparently incurable habit 
of communicating occasional impudent 
thoughts and by being constitutionally 


m ol my IN 


эрес 
Some 
both 


society is 


bove 


unable to observe the crisp, stylized form 
of address that seems to be de rigueur 
in most managerial memo and report 
writing. One evidence is that I've never 
» my life been able to dictate a complete 
letter, even though I once was an editor 
id had. ssistant. I found. 
myself rrassingly stully 
whenever I started dictating (even to à 
ape recorder), and so usually suggested 
1 a few words to the secretary the gist 
of my thoughts for the letter and left 
it up to her to handle the details and 
menities. More commonly now I write 
the letters myself, by the thousands. То 
executive assessor this would suggest 
hopeless inefficiency 
\ good executive is supposed to be 
ble to be objective (detached) in deal- 
ng with old associates and friends in the 
company and to be able to deal roughly 
h them if the higher needs of the 
corporation demand. This would be a 
real problem because, while I rather 
elish kicking the shins of 'titutions 
that seem 1o deserve kicking, it dis- 
uesses me to appear unkind to 
individual. This alone would probably 
disqualily me as executive material. 
As for my habitual modes of behavior, 
1 would be fairly constantly in trouble 
because of loose observance of the rules 
of the corporate game, I do not enjoy 
ying of any kind. My record in 
serving on committees reveals all too 
clearly a patern in which 1 became 


wi 


1 rapid succession bewildered, demoral- 
in 


ed, bored 
lite 


nd delinquent. Eve 
ry collaboration my only ellort 
team playing proved to be exasperating, 
to me and completely fruitless. In short, 
1 do not qualify as the creative conlor 
vey conducted by Nation's 
viewed as the 
g a good 


ist who, à su 
Business revealed. i 
umber-one candidate for bein 


manager in todays world of corporate 
giants. 

Another problem is that I am mot 
predictable in my behavior, and а good 


executive is expected to be predictable. 
He is like the giggers that the Bryn 
ng th 
Their world of men is said o be 
ided into giggers and goons. The gig- 
gers сап be counted upon to do the ex- 
pected. The goons cannot, In one survey 
of executive attitudes two thirds 
high-level. executives. questioned 
with the statement that “even duri 
most relaxed and social occasions. they 
should avoid deviating from generally 
accepted behavior.” It is not generally 
accepted behavior to go olf aud take 
hap or stroll around the n 
ties, but I do this 


hborhood 


fairly 


frequently. 
Jertainly 1 would fail when it came 
to the inspection of my home life, and 
most huge companies give more th 
passing thought to this when hiring а 
min for, or promoting а man into, а 


important position. 

First there is the probable inspectio 
of the wife, either in a disguised inter- 
t to the home 
or in ion to а dinner with a 
few superiors and their wives. My wife 
I fear, would not pass as the nice help- 
mate most companies look for. 

One major executive-recruiting firm 
checks wife out ulking. dus 
operatives would get an carful in talking 
with my wife. She talks too bluntly to 
be an executives wife, and often chats 
t length on subjects that may be of no 
nterest to anyone but herself, such as 
Japanese sumi painting. 
en there is the question of whether 
my wife and I could qualify as good 
corporate citizens in our community 
First of all — and. this alone would set 
а limit on my pro bility at many 
companies— there is the known fact 
that both of us аге Democrats. At many 
companies the furthest left а man dare 
be politically i Independent, and 
in the upper ranks of some giant com 
panies even this is not considered toler- 
ble. Furthermore, we do not now 
plunge into community affairs as а 
good hustling executive and his wile 
should. Such activity is considered. nec- 
essary to help the corporation 
a publicspirited image. And it also 
helps the ambitious man attain more 
visibility before the eyes of his superiors. 

Years ago my wile served her term as 

T. A. president, and I served on a town 
committee and a schooLevaluation com 
mittee. But we both found ourselves so 
surrounded by hoards of young execu 
tive hustlers and their wives straining 
to gain visibility in and for their com- 
panics (or by retired executives) that we 
are more likely to espouse causes th 
do not appeal to, or are overlooked by, 
aspiring executiv 

Finally, if there were even a shied of 
hope that 1 might be considered execu. 


office or in a vis 


the 


on 


nota 


tail 


tive material, that shred would be 
inated by the fact that ] am 48 
years old. E still naively think of myself 


young man: but to the corporation 
bout as attractive, agewise, as а 
rold pugilist would be to a fight 
promoter. Corporations. generally are 
wary of taking on managers beyond thi 
age of 45 unless they already 1 
proven and attractive record 
management somewhere else. 

So there you are. The corpor 
of lile is singly exact 
Many of those who have succeeded i 
getting near the top of a pyramid sec 
jov the life they lead. ‘They like the 
nd the perks and the prestig 
the pressures. But frankly, Eve 
reconciled mysell without too much 
Brief to the knowledge that as [ar 
corporate cligibility is concerned, 1 had 
better stick to my typewriter. 


са 


n general 


209 


ВАШЕ (continued [rom page 111) 


id won the undying gratitude of Gen- 
eral Jolfre. After that we won the Ваше 
of the Marne, with the aid of the noble 
British. Whereupon we joined our 
dear friend Grand Duke Nicholas and his 
ning a stunning victory 


enough," said Marshal 


“It has exceeded our wildest dreams,” 
added Lester. 

Good," said Marshal Foch. “Ве 
mportant mı 
since Russia has 
n from the struggle, we аге 
able in the East. At all cost. we 
many from breaking 
its peace pact with Russia and ov 
g that nation and then perhaps 
па and all of Asia as well. There is 
only one way to make up for our loss 
of the Russian army. 1 am as 
you two lads to protect the entire east- 
ern front, Mal. you shall defend all the 
land from Pinsk north to the Baltic Sea. 
And you, Lester, shall defend all Ше 
land from south to the Black S 

“АШ by TU asked M 
" was the reply. "I 


am alr 
man to spare, and th; a 
true fact. And now olf with you. Good 


luck and Godspeed.” 

Both lads saluted sn 
tent. 

“Are you as upset as [ 
the field marshal has sa 
his chum. 
ndeed I replied 
grammar is slovenly. “True 
inexcusable redundanc 


d left the 


over what 
Lester asked 


Mal. “His 
U is an 


m," 


said Mal, 


ence, 


we shall be up 
k German divisions 
under the command of General von 
Heinke, with whom we have come face 
to face on many occasions in the past.” 
"Ge Heinke is a fine field 
eneral with a rather bizarre civilian 
background,” Lester recalled. “A former 
café entertainer and mimic, he is also a 
master of fifteen tongue 

“Оле less than the number we have 
LU said Mal. 
said Lester, "he has still to 
rn Hindustani. At any rate, 1 am cer- 
n that we shall have our work cut 
out for us.” 

The two lads loaded their pistols, a 
tached their swords to their sides, then 
mounted. their steeds. "Let us go over 
aid Les- 
1 front 


l von 


and I shall protect the southern frou 
h of us will face approximately four 
German divisions, with artillery and a 
craft supporting them. You know, of 
course, what our strategy is? 

nly,” said Mal. "We attack." 


g cach other good luck, the 
chums galloped of in opposite direc- 
tions. 


sk Mal 
ith the en- 

“Ho there, you Boche!” shouted 
. “Be prepared to receive hot lead 
id cold steel from one who has vowed 


With that he charged 1 


the mass of Germ: "€ 
Crack! Crack!” barked his pistol. And 
many Huns fell. 


Mal continued firing until his pistol 
was empty. Then he unsheathed his 
sword and ran through two dozen enemy 
soldiers, When the blade of his sword 
had snapped, he 4 olf his horse 
and put on a dazzling display in the 
manly art of self-defense, punch 
full 57 men into unconsciousness. 

Stunned, the bulk of the еш 
retreated to bury their dead. 

You may he mem 
philosophy is alien to that of ours, 
said Mal, disposing of 11 more Germ: 


ша 


my Forces 


18 
who һай foolishly remained behind, “but 
your duty is nevertheless clear and you 
have fought hard and well. 


Meanwhile in the south, Lester was 


also having quite a go of it, beset by 
several thousand Boche. "Crack! Crack! 


Crack!" spoke the 


lad's pistol. 


s empty pistol into the 
faces of the enemy, Lester then engaged 
in hand-to-hand combat with the foe. 
"The road to victory may be strewn 
with les at time: 
shouted Leste through a si 
and-a-half-foot German trooper w 
sword. “but I am loath to believe that 
the forces of right cannot ultimately tr 
ph in the 
“Himmel!” shouted a German. 
are nothing but а mere boy! 
“That is quite true!" said Lester, sta 
bing him dean through the heart, “but 
more than once | have accomplished 
man’s work.” 
At last the Germ: 


s fell back, leaving 
several hundred dead and wounded on 
the field. But Lest id dearly for 
his victory. His right sleeve was severely 
torn, his helmet strap was shredded. 
the heel on his right boot was mi 
three 

With the southern front quiet again 
Lester galloped back toward Pinsk. On 


ils. 


st some 
road. a voice cried, 


the outskirts of the ç 
50 yards from 
"Lester!" 

"Hark, 


v 


who is thatz" asl 
his horse toa h 
s L your chum, Mal 
the voice 

It is indeed M. 


s voice, mused Lester. 
"Lester." he said. “I am wounded unto 
h. But 1 have a message of incalcu- 
lable importance. The enemy is prep: 
ng a trap for you at the extreme 
southern flank by the Blick Sea. You 
must attack their center. Utilizing that 
course of action, von will catch them 
off guard and emerge victorious.” 

“Thank for the 
m shouted Lester. “Now T sh 
come into the forest to assist vou 
this, your darkest hour." 

t is too late.” was the reply. "I 
fear that 1 am done for. 

Immediately Lester put his spurs to 
his mount. But instead of attacking. in 
the center as Mal had ordered, he gal- 
loped south to the Black Sea. From there 
he made his way w s for several miles 
and then went north 
later he emerged on 
as he had planned. that he had 
behind the eight German divisions, 
of which were at that moment locked in 
mortal combat with Mal. 

m hing а 
picked up from а 
shouted to the С 


old 
l 
n 


vou messi 


he d 
Lester 


nd pistol that 
fallen. foe 
mans, "All of you, 
throw down your arms! I have the drop 
on you! You arc now surrounded by my 
fal. and 
surprised Germans, turning 
round and sceing Lester covering them 
п the rear with his pistol. and realizing 
t they were indeed surrounded, sur- 
dered to a mı 


“Bul 
asked Gen 
Lester 


how did you know 
1 von Heinke 
ad Mal were interrogating 
im. as the eight captured German di 
jons were already en route for intern- 
t on the western front. 

“How did | know that that wasn't 
Mal who was wounded in the forest?" 
ked Lester, "Very simple. At first 1 did 
ideed believe that it was Пе, for the 
s so like his. But you, General 
von Heinke, former café entertainer and 


voice w 


mimic, you with 
your imperso 
But 1 had (ho impres- 


sion of said the 


general. “And E th 1 had in- 
deed duped you would lead you 
into a trap. 

"You made one vital error, 
lad. you were M 


‘I am done for. 7 
* you make a statement like 
that under my name!" shouted Mal, 
g the general by the throat. "Even 


the expression were mot a colloquial- 


ism, I would neve 
a preposition. Not even if 1 were near 
death 

"There, there, old man,” said Lester, 
pulling ged chum away from the 
badly shaken German olficer. “WI 
you have every ] right to attack 
him, the intern: rules of warfare 
forbid the assaulting of a captured pris 


€ right, of course," said Mal 
re. 


way to temper h 

mused General von Heinke. 
his throat, "no wonder we 
so much trouble disposing 
confounded Americans. 


of these 


"Good wor. lads" said 
Foch in his tent the following d. 
have saved the eastern front. And now I 
е both good and bad news [or you. 
The good news first. You shall both be 
promoted to full generals during your 
fifteenth birthday party ar Chateau 
Thierry next month, As for the bad 
news, well...1 hope you can take it.” 

“What ked Mal. "Give it 


` said Lester. “Do not spare 


aid Marshal Foch, “I wish 
there were an casy wav to sav this, bur 
but... well, Fm afr 


id the war is 


What!” cried Lester stumbling back- 
ward and grasping a tent pole for sup- 
port. 

“Are you... 
tain sked the crestfallen Mal. 
Yes, it is wue,” said Marshal Foch, 
ot daring to look the lads in the eye. 
It 


"Oh, how dreadful!” said Lester. "It 
has been such а grand conflict, and we 
have had so much fuu. What is to be- 
соте of us now: 

“It’s back to junior high school for 
you shortly, Um afraid." said Marshal 
Foch. 

“But sir, 1 Mal "There are so 
ags we have left unfinished. We 
yet to fight with the Montene: 
ny We have yet to capture Kaiser 
Wilhelm. Isn't there any way at all of 


prolonging the stru; ro 
two? For our sakes? 
Field Marshal Foch shook his head 


gravely and went 1 


Kk 10 his papers, 


end. 

Aud so, on this rather sad note we 
shall take leave of our two ye ids 
for a while. But all is not as hopeless as 
it may seem. | am certain that my read- 
crs will want to read the next exciting 
book in this series, The Boy Allies at 
the League of Nations. or Sowing the 
Seeds of World War П. 


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AND SLACKS 


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NAPA 
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211 


PLAYBOY 


SHORT HISTORY OF TOASTS (continued from page 89) 


‘Their communal toast 
usually of prodigious size, and were the 
ancient prototypes of the large trophy 
cups awarded to winners of modern yacht 
races and other sporting events. “Noth- 
ing in Nature's sober found,” the poet 
Anacreon sang, in expressing the Athe- 
nian world view, circa 500 s.c, "but an 
eternal Health goes round. 

To the old Greek ritual of drinking 
every god in the Parthenon, Roman rev- 
clers added a rousing “three times three 
in honor of the С nd Muses. 
pledged their loyalty to Caesar by dow 
ing a cup for each letter in the emperor's 
пате — а stupefying custom which wa 
also employed іп toasting onc 
mistresses. As Martial d 
cups t0 Naevia’s health go quickly 
round,” and fair Justina must be hon- 
өгей with an additional seven. 

One English historian maintains that 
it was the Roman conquerors who tau; 
aient drink healths (o 
the Emperor. and to toast the rei 
ing belles with brimming bumpers 
Actually, though, the Romans had very 
little to teach the Dooze-thirsty bar- 
barians of the North. had been 
behing down liquid tributes ío gods. 
chieftains, kinsmen and chums since the 
prehistoric discovery that the fermenta 
tion of honcycombs in water would 
produce а kind of beer called “mead.” 
The Norse Valhalla, for instance, was 
hardly more than a heavenly beer hall 


ng goblets were 


aces 


eseribed it, 


Britons "to 


who 


the spirits of deserving heroes 
Med healths through all eternity, 


and one of the most ancient of 
ing terms — “skoal,” or skdl— survives 
from the grisly and forgotten age when 
Norse warriors drank victorious toasts 
from the skalle, or “skull,” of a slain 
enemy. In like manner, the English word 


АП toast- 


“health” stems from the Old Norse 
greeting Heill! which ve us "hail," 
“heal,” “hale” and "whole" From the 


Norsemen's Ves heill! or “Be thou well!” 
ame the Anglo-Saxon toast, Wes Ла 
which the haleand-h nglish even- 
tually slurred into “w 

‘The festive custom of wassailing ante- 


dates Christmas by many centuries, how- 
ever, and is believed to have evolved 
from the Northerners’ midwinter ferul- 


ity rites, in which bands of boozy 
celebrans trooped through the forests 
dl made libations of ale, mead or hard 


1 some 
al areas of Britain, and 
fetchingly described by The Gentle- 
men's Magazine as part of the Twelfth- 
night ceremonies in Devonshire, in 1791 

On the Eve of the Epiphany, the 
er, attended by his workmen, with 


f 


212 а large pitcher of cyder, goes to the 


orchard, and there, encircling one of the 
bestbearing trees. they drink a toast 
there several times." 

Whether held on Twelfth-night, New 
Years or Christmas Eve, the chief fea- 
ture of the feast was the bowl of wassail, 
in which the ancient fruitand livestock. 
theme was further evidenced by the 


dition of roasted c 

and the fact that the warm 

foring concoction was affectionately 
known mb's wool.” In a rhymed 
recipe i 1 
the poet Herrick directed 17th Century 


wassailmen to “crown the bowl full with 
gentle lamb's коой, 

Adde sugar, nutmeg and ginger, 

With stare of ale too: 

And thus ye must doe, 

To make the wassaile a swinger 

Long before Herrick hipped to the 
ginger-and-apples bit, the pagan toasts 
of the North Europ had been 
adapted to Christian devotions, and 
healths which were once drunk 10 myth 
ical nature gods were now addressed to 
the Savior and all the saints and angels. 
ilths to the Pope were dri 
ood Father" or au bon Pere, 
which the English called di 
bumper,” and the old wassailin 
set a joyous precedent for the first 
Christmas carols — the earliest of which 
often imposed the obligation to drink 
or be damned 
nce no true (hi 
to drink to the saints, or the “Christ 
Mass" which was Christmas, toasting and 
wassailing soon made drunkenness as 
obligatory as it had ever been in the 
Heathen days of yore and gore. As early 
s the Fourth Century, St. August 
nounced the “filthy and unhappy c 
tom of drinking healths,” which was 
but a ceremony and relic of Pag 
But the best vineyards and brewer 
Ш Christendom flourished behind mor 
stery walls, and many of the deny 
were so habitually and publicly imbued 
with the blessings of fermentation, that 
in the Eighth Centur ace felt 
compelled to br tter to the 
attention of Archbishop. Cuthbert: "In 
your dioceses certain Bishops not only do 
not h drunkenness, but they them 
selves indulge in excess of drink, and 
force others to drink till they are intoxi 
cated,” Boniface compl 
most certainly a great crime for a se 
of God to do or to have done...” 

Distasteful as the idea of tippling 
monks and fuddled bishops may be to 
modern churchgoers, it should be recog 
nized that the convivial health drinking 
of the clergy brought a touch of civiliz- 
ing ceremony to the secular drinking 
bouts of the Dark Ages. Prior to the 
Christian conversion of Sc lor 


songs 


an could refuse 


ШЕ 


ed. “This is 
n 


pooters had the 
Britons to drink, 
only in order to cut their thoats when 
they tossed back their heads to drain 
the proffered beaker— a savage bit of 
skal-duggery that led to the old English 
practice of “pledging the health” of a 
kinsman or friend, and standing guard 
Bloody and murderous, 
too, were the quarrels that broke out 
among drinkers wl accused 
of swigging more than hi: 
communal bow! or cup. Under the in 
fluence of the clergy, drinkers were or 
ganized into fraternal guilds, where 
brotherhood and mutual aid were 
pledged from a large "loving сир” in 
which the portions were measured oll 
by a set of meta] peg: 

Though brawliz 


nasty 


while he dranl 


and bloodshed d 
creased, it soon became apparent th 
the new societies merely ensured that 
members all had an equal chance to get 
thoroughly stoned, while the practice of 
drinking то pegs” resulted in brotherly 
contests to see who could guzzle the 
most portions in honor of the patron 
saint, and take his fellows "down 
by qualling a measure more. 
reason, toasting "between pegs 
demned by the Council of Westminster 
1101, and again at the Lateran Coun 
Gl of Innocent HL. But despite all de- 
crees and injunctions, monks, mouarchs 
and lushes of lowly station continued 
to invoke the names of saints, and do 
honor to things sacred, in order to g 
that no toast would be refused 
At the court of good King Wenceslaus 
thi ter commanded all to dri 
"in the name of the blessed archangel 
ic" and more than a century 

no less a protesting monk th 
Martin Luther cherished a. pet drinking 
mug, "around which were three vings 
The first,” he said, "represented the Ten 
Commandments, the second the Apostle 
and the third the Lord's Praye 
uther, we are told, “was highly amused 
able to drain the glass of 
through the Lord's Prayer, whereas 
his friend Agricola could not get beyond 
the Ten Commandme: 
In France, the chus 
men of the 160 Ce 
ed by Rabelai 
sts were robustly secu 
Luck to you, comrade 


was con- 


antee 


lugging church 
b 
whose own lit 
nd brief. 
Drink up. 


to 


friends: your health, there!" "Hail 1o 
all tosspots! Pity the thirsty!” 
England's good Queen Bess was no 


teetotaler, but the continual drinking of 
courtly toasts often left her counselors 
too befuddled ío be entrusted with af 


fairs of state, and aped her (o 

declare that she nev ed worse than 

when her health was drunk. 
Considering the intemperance of the 


period, literary skoalers may be moved 
to speculate whether Ben Jonson's 


dassic toast To Celia owed its inspira- 
tion to the Muse of poetry or the morn. 
ingafter shakes and megrims: 

Drink to me only with thine eyes, 

And I will pledge with mine; 

Or leave a kiss but in the сир 

Апа PH not look for wine . . . 

If one ke the word of the Eng. 
lish Puritans, neither Jonson's Celia nor 
any other city belle was likely to be 
satisfied with an exchange of intoxicating 
looks and saucy glances, however. In 
17th Century London there was reputed 
to be a “multitude” of “sottish women,” 
who would “qualf with the most riotous, 
and give pledge for pledge.” Even more 
deplorable was the fact that in some 
parts of England young maidens became 
so depraved by the unbridled license of 
ik healths 
г из were 
п men but abominable in women," 
puritanical author of Funebria 


the 
Florae famed — and, in this respect at 


least, his sentiments were seconded by 
that hard-drinking advocate of the e 
ball highball, Ben Jonson himself. 
Among university scholars, a fad for 
toasting women in "some nauscous dc- 
coction” paralleled our latter-day panty 
raids and goldfish swallowing 
scribing the drinking custom of 17th 
Century Oxford, one disapproving 
dergyman tells of a student who drank 
his mistress’ health in wine mixed with 
a large spoonful of soot. “His compar 
ion, determined not to be outdone, 
brought from his closet a phial of ink, 
which he drank, exclaiming, "To tr 


In de 


umphe and Miss Molly! ” According to 
ied 


the same source, these К-га 
young men ako esteemed it а gr 


privilege to get possession of a great 
order that they might 
their 


beauty's shoe, 
ladle wine out of a bowl down 
throats with it, the while they d 
the ‘lady of Title worth’ or the ‘light 
heeled mistress’ who had been its former 
wearer.” 

It is mainly to antitoasti 
will ne’s Health's 5 
and  Gascoigne's Delicate Русі 


for 
Daintie-mouthed Droonkards, that one 


must turn for information concernin 
the conspicuous cupmanship of the early 
Stuart era. For a detailed account of the 
manner а health was drunk 
1 the days of the first King James, for 
instance, there is no better report than 
that of the pamphletecring poet Brath- 
waite, who bore the ii nickname 
of "Drunken Barnabee": “He that be- 
ginnes the health hath his prescribed 
orders; first uncovering his head he takes 
a full cup in his hand, and setting his 
ce with grave aspect, he craves 
n silence being once ob- 
tained, he begins to breathe out the 
name peradventure of some honorable 
personage ... and he that pledges must 


likewise off with his cap. kisse his fingers. 
and bow himself in sign of reverent ac 
ceptance, When the leader sees his fol- 
lower thus prepared, he sups up his 
breath, turnes the bottom of his cup 
upward. and in ostentation of his dex- 
teritie gives the cup а phillip to make 
it cry twange, and thus the first scene is 
acted." 

Throughout the reigns of King James 
and his son, Charles I, drinking to the 
health of a king was a usual formality at 
tavern meetings between friends and at 
meals in humble cottages. But for all the 
toasts drunk to his health, Charles I 
fared far worse than Elizabeth, When, 
at last, the elegant Stuart lost his head 
to the ax of the Puritans, in 1619, the 
drinking of healths was forbidden by 
law, and the jolly wassail bowl was out- 
lawed, together with all the other 
“heathenish” trappings of yuletide. 

