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b. di 


eo Bu NMENT FOR MEN 


e J987 -75 CENTS 


tes Sa caus а 
| PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR 
of 


break out the 


frosty bottle, boi 
д keep your 


collins ory! | N 


Until now, to geta high-performance 
sports car for $2600 you had to 
buy it used. Not any more. 


Sunbeam Alpine V and Chrysler Motors Corporation 
have changed all that. Now you'll get what you want, 


at your price— pl 


Before Chrysler's new Sun- 
beam Alpine V, a sports car 
buff didn't have much 
choice. 

Either he got his high fly- 
ing sports car new, and paid 
а lot more than $2600... 

Or he settled for a mini- 
motor job for less .. . 

Or he went out and got a 
used one. 

But now you can have your 
high-performance sports car 
—new—and groceries, too. 

Alpine today—at $2567t 
—has а 100 hp, 1725 сс 
engine that meets 
your performance ob- 
jectives. 


You're 
master of 
Oto 60 in 
12.8 seconds. 
A full-synchro- 
mesh 4-speed gearbox 
plus a very quick clutch. And 
a short-throw stick that lets 
you pop shifts crisply. 

Alpine's built not only to 
go but to endure. A 


On the road, your Alpine 
handles with flat, quick and 
x. reassuring authority. Steer- 
ing's 3.3 turns lock-to-lock, 
the track is exceptionally 
wide, the suspension extra 
smooth. It's extraordinary. 
Everything works for you, 
МЫ, l: not against you. 

O.K. So Alpine quali- 
fies as a bona, 
fide sports 
car—but 
how does 
it measure 
up competitively for class? 
Admirably. That base 


new five-bear- 
ing crankshaft 
subdues "whip" 
at high rpm. A new oil cool- 
er steps up lube efficiency. 
Exhaust ports are staggered 
to discourage “hot spots." 
Result: Alpine's engine 
and drive train can be, and 
are, warranted by Chrysler 
Motors Corporation for 5 
years or 50,000 miles. 
And no other sports 
import comes close. 


price happily includes just 
about everything you'd wish 
to acd to some other car. 

A heater, for instance. 
(Only ours has a two-speed 
blower.) A telescoping steer- 
ing wheel to give you that 
just-right feel of control. 
. Self-adjusting disc 

front brakes, too. Plus 
9" drums behind—and 
power assistance! 

Our contoured, pleated 
bucket seats not only 


ROOTES D] 


SUNBEAM sesse 


us a 5-year/50,000-mile power train warranty.* 


adjust 4 ways — the backs 
recline. A between-seats 
console is standard. Sos a 
map light, windshield wash- 
ers and 2-speed wipers. And 
a top that's easy to work. 
a> Anda big, big trunk. 

Z=... Factis, Alpine V 

, ) has things you 


$3000 cars we 
^ could list. Which 

makes it a lot of car for 
$2600— the only high-per- 
formance sports car near 
its price. 

See your Sunbeam dealer 
and check it out. While there, 
pet his ultra-performance 
Tiger— world's fastest sports 
car under $3700. 


HERE'S HOW THE SUNBEAM ALPINE 
S.YEAR DR 50000-MILE ENGINE AND 
DRIVE TRAIN WARRANTY PROTECTS, 
you: 


shaft, universal joints, rear ele end diller- 
ential, and rear wheel bearings. HERE'S ALL 


ion, etc. 
East Coast 
destination 
charges and options exta. West Сове! slightly 
higher. FOR MONEY-SAVING EURDPEAN 
DELIVERY, WRITE SUNBEAM DVERSEAS 
DELIVERY. 72) FIFTH AVE., NEW YORK, 
N. Y. 10918, 


PLAYBOY 


Should a gentleman offer a Tiparillo to a lab technician? 


Behind that pocket of pencils beats 


the heart of a digital computer, 
This girl has already cross-indexed 
Tiparillo” as a cigar with a slim, 
elegant shape and neat, white tip. 


Sheknows that there are two kinds. 
Regular Tiparillo, for a mild smoke. 


Or new Tiparillo M with menthol, 
for a cold smoke. 
She knows. She's programmed. 


And she's ready. 

But how about you? Which 
Tiparillo are vou going to offer? Or 
are you just going to stand there 
and stare at her pencils? 


BRACKMAN ARMOUR 


PLAYBILL 2 "ses who wears dre Playmate of the 
Year diadem on our cover and who crowns 


the issue itself with si 


color pages inside, is the third Playmate 


selected by our readers as the year’s best after an editors’ dead- 
lock. In winning her title, Lisa overcame the formidable com- 
petition of Tish Howard and Susan Denberg (sc April's 


Playmate Play-off) as well a 
of 1966, all of whom g; 


the nine other comely centerfolders 
nered a number of write-in votes. 
(There was also а scattering of sentimental ballots for pioneer 
Playmate Janet Pilgrim—and a single, surprising Yea! for 
string-bean Mod mannequin Twiggy, which we finally decided 
must have been misrouted from Vogue or Boys’ Life.) 

Gerald Green's The Dispatcher, our lead short story this 
August, brings into fictive focus the problems posed by invisi- 
ble government; as with much of the best satirical writing, it 
has the appearance of unserious fantasy but carries а mes- 
sage made unsettlingly serious by real events, Green—whose 
best-known novel is The Last Angry Man—recently returned 
to the U. S. alter spending four of the past eight years in Europe 
and currently combines work on a new novel with a peripatetic 
career as a writer-producer of NBC-TV documentaries. 

Even more of an expatriate than Green is William Wiser, 
author of The Man Who Wrote Letters to Presidents, which 
humorously recounts a bizarre barroom conversation. “The 
story is one of a series of Miami Beach tales based on my expe 
ences there as a bellboy, night clerk and beachboy,” Wiser 

otes, "But Florida is distant. I fully intend now to remain here 
in southern France, where 1 can explore the Riviera, the locale 
of my two previous PLAYEo stories [Im Just a Traveling Man 
and The Moor's Tale], play pétanque, the local form of bowling 
on the green, and continue my simultaneous construction of wo 
short-story collections.” The conclusion of Evan Hunters wacky 
new dif-hanger, 4 Horse's Head, and G. L. Tassone’s Room 
312, which revolves around a sleightof-man wick in a fantastic 
hotel, imaginatively complete the month's quartet of fiction. 
Fans of the Hunter novel are advised that Delacorte will be 
bringing out a longer, book version in October. 

Two completely different pieces of writing—Anson’s Last 
Assignment and Playboy Plays the Commodities Market—the 
first a remembrance of things lost in Vietnam, the second a 

ide to the action in the world of soybean, cocoa and 


PURDY 


HUNTER GREEN 


money speculation, came to us from Tom Mayer and Michael 
Laurence, who were undergraduate buddies at Harvard five 
years ago. The 24-year-old Mayer—first winner of the editors? 
award for the best contribution from a new PLavsoy author 
(for his fast-paced May 1966 crew story, The Eastern Sprints) 

was in Vietnam last fall and winter. “Ostensibly I was а 
free-lance reporter,” Mayer writes from his present base in 
Mexico, "but | didn't de much reporting, The war is very 
complicated, and I knew nothing about war or the Orient. So I 
went out on a few missions and talked to people and tried to 
learn. When a soldier I knew was killed three days after he 
should have been out of the country, I wrote this memoir." In 
the course of a protean early career, Laurence has been a 
Memphis newspaper reporter, managing editor of the short- 
lived liberal Republican magazine Advance and—for four 
years—a PLavnoy staffer. After two years as an Asistant 
Editor, he took a globe-girdling leave of absence that resulted 
in The Girls of Tahiti in December 1966 and in The Girls of 
Paris last month. Now he's back behind a rLaynoy typewriter 
as an Associate Editor. 

Feisty F. Lee Bailey, who has compiled a remarkable won- 
lost record in his few short years as a flamboyant defense 
counsel in the most challenging and celebrated criminal cases 
of the past decade, defends his cool combativeness and calls 
for the reform of his branch of the bar in this month's Playboy 
Intervicw, Jazz and social critic Nat Hentoff cross-examined 
Bailey with the same thorough research and dispassionate 
professionalism that characterized his Playboy Interviews with 
publisher Ralph Ginzburg, socialist Norman Thomas and folk 
hero Bob Dylan, as well as his n cles for us. Also her 
Ken W. Purdy, eravmov Contributing Editor, leads readers 
nd tour of the gran turismo, in The GT; Richard 
Armour—whose 31th book, My Life with Women, will be pub- 
ished by McGraw-Hill this fall—takes a tongue-in-cheek look 
at the tortuous history of technology in Science Marches On; 
and New Yorker Jacob Brackman acutely assesses the import 
and impieues of The Underground Press. There's still more 
—induding four color pages of Sherry Jackson, who has grown 
up and out since her kid-star days on TV's Make Room for 
Daddy. So make room for entertainment Follow the tips for 
warm-weather beveraging in Thomas Mario's Ice & Easy, sit 
back. and sip a refreshing August cooler while you read one. 


‘LAURENCE 


CheFany- 


at Gamers 


PLAYBOY. 


Turismo 


Mastery P. 94 


GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY BUILDING, 919 N 


POSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY ALL MANUSCRIPTS, 
DRAWINGS AND PHOTOGRAPHS SUBMITTED wr THEY 
DE ASSUMED FOR UNSOLICITED MATERIALS сон. 
REPRINTED їн WHOLE OR IN PART WITNCUT WRITTEN 


PEOPLE AND PLACES 15 PURELY COINCIDENTAL 


INC., IN NATIONAL AND REGIONAL EDITIONS: 
PUATOOY винит, вла m. HICHIGAN AVE., CHI 
CAGO, ILL. 60611. SECOND CLASS POSTAGE PAIO AT 
£NICAGO, ILL., AND AT ADDITIONAL MAILING OFFICES, 


vol. 14, no. 8—august, 1967 


CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


PLAYBILL — m. 3 
DEAR PLAYBOY. == 9 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS. 15 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 29 


PLAYBOY'S INTERNATIONAL DATEBOOK —travel 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


PATRICK CHASE 33 
— 35 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: F. LEE BAILEY —condid conversation а 
THE DISPATCHER —fiction 


GERALD GREEN 60 


THE GT—modern living... KEN W. PURDY 65 
SCIENCE MARCHES ON—humor RICHARD ARMOUR 71 
MAKE ROOM FOR SHERRY— pictorial . 72 


THE MAN WHO WROTE LETTERS TO PRESIDENTS fiction. 
STRIPED FOR ACTION —ctlire. 
THE UNDERGROUND PRESS —articlo - 


WILLIAM WISER 77 
ROBERT L. GREEN 81 
JACOB BRACKMAN 83 
DEDE GIRL—playboy's playmate of the month. 84 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor...... T 92 
ROBERT L. GREEN 94 
— TOM MAYER 97 
EVAN HUNTER 98 


MIX MASTERY —attire 

ANSON'S LAST ASSIGNMENT—memoir 
А HORSE'S HEAD—fiction 

ICE & EASY —drink. -THOMAS MARIO 102 


ROOM 312—Hction. G. L. TASSONE 105 


PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR—piciorial 108 
THE DOUBLE TALK OF LOVE—tibald classic ABBE DE BRANTOME 115 
PLAYBOY PLAYS THE COMMODITIES MARKET—arlicle MICHAEL LAURENCE 117 
LITTLE ANNIE FANNY —sotire HARVEY KURTZMAN ond WILL ELDER 175 


HUGH м. HEFNER editor and publisher 
A. C. SPECTORSKY associate publisher and editorial director 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 


JACK J. RESSIE managing editor VINCENT T. TAJIRI piclure editor 


SUFLDON WAX assistant managing edilor; MURRAY FISHER, NAT LEHRMAN senior 
editors; KOME MAcAULEY fiction editor; james сооре articles editor; ARTHUR 
KREICHMER, MICHAEL LAURENCE, DAVID STEVENS, ROBERT ANTON WILSON associate 
editors; ROBERT 1. ctr. fashion director; bwi tAYLOR fashion editor; THOMAS 
мако food & drink editor; PATRICK CHASE travel editor; J. r TY contributing 
editor, business & finance; KEN W. PURDY contibuliug editor; wensen korr admin- 
istralive editor; ARLENE WOURAS сору Chief; DAVID. BUTLER, HENRY FENWICK, JOHN 

REE, LAWRENCE LENDER VN, ALAN RAVAGE, CARL SNYDER, KOGER WIDENER assistant 
editors; BUN CHAMBERLAIN associate picture editor; MARILYN GRABOWSKI assistant 
picture editor: MARIO CASAL. J. BARRY O'ROURKE, POMPEO POSAR, ALEXAS URRA, 
JERKY YELSMAN staff Photographers; STAN MALANOWSKA contiibuting photographer: 
RONALD BLUME asociate art director; NORM SCHAEFER, HOW POSE, ED WEISS, GEORG 
KENTON. КЕҢИ; POPE, JOSEPH. PACZER assislan! art directors; WALTER KRADENYCH 
LEN WILLIS art assistants; MICHELLE ALTMAN assistant cartoon editor; JONN 
msmo production manager; Maen VARGO assistant production manager; 
PAY parras sights and permissions = HOWARD w. LEDERER advertising director; 
ULES KASE associate advertising manager; SHERMAN KEATS chicago advertising 
manager; JOSEY cout detroit advertising manager; NESON олен promotion 
director; nemur torsen publicity manager; KENNY DUNN public relations man- 
aper; ANSON MOUNT public а[айз manager; THEO FREDERICK personnel director; 
JANET PILGRIM reader service; ALVIN WLEMOLD subscription manager; ELDON SELLERS 
Special projects; комит s. rnevss business manager and circulation director. 


өм 


KENTUCKY STHICNT BOURBON WHISKEY 86 PROOF DISTILLED AND BOTTLED BY FAMOUS OLD CROW DISTILEY CO. FRANKFORT. AY 


Now you can take Old Crow wherever you go. In the 
tuckaway fifth is the same mellow, smooth Bourbon you 
find in the familiar round bottle. Famous since 1835, 
today Old Crow is the most popular Bourbon in the land. 


Popular 
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fifth 
ailable 
as usual. 


| The tuckaway fifth that 
packs as flat as your shirt! 


New Wide Tread tires 
from Goodyear 


~ 


You could buy Goodyear’s new Wide Boots be- 
cause their tread is almoSt one-third wider than 
the tread on ordinary tires. Or because they start 
faster. Stop quicker. Handle surer. Corner safer. 
You could buy Goodycar's new Wide Boots be- 
cause they're made much like a racing tire. Squat. 
Broad shouldered. With a strong cord set at a low 
angle for less heat buildup and longer wear. With 
a tread of Tufsyn rubber — the toughest rubber 
Goodyear ever built into a tire. 
» Or you could buy Goodyears Wide Boots—in 
red or white stripe—just because they look great. 


GOOD/YEAR 


WIDE ROOTS, TUFS¥R, SPEEDWAY WIDEN) reca 4,5 THE сопун TIRE а RUBBER COMPANY, AKRON, оно. 


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Prix 


Introducing “Jacks” 


We crossed a pair of jeans | 
with a pair of slacks ...and came up with a pair of "Jacks? 


с" ` 


Live in two different worlds. h.i.s Jacks provide real 
jean styling and slim fit with a genuine dress-up look. 
You can't take our permanent crease out unless you 
use a pair of scissors. And, Press-Free means no 
wrinkles, no ironing. $6 to $8 in rugged jean fabrics: 
Hopsacks, Steep Twills, Tattersalls and Corduroys. 
Prices slightly higher in the West. E 

Talon Zipper. For nearby retailers, 

write to h.i.s, 16 East 34th Street, { 

NY. 10016. Available in Canada. нане. 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


E лоокєз$ гїлүврү MAGAZINE - PLAYBDY BUILDING, 919 N. MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


WHY spy? 
I certainly enjoyed Senator Stephen 
M. Young's May article, Curbing Ameri- 
ca's Invisible Government: The CIA. It 
seems all too logical that à. gluttonous, 
unchecked bureaucracy such as the CIA 
should develop within the perplexing 
labyrinth of uncoordinated government 
that has grown up in Washington. Now 
that it has developed, the need for Con- 
gressional checks on CIA operations is 
imperative. It is sad that dedicated men 
such as Senator Young have to work 
within a Congress that no longer enjoys 
wide popular support. 
Glenn W. Sledge 
Whiteville, North 


Carolina 


Senator Young's article was excellently 


put together. You are to be cong 
lated for publishing a piece that presents 
a side of the CIA story about which the 
public knows distressingly little 

John W. Peck, Circuit Judge 

U.S. Court of Appeals, Sixth Circuit 

Cincinnati, Ohio 


u- 


Our freedom to decide our foreign 
policy through elected officials—not 
through a bunch of Fearless Fosdicks— 
is more important than any intelligence 
gains the CIA might produce 
Richard Schechter 
Potsdam, New York 


Senator Young's criticisms of the CIA 
arc undoubtedly valid. There is only one 
Government organization that has acted 
less efficiently, more extravagantly and 


more contrary to our national interests. 

That is the United States Congress 
John Alexander 
Ruston, Louisiana 


I was very pleased to read in Senator 
Young's article that “today you cannot 
directly learn anything about the CIA 
operation—not what it does nor what it 
costs, not how efficient it is, not even 
when it succeeds or when it fails—until 
it is too late to make any useful judy 
ment.” This is just as it should be. To put 
such an agency under the control of a 
Senate committee would more than likely 
hamper its effectiveness 

"Thomas A. Nanwid 

Burlington, Vermont 


JOBLESS PUNMANSHIP 
To add to your May Playboy After 
Hours list of unemployment puns: A 
songwriter would be decomposed, a cow- 
boy deranged, a certain baseball player 
dismantled and a wizard disenchanted 
Mrs, David Remen 
Jackson Heights, New York 


Hunters would be dislodged and old 
maids dismissed. 
Sheldon Barasch 
Bronx, New York 


FAST COMPANY 
As rLAYBOY so aptly put it, Grand Prix 
racing is the ultimate sport. Ken Purdy is 
a surprisingly eloquent sportswrit 
his artide (The Grand Prix, May) is the 
most colorful account of the men 
their machines that I have read in ma 
years, Anyone who cannot feel the at 
mosphere of the racing circuit after read- 
ing this can't be touched by the drama 
of any athletic event 
Reed Dasch 
Long Beach, 


fornia 


Congratulations to PLAYBOY and Ken 
Purdy for the excellent article. It must 
rate as опе of the most interesting and 
casily digestible appreciations of the 
greatest of all sports. 

Stirling Moss 
London, England 


I enjoyed reading your Grand Prix 
article. Ken Purdy’s text was lively and 
interesting, and the excellent color photo- 
graphs constituted a brief but effective 
survey of the world of the Grand Prix. 

Enzo Ferrari 
Modena, Italy 


Your artide on Grand Prix racing is 
especially noteworthy for Horst E 
mann's photography. He is the finest 
autoracing photographer to appear in 
the past decade. Thanks for publishing 
his exciting and remarkable photos. 

T. F. Schuster 

FPO New York, New York 


u- 


I recently read Ken Purdy's Grand 
Prix article. In the main, it demonstrated 
а thorough knowledge of today’ 


motor 


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PLAYBOY 


10 


ig. It was interesting and well writ- 
п. But I must take issue with Purdy 
ation gasoline is 
aces. Since 19 


" 
K 
when he says that avi 
used in Grand Prix 


FL A. regulations have stipulated the 
use of commercial automotive gasoline. 
T. E. R. Bray, Manager 


Esso Petroleum Company, Limited 
London, England 
Purdy admits that he flew off in the 


wrong direction. 


LATE LETTERS 

Its about time! I've been waiting to 
sec Barbara Рап the Пех since the 
first time I saw her on television as Betty 
Anderson. Your pictorial feature on her 
(The Late Show, May) was fantasti 
Barbara's contribution to men's sleep- 
second to none. My only com- 
iat she wore too many рајата 
imagine that many more men will 
be watching Peyton Place Irom now on. 
aregory L. Buliman 
Fort Bliss, Texas 


АП these months of watching Peyton 
Place without knowing why—until your 
May issue. 


J. L. Carson 
Raleigh, North Caroli 


HEYWOOD FEVER 

Your May interview with Woody AL 
was а joy to read. Allen is my 
e comedian, responses 
were priceless. My congratulations to 
everyone involved. 


and 


Terry Levin 
Chicago, Illinois 


Thanks for the zany portrait of the 
comic genius that is Woody Allen. I'm 
still chuckling. 

Esther Sturza 
Baldwin, New York 


While I was en route from Los 
geles to New York—and 
a Airlines for 
flight movie—rLavnoy, and Woody Al- 
len, calmed me down, made me laugh 
and restored my usual good spirits. АП 
the airlines might do well to substitute 
PLAYBOY for inflight movies. 

Buddy Hackett 

Palisade, New Jersey 


After eagerly lip-reading Sol We 
's interview with Heywood Allen, I 
must ask you to preface future mate 
of this nature with the war 
tion: Playboy Interviews М 
ous to Your Health.” 1 have a terminal 
case of Heywood fever: I can't stop 


Steve Lander 
Los Angeles, California 


Your Woody Allen interview was the 
first one I haven't enjoyed. I have noth- 
ing against humor, but in this instance, 


you have gone from the sublime (Arnold 
Toynbee—your April interviewee) to the 
ridiculous, in the space of one month. 
Let's get back to the interesting. the pro- 
vocative and the stimulatin 
B. P. Lawton 
Montreal, Quebec 


FANTASY FAN 
Gahan Wilson's The Sea Was Wet as 
Wet Could Be (rzavnov, N la 
a tale that would wi 

iest approval. if only he were 
roll some- 

jorously hi ‚ Wilson bril- 
ıd forthrighuly decl 
nis must forev 


creative 
himself against self-styled 


revenge 
adults" who 
persist in. deniga g him as a “child” 
because he rejects their standards of xeali- 
ty. In Wilson's case, this revenge takes 
the form of a * "—but thanks to 
Wilson's skill, I'm sure that many read- 
ers finished the story with the wish that 
it could, somehow, come true. Certainly 
the actual presence of a Walrus and a 
carpenter here on the West Coast would 
do much toward cleaning up our local 
Muscle Beach. In their absence, 
only commend Gahan Wilson for 
symbolic cleansing. 

Robert Bloch 

Los Angeles, Califor 
ийе at home in the fantasy realm 
himself, Bloch is the author of Alfred 
Hitchcock's “Psycho” and a frequent 
contributor lo PLAYBOY. 


VOX POP 

1 would like to congratulate PLAYBOY 
on its recent recognition of popular mu- 
sic. In the May 1967 issue, almost half of 
the reviewed recordings were either rock 
or popular material, and your On the 
Scene feature was devoted entirely to 
personalities who are represe 
today's musical trends, Whether you 
it rock, psychedelic or wh I'm glad 
to see that todays sound is accepted by 
а magazine with the stature and respect 
of PLAYBOY. 


atever 


James Gottlieb 
Union College 
Schenectady, New York 


Thanks for your On the Scene sketch 
of Donovan, the most distinctive and re- 
freshing figure to make the pop scene in 
а long time. Your brief article provided 
fine insights into this fascinating young 
man and his music. 


SOUND OBSERVATION 

Max Gunther's The Sonics Boom 
yoy, May) was very interesti 
ther ha le a most valuable coi 
n to our understanding of sound 
phenomena and their effects on humani- 
ty. As a college teacher, I have reached 
the conclusion that we are creating a 


new generation of the semide: 
children so constantly bomt 
with sound—much of it outrageous 


decibel level—as to be rendered totally 
Impervious to conversation or music at 
normal volume. They are aware of sound 
without actually hearing it. This is e 
pecially true in music, where рори 
big-beat songs are played at the highest 
possible volume without any regard for 
the resulting distortion. At a time whe 
ellective communication through writ 
red from the public 
d the spoken word 
falls upon deaf cars, it seems highly pos- 
sible that sign language will once agai 
be with us, as civilization completes its 
onrushing return to primitivism. 

Robert Row 

Ridgefield, Connecticut 


has virtually disapp 
school curriculu 


RAFAELITE 
I read Rafael Steinberg's Day of Good 
Fortune in your May issue and found the 
word painting extremely good. Mi 
Steinberg can write. This was the fist 
time I had seen a copy of PLAYROY and I 
found ihe juxtaposition of his story and 
the photograph of the rather exposed 
young San Francisco girl who is looking 
lor work in Hollywood a bit strange 
However, ag swallowed my fist 
gulp, 1 went on to read the section de- 
voted to theater, films and books, all 
very well written. Do cont to pub- 
sh the sort of fiction that Day of Good 
Fortune represents. 
Bella Spewack 
New York, New York 
Mis. Spewack has authored—alone or 
in collaboration with her husband, Sam 
numerous short stories and Broadway 
plays. including “Kiss Me, Kate” and 
“My Three Angels. 


EDUCATIONAL FILMS 
Stephen H. Yafa's My, How Fast They 
Learn (vLavwoy, May) assessed the 
Hollywood scene—and what irs like to 
be young. bright hustling —berter 
than anything Ive seen since Budd 
Schulberg was working similar terrain. 
Lets have more tough, straightforward 
waiting like this. 
Jack van Ronson 
San Francisco, California 


Fledgling screenwriter Stephen Y 
ırpıise at finding himself in a brothel 
ad of a love nest is in itself a sur- 
prise. His central po 
4 у 
its delivery—would illumi 
even if it had not be 
before. 

Despite all the Old and New Waves 
of bilge. the esential Гаа about Holly- 
wood—better understood by the illiter- 
ates in command than by anyone else 
is that it is an industry, dedicated to the 
manufacture of a commodity for a mar- 
ket. That this commodity is compounded 


ands or 


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Pub 


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After Shave, Cologne 
and other essentials 
for the lusty life. 


Created for men by Revlon. 


of such evanescent ingredients as tits and 
dimpled backsides, balls and. derring-do, 
laughter and leers in по wise alters the 


basic profit orientation of the structure 


Hollywood is absurd. all r bur not 
inal and lacks the 
poetry to be Cloud-Cuckoo-Land. It's sim. 
ply a tinted mirror held up 
tainted society 
Jolin Bright 
North Hollywood, California 


truly mad. It is too 


nst a 


MARTY 

Karl Prentiss’ You May Well Wonder 
Marty (vi vynoy. May) struck at the heart 
of American business morality, In some 
24 vears on Wall Street, Гус more tha 
once seen at close range very similar 


mancuverings and outrages. 
Daniel R. Mattox 
New York, New York 


STERLING SYLVA 
We were completely taken with your 
May pictorial feature (Sylvan Sylva) on 
lovely Sylva Kosina. Bur one thing 
bothers us: The poor girl says she is with: 
ош a home. In the interest of brother 
hood, we would like to offer Svlva a home 
for as long as she could possibly need it 
Sigma Chi Fraternity 
Oregon State University 
Corvallis, Or 


The May rr Aynov was опе of the best 
ever—and its most outstanding feature 
was Angelo Froutoni’y breath-takit 
photography of Sylva Коѕсіпа. 

Michael Berryma 
San Luis Obispo, Califo 


FRANKIE AND ANNIE 

I cannot tell you how pleased and 
honored 1 felt seeing myself immortal. 
ized in your distinguished Little Annie 
Fanny feature (May 1967). I was particu- 
larly Пацеха by the likeness of me—in 
which 1 appear somewhat like AL Mar 


ting with a wl condition—and thc 


distinguished lyrics. attributed. 10 me 
(C Ringaling«li 
me out of my bird!”). Such eloquence 


baby, You're birding 


has not been heard since Sammy Cahn 
whit three toes in an oarlock. Where 


else but in a free America could such 
satire De possible? 
Frank Sinatra 


Burbank, Calilornia 


TAX VOBISCUM 

A few details in Bishop James Pike's 
article in the April er ynoy (Tax Organ 
ized Religion) have been challenged by 
the National Catholic Conference. Some 
articles in both the Catholic and secular 
press have given the impression that 
Bishop Pike has repudiated the informa 
tion he presented in PLAYBOY as to the 
wealth of the Roman Catholic. Church. 
But. in fact. Pike has done no more than 


indicate frankly that some of his ma 


vial may have been out of date. (One 


tide he cited—from Der Spiegel—vwas 


from the issue of August 13. 1958. The 


situation may have ch «1 somewhat 


since then.) H seems obvious. however 
that the wealth of the Church is not at 
all diminished and that the basic prob. 
lem of the growing untixed wealth of 
churches remains. 

The Jesuits. in particular. seem to be 
outraged by some of Pike's observations 
about their wealth. There is a simple and 
direct way by which the truth can be es 
tablished. The Jesuits can publish a full, 
audited statement of their current hold 
ings. This is commonly done by church 


corporations and—as Pike wiote—actu 

ally protects the churches. themselves 
Edd Doen 
Washington, D. € 


With respect to Jack Anderson's coi 


пела 
(Тах 
p I want vou w know 


ding rhe present inco 


e for oil 


s deplet 


that I have repeatedly supported re 
duction of depletion allowances. During 


consideration of the 1964 (as-reducnion 


bill, I voted in favor of two amendments 
that were offered unsuccessfully to reduce 
the depletion allowance 
no legislation for this purpose has 
reached the floor of the Senate 

I certainly feel that our tax Јам 
should be drafted in the clearest and 
most concise manner. As уоп know, the 
complexity of the tax structure is in part 
the resul of patchwork attempts to 
reflect particular economic situations rele- 
vant to certain groups ol u 
stead of applying broad general rules to 


Subsequently 


payers, in- 


everyone. I believe а balance of interests 
must be achieved, but the desire for sim- 
plifcation should not be permitted to 
create inequities 

I shall keep these considerations and 
your views very much before me dur 
the shaping of the Administration’s pro- 
posals in this session of Congress. 1 am 
hopeful that overdue tax reforms will be 
enacted. 


Senator Jacob K. Javits 
United States Sena 
Washington, D.C. 


LIFESAVER 
I recently arrived in the States from 
Vietnam. where 1 was wounded in action 
on February 17. 1 would like to express 
my gratitude to PLaynoy for saving my 
life. In my chest pocket 1 had a PLAYEOY 
magazine, folded in Гош. As it hap- 
pened, it stopped a bullet headed for ny 
heart. Usually for reasons other than its 
value as armor plate. rLaynoy is by far 
the biggest 
For this, we all thank you 
Donald Lasilla 


Union, New Jersey 


orale booster in Vietnam. 


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Running your car at 
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midsummer can raise an 
engine's temperature to an 
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When that happens, 
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Our remedy for highway 
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STP is so rich and strong, it 
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matter how much heat 
you put on it. 


So your engine runs cooler 
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Racing drivers like Jimmy 
Clark, who run their cars 
200-plus miles an hour at 
the Indianapolis ‘'500"’, 
stake their livelihoods on 
STP's ability to keep an 
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longer. 

Have your gasoline service 
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You'll feel better in the 
long run. 


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PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


t long last, it would seem, homosex- 
ДА aid Hd BG E Cases 
some small de ıl acceptability 
in our straight-and-narrow society. Not 
long ago, New York's stately Town Hall 
played host to The Miss All-American 
Camp Beauty Pageant, а no-boys-barred 
showdown in which the winners of local 
female-impersonation competitions across 
the country bucked for the honor of 
being chosen “Miss All-American Camp. 
Originally intended as a benefit for 
muscular dystrophy, the drag contest 
ended up being sponsored by the Na- 
tionals Academy (an organization has- 
tily formed so that the show could go on). 
when top-level M.D. execs uncharitably 
withdrew support after belatedly learn 
ing that girls in the pageant would really 
be boys. With the sanctioning of this 


ce of sac 


heretofore subterran tivity, it seems 
logical that gay blades around the 
country will turn bust into boom and 


recast other heterosexual-dominated in- 
stitutions in a soothing lavender glow. 
Radio and TV shows such as the long- 
neglected Queen for a Day and the re- 
cently popular ve Gol a Secret will take 
on scintillating new formats. Of course, 
the declaration of a national "Take a 
Drag Queen to Lunch Week” is virtually 
assured. And such organizations as the 
United Fruit Pickers of America will have 
to hire extra help in order to answer the 
deluge of mail from new applicanis. With 
homophilic emancipation no longer 
swishful thinking, various establishments 
such as publishing firms are already be- 
ginning to swing aboard the gaily painted 
band wagon. As a service to its readers— 
regardless of race, creed or sexual per- 
suasion—Women's Wear Daily, the New 
York female fashion sheet, sent reporter- 
columnist Chauncey Howell to the Camp 
Beauty Pageant. He reported: 

George Raft and Baby Jane Holzer 
t show up and nobody missed them. 
They were both listed on the program as 
judges for the pageant, but they didn't 
make the scene. АП the other listed 
judges—qualified experts on horseflesh, 
women and classy drag queens—did 
show up and are sitting in the front row: 


Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgewick, Lar 
ry Rivers, Terry Southern, Rona Jaffe, 
Paul Krasner, Jim Dine, and a certain 
Dr. Ralph Metzner—just in case 
“Strangely, the audience numbers 
only a few young men who wear a touch 
of make-up around the eyes or look like 
they might have a pair of high spike 
heels lingering in the back of their 
clothes doset at home. These are invari- 
ably accompanied by strange little girls 
who look like Paraphernalia hostesses. 
АП the West End Avenue hippics and 
Sunday afternoon liberals are there; the 
East Village scrullballs are, too. George 
Plimpton and Catherine Milinaire are 
there. Young men wearing broad- 
brimmed gangster hats shading their 
acne scars; their dates in stecl-rim glasses 
that even welfare clients would reject 
as too ugly The fourthstring Ha 
pening reviewer from The Village Voice 
are giggling with litte female fruit flies 
in silver Mylar miniskirts. The whole 
audience is atwit and atwitter in antici- 
pation of a madcap evening. Everyone is 
saying “Hey, Baby’ to each other. 
Suddenly, from behind the curtains, 
a band is heard playing Hollywood, the 
curtains part and a chorus of supremely 
ugly drag queens in beaded flapper 
dresses galumphs out for the opening 
buck and wing number. They make way 
for the evenings ‘masterful mistress 
of ceremonies—EL AWLESS SABRINA,” 
who wageles on stage in a champagne- 
blonde wig and a tawdry white sheath 
singing Mae Wests m No Angel. 
“Flawless Sabrina speaks: ‘The queens 
you are going to see here tonight are 
the finest America. No schleppas 
here. They're real beauties, and they ve 
flown to the contest at great expense.” 
... Sabrina explains how the contest is 
judged. In addition to the standard соп- 
test virtues of walk, make-up, hairdo, 
figure and general beauty, there is some 
thing called “transition 
“That's how well you hide that 
bulge! 
“A flourish 


mysterious 


nasty 


Sabrina says... 
the 
gain, rev 
bathingsuited pseudo Dr 


orchestra. The 
aling 21 black- 
ls in huge, 


from 


agara Falls wigs and i00 much makc- 
up. Beauty marks are popular. Shoulders 
+ wider than they should be. Muscular 
legs show signs of razor burn beneath 
the nylons. Very few of the queens 
(hat's what Sabrina keeps calling them) 
are really convincing. Those few, like 
Sabrina, are so convincing they're scary. 
“America, these are your queens! 
Try to empathize with them, ladies and 
gentlemen.’ Sabrina exults. They parade 
across the stage and then reappear in 
hunky evening gowns that are villainous. 
ly elegant. Miss Boston looks like May 
Britt with a hallback's shoulders. Miss 
airfield County is an Annette Funicello 
gone berserk with a teasing comb and a 
can of hair spray. Miss Greater Washing: 
ton looks mauonly in purple, like а doc 
tors wife at a countryclub dance. He 
"Theng- 


smiles graciously and whisper 
you, thengyou' at the applause 
“During intermission, each woman in 
the audience is suddenly under suspi- 
сіоп. Everyone watches to see who goes 
to what rest room. . . - Then, the con- 
testants are brought out again to let thc 
audience have a final look. After much 
faving around, the judges winnow the 
queens down to four finalists . . . 

Miss Philadelphia wins! Some of the 
disappointed. queens scream “Fix!” With 
that, Sabrina loses her composure, rushes 
to the footlights and hisses, "Ladies and 
gentlemen, those bitch queens are just 
mad because they flunked “tr 
knew when they walked 
Nasty-poo. 

"Now enthroned 
wearing a f. 


sition." 1 
they would 


in a gold chair 
vprincess crown, Miss 
Philadelphia, now Mis Quen of 
Queens, cries honest, beauty pageant 
tears of joy while the mascara dribbles 


down the cheeks, Larry Rivers rushes 
with a congratulatory kiss, 
thinks better and seiles for a hearty 


handshake. 

"UE voted for her because I thought 
she was sincere and vulnerabl 
Jaffe says, “And besides, 1 didn't w 
see any of those other yentas w 

“This Sunday at Town Hall, the Rev. 
erend Dr. Raymond Charles Baker of 


Rona 


15 


PLAYBOY 


16 


the First Church of Religious Science 
will speak on the topic “The Quiet 
Mind. 


па 


There are those who like puzzles 
those who don't, Most of the latter group 
responds to being asked complicated rid. 
dles with n halfway betwee 
enmi à peration. Both feelings 
are compounded. of course, when a prob- 
lem they're asked to solve involves many 
elements to keep in mind, requires the 
ion of rusty math for solution 
1 is worded deceptively—or, as it often 
seems to them, downright dishonestly. IL 
these people like puzzles at all, the 
preference is for the childishly simple 
ones, rather than for those that are dia- 
bolically clever. For such types, here is 
a poser that satisfies their criteria, being 
possessed. of brevity, simplicity and hon- 
esty in its wording. No wicks, eagle scouts 
honor. But, as а safety precaution against 
ng boredom or annoyance, we'll 
а the answer at the bottom of the 
next column, so that antipuzzle reader 

пау read it at once and then retun 
the next item below. Ready? 

А man drives one mile at 
speed of 15 miles per hour. How 
must he drive a second mile to average 
30 miles per hour for the two miles? 


from a 


Proposition of the Month 
circular sent to members of the | 
branch of the British Sub-Aqua Club: 
The Gommiuee is in need of a good 
frig, and any members who could help 
asked to contact the Club secretary.” 


Unsettling sign of the times seen in 
a Downtown Chicago pharmacy: we pis- 


PENSE WITH ACCURACY. 


No rest for the weary: A headline on 
the cover of the June Argosy read: 
“SPEND YOUR VACATION IN THE SADDLE.” 


uch ado about nothing: The com- 
puter of an automobile insurance com- 
pany, reports The National Underwriter, 


began sending bills for 50.00 to a client 
in St. Louis. When the computer sent 
a “final notice’ 


n, the man's agent decided that ap- 
nt was the wisest course and 
sent the computer a check lor $0.00. He 
received а thank you note stating that 
his policy would be continued. 


Flash from the Vancouver Sim: 
“Women compromise more than a third 
of Britain's work force.” 


The Chicago Daily News was caught 
napping in an interview with LSD phi 
losopher Dr. Timothy Leary. The Leary 
message of "Turn on, tune in, drop out” 
apparently made News correspondent 
Betty Flynn drowsy. Twice in her story, 


Miss Flynn proved she was a dropout in 
her own right by misquoting Leary's ru- 
bric as "Tune in, turn on, drop off." 


he tide of the sexual revolution on 
campus seems to be engulfing even its 
erstwhile cines to judge by the fol- 
lowing headline from Wittenburg Uni- 
versity’s school paper. the Torch. in 


Springfield, Ohio: "sexvAL ATMOSPHERE 
SCRUTINUED; — ADMINISTRATORS — TOUCH 
MANY AREAS 


A unique way to liven up a convention 
was suggested. by The International 
Teamster, which reported that. "Many 
women delegates were on the conven- 
tion floor. where they made their 


contribution." 


big business was 
ult to recruit qualified col- 
lege iduates to fill its technological 
jobs. but we didn't know how serious the 
situation was until we read the followi: 
want ad from — Honolulu's Sund; 
Star-Bulletin & Advertiser: "Person. to 
work on nuclear fisionable isotope 
molecular reactive counters and three- 
phase cyclotronic u m photosynthe- 
sizers. No experience necessary." 


Serutable East Department: A recent 
issue of National. Consiruction, a Coi 
munist Chinese quarterly publication, 
insists not only that rustproof screws 
were invented by the Chinese about 221 
vc. but that “rustproofing and screwing 
were popularized by Chairman Ma 
ing the glorious Long March.” Else- 
where in the mag a blurb introduci 
an article by Mao himself —reprinted to 
squash "rumors" that present-day Chi 
bears a resemblance to Adolf Hitler's 
Third Reich—states that “Adolf Hitler 
was 3 feet 6 inches tall and weighed 


spellbinding oratory, relations with 
women and annihilation of a minority 
people. In his Li s. he suffered 


from insanity and delusions of grandeu 
Chairman Mao is taller and heav 


Our special award for pater 
goes t the father of a 17-ycarold. 
burst, Hlinošs, youth who 
[rom home on the same 
year-old fiancée vanished 
hurst Press reported that “police said the 
lather could give no reason for the boy 
to leave home.” 


The Elm 


And now for the answer to the puzzle in 


column one. [Us easy as pie. right? To get 
average of two numbers, you add 
them and divide by 2, right? You know 


the first number is 15 amd that the 
average you want is 30. If you add 45 
to 15. you get 60, right? Now divide by 
2 average of 30, right? 


2 and you get 
So the driver has to average 45 miles per 


hour for the second mile, right? Wrong! 
Go to the foot of the class, which you 
will find quite crowded with other fa 
thinking types. The correct answer is that 
it's imposible: To average 30 miles per 
hour for two miles requires that the dis- 
tance be covered in four minutes. Bur 
our poky driver used up four minutes 
to average 15 miles per hour on his first 
nd has no time left for the second 


MOVIES 


The plot couldn't be more of а cine- 
matic cliché: A dozen cour-martialed 
American Army prisoners—mest of them 


for a delicate, deadly missi beh 
Nazi lines. Few, if any, will return, but 


those who do will have their sentences 
commuted. This time around, the film 
(and the collection ol prisoner) is 
known as The Dirty Dozen—and it is 
the most exciting and entertaining war 
epic since The Guns of Navaron 
ing up a big, well-chosen cast 
Marvin as the hare cynical major 
charged with training. and leading the 
Marvin dominates the pro- 
ceedings with a perfor 

his Cat Ballon Os 
John 


GI convicts. 


assavetes, who pon 
ig Chicago hood turned hero before 
the film is done, may well wind up with 
n Academy Award nomination for best 


supporting actor. The Dirty Dozen is 
stockpiled with laughs (credit. sorcen- 
writers. Nunnally Johnson and Lukas. 


Heller) and surprise: Jimmy 
Brown, who quit the Cleveland. Browns 
at the apex of his pro-football stardom 
¢ one of The Dirty Do 

ylish on screen 

sweeps; he's found himself а new care 
Clint Walker (star of TV's Cheyenne), 


s he was r 


singer Trini Lopez and Telly Savalas, as a 
psychopath, are all above average. And 
Richard Jacckel—that blond, aewcut kid 


of World War Two films who made а 
career of searching out Pat O'Brien (o 
ask, “Is everybody scared, Padre, or is i 
just me?"—tumns in a stron lormance 
as an MP sergeant. Robert 
Aldrich has imbued the action with 
imagination and invention: The Dnty 
Dozen should be one of the big screen 
1967. 


pe 
Direcior 


success stories of 


When, at the dose ol Two for the Read, 
Albert Finney and Audrey Hepburn tur 
to each other. and he calls her "bitch 
and she calls him "bastard," an almost 
idible gasp goes forth [rom the collec 
tive mothers of America. But there is lit 
tle else in this latest effort of Stanley 
Donen to cause excitement. The action 
covers several years in the course of a 
dillicult and unattractive v 


ie, those 


About all there is to do is swim, 
scuba, snorkel, skindive, fish the 
deep sea, paddle a boat or just float. 
Of course, there are shops to visit, 
movies to watch, trips to take, ska 
parties to enjoy and an 800-foot white 
sand beach to wander. As they say, 
it's no place like home. Unless, of 
course, you happen to have an Olym- 
pic-size pool, sunken Grecian baths, 
meeting rooms, bi-level suites with 
private patios and breathtaking views. 
Plus a night club, gourmet cuisine and 
a bounty of beautiful Bunnies to wait 
on you hand and foot. If this isn't 
the simple life as you know it—try it! 


Са 
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ile 


at 
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and send for our free color brochure. 


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NAME 
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спу = 


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THE JAMAICA PLAYBOY CLUB-HOTEL’ v 


PLAYBOY 


18 


rts of it spent traveling in France. The 
difficulty is that, in attempting 

the random fragments of a 
recollection, Donen allows for 
the sequence of events. Transitions 
scene to scene are triggered by 
ture, a word, that flings us forward and 
backward in time without clue or prepa 
ration, And when these shotgun tactics 
are done, the moral turns out to be that 
moncy can't buy happiness—or. more 
precisely, that it surely purchases mise: 
Confusingly interspersed with the cou. 
ples bedchamber scenes are several in 
which they encounter other traveling 
folk for fun and profit. Such esteemed 
sidemen as Claude Dauphin, Nadia Grey 
and Eleanor Bron provide these distrac 
tions. With and without them, there are 
witty moments in the film, and a few ac 
tually bear some relationship to marriage 
as prac п пе Western. world. Alas. 
not many. More often, there are mo- 
ments too hostile for wit or too cuic for 
words, as Albert remarks that 
An girls, though they seem liher- 
ated, really want just what their grand. 
mothers wanted—and Audrey hands 
him a banana. 


ed 


Murray Schisgal’s tv, a slight but huge- 
ly popular play. has been made 
a fat and hugely di i 
Martin Manulis, a producer with 
for the overinflition of small balloon: 
Manning the air pump is Clive Donner, 
who directs Jack Lemmon and Peter 
Falk in overwrought performances. and 
to make Elaine May look 
bad. Luv on the stage was a lantasy lor 
three Brooklyn linguists engaged in the 
rapid-fire exchange of lunatic dialog 
about marriage (“I'm more in love today 
than the day I got married—but my wile, 
she won't give me a divorce”), Don- 
ner takes this stage stuff and overwhelms 


it with too much action and too many 
people (Nina Wayne, Eddie Mayeholf. 
Paul Hartman and Severn Darden are 


incon: 


equentially imposed on the basic 
triangle). When actor 
tasy leaps, from fear, onto a lamppost, the 
audience says, OK, it’s a comic conven- 
tion, well pretend to believe it, But 


in а fan 


stage 


when Jack Lemmon is obliged to leap 
from а literal suburban lawn to a lite 
lamppost the joke fals flat A 


Lemmon himself is way. way off 
confirmed nebbish whose masochism is 
expressed in fits of deaf-and dumb bl 
ness and catatonia. Its a mislem, 


role, Is a felony 
al subtlety 
into gross caricature. And it's nothing less 
than a Federal offense to film th 
attractive faces at such close range th 
some sequences could be u 
matology labs of medical schools. In 
this moonscape of pimples and cavities, 
ıst the overblown 


to so circumscribed 
to turn Elai 


suburban Los Angeles, Schisgal's funny 
little New York play has escalated into a 


reat big mistake. 
There is no man like The Flim-Flom 
Mon, amd mores the pity, because 


played by George C. Scott, he is one con 
tist you could be proud to be ficeced 
by. Scott plays Mordecai 
rious scalawag of Cape Fear County, 
pretty much as he was created. by Gay 
Owen in his novel The Ballad of the 
Flim-Flam. Man—a man of a million 
transparent disguises and accents, an 
outrageous cheat with an eloquent con- 
tempt for the black hearts of his fellow 
men, “master ol back-stabbing, cor 
screwing and dirty-dealing,” redeemed 
by his insistence, in an existence spent 
one leap and p in front of sherifls’ 
posses, that "vou can't let life ger you 
down. the ar- 
tempted financial rape and certain phy 
cal destruction of all Cape Fear County 
Michael Sarrazin as Curley, Army desert 


Teamed with Scott in 


cr on the lam, à skinny, good-looking 
kid who turns out to be a master shill 
with—of all things—an honest heart. 
wrazin almost steals the movie, despite 
Scotts flamboyance, and shows where 
Hollywood's next coming from. 


Peter_nowvithstanding. Шу in- 
volved are Sue Lyon as Bonnie Lec 
Packard, sugarmouth local bimbo and 
bilked beloved of Curley: Jack Albertson 
and Alice Ghostley as her parents; Нату 
Morgan as the hilarious, cigarsmok 
sheriff of the county; Albert Salmi as h 
befuddled deputy; and Slim Pickens 
doing what he docs best as a larcenous 
yokel and easy mark. But the best fe: 
tured players are the Kentucky towns 
cf Lawrenceburg, Winchester and Ver 
sailles and the leafy green farms and 
country roads of Anderson County. Pro 
ducer Lawrence Turman and director 
Invin Kershner did well to go there 

yarn as insistently red, white and blue as 
this deserves an unimpeachable setting 


The Wer Wagon is a h 


vily armo 


ecoach laden with $500,000 wor 
of gold. With a revolving tumet spit 
hot lead from a newfangled supe 


weapon known as а Gatling gun, and a 
dozen guards riding fore and aft, old 
ironsides ought to be banditproof. Except 
that the derring-doeis who have marked 
the wagon for a M uncher 
ned Taw (John W: nd a kille 
ied Lon 
fresh from priso 
the orerich r whence € 
gold, fecls the booty is properly 
max, who will do anything for money, 
may or may not be serious about a sort 
of subcontract to kill his mettlesome 
pardner for $12,000. The go-to-hell tone 
of the Wayne-Douglas deb; is j 
what an audience expects, and the 
the hitch. Pitting Wayne, the polar star 
of the American Western, and Douglas, 


ach 


the toothy apotheosis of he-manlincs, 


against. any number of adversaries 


doesn't leave much room for doubt about 
who will take every trick. It's aces back 
Fort 


1o back. ately, Wagon director 
Burt. Ke handles his stars with a 
mixture of allection and skepticism that 
comes happily close to parody—as in the 
scene where Wayne and Douglas shoot 
it out with a pair of ambitious junior 
gunmen. “My man hit the ground first,” 
snaps Douglas. "Mine was taller,” drawls 
the Duke. One striking first is Douglas’ 
nude scene. Crawling out of the bunk he 
hay shared with a lady cardsharp (Joanna 
Barnes), he goes to answer the door— 
flashing bare cheeks and a costume that 
consists entirely of holster and six gun. 


Volpone, Ben Jonsons comic play on 
Elizabetin cupidity, is the source and 
driving force ol The Honey Por, Joseph L. 
Mankiewic wildly witty comic mystery. 
Rex Harrison joyfully essays the part of 
ulisarich Fox, who whole 
theaters for his solitary amusement and 
lives in unparalleled opulence in a Ve 
tian palazzo. To 


hires 


tec 


his side he summons 
g outol-work actor, 
tle piychodrama he 
calls “pecple-baiting.” His victims are 
three women who were once the light of 
Edie Adams, а dumb-blonde 
Actress; Capucine, а superbly 
ristocr; wd Susan 
Lone Star Crockett, his one- 
time Texas paramour. He cables each 
the news that he is dying and that she 
y be named heires to his uncounted 
billions—the honey pot of the title. And 


of her type, ly t0 give he 
the fabulous scratch involved. And who 
should Lone Star bring along but h 
nurse, Maggie Smith, who is proper and 
shy but nilty enough to make any man 
p ne for an extended but not overly 
debilitating illness. When they are all i 
residence, uncert id final 
ly even murder wholly change the mood. 
ıd the audience is on its шеше to 
ure out who did what to whom, when 
nd why. There hasn't been so stylish 
nd intriguing а movie mystery for a 
long time. The Honey Pot is a honey 


Enter Laughing is Carl Reiners funny 
reminiscence of how he broke into show- 
biz in the 19305, and almost everything 
about it is funny-—cven the cedits, 
which read: produced by Carl 
ıd Joseph Stei 
er; screenplay by Joseph Stein 
Reiner: based on a play by Joseph Ste 
adapted from a novel by Carl Reiner. On 
Broadway, this property had AL 
in the lead, and the heart sinks a little on 
learning that Arki ot in the movie. 
Instead, 


who does Ronald Colman imperson 
ions at his job in a machine shop, longs 


Okay. So you don't do stupid things 


when you're dating. 


It doesn't matter 


No matter how cool you are there 
comes a time to shell out some money 


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to the nitty-gritty. 


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available on convenient terms at your local Zale's 
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Even if you're not quite through playing games yet. 


iS iS 


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playing games. 


PLAYBOY 


20 


to be an actor and is seriously afraid that 
he is growing up to be 
And Santoni is sensations 
Margolin for his virginal іт 


Wanda: Elaine May for a leadi 
his first stage appear xk C 


boss at the machi 

1 Орао 

believe us, 
m 


as Mr. Foreman, hi 
shop: and, lor parents, Dax 
ond Shelley Winters wh 
makes a perfect Yiddishe Mo 
her hair in а bu 

she’s quite 
Ferrer, as the hysterici 
our hero for his dreadful drawing-room 
drama in a tatty old theater on Mth 
Street. has never heen seen 10 better ad- 
vantage. As Angela, his nervous nymph 
ol adaughter. Elaine May vamps, camps, 
writhes and wriggles, and never once 
a pregnant pause in the wrong place. 
is stylish company for a newcomer, but 
Santoni is more than up to it: and to play 
an enfant that terrible, he has to he very, 
very good. You are guaranteed to exit 
roaring, 


and her nose 


Bet you didn't know it was Kirk (War 
Wagon) Douglas who led The Way West. 
Yup. off and bound from Independenc 
Missouri. all the way to Oh-re-gon, his 
chin the bristly prow of the fist prairie 
schooner to cleave them parts. 
almost, Because Richard Widmark w 
there, too. Yessir, them and likewi 
whole pasel of other folk, sc 
whom can acc a litle, they hit the Ore 
gon Trail, Including Robert. Mitchum, 
lor instance, who was a hell of an Indian 
nd. You could say 
that it was all based on V. B. Guihrie's 
novel of the same name, but that would 
be saying a heap more for producer 
Harold Hecht, who says that's what he 
based it on, than Hecht deserves or old 
A. B. ever earned. Let's just sty tl 

long wagon train that adds nothin 
TV's version of the same except a lot of 
scenery. а dab ol verisimilitude and a 
nubile number name of Sally Field, who 
plays Mercy McBee. Little Mercy. own 
er of the houest pantilettes in the West, 
proves she knows what a 
really for. And she proves it 
proves it, Lola Albright is vig 
too. but she's ma 
and not by nature. promiscu 


scout—till he went Ы 


и» 


» purty, 
ed up to Widmark 


us 5o its 


> to Mercy to stay true to her name 
er the long haul. and she does. There's 
no cataloging the troubles that а wagon 
m ано Гајин, my Lord, the 
Sioux just liked 10 plagued them folks to 
death; Mer cute 
Tittle self out of her wagon and rolling 
phill to perdition if you didn’t cuch 
: Kirk's pride—he’s got to be first and 
foremost aud won't have no lollygaggin’. 
Then the mountains and the cold, and 
everybody having to jettison their old 
grandfather clock and all, And then a 
canyon than which there never 
more ornery barrier to wagon 


E 


1 ger 


given 10 flinging her 


was а 
trains. 


nkee know-how wins the d. 
don't you worry—but not afore a 


whole mes of folk, including William 
Lundigan (William Lundigan?). get 


iheielves smashed 10 smithereens on 
the sheer cliffs—unfortunately, much too 
Luc in the fil 


obody in the north England town of 
Bolton could ask for a nicer couple than 
Hayley Mills (yes—married at last) and 
Hywel Bennett (a thin. handsome youth. 
th a striki 


wg resemblance to Paul Мс 
Carney): bur Hywel’s inability in the 
bedehamber becomes the talk and de 
of the town. The Femily Wey is both 
me of the movie and a condition 
ley will never get into unless the pair 
1 get a house of their own 
For sensitive Hywel will never be able 10 
do his connubial duty while his parents 
snore loudly in the next room. As Hy- 
wel's dad, John Mills brilliantly portrays 
а vain and br phony in desperat 
middleaged competition with his son 
and perpetually in flight from his hones 
wife. а tough-willed lady hi у 
endearingly played by Marjorie Rhode 
As the weeks pass and. Hayley's таги 
still “hasit taken on,” old Dad would 
like to jump to the town's conclusion that 
Hywel is "one of those." (The boy al- 
ways has liked books. music and other 
suspect diversions) In die end, to the 
accompaniment of Beethoven's Fifth, 
Hayley and Hywel finally make a go of 
it, in a consummation devoutly wished 
throughout and successfully thwarted by 
all parties umil rage and frustration 
overcome embarrassment. There isn’t ai 
actor in the film who does not come 
across with a strong and distinct charac- 
terization, however brief the role. relish- 
ing Bill Naughton’s persuasive way with 
dialog—a talent he originally displayed 
in Alfe. The Family Way is the 


first 
Bouliing Brothers comedy in a long time, 


and its good to have them back. 


Womon Times Seven 
way of sayi 
times. in seven 
р: 
There is noil 
th 
mark: but if you like Shirley, this is an 
opportunity to watch her explore а wide 
range of comedy and pathos, The sto 
by Cesare Zavattini, are like tales from 
‹ Derameron: 


just direct 


' 
Shirley MacLaine seve 


litle v 
1 directed by Vino 


ees ser i 
io De Sici 
profound about any of 
. amd one or two are cle, 


ilv off the 


temporary 
poor gil, pl 
Macla 
mens 


as vich girl, 
girl and gorgeous. girl, 
isa v: 


e conlro y ol predice 
all of them essentially sexu 
She also confronts, en passant. a few 1 
name stars—Alan. Arkin, Rosano Brazzi, 
Michael Caine, Vittorio Gassman, Robert 
Morley. Peter Sellers, Elsa Martinel 
and Anita Ekberg. € s 
of stalking two fashionable Ladies along 
the ChampsElysées aud never opening 
his mouth. Sellers, on the other hand, 


does a deft. French-accented job of se- 
duction on a grieving widow as they 
walk behind her husband's coffin in the 
funeral cortege. In one segment, Mac 
Laine comes on naked. teasing a. pair of 
rivals (Gassman and Clinton Greyn) with 
poetry, painting aud history 


nd defying 
them to touch her. Their patience ends 


In a double 


nd they tu ach other 
hed in their underpants. the two guys 
nade blows, Loving it, naked Shirley ad 
vances on the sack. as the scene diser 
ly fades. With Arkin, MacLaine has a bit 
about e pact in a ratty hotel 
room. His elderly wife has discovered 
their affair and has cut him out of her 
will, MacLaine is giving the wile a last 
piece of her mind via a tape recorder. 
“You're old!" she says spitefullv into the 
mike. "Talk louder," says Arkin. "She 
пт hear too well.” Obviously, Desica 
away from the neorealism of his 
post-War period, and so is Zavattini 
who wrote Shoe Shine and Bicycle 
Thief. Their world is dillerent now 
heavy with affluence, elegance, irony and 
pampered paramours, But they 
entirely exclude reality. 


on 


The 


Doris 


big news about Caprice, 
Day's latest movie. is that i 
end of Doris professional virginity. It 
begins with the tacit understanding that 
the lady is neither undefiled nor under 
21. Since the film has to turn on some 
more crucial than whether (he 
w man will get Doris into the sick 


di 


before the last reel (in. fact, she's there 
before 


fully 15 minutes have elapsed). 
4 Frank Tashlin have put 
together a batch of Chinese boxes hav 
ing to do with industrial espionage 
Doris’ line is cosmetics. and she’s nabbed 
in Paris trying to sell the secrets of her 
employers to another company. Well. 
she isn’t really. you sec; she's just pre 
tending, so as to get into the rival 
company's labs them for the 
employer she supposedly just betrayed. 
Richard Harris, a double agent for the 
metio companies, is the unprin 
cipled cad. poor Doris gets tied up with, 
whose sack she graces and whose solar 


Md spy o 


two co 


plexus gets the bruises when Doris 
comes on swinging. The little lady is 
savvy to the more sophisticated bugging 
devices she knows a sugar cube from a 


sugi and, to boot, 
а skier of Olympic skills. She—or her 


ube microphone 


double—abo displiys the desperate agil 
ity. on fire escapes and over yawning 
chasms. of a comic gyms But Doris 


and the audience have about equal luck 
in unraveling the s this plor 
which bemuses oue toward th 


umil, 
end, it becomes prematurely clear that 


nothing was ever meant to make much 
seme and, aside from a brief rain of bod 
ies thudding to the parquet. was essen 
tially bent more on tomloolery than on 


ag about with Doris 


across the top of the Eiffel Tower. on a 
slope in the Swiss Alps and through a 
Bocing 707 accoutered with French silk 
draperies and a crystal. chandelier are 
Edward Mulhare, Ray Walston, Jack 
Kruschen, nd—of special 
note—1 Miss Tsu represents 
another 


first 


speaking rol 
5 will another 
who can actually act. As 
she never looked better. 


Gunn, with € 
tained in the title ol 
Connery he ain't, though H 
wings for a widescreen outing. Stevens 
rded with female Mesh, frame aft 
me of it, soft and yielding. Di 
Blake Edwards, who thought up the 
yarn (and the series that inspired ü). 
begins with a spooky scene of slaughter 


vision. 


solves the murder, he spends 
I ol time nuzling a blonde 
а Devon) in enormous close- 
ups, coaxing busty brunette Sherry Jack- 
son out of his bed (see Make Room for 
Sherry on page 72) and acting worldly 
aboard а s bordello staffed, it 


ched pairs. The 
linked to a case of 


show how TV charac 

ry on. once freed from the restiaints 
imposed by home viewing. But in the 
last reel, they still talk pr e talk, 
carefully for everyone intro 
duced in this week's ses 
have to go to jail?” asks Gunn's pa 
mour re one volupt . He 
shrugs. “Oh, 1 doubt it, She'll probably 
get а suspended sentence and prol 
tion.” Or maybe а guest shot with John- 
ny Canon. 


Any American male of 40 or so who 
has ever licked his chops over the pros- 
pect of juicy infidelitics will find his 
hopes and fears gly materialized 
in A Guide for the Married Man, the most 
cheerfully amoral Hollywood sex come 
dy since Billy Wilder unlocked The 
Ipartment. With 
the full flavor of dubhouse 
scenarist Fra 
and don'ts of adultery as related by an 
experienced suburban philanderer (Rob 
ert Morse) to an ag n square 
(Walter Matthau). who is itching to 
swing a little. Matthau here resembles a 
dodo bird nourished by dreams of total 
y. But his lyrical side is even 
er, Windswept, starry<eyed, run- 
slow motion through a field of 
wildflowers in a wistful recollection of 
the rapture once inspired by his mate 


ar coc 


k Тано spells out the dos 


a most pleasant experience 


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21 


PLAYBOY 


(Inger Stevens), he is a one-man show. 
Watch-and-ward types may be partially 
appeased by the сорош, when the 
film backs away from its larky amorality 
and sends Matthau sq home to 
wife and kiddy, unblemished but bowed. 
While the will-heor-won'the story line 
proceeds apace, many of the fant 
male, middle-class Ате 
back, forward and sideways. Enacting 
them quite explicitly are such fam 
Lucille Ball, Art Jayne 
nsfield and ‘Terry-Thomas. Billed on 
screen “technical advisors.” they 
simply go through their paces and fade 
out, and seldom has the device of 
casting paid off so well. The sprightly, 
varied tempo of the escapades suggests 
that director Gene Kelly, having traded 
his dance slippers for a megaphone, can 
still neatly wip the light fantasi 


ars 


BOOKS 


Perhaps it is cruel and unusual pun- 
ishment to learn that the President of the 
United States holds his dish of melon 
balls up dose to his chin as he cai 
breakfast and that he “does not dawdle” 
in the bathroom. Such intimacies, how- 
ever, are par for the coarse these days. 
Jim Bishop, who did the blow-by-blow on 
Christ, Lincoln and Keunedy, lowers his 
sights in his newest book io A Day in the 
Life of President Johnson (Random House). 
He compresses the events of 11 days he 
th the Johnson family, in the 
and at the L. B. J. ranch, 
into one composite, "typical" day, orga 
ized on an hour-by-hour basi 
to derogate the simplistic, reve 
Bishop approach, yet these pages are not 
without interest. For inst it is com- 
monplace to talk of the "strains" of being 
nt; but this book makes it painful- 
y vivid just how intense those strains 
are, not in the glamorous terms of carry- 
ing the burden of nudear reprisal but 
п the unrelenting pressure of а 17-hour 
workday. It is fascinating, too, to see 
how much manpower and brain power is 

wobilized to prevent the President from 
having to waste even 30 seconds of hi 
time or a few ergs of his energy. And 
there is the shock of learning that the 
letter openers on the Pres t's desk аге 
iger-countered as part of each morn- 
ing's routine to make sure that no holes 
h: drilled into them and filled 
with tive material But, finally, 
nages to collect more trivia 
bout President Johnson th anybody is 


let 


© Беч 


rad 


likely to want to know (for instance, that 
he will gorge upon tapioca pud 
without 


ng if 


pitted), ing enough 


On the h 
and shortstory collections such as The 
Nephew, Malcolm and Color of Darkness, 


James Purdy has developed a formid- 
able coterie reputation as a black humor- 
is. In his new novel, Eustace Chisholm 
end the Works (Farrar, Straus & Giroux), it 
is easy to find the black, but the humor 
is all but nonexistent, It is doubtful if 
u all of its stylistic excel- 
lences—Purdy speaks in a tremendously 
controlled but intensely pitched literary 
voice—will gain him a wide readership. 
For what he presents here, grimly and 
relentlessly, is the tragic love story of 
two homosexuals, Amos is an Adonislike 
changeling child who can admit to his 
own gay yearnings. But Daniel h 
sleepwalking landlord, refuses to face 
the implications of his love for Amos. 
And so their world turns black. The set- 
ting of most of the story is the South 
Side of Chicago during the 1930s, but 
the mood and atmosphere are that of 
а vague nightmare—disconcerting, yet 
comfortably unreal. Daniel, enlisting in 
the Army in an attempt to repress his 
der [celings for Amos, becomes the 
plaything of a perverse captain who sadis 
tically tortures him to death. Meantime, 
though still pining for Daniel, Amos 
hires out his beauteous body to а rich 
drunk and comes to an untimely end. 
e Chisholm, a man engaged 
ng an epic poem on the margins of 
daily newspaper, enjoys the sad rela 
tionship vicariously, is somehow purged 
by it all and ends up ready to deal with 


maybe, by now, you couldn't care less. 


