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ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN AUGUST 1966 « 75 CENTS 


PLAYBOY 


REV. WILLIAM HAMILTON 


BUNNIES OF DIXIE ‘aim ff 

"THE DEATH OF GOD" BY 3 Z Á mm 
INTERVIEW WITH H. L. HUNT d 

FURTHER ADVENTURES OF 


SECRET AGENT OY OY 7 4 
JANE FONDA IN THE BUFF di > 


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PLAYBOY 


Maybe we made a mistake in 1776. 


We gave up plenty when we broke off with the land of Bond and Beatles. We even had to create our own Mod look 
and give it our own name: “Modnicks”. Take it from the top: Granny print shirt with contrasting long-roll collar 
and British Imperial cuff-links. Other far-out patterns and colors, too. Low-rise cuff-less slacks with swing pockets 
and stovepipe legs. Extra-wide belt with square metal buckle. Good thing the Revolution killed that Stamp Tax; 
now you can get h.i.s Modnicks for just a few shillings. Shirts $5 to $6, including cuff links. Slacks $6 to $10, 
including the belt. For names of nearby retailers, write to h.i.s, 16 E. 34th Street, New York, New York 10016 


Modnick Slacks and Shirts by 


LS. 


WILSON 


HAYES 
PLAYBIL sumsuapE. first 
ate on our August. 
cover signals landlubber and salt alike to 
an ise packed to the gunwales with a 
rich cargo. of emera 1 for men 
Our lead fiction for August, Hello, 
Charlie, Goodbye, has been wrought by 
rraysoy’s Ken W. P 
ther luster to his already glowing reputa- 
tion 1 wier at home the 
nonfictive automotive milieu as well as a 
teller of fast seful con 
temporary y s currently at work 
combining both worlds—on the movie 
script For Day of the Champion. an amo- 
racing Hick starring Steve McQueen and 
based on The New Matadors, Ken's book 
on the subject. Hello, Charlie, Goodbye 
is illustrated by Marvin. Hayes, a 26y 
ving in X 


Tur 


wdy and adds fur 


xd Texan now 


old displ: 
York whose work has appeared in most 
major m and who considers 
illustration the most expressive, creative 
d uninhibiting medium in art today, 
Not since the days of Martin Luther 


azii 


ALLEN 


HAMILTON. 


and Hemy VIII has ndom bcen 
so deeply stirred it the 
headline grabbing "death-of.God" move- 
ment, a theological upheayal—de- 
nounced and defended from the pulpit 
and in the press—that has been fostered 
in large measure by the Reverend 
William Hamilton. a professor of the- 
ology at the Golgate-Rochester Divinity 
School. Dr. Hamilton, whose The Death 
of God in this issue clearly delineates his 
stand, is coauthor with Thomas J. J. 
Altizer of the recently published Radical 
Theology and the Death of God, was 
formerly dean of chapel at. Hamilton 
College. 
Uliraconservative muliibillioi 
the subject of this mo 
a country mile from 
s when he wa 
n Francisco and got out of 
town just before the carthquake to try 
his luck as a sem 1 player in 


nearly shang 


apparently the only time he ever 
struck out. 

Here a fresh missive [rom Sol 
Weinstein, creator of Israel. Bond and 


intrepid author. of Secret Agent Oy Oy 
Seven's latest outrageous adventure, On 
the Secret Service of His Majesty the 
Queen, in this issue: "About to celebrate 
©) my 38th. birthday. Signs of encroach- 


ing decay ave undeniable. Wa 
Mack's Amateur Hour the other night 
and enjoyed it. Worse, sent in card prais- 
ing Zoe Potocki School of Modern 
Tap of Sandusky, Ohio, whose 15 youi 
ladies displayed remarkable precision in 
all falling down at the same time. Nestor 
Prothro, the balloon squcczer who did 
George M. Cohan medley, wis also 
grear. His Majesty the Queen will be 
out in fulllengtli paperback in the fall, 
courtesy of Pocket Books, It will be fol- 
lowed by You Should Only Live and 
Not Die—Altogether, the last (oi veh) 1s- 
rael Bond thriller.” Our own count 
espionage agents have uncovered plans 
afoot to make Israel Bond movie 


azz 


hero, with the distinct possibility of 
Woody Allen playing the Hebr 
Hercules. 


Isracl Bond or no, bespectacled boy 
wonder Woody Allen, who has cmiched 
this issue with a tongue-incheck chron- 
ide of practical jokery, The Discovery 
and Use of the Fake Ink Blot, is omni 
present, In. the are ihe Allen 
movies: Ian Fleming's Casino Royale, in 
which he'll play one of the leading roles: 
Take the Money and Run, which he 
wrote and in which he'll star; and What's 
Up Tiger Lily?, a Japanese film for which 
he wrote new gag dialog. A play of his, 
Dowt Drink the Water, is about to be 
produced by Max Gordon, and a series 
of ABCTV specials is upcoming 
When we asked Woody what he does in 
his spare time, he answered, "Catch my 
breath.” 

The Bunnies of Dixie takes a lom 
lingering, loving look at the hutch hon 
gs of Adanta and New Orleans. The 
French Fonda pictures Henr aghter, 
Jane, in a refreshingly Gallic appro: 
to moviemaking under the direct 
of her husband, Roger Vadim. Herbert 
Gold's moving My Father, His Father 
and Ben will orm part of his forthcom 
ing book, Fathers. t0 be published by 
Random House in the all. Jean Shep 
herd. our own Mt. Keen, ‘Tracer of Lost 
Youth, is with us with Mss Bryfogel and 
the Case of the Warbling Cuckold. Next 
month, Doublediy will publ 


works 


h Shep 
herd's In God We Trust; All Others Pay 
Cash, made up i art of pieces 
aynoy. Gahan 
ifie scifier, The Manuscript 
of Doctor Arness, is another fine example 
of Wilson's burgeoning talent as a com- 
pelling craftsman of the Gothic tale, al- 
though his macabre cartooning ellorts, 
fortunately for us all, have not slackened 
one whit. Welcome aboard! 


PLAYBOY. 


Arness’ Manuscript 


West's Wear 


GENERAL OFFICES: pavor nuiLoinc, 23h € 
CREDITS: COVER, wonti sissy av 


vol. 13, no. 8—august, 1966 


CONTENTS FOR THE MEN’S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


PLAYBILL. = 2 d 3 
DEAR PLAYBOY... -— eem 7 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS ee 2) 9) 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 33 
PLAYBOY'S INTERNATIONAL DATEBOOK —travel PATRICK CHASE 37 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM =- 39 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: H. L. HUNT—candid conversi 47 


HELLO, CHARLIE, GOODBYE—fi KEN W. PURDY 62 
THE FRENCH FONDA—pictorial E 66 
THE MANUSCRIPT OF DOCTOR ARNESS—fiction GAHAN WILSON 73 
THE LIGHT ITALIAN HAND—food THOMAS MARIO 74 
ON THE SECRET SERVICE OF HIS MAJESTY THE QUEEN—porody SOL WEINSTEIN 76 
THE DEATH OF GOD-— opinion THE REVEREND WILLIAM HAMILTON 79 
GO WESTERN, YOUNG MAN—attire ROBERT L. GREEN 80 
PICTURE PLAYMATE — ployboy's playmate of the month. . 96 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor 94 
MY FATHER, HIS FATHER AND BEN—fiction HERBERT GOLD 97 
THE DISCOVERY AND USE OF THE FAKE INK BLOT—humor. WOODY ALLEN 99 


THE BUNNIES OF DIXIE— pictor 
THE NEW LINEN LOOK —attire. cdm 
GENTLEMAN JULEP—drink — THOMAS MARIO 115 
THE CASE OF THE WARBLING CUCKOLD —humor. JEAN SHEPHERD 117 
AN UNUSUAL CURE FOR A PAIN IN THE EYE—ribald classic ng 
THE HISTORY OF SEX IN CINEMA—article ARTHUR KNIGHT and HOLLIS ALPERT 120 


essay ss. 


ROBERT L. GREEN 113 


SYMBOLIC SEX—humor. DON ADDIS 129 


HUGH M. HEFNER editor and publisher 
A. C. SPECTORSKY associate. publisher and editorial director 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 


JACK J. KESSIE managing editor VINCENT T. TAJIRI picture editor 


SHELDON WAN senior editor; PETER ANDREWS, FRANK DE MOIS. MURRAY FISHER, NAT 
LEHRRMAN, WILLIAM. MACKLE associate editory: ROBERT V. GREEN fashion d. 
DAVID TAYLOR asociate fashion editor; TOMAS mawo jood © drink 
‘ATRICK CHASE Gravel edilor; J. PAUL GEWY contributing editor, business & finance; 
CHARLES BEAUMONT, RICHARD GEMAN, KEN W. PURDY contributing editors: 
ARLENE. WOURAS Cupy chief: ROGER WIENER assistant editor; WY CHAMIRLAIN in 
sorinte picture editor: MARUYN GKALOWSKE assistant picture editor; MNOO CASUAL 
LARRY CORDON. J MARRY O'ROURKE, POMPEO POSAR, MESAS CRRA, JERRY YULSU AN. staff 
photographers; SWAN MALINOWSEE contributing photographer: wim MAUSUN iso 

NG. MICHAEL SALISBURY, JONS CARAFOLI Jor Fw ZI 


ciate art director; ny 
assistant art directors; WALTER KRMDENYCH, ARF MCEALLAR d). assistants: JONN 
Maso production manager; ALLEN varco assistant production manage! 
PAT raras rights and permissions © HOWARD W. LEDERER advertisin 
Josrru FALL, advertising manager; JULES KASE associate advertisin 
SUFRMAN. KEAIS Chicago advertising manager: poser GUNTER detroit ais 
tiing manager: XVISON reren promotian director; MUY ronson publicity 
manager; mysy wys public relations manager; aXsox Mount public 
affairs manager; TUFO FREDERICK personnel director; JANEY viLcRIM reader 
service; WALIER MOWARTIL subscription fulfillment manager; VIDON siirus 
special projects; ROBERT S. PRELSS business manager & circulation director. 


director: 
T; 


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DEAR PLAYBOY 


EJ) avvress pLavsoy MAGAZINE + 232 E. OHIO ST., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


ARTHUR, ARTHUR! 

I found your May interview immense- 
ly interesting. Profesor Arthur M. 
Schlesinger, Jr., hits any number of nails 
on the head. E was particularly pleased 
to find him nailing “the idea that com- 
munism is a great coordinated entity. all 
centrally controlled.” [ am sure he is 
ight in m that “within the 
Communist. empire there are all kinds 
of national divergencies and antagonisms 
nd conllicting interests" The Com 
munist empire is like our capi 
pire in this poim—and it ought to be 
Ley point for policy makers. My ex- 
peaation is tha, if Vietnam were 10 
be reunited under. Ho Chi. Minh’s lead- 
ership, his Communist regime would be 
more elfective barrier 10. Communist 
ina's expansion. southward than the 
Armed Forces of the United States can 
ever be. Ho Chi Minh is. I believe, a 
potential counterpart. lor China, to what 
Tito is for Russia 

I suspect that China, as well as Russia, 
is glad to see the United States. em- 
broiled in Vietnam. China wants Amer- 
ica to be in troubles and America's 
trouble in Vietnam is at Vieinam’s ex- 
pense, not China's. This is convenient for 
China in the short run, but in the long 
run it will surely buill up resentment 
gainst China in Vietnam. After all, Chi- 
na. not America, is Vieinam's traditional 
bugbear. 


alist em 


Arnold Toynbee 
The Royal Institue 

of International Affairs 
London, England 


Mr. Schle remarks, on the 
whole, present one of the most intelli 
gent and reasonable approaches 10 social 
nd political problems that we face to- 
day. Hi 1 
type of communism existing in eastern 
Europe were verified at a recem meeting 
of the American Philosophical Associa: 
tion. After an Ameri »pher 
gave a citique of dialectical material- 
ism, the official philosophy of commu- 
nism, a Polish philosopher remarked that 
some of these criticisms were now being 
made by the Polish philosophers and 
other philosophers in castern Europe 
Although Fm in basic agreement with 


nger’s 


comments about a more lib 


» philos 


question his posi 
Schlesinger 


n on certain matters. 
claims that beyond civil 
rights it is dificult to know what student 
protest organizations really want. I won- 
der if. Mr. Schlesinger has had any per 
sonal experience speaking with members 
of these organizations or attending their 
meetings. As Liculty advisor 10 the S. D. S. 
chapter on our campus, [ have been im- 
presed with how deeply involved these 
students are in local, national and i 
ternational issues, eg. fair housing. 
poverty programs and the moral issues 
of the war in Vietn 

Although I agre 
criticisms of our Tore 
ing the Domini 


with Schlesinger’s 
an policy concern- 
and the war in 
Vietnam, I must point out that Johnson. 
McNamara and Rusk were selected. by 
john F. Kennedy 
Edward D'Angelo, Assistant 
Profesor of Philosophy 
University of Missouri 
Kansas City, Missouri 


à cri 


In the sume way that President Ken 
nedy distinguished his Administration by 
bringing to it such a preeminent histor 
an as Arthur Schlesinger, Jr. so à mass 
circuluion magazine such as PLAYBOY 
distinguishes itself and serves our repub. 
lic when it offers its millions of readers 
Schlesinger’s thoughts on the important 
issues of our times. 


Leon A. Harris, Jr 
Dallas, Texas 
Your interview with Schlesinger is 


superb. The com on of an inter- 
viewer who did his homework and an 
interviewee who is as brilliant: and 
knowledgeable as Schlesinger is unbeat 
able. | wonder what Schlesinger's for 
mula for success is. Is it his excellent 
fling system? Is it an unusually retentive 
memory? Is it a determination to know 
almost everything and by proper use of 
this knowledge to help save the world? 
At any rate, I would Tike to hase the 
formula. Your interview revealed once 
more the extraordinary qualities of the 
author of A Thousand Days. 
Seymour E 
Litauer Professor of 
Political Economy, Eme 
Harvard University 


Harris 


most of Schilesinger’s views, I would La Jolla, California 
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As a mere grassroots undergraduate, 
I would be foolish to take with 
Arthur summa cum laude Schlesinger, 
Jr.. in arguing the future of the Repub. 
lican Party. 1 have, however, become fed 
up listening to people like the hero of 
vour May interview as they tell us that 
the minority party is about to fall into 
the hands of the liberals. The boy won- 
der from Harvard may have done a good 
job in talking his Administration out of 
its gross negligence in dealing with the 
Cubans in 1961, bur his prophecy that 
the Republican Party will represent the 
liberals in 1968 is another surike-out for 
this .167 political hitter. 

David T. Pomeroy 

Birmingham, Michigan 


The interview with Arthur Schlesinger, 
]r. in the May issue of rLaynoy is one 
of the most instructive political inter- 
changes of recent years. Your interviewee 
is devoted to a world of diversity, and 
he can quote John F. Kennedy on this 
And. like him, Schlesinger can and does 
take seriously the political audacity of 
diverse. leaders, from Gandhi to De 
Gaulle. There are n 
cess, and one wonders whether the cult 
of succes in a pluralistic world will 
serve as the real faith, the real resolve, of 
those who can hope to attain it 
consider all other faiths purely nominal 
Schlesinger asserts that all the traditional 
Faiths have lost their punch 
Does he. then, have admiration chiefly 
for “the ability to cope" in a tricky situa- 
tion? When he attributes so much of that 
to the late President Kennedy, to whom 
is he really confessing faith? The politi- 
cab professor is far too sophisticated not 
to balance the ineptitudes of the late 
President in the total equation. Schle 
pers earlier extravagant estimate of 
the lare Secretary Morgenthau had a 
similar bearing. Perhaps the truth is that 
a potential candidate needs faith in 
those whose success will render his own 
more plausible, at least in his own esti- 
mation. In a word, Professor Schlesinger 
is running for office, but would. nor en- 
joy the positions he could achieve, and 
will not achieve the one he most respects. 
Robert F. Creegan, Chairman 
Department of Philosophy 
State University of New York 
Albany, New York 


ny models of suc 


id who 


COSTAS ACCLAIMED 

Bravo! The article Brava Costas! in 
your May issue was most enlighten 
wondered when would pet 
around to publicizing this splendid 
place. No offense to the author, but 
Sitges, the so-called "rest stop” town, can 
be anything bui a resting place from the 
other playgrounds there. 1 spent many 
happy weeks there from 1960 to 1965. It 
is comparable to Cadaqués and Torre 
molinos. Im addition to the outdoor 


LAYBOY 


a and the Ma 
sundown to sunup 


discotheque of La Cab; 
there are 
international bars and other 
thiques in Sitges. However, the article 
was superb. France and Italy had best be 
careful. for the 


countless: 
disca- 


prices cannot. be. com 
pared with the Costs 
Charles M. Napier 

, Washington 


SPRINTS WINNER 
rravsoy has had many great stories in 
the past, but Tom Mayer's The Eastern 
Sprints [May] tops them all. He has 
captured. the essence of crew. But then, 
Mayer ought to be an authority—he was 
quite à crew jockey at both Andover and 
Harvard. Let's see more of his work 
John A. Casey 
Stanford, Californi 


Tom Mayer's short story The Eastern 
Sprints was the first elleciively written 
rowing yarn to appear in many years. 
We felt that Mayer's ule, appearing as 
it did in your magazine, indicates a re 
newed interest in America's oldest sport 
We were glad to sec Mayers story in 
rrAvnOv, even if he did make M. 1 T 
lose. 


he Lightweight Varsity 

Massachusetts Institute 
of Technology 

Cambridge, Massachusetts 


CAPITAL PUNISHMENT 

1 have read Capital Punishment: The 
Barbaric Anachronism, by Michael D 
Salle, which appeared in the May issue 
of your magazine, and fecl it is excellent 
Governor DiSallés thought-provoking 
and historical documentation of capital 
punishment has shed. new light on this 
highly important and. controversial sub- 
jea 


Jennings Randolph 
United. States Se 
Washington, D. C. 


te 


In my rather wide reading in the field, 
T have never seen a better indictment of 
official as opposed to unofficial murder 
{which is what capital punishment really 
is) than Governor DiSalle's article, which 
epitomizes and reinforces his recent book 
on the same subject. 

As a longtime writer about crime, in 
both fact and fiction, 1 h 
creasingly convinced that the only reason 
lor the retention of capital. punishment 
is the satisfaction 
sometimes subconscious) for retribution 
—a primitive emotion—and that ihe op: 
ponents of its abolition seldom actually 
believe that it is a deterrent. 1 am quite 
certain that nobody was ever held back 
from committing a murder by the 
thought that if he were caught he might 
himself be killed. Sixty years ago my 
late husband, Maynard Shipley, in his 
extensive writing on the history of the 
death penalty, cited the prevalence of 


e become in. 


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The Beer that made Milwaukee Famous 


Croton 


PLAYBOY 


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yachting timer, 
tachometer, 
time zone watch, 
aviator’s watch, 
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WATCHES SINCE 1878 


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pickpockets in the throngs who watched 
a pickpocket hanged. Governor. DiSalle 
in. All the con «c ol 
4| punishment can do is ensure us 
inuing supply of murderers. men 
men who revert 19 the primitive 
impulse to Kill, turn provi 
society with a vicarious catharsis. 
Miriam Allen deFort 
San Francisco, California 


cited it 


nd who 


By vote of the people in 1961, Oregon 
bolished capital punishment. and 1am 
pleased that this step was taken, for I 
truly believe, as does Governor DiSalle, 
that this form of punishment does not 
curb. crime 


Governor Mark O. Hatfield 
lem, Oregon 


1 read Governor DiSalle’s article with 
imerest and am pleased to have the in 
formation lor my files. Thanklully, Wis- 
consin has no problem in this area. as 
our constitution specifically provides that 
io cruel or unusual. punishment shall be 
inflicted 


Governor Wa P. Knowles 
Madison, Wisconsin 
Wisconsin has no problem not because 
of constitutional prohibition. of cruel 
aud unusual punishment, which is in- 
cluded in Article VUL of the United 
Slates Bill of Rights, but because it is 
one of the B enlightened states that have 
abolished the death penalty, Article 
PHI has proved no deterrent in those 
states that still. inflict capital punish 
ment. 


The case against capital punishment 
should be entirely convincing to any 
onc who will analyze it dispassionately. 
Governor Michael DiSalle sum. 
e ellectively in PLAYBOY, 


ormer 
zes the ca 


m 
but could have spared readers the lurid 


details of revolting methods of execu 
used. in other t d other cult 
To show that capital punishment has no 
place in our culture in our time needs 
ho appeal 10 emotion. 

Voluntary agencies that protect society 
by aiding in rehabilitating those offend- 
ers who can be salvaged are in accord 
with criminologists and penologists who 
are thoroughly convinced that capital 
punishment is a failure as à. deterrent, 
other 


n 


and is defensible 

The Correctional Service Federation 
U. S. AL composed of 20 voluntary agen 
cies that have been dealing with all 
sorts of offenders for ny. ma 
recently adopted. this resolution 


tal punishment should and must bc 
abolished." 
We must find some better way to curb 


the killers than by committing deliberate 
murder ourselves. 
Mrs. Ruth Baker, Executive Director 
Correctional Service 
Federation U.S.A. 
Milwaukee, Wiscon: 


I read Michael DiSalle’s Capital Pun 
ishment: The Barbarie Anachronism 
with much interest and with full 
ment so far as the abolition of capital 
punishment is concerned. Thanks for 
making it available. 

John Sparkman 
United States Senate 
Washington, D. € 


ee 


All men have a right to humane jus: 
tice, until they forfeit that right by act 
ing inhumanely. ds this any dillerent 
from the right of self preservation that 
allows us to use all necessuv force to 
protect lile and property? 1 believe that 
capital punishment is an extension of 
the justice inherent in self- preservation 

Arthur King 
Honolulu, Hawaii 


pily stat. 


As George Bernard Shaw sc 
ed in Man and Superman, "Criminals do 
not die by the hands of the law. They 
dic by the hands of odi ncn." 

Lester Taylor 
Kansas Ci 


Missouri 


L was most impressed by DiSalle's refu 
tation of capiral punishment, the most 
persuasive article on the subject E hase 
ever read. E wish everyone in the country 
could be exposed to this kind of think 
ing. PLavnoy is to be highly commended 
lor coming to grips with contemporary 
social problems as few publications have 
ever attempted. 10 in meaningful 


way. 
Foster Gunnison. Jr 
Hartford, Connecticut 


1 did not bother t0 read. Michael Di 
Salle's article, because to say that capital 
punishment “neither curbs crime nor 
henefits society" is unter nonsense. A 
dead chief can no longer steal, a dead 
murderer can no longer kill. There 
two benefits 10 society right there, not n 
mention il 
the population explosion. 

S. C. Wentworth 
Bronxville, New York 


aid given w the control of 


DREAM ARTICLE 

Ira Cohen's April 
of Drenms gives the prosaic Ame 
insight into a world that. is dx 
by Anslinger-influenced Narcotics Bu 
reau cops on the one hand and Anthony 
Comstock on the other, Mr. Col 
wind up being decorated by the Mor 
cam Tourist Bureau—for he has. made 
majoon attractive 10 the men and women 
who wish 1o escape from the trafic, the 
smog and the realities of. American lile 
The price of escape is an air ticket 10 
Marrakech or Fez and Cohen's guide to 
the world of kif and ma 
found in his article 

The Goblet of Dreams will 
bureaucrats of the Narcotics 


cle The Goblet 
nan 


may 


1 


on, which is 


give the 
Bureau 


keteer goes along as he sets his sights on the good lif 
Exe Browning to his fine gun collection. This lav 
argues t rits of wool s 
luxurious hand, city-coun 
double-breasted sport coat in the classic tradition, even to double 
ickey & Sons loomed the autumn wheat hop: 


nd the warm tweed plaid for co-ordinated slacks 
et, $45 and slacks, r more information writ 
166, American Wool Council, 570 Seventh Ave., 
New York, N. Y. 10018. 


PLAYBOY 


16 


If you can make toast... 


you can now 
make great movie: 


The kobena Super 8 is a remarkable new 
movie camera that uses instant load fi 
and offers fantastic opportunities for imagi- 
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nical thinking for you (forget about loading, 
winding, exposure problems) and allows 
you to concentrate on that gorgeous doll in 
your viewfinder. An excellent way to meet 
potential starlets (you can even get better 
acquainted with your own kids!). kobena 
Super 8 movie cameras from $59.50 to 
$159.50. See them at your photo dealer or 
write for free folder, (Hurry — you may have 
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many bad moments, High on the list of 
prohibited drugs in this counmy is mari 
juana, the American variety of kif. Many 
à man aguishing in pris 
on bec possession, sale or usc 
The enforcement eltort against marijuana 
in this coi been. frequently 
justified bec is charged, the use of 
marijuana tempts one w uy hemi 
in other words, serves as an 
n to heroin addiction. Que may 
e for the suppression 
arijuana itself is not 
ad there is no Y 
heroin use and the 


has 


amero 


cess; 


aniele is valuable for his 

us into the uses by an older civili 
smion of a drug that pro 
scribed in this country. Somehow, that 
older civilization has survived the use ol 
kif. Tt raises the ques to whether 
we should not reassess our attitudes 
toward a relatively commonplace drug. It 
may well be that alcohol should not be 
our only legal escape from rc 
Morris Ploscow 
Counselor at 1 
New York, New York 


is sev 


rely 


aph has appea 
ish 


practically 
great num 


wspapers a 
her of Danish. magazines. 

The picture shows the Danish Minis 
H. E. Victor Gram, and 


iding Ollicer of the Danish Con 
SON) with the United Na. 
prus (UNFICYP). It 
hall for the Danish 
o Lourouj 


was taken 
soldiers at 
(south of Nico 
Major O. H. M. baron. Haxthausen 
Public Infor ion Officer 
DANCON. UNFICYP 
Nicosia, Cyprus 


PLAYMATE. FIRST CLASS 
à photographer and a GI 
whose job it is to take pictures for the 
United States A 1 would like to 
compliment your magazine from a some 
what professional as well as a reader's 
viewpoint, PLAYHOY is, to the soldier, al 
most as good as a letter from home or 
from that one special girl, PLAYBOY 
brightens the life of many Gls far from 


home, where their biggest job is just 10 
stay alive. When your May issue. fea 
tured Jo Collins in Playmate First. Class 
Jo Collins in Vietnam. | know that she 
made Company B. 503rd Infantry, 17rd 
Airborne I 
m ihe U.S. Ar 
serves a medal for p 

Pic. Michael R. Everett 

U. 5. Army Signal Corps 

Fort Mc h, New Jersey 


After reading Hugh Hefners admir 
able statement t a Saturday Evens 
Post reporter that “I'm sick about Vier 
nam. ... b think this country is 
on a very moral ideal, and that we're 
our best when we're closest t0 thai— 
which we're dearly not in Vi ear 
found it hard to understand the super- 
patriotic, platitudinous business of Jo 
Collins in Vietnam. That Mi. Hefner 
should encourage. such a venture lor the 
glorification of his magazine amon 
captive audience and at the sime time 
tell the Post diat “the free press isn't liv- 
ing up to its responsibilities” would be 
ly one more discouraging example of 
free press” hypocrisy if so much were 
not at stake. One can only conclude th 
Mr. Hefners prin one th 
PLAYBOY'S profit 


ed 


N age 
New York, New York. 
Hefners attitude toward America's 
role in the Vietnamese war is unequivo- 
cally clear and unchanged. But the fact 
that he does not endorse our Govern 
ments policy in Vietnam has nothing 
to do with his support of American 
soldiers stationed there; anything he can 
do to bring some jay and surcease into 
their lives, he will gladly do, as evidenced: 
by Jo Collins trip. 


The visit of Jo Collins, Playmate of 
the Year, to Vietnam and the 17rd Air 
bome Brigade was the pleasant 
and exciting event of the year for the 
Brigade paratroopers. She was rcc 
enthusiastically everywhere she appeared 
Undaunted by the tropical heat, the dust 
and rigors of moving by Toot, jeep. bus 
and helicopter, she spent many long and 
tiring hours traveling about, talking with 
the troops and nograplis. She 
visited the hospitals in the Bien Hoa arca 
id at one hospital she talked with every 
patient and phat à photograph 
of herself for each of them. The hospital 
commander commented 10 me that the 
morale of his ts had been lifted 
threefold by her appearance there. 
Thank you for the support of our 
efforts here in Viernam. You have helped 
immensely to enhance the morale of the 
men of this elite can fighting unit. 
Major Roosevelt Wilson, U. S$. A. 
ant Executive. Olficer 
c Brigade 
cisco, Califor 


most 


Could it be any other way? A Honda 
takes so easily to formal affairs. The 
perfection, the sophisticated styling 
are obvious. Everybody knows Honda 
is in a class by itself. 

Prices start about $215* 


Upkeep 


FREE: Color brochure, write American Honda Motor Co., Inc., Dept. LS, Box 50, Gardena, California 90247. 


is held to a minimum. And you've 14 
models to choose from. The biggest 
selection in the business. Ride a 
Honda. Even if only for a run around 
the block. You wouldn't look right on 
anything else. 


*Plus dealer's transportation and set-up charges. 


You meet the nicest people on a Honda. 


© 1966 AHM 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


e can remember a time when en- 
Wicie were useful carriers of pri- 
vare messages—enclosed within. We also 
remember, sene of 
those dear old goklen-rule days wh 
could print S W A G B K across the 

letters, to assure 


with a 


back of our "persona 
the addressee that our sentiments were 
Sealed With A Great Big Kiss. But such 
romantic didos were kid stuff compared 

nt 


with the comtemporary art of imp 
ing envelopes with Mad Ave ads and pa- 
wiotic catch phrases. The once-homey 
postal cancellation, consisting solely of 
the postal station of origin (Stuyvesant, 


Calumet Park, Kedzi e. Lincoln 
Heights, Ambassador, Gramercy Park 
and the dike), has become 3 vehicle 


for sloganeers of every stripe. urging us 
to “Pray for Peace,” “Keep California 
Green," "Buy U.S. Bonds" "Support 
Your Mental Health Association,” “Own 
Your Share of American Business.” "Visit 
the U.S. A." "Give the United Way" and 
even “Be Librarian.” While many of 
these exhortations are of themselves in- 
nocuous, they do destroy a certain sense 
of privacy the mails should foster. The 
lover awaiting a billetdoux from his be 
loved, for example. ought not to be told, 
“Report Obscene Mail to Your Postmas- 
ter.” He has better things to do—some, 
possibly, considered obscene by the post- 
al authori 
Two citizens we know find these post- 
I imprints so objectionable that they've 
decided to do something about them. 
Irwin Gooen, a Brooklyn photographer, 
and his partner, Mrs. Judy Koch, arc dis- 
tributing ti-establishment en- 
velope stickers under the nonsense name 
of Zpod Enterprises. The heckling mes- 
sages, which you stick on the envelopes 
yourself, are designed to counter the effect 
of officially sanctioned Governmental, in 
stitutio 


I slogans, Says 
Gooen g against the in- 
direct pressures brought to bear by the 
postal authorities to conform to some 
sort of belief in religion and 
form to a sexually purit 


Iso to con- 
cal image. 


Thanks to Gooen and Koch, the non- 
conformist postal patron can now thumb 
his nose at the authoritics with his own 
little moral, political, religious, social or 
antisocial message 

ng from Zpod's list of gummed 
nottocs (400 for S2). most of the 
and cheerfully 


sa A GREET THE DAY 
WITH A SMILE—AND GET IT OVER WITH; 
MIKE THE MORALLY HANDICAPPED, IF YOU 
DRIVE DON'T DRINK—YOU MAY HIT A BUMP 
AND SPILL THE WHOLE THING; PRAY FOR 
OBSCENE MAIL; THIS LETTER MAY NOT ME 
OPENED FOR POSTAL INSPECTION; This 
LETTER GUARANTEED TO CONTAIN NO LEWD, 
LASCIVIOUS. OUSCENE, DIRTY, PORNOGRAP 


IC OK RELIGIOUS MATTER; FAMILIARITY 
BREEDS: SUPPORT THE COPULATION FXPLO- 
ston; and one that forethoughtfully 


provides lor those who feel that Zpod is 
ying to institutionalize what should be 
a spontancous—even childish—impulse: 
HELP STAMP OUT ENVELOPE STICKERS. 


Fortunes of War Department: “Many 
beddings." reports Women’s Wear Daily, 
are being moved forward because the 


bride's fiancé is about to be drafted into 
service 
Producer Irvin Arthur, wc learn, 


putting together a 90-minute 
film consisting entirely of “cor 
tions” for old B movies from the Thirt 
ad Forties. The name of the flick, of 


course, will be Trailer Camp. 


^ | Jackson, Mis 
sissippi, as we go to press, is an inspira- 
tional ballad entitled Jesus Is God's 
Atomic. Bomb. 


p the hit parade 


In Britain's New Statesman, a cor- 


respondent writes on “good authority" 
that “when Dorothy and Harold Mac 
müllan were lunching in Paris with 


Charles and Madame de Gaulle, Doro- 
thy Macmillan, after expressing her ad. 
on for the achievements of De 
aulle, asked Madame de Gaulle, "What 


mir 


are you looking forward to now? M: 
dame de Gaulle, in a clear and. penetrat- 
ing voice, replied: "A penis.” A cera 
frisson went round the table. De Gaulle 
broke the embarrassed silence by saying, 
“My dear, E think the English don't pro- 
now 


«c the word quite like that. It's not 
"a penis" but “appi 


Offbeat epicures would seem to be 
welcome at the Dunes restaurant in 
Corpus Christi, which ran an ad in the 
Corpus Christi Caller inviting diners to 
“come as you are, bathing suits or biki- 
nis, drink soft drinks or beer and eat hot 
dogs, hamburgers and children on red 
wood table 


av of Death. 


Chicago fu- 
IN REAR 


The Discreet American V 
Sign wen on the door of 
neral parlor: DELIVERIES 


A Vietnamese draft board, says The 
Saigon Post, is still wondering what t6 
do with the following leuer, which it 
received not long ago from a local firm: 
"We beg vou to exempt our employee 
Lc Van Sao. He is the only man left in 
our pla 

on with 15 inexperienced girls.” 


at. and ar the moment is carrying 


An imaginative entrepreneur in Mi 
ami has concocted a soft drink combin- 
ing the best elements of prune juice and 
tangerine nectar. The murky beverage is 
provocatively dubbed “Prune and 
Miami radio listeners, long accustomed 
10 advertising assaults on their sense 
are reportedly responding eagerly to 


sexy female voice that suggestively in 
quires: "Have you had your Prune-tang 
today? It makes you feel so000 good." 


many of 


Like televisions Top Ten 
shows, Batman seems destined to become 
an international hit when it goes 
syndication. overseas. dutifully dubbed 
with a dozen tongues. The elemental 
language of “BIF! “BAMU ow!” 
is probably universal, suspect 
that the series ma 


into 


but we 


lose something i 


19 


PLAYBOY 


20 


Great new taste, 
rich aroma... 
pipe tobacco does it. 


Enjoy Americas 
besttasting 
pipe tobacco in 
a filter cigarette! 


product She hreucan Bacco Company sare. 


tanslation—though perhaps name 
only. In Germany. for example. the 
caped crusader would strike terror into 
the hearts of criminals everywhere as the 
redoubtable Fledermaus-Mensch,  Some- 
what more mellifluously, he would be 
known to French fans the debonair 
Chauvesouris-Homme, to Italian Migh- 
camp followers as the picaresque Pipis 
tello-Uoma and t0 Chinese viewers 
as the sage Bien-fu-jen. However, in 
Lithuar bly enougi 
almost un 
slmosparnis- But our super- 
hero's mouth-filling moniker on Polish. 
IV would be the musical challenge. of 
the dots Nietopei--Clowiek. Vets. see 
Neal Hefti, composer of The Batman 
Theme, put that to music 


First come, first served: A want ad in 
Wisconsin's Kenosha News requested the 
services of a "Young attractive girl—io 
be frozen 5000 Ibs. of ice. No experi- 
ence necessary. Apply in person at the 
Mid-City Outdoor Th 


On a recent trip to Czechoslovakia 
friend of ours asked a restaurant owner 
if the capitalistic custom of tipping was 
permitted. “It is not allowed,” the man 
told him, “but it is not forbidden 


In Los Angeles, a man was arrested 
on charges of swindling two department 
stores out of 529,000, In a search of his 
apartment, police found a manuscript 
adorned with rejection slips from various 
publishers. Its title: The Master Swin- 
dlers 


Dircetly under a pagewide h 
in the San francisco Chrouicle—s 
SEXUAL RESPONSE IN 
a smaller headline x 
IN MG PILEUP. 


Express buses, according to Morris 
County, New. Je n, leave 
Race 


except. Fri.” Track fans will want to at 
range their schedules accordingly. 


y Futility: The electiic company 
in Palermo, Sicily, relates The Washing- 
ton Post, turned off a clients. power 
supply noc long ago for I 10 pay the 
bill. The client: Palermo gas comp: 


In one edition of the Los Angeles 
Herald-Examincr, Vy ath the usual 
"Personal" notices urging “girls in trou 
ble" to contact special hospitals and 
maternity services, we spotted an ad read 
ing: “Girls Not in Trouble—Ask for Lar 
ry at the Grape Vine, 14 Vine St^ 


Let Him Who Is Without Sin: Military 


lyst General S. L. A. Marshall, review 
Cornelius Ry; The Law Battle 


If Rose' is made for gimlets, 
what's it doing in a daiquiri? 


Our tropical limes are fickle lovers. 

Mix with gin. Perfect love. Ecstasy. Mix with rum. 
Why, it’s as good as with gin! (Oh cruel, fickle, West 
Indian lime.) 

Perhaps the tropics have something to do with ic? 
Maybe the hot Caribbean sun and the caressing sea 
breezes make our fat, luscious limes kind of restless. 
‘Theyare certainly the most devilish limes eversqueezed 
into a bottle. Their cart-sweet taste just seems to bring 
out the calypso in the most prudish of ingredients. 

We’ll continue to put the gimlet recipe on the 
Rose's Lime Juice bottle, like always. One part Rose's 
to 4 or 5 parts gin or vodka. Then we'll sit back and 
await the "Dear John" letters that go something like 
this: 2 parts light rum, 1 part Rose's, a dash of sugar, 
makes the best daiquiri I ever had. 

Sorry, gin. Poor gin. 


PLAYBOY 


22 


SMELLS GREAT! 


KINGS MEN... lusty ond full bodied with a hint of spice. NGS 
AFTER SHAVE, COLOGNE, PRE-ELECTRIC 1.25 

THISTLE & PLAID... Stirring and spirited as the Scottish 
Highlands with a hefty whiff of heather. coroane 1.50 

IMPERIAL GOLD... magnificently male with the bold © 
savagery of the Crusaders. AFTER SHAVE 2.50, COLOGNE 2.75 


SPARE RIB. Just one—and Man was in a ticklish situation. Think 
what ten ribs would’ve done. Combined with the bravado of an 


€ innocent young poorboy, in soft Shetland 
€ i] wool. Pure in color. Honest in intention. But 
TIT handsomely devilish in deed. Prospect sound 


SPORTSWEAR enticing? Wear one. And carry a spare. 


In Wheat, 

Bronze, Pine- 

wood, Teal, Cop- 

per. About $11.00. 

At Bamberger's, New- 

ark & branches, Martin's, 
Brooklyn & branches, and 
other fine stores. Or write 
FORUM, 303 Fifth Avenue, N. Y. 


The New York Times, found. fault 
of superla- 
cs, such as 
7 bi 


th the book's "redundauc 
tives and unhelpful adject 
‘murderous’ fire and ‘stu 
Marshall added the admot 
s on war should shun them 
like grim death 


Among Hollywood's men of distinc- 
tion, reports Universal's press depart- 
ment, is Joseph Bashra, whose name 
has never appeared on a marquee but 
whose prowess is known to all of 
fiimdom's | behind-the-camera 
Bashra is Hollywood's number-o 
cl humper. A native Egyptian, Bashra 
began humping camels 
Twenties for Rudolph V. 


two-humped—camels were a 
modity in Southern Califo 
the silent cra. Thanks 10 Ba 
unique skill, more easly available 
dromedaries weri ad still are, con 
verted into. Bactrians by the addition ol 
in extra hump made of uncured goat 

a balsawood frame 


skin stretched ove 
and covered with dyed nila hemp. A 
plastic fluid and water-filled rubber bal. 


re then stuffed beneath the 
goatskin to provide the natural move 
ments needed. “The dromed: e 
rown so used to my hump,” says Bash- 

that they feel naked and self-con 
scious before the cameras without € 
Though he stands alone as Hollywood's 
foremost camel humper, Bashra is not 
resting on his laurels. He's just finished 
his 146th screen assignment: humping a 
herd of camels for Universal's remake of 
Beau Geste, and he's currently busy per 
fecting double humps for hi d 
an be use 


loons 


ies 


s 


cows—so that the as camels 


» background shots. 


Hard-sell invitation purportedly post 
ed on a bulletin board at the Chicago 
Athletic Club: JOIN OUR FENCING CLASS. 
WE NEED NEW BLOOD. 


THEATER 


The musical Mame would seem to have 
all the ingredients of a supersmash 
heroine who has become an Ameri 
-up of cartooi 
characters, an accom: 
plished cast, colorful, showy costumes 
and a punchy, singable, beera 
dust title song by the man who wrote 
Hello, Dolly! But pariy becuse ol 


ish suppe 


adsaw 


s grediems, Mame is only 
lL-smash. The material is too famil- 
dy been a hit 
as a book, a pla ovie. ‘There 
are no surprises. The first and perhaps 
the second time the young orphaned 
Patrick Dennis was led by y-secre- 
tary Agnes Gooch into his wild Auntic 
Mame's chiebohemian Beckman Place 


pad, there was a thrill of anticipation; 
but even if he doesn't know what orgias- 
tic pleasures await him at his aunt's el- 
bow, by now everyone in the audience 
does. additional problem in the 
s playing 
the support are too strong. 
They tend to overwhelm Auntie. 
Connell, with a baggy body and startled 
face, is hilarious as Agnes. Beatrice 
Arthur, with the voice of a w 
and the disposition of 
outlindishly amusing as Mame's semi- 
permanent house guest, actress Vera 
Charles. And Frankie Michaels as the 
young Patrick is that rarity, a child actor 
who is not self-conscious or pushy, and 
who can sing, act and nor look silly 
steering a grown woman around a dance 
floor. This year's Mame, Ang 
bury, still oflers martinis 10 t€ 
bel e education (nudity 
in the d nd the happy, free. 
full life (a x parties a week). But 
with her soft blonde hair, china-doll 
face and ingratiating stage manner 
Miss Lansbury is a nice Mame to have 
around the house, a mild Mame, a tame 
Ma convasted with Rosalind Rus 
scll's hard-edged camp queen. There are 
moments when, were it not for her styl- 
ish plumage (by Robert Mackintosh), 
Angela might fade right into the high- 
epping chorus. When she and Beatrice 
Arthur belt out Bosom Buddies—a Sade- 
by-Sade song of friendship wherein cach 
tries to outbitch the other—it is Miss Ar- 
thur who dominates. The score, by Jerry 
Herman, is tuneful and properly nostal- 
gic. The tide song is the bestin-show 
and also the best 1. thumped by 
banjos and sung and danced by Mame 
and a plantation. full of Southern belles 
and beaux. But most of the songs (and 
the dances) are not memorable enough 
and most of Herman's funny. lyrics are 
ny enough. The humor is in the 
lin the remains of the 


year-olds, 


nces 
dialog that authors Jerome Lawrence 
and Robert E. Lee have salvaged from 
their play d from Patrick Dx 


book, which mcans that too ni 
fun is re-rerw 
l6 


At the. Winter 


Broadw 


MOVIES 


Monica Vitti, with the n of Scorpio 
tooed on her left thigh, would give 
Modesty Bloise a rather exotic air if it had 
nothing else, but it does live a good deal 
more to it. The British do have a way 
with spies, and although director Joseph 
Loscy's wild sortie into that fashionable 
movie genre will not send cinematic 
philosophers searching for profu 


ities, 
ition on the 
spyllick. The Brit et Service wants 
to protect $150,000,000 in diamonds on 
their way to a Middle Eastern sheik as 


SBACARDI IMPORTS, INC. MIAMI, FLA. RUM. 80 PROOF. 


He HT- DRY 


Jon 


| SACARDI 


fuperior 


Thank you, Mrs. Richardson, 
for running out of you-know-what. 


EE 
a 
Gentlemen: 


My husband and I always use Bacardi rum when we have 
Daiquiris (vhich ve love), but [ must confess that one 
of our favorite drinks over the years has been gin and 
tonic. That is, until about a month ago. 


We ran out of gin over the weekend, and my husband 
decided to try Bacardi and tonic. And that's vhy I'm 
writing this letter! 


Believe me, Bacardi and tonic [s one of the best tasting 
and most refreshing drinks we have ever had. It is very 
smooth, and there is something wonderful about the 
Bacardi that blends perfectly with the tonic--better 
than any other liquor ue know about. 


We are sold on this drink (it's tops!) and have since 
learned that several of our Friends have made the same 
discovery. I thought you would Like to know about it. 


Sincerely, ^ 


(xs) E 


ea Jac t oy) 


(Sn, decet past bought Thur 
Fads At da ban d e oh E 
| ety of acne. Qo rue aret la Veco i 


A 


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STARTED A TREN 


PLAYBOY 


24 


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payment [or oil concessions, and they 
hire Modesty (Mis Vitti) and her 
Cockney knile-throwing partner (Ter 
ence Stump) to see to it that the jewels 
don't fall imo the hands of the archest 
archerook yet devised for this kind of 
film, played with limp-wristed insouci- 
uice by Dirk Bogarde. He loves to drink 
something purple out of goblets with 
his shinbones and with 
goldfish swimming within, Modesty’s 
preference is for gowns lurid enough to 


stems as long 


make Hollywood garb seem drab. but 
no matter how long or how allcover 
ing, they are wonderlully removable. 


Her partner, Stamp. fancies a variety of 


wigs—and the pair of them change, she 
from black to blonde, he from blond 
10 black, ostensibly to keep the con- 
trasts coming as fast as the tricks in this 
film that tries to outgimmick the most 
gimmicky and comes near succeeding 
And despite Moesty’s shortcomings. 
Losey does have a zest for ribbing not 
only the genre bur his own picture. 
winding up with the most persistent 
cliché of moviedom—the race of the 
Marines (in this instance, read Bedouins) 
to the rescue. 

A Fine Madness, written by Elliott Baker 
Irom his novel of the same name and 
directed in bursts of real wit by Irvin 
Kershner, pus t0 final rest the base 
canard that Sean Connery can’t act any 
part besides 007. It even banishes the 
long-term rumor that Jean Seberg can't 
act at all. And most agreeably, it confirms 
the widespread. impression that. Joanne 
Woodward is a superb actress. Unfortu 
nately, this unusually deft and sprightly 
comedy, which might have qualified as 
satire. has been turned into burlesque by 


somebody with a heavy hand: and its 
too bad, because through it all, Baker 
and. Kershner are saying some trenchant 
th y. The 


story involves a roughhewn poet (Con 


gs about contemporary soci 


nery) who believes that women are lovely 
Hlowers who ought to open their petals. 
d they tend to agree with him in his 


specific ease. Forced by poverty imo the 
rugshampooing business, he nawrally 
meets a Jot of flowers. His second. wife 
(Woodward), none too bright but de 
voted, bails him out of most of the crises 
into which his freewheeling way of life 
gets him, In tight from a number of 
opened blossoms and from his first wile's 
lawyer, who wants alimony he can't pay 
Connery signs himself into a private 
sanitarium operated by Dr. Oliver West 
(Patrick O'Neal), a celebrated. psychia 
trist. Dr. West's bored wile, Lydia (Se 
berg). visits the place one day and finds 
the poet about to enjoy a ripple bath 
There follows such a funny sex event as 
the screen has rarely seen, with Connery 
d Seberg cavorting carnally in a giant 
shaking. roaring bathtub (a scene we 
showed you exclu 


vely in Sean Connery 


Strikes Again, vr avnov, July). Alas, Dr. 
West pops in at the wrong moment, with- 
draws unnoticed and wrathful, and pro- 
ceeds to schedule 1 lobotomy 
for the poet. Connery hurdles that 
hazard intact, not a whit subdued, and 
proves it last recl by literally 
Knocking his wife's block oll. U 
no doubt, but by then we a 
hard for the poct and his 
habits that most of u 

lieve in his conquest over medicin 
psychiatry and all of intruding society. 


In Up to Hin Ears, newest of Philippe de 
n Paul. Belmondo, look- 
but infinitely bored 


Harold Lloyd, flies rough ce air, lands 
on a Hong Kong sucet vendor's cart, 
huriles into a. basket. of oranges hanging 
from a porters pole and swings from 


beam to beam down the scaffolding of 
a new building, But when all the frenzy 
of activity is done, what bas one got 
whistle of admiration for the splendid 
color photography of Hong Kong and 
Ursula Andress (see Ursula, PLAYBOY, 
) and a chuckle or two. Obviously. 
De Broca has been looking at a lot of 
presonnd American. comedies, certainly 
et’s and Lloyd's and maybe a few 
Laureland-Hardy wo4cclers. But if he 
saw them, he hasn't take ient. no- 
tice of the remarkable sense of timing 
that made them work or of the substance 
of social frustration. and human ab 
surdity that underlay their more elective 
idiocies. In his story of a millionaire so 
surfeited with having everything he wants 
that he concentrates on suicide until a 
Chinese friend. makes him believe his 
life really is in danger, De Broci has 
vested more [ussiness of technique than 
basic humor. Perhaps it's the old trouble 
that comedy doesn't üavel well: but 
the reasons, Up to His Ears is 
skin than bones. 

aude Chabrol, the g 

n 

has never belore 
A mad- 


u 


wh 
more 


c 
the Nouvelle: Vague, 
Femmes in 1960, but 
been seen in the U 
dening, [rust is Chabrol's 
own favorite ian shopgitls— 
innocent, hopeful and som 
stupid —work a fe 
day in an eleen 

day is a purgatory of boredom, but when 
the girls spill out into the street at last, 
is only into more eventlul 
1 of purgatory. This is no springtime 
Paris for lovers but a hard, gray, worka- 
day Paris—bright necon brase 
fetid streets and the se 
entertainments of the poor 
dette Lafont) is a swinger, loud, tough 
and cager. She and Jacqueline (Clo- 
thilde Joano), a gente girl with a shy 
© picked up one night by a pair 
rians in a Cadillac convertible 


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After knocki round se gritty 
bars and restaurants, Jacqueline bails 
out. Jane, drunk and very disorderly, 
goes home with and petulantly accommo: 
tes both men on a creaky sofa. Next 
y we meet the other girls in the shop: 
Rita (Lucile Saint-Simon), who hopes to 
marry above her station, as they still say 
in Paris, and Ginette (Stephane Au- 
dran), whose secret is that she performs 
as a chanteuse nightly in a music hall. 
Jacqueline is already aware that a young 
man is following her around on a motor- 
cycle; he's been at it for we 
he has not had the courage to appro 
incé takes the 
g pool In a 
hilarious sequence, the wo vulgarians of 
the night before show up in embarra: 
ingly tight rented suits and start dun 
ing and otherwise harassing the girls. 
This provides the motorcyclistadmirer 


s jokes, holds hands and 
tells her he loves her. Thrilled a 
py. Jacqueline takes a w: 
into the woods, where they lie down to- 
gether and he Enough said. Les 
Bonnes Femmes is a perverse master- 
piece of irony. 


th him 


RECORDINGS 


A sterling example of warbling the way 
it should be done is to be found on 
Cormen McRoe Live ot the Village Gote / 
Women Talk (Mainstream). Miss McRac, 
abetted by a small group, does a trio of 
Newley-Bricusse songs from The Roar 
of the Greasepaint—The Smell of the 
Crowd, the lovely Academy Award w 
ner The Shadow of Your Smile and 
eight other tunes, all of which profit 
from their association with the songstress. 

Solid Ground / The Rod Levitt Orchestra 
ictor) gives further evidence that the 

iile group we appraised 


and 


going 
d is well on its way to getting there. 
Solid Ground is middle-ground jaz.— 
barriers but still work- 
inatively within the framework 
r forms. Leader Levitt has kept 
the ensemble and solo work equally en- 
gaging (trumpeter Rolf Ericson is a ma- 
Jor factor in the latter depa 


A 


The Shadow of Your Smile / Andy Willioms 
(Columbia) has taste with a capital T 
written all over it. Although Willi 
works with a half-dozen arrangers ( 
the composerguir&t Amonio Carlos 
Jobim on Meditation and How Insensi- 
tive), the impeccability of his approach 


always shines through, In addition to the 
title tune and the Jobim ballads, there 
are such dandies as That Old Feeling, 
Try to Remember, Yesterday and A 
Taste of Honey. A honey of an LP. 


Mack the Knife ond Other Berlin Theater 
Songs of Kurt Weill / The Sextet of Orchestra 
U.S.A, (Victor) is a melancholy offeri 
in that two of the recording artists have 


since died—reed man Eric Dolphy and 
trumpeter Nick Travis, who are heard on 
side performing three songs 


Mahagonny. The inepressible w 
that was Dolphy pervades ihe sesion 
The group, led by Michael Zwerin on 
ss trumpet, captures the feel of the 
Twenties in the Weill music but adds 
is own contemporary jazz sound. Side 
two, with songs from The Threepenny 
Opera and Happy End, finds Dolphy 1e- 
placed by Jerome Richardson—a fine 
musician in his own right—Travis by 


Thad Joncs and the piano of John Lewis 
by Jimmy Raney's guitar. Bassist Richard 


Davis and drummer Connie Kay supply 
the rhythm on both sides. A fine eltort 
by the Orchestra U.S. A. splinter group. 

Lawrence Welk & Johnny Hodges (Dot) is 
not, so help us, a put-on. The redoubt- 
able Rabbit—in front of Welk's lush 
stringed orchestra and charted by such 
stellar arrangers as Benny Carter, Russ 
jt and Marty Paich—finds a felici- 
oove for his liquid alto sax. The 
. for the most part, 


tous 
tunes are standards 
and there's not a "oneanda-two-and-a'" 
in a carload. 


Frenk Sinatra / Strangers in the Night (Rc- 
prise) proves once more that the old 
master still holds a hot hand. Besides 
serving up the smash tide tune (and 
only Sinatra could get away with using 

loobiedoobic-«doo'" a scat linc), 
nk, backed beautifully by Nelson 
Riddle, makes merry with a mixed bag 
of recent pop hits and sturdy perennials 
—lrom Summer Wind and Call Me to 
You're Driving Me Crazy and The Most 
Beautiful Girl in the World. The good 
old days, repackaged and ineled 
for stereo, have been pressed onto one 
LP, Frenk Sinetro's Greatest Hits—The Eorly 
Years (Columbia). Among the items cx- 
humed from the Columbia vaults: I've 
Got a Crush on You, Nancy, Sunday, 
Monday or Always and Put Your Dreams 
dway—each as glittering to 
it was etched. In the up-tempo depart 
ment, there y Cahn- Jule 
Styne corny burcatchy cá Saturday 
Night and Five Minutes More. For the 
"older" generation, the LP provides 
nifty nostalgia; lor the younger set, a 
splendid slice of the really big sound of 
another cra. 


as when 


hear De F 


Want to t, Richard 
Su 


compositions in the highest of fi? You 


ay their own 


cam, thanks to a marvelous pre-World 
War One invention, Edwin Welte's 
itely superior variation 
of the old player-piano recording process. 
There are over a dozen. albums by the 
above musical titans and others (part of 
the Welte Legacy of Recorded Treasures) now 
available through the mails from Record- 
cd Treasures, PO. Box 1278, North 
Hollywood, California (a note to them 
will get you a catalog of what's been 
recorded). The price per LP is steep— 
$12.50—but cach one is a collector's 
item, and the quality of reproduction of 
such artists as Paderewski and Josef Hof- 
stonishing, to say the least. 
Herold Sings Arlen (with Friend) (Colum- 
bia) showcases the master tunesmith's 
vocalizing (im Arlen's case, where therc's 
a will, there's almost a way). He's aided 
and abetted on a brace of ballads by Bar- 
bra Streisand—Ding-Dong! The Wich Is 
Dead (a5 a duet) and House of Flowers 
(volo). On tap are a slew of other Arlen 
stand-bys—Blues in the Night, My Shin- 
ing Hour, For Every Man There's a 
Woman and the now-classic A Sleepin' 
Bee, Arlen and his fine-feathered friend. 
can visit us any time. 


n 


Whether Charles Aznavour sings in 
English or his native French—and he 
does both on The World of Charles Aznavour 
(Reprise}—the communication is instan- 
tancous and complete. In this session, 
recorded live at Hollywood's Hunt 
Hartlord The ‘Sh has the 
g out of the palm of sa main 
ions 1G ways to make an Ameri- 
give and/or forget the activities 
nother Frenchman named Charles. 


Gals ond Pals (Fi debuts in this 
country a Swedish vocal group (three 
three women) very much in the 

. While ihe C & P ar 

emt nearly as inventive as 
oup's, these swinging Swedes 
rich sound and their choice 
of material is excellent. The voc 
gasbord is made up in part of Cast Your 
Fate to the Wind, Dat Deve, Lullaby of 
Birdland, the beautiful Midnight Sun 


and a fanktastic Sou]. Dance. 


It has been obvious to one and all (or 
should have been) for some time now that 
Lenny Bruce's main contribution to so- 
ciety is as a social commentator rather 
than as a comedian. Bruce transcended 
comedy for its own sake a long while 
ago. In Lenny Bruce Is Out Agoin (Philles), 
the beleaguered bane of the bluenoses 
at his most pereeptively incisive best, 
shattering contemporary hypocrisics with 
gleeful relish. Bruce gets at the roots of 
society's ambivalent attitude toward law 
enforcement (which he siys people con- 
fuse with the Iaw), demanding it for 
protection on the one hand and decrying 


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27 


it on the other (yelling “Gestapo” at a 
guy dressed in a short-sleeved shirt and 
g a stick, who turus out to be the 
n). Bruce's observations are invar- 
telling. On freedom of speech 
Knowledge of syphilis is 

on to get it" On mariju 
na will be legal in five year 


PLAYBOY 


st the law to do it 1o 
e are very Jewish 
Bruce alo runs through a wild 
Lone Ranger plavlet bi "um 
cowboy hero's never for a 
fin 


accept a present (anything 
wants) and he picks a Tonto doll. Why? 
rform tural act.” 

secret. is out. e Ra 
who we: mask because he h 
on underneath it. We'll cut out at this 
point and leave the rest of the goodies 
for your listening plea 


irc. 


BOOKS 


It’s odd that Walker Percy 
need introduc to re 
American fiction, but in view of the eye- 
dropper publicity given his 


Whatever you add HOOK Anari il 
: " goer, such is the ercy wi 
ne book in 1961, 

to your vodka drinks...start with | ics cer uit te 
The Last Gentleman . Straus & 
th t t : th roux), he has again wedded style to con- 
e patent on Smoothness. iena ai e Sa Taaie l 

Unfortunately. such a report ca 
reported. Percy is a serious, 
ind he has working for hig 
individual style and a firserne imel 
gence. His principals (Southe 

Percy is a Southerne 

concerned with wi 
about their Southern selves in this wide. 
ch ngi world. W on Bibb Bar 
the sincere young hero of The Last 
teman, does great deal of we 
vel ex! a rash of peculiar svmpter 
because of ir. In moments of stress he be- 
comes acuicly conscious. of “ravening 
particles" in the air, Also, he ds subject 
to recurrent. bouts of amm 
of which he ean predict by the frequency 
tensity ol his déjà vus. We frst 
upon Williston in New York's 
1 Park, where he is occupied. in 
a peregrine falcon and sundry 

other things with the aid of a 51900 G: 
n telescope “of unusual design.” The 
instrument assists Will in getting a badly 
eded focus on life, and through this 
ame high-powered m he makes 
contact. with a Southern. f lv rem 
arily sojourning in the Out 
this contact come the two parallel 
devdopments that are meant 19 hold 


should 
lers of 


“question") worry 


the onset 


the divagating story in line: Will's love 
lor luscious Kitty. and his companion 
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The life-and-death arrangement is not, 
of course, sheer accident, but neither is 
it especially illuminating. The prime 
concerns emerging from this novel in- 
volve being and propricty at the highest 
level. How shall a thinking, caring man 
ac? The author provides no easy an 
swers. Clearly he deplores evil in Dixie, 
but no more than he deplores the grub- 
biness of the fingers pointed at it. In 
The Mowiegoer 


Percy painted a thor- 
oughly credible and colorful background 
for the metaphysical quandary of the 
hero. In this novel he reverses the order. 
Metaphysics are broadcast wholesale, be- 
come, the social action of the 
characters; and as a result the characters 
lose a needed dimension. They become 
points of view holic, humanist, skep- 
tic—instead of real people. Whether The 
Last Gentleman is, finally, successful or 
not depends on what you want from a 
novel. Certainly abound—about 
God and man, life and death, morality 
and the South, salvation and sex. These 
ideas are well set forth, and they offer 
rich ground for cultivation. But if what 
you seek in a 
unified experience, then Walker Percy's 
latest leaves something to be desired 


in a sense 


ideas 


novel is a contained, 


One would have thought that pre- 


vious anthologists in the heavily mined 
field of sci-fi had already wrung all the 
possible changes on the notion of a col- 
lection based on a single theme. Yet the 
indefatigable Arthur Clarke has come up 


nother—H 


with short stories by top- 
flight writers (including himself) linked 
by having each one ostensibly illustrate 
a field of science or technology 
from astronomy and cybernetics to 
physics and metcorology. Time Probe (Del- 
acorte) succeeds primarily because its se- 


r than most of the 


ranging 


lections are less famil 
over-and-overanthologized scifi classics, 
and because they are genuinely exciti 
date from the carly 1940s 
when writers such as Rob- 
ert Heinlein, Murray Leinster, James 
Schmitz, Isaac Asimov and Jack Vance 


were producing vivid tiles filled with in- 


Most of uh 
nd 1950s, 


genious science, dashing narrative drive 

ad a sense of wonder. This volume, for 
example, takes us to a planet where the 
human soul is 
site pottery; to a California house whose 
living room leads to Mars; to a future. 
Earth whose politics are controlled. by 


key ingredient of exqui 


the men who decide the weather; and to 
an alien world where biology is unpre 
dictable. An engrossing anthology. 
Michael Chaplin's # Couldn't. Smoke the 
Gross on My Father's town (Putnam) could 
have provided a revealing sidelong glance 
at a great man who, unhappily, was 
not nearly revealing 
autobiography. Or it could have been 


enough in his 


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KNIGHT ^N SQUIRE 


322 Fremont Street Las Vegas. Nevada 


a moving account of wha 

son of a famous father. Or, at the v 
least, it could have been a self-spoofing 
peep show. Sadly, Michael Cl 
book is nonc of these. It is an exercise 
in trivia, a random tale about a rebel 
without a cause, with litle insight in- 
to himself or the people around him, 
and with even less literary talent. “That's 
how the hemp hiccups.” he writes about 
life in the Chaplin spotlight—or, rather, 
tells his two olbpage ghosts (who con- 
vinced him to transcribe his memoir 
st year when he was 19). "That's how 
the bongo bingles.” And that's how their 
hip-happy prose jungles. Father was “a 
bit of a handful 


ind “formal education 
" so he 
ran away from the “family playpen” in 
zerland to London "to sort out my 
own marbles” and “to play the concerto 

tly by For young Chaplin, this 


g on 
then 
was 


Academy of Dramatic Arts, goi 
relief, shaving half of his head. 
d ("Hell it 
i to do"), then letting his hair 
grow as long as the grass on his father's 
lawn, getting hung up on pot and goof- 
balls, and feeling far more at home with 
bats, rats and other fauna than with “the 
old guy" back in Switzerland. C 
mostly an embarrassment to him. During 
a whirlwind tour to Hong Kong, all thc 
son se 
ing onto our father's slightest utterances 
because he was Charlie 
Give a guy a build-up. 
wling out of their 
Sunday suits.” His movies? 
Rush, says Michael, "dep 
bundle." But he 
at the age of four and "really dug 
Revelations? Chaplin has a cr 
Almond Joys, falls asleep right 
ner and has “an inflexible bel 
absolute rightness of his convictions,” 
the end of the book. off pot, playing the 
guitar, singing pop. and with his hair 
Michael condudes, "To be the son 
be a disadvantage 
Well, it couldn't be much fun for Dad 
cither. 


The 
ssed me a 
aw The Great Dictator 


The late Theodore Roethke sang of 
all manner of things: of persons he 
loved and ghosts he attended; of “Toads 
brooding in wells" and “The leech cling 
g 10 a stone": of bats and moles and 
sandpipers; of dim beginni 
primordial slime; and finally of eternity, 
a kind of soul 1 
crave. ("What's freedom. for? To know 
ciernity.”) The Collected Poems of Theo- 
dore Roethke (Doubleday) represents the 
poct’s sustained effort to become wha 
ever “Constricied by my tortured 
thought,/I am 100 centered on this 
spot,” he complains in an carly poem. 
. I would put off myself and flee/My 


eo that he seemed to 


inaccessibility.” In the hands of another 
poct such a notion could be sentimental, 
just another echo of Whitman's barbaric 
yelp. But Roethke's voice is true and his 
vision is his own. He is a mast 

worlds, especi 
world, where 
of Jungian hall 
with a view. “Now, 


of m 


a womb 
this waning light, 
I rock with the motion of morning; / In 
the cradle of all that is,/I'm lulled into 
halk-slecp/By the lapping waters . 

We have been lucky: There is nothing 
like these poems in all literature. 


and choice collections 
eminently worth 
A World on Film (Harper 
& Row) brings together nearly eight 
years of movie criticism by Stanley 
Kauffmann, who was the New Repub- 
lies reviewer (and prayuoy’s) until he 
took over the drama beat at The New 
York Times a while back. As the cogno- 
scenti discovered long ago, afim 
equally sharp of eye and pen, both of 
which have been devoted. with excellent 
effect over the years to products and per 
sonages as diverse as Ben Hur and Some 
Like It Hot, Marilyn Monroe and Ing 
mar Bergman. We can't share all of the 
gentleman's antipathies or enthusiasms. 
but when he's on, which is most ol the 
ume, he's delightfully on. Re: 
all John W. Aldridge’s penetrating 
contribution to these pages (Highbrow 
Authors and Middlebrow Books, April 
1964) ct that 
substantial portions of this essay. along 
with other strictures on the contempo- 
vary novel, are now available in Time to 
Murder and Create (McKay). The formida: 
ble Mr. Aldridge, a critic of exacting 
standards and unsparing prose, tikes ou 
Norman Mailer and. Mary McCarthy, 
John Updike, John O'Hara and John 
Cheever, Saul Bellow and Katherine 
Anne Porter, as he sounds a call for a 
burst of creative exuberance and honesty 
that will free the falter 
mummilying forms of yesterday. 


Two current 
of a 
your attention 


al essays a 


ders who 


c hereby alerted wo the 


g novel from the 


The summer season brings a pair of 
volumes that complement cach other ad 
mirably, and will complement the tastes 
of your wincbibbing friends as well. 
The Commonsense of Wine (World) by 
André L. Simon is à 
written, clearly designed, expert guide to 
the great world of great wines. It is di- 
reeted at the man who knows a Cham 
bertin f Pouilly Fuissé, but who has 


s 


tronome clearly 


the ambition to tell a Chateau Lafuc- 
Rothschild from a Mouton- 
Rothschild. No easy —but M 


Simon's noatonsense book should. help 
him along the way. if anything can. In 
the impressively packaged Gods, Mer, and 
Wine (World), the lue Eng 
William Younger has appro: 


ish poet 
hed this 


enduring subject from quite a different 
perspective. In elegant prose, he traces 
the vine's remarkable history from 

tiquity down to Victorian times, persuad- 
ing us in the process that the life of a 
wine is a dramatic onc, with meaning for 
cultures. extending over thousands of 
years of man's history. Two inviting 
books for the wine connoisscur—arrived 
or aspiring. 


The development of Nat Hentoff 
from jazz critic to social critic to one of 
the most. prolific allround observers of 
our contemporary scene has been 
watched with pleasure by many readers, 
including those of rLayBoy. He has now 
made another literary leap forward with 
the publication of a taut and timely 
short novel entitled Call the Keeper (Vi- 
king) In his nonfiction, Hentof has 
shown himself to. be among the most 
perceptive white commentators on the 
l scene (PLaysoy readers will remem- 
ber his July 1962 essay, Through the Ra- 
cial Looking Glass). and he has drawn 
on his understanding of the black-white 
crisis to construct. this chilling tale of 
our current social jungle, New York City 
division. The cast includes: Dianne, a 
cool and bitter Negro graduate of Smith 
who has ated Downtown to a su 
that entails an office job, a nighdy 
ing and a som 
asual compan’ 
John the Avenger, a self-styled black n; 
nalist who leaves his white wife as a 
ion for leading a move- 
ment that will take up where Malcolm 
X left off; Sept a brilliant Negro 
former convict and disciple of Dos- 
toievsky who goes on binges of writing 
and violence; Randal, a white 
Gan and reformed junkie who is accept- 
his color permits by the 
black hipsters he moves amon 
rowitz, a sociology 
talks like a sage 
The book be 


ed as much 


us with a murder and 
ends witl tempted mutilation; yet 
none of it alism, be 
ise Hentoff makes it speak in larger 
ms of the that 
breeds this kind of disaster. One of the 
characters, who is engaged in making a 
lio documentary on the violence of 


the speculates on what explorers 
from another planet might decide on 
hearing this testimony, and he is proba- 


bly voicing the author's own view of our 
“They were ani- 
mals. They could only be civilized up to 
a certain point. A very low stage of civi- 
lia lit never held. The a d 
kept breaking through the crust. The 
only thing to have done if we had con- 
fronted them at the time was to destroy 
the ces, cach of them, 
Fortunately they saved us the trouble 


world when he s; 


ion. 


