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que ULTIMATE SPORT М 
Ha By KEN W: PURDY я. 


EE Кыйа" 


А 
Mr people Bing ріс 


OLD CROW). 


“TRAVELER 


find in the 
today Old is the most popular Bourbon in the | and. 
Enjoy the Traveler at no extra charge. 


f The tuckaway fifth that 
packs as flat as your shirt! 


SEAST COAST F олешен HIGHER IN THE WEST FOR OVERSEAS DELIVERY амо OIER INFORMATION. WHITE THE BRITISH MOTOR сое /+4HBRO, INC., осот B-18. 734 слано AVE „MIOCEFIELD- N -1 


Quick and easy | 


e. 
Ex ah Healey Sprite 
. y > keeps on winning 
N i] more fame and 
glory than any- 
я , [ thing else in its 
class, you know 
Still | d 


But 


j 
good. 
there's no law that says you can't go and make it even better. 
Take the Sprite's new 1275cc. engine. It's the same basic 
engine that powered prototype Sprites to victory in their 
ж f 


class at Sebring and Le Mans. It runs more quietly and 
H { smoothly, wears longer with no babying, and raises the 
horsepower 10%—from 59 to 65. 

X With more torque at lower revs and more power at 
X higher revs, the flexibility of the engine is markedly 
\ improved along with acceleration and maximum 

speed. Even so, you can still get 30 thrifty 

miles to the gallon. 
Other new touches: New easy folding top 
with 3.3-Square foot rear window. New 6%-inch 

[/ diaphragm clutch that works smoothly with mini- 


mum pedal pressure. 

Plus, of course, race-bred rack-and-pinion steering 
and low-slung, road-gripping suspension for masterful 
cornering and road handling. Self-adjusting disc brakes up 
front for positive stops. And the comfort of wind-up windows 
» and foam bucket seats. One thing is still the same. The Sprite is 
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MG/Austin Healey dealer and see how much more sports car 

you can now get for under $2,000. 


(STER Sprite: another action car from the sign of the Octagon. 


The Good Guys are always on the White Horse Ё 


Where else would you find them? White Horse is a Scotch with all the 

social graces. A taste that is smooth. Subtle. Persuasive. On the rocks or 
in the tall ones, White Horse comes through. Q 
Good guys deserve their White Horse. So do you. 


PLAYBILL "vow 
front again this 
month, (Her rLaynoy cover debut, as а 
tattooed secret agent heralding James 
Bond's Girls in November 1905, was 
mong the most striking in our 16Lcover 
history.) Beth's wind-blown trackside ap- 
ance signals one of the milestones 
ad on the May м.лувоу circuit crowd- 
ed with high-powered fiction, fast-paced 
arides and supercharged pictorial fea 
tures. German. photographer Horst Bau- 
mann and prAvBOY Contributing Editor 
Ken W. Purdy, who created this month's 
automotive extravaganza, The Grand 
Prix, are widely considered the world's 
vg photographer and 
respectively, This makes the 
results of their collaboration here some- 
thing of an ultimate essay on what has 
become man's most glamorous sport 
Our lead story is a work of poignant 
realism about the Korean. War. Day of 
Good Fortune is the first published fiction 
of Rafael Steinberg, a Tokyo-based free- 
lance correspondent 
er. In 1951, Steinberg was in Korea as 


best ашон 
chronicle 


war correspondent. of which experience 
Ay 


he told и ley like the one in this 
story existed, and there was such a vil 
, and there wa 
s about all ] should say." $ 
—who categorizes himsell as "a stupefy- 
ingly erratic player of go, а lairveather 
smalL-boat sailor and an insatiate explor- 
er of the Japanese evening"—adds, “Гуе 
been writing fiction, or trying to, for 
yems. The conilics and contrasts be: 
tween East and West, Asians and Ame: 
cans, is a theme that has intrigued me for 
some time, as this story indicates. 

Other Мау fiction includes cartoonist 
thor Gahan Wilson's macabre fable 
а Was Wet as Wet Could Be: а 
deceptive tale of biological science fictio 


GUNTHER, 


Wise Child. by Britisher John (The Mid- 
wich Cuckoos) Wyndham: and John D. 
MacDonald's Quarrel, which describes 
the comic fate of a hipster whom love 
makes square. The ninth and tenth 
novels in MacDonald's Travis McGee 
tough-guy series are scheduled for pub- 
lication this year, and a MacDonald study 
of the Dr. Carl A. Coppolino murder 
trials, to be called No Deadly Medicine, 
will appear in 1968. 

Curbing Americas Invisible Govem- 
ment: The CLA, by Ohio's junior Demo- 
cra or, Stephen M. Young, is an 
extraordinarily ti plea for er 
control over the € 
Americans with offici; 


А by one of the few 
knowledge of the 
Agency's scope. A decorated veteran of 
both World Wars and a member of the 
mmittee on Armed Services, Senator 
Young is known both for his crusades 
inst Government secrecy (he was the 
first member of Congress 10 make a public 
statement of his financial holdings) and 
for his brilliantly caustic replies to crack- 
pot mail from constituents. 
Confirmation of our longstanding sus- 
picion that much of the world’s literary 
legwork is done with one foot on a brass 
i] was contained in а поте from author 
Мах (The Spli-Level Trap) Gunther 
about his researches for this month's The 
Sonics Boom: "Trying to find out about 
sonic weapons, I quickly found I'd get 
g questions in the Penta- 
gon. So I bought a couple of drinks for a 
military officer one night in а Washing- 
ton bistro. He was trying to show me 
what various sounds sounded like, and 1 
repeated them to check my understand- 
ing. We whistled, yodeled, hooted. Two 
drunken businessmen began to ape the 
twice the The bar- 
w them out, and [ 
r way down the block." 


nowhere aski: 


sounds at volun 
tender du 


them yodel th 


heard 


{winning screenplay that 
nently in Stephen H. Yafa's 
Fast They Learn has, Steve 
tells us, grown through two and one half 
years into а novel—to be called Paxton 
Quigley’s Had the Course and to be 
published Lute this fall. Since his gradwa- 
tion from Dartmouth in 1963, Steve has 
been studying, teaching in а Watts cle- 
mentary school and wi with the 
sometimes disillusioning consequences 
described in his first PLAYBOY piece, but 
generally with a remarkable measure of 
success. 

Sol (Oy Oy Seven) Weinstein's 
farcicil Playboy Interview with Brook- 
lyn comic Woody Allen arrived with word 
from Sol that he is currently “organizing 
the first Bob Dy! Golf Classic and also 
tying the grou discotheque 
for football players, to be called the 
Whiskey-à-Gopolak." Besides the manic 
Allen interview. Mays humor abounds in 
the form of another hairbreadth episode 
of Little Annie Fanny; and Open Your 
Mouth—My Foot Is Stuck, by D. С. 
Lloyd and Larry Siegel, a sure-fire glossary 
of mung, if friend-losing, rejoinders to 
asinine questions. No less conspicuous by 
their presence in this issue are the 1e 
doubtable delights of the female form, 
most notably in Sylvan Sylva, an unhur- 
ried eight-page view of the sensuous new 
Italian sex star, Sylva Koscina; and in 
The Late Show, a. pictorial revelation— 
through the peekaboo gaps of the 
styles in masculine sleepwear—ol 
admirably canulevered configuration of 
Peyton Places Barbara Parkins. АП this 
and more—such as Thomas Mario's deep 
draught of the heady world of brunet 
beers in Through a Glass—Darkly and 
Lucius Beebe's The Golden Age of Mo- 
bile Gastronomy—are commingled with- 
in for a light and bright May collation. 


ui 


»urde- 


dwork for 


MACDONALD. 


STEINBERG 


vol. 14, no. 5—may, 1967 


PLAYBOY. 


The Grond Prix 


The Golden Age 


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CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


PLAYBILL PERG 
DEAR PLAYBOY... е 9 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS _ 2 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 49 
PLAYBOY'S INTERNATIONAL DATEBOOK—trav. PATRICK CHASE 53 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM. г Е m : 55 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: WOODY ALLEN—candid conversation... 63 


RAFAEL STEINBERG 74 
ROBERT L. GREEN 78 


DAY OF GOOD FORTUNE-fiction 
THE LATE SHOW-—eMiro 

THE SEA WAS WET AS WET COULD 6E—fiction GAHAN WILSON 83 
MY, HOW FAST THEY LEARN—article STEPHEN Н, YAFA 84 
THE GRAND PRIX—sports._ Я КЕМ W. PURDY 88 


QUARREL —fiction JOHN D. MACDONALD 95 
THE ClA—articte " U.S. SENATOR STEPHEN M. YOUNG 97 
QUEEN ANNE—ployboy’s playmate of the month —- 98 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor 106 


THROUGH A GLASS—DARKLY —food ond drink THOMAS MARIO 109 
D. G. LLOYD ond LARRY SIEGEL. 111 


MAX GUNTHER 112 


OPEN YOUR MOUTH —humer. 
THE SONICS BOOM —orlicle. : 
SYLVAN SYLVA—pictorial 
WISE CHILD —fiction. JOHN WYNDHAM 125 
THE GOLDEN AGE OF MOBILE GASTRONOMY—memoi LUCIUS BEEBE 126 
А FRENCH LESSON —ribald clossic MARGARET OF NAVARRE 131 
VERY COOL FOR MAY attire ROBERT L. GREEN 133 
YOU MAY WELL WONDER, MARTY—fiction KARL PRENTISS 135 
ies 152 


ON THE SCENE—personali 


LITTLE ANNIE FANNY—satire HARVEY KURTZMAN ond WILL ELDER 201 


HUGH м. HEFNER editor and. publisher 
A. C. SPECTORSKY associate publisher and editorial director 
ARTHUR PALL art director 


JACK J. KESSIE managing editor VINCENT Т. TAJIRI picture editor 


SHELDON WAX assistant managing editor; MURRAY FISHER, NAT LEHMAN senior 
edilors; ROME MACAULEY fiction editor; JAMES GOODE, ARIMUR RRETCHMER, 
MICHAEL LAURENCE associate editors; ROBERT L. GREEN fashion director; DAVID TAYLOR 
associate fashion editor; THOMAS мамо food & drink editor; PATRICK CHASE travel 
editor; J. PAUL cerry Contributing editor, business è finance; KEN W. PUKDY con 
tributing editor; ARLENE BOURAS copy chief; DAVID BUTLER, HENRY FENWICK, JONN 
GAUREE, LAWRENCE LINDFEMAN, CARI SNYDER, DAVID STEVENS, ROGER WIDENEIR, KONERT 
ANTON WILSON assistant edilors; Wy CHAMBERLAIN associate picture editor; MARILYN 
Granowski assistant picture edilor; MARIO CASI, LARRY GORDON, J. BARRY 
O'ROURKE, POMPEO POSAR, ALEXAS URBA, JERRY YULSMAN staff photographers; STAN 
MALINOWSKI coulribuling. photographer; RONALD MAUNE asociale art director; 
NORM SCHAEFER, BOR POST, ED WEISS, JOSEPI PACZEK assistant art directors; WMMIK 
MICE ALIMAN assistant cartoon editor; 
jonx MASTHO production manager; ALLEN VARGO assistant production manat 
PAT parras rights aud permissions © HOWARD w. LEDERER advertising director; 
JULES KASE associate advertising manager; SHERMAN KENIS chicago advertising 
manager; yosten GUENTHER detroit advertising manager; NELSON FOTON promotion 
director; WELMUT LORSCIL publicity muna; ANY DUNN public relations man- 
ager; ANSON MOUNT public affairs manager; тико FREDERICK personnel. director; 
JANET PILGRIM reader хета ALVIN WIEMOLD subscription manager; 
Special projects; wowenr s, marvss business manager and circulation director. 


ох SELLERS 


Should a gentleman offer a Tiparillo to a lab technician? 


Underneath that pocket of pencils the neat, white tip. She knows that And she's ready. 


there beats the heart of a digital there are two Tiparillos. Regular, But how about you? Which 
computer. This girl has already for a mild smoke. Or new Tiparillo — Tiparillo are you going to offer? Or 
catalogued and cross-indexed the M with menthol, for a cold smoke. аге you just going to stand there 


Tiparillo slim, elegant shape. And She knows. She's programmed. and stare at her pencils? 


“Budweiser. 
is the best reason 


in the world 
to drink beer 


Tonight mix your daiquiris 
with Ronrico, the light 

tasteful rum from Puerto Rico. 
You might really stir up something. 


М у 


RONRICO ^ 


Rum in a new light 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


Е ооз pLaveoy MAGAZINE - PLAYBOY BUILDING. oro N. MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


MARK LANE INTERVIEW 


I read with great enthusiasm 


February interview with Mark Lane. Its 


your 


revelations about the Warren Report 
hard to imag 
ine, in our supposedly democratic socie 


were utterly shocking. It 


that such a mockery of justice could be 
tolerated. [applaud Lane and his coura- 
geous attempt to unveil the truth. 
Мугпа Spina 
San Jose, California 


PLAYBOY'S interview with Mark Lane 
was terrifying. Lane's suggestion of a pos- 
sible cover-up by the Warren Commission 
and the FBI shakes the foundations of 
our Government. Not that I completely 
believe Lane. Like most Americans, 1 am 
utterly confused by the Kennedy assassi- 
nation. However, if even опе of Lane's 
accusations is proven correct, the authen: 
ticity of the Wa Report will be 
destroyed. 1 hope that through the work 
of such doubters as Lane 


ren 
а new inves 
will be opened. Only through a 
new study my troubled 
(and countless 
others) be resolved. 


will thoughts 


those of thousands of 


Robert Abrams 
Indianapolis, Indiana 


revelat 


Lane's ons completely a 
tounded us Filipinos, 10 whom your 
President Kennedy is a martyr. We can 
now only hope that the case will be re 
opened, and soon. Thank you for one of 
your best interviews yet—and for а 
great magazine. 


Joe Mari Chan 
Manila, Philippines 


I found myself amazed and intrigued 
by your interview with Mark Lane. True 
as it is that Lane has a very strong case 
the value of the interview does not end 
there. Ls high time the American people 
stopped taking the infallible word of the 
Government at face value and started to 
question some of Uncle Sam's more du. 
bious declarations. The primary question 
is not Oswald's guilt, but whether the 
American people have the right to know 
the wuth, Does President Johnson's exec 
ative power also include the right to pro: 
m 


our virgin cars from ihe harsh 


sounds of reality? Hats off to Mark Lane 


nd to rrAvnov for their 


itempts to lift 
Government has. 
tried to place over the public eye 
"Thomas R. DuBois 
Hobart College 
York 


the Golden Fleece our 


I do not think that this whole fiasco 
could ever happen in England. Our rej 
resentatives liament might be 
biased. daft and ignorant—but they 
know who put them in power and who 
can just as casily put them out, That, of 
course, is the English people, and we 
would be satisfied with nothing less than 
the truth. 

The whole of American politics is on 
trial now. not only before the American 
people but before the world. The feeling 
here is: “The whole thing stinks то high 
heaven.” Get the smell out, Americans, 
and do justice to the man—Jobn K 
dy—who tried to р 


m 
et justice for you. 
A. J. Smith 
Reading, Engl 


nd 


The last time I saw Mark I 
the fall of 1963. He was cruising down 
Fast Mih Street in a sound truck. blar 
ing some nonsense in an effort to estab- 
lish a new "power base" on the Lower 
East Side of New York. Partly because 
of the community newspaper (Town & 
Village). which I was then editing, Lane 
was blocked in that effort. 

A few weeks later, President Kennedy 
was killed, and shortly thereafter 1 went 
to North Carolina (о cover civil rights 
demonstratioi Klan resurgence. 
Lane, like Captain Ahab, began pursu 
ing the most enormous white whale in all 
American. history 

So now it is 1967. in an Ameri 
transformed by the events of November 
1063. Now we are all on the dark side of 
the moon, in a cratered land where few 
men trust their neighbors. Because I 
once helped defeat Lane on a matter of 
peripheral importance—where, as а mat 
ter of fact, he richly deserved defeat—I 
оме Mark Lane just this: 

1 am stunned by the profound thor- 
oughness and cold savagery ol his posi- 
tion, but even more by his extraordinary 
growth as a human being. He exudes 
now a sense of icy control and. purpose 
ful integrity. It is my hope that Repre- 


ne was in 


s and 


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ith 


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call it? SEVEN SEAS. 


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PLAYBOY 


sentative Theodore R. Kupferman of 


Somebody finally sat down and designed a New York will once again introduce his 
professional fishing goggle. resolution calling for a blue-ribbon Con- 


Every fisherman learns one fact very early: the fish has one RE nndis MA M A om 
advantage; he can see you but you can't see him. Ш Well, be- evenit surrounding, the ee ae: 
ginning today, Renauld puts you on even terms: you can see Pete Young 

him below the surface of the water. Just put on a pair of the Lawreresvi 
great new fishing goggles, the Wide Angler. Suddenly, you're 
looking into—not onto the water. Ingeniously visored polarized 
lenses cut through surface reflection and glare. You see those 
sneaky, wily fish as they plot their sneaky, wily fish tricks on 
you. You'll find Wide Anglers (there's a great women's model, 
too) atthe best sporting goods departments and stores through- 


‚ New Jersey 


ulations for another excellent 
I have just one quest 
Am 
nt reopen the 


Congr 


m 


do 


out the U. S. and Canada. At $7.50 you'll agree they're sensa- Lew Motorese 
tional—unless,you happen to be a fish. 


more, New York 
Write to your Congressmen, 
REMNGULD» 


INTERNATIONAL, LTD. Lane has obviously done his home- 
85t Burtway. Burlingame, work and done it well, and we would 


ol ve 


Шох 
шоп into the 
ter considerin 


like to cast our 
opening the 
mation. Howeve 


a fave 


Renauld research cuts the glare— 
lets you see the fish 


though subtly put. see 
Government plot invol 
FBI, the Secret Service 
police force—we 
CIA and the FBI 
cret Service. are ^ 
age bear" They h 
the most advanced. technological devel 
opments, The 
were, in fact 
plan to liquidate J.F.K., why would it 
be carried out in front of thousands of 
witnesses? The assassination, althoug 
succeeded, seems to have been very 
wish, planned and executed. by 
urely a ^ 7 death 
would have been far easier to arrange— 
and would have aroused much less 
attention. 


. Trimble 
ines 
Kingston, Ontario 


Though in my judgment your Mark 
Lane interview as a whole was a very 
sorry alla deed, in terms of objective 
analysis, the only specific comment. I 
would wish to make is that I never, at 
any time, made the statement attributed 
to me—indeed, it is in quotes—in the 
interview. Nor, of coursc, 
other member of the W 
sion ever motivated by sucl 
John J. McCloy 
New York, New York 
Е". Lane's statement. was: “One of the 
It takes more than martinis | commision member Tolor T. ALCIA 
to build an image, mister. said it was vital for the Commission to 
а ‘show the world that America іх not a 
banana republic, where а go: 


nment 


Lane's 
dard. Jay Epstein's “In 
quest,” wherein. Epstein attributes pre- 
cisely these words to McCloy, from 
interview conducted by Epstein in New 
York City on June 7, 1965. Epstein, 


can be changed by conspiracy 
source was 


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contacted in Cambridge, Massachusetts, 
where he is currently studying, told 
PLAYBOY that McCloy had definitely 
made the statement, but that the inter 
view was not taped, McCloy, former 
Assistant Secretary of War and former 
American High Commissioner. for Ger 
many, may have been misquoted, but we 
think it's unfortunate that he did not 
elect to repudiate the remark when it 
originally appeared, almost а year ago. 
in Epstein's best-selling book—which was 


widely publicized and praised for its 
authenticity. 


In 
and newspapers, at least Lane admits he 
is no firearms expert. Anyone familiar 
with shooting с uest to the echo 
effect, especially in an area of hard sur 
faces, such as those surrounding the 
Kennedy assassination site in Dalla 

C. H. Houser 
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 

The echo question has been posed pre- 
viously. Lane's reply: "Since echoes could 
have played such a crucial role in deter 
mining the validity of eyewtiness place- 
ment of the shots, the Commission should 
have restaged the shooting with bystanders 
and actual gunfire to determine the echo 
characteristics of Dealey Plaza. This the 
Commission never did.” 


rush to sell books, magazines 


In your interview, Lane states (on 
pages 53 and 54): “I'm not a rifle expert 
ог а policeman, but 1 was able to take 
one look at that weapon and 
ingly identily it as а 6.5 Italian rille, not a 
7.65 German Mauser, Because etched 


ahesitat- 


clearly on the stock of the gun were the 
manufacturer's words: ‘маре MALY’ and 
tear. 6.5." 

Anyone who knows anything about 
firearms would know that no such in- 
scription exists. F 
designated. according 10 bore, under the 
metric system. Therefore. the inscription 
would have то read "6.5 Millimeters"— 
which is usually abbreviated to “м.м,” 
on rifles. Lane states emphatically and in 
quotation marks that he saw “CAL. 6.5" 
stamped on the stock. Since he is а law- 
yer, he should be the first to admit one 
misrepresentation of fact. if exposed, can 
discredit a whole testimony. 

Dennis Matsoi 
Western. Washington College 
Bellingham, Washington 

Perhaps; but in this instance, Lane is 
correct. A close-up photo of the rifle is 
published as Commission Exhibit 511 on 
page 239 of volume 17 of the Commis- 
sion's “Hearings and Exhibits.” The pho- 
to shows the inscription “CAL. 6.5." The 
inscription is also quoted—but not. pic- 
tured—on pages 51, 553 and 551 of the 
Warren Report itself. 


Iropean weapons are 


Mark Lane made a number of mis 


tements in his interview: 


aw either a 
man ас the sixth-Hoor window of the 
Texas School Book Depository or a gun 
protruding from the window. Witness 
Brennan had noticed а man in the sixth 
floor window several minutes before the 
shooting began. Three employees on 
ihe fifth floor heard rifle shells drop on 
the floor above. 
Э. Regardless of initial misstatements 
by the police as to the exact make of rille 
found in the building, the fact remains 
that ballistics experts agreed. that. the 
bullet found in Parkland Hospi 
the bullet fragments found in the Presi- 
dential limousine were fired from Os- 
wald’s Carcano rifle, "to the exclusion of 
all other wea The same opinion 
applied to the empty caruidge cases 
found with the rille 

3. Numerous witnesses saw Oswald 
running down the street after the shoot 
ing of Oficer Tippit. Several identified 
Oswald at the police line-up. Empty 
shells at the scene of the crime were 
identified as having been fired from Os 
wald’s pistol “to the exclusion of all other 
weapons.” According to Lane, Oswald 
must have grabbed the murder weapon 
from the murderer's hands and run down 
the street with it. How silly can you get? 

Inaccuracies such as these make all of 
Lan 


1. Numerous witnesses 


and 


pons: 


s statements suspect. 
Lester F. Keene 
Cape Canaveral, Florida 


In the preface to your interview with 
Mark Lane, vou quoted extensively from 
my critical review of his book Rush to 
Judgment, You added, correctly, that 
Norman Mailer had reviewed the book 
favorably. As a writer best known for his 
fiction, Mailer is frequently interesting 
and provocuive—aánd а fiction writer 
would be as qualified as anyone to review 
another's fiction. But Lanes book is of 
fered 10 the public as fact—a le 
critique of the Warren Commission's in 
anion. And so | venture to suggest 
that Mailer may nor be Tully equipped to 


vest 


assess the merits of Lane's attack. on the 
Warren Report, 

lı is doubtful that Mailer bad read the 
Commission's 26 volumes of supporting 


exhibits 


fore cheering Lanes “100 


es of . . . ‘staggering facis" " In any 


it. it is clear that Mailer had had no 


occasion 10 examine those volumes with 
meticulous care. Even discarding the fact 


that Mailer is neither legal scholar nor 


historian, trained and experienced in the 
testing of evidence, it can safely be said 
that his enthusiasm for Lane's profitable 
jeremiad would have been dampened by 
а comparison of it with the Commission's 
exhibits 

A representative example of Lane's 
techniq es 32 and 


33 of his book. As a vital part of his 


ıe can be found on pa 


Paccione 


\ 

\ 

\ \ 

\ b. 
\ 

\ \ 

\ \ 

\ \ 

\ 


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Pick our Triple-Track stripe or any of the many dashing patterns and colors we make. Button-down collar with 
longish roll and true-tapered fit. You'll look smooth from morning 'til night and from now 'til you're eligible for 
Medicare. Short-sleeve models, $4 to $6. For names of nearby retailers, write to h.i.s, 16 East 34th St., N.Y, 10016 


PLAYBOY 


M 


If you're about 
to buy a watch, 
why not make 
sure it's a 


1 stop watch 

2 time out stop watch 
3 doctor's watch 

4 yachting timer 

5 tachometer 

6 aviator's watch 

7 time zone watch 

8 skin diver's watch 


9 regular watch 


Why not make sure it's the 
Chronomaster by Croton, $100. 
Write for free fact book: 

Dept. P-5, Croton Watch Co. 
Croton-On-Hudson, N. Y. 


CROTON 


CHRONOMASTER 


GOES STEADY GOES STEADY 
GOES STEADY GOES STEADY 


effort to demonstrate that some assassi- 
i shots came from a grassy knoll 
ahead of the Kennedy limousine, Lane 
quotes one J. C. Price as deposing that 
he saw running atop the rise a man who 
“had something in his hand.” Those who 
cave enough about the truth to check the 
pertinent Commission exhibit volume 
age discover that Lane 


saying he thought th 
have been carrying “а 
much for Lane's sinister implication that 
it was a gun. 

I once confronted. Lane with this em- 
barrassing example on Irv Kupcinet’s 
Chicago television program. Lanc’s only 
response was that in a 478-page book he 
couldn't quote everything in the. Com- 
mission volumes. (After the laughter had 
subsided, Lane brought out his photo- 
graph purporting to show Jack Ruby ас 
the assassi He showed it to 
the wrong тап. Kup, who has bcen 
around, promptly "That's 
not Jack. Гуе known him for years.” And 
Kup was right) 

Anyone uncurious enough to read and 
believe Lane's shapeless collection of 
distortions and sly innuendoes without 
st, or afterward, read the Warren. 
Report and its exhibit volumes. carus the 
ame gullible. It being demonstrably 
ue, 1 repeat my published. statement 
that Lanes book “passes beyond the 
rely superficial, g frequently 
dishonest as well. 

John R. Waltz 

Profesor of Law 
Northwestern U 
Evanston, Illinois 


tion 


с 


pounced: 


be 


THE DRAFT 

I would 
homas B. С 
the draft (Conscription and Com- 
pravnov, February). 
extremely well-articulated 
argument for the establishment of 


е to commend Congress- 


m is for his fine article 


on 


mitment, Curtis 


presents an 


all-volunteer Army. In my research, 
presented to the recent Dralt Conference 
at the of Chicago and to 


meetings of the American Economic As- 
sociation, I have also attempted to est 
mate the economic costs of the draft 
terms of the implicit tax that is placed 
on those who are forced by а draft 
bility to serve. The results of my study 
clearly. support the conclusions reached 
by Congressman Curtis. The size of the 
is quite staggering and inequitable. 
Professor Walter Y. Oi 

tment of. Economi 
ersity of Washin 
Seattle, Washington 


T have read with interest Congressman 
Jonscri plion and Commitment. 
Curtis makes a strong and solid argu- 


imination of the draft and 
its replacement by a volunteer. Army. 
His article is detailed and factual, yet 
concise. I am interested in the possibility 
of reprint this article for distribution 
tional conference on conscription 
s impact оп American society, 
the American Friends Service 
Committee will sponsor this spring. 

William Е. Medlin 

Peace Education Division 

А can Friends Service Committee 

Philadelphia, Pennsyly 

Permission granted. 


ment for the 


1 am delighted to report that I placed 
Congressman Curtis article, Conscrip- 
tion and Commitment, in the Congres- 
sional Record on January 24. 

Representative Donald. Rumsfeld 
U.S. House of Representatives 
Washington, D. C. 


Many of Curtis’ views are shared by 
soldiers now in the Armed Forces. 1, for 
one, feel that I have been cheater 
least misused. Had 1 been placed 
ion comparable with my civilian oc 
ion. the Government could. have 
any hours and a great deal of 


cup: 


saved n 


This is one of the pet peeves of 
most soldiers with prior technical skills— 
they never get 10 use them. 1 will be di 


charged soon, and it will take me ma 
months 10 regain skills chat E lost dur 
my service. Hf the Army used our civil 
skills—inse 
out of all of us—the military would 
benefit, and we 1 also. 
Sp/d Vincent J. Е 
Heidelberg, Ger 


rnandez 
any 


Тһе Selective Serv 
founded on the belief, 


e System ds 
ı which 1 hearti 
male American 
owes a portion of his life to the service of 
his country. Because of this, the qu 
of inequity—or uns 


ly concur, that every 


stion 
ess, ally 
called—is irrelevant. Service should be 
rendered. by individual where it 
would be most valuable: as а nuclear sci 
emisi, doctor. an aviator, artilleryman, 
fantryman or what have you. 
Granville 5. Ridley 
Chairman, American Legion 
ational Security Council 
Murfreesboro, Tennessee 


cach 


Good as it was, Curtis’ aride did nor 
go Fir enough. The present draft system 
is not only nellicient, 
inequitable undemocratic” but, 
even worse, it is clearly unconstitutional 
The Dh Amendment plainly states: 
"Neither slavery nor involuntary servi- 
tude, except as а punishment for aime 
whereof the party shall have been duly 
convicted, shall exist within the United 
States, or any place subject to their juris. 
diction.” 


For guys who don’t know 
their ascot from their elbow 


" А 
coordinates this . 
3-piece sports outfit 
Stop worrying about what goes with what. 
We've done it for you. First we give you a nat- 
ural shoulder jacket in a color and weight that 
are right for Spring through Summer.Then we 
add two pairs of Press-Free Post-Grad slacks, 
one in a matching color and one in a pattern. 
Each pair provides an authentic blend with the 
jacket. The trio sets you back a mere $45, 
(Prices are slightly higher in the West.) 
For names of nearby retailers, write to h.i.s, 
16 East 34th Street, New York, N.Y. 10016. 


PLAYBOY 


16 


Cutty 
Sark 


America’s 
N?1 
selling 
Scotch 


7 


Ssh Government 


DISTILLED AND BDTTLED IN SCOTLAND - BLENDED 86 PROOF 
THE RUCKINGHAH CORPORATION, IMPORTERS - HEW YORK, 


Conscription is certainly involunta 
servitude, and being of draft age and 
good health is certainly no crime. The 
inclusion of Ncept as a pun- 
ishment for crime” shows that this pr 
hibition of slavery applies not only to 
private slavery but also to public slavery, 
If it applied only to indi- 
Is, not government, this specific 
exception would have been cessary. 

George Fink 
Burlington, Towa 


In an otherwise excellent article, Rep- 
native Curtis has completely missed 
the point in his discussion of how the in 
equities of the draft айса American № 
groes. To simply say that Negroes have 
gher enlistment rates” is to beg the 
more fundamental question of why this 
should be so. The point is that American 
Negroes have fewer alternatives av 
able to them. The fact that any Ameri- 
can should believe that his chances of 
success ате better in Vietnam than in Ala- 
Бата is а sid commentary on American 
society and, I fear, on the elected repre- 
sentatives who see nothi 
hensible in such conditions. 

Cedric C. Clark 

East Lansing, Michigan 


ag morally repre- 


WISE AND FAIR 

I would like to congratulate Irwin 
Shaw on his carthy description of the 
trials of the living when faced with the 
realization of death (Where АП Things 
Wise and Fair Descend, viaynoy, Feb- 
rusty). Compassion, one of the thankful 
virtues bestowed upon man, is very 
elfectively projected in this fine piece of 
ficti 


Chad Walk. 
Cameron State College 
Lawton, Oklahoma 


WORD PLAY 

1 presented some of Robert Carol's 
more innocent Word Plays to my fourth- 
recently and asked the 
in imagination and 
acility—to design some ol their own. 

1 thought you would appreciate. this 
one, put up on the blackboard by one of 
my boys—to the delight of the other 
boys and the bewilderment of the girls: 


PLAYWOY 


Richard Siegelm: 
Flushing, New York 


АС CONNOISSEUR 
ulations on Maurice Zolotow's 
February piece on Cognac—so wittily full 
of information and so genially destruc- 
tive of popular fallacies. As а Chevalier 
du Tastevin, my only (very mild) criti- 
cism is that Zolotow did not sufficiently 
underline the point that cognac does not 


improve, though it may deteriorate, in 
bottle. Zolotow referred 10 this, but did 
not stress й. Too many people thin 
wines and spirits improve in boule—and 
so few do: vintage port, claret and red 
burgundy. Most white wines are Бет 
drunk fast. 


Alec Waugh 
New York, New York 


GOLDEN GOOF 

In The Girls of “Casino Royale" in 
your a photo of me— 
as a prioned 
i acres Aun nce 
every actress is enthusiastic. about the 
а of appearing in PLAYBOY, it seems a 
at pity that when my picture does 
in, I'm given the wrong name. I 


soldfinger 


Thomas, not Ann Thompson. Here’s a 
picture, this time in silver rather than in 
gold, which you might want to print 
with my letter. 


List Thomas 

London, England 

Sorry about that, Lisa. The Early Bird 

satellite apparently laid an egg, ах your 

name was scrambled en route [rom Eng- 
land (0 our editor's desk. 


EDITORS' PRIZE 
I am, of course, delighted to 


ave won 
the rLaynoy editors’ prize for nonfiction 
writing during 1966. What I would like 
to give in return is my appreci 
PLAYBOY'S anit 
only йз ge 
which n 


on for 
le toward writers. Not 
al terms, 
n the fact that as 
e's circulation aud. revenu 
s vates to w 
my appreciation 
is for the freedom I've experienced at 
PLavnoy. While there is ос y 
ining to craft (which usual- 
is clarity), there has never been a 
problem about my point of view and 
Ву contrast, 1 was banished 
ne ago from the pages of The 


nifests 


so have 


some 


б. 


vic 


Viceroy's got 
the taste 
that's right... 


right any time of the day 


that good after dozens of wash-and-dry cycles. 
Koratron invented permanent press, patented 
the new exclusive process, and now licenses 
only the best manufacturers to use it. Whatever 
it is—shirt, pants, raincoat, windbreaker 

—if it's marked Koratron it's permanent press 


with a capital Promised Performance. So buy it. 


Koratron Company, inc. San Francisco - New York - Los Angeles 
18 


At least he knows about 
Koratron' permanent press 


Look at those perfectly creased pants... that crisp, 
smooth shirt. Only Koratron” permanent press looks 


KORATRON 


Nu 


©1967 Koratran Company 


Reporter because T disagreed with its 
publisher on Vietnam—and that dis 
greement was ther. publication. 
There's nothing more vital to а w 
than being free to say wh: 
10 say as best he can s 

the name of the game. 
a PLAYBOY. 


үй. And thats 
Ive found it. 


Nat Heutoff 
New York, New York 


This is the first time th 
zine—or in fac 
has awarded me a | 
PLAYHOY fiction of 190 
PLAYBOY сап be aly 
produce bri suprises 

Vladimir Nabokov 

Montreux, Switzerland 


т the best 
Ed.] But then, 
ded upon to 


v depe 


It grieves me to write this letter, bur 
you guys being the editors of an organi 
zation devoted to wuih and beauty and a 
lot of good things. Fm sure that you 
would want to know how I feel about 
the latest scurrilous body blow that vou 
have dealt to my аге 

Last year, when vou saw fit to bestow 
upon me the 1965 rriysoy humor 
award for Leopold Doppler and the 
Great Orpheum Gravy Boat Riot, 1 felt 
that that would have been enough. You 
realize that over. countless rs P have 
assiduously built up а vast edifice of fa 
nd have become known in some cir 
the опе quave 
true losers. Winning this award cost me 
able portion of my following. 
who took it as a personal insult. And 
now comes this foul and totally unex 
pected attack. Upon receipt of your an 
nouncement that you the 
1966 award for humor /satire for Daphne 
Bigelow and the Spine-Chilling Saga 
of the Snail-Encrusted Tin-Foil Noose, 1 
was shocked into 


ure 


cles 


voice of thc 


a consi 


awarded 


nsibility. 


The case placed 
in my no ales 
tive. and to 
my f & group of followers 
that there is an organized plot afoot. 1 


ize th y for the rec 
ent of such awards to show appre 
1 will follow the form, bi 
who believes in simple civilitie 


person 
But | 


will go no further. You can expect a fools 
s, who even at this 
plating action. 
Shepherd 


cap from my attorni 
very moment are cont 
Je 
New Yor 


ew York 


I was very proud and happy that The 
Eastern Sprints appeared. in PLAYBOY 
(May 1966) and, needles to say, very 


flattered at winning your editors’ prize 
lor the best piece by a new глуво 


"Tom Mayer 
on, South Vie 


во & 100 PROOF. DISTILLED FROM GRAIN. STE PIERRE SMIRNOFF FLS. (DIV. OF HEUBLEIN), HARTFDRD, CONN 


PHIL SILVERS STARS IN "A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TD THE FORUM.’ 


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with refreshing 7-Up*. The dryest Martinis. The Have a ball! Always ask for Smirnoff Vodka. 


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marn leaves you breathless 
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©1967, Jos. Schite Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wis. end other citira. 


Try the taste of the most carefully brewed beer in 
the world. The beer that takes 1,174 careful brewing 
steps. Schlitz. Real gusto in the great light beer. 


The Beer that made Milwaukee Famous 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


ру" a we are with dull direct- 
mail solicitations, we're always on 
the lookout for an irresistible offer. We 
thought we had a winner recently when 
а letterhead emblazoned with large, car- 
ivorouslooking insects caught cur суе. 
The mimeographed missive was from 
one Hugh A. Carter of Plains, Georgia, 
who wasted few words getting to his 
point: "Sir: YOU CAN MAKE THOUSANDS 
OF DOLLARS YEARLY RAISING GRAY CRICK- 
ETS to sell as fish bait." This, frankly, is a 
way of making thousands of dollars yearly 
that had never occurred to us. Visions 
of carly retirement danced. in our head 
as we read that “a cricket lays approxi 
mately 10 eggs a day and lays from 20 
to 30 days. With just a little figuring 
you сап see what 200 breeder crickets 
will produce for you. I you sell re- 
tail, you can get 112-3 cents cach for 
them. From 200 female crickets with the 
proper amount of male crickets you 
should produce 30,000-40,000. 

Reeling under images of concupiscent 
crickets and burgeoning profits, we 
plowed on. "You can begin on a small 
scale—a small box on your back porch, in 
your garage or even in the corner of your 
bedroom.” As if anticipating our unwill- 
ingnes to disturb 200 females’ enjoy- 
ment of the proper amount of males—or 
our suspicion that their enjoyment might 
disturb our slumber—Mr. Carter quickly 
pointed out that: “There is no odor, no 
noticeable chirping. 1 grow 
into a largescale operation and watch 
dollars roll in." 

If the sound of unnoticeable chirping 
or the roar of dollars rolling in would be 
too much for our belabored cars, Mr. 
Carter offered alternatively to set us up 
in the mushrooming—and presumably 
dustry. Only with 
dilficalty did we resist the urge to dash 
off a check for 5135 to accompany an 
k that read: 


mediately. Send me your instruction book 
now on how to raise and sell fishwon 

and crickets. When 1 get my beds ready 
{we note that this whole bu 


ound the bedroom]. Il notify you 
when to send me 50.000 breeder worms.” 
Remember, we were told, “50.000 breed 
er worms multiply to 50.000.000 in one 
year.” Our only reservation was: What 
do you do with 50,000,000 hybrid red. 
igglers if the bottom drops out of the 
worm market—or out of your beds? You 
n't wait for tie market to revive, be- 
use those 50,000,000 worms will turn 
into 50 billion in another year. At a 
conservative 50 worms per ounce, our те- 
search department informs us, that's over 
30.000 tons of worms. Perhaps the solu- 
tion to this earthy problem can be found 
Mr. Carter's $2.95 opus, How and 
Where to Sell Fishworms and Crickets. 
In any case, we know what he does with 
the by-products, because he closes his pres- 
entation with a coupon offer that may 
be the gift for the man who has every 
thing: For two dollars he'll mail, am 
where in the U.S, "a beautiful ice 
bucket packed with pure worm castings. 
That's direct-mail talk for wormshit. 


When a man is divested of job or title, 
there is ordinarily no term to describe his 
los in a manner appropriate to his 
profession. While there are obvious ex- 
ptions—lawyers can be disbarred and 
priests defrocked—the majority of us 
risk only being fired, canned or sacked. 
To rectify this linguistic deficiency, we 
have compiled a nomenclature to sug- 
gest how people in various positions 
might be descriptively from 
them. Trivia fixated hipsters, for exam 
ple, should be decamped, and celebritie 
who be would be defamed. 
In the academic world, dull professors 
could be declassified, while slow stu- 
dents could be degraded: and those 
who cheated on exams would surely be 
detested. Incompetent fishermen would 
be outcast, and seedy fruitgrowers im- 
peached. Hairdressers who used greasy 
id stuff on their customers could be dis- 
wesed. and untidy cosmetologists de- 
faced. In public life, politicians who 
failed to fulfill campaign promises could 


removed 


ame passé 


be devoted, and their secretaries defiled 
» doormen could be un 
clumsy clectricians delighted. 
and careless power-plant operators de- 
generated. In sports, bungling baseball 
players could be debased, and timid 
boxers defrayed. A falsetto. hog caller 
could be disgruntled; waitresses who 
dropped trays could be justly deserved. 
Salvation Army workers could more ef- 
fectively warn lost souls about the wages 
of sin if winos could be deported. Club 
joiners might be dismembered for failure 
to pay dues. And last, but not least, 
Playboy Club Bunnies who spilled drinks 
—if such a thing ever happencd—could 
ily be detailed. 


sumn 


A measure proposing the trout as 
Michigan's official state fish—and passed 
by the legis. s introduced by 
state senator Terry Troutt. 


ure—wa 


Unsettling sign of the times spotted 
in the window of a rental agency near 
yl COMPANY 
COMING? RENT A COL, SOFA BED, HAMMOCK 
on snorcux. 


ini 


Uniontown, Реп 


wimonial facts for 
cautious bachelors to ponder: Under сет 
tain circumstances, in various parts of 
the world, captains of certain vessels 
may legally join a couple in matrimony 
5 binding a marriage as any per- 
formed ashore, whether by church or by 
state. The church can also annul mar- 
ages, and states can grant divorces. But 
in no part of the world, under any cir- 
cumstances, may the captain of any ve 
sel rend matrimonial bonds asunder. 


“It’s always better at а hotel," reads 
the letterhead of Atlantic City’s Liberty 
Hotel, which bills itself as a “Honey 
mooner's Haven,” 

The Arkansas 
м a novel longleg 
ilable at Pfeifers, a Little 


Underwear Intelligence 
Democrat reports Ц 
pantie is av 


21 


PLAYBOY 


Rock dey 
white or black,” says the ad, 
that is sleek from waist to thing. 


A new twist in toilet training is be 
pioneered in Japan, thanks to an ¢ 
tronic device suitable for restroom in- 
stallation, As soon as the john door is 
dosed. а tape-recorded voice 
the discommoded visitor 
ning, how are vou?" and continues 
with ph by in English for three minute 


lessons becoming 
advanced, The aurer gu tees 
ibat after а few months the men's 
room scholar will know enough 
to make understood 
Vokyo's 1 
what the linguist w 
where he learned 10 speak English so 
well. 


ely morc 


es on 
asked 


zine spec 
answer w 


flaw in his plan for 
would-be burgh in 
ı. was arrested on the roof 
ket. while trying 10 break 


Foiled by 
а perfect. crime 
Fairfax, Virg 
of a supe 


П ае through а skylight. Не had failed to 
First name for the martini ы age hn nares Ду n 
clerks and customers, was still open for 


bu: 


less, 


Thai's Showbiz: The Women's. Insti- 


BEEFEATER 


IMFORTEDGIN FROM ENGLAND OY KODRAND, N.Y. - 94 PROOF - TRIFLE- DISTILLED * 100% GRAIN NEUTRAL SPIRITS 


ture of St. Mlban's, id. was forced 
10 cancel its production of the play orld 
Without’ Men because of a sudden 
emergency: Every member of the cast 


à cait—had become 


You have to Northwest Airlines should have de 
look forthe W" |е 


ic. advised listeners 10 


3 commercial for the 


b il il t ıt stop 10 New York.” 
ecause I S 5епї. |... tear, eaen w 
tion in high places, reports 
al Start posters read 
your cmim: and in 
UR CHILDREN. 


discrimi 
that бошап» Н 


Wrangler’ ce 
for wrealjeans. |: 


ob wideopen spices il not mindy 
recently sported а sign that read: Goon 


CLEAN DANCING EVERY NIGHT EXCEPT 
SUNDAY. 


Bannan, says the Associated 
had а close call in. Milord. 
but he escaped unscathed, А local traffic 
cop, alter stopping а car for speed 
leaned in the window and asked, “Wh: 
do you think you're driving. the Barmo 


5 bile?” After Linwood Barman displayed 
for about $4. All papular sizes. Shirts that ga е A ER 


with them come from the silent “W”, tao. EH 
Wrangler Western Wear, 350 Fifth Ave., N.Y. 10001. S я 


А tamalizi 


Went a wrugged jeans lock in a walker length? 
luckily, there's Wrangler, the people who make 
the wreal slim-fitting jeans, ond now they're 

making them in washable striped denim cut-offs, 


ie, at 
Davis 


g ad in the Cal 


' Тєр; — —— the U 


With technological triumphs like this, 
it only takes 4/2 hours for 2 men to make 
one Karmann Ghia convertible top. 


Itused to take longer, till we discovered 
that curved needles sew around corners 
faster than straight needles. 

That's important to us, because we 
want to make cars as efficiently as pos- 
sible. What slows us down is that we also 
want to make cars as good as possible. 

For us to do that, a Karmann Ghia 
convertible comes out costing you $2445: 
Which sounds like a lot of money coming 
out of your pocket. Until you realize what 
we put into the car. 

Our convertible top, for example, has 
a vinyl interior that covers up the cross 
braces you see in most other convertibles. 
It has а thick pad of insulation in the 
middle that keeps out heat, cold and 
noise. And it has a vinyl outside that real- 
ly fits because we really hand-fit it. 

We could skip all that handwork, 
trade in all our curved needles for a 
couple of machines, and make convert- 
ible tops as efficiently as everyone else. 

But we'd rather be less efficient and 
better. Instead of just as efficient and not 
as good. 


Volkswagen economy d 
is standard equipment. 


PLAYBOY 


24 


English Leather, 
КЫ! 


INER vOut 
© 


coman ors MADE musa 


“refreshingly different" 


English 
Leather 


The new, exciting scent for 
menca fresh, completely 
new fragrance note that 
lasts and lasts! 

AFTER SHAVE $2.50, $4.50 
COLOGNE $3.00, $5.00 
GIFT SETS $5.50, $9.50 
{After Shave and Cologne) 
cool frosted bottles 
elegantly packaged in 
authentic wood boxes. 


Makes 

The 
Authentic 
Margarita... 
Naturally 


THERE 18 NO SUSSTITUTE FOR 


JOSE CUERVO teouia 


CKWAIR-VO ) 


WHITE on ORLO LABEL + м PROOF - NIPORTED T HEUBLEIN, IN. HARTFORD, GAKEETICUT 


branch, called for "one or two [e 
male roommates to share large house 
equipped with pets and seven sources of 
amusement.” 


Privacy Invasion Department, Good 
Samaritan Division: The following item 
ran in the David City, Nebraska, Banner- 
Press—"To whom it may concern: A 
group of your neighbors wish to an 
nounce that the one-way frosty glass in 


your bathroom is facing the wrong w: 


Five years ago, in Kitchener, Ont 
we discovered in the United Mine Wor 
ers’ Journal, v collisions in a 
plant parking lot were frequent enough 
to call for the services of a police tralie 
expert. He observed the exodus at quit 
ting time just once, and then persu 
the company to release its fen 
plovees 15 minutes before the men got 
ou There тї been a $ 
collision in the lot since then. 


rend 


Free-speech demonstrators, take heed: 
National Review reveals that Washing 
ton’s national zoo has exiled (to base 
ment cages) two mynah birds suspected 
of 1 ies. 


ving dirty vocabul 


Sobering note: The cable address of 
erson, Oldham & Adams, Led., "ship 
ice 1820 of Fine Wines and Spir 
s SOBRIETY, LONDON. 


pers si 


We applaud Simon & Schuster's Fire 
side Calendar & Engagement Book бох 
with a list 
of Puritan names taken from а 1658 jury 
list of Sussex County, England. Consider 
the prepossessing piety of such Biblical 
baptismal names as Be-thankful Playnard, 
Befaithtul Joiner, Be-courteous Cole, Be 
of-good-comfort Small. Faint-not Hewett 
Weep-not Billing, Seek-wixlom Wood 
Killsin Pimple, Livein-peace Hillary 
arch-the- Scriptures Moreton, Stand-fast 
high Stringer and Fight-thegood-light 
offaith White, We can't help wondering 
whether the following lived up to their 
appellations: Repentant Hazel, Redeemed 
Compton. Meck Brewer, Faithful Long, 
Called Lower, Obediencia Crutteuden. 
Morefrait. Flower, Hope-tor 
Flydebate Roberts, Goodgift Noske, Joy 
fromabove Brown, God-reward Smart 
Thegift-ol-God Stringer, ‘The-work-of 
God Farmer, The-peaceol'God Knight, 
and one poor Purittn miss tongue-twist 
ingly ydept Through-much-tibulation-we- 
enter-the-kingdom-of Heaven Goldsmith 
Her friends, we called her 
“Tribby” for short. 


our afternoon 


brighten 


pending, 


suppose, 


San Francisco. Chronicler Herb Caen 
indicates that the legendary classic o 


Youte playing darts in a 
London Pub. How 


can you beat the British at 5 CEU cae 
First it's соса form to offer to keep score. " low to sj glish: “Chat Up" — 
That's how you get in the game. Then, their own game? means to talk to, but to "cive her a bit 
when it's your turn, take your time. Lob of the old chat” means a snow job. 
the darts over. Since you've already caught the British off — "Grotty"—cwful. "Dolly"—pretty girl in very short skirt. "A 
guard with your Cricketeer natural shoulder chalk stripe, four Wilson“—(in darts)—you just squeaked one through. Other 
button, double-breasted, suit, you've cot nothing to worry things lo do to keep your advantage? Never take out a ciga- 
about. (55% Dacron* polyester, 45% worsted, about $70.00). — rettewithoutofferingthe pack around. Cricketer with Dacron®. 


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laine graffiti—"Smile! You're on Can. 
did Camera"—has come truc, courtesy of 
the New York Police Department. In the 
men’s room of the Manhattan discotheque 
Cheetah, he swears he discovered а sign 
reading: FOR THE PROTECTION OF OUR 
PATRONS, AND IN ACCORDANCE WITH PO- 
LICE REGULATIONS, TINS MEN'S ROOM I5 ON 
озере replaced there osten 
sibly to protect the teeny boppers from 
pursesnaiching Teddy boys who hie to 
the john to lift the loot. 

Our congratulations—and sympathy 
—10 Naomi J. Cochran, named Miss 
Meat Inspection in a beauty contest at 
the Agriculture Department їп Wash 


by the case. 
Black Watch. The Scotch. For best results 


men use it straiphi d 2- 
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26 by Pri Matchabe 


ington, D. C. 


THEATER 


The idea for Peter Shaffer's Black 
Comedy is an admitted swipe from a Chi 
nese classical-theater scene in which two 
swordsmen pretend they are dueling in 
the dark while the stage is fully lit. 
Shaffer substitutes contemporary farce 
ейес is 

same. The actors make believe they 
vt see, but the audience sees all. It is 
a stunning theatrical idea—for a while, 
until it becomes merely theatrical. The 
main problem is that Shaffer has settled 
for farcir k, 
gs. instead of trying 
he plot is ten-watt. A sculptor (Mic 
Crawlord) is in his studiollat with his 
overcute fiancee (Lynn Redgrave), wait 
ing for her futher (Peter Bull) to arive 
ad give the match his blessing. They 
are also waiting for a filthily rich arı ра 
Ion to arrive and give them his patron 
age. To impress their elders, the young 
couple temporarily steal fancy furniture 
from the Niny decorator next door (Don 
all Madden). Then the lights blow and 
Daddy stumbles in, followed by the dec 
tor. a matronly teerotaler, Crawford's 
11 (Geraldine Page) and a stageful of 
complications and mistaken identities. 
The tectoraler swigs gin from the bottle 
Crawford uies to return the furniture 
before Madden recognizes it. Miss Page 
pretending she is Crawlord's maid, in 
sults her rival. In the absence of dramatic 
the actors fall back on 
their own invention; occasionally they 


lor ancient swordplay, but th 
ше 
c 


hed 


developmen 


just hall back. Crawford steps on a table, 


skids Keatonishly with the telephone as 


a skate, He switches Bull's chair from 
straight to rocker; Bull resits and, to his 
amazement, rocks. Miss Redgrave pours 
а drink in a glass 


As busy as the actors arc, the playwright 


d all over the floor 


is busier, making sure the lights don't 
go on too soon and end the play. So 
he hides the candles, extinguishes the 
matches. Actually, Shaler is the one who 
is really in the dark—about what to 


If Rose’ is made for ріп gimlets and 
vodka gimlets,what’ it doing in a 
brandy gimlet? (And a rum gimlet?) 


F pa 


Й DS 
А d 

Some people think a gimlet is a small carpenter's tool. 
And some people think a gimlet is a delightful mixture of 
one part Rose's lime juice to four or five parts gin or vodka. 

But there is still another group.They mix our lime juice 
with brandy or rum.That's a gimlet to them. 

To these nonconformists we say," "Bravo!" 

Our Rose's adds a calypso twist to distinctive brandy and 
rum flavors. Why? Because Rose's is made of tropical limes, 
| sun-yellow Caribbean limes from the island of Dominica. 
Rose's isn't as tart as green untropical limes. Not as sweet 
as ordinary lime juice. It's tart-sweet. Deliciously calypsian. 

‘What about a bourbon gimlet? Well, а Rose's by any 
other name... 


PLAYBOY 


28 


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a new kick called the 
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ies, the curtain raiser that 
Black Comedy, contrasts. with 
way but one. The lights are 
on, lies are told and everything is more 
serious: but the one-acter, like the main 
work. is attenuated and unfulfilled. It is 
cation about a hard-up 
fortuncteller (Miss Page) who is bribed 
Tortune, Still. it is notable 
lor Page 10 give the 
richest charac e all eve- 
. At the Ethel Barrymore, 243 West 
47th Street. 


RECORDINGS 
Pe k, the little girl with the 
big v а big LP going for her with 


Color My World / Who Am І (Warner Bios). 
From the lead-off England Swings, 
through the two ballads covered in the 
tile and including the chart 
Winchester Cathedral, Pet proves. the 
adage that good things come in the 
smallest of packages. 


Ray Bryant has found him 
As with s 
Freight (Cadet) il 
his trio with a bit of brass—in this 
Art Farmer and Snookie Young contrib- 
ute their talents. The mood in almost all 


Ia groove. 
nt recordings, on Slow 
augmented 


id Young have 
kept out of the solo spotlight. 


w LPs provide an interesting 
son of the major strands in the 
‚ Out of San Francis- 
со psychedelicrock bag comes Surreal- 
istic Pillow (\ ictor), the se d album Dy 
Jefferson Airplane. Оша vocal 
amalgams and excellent ship 
combine to make this sextet the best of 
the experimen aggregations, 
They wax mellow on dl enion of 
My Best Friend and humorous on the 
hip Plastic Fantastic Lover. Jellerson 
ne provides a nice trip through 
-rock a g sample of 
music is 
. dem 


musi 


id an interest 


sily along a хреста 
g [rom standard folk tunes such as 
ell, Well through current. folk 
"Tom Paxton's The Last Thing ou 
My Mind. to such recent hits as Lenno 
and McCartney's Yesterday and Paul 
Simon's Red Rubber Ball. 


Let's hear it for the reed men. Bud 
Shank & The Sax Section (Pacific Jazz) 
forwards the cause of those estimable 


gentlemen with both vigor and finesse. 
Shank has the pick of the West Coast 
sidemen with him—Bob Cooper. Bill 
Perkins. Jack Nimiz. Bob Hardaway 
and John Lowe—and their treatment of 
а spate of contemporary classics (Sum- 
mer Samba, Rezá. Sidewinder, Хело 
Blues among them) is a continuing 
delight 


Ramsey Lewis, the Pied Piper of funk. 
leads his followers south to the border on 
Goin Latin (Сайы), but 
10 take his sack of soul with him, Lewis 
threesome is bigband-backed, which 
gives further impetus 1o the Latin 
rhythms weaving through Summer Sam 
ba. Qne-Two-Three, Cast Your Fate to 
the Wind and others of that ilk. Con- 
ductor Richard Evins’ arrangements 
prove just right for Ramsey & С 


doesn't lect 


The blues continue to be reworked by 
various groups and individuals. In Soyin’ 
Somethin’ (Verve), the azurecyed Righi 
cous Brothers move back toward the 
pioneering hard-blues style that they had 
abandoned somewl 
outings. Highlights include raucous ver 
sions of Don't Fight It and Hold On 
I'm Coming, a tense | Who Have Noth 
ing and a sensitive reading of Smokey 
Robinson's My Girl. This should be onc 
of the most significant white blues re 
leases of the year. By comparison, the 
latest etching by the Rolling Stones, 
tween the Buttons (London). 
for what the group has of 
sound as for what it has retained. 
here arc the intense emotionalism aud 
the good humor of the earli tones, 
but with a new freshness and gentleness 
that first made itself heard in their lasi 
LP, Aftermath. While the blues feel is 
present throughout Between the Buttons, 
it is most evident on the up-tempo items. 
Induded among the goodies this time 
are the twosided hit Let's Spend the 
ight Together | Ruby Tuesday (the 
latter а tender, beautifully wrought rock 
ballad) and a witty putdown of Bob 
ру! па the New Vaudeville Band on 
Something Happened to Me Yesterday 


t in their last two 


Sill 


Similar The Explosive Little Richard (Okch) 
reintroduces the old rocker in a new 
package. The distinctive backgrounds 


provide a rock-solid foundation for the 
truly explosive Mr. Richard. Especially 
exciting are the fresh arrangements for 
Chuck Willis’ Don't Deceive Me and the 
driving Г Don't Want to Discuss It. 

Oscor Peterson / Blues Etude (Lime 
is a transitional recording. Side two has 
Ray Brown still on. bass, with. drummer 
Louis Hayes filling out the trio: side one 
finds current bassist Sam Jones teaming 
up with Hayes and Peterson. The session 


ч) 


New collector's colors by Corbin 


A bright putting green and a colorful 
mandarin are the latest additions to Corbin's 
collection of Montego linens. A hand 
some Bimini blue and a distinctive burnt 
orange are new to the Pima Poplins. 
These are typical of the many exclusive 
colors highlighting this season’s 

Corbin trousers and walking shorts. 
Discover the difference fine tailoring 

сап make in a look that is natural, 

a fit that is comfortably trim 

the quality that is Corbin. 

Corbin trousers are available at fine. 
stores from $17.50 to 540, Ladies slacks 
and walking shorts are also available 


ang wating shorts by 


CORBIN, uD 


365 Fath Avenue, New York, New York 10016 


Get him one of these smart new 
Man-Time Watches. Fine time- 
pieces in brushed-chrome, slide- 
shut cases for playboys, sports- 
men, guys who go for the smart, 


sharp, and different. 


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(GENERAL TIME 


vasta ox onson 


28 


PLAYBOY 


30 


All over the world King George IV sells at the 
same price as the other‘top 12 Scotches (London 7.28) 


But here, it is the only ‘top 12’you can buy 


for about $5.00 


The Scots produce it, we bottle it 


.and 


pass the savings on to you. Why are we 
ѕо generous? We want to become the 


largest selling Scotch around, 


King George lV 


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Short 


lenses. 


its from eye to picture. That's why the 
new mamiya/sekor, with fully interchang 
im single 


able 


lens reflex camera. Its unique spot meter, located 


behind the lens 
Remarkably p 


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See it at your 


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to Dept. PY, Ponde: 


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is a mellilluous mixture of standards and 
jazz originals. Jones docs not possess 
Brown's imaginative lyricism, but in the 
hard-driving items he provides stalwart 
support. 


Guitar man for all seasons Charlie 
Byrd displays his diverse wares admirably 
on Byrdland (Columbia). Byrd performs 
within the context of a nio, 
and а quintet as he рое 
ian threesome, Meditation, Samba de 
Orpheus and Manha de Carnaval; a 
brace Irom Henry Mancini—Arabesque 
and the Theme [rom 7Mr. Lucky"; Alec 
Wildes lovely ГИ 
Peaceful in the 
soned de 
soms. 


Tround and U's Sa 
(d other as- 
Byrd 


ишу; 


stances, 


The bicadih of 
(sce th 


Donov 
month's On the Seene) is well 
Mellow Yellow (Epic), as the 
year-old British teen idol-—buoyed. up 
by opulent arrangements—sings his 
lyrics with warmth and wit 
» everything is in focus, tunes like 
House of Jansch. Hempstead Incident 
db Writer in the Sun surpass most of 
the eclectic, “new” pop sounds—thanks 
largely to Mickie Most, whose producion 
is slick and iridescent. 


The Connonboll Adderley Quintet / Mercy, 


displayed o 


two were penned by Cannonball, two by 
sibling Nat and two by pianist Joe 
иш. With bassist Vie Gatsky and drum: 
mer Roy McCurdy to move it along, the 
Quintet cooks with typical Adderley 
éclat, especially on Nats pair of openers, 
Fun and Games. 


istruments have be 
come very much а of the pop tolk 
rock scene, one can appreciate them even 
more when they are played. by vir 
Toward such an cnd. we recommend 
Ustod Ali Akbar Khon / Morning ond Evening 
Rogas (Connoisseur Society). АН Akbars 
mastery ol the sarod stringed. in 
strument, is awesome. His performance 
here, accompanied. by Pandit: Mahapu 
rush Mista оп ubla and Aniki Sinha 
on tamboura, is filled with the exotic 
rhythms and. fascinating melodic lines 
that are capturi 
increasingly kuge 
auditors. 


Now thar Indi 


osi 


nation o an 
Western 


the i 


number. ol 


Rod McKuen is one of those “1 


sin who 


pop music 


nical followings among the hip. in 
ise from the critics and 
ivation Irom their fellow 
without really gettin 
doren Mekuen—: 
1 the tradition of Jacques 


Amavour—has shown 


ierous pi 


win sincere adi 
musicians. 
big. In a 
chansonnicr 
Brel and CI 


ever 


albums 


Carroll Shelby, LeMans winner and SCCA national champion. uses Dep for Men 


Carroll Shelby just had his hair styled. Any comments? 


One comment. If you think that makes him anything but 
rugged, you're out of your head. 

Shelby's a lot like those СТ 350's and 500's he builds out at 
Shelby American. And that's plenty rugged. So how come the 
hair stylist? Simple. 

Shelby's got a head of hair that's as tough and wiry as he 
is. And no time to fool around, trying to make it look neat. 
So once every three weeks he saves time by getting a 
professional styling job. 

His stylist cuts his hair wet. And cuts it in the direction it 
grows, so every hair stays where it belongs, even while it's 
growing out. That's what hair styling is all about. 


Dep for Men Gel in Regular or new Dry Hair formulas 


Then he sets and grooms it with a clear, non- 
greasy gel called Dep for Men, finishes off with 
some Dep for Men Hair Spray, and Carroll 
looks like a million. 

All Shelby has to do to keep on looking like a 
million is usea little Dep for Men each morning. 
It's non-alcoholic and won't dry his hair out. 

If you'd like to jg 
lock like a million, ff. 
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PLAYBOY 


32 


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himself to be a consistently imaginative 
vocal performer and а fine songwriter. 
On his latest release, Other Kinds of Songs 
(Victor), there are moments of high hu. 
mor (Down at Mary's Old Time Bar). 
quiet afirmation (Ain't You Glad You're 
Livin’, Joe). alienation (Loneliness. in 
Crowds) and bitter realism (The Wom- 
en)—all well worth the listening. 


Bach's Sonates for Violin & Harpsichord 
(Epic) have been recorded with technical 
brilliance and performed with consum- 
mate artistry by violinist Josef Suk and 
harpsichordist Susannah Ružičková in a 
two-LP package that is a worthy ade 
ering and still growin 
number of vinyl delineations of the com 


Baroque Sketches / Art Farmer & the Bo- 
roque Orchestra (Columbia) comes off as а 
thoroughly delightful tour de force. The 
g of jazz and classical forms, in 
Art 
frere Benny Gobo: 
minimum of stra 


mer's old con- 
done with a 
The orchestra. (four 
trumpets, two trombone, bass trombone, 
two French horns, two woodwinds, harp, 
tuba, bass, drums and. percussion) tackles 
ach, Chopin, Albéniz, Alfie's Theme 
and Rhythm of Life trom Sweet Charity. 
and the results are refreshing. 


MOVIES 


To Ве а Crook is a 
the violence of an ag 
prefers happy endings 
only with reluctance to an unhappy 
ending here. But Claude (4 Man and a 
Woman) Lelouch. having decided to go 
the way of probability rather than pref- 
erence, engincers an unhappy ending to 
top all unhappy endings, a bloodletring 
conclusion that belongs more properly to 
grand opera than to the realistic terms of 


statement against 
from a man who 
nd who comes 


the tale he sets out to tell and tells so 
well, with such charm and invention, un- 
nouement, Four young men live 
the 
the 


til the d 
in the same neighborhood, work i 
same automobile factory, drink in 
same bistro and go tw the same mov 
They have no education, no imagination 
and no prospects; and the American 
movies they love have given them the 


notion that their only route to success is 
via a life of cime. They quit their jobs, 
pool their resources and, together with 
the deaf-mute girl who is the mistress of 
one of them, they put themselves through 
their own crime school. However, every 
oes wrong. They line up bottles 
ng out a cache of stolen aniillery 
a machine gun, they cin’ 

They challenge the 
in the neighborhood 
эт 


thing £ 
and br 
but even with 
any gl 
toughest gang nd 
employing a strategy borrowed from "Re 
venge of the Comanches,” get their heads 


can't 


break 


beat in. Most humiliating of all. when 
they try to put the snatch on а trollop’s 

п shepherd, in order to practice 
aping.” the dog puts them all to 
rout. It’s great, good, frustrating fun un 
il, at last and by a fluke, they have the 
misfortune to succeed in an unplanned 
crime, and events rush briskly into panic 
and tragedy, Lelouch, writer and direc 
tor, gets appealing performances Irom 
his four boys and a winsome, enchanting 
one from Janine Magnan, who plays the 
deafmuie, The dialog is consistently 
funny and lightly offbeat. From start al- 
most to the unfortunately melodramatic 
finish, To Be a Crook is a brilliant job. 


If seeing is believing. everyone has 
got to hustle over to sec Hurry Sundown, 
whercin Ouo Preminger proves that 
he is the greatest master of the cliche 
in cinema today. Here we have this 
Georgia plantation house, pillars gleam 
ing: and inside are Michael Caine and 
Jane Fonda, a typical Southern couple 
spending a typical evening at home 

sucking up all this good whiskey straight 
from the bottle, while their little boy Co- 
lie screams in the next room. Michael is 
playing his saxophone. Jane crawls over. 
squirts a little bourbon in his mouth and 
grabs the saxophone away from him. 
Then, all scrunched. up there between 
his knees, she puts her litle pink lips 
around that big black mouthpiece and 
goes to licking it like crazy. Michael, 
head lolling, regards her labors and re- 
marks, "Some things should be left to 
the experts.” Everyone in town, from 
Judge Burgess Meredith оп down, is а 

hateful and corrupt as sin, and they've all 
got something disagreeable the matter 
with them (except the darkies, who are 
all perfectly marvelous). The judge, for 
instance, suffers from hemorrhoids. His 
blonde virgin daughter Sukie (Donna 
Danton) turns out to be the town punch- 
board, and the quality folk won't go to 
her wedding "lessen Jane Fonda serves 
matron of honor. But Jane has been 
insulted by the judge in her own home 
id, anyway. is already fully occupied 
trying t0 cheat Aunt Rose Scott. (Beah 
Richards), her dear old nigger mammy, 
out of some property. Aunt Rose, wear 
ing a white-cotton wig, expires when she 
learns how Jane figures to cheat her, 
leaving the litigation to her studly son, 
Reeve (Robert Hooks). Reeve is one 
smark buck, and one night the white vigi 
lantes head out to his old shack to git 
him, All the 
there with money and watercress sind- 
wiches and wge him to make for the 
swamp. "Run, Reeve, or yo is shorely 
one dead nigger." In the 
ford and Ghana, Reeve 
Time For Running Is Ov 
tar from the wall and commences to sing 
al. Premingeı 
a in 


darkies in town run over 


accenis of Ox- 
that The 
„ lifts his gui 


says 


s unrecon 
the sex 


a Stirring spir 
structed attitudes show 


Thumbprints. 