In Search of light (Knopf) is a collection 
of some of the kue Edward R, Mu 
row's 5000 eyewitness reports, documen- 
taries and "think pieces” from Hitler's 


John F. Kennedy. During those fre- 
quently perplexing years, the calm and 
sensible voice of Murrow was, more than 


any other, the of CBS News, 
which he served brilli at times 
with more vigor а than the 


network appreciated. It is not possible 
for a book to transmit Murrow's tone of 
confident modesty, but these selections 
cin and do recall the consistent right- 
headedness and humanity of the ma 
On the camaraderic of airvaid shelter 
“Maybe I'm wrong—I'm not a very good 
sociologist—but 1 can tell you this from 
personal experience, that sirens would 
mprove your knowledge of even your 
most intimate friend.” On Buchenwald: 
“I was told that this building had once 
stabled 80 horses. There were 1200 men. 


in it, five to a bunk. The stink was be. 
yond all description." On the House 
Un-American Activities Committee's in- 


n of communism 
This repo 
mater with rather 


the film 
т approaches the 
fresh memories of 


ndustr 


friends in Austria, Germany and Italy 
who either died or went into exile be. 
cause they refused to admit the right of 
their government to determine whar they 
should say, read, write or think." When 
Murrow told his listeners of the death of 
a colleague, George Polk, he could have 
been writing his own obituary: “Certain 
it is that you have lost one of the ablest, 
most couse geous report- 
ers who has ever served you.” In Scarch 
of Light brings Murrow and his events 
back again; the rebroadcast is worth 
catching. 


jous and cour 


What Every Nice Boy Knew About Sex 
(Bernard Geis) is a slender but crucial 
volume that separates the boys from the 
boys—the generation that has grown up 
on Kinsey's facts, Henry Miller's fanta- 
s and Harold Robbins’ fiction from 
that earlier generation [or whom sex was 
a mystery, replete with awful terrors and 
rumored joys. Author Sam Blum deftly, 
sympathetically and with nostalgic hu- 
mor re-creates the era of pre-World War 
"Two pubescence when every boy hope- 
fully secreted a condom in his wallet (re- 
placing it semiannually as it cracked and 
yellowed). knew that masturbation led to 
stunted growth and hairy palms and 
could identify a girl who had "done it" 
by the way she walked. To anyone un- 
der 30 or so, it may seem incredible that 
there was once really a time when boys 
searched the unabridged dictionary for 
forbidden words, eagerly hiked long dis- 
tances to see an undresed mannequin oi 
smirked at the offer of a horehound- 
flavored cough drop, Yet anyone over 30 
or so will have no trouble recognizing 
the sexual myths of his youth—that 
there w rl on the block who “did 
it” for everybody (but, oddly, never for 
anyone you knew) and that the most 
erogenous of zones were a girl's toes, 
palms and carlobes, Blum book is a 
merry meander among these epic half- 
sexual yesteryear, 


truths of oi 


Don Ashers first novel, The Piano 
Sport, published a year ago, told of the 
evolution of a funny and depressed East 
Coast boy, whose main cla 
ny resemblance to Dane Clark, 
1 Francisco piano player who is 
hip, funny I, depressed. But he 
no longer depends on looking like Dane 
Clark. Asher's new novel, Don't the Moon 
Look Lonesome (Atheneum), describes the 
sad and hilarious love affair of Jule: 
Roman. a dropout schoolteacher, and a 
ul brown girl singer and poet 
med Carmel Brown. She has a voice to 
Billie Holiday's; she has a soul to 
equal * ay": despite which she 
finds herself earning her living as the 
most ineflicient day-cleaning help in the 
West. She is hot-blooded—but for televi- 


to fame is 


and, we 


sion. She is gencrous—but always first to 
need help. She is frigid beyond her 
means. The cool gray questing city of 
‹ is explored with delicate 
n Asher's two novels. It's 
easy to see why Narrizano, direc- 
tor of Georgy Girl ing a movie 
of The Piano Sport—the mood of long- 
g and humor, the vivid sense of place. 
At the end of Don’t the Moon Look 
Lonesome. our hero returns to teaching, 
having lost everything he seemed to 
have wanted, without unthawing the 
lovely Carmel Brown. But he is not bit- 
ter. He is filled with hope and knowl- 


nell sorority girl And more has hap- 
pened. He has survived а nonintegrated 


North Beach barracks without losing the 
essential illusions or his life. The times 
are still sweet for Jules Roman, careless 
lover, futile cavalier. Someday Dane 
Ch may want to look like him. 


Donald Duncan was a member of our 
elite Special Forces in Vietnam who 
came out of the Army and blew his cool 
for Ramparts magazine. His articles col- 
ored the Green Berets nasty. Now, in 
this fragmentary autobiography, The New 
Legions (Random House), Duncan's first 
es, the best writing in the book, 
His team is sent into 
ng territory. Almost immediately 
it is spotted by the V.C. and tracked. 
From there it is all downhill for Special 
Forces. Duncan describes the making of 
a Green Beret, which is mostly dull ex- 
cept for a few disquieting revela 
instructor telling the recruits, 
iners may sometimes be essential for 
. When Duncan takes a job as 
‘ial Forces, he learns a 
bit more about his outfit. The captain in 
charge gives him specific instructions: 
"Don't send me any niggers. Be careful, 
however, not to give the impression that 
we are prejudiced in Special Forces. 

. Just ask yourself, "Would 1 want 

h n my team?" But it n the field 
that Du learns his final lessor 
tells of a team of advisors standi 
d watching their Victnamese all 
and kill women and children. 

One suspect is dragged out and a Vict- 
namese platoon le 
а knife, disembowels him and exti 
his gall bladder as a trophy. When 
American sergeant recoils in horror, 
superior officer few women 
id children get killed and a prisoner 
^d under tough shit, 
damned good lesson. . . . 
2. or at least helping them 
—same difference. You can't convert 
them, only kill "em. ald Duncan is 
neither a deep thinker nor a particularly 
good writer, but the man was there, he 
was one of them, he has something to 


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23 


PLAYBOY 


24 


say. The New Legions is a valid addition 
to the growing literature of a conscience- 


troubl 


ig episode in American histo 


Whatever anyone says about Donald 
Barhelme's Snow White (Athencum) is 
unlikely to be wrong, whether he man- 
ages to squeeze any sort of signi 
at of it or not. For, just as the flyh 
promises, it is "as contrary, as easily dis- 
tracted. as curious and troubled and 


comical 


Its comicality, though, 
the reader must dig for as- 
siduously before it can be dug, This 
short book is like a monolog half over- 
heard in a calé, delivered by one of 
those articulate talkers who belong 10 a 
certain kind of smoky half light and who 
are lost without it. They are enchanting 
to listen to, but what they say and the 
way they say it won't come out in print 
It seems to have been writen with a 
fingertip dipped in spilt coffee, making 
guilloches of cup rings and manying 
droplet to droplet on a tabletop. The 
story concerns a girl with many beauty 
spots, hair black as ebony and skin white 
as snow, who lives with seven men— 
, Kevin, Edward, Hubert, Henry. 
Clem and Dan—who make their 
washing buildings and manufacturing 
Chinese baby food. Among them, Snow 
White awaits the coming of her prince. 
Alb these whimsical personalities meld 
mistily and jar dreamily and impinge 
gravely but playfully. like Dodg'em cars 
in a ghostly carnival. Barthelme's writing 
is at once spare and prodigal. It is as if, 
having trimmed a carcass of prose to the 

n tlie name of artistic economy, he 
"Gully sctimshawed the bone for 
ike of novelty. He is a writer of tal 
but that floating stuff inside his 
crowded. head needs to be separated and 
fixed before it cam be communicated. 
With all Barthelme's. brilliance, Snow 
White remains an eversofaintly evoca- 
tive doodle, 


In the costume piece that was Victori- 
an England, where it was not uncommon 
for a bride to approach her wedding 
night with a note from Mummy implor- 
ing the bridegroom in the name of de- 
cency to do what he wanted but to get it 
quickly, Sir Richard Burton (I821— 
1890) was bold enough to explore the 
1 world of sex. Viewing sexual acts 
tural expressions rather than аз oc- 
casions for repression, he dedicated 
himself to translating all manner of in 
structional m I produced by cultures 
that re; ancient 
Rome, the Arabic wor hi 
linguist--Burion knew over 40 
languages amd dialects—he was also a 
polished littérateur, at home in both 
poctry and prose. His translations of the 
Kama Sutra and the Ananga Ranga, his 
Arabian Nights 


te 


gifted 


uncensored l his 


renditions of Catullus' poetry represented 
but one of the facets of a fascinating per 
sonality. Burton was also one of the 19th 
Century's great African explorers, a fine 
vel writer, a first-class swordsman, a 
t archae- 
hropologist and a highly 
skilled actor (no relation to his more 
famous namesake) and raconteur. Not 
surprisingly, there has been no shortage 
of books about him. But The Devil 
Drives (Norton) is as thorough and com- 
plete à single wo one could desire. 
One might carp about its lack of an i 
dex, but a more important criticism con- 
cerns author Fawn Brodie's handling of 
Burton's own sexuality—or alleged homo- 
sexuality. By pussyfooting until the last 
two chapters, she builds the question 
10 proportions beyond its worth, theri 
by making les of her subject. For the 
dark Freudian devil t drove Burton is 
not nearly as important as the enlighten- 
ment it drove him to seek. A taste of 
Burton's wideranging interests may be 
found in The Erotic Traveler (Putnam), hi 
account of some of the more bizarre sex- 
customs encountered in his travels. 


THEATER 


the collective ii 
theatrical 


Hallelujah, Baby 
tion of four previously prove 
talents—author Arthur Laurents, lyricists 
ety Comden and Adolph Green and 
composer Jule Styne—but it is no cause 
for jubilation. The evident intention was 
to write a musicalcomedy chronicle of 
the American Negro; the result is а com: 
pendium of colored dichés. The group 
show begins with somcone'sin-thekitchen 
and yassuh-nosuhs its way through Aunt 
Jemima, the shuffling Pullman’ porter, 
the watermelon-smiled. buck-and-wingers, 
the locomotive-thythmed reauits i 
all Negro regim 
Of Her Color. The jokes are on the level 
of "You're lucky, baby. On you a black 
eye don ." The focus of this Uncle 
"Tomfoolery is а Lena Horneish si 
played by Leslie Uggams. The gimmick is 
that she remains 25 throughout the show, 
though the scenes span а sketchy 60 
ıS, about 50 of which are in “the 
for her to 


y 


wrong place, the wrong time 
make it. Finally, in the middle of the 


second act, she gets to the 19505, 2 
the right time for the character and for 
the actress. Miss Uggams, allowed to shed 
the Topsy bit, belis out the title song, 
and it's Hallelujah, baby! twice over. In 
€ of her platitudinous role, Luscious 
п her first try on Broad- 
n Beck, 302 West 45th. 


nd it's 


sp 
Leslie is a star 
way. At the Mar 
Street. 


Like a phased-out middle class, off- 


Broadway has been disappearing, le 
ing only a ruling aristocracy—the slick 
commercial world of Broadway and 


the lower depths, the workshop nether 
world of coffechouses and church lofts 


known as off off Broadway. In T 
years, most productions off Broadway 
e been borderline (and basket) case 


foreign hits that almost made 
y showcases and, occasionally. 
hwhile revival. Suddenly this year, 
however, there has been a revival of olf- 
Broadway itself. The event of the season 
was America Hurrah, which introduced an 
important new playwright, Jean-Claude 
and brought to the comme 
cial world a taste of a new kind of Ameri 
can theater—free-form, unconventior 
nonrealistic and socially conscious. In 
the three one- that comprise the 
production, Van Hallie assails the mass 
market place of modern urbia, the telev 
sion fantasy world and the mechanical 
sterility of a motel-directed society. All 
e beautifully executed by an ensemble 
company directed by Joseph Chaikin 
and Jacques Levy, but it is the last play 
thar is the stunner, A short shock wave, 
it is performed by actors encased in huge, 
grotesque doll bodies, Robotlike, a couple 
mo an antiseptic motel room 
arefully dismembers it—chairs, bed, 
plumbing—and finally scrawls obsceni 
ties on the wall. As they act out the 

tual, a third nonperson, the motel- 
keeper, recites, like a liturgy, the pathetic 
catalog of emotions and possessions that 
is her lile. At the Pocket Theater, 100 
Third Avenue. 

Fortune and Men's Eyes is the first pro- 
duced play by a Canadian ex-convict 
med John Herbert and, as might be 
xpected, it takes place in a prison. 
Herbert's subject is homosexuality, the 
matter-of-fact acceptance of it as а prison 
way of life and the ease with which it 
corrupts the innocent, Herbert's hero 
begins like Billy Budd: but after the 
cell-block equivalent of fraternity haz- 
ig. he ends up as Jimmy Fagney. He is 
the boss of the block and can hit both 
. But his rise (or fall) is too pat, and 
the play falls apart in the last act as the 
author, writing hysterically, gropes for a 
statement, For the first half, however, it 
is a fascinating curio to watch. With a 
knowing eye for the incongruous, Не 
bert paints a funny and touching. if a 
bit overrouged, portrait of prison Camp. 
At the Actors Playhouse, 100 Seventh 
Av South 

Mon with a Load of Mischief is an oll 
Broadway off-operetia. Based on a flop. 
play of the 1920s by Ashley Dukes, the 
book (by Ben Tarver) is a complicated, 
creaky romance about a prince's mistress 
who flees to a wayside inn, where she is 
waylaid by а machinating lord and hi 
mysterious manservant, The plot could 
have been spoofed or, if played just 
right, it might have spoofed itself. In- 
stead, it is played, for the шом pan, 
straight and suill-backed, with lines such 
as "^ common singer who climbed 
s of fortune!” declaimed as 


Uptown. 


serious. But the score is another thing 
entirely. It is zesty, lush, wonderfully 
diverse. John Clifton, who collabor: 
on the Jvrics with Tarver, has w 
battery of tuneful walizes, 
minuets, two- and. four-p: 
scored them for pia 
cello, aud made sure that they're played 
and sung so that you ur and enjoy. 
AL the Provincetown юше, 133 
MacDougal Street. 
A comic snip is a comic мир, and 
don't wy to make an off Broadway play 
out of it—unles you have the taste, 
modesty and feeling for the original 
possessed by the inventors of You're a 
Good Man, Charlie Brown. Clark Gesner 
as composer and author (under the 
pseudonym John Gordon). has mot 
turned Lucy into a femme fatale or 
Charlie into a leading man, but has 
put the lile lady grouch and old 
wishy-washy right on stage—a stage 
bare except for large children's blocks— 
along with insecure Linus, introspective 
Schroeder and incredible Snoopy. He 
has given them Charles Schulz dis 
and neatly woven in some in-character 
songs. The actors, all adults, are tuned 
in to their characters; but Bill. Hiunant 
is a particular delight as the fantasizing 
pooch. Director Joseph Hardy  orches 
uates the entertainment in Фе key of 
i wlulging in neither whimsy 
nor archery but sticking strictly to his 
Peanuts. At Theater BO St. Marks, 80 St 
M s Place. 
MacBird is a cartoon of an entirely dif- 
ferent color—and odor. As nearly every 
one must know by now—it's һеси м 
everywhere Irom London to Los Angele 
is a deliberate wavesty 
an Outrageous Allront to Common De 
cency. But matters of аме are beside 
the point, MacBird must be approached 
on its own terms and not тот any 
preconception of what is allowable on 
stage and how closely one can impinge 
on recent memory. Barbara Garson has 


writen a wild olf Broadway comedy 
about the Kennedy as 
Lyndon Johnson's ascent to power 
dearly, the plot line charges Lyndon 
and Lady Bird with engineering J. F. К.У 
death, But the weakness of the play is 
БЕ: D: сые is Це рыш s | Meet the Rapido — Harley-Davidson's surprise package of the year. 105 125 cc's 
uzzyheaded thinking. Her play is a | of i 
ure excitement on a lightweight frame. 

self-indulgent term paper, not so much a | © Pure ightweight frame. And you're on top of the action all the 
show as a show-oll. She borrows Irom all | Way With anew four speed footshift. Add bold new styling and Harley-Davidson's 
Shakespeare, distorts lines (often to по | legendary craftsmanship and you've got nothing in front of you but the open 
comic effect), corrupts characters. when road. Come alive in a hurry! Your 
she feels like it, omits characters when Rapido 125 is ready and waiting. 
Get acquainted at your Harley- 
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* HARLEY. 
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ssination and 
and 


she feels like 
hly frivolous i 
ad her political 
said, it must be admiued that 
of MacBird, as presently produced, is 
ad bad ui ething li 
y joke extremely well told. It is 
«лоту who have the field day, par 
rly William Devane as Robert Ken 
O'Dunc (R.F.KJ and Stacy Keach as 


sor 


super 


PLAYBOY 


MacBird (L. B. JJ). Devane is a near look- 
alike for Bobby and can duplicate his 
voice precisely, but does it only once or 
twice to prove he can. Otherwise, his mali 
cious performance is one of gesture, 
flection, posture and intent. Keach is a 
wild, earthy, bravura 
4. who, in the playing, becomes a 
Shakespearean character of Falstaffian 
proportions. But the question remains: 
if he didn't already ех could Mrs. 
son have invented him? At the Vil- 
lage Gate, Bleecker and Thompson 
Streets. 


Michael McClure’s funny, touching, 
dirty and artistic play, The Beard, has 
been wandering about from one theater 
to another in San Francisco, getting 
busted by the fuzz, geuing cleared by 
the courts—and delighting the literati, 
the hippies and the tourists. The New 
York producer is gathering his courage 
and his lawyers about him to import the 
entire cast for an East Coast premiere of 
this internationally known underground 
play. The entire cast consists of Billy the 
Kid, played by pathetic, craven Richard 
Bright in modified leather-and-lace drag, 
and Jean Harlow, played by delicious 
blonde Billie Dixon as a sweet and sulky 
semi-Southern belle. Marc Estrin, who 
directed with great precision, hung the 
chins of both actors with paper frir 
beard to indicate that the two mythic 
figures are carrying on their courting 
someplace in limbo, in 

ightmare, in a hilarious midpoint be- 
tween a boudoir and a heaven. And also 
between the sexes. They bicker, they in- 
sult each other, they ble and medi 
tate about love and the meat of bodies i 
McClui theatrical marriage of Nabo- 
blessed by Ionesco, 
consecrated with a pint of Pinter. An ob- 
scene gesture is both affecting and 
sulting—and a commentary on the risks 
of communication. It may not be entirely 
serious, but its lun. It may not be en- 
rely fun, but it’s serious, The climax 
of the pla one bewildered San Fran- 
cisco critic wrote, "will go down on 
literary history." Thanks to the ely 
ritual created by MeClure, Estrin and 
those matched antagonists, the actors, 
The Beard makes a strong argument both 
for the “meat science”—cmuth through 
lust—and for the aesthetic value of a 
shocking experience. At the Encore, 422 
Mason Street, San Francisco, California, 


DINING-DRINKING 


Across the street as it is from the Fish- 
er Theater and ned as it is to sound 
like the logical place to go after the 
third-act curtain, Detroit's Ae Ww (2990 
West Grand Boulevard) might mislead 
the unacquainted to think it's just а spot 
for theatergoers who like their after- 


show drinks conveniently near at hand. 
П part of the plan. 
pleat supper club, one 


of the most clegant and gastronomically 
rewarding, in fact, within a long, long 
drive of Motor City. It’s just as handy 


for dinner before that pre-Broadway un- 
ng at the Fisher, of course, and pro- 
1 high-level entertainment 
for the unperipatetic. The seating is spa- 
ious, though it conveys an auri of 
-fashioned 
with antique mirrors all over the 
plush gold walls. The service is splendid: 
poised unobtrusively nearby while you 
examine the menu, the waiter steps up to 
take your order at the very moment you 
become ready to give it—a nice ESP 
touch. The menu is a Broadway produc- 
tion in itself, Mounted elaborately in 
three acts, it begins by presenting in Act 
I an amay of hors d'oeuvres and soups, 
including a lobster bisque fit for a com- 
mand performance. Act П gets to the 
meat of the meal—or the fish, if you 
wish—with a resplendent repertory of 
15 feature attractions and 47 other 
main-cou wrées accompanied by a 
superb supporting cast of salads, side 
dishes and  supernumeraries (spec 
uces and salad dressings). The c 
say the local cognoscenti, is equal to a 
in town; and if the succulent Pl 
D'Or (prime steak) for two, Veal ala Act 
IV (with crab meat), Irish Sea Prawns 
and enormous K. loin are reli 
examples, 


forward happy ending, or with somethi 
like French Fried Ice Cream Tia N 
for a yousing culinary curtain call. The 
floorshow usually headlines such solid 
stars as Mel Tormé, Fran Jeffries, Jackie 
Vernon, Phyllis McGuire, Jack E. Leon- 
ard and Irwin Corey. Open 11 A.M. to 
2 лм. weekdays, 4:30 to 2 A.M. 
turday. Closed Sunday 


RECORDINGS 


A soul singer par excellence is Aretha 
n. There are two current LP ex- 
ry craft: | Never 


Fr. 
amples of her extraordina 
Loved a Mon the Way I Love You (Atlantic) 
and Take It like You Give ! (Columbia). 
Of the two, the Atlantic recording has 
the edge in the elecwicity that’s generat- 
cd, possibly because it hews closer 10 the 


soul-gospel bag that Miss Franklin does 
so well; but the Columbia offering is a 
delight in its own right. 


"Fhere's no doubt about it: the Buddy 
Rich Big Band is loaded for bear. Buddy 
and the boys romp joyously on Big 
Swing Face (Pacific Jazz). The ensemble 
sounds. penned by such notable chart- 
ists as Bill Holman, Bill Potts, Shorty 
and Bob Florence, are crisp and 
the solos are vigorous and imagi- 


native and Rich's drumming is awesome. 
As an added filip, the LP features 
Buddy's 12-year-old daughter, Cathy, vo- 
calizing on The Beat Goes On and ac 
herself admirably. On роп Ellis 
t Monterey! (Pacific Jazz), 
the trumpeter, whose proclivitics in the 
ave been toward barely digestible 
модаға, has changed directions 
rd the coherent and come up with а 
inner. The band, with Don leading the 
wild thing but 
ciplined its forays into exotic and 
heretofore unexplored rhythms are some- 
thing to hear. 


lv dis 


Except at Osca е, songwi 
dom get the attention they deserve. 
Many of them, however, achieve a modi- 
cum of fame as interpreters of their own. 
inventions. Rod McKuen sings as we'd ex- 
pea а storyteller to. Anita Kerr provides 
the lush musical backdrops for Through 
European Windows (Victor) as the composer 
conveys a number of fine tales, including 
the title ballad, P'U Say Goodbye, Natha- 
lie and a surprisingly rocking Baby Be My 
Love. The most interesting aspects of 
Up, Up and Away (Soul City) by The 5th 
Dimension are the five songs and the ar- 
rangements of 20-yearold Jim Webb. 
Webb combines beautiful melodies with 
highly poetic lyrics—especially in the 
title tune, Rosecrans Blvd., Never Gonna 
Be the Same and Which Way to No 
where constructing an excellent 
scallokling for the folk-rock quintet to 
stand c 


Much more than electronic ping-pong 
is involved in the sound on Bress Impact 
mmand). Featuring а brass ch 
conducted by Warren Kime, the LP is 
musically exciting. Jack Andrews scor- 
ings employ onomatopoeic vocalizing by 
three girl singers and fine solo work by 
Phil Bodner. Among the items 
ly in tow are Mas Que Nada, 
Rigby and Baubles, Bangles 


Eleanor 
and Beads. 


The first four BluesWay releases have 
established ABC's new label as a contend- 


e eldom has the Muddy Waters Blues 
Band been recorded in as good form as 
On The Blues Is Where H 


With the definitive Chicago blues coi 
rocking behind him, Muddy's half broth- 
er, with soulful voice and piano, gets the 


most out of Popcorn Man, Brand New 
others, 


House and seven including 
Spann Blues, a sy mental. 
Blues Is King /B. B. King catches B. В. 
t a Chicago night club by his 
ted quintet, shouting the blues 
rides on 
Night Life, Don't Answer the Door and 
cight others. John Lee Hooker and 
my Reed are more rustic performers than 
ing or Spann. On Live at Café au Go-Go, 
the deep-voiced Hooker, spurred on by 


the Waters band, sings and talks his way = oem өх attico amrer сөе. EKELUSNVE u, 
through cight gutsy selections, including š 

РИ Never Get Out of These Blues Alive 
and Pm Bad like Jessie James; as he puts 
it, he's in soulsville. The New Jimmy Reed 
Album presents a revitalized Reed playing 
ltancous guitar and harmonica and 
g with authority а dozen slices of 
the blues. Z Wanna Know, Honey I'll 
Make Two and Tivo Ways to Skin a Cat 
are standouts, 


Richly rewarding is Baroque Brass 
(Victor), on which The New York Brass 
Quintet (Robert Nagel and n Dea 
; Paul In am, French horn; 

How, trombone; and Harvey 
Phillips, tuba) performs the works of 
Purcell, Bach, Monteverdi, Des Prés and 
others of that era. The period’s charm, 
elegance and grace have been captured 
by the group. whose playing is both 
spirited and sen 


2 Next time the 9-goal hotshot tells you your 
lumbis) is a clos offering төш а cs | Backhand is lousy, whip out your BAUER 
guy. The impeccable orchestrations are. | and put him down. On film. 


with two exceptions, by Dick Hazard and 
Robert Mersey, and the n 


worth vir el . And able а * 
worth their efforts. Andy's en Bauer C-2. World's most wanted super 8 camera, with 
t much more to the electric eye, spectacular 840mm Schneider 11.8 


equipment adds th 
likes of The Very Thought of You, Re- tea Sm ens oversize aerial type viewfinder, == 
7 "Y 3 ç, » 1S; eg features galore. Under 0°. Other cameras, projectors 
member and So Nice (Summer Samba) piper atu Hes 
Another splendid Williams collection is Allied Impex Corp., 300 Fark Ave. South, New York, | 


to be found on Born Free (Columbia) N.Y. 10010. 
Among the highlights: Music to Watch | You're one up with BAUER? The class name in super-8 movie me | 
Girls By, Spanish Eyes, Sunny and the = 1 


beautiful 7 Want 10 Be Free. (C 
ен t h e creat 
served up by Eydie Gormé on Softly, As 
1 Leave You (Columbia). It includes some 
eee ge eee, de ee wrap aroun 
the business—Glad to Be Unhappy, 
Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye, Don't i ! i 
Worry "Bout Me and What's Good About нп! онну 
Goodbye? Miss Gormé carries а torch in cotton terry clot! 
grand style. makes great wrappings 
post pool, shower or 
sauna. For playboys: 
anew kick called the 
bath kilt. One size fits 
all. For playmates: our 
svelte bath sari in S, M, 
L sizes. Snugly secured 
by side buttons. Each 
in convenient carrying- 
case. Clever "His" and 


The lyrical tenor sax of Zoot Sims. 
abetted by Cary MeFarland-charted. 
strings, soars serenely on Waiting Gome 
(Impulse!) Zoot even takes а vocal turn 
on September Song, but most of the time 
he rightly lets his horn do the communi- 
cating. Г Wish I Knew, Over the Rain- 
bow, Stella by Starlight and а handful of 


others are handled with care. 


Shel Silverstein, rrAvaov's peripatetic 
Jackofalltrades, has waxed another 


dozen of his own consummate if some- “Hers” gift thinking: 
what cacophonous compositions on Drain MM326, kilt, $5 ppd; 
My Brain (Cadet). T'roubadorable Shel, this i 

time backed by an anonymous but first i MM327, sari, $6 ppd. 
rate country band and sounding a Jot like Shall we enclose a gift card in 


Louis Armstrong with a sore throa your name? Send check or money 


braves his way through such tender bal- order to: PLAYBOY PRODUI 
sas The Floobie Doobie Doo, The men: rl ae а m. 
y Bear and the lilting title tune. RE EE msy charan io рүе 
E Tha: 


PLAYBOY 


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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Bm а good-looking young secretary in 
love with a middle-aged, married man. I 
met him last year at my company's 
Christmas party (he was a new dient) 
and since then we've seen each other 
steadily. He is 19 years my senior, suc- 
cessful in business and has three chil- 
dren. He says he plans to divorce his 
wife and marry me, but he keeps insist- 
ing it “takes time.” 1 know that a divorce 
would hurt his business career. Should I 
w for him or по——Мї B. P., Akron, 
Ohio. 

You'd be better off waiting for Godot— 
who at least isn't lied down by wife, kids 
and business. That, incidentally, is what 
your friend appears to be giving you: the 
business. 


ММ... watching some motorcycle races 
on television, 1 commented that 1 d 
once seen a race in which the cycles 
didn’t have any brakes. Well, this started 
a heated discussion about brakes on rac- 
ing motorcycles. Was I righ?—G. K., 
Carbondale, Illinois. 

Yes. For sajety's sake, motorcycle races 
sans brakes are quite common in the 
big-bore, one-half-mile  flat-track oval 
circuit. When cyclists go into the oval 
turns well leaned over, а sudden stomp 
on the brakes could throw the bike into 
a dangerous skid. To slow down, racers 
simply cut back on the throttle. 


N have a very happy marriage, with a 
lovely wife and a child we both adore, 
but the following problems—that have 
existed since before our wedding day— 
ave beginning w bug me seriously: (1) 
wile is 


reluctant 
anything other than what the Trobi 
Islanders call “ч nary posit 
repellent to her. (2) Although occasio 
sionate, at other times she seems to 
es to break off our lovemaking: 
ise"; "Ouch, 
body's com- 


to experiment; 
nd 


seck exci 


“The baby is m 
you're hurting m 
ing" (but it’s rarely her)—making the 
x act a rocky road for both of us. 
Frankly. getting in the sack with her is 
ike having a 17-year-old virgin most of 
the time. E know some guys dig this, but 
I don't. Don't tell me to leave her, be- 
cause she is perfect in every other way. 
Your suggestions?—D. C. Honolulu, 
Hawaii. 

As long as you have а happy marriage 
in other respects, and as long as your 
wife has a fundamentally healthy sexual 
appetite, we'd recommend your taking 
the optimists view, that your glass is 
half full, rather than the pessimist's, that 
it's half empty. Begin by being frank 


about your discomfort; ask for her co- 
operation and see that she can give it 
without fear of distraction. Farm the 
baby out for an afternoon, take the tele- 
phone off the hook or go to a motel and 
double-lock the door. Proceed slowly and 
try not to be easily discouraged; she had 
a lifetime to develop her inhibitions be- 
fore she met you, and she won't unlearn 
them overnight. 


A: a garden party last weekend, the 
hostess served 
tion that tasted suspiciously like Irish cof 
fee. 1 think she called it a “cold Iri 
Can you supply the recipe?—C, K., Buf- 
lo, New York 

Straight from our own "Playboy Gour- 
met": Cold Irish is a summer version of 
Trish coffee and, like its winter counter- 
part, is served with a whipped-crcam 
topping prepared beforehand. To make 
the topping for 4 drinks, ри! Vs cup 
heavy sweet cream in a mixing bowl 
and beat with a rotary egg beater until 
the cream is nearly stiff. Add 2 table- 
spoons sugar and beat until the cream is 
fom. Then fold m, without beating, 4 
teaspoons crème de cacao. For each 
drink, pour into the glass 1/4 ozs. Irish 
whiskey and 2 teaspoons Irish Mist li- 
queur. Add 1 large ice cube. Fill glass to 
within an inch of the top with ice-cold 
coffee Stir, Place the whipped- 
cream topping on the drink. 


soda. 


Wich initial is proper on si 
initialed tie clasps, cuff links, etc—the 
first letter of the first name or the first 
letter of the last name?—G. C, Boston, 
Massachusetts. 

The first letter of the last name. 


nd Tare to be married very 
en't begun to share 
riment vet, but he visits me every e 
ning without spending the night. Here's 
my problem: We get along beautifully. 
but 1 can't get enough of him sexually. 1 
seem to want sex all the time. We have 
ercourse four or five nights a wee 
once or twice per night, which satisfies 
а but leaves me yearning а 
parts. I seem to want more the m 


ter he de 
pute he 
ormal?. 


steps out the door. Am 1 а 
Miss М. J., Chicago, Ilinois. 

You sound OK 10 us. Most likely your 
idea that you want sex “all the time" isa 
delusion, inspired. by the fact that it is 
not available all the time. The tip-off in 
your letter is that the “yearnings” occur 
after your fiancé departs, These are prob- 
ably related. to your just wanting him 
there, perhaps chatting with you, or join- 
ing you in a nightcap, or holding you 


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29 


PLAYBOY 


30 


affectionately before you doze off. These 
little touches are usually as essential to 
complete satisfaction—espectally for а 
woman—as the sex act itself. So don't con 
sider yourself “abnormal” until the two 
of you have lived together and had the 
opportunity to work out a sexual balance 
that satisfies your emotional as well as 
your physical needs. 


Even Big-Time 
Spenders Must 


W have read that in Nevada casinos the 
betting on blackjack is done belore the 
first card is received. 15 this truez—D. R., 
Des Moines, Iowa. 

Although rules vary, the answer is yes 
in most Nevada casinos, When certain 
cards are dealt, however, some clubs 
offer players the usual post-bet options to 
increase the stakes if they so choose. 
These include the opportunity to: (1) 
place a side bet up to one half the 
amount of the original (called “insur 
ance”) whenever the dealer has an ace 


With Budget 
Rent-A-Car System 


showing, thus betting on the chance that 
he has a blackjack; (2) split up a pair 
(providing they're the first two cards 
dealt), playing and covering each pair as 
a separate hand; (3) double the bet 
when the first two cards dealt total 11 (in 
some casinos 10 or 11), while limiting 
the draw to only onc card. 


Or problem is one that I'm sure must 
be shared by many other young couples, 
married or unmarried. Too often whe 
Im working up to some bed sport with a 
terrupted by visits from 
friends. 1 certainly don't want to hang a 
sign on the door of my pad saying, po 
NOT DISTURE, and am not the type to run 
around saying, "Hey, don't come by to- 
night, because . . ." But I'd Jove to find 
а way to be sure a whole evening was 
going to be undisturbed —D. H., At 
lanta, Georg; 

Since you don't want to tell the posst- 
ble intruders outright that you're going 
to be busy—which you should be able to 
do with your close friends—we suggest 
that you take the lead in introducing 
your circle of acquaintances to what is 
only normal social practice; namely, а 
phone call before any spur-of-the-moment 
social visit, 


AAS « jazz and folk-music buff, T have a 
large record and tape collection, One 
thing bothers me about my records: 
When I listen to them at high volume, 1 
can faintly hear the opening notes just 
before each song starts. How come2— 
B. B., Bellevue, Washington. 

You're bugged with what's known as 
pregroove echo or ghosting. H occum 
when the sounds on a groove bleed 
through into the preceding soundless 
In the last few years, most major 
record companies have eliminated this 
irksome quirk by using a variable 
groove-culling machine. This instrument 


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automatically spaces any groove that im- 
mediately follows one that is silent (or 
where there is a significant pause in the 
music) a fraction farther away, thus 
building a slightly thicker—and more 
soundproof—wall between the à 
Since this equipment is costly, 


recording companies—many of which 
specialize in jazz and folk dises—still 
utilize out-of-date apparatus. When play- 
ing these platters, either cut the volume 
slightly or try to ignore the unwelcome 
sound. 


A mile friend of mine claims that if 
someone has never been told in de 
read anything about sex, that perso 
not be able to make love properly. Won't 
person?—Miss D. V., 


instinct guide such 


" means 


more than just a crude coupling—which 
is probably the most that could be ex- 
pected of the completely ignorant individ- 
ual you describe (assuming that person's 
partner is equally ignorant). It implies, 
among other things, the achievement of 
orgasm on the part of the female. This 
requires learned skills—awhich а large 
percentage of the male population fails 
10 master in a lifetime. In sex, as in 
many other human activities, ignorance 
is anything but bliss. 


Since arivir ncisco, 1 have 
been dating two girls who have also re- 
cently arrived from my home town. The 
three of us grew up together and have 
always been good friends. Jan is fun to be 
with, while Elaine and I are especially 
fond of each other. Next month the girls 
roommate will be giving up her share in 
their apartment. and both Elaine and Jan 
have hinted that I should move into the 
extra bedroom. 1 like the idea, but I'm 
not quite sure how to handle the situa- 
ion. Asa trio, we hit it off very well. But I 
wouldn't want to come right out and ask 
them if they meant it, only to discover 
it was all a misunderstanding, In chat case, 
the girls might actually be appalled at the 
suggestion, and 1 would " 
our entire relationship. I realize this situ; 
tion is but th 
why I'm writing to you for advice. How 
do sou suggest | proceed?—M. K. San 
Francisco, California. 

Having two female roommates may 
sound idyllic but could quickly prove to 
be idiotic—especially if your thiee-sided 
relationship is so shaky that even the 
thought of such an arrangement might 
shatter й. Make your own pad, else- 
where, where Jan, Elaine or any other 
girl can join you at your invitation and 
your discretion. 


sk jcopardiz 


rather unusual one, ts 


Bam an agnostic who grew up in a very 
conservative religious atmosphere. Con- 
sequently, I am occasionally a guest in 


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31 


PLAYBOY 


32 


Fortrel in Mr. Hicks Casuals 
makes you glad the old days are gone 


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Fortrel in them. In Grandpa's day, that smooth combination of Fortrel 
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homes where it is customary to grace 
before the meal. As а visitor. Em quite 
ofien asked to lead the table in prayer, 
but I feel that I shouldn't do so, as it vio- 
lates my principles and makes а mockery 
of the others’ beliefs. How can I excuse 
myself without offending my hosts?— 
T. K, Washington. D. C, 

Gracefully decline the invitation by 
requesting that the host do the honors, 
or repent a nonsectarian phrase that is 
not a prayer—such as Ophelia's affirma- 
tion in “Hamlet”: “God be at your 
table.” 


Wan planning to buy a briar pipe with a 
meerschaum lining. How should 1 break 
iti A. S., Los Angeles, California. 

Break in your meerschaum-lined briar 
the same way you would any briar pipe: 
Pack the bowl half full and smoke right 
down to the bottom, After a dozen or 
so smokes, your pipe should be fully 
broken in. 


Fo 


ars ago, just after 1 was gradu- 
ted fr ad in 
mental institution as a ward of the court. 
This was the result of paranoid conllict 
with a dean. After my release, I had 
to visit a psychiatrist for a year. The 
problems I had then mo longer exist: 
my life is a prety normal one and T 
have long since been released by the 
court. I'm dating various girls and so far 
there has been no occision 10 mention 
my hospitalization, But what about the 
girl 1 decide I want to marry? Should 1 
tell her before or after we're engaged, or 
before or after we're married—or not at 
U's not likely to come to light other- 
since the few people who know 


m college, 1 was hos 


wi 


about it are very closemonthed. If 1 do 
speak of it, should T be casual or give 
the full serious treatment? —B.. E., Spo- 
kane, Washington. 

Your future wife will have a right to 
know—and should know—about this 
episode in your life. No matter how 
casually you have come to regard your 
past illness, discuss the subject with her 
seriously and at length before becoming 
engaged. If she’s the right girl, she'll be 
impressed by this honest display of self- 
confidence, and she'll. respect you for 
having shared the knowledge with her 
prior to any binding commitment 


101 reasonable questions—from. fash- 
ion, food and drink, hi-fi and sports cars 
10 dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette 
will be personally answered. if the 
writer includes a stamped, self-addressed 
envelope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Mich 
igan Ave., Chicago, Hlinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages each month 


PLAYBOY’S INTERNATIONAL DATEBOOK 
BY PATRICK CHASE 


the verdant 350-milelong, 
shaped archway to western Eu- 
will come imo its own this fall as 
ternational set's Continental head. 
quarters. The v as simple as 
they are spectacular: Portugal's i 

ingly cosmopolitan capital. 
become one of the world's great pleasure 
the па wumnal climate 
їз as Europe's warm id 
beaches along Portugal's 
western and southern coasts are quickly 
being dotted with luxury hotels. Add the 
fact that Portugal is still off the well- 

n trail of the tour pac 
traction for knowledgeable travelers is 
asy to understand. 

Among the world’s best-known G 
als, Lisbon is one of the least crowded 
fewer (han a million Portuguese live 
there. Like most Latin cities, Lisbon 
gives its reside: of open 
space; the metropolis is studded with 
parks and ies have always 
been ed by flowers, and ubiqui- 
tous bouquet vendors do the bulk of their 
Ming to strolling couples. 
Should you encounter а shapely senhorita 
while walking through the lush green- 
Ч of Parque Eduardo VII, take h 
for an afternoon adventure: a tour of Lis- 
bon's casbah, the Alfama. Alfama entre- 
preneurs sell handic ad, li 
Imost everything else one can imagine; 
but perhaps the best buys are reserved 
for those who frequent the 
wineshops. Portugal's two great wines 
remain unmatched and unchall 
port (from the northern city of Oporto) 
deira (from the Portuguese owned 
ds of the same name). 

At dusk, you'll hear the soft, sad 
sounds of the fado rising from casbah 
. Portugal's most revered and popu- 
Jar musical form, the fado is a song of 
love thwarted by irony and tragedy. In 
the Alfama, accompany your new-found 
friend 10 the fado [ounts of Nau 
Cauineta and Pareirinha or to the 
Adega do Machado, where waitresses 
turn facistagens. 

In downtown. Lisbon, evening action 
begins at Rossio Square, packed with 

ıd cafés, Dining will be a 

e, for leading Lisbon res- 


reasons 


Lisbon, has 


business 


nd 


the best of. Portugal's gastronomic gifts 
from the sea: santola (crab), mexilhões 
(mussels), améijoas (small clams) and 
polvo (octopus). The Portuguese 
nicknamed their national seatood dis 
dried cod—fiel amigo (faithful friend) 
and supposedly have dreamed up 365 
different ways to prepare it. 

Lisbon's jet setters live, appropriately 


district, a duster of luxury high 
apartment houses, smart dress shops 
cocktail lounges where Lisbon's young 


well-heeled, well-mannered traveler will 
find a ready welcon 
Just 15 miles west of town, you'll w 


nt 


to stop in at Estoril, one of the world's 
great, glittering resorts. Exiled European 
royalty has been idyllically idling here 


Tor centuries, and you'll still discov 
discreetly outraged pretenders to seve 


al 
thrones in attendance at Extoril's palm- 


lined beach or living the good life in the 
nd manor known as the Estoril Palacio 
‘Hotel, The whole town seems to adjourn 
t night to the casino, where, for a few 
escudos, vow can gamble amidst the 
Bondian ambiance. 

A few minutes’ drive west is Cascais, 
which plays Cannes to Estoril’s Monaco. 
While serenity reigns in Estoril, sw 
informality is Cascais’ order of the d 

nd night. Mornings and early afternoons 


goers parading along Casc 
Evenings will find femini ions 
more than receptive in the afterglow of 
dinner at the elegant Estoril-Sol Hotel 
and the floorshow staged at the P: 


m Lisbon, les than an hours flight 
board a Transportes Aercos Portuguese 
jet whisks you to Portugal's Mediterra- 
neanlike southernmost province, the Al- 
Barve, arold modern 
airport, acts as the center point of the 
Algarve’s 85-milewide southern strip. 
West of Faro is the Barlavento coast; 
east, the Sotavento coast 

In the past y 


jor construction 
has been going on along both seashores. 
The Penina Golf Hotel, near the fishing 
port of Port of the provinces 
most lavish caravansivies. A year-round 
resort perched on an oceanside promon- 
. the hotel is linked by private cable 
to the beach below. Also along the 
western coast, the art colony of Albu- 
feira is always packed with attractive 
palene pleasers, most of whom will be 
riered at the regal Hotel Sol е Mar. 
Faro, several spots along the 
Sotavento coast are angler’s delights, At 
the village of Olhšo, you can charter 
battle giant tuna. At Monte 
Gordo, another big-game fisherman's (ind, 
put up at the Hotel Vasco da Gama. This 
reeling tour of the Algarve should prove 
nd up your autumn 


. is On 


trip to Portugal. 
For further information write to Playboy 


Reader Service, Playboy Building, 919 
N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Hl. 60611. 


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THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


an interchange of ideas between reader and editor 
on subjects raised by “the playboy philosophy” 


ABORTION: NORTH CAROLINA 

North Carolina s amended abortion 
law has been ratified and signed imo 
elea. dp payed (he Senate (50 mem- 
hers) with only one dissenting vote. The 
Howse passed it by a greater than two: 
погоне majority 

This law provides dun an abortion is 
permissible il a licensed досто can estab- 


Fish that there is grave danger 10 dh 
lile or health of the mother, or that there 
is substantial risk char the child would 


1 or mental 


be born with grave phy 
defect or that the nev resulted 
from rape or incest. The mother must 
give written permission for the abortion 
he must have been a resident of the 
state of North Carolina for four months 
prior to the operation, unless there is an 
emergency in which her lile is in danger. 
The circumstances requiring the abor- 
tion must be certified by three doctors, 
including the docor perlorming the 
operation. 

The origi 


al law that our new legisla- 
tion amends was passed in 1881. I pre- 
dict that (his new law will be liberalized 
in the next 20 years and that within the 


next 100 years sociery will require a per- 


before a woman Gar bear a child. 
This augurs well for the human тас 
Arthur H. Jones 

House of. Representatives 
Raleigh, North. Carolina 


ABORTION: COLORADO 

I would like to call everyone's anen- 
n to the progressive new abortion law 
Colorado. The law provides that a 
be performed when a (hr 
doctor board а 


"sby 


sult in the n 


physical or mer 
the child wonld y 
perm: 


Impairment; that 
be born “with 
physical dete 
°: that the preg- 
nancy resulted hom forcible rape or 
incest and no more than 16 weeks of 
gestation had pased: or that the preg 
nancy occured in a girl under 16 
through statutory rape or incest. 
Tam proud (o be a resident of the 
dynamic sate of Colorad 
L/Cpl. John F. Wear H. USMC 
Camp Pendleton, California 


ity 


соп in the May Playboy 
Forum that readers write to their stare 
legislators in behalf. of abortion reform 


was cenainly a constructive one. Now 
Colorado has passed a progressive abor- 
tion law. 1 woukl like то think that 
The Playboy Forum helped make this 
a reality. 


John Caligaris 
Canon City, Colorado 


ABORTION: RHODE ISLAND 
Phe lener dealing with the abortion 
ttoversy in your May Playboy Forum 
to me as à mem 


€ ol much intere 
ber of a legisla jy that at the 
present time is considering abortion-law 
reform and has already held one public 
hearing 
| am in sympathy with abortion if the 
subject presents herself 10 three or more 
licensed. physicians. for approval. i 
operation is performed by another physi 
jan not а member of the original group 
and if the operation takes place in a 
hospital authorized by the A.M. A. Lam 
particularly concerned (hat abortion be 
allowed in cases of rape or incest. The 
mam Opposition io the Rhode Island 
abortion bill comes fom the Roman 
Catholic Church. he this sate. about 65 
percent of the registered voters are 
Roman Catholics. IF this bill could be 
and passed subject 
to voters’ approval. D family believe it 


e be 


the 


brought to the По 


would stand a good chance of 
sige. But many in my pany 
Catholic faith (of which I am а member) 
disagree with me. Thus, the bill will 
probably die before it gets to the Moor, 
a victim of politic dience, 

Charles P. Kelley 

House of Representatives 

Providence, Rhode Island 


ral pas 
«d ol the 


ABORTION: NEVADA 


in the Nevada legislature, The 
bill received. overwhelming support in 
the Assembly Bur in 
the Nevada Sei i 
opposition inspired by the Ron 
lic Church and was ultimately dele 
on a rollcall vore in the upper house. 
Although the passage of (his legisla 
tion would have served to give sound 
medical treatment to those who qualified 
under its stricto requirements, й was 
tagged by the press as “liberalization of 
abortion.” In reality, it would have tight 
ened up our present archaic aborti 


с! 


PLAYBOY 
INTERVIEWS 


Sixteen bold, bracing dialogues between 
PLAYBOY and Richard Burton, Martin 
Luther King, Frank Sinatra, Robert Shel- 
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Ralph Ginzburg, Vladimir Nabokov, the 
Beatles, Jean-Paul Sartre, Art Buchwald, 
lan Fleming and Timothy Leary. 

A candid and controversial book. Photo: 
graphs, hard cover, 416 pages. $5.95. 
At your favorite bookstore, or 

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Chicago, Illinois 60611 


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PLAYBOY 


36 


law. One Catholic newspaper went so 
as to print a libelous cartoon de- 
picting à prominent local obstetrician 
dropp: nfant imo a garbage can 
labeled cecatizen MURDER. This brought 
en from Catholic 


protests 


ny event, the unwritten prohibi- 
scussion of this subject has 
been weakened and a certain community 
enlightenment has been the result. 
Howard F. McKisick, Jr. 
Nevada Legislature 
Carson City, Nevada 


ABORTION: WISCONSIN 

Assemblyman Lloyd A. Barbee has in- 
troduced into (he Wisconsin state le 
ature а bill to legalize abortion. Tt is 
more liberal than the recently passed 
Colorado law insofar ay the consent of 
only one doctor is required, whereas the 
Colo requires the coment of 
three. Barbee said that when he inro- 
duced a similar bill two years ago, 
"People snickered and were shocked. 
‘This time it went in without a murmur." 

‘The ейог of тт.лувоу and organiza- 
ns such as the Wisconsin Coi 
to Legalize Abortion have brought 
this change in the climate of public 


ado law 


Ronald Bornick 
Milwaukee, Wisconsin 


ABORTION: INDIANA 

Legislation liberalizing Indiana's out- 
dated abortion law was recently passed 
by both houses of the General Assembly, 
only to be vetoed by Governor Branigin. 
I don't know why he chose to strike this 
blow against a sane abortion law, but it 
was, of course, his legal prerogative to do 
1 intend to exercise a legal preromg 
of my own at the next election. 


E 


ABORTION: NEW YORK 

The New York State abortion-reform 
bill was killed in committe could 
have been expected, due to opposition 
by Roman Cathol hops. What was 
not expected by most of us, however, 
was the delection of prominent 
Catholic laymen, who urged the legisla- 
ture to ignore Church presure and act 
on their own conscientes. According to 
The New York Times, the 35 laymen 
wrote to the legislator cpisluting: mo 
йу has always been a fruitless and 
and we, as Catholics, know 
t is gained through such 


wrong act 
that no n 
compu! 


jon. 


Charles Atherton 
New York, New York 


ABORTIOI 


: ILLINOIS 


an action group to work for repeal of the 
m portion law. We are particularly 


interested in a bill pending before the 
Assembly (hat would 
ission to study the 
ng lo abortion 
We believe that the ultimate decision 
regarding abortion should rest with the 
pregnant woman and her physician and 
that to construe abortion performed by a 
duly licensed physician as a crime inter- 
feres with the physici 
tice medicine 
medical care. 
concerning abor 
licensed physic 


te a spec 


te penal code re 


We 


that all laws 
ion performed by a duly 


wee 


n be repealed, that 

abortion be governed Dy the general 

laws regulating medical licensing and 

practice and that abortion remain a 

crime if performed by a person not duly 

ensed to practice. medicine 
Barbara Kahn 
Illinois Citizens for the Medical 

Control of Abortion 

Chicago, Illinois 


ABORTION: MARYLAND 

1 was опе of the legislators in the 
Maryland General Assembly who vigor- 
ously opposed the recent attempt to 
liberalize our present abortion law. E 
happen to believe that the unborn child 
is entitled to certain rights—fun 
tally, to the right to life. 

Most of the proposed bills to liberal 
abortion in the U.S. state that the abor 
tion may be performed after the consul- 
tation and approval of one or more 
physicians. Too much re n be 


laced on medical prog ions. As 
Norman St. John-Sresas po 

Catholic magazine Commonweal, 
reliance “presupposes that one human 
being can make a judgment about an- 


other as to whether that other's life is 
worth living, . . . It confers a license 10 
kill with no clear limiting 


terms.” 

In the same article, Mr. St. John Stevas 
says. “It is not merely the question of 
ights 
of the fenis as well and the general 
interest of society in preserving respect 
for the principle of the sanctity of 1 
fetus is not just a piece of w 
be disposed of at w 
but а potent 
such is wo 


hy of some respect... It 
rise up in the womb and declare, 


nt to live.’ The law therefor 
es to speak on its beh: 
and social problems per 
ular subject o 
be handled constructively, 
abortion, which isa neg 
Gerald J. Curran 
House of Delegates 
Annapolis, Maryland 


mental 


In the 1967 session of the Maryland 
;eneral Assembly, I introduced a bill 10 
liberalize Maryland's abortion law. The 
bill permits abortion if it is performed in 
an accredited hospital and if the phys 


ciam and a specialist in the field who 
indicated the necessity Гог therapeutic 
bortion agree that the operation is nec 
суну 10 preserve the physical or mental 
health of the mother or if the fetus is 
dead. After extensive hearings, the bill 
passed committee by an 18102. voie It 
passed the House of Delegates by а 75. 
10-61 vote and went on to the Maryland 
nate. where it was defeated 26 (o 17 
the last day of the session. | expect to 
reintroduce the bill in the next session of 
the Maryland legislature, with very little 
modification 

If one were to spend some time in 
hospital emergency wards provided [or 


the financially unfortunate, one would 
be shocked to realize the number of 
пеш abo t lead ro serious 


injury or death. The sa ag of public 

revealed in the letters 1 received 
d the many expres 
fier it was de 
feated have strengthened my resolve to 


s of disappointment 


ue to pursue the passage of a bill 

ize Maryland's abortion. law 
Allen B. Spector 
House of Delegates 
Annapolis, Maryland 


ABORTION: A CASE HISTORY 

Three years ago | became pregnant. 
The boy and I didn't lı other and 
weren't ready to settle down. I had one 
year of high school left. 1 carried the 
baby lor three months, unable to decide 
what (o do, Finally, I told my moth 
She and my father were at first furious 
"Then they decided that our social stand 
ig required that T have an abortion, so 
that по опе would know of my dise: 

So, in August of 1964, at midnight, 1 
had a 
fron 


се, 


bortion performed in а town far 
doctor my 
dad had found out about, I was given a 
anesthetic and didn't wake up until the 
nest day. at my p 1 sulfered 
from the operation for two weeks—not 
only from physical pain but ako from 
feelings of guilt. 1 couldn't look 
ents straight in the eye: and after thre 
years, I'm still uncomfortable around 
them and still very much ashamed. They 
sent me to a classy college after high 
school, but I dropped out. 

I wonder now if the right thing w 
done. My husband (not the father of tl 
baby) and 1 have been married а year, 
and how impossible for me to be 
come pregnant. I've never told him of 
the nightmare of August 1964. 1 die ii 
side every time I see a baby in its moth 
ers arms. Pm so ashamed, because the 
baby inside me couldn't help that it 
there. Please print this so other girls will 

ke the sa istake I did. 


our home by a st 


rents’ home. 


y par- 


as 


withheld by request) 

Your letter draws a revealing picture 
of your parents. You were afraid to speak 
to them about your problem until you 


had carried the baby past the period 
during which an abortion would have 
been safest. Their reaction, when you did 
tell them, w 
ing bul anger, shame and concern for 
their social status. And even today the 
Mill manage, by the feelings they com- 
municale or by what they jail to com- 
municale, to make you ferl ashamed in 
their presence. Your letter is also an 
indictment of a society in which а high 
school girl cannot have this operation 
performed by a doctor of her choice ina 
proper hospital but must undergo it 
illegally, furtively and under unsafe con- 
ditions—a situation calculated not only 
to do physical damage but also to leave 
an emotional scar such as yours. Your let- 
ter cally for our sympathy. H is our hop 
that a general increase of openness and 
honesty about sex, more adequate se; 
education for teenagers—and their. par- 
ems—and a liberalization of abortion 
laws will spare other girls from experi- 
ences such as 


is not love and understand- 


yours. 


ABORTION: DOCTORS' VIEW 
Modern. Medicine, a professional 


ag 
ine for doctors, recently conducted a 
ationwide poll of practicing. physici 
to learn their views on present st 
abortion laws. OF the 40.080 doctors 
wha responded, 86.9 percent were in fa- 
izing abortion laws. Asked 

ics un- 
der which abortion should be legal, 
majority of the doctors favored. legali, 
abortion for any of the following r 
: substantial risk of maternal death; 
pregnancy alter rape or incest; direct, 
positive evidence of fetal abnor 
Мим! isk ı0 maternal pl 


health: powibility of fetal abnor 
(rubella exposure, Rh incomp у 
inheritable disorders); substantial risk to 


pal mental health; and subst 
risk of maternal 
enough, since the most dei 
organized opposition 10 liberalized a 
tion laws is carried on by the Roman 
halic Church, 49.1 percent ol the 
dodom who identified | themselves 
Roman Catholic were in favor ol more 
liberal laws. Clearly, the Church. is not 
geuing unanimous support hom its 
members on this issu 

Clearly, 100, a majority of the nation’s 
physicians is im favor of liberalizing 
abortion laws. With the exception of the 
pregnant women themselves, I can't 
think of any group whose opinion should 
Gury more weight, 


suicide. Interes 


mined. and 


bor- 


Hany Clark 
Cleveland, Ohio 


CONTRACEPTION AND ABORTION 

One of the most compelling argu- 
ments for legalized abortion can be put 
imo a single sentence: Cancer doesn't 
Kill as many people as hunger. The most 
ninent threat to modern civilization is, 


in fact, its own size. The United States 
alone will have a population of approxi- 
mately 100,000,000 with alf ce 
"he populations of both Latin 
and Asia will more than double. С 
ly. contraception should be empl 
limit human numbers; but even 
700,000,000 women of child-bearing age 
in the world used contraceptives, under 
the direction of the family physician, 
there could still be approximately 
5,000,000. unplanned pregnancies each 


year, due to human error and. manufac 
turing irregularities. To force these 
women to bear unwanted children, while 


starvation is increasing everywhere, would 
be the aame of moralistic blindness 
The reason that human population 
growth is skyrocketing so alarmingly 
is, ironically, because of the uiumphs ol 
e. For the first time in 
human history, the birth rate significantly 
exceeds the death rate. The paradox of 


moder cdi, 


this is illustr 


ed by the case of India. 
15 India food to 
end the starvation there; the death rate 
thereupon drops, but the birth rate 
the result is that India then has 
iot less, st: 


The United States sei 


doesn 


ation, One economist 


dollar sp 
for India, the return 
ble to S100 


n 


n wellare 
worth of food. 
In all seriousness, I say to every young 
man entering m l 
your efforts toward birth control, and you 
will do more good for humanity than you 
could ny other area. of medicine. 
Nevertheless, no birth-control progr 
is really sane without abortion as úd 
lailsate check behind contraception, 
Mark Ross 
University of California 
na Barbara, Calilorn 


BIRTH-CONTROL BAN 
1 was dismayed to learn that William 
Baird. the director of Parents’ Aid Socie- 
ty, was arrested for lecturing on birth 
control and abortion to 1500 students à 
Boston 1 
а description of the elf 
Aid Society and an exh 
ceptive devices in conjunction with 
explanation of their use, advantages a 
disadvantages 
Instead of being arresied, he deserves 
an award for public service. 
Kenneth 
Lehigh University 
Bethlehem, Pennsyly 


iversity. His lecture comprised 
ris of the Parents’ 


Sherwood 


CATHOLICS AND THE PILL 

I would like to express my opinion re 
garding birth control. My wife and I are 
both Catholics; we have two children 
and we have been using the pill for 
two years Through its use, we 
achieved a degree of mental and physical 
harmony that my religious upbringing 
had Jed me to believe was impossibl 
We understand the conflict that exists 


between the Church's official views and 
our use of contraceptives; we only hope 
that God understands ou 

T am faithful as far as other 
teachings are concerned, but 
very well that the Church i 
neither buy shoes for an unpl 


position 


going to 
ned child 


nor put an extra loaf on the dinner table. 
Au unwanted child puis a terrible str 
on the parents; and the child itself 


suffers emotionally as a result of the ten- 
ons in its overburdened family. It is 
most unfortunate that the Church holds 
to its archaic position on birth control; 
the result is that thousands. of would-be 
devout Catholics are denied the bless- 
ings that come with full participation in 
their religion. 


‘Thomas Gibbons 
Los Angeles, Califor 


DIVORCE: AMERICAN STYLE 

Here an invitation to someone to 
write a book entitled: What to Do When 
You Are Breaking Up with Your Spouse. 
book should not deal with recon- 
! or m: but 


riage counseling, 


should be based on the assumption that 
the marriage is on the rocks and thar 
separation and divorce are inevitable 


There is need for a manual for the cou- 
ple who are beginning to move up the 


big guns—to point out the wisdom ol 
employing more peaceful tactics. 
This manual should open by shedding 


ight on an oftenoverlooked clement of 
the divorce battle: the lawyer. Certainly 
there are helpful, honest law nd, 


the lawyer frequently is the villain of the 
piece, He is the real wi y bitter 
court action between husband and wife, 
Following a marital squabble, the wife 
runs tearfully 10 a lawyer. 
s her hand: "There, there. The 
law is on your side. Your husband must 
nd the children. 
ul-so is a friend of mine, and 
We'll see to it that he hears the case. All 
Task is one third of the settlement. 

The wife would do bener to consider 
altern 1s it possible for hi 
10 negot h her husband? If not. 
could a friend or clergyman act as 1 
son? She should keep in mind the fact 
that a sensitional court battle would scar 
her and her loved ones for life 

At the same time, the husband should 
do everything possible t0 seule their 
differences out of court. He is at a dis- 
tinet disadvantage as soon as he places 


support you Beside 


Judge So. 


the issue in the hands of the state. The 
most 
Y. 


court will go to bat for the wife in 
every case. The husband will pay, p 
pay—support for her and for the chi 
chen (regardless of how much independ- 
ent income she may have) and the fees 
for both lawyers. As for custody of the 
children, the husband doesn't have а 
prayer. The burden will be on him to 


7 


PLAYBOY 


38 


prove that his wife is an unfit mother 
And unless he has photographs of her 
committing adultery in front of the chi 
dren, plus ten witnesses 10 the fact. he 
might as well torget it. She will receive 
custody and he will receive no more than 
token visitation. privileges 

United States Divorce Reform wants 
10 take marital fights as far away from 
lawyers and couris as possible, We г 
ommend a system of amily-arbitration 
centers. operating under the direction of 


the executive branch of мате gove 
ment. Spouses puble would be re 
ed to take problems (o the 


ified personnel. stalling these centers 
riage counselors, psychiiatrists. cte. 
‘The fee would be reasonable, depending 


upon income. A counselor would attempt 
to bring the couple together but, if this 
failed, would recommend separation or 


divorce. His findings would be reviewed 
panel of special- 
grant a divorce 
without either party having to sue the 


Tor final approval by 


iss. who would then 


other. 
Frank Bemus, A 
United States Divorce Reform 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. 


ssociate. Chairman. 


EQUAL RIGHTS FOR WOMEN 

Und 
covers his wife play 
two backs with another man may kill the 

werloper and not be charged with a 
crime. As a partisan of The Playboy Phi- 
losophy, V have long believed that there 
н clement of unfa law. 
he matter has now come to the atten- 
tion of our state legislators, and they 
setting about correcting the 
cording to their awn lights. 
tion—brilliant in its simplicity 
abolish the old law. as you or I might do 
but to add a new law, giving ihe wile 
the right 10 murder ber husband's. part- 
ner if she cuches her husband in the 


Texas law, a husband who dis 


ig the beast with 


ness in this 


is not to 


аа. This bill is now being seriously 
discussed in Austin, 
Knowing (he proclivities of Texas 


men. I fear that if the sales curve on bul- 
leiprool vests doesn’t skyrocket as soon 
as the new law is passed, our population 
will most certainly decline in the first 48 
hours to that of Rhode Island 
Marvin Wilson 
El Paso, Texas 


PERILS OF MARRIAGE 

The letter from attorney Jerry B. Rise- 
ley (The Playboy Forum, February) was 
so sanely and intelligently written that 1 
immediately began searching to see if he 
had published any books. To my delight, 
I find that he is the author of When Sex Is 
Illegal, which is just about the best 
attack on our idiotic sex laws outside of 
The Playboy Philosophy. Your readers 
ли be amused by attorney Risele 
ry of when sex is legal: 


sur 


So far as we have been able to 
determine, [sex] between a husband 
nd wife has not been made a crime 


in any jurisdiction, so long as it is 
(a) engaged in absolute privacy 


(b) without any noise 

(c) in a conventional. position 

(d) at ne when the wile 
not menstruating 

(c) without the use of a 
control devices 


birth- 


A few pages kate 
offered to yo 


the following advice 
ng couples: 


A couple conte 
and feeling 
experience a variety of s 
ity on the honeymoon without tech- 
nically committing a felony 
advised to consult a local attorney 
the honcymooning jurisdiction for 
advice on just how far they cin go. 
If, however, the couple is of the 
devil may-cire type, they cin. prob- 
bly exper 1 activity 
without much risk so long as they 
lock the door. pull down the blinds. 
cover the keyholes and. check their 
hotel room for hidden "bugs" and 
concealed television cameras. Police 
i is privacy 


р! 


ice boy-gi 


But. of course. it may take а trip 
through the courts to establish this 
illegality. To be absolutely on the 


safe side, the young couple should 


avoid alb intimate activity except 
"normal" sexual intercourse in the 
masculine-superior position. Body 


Kisses are apt to be construed as 
attempted sexual aimes . . . 


t to live in a free сош 
Robert Wicker 
Los Angeles, Californi 


les gre 


FUN AND GAMES 
I noted. with considerable intei 
arucle in the Tacoma News 


est 


] 
Tribune 
concerning the Washington State Game 


Department's acquisition of new public 
lands. Knowing the News Tribune's line 
tradition for careful. reporting, Û assume 
that the story is accurate, 1 quote oue 
raph: “As the land is acquired it 
be made available to the public 
pers can cohabit with wildlite. The 
ige rugged 
walk more than a hall mile from his ca 

This is a fascinating tidbit, m the Bal 
of our state kaw, which warns us: “Every 
person who shall carnally know in any 
manner any animal or bird . . . [shall be 
imprisoned] in the state penitentiary for 
not more than ten years.” I cite further 
Black's Law Dictionary, which de! 


outdoorsman 


won't 


nt 


ines 


cohabitation as: “Intercourse together as 
husband and wile, Living or abiding or 
s man and wife. Ir may 


mean copulation or sexual iniercourse or 


uous and casual rcl 


There must be something goi 
the Game Depariment tha 
unaware of heretofore. 

Alva C. Long 
Attorney at 1 
Auburn, Washington 

Your Game Department, obviously, 

is gamier than mos. 


ng on in 


SEX-LAW REVISION 
I was delighted to read the following 
а recent Chicago Sun-Times: 


The Presidents Crime Сопи 
sion recommended Sunday 
removal from the oi an 
of many sexual practices now listed 

s crimes. 
This is part of the group's sug- 
gested wholesale revision of laws on 
drunkenness, prostitution, abortion, 
gambling, narcotics and sex acts. 

It says enforcement of some of 
these laws is costly in money and 
manpower, is demoralizing for the 
police, needlessly clogs coun cade 
dars and has proven inellective . 