Chronic men 


Prowler— A brue of a slip-on that’s gove- 
soft, supple and brawny — all at the same time. 
Hlandeewn: thontiifen camen inire coon Ri 
Buck Board Frown Blaser Blue, or Seawetd. Go 
lurking in the Prowler, and bag yourself a date. Get 
the Prowler at your Pedwin dealer. And 

growl. Most Pedwin styles from $1 0t0$15. (& 
Brown Shoe! Carapeny, St. Lous oun 


YOUR FEETe 


pedwin 


young ideas in shoes 


There goes a guy going places in his Peduin shoes. 


Yellowstone outsells 
your Bourbon in 


Kentucky, the home _ 
of Bourbon. | 


It^ S worth a try, 
isn't it? 


Kentuckians have 146 Bourbons to choose from. 
But here in the home of Bourbon, Yellowstone 

Bourbon outsells every other whiskey. 
That's quite a compliment to our Bourbon, and 

lo the exclusive process we use to distill it. 
Maybe you ought to try Yellowstone. 


© 106 Kentucky Straight Dourbon. 100 Proof Bottled-In-Bond & 90 & B6 Proof 


Yellowstone Distillery Co... Louisville, Kentucky. a 


PLAYBOY 


32 


gam y 


Harry lost a few friends when he bought his Bridgestone 175 


The first to desert Harry were the guys at the gas station. One 
day Harry mentioned he gets up to 100 miles to a gallon with 
his new Bridgestone 175 and that tore it. 

Next to go was Charlie down the block. Charlie owns that 
big 250cc machine with all the chrome. Last weck, Harry 
“buried” him at the stoplight. He hasn't spoken to Harry since. 
(A quarter of a mile well under 18 seconds was too much for 
old Charlie.) 

To hear Harry tell it, it takes real skill to get this kind of 
economy and performance out of a motorcycle. We like to think 
he gets a little help from his new Bridgestone 175. It's powered 
by the world's only production dual rotary valve, dual carbur- 
etor engine with metered oil injection, eliminating the need to 
premix oil and gas. 


It pained Harry to lose a few friends until he and his Bridgestone 
started making a few new ones—like Joanie, Barbara, Sandy, 
Jean, and Sue. 

BRIDGESTONE 175 DUAL TWIN: Engine: two-stroke twin; dual rotary 
valves; dual carburetion: oil injection. Borex stroke: 50» 45 mm. Compression 
ratio Horsepower: 20 @ 8000 rpm. 


Transmission: selective 4-speed rotary = 
or 5-speed return change. ^ 


Check the startling performance of the et f£ 
Bridgestone 175 Dual Twin for yourself 4 
. . at your Bridgestone dealer's. He can 
also show you seven other great models 
for '66. See him today, or write to: 
Rockford Motors, Inc, Dept. P4, 1911 
Harrison Avenue, Rockford, Illinois 61101. 


X | BRIDGESTONE by Rocktora 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Phase been dating the same girl for five 
years now, and although we have an- 
other thie years of college to complete 
(we're both 19), E Icel weve known cach 
other long enough to predict a happy 
life together. She thinks we ought to put 
the nuptials off. How about it—are all 
carly marriages doomed 10 failur 
G. P, Chest Pennsylvani 

No, but statistically speaking, the pic 
ture is quite gloomy. The American 
Institute of Family Relations estimates 
that $0 percent of all teen marriages 
in the U.S. end in divorce, All other 
things being equal. you might turn out 
to be one of the lucky 20 percent, but 
if you have what you think may turn 
out to be a happy, long-lasting relation- 
ship, why jeopardize it with a premature 
marriag 


AAi present 1 am in the market for a 
1 Chevy Corvette, My. problem. is 
that P have been driving luxurious big 
cars so long (the last was a. Buick Wild- 
cat) that T would like t0 equip my new 
“Veue” wih automatic transmission. 
However, all my friends say mis just 
isn't done, and I would miss hall thc fun 
ol m we this high powered. machine. 
I personally feel that a stick shift would 
be great for a Sunday-alternoon drive, 
but not on the Long Island Expressway. 
at 7:30 A.M. Will people think I'm nuts 
if they sec me driving a 1906 Nassau 
Blue Corvette with white terior and 
automatic transmission?— D.. S. 
New York. 

Not at all. A car should be equipped 
ta snit the purchaser's driving prefer 
ences, not those of his friends. Since yon 
spend a fair amount of time in heavy 
naffic—and. picfer automatic. transmis- 
sion—we think you would be foolish to 
make any other choice. 


aysicle, 


year-old. freshman 
only five fect. three 
Every time I get around 
the opposite sex. I get nervous and begin 
to [ecl conspicuous because Fm so incon- 
as. I've been told that D have a 
t personality. bur E always get the 
feeling that if I ask a cool girl out, FII 
get a big fat Laugh in the face. Is there 


college 


api 


any special way | can dress to appear 
taller? —D. H.. Coos Bav, Oregon 
Begin by building your wardrobe 


around styles. Snits and. 
sporis coats should be marvow-eut two- 
Dutton models without peaked lapels. 
Select cardigan and V-neck pullover 
sweaters in flat weaves rather than bulky 
knits. Slacks should be neatly tapered 
without appearing skintight. Carefully 
coordinate all your wearables as to color 


and pattern. No matter how you dress, 


conservative 


however, most 
be a major consideration—i| they dig 
your other qualities. Why not ask some 
of those cool girls out? Carlo Ponti did 
pleased with the results 


girls won't let your size 


and was ve 


iis tan a friend and 1 are planning 
to go to Europe. We are both 18. Will 
we have any trouble gening served in 
bars 5. M... Rapid Cit 


ad restaurants? 
South Dakota. 

No. The legal drinking age in Euro- 
pean counties varies between I0 and I5 
Except in a few places that make it a 
point to keep out. American soldiers. its 
not likely yowll even be asked for proof 
of a: 


A. 
y 


39, I've been divorced for over a 
and have been going with a young 
cight years my junior, Recently we 
e the inumacy barrier, and weve 
been maki king 
clip. 1 feel perfectly fine, have no regrets. 
but am wondering about one thing. Can 
a man wear himsel out so chat in later 
years he'll lose his sexual. adequacy — 
B. B.. Los Angeles, California. 

The latest and mast authoritat 
search on this subject is contained in 
"Human Sexual Response” the remark: 
able volume by William H. Masters, 
M. D., and Virginia E. Johnson that has 
altvacied so much attention outside the 
scientific community to which it was di 
rected that at is currently a best seller 
The book represents mare than a decade 
of scientific study of the physiology of 
male and female sexual response, inzalo 
ing 700 subjects and 10,000. separate 
sexual acts. This research revealed that 
while many men become sexually in- 
adequate after the of 50, this is nol 
related to sexual activity in 
earlier years; quite the contrary, the men 
with high performance levels in their 
youth tend to have similar high levels 
în later life 

Of even greater interest is the fact that 
impotence, at any age. is overwhelmingly 
psychological în ongin: if he is in good 
health. the authors state, “little is needed 
to support adequacy of sexual perform: 
ance in a 70- or even No-year-old. mate 
other than some physiologic outlet or 
psychologic reason for a Yeactivaled sex- 
ual interest.” 

Therefore 
your sexnalily 


love at a record br 


excessive 


we suggest that you enjoy 

secure in the knowledge 
that the more you enjoy it the more cer 
tain you can be that you will enjoy it in 
the future as well. 


have recently become a keyholder in 


vour Los Angeles Playboy Club. As I 
have an ulcer and Gurt drink alcoholic 
or carbonated beverages, Ive been 


Sharp. lvys by 
MR. HICKS and DACRON® 


Thrust yourself into these dressy, 
oxford Ivys and watch her parry. Char 
blue, black, dark olive and char brown 
in X-PRESS® no-iron finish. Try a pair 
soon.. „or several pair. She'll like the 
shape you're in! $8.00 


DACRON is DuPont's registered trade mark 


HICKS-PONDER CO. 
El Paso, Texas 79999 


| Diadoumenos from Delos | 
| National Museum, Athens |. |. | 


PLAYBOY 


34 


wondering if I'm sill welcome. If so, 
what cin D order besides milk?—]. A.. 
Anaheim, California. 

You can choose from a wide variety of 
fruit and vegetable juices, or order our 
favorite libation for nonalcoholic nights 
on the town—limeade with a twist. 


During a game of eight ball, my friend 
and 1 had an argument concerning the 
game-winning shot. 1 called the eight ball 
in the left side pocket, I shot and hit the 
cight ball, but instead of going in direct- 
ly, it caromed off the corner and hit the 
cue ball a second time—and then it went 
into the side pocket. 1 say that 1 won the 
game—all I had to do was call the pocket 
on my last shot. My buddy says, however, 
1 should have called a "double 
kiss" and the pocket. Since I didn't, 

lost the game. Who's right?—D. E., Los 


According to the Billiard Congress of 
America’s official rulebook, you won. 


Hiaways thought America was a country 
without titles, and yet from time to time 
I see people addressed (in print) as “The 
Honorable." Who decides who's honora 
ble, anyway, and how can I get this title? 
=P. X. Chicago, lllinoi: 

The phrase "The Honorable” bejore 
one's name is not a title, but a mark of 
semi-offictal deference. You can get to be 
an Honorable in any one of several 
ways: Win election to the Senate, House 
of Representatives, or one of many mu- 
nicipal and state offices; or be appointed 
10 a position of consul or higher in the 
American Foreign Service; or serve in 
the Cabinet. For a fuller explanation of 
official protocol. see the “Green Hook of 
Washington, D. C." by Carolyn Hagner 
Shaw. 


Wor tne past several months I've been 
going with a charming girl who is pe 
fect in every respect except. one—she 
the most gullible female I have ever met. 
This may have been one of the qualities 
that attracted me to her in the beginning 
of our relationship, but now it is a con- 
stant irritant in an otherwise happy afl 
mple, she does not consider 
ke a moonlight stroll on 
the beach with a fellow who said he had 
something very important to tell her in 
private. She usually tells me about these 
little conversations the next day with the 
quip, "Well, 1 didn't do anything. We 
jux talked!” Tm convinced that she 
didn't do anything in the least re 
proachable, but I can't go on overlook 
ing these annoying incidents. I really 
ke her, but th to be a drasti 
change somewhere. What do you 
ges —D. S., Clearwater, Florid 
Your girl, probably not half as artless 
as you suggest, seems to be baiting you 
with the old jealousy hook, and you're 


For ex. 
indiscretion to 


going after it like a hungry fish. If she 
really were untrue to you (and you seem 
to think she's not), she wouldn't tell you 
about these incidents: the fact that she 
does tell you indicates she’s trying— 
quite successfully—to goud you into an 
overreaction, When she teases you in the 
Juture, do your best to appear cool and 
the odds ave she'll discontinue these little 
flirtations. 


Wl spend a large amount of my leisure 
time in the summer at a country-club 
pool and I constantly wear sunglasses. 
But the etiquette of the thing has begun 
to bother me. Are you supposed to take 
them off when speaking to somcone, or 
is it good manners to leave them on 
R. W.. Blacksbury, Virgi 
As long as you're in the sun, there's no 
need to remove your sunglasses during 
conversation. 


FRecently my date and I were on our 
way to an outoftown party. It was a 
long trip, so I asked her if she would 
like to take the wheel, as I know she digs 
driving. Unfortunately, she was a lite 
too enthusiastic and we were clocked by 
radar going about 80. As luck would 
have it, a small-town justice of the peace 
then gave her a pretty stiff fine. I offered 
to pay the ticket, but she declin 
ing that she shouldn't have been speed- 
ag in the first place. We finally split the 
cost of the ticket. Since then, several 
friends have said that I should have paid 
the total amount. The girl is an old 
friend, but this was our first date. Did T 
handle the situation correctly?—L. W., 
Austin, Texa 
Yes. 


An English friend recommended that 
I ty a particular brand of hock wine. 
I've never heard of the stu. What is it? 
—M.R., Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. 
“Hock” is the veddy British word 
(probably derived jrom Hochheim, a 
German village in the Rheingau wine 
district) for Rhine wine—which you'll 
find in abundance at any liquor store. 
But just call it hock, not hock wine. 


Mier two years of marriage, I was 
divorced at 22 and left with a lovely baby 
daughter and the harsh realization that 
L an only child, had a tough lile ahead. 
Y got a job and a baby sitter and uncom- 
plainingly seuled down to keeping the 
wolf from my door. 

Six months ago I met a man twice my 
ge; we have similar philosophies of life 
and political views. Married, with two 
childr he is secure but not wealthy. 
One night 1 came home from work to 
find the lights had been turned off be- 
sc 1 could not pay my power bill 
When 1 told him about it, more or less 
as a social commentary, he quietly, and 


with 


no attached, gave me à 
ve me the money for 
corrective shoes for my 
nother “loan” 1o help 


nsurance, repair of the 


some specia 
daughter. then 
; for car 


We have never been lovers, At the air 
port recently we stood and held cach 
other for a minute, affectionately, and 1 
must admit that he could have done any. 
thing with me then that he might have 
wanted to, And that's my problem. Love 
(and T do love him in a very special way) 
that cannot give is a painful, aching, tor 


menting burden; it is wrong always to 


receive, never to give. for, as Mr. Hem 
ingway said, "Love iprocal.” But 
my fairy (no, that’s not his problem ci- 


ther) godfather counters with Mr. Hem 
"s "Love gives without thin 
of return. Love lives and increases her 
store by giving.” Then he adds that he 
needs nothing from me and dha, 
besides, a more intimate relationship 
would spoil what we have, due 10 the 
guilt feelings we would have because of 
his marriage. He happe 
Hefner's philosophy. 
bit about responsibility 
I would like your comments on my 
problem. Is it normal for me to have 
feeling of wrongdoing because | receive 
money 1 do not cam? Should 1 run away 
from the situation? Or should I relax 
thank heaven he is what he i 
M. G., South Gate, Californi 
What you describe as the “tormenting 
burden" of this one-sided relationship is 


s to believe Mr, 
particularly that 


more likely a longing for the emotional 
and sexual satisfactions denied you in the 
sent arrangement. In spite of what you 


we don't think you're seeking a move 
reciprocal relationship. In actuality, you 
are trying to elicit additional. benefits 
for yourself, at the expense of yeur bene- 
factor; for the form of “payment” you 
have in mind would create guilt and 
unhappiness for him. Your relationship 
with this man is a selfish one, and the 
addition of sex, under the circumstances, 
would only make it more selfish. The 
best way you can show your gratitude for 
his financial assistance is to avoid any 
further association that might im pair his 
role as husband aud father. And if you 
really want to repay him, we suggest you 
ben itself as soon 
as you are in a position 10. 


an returning the mon 


All reasonable questions—from fash- 
ion, food and drink, hi-fi and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, laste and etiquette 
will be personally answered if the 
writer includes a stamped, self-addressed 
envelope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 232 F. Ohio 
Street, Chicago, IHlinois 60611. The most 
provocalive, pertinent queries will be 
presented on these pages cach month. 


You're the winning king when 
you make your move in this 
subtle plaid shirting. It's 
Dan River s Country Club? 
cotton with a gentle nub for 
sophistication, Wrinkl-Shed 
with Dri-Don” for neatness. 
Concentrate on this for 

à real coup. 


PLAYBOY 


Charging Cossack in bronze is by the famous 19th-century Russian sculptor Lanci 


L^ 


Por Rad OM eee 


Three of the world 


Gilbey’s is the one 
you can buy without a passport. 


’s great vodkas. 


BY PATRICK CHASE 


PLAYBOY'S INTERNATIONAL DATEBOOK 


IF YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED à geraw 

fromitall vacation on a secluded Cari 

bean island, Deoween. October’ 
worsening. we: at home and Decem- 
her's tour down there is ideal. 
That's when islanders themselves 
relay amd rest up for the next season. 


More and morc, the spread of sched- 
uled transportation throughout the Car- 
n is bringing hitherto out-ol-the-way 
within casy reach of any traveler. 
Y ogypical spor is Barbuda. |t would 
be hard to find à more offbeat 
than this one, where 17th. Century Brit- 
an slave stud farms, 
d ever seen 
Now. Coco 


ish planters once 
and which few tourists h 
til a couple of years ago. 
Point Lodge provides eve 
deepseafishing excursions to veel skim- 
ming im one of its M boats that range 
from an 8-loot dinghy ta 
diesel cruiser. Another charmer 
tiny. beautiful island group of Les sai 
off French Guadeloupe, where a single 
hotel, the eightroom Jos on Islet Ca- 
brit. recently opened its hospitable doors. 

Guadeloupe itself, a place of languid. 
beaches at Ste. Anne, St. 
«ois and. Mouk asts the finest restau- 
rant in the West Indies, L'Oiseau des 
Nes (with a chef lured from Maxim's of 
Paris), The modern Fort Royal Hotel has 
a freshwater pool as well as white sand 
beaches. Also fairly new, arby Mar- 
ique. is the small but pleasant. Hotel 
p Est, with its own atractive beach 
nd superlative French cuisine. 

One hundred miles north of Guade- 
loupe is the French island of St. Barthele- 
my. It boasts a threemile crescent beach 
enclosed on one side by h 
on the other by a beautiful offshore reef. 
A free port lor bargain shopping, St. 
Barthélemy has one hotel—the Eden 
Roc. Its operator, Remy de Haenen, flies 
ad will, on appointment, 
pick you up from St. Martin, Puerto 
Rico, St. Croix or Guadeloupe. 

Your transportation i0 even the most 
remote resort is no problem. You can 
fly from St. Martin to the "lost" is 
land of Saba—a jur of sheer volcanic 
rock that's recently opened up to tour- 
ism—then go on to St. Kitis lor a scant 
0. Or take the launch Madinia from St. 
Vincent. or Grenada. through limpid 
waters 10 small sands among the 
idines for about S7. Or wy a ren- 
duffel-bag cruise” among the Grena- 
ht Pas de Loup for about 
0 a day per person. From Barbados, you 
lotta for a fiveday run 
h the Grenadines to St. Vincent. 
$175, including accommodations, 


€ 


his own pla 


food. liquor, cigarettes and scuba gear. 
\ favorite iskind-hopping ploy of ours 
is to do it by chartered cruise. Ni 
in Antigua has the widest 7 
ity offerings in the € 
1 sizes a 


holson's 
age of top- 
ribl; 
da 


Whichever broker you select, be sure to 
use one who c ate you and your 
E ad match them to the best charter- 
boat available. 

For the romance of g sail 
coupled with luxury cruise comfort and 
calls at litleknown islands, sail the Yan. 
kee Clipper on a twicea-month circuit 
from the British Virgin Island of Tor 
tola. She carries 65 passengers on runs 
to Virgin Gorda, Barbuda, St. Kitts, An- 
Saba, St. Eustatius, St. Barthélemy 
deloupe and the isolaied French 
xd ol Mari At the end of 
the ten-day cruise, you're dropped off at 
Puerto Rico for the quick flight home 

Carrying fewer passengers, the big 
copper-bound) Westindiaman Maverick 
sails on the fist and third Mond. 
cach month [rom the tropical crescent 
waterfront of St. Thomas in the U.S. 
Virgin Islands. Her eightday cruises arc 


ts 


billowing 


ys ol 


s measure of hi 

He knows the waters as 
anybody in these parts. 
rove from one ghisssmooth anchorage 
to another, 


with 
alive 


cach complete 


Inlined beach and a coral re 
with brilliant fish. 

One of the most delightful combina 
tions of all is a week of sailing through 
the remote Grenadines, from St. Vincent. 
followed by another week ashore 
Grenada, Ihe skippers of Antillean 
charter sailing yachts add notably to the 
fun—such as Gordon Stout, who gave up 
a successful business in Americi to take 
to the sea in his sloop Quest; and Pam 
and Mike Tate, who've crossed the At- 
Jantic in the ketch Alianora. You'll make 
a leisurely run, with stops at tiny islands 
you've never heard of, such as Mustique, 
1 be am- 
then laze 


id ski 


maid, close to 5t. George's, on Gren 
At SEL25 to 82317 for a up of four to 
six people, the tab works out to only 
1o $28 a day per person for the most 
meme ble of vacatia 
For further information on any of the 
above, write £o Playboy Reader Sc 
icc, 232 E. OhioSt., Chicago, 1.00611. EB 


6 Thisis 
my very first 
35mm 
picture 


* 


Mr. A. Templeton, N.Y. C. 


vri 


The picture is exactly as 

you want it. The expression on the girl's face 
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Your exposure is perfect 

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AUTO-100 pictures are 

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Best of all, the BESELER 

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Send us your very first AUTO-100 picture; 
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37 


PLAYBOY 


Wremember 
the Wis silent 


inWrangler. 
the no-iron 
corduroy jeans. 


Want wreal wide-wale corduroy in 
wrugged and wready-to-go jeans? Wrangler 
has the wright answer. 


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them neat. And Wranglok®, their wremarkable 
permanent press finish, lets them come out of 
the dryer wready to wear! 


But wremember, the "W" is silent. It's up 
to you to wreach for Wrangler. Pewter and 
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01966 Blue Bell, Inc. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


an interchange of ideas between reader and editor 
on subjects raised by “the playboy philosophy” 


POSTAL PRIVACY CONTINUED 

I wish to express my i 
disappointment after r the postal- 

vasonofprivacy leucis in the Janu- 
ary and April Form. 

Prnhfully, at first 1 didn't know 
whether to laugh or to cry. The image of 
a Federal official evincing more zeal f 
voyeurism than rational adherence to 
duty conjured images of an adolescent 
furtively looking at the attractive models 
on an art calendar. But it isn’t so funny 
when we re 
ceived a suspe 
individi 
tentiary. 


ember that one couple rè 
ded sentence and another 
] was confined to the 


peni- 


Henry B. Gonzalez 
U.S. House of Represen 
Washington, D. C. 


I have written 
the follow 


the Postmaster Gen- 
g words: 


Government tells 
they cannot write 


Ameri- 


wha o each 


other, will it not eventually tell us 


what we cannot say 10 cach oth 
ppears that an old 19h Cen 
ghosi—Anthony Comstock hi 
self—stalks the mail cars, the sorting 
rooms and the branch offices of yot 
Department, and the 
sanctity of the home of the average 
citize 


w invades: 


R. W. Va 
Chicago, Hlinois 


Let me add my name to those who ob- 
ject to any kind of Gov nerler- 
ence in private alf these 
alfairs are in a bed or in a letter. The 
most beautiful things in the world to 
some people are obscene to others. That 
is why my bed is not public and my mail 
should be private. 

1 am sending a copy of this letter 
Post OBrien. 

c 
Indi 


nent 


rs. wherhe 


ster 


g G. Gosling 
apolis, India 


I have written a note to Senator Long 
bout the postal abuses you have de 
scribed. 1f th Dear Senator” 
classified as . the deucr 


through the mails and reach 


words 
obsce 


Gregory M. Beach 
Heidelberg College 
Tiffin, Ohio 


Tam a foreign student who, under the 
conception that it was a free and 
demoaatic society in the pursuit of hap- 
ness for all, chose to further my edu 
this country. I fail to se. how 
correspondence between two persons of 
the same taste could have any elect 
upon the happiness of others if it were 
not publicized by the Post Office Depart- 
ment 
1 fear that 1 shall have to conduct my 
Iwure correspondence in my 
Iranian in order to stay free of repr 
In all my travels ope and the 
Near and Middle East, I never saw 
people so disgusted with the law and so 
ightened of the courts as they are in 
this country, with the exception, of 
course, of Yugoslavia. 
F. Fatemi 
Susanville, C 


als. 


liforni; 


nce with 
t the first 
e those in- 


Anyone who has 
dictatorship is well 
liberties 10 be suppressed 
volving com When c 
are alraid to communicate with 
other, they are more likely to feel 
kb defeated, and will stnvende 
their other liberties readily 

If the Post Olfice Department, or any 
other Government agency, violates a 
person's. constitutional rights, that per: 
son should consult a lawyer right away 
id then write 10 a column such as this 
in the hope that publicity will deter fur- 
ther illegality. 


S. T. Stocker, I 
New Orleans, Louisiana 


I have written to Senator Edward 
saying, among other things 


The suggestion that officials of 
the Post Office Department have en- 
i practices such the 


planting” of adveriisements in or- 
der to elicit “obscene” mail is par- 
ticularly serious, for it ds dearly 
pst the law for al of the 
omage 


n offic 


ag 
Government to entice or cu 
lawbreaking. 


Tt has become too easy and too com 
10 accept the dictate of society un- 
ly amd ro avoid developing a 
ancs own 

ct or deci 


n 
thinkin 
personal morality based. on 


reason. But the only 
is inherently immoral is the decision 
to act and not to decide. The unthi 
ing acceptance of anyone elscs me 


Et tu, Brut? 


Bold new 
Brut 

for men. 

By Fabergé. 


For after shave, after shower, 
after anything! Brut. 


PLAYBOY 


and our unspoken permission to society, 
or the post office, to enforce an arbitrary 
code of action, is therefore immoral. 


Toronto. Ontario 


As you are aware, à great many of my 
colleagues and I are deeply concerned 
about some of the methods uscd by our 
during the course of its in- 
ution of alleged criminal behavior. 
s. of course, grave doubt as to the 
ity of some of the proce- 


constitu 
dures used. 
Abraham J. Multer 
U. S. House of Represe 
Washington, D.C. 


ratives 


POST-OFFICE RESPONSE 

For your interest I am enclosing a 
copy of the response T have received 
from the United States Post Office De- 
parument to my inquiry with regard to 
the letters published in The Playboy 
Forum. 


Everett McKinley 1 
United States Senate 
Washington, D. C. 

We wish to express our appreciation 
to Senate Minority Leader Everett. M. 
Dirksen and to a number of his fellow 
Congressmen —including Senators Joseph 
S. Clark (Pennsylvania), Daniel K. 
Inouye (Hawaii), Jacob K. Javits (New 
York) and Edward V. Long (Missouri): 
and Representatives Silvio O. Conte 
(Massachusetts), William D. Hathaway 
(Maine), Melvin R. Laird (Wisconsin). 
Sidney R. Yates (Ilinois) and J. Arthur 
Younger (Californiaj—for their prompt 
response to PLAYBOY's disclosure of im- 
proper Post Office Department practices 
in cases of alleged obscenity in the per- 
sonal correspondence of private citizens. 

The letter sent to Senator Dirksen by 
the Post Office Department, in reply to 
his inquiry into the matter, appears 
below. 


ksen 


Honorable Everett M. Dirksen 
t 


1 réply to your recent 
ative to 
sent you by Mr. 
aker, Chicago, Illinois, in which con- 
cern ds expressed regarding alleged 
invasion of postal privacy. Asscrtions 
to this effect have appeared in a 
recent issue of PLAYhOY magazine 
under the headings "Postal Entrap- 
men asion of Postal Pri- 
vacy." The editor recommends that 
D e letters of protest to 
the Posum r General and to cer- 
a members of Congress. Conse 
nily, a number of inquiries on 
this same subject have recently been 
received . 

We appreciate thar the printing 


of unidentified and unconfirmed ac 
counts in this manner coupled with 
such editorial comment may give 
rise to questions regarding proce- 
dures wh aspectors follow 
i y defined 
responsibilities under 
Federal statute. While we regret that 
unfounded fears regarding the sanc- 
ty of the United States Mails a 
created in tl y 
hope that the following information 
ay restore the matter to à more 
tual basis. 

The postal obscenity statute. (18 
USC 1461) represents an Act of Ci 
gress and historically dates back to 
1865 when the first of such legisla- 
tion was enacted into law. Congress 
had resolved that the United States 
Mails should not be used to convey 
obscene material. The Supreme 
Court has upheld the constitution- 
y of the statute and court deci- 
ons have specifically held that the 
prohibition applies equally t0 p 
vate letters. AN of the states have 
additional laws dealing with the 
posession and /or distribution of ob- 
scene materia 

Postal inspectors present their evi- 
dence to the appropriate United 
Sunes Auorney and determination 
to whether prosecution will be 
undertaken lies solely with 
official's judgment, which jud, 
made in light of the provisions of 
the sawe and controlling court. 
decisions. 

In those investigations involving 
dual jurisdiction, postal inspectors 
collaborate with other law-enforce- 
m ncies at national. s id 
local levels. When prosecution is 

nderiaken by state or local rather 

n Federal officials, the seme legal 
safeguards protecting the accused are 
observed, 

Ihe Post Othce Department has 
no authority nor desire 10 open 
otherwise practice censorship in a 
form over first-class mail. The follow- 
ing provisions of Scction 4057 of 
Tile 39, U. S. Code are scrupulously 
observed. 


ii 


Only an employee opening dead 
mail by authority of the Post: 
maser General, or a perso 
holding a search warrant au- 
thorized by law may open any 
letter or parcel of the first class 
which is in the custody of the 
Department. 


Evidence reaches the hands of 
inspectors through many legal 
Apparent tc 


the 


nor form the bi 


court. The United States Attorney 
es not only the evidence but 
its origin as well, after which he must 
consider whether it will withstand 
the full legal glare of disclosure re 
quired before judge and jury. That 
illegal methods are not practiced in 
the collection of evidence n 
illustrated somevw! the 


99 percent of all ws brought a 
nually to trial for postal viol 

‘The sanctity of the seal on first- 
class mail was certihed to by me 
before the Senate Subcommittee. on 
Adminisuative Practice and Proce- 
dure on February 23, 1965, when 1 
stated in part, person puts 


When 
class postage on a piece of mail 
d seals it, he can be sure that the 
contents of that piece of mail 
secure against illegal search and sei- 
zure.” That prior to August 1964 
mail of delinquent taxpayers in a 
relatively few instances was turned 
over to the Internal Revenue Serv- 
ice in response to a legal notice of 
levy under Title 26 USC 6331-6334 
is in no way contradictory of my 
testimony. Public Law 89-44 enacted 
by Congress on. June 
now served 10 specifically exe 
mail from such levy. 

The Post Office Department will, of 
course, continue to discharge its n 
sponsibility as regards the postal ob. 
scenity statute and. you may be sure 
appropriate legal standards will 

ue to be observed in so doii 
With very best wishes, 

H. B. Montague 
Chief Inspector 
Post Office Department 
Washington, D. C. 


coi 


Chief Postal Inspector H. B. Mon 
tague's explanation of postal policy and 
procedure regarding alleged obscenity in 
private correspondence is inconsistent 
with his expressed intention to “restore 
the matter to a more factual basis.” He 
states that the postal obscenity statute 
applies equally to public communication 
and private correspondence, but the 
U.S. Supreme Court and the Depart 
ment of Justice disagree. 

The Supreme Court definition of ob 
scenity, as established in “Roth vs. U.S." 
and subsequent decisions, iy clearly in 
tended for publications rather than for 
private mail. Justice William Brennan 
has stated that three separate. elements 
“must coalesce” in order for a work to 
be considered obscene: “It must be 
established that (a) the dominant theme 
of the material taken as a whole ap 
peals to a prurient interest in sex: (hi) 
the material is patently offens 
it afjronts contemporary community 
standards relating to the description of 
sexual matters; and (c) the material is 
utterly without redeeming social value." 


w because 


Alka-Seltzer 


On The Rocks 


You haven't tried it yet? stomach and summer 

Oh boy. headache faster . . . or better 
Alka-Seltzer On The Rocks than good old Alka-Seltzer. 
works just like Alka-Seltzer Try itat a pic 


Off The Rocks... only Try it at the beach. 

it’s good eno drink. Plop two Alka-Seltzers in 
Maybe even delicious? water. Let it bubble away 
And even today. in 1966, a few seconds. Add ice. 
nothing relieves an upset A slice of lime. Cheers. 


Al 


PLAYBOY 


42 


Tt is certainly possible for personal 
correspondence, exchanged between con- 
senting individuals, to fail the “prurient 
interest” test. But how can private. mail 
possibly “affront contemporary commu- 


nity standards." when the community 
isn't exposed to il? And how can “re- 
deeming social value? which is the 


standard of art 
plied to a private letter? Personal mail, 
by its very nature, obviously cannot fil 
the Supreme Court's definition of ob- 
seenily. 

The Chief Inspector erroneously im- 
plies that the Post Office Department 
hay a Congressional. mandate and Su- 
preme Court approval to probe into the 
privately expressed swx attitudes of 
American citizens: more: he com- 
ments that “all of the states have addi- 
tional laws dealing with the possesion 
and/or distribution. of obscene mate- 
rial," but fails to mention the pertinent 
fact that these statutes are primarily con- 
cerned with commercial obscenity. In- 
deed, some of these statutes specifically 
exclude as an offense the private posses- 
sion of even hard-core pornography, as 
long as no public display. distribution or 
commercial exploitation is involved. 

But the Post Office Department's cu- 
rious preoccupation with privately ex 
changed erotica becomes even odder 
when we realize that the official policy 
stated in the Chief Tuspector’s letter sup- 
posedly “applies equally” t0 both public 
and private postal obscenity; because, in 
actual practice, the postal investigation 
of private correspondence inval 
only entrapment, invasion of privacy, 
inlimidalion and harassment, but the 
application of much more suppressive 
obscenity criteria Ihan has been. estab- 
lished for publications. And some like- 
minded U.S. Attorneys actually indict, 
and U.S. courts convict, citizens accused 
of postal obscenity, when the so-called 
“olle ws nothing more than a 
few sexually explicit references in a per- 
sonal letier to a friend—though similar 
passages appear in numerous contem po- 
vary novels, where they are widely read 
by the general. public. 

In one such case ("Darnell vs. U. S"), 
a United States Circuit Court of Appeals 
upheld the conviction of a Connecticut 
man for using two allegedly obscene 
words, prompting dissenting Cownt of 
Appeals Judge Leonard P. Moore to 
state: “These ave the ideniical words 
used dozens of times in ‘Lady Chatter- 
deys Lover! and in any warstory best 
seller containing dialog between mem- 
bers of the armed forces of various na- 
lions... . The trial judge pronounced 
his conviction at the close of the testimo- 
ny. This result 1 find quite in conflict 
with the decisions of the Supreme Court 
of the United States and New York's 
highest court... . If this letter, so pat- 
ently not intended to pander to the 
“prurient and not doing so when read 


and literature, be ap- 


^s not 


in its entirety, keeping in mind its pur- 
pose (quite largely informational), is to 
be held the means of imposing a erimin- 
al conviction upon this young man. then 
really have cause for worry. 1980 
and “Big Brother ave already here.” 

The “Big Brother" reference is apt, 
for the postal investigation of private 
correspondence frequently appears to be 
less concerned with obscenity (real or 
imagined) than with the punishment of 
personal morality that the postal inspec- 
tor (prosecutor, judge or jury) happens 
to find offensive, The firsthand accounts 
af postal prosecution and persecution 
published in “The Playboy Forum." in 
the December 1965. January. April and 
July, 1966, issues, provide an accurate 
picture of the highhanded manner in 
which many of these investigations are 
conducted. 

The January “Forum” included a 
warning [rom a reader who had discov- 
cred, by his own arrest and conviction, 
that sexual comments in private corre- 
spondence with friends can result in a 
charge of obscenity. The postal inspec- 
tors emphasized, he “that the 
presence of any one of the common 
four-letter Anglo-Saxon words in a let- 
ter, in whatever context, was proof of 
the obscenity of thal letter and could be 
considered grounds for prosecution... . 
The judge fully accepted the post-office 
standard and ruled aut any evidence 
bearing on what was permissible in oth- 
er civeunstances, or. pertaining to (he 
kind, intent or nature of the correspond- 
GIG ues 

“A number of my friends, whose ad- 
dresses or letters were seized at my home, 
have had "visits by post-office inspectors, 

<- The postal inspectors who arrested. 
me and who were quite talkative during 
our trip to the police station told me 
that 90 percent of their activity was d. 
voted to investigating private corre 
spondence, and that every vaid netted 
them from three to ten good leads.” 

Several of the personal accounis of 

investigations published in 
have included examples of en- 
although Chief Inspector 


ole, 


trapment, 
Montagne denies that this practice is 


permitted. A postal inspector we inte: 
viewed the other day also denied that 
entrapment is an invest practice. 
In an unguarded moment, however, he 
confessed that he and hix associates do 
send out decoy letters to suspected corre- 
spondents, But genteel gentlemen. that 
they are, they prefer to call this entrap- 
ment bait a “test correspondence. 

1 Kansas City couple were charged 
with postal obscenity when they re- 
sponded to a phony newspaper ad soli 
iting members to a spouse-swapping club 


and subsequent enticing “lest corre- 
spondence” from a supposedly like- 


minded individual who turned out to 
be a Federal agent. The husband and 
wije were coerced into pleading guilty 


to a state obs 
ecution unde 


nity charge to avoid pros- 
the mov 


serious Federal 


Matute; they were given suspended 
sentences of a year, with two years 
probation. Although the case received 


no publicity, the husband was forced to 
resign from his job after his employer 


as informed. 

The Kansas City case, described in dr- 
tail by the husband in onr December 
1965 issue, is one of those that Chief In- 
spector Montagne dismisses as “uniden 
lifted and unconfirmed — accounts" 
umes hui been withheld in the 
Forum” when individuals specifically 
requested anonymity, to spare them fur- 
ther harassment and humiliation; but all 
of these accounts of investigative ir 
responsibility have been confirmed and 
our readers can accept. them as fact. 

If the Chie[ Inspector is opposed to 
the use of postal entrapment. as he im- 
plies, here is a current case, clearly iden- 
tified and confirmed, that deserves hix 
immediate attention—although it is al- 
ready too late to do anything more than 
help pick up the pieces of another life 
shattered by the senseless misuse of the 
postal obscenity statute. 

John. Me superintendent of 
schools at Harlingen, Texas, and a pillar 
of his community (a deacon in the First 
Baptist Church oj Harlingen, a member 
of the Rotary Ciub and the incoming 
president. of the United Fund in the 
wer Rio Grande Valley), has been in 
dicted by a Federal Grand Jury on three 
counts of “sending obscene and lasciv- 
iaus matter through the mail.” A UPI 
story in The Dallas Morning News re- 
ports, “A spokesman for the U. S, Attor 
uey’s office said Morgan was charged 
with corresponding with 
one in New Jersey and the other in 
Ohio. The alleged involvement in the 
dirty letter mailings came when a postal 
official in Dallas intercepted what he 
said was an obscene letter mailed by 
Morgan to one of the two women.” 

This report that a postal official 
“intercepted” Morgan's private corre- 
spondence seems to belie all of the Chief 
Inspector's reassuring words about the 
sanctity of first-class mail. But our own 
investigation of the case has uncovered 
an important faci not mentioned in the 
newspaper account: IL wasn't necessary 
for the incriminating letter to be “inter- 
cepted” because of circumstances that 
do the Post Office Department no more. 
credit than if a postal inspector actually 
had tampered with the superintendent's 
mail prior to delivery. H appears that 
the pair of passionate pen pals with 
whom Mr. Morgan had been conme- 
sponding were actually a “froni” for 
postal authorities [rom the outset—estab- 
ished for the specific purpose of entrap- 
ping unsuspecting citizens into violations 
of the postal obscenity law. They were 
individuals in the employ of the U.S. 
Post Office Department, engaged in erot- 


o women, 


The Man from 


Interwoven: 


[the ingenious 
Sportlon* 
sock disguise!] 


He knew he was a dead ringer for 
"Forty-Love" Laverne—the dangerous 
sock saboteur who used tennis as a cover. 
But how to carry off the impersonation? 
` Then he thought of it! Put his 
right arm in a sling and always wear 
Sportlon athletic socks. 
If that wasn't "Forty-Love then his 
| name wasn't The Man from erwoven| 
You really know your socks if you 
_ know “The Sportlon”: only white 
athletic sock that's really white. 
Jk. In extra-bright colors, too. 
3 Oron acrylic and nylon. 
™ 9 to 14, $l. 
À Another fine product of GR. Kayser- Roth. 


PLAYBOY 


4 


ic correspondence with John Morgan 
until his letiers had. become “obscene 
and lascivious” enough to suit their pur- 
pose. Then he was arrested. 

We devoted a major portion of the 
April "Forum" to a condemnation of 
what we consider to be improper investi 
^ practices on the part of the Post 
Office Department in cases of alleged ob- 
seenily in private correspondence; two 
accounts of personal experiences from 
readers printed in that issue involved 
further examples of postal entrapment, 
with widely differing resulls. In one case, 
the reader had responded to a letter al- 
legedly written by a "young couple (very 
broad-minded).” and wound up serving 
time as a “sex offender” in the U.S. 
Penitentiary in Terre Haute, Indiana. In 
the other case, the veader had answered 
a provocative ad in the “Personals” col- 
umn of a newspaper. but the only reply 
he received was a personal visit fram a 
postal inspector: he hadn't written any 
thing incriminating enough to warrant 
prosecution, so he was lel off with a 
warning, and onc thing more—the young 
man lost his job after the postal inspec 
tor contacted his employer. 

One of the most irresponsible aspects 
of these obscenity investigations is the 
lack of discretion. used by postal inspec- 
Tory when making their inquiries, Im- 
deed. the insidious practice of informing 
a suspeet's family and employer occurs 
so often—cven when the investigaion 
fails to justify an indictinent—thal some- 
thing far move sinister than indiscretion 
may be suspected. 

Bernard Fensteriald, Jr.. Chief Coun- 
sel of Senator Edward Lang's Subcom- 
mittee on Administrative Practice 
Procedure, which has been investigating 
postal invasions of privacy. states that 
informing the employer of a suspect is 
such a common practice in these obsceni- 
ty investigations that it can virtually be 
considered postal policy; and such extra- 
Tegal harassment frequently serves as 
am alternative to legal action. The Chief 
Counsel of the Subcommittee made 
these statements in response ta an in- 
quiry from Senator William Proxnire 
(prompted by letters [rom pLAywoy read- 
ers). Fensterwald concluded. his letter: 
“We have protested strongly to the Post 
Office Department that this whole proce- 
dure is a grossly unwarranted. invasion 
of privacy, . . . Ht is my understanding 
that this procedure will be stopped. 1f 
nol, it is my intention to suggest to the 
Chairman of the Subcommittee that we 
have further hearings on this matter." 

But the most damning evidence of all 
came to light just a few days after Chic 
Postal Inspector Montague dogmatically 
asserted, in his letter to Senator Dirksen, 
that the postal obscenity statute's “ pro- 
hibition applies equally to private let 
ters.” Though Montague makes no men: 
tion of it (understandably, since the new 
information completely contradicts his 


and 


allempied justification. of postal. proce- 
dure), the Department of Justice for the 
past two years has had an official policy 
against prosecuting cases of allegedly ob- 
scene private correspondence, except 
where individuals have been. involved 
Jor commercial gain, have been repeated 
offenders or ave involved in other cir- 
cumstances “which may fairly be charac- 
levized as aggravated.” 

This hitherto unpublicied | policy— 
flagranily ignored. by postal inspectors 
and a great many U.S. Attorneys às well 
was revealed in an unusual Justice De- 
partment memorandum to the Supreme 
Court in a recent, highly significant case 
Redmonds vs. United States The 
case involved a married couple convicted 
of violating the Federal obscenity statute 
jor having nude photographs of them- 
seloes (including genitalia) processed 
and mailed by a North Carolina corre- 
spondence club that specialized in put- 
ung “broad-minded persons" in touch 
with one another, What made the Jus- 
dice Department's memorandum — so 
unusual was that it sided with the de- 
fendanis, requesting the Supreme Court 
do reverse. their convictions. Solicilor 
General Thurgood Marshall ex plained 
the Government's position as follow: 

“The Department of Justice has a re- 
sponsibility for the control of Govern- 
ment litigation that ix not confined to 
avoiding legal error but extends to the 
Jormulation and implementation of ap- 
propriate prosecutorial policies. In rec- 
ognition of that responsibility, we have 
concluded that the initiation of the in- 
stant. proscention was not in accord with 
policies which had previously been for- 
mulated within the Department for the 
guidance of United States Attorneys. For 
that reason, and in the interest of jus- 
tice, the ease against these defendants] 
should be dismissed. 

“The policy of the Department was 
set forth in a memorandum to United 
States Attorneys, dated August 31, 1964. 
That memorandum concerns the han- 
dling of obscene p spondence 
and makes the following points 


vale can 


caves 
which are relvant here. 

“I The primary objective of prosecu- 
lion should be to restrain the exploita- 
lion of obscene private correspondence 
jor commercial gain, such as, by the sale 
or solicitation of sale of obscene materi- 
als, or by the operation of a correspond- 
ence club for paying. participants. 

“2. The principal thrust of prosecu- 
lion should be directed. toward those 
whe are the prime mex such 
endeavors. 

73. M is the Department's view that 
generally no useful purpose is served by 
a felony convictian af individuals who 
have willingly exchanged private letters, 
although obscene. This is not to say that 
prosecution may never be instituted in 
such enses. Rather, it is our view that 
prosecution should. be the exception 


ers dn 


confined to those cases involving repeat 
ed offenders or other circumstances 
which may fairly be characterized as 
aggravated...” 

The Court, in response to the Justice 
Department's plea and “upon an inde 
pendent examination of the 
unanimously reversed the conviction of 
the couple involved. Significantly, three 
justices added that they “would revers 
this conviciion, not because it violates 
the policy of the Justice Department 
but because it violates the Constitution.” 
The decision now effectively becomes 
the law of the land, and the Postal In 
spection Service, which has relentlessly 
persisted in snooping into first-class mail 
despite Senatorial watchdogging and th 
spite the policy pronouncements of the 
Justice Department. must finally discon- 
tinue its invasions of postal. privacy. 

In view of a recent announcement by 
Postmaster General Lawrence: O'Brien 
that “shoddy postal. service” will no 
longer be tolerated, we think the De- 
partment should be delighted at the cur- 
tailment of its investigative activities. In 
a New York Times article headlined 
DOTBIIEN ORDERS SPEED-UP AS VOLUME. AND 
AINTS RISE.” (ue Postmaster Gen- 
ras quoted as saying, "I want effec 
tive action now by all. postal people to 
bring aboul a very substantial improve- 
ment in service. 


vec." 


COM 
eral 


We can think of a number of “postal 
people” who have been spending their 
lime in activities not one bit related to 
improving post-office service. We recom- 
mend that they be employed to investi- 
gate complaints about slow delivery and 
nondelwery of the mail rather than to 
snoop into its contents. We also recom 
mend that the Post Office Department 
heed the words of Judge Thurman Ar- 
nold, who commented when the Depart 
menl censarship of second-class mail way 
curtailed in the "Esquire". case, "Post 
Office officials should experience a feel 
ing of relief if they are limited to the 
more prosaic function of seeing to it 
that ‘neither snow nor rain nor heat nor 
gloom of night stops these couriers from 
the swift completion of their appointed 
rounds,’ ” 


NO HIDING PLACE DOWN HERE 
While praynoy is fixing its gaze on the 
of the Pos Office Depart 
g-rcakettle division, equal 
agressive invasions 

re going on throughout 
nent. The snoopers 
al Bard, “come not 
gle spies but in whole platoons” 


nd thi e armed with the latest and 
sn electronic devices, Accordi 
to a recent issue of Life magazine. 
“The numberone big-league free-lance 


eavesdroppei 
U.S 
uh 


and wire tapper in the 
said recently when driving 
ugh the West Side of Manhatt 

(continued on page 11) 


Gives, 


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46 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: 


a candid conversation with the ultra- 


“As rich as Croesus, as shrewd as a 
river-boal gambler, as light as a new pair 
of shoes” ©... “an alchemist under whose 
hand everything turns to gold or to con- 
troversy” . . . “king of the wildcatlers" 

2. “last of the veal individualisis" — 
these aye some of the kinder descriptions 
of Dallas multibillionaire Haroldson. La- 
fayette Hunt, who even J. Paul Getty 
concedes is the richest man in the world. 
Some of the unkinder descriptions: “It 
isn’t just that Hunt is to the night of Me- 
Kinley; he thinks communism started in 
this country when the Government took 
over distribution oj the mail”... “If he 
had more flair and imagination, if he 
weren't basically such a damned hick, he 
could be one of the most dangerous men 
in America.” 

While Hunts enemies of the center 
and left see him as the sugar daddy of 
the right, his compatriots on the right 
grumble that he's free with his advice but 
not with his cash. An archconservative 
adversary of liberalism, he voted jor John 
F. Kennedy in 1960. A registered Demo- 
cat, he supported Barry Goldwater in 
1961. Thus, to friend and foe alike, the 
irritating 


year-old billionaire is an 
enigma. No one—not even his own fam- 
ily— professes to understand him; no one 
-not even Ihe partners he's made rich— 
seems to have any idea what drove him 
to amass his vast fortune; and no one— 
not even Hunt himself—seems able to 
explain just what he's bying to accom- 
plish in the political avena. 

Perhaps the best clue to the Hunt rid- 


*] carry my lunch to the office. Pm not 
comfortable having anyone drive me 
around. I don't like traveling by pri- 
vale plane. And 1 prefer ready-made 
suits, L don't go in for a lot of Inxury." 


.L. HUNT 


dle is his improbable life. Born and bred 
on a 500-acre farm near Ramsey, Hlinois, 
the youngest of eight children in a pros 
perous family, he could read and write 
al thee and was adept at the subjects 
taught in grade school by the time he 
was old enough to attend—thanks to the 
tutelage of his mother, the well-bred 
daughter of a Union Army chaplain 
whose forebears were French royalty 
But he never went to grade school—ex- 
cept during recess periods to play with 
his friends. 

By the lime he turned 15, the bucolic 
charm of farm life had begun to pall, 
and young “June” (for Junior) packed a 
suddlebag and set out to seck his for- 
tune. He found it—in spades—but for 
the jist few years, flophouses and hobo 
jungles were his home, and freight cars 
his transportation as he roamed the West 
from one odd job to another: dishwash- 
er, cowboy, lumberjack, laborer, sheep- 
herder. carpenter, muleteam driver. Bul 
his main source of livelihood during this 
picavesque period was his extraordinary 
skill with a deck of cards. At one point 
in his wanderings, he bummed a train 
ride to Valparaiso, Indiana, where, on a 
whim, he talked his way into some 
courses al what is now Valparaiso Uni- 
versity: within weeks he ran 


ked second 
in his class, though most of his time was 
spent on poker, not on. study. Quit- 
ling after three months, however, he hit 
the road again, returning to Ilinois to 
run the farm when his father died in 
1911. Bul he didn’t stay long. His father 


“The Communists need not invade the 
United States, Pro-Communist sentiment 
in the U.S. is already greater than when 
the Bolsheviks overthrew the Kerei 
ski ernment and took over Russia.” 


right-wing texas multibillionaire 


had often spoken about the rich soif 
around Lake Village, Arkansas, and the 
next year Hunt, then 23, took his in- 
heritance of a few thousand dollars and 
bought plantation lands. there, 

H was then that he began to display 
his legendary Midas tonch—a_ skillful 
blending of boldness and timing that led 
10 one coup after another in big-league 
land speculation. Nine years later, he 
was a landowner of baronial proportions 
—and a very wealthy man. But there was 
a land panic in 1921, and, although he 
retained his property holdings, Hunt 
suddenly found himself. for all practical 
purposes, broke, Undaunted, he got 
wind of an oil boom near El Dorado, Ar- 
kansas, and went down 1o investigate. By 
acting as a middleman there between 
Jarmers who had leases to sell and new- 
comers who wanted to buy them, Hunt 
built up enough capital to drill a well 
where he felt he would strike oil. He was 
right. In 1930, Hunt—already a million- 
nive—went to east Texas to look over an- 
other oil strike, The big oil companies 
looked, too, and decided there wasn't 
much to it, But Hunt had a hunch there 
was, and made a deal to acquire the dis- 
covery well and adjoining properties; it 
turned ont to be what was then the 
greatest oil discovery in the history of 
the world. The money began to come in 
faster than the gushers: By 1910 he had 
become a billionaire; and by 1960 he 
was the richest man in the world. 

Today, Hunt rules an empire that is 
almost as ramified as the operations of 


“Calvin Coolidge turned in the last suc- 
cessful Administration. He reduced the 
national debt about 18. percent, And 
there was no subversive build-up what- 
ever during Coolidge's term in office.” 


47 


PLAYBOY 


48 


the Federal Government. Financially, he 
is the equal of at least 2000 millionaires 
—and perhaps as many as 4000 or 
5000; he says he isn't really sure. The 
Hunt Oil Company, of which he owns 
37 percent (his family owns the vest), 
produced more oil. during World War 
Two than the entire Axis output. 
Eighty-five percent of the nalural gas 
piped to the Eastern United States to 
alleviate the 1916 fuel shortage belonged 
to him. While petroleum remains Hunt's 
principal sowwe of wealth—he is. the 
largest independent. petroleum dealer in 
the United States—it is far from his only 
one. He is also the nation’s largest farm 
er, and his businesses—spread all over 
the world—include not only vil and food 
products but also real estate, cotton, cat- 
We and timber. What makes Hunt's em- 
pire even. more remarkable is the fact 
that it’s pretty much a one-man show: 
He has no stockholders and no board of 
directoye—extyaovdinary, considering that 
the Hunt assets we equal to those of 
such corporate complexes as General 
Electric. 

Although money flows into his coffers 
ab an estimated rate of $10,000 to 
$12,000 an hour, Hunt spurns the life of 


case and luxury. He works hard—siy 
days a week—doesn't “throw money 
around?” as he puts it, and prefers to do 


things himsel} that most executives dele- 
gate to subordinates or secretaries. The 
one extravagance he allows himself is 
his home, which he affectionately calls 
“Mount Vernon,” and which is, in fact, 
modeled after George Washington's fa- 
mous home. Hunt's is situated on con- 
siderably less land than the first Presi- 
dent's—only len acres—but is roughly 
four ov five times larger. though Hunt 
denies it. Truc to form. he acquired the 
mansion during the Depression for a 
bargain $60,000. 

Oddly enough. in view of his flamboy- 
ant financial predilections, Hunt is an 
extremely shy man, as indicated by his 
refusal, until age 66, lo appear in 
“Who's Who." He dislikes the limelight, 
and tolevates it only out of a sense of 
duly to promote his conservative convic- 
lions. “After all." as someone put it, “he 
has a lot to conserve.” Ht is only since the 
carly Fifties that he has emerged as a 
public freue. In 1951. he conceived and 
financed “Facts Forum,” a series of radio 
and television broadcasts, disbanded in 
1957. Ihat purported to present both 
sides of public issues, but which critics 
said favored the conservative view. 
“More forum than fact” was the way onc 
commentator characterized the program's 
anti-Government, anti-foreign aid. amti- 
UN bias. Hunt's present-day political 
activities center around “Facts Forums” 
cuen more conservative successor, “Life 
Line,” an admittedly one-sided sexies. of 
15-minute right-wing radio broadcasts 
carried daily on 409 stations throughout 
the country. He also writes, and syndi- 


cates himself, a five-timesweckly column 
for daily newspapers and a once-a-week 
column carried by some 30 weekly pa- 
pers. And he has written four books—all 
political, and all published by H. L. 
Hunt Press—the most notable of which 
is “Alpaca,” about a mythical emergmi 
country with a constitulion that pro 
vides, among other things, for upper- 
bracket taxpayers to have several times 
the number of votes granted to lower- 
income cil Hunt's critics call him 
the country's most powerful propagandist 
for the extreme right; he probably is. 
Others claim he's the moneybags behind 
every reactionary group from the John 
Birch Society to the Ku Klux Klan; 
both he and they deny it. And some 
have even charged him with playing an 
unspecified conspiratorial role in the as- 
sassination of President Kennedy; but 
there is no evidence whatever to indicate 
that he did. 

To find out how he fecls about these 
and a wide range of other issues, 
PLaywoy dispatched a correspondent to 
Dallas for an exdusive interview with 
the controversial billionaire. Though he 
has a reputation. Jor chilly unapproach- 
ability—one ex-associate summed up his 
personality with the remark “How do 
you warm up to Fart Knox?"—our man 
found hin folksy, friendly, easygoing and 
cven wryly humorous. He was also, how- 
ever, bolh ambiguous and evasive in his 
replies to many of the more probing 
questions, But the interview was the lo: 
est he's ever granted—the first, in fact, 
ever published in interview form—and 
we feel that it affords a revealing glimpse 
of its complex and contradictory subject. 

Surprisingly spry, fit (a sturdy 200- 
pound six-footer) and mentally alert for 
a man of his age. Hunt is a health-food 
faddist who neither smokes nor drinks. 
He used to chainsmoke cigars, he told 
us, but gave them up because “it was 
costing $300,000 of my time per year 
just to unwrap them.” After a pleasant 
supper at Hunts Mount Vernon, fol- 
lowed by a family hootenanny of hymns 
and barbershop-type ballads—with the 
billionaire himself leading some of them 
we sal down in the den, waited pu- 
tienily for Hunt to arrange the fireplace 
logs just the way he wanted them, and 
opened our. intervicw by quoting some- 
thing another famous billionaire had 
once saul about him. 


PLAYBOY: J. Paul Getty has been quoted 
s saying, "In terms of extraordinary, in- 
dependent wealth, there is only one man 
—H. L. Hunt^ Are you really the 
richest. man the world? 

HUNT: | think that Mr. Getty uses ni 
bi for the p 
smear him as being the wealthiest man 
in the world. 

PLAYBOY: Why do you “smen 
you consider it insulting to be called the 
wealthiest. man in the world? 


as 
ple who are trying to 


HUNT: Well, the way T was thinking. I 
don't think that anyone attributes mc 
with being wealthy because he might ad- 
mire mc. I know that nearly all the op 
ponents of liberty exaggerate my wealth 
nd how I use it. Even about my home, 
Mount Vernon. The it is five or ten 
times as large as George Washington's 
Mount Vernon, but as a matter of fact. 
my house isn't any more than five or ten 
percent bigger than George Washington's. 
Drew Pearson once described 
you as "symbolic of the lusty "Texas ty- 
coon who flashes $1000 bills, drapes his 
women in mink, and turns in his Cadil 
get diny.” Whar's your 
ion i0 this description? 
Those things that Drew P 
says are just about as truthful as sc 
the other things he is noted for saying. 
PLAYBOY: Do you flash 51000 bills? 
HUNT: Never. 
PLAYBOY: Do 
person 
HUNT: I'm not that foolish, but thanks 
for a helpful. credit rating. 
PLAYBOY: Do you drape your women in 
mink? 
HUNT: Mrs. Hunt and my daughters arc 
my women, and (hey don’t seem to think 
1 do. But we live in a warm clim: 
they never complain. 
PLAYBOY: Whi bout trading in your 
Cadillacs when they get dirty? 
HUNT: The only times I've ha cadillac 
were when the office bought one for me 
—once or twice. I would drive it two or 
three hundred miles, but would not con 
tinue. I like smaller cars. 
PLAYBOY: Is it true, as rumored, that vou 
have no chauffeur: that you. always fly 
on commercial airlines, never by pri 
plane; that vou have mo tai 
suis: and that you curry you 
work in a brown paper bag? 
HUNT: I do carry my lunch to the office 
because it saves me a lot of time and it 
enables me to cat the special health 
foods I enjoy. Fm not comfortable hav 
ing anyone drive me around; 1 enjoy 
driving myself. I don't 
planes. And 1 prefer 
PLAYBOY: Why don't you 
lionaire, or even like a million 
HUNT: 1 [eel like Em living high. 
PLAYBOY: What do you li 
money on? 
HUNT: Food and clothing. 
iything 
1 don't think so. ] don't 
ewt smoked for about 15 or 
years. 1 don't go in for a lot ol luxu 
ry. 1 don't throw money away. 
PLAYBOY: You have a reputation as a gam 
bler. How much gambling do you d. 
HUNT: 1 haven't bct 
n the | i 


you carry any on your 


so 


lunch. to 


© to spend your 


PLAYBOY: One of your employees was 

once quoted as saying that you are 

"probably one of the ten best poker 
layers in the country." Is he right? 


HUNT. Well, I ying poker in 


1921, and as far as I know, ] was the 
best. 
PLAYBOY: Some people say that you won 


oth- 


your first oil lease in a pol 
cr that you won it in a d 
gambling luck give you your big st 
HUNT: No, not at all. When I made my 
first oil play, 1 had already. made and 
lost big moncy in business transactions. 
PLAYBOY: How did you get your start? 
HUNT: I grew up out West working on 
ranches and in the woods as a lumber- 
juk. Then 1 inherited some money 
when I was 22 vears old. 

PLAYBOY: How much 
HUNT: Quite a lot. Five or six thousand. 
dollars. 

PLAYBOY: What did you do with 
HUNT: | went South and bought pl 
tion land. The country where 1 bought 


game, 


e roll. Did 


in the Mississippi Delia. in Arkansas 
hadn't overtlow for 35 years, but it 
overllowed first year D was there. 


And the next year it overllowed again. 
The year after that was 1914. and T was 
making a bale of cotton tw the acre. but 
Word War One started and cotton 
dropped to five cents a pound. Then. in 


1018, a great land. boom started, and I 
sold the first land 1 had bought and 
ht another plantation. Then I 


mber and. plan. 


ad went to 
and 


n on the oil bog 
leases there. 
PLAYBOY: If thc value of vour properties 
had collapsed. how could you allord to 
trade in oil leases? 

HUNT: I would contact someone who was 
not kasing. get a price from him, and 
ti 1 1 could sell the lease to so 
one else at a small profit. 
PLAYBOY: What did you do with the profit 
you accumulated? 

HUNT: At the end of about five or 
s. I acquired a halfacre lease. paid 
(d demurrage on an okl rotary 
ad diilled a well. It finally 
1 cosi me. 
arime. T ed othe 
1 the fields south of El Dorado. 
ed southeast of the dis- 
covery was because the prices northwest, 
where most people expected the field to 
extend, were too high for mc. Any! 
drilled three or four wells the 
brought in gushers. 

PLAYBOY: Is that where you made your 
rst million? 

HUNT: Well, 1 don't know. Ies pretty 
hard to tell. 

PLAYBOY: You don't remember when you 
became a milliona; 
HUNT: It's hard to 
the West Smackover fields, north of 
FI Dorado, and drilled about 40 wells. 
They were nice, small wells. During t 
time, I had one man in the office, and 1 


n. 1 began tradi 


six 


The reason I pla 


ell. Later on, I drilled 


did the field work with one superintend- 
ent. Esold half imerest in those 40 wells 
for $600,000. I1 was mostly in notes, but 
the notes were bankable. 5o 1 may have 


been worth a million dollars around 
that time, 
PLAYBOY: When you went to east Texas 


in 1930. you were said to have paid a flat 
51.000.000 for "Dad" Joiners famous 
discovery well, the Number One Daisy 
Bradford. Is that muc? 
HUNT: No, that is not ex; 
quence. From. 1921 10 1929, 1 operated 
n north Louisiana, south Arkansas and 
Oklahoma, where I had more than a 
hundred oil wells. Then, when the Joi 
er discovery was made, I went over there 
and saw it drillstem-tested. I believed in 
dill-stemtesting. and I spem all the 
money 1 had and. could. raise for leases 
on the well's cast side, which was higher 
geologically. bun was dry. Larer. I bought 
the Joiner property. 

PLAYBOY: If you had already spent all th 
money vou lad or could raise on leases. 
how did vou pay for the property? 
HUNT: With credit. P borrowed $30,000 
from a storekeeper who liked 10 lend 
me money. He was urging me to buy 
Joiners properties. The large com- 
panies wouldn't buy them. because he 
did't have any abstracts They didn’t 
think much of the cast Texas strike. TI 
storekeeper said be would take a 20- 
percent with me. and «o our 
joim account borrowed S30.000 cash 
plus some shortterm. notes Tor $45.000, 
and the rest of the payment was about 
ST.200.000 in oil. if and when produced. 
Unexpectedly, it produced on the low 
side. 

PLAYBOY: When did you make y 
billionz 

HUNT: X billion dollars sounds like a lor 
of lowe talk. A person like me is nor 
pi to make a billion dollars frequent! 
PLAYBOY: Did vou make your first l 
m oil 

HUNT: Mostly. I al invested 
n some other things—real estate and a 
food company with its own brand name, 
which is nor connected in any way with 
Hunt Foods. But mostly 1 made it he 
oil busi 
PLAYBO 


nass such 


Uy the se- 


interest 


first 


bought or 


for a lot of lux- 
is D told you. And I don't care any 
about power: T don’t think Tve 
ally had thar much anyway. D. just like 
to do things. When I gor to transacting 
business for myself. J just wanted to do 
more of whatever 1 was doing. 
PLAYBOY: You mean vou acquired a for 
tune because you like to keep busy? 
HUNT: Well. it’s been interesting and a 
on. I don't h 
You once sud that you wanied 


dive: v hobbies. 


PLAYBO 


ve 


to use your wealth "for the greate 
benefit. of unkind.” Do you feel tha 
you have? 


HUNT: I have never been very sanctimo- 


nious along those lin And so F doubt 
that I said that, because I feel that people 
who have wealth should not throw their 
money 

propaganda for the Communists. When 
someone who has a reputation for 
a lot of money spends it foolishly 
jus can that as 
ist private enterprise, capit. 
ism and the incentive system. 
AYBOY: Is it foolish to spend your 
money for the benefit of mankind? 
HUNT: People who have wealth should 
use it wisely, in a way that will do socie- 
ay the most good, They should be care 
Iul v ng supposedly charitable 
gilts their money will not be used to de 
stroy or impair the American system and 
promote atheism. 

PLAYBOY: How and by whom are chari 
ble gifts used im this way? 

HUNT: The answer 10 that can be found 
by vestigates the situation 
le. 1 don't want to go imo it. Any 
way. as I was saying. rather than give 
mon way where it will often do more 
harm than good, people with property 
should provide gainful employment and 
take pride in their personnel. 1 don't 
feel the Communists can. make much 
propaganda if this is done. By furnish 
ing employment to a good number of 
people, E think I perform the gr 
philanthropy 1 could eng: 
PLAYBOY: Do vou believe in anv 
form of philanthropy? 

HUNT: My contributions and donations. 
are nor large and they are not publi 
ded. | don't think you can. do much 
good by giving money 10 people—and 
that applies to nations giving money to 
other nations as well. IVs just contrary 
to human nanc. 

PLAYBOY: We gather that you don't give 
much to charity, then. 

HUNT: | don't specialize in it. Many of 
the foundations which 1 think uving 
10 destroy freedom are widely considered 
charities. 

PLAYBOY: In what way are they tryí 
destroy. freedom? 

HUNT: Foundations might wy to destroy 
our county as Alger Hiss and. Harry 
Dexter White were trying to destroy i 
Nearly all the foundations are influenced 
by those who seek to destroy our country 


round: to do so makes good 


use 


nvonc who ii 


PLAYBOY: Who: How? 
HUNT: | don't feel like nam 
1 won't, but these men often cà 


and use money paid to the Government 
in taxes. The liberty side is omtfinanced 
1 10 01 
PLAYBOY: You 
ancing a g 
groups. What 
help. support? 


are often credited with 
i number of rightwing 


political groups do you 


HUNT: None. I have made contributions 
10 pesons running for office when I 
thought they were running against some- 


on 


preity bad. 1 donate to individuals 
ther than to groups 
PLAYBOY: You were a friend of the kue 


49 


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Senator Joseph R McCarthy. Did you 
ever support him financially? 

HUNT: No. | was reported to have done 
so, but I did not. 
PLAYBOY: Were you i 
views? 

HUNT: I very much in favor of his 
tion to communism. 

PLAYBOY: Do you disagree with those who 
McCarthy was irresponsible 
ges and destroyed reputations 
s of inadequate evidence? 
anyone dedi- 


sympathy with his 


the bas 
HUNT: I highly approve of 
cated to opposing and fighting commu- 
1 do not pick minor faults they 


on 


nism. 
may have, nor do I quarrel with their 
methods, When someone is accused of 
pro-communism, his reputation is not 
endangered unless he à pro-Communist. 
If he is not guilty. and really loves his 
country, the falsity of that. appellation 
will amplily his true worth and redound 
credit. McCarthy himself was 
smeared a great deal. He was called, for 
example, a stooge of Facts Forum, a 
group I helped support. At the same 
time, Facts Forum was called a front for 
McCarthy. Actually, McCarthy appeared 
on Facts Forum programs once or twice, 


to hi 


whereas liberal Senator Sparkman of Ala- 
bama was on about two dozen times. If 
we had men in the Senate today like Pat 
McCarran and Joe McCarthy, South 
Vietnam would not be in such bad 
e, because they would have kept the 

nd the nation constantly alerted 

to the Communist menace in that part. 
of the world—ycars ago, when we should 


have known what was coming there. 
PLAYBOY: You became actively involved 
national politics in 1951 with Facts 
Forum and other projects. You were in 
your 60s then. Why didn't you start 
When you were younger? 

HUNT: When I was a cotton planter in 
Arkansas, I made the trip all the way to 
Illinois to vote for Teddy Roosevelt for 


President. That was when I was 23, so I 
guess T have been interested in public 
s for quite some time now. As I be- 


came older, and maybe wiser, I became 
i ingly concerned about losing our 
freedoms, so I have tried. hard to help 
halt that trend. 