To the inexperienced they all look alike. 
Bourbons may all look alike, too. 
But the similarity stops with 

the first sip of Jim Beam. 

The taste is distinctive. 

And speaking of thumbprints, 

we call that red seal on every bottle 
Old Man Beam's thumbprint. 

It represents six generations of 
Bourbon-making know-how. 

Look for it. To the 
experienced it means 
the world’s finest 


Bourbon. Since 1795. 


86 PROOF KENTUCKY STRAIGHT BOUREON WHISKEY OISTILLED AND BOTTLED BY 


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PLAYBOY 


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а pair of white folks together 
md they can't wait to shuck off their 
duds and fall to kissin’ and buggin’ in 
nedest ways with the camera get- 
ht up in there with them. But let 
Robert Hooks flip Diahann Carroll over 
on the old bedsprings and that camera 
chawely averts our eyes for us, to stare 
the bedstead instead, Must be that old 
atural rhythm still got Oo bothered. 


Welcome to Hard Times is a tightly dis 
ciplined m 


town that al- 
© complicated by 
Hard Times has a 
of wreiched 
dozen inha 
ad an In 


rs come down from the 
gold id that's the whole story of 
the place one day. a crazed. cock- 
eyed killer (Aldo Ray) rides out of the 
parched hills looking like а one-man 
gue. He rapes the women, slaughters 
ost of the men. puis a torch to every- 
thing that will bu d goes. The sur- 
vivors know he wi ic back sooner or 
later, and the ways they choo: 
ready for him єт 
key. Until Keen 


Wynn appears with а 
asonably fresh whores, 
inly on а revengelul 
Irish spithire (Janice Rule) and a lawyer 
(Hei Fonda) w yellow streak 
keeps him awake nights. Not very awake 
—but Fonda plays this sort of gig with 
out half uying. Writerdirecior Burt 
Kennedy. whose best movie маз The 
Rounders (abo with Fonda), is putting 
his signature 10 a series of Havorful 
offbeat Westerns, and this onc offers 
characters firmly planted in their period. 
in а landscape where badmen seem as 
much a natural hardship as drought, 
suowidrilts or burning sum. We bid 
welcome to Hard. Times 


Richard McKenna was a sailor most ol 
his file, and for two years in the 1930s 
he served on a warship. patrolling the 
Yangve river. When he retired from 
the Navy, he gor himsel! a B. A. hom the 
University of North. Carolina, married, 
wrote a bestselling novel called. The 
Send Pebbles and died. McKenna’s novel 
was set in the troubled. C 
aboard an American gu 
U.S.S. San. Pablo, It was mostly about a 
sad, alienated, engine-room sailor who 
didn't know he was lonely: it was a good, 
small story drawn against а mammoth 
landscape—until. producer-director Rob: 
ert Wise transformed it into Panavision. 
Not that Wise's production is all bad 
The settings аге as exotic as Hong Koug 
and Ta n otter, and the ship itself 
is a good approx of the rusty, 
lovable old scow. There is a solid per- 
formance by Steve McQueen as the pro 
totypical sailor. While McQueen is an 
ictor of almost no range or versatility, his 


simple, honest men have а swe 
bout them that is touching and winning. 
Jı should ако be said that Wise handles 
hundreds of coolies with the panache of a 
s moments of 
bloodand-gnts  realism—private fights 
og battles—that vibrate with 
excitement. But he also has a script by 


ow would you like 


boats patrolled the Mississippi?" and а 
musical score by Jerry Goldsmith. that 
sounds over from King 
of King s the cap 


tain, belongs in charge of the Н. M. S. 
1 andice Bergen, dropping 
her jaw rhythmically every ten seconds. 
proves herself a tue ventriloquist’s 
daughter, A subplot, involving Richard 
enborough's love for a Chinese girl, 
allowed to echo Love Is a Many 
Splendoved Thing. Steve McQueen 
ilor that he is 
ИТ ı do t0 punch 
his way through a production swolle 
so much scli-congratulation. and 
tude. 


inep 


In Deodlier than the Male, Ike Sommer 
and Пабап sex symbol Sylva Koscin 
(he star of this month's Sylvan. Syl 
pictorial) ily disport 
mostly in bikinis. by killing off business: 
men who happen te control valuable 
Arabian oil holdings coveted by their 
evil employer. As the means to various 
executives ends, 
shot « and a paralyzing 
serum that wears oll quickly but. gives 
them enough time 10 push a victim off of 


murders for dong, 
¢ Hugh Drummond, played by 
А Johnson, and the 


gals are soon on their wa 


explosive end. Nigel 
ics сані 
ficently odious this g 
the screenplay didn't work 
Last paced directorial touches supplied by 
have heen 
d Sylva 


till, Elke 
is not lost, 


satirical sleeper. 
ave on hand, so all 


Rooks vich, handsome 
le. 
. But since he 
Iso been a drunk 
ad a junkie, sometimes both ar once, А 
touple ol ago. king the 
Sleep cure in Switz . he undertook 


Cound 


lo make wh 


que, as a sort of therapeu 
semi-autobiography. To see the film is 10 
mend the personal exorcism of. Rooks’ 
own demons—a confusing, friglteni 
nd weirdly beautiful experience. Rooks 
plays himsell, in fight from the 
marsh maze of shiling addi 


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refuge and posible cure 
tarium. Jean-Louis Вашаш pla 
in charge. W 


roughs, an embodiment of death 
diction, is Opium Jones, a 
menacing shadow image. Robert Frank, 
cameraman for Pull My Daisy, as di 
of photography, is responsible for the 
sometimes extravagant visual brilliance 
of the film. Every conceivable cinematic 
technique is employed—ihe “whitcout” 
of a heroin fix, with all but the sharpest 
black edges bled out of the image; the 
hot, blinding kaleidoscope of cascading 
color that emulues a peyote high—and 
the bleak black and white of reality. The 


sound track is а mélange of mullled 
voices, of the Fugs, of Ravi Shankar 


blowing sitar. Gurus of the psychedelic 
world filter in and out of the hallucina- 
tion—Allen Ginsberg chanting mantras 
by a Central Park lake, Moondog suid- 
ing through crowded Manhattan streets 
The last images of the film show Rooks 
leaving the sanitarium by helicopter, 
cured. As the craft rises, he is also seen 
clinging to the highest pinnacle of the 
château, hospital gown flipping. His two 
selves greet cach other as the ‘copier 
rounds the towe and à 
brilliantly lyrical statement. After what 
has gone belore—Rooks owificd on 
brandy and pills, Rooks shooting himself 
in the tongue with а hypodermic needle, 
Rooks as Dracula sucking blood—the 
spin around the pinnacle comes as an 
exhilarating affirmation of freedom. It 
means that Rooks will never need io make 
a film 


In the old days, a movie about the 
death of a grand Hotel would have te- 
quired such stylish transients as Greta 
Garbo and Lionel Barrymore, at least. 
Nowadays, the best they can do is Merle 
Oberon, hauled out of retirement, wear 
ing $500,000 worth of her own jewelry, 
to play а visiting duchess: Michael Re 
nie as her sniveling duke: and Melvyn 
Douglas, grown old and irascible. as the 
согпропе owner of Nyawlins best hos- 
теу, the St. Gregory. Now, it happens 
that Nyawlins has never been much of a 
hotel town, and clearly the fiction 
Gregory was never a Ritz. But Rod Tay 
lor thinks it’s great and, as hotel manag- 
cr, he upholds the standards as best he 
can, Old man Douglas has mortiga 
meet and no cash. Rod fixes 
bor czar and it looks as if a modicum 
of the St. Gregory's old elegance may be 
ved. But Rod reckons without Kevin 
McCarthy, a high-powered hotel mag 
nate, a host of troubles, who arrives de- 
termined to add the St. Gregory to his 
chain. Meanwhile, Richard Conte as a 
blackmailing house dick and "Keyca 
Karl Malden as a smiling crook arc trou 
bling the wide corridors of the okd joint. 
Most woublesome of all is Catherine 
Spaak, McCarthy's mistress. who woos 
Rod away from the front desk one after 


noon for a tour of the French Qi 
"Show me your 
mands, with scarcely а 
Louis Cathedral. To her surprise, Rod's 
place closely resembles St. Louis Cathe- 
deal (no small wick on 5100 а week), and 
herine is so impressed that she sl 
nies right out of her dress while Rod 
drops things in the kitchen. Back at the 
lobby. McCarthy is up to slippery tricks. 
A Negro couple arrives to check in, but 
in Rod’s absence they are refused. Whe 


Rod staggers back to the hotel hours lat 
cr, he amd his dose friend, the local 
NAACP rep, discover that the couple 


was planted by McCarthy. It is all goin 
to hit the papers and queer the kibor- 
cr deal; but the г terest is а y 
there was ever а color bar at all, s 
every Negro in the movie, from Er 
bermaid to doorman, reeks of class 
Oxbridge education, Which is more tha 
cam be said about anything else in this 
loser. 


s а good movie 
supposed to be а 
long. possibly uncommercial look at a 
white man (Don Murray) trying to make 
it in a black world. But something short 
of an hour was chopped out of it before 
release, and now it is just another of 
those testaments to the loss of a talented 
black soul (Dick Gregory) in a world he 
never made, with the roles of formerly 
central figures pared. down 10 соте 
quentiality. The losers are Murray; Rob 
ert Hooks (Reeve in Hurry Sundown), 
who plays a calé owner. Diane Vari 
Hooks girll d ad the audience. 
Gregory, as a famous jazz mu: 
stoned on drugs and booze, wasting hi 
self in sex and intoxication, becomes the 
center of the new focus, but the balance 
is a ls à strong 
figure of a man gone scatty оп a career 
scuved with disappointments and be- 
trayals, sniffing cocaine in hotel rooms to 
the soundless flapping of a TV test ра 

tem. There is а powerful sequence 
when, fried out of his mind on coke 
and stull, gouged by the finkout of a 
man he loved, he flics into. Мису own 
territory, Filth Avenue at th 
fountain, outr tired in 
nd. shades, 
into old. ladies, 


Sweet Love, Bitter 


gone wrong. Н 


xcously 
shorts, beanie, umbrella 
» around, bumpin 
dancing and si freaking out as 
itiously as possible. The scene was 
» cameras, amd the gkares 
real Too bad the 


ost 
shot by di 
ol the passers-by а 
rest of the film 


11. 


la Guerre Est Finie is Alain Resnais 
best work to date, and alter excursions 
imo such thickets of obse as Last 
Year at Marienbad, 
fnd him leading us а 
narrative paths. Resnai 
clegy to political id 
are Yves Montand and Ing 
and it is a pleasure to watch them w 


itis 


D^ 


cee E 


m 2 thé fov thats: Hime 


Open a bottle of Sprite 
and be an car witness to the soft drink 
with something to say. 


т 


AX 


Sprite. The soft drink with 
a message: tingling tartness. 
Switched on. Exuberant. Noisy. 
Not sweet. 
Not anything you've heard before. 
Or tasted. 
Get a carton of Sprite and hear 
what we mean. 
"Then taste! 


Sprite. Sotart and tingling, 
we just couldnt keep it quiet. 


о | The Shirt Watchers Guide 


ш wand тони they | Or, How to spot a staunchly traditional tattersall University Row? 


fascism. He and g Bolshevik 
comrades play ‘of espionage. 
spend hous debating theory; but in 30 
years it has come to nothing, and Moi 
tand begins to see that it m will. 
Spain, "the lyrical conscience of the 
left" has come to be a beloved bore. 
With Thulin, adoring bourgeoise, he has 
a relationship of convenience that h 
solidified into middle-class virtue ("TM 
always be your w ther I am or 
not’). A cute young trick, Ge 
jold. with whom he has a sensual but 
meaningless affair bascd on a glamor sl 
sees and he discounts, demonstrates by 
her energy and her ions that his 
kind of revoluti But in the 
end, the old loyalties stick. It becomes a 
matter of "the being together—strangei 
who open the door—they 
you know them." And so 
Resnais’ title is all irony—the war is 
never really over. 


CHECK the correct flare af the 
button-dawn collar. The 
plaquet frant and back pleat. 
The cauble-stitched cuffs. 


Nobody plays a peasant better t 
Anthony Quinn. Its his thing, his bag— EYE the clossic checks In 
simple, sweaty. a strong, back and quick СИР: EN i authentic 1009, 
fists, but sweet and soft afly with | i 5 С 

2 cottan axford. 

good women and lite children. In The 
25th Hour, Quin ays а Rumanian 
peasant—in the words of a Jewish 
friend, “a nice boy bur, let's face it, what 
а schlemiel.” His wife is Vi who, 
even in а Rumani 1938, in ~ 
muddy bare feet with lı in her ® 
су one hell of a woman, The local | 2 Н АҘ. х : E 
police captain thinks so, lusts after her, | — d 
and lists gentile Quinn i monthly ` 

quota of Jews and other undesirables 
scheduled for arrest. And <o be 


j 


CATCH the calor choice. 
Blue, green, red or 
black checks on white. 


tion of World War Two. Poor Quinn is 
always on the wrong side. Locked up 
work 


pest. The underground refugee commit - 
tee there smuggles his friends out, but 

they can’t help Quinn, because hes not 

Jewish. (Couldnt 1 please be Jewish? 
he begs.) Picked up by the Hung: 
police, he's shipped in a “volunte 
bor force to Germany. An SS mi 
with “scientific” racial theories pegs him LOOK far Manhattan® 


for a rue Aryan and, just as the Allies i 1 

obra ela uc pee at Одеса 
uniform, smiling like Mortimer Snerd аы 
from every magazine cover in Germany. 
On the strength. of this evidence, the 


Americans reimprison him in the camp 4 

they've just liberated and keep him two (2 AUAN. 
more yeas, umil Michael Redgrave = 
rushes over to defend him at Nuremberg. салаа et e a ciis ean YOO, 


Henri Verneuil has directed all of this for 


PLAYBOY 


40 


ПШ HICKD 


dust made fo 
big shots. 


|« OLD 


HICKORY 


pu 


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Jack Purcell 
The name of 
the game in 

casual shoes 


When you see the name 
Jack Purceil® on this sneak- 
er, you're sizing up a clas- 
sic. A classic in design. 
Classic in workmanship. 
Because the Jack Purcell 
has Posture Foundation — 
the exclusive built-in wedge 
that helps reduce muscle 
strain and supports your 
feet properly. No wonder 
this shoe has been so often 
imitated, bul naturally, 
never equalled. 

Wherever the good life 
leads you, Jack Purcell be- 
longs. It's the casual in a 
class by itself. Look for the 
name when you buy, at the 
stores with class. 


Jeet Purcell 
by B.F.Goodrich 


broad humorous effects. Our hero is a 
monumental schlep who never under 
stands the significance of anything that 
happens around him or to him. But in the 
sweep ol his accumulating disasters, the 
grand madness of those years is somchow 
encapsulated, and after all the kiughs. the 
t of the exercise must finally be that 
but funny 


ally was апу 


How ro Succeed in Business Without Really 
Trying, the popular Broadway musical 
now tu is a curiously cold and 
а heartless satire on 
corporation politics in which all the 
laughs are hollow. The declared intent 
of producer-director-sereenwriter David 
Swift was to make the movie a carbon ol 
the show, and he's more or less succeeded. 
The slick. machine-tooled surface of the 
original has traveled. omo ihe screen 
with none of the awkwardness that usu 
ally attends 2 movie actor who suddenly. 
against all logic, bursts into song. Robert 
Morse, rere role he knows back 

rd. does more grinning than is entire- 
ly bearable in giant close-ups. but on the 
whole his creepy. «бн charm works 
Rudy Vallee and Michele Lec, however, 
uso veterans of the Broadway production, 
bring their comicstrip characterizations 
intact from the stage, showing a frank 
detachment glossed with feigned en 
thusiasm. Although Maureen Arthur, 
Vallee’s sub row paramour from the 
ccretarial pool of We ld Wide Wie 
luc. fills a tight satin dress with talent, 


campy cor 


ability of any boy: 
s subverted by the 
portment of every male in the cast. In 
the flurry of wrists Mapping and failing 
in the executive washroom, the promi 
nent attractions of the ladies in the office 
are effectively overlooked. But if one of 
the troubles with HTSIBIVRT is too 
much mince and too lite muscli 
other is that the intended 
enough wit in it—as when Vallee defines 
when y phew is a 
damn poop." Hardly incisive. One of 
Frank Loesser's tuncless tunes tells us that 
Which is the 
best one can say about this elfore 


the 


nepotism 


mediocrity is not a sin. 


When conservationists of the arts set 
about preserving great theater on fil 
the arc gain is often the audience's 
loss. So ir is with the low-budget fac 
simile of Peter Weiss’ The Persecution ond 
Assassination of Jean-Paul Morot as Performed 
by the Inmates of the Asylum of Chorenton 
Under the Direction of the Morquis de Sode, 
filmed in 18 days by director Peter Brook 
and members of the Royal. Shakespeare 
Company. It is the same production that 
London and Broadway (sce Playboy After 
Hours, April 1966) endured with intense 
if somewhat uncertain pleasure. Weiss’ 
title sums up the plot. The Marquis de 
Sade, who was, in fact, locked up at 
Charenton for his sexual excesses, did 


ge public performances i 
And Marat маз. inde 
the mad v 
From such Гоо 
ares up a wordy debate betw 


the asylu 


otes 10 history, Weiss 
» Sade, 
ying 
individualism, and Marat, whose revo- 
tes man 


con 
who speaks for ruthless, self-gr 


lutionary commitment subordit 


to the masses. The argument dribbles 
away inconclusively, but the Haw was 


^, for director 
у to his con- 


scarcely noticeable on sta; 
Brook made all else secon 


ception of the Theater of Cruelty as а 


іс Happening, the play-withir 
within-amovie sigs under the trappings 
medium too many. Brook kee 

ck from the bleak 
ver the heads of 
y audience 
оше the w. drool 
Even duri aportant speeches, 
ms somersaults in the fash 


able 1th Ce 


а inself ix 
y to the « 


ers, in close-up 
but why must we zoom 
thing about as 
shampoo comme! 


Corday (brilliantly played by Glenda 
Jackson) whips Sade with her hair? 
Marat/Sade was a blood. bath built for 
immersion, but on film it allows 
n occasional dip. 


total 
only 


BOOKS 


In December 1965, three Americans 
defied the State Department 
North V b London, 
Prague, Moscow а Opposed to 
American. intervention in. Vietnam, they 
«d information on "ihe en- 
emy” and hoped to act as some kind of 
bridge to help end the war. One was vet- 
cran. Communist Herbert Арекет. The 
other two were Yale history professor 
Staughton Lynd, a New Left activist, and 
lom Hayden, a founder of Students for 
а Democratic Society. Lynd and Hayden 
have chronicled their journey, with some 
updating and analysis of the background 
ob the war, in The Other Side (New 
American Library). Although there is 
little new in their book for those who 
have read the lue Berard Fall, Jean 
d Harison Salisbury's re- 
York Times dispatches trom 
North Vietnam, The Other Side is а ust- 
ful guide 10 the reader who co 
the complexities beneath the 
Hayden and Ly 


ıd flew to 


1 document 
nese revolu- 
betrayed by 
have re 
ceived much less than full support from 


tionaries have not only 
the Western Great Powers 


Watch your step, when you use any of these three 
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Jack Purcell 
The tennis man's 
tennis shoe. 


You're looking at the shoes 
that set the standard since 
Year One. Now the Jack 
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winning edge on anykind of 
court—three different soles 
designed for clay or grass 
or hard surfaces. What- 
ever you play, you'll get 
ihe famous Posture Foun- 
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the strain off your legs, 
and out of your game. And 
you get faultless construc- 
tion and supreme comfort 
to match. No wonder this 
is the most copied court— 
and casual—shoe made. 

Never mind the imitators. 
Remember, class always 
tells with Jack Purcell's. 
Tell for yourself at your 
kind of shce dealer. 


Sek Purcell 


by B.F.Goodrich 


41 


PLAYBOY 


42 


the Communist Great Powers, in particu- 
lar the Soviet Union." Nor has China, 
they aver, been innocent of slippery con 
«luct. The authors also define the distinc 
tions between North Vietnam and the 
National Liberation Front in the South. 
Their book makes its greatest impact 
with its descriptions of some of the 
people on “the other side"—in Czechoslo- 
vakia and China as well as in North Viet- 
phic demonstration of the 
desirability of more direct observation of 
the dillering Ше styles within the Com- 
munist world. As a whole, the book is 
an elfective rebuttal to the main founda- 
tions and assumptions of official American 
policy in Southeast Asia, which is hardly 
winning converts for our definition of 
democracy. If and when negotiations 
finally take place in Vietnam, the next 
step. Hayden and Lynd emphasize, will 
be to redefine A interests, 
redefine communism . . . going beyond 
all conceptions inherited from the Cold 
War, especially beyond. the concept of 
“the other side” 


THE GENTLEMAN'S SHIRT 


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SERO OF NEW HAVEN e New Haven, Conn. 


Ever since he dispatched five 18th 
Century travelers across The Bridge of 
San Luis Rey back in 1927, Thornton 
Wilder has been a figure to reckon with 
in American letters. Bur it's been difficult 
10 decide exactly what that reckoning is 
He has writen too much out of the 
mind's designs rather than the hearts 
demands to be easily accorded rank as а 
major writer: at the same time, he has 


3 cred too many masterpieces to be re- 
Tiny pocket-size lets you ded as anything less. Of his handful 
carry day-long protection | of novels, in addition to the jewellike 
wherever you go. 


San Luis Rey, The Ides of March was a 
Binaca 


brilliant tour-de-forceful view of ancient 
POCKET SIZE 


Rome's fleshpots, and. Heaven's My Des- 
tination was one of the underrated nov- 
cls of the Thirties; those young men who 
с West (Nathanael) to savor a 
sense of the absurdity of that era would 
1 Wilder. 
So the judgment of Wilder has always 
seemed to stand on balance 
ting the definitive nudge. The Eighth 
Doy (Harper & Row), his first novel since 
1948, leaves him teetering. 
a cup of e it is abo 
as hip as а post-midnight espresso. The 
story line is tenuous, but the treatment is 
apeccable. Breckenridge Lansing, mine 
superintendent in Coaltown, Illinois, is 
killed in 1902. John Ashley. the mine's 
engineer, is accused of the murder. tried. 
convicted 


have 


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nd sentenced to death, But 
while being transported to prison, he is 
mysteriously rescued. Wilder then pro 
ceeds to spin out the fates of all the 
shleys and Lansings, flashing back and 
forth in time, leaplrogging Пот New 
Jersey to the Andes, from San Francisco 
to Moscow. There is the inevitable love 
affair between a young Ashley and a 
young Lansing and the inevitable attrac- 
tion between an adult Ashley and an 


Very concentrated 
Golden Breath Drops. 


adult Lansing. And finally, there is tic 
formal revelation of the truc murdercr— 
whose identity we have already gentcelly 
guessed. at 
The theme 


and the mysterious rescuers 

vintage Wilder: No one 
сап perceive the pattern in the maze 
Which brings us back до those five diverse 
travelers crossing. that. collapsible bridge 
in Peru. And back. to the ultimate Wil 
derian reputation, still in its state of 
suspension. 


One of Marshall McLuhan's f. 
quotations is from William Blake: “They 
become like what they behold." Ironi- 
cally. this electronic prophet of the death- 
ofprint culture has become a kind of 
book machine himself, with four (one of 
which he co-authored) volumes already 
on the shelves and a half dozen. more 
announced for the next year. Маі 
hans current contribution to what's- 
happening-now-baby discothéquenology, 
The Medium Is the Massage (Random House), 
is his fourth solo effort—this one with 
photographs by Quentin Fiore. In his 
first tome. The Mechanical Bride, Мел 
alyzed “the folklore of industrial 
finding a modern mythology 


orite 


man,” 


pop culture and advertising. In his sec 
ond, The Gutenberg Galaxy, he returned 
to origins, tracing the ellect of the 
ber amd the printing 
psyche and. forms of social organization 
And in his third great psychedelicutessen 
of а book, Understanding Media—serv- 
ing up rare cheeses, sour pickle 
lucinogenic caviar, lots of ham and 
little bread—McLuhan carried his 
technological determinism back into 
the "elecironically configured” present. 
McLuhan’s basic theory is that the histo 
of Western man has been determined 
largely by his technology, that media 
themselves have far-ranging psychic and 
social consequences totally independent 
of their content (“the medium is the mcs 
7) and that the 20th Century, in its 
transformation from mechanical to clec 
tronic technology 
matic reversal in man's psychology and 


press 


is wit 


social structures, from the fragmented 
and sequential world of the printing 


press, assembly line and individualism to 


lLatonceness of tele 
vision, electron al 
ism. To MeLuhan’s admirers, this new 
book—a word playful, convoluted expli 
cation, as the title implies, of electronic 
technology's. mind-bending impact on 
modern man and his instivutions—will 
scem a typographical Happening. To 
those less impressed, it will be little more 
than a glib Understanding Media Hius- 
trated. To McLuhan himself, it is a "col- 
lide-oscope of interfaced situations.” The 
worst prose stylist since Immanuel Kant, 
McLuhan olfers an exasperating mixture 
of hip quips and academic jargon, a kind 
of sociology-rock fed out on tape from 
n opium-cating computer, cach new 


the simultaneous 


automation and tr 


— 


6 YES OLD. IMPORTED IN BOTTLE FROM CANDA 
(Ј WALKER IMPORTERS ©. DETROIT, MICK. 
PROOF. BLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY. 


I married a bartender 


Yes, he fishes, too. Also bowls a respectable 178. 
And talks better golf than he plays, but who doesn’t? 


On the job, he wears a dozen hats. He’s a 
psychologist. A sports and current events expert. 

A counselor on you-name-your problem. The world’s 
most tactful and sympathetic friend. 

A teller of good tales and a joke-appreciator. 


Off the job, he’s Number One with neighbors, 
friends, kids, cats and dogs. I could call him the 
perfect husband. If it weren’t for his hours. 


Note from Hiram Walker: He’s Number One with us, too. 
And because May is National Tavern Month, won't you 
join us in a toast to your favorite man-behind-the-bar? 


“The Best In The House"? in 87 lands. 


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44 


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pe et 


version merely a rehashish job. He tries 
to assault all the senses at once by bom- 
Darding the reader with pictures, car 
toons. typographic jokes. advertisements. 
front pages of newspapers—and_ even 
upside-down pages and mirror images 
of pages to force the reader to De- 
come more "involved," This is а book 


10 touch. ламе, linen to and smeli— 
and even, at times, 10 read, preferably 
by strobe light. Between flashes, the 


reader may find plugged in. switched o 
freaked-out, amplified prophecy: or hy 


andserve pop-up sociology. 


kness for fasc 


Groucho Mars h: 
quips, bad. puns, w 
es i 


a we: 
men and cigars, but 
nce is writ 


probably his gre: dul: 
v; leneis. Since a С leuer i 
tably bestis а reply. the compilers of 
The Groucho Letters. (Simon N Schuster) 
have wisely collected: missives both by 
nd ro the. Marsman. They raise hom 
fan to pan. His correspondence with his 
oldest. mou communicitive sidekicks, 
like Fred Allen, Goodman Ace. Norman 
Krasna and Harry Kurnitz, is sometimes 
funny. but not always Lisci lor the 
outsider—too much backepatting and 
legpulling. Groucho is beter grouching 
10 strangers: а deter 1o Pennsvlvania 
Governor. William Scranton. asking. him 
to dearn the cornet pronunciation of 
mishmash (mishmash): onc to the presi 
dent al Chrysler suggesting that he pro 
mote safety instead of a snappy 
retort 10 Marjorie Dobkin. a lecturer in 
English ar Barnard College. who asked 
him to ra and cookies. He rejecis the 
invitation as not Геле, logical or sen 
sible. . . . Poam approximately 3000 


rou ty 


evi- 


style: 


es away amd I am tied up with my 
secretary.  . o. Besides, it is raining out 
side and I never go 10 New York when it 


riposte office, 
Го Confidential magazine he we 
ue 1o publish 
about me, T shall feel compelled 
10 cancel my subscription.” 
Groucho is hi 
T. $. Eliot, a pen-palship: that hes; 
mural admi 


ist 


es. TL 


vou e slanderous 


pieces 


he best of 
letters to literati such 


photos and ended in f 
Ship. After Gre ain Lon 
don, Eliot wrote that knowing Groucho 


has greatly. enhanced my credit in the 
neighborhood and particularly with the 
greengrocer across the sireci, Obviously 
The 
Lio Mary correspondence is entertain 
ingly sustained, but other exchanges are 
sketchy and sporadic (only one to Chico 
one to Harpo) and arranged by scatter 
gun. Reading The Groucho Letters 
sometimes seems like wading through a 
waste basket—bur it's worth the wading 


Tam now someone of importance.” 


a man who was dearly 
time, went bankrupt in 
p sentence Ol а 


“Му fathe 
head of h 
1922." This is the ope 


most entertaining look backward at the 
19305 by veteran journalist Robert Ben 
diner. Just Around the Corner (На per & 
Row)—"A Highly Selective History ol 
the Th informal burt in- 
formative, presenting the main events 
and personalities of those controversial 
years. Bendiner hits the high spots. co 

veying with sophistication the essence 
and mood of the cra without lapsi m 
10 either bitterness or sentimen: iv. He 
kly draws on his own personal expe- 
as well as those of others. which 
helps give his book its wittily appe: 
tone. He has a sharp eye for ironic juxta. 


sis 


ter on the “Federated Art” pic 
the New Deal with the observation 
the history of the world, few depre 
governments сап have given housewives 
free piano lessons." Writing of the cam. 
paign that ended with Roosevelt's land 
slide in 1936, he remarks that after the 
Republicans nominated lapless АН Lan 
don on the first ballor, “the histori 

minded recalled Daniel Websters re 
mark when the Whigs chose Zachary 
Faylor—that henceforth no mau could 


feel sale from being nominated. for the 
Presidency." The principal personages of 
the time—Hucy Long. Father Coughlin. 


Will a 
who looms largest aver that period of our 
“rendezvous with destiny.” F. D. Rare 
paraded with all their faults and virtues 
Bendiner is adept ar anting largerthan- 
life figures down to size. For those who 
lived through the Thirties. this book will 
be а nosutigia.povoking pleasure. For 
those born later. it provides a delightful 
means of getting a feel of what life was 
like in a watershed decade, 


Recent research indicates that. at Teast 
mong college students, the. pyschedelic 
yerition wants out Irom Life as it is 
lived by squ; пуле містам. 
li The Private Seo: LSD and the Search 
for God (Quadrangle), Willi: 
sees religiosity as the propellant behind 
the blowsourmind movement. The 
New Theology the Chicago: newspaper 
man 


m Braden 


nrheism 


ys is an Orient based р 
in which the Western notion of a Su 
preme Being is replaced by an “imma- 
nent” God. one who resides not in heaven 
but in cach of us Direct. personal 
confrontation. baby, This is а nonjudg 
ing deity, of the туре described on the 


bocenumer ире] bution: GOD asx" 
DEAD—HE [USI DOESN'T WANT 10 GET 
invoivep. Braden maintains that the 


«орош brand ol piety has been working 
ity way westward for centuries, and is 
the snug harbor of the LSD voyages. 
The author is least convincing when he 
attempts to establish this God-hunt. as 
the motivating thirst of the LSDuiks: on 
the evidence, the revelations they seck 
seem to be less holy than hedonistic. In 
fact, Braden hasn't n a book 


Shirt you're putting me on. 
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Don't expect me to take your word for it. 

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| could believe it was custom made. 

And | wouldn't be surprised if you told me that 

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about LSD at all. What he has done, 
and done well, is to write a crisp, lucid 
account of menon 
the new theology formulated hy 
op John A. T. Robinson of En 
Thomas Ашу of Georgia, William 
Hamilton, Paul Tillich and others. With 
a steady grip on an elusive subject, the 
author presents a plain-talking exposition 
of the current challenges to Judaco- 
Christian concepts of God, Jesus, the 
Incarnation, the Cruci the Resur- 
and the meaning of it all. As 
elic side show, The Private Sea is 
; as an intelligent man’s guide 
heof-God. dialog, 
nessespanding. 


лоч. complex. pher 


to the 
however, it is consc 


Imperious, eviltempered, ‘stubborn, 
incre Harry Cohn was 
one of the most powerlul men in Holly 
wood—and one of the most feared. 
While documenting his subject's faults, 
Bob Thomas, in the aptly titled biog 
phy King Cohn (Putnam), also shows the 
other side of the Cohn, The bad guy im- 
age was partially a creature of Coh 
ination—the man who loved to 
He treated producers with 
contempt 10 goad them to produce. 
Cohn loved a good fight. says Thom 
ad only respected. those who would 
fight with him. No matter how deep the 
dge—and ma arrow deep 
—Cohn usually forgave, which in his 
curious style meant. that he tried to hire 
. “I Kiss the fect of tal 
As Thomas tells it, he 
discovered the best, then lost. them be 
cause of his power of alicnation. Thomas 
actually catches Cohn ii arity. 
usually accompanied. by, “You tell any- 
body about this, you son of a bitch, and 
YI kill you.” The book is written authori- 
tatively—for 23 years Thomas has been 
the Associated Press’ Hollywood man— 
but he was faced with a couple of ol 
‚ Not only was the king dead, but 
during his life he was almost never inter- 
viewed. Once, trapped by a reporter 
who asked how he liked being president 
ol Columbia for 25 years, he snapped, 
“Irs beuer than being a pimp." Almost 
all of Cohn's words are reproduced as 
ed by others—and perhaps as 
^b by others. But if Thomas is 
never really able to tackle his monster- 
hero's psyche, he does catalog his quirks, 
such as his admiration for Mussolini, 
whose grandiose office Cohn copied. He 
tells how in moments of anger Cohn 
would be unable 10 spell Columbia cor- 
realy. And he indicates the many s 
of his long career, such as the fact th 
Columbis the home of the sophis 
cated film,” which, says "Thomas, 
tounded the many people in Hollywood 
who considered Harry Cohn the соп 


pleat vulgar 


be h 


y were n 


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47 


There’s a way to choose sportcoats and trousers that 
go together. These Matchmakers, for example. 
There’s a way to get this kind of current fashion 
and know that old-fashioned integrity is there 
too, in the quality way it’s made. There’s a 
way to go for high style and find you 
“ can get it for sensibly low 
prices. From 549.50 
for sportcoats, from $18.95 
for the complementary 
trousers. And once 
you wear an outfit like 
The Matchmakers, you'll 
want suits made 
the same special way. 


The. 
Tropi-lex 
way. 


‘or the name of 

you, write Worsted-Te 

D, Wolnue St. Philadel 
A ^ 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Н... do those of us who are not so 
beautiful ay your Playmates find m 
Jine companionship? My face is sufhci 
but Fm about 45 pounds overw 
Aud even il 1 were to shed this excess 
weight, as | have done two or three 
times in the past, I would still not be 
beautiful: 1 have large bones and а 
small bust, Please don't try to give me a 
lot of “personality” advice, because I've 
been around long enough 10 know that 
my personality is suitable to almost any 
n. I'm sony to say that 1 am over- 

n it comes to the men 
They mus be very well 
equipped in manners, dress, looks and 
personality. not to mention status, job 
and wages. I refuse to become part of 
‘social groups" And E refuse to hunt 
is there 

Mis J. D. 


males down. What sort of hope 
like 


for someone 
Га Wash 

As you describe. yourself, you're over 
weight and capable of slimming down 
but unwilling to do it at present; and 
you're completely unwilling lo take any 
kind of social initiative, even one as basic 
as gelling yourself where the action is, 
We can only suggest that you stop pity- 
ing yourself long enough to realize that 
you ате demanding qualities in men that 
you yourself lack. Either settle for your 
male equivalent or shape up and then go 
after the big pri 


ММ... dining in a restaurant where 
there's а strolling violinist, am 1 expect- 
ed 10 tip the musician even when no one 
in my party has called him ove 
Las Vegas, Nevada, 

No. Tip a restaurant musician. only 
when you've made a special request. 


И recently grad 
upon reading the fine prin 
ma, 1 discovered the phrase 
isfied the requir 


ated from college and, 
on my diplo 


degree with all the rights, privileges and 
immunities hereunto appertaining . . . 
Do you know the origin ol the term 
"diploma" Just what my “rights, 
privileges and immu 
Piusburgh, Penusyly 

"Diploma" (from the Greek word d 
ploun, meaning “to double”) originally 
denoted a signed, folded and scaled gov- 
rnment docunent that granted certain 
rights, privileges and immunities” to 
specified citizens of ancient Greece 
(later, the Romans adopted the idea). 
Thus, messengers and important person 
ages, such as counters and senators, could 
travel unmolested, oblain fresh tvauspor- 
tation, etc. The wording is still included 


nia, 


on some diplomas (not all schools use the 
phrase) for the purpose of pomp and 
circumstance. 


Wan a 19-year-old Negro college man in 
love with a white girl. I have known her 
for years and our relationship has slowly 
progresed from friendship to an adoles- 
10 physical intimacy, to 
love. Never, in eight have we 
gone out in public together; she is ex 
mely nervous about that. Lately, she 
become our whole 
s told me that we 
it up. Please believe 
„ I have tried. I dated other girls 
though without intimacy), devoted а 

deal of time to literature and in 
mi 
cannot stop loving her and I want her to 
love me and marry me. Is that hopeless? 
D., Tu ‚ New York. 

It sounds hopeless to us. In order for 
an interracial marriage to survive in our 
largely segregated society, considerably 
more love and individual fortitude are 
required than in a conventional mar- 


< Your girlfriend's desire to шї ор |THE NEW TASTE IN SMOKING 


and her unwillingness to be seen in pub- (n: айлада. vel a 


cent 


years, 


bious about 


lic with you clearly indicate that one or mild and flavorful you'll have 
both requirements are lacking. Because trouble keeping it from “her”. 
of the longstanding nature of your rela- 
tionship, we think it might be wise to 
change environments—at least for the 


coming summer. If a vacation regimen x Spartan 
b ich, 
of varied dating doeswt turn the mem- finish 


ory off by next fall, you might consider 
changing schools, 


$... other airmen and myself sta- 
опей here in the frozen north have got- 
ten into an argument over whether the 
Empire State Building sways i 
wind. A friend and I say it docs 
other airmen say it doesirt, Whois т 


Airograte 
Changeable bowl. 
Metal grate suspends 
tobacco. $3.65. 


Two 


Thorn 


—N. S, St. Anthony, Newfoundland. EC 
A spokesman [for the Empire State biasted finish 
$4.55. 


Building declares that the structure leans 
—nol sways—a maximum of one-fourth 
inch during a high wind. We'll leave the 
argument over semantics 10 you, your 


friends and Noah Webster. fun ined 


Double lining 
ої real honey. 
$5.95. 


How much difference is there beween 
alifornia tokay wine and the imported 
that comes from Hungary?—D. 
chicago. Illinois, 

Worlds of difference. California tokay, 
а baseborn mixture of port, sherry and an- 
gelica, is about ay similar to Hungarian 
tokay as lap water is to a vintage Bor 
deaux. Genuine tokay comes from а spe- 
cial grape grown only in the northeast 
corner of Hungary. Like other rare white 


Yello-Bole is made for men who like their smoking 
rich and full flavored. To create this unique taste 
the bowl is precaked with a new-formula honey 
lining. This gentles the smoke. Smooths the taste. 
fnriches the flavor. So effective — (ће imported 


brier bowl is guaranteed against burn-out 
Available in 2 variety of shapes, $2.50 to $7.50. 


49 


PLAYBOY 


50 


wines, the best tokay is pressed from 
grapes (called wockenbeeren) that are so 
ripe they're almost spoiled, having been 
left on the vine until they shrivel, and 
picked not bunch by bunch but grape by 
grape. Alee Waugh, in his book "In 
Praise of Wine,” wrote that an anony- 
mous Hungarian once described his 
country's native nectar їп these words: 
“Think of the most beautiful picture 
you have ever seen, the mast wonderful 
symphony you have ever heard, the most 
beautiful sunset on earth, the fragrance 
of the most exquisite perfume in the Rue 
de la Paix and the company of the person. 
you love most in the world. Add a touch 
of original sin, and there you have tokay.” 


Went met my girl а year and а half 
„ she зай she was a virgin, and I had 
son to doubt her. As nt on, 
became more intimate and our sexual 
clationship flourished. However, I soon 
found that she was always опе step 
ahead of me sexually. She was the initia- 
tor and aggressor, even suggesting we 
have intercourse—which we did. I soon 
€ doubts concerning 
of virginity. My s 
eventually came out into the ope 
we fought constantly before breaking up. 

For six miserable months I w 
shattered man. We finally made up, but 
then the pater of suspicion 


me we 


her 


а 


ind ассиѕа- 


tion bi . We are still going to- 
gether—indeed, we are contemplating 
marriage. But D still have my doubts 


d she still denies any intimacies prior 
to our meeting. Should I give her the en 
gagement ring she's asked for, or should 
© her the P. C, Long Beach, 
ew York. 

Fresh air is in order, all right, and we 
think it’s you who should try some. Your 
obsession with this girl's first consent is 
both adolescent and hypocritical, though 
common enough among young men. You 
have reduced a complex problem to a 
question of trust; but we think, since you 
present no real evidence that your girl 
has lied, that the answers will be found 
within yourself. Your own guilt feelings 
and ambivalence about sex, for example, 
may have been the cause of а compensa- 
Tory aggressiveness on her part. And your 
threatened self-image, caused by the pos- 
sibility that you were not “first,” could 
be behind your concern with her so-called 
purity. We also suspect that there is a 
more general fear about your own in- 
experience: Because you followed her 
lead, you may feel vulnerable and sub- 
ordinale. 

We certainly don't recommend тат 
riage while you're struggling with all this 
distrust. Give yourself some time, and a 
brutally honest  self-analysts, to learn 
why this girl's past is so vital to your 
future. 


Win do the 
A. C. Сома st 
Rucker, Alabama, 

A staunch old British firm, Auto- 
Carrier (now known as A.C., Ltd.) 
which currently. produces all production 
bodies and suspension components for 
the A, C. Cobra, 


in 
S, Fort 


С: a pair of dark cordovan shoes be 
worn with а white dinner jacket? If not, 
what shoes would be correctz—M. M., 
Brooklyn, New York. 

Cordovans are too casual for formal 
wear. While black patent pumps are cor- 
rect for formal wear, black calf or 
smooth leather slip-ons, highly polished, 
make acceplable substitutes. 


Bam а second lieutenant in the Army 
and the other day I took a first date to an 
oll-post restaurant. After the meal was 
over, the girl took out her make-up case 
and proceeded to "do her face" right 
there at the table. I told her point-blank 
that it was very bad taste to apply n 
up at the table and that she should go to 
the ladies’ room to do it, She replied that 
it was perfectly proper for her to do 
what she was doing, As you may guess, 
the evening ended with her doing an 
about-face out the door. Who was right? 
К. A. Petersburg, Virgi 

Technically, you were; make-up ap- 
plied at the table after a meal should 
consist of some fresh lipstick and а dis- 
creet dab or two of powder—not a major 
overhaul. However, it sounds like your 
table manners could also stand а touch-up 
or two. The next time similar circum- 
stances occur, tactfully mention the loca- 
tion of the ladies’ room, and if your date 
fails to take the hint, drop the subject. 
You'll never recruit any addresses, Lieu- 
tenant, if you address all your dates as if 
they were raw recruits. 


[| own a 19: 


Chevrolet that is in very 


good condition. The car has its original 
engine. The owner's handbook is in per- 
fea shape. Is my car considered а 
“classic"?—L. R., polis, Mar 


No. The Classic Gar Club of America 
defines a classic as “a fine or ‘distinctive’ 
automobile, American or foreign built, 
produced between 1925 and 1942. (ex- 
cept for Lincoln Continentals, which are 
included up to 1948). Generally, the 
Classic was high-priced when new and 
was built in limited. quantities, Other 
factors such as engine displacement, cus- 
tom coachiwork, luxury equipment such 
as power brakes, power clutch, “one-shot” 
or automatic lubrication systems (known 
to enthusiasts as "goodies') help deter- 
mine whether or not a car isa true clas- 
sic" What you own is а 1934 Chevrolet 
in very good condition. 


tennis 


Wy is the word “love” used 
instead of “лего” 
Corpus Christi 

Etymologists served up two 
theories. The “Dictionary of Word and 
Phrase Origins” traces the term back to 
the word "amateur" (which is derived 
from the Latin amare, “to love"), “A per- 
son who ‘plays for love,” the book 
states, “is literally playing for nothing 
al least nothing in the form of a tangible 
reward, Thus, the figure “ЧУ has for more 
than two centuries been called. lose— 
and the person who remains on the love 
end of many seis of lennis must truly be 
called amateur . . .” 

The recently published book “How 
Dil [0 Begin?" however, hypothesizes 
that “love” has a purely Gallic origin: 
“Nil, or nothing, is zero, the figure whose 
shape resembles an egg. The French, 
always subtle and quick on the uplake, 
adopted. their [word for] egg, l'oeuf, to 
announce ‘no score, Crosung the Chan- 
nel, Vocul was adapted to British tongues 
by being rendered love.” Deuce game 


have 


ІН... accurately can а doctor name the 
me preg- 
. how 


е on which a woman bec 
nam? And if he knows that da 
accurate will he be in predicting the 


strual cycle, her date of conception can 
be estimated within a range of five days. 
Here's how: Normally, her fertile period 
extends from the 12th to the 16th day 


after the beginning of her last menstrua- 
dion. If she had intercourse. only once 
during those five days, the exact date of 
conception can be fixed. Move common- 
ly. the doctor takes the mid-point of her 
cyele—the Hh 
approximation. 

Starting al this point, the date of birth 
is ап educated guess If the lady is in 
good health, the doctor predicts the 
birth for the 267th day after the estimat- 
ed date of conception. According to the 
chief obstetrician of a Chicage hospital, 
however, the actual birth date may vary 
from the prediction as much ах two 
weeks either way. 

To sum it up, childbisilis, like irain 
arsivals, can be predicted, but there's no 
guarantee they'll be on time. 


reasonable 


day—as a 


ЯП reasonable questions—from_ fash- 
ion, food and drink, hifi and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette 
will be personally answered if the 
writer includes a stamped, sel addressed 
envelope. Send all letters lo The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Mich- 
igan Ave., Chicago, Illinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages each month, 


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51 


PLAYBOY 


52 


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PLAYBOY’S INTERNATIONAL DATEBOOK 
BY PATRICK CHASE 


котлм.Е for the number of English- 
speaking girly annually in attendance, 
and des relentlessly long-haired 1th: 
most musical feres, is the Edinburgh 
Festival, to be staged in Scotland's capi- 
tal from August 20 to September 9. The 
event draws musicians, actors. film direc: 
tors. writers and starlets from all over 
Europe. If you plan 10 stay at the famed 
North British, Caledonian or Carlton 
hotels, where most Festival stars will be 
quartered, reserve your room now, Once 
the festivities are under way, performers 
d visiting celebrities will be wining and 
dining nightly at such elegant Conrinen- 
tal restaurants as the Epicure, the Aperitif 
and the North British's La Caravelle 

If you amive in Europe a week or two 
before the Festival begins, by all means 
head for Ireland's capital and the Dublin 
Horse Show, August 8-12. The principal 
social sporting event of Ireland's year, 
this equestrian extrava features 
military i ad an in- 
ternational jumping competition. More 
than 1000 horses are on display. and the 
show's annual auction of prime Irish 
thoroughbreds is always exciting to watch 

з Edinburgh. chances are you'll 
wee broth of a lass while out on 
" through the rye. If 


meet 
the town—or comi 


you do, surprise her by suggesting a 
drive to the seacoast on a day when Fes- 
tival activity inimum. Ar the 


tiny harbor of Newhaven, just two miles 
from Edinburgh's Princes Street Garde 
you cin buy fresh seafood directly from 
small incoming boats—and then repai 
10 her digs for dinner. A short drive from 
Newhaven, you'll come upon the town of 
Cramond, still steeped in the 18th Cen- 
tury and offering a spectacular view of 
the Firth of Forth, where the North Sea 
s Scotland's cast coast. Try 10 stop 
^s oak-beamed d 
s of shrimp, 
ng. (The meal will be 
ager or two of the Inn's 
special unblended Scotch whisky) An- 
other Firthside stop 10 make is at South 
sferry's Hawes Inn. where Robert 
wrote. Kidnapped—and 
ably also relished, аз you will, the 
"s first-rate kippers for breaklast 
From here, drive across the n road 
bridge u is the Forth to Dunferm- 
line, once the capital of Scotland and now 
equally famed as the birthpl An- 
thew Carnegie: through. Kirkcaldy and 
› to File Ness 


«c of 


Lan 


succession of pic 


turesque towns and seaside golf cow 

If you've still got a girl in tow, fly with 
her across the North Sea to Stockholm 
from there, another hour by plane will 
take you both to the rosebedecked 


es. 


medieval city of Visby, on the Swedish 
isle of Gotland. Here you'll want to rent 
у the sea on the grounds 
of the Snückgürdsbaden Hotel, an Old 
World coastal caravansary with its ow 
swimming pool and surrounded by 
sheltered coves seemingly built for two 

If she's a Scot and likes the outdoor 
life, fly farther cast 10 what шау well be 
the world’s most fabulous fishing pool. 
the Malangfoss. located at the bottom of 
a Woor waterfall in Norway's River 
Maals Salmon congregate here en 
masse: you should be able to haul i 
Teast two a day, scaling at between 10 
and 40 pounds apiece. A comfortable little 
fishing lodge has recently been built at 
the site. The Маап озу is just a mile 
from Bardufoss Airport, and Oslo is a 
four-hour light away. To highlight a 
quick weekend in Norway's capital. drop 
in for an evening's entertainment at the 
National Theater, where Ibsen's plays 
were originally produced (and scorned 
by а scandalized Oslo populace). 
After hopping a jet back home. you 
might opt for a stay in Massachusetts’ 
Berkshire Hills, where youll be able 
10 catch endofseason performances. ar 
Tanglewood. All through the summer, 
Tanglewood's open-air Music Shed ar- 
tracts top conductors to lead its weekend 
seris of classical concerts. Nearby Ja 
cob’ Pillow offers а summerdong sched- 
ule of dance productions: and to round 
things off, there's jazz at the Music Barn 
in Lenox 

As a final stop, back from your Е 
pean idyl, make it to New York's H 
tons, on the easten áp of Long Island. 
which have displaced. Fire Island i 
cent years as the East's swingi! 
spa. Cottages here rent for a scasona 


of $3000 to 515.000. If vou n 
ahead, such posh hostelries as the Ocean 
Colony mnis Club at Amagansett, 


1 Club or Dune Deck Beach 
Westhampton, or those at 
Sag Harbor and Wa 
€ room for vou. Once 3 
you'll find diversions as numerous as the 
girls who flock here from all over th 
t. Make it a point to stop in for cock- 
ils at Bridgehampton's Bulls Head Inn, 
which serves as poker headquarters for 
such playwrights as Edward Albee, Ar- 
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tony’ best spot for пі 
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53 


Fiat solves 
the topless controversy 


PLAYBOY 


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54 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


an interchange of ideas between reader and editor 
on subjects raised by “the playboy philosophy" 


THE MYSTERY OF SEX 

1 cor ме you for your reply to 
nurse Banret’s letter (Sex and. Murder," 
The Playboy Forum, February). 

The meaning of sex is not well under- 
stood. yet. physiological response 
1 factor, nor even as а 


Ot as a 


nor as a sociol 
psychological 
have ever been subject to 
rigorous investigation. 

During the past two years, 
discussions at Notre. Dame about 
the various aspects of sex, sexuality and 
responsible parenthood with a small 
group of noted theologians, philosophers, 
sociologists, psychologists, medical scien- 
tists and practitioners, biologists and 
chemists. We have been surprised to dis- 
actually know about 
the facts of sex: we cannot even speak 
with any degree of certainty about the 
ions of various social, ethical and 
al factors that have created the 
currently prevailing sexual morality in 
the Western. world. 

While Т am not sure that I agree with 
everything in The Playboy Philosophy, 1 
feel that an open forum on this topic will 
certainly епсошга nk and objec 
tive discussion of ch frankness 
and objectivity are long overdue, 

William T. Liu 

Professor of Sociology 
University of Notre Dame 
Notre Dame, Indiana 


we have 


ha 


THE DIVINITY OF SEX 

Why 
from the pre: 
they believed should I 
ed just 


can't we Icarn 


thing or two 
? Not everything 
ve been discard- 
Christ's 


because we accepted 
compassion for others as our guide for 
behavior. We can. keep that as our first 
consideration, and then we can make the 
sex act into а religion 

Let's turn the spot 
expericnce of orgasm as а sometime prel 
ude to creativity (and а religious experi- 
ence in itself), The world is discovering 
that churches are without significance or 
potency in important matters, 

We need a new humanistic religion. 
As part of the tora] атру, parenthood 
could be reserved for the deserving. A 
mother would be h priestess, and a 
father, someone special. This would 
solve many of our social problems, such 
as overpopulation, 

ОГ course, this r 


и on the holy 


igion would be la- 


beled and perhaps legislined against as a 


"sex сш” Maybe by puting “Christian” 
could bc 


in the such provst 
itigated: The Cult of Ch 
anistic app 


Give us sex with an open door affilia 
ion with God and we won't need war 
nd aggression. 
This letter is written by am over-60 
Tittle old Jady—not from Pasadena—who 
would appreciate anonymity. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Tacoma, Washington 


THE DEBASEMENT OF SEX 

Most civilized men know that 
its worst, is highly desirable, and 
best, is а feast no mortal cam u 
serve. In the raw, without love, it oflers 
the slumgullion we used to scoop out of 
a mess kit—which at least kecps a man 
from starving. Love, legal or , sa- 
aed or profane, is haute cuisine with 
sparkling white Jinen and a boulc of 
Claret on the ЫС, 

In abandoning the adultery of Mount 
Olympus for today's widespread com- 
mercial greed, we have traded the sins 
of the gods for those of the pigsty. 

John W. Rockefeller, Jr. 
Elizabeth, New Jersey 

А distant cousin of the rich Rocke- 
fellers, Mr. Rockefeller is the author of 
“The Poor Rockefellers.” His new book 
15 called “The Devil 15 а Communist." 


X, at 
t its 


SEX AND MARRIAGE 
There seems то be a great deal of con- 
com about physical infidelity, b 


по 
опе, to my knowledge, has expressed апу 
concern about other, even more serious 
peron can be unfaithful 10 th 
ge vows. What the wife 


who derides her husband's abilities to 


ways 


m bout 


him. to their children. 10 their friends? 
"The husband who publicly compares his 
wife with other women—in favor of the 


other women? The spouse who refuses to 
consider his or her partners comfort? 
And there is the wife (usually) who puts 
her family ahead of her husband; the 
woman who keeps her husband in debt; 
in who puts bowling and hunting 
the boys" ahead of taking his wife 
to a movie. 

These things represent greater “шь 
faithfulness” than an extramarital: bed- 
mate, People who place all the emphasis 
on the physical side of fidelity either do 


shades 
"RENAULD 


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sunglasses will never 
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© ^ Div. d Renauld Ini, Lid, ESI Burivay, Burlingame, Cali, 94010 


55 


PLAYBOY 


56 


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Be sure your "fragrance wardrobe" 
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A complete line of men’s toiletries including... 
-..the SHAVING CREAM, $1.50. 
. the PRE-SHAVE LOTION, $1.50. 

authentic redwood boxes, $3.00 to $10.00 


© MEM COMPANY, INC., NORTHVALE, М.Ј. 


Playboy shirts 

are set to swing. 
Wear in or out 
with everything 
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cool, free-wheeling 
cotton and Dacron” 
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Each, $6 ppd. 


Shall we enclose a gift card in your 


namo? Send check or money order to 
PLAYBOY PRODUCTS. 619 N. Michigan 
Ave., Chicago, Illinois 60611. Playboy 
Club crodit keyholders may charge to 
their keys. 


t is involved in 
BC VOWS ds а 
М cases, а 
husband. m 


not fully under 
а marriage or see the 
reabestate contract. Iu m 
woman who keep he 


m very 
those kids in the sexual 
uc are going to learn 
lot more to a 


Freedom E 
eventually th 
relationship than 


1 would like 
wersy " 
Playboy Forum columns about Stanley 
Е comparison ol wives with 
whores. I was very gallant of your many 
male readers 10 rush to the defense ol 
wives so vigorously. and ] wish I could 
agree that all wives deserve this defense 
Gentlemen, you should hear the typi 
cal suburban bridgetable conversation 
some alternoon when the hubbics 
at work. My blood runs cold at som 
ше cy udes bluntly expressed 
by "nice" women. You would be as bite 
as Mi. Eigen if you realized how n 
American fen y regard the 
bodies as gadgets to be used in а gume 
il to control their 


rec 


of bedroom black 
m 


Love. honesty, my children and my 
wonderful husband are the things thar 
make life worth g for me. But the 
wife who is actually a whore exists in 
miamy social circles, even the “best” ones 
more accurately, especially in the 
"best" ones. 


(Name withheld by request) 
Houston, Texas 


FRIGIDITY IN MARRIAGE 

I the wiiter of the letter. "Frigidity 
and Adultery” (The Playboy Forum. 
ary) is unhappy in hi 


Febr marriage 


wife. think how she must 
feel. 1 h a woman and Т can atest 
to the feelings of inadequacy. unwom: 
lines and frustration she experiences. 
Most probably she knows that he 
faithful and this only aggravates her 
problem. If sex is approached as "Now 
we will by hours of foreplay to bring ab 
normal you to dimas.” it will provoke 
resentment. I, instead. the husband de 
termines 16 ovaie а happy п 
nen amd to 


with a "frigid 


stop seeing other wu 


ric help for his wile, he will be giv 


et psy 


m borh the best possible chance 


а good sexual 


id personal relation- 


ship. 

He must talk with her. be tender with 
her and г nd that she feels 
so ned and miserable about her lack 
of reaction to his lovemaking that her 
body as well as her mind is in revolt 
This requires а vast amount of patience 
and love, My husband is one of the kind 
est men who have ever existed, and his 
awareness and thoughtfulness in this 


to underst 


Playboy Club News Ў 


ATI CLUBS INTERNATIONAL 


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CLUBS IN NAJO 


SPECIAL EDITION 


YOUR ONE 
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Keyholders and playmates enjoy a leisurely early 


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ff = = = = "зєсомє A KEYHOLOER. CLIP ANO MAIL TODAYS mm эш шш =m өү 


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=== 


PLAYBOY 


58 


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eat that E can hardly wa 
for a "whole" me for both of us to enje 
If the expense of time and psychia 
assistance se 
pr 
fee 
pain 
ach 


а are so 


ic 
s too great. let the de 
ed husband imagine how he would 
if no erection 
d ejacul 


vere possible without 
ion could never be 


(Name and address 
withheld by request) 


The anonymous writer of the 
ary Playboy Forum letter 
Adultery” advocates premarital intei 
course as а safeguard against marrying a 
frigid woman. He is in error. Before we 
е married, my ex-wife and I had те 
lations as often as we wanted. After four 
months of marriage, however, she found 
out she was pregnant and stopped want- 
ing to have intercourse at all. We sought 
the help of a psychiatrist. His findings 
were that sex before marriage was at 
tractive to her simply because it was in 
defiance of her parents’ wishes. Once we 
were married, the only reason for her to 
© sex was to get pregnant 

After pregnancy, she wanted to stop 
all relations. but out of "love" for me, 
she would lie there and let me use her to 
release my frustrations. She never cli- 
maxed at апу time in our marriage, but I 
still remained faithful. In the following 
years we were very unhappy, but we 
1 together for the sake of the chil 
I tried everything, including hours 
of foreplay, different positions. etc. with 
ho success, Since our divorce, I have had 
no problems with other wome 

Premarital intercourse is definitely no 
answer to a problem like this, Only а less 
repressive childhood could have saved 
my wile. 


u 
Frigidity and 


we 


(Name withheld by request) 
Lynwood, California 


THE NEW VICTORIANS 

T wish to express my appreciation for 
The Playboy Philosophy sevics. Such re 
evaluations of our social structure have 
long been needed 
called New 
spawned a rather odd breed of fish. For 
а better word. I shall call them 
the New Victo nding to have 
ghtened ned minds, these 
people rationalize in a circle right back 
10 the same old ideas that have failed so 
in the past Starting with the 
y^ they go 
tily to add that sex is good and 
ding only when limited to mar 
Then they reaffirm the traditional 
belief that the only worthwhile goal in a 
"s life is to be married as a virgin 
to tlie man she loves. This, they assure us, 
successful marriage, because it 
provides an "honorable beginning,” 

I submit that this is totally unrcalist 
lt would make a wonderful fairy ta 


However. the so 


Morality seems to have 


1 real life the odds are so great 
ast it that in most cases such a 
can only lead to soul. 
lure. Sex, like dancing and ten- 
s a sensory-motor exercise of partners, 
in which proficiency is gained only after 
long practice. Sex does not "come natu- 
rally" to Our divergence from the in- 
stinctual course of evolution is so great 
that even this basic act must be learned 
Until a person is well versed in the art 
of love, he isn't truly qualified for mar- 
riage. And this applies to both sexes 
Any man who demands that his wife be 
a virgin is himself too immature to be 
considered a good marriage risk. 
Сатих Keightley 
Denver, Colorado 
But anyone who suggests that sexual 
proficiency is a panacea for all the ills of 
marriage is guilty of grossly oversimplify 
ing a complex social problem. 


aga 
philosophy 


RESPONSE TO MRS. HOWAK 
1 agree with Mrs. C. Joseph Howak 
(The Playboy Forum, February) that 
rLavzoy is definitely having an effect on 
“the moral fabric of American youth"! 
PLAYBOY is undermining many of our 
society's most cherished traditions with 
its editorial exploration of the social 
and sexual ills of today. Indeed, if 
PLAYBOY isn't stopped, an enlightened 
younger generation is apt to become so 
incensed over suppressive sex laws, cor- 
ruption in government and wansgresions 
against our civil liberties, they arc going 
to demand that some real ch. 
I sincerely hope they do. 
L. L. Haight 
Menomonie, Wisconsin 


SS‏ ہے حت 
LT SSS‏ 


cs be made. 


In the February Playboy Forum, Мах. 
Howak tells you how much she despises 
It is rather interesting 10 
1 with opinions 
wasting time on an "obscene" magazine 
like rtavnoy. ] suspect she is one of 
those people who suffer from lack of a 
certain fulfillment in life and therefore 
seek excitement in spasms of virtuous 
indignation. 

The views expressed in The Playboy 
Philosophy are shared by most of the en- 
lightened people of the world. I would 
Jike to relieve Mrs. Howak of her abnor- 
mal fear that "the moral fabric of Ameri- 
can youth” will be destroyed by liberal 
thoughts. I can assure you that Scandi- 
navian youths generally grow up to be 
mature and responsible citizens, al- 
though their communities accept sexual 
freedom in almost all aspects of the 
word. We are still lacking in some ways 
—our official views on homosexuality 
and abortion, for instance. At present, 


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fears and you may yet live to see Ameri- 
can youth grow up healthy and happy 
a really Пее society. 
Vagn Jensen 
Sondre Strom F 


ord, Greenland 


ANOTHER MOTHER'S VIEW 
From опе Americam mother: Hug! 
Hefner has “the voice of one crying 
the wilderness” of a dirty-minded. soci 
ty, Lam graceful he exists and that, 
due to him, uglier may grow up 
л sexually saner and healthier world. 
Mis. L. С. Hansen 
West Long Branch, New Jersey 


THE REAL SICKNESS 
The 
imed in 


have been many accusa 
The Playboy Forum d 
azine is one of the factors 


Avnov ma 


g to the sickness of our socie- 
the real sickness is to be 
- minds of the people who 
and afllictive 
laws, who persee sexuals with 
orbid zeal, who attempt to st 
themselves as custodians of morality 

bedroom i 


abortic 


support 


m. who 
to think it 
evil and who | edible conce 
to think that their God should be the 
dstick of all mankind. 

‘These people pervert American socie- 
ty. and the menace they foment is the 
greater because they refuse to listen to 
reason. 


every across the n 


е so jealous of pl 


we the 


Kenneth Crossen, David Hill 


mbridge, Massachusetts 


DECLINE AND FALL 

Remember, gentlemen; When liberal 
sexual ideas Tike yours had a mas fol- 
lowing once before in history, the whole 
Roman Empire collapsed. И сип happen 
in and it will, unless America turns 
[rom Hefner and back to Christ. 

Mrs. M, Mt 
Newa 

Your ideas about the decline and all 
of Rome are based on Cecil B. De Mille 
cinemepies rather than on history. The 
celebrated “immorality” of emperors such 
as Nero Caligula had 
hundreds of years before, and had noth 
ing ta do with, the empire's Jall; Rome 
achieved its greatest power and pros 
pevity after their deaths. The empire ac 
tually began 
conversion 


and occurred 


zan to collapse subsequent to its 


to Christianity in AD. 


when the family of Constantine split il 
three parts and each began co 

spirmg against the others. Persecution 
of all non-Christian sects began in 325 
Thereafter (except for the abortive pa- 
gan revival of Julian Augustus, 361-363), 
strit Christian orthodoxy reigned 
throughout the empire, As Gibbon pomts 
out in his classic "Decline and Fall of the 
Roman Empire," non-Christians—togeth. 
er with all Christians who disagreed with 


into 


the theologians closest to the emperor— 
were subject to arrest, torture and lor 
death. Thus, when Rome fell to the bar- 
barians in 445 хл, it had been officially 
Christian jor 120 years. 


MR. CLEAN 

I would like to share the following 
quote with you, because it so well st 
thinking of the proc 
ality: 


onl 


This cleansing of our culture must 
be ded to nearly all fields. 
lit cinema, 
nd window displays 


ss, posters 
must be cl 


ised of ilesta- 
tions of our rotting world and 
placed in the service of a moral, po- 


litical and cultural idea, Public life 
must be freed from the stifling p 
fume of our modern croticis 
The right of personal frecdo 
recedes before the duty to. preserve 
the 


TAGE „+ > 


The author of this passage is Adolf 
Hitler, writing in Mein Kampf. as quot 
ed by Innovator. a Los Angeles libert 
à publication, which printed it together 
with a picture of Adolf titled "Mr. Cleai 
Successful Pornography Fighter." 

D. H. Riley 
Los Angeles, Cal 


nia 


LIBERTY IN THE LIBRARY 


I am a librarian and, like everybody 
che occupying th: 1 
confronted with local wc 
Hitlers who want me to remove се 


volumes from my shelves. To help me in 
fighting back. I would like a strong 
quote from your copious research files 
something suitable to show the boc 
burners before they have a chance to 
suike their figurative matches 
Carol Ste 
Los Angeles, Calitorni 
Toy this recent statement of policy by 
the lilnary of Palisades, New York, which 
appeared in the January 1967 "News- 
Leiter an Intellectual Freedom": 


If а member of the library wishes 
to find out for himself whether a 
certain publication is worthless, 
tasteless, vicious or inaccurate, it is 
the function of the library to give 
him an opportunity to do so. Fu 


thermore, history shows that many 
books that have been most contro. 
versial or objectionable to some per- 
sons or gronps have in due course 
been recognized to be among those 
books that most. rather than least, 
belong in public libraries. If an idea 
is truly dangerous or evil, the best 
protection against it is a public that 
has been exposed to й and has re- 
jected it; the worst protection is a 
public that has been shielded from 
exposure lo it by орист or self 
appointed guardians, 


Therefore, in the event that any- 
one im or out of the community 
should object to the library's acqui- 
sition or retention of а certam publi- 
cation on moral, political, religious 
or philosophical grounds, the objec- 
tion should be recognized аз an in- 
dication that the publication in 
question may well be of more than 
routine interest and may be likely 
to be requested by members oj the 
community who wish to judge its 
merits and demerits for themselves. 