The Commission says “basic social 


interests demand the use of (hc 
strongest ction ast 
child molestation. commerce 


vice "and 10 protect the institutions 
of marriage and 
But. it 
Merests 
case оГ most consens 
between. adults. the situation is less 
clear." 
Such 
tion, adultery. 
sexuality. 
Available information indicates 
that laws against fornication, adul- 
tery and heterosexual deviation. are 
generally uncutorced 
h quotes TI 
thor 


at stake, 


ire nor 


tes would include fornic 
sodomy and homo- 


“it says. 
Arnold, 
ud jurist, as saying thar these 


unm; au- 


laws "are unenforeed because we 
our conduct and 
became we want то pre- 


morals." 


ve ош 


"The Commision notes that. pios- 
ution "is an ancient and wide 
spread social problem that has 


proven virtually immune ío threats 
of criminal sanction. It is a con- 
sensual crime lor which the market 
is persistent.” The Commission urges 
m inst prostitution. be 
li ms in which such 
tivity is a which 
public solicitation. is involved." 
The € finds. th: 

forcement governing some 
crimes—sextual acts, gm- 
ortion—substantially i 


иней to sit 


business or in 


mmission en- 


of laws 


bling, 
pairs the “effectiveness of the police 


n performing the tasks, which only 
they can perform, of protecting the 
public against serious threats. 


PLAYBOY deserves à great deal of credit 
(continued on page 116) 


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vanas FE LEE, BAILEY 


a candid conversation with the controversial counsel for sam sheppard, carl coppolino and “the boston strangler" 


In a profession where the lives of men 
depend squarely, and often solely, on an 


attorney's know 


and persua 
siveness, Francis Lee Bailey is a giant at 
34. This colorful and aggressive advocate, 
who has defended three 
celebrated clients in the recent history of 
criminal law—Sam Sheppard, Carl Cop- 
polino and Albert DeSalvo—has become, 
in only six years of practice, perhaps the 


of the most 


most sought-after and controversial trial 
lawyer in the country. 

On Sheppard's behalf, Bailey ap- 
peared before the Supreme Court in a 
successful attempt to overturn his client's 
earlier conviction for the murder of his 
first wife; the ruling established а new 
criterion for fair trial coverage by the 
press. At Sheppard's recent retrial in 
Cleveland, Bailey won a widely publi- 
ced acquittal for the onetime neuro- 
surgeon, (hereby providing a storybook 
ending to Sheppari’s long 
ly search for vindication. In an equally 
sensational subsequent case, Bailey also 
won acquittal in New Jersey for Dr. 
Carl Coppolino, accused. of strangling a 
neighbor whose wife had been his mis 
tress. Four months later, a Florida jury 
found Coppolino guilty on a charge of 
murdering his own first wije, Carmela; 
the verdict, hos is being appealed, 
and Bailey is confident of the outcome. 

DeSalvo, a 


rious “Boston Strangler 


and often lonc- 


ho claims 10 be the myste- 
* who terrified all 
of Boston's women and allegedly mur- 
dered 13 of them between 1962 and 1964, 


has yet to be tried for the killings; 
he was interrogated on that subject un 
der conditions set by Bailey, who will 
not allow DeSulvo's statements to be held 
hin unless state psychiatrists 
support Bailey's contention that DeSalvo 
is insane. Last January, the Common- 
wealth of 
get DeSalvo convicted for armed robbery, 
assault and sex crimes reputedly com 
mitted after “the Strangler! 


rampage, but—as in the Coppolino case 


against 


Massachusetts did manage to 


murder 


—the decision is under appeal. Bailey 
considers Massachusetts! insanity test out 
of date (a defendant is considered sane 
unless he is unable to tell “right” from 
“wro “irresistible im 
pube”) and hopes the DeSalvo case will 
provide cause for a legal redefinition. 
Bailey's S.R.O. roster of upcoming 
includes the murder trial oj 
Charles Schmid, Jr, the eccentric “Pied 
Piper of Tucson." whe has already been 
of murdering 
girls and is accused of killing a third; the 
appeal of T. Eugene Thompson, a Min 
neapolis lawyer convicted of ата 


y” on is driven by 


cases 


convicted 


wo teenaged 


ng 


his wife's murder after he had insured her 
life fov, a. million dollars; and the case 
of Dykes Simmons, an American who, on 
а dubious murder conviction, has spent 
seven years in a Mexican jail. Bailey: has 
also been retained by four suspects. in 
Massachusetts’ sevord-breaking Plymouth 
nelted ils per 
petvators $1,551,277 in cash. 


As he briefs himself for such complex 


mail robbery, which 


and challenging cases, Bailey operates in 
epic style, At his disposal are three 
planes (one of them a Lear jet), a 3 

foot ocean racing yacht, a hi, 


h-powered 
Investigating team and a private commu 
micalions network. A 


two-way radio is 


always close at hand, whether Bailey is 
in his Boston office, in the air, on the sea, 
in one of his cars or at home with his 
wife and son in their [3-100 hilltop 
home in Marshfield, Massachusetts. A 
native of nearby Waltham, Bailey spent 
two years at. Harvard, left school 10 be- 
come a Marine jet fighter pilot and then 
legal officer for 2000. Marines at Chery 
Point, North Carolina. Out of the Serv- 
ice, he entered Boston University Law 
School and simultancously launched his 
own investigative agency for lawyers. 
His fast case after graduation was а 
murder (ial, which he won, Since then, 
as William F. Buckley, [rs observed 
while introducing him on his TV show, 
“Firing Line,” “Bailey has revealed him- 
self to be a man of such ferocious talents 
that he may yet decide to empty the 
prisons in alphabetical order.” 

Those “ferocious talents” have so cap- 
tivated the public that Bailey—in an 
unprecedented and chavacteristically un- 
expected inave—has signed to play him- 
self in a Paramount film, “The Sam 
Sheppard Story," to be shot this month 
Ay moderator of an ABC television series, 
“Good Company,” to begin this fall, he 
Il interview various celebrities in their 


homes. 
In the midst of this frenetic schedule, 


“Sam Sheppard spent ten years in the 
dw 
no way in the world that he could have 
turned out to be an eminently accept- 
able human being after that experience.” 


ons Ohio wes for prisons. There is 


“Ethivally. you're bound to advise a client 
that though 
he has a right to a trial and to an acquit 
lal, if that’s the result 
of mot manufacturing ату evidence." 


you're satisfied. he's guilty, 


thin the limits 


“Publications insist on parlaying an im- 
age of me that involves being flamboyant, 
bein skilled in the 
of electronic instruments. According 
ly, the jury is at first suspicious of me.” 


cute aud tricky, being 


us 


4 


PLAYBOY 


42 


Bailey agreed to grant this exclusive 
interview to mavsoy diving one of his 
whirlwind visits to New York. At the 
door of his suite in the Warwick Hotel, 
he greeted. interviewer Nat Hentoff in 
shirt sleeves, “Although we conversed for 
more than six hours,” Hentoff reports, 
“Bailey was just as fresh at the close of 
the interview as al ils beginning. At five 
fect, nine inches, he is a compact man, 
with square shoulders and barrel chest; 
his blue eyes generally focus coolly on 
the eyes of the person he is addressing. 
His voice is low, his manner often. sar- 
donic; but when he talks about his cases 
and his almost messianic urge to improve 
the practice of criminal law, he becomes 
dead serious. 

“On the table beside him was a thick 
folder of research material he had been 
studying in preparation for future cases; 
there were alsa a bottle of vodka and. 
several bottles of tonic. We were ocea- 
sionally interrupted by the telephone; 
one call, [vom California, was a request 
for Bailey to accept another murder 
case. ‘I've got eight murder eases in a 
row, he told his caller—but he promised 
lo consider taking on another one. After 
hanging up. he refreshed our drinks and 
commented, ‘It's wonderful to gel all 
these fees, but you've got to deliver.” 

Win or love, Bailey always acts like a 
winner, and his cockiness has earned him 
enemies who claim thal his quick success 
presages a quick downfall. We began by 
asking him about two recent cases in 
which, so far, he has failed to deliver, 


PLAYBOY: At this point in your caree 
fier two major setbacks—the DeSalvo 
trial and the second Coppolino cise—do 
you think your pyramid of successes ma 
be cracking? 

BAILEY: ‘There are no setbacks until the 
record is closed. We had nothing to lose 
in the DeSalvo case. He was not on tr 
Boston Strangler. We were litigat- 


very soon. The verdict in that case 
appeal and 1 expect to win it. Ay fo 
Coppolino, I'm convinced his ve 
be overturned. 1 m 
major setback tomorrow: that’s the n 
ture of this profession. But it hasn't hap- 
pened yet. In any case, I consider the 
whole business of statistics irrelevant. to 
the ability of a trial attorney, because 
there are too many cases no lawyer could 
win—and too many по lawyer should 
lose. 

PLAYBOY: You've often said that defend- 
ing a murder suspect is the highest call- 
ing in your profession, Why? 

BAILEY: According to the Constitution, 
due process is meant to protectin or- 
der of importance—life and then liberty 
and then property. Only capital cases 
deal with life, First things first, the way 
I look at it 

PLAYBOY: You've also compared tl 


y well run 


crimi- 


1 lawyer with the profes 
What do you mean by th 
BAILEY: | mean that a criminal lawyer 
without an forceful person- 
ality would be horiblv handicapped 
There is something of the paid. profes 
sional fighter in what I do, and that's an 
offshoot of the system our present jury 
system supplanted. If you and 1 had a 
dispute two or three hundred years ago, 
we would each hire a knight and they'd 
go out and fight. The merits of either 
side would nothing to do with who 
won. Victory would depend on which 
Knight was the better fighter. If mine 
were, you'd pay me or give up your 
land, Now this has been refined, and the 
merits of cach side do count. But the 
criminal Lawyer is still a fighter. The de- 
а courtroom is little 
a patient on an operating table w 
the benefit of anesthesi He has 
watch wl ag, but he cant do 
anything a t the under 
standing of the Law, the v to uy 
cases or any of the other skills requi 
of his lawyer. So the lawyer i 
n of the defendant. He's doing every- 
thing the defendant would do if he w 
able—short of suborning perjury and 
other nonpermissible tacics. And to 
that exte a lawyer, you don't say, 
This is a good guy and I'm going 10 
fight hard for him.” You're paid—hope- 
fully, though not always—and you're a 
id your business is to fight. 
(dition to his fighting 
skills, you've said the cimi 
has to have a considerable 
erion. do you qualif 
BANEY: Yes, but Pd like to emphasize 


| fighter. 


fendant 


bi! 


go..By that 


the distinction between ego and ego 
centriciny. ply means your «ense 
of sell: thar's esential. Bur if, in order to 


function well, you have to rely on the 
support and the continuing admirati 

of your brethren in the law, crimi 
is no business to be in. Defending an u 
popular criminal is a very lonely business 
1 once said that if 1 ran an academy for 
criminal lawyers. Fd teach them all to 
fly, Then Fd send them up in bad ic 
iditions and see whether or not the 
sh or in what condition they came 
ly separate 
ity to operate 
t adverse 
criminal 


ата 
down. Thereby, I could ci 


those whe have that abi 
Му on their own a 


ns, which is essential ü 


PLAYBOY: Can a criminal lawye r function 
entirely by himself? 

BAILEY: No, of course not. You must pre 
pare a сазе as completely as you Gn, 
and that means you must have superior 


investigators working for you. There are 
when a great investigator is more 
portant than a great lawyer. For my 


own work. 1 we a firm [Investigative 
Associates] that 1 started while 1 was 
going to Boston University Law School 
to do work for other lawyers, Under the 
direction of an c: cc officer, this firm 


pe 


по a case 


digs ad usually comes out 
with more facts than the Government 
knows, because we pull all the stops 
out. The state's investigators work only 
from nine to five. Sometimes, if they're 
personally enthusiastic, they'll work over: 
time, but they don't get paid any more 
for it. Our investigators, on the other 
nd, work as many hours as are 
necessary to do the job. 

PLAYBOY: Are you saying that your inves- 
tigations are more thorough and efficient 
1 those of the police? 
EY: Yes, not only 


Iso be- 
cause there's more imagination in the 
way we handle the defense side of the 
nong the police. 


case than is operative 


Whereas many lawyers approach the de 
fense of a case as a defense, we ap 
proach it as an offense. We're always 


hed 


probing for something that will 
additional light 
PlAYBOY How helpful to you was your 
з the second tim 


nvestigation t Sam 
Sheppard went to trial? 
BAILEY: In t сазе, a marvelous inves 


gation had been conducted before I en 
tered the proceedings. It was by Dr. 
Paul Leland Kirk. a California criminolo. 
gist. He really reconstructed the crime— 
something the Cleveland police hadn't 
had the ability or the imagination to do. 
They hadn't ascertained the position of 
the killer, reconstructed the blood-spatter 
paueru ог typed the blood on the 
walls. Kirk, on the other hand. picked 
every blood spot off the wall and traced 
its pattern of flight. In doing that, he cs- 
tablished that the killer had stood at the 
foot of the bed throughout the crime and 
had used a left-handed swing. Sheppard 
is right-handed, The cli . of course, 
was Kirk's dixovery of a large spot of 
blood on the closet door. It was blood 
that. by type. could mot have come 
from Sam Sheppard or from his wife. He 
abo demonstrated. that at some point 
Marilyn Sheppard had gripped the at- 
tacker with her teeth, that he had jerked 
away from her, breaking two or three of 
her teeth in the process. And it was the 
blood from the bitten killer that had 
been thrown onto the closet door in a 
anded are during of 
rm. 

PLAYBOY: What investigation did 
conduct to supplement. Dr. Kirk's? 
BAILEY: What we di that case 
other aspect of prep: 
very important. It's 
the trial record. 


backswin 


you 


ol trials and preli 
she's done that, we look through and see 
whether the most was made of the wit- 
eses—our own or the other side's. And 
then we go around and see the wit- 
- During the summer before She 
1, I spent a lot of 


time flying around the country in my air- 
plane, digging up the old witnesses. I was 
told by newsmen who had auended both 
ials that, as а result, witnesses who had 
ace a rather poor impression the first 
пе through stronger for Shep: 
lime. From reading the record 
of the first trial—with which I 
connection. of course—you can see that 
some of those witn had been thrown 
on by the defense with very little prepa- 
rati And although they had useful 
iormation, it was not developed—or 
not developed in the right way. 
PLAYBOY: In that first trial. the de- 
fense contended that the murderer was 
an intruder, a large, bushy-haired. stran- 
ger: and Sheppard testified he had seen 
the murderer, struggled with him and 
had been knocked unconscious by him, 
not once but twice, as the man fled the 
scene. In the second trial, however, under 
your direction, there was no mention 
whatever of the bushy-haired stranger, 
and you introduced a new theory—that 
Marilyn Sheppard had been carrying on 
adulterous irs with various married 
nen in the neighborhood and that the 
jealous wile of one of them, surprising 
her own husband and Mrs, Sheppard 
ing love in the Sheppard hom ad. 
blud, уп to death, What 
happened to Sam Sheppard's original 
story? Why did he say at the first trial 
he had struggled with a bushy-haired 
man if the killer w; ally a woman: 
BAILEY; There was a man there with 
whom he struggled—Marilyn Sheppard's 
lover. The only difference was that he 
was not a stranger. The theory that 
a stranger committed the crime, or 
probably did, was used in the first 
trial because Sam decided to withhold 
evidence that would impugn his wife's 
тери! п. He fel he could do that be- 
cause he knew he hadn't commited the 
crime and he couldnt ine that any 
jury would conviet him. proved to 
be a fatal mistake, of course, because, as 
some of the j from that first. trial 
told me, they had two choices. One was 
am's story about а bushy-haired intrud 
er; the other was that someone f 
with the house had committed the crime 
—and that was the way the evidence 
pointed. But in view ol the evidence 
m withheld, the only man involved 
who was familiar with the house, so far 
s the jury knew, was Sam. In the scc- 
ond trial, we were able to abandon th 
story of the intruder and develop a case 
that was backed by the evidence 
PLAYBOY- Whar is the evidence, as you 
unearthed it? 

BAILEY: First of all, as 1 said, the evi- 
dence excludes the likelihood of a str 
ger having committed the murder. The 
ssilint appeared to know his way 
around the house. When he entered, he 
was able to avoid the place where Sam 
was sleeping—downstairs in the living 
room. When he left, he went out the 


had no 


Th 


lake door—a door a stranger would not 
те was no w 
ng where it led. A st 
woukl have gone back out the front 
door. Furthermore, the concept of a 
suauger engaged in burglary does 
hold up, because the burglary was so ob 
viously simulated. A watch was hastily 
ripped off Marilyn's wrist and damaged 
in the process. And Sam's watch was also 
ripped ой. The other items taken, mostly 
of no value, were also gathered h 
nd then. immediately discarded. outside. 
Now, as to who did it, I'm convinced 
from my investigations that Marilyn 
Sheppard had someone interested in her, 
as involved in an affair. I be- 
someone was a resident of 
ge. where the Sheppards lived. 


lieve 
Bay Vil 
PLAYBOY: How do you reconstruct the 


that 


crime? 
BAILEY: Again, the physical evidence in. 
dices that sex was involved. Marilyn's 
pajama tops were open and one of her 
Pajama legs had been pulled ofi—but 
not ripped off. What Fm saying is that 
sexual intercourse—but not rape—was 
going on immediately before the killing, 
Sexual intercouise with the person most 
likely to have been there. The wife of 
the man engaging in sexual intercourse 
with Marilyn came looking for him with 
flashlight. She saw what was happe 
ing, flew into a rage and began beating 
Marilyn. The screams awa ed Sam, 
who came upstairs and was knocked out 
from behind by the man who there, 
Or perhaps by the wife, but more likely 
the m Sam was later knocked out 
iin on the beach while pursuing the 
and did not come to until around 
six the next morning. 
PLAYBOY: According to conflicting testi 
mony, the murder was committed. some- 
time between two and five A-M., and yet 
Sheppard did not report it six. 
What was the reason for the delay? 
BAILEY: Well, we don't know how long 
Sam was knocked out in the bedroom or 
on the beach. When he did awake on the 
beach, he was half in and half out of the 
water. His cufls and. pants were full of 
sand. indicating that the waves had been 
washing in and out for some time. And 
his skin was withered, as it would have 
been from prolonged contact with water. 
PLAYBOY: There still seems to be an in- 
consistency here, If the man with whom 
Sam was struggling was nor а string, 
why didn't Sheppard. recognize 
not in thc bedroom, at least outdoors? 
BAHEY: As for the bedroom, Ма 
room was entirely dark. The only light in 
the house was a small one coming from a 
dressing room at the top of the stairs 
across from the bedroom. It was shining 
into Sam's pupils as he came up the 
stairs, making his pupils contract, there- 
by putting him at a disadvantage and 
making it all the more easy to surprise 
him as he came in the bedroom door. On 
the beach, it was pitch-dark. Sam, more- 


weak, dazed and qui 
grabbed immediately in a str 
from behind. 

PLAYBOY: You've said the burglary was 
simulated, implying that the husband 
and wife involved—if they were 
volved—had the time to fake a robbery. 
But how much time could they have had 
$ ts? 

BAILEY: The point is that they didn't think 
they had much time. and that's why the 
burglary so poorly executed. A 
lot of things were turned over helter- 
skelter, the watches were ripped off and 
a green bag of jewelry was taken, only to 
be thrown away on the beach. I think all 
this was done while Sam was knocked 
out in the bedroom. I don't think they 
came back after Sam had been knocked 
ош on the beach, because they had no 
way of knowing how long he'd be out. 
Again, 1 emphasize that this was not a 
careful plot. It was a sudden, panic 
reaction to what had taken place. 
PLAYBOY: You mentioned earlier that 
Paul Kirk, the criminologist, demon 
strated there was blood on the wall of 
Marilyn's bedroom that was not hers. 
Whose was it? 

BAMEY: Some of the blood was Mai 
lyn's and some was type O—but not 
m's blood type is A, and 
was none of that on the wall. I 
would ce aly have liked to have tested 
the blood of the man I suspect and his 
wile. 
PLAYBO: 
mess after the murder 
struggle with the “bushy-haired man” 
you claim was not a stranger. Yet the 
next day, according to police reports, no 
one connected with the Sheppards was 
shown to bear any marks of struggle. 
How do you account for that? 
Baner: First of all, nobody e: 
an I suspect or his wife th 
1 day. One of them could 
iten finger from Marilyn; 


е possibly 
ngle hold 


Sam Sheppard was a bloody 
id his alleged 


either the 
closely the m 
have had а E 


ced it. Secondly, if 
Sam were hit from behind the first time 
and strangled from behind on the beach, 


there need not have been any other 
scratches or lacerations. 
PLAYBOY: After Sheppard was acquitted, 


you gave the Cleveland police a letter 
outlining your version of the murder and 
naming the couple you think committed 
t. But the grand jury that was соп 
to consider the possibility of rcopcn 
the case reported that there was no 
lence that Marilyn. Sheppard had a 
ried lover, let alone | she had 
been killed by the jealous wife of 

married. lov 
BAILEY: What happened was this: 1 had 
said during the trial that I was going to 
try to show the jury who we thought 


had accomplished the murder. We had 


every right to do that. Proof that some- 
one other than the defendant committed 
the crime is a legitimate defense, But 


43 


although much of the evidence pointed 
1 thought, to certain people, there were 
limits on what we could develop in the 
course of the trial. We could not turn it 
into a crossprosccution. When the case 
was over, partly because I would like to 
see it wrapped up and partly because I 
do not cast about this kind of aspersion 
lightly, T sent a 15-page letter to the 
chief of police of Bay Village, where the 
Sheppards had lived, in which 1 ana 
lyzed all the evidence and pointed out 
where some of the evidence led. After 
reading the letter, the chief of police told 
me he was pretty well persuaded it made 
à lot of sense. And a grand jury did then 
purport to conduct an inquiry, but it was 
a farce. They did not call the witnesses 
who could have helped them most, and 
they were more interested in what 1 was 
being paid than in the facts J had devel 
oped. 1 think the principal reason the 
grand jury was impaneled was to white 
wash Ше police who investigated the 
murder. That grand jury came out with 
a report commending one of the worst 
investigations in the history of American 
justice. It had been completely bungled 
In fact, after Sheppard's acquittal, the 
foreman of the (rial jury said exactly that 
publicly 

PLAYBOY: But why would the Cleve 
land grand jury have been so determi 
to discredit. you and your story? 
BAILEY: Because there's antipathy 10 mc 
among people there who feel they have 
suffered the slings and arrows of my out 
rageous comments. Cleveland is not par 
ticularly wild about outsiders coming in 
and telling them their town is a mess 
insofar as its handling of this case was 
concerned, 

PLAYBOY: If the people of Cleveland were 
so hostile to you, how were you able to 
get 12 people on the jury to reverse the 
original conviction of Sam Sheppard? 
BAILEY: The selection of a trial jury is 
quite a dillerent matter from having to 
deal wi ab jury that D had no 
vole in selecting. We culled very careful 
ly to get a trial jury that would give 
Sam a fair trial. The grand. jury investi 
gation, on the other hand, was а farce. 
But whatever its decision, 1 don't con 
sider the Sheppard case closed. 1 don't 
have any power to do anything further 
about it, but that case will never be 
closed—in the mind of Sam Sheppard 
anyway—unül such time as the ones 
who ght to justice 
PLAYBOY: Sheppard's behavior and some 
s before l after his ac- 
t doubt in some people's 


PLAYBOY 


ned 


led his wile are brow 


of his state 
quittal have c 
minds about his mental and emotional 


state, He revealed in an interview, for 
exa that he curied a gun into the 
courtroom on the day the jury seemed 
about to reach а verdict. The gun was 


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з order to avoid returning to prison. ! 
Since then, there was a report that he had 
to cancel a lecture tour because his be 
havior was becoming increasingly bizarre 
—all of which has made many people 
begin to wonder what kind of man he 
really is and was. 

BAILEY: Look, Sam Sheppard was а 30- 
year-old, successtul neurosurgeon who 
was thrown into prison for something he 
didn’t do. He acclimated himself fairly 
well to the dificult role he had to 
play. He couldn't be one of the hoods, 
because he wasn’t a hood. And hc 
icd him- 
self tremendously and shifted his entire 


couldn't be a fink. So he discip 


life pattern, even to the point of doir 


500 push-ups a day to exhaust himself 


so that he could sleep. Whereas 


guilty 
man can live in prison without doing 
" 
driven every moment, and for him (he 
clock ticks slowly. Now, after ten v 
in prison. we suddenly haul him out— 
after he had become an expert inmate. 
And for almost two years, we leave him 
hanging as to whether or not the next 
day he might have to go back if one of 
the constant appeals and motions on his 
behalf didn't work out. Then we hit him 
with a second trial, where he had to re- 
live the whole business and. sweat out a 
jury verdict again. After that, we turn 
him loose to greet the public and expect 
him to have the same sophistication and 
judgment he would have had if he hadn't 
heen away from the scene for 12 years. 


t sort of thing, an innocent man is 


Well, he doesn't have the sophistic: 


ion 
or the judgment—or the maturity, having 
spent ten years in the dungeons Ohio 
uses for prisons. He has been a man 
under constant high pressure, because 
he has been a notorious defendant, а 
man people wanted to—and some still 
want to—get, despite his innocence. 
There is no way in the world, in my opin- 
ion, that he could have turned out to be 
an eminently acceptable human being 
fter that experience. Yet, having robbed 
s of his life and haw 
ing subjected him to these pressures, so 


him of ten y 


ciety now turns to him and says, "Your 
conduct is not satisfactory.” 


PLAYBOY: | 


's turn to another of your 
most celebrated cases—the trials of Dr 
Carl Coppolino for the murders of Colo- 
nel William E. Farber and Coppolino's 
wile Carmela. Would you review the facts 
of this case for us, as you sce them? 

BAILEY: 10 was a unique situation, Cop 
polino had been indicted within 48 


hows in Iwo jurisdictions for two 
diferent murders, Two parallel investi- 
gations. were running, but (hey were 
linked together, because this is all one 
d 


cause 


in of events with one precipitating 


namely, the woman, Marjorie 
Farber, who accused Coppolino of hay 
d in New 


Jersey and then murdering his own 


ing murdered her husl 


in Florida. For Mrs. Farber's cross 


wife 


examination in the first trial, 1 had so 


{то ее 
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PLAYBOY 


AG 


1 that it was comi 
my cars. We had discovered a tremendous 
mount about her background and her 
activities with Carl. And with so much 
preparation having been done, I knew 
how far 1 could afford to go with her 
without opening any doors that she 
could use as a point of ambush to tun 


much mate ag out of 


around and slaughter us. It’s important 
to be that thorough, because otherwise, 


often happens in the course of a trial, 
a lawyer will be afraid to develop things 
1 the way for fear of getting into a dar! 
area in which hell get beled. As it 
turned out, there were no into 
which we could go that would hurt us. 
PLAYBOY: Yet most people who read 
about the case before trial had little 
doubt that Coppolino was guilty 

BAILEY: Yes, I've never known a case 
in which more people had an opinion of 
Buih. The national pres decimated 
Coppolino with a bunch of irresponsible 
and bad reporting. It published “evi- 
dence" that convinced even me before I 
met him that this guy was 
PLAYBOY: What changed your 
BAILEY: The facts of the case, as T found 
them in the preliminary hearings and in 
autopsy reports 1 had analyzed by expert 
pathologists. 1t turned out that all the 
prosecution had in the New Jersey case 
was Mrs. Farber's story. Their physical 
evidence didn't hold up. When Colonel 
Farbers body was dug up, they found a 
fractured cartilage in his larynx. A lot of 
people, including the prosecution's chief 
expert, Dr. Milton Helpern, the Chief 
Medical Examiner for New York Gity, 
thereby concluded that Farber had been 
strangled. But we were able to show 
very positively that that injury to the 
cartilage had occurred after death. More- 
over, Mrs, Farber's story had not 
volved str She said 
murder had been committed by press 
a pillow over her husband's face, 
amount of pr a pillow could 
have fractured the larynx. We also came 
up with a number of letters she had 
written immediately after the death of 
Jetters in which 


in- 
the 


lation. 


but n 


sure fron 


Coppolino's fist. wife 


were able t0 go on 
to explain to the jury just how 
could be innocent and nonetheless pet 
to all this trouble because of the frus- 
ıê woman, a few unfortunate 
and some pretty stupid 


man 


official action. 

PLAYBOY: How, then, did Colonel 
die? 

BAILEY: I think the evidence is very cl 
that he died of а heart attack. He had. 
bad arteriosclerosis, and we had patholo- 
gists to testify to that fact. Furthermon 
what the prosecution didn't know w: 
that Carl Coppolino had made some 
pretty detailed notes on the symptoms 


ber 


he found when he was called over to see 
ber the night before and il 
of his death. АШ those symptoms 
were beautifully in line with a heart at- 
tack going on. And Carl had also gotten 
a release from Mrs. Farber when he de- 


cided to step out of the case because 
not s 


she would nd ber husband 
hospital. as Carl had recommended. 
prosecution didn't know that, I 
didn't tell them about it. She didn't even 
remember it, but the release had be 
signed: she was hit with it i 
the courtroom, she was torn apart. As I 
said, the whole weight of the prosecution's 
case depended on the truthfulness of her 
story. And yet, notwithstanding the clar- 
ity of the evidence exonerating Carl, 
many people sull think he got off not 
because he was proved innocent but be- 
Cause 1 wizarded him out of the court- 
room. ‘That's very good for me, but its 
very tough on Coppolino. 

PLAYBOY: It was even tougher on Cop- 
polino to be convicted subsequently for 
the murder of his wife Carmela, How 
did you lose that one? 


lo a 
‘The 


d I do 
expect to lose it ultimately. The 
la case focused on a drug called 
ne chloride. I's used by a 
lyzing the muscles, 
it brings on an effect called apnea—the 
plragm stops moving and the lungs 
don't breathe. It ca 
ath by internal suffocation. This drug, 
injected, breaks down in a few 
seconds into succinylmonocholine and 
then into succinic acid and choline. 
These chemicals, however, are also natu- 
ral body products, and so its ve 
difficult to prove by post-mortem that 
the drug was ever injected. In fact, its 
presence has never been proved in any 
which the drug allegedly has been 
involved: and despite the verdict, 1 
contend that its presence has not been 
proved in this case. On the insistence of 
the Farber woman, Carmela Coppolino's 
body was exhumed about five months 
after it had been buried. Mrs. Farber had 
no direct evidence but said Carl might 
have killed her, and if he had, he would 
have used that drug, which he had in his 
possession, along with many others. 
Mind you, Carl's subsequent indictment 
came without this drug having been 
proved а cue of death. There was n 
se of death proved before the gı 
jury in Florida, 
wlicted so fast on such sha 
was that New Jersey 
running neck and neck in their i 
vestigations at the time. And the n 
New Jersey indicted, the Flo 
amor felt he was under such ter 
presure from the pres to do something 
that he went ahead to get an indictment. 
PLAYBOY: II the evidence was that shaky, 
why was Coppolino convicted? 
BAILEY: The case boiled down to a battle 
of experts over complicated technic: 


BAILEY: We haven't lost it vet, 
not 
Flor 


jes- 


case d 


y evidence 
nd Florida were 


mony, and the jury lacked the sophis- 
cation to see through the weaknesses 
of the мшез case, We weren't helped 
at all when the prosecutor, du 
selection of the jury, used а pere 
challenge to disn retired che 
а prospective juror. He could have beca 


the one man to absorb the expert testi- 
jurors. 


mony and explain it to the oth 
The state's case was based on the cla 


s evidence of 
nela Coppolino’s 
body. He said a needle puncture had 
been found in a buttock when the body 
газ dug up. It was never determined 
how old that puncture was: and it was 
quite possible that she, being a doctor, 
istered it to herself, to inject 
аг something else. Doctors 
ject themselves in the buttocks. 
having found what they 
med was а needle puncture, they be- 
gan to grind up pieces of liver and brain 
ds of other things, looking for 
some evidence of sucinylcholine. The 
chief toxicologist in Dr. Helpern’s office, 
Dr. C. Joseph Umberger, did some ex 
оп» and tests 
Helpern declared that succinylchc 
chloride was the cause of de: 
PLAYBOY: With all your prepa 
the case, what went wrong? 


ВАПЕҮ: As I said, succinylcholine chlo- 
ride breaks down into two natural body 
products—succinic and choline. 


Only if you can find an excess amount ol 
them in a dead body can you begin to 
infer that succinylcholine chloride | 
been injected. Umberger sa 
found succinic acid in Carmela Coppo- 
lino's brain, He also tas nd some choli 


ading of 
s of suc- 
normally 
this find 


bout four and a half milligr 
:othe average Drai 
is 40 milligrams. He s 
ing represented an excess, because he had 
looked into two other unembalmed 
brains of dead people and had found no 
wccinic acid. Carmela Coppolino. how 
ever, had been embalmed, and Umber- 
ger had never run a control test on 
an embalmed brain, and so his “finding” 
was pure speculation. Embalming fluids 
affect body substances. In fact. 1 got him 
to concede on the stand that the experi- 
mental meuiods by which he found 
possible" traces of suecinylcholine chlo- 
ride through the "posible" presence of 
an exces c acid 
were not complete enou 
a хас 
the 
d not taken into a 


s of succi 


publish his study 
Our. prepar 
other hand. 1 


ons for Case, + 


the possibility that the other side woul 
Uy to quantitate the succinic acid in 
her body. in an effort to demonstrate 


п excess. 
PLAYBOY: Why didn't you take that into 
account? 


BAILEY: Because that's not the scientific 
way to try to make that proof. The usua 
way is to look for choline, because that’s 
the stable chemical. Succinic a is un- 
stable and volatile; and if succinic acid 
ts into the brain, it immediately burns 
down 10 the normal level of it the brain 
would have. You sce, Umberger never 
proved there was an excess. As I said, lic 
found about fen percent of the normal 
level of succinic acid in the brain, But by 
then the jury was thoroughly confused, 


so. if known they'd been 
ng w acid, we would 


have du experiments —but 
would en months before the 
Started T ried to make dear to the 
jury that Umberger's tests had had no 
guess- 
work, but the scientists and 
evidently didit understand. 
PLAYBOY: According to The New York 


testified that he had found traces of 
the alleged murder drug in the flesh 


BAILEY: 
for succinylmonocholine—which is what 
the drug breaks down 10 immediately 
before breaking down imo succinic acid 
пе. He was not checking Lor cho- 
. because (агу present all over the 
body and is released. by the embalm; 
Maid. What La Du did find was abour 
millionth parts of something (hat might 
have been succinylmonocholine, but the 
traces were too slight to positively identi 
ly. His testimony, therefore, also was a 
mauer ol the “possible.” not the proved 
And his tests, too, had no controls. On 
the other hand, our experts—Drs 
Francis Foldes and John C. Smith ol 
Montehore | Hospital—had 
mitensive research, with the aid of a 
radioactive racer, to show the ways in 
which traces of the drug could be found 
i the drug had been infeed. And by 
those criteria, the drug was not found 
in Carmela Coppolino’s body. And I 
would add that the FoldesSmith find 
х were complete to the point tl 
they were published ay a scientific paper 
Furthermore, both in Fla and. Tater 
in New York, Dr. Umberger—the chiel 
witness for the stte—told me һе was 
very upset at how the (rial had come 
ош. He said he never thought there'd 
be a conviction and he hadit expected 
that his testimony would be taken so 
positively by the jury. 
PLAYBOY: But Umbe 
that to you. 
BAILEY: He le that denial at a press 
coulerence, in the presence ol his superi 
on, Dr. Helpern; but 1 have witnesses te 
what he actually said to me. Umbe 
told me that a conviction was w 
ranted on the basis of the work he Bad 
done. In addition, three chemists in Hel 
pern's осе came forward to say that 


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4 


they doubted (he scientific 
Umberger's tests. Because they came for- 
ward, these three chemists have been 
suspended by Helper 
PLAYBOY: When Coppolino was convicted 
of murder in the second degree, you said 
the verdict was “a joke." Why? 

BAILEY; Second-degree murder, under 
Florida statutes, means there was no pre- 
editation. But in а poisoning, there has 
ta have been premeditation, because 
there has to have been preparation. The 
needle has to be filled, the injection to 
be made. In addition, for death to take 
е from this drug requires eight to 
putes. This is at total variance 
sudden, unpremeditated. wish to 
Kill and a sudden act of killing. He 
would have had 10 wait for her to go to 
then inject the drug a 
another ten minutes or so to let her dic. 
PLAYBOY: What do you intend to do next 
in this case? 


low 


ме 


BAILEY: We are appealing. and Tm 
confident the appellate court will reverse 
he verdict. Then it's all over. because 


ıl has already been cleared of murder 
in the first degree. And belore the appeal 
is heard. it’s possible—and even likely— 
that we will duplicate the experime 
run by the state and show their errors. In 
the later event, a new plea will be made 
to the ural judge to throw out the 
verdict on the basis of new evidence. 
PLAYBOY: You admit you were surprised 
by the state's concentration on suce 
add in the second Coppolino trial. In 
of your other cases. have you been 
wht unprepared—either by the state 
or by yeur own client? 

BAILEY: Occasion: 
has an alibi and name the people he was 
with and it'll sound perfectly: plausible. 
But as we begi ilie the evi- 
dence against the defendant and figure 
the probabilities of his story. we go 
and talk ло one of his witnesses 
then comes completely apart. That you 
can call а surprise, and it usually termi- 
nates the atiorney-cient relationship for 
that case. TI put up with clients doing 
almost anything but lying. 

PLAYBOY: What is your attitude when 
s nor lied 10 yo 


lly a diem will say lı 


but so Га 
as you can determine on the basis of 
он. is guilty? 

^" much 


your iuvest 
BAILEY: Well re heart- 
warming to take a guilty man in and 
plead him guilty and let him take his 
punishment. And, believe me. most crimi- 
nal lawyers would rather do that. But 
ethically, you're bound to advie him 
that though you're satisfied he's guilty. 
he hasa right to a trial and to an acquit- 
tal, if that’s the result—I mean within 
the limits of not manufacturing any evi- 
de i iL or suppressing it or 


ace or distort 


threat y witnesses to up 
stories, There are times when. if I think 
the evidence is very strong against him, 
ГИ tell a dient that he's better off to 
plead guilty and get the best sentence he 


n—unless its a first-degree murder 
case and the prosecution is looking for 
the electric chair and won't offer a lesser 
charge. Then you just have to wy the 
case, even though there's по possibility 
of winning i 
PLAYBOY: But if you knew a client was 
guilty, would vou remain on the case if 
he insisted on pleading innocent? 
BAILEY: He can. plead innocent mat 
ler of right. A man is not proved guilty 
until he’s had a defense. V he hadn't lied 
to me, Fd stay with him. But in the 
course of the trial, 1 wouldirt allow him 
to make the statement, 71 didnt do i 
because that would be perjury. Being a 
defendant doesn’t change that law and 
being a defense counsel does not entitle 
you to subom perjury. 

PLAYBOY: Knowing your clic guilty, 
how would you conduct his defense? 
BAILEY: Í would not conduct the defense 
as an offense, which is what I prefer to 
do. T would not 


as vigora 
wp Gows-examination of wit- 
neses on the other side as E would il 
I believed the client not to be guilty 
because, obviously. the chances are far 
les that the opposition witnesses are 
Iving or mistaken. The main thrust of my 
strategy would be to стеле a reason 
doubt in the minds of the jury. 
dangerous—leaving the jury with just a 
doubt. If you can Ieave them with a 
counteriheory ло explain the proven 
facts. you're much more likely to get an 
acquittal. 

PLAYBOY: Having 
defend and plead i 
thought was guilty. 
know whether Sam Shepp: 
tho 


idulge 


1 searchi 


that 
xcnt a ma 
do 


would 
n you 
then 


said 


you 


how we 


d is innocent, 
h he was acquitted the sec 
ond time? How do we know Dr. Coppo- 
lino is innocent of murdering Colonel 
Farber, even though he was acquitted in 
the New Jersey tri 
ВАЦЕҮ: You don't know. What you're 
asking is whether it is possible to equate 
my appearance for a client with that 
client's innocence. Obviously, that’s not 
possible. There is no way of determining 
under law whether а man is innocent or 
guilty except through the machinery of 
the law. Unde system, a 
ity only if proof beyond а 


even 


our man is 


ble doubt can be marshaled against h 
PLAYBOY. Then a direct question to you. 
personally: Do you believe Sheppard 
nid Coppolino are innocent? 

ВАҢЕҮ: Үс. I not only believe Sam 
Sheppard innocent but 1 ako believe 
there was never any basis for finding 
him guilty. And I believe Carl Coppolino 
is innocent in both the New Jersey and 
the Florida cases. I believe. morcover, that 
in neither case wa 


a murder committed. 
Both ber and С Cop- 
polino died of natural cause: 
PLAYBOY: Granted that every: 
diemi you believe is guilty 
tutional right to an attorney, are there 
any kinds of dients you would never 


Colonel mel; 


nc—cven a 


has а consti- 


take, any kinds of crime whose perpetr 
tors you would not defend? 

BAILEY: | can think of only one crime 
that offends me so deeply al 
sense that Pd doubt my ability 
vigorous defense, and that’s the so- 
gang bang—the too familiar situation in 
ch a bunch of kids are out in the 
woods and they catch a young couple 
nec tie the boy to a nee and work 
the girl over for a couple of hours. A 
judge once tried to appoint me 10 defend 
the accused in that sort of case and 1 
m't think I could do а de- 
cent job. That is, assuming 1 believe the 
пїсшаг fellows accus 
e guilty—which 1 did in this 


cave. 
PLAYBOY: Would it trouble your 
science to defend a known gangster— 
say, for tax evasion—if you believed he 


con 


was guilty? 

BAILEY: No. I'm a functionary in the sys 
tem and хон can't say an 
ment of guilt has been made until you 
p the case through the system. Theo 
ly. if he's guilty, 1 will defend 
him with everything available; the Gov 
ernment will furnish a good lawyer to 
prosecute him; the evidence will be in 
favor of the Government; and he'll be 
hooked. And if he is hooked. it won't 
bother me one bit. But if I think he's in 
nocent, it would probably bother me a 
great deal and Id probably keep appeal- 
Ing the case шиш wed. exhausted. every 
avenue. 

PLAYBOY: To get down 10 the basics, do 
ink it’s the purpose of the defense 
y tO get justice done or to get his 


adequate 


ice is always the ai 
w—but only, I think, on a the 
level. We don't promise justice and we 
don't do justice. We don’t separate the 
guilty from the innocent. We sep 
rate those against whom a crime is 
proved in the eyes of the jury from those 
against whom no crime is proved. As for 
my objective within the over-all pattern 
I suppose it is justice. But the minute 1 
step outside my own role and either de 
cide w judge my dient or decide wl 
° justice 


t 
should be in a given case. 
doing a disservice not only (o ilic 
system but also to self. 1 am fune 
tionary with a slant, and that’s what 1 
required to be. Although it is certainly 
п acquitted whom 
we to be innocent, the fundi 
mental satisfaction when a case is ove 
whatever the outoome—comes when. 1 
can say, "We conducted a good trial for 
him 
PLAYBOY: Have you ever had the appe 
tunity to affect the couse of justice 
before a uial? Have you ever been in a 
position to prevent a aime? 

BAMEY: I was on my way to Connecticut 
one Saturday aft а year or so ago 
the phone rang and a woman from 
North Dakota informed me she inte 


1008 


whe 


ded 


ANDY 
WILLIAMS a. 
BORN FREE «53 
Sunny 
Sherry! 
Spanish 
Eyes 
sone 


5233. Title song plus Alfie, 
Somewhere My Love, Strang” 
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and Other Great 
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plus Georgy Girl 

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Marth Gore Сону 

threat 
automati 


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Her Love, ete 


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THE SORCERER'S 
IN THE ARMS OF LOVE uis 


LEONARD BERNSTEIN 


GERSHWIN 


Rhapsody In Blue ‚ TWIN- 


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3628. Also: Cancan, 


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3707 Also: 1 1 Wad 


Greensteeves, Give This Doubt, I'll Turn Раск Counts As Two You. Just Friends 
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You're the Top «5 MORE 


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Plus: That 3769. Also: Love For 3755 Alsu: Dancing — 3033. Або | Wish 
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козш 
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т 


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husband that night and 
wanted to know whether or not 1 would 
represent her. I talked to her for a 
while and suggested that she not carry 
out her plan. But she started to sound 
as though she meant it. so I called the 
police in her home town, telling them 
what had happened and giving them her 
name. They indicated she was a very vio- 
lent woman and might well do exactly 
what shed threatened. They told mc 
they were going to have а talk with her 
or remove her husband from the scene. I 
don't know which they did. 

PLAYBOY: Any other such calls? 

BAILEY: Not too long ago. а woman called 
me from a distant state and said, "M 
husband is dead. I'm afraid I shot 
I've been sitting here with the body for 
ple of hours now and | don't 
know w to do." I called the police 
and got them up there after ГА made 
she had counsel—and, sure enough, 
she was telling the truth 

PLAYBOY: Did she ask you to defend her? 
BAILEY: That was why she'd called. She 
told me it was an accident: 
meant to do it and she was bewi 
That'sexacily the point at which a lawyer 
should come into a case. 

PLAYBOY: Did you take the case? 

BAILEY: Yes. It's still pending, so 1 won't 
name it. The police department and the 
prosecutor there don't know I've taken i 
I'm operating through counsel in the 
a. Fm keeping my involveme 
because there ате umes when a сій 
сап be done a great diser 
otherwise unremarkable case 
to the headlines due to my 
connected with it, Dn this. inst 
example, a prosecutor who n 
wise be willing to regard the 
1 would now fel unde 
mendous pressure to bring her 10 pros 
anion, on the theory that she wouldn't 
have hired a lawyer like me unless she 
had intended to Kill the man. 
PLAYBOY: At what point will you reveal 
you're in charge of the сазе? 

BAILEY: When it goes to trial. 

PLAYBOY: What effect does your renown 
lave on ju 
BAILEY: It 


to kill her 


an accide 


be a disadvantage. For 
s insist on parlay 
me that involves being 
at, being cute a y. 
skilled in the use of electro 
nd all (hat so 
ingly. the jury is 
Also because of the renown, there's 
mediate assumption by the jury that my 
presence means а tremendous amount of 
money is being asked to get the defend: 
и off. So these days, at the start of a 
L the jury may well have all or most 
of these preconceptions. And if the t 
is short, these suspicions involving me 
could be extremely disadvantageous. If 
the trial proceeds for a few days, the 
jury will then be able to use its own 
judgment, on the basis of what it actually 


м. 
Accord- 


sees and hears. And it will find that I ay 
cases very soberly, in a low key, with an 
occasional injection of a little bit of hu 
mor. And then a lot of these precon- 
ceived notions will be wiped away. M 
least 1 hope so. 

PLAYBOY: [n the courtroom, how impor- 
tant is the personal impression you make 
on the jury in determining the outcome 
of a trial? 

BAILEY: It’s vital. In a trial, the order of 
importance of the principals is either 
defendant first and the defense counsel 
second, or the reverse. H the defendant 
I makes a good impresion — 
if he’s believable—he'll always 
does not take the 
his deci- 


i1 
ad because, for one 


sion to testify would allow the prosccu 
tion to introduce his past record, then 
he may be reduced to the status. of 

c 


arstore Indian or a pawn on а ches 
He's only seen. | 
e. And even though he may be inn 
cent, if he takes advantage of his const 
tutional right to stay off the stand. I have 
great difhculty in believing that any 
juror accepts the judge's instruction th: 
the defendant's not testifying is theoreti- 
cally no implication of guilt. Under those 
circumstances, the defendant is in а ter 
rible box. Therefore, it's someti 
good tactic to attempt to ger the jury 
try the delendant’s counsel. The goal is 
to get them to acquit you. 
PLAYBOY: То what extent do you “play 
jury—auempt to appeal to their em. 
tions rather than their reason? 
Baner: 1 do damn lile of dun. In 
gone by 


board. 


never comes 


days 


lawyers did place great impor 
that nd it may have 
been effective decades ago. But today, 
despite my claim that you don't get 
enough jurors of very high intelligence, 
you don't any longer have 50 percent 
of a jury without a high school degree. 
Usually 90 percent have at least a 
high school diploma. And you simply 
cannot use old-style rhetoric on that kind 
of jury. Consider what happened rc- 
cently in the Bobby Baker с h- 
Edward Bennet Williams. an 


cc on 


pprouch, 


extraordinary attorney, made a final 
speech in that case that was out of the 
Old Vic uadition. The jury, however, 


found Baker guilty, and the foreman 
said afterward, “We were genuinely in 
pressed. by the speech, but the 
evidence we considered while we were 
deliberating.” "That incident made me 
even more certain that the old days are 
gone. Pm not saying that I ignore emo- 
tion when 1 address a jury, but the 
tion Т show has to be warranted by th 


w 


circumstances of the case. If yon try lo 
create emotion just for effect, it falls flat 

happen (o function cularly well 
when I ca ation or deri 


sion. Ive i 
only when the circumstances have war- 
ranted either. What people sce of lawyers 
On television, of course, is somethin 


layhoy Glub News f 


PLAYBOY CLUHS INTERNATIONAL, 
STINGUISHED CLUBS IN MAJOR CITIES 


INC 


SPECIAL EDITION ү 


YOUR UNE PLAYBOY CLUR REY 
NUTS YOU TO ALI PLAYBOY tions AUGUST 1967 


APPLY FOR THE KEY TO FUN IN 17 CITIES! 


Montreal Play boy Club Swinging! 


CHICAGO (Special) The 
Playboy chain of distinguished 
Clubs is now 17 links long with 
the gala opening of our spectac- 
ular Montreal Playboy Club. АП 
the famous Playboy features— 
top-talent variety shows, live 
jazz, gourmet dining and whop- 
g ounce-and-a-half plus 
drinks—abound in this first 
Canadian showplace at 2081 
Aylmer St, just 10 minutes 
from Expo 67. 

Lovely bilingual Bunnies (50 
of them!) greet Canadian key- 
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of luxurious clubrooms—Living 
Room, Playmate Bar, Penthouse 
and Playroom. When you pre- 
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Bunny (she may be a Playmate 
from the pages of PLAYBOY 
magazine), your personal name 
plate is placed on the lobby 
beard and closed-circuit TV 
telecasts your arrival to friends 
who may be awaiting you. 


© 

Dining at the Club? Enjoy 
heaping buffet platters in the 
Living Room at the same price 
as a drink and tender filet 
mignon or sizzling sirloin steak 
in the Penthouse and Playroom. 
For lunch you may choose 
hearty buffet specialties in the 
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broil in the Playmate Bar at 
the same price as a drink, or 
a Bunny Burger, sirloin steak 
or filet mignon in the Playroom. 

Order your Playboy Club Key 
today and you can be sure of 
obtaining the $30 (Canadian) 
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Join us for good times, con- 
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Summer Specials for 


CHICAGO (Special) —Now 
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fashion shows, Playboy Golf 
Tournaments, Meet the Play- 
mate and Club Anniversary 
celebrations. And your summer 
social or business parties are 
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It's lunch at the Club for this 
lovely Playmate keyholder and her 
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Playboy Keyholders 


for your guests in the air-con- 
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Denver - Lake Geneva, Wis. 
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The Playmate Bar, favorite meeting spot for convi 
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ial companions. is 


CHICAGO (Special) — Sports 
will be in season 365 days a 
year when the Playboy Club- 
Hotel at Lake Geneva, Wis 
premieres early in 1968. 
Golfers will be given the op- 
portunity to play one of the top 
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golf architect Robert Bruce 
s. And there will be areas 
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Slope enthusiasts will find 
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Skaters, sailors and anglers 


All Out for Sports at New Playboy Hotel 


will delight in our 25-acre 
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enjoy the Winchester-designed 
skeet and trap range. 

Two championship tennis 
courts, two svimming pools, 20 
miles of bridle paths, a gym in 
the Health Club, a game room 
and much more—Lake Geneva's 
Playboy is more like a luxurious 
country club then a hotel. 


Sketch of ski lodge at Lake Geneva 
Playboy, set for 1968 opening. 


p = = BECOME A KEYHOLDER. CLIP AND NAIL TODAYS та та m ma q 


TO: PLAYBOY CLUBS INTERNATIONAL 
Playboy Building, 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Illinois 60611 
To apply for key privileges. 
WA PUCAS FETT 
OCCUPATION 
KOORESS = 


3 — — — — 


m 
Missouri and Mississippi, where keys are $50. Canadian Key Fee: $30 (Cana 


uian) Kev Fer includes $1 for year's e 
Annual Ассо. 
in Canada, is 


D Enclosed tind $. 


Pete eee eee 


STATE 
Key Fee is $25 except in Arizona. Florida. Ilinois, Indiana, Kansas. Louisiana, 


! Maintenance Charge, currently $5 in U.S. and $6 (Canadian) 


Butt me tor $ 
D I wish only information about The Playboy Club. 
ee ee ee ee T 


ZF Cope 


iption te VIP. the Ciub ine. THe 


285 


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PLAYBOY 


52 


quite different; it's theatrical combat. 
And that's why I always tell a jury when I 
start my argument that it is not an argu- 
ment; it’s an analysis of the evidence. I 
also always tell them that Perry Mason is 
fictional, and the fact that I1 dont solve 
the п the courtroom doesn't mean 
my client is guilty. Erle Stanley Gardne 
who's a good friend of mine, is a master 
plouer of his stories, but his influence 
has been pervasive, and he sure makes it 
tough for the rest of us. 

PLAYBOY: You've often said you prefer 
jurors who can understand complex rea- 
g amd complicated evidence rather 
be swayed by emo- 


tional oratory. Why? 

BAILEY: There are criminal lawyers who 
feel the only people they ought to allow 
on a jury are the sal-of-the-carth type of 
citizens, who will do rough justice. Thi 
type is especially attractive to a guy who 
has a guilty client for whom there's a lot 
of sympathy, because a jury sometimes 
1 acquit just because they 
pathetic. I don't think I do vei 
however, before the salcol-the-carth type 
—cither because 1 don't have a lot of 
dramatic ability in that а or because 
that type is inclined to be suspicious of 
someone like me, feeling “This is a 
powered lawyer and he's probably t 
to trick us" Dve found intelligent jurors 
much more preferable, especially when 
were uying complex issues such as the 
blood evidence in the Sheppard case, 
We looked for scientists when we were 
selecting 1h 
could. fully 


; because only scientists 


thodology. We did get a 
g engineer who could 
ad how a competent scientist 
operated and who could understand the 
validity of his techniques. In the Coppo- 
lino case, in New Jersey, intelligent jurors 
were necessary because, among other 
reasons, the evidence of the pathologist 
wasn't the easiest thing in the world to 
understand. In general, if have 
something to talk about in a case, it's 
casier to persuade intelligent people. But 
if you're just going to do a lot of smoke- 
screening, you'd better Higent 
ones off а jury 
PLAYBOY: Time n 
hypnotist in the Sheppard retrial to help 
you pick and “psych” the jurors. Is there 
ny truth to th: 
BAILEY: Time doesn't even have the right 
trial. In the Coppolino case, there was 
sining at the defense table during the 
jury selection process a medical doctor, 
William Joseph Bryan, Je, who is also a 
hyp . He way the 
one who asked me to defend Coppolino; 
he's a friend of his. And Dr. Bryan, be- 
cause of his many years of talking with 
patients, of trying to fig what's 


you 


lawyer and 


re out 


y to spot 
ybe pick up only 


time. Litile slips of the tongue, 


the 


movements of the body. From these sub- 
ue signs, he can very rapidly discern 
which way a prospective juror is leaning, 
and he can also suggest questions to ask 
him. 

PLAYBOY: It has been said that no auor- 
ney asks his own witness—and so far as 
posible, opposition witnesses—any ques 
tion to which he doesn't know the 
nswer. How true is th 


? 
BAILEY: 105 not true. We don't like to ask 


questions to which we don't know the 
answers, but it often happens. What you 
uy to do is develop the questioning step 
by step, in such a manner that you'll sce 
the answer three questions before the 
jury docs. And if you don't like what's 
coming, you change the subject. But 
every trial, you'll get answers you didn't 
expect. However, the better the prepara- 
tion and the better the method of cross- 
examination, the less likely you are to be 
caught with what we call a panis- 
dropper. 
PLAYBOY: Can you recall any particularly 
damaging pantsdroppers with which 
you've been confronted? 
BAILEY: Nothing highly dramatic, noth- 
ng that caused the outcome of a case to 
shift. But I can clearly recall the numer- 
п which Ive had а t 
endous feeling of tightening when I 
heard the wre answer. | once cross- 
ed а wom ned she had 
bank. Since her op- 
portunity to have observed that act had 
been quite limited, 1 doubted that she 
d identify the men with certai 


x n who cl. 
seen two men rob a 


But as I started to cross-examine her, her 
and it be- 


story got tighter and dighe 
came very apparent 10 me th 
probably telling the truth or believed she 
A witness who believes he is telling 
the truth is every bit as dangerous to cross- 
examine as one who actually is In this 
- the woman turned out to be by far 
the most damaging witnes. There were 
five other people who claimed to be able 
to identify the bank robbers and they 
all came apart, She didnt. But the jury 
stayed out 12 hours in a six-tosix dead- 
lock amd then finally acquitte 
PLAYBOY: One of the impressions many 
viewers get from television courtroom 
scenes is that an astute coun “а 
ess and bring out 
other side, until the point a 
lge rebukes him and says, 


How often does 


ally happ: 
BAILEY: What you're talking about is 
putting a question that embodies certain 
inadmissible facts, although you know 
the question is improper and i 
up. Wh 
ying to do through that tactic is 
to leave the jury with the impresion you 
could have proved. these thi 
body hadn't objeced or if the jud 
rvened. T «l of tactic 
may be used often, but I don't do й 


have no evidence to back. 


you" 


think it’s unethical and I scream rather 
loudly if the prosecutor docs it. I object 
sly, because the admonition from 
the bench, “Forget you ever heard it,” is 
completely inellectual. A juror may have 
to sit through four weeks of evidence, 
and there’s no posible way for him to 
remember the circumstances under which 
а relevant fact hit his memory—unless, 
perhaps, it’s so startling a fact u 
of the jurors will remind the rest that 
the judge told them not to consider 
But, in any case, І don’t think anything 
is ever wiped from a jury's mind. 

PLAYBOY: A number of veteran trial law- 
yers say they can predict. 
no matter what tactics they've used— 
how a jury will decide. Can you? 

BAILEY: To some extent, yes. But not al- 
ways You occasionally get surprised. I 
was surprised by the result of the DeSalvo 
tial in Cambridge. and | think most 
of the observers were. As vou know, he 
wasn't tried as the Boston. Strangler. 
The sex crimes for which he was on 
tial took place after he had stopped 
killing. I urged that jury to find DeSalvo 
not guilty by reason of insanity, though 
a much more appropriate verdict would 
have been guilty but insane. However, a 
jury under present law cannot bring in 
such a verdict, although it should be 
able to. | pressed unsuccessfully, as 
turned out—lor the verdict of not guilty 
by reason of insanity, for two reasons. 
First of all, it was a dry run for а possi- 
ble trial of DeSalvo as the Strangler. 1 
wanted to see what a jury would do. 
Secondly, 1 wanted him to be denomi 
nated for what he is. He is insane. And 
ated officially, he would 
tal hospital to be studicd 


n most cases 


be sent to a me 
by psychiatrists. 
PLAYBOY: At the time of the trial, wasn’t 
he already being held at the Bridgewater 
State Hospital for the Criminally Insane? 
BAILEY: Yes, but that’s not a place where 
he can be deeply studied or treated. Also, 
his being there was not synonymous with 
his having been judged officially insane. 
He had, after all, been declared capable 
of standing trial on the crimes he had 
commiued after he'd stopped killing. 
PLAYBOY: In any case, why do you think 
you lost the t 


BAILEY: In retrospect, T ca 
pened, The 
а medical 


sce what hap- 
ry had been confronted by 
record that made it clear 
riss had examined DeSalvo 
g Spree as the Boste 
Strangler, had judged him mot to be 
dangerous and 1 
at will 


1 


d allowed him to roam 
«The 


in socie failure of those 


psych to recognize the naure 
of DeSalvo certainly did not instill 
any confidence in the jury that some 
other psychiatrist in the future would 
not let him out again. So the jury prol 

bly was determined 10 see that he pot a 
sentence they had confidence would 


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stick—and that sentence was imprison- 
ment. Another factor, of course, was that 
we were trying the DeSalvo case in the 
wrong context. 1 was not permitted to 
introduce any cvidence in the trial about 
those homicides. Amd the postkilling 
crimes that were at issue had involved 
some degree of rationality. In cach case, 
he would break and enter, commit a 
sex act, steal and leave. The only evi 
dence I had in the trial that was help 
ful toward a plea of insanity was the 
actual coi 


nission of the sex acts. But 
those sex counts were the least impor 

nt in this trial in terms of the sentence. 
In additio: 


there was missing the one 


thing 


that is esential in almost any 
successful ple 


of insanity: sympathy. 
Juries ordin 


ly will not acquit on 
the basis of insanity, no matter how 
strong the psychiatric evidence, if they 
have no feeling whatsoever for the de. 
fendant. And T couldn't even try to 
engender sympathy for DeSalvo. The 
prosecution had all the sympathy on its 
side, sympathy for the poor victims 
whose dignity had been completely de- 
siroyed. So, although I was surprised at 
the verdict at the time, I can see how it 
happened. 

PLAYBOY: A little more than a month 
alter he had been convicted and sen 
тепсей to life imprisonment, DeSalvo 
escaped briefly from Bridgewater. He 
didit seem to have tried to elude re- 
capture. Why? 

BAnEY: DeSalvo wanted to n 
onstration, like 
What he w ng for was his 
need for treatment. He had admitted he 


е a dem 


civil rights. worker. 
s demonstr 


was the Strangler -nd he had expected 
that he would not simply be clamped 
into a dungeon for the rest of his Ше 
He was also demonstrating against the 
state's refusal to admit so far that he wav 
the Suangler. But by escaping, he 
forced them to decide whether (hey 
were going to continue to con the public 
or send out the kind of alarm that 
made it clear they Anew he was the 
Strangler, And, of course, the 
out that kind of alarm. Furth 
was demonstrating to dr 
that he 


did send 


rmore, he 
tizc the fact 


ad other inmates had been in 


Bridgewater for years without any el 
fective examination or treatment 

PLAYBOY: There are reports that Massa- 
chuseus' former Attorney General, now 
Senator, Edward Brooke, as well as the 
officer who arrested DeSalvo and psychia 


mists who were deeply involved in the 


case, are convinced. that DeSalvo is not 
the Boston Strangler—that. in fact, there 
is at least as much evidence inst two 
other men. one of whom killed the elder 


ly women 


and the other the you vic 


tims. And those who claim DeSalvo was 
not the Strangler add that his confession 


is h 


lly proof enough, since he is well 
known as à compulsive confessor 

BAnEY: That is 
And Brooke has 


Ш straight horseshit 


101 said publicly that he 


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PLAYBOY 


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doubts DeSalvo is the Strangler. In а 
conversation with me, as а matter of 
fact, he did admit that he believed the 
Strangler was DeSalvo. 

PLAYBOY: Aside [rom DeSalvo's confes- 
sion, what evidence do you have to 
support that belief 

BAILEY: Through many intensive interro- 
gations, Albert showed that he knew a 
great many things about the crimes he 
could not possibly have known had he 
not been the Strangler. His confession 
has been checked out in thorough detail. 
There's simply no doubt about it. 
PLAYBOY: Not i 
the Coppolino and Sheppa 
chose t defend your cl 
ing the el 
opposition witnesses. Doesn't this kind of 
courtroom behavior contliet with. y 
sell-description man concerned with 
protecting. individual rights and as an 
attorney who conducts his cases in ' 
low key." without theatrics? 

ВАҢЕҮ: | don't have any relish for ant- 
ting somebody up on the witness stand, 
but there are times when it’s essential 
ad usually anybody who Лаз io be 
chopped up on the witness stand de- 


the DeSalvo trial, but in 
dow 
ts by 


s. you 
impugn- 
acter and the reputation of 


vs it. He's either lying—the result of 
which can be the imprisonment of my 
client for no good reason—or he has 


se about which 
not bei dy candid. 1 just 
no choice, in those circumstances, 
l and take him apart as 


som n the 
hes 


have 


етем. 


but to go ahe 
best 1 
PLAYBOY: Your critics have implied that 
there is an element of ruthlessness. in- 
volved in some of your 


cross-examine 


tions. After the Sheppard retrial. Time 
quoted you as saying. “We had to de- 
shoy Marilyn,” Sheppard's murdered 


wil 
ВАЦЕҮ: I didn’t say that. What I did say 
was that, in the first. tial, evidence that 
tended to demean her reputation. was 
deliberately kept ош fo ve 
already explained. Iu the second mial, I 
had to bring that evidence 


because 


the only theory consistent with the facts 
was that a sexual aspect of the case had 
stranger 10 come imo the 


louse. 


PLAYBOY: What about y 
«Шоп to destroy the reputation ol Mar- 
jorie Farber in the first Coppolino trial? 
Do you think you might have been a 
bit overzealous in ihat ease? 
ВАЦЕҮ: Oh. no. | held back more infor 
mation on Mrs. Farber Ive ever 
held back on a 
PLAYBOY: Why? 
BAILEY: We had to de 
attack 
to treat her 


lc at the outset 

wholesale or 
of 
so frustrated that 


whether to her 
whether 
the he 
would go to the lengths she did to 
cuse Carl of 
inclined toward he latte: 
cause if I were to attack her too hard, E 


might create sympathy for her, no mat- 


with а sad wa 


«bas а мота 


murders. 1 


two was 


approach, be- 


ter what her character. And so we went 
y. as а frustrated wom 
attack her wholesal 


Neither 1 nor 
the fact that she and Carl had taken a 
Title trip together. The omission of that 


the other side brought out 


trip is a perfect example of a jury occi 
sionally not getting the whole truth be- 
cause neither lawyer wants to bring it 
forward. In this instance, I saw no reason 


out: and the other side 

take Mrs, Farber down. 