PLAYBOY: What frecdoms have we lost? 
HUNT: I have no persecution comple: 
and no inclination to recite freedoms I 
have lost. Nearly anyone who has 
reached the age of reason can name 
many freedoms he is Io: mong them 
the right to contract. 

PLAYBOY. How is the right to contract 
being lost? 

HUNT. Ask some people you know 
business; they'll. tell you. 

PLAYBOY: What will the 
HUNT: Ask some of them. 
PLAYBOY: What are the 
you feel were losing, 
HUNT: We are also losing the right to 
keep a fair share of the money we earn 
and a fair share of the profits we make. 


tell us? 


other freedoms 


Wage earners pay about 80 percent of the 
personal income taxes and Social Security 
collected by the Government. 
PLAYBOY: Let's discuss income taxes and 
Social Security later. You said you've 
tried to help halt the trend. toward loss 
of freedom. How? 

HUNT: I have constructively campaigned 
nst communism since 1933. I suc 
ceeded in a one-man campaign to get the 
states to ratify the no-third-term amend- 
ment, the 22nd Amendment, the only 
nendment ratified four years after it 
had been submitted to the state legisla- 
tures. J started Facts Forum, as you men 
tioned, 10 which TV 1 radio 
$5,000,000 of free time per year. Facts 
Forum ried debates between out- 
standing national figures and was aired 
on two thirds of the TV stations in 
existence at the time. Senators Spark- 
man, Kelauver, Humphrey and Ken 
nedy Facts Forum. ‘The 
complained bitterly 
about this series, which presented both 
sides of publicall Facts Forum 
was the predecessor of Life Line, whic 
presents religious and. publicallairs pro 
grams, and adheres closely to the con- 
structive side, I have also written some 
books—Alpaca, Fabians Fight Freedom, 
Why Not Speak? and Hunt for Truth, a 
collection of my newspaper columns. 1 
also write columns for d cs and 
weeklies. 

PLAYBOY: How would you label yourself 
politically? 

HUNT: I am a registered Democrat who 
often votes Republican. 

PLAYBOY: What would you call your: 
a middle-of-the-roader? A conservative? 
HUNT: A constructive, 

PLAYBOY: What's that? 

HUNT: A constructive is simply somcoi 
who is trying to do the best th 
done in public affairs and. elsewhere. 
PLAYBOY: You really don’t consider your- 
sell a conservative? Most. people do. 
HUNT: Not a partide. The word "con- 
servative” puts a weight around the 
necks of the liberty side. 

PLAYBOY: What do you mean by liberty? 
HUNT: Freedom for the individual to do 
whatever he likes consistent with organ- 
Now about 


ed on 
ists 


ized society and good taste. 
the word “conservative”—I think its an 
unfortunate word. It denotes mossback, 
actionary and old-fogyism. 

PLAYBOY: How does the word “construc: 
tive" differ? 

HUNT: You can say of anyone or any 
le that he or it is "too conserva 
nd, of course, you can label per 
sons or ideas as being “too liberal" But 
you can't defame anyone or any idea by 
saying that the person or the idea is “too 
constructive.” A constructive wants to 
go forward and do the best which can 
be done in all events and at all times. 
PLAYBOY: To which do you give more of 
your attention these days—your business 
interests or your political activities? 


ities: 


HUNT: They're not politi 
i 1 am 


they are publi . 
nonpar nd g I do along 
political lines I just do in the hope of 
getting better people elected to public 
office and encouraging all officials to 
serve better 

PLAYBOY: Didn't you support the Mac- 
Arthurfor-President movement in 19522 
HUNT: | supported him in every way 1 


could. As far as I know I headed the 
eltort. 
Why do you think he should 


PLAYBOY: 
ave been President? 
HUNT: MacAril 
bout 
ion, and his known integrity and 
mental capacities, ensured that his Ad- 
inistration as President would 
n outstanding success 
MacArthur was truly the ma 
century. If he had been elected i 
this would be a completely differe: 


ailtra 


world. Few know how close we came to 


veal fine. MacArthur- 
idquartered. 


having it. I had a 
forPrésident Committee hi 
n the Conrad Hilton Hotel 
About two days before the nor 
speeches were to be made, [ 
awakened by Carroll Reece, General 
Wedemeyer and other top leaders of the 
Taft campaign staff, informing me that 
Senator Taft. was transferring his. dele- 
gate strength to General MacArthur and 
that 1 should alert my committee and get 
them working. The committee members 
were delighted to be aroused at two A-M- 
nd began redoubling their elforts, but 
sixthiny AM. 1 was notified that 
enator Taft had changed his mind and 
decided to take one ballot before making 
isfer. | knew and told the con- 
leaders that the one ballot 
could not be successfully taken and a 
stampede toward Ike would develop. 
Polls revealed that the two war heroes 
were quite evenly matched in popula 
ty. Therefore, MacArthur, if nominated, 
senhower 


id that Gen- 
eral Douglas MacArthur, who was un- 
willing to deprive Se Taft of the 


within four and a half 
hours of becoming President—and_ the 
free world came within four and a half 
hours of being saved. 

PLAYBOY: Are you implying that Eisen- 
hower lost the free world? 

HUNT: He was an unfortunate choice. He 
made a lot of mistakes—such as pulling 
back and not taking Berlin, sewing up 
that city as a tinderbox that might st 
World War Three. His "salt-of-the-ca 
manner enabled him to retain his popu- 
larity, dominate Congress and do great 
harm. I think he was advised by the same 
school of advisors that had advised Frank- 
lin. Roosevelt and Harry. Truman—the 
sime school of thought. 

PLAYBOY: What school of thought is that? 
HUNT; Alger Hiss, Harry Dexter White 
and Lauchlin Currie—who once lived in 


El 


PLAYBOY 


52 


ow h 


the White House and who is 
dling United States foreign aid lunds in 
Colombia—cin safely be mentioned 

being in the early school of. President 
advisors. IE he looks hard eno 
interested can easily ascer 
names of many in this solid. hal, 
Presidential advisors who suppla 
influence of the voters electing the Presi- 
dem of the United States. 
PLAYBOY: By mentioning Al 
ry Dexter White and Lauchli 


one 


Hiss, Har- 
Currie, do 


you mean to imply that this "school" of 
Ivisors is leftist in its leanings? 
HUNT: Well, they certainly aren't right 


wi 


extremists. 
PLAYBOY: You said that Eisenhower had 
the same school of advisors as Roosevelt 
ad Trum: What did vou think of 
them as Presidents? 

HUNT: F. D. R. was the first. President to 
institme the struggle of cla it 
class. He ma ed our entry into World 
War Two after pledging to the mothers 
of America again and again and again 
that he would not send their sons into 
foreign wars. 

PLAYBOY: In view of the Japanese attack 
on Pearl Harbor, do you think Roosc- 
velt can be 
pledge to the mothers of Ameri 
HUNT: This is a big subject that would 
require much more time tha have to 
discuss i 
PLAYBOY: All right. You were giving us 
your appraisal of Roosevelt as President 
HUNT: In addition to the misjudgments I 
mentioned, he also broke the two-teri 
tradition, atempted to pack the Su- 
preme Court, and created a myth which 
must be broken if our country is to su 
vive. 

PLAYBOY: What myth? 

HUNT: The myth of the indi 
man, 
PLAYBOY: WI 
man? 

HUN 


ken to task for 


pensable 


of Tru- 


did you thi 


Truman knew lile and did liule 
and consequently did do much 
harm, except to recall. MacArthur. But 
all Presidents since diplomatic recogni- 
tion of the Soviet Union in 1933 must 
share the responsibility for the surrender 
of hundreds of millions of people into 
n because the 
United States has been capable of dictat- 
ing the policy of the world since belore 
it emered World War Two. If 
tells you that since 1933 the 
hu n beings dominated by communism 
has increased from 160,000,000 backw: 
Russians to more than a billion human 
beings, he is not necessarily a rightside 
ank. It’s the duty of the com- 
munications media to keep us informed 
regarding such vital things as this oft 
forgouen subject. 

PLAYBOY: Who do you think was our last 
good President? 

HUNT: | ak that Calvin Coolidge 
turned in the Dist successful. Administra- 
tion. There was no subversive build-up 


whatever in Washington during Cool- 
idge's term in office. As sm the na- 
tonal debt » he reduced it about 18 
percent. Also, ‘he fulfilled Thomas Jetler- 
son's admonition that the governm 
best which governs least 
PLAYBOY: President Ke: 


believer the necessity 


a firm 
strong 


nedly wa 
for 


Federal Government. How did vou rate 
him as Presiden? 
HUNT: 1 rated him high enough as a pros- 


pea that I supported him. I expected 
Kennedy to be as constructive as the ph 
losophy of his Catholic religion should 
lead him to be, and as constructive as 
the philosophy of his Father should caus 
m to be. 


PLAYBOY: How constructive is tha 
HUNT: Catholics are known for being 
E communist. And ] had never seen 


any evidence of fiscal. in 
the Kennedy family 
PLAYBOY: Did Kennedy turn ou 
“constructive” as you expected? 
HUNT: Well, I know that he deplored the 
betrayal of China to the Communists. 
He once made a very fine speech about 
it in which he said, “What our young 
men had saved, our diplomats and our 
President have hittered a I was for 
pra ly everything that Jack Ken 
nedy did in public life. I think that his 
tion was the greatest blow that 
ever befell the cause. of freedom. 
PLAYBOY: But Kennedy was a 
Democrat. Weren't m 
contrary to your view 
HUNT. Well, 
did that were different [rom my opinions. 
He made some míst for example, 
regarding communism—but in general, I 
thought he was a good official. 

PLAYBOY: What mistakes did he make? 
HUNT: You've got me. Jt becomes diihcult 
to uy ro enumerate particular n 
which Jack may have made. 
PLAYBOY: As a conservative, weren't you 
disappointed by his endorsement of 
deficit spending. civil rights legislation 
the test-ban treaty, and so on: 

HUNT: Unless there is a turn toward con- 
stitutional government and a decrease in 
proSocialist legislation forced through 
Congress, the. Kennedy Administration. 
is likely to appear highly constructive 
when compared to the Administrations 
yet to follow. 

PLAYBOY: In what way is President John- 
son's legislative prog pro Soci 
HUNT: The Administration's. progr: 
widely publicized, and everyone i 
titled to their own views, whether or not 
it is pro-Socialist. 

PLAYBOY: Which of President Johnson's 
policies do you consider pro-Socialist? 
HUNT: Ncarly all of his domestic policics, 
I fear. E just don't like the whole big 
trend toward lening the Government do 
everything. We hear a lot of talk about 
needing big government because the 
country is so complex today. It just seems 


esponsibility i 


10 be as 


assa: 


there were a few thir 


stakes 


so complex because we have given up 
so many of the simple, though’ hardao. 
practice, truths that once made sense of 
our Governme 
less cent r to the people. 
PLAYBOY: How would you accomplish 
tha 

HUNT: We could easily abolish a good 
number of bureaus in favor of private 
emerprise. I : g my book 
Alpaca, w a constitu- 
tion for emergi ions. provided. for 
an annual review of bureaus by a per 
manent bureau review board for the 
purpose of terminating all bureaus 
which were no longer required and cur- 
ling the activities of the remaining 

us as much as practical. 


ives. 


bu 


PLAYBOY: What Government departments 
or do you think should be 
abolished 


HUNT: 
be 


AM services to the public should 
ibolished in favor of personal enter 


prise, where they can be more efficiently 
nd economically performed. 

PLAYBOY: How do you feel about the 
efficiency and economy of the Govern- 


men's War on Poverty? 


n 
and is à complete. failure. 


PLAYBOY: Do you think it should be 


andoned: 
HUNT: II it can’t be made workable, yes. 
PLAYBOY: Do you lecl the same about Fed- 


cral welfare programs? 
HUNT: I thought them all right in writ- 
g my book Alpaca, where the people 
re to ty to govern themselves. But 
y may do more harm than good 
United. States. 

PLAYBOY: Why: 

Through mismanagement 
es and. political 
nning the genera 


d the 
idvan 
1 pub 
ng some persons and. groups 
over others. 

PLAYBOY: Do you favor any of President 
Johuson’s Great Society programs? 

HUNT: I favor the society, wi 
ual improvements from July 4, 1776 up 
to November 2%, 1963, which made this 
the greatest of all uations. The Great 
Society is expensive to the 1 


pride of accomplishment and the 
feeling of self-sufficiency by putting them 
on the dole. 

PLAYBOY: How do you feel about the re- 
cent increase in Social Security taxes? 
HUNT: The Social Security money paid 
into the Government is illegally spent 
on other projects. Senator Harry F. Byrd 
id that the Social Security 
fund was bankrupt. 
PLAYBOY: Would you elabo 
ial Security is in the nature of 
although it is compulsory. 
erting of funds from. proper 


te? 


insurance, 


nd the 


y solvent is 


reserves to keep Social Sean 
illegal. They are diverted imo the gen 
eal fund, which underwrites thousands 
of frivolous projects. Social Security owes 
hundreds of millions of dollars to the 
beneficiaries who have paid for insur- 
ance, and has no reserve from whidi 10 
pay them. Beneficiaries are dependent 
upon taxes yet to be collected. 

g to the Office of Research av 


ity tx funds are 
deposited not in any general [und but 
al Old-Age and Survivors Lnsu 
st Fund and the Federal Di 
nee Trust Fund, 
be used only to pay Social Security ben 
fits and administrative expe 
PLAYBOY: In case, youll never nec 
Social Security money yourself. 

HUNT: You never can tell. 

AYBOY: Do you think the present system 
aduated income taxes is equitabl 
HUNT: | am not a tax expert 
not tried to effect any tax reforms, but I 
for granted that ihe present 
schedule could be improved. In 
however, I would say it is likely that the 
more moncy the Government raises, the 
more poorly it will be 
PLAYBOY: You've been quoted as saying, 
that uppe payers should 
have seven times as many votes as those 
in the lower 40 percent. Wouldn't that 
to say the least? 

s graduated suffrage. you 
x about is from the model consti- 
ion in my book Alpaca. T have never 
suggested that the United States adopt 
this. Alpaca was written to stimulate 
people in the emerging counties to adopt 
a constitution whereby they would wy to 
govern themselves instead of yielding 10 
dictatorship. The purpose of gradu- 
ated sufhage is to persuade the landed 
gentry and others close to the powers 
that be to participate in a republic 
where otherwise they would not take an 
equal vore with the less provident, 
PLAYBOY: lt has often been charged that 
you—and other very wealthy persons like 
you—gel off with paying very little in in- 
come taxes because of extensive business 
dedu tion to this 


ad have 


HUNT: If I am on trial, 1 plead “not guil- 
ty” until the charges are made more 
specific. 

PLAYBOY: Doesn't the oil-depletion allow- 
icc save you several million dollars in 
taxes every year? 
HUNT: I haven't calculated the nt. 
PLAYBOY: "here's been some talk in Con- 
gress about revoking the allowance. How 
do you feel about that? 

HUNT: Depletion allowances are neces 
sary for all irreplaceable resources. Ade- 
quate equipment would not be installed 
il there was no depreciation allowance, 
Adequate production of irreplaceable 
resources would not be developed foi 


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53 


PLAYBOY 


the benefit of mankind if there was no 
depletion allow 
PLAYBOY: Do you 
danger of its | 


there is much 
ated? 


s understood. Th 


its eli tion would finance the 
nt three or four days per year. 
tion would be the equivalent 
of placing an additional tax between the 
producer and the consumer. The Gov 
ernment itself. would have to take over 
the job of drilling and producing oil— 
and at its costs, which are always prohi 
e compared with private business 
costs under the incentive system. The 
Government would collect far less tax to 
underwrite these costs than it already 
does from a healthy oil industry. 
PLAYBOY: How much in extra taxes would 
you have to pay if the depletion allow- 
ic were climinated? 

HUNT: Maybe nonc. for we would have to 
confine our activities to other business; 
as I said, the Government would have to 
produce the oil. 

PLAYBOY: Wasn't your radio program. 
Lije Line, a big deduction before its tax 
exemption was withdrawn last y 
HUNT: Its patrons and those who use it 
for religious and political education are 
punished with the loss of Life Line's tax 
empt status. Bt was nor a tax exemp: 
tion for me. The cancellation of Life 
Line's tax-exempt status as an education- 
al program was due largely to the misin- 
formed and politically. insp'red actions 
of Congressman Wright Parmon and 
Senator Maurine Neuberger, who cru 
saded to bring pressure on the Internal 
Revenue Service because they fear an 
informed publi the polls. 
PLAYBOY: Why should they f 
formed. public? 

HUNT: Those who do the 1 


from 


ar an in- 


ast good for 


the populace are those who would like 
most 


for the populace to be poorly 


PLAYBOY: It's been reported that you 
endorsed Barry Goldwater's Presidential 
candidacy in 1964. How much good do 
you think he would have done for the 
populace as President? 
HUNT: My first choices for the Repub- 
ican nomination were Senator Hruska 
of Nebraska and Bob Taft, Jr. but I 
couldn't get cither of them to make a 
move. As far as Goldwater is concerned, 
his campaign was very, very poor, and if 
he would have made no better a Presi- 
dent than he was a campaigner. I don't 
think he would have been a very good 
President. His service in the U. S, Senate, 
however, was the very best. 
PLAYBOY: Do you include his vote 
the civil rights bill in this apprai 
HUNT: He was voting his convictions. I 
know some have tried to infer that Gold 
cr was antkNegro because of this 
vote, but that's not true. He did much 
for Negroes in Arizona years ago, long 
before it was a politically popular issue. 


against 


PLAYBOY: Contrary to the claims of his 
campaign managers, the record indicates 
that Goldwater did lite for Negroes in 
Arizona either during his years in the 
c or before. But where do you 
stand on civil rights? 

HUNT: That statement. regarding Gold- 
water's record will be interesting to your 
readers. Regarding my stand on civil 
rights, my views on the matter are re- 
flected by those of the Negro publisher 
S. B. Fuller and his great. columnist. 
George Schuyler, who ask positions for 
members of their race only as fast as 
they are qualified to hold them. 
PLAYBOY: What must they do to qualify? 
To be a bookkeeper, one needs to 
qualify himself to do the work which a 
bookkeeper has to do. To be a stenogra- 
phe i 
I believe that nearly any employer w 
tell an inquirer that he is seeking compe- 
tent Negro personnel. At the moment, 
however, there are more positions av: 
able than Negroes are qualifying them- 
selves to fill. In regard to the Negro push 
for equal rights. should not be for- 
gotten that Erwabiding white people are 
good people and should bc treated as 
such. There are ethnic groups such 
Poles and Italians who 
10 be treated as respectable, law- 
izens should be treated. There 


e seeking only 
piding 


other Caucasians who are pretty good 
people and not without merit, regardless 
of the color of their skin. They look 


the U.S.A. as a land of golde 
opportunities. There are ample employ- 
ment opportunities in this country for all 
those who wish to work. In the freedom 
of the U.S.A., no one needs to live ii 

an undesirable environment; anyone can 
improve his living standards and place 
of residence whenever he wishes. 


upon 


PLAYBO' Most civil rights leaders 
wouldn't agree that this is true for 
Negroes. 


HUNT: Anyone can uplift his lot in life— 
anyone who really wants to. 

PLAYBOY: With a helping hand, perhaps. 
Arc you in favor of integrated school 
HUNT: They may not be best for Negro 
pupils and teachers, but 1 am for what- 
ever the society involved decide: 
PLAYBOY: Why wouldn't they be best? 
HUNT: Many Negro teachers prefer to 
teach in Negro schools, and many Negro 
students prefer to attend Negro schools. 
nwide demonstrations to 


ions? 

ions are not the proper 
it hey should not be 
gitators seeking power and 


vote 
PLAYBOY: Don't you think Negroes should 
have 


the vote? 
1 favor suffrage for all 21 years and 


PLAYBOY: Even for illiterates? 


HUNT: Yes. No one was barred in the 


mythical country Alpaca. 
d Mart 


vores"? 

HUNT: I share J. Edg: 
of him. 

PLAYBOY: Are you saying that you agree 
with Hoover that King is "the biggest 
lir in the United States"? 

HUNT: I cannot detect that King has any 
regard for the truth, religion, sincerity 
peace, morality or the best interest of 
the Negro. people. 

PLAYBOY: What cifect do you feel the civil 
rights movement is having on the South? 
HUNT: The South is upset. There is prej- 
udice throughout the nation aimed at 


the South, although the South han- 
dled its problem much better th New 
fornia. The South is great 


South has handled its 


rights lea 
the worst ra 
HUNT: Be ors devote the 
s mostly against the South. 
PLAYBOY: If vou were President, what ac 
ions would you take the field of civil 
rights? 

HUNT: I don't th: 


agree tha 


the South has 
the m ? 


nk one man should dc- 


cide the relations to be followed in civil 


rights. He could develop a mania of de 
siring for all of the white people in the 
world to be ruled by colored people. 
The United Nations, Great Britain, the 
Sovier Union, the United States and Red 
ipparently intend to enforce that 
ns in Africa shall be ruled 


a bigot. What's your answer to this 
charge? 

HUNT: | suppose a bigot is whatever 
someone wants to say of another who 
disagrees with him. A bigot is expected 
to be biased, and have a 
a consuming 
curiosity and always like to hear the 
different. viewpoints. I com myself 
open-minded, and therefore not a bigot. 
PLAYBOY: You're not anti-Negro? 

HUNT: No. | like the Negroes 1 have 
known and I beli l of them 
like me. 

PLAYBOY: You've also been called an 
Semitic. Arc you? 

HUNT: There is no basis for any of this. 
Just about all my life some of my very 
best friends have been fine Jewish people. 
Jews should protect the profit-motive 
system and oppose all trends toward 
tatorship. Under totalitarian gov 
ment, they would be persecuted a 
have been for centuries. I have wc 
10 keep alive the Synagogue Council cru- 
sade against anti-Semitism in the Soviet 
Union. I think I've done more against 
ntiSemitism in the Soviet Union than 
anyone else in the United States. 
PLAYBOY: What about i 


ve nearly 


Country Club gives you more 
of what you drink malt liquor for. 


Some malt liquors taste a lot like beer. 
We figure that if you like beer, you 
should order beer. But if you want a 
drink that starts where beer leaves off, 
you'll order Country Club. Short on 
carbonation, long on taste. 

Try it. You'll get the message. 


P 
PEARL BREWING COMPANY, SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS * ST, JOSEPH, MISSOURI 


PLAYBOY 


the United States? Have you done any- 
thing against that? 

HUNT: I think so. I wy to discourage it in 
every way possible. 

PLAYBOY: You've also been charged with 
anti-Catholicism, Is there any truth to it? 
HUNT, No. Some of my best f 
sociates are Catholics, including Cardi- 
nal Spellman and the noted Catholic 
layman Ed Maher of Dallas, who has 
been treasurer of Life Line. 

PLAYBOY: The Ku Klux Klan is notori- 
ously anti-Negro, anti-Semitic and an 
Catholic. How do you feel about 
HUNT: | have had no experience with it 
If it practices violence, however, I de- 
plor , lor I deplore all violence. 
PLAYBOY: How do you feel about the 
House Committee on Un-American Ac- 
tivities’ investiga 
HUNT: | suppose it is to placate pro- 
Communists who are subversive. 
PLAYBOY: How will it placate them? 
nd their toler 


nds and 


the investigations of Communist 
tics conducted by the Committec, 


y the Committee to 
its investigations of Commun 
subversives to investigate people who are 
highly opposed to communi pro- 
Communists might be placated and feel 
more kindly toward the Committee. If 
the Commiuce exposes Klan violence 
nd money making rackets, however, the 
investigations will serve a fine purpose. 
Do you feel that HUAC's ant 
st investigations have served a 
purpose? 

HUNT: It served well, but is handi- 
capped by Supreme Court decisions fa 
voring communism. 

PLAYBOY: What decisions? 

HUNT: | don't want to get into a legal 
discussion. 

PLAYBOY: We take it you oppose the 
Courts decisions in the field of civil 
liberties. 

HUNT: It has acted illegally im ignoring 
precedents, and is actually legislating, 
Any court is supposed 10 observe prec 
edents; otherwise the lawyers of the land 
study past decisions never 
know w is “the law of the land." I 
the Supreme Court takes action outside 
of its constitutional rights, it is acting 
illegally. It was never contemplated t 
the Supreme Court could amend the 
Constitution, as there vgular pr 
cedures for its amendment wherein both 
houses of Congress and legislatures of 
the states participate. 

PLAYBOY: Many conservatives feel tha 
the Court is unce utionally hindering 
police work and "coddling criminals" by 


who 


protecting the rights of the accused. Do 
you agree with them? 


HUNT: The Court is befriending cri 
nals, Communists and Socialists. 
PLAYBOY: Why do you lump them togeth- 


er? And how is the Court befriending 
them? 
HUNT: Communist activities in the 


United States are criminal and can be 
spoken of along with other crimi 
ollenses. Anyone who reads the papers 
can find decisions whereby the Court be- 
friends them nearly every day. 

: Do you think the threat of com- 
in America is very serious? 
Yes, and I do not understand 
others who doubt it. 


PLAYBOY: In what arcas of American 
v do vou feel the Communists are 
strongest? 


HUNT: In the most critical a 
PLAYBOY: Such as? 

HUNT: Some of the most critical areas are 
the Stare Department, the Defense De- 
partment, the large foundations, the 
communications media and the enter- 
tainment field 

PLAYBOY: What makes you thi 
strong in these areas? 

HUNT: The United States has been in 
charge of the world since World War 
Two, during which time the Commu- 
nists have taken into domination one 
third of the world’s popula 
PLAYBOY: Would the election of 
ative to the Presidency help 
trend, in your opinion? 
HUNT: l am nor a conservative, and as a 
constructive | am not yet campaigning 
for 1968, Many may class me as a dan- 
gerous right winger. 

PLAYBOY: Do you feel that Johnson could 
be defeated by a conservative in "68? 
Hunt: If the ir Is of communism can- 
not be halted, Johnson should be defeat- 
ed by someone who as President could 
stop the Communist over. Unies 
communism is defeated, it makes 
diller 


us, 


they a 


re 


no 
nce who is President. He would be 
forced to be a stooge. 


PLAYBOY: Arc you referring to à Commu- 
nist take-over of the U. itself? 

HUNT: Yes. The Com st take-over to 
be feared is the same kind that has taken 
place in other nations. 

PLAYBOY: Do you agree with the Minute- 
men that th an actual threat of 
armed Communist. invasion? 

HUNT: I shouldn't be asked i0 agree with 
the Minutemen. The Communists need 
not invade the U.S. They are alread 
here in numbers of at least two percent 


and will rule unless understood and re- 
strained and defeated. 
PLAYBOY: How did you arrive at that 


figure? 
HUNT: The pro-Communist sentiment in 
ihe United States today is greater than 
when the Bolsheviks overthrew the Ke 
renski government and took over Russia, 
and stronger in the U.S. than in some 
other countries before the ta 
has always be 
of Communist infiltration [ 
taking over a country has been 
two percent or four percent. 
PLAYBOY: Whom do you number among 
this two percent? 

HUNT: It would serve no purpose to try to 
name them, for the people of the U. S. A. 


who have all to lose are not sufficiently 
concerned themselves to find out who 
they are. Needless to say, however, they 
are here. The United States cannot af- 
ford to permit the Communists to con- 
tinue taking over from the free world 
two or three hundred mi 
year, 

PLAYBOY: Do you think communism has 
made inroads in the U.S. since Johnson 
became President? 

HUNT: Indeed I do. The demonstrations 
throughout the nation favoring our Com- 
munist enemies and the actions of mem- 
bers of Congress in opposing our war 
effort indicate Communist. inroads. John- 
son can be commended in the personnel 
he is using abroad only in the appoi 
ment of Admiral Raborn as tli 
of the CIA. 


n people per 


director 


t do you think 
of John ipn policy? 

HUNT: I don’t approve of 
PLAYBOY: What don't you approve of? 
HUNT: We sent troops in there to prevent 
the Communists from setting up another 
beachhead in the Western Hemisph 
PLAYBOY: You don't thi we should 
have? 

HUNT: Of course we should have. But 
then, alter Johnson was advised by Mc 
George Bundy and Averell Harriman. 
the actions that have been taken since 
then, so far as I can tell—unless changed 
—will help set up a Communist govern- 
ment ther 
PLAYBOY: What actions? 

HUNT: Twenty thousand U.S. troops were 
sent into the Dominican Republic and 
prevented an immediate Communist sei- 
zure of that country. Then President 
Johnson sent Hariman and McGeorge 
Bundy to formulate a policy there, and 
General Wessin y Wessin and other 
prominent non-Commu: forced 
into exile. 

PLAYBOY: There's been no evidence of a 
Communist takeover n. What 
do you think of Johnson's handling of 
the war in Vietnam? 

HUNT: P think that it would be bener 
to listen to the MacArthur school of 
thought—General Courtney Whitney, 
General A. C. Wedemeyer, General Van 
Fleet, General Bonner Fellers and 
younger men trained by them. Whatever 
school of thought would advise, ] 
nk should be followed 
PLAYBOY: What do you think th 
lvise? 
HUNT: Th: 
North Viet necessary, by 
blockading North Vietnam, by using 
atie Woops as far as possible--from 
uth Korea and the Philippines—and 
ing advantage of Natio 
's large and well-trained army. 
PLAYBOY: What do you think of our re 
ing from bombing Han 
HUNT: I thin 
cm to win the war. 

PLAYBOY: If we were to bomb Hanoi, do 


s were 


since th 


y would 


we try to win it, by bombing 
as much 


ist 


we must do whatever we 


the Red Chinese might enter 


HUNT: They're doing an awful lot there 
now, | suspect. We should do whatever 
the MacArthur-trained. group of strate 
gists thinks. 

PLAYBOY: But what if Red Chin 
send an army into View: 
HUNT: We should do whatever our gener 
als advise us to do. 

PLAYBOY. Including bombing Cl 
HUNT: If that is what they advi: 
PLAYBOY: A number of conservativ 
proposed il desroy Red China's 
nuclear cà ics now, before they be 
come a strong nuclear power. Are you 
favor of this? 

HUNT: It might not be too bad an idea. 
Certainly if we had done this to. Russi 
as C George Kenney recom 
mended—which we easily could have 
done in the 1950s—I feel we woulda't 
ly as many problems as we do 
the world) Our country would 
good deal more secure. Maybe 
ing out Red China's nuclear instal- 
Tations now wouid prevent touch 
ing olf a Third World W: 
from now, we might wish we had done it 
PLAYBOY: You wish that we had knocked 
out the Soviet Union's nuclear cap: 
HUNT: Yes. General Kenney, who was 
charge of the Air Force in the Pacilic, 
unfolded a plan t0 me in 1950 that the 
U.S.A, should put loaded bombers over 
Moscow l by transport 
planes wi 


were to 


that we would drop the 
bombs unless they placed their teri; 
in our nansporrs. At that time we had 
more than ten times as many bombs 
Russia, and the means of conveying 
them. They would hi » forced to 
surrender their nuclear equipment. This 
or some similar actions should have been 
taken then. 
PLAYBOY. Ev 
wouldn't we H 
public opinion: 

HUNT: |t is through — weakness—not 
strength—that we lose estec 
world. A workable plan of the 
ture should be put into use to 
put an end to Red China's nuclear pow 
cr. Otherwise the lives of millions of 
Americans will be destroyed. 
PLAYBOY: Do vou think we 
ly justified in doing this? 
HUNT: We shouldn't send our 
over to Vieti 
without supporting them in every way. 
The very least we can do for them is 10 
face up to the stiff deci we will 
someday have to n nyhow. 
PLAYBOY: Don't you think bombing Red 
China's nuclear installations might touch 
off World War Three? 

HUNT: No. I don't think so. The Commu: 
re defeating us without forcing a 
showdown. Why should they make the 
same mistake Hitler made? He might 


if the plan had worked. 
ve alienated world-wide 


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have defeated the world if he had been 
more patient; I think that the Commu. 
nists hay arned from his mistakes. 
Besides, China is helpless against our nu- 
clear power, and I don't believe that the 
Soviets would come to her aid if we took 
this move. If they did, they would be 
aiding a deadly enemy. If the Soviets 
thought China could destroy the U.S. 
alone, they would probably aid Chir 
but they know Red China would have 
no chance with the United States in a 
war—unless our activities were directed 
by strange persons with a twisted. educa- 
tion who would prefer we be defeated 
PLAYBOY: What “strange persons’ 
HUNT: If. people would read more anti- 
Communist literature, they'd find out for 
themselves that there a sor 
in Government who alw 
come out on the losing side 
ings with the cnemy. 
PLAYBOY: Would you care to name them? 
HUNT: I think people should find out for 
themselves. 

PLAYBOY: Isn't there an aktern 
war? Might there not be a chance of 
bringing Red China peacefully into the 
world community by admitting it to the 
United Nations? 

HUNT: I think that the UN is so noncon- 
structive that it doesn't make much 
difference—though I think it soon will 
be admitted, because of the leftle 
tendencies of too many UN members. 
PLAYBOY: How is the UN, as you sa 
nonconstructive? What about its role in 
settling the Suez and Congo crises, 
among others? 

HUNT: I don't think the settlement of the 
Suez crisis was favorable to the United 
States. And in the Congo we ended up 
warning planes to fly UN troops into 
nga to butcher people who were the 
. ds in the Congo. 
Some UN funds have been used to help 
astro's agriculture. We pay out of pro- 
portion to support the UN, while some 
bother to pay their dues at all. This 
has the ellect of sometimes conveying 
our money to our enemies. 

PLAYBOY: Would you like to see us get 
out of the UN? 

HUNT: Certainly. 

PLAYBOY. What would that accomplish? 
HUNT: We would do better in the world 
st comm 
wasn't organized to help the 
United States. No freedom-loving nation 
will gain from participation in the UN. 
W's controlled by Communists who can 
win a vote any time they wish. 
PLAYBOY: If that's true, why ha 
imitted? 

5, though they pretend they 
ts don't really want them 
admitted. They are rivals for 
of the Communist world, and apparent 
ly the Soviets feel that keeping Red Chi- 
na out helps them stay on top. Thus it's 
not the U.S. but the U.S.S.R. that's 


e people 
seem do 
their deal- 


sm, I feel. 


'; Red 


keeping China out. The UN 
dom on the side of the Unite 
remaining in the UN, all we do is lend 
it respectability—and funds. If we would 
withdraw, it would have little of either. 


We would become the leader of the frec- 


dom forces of the world, instead of 
being a helpless hangeron with those 
who want to destroy us. 

PLAYBOY: Do vou think we should also 


withdraw diplomatic recognition. from 
Commu countries? 
HUNT: There's nothing to gain by recog- 


nizing them. The Communists can't feed 
their own people and they cannot manu- 
facture and distribute industrial prod 
ucts in a way that makes economic sense. 
If we would quit helping them out in 


any way, I think they would become 
helpless and. collapse 

PLAYBOY: Then you're against all wade 
with Iron. Curtain countries? 

HUNT: I think it’s a sure way for us to de- 
stroy ourselves 

PLAYBOY: Even if the trade were restricted 


10 nonst 
HUN! 
to them. Wh 


gic goods? 


Just about everything is strategic 


ever the enemy wants to 
buy from us is only what he needs most. 
PLAYBOY: Do you consider wheat strategic? 
HUNT: The Communist enemy will always 
need food more than guns and muni- 
tions. If we keep them fed, why, they will 
be able later 10 fight on full stomachs, 
Fd rather see the Communists starve than 
see them killing our boys, like they're 
doing right now in Vietnam. 
PLAYBOY: What do you think 
Toreign-aid. program? 

HUNT: I think that if it were put to a 
vore, the American people would choose 
to end it. You know, cach billion dollars 
our Government wastes—and foreign aid 
is a waste—cosis the average American 
family 525. So far, we've thrown. about 
130 billion dollars down the foreign-aid 
rat hole. Thats enough money for cach 


of our 


family to send a youngster through 
college. 

PLAYBOY: Don't you think foreign aid 
has helped rebuild Europe and raise the 


economies ol. underdeveloped ni 
HUNT: Not r 
build 


went to 
tions which 


ly. Much ol 
cconomy of n 
Socialist or Communist— 
for example. Foreign aid to 
often actually hurts the 
economy of the country to which the aid 
as been the cise in Bolivia 
and Laos. Gifts to the slavemasters will 
never help the slaves. 

PLAYBOY: Do you take an equally dim 
view of Peace Corps 
HUNT: No. I'm under the impression that 
its conduct abroad has not been the mis- 
erable failure that the Job Corps has 
been home. In coun the 
Peace Corps is helpful, the U. S. taxpay- 
y be justified in keeping up the 
assistance. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think we 
al obligation to help other countric 


the 


ass 


stane 


s where 


e any mor- 


HUNT: We have an obligation to help 
those countries that have been of help to 
us; otherwise there is none. 

PLAYBOY: If we don't help other coun- 
tries. don't you think the Russi 
and win their friendship by doing so? 
HUNT: You can't buy friends. In an 
the Soviets don't constructively help the 
citizens of any country—including their 
own. The standing with other 
countries through deceitful propag: 
PLAYBOY: How do you think the United 
States is faring in the Cold. War? 
HUNT: Preity badly. The Communists arc 
advancing and, at least most of the time, 
we are reren We are happy wh 
we can sty that w ent los any 
round to the Reds in a while, or at 
least nor very much. But we should bc 
sking ourselves wh have ad- 
vanced dom's line, where they have 
lost territories to the Iree world, where 
we have liberated people held in Com- 
munist slavery. The answer is that ou 
victories are very few, and theirs are 
plentiful. We are losing the Cold W 
PLAYBOY: Where are we losing? 
HUNT: Almost everywhere. Right now we 
don't seem to be losing to Communist 
infiltration in Indonesi id a few other 
counties, but I think this is almost en- 
ely because of Admiral Raborn, whom 
e of the 
not aiding our 
quite well 
PLAYBOY: Hose can we avoid aiding our 
enemies? 

HUNT: For one thing, by ceasing to use 
personnel in fighting commu 
have always been unsuccessful in oppos- 
ag communism—and that would apply 
to Harriman, Rusk and Lodge. We 
should use personnel who have not lost 
n diplomatic struggles with the Com- 
munists. 

PLAYBOY: You speak of opposing com: 
munism. Do you believe that the aims of 
all Communist countries are essentially 
the same, and equally inimical to the 
nk that they have 
themselves that we 


e w 


President Johnson put in ch 
CIA. Wherever we 


are 


who 


ism 


mong 


HUNT: They have th 
of course, 


r petty differences, 
they are pable of 
ood show. ‘They—the Ru: 
the Chinese—both want to 
dillerence docs it make to 
us which one of them does it? Just be. 
cause the Russians and Chinese spat, we 
shouldn't forget that both countries are 
dedicated to destroy us and enslave our 
people. 

PLAYBOY: How can we keep them from 
burying u 
HUNT: By ceasing 10 furni 
the rope v 


but Iso 


i them with 
. by ceas- 
iout the world 
and, as 
I said, by using Government. personnel 
who are strongly pro-Americ 
PLAYBOY: Do you think that there is 


likelihood of our reaching a peaceful ac- 
commodation with the Soviet Union? 

HUNT: Let me say this: If we do, we're 
gone. If we reach an accommodation 
with the Soviets. it will be for the benefit 
of the Soviets and to our detriment. The 
Soviet leaders have repeatedly explained 
this to us for more than 40 y, 
PLAYBOY: Do you sec any validity in the 
prediction of some ideologists that our 


political systems could converge—with 
the Soviet Union's becomi re ca 
talistic and ours becoming more social- 


istic—until we develop what some have 
called "arcas of mutual self-interest’? 

HUNT. If we get to that point, I think 
that the freedoms we still enjoy today 
will have become a thing of the past. If 
we and the Soviets start having overlap- 
ping ly 
won't be interested in is seeing that we 
à free. As far as I'm concerned, this 
led. peaceful coexistence. means th 
re peaceful while they try 10 do us 
. It’s nothing more than surrender on 
the installment plan 


interests, one thing they cert 


the Soviet Union and the 
might one day find it mutually benc 
to join in a military alliance ag 
China? 

HUNT: Chat might be a possibility. 
Twelve yems ago. 1 began to fe: 
Chinese Communists more thin the So- 
viet Commun because 1 think thar 
their appeal is more effective in some 
areas of the non-Communist world. I 
don’t rule out the possibi i 
ing with Russia against China, but if it 
ever comes to that, E think we will be de- 
stroyed in the process—by Russia, if she 
or by China, if she cin. 

PLAYBOY: What do you think 
pects of nuclear disarmament 

HUNT: Very poor. fortunately. D chink it 
would be fatal for us. If we don't have 
superior arms, why, the superior num- 
bers that are against us will destroy us. 
Disarmament could work only if al 


re the pros 


were stints, and they're not—espe 
the Communists, Khrushchev once said 
that the last obstacle 10 a Communist 
world the mi might of the 
United States. 1 see no reason to remove 
that. obsta 

PLAYBOY: Yo to disarm 
ment, your y of preemptive nu 


Red. China, 


ws you've ex 


d Russia and 
and most of the other v 
pressed here are echoed regululy on 
your Life Line radio The New 
Republic once wrote in 
Life Line broadeasts 
mm... that the brooding Oswalds of 
e left or r 
mes act on. 
violence? 
HUNT: Life Line can best be judged by 
its listeners rather than by what I say 
about it, Osw a Marxist and Life 
Line could not incite a Marxist to 
olence, as they are dedicated to thei 


d wa 


59 


PLAYHBOY 


60 


ly that President Kennedy's dis 
proval of communism, including hi 
specch in Miami three days before his 
ssassination—encou 
n their homeland—cost him his life. 
PLAYBOY: Are you implying that the asas- 
sination was a lefcwing conspiracy? 

HUNT: I'm not trying to imply anything. 
and I really don't know the answer to 
that question. By the way, you might be 
crested to know that the UPI quoted 
Senator Maurine Neuberger a few min- 
utes after the assination to the effect 
that if anyone is responsible for the as- 
it is H. L. Hunt of Dallas, 
fter that, my house 
idly calls of 


sassinatioi 
"Texas. Well, soon 
began receiving a [ew fric 
warning and many threatening calls to 
the effect that I would be shot next, and 
also to tell Mrs. Hunt she would be shot. 
My office force would not consent to ci- 
ther of us going home even to get our 
clothing, We were sent out of town, and 
ither the police department nor the 
FBI would consent to us returning to 
Dallas until a few days before Christmas. 


PLAYBOY: he German zine Der 
Stern claims that you financed the 
famous full-page anti-Kennedy advertise 
ment that appeared. in The Dallas 


Morning News the day of the assassina- 
tion. Did you? 

HUNT: No. 

PLAYBOY: Did you know that the book Os- 
wald: Assassin or Fall Guy—and. sever: 
other books and artices—implied that 
the assassination of President Kennedy 
was a rightwing conspiracy in which you 
were involved? 

HUNT: I have heard that. As I said car- 
lier, the assassination of Pr at John 
F. Kennedy was the greatest blow 
suffered by the cause of liberty. I know 
of no one who is critical of communism 
who would have wanted President Kei 
nedy assassinated. 

PLAYBOY: In Oswald: Assassin or Fall 
Guy, the author, Joachim — Joesten, 
claimed that President. Kennedy intend- 
ed to make you and other oil m 
es pay a greatly increased amount of 
With that kind of money 
Josten wrote, “murder, even 
murder, is not out of the 
ion." That borders on a very seri 
iust you, What do you 
bout. this? 

the 1960 elections, the. 
in the oil business. Con- 
than the President, formu- 
ble to oil products. I 


ever 


lion- 


que 
ous charge 


gress, rathei 
Fues the law app! 


was never apprehensive about President 
Kennedy’s auitude. 1 had never heard 
of Oswald. After the assassination, I 


heard that the Justice Department had 
caused previous charges against Oswald 
to be dropped—which made it possible 
for him to be available to shoot anyone 
he might decide to shoot. 

[According to the Warren Commission, 


Oswald.—Ed.] 

PLAYBOY: Are you saying tha 
as part of the Justice Depa 
negligent in failing to in 
Service of Oswald's presence 
just before the as 
HUNT: No, I do not think that the FBI 
was 
PLAYBOY: n Commission felt 
it was. What did you think of its report? 
HUNT: The Warren Commission followed 
a demand by The Worker three days 
previous io the appointment of the 
Commission that such a commission bc 
established and headed by Ear] Warren, 
PLAYBOY: Are you implying that the V 
ren Commission was Communist inspired, 
should have been no 


the FBI, 
ment, w 
orm the Secret 
1 Dallas 


HUNT: The Worker, in a fr 


nnt-page si 


te- 


ment, made a demand that the President 
appoint a commission. There would 
have been an investigation in any case, 


but it’s interesting that its formation Tol- 
lowed a dem The Worker. The 
senate Judiciary Committee, as is cus- 
tomary in highly 


ee to in- 
This was 
stopped by the naming of the Warren 
C The subcommittee would 
€ tried to protect anyone, includ- 
ing friends of The Worker. 
: Are you implying that the War- 
ten Commission did protect anyone, in- 
cluding friends of The Worker? 
HUNT: The report 
itself. The Worker 
some disclosures re 
nation “may not be y 
time.” His first Supreme Court decisions 
where communism was involved—62 for, 
3 against the Coni st attorneys’ argu- 
ments—are on record. 
PLAYBOY: Attorney Melv Belli said 
that he was offered $100,000 not to de- 
fend Jack Ruby, and some have spec- 
ed that the offer came from you. 
Did in? 
HUNT: I never had any contact with Mel- 
vin Belli, except that he caused me to be 
subpoenaed to testify before him, but 
later caused the subpoena to be canceled. 
PLAYBOY: Why did he subpocna you? And 
why did he cancel 
HUNT: | do not know why Belli sub- 
pocnacd me or canceled the subpoena. 
PLAYBOY: Belli also said: "I was absolute 
wed by the speed and ri 


vestigate 


ission. 


with which Dallas multimillionai 
aliared against me fo charitable 
remarks to the press about thcir fair 


Did you participate 
reprisals? 
HUNT: | knew 


a any such 


t, the court oi 


his ci 


the city. 
ly all of the rumors I have heard 


regarding me are untrue, and this one is 
no exception. Some of these malicious 
stories are started and circulated by per- 


sons who don't like or disapprove of me 
personally, and some are spread by per 
sons who don't like anti-Communisis. 
Some foundations pay good writers for 
writing stories discrediting active anti 
Communists like me. 

PLAYBOY: What foundations? 

HUNT: Anti-Communists know them, and 
Hy learn 


the general public will eve 
her not get specific. 
noi? 


rd 
PLAYBOY: Wh 
HUNT: I often from disclosing the 
whole wath se most people—in 
duding most of the people who will 


read this interview—are not realy to rc 
ceive certain facts. | have no inclination 
to stuff my oj ad information 


down any In these hazard- 
ous times, people owe it to themselves to 
find out the facis on the impo 
issues. They'll find it a splendid rec 
reation and diversion, I feel But 1 
recommend to them that they work less 
hours per day at this job than I do 
PLAYBOY: Why do you work so hard at it 
I don't want to retire. When I was 
a kid in Illinois, I noticed that the old 
farmers would sell their land 


d move 


to town, and they generally died. within 
one or two years. I decided then that it 
is always better to keep on doing things. 


PLAYBOY: Are you a 
HUNT: Yes, quite. 
PLAYBOY: Whit makes you happy? 
HUNT: My [amily and my associates. T 
take great pride in the people that work 
for me, I've enjoyed seeing some of them 
get rich on their own when they left me. 
PLAYBOY: Speaking for yourself, could you 
give it all up? Could you be happy with- 
out a fortune? 

HUNT: Yes, 1 could give it all up—though 
perhaps not gladly. But there is little 
1 a lot of trouble, in pow 
a fortune. Happiness comes from 
of accomplishment. That's 
at jov, and it cam be realized by a 
y small entrepreneur or by a wage 
large or small, This is the reason 
ate enterprise is so highly pret 
erable to socialism and communism. So 
long as individual initiative is not sadly 
hampered with unnecessary regulations 
and restrictions, co 
chance to win and take over. 

PLAYBOY: Apart from socialism and com- 
munism, do you fear anything else? 
HUNT: No, ] have no ticular fears. E 
am a health enthusiast, and T stay quite 
healthy, and T presume I will live a long 
time. But if I don't well, chat will be all 
right, too. 

PLAYBOY: Is there some special goal you'd 
to achieve? 

HUNT: Well, I think sometimes that I 
would like to go broke just to see if I 


appy man? 


the 


nnunism h 


s a poor 


HUNT: It would be fun to wy. 


S : : Sa Ae ge ea 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


A young man who steps out ahead in business action and feminine reaction, the PLAYBOY reader 
counts on fine footwear to set the groundwork for his well-dressed look. Facts: over 2,554,000 
PLAYBOY male readers bought three or more pairs of shoes in the last year—well above the national 
average. And one out of every five men in the U.S. who spent $25 or more for a pair of shoes in the 
last year is a PLAYBOY reader. That's 726,000 purchasers of prestige shoes reached by PLAYBOY. 
Good reason why, this year, men's apparel advertisers will invest more money in PLAYBOY than in 
any other magazine. (Sources: W.R. Simmons & Assoc., 1965; The Brand Rating Index, March 1965.) 


New York + Chicago + Detroit + Los Angeles - San Francisco + Atlanta * London 


62 


il was a fateful confrontation: the erstwhile lover, cool and self-possessed, now faced 
the cuckold, in whom the hurt of years long past had been distilled into vengeful hatred 


ONE OF THE ANCIENT Japanese martial arts is called ninjitsu. Adepts in this discipline 
can run into a wood and disappear, make themselves invisible even to alert and care- 
ful men; they can hide under water for six hours, jump their own height from a sta 
still, climb 30-foot sheer walls. Michael Haynes’ first wild thought, when the m: 
the green-brown suit materialized soundlessly beside him in the woods, really it seemed 
out of thin air, was of ninjitsu. But that was in the first second, or half-second; then he 
saw the man's face, and knew that he knew it; and then, with perhaps three seconds 
gone, he remembered the name: MacKinnon. Charles J. MacKinnon. A high school 
chemistry teacher. 

“Well, Haynes,” MacKinnon was saying, “you remember me, I guess?” 

“I remember you," Haynes said. “You weren't wearing your soldier suit then.” 

"Ten years ago, I bought t MacKinnon said. "French army jungle issue. 
Slacks and a jacket under it, as you might guess." 

“You're disguised as a commando, then?" Haynes said. "Where's the party?” 

“Ho, ho," MacKinnon said. "You're funnier than I remember you were seven 
teen years ago. The party is right here, you're the host and I'm the guest of honor. Or 
it could be the other way around. Suit yourself.” 

“I take it the thing on the end of your popgun is a silencer?” Haynes said. “The 
standard TV kind?” 

“Right agai MacKinnon said. “It's a .22 popgun, but it’s been fiddled with by 
some ambitious New York teenager, and it doesn't shoot .22s anymore, it shoots soft- 
nose .220 Swifts, the kind of thing people use for woodchuck hunting in country like 
this, if you get the picture? I mean, they miss now and then, and the bullet goes a long 
way? 

Haynes didn't answer. He couldn't think of anything that would be effective, or 
even sensible. A warm Sunday in Connecticut, 300 yards or so from his own house, in 
his own woods, clean and parklike. He looked into MacKinnon's face. He didn't think 
the man was crazy, but how could you tell? 

“You have a hell of a long memory, MacKinnon,” he s 
the point of the exercise.” 

You don't?" MacKinnon said. “Golly, it seems simple enough to me: the girl was 
my wile, and you kept laying her. Even when I went around to see you, and told you 
to stop it, and you said vou would, you didn't. You kept right on laying her." 

“One more slice off a cut loaf, if you don’t mind my saying so,” Haynes said. 
ure,” MacKinnon said, “if you mean you weren't the only one. That's right. I 
knew five names. I suppose that you, being in the club, sort of, you might have known 
more. But I had five names. J don't know if you've been keeping in touch, but in the 
last couple of years three of those fellows have passed on, as the saying is.” 

“If you've got me down for number four," Haynes said, “I don't see the point of 
all the conversation." 

“I just wanted to be sure you knew what it was about,” MacKinnon said. "Not 
much sense in it if you didn’t know, right? 
“Why'd you wait so long?" Haynes said. "Seventeen years, for Christ's sake?” 

"I had to," MacKinnon said patiently. “Seventeen years ago, a lot of people knew 
I hated your guts. Somebody would have made the connection. Then, another thing, 
I saw the piece in Time. When J read that last paragraph, the thing where it said you 
could sell out right now for twenty-five million dollars, I thought it was about time for 
you to go. I've always had a theory about it, that it’s a lot harder for rich people to d 
than poor people: they have so much more to live for, right?” 

I should have thought you'd have had another idea,” Haynes said. “I’m surprised 
you didn't think of blackmail.” 

“I did," MacKinnon said. “Ob, I did, I have to admit that.” He leaned against a 
big beech wee beside the path. He crossed shapen black autom 
hung loosely in his hand. He was tall, and very thin, bony, probably nes thought, 
under the loose camouflage suit, under the tweed jacket. He didn't look strong, he 
didn't seem particularly alert . . . “If you're thinking what J think you're thinking, 
Haynes," MacKinnon said, “forget it. You're six-seven [eet away Irom me and you'd 
never make it. And if anybody comes wandering through here, it just means you both 
go. But nobody's going to come wandering through. They haven't for the last thr 
Sundays and they're not going to today. Anyw ying, I did think about it, 
about hitting you for money, but I decided it would be immoral, in the first place, and 


id, “but I really don't see 


fiction 
By KEN W. PURDY 


HELLO, 
CHARLIE, 
GOODBYE 


ILLUSTRATION BY MARVIN HAYES 


PLAYBOY 


mpractical, 100." 

"How, impractical?” Haynes said. “It’s 
jus ordinary blackmail.” 

“Blackm: MacKinnon said, “works 
only whe a permanent setup. If 1 
have a nice flashlight picture of you 
ripping open a church poor box, as long 
I keep the negative, you'll keep send- 
ing the money. But if 1 tell you I'm 
going to kill you if you don't give me 
five hundred thousand dollars, and you 
say OK, that's a deal, and I let you go. 
and say TI) meet you here next Sunday 
for the money, what will be here next 
Sunday will not be you and the money. 
What will be here will be the National 
Guard, every trooper in the state, and 
J. Edgar Hoover personally directing the 
operation from his big chair in the sky.” 

I might give you my word," Haynes 

said. 
Your word isn’t worth a 
MacKinnon said. “You're 
son of a bitch as ever li 
were, And here you've put to 
twenty-five million bucks in fiftee 
all of it in Wall Street, that’s no way 
get a reputation for being a high moral 
pe. I wouldn't believe you if you said 
today was Sund 


quarter. 
s immoral a 
1. You always 
her 
ars, 


y to 


Haynes There are ways of work- 
ing out even very complicated deals." 
“Pm sure Mack. sid. "And 
I'm sure you know . 1 read the 
Time story. What'd they call you? 
rapacious Michael Simpson Haynes, ter- 
ying because he has never know 
satiety...” You should have sued them.” 
“I thought of it,” s said. “I've 
also just thought of a way to make 
little deal with you. How much were y 
thinking of? Half a million?” 
“I wasn’t thinking about any money,” 
MacKinnon said. “You're t 
me into a blackmailer. You can stuff tha 
d the money, too.” 
"Im not uying t0 make you a black. 
ler." Haynes said. "I'm trying t0 keep 
you from being a murdere 
“Murder doesn't enter into it,” M. 
Kinnon said. “I'm not going to murder 
you, I'm going to kill you, execute you. 
‘There's a difference. I'm not doing it in 
hot blood, or passion, or even anger. T 
just decided. seventeen years ago. to kill 
you, and now I'm going to do it." 
“If it weren't murder," Haynes said, 
“you could do it in public, instead of 
the woods, with a silenced gun, wearing 
Boy Scout camouflage suit. 


AIL right" MacKinnon said, “in the 
eyes of the world, and legally and all 
that, I'm going to murder you. But 
the world and the law and so on and so 


er, 


forth, that. doesn't m 
going to get away cle 
is you and me, and we 
well that Fm not m 
ng you because you, personally and 
with malice aforethought, had carnal 
knowledge of my wife. That's the legal 


because I'm 
all that m 
know damned 
dering you, I'm 


? Carnal knowledge. And as 
for doing it in public, you son of a bitch, 
if 1 had you in Texas I could do it in 
public. Just happens we're in Connecti- 
dhance of geography, that’s all.” 
y immoral,” Haynes said. "Much 
wore than black And besides. 
b could take the monkey off 
your back.” 
“What do you me 
"You're obsessed, hooked,” 
said. “Seventeen years thinking about 
one thing, that’s the monkey on your 
back. Youre sick with it, You're broke, 
too. Don't ask me how I know, and don't 
argue about it: it figures. You've got to 
be broke. You dont make any moncy 
spending seventeen. years thinking about 
killing people. If you weren't broke you 
wouldn't be wandering around in the 
woods playing God. Rich is better, you 
know, Ask me: I've had it both wat 
know you better than to ask you 
anything," MacKinnon said. 
"Think about it," Haynes said. “Take 
a figure out of the hat. Take half a mil- 
m. I doubt Vd even miss it. But it 
would be a very big thing in your lif 
You could burn your soldier suit. You 
could give the gun back to the kid in 
New York. In forty-eight hour you 
could be on the Costa Brava. Anyone 
holding five hundred thousand dollars 
in Spain has got to be real rich in five 
years. You couldnt help yourself. 
“Ha al rich, 


Haynes 


Mac- 


y id. 
won siid. "And 
the point is, you've got the half million 
nd I haven't, So I think TIL shoot you 
ow, before you talk me out of it. If I 
don't, I've wasted sevenicen years.” 

"No, you haven't,” Haynes said. “You 
killed those other three jokers, whoever 
they were, you said. You've had that 
much satisfaction. Look, you don't have 
to kill everybody who's ever offended 
My God. if | tried to kill everybody 
ed me ... hell, I wouldn't 
know where to start.” 

“I knew" MacKinnon said. 

“AIL right, you knew where to start," 
Haynes said. “And if you're smart, vou ll 
know where to finish. Here, with half a 
million dollars." 

"A lousy black 
said. 

your brai 
the last sev 
“You we 
10 see me that other time, What's hap- 
pened to you? This stupid hate you've 
been carrying around must have burned 
you out, You can't see the 
difference between. tak 
dollars and taking my lif 

"locam see the dill 
MacKinnon said, “The half million you 
don't mind losing, you couldn't care less, 
but your life, that you want to keep. So 
taking your half million wouldn't be any 


aile," MacKinnon 


must have dried up in 
Haynes said. 


ice, all right" 


at all, and my idea is pun 
a's the whole idea. 
cs said. "The whole idea 
you've had all these years is reven 
a big difference.” 

's no difference to me 
“The whole trouble with you 
id. "is that you're not sell 
Tow do you figure that?" 

"You have this idea of yourself as 
avenging deity of some Kind," Haynes 
id. "You tell yourself you're avenging 
one offense, min ist one person. 
you, but actually you see yourself 
some kind of avenging deity, something 
from outer space. roaming the world 
righting wrong and punishing evildoers. 
You're a crusader, vou sec. Like all 
crusaders you'll die unhappy, and broke. 
You're a Don Quixote kind of. joke 
God knows you're thin enough to be 


* Haynes 


Don Quixote himself, 1 "D think 
you've heen cating very well the last few 
years—bur as T was saving, you're on this 


ideali: 


ck, g round aven; 
my God, you have to ad 
damned silly to be so steamed up, sever 
teen years later, because your ex-wife 
took a few lovers. When did you divorce 
her, anyway?” 


MacKinnon said. 
“So, sixteen years after you divorced 
this girl, you're still going around shoot- 
ing guys who accepted her kind invita- 
tion to a roll in the hay. What are you 
doing, protecting people against her? Is 
she still alive, even? 
I guess she is” MacKinnon said. “I'd 
have heard. But, goddamn it, I'm nor 
protecting anybody against anybody or 
anything, m ju 
You ought to let me finish," H; 
said. "Whatever you're doing, you're 
being driven by an unselfish motivation, 
ad that’s silly. It’s not even morally 
right. One of the wisest 
always argued that selfishness brings the 
most happiness, not only to oneself, but 
to the people around one, and he makes 
a hell of a case for it. Take yourself. 
Don't wy to tell me that. killing these 
other three characters has made you hap- 
py. You're not happy. You're miserable, 
You're down, depressed, beat. Killing me 
isn't poing to make you [eel any beuer. 
Probably make you feel worse. Suppos- 
i. on the other hand, you were sud 
denly rich. Believe me wil 
you'd feel gre 
money doesn't bring happiness, and you 
ask them to point out an example, what 
do they come up with? "They come up 
with some bum who's third generation 
rich, full of guilt feelings because he 
doesn't like to think how grandpa made 
the mone the slave trade or some- 
thing; he's probably a drunk and he's 
been married twenty-two times. Of 
course he's miserable, You notice they 
never point to somebody who was broke 
(concluded on page 72) 


nes 


I know has 


director roger vadim, creator of 
kinematic sex kitten brigitte bardot, 
adds a touch of continental 

catnip to jane fonda's 
+ all-american appeal 


Not until she was 20 did the 
lovely, leggy (58^) daughter of 
Henry Fonda finally decide to 
follow in her talented father's 
footsteps. Why the delay 
“When people asked me 

why I L an actress," 

she re 
them if I couldn't be 


Ils, “I would tell 


the best, I wouldn't be 
an 


* Following 
» a brief stint at New 
BP York's Actors Studio, 

she made her debut 

on the boards in 

There Was a Little Girl 

and walked off with a 

Drama € 
though the play folded in its 


Award, even 


third week. Todi 


five Broadway bows and several 
starring film assignments 

{including the title role 

in the award-winning 

Cat Ballon), Jane—already 

ranked as one of Hollywood's 
leading lovelies—is being 
converted into a Continental 
femme fatale by Roger Vadim, 
former husband and movie mentor 
of France's foremost cinematic sex symbol, 
Brigitte Bardot. Jane, married to Vadim 
shortly after their first filmic collaboration, in 


Gircle of Love, will-oon receive maximum 
Exposure in his La Gurée and make her own 
Bardot like bid for international acclaim 


Preparing for a run-through of the 
poolside seduction scene from his 
forthcoming film adaptation of Zola’s 
novel “La Curée," bespectacled Roger 
Vadim offers a few Gallic directorial 
gems lu his pretty protégée-wife, 
Jane Fonda, and her British co-star, 
Peter McEnery. A firm fan of the 
Continental cinematic approach 
(“They actually pay you for making 
loce" ), Jane made her French film 
debut in Vadims “Circle of Love," 
after which she and the creator of screen 
siren Bardot pooled their talents 

by adding marriage to movies 


Having doffed her robe for an undress rehearsal of her nudest film scene to date, the monokinied Miss Fonda checks the filmscript 
for a last-minute look at her lines, then takes a few cues from her leading man prior to plunging ahead for the final take 


Although she once balked at the idea of posing for a series of provocative publicity shots with her first filmic co-star, Tony Perkins, today's 
Jane shows no signs of getting cold feel as she takes to the water with true topless élan to establish a new cinematic image for herself. 


An expert swimmer since childhood, Jane has little difficulty handling her aquatic assignment. “I spent half of my life wanting to be a 
hoy," says Jane, explaining her tomboy flair for athletics, “because I wanted to be like my father.” In terms of stardom, she's succeeding 


Our water nymphette emerges from pool, wrapping herself in warm robe al conclusion of scene. 
Right: Pastoral photo of nude Jane Fonda has appearance of fine painting by French master 


PLAYBOY 


72 


HELLO, CHARLIE 


umil he was forty and the rited 
ten million dollars. You bet they don 
because that joker is the happiest 
going. 
“Soz” MacKinnon said. 

So," Haynes said, “you should sm: 
en up, get selfish, and get happy. I sa 
you're crazy, and you give me an argu- 
ment, and say you're not. Just suppose 
we went out and stopped the first six 
people who passed on 
asked them, This chara 
hundred thousand dollars lying 
feet and he won't pick it up. Is he a 
or not? What would they say?” 


five 


cept that it isn’t lying at my fee 
there's no way it can be. Mind you, I'm 
not agreeing, I'm not saying lll go for 
your blackmail p ion, but if I did, 
Td still be nowhere, bectuse what 1 said 
tes ago still goes: when I came 
for the money every cop between here 
nd New York would be waiting.” 

Haynes said. “Absolutely 
not true. Because, look, granted l'm not 
a towering moral figure, still I'm not a 
louse either. What have I got against 
you, if you don't kill me, except that you 
could have, and didn't? Haven't 1 got to 
feel grateful to you for that? And what 
have you got against me, really? Noth 
ing, except that when a very good-look- 
y girl made it plin, nearly two 
decades ago. that she'd like to go to bed 
with me, 1 bought it. Come on, Charlie, 
you'd have done the same thing. You did 
do the same thing, you bastard! You 
were Terrie’s second husband. She told 
me she was still married to her first hus- 
band when the two of you made out the 
first time. So here you are, all set to 
shoot me lor something you did first, 
nd with the same girl, and. you claim 
you're moral and I'm not! You ought to 
be ashamed of yourself. As for the cops, 
I told you before, that's no problem, gi 
ing you the money. Alter all, 1 want to 
give it to you. And you can forget that 
nonsense about picking it up out here in 
the woods. I'm going to give you a bearer 
draft for the money. You know what a 
Dearer draft is?” 

^] think so,” MacKinnon said. 

“Ies cash,” Haynes said. "Is a pay-on- 
sight thing. All right, you'll have to sign 
sign it Adolf 
you feel like it. You can sign i 
with an X n cash it in New York 
or you can cash it in Istanbul." 

“There are cops both place 
Kinnon said. 


a receipt, and you 


Hitler 


Mac. 


ynes said, "this deal i 
like every other deal: it can't be done 
unless there's at least a little trust going 
both ways. Now listen to me. In my 
house I've got a wall safe, and in the 
wall safe there is a litle emergency mon 
ey: forty thousand dollars. Also in my 


is 


(continued from page 61) 


house is some fiftyyearold Kentucky 
int you to trust me when 1 
1 you to come into my 
ake the forty thou- 
st money, just 
to show you that Fm leveling with you 
ind blow. All you have to do is leave me 
in address for the sight draft, and it can 
be in Hong Kong, L don't cue, IH send 
it where, four hundred and sixty 
thousand doli . Vm poing 
to trust you to the point of tur 
back, right now, and walking down thc 
path to the house. If you still want to 
shoot me. now's the time for it. 
Mac non watched him walk 
He didn't lift the automatic. Haynes 
turned his head. 
You coming, Charlie?" he said. 
MacKinnon put the gun away. 
Haynes waited for him and they went 


54 


the rest of the way together. It was a big 
house, standard Colonial, stone and 
white. 


There's no one here. 
"I know," MacKinnon 
The wall safe was in Haynes’ second- 

floor study, and so was the bourbon, 

The bourbon was dark and smooth. The 

safe was full of rabberbanded bundles 

of money. Haynes took them all out. 
“You could wrap it in your suit,” he 
told. MacKinnon. MacKinnon unzipped 
and stepped out. He was, as Haynes had 
guessed, thin and bony. It was easy to 
see the long bulge under his right arm 
where the automatic sat He rolled the 
money into a tight brown-and-green-and- 
black bundle and stood up. 
"You can send the bearer dr 
del 


ft to gen- 


ternoon,” Haynes 
He kd MacKinnon to the door. 
said so long, but MacKinnon 
answer. Haynes watched. Ma 
ight down the driveway 
. curving, tree-lined, and the 
ad was hidden. Hay n up three 
flights of stairs to the glassed-in captain's 
valk on the roof. He had to wait 30 sec- 
onds or so before Macki ared, 
walking on the road. 
ran down and picked up the phor 

Harold?” he said. "Mike Haynes. 
Look, a fellow’s just left my house, he's 
walking down the road toward your 
place, and I suspect he may have left a 
car in your woods, that old logging road 
of yours 1 wonder if you'd be good 
enough to ask one of your sons to check 
this for me? I wouldn't want the man to 
know he’s being watched, you see, not at 
all... right... if he has got a car 
there what kind it is, what color... Tm 
sure. They'd know better than you or I 
would, no question about it. Thanks.” 

Haynes’ neighbor called back. It was a 
blue von and the kid had got the 


didn't 
Kinnon out of 


It was lon 


not fast 


first four digits on the tag. It was enough. 
Haynes called the police and gave it to 


them, with a nice description. of. the 
stick-up man driving it, his gun and 
the serial numbers of the They 


mailed him before he'd gone ten miles 
Haynes went around to the barracks to 
identify him and make the charges. Mac 
Kinnon wouldn't look at him. 

When it was all over, and he was 
home again, Haynes gave himself a big 
drink and sat down to think about iv 
He had a good memory, a bridge player's 
memory, and he repeated the whole di- 
alog to himself. He felt that it had been, 
all in all, a tour de force. He had blulled 
MacKinnon, confused him, switched 
him, smothered him in lies and illog- 


maniac into a dump who thought they 
were buddies. He was pleased with him- 
self. He would be careful, of coi 
follow through. And follow th 
did. Charlie MacKinnon felt the weight 
of money. He came to know that if 
somebody knocked a hole in the wall 20 
feer square and the whole prison popu- 
lation started through, still he wouldn't 
mike it. He wasn't actually chained to 
his cell door, but he might as well hy 
been. 