AUTO EROTICISM 

Thought you might find the follow: 
excerpt. from the Gazette Citizen. 
weekly newspaper from the Santa. Bar 
bara, Calilornia, area, amusia 


It wasn't Lady Ghatterley's Lover, 


bur Sana Barbara did have its 
own obsceni I last week. 
And a Un at 
Santa Barbar D 
D. Н. Lawrence, but the court 
ruled that certain writing on the 


did have some socia 


student's c 


importance — . 
It all started on October 18, 
when a UCSB police detective spot- 


ted what he found to be offensive 
writing on the students 1959 Fiat 
000 parked оп campus... . On the 


right front door were painted the 
words “scons wonn.” The right 
rear side proclaimed. “viRcins or 
THE WORLD, UNITE, ALL YOU HAVE 


TO LOSE Is YOUR VIRGINITY.” On the 
FORNICATE NOW." 


left front fend 
And on the ri 
the c 
соор FOR VO 

... People 
cording to the 
the case] “will 
laugh. . 
and robu: 


ion 


seeing the car [ac 
pe who dismissed. 
look 
t it really 
nd of ching?” 


healthy 


A. R. Punches 
Santa Barbara, California 


ARCHAIC LAWMAKERS 

PLAYBOY readers are always complain 
ing about archaic laws, but how about 
the problem ol archaic fauna Not 
all the idione legislation regul: 
personal lives dates back 10 V 
times: some of it is fairly receni 
more of it is being introduced every e 
а every мше ol the Union. For 
1 quote from The 


charleston Gazette: 


offered 
ate] senate which 
would make it unlawful 1o undres 
n the presence of others 
Aimed at the operation of nudist 
camps in the state . . - the m 
alo would make it а crime to wi- 
dress "in amy place" in the presence 
(continued on page 17) 


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PLAYBOY 


62 


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soe WOODY ALLEN 


a candid conversation with the bespectacled comedian, screen- 
writer-screwball, little-league lotharw and self-styled superschlep 


Sol Weinstein, debuting Ihis month 
as а PLAYBOY interviewer, hay thrice re- 
galed our readers—in. serializations of 
Loxfinger;" "Matzohball" and “On the 
Secret Service of His Majesty the 
Queen” —with the exploits of his selizer- 
and-sonr-cream superspy, Israel Bond. 
An ex-newspaperman, he drew on his 
deadline-atdawn reportorial experience 
to beard this monih’s elusive subject in 
his New York den. Weinstein’s dispatch 
red to viaynoy collect—begins: 

n the cavernous attic of my ancestral 
estate, Twin Hangnails, in Levittown, 
Pennsy 


nia, the cameramen were set 
to begin filming my musical version of 
the notorious French novel ‘The Slory of 
O; retitled "Мийт" Jor the Stateside 
market. Under the baton of Bobby 
Darin, the Marat/Sade Choir was run- 
ning through the catchy score: ‘Who 
Whupped the Flesh Right Off o 2 
Back, Ma-a-aim?’;'A Floggy Day’; ‘Flag 
lation T. Cornpone*; and ‘You Should 
Always Hurt the One You Love.’ Held 
in place by a devilish contrivance of 
barbed-wire clamps was the magnificent 
naked body quivering in anticipation of 
the knout. The lovely half-caste, Desirée 
Mandingo, fixed her fearful eyes on the 
cruel tip. ‘Will it hurt, massa? 

“Of course i'll hurt, dummy, I said 
with some annoyance, "But you knew 
what you were getting into when you 
signed to do the picture. Now, let's keep 
our bargain. Go on, whip me, whip те" 

“The lash vang oul—so did the phone. 
For а second, Г couldn't. decide which 


had been more agonizing—the former's 
bite or the contumacious snap of the 
PLAYBOY editors command: ‘Go inter 
view Woody Allen; only keep it on 
а dead-yerious level. PLAYBOY'S readers 
have already gotten their quota of belly 
laughs from our interview with George 
Lincoln Rockwell? 

“Damn it! This ukase [vom the Playboy 
Building would play hob with my S. R. O. 
schedule of bigleague projects. But 
1 owed it to Hefner (Ner! as he is 
known lo the inner circle), who, by 
publishing the condensed versions of 
my Israel Bond espionage masterworks, 
had lifted me from the mire of obscurity 
to my present lofty status as а semi 
unknown. 1 barked at my wife: “Bring me 
a bow! of Red Heart immediately, clear 
the decks for action and hold up on the 
Jollowing commitments: (a) my offer to 
co-author with Harry Kemelman “Mon- 
day the Rabbi Turned Buddhist"; (b) my 
campaign to have our own rabbi, Irving 
Fierverker, of Congregation Beth El, 
ousted because, though he is a holy, 
learned. and fine man, he has failed to 
bring prestige to our synagogue by his 
unwillingness to solve а single murder; 
(c) my production of an LP, "William 
Buckley Reads the Poetry of the Fire- 
brands of Waits”; (d) the telethon I was 
to host [от the CH Foundation (Note: 
CH is a hush-hush disease not even the 
Reader's Digest dares talk about—Cere- 
bral Hemorrhoids]; and (e) my exposé 
for Fact, “What Were Masters and John: 
son Really Doing While They Were 


“Fuerything good that I've ever written 
is the result of a sharp, searing blow. 
1 smash my occipital area with a heavy 
mallet, then write down whatever comes. 
I do it for the money.” 


“If 1 could have any pet, it would be a 
clam. They're affectionate. loyal and keep 
burglars away. And they've quite respon- 
sive to commands. Oj all clams, cherry. 
stones ате the most dependable.” 


Supposed to Be Observing Human Sexual 
Response?” 

“Stalking the career of Heywood 
(Woody) Allen dictated a change of сох- 
tume, so 1 slipped оп ту Оу Oy Seven 
trench coat and trench hat, which meld- 
ed harmoniously with my chronic trench 
mouth, and touched the flame of my 
Zippo to my lips, inhaling the pungent 
scent of scorched flesh, Now, a lesser 
man would have asked Woody's press 
agent lo ship over a ton of publicity ma- 
terial from which a fast, shallow, insin 
cere “puff could have been punched out 
in two hours. But 1 am something 
than a lesser man, so 1 told him, ‘You 
keep the clippings, write the story, sign 
my name to й and send me PLAYBOY'S 
check by speciabdelivery airmail? The 
fink hung up. This business is full of 
them. 

“In its review of Woody's nutty muti- 
lation of a Japanese spy flick, ‘What's 
Up. Tiger Lily?! 
described the shriveled Socrates of Brook- 


nore 


Time magazine had 


lyn ах ‘an anonymous little giggle mer- 
chant who looks like a slighi defect in 
the wallpaper pattern? a typical, light- 
weight Time simile concocted patently by 
a man who'd never seen Woody close up. 
A truer depiction, I thought, would be 
“the oduct of a mad night of love be- 
tween S, J. Perelman and a barn п 
any case, I wanted to хее for myself, so 1 
arranged my first session with Allen at 
New York's Morosco Theater, where his 
first love offering to Broadway, ‘Don’t 


“1 take а chocolate-covered baby aspirin 
now and then, and groove myself out 
of my skull H heightens my orgasm. 1 
see colors more vividly, the birth of 
bacteria on Formica tabletops. 


63 


PLAYBOY 


64 


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Drink the Water, was in rehearsal. 
"The press agents uncooperative atli 
tude had рш me in something of а bind, 
however, and during the rab ride to the 
theater, E wondered aloud how I could 
ferret out the facts pertaining to the 
Allen saga. "Oh, said the brightfaced. 
creweut cabby, ‘you mean the Woody 
Allen who started as а teener batting 
oul 25,000 jokes Jor a PR agency that 
used them to make ils clients hilarious in 


print, became a top writer [or Sid Caesar 
and Сату Moore and won the С 
writer of the Year award from George Q. 
Lewis Humor Society of America, then 
became a fledgling comedian at Green- 
wich Village bistros like The Bitter End. 
which, in (um, led to smash performances 
on the "Tonight" show and “The Jack 
Paar Show,” а wild money-maker of а 
screenplay, “What's New, Pussycat!" а 
vole in "Casino Royale" and the scripting 
of “Don't Drink the Water” and "What's 


Up, Tiger Lily?” That Woody Allen? 
“You've been mildly helpful to me, 


cabby; 1 replied. “As a reward, 1 won't 
mug you. 

“I parked myself in the third row of 
the theater, my trained eye catching Lou 
Jacobi, Kay Medford and Anthony Rob- 
erts emoting on stage, although it was 
difficult to pick up their dialog because 
of the roar of the greasepaint. When 1 
did become acclimated acoustically, 1 
found myself howling at the seemingly 
endless spate of crackling one-liners. 

^'Gosh? I observed on my way to 
Woody's dressing room, ‘more than three 
decades have elapsed since Kaufman and 
Hart brought “Once ina Lifetime" to the 
Great White Way—uand il still holds up. 

ni bleated a petulant voice. But 1 
wish they had the decency to rehearse 
my play? 

~The room was completely empty, and 
1 wondered where the voice had come 
from. Then, after а minute of utter si 
lence, a slight defect in the wallpaper 
pattern began to move. Making a mental 
nole to renew my subscription to Time, 
I switched on my Webcor and pleaded 
with Allen to say anything that was on 
his mind. 

* "Dandrulf/ he croaked and started to 
back into the wallpaper. 

“Woody, Im a friendly sort, really. 1 
got your albums, and I thought they 
were just melorooney. alligator’ A re- 
freshing hipsterism would cement our 
relationship fast, I shrewdly reckoned. 

“He wore a lavender smoking jacket 


сти 


that had once belonged ta Laure 


Harvey's dog, and a snug pair of Levi 
Strauss midafternoon walking jeanlets. 
He nervously drummed his fingers, 
which were genuine Slingerlands, against 
his yed-thatched cranium, ‘Be kind; he 
moaned. ‘I'm afraid of my shadow 

“From what 1 can see, you have no 
shadow,’ 1 said jovially, ап a bid to 
reassure the twitching lad. 

“His uneasiness gone, Woody leaned 


This is it. Surfing a catamaran. The 
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Catalina’s part of it, too. A big 
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and jackets set the trend every year, 
and '67 is no exception. Catalina 
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65 


PLAYBOY 


66 


wearing an 
air 
conditioner 
in your 

hat 

this 
summer 


ШЕ ШЫ 


Now there's Koolon, a great new 
development that'll keep you cooler 
with your hat on than you've ever 
felt with it off. Cooler for everyday 
wear . . . and for sports, active or 
spectator. 


Koolon replaces the old-fashioned 
hatband. It's made of mesh, 
absorbent and aluminum. When 
moistened, it uses the principle of 
evaporation to keep you much 
cooler — from head to toe — for 

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See them at stores 
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against the dressing-room wall and be- 
gan to whimper freely. This is the result.” 


PLAYBOY: Ву now, hundreds of thou 
of people have seen your new Broadw 
Don't Drink the Water. Did you 
it would be such 
ALLEN: Not until some glaring faults were 
corrected in the Philadelphia tryout. We 
decided to open the curtains, light the 


stage and use actors. 

PLAYBOY: In précis, what is its message to 
humanity 

ALLEN: An unequivocal admonition to 


r from imbibing H,O. 
PLAYBOY: We appreciate your 
Why didn't you appear in it yourself? 
ALLEN: Oh, 1 wanted to, heaven knows. 1 
1—but I didn't get it. And 
I even slept with the author. 
PLAYBOY: How long did it take you to 
write it? 

ALLEN: Four hours. 

PLAYBOY: Why so long? 

ALEN: Т couldn't concentrate for the first 
two and a hall ho 
PLAYBOY: Aside from the basic concept, 
are there any lesser themes 
through the pl 
ALLEN: Yes. Th 
ellort to brush their teeth at least twice 
day. 

PLAYBOY: Соп Gleem? 

ALLEN: I'm not push 
produa. WI 
crated 


candor 


t people should ma 


е 


ng any particular 
matters ds the conse 
t оГ brushing itself. It prevents 
wities. If this play cam prevent one 
single cavity, then 1 have fulfilled 
obligation to America 
PLAYBOY: Аге you pl. 
Don't. Drink? 
ALLEN: Actuall 
of a trilogy. Р: ave no 
ideas for as yet. However. the best. trilo- 
gies are those that run three-two-one, 
ther than in ascending orde 
PLAYBOY: Remind us never to let you bet 
for us Churchill Downs. Woody 
you've just immersed yourself in ıl 

frantic, sinister world of James Bond, at 
least in Charles К. Feldman's version of 
007, Casino Royale. How did you get 
involved in it? 

ALLEN: Feldman asked me to. I would 
е accepted acting role at that 
price—even a Greek chorus. 

PLAYBOY: What was your contribution to 
the film? 

ALLEN: Substantial—rape, looting and 
urder. As Sir James Bond's nephew, 
Liule Jimmy Bond, who is sent off on 
gnment, I incinerate a few people, 
Pull off some daring escapades, some 
high jinks—the whole thing 
ating in a terrific pay check. My 
portrayal adds a new dimension of i 
credible cowardice hitherto. lacking in 
these movies. 

PLAYBOY: Do vou identify personally with 


belles-lettres. 
g a sequel to 


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suave superspies like James Bond and 
Derek Flint? 

atten: No. But | did cach Fantastic 
Voyage, and I identified strongly with 
the germs 

PLAYBOY: We imagine you got to know 
London pretty well during the filming of 
Casino Royale, Is it really the switched- 
on city it’s reputed to be? 
ALLEN: Yes, yes! They have 
soft-drink stand. 

PLAYBOY: What hip, fab, gear things did 
you do there? 

ALLEN: 1 strolled about. I sat in а chair— 
twice. I went to a newsreel theater. I 
was sold pornographic dental X rays. 
And once a gypsy woman sidled up to 


n all-night 


me and unashamedly said the word 
“Joins.” 

PLAYBOY: Did you run with the 
crowd"? 


ALLEN: I had а very swinging group. We 
visited. the tomb of Guy Fawkes and 
blew it up. hung out in Limehouse and 
hobnobbed in Whitechapel, where the 
Ripper does his mischief. 
PLAYBOY: Does? Jack the Ripper is dead. 
AMEN: He's very much alive, 1 know this 
from personal experience. Years ago, I 
was taught how to dress in female garb 
by Irene Adler, whom 1 shall always 
consider to be the woman. While in Lon- 
don, 1 assumed the guise of an octo- 
genarian trollop down to the last detail 
—rotting hoop skirt and bustle, cracked 
саке make-up, and so on—and during 
of my walks through shadowy White- 
chapel, a black-cloaked man leaped out 
of a doorway and slashed at me with 
razor, crying: “Saucy Jacky strikes 
again!" He was the spitting image of 
Basil Rathbor 
PLAYBOY: Dil you buy any kicky Car- 
aby Sucet togs while jou 
Londou? 
AEN: Yes—a nifty shect-metal suit and 
ап all-crab-meat overcoat. 
PLAYBOY: You shot What's New, Pu 
cat? on location in Paris, Are you 
with the way it turned out? 
ALEN: It turned out to be the gr 
naking film comedy of all time. 
АП things considered, I thought it came 
olf very well. 
PLAYBOY: What purt did you like best? 
ALLEN: When Rommel gets defeated. 
PLAYBOY: Don't you think Pussycat would 
have had more credibility if you, rather 
than Peter O'Toole, had won Romy 
Schneider at the end? 
ALLEN: Yes—but we were going for a 
far-out, unbelievable ending 
PLAYBOY: Did O'Toole come up to your 
sexual standards? 
ALLEN: He came close. But 1 have two or 
tee moves he could never duplicate. 
Not unlike things you've seen Olympic 
high divers do. 
PLAYBOY: It's rumored that you i 


were in 


money 


seen nude in every film 
you n Is this truc? 
ALLEN: 1 have done a 
every picture, but you 
1 have Dacron flesh. 

PLAYBOY: [ 
of your 


nude scene for 
1 tell, because 


t's have your frank opinion 
test cinematic elorn, What's 


imental film | was 
nally it маха Japa 
nese espionage vehicle. What I did w. 
to cut out the Japanese dialog, write new 
dialog and put it into the mouths of the 
actors. What I wrote is completely con- 
trary to what they're doing at the same 
time on the screen, so it comes off funny. 
Matter of fact, Tiger Lily was just voted 
one of the ten most Japanese pictures of 
the year. 

PLAYBOY: What new projects 
drawing board? 

ALLEN: I would like to shut myself up for 
a year and try to write а perfectly 
rhymed couplet. Iso working on a 
ismute baser metals into gold 


пе on your 


disproven ye 


their lies. I ating inter 
puppets, Га ater, nothing 
nude st 


nkering with the 
idea of doing a musical хе of the 
ilgamesh. the Babylonian Bible. And 
after that, а no-character, off Broadway 
dia which I may call Death of a 
Salesman just to hypo the box office 
PLAYBOY: It sounds as if you're far too 
busy to relax with hobbies, such as the 
judo lessons you were allegedly taking 
some time ago. 

ALLEN: With the help of judo, 1 have bro- 
ken every major bone and organ in my 
body. Judo enables one to do th 
quicker than any other for 
defense. But I do have many intriguin 
hobbies. 1 collect stamp hinges, I pl. 
the comb, I threaten old ladies and I 
carve soap. 

PLAYBOY: What kind of soap do you 
ALLEN: I tried Lifebuoy initially, but Life- 
buoys a син medium to come to 
terms with. For essential purity. one 
should use Ivory. 

PLAYBOY: What do you carve out of soap? 
AUEN: Soap dishes. 

PLAYBOY: You used to play a. pretty fair 
clarinet. too, we're told. 


е? 


as а clarinetist. But my real m 
bition is to be the fist white bop harpi 
PLAYBOY: Wasn't there a jazz harpist 
named Corky Hale? 

auen: Well, I play the jew'sharp . 
Let's backtrack a bit to your 
show business, when you 
were g jokes for Sammy Kaye, 
Guy Lombardo and Arthur Murray. Ot 
them all, who did your material the most 
justice? 

ALLEN: Oh, Га say Sammy Kaye for the 


In between beer and liquor 
there’s malt liquor. 

But there’s nothing in-between 
about Country Club. 


hs 
4$ HALF QUART 


PLAYBOY 


70 


one-liners. Guy Lombardo for the long- 
er, more philosophical routines, But 
Arthur Murray got the most mileage 
out of the material, because of what ГА 
«all his "good look. 


PLAYBOY: These were also the days when 
you were, shall we say, being phased 
out of New York University and City 


ollege of New York, Any regrets? 
ALLEN: I wasn't exactly phased ош. I was 
iven a Section Eight, the only one ever 
гаса by liary 
My only regret is that I wasted as much 
time as I did in those places. The whole 
experience was like swirl а grim, 
grisly pit of eels. When they called 
board of deans to sever ot 
connection, they said, among othe 
things, that they didn't like being con. 
sidered а grim, grisly pit of eels. They 
also called the police. To this day, I 
recall that just as the dean gave me the 
ах, he opened his г: nd blushed. 


institution 


aw; 


Queer duck 
PLAYBOY: Then came your break-in nights 
at various Greenwich Village bistros. 


ke 


Would you advise young comics to 
the same route? 
ALLEN: The Village still seems to be the 
place to get started. Theres no other 
route. In those days I wiced them all. I 
even i jes. For 
place called the 
d Î had to supply 
nd wardrobe. Things 
job ас 
I. E started at $75 a ме 
s I was pulling down 
Still no cab fare, 


just two yea 


fast S76 a we 
though. 
PLAYBOY: Ther a story that the ow 
of The Bitter End used to send lovely 
models on stage during your shows to 
сазе you through panicky moments by 
feeding you ice-cream sodas. Is that 
true? 

ALLEN: Yes, but it is indicative of my 
maturity as both performer and human 
being that by the end of my engagement 
I had begun eschewing the ice-cream 
sodas and assaulting the models. 
PLAYBOY: Dy now, do you think the pub- 
accepted you as a star of the first 
« not just another pretty 


Tace? 


ALLEN: I think so, although it has been 
very hard to overcome my uncommonly 
fine features in a society that puts such 
premium on them. Anyone with an 
eye for aesthetics can see that just by 
scanning me. 

PLAYBOY: What kind of people comprise 
your audi 
ALLEN: Ри 


ce 
arily left-handed people, sin- 
gle taxers, a liberal sprinkling of deviates, 
some Lutherans. The rest are Eskimos, 
PLAYBOY: Do you think people of dilfer- 
cnt social and ax can 
appreciate the same jokes? 

ALLEN: No. In order to appreciate the 
same jokes, you must be making thi 


economic m 


identical salary of a 
ug the 
deduction 
PLAYBOY: Is there a personal trap in being 
a comedian? That is are you always 
expected to be funny 
ALLEN: Yes. But I fool people. I stand in 
the corner at parties and. pretend to be 
an end table. 

PLAYBOY: Do you feel there's any р: 
lar need for scatology in humo: 


person appreci 
ame jokes. And that includes 


ticu- 


swinging Ella Fitzge 
laughs come back again. 
PLAYBOY: We meant obscenity in h 
ALLEN: There's no particular need. If the 
counts. І 
could watch nuns do an ac if they we 
funny. However, if you're dirty and fur 
пу, you run a greater risk than bei 
clean and funny. Dirty and funny—you're 
a comic. Dirty and unfunny—yowre a 
child molester. 

PLAYBOY: If you hadn't been blessed with 
your comedic gift, what would you be 
doing now? 

ALLEN: 1 Га be a bum. I don't 
believe in any sort of labor 
PLAYBOY: If you were really up адай 
would you be willing to panhandle? 
ALLEN: Since I can't interact socially, I 
couldn't take the emotional contact with 
the victim, Purse snatching would be far 
mo It's over quickly. No rela 
tionship. No guilt. Also, it’s tax-free and 
a swell way to meet women. And you 
can sell the purses afterward. 
PLAYBOY: What gives you the inspiration 
for this kind of far-out humor? 
ALLEN: I smash my occipital area with a 
heavy mallet, then write down whatever 
comes. Everything good that Гуе ever 
written is the result of a sharp, searing 
blow. 

PLAYBOY: A great deal of your comedy is 
selfdeprecatory. In your heart of hearts, 
do you really think you're funny? 
ALLEN: k I'm a seream—but no one 


fortune 
with the world.” Is he right? 

ALLEN: No. I do it for the money. You 
get even with the world. It takes 
too long and too many lawyers. 
PLAYBOY: Much of your subject matter is 
derived from your middle-class Jewish 
upbringing. How do you feel about 
Jewish humor? 

ALLEN: "There's а common misconception 
about my being Jewish. What it is, real 
t I'm not gentile. My father is 
roglypl ad therefore believes in 
mercy killing and free lunch. My mother 
is an orthodox paranoid and, while she 
doesn't bel an afterlife, she doesn't 
believe in a present one, either. I, if the 


can 


ve in 


truth be known, am a devout pervert 
We're a small sect who meet on crowded 
streetcars and worship in our own way 
PLAYBOY: You've said that your parents 
t show business as an enterprise 
psies.” Do they still want you to 
macistz 
more, They'd rather I got 
g on the docks—or prize fighting, 
PLAYBOY: According to Calners du Cind- 
ma, people laugh at you because you 
symbolize the little man who can't fit in 
with the dehum g world of technol 
ogy. Are you still at odds with that 
world? Iv’s been noted, for example, that 
you don't drive а car. 
Aten: The National Safety 
year presented me with 
moror vehic 


ouncil this 
golden scroll 
for not operating They 
estimated that by my staying off our 
highways, 68 e saved. 

PLAYBOY: While we 
your mechanical 
Iso discoursed r 
oom clock, which r 


ves w 
е on the subject of 
incompetence. 

fully about your bed. 
ns counterclock. 
ad а tape recorder that talks back 
to you in bored fashion: “I 
know, Woody, L know - . ." Why do you 
think machines single you out for thi 
kind of w 
There's a definite malevolence in 
mate objects—like the penc 
that breaks its point when I need. it to 
sign something. I's willing to do that, to 
fice itself, just to impede me. Have 
and no. 


you've 


wise, 


snotty, 


ment? 


sac 


you ever stepped into a show 
ticed the deliberate sequence of ice-cold 
boiling water, ice-cold water 
again? Or the way taxicabs avoid you 
when you need one hurry? It's a 
conscious conspiracy, І think I'd like to 
write a paper on sinks. 

PLAYBOY: Sinks? 

ALLEN: There's evil in sinks. They have a 
decision-making ability no one knows 
about. In short, I have never ki 
noncommitted object. I know this theory 
of mine will erode the very roots of exis- 
tentialism and incur the enmity of 
French intellectuals, but that's the w 
1 feel. 
PLAYBOY. 


wat 


it been beneficial to you? 
ALLEN: It did unblock my bank account. 
Though 1 must confess, I retain а tend- 
y to run down the streets in under- 
shorts, brandishing a meat cleaver. 
PLAYBOY: What's your analysts react 
to the spoofs you've done about him? 
Auten: [Us hard to say. He thinks he's 
bathroom plunger. The whole thing has 
cight years of unmitigated free as 
soci him. Thus far, no break. 
throughs for cither of us. 

PLAYBOY: Why not? 

AMEN: Because I don't believe he should. 
know everything. Anybody can effect an 
alysis if he knows the facts. But I 
hhold strategic information, like the 


bee: 


tion for 


WHAT GIVES 
TAREYTON THE 
TASTE WORTH 
FIGHTING FOR? 


The charcoal tip. 
It actually improves the taste of Tareyton's 


fine tobacco. So join the Unswitchables. 
Smoke Tareyton. 


“Us Tareyton smokers, 
would rather fight 
than switch!” 


71 


PLAYBOY 


72 


fact that I'm married, my fears, my sex. 
occupation. 

PLAYBOY: What does he think you do for 
а living? 

ALLEN: He thinks I'm a quicklime sales- 
man. 

PLAYBOY: Who is your 
AMEN: A Croatian midget. Another г 
son I сата tell him everything is that he's 
ably in cahoots with his couch, You 


trust him or his couch. 
PLAYBOY: What kind of financial ar 


ALUN: T get him broads. 


PLAYBOY: Y ioned your fears, Is 
yielding to homosexual urges one of 
them? 


ALLEN: Hardly. I have a lethal hetero- 
sexual potency thar I supplement with 
budgecpriced. vitamins from shady mail- 
order houses, En urally throbbing. E 
could walk into a crowded room and 
radiate sexuality 
PLAYBOY: Do you? 

ALLEN: No. because I'm crowd-shy. How: 
ever, T will occasionally do it by backi 
› an empty ro 
PLAYBOY: This legendary shyness of yours 
—does it still plague you, for instance, 
when a stranger recognizes you on the 
street and gives you a cheery gr 
Atten: I continue to be abnormally with- 
drawn, My reaction to such а salutation 
would be to blush 


great..." eu? 

ALLEN: ЇЧ ра nd de 
Then Fd try to force him 
who he is. Then. 
could scek new thi 
afresh, 

PLAYBOY: Some critiques of your material 
have suggested that your success is predi- 
your failures. Yet we see bi 
lore us a man with a lovely new wile. 
king in the coin of the realm by 
the bushel from his plays, movies, 


being me. 
o denying 
as Iwo impostors, we 
ngs in common, start 


club. s und 
publications as The New 
Yorker and this learned journal, Yor 


n to be h 
mos men have winning 
AUEN: My life is still a series of small fail 


wing more fun failing th 


ures accruing to à monumental catas- 
trophe. Given a fair opportunity. T can 
screw up any situation, While it may 


be true that the external trappings of 
my existence have changed, the basic 
problems remain. 
PLAYBOY: What are they? 

Auen: I'm still striking out with women 
—but its а beuer class of 
PLAYBOY: Are you still paying alimony on 


women 


your first marriage? 
ALLEN: We've а agement. We alter- 
L pay he years then she pays 

for а уе air thing is I'm 


& for child support and we had no 


Would 


PLAYBOY: have 
childre 
AUEN: Eight or twelve little blonde girls. 
I love blonde girls. 

PLAYBOY: Would you like them to 
show business when they grow u 
ALLEN: Га € to sec them either in а 
monstrous trampoline act ог hustling 
drinks in Tijuana 

PLAYBOY: You and your new wife just 
озса imo an apartment in New York. 
‘Vell us about ii 
ALLEN: It’s still in the process of bci 
ished. It looks like 


you е 10 


0 into 


ig lur- 
fount Palomar. The 


living room is French Moroccan a 
touch of Algerian Resistance. The dining 
room is Aramaic; the sun parlor, Heavy 


Latin: the gym, Early Flemish. A stuffed 
Redo: nds ar the gateway to the 
umbrella closet. We eat off 


case, Our bedroom is under w 
don't get as much sleep as we'd lik 
"t hold our breath long enough to get 
our basic eight hours. Bags of cement lie 
about here and there, and clusters of 
age effectively arranged by our dec 
orator, whos aho lying about—elfec 
tively arranged. by Jus decorat 
PLAYBOY: Would you call this 
ad? 

ALLEN: No, I'm not а Playboy Pad type. 
The hems I described. all from 
old one-room apartment, induding the 


yboy 


decorator. 

PLAYBOY: Then you wouldn't like a 
round, revolving bed? 

ALLEN: No, 


а bed sl: 


Ghana 
PLAYBOY: What do you 1 The 
Playboy Philosophy? 

AMEN: D think it consumes space that 


would be be 


er used for nude pictures 


Pack the magazine with. is my 
philosophy. 

PLAYBOY: Woody, for all your sexual 
braggadocio, you've admitted that you're 


“no fun at oo that you've 
become a big star and hobnobbed with 
the worldly international set, would vou 
revise that statement? 

ALLEN: I've never been to an orgy, honest 
ly. II was invited to one, I'd be the guy 
they sent out for cold cuts. Anyway, I 
wouldn't care too much for the sight of 
sırange n п. However, I wouldn't 
mind етсе or 
PLAYBOY: How would you emcee an orgy? 
ALLEN: Oh, 1 guess Pd just do my regular 
act. And 1 suppose they'd do their 
regular act, so it might work out. 
PLAYBOY: We doubt it. You're said to be 
a nonparty type who prelers 


ow 


in a adest fashion at home, What 
would be your idea of a congenial eve- 
s; Would й be spent with fellow 


entertainers? 
AUEN: I'd rather spend it with onc other 
person with whom 1 have absolutely 


on. The c 
ag any sor 


nothing in com 
could be spent 


re eve 


void of con 


tact—mental ог physi 
issues, if necessar 


aland ducking 
by staying in the 


PLAYBOY: If you feel that w 
refuse 10 
arrives? 

AUEN: Oh, that would be rude. Unless, of 
coune, I left a candy dish on the stoop 
PLAYBOY: When youre not throwin 
bacchanabs how do you spend 


ау. why not 
wer the door when a guest 


you 


Tonight show for diversion. Fr 
AM. anguish 
to five a.st—remorse 
eview of my lile 
s. featuring the ten outstand 
15 minutes of advanced 


one to three 


tor 


ment 


schedule of 
AUEN: No, 
However, I have experienced dre 
© occasions. In one. I acked In 
cheese, In y is dipped in 
a vat of feathers. In yet another, Û make 
love to some moss formations. A fairly 
common one has me straying through an 
empty field, kissing rare minerals while 
my mother, symbolized by а pengu 
smokes а Kool and wrestles the Harl 
Globetrotters. During ihe fih 
asino. Royale, 1 dre 
Andres’ body stockin 
PLAYBOY: In your peregrinations, you've 
contact with some of the world’s 
fetching film goddesses. Wh 
them tums you on the most 


of 
med 1 was Ursula. 


come 


most 


mon 
Ursu! 
ALLEN: —Brigitte Bardot and Juli 
Christie, Bardot has — everything—i 
spades. She doesn’t have a defect. espe 
cially the defect of being too perfect. 
PLAYBOY: And Jul 
АЧЕН: She hing, but its a 
different kind of everything. 
PLAYBOY: Who's your third choice? 
AUEN: Margaret Hamilton, just the way 
she appeared in The Wizard of Oz. with 
contorted green face and riding а broc 
She just drips S. A. 

PLAYBOY: Aside from these 
stars, what kind of girls tu 
AMEN: Oh. tall, gelid, aloof ‘Teutonic 
Prussian girls. I adore Villagey-looking 
blondes. 1 like а girl who's arrogant. 
spoiled and dirty, but brilliant and 
beautiful. 

PLAYBOY: How do you keep them in line? 


on 


three 
п you on 


sex 


AUEN: | distribute ballpoint pens at 
Christmas. That keeps them faithful all 
year long. 

PLAYBOY: We've noticed you constantly 
nibbling sweets throughout. this. inier 
view. Docs this compulsion à 
sexual basis? 

AMEN: Га rather nibble sweets than do 


a Hershe 


(continued on page 171) 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


A young man who has what it takes to turn a get-together into a gala, the PLAYBOY reader is well 
equipped to keep a party humming. And his income level permits him to enjoy life with any of the 
current conveniences. Facts: Within the last year, 98 small electrical appliances were purchased by 
every 100 PLAYBOY households, highest for male-interest magazines and nearly double the national 
average. To send a sales curve upward, make the switch to PLAYBOY. (Source: 1966 Starch Report.) 


New York - Chicago - Detroit - Los Angeles - San Francisco - Atlanta - London - Tokyo 


she was beautiful, more 
beautiful than anything (000 
war could destroy J 
| y 


fiction By RAFAEL STEINBERG 


THE VALLEY MAS A NAME, and [ could find it 
easily enough on а map of Korea, but to me it 
will always be Her Valley. It is а wilderness by 
now, and the village—Her Villag 
swallowed up by the tangled underbrush, for 
the armistice line that divides the country runs 
dose by, and no one lives in the buffer zon 
between north and south, and no one may ci 
ter it to tend the ancient graves—or to chase 
down memories. She may still be alive, per 
haps on the inaccessible side of that no man's 
land, perhaps on this side, where I could find 
her and thank her if 1 knew where to look, and 
if I knew her name. But all I have now is this 
memory of a spring day—and the knowledge 
that she found for me something I had los 

It was the April after the bad winter. 
fighting line had raked the little valley as our 
side advanced; now the gunfire had faded 
away to the north, the ashes were cold and 
Her Valley was abruptly green again with 
spring. But two alien armies had battled 
through the place, burning houses and smash- 
ing irrigation dikes, and gouging craters and 
foxholes in the paddy fields and up the hill- 
sides, and the scars of war were fresh. The 
Chinese had reucated, taking many of the 
valleys young men along and leaving only dis 
сазе in the villages and threatening. propi- 
ganda sloga 
had passed through and abandoned the valley 
once it was won, leaving a spoor of scattered 


e—has been 


he 


ns daubed on walls. And our troops 


ration tins and shell casings and snarls of 


disconnected telephone wires. The irrigation 
ditches were empty and no water stood in the 
paddies that should have been flooded, but 
rain had nourished the thin green rice plants 
and they could still have been saved if there 
^n anyone to tend them. 

And then, about four days alter the fighting 
a solitary Army truck. came lurching up the 
rutied tail, fording back and forth across the 
swil, muddy stream that surged  wastefully 
through the silent landscape, sometimes 
splashing dumsily along shallow places of the 
stream bed itself, In the back of the truck, two 
soldiers sat in silence, staring blankly at the 
ruins along the roadside, at the charred thatch 
roofing hanging in shreds over crumbling mud 
walls and shattered chunks of earthenware lit 
tering the courtyards and ragged gashes in the 
green fields, The two soldiers had not said а 
word 10 cach other for more than an hour 
Nothing but the truck was moving in the 


had be 


ILLUSTRATION. BY JEROME 


PLAYBOY 


76 


valley. At length, one soklier spoke. 
"What a place to die," I said. 
There was no response from the cor- 
poral sitting opposite me. One wheel of 
the truck hit a stone and we were flipped 
off our benches and banged down again 
hard. 
"What I mean..." 1 began, but then 
I had to hold my breath as we passed a 
fertilized paddy. "What 1 mean i 
"What a place to die for. To fight for. 


"Yeah?" the corporal said. And he 
added: "What do you know about 
fighting?" 


So they had heard. Already, only a 
few hours after I had been attached to 
this unit, the men in it knew all about 
me. I turned away and chose one rice 
shoot in a nearby paddy and watched it 
ntil it was gone, blended with the green 
of the others, all of a color, all fluttering 
bravely, doomed in the drying field. 
Never would I be able to blend like that 
with other men, I realized as the truck. 
carried us up the deserted valley. I had 
purchased survival, and this was the 
price I was paying, and this was the way 
it would always be. And I did not regret 
my choice. Of the 14 men who had p: 
ked and fled, I alone had refused to go 

back to the linc. There would be a court- 
rtial in a few days. and pu 
But afterward, eventually, I knew there 
would be hot baths and dry marti 
and football games to watch on brisk aft- 
ernoons 1 love on clean sheets, and 
thick newspapers and the wi 
mowers on Sunday топ 
gain, whatever they did to me. would 1 
have to cower at the thump of the mor- 
tar shells or endure the sweating terror 
i п attack to 


begi 

Brooding on my aloneness smug in 
my safety, unaware of what the jolting 
truck was bringing me to, I gazed at the 
terraced paddies rising like stairways up 
the hillsides to where the woods began. 
As we ascended farther, the span of 

ces the mountain 

looming over us 
ng our sounds and condens 
eld of view, so th 
у upon a gutted house or a burned- 
t appeared larger than reality 


walls 


rowed, 
and 
our 


t when we came sud- 


d 
out tank, 
and more awesome. 

Far up near the head of the valley, 


ss narrowest, we stopped. be- 
ch roofs. The 
ng switched. olf 
and in the silence, for a long 
н. the last sigh and mutter of the 
engine hung unfading in our ears. Then 
we heard the fuid yammer of the 
stream, and that was all. There was no 
trace of life in this village, and no ma 
of death. The only sign of the war was 
the message that a retreating Chinese 
had smeared on а wall: Gt PREPARE 
то DIE. 

The suddei 


wail of a child in pain 


d us on an icy needle of sound. 
t melted to a whisper, and а sob, 
and was gone, The corporal and 1 
dropped off the tailgate, our canteens 
and carbines clinking, and stretched our 
legs. The sergeant and the Korean doc 
tor who had been siting beside him 
climbed down from the cab and walked 
up to the nearest house. In a moment the 
sergeant reappeared on the path and 
shouted for us to follow him. 

Wordlessly, the corporal handed me a 
thick metal tube with a handle at one 
end, like a fat bicycle pump. He took an- 
other for isell from a carton on the 
truck and started after the sergeant. 
1 followed, not really knowing why, or 
caring yet about anything or anybody 
in this nameless village at the end of 
the line, 

We came around the corner of a 
house and filed into a muddy, cluttered 
courtyard, and all at once J understood 
for the first time why we had come to 
this remote and empty valley with our 
cargo of rice and medicine and DDT. 
The stench, first of all, was so strong I 
thought I could sce it, like a fog. Feud, 
rouen, sickly sweet, it hung as it had for 
days over the house and the courtyard, 
sceping into and out of the roof thatch, 
an evil miasma of garlic and decaying 
flesh, and the odor of bodies too to 
move, and their sweat and waste. In a 
corner of the yard, oddly small. lay a 
corpse, uncovered, the black mouth open 
in a jackal grin. From the darkness of a 
doorway came a low, pulsing ululation 
that we had not heard from the road, be- 
cause it was pitched to the murmur of 
the stream. It rose and fell in rapid folds, 
as if an seen wounded anin 
panting in terror. 

I held a handkerchief to my face and 
stepped into the house. At first 1 could 
sce nothing but the sergeant standing 
next to me, writing in а small notebook. 
"The moaning swelled, and out of it came 
the heavy accents of the doctor, first а 
brief conversation in Korea 
and clucks. then in awkw: 
flat, detached. professional data, spoken 
quickly. "No food four days . . . This 
woman fifty, flu one week . . . This man 
fifty-five, flu two weeks . . . This man 
thirty-four, typhus . . . They say he sick 
days. He's strong, be OK, I think. But. 
need DDT here . . , 

I could sec shapes now. The doctor 
bent over a small bundle in a far corner, 
feeling the pulse on a thin arm. He 
moved through the room, peering into 
frightened сус with a pencil flashlight, 
examining sores, handing out white pills. 
“This baby, five maybe, child of man 
with typhus. Smallpox three weeks ago. 
Now smallpox finished, but typhus, too 
A scrawny стопе sat propped 
against the wall. Her frail, leathery body 
was nude to the waist. and she held an 
infant on the gray quilt that covered. her 
legs. The baby tried vainly to grasp the 


ses the. 


withered teats while the old woman jab- 
bered at the doctor and pointed at the 
child and then stretched a knobby arm 
toward the courtyard where the body 
lay. A dozen groaning people sprawled 
on the floor of the tiny black тоот, 
the doctor looked at each. And when he 
ame to the door and glanced at us, 1 
could see he was young. "They say. 
probably whole village like this. Nobody 
come, nobody go, nobody can move. 
Maybe many dead. not buried. Much 
iyphus." Then he ducked out past me 
into the courtyard and hustled off to the 
next house in his blue-serge trousers and 
black city shoes, His pudgy white hands 
were almost hidden by the culls of an 
Army field jacket that was too big for 
him. and he wore his stethoscope like the 
ken ribbon of a decoration of honor. 
He walked past the dead woman, 
glanced down and went on 

“We'll bury that woman later,” the 


sergeant told us. “After we see how 
many we got. Dust ‘em good, and I 


mean everybody." Suddenly he remem- 
bered I was new. He jerked а thumb at 
me and told the cc : "You'll have 


"O]p said, but he 
ing th 
al hitched his carbine 
shoulder, out of the 
way, picked up his dust gun and stepped 
over the high threshold into the gloom 
of the house. “DDT.” he said in a loud 
voice. He held his spray gun up so they 
all could see it and pushed the plunger 
once. A fine white dust floated out of the 
nozzle and hung in the air. “DDT,” he 
repeated, and added: “For bugs. Kills the 
bugs.” There was no sign that anyoue 
understood him. but the voices hushed 
and they eyed him warily as he moved 
down one 
the crevices between wall а 
nto corners, and over a bundle of 
nd then took the other side, 
and in a few minutes we were through. 

"Now comes the hard part," said the 
corporal. He regretted having to speak to 
mc. “Always start with the men. Women 
last, so they don't think you're trying to 
screw th А 

‘Screw them? Don't be funny." 

“It happens,” siid the corporal. His 
eyes were licking over the people in the 
room. “You best to start on. 
They're more likely to know what it's 
about. But you don't usually find no 
young men." 

А middleaged farmer with а wispy 
beard was sitting propped against a wall. 
his forehead speckled with sweat. He 
gasped in alarm when the corporal 
squatted down beside him, and tried to 
pull away when the soldier picked up his 
sleeve and pulled the powder up his 
See,” said the corporal in a cheery 
voice. "It doesn't hurt.” 

Quickly, expertly, while the man 

(continued an page 82) 


doctor. 


watched, 


"I know it’s silly, but every time she goes out on a date, I worry.” 


77 


М 


attire By ROBERT L. GREEN 


“peyton place” star barbara 
parkins models turned-on 
sleepwear for the tuned-in male 


Fresh from the set of the video sex opera 
Peyton Place, Barbara Parkins adds a 
slice of distalf life to our well-rounded 
collection of the latest in men's PJs. On 
the TV show, this sleepytime gal plays 
Betty Anderson Cord, teenage swinger 
who grew up to become the town's sultry 
sophisticate. Barbara, too, has grown 
with the part: 20th Century-Fox has 
awarded her a lead role in its screen 
version of. Peyton Place-ish Valley of the 
Dolls. Living doll Barbara, nominated 
for the Hollywood Women's Press Club's 
Sour Apple Award as leastcooperative 
actress of the year, obviously was the 
model of cooperation for PLAYBOY. 


Barbara adds sultry sophistication 

to a cotton-knit zip-turtle top 

and tapered broadcloth bottoms, b 
Weldon, $9. Switching to the 

bare minimum, she then models a pair 
of cotton sleep shorts, by Enro, $5. 


Miss Parkins 
lounges in a cotton 
smock-type sleep 


shirt, 
Heusen, $6, before 
horsing around 
in Avril and cotton 
pajamas with 
jockey jacket that 
were designed 
by Manny Mandel 
jor Dunmar, 87. 


Barbara looks outstanding in а cotion- 
chambray one-piece sleep suit, with 
elasticized back and short sleeves, that's 
designed by John Weitz for Diplomat, 
Hanging from the four-poster is a 
cotton-sateen kimono-style sleep coat 
with giant paisley pattern, full sleeves 
and a wrap-around belt, by Jayson, $14. 


PHOTOGRAPHY ну MARIO CASILLL 


Left: Barbara settles for a colton-knit pajama top 
that comes with floral-print cotton-broadcloth 


bottoms, by Plectway, $8. Above: Feast time finds her 
attired in an Avril and cotton Tom Jones—type 
sleep coat designed by Manny Mandel for Dunmar, 58. 


PLAYBOY 


82 


GOOD FORTUNE (continued from page 76) 


mumbled something, the corporal sprayed 
up his sleeves, down the collar of his 
dirty white jacket, into the waistband 
and up the cuffs of his baggy trousers, 
The farmer laughed in embarrassment, 
someone giggled, and a feeble, brave 
titter arose incredibly from the murk 
and the stench. 

"OK, Harris, you start on that side. 
Sleeves, pants, waist and collar. Any 
place where the lice can get in. Theyre 
Tull of lice and that's what carries the 
typhus.” 

“I know that,” I said, bending to an 
old man nearly unconscious. I had to 
step to the door before finishing. 
oul get used to it" the corporal 
watching me, grinning. When 1 
came inside again the Guer had died, 
and the next man I dusted didn't look at 
me. Nor the next. Then the old crone 
was staring up at me, eyes glistening. 
She uttered a few words that evoked a 
grunt—was it meant to be a laughi— 
from the man beside her, but no onc else 
was paying attention by then. I tried not 
to look at the breasts that hung down 
like flaps as I pumped the white powder 
into the waist of her soiled linen skirt. 

We finished and went out and took 
deep breaths in the courtyard where a 
few utes earlier I had pushed a 
handkerchief to my nose. The corporal 
pumped his duster once, with something 
like fury, at the corpse, and then we 
were off at a wot, following the doctor 

nd the sergeant. 

‘The next house was much like the 
first, and so were the others. Some men 
struggled to their feet before we dusted 
them; whether they understood and 
wanted to cooperate, or whether they 
merely wanted to be prepared to defend 
themselves against an unspeakable out- 
rage, 1 did not know. But most of the 
villagers lay too ill to protest or questioi 
when we turned them over to pump the 
powder inside their clothing. we could 
tell that some of them had not moved 
for days. 

In the beginning I was frightened of 
them and of my task, and was gentle with 
if they seemed to be in pain, or them- 
selves frightened of me and my strange 
weapon, I just gave them a puff or two 
and let it go at that. But soon fright went, 
nd with it sympathy, and 1 began to 
maul the adults, turning them over like 
carpets to be swept under, yanking and 
shoving those who groped to their feet 
for the ord ad growling in annoy- 
ance at the occasional man who protested 
when we touched his women, threatening 
him by shilting the position of the car- 
binc strapped around my shoulder. Haste 
was essential, or so it seemed. There were 
scores of houses, and we did not know 
how many people. To finish with this 


all 


village, to dust every villager, bury every 
corpse, leave our rice and escape—that 
was the object, and nothing else mattered. 
1 resented cach new roomful of sick and 
foul specimens as just so many more 
barriers between me and . . . but I did 
not know what 1 was approaching. 

Only with the children did 1 move 
slowly, being careful not to bruise thc 
skin when I poked the nozzle of the dust 
gun at them, and laying the duster down 
when a child had to bc turned, so tha 
I could use both hands and do it care- 
fully. For the fear in their eyes was a 
wild, animal Even those adults 
who fcarcd the worst from us knew what 
the worst was; there was a limit to thei 
terror, because we, too, were men. But to 
the sick children, who had already seen 
death and felt their valley shudder with 
the thudding of artillery, our strange 
pale faces, our gibberish congue, our 
long bodies and outlandish machines— 
nd, of course, our preposterous activity 
—must have convinced them that they 
would be eaten alive; or so said their 
eyes, and without thinking it all through, 
we treated them more gently. 

But then there would be a man with 
fever, whose eyes held suspicion, and I 
would make up for lost time, and push 
and pull him so the job could be done. 
Or an old woman, cackling and jabber- 
ing, toothless and hideously ugly—and 1 
hated her for her ugliness and noise and 
stench and for bringing me here to exter- 
minate her lice, and I dusted her quick- 
ly, roughly, furiously; and she sensed my 
hate and, I think, cursed me for it, so we 
were even. 

We worked on all morning, penetrat- 
ing deep into the maze of alleys in the 
village. Sometimes we caught up to the 
doctor and the sergeant and heard again 
the mounting statistics of disease and 
hunger. The sergeant kept notes and 
scrawled numbers with chalk high on 
the doorpost of each house, and as we 
lost count of houses and sick and dead, 
as the festering sores and bloated stom- 
achs blurred in our minds so we could 
no longer remember which house was 
which or where the worst ones were, I 
saw the sergeant draw arrows in the 
earth pointing to houses where lay 
corpses that we would have to bury in 
the afternoon. The sun rose higher, the 
day warmed and the sticky, pungent air 
we breathed felt more and morc like 
glue. And. poking everywhere, our stub. 
by instruments spread a thin, white 
scientific layer of dust over this eternal, 
fertile misery. 

And then, then . . . The house we 
came upon was slightly larger than the 
others, with a tile roof instead of thatch, 
and a burnished wooden gate, and it was 
set back against the hillside so that the 


апіс. 


garden could face ће woods. 
caught our eyes from the 
was о outrageously inappropriate, was a 
па of bright-red flowers h 
the outer wall. It was a thin, droopy gar 
land and the blossoms were small, but 
beads of dew still dung to the petals. 
Someone had plucked and displayed the 
flowers that morning, and that was what 
brought horselaughs and bitter wit from 
the three sickened soldiers who wanted 
only to finish their task and go away. 

Then we rounded the court 
ner—all of us together, as it happe 
nd we saw her, and our wise-guy sar 
casm dissolved on our lips. 

She was knecling on a bluc pillow, but 
we could tell she was tall. We could se 
only her back, but cach man could fect 
uty like a breeze fresh and clean 
п. On her heels she sat, motion 
less; her long hair hung straight and 
sleek, a tapering black column on a gar- 
ment of happy reds and yellows. The fall 
of her hair reached exactly and with pre- 
cision to the mat she sat on and a plain 
pink ribbon tied the end. Each of us 
thought: If she turns, she will be looking 
straight at me. And we waited for that 
moment, halted as if stapled to the earth. 
She sat within the house, on a level 
above the courtyard; the sliding doors 
were open and the naive doll colors of 
her dress sparkled in the sunlight. At 
first we did not notice the shriveled old 
man, in starched bright white, who stood 
stiflly beside her, or the small boy who 
sat cross-legged on the outer portico, 
arms folded rigidly before his chest and 
glaring fiercely at the intruders in the 
courtyard. 

But then the old man began to spe: 
in a voice like dry leaves, and we b 
came aware of him and the boy. The old 
man addressed the doctor, and the doc 
tor acknowledged his words with occa- 
sional grunts and a phrase or two, but it 
was some minutes before the doctor 
translated what the man had said. 

“The old man says his daughter vir- 
gin, his daughter bride. Today is wed- 
ding day. This is wedding dress. She is 
waiting. But her man, how you say .. . 7 
The groom, he doesn't come. He's from 
the next village, the last one we passed.” 

“There was nobody there, 
sergeant. 
es, they know. Boy went north. CI 
nese took all young men from that vil- 
lage, and from this village. All young 
men have to go. Groom go, but bride 
waiting. Father says she good girl, she 
wait. He is waiting, too. And younger 
brother.” 

“What are they waiting for?” 

The doctor shook his head. "Its wed 
ding day. They wait. Groom’s father, he 
very good friend of this man. They ar 
range marriage. Very good boy, very 
good girl. Also this very lucky day for 
wedding. Day of good fortune, Priests 

(continued on page 165) 


said the 


THE SEA WAS WET AS WET COULD BE 
fiction By GAHAN WILSON 


t with the open serenity of the scene around us. The pure blue of the s 
igle cloud or bird, and nothing stirred on the vast stretch of beach except o 
dev the freshness of the early-morning sun, looked invitingly c 
myself, but 1 was afraid I would contaminate it. 

We are a contamination here, I thought. We're like a group of sticky bugs crawling in an ugly litle crowd 
over polished marble. HE I were God and looked down and saw us, lugging our baskets and our silly, bright blankets, 
1 would step on us and squash us with my foot. 

We should have been lovers or monks in such a place, but we were only a crowd of bored and boring drunks. 
You were always drunk when you were with Carl. Good old, mean old Carl was the greatest little drink pourer in 
the world. He used drinks like other types of sadists use whips. He kept beating you with them until you dropped or 
sobbed or went mad, and he enjoyed every step of the pro 

We'd been drinking all night, and when the morning 


WE MADE an embarrassing contr: 


Ives. The 
п. ] wanted to wade into it and wash 


ame, somebody, I think it (continued on page 124) 


something vaguely chilling swept through the little group at the approach of the two ominous strangers 


ROBERT LOSTUTTER 


84 


MY. HOW 
FAST THEY LEARN 


a callow screenwriting hopeful is given a lightning postgraduate 
course on how not to carve out a career in hollywood 


article BY STEPHEN H. YAFA 


TWO YEARS AGO, when I was a graduate playwright at Carnegie Tech in Pittsburgh, 1 sat down and wrote an original 
screenplay about three young women who are literally seducing to death a guy named Paxton Quigley, whom they 
have locked in the attic of their college dormitory. 1 wrote it out of venomous contempt for all the Hollywood clap- 
trap I'd ever seen that presumed to examine the sex life of young Americans and succeeded only in vilifying our low- 
er regions. During one flashback, outraged mother screams, “Young man, my daughter better not be pregnant!” 
Quigley looks at her and says:.“"Lady, where you been the | the movies?” 

Asa final gesture of disrespect, 1 entered that arrogant screenplay into a contest sponsored by the Hollywood 
screenwriters’ guild. The guild members turned around and awarded my screenplay a $1000 first prize. They flew 
me out to receive the award, they wined me, they dined me, they showered me with accolades. But through it all they 
sighed and said, It's too bad your screenplay could never be made into a film; not in this country, anyway. 

Of course, they were correct, those Hollywood savants. For months my agent and I tried to peddle the Quigley 
script to America's most respected producers and directors. They wrote back courteous and charming letters, all of 
them, saying things like, “We're growing, but that grown we ain't . . 

Those letters managed to confirm my previous suspicions about Fantasyland 

One of the moguls who'd read the script was producer Harold Hecht, now producing on his own at Colum- 
bia since the Hecht-Hill-Lancaster partnership dissolved several years ago. Hecht is a small man with an elfin grin, 
manicured fingernails and custom-tailored suits; he has his monogrammed shirts made in Paris. 1 knew nothing of 
his tailor or his grin until September 1965, when he phoned me in Seattle, Washington, where I was working for a 
television station. "We've read your Paxton Quigley script,” Hecht said, “and we thought it was very funny. Could 
you come down here for a few days, we'd like to talk with you.” 

“About Quigley?” 

“No. But a college-based story, though. Could you be in my office the day after tomorrow? [n the moi 
nine-thirty? We'll of course reimburse your plane fare.” 

Vell, what's it concern, Mr. Hecht?” 
"We'll discuss it. See you then. Goodbye.” 

“Goodbye.” Click click zzzzzzzzzzz . . . 

Hey, wait a minute, pal, I mean— But there was 1, flying United down to Los Angeles the next afternoon, uy- 
ing to recall what I'd either read or heard about Harold Hecht, а man of 58 who'd garnered $2,000,000 during his 
15 years with Burt Lancaster and then proceeded to drop $3,000,000 on his own until 1965, when he produced Cat 
Ballou. 1 knew that Hechr-Hill-Lancaster had produced one of the few recent American films of lasting significance, 
Sweet Smell of Success. 1 didn't know that at the time Harold Hecht deeply regretted making the film. 1 speculated 
that any producer of Hecht's repute who would take the trouble to call in an unpublished, untested writer of 24 must 
be quite dedicated and courageous. I was correct. But what I did not foresee was the muck and mire that traps many а 
well-intentioned Hollywood producer and hinders his noblest efforts—the slime of yesteryear, wherein a producer 


PLAYBOY 


B6 


yanks after four or five simultaneous 
projects, hoping that one of them will 
тїзє to the su е: 

Hecht Productions booked me into the 
Hollywood Knickerbocker. That night, 1 
hung around its dismal lobby watching 
old people sit on long worn couches, fac 
ing cach other, waiting for the end like 
passengers in a musty bus terminal. 
When 1 walked by, they discussed me 
for a while to pass the time. 

Eventually I made my way to Sunset 
Strip, in search of diversion. Cars bump- 
er to bumper; but unlike New York, the 
drivers don't honk their horns and the 
sidewalk crowds are strangely silent. You 
listen not to voices but to the shuffling of 
shoes on warm cement. The Strip itself is 
now a blocklong procession of glowing 
pastel marquecs over red amd green or- 
nate portals. Behind some portals girls of 
18 jerk up and down to the thudding 
drone of a Beatlesesque combo. The girls 
are 18 whether they are 12 or 36; the 
strands of their hair witch a separate 
pattern over peaked shoulders. With 
luck and a prayer, they could all be 
Cher, their dates Sonny. With more 
luck, they could accomplish their uhi- 
mate design, to watusi themselves into 
such a frenzy that snap snap snap off 
pop the buttons on their capris and 
eureka! they have finally shed themselves 
of silk and Dacron and cotton, free now 
at last to gyrate starkraving naked in 
ecstatic defiance of old age. 

Behind other portals on The Strip, 
these fabrics have been shed for à. price 
and the girl on the midget bandstand, 
a sad pastiche of something alive and 
vibrant, jangles her bared breasts in 
rhythm with a thumbing bass guitar. If 
she were doing the burlesque houses, 
she would perhaps toss а smile or two 
into her act, But she is a topless go-go 
girl, and because the clientele is hip, she 
caters to its New Morality. As а conse- 
quence, she attempts no expression of 
any sort, stares blankly at by pink 
transforms her breasts into ап ex- 
the zinc and plastic decor, 
working her audience into a comatose 
state that parallels her own puppetlike 
insouciance. 

Although the young infiltrate these 
watusi joints, most teenagers and post- 
teens who choose to make their own 
groovy scene cluster either at Fred С 
Dobbs or Ben Franks, both located at 
the east end of The Strip. I discovered 
Fred С Dobbs around midnight. It is а 
coffechouse tucked in a courtyard be- 
hind а realty осе. A late Billy Holiday 
was playing on the jukebox when 1 en 
tered. At the counter, one girl told her 
date, “I ask people if they like late Billy 
Holiday. If they say no, I can tell 1 won't 
care for them.” 

There was a Negro in а beret and 
les standing behind the girl. He 
tapped her on the collarbone and said, 
"I di ly Marvin Rainwater.” She 


Turned away, 1 laughed. The Negro 
engaged me in conversation, introduced 
the blonde next to him. Both were 19. 
he's just come down from a trip,” he 
explained. Later he inquired if Га be 
terested, too. “Half the сиз in here 
are takin’ trips daily. Man, what'd them 
mothers do before LSD?’ 

"LSD's a big thing around here, huh?” 

The Negro hugged the blonde and 
they began to giggle. 

"Wharll you do for kicks, then, when 
you grow up?" I persisted. They contem- 
plated this. "The girl came dose and 
whi “We'll die." The Negro 
hummed. 1 left 


My agent, Hal Landers, and I agreed 
to meet in front of Columbia Studios the 
next morning, so that he might introduce 
me properly to Harold Hecht. Landers. a 
dapper, owlish agent of about 36, speaks 
in honeyed tones and he persuades so 
softly that he is known at the studios as 
The Candy Man. At 9:50 I was still 
waiting: no Candy Man. I decided to go 
to Hecht’s office alone. It happened that 
Jack Lemmon and friends were also rid- 
ng up to the fifth floor. Jack rolled a 
thick green panatela between his teeth as 
J stared fast, noting his деер tan, his ex- 
otic foulard. Good barber, I thought. 
Then suddenly he, a Superstar, was ges- 
g directly at me. 

o ahead, go," he commanded, firm 
but. polite. 

Со? Go where? 

I turned to the front, realized we'd 
reached the fifth oor, that the auto- 
matic door had opened and that Jack 
Lemmon was merely suggesting 1 walk 
out of this elevator in order that he 
and his friends might also depart. 

No, after you." Out of respect to his 
being Jack Lemmon, it seemed only 
that he should exit before me. 

“No, no, go," he repeated, gesticulat- 
ing now with both hands. 

"No, please . . ." 
No, go ahcad"  Emphatically, 
pulled the cigar from his teeth. 

“No, really, after you . . 

At length, quite guiltily, I exited firs 
Jack did a slight take to the men beside 
him. mostly a grimace. Several weeks 
hence, after many such imbroglios, I 
finally concluded that in the peculiar cti- 
quette of Hollywood, a male star will not 
лер from an elevator until every under- 
ling has fled. If, however, you should 
leave а party before the stars have left, 
you will have left your last party. 

Sull smarting, I made my way down 
empty р ed corridors around three 
corners to Harold Hecht Productions. It 
was renovation day in the sı 
office, where carpenters were hamme 
together a huge wooden stora 
designed to replace numerous metal file 
cabinets. The large blonde secret 
the left greeted me, apologized for the 
noise and confusion, The short black. 


he 


haired secretary on the right brought me 
а cup of instant collee. “If there's one 
thing I refuse 10 drink, it's instant 
coffee,” she said, handing me the cup. 
Hal Landers entered. With the inte 
sity of a football coach before the big 
game, he counseled me on Hollywood 
protocol. “Be sure to always wait for your 
agent,” he confided, "the age 
the heavy. If you're late, it’s his faul 
was late. Right?” 1 nodded. "Just relax, 
Hecht’s а great guy to work for. He 
knows his business and he'll put you 
down when you should be put down 
He's great.” ] nodded ag 
The intercom buzzed. 
“You can go in now,” the secretary on 
the right informed us. "These secretaries, 
I soon came to discover, never giggle or 
titer: They do their work straight- faced, 
with a cold efficiency that astounds. 
Landers opened the door to Hecht's 
private office for те. Impeceably tai 
lored, Hecht stood up, walked ail the 
way around his mahogany desk, shook 
hands warmly and motioned me to a se: 
facing his. Hecht does not smile, exactly, 
he beams: His eyes widen and glint, his 
mouth blossoms imo the shape of a new 
moon, his checks knot and you are sud 
Чему confronted by a 58-year-old cherub 
Heeht’s diminutive stature furthers 
the illusion of defenselessness. When he 
repositioned himself in his massive bla 
І was reminded of a 
his father 


is alw 


he 


My mistake. 
Landers, standing across from. Hecht 


at the desk, extended his hand palm 
upward toward me: "He's all yours 
now, Harold,” my agent smiled. Hecht 
ned. I took inventory: four phones, 
Sicilian grape gatherers cast in 
bronze as lamps, one on either end table 
idling a tufted fuchsia couch set 
apainst a ipered in fake brick. We 
might have been in a realtor’s office. 
Hollywood producers, 1 was thinki 
ke some ellort to pre 
of gauche and lavish 
Hecht, however, not 
rters in 
the Hechi-Hill Lancaster. building did 
convey such garish splendor: On its walls 
hung originals by Modigliani, Dubullet 
and Matisse, and Life even featured it 
once in a pictorial. But Hecht likes his 
present office because it looks like an 
office. 
fost of the other offices 
here look like bedrooms,” he says. “How 
сап you work in a bedroom: 
As I gazed about the room, Landers 
massaged my shoulder muscles. Film. 
industry people touch each other a lot 
‘Treat my boy well, Harold," he cau 
tioned Hecht. We laughed. Т: 
waved goodbye and left 
Producer Hecht tilted far back in his 
nd perched his fect toe 10 toe, as 
if joined in prayer. on the edge of his 
(continued on page 108) 


serve their 
decaden 


Not 
these days. His previous headqu 


around 


B 
26 
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= 
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= = 
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i 
Ema 


sports BYKENW.PURDY international auto racing's formula-one competition—supercharged 


with glamor, skill, daring and danger—represents the ultimate test of man and machine 


PH Y BY HORST н. BAUMANN 


90 


That electric moment on the storting grid just before the blost of accelerated engines is cought in the opening spreod's view of Belgium's Spo 
Francorchomps, the fastest road course on the Grond Prix circuit. Above left: Two-time world champion Jim Clork is airbome os his Lotus-Climox 
takes o hill ot Germany's Nürburgring. Above right: Outer-spaceish Hondo pilote Richie Ginther is about to go on track for the Dutch Grand Prix 


dragster will outaccelerate it. A land-speed-record car 

will run faster by hundreds of miles an hour. A sports 
саг is more civilized. Any kind of sedan is more comfort- 
able, But the Grand Prix car is the ultimate expression of 
the purpose of the automobile: to run fast and control- 
lably over ordinary road. It is all automobile, all func- 
tion, weighing, usually, less than 1500 pounds, pushed up 
to 180 mph-plus by a rearmounted engine of 400-odd 
horsepower, small, thin-skinned, fragile. The driver, half 
reclining, his shoulders tight against a wrap-around 
plastic windshicld, holds at arm's length ап absurdly 
small, padded steering wheel. A gi 
three inches high lies close to one hand or the other, and 


Т: GRAND PRIX CAR is the epitome of the automobile. А 


shift lever two or 


the gasoline tanks are around, under and sometimes over 
him. Fat foot-wide tires on small wheels take the power 
10 the road. The car is built to a precise standard, or 
formula, internationally agreed upon, and usually laid 
down, whatever else may be daimed for it, to restrict 
the сагъ top speed by limiting something—engine size, 
fuel capacity, minimum weight. Despite this, гасе-саг 
speeds rise year by year in percentages that can be 
predicted. The Grand Prix car is built to Formula J, 
which is changed every four or five years. (A new for 
mula came in last year.) Formula II and Formula HI cars 
are smaller and slower, compete in their own classes. A 
Formula I car can cost $50,000, the engine alone, $15,000 
to $25,000—and ideally cach car should have two spares. 

‘This, then, is the instrument with which men play the 
most dangerous, demanding, scientific and. expensive of 
all sports, Next to real tcnnis (court tennis), it is the most 
exdusive of sports as well. Eight firms make Grand Prix 
cars, there are 11 races for them and about 20 men 
qualified to drive them. (Only the spectator count goes 
g is the 
number-two spectator sport, topped only by the aggregate 
of the three kinds of football: soccer, rugby and American.) 
‘The drivers thus make up a superclite among the world's 
athlete-performers. Probably because they know that 
their work is more dangerous than anything comparable, 
much riskier than, say, bullfighting, they have little in 
common with men who play lesser games. They have a 
marked tendency to keep their own company. Like the 
very rich, they are really comfortable only with one 
other, yet they pointedly avoid forming close friendships 
among themselves. as gladiators did, and for the same 


to the other end of the spectrum. Motor га 


For left: Men о! work. In Monzo pits, Jockie Steworl's crew 
[obove) toils on British BRM; Ginther's Joponese mechanics roll 
ош his Hondo. Left: Grand Prix racing s big nomes (above), ob- 
brevioted for lop-time/position signboard, омой posting; close- 
ups (below) of roce cors innords look like pop-ort disploy. 


Above: The Ferrori of John Surtees, o motorcycle chompion who went on to become world outo-rocing king in 1964, is o brilliont red blur os it ploys 
the gome of follaw-me oround o corner of Hollond’s Zondvoort circuit. Below: A somple of the delightful feminine scenery thot often brightens 
Grond Prix pits provides o study in controsts with current world chompion driver ond constructor Jock Brabhom os he expertly plies his trode. 