PLAYBOY: Why would the exposure of 
that wip have been so injurious? 
BAILEY: Because they took it immediate 


ly afier the di 
that made her 


h of her husband. Doing 
seem callous pe 
son, and 1 suppose it ad look 
Hous. too. Actually. » didn't 
involve any sex orgy. 1 think they regis- 
tered in separate rooms, and as far as my 
client has told me, nothing untoward 
happened. She was jus sort of recover- 
ing from the death of her husband. But 
a jury could certainly have drawn addi- 
tional inferences from that, and so it just 
wasn’t mentioned by either side 
PLAYBOY: In the second Coppolino trial, 
vou were caught unawares by the state's 
medical evidence and. by the testimony 
of several of its witnesses. How much of 
the prosecution's evidence 
ments of its witneses do you feel the de- 
fense should be permitted to se 
иа 

BAILEY: АП of it. АП of it. And that in 
cludes police evidence. In criminal case 
ald have as thorough a pretrial 
method as in civil cases. And 
the defense lawyer should have the power 
to subpoena Government witnesses before 
trial. Those witnesses thereby would be 
forced 10 either answer the defense at- 
torney’s. questions. or take ihe Fifth 


nd the stare: 


before 


we she 


discover 


Amendment, 


t if you had the right of 
discovery and found ou 
thereby that your client was guilty 
BAILEY: Му duty in that case would be 
not 10 suppress any of the evidence indi 
cating guilt and not to do anything to 
prevent the prosecutor. from finding ou 
about that evidence. But my duty would 
not include bringing that evidence for- 
ward myself, because the defendant does 
have his Filth Amendment right not to 
culate anything that will hurt him, 
EE am really his vocal cords. 
PLAYBOY: Hive you ever been able to 
prove actual suppression of evidence by 
the other side in of your cases? 
BAILEY: Jn the Sheppard case, some of 
th 
type as Sam Sheppard’s—on the ground 
around the Sheppard house. The state’ 
theory was that Sam, walking with the 
bloody murder inst ıt as he looked. 
for a place to dispose of it. had dripped 
the blood The instrument was never 
found. bur the blood was there. B 
turned out that а man who had been 


state's evidence was blood —thi 


m. 


dows there the day befor 
the murder had cut himself rather badly 
on а sharp piece of wire or somethin, 
He had walked around, looking for a 
rag, and had dripped blood. His type 


w 


was the same as Sam's. The man had 
reported his accident to the police on 
the day of the murder, but they never 


brought it to the attention of the defense 
lawyers in Sam's first trial. Naturally, the 
man did nor testify at the first trial, 
because the defense didn't know about 
him, and the prosecution wanted 1 sup 
press his story. For the second trial, 
however, we found him and he did 


testify. 
PLAYBOY: Have you experienced 
other incidents of suppressed evidence by 
the prosecution? 

BAILEY: Not of suppression. But I have 
had trials in which witnesses were cn 
couraged by the other side not to say 
ag in a way that would help th 
Lor were encouraged not to in- 
themselves in the case at all if 
they were going to hurt the prosecution 
Prosecution lawyers have considerable 
control over their witnesses, because pros 
ution lawyers are regarded as olhicials. 
And its highly undesirable to quarrel 
with them. because their retribution may 
be pervasive. I did have onc trial 
which а police lieutenant was ord 
lic and he did and he gor whit at 
because he was contradicted by а priest 
‘That was the end of the ca 
the jury was concerned. A jury will not 


any 


volte 


se as Gur as 


tolerate lying by either side. 
PLAYBOY: Because of your own abili 
nd that of your investigators, yo 
had considerable success in єтїшїп 


law. But how would you assess the cr 
inal bar as a whole in this country? Do 
you still мапа by your statement to the 
Saturday Evening Post that “the criminal 
bar ends up with a few of the best 
куст and а lot of the worst ones ru 
ning around... tak as of gui 
lor 525 or 550 
BAILEY: Let me put it this way: 
were to have to delend your 
country today, you'd have to choose very 
carefully hom a very small selection ol 
lawyers if you wanted the best the sys 
tem could offe 
PLAYBOY: Starting with F. Lee Bailey? 

BAILEY: 1 dont mean to start with ms 
sel. 1 won't name names, because d 
are some good lawyers I | 
bur by m those lawyers I 
kı re (han five would be satis 
factory t0 me pital cise. And morc 
likely three. I'm speaking of th 
country, because 
don't know 


vent mer, 


standuds, c 


лу. no 


whole 


hough 1 obviously 
lawyer in this field, 
Гуе had quite a bit of contact with the 
bar throughout the country. And no 
these by the way. practices 
sively. They rely to a 
leser exient on the income 
business to carry. them. 


every 


of 


five m 


ial Jaw ехе) 
greater or 
from civ 


Why are there so few first 
criminal lawyers? 

BANEY: First of all, society doesn't make 
the criminal lawyer's lot а happy one 
“The news announce that someone 
has been indicted. The immediate pre 
sumption in the public's mind is dh 
man who has been indicied is guilty. Ac 
cordingly, the lawyer who defends him 
is held im rather low esteem, because hes 
пу 


° 


, to "get him oll. 
the popular phrase. As a result, Ig 
hate mail and death threats just for f 
an appearance to delend somco 
highly publicized case. Some of thc 
death threats are obviously from cranks, 
ke you pause and wonder 
they say, “We'll rub out 
mily or kidnap your boy 
because you're letting loose all these evil 
people on society." In any controversial 
case, hate mail is apt to be pretty heavy 
So, to start with, you have to have a 
strong ego, as I said, and be somewhat 
т by temperament to go into 
criminal law. Secondly, society has done 
almost nothing t0 ensure that competent 
lawyers will find criminal law as attrac 
tive financially as civil law. Criminal law 
is the only occupation în the United 
States today in which you are ordered to 
work for nothing or to work lor such lit 
tle compensation that the occupation be 
comes unatiractive to people who dent 
1 doing hard work but like to be 
d for it 
PLAYBOY: You seem to be doing quite 
vell. 
BAHEY: My career has been an execp- 
tion, almost а Пике. You won't find any 
other criminal Lawyer in my age bracket 
who is doing as well as I am now. How 
often сап you expect а young lawyer to 
get а series of such highly publicized 
Cases as Pye had? You cannot take my 
situation as any kind of norm. The norm 
ds this: The average citizen cannot айога 
financially to defend IE adequ:uely 
1 а criminal case. Take murder, for 
^ murder case, 


but some 
Especially wher 
your whole f 


instance. In the ау 
to get m and good ancillary 
help—investigation peris, printing 
and other. expenses—cosis $50,000. Most 
people can" put up that kind of money 
And that’s the cost before appeal. 1t can 
i much higher than that if you go 
through the six. appeals that are current 
ly available. Most defendants cannot put 
up that kind of money. Knowing that, 
most good lawyers stay out of criminal 
law, So the criminal. defendant is likely 
10 get a second-rate lawyer who'll work 
for a very small fec and who accordingly 
won't do extensive preparation and in 


ad counsel 


vestigation, because he w 


(s t0 spend as 
little of that fee as he can 

PLAYBOY: Since you put such stress on the 
iced lor extensive preparation 
ti 


and inves. 


what do you recommend. should 


а so that. the. 


a verage 
al defendant can ger a better 


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PLAYBOY 


56 


chance at equality before the law? 
BAILEY: To begin with, every lawyer in a 
serious case without the money to do 
what has to be done to prepare it thor- 
oughly should immediately request th 
investigative funds be made available to 
him by the state. The basis of that re- 
st is that a defendant who does not 
the advantage of everything he 
would have had if he could have afford- 
ed it is not getting equal. protection u 
der the law. H the funds аге refused 
d the lawyer can show he was img 
his function because of Lick of inves 
guive resources, the case should be r 
versed, Eventually, on that coi i 
basis, 1 believe lawyers will be 
get suficient funds (o prepare 
investigate. 
Bui that’s only a start. The entire sys 
m of criminal law has to be revamped, 
wd 1 hope u We have to 
develop a the ve 
potential tial lawye 
school class will be encour 
the business of criminal law. And t 
means subsidizing their further. train- 
ing. When a young attorney of real 
quality graduates and gets his LL. B., he 
should then ne additional year of 
academic training in cross-examinatior 
investigation, tactics. arguments, And h 
should be paid a salary by the Govern- 
ment while he's doing this. Then, durin 
three subsequent years of internship, 1 
should work for a judge for a year, wi 
a prosecutor for a year and with a di 
fense lawyer for a усаг, This internship 
should also be subsidized, in incre 
amounts. By the end of the four-year pe 
riod, he'll be r 10 go out and make a 
tty good income from private cases, 
i viously won't consist. en- 


and 


see it don 
ШЕП 


way by w 


п every 
ged t0 e 


enough cases at fees of 53000 and 55000 


ih 10 ensure his making a decent 

ing. Being qualified, hell be able to 
cam thar kind of fee. Furthermor 
when there is a need for him to be 


appointed to defend someone without 
money, he'll be able to do a first 

And secondly, he shoukl be paid a 
as much (o defend an indigent as he 
would receive from a dient with decen 
assets. Al he should have enou 
public money to hire good investiga 
tors at their regular Society 
will get back rhe money it will have 
spent Tor his training and for his fees in 
appointed. cases: fewer people will be in 
jail who ought not to be there, and t 
will sive a lot of money. Right now, w 
the ra 


rates. 


ightened. series of Supreme Court 
s in recent years, 1 «оша walk into 
е courts and, with а writ of ha- 
beas corpus, yank out 30 percent of 
those inside, because their cases h 
been properly tried or appealed. 
PLAYBOY: Are you say 
t of those convicted 
ocen? 


BAILEY: A distinction has to be made be- 
tween those convicted who are innocent 
nd those who were guilty but wrong- 
fully convicted. of the charge against 
them. An example of the latter situa- 
П is whe m is convicied and 
sentenced for first-degree murder whe 
the chage should have been man- 
slaughter. There are many times when 
man is convicted and sentenced [or а 
more serious charge than the evidence 
warrants, My estimate as to those who 
have been wrongfully convicted on the 
ge against them is ten to Пе 
perem, With regard 10 the absolutely 
innocent who are convicted, that most 
stantial cases 
where there is no direct evidence to go 


often happens im circ 


on especially ide on cases 
volving eyewitnesses. Identification test 
mony is dange! particularly whe 


there is no corroborative evidence. Y 
get this sort of thing im bank-robbery 
cases. some homicides, some rapes. Tl 
kind of testimony is opinion, not faci 
Police usually tell such witnesses, “Don't 
be shaky, we have other information u 
der the table.” Thats usually a lie, but 
by saying it, the police bolster such wit- 
neses. My estimare is thar in perhaps 
40 percent of criminal cases, under these 
circumstances, the system mislires 

PLAYBOY: How would you restructure 
that system to get better prosecutors as 


well as better defense lawyers and 
judge 
BAILEY: Here you've come to the heart of 


the new system Pd like to se. 1 don't 
think defense lawyers should always be 
on the defense side of cases, nor do I 
think prosecutors should be only prose 
ошо. I think we could 
measurably by adapting 
system in such a way that a highly skilled 
trial lawyer could defend a case one 
week and prosecute a case the next 
week. We would begin by separating. as 
they do, the solicitors from. the 
ters. Under the British system, 
is a lawyer who can do everything except 


benefi 
the British 


im- 


go into a court and try a cise When 
he has a case to be tried, he takes 
his file on it—his investigati a 
barrister. A barrister is a spec с 


tual liti, 


he is a trial animal, so to 
speak. He is not an expert 
draw up a contract, but he 
in taking wimeses apart. We would 
then, as the British do, separate the bar- 
risers from the Queens Counsel. Th 
latter are particularly eminent barristers. 
If we had those distinctions, what 1 
would like to see happen is for the dis 
trict attorney to be a fu who 
would not actually wy cases, In each par- 
ticular case, the Court would appoint 
prosecutor for that case from the Amer 
can equivalent of a group of members of 
the Queens Counsel—that is, highly 
led trial Lawyers who deal only with 
life and liberty cases. That same lawy 
might be appointed by the court the 


on how to 
s an expert 


s| 


EXE 


week as defense counsel. The advan- 
tages of this system to the defendants in 
criminal cases are clear. There would be 
a reservoir of expe ined 
І emphasize again, ex 
pense. A defendant could hire one of 
them. or if he had no money, one would 
be appointed to defend him. And by 
this core of trial lawyers also 
ble to prosecute, we would have done 
away with the concept that a politician 
s fit to be a prosecutor. Under the pres- 
o system, (h 100 much political 
vantage for a district attorney in g 
ting а conviction. That advantage would 
be removed if à highly professional trial 
lawyer, and not the district auomcy, 
handled the prosecu side of а case. 
And we would 
made on thi 
sons. So here you would have the adver 
sary system i al cases at its best 
each side represented by one of. the 
best lawyers the system can produce 
And here again, the public would 
profit. economically, because the 
would be more cflicient, the 
reversals less frequent. 
PLAYBOY: Under the present system, do 
you feel there should be more effective 
means for suing prosecutors for false 
charges and for overzealous behavior? 
BAILEY: Yes. most disappoint- 
ng aspect of our whole social structure 
is that a man can be completely wronged 
by the processes of the law, can be im- 
prisoned, can have his estate taken away 
from him, can be practically ruined, and 
then when is later discovered. chat 
mistake had been made ii sc, he 
gels no res He doesn't even get 
pat on the back. Sam Sheppard is the 
nding example of this in the cou 
try today. It should be possible for every 
person acquited to file an action for 
malicious or unnecessary prosecution. As 
of re immune 
from such a suit. They shouldn't be. Let 
me give you another example besides 
Sheppard. А man in Rhode bland was 
convicted in a sex case оп the basis 
of eyewitness identification. 1 found out 
that Albert DeSalvo had committed. that 
crime and told the attorney general of 
Rhode Island about it. The case is now 
being re-examined. Certainly, that man 
ought to have the right to seek restitu- 
tien 
PLAYBOY: Among the investigative meth- 
ods employed by some prosecutors is the 
use of electronic. eavesdropping equip- 
ment. Melvin Belli has said: “I can u 
derstand how the use of wiretapping. 
however distasteful, might occasionally 
be unavoidable in order to bring a guilty 
man to justice—or to save an innocent 
one." How do you feel about it 
BAILEY: I don't think you can ever per- 
mit its use to bring a guilty man to jus 
je or to bring (o justice а man you 
think is guilty. If you allowed that, the 
exception would be so broad as to emas- 


his ca 


tution. 


culate any rule against eavesdropping. 
But when it comes to preventing an i 
nocent man from being incarcerated, I'm 
inclined to think—especially once the 
process of justice has failed and the jury 
has convicted despite the man’s inno 
cence—that all stops аге out, И, for 
example, 1 were satisfied that two police 
ollicers or prosecutors were sitting down 
nd having a conversation in which they 
were admitting they knew the man was 


them, do almost anything under the sun 
to get that information before the court 
—even at the risk of my license. There's 
a vast difference between the use of such 
methods by the prosecution on the one 
side and by the defendant on the other. 
The Government is never badly hurt by 
n acquital, but a defendant is de- 
stroyed by a conviction. Much is justified 
п defense of innocence that I would not 
like to see used by the Government in 
pursuit of the guilty 
PLAYBOY: But il that kind of evidence 
were illegally obtained by you, how 
could you get it before the court? 

BAILEY: In the umstances I just de- 
scribed, Га put the policemen or the 
prosecutors on the stand and ask them 
whether they made those statements. Н 
they denied it, Pd oller the evidence, no 
maner how gained, and Jet the court de- 
cide whether or not it wanted to admit 
thet evidence. 1 think ihe public reaction 
would be overwhelming. And it is possi- 
ble for a judge, if he sees ft, to bend 
over backward for a defendant. In this 
case, he might declare a new trial. 

PLAYBOY: The thrust of all your remarks 
so far has been in favor of the rights of 
the accused. However, there is a grow- 
wf conviction—and not only among 
conservatives—that the rights of society 
need more strengthening. A recent re. 
port by the President's Commission on 
Law Enforcement and Administration of 
Justice included a statement by seven of 
the nineteen members of the Commission 
declaring that recent Supreme Court dec 
sions limitin ations and 
confessions had tilted the balance of jus 
favor of defendants. Three 
ol the seven holding that belief are pa 
presidents ın Bar Asocia- 
ton. Do vou share their concern? 

BAILEY: No. I dowi agree with these 
alarms about criminals being coddled by 
the new rulings. The fundamental sale 
guard of our system is that 100 guilty 
mei be acquitted before one 
посе. one is Convicted. But the sys- 
tem has not been working that way. 
Judge Curtis Bok of 
while ago that of those who go to trial, 
more "ocent men are convicted. than 
кишу free, 1 with 
him. And these recent Supreme Court 
rulings are vitally important, be 
they help reduce the nu 
nocent mw re convicted. The 


police interrog 


ice too far 


пзу ана said. 


men set ree 


1 who 


point about such decisions as Escobedo 
and Miranda is that they don't protect 
the habitual criminal to any extent. Long 
before he read about. the Miranda deci 
sion—which says the suspect has the 
right to remain silent and the right to 
have lawyer present—the habitual 
criminal knew he didn't have to talk toa 
police officer and that he'd be a damn 
fool 1 he did. These decisions protect 
those who don't know their rights, and 
under the Constitution, that’s the way it 
must be. What 1 would like to see is 
sharp improvement in the layman's un- 
ding of his rights and everyone 
That could be done through the 
educational system. The Supreme Court 
is doi grew deal to prevent the sys- 
tem’s misfiring at the point of 
interrogation, but if the avers 
а jury will not respect a 
doubt or the presumption of innocence 
or the burden of proof, the system can 
misfire at that poim—probably "st 
the defends 
PLAYBOY: Speaking of the average man's 
respect for the law, to what do you as- 
cribe the apparent proliferation in our so- 
ciety of bad samaritanism—the apathetic 
refusal. as in the Kitty Genovese case, 
of those who "don't want to get involved” 
by going to the aid of people in distress? 
BAILEY: What particularly concems me 
about that kind of behavior is that it 
indicates a lack of belief by citizens in 
their own governmental and societal 
structure, H a citizen. really understood 
and believed completely in our processes 
w, if he really recognized how ce 
they are to his own well-being as 
s everyone else's, he would be 
much more likely to become involved in 
a situation such as the Genovese case. 
And even though it might be at a per- 
sonal sacrifice, he would much more 
willingly get involved as a witness in a 
criminal case than usually happens now. 
And it's here that 1 think something can 
be done through the educative process to 
make more people aware of how this sys- 


rest and 


in on 
reasonable 


tem operates, how it could be made to 
operate better, what their rights are and 
what everyone's rights are. That's why I 


1 can 
r busy lecture sched 
heavy case load, how do 
you decide which new cases to handle? 

BAILEY: Certainly I can't take all the 
cases I'm asked 10. Deciding which ones 
10 accept is like the picking of a juror or 
the setting of a fee, There are no fixed 
criteria to which I look immediately in 
order t0 decide whether FI take a 
case. It depends on many factors. First, 
whether the defendant is willing to ac- 
cept the kind. of representation 1 offer 
him—and that does nor involve a guar 
ce of success; it does not involve шу 


do as much lecturing 
PLAYBOY: With yo 
ule and у 


pulling any fast tricks 10 win his case; it 
does not involve his lying to me. I have 
to be convinced he's looking for а rea- 


sona 


often, people with 
app 


mpossible cases will 
and say, "Well, you've 
Il these other cases, so, of 
course. yoi That's not truc. 
There are impossible cases, And after 1 
find out these things, a large part of the 
decision is a result of my sitting down 
and talking with the fellow. Assuming 
that the fee ad that's 
not as important ion as is often 
thought. because it range from a 
dollar to $100,000—much depends on 
whether Т can become little sy 
thetic toward his situation. 
PLAYBOY: What arc your cri 
ing how much to charge? 

Bally: It’s a judgment made up of 
many factors—including the defendant's 
bility to pay and some estimate on my 
rt of the culpability he should bear for 
having gotten into the jam in the first 
place. 

PLAYBOY: Doesn't that pa 
make you into a mor: 
BAILEY: No, because I'm never going to 
charge more than what I consider a fair 
fee, in any case. H 1 choose to cut it— 
which I sometimes do—the degree of 
the client's culpability for having gotten 
into trouble is one of the considerations I 
use in deciding whether I'm going to cut 
it. 1 try many murder cases for a fee of 
less than $50,000, and yet any murder 
сазе is worth at least that much if you're 
going to do it right. For example, there 
may well be appeals for which the client 
cannot afford the additional fees and 
expenses. Jake Ehrlich [a prominent San 
Francisco criminal lawyer] says that 
firstdegree murder cis, a fair [ec is 
everything that a defendant. owns. That 
may be justifiable in some cases, but very 
often it’s not enough. That is, the client 
doesn't have the resources commensurate 
with all the time and expenses that go 
into the case. 

PLAYBOY: How high do your fees go? 
BAILEY: They could easily go to 5100.000. 
None ever has, but some come close. 
That doesnt mean that those in- 
stances, D get anything like $100,000 
for myself. There are costs I have to pi 
and I don't keep awfully good track of a 
lot of expenses. I do а lot of t 
lor example, which may involve sex 
cases at a ti 


xh me 


eria in decid- 


гї of the criteria 


vel 


al 


of my own 
dient for 
entirely his, so there’ 
of slippage there 
PLAYBOY: It’s been reported that part of 
your fce for the Sheppard case will come 
from the royalties for his book, Endure 
and Conquer, and from a percentage of 
the sale of the screen rights to it. Is that 
truc? 

BAMEY: When Sam came up for retrial 
with no funds even to produce the ex- 
peris we needed in the case, 1 had to put 
up some of the money on my own. At 
time, he had only one asset—his 


a certain 


mount 


that 


57 


PLAYBOY 


share ol 
suggestion, he assign 


the book rights. So, at his 
ed that share to me, 
and I will hold the assignment until the 
bills and some fees are paid, and then 
that share reverts to him. 

PLAYBOY: There was ithe a report that you 
got a share of the profits from Gerold 
Frank's hook The Boston Strangler 
BAIEY: I had no share whatsoever in the 
rofits from that book. I am involved in 


the sale of the movie rights, however, 
and I'm negotiating 
pout books concerning seve 


diems but Pm not trying са 
publication and movie rights, as some of 
my critics seem to think. 1 am involved 
in such negotiations because these are 
sources of revenue for clients and there- 
by I am guaranteed that ТЇЇ be paid for 
having defended them. 

PLAYBOY: How much do you make a year 
from all these sources? 

BAILEY: In 1965, my gross income was 
pout $100,000, For 1966, it was some. 
what over that figure, and in 1967 it will 
probably go much higher. But thats 
gross income. My net income is low— 
less than 330,000 a усаг. You sce, some 
75 to 90 percent of that income goes 
for overhead. T have a large staff and 
tremendous traveling expenses. 1 just 
bought, for схатріс, an cight-scat Le 
je for $150,000. But since I do 
ny cases у different ра 
country, it’s essential th 
y about transport 


uy 
of 
I don't 
ion. 

PLAYBOY- But even at relatively low net 


large home and 
ilmost апоу 
ge it? 

г definition of 


income, you do have a 
appear to live very well 
lv. How do vou n 
BAILEY: 11 depends on you 
the word. The jet. as I sa functional 
rather than flamboyant. My home i 
dudes an office, a library, a conference 
room and a guest room. 1 often take 
dients and others connected with my 
cases there, So it’s nor a conspicuou 
consumption kind of showplace. And 
furthermore, not bei 
having a low w 
flashily es might hi 
you believe. And since I work long hours 
over long periods of time, 1 don't have 
that much time, anyway, for a fashy 
personal lile. 


PLAYBOY: II your public image as а flam- 
boyant personality is so єз 
if you 


egerated and. 
e as concerned as you say with 

the stature of the criminal 
ved (o pl 
yourself in а movie version of the Shep- 


ВАЦЕҮ: I agreed to pl 
the 


y the part only if 
movie were done in a quasidocu- 
y fashion that would reflect the 
al developments in the case as they 
occured, without giving undue emphasis 
10 the con'luct of anyone involved. If the 
pt depicted me as a hero, T wouldn't 
t. Instead of heroism and wizardry, 


do 
the movie will reflect all the dogged 


work involved along with the usual 


quantum of mistakes and the enormous 
persistence that are. endemic to my 
work. Instead. of scenes showing flam- 
boyance, there will be scenes showing 
the pounding out of brief number 11 at 
two in the mor 
the pare that Im 
trol at all over how the story is handled. 
T expect that because of this film, the 
public will have a beter understanding 
of how the law works and how it ought 
to work better. The great misunder- 
standings about the nature of this profes- 
wed in large part by 
ticularly television. and 
movies. And that's why so many of the 
public feel that if you win a case, you're 
shyster. And if you lose a case, you're 
a bum. I'm in this picture to counter 
that kind of impression. 
PLAYBOY: You've been quoted as saying 
that as your fame increases, “as f; 
my own lile goes, all the press attention 
keeps me in line from acting socially as 
I might otherwise act.” What did you 
nean by that? 
BAILEY: Well, for one thing, the natural 
tendency if someone is nasty or rude to 
you is to snap back and chop them up 
i ow, 1 standy aware 
that if I do that, PH be termed a bully, 
so Fm a little more tolerant of irre- 
le personal abuse. Not that I get 
much. It isn't a serious problem. 
What Т also meant was that as a Enwyer 
ly going imo strange 
jurisdictions where Fm. in combat with 
Strange prosecutors, I have to cope with 
the temptation certain prosecutors have 
to follow me around and sce if they can 
catch me doing something emba 
—which then would be spr 
the papers. 
PLAYBOY: Was it this need to be circum- 
spect in your behavior that you had in 
nd when you said, “What separates 
the successful criminal lawyer from the 
unsuccessful, in the end, is the 
to hold his booze"? 
Baltey: | didn't say it in that way 
make an observation that € al law- 
vers tend to have a fairly high capacity 
for alcohol. Us a very high-pressure 
business. And if they do drink more th 
the average. 
uor well. W 
criminal lawyer who doesn't hold his 
booze well and goes jabberwocky can't 
have clients very long. Clients are not 
happy to have their affairs—whichi can 
be rather whether they're guilty or 
—spread around by а talkative 


who is coni 


all over 


drunk. 
PLAYBOY: Having demonstrated u 
you're a lawyer who does not "go jabber 


wocky" and who has 
s. wh; 
you might event 
spend more time teaching and lecturing 
in order to effect the reforms of crimi, 
law you've been calling for? 

BAILEY: Never a lot of lecturing or teach- 


clie 


k I'd be 
ictive ¢ of 


ing. but always so 
more indined to become 
the members of the board of directors in 
some organizational effort to improve the 
criminal bar rather than as a lecturer or 
stoom instructor. 

PLAYBOY: As а m: wlio has concentrated 
very profitably on criminal law and who 
intends to continue to, what 
your greatest satisfaction in th 


has been 


you've been practicing? 
BAILEY: My greatest satisfaci 


is that 
during the past six years there has been 
the beginning of a marked improve 
n the status of the criminal lawyer. First 
of all. the Supreme Court has given its 
stamp of approval to the criminal lawyer 
by proclaiming, as they strengthen the 
protection of the rights of the accused, 
that the criminal lawyer is an important 
rt of the system. They recognize that 
it had not been for the criminal 
ver. they would not have had the 
opportunity to make the rulings they 
have made, Furthermore, many Supreme 
Court Justices have made speeches in 
conventions and elsewhere in which they 
stare that inal bar is under 
staffed and is poorly operated. Since I 
have feli. ever since 1 became a lawyer, 
that the criminal bar to be drastical- 
ly improved, this kind of reinforcement 
from such eminent authority is particu- 
larly satisfying. I'm especially gratified 
by my expectation that 1 will live to see 
the system overhauled and put on 
much more decent plane. 

PLAYBOY: Whar about 1 sat 
ns as a result of the cases you've won? 
BAILEY: In a business like this, personal 


satisfaction is 


persona 


not associated 
a particular, highly 
The most satisfying 


always 


with acclaim for 
publicized victos 


noments occur when you feel you've func 


tioned well within your sphere of respon 
sibility, when you [eel your presence has 
de а difference 's life. Early 
1 defended a military officer in 

South Carolina. He had 
ted on a morals charge. Had 
he been convicted. he would have been 
completely destroyed, In these military 
Cases. i are, because the 
other side usually has the stuff. This one 
was a Пике. The man was innocent. He 
had to wait seven months with this horri 
ble weight on him. We won the cise, 
and 1 saw the enormous relief on his face 


als 


and on his wife's. Someone on my stall 
said to me that night, "You look a lot 
happier tha you've won cies 
that got national headlines.” And I was. 


When you can ¢ thing like th 
when you can help prevent a man's life 
from being destroyed—you realize ih 


the criminal lawyer has more power than 
any man on the face of the earth. Thats 
why I'm in this business, and that's why 
1 intend to stay in it. 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


Count on this young man for the essence of good taste. The PLAYBOY reader knows the im- 
portance personal appearance plays in achieving success—by business day or social night. 
Fact: PLAYBOY leads all magazines and network TV shows in delivering the greatest concen- 
tration of adult males who are heavy users of new products. This is just one of the reasons 
why PLAYBOY continues to be the top monthly in men's-toiletries advertising. Groom 
your product for success—use PLAYBOY, frequently. (Source: 1966 Brand Rating Index.) 


New York + Chicago + Detroit - Los Angeles + San Francisco + Atlanta + London + Tokyo 


60 


A TAKE-OVER OF THIS COUNTRY BY THE BUNGLING M.A.C.E. PROJECT? ABSURD, THEY'D SAID, 


COULD swear that my secretary, Miss 
ssed my boss as Colo- 
orning. And did I 


directly involved in 
defense work, which makes me even 
more puzzled. Yesterday, for example, 1 
overheard a conversation between two 
elderly mechanics in the shop. It we 
“Old man's on the warpath again, 
"Eaün' ass like it was steak." 
With the L.G. on 


ss. They'd strangle in their o 
if it wasn't for us” 


At first L assumed the conversation 


The Dispatcher 


was some kind of shop jargon. But now I 
m not so certain. What further dis- 
turbed me was that shortly after this 
conversation, Mr. Carter came to the as- 
sembly line to talk to these men. I could 
not hear the conversation, but a peculiar 
stiffness in the attitudes of the тесі 
ics, a movement of th 


I passed Carte 
He nodded at me and I 


. "Со ahead, Dugan,” he 
“It’s all right, if you want to, even 
though we don't insist on it.” 
m back to my side, feel- 


batch of invoices for me to check. [ went 


about my work, trying to make some 
sense out of the strange work habits 
here. In the midst of the invoices, I saw 
a sheet of legal size paper, headed: 


TABLE OF ORGANIZATION 


UNITED APERTUKES, INC. 


“Oh, that. The administrative chart.” 

“But it says Table of Organization. 
That is an Army expression, It is referred 
10 ay a T/O, and that's exactly what this 
paper is.” 

“Golly, I never 
say.” She giggled. 

When she left, I searched for 
name. T was listed under. Headqua. 
and Headquarters. Company with 
rank of first lieutenant. 


thought of it that 


my 


AFTER THE 


FIRST LUDICROUS ATTEMPTS — BUT LATER EVENTS PROVED IT ALL TOO POSSIBLE fiction By GERALD GREEN 


Dazed, I wandered about the plant 
for a few minutes and entered a half- 
hidden men's room on a fire-stair landing. 
As I approached the urinal, a sign over it 
greeted пи 


PLEASE DO NOT THROW CIGAR BUTTS 
IN TERE 

IT MAKES THEM soe 

ARD TO LIGH 


AND 


T knew at once that 1 was involved in 
ther а joke nor a dream nor а corpo- 
rate fancy. They had gotten me back in. 


My present. circumstances recall a se- 
ies of curious incidents in which I was 
involved some years ago, beginning with 
the appearance of the dispatcher av my 
home. 

Alter my discharge from military serv- 


ice, 1 was living with my parents in an 
old Spanishstyle house in West Los An 
Bele. T had spent four years in the 
including overseas duty, and was 
ged with the rank of sergeant. 
Now 1 had returned to my studies in 
busi istration at the University 
of California at Los Angeles. I note here 
that I was never a perpetual griper or a 
guardhouse lawyer. While I was not 
delighted with serving in the Army, I 
accepted it as a duty, 

One spring morning, I was unable to 
locate the keys of the old Ford I drove to 
classes. We were a family of comfortable 
means and had three cars: my old Ford, 
a new Mercury driven by my father, an 
accountant for one of the film studios, 
and my mother’s Nash. (We did not 
think ourselves in any way unusual, 


ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT LOSTUTTER 


because there was virtually no pub- 


lic transportation to be һай) Having 
searched the house and the car for the 
key: 


I went to the small room above our 
пе то look for them. 

As I opened the screen door, Т saw a 
п sleeping on the day bed. He was in 
п Army uniform. An overstufled duffel 
ag was on the floor alongside him. On it 
was stenciled: 


m 


ESPOSITO SALVATORE ASN 32001853 


My assumption was that he had Dee 
hitchhiking in the area (men were 
being discharged and transferred) and 
he had wandered in to catch а night's 
sleep. I shook him firmly but gent! 

“OK, Mac, lets hit it,” I said. 
your socks." 

The sleeper stirred. His cyes opened 


"Grab 


61 


PLAYBOY 


and he studied me irritably. “Jesus, I just 
got to sleep.” He muttered sometl 
about “doi ng day's work with 


out sleep,” yawned enormously and sat 
As he 


scratched. himself, 
suci ind, I studied him. 

Esposito was rk man in his 
carly 90s. His features were blunt—the 
eyes hooded and suspicious, the mouth 


up in bed. 


ed 


pouting. Black stubble covered his chin; 
he needed a haircut. 
et a good night's sleep?” 1 asked. 


“Lousy. Couldn' find da mess 
You da CQ?” 

“You're a little confused, soldier. TI 
is a private house. I don't mind you 
catching some shuteye, but don't you 
think vou should have asked first?" 

Esposito got up and stretched. Hi 
od. shirt came loose from his od. trou- 
sers. An o.d. undershirt peeked through 
gap. “Ain't no terlet paper in da la- 
c. And dere better be a PX around, 
or FI raise hell. 1 may be oney a lousy 
corporal, but 1 got rights.” 

Was he unb poor dope 
Section Eight discharge? 1 de- 
cided to be firm. "Esposito, you'd better 
get out of here. My father’s got а bad 
temper and he won't like the idea. I'm a 
former enlisted man myself, so 1 don’t 
mind, But you'd bett 
1 ain't 
ferred here.” 

“Th: npossibk 
ferred to a private. home.” 
“Ya'll shit, too, if у'са reg'la 
With that, he dragged the dullel bag 
did the cord and groped in 
woolknit cap. half 
wein, a cndboard. stationery 
nd some dirty socks. Then he lo 
gle wrinkled sheet of mimco- 
graphed paper, which he thrust ar me. 
“ра your copy, pal. File it or itll be 
your ass.” 

1 read it swiftly. 


need? Som 


ready for 


clear out 
been trans- 


oin’ nowhere. I 


Я А soldier ca 


to the bed, u 
s guis. Out 


MOLABIRD ORDNANCE DEPOT 


HOLABIKD, MARYLAND 


Corporal rsrostro SALVATORE AS; 


32694853 (NMI) Casual Detach 
ment, 1115 Labor Supvn Co., Hol 
bird Ordnance Depot. Holabird, 


Md., is transferred in rank and grade 


ageles, Californi 


I at new 
Of DISPATCHE 


Cpl. rsrosrro will on art 
post assume duri 
Army Classification 
responsible for d 
des, wheeled, 1 
tracked, at said. installation 


No change of rank or pay involved. 
EM to draw six dollars per di 
Transfer at request and conv 


of M. A.C. E, Washington, D. C. 


served as а 


ng at o 


battalion clerk, I realized that the orders 
were cither the real thing or a perfect 
forgery. The language, the phrasing. the 
format were perfect. 

As I puzzled over the sheet, Corporal 
Esposito seated himself at a table in the 
corner of the room. On it he pi 
few slips of carbon pa- 

These were trip tickets, standard 
ny forms for the use of a vehicle. Be- 
nd his car he stuck a red pencil stub. 
He put his feet on the table and began 
to read a ragged copy of Captain Marvel 
comics. 

Just what do 
doing?" I protested. 

"Look, Mac, I got a job to do, you got 
a job to do," he said thickly, His sullen 
eyes darted up from the comic book. 
“Anya vou people wanna vehicle, you 
come sce me foist for a trip ticket. No 
trip ticket, no vehicle.” 

At that moment D understood that 
Esposito was no lunatic, no practical 
joke, no error. He was real. He was the 
esential dispatcher. 1 knew his type— 
surly, slovenly, wary, a репу dictator, a 
wielder of power and influence, He wore 
exactly what you'd expect: а stained old- 
fashioned feld jacket, the corporal's 
chevrons sloppily sewn to the sleeve; a 
swearmarked overseas cap pushed back 
on his coarse black hair. 

1 wasn’t ready 10 challenge him. 1 re- 
turned to the house and found my father 


ced a 
vellow pad and 


you think you're 


g his Bran Flakes and scowling at 
the Los Angeles Times. 1 told him about 
the intruder. My father, the late Francis 


was sh 


James Dugan 
Choleric man. 
expected. 

“What are you worried 
Кей. “I'I throw the bu 
Esposito was smoking 
when 
the floor and 


rt-tempered, 
is reaction was what I 


hc 
1 out." 

ul cigar 
He flicked ashes on 
alled ow 


a 


we entered. 


ould use 


coupla butt cans here 

My father flew 
yanked the dispatcher from his chair by 
the lapels of his field jacket. * Ly 
bum. Pack your bag and get out, or ГЇЇ 
threw vou out.” 

Salvatore wriggled loose and backed 
He did not seem fright- 
noyed at my father 


ross the and 


room 


gainst a wall 
ened. merely 


obtuseness. Like all true. dispatchers, 
Esposito had а snarling equanimity 
that never turned into genuine hate or 


permitted. true fear. 

"Hey. Mac" he appealed to me, 
“straighten yer old man out. Dis ain't my 
idea. Cl ke, I'm here on orders, 
orders. Ya can't disobey orders, You seen 
‘em ya'self.” 

I took my father to the porch outside 
the study. "Pop, why start a fight? Well 
Call the police and let them handle it, 
OK?" 

He agreed reluctantly and went back 
to the house. Suddenly I remembered 


my class at UCLA. I reentered the 
spare room to look for my keys. Esposito 
studied me narrowly 
thin’, soljer? 
“Car key 
He patted the pocket of his jacket 
“Right here, Мас” 
Give them to me. 
He took the ke 
them tantalizingly. 
for a trip ticket 


‘Lookin’ for some. 


“Good God, this is lunacy. Give me 
those keys, Esposito. 


hed, His eyes were 
origin” dis trip, any 


a Dugan of 
I sud glibly. 


talion public 
In the line of 


ations, 
duty 
“Whyna hell dincha say so at fois 
He began to scrawl on the yellow pad. 
"Boy, you guys who go around keepin’ 
secrets from da dispatcher. Jecz" He 
then ripped the carbon copy and thrust 
it at me, with the keys. As Í reached for 
them, he wickedly pulled his hand. back. 
"Keep da ticket inna glove compartment 
and toin it in with the keys when ya get 
x 
I sat through my morning classes, 
hearing nothing, and got home belo 
noon. My father had not gone to work. 
He was impatiently awaiting a call from 
Washington. He filled me in on wh 
had happened. The local police had 
refused to throw Esposito out, after look- 
ing at his mimeographed orders. А call 
10 the Ninth Service Command at Fo 
Douglas w less helpful. They said 
cident would have to be explained 
by the War Department in Washington. 
“Lasked them what the hell M. A. 
was, but they d 
TH get to the bottom ol this.” 
“Pop, 1 hate 


as cv 


dn't know." He frowned. 


to tell you this, but I 


think that guy is seal. He's a dispatcher 
and hes been assigned here.” 


The phone т 
kitchen exten 
“Department of Defense? 
fathe 
A woman's nasal 
“Who is calling?” 
“This is F is James Dugan of West 
Los Angeles, California, There's a god 
damn soldier assigned t0 my house. 1 
want him thrown out, but nobody'll take 
the responsibility. Let me talk 10 an 
outfit called M. A. C. 
“Tm sorry, but no calls 
to that branch," 
“The hell you say. I'm a taxpayer and 
a member of the American Legion. 
There's something in the Constitution 
about billeting soldiers in private 
home 
you will be reimbursed for the man's 
subsistence 
“I don't want to be. I want him out. 
And what does M.A. C. E. stand for?” 


g and I listened on the 
on. 


asked my 


voice respondes 


¢ permitted 


-Soko 


“Don't tell me! Givenchy? Gernreich? St. Laurent? Cardin?" 


PLAYBOY 


“I am sorry, I cannot help you, Mr. 


amn it, you'll hear from me 
again! Or my Congressman!" 

But my father never carried out his 
threat. He worked long hours at the stu- 
dio. My mother, a timid, retiring woman, 
had no stomach for conflict. As for my- 
self, £ was now convinced that Esposito 
was legally, actually and indisputably 
our dispatcher. 

At first he was persistent in his efforts 
to make us accept his yellow trip tickets. 
He demanded the keys. When we re- 
fused, he removed the rotors from the 
engines (an old dispatcher's ruse), When 
we ourselves kept keys and rotors, he 
locked the steering wheels. He was 
frantic about his mission. Soon all three 
of us began to accommodate him, 
accepting his yellow chits and returning 
the keys. 

So he lingered, taking his meals in the 
spare room (he dutifully gave my mother 
six dollars a day), read 
presumably happy in his work. But he 
became lax. The keys were left in the 
cars; he did not demand trip tickets. T 
confronted him one day. He was sacked 
out on the day bed. 
soofing off, Sal?" 

“What's it to you?" 

“As one enlisted man to another, Sal- 
vatore, I'd say you are gold-bricking. 
Isn't anyone checking up on you?" 

He looked around warily. "S'posed to 
be an officer come around. But he ain't 
showed yet. You don't rat on me, ГЇ 
let yez drive a car all ya want." 

"You рог a deal, Sal" He could be 
managed. 

The Sunday after his arrival, I drove 

out to the valley community of Sandoval 
to watch an old Army friend, Eddie 
Chavez, play sandlot baseball. My par- 
ents had gone to La Jolla for the weck- 
end. Esposito had been absent since 
noon Saturday. No doubt he had written 
himself a 36-hour pass. 
1 arrived at Sandoval just as the game 
as about to begin, found a seat in the 
rickety grandstand—there could not 
have been more than 200 people present 
—and waved to Eddie Chavez. He was 
at home plate discussing ground rules 
with the umpire and the captain of the 
visiting team, the Lock City Lions. 

As Eddie was about to lead the San- 
doval Giants into the field, three men in 
Army suntans appeared, walking from 
the third-base line to home plate. From 
my seat in back of third base, 1 could see 
their rank clearly: a captain bearing a 
manila envelope and two sweating ser- 
из, each po huge barracks bags. 
ust a minute!" the captain called. 
e'll be а change in procedure 
lay!" The umpire, Eddie and the Lock 
City captain stared at him. The captain 
extracted a sheet of mimeo paper from 


his envelope and gave it to the umpire. 

A crowd of ballplayers gathered 
around and | heard expressions such as 
"What the hell?” "Who's this guy?” 
"Where do they git off?” 

"The captain addressed the crowd with 
a bullhorn. “By order of the Defense 
Department, I am authorized to supervise 
this game. The first event will be a 
threelegged relay. Teams line up at 
home plate.” 

1 jumped from my seat and raced to 
home plate. The argument was raging. 

“Hey, Frank!" Eddie called. “This guy 
says he has the right to run the game to- 


ain T saw the reference to 
M.A. C. E. and the formal language. The 
captain's name was Pulsifer. It seemed 
an appropriate name for a physical- 
ing officer. 

“All right, all right, we haven't got all 
day. Get those enlisted men lined up,” 
Captain Pulsifer cried. “Sergeant, tie 
their legs together.” 

The ballplayers lined up in a column 
of twos. The sergeants bustled among 
them, joining them, left leg of one to 
right leg of another, for the three-legged 
race. 

"I'm sure we'll all enjoy this!" Captain 
Pulsifer shouted. 

He blew his whistle—a bronze whistle 
on a plaited red-and-yellow lanyard. a 
whistle only a P. T. officer would carry— 
and the three-legged race began. It was 
a dry, hot day, and the stumbling, curs- 
ing players kicked up great clouds of 
dust as they hopped off to the center- 
field flagpole. 

“Faster, faster!” shouted Captain Pul- 
sifer. “The winning team gets to bat 
last!" 

“They do not!” I cried, trotting along- 
side the captain. “The home team bats 
last! You can't just change the rules like 
that!” 

"Who says I can't?” he asked icily. 
"The Army can do anything it wants." 

1 could think of no response to this, 
but it hardly mattered, because the play- 
ers refused to go on the mad game. 
The crowd was booing, hissing. Pop 
bottles were thrown. But the captain 
was not through yet. Somehow—with 
threats, promises, frequent wavings of 
his orders, he got the teams to play short 
contests of underleg basketball relay, 
swat-the-baron and club-snatch. However, 
the games lasted only a few moments 
before the players stopped and began to 
yell again. How often I had played these 
same lui games during basic train- 
ingl 

"Play ball, goddamn it!” the umpire 
shouted. "Chavez, git yer team in the 
field. Lock City at Ьай And you, you 
jerk, git los" 

Captain Pulsifer walked off the ficld. 


But as the Lock City leadoff man 
stepped to the plate, the officer ordered 
onc of his sergeants to bring a duffel 
forward. From it the captain took 
olivedrab contraption—a gas mask 

“By order of the authority invested in 
me by the Defense Department, this 
game can proceed only under these con. 
ditions—batter, pitcher, catcher and um 
pire are to wear gas masks at all times.” 
He then attempted to affix the mask to 
the batter's head. The lead-off 
coiled, the captain came after 
then the ballplayer swung his bat at the 
officer. The sergeants leaped to help 
their superior—the blow had missed by 
а hair—and the fans swarmed onto the 
field. 

Eddie Chavez, the umpire and I tried 
to calm people down. For a moment it 
looked as if the crowd was ready to pull 
the P. T.O. and his men to pieces. As 
was, they merely gave them а bum's 
rush across the diamond and dumped 
them into a weapons carrier that had 
been parked near the left-field foul line. 

“You personnel haven't heard the last 
of this!" I heard C: in Pulsifer mutter 
through bruised lips. And they drove off 
"The game resumed. Most of the people 
around me seemed to think that the 
whole thing was a dumb practical joke. 

I went home feeling dizzy from too 
much sun and queasy with uncertainties. 
"That night I had a terrifying dream (one 
that has been recurring since I took my 
new job) and I woke up shivering. In 
this dream, I am back in Service and I 
am a permanent latrine orderly. 1 protest 
that I have had two years of college and 
have been a model soldier, but I am 
nonetheless kept on latrinc duty because 
Тата “troublemaker.” The latrine oca 
pies all five stories of a tall building, an 
endless vitreous enamel nightmare, never- 
ending urinals, toilet bowls, sinks, a 
latrine so huge that it spills out into the 
street, crosses a road and deposits its 
gleaming receptacles in private homes, 
stores, factories. It generates and repro- 
duces itself. It is dotted with signs read- 
ing: BLOKES WITH SHORT HORNS STAND 
CLOSE, THE NEXT MAN MAY HAVE HOLES IN 
HIS SHOES; OF, FLIES SPREAD DISEASE, KEEP 
YOURS BUTTONED; OF, WE AIM TO PLEASE, 
YOU AIM, TOO, PLEASE; OT, PLEASE DO NOT 
THROW CIGAR BUTTS IN THE URINAL, IT 
MAKES THEM SOGGY AND HARD TO LIGHT. 

1 did not feel well enough to attend 
clases on Monday. Lingering over my 
coffee, 1 tried to piece together Salva- 
tore Esposito, the baseball game and the 
mysterious initials M. A. C. E. 

My mother came in from the living 
room—I had heard the vacuum hum- 
ming—and began to mop the kitchen 
floor. 

"Where's Serena?" 1 asked. It was 
Monday, and Serena Hastings, a Negro 

(continued on page 76) 


an re- 


TH. F OT modem living By КЕМ W PURIY 


an insightful appraisal of the current crop and the storied history of motordom's new glamor car, the gran turismo 


TIME was when the gran turismo car, the grand touring car, was just that: a 
motor vehicle in which to embark for distant places, adventure sure to be 
found on the way. In those days, around the tum of the century, one of the 
first things the tourist was likely to do, safely back home (whether he'd gone 
100 miles or halfway around the world), was to leap for pen and paper, to 
let lesser folk know what life was like Out There. Hear one of them, Claude 
Anet of Paris, in Through Persia in a Motor Car, published in 190’ 

“At last we were ready to start [from the Hotel du Boulevard in Bucha- 
rest], the motors commenced their throbbing, the crowd hemming us in 
sprang back terrified, lifted their arms to heaven, proclaimed a miracle, 
and we were gone. The order of our going was as follows: first the great 
40-hp Mercedes, as skirmisher, for it was already evening; then Leonida's 
20-hp Mercedes; and lastly the 16hp Fiat, carrying the chauffeurs and the 
luggage. This was to make sure, in case of accidents, that the chauffeurs 
would come to our assistance. We were traveling along a Russian road. The 
ground was hard, stony, with unexpected lumps, until suddenly, to my great 
surprise, about six miles from Ismailia the road abruptly stopped altogether. 
The rest were less astonished than I was, and without a moment's hesitation 
turned the cars into some fields, across which ran well-defined tracks. Here 
the ground was softer, and progress necessarily slow. In a rainy season these 
tracks would have been impassable. Thus ре Чу we traveled across Bessa- 
rabia. The soil was black; peasants were working in the fields, while sharply 
outlined against the horizon were yokes of oxen, dimly visible in the last 
rays of the setting sun. Presently we were reduced to finding our way along 
the cart ruts solely by our powerful headlamps, (text continued on page 70) 


JENSEN INTERCEPTOR: A Vignale-bodied English entry 
in the uncommon market of fine GT machines, the Inter- 
ceptor features Chrysler V-8 engine, automatic transmis- 
sion as standard. In the FF (Ferguson Formula) model, the 
Jensen comes equipped with four-wheel drive. Other 
distinguishing FF characteristics include power steer- 
ing and stainless-steel roof. Both cor interiors ore 
fully trimmed in soft hide, hove reclining front seats. 
Matching wood trim is used on the door ponels and 


center console. Price for the Interceptor: about $10,500. 


TOYOTA 2000: A one-of-a-kind roadster version 
of the 2000 appears os the outamative stor of the 
James Band sextravaganza You Only Live Twice. 
The fastback model is powered by a six-cylinder 
engine and develops a top speed of 137 mph. Rear 
window flips open for luggage. Price: about $6B00. 


MARCOS 1600: A British-built fibergloss eye- 
catcher, the monocoque-constructed body with 

ing sun roaf houses an elegant interior that includes 
such luxuries as adjustable steering calumn and 
odiustoble foot-pedal assembly. Combination push 
buttons end side-panel finger grips replace door 
handles. Top speed: 120 mph. Price: about $4500. 


A 


ak PA шш 


ISO GRIFO: Although the Grifo is manufactured in 
holy, under the sleek Bertone body is a 327 Corvetie 
engine that's available in either 300 or 350 hp. The 
Grifa's plushly appointed interior (left) features а 
well-instrumented wood dash surrounded by padded 
leather. Top speed: 160 mph. Price: about $13,000. 


MASERATI GHIBLI: 15 feet long and 45 inches low, 
the beautiful Ghic-bodied Ghibli with hemiheaded 
V-8 engine is primed for high-speed touring. Air 
conditioning and electrically operated windows are 
standard. The instrumentation on ће handsame dash 
fronting the two-seat cockpit is close at hand yet un- 
cluttered. Tap speed: 170 mph. Price: about $16,900. 


LAMBORGHINI MIURA: Italian manufacturer Ferruccio 
Lamborghini's latest model houses transverse-mounted 
12.суйпдег reor engine (lefi). Unusual flip-up back 
deck hos louvered rear window, hides luggage space 
that’s jus! post the engine. All gauges excep! speed- 
ameter and tech ore maunted in the upholstered center 
consale. Tap speed: about 180 mph. Price: about $20,800. 


FERRARI 330 GTC: Sumptuously accautered by Pinin- 
forina, designer-builder of Enzo Ferrori's exotic auto 
bodies, the two-place 330 GTC is equipped with electri 
cally operated side windows and heated rear window. The 
V-12 engine develops 300 hp. Heavy body soundproafing 
mokes the 330 GTC exceptionally quiet far o Modena 
product. Roce-type gear-lever gates (right) ensure pre- 
cise shifting. Top speed: about 165 mph. Price: $14,400. 


BIZZARRINI: The brain child of Italian engineer Giotto Bizzarrini, wha 
designed and developed the Iso Grifo, the Bizzarrini was originally named the 
Strada 5300; but to encourage Stateside sales, the export version is called the GT 
America. Packed inside its 172-inch monocoque-constructed Berlinetta body is a 327 
Corvette engine ond a four-speed Chevy gearbox. Dash tap is finished in buck 
leather. Air vents behind the rear wheels (above left) give the racd-hungry 
Bizzarrini a ready-to-roce laok. Top speed: 145 mph. Price: about $10,500. 


LOTUS EUROPA: The first rear-engined Latus production car, the Europa (also 
known as the 46) houses a Lotus-modified Renault 16 engine. The sleek reor 
deck reduces air drag, while mesh grilles set into the flat surface allow hot air 
around the engine to escape. Semireclining hammocklike bucket seats with integral 
headrests and a padded center console give driver and passenger maximum comfort 
ond safety. Main instruments are in front af driver, with supplementary dials ond 
all switches mounted on console. Top speed: over 110 mph. Price: about $4000. 


JGE 2550 


КЕЕ ی‎ 


PLAYBOY 


70 


which threw great streams of light across 
the deserted country. At last we came 
upon a small group of poor and scattered 
houses. It the little village of Bol- 
grade, in which we were to pass our first 
night in Russia. 

"The intrepid tourists slept, local Goro- 
dovois, or fuzz, standing guard all night 
to dub the peasants away from the cars, 
and woke early, properly awed by the 
160 miles they were scheduled to cover 
before they slept aga We were no 
sooner up than we consulted our aner- 
oid. It was unfortunately somewhat low. 
Sensible people would have gone by 
train to Odessa, but we had not left Paris 
in order to be sensible , . . 

Anet’s three cars, all 1904s, were stark 
and simple. They had folding tops of 
sorts, but usually ran with them down. 
No windshields, of course. Only a few 
years Jater the grand touring car would 
be enclosed, sometimes with a leather 
landaulet rear section held taut by great 
folding irons. There might be a roof lug. 
gage rack of polished brass, and perhaps 
another astern, and the whole equipage 
would bowl along at a decorous 40 miles 
an hour or so. Later still, the touring car 
was always open, and it was meant more 
for occasional pleasure than for purpose- 
ful travel. Today the gran turismo car is 
a different animal. There's no room for 
the governess and the children, not much 
for luggage, and who needs a chauffeur? 
The GT car is a two-seater or, with a 
couple of exceptions, a minimal four- 
seater, usually a hardtop, and 40 miles 
an hour is what it does in first gear. It's 
for touring, fast touring with two people 
and light luggage for a week; it's for 
racing, it’s for fun. 


Purists lay it down that there is only 
one kind of CT car, and excepting 
Canoll Shelbys vitamin-packed GT 


350/500 and the Corvette Sting Ray, it 
comes from abroad, The fact is, there 
e three kinds—imported, Detroit and 
Detroit-based—but they differ so greatly 
in design and purpose that it would be 
pointless to try to treat them all in one 
article. 

So first things first—the European GT 
car on its home ground, In all major 
automobile: producing countries of Eu 
rope except England, there are no speed 
limits on the open read. England has a 
7ü-mph regulation, new, sill called 
"experimental" and violently opposed 
many quarters. In Germany, France, 
Italy, Sweden, once you're outside heavily 
populated areas, you can with a clear 
conscience stuff your foot as far into the 
wall as your bravery quotient, your 
skill and your common sense will let you. 
It’s in Italy that fullest advantage is taken 
of this leniency, and to be passed by 
a Ferrari or a Maserati or a Lamborghini 
doing 150 miles an hour 
ty. There's action on the 
Germany, too, and in Fr 
can often see a couple of black-le 


nce, where you 
thered 


bike cops standing beside the read ha 
ing a quiet chat while the stuff rolls by 
at a hundred and better. It's for going 
like that that the GT car is made. In this 
Nevada or 
ve massive influence in high places, 
T car can't often be extended all the 
way; but that doesn't really matter, be- 
cause a factor of high top speed is al- 
ways good low-speed performance. Too, 
the pleasure of the vehicle isn't in how 
fast it goes but in its way of going, its 
handling, its control, its tautness and the 
way it looks. To ride in a Ferrari, say, 
any Ferrari, is an excitement and a 
pleasure even if irs only down the street 
and around the park and never out of 
second gear, That, after all, is the essence 
of the gran turismo motorcar. 

There are many of them: Abarth, 
Autobianchi, Fiat, Glas, Honda, Ferrari 
Innocenti, Lancia, Marcos, Matra, Lo- 
tus, Morgan, Porsche, De "Tomaso, Vol 
vo, Toyota, Alfa Romeo, Bizzarrini, 
Jensen, Mercedes-Benz, and more. Out of 
the lot. one can cull a selection, a set of 
multiples, to inform, to enliven, to rouse 
the curiosity and make easy, at least 
reasonably easy, the final choice. 

In the beginning was Ferrari, Not lit- 
erally true, for Lancia is an older firm, so 
Daimler-Benz; but Enzo Ferrari, now 
the seventh decade of his life, has 
been racing and building fine motorcars 
for so long, and so well, that it would 
seem lése-majesté to begin with another. 
The Ferrari has won so many races, 
grand prix, sports, GT, that they are 
almost past numbering. The Ferr; 
unique. Even the sound of it, starting, 
running, is unique. It almost makes a 
noise standing still. There are various 
models of Ferrari, differing in engine 
sive, in top speed, bodied by various 
among the It in coachbuilders, but all 
alike in one particul: а 12-cylinder 
overhead-camshaft engine. Ferrari has 
stayed with this configuration for years. 
Consider the 330 GTC, a motorcar that 
meets the new classic GT specifications: 
fast (165 mph) transport for two pcople 
nd small encumbrances, good-looking, 
almost incredibly road-hugging. Expen- 
sive, too: $14,400. Like most GT i 
the higher-performance brackets, this 
Ferrari demands to be driven: Steering, 
clutch, gearshift, brakes all need a firm 
touch, and a little care for the accelera- 
tor, because you'll be doing 30 mph 
three seconds after you leave the stop 
Jight and 50 mph three seconds after that. 
The black horse rampant on a golden 
field that is the Ferrari trademark runs 
back to World War One. It was the per- 
sonal insignia of the top Italian fighter 
pilot, Francesco Baracca, whose parents 
authorized Ferrari to use it. 

A bull marks the newest of the Italian 
top-rank GT cars the Lamborghini, a 
serious rival to Ferrari for four years 
now. The word in Italian auto circles is 
that the Lamborgh ts because of 


5 


Enzo. Ferrari's well-known hauteu 
т not a 


. Fer 
easily approachable, 
and he is said to have declined to see 
Ferruccio Lamborghini—a__ millionaire 
industrialist who had come out of World 
War Two a penniless army mechanic— 
when Lamborghini dropped in at the 
Ferrari factory to complain about his 
car. Like Packard before him, Lambor 
ghini decided to make his own automo: 
bile. Its a formidable device. There are 
sizes, 3.5 liters and 4 liters, 
inder Vs. The Lamborghini i 
priced with Ferrari ($14,250) and will 
with it (156 mph, 7.5 seconds to 60), 
and it has something else: Comparative 
ly, йз quiet, inside and out. As Tve 

perhaps de- 
ncc J suspect most 
Ferrari owners would feel deprived il 
their cars didn't announce their coming 
and their going with the whining, metal 
on-metal sound so distinctively their 
own; but the trend of the time is running 
the other way, it's running Lamborghi 
ni's wa 


Not so many years have gone 
past since, say. Bugatti's time, when fast 
сату sounded fast always, rode roughly, 
taught their owners, through many a 
boiling over in traffic and many a fouled 
sparkplug, that high-performance en 
gines were born fussy. But that time has 
. The Lamborghini has muscle but 
speaks softly. An easy way to tell one as 
passes, by the way, is to mark the ver- 
tically placed heating wires in the rear 
window—12, if you have time to count. 
And, if you care, the crankshaft is ma 
chined out of a solid billet of steel, 
nitrided, and runs on seven bearings. 
ind 400 GT's are not the only 
Lamborgh There the M 
named alter the legendary stock of 
Spanish fighting bulls. The Miura is à 
two-seater, rather limited in luggage ac 
commodation, since the engine sits cross. 
wise just behind the pilot's post, but it’ 
quick: say, 180. You can tell this one 
from behind, too. The rear window 
appears to be one big Venetian blind 
No newcomer, but one of the Olym 
i 5 M , а great accom. 
plisher in sports cars, in grand prix, in 
gran turismo, for decades. Like Ferrari 
like Lamborghini, the Maserati is made 
slowly. carefully, a few a day, say 600 a 
year, perhaps 30 of which come into the 
United States in that ti There's a six 
cylinder Maserati, a 4.7-liter VB and a 
four-door 2--2 at $14,300—in price and 
performance, competitive with its Italian 
rivals. A Maserati is quick. A few 
months ago, in London, running down 
Constitut Hill pas Buckingham 
Palace in a twr Maserati, Stirling 
Moss at the wheel, we drew the auen 
tion of a pair of motorcycle policemen 
who contended that the car 
doing 85 hour 
coming out of Hyde Park Corner, 
(continued on page 138) 


had been 


miles an 


SCIENCE MARCHES ON 
wherein are traced man's relentless technological strides—from the discovery of fire 
to the invention of the 24-hour deodorant humor By RICHARD ARMOUR 


‘THESE DAYS, unless you can talk about science, you are out of it—sidetracked in conversations and frowned upon 
when you try to get the subject around to something you are up on, such as sex. Hence this historical survey, which 
I hope will prove helpful. 

"The word science comes from the Latin scire, meaning to know; and now that you know this, you can impress 
people who don't know what the word science comes from. In German, the word for science is Wissenschaft, which, 
interestingly enough, is feminine. You might keep this in mind the next time you see an attractive young labo- 
ratory assistant leaning over her microscope in a low-cut smock. 

One of the most important discoveries in early times was the discovery of fire. It is (continued on page 149) 


‘oLLywoop has long had a reputation for devouring its 

young: Most child stars enjoy success when small and 
then quictly disappear at adulthood, along with their dimples. 
Because television is still in its infancy, predictions can't be 
made about whether its own child stars await similar fates. 
But now, at least one TV tot has come back: Her name is 
Sherry Jackson, and she is video's first frecklefaced juvenile to 
flower imo a full-fledged femme fatale, 

Beginning in 1953 when she was ten (she had already 
appeared in several films), Sherry Jackson played the part of 
Danny Thomas’ pixyish daughter on ТУ? prototypal family 
comedy series Make Room for Da: At 15, Sherry outgrew 
the part and was "sent to college" —a grove of academe so 
distant she was never heard from again. 

Sherry was sure that her acting carcer was at an end. Cute 
but chubby, she lived the fat life for a few years, until her own 
day of reckoning came. “I knew I lacked a shape," Sherry says. 
“and that if 1 could get one, my acting experience and what- 
ever talent 1 had would get a chance to work for me.” 

So she went on a diet and attended. bodybuilding classes. 


MAKE ROOM 
FOR SHERRY 


‘onetime video moppet 
sherry Jackson's latest movie 
shows she's 
a big girl now 


Within two months, Sherry dropped 20 pounds, “The bulges,” sh 
says, "got moved around and rejiggered." Sherry, now measuring a 
fetching 36- s soon back on TV, guesting on such shows 
as Batman, The Wild, Wild West and Star Trek. 

Las year, producerdirector Blake (Breakfast at Tiffany's, A 
Shot in the Dark and Days of Wine and Roses) Edwards saw Sherry 
on TV and quickly made room for her in his newest film, the 
recently released Gunn. Sherry's adult motion-picture debut casts 
her as private eye Craig Stevens’ seductive bed warmer. Out from 
under wraps in a nude love scene only foreign audiences will sc 
she unveils an allure too hot for TV to handle. But as a new 
cinema siren, Sherry shows she's more than up to sex-star standards. 


Sherry Jackson grew up starring in the TV series “Make Room for 
Daddy.” Opposite page: At 10, she pouted so stylishly millions of 
American kids adopted the expression. When she was 14, Sherry 
played the high schooler, apple of TY father Danny Thomas eye. 
Right: In “Gunn,” Sherry hides behind curtain when leading man 
Craig Stevens enters his apartment. Below: A seductive Miss Jack- 
son makes Slevens, as private eye Peler Gunn, late for work 


Two versions of Sherry Jackson's "Gunn" theatrics were filmed. For U.S. audiences, the actress’ fine form 
is regrettably kept under covers (her one revealing sequence—in which she wore a diaphanous “Baby Doll” 
peignoit—was snipped by censors). Abroad, Sherry's private-eye-catching charms will be displayed au naturel. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RON JOY 


PLAYBOY 


76 


Dispateher (onini from page 64) 


lady from Watts, came every Monday to 
give the house a cleaning. 

“She called to say she can't get here,” 
my mother replied. “If it were anyone 
but Serena, I'd say they'd made the story 
up. Something about soldiers stopping 
her bus and making everyone get off.” 
What?’ 

My mother continued mopping. Noth- 
ing ever rattled her. Her mind always 
seemed to be elsewhere, probably in Des 
Moines, where she was born and raised 
and where all of her family still lived. 

“I sounded so silly, 1 really didn't pay 
attention, and at first L thought it was as 
if Sere had got drunk, or a little 
disturbed. But knowing Serena . 

“What, exactly, did she say, Mother?" 

My mother paused and rested on her 
mop. “Well, she was on the Central Ave- 
nue bus, and it was filled, mostly with 
day workers like herself, and in down- 
town L.A. it was stopped by a soldier. 
He was armed and Serena knew he was 
an MP, because her brother was once 
n MP, and am officer got on and 
nounced that the bus was being taken 
over for the day. He apologized and 
everything, but everyone had to get of 

“Then what happened?” 

“Nothing. A bunch of officers got on 
and the bus drove off in a dilferent di 
rection. They puta sign or something on 
it—orricers’ CLUB or something like that. 
Serena gave up and took a taxi home. 
You know how infrequently buses run. I 
can't blame the poor gi 

"But didn't anyone. protest?" 

“I didn't ask. Frank, could you please 
take these botiles ge?" 

As 1 went on this errand, 1 began to 
feel faint. I decided to visit Dr. Cyril 
Mandelbaum, our family physician. I 
had not been to Dr. Mandelbaum’s since 
my discharge. His pink-stucco house on 
a patched green plot off Pico Boulevard 
looked no better than before the War. 
An elderly nurse let me in and I settled 
о a sagging chair with a copy of the 
Los Angeles Times. There were five other 
people in the waiting room—a white- 
haired woman with a boy of about eight, 
a young Negro couple and a husky 
young man in denim work dothes. 

“Dr. Mandelbaum has been delayed 
at the hospital,” the nurse told us, “but I 
expect him any minute.” 

I paged through the Times, my vision 
blurred, my head throbbing. On the 
sports page, a small item drew my 
attention. 


ai 


FUN AND GAMES АТ SANDOVAL 
A special program of unusual ath- 
letic contests highlighted yesterday's 


the Lock City Lions, 4-3. 


Members of both squads volun- 
tered for the amusing games, 
which included a three-legged race, 
underleg basketball relay and swat- 
the-baron. Sandoval was declared 
winner of the special pregame com- 
n by Capta n A. M. Pulsifer, 
United States Army, who super 
vised the program 

“This is the fi 


of several such 
fitness programs.” said Captain Pul- 
sifer, “and we're delighted with the 
public acceptance. Fans and players 
both had a wonderful time.” 


looked like an idiot to the 
shaking my head and 
no, I mumbled, "it 


1 must hav 
other pati 
muttering. 
wasn't that wi 
fiction gotten into pi 
they reported the near 
The newspaper slipped from my lap 
nd I covered my eyes. 