Though the celebration of Christmas 
was sanctimoniously avoided in Puritan 
New England, the "Saints" оГ Massa- 
chuseus displayed a most decided pref- 
erence for beer over water, and were 
not above drinking a health whenever 
it suited their purpose. While excessive 


drinking was discouraged and punished, 
New England fanaticism was never as 
well organ 


Scots of Fi 


а special mo 
of all disorderly swe: 
haunters of alehouses. especially 
reasonable hours and long sitters there 
and drinkers of healths." 

Chief among the "long siue 
London were those monarchists who ly 
ped the vindictiveness of Cr 


s squad "to take n 


walkers 


esc mwell's 


verns and drink subversive toasts 
to exiled Charles H. Eleven loi 
went down the hatch before Charles 
as restored to the throne in 1660, wh: 
n outbreak of riotous ro he: 
drinking caused the merry monarch to 
issue а troubled “Proclamation Against 
Prophaneness.” Fun was fun, the f 
from-prudish Charles acknowledged, but 
there was “a set of men of whom we 
have heard much. and are sulhaently 
ashamed, who spend their time in tv- 
erns, tippling houses, and debauches, 


dst ta 


w 


giving no other evidence of alfection for 
as but in drinking our health, and in 
veighin inst all others who are not 


of their own dissolute temper. 

Round-the-clock toasting and drunk- 
enness, committed in the king's name, 
had already forced Louis X1V to suspend 
all “wine courtesies” at the French 
court. But Charles’ proclamation seems 
to have been addressed solely to low 
class tosspots, for no tavern or tippling 


“Well, they'll just have to wait 
until I’m merry enough!” 


213 


PLAYBOY 


214 


house could boast a mo: 
of health drinkers u 
of Ensland, Palace 


dissolute group 
ı the royal court 


old Roman custom of drinking a cup 
for cach letter а lady me, aud 
Charles himself was reported to have 


drunk a boozy rapprochement with his 
estranged brother, the Duke of York, 
upon his royal knees. After which, 
cording to Samuel Pepys. the whole 
party “fell werying for joy, being all 
maudlin and kissing one another, the 
King the Duke of York. the Duke of 
York the King, and such а maudlin 
pickle as never people w id зо 
passed. the day." 

The Start pickle was reportedly 
compounded when Charles stood to 
respond to a toast in the officers’ mess 
a Royal Navy vessel, and bumped 
head on а low beam with such force 
that he immediately sank into his seat 
ain—a most painful and mortifying 
t supposedly started a new 
ion for s toasts while sit- 
down. But considering the quanti- 


mishap th 
tradi 


ties of ale, beer and wine consumed 
in drinking [7th Century toasts, sitting 
and kneeling may well have been more 


а matter of necessity than of choice or 


accident. At the wedding reception for 
Lady Ross, in 1693, “all the guests pro- 


ceeded to the great hall, where 
cistern of sack posset was discovered, 
and at once began the drinking of 
healths, by old and young alike, at 
first in spoons, and afterward in silver 
cups.” And when Charles brother, the 
Duke of York, was prodaimed King 
James П, in 1685, his health was pub: 
Пау drunk in glasses three feet long — 
the so-called “yard of ale" which is still 
served in traditional uu ped 


great 


sh 


sss at Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese 
in London. 

jared badly, too, despite the 
Шаз which were drunk in his name. 
Deposed after three turbulent. years, he 
fled to France, and the throne fell to 
the Prince of Orange, who became Wil- 
liam II and introduced the glish to 
the potency and economy of Holland 
gin. In the restless and rowdy period 
that followed. Jacobites who favored 
the return of james drank seemingly 
loyal toasts “to the King” by placi 
bowl of water on the table 
them to signify that they w 
drinking to the exiled Jam 
"over the water.” While Е nd ae 
tered on the brink of civil war, political 
“mug dubs” were formed where Jaco- 
bites and anti Jacobites could drink their 
partisan toasts without fear of blood- 
shed or reprisal. When the s later 
evolved into Tory and Whig, the mug 


taver 


between 


< secretly 
the king 


clubs became the leading political and 
the 


social groups in London, Easily 
most illustrious was the famed K 
Club, whose membership included such 
Whiggish wits and worthies as the Duk 
of Marlborough. Sir Robert Walpole, 
Congreve, Vanbrugh. Addison and 
Steele. At meetings of the Kitcat Club 
healths were drunk to the те 
beauty, who was elected each ye 
“The Manner of her Inauguration is 
much like that of a Doge in Venice 

2 s" Steele reported in his Tater 


artide on toasts. “When she is regularly 
chosen, her Name is wr with 
Diamond on a Drinking 
Hieroglyphick of the L 


shew her that her Value 
and that of the Glass to acqua 
that her Condition is frail, and depends 


"We're loo. 


ing for people who like to draw...” 


on the Hand which holds her" The 
ircat Club, as one old rhyme alleged, 


its name not from any "uim 
ray statesmen or green wits 


But from its pell-mell pack of toasis, 
To old Cats and young Ki 
ı the early 18th Century, the loyal 


toasts of Englishmen, at home and 
abroad, were offered to the health of 
middle-aged Queen Anne, It was on 


the occasion of the queen's birthday in 
the year 1714 that Samuel Sewall. then 
justice of the Superior Court of Massa 
chusetts, was roused [rom his fireside at 
the ungodly hour of nine т-м. to quell 
“the Disorders at the Tavern at the 
Southend.” Arriving at the house 
question with a constable у 
three, Sewall found “much Compan 
who "refusd to g They said 
they were there 
Health." he confided to his sympathetic 
diary, “and they had many other Healths 
to drink. Call'd for more Drink: drank 
to me, and 1 took notice of the Affront 

22 Mr. John Neumaker drank the 
Queen's Health to me. I told him I 
drank none: upon that he ccasd. Mr. 
Brinley put on his Hat to affront me. 
I made him take it off. I threaten'd to 
send some of them w prison; that did 
not move them. Not having Pen 
and Ink, 1 went to take their Names 
with my Pencil, and not knowing how 
to Spell their Names, they themselves 
of their own accord them. Ма. 
Netmaker, reproaching the Province 
said they had not made one good Law. 

Mr. Netmaker and his healih-qualling 
cronics were sentenced. to pay a fine of 
five shillings each—a mild enough 
penalty by the older Puritan standards. 
But Samuel Sew 
by his self-confessed error in condemn- 
tims of the 


away.” 


writ 


all was sall burdened 


ing the many innocent v 
Salem witch tials in 1692. A man of 
disturbingly human contrasts, he was 


also the author of the fist plea адай 
Negro slavery to be published 
Colonies, and а determi 


the 
пей wooer of 
comely widows. Though he refused to 


drink the health of Queen Anne, he 
often drank wine with Mrs. Denisoi 
«d amorous courtesies of the 
Madam Winthrop: “She 
to me, I to her... She had talked 
of Canary, her Kisses were to me better 
than the best Canary . . ." 

Imported Canary wine was too high- 
line for the purses of most Colonial 
Americans, who drank their toasts with 
a variety ol homemade brews. There 
were hard cider and metheglin (made of 
honey, yeast and water), perry (made 


from pears) and peachy (made from 
aches). Other alcoholic curiosities 
made from leaves, bark. berries, 


beans, roots and cornstalks. In an old 
ingalong favorite, the courageous Col 


onists proudly claimed: 
Oh, we can make liquor to serelen 
our lips 
Of pumpkins, of parsnips, of wal- 
nul-lree chips. 
Gourds and coconut shells supple- 
mented bowls, beak 


Te 


basic equipment for the drinking of 
no 


lonial healths. But “there was 
attempt made to give separate drin 
cups of any kind to each individu 
the table," Alice М. Earle, the author 
of Home Life in Colonial Days, noted 
at the close of the last century. “Even 
when tumblershaped glasses were seen 
in many houses . . . they were of 
communal size— some held a gallon — 
nd all drank from the same gl The 
reat punch bowl, not a very handy 
vesel to handle when filled with 
punch, was passed up and down as 
freely as though it were a loving cup, 
and all drank from its brim . . 

At Harvard. and Yale this was the 
original college bowl geme, kuer im- 
mortalized by a Dartmouth man in the 
Hanover Winter Song: “Ho, a song by 
the fire! (Pass the pipes, fill the bowl!) 
Ho, a song by the fire! With a Skoal . . 27 
Sarah Kemble Knight, who was said to 
be Benjamin Frankl old school 
teacher, watched the commuual cup 
round a Yankee tavern board, 
described the drinkers as ing ауса 
by the Lipps to a pewter engine." Her 
star pupil, the Sage of Philadelphia 
himself, referred to the glasspasing 
custom in an original Drinking Song 
dedicated to the proposition “That 
and Safety in Wine-bibbing's 


be 


While all that drink Water deserve 
to be drown'd. 

So for Safety and Honesty put the 
Glass round. 


A few decades later, the American 
toast was not “Safety and Honesty” 
drunk im mellow wine, but "Liberty 


and property” drunk in the бегу New 
ngland rum which was the alcoholic 
embodiment of the Spirit of 770. As 
Catherine. Drinker Bowen has pointed 
out in her study of John Adams and the 
Americam Revolution, “Liberty and 
property" was the password of the en- 
tire American rebellion. “Liberty and 
property were synonymous, . . . What a 
man owned his, as his soul was his. 
No prince, no king, no parliament could 
take it from him without his consent . . 2” 

In virtually every small village the 
symbolic "liberty pole” was planted 
outside а tavern which served as bead- 
quarters for the Sons of. Liberty, whose 
carly toasts were a peculiar mixture of 
the loyal and the rebellious. When 
members of the Boston group met at 
Chase's Distillery in 17 to celebrate 
the anniversary of Boston's protest to 
the Stamp Act, 45 toasts were drunk, 
commencing with “the King and Queen” 


and ending with the threat of “Strong 
halters, firm blocks and sharp axes to 
all such as deserve either!” 

In the opinion of the majority, the 
man most deserving of sharp axes was 
none other than Governor Bernard, the 
king's representative in th 
Massachusetts, who w 


was а favorite with American Tor 

Here's a health to all those 

we love, 

Here's a health to all those that 

love us, 

Here's a health to all those 

love them thal love those 

That love those that love them that 

love us. 

To the modern Ame 
insidious little tongue twister seems suf- 
ficient cause for rebellion in itself. In 
the light of such repeated provocations, 
we can only marvel at the restraint of 
those planter patriots whe, upon the 
dissolution of the Virginia House of 
Burgesses by the crown, retired to the 
Raleigh Tavern. іп Williamsburg to 
drink loyal toasts to the king, the royal 
family, “The Farmer" and а "Speedy 
and Lasting Union between Great 
ad her Colonies.” The bar tib. 
which came to 32 shillings 9 pence, was 
picked up by a committcem 
understandably destined to become 


that 


that 


n drinker this 


in the hears of his countrymen" — 
George Washington. “It was,” accordi 
to his biographer, ces Rufus Bel- 


Jamy, “his first expenditure for liberty.” 

In 1777, when the embatded Am 
cans were hoisting their mugs of rum 
grog with shouts of "Death to the ty 
rant!” and. "Freedom forever!" Richard 


| 


Brinslev Sheridan ended the. London 
opening of his brilliant new comedy, 
The Rivals, and heard Sir Harry Bump: 
er sing one of the merriest toasting songs 
which the wit of an Englishman had 
ever devised 

to the maiden of bashful 15; 


to the flaunting extravagant 

quean, 

And here's lo the housewife that's 
thrifty. 

CHORUS: Let (Ле toast pass — 
Drink to the lass, 

IIl warvent she'll prove an excuse 
for the glass. 


Here's to the 
ples we гіз 

Now to the maid who has none, sir; 

Here's to the girl with a pair of 
blue. eyes, 

Ind here's to the nymph with but 
one, sir. 

Whether 


charmer whose dim 


е 


clumsy, white- 
bosomed or brown-skinned, any woman 
could, in short bc toasted with a 
bumper, and thus provide "an excuse 
the glass.” But in October 1781, 
more momentous excuse was offered 
by the surrender of the British forces 
at Yorktown, which brought the Ameri- 
cam Revolution to a close. General 
Washington and Rochambeau, со 
mander of the French allie: 


slim or 


for 


sat down 
iner with the defeated. Lord. Corn- 
and his officers. Rochambeau 
raised his glass "To the United States! 
hington responded with a health Fo 

S" Cornwallis, with 


pointedly proposed a tous "To the 


215 


PLAYBOY 


216 


“Or 


and ГЇ drink him a full bumper 

No event in American history has 
been celebrated by the drinking of quite 
so many toasts as the winning of the 
War for Independence. When. Congress 
demobilized the Continental Army, 
Wa uer triumph 


i 
series 
toasts 
13. At Annapolis 


of banquets at whi 
numbered a symboli 
Washington added a 14th: "Sullicient 
Powers to Congress for general pur- 
poses!” 

While Washington was being toasted 
as “the Man who Unites all Hearts" 
and “Columb; Favorite Son,” the 
members of a convivial London health 
club, called “The Anacreonitic Socie 
were meeting at the Crown and Anchor 
Tavern where they opened their meet- 
ings with raised glasses and the singing 
of their club song. To Anacreon in 
Heaven. The anthem toasted the memory 
of the Greek poet who had declared 
life to be an eternal round of healths. 
The melody, which every Аша 
would immediately recognize that of 
The Star-Spangled Banner, was adapted 
to Yankee use as a tribute to Adams апа 
Liberty. and was later used the 
musical setting for the stirring stanzas 
written by Francis Scott Key. 

Another 18th Century toasting song. 
Auld Lang Syne, was fated to become 
the midnight anthem of all English- 
speaking New Years Eve celeb 


The melody was supposed to have been 
borrowed from the music of the Roman 
Catholic Church, and the words copied 
down by Robert Burns from the lips of 
old Scottish singer. In the land of 


ind brimming jiggers. the 
lia was not con- 
‚ howev 


share “a cup of kindness” at any 
and h ly saluted cach other 
with practical wishes for nse 
and mair silver!" “Health, wealth, wit 
and meal!” — and that most canny of 
all alcoholic benedictions, "Lang may 
your lum reek [or “Long may you 
chimney smoke"] wi’ ither folks’ coal! 
But, in justice to the Scots. 


emphasis upon material well-being is to 
be found im other folk toasts. such as 
the Irish Gaelic Sheed Arth! (7M 


sikt”). 

In the opinion of the Reverend Rich- 
ard Valpy French, Rector of Llanmartin 
and Wilcrick, who once gave a temper- 
ance lecture which was published in 
first and only history of toast- 
guage, the drink- 
ing of “especially in Scotch 
society, was tyrannically enforced." In 
the early 18005 persons named in a toast 
were bound to acknowledge the honor 
“by placing the right haud on the heart, 


saying in a very distinct and audible 
voice, and with a smile of gratification 


on the counte "Your good h 
ass of w 


ny wellrun dinner party, the host 


nee, 
then drinking off the gl 


At 


“I love the atmosphere іп here." 


was obliged to “drink the health of every 
one of the guests, who were obliged to 
follow suit, so that supposing 10 people 
to be present, no less than 90 healths 
would be drunk. The ladies participated 
in this part of the entertainment, and 
before they retired they had to take part 
1 another species of drinking diversion, 
. the rounds of toasts. This little game 
was played thus — each lady present had 
to name an absent gentleman, and each 
gentleman an absent lady M the 
pair being thus matched, were toasted 
together amidst many jocular allusions 
to the fitness of the ur OF all such 
azzling games, the 
gles out the dri 
which 
with the gr 
kind of round robin in which each per- 
son was asked to contribute some pretty 
litle platitude to which all could drink. 
Among the many “idiotic inanities" cal 
culated to make Lord Cockburn queasy 
with r n were such genteel gems 
May the pleasures of the evening 
bear the reflections of the morning. . . . 
May the hand of charity wipe away the 
tear from the eye of sorrow 

Unlike Lord Cockburn and the ab- 
stemious Rector of Wilcrick, 


sii 
as the oni 


posed to drink to a 

did i 

cast doubt upon their mothers’ virtue 
"Oaken ships, and British hands to 


Jerry hearts to village maide: 
May the game laws be repealed!” 
"May the village ‘belle’ never be too 


long in the clapper! 

"May the skin of your bum nev 
cover a drum 

"Lots of beef, oceans of beer, a pretty 
girl and а thousand а yea 

The last toast, with its heroic allusion 
to “oceans of beer,” presumably dates 
from the passage of Bill of 
1832. when legis introduced to 


induce the British workingman to kick 


the gin habit in favor of milder malt 
beverages. In ilis incre SI айай 
temperance, 30,000 beer shops were 


d with: 


oper year. and Britons r 
sponded to the challenge by drinking 
more beer and gin, too. “Everybody is 


drank.” Sydney Smith reported. “Those 
who are not singing are sprawling, The 
sovereign. people are in a beastly state” 


mng Victoria inherited the 
throne in 1837. her swacked and sprawl- 

subjects enthusiastically toasted 
The Queen, God bless her!” By 1845, 
a fad for adding shouts of “huzza” 
every toast had become standard pro- 


to 


cedure. “Nine times nine cheers” were 
given for “Er Royal Majesty" and any 
deserving ‘Arry, "Erbert ог Halbert — 


noisy ritual that eventually di 
into a restrained 20th 
of “Cheers.” 


hed 
Century murmur 


With or ойо huzzas, the pr actice of 


forces were still insisting а ge 
later. “Would that the archbishops and 
bishops of the Church of England would 
cease to submit to these appendages at 
luncheons and 
vench exclaimed 
1880, 


се 
| by way of с 
n 
The Roy 
was dr ; ‘Her Majesty's Ministers 
were drunk; “The Houses of Parlia- 


ment were drunk: “The Universities of 
nd? were drunk: "Popular Educa- 
tion in its extended sense’ was drunk; 
“The Clergy of Scotland of all Deno: 
wer drunk; ‘The P 
Schoolmasters were drunk; other parties 
not named were drunk: “The Fine Arts’ 
were drunk; “The Press dr m 
An equally healthful state of айай 
had long obtained in democratic 
i for more (han a century 
President of the United. States 
"The Members of both 
s" were drunk; “The 
and “The American 
were “The Wives and 
Mothers of all Free Мен” drunk. 
— together with the governors, legis- 
lators, citizens and judiciary of all the 
several sovereign states. “Drink rum, 
drink rum, drink rum, by gum, with 
me," expressed the will of a free and 
sty people whose manifest destiny 
can be traced through the merable 
slogans and rallying cries which have 
served. Americans as an excuse for a 
glass, ug or a gallon jug: “Tippe- 
canoe and Tyler too! 
ight!” “Reme 
or Bust 


American Farmer 
Eagle" drunk: 


we! 


ever!" “The Stars 
member the } “То hell with the 
Kaiser!” “Happy here again!” 


агі Harbor!” 
Set Ате 


“Remember P 


Keep ‘em 
flying’ 


1 moving again! 


ıı the pa 
vein of naval hero Stephen Decatur's 
"Our country: in her intercourse. with 
foreign nations may she always be right; 
but our country, right or wrong!" But 
in grog shops along the water front, the 
old bosun's toast was more likely to be: 

Here's to the ships of ow Navy, 

And the ladies of our land, 

May the just be ever well rigged, 

And the latter ever well manned! 

Wh nüeman of the old South 
might propose a courtly toast “To the 
ladies,” the Irish immigrant of the North 
was likely to be knocking back a crock 
of “blue ruin" with "Here's to the flea 
that jumped over me and bit the behind 
erary and social 
lights of New York and Boston. were 
toasting the delights of sherry with 
verses from Omar Khayyam, earthy 


Pennsylvania Dutchmen set the scene for 
a shot of schnapps with: 
So drink ich, so stink ich, 
Drink ich net, so stink ich doch, 
So ist besser gedrinka und gestunka, 
Osnet gedrunka, und doch gestunka! 
Which be translated "x 


may as: 


than to not drink and stink 
Though the jargon was mostly G, 
the reasot was 100-proof American. 
In the of folk toasting that 
preceded. Frol n, Americans drank 
to just about every sentiment. conceiv- 
able, and in a wide range of moods. 
Some toasts were a strange blend of 
friendliness and hos 

Here's a toast for you and те: 

And may we never disagree; 

But, ij we do, then to hell with you. 

So here's 10 me! 

Some expressed à touching fondness 
for a few clese friends and cherished 


possessions: 

Hail. good old hat, my companion 

devoted! 

Hail, good old shoes, blest deliverers 

from pain? 

Най, good old glass, ту unjailing 

inspirer! 

Hail. good old friends, ne'er 

appealed to in vain! 

Others were frankly Oedipal: 

Here's to the happiest days of my 

dije, 

Spent in the arms of another man’s 

wife 

— My mother! 

Some were dependent rather than de- 
voted, and raised the thorny question, 
“Is there booze after death?": 

Here's to you and you and you! 

If 1 should діс and go to Heaven, 

and not find you, 

I would turn around and go to hell, 

Just to be with you and you and 

you! 

Others were defiantly fatalistic: 

Here's to hell! May the stay there 

Be as much fun as the way there! 

There were toasts (ог tightwads: 


Lift ‘cm high and drain “ет dry 
To the guy who says, 


“My turn to 


to the men who lose! 

IL is the vanquished's praises that I 
sing, 

And this is the toast I choose: 

“A hard-fought jailure is a noble 


rt produc- 
tion number for whimsical nature lovers: 
A wec little dog passed a wee little 
tree. 
Said the wee little tree, “Won't you 
have one on me?” 
“No,” said the little dog, no bigger 
than a mouse. 


“I just had one on the house.” 

But the favorite toast was still to a 
woman. To her face. the smooth-toastin; 
ladies’ man of the Eighties and Nineties 
might raise his id murmur, “I 
have known many, liked a few, loved but 
one, darling — here's to you!” But in the 
all-male atmosphere of the corner sa 
loon, the same health-hip Lothario could 
comradely guffaws and envious 


Here's to you, and here's to me, 
Here’s to the girl with the dimpled 


knee. 

Here's to the boy who fastened her 
garter; 

It wasn't much — but a darned good 
starter! 


Another swain, either 
or more truthful, 
sadly declare: 

Here's to dear Alice, so sweet and 


less fortunate 
might be moved to 


good. 
God made Alice —1 wish 1 could? 
Which, in turn, might inspire a reci- 


tation of: 

Here's to the girl who lives on the 

hill. 

She won't, but her sister will. 

Here's lo her sisler! 

In the highly agitated opinion of one 
temperance poet of the carly 20th Cen 
tury, anybody's sister would. if she were 
properly plied with 
“Oh, lovely maids!” he c 

Never for all Pactolus’ wealth, 

In wine let lover drink your health! 

Beware the traitor who shall dave 

For you the cursed draught 

prepare... 

As the tempo of American drin 
began to swing from a win 
waltz time to a jazzy cocktail quickstep, 
е toasters contributed to the 

ion of women by concocting 
draughts that would liberate even the 
most fettered female libido, and bo: 
toasts became more outspoke 
Removing the rakish overseas 
part of his World W 
the citizen soldier toasted his sweetheart 
of the week with а peppy switch 
sentiment that. had once made ia 
Cockburn limp with nausea: 

Here's to the wings of love— 

May they never moult a feather, 

Till my big boots and your little 

shoes 

Are under the bed together! 

Whether she giggled or silently r 
her glass to lips that shaped a smile 
promise, the soldier's sweetie might con 
plete her patriotic tour of duty with the 
cordial cuteness of: 

Here's to the night I met you. 

I[ 1 hadn't met you, I wouldn't have 

let. you. 

Now that I've let you, Pm glad that 

1 mel you. 
And ГЇЇ let you again, 1 bet you! 
On leave in Paris, dou 


boys found 217 


PLAYBOY 


218 views of most speak- 


ad a 
rhymed health hint to convey the same 
hospitable ide: 
Је vous baissez. je vous amour. 