Michael Haynes heard about him now 
and then. He had made arrangements 
for information, starting with the ob 
vious one: if MacKinnon ever did get 
over the wall, Haynes would know about 
it five minutes after the warden did. But 
he didn't worry, and after two or 
years he had the whole matter well in 
the back of his mind. He had other 


three 


things to occupy him. He led a full life 
One Saturday morning he turned into 
y down a wom- 
ad 


the driveway and halfw 
à was running toward him, a redh 
a white dress, good-looking, yelli 
Mike, you stinker, where've you been? 
He didn't recognize her, but that proved 
little. She came up to the car, charming 
ly out of breath. 
when I siw you coming,” she said, 
now you don't even remember me 
Haynes admitted. it. 
"Never mi she said. 
pared." 
e gave him a folded square of pa 


lawn 
and 


I ran across the 


pre- 


per. The message was written in pencil 
“Meet my sien? jt read. “Charlie 
Mack." When Haynes looked up, the 


girl had his ignition key in one hand and 
the twin of MacKinnon's 22 in the other. 
She was still smiling merrily, though. 
ul Haynes wok a deep breath and 
smiled back at hi 

“Tell me,” he 
old. popgu 

"My brother said I wasn't to let you 
talk,” the redhead said. He heard the 
fist one. lt noise like chupp! 
He didn't hear the other three. 


s that. Charlie's 


made a 


THE MANUSCRIPT OF DOCTOR ARNESS 


with the brief life span allotted to us all, what price should a man pay for a chance at immortality? 


fiction by 


GAHAN WILSON 


good idea to leave beh 


BEFORE 1 DO WHAT 1 MUST bo, I suppose it would be ; 
sh monuments. But thei 


d an explanation. I generally detest 
most suicides themselves are pathetic 


. often maw 


suicide notes. They tend to be pathet 
and mawkish—the puerile resolution to a neurotic stupidity. 
I do love life, Perhaps not as passionately as some men do, or say they do, but I love it. J am not pleased at the 


idea of giving it up. If I could discover 
no alternative. 
My main rea 


nd ord 


ny reasonable alternative 1 would not, even now, give it up. But there is 


is to leave behind a warning. Because 1 am brilli: 


son for writing t 
ry men are hardly 


Mt, what E have done is bril- 
ity to blunder into anyth t 


aged in 


liani 


ngen: 


kely to have the requi 
brill may be 
an experiment sin are of where it ng them. E address myself to this elite. 

It is ironic that 1 have been pushed into suicide because of an attempt to prolong my lile. Li 
1 have always been galled by the tiny span allotted to us by a supposedly benefic 
(tained a state of ma 
Newton or a Kepler, oi 


e my prese 


this world and some of them, ev 


pr but there are many oth 


men i 


now, 


10 my own, u 


e most thinking 
t providence. A man 
ded 
ccomplished il his cr 


rc efficiency before he finds himself advancing rapidly into 
Beethoven or a Dante could 


en extended. Imagine, to take an example. how much richer our artistic heritage would be had 
Cezanne been given a mere decade more of productive existence. 


The stretching out of old age has my sympathy, but not much of my interest, HET had lived to be a totter 


cient. I suppose I would be as eager for a few more blurry years as they appear to be, but I do not sce any particular 
value for the race as a whole in the prolongation of an individual long after he has (continued on page 157) 


ILLUSTRATION BF ROBERT LOSTUTTER 


73 


summer cuisine with a roman accent 


ro wosr FLEDGLING food fanciers, the mere mention of 
Iralian cuisine all 100 often conjures up weighty images 
of veal parmesan and chicken caccatore served up with 
brimming bowls of hot pasta—fine, filling fare in their 
proper places, but by ne means do they indicate the full 
extent of Italy's Lucullan art, which adjusts itself to sea 
sonal changes with imaginative aplomb. In summer, Ko- 
md feast 
d 


asy 


»urme 


: wisely pass up heavy olferir 
instead on light dishes of succulent shellfish, salads 
seafoods in delicate sauces. Many of the viands are so 
10 whip up. in fact. that they don't need cooking at all, but 
ad to quickly prepare 


just the lightest sort of Italian ha 
them in a fashion ordained by the season. This casygoing 
Italian culinary attitude stands the natives in good stead 
during the dog days, when a casual picnic in the country 
is a must. In tiny Italian villages, as well as in the boom- 
ing metropolises, vou € vorty little FIATs (to say 
nothing of sporty big Ferraris) racing through town 
with parcels of mussels and rice lads, tomatoes stuffed 
with seafood, chicken pepperoni, ricotta. and Spanish 
nd other forms of rich vivande on 
sale at neighborhood groceries all helping t0 make at 
1 picnic preparation presto. presto. 
And those shops that hungry explorers in Italy have 
recognized by the welcome sign salumeria 
springing up like wild garlic across the United States. 
gs are forests of ready-to-enjoy 


pies, and a thous: 


home cookery i 


e now 


Dangling from their ceilir 
loods—salamis, dried or fresh, thick or thin, mild or 
peppery; and pear-shaped provelone cheeses in rope 
nesis, ranging in size from little provoleti to giants 
weighing in at hundreds of pounds. As a summer substi- 
imie for weighty hot-weather viules, try your light [lian 
hand on such foodstuffs as luscious corned legs of pork 
called. zampino, slices of. paper-thin prosciutto to wrap 
around wedges of ice-cold melons or figs, freshly baked 
loaves of crisp Italian bread. and bottles of sweet red and 
yellow peppers well pickled in vinegar, The bachelor who 
wants to prepare fresh Italian salads, sandwiches and 
cold platters has an endless variety from which to choose. 

America’s Italian-food counters are always piled high 
with a wealth of delicacies; some come from ltaly or 
some are made in 


other parts of the Mediterranean are 
this country, but all are inspired all’ italiana. Even tuna 
fish has an Italian counterpart, such as imported Mediter 
rancan tuna fillets in olive oil. 

Olive oil is the backbone of Italian cuisine. Ancient 
Romans drank it before a banquet to ward olf hangovers. 
Romans today are more positive in their approach. An 
Italian bagna cauda is simply a fondue pot or. chafing 
dish containing olive oil or olive oil and mehed butter 
flavored with anchovies and garlic, then used for appeuz- 
ers that can be dipped. Fake any cold. food—a spear of 
cooked asparagus, a piece of fennel or a tiny arti 
heart—dip it for a moment (continued on page 150) 


ioke 


food 


By THOMAS MARIO Q 


YS CONTE-OLSAVOIA BY ALEXAS UREA 


76 


Sarah Lawrence of Arabia whispered: “Israel 


Bond, why do you want to climb upon my body 


j^ 


He answered passionately, “Because it’s there.” 


ON 


THE SECRE 
HIS MAJESTY 


T SERVICE OF 


HE QUEEN 


wherein agent oy oy seven, israel bond, makes beautiful music with the mysterious 
sarah lawrence of arabia, guards sahd sakistan’s precious potentate, baldroi 
lefagel, and gambles with his very life in the nefarious tush’s cockamamie casino 


CONCLUSION of a parody 
By SOL WEINSTEIN 


SYNOPSIS: The proud country of Israel, as well as 
Secret Agent Oy Oy Seven, Israel Bond, were really up 
against it this time, and it would require all of the 
latter's leonine courage, low-grade wit and sexual irre- 
sponsibility to pull them out. 

The unregenerate ten-man Nazi cabal known as TUSH 
(Terrorist Union for Suppressing Hebrews) was striking 
against them on all fronts, spearheaded by the warped 
scientific genius of Dr. Ernst Holzknicht and the tran- 
scendent evil of the loathsome hag in the wheelchair, 
Auntie Sem-Heidt, she of the mad-dog yellow eyes and 
the external plastic heart. 

Operating out of a brilliant and profitable front— 
Shivs, the world’s preferred gambling casino located in 
the tiny Arabian enclave of Sahd Sakistan—tusw’s sec- 
ondary aim was to weaken the enclave for take-over by 
murdering its king, Hakmir. The murder having been 
carried out, only the brave, veiled mystery woman of the 
desert, Sarah Lawrence of Arabia, slood in TUsH's 
nefarious way. 


Its major aim, of course, was the destruction of the 
land of Israel by means of “Operation Alienation.” 
Herr Doktor's ingenious plot to eradicate the one emo 
tional clement (outside of Georgie Jessel) that binds 
the Jews of the Western world to Isracl—Jewish food. 
Thus, three continents were rocked by 4999 bombings 
of Jewish businesses involved with the manufacture 
and serving of pastrami, chopped liver, seltzer, heart- 
burn, etc., including the very factory operated by 
Mother Margolies in Israel as a cover for the Isracli 
Secret Service. Scores died in the blasts; M herself was 
crippled and confined to a wheelchair, 

By chance, the vacationing Israel Bond had thwarted 
the 5000th bombing at his brother Milton's catering 
house, the Pinochle Royale, by intercepting and staging 
a fight to the death with Tusa agent James Bund. 

Eager lo return to Eretz Israel and to have at these 
rst ghouls, Bond, to his chagrin, found himself being 
sent on another mission, one he considered degrading 
He was to guard the heir to Hakmir's throne, a long-lost 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY HY ROTH 


son. Bond soon made the unscitling discovery that the 
new king was none other than the epicene Baldroi 
LeFagel, the swishy, angry poet-novelist who lusted 
for the Hebraic Hercules in the ""Matzohball" caper 
(rLavnoy, December 1965). 

But orders were orders. In the course of his new as- 
signment, Oy Oy Seven was forced to don a dress, in 
which guise he blocked an assassination attempt on 
LeFagel at London's. Gayboy Club by killing Willi 
Marlene, of xusu's section for killer queers—the Gayfia! 

It was Z, jovial restaurateur Ziggy Gershenfeld, who 
deduced the fearful aims of the Naz scheme after Bond 
had uncovered a tusu spy in the very heart of Jerusalem 
and had made him talk. It was clear that Bond's assign- 
ment was dovetailing with Eretz Israel's plan for coun- 
terattack, He was told, “Fly to Sahd Sakistan, keep 
LeFagel alive and on the throne, crash into Shivs, get 
the evidence on TUSH, and save Judaism!” 

Hiya Kuryakin would have blanched at that order 
and cried, "UNCLE!" . . . Derek Flint would have 
jumped inside his cigarette lighter; even James Bond 
would have said, "Uh, uh." But not Israel Bond! (Thank 
God. Or we'd have no story.) 

Now Bond was winging his way to Sahd Sakistan. 


TF STARTED its nerve-racking attack on his system the 
moment the Air-India jet roared down the Lydda air- 
strip—the old feeling. 

Israel Bond, the most monumental task of his career 
awaiting him, lit a Raleigh and tried to stifle the li- 
bidinal monster inside him that was clamoring for re- 
lease by poring over the bulky report M, Z and Op Chief 
Beame had compiled for him. 

"Sex Sexistan"—steady there, Oy Oy Seven; your eyes 


An hour before his coronation, LeFagel entreated 
Bond, “Soon I shall be king officially, but I'd give 
it all up—power, fame and money—if you'd consent 
to go away with me, O Hebraic captor of my heart.” 


From the harsh triumph in the iron voice it was clear that Auntie Sem-Heidt had not come to repent. “ Die, vile creator 
of chicken soup!” she cried and, pressing a button on her wheelchair, she sent a steel projectile whizzing toward M. 


PLAYBOY 


78 


are playing tricks. Push this depi 
from your mind. “Sahd Sakistan"— 
better—"is a territory about the 
Assault Lorraine." Alace-Lorrai 
pitiful. sex-haunted. wretch! 
Tt was then Miss Mookerj 


^, the olive- 
skimmed. cbony-eyed hostess in the filmy 


red sari, a blue dot on her forehead, 
swayed by his seat. “Can I be of service 
w vou, Mr. Bond?” the sweet mou 
spoke its polite 

“L think not, Miss Mookerjie." Some- 
how his long, tapering fingers were clos 


ing around her willowy calf. He forced 
h 


“It has bec 
ld War fence with 

lustrate, the Sahd Sakist 
red. white and blue eagle clutching a 
Y and sickle, beneath which is the 
moto. IN GOD WE TRESI—IF THERE IS 
ovr. hs principal exports are oil and 


adre 


d wis up to the buttersorch 
softness of the back of her knee, her 
of Lestoil spray causing his nostrils 
to twitch, He slammed the report to the 
loor. “Miss Mookerjie! Follow me 
kly or PU faint!” He clutched at his 
«d stumbled toward the alcove 
ween first-class and tourist, where the 
re food and drink, She 
eyes wide with con- 


stewardesses prep 
was on his heels, h 
Once inside, he pulled th 
«| pointed to an L D. bracelet on 
l... read nd 
"st the sink 

the inscrip 


he fell gasping ag 

Miss Mookerjie looked a 
the bracelet, then into the tor 
gray eyes, and smiled, "Of 
Her nimble fingers flew to 
nls and in five sec 


mented 


is 
i do her 


her 


— 
by the falling of the si 


veale 
kles. 
the 


slender 
With 


unruffled efficiency of a 
of the air, she stripped 
ass onepiece skydiver 
lithe, hard body and 


ad against his chest. 
y name is Israel. O solicitous dau 
ter of the Ganges," he said through 
cyanotic lips. 
she bre 
"Look. baby.” he snapped. "1 know 
where. Vve done this before. 
Mr. Bond—Indira—i's 


my 
name." 

Now they knew cach other's names 
nd that made it so real, so right, and 
lips, red once again, were sip- 
fre hers. "Dri 
hoarse, his body 
rged with expectation, as his hand 


bore a vial of desire-igniting Gallo Wine 
to her lips, setting her afire, and they 
began a fantastic flight pattern to 


fulfillment 150 miles an hour faster than 
the jet was going, making a mid-air ad- 
ment to correct any weightlessness, 
and they collapsed omo a carpet. of 


somethii nd shimmer 


ng green 
and cont 
Us this sticky green stuff, Taj 
dolly?” He prayed she would 
favor with the sparklingly conceived 


Ww. spent 


Teposing upon the Royal gel- 
which was to have been the dessert 
on this light. 

Two jer sire 


ms of Raleigh smoke 


sted the window. “Lying on Royal 
gelatin, ch?" His gray eyes danced. with 
levity. “I guess this is what they mean by 


but he aborted the wit- 
on fit of good taste. 
the moment this 
1 grant- 
t blue dot on your fore- 
Indira; it's gone.” 

d his Raleigh. “Yes, 1 am a 
caste and that 
fter 1 make love. 


a Roy 
ucism in 


She 
member of the Sylvan 


blue dot disappears a 


Back in his seat, Bond was disgusted 
with himself for employing the old L D. 
bracelet gambit. He held it up to the 
light. “I am alfliced with a rare phe 


nomenon known as satairíasis and must 
ve sexual contact lest I go into con. 
vulsions that could prove f 
result in misfornme to 


| to me and 
the 


King Baldroi, his eyes two mah 
darts, | cross the aisle. "I sa 
y-panky with the host- 


tome, now; tell me. 
did you two do in there? Did she 
force you to commit natural acts?" 


"Knock it off, LeFagel 
the choice of words. T 
will sure as hell twi 


He regretted 
litle bastard 
t them into his own 
frame of reference. To his surprise, Le 
Fagel did not, ping a sheet of 
scrawled-upon yellow paper into his lap. 


Tiger, tiger, burning bright, 

In the darkness of the night, 

You've made an incredibly stupid 
bungle, 

You've set fire to the whole damn 
jungle. 


Good-o! 
move awi 


cFagel's showing a definite 
y from the aridity of his ho- 
mosexual orientation. Though 1 wish he 
wouldn't pet Neon Zion's head quite so 
often, Well. I guess Rome wasn't bu 
in a day. Although Levittown was. 
When the jet dipped over the Gulf of 
Aden, he saw the name “U. S.S. JEW” 
on the side of the mighty airar: 
whose decks were laden with neat rows 
of silvery Chickenhawk jet fighter-bomb- 
ers. Sound psychology, Bond admitted. 
America already had one called “WASP.” 
But what w ier doing anchored 
oll Sahd S: è 

He found out as he stood in the Cus- 
toms shed watching his Mercedes Ben 
n lowered to the sandy soil by a 
Ir. Bond?" An inspecior nudged 
You're. wanted in the office.” 
led for LeFagel and Neon 
ked through a passage- 


crane. 
his elbow 


Bond sign 
to follow and wa 


as dus 
ied Double Oy € dit was 
made from cedars of Lebanon. When hc 
feh the object dig into the small of his 
k, his mind 
number 71 fron 
nself had 


clicked o 
the old 


position 


"ous Sex and Sell 
fell to his knees with a 


the voice with a 
“OK. Oy Oy Seven 
dulled onc 


note of 
I see your reflexes 
iota. On your feet. 

That twangy New England 1! So 
redolent of BR M Baked Beans in dark 
brow . raucous gulls swooping out 
of a leaden sky to carry olf stray Porti 
guesse children, The Splen 
Ted Williams. 
two, then spitting to right. 
der, it w 

Monroe! 
lobster lob, you! 
hugged the saw 
dour puritani 


ece 


delight he 
n with the 
whose sli, 


frame scemed 
Gloucester —Mun. 
roe Gosh ions chief of ihe 
Central. Iniellis Agency's. Mid-East 
Section, who h: a spine 


chilling hours of the Loxfinger caper 
h Bond in Eretz Isra 
g ar the physical manifesta 
1 "Well. i 
about tells the story, you heartbreakii 
Hebrew. Is the ‘fay fags who turn you 
on, right, Whitey 

Bond pushed the querulous monarch 
away. “Look, your Highness. ‘This man's 
an old fighting chum of mine. I suspect 
he’s here for the same reason I am. to 
keep your hide intact, so drop the green 


cyed-monster 
Goshen intro ound 
“True, your Highness. My men and 1 


came here on a c 
of a good-will tou 
orders from the Tall Texan t0 keep yo 
on the throne. If Sahd Sakistan goes 
Commie, we could lose a billion barrels 
of oil a year. Let's continue this discus 
sion at my embassy. You'll all be my 
guess for dinner. Don't worry, Mr 
Bond. CIA agem Brown will deliver 
that razzledazzle car of yours 10 the pal 
ace. Now, lets away. 

When the Customs inspector observed 
th ^ black 5 " 
with the United States seal on its (am 
was well on the 10 Baghs-Groove 
the capital city, he picked up the tele- 
phone and dialed an unlisted number 
He spoke for two minutes, then quaked 
as the iron voice issued instructions. "Ja 
mein lieber Gerda.” 

The Customs inspector walked to the 
spot where the Mercedes Ben Gurion 
had been deposited by the crew. “Just 
onc moment, gentlemen. T must. affix 

(continued on page %) 


ier, ostensibly as part 
bur e definite 


we 


Gosh ulac limou 


THE DEATH OF GOD 


a renowned “christian atheist” proclaims and defines the 
radical new concept of christianity without a supreme being 


opinion By THE REVEREND WILLIAM HAMILTON 


“Have you ever heard of the madman who on a bright morning lighted a lantern and vau to 
Godl'—. 
standing about who did not believe in God, he caused a great deal of amusement. Why! is he 
lost? said one. Has he strayed away like a child? said another. Ov does he keep himself hidden? 
Is he afraid of us? Has he taken a sea-voyage? Has he emigraled?—the people cried out laugh: 
ingly. all in a hubbub. The insane man jumped into their midst and transfixed them with his 
glances.‘ Where is God gone? he called out. E mean to tell you! We have killed him—you and I! 
We ave all his murderers! . . . 

“Do we nol smell the divine putrefaction?—for even Gods putrefy! God is dead! Gad re- 


the market place calling out unceasingly: "I seek Gad! I see s there were many people 


mains dead! And we have killed hin! How shall we console ourselves, the most murderous of 


all murderei 
to become Gods, merely to seem worthy of it? There never 


- Is nol the magnitude of this deed too great for us? Shall we nat ourselves have 


as a greater event—and on account 


of it, all who are born after us belong to a higher history than any history hitherto! —Here 
the madman was silent and looked again at his hearers: they also were silent and looked at him 
in surprise, At last he threw his lantern on the ground, so that il broke in pieces and was extin 
guished. I come too early, he then said, ‘I am not yel at the right time. This prodigious event 


is still on its way, and is traveling—it has not yet reached men's ears . 2" 

These wild and lovely words, written by Friedrich Nietzsche toward the close of the Last 
century, have recently broken loose from the obscurity of lecture, textbook and mono: 
graph, into the incomprehending world of cocktail party, newsmagazine with intellectual pre- 
tensions and television. Why? What has happened? Is there really an event. properly called 
“the death of God"? Or is the current chatter enveloping the phrase simply another of the 
vents afflicting our time? 
th of God has happened. To those of us with gods, and to those without. To 
the indillerent, the cynical and the fanatical. God is dead, whatever that means, To some, this is 
an event of terror, warranting tears and the wi g of requiems. In the above passage, Nietzsche 
seems to reflect some of this cosmic horror. But to others, the event is one of great liberation and 
ot keeping one from something, but making something newly possible, in this 
1 faith. In another connection, Nieusche knew this joy as well. 


many no 
vo. The de: 


joy: an event 
case the 


“In fact, we... [ecl ourselves irradiated as by a new dawn by the report that the ‘ald God is 
dead’; our hearts overflow with gratitude, astonishment, presentiment and expectation. At last 
the horizon seems open once more, granting even that it is not bright; our ships can at last put 
out to sea in face of every danger; every hazard is again permitted to the discerner; the sea, our 
sea, again lies open bejore us; perhaps never before did such an ‘open sea’ exist.” 


Iam a Christian theologian by profession; 1 have recently been involved in the death-ol 
God fuss, and I am, as well, committed to the death of God as a theological and human event 

It is hard to know just exactly why the furor started last fall. 1 had been defending the 
death of God, off and on for years, on C.B.S. television programs. coast to coast, as the saving 
goes. But this was in the decent obscurity of the Sunday-morning cultural ghette 

lly listens to the words people say on television anyhow, What matters is if vc 
like Hugh Downs. A book or two came out in 1963, and in 1904 
to appear ng a common interest in de 
us seemed to be working similar lines, and crities—bath fearful and interested be; 
movement, and we looked around and decided that perhaps they were right. This was 
in Protestant theology to take place since the communications ex 
plosion of the early Fifties, and no one was prepared for the rapidity of informa 
when the snow! ted to pick up momentum, A handful of 
by a bland weekly Protestant journal (which in turn is earnestly monitored by the religion 
editors of the weekly newsmagazines), provided perhaps the real (continued on page 84) 


nd no one 


us 
the first decisive alter 


79 


PHOTOGRAPHY RY NOX ORNITZ 


Tas suser, urban males who'd rather jet than jog across the Great 
Plains will be styling up their wardrobes with wearables right off the 
range. Togs with a touch of the Old West are now creating their own 
trends by giving the rest of the country a new look in casualwcar. Pic 
tured on these pages are fashion firsts, just as sartorially acceptable in 
Chicago in CI ine. They offer a comfortable change for both the 


summer months and the early fall. The perfect garb for roughing it on 
patio or adventuring well armed with picnic basker and cooler 
mpagne, Western wear combines the dash and practicality of 


Swinging lads, left to right, are in lomb’s- wool cardigan, $19, and worsted slacks, 
$20, both by Pendleton; and hapsack-stitch waol pullover. by Towne & King, $17. 
with permanent-press slacks, by Day's, $8. Guy an the gramophone winds up in a 
lomb’s-wool pullover, by Towne & King, $16, and worsted slacks, by Pendleton, 
$20. Fellow above wears a denim pullover, by Siltan, $12; saddle champ below 
sports denim bush jacket, by Silton, $20, with worsted slacks, by Cactus Casvals, $9. 


Xu 


e aaa à 


82 


tion look tha 
al Western fabrics, including c 
t the pace for the stampede of new f 
im shirts have multiple buttons on 
butiondown collars and a tight, tapered 

h wim-fitting, prefaded blue 
s that come already looking well worn. Other 
or include Western models that keep 
their press while offering such r ountry touches 
as extra-wide belt loops that easily accommodate 
a brassbuckled cowboy belt. Another style to set 
your sights on is a multistriped sleeveless pull- 
over that makes an ideal accessory for yachting or 
riding 


her gets 
rough. Western-look sports coats have a rugged flair 
that makes an elegant change from the us 
mer scene that's often been dominated by m 
One item we've been boosting is the bush 
Wrangler-rigged adaptations are now appe: 
colors such as a soft moss green, that combi 
spirit of Kenya with the flavor of Wyon 
Western look is coming on strong 
awene 


g. The 
ardigan 
- A six buton lamb'swool model goes well 
h worsted slacks and makes a welcome. fashi 

ation for cool treks into the mou 
fill out your summer wardrobe 
ables that have alrea 


n 
ains. SO 
ith spirited wear- 
lv won the West and are 
now rapidly conquering the rest of the. country. 


Surrounded by fillies, our mon, top, is in o hopsock jacket 
featuring yoke front, $33, worn with short-sleeved wool 
shirt, $14, ond worsted trousers, $20, oll by Pendleton. 
Making with the horseplay, lod at right weors a cotton 
denim bultondown shirt, $9, with coltan denim jeans, S11, 
ond leather belt, $4, all by Fred Segal. Chap at for right 
enjoys en end-of-trail respite in heavy colon denim 
shirt, by Martin, $13, over hapsack jeons, by levis, $7. 


PLAYBOY 


DEATH OF GOD (continued from page 79) 


trigger last fall An excellent analysis 
by a young New York Times reporter 
was syndicated. quite widely, and a 


her inellectual and tired piece in 
Time made the kind of mark that metec 
tual and tired pieces in Time olen do. A 
conlused New Yorker series on the "new 
theology” added words without sense to 
e scene, 1 last, the religion-desk 
people in wire services. local chains and 
papers moved in and rewrote the re 
written work of others. By about C 
mas, the non-evenis and the events were 
thoroughly mixed together, 


stile reac- 


tions were being recorded to words never 
uutered, institutions were upset, uustees 
and 


perplexed, colle bewildered 
hostile, and in general the reac 
news and publicity was beca 
of the news and. publicity, which in turn 
engendered more r 
For a while it looked reaction 
had become the event, and otherwise 
sensible Christian critics decided 19 re 
ject the deateof Cod. theology on the 
grounds that it was faddish and begin- 
ning to turn up at cocktail parties. As 
time went om. and cooler heads. pre- 
vailed. it was apparently decided. that 
mention at cocktail parties is evidence 
for neither the wuth nor falsity of an 
idea. 

One of the conseq 


ues 


ces of the mish- 
mash character of the intellectual life of 
our day is that it makes clarity and. pre- 
licul to obi Death of 
difficult, complex, rather mys- 
ous idea, and Fd like to set down 
some of the meanings that it scems to me 
to have today. 

There is no question about it: "d 
of God" is a suiking, rhetorica 
offensive | We deathofGod 
ologians do not call ourselves that in 
rder to give olfens 
Traditional religio 
about the "disappearance 
or “eclipse” or “silence 
means, by thee words, that men do not 
enjoy the experience of 
presence of God. The pre 
ence is, from time 10 time, withd 
and men cannot count on the 
character of its reir. This is à commo 
enough reli lirmation in our time, 
but it is mot we death-of-God 
people are talking about. We 
about a real loss, a real doing withou 
and—whatever we do expect of the fu- 
ture—we do not expect the return of the 
Christian. God, open or disguised 
h of God” sounds not only offen- 
ids arrogant. It seems t0 s 
gest not only that this experience 
happened to us, but that it has, or ought 
tw have, happened to everybody. 
Death? seems to legislate for you 


ath 
and 
the- 


n 


ning, or 


well as to illuminate for me, This is, 
however, not as great a problem as first 
appears We death-of God theologi 


along with a good many others today. 
accept without reservation. the 
tic intellectual and spiritual climate of 
our time. We may fight passionately for 
hold. But we have given up be- 
that there is something about 
Christians that makes our views inevita 
ble or necessary or (by definition) better 
than alternatives. We merely represent 
one of the possible intellectual options 
today. We expect to be listened to. il wi 
say anything honest : 
expect to listen. Given this re 
the ut sound to the dec 
God's death is partly ov 

"There is, incidentally. a pr 
n the shocking cha 
phrase “death of God." It t not 
something that conventio ious 
people or bishops or officials can pick up 
id use in their own w ag. “Why, 
we've been saying that all along.” There 
are those who feature this kind of com 
placency, but it as tough to do it with 


ivis 


icr. of 


y, say 


“death of God.” The phrase is. you 
might say, nonsoluble in holy water, 
even when uttered with extreme unctiou 


firmation of the death of God is 
n in two senses, Et is, lor the n 
part. made by Christian theologians, 
(Not entirely, however, and a dialog 
between Christians and Jews around this 
idea is coming into being, that seems 
most promising and exciting.) And it is 
made by us in order to afirm the possi- 
bility of thinking and s 
tims, To say “death of God,” then, is 
somehow t0 move toward and not awa 
from Christianity. Thus it should be 
clear that we theologians are not ny 
10 reduce the Christian faith to a bland 
and nonconiroversial minimum so that it 
can be accepted by scientis 
amd treethinkers. We are 
larly 


ag as Chi 


mot pa 


xious about relevance or co 
It is not because we long to 
"mod. 


wo the mind of 
em man” that we do wh 
because something has happened to us, 
and because we suspect that it may have 
happened to others. that we are talking 


bout the death of God. 
But 


lace 


lers move beyond 

jus what does 
ah of God" me 
theologians use it? And how is this relat- 
ed to other possible and historical uses 
of the phrase? The best way to st 
answer is to indicate that there are pe 
haps ten posible meanings for the phrase 
“death of God” in use tod: 

1. It might mean that th 
and that there never has been. 
tion is traditional atheism of the old- 
fashioned kind, and it does seem hard to 
see how it could be combined, except 
very unstably. with Christianity or any 
of the Western. religions, 

9. In migh that there once wa 
«Ito whom adoration, praise and 


the phrase 


eds no God. 
This posi- 


tust wem appropriate, posible and 
even necessary, but that there is now no 
such God, This is the position of ihe 


deathol-God or radical theology, h is 
an atheist position, but with a 
difference. I there was a God. and il 


now 
why u 


sm, it should be possible to 
is change took place, 


when it took place and who was respon 
ble for it. I will be returning to ques 
the idea of God 


worl God ibelf both are in 
need of radical reformulation. Perhaps 
totally new words are needed; perhaps a 
decent silence about God should be « 
served; but ultimately. a new treatment 
of the idea and the word cin be expect 
cd, however unexpected and surprising 
it may turn out to b 

4. It might mean that our traditional 
liturgical and theological language needs 
a thorough overhaul; the reality abides, 
but classical modes of thought and forms 
ol language may well have had it. 

5. It might mean that the Christian 
story is no longer a saving or a he 
story. It may manage to stay on as mere 
ly illuminating or instructing or guid- 
ing, but it no longer pe 
fi aption. In 
this new form, it might help us cope 
with the demons, but it cannot abolish 
them 

6. It might mean that certain concepts 
of God, often in the past confused with 
the classical Christian doctrine of God. 
must be destroyed mple, 
problem solver, absolute pow 
being, the object of ultimate concern. 

7. It might mean that men do not to- 
day experience God except. as. hidden 
absent, silent. We live, so 10 speak, in 
the time of the death of God, though 
that time will doubtless pass. 

8. It might mean that the gods men 
make, in their thought and action (falsc 
gods or idols, in other words), must al 
y so that the mue object of 
thought and action, the true God. might 
emerge, come 10 life, be born anew 
Te might have a mystical meaning: 
God must die in the world so that he 
cam be born in us. In many forms of 
mysticism the death of Jesus on the cross 
s the rime of that worldly death, This is 
a medieval idea that influenced Martin 
Luther, and it is probably this c 
of ideas that lies behind the € 


> 


Torms its classical 


ictions of salva or reder 


chorale God Himself Is Dead that may 
well be ihe historical source for 
nodern use of 7 th of God.” 


10. lly. it might n 
language about God 
quate and imperfect. 
1 want to go back to the seco 
ing of the phrase If there 
God and there is now not one, whe 
this ch 
number of paths toward an answer. I 
one sense lways dying, giving 
(continued on page 137) 


God is a 


B 


“Oh, God! You've been arresting couples 
in parked cars again... !” 


PICTURE 
PLAYMATE 


hollywood seconds playboy's 


premise that miss august ag 
ought to be in pictures 


d lovely line of Playmates whose centerfold 

ances have preceded their cinematic debuts— 

a comely clan that includes such gatefold delights as 

Mansfield. (February 1955), Stella Stevens 

wary 1960), Donna Michelle (December 1963) 

Jo Collins (December 1964) and Sue Williams 

(April 1963). Susan, a honey of a blonde. will make 

her filmic bow this fall in the celluloid version of 

Norman Mailer's recent best-selling novel An Amer 
ican Dream. Born and bred in Klagenfurt, Austr 

where her family still operates a chain of electrical 

appliance shops, 22-year-old Susan came to Cali 

less than a year ago by way of London and 

s Vegas. As she told us, with just the slightest 
trace of an umlauted vowel or two to give away her 
native Teutonic tongue: "By the ame I was eight 
cen, Fd had it with the provincial ways of Klage 
furt so I kissed Momma, Poppa and my two kid 
brothers—Ulrich and. Reinhard —goodbye and head- 
ed West like your Horace Greeley advised all young 
people to do. My first stop w gland, where my 
childhood ballet lessons and the fact that I wa 
blonde combined t0 help me land a job in t 
chorus line of the Bluebells of London. When the 
group went on tour, I went with them as far as the 
Las Vegas run at the Stardust, then decided to stay 
on in the States and have a go at every young girl's 
dream: a movie carcer." 

Susan's Dream role was not long in coming. She 
landed the part of Ruta—a promiscuous German 
parlormaid—in the forthcoming Warner Bros. pro- 
duction, which stars Stuart. Whitman, Janet Leigl 

nor Parker, Barry Sullivan and Lloyd Nolan 

kc me, Ruta is a Teutonic import with a w 
ness for strong-willed men." our green-eyed belle of 
the month ‘Of course, the fact that 1 speak 
with a an accent certainly didn't hurt my 


Top to bottom: Our wide-eyed August miss receives some 
last-minute moke-up touches from the studio cosmetologist 
in preporotion for o steomy scene from Warner Bros.” forth. 
coming An American Dreom; then, os the comeros roll, she 
discords her duds for an intended dip in the tub ond sub- 
sequently becomes the more-thon-willing object of Stuort 
Whitmon's offections ofter o surprise hollwoy encounter 


thot winds up with Susan literolly throwing in the towel 


Flanked by director Robert Gist and leoding mon Stucrt Whitman, our August Dream girl tokes a pre-scene stroll oround the Warner Bros. lot. 
71 couldn't have asked for a better cost or director to work with on my first film,” she told us. "They were oll screen veterans, but they still found 
fime to toke me under their wings." With voice and diction teocher Gertrude Fogler, Susan rehearses the sound of things to come, then stops 
off ot her fovorite neighborhood pastry shop for a strudel break. Later, she borrows a friend's wheels and sets out for afternoon disco dote. 


chances of being cast in the part.” For a while, however, it 
appcared as though Susan might not be Susan at all by the 
time the film's release date rolled around. As part of a nation- 
wide contest to find a nom de cinéma for its latest ascending 
starlet, Warner Bros. offered a $500 award for the winning 
enuy and received over 5000 name suggestions from cinema- 
philes throughout both hemispheres before wisely deciding to 
leave Susan—name and all—exactly as they'd found her. "Some 
of the names submitted were pretty far out," recalls Susan. 
"But the funniest entry of them all was Norma Ma 

With keen eyes to continue her pursuit of an American act- 
ing career now that she's broken the proverbial ice in pictures, 
Susan spends the bulk of her off-camera hours studying dra- 
matics at Hollywood's Desilu Studio Workshop and taking 
voice and n lessons from Madame Gertrude Fogler in 
Beverly Hills (“If the studio heads think I have an accent now, 
they should have heard me murder the language when I first 
hit town’ ends, however, her avocational interests 
attract her to the nearest beach (“All Nordic women are se 
cretly in love with the sun"). discothèque (“With all the pro- 
fessional dancing I've done, I still get a kick out of learning 
all the new steps"), ski slope ("As a child I used to ski to 
school every day during winter, but now I'm lucky if 1 can 
make it out to Mount Baldy twice a month") or sportscar 
competition ("As soon as a few more films come my way, I've 
promised myself the best of all possible rewards: a new fucl- 
injected Corvette"). To inject a happy note of our own on the 
current shape of Austro-American trade, we recommend an 
Janced figure in this month's centerfold. 


audit of Susan's well b 


nAY&oY's latest Hallywoad hopeful pores aver a filmscript while breckfasting in bed, "I still haven't learned to think in English as much os I 
should,” she says, "so it takes me twice as long to memarize my lines, because | alwoys wind up translating them into German first.” At a 
fashianable Beverly Hills emporium, salesgirl helps Susan try on a smart new summer frock; then shop owner Gene Schacove looks an approvingly 
as she slips into something a bit more formal ("I'm o typical female as far as clothes are concerned; my eyes are always bigger than my wallet’), 


A 


Belween Warner Bros. shaoting sessions 
and her dromotics classes, Susan uses the 
pool cdjoining her Beverly Hills aport- 
ment ta toke a sun-ond-swim breather. 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


A luscious coed majoring in sociology decided 
to write her thesis on campus sex behavior and 
ended up working under some of the greatest 
minds in the school. 


Sinking uneasily into the depths of the psy- 
chiatrist's couch, the patient sighed, "Doctor, 1 
have a problem." He loosened his collar and 
continued, “I've got one son in Harvard and 
another at Yale. I've just gifted them with t 
Ferraris. I have a town house on upper Fifth 
Avenue and a summer home at Easthampton 
d a sprawling ranch in Venezucla.” 
"Well!" smiled the psychiatrist, obviously 
impressed. “Either I missed something or you 
really don't have a problem 
“Doc,” the harried chap croaked, "I only 
make seventy-five dollars a week.” 


h takes a brave m 
especially 
hearing. 


an to admit his mistakes, 
n the middle of a paternityssuit 


The management of a faltering corporation 
offered a $25 award to those employees who 
turned in the best suggestions as to how the 
company could save money. One of the first 
prizes went to a brilliant young executive 
who suggested that in the future the award be 
reduced to $10. 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines eunuch as 
a man cut off [rom temptation, 


The clegantly dressed gentleman. entered the 
sumptuously appointed cocktail lounge. After 
surveying the many patrons gathered there, he 
motioned for silence and called, “Bartender, 
I'd like the opportunity of buying a drink 
for everyone in the place.” 

After a brief pause, he added, “And please 
have one yourself.” This gencrosity was hailed 
and toasted by one 

After downing his own drink and bidding 
everyone adieu, the fine fellow started for the 
door. His progress was interrupted by the 
slightly embarrassed bartender. "I hate to 
bother you, sir," he began, “but the tab comes 
to two hundred dollars...” 

"Sow are you bothering mc for? I don't 
have as much as a penny," replied the 
gentleman. 

Realizing that a cruel hoax had been per- 
petrated upon him, the enraged bartender 
seized the brash fellow, beat him sharply about 
the head and shoulders and threw him into 
the strect. 

The following afternoon, the bartender 


wi an come into 
the low: mo- 
tioned once in for silence. hush fell 


over the crowd, he snapped his fingers and 
shouted, "Bartender, drinks for everyone. 
T everyone but you—I've seen the way 
you act when you get a drink in you." 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines libertine as 


a swinging adolescent. 


A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tour- 
iquet. but it does an equally good job of 
stopping circulation. 


The wages of sin are high unless you know 
someone who'll do it for nothing. 


A deb plagued fellow, hopelessly poring over 
a pile of bills, suddenly shouted: “I'd give a 
thousand dollars to anyone who would do my 
worrying for me!" 
“You're oi 
the thousand? 
“That's your first worry,” he replied 


answered his wife. "Where's 


The precocious 
pleted his first di 
progressive school, 
TAM s ses 

Alter an embarrassed pause, they finally 
managed to stammer out an explanation of 
the birds and the bees. 

Puzzled, the tot pulled a school qui 

re from his pocket and asked, 
going to put all that informatio: 
space marked ‘sex’? 


year-old, who had just com- 
in the second grade at a 
iddenly asked his parents. 


n this little 


Heard a good one lately! Send it on a postcard 
10 Party Jokes Editor, vLaynoy, 232 E. Ohio St. 
Chicago, Ill. 60611, and earn $25 for each joke 
used. In case of duplicates, payment is made 
Jor first card received. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“Shouldn't we be putting nuts away for the winter or something?" 


PLAYBOY 


96 


SECRE 


SERVICE 


Mr. Bond's temporary Sahd Sakistani 
sucker to his license plate.” which he 
did, ing an exaggerated show of 


As the left hand smoothed out 
the sticker, the right was touching th. 
gnerized end of a metal cylinder to 
the underside of the Alcoa bumper. It 
was a homing radio. 
Wherever the MBG was goi 
sentinel fron 
nutes later CLA agent Brown 
a towering Negro in a trim Ray Charles 
trench coat, stepped out of the office and 


.50 was 


‘rust. 


was about to climb into the MBG when 
the red sedan pull into the 
paking lot. "1965 Togliati,” he told 
“Let's look at the lite old 


." He opened a pocketsized book 
tied Oppo Autos and read: “Togliattis 
are always registered. to members of 
vus. TUSH usually uses Dagroes as 
drivers, opining chat Swegroes, Spig 
nd Bulgars are too dim-witted to ma- 
nipulate the vehicle. The latter. breeds, 
however, may accompany Dagroes as 
stron men; but vesn will use a 
Swegro as a driver if he has passed a 
driving test administered by a Dagro, 
mutation Bulgar or a Spigro with no 
less than 25 percent. Dagro blood” 

No doubt of it, the Togliatti is here to 
the MBG. agent Brown reckoned. 
Might make things a bit sticky for 
Goshen’s Israeli pal with the big-shot 
reputation. FI have to we that Mr. Bond 
gets an edge on these scum. 

"Hey, boys!” Brown called to the usu 
gtag Arab urchins near the 
d pestering the deplaned tourists 
for cigarettes. Brown spoke to them in 
Sakistani for a minute, distributed a 
ful of smokes and watched them as 


»es 


E 


arm 


they sprinted to the Togliatti and spor 
tively climbed under and over it until the 
swarthy,  haichetfaced driver, whose 


woolly poll, thick Negroid lips and Si 
cilian curses stamped him as an unmis- 
kable Dagro, shooed them away. 
When the red sedan started up and 
headed toward Baghs Groove. Brown got 
o the MBG, turned on the ignition 
ad heard the beep. beep. beep of the 
mer planted by one of the boys under 
the Togliaui's license plate. 
Brown smiled, We're ahead 
game now. 
Not know 


of the 


ag he'd merely evened 


ula rumbled through 
. narrow streets, there came from a 
lofry minaret the ululation of the muez- 


zin and they saw the faithful prostrate 
themselves in the age old tribute to Mec 
ca st of Islam's shrines, then heard 


second ory from the chanter that held. 
definite note of annovance. 

Bond smiled. "Ll translate. He^ 
"No! No! You schmucks! Mecca 


is north. north 


“This, your Highness, is the native 


(continued from pas 


c Nj 


quarter, the mysterious Cissbah,” Gosh- 
en broke in with the Fitzpatrick narra 
ion, “I's so named because—well, look 
for yourself.” ‘There were burros and 
their riders making their water, as all 
good beasts and men must, against a 
dank, moldy wall. 

They began to pass mounds of rubble 
that contained emire families, the fe 
s pulling pipes, children divi 
ad out of the debris in unrestrained 
merriment, mothers at the bottom of the 
piles with old-fashioned. papyrus brooms 

toget 


ui 


sweep 


xs the 

"Your la s public hou 
project, sire. pointed out 
fore he instituted it the fellahie 
debris to call their own 
ers, puddles, marshes, etc. See how happy 
they are now? Generosity was an inte 
gral part of Hakinir's nature. He often 
told our ‘ve made my pile: 
now let my poor unfortunate subjects 
make theirs." 

From the look 
knew Sa ak 
been touched deeply. Good-o! Perhaps 
King Baldroi will vet be— 


ure 


nd slept in sew 


LcFagel's eyes, Bond. 
ruler had 


hd 's new 


The first volley stitched 
the 


N way across 
Simulie’s windscreen and Bond 
led LeFagel face down on the Du 
Pont 501 orange-and-black Cottage Club 
carpeting. From the front scat he heard 

shen moaning, ^I. Save the 


nroe!” Bond's muscular right arm. 
ced out, pulled the CIA op chief over 
the seat and deposited him next to the 
sobbing LeFagel. “It’s an ambush, Neon 
Right in thi ow alley 
caught like rats in a trap. 
"Say. Oy Oy Seven. that’s a sharp 
le you just came up with, that. rats 
ap bu That one of you 


d w 


5 n 


origi 
“You bet Bond told the wor- 
shiping 113. Maybe I'm off base lying to 
the kid, but what the hell—Neon’s under 
enemy fire right now and it's no time to 
start shattering the kind of illusions that 
make men happy to light. to di 
be. "How's Goshen?” 
"Shoulder wound. Not too bad. Who's 
ie ‘oppo’ out there 
Bond shouted over the next b 
“About fifty guys in black 
blocking the alley. Members of the 
ih tribe, We're in for it, Vm afraid 
Bond could hear the twanging of 
Neon's crasbow, and from the occasion 
ab sercams at the end of the alley he 
knew the kid was giving a good account 
of himself. Time to start doing the sume. 
Oy Oy Seven, he chided himself. He 
worked the back door open and dove 
into one of the piles of debris, the i 
pact sending stones cascading down its 
sides. The paviarch at the top of the 
mound hurled a decpabrosted insult at 
im: "Homewrecker? 


if need 


"rage. 
burnooses 
rd- 


His long, tapering fingers slid 
his Neiman-Marcus shoulder holster 
liberated the ice-cold Colt 45. He yanked 
off its pop-top and let the soothing mak 
run down ached throat. 
inc. but no substitute 
pon | need. right now. 
nt: Emi dos 
wd. I'm lying next to a shotup 
| a dark. fetid alley, slu 
y dark, cruelly handsome 
iet And ics so famil 
iar. Dee dee, da. da. da. da. dee dee—ves 
the first eight nores of the main theme 
from the movie Lawrence of Arabia. 
The 


iquor 
fine beve 
lor the w 


When he heard it he thor 
ing my m 


and 
ut 


swelled, came closer 
g ceased. He could he 
ve from the band of 
: "She comes! She come 
Bond pulled hi 
down the alley, blocked no loi 
Kurds, who had opened a pathy 
were knecling along its sides. 
bobbed a woman on a white 
from whose neck hung a 
whence emanated ihe music—a tape 
recorder, he guessed. She wore a gold 
robe whose eflulgence was doubled by 
the Arabian sun. A red tarboosh with 


camel 
black box 


golden flv swatter for a tassel sat upon 
her head. Only two glowing coals, a pai 
of indescribubly piercing eyes. could be 


seen over the top of her black veil. 
When the white camel sno 


camel obey 
Those wondrous eyes swept over the 
faces of Kurds, pained 
expression of wounded Goshen. 
u Neon Zion. the 
of the dhn king. and 
then found Bond's unflinching gray eyes 
For 120 seconds the black eyes and the 
gray eves locked in a duel. then. Bond’s 
cruel, sensual lips parted in an arrogant 
grin of desire and he knew somehow 
that under the veil her own lips were 
framed in an answering smile. 
"Welcome to Sahd Sakis 


the 


the 
wideeyed look on 
vembling viag 


l. your 
in, with 
a 
fri i 
Hakmir, and have sworn to uphold his 
successor. Why these misguided tribes 
men have dared to fire upo 
ful ruler is a 
unravel.” 
LeFagel’s composure returned. 
owe our lives to you 


te, belove 


d of you 


We 


gracious lady. Who 


under 
d 


ched 
the camcl's neck, touched a buuon 
the dee dee, da, da, da, da. dee dee si 


issued forth “You will always 
now ] am to protect vou. sirc. 
whene'er you hear the opening cighi 
notes of my traveling theme music. ] am 

Fhisll stop the bleeding.” Bond 


(continued on page 158) 


MY FATHER, HIS FATHER. AND BEIN 


he thought he'd saved his family from the european wilderness, but his youngest 
brother brought to america the seeds of his own destruction 


fiction By HERBERT GOLD 


MY FATHER HAS NEVER MENTIONED his father's name. ""He' hit me for whistling like a peasant, ‘he’ brought home 
a carp for the holiday, ‘he’ took me to the rabbi, but 1 didn't want to go.” He did this or that. What my father 
has left me of my grandfather is a silent old man with a long white beard, a horse, a cart, a cow, a mud-and-log 
house—an Old Country grandfather fixed in my mind like a Chagall painting. That's not enough, of course. The 
stylization of art does not satisfy the craving for history. 

My father seems to have been his father’s favorite child, perhaps merely because he was the eldest. I know 
this for several reasons, but here is the way 1 remember it: Sometimes my grandfather took my father to tow 
with him. One of my uncles tells of clinging upside down, in a jealous rage, to the underside of the cart. Today 
in 1966, I ha as if someone has forgotten to turn the film—this fat old uncle with a 
head that sh: g through the slats of the cart as dumps of mud belt his behind 
—a child wanting also to go to town. There was an even younger brother, still suckling, too young to want to go 
to town. In our family his name is now never pronounced. It is put aside for a different reason from the loss of 
my diather's name. 

In their little village near Kamenets Podolski in Russia, just after the century began, life was hard and dark 
for everyone, but harder and darker for Jews. However, the human race does not permit (continued on page 100) 


louble vision of the pa 


nervous old heads! 


ILLUSTRATION BY ROGER PONTBRIANO 


A ee MÀ 


"m m © a zm 


a 


Ej 
ER 
205 
38 
= 5 
$E 
BS 
Se 
m 
E 
3 
g 
© 
$ 


ied to take shorthand, 


one of practical jokery's most ardent. devotee 


of joy buzzers, sneezing powder and 


presents his own comedic lexicon 
sundry other silly shticks of yesteryear 


The Discovery And Use Of The Fake Ink Blot 


humor By Woody Allen 


REIS NO EVIDENCE of a fake 


nk blot appe 
r 1921. 
ive had great fun with the 


ing any- 


although 


i the West belore the yea 


led in the palm of the hand 
ur 
Icon. would oller the regi d in friendship to a for- 
gn dignitary, buzz the unsuspecting v is palm and 
yer aughter as the red-faced dupe did an 
ig to the delight of the court. 

The joy buzzer underwent many modifications, the 
most celebrated of. which occurred. after the introduc 
ita Anna (E be 
dish of his wife's tha 


ion upon c 


t Napo 


improviscd 


tion of chewing gum by S; 
originally 


not go down) and took the form of a spearmint-gum 


ve chewing 


gum wa simply would 


pack equipped with a subile mousetrap mech 


nism. 


The sucker, offered a fresh stick, exper 
sting as the iron bar came springing down on his na 


The 


enced a piercing 


€ 


st reaction 
n, 
aghiei 


ally one of 


then com 


and finally kind 
ol lolk wisdom. 
h ds no secret 


that the snappy- 
a gag 
hened maners 
at the 
siderably; 


chewing 


Alamo con- 


and al 
though there were 
no survivors, most 
observers leel 
things could have 
gone 


ly wor 


subst. 


e without 


this cunning little 
gimmick. 


With ihe ad- 
vent ol the Civil 
War, Americans 


ad 
more to escaping 


turned more 


the horrors of a | while the 


disintegrating 1 


orther 


generals. preferred 
ss, Rol 
ent with his br 


ng themselves with 


the dribble g 


t E. Lee passed. m: 


at use of the squirt flower, In 


ly part of the V 
smelling the apparent 7 
without g ag a ge 


.no one ever came away from 


“lovely carnation’ 


ous eyeful of Suv 


water. 


Hy for the South, however, 
bandoned the once-fashionable artifice and relied 
simply on placing a carpet tack on the chair seats of 
people whom he did not like. 

Alter the War and 

ght up to the early 

1900s and 


called 


As things went 


Le 


the so- 
em ob thc 
baro: 
g powder 
little 
ked aw 
MONDS, where. 


robber 


s, 


can m 


from sevei 
huge spring 
serpents 


um 


it 


ould 


leap 

to the victim's 
face, provided all 
worthy D 


va of 
loolery. I is 
J.P. Morgi 
ferred the I 


ar tome, 


elder 
Rockeleller felt more 

Then, in 1921, 
Kong to buy suits discovered the bike 


while the 
at home with 


zroup ol biok 


ists meeting in Hong 
ak blot. [i had 
al repertoire of diver 
ties retained power 
by their brilliant manipulation of what appeared to be 
spilled boule and an ugly inkstain, but was in reality 
blot. 


long been a staple ol the Ori 
sions, and several of the Later dy 


The first ink blots, it was learned, were crude. 


structed to I feet in diameter 


con 
and fooled nobody 
Howev 


with the discovery ol the concept ol smaller 


izes by a Swiss physicist, who proved that an object of a 
icular size could be reduced in size simply by “mak 

ler,” the fake ink blot c 

It remained in jts own until 18 


Delano Roos 


o its own. 
1, when. Franklin 
velt removed it from its own and placed 


me 


it in someone else's. Rooseve 
Ue a strike 
amusir Embarrassed leade 


utilized it clev 


ly to set 


t Pennsylva the details of which 


are 


s of both | 


bor and man- 
ak h 


ng someone's. priceless Empire sofa. In 


nent were convinced that a bottle of 


been 


spilled, rui 


ine how relieved they were to | 
fun. Three days later il 


n it was all in 


opened. Kl 


98 


PLAYBOY 


100 


MY FATHER 


utter darkness; we try to grow sharp 
to point holes idism, the 
religion of light and drink, ferocious 
funny stories, dancing and lover 
beat like a stick through the Jewish 
towns. It was also a religion of medal: 
gic and charms. Jews raved and sang: 
Jews rolled in the woods in public 
Ccsasies. They conquered the miseries 
of the police and a murderous peasantry 
by rocking and rolling. 

Not all. My father, aged 12, one year 
ng a man, was already a so- 
ciali; freethii a revolution 
he ited to ride 
pick up the gold in the streets of New 
York. He would carry a sack with him. 
The czar's barbarous arny or the golden 
freedom of America—is that a choice? 
His father knew that to stay in Russia 
meant conscription and death, but 
America was godless, a living death. He 
preferred the death he knew. This silent 
man sought to pass the remainder of his 
days with his children nearby, his wife, 
his cart, his horse, his cow, his hut, his 
fish on holidays. My 12-year-old father 
dung to the idea that he would go to 
America to be a man, another man. 
They must have fought over this. My 
father beaten with a stick. 

At last my grandfather grew weary of 
beating his eldest son. The boy was un- 
knowable by stick; he was slow to learn, 
and my grandfather, who would wil 
ly have spent his lifetime study: 
Talmud with him, begrudged the hours 
he spent hitting him. Instead, father and 
son came to an understanding. They 
would travel to the nearby town to con- 
sult the wonder-working rabbi about 
making a way across the bogs and bor- 
ders, past the czars police and the 
famous Dutchmen of western Europe, 
toward glittering America. They agreed 
to abide by the rabbi's judgment in the 
matter. My father secretly resolved. that 
he would obey the wonder-working rab- 
"s decision only if it were the correct 
one. Thus, he reasoned, he had nothing. 
to lose. A wonder-working rabbi provid- 
ed fair combat for a mentally working 
boy with constricted scruples and his 
mind made up. 

My father was loaded by his father 
into the horse-drawn cart, along with 
eggs, a chicken, cakes and. other gifts [or 
the rabbi, and silently they jolted across 
the irrational ruts of the mud road. Ani- 
mals and drunken peasants slowed their 
ssage, bur the divine guardian of 
roads and souls kept the spokes in their 
wheels, the metal shoes on their horse, 
the patience in their hearts. My father 
wanted to whistle, but knew better. In- 
stead, my father, aged 12, silently re- 
hearsed to himself the knowledge that 
he was an atheist, a soci and inte: 
ed to go to America and take the name 
of Gold, in honor of the freedom given 


(continued from page 97) 


to men by the gold in the streets of New 
York; he thought all this through with 
great care, sorting it out and looking at 
the last star of morning, fixing it like the 
star in his mind in cise the rabbi tried 
to work magic upon him in order to 
make him forget or deny or surrender. 
de he was whistling. Silent whistles 
were emitted by his pursed lips and be- 
tween his clenched teeth. 

The wonderworking rabbi listened to 
both my father and my grandfather. He 
asked: How often beaten? He asked: Did 
the boy study Talmud-Torah from daw 
to dusk? He asked: Those cookies, did 
the little mother make them herself? He 
pulled his beard, turned his luge veiny 
eyes on the two petitioners and nibbled 
from the speckled cookies my grand- 


mother had baked as a tribute to his wis- 
dom. He must have been a very wise 
man. Many crumbs on his beard. And 


when he pulled his beard—many crumbs 
on his lap. He knew that his reputation 
for all.sceing foresight would suffer a de- 
c in the district if he pronounced the 
wrong decision. My father was burning. 
at the high temperature at which a 12- 
yearold man burns, to go to America. In 
any case, he would go, with or without 
permission. The rabbi understood this. 
ln one case, the father would be bitter 
and unreconciled. and the boy would 

steal away in the night, guiltily, with 
only his mother's sobs to wish him well. 
But if the Nameless One blessed the rab- 
bi with a favorable word, nd son 
might still be reconciled. T could be 
the other case. 

The rabbi said to the boy: Go to 
America, but wait two months until 
your bar mitzvah. Go as a man. 

Even then my father was not a man of 
pure principle. He wanted to go to 
America right now, at age 12, but he de- 
cided to wait until age 13, in order to 
please others and. get all that he desired, 
which included the respect of his family. 

The rabbi also said: And wear this 
will protect 


medal around. your neck, i 

you from harm. 
My father said: 

They too must go 
The rabbi 


And my brothers? 
to America. 

said: Wear this medal. 
jes yet. Let be what God 


My father said: Give me some medals 
for the babies, too. 

The rabbi said; They must come to 
see me at the proper time. 

My father said: What is good for me 
will be good for them. 

The rabbi took a cookie and did not 
deign to argue. Arguing at this point 
would be less a matter of principle— 
should a baby go to America who can 
barely dress himself?—than a matter of 
bickering. In due time, an appointment 
could be made to discuss it. Solomon 
dealt coolly with 12year-old bickerers 


y the rabbi chewed his cookie 
My father, choking down his shame 
and disbelief, accepted the medal which 
the rabbi hung about his neck [rom a 
fairly clean string. All the other atheistic 
wd socia 10-t0-12-yearold. boys ot 
the village would mock him, would ac 
cuse him of failing to whistle at rabbis, 
but my future father knew what he ri 
ly wanted, and what he really wanted 
could not be altered by consenting to 
wear a medal until he finally turned the 
bend in the long road that led from the 
Ukrainian village to the Western world. 

My father’s father paid proper r 
spects to the rabbi, and then the two 
went home, jiggling in the lightened 
cart, without the load of eggs, the chick. 
cn, the cakes, but with a d that 
brought peace to the family. After they 
got back, by absent-minded habit, 
grandfather peeked beneath the cart to 
see if any of his other sons were dinging 
to it. It would have made more sense 10 
look sooner, but time and sequence were 
not his specialties. 

My grandfather entered and said to 


his wife, “The boy will stay.” 
He would not spoil the Sabbath by 
adding, “But the man will go. 
He went back outside to wash and 


prepare for the evening prayers He 
hugged his other son, the one who al 
ways wanted to cling to the when 
my father went someplace. He dandled 
his third son, the babe in arms. Then he 
sed his fiveyearold daughter. His 
wife was worried by this show of affec 
tion. "What's the trouble? Are you de 
ceiving me? 

"The boy will stay," he muttered. My 
father recalls that his face was wet. He 
was weeping. He pretended it was wet 
from the basim of water, but there were 
fresh tears after he washed. 

Two months later, when my father, 
the 13-year-old man, left for Americ 
smuggled away in the night to avoid the 
czar's police, the first act of freedom t 
he remembers is tearing the medal fror 
his throat and flinging it into the muddy 
tracks of the road. He didn't believe 
charms. He knew who made his luck— 
himself. In the dank night of Russia, his 
las night in the bosom of family. he 
pronounced a curse upon good luck 
"The stars above would be his light and 
his adornment. He would not give the 
medal to any of his brothers. If their fa 
ther wanted one, let him take another 
load of cookies to the rabbi. 


Along with Columbus, although a lit 
tle laer and without the blessing of 
Queen Isabella, my father started. some 
thing. In after years he used to tell his 
friends in the seam room of a health 
dub in Cleveland, Ohio—sce, 
nice dean feet, no calluse: 
descended from rabbis and came over on 
the Mayflower. But this was a joke: his 

(continued on page 140) 


"It's really a shame we happened to draw this judge . . - 


101 


Honey-haired Paula Holcomb hopes to Bunny-hop around the Playboy Club circuit after learning the ropes as a rabbituette at her hometo 
Atlanta hutch. An amateur sculptress, 21-year-old Texan Tonja Mitchell cuts a fine figure while frugging at our New Orleans dij 


dhe Bunnies 
Of Dixie 


a pictorial tribute to the 
land of cotton’s cottontailed belles 


In or out of uniform, farm-bred Georgia filly Sara Atkinson (top and above left) exudes the kind of ante-bellum appeal that Atlanta key- 
holders colton to. Bayou Bunny Barbara Grant leans toward the Latin in music—fado to listen to and the bossa nova for dancing. 


SARA PATRICIA ATKINSON, who many keyholders think is the best Bunny in the Atlanta Playboy Club, is all the sweet- 
ness of the South rolled into one caramel package. She’s blonde and blue-eyed, with a gentle voice, a delicate mouth 
and a smile that could melt Sherman's statue. When you talk to Sara, she speaks shyly of her devotion to her family, 
her childhood on her father's farm in rural Georgia and her feeling of cozy security at the Atlanta Club. 

What does she do in her spare time? The soft gleam in her azne eyes gives way to a hard glitter. "I have a little 
burgundy Mustang—tmy prize possession," she says. “A real fast one, with four on the floor. It flies” The words 
tumble out, and suddenly we're transported out of the old South into the new as we picture this little Southern 


belle barreling along Adanta’s Northwest expressway, while she unwinds after a night's work at the Atlanta Playboy 
Club. “I drive thirty, forty-five minutes, just to relax and enjoy the quietness of Atlanta in the early morning. 1 
love the wind and I love speed— planes, cars, anything, just so long as they're fast" (text continued on page 112) 


Above: Things have been looking up in Atlanta since this rabbit-eared roster first donned Bunny satin early last year 
On facing page, from top, Lto r: Diminutive (5') Diana Anton lives just a hop away from her New Orleans hutch, Allanta’s 
Hildy Ballard has her sights sel on a future Bunny Mother's berth; whereas her Honda-driving hutchmate, Mary McFarland 

one of e growing group of Georgia-based Playboy peaches who prefer two-wheeled transport—is happy being Club? s Bumper- 
Pool Bunny. Hitting a high-see in off-duty mesh or adorning the Club bandstand, Marlene Everett adds a bright note to Allanta' s 
hutch-going scene. Stair climbing has become favorite sport among Atlanta rab nozo that local fashion model Peggy Dorris 
has decided to double as a Dixie Bunny. Native Angelino Jody Duck is a domable addition to Creole-style cottontailing 


Alabama belle Janice Bishop strolls through a maze of modern architectural forms that border Allanta’s famed QE 


Peachtree Center shopping area on her way home from an afternoon stint at the local hutch. A onetime Hollywood |. PE A [Pe H T R E | 
" 
- — 


hopeful (“My only part was a walk-on in the world's worst horror flick"), she's found Bunnydom suits her lest 


Above: Bunny-Playmate Jan Roberts began her cottontailed career a few years back at the Chicago Club, but 
has since added impressive new dimensions (39-23-35) to New Orleans’ rabbituette set. Right: An off-hours devotee 
of yoga and chess, “Peaches Coombs—who toured the country for two years as the mitiest (5') member of an acro- 
batic troupe—sizes up the scene along Atlanta’s Peachtree Street, just a few blocks from her own warren. 


Clockwise from above: Native New Orleanian Deli- 
lah Graley takes monokinied morning dip. A happy 
addition to any hayride, Shari Kelley often belis out 
ballads in the Allanta Club's Living Room. Bayou 
belle Carol Leland exhibits four-poster form. Sun- 
| bonneted Shirley Powell spices Georgia setting- 


° i 


Far left, top to bottom: A German imporl of recent vintage, carrol-topped Lori Schrueger would like nothing better than to sce the 
the Playboy way (“After Atlanta, I'd love to work at every Club on the circuit”). Atlanta hutch honeys apply the feminine finishing 
touches in the Club’s Bunny Dressing Room, then post their pretty presences behind the Gift Shop counter to await their dinner-hour duties. 


Clockwise from top left: Poised on the stairs of New Orleans hutch or on the balcony of her Bourbon Street bachelorette pad, New Yorker 
Mary Jane McGrath shows no signs of wanting to return lo the northland. Colleague Carol Bruno, however, has designs on a Manhattan 
modeling career. Atlantans all: Judy Pressley pauses beside a Neiman, Lana Brewer tries for allover tan, Kim Hester poses at Club and corral. 


Clockwise from far left: Abby Mulligan is fetchingly framed in 
New Orleans Club’s leaded-glass portal. Door design blends Creole 
and modern Playboy decor. Also pictured at pranoside, Abby has 
just made her video debut on a local station. Perched outside Atlan- 
ta's Peachtree Center is former rodeo queen and current karate stu- 
dent “Gary” McQuarrie. Whether percaled or cottontailed, Bunny- 
Playmate Carrie Radison rates as one of Crescent City’s come liest, as 
does hutchmate Bobbi Stephenson, whose back we gladly pardon 


PLAYBOY 


112 


w breed 


nies of Dixie, a 
blend 


Atkinson epito 
ail—the. Bu 
» but eversoswee! 
traditions and 
Vhough this combi 
plexes a few outside observers 
caught up in the mystique of the 
the Dixie 

remain delightfully unconfused. In the 
Adanta Club, for instance, where almost 


ol cottoi 


space-age 
on per 
not 


half the girls are from that city and most 
of th "sc hom elsewhere below the 
Mason-Dixon line, the latest Fad is Jap- 


ese motorcycles. Olldury Bunnies in 
hip-huggers and pastel tops re 
historic Peachtree Street asuide Hondas, 
Suzukis and. Yamahas. In New Orleans, 
where Cajun influence—like the sultry 
atmosphere itself—sulluses every corner 
of the French Quarter, olive-skinned 
Bunnies from the bayous stroll. down 
Bourbon Street in their off-hours, chat 
tering in patois about the latest da 
gaze. The Playboy spirit matches 
ebullicnce of the South in the Sixties; 
the Dixie Playboy Clubs -ike their cot 
tonuailed inhabitants—cannily combine 
the best of two worlds, in a mixture that 
has proved both unique and enduring. 
In this case, the South surrendered to 
age without firing a shot. The fine 
s and jazzy night spots of 
d New Orleans welcomed the 
.boy key chain on the oftproved 
theory u petition breeds. success, 
Southern business and. professional 


the 


like any others, prefer their drinks suong, 
their food tasty, their women attrac- 
tive and efficient, and Playboy cis the 


test uniquely. Even the red-necked Bible 
Belt orators. well known for their stands 
against many aspects of 20th Century 
life, are stran 


ely silent, perl 


aps beca 


(se 


the Clubs are drawing people from piny 
woods as well as pine-pancled offices. 
One At Bunny even has a rock 


ribbed Southern Baptist preacher as a 
lar customer. “It took some time be- 
fore he told me who he was,” she says. 
"Bur he boves the Club, and we get 
along famously.” 

Many things besides a golden sunan 
nd a molasses drawl unite the Bui 
[ Dixie. They love water and w: 
te the bes 


lorida 


sports. v ches of 
the Gulf as their number-one vac: 
spots. Almost to a girl, they dig the lat 
1 jump a t 10 per 
t wee-hours sessions in. the show 
rooms. Fewer than the national Bunny 
average of 42 percent have been w col- 
lege, simply because schooling for the 
fair sex is often revarded as superlluous 

ture Bunnies arc usually 


ces a 


ac 


1 the South. F 
groomed at home, and the product, as 
devotees of the Southern Clubs will at 
test. is a warmth and genuineness that 
beats book learning all hollow. 
Southern Bunnies read voraciously. 
ad Gone with the 
Two thirds of the Adanta 


Wind is 


though, 
their bible. 


Bunnies say it's the best book they've 
ever read. The reason may be more 
wish fulfillment than ci 
Atlanta Bunny Mother Bev Powell says, 
“They all think they're Scarlett O'H: 
And they do like that Southern cook. 
ing. but wih a contemporary twist— 
fried chicken and Scotch for Atlanta's 
Ruth Lewis, fr toes and 
tom collins for her nue Arlene 


Smith. 


he Southern 
says Bunny 
blonde from 

more fem 


irl is absolutely de 
Mother Bev, a 
Kansas City 
iine. Docs she 


statuesque 
"She's solte 


appears to be. She's really just as 
gent as the Northern girl, but she uses 
what she has—her femininity—to better 
" Managers of the Ad 


na 


with complime 
the warmth and quality 
1 credit goes to the Bunnies, Says N 
Wannen, Adana Club manager who 
was formerly with the Los Angeles Club 
V. a lot of the girls were 
o show business. Here they're 
l-American girls, not potential 
eis but downto-earth kids looking 
a good job. To be a Bunny is so 
thing special to them, and they show i 

‘They certainly do, agrees Bob Tobias, 

wly-company executive who frequents 
ny of the Playboy Clubs. "The thing 
1 look for is personal rapport, and I find. 
ic in the Southern Clubs,” Bob said re- 
cently. "New Ve d CI as arc 
more aloof. Here the girls, and the guys. 
really know you and talk to you 
portant to me when Camille comes up 
and siys, “Hi, Candy M. Camille, it 
turns out, is a striking Bunny from Dub- 
lin, Georgia. who dispenses Southern 


il 


ca 


ers 


charm with every drink. She tilts the beer 
bottle, holding th in the 
approved | fashion “Don't 


worry, T have y steady hand.” She 
also has a very fine frame, which the key- 
holder is frec 10 visually enjoy while the 
beer is slowly, ever so slowly, fil 
glass- One of the few pigtail 
im captivity, Camille plaited her hair 
despite protests from the resident h 
dresser. “She told me not to tell an 
she was responsible. "It looks 
Victo she said." Awfully attractive 
morc like it. 