In so. the office doors 
opened and out stepped not Dr. Cyril 
Mandelbaum but two men in Anny 
uniforms. One was a dapper first lieuten- 
ant with a yellow mustache and the ca- 
duceus on his starched collar. The other, 
a fat, ruddy mai er sergeant. 
Dr. Mandelbaum’s perplexed nurse was 
tailing them. 

'But can't you wait until Dr. Mandel- 
baum gets here?” she asked. “This must 
be a mistake. 

“Prepare the infirmary for sick call,” 
the officer snapped. 

"But Dr. Mandelbaum should” 
‘No time. I'm under orders to take 
this install. further notice. 
Don't stand there, nurse.” He barked at 
the sergeant ler. tell the enlisted 
men to line up." 

“Do they all have appointments with 
Dr. Mandelbaum?” she asked. 

He ed a mimeographed sheet at 
her. "Government. orders! 

I got up from my seat. “You're from 
M. A. C. E., aren't you?" 1 asked weakly. 
"What business is that of yours?” 

“I know a little bit about them. I was 
curious." 

His yellow mustache quivered. "Fig. 
ler, get that s name, rank and 
number. 

‘Sir, I'm not sure he's in Service." Fig 
ler seemed a little confused. ] guessed 
that these new assignments were so 
strange that even the personnel ordered 
to carry them out were puzzled. from 
e to time. "And the infirmary's ready 
nyway, sir. May we start sick call?” 
“Very well. Tell them to line up out- 
side. We'll do this as fast as possible." 

‘The lieutenant then marched into Dr. 
Mandelbaum's office and sat at his desk. 
Figler followed him in, but emerged 
immediately, brushing by the astounded 
nurse. He carried a large glass beaker 
containing a half-dozen thermometers. 


Dumbly we lined up at the office door— 
the woman and the boy, the two Ne- 
groes the man in work clothes and 
myself. With a speed and defines tha 
recalled to me every sick call I 
auended, Figler flew down the line and 
jammed thermometers into our mouths. 
He had one left over, so he put two in 
my mouth. No sooner were they i 
he ra 
yanked them out. Obvi 
possible for a reading to register in s 
short a time, but that did not both 
him. In any case, he barely glanced at 
the thermometers, putting them back into 
the beaker, which he gave to the nurse. 
ir!” Figler called to the officer. 
very one of these people is fit for duty. 
Not a sick one in the lot. We've had 
trouble with this outfit before.” 

"The rugged man in denims looked 
appealingly to me. “What'n hell is this? 
Who are these jokers?” 

“Гап not sure. But they're not joking. 

‘The medical officer barely heard Fig- 
ler. He was ripping pages from Dr. 
Mandelbaum's calendar, juggling paper 
clips, furiously dialing numbers and then 
hanging ир. n it, don't stand there 
all day! Come in! Wipe your fect before 
you dol" 

Figler ushered the old woman and the 
boy to the desk. They stood there fright- 
ened. The lieutenant barked: “Well?” 

“I ain't the patient,” she s "It's my 
grandson, Rollie. He gets dizzy and 
vomits.” 

The officer shook his head and gave 
her a small pillbox. “Take two of these 
every four hours and drink plenty of 
liquids! Next! 

“But I ain't sick," the woman pleaded. 
“It's Rollie.” 

“We are under no obligation to treat 
children of enlisted personnel. This is 
not an overseas install. 

“It isn't any kind of 
shouted. 

“Pipe down, soljer,” Serge: gler 
said. “The lootenant’s had about enough 
of you. We know your type. You wanna 
come on sick call, you keep yer mouth 


installation!” I 


his isn't sick call!" I protested. 
"s right id the husky man. 
"Where's Doc Mandelbaum?” 
wheah the real doctah?" 
young Negro ed. 
Whats your outfit, soljer?' 
asked the Negro. "Labor Бапа! 
of them troublemakers?” 
“Labah battalion?” He grabbed his 
wife's arm. “Lets git outa heah. 1 din't 
come for no sick call." They left quickly. 
The white-haired woman and the little 
boy followed them out 
the nurse wailed, 
у all of Dr. Mandel 


the 


baum’s patients!" 
(continued on page 170) 


HERB DAVIDSON 


x 


The Man Who Wrote Letters to Presidents 
fiction By William Wiser 
the tattoo on his wrist read “don't tread оп me"—a warning the world had ignored 


THE ALL-TIME LONGTIME LOSER of the world was a completely forgettable salad chef named Paul Greer. He 
blamed himself for his two divorces; he was a slack conversationalist; he had grating habits such as cracking his 
oversize knuckles in public and cleaning the fingernails of one hand with the fingernails of the other. The only 
telephone calls he received were wrong numbers due to the hazards of direct dialing, and his skimpy mail con- 

sted of solicitations from friendly Miami loan companies and an occasional blunt, overdue alimony notice 
from his second wife's Legal Aid representative. For six weeks he had been growing a pencil mustache, chang- 
ing his face from a zero to a zero with at least a line in the center. 

Somehow, in spite of two grim divorce-court settlements, Paul Greer had managed to retain ownership of 
an electric-blue sports car, made in France. He drove it to and from work at law-abiding speeds. The sports 
car was the only thing that set him apart from some 300 other employees of the Cairo Hotel, and he lived 
forever in the hope that the car's low-slung speedboat lines would prove an instant aphrodisiac to some Miami 
Reach waitress or hotel switchboard operator. It was for this reason that he always parked near the Silver Palm 
Lounge, a favored drinking corner of the local hotel employees; and when his day's quota of dinner salads had 
been met, he presented himself at the Silver Palm for a ritual nightly gin and tonic. He had been more than 
successful in buying drinks for an army of sweet young things just out of elevator uniforms or still wearing 
waitress aprons; but each girl invariably went home with a bellboy, a beachboy or even Harry, the bartender, 
while Paul Greer drove back to his miniature efficiency at the Checkerboard Apartments in Coconut Grove, 
across the romantic Venetian Causeway at a respectable 45 mph, with the car radio turned low to the top ten 
and the bucket scat empty beside him. For 23 of hi 
France, the land of his father and his father's father 

With his mustache at six weeks’ m 


39 years he had carried а rabbit's foot in his pocket—from 
but it had brought him no luck 
turity, Paul Greer walked into the late-afternoon gloom of the Silver 
Palm Lounge with a dash more of his usual optimistic anticipation. He mounted his favorite stool, strategi- 
cally near the draped entryway, stroking alternately the rabbit's foot and опе wing of his mustache, waiting 
for his weak eyes to adjust to the dark so that he might check around him for any unescorted Ladies the Silver 
Palm should contain at this hour. But it was too early, no one around; Harry had not even bothered to plug in 
the jukebox yet. Paul Greer was about to retreat, go back out to Collins Avenue and walk over to Indian Creek 
Drive to check the paint job on his car for scratches, to use up a little more of the dead part of the evening, when 
1 old man's voice asked out of the darkness: “What's your Social Security number, partner?" 
“What?” But belore he could stop himself, he was reciting: “401-30-9672." 
"Shake, partner, you're the first one 1 ever met yet that could reel off his numbers as good as me.” The 
old man moved (rom stool to stool until he was sitting next to Paul Greer. He remembered seeing the old man 
in the hotel kitchen earlier, on the afternoon shift, running racks of dessert plates into the dishwashing machine. 
“Meet 105-78-3110. Born loser. 1 lost my very first Social Security card I wasn't (continued on page 80) 


7 


PLAYBOY 


80 


Man Who Wrote Letters 


ten minutes out of their office. Hole in 
my pocket you could run your fist 
through. They cussed me out good, but 
they had to refund me another one. I 
memorized all my numbers alter that. 
Say, whats your timecard number?" 

“274. Why?” 

"Fm 885. New m 
They'll give me 


n. Temporary only. 
the old heave ho 


the next Cuban deflected from Cuba. 
comes in.” 
Paul Greer felt the old man's shriveled 


paw pick up his hand and shake it; he 

n of holding a worn out 
nis shoe in his hand. Harry moved 
the old man's beer down from the other 
end of the bar and poured a split of qui- 
nine water into a double shot of gin for 
Paul Greer. His drink in front of him, 
Paul Greer was officially crucified to the 
bar stool, trapped between the old man 


and the cash register. He drank, but not 


пе could cancel out the 
old-man smell of sour wine and dish- 
water. Why couldn't Kathleen, the new 
cashier, come in? Or Mildred, the cock- 
tail waitress at the Crown Jewel? No, it 
was Paul Greers eternal misfortune to 
all in with another loser like himself, 
elbow to elbow, at the Silver Palm. 

“In Twenty-nine, I was living on rag- 
weed salad and boiled swamp root. You 
should've seen me. My stomach was 
swelled up like nobodys business. I 
wrote President Hoover if he didn't 
quick send me a CARE pack and a bag 
of tobacco, I was done for, to subtract 
my number from the U.S. census." 

If he said nothing, maybe the old man 
would go away, but he could not keep 
from asking, “Did he answer?” 

“Answer? Hell, they have to. Afr: 
you won't vote for them next time 
around. He wrote and referred me to 
Welfare, which didn't exist in Florida 
yet. It was only 1929. Hell, yes they 
answer. Their leuer paper's got an cagle 
on it." 

Paul Greer had been expecting an- 
other Depression to hit any year now— 
two Depressions were none too many to 
predict in any losers lifetime. “WI 
did you do then?" he asked. He really 
wanted to know. He might need the 
information later om. 

"Only one thing a man can do when 
he’s down to rock bottom without а pad- 
ng your case to the attention. of 
1 author . I went and broke a 
beer bottle on a street curb in Tampa 
and swallowed two big jagged pieces of 
it in public. Must've. been a crowd of 
fifty seen me do it and not one soul 
amongst them stepped forward to volun- 
teer first aid. That's how far apart people 
have fell. Finally, a cop cune and put me 
under arrest. When he has to. а сор? 
take action. Providing he's his home 
precinct. They operated and got the 
glass out of me and I ended up in a nice 


even the quii 


(conunued from page 77) 


bed, with clean sheets and my own radio 
to listen to. They fed good, too, for a 
hospital. 

His eyes adjusted to the meager light, 
Paul Greer stared at the jockeysize 
figure perched om the bar stool beside 
him. He felt a chill his stomach, as if. 
he had swallowed the ice cube from his 
drink: The old man’s face could have 
been his own, change the color of the 
eyes, take away Paul Greer's new mus- 
tache and add 40 years of dried scars 
and gullies 

"What's your Service number, by the 
y?" the old man asked. 

'280-00-90." 

"Mine's 6349017. ‘They had a dil 
ferent series the First War. In 1918, I 
got drunk in a little Belgian town you 
never even heard the name of, before 
they blew it up. and the next day I went 
and tried to go over the top with a wine 
hangover, the worst kind, and got 
gassed. I later tried to get disability out 
of I wrote President Wilson, but he 
was signing peace treaties in Paris and 
his ofhce wrote and referred me back to 
the Army. My pension forms must've 
went through two-hundred-some-odd sec 
; Washington's probably got reels 
and reels of microfilm on me. Seven years 
later the VA wrote and told me no, it 
was my own negligence. Eyewitness from 
my own company said 1 went and forgot 
my gas mask. That's the kind of lovable 
buddies you had the First War. 

Suddenly Paul Greer wanted to share 
war reminiscences with the old man, tell 
him his own experiences as a baker sec- 
ond class in the South Pacific; but the 
only tale he had to trade was the time a 
Japanese mine exploded 50 yards from 
his destroyer's bow and ruined four oven 
racks of bread loaves: and, anyway. the 
old man was still talking. 

"Don't ever think I always just wrote 
letters to Presidents so as to get some- 
thing out of it for yours truly. I one time 
wrote Roosevelt if he didn't get his CCC 
boys off of the Florida Keys, they'd get 
blowed olf. A friend of mine was a pure- 
blood Seminole Indian and he knew a 
hurricane coming when he smelled one. 
Everybody except the right authoriti 
knew a hurricane was coming. The Gov- 
ernment's always the last one to get the 
ngle flamingo in the Ever- 
ng north and the goddamn 
dumb Government left all them boys, 1 
don't know how many. down at Es 
meralda camp.” 

Harry had put out pretzels and potato 
chips, and Paul Greer was snapping 
pretzel twigs between his fingers to keep 
from cracking his knuckles. "What 
finally happened?” 

“Happened? What finally happened 
one of the awfulest blows in Florida 


history and all them stranded CCC boys 
got washed out in the ocean on a tidal 
wave. 

"But didn't Roosevelt answer?" 

"Hell, yes, they always answer. Afr 
you won't vote for them next time 
around. Me and my Indian buddy was 
sitting the hurricane out in Homestead 
when I got a telegram, two days late, 
said, “ALL NECESSARY PRECAUTIONS НАМ 
BEEN TAKEN.’ Thats the Government for 
you. 

Paul Greer drank his drink down to 
the bare cubes. He did not nt to hear 
any more; he thought he would walk 
over to Indian Creck Drive and check 
the air pressure in his tires, but the old 
man put his worn-out tennisshoe hand 
on his arm and said, "Don't worry. They 
put up а real nice memorial monument 
for them—which is a hell of a lot тоге" 
you and me'll get—and every year the 
ladies from the Florida Historical Society 
puts a pot of wax flowers on it, first week 
in hurricane season. 

Paul Greer wanted to pay and 
away from the bar, but Harry had drifted 
from behind the cash register to a cofhn- 
shaped pinball machine in the far corner. 
The old man had to raise his shaky voice 
to talk above the sound of bells and 
buzzers. 

“Down in Key West one time on the 
bum, I tried to get a job in the post office. 
They're supposed to give you veteran's 
preference if you've fought a for 
them. But the First War's too old-fashion 
and long forgot for them. They give my 


mailman job out to a Young Republic 
I was sore as boils—I wrote President 
Truman about it and he referred me to 


service. 


c vil service didn't like my 
looks, on account of I didn't have no 
necktie on or on account of my tattoo, 
this here rattlesnake, or 1 don't know 
what, so they put me in their file and 
forgot about me. 

Harry had turned on the jukebox, and 
in the reflection of its watery neon light, 
Paul Greer could make out the pale-bhie 
reptile coiled along the old man's fore- 
arm, and the legend tattooed above | 


wrist that read: DON'T TREAD ON ME, 
а warning the world had evidently 
ignored. 


Nothing I could do but bring m 
case to the attention of the local author 
ties. 1 swallowed a fishhook in plain view 
of a church letting out [rom Sunday 
service. The entire congregation ringed 
theirself around me like I was a free cir- 
cus and nobody budged. Me turning 
blue and spitting blood and the preacher 
stepped up and asked me, ‘Why'd you 
son?’ 1 finally had to stagger in a 
phone box and call up an ambulance 
myself, in my condition. They operated 
on mea All told, I've had six probe. 
surgery operations. My stomach looks 
like a road map. lool 
(concluded on page H6) 


do i 


STRIPED FOR ACTION 


attire BY ROBERT L. GREEN the midsummer way to go to blazers 


THE DOUBLE-SREASTED BLAZER, O revivified all-secson favorite, makes the warm-weather scene sporting narrow—but obviously 
stalwort—striping. Peoked lapels have been coupled with stripes оп o dark background to give the wearer a casual jocket 
(complete with metol buttons) that looks right whether worn with tie, turtleneck or sport shirt. Matters ore very much in 
hand os our sortorially well-bolonced chop steadies his honey of o blonde whilst wearing a Vycran and cotton hopsack 
jacket with straightflap pockets and deep side vents that coordinates with his Vycron and cotton linen-weave slacks, both 
by Clubmon, $55 the ensemble. His silk ond cotton short-sleeved knit pullover with three-button closure is by Enro, $10. 


PHOTOGRAPH BY ALEXAS URBA 


81 


PLAYBOY 


82 


y 


peo 


"Then I said, ‘No, damn it! I've still got some integrity" And 


I refused to put in any more meatballs.” 


Ё 


NEES create and feed the illu- 
sions we live by. Instead of instruct- 
ing us, instead of telling us what's 
wrong with the country, they stuff our 
vanity." 

Poet Allan Katzman lifted one foot 
onto a desktop in his claustrophobic city 
room and stroked his beard reflectively. 
“The press is losing its power to report 
spontaneous events,” he went on. “But 
its gaining a new power—to create 
events; to turn news gathering into news 
making. The papers of pseudo events, 
news leaks and press releases offend no 
one; they take no moral stand. They are 
just . . . neutral. They furnish our bor- 
ing and repetitive lives with boring and 
repetitive “news.” ” 

Katzman is cofounder of a biweekly 
newspaper in Lower Manhattan called 
The Fast Village Other. The Other 
doesn’t separate fact from opinion. Из 
journalism is unabashedly, militantly 
interpretive: pro pot, peace, sex, psy- 
chedelics and subversion; anti most of 
what remains in switched-off American 
society. Since 1964, some two dozen simi- 
lar "underground" papers have sprung 
up across the country. A few died fast. 
The ret are now growing at an as 
tonishing clip—to a collective circulation 
pushing 270,000 in three years, with no 
sign of slowing down. 

Katzman's dismissal of the establish- 
ment press sounds mild next to the 
gripes of other underground proprietors. 
"Their charges run from “bland” or “igno- 
rant" all the way to "fascist," "hypocriti- 


cal" and "brainwashery." Paul Krassner, 
head man at The Realist, talks about an 
and John Wil. 


"escalation of bullshii 
cock, nationally syndica 
columnist, insists that 
are а corrupt advertising medium; 
they've forfeited their right to be called 
newspapers.” 

“They've let the people down and 
they've lost the people's confidence,” 


сосу" изо! 
LOTION OF рпцәри 


. "uq jopu zri 
peq шзи si уре KES epe poni 4 
Cup, suq LUAU, ps Kue 
1sut,, зүр рс мзд (O „дз“, , pAboC 
аен CysiEc LAU (LOU ,.p|suq., ot „Buo- 
Kube: of orper nuqciironuq biobuccour 
итршсшг bice голи ширу иске (о quc 

Krams layer SER Чаңы 
«ён оң ороем: 


Wilcock says. Like his fellow workers, he 
believes the demands of modern capital- 
ism have proved inimical to a free ex- 
change of information and ideas. “Most 
papers—even the holy Times—are up to 
their necks in old money and official con- 
nections. Their job is to keep certain 
blocs and certain ideas in power. Like, 
they'll write about pot ‘dope fiends’ like 
the Daily News did 30 years ago. But 
pots part of your scene . . . how can 
you believe a paper when you know it’s 
feeding you lies" From the vantage 
point of hip, the establishment media 
have only three reactions to a groovy 
scene: Ignore it, put it down or exploit it. 

“So where can people who want to bust 
out of monolithic culture discover one 
another?” rhetorically asks Ed Sanders, 
editor of a subunderground magazine. 
“Assembly places and media are con- 
trolled by the creeps, Establishment 
papers are demented; like a diplomatic 
mission in a foreign country—you have 
to asskiss your way in. And who can 


from berkeley to the east village, 
the always uninhibited, 
often outrageous, 
sometimes unintelligible 
anti-establishment newspapers 
are spokesmen for the hippies 


THE 
UNDERGROUND 
PRESS 


article By JACOB BRACKMAN 


M 


=A avoos Bevommwm 


bEEZ2 


DnHDEECEOnMD 


LHE 


«ак Ahoxcaseas Yor gye үл 
uic cca меха? 
төшүн. жиш йде 


ahs 


they speak for? They've no idea what 
it means to live in a slum on the edge 
of a city. A paper and its audience need 
a living relationship, like an organism, 
a tree. And you can get that now, because 
cultural migrations are happening in the 
country and pockets of protesting people 
are filling up the vacuums. A cat from 
the Village, say, can plug into a similar 
underground in cities all over.” 

Ranting about the establishment press, 
underground spokesmen may well come 
on like A. J. Liebling might have after an 
acid freak trip. But their vision of a “new 
life out there,” no longer able to stomach 
that old press, is undeniable. Hippies. 
anarchists, New Leftists, teeny Бор 
artists, gypsies, groupies, pacifists, n 
and heads—they comprise a new audi- 
ence, eager to subscribe to a new journal- 
іс product. Next to the mass readership 
(25,000,000 for Reader's Digest, 6,700,000 
for Life, 2,000,000 for the New York 
Daily News), the underground scems a 
pitifully small, impotent phenomenon. 
Yet its press has taken root in a climate 
unhealthy for entrepreneurial journalism 
—more than 400 papers have folded in 
the last 20 years. And as a cultural fifth 
column pressing a covert war of infiltra- 
tion, it may have something to say about 
the directions of mass society. Psychedelic 
drugs, disbelief in the Warren Commis- 
sion, nouveau poster art, interracial sex, 
Happenings and militant protest were 
accepted aspects of the underground 
scene, after all, long before they received 
attention from Henry Luce. 

The underground newspapers have 
not come into being to amplify establish- 
ment coverage. They wish to supply an 
antidote—a frontal assault on all morale 
boosting in conventional media. Thus, a 
full-page East Village Other cover photo 
recently grafted І. В. J.'s head onto the 
body of a Nazi storm trooper. 

This sort of opening for a lead story is 
not unusual: (continued on page 96) 


Wl роза ошо rpe род) oi з Liat 
cora bpo secu) зисд 
ook ppnz ч Qujpbsie үч paste 


a taste of travel 

finds our soft-spoken, 
freckle-faced august miss 
poised for future flight 


“FAIR AND SOFTLY goes far” a lilting 
English proverb six centuries old. 
doubly describes DeDe Lind, our perky 
August Playmate. Diminutive in inches 
and [mn (62 and 98. respectively), 
DeDe has a woman's figure and a fall of 
bright blonde hair as alluring as Lady 
Godiva's. And she's softspoken to the 
point of charming shyness. "I wish 1 
weren't quite so quiet,” DeDe says. “I 
really do like people and wish I could 
meet them more easily.” 

DeDe's reserve helps account for the 
fact that she’s left her native Southern 
California only twice in her 20 years, for 
visits to relatives in San Francisco (the 
journey is captured in the accompanying 
PLAYBOY photos) and in Denver. But why 
leave, when her Los Angeles days are 
filled with familiar friends and activities? 
Before noon on a typical day, DeDe revs 
up her 1959 Ford and takes off for one 
of her four favorite places: “It depends 
on my energy,” Miss August says. “If I 
don’t feel ambitious, I'll go for an easy 
horseback ride in Griffith Park, which is 
right in the city, or head in the opposite 
direction for a quiet afternoon on the 
beach at Santa Monica. But if I'm load. 
ed with get-up-and-go and the weather's 
great, I do the same things on a bigger 
scale. My favorite horse is at a little 
ranch in Malibu. From there I climb 
up through the foothills of the Santa 
Monica Mountains. The beaches 1 like 
best are out on Catalina Island, where 
I go when I feel like body surfing or 
scuba diving. Some of the reefs are so 
beautiful you never want to come up.” 

Early in the evening, DeDe turns to 
the kitchen and her principal avocation, 


Freckle-foced Miss August, а tap teen model 
in her high schacl days, displays grown-up 
charms at her San Francisco relatives’ pool. 


At left, DeDe dresses for a few hours of Son Francisco 
sightseeing with old high schoo! pol—now o gob—Relph 
Sorgotz, shown greeting Miss Augusi^s great-aunt Margaret. 


with a flair and success in cooking that does the 
Swedish and Italian roots of her family tree proud. 
"Like Mom's, my best main course is a spaghetti 
dish," DeDe says. “Then I switch to my father's side 
of the family when it comes to pastries or cakes.” 

To finish her upbeat day, DeDe accepts a party 
invitation that promises her kind of dancing: "I love 
rock ‘n’ roll," she says. "After all, when I was fourtecn, 
Elvis had already been around for five years so it's 
the music I grew up with. You go crazy for four hours 
and nobody cares and then you feel wonderful." 

Currently in transition from an adolescence 
which her pert features graced the covers of several 
teen-aimed magazines, Miss August has had parts re- 
cently in what she calls "two low-budget films" (like 
most soft-speakers, she gets to the point without gar- 
nishing it). And she's being photographed now a 
girl in an ad campaign for а new hair spray. 
to do everything from the TV comme 
picture wrapped around the aerosol can,” says DeDe. 

For a quiet miss, DeDe is not without opinions. “I 
don't see how we can get out,” she says of the war in 
Vietnam. “But—perhaps because I'm a girl and young 
—the thought of losing our young men way over there 
seems awful. 1 just hope that it really is worth it.” 

The many-lensed eye of Hollywood is taking aim at 
DeDe Lind, Look at her, listen to her talk and you 
can see it all happening. But before it does, DeDe just 
might decide that her trip to the City by the Bay 
should be the start of a time for traveling. “My grand- 
father on Daddy's side goes back to Sweden fairly 
оће DeDe says, “and always asks if І want to 
come. If I did, I could also get to see the few relatives 
Mom still knows about in Italy, It's awfully tempting. 

And so is DeDe, whose sentences have the force 
of honesty and whose fairness is bright enough 
to make you blink. How can DeDe not go far? 


After her first look ot the Golden Gote Bridge (right) ond 
a whorlside зпос in picturesque Sousolito, ере says good 
night to Rolph, who's on leove from duty in Vietncm. 


Ë 


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H 
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3 
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ПОП SSII 


“When | wasn't sightseeing,” DeDe says, “it was fun just to help Aunt Margaret around the house, call the friends | know in San 
Francisco or go over my uncle's pile of magozines that used my pictures. | fell in love with everything you're supposed to love 
—the cable cars, the Bridge and even gloomy old deserted Alcatraz—but it still was great to get back to my game room in LA.” 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIO CASILLI 


PLAY BOY’S PARTY JOKES 


We're newlyweds and we'd like a suite," said 
the groom to the hotel clerk. 
ба?” inquired the clerk. 
“Oh, no!” blurted out the bride. 
hang onto his ears until I get used to 


Cy 


UBBL 
йз 


A young man walked into a drugstore that was 
being tended by the owner's somewhat prudish 
wife. “May I have six contraceptives, miss?" 
he asked. 

"Don't ‘miss’ me,” she replied. 

"OK," the eager fellow said, “better make it 


‘ve heard about a girl who wanted a 
divorce because her husband was getting 
ferent. 


The 60-year-old patient explained his predica- 
ment to the doctor. He had recently married a 
gorgeous girl in her 20s, but unfortunately, 
ight at bedtime, when he and the love- 
de were ready and willing, he would fall 


The doctor scribbled out a prescription and 
handed it to the patient. The old man’s face lit 
up as he said, "You mean that now I'll be able 
i ks 
"No." the doctor interrupted, “I'm afraid I 
can't do anything about that. But now at least 
she'll fall asleep, too.” 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines: 


tease as а girl who is always thinking of a man's 
happiness—and how to prevent it. 


ramification as what made Mary have a little 
lamb. 


whipped cream as masochistic milk. 
buccaneer as a hell of a price to pay for corn. 


gossip as someone who puts one and one to- 
gether—even if they're not. 


chivalry as а man’s inclination to protect a 
woman from everyone but himself. 


nymphomaniac as a go-go-go-go girl. 


sleep as that which, if you don't get enough of, 
you wake up half a. 


Two cannibals were chatting over lunch. One 
said, “You know, I just can’t stand my mother- 
in-law. 
“Forget about her,” 
eat the noodles!" 


the other replied, “just 


Then there was the comely girl who got her 
birth-control pills mixed up with her saccharin 
tablets, and now she has the sweetest little 
baby in town! 


One of our foreign correspondents swears that 
he heard the following station break in Israel: 
“This is Radio Tel Aviv, 1500 on your AM 
dial, but for you, 1498.” 


A taxi driver was cruising for a fare when a 
pregnant woman, crossing against a red light. 
walked right in front of his cab. He slammed 
on the brakes and yelled indignantly out the 
window, “You better watch out, lady, or you'll 
yet knocked down, too. 


bby Brome 


The Martian landed in Las Vegas and walked 
into a nearby casino. He passed a slot machine 
that suddenly whirred noisily, then. disgorged 
a jackpot of silver dollars. The Martian looked. 
closely at the machine and then said: "You 
know, vou're foolish not to stay home with a 
«old like that.” 


Heard а good one lately? Send it on a post- 
card to Party Jokes Editor, ттАүвоү, Playboy 
Building, 919 N. Michigan Ave, Chicago, 
ПІ. 60611, and earn $50 Ys cach johe used. 
In case of duplicates, payment is made for 
first card received. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“We forgot the picnic basket! 


ШИШИШИ ДНИ 


| 


TO BRIGHTEN Ur your summer wardrobe, shed the s 
dated fashion formula that calls for a patterned shirt to be 
coupled with a solid-color tie (or vice versa). Its a perfect 
time to stylishly alter your image by tastefully mixing and 
matching pattern with pattern, However, while picking your 
pairings from among the many new styles in shirts and ties 
now on the market, you should fa ize yourself 
few of the ground rules, Patterned shirts, for instance, al 
communicate one solid background color, regardless of how 
complex the design. For best results, coordinate this single 
shade with the background color in a patterned cravat (we 
recommend the upbeat new styles in three- or fourinch 
widths). Also check to see whether the shirt and the tie bal- 
ance each other; a bold plaid or stripe in the shirt is comple- 
mented by a tight tie pattern. Remember, too, that the busier 
the pattern of the shirt, the more ground there should be in 
the tie. Your goal is to achieve a bright new look, one in 
which shirt and tie complement—but do not overpower—a 
suit or sports coat. The latest offerings in shirt colors range 
from fuller hues (deep blues, browns and oranges) to new 
dimensions in patterns (wide-track gray stripes on pink). The 
immediate future of neckwear includes the revival of bold 
club figures and the appearance of East Indian abstract de 
signs. By wisely coordinating the colors and patterns in both 
shirt and tie, today’s man easily becomes a great mixer 


MIN MASTERY 


how to shake the play-safe sartorial doldrums 
with colorfully correct combinations 


attire By ROBERT L GREEN 


Six shirts paired with ties that mix ond match in tosteful style. Top, 
left to right: A pink cotton oxford shirt with wide-irack kelly-green 
stripes, by Gant, $8, is complemented by a wild-pink tussah-silk 
tie in herringbone weave, by Tucker, $5. A British cotton button- 
down shirt with olive, pewter ond chili stripes on а gold back- 
ground, by Gant, about $11, couples correctly with o black cotton 
tie thet hos o chili-and-olive leafy pattern, by Taylor, $4. A blue- 
gray cotton chambray shirt with white pencil stripes, by Eagle, 
about $8.50, sariorially coordinates with a red-and-navy giant- 
zigzag-patterned silk tie, by John Weitz for 8urma Bibas, $7.50. 
Bottom, left to right: antique-gold cotton and polyester shirt with 
blue-and-rust woven stripe, by Eagle, $8.50, colorfully combines with 
а predominately black-and-ton houndstooth-patterned wide wool 
tie, by Taylor, $4. A bronze cotton gingham shirt with rust and white 
checks, by Sero, $8, goes well with o hand-blocked brown-print 
раћегп on gold imported silk tie, by Tucker, $6.50. A blue-ond- 
white minicheck cotton broadcloth shirt, by Gant, $10, coor tes 
with a red-ond-blue silk tie, designed by Nino Ricci for Hut, $5. 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY BOB BRUNTON 


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Sometime in March, in Paris, in 
a courtroom of the world, the dead 
will speak; burned flesh will ooze 
upon the witness chair; the wounds 
of the tortured will reopen and 
missing fingers point as America the 
Beautiful stands accused of war 
crimes, and there is no one willing 
to defend her... 


Ultraradical rhetoric, however, is but 
a portion of the underground staple. On 
the lighter side, EVO has run a regu- 
lar housewifey column, “High on the 
Range" ('stimulating" recipes calling for 
па or hash); a reader correspond- 
ence section called “tripstripstrips” (a 
psychedelic show and tel; Timothy 
Leary's column, “Turn On/Tunc In/ 
Drop Our" (Norman Vincent Pcale to 
the generation of mutant); irregular 
cartoon strips (such as Sunshine Girl); 
“Where It's At” (the hipster's calendar 
of events); a photo feature dubbed “Slum 
Goddess" (a Poverty Playmate from the 
tenement next door); and some editorial 
rumblings, aptly entided “Poor Para- 
noid's Almanac.” 

These are just the mainstays. Recent 
20-odd-page issues have featured articles 
covering germ warfare in Vietnam, 
the antibrassiere movement, Cardinal 
("Hawk") Spellman, the abortion circuit, 
an impeach-Johnson campaign, trepana- 
tion (drilling a hole in the cranium for 
“permanent turn-on"), а “desert call" to 
U.S. troops, mass skinny dipping, apoca- 
lyptic tattooing and Nelson Rockefeller 

“Pickpocket Robber Baron”), as well as 
occasional fiction and. poetry. Also, the 
“Personal” columns of EVO reveal more 
of the life style of the underground t 
icles, whether offering lessons 
on the sitar or happily promiscuous 
sexual relationships. 

A newspaper, finally, is a vision of the 
world. The young underground press is 
struggling to counter with its own vision 
—now loving, now wildly messianic, now 
passionate and venomous, now with. 
drawn in disgust—against what it claims 
to be the repressive, monolithic vision of 
the “establishment blats.” Most often, 
the new rebel papers might be writing 
about another planet altogether. Where 
the establishment press has L. B. J., Rom- 
ney, Reagan and Bobby Kennedy, the 
underground papers have Staughton 
Lynd, Mario Savio, Tom Hayden and 
Louis Abolafia. The establishment makes 
folk heroes of Bob Hope, Natalie Wood, 
Sinatra, Twiggy, Jackie, the Beatles, 
Doris Day, Pat Boone, Truman Capote 
and Johnny Carson, The underground 
does the same of Ken Kesey, the Grateful 
Dead, USCO, Madalyn Murray, William 
Burroughs, Albert Ellis, Alan Watts, 


(continued from page 83) 


Mcher Baba, Che Guevara, Ravi Shan- 
kar and the Kuchar brothers. The estab- 
lishment is haunted by the ghosts of 


Lincoln, Jefferson, John Kennedy, 
Churchill, “Pope John and Eleanor 
Roosevelt; the underground, by the 


ghosts of Jesus, Aldous Huxley, Lenny 
Bruce, Charlie Parker, Malcolm X and 
А. J- Muse. ЕР. critics write political 
analyses of literature. U.P. pundits pour 
out literary analyses of politicians. Estab- 
lishment papers go to weddings, ban- 
quets, Broadway shows and testimonials; 
underground papers, to acid tests, love 
ins, light works and free-beaching. The 
E.P. spies on Liz and Dick, Pat and Luci; 
the U.P., on Mick Jagger and Marianne 
Faithfull, Ginsberg and Orlovsky. The 
E.P. learns from Dr. Spock, Admiral Rick- 


over, John W. Gardner; the U.P., from 
Wilhelm Reich, A. S. Neill and Maria 
Montessori. The establishment battles 


narcotics, homosexuals, subversives, free 
love and extremism, and fosters Medi- 
care, the Peace Corps and the transit 
authorities. The underground battles 
HUAG, the Pentagon, the CIA, corpora- 
tions, university administrations, and 
seeks legalization of abortion, marijuana 
and miscegenation. Every now and then, 
the San Francisco Examiner, say, and the 
two-year-old Berkeley Barb cover the 
same story. The Examiner says "bearded 
leftists"; the Barb says “dissident ele- 
ments.” The Examiner says “a local right 
wing organization”; the Barb says “a local 
hate group.” The Examiner says “the civil 
Tights situation in Oakland”; the Barb 
says “brutality and segregation in Oak- 
land." The Examiner says "protest 
march"; the Barb says "pilgrimage." The 
Examiner says "riot"; the Barb says 
"confrontation." The Examiner says "po- 
lice officers re-established order"; the 
Barb says "fuzz suppressed." 


One spring in Eisenhower America, 
just halfway through the torpor of the 
1950s, Norman Mailer helped launch a 
weekly newspaper in New York City, 
which he named The Village Voice. 
From Dan Wolf (still editor) came the 
idea for the paper; from Ed Fancher 
(till. publisher) came most of the 1 
capital; and from Mailer—not a little 
heartened at the critical attacks on his 
third published novel—came some fitful 
work around the newsroom and—in the 
fourth month of the Voice's infancy —a 


е, tormented паге 
“Ac heart, 1 

mused later. “and the Village was al 
ready glimpsed as the field for battle.” 
His guerrilla attacks on the “tight sphinc- 
ter" of the Village community lasted 
through 18 issues. When he began, the 
Voice, almost unknown, was losing a 


thousand dollars а week. It took the ра 
per eight years to climb out of the red. 
But when Mailer quit, complaining to 
readers of “grievous errors” in the setting 
of his prose, it was already a conversa- 
tion piece throughout the city. 

Mailer admitted even then that the 
friction between himself and the editors 
ran deeper than typography. Some years 
later, he wrote of their clashing dreams 
for the paper: “They wanted it to be suc- 
cessful; I wanted it to be outrageous. 
They wanted a newspaper that could 
satisly the conservative c 
church news, meeting of poli 
zati so forth. I believed we could 
grow only if we tried to reach an audi 
ence in which no newspaper had yet 
been interested. I had the feeling of an 
underground revolution on its way, and 
I do not know that 1 was wrong." 

From this early dialectic of editorial 
hip and square emerged an inevitable 
compromise: an inveterately liberal, of- 
ten courageous, occasionally capricious 
journal, not yet hipster, not yet radical, 
not yet reaching out into the caves on 
the edge of the city, but stoutly de- 
dlining the "snow jobs" of the establish. 
ment press. Mailer's success formula (the 
defiant rejection of all success formulas) 
was outvoted. It the 
sad destiny of his intelligence to be 
ready for revolution before the troops 
were ready; and it is doubtful that the 
hip paper he envisioned could have sur- 
vived as handsomely as did the Voice. 
His premonition of underground stirring. 
however, was far from mistaken, 

The Voice grew and by its side, if 
never quite encompassed by it, hip 
grew. Then, in the mid-Fifties, re- 
pelled by the vacuous complacency of 
Ike society, the folklore of Beat spread 
over the highways, along the rails, from 
New York, through Mexico, to San Fran- 
cisco and back East across the campuses 
Kerouac and Ginsberg were its prophets 
and Madison Avenue provided free pro- 
motion. As yet, the communitics of 
dissent were insufficient to support an ac- 
tual newspaper. But underground publi- 
cations, some mimeographed almost on 
the run, a few persisting staunchly into 
the Sixties, began to spring up in large 
cities: Combustion in Toronto (perhaps 
the first high-class, large-scale mimeo nev 
work), Beatitude Francisco, Maga- 
zinc, My Own Magazine, C, Mother, 
Entrails, Intercourse. In the past 15 
, many hundreds—no onc knows 
precisely how many—of different fringe 
publications have been privately dis 
tributed, sold over the counter at dis 
reputable bookstores or hawked on the 
streets of New York, Los Angeles, San 
Francisco, Chicago. Detroit, Montreal 
and Toronto. While the Voice construct- 
ed its civilizing bridge between the most 

(continued on page 151) 


was, as ever, 


ANSON’S LAST 
ASSIGNMENT 


memoir By TOM MAYER 


a minor skirmish in a vietnam 
rice paddy sets the stage for 
a battle-scarred photographer's 
most poignant war picture 


ır SHOULD HAVE BEEN one of Anson's last 
operations. He was doing a book, for 
which he had received and spent an ad- 
vance from an American publisher, and 
he fgured he needed only three more 
stories to finish it. He wanted something 
on the Koreans, his section on the Spe- 
cial Forces wasn't complete, and he 
wanted to ride those new air-cushion 
boats the РАСУ, that they're using 
down in the Delta. Then he was going 
back to England; he'd even bought his 
plane ticket He was hoping for some 
sort of part-time arrangement with 
‘Time-Life, but said he was going home 
whether it came through or not. 

He asked me if 1 wanted to go along 
for the Koreans, and I said sure. Since 
he was shooting strictly for his book, we 
wouldn't be in competition, and 1 always 
liked traveling with him. He had 
planned to go out with the Capitol divi- 
sion, but 1 had already done that, and 
suggested we do the Marines. It didn't 


make any difference to him, so we 
booked ourselves That was Tuesday 
morning. 


We left Saigon on Wednesday, took 
flight 653 up to Danang, spent the eve- 


ning in the Press Center bar dri 
vodka collinses, and flew down to Chu 
Lai the next morning on a U.S. Marine 
C47. Captain Kim, the Korean Marine 
publicinformation officer, met ws there 
and drove us by jeep to brigade head 
quarters. 

Headquarters ed on a hill 
overlooking a s ng zone and 
was very sharp and permanentlooking. 
» planted 
lc of the main approach road, 
ks connected the n sild- 
ings and sandbag and gravel paths bor- 
dered by 105mm shell casings went to 
the others. All the buildings were solidly 
constructed, with carefully fitted joints 
and camouflage paint jobs and screens 
weren't torn or saggy. The brig 
diers house had a hot-water heater, an 
ir conditioner and a precisely clipped 
little lawn of Kentucky bluegrass out in 
front. There were many sentries, in faded 
starched fatigues, carrying M-2s, 


on cach s 
boardwa 


and 


they snapped salutes and shouted some 
thing at us in Korean every time we 
came within 50 feet. But beyond all the 
doors were deep sandbagged bunkers, 
reminders that this was still a war zo 
even if a well-policed onc. Kim told us 
the V. C. had mortared them twice. The 
Koreans had been shifted up from 1 
Corps only a month before and had had 
three big fights the first week. 

We dropped our gear in a barracks for 
transient VIPs and field.grade officers. 
Phe building was made of plywood and 
corrugated-tin roofing over a framework 
of three by fives, with lots of screen for 
ventilation. The cots had clean sheets on 


them, there were thong shower slippers 
beside every bed and each of us had an 
listed orderly. Besides Anson and my- 
cH, there were two Korean lieutenant 
colonels staying there. Carefully laun- 
per camoullag, 
ucs—hung from the 
o-netting wire above their cow. 
captain left us alone to wash up 
before lunch. Anson lay down on his cot 
and stretched, his arms behind his head. 

“Rather splendid, this,” he said. 

“The comforts of home,” I agreed. 

One of the orderlies came up from the 
other end of the barracks 
little bow. 1 bowed back 

“Latrine shower," he said. 
you come?" 


dered extra 


"p show, 


We followed him outside, The latrine 
was a magnificent four-seater. They had 
it faced so that you could look out across 
valley to a big landing zone, where 
every few minutes an H-34 or a Huey 
clattered in or out. In the washroom, the 
orderly filled plastic bowls for us and 
we sloshed water over our faces and 
combed our hair. The scars on. Anson's 
face seemed rawer, redder, when they 
were wet. 

By then it was 1300, so we went up to 
the senior officers’ mess. Inside was а 
stained-wood Баг and lounge with com- 
fortable wicker chairs. Pictures of dress 
parades, portraits of officers and plaques 
hung on the walls. Everybody was there 
waiting for us—the general and the 
chief of staff and about 15 lieutenant 
colonels and majors. We were introduced 
to all of them, but the only two I really 
member were the general and the colo- 
nel. The general had the kind of beard 
that always makes a man look as if he's 
been in the field overnight, two large 
black m. 


les on 


left cheek, a thick 


ridge of sc 


ssue over his eyebrows, 
and he did not talk so much as grunt. 
Except for the 


amaculate uniform, he 
піса me of a Hollywood Chinese 
bandit chief. The colonel’s face was well 
fleshed and sleck, and his hair was neatly 


combed and (continued on page 131) 


rem 


97 


98 


A HORSE’S HEAD 


Concluding a new novel By EVAN HUNTER 


SYNOPSIS: It was a rare spring day. 
Mullaney—one year out of marriage and 
long out of touch with Lady Luck—had 
a hot tip on the fourth at Aqueduct and 
was killing himself trying to borrow $50 
when the black Cadillac limousine pulled 
up and a distinguished-looking gentle- 
man named Gouda invited him inside at 
gunpoint. “Take me out to Aqueduct,” 
Mullaney said jokingly; but they took 
him to a stonecutter s establishment next 
10 a cemetery and told him he was going 
to be a stand-in for a corpse that had a 
date in Rome. 

“The original corpse jumped out of the 
car on Fourteenth Street,” Gouda ex- 
plained. “This gentleman will make a 
fine corpse.” Gouda's boss, the man with 
the gold К tie tack, agreed. And the 
plane to Rome was waiting to take off. 
But Mullaney did not want to be a 
corpse. "We have no choice,’ K said, 
“therefore, you have mo choice” It 
sounded very logical. 

They made him put on a black burial 
suit; the jacket was heavy and too tight, 
though the lining made a nice whisper- 
ing rusile. “Perfect,” K said. "Put him 
in the coffin” He was still objecting 
when someone hit him over the head. 

He woke up half believing he was a 
corpse in Rome. Instead—as he leamed 
—the coffin had been hijacked on the 
way to the airport, Gouda was dead and 
Mullaney was being taken back to New 
York to meet Grubel, a criminal master- 
mind who was now running the show. 
Grubel was ugly, but Merilee, the girl 
in Grubel's apartment, definitely wes 
not. Grubel wanted to know the where- 
abouts of a сетат half million dollars 
in heist money. 

“I suggest you tell me, sir, or we 
may be forced to kill you,” he said to 
Mullaney. 

“If you kill me,” Mullaney heard him- 
self say, “you'll never find out where the 
money is.” Suddenly he knew where it 
was. 

“I know where the money is! he said, 
“and РИ be happy to get it for you, but 
. . - I'd have to go for it alone” 

Take the girl,’ Grubel said, giving 
her a gun. 

Mullaney and Merilee shook off a pair 
of Grubel's clumsily tailing gorillas by 
ducking into the public library and find- 
ing a. deserted, book-crammed room. 

“We're going to make love on a bed 
of five hundred thousand dollars,” he 
told Merilee. 


“The money,” she moaned. 
“Turn you green,” he whispered. 
“Yes, yes, turn me.” 

“Spread you like honey,” he said. 

“Oh, yes, spread me” 

Afterward, he sat up. “Ate you ready?” 
he asked, tearing the lining of the jacket. 

“I am ready,” she said, her eyes glow- 
ing. 

“Here it comes," Mullaney said, “five 
hundred thousand dollars in American 
money, ta-rah!” and he allowed the lining 
to fall away. 


4: CALLAHAN 


ane rackets of bills fell to the floor just 
like the rain Mullaney had expected— 
plop, plop, plop, great big drops of bills 
falling to the marble floor of the library 
and raising a cloud of dust that at first 
obscured his vision a bit and caused him 
to believe that perhaps he was not qui 
seeing what he thought he was seeing. 
Plop, plop, plop, the packets kept falling 
out of the jacket and  paucring all 
around, while he and the girl stared 
down at their $500,000 rain, and the 
dust settled, and they kept staring down 
at the packets, and Mul wanted to 
weep. 

The packets were worth exactly ten 
cents, because that is how much The 
New York Times costs on a Friday, and 
that is exactly what these were made of 
—The New York Times. Mullaney kept 
staring down at the packets that some 
one had cut very nicely into the shape of 
dollar bills and then stacked and bound 
neatly with rubber bands, each packet 
slim enough to be sewn into a funeral 
jacket. He did not raise his eyes from the 
slowly settling dust, because, to tell the 
truth, he was а little embarrassed about 
facing the girl. 

“It seems to be newspaper." he said, 
and cleared his throat. 

“Yes, indeed,” Merilee said. 

They kept staring at the cut stacks of 
newspaper. 

“Oh,” the girl said at last, "I get it.” 

“Yes, it's only newspaper," Mullaney 
said, 


‘ou didn't know, is that it?” 
What do you mean?" 
ou didn't know about the news- 


pa 


“Of course not. How could H 
He stared at her in sudden realization. 


You mean you knew?" 
‘Oh, yes, indeed; we all knew.” 
“But how? How could you pos 


“Because Gouda was working for u 

“Gouda?” 

“Yes. Didn't you know that, either?” 

"No, I didn’t know that, either,” 
Mullaney said, thinking, Where there 
is cheese, there is also sometimes a rat. 
Gouda. 

“Oh, yes, indeed,” Merilee said. “And 
he took the five hundred thousand dol- 
Jars out of the jacket and put the paper 
scraps in its pla 

"E scc," Mullaney said. "But what 
happened to the five hundred. thousand 
dollars?" 

“He delivered it to Grubel, just the 
мау he was supposed to." 

“I beg your pardon?" 

"He delivered it to Grubel.” 

“The five hundred thousand dollars?” 

“Well, give or take.” 

“Then Grubel already has the money." 
Well, no." 


"Who does have it?" 
"K, I would imagine. Or one of his 


it was delivered to Grubel— 
t was delivered to Grubel, yes, in- 
deed," Merilee said, "but someone must 
have known the switch would take 
place.” 
“I don't. understand.” 
“A triple cros,” Merilec 
“I still don’t understand. 
“The money Gouda de 
was counter! m 
his is all very confusing,” Mullaney 


vered to us 


said. 

"Oh, yes, indeed,” Merilee agreed. 
and his fellows knew G 
Boing to switch the bills, so they substi 
tuted counterfeit money for the real 
moncy, which counterfeit money Gouda 
subsequently stole, leaving paper scraps 
in its place?” 

“That's it" Mcrilee sai 

“But why should K 
to all the bother of s 
Rome if they knew 
the 
now," Merilee said. "But 
that's why Grubel had the cofin hi- 
jacked. When he realized the bills were 
counterfeit, he assumed the real money 


ида was 


and giggled 
1 his fellows go 
pping a coffin to 
there were only 


he was a born gambler, but he never thought he'd have to stake 


his life on a beautiful girl, a seeing-eye dog and a game of jacks 


ILLUSTRATION BY BOB POST 


PLAYBOY 


100 


was still hidden in the coffin someplace.” 


1 apparently it's not in the jacket, 
either,” Mullancy said. He looked at the 
jacket again. There was nothing terribly 
remarkable about it. It seemed to be an 
locking jacket, made of black 
wool, he supposed—or perhaps worsted, 
which was probably wool. he was never 
very good on fabrics, volume FA-FO— 
with four round black buttons on each 
sleeve near the cuff and three large 
black buttons at the front of the jacket 
opposite three buttonholes in the over- 
lapping flap; a very ordinary jacket, with 
mothing to recommend it for fashion- 
able wear, unless you were about to be 
buried. He opened the blacksilk lining 
again and searched the inner seams of 
the jacket, thinking perhaps a few 
hundred thousand dollar bills were per- 
haps pinned up there somehow; but all 
he felt was the silk and the worsted, or 
whatever it was. He thrust his hand into 
the breast pocket and the two side 
pockets and then he searched the inner 
pocket on one side of the jacket and then 
on the other, but all of the pockets were 
empty. He crumpled the lapels in his 
hands, thinking perhaps the real money 
was sewn into the lapels, but there was 
neither a strange sound nor a strange 
feel to them. То make certain, he tore a 
lapel stitch with his teeth and ripped the 
entire lapel open, revealing the canvas 
but nothing else. He was extremely puz- 
дей. He buttoned the jacket and looked 
at it buttoned, and then he unbuttoned 
the jacket and looked at it that way 
again, but the jacket stared back at him 
either way, black and mute and obstinate. 
“Well,” he said, “I don't know. I just 
don't know what the hell it is.” 
the girl said. "Oh, my my 


"Oh, my" 

They were silent again. 

Into the silence there came the unholy 
clamor of a ringing bell, startling Mulla- 
ney so much that he leaped back against 
the wall and then was surprised to find 
himself shaking. He had not realized un- 
til just this moment that the worthless 
collection of clipped newspapers at his 
feet represented something more than 

ast the end of a gambler’s dream. This 
pile of garbage containing yester 
baseball scores and war casualties, yes- 
terday's stock. prices and theater reviews, 
this worthless pile of shredded garbage 
st at his fect 
пеу were willing to read 
correctly, an obituary notice announc- 
ing the untimely demise of one Andrew 
Mullaney himself, to take place in the 
joresceable future, It was one 
thing to consider running out on Smoke- 
stack Grubel when you were in poses 
sion of half a million dollars and a 
beautiful blonde. It was another to think 


of running out on him when you had 
only a mangled copy of this morning's 
Times and a blonde who was be 
to get a distinct hangdog expressio: 
could not understand the hangdog cx- 
pression, but there it was, spreading 
across her mouth and drawing down the 
corners of her eyes. Oh, boy, Mullaney 
thought, I'm going to be in pretty big 
trouble soon. 

“That's why you should always get 
the money first," the girl said suddenly, 
as though she had been mulling it over 
for quite some time. 

"I guess so," Mullaney said. He stung 
the jacket over his arm, thinking he 
might just as well hang onto 
event he had a brilliant. inspiration 
later, which inspiration seemed. like the 
remotest possibility at the moment. 

“Oh, boy, Grubel’s going to ki 
Пее said. 

Mmm." 

“Grubel’s going to absolutely murder 
you." 

“Listen, did you hear a bell?" Mulla- 


“1 think youd better get out of New 
York,” the girl “I think you'd better 
get off the planet carth, if you want my 
advice, because Grubel is going to kill 
you. 

“Well .. ." Mullaney said, and he 
hesitated, because he was about to make 
a speech, and he rarely made speeches. 
He was going to make a speech because 
he incorrectly assumed everything was 
ending instead of just beginning, and he 
thought it would be nice to say some- 
thing to commemorate the event. He 
started thinking about what he was 
going to say as he led the girl toward 
the red light burning over the exit door 
at the far end of the labyrinth. By the 
time they reached the door, he knew 
what he wanted to tell her. Не put his 
hand on her arm. The girl turned and 
stared up at him, her flaxen hair aglow 
with spilled red light, her eyes wide and 
solemn and fitting to the occasion. 

“Merilee,” he said, “I really thought 
the money was inside this jacket, and 1 
can't tell you how sad it makes me that 
it was only paper scraps. But in spite of 
that, 1 remember what happened before 
I opened the jacket. 1 remember you, 
ad so whatever happened after- 
t matter at all; the disap- 
pointment doesn’t matter, the possibility 
that I'm now in danger doesn’t matter, 
none of it matters except what happened 
with you. That was good, Merilee, that 
was something ГЇЇ never forget as long 
as I live, because it was real and honest 
and, Merilee, it was just really really 
good, wasn’t it” 


“No,” the girl said, “it was lousy.” 


‘The guard at the front door of the li- 
so far 


brary bawled them out for lagi 
behind all the others and ca 
unlock the door after he had alre 
carefully locked it for the night—did 
they think he had nothing to do but lock 
d unlock doors all night long? Mulla 
y supposed the guard did have a great 
many other things to do, so he didn't 
argue with him, he just meekly allowed 
himself to be let out of the library and 
then he walked down the steps and 
stood with the girl near one of the lions 
d figured they would have (o say 
goodbye. She would go back to Grubel, 
he supposed, and he would go he didn't 
know where. 
хы s 
"m supposed to 
know," she said. 
fou might just as well,” he answered. 
"m terribly sorry the relationship 
," she said. 


shoot 


you, you 


“I'm grateful, 
“When they et you theyll gat you, 
you know . . 
"I know." 
7... Vou just tell them you escaped, 
OK? Thats what PH tell them." 
"OK. that's what ТИ tell them, too.” 
“Well.” the girl said, and glanced over 
her shoulder. 


“It was very nice knowing you," 
Mullaney said. 

"Oh, yes, indeed,” she answered, and 
walked away. 

Well meet again, he thought, not 
really believing that they would. He 


thrust his hands into the pockets of the 
tooshort trousers and began walking 
downtown on Fifth Avenue. A breeze 
had sprung up and he was a bit chilly 
now, but the jacket was in tatters and he 
was too embarrassed to wear it. He be 
gan wondering about the jacket. He was 
very good at deductions based on the 
condition of the track and the number of 
times out and the number of wins and 
losses and the weight of the jockey and 
all that. He was also very good at figur 
ing the true odds on any given roll of the 
dice as opposed to the house odds, and 
he could calculate, within reason, the pos- 
sibility of, say. drawing two cards to a 
flush, very good indeed at doing all of 
as why he'd lost 
his shirt over the past y 
actually lost his shirt, was 
possession of his jasmine shirt, 


which 


пок a very good gam- 
bler; he was simply a gambler who'd had 
a run of bad luck. Being equipped, 
thercfore, with a coolly calculating mind 
that was capable of figuring combina 
tions, permutations and such, lic put it to 

(continued on page 104) 


og 


“Don't you worry, Мт. Kiernan—we'll have you out of there in no time!’ 


101 


102 


ICE & EASY 


formulas and appurtenances for cool libations to lower the temperature and raise the spirit 


drink By THOMAS MARIO THE MORF TORRID the outside temperature, the more fun it is to feel the first exhilarat 
ing tingle of a planter's punch, to reach for a tom collins as tall as a glacier or for a julep that's Klondike cold. Drinks 
made with cracked or crushed ice need not be elaborately constructed addenda to sedate lawn parties. Some of the best 
known are made by merely pouring liquor over coarsely cracked ice. A perfect example is ouzo, the Greek aperi 
tif liqueur. Like the French pastis and other Mediterranean members of the anise family, it tur 


s a glacial white when 


churned with ice or water. It's sipped with equal gusto before the meal or after the (continued оп page 173) 


The latest gadgetry to foster frosty toasting. From left to right: Ikon glass froster chills glass in three seconds, from 
Abercrombie & Fitch, $10. Tap-Icer easily shatters ice cubes, by Waldon, $2. Datry-Bar electric drink mixer comes 
with 20-oz. container, by Iona, $14.95. Electric ice crusher can crush four trays of cubes in 90 seconds, by Waring 

$29 95. Ice-crusher attachment, $14.50, shown on base of Cookbook blender, $59.95, both by Hamilton-Beach. Com 


bination electric can opener and ice crusher comes with plastic ice container, by Oster, about $30. Cook 'N' Stir 


blender is ideal for churning out well-chilled drinks, also cooks food in the heat-resistant carafe, by Ronson, $89.95 


PLAYBOY 


104 


HORSE’S HEAD 


use in speculating about the jacket, and 
the first thought that occurred to him 
was that K and his fellows knew its secret 
and that he had better find them as soon 
as possible, The only trouble was that 
Mullaney didn't know where he had 
been this morning, other than that it 
the edge of a cemetery. Wai 
he thought, n't there a 
t I notice a sign, something 


was oi 


funeral; no, the hearse in the back yard 
made me think of his funeral, an excel- 
lent hearse, that and the marble stones, 
IN MEMORY OF—wait a minute, one of 
them had a name on it, now hold it, 
what was the name on that stone, just a 
minute, the large black marble stone, 
and across the face of it, IN LOVING 
MEMORY ОЕ... 

Who? 

In loving memory of all the pleasures 
I will no longer enjoy on this sweet 
green earth. 

Жез az 

LOVING . . . 
MEMORY . . 

Got it! he thought, as it came to him 
in a terrifying rush, IN LOVING MEMORY 
OF MARTIN CALLAHAN, LOVING HUSBAND, 
1935-1967, crazy! and he hoped it wasn't 
just a dummy stone left around the yard 
for prospective customers to examine for 
chiseling styles. 

He found an open drugstore on 38th 
Street and looked up the name Martin 
Callahan in the Manhattan telephone 
book, discovering that there were two 
such Callahans listed and thinking, so 
far, so good, I've got 20 cents, and a 
phone call costs a. dime, and there are 
only two Martin Callaha so I can't 
lose. He went into the phone booth and 
dialed the first Martin. Callahan. and 
waited while the phone rang on thc 
other end. There was no answer. This 
was Friday night. If this was the quick 
Callahan, he ht very well be out 
stepping. Mullaney hung up, retrieved 
his dime (which was one half of his 
fortune) and dialed the second Martin 
Callahan, 

“Hello?” a woman 
the sound of music 


aid. There was 
n the background, 


" he said, "my name is Andrew 
Mullaney. I was out at a cemetery this 
morning. 1 

"What?" the woman said. 


- —” He paused. 
the woman said. 

‘our husband was Martin Callahan, 
wasn't he? 


d last month," she said. 
Well, Га like to get a stone just like 
Mullaney said, "but I can't remem- 
where I saw it. Would you 


his, 
ber 


(continued from page 100) 


remember the name of the stonecuter?* 
don't talk to strangers on the tele- 
phone," the woman said, and hung up. 

"But . . ," Mullaney said in retro- 
spect, and dien sighed and put the 
receiver back onto its hook. 

His dime came clattering into the 
coin-return chute 

He stared at it in disbelief for а то. 
ment and then lavishly thanked God and 
the New York Telephone Company for 
kind omen, which, he was certain, 
signaled a change of fortune for him. 
Encouraged now, he consulted the tele- 
phone book once again, discovered that 
the late Martin Callahan's widow lived 
on East 36th Street and headed there 
immediately, hoping to convince her in 
person that it was quite all right to di- 
vulge the name of a stonccutter, even to 
a stranger. 

The name on the mailbox was M. Cal- 
lahan and the apartment listed was 4B. 
He took the elevator up to the fourth 
floor and heard music and voices and 
laughter the moment he stepped into the 
corridor, ‘The sounds were coming from 
behind the door to apartment 4B. The 
widow Callahan, though recently de- 
prived of her husband, was apparently 
having herselt a Friday-night bash. 
Vigorously, Mullaney banged on the 
door and waited. He heard the clattering 
approach of high heels and the chain 
being drawn back and the door being 
unlocked. 

The door opened. 

“I called just а few minutes ago," he 
said. “About the stonecuttes 

“Well, come on in, honey, and have a 
i the woman said. 

‘The woman was Nefertiti; the woman 
was Cleopatra as she must have really 
looked; thc woman was colored and 
in her late 20s, her skin as brown as 
tobacco, her eyes glowing and glinting 
and black, her hair cropped tight to her 
skull, huge golden earrings dangling, 
mouth full and parted in a beautiful 
wicked smile over great white spark! 
teeth, the better to eat you with, my 
dear; he had written sonnets about girls 
like this. 

There was behind her the insinuating 
beat of a funky jazz tune, Thelonious 
Monk or Hampton Hawes; there was be- 
hind her the smoky grayness of a room 
different to skin, the insistent dink and 
dash of whiskied ice and laughter. the 
oft-key humming of a sinewy blonde in a 
purple dress, the finger-snapping click of 
a lean dark Negro in a dark-blue suit; 
there was behind her the aroma of 
bodies, the aroma of perfume. And—also 
her, also seeming to rise from far 
id her where lions roared to the vel- 
vet night and Kilimanjaro rose in misty 
splendor—rising from far behind her, 


like mist itself, and undetected by her as 
she stood in smiling welcome in the door- 
way, one long brown slender arm resting 
on the door jamb, was a scent as com- 
forting as a continent; he had written 
sonnets about girls like this. 

“Well, come on in, honey, do,” she 
id, and turned her back and went into 
the room. 

He followed her in, watching her 
lovely sinuous behind in the tight Pucci 
dress as she walked across the room 
ahead of him. She turned a small pirou- 
eue, lifted one hand, wrist bent, and 
said, "I'm Mrs. Callahan, why'd you 
hang up?" 

"You hung up," he said. 

“That's right, I never talk to strangers 
on the telephone." 

"So why'd you let me into the apart- 
ment?" he asked, logically. 


"I'm partial to blue eyes 


fy eyes are brown." 
Так why I let you in." 
"But you вай nd 
m drunk who knows what I'm 
saying?” 
What's 


our first пате?” he asked. 


‘Why'd you let me in, Melanie?” 
Because you have the look of a man 
who is searching for something. I like 
that look, even though Mother always 
taught me to regard such a man with 
suspicion and doubt.” 
Is that how you regard me?" 
“Yes, What is it you're searching for?” 

"Half a million dollars.” 

“Will you settle for the name of the 
stonecutter?" 

"For the time bei 

“Oh, my, what will the man want 
next?” Melanie said, and rolled her eyes. 
She extended her hand to him. “Come, 
she said. 

"Where?" 

"To get you a drink." 

"And the stonccutter's. name?" 

"Later, man. Don't you trust me?" 
1 trust you," Mullaney said. 
That's fine," Melanie answered, “be- 
se I have never trusted a white man 
my entire life, including my recently 
departed. husband.” 

"Then why are you helping пи" 

“I's the blue eyes that get me, 
said. 

"They're brown 

“Yes, but I'm drunk. Also, 
you to look so suspicious a 
I want you to look con 
contented.” 

“How will we manage tha 
asked. 
have never kissed a man who did 
not look extremely contented afterward.” 

“Oh, do you plan to kiss me?” 
(continued on page 158) 


she 


. I don't like 
па searching. 
ed, man, 


Mulla- 


ROOM 312 


it was a sleazy firetrap of a hotel, but in one of its grubby cubicles 
lay the miraculous opportunity to remake a life—or lose a wife 


fiction By С. L. TASSONE силкез знылом had been а desk derk at the 
Hotel Madison for almost 30 years. He had watched it deteriorate from one of the 
finer hotels in the city to its present condition, just a shade better than a flophousc 
Shelton seldom thought about the good years. He was not one to live in the 
past. He lived from day to day, satisfied to sit behind the registration desk, reading 
his detective magazines and watching people come and go 
Sam Webster owned the Hotel Madison. He was over 60. 
eyes, and clothes that were almost as old and shabby as his building. He constantly 
worked a cigar around in his tight mouth, and when he was in the hotel he drank 
whiskey from a bottle he kept under Shelton's desk. Webster didn’t believe in 


1 no hair, bulgi 


PLAYBOY 


improvements. He had bought the Madi- 
son when it was almost new, and if he 
could find any excuse to avoid putting 
money into it, even if that meant chew- 
ing gum for the plumbing and Scotch 
pe for the cracked windows, he took it. 
Sam came to the hotel about twice a 
week. He picked up the receipts from 
the safe behind the desk, nodded to 
Shelton and, occasionally, looked over 
the books, He was as tight with his 
conversation as he was with his money. 

One Tuesday evening just after Shel- 
ad come to work. Sam Webster 
n, puffing on a damp cigar. His 
wet from the cold drizzle out- 
d his glasses were covered with a 
. He nodded to Shelton, re- 
coat and began to go over the 
books When he had finished, he re- 
lighted his cigar, took four or five deep 
drags 

"Charlie, how long you been with me 
now?" 

"Almost thirty years,” Shelton said, 
looking up from his True Detective 
magazine. 

“And so, alter thirty years, you decide 
to start stealing from me? You don't 
think I pay you enough?" 

"I don't understand, Mr. Webster.” 

"I don't understand, either. The 
books, they don't balance. The last few 
months, I noticed something's wrong. 1 
ligure either you are pocketing money or 
people aren't paying for th 
Which is it, Charlie?" 

“Mr. Webster, I'm not a thief.” 

“You never seemed like one to me, but 
where is the money going? I'm asking 
jou.” 

Viu Ийнек aka paper cup from 
the water cooler, the boule of whiskey 
from beneath the desk, and poured 
himself a drink. 

“Well, Charlie, I can have some audi 
tors come in and figure out just how 
much is missing, or do you want to tell 
me about it?” 

Shelton looked at the bottle of whis- 
key. He wished that he had a drink. In 
30 ycars, Sam Webster had never offered 
him anything. 