Si voulez vous. je vous encore. 
Which few members of the Si 
Corps needed to have decoded as, 
kiss you. I love you. ЇЇ you wish, I'll do 
again.” The French toast, Yanks soon 
learned. was not only À votre santé! oi 
То your health!" but 4 vos amours! — 
loves!"— with a regard for the 
brought. French grammar 
into complete agreement with the facts 
of French life. "Here's to the girl who 
gives and forgives and never sells!" а 
Gallic grenadier would thu with 
the aid of English subtitles. “ 
the man who gets and forgets 
tells!" A nos femmes, à nos chevaux et à 
ceux qui les montent! the cavalryman 
could be heard to reply: "To our 


h mesdemoiselles h 


women, our horses and the men who 
ride them! 
Italian antrymen toa 


trudged to the tune of Viva, vi 
lamor . . . Viva la compagnia! Bri 
tomm of the Middlesex Re; 
di Here's to the Middlesex! Here's 
to the fair sex! Here's to the middle of 
the fair se Battalions who fought 
their way through Flanders found the 
Iriendly Flemings eager to drink Dat we 
het nog lang mogen mogen! — “That we 
y still like it for a long tim And 
troops who went the whole route into 
Germany found that Prosit! was prosaic 
compared to the boygirl Brüdeischa[t 
toast, in which everlasting “brotherhood” 
was drunk by linking one's drinki 
through that of a frolicsome Fraulein 
for a face-to-face rendition of: 

Trink, trink, Brüderlein, trink; 

Gel’ nicht alleine nach Haus! 

Meide den Kummer und meide den 

Schme 

Dann ist das Leben сіп Scherz! 

Ti was followed by a most un- 
ed until both 
parties were higher than a Gemütlich- 
‚ brother dear, dri 
lone! Avoid sorrow 


m 


do not go home 
pain, and all your life will be fun. 


u mir! — “IE 


Willst du Bier, Komm 
you want beer, you must come hi 
was not the slogan of the American Anti- 
Saloon Lca , however. When Ameri- 
can veterans returned home, they barely 
had time to say "Here's mud in vour 
eye!” before Prohibition was upon them, 
nd American toasting was on its way to 
becoming а lost art. Raw bootleg booze 
and the quick-shot speak-casy atmosphere 
did not lend themselves to the savoring 
of either sauce or sentiment. 

I'm lired of drinking toasts for cach 

little shot of gin, 

Let's toss out all the hooey, and toss 

the alky in! 

Such w the 


ed but unpoctic 
whose 


desire for the forbidden delights of 
booze often exceeded that for the pleas- 
ures of the boudoi 
When 1 want. it, E want it awful 
bad. 
When I don't get it, it makes me 
awful mad. 
When 1 do get it, it mak 
so frisky — 
Don't get me wrong, I mean a shot 
of whiskey! 
Though мот 
avail 


me, oh, 


much more 
ple than good Scotch, sex not 
irelv overlooked. But the excuse for 
а fast blast of hooch was less likely to be 
a woman than it was the act of inter- 
course itself: 

Here's to it. and to it ag 

Hf you gel to it and don't do it, 

You тау never get lo it to do it 


were 


er 


again! 
Prohibition was sti 
when a fad for thi 


drinkers of all 
and hip Huskers who had flunked out of 
high school lifted their steins and high- 
ball glasses “to dear old Maine" at the 
ЕТІПТІ behest of an Ivy 
League type bandleader named Rudy 
Vallee. The University of Maine became 
the alcoholic alma mater of the masses 
and the classes. along with such gr 


es 


crooncd 


toasting institutions as Georgia Tech, 
whose mous Rambling Wreck son 
gave raberah encouragement to thou- 


sands of unmatriculated rummics: 

Га drink to ew iy fellow who comes 
from lar and near; 
m а rambling wreck from Georgia 


vch and a hell of an engineer! 
Then as now. Joe Colley 
one hell of a drinke 


was also 


brothers m. 
to Joc. he's truc 
through 


He's a drunkard, 
nd through! Drink it down. 
chugal until Joe had 
drained his glass. stein or pitcher. On 
the eve of the 1929 stockmarket crash. 
affluent frosh were offering humor 
healthy “To dad—the kin you love 
to touch!” But with the onset of the 
Depression. unemployed alumni and 
undergraduates on short allowances were 
seldom in the mood for anything more 
spirited than "Heres how" or "Down 
the hatch.” Repeal of the 18th Amend- 
ment brought back legal beer and 
bonded whiskey, but no event in the 


blue. 


as 


past 30 years has managed to inspire a 
renaissance in American toasting- 

A similar decline in toasting is said 
to have taken place in Japan, where 


ic feudal hcalths have been stream- 
lined down into so g that sounds 


pay!" and suave 


islated to th shores, such highly 
provocative healths could only le, 


ШЕТТЕ 


dings and hasten a return 
to Prohibition, In a fluid society, such 
as our own, the interested health с 
thusiast would do bener to experiment 
with toasts to blondes. bruneues, red 
heads, Republicans, Democrats, repea 
of the income-tax laws, planned parent 
hood for Belgi bbits— ог anytl 
else that strikes his fancy. But it would 
seem likely that mass enthusiasm dor 
toasting could be aroused most casily by 


drinking to the joys of drinking itself. 
Other cultures have long since recog 
nized that booze is. after all. the best 


excuse for raising а glass that man has 
ever devised. Hence, the Russians have 
traditionally promoted peaceful coexist- 
themselves with “Drink until 
` and the Germans 
“Drink until your nose shines red 
Carbuncle, that it may be your light 
in this li kness! 

“Hurray for саф 
n' We're going home drunk!” 
year-round Portuguese toast which most 
Americans would. openly endorse. only 


hurray for 


is a 


»yment, 


when wc 
monosyllables for the 
quence of “Mery Ch 
"Happy New Year!” Though unsui 
for use in August. and inappropri 
weddings and bar mi 
Christmas" and "Happy New Y 
undoubtedly the two jolliest toasts we 
nd can hold their own with such 
asonal toasts as the French 
Joyeux Noel! the Spanish. jFeliz Navi- 
dad! and the Italian Buone Natale! 
Depending on where one spends the 
holidays, the Christmas toast may be 
Gledelig Jul! (Norwegian), Vroolijh 
Kerfeest! (Dutch), Weselych Swiat! (Pol- 
h) or Mele Kalikimaka! (Haw. 
\ Welshman may say: 
Ors о twydd 
aflo 
"N deg efjaith hanfodol — 
A Gwynfa "n ei ran, ar ol, 


exubei 


gwir sylweddol -а 


Yn gu haddef dragwyddol! 
Hes just recited a toast to your 
earthly success, and olleri wish 


that Paradise 
home. 
Those 


nay be 


who 


re not conversant in 


Welsh may make a reasonably appropri 
n lor 


te reply by repeating the Alban 


May you be happy toot" — Gi 
gofsht 
Should he cou with "Brrompr* 


ne drunke- 


don't put him dow 
It only means that he 
to a friendly drink in your adopted 
tongue. 

ik your glass against his with a 
smart mwange, bow three times, kiss 
your fingers, and reply with a reso 
nant “Brromp pach!” — “1 accept your 


challenge!” 


g you 


HOMECOMING 


(continucd from page 158) 
g at the plume. "EUH make such a 
dreamy hat..." 
Sammy reached across Helga 10 way- 
y Giacomo. He produced two discreet 
1000-lira notes, jerking his thumb up- 
ward: "For the puppet man. OK?" 
^ из all right,” Doris said to 
dinand. "You climbed for the edel- 
weiss at Cortina for me, didn't you? And 
the edelweiss was much more difficult 


Ferdinand put his hands round the 
mocha cup. "lt was just for you, in 
Cortina," he said to the cup. 


“The plumes just for me 

“fe was diferen,” Ferdinand 
quietl 
edly! You mean we were alone in 
Cortina? Only because my leg was still 
bad! We couldn't go out and шесі people 
ad so on! Don't be so desperate be- 
cause I'm more lively now!” 
She put her arms round his torso 
ıd gave a mock to hoist 1 
"Oohchch! 

It brought h 


said 


roan 


m to his feet. The si 
footthree of him was standing, heavy- 
ribbed gray socks, leather shorts, leath 
braces aud all. He drew his hand across 
his mouth slowly as Tve seen 
peasants do when weighing uncertain 
weather, But 1 realized now that there 
was nothing of the yokel in him. His eyes 
were deepset, deep brown — unusual in 

man of his coloring, He looked at the 
1 fixedly and, as his hand sank [rom 
his face to his side. 1 suspected that he 
was appalled, had been appalled, per- 
haps. for days. His tensed, rigid bulk, 
his jutting profile and heaped-up hair 
n ніна me, for all his youth, of 
a captive forest pa 
saintly, baffled at the same time. There 
about him a rapped uprooted 
splendor on which the curiosity of the 
Mocambo fed, a many-anuered magnifi- 
cence helpless amid the bars and stares 
of a zoo. 


Alpine 


ps те 


riarch — a istic, 


was 


Then he leaped, reached the flagpole 
with both hands, chinued 1 I up, 
came astraddle with а swoop of his lcg 
slid forward, tore oll the Irom 
which the helmet hung. jumped down: 

Sammy took the helmet [rom him and 
put й оп Doris. black hair, He gave her 
neck a light stroke. “I dub you the 
knight," he 
“Thank she cried, and pressed 
Ferdinand’s and Sammy's hands t 
herself. She really was the prettiest thing 
in months. 

L realized that 1 was still standing 
there and went on home, 


suing 


you 


h class 
iybody. Two hours 
y to meet my date's 


But Taormina is а small 
hole. You can't lose 
later I was on my w 


the top of the diff to the station and 
Mazarro beach at the bottom. I had more 
than two thirds of the way behind me 
when I saw them, Doris and Ferdinand, 
on Mazarro. He knelt before her. т 
ing her sandals; he blew a bit of sand 
off her instep. They ram. He im old. 
fashioncd-looking striped. shorts, she in 
golden корі n 
hand till they hit the surf. I lost them 
quickly in the glitter of the sunset waves. 
Which was just as well, for 1 heard. the 
whistle of my train. 

My guest that evening was one of a 
series sent me by a positive New York 
aunt who w: 
тілше 


ссе. They ran haud 


nts to restore me to mar- 
d to usefulness. This particular 
visitor wasn’t bad. She received standa 
treatment, Dinner at Jose's, short g 
tour along the Corso Umberto, La 
Taverna. La T a constitutes the 
Letter part of our night life and provides 
local color in the form of sleepy waiters 


in old Sicilian costume. While the 
band played Anima e Core 1 found out 
that her fiancé had fallen at Salerno. 
Afterward, 1 inferred. she had Deco: 


hostesshousckecper to 
bachelor. politician in a 


her brothei 
New England 


state; he had become an attorney general 
but nothing had happened to her. I 
guess her three months’ wip to Europe 


was supposed to make something happen 
at last. 

Т must confess that though I remember 
everything clse so well, 1 have forgottei 
me. But still vivid mind is 
how compliantly she danced, and tha 
Ше Mediterranean sun had darkened 
and dimpled what was probably a pale 


jagged face іп Vermont, and that she 
head 


threw her back carefully. when 
Tau: her neck stay smooth, 
And that. throughout the evening, she 
waited. It might have been quite nice to 
hold onto her hand a moment. longer 
than after a rumba, aud to 
remark that it was а little ill-considered 
of her to move on so soon to Messina 
tomorrow without giving me the chance 
to show her the Greek amphidheate 
But it was't in те Pd had it for 
while. In the alcove across the dance 
floor sat Doris and. Ferdinand. 

Their company, of course, was Sammy, 
Lilo and Helga. Since they were in my 
direct line of vision, 1 changed seats, 1 
«ішігі want to stare past my visitor too 
often. Yet cither out of the corner of my 
eve or while 1 was on the dance floor, 
the whole spectacle forced 
in tromboncdealened pantomin 

First. during rumbas, Lilo danced 
with Doris. Sammy with Helga. The 
knights plume was pinned to Doris’ 
dress hilariously like a corsage and 


necessinv 


self on me 


Ferdinand sat lone and upright on his 
chair, watching it. Then, during fox 
trots, Lilo danced with Da 


and Sammy with Doris. But Doris ran 
back to the table and Ferdinand had 


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219 


PLAYBOY 


to help her tike off her shoes so she 
Her than Sammy. Waltzes 
Ferdinand’s help she 
slipped into her shoes to dance with Lilo 
Sami Tanned himself behind Doris’ 
back to indicate to Helga that he was hot. 
Haga tried to giggle with Ferdinand. 
but only got his lips into some courteous 
movement. He kept looking for Doris" 
plume. Tangos began and Doris threw 
olf her shoes to dance with Sammy. Lilo 
and Helga smoked. Ferdinand sat very 
upright, staring into the dance floor, 1 
don't believe he could see the plume 
anymore, for the lights had dimmed. 
did. since I was dancing myself with my 
visitor, who moved well, smiled steadily, 
had soft compliant tango-thighs not 
ave t 

The plume was no longer pinned to 
Doris dress. It must have bee п ob. 
stacle to the rapt deft ardor of Sammy's 
his one arm curved tight into 
the small of her back while the other 
raised her hand to an oblivious һе 
The plume hung obliquely from Sammy's 
teeth, bobbing now and then into Doris" 
тари. She would give a small tickled 
nd wy to snatch the plume with 
з teeth п. Once she caught 
me watching and tossed me the headlong, 
smile of a child caught in ardent play — 
the kind of i iously lovely girl-child 
you want to kiss hard and spank hard at 
the same time. 1 decided to dance check 
to check with my visitor. It form 
of self-defense against the child. It didn’t 
work. 1 kept on watchin: 

Intermission: Sammy wh 
the orchestra, Doris stuck her plume into 
Ferdinand's hair. He removed it. She 
shrugged, drank, slumped. didn't bother 
to put on her shoes aga The lights 
dimmed: barefoot. she receded with 
Sammy into a thicket of tangos. Hels 
bent with Lilo ove o Was 
drawing on a napkin. 

Ferdinand sat uprisht. Suddenly he 
drobe girl, 
oped onto the d 
floor in his leather shorts, a baffled 
wading into a waisthigh creck. He threw 
the lace stole across Doris’ shoulders, led 
her to the door. But there he had to 
stop, stoop, to put on her shoes. It was 
enough time for the three others to catch 
up with them. ollered Lilo's 
caricature to Dot hter con- 
тиса into the outside 
played Anima e Core 

We left shortly after them. I became 
aware of a certa ed expectancy in 
my visitor cheek-to-cheek, and 
decided there was no point in leading her 
on. I told her 
theater wasn't half as 
Messina's Montasoli Foun 
suppose it was some sort of 
for her. 1 kissed her in the lobby of the 
н Domenico and on the whole didn't 
ng it оі badly. Afterward, I 


wouldn't be 
ame on: 


to con 


swaying: 


in va 


pered with 


ure 


too 


combed the cafés. Nothing. Doris and 


her friends w nowhere. 


The following day I worked till dinner 
and for some time after it. Worked fairly 


well, as a matter of fact. But suddenly, 
around nine, there sneaked into the 
house a wicked silence that drove me 


out. 1 walked the length of the Corso, 
past the couples and the cafe tinkle and 
the smell of olive oil from the отта 
mixed with the women’s perfumes, 
it was fine. But the 
in front of the Mocambo, and it was bad. 
For this is a piazza only by day. By night 
t becomes a silly and e nda 
it the dilt falls away into the sea in a 
darkness of granite and groves. The ex- 
n of oleander and j the 
r lights of Calabria, the soft echoed 
bark of dogs, and the twinkle of bouts 
upon the bay — all that, all right. 1 had 
become used to i 

But that night there 
excess of a rife moon and two violins 
from Ше Mocambo the 
breeze. A couple stood silhouetted in 
front of me. and the a short, ex- 


reached the piazza 


s the additional 


quisitely scented creature, reached up 
slowly along her la back and 
chored her hand in the hair on his 


паре. For a moment I tried to recall my 
ex-visitor’s hotel reservation in Mes: 
She had had those nice tang 
And telegrams are dirt cheap 
But it wasn't me. It 
me. Being with a girl in such a place at 
such а moment is corny, I told myself, 
though being alone ле. 

And then I saw Ferdinand. He must 
have just said goodnight to Lilo aud 
Helga; his back was still curved the 
in the 
the Alpine peasant. Lilo 
Ікей away, already “cleaning up." for 
m was thrust through Helga’s. ges- 
turing. She sent outa thin, premeditated 
titer, There was another giggle іп the 
dark square, perhaps at Ferdinand. He 
stood now, an oversize, strangely 
dressed apparition. He drew his hand 
across his mouth, blinking up at 
Не stood so damned much alone that 
1 went to him ied him good 
evening 

Etna was useful because we could look 
at it and 1 could bring up last 
eruption. But after a while that ex 
hausted itself. Not even the fact that we 
talked German helped. He just stood 
there, drawi 
I felt stuck, and tried to ma 
some more comp: 1 
if he had bı і 
to Ita 

Some," he said. 

“May I see the 

He looked at me. He nodded. We 
walked through the alleys and up the 
stone steps to the Timeo, their hotel. 
Just before we reached it, he said hastily, 


medieval bow that has survived 
courtesy of 
` 


lone 


ng his hand across his mouth. 
nufacture 


as if to get the matter out of the жау, 
“She is being shown the two volcanoes 
from the mountaintop.” and I nodded 
as one does to acknowledge a minor 
clarification. 


They had an airy double room with 
poplars below the window. We both 
avoided the three white suitcases from 


which pink th 
her more for tl 


ngs trailed, 1 almost hated 
incidental indiscretion. 


He went to his bed. pulled out from 
under it an ancient traveling chest with 
iron hinges. "To this day 1 don" know 


how he'd stuffed it into her tiny MG. He 
opened it Inside were two white shirts 
like the one he was wearing and, wrapped 
in а heavy, gray-loden jacket, four un- 
nished crucifixcs. They were criblenath 


1 that, together with the fresh white 
birch which was their flesh and the 
tender, tentative way he laid them side 


by side upon the bed, made me think of 
abies. I asked him if his art was in his 
ily. 


“Үс” he said. "my father and my 
grandfather.” And suddenly: "They 
didn't talk to me. any of them. 1 went 


their 
"c. 


nd they all had 
‘They just looked 


away with her 
windows open. 
And then they closed them a 
ıd stroked across the figures, pull 
the coverlet to make it a more comfort 
able thing to rest o 

“There are no faces,” he said. 

h was truc. Some of the fy 
still, shapeless bundles: in the 
agony of a shoulder was already defined, 
or the h the foot. But what 
s the blank- 


others 


they all had in common wa 
bove the neck. 


ness 


1 said. T felt 1 
ought to say something. "So you always 
do the faces | 
“1 finish cach one complete —1 use 
0," he said. He turned away a little. 
can't do the 
the valley 
He had fe out now, 
ly grazed the toe of the third fy 
with the point of the blade. The knife 
handle ended in a ram's head whose 
woolly ma d been worn smooth. Like 
the chest, the knife had probably. been 
handed down through generations. So 
were the features of the Savior. I remem- 
bered how almost every. valley 
Tyrol has its own Christ. And 1 tho 


1 
es anymore since I left 


but 
u 


ng imo his village from across the 
з. ripping him lightly out of his 


(other planet, 
mo an indirectly lit 
h, with view, and 


" on an empty 


ano, i 
double room with 
there, sit 


double bed with four faceless figures, 
alone, 

71 told them we would be back after 
geting the ma he 
said. 71 told them 1 would do the spring 


ones m 


"while. But they closed the 


windows on me." 
“Oh,” I said briskly. "You make about 
four at this time of the year?" 
He nodded. “1 can't do the faces,” he 
d. His knife had begun to hiss 
the toc of the third figur 
the figure with his left h 
same time held it away 
though afraid to touch it too intim 
Somehow I felt I shouldn't see this. 
Well.” 1 said. "Well. in a way Fm in 
а similar profession. We all have our ups 
and dowus. Goodnight. 
Goodnight,” he said. standing up and 
iving his litle medieval bow. He had 
put down the figure on the bed. But 
walking away, outside in the corridor, 1 
could hear the low lost hiss of the knife 
in. 


nd. but a 
from him as 
tely. 


Next morning 1 drove to Palermo. It 
was my regular Palermo day to lay in 
supplies for the month and maybe smell 
a little city dust and visit reality. But as 


Гус said, you can't lose anybody. Just a 
1 was about to turn into the highway, I 
nearly van him down. Though he walked 


along the shoulder of the road, thoug| 
his leather-shorted leviathan shadow was 
hard to overlook, he had that blind 
somnambulist stride 1 always associate 
with disaster in a pedesti 
ment he looked up at the screech of the 
brakes, I realized he had changed. 
Ferdinand! Where're you going? 

He didn’t salute me in any way. He 
pointed to the station: “The train to 
Pal 

“This is the car to P 
"Hop int" 

1 suppose Т was always so breezy with 
him out of some sort of discomfort. He 
came into the car quickly and wordlessly, 
with an efficient curling of 
body. His check glinted blond, which 
meant he 


he mo- 


lermo," 1 said. 


his endless 


looked as if he come o of his 
valley yesterday. But that wasn't the real 
change either. 


“Where can 1 let you off in Palermo?" 
It was the best I could come up with 
fter casting about for a revelatory but 
afe question. 

"phe American Consulate, please. 
“Can 1 help you? 1 know one of the 
consuls ——"" 
he permission is necessary,” he said, 
“or the permission is not necessary. It is 
casy to find out.” 

For a moment I considered mention- 
how time dulls all things and how a 
year from now all this, et cetera, et cete 
But I rcalized l'd only make it worse. So, 
temporizing, 1 elaborately cursed а Lam- 
bretta that overtook me and at the next 
curve was saved by a little boy with hi 
thumb in the air. 


vic 


He went to Palermo, too, this little 
boy, and he had a baby goat in his arms 
which turned ош to be wonderfully 
energetic. It jumped from front seat to 
back until it had to be tied down. 
Even immobilized. it licked everything 
w reach and, out of sheer exube 
ance, made a small mess on the scat 
cover. This caused. such prolonged stern 
wrath in the boy that I had to 
pacify him with gelati at а roadside 
Stand and let him wash off the dam: 
long after it was no longer there. The 
goatlet, in short furnished а whole 
potpourri of exigencies during which 
Ferdinand could sit suaight and silent 
in the back seat without seeming ignored. 
It was all so easy that after 1 had let the 
boy off at Quattro Canti іп Palermo, I 
felt suddenly rather remiss. 

"Are you going back to Taormina 
tomorrow? 

I thi he said. 

‘Let me pick you up 
will you stay? 

"E don't know," he said. 

‘Vm staying at the Palme. 1 can 
reserve you а roo 

He shook his head. 

“There is the Jolly Hotel. Very nice 
and inexpens 


Where 


“Thank you." He looked at my hand 
on the door handle, for we had reached 
the a “Thank yo 


from which said to him 
need off. 
"Look." T said, "why don't we have a 


between nine and te 
“Thank you," he said, lool 
door handle. 1 had to let him go. 
He didn’t appear at the bar, thou: 
ted till 11. The Jolly didn't know 
Next morning 1 found (he 
Consulate. closed. Saturday — of. course. 
Though I am not sure how I would have 
inquired about his inquiries it it had 
been open. 1 asked myself what 1 was 
making all the fuss about and drove 
back, vi 
coast, the radio turned on fall 


1 
of him. 


the scenic route along the 


But there is this about coming toward. 
aormina from the north: the green 
lemon groves on one side and the clean 
sallron beach on the other assume a 
drastic brightness. As vou come nearer, 
Etni's peak fevers up silver and the wild 
geraniums ellervesce on the hills. All the 
world begins to heave. The panorama 
breathes like an infinite animal made of 


. Now that's what I call welcoming in the New Year! 