Before Playboy came to Atlanta, the 
city boasted little night life and no night 
spots consistently booking top acts. As a 
e boomtown with new buildings 
ng on every block 


iate success. 


me After. initially 
Aanta’s burgeoning population ol 


home-based 
entertainers, to the Clubs. plush red- 


suburbanites, tradi 


carpeted rooms. the multifaceted Playboy 


entertainment fare has kept them coming 
back lor encores. 

The Club is located im the Dinkler 
Motor Hotel, headquarters for a steady 
stream of conventiones block a 
half off Peachtree, the famous main drag 

lat divides the city cast and west. The 


Club is laid e 
Playmate Bar 
first flo 
the scan 
Like Playboy Clubs everyw! 
Southern Clubs bow tc 
customs. 
a Southern city, is not ei 
from fundamentalist 
Club must stop serving 
since not even à 
Sunday. Play 
nent spots and. res 
shuts down. The New Orle 
doesn’t open on Sunday, cither, but only 
because New Orleanians are seventh day 
stayathomers. In the unfettered bayou 
city, you can drink 24 hours a day every 
day, as long as you're over 17 
enough to hold 
New Orleans 
rather than temperance, 
sults of strict aesth 
be pl 
Club, in the heart of the French Quar 
ter, is an artful mixture of early Creole 
and Playboy modern. The building is 
185 years old, a in the 


the 


Atlanta, advanced as it is for 
liberated 
The 
ind. 


rely 


strictures. 
t E30 aM, 
can be sold 
with most enter 


bee 


iel; 


lecture 


deed. 


on his fingers, in his stickpins, even 
his shoest boy Intemational’s 
. required by law u 


leave 


wer. (The banister has 
proved irresistible to a [ew acrobatically 
indined guests. Trouble is, they some 
times don't sce the supporting strut half 
way down, which brings them to an 
brupt—and unexpected —halt.) 

In. consers Playboy's 
guests come carly and leave carly: in 
freewheeling New Orleans, they come 
Late and stay later—till four on weekdays. 


five on Saturdays, Atlantans, say the Bui 
nies, are straight 15 percent tippers; New 
Orlcanians are somewhat freer with the 


pool is highly popu 
h Clubs, 


and some of the 
Bumper-Pool Bun are crackerjacks 
with a cue stick. New Orleans’ best is 
Bunny June Riviera, who keeps the 
table busy on a slow night. How 
docs she do it? "Everybody loves me," says 
June, batting her brown eyes. June's 36 
frame seems (0 aturact admirers. 

(continued on page 116) 


THENEW LINEN LOOK 


an old summer favorite makes a crisp return to the fashion fore 


attire By ROBERT L. GREEN 


Our urban guy has suited 
himsell-—and. his admiring 
companion—with the latest look in 

warm-weather 


choice is linen—a mate 
that for the last few years 
been conspicuoush 


the summer sc 


acron an 
th deep side vents, 
belelooped 


pearl bu 
trousers, by 
shirt f 
collar and t 


Reis of New H. he English 
_ silk pocket square has a hai 
oiled cdge, by Dumont, 


b 
e 
a 
LJ 
Li 
a 
A 


“Of course, with that model, you lay all your 
cards on the table, so to speak...” 


Gentleman julep 


drink by thomas mario a long-hallowed classic that’s still in mint condition 


RY SUMMER SOLSTICE, nothing could be finer 
than to settle down on the portico with a 
frosted 16-07. mint julep. A classic libation 
hoary with tradition, the julep used to 
create headaches for bartenders long belore 
the hangover. Old-time devotees ol. Dixie’: 
favorite cup insisted that “true” juleps were 
born only alter. mixologists took the most 


with a pestle, smashing ice in a canvas bag 
and being sure the concoction "aged" prop: 
before serving. Thus, by the time it 
was ready, many an eager sampler had su 
cumbed to the heat. Even so, England fell 
n to the julep's naditions when one 
m Trapier of South Garolina visited 
Oxford Unive: 
with a jovial band of upperc! . Tra 
pier retorted to their cry of "Wharll vou 
have?” with the obvious. Deep Southern 
answer—and then taught John. Bull's boys 
the authentic julep recipe. So. pleased was 
Trapier with the way his advice was heeded 
he established an endowment pro- 
viding for a round of juleps to be served up 
annually in the junior common. room—a 
uadition that persists to this day. He also 
gave the lads a handsome Georgian silver 
quart cup, thus setting a shining example 
as to the proper vessel for sipping juleps. 
But today's party-minded host will gl 
swap convention for conviviality when offer 
ing up the minty refresher. For him, we 
recommend the following [ 
ipe essentially authentic but ta 
contemporary men nurtured on such dry re- 
finements as ma and brut ch. 
If you're fresh out of silver julep cups. 
ise a 1-07. tom col 
as a suitable substitute. To make a party 
round of eight juleps requires one quart of 
your best bourbon. For each quart, allow 
one pint of finely chopped mint leaves. Be 
sure to choose fresh, red-stemmed mint. 
Steep the mint in the bourbon, covered, at 
room temperature for an hour. Prechill 
each glass and fill with crushed ice and 4 
ozs. ol the minted bourbon, strained. When 
the ice melts slightly, pl 
crushed. ice around the rim. Stirring is un- 
necessary. If your party is late getting 
started, store the prepared juleps in the 
freezer. Just belore serving, plant a good- 
sized sprig of mint on top of cach drink and 
move the j to the veranda, A few sips 
d turn the longest of hot sum- 
days into the coolest of occasions. 


ss of fine crystal 


€ a frost collar of 


shot 
me 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY JON POWNAL 


PLAYBOY 


116 


Bunnies Of Dixie iod from page 112) 


she’s unabashedly aware of it 
bumper pool, it’s whats up fr 
counts," June says. tapping her forche 
id wearing a smile. 

Bunny June obviously is a straighfor- 
ward young thing with a weakness for 
sporis. She loves horse racing and h 
been an aficionado since she was 13. A 
fair handicapper in more ways than onc, 
she's now raising a thoroughbred filly 
hersell and. plans to race her at the New 
ir Grounds next January. 
- rolled ex 
ginst champion Joc 
Joseph nd, thanks to a little 
tinkering with the rules, beat him by a 
pin. She bowls s league at 
nine every Wednesday morning, arriving 
tthe lanes after nine hours of table. 
hopping and four more of early-morning 
reading (her favorites: Erskine Caldwell 
| Civil V ature), [une has two 
Bunny n in New Otleans--her 
sister. Susie Saladino, and cousin Carol 
Bruno. Susie is a short. athletic brunette 
and a fine amateur. tumbler who now 
bowls a formidable game of tenpins 

self. 

New Orleans rabbit warren boas 
three full-blooded Cajuns, all well-built, 
duskyskinned beauties who grew up on 
gumbo and jambak The Cajic 
the group is Robin LeBlanc, from the 
scule metropolis of Cut OM, in La 

a shrimp-lishing cow: 
rench is the yernacul 
"s grandfather speaks only Caju 
id she spoke it even before she learned 
ylish. ach in school 
er, and i 
mystifying, and 
al Frenchspeaking 
guests. The big event of the year around 
Cut OIE is rpon Re which 
draws thousands of fishermen to nearby 
Grand Isle. Robin and her family used 
to take part exch year, but she now sticks 
iming and sun-bathing, 
three of the mos popular pastimes 
among Dixieland Bunnics. 

The other two Cajuns are Roni Gros 
and Eve Latiolais. quiet girl 
from Lafayene who, it takes a while 
ad out, digs drag racing. She has a 
Galaxie that she drives in time 


hibition 


n a wom 


st of 


the 


Club. 
hei 


the T leo, 


w TA 


Eve is 


trials, 7E get a loc of challenges.” Ev 
says. "I guess they think a girl driver 
me v victory. But I beat most 
of them—the car has 390 under thc 


hood. which is pretty hoc" Roni, tall 
and. well proportio 
onetime plantation. arca now devoted 
to olfshore oil drilling. She drives home 
nearly everv weekend. and thus manages 
10 retain à. homespun charm not often 
found in big-city night clubs. 

Aside from its Cajuns, New Orleans? 
chief. attraction for rabbitues is a Iroh 
young breed of Bunny, Unlike Adan 


the New Orleans Club can legally employ 
cavolds; arrestingly dillerent, youth. 
fully efervescent couontails have bee 
the happy result, Angel Frillot is an cbul- 
lient 19-year-old who readily admits most 
keyholders think she's much young 
She has long tight-brown hair and all 
the allure of 2 Lolita. Angel came to the 
Club from a “terribly dull” job at a New 
ans bank. At the Club she quickly 
established herself as the resident mut, 
liberty Gidget who talks incessantly 
d owns two dozen pairs of shoes wi 
Shirley Temple purses. 
Angel, of course, is crazy like a 
nd so is her youthful counterpa 
cious Sam Glynn. Both Angel 
s Sam's Bunny roommate say: 
"those litde-girl looks are their 
wet" and off duty they en 
hance them to the utmost with dresses. 
bows and what not. Sam is from w 
Louisi Tabasco sauce 
and nderstandably 
Playboy's personnel. office 
Chicago, sceing “New Iberia” on her 
ion, queried the N 
Is this girl an Ameri 
Sam, of course, is not really Sam. She's 
a the 
Club, so to avoid confusion she changed 
name. Bambi 
Lolita were rejected. first 
management, was “too sug 
ne Bunny namcs arc not unusual 
nowadays, a trend. that may have started 
at the New York Club, where a Bun 
called Irving, so the story gocs, became 
enshrined as “the husband's excu: 
was out 
holders could tell 
button-cute charms have won her 
big following in the New Orleans Club. 
"A lot of times keyholders bring the 
i o meer me,” says Sam. “Every 
body's trying to marry me off." 
Overseer of the New Orleans Bunny 
brigade is Meg Marriott, executive secre 
tary of the Club, who has been doubling: 
as Bunny Mother. Meg is a quick-witted 
and welbeducated young lady from 
London who has the British gift of direct 
ness. “I disliked the South and New 
Orleans when D first arrived.” she says. 
“People regarded me as Fd regard some- 
body from Patagon now, 
though, and find the job fas " 
New Orleans boasts its share of exoti 
backgr i jer bruncites Sandy RB. 
and Dolores Braquet, Bunny Sandy is 
half Cherokee and hails from Comanche, 
Vexas. Her Father raises whiteface cattle. 
which Sandy helps round. up wheneve 
she's home. New Orleans, she laments, 
has “very few places to ride,” so she 
free time reading Civil. War 
nd With Century poetry. Bunny 
s ds half Castilian and half Fili 
pino. has lived in the French Quarter 


her Pere and, yes, eve 
-Lalita. 


estive. 


Irving last. night." 
their wives.) 


sons 


ads 


for yeas. Hired by the Club as a 91 
pound weakling, she's now a very pleas 
ing 105. 

Two carpetba at the New Orle 


s Club a 
sylvania, and L 
Minnesota. Lu; 
a year at the D 
headed South when she found the cli 
ate tow cold for comfort, She's taki 
French lessons. (no Cajun, di 
intends to finish college and te: 
relaxation, "aside from dating, | read- 
mostly Ayn Rand. Amd D write, mostly 
unromantic short stor 1 love 
to people—tha’s what E like most 
a Bunny, Some time back I served 
who must have been 65, who 
was just beautiful. He told me he w 
sca captain who now lives in Las Vegas 
and writes adventure stories and. West- 
erns. Selly them, (00. He and 
ride motorcycles all over th 
black-teather outfits. € 
cop stopping them a 
her helmet and say sonny? 
They're beautiful. just tiful” 
Bonnie was a Bunny at the Jamaici 
e hopping to. New Orleans. 
maica, but is nevertheless 
pleased with the change. For one thing 
tips in New Orleans run considerably 
higher. For another, small-town commu 
nity lile in Ocho Rios was o d. 
ng. “Sometimes you just didn't want to 
put on make-up just to go to the post 
Ollic" says Bonnie, “but you felt you 
ought to, because the whole tow 
you were a Bunny." Platinum-haireid 
Bonnie is uansferring to the London 
Club as one of ten "exchange Bu 
nd sl ly anticipating her fist 
weekends in London and Pa 
Everybody has some idiosyncrasy, and 
Martha Hellwig's is taking bus tours of 
Lou all the tours w 
old-ma puchers.” she says. “No 
joke. E visit all these antebellum homes 
and what not, and that makes me a veal 
booster for the stue. | tell the keyhold 
crs facts and figures and they say, "Y 
ought to work for the tourist division of 
the chamber of commerce? 7 Like many 
other girl Tara Fife submitted. her 
ny application on a dare (“IF some 
We say no”). she pe 
the name Tara from—you guessed it— 
Gone with the Wind uklul 
she wasn't christened Scarlet 
New Orleans Bunnies come pa 
imo the Club with l 


e Bonnie Leigh, from Penn 
anna Rathman, from 
na studied sociology tv 
iversity of Mim 


knew 


Bu 
body dares me. I € 


ering 
rc midrifls and 


sometimes bare feet. They dr at 

lis Oyster. Bar next door for stufled 
Gull lobster or something less caloric, 
like cottage cheese and leuuce, which 
locals have dubbed "Rabbit food.” After 
work they may amble down Rue Iber 
ville to the King's Room for a drink. In 
the small hours of Sunday, with the 
week's work done, a Tittle group of 


(continued on page 155) 


MISS BRYPOGEL 
AND THE CASE OF THE WARBLING CUCKOLD 


By JEAN SHEPHERD 


RENREN 
XXXI 


E 


—— 


c 8---[—.:-[ 


wherein the clandestine bathroom book reviewer of warren g. harding school stumbles 
into a child’s garden of vices and is bushwhacked by the lurking serpent of temptation 


rur STICKY SWEET, BODY-WARM. TASTE of pornography lingers in the soul long alter the fires have been banked and 
the shades drawn. Where did it all begin? What ancient cave man drew the first dirty picture on the wall of his 
g fiendishly, scuttled olf into the darkness? Even tc lcep down in our in- 


dank granite hole and then, cackl 
nermost recesses, there is a hot, furry little something that peers out at us with tiny, red-rimmed eyes, reminding 


us with its lewd chittering that we are still scrawling gralliti on the walls of our caves 
ay, nothing Sunday in the great 


Not long ago 1 was lorcibly reminded of this inescapable fact. It was Sunday, a g 
«, collee cup in hand—vaguely conscious of a gnawing sense of shame and guilt 
Kneedeep in the Sunday papers Lsat, lutilely attempting to ward oll these unfamiliar pangs. Why this feverish Hush, 
this fugitive desire to hide under the day bed, 1 asked myself? True, 1 had been in attendance at à monumental de- 
bauch the night before and had indulged mysell strenuously; but after all, the debauch itsell is now a recognized art 
form, and 1 was merely a creative perlormer. Then why this persistent sense of unease? Could it be that 1 was suffer- 


uadition and 1 was lounging at hor 


ing from an attack of vestigial conscience? 1 immediately crossed that out, since, being a (continued on page 132) 


117 


PLAYBOT 


118 


“The winner gets Miss Hornblower for the Labor Day weekend.” 


Ribald Classic 


anm 
usual 
eure 
for 

a pain in 
the eye 


from 
“Les Cent Nouvelles Nouvelles” 


A NOBLE KNIGHT, of the country of Holland, 
ame passionately enamored of a young and 

ul chambermaid who was in the service 
of a charming, well-run hostelry. Because of 
his desire for her, he arranged to spend some 
n to better pursue the objective 
toward which he was disposed. 

After a few days there, he suffered an unfor- 
tunate accident in which his right eye was 
jured and became seriously infected. He 
thus sent for the fumed surgeon of the Duke 
of Burgundy, who happened to be in town 

that 

When he saw the eye, the surgeon deemed 
it incurable, as a doctor is prone to do, so 
that when he brings about a cure, his reputa- 
tion and profits increase. At any rate, he 
agreed to try to treat the hopeles case, 
although, he said, this would test his great 
ills to the uimost. 
Now, cach time the doctor came to call. the 
pretty chambermaid would act as his assistant, 
nd soon the good doctor fell under her spell 
and, like the knight, was badly smitten with 
her. Indeed, after casting tender looks on her 
beautiful smooth face and supple body, he 
soon became so enamored that he Matly de- 
dared his ardor. She heard him favorably. 
greatly 
what means he could g 
should alw; 


time at il 


umph that 
consummare mere hope. 

entually, however, the doctor bethought 
a way and proposed it to the chambermaid. 
“L will prescribe to the patient that in order 
10 cure his right eye, we must also cover his 
left to prevent excessive strain,” he said. “IL 
he agrees to this, well cover it with a thick 
bandage; then, he not being able to see, we 
n take our delights and pleasures of cach 


other right there in his room." 

The maiden, who was perhaps as ardent as 
the doctor, eagerly agreed to this scheme— 
with a maidenly blush, to be sure. Thus, the 
roguish physician then came at his accustomed 
time to exa d upon doing so, 
feigned great concern. "This eye is not im- 
proving." stid he. “Indeed, my lord, you must 
have patience." 

“How so, good surgeon’ 
“Your good eye must be covered 
aged. so that after I have fixed the pa 
taken care of the other eye, no light will enter 
for at least an hour. Without a doubt, any 
ight coming through will mitigate the cure 

“ALL right, then," said the knight, “I put 
myself entirely in your able hands.” 

‘This then being done, the lovers were ready 
for the joust; they adjourned to a nearby 
couch and there began the game of love. But 
the knight, hearing the rhythmic drumming 
of the participants at play, tore off from hi 
eyes the bandages and patches and turned 


1c the cyc, 


upon the frolicking physician with under- 
ndable umbrage. 
How now, master doctor?" he demanded. 


“Is this a new method of curing an eye? By 
Saint John. I suspect you have visited me 
much more often for love of my chamber- 
maid than for my optic afllictions. 

The doctor, who was a good scamp at 
heart, then began to laugh, proposing that 
they take turns in their sport. At this sug- 
gestion the knight became more tractable and 
they made peace. Nor was this armistice dis- 
pleasing at all to the prety linde chamber- 
maid. who was twice made in the chamber, 
indeed. 


—Retold by Blake Johnson EB yis 


PART NINE: 


War and Peace in Hollywood 


patriotic pinups shared the screen with 
anti-axis sadism, then post-war 
american mosies bagan, defying Hia 
code with more explicit sexuality 


IF OUR TROOPS overseas during World War Two 
did much dreaming about the girl back home, it 


was in spite of, not because of, the movies they 


saw. Throughout the War years, films dominated 


their lives. GIs were trained by them, indoctri- 
nared by them and learned from them the dan- 
gers of V. D. From Stateside camps right up to 
the front lines, they had available tw them the 


latest Hollywood rel 


ases in vast. profusion. Stars 
and starlets entertained them in U. S. O. shows 
They even learned to shoot their M-Is by prac 
ticing on mock-up targets bearing the likeness of 
Betty Grable. The platinumed Miss Grable, the 


favorite pinup girl of the Wa 


years, typified 
the new style in sex symbols—curvaceous, long 
legged and bosomy. Rita Hayworth, Lana 
Turner, Jane Russell, Carole Landis (dubbed 
nd, in a 
vest-pocket edition, Veronica Lake shared both 


the "ping" girl, for some reason) 


the Grable attributes and the Grable popu- 
larity. These were definitely not "girl next door" 
types; and while some psychologists, such as 
Martha Wolfenstein. and Nathan. Leites 
maint 


ave 


ed ihat what the Wartime heroine 


actually represented was home and mother, most 
Gls found it far pleasanter to fantasize them- 
selves as Errol Flynns rescuing these gorgeous 
creatures from their Nazi or Nipponese perse 


cutors in eager anticipation of their 


ateful ve 


ward. If thereupon they had turned out 10 be 
mother, or even the girl next door, the disap 
pointment. might well have been unbearable. 

In one way or another, the War profoundly 


influenced the American films of the Forties, 
introducing new themes, new types and, above 
all, new attitudes toward sex. Indeed, well before 
America’s official participation in it, while the 


country officially still maintained its traditional 
isolationist posture. the process was already be- 
ginning. The prudish nice-Nellyism of brassieres 
for the little centaurettes who cavorted to Beetho- 
ven's Pastoral Symphony in Walt Disney's Fan- 
lasia—àa touch that the H 


ys Office insisted upon 
—was thoroughly derided when the film ap- 
peared late in 1940, Meanwhile, the sweater—an 
article of feminine apparel popularized by Lana 
Turner—had become so albpervasive that in 
April of 1940 Joseph I. Breen, the 
of the industry's Production Code, warned that 
in the future “any ‘sweater shots’ in which the 
breasts are clearly outlined will be rejected 

An International Ladies G 
Union knitwear lo 


administrator 


arment Workers 


1 protested that his ukase 
"struck at the economic security of 50.00 work 
ers,” but it was soon evident thar they had little 


HOLLYWOOD GOES TO WAR: In a role reversal epitomizing the Wartime man shortage, three WACs (Lana Turner, Laraine Day and 
Susan Peters) try out their wolf whistles on a passing serviceman in “Keep Your Powder Dry.” The studios also did their bit for morale by pro~ 
ducing patriotic pinup pictures such as the bombshell at top right. Meanwhile, back at the front, sex stars like John Wayne and Errol Flynn were 
busy vanquishing the enemy in such gung-ho epics as “Back to Bataan" and “Objective, Burma!” (center). Victory, however, often came too late to 
save the leading ladies in distress from an assortment of Axis atrocities in such propaganda films as “Hitler s Children” and “Secret Agent of Japan.” 


BELOVED AND BEREFT: Sex star Ava Gardner was 
typecast (opposite Robert Walker, far left) as the goddess of love 
in “One Touch of Venus” (1948). Paulette Goddard, Dorothy 
Lamour and Veronica Lake—three of the War years? most 
popular glamor girls—lament their dateless fate in “Star 
Spangled Rhythm,” a star-spangled flag waver of the period. 
BETTY AND HEDY: Pinup queen Betty Grable concealed 
her famous legs beneath a two-piece evening gown in “Down 
Argentine Way," one of the musicals that made her the nation’s 
top female moncy-maker until 1945. Another escapist Wartime 
musical, “Ziegfeld Girl” found a forally bedecked Hedy Lamarr 
with little to do but look beautiful for co-star Tony Martin. 
BEAUTY AND BEAST: Victor Mature and Carole Landis, 
who owed their screen success mostly to their respective builds, 
portrayed a monosyllabic cave man and his mate in “One Million 
B.C." Another prehistoric type, the simian villain of “ Nabonga," 
like King Kong, had a taste for the female of the species—but not 
his own (in this case, an unknown starlet named Julie London). 


to fear. The ruling was honored more in the breach 
than in the observance 

Dialog, too, had suddenly grown racier. Despite 
Clark Gable's historic and hotly contested "damn" in 
his last line from Gone with the Wind, the Hays Office 
stubbornly maintained its long list of forbidden words 
—augmented in 1941 by such late starters as "ally cat,” 
broad" and “hot” (applied to a woman), “goose” and 
* 
m 
“buzzard” (too similar in sound to "bastard". But 
scripowriters were geuing their points across without 
breaking the rules—just bending the spirit of the Code. 
In They Drive by Night, for example, truck driver 
George Raft surveys the “dassy chassis” of waitress 
Sheridan and offers to “finance it.” "Who do you 
think you're kidding?" Miss Sheridan replies. “Why, 
you couldn't even pay for the headlights.” Later, she 
invites Raft up to her apartment for a cup of coffee. 
"No, no collec," Raft says slyly. But he follows her up 
to her apartment anyway. The Legion of Decency 
responded by putting the film on its "Morally objec- 
tionable in part" list—along with many other "A" 
productions of the period, including Gone with the 
Wind; but the exhibitors, through their wade publica- 
tions, were openly asking the producers to "ler down 
the bars" and to "cook up some spicier dishes" to at- 
tract a public that had been shrinking steadily through- 
out the late Thirtie 

As war drew nearer, the studios began to discover 
that they could meet such demands with greater im- 
punity. In a 1940 survey of civil liberties in the United 
States entitled In the Shadow of War, the ever-watchful 
American Civil Liberties Union reported that censor- 
ship of motion pictures, plays, books and radio had 


declined sharply, and added, “Since most of the censor- 


HE-MEN: A tough-guy hoodlum in the pre-War years—he 
Played the gunman “Mad Dog” Earle opposite Ida Lupino in 
“High Sierra” (lop)—Humphrey Bogart had metamorphosed by 
1943 into a tough-guy hero, as the grizzled Sergeant Guan 
(center) in “Sahara,” a hard-bilten action picture about tank 
warfare in North Africa. Many of his greatest roles—as the 
worldly, wisecracking loner in such classics as “Key Largo," 
“To Have and Have Not” and “The Big Sleep" —were yet to 
come. ** This Gun for Hire” made an overnight star of Alan Ladd, 
a dough-guy type who turned on female fans—and co-star 
Veronica Lake—with his sexy portrayal of a cold-blooded killer. 


ship is based upon socalled moral 
grounds, it indicates an increasing toler- 
ance of themes which a few years ago 
d hostility and official interfer- 
Clearly, as the Depression rolled 
, not just the exhibitors but the 
public at large chafing against the 
artificially maintained moral standards of 
the Thi - ficantly, Breen himself, 
offered the position of production head 
at RKO studios, in May of 1911 tempo- 
rarily relinquished the job of trying to 
police an industry with antiquated and 
ineffectual ground rules, Actually, many 
felt that he had been laughed out of 
office by public reaction to his anti- 
sweater girl" manifesto. 

Breen's departure did not mean that 
suddenly, miraculously, the studios were 
given a green ht to ignore their 
Code's strictures, however. The Code 
sull prevailed; but a few more liberties 
could now be taken within its fram 
work. Shortly before Brecn's resign: 
Won, RKO released a version of Sidney 
Howard's 1925 Pulitzer Prize-winning 
play, They Knew What They Wanted, 
suitably sanitized to Code specifications. 
In the stage version, the young wife of 

) elderly vintner has an affair with a 
virile field hand; the husband learns the 
worst, but forgives the girl and takes her 
back. In the film, however, which co- 
sared Charles Laughton and Carole 
Lombard, not only is the couple not 
married (thus eliminating any Code 
problems with adultery), but it is made 
clear that the infidelity was definitely 
not of the lady’s choosing. Even so, the 
picture has her going off, at the end, 
hopeful that perhaps sometime in the 
future the wedding bells will ring out. 
uck with a strikingly similar situa- 
tion shortly after Breen's resignation, 
MGM treated. it with considerably more 
frecdom—at least until the Legion of De- 
cency stepped in. Two-Laced Woman, 
Greta Garbo's last picture, was originally 
to have been the story of i 
n love affair in whi 
ng an unglamorous ski instructress, 
poses as her sexy, madcap twin sister, 
ly the kind of girl that sophis- 
ied. Melvyn Douglas really wanted to 
ry. To avoid Code complications, the 
film had the skiing 
Douglas in the first reel. But this still 
posed something of a problem toward 
the end of the picture, when Douglas 
pursues a wispily clad Garbo—the invent- 


ed twin—from parlor to bedroom with 
infidelity clearly uppermost 


n his mind. 
ckly took the 
a scene could 


audience—is informed 
the supposed twin is really his wife, 
which made the whole pursuit perfectly 


SEX IN DISNEYLAND: Walt Disney's “Fantasia” (1940) was to have included a 
harmless sequence featuring bare-busted female centaurs, but Production Code censorship 
forced him to accouter them in modest flowery brassieres before the film was completed, 


TK OU SHALL IN ZI 


LAW DEFEATED 
INSIDE OF THIGH) 
LACE LINGERIE = 


AUN = 


Z 
8 
9 


a 


TEN COMMANDMENTS: A staged photograph published in Life in 1946 (top left) depicted ten of the Codes many violations, for any one of 
* Tobacco Road" had to omit the explicit sex scenes of the Caldwell novel, 


which an entire scene could be barred from a film. In order to carn a Scal. 
right) between Ellie May (Gene Tierney) and her reluctant boyfriend, 


but director John Ford managed to retain the c wrestling mutch (te 
MAKING HAY: Touted by a torrid ad campaign (featuring the provocative publicity still and theater poster above), an unknown Howard Hughes 
discovery named Jane Russell became a major sex star long before “The Outlaw” was released in 1948. When the Breen Office, outraged by this un- 
buttoned ballyhoo, took the unprecedented step of revoking the film's Scal, Hughes retaliated by showing it without one. The picture packed them in. 


ILLICIT LOVE: [n the changing moral climate of the Forties, Hollywood 
began to bend the Code—and get away with it. Left, top to bottom: 
Adultery (between Lana Turner and John Garfield) and murder (of her un- 


suspecting husband) were the seamy themes of “The Postman Always Rings 


Trice”; “Scarlet Street” told the pathetic tale of an older man (Fdw ard G. 
Robinson) abased by his lust for a heartless hustler (Joan Bennett); "For 
Whom the Bell Tells” was highlighted by a controversial, though fully 
clothed, sleeping-bag scene between lovers Gary Cooper and Ingrid Bergman; 


and Alfred Hitchcock's 1946 thriller “Notorious” cast Bergman opposite 
Cary Grant as a sexual pawn in an illicit game of international intrigue. 
RITA: Of all the pinup queens of the Forties, few exuded sex more abun- 
dantly than Rita Hay:worth—thanks to scenes such as this one from Gilda," 
in which, with a bit of audience participation, she performed a sensu- 


ous, if incomplete, striptease while singing Put the Blame on Mame,” 


proper, but utterly pointless. Indicative of the widening gap 
between. what could get past the Code and what the Legion 
might approve was the Legion’s rating of Life Begins for Andy 


Hardy as "Morally unobjectionable for adults"—but not for 


the kiddies. Specifically, what the Legion objected to was a 
sequence in which our hero Learns About Women from pert, 
pretty Patricia Dane, a telephone operator who invites young 
Andy up to her apartment for an evening of unspecified “fu 


While the Code's administrators may have relaxed a bit, clearly 
the Legion of Decency's minions had no such intention. 
Many other films in those halcyon, pre-War days either 
skirted the Code or openly flouted it. Generally, after some 
cutting and reshooting, they ended up with a Code Seal—but 
also with a "B" or even a "C" rating from the Legion. Thus, 
Carole Landis’ alibreviated costume as she roamed the forest 


primeval in leather bra and loincloth in Hal Roach's One 
Million B. C. encountered much the sime opposition that 
greeted. Jane's similarly utilitarian mode of attire in the 
arly Tarzan pictures—yet i ared on the screen. Strange 
Cargo, a steamy Clark Gable-Joan Crawford co-starrer set in 
a tropical penal colony, was passed by the Code but con 
demned by the Legion—until Metro eliminated so many of 
the torrid love scenes that the plot made no sense whatsoever. 
The Primrose Path, in which Ginger Rogers played the 
daughter of a roistering and unrepentant prostitute, had even 
rougher sledding. Based on Victoria Lincoln’s best-selling 
novel February Hill (albeit considerably toned down in its 
intimations of the mother's profession). the film won a Code 
Seal but was barred by local censors in a number of cities as 
‘obscene and indecent.” (Ironically, the picture now plays in 


PLAYBOY 


those same communities without the 
slightest. protest—via TV.) Turabout, 
a Thorne Smith comedy in which a mar- 
d couple switch. identities, occupations, 
wd attire, was essentially a sl 

of smoking-car humo 
though t e venture into transvestism 
was generally regarded as more tasteless 
than indecent. lt drew a “B” [rom 
the Legion: as did Universal's film adap- 
tation of the Rodgers and. Hart. musical 
The Boys from Syracuse, based on Shake- 
spears A Comedy of Emors, even 
though Sl s contrived marital 
mix-ups were barely hinted at- 

But the picture that threw the censors 
into a tizzy all over the country, and for 
a time threatened the very existence of 
ihe indusuy’s Production Code, was 
Howard Hughes inept, rambunctious, 
aggresively sexy Western The Outlaw. 
Not released until 1943, it had been in 
termiuently in production—whenever 
Hughes could find the time—since carly 
a 1940; the Breen Office received its first 
he was up to in Decem- 
ba . Without yet having 
seen one foot of film, which was based 
solely on Jules Furthman's script, Breen 
let loose à barrage of cautionary memos. 
For onc sequence. he advised that the 
leading lady wear a bathrobe over the 
nightgown indicated in the text. He 
questioned whether a rape scene could 
be handled with "good taste." In anoth 
er note, he pointed out that “Care will 
be needed in this scene with Billy pull- 
ing Rio down on the bed and kissing, 
her, to avoid sex suggestiveness ™—ilong 


with some 20 other similar items. 
In his book The Face on the Cutting 
Room Floor, author Murray Schumach 


describes as typical of the skirmishing 
between Breen and Hughes a contre 
temps that arose over a single linc of di- 
alog. Rio (played by Jane Russell) has 
been asked by her lover, Doe Holliday 
(Waler Huston), to look after the 
wounded Billy the Kid (Jack Buetel)— 
nd keep him warm." Rio, even though 
she was raped by Bil lier in the 
film, complics by climbing into bed with 
him after Doc rides olf on Billy's horse. 
When Doc returns and expresses his dis- 
approval of this particular form of phys- 
cil therapy. Billy points out that Doc 
has had the use of his horse in the 
interim. adding, "A fair exchange is no 
robbery." For this line, Hughes had sub- 
stituted, “You borrowed [rom me. I bor- 
row from you"—to which Breen objected. 
His counterproposal was—ul wably 
for tat.” 10 which Hughes de- 
lightedly acceded. But now Will. Hays 
objected: and the final line to appea 
the script was Hughes’ "You borrowed 

For the end of the pic- 
n Office felt it might be a 
wholesome touch if Billy and Rio were 
married before riding off together into 
the sunset. Again, after a considerable 


128 exchange of heated memos, Hughes won 


his point—although later, after the film 
was in release, he threw a sop to the 
pressure groups by dubbing in a line of 
dialog suggesting that the two had been 
married by “that stranger on a white 
hoise.” Neither the audience nor anyone 
in the film had the slightest idea who 
“tha 
Squabbles over the script, however, 
were insignificant compared with Breen's 
ge when, in March of 1911, he screened 
the complete film for the first time. In the 
more than six years that he had been ad 
ministering the Production Cole, he 
ated, he had never seen anything like 
c Ruwell And there was plenty to 
Although Miss Russell was naturally 
well endowed, Hughes had contrived to 
emphasize her charms by himself invent 
ing a cantilevering bra that encircled 
her more-than-ample breasts, gi 
them at once contour, prominence 
maximum exposure. To capitalize on his 
vention, he dressed her in revealing 
blouses that draped low olf the shoul- 
ders, and. in. men's shirts that. buttoned 
well below the bosom. Throughout the 
he called for bits of business that 
ired her to bend over—pecring into 
mirrors, stooping to pick things off the 
floor, kissing the supine Billy; and 
ways the cimera was strategically placed 
for maximum mammary exposure as the 
blouse or shirt billowed open. In one of 
the scenes excised by Breen, it was 
claimed that one could see clear down to 
her navel. For Breen. who had spent the 
greater. part of the Thirties | 
line against cleavage, such 
were more than he could coum 
He shot an angry letter off to Will Hays, 
his superior in the New York office of the 
Motion Picture Association. that read in 


might be. 


stran 


part, “I have never seen 
so unacceptable as the shots of the 
breasts of the character of Rio. . 


"Throughout almost half the picture, the 
e quite large and 
gly uncovered." 
used 10 consider 
a Seal of Approval 


shocki 


are 
For weeks he stoutly r 


prominent, 


giving The Outlaw 
without extensive r ny. But Breen 
was even then on his way out; and with- 
in a few weeks of his departure. the Se 
was granted. In all, only 40 feet of film 
had been eliminated. and Hughes per- 
mitted a few dialog changes. 

But Hughes did not immediately 
capitalize on the notoriety his picture 
had already achieved: with the outbreak 
of war a few months tool 
J aircraft interests monopolized all of 

tention. Not until February of 1913 
ime to debut his 
1 then only long enough 
single booking in a S: 


shoot 


his 
could he spare enous 


not to come years later, 
1916, when Hughes was finally free to 
e it what he considered a proper per. 
send-oll. The ensuing ballyhoo 
aign (of which more later) was one 


sonal 
camp 


of the noisiest in movie history. Although: 
at the outbreak of the War no one had 
yet seen The Outlaw, the lan magazines, 
the Sunday supplements, the ad cam- 
paigns and the publicity had 
trived to create an image of Jane Russell 
as the ultimate in sexuali 
seen, she became a favorite 
pinup. 


Wartime 


Within hours of their induction into 
the Army, most Gls were treated 10 a 
free movie show, the first of many 
official training and informational film 
entertainments they were to enjoy under 
Army auspices. Generally, the first. pro 
gram included a short on military cour- 
tesy, one on the Articles of War, and a 
hall-hour documentary entitled 
Although directed. by the 
ble John Ford, Sex Hygiene fea- 


giene. 
ven 


tured none of his strapping cowboys or 
vengeful Indi 


i. Instead, this sober— 

little film presented in 

ic terms a straightloi 

gainst the dangers of 
c. In it, an enlisted 

on the town for a night gets hooked by a 


hooker. When the medics discover 1 

he has a "dose," they seize the occasion 
to inform him—and the rest of the Army 
—just what he may be in for. Films, pho- 
tos and slides depict advanced cases of 
syphilis—the unsightly sores, the physical 
deformities. the ghastly brain damage 


Then, no less graphically, the weamments 
begin. For many of the inductees, it wa 
early a tosup which was worse—the ra 
ages of the disease or the treatment for 
it. At every showing, scores of prospec- 
tive warriors fainted dead away as th 
long needles went to work on sere 
Needless to . the film left a da: 
impression. Even today, 
of a century later, veterans can recall the 
youthful GI mounting of a 
seedy hotel for his moment of joy, paus 
ing at the threshold of the prostitute’s 
room to depos m 
the banister outside, then the quick fade 
as he enter ily unbutroning his 
tunic. Some may even remember tha 
when he re-emerged and picked up his 
cigarette again, it was still burning and 
scarcely any ash had accumulated. Were 
these few seconds of pleasure, the film 
seemed to ask, worth the price of a life 
time of agony? (In case the answer was 
yes. the Army thoughtfully supplied free 
condoms with its passes for town.) 

The Army's Wartime movies, many of 
them made under the supervision of 
Colonel Frank Capra, set new standards 
for documentary realism. Capra, the direc 
tor of such happy hits of the Thirties as 
TH Happened One Night and Mr. Deeds 
Goes to Town, was one of the many 
Hollywood ers to offer their tal- 
ems to the War Department's several 
motion-picture service 
preparing a series of “ori (read 

(continued on page 119) 


ing 
most à quarter 


ew SYMBOLIC SEX 


S WORK? 
PAS EE more sprightly spoofings of the signs of our times 


humor By DON ADDIS 
© iT FEU To EARTH 


1 KNOW Not WHERE 


-AND REMEMBER, 
TRY NOT To STARE 
z HE's OK, AS FAR. 


AS HE GOES 


Pom 9o 


TAKE Me To YouR LEADER. 


How Do You KEEP 

s TRACK OF ALL 

THERES Just SoMETING ABouT Yon. wonen; TX? 
i SNAKES THAT Gives ME THE CREEPS ie 


HES ADUAYS TALKING 
ABouT iT BUT HE 


NEVER Does ANYTHING 
ABouT iT 


PLAYBOY 


130 


LIGHT ITALAN HAND (continued from page 71) 


in the bagna cauda 
sunny Italian accent, To sauté a sliced 
onion or a piece of veal, use olive oil or 
ad half butter. Before 
ak. brush it with olive oil 
t brown crust. Most of the 
ian antipasti in jars 
—the tiny stuiled eggplants. artichoke 
hearts and assorted. pepper salads 

n a base of olive oil and spices. 
OF course, summersyled gourmets 
! dine very handsomely on antipasto 
lone. But we don't go along w 
argument that antipasto (meaning be 
fore the meal) should never be followed 
by pasta. They're in fact a luscious du 
just as long as the pas 
too large or too heavy. Its only when 
both antipasto and pasta arc offered up 
as a double prolog to a meal of soup. 
meat. vegetables, salad, dessert and bev- 
crage that Italian cooking overextends 
itself, Incidentally, this kind of m 
thon eating, promoted by Italian restau- 
rants in the States, is seldom found in 
ly i in couse with or 
without pasta, antipasto makes a marvel- 
ous meal Instead 
flat 


« 


vings 


of combi 


poinument, iy making wp your own 
planers from the wealth of fish deli 
i . sliced meats and other 
Tor portage, We have 
ticular Tight antipisto and. pasta 
tes that will get you in and out of 
the kitchen with a ium. of. eflort, 
One includes prosciutto wrapped around. 
bread sticks. Genoa salami, artichoke 
hearts in oil, tiny stuffed eggplants, 
Boston lettuce, imported tuna fillets and 
noodles with pepper salad in oil, For an 


alternative, try sliced mortadella, pep- 
peroni thats been sliced wafer thin, 
pickled mushrooms, sardines, celery 
hearts, black olives. wedges of hard egg 
nd romito. and ditalini with peas. 
Long before World War Two, Halian 


immigrants found that one of the fastest 
ways 10 be welcomed into a new neigh- 
borhood was to offer a long, crisp bun 
that had been split and Bed with 
m slices of sharp cheese and 
onion. a generous dousing of olive oil 
and a sprinkling of hot dried red pep 
pers. During the War, Gls in Italy usu 
ally spent their rest periods. running 
from pi The pizza and the 
hero sandwich American as 


D 


10 post 


€ now as 


“We prefer calling it an ‘inoculation’ 
rather than a “fix.” 


Philadelphia scrapple, and in time they 
could become just as stodgy, Use voir 
Imagination when concocting new hero 
combinations. Six- to eight-inch slices 
of bread that have been stuffed with 
mussels in anchovy-llavored mayonnaise, 
and tomato, or 
m wrappe 
vegetables and. thin. slices of provolone 
cheese make a moutls repast 

For many an Halian, the great m 
ment of the meal comes at its end. even 
when only a basket of fruit or a cheese 
tray is served, II an Italian must choose 
between caring heartily and talking. he 
won't hesitate to stifle the most brilliant 
conversationalist. But the arrival of the 
cheese and the fruit, to be followed in 
time by the espreso and the liqueur, 
is the signal that he can now eat and 
converse as long and as leisurely as 
he pleases. No American cheese comes 
close to rivaling the imported parmesan 
freshly cut off the wheel (not the pre- 
packaged variety). Although the Reggi 
ano parmesan is normally used 
grating cheese in the States, it's 
nificent for munching straight. Though 
semi-hard, it’s quite chewable and has a 
mellow nutty flavor that goes b. 

i fresh fruits and Tralian 
n blue checse is called gorgonzola 
pinnacle is the version that has the 
mamic name Superzola or Gorgonzola 
Crema. I's a blucblood found only in 
the finest cheese specialty shops. For au 
thentic flavor, all cheeses must be earen 
at room temperature. Although Jraly is 
the land of the grape, the olive and the 
fig, its other fruits usually don't reach 
the deep cordial flavor of fresh Ameri 
can Elbert peaches. thick Crenshaw mel 
ons or firm Bartlett pears just turning 
ripe. For those with a sweeter tooth, 
there are imported Italian fruits in bran 
dy or liqueurs. We've a special Viva! for 
black cherries in brandy designed for 

ing over icc cream. At the table 
the idea of placing in a kuge 
curglass dish twice as many scoops ol 
ice cream as there are guests, then top 
ping off the colorful mound with fruits 
bottled in liqueurs. It makes a festive 
desert, indeed. 

Serve up the following 
olferings for caseful eating Italian siyle 
and the temperature be hanged. Each 
recipe serves fom. 


sa 
g- 


so m 


lightweight 


MOZZARELLA AND ANCHOVY SANDWICHES 


? eggs, well b 

14 cup heavy cream 

14 teaspoon salt 

S ozs. mozzarella cheese, sliced thin 

8 square slices white bread 

or. can fat anchovy fillets, drained 

oz. can sliced m 
Olive oil 
Combine eggs, cream and sali, 

beat well. Place cheese on 4 

bread. Place anchovies and mushrooms 

on cheese and top with remaining bread 


ishrooms. drained 


and 


slices of 


to make sandwiches, In large heavy 
frying. pan heat oil, to a depth of 1% 

Holding sandwiches with both hands to 
keep intact, dip into egg mixture, as 

making French toast. Fry sandwiches ui 
til golden brown on both sides and cut 
ch one into halves or quarters before 


SHRIMP PEPPERONI 


ned shr 


1 Ib. cooked, peeled, dev nps 
Toz. jar roasted sweet peppers. or 
alent in pimientos, drained 


equi 
1 cup dry white wine 
4 tablespoons butter 


2 8-07. cans Italian tomatoes 
2 tablespoons bread crumbs 
t, celery salt, pepper, monosodium 
glutamate 

Buy shrimps freshly cooked at fish 
store. Cut peppers into Yin, dice. Sim 
mer wine in large saucepan until r 
duced to 14 cup. Add shrimps, peppers. 
butter, tomatoes with their juice and 
bread crumbs. Bring up to boiling point 
but do not boil. Simmer only until 
shrimps are heated through. Season to 
taste with salt, celery salt, pepper and 
monosodium glutama 


RICE AND SPINACI 


1 cup quick (precooked) long-gri 
rice 


9 191502. 


E ^s chicken. broth 
1 cup canned white kidney beans (can- 
nellini) or. garbanzos 
4 tablespoons butter 
tablespoons grated parmesan cheese 
iblespoons lemon juice 
Salt, pepper, monosodium glutamate 
lic powder 

Cook spinach, following directions on 
package. Do not drain. Cook rice, fol- 
lowing directions on package. Combine 
d spinach in soup pot. Put 1 can 
chicken bi ad beans in blender: 
add t0 soup pot 
chicken broth. Bring 
nd simmer 5 
minutes. If soup is too thick, thin with 
additional chicken broth or with water 
wd instant chicken bouillon. Add but 
ter, cheese and lemon juice. Heat until 
butter mels. Season generously with 
salt, pepper and. monosodium glutamate. 
Add a dash of garlic powder; add more 
lemon juice if desired. Pass additional 
parmesan: cheese at. table. 


SPAGI 
1 tb 
y 


"TINI, GENOFSE PESTO SAUCE 


spaghettini 


4 cup olive oil 
1 tablespoon dried basil 
2 tablespoons toasted pine nuts 


ge cloves garlic, minced 
reshly grated parmesan cheese 
iblespoons grated romano cheese 

14 teaspoon salt 

4 tablespoons butter 

Ina small saucepan, heat oil and basil 
over a very low flame about 5 minutes. 


The heat releases the flavor of the dried 
basil. Do not permit oil 10 smoke. (If 
fresh basil is available, use 3 tablespoons 
and do not heat with oil.) If pine nuts 
are not toasted, place them in a shallow 
pan in oven preheated a 375 
about 10 minutes or until light: brow! 
Avoid scorching, In well of electric 
blender put oil with basil, garlic, 4 cup 
parmesin cheese, romano checse, pine 
huts and salt. Blend at high speed for 30 
seconds. Cook spaghettini in boiling salt- 
ed water just until tender. Drain well. 
tossing in colander or lifting with fork 
until dried. Pour sauce over spagheuini 
on large plater or individ 
Add butter and (oss thoroughly to bl 
sauce, butter and spaghetti s addi- 
tional parmesan cheese a 


COLD PORK TONNATO 


M Ib. roast pork loin or roast fresh 
ham, thinly sliced 

1 cup dry white wine 

1 small onion, minced. 

1 egg 

1 teaspoon lemon juice 

Y& teaspoon dry mustard 

Jj teaspoon anchovy paste 

y cup olive oil 

8 tablespoons tuna fish, minced 

Small capers in v 

Salt, pepper 


Buy the pork at a salumeria or any del- 
icatessen featuring cooked prime meats. 
In small saucepan heat wine and on 
until wine is reduced to 14 cup: avoid 
cooking until wine has completely e 
orated. In well of electric blender put 
gg lem chovy 
paste. Blend at low speed 5 seconds. 
Very slowly, in smallest posible stream, 
add oil while blender continues 10 run 
at low speed. Stop blender and add wi 
with onions and tuna fish. Blend at low 
speed about 5 seconds more. Remove 
sauce from blender and stir in 2 table- 
spoons capers. Add salt and. pepper to 
taste. Sprea between 
meat, and arrange them shingle style on 
very shallow casserole or deep platter. 
Sprinkle 2 additional tablespoons capers 
on top. Cover casserole with lid or poly- 
per. Chill in refrigers 
5 hours or overnight. Pork Tonna 
be served as antipasto or cold mei 
course. 
c p 


juice, mustard and 


d sauce slices. of 


ethylene | 


ceding comestibles—whether 
ing or 
e—are Roman recipes for 


whipped up for foursome fea 
guests gale 


getting one out of the summer dining 
doldrums with enjoyable ease. Ciao! 


131 


PLAYBOY 


MISS BRYFOGEL (continued from page 117) 


time, I 


representative citizen of our 
knew that it was an impossibi 
Tt must be caused, then, by something 
from outside my body and psyche. But 
what? T looked about me. My television 
set droned on harmlessly in the corner 
h its endless pro golf match, its per- 
l succession ol Arnold Palmers, 
layers, Don Januarys, Jay He 
berts and other heroic figures of our 
e, hitting Title balls with sticks over 
the green hills of TV land. Surely it 
could not be this innocent vision. I 
glanced about the room. All was familiar 
ad normally sybaritic. 
I sipped nervously at my rich, full. 
instant coffee and tried to 
wrench my mind back into healthier 
channels. Forcibly 1 made myself think 
of higher things. I tried to recall a few 
of the better scenes from the magnificent 


vored 


8mm art films I had seen the we 
the Nouveau. Cinématique R 
Festival | had auended: The Passion- 


ate Transvestite, a superb, delicate, subtly 
controlled delineation of sen: 
theme; and its attendant feature, Tilly 
the Toiler Meets Winnie Winkle, a 
wildly robust comedy making satiric 
sport of the puritanical mores of our 
day. Passionate, as it is known to us 
cinema aficionados, was even beucr d 
Candy Meets King Kong. 
war indictment couched in cuttingly sar- 
donic Volt: n brush strokes. 

It was no use. Somethi 
bling me. I stirred resilessly, kick 
the drift of newspaper t 
ankles. Something caught my e 
held it. Those sinister, fugitive pangs of 
guilt rose to a crescendo. And then I 
new! It was unmistakable. Draped 
over the toe of my Italian ostrichskin 
and alligator lounging slipper, provoca 
tively half-opened, was the Sunday Times 
Book Review supplement. It held my 
nervous gaze like a hooded cobra about 
to st But this was only the good old 
fa ar Book Review, a wusted friend 
that had sustained me through many a 

ippery moment at countless cocktail 
And yet now, for some un- 
accountable reason, this friendly, faithful 
companion had touched off th: nt 
but insistent sickness of fear and humilia- 
n, deep in my vitals where such 
things lurk. 

What was there about this innocent 
sheaf of newsprint? I bent forward to 
look more closely at the cover page. Its 
familiar, staid and measured grayness 
suddenly came into sharp focus. “New 
DITION OF RENAISSANCE CLASSIC," said the 
heading in bold type, and at center page 
was a black-and-white woodcut showing 
a languorous youth lounging under a 
ale tree, and beside him a Floren- 
tine lady wearing the flowing gowns of 
the nunnery. Where had I scen that spent 


132 lad, and that lady of the Church before? 


And then, cerily, barely perceptible, a 
voice eddied up out of the swamp of my 
subconscious, the indistinct syllables 
bursting like bubbles of marsh gas gener- 
ated by the decomposition of prehistoric 
monsters. A feminine voice! What was 
she saying to me? I strained 10 hear. Tt 
seemed 10 come somehow from the very 
grain of the woodeut itself. 1 hunched 
decper into my motor-driven Vibra- 
Snoove lounging chair. The voice came 
nearer and nearer, and then, clearly, I 
realized it was asking mc a question, a 
question 1 had been asked before, eons 
before. 

"Where did you get that book?” 

Shaken with a terror such as I had not 
known since my days as a ten-year-old, I 
rushed to my Inna-V i ak- 
wood-paneled Danish xl blindly 
pressed a button, Seconds later, clute 
ing three fingers of sour-mash bourbon, I 
tried to regroup. But Miss Bryfogel pur- 
sued me, asking her question again and 
again. Mis Bryfogel! And i 
began to come back, the whole sordid, 
fetid mess. 

Seuling back 


then it 


mo my chair, I began to 
reconstruct that awful moment of my 
fall from grace. 1 had once been as pure 
as the driven snow, an apple-cheeked In- 
lad who delighted in the birds of 

and the soft, humming after- 


spring 


à love. With Mary Louise 
s Bryfogel ta th- 


ght si 


School in Hammond, and for every 55- 
minute period that I was permiucd in 
her presence, I lay, in imagination, pros 
t her feet. Her soft, heart-shaped 
d dark, liquid eyes haunted 
my every waking hour. She never 
the slightest indication that she, too, wa 
stirred to the depths. But 1 knew. 
Miss Bryfogel would read poetr 
s my classmates, clods to à m 
fitfully. But I, love buds atingle, eyes 
misty, wept with her over Evangeline 
and Old Jronsides. 1 had only one way 
of my love: through our 
age, the book report. I 
as never a stylist, but 1 felt that sincer 
ity and neatness, as well as meticulous 
spelling and ample margins, would get 
my subtle message through. 

As far as my reading tastes went, 1 ran 
heavily toward The Outdoor Chums 
(which my Aunt Glenda persisted in giv 
ng me), Flash Gordon Meets Ming the 
Merciless, Popular Mechanics and three 
tattered copies of G-S and His Battle 
Aces, which I had revead at leist 74 
times, getting more from their rich 
mosaic at every reading, However, these 
were not reportable. 

And so every k was sheer torture as 
I nervously phonied up my Friday re 
port on some respectable but. impenena- 


10 us 
, dozed 


nu- 


ble book. The books were taken from 
the public library, and were doled out to 
us by Miss Easter, the librarian. Miss 
Easter was a idly, thin, i lady 
who had been born we of 
gold-rimmed locals and with a full 
head of bluegr ir. 1 recall vividly 
one hellish week trying to get through 
the first page of something called Ivan- 
hoe, which had been highly recom- 
mended by both Miss Easier l Miss 
Rryfogel. 

My reports themselves actually r: 
a sort of form. For example: 
Robinson Crusoe, by Daniel Defoe. 
Robinson Crusoe is about this man who 
got lost on this island. He made a hat 
out of a coconut shell and found this 
footprint on the beach. His island was 
named Friday, and he had a goat. This 
is a very interesting book. It was exciting, 
1 think Robinson Crusoe is a good book. 

[9 

“Black Beauty, by Anna Sewell. Black 
Beauty is about this horse that got sold 
lav cruel man. He hit Black Beauty 
nd Blick Beauty was very unhappy 
because Black Beauty was a kind horse 
ad didn't hit anybody. I think books 
pout horses are very exciting, and Black 
Beauty is a very exciting book. It has 
three hundred and two pages, and I 
think anyone would enjoy reading Black 
Beauty.” 

I felt strongly that unqualified 
use for any book on Miss Bryfogel’s 
ng List would convev to 
ings not only about the 
bout her—and als 


n to 


» 


ili 
A Rea 
her my deep fce! 
books she read but 
would net me at least a C. Miss Bryfogel 
also encouraged something she called 
“Outside Reading," which meant books 
list. Miss Easter had a 

desirable nonofficial 


t file of 
books at h 
in glove with all the Miss Bryfogels at 
the Warren G. Harding School, cease 
lessly striv ick the frontiers 
of barbarism and ignorance 
high the Nuttering banners of culture. In 
Hammond, Indiana, that was an almost 
impossible crusade. 

On several occasions 1 had gone the 
treacherous route of Outside Reading. It 
was invariably stupendously boring. But 
ready 1 had mastered the art of manu- 
facturing an entire book report from 
two paragraphs selected at random from 
the text, plus a careful reading of the 
dust jacket—a system that is not un- 
known to some professional reviewers. 

But the s not the only 
source of books available to the probing 
id. There was home—and in my in 
nce. the bookcase in the dining room, 
filled to bursting with my fathers pre 
cious collection of atrocious books. We 
did not subscribe to the literary magi- 
zines, and T doubt whether my father 
had ever read à book review in his entire 
life, if he even knew they existed; hence 


ise 


“I just don't feel Mr. Witherspoon belongs here 
in Retirement Acres.” 


133 


PLAYBOY 


134 


“And how's my litlle key club tonight?” 


he read for. pure. pleasure—such. weighty 
tomes as The Claw of Fu Manchu, The 
Canary Murder Case, Riders of the Pur 
ple Sage and the complete exploits of 
Philo Vance. At least these were the 
books that he kept in the dining room 
bookcase, I never really associated them 
! book reports; they were just stories, 
and book reports were about books 

There were also, however, other vol 
umes kept around the house—not many, 
just a few mysterious books kept in my 
parems” bedroom, or in the closet. No 
one ever said we shouldn't read. them 
Fhey were just kept out of our way. And 
them was this thick, 
green-covered, bulky book that had sat 
on the bottom shelf of my mother's end 
table for longer than 1 could remember. 
1t was so much a part of the scenery that 
it wasn't a book anymore: just a thing. I 
had opened it maybe twice in my entire 
life—tiny pr comprehensible: just 
book. Until that pivotal day when every 
thing changed. 

Jt was a chill, dark, lowering after- 


Toremost 


among 


noon: faint puffs of oily wind bore the 
essence of Phillips 66 
one open hearth throug 
and under the eaves. 1 was home alone. 
And itchy. These are dangerous condi 
tions, known 10 us all, Ranging through 
the empty house looking for something 


ad the number 
h the gauni wees 


to do, somewhere to light, chewing a sa- 
limi sandwich, 
ents’ 


1 homed in on my p: 
hedroom—which was someth 
y did: somehow it was off my ma 


othing Freudian or Viet 
just wasn't where the action was. How- 
ever, as the barometer fell and my itch 
increased. | dhified in and past the brass 


bed, just looking. 

The how and why of the exact instant 
The Book came into my hands I do not 
clearly recall, and. perhaps even that [act 
ificant, But somehow I knew with- 
even being told that jt was wrong, 
t what I was doing was vaguely on 
the other side of the line. These instincts 
run deep. Snatching up the book, my 
cars pricked for footsteps on the porch, I 
skulked into the bathroom and began my 


descent into iniquity and degradation. 

The title of the book meant nothing to 
me—the Decameron of Boccaccio. 1 had 
not seen it on Miss Easte 
on Mis Brvfogels Suggested Reading 
lists but it was thick and had small 
print, so 1 figured it must be good. Or at 
least official. Not only that, it had a for 
cign name, and anyone who has ever 
gone to elementary school knows that any 
hook with a foreign name is important 

Well P hadn't read fou 
when E realized that 1 had in my hands 
the golden key to Miss Dryfogel's 
passionate heart. Not only was this book 
almost totally incomprehensible, it was 
about friars and abbots, counts and 
coumtesses, knights errant, kings and 
queens, and a Jot of wild Italians. It also 
had pictures—woodcuts that reminded 
me of other important books that Miss 
Bryfogel had spoken highly of. In accord 
ance with my usual practice in book ic 
porting, T looked through the table of 
contents 10 pick out something specific 
10 read and to quote in case of embarrass- 
ing questions. | had never seen a table 
of contents like this before. It was listed 
“Day the First.” “Day the Second,” “Day 
the Third,” and under those headings 
something caught my eye 

“The First Story: Maseno of Limpo 
reco leigneth himself dumb and be 
cometh Gardener to a convent of women, 


"s shelves, nor 


sentences 


who all Hock to lie with him. 
Well, this was a natural, since 1 knew 
what “dumb” meant. There were plenty 
of dumb kids in my das. And Mis. 
Brunner, next door, had a garden. 1 
on home grounds. 1 plowed ahead, and 
the more T struggled to read, the more I 
realized that this was good for at least a 
B-plus. My senses alert for sounds in the 
driveway. I forged imo unknown teni 
tory. There was something about the 
story that drew me on like some gigantic 
magnet hauling a handful of iron filings 
across a sheet of paper. Though 1 some 
how had the idea tar an abbess was 
cither a safety-patrol lady or some kind of 
bad tooth, 1 couldn't put it down. And I 
began. inexplicably, to sweat—a telltale 
cla 


nminess. 

The stories didn't exactly end—not 
like The Outdoor Chums, where Dan, 
the bully, shakes his fist at Will, the fun 
loving chum, and rete 


ting in his ce 
ardly way, surrounded by his toadics, 


shouts: "Will, and all the rest of you 
Outdoor Chus—Vil get you yet! Just 
wait and see" The Outdoor Chums 


would laugh gaily, climb into their elec- 
uric canoe, head back to camp, and that 
would be it. But these stories didn't ex- 
actly end. They just sort of petcred out 
But 1 was hooked. 

Steamily, T arcad ou and on and on. 
And on. “The house grew darker and 
tolder; d ng. On the 
far-olf. horizon the night shift took over 
in the steel mills. The skies glowed as 


winds were ri 


the blast furnaces and the Bessemer con. 
verters painted the clouds a dull red 
orange. My eyes ached: my throat was dry 
and parched. 1 reid of maidens and vir 
m ill. 


lcs—and cuckolds, a 
yellowish, camarylike bird, 1 gathe 
Finally, glazed with fatigue, 1 cucfully 
replaced the green volume in its place of 
hoi nd went ino the küche 
knock together another salami 
1t had been a reddeuer afternoon. 
till Miss Bryfogel sees what gre: 
Fm reading now. | thought 
Tt was one of the very few times I ever 
looked forward t0 getting 10 work on a 
book report. It was Thursday, and the 
next day was, of course, our day of reck- 
oning. So after supper I scrunched over 
the kitchen table, my blue-lined table 
icad cover before me, my 
y wer fountain pen clutched 
in my hand, and began my most heart 
felt love. alle s Brylo 
“Decameron, by Gio 
nt carefully. my mind hum 
welloiled cock. toying with 
and finally selec 


Wi: 
books 


el 


phrases, reject 


the opening line 

“This is rhe bes, most 
book 1 ever read. It is by a Ta 
think this book is very interesting 
about these people that tell stori 
knights and friars and cuckolds." 

1 figured this was a nice touch, since T 
knew Mis Bryfogel liked. birds, Gather- 
ing steam. D went on: 

“There was this onc story about a 
named Mascuo who worked in a 
garden and he made believe he was 
dumb and he did a Jot of funny things, 
d there was this lady named The Ab- 
bess who said she would lieth with Ma 
setto because, T guess, she didn’t want to 
embarrass him because he was lying: She 
did, and they were very happy. 1 liked 
this story because T think 
den is a good thi 
lot of other stories 1 liked in thi 
Te is very hard to read because it 
small printing, but anyone would r 
this would like iL" 

1 leaned back and vercad my n 
piece. Wi was good, the best work 1 had 
ever donc. My mother, hunched over the 
sink in her Chinexered chenille bath- 
robe, doi c dishes, 
When the Blue of the 3 
Gold of the Day. Av this 


interesting 
nd I 
It is 


s about 


to have. There are 
book. 
has 


er- 


was humming 
sht Meets the 
ne she was 


her Bing Crosby period, The 
was wann, my stomach was 

stulled and life was Full. 
Friday dawned bright aud clear, a per 


fect gem of a mor (UT Hloated to 
P that high, exhilarated feel- 
man who has his homework 
and the world in the palm of his 
nd. Birds sang, milkmen whistled. I 
could hardly wait Six-B English. 


is Brylogel would know! She 


not mistake my devotion for a 
mere passing whim. 

That afternoon. she her desk 
looking even more unauainable, clusive 
d sultry than ever before. Her ope 
ing remarks followed the classic patte 
Pass your book reports up to the 

amd open your books to page 

eight." 
me, Simonson shoved his 
smudey scrap of paper, bearing the tile 
Sam, the Young Shortstop. From behind 
me. Helen Weathers poked my ear with 
Lassie Come Home. and 1. violins play- 
fortissimo in my soul, added m 
gnificcnt epistle to their scrubby lot. 
Miss Bryfogel simply stacked. the book 
reports. together. shoved them in a 
drawer, and we went to work on gerunds. 


could 


sat at 


fron 


At Jong last the class ended. Caressing 
Miss Bryfosel with my bu myopic 


eyes, E drifted out into the hall, knowing 
that the trap was set. She had a whole 
weekend to think about me and our life 
together, Now that she knew the higher 
things to which T aspired, the pinnacles I 
had conquered, there could be no stop- 
ping us! 

Saturday and Sunday flew by on the 
wings of ecstasy. And then Mi 
blessed. Monday. Ti was the first time in 
the recorded history of elucition that a 


normal, red-blooded male kid ever 
sprang out of bed at seven at, a full 15 
mutes carly, and took olf for school 


The 


hout so much a gle whine 
dragged endlessly, achingly toward 
noment of sublime triumph that I 
^w must come. The instant I walked 
mo Miss Bryfogel’s daswoom I knew I 
1 made the big strike. I was not even 
at my scat when she called me up to her 
desk. I turned, the way I had scen Clark 
Gable do so many times, and ambled up 
to her desk. Miss Bryfogel, her v 
sounding a Tule odd—no doubt duc to 
n—said: 
in, I'd like you to stay 
fier 
he jackpot! T swaggcred back 10 my 
seat a man among children. Fifty-five 
inutes later 1 stood before Miss Brylo 
els alar, ready to do her slightest bid- 
ding. She ope 
“Jean 
repor 
book. report," 
heh, heh,” D veplied. 
s nor used to this. D was strictly a 


"1 


few min 
dass" 


bout book 


very 


your 
well-written 


al GCplus men never get 
king in a 

w voice 
“Bur tell me, did you really . . . enjoy 


the book? 
"Yes. It was 


1 very exciting hook.” 


AL this point Miss Brytogel did so 
thing d had never seen a teacher do 
before, and the first faint whisper of dan- 


waled through my venti 
ad dc t me for a 
nally said, very quietly: 


tem. She just sat 
long timc. and 


“Je: 
with mc. 
Truthful! Was Miss Bryfogel laboi 


. T want you to be very wuthful 


under the delusion that I was leading 
her on. toying with her affections? I si 
"Yes 
1 was be g 1o sweat up my cordi 


roys a litle. 
“Did you read 


€ book or did you 


copy that from somewhere?” There is 
one golden rule for all book reporte 
Never admit you didn't read the. book. 
That is 1. 


2 
"Where did you get the book? Did you 


PNG a read it.” 


get it out of the library? Did Miss Easter 
give it to vou at the library? 


The animal in us never sleeps. The 
acid scent of trouble, faint but tangible. 
filtered in through the chalk dus 
smell of lunch ba 
ike a steel trap. 

"Well... ah.. 
it to me. Yeah, a kid 

Miss Bryfogel closed 

USC ne from id 

Uh-oh! Look ou 

“Ah... no! A kid 1 met on the 
playground at recess. A big Kid." 

"Docs he go to Harding 

“No... P never saw that kid before. 
No. E don't know where he's from. A big 
kid... by the candy stor 

Miss Bryfogel swiveled her chair and 

stared off at the Venetian blinds for 
what seemed like two years. Slowly she 
turned back to me, 
“A big kid by the candy store 
we you Boccac 
“Did he say anything to you? 
“Yeah, he said . . . "Heres a book! " 
ave you that hook?" 


€ it tome!” 


class? 


“Would you recognize him if you saw 
him again?” 
Well, it... 
docs lee» 
Miss Brylogel took some paper clips 
out of her top drawer and straightened 
them out for à while, and then said. 
even more quietly than bel 


And it was 


“Are you telling me the wath?" 

“Sure D am!” 

"WHERE DID YOU GET THAT 
BOOK 


"Home!" E yelped. 

“At home? Do your parents know thar 
you read this book at home? Does your 
mother k 

“Yeah!” 

“Are you sure 

‘Ah... yeah.” 

Miss Bryfoge! picked up her pen and 
took a sheet of paper out of her desk 


ow?” 


drawer, and looked at me in a way th: 
Myrna Loy never looked at Clark Gable. 
"Fm going to give you a note. You are 


going to take it home to your mother, 
wd im onc hour [ will call her 10 sce 
that it’s been delivered.” 

My socks began to itch, I had been 


135 


PLAYBOY 


136 


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through d 
«d visibly. 

re you telling me the truth?” 
NO!" 


SENS PARTUR. tye oil 
was one of the great turning points in 
my life, and even then 1 knew 
Lryfogel leaned back in her swivi 
She was soft and warm 
your mother doe 


"L know you 


~No.’ 
“And you really ke 
"My father's roon 
"Oh? Docs he know you took it?" 
SN 

"You know you did somcthing wrong. 


id it where?” 