Shelton cleared his throat. "It's a long 
story and a little involved, Mr. Webster. 
But to make it short —we don't always 


as long as you been around, 
you know a hotcl like this, thcy don't 
advance, they gotta have luggage. 
Now, where is all the luggage for these 
people who skip out? You're not sleeping 
behind that desk, are you?" 

Shelton wiped his forehead with his 
handkerchief. He took a drink of water 
from the cooler. His throat still felt dry. 
“It isn't that. It's room 312. I noticed it 
about a year ago. I was going to tell 
you.” 

“What about 312? There's something 
wrong with the room? What is it? 1 don't 


106 want no repair bills." 


“It’s a little difficult to expla 
ton was still perspiring. "Its like this, 
Mr. Webster, when someone checks into 
$12—they're gone. No one ever sees 
them again." 

Sam Webster poured himself another 
drink and swallowed it in one gulp. 
"Charlie, Гуе known you for thirty 
years. Now, what the hell kind of story is 
that? Whata you mean- they're gone?" 

“They're just gone, that’s all. They 
disappear. If they check in alter two 
AM, they're all right, but if they take 
the room before that time, they're never 
here in the morning. Every trace is 
gone—luggage, everything. The way I 
figure it, it happens sometime between 
midnight and two A.M.” 

"Yeah, and just where do they go, 
Charlie?” 

“I don't know, Mr. Webster. All the 
people I've checked into the room, I've 
never seen any of them again. That's 
why I usually keep it for the bums and 
the winos. Mostly, I just keep it empty.” 

"Charlie, you're sure you're not crazy? 
You're sure this really happens?" 

“Mr. Webster, stay tonight. I'll check 
someone into 312." 

Sam Webster picked up the phone 
and called his wife. 

"Honey," he said. “I won't be home 
tonight. A little trouble here at the hotel. 
No, nothing serious" Hc placed the 
receiver down on its cradle. 

"Charlie, I stay in this dump all night 
and you feeding me a story, I ain't gonna 
like it" 

"Mr. Webster, I've been with 
almost thirty years." 

"Yeah, I know. OK, I'm gonna have 
some dinner. Don't check anyone into 
312 until I get back." 

It was still raining when Sam Webster 
returned from dinner. Shelton had just 
finished a copy of Official Detective and 
was eating a sandwich he had had sent 
over from Rudy's Diner. Webster took 
off his wet coat and sat down in one of 
the overstuffed chairs in the lobby. He 
bent down and untied the laces of his 
shoes. He loosened his tie and took a 
fresh cigar out of his pocket 

At eight o'clock, Shelton checked in a 
young couple from Waterloo, lowa. At 
8:30, two salesmen, and along toward 
nine o'clock, а seedy-looking bum in a 
tan overcoat. The bum had a wine bottle 
under his arm and Shelton got the three 
dollars in advance. He gave him the key 
to 312. 

Sam Webster followed the tan over- 
coat into the elevator, got out with it on 
the third floor and watched it walk un- 
steadily into 312. He went down to the 
end of the hall, sat down in a wicker 
chair that was covered h dust and 
lighted another cigar. Ву 1:30 A.M. he 
had smoked eight cigars. At that hour, 
he got off the chair and took the elevator 
to the lobby. 


you 


Shelton was drinking coffee out of a 
green Thermos. 

“Well.” Sam Webster said, “almost 
two o'clock and nothing happened.” 

“There's nothing to happen," Shelton 
said. "At two o'clock, I'll take the passkey 
and we'll go up there and he'll be gone.” 

“Let's go now," Sam Webster said. 

“I's almost two o'clock. І don't t 
to go into the room until I'm certain that 
it happened." 

“I still can't believe it. I just 
believe it. This has gotta be some 
of crazy story. 

At two AM. sharp, Sam Webster 
grabbed the passkey and hurried into 
the elevator, with Shelton following him. 
Webster was breathing heavily when 
312. "You sure it’s sale?" 
don't want to get hit by 
lightning or anything. 

“There's no lightning,” Shelton said. 

Sam Webster opened the door a 
crack The room was dark. He pushed 
the door all the way open. He waited for 
the clerk to precede him into the room. 
Shelton snapped the light on. The room 
was empty. The bed had been slept in, 
but there wasn't a trace of anyone or 
anything. No clothes, no wine bottle; 
everything was gone. 

Webster looked around the room. He 
searched the bathroom and the closet. 
bed twice. 
he said. “1 just 
can't believe it." He sat down on the bed 
d then jumped up, as though he were 
afraid he, too, might disappear. “Let's 
go,” he said. Shelton locked the door and 
they took the elevator back to the lobby. 

Sam Webster took the whiskey bottle 
from beneath the desk and poured two 
drinks. "Here's to us, Charlie," he said. 
"A toast 

“What arc wc toasting, Mr. Webste: 

Sam drank his whiskcy. "I don't know. 
What the hell, this is really something 
big. There's bound to be some great 
thing we can do with this." 

"Maybe we should call the police." 
Shelton said. 

Sam Webster coughed whiskey all 
over himself, He was choking and his 
face was red. “Call the police! What the 
hell do we need the police for? We got a 
great discovery here. You call your wife 
and tell her you'll be late, We're going to 
work something oui 

don't have to call my wife. I don't 
have a 

“No? What happeucd? I thought 1 

her a few years ago. A little woman 


"s right. She's not with me any- 
11 be ten months the end of next 
week; 
“Oh, I'm sorry to 
How did it happen? 
“Well, to tell you the truth, it was 
room $12. I got tired of her nagging. She 
was never satisfied with anything, not 
(continued on page 142) 


ar that, Charlie. 


107 


PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR 


november's lisa baker handily outpolled her rivals in april’s 
playmate play-off to win the crown of centerfold queen 


“HI, BEAUTIFUL,” began a typical fan letter to Lisa Baker from a company of Gls 

in Vietnam. Their to-the-point salutation sums up our readers’ response to soft-spoken, 

speed-loving Lisa, who outstripped her able-bodied competition in our April Playmate 
-off by a margin that surprised only herself: “I'd been afraid even to get my hopes up." 

At presstime, Lisa's friends hadn't yet accustomed themselves to her prestigious new title 

(“I just told them to wait and see"), but her own astonishment was quickly erased 

by the Playmate Pink Plymouth Barracuda (left) that heads the list of her 

regal rewards. Lisa's harvest of gifts, a queen's ransom (text concluded on page 142) 


A devotee of the best and newest sounds in jazz and pop music (left), 

Lisa posed with several of her most-often-played sides in her centerfold 

debut last fall. To keep her in the groove while serving as Playmate of the Year 
(and thereafter), she receives a record-contract audition from Monument; 

LP libraries from Cadet, Capitol and Mercury, and a Sony tape recorder. 


“Being a Playmate is a natural thing for any girl to do,” observed Lisa 
—already a veteran of PLAYBOY promotional appearances from coast to co. 
play-off campaign speech; her remarks struck a responsive chord 
in the electorate, and, as these unobstructed views attest, Lisa's a natural for the role. 


PLAYBOY 


"This bed cost me $63 in 1964. So far Гое 
made $78,432 profit on it.” 


the double talk of love from "The Lives of Gallant Ladies" by the Abbé de Brantóme 


Ribald Classic 


ANY MAN who had seen the courts of our Kings François 
and Henri П, even if he had seen the whole world, 
would be sure to say that he had never beheld anything 
so lovely as our queens and ladies of the court. And one 
of the things he might have observed about them is that 
they follow the description by Lord du Bellay, who spoke 
of his mistress as "sober of speech but brisk in bed." 
Of course, he meant sober when in conversation with 
all and sundry, for love makes ladies both eloquent and 


free in their talk; and 1 have heard many lords and 
gallant nobles say that great ladies are more lascivious 


than any whore when they 
There, 

suggestions and conversation, even freely naming the 
goods they carry at the bottom of their bag. Yet, in polite 
company, not a word of all this comes to their lips—they 
are masters of self-control. 

But in my time, I did know one very Jovely lady who 
spoke without thinking. She was discussing, once at 
court, the events of the recent Чуй wars, when she 
suddenly meant to say, “1 understand that the king has 
blown up all the ponts of such and such a country,” but 
instead put a "c" where the “p” should have been. I 
imagine that, having just slept with her lover or hus- 
band, she had that little word on the tip of her tongue. 

Another lady, seeing her husband parading up and 
down in the palace hall one day, could not refrain from 
saying to her lover, "Look at our man over there— 
doesn't he look a real cuckold? I would have sinned 
against nature if І hadn't made him one 
obviously designed and built him to be just that.” 

Another lady used to say that the privy parts of wom- 
en were like hens, which, if they lack water, get the pip 
and die. Both should be frequently and carefully watered. 

То which another lady added that she thought of hers 
as being more like a garden. The expectable rain that fell 
from the skies was not enough for her to be fh 
at was how she happened to use her 
watering ca 

In a word, speech in the game of lovemaking is a 
powerful instrument; and when it is lacking, the pleasure 
of the game is much less. Besides, if a lovely body does 
not have a lovely spirit, it is really more like a statue of 
itself than a human form, And if it is to be truly loved, 
however beautiful it may be, it must be accompanied by 


re in the privacy of bed. 


they entertain their lovers with the lewdest 


-because she 


а lively intelligence. A beautiful lady is twice as exciting 
if she have wit as well as looks. 

I think of a certain charming lady, a widow of about 
30 who was bantering one day with a gentleman— 
hoping to attract him to make Jove to her. She was about 
to mount her horse, when the apron of her cloak caught 
on something and, to help her, he took hold of it. She 
turned, saying, “See what you have done, you rascal; 
you have torn me in front.” 

Шу would be most sorry to have hurt such a fir 
ad pretty part," he replied. 
And whatever do you know 
s a face you have never seen. 

Now, now," replied the gentleman, "when you were a 
little girl and your petticoats flew up, I often saw it 
peeping ou 

"Oh," she said, "then it was a mere slip of a face 
without any whiskers. It hardly knew what life was all 
about. Now that she's grown a beard, you just wouldn't 
know he 

“At least she hasn't changed her position, has she 
think I could find her in the same old place?” 
Yes,” said the lady, “the same place—though my 
husband stirred her up quite and he used to wear 
her more often than. Diogenes wore his barrel." 

“What can she do hout being stirred?” asked the 
noble. 

"No more th a clock that is never wound.” 

You had better watch ou he said, "and see that she 
docs not suffer the fate of those clocks left too long 
without winding. Their springs grow rusty and then they 
are of no use at all.” 


bout it?" she said. 


dock we are th 
good condition, wound or unwound, and always ready 
when winding time shall come round again.” 

he said, "when the time comes, 
that Т may be the winder.” 

“When that festive day does come,” answered the 
lady, “we won't spend it idle. My clock and 1 will make 
it a full working day. But God help the man I do not love 
h as yo 

Thus saying with these double-meaning stabs thai 
pierced him to the heart, the lady heartily 
and mounted her horse to ride away 

—Retold by Jonah Craig EB 


g of will not rust. It is always i 


issed 


ns 


PLAYBOY 


116 that they 


Man Who Wrote Letters 


‘The old man pulled the Tshirt out of 
is belt, It was true. Paul Greer stared at 
sawtoothed edges of surgical scars 
twisted across the old man's stomach. All 
that Paul Greer had to show for 39 years 
of low man's luck were the nicks on 
bis thumbs from carving thousands of 
radishes into rosettes, 

Let me tell you something, and 1 
when I go to the VA or to 
iployment, or if 1 go into Social 
Security or the Red Cross or anyplace, 1 
want the girl behind the desk to treat 
me like a human man and give me 
ordinary decent respectfulness like 1 de- 
serve. By God, I'm a human man with 
name and a face and feclings like every- 
body else. I'm not looking for some snotty 
clerk at the counter to call me ‘You’ or 
"Next or a number. I've had Presidents 
of the United States call me Mister, and 
they almost always get my name right, 
too. 

Speaking of names, Paul Greer want- 
ed to tell the old man about his father, 
H who lost his twostar res- 


taurant to creditors in Lyons and took a 
cattle boat to the New World, and how 
ame was flaue 


his 


on Ellis Island, but the old man w: 
wound up to take a breath and listen. 

"And another thing, this goddamn 
numbers racket gets my goat By the 
time you're my age, you got so many 
numbers attached to you, you turn into a 
laundry list. Only way a man can fight 
back is carry a ticket puncher in his hip 
pocket, and every time you get hold of an 
IBM card, punch hell out of it and throw 
a monkey wrench in their machinery. 
Catch me using a Code? Hell, 
I don't even. put a Zip Code on the 
President's letters. 

M I write the President, I don't. just 
write looking to get gravy for yours 
truly. 1 write to try to get a Hyspeck of 
attention for all the old drifters washed 
up on 0.5. shores, left behind down 
the doldrums like me. Why, I'd a hell of 
a lot rather go in front of a firing squad 
than go into one more Government file; 
I'm damn near buried in case numbers 
is, already,” 

For some reason, Paul Greer suddenly 
remembered that Diners’ Club. 
application was still pending; he would 
write them tonight and cancel out. 

"You won't believe this, but 1 once 
dove for sponges off Sarasota with the 
Greeks, till I got too old to hold my 
breath. 1 went back one season, Fifty- 
thre th it was, to work the boats 
with them, but plastic sponges had come 
in and the n ponge trade went to 
the devil Try selling a genuine real 
sponge to a woman nowadays, she'll 
throw you off the porch. Housewifes 
don't know nothing about housekeep 
n't learn on TV. 


(continued from page 80) 


“Well, anyway, me and this Greek 
family I lived with, we got down to four 
dollars and there was seven mouths to 
feed, not counting yours truly. We ate 
spoilt. tomatoes ull we was sweating 
tomato juice. Made a whole meal one 
time out of boiled potato peels. Coconuts 
we picked up out of the gutter for dessert 
Before they'd have to put their oldest 
girl out on the street for a whore, I got 
hold of a postoffice pen and wrote 
Eisenhower a four-page letter. But my 
mistake was | went and forgot it was 
McCarthy's heydays, and for an answer 
1 got an FBI guy knocking on our door 
to find out if any of us was Communists. 
The Greeks threw me out on my ear, 
flat, for getting them investigated, Can't 
hardly blame them: They'll have a black 
mark in Washington for the rest of their 
life. The FBI warned me 1 was a known 
crank from then on and under strict sur- 
veillance and I'd lose my mail privilege 
and my passport if I didn't wath my 
goddamn step.” The old man wept, no 
n of it: The tears fell into his beer 
“After that, 1 sort of lost touch 
with the White House.” 

When the pretzel sticks were Lroken 
to crumbs and finally reduced to pow 
der, Paul Greer began cleaning the 
ls of one hand with the finger- 


My last job, I took a job night watch- 
man of a parking lot out in Coral Gables 
—uy living on sixty-five-fifty a month 
Social Security sometime, if you want to 
live dangerous—but I got sick and tired 
of being called Whitey and Shorty and 
Pop and went and let the air out of some 
snot's tires one night. So they fired me." 

The gullies in the old man’s face ran 
wet with tears and Paul Greer wanted to 
buy the old man another beer, but he 
saw по way to signal Harry away from 
the pinball machine. 

“The last letter I ever wrote a Presi 
dent, or ever will write, I wrote to Ken- 
nedy—the only President on TV that 
knew how to smile a real honest smile— 
but some son of a bitch down in Texas 
killed him before he could answer me.” 

The old man dropped his hands to his 
hips and, in a sudden fumbling spasm, 
emptied his pockets onto the bar: a dirty 
khaki handkerchief, some small change 
(mostly dimes), a mimeographed 1.1. 
card from the А-1 Employment Agency, 
a ticket punch and а safety pin. 
1 swallowed a whole box of staples 
one time, but I just vomited them back 
1 went and swal 
‚ bottle and 
and they had to fish it out, out at the 
A hos, The doc out there, he kept 
calling me Old-Timer, which always gets 
my goat. 'Old-Timer, he says, ‘one of 
these days you're liable to swallow one 
dangerous object too many.’ Trying to 
use psychiatry on me. To needle him I 


said, "What about a nice big ope 
safety pin?’ and he got sore 
"You swallow a pin and 
catch in your gull 
your the heart” 
was, he wished I would 

Paul would give the old man five dol 
Jars, what the hel ng into his 
pocket his hand touched first on the rab: 
Dit's foot. Just then the old man picked 
up the safety | 


id's diapers. They. puta oe ic кү 
catch on them now so they won't acci- 
dental open up and stick your baby. 

He opened the plastic catch to show 
Paul Greer how worked. Then he 
rocked backward on the stool, opened 
wide his toothless mouth and dropped 
the safety pin into it. He rocked forward 
. With a terrible gagging sound, 
the old man washed the pin down with a 
swallow of beer. 

Paul Greer felt himself go numb. Not 
since the explosion of the J 
reverberated through his sh 
not even the night he came home to find 
his first wife in the shower with a bus boy 
from the Cairo Hotel, had he know 
panic like the panic he felt now, uy’ 
to remember whether the safety pin 
had been opened or closed when the old 
man swallowed it. When he could move 
, he pulled the rabbits [oot from 
his pocket, thrust it onto the bar in front 
of the old man and fled. 

Somehow, two blocks from the Silver 
Palm Lounge, he found himself sitting 
salely behind the wheel of his clectric 
blue sports car, parked in the luxuri. 
shade of a coconut. palm. He did not try 
to start the car, His pencil mustache was 
dripping perspiration, and somewhere 
between Collins Avenue and Indi 
Creek Drive his legs seemed to h 
dropped off at the knees—but he would 
be all right in a litle while, he told him. 
ccom: 
He was a man who could 
12 seconds, pro 
vided the vegetable oil was pure and the 
not been refrigerated. He had 
ded the Good Conduct Medal 
his car would be abso- 
lutely paid for in eight more payments 
Once—and this was the high point of his 

reer—he had supervised as many 
700 lettuce-and-tomato ls for a sin- 
gle Veterans of Foreign Wars luncheon, 
with Thousand Island dressing, and not 
one wilted lettuce leaf by the time the 
salads were served. He sat cracking his 
Knuckles until he heard the ambulance 
siren coming acros Arthur Godfrey 
Road. It was then that he began writing 
frantic letters in his he; “Dear Mr. 
President” —but whether to write about 
the old m: case or his own, he did not 


know. 
a 


PLAYBOY PLAYS THE 
COMMODITIES MARKET 


Profits on the exchange ате the 
treasures of goblins, At one time they 
may be carbuncle stones, then coals, 
then diamonds, then flint stones, 
then morning dew, then tears. 

— JOSEPH DE LA VEGA (1685) 


TWELVE YEARS AGO, one of the most suc- 


cessful. amateur commodity traders in 
the country, a former psychiatrist. made 
his speculative debut in spectacular fash 
ion. He gave his broker $5000, with de- 
tailed written instructions to buy wheat 
when the price reached a certain level 
and 10 use the profits to buy more at 
higher levels. Then—to avoid the temp- 


tation of changing his mind—he left for 


not for the fainthearted, speculating in the pit can yield immense rewards—or wipe you out in a trice 


article By MICHAEL LAURENCE 


Trinidad for five months. When he re- 
turned, he had a profit of over $200,000 
waiting for him. Perhaps he was psychic 
or just lucky. But he did prove—at least 
in this instance—that novices can make 
killing in commodities. 

To the outsider—like our psychiatrist 
no specula 


belore his happy initiation 
tive arena in the world appears as formi- 
dable as the commodities market. Those 
small-faced columns of type in the finan 
cial | replete with 
months, indecipherable 
figures—provoke outright apprehension 
in even the most intrepid. stock-market 
This scene, the uninitiated too 
imers only. 


ges of the newspaper 


foodstufls and 


plunger 


often. condude, is for bi 


PHOTOGRAPH BY J. BARRY O'ROURKE 


Such an attitude is both unfortunate 
and mistaken, Those who make a living 
in commodities—from brokers on up to 
the governors of the big exchanges—are 
doing everything they can to dispel it. 
But myths die hard, and the myth of the 
big-time grain operator 
information, ruthlessly 
speculators as he makes millions in а 


privy to inside 


crushing small 


few days by buying and selling 
he'll never 
persistent as it is false. 

In fact, the commodities market is no 
more hostile to the small speculator— 
one cannot in conscience use the word 
“investor” than is the stock market. A 


of а product 


speculator is someone who has money 


117 


PLAYBOY 


willing to risk it in hope of 
g more. The greater the risk, the 
great the potential return. Those who 
wish to invest—to commit money at 
smaller risk in hope of realizing propor 
tionately small profits—probably belong 
stocks. Bur those who wish to specu- 
e—who have the money to risk, the 
ins to commit this money intelli- 


gently and the stamina to sce their 
commitment out—probably belong in 
commodities. 


The notion that commodities trading 
is exclusively the purview of wizened old 
veterans and horny-handed farm tycoons 
is especially unfortunate in that it tends 
to discourage young 
plunge. Commodities trading is w 

ed for the relatively 
ched young man is fa 
to have $1000 or so to venture in a 
situation where the potential pain (one- 
month profits of 100-1000 percent are 
not unheard of) justifies the risk. He has 
probably not yet reached that happy pl 
from which he must seck the 
of long-term capital gains. (Com- 
s profits—and losses—usually run 
les than six months. You just 
ld them to your salary and pay regular 
хез on the Jor) Aud he is Гат 
ely to have the time required to 
n intelligent position in commodi- 
ties and to have the independence and 
flexibility to sce his position through, or 
discreetly, when the heat is 

The buyi 
delivered in the future—which is what 
commodities trading. is all about—may 
be as old as commerce itself. The basic 
idea is t Prices of 
agricultural goods—harvested one or two 
months a year but needed all year round 

fluctuate wildly. Belore the advent of 
organized futures wading, grain would 
sell for almost nothing when it was plen- 
tiful (usually right after harvest), then 
gyrate madly, according to the vagaries 
of weather, shipping, demand and what 
not. This pleased neither the growers 
(who often leh they weren't getting a 
[air price for their crops) nor the proces 
sors (who usually had to bid higher 
higher for diminishing supplies of ¢ 
as the season wore on, and Laced the risk 
of colossal inventory losses il prices plum 
meted). To escape this dilemma, growers 
begin selling contracts for future de 
livery of goods at current prices Such 
future-delivery tected the 
farmer from losses that might occur if his 
produce were in oversupply (having al 
ady sold the goods, he didn't care 
t happened to prices after that) and 
ected the procesor from loses he 
might incur if prices were to increase 
(having already pu didn't 
care, either). In time, futures. contracis 
became lized and 
and specu aped eagerly into the 


en from 


tea 


and selling of goods to be 


prices Huctuate 


соштаа» р 


ased, he 


negotiable, 


чогу 


118 middle. If they thought the price of 


THE MOST ACTIVE 


Chicago Mercantile Exchange 


10:05 AN=1:40 P.N. UE o 


LIVE CATTLE 


New York Cocoa Exchange 


COCOA DOCE 30,000 Ibs. 
Commodity Exchange. Inc. (N.Y.) 
COPPER 10:15 A.M—2:50 P.M. FUE 
New York Cotton Exchange 100 bal 
COTTON 10:30 A.M.—3:30 P.M. (50,000 Is ) 
600 cases 
EG FRESH Chicago Mercantile Exchange (18.000 dozen) 
GS 10:15 А.М.-1:45 PM. 
FROZEN 36,000 Ibs. 
CHICAGO GRAINS: 
WHEAT, CORN, OATS, Soso amazas rm, | 5000 bushels 
MINNEAPOLIS WHEAT | Ton area | 5000 bushels 
KANSAS CITY WHEAT Kansas City Board of Trade 5000 bushels 


10:30 A.M—2:15 P.M. 


WINNIPEG GRAINS: Winnipeg Grain Exchange 5000 bushels 


10:30 A.M. 2:15 P.M. flax: 
BARLEY, FLAX, RYE (All prices in Canadian currency) 1000 bushels 
HIDES Commodity Exchange, Ine. (N.Y) | 40,000 Ibs. 


10:10 AM—3 P.M. 


Commodity Exchange, Inc. (N.Y.) 


10 76-Ib. flask: 
MERCURY 9:50 &.N.—2:30 P.N. (760 bs) * 
ORANGE JUICE New York Cotton Exchange 
(FROZEN CONCENTRATED) 10:15 AM—3 Pm 1800065 
ВОВК BELLIES Chicago Mercantile Exchange 30,000 lbs. 
MAINE POTATOES 50,000 Ibs. 


10 AM.—1:30 P.M. 


Commodity Exchange, Inc. (N.Y.) 
10 АМ-3:05 Рм. 


SILVER 


10,000 troy ozs. 


Chicago Board of Trade 


SOYBEAN MEAL 10:30 AM—2:15 P.M. 


100 tons 


Chicago Board of Trade 
10:30 A.N.—2:15 P.M. 


New York Coffee & 
SUGAR #8 RAW pravi Ted 


(WORLD MARKET) 10 AM-3 РМ. 


Commodities are listed alphabetically. Color code: animal products, yellow: 
metals, lavender; grains (and grain products), tan; other plant products. blue. 


CRUDE SOYBEAN OIL 


60,000 Ibs. 


50 long tons 
(112,000 Ibs.) 


$300 


COMMODITIES 


$200 


$25 


(contracts, commissions and prices) 


146 per Ib. 


$1200 #900 550-570 n 1€ per Ib. 
$1500-52000 51000-51650 M 0 2016 55 26 per Ib. $1000 
$500-$750 5250—5500 $45 .01¢ $5 2€ per Ib. $1000 
ове 
$500 $300 $36 ыр 59 26 per dozen $360 
5400—5600 5200-5300 $36 heres € 59 1.6 per Ib. $540 
oats: $18 
corn: Corn: wheat, corn 
5500-5600 5300400 апа гуе: $22 1250 Has ле, пе, 
š 'oybeans soy 
oats: oats: сааса and wheat: and wheat: 
2350-9400 9200—9250 10¢ per bushel 5500 
$22 for all grains 
soybeans: soybeans: 425€ $6.25 : А 
5750-1100 5600-5750 eranan (218) Еа $400 
rye: $600 rye: $400 bas: Er 
wheat: wheat: $500 6€ per bushel $300 
res $22 4256 56.25 
barley: $350 barley: $200 barley and ieee rye and barley: 
flax: $200 flax: $100 Casas ЕШ WS | 10¢ per bushel $500 
rye: $500 tye: $250 UE flax: flex: $150 
Г мыйы 131-25 | 15¢ per bushel 
5800-1000 5535-5800 кыны! 026 s 2¢ per Ib. $800 
$500-$700 $335-5450 $40 Крег 510 350 per flask $500 
$500 5250-5500 $30 2¢ per Ib. 
5700-51000 5400—5700 536 146 per Ib. 
$23 + $2 
$400 $280 CIE CE tee 1¢ $5 35€ per 100 Ibs. $175 
$700-$900 5470—5700 EOM ee .05¢ $5 56 per oz. $500 
$400 $30 $5 per ton 
5400-5900 1€ per Ib. 
$500 ле per Ib. 


‘Maximum permissible daily price moves usually change during final month of contract. Margin rates are typical, but can vary among brokerage houses, 
Most houses offer special rates for “straddle” ard one-day trades. Information was believed accurate at prosstime, but may change: San your broker. 


19 


PLAYBOY 


120 


grain were going up. they would buy 
Contracts to receive it, in hope ol sub- 
sequently reselling the contracts at a 
profit. If they thought the price were 
would contact to de- 


going down, the 
iver grain at current prices, in hope of 
fulfilling the contract at a cheaper rate. 


ket has become 

years, but the 
ed. Today, any 
nd 


The commodities пи 
more formalized over th 
esentials haven't cha 
one with a reasonable credit rating 
um ol loot (as little as 5300 
red on some commodity contracts) 
The odds arc stacked 
ce out of four trades 
lose money, according to the Commodi 


requ 
c 
aj 


ty Exchange Authority): but il you 
follow a few basic rules, vou cam be 
reasonably assured of emerging relatively 


unseathed—and perhaps even wealthy. 

Trading in commodities is no more 
difficult than trading in stocks. You sim- 
ply call your broker and tell hi 


you want done. (More follows 
lecting a broker amd making a 
Obviously, vou can't. contract to 


a freight car full of frozen pork bellics 
the way you might buy a lew sh: 
ATR T. then sit back and w 
them 10 appreciate. Sooner or late 
pending on how distant your contract 
you would face delivery of the goods. At 
some point, this nightmare bedevils all 
novice commodity тга ч. 
it’s nor worth the lost sleep. Fewer than 
опе percent of all trades involve people 
who actually have the goods or are will 
ng to take them. The rest are speculators 
like youself, Even in the highly unlikely 
event that you find yourself still holding 
contract after the date on which you 
may receive notice of delivery, there 
many ways to extricate yourself. 
Since you hold commodities for 
the long pull. they are not—in the classi 
Cal sense of the word—an_ investmen 
They are а speculation—and an exciting 
one. In many ways, commodities better 
lend themselves to intelligent speculation 
than do stocks, Since there aren't nearly 
as many commodities as there are stocks 
(active tutes trading is confined. to 
fewer than 25 basic products). in select- 
ing your trade, vou do not have to sift 
through such а wealth of daw. 2 


ers; but, in 


are 


trader, for instance, might be + 

certain of the general direction of the 
Dow Jones industrial stock average; but 
unless he buys all 30 stocks that com 
prise that average figure, he cnt cash 


ater how 
eneral trend. 
ed 


in on his knowledge. No 
goad his awareness of the 
in stocks, he still finds hi 
Dy cosscunrents 
yong the 1200.plus now traded on the 


New York Stock Exchange alone. The 
individual stock represents such а small 
Traction of the market that it can easily 


move against the trend—either through 
sheer perverseness or through back-room 
manipulation 


In commodities, cach stock is a market 


1 itself. Once you understand wheat, 
ou don't have to go on to understand an 
wdividi stock—you already do. Since 
re are only Iwo dozen commodities of 
any real significance, it’s at least possible 
(though not recommended) to keep an 
eye on all of them once. While spe- 
cialized, the markets in individual com- 
modities e hardly small, One days 
transactions in wheat alone often exceed 
in dollar volume a whole days trading 
the New York Stock Exch 
In commodities, the marg 
pacenage of the purchase price you 
put up to make the purcha: 
breath-takiu 
cent, compa 
for stocks. 


о 


This means you get 
dous leverage: At а five-percent n 
‚ you can buy SI0.000 worth of gr 
for S500. If the price goes up 
parent (as it often does in just a 
weeks). you make SI000—a 200-percent 
return on your investment, Of. couse. 
you can lose that much Just as quickly. 

Commodity orders are executed. much 
more rapidly and in much larger num- 
bers than stocks. which means vou. can 
buy and sell relatively large quantities 
without adversely affecting. the price 
structure. Since all commodity prices are 
established, in the various exchanges, at 
open outcry (analogous to а public a 
). there's less likelihood of geu 
order filled at an unfavorable price— 
happens all too often in the stock n 
ket, where prices are established not ac 
auction but thre whose 
job is to moderate price swings. 

In the U.S. futures trading actually 
takes place în more than 50 commodi 
ties, bu ly half of these ny real 
interest 10 the speculator. These divide 
o Tour basic categories. Grains include 
barley. corn. I rye, wheat 

nd—even though they grain— 
Most grain trades rake place 
. on the mammoth Chicago 

Board of Trade, where almost 75 percent 
of all commodiues transactions. occur. 
You can also buy various grains in Min- 
neapolis, Kansas City and Winnipeg. 
Мом grain contracts are for 5000 bush- 
els (see chart on pages 118-119). Animal 
products include live and dressed cattle 
fresh and frozen €; hides (Tor shoes) 
and Dozen pork bellies—from which ba- 
con is sliced. The contracts vary in size 
Except for hides. all of these are sold oi 
the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. feisty 
and volatile Cr brother of the 
Board of Trade. Hides are sold at the 
Commodity Exchange, Inc., in New York. 
Metals include copper, lead, mercury 
platinum, silver and zinc, also traded 
at the Commodity Exchani rest, 
mostly plant. products, comprise cocoa, 
collec. cotton. frozen concentrated or 
juice, Maine potatoes, rubber, sugar and 
wool. all traded. on various. exchanges 
in New York. 


h “specialists,” 


re of 


ivseed. onts, 


© not 


"c 


Prices are generally recorded in cents 
per unit—bushel, pound, ounce o 
whatever lowest selling unit the com- 
modity best suggests, A newspaper price 
of 717315" for Chicago December wheat. 
for example, means that wheat for. de 
livery in Chicago next December is now 
selling at 51.7314 а bushel: 
for June silver means that 
liverable next June in New York 
now selling at 167.5 cents per troy out 

S1675. if vou will. A price of 727.017 
for July 1968 cocoa means that cocoa 
beans for delivery in New York during 
that ow selling ar 27.01 
cents a pound, Financial papers usually 
ord the opening price, the high for 
the low for the day, the clos 
price and the change the closing price 
represents over the previous day's close 
Looking at the newspaper listings, you 
will see that futures contracts are not 
sold for every month. Usually there are 
six contract months in а year. sometimes 
fewer or more, depending on harvest 
nd producer needs. From time 
to time. the exchanges will add а new 
contract month or climinate one in 
which wading is no longer activ 

The exchanges themselves are simply 
places where buyers and sellers’ repre 
sentatives gather to conduct their busi- 
nes Most exchanges have both the allure 


month are 


ıl the acouxies of a high sho 
masium. Trades are accomplished. 
I bulwarks of the 


shouting and 


ctivities 
enas cor 
prised of concentric octagonal rings. Be- 
Gune of their kinship to the holes in the 
ound in which commodities were 
traded, the arenas are still called “pits.” 

Selecting your commitment—and do- 
ing the study required 10 make it a 
good one is of coure, the most 
difheult part of the game. Decidedly the 
easiest way to learn about a coi 
is to take а po it. It 
how interested you will become 
capo July wheat once you have 
tracted. to 


st 


con- 
20.000 bushels ol it, 


receive 


The weather 


im Kansas, ice Hoes in the 
the Food for Peace pro- 
‚ drought 
all these 


easiest way to learn about commodi- 
es, it is certainly not the most profit 
ple, bee 
ework before enveri 


use vou should have done your 
ket, 


the novice who plans to 
into commodities should spend weeks— 
ihs—gening the feel of the ac 


before he makes his frst wade. I he 


Wall 
the 


uly knows the value of The 
t Journal—which is certainly 
inest financial newspaper published 
the U.S. today, and whose front page 


“Well, it didn't bring rain, but you've got to admit it's 
one helluva ceremony.” 


121 


PLAYBOY 


122 


alone often contains more significant 
news than can be found in most big-city 
dailies. Its a must for persons seriously 
interested in profiting Irom any market. 

While the Journal will provide you 
bi ıd easily digestible 
ture of world events and their relation to 
business and the market place, its com 
modity coverage is regrettably sketchy. 
For this reason, virtually all serious com- 
modity traders also read The Journal of 
Commerce, a daily newspaper published 
at 99 Wall Street. Hall of the JC is 
devoted. to shipping ads of little conse- 
quence to anyone except exporters and 
smugglers, but the ret is made up of 
commodity news and penetrating cco- 
nomic reportage. 

A wealth of commodity “advisory 
services" —well over 100 of them—pub- 
lish weekly newsletters telling you how 
you can double or triple your money in a 
dazlingly short time. The old counter 

If they're so smart, why aren't they 
rich?” probably applies here, except that 
in commodities there's а legitimate 


“Congratulations on the Vietnam mess. 


answer. So much of successful commodity 
wading depends on self-discipline that 
зз quite reasonable to encounter veteran 
traders who, like Alice, dispense very 
good advice—buc can't follow it. Doubt- 
less, some of these have fallen 
advisory game. In the 
ever, the serv 
reco) i th 
which makes them no better i 
vidual speculators, who do likewise, A 
good service will at least provide informa- 
tion you can't secure elsew! 
alone. recommendations aside. might be 
worth the price of admission—which is 
her steep, often running up to $150 a 
Most services oller a free sample 
newsletter, or a month's subse lor 
$5, so little is lost in trying them. There 
are so many, viewing the commodities 
ket from such varying angles, that 
haps you'll find one that suits you. 
Once you've familiarized yourself with 
the workings of the market, you can be- 
gin tying to outguess it. There are two 
basic methods of determining how com- 


to the 


P 


modity prices will move: fundamental 
analysis and technical analysis, The two 


to divide, for rcasons unknown 
hostile camps. 

Fundamental analysis is the more 
stiaightforward of the two. Its assump- 
tion is that once you understand all the 
supply and demand factors at work—the 
fundamental—ye will which 
way the price of a commodity will move. 
Th € several difheulties here. First, 
few people can agree on just what the 
als are or, even if they get 
„ on what they mean. A bull 
ıks prices will go up) and a 
bear (his opposite) can look at precisely 
the same figures and reach contradictory 
conclusions. And. in the highly unlikely 
event that they agree on what the fun- 
damentals me: there's still no real 
y the market will follow. 

Relying mainly on the reams of data 
emanating daily from such sources as the 
Deparment of Agriculture, fundame 
talists compute the potential supply for 


imo 


know 


id will be. Then, bearing in 
1 price patu t ae 
themselves 


demi 
sease 
repe: 
commodities and even in some nonagri 
cultural ones, they compare the current 
price with prices in previous similar 
years. All this supposedly tells what the 
current price will do—and often enough 
it does. Government price supports—and 
Government-ownel surpluscs—muddy the 
waters somewhat in «orn, cotton, oats, 
rye, soybeans and wheat (to name a 
few), but less and less so as world short- 
ages mount and farm surpluses disap- 
peu t. there are 
по more surpluses to speak of, а revela- 
tion that has yet 10 penetrate most news- 
paper editorial writers. 

Since they have their eyes on the facts, 
i pental traders can sometimes profit 
from special situations. Anyone who read 
the newspapers last spring—or who ex 
amined the coins in his pocker—could 
have sensed that the Treasury was ru 
ning out of silver. Ultimately, the Gov- 
emment would have to stop sell 
all comers at 51 п ounce. This 
happened on Мау I8—a th 
ten days or so, silver rose more t 
cents an ounce. A speculator arsighted 
enough to buy а 10.000-0unce silver con- 
tract just prior to May 18 would have 
seen his $700 investment grow to more 
than $3500 in one exciting formight 

The great advantage of trading on the 
basis of the fundamentals is that you 
need not make the elfort—easily trans- 
formed into agony—to watch day-to-day 
price movements, Fundamental analysis 
locates. lo price trends. H in 
your heart you know you're right, you 
сап Jus wait it out. This was precisely 


tio 


the course followed by our psychiatrist 
friend, who parlayed 55000 into $200,000 
while basking in Trinidad. He had de- 
liberately repaired to a village lacking 

lephones and newspapers. "I couldn't 


have sweated it out if I had to watch the 
prices every day.” he says "I would 
ave sold out too soon, or perhaps over- 


pyramided and been wiped out on a mi- 


nor setback." The fact that wheat moved 
up almost a dollar a bushel in his ab- 
sence didn't hurt, either, and testifies 


to his sound assessment of the Tunda- 
mental, Of course, had he been wrong, 
he would have lost most of his $5000. 
al analysts avoid the funda- 
wherever possible. They reason 
since all factors affecting the market 
are reflected in the market's price move- 
ment, the best way 10 locue the trend is 
10 study the price movement itself. 
ugh charts. The most popular is clo- 
ly called a “vertical line chart” (see 
chart below). On the chartist’s graph 
paper, price is read from the horizontal 
lines (usually in eighths of a cent), and 


each vertical line represents a trading 
AWS û 


day. Every evening. the chartist d 
line between the day's highest 
1 hen for good 
adds a dash to indicate the dosing pr 
(For those unwilling to compromise their 
time even to this extent, scores of serv- 


est prices, 


CHICAGO CORN 


September 1967 contract 


$1.41 


$1.40} 


$1.38 E 


13 16 17 18 19 20 23 24 


charts, for every com- 
iled cach Friday night.) If 
the chartist reads his drawings correctly, 
so the theory , the market, reflectin 
all the fund: ls, will itself tell him 
t ûr is going to do. 

This is a beautiful theory, not only be- 
cause it obviates the depressing prospect 
ol having to read magazines such as 
Feedstuffs and Hampshire Herdsman. 


wh 


The true technical analyst, in fact, does 
not want his mind violated by a single 
fundamental. He reasons that amy new 
he might hear would prejudice his rcad- 
ing of the charts, which already reflect the 
news. If it were possible, the technical 
purist would prefer to plot price move- 
ments without knowing what the price is 
or even which commodity he’s followin; 
Chart trading is far from an occult 
science. А good deal of common sense 
supports it. Of course, as with funda- 
al analysis, different temperaments 
erpret the same charts differently 


n 
and even when they agree. the market 
can still rumble off perversely in the op- 
posite direction. But there is a surprising 
number of recurrent chart patterns that 
do seem to indicate where the market is 
heading. Consider the triangle in the 
chart shown. This is a raher common 
formation. The progresively narrowing 
price range indicates that all potential 
buyers and sellers have gradually been 
deaned out of the triangle area. When 
the price does move beyond the bounds 
of the triangle. it can be expected to 
break sharply above or below the base 
lines—since there are presumably. no 
buyers and sellers left inside. Chart 
traders look for such formations (there 
are dozens of different types. of relative 
degrees of certitude): and when the price 
breaks out. they will buy or sell, depend. 
ing on their assessment of the basi 
trend of the market. In fact, after break. 
ing our of its t y 24. the 
corn plotted. on the graph ran right off 
the chart the next day. closing at $145. 

If you think chart trading 
properly classed with necromancy and 
astrology, bear in mind that there are 


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One of the most interesting—and least 
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PLAYBOY 


124 


п from 
Шу, the 


results one can expect to obta 
cach are just as dissimilar. Geners 
fundamental trader will catch larger 
price moves, because he will hit them 
closer to the extremes and ride them far- 
ther. Chester Kelmer, a fine fundamental 
grain trader who lives in Kansas City 
(and publishes an advisory letter there), 
once took a profit of 8534 cents а bushel 
in a single position in Chicago May 
wheat—about a $4300 profit on each 


contract (then selling at 8500). He him 
self admits he never could have made 
such a profit had he been technically 
clined, because the charts would have 
told him to sell prematurely. 

The drawhack is that the fundamen- 
talist must be able to stand large losses. 
Because he doesu't follow the daily mar- 
ket trend, he may make his move too 


early. No matter how sound his assess- 
ough 


ment, he may have to sweat th 
disistrously unfavorable aciono 


literally thousands in the proces—be- 
fore the market finally vindicates him. 
Unless he has real confidence in his plan 
and the cash to back it up—the 
market may prove him wrong. 

I he plans his trades correctly, the 
technician never faces the prospect. of 


g to move, he gets in. If he's r 
and good. If the market 


well 


goes 
at 


el 
ger he faces is 


ainst him, he gets out immed: 


a small loss. The big da 


not in many small losses (which one 1e 
sonable profit will more than cover) bur 
in taking his profits too quickly. Attuned 
to every market move, the tech 
tends то see cach minor setback—which 
wouldn't perturb the implacable funda- 
mentalist—as heralding a lager sell-off. 

Working for the technician, however, 
is his utter disregard for value. Thomas 
Lodges maxim (“Buy cheap and sell 
dear’) is à 10 the chartist. Since 


athen 


he follows the price trend, he much pre- 
fers to buy dear and sell dearer, or sell 
cheap and buy back cheaper. A success- 
ful chart wader—in the course of a few 
weeks—might buy soybeans at $2.16 а 
bushel, sell them on a minor rever- 
t $2.19, buy in again at $2.22, sell 
out when the market hesita 
then buy back again at 
up to $2.34. This sort of 
suikes terror in the soul of th 
ntalist—3who usually finds it difficult, 
once he has sold out of a position, to buy 
back into it at а higher price—but as 
long as the technician's method works, 
and it obviously does, his fundamental 
cousin. "t criticize too loudly. 

A very reasonable trading method 
would be to combine the best aspects of 
both techniques. This would involve us- 
ing the fundamentals to locate potential 

ange price move n using 

charts to ning the 

precise time and 

trade, Unfortunately, the two techniques 

appcal to such different personalities tha 

one would have to approach schizoplue- 
to master them simultaneously. 

Somewhere in the nether world be- 
tween the fundamental and technical 
bproaches lie the mechanical trading 
rules. These attempt, by precise mathe- 


tical means, to provide infallible 
guides to profitable wading. Most of 
them have no merit at all; but som 


especially those that uy to take advan 
wc of price trend, are worth consider 
. Most trend. rules try to formulize 
what the chartist does instinctively. The 
rules determine which way prices are 
going and point out places to Duy and 
sell. They are much too complicated to 
consider here; but if you are seriously 
interested in them. you should refer to 
Keltner’s How to Make Money in Com- 
modities, which weats several of them 
extensively—induding one (hat would 
have produced profits in nine out of ten 
Years (1950-1959) in soybeans, for а to- 
al net gain of $21,354 on a 81000 mar- 
gin account. Kelner wisely points out 
that such rules can also rack up а dis 
uessingly kuge number of small losses. 
What. proved a golden rule in soybeans, 
for instance. once produced 13 consec 


tive losses in wheat—in less than three 
months. During this debilitating setback, 
most traders would probably have 


thrown the rule out the window and ре 

ps jumped out after it—no doubt just 
when a hefty profit was imminent, Trad- 
ing mechanically takes money: but it abo 
reserves of which are often 


takes st 
th 


aner than one’s billfold. 


There are abo wading rule 
they can be called—that are fundamen 
Шу oriented, in that they uy lo 
apitalize on ıl price swings. A 
wellknown story tells how a successful 
grain trade found, after his 
death, among his effects. The secret (ac- 


rules 


ason 


cording to Gerald Gold's Modern Com- 
modities Futures Trading) was simply a 
scrap of paper, on which was written: 


Buy SELL 
ary 10 
pruary 22 
May 10 
July 1 


September 10 


November 28 


Corn March | 


May 20 


June 25 
August 10 


This “system” is now know “the 
voice from the tomb" and, according to 
Gold, some traders still regard the dates 
as important signposts—perhaps with 
good reason, since in the fist iwo 
months of this year alone. $1000 invested 
ielded 
$800. 

While you are getting the feel of the 
market, ht start looking for 
broker. have responded to 
spaper ads offering samples of various 
brokerage-house market letters, rest as- 


sured that client-hungry. brokers are al- 
ady looking for you. Finding a broker, 


at all; f good one is another 
problem altogether. Good or bad, he 
should work for a firm that has a me 
(or a connection with) all the 
ages. This is just to assure you 
execution of your orders. Most 
large brokerage houses qualify 

It sad bur m faci that all 
у brokers are them- 
selves washed-out traders. Having run 
through their personal fortunes, they find 
themselves reduced 10 running through 
the fortunes of others. Their presence 
underscores the element of compulsion 
even addiction—still associated with 
the seamier side of commodity trading. 
Frank Norris had noticed this as far back 
as 1903, when he published The Pit, 
novel whose quaint Victorianism clashes 


charmingly with ity exploration of the 
mechanics of a wheat corner. 
n in Norris’ time, unstable elements 


well to do 


h the same 


nong the rela 
ı 10 commodi 
sistence that thi ns among the reki- 
tively poo a to the horses. dt 
may take years for a facile incompetent 
10 Yun through a fortune in commodities 
done so. 


festly not enough) in the process, he has 
tle recourse but to become a broker. 
Perhaps he will become a good onc— 
though there is small evidence that his 
ability to handle his own money 
qualifies him in handling that of others. 
A good broker, one who can consistently 
ke money out of the pit, will not long 
emain а broker. Why should he? Why 


ny of the successful young men in 
commodities—brokers or otherwise 
view with suspi nyone who h 
been in the game more than 10 or 15 
years. Commodity trading up through 
the early 1950s was more a carni 
a profession. The fabled exploits of m 
of the biggest plungers of that era often 
unfolded in the razorthin no man's land 


ion 


that separates capitalist derring-do from 
outright fraud. These tors have 
now gone to their rew j 


olytes who are still 
ly, à trifle suspect 

ow sound. your broker's 
‚ you should not take it as 
yth that since a man spends 
day in the board room living 
g commodities, he obviously 
knows more than you do. simply doesn't 
hold up. In the board room is the 
very worst place from which to ases 
the market у good broker will tell 
you, Rumors flourish in the board room 
the way sores fester in the tropic. Those 
who watch the market most closely —the 
brokers and the market analysts—usual- 
ly succumb to the all-too-human impulse 
of overemphasizing the news that sup 
ports what's currently happening. When 
the market is rising. tape watchers sub 
consciously play up the 
discount the bad. Th 
proces. buildi Di 
ever-rosier optimism as prices continue 
to climb. Tt causes brokers 
to be most bullish when the market is 
about to tu ind most b 
when it is about to turn up. Free advice 
is worth just what you pay for it—noth- 
ng. Be suspicious of all advice. but be 


Brazil—and. their 
active are, natt 
No maner 
market айу 
gospel. The 

ten hou 


ood news and 
cumulative 
increments. of 


is 


nd. analysts 


down 


especially sus, of 
brokers. 
As you familiarize yourself. with the 


market, you will become less dependent 


even for hard. informa- 
tion: but you will rely on him more and 
more 10 execute your ord 

The mechanics of trad, 
simple, but occasional 


on your broker 


ness or ignor 
broker or tader—cin compound with 
disastrous т 
One area of confusion з on 
the margin requirement, h is perhaps 
the least understood aspect of commodi- 
ty trading. It is often. rather. tenuously 
compared with the stockmarket margin. 
hut the two are so dissimilar that there is 
по parallel. In stocks. the margin is the 
percentage of the cash value of a secu 
ty on which brokers are allowed to lend 
When the margin is 70 percent, 
now. vou сап buy S1000 worth of 
à stock for 5700. Your broker lends you 
the rest terest, of course—keeping 
the purchased shares as security. 
In commodities, your broker lends 
nothing. so you pay по i 
"margin" i milar to the 
money you would put down in a 
e deal BC binds а contract. for 
sin 
yment is not expected 
аке possession—de- 
kely event in commodi 
ties, While the value of your contract 
fluctuates, your carnest money must 


cenu 


ou 


terest. The 


п commodities is 


cidedly an un 


remain constant, 
Say you buy 5000 bushels of Chicago. 
December wheat at 51,85 a bushel. The 


um customer 


margin requirement 
‚ set by the various exchanges, 
usually with the blessings of the Gom- 
modity Exchange Authority. is now 15 
cents a bushel 
customer of 
broker will requ 


ıe means—your 
re a few cents mo 
give his company breathing space. At 15 
cents a bushel. you must put up $750 to 
bind your contract. You are agreeing to 
receive a freight car-load. of. wheai—at 
51.85 a bushel—sometime next Decem- 
ber. You put up money to show your 
good faith—and your solvency, should 


125 


PLAYBOY 


126 


wheat decline and you find yourself 
committed to buy at a price above the 

пке. If the price does go down, sa 
cents а bushel, you have lost $250. Your 
earnest money is no longer adequi 
and you will receive a “margin call” 
more. In practice, you have a few days 
breathing space; but unless wheat rallies 
quickly, the margin call means you have 
to cough up 5250 or be sold out. 

I's usually vini 
call, but say you do and then the wheat 
rallies. When it gets back to $1.85, your 
1 is worth S950 more than is 
needed to secure it, and you may with- 
draw that much. Thereafter, if the wheat 
goes up another 10 cents a bushel, your 
Contract would then be worth 5500 more 
than is needed, and you could withdraw 
that, too. In fact, you cin keep with 
drawing profits as long as vou make them. 

Short selling is another market enig- 
‚ perhaps once again because of co 
ion that washes over from the stock 
rket. To n short sale in com- 
modities, you simply contract not to re- 
ceive the goods but to deliver them, at 
some future date. You do this in expecta- 
tion that prices will fall. enabling you 
10 meet your obligation at a lower 
price sometime before you're expected to 
deliver. 

Most Americans view short selling i 
stocks as somchow tainted. "How 
you sell something you don't have?" they 
ask, ignoring the fact that ma 
do it whenever they sell a subse 


to meet a n 


Perl slightly more sophisticated 
objection is what its somehow 


American or immoral to profit whe 
value of American industry (which is 
presumably reflected in its shares) dete- 
riorates. The Internal Revenue Service 
and the Securities Exchange Commission 
(which regulates stock sales) implicitly 
recognize the immorality of short selling 
in stocks and refuse to grant short sellers 
the tax shelter of long-term capital gains. 
Short sellers of stocks are also required 
to pay any dividends (ha be de- 
clared on the shares they are short. and 
the 5 i sales be made 
only on “upticks’—which means vou 
can't sell a stock short until it is rising, 


which is certainly not the best time to be 
a seller. 
Short sales in commodities may be 


made at amy time. There are no tax 
penalties and no dividends to pay. In 
fact, morality in commodities favors the 
shorts. They, aher all. are hoping prices 
will go down. They want cheap grain. so 
cheap (har everyone can. eat, ИЗ the 
longs—the buyers—who are on the side 
of starvation, The shorts want 
ice, grain in such excessive quam 
es as to stull every starving 


super 


abundi 
tit 


Ies interesting thar the dreams of the 
oneworld liberal amd the shortselling 
commodity speci should. so nicely 


commodities there 
1 leap between the 


Morcove 
is only а small Ie 


coincide. 


long and the short side. There seems lit- 


Че substantive difference, for instance. 
between buying something you don't 
want and will never receive and selling 
something you don't own and will never 
deliver. 

But despite the overwhelming. case 
moral and otherwise—io be made [or 
the short sile of commodities, the specu- 
lative public is invariably biased toward 
the long side. That is, they prefer to be 
buyers. This is unfortunate, at least foi 
the speculative public. Perhaps it explains 
why so many small i ly 
lose x in commodities. 
Bes at for every contract 
purchased, someone else has to sell one. 
Futures cou ts always involve two 
parties, For every long in the market, 
there is a short. While stock prices favor 
а long position by tending to rise in the 
long run—due to inflation, increased 
productivity or progress generally —com- 
modity prices do not. Improved agricul- 
tural productivity generally means lower 
commodity prices, so much so that the 
long-range wend in commodity prices is 
sideways—or even down, The Commod 
ity Research Bureau price index of 25 
commodities futures—based on а 1917— 
1949 average of 100—recently stood at 
87. During the same period. the 


estors regula 


such d 


to $91 
toward 
а long position in commodities, this in 
formation does not seem to penetrate the 
speculative publi nvcterate 
longs. Since the public is biased toward 
the long side. and since the public is 
usually wrong, the 
other things being equal—is more likely 
to show а profit, Even if it doesn't, you 
at least have rectitude on your side. 
Once you've located a broker, opened 
account and deposited the necessiry 
margin, you'll find that placing an order 
is relatively simple. (Often, in the 
difficulty is in refraining from placing an 
order.) You simply сай your broker and 
tell him what you want done. The sim- 
plest of instructions is a market order: 
You tell your broker to buy or sell at 
whatever price prevails. There are also 
all sorts of limited orders, the bes 
known being the stop-loss order. often 
called a “stop.” This is an order to buy or 
sell at the prevailing market price only 
after the market touches a certain levi 
Stops are especially useful to tedni- 
cally oriented traders, who, after study- 
ing their charts, might decide thar oats 
will run away as soon as they break out 
of their current. price range. Rather than 
checking the price of oats every few 
for d weeks, the 
chart trader would decide precisely 10 
what level oats would have to rise to in 
dicate a breakout, and then instruct 
broker 10 siop-buy" order at 
that level. When oats finally touch the 


minutes, 


s or even 


his 
еше 


designated price, the trader's limited or- 
der becomes a market order, to be filled 
immediately at the best. price available. 

Stops can also be used to protect 
profits. Say you purchased 5000 bushels 
ol soybeans at 282 (52.82 a bushel) and 
the price has risen to 305. You have a 
proht of 23 cents per bushel—51150, not 
bad. You suspect soybeans may continue 
10 rise, and il they do, you want to ride 
with them. However, they have run up 
rather sharply and may turn around 
with equal exuberance. in which case 
you would want to get out in а hurry 
Here you would probably decide to en- 
ter a "stopsell" order two or three cents 
below the current market price. say, at 
303. Tf the beans did begin to collapse. 
you would be sold out automatically, 
amd most of your profit would be pre 
served. If the beans kept rising, your 
profits would rise with them, and you 
could advance your stop periodically. 
always trailing the market. by two or 
three cents. When the beans finally did 
turn around—and they always do—the 
market would sell you out automatically, 
at a cory profit, indeed. 

There аге many varieties of 1 ed 
orders, and your broker is probably ca- 
pable of complying with virtually апу 
order he can understand. One of the 
more common types is the MIT. (market 
if touched) order. more or less the oppo 
te of a stop. requesting to sell at the 
if it runs wp to sucli-ind-such a 
price, or buy at the market if it runs 
down. MIT orders, favored by funda- 
mental traders, are especially useful i 
getting in or out at a good price. An 
other common limited order goes by the 
suggestive acronym FOK (fill or kill). 
also called a “quickie.” The trader sets 
his own price: if the order can't be filled 
immediately at that price. it is canceled. 

Besides norm: 
transactions, there's 
number of arbitrage possibilities. 
trage, in the stock trader's speculexicon, 
describes the simultaneous purchase and 
sale of two different, but rclated, stocks. 
A big-time stock trader can occasionally 
ke марс of intermarket aberr, 
tions—by buying, say, 10,000 shares of 
neral Motors on the big board at 78. 
c simultaneously selling ihe same 
amount on the Midwest Stock Exchange 
at 781... The profit (not subtracting 
commissions and taxes) would be 51250. 
You can m; similar transactions be- 
tween a common stock and its warrants 
(the rights to buy it, which are some- 
times traded themselves) or between. a 
common stock and its convertible bonds. 
Unfortunately, you may need a real boo- 
dle—in the example above, ell over 
0.000—10 trade in quantities large 
1 to make such deals worth while, 

In commoditi т arbinage п 
tion is called a spread or a straddle 
two terms are generally intercha 
but old-timers like to use "spread 


wi 


nsac- 

The 
ble, 
when 


they're talking about grains and "strad. 
dle” when referring to a e For 


reasons that will be explained below, the 
cost is much less than a comparable 
transaction in stocks. In fact, it’s actually 


cheaper to set up a commodity spread 
than a normal, one-way transa nd 
since commodities are interconnected by 
а vast variety of subtle relationships. 
only your imagination, your bank roll 
nd the Commodity Exchange Authori- 
limit your horizons. The purpose of a 
spread transaction is to take advantage 
of price disparities that grow up between 
related commodities. The assumption is 
that sooner or а more normal rela- 
tionship will prevail. 
The most straightforward of spreads 
involves the same commodity in different 
months. A glance at the newspaper sta- 
tistics will rev that in most commodi- 
ti the more distant months become 
progressively more expensive. This is 
quite reasonable, because the distant fu. 
tures represent the price at which you 
can buy, today, goods to be received 
some months hence, Until delivery, stor- 
age costs are borne by the seller. Thus, 
in а hypothetically normal market. the 
distant futures should increase in value 
over the current cash price (often called 
the “spot” price) by а sum precisely 
equal to the сат harges—the cost 
of storage, insurance, | inspection 
and what not. The monthly carrying 
charges for each commodity have been 
carefully computed (it’s currently 254 
cents a bushel for wheat, for instance, 
and 19/100ths of a cent per pound for 
cocoa), and this computation should be 
reflected. in the distant future price. 
ly, however, extrancous factors 
impending shortages or surpluses, a 
new Government crop-loan program, or 
a whole galaxy of others—send the hypo- 
thetical normal market into disarray. 
Spreads are set up to capitalize on such 
disarray. Speculators buy one month and 
sell another, betting that the spread 
betwt the two will widen or close. 
One of the most interesting spreads 
occurs on those ra Occisions when 
there actually a "normal" market. 
When July wheat is selling at à premium 
of 11 cents а bushel over March, the 


July price fully reflects the carrying 
E s—lour months at 2 cents a 
e is literally 

nd 

1 month. This is because 


the mechanics of the market plice will 
prevent the distant month from ever sell- 

more than 11 cenis over the near 
month. H this were to happen, owners of 
in elevators—or anyone else, for that 
profit simply by 
multancously 
‘They could receive the 
March grain, hold it for four months, 
make delivery against their July contract 
and still make a. profit. 

Such a tidy situation doesn’t usually 


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present itself; but as the premium for 
distant months approaches the carrying 
i that “sell the charges 
(that is, sell the distant month and buy 
the near month) become progressively 
more attractive. H you look hard 
enough, it’s not unlikely that you'll dis- 
cover a spread where the risk is only one 
or two cents а bushel—and where the 
potential profits are limitless. The threat 
of an immediate shortage could send the 
y month (which you purchased) into 
orbit. while the distant month (which 
you sold) might remain constant, or—if 
it rellects next season's crop—it might 
even plummet, reflecting posible sur- 
pluses caused by farmers reacting 
husiastically to current high pi 

There are many other types of spreads. 
You сап take advantage of price diferen- 
tials between different markets (buy 
ieago July wheat and selling Kansas 
City July wheat, for instance): between 
related commodities (buying Decem 
ous and selling December corn—since 
the two are virtually interchangeable as 
livestock feed); between a commodity and 
one of its by-products (selling Septemb 
soybeans and buying September soybean 
; or even Capitalizing on such an ap- 
parently tenuous relationship as that 
which ties the price of hogs to the price 
of comm—on the theory that if corn Dbe- 
comes inexpensive relative to hog prices, 
farmers will tend to indulge their pig 
rather than slaughter them. until a more 
favorable relationship prevails. 

While the possibilities for spreading 
are many, they alb share the basic 
characteristic of limiting your risk. Hav- 
ing sold March soybeans and bought 
November, the speculator doesn't care 


whether the beans go up or down—as 
long as the gap between his buying price 
and his selling price narrows. On Janu- 
ary 3, 1967, for instance, you could have 
sold 5000 bushels of March soybeans at 
295 and simultaneously purchased 5000 
bushels of November beans at 2801 
(This, incidentally, was an "inverted" 
market. The distant futures were cheaper 
than the near ones—reflecting scarcity 
in the actual supply on hand and fears of 
abundance in the next crop.) Seven 
weeks later. on February 14, you could 
have canceled the spread, buying 5000 
March beans at 28515 and selling 5000 
November at 276. You would have lost 
414 cents a bushel on the November 
nsaction but made 714 cents on the 
March—for a net gain of 3 cents a 
bushel, or 5150, less commissions of 524. 
This may not seem a great deal, but it's 
sill over 25 percent. in less than two 
months. оп your 5600 margin—and made 
at a time when the cash price of soybeans 
dropped more than 10 cents а bushel. 
Най vou simply 
in soybeans on 
have lost—asuming vou 
to endure it—over $500. 

Because spreads limit your ris 
gins and commissions arc proport 
less. Commissions on 
ly not much more than the commission 
on a single transaction, Margins are 
much less than would be required on 
two unrelated transactions—usually less 
than that for а single transaction. In fact, 
at least one national brokerage house re- 
quires по margin whatever on spreads. 
You can actually spread а million bushels 
ob soybeans—simultmeously: contracting 
to receive and to deliver goods worth 


ken a long position 
y 3. you would 
around 


n 


stayed 


“Hey, man, we goofed. 1t is bread . . . 


ggregate well over $5,000,000 
—for the niggardly sum of $4400, repre 
senting only the commissions on the 
nd you don't pay the com- 
missions until after you've lifted the 
spread, Applying capitalist initiative of 
this sort to our soybean example, the 
profi, subwacting commissions, would 
have been $25,600—in two months, on 
an investment of literally nothing, While 
such a transaction is theoretically possi 
Ме, no sane broker would have let you 
—or his firm—into it. Yet it's something 
ler. at least in a truncated ver- 
after you have established 
nd built up a trad 

Besides ils widow 
vesiment advantages, sprea 
be used to beat Uncle Sam—legally. of 
course—by carrying erm profits 
into long-term capital gains. If you are 
fortunate enough to face problems such 
as this, you are well advised (and you 
Can сепа afford) to consult a good 
tax attori Тах law governing large- 
scile commodity trading is, indeed. а 
thorny thicket. which novices enter only 
at their peril. 

While there are many “systems” that 
supposedly permit one to win consistent- 
Jy in commodities ranging from the en- 
gaging simplicity of “the voice from the 
tomb” on up to the most csoreric of 
fundamental or technical methods—it 
should be apparent that none of them 
works for long. No matter how good the 
system, when too many people start 
using it, the mechanics of the market 
place will crush them. 

Systems don't work, but p 


to con 


youn 


ciples do. 


marker sophistication. There are many 
wealthy commodity traders today who 
don't know a frozen pork belly from a 
flagon of mercury but who profit year 
alter year because they have the psycho- 
logical attitude that separates the win- 
nes from the losers. 

To win consistently, you must admit 
that you will ma kes—not just a 
blunder here and there, but mistake after 
mistake after mistake. Dt is difficult to 
dmit that you are wrong. To admit it 
when hard cash is а 


stake 


even more 
dificult. To take a $500 los. when 
there's always the prospect that the ma 

ket will reverse tomorrow and give it all 


back to you. requires monkish implica 
bility. But it is essenti, 

To win consistently, yo 
the market with a plan. Whether 
based on fundamental analysis, charts. 
ап old trader's system or whatever, is not 
particularly relevant, so long as you have 
а plan. Once you have a plan. vou 
should enter the market only when it 
promi: we back more than vou 
risk. Good poker players do this instinc- 


must ent 


iws 


tively, weighing the odds between the 
pot and their bet, their rds and the 
draw. When the odds favor them. they 
get in. Commodity trading is a colossal 
poker game. Many people will ante into 
the pot and a very few will rake in the 
chips. As in poker, if you consistently play 
the odds and if you can afford to stay 
in long enough, you're bound to win 

Of course. as in poker, you should 

never risk money vou cannot afford to 
lose; and even within this stricture, in 
commodities it is seldom wise to comm 
all your money to one trade. Even the 
best of trades may not work out: and 
if you pyramid your profits, you m 
find yourself risking cvergreater sums 
in ever-more-ambitious campaigns. 
losses you do take will be whopp 
the expense of hard-earned gai 
just plow 10-30 percent of your profits 
back into your trading account, in the 
long run you'll have the satisfaction of 
njoyed your winnings. 
If you're a winner, when the market 
nst you, you'll admit your plan 
and get out. If you decide to 
buy wheat at $1.65 a bushel, in expecta- 
tion of its going up to 51.80, you 
shouldn't stay around if wheat drops be 
low S1624. Your plan was wrong and, 
must be abandoned—at a small loss. 
Many of the most successful traders take 
loses on 60 percent—sometimes even 
75 percent—of their trades. But when 
they buy wheat at 51.65 and it does run 
up to 51.80, they have recouped enough 
то cover а dozen one-cent mistakes and 
still give them а profit. 