221 


PLAYHBOY 


222 


“Ask not what Santa сап do for you, Miss Keyes— 
ask what you сап do for Santa! 


fine «d goaded by the sun 
into adent, insidious glitte 

I squinted, shut off Radio Napoli. 
Suddenly E was afraid. There was а train 
from Palermo scheduled to arrive at least 
hall 1 was already on my 
way up to the s but Usurned, 
made for the beach of Isola Bella. Lilo's 
house is built so dose to the shore there 
that an image of its mosquelike pale-bluc 
dome always skitters in the wate 
lives in a room on the ground floor а 
the gravel path that leads to it has known 
the crunching of many a high heel. On 
that path Lilo stood now in the pale- 
blue shorts that matched his dome. I 
knew from his cuter toward the с 
that Ferdinand had been here. I had 
never seen Lilo 
“He knocked over the foyer vase.” 
Lilo’s head loomed into my car win- 
dow like a bespectacled balloon. “Не 
frightened the maid so she’s still locked 
in her room 

"Where did he go?" I asked. 

“Up to town." Lilo was all adenoid 
and no wit, “But I called them. 1 told 


hour ago. 


them to get away from the Timeo. He 
found their swimming things from last 
night. He took them.” And through the 
surting motor I heard it “He 
knocked over the foyer vase 

I parked the at Mazarro Beach 
and ran up the spiral path. 1 knew he 
must have taken the footpath. 1 had no 
idea what to say to him but I r: 
fast as the dusty old steps would let inc. 
T came to the fork; both branches led up 
to the town-top of the cliff. 1 ran up the 
left. t the eucalyptus copse I had a 
view of the curves ahead: no onc. I тап 
back to the fork. I panted, coughed hot 
dust. The sun sl ay brai 
would never catch him by foot. 1 
back to the car. The ti yammered 
around the curves. 1 couldn't get my 
wind back all through the drive. I was 
still panting when I spotted them at the 
clillside terrace of the Mocambo. Samm 
slouched back easy in the wire cl the 
red kerchief was loose around his neck 
because of the heat; his olive elbow lay 
haphazardly on her arm. 

You look hot do you know," she 


sain: 


пир as 


ran 


said, sweet and snow-white in a playsuit 
Her e ıt my wheezing, “You 
need some iced tea 

And I saw him. ar down at the 
Corso Umberto, partly obscured by a fat 
woman with a parasol. 1 didn’t move. 
Not because Sammy's hand held me down 
— he wanted this to be all his gesture, 1 
suppose, 1 didn't move because the face 
behind the parasol compelled me. It was 
so direct, straight, simple. My mind. as if 
to cover the next few seconds idleness, 
displayed Ferdinand to me: walkin 
away from Lilo's vase: mounting the 
spiral path, past the pink outbursts of 
almond trees and the flower-inflamed 
cactus: Ferdinand, holding 
а golden two-piece and 
о as his kerchief, both 
aming party of the 
пішін before, Ferdinand walking through 
bouzainvillaea and tuberoses, his heavy 
Alpine boots beating down, frightening 


5 
small lizards imo a slither and, pe 


“brows rose 


angle, crimson 


s of the sw 


del: 5 for a half second or so the 
happy girl іп Riviera shorts who ran 


forever down the footpath to Mazarro 
Beach, Ferdinand walking. 
gold 


id clamped 
nd«rimson burden 
g under the stoic Sicil 
i that mo- 


bi 
nd, in my m 


I's c 


ment, he looked small among the rocks. 
za. 
said, "where in the 


" and broke olf. He 
had dropped the swim clothes. (I remem- 


ber them — crimson crumpled over gold 
on the pavement like a big, broken 


butterfly.) Sammy leaped to forestall 
him, but was tipped ‚ lay stunned 
t the curbston 

Ferdinand hugged her to him, hugged 
her high. In her white playsuit she 
hovered above the railing that guards 
the clill. She moaned surprised. A drop 
of sweat ran down his check. 
for а second did his mouth crook into a 
grimace of exertion. Then it relaxed. Не 
put her away from him. He let her go. 
She didn't scream until she had fallen 
out of sight. 

He turned away from the gasp, the 
rush, all around hir 1. but happy 
and Tree, like wx for supper. 
and perhaps that was another rcason 
why they didn't stop him, He ran toward 
the Timeo. 

I found him ther 1 of anyone 
else, in what used to be their room. One 
of the crucifixes lay cradled in his arms. 
He was carving the loving and the sulfer- 
into the Savior's face. A small breeze 
through the рөрініз outside the wine 

^ church bell tolled four. His ki 
whispered, whispered to the wood. 1 
dosed the door gently on him. They 
didn't have to hurry so, down in the 
street. He was at res, He was quit of 
her. I guess he was back in the valley. 


Yurt only 


ahe: 


dow. fe 


FUN and GAMES 


тиити — Guests are seated іш a circle. 
Game begins wl the 
asks a personal question, on any subject. 
Person to his left must answer the ques- 
tion truthfully, or say, “I have to go 


ests 


home now,” and leave the party. Each 
guest in turn must answer the initial 
question until it has involved the entire 


circle, including — finally — the person 
who made up the question, Then the 
person on the starters left asks 

question, or one in further. pusu 
details not evoked by the first ques 
and once again exch person in the circle 
must respond truthfully or .dn 
this game, it is not conside: ng 
to claim the Fifth Amendment. 


mEARSAY — One guest is asked to w 
down а short true story about himself or 
bout another guest (or about both of 
them) and then read it in a whisper to 
the guest on his left, who whispers it to 
the next guest, and so on. (No repetitions 
are allowed, so guests must listen. care- 
fully to get it right the first time.) By 
the time the story reaches the 
it likely will not bear the 
semblance to its original form. After the 
last guest has told it aloud. cach guest 
in turn, going backward, must tell the 
version he heard, until the initiator reads 
the accurate account. 


ather at one end of 
the room, the women at the other. After 
the host douses the lights, the object is 
to find one’s date in the dark. No talking 
is allowed, so identification must be by 
braille. A penalty may be imposed on 
the last couple to get together. In a 
variation, the guests are blindfolded and 
the lights left on. Опсе а man finds his 
date, they may then remove their blind- 
folds and enjoy the others’ gropings 


FUMBLE — The men 


MIX & MATCH — The girls leave the room 
and cach deposits an article of clothing 
in a basket. АП girls must deposit the 
same article; carly in the party it may be 
nocuous as а shoe. The girls then 
return with the basket. At a signal, the 
men rush to it, cach grabs one piece 
of clothing, then goes from girl to girl 
in an ellort to find the owner and to put 
the artide back on. The result is not 
only considerable contact, but a chance 
ior male guests to meet, ly. 
women other than th tes. As the 
game progresses, the article of clothin 
can become more intimate — with in- 
creasingly rewarding results. 


Buzz — Guests sit ii 


cirde and begin 


counting olf clockwise, but every number 
и, 


divisible by seven, or with a seven i 
must be called "buzz" at which рой 
the counting геме missed. 
turn or à mistake means that the player 
must down his drink. Of course, those 
who miss once or twice will be more 


s directio! 


(continued [rom page H6) 


likely to miss again. The object of the 
me is to get to 50. but things get very 
tricky around 27 and 28, both of which 
are "buzz numbers which means a 
double reversal of direction, and often 
fusion. Strip Buzz is played in 
me circles: players who goof remove an 
ийе of clothing instead of drinking. 


тізе ronc— This tougher version of 
er confusion and 
«Готе much more drinking. On num 
bers with three in them. or d ble by 
three, the player says “Ping”; on num- 
bers with five in them, or divisible by 
fixe, the player says “Pong.” The catch 
changed every 
time the word is “Pong.” Both Buzz 
Ping Pong should be plaved at a rela 
tively last pace, too long 4 hesitation 
On à guest's part counts as 


much coi 


E 


ы; involves gr 


isi 


& UNCROSsED — For best results, 
two or three people should know (he 
before the game staris. Then, 
a pair of scissors is passed 
E the seated circle of g the 
pass them crossed [or 
the recipient sayi 


SSE 


secret 
play b 


icsts, 


passer s 
uncrossed]; 


and 
“I receive them crossed [or uncrosed]. 


who says crossed when he should 
must take 


Anyon 
say uncrossed. o 

healthy swig ol his drink: those al 
ready in the know will tell him if he 
right or wrong, because actually crossed 
and un not to the scissors 
but to the le ser and тесе 


vice ve 


s ol pa 


carecoutes — Players in the circle set a 
n for this game by capping their 


ads in unison. The first player, on the 
category — 

claps 

m the 


| handcktp. names 
instance. cigarettes. Everyon 
hen the next player 
brand 

around the 


Гог 
twice more, 


le 
the c 
circle, 


cir ust oa 
tegory: and so it goes 

until someone mises. Brands 
can't be repeated, and when the player 
can't think of one in the time allotted 
by the clapping rhythm, he has missed. 
He must chugalug his drink. after which 
he starts the clapping again and names 
a new category. Categories must be broad 
enough (automobiles, movie titles, mam- 
cians. ctc.) to go around 
t once. 


me a 


the сігае at 1 


лнен.ких — Your guests, in a circle, 
kneel while holding a bed sheet by its 
es. A single feather is placed in the 
center of the sheet, and all begin to blow 
at it. The idea id being touched 
by the feather by exerting enough lung 
power to keep it away. Anyone touched 
st down his drink, and the game be 
the simplest of 
e of the most fun. 


games, th 


тише палам — Another game for 
poolside, Several men (or all) are paired 
ой girls holding Selzer bottles. 


Then the host asks cach man in turn 
questions like "Do you like 
"Do you like гей?” "Do you like horses? 
and "Do you like kangaroos?" But the 
irls have been told in secret that, unless 


with a double letter in it (yellow, 
тооз, or lic Williams), he 
squirted the Seltzer, or, for 
creased. chagrin, all men get squi 
when any man misses. Game con 
until the last man has caught the code 
—or the 1 Then comes sweet re 
uy» get the bottles, and 
get squirted unless they say they 
like something that has four legs (de 


even 


in- 


with 


twin boys). That pretty well 
The solution in 
more dificult if, 


evens the score. (Note 
code becomes 
s she 
iy therefore. not squirted. the next gi 
is asked, with careless stress on the wrong 
t ol the question, "Do you like 
tables’: she will probably say yes, and 
= plural tables having morc than four 
legs — she gets the Seltzer.) 


The final category of games is called 
Mone in the Dark. These are one-time 
only games with the same group, because 

a cach game there “cach.” 
p informed (that is, 
in the dark) is best selected from the 
newcomers to your circle of friends, un- 
less one of the regulars has been unlucky 
party at which any of 
the following games were played. Also, 
if one of the party poopers remains 
(even after a round of Truth), clect him 
tt for the first game in this section, and 
i he docs your premises shortly 
iu 1. then he is possessed of either 
steel nerves or a bone head. 


psycHoanatysts — One of the group is se- 
lected to be rr. The unfortunate who is 
ir is toll to leave the room and is 
informed that while he is out of the 
room the others will make up a story of 
some sort, at which point it will be 11's 
task t0 return and uy to discover what 
the story is about by asking everyone in 
turn whatever questions occur to him, 
though the others will be restricted in 
their answers to yes, no or maybe. Once 
tv is out of the room, the others will 
€ up no story wha 


socver. They will 


g their 
joke or two at 11% 
expense and reminding any squares who 
don't know how the game is played (il, 


indeed, there is still a sq n) of 
the real rules, which an 17 ve- 
turns, any question asked that ends with 


à consonant nswered with a no: 
апу question asked that ends with a 
vowel is answered with а yes; a question 


endin, а "y" permits the answer 
maybe. The point of the game is that 
rr makes up his own story, and in the 


process discloses to the amateur psycho- 223 


PLAYBOY 


224 is asked his op 


nalysts present, by his free association, 
his unconscious. fantasies 

Here, brielly. are three actual sto 
пустй by unfortunate trs for 
delectation of their friends 
et, whose mother i 
also a midget, marries a boy midget. 
Goaded on by her mother, the girl 
midget on her wedding night has sexual 
course with an elephant, and dies. 
sister shoots and kills her brother 
n she discovers him in her barn, 

milking machine for the 

pose of masturbation. 
3. A circus train is wrecked and spews 


s 
the 


terco 
ә 


whe 
using hi 
pu 


forth freaks who rape all the women 
living in houses beside ailroad 
tracks. 


Stories like these could never be con 
trived by a group of people sitti 
around a room. They can only develop 
the course of this malevolent parlor 
game. One hapless chap invented the 
following story in the following way: 
rt: Is it a story ? 

Yes. 


ANSWER: 
mn: Es it about 
axswer: No. 
п: Then every characte 


за person? 


ANSWER: No. 

и: No? Well .. . supernatural charac 
ters? 

ANSWER: No. 


тт: Is there a monster in the story? 
ANSWER: Maybe. 

n Well, lers see — does a woman give 
1 monstrosity? 

answer Maybe 

1 Well, does shez 

ANSWER: Ye: 


irth to 


ro Maybe? and Yes? Oh, it's two? 
ANSWER! Yes. 
ıt: Siamese twins! Is there a cr 
ANSWER: Yes. 

Aud so it went. The story untolded 
was of woman who destroyed the 
Siamese twins she had borne out of 


wedlock by rippi 
her bare hands 


£ them to pieces with 
When rr was told this 
ted in the 
hot denials. I was 
patiently exp s it has been 
to every rr to date complete! 
mechanical and arbitrary method of 
answering gave him a free choice at 
every turn, and that, for example, he 
шіні 
bout time, historical ре 
riod, motivati ) ally, 
it was explained that the question as to 
to 
n, 
might have ю 
think about people as distinct from non- 
n insisted on having 
in his story, even after 
were no animals. 

The game can be ended when rr is 
told that he has wormed out the entire 
story as contrived by the group. Then he 

оп of the person or 


was his own story, he r 
with 


usual. way, 


€ started өш by asking ques- 
locale 


people, but ul 


persons who would make up such a story. 
The pigeon may not be certain what to 
say to this, but after ascertaining that no 
one’s feelings will be hurt if he is brutally 
frank in his critique, he vill undoubtedly 
castigate the mentality and morality of 
the unknown culprit or culprits. Then 
tell him who made up the story. 


Y — This one is not nearly as sa- 
s Psychoanalysis, The patsy is 
at while he is out of the 


distic 
simply told tl 
room. a person will be chosen by the 


uests, and rr must guess who the person 
is. He can ask questions of cach 
turn about the person's appeara 

tivities, or his personal life. Matter of 
«t, personal questions are encouraged 
When rr room, cach guest 
learns that the person he is to describe 
is the one sitting on his right, and that 
he must answer the most personal ques- 
tions honestly and to the best of his 
who is rr c 
direct only one question at a time to 
ich guest in turn, who must answer 
"Yes" "No" or “1 don't know.” The 
game ends when rr guesses that the per 
son he's after is “The Person on Every- 
one's Right.” 


leaves the 


knowledge. The perso 


CHEEKSY-WEEKSY— While the sucker is 
out of the room, explain the game to 
the other guests, When your man returns 
to the circle (which should be, and 
probably is, boy, girl, boy, girl, etc), the 
host begins the game by pinching the 
check of the gil next to him and saying 
as he does so, “Cheeksy-Weeks 
bit of foolish flirtation continues around 
the circle. It will certainly seem silly and 
ther pointless to the unwary mark, and 
he will become y bailed 
to why everyone else wy such a 


петсазі 


s 


h 
linc time. What he doesn’t know, how- 


ever, is that the girl tweaking him has 
lipstick on her fingers, freshly applied 
from a tube held behind her back. If, 
by the t to look like 
a carnival mask (since, each time around. 
it changes to Chinsy-Winsy, and Nosey- 
Wosey, and other pucrile variations). he 
still hasn't been able to figure out the 
reason for 
Mirrosy- y 
minor will do the wick. 


пе his face begi 


JUST WHISTLE — Guests form a сй 
around rr, who is blindfolded, and 
silently shake hands with rr or clap him 
on the shoulder as a distraction to allow 
the host to pin a small plastic whistle 
on а iwofoot string to r^s back, Then 
ır is told that someone in the circle 
going to blow a whistle and that he (11) 
is supposed to try to grab the whistle 
blower. But since the first whistler is 
behind him, whenever he turus, the 
litle whistle will be propelled to the 
other side of the circle where someone 
else blows it, And so on until rr realizes 
that he has the whistle himself. 


UNDER THE SHEET— A guest is seated on 
the Hoor in the center of the circle and 
a bed sheet placed over him. He is told 
that he has to guess what the group 
wants him to take off and then remove it. 
He must continue to take things off 
under the sheet (while the things 
he has removed and handed out are put 
Out of his reach) until he realizes that 
the "something" to be removed 
tually the sheet itself. By this time, he 
may be in no condition to do so. 


ds ac 


movie pin -In this final gam. 
everyone is ат, but no one will real- 
ize this until it is much too late. To 
begin, the host asks everyone 10 retire 


close to a 
chair in from of the couch. 1 he 
two men and one woman. Th 
and one man are designated 
and are told to sit on the couch. 
The other man is designated as “direc 
tor” and is told to pose the couple on 
the couch in any way he pleases. Trick 
is that, when he has posed them as fiend- 
he is told that he is now 
the ad must take the place of 
the on the couch im exactly the 
pose he has set up! Now a girl is called 
in from the other room and she is made 
director and told to pose the couple on 
the couch. Then she is told to take the 
place of the gal on the couch. And so on, 
and on, until all the guests have been 
the goat. (Important note: Just standing 
idly about in the other room will make 
the waiting line restless: if it does not 
boast a bar, a dartboard or some form 
ог diversion for the directors-to-be, the 
best thing to do is reserve а group game 

n or Buzz, to be 
ting guests at this time 
By the time the remaining players are 
too few for continued play, they will not 

€ long to wait before their turus.) 


stars 


A good host will keep in mind that he 
is the Master of Revels, not the umpire 
ad his role is to see that the guests are 
entertained, not held to a rigid schedule 
of play. H they are having a fine time 
h jus one game. all evening long, 
don't worry about time limits, prizes, or 
even rules if they begi introduce 
own variations. To be remembered 
the fellow who knows all those won- 
derful flexible about 
sions; if you see a 
game is falling flat, of course, be ready 
with another, But if everyone is having 
a swinging time, just remember that your 
m is simply to create an atmosphere 

ich your guests may enjoy them. 
to the fullest, and then to relax 
the fun. After 


wi 


n to 


party games, be 


your planned. di 


ADVICE TO A YOUNG MAN 


stimulating expectation 


LUSTY, ROBUST, FULL-BLOODED NOVELS, 
crowded with the vitality of incident 
and detail are hardest to write- 


THE DEEPEST AI 
logic but to 
but to heart, 

WRITING A PLAY is ¢: п writing 
а novel. It is the easiest literary medium 
th . but there may be wee 
months of thinking it out beforehand. 

MODERN POETS are doomed to w 
in a barren region, amid those millions 
who care nothing for true 
1 согар forever 
terialistic people who 


s and 


1 wisn 


ме no missioi 


writers ha 


THE BEST BOOKS are 
nonintellect 

A CREATIVE PERSON ver be happy 
his living in the business world 
to crate in his private 


world. 


ON CRITICS AND CRITICISM 

vir HUMAN мих has many bad habits. 
Among the most pernicious habits of 
the mind, worry, pessimism, dishonesty, 
selfishness, and the spirit ol чиј 
ПШ? е the lead. Of these, ha- 
bital criticism is perhaps the most 
destructive, contagious, and least re- 
strained of any 


а Ga is a self-appointed 
court, judge, jury, verdict, jail. and 
electric chair all in one. He 


lived faultfinder 
anarchist in 
ghis. He feels he is ra 
ge personally his fellows. and his text of 
procedure is, "The end justifies the 
means." He tears down where he should 
upbuild, inspires doubt and sell-distrust 


and hope should rule 


individual 
d up to man- 


where cour 


victorious 
ELOQUENT CRITICS are sometimes the 
poorest. judges. 
DOL CAN CRITICIZE апу nd 
, but a man must be wise in 
experience to approve intelligently and. 
understand. 
£ FAULTS of no American author 
have been so paraded before the public 
as those of mi 
SOME OF THE PROFOUNDEST 
ics of the century h 
But I seem to be 


literary 
ve assailed me. 
ble. 


cri 


impres) 
1 HAVE WHAT SEEMS out of place in a 


critic, a kindly heart. 
ON LOVE AND WOME) 
Love is the greatest adventure in 


peoples lives. 
тик weART is the noblest part of 
human nature. And the affections are 
the noblest ingredient in human 
ONCE WHILE HEARING a young lady 


(continued from page 153) 


highly praised for her beauty, T asked: 
What kind of beauty do you mean? 
Merely that of the body. or also that 
of the mind? Many a pretty girl is like 
a flower which is admired for its beauti- 
ful appearance. but despised for its 
unpleasant odor. It is heuer to 
acquire beauty than to be born with it, 

xo wise PERSON will чу 
ilv. It may exercise а powerful at 
traction in the frst place, but it is 
found to of comparatively litle 
consequence afterward. То marry а hand- 
some figure without. character, 


rry for b 


tures unb. 
nature, 
takes 


tified by sentiment or good 

is the most. deplorable of mis 
As even the finest landscape, se 
becomes monotonous, so does the 
most beautiful v, unless a beautiful 
nature shines through it. The beauty of 
y becomes commonplace tomorrow. 
goodness, displayed through 
the most ordinary features, is perenni- 
ally lovely. This kind of beauty improves 
with ay id time ripens rather than 
destroys it. 

A MAN SHOULD NEVER be too precisely 
analyti 

WoMEN 


al of a woman. 


sensitive — instrumk 
through which men blow their emotions. 

SILENCE is often the best ornament 
ol а woman. 


are us 


ON EDUCATION 

1 CONSIDER 
enemy of manki 
1 
destructive 
погапсе 


IGNORANC 
1. 


the primary 


E musas syp ds not only self- 
but naturally stupid. Selt- 
its normal condition. 

THE WORST FO: ı the world is the 
man who will admit nothing that he 
cannot. see or feel or taste, who has no 
place for imagination or vision or faith. 
THE SECRET oF алет, even from а phys 
ical basis. is to learn the laws of the 
world and submit to them willingly and 
cheerfully. To make the best of them is 
to make the most of them. 


боо» SENSE, disciplined by experience 
and inspired by goodness, results in 
practical wisdom, Indeed, goodness in 
re implies wisdom — the highest 


MAN 15 CAPABLE of various Kinds of 
ion. He is possessed of physical, 
jous, intellectual, 
Each requires education 
The education of all makes him com- 
plete: the education of part only leaves 
him deficient. 
TIE EDUCATE 
n do someth 
s work r 
n 


1 me 


tics. 


MAN is the man who 
and the quality of 
ks the degree of his edu- 


N 


rir mi MENT а young 
make is im good books. the 
which 


study of. 
broadens the mind, and the facts 


“Oh, you теп... ! You're all alike!” 


PLAYBOY 


226 


of which equip him the better for his 
life calli But books are not valuable 
only because of the available informa- 
tion they give—when they do not 
instruct, they elevate and refine. 

^ GOOD BOOK is often the best urn of 
а life, enshrining the best thoughts of 
which (l life w capable, For the 
world of a m is for the most. 
part, the world of his thoughts. The best 
books are treasuries of good words and 
golden thoughts, which, remembered 
shed. become ou 


's life 


CONTACT мати OTHERS is requisite to 
enable a man to know himself. It is only 
by mixing freely in the world that one 
сап form а proper estimate of his own 
capacity. 