"Did you like the book?" 
Somehow 1 knew that this was a 
loaded question. 


It was pretty funny, wasn't it?” 


1 was telling the truth. It seemed that 
for the first time in two years 1 was tell 
ing the truth. 1 badn't gouen a single 
bolt from the book. The only t 
had liked about it was castles 
knights. But there hadn't been a sin 
laugh in it 

“Are you sure you didn't find it funny 
anywhere?" 

"No! 

She knew I was telling the truth. 

“Well, that’s good. That's much. bet- 
1er. Now, will you promise me one thing 

that you will not sneak into your par 
ents’ room and get books anymore, il I 
promise not to send a note home?" 

“OK.” 

“MI right, you can go now 

A great crashing wave of relief rowed 
over me, and, bobbing in the surf. I 
paddled frantically toward the door. 
Just before 1 was through it and out 


that’s very good. I like to sec 


1 sipped my warm bourbon thought- 
fully as Miss Bryfogel’s voice faded olf 
nto the darkness of my memory forever. 
Arnold Palmer was coming into the 18th 
three under par, and Amold Palmer 
lining up a putt. Wading tluoug 
pers, J retrieved the Book Review sup- 
w. Yes there he was, my old 
friend, the languorous youth, redi 
provocatively. The num looked down 
upon him as she had for all these cen 
€ off in the fairy. 
round, a cuckold sang sweetly 
as he busily built his nest. 


DEATH OF GOD | continued from page 


himself to the world and to men, as in 
the fall of the prin 


ive sky gods into 
. In a more decisive sense for 
Christians, the coming and the death of 
Jesus (the Tucarnation, to use the techni 
cal term) stand for a kind of death of 
God. Here God. Christians have always 
said, takes on sin and suffering. Can it 
not also be said that God. takes on mor- 
tality, that the coming of Jesus is the be 
ginning of the death of God, and that 


because of this coming. men no longer 
need gods in the old religious sense? 


‘The New 
est to this in the sayin 
in love abides in God.” 

But the “when” questio 
swered not only in terms of Jesus, but 
terms of the 1th Century. If Jesu 
makes the death of God a possible expe- 
rience for men, the [th Century lives 
that reality and instructs us to do the 
same. A whole series of themes in the 
19th Century deal, directly or indirectly, 
with the collapse of God into the world, 
and thus with the death of God. Gocthe 
and the romantics spoke of the move- 
ment from t ice to nature, and 
even Protestants were di 
spokesmen 


Tes 


ament. perhaps comes clos- 
He who abides 


has to be an 


aury to fing themselves on 
the bosom of mature in order to re- 
capture a lost divinity. William Blake 


ously of the death of the 
God at the close. of the 
and in the French Revolu- 
tion itself we can perceive the close con- 

iom between regicide and deicide. 
Hegel y as 1807, speaks elliptically 
of God's death, and the leftwing. He 
ns like Strauss and Feuerbach make 
it much clearer—the attributes of God 
must be transmuted imo concrete hu 
m is 
for 
the human community the values pre- 
viously ascribed to Ge 

Ibsen and Strindberg knew the death 
of God, as did Victorian England. George 
Eliot found God and immortality impos 
sible, duty alone irresistible, while the 


singing 


ascendent 


man values. Karl Marx’ own Marx 
in one sense an attempt. to 1Ccovei 


ing Matthew Arnokl's. Dover Beach 
sang a song for a whole g ion. 


The Sea of Faith 

Was once, too, at the full, and 
round. carth's shore 

Lay like the folds of a bright girdle 
potd. 

But now I only hear 

Tis melancholy, long, 
roar, 

Retrealing, to the breath 

Of the nightwind, down the vast 
edges drear 

And naked. shingles of the world. 


withdrawing 


And on our side of the Atlantic, Haw. 
thorne rather quictly, and Melville with 


a) 
unforgettable force, laid the God of the 
Purian tradition to rest. Perhaps the 
most unforgetiable image of the dying 
;od im our language is that of Ahab 
finally fixing his harpoon in Moby 
Dick's side, as the two of them sink to- 
gether, both of them God, both of them 
evil. 

Cryptically, but not entirely falsely, in 


Europe and America between thc 
French Revolution and the start of 
World War One, the Christian God is 


ig and death of Jesus 
d's death possible; the 19th 
Century makes it real. And today, it is 
our turn to understand and to accept. 
Thus, EET 
thre 
su 
Europe and America of the I 
In a final sense, today, just now. 
what is there about our time that hà 
us to see and to grasp this event? 


T: 


Every man must answer for himself 


the question “What is the special quality 
of your experience of the death of God 


In one sense, I don't think one can or 
should uy to persuade anyone else of 
the reality of the death of God. When I 
talk or about it, I don't try to 
place a new thing into another's head, I 
ty to remind him of what he already 
knows. Hl there is no answer, no recogni- 
tion, I can be of no furthe " 
except as an example of the way he 
should not go. For me, the death of God 
s not a consequence of a simple exp 
ence like the discovery of, say. the scier 
tific method that automatically rules out 
God. It is an emotional event, in the 
guts. It is made up of a number of 
things, modest in themselves, but over 
whelming when It is fo 
me partly the disappearance of the ide 
of God as a meeter of needs and a solver 
of problems. For much of its histor 
classical Christianity felt that while men. 
byt ands, could solve many of 
the problems of life, there was always a 
dimension where man was powerless and 
which had to be ascribed to God. In this 
sense the longing for God wa to be 
common to all. Our hearts are restle: 

int Augustine said, until they come to 
a God. Today we must say some 


write 


usc to hi 


own h 


E 


"Congratulations." 


137 


PLAYBOY 


138 


hearts are 
may not need God, just as the 
need a single ultimate loyalty 
and problems are for the world to me 
and if it cannot meet them, nothing else 
can. This is one strand in the experience 
of the death of God for mi 

Another has to do with the problem 
of suffering. If for you there is nothing 
special about the 20th Century's experi- 
ence of suffering, then this line of argu- 
ment will not persuade. There has 
always been unmerited suffering im the 
world, and it has always been a problem 
for the heart and the head to hold to the 
reality of suffering and to the goodness 
and power of God at the same time. It 
has always been hard, E am saying, and 
now it is impossible; for the terrible bur- 
den of suffering our time has witnessed 
can be ascribed to God only by turning 
him into a monster. The problem of 
Job, of Ivan Karamazov, of Albert Ca- 
mus has fallen on our heads. It was 
Christians who did the work at Auschw: 
and their God became impossible after 


2, 


sorry 


they had finished. Emest Hemingway, 
whom we do not ordinarily think of as 
having been moved by these problems, 
has a touching scene on this poini in For 
Whom the Bell Tolls: Anselmo is speak- 
ing to Jordan about his hopes when the 
war is over. 


“But if 1 live later, I will try to live 
a such a way, doing no harm to 

any one, that it will be forgiven,” 
“By whom: 
“Who knows? Si 


€ we do not ha 


e 


God here any more, neither His 
Son nor the Holy Ghost, who for- 
gives? I do not know. 

“You have not God 


ny mori 


“No. M ly not. If there 
were God, never would He have 
L L have seen with 
s. Let them have God.” 
“They claim Him. 
"Clearly 1 miss Him, hay 
brought up 


ig been 
gion. But now 


man must be responsible to 
himself. 


, madam, but your 


husband isn’t accepting any calls.” 


“Then it is thyself who will forg 
thee for killing. 
“I believe so," Anselmo 


aid. 


Let me put this in another wa 
death of God means two closely re 


things: that some of the human experi- 
ences to which men have traditionally 
given the name of God must be red 


scribed and renamed, and also that some 
of those experiences are no longer ours. 
D mple, religious men have often 
pointed 10 experiences of. dependenc 
awe, reverence, wonder, mystery, tragedy 
as signs of the incalculable and myster 
ous character of life, saying of these c 
together, "Something 
is what we mean by God." 
. such things about 


this 
"There are, of cou 
us, and the only point I wish to make 


here is that one needn't give any of 
them the name of God. They are r 
facts of our life, we have human sciences 
and arts to clarify them, and they point 
to mystery and wonder, but not to God. 

But a second thing is just as true. 
There are experiences that men have 
had in the past and which they have tra- 
ditionally understood as pointing to 
God that are simply not available to us 
in the same way today. Take the experi- 
ences of dependence, especially in the 
presence of nature. Listen to a research 
doctor or a physicist or a 
ist talk about his work. He is 
talking about mastery, control and. pow- 
: not about a sense of smallness be 
fore the universe. This is uue of our 
kids as well. The other night 1 was out 
in the back yard with one of my children, 
who had to identify some constellations 
for his science homework. When I was 
young and used to sand under the 
starry sky. E recall being filled with all the 
things you were supposed to be filled 
with: awe, a sense of my own smallness, 
dependence. But my son is a full c 
of the modern world, and 
he had located the req 
i Which are the ones we put 
up there, Dad?” He was more interested 
n what he could do up there than in 
what he could feel down here. He had 
become a technological man, and this 
means something religiously. Are there 
other traditional religious experiences 


that we're losing touch with? The death 
of God lives in this kind of world. 
1r is quite foolish to say that the death 


of-God theology wants to reduce li 
the scientifically knowable or the 
diately relevant, It has no special 
est in relevance or in being acceptable to 
nonexistent chimera, “modern 
-" In no sense does it wish to tur 
its back on the mysterious, the sacred, 
the holy or the wanscendent. It simply 
will not call such things by the name of 
God. As a matter of fact, it might bc 
interesting 10 work out a way of 
talking about godless forms of the saacd 
—ideas and experiences of the saaed 


mer- 


need not include the experience of 
God. It is doubtless true that some roads 
to the sacred are ruled out for many of 
us in our rationalized and technological 
cule. ‘There probably cimnot be. for 
example, any way to the sacred via holy 
men. holy books or holy gestures in thc 
usual sense. But even if our way to God 
is cur off, need it be the case for our ex- 
perieuce of the saed? Can the experi- 
eme of sex become a way to the sacred 
for some? Not just sex as intercow 
bur as toral affirmation of one's sexuality 
in the midst of the human. community. 


What would it mean to say that sex can 
become a new kind of sacred space? 
What ld sored mean in such a 


Perhaps death can also become a sa- 
cred. event in our time of the death of 
God. Not, of course, our experience of 
our own death, but at least the experi- 
icc of its c mortality, and a 
facing up to death, our own and others, 
so as to befriend it and deprive it of its 
ability to hurt and surprise us. What 
ild "sacred" have if we tried 
to say that death may become a way t0 a 
godless form of the sacred today: 

Some examples might make this point 
it less bewildering. In the Gettysburg 
Address, Lincoln was offering what 
seems to me a moving example ol de 
as a human, godless form of the sacred. 
He said. you'll recall, that they had met 
10 dedicate a portion of the buttletield. 
Theu he went 


But 
dedicar- not consecrate 
cannot hallow—this 


we 


round. 


You 


ght have expected him to make 
the pious point here and to say that we 
mortals cannot. consecrare anything be 
cause that is God's prerogative alone. 
But he didit say tha 


The brave men, living and dead, who 
ruggled here, have consecrated it, 
r above our poor power to add or 


fa 
detract. 


n but all those 


Not just t 


right" sid. 


who fought, e the  consecrators. 
Suflering and dying men, he suggests, 
have the power to make holy or sacred. 


vas ord 

It would be casy to find a contempo- 
rary example of sex sacred. ev 
Such a view is comm - dn our 
modern sentimental panegyrics to sex, 
both Christian and secular. So 1 would 
turn to another source, to Purita 
d, as a matter of fact- This is 
1 Hawthorne's The Sear- 
nd Dimmesdale is speaking 
bout their adulterous lov 


ary and profane before. 


let Letter, 
to Hester 


we not. Hester, the worst 
n the world. There one 
tha the polluted 
priest! That old man’s revenge has 
been blacker than my sin. (He is re- 


ever 


faring (o. Chillingwortlrs diabolical 
amack on him.] He has violated, in 
cold blood. the sanctity of a human 
Thou and L Hester, neve 


did so! 
ever, never.” whispered she. 
What we did had a consecration of 
its own. We lelt it so! We said so to 
cach other! Hast thou forgotten it? 


Here is not only sex, but nonmarital sex, 
and in the heart of Puritanism, affirmed 
as a form of the sacred. Along such tines 
1 think, a conception of the sa- 
cred without God might be worked out. 
] want to raise one final question 
about the idea of the death of God. IF 
God is dead, as we say, what do we put 
in his place? What does the work in this 
godless Christian vision that God used 
10 do in the classical tradition? Have we, 
it might be asked. taken the full measu 
of the terrible cry of Ivan Karamazov, 


as these. 


It there is no God, then everything is 
lly 


permined? Are strong 
enough to lose not only the fear of hell 
and the consolations of (he next life; but 
also the reality of God? 

There are two answers, or two forms 
of the same answer, to the questio 
about the replacement of God. In. one 
sense the answer must be “the human 
community" and in another sense it 
must be “Jesus.” Let us distinguish be- 
tween two kinds of meaning or function 
classically ascribed 10 God. If by God 
you mean the means by which forgive- 
ness is mediated. or consolation in time 
of sorrow or despair, or judge of my ar- 
rogance and mi y 
that these functions, as central for us as 
they ever were in classical. Christi 
must be taken over by the human com- 
munity. We must lewn to forgive each 
other with the li unconditioned 
grace men used to ascribe to God. (Re- 
call the touching words between Ansel- 


people re 


idolatry—the 


we 


mo and Jordan quoted above.) We must 
Team 


to comfort cach other, and we 
to judge, check and rebuke 


n which we 
not now 


If these things 
by the huma ics in 
the world, then these communities must 
they can perform these 
nd whatever others, once ascribed 
xl. that need to be done in this new 
t: sense the di 
leads to politics. to social ch 
even to the foolishness of utopi 

But it would be mish 
over to what we are calling the hum: 
community every task once given to 
God. There is another kind of hg 
ed to the classical idea of Cod that 
nother kind of surrogate. I by 
od you mean the focus of obedience, 
the object of trust and loyalty, the mi 
ing I give to love, my center, n 
ing—then these mean 
to men in general but to Jest 


n comm 


be altered unti 
asks. 


ading t9 pass 


me: 


gs are given not 


the man, 


in his life, his way with others and his 
death, We  death-ol-God theologians 
thus stake out a claim to be able to m 
it as Christians not merely because w 
speak of the death of the Christian God. 
but because we see as the center of the 
Christian faith a relation of obedience 
and trust directed to Jesus. Somethi 
ike this is placed on the lips of Unde 
ikolai by Boris Pasternak in Doctor 
hivago 


SAS Dow musi be 
true 1o Chris explain. What 
you don't understand. is that it is 
possible to be an atheist, it is pos 
sible know whether God 
exists, or why, and yet believe that 
man docs not live in a state of na- 
ture but in history, and that history 
we know it now n with 
Christ, and that Christ's Gospel is 
its foundation. Now what is history? 
It is the centuries of systematic ex 
plorations of the riddle of death 
with a view to overcoming death. 
That's why people discover. mathe 
matical infinity and electromagnetic 
waves, thas why they write syn 
phonies. Now, you can't advance in 


uot 10 


beg; 


this. direction toa certain 
faith. You can't make such discov- 
cries without spiritual equipmen 

And the basic elements of this 


equipment are in the G 
are they? To begin love ol 
one’s neighbor, which is the su 
preme form of vital energy. Once it 
fills the heart of man it has to 
overllow and spend itself. And then 
the two basic ideals of modern man 
it them he is unthinkable— 
the idea of free personality and the 
idea of life as sacrifice.” 


spels. What 


The human community in gener 
not as it is. but as it might be altered to 
become—and that particular instance of 
the human community, Jesus of Nazi- 
rerh, thus take over the work, the actio 
the deeds, once ascribed to the Christian 
God. Thus the death of God is the least 
abstract event one can imagin 
ht imo politics, revolutio 
and the tragedies and delights 
world. 

At the start of this article, the ques 
was posed whether the death of 
night be a non-event, fashioned by 
g more substantial than the cag 
and empty publicity mills of our da 
We radical theologians have found, 1 
think, that it is something mote. It is a 
real event; it isa joyous event; it is a lib 
erating event, remos 

might stand between. ma 
of suffering, man and the love of 
neighbor. It is a real event making 


ry 


possible Christian form of faith for 
many today. It is even making possible 
church and mi n our world. 


139 


PLAYBOY 


140 


MY FATHER 


father was a Hasid, a believer in mira- 


cles, and not a rabbi; and the only 
Mayllower ^ came on was the May 
Hower Moving & Storage, which carried 
him once from Indianapolis to Cleveland. 


My grandfather believed in mirades, and 
no miracles happened 10 him: my father 
believed. only in. decision and will, and. 
made his own miracles. My father's sister 
hers occupied mow of 
his will and his powers of decision in the 
years until à. grand duke’s assassination 
Sarajevo finally forced him to put away 
thoughts of his home village. 
One by one, th 


nks 10 the 


money 


Father earned. in New York, Gervyii 
r t0 the builders of skyscrapers. 


sewi 


T 


"er cuning and g goods, d 
rolling cigars, his brothers and his sister 
were brought to America. A lew dollars 
-one brother. A few more dollars—an- 
her brother. A lew more dollirs—the 
st brother. A few more dollars—a sister. 
Now they were all here, and soon the 
t be 


parents persuaded to lene 
their hut. their cart, their horse, their 
cow, their rabbi in Kamenets Podolski 
Jor Hester Street in New York, where 


thugs in caps and. policemen in blue and 
the stunned, dazzled, newly arrived im- 
ants strolled, Somehow there was a 
deal of noie, though no one 
seemed to be shouting. 

Each member of the Emily took my 
father’s lead and accepted the name 
Gold upon anial, It was simple and 
pronoun nt somethin 


Mainly it meant that they were Ameri 
can. They aranieed their intention 
with a mime that cut to the heart of 
America. 

The only daughter was here, the old- 


est son was here, the your 
here, the miscellaneous sons were here. 
There was no reason for the grandpar 
ents to put off the future with religious 
exams, In 1912 my futher had a sold 
tooth installed in his head by a dentist 
on Delancey Street who specialized. in 
internal decoration; it replaced a per 
fealy adequate pale tooth. He then 
spent the rest of his money on a trip 
hack 10 the Old Counny. He wore fresh 
clothes, green shoes, and flashed a quick 
but modest smile to show the gold tooth. 
e whistled down the road. He whistled 
whenever he felt 1 Remembering 
that he had a ade his 
parents to come to America and take it 


SL son was 


new name, he felt like stopping his 
whistling, 
My father’s father pointed out that 


the Ukraine was closer to Jerusalem than 
New York, and that when the Messiah 
comes, it will be just too far to roll from 
New York. 


My father conceded this well-taken 
point, but remarked that it was a lor 


roll from the Ukraine to Jerusalem. too 
1 if you had to take a long roll, why 


(continued [rom page 100) 


not take it from the Lower East Side, in 
the good company of the family? 

His Lather thought this one ove 
lips pursed, but. not whistlin 
tioned that he might discuss 
rabbi. 

The rabbi. my father s 
you what you want to hea 
will cat all the cookies. 


With 
. He me 
with the 


d, will tell 
anyway, and 


“Hanh? id his father, 
My father said never mind, that the 
children were well, and they all wanted 


to sce the Family united in His 
mother said very little, but 
my father was skinny despite his gold. 
tooth. If he had a gold tooth, he should 
also be fat. Also he shaved his chin, cut 
his hair and, i med in 
danger. 

Tlow is Bei 

"Lonely. He 
mother. He w 
coming. Doing line. 

Well, who put such ideas in his head? 
A baby like that.” 
"bp did my 
now?” 

Still and still, it was wue thar all the 
children had gone to New York. At last 
the old people promised to give up both 
xdliness and easy. rolling to Jerusalem 
in order not 10 lose their Children, Maybe 
the Messiah would send skates; too. 

My father. returned ja New York to 
carn the money to send for his parents 
They promised. It took a little while, be- 
cause he was already working to keep his 
sister and brothers alive, and sometimes 
one or the other could not find a job, 
and there were depressions or strikes or 
volfs or illness or one or another m: 
ner of disister. Sometimes Ben was 1 
nd wouldn't sell his p 
they went without eating. Ben was the 
youngest: he sometimes said—foolishness 
—that he wished he were home. My fa 


general, se 


my baby?" she asked. 
nisses Vu He eds his 
nis to know when vou're 


admitted. “So 


ther 


one 


y 
pers. Sometimes 


ther told him: America is now you 
home. But Ben had not been realy to 
lcave his. parents. 

On c ible da day that grew 
worse in memory as healing time passed, 


Ben 
go bac 
"What's the matter, vou crazy? There 
is no back.” 
"os 
come. You m: 
ness here. 


said to my father, “E want to 


mistake. 1 shouldn't have 
le me come. I g 


Ben stood. up. 
defiantly. 
My father w; 


mied to hit him. Then he 
"am 


Sh as g 


was as foo! 
the rabbi. He also had stood up. but he 
sank down in the chair of the room they 
shared near the truck terminal in Cin- 
ton, Ohio. He said, "Ben, you try for 
little while. You're just a kid. Why don’t 
you wy?” 


“ol said Be 
the Army. 

“You're 100 young. You're 
me. | 


aybe TIL go imo 


citizen. 
“They won't 


ke you.” And the 


father yelled at him: 
“OK” sid Ben, and picked up his 
cap and his book and went out to night 


school. He studied English every night, 


as did my father, This evening my father 
didn't go 10 clas. He sayed home, 
drinking tea and brooding. The Army! 
Foolishness! I asked him what 
language he ht these thoughts in. 
nglish, Yid or Russian, and hc 


looked at me in himen. J (hough, 
he said.) He decided. in whatever lan- 
age, that he would hurry his parents: 
Ben needed them in America. And he 
would keep an eye on Ben. For some it 
was a gcat relief, a freedom, to leave 
home amd. parents and old wasting ways 
> make a lite 1 choo 
everything. even his name. But for some, 
it was a burden. My father, not 
iding this v ised dn He 
ink gea, me half a loaf of bread with 
and waited under the bare bulb 
lor Ben to get home from school. "You 
want to alk some more?" he asked 

Ben said, "You already told me.” and 
went to bed. 

My father sat up, figur 
ems must be brought soon. Thoe was 
the money and there was his father's 
stubbornness. But it must be soon. 

If my father’s will had been in control 
of history, the will of the family would 
have been done. Instead, the War of 
1 began. Before the parents could 
make the journey, they were killed i 
some obscure fashion. There was an un 
recorded pogrom, followed by a fire. 
The maps had never recorded this. vil- 
lage, I now what had never been 
recorded dropped out ol fact. Dust and 
ruins. A new time dug iis heels into the 
£ the old time. Gone were the an 
nd 
cemetery nearby, gone even was the 
wonder-working, cookie-loving rabbi i 
the next town. The mother would never 
sce her baby Ben, who was not doing 
fine without her. The old me of iic 
family was lost in the smoky fires of po- 
grom and war. For good and all, the 
survivors were committed to Amer 


in which a 


ig- The par- 


c 
cestors, gone were the hut and cow 


bones 


her bec father 
long before he conceived his own chil- 
dren—father to his brothers and sister 
no prohibition against whis 


In America, my I 


ove Irom New York to Chicago, | 
Chicago to Indianapolis, Irom Indian- 
polis to. Detroit, to. Canton, to Cleve 
lind. The gold in the streets of America 
ned out 10 be Sam Gold, born some- 
y che. He wailed his gre 1 sib- 

from town to town the 


al; 
across 


ling 


“Uh .. remember that black-out we had here in New York a few 
months ago... ?” 


ML 


PLAYBOY 


142 


American plain. All but one took this as 
the normal way to live. One. Ben—but 
was that really his n rema 
child, no good at work, sulky, locked in 
nd closed down, uni 
been the young, 
and his mother's favorite. She knew. he 
would be her lust baby. 

My father married. His brothers and 


sister boarded with hi out 
[ habit, but then found their own 
rooms; all but one brother found wives. 
the sister found a husband. Ben, the 

gest, stayed on with my parents for 


several years as a boarder. “Until he gets 
used to things." my father said. 

So well have to get a place with an 
her said. “He can't 


extra roc 
sleep in the ki 


Then ] was conceived; 1 was born. 
milies take shape, forming and re- 
forming like amoebae, and now Ben had 


to find his own family. It was time to 
learn adult. ways. 

Ben moved out, He went from job to 
job. He fell in love. The girl disliked 10 
be taken out in the truck, which smelled 
of lettuce and. tomatoes, ripe fruit and 
wet soaps of paper bags. “Is that how 


S. 


much you car" she asked him. "You 
don't even clean out the cab? 
"b come straight Irom work." he ex- 


I took a good hot bath first, 


a fellow tries to 
i pod—himscil und his machine 
Some people. for example, they don't 
smell like a pharmacy although they 
hifully could." 
Ben borrowed my 
He polished it up and bought springy 
black clips for his pants. The girl rode 
once on the jump seat, holding him by 
the belt, and he told my lather, “It's 
good. She just has to get used t0." 
But he was wrong. The gil was not 
merested. "Too green for her 
mother siid. The girl was a cute | 
dumpling from Canton who had ne 
finished high school. She chose Ben's ri- 
macist —well, n who 
—well. it sold mostly 
ines, which al- 
n aptcka. Ben couldn't 
almost drugstore. lt 
Bur about this los: he 


We ll, in Ame 


thers motorcycle. 


nswer back to a 
faul 


Ben was forgiven his many failures be- 
cause he was the baby, Alter my mother 
lad put him up for several years, he 
lived away and cune for meals; then he 
lived took his 
for mea 
my mothe 


weekd 


y day three squares, not just 
when you're company. 

“I ain't got a good appetite, 
T's natural with mi 

The eldest brother had quarreled with 
his father and made his way to America 
with the wi on on his 


Ben s 


father, too. Carry adea, both 
the quarreling the peacemaking 
had forced him to become a man. My 


uncle who had dung upside down to the 


slats of the cart, the nervous headshaker, 
Morris. was always one machine ahead 
of my father. A motorcycle when my fa- 


ther had a bicyde, a truck when my 
ther used a motorcycle, a Chevy when 
my father had a White pickup. a Pon- 
. a Buick, a pink Imperial to carry 
shaking head on its Sunday tours ol 
the grandchildren. And my father saying 
isis mily, "Well, he likes niee anspor. 
». Personally, } go compact." 

girl m the family married a sales- 
ly. She learned to keep his a 
counts for him: she took an interest in 
selling. She read a book entitled The 
Romance of Salesmanship, and thus was 
ble to conclude, "You know what? Sell- 
ing can. be romantic.” She knew that the 
secret of her husband was not to be dis- 
covered between the pages of this book, 
but it wasn't her fault. Perhaps he had 
los it on the roads that led Irom one 
ardware store to the next, But she 
made her deal and stuck with it. 

As these normal. processes. continued, 
Ben just followed along. America was 
not his doing; it was done to him. He 
had not finished with his childhood. He 
trailed [rom one brother to the other, to 
his sister, back to his eldest brother: he 
found a job. or a job was found him or 
given him or made him: he obeyed. He 
1 not enough of a past in the Ukraine 
10 make a future in Cleveland. 
the word “boredom” we 
curved to any of these people, Ben 
trouble getting himself through the day. 
He signified nothing to himself. He 
wanted neither automobile nor work 
nor wife, or he wanted them not 
enough, or he was removed from relish 
and hope. ambition and ihe con 
of his powers. He was still a child, but a 
grownup child is not a real child; i 
stead, he was childish. He played with 
me as a child plays with a child, and it 
made me uncomfortable. He was not 
supposed to be a child. He kiughed too 
much: he yelled wo much when he 
roughhoused with me: he panted and 
grew red in the face. He kept glancing 
at my father for his approval. 

“Don't get the kid too excited,” my 
mother said. 

“What’s the ma 
my father said. 


c 


iter, he's just playing," 


They were talking about Ben as if he 
were a child in their presence, as if he 
were a thing, abem by his matur 
Though my father defended him, he 


stopped. roughhousing with me. 


Busy with other things, absenily 


parents worried. about. Ben, Well, 
time he would learn—grow up 
a good appetite. 


Noisy, brawling, weeping or alcoholic 
fathers must, to some extent, 


their children against the fearsome sepa- 
rations wrought by excitement. My fa 
ther usually had things under control, 


He kept the lid on. F have s 
drunk once, On a Christmas Eve it wa 
he stamped into the house after the fruit 
store closed, wearing his sheepskin coat, 
snowy and wet and laughing 
that frightened me, My mother kept 
tying to shush him (babies sleeping) 
and crowd him into bed. He recled 
through the hall, and when his wild eve 
fell upon me, it made no connection. He 
was roaring, but what about? Nothi 
Perhaps his Hasidic father sometimes 
thus celebrated the God-given right to 
roar like a beast. Perhaps he roared fc 
the unforgettable and the forgotten 

T hid behind a door and put my nose 
in the crack. 1 watched my father, If he 
pushed the door—less nose. 

In silence I watched him, and in a ter- 
ror of loneliness. To be present. when a 
Father laughs. and vet t0 be so alonc! 
My wet nose was in jeopardy. This was 
no Hasidic mystery, There was no ritual 
to grasp at: it was his festival, his alone 
pononal, excluding. He was thick and 
powerful in tufted, yellowish sheepskin, 
and a silvery crating hammer, with flac 
double prongs, stuck out of his pants 


pocket. There was also a bulge of hol 
day money—a good dav's business. He 
had come from the party he gave in the 
back room for the young Talis who 


worked 
bulyi 


his store. Probably Myrna, the 
low clerk, the st thumb 
on any scale in town, the tightest corset, 
had led him to wildness. She always 
wanted him to let go, push and shove. be 


heavy 


gw 


a truck driver with her. My mother 
could settle that score kuer. ht was 
Chrisin Eve; this was America: all 
down the streets of Lakewood, Ohio, 


children and pi 


ts 


s put their Hives to- 
gether in momentary communion. Only 
in our house did the uhr cel 
without making his meaning des 

Why did this come to be my model ol 
isolation, separation? 


1 understood. nothing. Tt had no con 
nection, It hout reason. Eve 
cruelty might have been ea Slavic 


futher who came home drunk to beat his 
wile and children, or brought Myr 
with him, or stayed away all night. 
My father was happily exalted. shak 
ing his sheepskin coat, but absent from 
us in his soul, lips wet and eves gleam- 
s. Ben w oticed at the 
kitchen table. He had finished a plate of 
mb chops. The little gnawed bones lay 
white on the table, He sat hiding in 
plain view as my father crashed through 
the house. He came to find me behind 


ig un 


the door and, without a word, patted my 
shoulder. Then he stood behind my 
mother as she said, "Sam. Go to bed 


you'll sleep.” Ben was a part of this 
Scene, as he was a part of the next on 
1 stood stiffly, refusing 10 leave. I think 
it was 1931, when I was six. 


I saw my father absent in another way 
a few months later. It was spring, and 
there was a continual drip of On 
my way to school I watched the misera: 


ble hobos huddled on the slow Nickel 

Plate freighis that ground through town 

on their way west to Toledo or Detroit, 
or to some 

in 


name: 
the wastes of 
epskin was in 


or east to. Pittsburgh, 
less other. destination 
the Depression. “The 


moth balls, The will l ter had been 
put away. Bur there was a connection in 
loneliness. 


My father's youngest. brother wis first 
. and there wi nce in the house, 
d then he was in the hospital and 
"What's that?” E asked my mothe 
He's dying.” 1 must have looked puz- 
Hed, because she added: "He wants to 
live” 

Ben, very quiet, was brought back to 
our house, He had my parents’ bedroom. 
1 came i 
rubbers without 


sik 


dy 


from school and took off my 

help. 1 heard him 
my mother—sometimes 
when / wanted her—spent a long time 
talking with him. She would let me look 
at him briefly from the doorway, but 
then she shut the door, Now he never 
spoke to me, although he used to scream 
with laughter. He lay in bed for what I 
swem to recall as months—hush, smells, 
worry. Perhaps it was only a day or two. 
Then a silent limousine came for him. 
He returned to the hospi 


“No hope,” my mother told a n 
She also cold her: “He drank lye. 
1 overheard this, and promised never 
to tell a lie if it could make you 
She looked at me in silence and 
only repeated, “He changed his mind. 
He wa to live.” 

My father left. his motorcycle in the 
age. He drove the truck to the store. I 
think Ben had been driving the wuck 
before this happened. 

“Now he wants 10 live.” my mother 
said. "After he burned himself all out 
inside. It's late.” 

I recall my father receiving the last 
news by telephone. He asked thick ques 
tions; not a word of it I remember. 
He hung th phone back on its cradle 
nd fell into a chair at his accustomed 
place at the kitchen table; he put his 
head in his arms and wept with choking 
sobs. E first tried to stand near him to be 
noticed, but then grew frightened and 
pulled My mother, doing some- 
thing with vegetables at the sink, was 
also weeping, but remained herself, with 
a hand on my head. She was running wa- 
ter over beet greens, washing out the 
sand. There were tomatoes, turnips, 
green onions, lettuce, stalks of Pascal cel- 
cry in the sink, sending up fresh smells 
of wetness and carth, 1 was probably 
it Daddy 


pushing into her skirts. "I 
to stop that. 
"His brothers dead. He's 
“I want my Daddy to stop thai 


I prowled about h 
ing cou , as if the sight of my 
ther, red, 
which could somehow hurt me 
dared it t0. Also I felt some pr 
reverberation of his sorrow, This sense 
of his sorrow that night has increased 
very much with the years. Now that I 
have lived until the age he reached 
when his brother died. I begin to under- 
stand. his he . the yawning empti- 
nes of regret in his body. 


“ws a total loss" my mother said. 

im? 

When my father did not stop his 
crying. my mother said, "Sam. The 


children.” 

He got up. went out, and I heard the 
screech of his motoreyde in the spitting 
cinders of the driveway. Mother ran to 
the front of the house to stop him, but 
he was already cireening down the 
sureet. 

When he came back. 
the teas were gone. He 
er: “I'm selling that machine. 
dangerous.” 

My brother and I were in our paja- 
mis, ready for bed. He was gazing at us 
with eyes which it is a part of everyone's 
voyage on carth to recognize, even in 
golden America. We cannot turn aw; 
we find these eyes everywhere, and even- 
tually in the mirror 


a Tew hours later, 
i to my moth 
It’s too 


mme livelier lather 


SES glides on 
es! 

smooth shaves deodorant 

100 protection 


you can trust! 


brisk as an 


cool, exciting— 


ocean breeze! 
125) 


ws 
m, 


Ota Spiet, 


AFTER SHAVE I 


Ol Spice — with that clean, crisp, masculine aroma! 


M3 


PLAYBOY 


144 


PLAYBOY FORUM 


"I've done a job in at least one building 
in just about every block along here.” 
The same issue of Life prints a photo of 
a labyrinth of wires that looks puissant 
enough to be the power source lor a 
Gemini launching, bur turns out 10 be 
all the telephone taps feeding into FBI 
headquarters in Las Vegas, “the most 
bugged city in the U. $.” Bugged martini 
olives, bugged tie clips, bugged stetho- 
scopes (lor listening through walls) and 
bug: tches are just a few of 
the new "gifts of science" that will soon 
render privacy as extinct as the whoop- 
ing crane. Senator V. Long 
ummed it all up nicely, i 
agents are embarking on a nationwide 
campaign of wire tapping, snooping and 
rassment of American citizens. 
Harrison Randolph 
Bombay, India 
In the words of the German play- 
wright Bertold Brecht, “If the Govern- 
ment doesmt trust the people, why don't 
they dissolve us and elect a new people?” 


ed wrist w: 


‘ederal 


THE HETEROSEXUAL MENACE 


Fificen years after the late Senator Mc- 


(continued from page 11) 


Carthy tried to purge Washington of ho- 
mosexuals, J. Edgar Hoover seems to be 

vstigating a follow-up campaign against 
heterosexuals. Whether this is revenge or 
just poetic justice I don't know, but 
New York Post columnist James Wech- 
sler reports the facts as follows: 


The controversy began. when 25- 
yearold "Thomas Carter, an FRI 


clerk, was summarily dismissed for 
unbecoming conduct. He had ad- 
tedly ollered. the overnight hos 


of bachelor quarters, 
shared with three other FBI cm- 
plovees, to “a girlfriend of long 


standing” who had journeyed from 
Texas for a visit io Washington . . . 
a resolute young man 
» the fingerprint. division, 
decided to sue Mr 
lation of his rights of. privacy 

No issue of national security is 
raised by the FBI, Carter's dismissal 
has been defended by the Burcau 
on the ground that have 
hundreds of young men and wome 
coming to work for the FBI and we 
must be sure their be 


Hoover for vio- 


[m 


parenis c 


confident that they and their col- 
leagues are living under exemplary 
standards. 
Whether four bachelors dwelling 
in total isolation from overnight 
companionship with women could 
be described as “living under exem- 
plary standards” may become 
maner for mated 
discussion 
Under the 
roommates were 
to inform their iors of the 
young lady's visit. They failed to do 
so; it is surmised that the informant 
was a female FBI employee livin 
in the sume building, who was pr 
sumably overwhelmed by a se 
duty (or envy) 


court 


m 


‘BE code, Carte 
endy obliged 


Carter's three roommates were 
summoned to testify before the 
FBI's examiners. They had galla 


allowed the young couple to ren 
alone 


in one of the two bedroon 
hout the night; they were 
ned closely as 10 the nature 
y sounds emerging from the 
room of sin. | have no record of 
their answers. The presumption 
must be that they either. heard 
enough to hang Carter or were 
reproached for lack of vigilance, 
otherwise known as non-voycurism. 
Whether he would have been 
cleared if they reported deadly si 
lence is obscuie . - 


What 
Js Hoover iment on filling our secret po 
lice with cunuchs and faggots? Is this the 
opening gun of a general crackdown on 
heterosexuality? But, worst of all, what 
will happen to the dreams of young boys 
everywhere who have previously reward 
ed the Gman as a symbol of virility? 
Four bachelors in ene apartment, and 
no women allowed—it is enough to 
shake ones faith in the cojones ol the 
entire Government. 

Ronald Weston 
New York, New York 


re we to make of this carnival? 


MENACE TO HOMOSEXUALS 

Enclosed is a clipping from th 
lumbus Evening Dispatch dai 
cd me 


Co- 
TE 


fur 


Police have been given a new 
weapon in combating sex deviates 
as a result of a court decision carlier 
this week 

Previously handicapped by diffi 
culi and tricky evidence 
police are now expected. ¢ 


more arrests in their c ng 
crackdown on homosexual activity 
in public buildings. 

Basically, the court decision held 


that police could charge a suspected 
homosexual under public nuisance 
laws even if an aqual illicit solici: 
ion were not made. 

The actual case involved a 22 


yearold youth arr 
State University police in a second- 
floor Ohio Union restroom after a 
plainclothes investigator suspected 
him of homosexual activity 
Although the youth did not ac 
tually approach the officer, 
testified they observed him 
several widely known homosexual 
mals. 
Tn finding the youth guilty, Judge 
Wilbur Shull ruled the conduct of 
the youth constituted a nuisance 
even il his activities were not listed 
under the 
"Up until this c 
making arrests only if the devia 
ake an overt approach," Capt. 
Herman Beck, head of the city vice 
told ghe Dispatch. 
gives us a new weapon 


k for 


aw. 


Durer, 


Iw the universit id T'I 


ily 


aw, be: 


use T'I be afraid to go into the 
restrooms, How n an ordinary herero- 
sexual know what the "signals? are and 
be sure he won't innocently use one of 
them? Please withhold my name, as this 
could get me fired. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Columbus, Ohio 
We made our own investigation of this 
case, and discovered. that the “signals” 
consisted of the misereant's tapping his 
foot on the floor, while sitting on the 
john. When the arresting officer—seated 
in the next cubicle—tapped his own foot 
in reply, the student stuck his foot under 
the partition and the arrest was made. 
So, unless you are in the habit of listen- 
ing to hot jazz on a transistor radio with 
earphones, you can probably enter the 
restrooms al your university without fear 
of inadvertently leading a cop to think 
you're cruising him. 


SEX IN WISCONSIN 
Once again reason has y 
head in politics and, à 
Caveman has quickly stomped the li 
bejesus out of it, I refer 10 the c 
here in Milwaukee when the 
Young Democrats added a liber 
plank to their platform. As reported in 
the local press, the resolution called for 
end to all legal restrictions on sexual 
relations in private between consenting 
lults. The plank evolved from two sep 
te proposals—one secking an end to 
st homosexuality and the oth. 
ng for repeal of kus against un. 
relations between members ol 
opposite se: 
The Republicans. naturally. jumped 
chance to defend Mother against 
i saul, bur, worse yet, a 
Democratic state senator, one Taylor 
Benson of Franksville, also added. his 
buffoonery. actually asking that the 
Young Democrats be disbanded 
"Members of the Young Democrats 
who believe in the principles of decency, 


sed its timid 
usual, Ug the 
ng 
nival 
local 
1 sex 


moral integrity and 
ly should quit the pre 
and start fresh,” Benso 
espe 


1 told the press, 
rean command of 
flamelike i id dean lange 
The resolution, he went on. “has done 
irreparable damage to the senior party 
dosing with another astonishingly origi 
nal flourish, he characterized the resolu- 
example of filth. 
Your crusade for reason is commend. 
ble, Mr. Hefner, but how can rea 
ever penetrate the cranium of a 
vocabulary Tike that—a vocabulary 
expressly created to avoid thought a 
short-circuit reason? Henry Adams, 
all, was right when he s 
with politicians, Polit 
Hit them on the nose with a stick 
Peter Stewart 
Milwaukee, Wiscor 


with 


KUDOS FROM A.C.L.U. 

The American Civil Liberties Union 
of Bucks County very much appreciates 
the information contained in The Play- 
boy Philosophy. Te has been, and we 
hope it will continue to be, a helpful 
source in our continuing work for fe 
dom of speech. 

Nick Landacre, President 
American Civil Liberties Union 
Lower Bucks County Chapter 
Levittown, 


ennsylvi 


SMOTHERING GOODNESS 

You might be interesied to learn t 
the Citizens for Decent Litera 
spread their protective arms all the way 
down to central Florida. In an article 


ure have 


supporting the CDL in a recent issue 
of the Orlando Sentinel-Star, columnist 
Ormund Powers wrote: 


Thinking that a simple and reaso 
ble test for obscenity might help. | 
have devised this one which 1 gua 
antee will prove the point if you are 
a normal person: If you can't read 
it aloud to your own school-age chil 
dren, it is obscene. 


So the usual war cry has been raised: 

Protect the children.” Thanks, but no 
th PI protect my own children 
with no help from Mr. Powers or the 
CDL. I'm afraid they might next decide 
to protect me. 

Mr. Powers’ proposed test for obsceni- 
ty furnishes a delightful insight into the 
workings of the CDL's mind. How in the 
world can he hope to define “a normal 
person"? Whatever he comes up with as 
a definition, must 1 be forced to fit his 
mold? There are a number of books oi 
my shelves which I won't read to my 
seven-year-old son, He isn't equipped to 
understand cither The Carpetbag; 
textbook detailing the reprodu 
process of humans. T believe that one of 
my responsibilities as a parent is to con 
trol what ad this I do. 1 


nks- 


y son reads, 


resent anyone attempting to usurp my 
parental job and, at the same time, 
smother me in their all-encompassing 


bi 


nket of “goodness. 
Kenneth R. Smith 
Satellite Beach, Florida 


REQUIEM FOR A HEAVYWEIGHT 


J am somewhat mystified about the 445 


PLAYBOY 


M6 


discovery that "God is dead.” T would 
like to know what god died—are they 
talking about Uranus or Zeus or Jup 


ta? Or is it Moloch or Shangii or 
Yahweh? How about the schizoid Chris- 
tian God with three net personali 
tics that Billy Graham says is still alix 
the one he talks to? That God recently 
told Billy to bless rhe bloodleting m 
Viennam, which means that He favors 
the bombs and napalm being used by 
our uughter ihe natives. H that. 
God isn’t dead, he should bi 


Elmer Hocikammer 
Manitowoc, Wiscon 
The Reverend William Hamilton, 


professor of theology at. Colgate-Roches- 
ter Divinity School and one of the lead- 
ew of the “Godisdead” movement, 
examines some of these questions else- 
where in this issuc, 
METHODIST HOGWASH 
In an essay entitled ^ 
iiy: A iique” in the March 
1966 issue of Together Magazine (an 
official Methodist Church publication), 
Harvey Seilert writes: 
“Those people who 
sexo partners while avoidit 
responsibilities, or those who 
comfortable in a tastily furni 
house while other men st 


“The New Moral- 


v able to enjoy 
reciprocal 
cm. feel 
hed pent- 
India or 


vein 


neighboring slums—such persons would 
not understand — Albert — Schweivzer’s 
renunciation ol home Y oan Aricin 


al the w 
to crucifixion.” 
Hogwash! 

MI of us wh 
than squalor. and presumably. this 
cludes most Together subscribers, 
not share. Dr. Schweiver’s renunciation 
of home for an Mrican hospital. But nor 
just a few of us understand the way of 
Jesus which led to the orucifixion. To 
put ijt mildly, Mr. Seifert’s 
conclusions. make his anack on 
Hefner's Playboy Philosophy both Ga 
wd unacceptable. 
Freclon M. (Nat) Fowler 
Director, Public Rekuions 
The Methodist Church 
New York, New York 


hosp 


ay of Jesus which led 


live in som 


PROSTITUTION AND THE LAW 
The selling of one’s body lor mone 
n is rather innocuous when com 
y compromising of 
neiples and integrity that most of us 
indulge in (and for no gain or pleasure 
whatsoever). So why all the uproar about 
physical prostivution? ‘The soul is sup- 
posedly more precious than the body: 
yet the soul is peddled at cutrate prices 
everywhere. 
Enforcement, entrapment and similar 
techniques lor coercing people into d 
ty or marital fidelity are laughably fu 
tile—as history demonstrates, The law 
has no moral prerogative to regulate pri- 
ate affairs betwe 


But let us not fool ourselves here, ci- 
ther. Laws agaiust prosti not 
enforced with any high regard for moral- 
ity. but simply because of the pay olls, 
gralis and blackmail they create 

1 can only conclude, sadly. i 


ion are 


t the 


oldest profession has often. been more 
d candid than my own. 
umes R. Sikes 


forthright 


The Reverend | 
First Parish Uri 
Stoughton, A 


T don't think thar "standards? (double 
or single) are responsible for prostitu- 


tion or the lack of i 
Prostitution, in our day a Teast. re 
sults from insufficient and haphazard sex 


insir The whore is attractive to 
the male because she reputedly knows 
morc of the refined pleasures of sex: bui 
once refined sexual knowledge becomes 


becomes in 
a. The Hindu serip- 
tures taught. (1500 years ago, alas. before 
the ríe of Gandhian puritanism) thai 
the noble housewife should be “erheshu 
lakshmi shayaneshu  veshya*—"in her 
home, the goddess of splendorous 
wealth; in her bed. a whore’—admon 
ishing the nobility 10 sec to it that their 
wives learned. and enjoyed the art of 
love, so that the prostitute became super 
Muous. “This, of course. is incompatible 
with Judaco-Christia cthies. as Heln 
realizes, and so the prostitute. will be 
with us for a long time (o come. 
Agchananda Bharati 
Department of Anthropology 
Syracuse University 
Syracuse, New York 


onplace. me whore 


creasingly redund 


1 was a callgirl for three years and do 
not regard. the profession as immoral or 
ocial. There was nothing unusual to 
"justily" my c 1 am not a freak, an 


alcoholic or a drug addict, nor was I 
forced into the ss by pimps 
poverty. I have above-average imel 


gence (125 1. Q.) and have become a noi 
thful wife to the man who is 
wd dearest to me (formerly a 
customer. by the way). I believe avidly 
Humanism, The Playboy Philosophy 
d ihe Bill of Rights. 1 also believe in 
the "oldest. profession in the world 
recommend that every girl tr 
once, although admittedly the business 
not all peaches and crean s T 
was frightened by the i w, such 
sexual aberrations—which ar 
very visibly the result of antis 
ing in childhood. And I was arrest 
aes, which is never a pleasant. 
experience. E know personally about th 
unfair and devious methods used by the 
police 
After my 


me 


t arrest, I discussed with 


my lawyer the possibility of taking my 
case all the way to tlie Supreme Court to 
try to legalize prostitution, on the 


grounds that all laws against it are inv 
us of individual liberty. He discou: 


aged me, saying that E didn't stand a 
chance of winning such a case. I still 
think occasionally of becoming a test case 
now that the "profession" is part of my 
ast. but. in view of the Court's recently 
demonstrated. puritanism iu the. Ginz 
burg case, that probably is no small risk 
Suzanne Demarest 
Los Angeles, California 


I had a severe cise of polio in carly 
childhood that left me wearing body and 
leg braces amd necessitates the ol 
crutches, Bui I have been succesful in 
overcoming my handicaps. E have an in- 
teresting and lucrative job many 
good friends. I drive a hand controlled 
iuto and | enjoy waveling. It doesn't 
bother me much that T can't run the 100- 
vand dash. In short, my life is good— 
cept that the only outlet E have for sex is 


prostitutes, 
There are very few women who are 
not repelled by physically idli- 


capped. mate. The few times I thought 1 
s going to be successful in seduction, 
the lady was out of the mood by the 
time 1 had removed my braces. 1 have 
stopped even. irving to date, because a 
rebuff, at any stage of the game, is hi 
on the ego. 

1 realize that sex XE a prostitute is a 
very poor substitute for the res 
butik UD y bater Uan nodi 
would preler the companionship of ord 
nary girls and eventually marriage and 
children, but this is impossible. 

T have only once used the services of 
local prostitute, because if | were arrest 
cd. T would lose my job, So I frequently 
drive several hundred miles to anothe 
state where I am unknown to spend an 
evening with a prostitute. E have been 
doing i He teens, 

Prostitution gives me both the delish 
of sex itself and the simple pleasure ol 
having a female companion. I search for 
the warm and understanding type and 
usually stick with her until she moves on. 

I am not obsessed with sex, but 1 must 
have some sexual outlet or lose my iden- 
lity as a man. IP prostitutes (and custom- 
18) are adults, are not forcibly recru 
lare discreet. 1 fail to see 


ane and address 
withheld by request) 
“The Playboy Forum” offers the oppor- 
Innity [or an extended dialog between 
readers and editors of this publication 
on subjects and issues raised in Hugh 
M. Hefner's continuing editorial series, 
The Playboy Philosophy.” Four book- 
let re prints of “The Playboy Philosaphy, 
including installments 1-7, 8-12, 13-18 
and 19-22, arc available at 50€ per book- 
let. Address all correspondence on both 
“Philosophy” and "Forum" to: The 
Playboy Forum, riavwoy, 232 E. Ohio 
Street, Chicago, Hlinois 60611. 


ACCESSORIES BEFORE THE FACT 
... from Playboy 


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“All right, Kir etie—lets take it from your line, 
148 ‘Follow me! They can't stop men who want to be freer” 


SEX IN CINEMA 


"propaganda?) films on Why We Fight. 
he did not hesitate to show the nature of 
the enemy—Germany, Japan and Italy— 
a all iis bestiality. Using for the most 
part captured Footage (ahhough occa- 
sionally snippets Irom feature films were 
slipped in), they graphically showed the 
Nazis brutal persecution of the Jews 
and fascist atrocities in China, Poland 
and Russia. Perhaps the strongest of the 
lot was The Battle of Russia, directed by 
Anatole Litvak, which included shots of 
Js raped and mutilated. by the Ger- 
mans, nude corpses of women and cd 
dren frozen. in the Rusian winter, and 
a behind-the-lines Nazi brothel stocked 
with captive Russian girls, Symptomatic 
of the leeway found in these films was a 
scene from San Pietro, John Huston’ 
masterful account of a battle in the Ital- 
ian campaign. As the peasants return io 
their shattered village after the fighi 
is over, he shows a trio of women breast 
feeding their babies, oblivious to the 
passing Gls. Such a sequence would have 
had to be cut from any Hollywood film 
of the period: under mo circumstances 
would the Code have permitted the 
posure of breass—at least, not 
breasts of while women 

On the home front, meanwhile, Holly- 
wood began turning out Service-con- 
nected pictures that blended a modicum 
of hokey patriotism with a maximum of 
hokey sex: So Proudly We Hail, Four 
Jilly in a Jeep and Keep Your Powder 
Dry are examples. In all of them, the 


the 


girls looked as if they had been fitted 
for their GI uniforms by Adrian, and 
Max Factor himself had accompanied. 


them right up to the front lines, Unlike 
Errol Flynn, who went through the V 
with an artful smudge on his cheek, his 
female counterp 


ts rarely had so much 
asa hair out of place, Naturally, they had 
to look their best for "our boys overseas." 
This attitude was perhaps best expressed 
which Ka 
rancis, Carole Landis, Martha Raye 
nd Mitzi Mayfair celebrated in celluloid 
their own courage and fortitude in en- 
tertaining our troops in Britain and 
North Africa during the dark days of 
1949. To the accompaniment of Jimmy 
Dorsey's band, and assisted by innumer 
ble guest stars, they managed to imply 
that if they had not been there doing 
their bit for the U.S. O.—singing, danc- 
ng and. in 
breathing deeply—we might have lost 
the entire North African campaign. 
Another interesting item. immoderately 
cheered by critics and public alike at the 
time of its appearance, was So Proudly 
We Hail, a film made to honor the 
nurses who served so heroically in H 
nd Corregidor. While there was no 
doubting its sincerity (it would have been 
difficult, at that stage of the War, to be 


in Four Jills in a Jeep, i 
F 


Miss Landis’ 


mainly 


(continued from page 128) 


otherwise), the script nevertheless con 
trived 10 cook up standard peacetime 
romances for each of its stars, Claudeue 
Colbert, Veronica Lake d Paulette 
Goddard: then used the Japs, lusting for 
white women, as the trigger to wagedy 
One bad the impression that the delense 
of Bataan was essentially a defense of 
the girls honor. At the film's climax, 
Veronica Lake, a little troublemaker up 
to that point, learns that the Japanese 
army is dosing in and the situation is 
hopeless. Tucking a live grenade into 
her bosom, she walks bravely toward the 
enemy and blows them—and, of course, 
hersel{—to bits. (As they watched this 
scene, the Gls were less respectful than 
the home-front audiences. At the mo- 
ment of Miss Lake's disintegration, som 
one bly sang out, “I know the 
part J wane!" or words to that effec.) 
During the War years, perhaps the 
sole Hollywood film maker to treat 
and patriotism, motherhood and just 
about every other sacred cow available— 
with a healthy irreverence and a caustic 
wit was writer-director Preston. Sturges. 
His 1944 comedy The Miracle of Mor 
gan’s Creek. offered a blistering but hi- 
larious commentary on  frecand-casy 
Wartime marriages, and also on the ab- 
surd elevation of the male for his role as 


concciver. In it, teenaged Trudy Kocken- 
locker (Betty. Hutton) finds herself the 
th 


morning after a “kiss-the-boysgoodbyc” 
dance dimly remembering that at some 
point in the proceedings she had gotten 
married to a tall dark GI with curly hair 
whose name she recalls even more dimly 
—"Private Rauiwatski, or was it Zitzi 
witzky?” Whatever his name, the troops 
have moved out. Icaving an impregnated 
Trudy in urgent need of a husband 
Norval Jones (Eddie Bracken), a +F, 
gladly volunteers for the job—and ends 
Up charged. with abduction, impersonat 
ing a soldier, impairing the morals of a 
minor, resisting arrest, and numerous 
other offenses to law, order and decency 
AIL of this gets squared away, howe 
when Trudy comes through with, in- 


stead of just one baby, sextuplets—and 
all boys. Although the missing Rawi 
ski (or was it Zivikiwitzky?) was 


responsible, Norval gets the credit, and 
for his reward is n 
state militia. As James Agee commented 
about Miracle at the time, “The Hays 
Office has been either hypnotized into a 
liberality for which it should be thanked, 
or bas been raped in its sleep.” 
Chances are it was the ater, for when 
Warner Bros, was in production on To 
Have and Have Not a few months late 
Mr. Hays kept both eves on the project— 
as indeed did the Offices of War Infor- 
mation and the Coordinator of Inter 
American. Affairs, although for different 
reasons. Remotely (perhaps ten. percent) 
ed on Hemingway's tale of a hard- 


le a colonel in the 


bitten gunrunner plying his trade be- 
tween Key West and Havana in the early 
Thirties. the novel's sexiness was watered. 
down (by scriptwriters William Faulkner 
and Jules Furthman) ar the behest of 
Production Code, and the locale was 
nged from Cuba 10 Vichy-held N 
at the suggestion of the Inter 
merican. Allairs people. To Have and 
Have Not may have been short on Hem 

or Lauren 
Bacall, it was long on sex appeal. Tawny. 
leggy, not ro mention (as the Warner 
publicity department put 11) “sizzling, 
suluy." the 20-year-old 
former model and usherette 
med with Humphrey Bogart 10 pro 
e of the femme fatale. Ba 


rti- 


her fore or aft, but clearly she had 
been around.” She not only knew all 
the answers, she knew the questions be- 
fore they were asked. Not since the palm- 
ys of Mac West had the screen 
presented such a forthright and direct 
approach to sex. “IT you want anything, 
just whistle," she tells Bogey on their 
first encounter at a b: 
reminded one critic of “a chorus by Kid 
Ory.” After a somewhat tentative kiss 
from Bogart, she informs him, “It's even 
Detter when you help." Throwing him 
t came to be known as The Look, she 
says. "Im hard to get—all you have to 
do is ask me” There was an 
toughness about the girl, a mi 
agg d acquiescence 

males—cven so casehardened a male as 
Humphrey Bogari—atingle, Inevitably, 
she found herself compared with half a 
dozen other actresses, including Dietrich, 
Bankhead, Harlow, Garbo and Veronica 
Lake; but her compounding of these di 
ics produced a u 


ei 


iest d 


, in a voice th 


ssion a 


the scenes as she would 
One of the film's best sequences 
sulted from this—the one in which, 
fter prolonged kisses with Bogart in a 
cheap hotel bedroom, the girl prepares 
to retire 10 her own quarters. As ori 
inally written, the sequence was to fade 
after she walks out of his 
room and closes the door. "At this point 
| the shooting," according 10 Tune 
vine, "Miss B complained: 
"God, Fm dumb. ‘Why? asked. Hawks. 
"Well, if 1 had any sense, I'd go back in 
after that guy. 7 Hawks agreed, and the 
scene now fades as she walks back [rc 
the door toward. him. 


wr just 


For the Ameri 


in motion-picture. in- 
dustry, World War Two produced a bo- 
manza of unprecedented proportions. 
Both wages and employment shot up as 
the home front was mobilized for the 


149 


PLAYBOY 


150 


(CSPICAL PRODUCTS DIVION DF THE RATIONAL BREING C0. BALTIMORE, MD. 


I just had 

a completely 
unique experience 
-. my first Colt 45 
Malt Liquor. 


War effort. For the first time since the 
Twenties, people knew what it felt like 
to have spending money. People needed 
relaxation; there was a lot i0 forget. 
Hollywood. oblig 


l by umrning out a 
bumper crop of star-spangled musicals 
and escapist comedies. And many 
wanted some vicarious identification 


with the War being waged in such hith- 
ertounheard-of places as Wake Isli 
Guadalcinal and 
wood ed 
from 


ihe 
nd 
ed 


various Armed 
the world. 
Forces were far too busy to fight back. 

As box-office attendance surged to new 
heights (estimated at over 00,000,000 per 
week), the studios stepped up their pro- 
duction. programs accordingly. The ac- 
cent fell on quantity, nor on quality, 
and on action than subtlety, As 
bonus the War also allorded producers 
readily identifiable new villains ripe for 
exploitations. Lulul Japs and sadistic 
Nazis inspired an unbridled violence un- 
precedented on the Amerin screen, 
even in the gangster pictures of the 
Thirties. Sanetified by the War and prot- 
fered in the name of patriotism. film 
after film delineated the agonies of 
concentration: and prison-camp life, the 
flagellations aud. mutilations visited up- 
on Allied airmen, survivors of Corre 
idor or members of the underground 
during the Occupation. who were seized 
by the Nazis. Young girls were flogged 
in Hitler's Children: Americ nen 
who had fallen ime Japanese hands were 
tortured. then decapitated (olf screen) 
The Purple Heart: French Resistance 
workers were beaten, burned. and m 
tilated horribly by their German captors 
in The Cross of Lorraine. Significantly. 
in November 1941. the Hays Ollice had 


athe 


launched a campaign to reduce the 
amount of violence on the screen, pa 
ticularly in Westerns. "Even in Wes- 


erns,” Hays ordered. “killings must. be 
reduced to a necessary minimum." Afte 
December 7 of that year. however. such 
admonitions low their validity. Wa 
wed the studios an open license to 

^d they used it with enthusiasm. 


Innumerable War films had as th. 
climax the American hero—usually Errol 
Flynn, John Wayne, Rober Taylor or 
Humphrey Boga down en- 
tire battalions of advancing Germans or 
Japs, spraying them with lead from 
machine guns fired Irom the hip. ‘There 
was a positive exhilaration in these mass 
murdery—and nor merely because the 
killers were on our side. 

wt the movies had declared w 
Germany and Japan long before Pearl 
Harbor. Edward G. Robinson abandoned 
his gangland activities and joined the 
FBI to track German agens in 
Confessions of a Nazi Spy (1939). Chap- 


—mowing 


on 


dow 


lins The Great Dictator (1910) was a 
forthright’ attack on both Hitler and 
fascism. while Hitcheock’s Foreign. Cor- 
respondent. (1940) ended with a stern 
from bomb-torn London that 
itself with steel.” 


warnit 
America should "rin 


Nazi planes attacked. defenseless John 
Wayne in The Long Voyage Home 
(1940), and shortly thereafter, in A Yank 


in the RAF (1941), Tyrone Power. was 
flying for the British, War in the East 
was noted in films such as They Met in 
Bombay and Burma Convey (both 41). 
1n all of them, the enemy was the same 
lustful Japs and sadistic Nazis. 

As Gershon Legman hay pointed. out 
welldocumented: study 
Love and Death, there is a strong in- 
verse relationship beween sex amd vi 
olene. Where sex is repressed. be it 
physi the anistic devel, he 
points out, it quickly reisserts. isell in 
other forms—perversion, homosexuality. 
sadism or savagery. In time ol wa 
spite such. Hemingwayesque romances as 
those Teaming a clean-cut officer 
lovehungry nurse, or those more ribald 
Captain Fl ant Quin a 
with rollicking French. farm. girls, most 
soldiers (and their Sta irllriends 
as well) led lives of quiet. deprivation. 
No Love, No Nothin’. that popular bal 
lad of World War Two, may have been 
wyeration af the case: but 
most psychologists are quick to. draw 
the distinction between a roll in the hay 
and a maturing relatomhip be 
twee d It was of the 
leavening influence of the Lauer that 
war deprived the soldier. 

Meanwhile, however, the movies con 


his si 


ally or o 


s de 


and a 


airs 


-Serg 


esiele 


sl 


ight ex, 


slow, 
a man 


woman 


ued to tickle his libido with Esthe 
Williams’ aqueous charms, Rita Hay- 
wonl/s copious curves and Berty 


Grable’s well-publicized legs. The mov- 
ies themselves were, for the most. part, 00 
and 11100 percent. purer ihan Ivory 
soap: the earlier liberalizing wend had 
been promptly reversed when Joseph 
Breen, after a frustrating year as produc 
tion manager of RKO, rerumed. to his 
Production Code command. post kite in 
1942. When Hen ways For Whom 
the Bell Tolls was filmed in 104, for ex 
ample, the famous sleeping bag il 
Gary Cooper shared with Ingrid Bers 
n might as well have been a laundry 
bag for all its erotic implications. So cau 
tiously photographed was their lovemak 
under the stars that one could never 
from moment. to moment whether 
Bergman—or both, or nei- 
ther—was inside i, Nor had the Le 
gion of Decency altered its position 
Lady of Burlesque, based on Gypsy Rose 
Lee's bestselling G-String Murders 
charged with offering “double-me: 
lins. salacious dances and 
and indecent costumes presented ; 
the background of a sensuous form of 


t 


tell 
Cooper or 


was 


ng 


situations, 


entertainment" At the Legion's insist 
ence, the film was hauled back for exten- 
sive trimming and the dubbing im of 
w dialog for some of the more ollen 
sive dines. Bur even so, much of the 
appeal of such films was still their crot 
dsm, however veiled or mutilated: and 
the fantasies they invited. deprived of nat- 
ural outlets, sought gratification in sights 
af violence—or in deeds of violence. 
Inevitably, however, as the War 
dragged on, the public grew increasingly 
apathetic toward. war pictures, Holly- 
wood, in its first hot tush of patriotism, 
had literally flooded the screens with 
them. In a Film Daily poll taken as carly 
as September 1943, when theater owners 
were queried, “Do you believe that too 
many stories are hing the 
sereen?,” 56 percent answered in the al- 
firmative—and added thar they had the 
box-office records on such pic- 
vs o prove it. By the spring of 19H, 
war stories had all but disappeared from 
the sound stages. “Possibly as a breath- 
spell from war" The New York 
Times reported. “Hollywood, temporar- 
ily at least, has all but shelved martial 
projects in favor of screams in the night. 
<. | Every studio has at least one such 
picture. in production, and others com- 
ing to a witching boil.” At first, these 
tended 10 be psychological horror stories 
—Gaslight. Phantom Lady, Hangover 
Square, The Uninuited—in which the 
wormabseeming but thoroughly psycho- 
a series of cruel and 
1 punishments upon bis nnsus 
pecting ladylove. Jt was as if the Ge- 
po had be 
our domestic lic. 
World, this implicat 
Fredric March, playi 
fessor, takes im an orphaned German boy 
and soon discovers that he has nursed 
Nazi viper to his breast: Thanks 10 
earlier Nazi indoctrination, the boy i 


n to insinuate itself into 
Tomorrow 


In the 


fiano 
impending marriage but the 
Very quickly, however. psycholo 


horror was being blended with phy 
violence as Gestapodike terrors were vis- 
ited upon private citizens, and particu- 
larly upon private eyes. Marking t 

ion was a film called Cornered. 


transi 
starring Dick Powell, that appeared late 
in 1915. In it, the quondam croon 


terrific,” as 
n ex-R.C. AF. 
k down the Nazis 
who murd A loner, like all 
ivate eyes, he falls into enemy hands 
and is subjected to all the beatings and 
brutilities popularized by the Wartime 
melodramas. In. this 


ougher. tougher 
the 


ds put. it—p 


is wile. 


ew cycle, the stu- 


dios h to project the 
violence lism of their anti-Nazi 
films onto the peacetime scene. Very 


Nazis of Cornered gave way to 
crooks, gangsters, rich perverts or crim- 
inal masterminds whose devious manipu- 


“Hi—we're from Sioux Falls, South Dakota—when 
dees the wife swapping begin?” 


lutions cast deep shadows of suspicion 
over the innocent until the pi ye 
hero, invariably bloodied Dut never 
bowed, could batter his way through the 
maze. 

Cornered, of course, was not without 
precedent. Humphrey Bogart had made 
onc ol the most memorable of all 
privateeye films, The Maltese Falcon, as 
arly as 1941; and two years after that, 
ightlipped Alan Ladd got a toe hold on 
his career as the trench«oated. profes- 
sional killer in This Gun for Hire. Pow- 
ell himself had alrcady turned from 
duets with Ruby Keeler to Raymond. 
Chandler gun duels in Murder, My 
Sweet (1944): bur the screen did not be- 
gin to throng with detectives, and their 
shadowy adversaries, until the. War was 
almost over, mainly because the nefar- 
pponese and sadistic SS men were 
ble in such abundant supply. 

Typical of the new, post-War cyde of 
detective pictures was Howard Hawks 
The Big Sleep. which starred Bogart (op- 
posite Bacall) in one of his most effective 
roles, as Raymond Chandlers tough- 
talking shamus, Philip Marlowe. The 
plot almost defies descriptioi ily it 
defies ly ionally, 
who did what to whom, 
rely why. Actually, th 
that not even the people who 
the film were ever quite sure 
whether to tr murder or à sui- 
cide. What is clear is that onc of 


ZI 


nillion- 


aire General Stermwood’s daughters had 
aures 


posed for pornographic ; xhile 
under the influence of n 
that the other, played by 
had nymphomaniacal tendencies and a 


shady all 


After that, it was just a mauer of keep- 
ag up with the falling bodies. A curious 
delight to the film—and, indeed, to 
most ob the pictures in the privateeye 
genre during the Forties—is that the 
hero himsell shows litle interest in 
sex. No ucr how many delectable 
creatures force themselves upon him, he 


remains grimly intent on carning his 
$25 à day plus expenses.” The kiss at 


the fi fade-out, if there was a kiss at 
all, was as perfunctory and ritualistic as 
that bestowed upon the heroines of the 
old Western movies, Nevertheless, iu 
The Big Sleep, as one critic accurately 
observed, "a sullen atmosphere of sex sai 


was due to the voltage gene 

and his suluy "Baby" in their m 
scenes together. 