Above: A sireom of water pours ОЁ the fat tires of Surtees Cooper-Moseroti os he wheels up for the start of a very wet German Grand Prix. 
Spectators have the odvontoge of bright umbrellos to stave off roin or sun. Below: One of Formulo One racing's wildest moments os mon ond 
mochine hurtle into Monaco tunnel at over 100 mph with no idea of what's round the bend. Monaco is the only Grond Prix run on city streets. 


reason. They are men of marked personality and реси 
iar physical equipment. As nearly as we can tell, looking 
back, they always have been. They have been flamboy- 
ant, like the giant Vincenzo Landa, one of the first great 
drivers, who upended a pint of champagne and tossed 
the bottle to the crowd as he started an early Vanderbilt 
Cup race. They have been bitterly competitive, like 
George Robertson, who told his riding mechanic to 
throw a wrench at the car ahead to make it move over, 
or pugnacious, like Wilbur Shaw, who was sitting ex- 
hausted after winning a 500-mile race, burned, band- 
aged, just out of the field hospital, and 12 pounds lighter 
than he'd been before the race, when he heard another 
driver say, “Shaw's a lucky so-and-so.” Shaw hurded 
over an eight-foot barbed-wire-topped fence and punched 
the man in the face. They have been cold, colorless and 
calculating to the point of fascination, like Ray Harroun, 
who decided that an avcrage speed of 75 miles an hour 
would win the first Indianapolis race in 1911, ran the 
500 miles at 74.6 and did win. 

‘There are more Harrouns than Shaws driving today. 
Tt was plain in the late 1950s that a new breed of driver 
was in the g, and Т think the terminal date in the 
sea change may have been August 4, 1964, when Carel 
de Beaufort was killed practicing for the Grand Prix of 
Germany. The Count de Beaufort of Holland was the 
last of the titled gentlemen amateurs. In the beginning, 
drivers titled or wealthy or both figured importantly in 
Grand Prix racing; they were still important in the 1920s 
and 1930s, but after World War Two there were only the 


Below: A poir of world chompions who coptured the Indy "500." 
Jim Clork tries out a new 16-cylinder Lotus-BRM; on intent 
Graham Hill is reflected in his reorview mirror. Below right: On 
storting grid, Stewort displays fomiliar torton-banded helmet 


92 


Above left: Don Gurney, owner-driver of his All-American Rocers’ Eagle-Climax, the only U.S. entry in Grand Prix competition, is alone with his 
thoughts before the stort of the 1966 Belgian Grand Prix. Above right: Cors out on time trials, which determine storting position, ore flagged 
off the wind-swept, sand-strewn Zandvoort course. Below: Fame is often the spur: Photographers surround Surtees ond his Ferrori ot Monza 


PLAYBOY 


ago, killed 1957, the 
rman Count Von Trips, killed in 1961, 
and the Count de Beaufort. De Beaufort 
] Pieter Anthonie Jan Hubertus 
de Beaufort—owned his car, a 
and ran it as often as he could. 
feet and 200 
pounds, a tight fit for a Formula 1 m: 
chine. Like Portago, he was pleasant, 
mu multilingual, much 
traveled, at home in any ambiance. Both 
died pitifully young, at 28. Portago's 
closest. П l, Harry Schell, an American. 
who had lived all his life in. France, was 
of the BeaufortPortago pattern. Schell 
was adventurous, extroverted, uninhib- 
ited, curious about everything, a practical 
joker on an outrageous scale. He laughed 
lot, drove as carefully as vas consistent 
with staying in the game. He had a flat 
ris, a house in Deauville, a cabi 
cruiser and other useful amenities, and he 
intended living forever, as Portago bad 
паса. No one expected. Harry Schell 
led сє һе had been hurt 
badly only once—and he wasn't: He was 
killed in practice for the 1 
ophy race in England. He went flat 
nto a brick wall at somethi round 100 
miles an hour. no one knows why. Steer- 
ing failure or hydroplaning—th i 
was wet—are the best guesses. 
Swingers like Schell, who wasa tail gun 
ner for the F in the Russo Finn 
War, or Portago, who once flattened 
a man for smoking a cigar on a New 
York nightclub dance floor, have no 
counterparts running today. A Formula 
І car can represent $100,000 and its 
owner wants at the wheel a man who 
hi ed out of himself all impetuosity 
and derring-do. He wants him to go fast, 
very fast, for speed is the only name of 
the game, but he wants him ice-cold, 
unflappable, computerized, his helmet 
ng a brain full of diodes and pri 
ed gold circuits, programed to stay out of 
trouble, all and any kind, inside the car 
or out of it. Jack Brabham's number-two 
y Hulme, and when they 
me race, Hulme's 


int 


to be 


па ra 


cossel 


driver 
are runni 
orders are to fin 
I's not on record that he ever tried 
other way. That's not done today. In 
the 19305, driving for Mercedes-Benz, 
Manfred von Brauchitsch, an explosive 
red-headed Prussian aristocrat, blew 
loose and started to contest first place 
with the number-one driver. He ignored 
slow-down signal boards. The Mercedes 
n manager, the iron-willed Alfred 
Neubauer, was reduced to running out 
on the circuit to shake his fist at Brau- 
chitsch as he charged past. Some say he 
had a gun in the fist. No such colorful 
tableau will be seen in the 1967 season. 
irling Moss was the first of the truly 
modern drivers, and. Jimmy Clark is the 
ideal today: indeed, Clark couldn't be 
tighter писа to the purpose if he were 
the product of a 20-generation breeding 


program. Clark is physical hi; he's 
small, light and strong. He's cold, a 
ner to his toes, panicproof and 
nt. Не indulges in no public display 
of feelings. He's competitive on the cir- 
cuit and quiet away from it. His home is 
a shecp farm in Scotland, and he spends 
as much time there as he can. He smokes 
and drinks little. He fies his own plane, 
as Brabham and Graham Hill—both 
married, fathers and nonsmokers—do. 
Brabham may drink a glass of wine or 
two, Hill, if he isn't working next day, 
will take a drop of what's going, but he 
would be classified a total abstainer by 
the ilk of Duncan Hamilton, who retired 
in 1959. Hamilton's career was studded 
with memorable incident. On a party їп 
Milan with Fon Portago, Peter Collins, 
Mike Hawthorn, Luigi Musso and Eu- 
genio Castellowi—all of them swingers, 
and all of them killed at the wheel— 
Hamilton appropriated an airport bu 
id a couple of fast laps around the 
square near Milan Cathedral. 7 
put up а roadblock. Wher 
jumped up on the step. Hi 
the door to consider his complaint, but 
when the officer pointed a revolver at 
him, Hamilton, a big and powerful type, 
slammed the door on his wrist and 
confiscated the gun. He took the cap 


and 


amilton opened 


1 been irreparably breached, and he 
would have to shoot himself. By now the 
anking policeman on the scene was a 
captain, who pleaded with Hamilton not 
to do anything so rash, and finally agreed 
to forgive and forget, if only Hamilton 
would not blow his head off. In his auto- 
biography, Hamilton notes that he could 
still detect symptoms of hangover a full 
week later. 

It was the style of some of the gentle- 
man amateur drivers of the golden peri 
od of the 1920s and 1930s 10 ignore the 
mere mechanical aspects of g- 
When the car stood ready, they drew on 
their capeskinand«chamois gloves and 
got into it, presuming it to be perfectly 
prep: 
been the lax to maintain this attitude. 
He told me that he couldn't distinguish 
his car from the other two on the team 
unless he had put a secret mark on 
where. He had no affection for 
a car, or interest in it. "When the race is 
he said, "they can shove the thing 
diff for all I care.” The 1967 driver 
es a different view. Often he is capa- 
ble of discussing design on level terms 
with an engineer. Jack Brabham, John 
Surtees, Dan Gurney, Richie Ginther, 
Graham Hill and Bruce McLaren are all 
very knowledgeable people, with a test- 
pilot attitude toward the vehicle. Mike 
Parkes, an Е un, works for Fer 
in two са s development. engi- 
and as driver. There arc still drivers. 


d. 1 think Portago must have 


whose orientation is less obsessively 
professional, younger men who ha 
honautomobilisic outside commerc 
plerests, or private means, some w 
are not really dedicated, not su 
they are able they'll be driving five ye: 
from now. One of these may take the 
championship this year, or next, but he 
can do it only by bulling his way 
through the little mob of 18-hour-a-day 
professionals at the top. 

Almost as soon as the automobile ran 
I, men began to race it. Exhibitions 
monstr the first genu 
ine race was run over the 732 miles from 

is to Bordeaux to Paris in June 18 
Emile Levassor won in a Panhard, at 
age speed of 15 miles an hour, and 
anly told reporters that no onc 
should ever attempt such hideously d; 
gerous speeds again. Many drivers were 
prepared to accept the risks, however, 
nd the Paris-Bordeaux was only the first 

ty-to-city races, run 
а hub, to Ma 
Lyon, Toulouse. 


scilles, Amsterdam, 
Berlin, Vienna, Madrid. The Paris- 
Madrid, in 1903, was the last of them; in 
deed, the cars never made it to Madrid. 
The French authorities, horrified at the 
accident rate, stopped the race at Bor- 
ОГ the 175 cars that had started 
is at 3:30 that morning, only about 
100 got to Bordeaux. Most of the others 


dents, and at leas people 
drivers, mec tors—were 
killed. The roads were bone dry, and the 
great spidery high-riding cars ran 
through clouds of blinding dust, their 
drivers sometimes steering by the tops of 
the wees that bordered the road. Primi- 
tive as they were, some of the bigger 
ars would do 90 miles an hour 
more, with brakes that would barely stop 
а bicycle. The winner averaged 65 miles 
an hour for 356 miles, а really astonish- 
ing rate. 

In the year before, 1902, a closed cir- 
cuit had been set up am, the Ar 
dennes circuit, starting at Bastogne and 
running 53 miles through Longlier, 
Habay-La-Neuve and Martelange back. to 
Bastogne. Ardennes was the foundation 
stone under Grand Prix racing, the logi 
cal extension of city-to-city racing, Fifty 
three miles of road could be policed, 
after a fashion, and spectators could se 
the cars pass more than once. The Ameri 
can newspaper publisher Gordon Bennett 
had in 1900 offered a cup for an intern: 
tional race, first run Paris-Lyon in 1900 
in 1905 it was run over a 103-mile 
closed circuit in Ireland. In Sicily, Vin- 
cenzo Florio founded the Targa Florio, 
still going today, past 50 runni 
п the United States, W. К. Vanderbilt 
set up the Vanderbilt Cup series. The 
nd Prix of 1906, at Le Mans, 
first to the The 
(continued on page 158) 


and 


use term, 


fiction By JOHN D. MacDONALD 


AFTER KNOWING crazy Kaberrian seve 
years at least, last Sunday 1 got my first 
good look at him. In the park, I would 
have walked by the bench, except he 
said, "Hey! You! Noonan! 

So I stopped and the way I looked at 
him made him laugh. and from the 
laugh I knew it was crazy Kaberrian sit- 
ting there im the sunshine with a girl 
in a green suit. The laugh was the same. 
Everything else had been changed. With 
that 12 or so pounds of shiny curly black 
hair chopped away and shaved away, 
underneath was а very ordinary-looking. 
type person, like the uptown subways 


are full of five evenings a week, like 
come and take away things people don't 
make а payment on. 

Always he had all those odds and ends 
of clothes fastened with string, the jump 
boots, wrapped sandwiches stashed here 
and there, little signs pinned on about 
how to live, and always in a couple of 
pockets those plays of his, such a terrible 
mimeograph job nobody could read 
them but him. I had not seen him in 
months, and this type in the store- 
window suit and shined shoes was not the 
crazy Kaberrian I would never see again, 
I knew. 

1 put my nose level with his, five inches 
away, and shook my head and wanted 


the stereotic saga of kookie 
kaberrian, and how that far-out 
audiophile was lured into happy 
conformity by the siren sounds 


he himself had recorded 


almost to cry. 
fink-off. You s 


if there 


Зо they both laughed, just 
wasn't any guilt at all, him and the 


pretty little basket in her green nd 
Kaberrian said, “Noonan. You got Buck- 
ley aboard?” 
Like forever. 
“Noonan, t Ellie. Noonan, Ellie 
should meet Buckley. 
Buckley was napping in the side 
pocket. I got him out and he blinked 
in the sunlight. He is gold-color. А truly 
Great Mouse, and she put her hand out 
and Buckley didn't freeze up, so 1 put 
him into her hand. No flinch, no baby 
talk no kissing (continued on page 167) 


QUARREL 


95 


PLAYBOY 


“Well, when will you be eighteen?” 


opinion By U.S. SENATOR STEPHEN M. YOUNG 


from capitol hill comes a demand 
for congressional surveillance 


of the central intelligence agency’s 


pervasive and secret operations 


CURBING AMERICA’S INVISIBLE GOVERNMENT: 


1 KNOW WHAT SPIES DO, I've watched enough of them in action 
by now. I've seen James Bond and Derek Flint and Napoleon 
Solo and d fellow who was such a good cook in The 
Ipcress File. 1 know all about them. They have attaché 
cases fiued ош with death-dealing tansistorized gadgets. 
They are quick on the draw and adroit at getting up lad- 
ders dropped from rescuing helicopters; they tend to favor 
blue shirts and wear wrist watches that broadcast thei 
whereabouts. Often, in the course of carrying out their 
mysterious missions in exotic lands, they have their way 
with curvaceous, liquid-eyed and possibly treacherous 
ladies. Oh, yes, 1 know these fellows have their troubles, 
too. Didn't I see poor Alec Leamas sulking his way through 
The Spy Who Came in from the Cold? Let no one зау, 
therefore, that 1 am writing on а subject on which I am 
operly informed, 

The diflculty is that we live in an age when truth 
consistently stranger than fiction. We have reached a point 
where even the most garishly ‘Technicolored produc 


dealing with the unlikeliest hocus-pocus in the most lurid 
locale, 


can scarcely compete with the real thing. It is 
progressively more difficult to know where fiction 
and reality begins. The reality of our spy system taxes 

ination far more than any cinematic thriller. 
Nobody knows for sure, but it is estimated that the 
ited States is now spend thing dose to four 
on dollars а year on the Central Intelligence Agency 
nd other agencies of w s turned into an intelligence 
. This su budgets of the CIA, the 
National Security Agency, the Defense Intelligence Agency 
and various branches of military intelligence. This is many, 
any times the amount of money appropriated for the 
mire State Department. [i is estimated that more than 
100.000 Americans are employed today in intelligence 
work. This small army, to put it baldly, is all but operating a 
separate, secret. government of its own. 

All this is paid for by tax dollars. You would think that 
Congress might have some control over such fartlung 


THE CIA 


operations, which not only gather intelli 
determine U.S. policy as well. But we don't. The 
ag re free to spend their bil 
countable only in the vaguest fashion to the vaguest people. 
They can flout international law. They can take part in 
shadowy conspiracies to overthrow foreign ruler. In 
defiance of our official policy, they can determine where the 
weight of U.S. support is actually thrown. They сап even 
influence our domestic institutions, through foundation 
"fronts" lely publicized recently. And they arc 
scarcely ble for their actions. Alter the fact, it i 
almost impossible to find out just what those actions were 
ad who authorized them. 

It is time this whole cavalier approach were brought 
under Congressional control, With the world as volatile as 
it is today, laxity is too dangerous to tolerate. 

1 am not so naive as to suppose that the U.S. са 
through the world in this grim period of intern 
anarchy without the most highly organized intelligence 
operation, any more than 1 would suggest that we strip 
ourselves unilaterally of armaments and weaponry. As long 
as the Russians have spies and the Chinese have spies and 
the British and the French have spies, we. too, will continue 
to need a highly organized structure of intelligence and 
counterintelligence. What is shocking to me and to many of 
my colleagues in Congress is the idea that our intelligence 
structure should be exempt from accountability to the elected 
representatives of the people. 

There simply is no other branch of the Federal Govern 
ment functi 
appropriated by Coi Federal Bureau of Invest 
gation must be accounted lor. W comes to secrecy, 
dlassified d 
tes under the 
intense scrutiny of a legislative committee, the Joint Com 
tee on Atomic Energy. The Deparunent of Defense 
must account for its activities and expenditures to the 
Armed Services Committees and to the ааа 
Committees of both the Senate (continued оп page I 


nce but some: 


gress to thi 


97 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIO CASILLI 


The candid Anne Randall: “Wamen want to be desired, ond being a Playmate makes me feel 
very desirable. . . . My favorite Mexican food is margaritas. . .. When | get the chance, | intend 
to travel; Гуе never been forther east of California than Las Vegas. . . . Jealousy is the most 
destructive emotian | know of—if's just anather way of saying, 1 Чап! trust you..." 


^ tonne who has more fun than most, 
Anne Randall, rravmov's centerfold 
choice for May, is a golden girl 
ways than one. Currently pursuing an 
acting carcer in Los Angeles, Anne is as 
did as she is comely. “I suppose there 
are hundreds of other girls in Hollywood 
irying to break i 


more 


we're not in competition with or 
other—we're in competition w 
selves, I think there is a stan 


professionalism ГЇ have to at 
when I do, any success I'll meri 
come to me.” Anne's acting ambition did 
not come to fruition simply because she 
blossomed into a picturesque peach of 
€ been acting—and loving it 
as in elementary school," 
ic recalls. "When I was very young, 

g in a talent contest, and I still re- 
member how the audience's applause 
sounded to me. I decided right then, 1 
, that I'd grow up to be an actres: 
tive San Franciscan, Miss May was 
a top teen model while in high school 
and also appe 


y program. She th 
acted out che role of drama major for 
three years at Fresno and San Francisco 


tress,” says the lovely 22- 
year-old, “there's only one place to be on 
the West Coast—L. A. And so here Lam, 
ly or not." Since coming to the swing- 
ing city, Anne has appeared in a numbe 
of local productions and a few weeks 


ago finished а successful run in an original musical comedy staged 
in suburban Glendale, “It was my first singing role," says Miss May, 
d it was great fun. Although I'm hardly an operatic soprano, my 
voice isn't bad. summer someone lent me a guitar and 1 im. 
mediately went out and bought a Beatles songbook. I've been taking 
lessons and 1 can now accompany myself." But singing is secondary 
to our Playmate. “Oh, I've got the acting fever, all right,” Anne will 
tell you. "I don't like to analyze it, but 1 know 1 have to be 
actress. It's а very compulsive thing—when Fm acting, I'm happy: 
when I'm not, I'm miserable.” Breaking into movies, however. isn't 
easy. “The casting offices will only consider you when they see you 
on film. Who has film of me? No one! I'm tying to get a screen 
test.” When the aspiring actress feels the need to unwind, she'll 
hop into her Austin-Healey Sprite for a spin along Los Angel 
famed freeways. “Only one complaint about the drivers down here 
Miss Randall observes. “They sometimes can't resist passing other 
cars on the right. Of course, I shouldn't protest too loudly; I've 
smacked up my car twice since I've been here, How? I was passing 
someone on the right.” Strongly tied to her family, Anne is never 
in a bind when her two younger brothers—Ronnie, 19, and Johnny, 
15—come down from San Francisco for a weekend visit. “My 
brothers are an absolute gas," she says. “Johnny is a terrific athle 
—baseball, football, basketball, all sports. Ronnie is a student at 
Fresno City College and wants to be an actor. But he's а very 
practical guy and he's going to study law so that he'll have some 
thing to fall back on. Wh е most about being with my brothers 
is that when we're together we laugh a great deal And th 
marvelous thi Anne goes all out to make sure their weekends 
are fast-paced and laced with activities: Pool, bowling, swimming, 
ping-pong and horseback riding are among the family favorites. 
“I'm not a bad athlete myself,” says our May Playmate. “I 
condition by switching on the Jack La Lanne TV show and exer 
cising along with him. The man's fantastic! When 1 met Jack. he 
told me he wakes up at four in the morning and works out till six 
How's that for keeping in shape?" Fine for a ‚ but somehow, 
we feel our readers will agree that exercise looks better on Anne. 


‘sa 


When Anne's younger brothers plone in from Son Francisco for o weekend visit, the three lope o late-night fomily sing-out (opposite 
page) for their parents. After going through several Beatles ballads, Anne, Johnny and Ronnie form o borbershop-quortel-minus-cne for their 
version of Sweet Adeline. Top, as Johnny looks cn, Anne displcys fine ping-pong form os she delivers a smashing backhand. Above, aur Moy 
Playmate enjays o gome of stright рас! with her brothers. "| can usually sink five or so іп c row, which is pretty good for a girl,” soys Ani 


Im a city girl,’ says Anne Randall. To Miss May, that phrase tronslates inta such specifics os high-rise aport- 
ment complexes (The one | live in hos a swimming pool, huge recreation raoms—the works! ], thecters, museums 
ond o wide assortment of boutiques. "But city life can be stifling, she says. When Anne feels that way, she drives 
to the L.A. cauntryside, there ta drain aff urban tensions by painting ond indulging in her newest kick, kiteflying 


PLAY BOY’S PARTY JOKES 


We know a football buff who is such a com- 
pulsive gambler that he lost $50 on the last 
game of the season: $25 when the opposing 
team scored a touchdown from their own 15- 
yard line: and another $25 on the I 
Replay. 


A scientific friend informs us tha 
isn't an inherited trait 


Vi you're looking for a really unusual pet,” said 
the shop owner, "this cage contains a giant 
Crunch Bird. Its powerful beak and claws are 
capable of completely demolishing almost any- 
thing.” 

"How horrible,” said the woman customer. 

“Not at all,” the petshop owner replied, “for 
the bird is remarkably well behaved and com- 
pletely obedient. It is only when he is given a 
direct command, such as ‘Crunch Bird, the 
chair,’ or ‘Crunch Bird, the table,’ that he at- 
tacks and destroys the thing that was named. 
Could he destroy a television set?” the 

п asked, with new interest 
‘Console or table model. Color or black- 
and-white. H the Crunch. Bird was given the 
command. he would turn any set into a pile of 
metal scrap, wires and tubes in a few seconds." 

I want him!” the woman exclaimed. "I 
don't care what he costs, I want him!” 

When the woman returned home, she found 
her husband in his usual spot—directly in front 
of the television set. No amount of coaxing 
could draw him away. Her onceloving spouse 
had lost all interest in sex, in conversation, in 
everything except TV. But things will be 
different from now on, she thought, opening 
the Crunch Bird's cage. 

“What sort of pet did you buy?" her hus- 

d asked, without looking up from the set. 
А poodle, а parakeet, or what... 2" 

“1 bought a Crunch Bird," she replied, pre- 
paring to give the one command that would 
smash her electronic rival into a million 
pieces. 

"Crunch. Bird, my ass,” said her husband. 


ba 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines monkey 
wrench as an injury sustained at a discothèque. 


And then there was the eager young miss 
who, after à young man grabbed her knee. 
exclaimed, “Heaven's above!” 


shed Dictionary defines contracep 
rticle to be worn on every conceiv- 


As Sunday approached, the middle-aged min- 
ister grew slightly desperate, for he could 
think of no suitable subject for his sermon 
When his wife suggested that he be original 
and preach on waterskiing, he decided he 
would do it. 

Sunday came and the minister's wife—ill 
with а virus—remained at home. As the minis- 
ter drove to church, his doubts about parables 
found in waterskiing increased. Finally, he 
decided to abandon the subject entirely, and 
nstcad, delivered a brilliant extemporancous 
sermon on sex. 

Later in the week, a matron of the church 
met the minister’s wife in che supermarket and 
complimented her on her husband's шар 
nificent talk. 

“Where on earth did he ever get all that in- 
formation?" she asked. “Не seemed so po 
and sure of himself." 

"I'm sure I don't know," the minister's 
replied. "He only tried it twice and fell off 
both times." 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines will as а 
dead giveaway. 


Two slightly tipsy members of the gay set were 

ng sipping cocktails in a bar when an un. 
usually attractive, well-built blonde walked by. 
The first fag didn't even look up, but the sec- 
ond stared in obvious appreciation, emitting a 
long, low whistle—just loud enough for his 
companion to hear. 

"Scc here,” the first fag said sharply, “you're 
not thinking of going straight, are you?” 

"No, of course not," replied his friend 
reassuringly, "but when I see something like 
that go by, I sometimes wish I'd been born a 
Lesbian,” 


Heard а good one lately? Send it on а post- 
card lo Party Jokes Editor, rtavnov, Playboy 
Building, 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
Jil. 60611, and earn $50 for each joke used. 
In case of duplicates, payment is made for 
first card received. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“According to the legend, one night her husband drained the pool.” 


PLAYBOY 


108 


МУ. HOW FAST 


desk. "Good flight” he 
“Very smooth, thanks. 
“How old are you?" 
“Twenty-four.” 
“It must be wo 
young." ("He doesn’ 
sharpen my pencils, 
his associate produc 
interview.) 
Hecht. said, "You're probably wonder- 
ng why we brought you down here,” and 
1 said, "Yes, as a matter of fact. 
Wed love to do Paxton Quigley, 


aquired. 


derful to be that 
look old enough to 
Hecht quipped to 
joments after this 


but 


Bure" 

“But I don't see how we could make i 
into a film without ruining it, do you? 

Mr. Hecht, go lo the back of the 
class 

“L never thought it was particularly 
dirty, to begin with," I informed him. No 
п. He picked up a thick scarlet 
belore him on the desk. lowered 
legs, stretched horizontally across 
the desk and handed the folder to me, 


outline of a 
ng about, ICs 
ovel called 


college story we're thin! 
been loosely adapted from 
Stacy Tower. Ever read iti 
I started it once.” 

We bought the property а while 
back, but . . . well, I've always wanted 
to do а university picture, you see. The 
time is especially ripe for one now, 
t ie 

“Yes, that's why—— 

“L think so," Hecht said, explaining 
that he had reserved ап office for me 
downstairs, that the blonde secretary on 
the left would give me the key, that I 
should read the oudine and meet wid 


him in the afternoon: “How's that 
sound? 
"Well —" 


“Good. See you when you're finished. 
Take your time.” Then he was on the 
phone answering one of four cal 
secretaries had held. Hecht is not a man 
«e words, to dally or filibuster. 

" he asked me 


eflort of two writers whose last names 
merged with the euphonious lilt of a 
vaudeville team: Writing in collabora- 

has always puzzled me; its like 
ung a suanger imo your bathroom 
i vou. Wh: 
tempted to work 15 principal 
acters into a Grand Hotel р: 
contemporary university life 
- It failed for the same rea- 
sons a Frankie Avalon picture resembles 
nothing in the real world, except that 
beach-party bingos are not intended to 
suggest reality, and the Stacy outline did 
indeed. effect a pious tone of That's how 
it is. that’s how it really i 

Alter reading the first three pages of 
this outline, I'd already сам the film 


1 read valiandy ас 
char- 


(continued from page 86) 


young Dick Powell as Paul, Joan Blon- 
dell as Tish, and Eddie Cantor in black- 
асе as Gene The Negro. 


It was almost dusk when | reseated 
myself across from Hecht, laying the 
scarlet folder oi desk. I knew, even 
91, that you can say just about any- 
body if you suffix it with 


а or a “ma'am,” and Hecht, hud 
dled in that mammoth chair, seemed 
y receptive, With bemused 


hment, he studied me for а while, 
wondering, perhaps. what the hell 1 wa 
doing in his office. Then he asked: 

“Did vou have any reaction to the out- 
line, Steph 
Yes, sit. This thing's horrendous,” 1 
replied flatly, quite certain that wi 
hour I'd be on a return flight to 

But producer Hechts face evidenced 
no rage. Instead, slowly and compassion 
ately he nodded, lips drawn tight. His 
hands fanned up behind his head, but- 
terlly wings, and as he gazed at the 
ceiling, he inqu ired: “If you think the 
outline is unsatisfactory, how would you 
go about improving it? 

How? Га burn it, that’s how. 

"Ed burn it, sir.” 
е, not even a blink: 


All of 


"Yeah, probably.” 
d what would you do instead?” 
rt all over again, I guess. I haven't 
thought about it. The idea of students 
revolting, Mr. Hecht . . . the part of that 
treatment where those writers tried to 
bring in the Berkeley bit—situation— 
maybe . 
“Yes?” 
“That could be a possibility. Other- 
ise, 1 doi 
ot very jazzy, is й 
"What, sir?” 
Stacy outline. 
You must be kidding. “No, sir, I don't 
find it particularly jazzy. How long were 
they working on that, if 1 may ask?” 
"Five months.” muttered Hecht like a 
man admitting that his dog has fleas, 
and suddenly he was frowning. His is a 
profoundly candid frown that speaks of 
the past and present frustrations of one 
producer who, surrounded by schlock 
merchants, has on occasion risked his 
livelihood to transcend kitsch. However, 
Hecht learned his profession among 
these merchants and, as I soon came to 
discover, adopted much of their flm- 
making technique as his own. Schlock 
tactics dictate that the Hollywood pro- 
ducer summon forth the talents and non- 
talents of many to do the job of one, for 
there is security in numbers, il not art- 
istry. And Hecht also adheres to an ata- 
vistic belief that the producer is king, not 
a quiet moneylender but а powerful 
creative force in the cinematic proce: 
Fortunately, Hecht possesses a strong 


distaste for sentimentality that makes 
him a kind of visionary Dr. Schweitzer 
in this primitive society plagued by artis 
tic softening, of the brain. I discovered 
the Schweitzer in Hecht only afier 
own brain had begun to soften 
Hecht, noticing my swift deterio 
into a Hollywood hack, sat me down for 
the cure. 


and 


ation 


But both the cure 
were unanticipated by me at the outset 
siting and watching him in that late 


September dusk as he sullenly reflected. 
upon five months of time, money and 
labor squandered on the Stacy outline. 
Nor was I aware that three other projects 
were currently occupying his attention 
l that they would ultimately render 
him inaccessible: nor that Harold Hecht 
maintains a certain notoriety among film- 
industry personnel for his shrewd and 
frugal ways. He is, according to one who 
пом, “the toughest man in this town to 
get money out of.” I was about to learn 
he Latter ruth firsthand. 

After his lengthy reflect 
Hecht abruptly stopped frowning: 
derstand you're working for a television 
n in Seattle.” 
es 

He wanted to know how much they 
were paying me, and I told him: the 
ary of a bad plumber. He drew a doodle 
on his jot paper. then inquired, How 
would I like to come to work for him 
down here, where I could spend all my 
time writing? 

“For what sort of salary, 1 asked, 
thinking, Two grand a month, pal, 
nothing less. 

"About the same salary they're paying 
you in Seattle,” Hecht replied. You're 
puiting me on. But 1 heard nothing of 
a practical joker in Hechts voice, rather 
the laconic monotone of a seasoned gam 
bler, "Of course," he added, “I don't 
want ro take advantage of a starving 
young writer, Stephen. 

You just did, Mr. Hecht, you just . . . 
“No, si" 

“Therefore, if we can use w 
write, then ГЇЇ pay you a 
bonus. How docs that sound; 

“Well, frankly" 

“Ww t you think about what you 
might want to do on this story and we'll 
meet again tomorrow No, 
let's meet for lunch. Drop in tomorrow 
and introduce yourself to 
Mitch, my associate producer: the next 
office down the corridor.” 

Hecht. offering me that ingratiating, 
grin, pushed his intercom buttons and 
began to arrange a time for our luncheon 
date, І walked out 


stat 


doi 


afternoon. 


Mitch Lindeman between 
Hecht and his writers, is a puffy man in 
40s with a grainy voice and 
crocodilian eyes that open and shut quite 

(continued on page 188) 


THROUGH GLASS— 
A | DARKLY 


food and drink By THOMAS MARIO 
playboy sheds light on the prandial 
and potable joys of the brunet brews 


VELVETY DARK BEER is intended for those who drink 
beer like wine, not like water. You pour it at the gemät- 
lich dinner when you're serving whole roast tenderloin 
of beef, at the special board when you're carving a crown 
of lamb, or at the season's first [cast of cold fresh 
Kennebec salmon. Even with fare as casual as roquefort 
cheese and sourdough French bread, or with bowls of 
fresh crab lump and mayonnaise, extremely pleas- 
ant turn-of-the-beer-tide to be able to ask your guests 
whether they'd prefer Danish dark Carlsberg or Oyster 
Stout from the Isle of Man. Understandably, beer drink 
ers аге fiercely loyal to one kind of brew. But when four 
good men of different loyalties are sitting around a 
pinochle table, the most convivially ubiquitous balm 
you can dole out, after dealing the cards, is tankards 
of rich black beer. In food, rather than merely with 
food, dark beer imparts a. mellow. offbeat accent that 
has absolutely no pcer for flavoring dishes as varied as 
bacon-and-onion rabbit, minute steaks with beer gravy 


PLAYBOY 


110 


or a dessert of warm baked apples with 
bread-cumb filling mixed with dark 
beer, brown sugar and spices. 

There's no exact point on the beer 
spectrum that separates light from 
dark. Beers range in color from the 
palest American blonds to the blackest of 
British stouts. Even the latter aren't liter- 
ally black. Hold a glass of Guinness up 
to the light and you'll sce ruby threads 
among the black. There are in-between 
hues like the Mexican Cerveceria Moc 
tezuma, which Jeans toward the dark 
side. What makes a beer turn from light 
to dark when it’s brewed is largely a 
matter of heat. Beer is liquid barley 
flavored by hops and fermented by 
yeast. During the process, the barley 
malt is roasted—at a low temperature, its 
color is light; at a higher temperature, 
the color is deeper brown and the re- 
sulting beer is dark. Like dark-roasied 
coffee, it captures that special crowd 
that appreciates espresso ог café noir 
rather than just another cup of coffee. 

In rare instances, you may encounter 
a phony dark beer. It's simply a light 


beer to which color has been added. You 
can spot it first by its flavor and some- 
times by its collar. If the bead is a deep 


brown and collapses quickly, a fake pig- 
ment has been introduced. If the collar 
is light brown and the flavor lingers, 
then the beer is the genuine dark brew 
worthy of Gambi s himself, Needless 
to say, the foam on any great beer is 
creamy thick and holds itsclf proudly to 
the last drop. 

Dark beers, like certain women, ma- 
ture beautifully. Most light beers are at 
their peak of flavor about two to three 
weeks after they've come from the brew. 
ery. Because their shelf life is short, light 
beers should be bought at a shop with a 
rapid turnover. But the dust on a bottle 
of dark beer, like the cobwebs оп bot- 
Чез of rare red burgundies, is often a 
badge of quality. We recently downed the 
contents of а can of American dark beer 
over а усаг old. Its flavor was both richer 
and fuller than the dark beer that 
had left the same brewery only a few 
weeks before. Explanation? Oxidation. 
"The small amount. of in the head 
space at the top of the can actually 
rounds the breed of dark beers to per- 
fection, whereas it weakens its lighter 
liquid brethren, The new draught Guin- 
ness in bottles will handily survive 18 
months, a far beer cry from the suds 
Queen Elizabeth I drank, so strong "no 
man durst touch," and which the good 
queen insisted. should be matured at 
least seven or eight hours before she 
would drink 

Once a year American and European 
brewers genullect to the goat that her- 
alds spring and the bock-beer season. 
Bock is dark beer with more than usual 
body, and hoppier—that is, with the 
aided pleasant bitterness that comes 
from hops rather than malt. It’s now on 


tap, and is the most pleasant kind of prel- 
ude for a man learning to savor the 
brunet brews. Among America's dark de- 
lights, Pryor's, with its opulent flavor, is 
closest to the great German and Scandi- 
navian brews. 

The best way to explore the dusky 
brews is to pour them into large tulip- 
shaped glasses, just as you would with 
wine at a wine-tasting party. All first- 
rank beers, particularly the dark mem- 
bers of the tribe, have a definite malty 
aroma that is part of their taste profile. 
If you're tasting two darks or a dark 
versus a light, keep a pile of bread sticks 
or water crackers and wedges of hard 
cheese nearby. Take small nibbles of 
each between tastings to clear the pal- 
ate. With plenty of beer, the hopfest can 
go on for hours. 

‘The darkest and boldest in flavor of 
imported brews are the British stouts. 
Mackeson's, once called milk stout be- 
cause it's brewed with milk sugars, will 
actually float on top of certain British 
light beers. Guinness speaks the brogue 
of itsold Dublin dynasty. You may be 
somewhat less than ecstatic the first time 
you sip it. Like an initial tasting of Ital- 
ian aperitif bitters, stout's rich, insolent 
flavor probably will surprise you. Then, 
as it slowly flames your appetite and lin 
gers in the back of your mouth, you'll 
inevitably want more and more. In Ma- 
laya, children of Cantonese extraction are 
still baptized with Guinness instead of 
water. When Cuinness is finished brew- 
ing, fresh wort (beer with unspent yeast) 
added just before the stout is poured 
into bottles or kegs. As with champagne, 
the fermentation is then completed in the 
container. It's this final step that helps 
give Guinness its rare ebullience. 

Of mixed beer drinks, the most illus- 


trious is black velvet—half stout and 


half champagne poured into tall Pilsner 
glasses. It originated їп 1861, when 
Londoners were mourning the death of 
Queen Victoria's consort, Albert the 
Good. Champagne was part of the sad 
1, but its color was embarrassingly 
ight. To make it more in keeping with 
he grievous event, black мош was 
addéd by the steward of the fashionable 
Brooks Club. The black plush is а varia- 
tion in which sparkling cider is substitut- 
ed for champagne. In this country, a 
more doughty drink is the boilermaker, 
neat whiskey washed down by beer. We 
especially like its Teutonic version: icc- 
cold Steinhager gin (like the Dutch 
Genever gin in flavor) followed by dar 
Munich beer. For men whose thirsts can 
only be assuaged by tonic water, we sug- 
gest the refocillater: 6 ozs. ice-cold toi 
water, 2 oz. icecold stout and 1 oz. 
е соіа brandy poured into a prechilled 
goblet without ice but with a slice of 
lemon floating on top. 

A. E. Housman once prodaimed, 
“And malt does more than Milton can/ 
To justify God's ways to man." Dark 


malt does even better. Use it when you 
hop from your usual beer and skittles to 
beer in victuals, of which some splendid 
examples follow. 


BAKED CLAMS, CHIVE STUF 


(Serves four) 

2 doz. large chowdersize clams on hall 

shell 

6 slices bacon 

1 cup bread crumbs 

Yq cup dark beer 

6 tablespoons melted butter 

1 tablespoon minced fresh chives or 2 

tablespoons freeze-dried chives 

1 tablespoon minced fresh dill 

Preheat oven at 450°. Cut cach slice of 
bacon crosswise into 4 pieces. Combine 
bread crumbs, beer, butter, chives and 
dill. Mix until thoroughly blended. Spoon 
1 tablespoon stuffing on top of cach 
dain, spreading smoothly to cover clans 
completely. Place a piece of bacon or 
top of cach dam. Place clams in shallow 
baking pan or casserole. Bake until b 
con is crisp. Serve at once. Note: Large 
size dams, when covered, will be morc 
tender than smaller dams, which heat 
quickly penetrates and toughens. 


MINUTE STEAKS, BEER GRAVY 
(Serves four) 
4 boneless steaks, 8 to 10 ozs. each, 
cut from the shell 

Sali, pepper 

Y Cup stout 

М cup dry red wine 

cup water 

3 tablespoons butter 

1 tablespoon finely minced shallots or 

scallions 

1 packet instant bouillon 

Preheat electric skillet at 390°, Slash 
edge of cach steak in two or three 
places to. prevent curling. Sprinkle with 
salt and pepper. proil steaks without 
added fat until brown on both sides or to 
degree of rarcness desired. Remove steaks 
pan. Add all other ingredients. 
ng to a boil Scrape рап Боне 
to loosen drippings. Simmer 2 to 8 mi 
utes. Pour over steaks on platter 


from 


BACON-AND-ONION RABBIT 
(Serves four) 
8 slices bacon, cut into yin. squares 
1 medium-size onion, minced 
1 Ib. sharp process cheddar cheese 
11% cups dark beer 
¥ teaspoon Worcestershire sauce 
1 teaspoon vinegar 
1 teaspoon prep 
% teaspoon dry mustard 
4 egg yolks 
14 cup dark beer 
6 pieces toast cut in half diagonally 
Cut cheese into Yin. cubes. In top 
part of double boiler, over a low direct 
(concluded, on page 182) 


red п ard 


pere iediocre conversationalist, 
the most frustrating cliché to deal 
with is the pointless question or com- 
ment. Its a kind of imbecile's one- 
upmanship, be you can neither 
ignore it nor wledge it without 
sounding like a boob. In the guerrilla war 
nst hackneyed chatter, total victory is 
never posible. But one can learn how to 
derail an enemy train of thought, For 
campaign, the following answers 
are recommended highly. They may not 

krieg your interrogator, but they're 
bound to make | 


s 1 did hav 
‘They uscd to be on top of my head, and 
a terrible disfigurement. They 


nd of my hat, th га 
t on an elevator, I couldn't get my 
nd women would glare at me. 
's not all I've had lowered. Wait 
till you hear what used to be 
navel . 


“Nothing's cooking, but I know why 
you You smell it, too, don't you? 
We've been getting that odor for the last 
half hour. I've been all over the place, 
though, and I can't find any smoke or 
anything. I even went outside, but the 
only glow is in the windows of that 
house down the block. Say, that’s your 
place, isn't it... 2" 


"Roy, have I ever read 
books lately! I just finished a four- 
volume study of latent homosexuality. 
‘Tells how to spot ‘em and everything. 
Did you know that psychiatry has now 
discarded the ‘illness’ theory? This book 
says the kindest thing you can do for a 
queer is kick the hell of him. 
Incid 


out 
ally, what kind of perfume is 
that you're wearing . . . ?7 


“Tricks, you say? How's tricks? 1 
thought you'd never ask. Haye I learned 
a corker! Got it out of one of those party 
books, and no one has given me a 
chance to try it. It's a whiz-bang. First of 
all, have you got a cwenty-dollar bill? 
Fine. Now, I'll just tear it in half, and 
snip off your necktie with. these scis 
sors and make you a blindfold 
don't worry, 
surprised. 


"You wouldn't 
they've be. 


believe how busy 
keeping me. Like a lousy 


humor 
By D. G. LLOYD 
and LARRY SIEGEL 


stud, that's how. The ladies just won't 
leave me alone. Practically tear the pants 
off me. Why, just a few minutes ago, in 
the bedroom—you sce that voluptuous 
blonde over there? Oh, she is, huh? Real- 
ly? I didn't realize that. Well, let me tell 
you, you dog, you've got a mighty fine 
little woman there . . ." 


“I've been trying to stay out of trou 
ble, but I can't seem to avoid i 
tonight. When I noticed your саг p 
outside with the headlights on, I should 
simply have come in and told you. But 
no, I had to be Joe Nice Guy! It wa 
my fault that your hand brake looks like 
a light switch. Anyway, when you park 
on an indine, you should always cut 
your wheels in to the curb. Leaving 
already .. . 2" 


“No, not lately. As a matter of fact, I 
haven't been getting any for over twenty 
years now. Rotten war wound at Anzio. 
1 take long walks at night and read a lot. 
Jt takes my mind off it. Sure, every once 
in a while, when I'm reminded of it, I 
weaken a bit. Like that time last ус; 
See these scars on my wrists... 
ly, they got me to Bellevue 
. . . No, no, please don't feel bad about 
bringing up the subject. Believe me, it 
doesn’t concern me anymore . .. Oh, I 
wonder if 1 could borrow the keys to 
your car? Thanks. No, you needn't both- 
er opening the garage door 


“Well, the fact is . . . they're hanging 
upside down, since you ask. On the back 
porch. We figured they'd ooze less that 
way. Later, when I've had a couple of 
blasts to fortify me, I'll go slither them 
onto the grill. How did you know about 
them, anyway? People are so damned 
squeamish; but honestly they're 
cooked right, you won't even be able to 
tell. Hope you've got an appetite...” 


“Hell, no, not nearly hot enough for 
me. Until about a month ago, my 
assistant and I were living in this 
in Ethiopia, and it used to hit about 130 
there, though not in the shade, of course. 
In the shade it never got above 118. 
Isn't it funny how you get so used to 
something like that and then you kind of 
miss it? I was doing research on rare 
(concluded on page 181) 


contagious 


OPEN YOUR 
MOUTH— 
MY FOOT 
IS STUCK 


outrageous answers designed 
to stem the tide 


of cliché questions 


ROBERT POST 


in the United St most inhospitable building. 

It has no windows and only one entrance, heavily guarded. Its administrators obviously don't want the public to 

know what goes on inside, and perhaps this is kind of them. Inside are nightmares. 
In one of the large laboratory rooms, two physicists and a biologist stand about a heavy metal table. "They 
r thick ear pads. On the table is a dial-covered device about the size and shape of a television set, with umpet- 
like nor n protruding from its face. The device is a kind of siren, designed to produce high-frequency sound of out- 
. The scientists are studying the effects of this sound on materials, animals and men. They are 
ng if sound can be used as а weapon. 

A small delegation of official visitors [rom Washington shuffies nervously into the room. The visitors are supplied 
with ear protectors and settled in chairs behind the siren. The physicists turn the device on and tune it in. A colos- 
sal high-pitched shriek fills the room. This is the audible component of the generated sound. It is loud enough to hurt 
the padded but it is only a whisper compared with the main body of the generator's huge yell. The main body 
is in a higher range of frequencies—higher than the human ear can hear. 

One of the physicists begins the demonstration by picking up a wad of steel wool with a tonglike instrument on 
a long pole. He holds the steel wool in the invisible beam of sound that issues [rom the horn. The steel wool explodes 
in a whirling cascade of white-hot sparks 

Next he picks up a flashlight and turns it on, He wants to show what an intense sound field might do to 
enemy's delicate electronic gadgetry—the guidance mechanism of a missile, for example. He holds the flashlight in 
the beam. The light goes out instantly. A fraction of a second later, the glass faceplate shatters. 

‘The biologist has brought a white rat into the room in a small cage. The rat is running around the cage, look- 
ing unhappy about all the noise. But his worries don't last long. The biologist lifts the cage into the sound field. 
‘The rat stiffens, rises up to the full stretch of his legs, arches his back, opens his mouth wide and falls over. He is 
dead. An autopsy will reveal that he has died of instant overheating and a massive case of the bends. There are 
bubbles in his veins and internal organs. 

Such is the power of sound. And such is the state of sonics technology in the 1960s. 

Sound has been a part of human life and death since prehistoric man used it to track his meals and warn him of 
danger, and scientists have been interested in it since Pythagoras first tried to figure out the mathematics of musi- 
cal intervals some 2500 years ago. Yet until the past few years, the science of sound was distinctly low-caste. It had а 
grubby, hangdog air. Most of the men who pondered it down through the centuries—Francis Bacon, Isaac Newton, 
Albert Einstein—were men whose main interests lay in other, more glamorous fields. The few men who did concen- 
trate on sound were regarded by most other scientists as unimportant, if not actually nuts. 

Nobody gave them any research grants or set them up in expensive laboratories. "They had to improvise their 
own equipment. In the 19th. Century and carly 20th Century, for instance, three separate teams of French experi- 
mentets studied the speed of sound and other phenomena by going underground and sending noises through water 
pipes and drainage conduits beneath Paris. The mileslong mazes of pipe served the purpose, but the scientists be- 
came damp and irritable. ris gendarme, hearing strange sounds from a sueet grating one night, peered into the 
hole and saw a man squatting below with a lantern and a flute, The man was scientist J. B. Biot, studying some 
mysteries of musical pitch. “What are you doing down there?” asked the gendarme, “PI g a flute, of course,” 
pped Biot. 

Men like Biot spent much of their time trying to convince the scientific world that they deserved to be listened 
›. This only made things worse. Professor Dayton Clarence (“Shockwave”) Miller, a founding father of the Acous- 
Al Society of America, used то stomp around what is now the Case Institute of Technology in the 1930s with a copy 
ol a 1929 history of science under his arm. "Look at this damned book!" he'd howl, waving it at anybody he could 
buttonhole. “It has more than five hundred pages, but there are only twelve lines devoted to sound!" His hearers 
would nod politely. “Gee, Professor,” they'd mumble, shame." Miller later wrote a science-ol-sound history 
It promptly sank from sight in a vast silent sea of indillerence—immersed so thoroughly that the New 
York Public Library's copies, now 30 years old, are still virginally free of thumbprints. 

But times change. The science ol sound began to get some attention during World War Two with the develop- 
ment of military applications such as sonar (Sound Navigation and Ranging) lor tracking enemy vessels at sea. In 
the 1950s, studies of other sonic phenomena began to disappear опе by one behind a shroud of military seciecy— 
perhaps the most sincere honor that can be granted to any research project. And now, in the 1960s, the science of 
sonics is distinctly hot. It is glamorous, it is "in" at last. Big old companies such as Westinghouse and Goodrich have 
‘stablished sonics laboratories and are pouring money into them. More money is pouring in from the U.S. Govern- 
ment. New hotshot sonics companies are springing up on all sides to cash in on the boom. There are acoustics 
societies and publications and awards and noisy conventions. Suddenly, everybody is fascinated by sound. 

A lusty choir of sound-emitting gadgets h risen to buzz, hoot, whistle and roar in the world's е: 
high-frequency sound to clean instruments, dentis 


THE SONICS BOOM 


article By MAX GUNTHER 


HE BUILDING 15 ON A MILITARY INSTALLATION somewhe: 


Hospitals use 


s to clean teeth, nuclear submarine crews to shiver the rust off tools 


until recently a neglected stepchild of the technological revolution, 
the science of sound in exolic frequencies is now cloaked in glamor—and secrecy 


PHOTOGRAPH BY J. BARRY O'ROURKE 


PLAYBOY 


114 


and scorched food off cooking pots. Ath- 


letic ur: аре sore 
des. Surgeons use а more intense variety 
to detect tumors, remove warts. di 
e parts of the brain in maladies such 
as Parkinson's disease. Lower-frequency 
sound is used as an anesthetic. 

Companies big and small have staked 
their reputations and finances in the 
sound game. Honeywell and others 
have invented devices that send out 
sounds and, by analyzing the returning 
echoes, give characteristics of objects olf 
which the sounds bounced. Such a de- 
vice was used in 1965 to find a barge 
loaded with deadly chlorine gas that 
had sunk off Baton Rouge, Louisiana, 
and another will be used this summer 
by an MIT profesor to find two lost 
ancient cities under the Meditcrrancan, 
Smith Kline Instrument Company, of 
Philadelphia, makes similar gadgets in 

ature to detect trouble spots in the 
human body and to find foreign objects 
ate organs such as the eye. RCA 
vented a typewriter that under- 
stands spoken sounds and will type any- 
thing you say to it. Ling Electronics of 
California makes a noise generator 
whose gigantic howl, loud enough to 
tear electronic equipment apart, is used 
to test the toughness of spaceflight 
hardware. A New York store, Ham- 
macher Schlemmer, sells a smaller noise 
generator that is supposed to drown out 
(with “white sound," a gentle hi 
noise) other night sounds and help you 
sleep. And in case your neighbor's noise 
generator bothers you, B. F. Goodrich 
has invented a rubbery material called 
Deadbeat that stops sound almost 
completely. 

Odd research projects are afoot, The 
U.S. Deparunent of Agriculture is 
trying to find out why. in some cases, 
com grows taller and cows give more 
milk when serenaded with music. The 
U.S. Navy wants to know why ship 
propellers sometimes sing (a lovely mu- 
sical tone, but it interferes with sonar) 
what whales say to each other (they 
sound like morose cows); and how por- 
poises under the water and fishing bats 
over it use soi echoes to home un 
erringly on their prey. Scientists of the 
Bell Telephone Laboratories tried to 
discover how we identify an anony- 
mous voice over a phone, and exactly 
why, and in what ways, music played in 
New York's Philharmonic I sounds 
ifferent from that in the Mormon 
Tabernacle (one reason: The Taber- 
nacle’ builders used cattle hair to 
strengthen their wall plaster). The Na 
tional Aeronautics and Space Admini 


ers use it to m: 


nis- 
tration wants to know what loud rocket 
noises do to people around a launch 
d, and why such noises occasionally 
cause nausea, fainting and epilepticlike 
fits. University of Pennsylvania гс 
searchers are experimenting with high- 
frequency sound as a means of shaking 


slow-penetrating medicines into body 
tissues. Researchers at the Max Planck 
Institute in West Germany want to 
know why workers in noisy places such 
as iron foundries have more emotional 
and family problems than those in 
quieter places. Once-obscure subspecial- 
ties such as psychoacoustics (the study 
of how we hear a sound and what we do 
about it) and forensic acoustics (deal- 
ing with the growing number of noise- 
nuisance and cardamage cases taken to 
court) are growing important enough to 
begin forming socicties and holding con- 
ventions of their own. 

n 10 be needed at lust," says 
New Jersey sonics expert Lewis Good 
friend. He is a dark, wryly humorous 
man who worked on sonic weaponry dur- 
ing World War Two id now has 
his own acoustics company, Goodfriend- 
Ostergaard Associates. The company earns 
its living by such means as designing 
quict offices, determining the effects of 
noise on personnel, testing 
sound-deaden s and appear- 
ing in court as an expert witness in 
noise-nuisance cases. It is a small outfit 
but—typical of the — times—wealthy 
enough to afford a complete sound labo- 
ratory full of shiny equipment. Says 
Goodfriend contentedly: "In the last 
few years this business has gained sta- 
tus. It's hard to explain. why, exactly. 
There haven't been any really revolu- 
tionary new discoveries. Most of the 
work being done today is a continuation 
or inti ation of earlier work, but it 
sounds new because people never heard 
of it before and it wasn't used before. 1 
can't say what caused this upswing, but 
I will say I like it.” 

Sound, the phenomenon that all the 
noise is about, is a wavelike disturbance 
in a solid, liquid or gas. The disturbance 
travels at about 1090 fcct а second in 
air at sca level, roughly five times as 
fast in water and 15 times as fast in 
iron, It is unfortunate that we do most 
of our hearing in air, for air is one of the 
poorest conductors of sound. A detonated 
50-pound dynamite charge can be heard 
for maybe ten miles in still air, but 
for more than 10,000 miles in water— 
which is why the U. hopeful 
ly developing equipment for hearing 
enemy vessels hundreds of miles away. 

Sounds have two ma characteris 
tics; frequency and intensity. The fre- 
quency is the number of waves (usually 
called cydes) that pass a given point in 
a given time. The human саг and brain 
detect frequency as pitch—how "high" 
or "low" the sound is. An average young 
man can hear tones from about 15 cy- 
des per second to 20,000 cps; but as he 
grows older, his upper threshold. drops, 
nd he may end his life virtually deal to 
toncs higher than 10,000 cps. Luckily 
for him, most music lies within that 
range. The lowest note of an organ 


(made by a pipe 32 leet long) is about 
16 eps. The lowest А on а piano is 9715 
cps: the lowest note а basso can sing is 
about 80. A soprano can reach as high a 
1200 cps: а piccolo, 4186: an organ (with 
a pipe less than an inch long). 8372. 
Sensitivity to pitch differs from. per 
"Fhere are various degrees 
the inability to hear 
fine differences in frequency. At the 
other end of the scale are people such 
piano tuner, who can hear the 
difference between an A tuned at 440 
cps (the international standard) and 441 
ог 442 cps (which some orchestras prefer). 
Still more rare are the 25 people in 
a million with "absolute pitch," the 
ability to sound а perfect 400-cycle A or 
any other note fom memory ^ 
never thought about it much,” says onc 
man who has t ack, Connect 
cut musicologist composcr-organíst-choir- 
master Dr. Robert Rowe. "I remember a 
note the way I remember your па 
It’s there when I want it, that's all. 
Nobody knows why people's pitch 
sensitivity differs or where the gift of 
absolute pitch comes from. Some 
results simply from an 


and steady ringing in the cars. You 
probably found this ringing especially 
loud the last time you had a fever. It's 
thought to be caused by miniature vi 


brations of ear parts. The 
thing about it is that, in any one indi- 
vidual, it's usually about the same pitch. 
H you want to fake absolute pitch, you 
may be able to do it by using this ring- 

ing as your reference point. 
Frequencies higher than the human 
hearing threshold are called. ultrasonic. 
Dogs, bats, porpoises and other с 
tures can hear higher frequencies than 
humans—in some cass as high as 
150,000 cps. “Вис this doesn't make 
them anything special" says "Ei 
er of the Hewlett-Packard. Company, 
ich makes ultrasonic listening de 
vices for detecting leaks in boilers and 
other pressure systems. "Hell, with a 
little ingenuity, a man can hear any fre 
quency he likes." At the University of 
California, in fact, physicist Klaus 
Dransfeld has produced and recorded 
frequencies in the fantastic neighbor 
hood of 20 billion cps. High frequencies 
like that are usually produced with piczo- 
electric crystals such as quartz, which 
change shape in an electric field. They 
can be made to hum ultrasonically by 
applying а rapidly alteri 
‘The other m. 
sound, its intensity or DE 
most often measured in decibels— 
which is unfortunate, for decibels are 
ard to talk about. The decibel scale is 
a logarithmic scale, not a scale of equal 
sired units like inches or pounds. Every 
upward step of ten decibels represents a 
tenfold multiplication of sound energy. 
(continued on page 183) 


nteresting 


WT 


“Pop, I don't think I'm approaching puberty fast enough.” 


115 


SYIVAN 
SYLVA + 


bidding farewell to her 
roman villa, italian screen 
goddess sylva koscina heads 
for the hollywood hills — 


While a physics major at Naples 
University, Sylva Koscina * 
chosen to award flowers to the 
winner of a bicycle race. 
Newspaper photos of the 
ceremony led to a screen test 
and to a role in Pietro Germi's 
The Rainbow Man. Sylva has 
since been a star in ascendancy, 
and in Federico Fellini’s Juliet 
of the Spirits, her sensual side 
aroused international interest. 
This year, Sylva appears 
opposite David McCallum (in 
МСМ? Three Bites of the Apple), 
Paul Newman, Horst Buchholz 
and Richard Johnson. In an 
exclusive PLAYBOY portfolio, 
she intimately reveals the 
charisma that is Koscina. 


~ . 


d 


FHOTOGRAPHY BY ANGELO FRONTON! 


me 


5; hotels for the past 


“When I was a girl, 
I wondered what it would 
be like to be a star. 

Now I know—and it is 
more marvelous than 

I imagined. But it alos. 
means waking and. ©. 
working before dawn, ~= 
and traveling foo... = 
much: 1 have lived in 


five years. Тат а „© 
woman without a Home,” 


WF in 
d Р 12,7 
"To be beautiful is to walk 
into a room and have 


a man remember you for 
, the rest of his life. 


i o 


. 79 I want to be beautiful and 3 


happy. I say to my- 
self, ‘Sylva, other girls — 
nre not so lucky as 
you, andl know it~ _ 
to be the truth." 


> 


“Who is Sylva? Sylva is a 
mystery, a cocktail of life. 
Sylva is laughter, anger, 
sentimentality, bitchiness 

and passion—much passion. 
Sylva was born in Yugoslavia, 
came to Italy as a child 

and feels as if she 

is an international woman. 
love being Sylva.” 


PLAYBOY 


124 


THE SEA WAS WET 


Mandie, got the great idea that we 
should all go out on а picnic Naturally, 
we thought it was an inspiration, we were 
nothing if not real sports and so we'd 
packed some goodics, not forgetting the 
liquor, and we'd piled into the car, and 
weaving across the beach, 
place to spread our tacky 


there we we 
looking for 
banquet. 

We located a broad, low rock, decided 

it would serve for our table and loaded it 
th the latest in plastic chinaware, a 
phazard collection of food and a quan- 
y of boules. 
Someone had packed a tin of Spam 
ng the other offerings, and when I 
it, 1 was suddenly overwhelmed 
th an absurd feeling of nostalgia. It 
reminded me of the War and of myself 
soldier-boying up through Haly. It also 
reminded me of how long ago the whole 
thing had been and how little I'd done of 
what I'd dreamed I'd do back then. 

1 opened the Spam and sat down to be 
alone with it and my memories, but it 
wasn't to be for long. The kind of people 
that run with people like Carl don't like 
to be alone, ever, especially with thei 
memories, and they can't imagine that 
anyone che might, at least now and 
then, have a taste for 

My rescuer was Irene. [rene was par- 
ticularly sensitive about seeing people 
alone, because being alone had several 
times nearly produced fatal results for 
her. Being alone ng pills to end 
the being alone. 

“Wh asked. 

“Nothing's wrong,” I said, holding up 
a forkful of the pink Spam in the sun- 
light. “It tastes just like it always did. 
They haven't lost their touch." 

She sat down on the sand beside me 
very carefully, so as to avoid spilling the 
least drop of what must have been her 


1 glanced over at Mandie. She had her 
head thrown back and she was laughing 
uproariously at some joke Carl had just 
made. Carl was smiling at her with his 
teeth glistening and his eyes deep down, 
dead as ever. 

"Why should Mandie be happy?" I 
asked. “What, in God's name, has she 
got to be happy about? 

"Oh, Phil,” said Irene. “You pretend 
to be such an awful cynic. She's alive, 
e she?” 

1 looked at her and wondered what 
such a statement meant, coming from 
someone who'd tried to do herself in as 
earnestly and as frequently as Irene had. I 
decided that T did not know and that 1 
er know. [ also de 
cided I didn't want any more of the Spam 
1 1 to throw it away. doing my bit to 
liter up the beach, and then I sav them. 


would prob; 


(continued [vom page 83) 


They were far . barely bigger 
than two dots, but you could tell there 


was something odd about chem, even 
the 

We've got company,” I said. 

Irene peered in the direction of my 


point. 
Look, everybody, 
got company!" 
erybody looked, just as she had 
asked them to. 

“What the hell is this?” asked Carl 


" she cried, “we've 


“Don't they know this is my private 
property?" And then he laughed 
fantasies about owning 


thi ng power. Now and then 
he got drunk enough to have little 
flashes of believing he was king of the 
world. 

You tell "em, Carl!" said Horace. 
lorace had sparkling quips like that 
for almost every occasion. He was tall 
and bald and he had а huge Adams ap- 
ple and, like myself, he worked for Carl 
I would have felt sorrier for Horace than 
1 did if I hadn't had а sneaky suspicion 
that he was really happier when grovel- 
ted one scrawny fist and shook 


it,” he shouted. 
e property!” 

"Will you shut up and stop being such 
Mandie asked him. “It's not po: 
lite to yell at strangers, dear, and this 
may damn well be their beach, for all 
you know. 

Mandie happens to be Horace's wife. 
Horace’s children treat him about thc 
same way. He busied himself with zip- 
ping up his windbreaker, because it was 
getting cold and because he had re- 
ceived an order to be quiet. 

1 watched the two approaching figures. 
Опе was tll and bulky, and he moved 


his tower 

“They're heading straight for 
said. 

The combination of the cool wind that 
had come up and rhe approach of the 
two strangers had put a damper on our 
little group. We sat quietly and watched 
them coming doser. The nearer Феу 
got. the odder they looked. 

"For hea id Irene. "The 
little one’s wi 
K it's made of paper, 
ating, “folded newspaper." 
“Will you look he on the 
big bastard?" asked Carl. "I don't think 


I've ever seen a bigger bush in my life.” 
“They remind me cf someth 1 


said. 
The others turned to look at me. 


The Walrus and the Carpenter . . . 


"hey remind me of the Walrus and 
the Carpenter.” I said. 


Phe who?" asked Mandie 

Don't tell me you never heard al the 
Walrus and the Carpenter?” asked Carl. 
Never once.” said Mandic- 
Disgusting,” said Carl “You're an 
uncultured bitch. The Walrus and the 
arper е probably two of the most 
famous characiers in literature. They re 


a poem by Lewis Carroll e of the 
Alice books." 

“In Through the Looking Glass," | 
said. and then 1 recited their 
duction: 


“The Walrus and the Carpenter 
Were walking close at hand; 

They wept like anything to sce 
Such quantities of sand . 


M 

Well, yo to excuse my 
ignorance concentrate on my 
charm," she said 


1 don't know how to break this to you 
all,” said Irene, “but the little one docs 
ave a handkerchief.” 

We stared at them. The little one did. 
decd, have а handkerchief, a huge 


ttle one supposed to be the 
Carpenter?" asked Mandie. 

"Yes; 1 said. 
hen it's all right," she said, “because 
he's the one that’s carrying the saw. 
He is, so help me, God," said G 
"And, to make the whole thing perlect 
he's even wearing an 
So the Carpenter poem ha 
wear au apron, right?" asked Mandi 

"Carroll doesn't say whether he docs 
or not,” E said, “but the illustrations by 
'enniel show him wearing onc. They 
also show him with the same square jaw 
and the same big nose this guy's got.” 

“They're goddamn doubles,” said 
Carl. “The only thing wrong is that the 
Walrus isn't а walrus, he just looks like 
one." 

“You watch,” said Mandie. "Any min 
ute now, he's going to sprout fur all over 
and grow long fang 

Then, for the first time, the 
proaching pair noticed us. It seemed 1o 
give them quite a мап. They stood a 
gaped at us and the litle one furtively 
stuffed his handkerchief out of sighi 

“We can't be as surprising as all th 
shispered Irei 
The big one beg: 
then, t, ten nd ol 
shuffle. The little one edged ahead, too, 
but he was careful to keep the bulk of 
his companion between himself and us 

act with the al 
1 Irene and Horace. pi 
1 didn't respond. 1 1 
n that I. was going to quit 
working for Carl, that I didn't 
these people about me, except, maybe. 
(continued on. page 112) 


idi 


moving forward 


hesi 


inst 
Mandie, 


con 


id come 


WISE CHILD 


fiction By JOHN WYNDHAM 


so what if they called it a crackpot idea; they would change their tune when the tests proved him right 


оң. sotway folded his napkin, put it 
neatly beside his place and rose from th 
table, leaving his wife and his assistant 
still seated. there. 

“1 think FI pui 
the lab," he a 
room. 

"[ust"—said Helen Solway—'just as 
if he didn't always ‘put in an hour or 
two’ every evening.” 

"The assistant looked at her for a mo- 
ment, then, with a little shake of his 


n an hour or two in 
jounced as he left the 


head. 
now." 

Helen Solway frowned. 

"Oh, no, Marcell Not as bad as that, 
surely?’ 

“But yes, I think. We have big row 
this afternoon. He is much—how you 
say—bouleversé? Is not first time, you 
know, but is more serious.” 

“Oh, dear. Marcel, why can't you be 
more tactful with him?” 

The assistant. shrugged. 


“He is annoy I think I get sack 


“Is not matter for tact—is time for 
truth." 

"You don't mean you've lost faith in 
his work—in his ideas?" 

"Non, non." The yc 
shake was emphatic. 
Is proved. But zi 
prehensive hand— 
setup, now. Is too little. No good.” 

He paused, 

“Aussi,” he went on, “is nor good for 
me—for me (continued оп page 175) 


ا 
memoir BY LUCIUS BEEBE ЖЕТЕ‏ 
GOLDEN АСЕ‏ 
OF MOBILE‏ 
GASTRONOMY‏ 


the late connoisseur of restaurants and railroads 


recalls when the two combined to transform 
a train trip into an epicurean delight 


WHEN THE CONTENTED PASSENGER, dined to repletion on The 
King’s Dinner aboard the altogether remarkable Panama 
Limited of the Illinois Central Railroad between Chicago and 
New Orleans, pushes back his liqueur glass that has lately 
contained Cointreau, dips his fingers in warm, lemonscented 
water in a silver finger bowl upon a candlelit table and lights 
up а postprandial Don Diego to relax in well-upholstered 
gustatory comfort, he will be among the last residual legatees 
to one of the noblest of American inheritances: a good dinner 
on the steamcars. There аге only a prideful handful of trains 
now in operation where this pleasant practice can be enjoyed 
with all its old-time amenities intact, where once throughout 
the length and breadth of the land men gloried and drank 
deep aboard trains of ineffable splendor. But it is an in- 
heritance honestly come by, for once, in a period known to 
students of surface transport as the belle époque of overland 
travel, the best food in America was served aboard the name 
trains of the land. This is not an idle phrase or glittering 
generality; it can be attested to by the record and the sworn 
testimony of living men and women and, furthermore, it 
obtained when such temples of gastronomy as the Waldorf 
Astoria in New York, the Antlers in Colorado Springs and the 
Palace in San Francisco were in fullest culinary flower to 
supply competition. For perhaps three splendid decades, 
Americans ate better on the cars than they did anywhere else. 
Qualitatively and quantitatively, they put away a superb 


ILLUSTRATION BY HARLAN SCHEFFLER 


Pe 


BAA EE IZ 
г 222 


2 


comestibles, gorgeously confeded, lovingly 
served and generally regarded as the finest achievement of the 
industry that was for the better part of the 19th Century the 
preoccupation of the American people. 