ANY so bad out of 
which a man may not | 
to make himself better. 

1 REGARD тик HOME as the most inllu- 
ential school of civilization. 

HOME Is тик FIRST and most important 

school of cl IL is there that every 
civi receives his best moral 
training, or his worst. 
LAW ITSELF ds but the reflex of homes. 
‘The tiniest bits of opinion sown into the 
minds of children in private life after- 
wand go forth imo the world. and 
become its public opinion. Nations are 
gathered out of miseries, and they who 
hold the leading strings of children may 
even exercise a greater power than those 
who wield the reins of government. 

un RIALS € are often 
before our face. while our foolish eyes 
look away to the ends of the earth 

TO KNOW AND LOVE NATURE is а simpler 
and higher th n to know the | 
ology of the rocks a 
of the trees 


ERE ау NO COMI 


n someth. 


zed be 


Mat 


утром 


chei 


а the 


SU! 


WE CANNOT TRAVEL every path. Suc- 
cess won along one line. We 
must our business the one life 


purpose to which every other must be 
subordinate 


1 name a тихо done by halves. H it 
be right, do it boldly: if it be w 
leave it undone, 


THE MEN OF HISTORY Were not per- 
petually looking into Ше mirror to make 
sure of th own size. Absorbed in their 


w 


rk they did it. They it so well 
that the wondering world saw them to 
be great, and labeled them accordingly. 


TO LIVE WITH A HIGH IDEAL is à success: 
ful life. It not what one docs, but 
what one tries to do, that m: а ma 


strong. 


EVERNAL VI 
aid, “is the price of liberty.” 
equal truth. it may be said, “U 
ellort is the price of success.” H w 
not work with o 


With 


do 
r might, others will; 
ad they will outstrip us i 


the race, 


and pluck the prize from our grasp. 
SUCCESS grows less and less dependent 


on luck and chane 

SELF-DISTRUST is the cause of most of 
our failures. 

THE GREAT AND INDISPENSABLE HELP to 
success i: ter is crys- 
салса habit, the result of training and 


conviction 


educa- 


Every с s influcuc 


by heredity, e 


acer 
vironment and 
tion. But these apart, if every man were 
not to a great extent the architect ol 
his own character, he would be a fatalist, 


an irresponsible creature of circum- 

stances. 

INSTEAD Or savisa that man is a erea- 
of circumstance, it would be 


arer the mark to say that man is the 
architect of circumstance. It is ch: 
acter which builds an existence out of 
circumstance. Our gth is 
by our plastic power. From the 
materials one man builds palaces. an- 
other hovels Bricks and mortar are 
mortar and bricks, until the architect 
can make them something else. 
FARNESTNESS, 
tion — those a 
of persuasion 
THE SECRET OF WISDOM, pow 1 
knowledge is humility. The secret ol 
influence is simplicity. 
тик TRUE WAY to gain much is never 
to desire to gain too much. 
WISE MEN don't саге for 
can't have, 
1 UKE THe 
еш, when 


neasured 


suc 


same 


and convic 
the great instruments 


SERIOUSNESS, 


what they 


the 
com- 


story of Alexander 
upon his deathbed, 
manded that when he was carried forth 
to his grave his hands should not be 
wrapped, as was usual, in cloths, but 
should be left outside the coffin, that all 
men might see them, and might see il 
they were empty 


ON HAPPINESS 
THAVE SEVER BEEN basically pessimistic. 
н P have appeared so to some 


readers. 
I HAVE TAKEN L 
be disposed to opti 


Е so seriously 
nism. 


as 10 


PESSIMISM ds a waste of force — the 
penalty of опе who doesn't know how 
to live. 


action, and every pow 
is intended for action. 


таз A GOOD POLICY to strike while the 
iron is hot. It is better still to make the 
iron hot by striki 

I HAVE ALWAYS FOUND that it's more 
painful to do nothing than someth 


Or ALL тик Vi 
enthu: 


TUES, cheerfulness a 


sm are the most. profitable. 
ENTHUSIASM flourishes more often in 
adversity than it does in prosperity 


rows out of an inw 
superiority to our surroundings. 
RULE TO LIVE BY: one day at a 


CONTENTMENT 


A GOOI 


me. 


WE FALL INTO. THE MISTAKE. of suppos- 
ing that to look forw 
look anxiously forward. It is just 
to look forward with hope as with 
sadness. 

SINCE FEW LARGE 
us on a long lc 
а kage unde 


rd n 


SL mean to 


is easy 


PLEASURES are lent 
ht to cultivate 
rowth of small pleasures. 


IME SOURCE OF NEARLY ALL the evil 
nd unhappiness of this world is selfish- 
ness. We know ir bur we still keep on 
being selfish. 


WE ARE SHALLOW JUDGES of the happi- 
ness or misery of others. if we estimate it 
by a 


y marks that d sh them from 


ourselves. 

FAME WITHOUT HA 
joke at best 

їй. Uxıarry are always wrong 


Ness is but a sorry 


ON LIVING WITH HONOR 
пу 1S DESIRABLE to have a good repu 


tation. The good opinion of our associ- 
tes amd acquaintinces is not to be 
despised. But every man should. sec to 
it that the reputation is deserved, other- 
wise his lile 


s false, and sooner or later 


he will stand discovered before the 
world. 
THERE Js OFTIN а great distinction 


between character and reputation. Repu 

ation is what the world believes us for 
the time: 
Reputation and character may be in 
harmony, but they frequently are as 
opposite as light and darkness. Many a 
sound ай a reputation for no. 
bility. aud men of the noblest characters 
have had reputations that relezated them 
to the ranks of the depraved. 

A MAN'S REAL CHARACTER will always 
be more visible in his home than any 
And his practical wisdom 
will be better exhibited by the mam 
in which he rules there than cven in the 
larger allairs of business or public life. 
His whole mind may be in his business: 
but if he would be happy. his whole 


character is what we truly 


T 


has 


heart must be in his home. It is there 
that his genuine qualities display them. 
selves. It is there that he shows his 


truthful 


ess, his love, his sympathy, his 
consideration [or others. his uprighin 
his manliness — in a word, his character. 
THE BEST EQUIPMENT à. young man can 
have for the battle of lile is a conscience, 
common sense and good health. 


SS. 


THERE gs NO FRIEND so good as a 


conscii 


се. There is no enemy so dii 
serous as a bad conscience. It makes us 
either kings or slaves. 

CONSCIENCE is а 


dock which in onc 
man stri ПП 
another the hand points silently to the 
irc, bur doesn't. strike. 


es aloud and gives warnir 


WHAT WE CALL COMMON SENSE is, for 
the most part, the result of common єх 
perience wisely improved. Nor is great 
ability necessary to acquire it so much 
as patience ad watchfulness. 


accur 


1 is quite as much de- 
pendent on mental as on physical habits 
Worry, sensitiveness and temper. have 
hastened many an otherwise splendid 
man to his grav 

ат 15 AS UNHEALTHY 
10 live in the company 
of опе unhealthy, 
thoughts, as to live in 


GOOD HEAL 


nd demoraliz 
nd atmosphere 
morbid, selfish 
the presence of 


depraved people. 
nw 


UNTIKING SEAR 


is sellishness in 


for perso 
action. Sell. 
egotism, pride, selb-rizht- 
selfjustificaion and mock 
but branches of the tree 
whose roots run in 
тестозм 

n the clay soi 
personal self. Jealousy is the most in 
phase of human selfishness. It is horn 
selfish fear of loss or of being pei 
sonally displaced by 
somebody. 

ANGER is а short madness 


cousness, 
modesty 
of selfishness, 


somethi: 


g or 


There is in 
and sorrow, 
ss and incor 
xd а desire 


ict it. 
imion destroys the pleasures of the 
present in ardent aspirations after an 


imaginative future. 


CONTEMPT is an innocent revenge. Vio- 
lence is the fullest expression of it 


ANNIETY is the poison of human li 
the parent of many miseries. 

AVARICE isolates men from the universe 
and shuts the soul up in its own d 
self. 

A STRONG TEMPER is not necessarily а 
bad temper. But the stronger the temper, 
the greater is the need of self-discipline 
and self-control. 

WE ARE 


It 


ves we live in 
proportion to the unselfishness of our 
ıd we become poor in the ratio 
pits of self-centered 
1 gain. 


шен as we 


love, 
that we indulge hi 
interest and. person 

A RIGHT ACT strikes a chord that ex- 
ids through the whole universe. 


ONE WHO LOVES R ot be 


d 


erent to wrong, or wrongdoi 
he feels warmly, he will speak w 
out of the fullness of his heart. We have 
to be on our guard against impatient 
scorn, The best people are apt to have 
their 


tient side, and often the vei 


st 
ast lesson of cultur 


in difhcultics w 


ich arc 
ourselves. 
THE ONLY ULTIMATE OBLIGATION upon 
у mam is that of honest and earnest 
secking for the truth. 


ON PREJUDICE 
PREJUDICE is а i 
mental slaychold 


pronounces sentences without evidence, 
judge or jury. We ought to run aw 
from it, for it is a false witness, stup 
ad shortsighted. It se 
friends, impedes human progress be. 
friends bad institutions, obstructs good 
causes, perpetuates the enslavement of 
body and mind, and wars against the 
best interests of mankind, 


ON DEATH 

THE suApOw leaves no track behind 
it And of the greatest persons of the 
world, when they 
there rema 
never lived. 

WHat is IT To ри? [s it to drop the 
body of this death, and to put on an 
immortality? To pass from darkness to 
everlasting sunlight? To cease dica 
and be; ing existence? Is it to 
ко hom 

IT WAS А SAYING OF MILTON that, 

Who best can suffer, best can do. 
The work of many of the greatest men, 
as been done amidst 
and difficulty. They 
struggled dust the tide and 
reached the shore exhausted. only to 
grasp the sand and expire. They have 
done their duty and been content to 
die. But death has no power over such 
me still 


dishonest 


re once dead, then 


ns no more than if they had 


to God? 


have 


their 
survive to soothe us, 


ON FAITH AND THE FUTURE 


is only another name [or 


course 
faith 

WE WALK ву Fann oftener than by 
sight. The major part of daily living is 
made up of things in action, subdividing 
self into what is termed confidence, 
conviction, trust, optimism, hope and 
The first movement in mental 
invariably one of faith, 
THE VITALUIY. OF FAITH is unique, 
beyond hum n 


and 


its pow 


AS A WEAK LEG d 
exercise, so will your faith be strength- 
ened by the very effort you make іп 
stretching it out toward things unse 

WE ARE JUST IN THE DAWN of new 
ngs, We can only imagine the reve 
ions that succeeding generations and 
© to enjoy. As the knowledge of 
our time surpasses that of all preceding 
times, so will the knowledge of the Iu 


ture ages surpass that of our own. 


ows 


i. 


ages 


WE ARE LIVING in the morni 


ng of an 
epoch, and in the fog of the early dawn 
men walk confused and sce strange 
sights: but the fog will melt under the 
rays of the very sun which has created 
it, and the world of truth will be seen 
to be solid and lovely 


ALL THE GLORY OF к, all the ro 
mance of living, all the deep and true 
joys of the world, all the splendor and 


the mystery are within our reach. 


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228 ing so rel 


AN ACTOR'S LIFE (continued pom paze 56) 


edness had always seemed to him the 
feminine counterpart of his own di 
ence, but now it pained him to think 
that when she laughed she was not actu 
ally happy. Of course, they did not turn 
completely from one another: in the mid- 
dle of the night. they would sometimes 
reach across the dark bed, and in a dreamy 
half-slecp. arouse each other's passions. 
But often it was not until he was on the 
subway the follow ng that Wa 
ter remembered that during the previous 
eight hours he 
id even then he was not alw 
One evening 
her fork. 
I don't know what the matte 
d, and put her head in her hands. 

Walter thousht to move around to hei 
chair and comfort her. But was she any 
more deprived than he was? "I don't 
either,” he said. 

She slammed the table. 
Why do vou find me so dist 
Why do you find me!" he shot back, 

She began to cry. “Walter, 1 didn't 
mean that. 1 do know better than that. 
It's both of us. somehow. Yet we never 
really fight. You're so thoughtful and 
solid. you're so good to me — and I'm so 
dependent on you. whether vou know it 
or not. I think it has to do with our fitti: 
together foo well.” 

But that sounded ridiculous to both of 
them. Juliet blew her nose, Walter helped 
clear the table, and then each went oll as 
though nothing had happened. Ai his 
ter thought to himself, “We 
should have had a baby a long time ago- 
The actress business was silly from the 
2.7 But then how could he have 
at the start? 

In five h was back in the 
living тоо: Walter" she 1. "do you 
think we should be divorced?" 

“Do you?" he demanded. 

“Well = no,” she said, and hopelessly 
dropped into а chair. 

He dropped into one opposite. “Nei- 
do L" he said. 

The asked Juliet. to: 
is. “what should we do? 
Walter decided for them: they would 
ate for a lite while. Maybe that 
would do something. Walter telephoned 
Landau and asked if he could 
weeks: without even 


nd Juliet had made love, 
avs sure. 
t dropped 


“What is it! 
jasteful!” 


ing up her 


arms, 


Harvey what the trouble was. 
Walter discovered that Harvey under- 
stood. Harvey tever you 
have to, boy. Just don’t run off half- 


cocke 
Julie's going to be 
Пет, worried for her. 

“We'll have her over for dinner. We'll 
take care of her.” Softly Harvey added, 
“It happens to everybody 

“Thanks, Harvey.” He hung up feel- 
ieved that he did not even know 


said 


alone," 


W: 


why he was goi the first place 


That nig ed, his wile said, 
“Walter?” 

“Yes?” 

7l don't care who you sleep with. Just 
don't tell me about it when we meet 


agai 

She was being so brave, so game. How 
she needed him! Why was he even leav- 
ing he 
boy expects, or wa 
answered w 
mon sense. "The same for you.” 

There was a. pause. “OK.” she whis- 

ретей, and they lay there back to back 
in an astonished silence. 
Where should he yo? South? Though 
had been a wet and dreary winte 
m right for him to be lolliu 
beach, spending their savings. while 
t stayed behind in New York. Thi 
wt supposed to be a pleasure trip, 
anyway 

He took a tr: 


north, and. got off 


an inexpensive room: he had the ide 
that he would read, and walk. and 
mostly. think things through. But by the 
end ol the first day he found he hadn't. 
made much headw 
What was he supposed to t 
"There was a broken-down ski lodge only 
a few miles away, and so after dinner, 
ed up the hill and sat at the bar, 
and watched the few guests sit around 
trying to think of folk songs to si 
Within the hour he met a young woman 
who was on vacation from her job 
secretary in Oneonta. They spent some 
time talking about where Oneonta 
id drawing maps on napkins. He knew 
he could go to her room with her 
they began . What he discov- 
ered was th med to. His heart 


he 


$ soon 


had he committed adultery, yet he w 
ithouc much of 


he had a room with a fireplace. Be- 
[ore he got into bed. she asked him to 
build a fire so that they would have it 
to look into afterward. The draft was 
. and Walter had to get up every 
few minutes to smash at the logs with 
the poker, whose 
oll. But the young woman seemed ui 
re g 


she 
cation in the winter. 

Walter slept in her bed every 
week. Where Juliet was long 
from Oneonta was 
where Julict was brunette, she 
ght. Did these few inconsequen 
¢ dillerenc 
le him ravenous with her? No, 
just somebody different, a per- 
fect stranger, though he attended to her 


thigh, the secret 
short: 


she 


breasts as though she were a dear friend. 
And the truth was he couldn't stand her. 
Friday he was ready to take the 
train down. It was not for this that he 
had come away. But the separation had 
been so short: he decided to stay on an- 
other night. 

He awoke Saturd; 
gust. After lunch. he went on 
with the secretary. The sun was shin 
on the snow, and they held ha 
surd. He caught the u 
just after di 
make it th 
young wom: 
Kay, or Kaye. 


о 


Ab- 
ain to New York 
cr: he had to rush so to 


145. 


he hadn't time to call the 
whose name was Sheila 
and tell her that he would 
her that evening, as they 


1 planned. 

When he met Juliet at Grand Central. 
where she was w: 
tion booth, he felt himself g 
tunately she did not see because she did 
not look directly at him. The 
cross to the Commodore to have a dr 


He handed Juliet a pack- 


age and waited for her to open it. Inside 


was a lovely white ski sweater: he had 
write o note, for he did not know 
what she would want him to say. He did 


not know what had happened to 1 

“I have a surprise for you, too. 
said. 

“Му God." he thought, “she has found 
somebody! 

Bur all Juliet had to tell him was that 
in his absence she had gone olf and got 
ten a job as Leo Kittering’s girl Friday 

а young man of independ- 
ns who was forever trying to 
start a repertory company in New York: 
V emembered having met him once 
ata party. For his own reasons, he was 
so relieved to hear the news that for the 
first 


she 


ne he took her hands in h 
beamed: she was hardly b 
fortune, she said. but that w 
point. She told Walter she was 
person: she hoped she was throu 
self-pity 
That night they eventually grew tired 
of talking and had to go off to bed. 
“Tm so tense.” whispered Juliet. when 
he moved in beside her. “It’s ridiculous, 
but I am. 
“It's not iculous,’ 
“Tomorrow .. ." said Julie 
"OK." he said. for he was not without 
tension himself, despite his success with 
the secretary 


Walter, 


from Onconta, whom he 
tried with all his heart now not to think 
of. 

When he ope 
morrow. Walter 


d his eyes, it was to- 
new what must be 
ly as close as peo- 
ad and a wife! So, 
midst the white sheets, with the yellow 
s blowing bage truck 
ty down on the street, Walter 
пу into |шісге eyes, 
and they performed the 


ple could be — а husba 


act of love. The noise of the truck grew 
so loud that at one point Walter wanted 
to get up and pull down ihe window. 
But he si s and did what 
1 
more than having intercourse once 
with his mate. They were telling. 
other that they wanted each other. When 
it was over and both lay the 
strong light, Walter was willing to believe 
that their crisis was behind them, and 
that they were about to enter à new stage 
of marriage. 

And so they did. That i 
forever what it 1 been four years back 
on Hudson Street, and in Juliet’s room 
before that, Walter had realized the night 
before the separation; now he accepted it. 
Nevertheless, he could not put his finger 
on why and how it had happened to 
them. Were they resentful of one ar 
other? disippointed in one another? too 
dose to one another, whatever that 
meant? Or vas it only time, the dimin- 
ishing of passion that must onc 
10 every last husband 

Whatever, Walter 
tations of r days. He was not 17 
years old. or even 21. He was almost 30. 
Not having to be divorced, he came to 
tell himself, was going to have to cost a 
little something. He hoped that was as 
clear to Juliet as it was to him: she too, 
he hoped, had lowered expectations tha 
were perhaps unreal to begin with. Or 
were they? There was really по way to 


tell. 


ed where he w: 


d to be done — which turned out to be 


could not be 


y come 
A every last wife? 
low 


In June, Harvey Landau flew to Lon- 
don апа took Walter with him. Harvey 
was going to look over some plays th 
were opening in the West End. Walter 
led — surely he was on the rise — 
and so too was Juliet thrilled for him 
yet when 1 
come along, 


ike losing an 
rushed hom 


rm, а statement that Juliet 
id repeated to Walter with 


portance, Walter understood, 
was not happy. Alor 
be busi 
he did not know that he hs 
take her from what she clearly did not 
want to give up. The pleasures of the 
new job were filling a gap in her 
he was perhaps not responsible for 
with which he seemed to have something 
to do. Because, in this vague ill- 
defined wav, he suspected himself, he had 
not yet suggested that they fill the gap 
(if such there really was) with a bı 
though of course the idea had occurred 
to him more than once. 

Hew 


agreed, but 
in London 


1 a right 10 


s on his own, then, when hc met 
Tarsila Brown. She 
dinian and Ame 


e, the wife 
of the playwright Foxie Brown, one of 


the noisier of the young Englishmen 


who had come to be called “angry.” Foxie 
had recently been in two fisthghts that 
had made the papers: the first was with 
an М.Р. who happened to be passing 
Hyde Park Corner one morning, where 
Е nner dress from the eve- 
ning before —had gathered about him- 
self an audience and was imitating the 
Prime Minister. When the M.P., a man of 
temper, came charging at Foxie with his 
umbrella raised, Foxie knocked him cold 
The second incident involved 
also knocked unconscious by Foxie — who 
had boxed first for his college at Oxford — 
outside their H 
noon. In the courtroom. Foxie had a gay 
time of it with the judge, to whom he 
insisted (or so the papers said) that his 
dispute with his wife had also been over 
“political matters” — “whether the wom- 
an ought to nationalize herself or be 
content to stay at home by the fire with 
me." When Walter met Tarsil: 
Brown had just flown off to Ате 

Ata party thrown for Harvey 
by an English producer, Walter sipped 
a glass of whiskey and watched Tarsila 
do the twist. She had been pointed out 
to him аз Foxie's newest estranged wife. 
When they were introduced she tried to 
stare him down, When it had obviously 
for some time been his turn to speak, all 
he could think to say was, "Your eyes 
really black. 

She said, "Don't put me on, all right? 

“All right.” he said. though actually һе 
nired her eyes, and her dancing had 
excited him. 
But was it her eyes, һе wondered, 
his hotel room; was it her danci 
was it that she was so much more volup- 
tuous a woman than Juliet: or was it that 
she was Foxie Brown's wife? 

Late the following afternoon, while 


ampstead home one after 


ad 


аск. 


deciding what to do with his evening, 
Walter took a stroll through Scho. Even 
though he kept his eyes open, and re- 
ferred from time to t guide- 
book. he knew he was not seeing as much 
he would if Juliet were with him. Не 
missed her. He read the little cards posted 
to the bulletin boards outside the shops. 
They gave the names and addresses 
of women advertising themselves as "The 
Piquant Miss Terry, “Jessica, a 
strict disciplinarian,” and "Mademoiselle 
Madeline, authentic French lessons." He 
passed a simple wooden building with a 
undry on the first floor; the iman 
side smiled out at him, and pointed 
upstairs, Walter shook his head, and went 
to meet Harvey at the hotel 
But after an hour of business, Walter 
excused himself for a moment. He did 
not telephone Tarsila because she was 
married to Foxie Brown; for all of 
Brown's success as a playwright, Walter 
would not have traded. places with him 
for the world — the fellow behaved like 
r was calling Tarsila because 

ne 

he diated 


looking woman, But even 
her numb 


that seemed to him no less 
e than the first. 


“Next time, 
the last m 
He said, 
Business . . 
“I just don't want you to think I like 
men who are offhand. Asa matter of fact, 
I hate them.” 

Oh yes, thought Walter, and what is 
Foxie Brown? But he did not sce the 
wisdom in saying anything of a skeptical 
nature and so, for whatever the r 
he and Tarsila came together. 

He had never before been with an 


she said, "don't call at 


I didn't know I'd be free. 


sons, 


like her. Such women he had only fanta- 229 


PLAYBOY 


230 


sied behind locked doors in the del 
of puberty. For the first time in his 
а woman dug her nails into his back. She 
moaned: she trembled: she cried out. 
"Oh don't, don't!” and this after the 
were already under way. "Walter," she 
whispered. "youre like | am. You're 
crazy for it, too." When he touched he 
ir. It's 


ium 


she said, “It's dark. coarse h: 
Sardinian hair. 

Consequently, he saw her the next 
ight, too, And the night aftei ud the 
How could he not? Coming 
out of restaurants they embraced the 
Street What was the difference? Who did 
he know here? It did not seem as though 
it was he who was here anyway. He had 
п America; he was in London on 
business; Ле Knew about kidding your- 
self... 

Tn the taxi rides to he 
sometimes jump the gun. 