In this respect, The Big Sleep proved 


an exception. True to the Legman 
formula, the more violence these films 
featured, the less attention they gave 
to sex. In Laura, one of the best of 
the genre, Dana Andrews believes for 
more than half the picture that he has 


fallen in love with a corpse. E 
Laura finally does mater 
ensuing action is dominated by the fop- 
pish, epicene gossip writer played by 
Clifton Webb. Lady in the Lake. with 
Robert Montgomery this time as Chand. 
lers Marlowe, goes a step further, It has 
no love interest whatsoever: and by u 
a subjective camera techniqu 
ly becomes M. 
it extends t0 the audience the vicarious 
pleasures of being shot at. socked on the 
jaw and beaten unconscious, 

with cl 


Alfred Hitchcoc cteristic 
ingenuity, was one of the few to find a 


181 


PLAYBOY 


way to inject sex into the private-cye- 
counterspy genre, In Notorious, he sub- 
stituted for outright brutality an aura of 
dread menace as Ingrid Bergman 
uated herself into the Rio hide out of 
vi agent Claude Rains at the behest 
Srant. While 
early footage understandably faltered 
sh-faced Miss Berg- 
man as callginl, Hitch- 
cock's triumph was the creation of the 
longest nonstop kissing sequence ever 
committed to film. Thumbing his nose 
ut the Production. Code, which had ar- 
bitrarily established 30 seconds of oscula- 
tien as a maximum, he had Bergman 
ibbling away at Grant during an urgent 
telephone call with his boss. The scene 
played almost three minutes, 

Hitchcock. (with a notable assist from 
enwriter Ben Hecht) actually went 
t deal further. Although the Code 
specifically stated that “impure love 
must not be presented as attractive and 
tiful,” no one for a moment was led 
magine that Cary Grant and Miss 
imply held hands after he 
telephone. Audiences were 
ag up, and so were the film makers. 

in the past, any hint of promis- 
icly followed by re- 
morse and, preferably, the u 
death of one or both of the 
involved, in Notorious, Bergm 
up with Grai 
ter than death, 
y fact that the film went on to 
great deal of money was a sign 
t the times were changing, that the 
sed or 
visibly d y attractive 
people enjoyed (in a physical sense) each 
other's company. 

Actually, as the War drew to a close, 
thumbing one’s nose at the Production 
Code became an v popular 
pastime at the studios. Terror sold tick- 
es, true: and this potentiality was ex- 
ploited not only in the privarceyc films 


of American agent Cary 
the 


but in such grisly thrillers as Brute Force 
ad The Killers, in which the mayhem 
included cold-blooded sheoti and a 


particularly spectacular murder as a 
gang ol convicts in Brute Force went aft- 
er a stool pigeon with a blowtorch. But 
sex, 100—especially the showgirl disp! 
featured in star-sp; 

cals—was cl. 
before the War 


had ended. ies write 


director team of Charles Brackett and 
Billy Wilder had begun working on an 


adaptation of James M. Cain's Double 
Indemnity, a steamy novel in which an 
insurance salesman has an adulterous 
air with a woman who uses him to 
murder her husband so that they can 
live on the insurance money. Joseph 
Breen had rejected the story out of hand 
when it first appeared. "The story is in 
ion of provisions of the Production 
" he wrote at the time to Louis B. 
and, as such, is almost certain to 


result in a picture which we would be 
compelled to reject if. and whei ich a 
picture is presented for approval.” But 
when Brackett and Wilder finally sul- 
mitted their script, it passed with only 
minor alterations. What they had done 
was to have the insurance man, con- 
science- ken, kill his ladyfriend and 
then, having been shot by her, record. his 
full confession into. a dictaphone. The 
adultery remained, however; and seldom 
has a temptress been made more lasciv- 
Jy seductive than Barbara Stanwyck 
n the film. She used her sex knowingly, 
as a means to it selfish end. A bed or a 
sola was to her what the desk is to a 
businessman—a place where deals are 
made. And even though both paid dearly 
for their crime, in keeping with the Hays 
Ofhee tenets, audiences saw an adulto 
ous relationship in progress, not mert- 
ly as something 10 be atoned for. 
Double Indemnity was both a critica 
and a box-ofhce succes ad as the Hi 
Ofhce feared, it emboldened other pro- 
ducers to move into previously forbidden 
arcas. Early versal released 
Scarlet Street, a remake of Jean. Renoir's 
La Chienne, a film that had not even 
been permitted entry into this country a 
dozen years earlier. In the new ver 
Edward G. Robinson pla bank cash 
ier who is married 
to a dour woman who “doesn’t under- 
stind him.” Falling in love with a prety 
hustler, Joan Bennett, he sets her up ina 
Greenwich Village apartment and stores 
his paintings on the premises, stealing 
money from both his wife and his 
bank to do so. Her boyfriend (or pimp), 
Dan Duryea, arranges for the paintings 
to be sold in a 57th Suect gallery her 
me. Because he loves her, Robinson is 
willing to go along with the But 


Iso a Sunday painte 


when, unexpeciedly freed of his wile, he 
proposes to the girl and she laughs him 
oll, he stabs her to death with am ice 


pick. Duryea is executed. for the Killing, 
and Robinson is fired from his bank Jor 
bezzlement; and for the remainder of 


© 
the picture he in vain to confes 
imes to the police, who insist on 

him as some kind of crank. 


and immoral,” cried the New 
rejecting the film in toto. 
it was released after the ice 
reduced from seven 
tered. 
But the aduliery remained: Sex was be- 
ginning to break free of th 

1t broke even freer when, a few months 
later, Gilda went into release. To most 
Americans, it seemed an oddly plotted 
but effective starring vehide for Rita Hay 
worth, the thinking man's Betty Grable 
in which Glenn Ford, impervious to her 
hed advances, appoints himself 


“Indecent 
York censor 
Ultimately, 
pick stabs had bee 
to one and a line of Duryea’s : 


censors. 


guardian of her virtue for his employer 
and her “benefactor,” George Macready. 
Although there was every indication 


that she had been a prostitute (or near- 
ly one) when Ford first met her, when 


g Put the Blame on Mame, Boys 
iccompaniment to a travesty of a 
striptease in furs, black-satin 
dress and long black gloves, all traces ol 
the murky plot went out the window. La 
Hayworth was never m , never 
more appealing. Bur in Paris Gilda was, 
redibly. hailed as "the best film, by 
far, oi any of the 
French qitics insisted on interpreting 
the story as a battle between Hayworth 
and Macready for the affections ol 
Glenn Ford! Whichever way the film 
was read, however, it was a dear 
triumph for Hayworth—tfrankly erotic 

Just about the same time that Gilda 
ppeared, Howard Hughes brought back 
his stil-conuoversial The Outlaw, this 
ime for national distribution. Although 


aly passed by the Produc 
the film was reintroduced with 
such a Jurid ad campaign that Breen 


took the unprecedented action of with- 
drawing the Code's Seal of Approv 
raging that Hughes had not “submi 


used in connection with the ad. 
vertisement and exploitation of The 
Outlaw.” Which was perfectly mue. 
alized it would be a complete 
me to seck approval for catch 
phrases such as “How Would You Like 
to Tussle with Russell?” or “What Are 
the Two Great Reasons for Jane Russell's 
Rise to St —nor to mention his 
omnipresent lithos of his bosomy star 
sprawled across a haystack, nibbling 
provocatively on a bit of straw. Never 
theless, he sued the Motion Picture As 
ded by Eric Johnston since 
ent in 1945), cha 
spiracy in restraint of rade, Losing the 
suit, he arranged to open his film 
ound the country in theaters that did 
not require a Seal, ofen renting them 
outright for the purpose. Despite a Lc 
gion condemnation, despite Catholic 
boycotts and Protestant protests, the pic 
ture packed them in. TE nothing che, 
The Outlaw furnished. vivid proof th 
millions of post-War moviegoers were 
no longer willing to live by the Code 
Actually, within the indusnry itself, 


matter 


ging con. 


many producers were growin: ive 
over Code restrictions. Early in 1947, for 
example, 20th Century-Fox ad 
its tion of f 

sors runaway best seller, Forever Am 
ber. Breen protest » vain, then 


stipulated that Fox could make the 
ture but would have to cha 
Fox went ahead with the production. 10 
the une of over $5.000,000—obviously 
with no intention of changing the title 
Even so, with a wary eye on the Code 
script restricted Miss 
sity hussy t0 only 
four lovers (compared with twelve in the 
book) and added a spoken prolog to 
explain. that Amber w 
reprehensible woman 


thorou 


ished for her sinful ways. Even though, 
c James Agee noted, Linda Da 
nell, as Amber, "is never kissed hard 
enough to jar am eyelash loose, and it 
comes as a mild shock when she suddenly 
announces her pregnancy"; nevertheless, 
ihe film immediately roused the ire of 
the Legion of Decency. “A glorification of 
immorality and licentio 
gion stormed in g 
sification, And Cardinal Spellman, in 
New York, warned his parishioners to st 
away. In Philadelphia, Catholics were 
urged to boycot for a year any theater 
that might play it. Despite its Code S 
when similar objections were raised 
around the country, Fox withdrew its 
prints, made cuts and added moralizing 
dialog in a successful effort to persuade 
the Legion to change its dassification 
from "C" 10 "B." 
milar outcries attended the release 
of David O. Selenick's sex-charged, blood- 
ated potboiler Duel im the Sun. 
influenced by the box-office re 
sponse to The Outlaw, Selznick assem 
bled a top-flight cast and crew to inflate 
what had first been envisioned as an or 
dinary Western into a $6,000,000 super- 
spectacular or, as Selznick preferred to 
isname it, “the picture of a thousand 
memorable moments." The precise na- 
ture of those "moments" is perhaps best 
suggested by the film industry's descrip- 
Live, though unofficial title for it—Luse im 
the Dust. Jennifer Jones, lushly be: 
ful as the adopted hall-caste daughter of 
cattle baron with a ranch only slightly 
Her than Texas, has caught the eye 
of both his sons, Joseph Cotten and 
Gregory Peck—a task simplified by her 
addiction to nude bathing in a nearby 
pond and to wearing Jane Rusell-type 
shirts and blouses. Her prowacied love- 
hate relationship with Peck involves at- 
tempted fratricide, rape, suicide and a 
nd finale in which the wo of them 
imately kill cach other in a gun duct 
fought beneath a blood-red Technicolor 
© Mortally wounded herself. the girl 
qawls over rock and sand to plant a 
final kiss upon her dead lovers lips. 
This bit of necrophilia produced. almost 
as much shock among professional de 
Tenders of the publics morals as Miss 
Jones’ revealing costumes, the bathing 
Sequence and the rape. The Legion 
awarded an excised version of the film 
"B^ rating, despite their objections to 
odestly suggestive sequences” 
and its “glorification of illicit love. 
Duel in the Sun became one of the in- 
dustry’s alltime top-zrossing films. 
The point is that all of these films, 
een including The Outlaw, went imo 
distribution with the Code's ble 
The induswy's own self.censorsh 
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drastic as it once was, 
begun to relax, unlike the Legion a 
other national pressure groups. Undoubt- 
edly, much of this was duc to the War. 
As film makers flocked back to the 


PLAYBOY 


154 


studios after their exposure to combat, 
suffering and death, after many of them 
1 become involved i 
capturing the look of the real world for 
their Wartime documentaries, the sugar- 
coated fables and Production Code 
formulae no longer made sense. They 
found Breen not only silly and old- 
ashioned but prurient, looking for dirt 
in every scene and situation put on film. 
Many of Hollywood's most. responsible 
producers were beginning t0 wonder if 
the Production Cod me was worth 
the c amuel Goldwyn, one of the 
industry's. staunchest advocates of “de- 
the screen, summed up the 
his characteristic malapropos 
fashion when, speaking of the Cod 


the problems of 


told a group of theater men, “I thi 
is about time we all joined to do some- 
thing about this awful m 


the neck of the motion: pict 
Not only had the film makers been to 
And a 


their audiences. 
wae damoring for somcil 
more substantial than the bittersweet ro- 
mances and. hyped-up heroics that had 
stunted the sereen for almost four k 
years. Small wonder that the public 
responded with enthusiasm to such real- 
tically drawn melodramas as the pri- 
vateeye films, such semidocumentaries 


as Boomerang and Naked Cily, or to 
the frank sexuality of Jane Russell, Rita 

ayworth and Jennifer Jones. The 
wraps were coming olf, and neither 


condemnation of the Legion nor the 
presure of the pressure. groups. could 
wholly prevent it, As for the Production 
Code. at best it was fighting a delaying 
action, with breakthroughs whenever a 
producer was bold enough, or ingenious 
ugh, to ny one. 

Symptomatic of this new era was i 
emergence, shortly afier World War 
Two, ol the bitch her n ahe 
success of Double Indemnity made th 
prediciable, But also, in a sense, the Pro- 
duction Code made her inevitable. H a 
diences weve cager for greater realism on 


the screen, and if the Code siw to it tha 
wo nice girl swore, wore reveali 
tumes or enjoyed pre or ext 


relations, then clearly this left quite a 
large area open for the bad girl to n 
neuyer in. Suddenly, in films such as 
Leave Her to Heaven. The Strange Lave 
of Martha Ivers, The Postman Always 
Rings Twice, Pead Reckoning d 
Mildred Pierce, the bad girl advanced 
from a secondary character to screen cen- 
ter. She dominated uot only the story 
but the men in the story, generally usi 
her sex as the whip that brought th 
heel. And not coincidentally. the 


1o 
ac 
wesses who played her included some of 


the biggest then in the business—Bar- 
bara Stanwyck, Lana Turner, Gene 
‘Tierney, Lizabeth Scott, Joan Crawford 
and the perdurable Bette Davis. One can 
never forget Davis, ng wife 
in Beyond the For pstick 


s the che: 
st, slashing 


over her ravaged 
film. prepa 


way; or Ava Gardner, as the sl 
ne who euch 
caster into a life of crime in The Killers. 

How did these sexy witches slip past 
the Johnston Office? Gershon Legman, 
writing of thei ry counterparts, 


suggests a partial explanation. In his 
essay on “The Bitch Hi he ob- 
serves: “Understand (0 bitch 
heroine no sex, She thinks she has 


l of sex, in which error her 
nd consumers foolishly accom- 
-. Inevitably she is described 
md beautiful. Her 
v commented upon in 
` fic terms. But in actual fact 
dead from the neck down.” If in 
ry world the bitch heroine 
could rise triumphant over the bodies of 
broken. men, however, the moviemakers 
saw to it that she invariably paid a full 
nd bitter price for her willful behav 
ior. In keeping with the Code’s “Iaw of 
compensating valucs"—a law that since it 
was postulated has ingeniously permit- 
ted producers to have their cake and eat 
100—she generally ended up not mere 
ly dead from the neck down, but dead 
all over. While she lived, though, she 
flaunted a semblance of sex that no 
Codeabiding heroine could. rival, much 
less surpass: and her mounting popularity 
posed a threat to the Code itself. 
What further undermined the suprem- 
acy of the Code was the wholesale im- 
portation of for films in the 
aher World War Two. Released by dis- 
tributors who were independent of the 
Motion Picture Assoc they went 
iuto a growing chain ases across 
the counwy that operated free of. any 
pledge to show only Codeapproved pic 
down, early 
ry number 


pany h 
as ravishi 
amd ge 


breasts 


vens 


tures. (When the chips wer 
a the Fifries, an. extraordit 


of pledged. theater owners. blithely ig 
mored th Code commiument order 


to get their hands on profitable product, 
both domestic and foreign.) Although 
the (ull story of the impact of the foreign 
films on the American market is the sub 
ject of our next installment, one aspect 
of it remains for this. As the Code was 
weakened or ignored, the Legion of 
Decency. the Ame Legion and sim- 


ilar pressure groups, as well as local 
censor bodies, became. correspondingly 
more active in attacking those new con- 


cepts of morality that were beginning to 


make their way into th ovie houses, 
but which remained anathe: 10 them. 
In 1947 the American Legi 

and — altogethe: 


to drive Charlie 
d biuerly antimilitar 
sieur Verdoux from the sereen. The 
Legion professed to be shocked by its 


immoral" treatment of the Bluebeard 
: but its leaflets and placards left 
n, the Le 


them 
no doubt that, through his fil 


plin himself. Having 
blood, the American Legion remained 
yon the alert for more. The Le 
gion of Decency also redoubled its efforts 
this time. Patrick J. Masterson, 
xecutive secretary of the Legion of De 
cency, reported in August 1910 that “the 
percentage of films containing objection- 
able materials has increased from. mo 
percent in 1915-1946 to better 
5 percent today." Partly, he ad 
this was due to the inllus of 
foreign films, of which his organization 
had found 52 percent objectionable since 
the previous November. “But,” he went 
“domestic production is also deie 

ting, with almost 20 percent of to 


mitted, 


domestic films considered. t0 contain 
subst norally objectionable elc- 
ments. is the highest figure in the 


history of the Legion.” Local censorship 
had reached the point where, as Betty 
Davis put it, “Anyone who attempts to 
do something that hasn't been previously 
tested and approved soon finds out th: 
you can't do this, because Mr. Binlord 
[the notorious chief of censorship in 
Memphis, Tennessee] or somebody else 
won't approv 

Although the American film industry 
strangely reticent abou 
s rights in the cour 
n 0 stiffen when South 
M to bar such films as 
Lost Boundaries and a Hal Roach 
Gang comedy—all. antiscgregation- 
by implicition—lrom. loc 
Industry lawyers. appealed and 
won. establishing à precedent that. was 
to be pursued lar more. vigorously. by 
the € ors of foreign films in die 
Fifties. But the final blow to the Code 
itself cime from the most unexpected 


iding up for 
studio b; 


Ow 
ist, at least 


screens. 


of sources—television. dark cloud on 
the movie horizon at the l of the 
War. by end of the decade TV had 


swallowed up beter than half of Holly 
woods weekly customers. As the movie- 
makers turned to the F y realized 
that as a matter of sheer survival, they 
would have ro cree new kinds of 
emertainment for the big screens thi 
people could not possibly find on their 


small screens in the living room. For 
mos producers, this meant bur one 
thing—a greater emphasis on sex than 
television would tolerate. And if they 


had to defy their own Production Code to 
do it, many film makers were prepared 
even eager—to face that continge 


In. their next installment of 
tory of Sex in Cinema.” authors Knight 
and Alpert turn their attention to the 
films of the Forties in Europe, where 
Wartime Nazi censorship suppressed sex 
in cinema—except for anti-Semitic prop- 
aganda purposes—until the Liberation, 
which emboldened Europe's film mak 


to erotic realism. 


Bunnies Of Dixie (continued from page 116) 


regulars drops in at the Sho-Bar. a Bour- 
bon Sueet bistro featuring all the new 
dances. "Everybody knows were Bu 
nies,” says Mickie Picone, a Colomb 
native who's a leader of the Sho-Bar 
group, "so they almost never get fresh. 
In case they do, the manager keeps a 
eye out for us. You wouldn't believe how 
everybody looks after us in the Quarter. 
The New Orle 
naval officers as well as for 
ag French 


s Club is a mecca for 


ertainers 
night spots. 
“he guys work rus, Pete Four 
tain's, the Blue Room at the Roosevelt 
drop by." says Bob Patterson, Club man 
ager, "We've had Frankie Laine, Johnny 
Desmond, Jerry Colonna, Fats Domino, 
and most of the movie stars who've been 
on location in the city. On any given 
ve likely to have at least one 
er Or actor as a guest.” 
district attorney. Jim Gar- 
he celebrated both hi 
election and his re-clection at the Club. 

“This Club is different from othe 
New Orleans night spots" says Pat 
terson. “It’s relaxed and sophisticated. 
Its also on the level. Our. keyholders 
know they'll be treated f. nd honest- 
ly here, not like at some of the places 
on Bourbon Street" In both New Or- 
leans y Club's 
success has sparked the highest form of 
flattery, in the guise of a sackful of copy- 
cats, At one place in New Orleans the 
girls we and an Adana 
"club" features fake hares called Kittens. 
y. the haven't 
had much impact. 

Playboy's Ada 
good, 
town and 
low, it promises 
ta, long the business and cultur 
of the South 
center. as well, 


rison is a regul 


imitators 


Needless to 


na business is very 
1 with the Braves 
F. L. Falcons soon to fol- 
to be even better. Atla 
1 center 
ast, will soon be its sports 
which will mean even 
more the Club. Bunnies and 
barte alike have become Braves 
fans overnight. A Bunny color guard 
rode iu the Braves! opening. day. parade, 


adced,, 


and Bunnies working in the Club try to 
catch a play or two from the radio 
broadcasts of the games while waiting 


for the bartenders to All their orders. 
N.F. Le stars are already beginning to 
slip imo the Club—to sip collec or 


tomato juice. 

Atlanta has a notably lively and active 
bunch of Bunnies. Take, for instance, 
Jackie Hendrickson, a Dallas brunette 
who drives in sportscar rallies and lives 
in a trailer mounted on blocks beside an 
Atlanta lake. Jackie, valedictorian of her 
high school dass, spent two years at a 
college in Leeds, England, rhen picked 
potatoes in Limestone, Maine (“hardest 
doggone work [ve ever done"). She 
came t0 Arama to teach but 
when she found out the pay was only 


school. 


$4200 a year, she traded classroom for 
vroom. "| practically had my hair 
Dack in a bun and quill pen in hand,” 
she recalls with a chuckle, “but somehow 
job.” 

s car mania dates back to high 
. when she became the first girl 
idmitted to a Dallas hotrod group 
called the Asphalt Angels. "I've got a 
little TR in mind,” she says. “I've been 
economical for a year, and now I want 
something to have fun with again.” 
ckie has traveled to Europe twice. On 
the first trip she took a bike and a bed- 
roll from hostel to hostel, amused her- 
self by nd 
eavesdropping on unsuspecting A 
can tourists. 


y 


“posing as a French girl 


One of Atlanta's most beguiling and 


self-suffic is Gary McQuar 
rie, a tall blonde with a sweet smile and 
a purple belt in karate. Gary, who wa 
queen of a Northridge, California, rodeo 


age 13 (she says she sold the most tick- 


nt Bunnie 


ets), 
“just for 
board with her hand to 
belt, but says wistfully that she's out of 
practice now; there's only soft, gentle 
flesh where there should be calluses. 

t 4/9", Neenah McDonald figures 
she's the shortest Bunny in the bu: 
But her height doe: stop this fiery 
redhead from pursuing her major inter- 
est, athletics. She's captain of the Bunny 
softball team and a top scorer on the 
Bunny basketball tem—ddanks in } 

a convenient rule that Bunnies 
five feet may use a stepladder. Peaches 
Coombs is also on the short side, and 
like Susie adino in New Orleans, has 
an acrobatic past. Peaches traveled wi 
a professional group called The Flving 
Nesbitts for two years. specializing in 
tumbling, foot | g and other anti 
gravity feats. She still thrives on exer 
cise and practices yoga—an antidote, she 
to that occupational disease of all 
nt Bunnies, tired feet. Peaches was 
the first Negro girl hi 


Css. 


"I never heard of such a thing!—Music lessons 


cha 


ged to your Playboy Club Key!" 


155 


PLAYBOY 


Imits she had a few 


Club, 
prehen 
don’t want any part of that pl 
one told me. But I tell you, 1 thrive on 
new experiences, and life at the Club 
has been wonderful" How docs she get 
along with the other girls? "I love every- 
body here, and 1 think they feel the 
same about me.” 

Another Northerner come South is 
Bobbie Goodley, a Brooklyn-bred gi 
who has taken Dixie to heart. “I adore 
Mlant Bobbic. “New York is too 
fast for me now. Everything here is only 
five or ten minutes away, and there’ 
green grass, trees amd parks" Bobbie, 
who once studied drama, worked for 
and a hall y 
but prefers the Atlanta atm 
a little more. personal, more intimate, 
she says. Bobbie likes to introduce ke 
holders 1 her favorite dink, the pink 
el, which sh “tastes ike 
ry malted—a_nondrinker’s drink 
Bobbie's Atlanta apartment houses a 
pair of. poodles and two German shep- 
herds, She recently waded in the Alan 
Bunny's companion, a Japanese motor- 
1 MG, With her ter skin 


ad she 
ions. about 


ng South. 


wo 


s in the New York Club, 
sphere. "It's 


cycle, for 
black hair and large dark eves, Bobbie 
156 a black Bunny costume looks like one of 


those fetching old photog 
Bow. 


phs of Clara 


Kim Hester is as fair and Southern 
Bobbie is dark and Northern. Kim has 
delicate fi res and. blonde ha d 


likes to wear tiny pearl earrings. She we 
to the University of Georgia on a music 
scholarship, studying flute and piccolo. 
She's hoping to join the newly vitalized 
Adana Symphony, which will have 
Robert Shaw as its permanent conductor 
next year. “I didn't think E had what i 
takes to be a Bunny." says Kim. 
thought you had to be really stacked. 
And even though boyfriends told 
pretty, I thought they were just 
prejudiced.” Kim's rabbiveared re 
proves how wrong she w 

Perhaps the most outspoken of the 
Dixie Bui is Atlanta's Judy Rose 
Pressley, who hi -rich Midland, 
Texas. (“I'm not a millionaire's daugh 
ter,” she notes dryly), and was glad to get 
away from the place. “Everybody was 
working for the dollar there. Here in At- 
lanta people have time to slow down and 
be decent,” Judy says. Her favorite book 
is A Nation of Sheep, an indictment of 


was 


American thought, foreign policy and 
culture, "Americans just don't know 
enough. about what's going on in their 


ow 
wi 
TV as gospel. 


counmy," she says. “They accept 
avs presented in the papers and on 
She leans toward limited 
government and views life with amused 
detachment, finds that “ihe world is 
lull of putons—everybody's. pretending. 
ny umes if a guy wants to talk with 
you it takes him twenty minutes just to 


become himself.” Counterpointing Judy's 

outward cynicism is a tender allection for 

the simple things in life. H 

experience, she blushingly iad 

wonderful. warm, old-ishioncd 

mas with relatives in rural Georgia 
Playboy's commitment to interna- 


tional flavoring has sprinkled foreign- 
bred. Bunnies through all the Clubs. It 
would be difficult, indeed, to pick a Miss 
Overseas Bunny from this general assem- 
bly, but te Christer 
would 
Grete (pronounced Gra 
on Denmark's rainy Jutland P 


top of any list. 
) grew up 


y teens, way-out stories of P 
its Clubs filtered into. Denma 
“We thought they were naughty pl: 
for men only, where the Bunnics were 
some kind ol odd creatures.” No odd. 
ure herself, Grete is a sun-bronzecd. 
srcen-eyed. beauty with classical Scandi 
nav 


nd 


a 


an features and I is brown 
ha She drives an Alfa-Romeo sedan, 
which i: e and swinging 


at the same time, and finds Americans 
more polite than her countrymen, She 
inks a Bunny's best assers are good legs 
amd a smooth complexion, and insists 
that it’s best to be a tiny bit overweight. 
“Men,” she explains, “want to look at a 
healthy girl. 


The Atana Club has not yet pro 
duced a Bun 
high for B 
lifelon, 


1y-Playmate, but hopes are 
ny Lana Brewer, a 36-23-35 

resident. of Charleston. She 
Greek and once served as secre- 
ary to South Carolina's N Senator 
Olin Johnston, In the manner of thc 
Bunnies of Dixie, she reveres Gone with 
the Wind and digs modern dances like 
the Boston monkey and the duck. And 
thatsame manner, she sees nothing incon- 
sistent in cultivating such disparate tastes. 

Like most of hci red Sout 
land sisters, Lana is cager to abandon 
traditions—such id paternal- 
ism—that are no lon niuglul in 
today's world, But she's just as an. 
preserve those vestiges of the Southern 
heritage—such as cordiality, chivalry and 
femininity—that she still. finds worth- 
while. As the best of the old and the best 
of the new, she nicely epitomizes the cot 
tontails of the land of cono: 


satine 


ous to 


Bunny applications may be obtained 
by writing Playboy Clubs International, 
Bunny Department, 232 
Chicago, Illinois 60611. 


DOCTOR ARNESS 


passed anything that could be described 
as a fully operative condition. If the 


present triumphs of geriatrics continue, 
we shall probably find ourselves wander- 
ag among vast legions of the vague 
elderly. 1 would not for the world deny 
them their extra years, but I cannot see 
that it renders the rest of us any more 
than a sentimental service. 

No, it is the extension of men at their 
working best that obscsses me. I use the 
word advisedly, for it is, with me, truly 
an obsesion. Since childhood I have 
been consumed with this single ambi- 
tion. It's quite possible that the germ of 
the concept first came to me wrapped in 
a le. In any case, it has been 
my driving motive for as long as I can 
remember. 

I am, as T said, bri I am not 
boasting, for it isn't something l've ac 
complished, but merely a quality with 
which 1 was born. I did, however, make 
full use of it, a ged to crowd a 
sible amount of learning into a very 
short period of time, establishing, in 
passing, a quantity of records in various 
educational establishments. I felt, you 
sec, that I was working against the clock. 
I wanted to cheat the time trap as much 
as J possibly could. 


nursery tà 


id man 


So it was Urt I began thc serious 
phase of my 


westigations while still a 
comparatively young man. Despite this 
initial advantage, I was in my mid-30s 
before 1 had completed the fundamental 
structure of my theory. and. well 
40s before I was in a position to bring it 
t0 the actual. physical test. 

My technique was a radical departure 
from the previous approaches to the 
problems of aging, all of which may be 
satisfactorily grouped under two rough 
headings: the propping-up school, which 
employs preventive medicines, vitami 
exercises, and so on; 
up school, which makes use of repa 
operations, stimulants, artificial supple- 
ments or replacements to damaged or- 
gans, and the rest. My aim was 10 bring 
about a fundamental reorientation of 
the body's molecular structure. | intend- 
ed to alter its metabolic operations by 
manipulating the tiny components that 
control it. This I accomplished by means 
of an electrochemical process, the de 
of which are given in the notebook that 
I shall leave. behind to accompany this 
brief note. 

I proceeded in the dassical ma 
theories on animals under 
controlled conditions, taking copious 
notes and records on their reactions. I 
began with mice, went on to guinea pigs, 
d worked the final experiments on a 
group of chimpanzees named, unroman- 
tically enough, One, Two and Three. 


nner, 


(continued from page 73) 


The effect of my treatment is cumula- 
tive, Iri ion, a gradual 
alteration of the body, working from 
the large to the small, so that the small 
can work on the large. There is no d 
cernible change during the first phase, 
but after a period of time, depending on 
the eccentricities of the particular a 
construction, new elements become 
t Their mood becomes buoyant 


slow transforma 


evide 
and their health is dramatically improved. 
One interesting, a pated, bo- 
nus is that all congenital delects dis- 
ppear. Chimpanzee Two, for example, 
had a slightly stunted 
move only with some difficulty. After 
three weeks, that arm was fully grown 
and completely operative. One by one, 
ihe predictions of my theory checked 
out, all on schedule, all completely ful- 
filling or exceeding expectation. 

To say that 1 was pleased with the 
results of these experiments is t0 pro- 
foundly understate the case. The dream 
of my life was proving itself before my 
eyes; 1 had achieved the power to work 
the miracle for which I had been born. 
I, myself, not some distant inheritor of 
theory, could become, for all intents and 
purposes, immortal. 

It was at this point that I erred, and 
the error was precipi you 
blame me? The years were passing, each 
one, it seemed, [aster th 
fore. Irom ume 
grasp: | could not resis 
to reach out and take it. ] was guilty of 
undue haste, but, even. now, L cannot 
blame mysell too much. 

1 began to apply my treatment. to my- 
self. As with my animals, there was no 
observable reaction at first, but then 
became aware of a growing peace and 
comtentment, and 1 saw, clearly, that I 
wis much improved in every bodily 
function. I had worn thick glasses. In 
four weeks 1 dispensed with them al 
together, having 
My digestion had been faulty. Now it 
was perfect. 1 could hardly believe the 
image in my mirror. It was like some 
indafter ad in the back 
azine, I positively radiated 


im that he could 


was 


no further need of th 


incredible befor 
pages of a mi 
health. 

By now the lack of aging had become 
evident in my animals. The mice, which 
would have died long ago under normal 
conditions, were all alive and thriving. 
Each of the aeatures was totally um 
ation. They 
could be killed, of course, by any normal 
means, but if they were only wounded, 
their rate of recovery was staggering. A 
scalpel cut that would ordinarily take 
weeks to mend would heal in a matter of 
days. My triumph was past all belief. 
These few glorious days are, still, worth 


altered since its first transform 


all the rest. Not many men taste perfect 
victory. 

Now I must proceed to the less happy 
events that followed. 

Tt was my habit to occasionally run my 
mice through mazes to determine thi 
reaction time. At the start of the experi- 
ment, when the initial alteration 
effecting itself, their increased abilities 
had afforded me much joy. Now, to my 
apprehension, 1 observed that 
iod of time they took to complete 
their chore was unmistakably graphing 
up. I examined them carefully. I dissect- 
cd a few to see if anything had gone 
wrong with their internal organs. The 
were all in flawless condition, but still, 
cach day, they took a little longer t0 find 
their way through the maze. In a mouth 
I discovered, to my great discomlor 
that they took twice as long to find their 
way from the beginning to the end. 

By this time a similar phenomenon 
had begun to manifest itself in my guin 
ea pigs and even in One, Two 
Three. There nothing, not 
slightest thing, wrong with any of them 
except that they needed more and more 
time to accomplish any task. 

In another month, the condition of 
my mice had become positively gro- 
tesque. At their peak they had averaged 
about a minute and a hall to complete 
their trek through the maze; now they 
all required approximately two hours. It 
was not that they had become sluggish, 
in the ordinary sense of the word. They 
did not lie down or take any periods of 
rest at all. They worked at their task 
steadily, even intelligently, but they li 
gered agonizingly over cach and every 
ove. It was the sume with all their 
activities. They ate, they played. they 
fought and made love, but one's pa 
tience was worn thin watch: them at 
ny of it, because it took them such 
damnably long time to move from one 
part of it to the next. I cin only com 
pare the effect to that of a slow-motion 
movie. 

This slowness, if I may use a cont 
diction in terms, accelerated. Each of the 
various groups of animals proceeded. in 
proportion to its own metabolism. By 
the time the guinca pigs had achieved 
the condition I have just described. in 
the 


was 


and 


was the 


regard to mice, the mice were 
moving so slowly that it required an ex- 


tended period of observation to deter 
mine whether they were moving at all. 1 
tached an ink marker to the tail of one 
mouse so that the creature would le 
thin black line behind itself as it moved 
After one full week, the tiny trail was 
only one and one quarter inches lon, 
Yet all of my mice remained in the best 
of health. Their coats were still glossy, 
and their eyes sparkled with undimmed 
enthusiasm. The only trouble was that 


ve 


157 


PLAYBOY 


158 


to a casual observer in my laboratory 
they would have appeared to be absolute 
ly inert. 

As the reader will have surmised, I 


was not exempt from this slowing 
process. Subjectively, T was not aware of 
it at all, bur by timing my actions 


gainst an external check, such as the 
rotations of my wateh’s hands, 1 could 
sec only too well that my movements 
had become increasingly slower. The al- 
teration continued in the same snowball- 
ing fashion as with my pets, and now I 
no longer need anything as delicate as a 
dock to remind myself of my condition. 
match fast enough to 
c it. By comnting the sunrises and 
sets through the window, I deter- 
ned that it took me nine days to 
ge my typewriter so that I could type 
this note. 

I determined to end my lile after what 
might seem a trivial enough. incident. T 
gave Three a banana. and observed that 
it took him an entire afternoon to. cel 
He looked so contented, so blissfully 
unaware of his snail-paced condition, that 
1 began to tugh at him. My laughter 
became hysterical, and 1 ended by 
crying. 1 have no idea how long ago this 
happened, as I have lost all track of 
time, ordinary time. lt has become a 
foreign thing to me. 

e no p 
One, Two 


I cannot. strike 
ign 


l can s 


becoming a 
and Three 


comical object. 
now look like so many stuffed monkeys 
and 1, without any doubt, would also 


come to resemble a particularly success- 
ful example of the taxidermist’s art, 
were I to allow myself to survive. 1 have 
no intention of doing so. I shall now 
take the gun, which T have placed beside 
my typewriter, and blow out my brains 
with it, I wonder how long it will take 
me to do it? As L said, the situation is 
not without iron 


Thus ends the manuscript of Doctor 
Arness. The last page remains, as you 
can see for yourself in the exhibit, rolled 
iu the platen of his typewriter. The 
placement of the typewriter in relation 
to the gun, the table, the chair, and to 
Arness himself is exactly the 
same as when he and the objects were 
discovered in his laboratory. Although 
Doctor Arness appears to be—to use his 
hagic description—"stu[jed." he is not. 
He is alive, in good health, and he is 
moving. His index finger, even now, is 
actually approaching the final "y" in 
“irony,” although at a speed that can be 
measured ouly with the most delicate of 
Doctor. Arnes is 20 


Doctor 


instruments now 
years old. 

The animals referred to in his manu- 
script are also all alive and well, and 
may be seen in the Hall of Mammals. 
Attractive models of chimpanzees One, 
Two and Three have been created, and 
they ave available, in various sizes, at the 
Museum Curio Shop. 


“I don't know anything about pornography, 


but 1 know what 1 like. 


ECRET SERVICE 


(continued from page 96) 


S 


promised the pale CIA op chief as he 
unscrewed his belt buckle to remove 
tube, squirting its contents on the hole 
in Goshen's left shoulder. "Is cherry 
salve. My mom used to schmear it on 
every wound we kids ever had." Directly 
he applied it, the cherry salve drew the 
bullet from the flesh with a pop and the 
ragged edges beg: ery trace 
of the wound disappeared in a te 
onds, induding an 
mark and a tattoo. 
"You missed your calling. Mr. Bond.” 
the mystery woman remarked. “Those 
long, tapering fingers should be heal 
en, not ending their lives with 
blows. 
Bond, pl: 
the Simulac. 


Karate 


icing Goshen in the rear of 
| "You seem 10 know all 


about me, Miss Lawrence, which gives 
you an advantage, since I know nothing 
about you.” The gray cyes challenged 
hers “And ld like to—very 
much." 
“Moum Latakia and ride with me. 
. Bond, and we can discourse as I 


guide your auto out of the Cisshah. 

Ordering Neon to take the wheel, 
Bond accepted a white gloved hand and, 
with the fluidity of the high hurdler. 
sprang onto the veiled beauty's mount. 

The cool, musical voice was respectful. 
"You seem 10 be no stranger to a hump, 


Mr. Bond. 
“That expertise, Miss Lawrence, 
something I hope you'll have complet 


knowledge of somed: he sallied, and 
drew an appreciative chuckle trom her. 
You have a rapier wit to match that 
the. muscular body, Mr. Bond." She 
touched Latakia's ear and whispered, “On- 
rd, noble ship of the desert.” Latakia. 
moved forward with an undulating mo- 
on that lulled them both into a state of 
euphoria. As they rode, Bond encircled 
Sarah's waist, his fingertips tingling with 
a strange sensation never before known 
to him. Gottenu! he thought, now it’s 
happening on camets! 

“Tam a twenty-fourth cousin by mar- 
of the famed wrence who. 
ern his- 

precise, clipped 
little girl on our 
ancestral estate, Dun Rovin, which is 
siwared in the center of ghe triangle 
formed by Saxonshire, Normanshire and 
Brokenshire, 1 regaled by Pater’s 
tales of my cousin's exploits in Arabia 
and vowed to make a pilgrimage to the 
arca one day to retrace his glorious foot- 
steps. A child's silly longing, I. suppose, 
and | more or less had forgotten it be 
the multifarious — activities 
allorded members of my class. Pater was 
an M. P. for the constituencies of Sussex, 
Wessex and Essex and. 

“Perhaps.” Bond interjected, "you'd 
be interested in the benefits of a locale 


her 


canse of 


dear to me—My Sex?" 
ond! You are an 
To continue: As the 
wod gentry, I went 
through the usual rounds, riding to the 
hunt with my wained pointers, Alpo and 
Thrive. humdrum semesters at. the ex- 
clusive Miss Fenton's School for the 
Bored, where I majored: in ballet, paint 
ing, fencing and class hatred. There was 
ever a shortage of d. switins for 
the beautiful, accomplished daughter of 
an M. P. Mr. Bond, and 1 was constantly 
turning down marriage proposals. from 
such Ronald Duckblind, 
Brenlleck Coddingfeathe i 
most soughvalter young 
rvin of Throneberry, Despite the tat- 
attention, | sensed the innaic 
s of this decaying way of Dile. 
y ennui did not escape the shrewd eyes 
of Rector Justin-Tyme. Mother, spiritual 
mher 
ms of an. 
1 go 10 
© up the 


of our Angl 
he heard 
impressionable girl, sai 
the Middle East 
left undone by nec of Arib 
However, there was much to be dear 
belore 1 could come here—the art of rid- 
ing a camel, for instance, which 1 
tered alter many months of practice 
riding on a carousel ar Blackpool. Eng- 
land's most renowned armorer, Major 
Minor, taught me to handle rifle 
arms and. medium 
schooled in the 
by Ibn T 
Middle " 
dressed. for the desert by Muslim. D'Ior 
and taught to exist on a mere lndlul of 
tanna deaves a day. 1 came to. Sahid Saki- 
a year ago and introduced myself 10 
Hakmir and rhe leaders of the Kinds 
and Wheys, meeting. first with i 
d the presence of n 

omg. Having seen rhe picture, 
convinced I deed, Law- 
rence's kin. [twas only this ha 
miration, Mr. Bond, thar 
Kurds halt their attempt to 
King Baldroi back in the 
Kurdish leader told me he had received 
report to the effect that Li 
impostor, a wder to the 
throne, and that a real pretender to 
the throne was about w arrive in 
his Groove. 
This smacks of Tesi 
the way, Miss 
In the next few m 
recap of his adventures, including. the 
savage showdown with James Bund. de 
Ad descriptions of the episodes with 
Vine and Indira Mookerjie, and 
v in for good measure the Loxlinger 
amd Matzohball cases, plus his entire 
sexual history. 

As she stirred in his arms during cer- 
i portions of the saga. he thought, 
Shes all worked up. Before 
ating creature will be 
What a find! Beauty, 


side 


rockets: | was 
aleas of Arabic 
rd, dean of the Institute. of 


andiwork all 
Bond growled. 


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warmth, a “dass broad" from Great 
Britain with a real upbringing. She's the 
only woman worthy of your love. name, 
number and license to kill, Oy Oy Sev- 
cn. A man needs to sink roots someday, 
and maybe I'm too far over the hill ro 
stay in this racket any lor I've al- 
y sel the deaths of almos five 
dozen good folks. This magnificent wom- 
an in my xleem me, uplift me 
and maybe, since it’s obvious she's load- 
cd, set me up in my own class shoe salon 
(nothing bur IL Millers and M 
Walkers) in Brooklyn, True, Ive sworn 
to my sainted mother that IIl never 
place a wedding band on any finge 
cept that of a Daughter of SI 
that too can be worked out. I know the 
moment ] take h Lawrence of Ara- 
bia in a way she's never known before, 
she'll see the ultimate value of Judaism 
and conver with celerity. Wonder if 
Milton'll give me a 25-percent discount 
on the wedding at the Pinochle Royale? 
He should, really—I'm his brother and 
besides I saved the joint for him and I 
think I'd be justified in telling him so. 

He was already under the traditional 
with Sarah Lawrence of Arabia, 
the rabbi intoning the ancient marriage 
conuact, when her scent nudged him 
hack to Sahd Sakistan. "It's driving me 
wild. Miss Lawrence. What is i 

“A special blend, Evening with Prof 
mo, made for me by Maitland of More- 
land Street. I am pleased at its effect o 
your olfactory sense, But we arc at the 
Road of the Feculent Fi nd ] shall 


¢ my leave.” 
He slid off Las 
the cs 


ia and motioned for 
10 halt "shall E sec you again, 
wrence of Arabia? There are 
things a man and a maid must talk of 
and they are best said by moonlight.” 
For another 120 seconds biuk and 
iy eyes fished fire and desire into two 
the rim of 


nother, his cross lire caus 
her veil to smolder, hers turning his 
Falon zipper into red-hot mesh, charring 
his Arrow briefs. "Some aim high for 
happiness, Mr. Bond, while others . - 
She left her proverb unfinished, but its 
corollary proposition was quite clear. 

"You haven't answered me, Miss L 
rence.” His voice was husky, his hands 
betraying his febrile state by abrasive 
motions that expunged the life lines 
from his palms. 

"hr is my wont to be cach night at 
ninethinty at the Oasis of the Seven 
Mentholated Consumptives to commune 
with the spirits of the desert, Good day, 
Mr. Bond.” 

“One thing Mis Lawrence. 
Learn Hebrew. You'll need it the rest of 
your life, because, Miss Lawrence, from 
this moment on, it’s you for me, babe 
-.. only two for tea, babe . . 

Was that a sigh breaking through the 
reserve? He was not to 


w: 


more, 


glacial British 
know. She issued a command and La- 
takia galloped off into the distance, the 


sun transforming the rider into molten 
gold. 

Well. Oy Oy Seven, she's named thc 
uysting place, he thought. An oasis by 
moonlight—in the company of a heaven- 
sent woman—it can be the kind of cata 
clysmic joining of kindred souls to be 
found only in those Kathleen Winsor re 
prints you keep buy 

Gouenu! He breathed and, to some 
how dispel the unendurable passion 
surging through his marrows, he swung 
his bronze, muscular ann and struck 
Neon Zion in the face, splitting op 
riled subordinate's lips. "Someday. 
when you're a man of the world, 
you'll understand." 

“I have composed another verse,” pro- 
claimed LeFagel. Goshen drove on, im- 
mesed in some memory of his New 
England childhood, muttering “Happi 
ness is a harpoon in a white whale." Neon 
Zion, possessed of youth's happy resil- 
jence, was on his 70s in paddle ball, the 
puk-puk-puk of the ball furnishing a sur- 
realistic punctuation to the recitation. 


On a ghostly night of yore, 

A man tapped on my chamber door, 

H was cold out, so 1. granted him a 
haven. 

He sail, “Kind sir, my name is Poe, 

“And Vve been searching high and 
low, 

“Tell me please, sir, have you seen 
my efling raven?” 


Good-o! Not a dot of deviation in 
that one, Bond thought, and in an irre- 
pressible gevure of good will he jabbed 
his potent left at LeFagel, drawing two 
fonts of claret from. the rulers mashed 
nose. Le ince of 
the heartfelt and 
turned a shy smile that held no sugges 
tion of elleminacy whatsoever. 

But the air of camaraderie lew away 
like a hightened sparrow when Bond, 
leaning out of the rear window, spotted 
the white edifice at the very end of the 
shoreline road. “Is that i 

"Shivs." The CIA op chief spat it out 
and saw the old deadly look, the smiling 
Just for battle diit imparted a murderous 
glow to the gray eyes and the dark, 
cruelly handsome face. 1 know what be's 
thinking, Goshen ruminated. He's think- 
ing the enemy's in there, the ghoulish 
krauts who've killed and cippled his 
comrades, blown up his people's vittles, 
and my ol” fire-cating buddy is dying to 
go in there and have at them, But | 
spoke to M, Z and Op Chief Beame via 
the carrier's Ship "N Shore Blue Denim 
Network and I know what the odds are 
of getting the goods on Tusti—maybe a 
million to onc—and even Oy Oy Seven, 
the man 1 and the whole 
come to woni 
alive. I'm an —the only di 
off all year is Madalyn Murray 
day—but if I were the pra 


have 


workl 


Take 
birth 
, Fd 


offer one right now for Ereu Isracl, the 
Land of Palms and Pledges, and Secret 
Agent Isracl Bond, the neatest guy PH 
ever know, 

“They were cruising through the mod- 
section of Baghs-Groove. flashing by 
giam E. J. Korvette store, 
League Harem Boys Club, a movie thea- 
ter adver Gidget Meets the Loved 
One and then the Simulac swerved into 
a palmaree-lined driveway up to the & 
trance of the U.S. embas 
ng for them with a pasted-on 
a gaunt, sun-reddened man 


er 


and Redd Foxx safari beret, who 
duced himself as Tender N. Callowfel- 
the ambassador, amd promised a 
fit for a"—he began to chuckle— 
^ So it was, the braised sloth paws 
Bosco-flavored rmenlom- 
bardo, fluoridated sauce- 
even the most jaded taste buds, washed 
down with vin scully '94 from the vine 
yards of Chavez Ravine, and “of course, 
your Majesty, Ambassador Scotch"—he 
chuckled again—'on the rocks 

^p think," said Ambassador Callowfel- 
low, pulling a bell rope, “it’s time for 
AMierDiuner. Mintz, Ah, there you are, 
Minz. my man." A short, white-haircd 
oldster entered and served them pun 
gent circles of Certs on heated. Pacific 
plywood skewe: 
Goshen and Bond spent the next hour 
discussing the job at hand, while Callow- 
fellow and the king retired to the fo 
ner’s study for a chat about the upcom- 


ig coronation 
“Tve splendid news,” beamed Callow 
fellow. re-entering. “His Majesty has 


consented 10 have An a host his coro- 
ion the Sahd Sakistani emi 
cated jn die Empire State Buildi 
w York. It will serve to remind the 
world of th abreakable link berw 
our respective nations, and will have the 
henefit of our superior news coverage. 
Fm terribly excited about it 

“L as well.” retorted the brighteyed 
monarch, pressing the ambassador's hand 
in fond [arewell, and then departing for 
lis new h be 

The palace of the Iate King Hak 
was an uptodate Alhambra of co 
harrylimestone, with graceful. Florsheim 
arches. and Winchell columns. In. the 
front. lined on two sides by vivid purple 


rows of San Fernando Valley eggplants. 
was an immense swim pool on 
whose surface floated sprigs of wollbanc 


and spiderwort nibbled at by chancring 
les cranes and a rare merv gryphon. 
Overhead winged a pinkish herb. jeffries 
flamingo like a flame in the sky, It 
over the enclave to its lover n 
the entrance was a pewter st 
e monarch, from whose opened mouth 
a spray of provocative Vegamato. 


said Goshen, “lor God's sake, 
don't uy anything foolish. Shivs, as far 
as the world knows, is a perfectly 


“On second thought, I think TIl 
dig mine a little deeper." 


respectable outfit that pays its taxes 
keeps its nose clean, You can't go in 
there like Gang Busters without proof 
Anyway. your job's keeping his Majesty 
here safe and sound. TH be in touch, 
fella. See you lutei 

"Wouldrt think of it, Monroe. 
ol Rockport chowderhead." 
pledged, throwing a salute to the de 
ing CIA op chief. Once inside the ro 
suite, he told Neon, “Keep Tabs on him 
—or regular Coke. if you're not watching 
your calories," amd was rewarded by 
13's prolonged laughter. He showered 
with distilled Culligan rain water, applied 
cypressscented No Sweat, the deodor- 


you 
Bond 
m 


ant that checks unseemly perspiration 
by destroying the ls that produce 
it, to his virile armpits, and domed 


a hewyduty Hai 
sap, a pair of. Regi 


m Poppa Jacques 
ld Gardiner Lice 
an wd Krishna Menon 
waistcom ol bleeding madras, Andalu- 
sian bedsocks, slung on his new paisley 
shoulder holster with e of Lavi Ha 
Lavi's deadly new occupants inside, used 
Heshtoned Tuck Tape to sirip the In 
stant Cold Rolled — Extra 
h Steel tool to his calf. put on the 
Korveite’s luau car coat, and swallowed 
izing 
piin ahead) and 12 Benzedrine tablets (if 
there was to be pain, he wanted 10 stay 
awake and enjoy it to the fulles 
was, after all, as much a part of lile as 
pk ) 

You're going on a job, Oy Oy Seven, 


sunslax. 


Processed 


ast orders.” A shocked. Neon said it 
“Just forget what you've seen, kid." 
Bond snarled. "Em going to take the 
MBG for a little spin. If I just happen 
to lose my way and it just happens to 
stop at Shivs, well...” 

As the exhaust from the MBG's quad 
ruple pipes singed the Portland Ceme 
driveway to the main road, the Togl 
that had been parked behind the p 
garage Tor nwo hours eased out 
heep-beepbeep of the bomer on 
MBG made the four swarthy 
exchange evil gri 

From 1000 feet up in a helicopter, 
the two cars seemed to Brown | 
seas, Bond's a silverfish, the Tesi vehicle 
a ladybug. The flapping of the huge sign 
being towed by the chopper was a dis 
turbance the giant Negro CLA agent 
had long since gouen uscd to. It told the 


the 
men 


people below: You ARE ONLY srt; MILES 
FROM FLORIDA'S FAMOUS. STUCKEY'S, TH 
OME OF DELICIOUS PECANS, SOUVENIRS 
AND PASSIONATE PAGAN LOVE RITES N 
TWEEN SEMINOLE. INDIANS AND GIANT Al- 
Ligators. A perfect cover, he knew 
Stuckey’s advertising was famous the 
world over and no sion 
its presence in the M 

Goshen's orders 10 Brow been 
sucina: "Eve just deft Be the 


palace to guard King Baldroi, bur he’ 
got the smell of fire and brimstone on 


him and 1 know damn well he's going to 


g him by choppe 
h waggling in his sensual lips. 


161 


162 tn Soup with Noodles 


that could mean either. life or 
for his adopted country. En- 
grossed in fantasies of revenge, he did 


not pay proper attention to the fork in 
the road, berating himself as he saw he'd 
veered off the main shoreline drive and 
onto a bumpy spur whose route shunted 
the unwary driver into the hellish fur 
nace of the desert, 

"You stupid, albeit dark, cruelly hand- 
he railed at himself, but 
ion faded from his lips 
when he siw the blinking red light or 
the power ashtray whose interior secret- 
ed his radio hookup. He pressed Buon 
175, the ashuay swiveled, hurling two 
dozen Raleigh buus into his lap, some 
still smoldering, but there was no timc 
to growe about petty discomfort, for the 
radio was in full view. a tiny vleep-vleep- 
vicep coming from the cantilevered coils. 


Forget the "stupid," make that 
modifier "lucky," he grinned, kis i 
reflection in the minor. T 


turn had been providential. He had 
picked up a homer concealed on some 
car in the area. HE he'd su 

straight course, he'd never have noticed 
it. And he blessed the slipshod, amateur- 
ish side of his nature that so often had 
stood. him in good stead. 

He gave the MBG's gus pedal the full 
weight of his right Andalusian bedsock 
and she escalated 10 156.6, her extragrip 
Firestone tires more than a match for the 

icking sand. With dismay he heard the 
vlecp-vlecp-vlecp. dying out and on 
hunch made a d3-degree turn olf the 
spur onto the desert itself, gunning her 
up to 176.2. There was a squashy sound: 
he looked back at the mangled burro 
and its nomadic rider splayed out under 
the merciless sun. His forefinger punched 
Button 200 and he saw the canteen of 
nid the medical handbook jet from 
r into the poor fellow's broken 
s got a 2050 
ce of survival now, he exulted. 

Alarmed by the diminution of the 
MBG's homer, the wailing Dagro two 
miles back abo played a vight-hand-turn 
hunch, a hideous grin splitting the 
achet face as ihe beep-heep-beep 
pulsed. bac 

Bond's airborne tag shook his head 
ncredulity at the scene below, two 
igh-powered chargers whipping up dust 


d on a 


water 


storms as they tore madly around 
round in a three-mile-wide circle. It was 
dear now—the MBG had also been 
“homered,” without his knowledge. 


Time to end He switched on the spe- 
cial channel used by the CIA and M 33 
and 1/3 10 contact each other. The 
genis in the Togliaui might hear it, t00, 
bur unless they had a Nicklaus seram- 
bler, which was unlikely, they would get 
gibberish. 

“Brow! 


Shoes and Black Sox to Chick 
- Brown Shoes 


to Chicken 
come in, please 


oup with 


Bond understood the recognition sig- 
l at once and listened to the CIA tag 
the ground. 


analyze the dilemma on 
"Good-o! Brown Shoe 
Chicken Soup with ) 
edges. Out. 

He halted the MBG and clambered 
up the burning side of 
He could see an arrow of dust streaking 
his way, estimated the Togliani’ i 


s driver 
wore a Timex. From the shoulder hol- 
ster he liberated Ha Lavi's scaled-down 
version of the Am touched 
the eraser on his Ticonderoga pencil, 
which split the pencil tripod, and 
mounted the weapon on it with his left 
hand, sliding the cordovan Hickok belt 
out of the loops of his sunslax with the 
right, He reversed the belt. ts hidde: 
side contained 100 notches, in each nes 
ued a steel-jacketed denizen of death. 
Better take a closer look, the CLA man 
thought, and he brought the chopper 


down 750 fect. Yup, the crazy bastard’s 
spoiling for it, like Goshen said. Gonna 
take on four of ‘em by himself. Guess 


he’s everything he's cracked up to be. 
Better get down there and backstop him. 

The glint of the sun on the MBG's 
silvery roof tipped off the Dagro in the 
pursuing Togliatti. He braked it 50 yards 
from the dune and the doors flew open, 
the four occupants diving into the sand. 
Bond, feeding the Hickok belt through 
the Anna Sten, opened up and heard 
screams from. two of them. The Dagro 
grabbed at his chest and pitched forward 
on his face: a second, whose racial stock 
recognizable for the moment, was 
o out of it, blood gushing from his 
forehead. Bond gave the remaining duo, 
without question Swegroes, a long burst. 
From the thumps he knew he'd put a 
Feast ten slugs in cach. Not good enougl 
buddy boy, not good enough. It takes a 
damn sight more than ten slugs to stop a 
Swegro, he knew 

The Swegroes jabbered at 
for a second, the 
toward the dune, leaving, dreadful c 
son trails on the white sand. He emp- 
tied the belt, certain he'd pierced Swego 
flesh again from the howls of vexation. 
But they kept coming. And he was out 
of 


From his vantage point he could see 
them dragging their riddled bodies inch 
by inch up the dune, their eyes malevo- 
at jewels. “Don't come another step 
closer or you'll regret it!" Bond cried. “I 
ver inoculated for chicken. pox.” 
answer was contemptuous 
laughter; they dug their octopuslik 
hands deeper imo the white powder, “By 
mpin' yiminy, we gwine cut you . 
"hey hit the top at the same time, 
w steely hands tipping Bond and 
sending him tumbling down the dunc. 
His head struck the MBG's rear fender. 


Tes all over, he thought bleakly as the 


Swegroes loomed over him. their faces 
widened by triumphant smiles. There 
was a flash of something metallic and 


the point of a knife bit through the luau 


t imo the waistcoat. 
Suddenly the Swegrocs were upright 
no more. Both were on their knees 


clutching their guts, sull yelling defiance. 
ive feet stood a powerful Negro. 


his lips in a gelid grin, bluish smoke 
rising from the muzle of a Lucky 
‘Thompson submachine gun. “Stay down, 


Mr. Bond The ‘Thompson chartered 
gain, planting 50 slugs in cach Swegro, 
driving them to their backs. The smaller 
of the Swegroes looked up at the gunner 

» sorrow. "You could yust stop it. I tink 
ne die now, baby.” And the brown 
lids rolled over the blue pools. 


again, e charge at the 
CIA man, the stecly fingers gouging into 
the man's throat. Bond could hear the 
newcomers framtic gruns and he i 
nored the claret streaming down his side, 
pulled himself into a sitting position 
and snatched at a gun in the dead Swe- 
gro's hip holster. He put five bullets into 
the attacking Swegro’s back. heard a 
roan and saw the man topple. 

"You all right, buddy?" Bond said, 
then: “Watch it!” The CIA man spun 
to meet the Swegro's second charge, side 
stepped it and retrieved the Thompson. 

The Swegro tumed, screamed, ^De- 
fiance! Defiance! Defiance!” took a round 
in the heart and lungs, clawed futilely at 
the CIA man, then muttered to himself, 
“Why should 1 do all the mothering 
work?” and fell on his face again. 

"Don't go near him,” Bond shouted. 
He staggered 10 the MBG. took 
mentation grenade from the glove coi 
pariment and waved his ally away. He 
pulled the pin and shorpuucd it onto 
the Swegr 

A minute after the explosion, the CIA 
man sniffed at the remains. "Well, there's 
le fight left in him, but damn little, 
Mr. Bond. Let's make sure. 

From the sleeve of his trench coat he 
wrested off a button and placed it in the 
Swegro's mouth. He folded his arms and 


ali 


That's it. There was enough cyanide 
t that button to kill a hundred and for 
ty thousand people, the populatie 
haven, Germany. 
n their eyes popped, The guucd 
ound that had. b. Swegro stirred. 
nd the mouth said, “The atest census 
puts Bremerhaven’s population at a 
hundred and fifty thousind. Defiance! 
They heard a throat 
- Then all was still. 
There was no doubt no 
s dead. 


;gdhe Swegro 


w: 


Bond inhaled his 519th Ra 


igh of the 


day. "He was a tough one,” he said. 

His rescuer nodded. "Swegroes usually 
are. Frankly, 1 don't know why the other 
one copped out so easy. Let's give a 
look." He gave the corpse a meticulous 
examination. “Look what I found in his 
back. A knife, and I'd say it was in at 
least six inches. Yours, Mr. Bond?” 

“Hell, no." 

"Wait, there's c on the hilt 
"Property of Colonel Stuart Bentall. 
M. L 5E heard about him; British agent. 
But he's been dead for ten years. Which 
means this laddie’s been toting a pigstick. 
cr in his back since 1956 or earlier. I 
guess one of our bullets must have driven 
the point into a vital organ." 

Bond was kneeling by the two dead 
men near the Togliaui. “Not a mark on 
the Dagro. He must have succumbed 
from [right: Dagroes can't take it too 
well. Other one looks like a Bulgar or 
maybe a Bulgro. I got him all right. My 
initials, L B., are in his forehead.” 

“Hey, Mr. Bond! You've been hit." 

Goshen’s giant saw Bond touch the 
sticky mess dribbling from his side and a 
profound sadness humanize the cruelly 
handsome face. “It’s my waistcoat, made 
of bleeding madras.” Bond said. "Tt took 
the brunt of the knife, saved. my life." 
He cradled the garment in his muscular 
arms, knelt, scooped a hole in the sand 
and placed the waistcoat inside. “You 
know any decent words to say in Hindi 
or Urdu? No? Well, lll just say some- 
thing from my heart, that's all.” He 
looked at the forlorn little mound of 
sand. "Vou were a good waistcoat. If 
there's some kind of a Laundromat for 
waistcoats where gentle non-Communist 
Chinks never use harsh detergents, 1 hope 
ihars where you're headed. Shalom." 

Bond picked up his Hickok belt and 
Korveue's luau car coat. “Since I owe 
you my life, I 
order, partner. But you know me al- 
ready." His grin was boyish, guilty. 
‘Goshen didn't trust me, huh 
The rugged CIA agent shrugged. 
“Well, you know Goshen.” He prolleicd 
a shovel-sized hand. ^o James 
Brown, CIA agent Seven-Eleven. The 
bigot who assigned me that number said 
it was a ‘natural’ because so many of my 
people are expert. crapshooters." 

"Makes no difference to me, Jimbo,” 
Bond siid. "I read Ebony magazine all 
the time; Willie Mays is my favorite 
ballplayer, and if a fine, clean-cut Negro 
moved next door, say a Diahann Carroll 
Nancy Wilson, Lena Horne, Barb 
McNair or a Leslie Ugga 
hell wouldn't go running to a realtor 
with a forsale sign in my hand.” 
“Youre an OK fay.” Brown's initial 

ness was gone, dissipated by the 
ardhitting clarification 


n; 


ess introductions are in 


ns, T sure as 


Israeli's frank, 
of his position. 

“And youre OK, too—in spades,” 
Bond flipped back, drawing a hearty 
gulíaw from Brown, who added seriously: 


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traditional sport shirts by LANCER of California i f 163 


PLAYBOY 


164 


“So you're really going to bust into 
Shivs 

"Got 10," Bond said, his jaw muscles 
bulging. He filled James Brown in on 
the caper, including bis savage show- 
down with James Bund. threw in the 
Loxfinger and Matzohball. sagas, but left 
out the detailed descriptions of the epi. 
sodes with Liana and Indira and his en- 
tire sexual history. No sense cluttering 
up Brown's head with irrelevant infor 
mation, he reasoned, 

They got into the MBG. Bond used 


Button 61 to lob a brace of Calgrenades, 
h blew the Togliani 
and the helicopter to bits. "Can't leave 


messy dese nbo. Let's go. 

“Hold it, pal. I have some data on the 
n thar might prove helpful. The top 
floor is for the personal use of the Shivs 
directorate. There's a conference room 
and the rest are individual suites for 
Auntie and Heinz SemHeidt, Holz 
knicht and the other seven. Third floor's 
for the houschold guard and the service 
corps. Second's for selected. gues 
spenders who get free lodging 
—no bargain, ‘cause Shivs gets 
back and then some in the casino, which 
is on the first floor. Heinz runs the 
Guerre Room. He wins big, too, Seven 
others run the rest of the gambling. Oni 
Auntie and Holrknicht are never found 
in the casino, God knows what she docs. 
lab upstairs 
round. One bit ol good 

no Swegroes inside 


He's got some kind of a 
where he fools 
news—there 


are 


Shivs, "cause they might scare the custom- 
ers away and the help, too. Bulgars, 
Bulgroes, Dagroes, Spigroes, Sp 
they do the strongarm work. And then 
they have the dogs.” 

“Dog 

“Yup. Hohenzollerns." 

“Jesus!” All right, buddy boy, he ex- 
coriated himself. So they have Hohenzol- 
lerns. And maybe more beasties that go 
bump in the night. You didn't think you 
were going to hear Ronald Reagan do 
readings Irom A. A. Milne, did you 

“In [ront of Shivs is the guest area, 
swimming pool, patio, bar, etc. As this 
map shows, it's rather small in compar- 
ison to the rest of the grounds. It's closed 
olf by a 20-foot-high fence. I guess the 
management doesn’t want them snoop- 
ing around the rest of the estate. As for 
internal security, you must assume the 
rooms are bugged and that every non- 
est hasn't got your personal interest 
at heart 

CIA agent Brown's account of the hor- 
rors within those walls cast a. pall over 
both of them as they motored silently 
their eyes peering through the mist 
along the shore for the first glimpse of 


oi 


the witch's lair. 

"Stop "er, Mr. Bond." F 
the voice, robbed it of its robustness. 
“We're about two hundred. yards away. 
ase enough. 
Israel Bond lit a Raleigh 
rdonie smile that 


r constricted: 


ad noticed 


with a s 


“First we hold free elections, then we establish our 


oun byla 


and then, somehow, we ve 


got to get affiliated with a national fraternity.” 


Raleigh he'd ever smoke? Some people 
wouldn't consider the prospect forebod 
but they 


ing in the least, he knew, 
weren't secret agents walking into the 
mouth of hell. "If 1 don't make it, Jim 


bo, you'll find a couple of thousand ciga 
rette coupons in the trunk. See that M 
gets "em." 

When Bond heard the truck grinding 
along the sandy path, he crouched: be 
hind a dump of spiny sarajevo cacti. As 
it puttered by, he saw the sign on its 
side, maps LAUNDRY, and then saw it 
siop at the rear pate. 

Praying the squish, squish, 
the Andalusian bedsocks on ihe sand 
would not be heard over the idling m 
tor, he raced to the back of the truck, h 
Vicks 41 in his right hand, put the point 
of it against the lock and blew it oif. the 
Silentium. Silencer muflling the dis- 
charge. He dove into a pile of something 
white and fragrant and closed the doc 
behind him. his trained Double Oy nose 
telling him he had landed on a Rinso 
wash. Good-o! I've made a dean sta 

Bond heard the driver and the guard, 
the latter’s soft, slurring speech indicat 
ing its owner was a Bulgro, exchang 
es, one of them with the punch 
agyot maggot,” and he tore up a 
Jackie Kannon towel in anger. God- 
damnit! That one was getting around too 
fasi! There was no time to pencil the 
1 of his notebook of goodies, fe 
the ruck was moving again, He heard 
the ominous clang of the dosing gate. 

OK, Shivs, I'm inside, he thought. 1 
ask no quarter and 1 give no quarter. 

‘Then he snickered at his Gung Ho- 
Don Winslow-Captain Midnight brava 
do. Big deal! These days, what the hell 
cin you do with a quarter? 


squish of 


Through a small window in the rear 
door he could they were passing 
through an area darkened by trees and 
thick foliage. He flung the door open and 
sprang onto a cobbled roadway. the 
pact sending a joh of pain through his 
Andalusian bedsocks. He heard the clat 
ter of the tuck die. AIL was still. save for 
the ming of bees, the chirping of 
“katydid! karydid'" from one part of 
t, a scornful answering “Yenteh! 
another. 


see 


the fore: 
Yenteh! 
The squeak of wheels coming up the 


from 


path sent him on a headlong dive into 
the nearest bush. He cursed himself for 
his precipitance, for he'd landed 
chipango plam whose spearlike shoots 
cut open his right check. The smell of 
his typeA blood sickened and fright 
ened him. What if the dogs scented i 

A spasm went through his body when 
he heard the doggerel crooned by the 
ino 


E 


voice, 


“Fee, fie, foe, foo, 
I smell the blood of a lurking Jew." 


He was looking into the mustard 
yellow orbs of Auntie Sem-Heidt. 