"Ehe attitude of the losing speculator is 
precisely the opposite. In fairness to 
losers, this is understandable. Ic is normal 
though mistaken—to let your losses 
tun and take vour profits quickly. “You 
never lose taking a profit" is another 
hoary maxim (hat has been fleecing 
small speculators since the South Sea 
Bubble. OF course. you do lose taking a 
profit, if vou take it prematurely and if 
one tiny profit has to cover a sizable 
string of losses—which are almost inevi- 
1 commodities. The loscr's impulse 
toc in and steal a miniproht before 
arket takes it all back is almost as 
foolish as his steadfast refusal to take a 
los of any size. Tvs possible—though 
decidedly unprofitable—for the small 
пін stocks ta mount 
losses through an entire bear market. 
Mier all. they're only “paper losses" until 
they're taken. and the stock is bound to 
come back someday, But paper losses in 
commodities have the distressing habit 
of turning very quickly into real losses. 
Your S600 margin on a soybean со: 
for instance. will dw 
12-cent move, Anyone who was misguided 
enough to buy a July 1967 soybe: 
comae at Ni Hr early las September 
and then compound his delusion by 
holding onto it down to $2.83 (February 
15) would not only have lost 5000, hc 


runs aJ 


table 


t on ever 


ng 


would have had 10 anie up that sum five 
more times just to meet margin calls. 

Successful traders never try to call the 
tops and the bottoms of a price move 
They trade with the trend. When prices 
they're buying. When 
they're selling. 
The losers again 
understandable—is once again the oppo- 
эйе. He tends to buy because things look 
“cheap” that is. lower than they w 
last week. The professional knows that if 
prices me lower than they were last 
week, chances are they'll be lower yet 
next week. That's how markets work. If 
soybeans, after a lor 


i move downw: 


ly do turn around and rally 10 cents 
bushel. the loser will be reluctant to 
et in, becuse he mised the bottom. 


and he sees the beans as “expensive” 
which, indeed. they are, in rel 
last week's prices. The pro doesn't think 
in terms of cheap or dear. He sees that 
the beans are rising, figures they'll con 
tinue to rise and buys. If he's right, hell 
make a nice profit, As the beans continue 
to move up. he may use his profits to add 
a dew contr 


morc ts, at 


cver-higher 


prices, He will take care. however. 10 
pyramid down, rather than up. That is 
if he originally purchased four sovbean 


ts he may use his profits to add 
more. then an additional ond 
top it off with one more. This w: 
should the marker reverse. he still 
emerges a winner. 

The loser's impulse is to use all his 
profits to add another contract. Then, if 
the market is still with him. he'll we all 
the profits fom the two to add (wo 
more. and so on. Of course, when the 
market finally turns around—as it alway» 


doc—he will be wiped ow. Usually 
just when the losers are jumping back 
Шу persuaded that the beans will 
ise forever, the pro is the one who is 
selling to them, Prices may still continue 
‚ in an orgy of public speculation 
but the pro never bemoans the fact that 
he didn’t get out at the top. His attitude 
is that of the Rothschild who. when 
asked how he made his millions, repli 
By selling 100 soon,” This was his hy 
perbolie way of saying tha ple 
profits. consistently taken, can't h 
while the foolish quest for unreasonable 
profils can prove disastrous. The loser 
groping for the peak. inevitably finds the 
chasm beyond 

Perhaps because so many losers take 
such a beating. the commodity ex 
changes—and most of those who deal in 
Or write about commodities—have erected 
an elaborate publicrelations edifice to 
justify their own existence. The words 
“hedging” and “transfer of risk" recur 
repeatedly in their outbursts. The theory 
is that Commodity speculation is neces 
sary to permit producers to “hedge” the 
risk they run by holding startling quanti 
ties of goods whose prices fluctuate, For 
S?0.000. for inst vou could conceiv 
iblv go imo the storage business 
by building a million-bushel elevator 
But once it’s full of wheat, 
cline—hardly ап hour's move on 
Gil day—would cost vou the price of 
your elevator, On a 10-cent decline (the 
maximum daily limit). you'd be out your 
elevator and the price of our more. to 
boot. The futures market, so the theory 
goes, exists so that persons in such а pre- 
dicament cam hedge their inventories 
Once they buy a million bushels of 


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wheat for storage, they can go into the 
futures market and sell a million bushels 

today's prices—for delivery some 
months off. If wheat declines, they 
will still have received todays price: 
and when delivery time comes, they can 
simply deliver, without a loss. Of course, 
if wh 
to deliver and will forgo а profit. But 
them. 


t goes up, they will still have 


presumably this won't boul 
because they are in the 
ss, not the specul 
ng. in other words, is a 
sulue an inventory from price swings- 
in either direction. Speculators. as the 
slick brochures from the exchanges read- 
ily point out, are willing to assume risks 
that the grain rade can’t afford. Good- 
hearted humanists that they ше, the 
speculators stake their hard-earned money 
to provide an active and well-lubricated 
market for all this hedging. 

This is à fine theory, with much merit 
to support it. But fewer than one percent 
of all futures contracts are actually set 
Hed by de that 
many hed i 
this still means that for e 
transiction, there are six or а dozen 
specul ig could dis. 


"s 


ly volume statistics. 
E ^ are speculat 
Holbrook Working, а market mathema 
tian who produced several landi 
studies, was quoted in Foriune 
o as having т 
sion that hedging is “undertaken most 
commonly in the expectation of a favora- 
ble change in the relation betw 
cash] and futures prices.” 
the hope of a profit 
Despite the fact. that 6 
mest 400 bills have been introduced in 
Congress to prohibit or further limit fu 
tures trading, the pits pious efforts at 
selt justification seem largely eny 
Race tracks survive without belaboring 
the public with their contribu 
the improvement of thoroughbred horse 
flesh, Race tracks Hourish becuse people 
are sclFinterested and enjoy the pos- 
sibility—no matter how remote—ol turn- 
ing a small sum into a fortune. While 
there are several quite valid justifica- 
tions for commodity futures. trading — 
lor instance, besides helping hedgers, it 
provides small farmers with widely pub 
lished figures that enable them 10 get a 
fair price for their crops—this one is 
sullici Public participation in the 
commodities market would be greatly 
increased if those involved in the market 
would stop drumbeating its unde 
uscfulness and descr 


years a 


ons 10 


ble 


ccona be it 


" 
tors could. understand—as 
«b lottery 
g and 


terms specu! 


ant, Governmentsanction 


е the losses can be 
the rewards immense. 


ANSON’S LAST ASSIGNMENT 


glossy. He had very small. very black 
eyes that moved over us quickly but thor- 
oughly. All of them were big-shouldered 
and hard-looking. 

Lunch was a little strained. We sat at 
the head of the table, Anson on the 
general's right and Lon the colonel’s left. 
Auson told some funny stories: I thought 
most of them spoke enough English to 
understand, but 1 couldn't be sure. He 


told the one about the 


aniac in Sin 
worried that 


spore 
being Asians, they mi 


nor appreciate й: but the general 
laughed. 
“You English. ves" he asked. 


s, sir,” Auson said. 

“You know Colonel Briukle 

Maybe now. general.” 
“Brinkley-Davis? No, sir, 1 can't say 
at I do. 


-Davis? 


„1 ison to Gluck- 


y." Auson said politel 

"Every morning s 
nel Brinkley-Davis tent. Drink tea, not 
coffee. With Americans always coffee.” 

“Barbarie beverage, colle," Anson 
said. "But Гуе come to the point where 
T must have it to start the day, His 
influence.” He nodded at me. 

“Have you been in Vietnam long, Mr. 
Bender?" the colonel asked. 

“About three months.” 


E meeting in Colo- 


“And Mr. Anson? 
“Twenty-three months,” Anson said. 
“T have been on fifty-seven operation: 


He was very proud of that numbe 
he had been wounded three 
times, more than any other correspondent. 
or whom do you work?” The colo- 
nel spoke English formally and almost 
without accent, 


Anson said. “We 
both freelancers, but 1 Time-Lile 


ave 


accreditation.” 

The general spoke to the colonel in 
Korean. “The general would like to 
know if there are any reporters in Viet- 


nam [or 


zinc," the colonel 


said. 

"Not that 1 know of," Isa 

"Docs the general like nudist maga- 
rine?” Anson asked. 

“Number one.” the gene 
years ago. T go 10 Pendleton, | 
nudist magazi 

"Yes 1 said. 
m 
general said. 

After. lunch, we followed the colonel 
to his office for a briefing. He walked 
with a major, and Anson and 1 were 
some way behind. 

“The general's 
Anson said. “They're all rather k 

“They're fine,” 1 said. 

The briehing wassmooth, well organized 


] said. "Two 
y many 
You know Pendleton?" 
“A Tittle.” 

nudist magazine," 


the 


isn't һе?” 


(continued from page 97) 


and well presented. The colonel was 
very good. He stood in front of the 
bis map—his pants razor creased and 
bloused and just properly faded, his 
boots as gleamy as his hair—and drew 
graceful aro and circles with the point 
cr, occasionally rapping it on the floor to 
emphasize something. He also usd a 
quick chopping tac kwon do gesture 
Kim sit in an office chair at the back 
of the room. a loose-leaf notebook. across 
his lap: whenever the colonel 
couldn't remember a statistic, the captain 
supplied it. They even gave out realistic 
figures for their own cisualties, which 
surprised me. My last operation had been 
with a famous American regular infan 
uy division, whose P.L. officers. were 
habitual lars: and it was nice when 
people came clean 

We asked a few questions and left 
with Kim. He asked us what we wanted 
to do and we said we wanted some pic- 
tures of civic action—medical teams and 
rice harvesting, that sort of thing— 
some of combat. 

"Civic action too far drive today 
Kim said, “Tomorrow we go." 
OK," I said. 
What about combat?" 
y light! 

“We don't need 
ust some pictures 
“Сап be arranged.” 
"Splendid." Anson said. 
“Will there be any tae 


and 


ch." Anson said. 


the held” 


kwon do prac 


tice here?” 1 asked, 
“Tae kwon do (cam practice 1730 
hours. Will be honored if you observe." 


He said he'd come by Гог us, and we 
. We went to our quarters. 
of the lieutenant colonels was 
there. Auson unlaced his boots and lay 
down. I got a book out of my pack 
Jones The Thin Red  Line—and 
stretched out myself and began to read. 
After а while Anson started to snore, 
and 1 put the book down and looked at 


him y young. He was ac- 
tually 25, but he looked about 17. He 
wore air long and scruffy at (he 


nape of his neck and over the cars, Eng- 
lish-schoolboy style, and, except for the 


scars, his face was smooth and soft, The 
Worst scar in the cleft of his chin, 
and he had another bad one under his left 


Both of those were from the ti 
he was on the Coast Guard cutter that 
afed by a section of 
asses, 


= 


was accidentally st 
is. They 
'ockets 


with 


or wounded everybody on ship. 
The captain had been up on the bridge 
trying to signal them away with an 


Aldis lamp when a five-inch rocket blew 
his head oll. Anson's chin had been 
split by a fragment from a 20mm cannon 
shell, and if you looked at him closely 
head оп, one side of his jaw was slightly 
higher than the other. Also, his chest had 


Deen badly burned. Without а shirt on, 
he looked as if he had been stuck in about 
30 places with a glowing cigar tip. Some 
times he got the shakes in his sleep and 
trembled himself awake, but now he was 
peaceful. 

The fae kwon do team worked out on 
the small landing zone below the оре 
tions building. The members wore loose 
ido suits and all of them were 


blick belts. We had our cameras and 
moved around, shooting busily. First 
they went through a series of warm-up 


nd 


perfect unison, whirling 
1 chopping and kicking 
p cxaelly together; then they 
up into pairs and sparred, pulling 
the thrusts and kicks The real spectacle. 
the breakage | exhibitis ame last. 
You've probably seen pictures of that, 
ours or someone else's. They lined up in 
one long row and cach man broke a 
brick over his forehead: they chopped 
through piles of four bricks with the 
edges of their hands; and, as a grand 
finale. one man split six bricks. We took 
some portraits and were introduced. to 
the sixcbrick man. The edge of his hand 
felt like a horse's hoof 

On the way back 10 our quarters, Kim 
asked, ? 


"Was satisfactor 
“Very.” E said. 
“It was superb," Anson said. 
“Tae on do is a form of ka 

asked. 

Yes, nearly same 
“Some judo also, ізге there?” Anson 

asked. 
Mostly 
“How 

“Doesn't 


пе karate. 
bout the brick?" I said. 
give them a headache when 
they break bricks like that?” 

"Head very hard," Kim sad. 
years practice, No headache 

We washed and went to the mess and 
had a few becrs before dinner. The ge 
al and the colonel came in together 
and we all stood up. The general was 
hungry, so we went sraight into the din. 
ing room. Anson's and my seating cards 
had been reversed. I guess they thought 
Га lose face if 1 had to sit by the colonel 
each time. Before they brought the food, 
major. said a long prayer 
It was in. Korean, so of course I didn't 
understand any of it, but I heard the 
words "Viet Cong" about four times. 
Later Kim gave us a poop sheet on the 
" . which said he had gouen rcli 
gion, Catholicism, just after landing. at 
Inchon, and then wiped out a whole 
North Korean regiment with onc com- 
pany or something. 

After dinner we went back to quarters 
with colonels. One of 
them produced an unopened boule of 
hel. 
nes, 


Many 


ë 


the lieutenant 


Johnnie Walker B 
drank to the Korean 
Marines (the Kor 


nd we 
Tari the U.S. 
s always referred to 
our Marines as brothers), the Press Corps 
nd killing V. C. 

In the morning, Kim came by for us 


131 


PLAYBOY 


132 


ıd drove for maybe u 
kilometers. "There was a lot of traffic. si 
bysixes filled with typically sloppy Vier 
namese troops, who shouted at us and 


whistled and laughed. cyclos, three- 
wheeled Lambretta” buses, peasants and 
bicyclists using the shoulders, and a U.S 


Marine convoy. At the head of the con- 
voy were an M-60 tank and an ONTOS, 
the antitank weapon with six 106mm 
recoilless wd a couple of APCs— 
armored personnel carriers--then abo 
le of trucks, bumper то bumper, with 
other ONTOS at the end. Som 
tucks had 30-caliber MGs mounted 
on the roofs of the cabs, and the nw 


Hes, а 


all wore battle dress, helmets and heavy 
Hak jackets. "The vehicles filmed 
with a fine white dust. and the drivers and 
ed-eved and The 
ng double rolls of con- 
on both sides of the road and 
across the wire, the farmers were slog- 
ging through the muck of the paddies, 
harvesting. They looked small and tired 
nd dirty. sullen and worn dow 1 
their movements were hypnotically de- 
liberate. 


were 


were 


wn, 
ПЕ" 


We went through (wo villages and 
turned into a yard in front of а house 
th a red cross over the door. A bench 
outside was lined with Vietnamese: 
pregnant women, a man whose right leg 
was а withered stump that ended. below 
the knee and mothers and children. In- 
side, à Korean doctor and two medics 
were working. They wore white knes 
length dusters and the doctor һай a m 
tor reflector on his head. He was looking 
ar an infected ear and the medics were 
swabbing with an awfulsmelling pur- 
ple goo the shaved head of a little girl 
who had ringworm. We took a roll 
apiece ked to the docior. He had 
graduated from Johns Hopkins and was 
very hip on tion. Sanitation was a 
the these 


У.С. 
people were filthy and didn't know ану 


wore problem than 
beter. He wanted to know if either of us 
came from Baltimore and seemed disip 
pointed when he learned that we didn't. 
He said that . Baltimore 
was his favorite city. 

We got back into the jeep 
through another villi 
dred yards bevond w 
Baualion 


next 10 £ 


ou 


ıd drove 
A 
the tur 
bivouac. The 


on 
l 


to the 


Second 


“Thirty cents a bottle—five cents a sniff.” 


intersection w 
bagged empla 
-30.caliber mad 
a BAR 
sweep of rice paddies 
mboo thickets and bordered by a 
distant tree line. Working in the ne: 
cw paddy, side by side with the peas 
ants, were six Koreans in skivvy shorts 
and canary-yellow. undershirts with red 
borders and кок across the chests. 

his is great,” 1 said. 

“A pity we don't have color, 
said. 

We slung our cameras around our 
necks and started toward (he paddy. 
Kim stayed in the jeep, in the shade of 
the doth top. 

"b can see it 
and the sickle 
domest 


rded by two sand 
one holding a 
nd the other 
I was а dong 
patched with 


Across the a 


Anson 


ow.” I said. “The sword 
Two full pages in Life 
Koreans kill Cong bare 


rehanded. Builds bareh 


nding. 

We worked hand for 45 minutes. Wi 
took group shots from the dikes, then 
ıı the muck and took por 
p shots with 


ibed down 


traits and 
lenses, We went around ahead of the 
harvesters, and for a while Anson was 
down on his knees so that he could shoot 
from the level of the sickles. We got 
them bundling the rice and curving 
over their shoulders along the dike and 
through a break in the barbed wire and 
acios the road and up a small hill be 
hind the emplacements, where several 
teams of Koreas and peasmus were 
pumping а pair of loor-operated thresh- 
trs. Our boots were soaked and covered 
with oore, and Anson's pants were sl 
wet to his thighs. 

After a 
threshi 


iele-angle 


Tc 


nene break, we shot thc 
Symbolic shors of. Kore 
ese legs (the Korean. legs were 


invariably about t the diame 
ter of the Vietnamese) driving the pedal 
down, pictures of men applying 
bundles of rice (o the 

and so on. We even got 

und in the grain to get 


ting [aces over the spill of rice 
coming off the wheel. By the time we 
quit, I was oily with sweat and my hair 
full of chaff and I itched every- 
where. 1 took off my shirt and shook it 
out and tried to comb the chal oi 

Kim had his driver open some rations. 
Thad а pack of blue heat pills, so we һай 
warm lunch and heated some collee alter 
ward. Kim wanted to know if wed like 
10 go on to Quang Ngai and take some 
pictures of a fae kwon do expert teach 


was 


das of Vietnamese high school 
say.” Amon said. “High school 
girls. Do they break bricks? 
Nor yet. Many yeas practice re 
quired break bricks." 
Pity that,” Anson said. “Bricks make 


numb 


one photos." 


You do not wish to proceed?” 
Sure.” I said. T had had a good day's 
work and wonld just as soon have gone 
back, but did not want to offend h 
sounds very interesting: 

Quang Ngai was about 12 kilometers 
farther on. Tt was the headquarters for 
the Second Division of the Vietnamese 
Army: so, as we went along, there were 
more ARVNs and fewer Koreans. In 
the villages were quite a few Popular 
Force troops, dressed in black pajamas 
or odd combinations of parts of unilorms. 
They carried carbines or M-Is, but the 
M-IS were too big for them, made them 
look like dirty “and rather malicious 
children playing with cannons. 

We got to the city about 1700, but 
found that fac kwon do wouldn't begin 
1800. Neither of us was happy 
about that, because it meant we'd have 
€ back at dusk and in the da 
but Kim didn't 5 

“Area ds secure,” he said. 

He had some people to see, so Anson 
and D went into a bar and had a lew 
beers. We got to the high school just be- 
fore 1800. The instructor looked like 
other six-brick man, but the girls were 
tiny, rced-armed and hidden in the mul- 
tiple folds of their judo suits. They went 
through an abbreviated wam-up rou- 
tine, and their shouts often cime out as 
qucals and giggles. We shot a lot of 
film, but the lighting was poor and 1 
wasn't hopeful of getting much. 

I was nervous all the way back. While 
it was light, I kept scanning the tree 
lines and canebrakes and, alter it was 
dark, I imagined every shape and 
shadow was a burp gunner. Anson had 
scrambled the back, which meant 
he pout He 
was more afraid of mines than anything 
else. у 
the rear seat, you might be blown free 
Nothing happ 
back in time for a 

Afterw ks with 
the lieutenant colonels again, and Anson 
у and funny, the way | 
Iter pressure. He toll many 

the time he had been hit in 
burst and about the 
ling at Chu Lai, where 
ing out of the am- 


until 


to d 


m worried. 


into 


road. mines 


won 


id had a theory that if 


Du were in 


ıd we got 


rd we had 


ways was 
stories: abou 
the ass by а mort 
U.S. Marine | 
the troops came ste 
ише and up the beach like John Wayne 
in The Sands of Iwo Jima, only to lind 20 
photographers on top of the first dune 
taking pictures of it all. and the time he 
was out with a Regional Force group in 
sampans and the bowman in his simpan 
fished during а fire fight and caught a 
five foot s ıt in the worst of it, 
id many others. Finally we turned in, 
but E did not sleep well. It was а wind 
Jess night and hot and stuffy beneath the 


mosquito netting. My sheets became 
knotted and sweatdamp and my skin felt 
grimy and oily, Thice or four times, the 


horizon glowed yellow from a I 


‘Twice I got up for à drink of water 
both times there was a red nub of 
rette glow under 

Anson shook me just after dawn. Cap 
tain Kim was standing beside him. I 
pushed the netting back and sat up and 


Anson's m 


ting 


groped with my feet for the thongs. My 
mouth was filled with a sta 


с, dry taste. 


“What gives” D asked. 

“I get pardon," Kim said. 
big contact. Many many V.C. 

“They tried to overrun û company. 
Anson said. “The colonel's going out to 
inspect the battlefield, "They'll allow us 
5 490." 

І washed quickly and got back into 
my jungle fatigues. They were the only 
clothes Pd brought with me trem Da 
nang, because D expected to be in the 
field, or at least in tents; and now. after 
two days, they were prety high. We 
packed our backpacks and curied them 
and the camera bags up to the mess hall, 
The waiters brought out hot collee, We 
were the only people there. 

“Where's the colonel?” 1 asked. 
at already,” Kim said. 
briefing.” 

The waiter brought plates of scram- 
bled eggs and bacon and a plastic wicker 
basket filled with hard rolls. 1 made my- 


ut very 


Now 


self cat half the eggs and bacon, but A 


son did not touch anything. Hc smoked 
two cigarettes and sipped his collec. He 
was obviously nervous and making no 

tempt to hide it. He was always like 


that before he we 
you couldn't 


into the field, but 
lame him, not after that 
cutter incident. T wasn't worried myself, 
because I didn't think a bird cok 
even this one, would be going anypli 
very dangerous 

How many de: 

“Ten Korean KIA. Thirty V. C. But 
that only within perimeter 
searched outside perim 

“Any prisoners?” 

He shook his head. Auson 
himself and went outside 

"Mr. Anson is not well?” Kim asked. 

Nervous," I said. “He'll be all right." 
L mouthed another forkful of eges. 

“You are writer as well as pliotogra- 
pher?” Kim asked 

"b write sometimes.” 

“Who is greatest English writer 

"Christ, I don’t know. Shakespeare, 1 
guess. 

"William. Shakespeare.” he said. 
have read many plays of Shakespe 
Othello, King Lear, Hamlet. 

"Which one do you like best?" 


T asked. Kim 


excused 


“I remember it all just as clearly as if it had 
happened yesterday. I swear I never suspected for a 
moment there were bears living in that house. You 

know how kids are. I smelled porridge, so 1 went in.” 


133 


PLAYBOY 


King Lear. Ts very beautiful." 

“Not Hamlet? Most people like Ham- 
Tet best.” 

"No. he sid. “I iter of 
Hamlet is too very complex. Also E read 
the works of Erskine Caldwell.” 

Anson came back in and sat down. He 
drummed his fingers on the tabletop. 

The captain reads Shakespeare and 
Enskine Caldwell,” 1 said 

“Fancy that," Anson said. 
Shakespeare is superior,” Kim said. 

А lieutenant came in and saluted Kin 
They talked in Korcan, then Kim said, 


find cha 


“We must go to LZ." 
Kim and the lieutenant. insisted on 
carrying our scar. We walked to the 


landing zone where the lae kwon do team 
had practiced. An H-31 was there and 
the Koreans threw our stuff on board, 
shook hands with us and left. The ship 
looked old and rickety. Thi were a 
couple of patches on the skin just aft of 
midships. The area behind the exhausts 
was scorched black and the nose had oil 
1 did not like HBAs to start 
They shook and bucked and clat- 
than 
minded me of a car Pd owned when 
kid, a 5150 clunker that was al- 
ays dropping its drive shalt. 

Anson bad flown with one of the pilots 
before and they stood oll to one side 
chatting, while I talked to the door gu 
ners. One was а tall, thin kid with bad 
acne and a ragged blond mustache. The 
other was equally tall and skinny, but a 


smears. 


tered much more Hueys und re- 


was 
L 


Negro. The colonel and his bodyguard, 
who с 


an enonnously broad man vied 
1 M2 with folding stock, two 15s and 
r, саше out of the opera- 
ıs building and started down the hill 
to the LZ. The pilots and gunners came 
to attention and suluted, then the pilots 
and the colonel huddled over a map 
nd he showed them where he wanted 
to go. We got in and the Negro started 
the auxiliary motor. The main motor 
coughed and caught and the rotor began 
to turn and I could feel the vibrations 
shaking up through my feet and legs 
xd back. 
We lifted off and flew for maybe 15 
minutes before the pilot began circling. 
Through the 1 saw the marker 
smoke, a blossom of yellow fog in the 
center of a dearing. We made another 
circle and dropped. As always, E felt my 
stomach damp and something inside my 
chest tighten. It was like being in an ele- 
valor on the 40th floor when somebody 
cuts the cables. We banked steeply and 
the quiltwork of paddies and trees was 
like а checkerboard: spun on a tableto) 
he gunnery were watching the trees, 
but 1 did not see any muzzle flashes. The 
colonel and the bodyguard were leaning 
forward to get а better view, while An- 
son sat rigidly, his eyes shut. 

We leveled off and came in fast and 


door 


134 low, the wheels scudding over the irec- 


tops, and let down in а Buddhist grave 
yard, Almost before Anson, the last man 
was out, the pilot pulled pitch and 


ified 
away. 
The graveyard was perhaps a quarter 
of a mile square. The Kor 


ns were du 


in everywhere. between graves and be 
hind tombstones. The C.O., а thickset 
captain, met us, A deep sear on his left 


cheek curved whitely through the heavy 
black stubble, his lips were chapped and 
cracked, and he still wore his helmet and 
Hak jacket and carried an M-2 slung over 
his shoulder. ‘The colonel shook his hand 
d pounded him on the back, They 
talked in Korean, very rapidly, and the 
captain shook his fist at a pile of V. C. 


Мом of the troops were still in their 
foxholes. Some were dozing, but most 
had the vacant hollow expression and 


glazed eyes that you often see after bat. 
ile. The ground was strewn with debris, 
empty carnidse casings and machine 


винен links, bandage wrappers, halt 


opened Cration tins ponchos | 


metal ammunition boses, intrenching 
took. We began taking pictures, but 
none of the Koreans looked at us or eve 


seemed to notice us. They just sit in the 
holes. clutching their weapons, and stared 
out beyond the perimeter. They were 
very different from Americans, who, no 
mater how tired or shell-shocked, always 
пу to pose and usually to dowr 

I found one boy, a machine gunner, 
in a hole beside a stack of Korean bodies 
A belt of .30-caliber ammo was slur 
around his neck. the chin strap of his 
helmet was undone, and he was crying 
soundlesly, the tears squeezing ош and 
down his cheeks one by one. On the lip 
of the hole was the machine gun, still 
med out toward the cane 


led and poi 


ke, with hundreds of empties littered 
out the feet of the tripod. The bodies 
d been wrapped 
and there arms and feet protruded, and 
beside one w g that had been sev 
cred at the thigh. The pants had be 
blown or ripped away, but the foot w 
still booted. 1 knelt and snapped the 
gunner, with the leg and the poncho: 
wrapped bodies in the foreground. TI 
kid heard the camera clicking and 
looked over at me, but did not stop 
crying or in any way change expression 

1 began to feel terrible and turned 
away from him. Sooner or kuer, оп any 
story where there was а bad fight. 1 felt 
this way for a while. The good pictures 
and stories were always of the dead or 
the wounded or the gri 


ponchos, but he 


as 


ow with people, no matter how much 
you liked them, you knew that to get 
ood stull. some of them would have to 
be killed or hurt. The other way to look 
at it wi 


that whatever happened hap 


pened, whether you were there or not; 


nd if you didn't report it, somebody 
else would. But sometimes Í could not 
make myself sec it tha 

1 moved over to where Auson was 
shooting a pile of V. C. dead, With him 
were two American ANGLICO M 
air naval gunfire liaison. men 
ol whom was ass 
company. Most of 


way. 


V.C. had been 


the 
stripped and they lay at odd angles, with 


ss and necks twisted into unnatural 
positions. They had died by all manner 
ol means. Some had been stitched across 
the chest by automatic fire, others man- 
gled by grenades, one had his jaw shot 
away, another had been decapitated 
a third had only a s 
cisely between the eyes. 
crushed skulls, as if they had be 
clubbed or stomped, and two or three 
had erections. Anson was prodding one, 
who was lying face down, with his foot. 

Have a look at this bugger,” he said. 
Not а mark on hin 

Anson got a boot under his shoulder 
and flipped 1 

Fucking bl 

Americans said. 

I think it was fae 
d. “See how his necks broke 
“Maybe.” the Marine said. 

I introduced myself to the Marines, 
whose names were Canon and Mac- 

Cauley, They both had blue eyes and 
stubbly blond beards. J asked them what 
happened. 
he motherfuckers tried to ding u 
Carson said. “That's what happened.” 

We laughed. 

They come in three waves" 
Cauley said. He used his hands а 


one of the 


Anson 


won do,” 


Mac- 
great 


deal as he talked and Anson Dega 
shooting. “The fast bunch had grenades. 
They hit us there." He 


the high end of the 
merged with thick unde 
10 pull in some, but then we got ‘em out. 
The all чш and more 
grenades, and the last one had a lot of 
automatic c 

"Did they penetrate the perimete 
Anson asked. 

No,” Caron said. "They just moved 
us back some. But they sure scared the 
shit out of us. 

“What time did it start?" P asked. 

"Zero four hundred.” 


“We had 


second was 


When did they break it off 


“Zero 
er,” 

The colonel came up and said that he 
wanted us to photograph the captured 
weapons. We followed him to another, 
Lager pile of V. C. bodies. Beside them 
were rows of neatly arranged weapons. 1 
counted. two very dirty BARS, 12 cr- 
bines, an old French MG with a funnel 
shaped flash suppressor on the muzzle 
and Chinese scratched into 
the receiver, two Chinese copies of Rus 
sian AK assault rifles with short barrels 


hundred. Maybe a litle 


characters 


“This is the third-floor conference room. Help!” 


135 


PLAYBOY 


136 


ng, curved dips, and over a 
dred stick grenades 
Anson photographed the colonel and 
in among the V. C. dead and 
» and I moved olf 
with the Americans, They had been 
iting lor a MEDEVAC chopper for the 
ın dead—the wounded had been 
lifted out just before we arrived—and 
now both the MEDEVAC and our ship 
were circling overhead. The pilots were 
who had landing priority. 
dons were to return for 
° five minutes,” one pilot said. 
as on the radio. "Screw 
said. "We got bods down 


VIP he 
here. Over. 
MacCauley gave a smoke grenade to 
Korean, who pulled the pin and threw it 
imo a dear place. Jt bust green. The 
MEDEWAG chopper came in and the Ko 
ptain tried to round up а crew to 
load the bodies. Nobody wanted to do it. 
‘The troops pretended they didn't he: 
the captain was shouting 
else Finally the captain and the 
colonel walked to several holes and 
pointed to the men in them, who got up 
slowly and, with obvious distaste, m 
handled the bodies into the chopper. 
The captain picked up the leg I had 
photographed and stuffed it into the 
nearest poncho. 
The MEDEVAC ship lifted off and 
Carson. called our bird back in. Anson 
didn't want lo leave. 
“We've got the dead," he said. “ 
we need some action. 
“AIL right" 1 said. I was sure the Ko- 
reans had decimated a V. C. battalion, I 
knew we would find more dead V.C. 
outside the perimeter and thought that if 
they the live ones 
would be long gone. But they might 
leave a sniper or two behind, in which 
case we could get some action. without 
much danger to ourselves. We told the 
colonel and he said we could come out 
on the resupply chopper that night. He 
shook hands with us and climbed into 
the ship. The door gunner with acne 
ve us a thumbs up as they lifted off. 
The captain showed us where we 
were his map. We had to move 
though brush and jungle and across 
some paddies to 
road for a mile to hook up with some 
other companies. He sent a point platoon 
and in about five minutes the rest of 
ed. The troops were still grim but 
had lost the glazed look, and they moved 
well in the br but carefully. 
There were many more V. G. bodies. 1 
counted 40 myself. Some had 
been hit by rifle or machine-gun fire, but 
most had been shredded by artillery. All 
hi, of course, artillery had 
ng in steadily up to within 40 
ers of the perimeter. Lite bits of 
ad flesh ck to trec 
trunks and bushes, and once I зам an arm 


or 
some- 


one 


ran tue to fo 


on 


road, then down the 


were si 


hooked around a limb 20 feet overhead. 
Anson was in good spirits. He be 


them F 
I I ever see 


you get 
ked. 7 


there is 


Carson 
gooks." 

“You must speak French,” said Anson, 
who could barely manage a parlezvous. 
Then it’s simple. They fall all over 
you.” 

We worked out of the trees and 
through a camebrake to the edge of 
paddy. The point platoon was 200 
yards ahead of us, moving toward а tree 
line and using a dike as cover. According 
to the map, the road we wanted 
along the пее line. The captain si 
а rest break and we sat on top of à dike 
and took our packs off and lay back 

inst them. I passed cigarettes aro 
How come you guys come out her 
MacCauley asked. "You d, 
do vou 


air." I said. "We're not getting rich." 
"You been out long? 
Not too long,” I said. “Three months. 
He has, though. He's short.” 
“I shall do only two more operations 
after this on Anson said. 
“Hev,” Carson sid. "Ain't you the 
guy who got zapped on that cute? I 


read where some English guy 
zapped.” 


was him,” I said 

Anson pointed to the scar 

Shit, buddy." € 
you, 1 wouldn't go out no more, 
ter what they give ли 
You been in the service? 
asked. 

No" Anson said. " 
have conscription anymore.” 

And you?” 
No,” 1 said. 

"Wouldn't that be a piss. You do your 
time out here and they fucking draft you 
and send you back," Carson said. 

1 stubbed out the cigweue and shut 
my eyes. White spots danced and slith- 
ered on the backs of the lids The N 
alking and I felt a gentle 


son said. 


no 


MacCauley 


па doesn't 


rines stopped 


warm breeze. I sat up and rubbed my 
Tace, The Marines were lying there 
with their helmets olf and their eyes 


closed: Anson was wiping a camera with a 
chamois, The captain was with his radio- 
man behind the next dike, studying 
map. Anson glanced up and smiled at me. 

About ready to push on, are they? 
ма. 

“1 guess.” 

That was when it stan 
cracking sound, like 
crackers lit somewhere next block, 
and saw a line of spouts of water two 
paddies ahead of us, and the wee line 

i h muzzle fm I 


he 


fire 


threw myself forward and there was a 
short silence and then the cloth tea 
1 of incomings and the whines of 
The wd damp 

bace, 10 count 


mp of grass 


arth was soft 
d 1 bega 
the number of stems it 
front of my 
The Koreans reacted very quickly; 
they returned the fire almost. instantly. 
1 could distinguish at least two BARS 
working in steady regulation threeshot 
bursts amid the quick c ш of the 
carbines on full auto and the solid cracks 
of the M-ls. Somewhere to the left a ma 
chine gun opened up and 1 wondered 
it was the kid I'd photographed earlier. 1 
felt around behind me for my camer 
and pulled it to me. Three red ants 
Climbing the strap. 1 watched them 
moment, then crushed them 

my thumb and fore 


ochets. 


inst my 


ac 


ose. 


wer 
for a 
tween 
raised my hy 


п was on the radio, t 


The cap 
to the point or calling artillery, a 
son was taking pictures of a 60mm-mor 
kly, ducking 
dilterent angles, 


tar crew. He worked qu 
lor 


side 
1м 


fom to side 
xd, vs. I admired his coolness. 
He dodged down the dike and snapped 
a lew of a BAR man, who did not notice 
he was there, then started across the 
paddy for the captain, The water was 
пее deep and the gumbo sucked at his 
boots and the grain stalks grabbed at his 
legs. but he ran hard, his body low and 
thrust forward and the camera 1 
swinging wildly from his shoulder. 1 got 
my camera up and centered him in the 
finder and he tripped, caught. himself, 
straightened up, 
just as he wa 


d Í took the picture 

5 went out 
L someone 
ne, and 


hit. His d 
from under him, almost as 
dipped him in а football р; 
he went sprawling  sidew: 
ard. The camera bag Hew op 
equipment spewed out ahead of him 
there was а quick mirror flash as а lens 
caught the sun. He flopped twice and 
was still. 

I crawled toward him, wallow 
the muck and half drowning in paddy 
water, but I think he was dead by th 
time I got there. I'm not sure. He was on 
his face, but 1 did not want to turn him 
over. All 1 could think of was to get him 
morphine. We always carried Syreues of 
morphine with us, in our packs, and I 
1 got back, 
a Korean medic wa 1 showed him 
the $угеце—1 w g it in my 
hand along with some mud and rice 
roots—and pointed at Anson's leg, but 
he shook his head. 

Alter that I Jost my sense of t 


. The 


rest of the action could have covered five 
minutes or halt a day. 1 dragged Anson 
10 a dike and spre: cho over him 


and fou айап bush 
hat. E started to lift the poncho and put 
the hat with the body, but then thought 
that he wouldn't need it anymore, some 


door gunner or embalmer would get it, 
nd stuffed it in my pocket. At one point 
r stike was called. Four camo 
flaged Phantoms came in and dropped 
750 pound bombs on the tree line, 
strafed it and napalmed it. A spotter 
plane circled slowly, but I couldn't hear 
the buzz of its motor over the firing. I 
took some pictures of the captain, the 
medic and the FACs, but they were out 
of focus when 1 had them developed. 
Finally the firing died down—I found 
out later that the other Korean compa- 
1 hit the V. C. from the flank and 
Hed four—and the MEDEVAC ship 
came overhead. Carson was on the radio 
again. The pilot wanted to know how 
many he had to pick up. 
“Iwo Koran WIA,” 
One American KIA. 
"One American?" 
“Roger,” Carson 
this reporter 
“He was English, 
"Whats the dill?" 
"They dinged him." 
The chopper came down and I helped 
load the poncho. Then the Koreans were 
put in. One had been shot through the 
wrist and the other in the gut, The first 
man had his arm in a sling and insisted 


Carson said. 


said. "They dinged 


I said. 
Macc 


uley sa 


on climbing aboard without help. He 
was grinning. The second man was on a 


stretcher and his Гасе was drawn and his 


eves were closed. 


1 was sitting on the dike the captain 
and the radioman had used during the 


fight. 
"You OK?" 
“Sure.” E said, 
He offered me a cigarette and lighter. 
“Thanks.” I said 
When the H34 landed, he helped 
me gather the gear, both packs and both 
camera bags and load it As 1 was 


climbing in, he slapped me on the 
shoulder and Carson gave me thumbs 
up. We took off and rose quickly. The 
gunners were watching the tree line 
and did not pay any attention to me. For 
the fist time. P noticed that Anson's 
amera bag had been hit. There was a 
neat line of perforations across the front, 
four in all. I had put all the equipment 
Td found back in, but had not noticed 
the hits. I thought I ought to send it to 
his family. but 1 did not know his pm 
ents’ address. In fact, E didn't know if he 
had parents T just knew that he came 
from London and wanted to go b; 
there—alihough we always kidded hi 
and told him that he'd be back in South- 
st Asia in three months, that he 
couldn't bear the thought of a war wi 
out him there to photograph it. T 
knew that he was an insomniac, 


that 


once or twice a week a piece of shrapnel 
worked its way out of his ass, that he be- 
came dangerous after а certain point in 
his drinking and had been known to pull 
a loaded gun on friends that his jaw 
ached when it icd, that he was proud. 
of the scars on his face and che: at he 
wore his hair long because it was unmili 
тагу and annoyed American officers, but 
that he kept in his desk a box containing 
the insignia of every outfit he'd ever gone 
into the field wi t he was in love 
w Eurasian girl im Singapore. and 
that he idolized Capa and David Douglas 
инсап. | had known him very well, 
I thought. but had not really known 
much about him. 

The H-34 clattered on. We were high 
enough so that the gunners relaxed and I 
tapped one on the shoulder and asked 
where we were going. He yelled bı 
gade. and I nodded and settled back 
against the ship's side. The vibrations. 
rauled me like an clectric massage ma- 
chine gone wild. 1 was marow-tired and 
wanted more than anything to be some- 
place that was absolutely still, that. did 
not batter me with noise, For no particu- 
r reason, | remembered the Korean 
machine gunner, the tears and the leg 
ıd the bandolecr, and then I wondered 
how I would look if somebody should 
take a picture of me. 


INVER. 
HOUSE 


IMPORTED RARE SCOTCH 


137 


PLAYBOY 


138 


THE GT ооа from baa 70) 


denied it, at length, feeling that any- 
g che would result in our being 
chained to a wall in the Tower of Lon- 
don. Further, Moss succeeded in per- 
suading the policemen that they were 
terribly mistaken, we hadn't been doing 
ng like 85 miles an hour. I can sa 
however, that the car is quite capable of 
thar speed in that distance. The Maserati 
ibli does 170 mph, a reasonable rate 
for the $16,900 on the price tag. 

The tendency in recent years has been 
from the smallish hand-assembled 
engine (a Maserati engine takes one man 
16 hours to put together) and toward the 
big, hairy V-8 American. It is this notion 
that has produced the Shelby cars, first 
the Cobra, then the  Mustang-based 
350/500s, the Chevrolet Corvette Sting 
Ray—a genuine GT car in any league, 
over any piece of road—and the superb 
Ford 40. An n variant is the 
Iso Grifo, splendid coachwork, lushly 
upholstered, beautifully | instrumented, 
running a Corvette 327 engine that puts 
it well into the 160-mph category in 
which the ѕирег СТ motorcars live. The 
Iso Grifo will run with anything, and 
the comparative cheapness of its engi 
drops the price to around $13,000. 

Another kalian user of the Corvette 
engine is the Bizzarrini GT, its wind- 
tunnel-formed body so low that the rear 
window is almost flat. Giono Bizzar- 
the cars builder, is impressively 
ied. He designed for Ferrari until 


qual 


1961, then did the V-12 Lamborghini 
engine. The Iso-Rivoha and (he Iso 
Grifo were his designs. The Bizzarrini 


model coming t this country is called 
the GT America and sells for а remark 
able 510,500. The handling qualities of 
the car are superb. among the best in 


the world, and it will tolerate imper- 
turbably maneuvers that would upend 
lesser machines: braking in the middle 


of а fast bumpy bend, for example. 

Where the Italian bodybuilders tend 
toward light and slenderlooking struc- 
tures, Ame 
nuscle show. Carroll Shelby's GT 500 is 
a very gutty-looking motorcar. The big 
air scoop on the bonnet and the two a 
of the door don't look to be there on a 
stylist's whim; there's a roll bar in full 
view and double ov ioulder safe- 
ty harness. The Ford V-8 engine is big 
enough by Fi standards (7 liters) to 
drive two and a half. G Ts; its not all 
fussy or highly tuned, but it will see 100 
mph in 17 seconds and a bit, and the top 
of 132 not long afterward. All in all, 
quite a lot for about 51500 

Another bulger in this class is the Cor- 
vene Sting Ray, an all-Detroit package 
included here because it's а gran turimo 
in the European rather than the new 
domestic sense. If anything. the Sting 
Ray looks becficr and more potent 
than the GT 500, but it isn't quite as 
les an hour slower at the top 
end, hardly a crushing deficiency, partic- 


ican "pure" СТУ let more 


“The redeeming social value is there, all right— 
it's the pornography that's weak." 


rly when the car can be bought, top- 
е options exduded, for about $500 
les. The 300-horsepower engine is 
quiet. the ride comfortable, and thc 
lour wheel disk brakes will stop it. It's а 
startlingly potentlooking vehicle, and I 
have seen one very quickly build a small 
mob scene on a European street, with 
bystanders estimatin! 
ing up to three times reality 

The tamed version of the Ford GT 40. 
k HI, doesn’t look so mus- 
i5 simply terrifying. Only 41 inches 
high, the Mark HI is not a thing of over- 
whelming aesthetic appeal inside or out, 
but there is beauty of a kind in its func- 
tionalism and, of course, much appeal in 


the knowledge that this is, practically, 
the 


me car that won the Manulac- 
pionship for Sports Cars last 


The Mark HI is the GT 40 
modified enough to be legal and sensible 
Tor overthe-road use. ^s even a 


luggage c ient, but forget about 
packing your extra parka or your wading 
boot. lt has а fivespeed gearbox and 
about as much performance as you are 
kely y way of 
Bring 518,500. A friend. of mine 
told me recently how much his mother, 
who's in her 70s. had enjoyed 175 mph 
over Upstate New York ic his GT 
40. It reminded her, she said, of the 
ards she had driven when she was 
ounger—in smoothness, that is, not 


par 


to need in the ord 


ds 


n 


There are two topline British GTs 
and they are both classics: the E-type 
Jaguar and the Aston Martin DBG. Both 
come out of old-line firms running well 
back of the Second War; both have long 
histories with successes in th 
events—Le Mans, for ex 
rds still running what is 
cylinder 
Je the reputation of the 
XK-120 series. The bugs are long out of 
this engine, and it is as trouble-free as 
a comparatively small 150-mph power 
plant cin be. The standard E type is the 
coupe, but the company does а 242 as 


well. Both are prodigious value for 
the money at $5580 and S5870. 
The Aston Ma is another six 


cylinder « 
the пай 


and it is, like the best of 
id assembled. (There's no 


a 
such thing as a handmade car.) Quoted 


by the 
verified by тери 
luxurious touches u British high 
performance motorears: electric win- 
dows, for example. And of course there 
v the usual masses of wool carpet 
id leather, The British market will 
not tolerate am expensive automobile 
that doesn't seem to have been derived, 
iu its interior, from the library of a 
manor house. The hardtop Aston coupe 
is 512.995: the convertible, $13,995. Inc 
dentally, speed limit or no speed limit, 
Aston Martin designers are still planning 
а 200-mph road automobile. Unquestion- 


ably, they can make it if they choose 
10. 105 curious to contemplate the fact 
that outcries against high road speeds 
are never stilled, and that as traffic den- 
sities increase, even the Continent. will 
certainly impose limits, as England has 
done; but there are a dozen firms capa- 
ble of making 200-mph cars, and if one 
does, the others will. Perhaps the future 
will see small electrics for the city, auto- 
mated hands-off vehicles for commuters 
and 200-250-mph GT cars on restricted 
parkways in the hands of specially 
licensed drivers. 

Technically one of the most interest- 


ng high-performance cam to appear 
in recent years is the Jensen, product 
of a small British house. This is 


other Italian-bodied (Vignale), Ате 
engined (Chrysler) hybrid, unusual i 
U. K. market in that automatic t 
sion is standard and manual optional. 
There are two models, the Interceptor 
and the FF (for Ferguson Formula). They 
are identically bodied, the difference 
being in the works The FF has a most 
ious four-wheel drive system that 
ads the power evenly fore and aft 
Че to side, prevents wheelspin under 
y amount of power application and, 
a the Maxaret braking system developed 
for aircraft prevents any wheel from 
locking. The J. п FF is therefore prac- 
tically skidproof and can reasonably 
daim to have the most advanced running 
gear in production today. It is priced 
round 515.000. 

А few years ago а British house put on 
the market strange vehicu device, 
the Marcos, а small high-performance 
cur built partly of wood. It inspired 
many amusing flights ol fancy as to 
what would happen to it in а crash. 
(Not much: Plywood is very strong.) 
"The Marcos has a fiberglass body now. 
and there are two models, the 1500 and. 
the 1600 СТУ, powered by British 
engines of 1.5 and 1.6 liters, respect 
The Marcos stands waist-high to a shore 
ish man, the interior ngements en- 
force the full arm length steering position 
favored by grand prix drivers, ıd the 
effect is altogether exciting. The 1600 is 
an 8.4-second 0-to-60 machine and costs 
about 51500 in this country. Because the 
structure of the car allows no scat adjust- 
ment, the whole pedal assembly—clutch, 
brake and accelerator—can be moved 
four inches front or rear as a unit. 

Currently, the sensation in England 
is a car that will be assembled but not 
sold there: the Lotus Europa, This is 

hybrid (Renault engine) from the 
atelier of Colin Chapman, on whose 
Lotus grand prix cars Jimmy Clark came 
to the championship of the world. The 
Europa's engin the new mid-point, 
to-west, position, just behind the 
ts, Isa two.place coupe. This is a st 
d intriguing little GT car, getting over 
110 mph out of 82 horsepower Tt is not 
luxuriously filed out—the windows are 


is 


“This should be interesting.” 


fixed, the seats are semireclining in the 
grand prix fashion, with pedal adjust- 
ment as in the Marcos; and the fairly 
tight luggage compartment, behind the 
engine, gets a bit warm. But the Europa 
handles impeccably, as does Chapman's 
standard road car, the Elan, and the 
51000 it costs brings you the intangible 
satisfaction of driving а most advanced 
motorcar. Incidentally, some of the new 
cars, and the Europa is one, will not 
meet the recently laid down U.S. safety 
standards and so can’t be imported in 
their present form 

А conventional small GT from Eng- 
land is the Triumph GT-6, successor to 
the TRAA. This is a pleasant-looking 
hardtop, with access to the luggage 
space behind the seats through а оир 
vindow frame. Because it runs а 
inder engine instead of the four so 
n this kind of car, it has sufficient 
go—60 in 10 seconds—and the brakes, 
n front, drums behind, are 
The GT-6 does have a couple of 
reminders of ancient British prejudice— 
one, that the way to ventilate an automo- 
bile is to open up everything wide, never 
mind fancy ductings and blowers; and 
two, that a “firm” ride on rough surface 
is one of the marks of the sporting vehi- 
cle. But for a shade les than $8000, the 
GT-6 is an attractive. buy. 

A hundred dollars more brings in the 
MGB-GT. The MG is the sports car for 
many, and it has the longest contem- 
porary tradition in this country, The TC 
model MG was the fist sports car to come 
here in any quantity after World. War 


su- 


pe 


Two, and it was the rock on which the 
revival of road racing was based in 1948. 
А ТС cost 51995 or so then, and its suc 
cessor, the B. is about $1000 more now, 
a reasonable acceleration, indeed, in the 
light of the increase in cost of many 
other things much less desirable. The 
MGBGT is a hardtop coupe with a 
couple of midget seats behind. Its quiet 
for the type; it will do an honest 100 and 
get to 60 in around 13 seconds. There 
are worse ways to go. 

The Italian industry may be best 
known for its dominance of the $15,000 
150-mph category down the у 
small-engine high-pe machines 
have an eminence deserved 
Alfa Romeo is one of the foundation 
names in Italian motor making, pro 
ducer of every kind of automobile, well 
remembered for fabulous racing achieve- 
ments and for such classics as the 1750 
Zagato-bodied twoseater of the 1930s. 
A good current example of Alfa is the 
1600 Dueto, a $100 motorcar. The 
body is odd-looking to some tastes, and 
trouble has been gone to in order to 
icorporate a vestigial rendering ol the 
traditional Alfa Romeo grille. But the 
engine is in the expensive double-over- 
head-camshaft configuration, there are 
five speeds, four-wheel disks, and it pe 
forms zestfully; 113 mph. 

Fiat is another old-line house off 
а whole range of fast machines. The Fi 
Dino coupe was а world sci 
troduction because the en 
[ter Enzo Fer 
son Dino, a promising talent who dicd in 


5, but its 


amed 


139 


AOBAUTA 


nodel.” 


“We haven't missed anything—here comes the m 


140 


carly manhood. It's а V-6 with jour over- 
head camshafts, and turns out 166 
horsepower, enough for 131 mph. There 
are disk brakes all around, magnesiu 
aluminum-alloy wheels; the coachwork. 
by Bertone, is as beautiful as anything on 
and the interior is luxurious to 
a degree rarely Го n 


in sports 
as always had on the production 
small car—the Fiat Topolino is a 
classic—and the current example is the 
authorities think this the best 
small car going, and in the Spider ver- 
sion by Bertone. it is the lowest-priced 
1 on the market, at û star- 
ting $1998. The car is a delight: strong, 
sturdy. rattle-free, quiet, excellent han 
dling. The engine runs merrily to 6000 
revolutions a minute and beyond, it will 
go past 90 mph. A bargain, to be sure. 
Lancia, another legendary house, has 
a thoroughly exciting car in the model 


Fulvia, a УЯ double-overhead- 
ime, L3 liters, driving the 
wheels. The Fulvia is undoubtedly o 


EET 
years, 


of the most i 
through desig 
thing about the el 
gear is beautifully bı 
dition of It 


aportant sma 
recent 


5 of 


rui 


ne, 


in the best 
lian things mecl 


the performance is extraordinary 
one thing. it offers all the advantages of 
front wheel drive with none of the draw- 
backs. There is no stilne» in the steer- 
. no vibration, and most people. not 
ing been told, would never know 
ng the driven wheels. 


Sports 
Zagato is a striking piece ol 
g. full of luxurious little 
gimmicks unusual for the price + 
red warning lights on the door edges f 
ncc, and a flip switch on the dash 
lifts the rea 


that 
electrically by 


window luggage. door 


ches for 


а couple of 
АН this lor S4150. 
п othe GT 
Bens amd Porsche. 
ler Bens, the oldest motorcar manu- 
factory in the world, is probably best 
known at the moment for the huge, 
826.000 Pullman 600 M-B limousine 
doubt the most luxurious vehide in the 
rker place today: but the two-seater 
950 SL is equally notable and may bc 
the most advanced sports сат avail- 
able. It is extraordinary in handling, in 
controllability. in silence. in longevity. in 
finish. Aud it can be had with a flawless 
autom u T 

Porsche. young 
Benz standards, has made a 


ilation. 
Two 


vei 


field are 


reputation since the 
Porsches have won 

run, nearly always against 
iron, aud they аге so reliable 1 
become that four Porsches 
мап a 24-hour race, say. three will cer- 


th as 
а 


fou 
The Model 356 Porsche bec 


ly finish and probably ıl 
well. 


s own time, 
nodels will do the same. 
and р 


and 9115 
Porsche combi 


the comp: of the place. After 


a bit, Ir The 
car was bei refully and 
slowly by fit 1 uyin 


with no bashing and none of the has 
that brings brutality. I've owned three 
Porsches and nothing has ever 
gone wrong with any of them. At the top 
of the line just now is the 9115. runnin 
IBO horsepower, a rear-mounted six 
cylinder air-cooled engine, 140 mph. In 
addition to the standard. coupe, Porsche 
has a solution, unique with the firm, lor 
the sale-convertible problem. This is the 
Tanga model, which carries a wide roll 
bar structure behind the seats, giving 
four variations on top-up. topdown posi 
tions, The Targ 90 on the 9115 
chassis. The four-cylinder 912, with per- 
formance in the 113-mph area, is 51790. 

There is one superb full four 
passenger GT cuz the 2000€8 by BMW 
(Bayerische Motoren. Werke). Ags 
is a «аг for which sophisticated. people 
(grand prix drivers u it as perso 
transportation, for example) cla 
tide The Best, It is faulrlessly b 


is $7 


ie, with 


the с allscrewlorssiraig] 
tion to detail that only Germany seem 
sill able to comn JO has dux 
deurie windows. elearic rool— 


ih 
eakal 


goes 
unl 


nd of а notoriously 


comm 


uc. The Пав 


circunist 


another p 


could ru nd not know n. 1 


ov 


every day, hard, 


and it wasn’t lo »ugh (o turn up 
anything fe argue about except trilles 
like the placement of the choke, craltily 
hidden away by someone who hites 
parkingdor attendants. The sum of 


SIUS) brings il home to you. 

‘The Glas 1700 GT is sometimes culled 
in Germany “the poor man’s Porsche 
the Rover 3-liter is called in England 
“the poor man’s Rolls Royce.” and th: 
а high compliment. The Glas 1700 is 

5 automobile, four cylinders, single 
overhead. camshaft, Malian bodied, smart 
and practical. It's quick, 0-60. in under 
10 seconds, 1 will yun unfussily all 
day 3, with n 
as a top speed. The 
at the figure, new in 


and 


this country 
thus offering the virtue of considerable 
exclusivity. 


Sweden makes two GT automobiles 
that have wide followings all over the 
world, the Volvo and the SAAB. The 
Volvo 18005 is not new, it s been on 
the market for about five years, and t 
о doubt the root of its repu as à 
norhing-gots-wrong The Volvo 


ei 


achin 


» wildly fast—it will get to 60 
ad do a top of 109—but 
kable degree while 
ining the grace and good looks that 
run turismo car must have. The body's 
High waistline and the absence of green 
houselike sheets of glass give a tucked- 
in. secure and private feeling. Volvo 
builds for rough Swedish roads and cold 
Swedish winters, so the 18005 is one GT 
car that cannot be faulted for ride or in 
stant heat and good ventilation. The fac- 
tory says the cars average life is 11 
years, and I knew no reason to doubt it 
SAAB. basically an aircraft. firm. and 
one of the world’s leaders in the field of 
fighter planes, made a world reputation 
with a three-ylinder hont-wheeldrive 
For years the poppin 
ust sound of this lite 
nt note in Euro- 


coupe 
in 13 seconds 


it’s sturdy to a n 
ret 


frying: p: 
two stroke was а doi 


pean rallies, where the car's indestruct 
ad weirdly adhesive road holding 

М of such master drivers a 

Erik Carlson made it almost unbeatable 


Theres a brand 
of the 
at S34 
comfort, 


tion ol 


iew sports version 
Se 
ve performa 
1 (105 mph) and t 


g you 


three-eylinder called. 1 


we 


proven 
me evident a few ye: 
nese intended moving 
omobile producers. 


ago thar the Ja 
n on the world’s a 


there was a tendency toward polite 
amusement in some quarters—but. n 

tably not among motorcycle makers 
who had been blized. trampled and 


wiped out by Honda. American skeptics 
when suddenl 
showed up just behind Volkswagen in 
foreign-car siles in the bellwether Los 
Angeles market. Toyota is the biggest of 
the Japanese makers, which is to say the 
biggest in the East. and having broken 
in on standard sedan and station-wagon 


were convinced Toyo 


types, has now offered an absolurel 
stunning gran turismo. the 2000 GT. 


This is a tour-de-force automobile and it 
going to have a formidable impact. It's 
made to go: six-cylinder doubleover 
headcamshalt engine riding on seven 
bearings, 150 horsepower out of two 1 
ters. A 2000 GT ran 72 hours at 128.76 
mph and took three world 3 inter: 
national records doing it. The Japanese 
do not overprice their merchandise, and 
the 2000 GT Toyo 
56800. 


d 


goes lor about 


The choice is wide. АП you need is the 
mo 


ку and a place to 


to go with. The reason for doing it 
a wise enough. Dr. Samuel Johnson 
said that if he could, he would spend his 


life traveling 
Gl 
pr 
nonessential n 
d weather 


t in a post chaise, the 
of his day, in the company of a 
y woman, and mind 
sances as work 


never such. 


nd taxes 


141 


PLAYBOY 


142 


PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR 


(continued from page 109) 


worth over 512,500, also includes а Pl 
mate of the Year wardrobe in Playmate 
Pink (an original tint premiered in 1961, 
when our bonus program for the Play 
mate of the Year was inaugurated), from 
lerry Kaplan Boutique (Chicago), by 
California, Howard Hirsh and 
Boul’ Mich i jacket from Alper 
ink coat fom 
s (New York), an Exquisite 
Form lingerie wardrobe, Revlon 
s Renauld of France sunglasses, 
a Lilly Dache hair fall from Ka 
Products (Chicago): for a bit of supple 
uy sparkle, Lady Hamilton has sup. 
аце and diamond. wrist 
nd from Maria Vogt (New Vork) 
quires a H-kt-gold Rabbit 
Pin with a diamond eye 
H our Playmate of the Yes 
inclined to engage in sports—Lisa’s an 
avowed lover of waterskiing, horseback 
riding, motorcyde and sportscar racing 
shell be properly equipped with а 
Formex scamper boat, water skis and a 
Swimaster scuba tink from W. J. Voit, 
а Plastilite surfboard, a Honda Super 90 
motorcycle and a tenpeed Schwinn bike 
(the last two in Playmate Pink), a bongo 
board from the Bango Corporation, a 
Winchester automatic skeet gun and 
shooting outfit, and a Spalding tennis 
racket, with cover and press. From U. S. 
Divers, List receives а marina jacket, 
snorkel, mask and fins, plus a Jaguar 


Вапа Fu 


соу 


Teels 


B BUTTON 
TEMPORARILY 


Club spear gun and a Grisbi Кийе. With 
snow skis from the Head Ski Company. 
PK ski poles from Peter Kennedy, and 
Henke buckle ski boots, Lisa will be set 
to take advantage of her complimentary 
ski week for two at Vail, Colorado—a 
package gift including lift tickets, lodg- 
ing and instruction: Continental Aülincs 
has supplied two tickets to Denver. For 
suitable sporting attire, she can choose 

nong her new Edelweiss ski outhts, Levi 
Strauss Western ridi el and Jant- 
zen swimsuits; she's n granted a 
lifetime supply of Sea & Ski sunan 
lotion, which will come in handy during 
her ten-day, governmentsponsored tour 
оГ Nassau and the Bahamas, 

Whenever she feels inspired to ex- 
press hersell in any of the artistic media, 


Lisa will have at her fingertips а com- 
plete set of artists materials from Grum- 
bacher (New York), a 
Vivitar 8mm movie c n electric 
guitar and ampliher from Yamaha In 


tern: and 


ion Smith-Corona: porta 
ble electric typewriter. For simple but 
ish relaxation, she'll have her own 
ianstyle reclining Burris chair fur- 
with velvet in—you guessed it 
— Playmate Pink. And, to celebrate her 
уч 
mums from 


styl 
H 


nished 


celebri 


us, a case of brut champagne 


mi iul Masso 
Baker, the best things in life are 
ly free, 


connoisseur of Playmates will [reel 


deed; 


id the credit, as any 


ROOM 312 


for the twenty years we were m. 
ananged for her to мау in 
night.” 

Sam hit Shehon so hard on the back 
that he knocked the paper cup out of 
his hand. 

"Charlie, that’s it! You're а godd 
genius. | knew it all the time. You qu 
types are always sm: 

1 don't understand, Mr. Webster.” 

“Don't you see, Charlie, we get rid of 
people for a price. A damn good price. 
Our own little disposal service. No mess, 
no fuss. Do you know how many people 
there are that want to get rid of their 
wives, their mother business as 
sociates? АП we have to do is spread the 
word in the right spots. We'll have more 
goddamn business than we can handle” 

“Mr. Webster, isn’t that just ike 
murde 


(continued from page 106) 
LY 


laws, 


der! Hell, 


10. Who said anything 
about murder? "There's no bodies. No 
body can blame us for a thing. Pm gonna 
cut you in for twenty percent. Charlie, 
we'll both get rich." 
“Twenty percent. 
ous, Mr. Webster.” 
«аһ, well, Im a generous guy. 
There's only one thing I goua do first 
that’s Hilda." 
Who's Hil 
“Hilda is Mrs. Webster. My goddamn 
miserable wife. Worst person ever 
walked the face of God's earth. She's got 
10 go tomorrow night." 
"So soon? Maybe you bener think 
about it for a while, Mr. Webster." 
“No chance! I wish it wasn't so latc. 
I'd get her over here ri Tomor- 
row night I'll get her in that room if 1 
have to hit hı 
ті 


ster 


That's very gener- 


t now 


over the head." 
nest evening about ten, Sam Web. 
ıd Mrs, Webster walked into the 
Hotel Madison. As they passed the desk, 
he patted her arm and remarked that it 
was going to be like a second hone 
moon. He had а cheap bottle of wine un- 
der his arm. He winked at Shelton as he 
led Hilda imo the elevator. She 
blushing like a schoolgirl 
Shortly after midnigl 
the lobby а 
sleeping like 
baby gorilla. That wine really 
did the trick. Two glasses and she was 
snoring so loud the room was shakin 
Sounds just like a subway train. She 
even forgot about the honeymoon. Ch 
lie, old baby. if this works, you get a bo- 
nus, An extra week's pay. 1 mean it. You 
don't know what it’s been like living 
with that ape for the past thirty years. 
ЛП work,” Shelton said. "It always 
docs.” 
At two A.M, Sam went up to 312. He 
was back in a few minutes, his face 
beaming, “It happened! Not а trace! Not 


was 


Sam Webster 


he s 


jamn t 


а godd: 
snapped his fingers. 
tle is gone. Can you imagine, C 
more Hilda” This he poured 
Shelton’s d 

The next d 
old friend of his. Lou 
he said, "Sammy Webster. 
fine. How are you? And how's the Mis2 1 
got a little busines proposition for you, 
Louie. How about lunch and we'll talk it 
over?" 

That 
checked in. Louis 
that Sam Webster w 
hotel, that he wi 


cc. Gone just like that.” he 
Even the wine bot 
ilie, no 


and Mrs. Crowell 
well told his wife 
10 sell the 
ost giving it away. 
Louis wanted to stay in it a night or two 
to see if everything was ОК. 

Jn the lobby a Hule after midnight, 
Shelion handed Crowell the whiskey 
boitle and pointed to the paper cups. 


Louis poured himsel a drink. "I dont 
like to sce her get hurt too much," he 
aid. 

“Mr. Crowell. I can assure you there'll 


be no 


Your wife will just con- 
y disappear." 
That's wh 


want no trouble w 
“There'll be no trouble with 
At two o'dock, you can go back up to 
nd get some sleep.” 
lv the next morning, Louis Crowell 
ne down t0 Shelton's cubbyhole 
office at the rear of the desk and found 
ad the clerk waiting for him. 
Louis reached into his pocket 
moved an envelope, which he handed to 
m Webster. 

“You got a great thing going here, 
Sammy. You delivered just like you said 
you would. 

Sam reached i 
pulled out two 5100 bills. 
lie, twenty percent, just like 1 
turned 10 Louis Crowell. “ 


give him my m 


“Sure, . I can send you lots of 
business. You'll be booked months in ad- 
vance. You got the greatest thing since 


Sam Webster looked as if his horse 
n the Kentucky Derby. “It's 
like the world’s greatest wart 
remover," he said. 
You'll be a big man, 
said, with obvious envy. 
Webster said, with a 
у look in his eyes. 
A month later, the demand was so 
avy for room 312 that the fee had 
gone up to 52000. Webster even had 
half a dozen suits made. He was slowly 
working his way through the chorus 
lines around town. 
Shelton kept his money in the safe at 
the Madison. He had never once both- 
ered to count it. One afternoon he did 
мор at a used-car lot. but when the sales 
man came toward him, he left hastily. 


" Louis 


He didn't know how to drive, anywav. 


and eyes that alw 
. He came into ilie 
helon had just 
y. "Mr. Shelton 
emember me? 

Shelton remembered the watery eyes. 


seemed close to te 
hotel one суеш 
come on du 


its Martha, m 


checked iu." Shelton said nervous! 
n absent, didn't she? 
Shelton. ГИ pay 
Martha back." 