Пас she would 


“The driver." moaned Walter, whei 
upon Tarsila, mysteriously, excitingly, 
moaned back, "You." And Walter had to 


admit that it did not make а damn bit 
of dillerence about the taxi driver: he 
was only the back of a head, or eyes in 
the rearview m Te was just that 
when Walter and Juliet took a taxi. it 
was to get somewhere: that was what he 
had 

Then one n 


wn used to. 
ht when she put her 
said, "I'm just 


arms around him. Walte 


begin 
Shih." 
No nails. 

She dropped away from h 
rolled onto her side. 

“What's the matter?” he asked. 

“Tes not passion with you,” she 
“Your mind working. 

“Is not working. 

“It is. You're not thin 
were doing. You're thinking about £ 
ing home to your wife.” 

Look." he said, a 
on the table. "I am going b: 
days." 


to In 


Tarsila — 


n, and 


a Laying his cards 


k. In two 


Го his surprise — or was it chagrin? — 
she did not jump up ана say, “Then th 
hell with yout” She didn't dress in a hull 


id go storming off, leaving him as he 
had been before they had met, Rather. 
she pulled his mouth to hers. and said, 
You have such sweet breath." 

"You heard me? 
You're зо dillerent, Walter. So solid. 
So steady. Why go home 

Afterward, Tarsila said, "Do you know 
my old m 
“Pardon?” 
“Do you know 
"Never met him," said Walter, lighting 
a cig 

“You know what he would say after a 

be d That it took the next 
‘s writing out of him. But you — you're 
so solic-looking, Walter. You're so there." 

She said only these words, and in per- 
fect seriousness. but Walter was overcome 
with humiliation and shame, What was 
Tarsila’s life, or Foxie Brown's for that 
matter, but so much theatres? An act. 
He had really understood what she was 
the very first night, when he had had a 
sensation, momentary (but to the point, 

Tarsila 
s Hoating in an inflated bag. a swollen 
avisible membrane, inside of which she 
carried on her contortions all alone. She 
told him he was so solid, so there, so this. 
so that, but h 
lieve that it was he who prompted her 
sion, and not Tarsila, the fant 
the pretender, the actress, who rca 
prompted her own. “Oh, you are a king. 
Walter!” she cried. when they c. 
gether again that night, but he did not 
believe that she meant it. 

The next night he saw hi Why 
not, if he had seen her every night pre- 

Buc what of the night after? He 
would be hom 

Even while he walked down Regent 
Street, shopping for a present for his 
wile, he asked himself the question 71 

had asked, and which he believed he 
ad found entirely sullicient re 
dismiss. Why go home 

At four or five the following morning, 
he was awakened from sleep with a sear- 

n down his right side. 
S it that he believed he w 


e this: 


he now saw), that beneath. him 
E 


w innocent of him to be- 


ДЫН 


м 


“Now dont spoil this by telling me he's queer.” 


some kind of stroke. At thirty! Oh no! Is 
everyth What has there been! 
In the midst of his tern 
he had returned to his 
hotel instead of staving until morning at 
Tarsila’s. He was thankful for what Juliet 
would be spared. 

He flailed out for the phone, Wit 
minutes he was in an ambulance bound 
for the hospital. where his appendix 
nearly burst con's hand. He 
could not help but believe that the attack 
had something to do with his activities 
of the past six days. Otherwise there was 
зо explanation, though of course he did 
not doubt the physician when he assured 
him there did not have to | 

Tarsila came to see him only а few 
minutes after he had spoken long-dis 
ıce to Juliet. When she slipped oll the 
ket to her yellow dress, he siw on her 
т a mark that he must have made 
with his mouth. 

She put her hı 
hospital pajam 


over? 


however, he 


1 to the top of his 
Жең hair drives me 


wild.” she L Did it really? How 
could it? 
As Tarsila went out. Harvey Li 


came in. They nodded. natural 
Though Harvey had seemingly paid no 


t Walter did with his 


ention to wh 
frec homs, Walt 
on the edge of savi 


had several times been 
10 him. “Look. vou 
won't let on to Juliet?” However, he was 
srown man and had a right 10 do wl 
he wanted: consequently. he said noth- 
ing in delense of himself, He even began 
to think of the silent Harvey as Stully 
Harvey and Bourgeois. Harvey: secretly 
Harvey wouldn't mind. doing the very 
same thing — Walter was sure — but the 
man was 20 years too old and 10 pounds 
too fat and he hadn't the guts... 

But the older man had only to open 
his mouth for Walter to sce that his bos 
heart but Wal 
“Do you mind if 1 give vou 


had nobody's interests 
ters own. 


some advice, big shot?” Harvey said at 
last. 

Walter shook his head. "You don" 
have t0. 

"Oh, don't PU 

"No. She's a fake. Harv.” 


е nota schoolkid." said Har- 
vey, xt day, with the doctor's 
permission, Walter left the hospital in a 
м nd flew home, His wile was 
at rhe airport to meet hi I together 
they resumed their life. 


‘chair 


Neither the evening 
seen the man 
the morning did he sp 
Juliet. Nor did she say anyth 
In a way, that was why he said nothi 
лое: 

But the question. rema 
aled himself 
might only have been walking back and 
forth before his window But Walter 
would not talk himself out of what was 


: had the 


man rev ally? Hc 


apparent simply because it was not pleas- 
ant. He must only be careful not to as- 
sume what was not obvious: that Juliet 
had willingly been a win But the 
curtains had been swaying. And he sim- 
ply knew it to be so. OF a 
never suspected her; yet of this. . 

During the nights that followed 
lights were on across the way and ihe 
draperies pulled back, but when Walter 
stole through his own dark living room 
and peered between the drawn cur 
he saw nothing of the naked man. Ju 
emerged. from her study at nine on the 
second night; on the third, after а non- 
chalant trip to thc kitchen, she returned. 
to spend practically the entire evening 
behind the closed door. But before ше 
disappeared the study, did 
something unusual: she looked to him as 
though she we to explain her- 
self — rather, as though sl 
to offer up some lie. And when had he 
ever demanded an explanation? 

"Yes?" he said from the sola 

sat pretending to leaf throu 
ine. 
She shook her head — flushing, he saw 
nd went into the study. For a moment 
So astonished was he that he tried to tell 
himself he was only imagining things. 
He went quickly into the kitchen, from 
which Juliet had just emerged, and 
no evidence that she had even had a glass 
of water. 


the 


into she 


turday evening, they went to 
rty, and оп Sunday out to 
friends in the country. There were two 
trains back to the city: one would get 
them іп at seven, the other at midnight. 


It had been a dull day, full of peppy 
children and loving dogs. but when their 


hosts asked them to stay on for dinner 
d take the late train back. Walter 
immediately said ves. Julict, however, 
grasped her forchead and said she wasn't 
feeling well, and the result was they took 
the early train. 

“ро you really feel ill?” asked W 
as soon as they boarded. 

“Quiet. They're looki 
window. Wave.” 


Iter, 


through the 


an to move. 


“Juliet, do 


"Walter, I was so bo 
“Well, of all the d 
"Weren't you? 
“I said 1 wanted to stay for dinner. 

Didn't you hear me?” 


"she asked. 
ig you more th 
Wt bored, Julie 


"Well-how am 1 supposed to know! 
she replied, and though to a stranger it 
might have looked mundane enough, 
other marital spat, Walter knew, w 
sinking of the stomach, tha 
They did not speak the rest of the way 


back to the city. 

At home, Juliet went into the bath- 
room, slamming the door behind her 
and Walter rushed to the curtai 
pushed them back an inch — and across 
the way, no lights 

When Juliet came out of the bath- 
room, she said, “If you don't mind, Um 
going to my study. 

Walter was stretched out on the sol 
ine.” 

1 happen to be wr 
said Juliet. belligerently. 

Fine.” But his smugness faded. the 
instant she disappeared. 

At the close of dinner the following 
actually felt а bur 
sensation in his chest when he saw his 
take her collec in two gulps. She 
mumbled something about what she was 
writing, and went oll to her study. "OK: 
he said to himself. "So she is writing 
aint.” Where he was able to gi 
some plan proven impossible 
clean and sharp break, Jul 
istic and unrealizible aspirations had хо 
move through a series of filters. until 
at last they disappeared. "OK, that is 
the 1. 1 should have known t 
when 1 married her.” It was incredible 
even to him how strenuously he was 
trying to believe her. 

He sat down at his desk io look 
through Then he got up. si- 
lently opened his door, and moved back 
down the hallway. Tonight the lights 
were back on, but there seemed to bc 
nobody at home. Down below in the 
courtyard, he saw the reflection 
Juliet's study window. 

The Wednesday 


ve up on 


with а 


woma 


Irom 


ht previously he 


had not been hallucinating: the man had 
be there, he was sure. But was he 
lucinating the rest? Had all this to do 


h learning was in town? 
nce Wednesday he had not thought 
pout her at all What with his new 
problem at home, the problem ot 
whether he would call her had disap- 
peared, Or had he invented the one so 
as to be relieved of the other? 

Reason upon reason he continued. 10 
offer himself so as not to believe what he 
ad known in an instant on that first 
s arrival was nothing morc 
than coincidental: he could not use her 
n away his suspicions of Juliet 
In the seven months since his return 
from London, he had hardly even 
thought of her; and when he had, it was 
along with half the other people in New 
York: the occasion of her divorce from 
Brown had been treated in the tabloids 
with gusto. At the very end, there had 
been a slugfest at a house party in Lime- 
house, during which someone had pushed 
Foxie through an open window that let 
out onto the Thames. Tarsila had lost 
only а tooth, but the newspaper photo- 
graph of the poor woman, her hand over 
her mouth, had only further convinced 


w 


Walter of his luck in having been 
stricken with appendicitis that last night 
in London, Had he been healthy and 
able, what foolish, impulsive decision 
might he have been tempted to make 
He was tot: 
having left Tarsila. Yet when the pathetic 
picture of her had appeared in one of 
the daily papers, with the caption “Ti- 
gress Loses Fang to Britain's Ani 
Man,” Walters first thought had been: 
With that tigress 1 spent a week. For 
If a block, on the way to lunch, 
he had had an overpowering urge to 
mention his exploit to his companion, 


ly without regret then 


someone he hardly knew. But at the 
corner he shot the paper into а waste- 
basket and, himself again, walked on 


(Не was standing at the curtains 
looking for a man who was not there. 
Why? 

But then he saw what he was look 
lor. Or part of it, He n unshod 
foot. For nights Walter must have looked 

tthe pale spot on the rug without re- 
alizing it was human flesh. But he needed 
only this, the ocular proof, for the last 
masne of doubt — of hope — to fade 
away, The man was there, sitting in a 
chair, in a corner of his living room, out 

I Walter's range, but directly in Juliet 
That ist night he had been pacing up. 
and down so as to get her attention, or 
recapture it, or God knows what, He sat 
now exposed to Juliet’s eyes. 

And in her study, what was Juliet do- 
g? Pretendin 
sidewise glance 
she 


saw 


unclothed too? To this had all her 
dreaming led her! To this! Looking from 
between the drapes at that bare foot, he 
cused all those damn girls’ schools his 
wile had been to, all the impossible as- 
pi they had spawned Buc 
then. as was proper, he blamed himself. 
He should have forced her to have а 
child years ayo. 

His decision to call Tarsila he 
so simply that he knew it must be con 
nected with what was happening in his 
home cach night. To revenge himself 
on Juliet? Why revenge, when what he 
felt for her, as the next night passed. 
and the next, was not anger or jealousy 
but only a terrible pity. He felt pity, he 
did nothing. He could not at first f 
out how to reveal what he knew, with 
out precipitating a fullscale crisis. Might 
she not, alter all, be on the edge of 
breakdown? On the other hand, the 
whole affair might come to an end in 
another night or two. “Perhaps it is only 
some passing disturbance, some weird 
quirk,” he told himself, “At any rate, 
don't lose your h 


atio a her. 


made 


¢ it into 
his head to do nexiz In the carly hours 
ol the morning of the consequences 
would so shake Walter, 
ready Juliet then 


10 awake nd. there 


231 


PLAYBOY 


and get the thing out in the open. But 
when he looked at his sleeping wife, he 
was not able to disturb her, for he sud- 
denly found himself thinking, “She 
could be married to for all that 
1 have made her happy. 

As though that were reason to let 
such insanity continue! As though it 
were even uue! He must do something 
Yet he did nothing, except to telephone 
Tarsila. 

The instant Tarsila asked “Who 
i?" he remembered that first conver 
tion they had ever had, when she bad 
cautioned him not to be offhand. But 
she was the offhand person, the one who 
did not know about deep attachments, 
about loyalty and sacrifice and dedica- 
tion. Foxie was her second husband: he 
had been, he was sure, her umpteenth 
lover. He should hang up. She was an 
inferior person. an unreal person — a 


nyone, 


“L want to see you.” 
as he could. 
“Оһ? 


he said, ав calmly 


‚ you didn't 
make d 

“No, I suppose I didn't. 1 would like 
to see you, however.” 

“As 1 remember. you didn't make any- 
thing clear. You just left is the way I 
remember it.” 

“Well, that's tru 

She didn’t answer. 

"E was in the hospita 
T was due back in New 

“Well, I'm 


Goodbye, squirt’ 
did 


ot im 


Walter iately 
that there no longer anyone at the 
other end of the line. He hung up and 
went back to his office. 

At 8:50 that evenit 
to her study. Walter did not know what 
«зе to do but go off to his own. But for 
what? Once again, he came back into the 
living room, peered momentarily be- 
tween the curtains, saw the foot, and 
then sat down in the dark. 

Squirt. Or square? He could not re- 
member now which she had said. The 
two words began to rise and drop inside 
him, onc, th the other, as though they 
had in fact been addressed to him from 
one who really mattered. 
words that mat- 
ping on? Juliet was his 
fe— he was her husband! nough!" 
he thought, “/ want Julict back again,” 
following which he thought, “Now there 
is no chance of having Tarsila on the 
side,” and he was appalled at the kind of 
people he and his wile seemed to have 
become, almost overnight. No — only 
himself overnight. Juliet had really nev- 
er accepted what she was, what marriage 
what a hus! t he 
had to admit that his wife w problem 


Juliet went off 


232 larger than he could handle. It was hard 


to believe that all this had come to be. 


‘The next ev ng he waited until din- 
ner was over before he told her what, at 
last, he had decided. 

^T want to ask you 
ting slowly. 
"Yes?" 

"То say somethi 


4, 


question," he 


“This may seem out of the blue to vou. 
However, it's something I've been think- 
bout for some timc," 


t us to go to talk to а psychia- 
pout some things." 

Juliet sat down. "What's the 
she asked. 

He did not know whether to look di- 
rectly at hei, to catch her betraying her- 
self, or look at the floor, so that she could 
save face until she was safely inside the 
doctors office. “I thought you mi 
think there were some things the ma 

With you?" she asked. 

Patience. She is caught, and she knows 
it. Poor Juliet, you are quite an actress 
after all. “With our marriage.” said Wal- 
ter kindly. 

— | don't think anything's the mat- 
ter" But she had hesitated. 

“Perhaps if we talked it out,” 


matter? 


he said. 


"Well, 
those aa 
themselves. 
power. 

“I never said all." 

“Well, I don't understand what you're 
geuing at. Well, don't look at me like 
that. 1 don't" 

"Don't voi 

She threw down her napkin. "No! 

“L don't see why you won't come with 
me, Juliet.” 


That 


Because E don't know what you're get- 
! You're trying to 


with me. 
"I'm not talking about. You. 
You're talking about me, V 
I know it.” were tears in her 


He dropped his 
Why?" 

No answer 
she w 


. "OK, Juliet. 


When he looked back up. 
g at him, “You can't stand. 
x to write a pli 
why! You can't stand that I work for Leo 
nk that's a waste of tim 

^1 didn't say anything about e 
thought you were writing a stor 

“I told you a play. 

You didn't, Juliet.” 

“1 didi" 

He shook his head. But had she? A 
play? 

"You can't stand it,” 
bling. "You want mc to see a psych 
about it." 


wa 


too!” 
her. I 


— you ili 


she was grum- 
iatrist 


He felt for à moment as though he had. 
stepped oll into nothing. Why was she 
ing a play? But she was 

"You've never really had any respect 
for anything I've tried to do." said Julict. 
“That's not true. And it's not what I'm 
ulking about.” 

"You always think I'm kidding myself.” 
Wearily, he shook his head. 

“Anybody else would have con 
acting, do you know that, Walter? How 
an vou tell anything about yourself at 
twenty-five, if you don't give yourself а 
1 only quit— you. know 

| knew vou thought I 
a fool of myself 

"That's not so. You don't remember 
what happened." 

remember what happened to me! I 
remember what / thought about, How do 
you know what / think! 

“Look” — again, he had to sl 


chance? But 


e off 


her words — "maybe if vou talk to some- 
onc about this —^" 
“Oh damn it! You never let me be 


what I am! You think I'm silly! You think 
I waste time!" And ther she 
id, "And what if 1 do! Suppose I fritter 
way my whole life! What's the difference 
anyway? 118 my life. If 1 don't do wh 


you think, you thi Iding myself. 
Well, I'm nott" she shouted at him. "Or 


I am — I don't care!" and she raced from 
the dining room to the study, where she 
slammed the door and locked it. 

He had accomplished. nothing. "They 
were due at the psychiatrist's office the 
next afternoon: he had not told Juliet 
that he had already made an appoint- 
ment for her, or. as he would have put 
t, for them. Now must he drag her? Was 
it time to pound on the study door and 
demand to be Jet in? Why hadn't he 
made her confess that very first. night? 
She had been making a fool of herself, 
humiliating herself — taking her 
hands all that was her 1 nd he had 
been lewing her. 

He had let her 
in spite, in 
takin 
dow. And he was lettin 

He stood up and charged into the 
darkened living room, toward the study, 
t the rear window, peck 
the 
suddenly + 


nto 


' 
el — 


She was right now — 
anger. in bewilderment — 
off her clothes, movi 


but wound up 
ing 
fury ү 


between curtains: and all his 


ned suspicion. of 
f. Thes: past nights, had he not 
E himself some secret ple: 
by pecking, imag 

Then he 
across 


ning... 


ay. The m 
his s had moved s 
the room, in view not 
window, but of the living-room window 
as well. He was settled back in a cl 

is legs crossed at the ankles, and his 
ad tipped back, showing the length of 
his pale throat. He was pretending to 
be watel FV. In the nude. Very 
slowly and deliberately, in а way that 


The fe 


LOOK, LETS GET 1 DONT WANT 
BACK Т) THE TO SAND IN 
POINT- 40) 7 THE WAU. 
Keep жаюшб ПА 
THE RTI V woe 
HANGER 
ON. 
1 DONT KNOW How I KNOW 
WE GOT INTO THG- LIKE d 
ALL 1 SUGGESTED 1 ВЕТ YOU 
16 THAT WSTEAD HAE А SOMAH 
OF THIS < 
SATURDAY 
I SEE 40U 
NEXT SATUR- 
ІМ NoT- YOUR NOSE 16 
IM Not BEGINNING TO 
ІМ NOT- TURN RED. IT 
ІМ NOT ALWAUS DOES 
e И 
La YOU'RE 
HOSTILE. 
Ñ LIEN 


№ 2 SAID 400 
WERE А HANGER 
£N! LETS x d 
BACK O THE 

PONT-3 ONLY 
SAD THAT — 
SOMETIMES 

I ENO 
A UTILE 
PRIVACY! 


4OUR EE ALWAYS 
ЮР WHEN 40U 


ІМ NOT- DONT Ted 10 HIDE 
ІН МТ If. 407 KNOW 
OVER- YOURE IN THE 
EMOTIONAL. WRONG. ITS A 
I WAS ý DEAD GNE- 
MERELY AWA4 WHEN 
оК = ЦА) BEGIN 
` 10 SWIER- 
C, 
THIS WELL, IF 400 
SATURDAY REALLY WANT 
Then- 10, BERNARD. 


233 


PLAYBOY 


234 


looked to Walter to be wholly salacious 
he was smokin: arete. 

“Oh G said Walter 
he h 
to ery 
the 
strings of the curt 
dark. 


sod. and he foui 


I rears in his eyes. Was he about 
for 


Juliet For the man across 
He pulled upon the draw- 
and stood in the 
d 


wit 


window, 


behind the bi 


looked down upon the strange m: 
Waher could not turn away from what 
he saw. "Oh," thought Walter, 71 am, 
and aloud and in exhaustion, like on 


"bam so ordinary. 


capitulating. he said 


He 


pulled off 
ıd threw it 


sweater he was 
we foor. And 
what did that signify? He began to pull 
at his clothes. He seemed to himself to 
be angry. What was he doing? For the 
moment he did not care to know. His 
clothing, shortly, was at feet 
he moved back into the room 
but only turned on the 
lamps. Then, drawn by the sight of it, he 
returned to where the heap of clothing 
lay before the window, he 
paced off the width of the room, from 


side to the ot 


the 
to the 


very his 


Instantly 


once there he 


and slowly 


onc er, as though he were 


awaiting someone's arriv 


1 or trying out 


a pair of shoes. And he said words to 
OK — Гат naked! In the light! 
In the window! 1 am doing this! ln a 
dizzying moment — as though all the un 
certainties of the preceding weeks had 
come upon 
spun toward the w 
sill. 
in his socks and his watch. Down in the 
courtvard that he 
actually was doing it, he confronted his 
own elongated shadow. Yes, I ean do any 
thin 
nol even a person! 1 am а pers 
al ту window — Juliet is at hers — he 
is at his — 

What am 1 doing? 

He heard a noise, or thought he did 
Yee!" he cried next instant. 
pulled at the drawstrings of ihe curtain 


himscll 


с blow — he 
and, le 
presented. himself. there, 


him in a 


nin 


m the 


on 


below. as evidence 


Who are you to be so smug? You're 


эт! Lam 


and in the 


He raced out from the room, yanki 
the chains of the lamps as he flew past. 
In his study, he hurled himself upon the 
sofa and. trembling in every limb, he 
whined into his bundle of clothing, “You 
drove me to it — you 
fied.” and this time believed he was ad 


g at 


were never sati 


his wife, as earlier. with his 


dressini 


adow, he must have been addressing 


Tarsila Brown. 


Upon awakening the next morning, 
Walter found that his wile wasn’t talking 
to him. Only silence through breaktast 
then bus. they 
took down to the Market on 
Avenue, On Sat mornings Juliet 
liked to shop at the big barn of a market 
and often Walter accompanied her: it 
had always been their pleasure to do 
ther, Once they 


the which 
City 


rday 


coldness on 


First 


little domestic things tc 


had been such an amiable couple — why 
had she always to dream of the impos 
sible! This was all her fault! 


But he tagged along. despite the bad 
feeling between them, despite the fact 
that he did not what to do next 
with his wife, or for his wife — or himself 
Call the psychiatrist and tell him to for 
get it—or go alone? And if the phone 
rang — pick it up? Suppose it was the 
man across the way! If only he could ob 


know 


literate last night! 

It had taken two-and-a-half barbi 
turates, the largest potion Walter had 
ever swallowed, to obliterate 
it for him even to fall asle 


taken the pills and, b: 
the blankets of their bed — to which his 
wife had not yet come — he had waited 
for unconsciousness, praying all the while 
that the telephone would not ring. In 
the morning, he felt like à man who had. 


been piling bricks all night: in sleep his 
body had been punished, though he 
could not remember how 

Marriage is strange. Nosti thought 
Walter, for when he and his wife moved 
into the crowded market, they took hold 
of one another's hands. 1t was what they 
order not to lose cach 
crowd. So they did it now 

are! Husband and wile — 


nge 


Iways did, i 
other in thc 
How close we 
isn't that enough? 
"Hey ——" said Juliet. 
“Fm sorry A 
“What's the m 


tter with you?” He had 


squeezed her hand, but surcly not too 
hard. Nevertheless. she shook loose of 
him. 