"The King’s Dinner on the Panama Limited, while unique in 
ample components and majesty of dimension, is by no 
ns the whole diningear story today. A knowing traveler 
who has the good judgment to eschew the plastic swill-pail 
devisings of the airlines can do very well, indeed, aboard the 
New York Сеп! * Twentieth Century Limited, the Great 
Northern's Empire Builder or any of the Fred Harvey diners 
of the far-reaching Santa Fe. Also well spoken of are the 
Northern Pacific's North Coast Limited, the Baltimore & 
Ohio's Capitol Limited and the Florida streamliners of thc 
Seaboard Air Line. These happy few, however, are but a 
token survival where once hundreds of trains rolled gloriously 
on their occasions in the aroma of terrapin Maryland and 
broiling antelope steaks, where the wine cards were of bed- 
sheet size and dinner was an event. Partly the decline of 
errant gastronomy is attributable to the patrons who ride the 
cars as well as to the carriers that maintain them. Once there 
were men to match the menus, men to whom six courses was 
an acceptable snack if, as on the Baltimore & Ohio's Royal 
Blue trains to Washington, the dollar dinner embraced both 
lobster newburg and porterhouse steak. 

Let us glance in admiring retrospect at a sagacious traveler 


assortment of 


of the year 1895 aboard the Southern Pacific's truly resplend 
ent Sunset Limited as it crosses the Texas vastness at the 
breakfast hour. In today's calorie-conscious wasteland of 
gastronomy, it would be a rare and perhaps suspect passenger 
who would ask to be served three manhattan cocktails at eight 
in the morning; but at the time of which we write, it was a 
commonplace practice, noted in bellesletres by Mark Twain 
and assiduously observed by him. No sissified fruit juices were 
included in the brea 4 menus of that abundant age, а 
though our voyager might well have a large plate of fresh 
Ark: strawberries fl ig in double-thick cream before 
getting to work on an order of sweetbreads financière, а 
mushroom omelet, broiled sage-fed prairie chicken and a stack 
of little thin hou cakes, all served to the accompaniment of 
a boule of what was usually at that time listed as “breakfast 
wine" and turned out to be Mumm's Cordon Rouge, at just 
three dollars the bottle. АП the can 
for breakfast. with champagne and Rhine wine predominating 
In the closing decades of the last century. our hero was en 
countered on all name trains, and his luncheon and dinner 
conduct was of a piece with his breakfast requirements. He did 
himself proud in the diner three times a day; and if he was a 
regular patron of the road or perhaps a consequential shipper, 
financier or Senator, the steward had no hesitation about 
telegraphing ahead for a dozen or so fresh Maine lobsters or a 
ten-pound fillet of buffalo. Let us attend our well-heeled and 


rs listed wines suitable 


127 


ng traveler, not upon any such 
preliminary skirmish as had. been repre- 
sented by the slender breakfast mentioned 
above but on an occasion of gustatory 
moment; that is to say, dinner, а meal 
ions on which both the man- 
id the ultimate consumer were 
prepared to spare по pains. 

Shown to his table, commanding a 
fine view of plins and 
ough its broad picture w 
of the world spreads the skirts of his 
gray traveling frock coat across the bro 
caded chair, negotiates some extra slack 
in the gold Albert watch cl 
waistcoa 


"el 


n across his 


. smooths his consiabul 


taches with sweeping assuranc 
ip the menu, which approximates in 
the vast linen napkin he has just unfurled 
and whose typography is a miracle of the 
printers expertise. In the beginning. 
there will be an assortment of shellfish, 
preferably oysters—lynnhavens or tuits 
in the the West 
Coast. At evening in the heartland of 
the continent on the granger roads such 
as the Burlington, Alton and U 
Pacific, there will be a profusion of fresh 
sealood. Ask not how its freshness is as 
sured in an ape innocent of scientific re. 
frigeration. There will be [resh mountain 
trout on General William Jackson Palm 
er's Denver & Rio Grande, lobster new- 
burg on the eifulgent Baltimore & Ohio 


irose Lake whitefish on the Santa 

Fe rolling westward out of Chicago. 
There will be soup. It was an age 
r presupposed a full u of 


mulligatawny, mock 
e. clam chowder, lobster bisque or 
Philadelphia pepper pot. Ignoring, for 
the moment, the cold dishes that usu- 
ally included. pressed. beef, corned. beef, 
aspic of salmon and sliced pork, our 
pasenger of the period will have at a 
variety of game and entrees that to- 
days Colony Restaurant in New York 
or Jack & Ch would be hard 
put to match: the conventional 


tur 


all 
steaks—excepting only the minute cut, 


which hadı 
beef 


"t been «d—chops and 
and chicken, supplemented 
apin, ruddy duck, 
potted pigeon with mush- 
me pité en gelte, broiled quail 
on venison ragout, capon with 
egg sauce and saddle of Colorado mut. 
ton with capers. For dessert there was 
Neapolitan ice cream, sultana roll, Ch 
pague jelly, Malaga grapes, California 
pears, Edam cheese and fresh figs. 
Anybody with an eye to [reel 
the Eighties and Ni 
been well advised to tra 
Imost 


rooms, p. 


n. 


ng 
eties would have 
vel on Chr 


ag up a Christmas dinner on 
the house, some of which compared f. 

vorably with such renowned yuletide 
collations as those furnished forth at 
s Hotel in School Street, Boston, 


almer's eye-popping cara 
icago. The Chicago $ 
a at the time was а Van 
. and the free Christmas din 
ner recorded aboard ‘The North Western 
Limited [or 1896 suggested the grand 
manner of its owning Гапшу. It was also 
very American, though with overtones of 
Charles Dickens, Aside from the conve! 

tional oysters in stew. on the half shell 
and broiled with bacon, the ШП 
cluded roast young bear, be 
Maryland coon with Mephisto 
broiled roe deer, mallard duck, 
nose. leg of elk, buffalo 
k, sweetbreads financière, grilled 

Vermont turkey. terrapi 

1 an unthinkable luxury that 
rated listing as a separate course: fresh 
hothouse asparagus, with drawn butter, 


and at Potter 


gelée, 


prairie h 
stew 


on toast. After all this, the obvious 
dessert was English plum pudding in 
flaming brandy sauce: but if anybody 


were still hungry, there were mince, 
apple and. peach pies baked on board, 
rum pudding, cabi 
candied gi 
he that 
American railroad travel in th 
beginning roughly in the 1880s and con- 
tinuing down to the time of the 1914 
War had its inspiration directly and un- 
cquivocally in the "floxüng palaces” of 
the Mississippi river talic, whose pas- 
sengers had by now been absorbed 
most in their entirety by the steamears. 
Aboard the antebellum river packets, 
American had encountered 
their first heady experience with public 
luxury. After the Civil War and until the 
closing decades of the century, these 
magnificent steamers, awash with Gothi 
rich furnishings, crystal schande- 
liers, plate-glass mirrors, Turkish carpets, 
potted palms and, above all, an ex- 
plicit ostentation of eating and drinking, 


characterized 


period 


travelers 


travel. “As beautiful as a steamboat” has 
survived in the language as а tribute to 
their hold on the public im; 
as much of the traffic сате to be di- 
verted to the railroads in the 1870s, so 
did many of the more voluptuous amen 
s of luxury and convenience, 

As they were placed in service, the 
more mature devisings of George Mor- 
icr Pullman. Webster Wagner and the 
ders of the age came о be 
асе Cars"—and they were 
just that. Diners, sleeping cars апа pub- 
lounges rejoiced in richly ornate 
woodwork, the craftsmanship of Black 
Forest artisans in the famous "Marque- 
try Room" at the Pulli 
glass appeared in clerestory and win- 
dow Gothic: and there were plush, 
velour and cut-velvet upholstered 
chairs, berths and ns. Bevel-edged 
French mirrors reflected the images of 
wellfed and self-satisfied patrons. Diffi- 
dent females aboard the parlor cars 


other carbi 
known as “Pa 


n shops. Stained. 


rm- 


guished amid thickets ol | 
rubber- plants. Name mains were stalled 
with) valets, n lady's maids. 
libi 


Licurists, 


room waiters 
Even the ui s of train crews as 
sumed overtones af the grandiose. Con 
the Wagner sleeping c 
Tor his money 

1899 wore white-kid gloves and 
acoats with shoulder capes 

п scarlet, All conductors of impor 
псе wore beautifully cut tail coats (blue 
inter, pewlgray in summer) and 
sported boutonnicres. Eve about 
road travel bespoke style and 
ions of class disti 

a democracy. Going first-class. beca 
preoccupation of the American. people 
and the trains they rede reflected thei 
pleasure and pride in rich devisings and 
luxuries theretofore available only in the 
private homes of the very well to do. 
Occupants of the coaches forward were 
prevented by locked compartments from 
niruding on their betters in Pullman. 
The most glittering showcase for rai 
road style was the dining car. Here 
the carbuilders’ expertise reached new 
heights of rococo splendor in the form 
of mahogany paneling, rare inlaid 
marquetry and fluted columns from Ho 


а 


duras, iphting fi 
tures, rich table linen amd napery and 
silver services from Shreve in San Fran 


and Tifany in New York. The 
ssic standard of comparison was Del 
monico's, aud the holy name of this resort 
of fas h ample justifi- 
cation in the way wavelers dined as they 
rolled over mountain and prairie. 

Generally speaking, the greatest con 
centration of deluxe was on the trans 
continental runs where, until the faster 
limiteds of the 1920s and. 1930s, passen 
gers between Chicago and Cali 
lived aboard the cars for three da 
nights. It was а trip comparable 
nd of but little less duration than, an 
Atlantic crossing: via Cunard or White 
Star, and its amenities were almost. as 
grand. 

Throughout the Ninetie 
universal standard of culi 

п thc United State: 
e dollar dinner on the 


‚ the almost 
ry excellence 
ted by 
rvelously от 
nd comfortably upholstered d 
cars of the gr ers of the Land. 
Whether one rode between New York 
and Washington the Baltimore 
Ohio's Royal Blue tains or to 
Кез crack Californi 
Limited, a silver dollar got the best of 
everything, and tip to the 
dexterous i 
the donor a 


E 


5 repre: 


ii 


c 


on 


li 
fornia on the San 


two-bit 


ssipp 
yland, softshell crabs and 
(continued on page 197) 


terrapin М 


У 
5 
2 
5 
= 
Б 
5 
ES 
S 


6230] 949))02 мчәшәриә2 
тә] os poy aay бут 
puvisuapun juno аці [, 


“ 


Ribald Classic 68 french lesson trom the "Heptaméron" of Margaret of Navarre 


an, and 
10 o m came Bonnivet, a visiting Frenchman, 
all silk, beard and lasciviousnes. Like a hunter on the 
trail, he moved among the dancers with a stealthy 
сай and a scanning cy 
rooted to the parquet—he had a beast 


until he suddenly stopped, 


view 

It was surcly the lovelicst beast of the Lombardy 
plain, а dark-haired, dark-eyed beauty in green velvet. 
Bonnivet stalked her carefully; he approached her 
with sweet, baited words. But the prey was both quick 
ind proud. She'd have nothing to do with Bonnivet, 
ul there were three good reasons: husband, lover and 
a decided distaste for the French. 
lly excuses,” he thought, bowing and saying 
adicu—bun to her back: the Таду was ly moving 
ой. Te was a chase requiring st Bonnivet 
returned to his quarters to plar 

Her ridiculous prejudice against the French was of 
no consequence: ignorance disappears with the proper 
kind of sentimental education. So Bonnivet concerned 
himself with buying wine for such gossips as he en- 
countered aud asking careful questions about the 
husband and about Rinaldo, the lover. He was charmed 
to find out (hat the former was so aged that he had 
long since lost the key to wedlock and that the later 
was so young and shy that he couldn't have known how 
to fit it, Bonnivet, changing the figure, fore 
The all would be potage de canard for him. No— 
perhaps in Haly one ought to say chicken cacciatore. 

He ball, in- 
gratiated himself, sympathized with the fellow's unsuc 
cess and ollered French h 
techniques. R Sigh close to her 
ear, Sirip her n 
was even slightly ashamed of himself for expau 
such clementary lessons. 

Rinaldo went away with 
overwhelmed. with success. 
smiled and touched his h: 
pared, "Tonight at midnigl 

But—Rinaldo turned pale at the thought what i 
he failed when he got there? “You have taught me the 
art of stalking, Frenchman, but you have said. nothing 
about the methods of the kill!” 

Bonnivet smiled and once again admired the superb 
perfection of his own plan. “Listen,” he said, and bent 
close to Rinaldo's car. For half an hour, he lectured 
in detail as the astonished and grateful suitor listened. 

Then t back to his quarters and shaved 
off his bead, ending up with Rinaldo's smooth, boyish 


w a feast: 


contrived to meet. Rinaldo at another 


advice on the latest tin, 


aldo was dazzled 


cdl with your eyes. Re bold. Bonnivet 


ling 


he retired 
d listened and 
ly had w 


nnivet we 


look. "But how do I smell like an Italian?“ Bonnivet 
reflected. Seized with inspiration, he bathed in olive 
oil and rose from his bath shiny beyond recognition 
While Rinaldo was sitting in his house, humming a 
canzone and trying to remember all his instructions, 
Bonnivet was stealing through the darkened corridors 
of the lady's house. Once in her room, he blew out the 
candle immediately and bega 

But you are an hour carly! 
the bed. 

“L couldn't contain myself, carissima,” he 
soon proved what he meant 

Tallyho and view halloo, it was a spectacular demon 
station of Gallic virtuosity. Bonnivet played. every 
wick, practiced every ardent device invented. in hi 
fertile country. But the lady? The lady, astor 
overcome, thought it was something lik 
renaissance, She felt as if she were dropped from the 
"Tower of Pisa from the pinnacle of Saint 
Marks, deluged һу the fountains of the Villa d'Este, 
raised to paradise with Dante—or run over by the 

it white Arabian stallions and the gilt coach of the 
Duke of Palermo. 


to undress, 


came her voice from 


id, and 


Even the magnificent. Bonnivet ew a little cx 
hausted And time was growing short. As he slipped 
from the bed, he wl н the lady's car, "Рон, 


un leçon en francais, chevie. 


“What? What?” she asked. And, a few minutes Euer, 
when Rivaldo slipped into the room: “Are you back 
so soon? 

Rinaldo took Bonniver's place it was soon 


s far from able to fill it. Somehow, 
the instructions hed had Irom his master turned out to 
be all the wrong things. As he fumbled, the lady said. 
“Oh! What are you doing, you idiot? Be cueful! My. 
how you have changed!" Finally, she sprang out ol 
bed and lighted the candle—and looked at Rinaldo’s 
red face. 


obvious that he w 


She began to understand, "Do you speak any 
French?” she demanded. 
What а question,” he said. "No, not а wort.” 
“Mon dicu,” she said, realizing now what had hap: 


pened. “Vive la France! Begone, you wretchel Haliant" 


The next day, Bonnivet heard the scandalous rumor 
about the ус 
vned by 
stairs, When asked what he thought of it, Bonnivet 
shook hi vely “Incroyable, Such 
things never happen in my own counuy, But then, 
everyone in my country. speaks. French." 

—Retold by Robert McNear EB 


bedroom. 
п the 


wrons 


ac 


amber pot and pushed do 


head. ind said. 


cou 


131 


PLAYBOY 


132 to provide the p 


AMERICA’S INVISIBLE GOVERNMENT 


and the House of Representatives. 


The CIA, however, is accountable 
only to an informal committee. known 
as the Special Group. consisting of the 


Director of the CLA, the Deputy Under- 
secretary of State for Political Affairs, the 
Secretary and Deputy Secretary of Defe 
and two Presidential representatives. 
They meet about once a week and make 
1 decisions affecting our 
secret policy abroad—all in the most 
informal way. There is no regular consul- 
tation with objective experts outside the 
Special Group. АШ the regular forms of 
democratic control ате absent. The СТА, 
as Ser jority Leader Mike М 
field pointed out as far back as 1956 
free from practically every ordinary К 
of Ci al check and scrutiny, € 
trol of its expenditures is exempted fr 
the provisions of the law that prevent 
financial abuses in other Government 
agencies. Its appropriations are hidden in 
allotments to other agencies. A few years 
ago. 34 other Senators joined Mansfield 
in sponsoring a resolution calling for a 
joint Congressional Committee on the 
Central Intelligence Agency. None of 
these 31 Senators, nor Mansfield, nor 
myself, is insensitive to the СТАУ need 
for secrecy. What disturbs us is secrecy 
Tor хестесуз sake. The Mansfield resolu 
tion was defeated in the Senate. And so 
yy reetly learn anything 
about the CIA operation—not. what it 
does, nor what it coss, not how efficient 
it is, not even when it succeeds or when 
it fails—until it is too late to make any 
useful judgment. 

If the record of the СТА were more 
impressive and more in keeping with our 
offially expressed. foreign. policy, there 
might be les reason for conce 


se 


many of the auc 


haps those of us whose natural suspi- 
cions have been aroused would not have 
been пуй 


—in every one of the 


хелло secure 


control. over 
ever, the CIA has. not only sent men 
who are little more than adventurers to 
dabble in underground plots and m 
neuverson foreign soil but has also ended 
up aiding just those rightwing regimes 
showiug the least in common with our 
publicly announced democratic objec 
tives. In other instances, the CIA has 
simply led us through а maze of shad- 
owy political cloak- 
tion, result 


gger obfusca- 
naking fools of 
ourselves the eyes of the entire world. 

Fake the Bay of Pigs 
Cuba. И would be painful and futile to 
delve into that complex fiasco at this late 
date except as an object lesson in stupid 
ity and international policial failure. As 
the full story came out, it was appalling 
to learn how thoroughly all the sis 
were confounded—the lack of coordina- 
tion, the waste of manpower, the failure 
sed umbrella. of 


з our 


invasion. of 


als 


(continued from page 97) 


bombers over the beaches as the Cuban 
freedom fighters made their Tandir 
The late President John F. Kennedy gal- 
lantly took the blame for the Bay of Pigs 
disaster, “Iam the responsible ollicer of 
the Government,” he said; but it was 
phin by that time how di 
faulty had been the information he was 
given before the April 1961 landings, 


how ill-advised he had been by both the 
CIA 


and his military strategi 
naged the whole ай 
ing 10 end, largely by 
fter all, the CIA had virtually 
nteed that the invasion of Cuba 


couldn't overthrow the Са 
immediately, the invading exiles were 
supposed 10 be able to reach the moun- 
tans and operate as a trained. guerrilla 
force. As it Ч out, the guerrilla bri- 
le had undergone no guerrilla training 
nd had no guerilla plan. They were 
taught only the techuiques of amphibi- 
ous landings and infantry assault tactics. 
The CLA not only deceived the President 
se: the people of the United 
re also deceived, and quite de- 
Some devious mind in the 
CIA cooked up the idea of whee 
R26 bomber out on a Central Ame 
landing strip. peppering it with ma 
gun bullets and getting an exiled Cuban 
pilot named Mario Zuniga то fly over 
Miami with а in a prop: 
After the first air strike against Castro's 
Cuba, Zuniga was to claim that mem- 
bers of Castros air force turned. their 
own planes against the dictator and 
bombed his bases. This story was 
palmed off on the American public 
through the American press, and Ami 
sudor enson was supplied with 
CIA prop: that was false. Relying 
on its truth, he was subjected to hum 
tion in the United Nations. He disp! ayed 
phs of Zuniga’s bullerridden 
plane as alleged proof that defecting С 
bans had staged the bombing on their 
own initiative ошу to learn that he had 
been misinformed, in Гаа, duped, by 
CIA ollicials and others. This highly 
honorable statesman should never have 
been deceived by the СТА. Yet as far as 
is known, there were no resultant dis 
misal or shake-ups at or near the top 
of the CIA hierarchy. The CIA con- 
coated and conducted. ui 
tion. Ci 


whole opera- 
a exile commanders reported 
even if President Kennedy 
had called olf the invasion, they 
ta go ahead, pret 
throw the CIA men who m 
them, in the smug expectation that. the 
full might of our military would back 
them up against Castro, It seems evident 
they had been assured of this. 

Jt is equally distasteful to recall the 
U-2 incident seven years ayo thar wrecked 
a summit conference with the Soviet Un- 


were 


apologists for the CIA point out 
y the very nature of its operations, 

posible for the Agency to have 
the sort of public relations available то 
other branches of Government. They 
“cannot talk" about cither their failures 
or their successes; they cannot put out 
pres releases explaining or justify 
what they have done. Like the heroes in 
the spy movies, they 
mouths shut, even under ihe tor 
public c n. 

“Until we have world stability." said 
an unnamed high-ranking veteran of the 
СТА recently, “our Government is going 
to have to have intelligence and i is 
10 have t0 be on a world-wide 
There is no pkice we don't need 
ion.” 
who advocate Congressional con- 
trol have no quarrel with this. We do not 
object to the surreptitious collection of 
information by intelligence agents. In 
this space age of change and challenge 
with its Cold War and highly developed 
methods of espionage, coumtcrespionage 
and one questions the 


тим. keep their 
re of 


subversion, no 
need lor secrecy in intelligence activities. 
But cnfolded in its nebulous cloud of 
secrecy, the CIA has played too largi 
part in the making of our foreign policy. 
It has assumed responsibilities that were 
heretofore solely those of the President 
ress. Its officials have squan- 
s money. Payments of 
М) per month for U-2 pilot Powers 


à 


and certain unemployed reservist Na 
tional Gua seemed customary 
When spies and adventurers are given 


power 10 make decisions more appropri 
ше do statesmen, democracy is in trou 
ble. Unfortunately, the record of the 
CIA proves this in one incident 
another. 

In Burma in the 19505, our ambassii 
dor, William J. Sebald, ound his author 
ity loud and ignored by СТА operators, 
who compired w keep 12,000 Natio: 
troops on Bury 
our паз do 


alist Chinese эс ать 
despite the 
Burmese Government that they would Тау 
down their arms, These т 
only endangered our relat 
but 


tory, assu 


arm пецуегз nor 


s with Bur 
contributed to the decision of 


seized. the 
coup 


^ when he 


bloodless five 


government in a 
years ago, to move his nation to the left 
In Indonesia, an American pilot was 
shot down after he bombed and strafed 
an аймтїр on Ambon island on instruc 
tions from the CIA, which was secretly 
supporting a rebellion against President 
Sukarno. The incident helped turn the 
county at that t inst the whole 
concept of democracy. 
In Laos, the СТА supported. General 
Vosavan and his royalist army 
years—one of the many instances in 
which this private ted wing of 
our Government has put its money and 
(continued on page 151) 


attire 


By ROBERT L GREEN 


a colorful call to arms 
for the hot times ahead 


This summer, the cool ap- 
proach to outdoor casualwear 
will be supported by а strong 
show of arms. Heading for the 
hills with a close friend, the 
voung man has donned a fully 
lined sleeveless suede vest with 
snap-tront closures, back yoke 
and snap side tabs, by Robert 
Lewis, 520. It is coordinated 
with his muted Me 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALEXAS URBA 


пк BARTENDER put his thick hand over 

the telephone. 

You have a guest at the desk, Mr. 

Braden,” he said. "А Mr. Nichols 
“Have Tony bring him up 

Braden said 


g the gentleman up." the bar 
er said softly. He let the phone slip out 
of his hand into its с 

Arthur Braden stared 
Floating on its cry 
perfect, he counted, not co 
globes of essence of 
So there you are,” he hi 
chols say. behind him. 
"Here Eam," he s 
these, Peter, if you will, 
ender. 
I might want something else," Nich- 
ols sa 


The bartender flailed the ice, gin and 
vermouth with his long silver spoon, 
pounding it. The stuff bubbled and 
clouded under his beating, frost built on 
He poured it. 

he said. 

rly Nichols said. He tast- 


ed. "Very nice,” he said 
: Arthur B “A 
He took 
[a 


thirty in the 
ud a man comes r 


th Avenue. He 


ing into 
s past the cos- 


gloves, the whatthe-hell, an 
the start him, 
‚ he slides in. It's full, what else, 


es rushing to spend a dollar, 
¢ got to hate him, making them 
arc, fat, loaded, eager, 
10 get rid of the stuff. 
п. The kid run- 
door and hits 
starts up. The guy is 
‚ facing the wrong 
¢ creepy dames, 
e looking at him. He sp 
well wonder. he says, ‘why I 
have called you together this morning.” ” 
Funny," Marty Nichols said. 
too, may well wonder, 
you well may." 
Nichols said 
here bele 


he elevator 


the button and 


Braden 


"I wonder." 
Braden 


id. “This is not, if 


ту g so, а young 
man’s club А 

Truc,” Braden sa Phe tone here 
is, D suppose, security, and luxury. You 
will note that we are on the third floor 


of the building when we are this 


fiction By KARL PRENTISS 


it was а fine club—exclusive, dignified, comfortable—and those 
torpedoes sitting in the corner made it a very nice place to do business 


YOU MAY WELL WONDER, MARTY 


room, shielded from the noise, the de 
bris, the hazards of the street; you will 
have mai the soothing gloom. the old 
leather, the old oak, old wool under our 
fect, old plaster on the ceiling. And, of 
course, the other thing: no one in the 
room, unless, like you, he's a guest, spent 
fewer than five y ting for the 
right to sign a chit ac this bar. Albright, 


wi 


sometimes, as perhaps in my own case, it 
helps if ones father was а member. 
“Thats what 1 said.” Nichols said 


“Its not a young man's dub." 

"Yes," Braden said. "You said that.” 
He drank off his martini and slowly 
slid the glass to the bars inner edge. 
“My other guests may be in the market, 
100, Peter," he said. 

"Right Mr, Braden,” the bartender 
said. He looked toward the waiter, old, 
bored, at the the bar, and 
twitched his eyes or nodded, or did 

iptic or telepathic, and the 
waddled to ble in the 
4 waddled bı ith empty 


clbow of 


glasses on his little о 
“Tw 


id. 
shoulder. 
is for 


bourbons," he s: 


Is looked over h 
"You don't buy maru 
body?" he said 
"Not for everybody.” Bı aid. 
"Do I get an opportunity to meet 
your other friends?” Nichols said. 


eve 


to 
them my friends is to use the term 
Bener, perhaps, t0 call the 
my Temporary associates, 1 
should say. ] don't know what term у 
young fellows usc, but in my generation. 
years ago, you know, back there when 
Harding was ii 

“AML right, Art, Б 
“you can let me up now. I take it back. 
So, it’s а young man's club, and Tm a 
creep, and not good enough to get put 


изени 


hols said, 


up for it, much less clecied, and L was 
ing it into you, and I take it back 
Know there isnt that much 


spread between us, Pm thirty-four, will 
be anyway next month, and you, you're 
hi or so, : 


“You 


in well Em. fifty.” 


Braden sid. "You told me so, three 
боз ago, at tenforyfive in the 
morning, in your own goddamn office. 
‘You're fifty, Art’ you told me, ‘and, if 


you'll forgive my be 
too old, tired 
team, and you're too old, tired and be. 
up 1 ВМ down a hot cighteeninch 
ich, if it comes 1o ths 
ly acana 


nd be: 


space on the be 
That is, Т 


PLAYBOY 


136 


again, all right, ГЇЇ say it again. That's 
just the way it is. IUs got nothing to do 
with you and me, I mean, as friends or 
anything. It's just the way things are. 
Hat's business. That's life, if you want 
it that way. 
s I was saying, before you got off on 
your philosophy,” Braden said, “about 
my associates in the corner, in my own 
time, back there decades before you were 
bom, we used to call them torpedoes. I 
don't know what you young fellows call 
them, but in my time, as I recall it, the 
term was torpedo, and that's what I call 
them. Basically they are assassins, al- 
though they will undertake, for lower 
fees, lesser assignments, beatings, maim- 
ings, and so forth. What are they doing 
here, in this old men's club? Why have I 
called you all together this noon? You 
may well wonder. The facts ave simple. 1 
wish to talk with you about something. 
And while I am talking with you, 1 wish 
my associates to learn t0 know you, so to 
speak. The blond one has already made 
three or four profiles of you with hi 
little black Minox. Also he has an excel 
lent memory. Both my associates have 
excellent visual memories. It is a profes- 
sional trait, one might say.” 

“1 think you're stoned, Art,” Nichols 


toned I am, somewhat, somewhat,” 
Braden said, "but no more than some 
nd by no means to the point 
where I'm dreaming anything up. You 
are indeed looking 
torpedoe 


t a pair of veritable 
and they are looking at you, 
At nobody else. Just you." 


don't see what good this whole bit 
cin do you," Nichols said. "So you get 
me bumped ой—1 believe that was the 
term, in your day?—because I fired you? 
And you tell me about it in advance, so 
Г can be quite sure you go to the chair 
for it 7 bright? This is p'anning? 
I'm beginning to think you should have 
been dumped five years ago, not ninety 
days ago." 

Braden laughed. "You are confused," 
he sid. "You are under a strain, and 
your brain box circuitry is reflecting it. 
You have jumped to a conclusion, and it 
onc. The function of my 
there 
10 bump you off, a 
fired me. No. T 


is an erroncou 


¢ you 
ir function is merely 
what I said it was: to get to know you. 
after we have had нше 
‚ You аге going to be sore at me. You 
might even be tempted to have me re- 
moved from the scene, although that 
would be unwise, because of certain docu- 
mentations that would inevitably s 
vive me. But, you sec, Marty, pal, 1 want 
you to know that if 7 should be removed 
from the scene, you are as good as gone. 
As a matter of fact, from this moment 
on, you have a very strong interest i 


health, in my wellbeing. Your position 
is, unhappily, hazardous. 1 mean, sup- 
pose Lam walking along the street and. 
cornice falls off а building and dents me, 
fatally. This would be very bad for you, 
Marty, very bad, even though at the 
time you were on the th tee at Mead- 
ow Brook. However, as you said yourself 
a few minutes ago, there is nothing. per- 
sonal in it, it is just business, This m 
make it 
may not. I don't know. 
Nichols took a big sip of his martin 
He peered thoughtfully into the gh 
“Well,” he said, “since it’s such a big day 
for announcing future plans, ГИ tell you 


what my pl: I'm going to walk 
out of here, and the first cab I see, I'm 
going to the Thirtieth Street. station 


house, and Fm going 10 ask the cops 
kindly to come over here and pinch you 
id your outofdate associates and. put. 
you in a bin somewhere." He slid off the 
bar stool. “Thanks for the drinks, Art.” 
he said. 

Marty, len sid. "Marty, you 
faked the Collins proxies, Also. there 
was never an option from the Hitensile 
outfit in Sweden. prox- 
ies are as wrong as nine dollars Confed- 
crate, and 1 ought to know, because I 
fixed that batch myself.” He smiled. “Si 
down, Marty,” he said. "You look [ 
Kind of gray, like. Have another dri, 

Nichols sat. "You 
Arthur," he said. 
“Don't you wish й, lover? 
said. "Don't you just wish й? 

You're a dedicated, lifelong two-imer, 
Arthur," Nichols said. “Гуе watched 
you lie and heard you, fifty times before 
this, and you're doing it now. 1 know 
you've pulled some deals in your time 
that should have got you twenty years to 
but you didn't pull this onc. АШ 
were checked and you 
е deal, hell, 
that onc——" His voice shut off abruptly. 

Braden laughed. “You know what you 
remind me of, Marty, baby?" he said. 
You reminded me just then of a TV 
commercial when somebody hits it with 
a cutoff button from across the room. 
Cut off dead in the middle, like a slice 
of baloney. Yes. That's very apt. Like a 
slice of. baloney. Only you cut. yourself 
off, And the reason you cut yourself off is 
that you just this minute thought who it 
was set up the Hitensile ded, didn't 
you?’ 

Nichols took what was left of his mar- 
tini, too fast. He got the lemon with it. 

"Sure you did," Braden said. “Jerry 
McAlpine set that one up. And that was 
when he had his coronary, remember? 
And three days later I had to go to Lon- 
don, remember? Why did I 1 
London just then? You may well won- 
der. It was long before you fired me, old 


Braden 


^c to go to 


buddy, but not before you'd had the 
of hring me. Right? Peter, please, 
another couple of servings of cold gin 
nd sce what the boys in the back room 
will have.” 

“The other gentleme 
minutes ago, Mr. Braden, 
iid 


ide 


left а couple 
the bartender 


den looked around. 
Well, never тай 


"So they did 
d, iu 


he said. ir work 


" Nichols said 
"You crawling old creepy son of а 
bitch! You think you're going to run 
home with this one? You arc like hell 
Not this one, by Godt” 

“Life is studded, as it were, with un 
certainties.” Braden said. "One 
really knows. But I will say t 
every conviction that t 
out lo be а Wednesday 
ly convinced th 


and I ат equal 
ailed to 


All right, creep," Nichols said. * 
see. We'll sce. 

“Please check i 
will be disappointed if you don't. Bur 
may I make a suggestion? Do it quiet! 
M; the mo- 
ment only you and I rry Me 
Alpine, up there i 
Olhee In The Sky 
hung on the wall like a picture—a. por 
wait, 1 think, titled, let us say, “The 
Chump.” Just us three old associ 
Мапу. And should any more old ass 
ciates find out, you will be, to put the 
Kindest face on it, unemployed. ] mean, 
you will be unemployed, and unemploy 
able, forever. Oh, I'm not saying every 
door will be closed to you. Some compa- 
nies are less discriminating than others. I 
understand that there are filling stations 
in the Deep South, for example, where a 
man can walk in off the street and catch 
а job pumping gas, and cleaning up the 
johns on the side, without so much as a 
relerence. But anything on a grander 
scale than that, well, Marty, I would зау 
you wouldnt make it. You would be 
thought unsuitable. Not because of your 
age, as 1 have been unsuitable since you 
Писем me into the middle of Nassau 
Sucet on my head, but unsuitable be 
cause you would be reputed to be a 
crook, ап embezzler, а looter of orphans’ 
piggy banks, a fast man with a poor box, 
and in general, a specimen given to 
g into the till. And also bc 
you would have done a little time, like 
five ye 


sweetheart, because a 
nd d 


know th 


craw 


ause 


1s. A terrible picture. I am almost 
ppy when I think of it. 1 would 
sorry for you, Marty, lover. Be on 
rd. Don't let it come to:that." 


wor," Nichols said. 


won't.” 


"Good," Braden said. "You give me 
cart. An apt expression. Because you, 


“This time I won’t 
forget. 
When Ed says 


Scotch,he means 
JohnnieWalker Red. 


JohnnieWalker Red 
JohnnieWalker Red 
JohnnieWalker Red? 


Johnnie Walker Red, so smooth it's the world's largest-selling Scotch. 


[BOTTLED IN SCOTLAND. BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY, B6.8 PROOF. IMPORTED BY CANADA DEY CORPORATION, KEW YORK, NEW YORK 


137 


PLAYBOY 


138 


we know.” 
crap 


yourself, you are all heart 
‘ould we turn of the 
Arthur?" Nichols sa 
lover" Braden said. "You 
ng up? I wouldn't have be- 
when I went home the 
rloue that my 
s of 


now, 


. Why. 


Lean had come to 
couldn't. rest 
her with 


in my е m. telling 
what yet what 
warmth and fervor you had rewarded 
me for making a rich son of h out 
of you, when all your life you had been 
medium-velloff son of a bitch. 
is greatness in Marty Nichols’ I 
told her. And here you are folding up in 
clutch. I3 
should have 
ıs ago. inste 
II say one thing, for you 
Nichols s 
“г ч 


force, 


1 of this noon." 
Arthur,” 
id. “You have a great line of 


For an old man, you mean, Marty," 


Braden sa 
crock, 1 hi 
That’ 
"Em glad 


. eurofdute 
ıt line of стар 


agree with me, finally," 
"Have another cold gin, 
use I am about 
short. strokes," 
how exciting," Nichols said. 
“Yes, we come now to what we used to 
n the good dead old days, the pay- 
«айс expression deriving, аз you 
might suspect, from the word ‘pay’ or 
JO involves. tule, money.” 
шїн it mi; 
Nichols said. 


solvent.” 
“No. Cold gin is the universal solvent, 


Marty.” Braden said. “But in soi Cases, 
money does solve certain problems, and 
it can, I think, solve yours. Of. couse, 
you may well wonder, at this point, how 


much solvent I have in mind. You do 


wonder, ] ima 
“I wonder, А " Nichols said. 
“Well, цз like this" Braden said. 


“I understand that up until last month 
they were practically unknown . . . 


ighted. premises 
of old DD and M, I took with me, as you 
know, and with your blessing, one thou 
sand shares of common and five hundred 


like that in the 
$265,618.14, 
in the stock, 
Right. 
«Пау for vecollecti 


t, all together, of 
Ли? Right And figuring 
lo $506,790.98) 
а 
gures. It is some 
s prided my 
self, You should cultivate it, i 
forgive 


You 


at my 


thing on w 


you will 
dvice from an old hasbeen to a 
youth still striving for his fist fifty merit 
badges. Now, $506,799.87 is a пісе sum, 
but it falls short of complete satis 
‚ One. It is the 
could posi- 
ing me. The 
ad, it fails, 
ting to 
now you will 


ast amount of money yor 
v got away with gi 
This bothers me. Se 
tly $493,200.13, of 
a million dollas. M 
find this hard to believe, but all my life 
J have been convinced —absolutely co 
vinced—that I would retire with a 
lion dollars. Aud Fm short. By 
much.” He tore a bar chit off the pad in 
front of him, turned it over and wrote 
carefully on it 0.13. "Here, Mar- 
ty, old buddy," he said. “7 know you 
don't have my head for figures, so take 
to remind you. That is, as we used 
the old payola. The price.” 

hols took the slip involuntarily, 
held it for a couple of seconds, and 


least 
by e 


mou 


this 


“What you need, n is more 
cold gin. Dutch courage, we used to call 
back there in McKinley's time. 
That's what 

“Goddamn you!" Nichols said. "Will 
you get off my back on that old man 
bit Wall vou, lor Christ: 


"Lower the voice, Braden 
said. “In these precincts, hushed 
tone, the dise 


trol yourself. And pick up the nice piece 
of paper and stult it nicely into your 
nice little wallet, so that you won't lose 
you lose sight of that figur 
you lose sight of something 
your lif 
Nichols picked it up. His hand shook 
а he let it shake. He sured at the 
absurd piece of pape 
the 


her side of й 


"s scrawl. 
t it Like it was your death 
"Take the long 


Nichols said. 
1. "hes just 


“He could be,” 
onsense,” Braden 
piece of commercial paper like any oth 
ег. The world of bu nd 


nance 


no introduction needed... a 


uud THE PANTHER, with sleek two-tone effect, $7.50 
ve 


کس س :ھر ے 
"CR SA AAT‏ 


Z #8 


STERLING SILVER, with bold linkchain, $18.00 


Ee MS. 


LE MANS, with unique French chain, $7.50 THE CATAMARAN, new elegance in two parts, $7 БО 


PLAYBOY 


140 


floats, as you well know, on at sea of com- 
mercial paper: stock certificates, options, 
invoices, bills of lading. payola 
bribes, all t kind of t 
in your hand isn't even a big piece of 
commercial paper. You have seen far 
bigger ones, haven't you, Marty, baby, 
jar bigger ones, and lately, too, right? 

“Yes, Arthur. Bigge 

“OL course you have. And Marty, I 
want to say right now, Fm glad, it makes 
me feel warm all over, that you haven't 
d to me, "Arthur, I can't do this." Be- 
ausc if you said that, if you tried to 
hand те а boyscout con like that, Mar- 
ty, old associate, І would ask Peter here 
lor a bottle of cold gin and I would 
brain you with it. Because if there's one 
thing you can do, you can dec 
on a few more sl 
odds l ends db 
5403,200.13. TI 
tion of my invi 
previously ov ‚ to the house of 
Devlin, Dolan Lean, or, as I be- 
lieve I heard. the other day it would 
shortly be called, the house of Nichols, 
Dolan and MacLean, Horace Devlin 


e me i 


mount to 


es, somehow 


being scheduled for a plankavalking in 
the immediate futu 
"E shove off now, Arthur 
1 
“Tt was a pleasure seeing you again, 
Marty, lover,” Braden said. “Don't for- 
get the litle slip of paper. 
“I won't need it,” Nichols said. "I can 
add and subtract, if 1 have to.” 
“That's good, because you'll have to, 
all right,” Braden said. " "Bye, now. And 
Marty—don't be а long time about 
because there's that matier of my ће 
vou know. 1 don't want that hanging 
over your head. The way | see it, you'll 
have those proxies checked by four this 
afternoon, and the Swedes by noon to- 
morrow, and then you rear back and call 
а quick picnic for your stooges on the 
board, thars ‘Thursday noc 
sign the checks and мий about thre 
hours later and Гуе got it Friday. Right? 
And by Е noon ГЇЇ have spoken to 
my associates, paid them the rest of their 
modest retainer, and released them for 
tics. 


^ Nichols 


иһ, 


d vou 


id 


other opportun 
Nichols walked our of ihe bar. 
“TM have one more, Peter Braden 


“It can't be!" 


said. 
good. 

“You haven't been feeling too well 
ely, T gather, Mr. Braden?” the bar 
ader said. 

“Not too well" Braden said, "But ii 
was а temporary thing. I feel OK now. 1 
lot better." 
jad to hear it 
poured the dris 

“Let me have 
Peter,” Braden s: 
board a m 
loosely on 
his. cigarette 
the bartender's 


They seem to be doing me somc 


the bartender said 


the phone, please 


j ve the swich 
He braced the phone 
his shoulder and opened 
cue. A maich Iared їн 
hand. He nodded 
se,” he 
sud. "He's in c Room." He 
smiled. W пе, he thought, 10 
be the bearer of glad tidings. "Dev." he 
1. "He bought it, of course. He's тип. 
пом like a thief this minute, 
10 check it ош. Thats right. Ме, too. 
Dev. 1 tell you. I'm falling off the chair 
Tm on the Поог, laughing. 1 gave him to 
Friday morning t0 deliver, and don't 
worry, he will. Marty knows the real iron 
when he feels it in his belly. He knows 
when youre kidding. and when you're 
ot. Yes. Beautiful, Bulletproof. А 1c; 


mbe: 


thanks. "Mr. Horace Devlin, plea 
the 


work of art. We can congratulate cach 
other. Thank you. And 1 you, Dev. All 
right, now iake this dow 


Thats right. And half of ul 
right. You're quick. Dev, for 
And I want you to know th: 


n gratitude 
ile deal. 
m going 10 take the six cents, and vou 
те going to have the seven cents. No, 1 
sist, Dev. D absolutely insist. 1 am a 
generous man. You know that. Sure 
You. too. "Bye" 

He motioned away the phone. He 
sighed. There is no satisfaction in Life, 
he told himself, like the skilled exercise 
of one’s God-given talents. Accomplish 
work, alter all, only that way lies 
contentment. 

He reached [or the chit and autos 
cally totaled it. “My friends in the cor 
ner 
1. 
"Thats 
apiece. 
the ub belore, have they? J thought 1 
recognized the dark-haired gentleman.” 


for your invaluable role in this I 
I 


L ошу two. bourbons, Peter?” he 


ight, Mr. Braden. Two 
The gentlemen haven't been 


“You might have.” Braden said, "your 
memory for Faces being what it is, 
They're both on TV now and then.” 

“L see,” the bartender said. 

“They get around," Braden said. "No 
big parts, but they make a diving. You 
know, cowboys, cops, hoods, that kind of 


thing.” 

He stood. He looked at himsell in the 
bar mirror, He liked what he saw. He 
lelt the room, steady on the soft carpet, 


aman deep in thought. He was thinking 
that he would have cold stlmon for 
lunch. 


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Which brings us to our last 
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БЯ 


PLAYEOY 


142 


THE SEA WAS WET 


Irene, and that these two strangers gave 
me the honest creeps. 

Then the big one smiled, 
thing was changed 

Гуе worked in the entertainment field, 
and in public relations. 
ns 1 have come in contact with 
some of the prime charm boys and girls 
in our proud Land. 1 have become, the 
fore, not only а con 
being equipped with numerous au 


nd суету 


uds against them. When 
talcumed smoothy comes at me with 
his brilliant ivories exposed, it only 


shows he's got something he can bite me 
with, that’s all. 

But the smile of the Wal 
thing, else. 

The smile of the Walrus did what a 
smile hasn't done for me in y 
теней my heart D use the coni 
phrase very much on. purpose, When 1 
saw his smile. Г knew I could trust him. 1 
felt in my marrow that he was senile 
and sweet and. had nothing but the best 
intentions. His resemblance to the Wal- 
rus in the poem ceased being vaguely 
nd became warmly comical. T 
loved him as I had loved the Teddy bear 
of my childhood. 

“Oh, Day," he said, and his voice was 
an embarrassed. boom, “I do hope we’ 
ntvuding!”™ 
"E dare are," squeaked the 
rpenter, peeping out from behind his 


some- 


зау we 


mpanio 
“The, um, fact is,” boomed the Wal- 
rus, “we didn't even notice you until just 


back then, you see. 
“We were talking, is what,” 
Carpenter. 


said the 


They wept like anything to sec 
Such quantities of sand... 

“About sind?” 1 asked. 

Ihe Walrus looked at me with а star- 


ded 
“We а 


now 


eve, scully 


He lifted one huge foot and shook it 
so that а little tickle of sand spilled out 
ol his shoe. 
"The stull' impossible,” he said, “Gers 
» your clothes, tracks up the carpet" 
“Ought 10 be swept 
said the Carpenter, 


it ought,” 


way, 


“If seven maids with seven mops 

Swept it for half a year, 

Do you suppose.” the Walrus said, 
“That they could get it clear?” 


id 
siid the Walrus, 
around bim 
. "aliogetlie 
Then he turned to us 


“It's too much 
indeed. 


eying 


with vague dis 


100 much." 


in and we all 
asked in that smile. 
“Permit me to invoduce my compan- 


ion and myself,” he said. 


(continued [rom page 121) 


"You'll have to excuse Georg, 
the Carpenter, "as he's a bit of a маей 
shirt, don't you know? 
“Ве that as it may,” said the Walrus, 
patting the Carpenter on the flat top of 
his paper hat, “this is Edward Farr, and 
orge Tweedy, both at your serv- 

; um, both a rifle drunk, Fm 


‚ indeed. We are that” 
As we have just come from а reilly 
delightful party, to which we shall soon 
mm 

"Once we've found the fucl, th. 
stid Farr, waving his saw in the air. Dy 
he had found the courage to са 

nd [ace us directly. 


now 
out 


Which brings me to the question 
siid Tweedy. “Have you seen any drifi- 
wood lying about the premises? We've 
been looking high and low and we can't 
seem to find any of the blasted stull 

"Thought there'd be piles of it. 
‚ "but all there is is sind, d 


said 


see? 

71 would have sworn you were looking 
for oyster 
in, Tweedy app 


ed starded. 


“O Oysters, соте and walk with 
us!” 
The Walrus did beseech 
“Oysters?” he asked. “Oh, no, we've 


got the oysters. AH we lack is the me 
10 cook ‘em, 
“Course, 
wid Farr, 


r 


we could use a few 


s companion. 


more, 


looking at 1 


SL suppose we could, at than said 
Tweedy thoughtdully. 
: 1 we can't help you fellows 


with the driftwond problem." sid Carl, 
"bur you're more than welcome 19 a 
drink.” 

There was something unfamiliar about 


the tone of Carl's voice Uh de my 
cars perk up. I turned to look at him and 
then had «исину covering up my 
tonishinent. 

Ti мау his eyes. 


or once, for the first. 


time, they were really friendly: 
Vm not saying Carl had fishy су 
blank eyes—not at all. On the surface, 
that the surface, with his eyes, 
with h the handling. of h 


entire body, Carl was а master of anim 
tion amd expression, From sympathetic. 
rifele warmth, all the way to icy, tage 
and on every stop in between, Carl was 
completely. convincing. 

But only on the surface. Once you got 
to know Carl, and it took a while. vou 
rewlized that none of it was really hap- 


pening because Са had died, 
or " Possibly in 
chi Posibly he had been bor 

dead. So, under the actor's warmth and 


ays the eyes of a 


But now it was different 
ss here was genuine, 1 w 


CEweedys 


the Walrus. 
1 had risen 


The smile of Tweedy, oi 
had performed а miracle. Ca 
from his tomb. I was in honest awe 

Delighted, old chap?" said Tweedy 

They accepted their. drinks with ob 
vious pleasure. and we completed. the 
introductions as they sit down to join us 

detected a strong smell of fish when 
Tweedy sit down beside me, but. oddly, 
I didn't find it offensive in the least. | 
was glad he'd chosen me to sit by. He 
turned and smiled at me and my hen 
melted а Tittle more. 

Tr soon turned out that the drinking 
wed done before Ead only scratched the 
aml Fam were m 
nilicent boorcrs. and their gust 
aged us all to follow suit 

We drank absurd toasts and w 
lighted to «соле that 
incredib'e raconteur. His specialty was 


surface. Tweedy 


encour 


e de 
Tweedy was an 


outrageous fantasy: wild tales involving 
icongruous objects. events and charac 


His invention. was endless, 


“The tone 
мий, 
To talk of many thingy: 
shuocy—and ships—and sealing- 
аах 
Of cabbages—and kings— 
And why the sea is boiling hot 
And whether pigs have 


has com the Walrus 


Of 


wings,” 


We laughed and drank. and drank 
and laughed. and I began to wonder 
why in hell Fd spent my life being such 
a gloomy, moody son of a bitch, be 
such a distrustiul and suspicious bastard, 
when the whole secret of everything. the 
whole core secret, was simply 10 enjoy it 


to duke it as it сате 
I looked around and grinned, and 1 
«аит cave il ir was a foolish grin. Every 


body looked all right, everybody. looked 
swell. everybody looked better than ГА 
ever seen them look before, 

Irene looked happy, honestly and wo 
ly happy. She. too, had found the secret 
No more pills for Irene. I thought. Now 
that she knows the secret, now that she's 
met Tweedy, who's given her the secret 
she'll have no more need of those 


damn pills. 
And 1 couldn't believe Horace 

Mandie. They had their arms around. 

cach other amd their bodies were 


pressed. dose together, and. they rocked 
being when, they laughed at 

wonderful stories. No morc 
magging lor Mandie. I thought. zii no 
more cringing lor,dHforace, now they've 
learned. the secret 

And then 1 looked at Carl, laughi 
and relaxed aud. abyolutely free ot cac 
pluicly unchilled. finally, at Last, alter 


s one 


1 looked. at Carl again. 
1 1 looked down at my dr 
and then I looke 
1 looked out a 
remote and impersonal. 

And then 1 realized it had grown cold, 


nk, 
al my knees, and then 


the sea, sp 


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PLAYBOY 


144 


quite cold, and that there wasn't а bird 


or a doud in the sky 


The sea way wet as wet could be, 
The sands were dry as dry. 

You could not sce a cloud, because 
No cloud was т the sky: 

No birds were flying overhead— 
There were no buds to fly. 


was, after all. a 
perfect descrip feless carth, It 
sounded beautiful at first. it sounded be 
you read it again and you 
roll was describing ba 
nd desolation. 

Suddenly Carl's voice broke through 


and E heard him say 

“Hey, that’s а hell of an idea, Tweedy 
Hy God, we'd love ıo! Wouldn't we, 
gang?” 


The others broke out in an afirmative 
Chorus and they all started scrambling to 


their feet around me, 1 looked up at 
them. like someone who's been амак 
ened from sleep in a strange place, and 


they grinned down at me like loo 
‘Come on, Phil!” cried. Irene. 
Her eyes were bright and shin 

it wasn't with happiness. I could see 

th 


but 


now. 


“It seems a shame,” the Walrus said, 
To play them such а trick . . 7 


T blinked my eyes and stared at 
one alter the other 

‘Old Phil's had a little too much to 
drink!" cried Mandie, laughing, "Come 


on. oll Phil! Come on and join the 


m. 


pariy! 

What pary?” I asked. 

1 couldn't seem to get located. Every- 
thing seemed disorientated and gro 
resque. 

For Chris's sake. Phil” said Carl 


ivited us 
more 


“Tweedy and Farr. here, have 
to join their party. There're no 
drinks left. and they've got pleni 
І ма my plastic cup down carefully 
mto the sand. И they would just shut 
up for a moment, I thought, I might be 
able to get the fuzz out of my head. 
"Come along. sir!" boomed Tweedy 
jovially. “It’s only a pleasant. walk!” 


“O Oysters, come and walk with us!" 
The Walrus did beseech. 

“A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, 
Along the briny beach . . ." 


He was smiling at me, but the smile 
didn't work anymore. 

You cannot do with more than fou 
1 told him. 

"Um? Wh: 


“We cannot do with more than four, 


To give a hand to cach." 
“I saîd. "You caunot do with more 
than four.” 


“He's right, you know,” said Farr, the 
Carpenter. 


“Well, 


m, thi id the Walrus, “if 


you fel yo 
chap. 
What, in Christ's name, 


really can't come, old 


© you all 


talking about" asked Mandie. 

"Hes hung up on that goddamn 
poem," said Carl “I Оз got 
the yellow bastard sc 


“Don't be such a 
d Mandie. 

“To hell with him.” said Carl. And he 
started off, and all the others followed 
m. Except Irene. 
¢ vou sure you really don't want to 
Phil?" she asked. 

She looked frail and thin against the 
sunlight. I realized there really wasn't 
much of her and that what there w 
d terrible beating. 

No. D said. © you sure 
you want то go? 

“OU cours: I do, Phil.” 

I thought of the pills. 

71 suppose you do,” I said. "I suppose 
ther 
No. 


ty pooper. Phil!" 


don't. 


ly no stopping you.” 
there isn’t” 


Phi 
And then she stooped and kissed. me. 


nd I could feel 
є of her lips and 
her breath. 


ised me very gently, 
the dry, chapped si 
the faint warmth of 

J stood. 

“I wish you'd stay.” I said. 

“L can't,” she said. 

And then she turned and 
others, 

I watched them growing smaller and 
smaller on the beach. following the Wal- 
rus and the Carpenter, 1 watched. chem 
come to where the beach curved 


п after the 


ound 


the bluff. and watched them disappear 
behind the Ыш. 

1 looked up at the sky. Pure blue. 
Impersonal. 

“What do you think of this?” 1 asked 


it. 
Nothing. It hadn't even noticed. 


Now, if you're ready, Oysters dear, 
We can begin to feed." 


“But not on us!” the Oysters ened, 
Turning a little blue, 

“After such kindness, that would be 
A dismal thing to do!” 


A dismal thing to do. 

1 began to тип up the beach, toward 
the Ыш. 1 stumbled now and then. be- 
cause T had had 100 much to drink. Far 
too much to drink. I heard small shells 
crack under my shoes, and the sand 
made whipping noises. 

I fell, heavily, and lay there gasping 
on the beach. My heart pounded in my 


chest. I was too old for this sort of foot 
work. | hadn't had any real exercise in 
y smoked too much and Т drank 


too much. I did all the wrong th 
didi't do any of the right things 

I pushed myself up a little and then Т 
ler myself down again. My heart was 
pounding hard enough to frighten me. I 
could feel it i chest, franticall 


ws. 1 


pumping, squeezing blood in and spurt 
ing blood out. 


Like an oyster pulsing in the sea 


“Shall we be trotting home again?” 


My heart was like ап oyster 
I gor up. fell up. and beg: 
айп, weaving widely, my mouth oper 


1 10 run 


d the air burning my throat. D was 
with sweat, streaming with 
ul it felt icy in the cold wind. 


"Shall we be trotting home again? 


I rounded the Мий and thei 
d the 


J stopped 
1 dropped 


ul ste 
10 my knees. 

The pure blue of the sky was un 
marked by a single bird or cloud, and 
nothing stirred on the whole vast stretch 
of the beach. 


sw 


Bul answer came there none— 


And this was scarcely odd, because 


Nothing stirred, but they were il 
Irene and. Mandie and Carl and Hoi 
were there, and four others, too. 
around the ЫШ. 


“We cannot do with than 


four - 


тое 


But the Wah 
taken two trips. 

1 began to crawl toward them on my 
knees. My heart, my oyster heart. 
pounding roo hard хо allow me to st 

The other four had had а picnic. too. 
very like our own, They. too. had plastic 
cups and plates. and they, too. had 
brought boules, They had sat and wait 
ed for the return of the Walrus and the 
Carpenter. 

Irene was right in front of me. Her 
eyes were open and stared at, but did 
not sce, the sky, The pureblue unclut- 
tered sky. There were a few grains of 
sand in her left eye. Her face was almost 
clear of blood. There were only a few 
песку of it on her lower chin. The spray 
from the huge wound in her chest 
to have traveled mainly down- 
ard and to the right. 1 stretched out 
m and touched her hind. 


and the Carpenter had 


seemed 
D 


my 


Irene.” I sai 


Bul answer came there none— 
And this was scarcely odd, because 
They'd caten every one. 


I looked up at the others, Like Ir 
they were, all of them, dead, The Wal 
rus and the Carpenter had caen the 
oysters and Left the shells. 

The Carpenter never had found any 
firewood, and so they'd eaten them raw 
You can cat oysters raw if you want to. 

I said her 


- once more, just lo 


the record, and then 1 stood and turned 
from them and walked to the bluff. I 
rounded the — bluff 1 the beach 


stretched before me, v 
xd remore. 
Even as 1 
them, it was 


st, smooth, empty 


van upon it, from 


note 


away 


es, you are seeing double. 


sportcoats 


Double-breasted. 


It has never been out, but now it's 
in more than ever. And no one is 
more aware than Clubman, But it’s 
never just enough to anticipate a 
fashion. 


Not for Clubman, at least. 


You have to tailor it right. Use the 
right fabrics. Put on the right buttons. 
Line it just right. And make it available in the right stores. 


Seeing double is not hall bad as it's cracked up to be. 
When the label says Clubman. 


Clubman, 1290 avenue ef the americas, ry. my, 10019 


145 


Blended Scotch Whisky · 86 Proot - 9Schieffelin & Co., N.Y 


PLAYBOY FORUM 


of another person, which conceiv- 
ably takes in shower rooms at high 
schools, YM-YWCAs and even one's 
hom 


Don't 1, a is the state 


agh: West Virgi 


nce that 

ass and we I be com- 
the closer, like 
мо bed with. 


Law will p 
pelled to undress à 
Grandpa, before getting 
our wives. 


Ronald. Smith 
Charleston, West Vir 


nit 


DISGRACEFUL LAWS 
Congratulations to the Berkeley Police 
Department for its courage in not acting 
inst the Sexual Freedom League (ех 
cept in the case of a formal complaint). 
For years om police have been expected 
10 act nhinking robots, upholding 
laws that are a disgrace to the Cor 
tion and the state le Ma 
ow sex d wd de 
respect neither from the 
hom those expected 10 enfe 
Jerome W. Sampson 
Salmon AFS, Alaska 


tizcns nor 


CONVICTION WITHOUT A TRIAL 

In the February Playboy Forum, а 
letter writer describes a case in which a 
school superintendent was arrested fo 
allegedly m: obscene letters; his 
career was ruin the charge was 
dropped. 

This raises a basic problem in law. 
Under our criminal statutes, prosecutors 
have been given enormous amounts of 
ion. They must decide whether 10 
thereby 
here are 


very few controls y 
discret «b practically no reviews 
of the prosecutors. decisions. In fact 


the erimimablaw procedures in Federal 
ou 
the best. howeve 


mple, in 


‚ are amon 
adequate they may be. For е 
the Federal courts there is a screen. In 
tween the prosecutor amd the police 
that operates as а check оп prosecu- 
tory discretion, E refer to the grand jury 
hearing. While this check may not be as 
elective as some of us would like, it never- 
iheless is beuer than no check at 
In most states. а prosecutor need not 
subject his decisio 


10 prosec 


tremendous ei 
expense 

What has been said prosecuto- 
pror to filing 
Imost the same intensity 
(node dismiss 
ve been filed. In the 


arrassment, p: 


bout 


charges 


discretion 
applies with 
опа 


to prosect 
charges once they h 


(continued from page 60) 


usual situation, « prosecutor has complete 
power to withdraw the charge from a 
court because, although а court mu 
rec, agreement is usually perfunctory 
This means, of course, that if an inno- 
cent man has been charged amd the 
charges are dropped, the man has no 
opportunity 10 prove his innocence, al- 
though he has suffered all the burdens 


suggestions have been made 
ned ar controlling. proscc 
ion. Perhaps the best one is 

ad particularized 
ic crimes, Cowcatcher 


de 


clauses 
utes produce 
arbitrary power 
mention 

A second suggested control would be 
some sort of supervision over the prose- 
cutor's discretion to file charges in the 
stance, Perhaps something like the 
glish system would work. This would 
ean that after a grand jury returns 
indictment, the prosecutor would. send 
the case out to а local member of the bar 
association. a private practitioner, and 
ask his opinion on whether or not the 
prosecution should go forward. Another 

ck of the English variety is that once 
а decision has been mide to prosecute, 
м the prose- 
cating, the ease is sent to a member of 
on who then conducts 
This diffusion of duties 
ejudice and pro: 
t of 


tions and place 
a prosecutor, not to 


bar assoc 


prosecutic 
tends to 
motes a gre: 
ness and ¢ 
American. pencli 
i 18 
pec, that a wholesale carr 
English system wouldn't 
Under se circumstances, 
vice for controlling prosecutorial discr 
ton would be that of sharing among 
several agencies the decisions to prosecute 
or to terminate prosecutio 
Arval Morris 
Profesor of Law 
University of Washington 
Seattle, Washington 
Ay Professor Morris hay indicated, the 
questions of prosecutorial discretion ате 
complex and manifold, We think they 
would be greatly simplified and a tre- 
mendous burden lifted from stale and 
Federal prosecutors if laws dealing with 
consensual behavior involving no harm 
lo other members of society w 


t for 


institu- 
ictions is such. I sus- 


over of the 
lopted. 
the best di 


re re- 


d from the books. In the case of the 
d 


то 


school superintendent, а man was all 


to have written sealed letters containin 
“impure” thanghts to a couple of women 
whose acquaintance he had made via cor- 
respondence clubs. As it turned out, the 
5 а postal inspector, who 
had spent the time necessary to discover 
that the with 
correspondence clubs and had encour- 


omen" w 


man had а connection 


aged him—by writing enticing letters— 
to commit a Federal crime, which he 
probably wasn’t even aware he was 
committing. 

We submit that Federal and state prose- 
cutors (as well as investigators) would 
be in a better position to protect society 
if they were not obliged to enforce laws 
that create crimes without victims. 


HOMOSEXUALITY IN PRISON 
In The Playboy Forum for Febr 
you printed a letter from a young ma 


ifornia, claim 
lespread at. the school. 

I have been working with wards of 
e Youth Authority for over fi 
am, amd I personally know that the 
rges made in this lette We 
ad some cases of homosexuality. 
but they Every attempt is made 
to give the wards some constructive out- 
their spare time and they arc 
else 
wire world. You have done a d 
rvice до the Sute of California and to 
those of us who work with the be 


supervised better than anywh 
m 


Worst of all. you have damaged the 
reputation of every you who is now 
1 custody of the Ca а Youth Au- 


у is can cause alarm 
where it is not needed or justified. 
John F. Okel 
Ontario, Califor 
1f the California Youth Authovity has 
solved. this serious problem, which b 
devils all other American penal institu- 
tions, they have managed to keep their 
success а secret, and we would li to 
learn more of the details. We find it dif- 
ficult to believe that the “supervision” 
and “constructive outlets? you mention 
represent by themselves any such solu- 
tion. These methods: ave used. in the 
other 49 states without much success 
Most authorities agree that sexually 
ated penal institutions ате breed 
grounds for homosexuality; and 
homosexual practices are so common 
place in many prisons that officials ad- 
mit, at least privately, their inability to 
adequately cope with the problem. In 
this instance, a letter [vom an inmate of 
a correctional institution of the Califor- 
nia Youth Authority describes the vate 
of homosexual activity there as арра! 
ing": but his letter is a plea for help, not 
further hypocrisy, Commenting on the 
severly with which homosexual activity 
ds dealt with when detected, the inmate 
states: “If this letter were to result only 
in our having move rigid rules and lighter 


segre 


ing 


security, that would be a travesty of jus 
tice. Most of the boys here are in the age 
bracket when, according to Kinsey, sex 
nal With 
present, they must turn to each other— 


need ds strongest. по girls 
no matter how tight the security.” 

In “Sexual Behavior in the Human 
Male," Kinsey and his associates estimate 


the percentage of inmates involved in 


147 


PLAYBOY 


MB 


homosexual activity in sexually segre- 
gated “mental or penal” institutions 
varies [vom “30 to 55 percent,” depend- 
ing on the nature of the institution. With 
reference to the imprisonment of adoles- 
cent males, Kinsey states: “The problem 
of sexual adjustment . . . is even more 
difficult than the problem of the boy who 
lives outside in society. . . . If these ada- 
lescent years are spent in an institution 
«his sexual life is very likely to become 
stamped with the institutional. [homo- 
sexual] pattern." 

Kinsey also comments on the tendency 
1o self-deception on the part of those who 
bave 10 cope with the problem: " Admin- 
istrators who have these young males in 
thew сате are generally bewildered. . . . 
In many cases, the situation is simply 
tolerated or ignored, and the admin- 
istrator would prefer not to be aware of 
the activities.” 

We don't think that an honest ap- 
praisal of the situation is a disservice to 
the inmates of any institution. Indeed, 
it is in their behalf that the issue is being 
raised. For a more enlightened approach 
to the problem, see the following letter. 


SEX IN PRISON 
I read with 
letter on “Se 
Forum, Febru 


interest. Al С. Evans 
Prison" (The Playboy 
ту). The following 


cerpts from an айс by Norval Mor 
point out customs in Swedish prisons 
that undoubtedly help prevent psycho- 
pathological developments. in 


prisoners: 


. . Women are found to be 
working not only in institutions for 
younger offenders in Sweden but 
also throughout their adult correc 


мет. 1 do not mean work- 
in the front offices outside 
security perimeter; 1 mean 
1 he walls and within the cell 
blocks. And there are women gov- 
emos of prisons for male prison 
©.» The advantages of our dean 
ing this lesson from Sweden are 
obvious; women bring a softening 
influence to the prison society, 
assisting men by their presence to 
strengthen ther inne controls, 
jey of deeply en- 
processes of psychosocial 


tional 
ing only 
the 


growth .. . 

The leson is dear and is that 
women should be employed within 
the correctional institution for those 
skills in psychology, casework, ad- 
ministration and counseling that 
they can offer as well as men. and 
nothing but advantage 10 the entire 
correctional system will ensue . . . 

From open institutions, Swedish 


“The way I see il, you can't trust anyone over 


nine." 


three 
months after a fixed proportion of 
served; from 
institutions, they get such 
home leave every four months . - - 

One imporiamt consequence of 
the furlough system is the gross re- 
duction of the problem of homoses- 
uality within Swedish prisons. Small 
institutions and the attitudes 
s [ have sketched 
factors in min 
problem: so also is il 
tude toward sex in Swedish society. 
But furloughs obviously diminish 
libidinal pressures lor the inmates 
kl lesen the likelihood of their 
homosexual expression. Visits. also 
have mis cea in many Swedish 


prisoners now get home every 


their sentence has be 
closed. 


institutions, wives and 
© allowed to visit pris 
ones in the conven 
tions of privacy officially 
prescribed. but they are observed. I 


In many 
girlfriends 


cells—the 
€ not 


report a frequent practice, not an 


п Н. Mellor, M. D. 
Corona, Califor 
The distinguished criminologist. Nør- 
val Morris is Professor of Law and Crimi- 
nology and Director of the Center for 
Studies in Criminal Justice at the Uni- 
wersity of Chicago. 


IN DEFENSE OF MARIJUANA 

J have never heard a valid argument 
gainst marijuana. Most commonly, we 
are told that it’s bad bec ^s illegal 
and irs illegal because 

Were the posession, sale and use of 
marijuana to be legalized in this country, 
it would benefit the public. A clear 
distincion would be made apparent be- 
tween this harmless and. pleasant intoxi- 
cant and the really destructive narcotics 
like heroin and morphine. An alternative 
to physically harmful stimulants and de 
presims—like tobacco and alcohol— 
would be offered. Persons seeking the 
pleasure of this now commonly accepted, 
nonaddictive herb would not be drawn 
o criminal circles when obu 

No needs to get 
“stoned,” any more than anyon 
automobiles, air conditioning o 
rama. But 
let's m 


Cine 


long as they're here to stay, 
ke the best of them and use them 


wisely. 
Ralph D. Lynch 
1 


ilbraham, Massachusetts: 


An uninformed citizenry is responsible 
for a great many ef our asinine laws. 
One such law, enforced by the Federal 
rcotics Bureau. is the statute out 
the ase and/or possesion of the 
drug mari 1. Marijuana 
less "dangerous" than alcohol, a bever- 
age consumed by the majority of adults 
n our society. It is said that marijuana is 


addictive and will lead its user to heroin, 
кі other addictive и 


cocaine, opium a 

cotics. Marijuana is not addictive. 

the people I know who use 
ve ever 


even con 


lilornia 


let- 
r had abortions 
children up for 


ted sever 


put their Шея 
lopton (ille, auel 
word!). There is ‚ which I 
took. T kept my twin daughters, after 


allen apart 
up after 
Look- 


at the seams if 1 had given the 
holding them in my arms just onc 
ing back honestly, though, if th 
been a way to obtain 
months earlier, E would have had it done. 