She sat in her wheelchair, her chalky 
face looking as though it had been fash- 
ioncd from a thousand graveworm bel 
ics sewn together. Her clawlike fingers 
stroked the lifegiving battery on her lap 
with a repulsive fondness, The wig she 
1 chosen this afternoon was algae 
matched by a similar tint on her 
vand-black. house 
is someone in the forest, Hei 
licber € A small animal 
perhaps, or the wind." mate stood 
by her side, stuffing Burgerbits into his 
cave of à mouth, his profane blimp of a 
body garbed in a Bavarian mountain 
climber's costume, whitelace dickey, red- 
velvet shorts and suspenders, the piano 
legs in lederhosen and red-leather Mary 
Jane sandals. "Let us continue our 
constitutional.” 
we shall stop hu 
t Locksley, a muffin, bitte." 
The dwarf in the jester's outfit seemed 


rda. 


for a 


mo- 


pleased at being able to service his 
inistress. He took a muffin from he 
pocket and inserted it between the 


electromagnetic coils. Is scent filtered 
through the shoots to Bond's nose, en- 
ticing at first, then acrid, and he heard 
Auntie Sem-Heidt's invectives. “Cursed 
gnome! You have burned my mufhr 
Heinz, my knout 

The scrawny aim lashed ou. with sur- 
prising power, the metal p of the 
knout thudding against Locksley's bac 
Enough, Gerda. You will kill the crea 
une,” Heinz said. “A good dwarf nowa 
days is hard to find.” 

She acknowledged his wisdom. Lock 
ley expressed his gratitude for the cesa 
tion of the llagellation with a ca 
during which he clapped his h: 
eral times. It drew a whinny of approval 
from his mistress 

Your gyrations have pleased me, dear 
freak.” The daws patted the puckered 
apple of a face. “L shall reward you with 
ce to see Auntie Gerda’s little toy. 


a cl 


Behold!” She spread open the house 
dress and the dwarf did a triple cart 
wheel this tim 

Gottenu! The Israelis gray eyes did 
canwheels of their own. Z's voice 
echoed: “He gave li nal plastic 


1 it works." 

If his own heart had not been pound- 
ing so stridently, he would have heard 
the rush of a aa” 
just before the 
bulle. Gevaldi? He could not stille the 
cry as the teeth and horn pencuaied his 
ight shoulder. “I was correct!" the iron 
voice called. "There is an intruder! The 
dog has flushed him. 

A P3»pound steclribbed | Hohenzol- 
lern, the part-German shepherd, pari- 
German sheep bred by the 8S during 
the Forties in the Black Forest for sentry 
duty and ferreting out downed Allied 
fiers, ag at his throat, the 
foulsmelling saliva now mixed with 
Bond's blood. dripping from the Langs. 


he 


“baa 


was worr 


He could sce the oi 
the thick white mushiroc 
skull and the hard lance of a unihorn: 
Hohenzollerus, nervous, unstable, as apt 
to tug out a friend's throat a: my: 
Man and beast were rolling over 
over. both raked by spines and shoots, 
the former's right elbow taking the fury 
of the teeth. Bond's lelt hand. grasped 
the stem of the woolen mushroom and 
pulled it over the creature's mad-dog 
cyes, blinding it for a vital second, then 
th a superhuman ellort drove the ar 
mal against the trunk of a tee. There 
was a yelp and the spine snapped. 
Ignoring the claret pouring out of his 
mangled arm and shoulder, he ran 
deeper imo the brush, lor a chorus of 
baaaas told him the whole pack had 
been set loose on his bloody wail. 
Gouenu! Fire ams, aazed by the 
odor of blood, were sliding down little 
poles and swarming out of their hills. 
He brushed a loathsome phalanx off his 
body, but nor before the pincers had 
carved our another chunk of shoulder. 
Then Bond heard the baying of the 
Hohenzollems and he wembled as he 
pushed his torn body through cacti 
thornbushes and Wilkinson swordgr 
his Korvette’s luau car coat in shreds. 
The terrain. grew soft, rhen—splash! 
—he was kncedeep in a slimy pond, i 
muddy brown slowly stained red by his 


ind. 


d g wounds, Brown, red—and now 
silver! A silvery mass darting across 
the water—Gortenu!—voracious yellow 


tecth were ripping into his legs. 
Somehow he managed to stumble to 
the other side, avoiding the snapping 
jaws of a jacare, the Brazi " 
which he dispatched by emptying all of 
his Vicks 41 slugs into its eyes. There was 
n0 ume to skin the creature to compen- 
sate himsel! for part of this ordeal by 
treating himself to a fine pair of Amazo- 
nian bedsocks (150 quasars retail il they 
were a farthingale), because the reb 
eyed, steelfanged Hohenzollerns, six of 
them, came through the thicket to the 
opposite side of the pond. “What a 
Bond said. looking av the body of 
jacare with regret, and turned 
to meet the new challenge 
Though they growled aud thrust at 
the air with their uniri 
charge the pond. They know 
what's in there, he thought. Gor to make 
"em mail enough 10 do it. Another. psy- 
dhological-warlare bii 
“You yellow, lily 
hunds—come and take a Jew, il you can! 
Come on, krauts. Tve séen Chihuahuas 
that could kick the crap out of the whole 
bunch of you.” One braced to spring: 
an older. wiser head bit into its 
constrain it, 
Bond spoke a fi 
According to the bener trade ma 
zines, the Renault outperforms the Volks- 
agen in every w 


an crocod 


croci? 
the sl. 


they did not 


across 


ivered Deutsche 


1 pedamic sentence: 


Now there was no holding them back. 
The impetuous one lelt his tail in the 
older Hohenzollern's mouth to leid the 
charge. The others followed sui, eyes 
rolling with insensate hatred, coming ou 
for the kill They never reached him 
by one they were savaged by the 
y mass, howling in agony as they 
went under: again the water swirled with 
ved and pink 
Picroghana! The fleshloving Polish 
devilfish of the Vistula river, known 10 
down circles fishermen, ple 
d, in three recorded. instances, 
governments . . - 
Dobrze, dobrze! Good, good! . . - 
Bond lost consciousness 


rec 


To his amazement the voice was not 
iron, the eyes were not yellow but brown 
Intelligent. almost sympathetic 

“Let us talk quickly, Oy Oy Seven. 
There is litle time, Even now Gerda is 
dressing for the extraordinary 
of inflicting—uh, let us say test 
unusual devices upon the catch of her 
lifetime, Secret. Agent Isracl Bond. Co- 
operae with me, Bond, and I will save 
you hom indescribable sullering. 1 want 
to know how much M 33 and 1/3 knows 
about Operation Alienation, how deep- 
ly the CIA is involved, what plans both 
have for counterattacking, how the new 
king can best be goti ad elimi 
nated, as well as a lew items t0 sate my 
personal curiosity." 

Bond. his hands chained 10 the wall. 
saw a bland face and the high forehead. 
of the scholar. His questioner was a man 
of medium height w a military 
ereweut who wore a white lab coat. Of 
course—Dr. Emst Holsknicht, whose 
mild appearance belied his status as the 
evi us behind Eretz Israel's. woes. 
am I, Holzknicht?” Hc would 
courtesy of “He 
no matter what the cost, “And 
remember, under the terms of the Gene 
va convention | can only give you my 
me, rank amd zip code. 
Dr. Holzknicht blew a 


occasion 
some 


to 


mouthful of 


Muriel smoke into his face, "You are in 
the cellar of Shivs, the very site where 
Oy Oy Five met hi so you see, 
there is no re, evw’s niceties 


here. 
Bond inhaled the ferid air. “And if E 


cooperate, then what? A phed pic- 
tures of David McCallum and Robert 
Vaughn? 


"P will reward you with a quick, pa 
less death, an injection of diathorenzymr- 
sheckyereene, and say that you died of 
your many wounds, which. if you'll no- 
tice, E have treated. 1 have no personal 
interest in torturing you. It would serve 
no scientific purpose.” 

Youre not like 
knicht. You're fo medicine 
and psychiatry. you don't enjoy sadism, 
and | see you're wearing a pair of fifty- 
colodny Dr. Joyce Brothers bedsocks, 


the 
enius 


others, Holz- 


165 


Ao0ouavuv1d 


166 


2020017 


«tet (C 


167 


PLAYBOY 


168 his wrists; they held. Somethin 


which mean 
artistic sensitivity: vet vou al 
with these ghouls. Wh 
That is a long story, Bond. Ja, I 
agree: the Sem-Heidts are quite mad. 
Heinz is a fatswollen sybarite who lives 
only for cilories and the cheap thrills of 
the la guerre table, Gerda is a monster 
who must cuse some kind of misery 
every day of her life or she finds life 
meaningless. | regret that a man of my 
elect and taste has been forced to seek 
Hiance with them, but rust has the 
finances to underwrite my researches. 
n't those researches be conducied 


you have a fully developed 
m yourself 


for some democratic 
Y 


sure 


country? P 


ur indiscretions would. be forgiven. 
"You do not fully understand, Bond. 

reason D am with Usu is be 
cause T concur. with 
Even as a young sc 
of my older, allegedly wiser c 


gues in 


understanding the monume prob- 
lems facing mankind. Long ago | fore 
w the great upheavals from 


wakened nationalism in the emergin, 
countries. the impact of the population 
explosion, the terrible food shortages, 
automation, water pollution. the threat 
of auack by aliens from other. planets 
and the ever-growing possibility that the 
sun may die in live billion years, leaving 
earth a cokl shriveled, dead mass of 
rock. With my logical. dispassionate sci- 
entist’s mind. I arrived at à inco 
able solution to all these. problem 

And that i 

“We have got to destroy all the Jew: 

"Well" Bond said uncertainty. "if. you 
put it (hat way"—then he was furious at 
himsell for à momeutary weakness "no, 
it, no! T won't play ball, kraut. Do 
your worst. 

“So? A pity.” The doctor sighed. "In 
that case, 1 shall leave you in the capa- 
ble claws of Auntie Sem-Hedt. First, 
however, we shall soften you up.” He 
walked to a corner of the cell and slid 
open the lid of a screened cage. "Good. 
day, Bond, and goodbye" He was g 

From the cage came a soft scratching 
sound—then, one by one, out came an 
abhorrent Hine of crawling brown things. 
cach with count- 


nest- 


damı 


ahout six inches long 


less Tittle feet and curved claws at cach 
end. Isracl Bond felt the ha the 
neck—rising! 


bout to be attacked by a mig- 
illepedes from the Lesser An 
tilles. Six of them! 

noved 


incxol a. 


bly toward. 
He could pick out the pin points of red 


that were their eyes. Their bites might 
not mean death, at least the 
tancous kind, just simple agony that 


would turn his fine black hair white and 
the dark, cruclly handsome face into a 
Dorian Gray within seconds. 

In his terror he twisted at his m: 
cles, rubbing huge patches of skin trom 


di zu 


against the floor and he realized thar 
im his stra desperation he had 


snapped the Tuck Tape that bound. the 
Insunt Processed Cold Rolled Exma 
Suength Steel tool to his calf. Alas. it 
as six inches (the exact length of the 
filthy stalkers) from his feet. Might as well 
be six miles, he lamented, as the line of 
millepedes moved on, now les than a 
foot away, their claws held high to lance 
into flesh. He closed his eyes. “Hear O 
Isracl. the Lord Our God, The Lord is 
One.” He waited for the first prickle of 


millepede feet on his legs, the first claw 
squirting venom. 
What was taking them so long? 


He opened his eyes, 

They had stopped in their tracks, de- 
battle formation toward the 
med opening that served as the 
ily window. 

y through the bars, caught. by 
1 of fadin ight, was the 
ike ant of the 
bian Desert, a solpugid, search 
food. 
‘Se 


Ara- 
for 


5 


Thrice 
a voice 
Sol. 


pugid. Sol. Sollie, baby.” 
he entreared. the new ami 
cuckng with emotion. "Help m 
Help one of your own who's up a 
it now. Don't stop to polemicize 
Orthodox. Conservative and Reform dif- 
ferences. Ich bin a Yid, Sollie. Du bist 
aichit. Hel] meer!” 

The arachnid seemed to comprehend. 
It quickened its pace, furry legs impell- 


nto the midst of the enemy, tli 


ect hits time and 
Three of them were cut in twain, 
the severed halves thrashing in death 
throes. But Solpugid had been skeshed 


damagingly by two of them hitting it 
from both sides in a prearranged pincer 
is juices cbbed from the 


k in drove back at the two attackers, 


Ti spun to meet 
the sneak kae—and the claw 
laden with excruciating poison struck 
home. Solpugid shook the millepede off 


s back w why heave, which sei 
it banging i Il, then chomped it 
into jagged bits. 


Gotcnu! Bond thought. I's saved 
me. Then he felt a new thrill of hor 
he heard the elevator whine, beari 
he knew, the Bitch of Schweinbaden. 
amned tool! So near, yet so 


far. 
He looked ai the barely alive Solpugid. 
“Sol, that hunk of metal. If you've got 
ng lelt—push it over to me. 
A few of the eyes blinked dully. It's so 
damn shot through with poison it can't 
ymore, Bond thought. 
Solpugid got up. 
With its last atom of power, it stag 
d up on three of its eight legs (the 
rest, no doubt, were numbed by the cir- 


culating venom). g 
rush and smashed imo t 
al, which, Bond deduced. must have out- 
weighed it 150 The tool skipped 
over the sto to 


his ankle just as the elevator hit bottom. 
Bond was in action, kicking off an An 
dalusian bedsock. pinching the device 


n his toes, ng up and catch- 
with his even. white teeth, He 
et oozing from the cor- 
ner of his cut sensual mouth, bit h 
nto the tool and with a series of nods 
worked it against his bonds. He smelled 
the burning metal shavings as the 
ircerss file ate its effortless way through 
the links, and suddenly he was falling on 
his face as they gave wi No time to 


betwee 
ing it 
ignored the cl 


aow (he was a poor birdeall. imitator 

y k of the wheelchair 
down a cellar corridor and the harri 
dam's cackle were broadcasting a me: 


(c: Run! 
day when the odds a 

“Olav Ha Shalom. 
the dead chnid, 
ircnrss lile ast the 


bled befor Mast 


Run! Live to fight anothe 
e bene 
he whispered to 
then scraped the 
ars, which crum- 


ridges. Bond fled 


its f 
into the sultry night. 


On the sound theory that rusiu would 
expect him to high-tail 
Shivs as his battered frame could tak 
him, Bond coolly walked up the stairs of 


the porch, through the lobby now bus. 
Uing with guests about to start their 


night's run at the tables and, shui 
the elevator, went up via the serv 
stairs. His object: the fourth floor and 
the documents that would incriminate 
the heinous junta before the whole 
world. 

The fourth floor was deserted, the di 
rectors and Heinz Sem-Heidt downstairs 
running the games. At the conference- 
room door 
lame frock coat, opera | 
Graham. bell-boud Dennis- 
Morgan antelope gun on his lap. From 
the smell it was obvious the man had 
been drinking and it was an easy 
atter for Bond to take the weapon from 
his hands and bash his head 

"The room held nothing of 
him except for a few Muriel cig 
bowl, which he took. He 
of the directors’ 
nothing rewarding, 
obviously the doctors, when he heard 
the bubbling of some chemical or other. 
But he received a jolt when he delicately 
opened the door to the tenth s 

She was in the wheelchair, the yellow 


nS, a 


suites, again finding 
eschewed a ninth, 


eyes masked by chalk-white lids on 
whose surface were brinching green and 
red veins; snores gurgled from the thin 


nose and blue lips. Her hand rested on 
the jester's cap of Locksley, who slept in 
à barbed-wire crib next to the wheel- 
chair, his thumb in his mout 

Bond tiptoed across the th 


bare rug, 


le strewn-about house dresses, 
eyes darting into nook and 
the documents. On the walls 
he saw shelves lined with her personal 
library—A Child's Garden of Perversion. 
Jayne's Fighting Whips of the World 
1963-66, De Sade—He Really knew 
How to Hurt a Guy—and a pe 
SCHWEISBADEN, CAMP OF THE MON 
TIREE STRAIGHT YEARS 
And then he found it—the safe 

prayed the tomtom that was his he: 
would not rouse the crone as he pulled 


kicking a 
gr 


He 


the sandpaper from his hip pocket and 
sensitized the tips of his long tapering 
fingers. Click! The first tumbler—five 


minutes passed—click!—the second— 
He glanced at the radioactive 
his shockproof Pathetik-Philippe. 
Ninetwenty. In another ten minutes the 
safe would yield its treasure. By nine- 
thirty the proof of the existence of Op 
eration Alienation would be in his hand. 
Ninethirty! 

Gottenu! 

She would be at the oa 
thirty. his own and only true love, Sarah 
Lawrence of Arabia! 

Well, Oy Oy Seven, what comes first, 
your personal happiness or the destruc 
tion of the powers of darkness? 

The papers would be there tomorrow, 
he told himself as he bounded down the 
stairs and through the lobby 

He chopped down on the doorman's 
neck with his stiffened left ad and 
commandeered a Lincoln. Continental 
convertible, Hattening the front gate. 
two Bulgroes and a Dagio on his jugger 
naut jaunt to the desert. 

A million jewels hung suspended on 
the blackvelvet night. Somewhere the 
choir sang a Norman. Luboff arrange 
ment of Stairway to the Stars to the ac- 
companiment of the Archie Shepp Trio. 
Gouenu, he thought, my kingdom for 
six dozen oysters laced with Gallo Wine! 

As he parked the Continental ander 
the palms, he he: 
da. da, dee dee theme (this time a scat 
version by Annie Ross: 5: had clev- 
erly changed tapes lor a new dramatic 
elle). and his body began tingling i 
all the right places, even in a few new 
ones he had never dreamed were zones of 
crogencity—the tips of his Andalusian 
bedsocks and the loops of his Hickok 
belt 

‘The white cimel poked its nose 
the rim of a dune and the cool musical 
Come, Mr. Bond. My desert 
is wait No second invitation was rc 
quired, He crashed through the wind 
shield, paying no heed to the new cuts 
i and slid down its hood to 
the lukewarm sand. Now he was on Li 


at nine- 


d ihe dee dee, da. da. 


ver 


voice said 


l bruises. 


takia, enckisping Sarah's waist. thrilling 
to her whispered: “Bhi d you 
and L^ 

“And sand kissing a moonlit sky 


breathed. liss Lawrence, will 


convert to my faith, ma ne and set 
me up in bust 

“Yes. yes, oh yes! 

They slid off the camel onto the dune. 
His sensual lips brushed her eyes and 
found 1o his delight she was a Murine 
girl. "Fake off your veil. Miss Lawrenc 
and let me see the seventh heaven of sev- 
enth heavens. 

The voice was pleading. “Nay, let us 
preserve the illusion of this first. night 
between us, Mr. Bond. I pray you.” 

^] accede, my sweet. Does that rest 
tion apply to your golden robe as well 

She trembled. “It is yours to do with 
as you wish, man of mine. Lift it” 

His eyes closed, the long tapering 
fingers drawing warmth from her thighs. 

“One question, Israel Bond. 1 know 
you love me, bur why do you want to 
climb upon my body? 

It came. out of hi 
conviction 

"Because it is there." 

A modest moon blushed and slipped 
behind the dune and as his thighs 


| with passionate 


conquered hers, she emitted one heated 
word: 
“R 


sw —ther!™ 

He awoke with the first heat of the 
day to find the note pinned 10 the belt 
of his sunslas. 

“My dearest, dearest. adored one. 
How can I ever convey the gratitude of 
a girl who has been taken beyond the 
boundaries of all that is man's to know? 
"Every 500 years the great lindalady bird 
flies out of a secret p n the tomb 
of RanSid the Ninth and devours a 
single grain of the Arabian Desert's sand. 
then disappears back into the dark 

cesses of that sacred burial 
When that bird has c 
last grain of sand and is tak 
lemy of Medicine at Khartoum 
| colonic, then one second of 
cternity will have elapsed I shall love 
you for all of eternity. Isracl Bond. 1 
il that glorious day when we are m 
one under the tradit 
faith... and E have already commiued 


ten the 


de 
al cinopy of you 


"TI tell you why I stabbed him twenty times. 
I couldn't turn off the 
electric carving knife, that's why!” 


169 


PLAYBOY 


170 


10 memory the Aleph-Baze and three of 
the five books of Moses . . . I remain 
yours completely—Sarah Lawrence of 

Arabia. 

On the way back to the palace an elat- 
ed Israel Bond sang the joyous. wild 
songs of his childhood. / Took My Gal to 
the Enginchouse, She Was a Lulu, Coun 
try Boy, Country Boy, Sittin’ on a Rock, 
his heart pumping the clectrifying new: 
She's mine! She's mine! 

In fact, those were the first words he 
ied as he saw Neon Zion and Monroe 
c sitting by the great pool, their 
heads down, their eyes those of beaten 
dogs. 

"Congratulations." Goshen's comment 
as dry, insincere. 

Come on, Monroe. You can do better 
than that for an oF buddy about to kick 
the bachelor habit. How about you, 
113?" 

Neon turned his face away from Bond 
and kicked a les crane to death. 

14" Goshen said with resignation 
“While you were running off half-cocked 
and unauthorized alter rusit and you 
lady fair, the king was kidnaped.” 

Gottenu! Bond slapped his forch 
"How 

"Bunch of guys in wl 


id. 


e burnooses, the 


Wheys, stormed in with guns and took 
t of judgment a 
"em 


him to a coi their 
camp. “Pears someone told hes a 
phony. They're going to try him, then be- 
head him. I don't think even the. Law- 
nce dame can get him out of this one.” 
In the MBG, Bond wallowed in self 
loathing as Neon and Goshen continued 
1 "Coventry." I've done it this time, 
he thought, fouled up the assignment, 
iled to get the goods on Tus. Beame 
right: I've had it with M 33 and 1/3. 
lose or draw: this is the last caper, 
Oy Oy Seven. 

Bond had the MBG at an impossible 
289.7 hectares, liquelying the road sur- 
face, until he pulled into the encamp- 
ment of a thousand white tents. They 
got out, arms held high judiciously. 
covered. by stone-faced. sentries armed 
with Mickey Mausers, “Take us to the 
kin Bond demanded. 

‘There is no king,” one spat, "just an 
impostor. Follow me, infidels.” 

More inflammatory Y gitprop, 
Bond figured. Thanks to Sarah, it didn't 
work on the Kurds, so now they've poi 
soned the Wheys. 

In the center of a circle of thousands 
of men in white burnooses sat. LeFagel, 
his d Save me, Super 
emite, save me! 
An aged warrior, obviously the muk- 
tar of the tribe, called out scornfully. 
Whi the judgment of the Wheyan 
people?” 

“Death! Death! Death!” The verdict 
rasped out of thousands of throats. Got 
Bond thought. If l'd had the 
Luden’s franchise, I'd leave this enclave 
a multimillionaire, 


Win 


ds fluucring. 


gel drew himself up. a new digni- 
ty in his bearing. Good-o! Bond thought. 
y be the end, but he's going out 
man. My tutelage has net been 
for nought. 
The muktar dragged his ax along the 
and. the blade cutting a furrow to Le- 
Fagel, who knelt to receive it across the 
back of his neck. 

Now it was lifted high, its awful sym- 
metry caught by the sun. 
ck! Tt was flying out of the muk 
tars hands. 

Sarah Lawrence of Aral 
takia, those black eyes a 
a Congoleum-Nairn-516 elephant gun, 
broke through the circle of whi 
burnoosed tribesmen, and the beist 
woued to. LeFagel's. side 

"Before you dare to spill the truly roy 
al blood of Hakmirs son, I would beg 
for one boon,” she said. "I have brought 


astride La- 
the sights of 


a great holy man with me, who has been 
touring our Jand with his spiritual cival- 
cade. True, he is not of your faith, but he 


aw 
Liste 


speaks for all mankind. with cend- 
message of universality 1 
translate his words, then decide if you 
are to murder your rightful ruler.” She 
beckoned and a wizened litle man in a 
Righteous Brothers white linen suit, 
swing tie and ILgallon Tex Ritter hat 
entered. astride an imposing Arabian 
steed. 

By thunder! Bond thought. It's Oral 
Vincent Graham, the tent evangelist, the 
man who stirred the world’s heart just 
befor the dimactic showdown with 
er in the Red Seat But can ever 
his words still the enmity in this tension- 
charged. situation? 

Oral Vincent Graham stood in the stir- 
rups, his keen eyes gauging the hostile 
mood of the bloodthirsty crowd. He 

uld have to choose his words well. A 
aps life hung in the balance. 

“Whomsoever gainsaycth the me 
of men? Yea, w sinsayeth? 


e 


RA 


ki 


sure 


He paused to ler his statement sink in: 


wave of angry murmurs assailed his 
They were stirred up! Good! 
urs are as thre 


.gen- 
nd t fore walketh he 
who gainsaycth not? To green. valleys 
and lush fields, sayeth the sages, yet do 
not even the sages gainsay and not say- 
h? Sometimes? 

"Pride gocth before a fall, yea, and so 
dorh summer. In the w 
we seck the summer, gainsaying it when 
we can, not gainsaying it when we can- 
not. Who among ye stays from right- 
g. who dares to number 


ier of oi 


ny 


cous gainsa 
among his su 
of straying. gains: 
scoring? 

Bond could hear Sarah Li 
bing. He knew the t 
into the veil; his own cheeks we 


mers. threescot 


ars were soaking 


wet. 


“Lest ye who would be judged c'en to 
the 


measure of the days of your v 
His n 10 thy child 
and thy children’s childre 
children. For the sins of the father de- 
light the father. Hist! Lest ye hit in 
haste! Ifa man walketh not alone, ca 
it not be truly said that he is with some- 
onc? Whether in vales or fields? Gainsa 
ing? 

“Oh, my friends, hist and harken. Let 
it not be said, I say unto you—let it not 
be said!" He closed his eyes. “Amen.” 

Even as the skies echoed the last cre- 
scendo of his wrath (bouncing his words 
off both vales and fields), the muktar 
d his people were kneeling before Le 
zel, smothering his hands with kisses. 
Forgive us, O glorious planter of 
thousand irrigated opium fields! 

The king placed his hand upon the 
sorrowful muktar’s head. “You are for- 
given, muktar: now go make peace with 
the Kurds and together we shall go on 
| the winning of the East. 

Bond's frst impulse was to rush 
ah Lawrence of Arabia's side, but he saw 
her riding off into the sunset, her head 


bowed in thankful supplication. "Se 
you at the dune, baby!” he shouted. 
The ride back to Hakim ce was 


cxuberant, LeFagel leading the applause 
for the little evangelist, who kept insist- 
ng he had not done anything 10 deserve 
it “Speech wasn't even mine, Mr. Bond 
I must ‘less up. | cribbed it verbatim 
from an obscure lule volume called 
Thoughts [or Alternate Thursdays by 
» I never even heard of. Name 


somu 
of Lavi Ha Lavi. 
Goshen put his hand in Bond’ 


“Guess we all owe you an apology, Oy 
Ov Seven. Thanks to that quickthinking 
filly of yours, King Baldroi is now 
cepted by all of his people, which scote 
es at least one half of the TusH scheme. 
A united people will sce to it their king 
isn't Killed; ergo, Tusu fails, its stock 
goes down on the Espionage Exchange. 
Shame you haven't been able t0 expose 
the terrible plot against your peopl 
though. Maybe it just isn't 
Bond shook the little 
lapels. "Yes, yes! The c 
You crac We 
No. Monre 


. What will hap- 
pen if 1 go back in there and take on 
tesi at Ja guerre, smash their organi 
tion by bankrupting it? How can they 
pay ol their agents and run their vast 
world-wide network if they're broke? 
Goshen looked into those g 
once again hot with the lust for battle 
"You may have something there, Iz. But. 
my G do you realize the kind of 
stakes you'd need to play a showdown 
game with Sem-Heidt? Astronomical.” 
Bond flashed a hard grim. "Raise it, 
then, damnit! Your governmer 
billions trying to ferret our these vil 
Jains. Let me have that stake, buddy boy, 


eyes, 


blows 


ind. TH wreck. ‘em for all time!” 

A slow smile began 10 steal across the 
dour, puritanical face. “Sou 
but why not? Ell have 10 make a call to 
the Tall Texan, maybe have him cancel 
the loan to Thailand and send the 
money your way." 


ds. crazy, 


TH need." sa 
fingers over his he least six more 
coats of Beacon Wax, 113. If you can 
scrounge up some shellac to mix in with 
it. fine.” Neon left the royal suite to 
Gury out Bonds biddin 

Bond sat in his Arcaro jockey shorts 
the bible of the great game, Srarne on La 
Guerre, at his elbow, as he practiced a 
few exquisite maneuvers, the "Richelieu 
Rifle,” the "Buffalo Shuffle" and the 
tricky "Crusaders Cut 

Goshen put aside the breezy, informa 
tive National Enquirer, whose Irom p 
featured EDME sEZ iF LIZ WANTED ME 
BACK I'D GO BACK, BUT NOT UNLESS DICK 
COULD LEARN TO CARE FOR DEBBIE and 
Me. ep's secret siase. He hurled a 
packet imo Bond's lap. “There's your 
Iz, eighty billion quasars. which 
represents the advance the Tall Te 
got from his publisher for The Great 
Society's Genyewine Coloring Book and 
Games Texas People Play. As a precau 
tion, Fm coming along with my CIA 
boys so TUsH won't get 
highjacking the dough—if you win." 

Back came Neon with the ingredients 
As Bond slipped into his Sy Devore la 
guerre gambling outfit Sammy. Davis 
blue tuxedo, Levi Strauss! “After Nine" 
formal Levi's and his last pair of rare, 
50ü-quasar Carpathian  bedsocks lash- 
ioned from the pelts of. werewolf pup 
pics—the industrious 113 worked the 
mixture into Bond's scilp. “It’s hard as a 
rock, Oy Oy Seven.” 

Bond sent a stream of Raleigh smoke 
against the artificial plant in the corner 
It shriveled, edges curing, and died. 
“Let's go." 


wl. running his 


ny ideas about 


His pudgy hands caressing a pile of 
fuchsia billion-quasar notes, Heinz Sem- 
Heidi looked around the tible. Ach, the 
fight was gone from this crowd; they had 
been no match for his Teutonic preci 
sion. In Position One was Baroness 
Yvette Mimeo. a principal stockholder 
in the A. B. Dick Company, her sun 
dered skull on the table, claret flooding 
from a deep fissure. Two and Three were 
occupied by the Iranian frozen-custird. 
magnates. Nassim Zolzein-Shah and his 
simpering wife, the man obviously dead. 
the woman babbling incoherently. Four, 
Five d Six were vacant. The For 
mosan beef and beansprout syndicate, 
playing erratically as all Orientals do, 
had been wiped out carly. Two had died 
from the rigors of the game, the third had 
decently blown his brains out with the 
Hayley-Mills pistol provided by the 


Yesterday these Day’s slacks tried on a motorcycle and dreamed up 
a dozen solid reasons for owning it. Today they'll talk to Dad and end 
up feeling pretty lucky to have the old Ford after all. 


The action stuff it's made of. 
Crompton Corduroy. 


[DAY'S ae slacks of Crompton's thick wale cotton corduroy. Sizes 
28-36. Mountain green or dark oak. About $11. At fine stores everywhere. 
Crompton-Richmond Company-Inc., 1071 Avenue of the Americas, NY 18. 


THE AUTHORITY OF UNDERSTATED ELEGANCE 


dress shirts by LANCER of California iL 


171 


PLAYBOY 


172 


management, Number Seven's occupant 
had vet to. put in an appearance. Zehr 
gooi! A new goose to pluck! 

Shuffling the six packs of cards that go 
imo each boot, Heinz Sem-Heidt did nor 
notice the entrance of the lean, dark, 
cruelly handsome man flanked by a 
coterie of dangerouslooking individuals 
until the menacing voice made the 4800 
ounces of lab in his body tremble. 

Position Seven this night will proper 
ly be occupied by Ov Oy Seven, Yo chal- 
Iengo banco." 

The words hit the crowd like a thun 
derdap. The bank had been chal 
lenged! In ten seconds every gaming 
room in Shiws was deserted by patrons 
rushins t0 witness the drama of a life- 
time. 

Heinz Sem-Heidt looked into the gr 
eyes of Israel Bond. The 
fell fron hands. 

“Strict rules of Scarne, 
bidding and the Foch boots. Aw 
Buckets of sweat rolled down 
the jellyish jowls. "Hem Zenmer” h 
d to the croupier. “The Foch boots, 
bitte.” 

Bond lit à. Raleigh and watched Zent 
mer place the original combat boots 
worn by Marshal Foch in the Great Ws 
upon the baize doth and put six packs 
of cards (examined first by Goshen) into 
cach toc. Two other Germans, Sturm and 
Drang, lugged in the caldron of seam- 
ing Cream of Wheat, another vital part 
of the time-honored ritual 

Zenner placed a bowl of Cream of 
in cach conrestant's left hand. a 
boot in the right, The aowd 
ceased its hubby "Monsieur, C'est- 

La guerre!” Bond amd his porcine 
med it simultaneously. hurl 
m of Wheat ino cach orher's 
and  bludgconing cach other's 
Is with the Foch boots which, as 
they made contact, opened a the. tes to 
permit a pink cud to fall onto the baia 

Shaking, h 
Bond spoke. “Mine has—let me see- one, 
two, thice, four, five, six black things. 
Y hell, you count "em, 
Nazi 

I see three, possibly four 

“Page eighteen of Scarne an Counting 
states clearly: “Six beats three, possibly 
four’ You sure it isnt three and f 
which would give you an 
seven? 


the fuzziness, 


"s has; oh 


Nein.” 

| said seven, not nine. you 
kraut! Cheating already?” When Zent 
ner pointed out Sem-Heidt had meant 


no, Bond gave "OK, fat 
hoy. Shove over two hundred forty bil- 
rs. Now Fm tripling the triple 


cruel. laugh. 


“La guerre!" 
Cereal and boots flew unerringly to 
their targes. Gottenu! Bond thought 


Beacon Wax might not yellow my head. 


ishment? I 


it take sust; 
starting to cra 


ned pui 
N 


feel it 
His finger ticked off the red hc: 


ris on 


the left side of the card—four. Were 
there more? Yes Two in the center, 
which save him a total of six. Now. if 


only the right side of the card—hallelu- 
jah! One, two, three, four more! With 
out question, he was holding a ten. 
No, eleven—another red heart. bad ap- 
peared! Uh-uh, buddy boy. there are no 
clevens. The kuecomer is a drop of your 
type-A blood! “Switches les boots, sen: 
Heidt. Privilege of the challenger. And 
whav’s you 

"E count foi 
Are there morc. 
r 


aid. 
1 


unonds on my 
Herr Zenner? Ni 


As the men exch 
in a furry voic 
hundred si 


aged boots, Bond said 
That's two thousand 
iy scallions, uh, bil 


one 
liards 

“Billions.” Goshen corrected him. “I 
you're way ahead, but you're starting to 
go round the bend. Quit now before he 
pounds you into sawdust.” 

No. Bond argue 
his scalp. "Got to go on till he's busted 
His boot was heavier, Monroe. That's 
why 1 called a switchez." To Sem-Heidt 
"Another triple triple, Nazi.” 


no. his hand to 


Cereal Mew and. boots crashed, Bond 
trumping Sem-Heidi lour more times 
and soon the Nass lace was. blocked 


from Bond's view by the laters mound 
of 15553 trillion. quasars. “Want to dip 
into. your colodnys now, Heinz?” 

“Ja, der colodnys, jüdischer Schwein- 
Despite. staggering deficit, 
there was supreme confidence on the swol- 
leu Heinz Sem-Heidt made an 
undetwetad move with lus right foot. 
kicking the wastebasket under the table. 

With the change of currency, the Ger- 
man’s luck changed—and he came up 
with seven numps in a row, all on aces 
uling Bond's pi 
than half of his original stake. 

Bond's bleary eyes caught the smug 
on the inner-tube lips. Riv 
vet rolled from his lacerated 
to the baize. Gonenu! Damn 
near. busted—what a rotten run of luck: 
beaten by seven straight aces of spaces. 

Hold on! Seven? In a combat 
with so decks of cards that should 
have six aces of spades? Buddy boy, the 
L: 
surprised. if Holzknicht gave him some 
legal head coating—metal mayhe. 
Bond squandered 20 billion quasa 
the next hand to see how it was be 
don 


hund” his 


ace. 


eto less 


of spades, wl 


boot 


1 is shalting you! And I wouldn't be 


son 


terrible jolt that sent 
on Wax slid- 
claretspattered 
wn boot missed 


incurring 
the last fragments of Be 
ing off his skull onto hi 
Sammy Davis tux. His 
badly, bur on his follow-through his 
bloodshot eye saw the hand snake out of 
the wastebasket and deposit another ace 


of spades in Sem-Heidts h 
cnough to beat his 
knew from past experience. 

1—l feel sick." Bond sid 


and fell 
over the table. deliberately ramming his 


shoulder imo the caldron of hot, 
Cream of. Wheat. 

‘Clumsy schwein'" snarled Sem-Heidt, 
ducking the steaming white avalanche. 
then recoiling in horror as he saw it low 
over the edge of the table ket. 
Soon the basket was overllowing with 
cereal and there was a horrible stench of 
something burning, a futile thrash 
inside. Stillness. 

V swaying Bond. steadied by Gosh 
and Neon. pointed a finger at the bas- 
ket “Dump it out on the table.” 

Gasps flew throughout the La. Guene 
Room as basket was over 
ud the cooked cereal-saturated body of 
the dwarf, fell onto the baize 
spongy thump, the puckered 
apple ol a face in the horrifyi 
attitude of death. 

And with the dw 
Cream of Wheat was someth 
dozens of sodden 
Bond spread them out and issued a clar- 
ion ov: 


torn 
bubbl 


nto the ba 


1 


the turned 


aces of spades, Isracl 


dedaro coup de cheato: ergo. yo 
The shouts 
aged Heinz Sem-Heidt’s cars. “Coup 


de cheato! 
“Which m. 
rules ol Sc 


ans, Nazi, 
rne. 


according t0 the 
the whole k 
dle is mine: colodnys. the five 
pack of Muriel Cigars in your lapel 
pocket, plus any decent phone 
in your little black book. You're om 
of busines. Ive just kicked your or 
ganization on is resi. Take "cm all, 
Monroe.” 

The blob began to weep as the CIA 


ad cahon. 


quasars, 


team fanned out and covered the seven 
other German directors. “She will kill 
me! HE you don't protect me. she will 


kill met 

Goshen ordered his men to clear the 
room. He gave it straight to the teary 
Sem-Heidt. ll give you the fullest 


protectior you spill the beans 
about resi’s plot against the king 
and Judaism, Otherwise, you're free to 
Mk out r now. ‘Course, Auntie 
"The piggish eyes 

“L bate her! D have 

always hated her! 1 only married. her 


because of her superior family buck- 


Ik. 


g upwahs, Momoc,” Bond 
Seon. Jimbo. come with me." 
A helluva nights work, Goshen 


smiled. The cabal exposed, Sahd Sakisian 
secured fo n 
to the grea 
t 


» 
ew espionage w 
ne, Israel Bond. 

His joy was not shared by the dark, 


m ol all 


“Honest, lady, we didn't come to rape or molest 
nobody—just to rob the damn train... 1!" 


PLAYBOY 


174 


Imported from Germany by 
Young's Markel Company, Los Angeles 
Juillard Alpha Liquor Co.. San Francisco 
Robertr's House of Wines, Portland 
Eagle Beverages. Seattle 
Better Brands, Honolulu 


elly handsome “weapon” on the roof 
w by 13 and James Brown, who 
atched the baleful yellow eyes glaring 
back as the helicopter climbed over the 
L Auntie Sem-Heidt and Dr. Ernst 
Hobknicht had escaped. 

When the eye-opening call came from 
M, Israel Bond was on the moon-bathed 
dune with Sarah Lawrence of Arabi 
his head in her golden lap. his mouth 
opened to receive the Joyvah jells and 
Concord Hotel grapes dropping from her 
fingers. Their second physical fusion had 
been matchless ecstasy squared, though 
she had again refused to lower her veil. 
Not until our wedding night, dearest. 
And 1 hope you will be pl am 
that I have memorized all of Hillel's 
commentaries, the writings of Peretz, 
Sholem Aleichem and the Singers, and 
six of Alan King’s best routines. I shall 
soon be well acquainted with the rich 
diversity of Jewishnes: 

"The beeper in the parked MBG sound- 
ed a Mem alr l the voice of M. 
unfolded the shocking contents of a 
cardiogram—a telegram that comes from 
the heart—sent to her c/o the Ministry 
of Defense. 


Dear M, my beloved enemy: 
soon to be, I pray, my devoted 
friend: 

L wish to su 
you personally and confess all my 
sins. It is all too clear that God is on 
your side, M. How clse 10 explain 
the crushing of our rusu by the 
heaven-strengthened hand of Israel 
Bond? 1 suppose 1 should have re- 
mained at Shivs to take my medi- 
cime, but Dr. Holzknicht, who 
witnessed my husband's debacle at 
the [n guerre table via closedcircui 
television, convinced me to flee with 
him. Since then we have parted com- 
pany. I am hiding out in the Ciss- 
bah in Sahd Sakistan. Where Ernst 
has gone P truthfully cannot say, 
but I know he is planning an even 
shastlier operation against the line 
Jewish people, “Operation 
MIL" details of which I will be happy 
to furnish you as proof of my sinceri 
contrition, 

We are 


render myself. to 


m 


togethe 
grandchildren 
wigs in mortal combat. Let us forget 
the unpleasantness of the past and 
e in genuine sorority. Enclosed 
map showing a suggested rendez- 
vous point three nights hence. 
Please bring only one othei 
with you, as I shall be accom] 
by my last servant, a 
Monagro. 

Hoping youll find it im your 
rt to come and accept my apolo- 
gies for any inconveniences 1 may 


is 


harmless 


have caused you and your People of 
the Book, I remain, 
Gerda Sem-Heidt 


When Bond arrived at the airport, 
Op Chief Beame, his face mirroring his 
distrust. was wheeling the smiling M 
down the special ramp built by the El Al 
technicians. There’s something messianic 
in those warm eyes. Bond noted, and it’s 
driven away her common sense: 

He could hold it in no longer. "M, it's 
a wap! 

"Damn right,” Beame grunted, chew 
ing viciously on his White Owl. “I've 
begged her, Oy Oy Seven, but she won't 
list 

M pauned their heads with her care 
worn hands. “Mine dear boys, always 
worrying about a mother, It does my 
heart good to see your filial agony. Is 
what I live for. No. bovchickls, I must go 
to this fallen wretch and redeem her. 
And from a security standpoint, which 
Im sure you think I have overlooked in 

y zeal, it behooves us to familiarize 
ourselves with any new Holzknichtian 
deviliry before he has an opportunity to 
execute it. dH it is a wap, we must take 
that chance. You will accompany me, Oy 
Oy Seven. Whatever happens, you must 
swear not to interfere.” 

He did. the vibrations from his crack- 
ing knuckles splintering the crystal of 
his watch. 

Bond polished off three cartons of Ra- 
leighs during the ride to the Cissbah 
plicing coupon after coupon in M's 
hands. He could see her sweet, serene 
face in the minor, an unspoken prayer 
on the lips. The sun w 
from the minaret cime th 
the muezin: "Hey, you—ye 
snotty young 


yon, you 
ad crowd over 
there—move aside and make room for 
pray-ers, make room for prayers!” 
Number ten on the Street of the Jaun 
diced Jackals was a one-story warchouse- 
type edifice with VUSEE LATEHES seHooL 
OF MODERN FLUTE in faded leuers on the 
door. Bond unlashed the wheelchair Irom 
the MBG's roof, placed M on the seat 


kness, Somehow he 
found a wall switch and flicked it, a 
single naked bulb casting a 
the empty, soundless room. 

A door on the opposite side of the 
building creaked open and there was 
squeak of wheels across the earthen Ih 
Now he could sec two maddog yellow 
circles coming out of the blackness and a 
chalkwhite face wickedly radiant with 

which told his palpitating heat 
wie Sem-Heidt was in no peni 
tent mood, a fear confirmed by the pres 
ence of the swarthy, grinning Monagro 
(a rare breed, indeed) with knives stuck 
into his thick. leather belt 

“So, filthy jüdischer mongrel; you 
have come 

There was distress in M's face 


“Those 


are hardly the words of a wom: 
her way back to mankind. Gerda. 


E You doddering fool! Did 
you nourish the hope that I, Gerda Sem 
Heidt, would grovel before Jews? Die, 


Mother Margolies, di 

M! Bond heard his warning shout 
melt the fi ined wax in his cars as 
he swung her wheelchair out of Aun 
tie’s line of fire, but he was a shade too 
slow. Auntic’s right daw touched a but- 
ton on the battery in her lap. Something 
streaked from the ri mret of he 
wheelchair, a steel projectile that nosed 
into M's right shoulder, Now a pain wa 
his right shoulder: he 
looked dumbly at the Monagro's knife 
and fell to his knees. He could see the 
rosene glow leaving M's face and hear the 
grinding of her false teeth. Hold! Hold! 
he pleaded with the Poli-Grip in her 
dentures, Hold and preserve her dignity 
in he 

Au 
fierce joy. “Ju 
sen People. Chosen, yes, for d 
She nudged the Mon 


searin own 


last moments! 


th. Ha- 
droll 
Cagliostro? Chosen for death, 


thought. Bond;  Auntie's 
“heehee!” is even more bloodcurdling 
than ber "hacha!"—noc that there's much 
blood left in me to cuidle. Up. up, he 
expostulated t0 his body, up! He braced 
himself against M's wheelchair and felt 
the knife fall out of his shoulder, a tor- 
rent of claret hot upon its hilt. He saw 
M swallow hard and press her Korvette's 


gauveroy handkerchief, the one he'd 
given her for her 81th birthday (alas, she 
looked years older now), against her 


spouting wound. 

ida," M said, "I should like your 
permission to tell you a few things that 
ein my heart" The request was almost 


audible. 
“Hat Behold the things in my 
heart instead! Behold!” The daws tore 


away the house dress. Bond squeczed his 
told 


eyes tight. I'm craven. craven, he 
himsell, but I can't stand t0 see it 
He could not sce (a fiu 
his cowardice) that M did not flinch at 
the mechanical wonder on Auniie's body. 


"Jt is a fine heart," M said. “I know it 


must give you a great deal of pleasure, 
Gerda. Now, may 1 tell you of the things 
in mine 


“Talk, creator of vile, reeking chicken 
soup. It will amuse me to Bear the bleat- 
g of a Gapped Jew. Do not think for a 
moment that E shall soften my heart" — 
she sniggered at her inside joke—"as 
Pharaoh finally did for Moses.” Auntic 
turned to the Monag t see you 
are impatient, my pet. Hold off yct a mo- 
ment before I bestow upon you the 
pleasure of cutting the great Oy Oy 
Seven’s throat.” 

“Thank you. Gerda. I should like to 
give you the synopsis of a Shirley Temple 


"bc 


movie I had the pleasure of watching.” 
M started in a shaky fashion, painting 
word picture of a dear curlyhead of a 
oppet in a frilly [rock and blue hair 
ribbon whose Mums had passed away, of 
her adoring, dashing Daddy, a soldier of 
Good Queen Victoria, and of the love 
they held for e M's voice 
scemed t0 regain its resonance as she de- 
scribed long walks through the drowsy 
green beauty of an English summe 
the father’s eyes softening w 
ness at the sight of his “litle princess" 
gamboling across the meadow, picking a 
noscgay here, petting a fluily rabbit th 
then skipping across the flat stones of 
clear, burbling stream. Bond, his eyes still 
fastened. could see it all—the glances of 
flection between father and moppet, 
the thistles rustling in a gentle breeze. 

Then M's voice drooped. The mum 
pets of war had sounded to shatter ihe 
idyllic life. Daddy was called to fight 
h his regiment in a strange, hostile 
land. With no kith or kin, he was forced 
to leave his golde 
of à boadingschool headmi 
ssurd him the child would 
warm and friendly. 

Long, lonely days for a shy liule girl 
unable to fit in with the haughty daugh- 
ters of noblemen, lightened infrequently 
by letters hom Daddy, which she would 
read à thousand times to her lone friend 
at the school, Singh DennisSingh, the 
n who served as the butler and polo 
coach. Then the dark day when the War 
Offic: telegram arrived: “Your fath 
Sergeant Major ____ of the Fifth Scot- 
tsh Black Watch Grenadiers, has been 


ch othe 


taken prisoner by the cruel mountain 
tribes and is presumed 10 have been tor 
tured to death.” 

"Stop! Stop! You diabolical 
bitch!” The iron voice cut in 
Monagro’s knife. 
Bond, nor knowi 
inched this soulful 
the worst. but sudde 
Monagro’s voice, heavy with 
inmude: “Ler her continue, 
Please let her continue. 

M. pale and uncertain, her hand still 
pressed against the wound, continucd, 

Realizing ihe child 
headmistress forced 
cheerful wom and take up residence in 
the garren where she shared a closet 
with a dozen noisy shrews. “You will 
work in the scullery, little princes,” the 
sarcastic headmistress decreed, and so the 
golden girl toiled over pos and pans 
20 hours a day, her litle hands mro 
ing scabrous, In dreams she would sec 
Daddy smiling. "The bloody beggars 
have been a bit hard on me, Rule prin 
cess. Fve got only an eye and a leg left, 
but, never fear. FIL get home someday." 
He would. too. she told. Dennis-Singh, 
who had climbed up with her gruel, and 
"iCH be like it was before, youll see.” 

Bond heard the Monagro's deep. con 
vulsive sobs and, without looking, knew 
the man’s face was covered by his hands 
“Goodbye, Gerda. I'm going to see a 
priest.” The Monagro’s feet pounded on 
the earthen floor and Bond heard the 
door slam. 

Come back, you haif-breed cretin!” li 
was the iron voice. "I warned vou, you 


Jewish 
the 


emotion 
Gerda 


as penniless, the 
her 10 vacate he 


“Tt started years ago when Ogden sat down 
next to this girl one morning and 
realized he'd [orgotten his newspaper." 


175 


PLAYBOY 


176 


jüdischer scum! Now——” 

A second rocket was ejected from the 
wheelchair and Bond winced. expecting 
to hear M's death wail, but he heard the 
rocket thud harmlessly into the wa 
her strangely composed voice roume th 
tale. 

On a depressing night when the golden 
girl lay tosing with fever, the sud 
eyed Hindu at her bedside, the he 
wess dueatening a cining for feignin 
illness, there came a knock on the garret 
door 

“Yes, yes, yes... 2" the voice of Aun- 
tie Sem-Heidt, wheezing md breath: 
iron no more. 

Through dut g 
her own voice quivering. 7 
and a leg wrapped in the scarlet c 


Imi: 


id M, 
ey 
ofa 


rer door,” 


e i 


Greni 
“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Irs her 
Daddy . oh, oh, oh!” It was Aunti 


screeching and sobbing. "Daddy! Dad- 
dy! Da 

A protracted hi 
ething burni 
cough... 

He could bear his selLimposed blind- 
ness no longer. His eyes went first to M, 
a regretful smile on her dry lips, then to 


s. the pungent smell of 
g, a ghastly strangling 


the sprawled-out scarecrow acros the 
room. A greenish, rigid tongue had 
forced the blue-veined lips apart; 


though the yellow eyes w 
saw not. He shuddered at the Dali-esque 
nightmare of the squidlike thing, its 
molten tentacles slowly spreading from 
its white-hot center. 


open, they 


Auntie Sem-Heidt was dead. Her 
heart had melted. 
KE Bond fumed. “These long 


tapering fingers have time and time 
n kept the world safe for democracy- 
Now they can't even push a rose into the 
slit of a a 

irst of all, Mr. Coffee Nerves,” 
laughed. Neon Zion, "it goes in by the 
stem, not the blossom. Secondly, you're 
tittering like a child; let me do it" 


Isracl Bond was nervous. He was in 
the Empire State. Building suite of Mu- 
hammud Ali-Shurmahn, Sahd Sakistan's 


ambassador to the U.S., and this sun- 
splashed day in June was his wedding 
day. Minutes ago he had been on the 


86th floor's terrace to wimess the splen 
diferous coronation of Baldroi LeFagel. 
who months back had insisted Bond 
share his memorable day by marrying 
Sarah Lawrence of Arabia immediate 
ly afterward. Hell, Bond mused, this 
thing is hairier than that windup with 
Auntie in the warehouse. 

Op Chief Bcame's Aleph-Priority re- 
sponse to his frantic beeper had saved M 
md himself, He'd rushed them to the 
Jewish court physician. Dr. Chayim 
Khayyám, who'd administered plasma, 
Mother's Activated Old World Germicid- 
al Pchah and four vital Exeedvins. Sar- 
ah paid daily visits to the recuperating 
pair with armloads of Uneeda Biscuits 
nd read. verse to them from Bond's Le 
vorite, Best of Hallmark. M, brusque at 


frst. had finally fallen. under Sarah's 
spell. “Yowre a good shiksa; if you'll 
convert, FI come. to the wedding. 


The veiled beauty kissed the fragile 
hand. "Smashing. M, old girl! 1 shall, 
indeed. Since 1 last saw Mr, Bond, ] 
have memorized Jews, God and History, 
the songs of Shoshanna and 
Theodore Bikel, the me 
the speeches of —' 

"Cool it, baby. M says you're in. 

With the joint news release by the 


Tall Tex: and Ambassador. Callowfel 
low that America was going to host the 


coronation of its native son turned king, 
the country had gone gaga. Le 

gels, shaped like ^ popping 
up in every Jewishowned establishment 
(they'd all been rebuilt by the ‘Tall Tex- 
h pr tion Helpa- 
Hebe). Imper 1 donated 
the royal crown (beating a disgrum- 
ted soda company to the punch) for the 
feie. A particukuly clever tobacco co 
pany inserted a fullpage ad in The 


Us au 


York Times: "Roi Tan Loves You, 
You're the Roi and 


Ni 
King Baldroi 
You're Tan. 

LeFagels pai rived to a. tumultu- 
ous New York welcome; a lavender line 
painted down Filth Avenue by his 
ing claque from the old “angry 
poet” days. He seemed distant in their 
presence, however: one spy is Julius 
Boros plus fours cried: “Sellout!” 

An hour before his coronation, LeFa- 
gel told Bond, "Sixty minutes from now, 
Oy Oy Seven, 1 shall be king, but I'd 
give it all up— power, fame, money—if 
you'd consent to go away with me. What 
say you. captor of my heart 

Bond put his arm around the li 
king. “You've made tremendous. strides, 
droi. When first we met, you were a 
screaming faggot. Step by step I've seen 
a miracle unfolding. Now, I don't know 
100 much about these things, but Ud 
guess you have roughly 79 percent 
homo left in you, a bit higher than the 
permissible 6 percent in most men, but 
certainly manageable with a little cllort 
Fight it hard all the way. Your people 
need a man at the helm. For their si 
think manly, talk manly, do 
things.” 

LeFagel left him with a grim smile 
and Neon rushed back to Bond ten min- 
utes later with a bulletin: Le 
been caught flagrante. delicto. wi 
bassador. Callowlellow's w 

Goudo! Bond thought. My work is 
He's a mensch! 

A richly humorous incidi had 
stamped the Tall ‘Texan's warm. human 


de 


brand on the formalized coronation. He 
and the king had posed for the TV cam. 

É a hallowed Sakistani 
rite, the salting of each other's shash 


eeshah (tails of spring lambs ground up 
with Cheerios) as a sign of mutual re 
spea between world trans. Bond had 
whispered something to the Tall Texan, 
who whispered back, “Right fine. son. 
PH say it,” then lifted the salicel 
cracked up the crowd with a sly 
your Majesty: let us season togethe 
Bond had refused the Tall Texan's offer 
of a hightevel speechwriter's. job, but 
exacted a promise tha 


give Monroe. Goshe 
above the Administr 
guidelin, 


Borne to the throne by two Kurds and 


two Wheys in a four-door sed: ] 
Let l, dressed in blinding white Labr 
dor snow-goose feathers amd tennis 


snetkers, took the crown from Ben-Bella 
Barka’s hands and, crying out ihrec times 
"Y'lella abdabecl" (Sakistani for "I 
crying out three times”), placed it on his 
head. He then left for dinner with the 
Tall Texan. “Put Mr. Bond's wedding 
on the bill, t * LeFagel had 
said. Now the hundreds of dignitaries 
and security people were gone; only a 
handful were left for the nuptials. M, 
knitting madly, put the finishing touches 


am 


huh, Prez 


to Bond's wedding yarmulke. Milton 
and Rag and their wives sat next to her. 

And alone in the back row was L 
lovely and brave, She'd made a pretext 
of fixing his zipper to talk to him. “Iz. I 
know she's a lovely girl, but if it doesn’t 
work out, lll be waiti 

"How long? Don't make commitments 
of fidelity vou can't keep, like last time, 
he said a little wo harshly. 

"Forever." 

He seemed appeased. He stood at the 
mesh railing looking at the breath- 
taking panorama of the world's most 
exciting depressed area 1050 feet below, 
waiting for his bride 

Rabbi Robert Hallstein, head of the 
somewhat liberally oriented congrega 
tion Temple B'nai Venuta. who had 
been recommended to M by friends, was 
shamelully Jac, profusely apologetic 
Coronation trafic. you know, Mr 
Bond.” He waved in two workmen who 
wheeled the portable wedding canopy 
(huppah) omo the terrace. It was quite 
tall, about nine feet. and was construct- 
ed of aluminum and bedecked with thou 
sands of posies. He had them position it 


and the small asm 

Goshen, Neon, Op Chief Beame and 
James Brows as ushers, helped 
the unsteady groom down the carpet as 
the accordion player squeezed ow Be- 
cause of You, halted it after a few bars 
fooled with You're 
Mine, stopped again, consulted a sheal 
ofa nd then Because, 
the onlookers sahing with relief, “Turn 
round, L4" said Goshen. "You've got 
company.” 

She cme. E s soft padded feet 
leaving fourinch inden the 
rug. From the first notes of her theme 
song he Knew she had made an irrepara- 
ble break with her past for his sike. The 
notes were the same, but now the tape 
rolled out a special new version by a &m- 
dai 


around Because 


went into 


asic 


ions in 


tor: dai, bime, bime, bime, bime, 
dai dai... 

From that m lis gray eyes 
Lypnotized by her bottomless black pools 
peeping over the veil, he was in a dream, 
somehow. managing to repeat. woodenly 
what was asked of him by Rabbi Hall- 
stein. A voice in the dream said, “Ri 
Mr. Bond? Ring! Ring! Ring 

He heard himself say: “Somebody an- 
swer the phone.” Goshen suickered. took 
the y renübofz-cnat gamet ring 
i pocket and. placed it in his fec 
ble fingers. 

"Now. sab Rabbi Hallstein, 
monial breaking of the 
mind us of the destruction of our temple 
in ancient times and the bitterness of 
lile we must endure." Bond's bleary eyes 
focused on the rabbi's hand as it placed 
the glass near his feet. “Break the glass, 
Bond,” sid the amused spiritual 


“the 
lass to re- 


leader. Bond drove his Angora bedsock 


down hard and sent Goshen hopping off 
wih a crushed big toe. "Again, Mr. 
Bond.” Loathing himself for the simpe: 
ing grin he knew marred the cruel 
darkly handsome face, Bond stepped 
down again, missing by a wide margin. 


lz, you dotty, frightened boy!" Sarah 
said, "Em net going to be unlawlully 
yours a single moment more. This is 
job for Mrs. Israel Bond." With a spar 
kling laugh, Sarah Lawrence of Arabia 
Bond lifted her well-turned leg. 

"No! No!” It was the rabbi, suangely 
enraged. Down came Saralrs foot and her 
soft-soled ballerina splintered it resound- 


ingly. “There, that’s done, Hold me, m 
lovely, lovely husband. Oh, Fm goin 
to 


She crumpled to the red carpet. Now 
the smog of fear was burned off his 
mind: he sprang to her side and cradled 
her de his The uncovered 
part of her face was bluc 

"Dear, dear. The excitement, I sup- 
pose.” It was Rabbi Hallstein calming 
the shocked wedding guests. “See to her, 
dear people, PI roll the huppal away to 
give the poor child some breathing 
room." He put his shoulders against a 
side and guided it toward the terrace's 


eb oin 


anms. 


railing, 

» my Tove.” His eyes hot and 
salty, Bond pulled away her veil to 
minister mout 


we 


Sarah Lawrence of Arabia's upper lip 
was adorned with a thick black, neatly 
immed military mustache. 

She mumbled in a dying voice: "Curse 
twenty-fourth to 
ghth. related to Lawrence by mar- 
| a The Lawrence Lip’... im- 
bale of hormones . . . must shave 
daily . | . didn't want you to know till 
married .. . so sleepy soe 

The smell from the shards of glass! 
Yes die p juice ol 
veras frog of the Honduran swamps: 
r venom has ever existed 


of all female cousins 
forty 


the cala- 


reatie 


was gone. He knew who was 
responsible 

“Holzknicht, you kraut fiend!” 

From the #uppah, which had. sudden- 


ly acquired a seat that held Rabbi Hall 
stein, came a flash. and hot metal creased 
Bond's scalp. “Die, Bond! This is Nazi 
Germany's reveng 

“Izt” Goshen yelled at the top of his 
lungs. “Take my gun! You finish the 
sadistic bastard.” As Goshen slung the 
snub-nosed TempestStorm 44 across the 
floor to the llauenedout Israeli, Dr 
Ernst Holzknicht, who had brilliantly 
played his part. cut the CIA op chief 
down with three slu 

Then from the top ob dic 
emerged rotor blades, whirring, lifting it 
slowly. The traditional canopy of a Jew 
ish marriage was a garlanded lelicopter! 

Throwins all cau nd 
made it to the six 


canopy 


a aside, 
g chopper in 


“If you recall, Miss Faversham, I gave you ample 
warning that this job had occupational hazards.” 


177 


PLAYBOY 


178 


unbelievable leaps and squeezed the 
fingers of his left hand around thc circu- 
lar steel frame to which the three wheels 
were attached. shoved the gun into the 
pocket of his Sunkist orange tuxedo and 
grabbed other si aches of the bar 
with his right. Dr. Holzknicht, three 
feet above him, thrashed out with his 
Heidelberg bedsocks in an attempt to 


smash Bond's fingers, scoring a ghincing 
hit on the right hand, but he was forced 


10 pay attention to the controls, for now 
the chopper was high over the terrace, 
fighting for altitude against the pull of 
Bond's weight. The Israeli felt the wind, 
so deceptively gentle on the terrace, be- 
come a dangerous Hydra-headed force, 
buffeting him this way and that. and he 
squeezed harder, Up went the chopper— 
the 94th floor, the 99th; he looked down 
and saw death beckoning from the sucet 
some 1200 feet away... 

It was over the very tip of the Empire 
State Building’s TV tower that the scien- 
tist exploded h ick. He pushed a 
bution that jettisoned the circular 
frame, Now Bond was falling from the 
underpinnings of the craft, Holiknicht 
soaring away with a savage laugh. 

"Auf Wiedersehen, jüdischer dumm- 


kopf!" 
Goucnu! Bond fell toward the tower. 
then with a divine inspiration, thrust 


the steel ring over the slender TV tower 
tip and came to a tecth-rattling stop. 

Ringer! 

He had made himself a living quoi 

The impact bent the tower. which 
began to rock sickeningly back and forth, 
but he held fast. Close your eyes, fool! 
Don't look down until you've reg 
your equilibrium or you'll surrender to 
mad urge let Think about 
something else. 
terrible reception the a 
TV viewers were geuing thi 
stunt because of the swaying tower 
the Mets really look shaky now, 
donic wit told him. 

There was a clatter above—Holz 
knicht, stunned by Bonds coup. cir 
ded back for the kill. Bond released. his 
righthand grip on the steel ring 10 
fish Goshen's gun from the tux. He bit a 
sensual lip as the chopper zeroed 
Why doesn’t Herr Doktor open up wi 
his machine gun? I'm defenseless against 
it. The phtphtpht of the blades. s 


d 


and m 


He thought about the 
rs millions of 
very in- 
Bet 


ve 


him the gv iswer. A last bit of Ar 
sport. Holzknicht wanted to maneuver 
the craft in such a way that the blades 
would . . 


Now! You'll have only or 
dy bov. Bond, his clothes Mapy 


e shot, bud 
by ihe 


blade-made breeze, put a single shot into 
the copter. He hadut aimed for 
Holkuicht; i was the machine he had 
10 stop before it shredded him into 


Cohenletti. Not a bad line, he smiled, 
g where Pam. 
the first sputter, thi 


conse: 


He he: 


n a vi- 


olent choking sound and knew he had 
hit the conuol box and severed vital 
wires. 

The doctor was 


antically climbing 
smoke began to curl 
Then Holknicht Ieaped 
onto the tower, but he lailed 10 grab it 
solidly and began a long slide toward 
Bond. “Die with me, [üde'" His feet 

ne down ponderously on the hand in 
the ring and Bond screamed: his bloody 


squashed fingers released it. They we 
Hing together. 
Even as he fell, Holzknicht’s hands 


moved to ihroule Bond and the liter 
felt nails tearing at his neck, then slip- 
ping off as a crosscurrent swept the falling 
Nazi away from him. 

The air rushed through Bond's nose 
and ears; he could hardly catch his 
breath. He fell headfirst past the 86th 
floor and heard M's heartrending cry, 
down. down, past the 75th, where his face 
was spoued by a curvaceous bruneuc in 
a window, BLOCK X TACHLI MARINE. 
LAwvERS, whose eyes lit up in recogni 
tion. Yes, Shirley Shtark, she of the un- 
forgettable weekend at Brown's Hotel 
in the Cawkills, a body beautiful who 
the “Miss Jerry Lewis Fa- 
vorite Resort” swimsuit title: be true to 
me, sweet Shirley: goodbye , . . past the 
46th, KELSEY KOMPUTERS .. . hell he 
owned a hundred shares of that! And 
ivs go id you're going 
down, down. his wit needled him again; 
the 32nd ... just a few morc. seconds, 
Oy Oy Seven, and thst dithe, muscular 
body you prize so will be a stinking mess 
of smashed atoms on the 34th Street 
sidewalk... the 25th . . . at least uie 
dhing kraut gocs with me; 1 hope youre 
watching him blubbering as he Falls, 
Sarah, my darling: the 19th hey 
TANTAMOUNT PICTURES is holding a screen. 
ing of The Dead Lay Wounded on the 
Road to Smolensk: not bad: 1 saw it at 
the Cannes Film Festival . . . the lead 
ing lady was better in my bed than she 


had won 


e up up. - 


in the leading man’s... Sonia, PI 

... the 12th, Mh, 5th, it's 
coming, Oy Oy Seven, the cement iharll 
disimegrte you into... 3 2 1... 


pain, pain. pain, Israel Bond crashed 
into something huge and black and his 
fall to glory was oves 


«Festival Week, that annual 
excursion into the nostalgia of yesteryear 
was in full swing, At the Hotel. Statle 
the Orphan Annie Fan Club crowded 
into a suite 10 sin 


Who's that sloppy little mess? 

Who wears that sane ol” goddamn 
dress? 

Who can it be? 

Is Little Orphan Annict 


Miss Hecate 
the 


The oldest 
Raintree of 


member, a 


Omaha, was given 


coveted privilege of interjecting "Arf 
Sez Sandy" at the appropriate moment 
in the song, not so much in deference to 
her golden years as for the fact that she 
possessed a pair of lidless, lashless, pupil- 
less eyes. The new Lincoln Center for 
the Performing Seals housed a tremen: 
dous Trivia contest attended by 12,000 
Triviaddicts, the very best of all an 
Elmo (Mr. Total. Recall) Trickypepper 
of Shortweight. Oklaho who remem- 
bered that it was Tastee-Yeast who spon- 
sored Jack Dempseys My Battle with 
Life. At the Americana the Tisch. clan 
hosted the Billy Batson bunch; the 
Donald Meck fans, every bit as fa 
ous as their hero, ate watercress patties 
«dat or 
The Butterfly 


on paper plates and titt 
other at the Warwick 
McQueen and Amos "n" Andy fan dubs 
gathered at the Drake, made two historic 
decisions: (1) to merge: (2) to accept 
Negro members. 

Cuter solemnity, and quite fitting 
marked the Robert Armstrong Fan Club 
outdoor conclave on 34th Street. The 
president, made up and costumed to em- 
ulate the rugged film star, took off his 
pith helmet and Ted the members in the 
somber recital of the immoral old 
lines: “It wasn't the airplanes that. got 
him: oh. no. “Twas Beauty who Killed 
the Beast" AIL whispered “Amen 

So it was that a few minutes later the 
sorrowing M led Latakia and the other 
crushed. weeping wedding guests out of 
a side e not thar Oy 
Oy Seven had landed fush upon 
the R.ALF.G.’s 5040n Andy Warhol- 
designed foamsubber replica. of King 
Kong, who himself had taken die hor 
rendous plunge off the world’s tallest 
structure in the 1933 film classic. 

Israel Bond, waist-deep in rubber and 
matted fur, was bloody and battered— 
understandbly—but very much alive. 
There was no elation in his heart, for he 
had sen the warped genius who had 
own true loves lile bounce off 
the simian's skull into the back of a mox 
ing beer truck. Bond’s lips twisted into a 
moue of irony as the gray eves sported 
the brand name on the disappe 
heer wuck—Lowenbiau. And they. say 
we're canis. he thought bitterly. 

There'll be a day of judgmem, me 


too, 


knowin 


rance. 


liber. Doktor Emst Holsknic Well 
oss rails again, Maybe on an Alpine 
mountaintop. on a burning doer, in 


some impenetrable rain 
truthful, 1 hope it isn't a rain forest. My 
rainforest anire is the lest stylish. part 
of my whole wardrobe), on a frozen tun 
dra or across a crowded room. And once 


I have found you. PIL never let you go 


forest (to be 


This is the conclusion of a two-part 
serialization of Nol. Weinstein'y parody 
“On the Secret Service of His Majesty 


the Queen.” 


“Really, Mary, I wish you wouldn't do that... 1” 


179 


PLAYBOY 


180 


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