“Em sorry .. ." he said. 


They moved through the market now. 
past bulky bius of vegetables, wheels of 
cheese, vats of pickles, mounds of fish, 
past all the hubbub and color that h 
ppealed to the young couple a 
made them, usually, so tender with с 
another, as they shopped, Never had they 


thought of themselves as people in 


always 


tive to what was vivid in life, or to life’ 


pleasures, No, they were not narrow . . 

Oh, what next! Juliet, what is happen 
ing? 

She turned from 
Walter, look, if 
with me this morning . . -" 

"Lets buy some fennel,” he said. He 
did not know what else to say. 

"I bought fennel. 


the cheese counter 


you don't want to be 


“he said. 
v. She had 
too. So 


"— Seeded Bahan br 
Petulanily, she started aw 
hi seeded Ita bread, 


а time in their marriage when she had 
not been a burden to hi Never! She 
started down the aisle, and he did not 
care if he never saw her again. What had 
she done to make him happy? 

‘Then by the fish counter, toward which 


Juliet was movin: ht of a 
ı face. For the moment he w 
ble to place it. He 


be some actor they had known years ago 
22. then he knew. Momentarily he had 
hot recognized him, because, of course, 
in the market he was dressed. Walter 


looked back into the crowd — and there 


coat . . . Heads moved 
When he came into view a 
s not to be scen 
fellow did not appe; 
he did reclining on 
in his apartment: nor was his жале focus- 
less, statuclike, as it was from a distance: 
nor was his skin like enamel, as it looked 
in that soft light. His complexion was 
Пу somewhat ruddy. In no obvious 
y did he appear a person less respect- 
ble than Walter. himself — but it was 
the man. 
He's followed ust 

Walter began to push 
he saw his wile mo 


turned quickly away, so 
looking. " 


now 


chair 


He made b for her arm. 
"Excuse ——" She turned, pulling her- 
г free. “Walter! 
Your fault!” he thought with murder 
in his heart. He caught hold of her a 
second time, and began to drag her with 
him to the exit. 
Look, 1 bought bread. Walter, you're 
Hing, Walter ——" And h 
Ш his strength, he did pull her, while 
with his free hand he pushed to the side 
«ох, knees. shopping bags . . . 
Toward the cxit— but toward the 
man! In the crowd of shoppers Walter 
had again lost sight of him — but the 
crowd shifted, surged. and there was the 
hat. bobbing along, only yards from 
where they must pass to make it to the 
street, to home, and then — God. to 
where? What had they done! 
fastened his grip on Juliet and prepared 
lor the push to the 
Walter!” Juliet demanded, "what —" 
And at the sound of her voice, ques- 
tioning him, he seemed 
the very edge of escape — to lose his p 
Or it changed; or it burst forth. 
impulse to drag her away with him 
ne its opposite. It lasted but a sec 
desire to ery out, "Oh, take her?" 
he heard her sobbing his name 
shoving ng her 
with him, he made it through the exit 
ind into the sunlit street. 


ndeed, м 


lat once — on 


id butting, dra 


She fell against hin. "Walter — 
He wanted a cab — but even more, he 
wanted to shake her and shake her. so 
that every stupid longing might come 
clattering out of her head. 
“Darling Walter — 
He waved at taxis speeding 
“Home.” he said. "We're going home! 
Were getting out of here—- 
“Don't be angry with me — 
He turned on her. “Wait (ill we've 
home 
She was sobbi 


by. 


2 “Im so sorry. It's you 
Im d to. Not that play. 3 

Oh! Enough! He grabbed h 
shoulders. The truth, at last! 
pl 


by both 
"What 


“It stinks, 
you're hurting m 
А pulled up. He pushed Juliet 
into the cab, jumped in himself and 
pulled the door shut behind them. А 
crowd had gathered on the sidewalk — 
Walter took a last look, and saw, with 
ief, no sign of the Tyrolean hat. And 
Juliet was sobbing. still. 
"OK," he demanded. “Whar pl 
It’s only one act. 1 wasn’t compe 
really 1 wasn't. You think ——" 
“Damn you, Juliet. What play!" 
“— Wrong, Walter. 1 didn't mean to. 
It doesn't have to do with you, really. 
But she buried her head in his chest, as 
not even believe herself. 
And she could not control the sobbin; 
Li he said, lifting her face, 
! What play!” But she only 
sobbed the same poor answers. over and 
over. He himself repeated his question 
two or three more times—and then the 
th, like a sharp edge. fell upon hi 
at last, It fell like a guillotine, an une: 
pected horror of a whack, for all that it 
had been hanging overhead beforehand, 
away. “No!” he cried to him- 
No! I's her!" But the wrath seemed 
to be that this i only himself. 


nyhow,” she moaned. “Oh, 


ax 


He called Kitter 
was ill. It 
such was possible on so awful a 
say to Kitter he'll have to resigi 
He called Harvey next to say һе must 
have two weeks’ va Juliet was not 
well, and they h 
id no, then W: 
take the two weeks on He was 
not going to stop short now of oblite 


ation: 


ing the night belore, and the nights prior 
t0 that as well. A moment before d 
he thought he might be being too ex- 


treme — until he reflected upon the ex- 
tremity of what he had done. So he 
dialed: Harvey was a friend as well as a 
boss, and said yes. Then Walter tele- 
phoned a travel agency; after that, a real- 
estate agency uptown. He said he would 
need ап apartment within a few weeks, 
ad described what he was after. In the 
ime he saw to it that all the drapes 


in the apartment were pulled shut; when 
the phone rang, he did not answer. He 
hovered over it, to be sure that Juliet 
did not answer either. But she wanted 
only to lie on thei id tearfully 
confess to him, when he appeared in the 
doorway, that he 
had been wr 


of the day on Hudson Street, years ago, 
when she had given up acting . . . and 
the 


the next evening they were in 
Baha 

Only when the plane touched dow 
ihe airport did Walter at last be 
feel safe. "My God. am I lucky." So hc 
addressed himself as they took a taxi to 
the hotel; as they had d г that сте. 
ning; as they danced later to the music 
on the terr: and later still when, at 
his suggestion, they went like lovers 
down by the bay, took ofl their shoes 

nd walked along the water's edge, hold 

ing hands. It did nor matter that what- 
ever Juliet did she did obl 
did it matter that she was un 
agh, or even smile, with any conviction 
t least it didn't matter to him yet. "T 
lucky,” he thought, "very lucky.” 

They walked along the beach. The air 
was soft and blue. The m ‘oss the 
courtyard was over а thousand miles 
away. Walter found he could be very 
aded about him at last. The crisis 
nd he could think. Who 
1 been? What had he been up 
to? What had he wanted? 

Did he just like to sit around naked 
watching television? Then why didn't he 
pull the drapes! 

Walter managed to do nothing to re- 
veal his astonishment. In fact, he spoke 
some words to Juliet about the stars over- 
ad. But he began to feel so foolish . . . 
they fled to the Bah no 
good reason; were they mov no 
good reason . .. ? 

Not so. He had to flee. He could not 
have remained in the apartment to be 
the 
phone rang or the buzzer 
went off. Innocent as the man across the 
way might actually have been — and what 
proof was there of that, really? — there 
was his own performance to keep 
mind. He ald have to remember 
even while forgeuing it. 

So then, what he had been chanting all 
day was tr lucky man. "And 
1 i he told him 


е; 


m where, upon the bed, he 
took what he believed to be the next 
necessary step in his marriage, To assert 
oncc n what he was, what his wife 
жаз at any rate, what they must Бе 
he mounted Juliet, who had appeared 
all day to be so chastened, and while she 
held her breath, he proceeded to repro- 


duce himself. 


235 


> 
° 
m 
> 
a 
a 
а 


PABLO PICASSO continued from page 98) 


the 


artist's pain 
fewer custom, 


ng approaches geni 
5 Һе obtains. 


y paint at extr: 
with. 
hti 


Too many artists toc 
y speed and 
. but without insi 


An amiable disposition, or the app 
nce thereof, is an important factor 
| artist's career which contributes to 
material success. I am often unamiable, 
outspoken, difficult, and ble to fits of. 
bad temper. 


The struggle for fulfillment is the theme 
of all my best work. 


Although I have become an admired 
master living in the snug security of 
success and fame, 1 am by no means a 
genius. I consider myself only moder- 
ately talented and much inferior to the 
great painters of the world. Luckily, 1 
have never been regarded as a serious 
rival to anyone. 


My versatility. boldness and realism as a 
painter have been highly praised. Dut to 
my eyes my work often seems coarse 
ther than realistic, and superficial 
rather than. bold. 


For many years 1 worried about dying 
forgotten and being buried at the pub- 
lic expe а pauper's grave. 


Iam fundamentally an original artist in 
tune with the cultural. discontents and 
attitudes of our age, but 1 often show a 
decided tendency to break away from the 
approved mold of modern society. 


I stand aside 
tles 


n all the theoretical bat- 
ed by artists. 1 am anxious to 
ather than create a 


Tam never interested whether the jury's 


Favorable or 
m for my work 


verdict about my work 
unfavorable. My enth 
Ш that 1 need. 


I never pass harsh judgment on an- 
other's work. If I am not impressed, I 
try to avoid falsehood in my opinion on 
the work of the artist by presei 
absolute silence. 


Т have a curiously restless qu 
does not reflect the self-doubt of 
secure mind but the creative spi 
man sure of himself. 


t of a 


1 begins when he starts 
lous of his contemporaries. 


y young painters imitate me, 


236 only a few understand me. 


My work contains the whole soul of a 
man who has known the depths of life's 
mysteries, who has sought them as а 
lover, with joy, and reverence, and f. 


ar. 


1 often record life with profound. com- 


pasion and exalt the greatness 
anguish of the human situation with 
analytical realism. 

Blame me if you wish, like or dislike 


me. but for pity’s 
for my gr 


ake don't indict me 
nly realistic work. 


Stylistically 1 owe nothing to anyone, 
nor can my mentality be compared with 
that of any other artist. 


1 have always considered most of my 
work highly stylistically 
unique, and purely Spanish in temper 
— neither mystical nor е i 


tic 


1 have often been told by other artists 
that the ter can write one тепсе 
in опе picture but no more. He 
record only one expression. It is for this 
reason that 1 have always paid great 
attention to the decorative design of 
my portrai 


Oddly enough 
grows brighter 
glowing. 


‚ аз T grow older my style 
ad my colors more 


I think my style is more lively, elaborate 
and dramatic than many of the older 
masters because L pay greater attention 
to perspective, color, and. the vanity of 
movement in my figures. 


I have always sought to give new 
the picturesque. tradition of art. 


The style of my portraits is often softly 
sentimental because I have a special ten- 
derness for pretty, hazeleyed, exotic 
faces. 


‘The dramatic and emotional features of 
m often dictated not by 
ideas but by direct observation. 


pictures 


te do- 
tence, a world of 
ter. 


When I work my life is a pri 
main, а separate ex 
my own, and I am its n 


y hunger for work is never appeased. 
1 drain everything that surrounds me 
and rapidly overcome every obstacle 


about any subject 1 tackle. 


I have lived to know that the secret of 
ness is never to let your energies 
te. 


Imellectual preoccupation plays little 
part in my work. Fecling is тоге im- 
portant | subordinate everything te 
visual impression. 


My sense of rhythm has enabled me to 
express my emotions in my work inde- 
pendently of my subject mater. 


Sometimes my ра g5 are с 
restful and my attitude pe 
adjustment. of values. 


nently 
mits а re- 


My finest paintings are done when I 
work with buoyant unrestraint. 


Sometimes my mind works too fast for 
my hand and this ai 


The more I elaborate my portraits, the 
less I describe the physical features and 
the more I transform them into vehicles 
of expression. 


Have you ever thought of it? The mem- 
ory of an eye is the most deathless of 
memories, because ther anywhere, 
glimpse of the visible soul 
as it sits by the window. 


you catch 


I often make dead men seem real in 
my paintings — and often. surprisingly 
likable. 


their terrifying psychological insights. 
good painting with a faintly erotic ove 
tone often has the greatest charm and 
tenderness, 


an unquestioning faith in the 
expressive power of the human body, 
and an untiring devotion to the glories 
of the nude. 


I have loved to paint women because I 
glorify woman, and treat woman's nat- 
ural be nd 
I portray her sinister and evil aspects 
with understanding. For me, woman is 
not merely а favorite subject —she is 
an essential content of life. I ha 
loved to portray the eternal beauty of 
youth in all its diversity and magnifi- 
cence. 


mty with great enthusiasm, 


Among my friends I am 
morist who can always amuse and add 
to the joy of 1 m humorously 
charming from start to finish. 


cultured hu- 


My work is whimsical, tender, biting, 
garrulous — because 1 often. look at the 
world with the eyes of a satiri 
по rose-colored specta 
а disillusioned picture that | draw. 


m one of the few 
who can use the w 
abored. clum: 


Some of my pictures may have | 
weak, but my work has never been 
elfeminate. 


You may like my painting or you may 
not like it, but if you don't like the way 
1 paint it there is something the matter 
with vour eyes, 


achieve the 


ways hope that I c 
fullest expression of my talent in the 
works of my old age. 


til 


1 will go on working intensively u 
the last day of my life. 


The ys been a good 
woman behind every great man, and 
there is a good deal of truth in the say 
ing that a man can be no greater th: 


the woman he loves will let him be. 


The man who truly loves, loves humbly 
and does not fear that another may be 
preferred, but that another may be 
worthier of preference than himself 


Desires are the pulses of the soul. As 
physicians judge by appeti 
by desires 


€ 


(ces are the first billetsdoux of love. 


We glorify the supremacy of a first love 
as though the heart did not requ 


training as varied as the intellect. 
Tam not one of those who do not believe 
love at first sight, but I believe in 


king a second look. 


modern Cupid is no longer blind, 
ї clearsighted, calculating and p 
tical. 


There are different kinds of love. but 
they all have the same possession. 


In love. she who gives her portrait 
promises the ori, 


My life has 
al vigorous adventure D 1 
been passionately fond of the pageantry 
of beautiful and romantic women, and 
have retained the fire of 


een а most exuaordi 


ause I 


ve 


usion, 


s said it, nature meant to 
an as its masterpiece. 


Beauty is worse than wine: it intoxic 
both the holder and the beholder. 


tes 


My taste forever refines in the study of 
woman, 


women 


' 
the loudest call 


The whisper of a by 
be heard farther ih; 


of duty. 


I always advise my friends to be circum- 


іш their liaisons with 
to be seen at the uh 
Шап to be se 
1. 


It 
мег with 
п at Mass 


spect 


is better 
this woman 


h that won 


А man who has not some woman, some- 
where, who believes in him, trusts h 
and loves him, has reached a point where 
self-respect is gone. 


Men like to reflect them, but 
the woman who can only reflect a m 
and is nothing in herself, will never 
ol much service to him. 


women 


А won be held by m 


^ can 
tie than the knowledge that she is 


Women see through cach other 
often we most admire her whom the 
most scorn. 


Rejected lovers should never desp: 
There are 24 hours in a day, and 
a moment in the 21 in which a woman 
may not change her mind. 


I men kuew all that wome 


think. they 
would be 20 times more audaciou 


Rascal! That word on the lips of a 
woman, addressed t0 a too-daring man, 
often means angel. 


Woman is more constant in hatred th 
in love. 


prify the common things of life, 
5 the grandest part of woman's 
work in this world. 


n when 
kness. 


Women аге never stronger th 
they arm themselves with their wea 


y more evil of a we 
lly is 
more than is known. 


Meu always 
than the: 


and there is alw 


understood why wom 
man of talent 


1 have neve 
sec chiefly the detects of 
fool. 


nd the merits of 


If women were humbler men would be 
honester. 


own child chat onc 
ntoxicates with 
h promises. 


Woman is an ove 
ses with toys, 
tery, and seduces wi 


It is vanity that renders the youth of 
women culpable, and their old age vi 
diculous. 


wile 


means 


rage. woman a 


а subject. 


queen; 


True modesty protects a woman better 
than her clothes, 
who teeth 


Women don't have good 


laugh only with th 


eyes. 


The resistance of а woman is not always 
a proof of her virtue, but more fre 
quently of her experience. 


Phere are no women to whom virtue 
omes easier than those who possess no 
attractions. 


“That's [unny—1 didn't know it was 


Sally 


Humplemeyer right ашау 


237 


pı Women enjoy more the pleasure they 

Q Bite than the pleasure they feel. 

M То be womanly is the greatest charm of 

Ы woman. 

= В б = 
A woman dies twice: the day she quits 

"life and the day that she cı 

A S 
We should go into the world w 
expectations and infinite. patience. 
1 do not have so great a struggle with 
my vices, great and numerous as they 
are, as I have with my impatience. Му 
eflorts are not absolutely useless; yet I 
have never been able to conquer this 
ferocious wild beast. 
1 have acquired the habit of looking for 
the silver lining of the cloud, and when 
I have found it continue to look at it, 
rather than at the gray in the middle. 
Te has helped me over many hard places. 
Unless a man has trained himself for 
his chance, the chance will ошу make 
him ridiculous. 
Many do with opportunities as children 
do at the seashore: they fill their little 
hands with sand, and then let the grains 
fall through, one by one, t € gone. 
I think it is wise advice to those who 
desire to go hopefully and cheerfully 
through their work in this life that th 
should take short views. not plan too 
lar ahead. take the present blessing and 
be thankful for 
Good and bad fortunes are equ 
essary to develop the powers of the soul. 
I like to compare faith to gold: but 
is much more noble than gold. As gold 
is the more precious metal in mortal 
things. so faith excels the most in spir- 
itual things. 
1 bear every trial with courage and good 
humor and possess an amazing zest for 
lile. 1 have never been a repressed 
person. 
1 h the most aggressively 
modest man of the century. 
It is curious to think how often our 
needless Hears, which cause so much un- 
necessary anxiety and misery, are the 
result of pure miscalculation; and t 

jot made іп а hurry, but 

‘The coin most current among mankind 
is Mattery, the only benefit of which is, 
that by hearing what we are not, we 
may learn what we ought to be. 

238 I cannot help suspecting that those who 


abuse themselves are in reality 
for approbation. 


gling 


I often hear people praised for good 
feelings. They say that soandso is a 
man who has good feelings. Now, let 
me tell you that there аге people in this 
world who get a good name simply on 
count of their feelings. You can't tell 
one generous action they ever performed 
in their lives 
most benevolently. I know a mar 
you would call а rough and ui 
man, and yet he has done more 
kindness than all of those good-feeling 
people put together. You may judge 


but they can look and talk 
whom 


people's actions by their fec but I 
judge people's feelings by their actions. 
active 


nd every- 
d possess. I 
1 much more than curiosity and in- 
terest in others. 


True friendship can only be made be- 
tween true men. Hearts are the soul of 
honor. There can be no lasting friend- 
ship between bad men. Bad men may 
pretend to love cach other, but the 
friendship is a rope of 
be broken at any co 


ad, which can 
ent time, 


For 
зо 


me, nature is a human theme, a 
¢ of reverie, which reduces the 
nite complexity of the world to an 
mellectual unity. 


T see nature as something passionate, 
stormy, uneasy and dramatic, like my 
own soul. 


It is not unusual for captains, in time 
of war, to start on а voyage under scaled 
orders, not to be opened till they reach 
а certain place. So we all sail under 
sealed orders, not knowing our des 
tion till the last port is made 
heaven or hell is gained. 


T am not an intellectual skeptic, and Т 
mystic whose philosophy is 
I am a philosopher who seeks 
escape from the misunder g of the 
world in the life of an artist. 


There was an ancient custom of putting 
an hourglass into the соп of the dead 
to signify that their time had run out 
— а useless notification to them. 1 would 
like to put an hourglass into the hand 
of every living man. and show him the 
пу glidii ly out. 


life 


an's happiness and success 
will depend not so much upon w 
he has. or upon what position he occu- 
pies, as upon what he is, and the heart 
he ca position, 


If we only knew how little some enjoy 
the great things they possess, there would. 


not be much envy in the world. 
Recently I showed а єзї my fine house, 
gardens, statues, pictures, and so on. 
And the priest said to me, “Аһ, Picasso, 
these are the things which make a death- 
bed ter 


keep fresh and 
ingly. ondis while we bave it, we 


Old age is a courtier. He knocks again 
and again at the window and at the door, 
and makes us everywhere conscious of 
his presence. Woe to the man who be 
comes old without becoming wise. There 
is not a more repulsive spectacle than 
an old man who will not forsake the 
world, which has already forsaken him. 


This disordered universe is th 
of yor We ke 
ness by encouraging artificial wants. by 
creating sensitive and selfish feelings: 
then we project everything sta 
Ше impress of our ow 
ther the whole of creation 
ned be 


picture 


own mind. a wilder- 


p: 


If happiness were an attainment of the 
mind, to be acquired, as a science or an 
art is learned from the teacher, no place 
could contain the crowds that would 
flock to the school. But there is no such 
school Each must learn the lesson by 
himself. 


The id 
eration t0 generation that happiness is 
one large and beautiful precious stone 
—a single gem, so rare that all search 
after it is vain, all effort for it hopeless. 
It is not so. Happiness is a mos: 
posed of many smaller stones. Each, 
taken apart and viewed singly, may be 
of little value: but when all are grouped 
together, and carefully combined and 
set, they form a ph wd graceful 
whole—a costly jewel. 


com- 


isi 


I often remind myself of the Romans 
| the Temple of 
Apollo ш the form of a 
man, with a rose in his right hand, a 
ily in his left, above him a marigold, 
and under him wood, with the inscrip 
tion, ст. The 
notes that man flourishes as а flower, 
but at length is withered and cast 
The lily denotes the favor of mai 
asily lost. and is soon of no account. 
The marigold shows fickleness of pros- 
perity. The wood эй 1 the 
delights of the world are sweet in execu- 
tion but biter in retribution, Levate — 
consider what lesson of carthly vanity is 


herel 
E 


who painted Honor 
representin 


Levate — cow rose de 


THE PLAYBOY ART GALLERY 


AMERICAN GOTHIC By Jim Beaman 


239 


PLAYBOY 


240 


USES OF THE BLUES 


pened to America, since America. unlike 
any other Western power. had its slaves 
on the mainland. They were here. We 


1 our slaves at а time, unluckily [or 
us, when slavery was going out ol fa 
ion. Aud after the Bill of R 
forc. it would scem to 
presence of this black mass here 
posed to all the things we s 

Tieved in and ако аса ti 
whole doctrine of white supremacy had 
never even been questioned is one of 


me th. 


we 
ne when the 


the most cruc (ts of our history. It 
would be n ish now to read the 
handbooks of colonialists a hundred 
Years ago: even ten years ago. for that 


matter. But in those days. it was not 


(continued from page 13: 


even 


question of black people Dei 
inferior to white people. The American 
found himself in а very peculiar position 
because he knew that black people were 
people. Frenchmen could avoid knowing 
it— they never met a black man 

lishmen could 


knowi 


` 


Americans could not avoid knowi 
because, after all, here he was and h 
was no matter how it was denied 

man, just like everybody else. And the 
attempt to avoid this, oid this 
I consider one of the keys to what we 
can call loosely the American psychology. 
For one thing, it created in Americans a 
kind of perpetual, hidden, festering and 
entirely unadmitted guilt, Guilt is а very 


“Looks like yowve been letting yourself go 
these last few weeks, Dr. Jekyll.” 


emotion. As long as you ше 
bout something. no matter what 
is, you are not compelled to change it. 
Guilt is | arm bath or. to be rud 
it is like 
used 10 i 


place where you cannot live 
because in order to live wi 

order to get past this guilt. 
ve And in order to act. you 
inust be conscious and take great chances 
and be responsible for the consequences. 
Therefore, liberals, and people who are 
nor even liberals, much p 
the Negro problem than to try to de: 
with what this figure of the Negro really 
means personally to them, They still 
prefer to read statistics, charts, Gallup 
polls, rather than deal with the reality. 
They still tell me, to console 
Negroes bought Cadillacs, Cutty 
Sark. Coca-Cola. Schweppes. st ve 
how many more will buy Cadillacs, 
Cuty Suk. Coca-Cola and Schweppes 


out 


fer to discuss 


me, how 


ny 


xı year. To prove to me that things 
ате getting better. Now. of course, I 
think it is a very sad matter if vou sup- 


pose that you or 1 have bled and sullered 
wb died in this country in order to 
achieve Cadillacs, Cutty Sank, Schweppes 
and Coca-Cola, It 

accepts this speculation about the luxury 
of guilt that the second. reason must be 
related to the fist. That has to do with 


seems to me if onc 


the ways in which we manage to project 
onto the Negro face. because ü is so 
Visible, all of our guilts aud aggressions 


nd desires. And if you doubt this, think 
ends that surround. the Negro 


day. Think, when you think 


ol these legends. (hat they were not 
ed by Negroes, but they were 
invented by the white republi Ask your 


self if Aunt Jemima or Uncle Tom ever 
existed anywhere and why it was neces- 


sary to invent them. Ask yourself wh 


Negrocs until today are, in the popular 
wasination. at once the most depraved 
people under heaven and aost 
saintly. Ak yourself wha Will 
Faulkner ically was aying 10 say 
шет for a Nun, which is about 
amer. whore, dope addict, saint. Faulk- 
ner wrote it. I never met Nancy, the 


he was writing about. He never met 
her either. but the question is. why was 
it necessary for him and lor us to hold 
omo this image? We › so lar 
апе. Ask yourself why liberals are so 
delighted. with. the mo! Defiant 
Ones, |t ends when 
duey Poitier, the bl 
been chained inermi 
tis the white man, finally breaks the 
a is on the train. is getting. away, 
but no. he does" go, doesn't leave poor 
Tony Curtis down there on the ch; 
mg. Not at all. He jumps off the tr 
id they go buddy-buddy back together 
to the same old Jim Crow d 


needn't 


remem 


ck on 


уо 


Now this is a fable, Why? Who is trying 
to prove what to whom? HPH tell you 
something. | saw that movie twice. 1 
saw with all my liberal 
friends who were delighted when Sidney 
jumped off the train. I saw it uptown 
with my less liberal friends, who were 
furious. When Sidney jumped off that 
train they called him all kinds of un 
mentionable things. Well. their reaction 
was at least more honest and more direct. 
Why is it necessary at this late date, one 
screams at the world, to prove that the 
Negro doesn't really bate you, he's for- 
given and forgotten all of it. Maybe he 
has. That's not the problem, You 
haven't. And that is the problem: 


downtow! 