Some say abortion isn’t Christian or 
ethical. How Chris ad eh re 
our orphanages and institutions for 


unwed mothers? Anybody who has be 
in one will tell you they are horrid. I, 
myself, tried a home for unwed mothers 
ıd lasted опе week—thar place would 
make an excellent prison for particularly 
icious and. umedcemable felons. If you 
not half out of your mind with guile 
and fear before you enter a hellhole like 
this, you will be before you get out, Be- 
sides, they nearly starve you to death 
and they work you like a coal miner. 
So, with the help of my wonderful 
ents, I kept my babies. It has caused 
1 lot of trouble and heartache to my 
but the joy and happiness of hie 


ing the twins (now 21 months old) has 
been a great consolation, Many, many 
problems face the unwed mothe 


nen" regard you as 
think they are doing you a fannastie 
c unequaled since Jesus forgave 
alene, if they date you and ty to 
drag vou to bed afterward. They actually 
believe you are so oversexed that you 
nb the walls at night without them. 
Aud, in spite of this, you still have the 
need to love а man and be loved in re 
ıurn—il you can find one who will tre: 
you as a human being. Is lonely having 
children to care for without а mate. 

There are many sides to the story of 
сусту попа 


de c 
irl make her 
1 interference 


ws and womei nse 


quences. I'm for letting the 
choice without | 
whether it be abortion. adoption or 
my own dificult yet rewarding decisio 
(Na id address 


withheld by request) 


me 


PHYSICIAN FOR ABORTION 
As long as we, us a society, 


abortion as а criminal offense, there will 
be no significant improvement in all the 
tragedies asociared with clandestine 


abortions. Т law will not 
(1) allow a physician to use all medical 
resources i his patient, (2) al 
low women the control of their own re- 
productive systems, (8) decrease the high 
death rate and the hundreds of thou- 
sa ous illnesses caused. by cl 
destine. abortions or (4) help mak 
the right of every baby born to be ма 
ed and loved by its mother. Only repeal 
of all laws relating 1o abortion per- 
formed by licensed. physicians will allow 
positive action in these four 
aw should designate who is qu 
perform abortions, but not on 
they may be performed. 
Obviously. no опе is going to force 
any patient or any physician to partici 
pate in an abortion. The patient is simply 
free to consult her physician, who is then 
free to use or not use this medical proce- 
dure. A precedent has already been set 
in the distribution of birth-control serv- 
ices. Some physicians do not offer these 
services 10 any patients, married or not, 
because they feel that it is unethical to 
do so. Other physicians offer birth con- 
trol only to married women. Still others 
oller it to all women over a certain age, 


whom 


regardless of marital status. And. finally, 
there are some physicians who have no 
I rules and evaluate each patient ac 
ng to the particular circumstances. 
Lonny Myers, M.D 
Illinois Citizens lor the Medical 
Control of Abortion 
Chicago, Illinois 


cordi 


ABORTION TEST CASES 

Since The Playboy Forum has provided 

broad discussion of abortion amd 
bortion laws. I think you will be inter- 
ested in the facts surrounding two dra- 
maic test cases in San Francisco. 

On May 16, 1966, the attorney general 
announced that he was going ло file 
charges of top San 
Francisco doctors Гог performing. abor- 
tions. The group represented the com 
munitys mou distinguished physicians 
and the abortions had been performed 
with the full approval of physicians 
committees in local hospitals. Consul 
tions with other doctors lad been held, 
the patients had given consent and the 
operations had been performed in hos- 
pital surgeries. The operations were thera- 
peutic abortions on women who had 


149 


PLAYBOY 


German measles 


contracted 


measles (rubella 
pregnancy causes monsters. National In- 
stitute of Health reports indicate that this 
disease, if contracted in the first month of 
pregnancy. produces birth defects in 47 
percent of the cases; it produces defects 

п 22 percent in the second and third 
months. But, according to California law, 
abortion is illegal unless the lile of the 
mother is threatened. 

On May 20, 1966, the State Board of 
Medical Examiners officially filed charges 
of unprofessional conduct against two 
prominent San Francisco. obstetricians, 
Dr. Seymour P. Smith of the St. Francis 
Memorial Hospital and Dr. J. Paul 
Shively, chief of the Obstenic and 
Gynecologic Service at St. Luke's Hospi- 
l while the atiorney general's. office 
investigating 19 other local 
peuticabortion com 
mitices in hospitals all over Califor 
began backing off; they were frightened 
into inaction. As a result, many mothers 
were compelled to go out of the state or 
to illegal 

The anti ive was spearhead- 
ed by Dr. James V. McNulty, a member 
of the Board of Medical Examiners and 
a leading Catholic lay figure in Los An- 
when the Califor- 
nia Medical Association voted to press 
for changes in the abortion statute, Dr. 
atened the state doctors 
a Examiners Board crack- 
down if they persisted in interpreting the 
present statute loosely. Apparently. Dr. 
MeNulty had appointed himself watch- 
dog for his Church’s point of view, and 
the whole issue became polarized on a 
Catholic versus non Catholic. basis. 

The Roman Catholic bishops of Cali 
fornia denounced proposed liberalizatio 
of the state's abortion laws as “infamy 
that poisons society." They condemned 


on 


all doctors who performed abortions to 
prevent 
The 


monster births as murderers. 
insisted there is no diflerence be 
nd denied 
the mother any rights to its disposition 

One result of the action of the Catholic 
group was an explosive outcry in favor of 
the accused doctors and in favor of 
changing the abortion laws. California's 
leading educators, including the deans of 
every medical school in the state except 
filed a legal brief, which was sub- 
mined to the state supreme court. It 
attacked the present Jaw as an arbitrary 
invasion of the right of privacy of par- 
ents and the right of all persons to the 
best medical care available: “The state 
cannot legislate a religious philosophy in 
the face of necessary and sound medical 
Eminent obstetricians, pedi- 
nd deans [rom all over the 
country are supporting the brict, 

two physicians received further 
support from the president of the San 
cico Gynecological Society, who 


nounced that a poll of the members 
showed 100 favoring liberalization of the 
bortion statutes and three opposed. On 
June 28, Dr. J. Blair Pace, president of 
the California Academy of General Prac- 
red that the accused Doctors 
Shively and Smith 
cd rather i 

In October, the Northern California 
Conference of American Baptists over- 
whelmingly urged a change in thera- 
peuticabortion laws, permitting abortion 


be commend- 


when the physical or mental health of 
the mother or the child was threaten 
At that time 
professor of obstetrics 
the 


Dr. Edmund Overstreet, 
nd gynecology 
University ol California Medi 
т, announced the results of a ques- 
е that had been mailed to 943 
the American Board of 
Obstetrics a ynccology in California. 
In reply to а question as t0 whether 
therapeutic abortion was justified for 
1 risk of significant fetal abr 
lity, 77 percent of the polled phys 
cams replied in the afirmative. Dr. 
street asked the respondents if they 
1 actually performed therapeutic abor- 
tions, and of the 730 answering the ques- 
Пон. 500 said yes. 

A citizens’ committee 10 


raise funds 


formed, with Chauncey 1 
liam Coblentz, two 
Francisco laymen, as co-chairmen. Dr. 
Overstreet said that he and more than 30 
Other obstetricians are prepared to tell 
the State Board of Medical Examiners 
that they have performed. abortions just 
like those Doctors Shively and Smith are 
accused of doing. 
In addition, an ever-increasing ground 
swell of support for new legis 
apparent. The champions of 
favor legislation proposed by the Amer- 
n Law Institute in 1962. The I 
sttuıe's Model Penal Code proposes 
legalizing abortion performed і 
censed hospital by a licensed 
when two other physicians certify 
tification on the basis of one of three 
causes: (1) if continuation of the pregn. 
cy would “gravely impair" the physi 
ог mental health of the mother: (2) if 
there is "substantial risk" that the child 
ill be born with "grave physical or 
mental defect"; (3) if the 
results from rape or ince 
local authorities. Such a 


is again being introduced by state 
legislator Beilenson. 
Gerald. Mason Feigen, M. D. 


San Francisco, fornia 

The Calijornia state legislature is one 
of 12 that have introduced legislation this 
session to liberalize antiquated abortion 
statutes, Al the proposed therapeutic- 
abortion bills are. similar in that they 
offer no more than the minimal reforms 
recommended in the American. Law In. 
stitutes Model Penal Code (accurately 
described in Dr. Feigen's letter 


We agree with Dr. Lonny Myers (pre- 
vious letter) that the law should only 
who is qualified to perform 
abortions... not on whom they may be 
performed”; however, we think that, 
until the legislatures are ready 10 accept 
this truly humane point of view, it is 
first necessary to achieve the rudimentary 
reforms contained in the therapeutic. 
abortion bills, We therefore urge vivvaoy 
readers who wish to support abortion-law 
reform in the states considering. it to 
write to their slate senators and repre 
sentatives and to the following legislative 
leaders: 

California: Senator Hugh М. Burns 
and Assemblyman Jesse Unruh, Sacra- 
mento, 

Colorado: Senator Frank L. Gill and 
Kepresentaiive John D. Vanderhoof, 
Denver. 

Connecticut: Senator Edward Marcus 
and Representative Robert Testo, Hart- 
Jord. 

Georgia: Senator Julian Webb and 
Representative George L. Smith, Atlanta. 


designate 


Maine: Senator Harvey Johnson and 
Representative David J. Kennedy, Aw 
gusta. 


Maryland: Senator Howard Hughes 


and Representative Marvin Mandel, 
Anna polis. 
Minnesota: Senator Stanley W. Holm- 


quist and Representative L. L. Duxbury 
Paul. 

Nevada: Senator В. Mahlon Brown 
and Assemblyman Mel Close, Carson 
City. 

Oklahoma: Senator Roy Boecher aud 
Representative Rex Privett, Oklahoma 
City. 

Oregon: Senator Al Flegel and Rep- 
resentative Г. F. Monigomery, Salem. 

Pennsylvania: Senator Stanley Stroup 
and Representative Kenneth B. Lee, 
Harrisburg. 

Rhode Island: Senator Frank Sgam- 
bato and Representative John J. Wrenn, 
Providence. 

Bills were recently defeated, vetoed or 
killed in committee in Arizona, Indiana, 
Nebraska, New Mexico and New York. 

We will publish progress reports on 
these bills т “The Playboy Forum,” as 
well as information about new bills ax 
they ате proposed. 


The Playboy Forum” offers the oppor 
tunity for an extended dialog between 
readers and editors of this publication 
on subjects and issues raised їп Hugh 
M. Hefner's continuing editorial series, 
“The Playboy Philosophy.” Four booklet 
reprints of “The Playboy Philosophy,” 
including installments 1-7, 8-12, 13-18 
and 19-22, arc available at 50¢ per book- 
let. Address all correspondence on both 
"Philosophy" and "Forum" to: The 
Playboy Forum, Playboy Building, 919 N. 
Michigan Ave., Chicago, Mlinois 60611 


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There's one—Sunbeam 
Tiger V-8. It puts you wheel- 
to-wheel with ЁЁ 
the $5500- 
$00  & 
jobs. Abe 

Tiger's [re 
secret? Q N 
Sunbeam 
and 
Chrysler 
Motors Corporation started 
with a very tough Class F 
Alpine, built to sellin volume. 
{A truly hot car, yet priced 
under $2600{ in the <, 
United States!) 

They gave it a potent 
V-8 and matching 
powertrainand modi- 
fications to accom- 
modatesame, andout 


came Tiger's 7 


prisingly smooth 


unique perfor- 
mance/price 


over both bad roads 
and tar strips. 


proposition. 


Comfortable cockpit 


Spectacular 
specs 


Tiger's own 


| 
| 


With this much punch at 
the price, you might suspect 
some short-changing inside. 


four-speed 
gearbox is close ratioed, 
starting with 2.32:1 in 1st 
#9 With a 2.88 axle and quick 
clutch, things happen in — 
a hurry here. 
Thatincludes brak- ^ 
ing. Girling self-ad- (^ 
justing discs (9.85") 
up front, 9” drums 
behind. And they're 


four corners besides! 
°“ |t also includes steering. 
Rack & pinion, 3.1 turns lock 
to-lock. Very positive. 

On the road, Tiger reacts 
without surprises in an ess- 
curve or a drift, and is sur- 


ROOTES 


SUNBEA 


power assisted at all (jc 


Not so. 
We start with 


= pleated, 
foam-padded bucket seats. 
Then make them fully adjust- 
able—with reclining backs. 
Then we give you a tele- 
scoping steering wheel. 


LU 
CHRYSLER 


MOTORS CORPORATION 


Adjustable foot pedals. And 
footwell ventilation to take 
the curse off a hot day. 
You also get а two-speed 
heater (standard) for cold 
days. Plus niceties like a 
lockable console. A walnut 
dash. An easy-to-work top. 


= А your Sun- 
beam dealer's. 
Treat it gently at first—it's 
equipped with instant fangs. 
But before long, you'll have 
sold yourself a $2000 head 
start on competition. 


Based on mls sugacsted ri 


ed 
‘Coast P.O E., state and local 


rans таеп. P E SAT 
EUROPEAN OELIVERY, 35h your 
about Sorbvam's Overséas Ochwery 


151 


DONOVAN the sound of sunshine 


RLV HAIRED YOUTH INTONES, in a qu tense voice 
makes teeny boppers sigh and hippies nod in approval, 
ly папе охе airways, getcha there on time” Known to the 
world on a first-name basis, Donovan Leitch, 21, is the min- 
strel of a wide-awake generation. that loves its freedom and 
seeks to free its love. The Glasgow-born singer-writer put 
side his artstudent paintbrushes at the age of 18 and set olf 
10 roam Britain with his guitar and his longüme buddy, 
Gypsy Dave, absorbing sunshine and folklore and celebrating 
both in song. Since scaling the international folk-music charts 
with Catch the Wind, Colors and The Universal Soldier, he 
has graduated to the world of psychedelics and electrified, 
Oriental favored music. Sunshine Superman, Donovan's first 
Epic album—like its title song, a number-one seller—con- 
tained lush, mobile arrangements utilizing brass, strings, 
woodwinds and amplified instruments from around the world. 
The songs evoked a sensory kaleidoscope, and despite occa 
sionally obscure images, the themes of universal love and drugs 
as aphrodisiacs of the soul were clear enough. Donovan sang 
cuphorically of “happiness in a pipe.” His latest hit album— 
named for his million-selling single, Mellow Yellow—turther 
extends his communion with the world around him 
ous moments he is humorous, lyrical, introspective and 
socially opinionated (“Yourself you touch, but not too much 
jou ve heard that irs degrading,” he sings to a symbolic 
single girl). Both LPs fuse elements of traditional ballads, 
blues, ragas, jazz and classical music: the key to Donovan's 
success is that his kee 5 and llexible formats ap- 
proximate the shifting moods and life textures of his time. 
"Whats more, the bulk of his output is simply "happy." 
Resisting critical tags such as se” singer (“the word 
"message is for the older generation"), the trend-conscious 
Donovan has made unique contributie ng body 
of “personalized” pop music, Now experimenting with films 
productions designed to “engulf” the audience, the 
mild-mannered hit maker seems set to live his own lyric and 
“follow through a dream to the end.” Considering his tender 
age and manifold abilities, odds are that the sunshine super- 
man will continue to set the style for his contemporaries. 


ng melod 


is to the grow 


ad 


THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS the sound of shekels 


nor эскгмхогт, the popmusic scene is involved with 
“sounds.” There is the surfing sound of the Beach Boys. 
‘There is the Lovin’ Spoonful's good-time sound. There is the 
Detroit sound and the Chicago blues sound, and there are 
hardrock, psychedelic rock, raga-rock and folk-rock sounds, 


And a while back, the scene was buzzing with talk about the 
The Mamas and the Papas 


newest sound—out of С 
had just released California Dreamin’, their first big hit. and 
the word was: Dig the California sound. Only trouble was, 
the new group's roots were in Greenwich Village, where it 
started out. If the new style needed a tag, "the sound of the 
Mamas and the Papas" was the most accurate: The sound is 
a unique blend of voices that, in the old advertising phrase, 
has been seldom imitated, never duplicated; it belongs to 
them alone. “Actually.” says bearded John Phillips, bari- 
tone, songwriter, armmger and leader of the group, “I've 
always kind of thought of it as the Virgin Islands sound. 
That's where we worked most of it out, lying around the 
beach two summers ago. That was 1965. We came back in 
formed the group officially in October, recorded 
in November and had a hit in January.” Michelle, John's 
wile, provides the soprano that skitters around above the rest 
of the sound. Denny Doherty is the tenor. And Cass Elliott. 
Cass. The mother of mankind, producer Lou Ad- 
ler called her, Hers is the lusty contralto belting out leads, 
working around the other voices in the ensemble sections of 
numbers such as their Grammy-winning version of Monday 
Monday. Living in poverty only two years ago, the Mamas and 
the Papas today luxuriae in Underground splendor in their 
Southern California superpads. Where they used to scrounge 
for the bus Fare uptown from the Village, they now own ex- 
pensive foreign sports cars, Thanks ro advance sales, their 
records win gold million-seller awards even before they are 
released. Through it all, the Mamas and the Papas manage to 
keep their cool. Cass says, “Oh, yeah. We had problems. But 
it anymore. We worked only six weeks of 
concerts last year and that’s more than enough.” On tap: 
more records, some television, including an hour speci 
NBC scheduled for September, 


en't. forcin 


SIMON AND GARFUNKEL żhe sound of the city 


IN А тот OF ways, Simon and Garfunkel are weirdies. In thi 
day of Electric Prunes and Grateful Dead, for example, Simoi 
(left) and Garfunkel use their real names. For another thing, 
they do their own material, their own way. They don't go in 
for freaky frills: no long һай гош behavior, no odd 
clothes. In con 


по w 
ert, they eschew theatrics in favor of a straight 
delivery based on а rapport built up over years of wor 
together. Their LPs show a consistent pattern of growth tl 
can't be bagged: not folk, not rock, something new and dif- 
ferent. "ИЗ ally all that strange," says Paul Simon, who 
is the songwriter and guitarist of the pair. “We just try to be 
ourselves.” Art Garfunkel, who does the arranging (when 
he's not studying at Columbia for his impending master's 
degree in math “We don't want to get too 
hung up on anything." They both sing, of course, and at 25, 
with ten years of experience and almost 6,000,000 records be- 
hind them, they are riding high atop a wave of enthusiasm 
that shows no sign of cresting. Simon's songs—understand- 
ably, given their popularity with the teeny beats—are about 
the pathos of being young, He writes about growing up 
ridiculous in an urban environment that is seldom control- 
lable or comprehensible. His songs are about love and in 
difference and sex and absurdity. In compositions such as The 
Dangling Conversation, he cries out at man’s failure to com- 
municate: “I cannot feel your hand/Yowe a stranger now 
unto me/Lost in the dangling conversation . . ." Or, in a 
song such as / Am a Rock, he captures the defensiveness and. 
sell-protection. that is а sorrowfully important part of life in 
the modern metropolis: “. . . I have my books and my poetry 
to protect me,/I am shielded in my . hiding in my 
room. .. . J touch no onc and no one touches me.” Gar- 
funkel's arrangements provide apt settings for Simon's lonely 
lyrics: the finely wrought harmonics he conceives, full of un. 
expected turns and quiet understatement, have become the 
duo's hallmark, On stage, Simon, short, playfully aggressive, 
makes it his; Garlunkel, tall, 
lithe, caresses the crowd with his gentle voice and supple 
gestures. Together they create gems of song, written by а 
youthful moralist and performed by a polished musical team. 


m 


commands the audience, 


153 


PLAYBOY 


154 


AMERICA’S INVISIBLE GOVERNMENT — (continued from page 132) 


its maneuvers on the side of rightism and 
reaction. 

The CIA is proud of ity record in 
la, where it claims to have 
minded the ov 
munistinfluenced government of Jacobo 
Arbenz Guzman in 1954. Yer who was 
it our CIA agents backed afterward? 
A ruling junta led by Colonel C 
Armas! He rowed the Communists, all 
ght. Then he set up à committee that 
seized without compensation some 800,000 


аце 


таме 


пу. repealed laws guaranteeing the 
rights of workers and to 
ih ges within a 
taki the government, 

ion of 


bor unior 


and, 


to: 
‚ 9.000.000 Indians continue to toil 
ton wages while ulrarich 
tidemocratic landowners flourish. 


Their wealth is increasing. but, according 
10 reporis, anti-United States, pro Castro 
sentiment has been smoldering under 
the surface, 

In the days when John Foster Dulles 


жаз practicing brink in the 
State Dep 
was heading up the CIA, some fancy 


prose works were issued to justify the 
operation of the CIA adventure. In a 
book entitled The Craft of Intelligence, 
Allen Dulles cited the story in the Book 
of Numbers about Moses sending. spies 
to the Land of Canaan, offered a solemn 
istory of medieval Europe. alluded to 
Disacli's coup in connection with the 
Suez Canal and, in general, built up a 
ng picture of clear and present 
danger to justify the free-ranging powers 
of his agency. Mr. Dulles made eloquent 
arguments, but on the wrong subject 
¢ who call for Congressional superv 
sion of intelligence activities are not so 
much disturbed by the fact that billions 
of dollars are being poured into the col- 
lection of information. We are more dis- 
tunbed by the fact that the CJA is not 
satisfied to be our watchdog, but wants 
бо be its own master. It has taken on the 
ter of a second government, ai 
ble only to itself. 
The CIA was never ende 
ign policy of our country. It was 
intelligence-collectia 
agency only, not as an operating, policy 
making branch of Government. Congress 
«тєшєй the Agency i 
lure on the part of ou 


s an 


ipate the bombing of P. 
the 


CIA 
aphs: 


The duties. of were 


bor set 


forth ii 


five short ра 


1. To advise the National Securi- 
ty Council in matters concerning 
such intelligence activities of the 


Government departments and agen- 


2. To make recommendations to 
y Council for 
of such i 


«c activities . 
3. To correlate 
telligence relating to the national 
sccurity, and to provide for the 
propriate dissemination of such in 
telligence within the Government 
s.s provided that the Agency shall 
have no police, subpoena, law-en- 


forcement. powers or internal-secur- 
ity functions... ; 

4. To perform, for the bencfit of 
the existing intelligence agencies, 
such additional services of common 
concern as the National Security 
council determines can be 
efficiently accomplished centrally; 

5. To perform such other func- 
tions and duties related to intelli 
gence affecting the national security 
as the National Security Council 
may from ti rect. 


more 


пс to 


ne 


There is nothing in those paragraphs 
about overthrowing foreign govern- 
ments, or mounting invasions, or offering 
$3,000,000 bribes—as was done to Prime 

i n Yew in Singapore. 
about interfering in 
¢ Dominican Republic 
m—where 1 heard from an 
1 in October 1965 that 
Vietnam Nationals employed by the CIA 
had, in on ice, posed as Viet Cong 
and committed atrocities in a South Viet- 
namese village, either to discredit the 
Viet Cong or to prove loyalty 10 them, 
Whether such allegations were true, 1 
cannot say. Senators visiting 
southeast Asia heard similar reports. All 
there powers w rped on the basis 
of the litle phrase 


us 


other function 


That is too broad a definition for me. 
Even Р nt Truman, who called the 
CIA into being in 1947, wrote in 196 


1 never had any thought that wh 
I set up the GIA that it would be 
injected into doak- 
dagger operations. Some of 
complications and embarrassment 
that I thi ave experienced 
are in part auributable to the fact 
that this quiet intelligence arm of 
the President has been so removed 
from role that it is 
being interpreted as а symbol of 
sinister and mysterious foreign i 
trigue—and a subject for 
enemy proj 


its intended 


The far-flung power of the CIA oper- 
es not only in foreign lands today but 
even within the continental limits of the 
United У 70 percent of all those 


thousands of employees аге wearing 
their cloaks and carrying their daggers 
Fight here at home. There are regional 
CIA offices in most of our major ci 


There is CIA money subsidizing college 

programs, subtly and sometimes not so 
subily influencing academic attitudes. 

Such was the case when Michigan 

c University was used from 1955 to 

us а cover for CIA operations 

d with our activities in South 

m. At Mich n State, the CIA is 


ns of dollars 
Is for Presi- 
uni 


reported to have spent milli 
to train polic d offic 
dent Ngo Dinh Diem: the 
neglected its functions of scholarsl 
groom leaders for a foreig 
So, at lea 
article in the April 1966 Ramparts, writ 
теп by Stanley К. Sheinb: 
coordinator of the university's Vi 
project. Mr. Sheinbaum certainly ought 
to know. Ralph Smuckler, acting dean of 
the Office of International Programs at 
Michigan State, has deprecated the sto- 
ry. asserting that everything in it was 
false and distorted. Other responsible 
department heads at the u: 
that there was substance in Sheinbaum’s 
charges. The most disturbing part of 
the story is that there is по way to get at 
the real truth, There must be good rea- 
sons, however, for Harvard amd other 
reputable universities to have refused to 
have any institutional involvement with 
the CIA. 

Even more shockir the disclosure 
in February that for 15 years the Central 
Intelligence Agency gave secret financial 
support, totaling millions of dollars, to 
the National Student Association, the 
nation’s largest siudent organization, and 
additional millions to other youth, labor, 
education and church groups. The dis 
covery of such maladroit maneuvers on 
the part of the CLA reduced virtually all 
scholarly and professional groups in 
America to the ranks of the suspect. 

Such CIA interference in organizations 
outside its jurisdiction is inexcusable and 
ndelensible. In this case, it brought 
embarrassment upon us at and 
humil And it still poses a 
serious threat то academic free 
nly other means could be found to 


n 
rity 
ро 
government 
st, were the accusations in an 


m, form 


T 


m 


versity say 


w 


hoi 


ion. abroad. 


Cer- 


incial assistance for these or- 
izations and lor similar ones when 
Our country needs to be represented 


abroad. What the CIA did was not only 
immoral but in the end worked 10 the 
detriment of our national interests, It 
seems at least a possibility, for instance, 
that the National Student Association will 
disband, Certainly its overseas operations 
will be drastically curtailed. Hencelort 
the credibility of all the organizations 
that received CIA funds—in some cases 
unwittingly—will be diminished. 

The CIA also supports foundations 
and cultural groups, а publishing firm 


Harrington, don't let him convince you!” 


“Now, for God's sake, 


155 


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for һурезы ‘Australia, 


ad even а few uade u The CIA 
director сап bring 100 fo to th 
country every year, totally exempt [rom 
our ion laws, Some supposedly 
spontaneous demonstiations by anti 
Castro Cubans and others may well have 
been inspired by the CI 
way of findi t lor sure. 

What kind of minds control this vast 
nization? For the most part, they 
ve been military in orientation. The 
fist director of the CIA was Rear Ad- 
miral Roscoe S, Hillenkoetter, a bri 
Annapolis graduate who speaks 


imm 


There is no 


three 
wes. He was succeeded in 1950 by 
al Walter Bedell Smith. 

In February 1953, Allen Dulles was 


appointed by President. Eisenhower to 
head the CIA. Dulles certainly brought 
remarkable experience and. tremendous 
zeal to his post. He had earned a bril- 
liam reputation as chief of the OSS in 
Switzerland. Educated at Auburn, Paris 
nd Princeton, a former English teacher 
in the F; à successful internation- 
al lawyer who knew personally many of 
the political and industrial leaders of Eu- 
rope. he was eminently qualified for the 
job. Besides, his brother was Secretary of 
Stat 

Dulles’ successor was John McCone, а 
man with white hair and a kind face. 
The American public learned little about 
him. He was not in the habit of giving 
imerviews or making speeches. |t is 
known, however. that he is а multimil- 
lionaire who made money in the ship- 
building business in wartime, directed 


the Panama Pacific Tankers Cc 
(which carries oil to the Middle E: 
and that he received an engineer's degree 


wni 


from the University of € 
192 

McCone was followed by Vice-Admiral 
William Francis Raborn, Ji U.S.N. 
(retired). Admiral Raborn h 
ived his ens 


country with distinction as а Naval officer 
through the years. He helped develop 
ачуз guided m 
псе. He became Director of Ci 
Intelligence in 1963 and was formerly 
deputy chief of Naval Operation 

The present ruler of the CIA 
Richand М. Helms, 53, 
graduate of Wi 
languages and 
ness for 25 years. 


appa 
ams, who speaks three 
been in the spy busi 
During World War 
“Two, he worked for the Office of Strategic 
Services and—alter a brief stay with the 
War Department’s intelligence unit—he 
joined the CIA when it was founded in 
1017. Unlike most of his predecessors, 
Helms is not a professional military man 
As п, he is presumably better 
uited to head this civilian agenc 

What kind of people work for the 
CIA? On the one hand, there is the vast 
number of employees who work in the 


a ci 


headquarters at McLean, Virgin 
in the various regional offices. Many of 
them are recruited on college campuses 
rom the ceam of the student body. All 
young people with excellent. educa- 
y of them Ph.Ds. Quite differ- 
the agents in the field. The 
secret agent must have ап 
ion of skills. He must 
be keen and sensitive, adept at lan- 
guages, at geography, at duplicity. He 
must be highly motivated and pa- 
triotic, willing to undergo dangers, yet 
always remain anonymous. But [rom the 
report on CIA operations in countries 
ike Laos and Guatemala, there is clearly 
steak of the adventurer in many of 
these individuals. They may not be as 
colorful or sartorially impeccable as 
James Bond, but a number of them have 
certainly shown themselves capable of 
equally highhanded, picaresque. behav- 
ior While many have proved themselves 
competent spies, fe the type to 
whom the American people would be 


tions, m 


ent 


are 


to tum for the fateful decision- 
making that have sometime: 
been left in their hands 


At the CIA's $46,000,000 “hidden” 
Langley. Virginia, the 
interior architecture is so designed that 
half the time, I am informed, one CIA 
employee hasn't the slightest idea what 
yone else in the place is up to. TI 
secrecy within secrecy may reinforce the 
security of the operation, but has been 
known to interfere with its efficiency and 
economy. The building contains some 
fantastic facilities—enough 10 gladden 
the heart of any spy-movie director in the 
world. There are special explosives, 
miniaturized weapons, invisible inks, ai 
electronic brain, а photorype robot with 
i designation of Intellol: 
library containing 200,000 
newspapers, books and other period 
he CIA's electronic brain can call up in- 
formation stored on 40,000,000 punch 
cards. 1 was amused to learn also that the 
CIA library harbors a gigantic collection 
of spy and mystery ste 
Allan Poe to lan Fleming. It is comlort- 
ing 10 know that if our boys ever run out 
of their own ideas, they can consult the 
creative masters in the field. 

All of these resources, of course, help 
account for the staggering sums fun 
neled through the CIA and the other 
gencies in our intelligence effort. Don't 
misunderstand те. If the CIA is our 
most hush-hush agency. t as 
it should be. If everything about it is 
kept under coser, the needs of the opera 
tion would зеет to require this. I would 
be the last to want to hamper СТА em- 
ployees from satisfactorily performing 
their important duties. But how can L as 
an elected representative of the people, 
be sure that this is happening? 1 know of 
ample evidence, which has come to light 
just in the past three years, to cause me 
to doubt the efficiency and good judg- 


headquarters 


ment of 
officials. 


some CIA employees and 
About some of the details I pre- 
fer to exercise the charity of my own si- 
Тепсе. The purpose of this article is not 
to impugn the motives of our intelligence 
people nor to hamper their legitimate 
work in protecting our interests, but to 
suggest а bener form of com 
nillions of taxpayers’ dollars аге being 
spent for the maintenance of this opera- 
tion, and the taxpayers are entitled at 
least to reliable assurance that money Гот 
the CIA is at all times being spent 
wisely. 

Twelve years ago, the Hoover 
mission recommended а joint Se 
House “watchdog” commitice to supervise 
the СТА. Primarily because officials of the 
CIA opposed it, t "dation 
was never implemented. 

1 recently introduced a legislative pro 
posal providing for a joint Congressional 
aster to the CIA 


recom: 


committee to serve as n 
watchdog and to monitor its act 
and expenditures. My bill proposes th 
a special committee be set up. composed 
es, one 
nd one minority member of 
cach of the House and Senate commit- 
tees on Armed Services, Appropriations 
and Foreign Relations. This joint Con- 
gressional committee would be empow- 
cred to hold regular executive or secret 
sessions and would be provided with 
adequate funds, space and stall. 

The present two informal committees 
—one in the Senate, the other in the 
House—have no staff whatever. They 
e composed of the chairmen and rank 
ing majority and minority members of 
the Appropriations and Armed Services 
committees of both houses. The mem 
bers of these two committees already 
»endous work load. 1 must 
say. ] was surprised when I learned that 
one very influential member of Congress, 
with considerable seniority and a fine 
record of personal and political achieve- 
ment, had stared sometime follow 
appointment to this committee, "I don't 
know much about the operations of the 
CIA and I don't want to know." Thats a 
shocking state of 

Our found 


€ a пе 


m who were the 
architects of our Constitution, gave the 
Senate the power to offer advice and 


consent to the President in m 


s with foreign nations and to advise 
1 consent to the appointment of cer 
n high ollicials in the Executive and 
branches of our Government. 
s alone is the source and 
must remain the source of all foreig 
policy legislation. Congress alone must 
decide the proper appropriations for lor 
eign assistance. I it is true that the CLA, 
however indirectly, is infringing on the 
responsibilities of the State Department, 
the Delense Department and the author- 
ity of Congress, this infringement must 
stop. 

I ha 


no way of proving that the CIA 


157 


PLAYBOY 


158 


is overstaffed. T have no way of proving 
that the CLA is spending too much of the 
taxpayers’ money. Neither can any other 
Senator or Representative. But we have 
suspicion. We do not 
cil iwo governments: enough 

In their eve opening book on the Cen 
The Invisible 


good reasons for 


iral Intelligence Agency 
Government, David Wise and Т 
В. Ross state: 


ble Government 
h 


Can the In 
ever be made Tully compatible w 
the democratic system? 

The answer is no. Tt cannot be 
made fully compatible. But. on the 
other hand, it seems inescapable that 
some form of Invisible Government 
is essential to national security їп 
time of Coll War, Therefore 
urgent necessity in such a n 
dilemma is to make the Invisible 
Government as reconcilable as possi- 
ble with the democratic system, aware 
that than а tenuou 
pro achieved. 


o mo 


ise can be 
What, then, is to be done? 


Most important. the public, the 
President and the Congress. must 
support steps to control the intel: 
ligence — establishment, 10 place 


checks on its power and to make it 
truly accountable, particularly in 
the arca ol special operations, 


The danger of special operations 
does not lie in tables of organization 
or questions of technique, but in 
embarking upon them 100 readily 
«without elective Presidential 
control Special operations pose 
dangers only to the natious 
ist which they are directed but 


not 


to ourselves. They raise the qu 
tion of how far a free society, in 
attempt 
ulate 


g 10 preserve itsel em 
closed society without be 


coming guishable from it. 


In our [ree society, the end cannot be 
construed to justily the means, The dan- 
zer of emulating the methods of our ene- 
mies is that we n find ourselves also 
parroting their morality, Those inside the 
secret ring ol the СТА are all too likely to 
succumb to the simple human fa 


ior 
havior. Objective evalu: 
sible elected. represent 
way to counteract this, That is the whole 
point of our constitutional system of 
decks and balances. Swashbuckling, du- 
plicitous, highhanded, adventurous һе 
havior is wemendously amusing in books 
and movies—the more the beter. But 
when dealing with the real world, and 
real human lives, secrecy and. duplicity 
Gumot be allowed to run amuck with our 
alety, prest anal 
well 


“the best 


and 


our our na 


А small joint committee on the С 
tral Intelligence Agency. such as I have 
proposed, would. prov 
necessary 10 prevent abuses of pow 
the СТА. It would assure that Cor 
is included in decisions vital 10 our na- 
tional security, in accordance with the 
provisions and intent of the Constitution 
of the United States, 

In the СТАЗ vast hideaway in Virgin- 
ia, the marble inscription on the left wall 
reads KAOW TE анти 
AND т JAKE YOU FREE. 


n- 


AND YE SHALL 
TRETH SHALL 


How about that? 


GRAND PRIX 


ontinued [тот page 91) 


concept of true, motor racing as а com- 
petition by fast cars over ordinary two 
lane roadway had been established as 
the ideal. 1t still is 
Some courses, like Le Mims 
Rheims in France, incorporaie 
hway; one, Silverstone in 
ba ed on а World W: irpe Wat 
kins Glen in the United States and the 
Nürburgring in Germany were designed 
nd built for racing, and si 


and 
regular 


land, 


Iwo 


multe road 
be 


lap. the’ Nürbi 
Monte Carlo, or, properly, Monaco, is 


m 
races 

n 

со, Holland, Germany, 
land, Taly, South Africa, 


la, the United States and Mexico. 
These are the races that count toward 
the world championship lor drivers and 
the championship for constructors, the 
pufacturers of the cars, on m of 
points for winning and placing. 
properly called. grandes éprenves—the 
word means “test,” or “iri i 
gue that only the oll European races 
andes épreuves, excluding such 
social climbers as Mexico and the United 
States. That 
number of Grand Prix races, that is, races 
тип to the standard set up by the world 
governing body of the sport, the Fédéra 
tion Internationale de Automobile, but 
it сап nominate only опе as its grunde 
epreuve, and this one is designated with 
the name of the country: the Grand Prix 
de France, and so on. The G.P. of the 
United Sunes is run over the 2.3.mile 
course in Watkins Glen. the Upstate New 
York village where An 
reestablished in 
he 


side, a country cm have a 


п road raci 


ici 
1048. 


the 


South African, run January ni 
Pedro Rodrigues won in а Cooper 
Maserati. Rodriguez had not won a € 


before. His primary reputation, and it is 
a formidable onc. is as а longdistance 
st. Pedro and his younger brother 
do began their Crees on the 
Mexican motorcycle circuits, They moved 
to sports cars and Ricardo we icc ar 
Riverside in Calilornia belore he was 
old enough to have a license to drive on 
the rad, He was killed im practice for 
the Grand Prix of Mexico in 1962. 

The 
tem was set 
and nine vi 
Onc 


drivers’ work championship sys 
p only recently, 
n have held the title since 
Juin Manuel. Fangio of Argen 
won it five times; Jack. Brabham of Aus- 
tralia. the current holder, three times 
and Jim Clark of Scotland and. Alberto 
Ascari of Daly, twice cach. Опе Ате 
can has been champion: Phil Hill in 
1961. Fangio won 21 Grand Prix races 


during his career. Clark, next highest 


ranked, has so far won 20. British drivers 
have dominated the field for more than a 
decade. 

It is usual. in. American journalism. 10 
qualify the Champion's title. the ordinary 
form being "road-racing champion of the 
world.” This is a gratuitous and egregious 
enor. The fac is that dhe champion 
of the work is jus thats the umi 
boss, properly ranked over the lesser 
talents who drive only stock curs. midg 


ack 


E 


саг 


sporis cars, 
The C 
train over which 
he moves it, demand all of the separate 
skills of the other and lower categories. 
raised to the nth power. It is basic to an 
understanding of the fantastic level of 
skill required to drive а G. P. car flat out 
to know that it has nothing whatever to 
do with driving a two-seater sports car at 
100 miles an hour on a parkway: there is 
virtually no connection between the two 
things, save one so tenuous as to be anilo- 
gous to that between a hand-cranked 
hurlygurdy and a cathedral o 
Thus, the really great Grand Prix driver 
can drive anything. Не сап outmatch 
the specialists in their own fields. Exam- 
ples abound, Stirling Moss of England, 
probably the greatest 
lived, was as capable in sports cars as in 
Grand Prix, He won the most demanding 
of all sportscar races, the 1000-mile cross- 
country Mille Miglia, at the highe 


ul so on. 


and the 


driver who ever 


recorded, almost 100 miles 


age speed eve 
п hour, which meant doing 175 on slip- 
two-line roads. and into cities 
at 150, He won the coveted Coupe des 
Alpes of the Alpine Rally, а мост 
event, three times in successi 

having lost 
plished 


n for 


not 


single point. a feat accom 
у once before. He drove land 
speedrecord. сат» and he drove k: 


When Jimmy Clark cime to Ind 


apelis in 1963, moguls of the "500" 
establishment. parochial as Tibetans 
unlettered and naive, were merry at the 


prospect of а "sporty-car” driver pitted 
ist the brutal reality of the “Brick- 
and the hairy men who ran on it. 
as far as 
skill matured, Clark could blow olf any 
driver in the place when and where he 
pleased. Two years later, having sorted 
out problems of rules, rubber and pit 
crews, he did just that, There were those 
who were astonished, because Indianap- 
olis was the first big track race Clark. had. 
tried, They need mot have been. Jack 
Brabham nin for years on Ausuralian dirt 
tracks. It was valuable schooling, but he 
didn't learn how to drive, in the full 
sense ob the word, to 
Europe. 

Of every 100 men who attempt a seri- 
ous stab at Grand Prix racing, talented 
men with good backgrounds in other 
kinds of driving, two or three will, in the 
course of anything up to five years, make 


yad 
It was instantly obvious tha 


in 
he went 


hey will step into the ring of 20 or so 
drivers who are imernationally “ranked, 
which is to say, licensed 10 drive Grand 
s. OF this number. р 1 
rod euough to be serious con 
tenders lor the world championship; one 
out of five of this group will almost cer 


X са 


will be 


tainly win it, In some years there may be 

he will not nec 
essarily be the champion—so incredibly 
skilled that he approaches the eerie. In 
its 72 y . motor racing 
has produced five such: Tazio Nuvolari, 
Rudolf Caracciola, Juan Manuel Fangio. 
Stirling Moss and Jimmy Clark. MI of 


one out of the top fisc- 


them were clearly gifted far beyond 
common capacity. and all remarkable for 
obsessive single-mindedness and blind- 


ing concentration. 

Concenuation is the single most valu- 
able attribute of a Grand Prix driver 
suming he has the ordinary armorarium 
ol needled skills. It is easy to see why. 
Think of yourself in a car that will do 
) miles an h „ on the Bonneville 


ileJevel ten miles ahead, marked on 
1 surface by a six-inchwide tar 
black line. One mile from the end of the 
course. you have arranged for two brighi- 
red flags to be stuck. into the salt, so that 
you will have time to brake. You have 
only to crank the car up to 190, keep it 
ssonably close to the black line, and 
p it gradually. For miles a 


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ig you can run into. In this 
tion, so placid in the telling, 
xd yourself concentrating until 
your head hurts, because once you have 
passed 125 miles an hour, a single coarse 
movement of the steering wheel, a bun- 
gled gear shift, a panic lunge at the 
brake is enough to start the car sliding, 
10 roll it, and to kill you. 

Now, put yourself in the situation of a 
Grand Prix driver running in the race 
that usually opens the season: the Grand 
Prix of Monaco. You are wearing flame- 
proof underwear and Iameproof over- 
alls, leather gloves and the best helmet 
the aviation industry can produce and 
mone { 5 cover the 
top half of your face. For the rest, you 
tic on a mask of white flameproof cloth. 
You are now firepioof—for а maximum 
of 30 seconds, If you're not ош of tli 
burning car by then, all bets are off. You 
have lowered yourself into the vehicle 
by stretching your arms over your he 
and tucking them into the car afterward, 
You have just enough arm movement to 
turn the steering wheel through the lim- 
ited arc it requires and по flip the gear 
shift lever through its 4, 5 or 6 slots. You 
are going to get tired of that, because 
you'll have to shift every three to five 
seconds for two hours and 10 minutes: 
about 2500 times—and 2500 dutch- 
pedal movements. You'll put the brakes 
on as hard as you know how 600 times, 
The cur has been set up, ог chass 
tuned, 10 your precise requirements, 
which may have made it almost undriv 
able by another man. You may prefer that 
it understeer a bit in the corners, tending 
to go straight, or plow, where another 
driver would rather have the rear end 
swing our. Within reason, your mechan- 
ics will adjust the car to do anything you 
like, to help you in your basic problem, 
which is to make it go just as fast as it 
possibly can every foot of the way. Th 
s holding it at a speed jus a hair 
under the rate at which it will lose all 
tire adhesion and Пу off the road into the 
. If you go slower, everyone will 
pass you; faster, yo 
nd probably into the hospital. Every- 
thing is complicated by the fact that you 
are going to race through city streets, 
nowhere more than two s wide. 
Monte Carlo is a hilly city, and you are 
going to go steeply up and steeply down; 
те going to go through rightangle 
s, hairpins, fast bends; once a lap 
you аге going through а tunnel (at about 
115) so curved that you can't sce the exit 
from the entrance, and will have to liope, 
100 times, that no onc is sliding crosswise 
in front of you. Out of the tunnel you 
will howl along an unfenced water front. 
High curbs, marble and granite build- 
ss windows, trees and wa- 


there's поп 
simple si 
you will 


me 


Il be out of the race 


ter border the circuit. There is not a yard 
of g which a driver can make 
the sl ake and not pay for it, 


in lost time, damage to the car or ir 
10 himself. 

No two circuits are alike. The Nü 
burgring has 176 bends, and rises and falls 
5000 feet. ndvoort, in Holland, lies 
in dune country. A strong wind blows off 
the sea and lays sand, nearly as slippery 
as oil at high speeds, on the corners. At 
Spa, in Belgium, it nearly always rains. 
Las year the weather was clear at the 

ing line, but halfway around the 
8.7mile circuit the whole field of cars, 
running about 140 mph, slammed into a 
in. Because he must constantly 
adjust to changes in his environment 


- cw fast in trafic requ 
five decisions a second), the driver must 
function at a high efficiency without 
ption, and he must have unusual 
equipment to begin with, Most G. P. driv- 
cis are slightly but strongly built. (Big 
men are unusual) They have notable 
ndurance and they recuperate quickly 
from injury. They are rarely ill. 

It's hard to think of one who is not 
physically compelling in one м 
other, and since women are irresistibly 
attracted to men, no matter what they 
look like, who are conspicuously wealthy 
or conspicuously brave, racing drivers 
con move centered in shoals of good. 
looking women. The committed ones— 
Wives, mistresses, friends—cluster around 
the pits, and the closer they are to the 
drivers the more likely they'll be actively 
helping, scoring, timekeeping, whatever. 
They want (0 be busy, they don't 
t it's like on the 
about what may happen out 
The others, most of them attached 
to men of lesser rank than drivers, men 
ed with the sport in any capacity 
т manager to spectator, flo 
about looking madly glamorous in hip- 
huggers or golden-leaher miniskirts. The 
drivers ane not n o»memarily 
diverted. "The girls, they know, will be 
around forever, but this race, today, will 
ver be run 
A London psychologist, Berenice Krik 
ler, made the only study of the G. P. driv- 
er I know, using as a simple five of the 
top tankers, including two world cham- 


ме than n 


pions. She found that they were well 
above their na levels i i- 
gence; that their motor reaction times 


were, on average, no faster than those of 
a contol group of nondrivers, bur that 
they were capable, when motivated, of 
reaction times quite beyond those of the 
control group, and were particularly fast 
in foot reaction; that their concentration 
was superior, equal to that of college 
graduates of higher intelligence than 
theirs; that their mental speed was be- 
low average in relaxed circumstances but 
extraordinarily high when they were put 
under stress. (Most people, of course, react. 
oppositely.) They were nonimpulsive, 
ail, patient, persistent, 


and very realistic in the goals 
set for themselves. They felt somewl 
detached from ordinary life, and took a 
great sense of exhilaration, power 
control out of driving, so much so as to 
indicate that retirement is probably hard 
er for а race driver than for any othe: 
comparable professional. The root fasci- 
nation for the driver lies in his control 
over a vehicle that combines brute power 
hd great delicacy, with high stakes 
riding on his maintenance of this control: 
wealth, fame, life or death. 


they 
1 


Wealth is probably the least of it. One 
or two drivers at the top of the tree may 
get into the 5100.000 а-усаг bracket, 


sometimes perhaps quite a little way into 
it, but most are pleased to do 520.000 or 
530.000 а усаг. Оп European circuits, 
first. prize for a big race may be less than 
53000, to be shared with the owner of 
the car. (First prize at Indianapolis in 
1966 was worth over $150,000 to Gra 
ham Hill, the 1962 world champion who 
won) The driver will take up to 51000 

ı “starting money,” paid if he begi 
the race, regardless of where he finishes. 
5 driver will have contracts 
nufacturers of everything from 
s to toothpaste, and these can bri 
him $50,000 a year, or $1000, depe 
ing upon how well he did the season be 
The percen of owner-c 
splits are tightly held secrets, but they 
ге not often as good as 50-50. The driv 
er's solution would seem to be to race his 
own car, but the cost is so nearly prohibi 
rive that there are only three men uying. 
Joakim Bonnier, a Swede, and Guy 
Ligier, of France, are independently 
wealthy: Bob Ande lishimau, 
actually makes racing support him, a feat. 
Tor which he is held in awe. 

Another factor militating against pr 
vateers is that the racer manufac. 
turers will not sell cars as good as those 
they propose to rum themselves. The 
only private. patron still trying to buck 
the factories is Rob Walker of the John- 
ny Walker Scotch whisky firm, Walker's 
financial resources are of course. ample, 
but no amount of money will buy а du 
plete of Enzo Ferraii’s or Jack Brab- 
ne car. Walker has had his 
atest races 

Walker-owncd. 
Walker car had 
—and, in the old 


nd Pris 
British sports tradition, | 
go on as long as he h 
ning and as long as the tax people will let 
him: but when he finally steps aside, 
unlikely anyone will take up the torch 
The major firms currently building 
Formula 1 cars ше Honda of Japan, Fer- 
rari of Italy, All-American Racers of the 
United States, McLaren, Brabham, Lo- 
tus, Cooper and BRM of Great Britain. 
Ferrari and Lotus sell passenger ci 
limited. numbers, as does Honda, which 
lo has а broad supportive base in 


We're not saying you don't need and self-conscious? And started to 
a conventional tuxedo. But there ar squirm. Is not that your tuxedo was 
times when you need something less ghi. It's just that you weren't loose. 
—well, less formal.Sowe Or how about the 
added a new kind of for- times your wife got all 
malwear toour collection. dressed up in a new 

Wecall it the Informal cocktail dress that just 
Formal. knocked you out? And 

What you get with the you put on your good 
Informal Formal is a tropical suit. And 
whole different look. Which, in turn, you just didn’t make it. 
gives you a whole different feeling. You'd have made itinan 
You know, all dressed up. But in a Informal Formal 

What you do is hang one 
between your tropical suit 
and your tuxedo, And 
when the time comes 
(as it must in every man’s 
life) when you don’t 
know whether to 
reach forthe tropi- 
cal or the tux, you reach for this. 

You can wear the Informal For- 


mal to lots of places. 
For example, dinner and dancing 
at the Club —on a Tuesday night. 
Ata romantic candlelight dinner 
for two— with domestic champagne. 
To a very expensive supper club 
casual kind of way. And how many —when you're only sitting at the bar. 
times have you wished for that? You get the idea. 
How many times. for instance. Now, why not get the Infor- 
have you felt just a little overdressed mal Formal? 


чо & MARKET STS PHILA, 


BAD TIONAL, CONTEMPORARY, AVANT GARDE, АМО ALL ES FROM. 
THE AMEPICAS, NY 


indusuy. Brabham manufactures racc 
cars for sale and bas sold 250 of them 
(Formula 11, Formula HI. Formula Jun 
jor), which makes him a General Mo- 
tors—like gi Id in which the sale 
of a dozen cars is a big deal. MeLaren— 
a firm headed, like п. and Dan 
Gurncy’s All-American Racers, by a 
New Zealander Bruce Mc 
al Prix. cars. Cooper 
has a profitable backup in modifying 
"r cars to go faster than stand 
ird. All-American Racers sells Папар. 
olis cus, Gurney: Weslake cylinder: heads, 
and has had oil and tire sponsors 

In the beginn 


PLAYBOY 


пасе cams were Tast 
versions of passenger cars by the same 
Hers, and. their costs were reasonably 
ged to advertising, In the 1930s, the 
vermments under 
subsidized Grand 
s instruments ol national 
ambit that reached 
zenith in the monster Auto-Union and 
Mercedes-Benz. Gus running just be 
World War Two. One ol 
Mercedes-Benz of 193 


Today prop 
wanda is still the root support behind 


but it is commerce 


alistic in. purpose. An oil company 
allocate 5500.000 a year to racing. to 


be able to ;dvertise th 
the G.P. of Мані on Blo gasoline 
and oil. lt was to make this support. pos 
sible that exotic lucls based on alcohols. 
were forbidden in. Grand. Prix racing 
Ic vor of gasoline 
tion 

same 


ңә, ro be sure, but gus just the 
the 130. 


Ihe connection. betwee 
odane fuel in ai G. P. cu and th 
m an MG in Birmi 
of course, but it sells gasoline. Only 
three companies make racing tires today 
=. Dunlop, Goodyear. The com- 
mong them is fierce and on a 
aday basis. Spark-pl 
imer of people 
lumped as accessory suppliers ате wil 
to buy some of the publicity value of 
Grand Prix rac For the buiklers of 
whole cars, it’s а Title tougher, А sports 
un {икт car саз look а lot 


petition 
makars, 


battery companies, all m; 


The well behaved suit 
eR for the man 
Nd who won't behave 


showroom sedan— rhus 


the millions it cost Ford to win Le M 
ently and usefully sp 
hard for ihe ave 
A cool dimension in fine raiment... for the man on the яо thes [Сеше Die sao wagon (аса Lorne А 

nd Prix саг is mot а desirable con 
active man .. . the jet set тап... whose business or pleasure may take | umer device 


. Irom Tokyo to Topeka. Globe Circler, a blend of Advocates of sports i 


2 А 3 gerous or immoral have 
Mohair, Dacron'and Worsted has the true lustre of high fashion... | oucetul in fose 
at | them. Bosing. as ugly an endeavor as 
4 б : Ў has been sanctioned lor public display in 
9 AM. Distinctively styled for the man in a шту... ideal for Spring | time, is touted as character-building. 
and Summer's busy schedule. See it at fine stores everywhere. Until it became totally absurd, tlic c 


wad willy supportive of horse racing 
12 MÍ WIE CD INC. И BUFFALO ani NEW. YORK у зир 


motorist to 


are dull, dan 
Iways been re 
and defending 


him anywhere . . 


keeps ils crease, resists wrinkles .. . looks as good at 9 PM as it di 


was, "it improves the breed.” Flecter 
iage horses, sturdier draft animals 


c 
were 
asked to believe, because of the Men- 
delian pressures built up on the tracks, 
The boredom of baseball was excused on 
ime was 
a 


lable, our grandfathers were 


the ground of patriotism, the 
held to be as American as apple pie 
European culinary invention, by the 
way. Motor racing has its own cliché: 
“The race car of today is the passenger 
car of tomorrow." This line is most often 
hustled by motoring journalists anxious 
to inflate the importance of the field they 
cover and by racetrack promoters. It is 
completely without substance, The Ene 
Laurence. Pomeroy, the foremost world 


uuthority on Grand Prix automobiles, 
wrote, “Nearly all the worthwhile in 
bilim had been 


ventions of autc 
in the Patent Ollie belore the 
| Prix of 1906, and the few re- 
discoveries virt cided 
with the carly period of Grand Prix rac 


E 


Шу co 


He goes o" to list 12 basic 


ntions. all of which have repeatedly 
been claimed as originating in racing. 
and. none of which did. He might have 
added two dozen other things, from. the 
automatic transmission and power steer- 
ing to the limited slip differential, to disk 
brakes, all of whieh came to racing long 
alter their use by civilians. 1 did believe 
for years that motor racing had con- 
wibuted one thing то the general wel- 
fare: the rearview mirror. P believed 
and even, mea culpa, lay down on paper 
that Ray Ha 
dianapolis "500" race, had de 
rearview mirror because he proposed. to 
run the race alone, without the usual rid 
ing mechanic to tell | 
on astern. This jolly little fable was late 
ly blown out of the water by one Thom 
Skeer of Woodbridge, Virginia. Writ 
guine Road & Track, Mr 


roun, who won the first In 
ised the 


n what was 


10 the ma 
Skeer avers that the rearview was pat 
ented (No. 516,910) in 1894—for use on 
bicydes. He deserves а vote of thanks. It 
is enough that automobile racing has 
produced such. nonutilitarian. devices. as 
seats made out of gas tanks and engines 
that will turn at the unlikely rate of 200 
times a second. The rest is hypocrisy 
One docs not hear the Swiss argue that 
ropes developed. Гог mountain. dimbing 
have meant stower clotheslines for the 
housewile. The Spanish would deny that 
the comida de toros has improved the 


breed of 


ything except the bulls, and 


that only to make them more nearly ab 


; except Kill 


horses and men, Grand Pris. racing 


solutely useless for anytl 


milarly should be its own justification 
There are few endeavors in which men 
voluntarily add Ше risk 10 the produc 
g spectacle. 
That is enough. More should not be 


asked. 
a 


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GOOD FORTUNE (continued from page 82) 


say so, fortuneteliers say so. So they 
wait.” 


“But if the boy has gone with 
йе...” 
The dry leaves in the old man's throat 


in, and when the doctor 
wd suddenly 
ies you to village. He 
for viciory. He 
his 
to 


were rustling 
slated he was Gueful a 
“He wele 
alates your Arm 
cooperati 
He asks only 


his {а 


nily, 


promise 


friends. 


permission 


? Sure he сап wait," said the 
sergeant. “Whatever he's 
But tell him he can start cope 
right now. Tell him that wc gotta spr 
this place and them with DDT now." 

The docor looked away. “Nobody 
sick here. Looks clean. 

“L know. but we got orders. 

"OK." the doctor said, "OK 
spoke again to the weathered face of the 
father. АП this time the girl sat unmov- 
ing. Bur it was not repose: It seemed 100 
for that. Even her breathing was 
controlled, invisible. She was wound up 
tight, concentrating on the moment, al» 
sorbing every word, hearing every clink 
па shuflle behind her. I was sure that 
she knew, without turni of 
us were there, and what we carried and 
what we looked like; and suddenly 1 had 
the sensation that she also knew what 1 
was thir and t thought desire 
plunged through me, followed by sha 
Bue then the doctor started t 
1 all reve 
you 


waiting 


father’s words 
1 told 
o. He says you c 
ay. He 


n what 
house to 
чу 


ays, 


not enter 


ys, you go in house, yo 


you 
you 


you must kill 
ybe gi 


and 


We all stared into the seamed face of 
c old man. His glittering eyes stung 
ch of us in turn and passed оп. For a 
long moment no c one 
spoke; we stood in a frieze, an invisible 
drawn betwee three people in 
the house and the four of us in the mud 
of the courtyard. There was sun 
shine, dazzling on the white garment of 
the old man, a gleam of red lacquer 
deep in the shadows of the room beyond 
the girl, her blueblack hair, and the 
praule of the stream. I felt the dust gun 
heavy id, and heard, from th 
woods behind the house, an unfamiliar 
birdcall, lonesome and sweet. 

Finally the sergeant found his voice. 
“Tall Papasan we have do spray 
there's nothing he can do about it. Tell 
him what DDT is, about typhus and 


ne moved, 


and about all the people who are sick in 
his village. Tell him it won't hurt her. 
Tcl him.” 

Th sighed and He 
spoke sofily and the old man watched 
and listened, and still the girl 
move and the young boy gl 
were damp with . our uniforms 
We carried weapons and the rude 
dust guns, and our boots were covered 
with mud and filth. And then I looked at 
the old man in his brilliant white robe, 
and at the girl in her carmine skirt and 
embroidered yellow jacket, and at the 
blucsilk cushion and the ribbon her 
hair. And I wondered if the hygiene le 
son was as incomprehensible to them. 
who understood the lingua й was 
to me, lor whom the sounds wi 
meaningless. 

At length the doctor finished ind it 
was the old man’s turn, He gestured to- 
ward the girl, and to us, and it seemed 
he shook. head. “OK.” said Ше doctor. 
“1 think DDT OK. But he say girl dean 
she wash body every day, no lice, no 
typhus here, This clean house, he sv 
This virgin girl. Man never touch her. If 
п touch her wedding dress, specially 
if СІ wuch her, she cannot marry, But 
he say DDT OK, but he will give DDT. 
и DDT boy, he will watch, then he 
I DDT the girl.” 
sergeant sighed. "OK." he said. 
order from the old. man, the boy 
stood up. Taking my dust 
geant stepped up on the flat stone under 
the portico, Th ne to him 
the sergeant pumped powder 
boy's sleeves, a ck in front 
nd back, and up the legs of his trousers 


doctor 


began. 


red 


swe: 


. the ser 


с boy 


1 down his 


around the 
ior 


and down 
ach oper: 


waistband. For 
he gently turned the boy 
» could sec what he was 
doing. The boy's eyes narrowed and his 
lips set tight; and still the girl h 
stirred. When the sergeant was finished, 
he walked over and handed ihe duste 
up to the father. The old man took i 
holding it backward, muttered 
something, 

“He is very sad." the doctor u 
lated. “He says again, she wash ever 
day, not sick. He think maybe DDT very 
bad thing for bride, for virgin.” 

The sergeant’s voice tightened. "You 
just tell him it won't hurt her, and that if 
t. L will.” And he hitched 
und so that the old man 
would be reminded of it. 

The father studied the sergeant, nod- 
ded slowly and walked around to face 
the girl. Words fluttered from his mouth, 
long sentences, and he seemed to bow 
slightly. We waited. And then, in slow 
motion, like wood smoke drifting up- 
ward on a calm day, the girl rose to her 
Tull height. tall as the le 
The fall of black hai g suaight for 
half her length, glossy and cool, and the 
k ribbon at the end swayed saucily. A 
all red flower, like those of the g 
fell from h 
ure was hidden within her 
billowing red skirt; but in the soft coi 
tour of shoulder and neck, there wits 
sign enough of youth, grace and beauty 
to kindle us all. We knew she felt our 
stares and that somehow she was fencing 
lust: Tall and erect though she 
stood, she was poised to spring away if 
we approached too near. or to vanish en 
tirely by some stroke of girlish magic. 1 
heard the st dcall again, m 


so the old n 


d not 


and 


5- 


old man, 
hu 


land on the ga 


lap to the 


with ou 


eh 


“I never met a man I didn't like." 


165 


PLAYBOY 


166 


now, and fancied that it сате from with: 
in the house. 
The old n spoke and the girl lifted 


ard her father. Her hands 
gely small and pale 
ed the snout of 
the dust gun under one cull and looked 
и the м. The sergeant nodded 
The man mwiddled the handle and 
Dlinked in bewilderment when nothing 
happened. 

"Harder." said the sergeant, making a 
fist and pushing the air. The father mat 
tered what sounded like a curse, planted 
his feet wide and pumped the gun vigor 
ously. His eyes were moist, We could see 
some white powder puff out through the 
pores of the long lemon-vellow. sleeves, 
but the girl stood rigid. The old n 
anced at us again, took a deep bre 
d started on the other sleeve. Abrupt 
ly, the doctor turned away and studied 
the label on a boule of pills. But the 
three of us, hoping that the girl would 
have to turn, could not unfasten our eyes 
Пот the back of her head. 

When the sleeves were done, the old 
man turned pleading eyes on us again 
but the sergeant pulled at his own belt 
and pointed inside his trousers and into 
his shirt. For a second longer, the old 
man watched the sergeants face, weigh 
ng, wondering. Then he spoke sofily to 
the girl. Her arms came down and the 
back of her high waistband tightened as 
she pulled it out in front Over his 
daughter's shoulder the father gazed 
looking at us and beyond, as if he could 
somehow lesen the insult of the thing 


ery 


1 


ser 


by counting the wees along the hilltop 
acrow the valley; and the sprayer 
worked briskly in his hands. 


It could have ended ther 
No one really thought that the dus 
the tial, and 1 
the sergeant, when he first 
not lead to. 
Now he I his orders and he 
could have halted the performance. Bu 
the evem was running and no one 
thought to turn it off: we were all caught 
up in it, desperate to see the face of the 
girl. So when the father looked to us 
again, the sergeant painted to the girl’ 
back with one hand and to his own with 
the other. 

And now the old man had а problem: 
то turn the girl or 10 come around and 
dust her from our side. He considered, 
and whispered a phrase. Smoothly, as if 


‚1 suppose. 


ig of 
m sure that 
isted. had 


ivl was ess 


would 


bey 


she were on a turntable, the bride 
moved around to face us, her hair glis- 
tening in the sunlight. 


The face we saw was small. eternal 
and composed, the living model for all 
the ivory dolls in all the curio shops in all 
the Бам. It was a shockingly young face. 
cam smooth and glowing with a gold- 
єп tint that was only partly embarrass- 
meni. Her lips, damp like the red flow 
she had gathered, were slightly parted, 
but she knew the danger of smiling at 
strangers on her wedding day. From her 
moist brown eves—wide, profound and 
screne—áan oceanic gare Javed over us, 
floating us one by one to an ancient 
peaceful land. of pagodas and silks and 
strange music, the Orieut of the picture 


“Wait ll she gets directly underneath it.” 


books. 1 thought 1 heard 
and for a loug dream, in the iustam she 
looked at me, the guns had never fired. 


Then the tide of her eyes receded; she 


emple bell 


anl we were 


chopped us one at а dr 
discarded, Houndering and gasping 
the war village at valley's 
head. 


It was over ìn a minute, The girl stood 
motionless and р 
pumped DDT 


skin. Then 


ther 
her 
solt 


tiem while her 
back of 
her 


imo the 


blouse and small, 


hands gathered the folds of her skirt to 
gether, But before she knelt again, she 
looked out over our heads, and at that 
instant 1 heard the bird once more, The 

id caught her breath; 


a smile tug; 
опе word. 
“What did 
from thice 
“The bird.” s 
you call it 
"Nightiug 
Again the girl spoke, 
looked at us. 
“She asks, do you have nigh 
your co 
Nigh 
No," 


her lips, and she spoke 


she say?" The questio 


cai ob us. 


«d the doctor. “What do 
s I think. She said. 


ше, 


idt ic she 


les i 


asked the sergeant 
Tell her we do not have 


our coun 


The doctor transkited, and the girl lis 
tened. She still stood with the folds of 
nine skirt gathered in her h 
amd when the doctor had f 
sank gently down again to kneel upon 
her blue and rocked back upon 
her rded us for the last 
time. She was not smiling now, but 
her t s made fast 
there passed. between. us а wave 
aderness that l, m 
began to rejoice—and the 
sorrow in tha 


the 


ished, sli 


cushion 


heels, and ге 


whe 


asur 


aden ey 
ton 


of such t 


aking it, 
the 
‚ and felt the pity in 
it, and could not bear to look at her. She 
spoke then. and her voice was grief. and 
опе white hand took the fallen flower 
amd carried it gently back to her lap. 
Deep in the woods the nightingale sang 
- Then the old man slid shut the 
r on his child. 

/" the doctor stammered 
- «her words, like this: “Tam 


I saw 


gaze 


"She 


sorry for you. What a poor country yours 


must be if it has no nightingales. 

We dusted the old n 
ried out of that courty 
ried through the ren 


» and we h 
d. and we hur 
nder of our task 
the passing out of rice, the burials, the 
inoculations. I do remember that 
part clearly, But in the days and weeks 
that followed, 1 know I listened often for 
the song of the nightingale, and s 


not 


times E thought I heard it, in those rare 
pments when the mortars were still, 
when I waited, swe in my foxhole 


ck to beg 


QUARREL mus prom page 95) 


noises. She just said, “Hi, Buckley,” and 
stroked the top of his head with a thumb 
id gave him back and I put him back 
in his pocket and pretty soon heard the 
little crackling as he got going on one 
of the peanuts. So then the Ellie basket 
Jooked at her watch and gave Kaberrian 
a liule housewifey smacko and went olf, 
and he looked dreamy as he saw her de- 
part, and it is worth adn that she 
walked very girl in every 

“Museum,” he explained. "Front desk. 
She drew the Sunday trick this week.” 