1 love you, baby, 
But can't stand your dirty ways. 


There's one more thing 1 ought to 
add to this. The final turn of the screw 
that created this peculiar purgatory 
which we call America is that aspect of 
our history that is most wiumphant, We 
really did conquer a continent, we have 
made a lot of money. we're better off 
materially than anybody else in the 
world. How easy it is as a person or as 
a nation to suppose that one's well-bei 
is proof of one's virtue: 


Tact, a great 
many people are saying just that right 
now. You know, we're the best nation 
in the world because we're the richest 
nation in the world. The American way 
of life has proven itself, according to 
these curious people, and that’s why 
we're so rich. This is called Yanke 
tue and it comes from ( but my 
point is that Í think this has again some- 
thing to do with the American failure 
to lace reality, Since we have all these 
things, we can't be so bad and, since we 
have all gs, we are robbed, in 
a way, of the incentive to walk лу 
from the ТУ set, the Cadillac, and go іп- 
10 the chaos out of which and only out 
of which we can create ourselves into 
human beings. 

То talk about th in this 
country today is extremely dificult. Even 
the words mean nothing anymore. I 
think, for example, what we call the 
religious revival іп America means that 
more ore people periodically get 
more and more frightened. and go to 
church in order to make sure they don" 
lose their investments. "This is the only 
reason that Т can find for the popul 
of men who have noth 

igion at all, li Norman Vincent 
mple — only for example; 
ече lots of others just like him. I 
nk this is very sad. I think it’s very 


vir 


se thi 


m 


frightening. But Ray Charles, who is a 


с artist, n 
ion 


kes of a genuinely 
something trium- 
phant and liberating. He tells us that 
he cried so loud he gave the blucs to his 
neighbor next door. 


How can I put it? Let us talk about a 
person who is no longer very young, who 
ged to get 10, let us say, 


somchow ma 


the age of 40, and a great many of us do. 
without ever having been touched, 
broken, disturbed, frightened — 10-year- 


old virgin, male or female. There is a 
sense of the grotesque about a person 
who has spent his or her life in a kind 
of cotton batting. There is something 
monstrous about never ha been hurt, 
never having been made to bleed, never 
lost anything, havin 
gained anything because life is beautiful 
ad in order to keep it beautiful youre 
going to stay just the way you are and 
уоште not going to test your theory 
gainst all the possibilities outside. Amer- 
ica is something like that. The failure on 
our part to accept the reality of pain, of 
anguish, of ambiguity, of death has 
turned us into a very peculiar and some- 
times monstrous people. It means, for 
one thing, and it’s very serious, that peo- 
ple who have had no experience have no 
compassion. People who have had no 
experience suppose that if a man is a 
thief, he is a thief: but, in fact, that isn't 
the most important thing about him. 
The most important thing about him is 
that he is a man and. furthermore, that 
if he’s a thief or a murder ateve 
he is, you could also be and you would 
know this, anyone would know this who 
had really dared to live. Miles Davis once 
gave poor Billie Holiday 5100 and s 
body said, "Man. don't you 
going to go out and spend 
and Miles said. "Baby 
been sick? 
Now. you don't know that by rcad 
by looking. You don't know what the 
river is like or what the ocean is like by 
standing on the shore. You can't know 
iything about life and suppose you can 
set through it clean. The most moi 
strous people are those who think they 
€ going to. 1 think this shows in ever 
thing we see and do, in everything w 
read about these peculiar private lives. 
so peculiar that it is almost 
to write about them. because what a m 
says he's doing has nothing to do with 
what he's really doing. If you read such 
ovelists as John ОН 
agine what country he's t 
If you read Life magazine. 
ading about the moon, Nobody 
country. That country does 
nor exist and, what is worse, everybody 
knows it. But everyone pretends that it 
docs. Now this is panic. And this is 
terribly dangerous, because it means t 
when the trouble comes, and trouble 
Ways comes, you t survive it 
means that if your son dies, you may go 
to pieces or find the nearest psychiatrist 
ог the nearest church, but you won't 
survive it on your own. If you don't su 
ive your trouble out of your own т 
sources, you have not really survived it; 


ing never 


"ror w 


me- 


now she's 
on dope? 
have you ever 


mpossible 


wor 


you have merely closed yourself against 
it. The blues are. rooted the slav 
songs: the slaves discovered. something 
genuinely terrible, terrible 
sums up the universal с 
versal hope, the univer 


because it 
lenge, the 
1 fear: 


The very time I thought I was lost 
My dungeon. shook and my chains 


fell off. 


Well, that is almost all I am trying to 
say. | say it out of great concern. And 
out of a certain kind of hope. H you 
сап live in the full Knowledge that you 
ie, that you are not going 

that if you live with the 


to live [oreve 


reality of death, you can live. This is 
not mystical talk, it is a fact. It is a prin- 
1 fact of lif "t do it, if 


you эре 


4 your entire life in flight from 
death, you are also in flight from life. 
For example, right now you find the 
most unexpected people bı bomb 
shelters, which is very close to being a 
nic which creates 
a public delusion that some of us will 
be saved by bomb shelters. If we had. 
s human beings. on a personal and pr 
vate level. our personal authority, we 
would know better; but because we are 
so uncertain of all these things, some of 
е willing to spend 
the rest of our lives underground. in 
concrete, Perhaps, if we had a more 
working relationship with ourselves and 
with one another, we might be able to 
turn the tide and eliminate the propa- 
ganda for building bomb shelters. Peo- 
ple who in some sense know who they 
can't change the world always, but 


us, apparently, 1 


they сап do somethi t a litle 
more, to make life a litle more human. 
Hum п the һем sense, Human in 


terms of joy, freedom which is always 
private, respect, respect for one another, 
even such things as ners. All these 
things are very important, all these old. 
fashioned thin People who don't 
know who they are privately, accept a 
we have accepted for nearly 15 years, the 
fantastic disaster which we call Amer 
can politics and which we call American 
foreign policy, and the incoherence of 
the one is ап exact reflection of the in- 
coherence of the other. Now, the only 
way to change all this is to begin to ask 
ourselves very dificult questions. 

I will stop now. But I want to quote 
two things. A very great American writer, 
Hemy James, writing to a friend of his 
who had just lost her husband, id. 
s and uses us but we wea 
too, and it is blind. Whereas 
„ alter à manner, see." And В 


sic said 


Good mornin’ blues. 
Blues, how do you do? 
Гт doin’ all right 
Good mornin’. 

How are you? 


241 


PLAYBOY 


ҮБҮ ñánvev KURTZMAN AND WLL ELDER 
5 N n 


LISTEN, EVERYBODY! DADDY BIGBUCKS HAS SILLY! 
A FANTASTIC IDEA. HE WANTS TO MOVE THE 3 IT'S IN 
PARTY OVER TO HIS LITTLE TOWN HOUSE — A 


SOUTH 
AMERI- 
WE'RE SWINGING PRETTY 


GOOD RIGHT HERE, ANNIE ~ 
[S] WHAT'S SO “FANTASTIC” ABOUT 

168, | MOVING THE PARTY TO HIS 
К LITTLE TOWN HOUSE ? 


HELLO, 
SOUTH 
AMERICA! 


GOSH, JUST 
THINK! WE'RE 
THOUSANDS 

OF MILES 

FROM THE 

U.S. AL 


PASS ME 

THE ICE 
CUBES, 

PLEASE. 


-THOUSANDS SOMEBODY 
OF MILES 
FROM. 
CIVILIZA- 


BOP, 
BOP, Вори 


"МОМ 1 WANT YOU TO MAKE YOURSELVES COM- 
FORTABLE. WHATEVER YOU WANT >< А SWIM -- A BITE 


^ A NAP --« МҮ BOYS WILL TAKE CARE OF ANY COMFORT 


ACHTUNG! 
SPITFEIR!! 


YOU MIGHT DESIRE! «CONTRARY TO STATESIDE OPIN- 
ION, SOUTH AMERICA IS NOT PDPULATED BY ILLITERATE, 


SPANISH - SPEAKING INDIANS. MY HOUSE, IN FACT, 15 
STAFFED Bv EXPERTS WHO HAVE COME FROM THE 


MOST SOPHISTICATED CENTERS OF 
CULTURE IN EUROPE. 


JAWOHL, 
HERR OBER- 
LEUTNANT! 


IT'S ONE THING 
TO TWIST FROM 
DUSK TO DAWN - 
TO TWIST FROM 
BASEMENT TO 
ROOFTOP - BUT 
TO TWIST FROM 
NORTH TO SOUTH 


AMERICA — А 


ANNIE 
THIS WAY 
BEFORE. 
| ONCE SHE 
iy STARTS 
TWISTING, 
SHE CAN'T 
STOP. 


HOW DID WHAT | 
| | vou Do r, USED WAS 
RUTHIE? [THE ULTIMATE 


WHAT DID |] FREUDIAN 
YOU USE 2 


VE SEEN | 


243 


PLAYBOY 


FACING IN THIS 
DIRECTION YOU GET A 
MAGNIFICENT VIEW OF THE 
HOUSE WITH ITS LAKE IN 
THE SUNSET / 


THE ONLY TROUBLE 
16 YOU MUSTN'T FACE IN 
THE OTHER. DIRECTION. 


GOSH, IT'S AS YES, MY RETREAT і, t ТНЕУ LIKE THEIR МАУ OF LIFE, JUST SO IM 
PICTURESQUE | BORDERS ON THIS қ LIKE WE LIKE OURS. | OFTEN SIT ОМ THE BUILDING 
AS A MOVING | COLORFUL LITTLE PATIO IN THE EVENING TO LISTEN TO 

PICTURE- TOWN. ! LOVE THE THEM LAUGHING AND DANCING ANO 
JUST LIKE SIMPLE NATIVES IN STRUMMING THEIR BANJOS IN THE MOON- 
“VIVA THEIR TRADITIONAL LIGHT WHEN DAY'S WORK ON THE PLANTATION'S OF LIFE 
ZAPATA!” RAGGEDY COSTUMES- DONE! - EATING WATERMELON! LAWZY / 

2 THEY SHO CAN DANCE / 


WHAT WITH NO RAIN, FAILING CROPS, AND INHERENT 
POVERTY, THE wiLY DEVILS ARE ALWAYS STEALING 
SOMETHING! TROUBLE IS, THE RICH, LAND-OWNING, 
SOUTH AMERICAN ARISTOCRATS DON'T WANT TO GIVE 


AWAY ANYTHING! — AND WHO WINDS UP PAYING? 
" 


-АН! THE 
BOYS ARE DOING 
A GOOD JOB! THE ONLY 
WAY OVER THIS WALL WILL 
BE BY AIRLIFT >» YESSIR, 
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A 

GOCD FENCE TO SEPARATE 
YOU FROM UNDESIR ABLE 
ELEMENTS. 


CONE, 
MY CHILD +-+ 
SHALL WE GO 


CAN CHANGE IN 
THE CABANA 


— WAIT FOR YOU TO TAKE THE DIP, THAT IS? I 
DON'T SWIM MUCH. YOU'LL HAVE THE WHOLE BEACH 
TO YOURSELF. I HAVEN'T SEEN HIDE NOR 
HAIR OF THE “BUNCH”! 


OH, GOODIE! I'M SO SELF - 
CONSCIOUS ОМ А CROWDED BEACH 
WHEN I WEAR A BIKINI. 


IF ОМУ THOSE OH, DADDY-- 
PEOPLE WOULD SHARE YOU SHOULD BE 
WHAT THEY HAVE WITH PRESIDENT OF 

THE PEASANTS. THE WORLD/ 


! HAVE A 
NEW BIKINI 
AND I CANT WAIT 
TO oer A 


A BIKINI 
MAKES You 
SUDDENLY FEEL THE 
WHOLE WORLD IS 
STARING AT Ү00- 


EEEL THAT, 
ЕЕЕ 
ANNIE 
EANNY? 


PLAYBOY 


LET'S KEEP DADDY AND THEN LET'S 
ANNIE COMPANY, GANG / LET'S THROW "ЕМ IN THE 
ALL GET INTO OUR BATHING WATER, GANG 1 


YESSIR — 1 WAS 
THERE'S WHERE'D ABOUT TO 


B| NOTHING LIKE EVERYBODY SUGGEST THAT 


AGOOD FENCE j| WE ADJOURN 

TO SEPARATE TO THE UP- 
YOU FRDM BELIEVE IT'S STAIRS DEN, 
UNDESIRABLE RAINING. MY DEAR. 
ELEMENTS! 


ANNIE! WE'RE 

BEING FLOODED ! - NOW 
DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD! 
JUST LISTEN TO YOUR 
DADDY ANO EVERYTHING 
WILL BE ALL RIGHT! DON'T 

PANIC ! JUST GET ME 
Қ OUT OF HERE! 


WE'LL DUNK (X 
DADDY mo 


BIGBUCKS, AND - 


TLL GO BELOW TO THE BAR 
AND BRING US UP SOME DRINKS. 
WE'LL VATCH THE RAIN PELT 
ON THE WINOOWPANE AG WE 
SIP HOT TODOIES - SNUG AS 

A BUG AND TWICE AS 

DRY — WOOP! 


DADDY. THE RAIN 
HAS STOPPED ANO 
WE'LL BE SAFE 
UP HERE ON THE 
ROOF >= BUT 
WHERE 16 
EVERYBODY ? 


Н ^ SENT THE HELP AWAY 
FOR THE NIGHT AND >” HARK! 
7” MUSIC! - АМ | LOSING MY 
MIND 2 WITH THE COUNTRYSIDE 
INUNDATED, CAN THOSE CRAZY 
NATIVES BE SINGING AND STRUM- 
MING THEIR. BANJOS OUT 
THERE IN THE FLOOD ? 


ML ARRIBA! 


NS 
po 


WITH A WALL- 
-WHILE IT 

KEEPS “THEM” 
OUT“ IT 
KEEPS YOU 


DADDY BIGBUCKS ! 
THE OTHER. SIDE OF 
THE WALL IS ORY / 
“АМО LOOK WHAT 
Eun f 


AH, WELL >< SOON THE 
WATER WILL DRAIN OFF 
AND IN THE MORNING, THEY" 
COME AND GET US! MEAN 
Ё WHILE, WE HAVE EACH OTHER. 
LET US MAKE THE BEST 
OF A BAD SITUATION. 


— SO ІТ IS. THE WALL IS HOLDING 
THE RISEN LAKE LIKE A SOUP 
BOWL! THE NATIVES ARE HAVING 
A FIESTA TO CELEBRATE THE 

END OF THE DROUGHT. 


COME, 
My CHILO! 


TO THE MUSIC 
~ HERE «CLOSE 
BY My SIOE, 
ANO- 


THE UNDE- 
SIRABLE 
ELEMENTS | 
BUILT THE WALL 
TO KEEP OUT 
ARE NOW NOT 
SO UNDESIR- 
ABLE. 


PLAYBOY 


248 


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ABOUT A YOUNG MAN WHO FINDS HE IS BEING BILKED OUT OF HIS IN- 
HERITANCE AND WHAT HE DOES ABOUT IT—BY P. G. WODEHOUSE 


“THE NIGHTMARE'—MACHIAVELLIAN MACHINATIONS ON AN INTER- 
NATIONAL LEVEL PROVIDE TAUT FICTIVE FARE—BY PAT FRANK 


“WHERE DOES IT SAY IN FREUD?"—A COMIC TOUR DE FORCE FINDS 
A NEGRO PATIENT WITH METHOD IN HIS MADNESS INDULGING IN SOME 
ANTIC TRANSFERENCE WITH HIS WHITE PSYCHIATRIST—BY JACK GUSS 


*'THEPLAYBOY PHILOSOPHY"—THEEDITOR-PUBLISHER CONTINUESTO 
SPEAK HIS MIND ON HYPOCRISY IN OUR SOCIETY —BY HUGH M. HEFNER 


“THE MONEYGRABBERS"—FIVE WHO MADE ILLEGAL MILLIONS AND 
HOW THEY OUTFOXED THE LAW—BY MURRAY TEIGH BLOOM 


"SILVERSTEIN'S HISTORY OF PLAYBOY" CONTINUING THE PER- 
SONAL CHRONICLE ОҒ OUR FIRST TEN YEARS—BY SHEL SILVERSTEIN 


“MUSIC OF THE ABSURD"—AN OUTSPOKEN COMMENTARY ON THE 
ODDBALL EXPERIMENTS OF THE MUSICAL DADAISTS—BY JAMES BLISH 


“HOW TO TALK DIRTY AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE"—ANOTHER IN- 
STALLMENT IN THE CONTENTIOUS AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF LENNY BRUCE 


!.. PLAYBOY PICTORIALS ON MAMIE VAN DOREN UNADORNED, 
THE BOUDOIR ANTICS OF RICHARD BURTON AND PETER O'TOOLE 
DURING THE FILMING OF SCENES FOR THE FOREIGN VERSION OF 
"BECKET" AND “PLAYMATES REVISITED —1954”—A REVIEW OF THE 
PLAYMATES FROM PLAYBOY'S FIRST YEAR OF PUBLICATION. 


“YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE” AN EXCITING NEW JAMES BOND АР. 
VENTURE NOVEL BY IAN FLEMING. “THE HISTORY OF SEX AND 
CENSORSHIP IN CINEMA''—A PROVOCATIVE, IN-DEPTH SERIES ANALYZ- 
ING THE EROTIC ASPECTS OF MOTION PICTURES OVER THE PAST HALF 
CENTURY, BY THE NOTED FILM CRITIC OF THE “SATURDAY REVIEW.” 
ARTHUR KNIGHT—ILLUSTRATED WITH SCENES CENSORED FROM 
MOVIES AROUND THE WORLD. “THE PIOUS PORNOGRAPHERS RE- 
VISITED"—THE AUTHOR OF THE CLASSIC DISSECTION OF THE JANUS- 
LIKE WOMEN'S MAGAZINES TAKES A NEW LOOK AT THE LADIES: JOURNALS 
—BY WILLIAM IVERSEN. “UNCLE SHELBY'S SCOUT HANDBOOK” 
—AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL FOR THE LITTLE SHAVERS BY PLAYBOY'S 
POTENTATE OF PARODY, SHEL SILVERSTEIN. “LEROY NEIMAN АТ 
THE LIDO”—THE CELEBRATED ARTIST CAPTURES THE ESSENCE, BOTH 
ONSTAGE AND BACKSTAGE, OF THE GAYEST NIGHT SPOT IN PARIS. A 
RIBALD PICTORIAL SPOOF OF HOLLYWOOD HEROES BY PETER SELLERS. 
PLAYBOY PHOTO FEATURES ON SOPHIA LOREN, CARROLL BAKER, 
STELLA STEVENS AND URSULA ANDRESS. “PLAYBOY ON THE 
TOWN" IN COPENHAGEN AND ON THE RIVIERA. “GIRLS OF RUSSIA 
AND THE IRON CURTAIN COUNTRIES.” AND THE CONTRIBUTIONS 
OF THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS GROUP OF WRITERS, ARTISTS AND AU- 
THORITIES APPEARING IN THE PAGES OF ANY MAGAZINE IN AMERICA 
TODAY, INCLUDING SOMERSET MAUGHAM, BUDD SCHULBERG, 
IRWIN SHAW, HENRY MILLER, INGMAR BERGMAN, RAYMOND. 
CHANDLER, KEN W. PURDY, BEN HECHT, ran BEAUMONT, 
J. PAUL GETTY, HERBERT "GOLD, JULES ЕЕ! ARTHUR C. 
CLARKE, ALBERTO VARGAS, JOHN KEATS. "THOMAS MARIO, 
FREDERIC MORTON, VANCE BOURJAILY, ERICH SOKOL, GAHAN 
WILSON, FREDERIK POHL, RAY RUSSELL, NAT НЕМ ГОРЕ, LARRY 
SIEGEL, THEODORE STURGEON, RAY BRADBURY AND MANY MORE. 


“THE PLAYBOY PARODY”—THE MOST OUTRAGEOUSLY SATIRI- 
CAL AND FUN-FILLED ISSUE WE'VE EVER PRODUCED, IN WHICH THE 
EDITORS DEVOTE THE ENTIRE MAGAZINE TO A SPOOF OF PLAYBOY. 


DISTILLED LONDON DRY GIN. 90 PROOF. 100% GRAIN NEUTRAL SPIRITS. М. & А. GILBEY, LTD., CINCINNATI, OHIO 


Out-of-this-world for holiday entertaining 


From America to Zanzibar, Gilbey's Gin is the traditional favorite on the international holiday scene. Good reasons, 
too. It's dry (marvelous for Martinis)... smooth (Gibsons insist on it)... апа flavorful (just the taste to comple- 
ment tonic). In fact, it gives any gin drink an out of this world quality. Whether you're celebrating quietly. . . 
or having a party...make sure Gilbey's Gin is on hand. Taste why "the world agrees on 'Gilbey's, please'!" 


Are there any more at home like you? Sure are. 6 in every 6-pack. Gusto— Lut light and graceful. That's Schlitz: 


real gusto z 


in a great light beer 


стын on. Sent есіте Co. Miles, Win., Brooklyn, NY., Lot Anges and S