L sat down beside him and said, with 
maybe a little acak in my voice, "What 
happened, Kaberrian? What happened to 

ч? 

So he told me he got married. He told 
me they had an apartment, even. He 
told me he had a job. In a store. Selling 
high-fidelity schlock. Tape recorders, 
certainly, Those years crazy Kaberr 
spent trying to use tape recording to 
make accidental plays the way painters 
get accidental paintings, he learned 
enough he could tell Ampex which way 
to go. 

It hurt me. So I explained how every- 
ple tendency to give 
up the ind fink 
off. and start. dying of conformity 
plastic coffee. But when he 


1 ont 


yawning, I had the idea 1 wasn’t getting 
io him. 
"So I know what happened, Kaber- 
rian. So now tell me how.” 
So he yawned again, looking sleepy, 
happy and sold out in the park in the 
ine, and he talked about months 


sunshine, 
and months ago in that wallcup pad he 
had on 1th Street, а room 10 by 19, 
maybe, and so full of electronics one 
guest at а time was absolute tops, and 
then it had to be a very friendly guest. 
An empty room on cach side of him. 

“On the same day, Noonan, into one 
moves this ЕШе bird, and into the other 
moves her buddy. this Geolirey Free 
man. playwright. It is always Geoffrey 
the whole name, and he has never got 
past a second act on anything, but calls 
himself a playwright, by God." 

"Тһе inner reality is the truth by 
which ке... 

“Shut up. Noonan. What it is, I find 
out as soon as 1 breadboard me a iig 
with some sensitive induction mikes, is 
love. She will not exactly live in the 
same room with him, but she is the only 
ng bread, and she pays both 
s, cooks, cleans, everythin 
ally I got the play I've be 
for. on account of it is a comment on 
everything. You cannot believe how 
square is that little birl. She has such a 
f in all the old-timy value 


could make you lie down and cry your 
eyes out for the pity of it all, or make 
you laugh. yourself to sick, They do not 
get along so great. The playwright is us- 
ing the little bird. HE he finishes a play it 
will be crud, so the safest way is nı 
finish onc. 

^p think that the fights are going to 
give me k of һай тїй four-track 
thirty-six-hundred-foot tapes, PIL have to 
scrounge the whole village to keep up. 
and I think that sooner or later they are 
going to say everything anybody can say 
about rhe lousy man-woman rela 
ship. I ат going to call the play Quarrel. 
І am going to edit so they are always 
nswering cach other on different levels. 


ver 


Nice resonance, Noonan baby. The 
shape of it is he fakes up this hurt pride 
on account of being supported, and then 


she gets all humble, and then he calls 
her a peasant who can't understand like 
the delicate fiber of his creative soul, and 
so on and so on. So I get me five ugly 
sessions, I think three im her pad and 
two in his, You know what? Hallway 
through number six, I kill the tape. It is 
the same quarrel! Every time the sam 
A couple of lule switches here and 
there, Not enough to matter. I tape onto 
ad пу editing and keep coming 

up with nothing. Speed changes, echo 
effects, nothin 
“One time T 
to figure out a rout 
the pickup. he sounds like a rusty 


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167 


PLAYBOY 


168 


So all of a sudden I've got 
approach to the whole schme: 
I am going to call it Duet. Remember 
Snake? What he can do with that dari- 
net when he's on just the right amount of 
pot? I put together the best hunks of all 
the quarrels, made forty minutes of it, 
then got Snake up to listen. He dug it 
twice through, and then the third time 
around he got the idea of how to do it, 
and I had him play right with her each 
time she talked, and recorded it on an 
empty track, Man, he did that crying 
part at the end just perfect! Snake dug 
up a type named Walker, who needed 
gin instead of pot to warm up. and 
Walker did the playwright lines on an 
glish horn. 

“Noonan, it took me three weeks of 
work to get that thing mixed and re- 
ped and edited and smoothed out just 
the way I wanted it. Duet, а tone poem 
for voice, Clarinet and English horn in 
three movements, First. movement. I 
started ight voice, Ellie and 
Geoffrey chewing on each other, and I 
faded him out and brought up the horn 
to take over for him. Walker made that 
hom bleat and moan and grumble just 
like the playwright. Second movement, 
voices again, but with her fading out and. 
the clarinet coming up to take over for 
her. T third and last was the great 
опе. I faded both voices out it 
turned into an instrumental duet, and in 
the last five minutes I'd bring in him i 
sead of the hor id then her instead 
of the inet, and 1 found a way to 
wind it up just right. 1 had one place 


with st 


where she said, close to tears, ‘Why do 
you hate me so?' So Т put that on repeat, 
and when she the third time I 
mixed in the clarinet for that same 
‘Three together, and I faded 
little bit and brought him up. 
“You've never understood me.’ I 
спу 
. so T overlapped for a 
counterpoint effect, brought up the horn 
to go along with him and then—get this 
ed the clarinet with Ais line, and. 
the horn with hers, and brought up the 
gain to all the tape would take. and sud- 
denly chopped it off into dead silence, 
and, man, it would make lor the blood to 
run cold, indeed. 

“Noonan, everybody was nuts about 
it, But you know what the real test had 
10 be. Sure. So one night 1 nailed them 
in the playwright’s pad and said I had 
tape, and. 
when they were uying to brush me, I 
said they were on the tape, so she turned 
pale and he turned red and they let me 
set up my good portable 1 built most of 
1 bring in two of the speakers Marty 
built for me that time, and I set it up 
nd Kicked off. They were on the couch. 
The first couple of minutes he kept 
g to jump up. yelling about suing 
and invasion and degenerates, but she'd 
hush B ak him back, and listen 
with s and her eyes 
narrow and her lips sucked white. 


something they should hear oi 


“They got real still, and all of a sud- 
ter about the first two minutes of 


den 
the straight instrumental duet, the liule 
bird threw her head back and she started 


“Now, let's see if I have this straight, Mrs. 
Ames—you say your husband is accusing you of infidelity?” 


est 


roaring with laughter. Tt was the 
gutsiest happiest laugh you ever һе 
come out of a Tittle bird like . 
Then he was tying to shush her, and he 
couldn't and he missed the end because 
he went running out and banged the 
door behind him. The end broke her up 
the rest of the way, She laughed so hard 
she cried, Not hysteria, The other kind 
of laugh«ry. Me, too. Laughed until we 
hurt. She doesn’t call it the time we 
laughed. She calls it The Cure. Once 
you laugh that hard with a bird, Noo- 
nan, all you can do is marry it. Which I 
did." 

“What, what, what?" I said. 

“The beard got smaller the more she 
kept putting on buttons instead of suing, 
so it's gone all the way. Man. we laugh а 
Jot. Ellie and me, ging place 
for us. We start to fuss some, and either 
‘Why do you hate me м 
ve never understood. m. 
n we both say, ‘Poor Geoffrey,’ 
we laugh." 

We stood up and I had given up on 
n. Crazy Kaberrian was no morc. This 
was a happy laughing salestalk clerk. 
buttoned up and bird-happy, like no- 
body could have guessed would be his 
future, He asked me how things were at 
nd I said 1 was auditing the 
Orientalreligions thing again, the sa 
course and I had audited 
maybe seven years ago together, which 
is how we met. I said they had changed 
it a lite, but it was still stimulating. 

So I asked him if I could maybe stop 
by his place if he'd give me the address, 
and I would like to hear that tape. The 
last masterwork of Kaberrian. 

“Ob, one night a month ago I got up 
in the middle of the night and I dug it 
out and put it on the box and erased it 
clean 

“Why. why, why?” 

“In it my Ellie too many times is tell- 
ing that clown how much she loves him, 
when she found out later love is some. 
thing a lot different. We both found out. 
man. 

I sighed. Shook the head. Stuck my 
hand in the Buckley pocket and rubbed 
his head a little. “Maybe it could have 
made a fortune, you crazy Kaber 
A fortune!” he said. “Off Ellie, like 
that way?" His eyes looked like the К, 
berrian of old, the one who expressed 
revolt one time by running onto the To- 
day show when it was live and holding 
up in front of Lescoulie a sign saying 
FINK CAPITALISE sTOOLIE, Kaberrian’s eyes 
had that old gleam. “Noonan, you fink 
у y and TI fink off my way. 

OM he went. That's the last we'll ever 
sec of him. Who's going to keep up the 
good old traditions if we keep on losing 
the Kaberrians one at a time? Who 
laugh in a world like this onc? 


Columbia. 


Kaberrian 


if there’s Fortrel in it. 


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Add a fiber from Celanese and good things get better 


169 


PLAYBOY 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


PLAYBOY: Has your wile been forced to 
D herself as a Milky Way or a 
Musketeers in order to... ? 
ALLEN: She doesn’t have to. My wife is 
very sexy. 

PLAYBOY: Many 19 с prodaimed 
the virtues of Wheaties as an aid to viril- 
йу. What is your position on Wheaties? 
rd and the 
dings in his essay On Wheaties. Kier 
rd speaks for me on all major 
matters relating to br 
PLAYBOY: How do you get into shape for 
the love act? 

ALLEN: Like any other act I do. 1 write it 
first. Then if I think itil play, 1 do it. 
PLAYBOY: We were referring to physical 
preparations. 

ALLEI 1 work out with 
Rangers. 

PLAYBOY: But they have a long olf sea 
ALLEN: That's so. But 1 only have sexual 
intercourse. during the fall and winter. 
Every once in a while, though, I barn- 
storm, 

PLAYBOY: Could you possibly have any 
respect for a girl who wants you solely 
for your body? 
ALLEN: My body is a mirade of engi- 
ng comparable to the aqueduct. I 
see no reason to fault a girl because she 
finds it unbearable t0 suppress a w 
апа, 

While we're on the subject of 
physicality, to what extent do you think 
your success as а performer depends on 


the New York 


son. 


urge 


your physical appearance? 

ALLEN: Well, 1 feel 1 must show up before 
1 can really do anything. 
PLAYBOY: O ht be fa 
ed to learn just how big you are, Would 
you tell us? 

ALLEN: I'm five fect, six aud fluctuate be- 
118 and 125 pounds. The exact 
poundage depends on certain shiis in 
l's very involved. 
chest measu 
ALLEN: Eight inches. Ten, exp: 
PLAYBOY: How do you keep your body in 
such superb physical conditio 
ALEN: Every now and then 1 have a rep- 
resentative of a metallurgical cartel come 
and give me cid bath. Aud I bull 
mysell regularly with Ajax. 

PLAYBOY. Do you oil your body before 
posing for pinup shots? 
ALLEN: No, | secrete а natu 
sweat Vicks—an unusual phe 
On a sultry day Um like a swamp- 
PLAYBOY: Who requests these pinups? 
ALLEN: ws, convicts, ап occisional 
shuri ad the sort of u 
whose names appear regularly 
blotters of the morals squad. 
PLAYBOY: You were once quoted as 
ing, "Fm an intellectual Cary Gran 
Is that 
ALLEN: 1 never said (а 


readers m 


tween 


avory types 
the 


on 


wue? 
. Some writer did 


(continued from page 7. 


in an But I believe it. Hell, 


terview 


the mirror doesn't lie. 
PLAYBOY: You also claim to € 
animal 


ude an 


find 


magnetism that 
le. What's it like? 
Its what ГА call "the new sex 
appeal" I'd link it to the Michael Caine 
Belmondo look, mot commercial or 
xy. Women sense in me a willingness 
10 be violent. 

PLAYBOY: Do 

mashers often? 
ALLEN: Yes, because 1 deliberately p 
myself in jam-packed subways 
nd try to look as bewitehiny 
by wearing a cuddly sweater or curdi- 
gan. You'd be surprised how often it 
works. 

PLAYBOY: You once said, 
mugged and three weeks 
with something funny about 
say that now? 

ALLEN: 1 felt that way until 1 was mu; 
The only thing 1 cume up with was 
my lunch. 

PLAYBOY: You look like you're still w 
ing the suit you were muy 
do you sty to haberdashers who la 
your rumpled appearance? 

ALLEN: То be пша, E lı supreme 
noninterest in clothing. My favorite item 
ol apparel is my Hathaway hai 
which I use to mortify myself ov 
tic guilt I have, based on accepting а 
cupcake once when 1 didn't deserve it, 
When 1 do buy clothing, it’s because it 
looks great on the dummy. Гус even 
gone to pa with still 
on the dummy. 

you a hit at these p 
ALLEN: No, but the dummy scored heavi- 


women 


come 


you cross female 


ce 
and buses 
as possible 


“1 could be 
ter come up 
1." Can you 


ied in. 


t 


ties the clothes 


ties? 


ly. I still possess brand-new clothing I 
purchased three years ago, unworn 10 
this day. My apartment is a treasure 
house of unworn clothing. 

PLAYBOY: How do you choose your 
ensemble du jour? 

ALLEN: I'm а first-hanger man. If it's on 


the first hanger, I wear it, И the lirst 
hanger is empty, 1 wear the first hanger. 
In addition to my hair shirt, 1 adore my 
huge turtle shell. I's wonderful. when 
the weather's cold and, besides, it pro- 
tects me [rom my natural enemies, squid 
and barracuda. As for shoes, il I find a 
pair that fits, 1 wear them relentlessly. 
It’s also more comfortable to wear them 
with the shoe wees inside. Gives me a 
seductive shuflle when 1 walk. 

PLAYBOY: Upon rising, do you have 
а for cleanliness? 

ALLEN: The left side of me is cleaned com- 
pubively—the left of my nose, mouth, 


chest, 1 vihing on the right 
side 1 let remain steeping in my natural 
body oi 

PLAYBOY: You do this, pres to 
make yourself sexually irresistible. Yet 


we 


told that yon got an unlisted phone 
number when your career took its sen 


sational upturn. Wh 
ALLEN: When it was listed, some of my 
loyal adherents would call at all. hours 


But then | began to get crank calls. 
people shrieking that they were consider 
ing committing suicide. 

PLAYBOY: How did you handle them? 
ALLEN: I'd uy to be soothing and suggest 
various ways. But | myself am not 
suicidal. I have an animal fear of death. 
PLAYBOY: Still, if you had to choose, how 
would you prefer lo go? 

ALLEN: Smothered by the flesh of Italian 
actresses, 

PLAYBOY: Besides the k calls, have 
you ever gouen апу hate mail? 
ALLEN; Once in a while. lt gei 
s in categories—either u 
y family. And every so 
often I get a sexual proposition. 

PLAYBOY: Do you turn them down? 
ALLEN: It depends on the photo with the 
letter. 

PLAYBOY: You certainly come off 
cool jaded, worldly type. Ате you 
ALLEN: My nerves are like ice water. AL 
though I do have a propensity for throw 
ing up under pressure, I'm basically very 
cool. 


two 
ed or from 


PLAYBOY: What procedures do you 
recommend in setting the stage for a 
seduction? 


ALLEN: (1) Find a girl. This method will 
also work on a camel or a bacon rind, 
but a girl is probably the most satis! ying. 
(2) Len her nst something soft— 
preferably another girl. (3) Put on the 
most seductive recording you can find of 
Sheep May Safely Graze. (4) Blow into 
ear with a bellows. (5) Slip 
provocative, like a mink pos 
› (8) Assume a false name Jike 
Helmut. (7) Impress her with 
collection of 


T 


Laslo or 
your post-impressionist 
chopped meat. (8) At the crucial то. 
ment bring the New York Rangers 
out of the closet, 

PLAYBOY: How do you tell a girl to be 
gentle at the moment of. surrender? 
ALLEN: I explain to her that (a) it won't 
hunt, and (b) ICI all be over in eight 
seconds. 

PLAYBOY: Would you warn a girl, “Baby, 
I'm по good for you"? 

ALLEN: І wouldn't have to, Rough goin 
written all over my face. А girl starts in 
with me, she knows what the score is. 1 
carry an automatic and leave town Гам. 1 
also have a tendency to dribble—tl 
hurts my chances sometimes. 

PLAYBOY: Has it always been casy for you 
10 get dates? 
ALLEN: No, generally it's been hard. Ed 
rather not say how I met her, but 1 once 


dated а kidy embalmer for five months. 
Neither one of us had any complaints 
PLAYBOY: In this connection, do you have 


any repellent personal habits or indulge 
in unspeakable acts of p that 


versio! 


171 


PLAYBOY 


172 


your PR men have tried 10 cover up? 
1 enjoy chewing gum already 
vel by a midget. And sometimes T 

i s uniform and talk 


PLAYBOY: Do you have any other secet 
es? 

ALLEN: Yes, Keeping 200 live Chinese in 
my bedroom at all times, prison food, 
cating out of tin plates—small, tasteless 
portions of beans. watery soup—and 
being pummeled by sadistic guards who 
look like Barton MacLane. 1 also love 
herbs, roots, locusts and 
PLAYBOY: Arc you on 

ALLEN: Yes. The best thing is a good piece 
of timber—sequoia, if possible; if not, 
some of the hairier lichens. The best diet 
is fauy and cholesterobrich, with gigas 
tic amounts of sweets. Heavy smoking 
on top of all that builds the body, Expo- 
sure (o т ity doesn't hurt. cithe 

PLAYBOY: What physicil feats сап you 
perform: 
ALEN: D em sand on my eye. D can 


sneeze backward. 1 cin touch both c 
Together. I am able to lift large qu: 
ties of decayed matter. I both 
make love pathologically. 
AYBOY: Have you ever experimented 
ith the mind-expanding drugs? 
AMEN: I rake а chocolate сох 
seph's baby asp 
groove myself out of my 
stic; it heightens my org: 
ors more vivid]: ins in leaves, the 
birth of bacteria on Formica tabletops. 
Gradually I hope to up the dosage 10 
two per tip. 
PLAYBOY: So much for your predilections. 
Do you have апу aversions? 
ALLEN: I do not like turning rapidly to my 
left; 1 move right in a 270-degree arc 
until I'm facing left. I am fond of the At 
lantic Ocean, but not the Pacific, which 
says nothing to me occanwise, I have a 
psychological fear of dancing with a m: 
man, Had it since childhood. Oh. and a 
morbid phobia of breaded veal cutlets, 


and 


ed St. Jo 
п now and then, and 
skull. It’s fan 
n. I see col 


the v 


“1 feel sorry for her, but рим don't 
want to get involved.” 


PLAYBOY: What clsc bugs you 

AMEN. The fact (hat my jokes 
constantly being purloined by other 
comedians. 


well? 
author 


PLAYBOY: Do they do your 
ALLEN: They lack my com 
«1 great nat mih 
PLAYBOY: Are vou feudi 
the business? 

ALLEN: One feud, а long-standing one with 
the nearsighted Mr. Magoo. No one will 
invite us to the same party- 

PLAYBOY: Yes, we saw that item in Win- 
chell, Do your pet peeves include pets? 
ALLEN: 1 don't find pets distasteful. If 1 
could have any pet, it would be а clam 
d te, loy ul 
re quite те 
sponsive more so 
dogs or OF all. clams, 
stones are the most. dependable. 
PLAYBOY: Lets wlk about world affairs. 
What do you think of De Gaulle? 
AMEN: | don’t aust anyone who speaks 
French that good. 

PLAYBOY. How about L.B.]. and his 
crew 

ALLEN: He's got a ranch 


and 


1 wa 


with anyone in 


il one of those 


hats, Terrific! 
PLAYBOY: Prayer in schools? 
Vm in favor of it. There are no 
sts during mid-term exams. 
How do you feel about the 


ing of school children? 

ALLEN: | would just run over the more 
precocious ones. 

PLAYBOY: Invasion of privacy? 

ALLEN: My views on invasion ol privacy 
must will remain private. I deeply 
resent your boorish intrusivencss. 
PLAYBOY: Black power? 

ALLEN: 1 know nothing about chess. 
PLAYBOY: The Red Guards? 

ALLEN: Ог checke 
PLAYBOY: What's your draft status? 


ALLEI +P. In the ew of war, Fm a 
hostage. 

PLAYBOY: If you were LA, would vou 
consider. bu: your Фай end to 
avoid 


ALLEN: Ч the draft. boards as I re 
rd boards of edu 


n or any other 


As far as 
card is concerned, I wouldn't 
lc 
а stud 


e objects—as sinister 
rning 
be able to make 
ing homosexualit 
wouldn't know how to begi 
ро into the А 
would be to be 
medals for deserti, Actu Tm at 
work on ап incredible secret weapon to 
use against the Viet Con an electronic 
beam that will give them posinasal drip. 
PLAYBOY: Where do your sympathies lie 
in the debate between the Hawks and 
the Doves? 

ALEN: To be honest, my svmpithies lic 
with myself. I have a terrific empathy 
with myself, tend 10 identity with mysell 
more and more. Anyhow, 1 1 know 
who the Hawks are, but 


Y see feign 
like me 
n. But il I did 
1 tendency 


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when E find out, I'm going to ring their 
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PLAYBOY: |. 
gence of an a 
termed blac 


the emer 
in of comedy 
у 


ely, we've se 


pocalyptic str: 
humor. Have you had 
particular vision of the apocalypse 
ALLEN: Death visited me in the form 
of a shrouded figurine. I'm playing him 
gin rummy for my soul—at a penny a 
point, just to keep it interesting. 
PLAYBOY: Are there any cultural 
you find pernicious? 
ALLEN: 1 ainst evolution. The present 
progressive evolvement of the species 
toward higher forms is a dangerous 
trend that should be arrested—reversed, 
if possible. H 1 had my . this Mr. 
Scopes of "monkey tria е would 
have been convicied. 
PLAYBOY: Speaking of the monkey, do 
you frequent. discothèques? 
ALLEN: Quite often, My body generates 
a rhythm that сап best. be described. 
as Indonesian. Once Sybil Christopher 
stopped frugging at Arthur то watch me 
with ilbconcealed envy and hostility. 
PLAYBOY: How do you feel about Mod 
fashions? 
ALLEN: 1 like short dresses, but only on 
extremely fat girls with bulbous thighs. 
huge muscular calves and thick vari- 
cosed ankles. 
PLAYBOY: Wh: 
hair for men 
ALEN: Fd rather see a man in long hair 
than а pageboy 
PLAYBOY: Гог many young people, long 
1 seems to be a symbol of nonconform: 
v and defiance of the establishme: 
How do you feel about student protest 
AUEN: I'm all for it—and student riots, 
too. 
PLAYBOY: How do you feel about “the 
new morality" on campus? 
ALEN: The present. sexual revolution in 
the colleges has almost caused me lo 
reregister. When 1 was in college, there 
was no albour sexual revolution, just 
some sporadic guerrilla warfare. And 1 
wasnt very good in ambushes. 
PLAYBOY: What, in your eyes, is the major 
cultural contribution ol the 20th Century? 
AUEN: The movie version of Act One 
PLAYBOY: What would you plate in a 
time capsule to represent the best of our 
age? 
ALLEN: I would fill it with feathers. Plenty 
of feathers. 
PLAYBOY: Master Heywood Allen, with 
your hit pl 


trends 


S your position on long 


pur movie scripts, your 


your nightclub and concert 


gemems making your name а 


houschold word, you stand astride the 
entertainment world, as one critic has 


phrased it, like “a Colossus of Toads.” Is 
all this 
some gr 
ALLEN: Yes, to invent а better yoyo and, 
even more important. than that, to accu- 
est bull of tin foil. 


nough fer you. or do you have 


мег mission in life? 


mulae the world's 1 


WISE CHILD 
(continued from page 125) 


professional, you understand. Last month 
the docteur read a paper to the Societe 
"Observations on the In псе of Ac- 
quired Abilities,” he call it. La matière- 
7e stufl—she is good. But ze manner— 
mon Dieu! Maladroit—not make them. 
to understand what he say. They listen 
polite, but afterward they shake the heads 
and laugh. ‘Is Lysenko-ism. they si 
"Why he not go to Russia? Is crack pot. 
Marcel. paused m and shook hi 
head sadly. 
Le docteur is not crackpot. 15 clever 
man. Is great thing he does—very great, 
formidable! Bur be is tout û fait égoïste 
—you say, ver’, ver’ selfish. Do it "imself. 
No one else. So ull glory, all éclat is for 
him." 
Mrs, Solway did not disagree with 
that. She said: 
“But I thought vou s 
deas, Marcel 
‘Oh, yes. Little proofs. But necessary 
now is big proofs—big-scale tests. Such 
is not possible here. With big tests they 
take notice. Is way of common sense. 
"These things I tell "im. "Put your 
to Société, 1 say, чо Université to 
then you have prestige. 
ading. Then they listen.’ He 
do not like. Is not my business, he 
I say his discovery js my busines—is 
every man's business. 15 important, 
important for small thinki 
do not speak French. I expl 
gentiment—mo: per'aps." 
shrugged. "Or maybe not so. Anyws 
we ‘ave big row. So I think 1 get sack." 
‘Oh, T am sorry, Marcel. Perhaps he 
will have cooled off by tomorrow." 
Ме, I ат sorry. 100. But I do not 
think he cool off zis time. He is great 
man, your husband—alo very litle 
min... Alors . . ." He shrugged his 
shoulders. “So four, five weeks, perhaps, 
and 1 think I go away...” He brooded 
for a moment, then his tone lightened: 
“But now is enough of this... Let us 
to talk of other things more interest 
than sacks . . 


he has proved 


js 


test, 


Dr. Solway’s "hour or two" was. a 
usual, more nearly four, so that it was 


wr 12 when he c 
found his wife in bed, but still with the 
light on, reading. He sat down on the 
side of the bed and started to unfasten 
his shoes. 

"The children all righ” he inquired. 
“L thought P heard David cough as I 
came past." 

"IUS nothing.” she told him 
vestige of his cold, Not a peep out of 
them the whole evening.” She consid- 
ered him, “You're looking tired, Donald. 
You work too hard, You really ought to 
сазе off, you know." 


ne upstairs. He 


“Just the 


1 am tired he “But it’s 
really finished—the à it part of it 
now. Just a matter of checking and 
cross-chécking results so that none of my 
dear colleagues can pick holes in them 
What E must have is evidence that is 
accurate, ble. Sor 
thing that can't be ignored—that. and 
the opportunity of a fair hearing . 
He sat moodily swinging his shoe on a 
zer hooked inside the heel. 
“If only J could make a м 
knocking into their thick heads w 
talking about...” he muttered more to 
himself than to her. "Every time I at 
tempt a public explanation, it's the same 
old story: А lot of dimwits who've not 
been listening to what I've been telling 
them dismiss the whole thing with parrot 
cries of ‘Lysenko! Lysenko! —and 
number of still dimmer wits rally round 
10 congratulate me because. Lysenko is a 
Russian, and Russians are wonderful, so 
he must be right; and off they launch 
мо disserttions on the inheritance of 
acquired characteristics... And alter а 
bit 1 lose my temper and shout at then 
and everyone thinks its uproariously 
funny. and all that happens is that they 
go away more convinced than ever that 
Im oake |.. 
“They won't one day. I can promise 


them thar. Bur in the mew 
alı is that they're all 100 pre 


y evidence а r heari 


g damn 


re n thoughtfully, 


ng 1 


ut vou do h evidence 


d 


ve enou 


The 
ouble is they can’t clear their addled 
brains enough to be fair, Again and 
again Гуе explained to them thar it's nor 
cquired. characteristics. Fm. concemed 
with—it’s the inheritance of acquired 
abilities, which is utterly dillerent, and 
they ought to have the wits 10 see it 
is 


“Well. to someone like me, it docs 
sound like rather a fine. distinction. 
Donald.” 


“They're not supposed 10 be someone 
ike you, my dear. Their job is to think 
bout such things, professionally—only 
they don't. 

~The dillerence is as wide as an ocen. 
Helen. Look, everyone knows that if you 
were lo amputate а mouses right Forel 
for ten, twenty, fifty 
olispring still would not have acquired 
the characteristic of being born without 
а right foreleg—and never would . . . 
But compare the case of a bird that 


tons, dts 


175 


PLAYBOY 


builds а particular kind of nest. Some- 
the line, its ancestors 
r nests like d 
t bird builds nests that are ab- 
construction — 


the pres 
solutely the same i 
body taught it; it inherited the abi 
that its ancestors had. acquired. 
“Very well, then, some species can do 


why not others? [s it not 

preposterous that while а spider 

cm. endow its offspring with the ability 
to construct such ted ен 


neeri 


m. proposit а man 
should not have the power to h 
his son even the ability to do simple 
arithmetic? ОГ course it is И was quite 
clear to me that there must be some way 
of inducing such а capacity 

"Look at the waste tl 
lack. of it! No conser 
Every child | 
where its parents began: genera 
generation tediously having 10 lea 
\. В, C and wo plustwo, and cu 
omthemat ove j 


nd on to 


caused by 
ion or progress. 
1 exacly 
n after 


a he 


1 ove a 


“Dort give me that off-to-the-Crusades routine— 
yow're going drinking and wenching with those Norman 
bums from Paris again!” 


Готе. ИУ a nonsensical w 
I simply can't be more difficult 10 hand 
on the rudiments of reading, writing 
and figuring than it is for a bee to 
hand on the complicated social knowledge 
required to rum a hive. 

^ argued that there must be a reason. 


hand on an acquired. characteristic. was 
very strong—even though 
in others it 
indiscernible. Do vou follow me: 
ik so, Donald. 
s 10 asking why some kinds of 
complex. in- 
1 others only the simplest, 


Creatures. have 


“Roughly, yes—though "instinct is а 
treacherous worl—but 


what Т asked. a 


wd what T set out to dis- 
. Well. I admit I've not discovered 
h 1 may do so yet. But 
on the way I did come across somethi 


se: I found the means of producing a 
result, while still not understanding. the 
cause. And now Eam able to show that it 
is possible, even with mammals, to 
duce the capacity to transmit an ability 
to the offspring. I can. prove it with the 
results of a dozen experiments.” 

“1 dort quite se n. how do 
you prove a thing Hel 
asked, with a frown. 

“Well, one quite simple way wa 
rats. 1 taught а male rat and a female 
to find their way through a тале to 
simple maze at 
cc 
plicated. 1 practiced them until they 
could find their way to the food with 
never a false turn or a hesitation. Then I 
treated both of them. and. mated. them. 
When the offspring were a few weeks 
old, 1 let them get hungry, then I took 
cach in turn and set it down at the en- 
trance to the maze. One aft nother 
they bolted through it to get the feod— 
not one of them took а single wrong 
turning. They knew their way, although 
theyd never seen the maze belor 
Later on, I mated two of the young ones, 
nd their ollspring tackled the maze first 
shot, just as well as their parents had. 
Well, you see what that means 
is wile ignored the question to put 
onc of her own. 

“You said you ‘treated’ the origin 
two. How did vou do th: 

“T doubt if you'd understand the de- 
tails. my dear—and in any case, they re 
my own secret at present, but the adn 
istration is quite simple. It can be done 
cither by direct injection or by introduc 
ing the agent imo the dict—the Tauer is 
slightly preferable on account. of. the 
more gradual assimilation into the sys- 
do sce what it means, don't 
he repeated. 


"M it were to be applied to human 
their chill would nor have to 
ght from the beginning like other 
a. Hed be born with 
builtin background. Think of the point- 
less drudgery that that would spare him. 
Phe rudiments, at least, of all the ching 
ve had to Icam one gener 
another would be there already. He'd be 
able 10 read as soon as he was Боги 
well, not quite that, but as soon as he 
had learned. the physical control. of his 
eyesight—talk as soon as he could man- 
age his tongue, and count, too. Just think. 
where he might get to with such 
flying start over his contemporaries. 
School over in a lew years, university by 
the time he was nine or ten. He'd be a 
wonder child . . . And in the face of 
evidence like that, any doubts about 
the wansmissibility of acquired. abilities 
would simply be swept away...” 
He paused and glanced at his wife. 
She was regarding the open pages of her 


beii 


а sort of 


we m alter 


book with a curiously fixed 
went o 
‘One can't tell in advance. of course. 
to what extent actual knowledge would 
be munsmined. That's going to be one of 
the intere: g to find out. That 
the abilities that have become almost un. 
conscious skills would be inherited, I 
have file doubt. but it might go further 
so. o isn't impossible thar he would 
find himself already equipped to the ex- 
tent of whit we consider to be averay 
educatio 
“Oh. yes.” his wife broke in unexped- 
edly, “and perhaps he'd be equipped 
» a taste for cigarettes, for sherry be- 
fore dii RE what about builtin 
poli 
Dr. Sol 
“Well. 
“Have yo 
isto bet 


ty He 


ansmitted from wh: 
He frowned, а litle put out. 
“Possibly one would have to be care- 
ful.” he admitted. “but I it il. 
when one was under treatment. one took 
trouble 10 practice only those 
that are desirable and hav 
become almost unconscious skills- 


until now. Well. 1 can do so 
ig. t00—and the answer is "No" Quite 
definitely and comprehensively, "No! 7 


Dr. Solway blinked ag; 

"My dear, I dont know what you 
mean ... 
“Oh, don't pretend. Donald. Do you 
think after these years I don't know you 
well enough to see what you're working 
up to? HS a positively revolting sugges 
tion, No man who had any respect for 
his wife would even think of it. I wonder 
yowre not ned to make it. 


"But my dear. Ive not made 
suggc: I only said. 

BS y 

"Oh. it might еп you another 


round to it. But. 


y 


st 
5 more sor 


ever 
id dis. 


ed of 
gusting. Put 
level with your guinea pigs and 
Perhaps youd like me to go into a 
the lab, with the rest of the experi 
ıl material...” 

Now really. Helen, there's no need to 
t like that. I admit 1 was going to 
wu what you thought about it.. . 
ll. 10 become world-famous: the 
us of a new of, well, 
geniuses wouldn't be overstating it, 1 
should thin! 
ndecd. Well, now you know just 
what Z think—and that is that it is a 
shameful as well as a revolting idea. 
Only this evening Marcel was telling me 
that people are saying you're a crackpot. 
and E wing this, I'm not 
surprised.” 


he: 


e. your own wife, on a 
m 


пса 


The doctor frowned. 

"Oh. so Marcel. thinks —" 

“Хо, he doesn't, Marcel believes 
your work. He says you are a great man. 
Though what he'd he heard about 
idea I don't know—at least, I do. 
ihat may mean—but since 
he ely to know about it unless 
you tell him. does it matic 

“OF course it matters. How woukl you 
like it if someone you'd promised to love. 
honor and obey suddenly to put 
you in with the laboratory я 
ing that thet didn 
arcel know 
Lord, wl 


wasn't sa 
ter. и was about М 
not knowin 


ity to take 
world-shaki 
v that isn't how 


covery—oh, well, dear 
you see it. 

"Pr certa 
most E 
Yes. yes, you told me that. I can't say 
that T understand. your point of view. 
after all, 1 would be just as much in the 
experiment, and I’m prepared to play my 
part—but, of course, if the idea doesnt 

al to you, there's no more to be 


t I think из the 


“Doesn't appeal indeed! There's а 
‚ Never did I 


whole lot more 1 could s 


think 


“My di Tve u 


4 you I didn't me: 


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177 


PLAYBOY 


178 


10 upset you, I'm sorry I did. I apologize 
for it, The whole idea was obviously a 
mistake. Do you think we could agree to 
wash it right out and forget about it? 
He looked at her with such earnest 
appeal that she was somewhat mollified. 
“Well, I don’t know," she said. “It 
t at all а nice suggestion to have 
‚ not an easy thing to forget. But T 
suppose а man wouldn't properly under 
stand, Now, if you were 
“If I were a woman, the propos 
could scarcely have a he pointed 
out. 
“L dare say. But all the same . . 
“But it all 
а> 
“I oh, very well, ГІ do my best. But 
lv. Попа... 1 


wom 


isen, 


you will iry to consider 


un 


Later. when he had finished preparing 
for bed and was in the act of climbing 
in, she said: 

“Marcel seems to think yon are going 


to dismiss him. 
“Marcel is perfectly 
her. 
“Oh, dea 


ight.” he told 


' she said. “And he is so 


апі then he said, What the hell — you only 
live once? and 1 thought ‘how true . . 2 and so... - 


much nicer than those nals we had 
before. [s it just because you had a bit 
of a vow. this afternoon?" 

“It is not. I employ Marcel to assist 
me—not to direct me. We've got to a 
point where we differ on a matter of pol- 
icy. T can't keep him here if he is going 
to pull a different way all the time, so I 
shall tell him he can pack up at the end 
of next month. Thacll give him nearly 
seven weeks to find something else. He'll 
not have any difficulty with that these 


days." 
“It seems pity. You've nothing 
inst his work?" 
“Certainly not. He's a good worker. 


He should do well—if he c 
sell to nerfering in matters of 
policy that are not his concern. No, I've 
had enough of it. Tm giving him formal 
notice tomorrow—and there'll be a 
good reference if he wants опе. 

The weeks went by. Dr. Solway's 
thought of extending his experiment 
from the laboratorial 10 the domestic 
field took its place with other lite lapses 


1 bring him 


stop 


that could be forgiven. though recorded 
Marcel bestirred himself 10 seek other 
jobs. and was pleased to be accepted for 
one in France, Helen Solway drove him 
to the station on the last day of the 
following month. 

“Не was quite cheerful—no hard feel- 
ings at all.” she reported. "I think he's 
happy at the prospect of getting home 
again. I doubt whether he would ever 
have settled properly here. He says it 
makes him tired trying to express himselt 
in English—or what he thinks is English 
—and he doesn't like English weather. 
or tea, and he doesn't think English food 
has been suiting him, so what with one 
thing and another——" She broke olt as 
she caught a sudden expression on her 
husband's lace. “Oh, he was quite nice 
about it—nothing personal. After all, а 
lot of people who've been brought up all 
their lives on one kind of food do find it 
difficult to get used то another. Plenty of 
Englishmen regard all French dishes 
“concoctions.” 

"H'm." said her husband. “АП the 
same, it’s a piece of damned imperti- 
тепсе for him to criticize our cook to 
you. 

“He really didn't mean it that way. 
Donald. Though, as а matter of fact, 1 
don't think things have been quite up to 
her usual standard lately. 1 must look 
into it” 

Dr. Solway shook his head. 

“L can't see any need for that. Her 
meals always seem perfectly good to 
me.” 

“AIL the same, I think just a word 
wouldn't come amiss.” 

“Better not to risk upsetting her 
Cooks of any Kind are preuy hard 10 
come by nowadays,” he suggested. 
ws are? No, this, 
1, Donald.” 
c. my dear, Hs only diat 


iss. 


of cou 


cooks are so touchy . . . 

Curiously, it was quite some Tittle time 
later—a week or so, in lact, after Helen 
discovered to be pregnant 
t an appalling thought struck 
me from and im 
h a vivid darity on her hall 
awake mind in the small hours of one 


herself 


nowhere 


morning. A revelation-type thought: 
Once it had struck, she knew with a 
positive conviction that hi, Te 


caused. her to lift herself on one elbow, 
switch on the light and thump her sleep 
ng husband hard on the back. so that he 
ed up. dazzled and bewildered 

fou cad!" she told him. "You dirty 
cheat! It’s the meanest. most despicable 


trick I ever heard of. II TIL — 
Words deserted her while her hus 
band screwed up his eyes at her. His 
own temper had risen. 
"How dare you do he 


. “Is a most d. 
to startle a sleeping man like. 

How dare J! That's 
you're going to deny 
Deny what?" he inquired. 

“Yes, 1 thought you would. Well, let 
me tell you it’s no good. I know when 
e lying, Donald. 


rous thing 


good. 1 suppose 


уо 


He peered at di 


more closely. 


or heaven's sake! What on earth is 
all this about 

ou know very well. 

“But 1—" 

"Oh, yes you do. No wonder cook 


gave notice. It was you all the time. You 


were doing something to the food— 
"m s vou called it. And of all 
the » repulsive, roten, sly 
things to do! You knew just what I 


thought about your idea, and you delib- 
ed in and did it behind my 
пту the blame.” 
ever blamed anyone, I said” 

Don't you try to justify it. I'm not lis- 
tening. How dare vou do your beastly 
me! Oh. I was never so 


ments o! 


у gave it up and ceased to 


dissemble 

All right. then. I did. But it wasn't 
just on you, it was on us—me, too. And 
10 call it a ‘beastly experiment is simply 
emotional nonsense, It is immensely im- 
portant: The outcome of it may enable 
the whole human race to take a great 
leap forward.” 

“What do I care whether it leaps? I'm 
interested in me and my baby. You knew 
perfectly well what my feelings were. 
41 you didn't care а damn, You just 
col-bloodedly cheated... АШ right, if 
that’s all you care about me, we've come 
to the end . . . 1 shall leave you... 1 
1 get a divorce . . . T shall — 
Ah!" said her husband. 

She checked, suddenly. 

"What do you mean, Ah! like thatz" 
she demanded. 
thinking ol the publicity. It will 
be bound to arouse great interest in the 


ed at hi 

“Well, then, I probably sh 
divorce. Though if treating one’s wife 
ory animal isn't good 
оте, there must be some- 
ng with the 

But E shall go. I shall cert 
and take the children with me. 
knows what you might do with 


WL get a 


thin 


with the comi 
ylight and the familiar routine, the 
ced to shake off th m 
There were the diffi 
g where to go, and 
t the children's schools, 


somehow, 


dust did not se 


quite so urge 
culties of know 
to do abe 


and getting things packed, and not h 
ing enough ready cash available, and one 
thing and another that caused her to de 
Gide that next week would have to do. 
So she only got as far as moving herself 
into the spare bedroom for the few days 
it would take to make the arrangements. 
Then what had looked like a simple, de- 
cisive action seemed to sprout complica- 
tions. The matter of the coming baby 
ed an additional problem, making 
the whole thing se 
with jus then, and 

would have to postpom 
г. So presently she moved herself |, 
into the bedroom and banished 
Donald to the spare room. m: it 
quite clear that she had no intention of 
ng him, and keeping him 


m too much to cope 
she 


she decided 


best 


of it. 
“Ivs the under 
alty of it more thai 


ndedness, the disloy- 
anything.” she com- 


plained. “How can 1 ever t 
after an unforgivable th 


when 


people don't trust cach other? You've 
simply broken up our life together by 
trying to cheat me into furthering your 
own career. It was а low, nasty thing to 
even think of doing, and 1 pray every 
night that you'll be disappointed in the 
end. If there's any justice, you will . . 7 


In due course, the baby arrived. 

When Helen Solway had left for the 
ng home. —though 
she determinedly disg them fom 
her husband under a co 


nur her 


sed 


fident попе 
ble. When he 
mwieties had 
when she re 
a mood of tri- 
She lost no time 
y hopes he might 


sull have. 
And so," she concluded, "all your 


silly sch. was simply wasted after 
all. You made all that unpleasant 
ig. It serves you right. He's a love 
1 had the doctor there give him 


ess for 


“You certainly are one of New York's finest!” 


178 


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a specially carelul examination. and he 
says he's a very fine baby, and perfectly 
non every wat 

Dr. Solway looked down at the baby 
as she held it. He opened his mouth to 
reply, thought better of it and contented 
himself with inspecting the small coun- 
tenane . h looked, he found, 
quite disappointingly like almost any 
other baby. 

The household seuled down 
nd the new baby tool 


closel 


арай 
is place in i 

Doaor Solway's hopes had undoubi- 
edly flickered low, bur he would not let 
them die. He adopted a habit of visiting 
the baby several times a day for the pur 
pose of siudying it lengthily and intently. 
a fortnight or so of this, his 
de the practice on the grounds 
ıt it disturbed. the baby and made it 
nervous, 

EN 


luens him so that he geis rest 


less" she declared. “Jus think how 
you'd feel if you were his size and had to 
look up at a great solemn face staring 


It isn't f 


down at you for hours a day 
on him. 

So Dr. Solway saw less of the baby, 
And by degrees it somchow came about 
that he was scarcely seci ything of it 
at all. One day it occurred ло | 
his wife was looking a little peaky, and 
that ded 1 
unusually quiet and a Веће distrait in 
manne picion began 10 take 
a firmer hold. He made а fortnight 
approach: 

‘Just why are you keeping the b 
hidden much 
quired, covering his sudden hope with 
fi 
"Hidden away! 


m that 


п on 10 noi 


away so now?" he in- 


ar calmness of manner. 
peated. "Why, 
Donald, what nonsense! Jes just that he's 
beuer when he's quiet. He so easily gets 
upset. L think he must be very sensitive.” 

Her husband regarded her for a 
moment. 

“That doesn't sound very convincing, 
my dear.” 

“Well, really! E dont think I quite 
understand. you, Donald.” 

No? Then I'd better explain, hadn't 
1? 1 rather think you don't want me to 
see the baby—not for more than а mo- 
ment at a ow why could that be? 
Could it perhaps, be because. you don't 
want me to perceive certain signs that 
our experiment was not entirely unsuc- 
cessful after all? Could it be that?” 

“OL course not, Donald. What rub- 
bish! I told vou the doctor said he was a 
perfealy noma” 

“Ah, ves, But that was sever 
ago. my de 


she г 


1 weeks 
т. Come to think of it, one 
little too eager. An un- 
ity could not very well be 
perceptible until some means to express 
it had developed, could ie” 


“You're talking silly nonsense, Donald 
He's just a nice, perfectly normal, happy 
litle baby. 
thought you said he was sensi 
and easily upset 

“Well, I mean he could easily b 
upset. Тах better not to disturb him 

АП the same, I think TIL go up 
take a look at him." 

Id rather you didn't, Donald. He's 
just gone to sleep." 

You are anxious to keep me away 
Irom him. I'm зоту, my dear. It’s no 
good standing in my way like that. I in- 
tend to see what this is all about. You 
come, too, by а if you wish lo. 

He went past her into the hall and 
started up the stairs, Helen stood for 
moment clenching her hands, working 
them wretchedly together, then she 
ed and followed him with a dra 


nd 


ging step. 
Dr. 


Solways imposed calmness was 
ig down. Excitement surged up in 
him as he approached the door of the 
baby’s nursery. Helen's reluctance had 
been so transparent that she mi 
most as well have confirmed his deduc 
tions in words. He mo longer had any 
doubt that the expel а not com: 
pletely failed, but the exte its suc 
cess—whether it would be decisive 
enough to let him face his critics with his 
own son as living evidence in support of 
his theorics— that was what he w 
about to find out . . . 

His hand shook as he reached for the 
knob and let himself into the. room 
baby was not asleep. He was 
lying on his back, blue eyes v 
king quiet baby noises. He be- 
е of them as they approached 
the cot and stood beside it, The blue 
eyes focused, and he smiled up at Dr 
Solway. Then he rolled his head on his 
pillow so that he was looking at his 
mother. The smile widened and then di 
appeared. The litle lips opened and 
shut, 

Dr. Solway was tense with 
ment, He was convinced in that mı 
that the baby was trying to speak 

He bent closer, determined to catch 
anything that might sound even remote- 
in attempt at a word. Helen Sol 
y stood with her hands still. clasped 
tightly together, an imploring look on 
her 


wide 


excite- 
ent 


said the baby, but got no 


furthe 
‘The tiny lips opened and shut again, 
s if, it seemed to Dr. Solway, working 
up for another try. Then the mouth 
pursed. The baby's blue eyes looked up 
yearningly at his mother. Then the lips 
opened once more. ‘The articulation was 
not sharp. for lack of teeth, but he spoki 
the words were quite clea 

“Maman,” said the baby, 


OPEN YOUR MOUTH— 
(continued from page 111) 


diseases, but I got contaminated and they 
deported me. Nice talking to you . - 


“Well, Louise is pregnant; I guess you 
could call. that new. Too damned new, 
what with me having been gone these 
past six months, Isn't it funny that you, 
of all people, whom I've always consid- 
cred my friend, should ask? That you 
should put it that particular way? With 
all the things you might have asked, isn’t 
that a damned peculiar coincidence? 
That you would use the word ‘new? I 
n't thar just a little goddamn 


"Sure, Fm having а good time! I've 
never seen such a wild party. The guy 
must be loaded. Imagine giving transis 
tor radios as favors. And weren't those 
nude waitresses too m 
1 completely missed the Burons’ spa 
when I went over to say goodbye to So- 
phia and Marcello. Bur it’s gouen dull 
the last hour, don't you think? Oh, I am 
sorry. No reflection, of course. I assumed 
you'd been here longer . . ." 


ET 


“Yes, I suppose today is a good day 
for ducks. For healthy ducks. Did you 
row that one out of every four ducks is 
struck down by webular paresis, usua 
in the prime of life? And do you 
what causes webular paresis? W. 
course, scientists are still trying to find 
out what kind of water. Have you ever 
seen a duck with webular paresis? Be- 
lieve me, it's not а pretty sight. Now, I 
y olten asked to give to 
worthy causes, but im my capacity as 
local chairn 
of Dimes, 1 would like to . . ~ 


п of the Annual Swim 


“How have they bee 
Wonderfull m. You see, in this 
state they're beginning to adopt an en 
lightened atitude toward people with 
certain problems. Right now, with the 
rist, I'm going through a 
ans that 1 


id of a psychi 
withdrawal period. 7 
don't have to stop completely, but mere- 
ly cut down gradually on my so-called 
ntisocial activity. Honestly, ma'am, you 
have no ide 
compulsive rapist like mysell . .- 


hat n 


uch this means to a 


how 


“Here, drink thi 


Feeling better now? 
Good. 1 can see the color returning to 
your cheeks already . . . I'm terribly 
sorry, but you did ask me what the good 
word was And under certain circum- 
stances, that’s the best word I know 


181 


PLAYBOY 


182 


THROUGH A GLASS 


flame, sauté bacon and onion until bacon 
i d onion turns yellow. Avoid 
ig onion, Drain mixture of fat. 
Add cheese. 144 cups beer, Worcester 
shire sauce. vinegar and both kinds of 

Heat in top section of double 
over simmering water, stirring 
ionallv. until cheese is completely 
ed and favors are blended. In а small 
bowl beat egg yolks and 14 cup beer. 
Stir in a dew tablespoons hot cheese 
Pour imo pan and continue 
irring constantly, until mixture 
Place 2 pieces of toast in cach 
vidual casseroles or shirred-egg 
dishes. Pour cheese over toast, Place an- 
other piece of toast on top each portion 
СН STYLE 


is crisp. 


mustard, 
boiler 


mixture 


FRESI MACKEREL. MU 
(Nerves four) 

2 fresh mackerel, 114 10 114 Ibs. each 
Salt. pepper, celery salt 
1 lemon 
3 tablespoons butter 
1 small bay leaf 
14 teaspoon ch 
1 mediumsize onion. minced very fine 
1 small clove garlic. minced very fine 
3 tablespoons iustant-blenc 
34 cup dark beer 
14 cup clam broth 

hlespoons dry white wine 


ng lour 


(continued from 


ge 110) 
2 packers instant bouillon powder 
M teaspoon Worcestershire si 
Have fish dealer split fish, ren 

backbone. Cur fish lengthwise 

Place fish, cut side up, in si 


ed saucepan or electric skillet. 


pan is not kuge enough to keep fish from 
overlapping, use a baking pan. Sp 
fish with salt, 
1 cup water to р 
of lemon. Simms 


xl celery sal 
n. Spr 
covered. 


for 10 min- 
utes. In another saucepan, melt butter 
with bay leal and (туй, Add onion and 


garlic and sauté until oi 
move from flame and stir їп flour 
Slowly stir in beer. clam broth and wine. 
Bring to a boil: reduce flame: simmer 5 
minutes. stirring frequently. Add. bouil- 
lon powder and Worcestershire sauc 
Season to taste and set aside. Remove 
Dish from pan. Pour oll cooking liquid. 
Return fish 10 pan. Pour sauce over 
sh. Again cover pan and simmer. dont 
boil. 5 minutes longer. Place fish on serv- 
dishes. Spoon sauce over fish. 
STUFFED CABBAGE, BEER SAUCE 
(Serves four) 
1 mediumsize head. cabbage 
1 Ib. chopped beet chuck 
Salt, pepper. monosodium glut 
3 tablespoons rice 


ion is yellow, Re- 


Memo to May Grogan (comma) Assistant. Shipping 


Clerk . 


1 heartily agree with your suggeslion that 


substantial economies can be made by thinning down 


our execuli 


е staf} (period) (paragraph) In recognition 


of your excellent suggestion (comma) effective the sixth 
you are hereby appointed Third Vice-President ( period) 


[fective the seventh (comma) in accordance with our 


new executive economy policy (comma) please be advised 
that your services will no longer be required (period) 


‘отау, et cetera, et cetera . . . 


1 small onion, minced very fine 
1 piece celery, minced. very fine 
14 teaspoon ground sage 

3 tablespoons bread crumbs 

1 large Spanish onion. cut julienne 
3 tablespoons. butter 

8-02. can tomatoes 

1 cup dark beer 

2 packets instant bouillon 

2 tablespoons lemon juice 

2 tablespoons vines 
3 tablespoons sugar 
3 whole alls 
Cur core from cabba 


Remove 8 large 


outside leaves. Cut off thick bottom of 
e for an- 


leaves, 


Use ba 


at a time into rapidly bo 
mer just until limp. Dra 
rice in salted water until tend 
and set aside, In mixi 
beef, rice, onion. celery, s 
сипи. Season with | teaspoon s 
teaspoon pepper and 1; teaspoon mono- 
sodium glut: - Mix well. Divide meat 
into 8 equal parts. Fill each cabbage lc 
lolding ends in to make firm roll. Place 
rolls, seam side down, in shallow pan or 
Dutch oven. In another saucepan, sauté 
Spanish onion in butter until onion is 
yellow. Drain tomatoes, reserving, juice. 
Chop tomatoes coarsely and add, with 
juice, to onion. Add beer, instant bouil 
lon, lemon juice, vinegar, sugar and all- 
spice, salt and. pepper to taste. Bring to 
boil. Pour over cabbage rolls. Cover 
and simmer slowly | hour. 


BAKED STUFFED APPLES 
(Serves six) 
2 cans baked apples in syrup, 3 apples 
per сап 
1 cup bread crumbs 
14 cup brown sugar 
1⁄4 cup мош or dark beer 
1, cup melted sweet butter 
14 teaspoon cinnamon 
Juice of 4 lemon 
Dash nutmeg 
3 tablespoons dark Ја 
Heavy sweet cream 
Preheat oven at 370 . Drain apples, 
reserving syrup, In mixing bowl combine 
bread crumbs, sugar, stout, butter, cin 
Mix 
Place 
apples in shallow baking pan or саз 
wole, Fill cwity ol cach apple with 
bread-crumb mixture and pile on top to 
form а smooth mound over cach apple. 
Heat apples in oven 20-25 minutes. Com- 


namon, lemon. juice and nitincg 
well. Add more sugar il desired. 


bine syrup from apples with rum, Heat 
over top flame up to boiling point, but 
do mot boil Place cach apple in deep 


serving dish. At table, pass syrup and 
heavy cream separately. 

To which we can only add—let there 
be dark, and plenty of it. 


SONICS BOOM (continued from page 111) 


ten times as 
nd one of 100 


Thus, a sound of 50 db 
powerful as one of 40 db, 
db is a million times as powerful. 
When acoustics professors аге trying 
to wake up sleepy students, they like to 
у that the softest sound the human 
ar can hear is that of a baby mouse uri- 
Ming on a dry blotter three feet away 
ughly one decibel. Modern super- 
tive microphones made by Bell 


Telephone, General Radio and others 
can hear much softer sounds, They can 


clearly pick up. for example, the noi 
made by a Kleenex fluttering down and 
hitting a solid concrete floor 50 feet 
away. A spy on the sidewalk outside a 
tenstory building can hold such a mi- 
rophone against the wall amd—if it's 
nighttime and there аге no loud noises 
in the building—hear a conversation 
being held on the top floor. 

But most human hearing c: 
come from much louder sounds. Dry 
leaves rustling in a breeze produce 
about 10 db; ordinary conversation, 60; 
a fullyolume discothèque, about 80. 
The discothèque volume is about the 
loudest that the ear can take for a long 
time without discomfort. The loudest 
sounds we're normally subjected to are 
bout 10,000 times more intense, up in 
пе range of 120 to 130 db. This is the 
range where sound begins to cause 
physical pain and deafness, Sounds like 
these аге manufactured by such comp: 
sas the Leslie Company, the nati 
т of foghorns and ship 
les; and Federal Sign and Signa 
poration, the of siren 
The Queen М; 
produces 1231 
feet (the standard distance for me 
uring such noisemakers). A big-city 


db at a distance of 100 


raid siren clobbers the cars with 125 db. 
A large Coast Guard foghorn has about 


twice that power: 128 db. 

A sound that big can cuse tempo- 
ary or ре t deafness, depending 
on its duration and frequency (the car is 
most sensitive to sounds in the middle 
id upper range of a piano). It can also 
cause other odd effects, such as blurred 


vision from oscillation of the eyeballs. 
sull 


Louder sounds cause odder 
Пес. A decade and a ago, а 
ic group at P^ y a State 
ide а shriek so colosal that it 
brew coffee, smash insects and 
On looking back. I find the 
us kind of m 
says the chief. noisemaker, phys- 
ics profesor Isadore Rudnick, now at 
UCLA. “We were developing intense 
sound sources At t ne, almost 
nothing was known about the effects of 
intense sound оп humans. Occasionally 
we'd remind ourselves of the early day 
of radioactivity, when researchers un- 
knowingly exposed themselves to crip- 
pling doses, and we worried.” 


could 
kill mice. 
whole set ol exper 


эте,” 


To find ош what a big sound might 
do to people, besides deafening them, 
р, 
built the most powerful sire 
ceived to that date. It made what was, 
far as anybody knew, the loudest 
continuous sound ever heard on carth 
up to that time: 175 db, some 10,000 
times as strong as the ear-splitting din 
of a large pneumatic riveter. The fre- 
quency range of this enormous howl 
from about 3000 cydes per second 
the top range of a piano) to 34,000 


(па 
eps, in the ultrasonic range. 


trange things happened in th 
nightmarish sound field. И a man put 
his hand directly in the beam of sound, 
he got a painful burn between the 
fingers. When the siren was aimed up- 
ward, 34-inch marbles would float lazily 
about it at certain poins in the ha 
monic field, held up and in by the ou 
agcous acoustic pressure. By varying 
the harmonic structure of the feld, 


"She's truly 


а сай 


Professor Rudnick could make pennies 
dance on a silk screen. with chorusline 
precision, He could even 
se slowly to a vert 
while balancing another penny on 
edge. A cotton wad held in the field 
would burst into flame in about six sec- 
onds. “To satisfy a skeptical colleague 
reports Professor Rudnick, "we lit his 
pipe by exposing the open end of the 
bowl to the field.” 

The researchers were careful to keep 
themselves out of the ghastly sound 
beam, and they wore car plugs and 
pads. All the same, they were troubled 
by odd physical effects while working 


next to the beam. They were plagued 
by dizziness and blurred vision, Fatigue 


There were tick 


set in quickly. 


noses, sometimes acutely disagre: 

Working with the group 
H. F a zoologist i n pest 
control. He discovered that a mouse ex 
posed to the colossal sound died i 
minute, mainly ol 


about а internal 


's callgirl.” 


183 


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ng. Inseis were virtually. dis 
ted in ten seconds. According to 
h син» report, a typical 
mosquito suffered the following catalog 
of misfortunes: “Both wings completely 
shattered. Abdomen full of bubbles. 
Body badly battered. Seles gone. 
Antennae in very bad shape...” 

A scream like that is а potential mili- 
чагу weapon. and since the mid-1950s, 
such supernoisemakers have been mub 
fled in scaccy. “Theres no question 
that a loud sound can do damage, or at 


least could be used to disorient enemy 
troops or flush them out of a hid 
place" said an Army officer опе 
recently in Washington, gazing pen 


ly into a martini. “The 
would such а weapon be pi 
takes a lot of power to gener: 
ng sound. Bullets are a lot cheaper, 
you know.” 

Still. supersereams are now being 
enerated in military labs Robert Gil- 
christ, president of Federal Sign and 
Signal. tells of tantalizing rumors that 
have circulated în the noisemaking bu: 
ness over the past few years. “We just 
heard about a siren of some kind. sup- 
posedly intended for Vietnam." he says. 
“I's said to produce something like 200 
decibels" That would be several 
hundred times as powerful as Professor 
Rudnick’s mons ner 

Gilchrist is a quier min who escapes 
oud business by eating in 
quier restiuvants. Serrin his 
collec cup with care so as not to make it 
cling on the saucer, he starts to icll of 
cases in which his company’s small civil- 
ian sirens have been used as weapons. 
"There se in Illinois a lew 
iontlis he recalls. “A race riot. 
he local police broke it up by simply 
driving their cars into the mob with the 
sirens going. A sound like that is like a 


questioi 
ical? It 


ous scie 


from his 


down 


мау а 


bucket of cold water in the face: It 
breaks a man's train of thought. The 
rioters couldn't pay attention 1o what 


they were doing. They stopped fighting 
and just milled around. The police got 
the two gangs separaicd and drove 
them in opposite direccions with the si- 
rens—actually pushed them down the 
street with sound." 

The subject of sonic weapons is a 
touchy one. If you ask questions on a 
sober morning in the Pentagon, You re- 
ceive dry chuckles in reply. "Sonic 
weapons? Haw. haw. You've been r 
ing лоо much science fiction, р 
quest organisations 
such as МІТ, the Bell Telephone Labs 
and RCA reveal the oddly contradictory 


information that all. have Government 
sonics contracts that they aren't allowed 
to talk about. Some of these conmracts 


have to do with well-known military 
ipplications of sound 
пи] other ccho-ranging syst 
sonics researd is more bizarre 

The Nazis in World. War Two w 


such as sonar 
п. Other 


"re 


interested 
sound, though they were neve 
use it effectively. Early in the War, they 
experimented with attachments that 
would make bombs and artillery shells 
scream. moan and warble. The hope 
was that these loud sounds would make 
troops and city populations panic. It 


n the military promise of 
able to 


didn't work. except on small children. 
Toward 


the end ol the War, as the 
out of ammunition. reports 
that German bombers were 
dropping beer boriles, The bottles made 
a high-pitched shriek as they fell. the 
id, and were obviously imend 


reports 


ed scare weapon, Two American 
Harold Burris Meyer and 
Mallory, investigated the ru 


mor. Mallory stood on the shore of a 
small lake in New Jersey one afternoon 
and Burris-Meyer flew over in a plane 
and dropped bottles of assorted sizes and 
pes into the lake. “I heard no sound 
that was remotely frightening,” reported 
Mallory. "In fact, it was quite a pleasant 
musical afternoon 
u, site of the notorious 
ı camp. a team of Nazi sci- 
cutists experimented with the use of 
powerful sirens to control groups of 
people. The hope was that, if а sound 
could be made loud enough, it could be 
wed do paralyze enemy 
troops battlefield situations, 
There © been more sadism than 
science in these experiments, for the only 


known resuliy were that several Jews 

used аз test subjects were deafened 
Research since 

useful. At 


then has been more 
Force medical lab in 
lor instance. a group led by Dr. 
ng Е. von Gierke has been mak- 
"E similar studies of the ellecs of 
sound on man. Dr. von Gicrkes main 
concern is with the unwanted clfeas of 


loud aircraft noises and other 20th Cen- 


tury sounds on the Air Forces own 
men, bur mili planners have 
watched this and related studies with 


п сус on weapons possibilities 
One rather weird finding 10 come 
from such researc is that various parts 
of the human body resonate to certain 
frequencies of sound. (А resonance is an 
answering vibration: Hold a banjo near 
а piano and play an A on the piano. and. 
the banjos A string will sing.) Some 
body resonances are mildly uncomfort- 
able. Some iu 
In New York recently, an acoustics 
wineer demonstrated one such 
nance to a group of Columbia Universi 
ty students, He sat them in a room and 
led them with 
quency of 
cycles. per second—roughly the pitch of 
the Don 4 Within 
seconds, half the men were hunying out 
of the room seven is the fre- 
quency at which the average human 
nal sphincter resonates. When it 


г worse 


c 


reso- 


Missive sound at 


ош vibiations or 


nexi-rolowest pian 


seve 


resonates hard enough, it can no longer 
be controlled. 

Such a sound could conceivably be 
used to demoralize enemy troops—or, 
more likely, to cool off mobs and quell 
riots. It would be a weapon with a sense 
of humor—certainly with a bigger smile 
than other police crowd-control. weap- 
such as cattle prods, night sticks, 
fire hoses and tear gas. “Any such weapon 
will have to wait for another step forward. 
in sound-making technology before its 
p ys Lewis Goodfriend. "At 
present its too expensive to make big 
АИ the same, at least one siren 
making company is now reportedly ех 
perimenting with a huge low frequency 
boomer for crowd control. 


ric sa 


sounds. 


Other body resonances have other 
effects. A New York journalist. George 


Riemer. recalls a pilgrimage he made to 
the Newport Jazz Festival in Rhode Is- 
land some years ago. At one ight 
party, among other interesting sights, he 
saw a girl lying eardown on the [loo 
next to ап enormous bass fiddle. The 
bass man was playing, watching the girl 
th intere 

find out what was going on. "Aren't you 
afraid you'll get stepped on?” he asked 
the girl. 

She looked ир him dreamily. 
“That's the chance I take,” she said. "lt 
turns me on. 1 get it through the floor. I 
mean, it tums me ont" А усаг Шит, 
Riemer heard that she had married the 
1. тап. 

There is 


Riemer squatted down to 


that still has to be 
bout sound and the human re 
sponse to it. Another odd. effect, not at 
all clearly understood, is that a loud 
sound са з out other body sensa 
tions, such as pain. A dentist in Cam- 
bridge. Massachusetts, a big, genial man 
named Dr. Wallace Gardner, chanced 
on a way to use this effect in 1958, He 
had а patient named Joseph C. R. Lick- 
lider, a psychologist from the acoustics 
firm of Bolt. Beranek and Newn 
Licklider didn't like the sound of a den- 
tal drill, and he theorized that. patients 
might be happier in the chair if they 
couldn't hear that menacing whine. To: 
gether, Gardner and Licklider devel 
oped gadgetry for masking the sound. 
The cringing patient put on a pair of 
earphones. By turning knobs in а con- 
uol box on his lap. he could hear either 
raperecorded. music or wl d. He 
could turn the sound up to thunderin, 
volume if he liked. 

Licklider 
ide: 


much 


ied 


п drow 


te х 


Fist amd then other pa 
tients tried. the To Dr. Gardne 
arprise, they reported that they not 
only couldw't hear the drill. they 
couldn't feel it, either. Somehow 
sound masked the pain. A year b 
Dr. Garduer for the first time. pulled 
oth with no anesthetic othe 
sound. The man listened to white 


and a Beethoven symphony and 


the 
8 


reported feeling. perfectly comfortable 


during the operation. Today, dentists 
throughout the country use this “audio- 
analgesia." It doesn’t work with every- 
body. but it works so well with some that 
dentists have used it to pull entire mouth- 
fuls of teeth without hearing а word of 
comp 

Why does it work? Nobody knows. 
Dr. Gardners theory. supported by 
some psychologists, is that there is a limit 
to the human brain's seusation-receiving 
capacity. If the brain is receiving а huge 
amount of sound, it may have little 
capacity left to receive pain sensations. 

Sound. may n little 
capacity to thi This is why a siren 
сап break up a riot—and it is also why 
people who live or work in cities, or in 
industrial plants or near airports, are mak 
ing more and more noise about the noise. 
“The more tedinology advances. 
Frederick Van Veen of General. R: 
Company, which makes sound-me: 


struments, “the noisier it gets. 
noisicr it gets, the harder it is on people 


who work with their brains.” 


апуу 
noise-level mer to Manhattan onc 
recently. He wanted to know the 
extent to which city noise in the mid 
reres with conversation, and 
meter set to pay special at 
tention to frequencies of sound that in- 
terfere most with talk, With this setting, 
any sound clocked at 70 db or more is 
one that will require some degree ol 
shouting or will drown out words entire 
ly. On a sidewalk at the corner of 47th 
Street and Second. Avenue, Van Veen 
got readings of 70 to 74 db. This was at 
2:30, a relatively quiet time of after 
noon. In a bus going through a tunnel. 
he clocked 73 db. On a subway plat- 
form, ten leet from а passing train, hı 
90 db. 

Citizens of New York and other big 
cities don't really need decibel readings 


те: 


185 


PLAYBOY 


186 


to tell them noise levels have been ris- 
One summer morning last year, an 
gry Manhattanite, tormented beyond 
v of his 
fror тап outdoors 
jammed а noisy n Dep 
ad-downward in a garbage 
v whis- 
1. “АП right, all right,” 
ful the can, 


се by the vast cacophor 
bed 


rose his 


1 he ro 
said the mou 
"quit. shouting. 

Cities have always been noisy. The 
Greeks of ancient  Sybaris arrested 
people for shouting in the streets. The 
Romans told dirty jokes about the Svba- 
rites’ sensitive ears, holding that Rome's 
noise was proof of its virility: but Juve 
nal. Cicero and other thinking Romans 
had to flee to the county to get any 
work done. In later times Marcel 
Proust paneled his study with cork to 
shut out the “terrible voice" ol Paris. 
Charles Babbage, 19th Century English 

hematician who fathered the mod- 
ern digital computer. made himself no- 
torious with incessant complaints about 


voice in 


the noise of London. Bands of street 
musicians would come miles out of their 
way to play gleefully bencath his win- 
dow. He and his ladyfriend, the Count- 
ess ol Lovelace, рїнєт of Lord 
Byron, pelted the musicians with rouen 
fruit and meat bones. "Cod, oh God. 
why did you give me ¢ Babbage 
would howl. 

If things were bad then. they're пе 
ly intolerable now. It’s estimated. that 
the average noise level of the average 
«іту has increased by about опе decibel 
per year for the past 30 years. This has 
caused. all kinds of problems. Constant 
nobe damages the hearing. dt robs 
people of sleep. It makes them irritable. 
The World Health Organization in 1966 
warned that “noise pollution” is one of 
the worst health hazards їп cities all 
around the globe. Some psychiatrists 
have even suggested that the рам dec 
ades? n violent crimes. com- 
mon 10 cit all industrial nations. 
may have resulied. at least рагу from 
wo mudi noise. "Even such а thing as 


interrupted sleep may be dangerous," a 
pswhiauist told a New York mental 
hygiene committee in 1966. “И people are 
prevented from drea severe psy 
chotic symptoms may appear.” Noise, 
short, drives people 
The need for at} 
seems to be u 
Some years 
rigged up an experiment to show that 
man iy not the only creature with an 
aluuistic love for his fellow creatures 
They hung a rat by his qail. He 
squealed, Other rus in the cage could 
lower him to the floor by pushing a rc 
lease lever, and after a бше practice. 
they learned 10 do this as soon as they 


apo. two psychologists 


their buddy aling. “Aha. 
said the psychologists. A year 
psychologists at the De 


tence Research Medical Laboratories in 
Toromo duplicated the experiment. But 
instead of hanging a rat by the tail, they 
used recordings of white noise, The rais 
leaned to push a lever and stop the 
noie even more quickly. Conclusion: 
alruism, shmaliruism. The rats jus 
couldnt stand. the damned. noise. 

B. F. Goodrich, maker of Deadbeat. 
has recently been publicizing a guess 
that noise costs the n niclustries 
000.000 a day in decreased. human ef 
ficiency and in compensation lor injuries 
(not only damage to the car but also in 
jurics resulting from not hearing а dan 
E or warming shout). Things are 
bound to get worse before they get bet 
ter. California and а few other: states. 
ew York id few other cities, have 
recently passed noiselimiting laws, but 
these are only now in the stage of b 


Lion's 


tested in court. While the tests go өп 
technology will get noisier. In about 
two years. 10 mention only onc exampl 


liners will 
g over our already noisy towns and 
ies. A plane lying faster than sound 
(660 mph at an altitude of 35,000 feet) 
a sonic boom 
mes loud enough to break win 
ics experts. have 
ying to find a way to eliminate this jar 
ring, noise, but they're no closer to а so 
lution than when the first. booms were 
heard in the United Stat п the carly 
1950s. 

‘here's a lot to be done 

ness" Lewis Goodíriend told 
recently, as they strolled down a side 
walk on the way to lunch. “There are 
two big avenues of research: learnin 
how to use sound and learning how to 
get away from it when it isn't wanted. 
Aemally. 1 think we're just on the 
threshold ol" 

But it was 12 оос, and a noon 
whistle began то screech Irom а build- 
ing nearby, and the rest of Goodfriend's 
words were Jost in the d 


‘obably be 


spent years 


1 this busi 
reporter 


Semper cum 
superbia 


That’s the motto of the Continental 
States of America. If you never heard 
of such a country, that’s understand- 
able... because it isn't really real. We 
invented it, so you’d know where the 
Proud Birds of Continental Airlines go. 

Though the C.S.A. isn’t real, the 
motto is! “Always with pride” de- 
scribes the difference between Conti- 
nental and the other major airlines. 
Continental’s people take an almost 
patriotic pride in their airline. 

You can feel it in the way they do 
things above and beyond their 


with pride 


Growing 
‘The Continentel States of America 


always with pride 


expected duty. In their thoroughness. 
Their attention to detail. And you feel 
good. Comfortable. Confident. 

In the C.S.A.—come travel with us, 
and feel the difference pride makes. 
Your travel agent or Continental will 
arrange it...please call. Then you 
too may have a motto — Semper cum 
Continental. 


Continental Airlines 


the proud bird with the golden tail 


187 


У. HOW FAST 

* з 

to buy slacks...you have to slacks (continued from page 108) 
Especially these Cambridge Classics of wrinkle -free Fortrel Never need HOES TEE worked! far BEG e ago 
pressing. Classic lvy styling in the magnificently casual San Francisco manner. when HechtLancaster was called Norma 


rich, action colors and patterns. 50% Fortrel® D Productions, during the days of Ten 
Miis enge “л р zen polyester and5 Dh Tall Men and Flame and the Arrow, re- 


combed cotton. (About $10.) Write for name of the store nearest you. joined Hecht after a decade to assist on 


——| | Cat Ballou, The next morning, Linde 
^ CACTUS. CASUALS 


mann took me on a tour of the Columbia 
ВОХ 2468, SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO. CALIFORNIA 94080 


PLAYBOY 


& L executive building, introducing me a 

ELANESE 'ORTREL young writer whom Hecht had the 
^ CONTEMPORARY FASHION F'Bi chutzpah to bring down from Seattle. 

1t turned out that he, among many 


Harold Hecht included, shared my reser 
vations concerning the Macy Tower 


с © cs trademark of Fiber tnd 0 


outline 
“What are you going to do instead? 
he inquired at one point. 
| I don't know yet.” 1 told him 
"There's a real film to be made about 
student unrest—the problem is to make 
th picture.” 
“Yes.” 
“Want some advice? Get out of this 
town while you still have a chance. 
Shorıly after our tour, 1 was taken to 
lunch by Hecht in Columbia's executive 
dining room, а Florentine-wallpapered 


suite where waiters sport El Morocco 
uniforms 

Hecht, slicing a blood-rare steak, 
asked il Pd had any recent thoughts 
юш the college story. "Usually when E 
been fer 


sut on something lor 
menting in my mind for а few months, 
sir. HE E were to do another college script 
Fd like ло uy one about the recent 
Berkeley scene.” 

That's what ран of the Stacy out 


lines about, isn't ii 


“Ts it? 
Hecht chuckled. When he is in a good 
mood, he will sometimes chuckle through, 


out an entire conversation, But even 


when a 


cred. should you suddenly 
decide to tell him where it’s at, he will 
not in response slap vou. down with a 
Listen, you young smart ass, 1 was han 
dling Chayefsky and Odets before you 
could even hold a crayon. Оше he 
would have, and did during the carly 
years with Lancaster. H you tell people 
who knew Hecht ten years ago that he 
strikes you as а gentleman of style, they 
cough into their fists 

On ош way back from lunch, Heche 
deposited me m Lindemaun's office, then 
disappeared. 

"Come im." said Lindemann, "and 
meet а friend.” 

The friend is Lee Marvin, thin and 
tall and sunburned, dressed casually in 
white denims, a bandage covering his 


n 


left car. He stands, gawking forward 


slightly, and shakes my hand. I sit down 


ind say nothing as Marvin and Linde 


mann continue their discussion of Mar 


vin's future acting plans. Lindemann 


sees Marvin asa n 


w Bogart, now at the 


ter Cat. Ballou and 


188 peak of his career 


Ship of Fools. Marvi 
chair as if seated on 
bored by any mention of his c 
has stories to rell and they i 


ging in his 
home, seems 


ver. He 


етем. him. 


morc. Lindemann—in сату terms— 
informs Marvin of the Paxton Quigley 
plot. Marvin looks at me, one hand rising 
spiderlike to mask his [ace 

Now that, Steve," he says, "is а con- 
Revenge, right? Right. Chicks, 
¢ too much," Marvin is out of his 
he swoops about the office like а 
‚ his arms flailing as he gets the 
image into focus. Then he's off, he's each 
of the three girls sneaking up the attic 
stairs to ravish Quigley. He stops, Then 
suddenly he's Qu 
lootseps. "Now di 
but it's unnecessary 
both. right there in the ani 
reseats himself and lights a 
sucking with a 1 
rene goes int 


n ashtr 


this time. aci 


that concerns a cert 
which there's a 


тоғ party at 
che loudmouth. M. 


instantly he's the object of the loud- 
mouth's nd we cringe in sym. 
pathy for him. The anecdote is over: 
Marvin, sums outstreiched, balls his hands 
into two fists, then lets the fingers float 
ош. "Wheeeceee . . ." he says, and we 
watch an airplane take off. 

For an hour Marvin. continues. these 
vignettes; they are sometimes coherent. 
sometimes not, but unanimously bril 
liant. “h's time for a touch of spirits." he 
decides finally. and the three of us head 
down the corridor to Hedis privare 
office, Marvin says to me confidentially 
as we're abour to enter: “Don't get 
n this town, Steve. Bad news. 


the: 


The cruds.’ 

^ топи 
telling his secretaries he s not ta 
calls. Marvin stoops before Hecht's re 
эг. comes up with a bottle of 


y asked Bob Mitchum in 
terview if he followed the Stani 
Method, dig? Mitchum looks 
eye and says, "Stanislavsky hell, 1 follow 
the Smirnotl Method” Too much A 

The vodka boule is cracked, M. 
and Lindemann begin several & 
Hecht this afieznoon has no time 
such diversions: Impatiently he fidye 
behind his desk, slyly eying the clock 
over the door. But Hecht makes no move 
to hurry things along. merely refuses the 
bottle with а Gut smile. I sit 10 one side, 
now watching Marvin as he goes into his 
bits, his mind а series of Tedmicolor 
shorts, now watching Heche play finger 
forming tepees and isosceles 
At times Hecht brings the back 
of one hand to his mouth to smother a 
yawn. 

Three hours biter, we are still in 
Hechts office, Outside, the sun is setting 
Through it all, Hecht has sat brooding, 


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HARLEY 
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PLAYBOY 


190 


and I realize now that he is too well 
versed in the subuetics of his profession 
10 voice any vexation. Marvin remem 
bers a doctor's appointment. Today he 
has the stitches taken out of his ear. He 
pulls the bandage from the ear—a thin 
stream of blood trickles down his cheek 
—then he tiptoes toward the door. s 
ing. “Don't wake the baby," with Linde- 
mann and me in close pursuit. 

"One second." Hecht says to me. Т 
turn and go toward the chair as а secre- 
тату arm reaches in to dose the door. 
Hecht recaps the vodka boule, returns 
it to his refrigerator. “I must apologize 
Тог this.” 

For what? “Don't, I сиј 

"Did you?” Hecht 
lakes that same bottle out of the 
ator and "Let's have a d 


By unspoken Irom that 
afternoon on, Hecht and 1 accepted each 
other on a listen-now, kiugh-kter basis. 
During the next two days we engaged in 
а delice fencing match, Hecht thrusting 
at me lightly with his “thoughts” about 
the college могу see kids running 
all around, from here to there, with 
nobody to listen 10 them because these 
universities have just become too large. 
Don't you?"—while 1 parried with a few 
concepts of my own—"I'd like to do а 
Strangelove kind of thing about these 
monster multiversities, I think. How does 
that sound? 

“Fine” said Hecht, 
brilliant movie, didn’t you thin 


“Strangelove was a 


Yes, 
1 only hope we don't wind up with 
1," Hecht added. 

down at last to a 


thing to speci 

Ic came 
aesthetics. 1 would have much preferred 
to sell out for money. but Hecht elimi 
t possibility, and so 1 was left 
te between d 


matter. of. 


Ле or sunshine, 


Douglas firs or sheltering palms, Theo. 
dore Roethke or Nathanael West. And, 
alas, the locusts won. 


1 returned to Seattle Saturday night. 
Monday morning. my 1957 Volvo loaded 
with books, ashtrays, record albums and 
myriad manuscripts, 1 was driving down 
through Oregon orchards toward. Berke- 
ley, where I spent ten days taking notes. 


Arriving in Hollywood during the first 
days of October, Т found an apartment 
ıe block below Sunset, not more than a 
mile from Columbia Studios. The land- 
lord kept calling me Pete 

“You won't find another place li 
this. Pete, on the whole street, Look, 


"What 
"Out i 


front, sec? No lights. It’s a 
class building. You think Ud put in them 
red and orange foods under the bushes 
to make ‘em look like Christmas trees? 


Never, Pete, this ain't по whorchouse, 
you should pardon the expression. No, 
по, you'll love it.” 

It came up in the course of introduc 


tions that 1 was about to start writing at 
а studio. 

A writer, huh? Listen, Pete, you 
couldn't believe who died in an apart- 


ment just four blocks from here." 
o idea. 

Scott. Fitzger 

right? Over on Laurel Avenue, 1103. 

You should k by е 

time," 


Hecht and I met early the followins 
week, our first reunion since my rerum 
He wore a monogrammed crimson pin- 
stripe (shirts by Lanvin in Paris) under 
a worsted pewter sports coat. (Dominic 
Pinaro, the tailor. Hecht was sitting 
on the tufted couch drinking an Alka- 
Seltzer when 1 entered. I sat myself at 
the opposite end of it. 

"Don't sit there, Sit across from 
onc of thos: chairs, where | can sce you.” 

Mer inquiring where Fd setded, 
Hecht handed me a filmscript that he 
wed me to read. The conversation 
drifted 10 writers whom he'd. employed 
throughout his career. 

EI tell you something about writers. 


e in 


Hecht said: "They hare me, most of 
than. 
Try paying them, Mr. Hecht, “Why's 


that, sir? 
“A writer's script is all he has. If you 
take it out of his hands, he’s got nothing 
left" A pause, ther 
You'll hate me, too, someday. / 
writers 007 
"The air was getting a bit thi 
quickly changed subjects. 
Did you bring in an outline with 


11 


‚ Hecht 


you 

"No. Гле got a bag of notes T took at 
Berkeley, but Im not too good at out- 
lines. 

"Do you want to talk about the script 
you have in mind, or would you prefer 
10 show us your notes?” 

“Why don't 1 type up what I have?” 

“Why don't you. Stephen." 

As Т walked to the door, I thought 
maybe 1 should reassure him; “Have 
little faith in me, Mr. Hecht. I think I 
might have something going.” 
ith? You have to earn my faith, the 


money is deductible.” 
His mouth opened and puckish 
ghter erupted without warning from 


somewhere deep within, ccickling a 
the air like kernels of popcorn, 


For three days, working at my apart- 
ment, T rearranged those Berkeley notes 


ted “oul 
were still 


into a hagmei 
ters, howeve 
limbo. 

Hecht telephoned, finally. “Where've 
you been hidi We're anxious to see 
what youre doing. 


My charac- 
1 plotless 


» longhand, 


pe too 


“Well, I write things out 
Mr. Hecht, and I don't. ty 
so itll take me another day to type it 
all ар” 


Ша be necessary. Wi 
have secretaries here. One of them will 
be able to read your handwriting, don't 
you think? Why not bring it in now 
and well read it overnight, then we'll 
meet tomorrow 


sh 


See you then. 

What I handed i 
cerned а campus agitator nimed Zino 
d two undergraduate lovers, 
а Adam, who are cohabiting 
inly as a result of their belief that by 
living together they may actually be able 
10 mature despite four years of u 
vorired education under the gu 


to be typed con- 


sis- 


ace of 
faceless administrators, Zino the activist 
lives at home with Mom: Adam the folk 
guitarist cuts and cleans his fingernails, 
Trin „ keeps a tidy 
ment. The 27-page synopsis seemed 
пе to have ошу one attribute: It 
offered nothing for a young Dick Powell. 
Yet. 


When I went into Hecht’s private 
office the following afternoon, he and 
Lindemann were mumbling to each orh- 


cr. Hecht saw me, cuapulted. from his 
her chair and strode to the couch, a 
dancer's stride. 1 was ready for anything 
exept dor what happened, Hecht 
grinned in my direction, applecheeked, 
and suid: 

We've асай your notes and w 
lighted. Just delighted.” 

1 blinked. Hecht, gleeful and buoyant, 
continued: 

“You've created some real characters. I 
think there's a good chance that we'll be 
ble to do this film. Do you have any 
questions?” 

“Well. L—ah, Em glad you liked it. 1 
mean, it doesn't have much plot yet. I'm 
not such a great. plotter." 

“You've gor enough: The administra- 
tion doesn't want to get involved in 
uying 10 keep students hom be 
gether. But Zino puts them in a position 
where they're forced to make an issue of 
separating Adam and Trina. 
forms the Free Sex Movement 
ader 


€ de- 


marvelous," 

“Thank you.” 

Lindemann smiled: “You've got more 
story than you'll need h 

“This Zino Street, what's his nationali 
Hecht asked. 

‚ишан 

Remembering something. һе laughed 
“We made Marty Ialian, We were going 
10 make him Jewish, but I said it's better 
for everybody concerned if we make our 
Marty Dial teal of Jewish. Keep 


What a time for Falstaff. 

Crisp. Clean. Robust. 

For four generations, good taste has made Falstaff | 
the choicest product of the brewers’ art.? Everywhere. 


Falstaff Brewing Corp., St. Louis, Mo. 


PLAYBOY 


192 


Zino Italian, that’s finc." 

"Is there anything he 
you with?” Lindemann asked mc. 

I mentioned a point in the outline 
where my story scemed too contrived. 
Lindemann came up with an alternate 
course of action that neither of us bought. 
Hecht made his suggestion and Linde- 


we can help 


mann, slapping the chair arm, said: 

utiful! You're really cook- 
Then, to me: "Har- 
Perfect. 


Great, bea 
ing today. Harold. 
old's given you the 
You're on your way 


answer. 


Hecht shook hi 
reason why they can't be living together, 
if that’s the way it is. Do you, Mitch? 
. Harold. Kids do these things.” 
We were all smiling. How did I want 
10 proceed, Hecht asked? No more out- 
lines, sir, I told him; let me go right into 
the screenplay itself. Fine, Hecht agreed, 


if you get stuck at all, come to Mitch or 
me; ha's what were here for. Thank 
you, Mr. Hecht, is there any chance now 


ight be 


ble to get a permanent place 
apartment's а 
OF course, said Hecht, pick 
ing up the phone. 

There were no olfices available in the 
executive building, bur they could рис 

ng room on the back lot. I 

һ who led me outside 
several sound stages, through a 
ay bordered by а small infirmary 
al the studio Automat, up a tiny eleva- 
to the third floor. down a butter: 
scotch-rugged corridor to dressing room 
306. The man unlocked the door. 

"This is Steve McQueen's former 
dressing room." he told me. "We might 
have to move you out of it into another 
if Casting wants to reclaim й. But 
until then . . ." 

The man 1 
I entered wl 


around here 


was 


past 
doorw 


тог 


ded me the key and left. 
1 looked Like a large bed 


less motel. room, to а mirror- 
walled area where an € e dresing 
table stretched the length of the room. A 
white-t hroom. complete h 


ower uer, was visible 
through ап opened door at the opposite 
end. There were aho three closers, a 
utherine couch, two stuffed lounge 
chairs, а built-in bar and a refrigerator. 1 
searched everywhere for some trace of 
Steve. Nothing, it semed. But opening 
the refrigerator door. I spouted опе can 
of vanilla Metrecal, alone the bonom 
mc to write home 
I: Her g to tell 
about McQueen. 
You're probably wondering how I hap- 
pen to know this. Well...” 

The beige telephone rang, Hechr's 
blonde secretary was calling for Mr. 
Hecht to inquire did I own a car? Yes 
Would it be possible for me to give Mr. 
Hecht a ride home, his wile has his auto- 
mobile and he dislikes taxis? 

An hour later, in my 57 Volvo, Hecht 


shelf. Tt was 
Mom and I 
your fr 


ds 


and 1 were driving down Sunset Strip 
through the haze of a smoggy autumn 
twilight toward. Coldwater Canyon. We 
pased I's Bos—ONLY монт CLUB IN 
AMERICA WHERE YOU CAN DE ADMITTED 
AT 5—continuin, Sneaky Peres, 
the Body Shi 
Go-Go, The Trip, Pandora's Box: 
blurred by, their marquees spl 
The Lovin’ Spoonful, The Byrds, The 
Kinks The Chosen Few . . . 

“You know, Mr. Hecht, I get the feel- 


‚ Hollywood-a- 
they all 


ing one hot day this'll all just melt ino а 
great styrene glob.” 

No. it used to be that way.” Hecht 
corrected me, looking straight ahead, 


“But the town's changed lately. For in- 
stance, until two years ago, you had to 
Ш yourself to do а good film. But now 
it's easier. it’s more open, there's a real 
possibility.” 

Yes, but. 

“You're a young writer. You came 
down here to do something good, didn't 
you?" 

“Yes, bur—" 

"Three years ago. it would have been 
much more difficult. Things are chang- 
ing. This year is the year of the writ- 
cr. His receptivity has enlarged. Films 
have become а respectable art form." 

But if writers out here are ge 
weated likc—1 mean, if others a 


brought in to work on their mat 
without their having any say in 
matter- " 


Үе: 
The thought of that might scare off a 
lot of young writers, no?” 

“No, I don't think so." 
And that was that. Neither of us spoke 
until we'd turned onto Coldwater Can- 
yon Drive. Hecht, glancing at the dash- 
board, said: "Ehe main reason that I'm 
interested in doing this university picture 


is. 1 never had псе to go to college 
myself.” 
Places like Berkeley, Mr. Hecht, 
e really ripe for a satire. 


Hecht nodded: “I don't think anyone 


istration and 
the students—do you? I we make a fun. 
picture that everyone сап enjoy. Do 
your" 

No." 

“I think we can do i 
shouldn't be overawe 
Stephen. We're very 
what you've done and 
you now. 
k you,” 


A pause. “You 
by any of this, 
delighted with 
we have real 


That was the last time I spoke to 
months. 


for He 


Hecht privately two 
suddenly ether 
ducer. 


Within weeks after Id arrived. Hecht 
had managed to o all other 
interested panties for the to Fini- 


ап'з Rainbow and had also—alter more 


than a decade—succeeded in raising 
capital for The Way West, based on a 
novel by A. B. Guthrie, Jr. Aside from 
these two current projects, Hecht. was 
also occupied with the sequel to Cat Bal- 
lou, having hired and fired six writers 
thus far in an auempt to “come up with 
the right story.” As  Lindem 
plained it: “We're not satisfied 
thing less than the best.” 


On occasion, Pd spy the back of 
Hecht’s left car as he entered his office. 
or the cori pel as he € 


ed. He'd sn 
how's eve 


ello, Steph 


xL. 
Fach morning I rode up the automatic 
elevator to Steve McQueen's former 
dressing room. did a few hours of re 
search on Berkeley, then settled down to 
write, Superstars were everywhere. I 
soon learned to distinguish among them 
by car. Jerry Lewis, for example. opens 
his dre ‘oom door with a brisk click, 
while Richard. Widmark will turn the 
handle slowly and methodically, like а 
man whos appeared in one too many 
gangster movies. They never dropped 
by. they said only, “Go ahead. go...” 
when we'd ride the elevator together. 

1 found myself. meanwhile, writing a 
very маце screenplay: Dialog was di 
1 de werei 
be 


characters 
action, In short, 1 
ty Hecht had afford 
me to hip film free 
pressures. No one stood ove 
my shoulder muttering. “Turim, vou 
mustn't do that..." No опе browbeat 
me with threats of instantancous dismiss- 
al and 1 was left with only myself to 
blame for treading water when I should 
have been racing ahead with a wild, 
frenzied satiric side stroke. Lindemann 
repeatedly informed me that while he 
usually stays very close to Hecht's writ 
ers, the subject of my screenplay re- 

ined outside his realm of experience, 
and therefore, "I I get too close right 
now, I might cramp your style.” He did 
not cramp my style, 1 cramped m 
Апет three weeks of laisse: faire, which 
Га sorely abused, it seemed time to 
cither seek help or chuck the whole en- 
ise, One alu 
in and told у 
“Let us sce what you've done so Lar, 


work, my 
pushed 


ato 


blew this opport 
ed 


write a from 


own. 


advised, and 1 handed in the first 49 
pages of my screenplay 
5 the wort mistake а Holly 


wood writer G nd 
ice 


mi 


ake, you never | 
yihing in, fiend. Bur s 
and I nn not 
g me in typical Hollywood fasl 
ason to play posum. They 
al over the weekend 
n scheduled the first of m 


said 


adem 


were 


эн, 


Si... EL is if you take the 
chopper for a short hop to the _ 


ranch you're glad your jacket - 
and slacks are made of it 

so you wont be all rumpled 
when you pull off that slick 
deal with the cattle broker. 


RATNER CALIFORNIA CLOTHES came up with 


thi: heeling jacket and slacks to prove a point: Classic 


dull. And you can be sure this jacket and slacks will 
e made of Arnel tria ELANESE IRNEL 
, about $20. For the name 


ofthe store nearest you, w atner Clothes, San Diego 92112. Add a fiber from Celanese and good tng get better 193 


PLAYBOY 


really know what the hell you're try 
10 do. It’s all over everywhere, But Har- 
old thinks it shows great talent" 

"s a mess, if you ask me, Mitch. I 
still havent found any action for my char- 
acters, Г treading “water.” 

The scene you have between Adam 
and Trina in their ment, we like, 
But what I want to know right away is 
why I should take these kids seriously. 
Here's a line of dialog 1 wrote that you 
might decide to add. Suppose Trina 
хаух. before she turus out the light: 
“That's all we are, crummy pieces of let- 
tuce with nowhere to go"? How does that 
sound?” 

“wai—” 

“I want to care about your characters. 
Ive got to know by page five what are 
their hopes. their dreams and their aspi 
rations, Because, if I don't care about 
these kids, then why should 1 care what 
happens 10 them? 

"Why don't you care about Adam and 
Trin 
“They're just 
s shacking up 
concerned.” 


bored, 
together, 


irresponsible 
з far as I'm 


“Harold and 1 don't understand what 
you're uying to do.” 
“L think I know what I'm trying to do, 
Mitch, but my hangup is that I'm not 
doing it yet." 
"What should I advise you, Stephen? 
"Suppose I threw out most of that pre 


liminary stuff and went right imo the 
scene where those deans isue the 
directive. 


“That's an idea.” 

“Most of what I've done so 
my own benefit, anyway: to fi 
about the characters 

Lindemann encouraged me to be} 
with the issuing of the directive. “I dont 
care if it takes you a whole year to write 
this film, take as long as you want, but do 
à good job." I told him I appreciated his 
willingness to let me have my 

Harold and 1 believe you can make it,” 
il. 

Isat down and wrote a 
mu read 
Productions alwa 


head, 


he s 


Неди 
ys types up eight copies 
on yellow. onionskin—and. said: 

UE don’t 


Linde the mater 


kuow wi 


the hell you're 
trying to do here. Th lecky 

I silly, making fun of the administra- 
бов Resides, your story's with the 
students 


laybe, Mitch, but if 
“L could do in three pages what its 
aken you fificen pages 1o do. The whole 
"soa definite regression.” 

Wait a second, pal. “But 
Lindemann's tone then 


changed: 


“Harold and 1 won't let you go any fur- 


ther without an outline, We've got a sec- 
retary free. Dictate to her just about five 
pages or so and we'll meet again tomor- 


194 row. Tell us why we should cire about 


the kids in this film, 
thing.” 

I should have called Hecht himselt at 
this point, I should have refused to dic 
tare а word. D should have demanded 
plete autonomy. Вис instead, like 
Kafka's cver-suppliant K, I did as they 
asked. 

The next 


that’s the main 


to 


Lindemann conferred 
with me about my dictated outline: “I 
don't know what the hell you're trying to 
do here. This is smar The т 
story you ir between 
Zino and Trina. The first time they meet 
cach other they but we 
can tell there’s something between them 
right away. Now, 1 sec a very funny 
movie to be made out of all this. But 
how can we tell the story of what's hap- 
pening in American universities today if 
we base this screenplay on something 
like that Free Sex Movement of yours? Is 
that an important issu 
“You Бош seemed to like it before, 
itch. 
“It won't work.” 
Lindemann intended to help, as he'd 
successfully assisted Walter Newman 
and many others in Hecht's stable. 
man, responsible for creating Marvin's 
boozing gunfighter, Kid Shelleen, in Cat 
Ballou, considers Hecht and Lindemann 
“the two most toler id patient. men 
Tve ever written under. 
And yet, in the process of revising the 
opening section of my screenplay under 
Lindemamn's tutelage, through the five 
drafts and numerous outlines that 1 kept 


churning out until Thanksgiving, strange 
things happened. Lindemann would 


read my 
могу 


test draft and call me in for a 
conference that reiterated 


yester- 


pated tomorrow's session 
he'd say. “you still haven't 
1d and me yet why we should 
your characters.” 

n t0 be hard on you," he'd 
add. We both understood there was no 
malice in his criticisms. 

“What's the mauer with them now?” 
Id ask. 

“Trina’s а despicable human being, 
Айат» a dump. Zino's stupid" he'd 
«ру. then add: “They're nowhere. 

indemann often rem me that 
film would be scen by the peoples of 


tep 


thi 
n—all over the world, in 
we didn't tell 
ersities in our country were 


France and Spa 
fact—and ıl 
them the uni 
yun by a bunch of n 
tually, Lindem: 
his basic grievance: "You can't expect to 
focus on two kids living together and 
have your audience accept this 
way it is in college, Our mo 
different than that." 

“Why didn't you tell me so when I 
landed in my original note 

“We thought something might. spark. 
An explosion, After a lot of years in this 
business, I've come to realize its the 
clichés that work best: A princess falls in 


want to 


icomponps. did we? 


Eve ın maneuvered to 


love with а commoner and you're in 
business. Trina's the daughter of the 
governor, she falls in love with Zino, the 
son of an It п worker who lives 
with his widowed mother and you're on 
your way." 

A princess meets а commoner— Jesu. 
"Didn't you bring me down here bec 
you wanted something a little newe 

"We brought you down here to wi 
а good college script. And 
you've done is putz ако! 

"That's nobody's fault but my own 
However——" 

"New, schmew, the New Wave you 
can have. What does Darling say? lt 
says noil There's no warmth, no 


so far, 


nd 


identifica 

Mostly I just shrugged and said: 
“Well...” Some wed out the 
window. But one afternoon Lindemann 


caught me by surprise. After the usual 
preliminaries, he asked 

“What are you trying to tell us? That 
Adam and Trina are wo Kids without 
any real purpose in their lives, so they 
live together because this might be a 
way to get something meaningful from 


their education 

Startled, I looked up: “Exacly. 
Mitch.” 

Lindemann rubbed his earlobe 


thoughtfully: “That's no good." he said. 
“that's а smarcalecky approach.” 
At Thanksgiving, Adam and Tri 
were still cohabiting and my days at Co 
lumbia seemed numbered. Lindemann, 
who wanted to keep me on the college 
story, strongly urged that 1 start all over 
again from scratch. Other Pro- 
ducers can be flighty men,” Lindemann 
confided. an oblique reference to Hechts 
philosophy of film making, wherein the 
writer is sufficiently expendable that he 


muy no longer be around by sunset. Ah, 
well. 
In despair, 1 phoned Landers: “ЕР 


ther a princess meets a commoner or 1 
sh. Hal. 


My agent softly cautioned me not to 
panic: “Have you spoken to Hecht 
himself?” 


“No. 1 haven't seen him in a long 


1 he remember my name?" 
all him. 
Calling. Hecht 
that T was experiencing difficulties with 
my script. It was more of ап evasion 
than an understatement 
“But that's what Mitch is there for, to 
work with our writers was Hecht's 
terse reply. 

Oh,” 1 said, and nothing more, Hecht 
greed to meet me the following Mon 
day morning. Monday, that’s four days 
away. suppose in those four days you 
wired together a princess and а com- 
Just suppose. My mind was 
lunctioning like that of a gliss-jawed 


1 home. E explain 


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PLAYBOY 


“I just so happens she prefers 
97-pound weaklings!” 


fighter on one knee, grasp 
middle rope. 

It's your secret that you finally sold 
out, gave up, capitulatéd —yours alone. 
Hit "em where they live. And thus, in a 
frenzy of self-preservation, during the 
"Thanksgiving weekend 1 spewed forth 
the story of Trina, daughter of the chan- 
cellor, who lives in a sorority house and 
is about to marry an upstanding WASP 
headed for Yale Law. By accident she 
meets Zino Street, scholarship student, 
low-life campus rebel. WHAMO! POW! 
Sparks fly, they bate cach other's guts at 
first sight, but deep down, where it really 
counts, look out, its love. OK. Mr 
Hecht, here's what you wanted, here's 
what you got. Paxton Quigley, where ате 
you now? Hecht listened patiently to my 
synopsis, then gave me the very fishy 
look of a man who's swe hes being put 
on. “TI have to read it to make ап opin- 
jon," he said dryly 

One week later, on. December 3, he 
called me into his office, I remember the 
particular date because after the third of 
December, 1 was no longer a salaried 
ployce of. Hecht. Productions. 

Directly over Неси» quarters they 
were installing а steam bath for Colu 
bia Studio executives, In order to facili- 


ig for the 


ni- 


tate the operation, many squares of cork 
tile had been jimmied loose from the 
However, dui 


«ей gp past weeks, tor- 
rential rains had flooded the unfinished 
steam room upstairs and now, walking 


196 into Hecht's office, I bumped against 


scattered. over 
ttlefield, to 
п black 


huge buckets that were 
the rug like helmets on a 1 
cuch water as it poured down f 
gaps in the ceiling. 

“I know a good plumber." I said. He 
Taughed expansively. Then he picked up 
my princess-commoner outline 

Tyè this over." Hecht said. 
"and Fm not happy with it at all, 
frankly.’ 

What? Come on, don't say that, 1 
wrote it especially for you. Al the great- 
est expense . . 
Why not, 

“It's a story for the Roosevelt 
Stephen. I'm way ahead of it. Гуе seen 
it a million times: ‘The rich girl and 
the poor boy; it’s not very jazzy. I'm 
id" Hecht seemed to be making 
gallant effort to smother his indigna- 
tion. J sat and listened without comment 
as Hecht then proceeded to fire me. 

My agent received the news calmly: 
“Where's the major problem?” he asked. 

"I don't know anymore, Hal. When I 
finally succumbed to writing the kind of 
tripe they seemed to want, Hecht let me 
have it. 


looked 


© minutes ago. 
you level with him, Stephen 
No, I've forgotten how to level with 
anyone, it’s been so long.” 

You should have." 
didn't.” 


Let me call Harold and get this 
settled. Now, whars the hang-up? Be 
precis 


Well Hal, I assumed Hecht and 


Lindemann were demanding the same 
thing. But 
"Never assume anything in this busi- 


ness, Stephen. ГЇ get you ап appoint- 
ment with. Harold tomorrow, Tell him 
exaaly whats on your mind, under 
stand?" 
"ve really screwed up." 
You're not the fist. Just 
ly the next morning, I was again in 
Hechts ойе, both of us conversing 
midst buckets. As 1 dosed the door. he 
unbuttoned his bluecashmere double 
breasted (^I don't have a good tailor, 1 


have а good alterer. He alters my old 
clothes, T can't afford new suits these 
ghed: 

to be the difficulty, 

moner outline, 1 

told him, was an act of desperation on 
my part. 

Hecht listened, then sat me down for 


the cure: “Most writers out here become 
secretaries for their producers,” he said. 
“A writer doesn't follow r leads 
the way. You we happy with what 
you were turning out, so you leaned on 
Mitch. Mitch works very well with some 
writers. bur any producer or 
producer will have you writing his script 
il you let him, I always try to interfere 
and altcr twenty-two years, Im finally 
learning not t0 write somebody else’s 
script for him. I've messed up too many 
in the past. 

“But my characters were despicable, 
they couldn't cohabirate, the Free Sex 
Movement was out 

"D don't see why Adam and Trina 
shouldn't live together,” Hedu mused 
“It avoids the se of that last 
outline you handed in. Sentimentality 
hurt many of the best pictures Burt 
and І made—Birdman of Alcaty for 
example.” 

At length, I muttered 
some confusion. 

Hecht nodded. 
“You're just 
has bee 

ЗИ 1 may ask, why did you bring me 
down here? 

“Why? I'm a fool 
replied, and laughed. 

Linden 
days 
corrido: 

“I understand you told Н: 
were confusing you 
"s right, Mitch. 

“Whenever a writer out here gets 
trouble, he does just what you did.” 
He does?” 

ОГ course he does. Thats the first 
cop-out for a hack. When you left Har: 
old's office, he sighed and said, "My, how 
fast they learn." And then we shook our 


heads . . ” 
Ba 


a writ 


“There's been 


It happens," he said. 
cuing your fect wet. This 
а good experience for you 


that's why," Heche 


im was laughing, 100, several 
ter, when he stopped me in the 


Ма your 


to 


MOBILE GASTRONOMY (continued from page 128) 


Lake Superior whitefish, and beyond 
Omaha to antelope steaks and sage-fed 
quail: but six or seven courses ending 
with individual baked Alaska and im- 
ported stilton was the accepted. dimen- 
sion of hospitality, Second and third 
helpings were encouraged: amd if there 
was something your heart desired that 
wasnt on the menu—say. venison cut 
lets or jack-rabbit pie—the management 
wotld be delighted 10 run it up for you. 
No extra charge: Just think well of the 
Burlington, the Soo or the Atlantic Coast 
Line, as the сазе might be. 
pleasure 

When Henry Morrison Flagler, Iae 
in the Eighties, discovered. Florida and 
commenced building the Florida East 
Coast Railway to serve the eye-popping 
resort. hotels that rose along the Atlantic 
litoral ar Jacksonville, Palatka, Palm 
Beach and, eventually, Miami, 
transit reached new heights chat 


as п was a 


trono- 


my 
would have gratified Brillat-Savarin. 
With benci than 5200.000.000 in the 


hard gold currency of the times deriving 
from Standard Oil almost literally burn- 
hole in the pocket of his striped 
cashmere tra Flagler conceived the 
notion of evolving a playground for the 
Am that would relegate 
Monte Carlo and the French Riviera to 


iser 


1 people 


the estate of fleabag carnivals. One of his 
caprices was that a guest in one of the 
Flagler hotels in Florida was as good as 
in his suite when he stepped aboard the 
sin New York or Boston. To further 
the illusion, passengers on the through 
Pullmans found themselves skirmishing 
happily with fresh giant cracked crab 
while traversing the Jersey meadows and 
acquiring а taste for broiled pompano 
with hot m they 
reached. Washington 

To meet this competition, the Se 
board Air Line, wl med 
the rich Florida pick 
о to equal or greater lengths of culinary 
hospitality vacationists bound for 
Florida took to booking passage on 
carrier that promised the most ravishi 
gala of gastronomy en rome. Dining- 
з those days moved with the 


ustard sauce before 


n on 


car crews 


December and January, 

seniority to be assigned to 

Pinehurst in carly spring, 
bor trains 


iters alike knew the customers 


nd the customers, knowing 
might be assigned the 
[з dozen n the conse 
of the social year, tipped accordingly. It 
was a happy relationship. 


ne 


nes 


The author of this vignette was, in 
the middle 1920s, accompanying his f. 
ther, a Boston banker of formidable di- 
mensions, 10 m Beach aboard the 
Orange Blossom Special on the Seaboard 
when, during the service of dinner, the 
courtly, white-haired dining-car steward 
stopped at our table and remarked 
deferentially: "Mr. Beebe, ГЇ wager you 
can't tell me what you were doing just 
forty years 

My father 
hout ma 

“You were being n 
dome Hotel in Commonwealth 
in Boston, and I w: 
aspic at the reception 

That soit of thing was good for $20 
gold, any time. 

The reason. of course, that food on the 
diners in their golden age was, as noted 
above, the best food being served 

Jnited States was that it was pro 
th little or no att n to the 
ics of its service. The ide 
ing ло so much as break even, let alone 
turn a profit on their dining cars, would 
have shocked the railroad managements 
of the time almost inexpressibly. Their 
d the carriers’ finest and 
most universally admired. showcases. on 
the theory that the railroad that. most. 
elegantly sluiced and gentled its passen- 
gers was more likely than not 10 be 


go tonight 
llowed that he 
an issue of it. 


couldn't 
w 


ied in the Ve: 


Aven 


ıe 


rving the lobster 


n the 
ided 
onom- 


nt 


of under 


pers were 


INVER, 
HOUSE 


IMPORTED RARE SCOTCH 


ELENOED SCOTCH WHISKY итү PROF IMPORTED BY U 


197 


PLAYBOY 


198 


xpeditious and reliable in the conduct 
of the freight transport from which its 
revenues derived. A captain of industry 
who favorably recalled the fillet of red 
snapper em papillote encountered en 
route to New Orleans on the Louisville 
х Nashville and the obsequious solicitude 
of the waiter at breakfast the next mor 

g could order his freight shipped via 
the L. & N. The railroad that provided 
the finest dollar dinner could expect the 
approval and favor of the frock-coated 
coal barons and ironmasters along its 
ight of way. 

IL was a scheme of things in which 
cost accounting had no part and would 
have evoked shouts of mirth if it had 
been suggested. The fixed rule, un 
the mid-Twenties on the dining cars of 
the New York Central, was that по stew- 
ard was expected to unn in more than 
four bits earned on every dollar he cost 
the company, and this ratio 
liberally interpreted aboard such crack 
flyers as The Twentieth Century Limited 
and the Southwestern Limited. In the 
halcyon before the 1914 War, 
standard practice aboard The Century 
alloted one pound of creamery butter 
per passenger for the iwo meals served 
en route icago 


was morc 


times 


between. CI and New 


York, an allowance that would suggest 
that butter was used not only table 
nd in cooking but in the journal boxes 
as well. Not only did The Century's but- 
ter come in ample quantities, but it 
ried with it a cz 

since it was provided fr. 
Lake Champlain 
li ward Webb 
law who sold his surplus cream and 
vegetables t0 the family enterprise. It 
was almost like eating at table with a 
nderbilt. 

Extensive menus and libe 
were by no m imited to the 
standard gauge m: nc trains in 
the golden age of which we sing. General 
rrow-gauge 
crn, а pioneer 


Wi 
Vanderbilt son- 


al larders 


ige through the Rockies be- 
twee iver and Salt Lake, allorded a 
breakfast menu listing 50 separate items, 
including: suawberrics and cream, 20 
cents: Sowhdown muton chops, 40 
cenis; extra sirloin steak for two, 51: eggs 


dl omelets in all styles, 20 cents; broiled 
mushrooms on toast, 40 cents; and fresh 
40 cents. The 
red the service of fresh 
er was 


calves liver and bacon. 
Rio Grande pion 
Rocky Mountain trout, which 


to become standard on all railroads sery- 


ing Colorado. The resources and variety 
of food that could be stored aboard the 
diminutive diners as they rolled through 
the Blick Canyon of the Gunnison and 
over the Wasatch was appare 
less, and dinner entrees 
separate meat dishes, 
chucker partridge, venison stew, antelope 
n quail, prairie chicken, 
bhiewinged teal, buffalo chops and all 
the conventional steaks, chops, barnyard 
poultry and other domestic maners. 
Perhaps, 10 the « ry aware 
the most nenity of 
mountain travel in the Nineties was the 
dub car Animas Forks of the Silverton 
Northern Railway, which kept Mui 
Extr | White Seal champagne 
iced 52.50 a bottle. and 
y at S125 the full bot 
The Silverton Northern was 18 miles 
tained a sleeper. Or let 


ness, 


tle. 
long. It also mx 
us briefly give our attention to the sump- 
tuously printed wine list for the year 
1893 aboard the equally sumptuously 


appointed. New England Limited, run- 
ning on а crack schedule between Bos 
ton and New York over the joining rails 
of the New Haven and the New York & 
New England Railroads. The Limited, 
locally known as “The White Train” be 
cause its cars were painted in cream and 
gold and even the coal in its tender 
was sprayed with whitewash before each 
run, catered to the carriage trade of Bea- 


con Street and the moguls of State 
Street. and its groceries and wines were 
recruited from the ancestral firm of 5, S. 


Pierce, which had provided the beuer 
things for Boston's dinner tables since 
the days of the China trade, There were 
four champagnes listed: С. Н. Mumm, 
Pommery & Greno, Perricr-Jouét and 
Moët & Chandon. Each sold for $3.50 
the full boule. The white wines included 


Brandenb Frères Latour Blanche 
1874 and the Bordeaux was headed by 
Chateau, Laroze 1878, al nd 


there followed a foot 
mineral waters and liqueurs, 
Lawrence's Medford Rum, the holy sac 
rament of New England and the proof 
spirits on which the triangle trade from 
time immemorial had been founded. For 
true connoisseurs, there was an 1842 co- 
gnac that retailed lor two bits the 
pony glass, which would suggest that 
gelling stiff en route was a positive econ- 
omy. The dollar dinner included broiled 
live Maine lobster and beef Wellington. 
In keeping with its name, The White 
Train varied the universal practice else- 
where of having colored dining-car 
crews and canied an allwhite stall. not 
for reasons of prejudice but to establish 
nd match the over-all decor 
» the most radiantly effulgent 
ever placed in service was 
actually called the De-Luxe, and rolled 
once a week between Chicago and Los 
Angeles during the winter tourist seasons 
from 1911 until 1917, when its glories 


name 


Ask for Oly... the beer from Tumwater. 


When you're out for the evening, and you want a really good beer, ask for Oly... the beer from 


Tumwater. It’s the same good-tasting beer you've enjoyed for years in your own back yard. 
Brewed only with the natural artesian water of Tumwater, Weshington. And that famous water 
does make a difference. So why order less than Olympia...it's no more a stay-at-home than you 
are. Just ask for Oly. Any self-respecting tavern will know you mean the beer from Tumwater. 


“Tts the Water” 


Visitors are always welcome at the Olympia Brewing Company. Tumwater, Washington, 8:00 to 4:30 every day. *Oly *& 


PLAYBOY 


were abated by wartime restrictions. All- 
Pullman, allbedroom, with brass beds 
instead of berths, its sailing list strictly 
limited to 60 paying guests, the De 
Luxe also commanded a surcharge of $25 
in honest-to-goodness money, perhaps 
п of four or five times as 
ed Harvey dining cars 
inst primeval resources 
conditioning, and i 
was comparable with that of New York's 
lordly Ritz Carlton, which opened the 
same year, although passengers refrained 
from dressing formally for the evening, 
as was the custom of the time on the 
Blue Train between Paris and Monte 
Carlo. 

By 1911 the dollar dinner, which for 
зо long had been the standard of quality 
from the Baltimore & Ohio's Royal Blue 
as to the Southern Pacifics Sunset 
Limited, was only a fragrant memory. It 
had been done to death when, at the 
time of is n 1902, The 
ited had priced 


the most triumphant s 
ume. Meals on the De- 
а la cane and included such it 
fresh beluga caviar sur socle, $1.25; baked 
shad and roe aux fines herbes, 60 cents; 
larded tenderloin of beef, Montebello, 
90 cents; roast capon, chestnut dressing, 
75 cents; quails in aspic, $l; imported 
roquefort and stilton cheese, 25 cents. 
Although railroad history abounds 
with ivocal competition 


patrona 
allel runs, none has ever been so evenly 
marched as that between two candy 
trains of the two most powerful railroad 
systems in the East, the Pennsylvania's 
Broadway Limited and the New York 
Central's Twentieth Century. Limited, 
perhaps the most famous train Ameri 
has ever known. Running between. New 
York and Chicago. service on these two 
matchless varnish runs was inaugurated 


the same day at the same hour in 
and for well over six decades 
the least detail of improvement in opera- 


tion, equipment or schedule in one was 
met instantly ingly by the 
opposition century ан 30 
m ng time, the new 
schedule ame d 


competition. If 


utes fro 


met the 
the 


ng 
The Cen- 


papers to г 
tury slipped a third, The Wall Strect 
Journal, in ahead of the bacon and eggs. 
The day in 1939 when The Century 
discarded its last open sleeping section 
in favor of allroom equipment, The 
Broadway did the same, Down the years 
the two gra aced neck and neck, 
sometimes q erally on the speed- 
way where their rights of way run pa 

lel around the southern tip of 1 


200 Michigan. 


1 the conduct of these 

rivalry been 
g cars. When, 
tury raised 
the price of its dollar dinner and started 
g the dairy products of the Vander- 


But nowhere 


inlaw, the Pennsylvania began 
1g hot tables of fresh bread and 

exotic rolls up to its patrons, a dramatic 

innovation 60odd years ago. The С 


tury, many years ago, inaugurated two 
table specialties that have been the hall- 
s gastronomy ever since 

icularly succulent variety of water- 
melon pickle and a special entree of 
lobster newburg. You may be sure that if, 
when traveling to Chicago on The Road 
of the Future, your dinner companion 
commands the lauer of these, he is a 
traveler of experience and long standing. 
In the golden noontide of railroad 
travel, there were dining-car stewards of 
more than parochial celebrity, whose 
fame as ambassadors for their carriers 
was quite literally world-wide, Memory 
at once evokes the image of courtly and 
venerable Dan Healy, а maitre d'hôtel 
aboard the Milwaukee Railroad's 
Pioneer Limited, who numbered pre: 
dents and cabinet members among his 
firstname friends and who, after his 
death, enjoyed immortality in the form 
of a splendid dining car that bore his 
пате. There was also the legendary Wild 
Bill Kurthy of the Southern Pacific, who 
at various times rode with The Overland 
imited and the wellremembered Forty 
and who rose to а pinnacle of 
celebrity when he ran the diner on one 
of the City of San Francisco 
ng the 1911 War. Kurthy was а man 
of violent aspect and almost continual 
incandescence. He fired every member 
of his dining-car crew personally, public 
ly and with а Ciceronian peroration at 
least once on every тип, а bravura per 
conducted at the 
er hour. His crews 


lied the passengers and the management 
ployed him. During the years 
when there was supposed to be a short 
age of such restricted 5 steaks, 
chops, butter, cream and imported co- 
all these items were 
tities 
He 
was popularly reported so to cow the 
commissary at the train's loading termi 
nals that the entire allowance of meat for 
the railroad system went aboard his 
diner. 

Be that as it may, the City’s diners 
ran knee-deep in red points, Timid elder- 
ly ladies who wanted tea and toast found 
themselves confronted with 18 ounces 
of porterhouse floating in melted butter 
and commanded to car it and like it. 
A request for a single three-minute 
egg would be met with a double broiled 


tha ¢ 


for cooking, 


Minden mutton chop flanked by a baked 
ash with sour cream and 
chives. Ordinary lamb chops arrived fes- 
tooned with necklaces of Deerfoot sau 
sages, and flaming desserts (mark you, 
time) came to the tables 
of Kurthy's favored passengers in the 
guise of the burning of Rome, with the 
best Hennessy and shouted encourage: 
ment from Kurthy not to waste а 
smidge 

At bedtime, Kurthy's passengers, fed 
to repletion and numb with good living. 
could expect the arrival of a grinning 
waiter with a tray foot high in rare-roast- 
beef sandwiches and glasses of hall-and- 
half cream as a Ime snack 
them. The wild man will fire me su 
you don't" was the accompanying m 
sage. Inevitably, news of such plenty 
circulated fast and personages of impor- 
tance were at pains to ride the train to 
which Kurthys diner was assigned, To 
the personal knowledge of this writer, 


Eugene Meyer, the Washington publish- 
er, Senator David h of 
Massachusetts and Smith, ex- 


publisher of the San Francisco Ghronicle, 
all at various times spurned other accom- 
modations to ride this favored run. At the 
Wars end, Kurthy is reported to have 
retired and set himself up as а resturaut 
proprietor outside San Francisco, Oper- 
ating on the same economic basis as he 
had conducted his diners, he was shortly 
bankrupted 

Today, sive for the 
vors named above, din 


of survi 
g on the cars 
has lost its onetime splendor, its ample 
portions and the names of wonder who 
were its patrons, An American aphorism 
to the effect that “real railroading, begins 
o" meant, in practical fact, 


west of Chi 
that the best dining-c 
able on the longhaul Western trains. It 
а this is still true. As support, 
let there be placed in evidence the fresh 
Colorado Rocky Mountain trout that, 
served as the Rio Grandes Prospector 
rolls down the escarpment of the Shin 
ing Mountain into the Denver yards, is 
a wonder and glory of the region. 
he charcoabbroiled whitefish оп the 
Santa Fe's Super Chief the first night 
out of Dearborn Station is all that it ever 
could have been in the days of the fa 
bled De-Luxe. And if business takes you 
to St. Louis, spurn the Wright brothers 
folly and ride the Norfolk & Western's 
Banner Blue through the golden heart 
land of daylight Ilinois. A recent merger 
tected the chicken-pot pie 
‚из good ha couple 
Ld ме the 
illusion. that happy times 
long the high iron of the land 
truth, they have. 


food was avai 


be th 


the 


hasn't 


nough, wi 


lled mar 10 а 


е come 


CAL 


THIS MAN WE ARE 
KIDNAPING KNOWS HOW 
TO MAKE AN ISOTOPE 50 
CHEAP AND POWERFUL IT CAN 
DESTROY THE UNITED STATES IN 

26 SECONDS. WE MUST 
GET HIM OUT OF HERE 
BEFORE THE POLICE 


ELL GIVE YOU 3-TO1 ODDS YOU DON'T KNOW 
WHERE OUR HEROINE IS IN THIS EPISODE — 
"BUDIA SUT NI TILOH GUZHYIONO FHL ДЫ 


WE'LL GIVE VOU 4-TO-1 ODDS YOU DON'T KNOW 
WHAT EVENT SHE WITNESSES WHILE SUN BATHING, 
ON THE ROOF OF HER HOTEL = 


FƏNIJYNGIH V 


WE'LL GIVE YOU 5-TO-1 ODDS YOU DON'T KNOW 
WHY SHE'S SUN BATHING ON A CLOUDY DAY — 


“ANNAS 38 ОТПОР LI LEHL SACO 


LOL-9 AED LONI ATHLUIM SUDSA SUT FHL 


IMAGINE! 


SPOT us! 


YOU NAY BE RIGHT, 
BUT WHY TAKE CHANCES. 
1 ONLY HOPE THERE'S 
NOBODY UP HERE ON 

THE ROOF TO SEE US. 


stop 
WORRYING 
ABOUT THE POLICE. 
IF PM NOT MISTAKEN, 
KIDNAPING IS 
LEGAL IN NÉVAOA. 
EVERYTHING 15 
LEGAL IN 
NEVADA! 


WHO WOULO 
ВЕ UP Оп THE ROOF 
ON А CLOUDY OAY 2 
WHO IN THEIR RIGHT 
MIND WOULD BE 
CLOUO BATHING? 


201 


PLAYBOY 


202 


PHYSICIST. 


A DISGRACE TO WILL MAKE 
THE WOMEN OF | TEEMING WITH | OUR LITTLE 
AMERICA, DID COMMIE- CATCH 
YOU THINK чоц 

COULD GET 

AWAY WITH 

SUBVERTING 

AMERICAN 


IN THAT RED 
BIKINI? 


MEN. WE'VE GOT TO FIND DR. NEUTRINO BEFORE HE'S 
WHISKED OUT OF THE COUNTRY. BUT WHILE WE'RE LOOKING, 
REMEMBER ~- WE MUST MAINTAIN THE IMMACULATE IMAGE THE FBI 
HAS MAINTAINED THROUGH THE YEARS ~ CLEAN MEN WITH CLEAN 
MINDS IN CLEAN BODIES ++ AND STAY AWAY FROM THE GAMING 
TABLES. THEY RE DESTROYING THE MORAL FIBER OF THE (NATION. 
IF YOU MUST FIND AMUSEMENT, DO WHAT | OD. GO TO 
THE RACE TRACKS. THEY'RE CLEAN. 


1 WAS ON THE SUN 
DECK, YOUR HONOR, WHEN 
| SAW TWO MEN CARRYING 
A BODY ACROSS THE ROOF. 
"I'D KNOW THE KIDNAPERS: 
IF LEVER SAW THEM AGAIN 
THEY'VE BEEN AROUND 
THE HOTEL FOR TWO 

OR THREE DAYS. 


CHIEF! 
CHIEF? 1 

THINK WE 
MAY HAVE A 
BREAK IN 
THE CASE 
HERE. 


ALL RIGHT =- WE'LL TAKE THE 
COMMIE'S WORD FOR IT. | WANT 
THE AREA CHECKED THOROUGHLY. 
BUT BEFORE YOU MEN TAKE OFF, 
1 WANT TO INSPECT FINGERNAILS, 
EARS AND HANDKERCHIEFS. AND 

DON'T TRY TO PULL YOUR POCKETS 

OUT AND PASS THEM OFF 

AS HANKIES — 


AGENT SQUARECHIN, YOU CHECK THE HOTEL. он, 

AND GROUNDS WITH THE COMMIE EYEWITNESS. | AGENT 
YOU OTHER MEN WILL CHECK THE ROAOS ANO | SQUAKECHIN, 
OTHER HOTELS. ~- AGENT TRUEBLUE, HAVE | IT'LL BE SO 
ROOM SERVICE SEND LIP A SMALL FLAG TO MUCH FUN 
MY КООМ. IF ANYONE WANTS ME, PLL BE HELPING YOU 

UPSTAIRS PLEDGING ALLEGIANCE. GOOO ON THIS 

LUCK AND REMEMBER CLEANLINESS 
15 NEXT TO GOOLINESS ! 


PLEASE, МААМ => 
SINCE WERE GOING 
To BE WORKING 
TOGETHER WITH A 
CERTAIN DEGREE OF 
INTIMACY, OON'T CALL 
ME AGENT SQUARE- 
CHIN. JUST CALL 

ME “SIR” 4 


INE 
DRINKING JOKE 
ABOUT ME. 


WHAT KIND OF 
AN ELEVATOR 15 
THAT WHERE YOU 
HAVE TO INSERT 

A QUARTER? 


NEVER GONE ON 
VACATION ! 1 SHOULD 
HAVE NEVER LEFT 
МУ BABIES! 


SPOT ANYTHING 
VET, MNAM? 


WAIT! HE'5 COMING 
OUT AGAIN! WE HAVE 
APASSKEY! WHY 
OON'T WE LOOK INSIDE. 
FOR THE KIDNAPED 
SCIENTIST ? 


WHAT DO WE 
Wy 207 WE оо WHAT 
{ COOL NERVE AND 
UNFLINCHING COURAGE 
| TELL US 


NO, BOMBS! MY LITTLE BOMBS. | LEFT NO TIME TO 
THEM HOME AT LOS ALAMOS WITH ABOMB | UNTIE THE 
SITTER. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE A DOCTOR! LETS 

PICTURE OF MY BABIES 2 | HAVE UNLOCK THE 
SOME IN МУ WALLET. DOOR TO THE 


ADJOINING 
LEAPIN’ LIZARDS! SUITE ~~ 
THE KIDNAPERS ARE 
COMING BACK f 


203 


How? HE сошо ALL RIGHT, RAUL: WHAT ABOUT You, CHE ! LOOK ON THE FLOOR ^ 
NOT UNTIE I'VE BEEN SUSPICIOUS | | LAST WEEK WHEN YOU THOUGHT Y — A MEMBERSHIP CARO 
HIMSELF IN THE | OF YOU AND YOUR NOBODY WAS WATCHING, 1 FROM THE ЕРКЕМ ZIMGALIST, 
SHORT SPACE | CLEAN-CUT JAW. SAW А NOBLE GLINT IN YOUR | JR. FAN CLUB! (SNIFF) 
THAT PVE BEEN | ONLY AN FBI MAN EYE. ONLY AN FBI MAN'S | ANO THERE'S A STRANGE. 

GONE! THIS | СОШО HAVE SUCH A EVE COULD GLINT SO NOBLY / / CLEAN SMELL COMING FROM 
LOOKS EE AN CLEAN-CUT JAW! AUT ME, 1 SEE dero ШЕЙ: ~ LIKE 
INSIDE JOB! < r IN N'T кс AREN 
YOU KNOW тнат BLINK! is abs 
LHAVE A NORMALLY 
WEAK CHIN EUT 
MY GUMS ARE 
INFLAMED. 


PLAYBOY 


1 HAVE V WE'LL HIDE BEHIND THE SHOWER CURTAIN WHILE vou TELL 
DOESIT! AN IEA! THEM YOU'RE ABOUT TO ТАКЕ YOUR BATH. MEANWHILE, I'LL 
THERE MUST ane THE Piece HE CAN Kum THE WATER AND MAKE STEAM» LOTS OF STEAM! 
SATHROOM, | OVERKILL THE P 
BE AN EBI QuiCk! / POPULATION OF 
MAN IN MOSCOW EIGHT 


YOUR MISCHIEF - 
MAKERS! 


AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING LIKE A FULSOME 
LIBERTINE , MISS, 1 MUST ASK YOU TO PERHAPS REVEAL 
A BIT OF NUDE SHOULDER THROUGH THE DOOK-* LEAVE THIS MINUTE, I'LL SCREAM! 
ОЁ PERHAPS A BARED KNEE ~ CAN'T YOU SEE l' TRYING TO 
Ө TAKE A SHOWER?! 


you 
JUST BE 
STILL ASA 
MOUSE IN 
THERE. 1 
KNOW WHAT 


204 


А THOUSAND PARDONS, ү YOU REALLY MUST 
SEÑORITA? WE DEPART | EXCUSE МЄ v КОШЕ 
1 | STEP INTO 
INSTANTLY / TEM 


HOLY MOLEY ! YOU MEN STOP IN THE 1 WARN YOU = TM A BLACK BELT KARATE CHAMPION, 
CRIMINENTALIES ! | / NAME OF THE LAW OR IF DON BUY TEA E CE АКУ ОД оц 
ZIPPEDY 000 YOU'RE NOT STOPPING, THEN | | OF OEROLY NO GO00 £ LETS теу TUIS ONE WEE 
i MAY KNOW MONT AN: + LTH" 
ран! TAKE ме 5096 MTM 902 о MAN ABOUT TOWN, IN REALITY | AM -- 


LOOK, SOMEBODY! | HEREBY PRESENT THIS COVETEO MEDAL TO OUR LATE. GREAT COLLEAGUE, 
THERE GO THE KID- — | AGENT OTIS SQUARECHIN, WHO REALIZED THAT THERE 15 SOMETHING MORE 
NAPERS WITH DOCTOR IMPORTANT THAN THE PHYSICAL LIFE OF A NATION" {T'S MORAL CLEANLINESS! 


AGENT SQUARECHIN SACRIFICED HIMSELF IN THE NOBLE KNOWLEOGE THAT 
М NEUTRINO AND HIS SECRET | NO MAN CAN BE CLEAN INSIDE HIMSELF WHILE HIS OUTSIDE SELF IS SHARING 
PLANS FOR A BOMB 


A SHOWER WITH SOMETHING AS OBSCENE AND DIRTY ASA NAKED WOMAN! 
THAT CAN DESTROY 


THE U.S. IN 26 WHY ISN'T THE CHIEF FACING ) WITH47 BULLET HOLES IN HIM? THAT'S NOT A 
SECONDS! AGENT SQUARECHIN Ê VERY GOOD IMAGE SQUARECHIN'S PROJECTING! 


205 


PLAYBOY 


206 


PLAYBOY 
READER SERVICE 


Write to Janet Pilgrim for the an- 
swers to your shopping questions. 
She will provide you with the name 
of a retail store in or near your city 
where you can buy any of the spe- 
cialized items advertised or edito- 
rially featured in PLAYBOY. For 
example, where-to-buy information is 
available for the merchandise of the 
advertisers in this issue listed below. 


mus Rubber 


sc lines for information about other featured 
menhandise- 


Miss Pilgrim will be happy to answer 
any of your other questions on fash- 
ion, travel, food and drink, hi-fi, etc. 
If your question involves items you 
saw in PLAYBOY, please specify page 
number and issue of the magazine as 
well as a brief description of the items 
when you write. 


PLAYBOY READER SERVICE 


Playboy Ruilding, 919 N. Michigan Ave. 
Chicago, Illinois 60611 


PLAYBOY 


PLAYBOY 


O 3 yrs. for 520 (Save 510.00) 
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payment enclosed — [7] bill later 


TO: 


3 
address 


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мио 


МЕХТ МОМТН: 


Ce зь 
ORIENTAL EYEFULS 


PEACOCK DREAMS STATUS MAGAZINES, 


NUDIE MOVIES 


A PLAYBOY PANEL ON RELIGION AND THE NEW MORALITY— 
WITH BISHOP JAMES A. PIKE, DR. HARVEY COX, RABBI 
RICHARD RUBENSTEIN, THE REVEREND HOWARD MOODY, 
DR. MARTIN MARTY AND OTHER CLERICAL SPOKESMEN 


“PEACOCK DREAMS"—THE WORLD'S MOST SWITCHED-ON HAB- 
ERDASHERY IS THE SCENE, AND A SQUARE WHO WANDERS IN BY 
MISTAKE IS THE CLOWN IN THIS COMEDY—BY HERBERT GOLD 


“007S ORIENTAL EYEFULS"—A LUSH PICTORIAL ON THE 
ASIAN ATTRACTIONS OF JAMES BOND'S LATEST FILM, YOU ONLY 
LIVE TWICE—WITH TEXT BY THE SCRIPTWRITER, ROALD DAHL 


“THE CLIMATE OF VIOLENCE"—ASSASSINATIONS, MASS 
MURDERS AND RACE RIOTS POINT TOʻA UNIQUE SICKNESS 
ABROAD IN OUR LAND—BY MAX LERNER 


“HORSE ЅЕМЅЕ'' А LONGTIME BANGTAIL BETTOR OFFERS CO- 
GENT WORDS OF COUNSEL ON THE HOWS AND WHYS OF PLAYING 
THE PONIES—BY ERNEST HAVEMANN 


“THE WRECK OF THE SHIP JOHN B."'—IN A SCI-FI TOUR DE 
FORCE, A SPACECRAFT'S CAPTAIN IS CONFRONTED BY A RISK- 
ALL, SPLIT-SECOND DECISION—BY FRANK ROBINSON 


“THE HISTORY OF SEX IN CINEMA"'—PART ХМ: THE NUDIES, 
FROM BURLECUE PEEP SHOWS AND NUDIST DOCUMENTARIES 
TO THE EPIDERMAL EPICS OF MANSFIELD AND VAN DOREN— 
BY ARTHUR KNIGHT AND HOLLIS ALPERT 


“BUSINESS IS BUSINESS"—THE FIELDS OF ENDEAVOR MAY 
VARY, BUT THE GROUND RULES FOR FISCAL SUCCESS REMAIN 
ESSENTIALLY THE SAME—BY J. PAUL GETTY 


“PIN MONEY"—A MEPHISTOPHELEAN TALE OF A CERTAIN 
MYSTERIOUS DOCTOR DEE, WHO WILL SOLVE ALL YOUR PROB- 
LEMS, FOR A DECEPTIVELY LOW PRICE—BY JAMES CROSS 


“А SNOB'S GUIDE TO STATUS MAGAZINES”—HOW TO SUIT 
YOUR PSYCHE AND LIFE STYLE TO YOUR FAVORITE PUBLICA- 
TION—BY DAN GREENBURG AND JAMES RANSOM 

“PLAYBOY'S GIFTS FOR DADS AND GRADS"—A HOARD OF 
RICH REWARDS FOR PATRESFAMILIAS AND BACCALAUREATES 


MICHELOB IS AGED 
AT THE BREWERY 


...not on a boat. 


Those expensive imported beers don't "age" 
on the costly boat ride over. They just get a 
little older. Michelob is aged right here in 
America. So, you don't pay for a boat ride. 
You pay for a great beer. Period. 


ШШШ. © 


BEER ` 


CUNT — mc «stib. 


Whatever you add to your vodka drinks... 
start with the patent on smoothness.