Shelton cleared his throat. He looked 
boule of whiskey 


her back, Mi 
but | want 


h the desk. 
ng clear to you 
“Sammy I've known 
st. PI pay a 


long time. He 
. I've gor the 
with me. 1 want Martha back. 1 


Shelion picked up the phone with a 
am Webster 


to the hotel. There's a slight 


Sam Webster arrived in 20 mi 


He hardly noticed SI: 


for 312? We'll 


“A nameless dread, eh? That's easily 
fixed. We have names Jor everything.” 


thousand. All the hotels raise the rates 
n weekends.” 

“Tt isn't that, Mr. Webster. Its Mr. 
Slater here. he has a problem.” 

Sam Webster turned to Walter SI 
“Wally, old boy,” he said, "don't tell me 
you got someone else? A mistress, may- 
be? I'm surprised. 1 didn't figure you 
for a ladies’ man. FH rell you what, 
you're onc of our first customers—the 

мез have gone up, but you don't 
to go to the bottom of the list. Cha 
here'll fix you up some night next week 

Walter Slater looked down at the floor 
"You don't underst 
mistress. I don 
I want hei 
n Webster 
hand for the whiskey boule. 
the hell is hîs! How 
get her back? 1 told you the deal. We 
shook hands on it. Martha's gone. You're 
better oll. Go out and find yourself a 
young one. What the hell 
bout. Martha?" 

"Sammy, she was my wile.” 

“Wile! What the hell, who needs it? 
Fm telling you, there's no way (o bring 
her back.” He turned to Shelton. 

Is there, 

“I'm afraid not, Mr. SÍ 
no way." 

Walter Slater said nothing for a full 
minute. He watched 
the whiskey. Tears came to the corners 
of his sad eyes. “Sammy, if she's not 
home by tomorrow night, I'm going 10 
the police.” 

"Wally, you're crazy. Go to the police. 
What will it do? They'll snoop around 


id, Sammy, I don't 


you care 


ter, there's just 


PLAYBOY 


Boh ough 


ball ? 


Get all that’s in you and your 
hit a Maxfli. You'll 


never know how good you 


clubs 


are until you do. Sold only 
by professionals. Try one. 


Maxfli 


BY DUNLOP 


)44 | Everywhere in the worlds of çoll, tennis, and tires 


and theyll put vou in the nuthouse. 
Who's gonna believe your story? There's 
no bodies. Without no bodies, the police 
сапт do nothing.” 
Tomorrow night, 
Martha by tomorrow night 
Slater walked out of the hotel. 
Sam Webster poured another glass of 
whiskey. “Can you imagine dia guy? 1 
That Martha was а 
hore. Nothing but a horse. 1 don't un 
derstand people Wally should 
ıd he wants 
o 10 the police.” He drank th 
key. "Charlie, how m 
ny 


Sammy, 1 want 


Walter 


curt believe it 


»ymorc 
kiss the ground I walk on 


10 whis. 


ed 


iy we got 


Shelion looked at his 
book. "We're booked for 
months." 

We're gonna have to raise the rates. 1 
knew it. First of the month aud the rates 
are going up." 

The next evening, Waher Slater 
walked into the lobby of the Madison. 
Shelton was expecting him. Mr. Slater 
looked around as though he expected 10 
see his wife. There was a tired look on 


ippoinment 


almost. three 


his face. 
"Em sorry,” Shelton said, "but there's 
nothing anyone сап do." 


Sam Webster came into the lobby. He 
was dressed in a dark suit, There was a 
his bunonhole. He 
r. He was 


white carnation in 


was smoking a huge c 


swinging a walking stick with a solid 

silver head. “Hows everything going. 

Charlie. baby?" Sam hadn't noticed 
Slate) 


Walte 


c." Shelton said. “Mr. and Mrs. 
Cooper just checked in 

“Eddie Cooper we shoulda charged 
double, That wile of his Susie. I know 
he'd pay a good ten grand to get rid of 
that pig 

Then Sam noticed Walter Slater. He 
slapped him hard on the back. "Wally, I 
tell you what, Pm taking. you out with 
me tonight. Гуе gor two blondes. They re 
icrobats, “They make you forget old 
Martha," 

"Sammy, D don't want no blonde acro- 
bats 1 Martha." He was crying. 
Fears streaked his pale checks. 

‚ Wally, I 
been patient with you. Now, 1 (ell v 


want 


Let me tell you somethii 


what You go to the police, go ahead. 
You're in this 


nothing you c: 


s much as we are. There's 
` Sam Web 
ır. A cloud 
¢ engulfed Walter Slater's 
Wally 


ош of you. Га 


ı do, any 


ster pulled hard on his c 


ob gray sm. 
face, “I 


any more troub 


tell you what. old boy. 


gonna 
hit you over the head d the 
night in 312. That way 
up with Martha 
One more word. that’s all. just one more 
word and you've had it. PH lock you in 
the room. So. 1 blow a couple grand. I'm 
tired of seeing your crying face. Now, go 
say something.” 
looked at Sam 


ul you spe 


ight end 


vou n 


and you might not 


ahead 


Slater Webster in 


disbelief. He shook his head as though 
he were tying to remember something 
He walked out of the hotel 

Well, Charlie, old boy, how did 1 
handle that? 

You didnt mean it, did you, Mr 
Webster 

Didn't mean what? 

About locking Mr. Slater in 312: 

Hell, ves, 1 meant. it! You think Fm 
gonna let i the best thing a 


creep rui 


guy ever had? Fd just as soon step on 
him, Who needs that kind. Ў 

Shelton and Webster 
sprin 
diem difficul 


trouble? 
ot through the 


ind summer without any 


more 
s. Shelton had never real 


ized there wei 


^ so many people willing 
10 pay so much money to have certain 
associates or dear ones disappear. Shel 
ton had no idea how much money he 
һай in the sale. Sam Webster was living 


like a king. He even bought a Rolls 
Royce complete with ehaulleur, and. he 


was wearing flowers in his lapel every 
day. His name was in all the gossip 
columns, always mentioned along with 
some young adres or showgirl 

h was сапу fall, a clear September 
night, when Ihe unpredictable hap 
pened, Shelton was drinking collee our 
of his green Thermos when Sam Web 
ster walked imo the lobby. He was 
g clothes û flower in 
his lapel; and although he was carrying 


dressed in ever 


half full boule of champagne, Shelton 
had never seen Sam Webster look so 
sober. “Charlie.” he said. “I can't believe 


ino bpjus can't believe it,” 

What happened, Mr. Webster?" 
Charlie said, sipping at his hot collec 
and beginning 10 feel nervous for some 
reason. 

1 was at the Grove 
with the You 
blondes. A new show opened and | don't 
like t miss an opening. Well, we were 
sitting there in the first yow enjoying the 
show. | was giving the chorus a thorough 
check—vou know. in cec 
anything cexiraspecial and I see her 
dancing in the line. 

See who dancing im the line, Mr. 
Webster?” 

“Hilda! My 
Webster was 


Theater tonight 


acrobats know, the Iwo 


there was 


Hild. 


shoutit 


that’s. who" 
“Just like she 


looked thirty years ago! 
Mr. Webster. th: de." 
"Nor possible! How can you say апу 
been 


^ not pos 


s not possible after the crazy things 


ing on around here? You telling 
that he 
n'i never gonna forget that 


Sam Webster doesn't know his 


own wile? 1 


figure. Not the way it was thirty years 
What do you think P married. her 
fo? Even the mole was there, right 


above her left knee. The same mole, in 
the same place, Charlie. it 
looking just like she did when I manied 
her. Don't you sec? Hilda always wanted 
to be a dancer. She 


could've had a great career if she hadn't 


was Hilda. 


always said she 


married me. That's what happened. We 
thought we were so smart. Those people 
that been disappearing from $12—don't 
you see. Charlie? Whatever they always 
dreamed about being in Пе Лаг the 
аму (hey end up! АП Hilda ever talked. 
about when we were first married was 


being a dancer. And now she's on her 
way, shes in die chorus line at the 
Grove Theater.” 


“You're sure it was Hilda, Mr. 


Webster? 


ist like I'm standing here, 


finished. his ch: 
се began to beam 
eyes c He looked as if 
might begin to jump up and down. 
Charlie. I've got it. Jesus Christ, I'm 
surprised I didn't think of it sooner 
What the hell is the matter. with me? 
Ive got it, C d 
“Got wh: 
Saturdays hero, that’s what. Don't 
you see, I've always wanted to be a foot- 
ball hero. I can hear the roar of the 
cond now. Those sunny fall afternoons 
and Sammy Webster, wiple-threat back 
lor Nowe Dame, running wild on the 
gridiron.” 
“I don't under па. Mr. Webster" 
“Don't understand! Charlie, all my life 
Гуе wanted to play football. When 1 was 
a kid, that’s all Í ever thought. about 
Only trouble was Í couldn't play a lick. 1 
used to sit in the stands and suller. Bu 
now, Charlie, old boy, 1 can do it. I'm 
going to college. Notre Dame. I won't 
ake all-Americu my sophomore year, 
nother sensational sophomore back, 
thats all. But my junior year, watch out! 
FIL be the talk of the country, No one is 
gonna stop Sammy Webster. Can't you 
see me fading back to throw one of my 
long touchdown bombs. the crowd going 
crazy. and the girls, Charlie, the girls, all 
those coeds. Those are real girls, Charli 
not freak They'll all be scream- 
ing my name. Christ. L ci 
Then about ren good years of pro 


Sam Webster 
Suddenly his 


1pagne. 
His 
he 


е alive. 


hardly wait! 
all 
y Webster bullet pass. Zip- 


ГИ develop 


Zip. Short, Hat and hard, right over the 
line, по опе be able to sop те. And 
once in a while, the Sammy Webster 
trademark, a high, solt one, right into the 
end zone, Charlie, goddamn it, 1 can" 
wait.” 

"Mr. Webster, you mean you're 
to spend the night in wom 3l: 


charlie, what the hell you think 1 
been talking about? Who has the ro 
reserved for ton 

Shelion looked at his appoinment 
book. "Mr. and Mrs. Greenwald.” 

"You 1 wcll 
him he's git. Tell 
Lim 312 has been closed for alterations. 


Tell him anything. Pm going home aud 
t some sleep ГЇ be back later to 
night” 
Sam Webster returned 10 the Hotel 


Madison shortly before midnight. Shelion 


could tell that he'd had a good sleep. He 
looked fresh and his eyes were clear. He 
was dressed in gray sucks and а solt 
gray sport shirt. There was a 
odor of aftershave lotion about him. 

Well Charlie,” he said. “this is it. 
This is the big night Did you call 
Greenwald?” 

Yes, sii. 1 moved him back a night.” 

‘Good. Pm gonna miss you, Charlie, 
Em gonna miss you.” 

I'm gonna miss you, Mr. Webster.” 

Shelton got two paper cups and re 


moved the whiskey boule from beneath 
the desk, “Should we have one last 
farewell drink, Mr. Webster? 

You go ahead, Charlie. Т cut. I'm in 


taining, you know. No « 


is allowed to drink." 


on the squad 


Shelton poured. some whiskey a 
cup. Sam Webster had his eyes on the 
clock. "Well, Charlie. its midnight 
straight up. 1 don't want to be late. It's 


all yours now, Charlie.” 


He pur out his hand. The (wo men 


stood there shaking hands. “Thanks. Mr 

Webster. I can hardly believe и” 
“Goodbye. and don't forget to read 

the sports pages” Sam Webster. said as 


he walked into the elevator. Shel 
watched the elevator doors slide closed. 
The elevator started up 
soodbye. Mr. Webster.” 
to the cmpty lobby. 

Sam Webster got out on the third floor 
He walked down the dim corridor to 
room 312. He turned the key in the lock 
1 went into the dark wom, He layon 

bed. He waited. Occasionally. he 
the luminous dial on his watch. 
crowds. ol 


She 


on siid 


the 
looked a 


scream 


tball. coeds. 
people were all busy in his head. 
Suddenly, there was a blinding light 
and the loud blare of music. He was up 
ight and he could feel his arms and legs 
moving. Finally, he could make out 
faces through а white glare of light. His 
arms and less were still moving violent 
ly. There were attractive young men and 
were all 


women all around. him. They 
dancing. He looked down at his feer. His 
young. handsome legs were keeping time 


He saw it all clearly. They 
were dancers. They were all dancing. 
Sam Webster was dancing in the show 
at the Grove Theater 


to the music 


“Frankly, madam, I find it beneath my 
dignity to discuss safety. 


145 


PLAYBOY 


146 


PLAYBOY FORUM 


for creating a climate of opinion in 
which such proposals cam be seriously 
entertained. Before Hefner came on the 
scene, the bluenoses and pu 
entirely to their shrillness 
bullying teties—ellecti 
opposition. Now 

mon 
lizing that they are the majority 
are telling the sickniks, “Get off our 
backs." Lam sure it is these voices, com- 
ing in louder and clearer all the time, 
that inspired the Presidents Commission 
to say in public what all sane lawyers 
and judges have been saying in private 
for years. 


their 
lv silenced all 
, people of or- 


howev 


sense 


Donald Wolf 
Chicago, Illinois 


SODOMY FACTORIES 

1 must reply to Joh 
(The Playboy Forum, M 
the charge made in an 


Е. Okel's letter 
He denies 
r Forum 


letter that homosexual activities are 
engaged in by wards of the Youth Author- 
ity in California. The cartier Icuer— 


ue of the Pres 
ton School of Industry—had more of the 
ring of truth, 


from an anonymous inn 


(continued from page 38) 


1 am broadminded. but what I saw in 
the five years І was a guard at the Cor- 
ional Training Fa 


institutions for adolescents 


grounds for homosexu 


у point in their 

evelopment. Mr. Okel is either ob- 
livious of his surroundings or has been 
institutionalized. 


E 


Hector R. Robles 
Tucson, Arizona 


1 am writing to endorse recent Playboy 
Forum letters pointing out the high 
incidence of homosexuality in our prison 
system. The official who wiote to deny 
these accusations (The Playboy Forum, 
May) was either fooling himself or trying 
to lool the rest of us. 

І give vou three incidents from my 
last sojourn in the "joint 

I watched as an I8-ycarokl boy, a 
first offender, was placed in the same cell 
with a lifetermer, a confirmed homo- 
sexual who had greased the palm of the 

favor, Result? Brutally 
forced sodomy, after a long fight that the 
ards “didn't hear." 


turukey for il 


“Sometimes 1 wonder about this neighborhood— 
us being the rich folks in the 
big house at the top of the hill and all.” 


I saw another convict force a younger 
man 10 perform oral sex for him, at the 
point of a crudely fashioned knife. 

I heard an official tell a rebellious. 
troublesome young convict: “Why don't 
you find a fag, settle down and do your 
time peacefully? 

As indicated in a report on crime by 
K mission, prison experience 
creases the chance that 
will break the | i 
^s sex life is limited to sadism 
period of years, can 
Americ lom really expect him 
to be more "normal" afier he finally 
gets his release than when he was first 
arrested? 


unmista 
ollender 
When a ma 
and sodomy for 


offic 


(Name withheld by request) 
Atlanta, Georgia 


FRIGIDITY AND IMPOTENCE 

Dr. Davison, who climinated a pa- 
tients sadistic fantasy with the aid of 
your Playmate of the Month feature 
(The Playboy Forum, April), is not the 
only psychiatrist using “PrAYñov thera- 
py.” My husband and 1 consulted a 
psychiatric marriage counselor because 
of the partial impotence of my husband. 
and the advice given to us was thi 
should both have a few drinks D 
making Jove and my husband should 
begin reading rrvnov. 


am writing, however, 
the men who have com 
cent 


eve me, boys, 


ser 


ined ii ues about their frigid 
wives. Bel is just as fro 
ing to be a sexually normal won 
ad have a nearimpotent husband. 1 
have lived with this problem for ten 
years, and all I have gained from it is 
insight. 

AS a typical experience 
band’s childhood, when he wa 
old, his parents c 


my hus 
five years 
aght him engaged in 


mutual anatomical explorations with the 
Jule girl next door and he was beaten 
black and blue. (Good Christian p: 

As a result, he always uses (wo 
towels after a bath—one is reserved for 
his "horrible" aud “sinful” genital a 


tely thrown into the 
dry basket before it can cont 


and is immedi 


the rest of us (or 
self). Naturally, 
told by his father 
enses insanity 

Don't laugh at this mun. For years he 
has struggled heroically t0 became 
husband to me, and 1 feel no contempt 
for him—only for his parents. 

Tsay to every man with a frigid wife: 
You have a hard lot, but your wife has a 
rough lile also. If vou knew all the de- 
tils of her childhood and her 
parents stifled her sexuality, your heart 
would break with pity. 

And I say to Hugh Hefner 
vrAYBOY: Keep up the good work. 

(Name withheld by request) 
Salt Lake City, Utah 


iy other part of hi 


a adolescent һе w: 
that ion 


astu 


real 


how 


and 


THE TABOO CURTAIN 

Most people have heard of the Tron 
Curtain, many have heard of the Bamboo 
Curtain, but only a few are consciously 
aware of the Taboo Curt 

The Taboo Сипа 
ther by law nor by m 
subtle 
iron hand in the velvet glov 
beneath the rose. It is the sam › 
when Socrates and Jesus came up 
against it. It is the cte 
pioneer. 

Sale bel 
Curtain 
popular 


tained nei- 
coercion. It is 


iiw 


thought 
discovers that his friends desert him: 
that he is sneered at and boycotted: that 
he has Jost his means of livelihood; that 
the news media deny him the right of 
expressing his honest thought—or even 
the right to defend himself against his 
slanderers, The rule of the Taboo. Cur 
tain—the rule ol society—is absolute: 
The individual must claim allegiance w 
orthodoxy and must suppress recalcitrant 
opinions. If he fails to discipline himself 
he will be disciplined. 


MEDICAL STUDENT'S PRAISE 

As a medical student, 1 find 
Playboy Philosophy highly valuable. I 
have learned to recognize the psycholog 
ieil bases of many supposedly "medic: 
ul уо 
I confusion of our 


The 


less discussion of 
time sheds 
5s. 1 sincerely be: 
lieve that you have assisted in the de 
velopment of my professional ability 10 
treat psyehomedical cond 


ions. 


THE PHALLIC FALLACY 
In a Playboy 
wrote, the size of the w 


recent 


Advisor, 


you 
id that 
gie 
best de- 


Us 


puts the rabbit in the hat, is the 
of the performer." 1 
Tense of the small penis I К 
and to bolster your defense, you seek 
support in the Masters and Johnson book 
Human Sexual Response, 

In France, during World War One, an 
Army doctor with three eager and carc- 
fully chosen assistants, includin 
started the search for an unbiased. an- 
swer to the question: Is the large penis 
more elfcerive than the small one? In the 
doctors among the 19 
» assortm 


is th 


ave ever he 


I us 


nt of sizes as 
пу group. Our experi 
1016 to 1 


we had a 


ments contin 
cooperating three continents 
and of at least H nat ies. 

At the end of the first у 
work, solely with you 
were intondu 


r of our 
rls. the results 


ve. The preferences of the 


subjects were divided into three almost 
equal groups: Small, Lage, Undecided. 
It is with the mature women between 


ıl 50, mothers of one to several 
з, that we struck pay dirt. In over 


younger women, we 


woman in favor of the small penis, One 
F bed the small penis as 
ia groping in darkness 
of something to Bean a 
I must add (har the doctor 
to publish our finds 
paper He was diss у 
consequences to the thriving practice he 
was building up in a small Eastern city. 
Neal P. Anthony 
Fort. Lauderdale, Florida 
You huve brought your doctor friend's 


nch lady dese 


n search 


"research" on penile size to light at an 
appropriate time—just after the publica- 
tion of Professor Steven Marcus “The 
Other Victorians.” Subtitled “A Study of 
Sexuality and Pornography in Mid-I9th 
Century England,” this book includes a 
perceptive analysts of how the belief in 


sexual myths transforms them into reality 
in the minds of the believers. Professor 
Marcus devotes the greater part of his 
analysis lo the persistent legend that 
females ejaculate when they experience 
orgasm. Discussing a comment made by 
the anonymous of “Му Secret 
Life" a 19th Century sexual antobiog 
raphy. Marcus says: 


He believes that women ejacu- 
late. This is one of the most widely 
cherished of male fantasies, and its 
function is self-evident. How the 
author acquired this belief we do 
not learn; but he has it as a young 
man, and when, at the end of his 
work, after he has had sexual inter- 
course with well over a thousand 
women, we learn that he still be- 
licves il, we are justified in calling 
into question not only the character 
of his experience but the character 
of experience itself, seeing how 


author 


147 


PLAYBOY 


148 


deeply preconditioned it can be by 
our needs, by what we want it to 
be. Far not only does he believe in 
female ejaculation, he also expe- 


riences it, and on countless occasions 
routinely describes to himself and 
us what it is like to experience, to 
feel, the seminal discharge of a 
woman while she is having an or- 
милт. There is still a further step 
of complication, for in addition to 
his—and men's—belief the 
women themselves also believed that 
they ejaculated, experienced this 
fact,” and described it to and dis- 
cused tt with him. 


other 


Professor Marcus sors on То apply his 
analysts to your own cherished myth— 
that a large penis provides mare pleasure 
to the female than a small one. Discus- 
ing s passage in “Му Seeret Life" in 
which the anonymous author. expresses 
fear that his penis is too small, Marcus 
comments: 


This 
among men as their anxiety about 


interest is as universal 


castration, and it is nol to be 


allayed by experience. He knows 
from experience that most women 
are quite indiljerent to the size of a 
man's penis and that their percep- 
tion of this organ is very often in- 
distinct and imprecise (whether this 
common failure of perception arises 
from indifference or from some spe- 
cific inhibition is not clear). 


There ате two implications in your 
letter, one of them being that the older 
women were more experienced sexually 
than the young girls and therefore kne: 
about the relation between penile 
and sexual satisfaction. T his is belied 
by Di. Marcus! analysts, which shows 
thal increasing experience tends to re- 
inforce rather than diminish belief in 
sexual myths. Thus, in the case of the 
older women interviewed by your fricud, 
their additional age and experience un- 
doubtedly gave them mare time in which 
to became acquainted with the fallacious 
with 


mo 


and 


folklore mre experience 
which to “confirm” it. 
The second implication is that the 


older women had larger vaginas, due to 


childbirth (which may be correct), and 
therefore needed larger penises for sexual 
satisfaction. This is not covrect. Masters 
and Johnson, whose “Human Sexual 
Response” reflects the first truly scientie 
study of sex under laboratory conditions. 


and whose conclusions we find move au 
thovitative friend's “held 
study.” point out in their section оп 
“Vaginal Fallacies” that a large penis 
does nat provide any more satisfaction to 
а woman with an enlaza 
does a normal or a small penis 

We think the conclusions in “Human 
Sexual Response" about penile size. in 
view of the pertinacity of the myths sur 
rounding this subject, ате also worth 
repeating, Masters and Johnson report 
that “The concept that the larger the 
penis the more effective the male as a 
partner in coilal connection” is a "phal- 
lic fallacy.” They report further that the 
penis that appears “small” in its flaccid 
sale grows proportionately larger dwing 
erection than the “large” flaccid penis. vo 
that in the majority of cases, they are 
nearly equal in length after entering the 
vagina. Moreover, although the vagina 
expands during early excitation, Masters 
and Johnson report. that it contracts 
smugly around (he penis during the “ pla- 
lean” phase between initial excitement 
and orgasm. These “involuntary accom. 
modative reactions of the vagina” are 
hat make intercourse gratifying, 
gaudless of penile size. 

These are the physiological facts: of 
course, the psychological charge a woman 


than your 


d vagina than 


re- 


gets from knowin, 
trated by a large penis can contribute ta 
hey wxnal enjoyment—if she has been 


that she is being pene 


conditioned to acceptance of the myth 

Finally. if you still insist on folklore 
as your arbiter, we refer you to the litera- 
ture of the limerick. One of our favorite 
hve-liners explains, more pithily than 
any vientifie tome, that while size may 


dazzle а lady's eyes, it takes technique lo 
win her heart: 
There was a young man named 


MeNamiter 
With a tool of prodigious diameter. 
But il wasn't the size 
Gave Une girls a surprise, 
‘Twas his vhythm—iambie pentam- 
eter. 


“Ha, ha, the joke's on us, Mr. Simpkins— 
that was the maid—not my husband!” 


“The Playboy Forum" offers the oppor 
tumity of an extended dialog bet 
readers and editors of this publication 
on subjects and issues raised in Hugh 
M. Hefner's continuing editorial series, 
The Playboy Philosophy.” Four booklet 
reprints of “The Playboy Philosophy,” 
including installments 1-7, 8-12, 13— 
and 19-22, ате available al 50€ per bool: 
let. Address all correspondence on both 
"Philosophy" and “Forum” to: The 
Playboy Forum, Playboy Building, 919 N. 
Michigan Ave., Chicago, Hlinois 60611. 


SCIENCE MARCHES ON (continued from page 71) 


not known who discovered fire or how 
he did it, but it is generally assumed 
that his first word on making the di 
covery was not "Eureka!" but “Ouch!” 
The discovery of fire led to many im- 
fire alarms, fire 


provements, such as 
sales and fire insur: k also bı 
about central heating, which 
first. accomplished by setting fire 10 
the center of the house and letting it 
spread Before houses were 
heated, people went to bed to get warm, 
which was more fun than sitting around 
talking. 

Shortly alter the discovery of fire 
came the discovery of the wheel, which 
was essential to the fire engine. The first 
wheel was probably a round stone with a 
hole the center. When a prehistoric 
inventor took two of these stones and put 
one in front of the other and asked a 
friend what this reminded him of, the 
friend thought a moment and then said, 
“A bicycle. 
all to put four such stones together 
build the first wagon. It was, howeve 
not a station wagon but a stationary 
wagon, since it was too heavy to move. 
In time, with wheels of lighter construc- 
n, vehicles of various kinds took to the 
road and there were the crude begin- 
nings of a iraffic problem. With invention 
of the back seat, there was a dramatic 
rise in population. 

One of the most famous of early scien- 
lists Archimedes, A Greck mathe- 
matician, he discovered the laws of the 
lever and boasted, “Give me a place to 
stand on and I will move the carth!” 
Unable to find such a place, he had (o 
content himself with less spectacular but 
no les enjoyable pastimes, such as the 
Archimedean screw. 

One day when Archimedes was in the 
public bath, he noticed that the more his 
body was immersed, the more water ran 
over the sides. He got others to do the 
same thing. both men and women, to be 
sure this was no fluke; and every time a 
young woman gradually lowered herself 
into the bath and the water spilled over, 
he got more excited. People were grow- 
ing tired of getting in and out, and the 
floor was a mess, but Archimedes had 
discovered that à body in water displaces 
an amount of water equal to its own 
weight. Shortly thereafter, he wrote a 
w entitled On Floating Bodies, which 
would have sold better had there been 
lustrations. 

Another great scientist of the 
world was Ptolemy, who insisted that 
the earth wa the center of the uni 


nce, 


outward, 


After this, it was no trick at 
1 


neient 


verse and was immovable. If the earth 
moved, he argued quite logically, things 
would fall off. Even the air, which 
was lighter, would be left behind. Hi 


Ptolemaic system was accepted for centu- 
ries, and there are those of us who still 


about 


prefer it to the newfangled id 
the universe. 

Ptolemy also distinguished himself as 
a geographer. His ciphtvolume work 
contained maps of all the known parts of 
the world and was the standard textbook 
of geography until Columbus and other 
navigators, who went out and had a look, 
proved Ptolemy had almost. everything 
wrong. It was Ptolemy's good fortune, as 
both tronomer and а geographer, to 
die before his errors were discovered. 

During the Middle Ages, science was 
low point. Knights were so busy 
galloping around, looking for damsels to 
distress, that they had no time for con- 
trolled experiments. Serfs were so busy 
prostrating themselves before their mas- 
ters that most of them had prostrate 
trouble. The only libraries that had not 
been burned were those in monasteries, 
where you had to agree to spend your 
life before you were issued a library 
card. 

In 1101 д.р. with the establishment of 
the University of Paris, Paris became a 


at 


at of learning, though there were those 
who sat or lay around doing other 
things. Out of consideration for those 
who came from other countries, lectures 
were given in Latin instead of French. 
Students who had barely slid through 
elementary Latin were puzzled by some of 
the nuances of lectures on metaphysics. 
m Robert Grosseteste, whose 
got a few titters and ad- 
ances from the girls, the great- 
scientist of the Middle Ages w: 
Bacon was so far ahead of 
scientific ideas that he 
agician. He insisted that 
ad, 
s by pointing out errors 
n the calendar. However, he was im- 
prisoned without books or instruments, 
frustrating experience for a scientist. 
Since this was in Paris, it would have 
been frustrating enough even for the 
ordinary tourist. 

Chemistry took an interesting turn in 
the Middle Ages, when it was in the 
hands of the alchemists. The alchemists 
were mostly concerned with only two 


est 
Roger Bacon 


his timc in hi 
was thought a m 
һе wasn’t 
d explained u 


аһ others меге behind, 


“Where were the miniskirts when I needed them?” 


149 


PLAYBOY 


150 


“That's not the only difference.” 


things: (1) turning base metals into gold 
nd (2) discovering a way of living for- 
ever. The two went together, because it 
was going to take plenty of money 10 
so many years alter 65, with no Social 


Security or Medicare. 
Great strides were made by science 


е. First there was 


during the Renaissa 
Copernicus, who discovered that the 

h rotates around the sun. Having no 
telescope, he figured. this out by looking 
through slits the walls of his home. 
What his neighbors saw by looking 
through these same slits, we can only 
conjecture. 

Then there was Galileo, also known as 
Galileo Galilei by those who were 
uncertain and trying to get it right. 
leo was interested. in falling bodies, and 
hung around under towers and tall 
buildings, hoping. While he was not the 
inventor of the telescope, he was the first 
to make practical use of it, looking 
through ic at the moon, the stars and 
people who had he could sec 
what they were doing. He daimed not to 
be а Peeping Tom, because he was only 
making scientific experiments, but wom- 
en were well advised to pull down their 
shades before starting to undress, unless 
they were exhibitionists. Galileo himself 
was well clothed, refusing to look at 
things with a naked eye. 

Galileo's most famous experiment was 
his dropping a 100-pound and a one. 
pound weight from the Tower of Pisa. 
This proved that a leaning tower is good 


for something, after all. Galileo was 
placed under house arrest, not becan 
one of his weights had hit a pedestrian 
on the head but because some of his 
ideas were so revolutionary. For in- 
tance, he maintained that anything that 
not stationary is in motion. And he 
claimed to see spots on the sun, when 
obviously he hadn't cleaned his glasses, 
In the 17th Genany there was Isaac 
Newton, who made some important dis- 
coveries after being hit on the head by 


an apple. Galileo had used a iclescope 
10 look through, but Newton built a 
reflect 


ng telescope to do his serious 
for him. One of Newton's theo- 


s that all particles of matter in the 
с exert an attraction on опе an- 
What he did not realize is that 


this is especially true in the case of male 
and female particles Though Newton, a 
bachelor, never knew it, he was very 
dose to the discovery of sex. 

A significam application of science 
саше in the 18th Century, when James 
Watt developed the ste 


is said to have got the 


g the steam come out of his mother's 
teakettle. The whistle it made reminded 
him of the whistle on a tra nd once 
he had this in mind, he wouldn't rest 
until he had perfected the steam engine. 
The unit of power, the watt, is named 
alter Watt, though some think it should 
have been named after Joseph Black, his 
predecessor. The next time you replace a 
burned-out 60-watt bulb, which might 


have been a 60-black bulb, you might 
think of this. 

It was about this time that scient 
made advances in electricity. By flying 
kite, Benjamin Franklin proved that 
lightning was clectricity and not some- 
thing else, such as an angry god. People 
laughed wh w Franklin, a 
grown m the midst of 
а 


s 


fate of scient 
hed at. Fortunately, F 
ıd the statement of а later scientist 
10 the effect that “all bodies are capable 
of electrification,” a discovery that was 
to be a boon to capital punishment. 

In the carly 19th Century, Sir Hum- 
phry Davy for the first time isolated the 
chemical elements sodium and potas- 
sium, which for some reason was desira- 
ble. More obviously important was his 
coining the name chlorine for what had 
previously been called “dephlogisticated 
spirit of salt.” This was almost as appro- 
priate as calling the miner’s safety lamp 
he invented the Davy lamp. 

Davy was and continues to be a con- 
twoversial figure. There are two schools 
of thought, one insisting on spelling his 
first name Humphrey and the other just 
as insistent (hat it should be spelled 
Humphry. Davy, who married a wealthy 
woman and spent his last years traveling 
in Italy, the Tyrol and Switzerland, 
refused to be drawn into the controversy. 

Davy's assistant and successor was 
Michael Faraday. By running electric 
currents through. all sorts of things, he 
developed the galvanometer, a device to 


s 


measure the quantity of electricity. 
When he came out with bis ballistic 
galvanometer, many thought he had 


gone a little too far. Indeed, some, when 
they saw Faraday approaching with hi 
gadget in hand, took to their heels. As 
if this were not enough, Faraday c 


imed 


to have discovered sell 
many that dd 
on for centuries 

Davy often said that his greatest. dis- 
covery was Faraday, and Faraday seems 
not to have taken offense. 
asing with some dilliculty over such 
mes as Kirchhoff, Hittorf, Bolumann 
d Hasenóhrl, we come to Einstein, 
whose theory of relativity 1 wouldn't 
understand even if I explained it to you. 
More recently there have been scienti 
such as Fleming, the discoverer of ре 
cillin, and Salk, the discoverer of the fact 
that some people would rather have polio 
than stand in line to get a shot. 

Modern science has given us such 
wonders as television, space rockets, 
hydrogen bombs, Im, 24hour deo- 
dorants and “the pill.” 

Where would we De today without 
science? Where will we be tomorow 


ith it? 
[У] 


duction, though 
1 been going 


sisted 


UNDERGROUND PRESS 


the underground and the estab- 


wilted c 


lishment’ legitimate frontier, ihe mimeo- 
graphed magazines supplied the meat 


to the сахех. Leaning heavily toward 
unrevised poetry. sex (especially homo- 
sexuality and fetishism), scatology, mysti 
Gsm and exhibitionism. they printed 
stuli that would turn most Force readers 
bluish green. The legitimate 
never read hem: the 
ever heard of them. 

The 


frontier 


median n 
The 


Realist, 
- ol 1. 


hippic«lippie urba 
Stone's Weekly, Conf 


dential and Mad. Almost from the 
. the Magazine ol Inreverence, 
ioi; al Naiveré, Neuter 


ligence. Egghead 
(Krasner kept changing 1 
mind on the masthead) abounded in 
I style. Krassner demonstrated that 
eracy was not tant 
ness. Phe Realist” commented one New 
York writes е glee, * 
the Village Voice with its fly open 

The 


ount 10 square 


with conside 


gazine had its predecessors, 
of « а sort of eternal political 
underground: Lyle Stuart's ongoi he 
Independent, with sub- 
forever lambasting censorship 
eldes’ In. Fact. 


scribers, 
and the C 


ne 
^ Minority of One: 
other serious, inde 


pres: М. S. 
and ball a 
pend 
anothe 
sheets 


dozen 
t journals of disse 


hall.dozen morc 
made appearances 


the 


around 
Victor Navasky’s Monocle, in 


Fifties continues 10 


issues); a West 


Tate 


the 
publish sporadic specia 
Coast paper called. The Idiot; Aardvark 


(which 


out of CI 
debunk 
Californi 


ago: amd a sell proclaimed 
med Horseshit, published by 
Scum Press.” 

But Krasner, once he shed а dispro- 
portionate anticlericilism, covered the 
total scene, No subject—spouse swap- 
ping, abortion, famous junkies, Walter 
Jenkins, — Stevenson's sassination." 
Lucis wedding night, J.F. K.S “body 
snatchers” or his “irst wife"—was. too 
hor for him. And no опе had given dic 
press as hard a time since Liebling. He 
Way dissident, abstract, topical, personal. 
ologic: hip amd fum 
all at once, He persuaded. you on one 
pase and put you on in the next. He 
relused to. be restricted, he refused. 10 
he predicted, he refused g and, 
most of Ama туйо! 
culation rose from 
ates 
t a quarter of a m 


500 to. 
his 


ssner esti 


readership 
Yet if the 
tic voice. 


iderground had found an 
The Realist no 
ps the times were still 


'onocla was 


Cusp: 
not sullic 


(continued from paz 


that Mailer h few. years 
flier: perhaps the community of hip 
1 not yet so solidified as to sustain a 


real journalism of its own. 

But as the country rounded the corner 
of the Sixties, she seemed to imbibe 
some rejuveniting potion. Suddenly, 


spiritual senility was out and even the 
hucksters were thinking young again. 
With Eisenhower's exit from the inter 


eat leaders—Mao, 
sulle, 
con 
ппу some 30 
a bit to the south, 
del Castro, be- 
came another symbol of the new youth 
On the home front, 
the seruffy underbelly ol the Pepsi gen- 
era let forth. some embarrassing 
growls, Sahl. Bruce, Gregory. Rickles and 
others helped Krassner bury the notion 
that there were still cows too sacred for 
roasting. Beat. a trille weary of the open 
road, setled inte urban coflechouses and 


years their junior: 
а bearded hell raiser 


t wasn't long before 


campus common rooms for marathon 
talk. As rallying places were found, young 
dissidents began to discover one another 


and the concerns that united them. 

Kerouac faded off to Long Island and 
Floria went abroad for a 
time—to Indi astern Europe; otl 
crs of their ranks turned. paunchy with 
success or failure. The old underground 
ol Eisenhower America vielled to a 
series of new coalescent movements, Fe- 
ad preco- 
and 


male са 


wraception—widespr 
Фарм 
dramatically. the pill—did mor 
tualize a moral and sexual revolution 
than had endless libertine talk. The sub- 
urbs scarcely finished clucking aver the 
college sex scandals of the early Sixties 
before the college drug scandals. made 
headlines, No sooner was marijuana 
ubiquitous on large campuses than. psy- 
chedelics mushroomed, and. undergradu- 
ates could get hold of weel sugar 
cubes as easily as pot. Jazz—the cool and 
bitter. background. to beat conversation 
ave way to а frenetic. Funky. exultant 
I. ultimately to a visceral. marriage 
Improvisational com 
dec 
d inhibitioi 
th would not be bought off 
loo 


cous use ol more 


ums 


10 ac 


soui 
ol folk and rock 


munal danci ared 
decorum 

But yo 
with the freedom tw [oi 
and get high. The Berkeley uprising, 
alyzed to distraction in print. reput 
trated that an oi 
niderground could win 


war on 


open 


. bu; 


, deme 


esie support and sha 
tional institurions if not blast th 
10 pieces. 


up con 


More openly now, di 
shot society the finger: militents mobi 
ized lor action. As the old peace move 
Hickered with ictesting 
Kennedy's ostensible triumph 


mains 


nes 


the ate 


enlisted in the cause of civil rights. The 
marches, the sitins, the Mississippi proj 
cat helped undermine the assumpti 
that long-stgnant conditions could. 1 
be changed. As SNC ORE accel 
етмей their camp the South, 
SDS launched community organization 
projects in Roxbury. Newark. the Dis 
trict of Columbia, Oakland, Chicago and 
Cleveland. The poverty progran 
pote ghetto leadership to a с 
sciousness of fraud а 
the t domestic 
escalating Vietnamese war became a 
double ontrage. Rarely had the tranquil 
izing words of the establishment scemed 
dl the growing 
deep 


d deprivation 
vor, the 


face of 


mp: 


its deeds. 


cynicism 
Whether 


wocial or passionately social 
in his vision, the hipster came to resent 
what he regarded as mass cuhures at- 
tempts to trick him in every sphere. Hol- 
den Caulfield, an emblem of sensitive 
youth in the Eisenhower years, expe: 
ed dismay at well-intentioned "pho 
ics" But Holden never realized how 
bus the phonies could become. 
w generation emerged with an ob 
loathing of hypocrisy 
ew youth, a new bohem 
ic humor, a 


sewive wariness, 

Given a 
new iconoc icw sexu 
à new sound, a new turn-on, а new aboli 
onism, a new left, 
aw press was inevitable. 


ty. 


new hope amd a 


new cy 


lites" 
1 


the 
le of polities a 


few of 
w 


while. 


lı used to мее 
sociology altogether, started edita 
The Floating Bear. a semimouthly 
t edited by LeRoi Jones and Diane 
Di Prima, called itsel а newsletter and 
printed some reviews and comment to 
back up its experimental poets. Fd 
Sanders’ Fuck You /A Magazine of the 
{их declared isell dedicated to—among 
other things" pacifism, national defense 
through nonviolent res 
disarmament, mu 
apertural conjugation. а a, world 
federalisi disobedience, орыта = 
tors and submarine boarders, peace сус. 
the gleaming crotch Like of ihe u 


iz. 


ме 


Hiverye. 


he witness of the flaming raqock . 
nystical bands of peace-walk stomper. 
заразы guerrilla ejaculators, the 
Lower East Side mesluganas, vaginal 
zapping. the LSD communarium, God 
through bis, hashish forever, and 


all those groped by J. Edgar Hoover in 


Is of Congress.” 


the silent 


s alo penned occasional edi 
of the тезмә 


used in 


weise parodi 


blishme 


w 


m 
pers. One. urging repeal of marijuan: 
laws, called for “hinge attacks: potins ar 
Governmental. headquarters, public fo 
rums and squawking, poster walks, hemp 
farm disobed In New York: 
а number too large and prestigious ío 
ignore. iüthousand. joint lightup 


es 


ence. 


151 


PLAYBOY 


on the steps of city hall—rorwarp! тз 
15 OPERATION Grass!" Another political 
position paper” began: 


It makes us puke green monkey 
shit to contemplate Johnson's war 
Vietnam. Lyndon Baines is squirt- 
ing the best blood of America into a 
creep scene. Kids are “gook-br 
ng" in Asia without thought, with- 
out reason, without law . . . 


orial concluded with a cil 
for tion of peace by tender 
fornicating lovebodies . . . a group 
screw zapped around the world." (A rel- 
atively new sheet, Gargoyle, has promised 
to print “what Ed Sanders rejects”; and 
back numbers of earlier Sanders editions 
are already premature collector's items, 
going for ten dollars a copy.) 

If some of the mimeo mags oozed ошу 
occasionally into political territory, oth- 
ers planted their tents on that enemy 
ground. Resurgence, one of the farthest 
out, was established as the literary organ 
of the Resurgence Youth Movement (“a 
new chist movement based on the 
world revolution of youth and the birth 
of a new psychedelic Afrasian-American 
Founded in the summer of 1964, 
blatantly, hysterically subversive, Re 
surgence reads like the rantings of a 

phox poetzealot: 


surrealysics : : ра 
neo: :underdogma: : negati 
Resurgence has not yet defined any 
limits. We may be three billion per 
sons, we may be a negative uni- 
verse reaching out across the void. 
<- . Revolution is the tota 


struction and creation 
АП science and art i 
will not submit and we will not 
coexist. 
The m: ns a planet on 


the very brink of apocalypse (the epithet 
"burnbabybui etched here and 
there in its margins; grotesque dragons 
glower over its text). “Logic and meta- 
physics to the torch," it cries. “Tu 
our culture upside down and cut its head 
ol. Go wild. Go naked.” But there is 
some intelligence behind йз mystical, 
Venomous ravings, and to call its authors 
and audience "out of touch” would not 
serve any purpose. Their delusions are 
evident enough from the vantage point 
of the mainstream, But in London, mem- 
bers of the Industrial Workers of the 
World have joined with the Resurgence 
Youth Movement to start а similar maga 
sine for revolution called Heatwave; in 
Amsterdam, anarchist publications are 
issued by Provo; in Brussels, by Revo. 
This fall, RLY, M. began a new bulletin 
called New Man, to feature “regular col- 
umns and reports from the intergalactic 
struggle," which it plans to "build into a 
newspaper to reach tens of thousands of 
young people, students, workers, drop- 


152 outs, all over the world." 


What is the Provotariat? Provos, 
beatniks, pleiners, nozems, teddy 
boys, rockers, blousons noirs, hooli 
gans, mangupi, stiljagi, students, 
artists, misfits, anarchists, ban the 
bombers . . . those who doi 
a career and who lead irregular 
lives "HE PROVOTARIAT 15 A 
SUBVERSIVE ELEMENTS. 
„ . Tr exists in a society based on the 
cult of "getting on." The example 
of millions of elbow-bargers and 
unscrupulous go-getters can only 
serve to anger the Provotariat. We 
live in a monolithic sickly society 
in which the creative individual is 
the exception. Big bosses, capitalists, 
Communists impose on us, tell us 
what we should do, what we should 
consume... . They will make them- 
selves more and more unpopular 
nd the popular conscience will 
ripen for anarchy. .. . THE CRISIS 
WILL COME. 


GROUPING 


The "Provotariat," of course, lives in 
the throes of a sort of lunacy. So alienated 
from the cultural mainstream, so robbed 
of influence, the woolliest imagine them- 
selves preparing the barricades for mas- 
sive hostilities. But even those less 
trapped by the helpless fantasy of systemi- 


cide continue to believe, in the vaguest 


of terms, that America is destined to 
crumble by virtue of her own malignancy. 
They foresee some contemporary paral- 
lel to the fall of andent Rome—the 
rise of African or Asian nations, perhaps, 
the isolation of the United States in а 
Communist world, 
over followed by popular uprising, an 
evitable erosion of corrupt institutions. 
The apocalyptic delusion takes many 
forms: religious, moral, sociological, in- 


ternational, racial; all help sustain an 
underground that feels itself vilely 
repressed. Until two years ago, no news- 


ist 


paper had ever expressed such fr 
tions, or such dr 

By avoiding the peculiar preoccupa 
tions of the true underground, The Vil- 
lage Voice's circulation rose from 20,000 
to 75,000 in the past three. years—with 
one quarter of its papers sold outside the 
metropolita a. When the Foie, not 
even bar mitzvahed yet, dumps on 
Bobby Kennedy, his office phones up the 
next day. It is still decidedly a com 
broiled in 
mishes [or reform Democrats, schools, 


icwspaper—e local 


E 


zoning laws but it judged early in the 
game that Greenwich Village was not a 
community like any other. 


Dilleted, in remarkably dose 
much of the vanguard of Ameri Tash- 
ion, art, politics and theater and was, 
therefore, worthy of representation to 
the world “out there.” Establishme: 
Papers sent reporters on forays inte 
the world of the Village, of course, but 
they came as aliens, ogling the natives, 


scooping titillating items that might 
amuse the uptown folks and give them. 
something to duck about over their 
breakfast coffee. Voice reporters lived 
their beats; covering civil rights, off- 
Broadway, the Pop scene or a neighbor- 


hood campaign, they wrote, essentially, 
bout themselves and about 
friends. When they broadened 


sights, they rended—where The Nation, 


n 
was happening. And so 
the Voice, bolstered by almost weekly 

ins in advertising, shows signs of be- 
sur- 


gency in politis and the arts. 
The Voice opened up the ter 
The papers that moved in to occupy it 


огу. 


1e, in one sense, children of the radical 
mimeo sheets and, in another, childre 
of the Voice. Some were promising, some 
were mentally defective. But all reacted 
against the conservatism of their Voice 
arent; they swore at birth enmity to 
compromise. 

Modeled quite frankly after the Voice, 
the Los Angeles Free Press was the first 
organ of the new underground. The idea 
for the paper, and an ini 
of 515, came from Ап Ku 
year-old tooland-die n 
lyn. When Kunkin asked permis 
promote plans for a liberal-bohemian 
weekly at the 1964 Renaissance Plea 
ure Faire, a friend suggested he put out 
а dummy issue for the Faire. and in 
two frenetic weeks he collected enough 
money and material for а 5000-editi 
eight-page tabloid. Dressed as Robi 
Hoods and 15th Century peasant girls, 
Kunkin and a merry band of college stu- 
dents gave their papers away as wander 
peddlers, attracted a lot of sympathy 
and a little financial support and, on а 
fairly hand-tomouth basis, built the 
Free Press ua paid circulation of 50,000 
in three years. 

In New York, Walter Bowart, a paint- 
cr, and Alan Kaman founded the 
East Village Other, а l6-page tabloid 
that made the Voice read like The Wall 
Street Journal. They were quickly joined 
by John Wilcock, who'd done a weekly 
Voice column f arly 11 years. 

run 


their paper 


Wilcock says. “I'd 


c Voice would sit 
nd then promote 

ble. I 
eight 


discover new things, 
on them for a 
them when they bec 


while 


me fashior 
was on to hallucinogens seven o 
years ago. They discouraged my w 
about Мет Ellis, Lenny Bruce and n 
ist camps. You know where they adver- 

he New York Times Book Review. 
r where they stand. Their aver- 
age reader is 30-odd years old. He's not 
interested in changing society. FVO'S 
average reader is ten years younger. We 
have по taboos. We'll publish аву 
people write or draw.” EVO reacts to the 


“He got the idea on his last visit to the Slates.” 


relative stodginess of the Voice much 
the Voice began in reaction 10 а garde 
club sewing 
lager, which hi 
Treasured Tradi 
fommunity” with 
towncrier Пахор since carly in 1933. 
"We're no community paper,” insists 
Katzman, now managing editor of EVO. wor 
“We're a worldwide movement for ап, seems t 


grip on what's happening. they're going — biotics, astrology. aphrodisiacs, eleciric- 
1o lose a lot of these people to us. charge machines, theocracia, existential 
Че weekly called Fi “Us does not refer simply 1o EFO psychotherapy and political. independ- 
1 been “Reflecting the itself but to a whole new spectrum ol сисе (secession. emigration) for the under 
Jerground newspapers. united in thelr ground. The editors, io be sure. secr 
call “the new at the charge that their paper is “far 
ion. at bot “We're creative artists," Wilcock 
an extension of the per “We represent our milieu, people 
tor and cronies. EFO ng the boundaries—and explor 
reflect the vision of second. beyond them. We're not interested 
politic. generation hip. sill believing im the shocking anyone. just in reaching the 
on under Good and True and Real. but no longer guys who don't think automatically, who 
lly powerful. with the weight surprised at new instances of corruption. feel like us, dig us. We give them a forum 
of numbers as well as of ideas- reacting — BO is most aware of am international and ammunition.” Possibly because EVO 
to what they aren't getting [rom the brotherhood of dissent. and underscores is confident and i 
press. They're not getting interpretation whip with subterrane ence, its tone is more clipped th. 
they aren't even getting the facis. "Ken- London, Bulgaria, Japan, India hysterical. 
nedy was killed by a сталу man, they're — elsewhere: it prints “dirtier” cartoons Umil quite recently, the West Coast 
told. ‘Only crazy people kill Presidents ol and photo montages; and. while some of papers had an even more frantic sound, 
the United States. No one has ing its colleagues are still talking Zen, EFO the scrulhly wholesome quality of a single 
If the media don't get is into witeheraft, cannibalism, maao. generations remove from the middle 
class, (A front-page lead im the Free 
Press veters 10 ud and 
Dr. Kinsey”: nutty litue n ia and 
subscription plugs, reminiscent of Mad, 
fill out short columns) Whereas РОЗ 
orientation is decidedly psychedelic, the 
Free Press is wban political, in the Voice 
nadition. (lis layout. ako. is borrowed 
directly from the Voice.) Where EVO 
tends 10 cop out on Manhattan problems, 
the Free Press is thick in the L.A. fray, 
especially on race (Kunkin ran. an ex- 
tended series on Watts. after the riots) 
ad poverty. The Free Press has been 
joined recently by three more L.A. pa- 
pers: The Provo, a little tabloid: The 
Oracle of Southern California: and. 
the lullsize. Free Presslike Los Angeles 
Underground. 

Max Scherr, a öl-yearold New Leftist 
who, before founding the Berkeley Barb, 
ran а local bar called  Steppenwolfe, 
takes a more global slant than Kunkin 
Scherr tends to wap himself in the 
plicitics of radical rhetoric and, mi 


PLAYBOY 


peace. civil rights. morality 
There's a new popu 
economic 


ing 
up the Big Issues into a sexintegratior 
peacehigh bundle, commits the fatal © 
ror of unintentional hu ‘The Barb u 
per (backing, for instance 
пасе to Fight Exclusion of 
als from 
but its tenor is almost 
is obviously more 
pickers than 
Duri 


I 


а "cause" p 
the Com 
Homosesxi 


the Armed 


* 
the Negro ghet 
g the school year an anti 
міс weekly called. The Paper 
has been coming out of Michigan St 
despite “harassment” 

president and un 
ion (who've had their 
hands otherwise full, expl 
volvement in MSU's V 
ea). Michael Kindin: 
Merit Scholar who fou 
rallied severa 
on its behalf. 

And with no credential beyond а high 
school diploma, a 19-year-old refuge: 
from the Free Press named Harvey 
154 Ovshinsky returned to his home tov 


ded The Paper, 
full-scale campus protests 


Detroit, last year to start his own “organ 
for hippies, liberals and anarchists.” The 
Fifth Estat ; isn’t much more than 
hick cut te job of pilfered ma- 
terial: the evileye motif, Tim Leary's 
column from EVO, cartoons and “un- 
classifieds” from the Free Press, etc. The 
Fifth Estate is one of the shortest, most 
derivative and least professional-looking 
of the papers, replete with unreadable 
gray type, spelling mistakes and ma 
propisms, One recent issue contained an 
uninspired aris column (Kulchur list plus 
pep talk), endorsement of a local peace 
ndidate, a SNCC press relcase, protest 
st Dow Chemical Company and 
us Christmas stamps, and three 
articles on Bob Dylan. Another covered 
its back page with a mock WANTED poster 
for an undercover narcotics agent, offer- 
ing a reward of “one pound, U. S. grass 
to anyone who can drop 1000 micro- 
grams of LSD into this man's misdirected 
body.” Ovshinsky is devoted to The Fifth 
Estate, however; it is reaching a hercto- 
fore ignored audience and is improving. 

Previously, such frayed-shoestring ven- 
tures scrounged desperately for money 
and copy. The Newspaper in Boston. 
The Journal in Santa Barbara and 
others all tried to hop on the under- 
ground express after. Kunkin's success, 
but each of them failed. 

About a year ago, however, a half- 
dozen such papers formed a loose al- 
liance, the Underground Press Syndicate, 
with grandiose plans. Since then, 20 ad- 
onal papers—weeklies, fortnightlics 
and monthlies—have joined their ranks 
and the syndicate expects to pick up 
others by the end of the year. Some al- 
ready exist—The Kansas Free Press, the 
Lake Shore Gazette in Chicago (aimed, 
actually, at enlightened bourgeoisie) and 
The Fire Island News. A Time-style 
newsmagazine of the underground from 
Manhattan is currently in the works. 
Negotiations with college papers are un- 
der way; and even high school students 
ге beginning to issue unauthorized and 
uncensored extracurricular publications, 
such as Detroit's South Hampton Tius- 
trated Times (known to the student body 
as SHIT). 

‘The Underground Press Syndicate, 
like а jazz combo, offers a framework for 
improvisation. Any member paper (mem- 
bership costs $25 annually) is free to 
pick up features, cartoons, news or what- 
not from any other member paper, with- 
out remuneration, À single national 
agency solicits ads for all of them. All 
revenue goes back into the common fund. 
If and when nonmember papers want 
to run U.P.S. articles, they pay for 
them; that money goes into a fund ear- 
marked for setting up a telex. 
and telephoto wire service between 


San Fi 
New Yor 


sce 


Los Angeles, Chicago, 
London. etc. "That we may 
all together become well informed 
turn inform the public on a larger 
bothers those who would want us 
n ununited,” declares an EVO 
editorial, “Let us then bother everyone: 
irk them, poke them, tickle them, sway 
them üll they understand that what 
bothers us bothers everyone,” 

"This system will make it three times 
as hard for the middle-class press to sup- 
press the things we're talking 
Kauman predicts. The syndicate 
sions а growing demand for its bi 
of coverage—trom AP, UPI, college 
papers and TV-radio networks—which 
the establishment press will be unable to 
satisfy. In turn, more attention will be 
focused on the syndicate papers them- 
selves. From there, the sky is the limit. 
Wilcock, for example, foresees a network 
io stations, out- 


to remi 


of short-range pirate т 
side FCC j 


under- 
ground gospel to the fettered. year 
dreams of a gi 
s Union paper, which would 


masses, Katzman 


Consume 
beiween em- 
ag all in 
consumerhood, a living entity independ 
ent of state and producers. (“We will 
eat the food! We will wear the clothes! 
We will drive the crs” Kayman 
rhapsodizes.) 

Many such quixotic notions are predi- 
cated upon a fierce sense of w. 
them. ("They" are alternately known as 
“the enemy," “the evil forces” “the 
shadow" and “the world of uptight 
fear.") But while EVO rants about "las- 


undermine the dichotomy 
nd workers, un 


ployers 


cist narcos,” while the Barb and the Free 
Press bewail the excesses of 
fuzz” or “Gestapo storm troopers,” а 
newer West Coast entry, The Oracle. 
ids emissaries to the le 
“to test the power of love.” 
“intelligent, amiable and receptiv y 
are now dickering for a plan by which 
police may use the words and mystique 
of an ancient Indian mantra to 
¢ hippie multitudes. 

This sweet-tempered scheme is 
cal of The Oracle, a handsomely dc- 
signed bi mately”) from 
the Ha y district of San Fr 
cisco. The Oracle is the gentlest a 
loveliest of the underground 
Decorared with multicolored collage 
woodcuts and psychedelic paintir 
filled with quasi-religious Hindu myths 
hymns to nature, spiritual introspections, 
astrological charts; sponsoring movements 
out of the city, imo the surroundin 
nd farmlands (such as “Seed- 
power,” a transcendentalist new youth 
kibbutz): The Oracle seems often to 
be moving beyond resentment—toward 
mellow, joyful resignation. Now hype 
intellect Ils teen 
initiate tribal groups . at and 
nostalgic response to technological and 
population pressures”), now lyrical (half 
of its letters t0 the editor аге “LOVE 
r poems), it laughs at the ab- 
of the straight seene without any 
at all. 


se 


papers. 


woods 


surdit 
ager 


Waiting is. 
Meditation is action, 


soothes its “Gossiping Guru," who ex- 
presses the hope that Berkeley's “campus 
adicals will get the message and start 


155 


PLAYBOY 


156 


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singing . . . by entering the political 
arena against the establishment one only 
succeeds in lowering his level of con- 
sciousness to that of his opponent 
ready, in the few short months u 
has spread its gospel, The Oracle has 


changed the face of the underground 
press, bringing love messages to hard- 
hippie EVO and psychedelic illustrations 


to drier, issuc-orient 
Barb 

The Oracle's meager “news coverage” 
is supplemented, at the Haight, on an 
almost hourly basis by an auxiliary hippie 
group that calls itself The Communica- 
tion Company. This mimeograph opera- 
tion forms the benevolent propaganda 
arm of The Diggers. originally a handful 
of generous local poets who provided 
free highs. food, lodging and spiritual 
guidance to impoverished visitors, but 
by now expanded to include large num- 
bers of roving “Hower people" and den 
zens of communal pads—"“the invisible 
government” of Haight-Ashbury. The 
Communication Company produces topi- 
cal leaflets within 30 minutes, day or 
night, and circulates them throughout. 
the district in another 30. So far, it has 
distributed dose o 1000 different, multi- 
colored “publications” ranging fi 
poetry to position papers for the sharing 

(‘Freedom means everything 
“I you're not a Digger, you're 
property"), to whereand-when announce- 

ents for the next 
demonstration of joy.” 
impending busts, 

On the Haight, hippies virtually con 
trol the scene. They feel, therefore, less 
persecuted, less paranoid, more relaxed 
—and their press reflects this sense of 
communal well-being in “waves of cellu- 
lar trans love energy vectors.” But else- 
where in the country, too, the rash of 
bcins, fly-ins, love-ins, swee 
megapolitan peace-pipe powwows 
been bringing the new youth u 
with the promise of a great 


1 papers such as the 


m 


* spontaneous 
10 warnings. of 


vins and 


has 


the wibes” into viable communitie 
lic areas (such as Park in 


San 
Francisco and Tompkins Square in Man 


Provo 


hattan) have been appropriated for 
“freaking freely,” Diggerlike cadres have 
sprung up in various cities (New York 
alone now boasts the Drop-Ins, The 
Real Great Society and The Jade Com- 
panions). And new underground. pape 
give voice to the communal dream. 


Readers of establishment papers may 
express themselves most genuinely in 
lovelorn letters; underground readers ap- 
peal to cach other directly through cla 


sifeds. Not surprisingly, personal ads 
tend to be as freewheeling as the publi 
cation in which they appear. The Voice 


ha refully. Its 
“Village Bulletin Board” rejects explicit 
appeals for sexual companionship. al- 
though more than a dozen presumably 


sophisticated dating services, mostly 


s always screened notices 


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computer, advertise in the paper. ‘Their 
Bulletin Board, typically, is encrusted 
with notices for avant-garde films, thea- 
ter events, social get-togethers, publica- 
tions and objets d'art. 
Classifieds in the undc 
fall between extremes of 
with West Coast ads lean 


ground press 
jcentiousness, 
ng more to 


ward t cs (nude beach parties 
Lonely Genitals Glub, Sexual Freedom 
League functions, group acid tests) and 


East Coast ads, toward individual setups 
("Keep me high and TI ball you forever. 
mantha”); drugs (“Auention new pot- 
jippier Aheads, junkies and 
oody' Card | con Ж if 
possible Bill Taly is a fingerman. I'm 
WE Dusi ass and, S 
publishing names of known rats"); odd- 
ball cults ("covers Delicious Recipes 
for Preparing Human Flesh"); and cryp- 
Ь ("Wrote your number on a 
am ршщ again and ate it. TIL 


call my analyst tomorrow"). Midwest 
ads are Share-mypad proposi- 
tions ("Desirous of mecting buxom, bed 


dable, stacked, sophisticated swinger”), 
perhaps the most prevalent form of per- 
sonal, read like souped-up, adolescent 
refugees from The National Enquirer. 
(The Enquirer's editor, who consid 
EVO "in bad taste,” claims their 
"must meet certain high standards.") But 
subterrancans are quick to insist that 
hippie advertisers are a different breed 
of cat entirely. 

"Once I saw an ad in the Enquirer that 
said, "I'd like to meet a girl who doesn't 
real this sort of paper. " Paul Krassner 
recalls. "Most of these people would 
probably rather advertise in The New 
York Times." (The Times rejected a 
help-wanted ad for an EVO salesman.) 
Krassner himself experimented with а 
“Department of Personal Propaganda” 
and then expressed some journalistic 
embarrassment ar phrases like “Open- 
minded attractive females only" and 
“Will answer every letter” and "Photo 
(optional) returned." Rather than risk an 
ty crisis over the question of 
sorhip, he dropped the feature after a 
ngle issue. That sad, for even 
though, as Krasner admits laughingly, 
“Realist readers were just as horny as 
ybody else,” they offered mor 
tive selLimerpretations than most lonely- 
heats, e.g 


cds 


was 


Divorcee and kids: 
LQ. 135: intuitive-correlative 
abstract-objective thinkingwise; can 
nd do recondition self at will 
extreme (and controlled) emotional 
range; culture-free to great extent. 
Lik hosing, sensual music, 
learning, individuals, sex, creat 
existence. Dislike: cold, 
past and present history, people 
masse, boundaries. Want m 
legality, equal or superior in sa 
freedom, potential. 


ET 


BFW 


HQRZ 


TNJSE 


WNRUXKL 
мат мэк 
men 


Пти 


“You 


e right, R 


hese people aren't necessurily 
up,” Krasner insists. “I've got friends 
who use classifieds. Из a screening de- 
vice. And if, say, you want to plug into 
a coupleswapping underground, where 
else can you go? 

“We're wcd to thinking a guy who 
advertises for a chick has to be a loser,” 
says the girlfriend of an EVO column 
“But that's where it’s ar now. Frontal. 
› ly groovy. Look, 
I had dressed this way five years ago 
nk top, bright colors, spider stock- 
ings, huge earrings—you'd have thought 
I was a whore. But now I'm acceptable. 
Society picks things up from its fringes 
—and changes.” 

Underground proprietors, too, hope to 
shift the center of social gravity left 
ward. Ed Sanders, who also edits the 
Marijuana Newsletter (which quotes 
prices on the grass exchange), and whose 
successful shodk rock Fu be clear- 
ing the way [or a new sort of top-40 sound, 

ppeared on the cover of Life. He's an 
important prophet for freaking with a 
purpose. 

“Anyone cin go live in an ashram 
somewhere,” he says. "But once you pick 
up the telephone, once you accept the 
stence of the A & Р, you've gol to get 

Otherwise you're a psycho 


s m; 


involved. 
path. The social game is just a matter of 
energy sources. Now we pretend a benign 
political life at home and go wreaking 
violence all over the world. The unde 

ground tries to dull the impulse to 
ward violence and redirect the energy 
мо sexual and creative channels. Take 
pot; a highly sophisticated substance, a 


Reverend Pratt. It is a dirty word!" 


miracle drug. Tied in with sex, not vio- 
lence. A sexual and philosophical union 
of people who turn on and have radical 
economic views сап become а power 
bloc—libertari m—but you've 
idea into the cultur 
ird' and “far out," 
age. Once they 
not violent, they can't 
"These newspa- 


n socia 


got to pound your 
+.» You may be ‘w 
but you're effect 
understand you’ 
use violence against you. 
permen are gentle people. No fists. So 
you're à freak for five years, and then 
radical for another ten, and then you're 
conservative and^some other Turks are 
howling at the gates. We'll devote our 
whole lives to this campitign, because 
whats freaky today will be frazzled to- 
morrow. If you can affect just one gencr- 
ation of young people, you save the 
world for 30 or 40 years; you get people 
to take LSD, make love with their eyes 
open. For every protester, there are ten 
secret supporters. Get them out in the 
id you cool the whole scene." 

To learn what is happening, to form a 
personal judgment of America, we must 
rely heavily upon the testimony of the 
press. We know the defense briefs by 
heart. In the face of overwhelming eco: 
nomic and sociopolitical impotence, the 
underground press seeks to prepare a 
case for the prosecution. Из witnesses. 
are mostly а strident, frowzy lot, 
for all their talk of love, unrul 
haps even a bit mad. But they are, at 
last, demanding to take the stand. And 
they have quite another story to tell. 


are 


open 


157 


PLAYBOY 


158 


HORSE’S HEAD (continued from page 101) 


` Melanie 


“L plan to swallow you 
said. 


The suspense was killing him. 

The suspense at first was compounded 
of two equal parts: the hope that Mela 
nie would give him the name of the 
stonecutter, so that he could leave here 
in all possible haste, and the possibility 
that she might at any moment swallow 


told him she did not must any white 
man (he believed her), and yet she would 
not let him out of her sight, would not 
let go of his hand, would not stop rub- 
bing her long, sinuous cats body against 
him at every opportunity. He was begin- 
ng to suspect that she was naked 
beneath the clinging Pucci silk; and the 
notion of exploring this darkest heart, 
the possibility of being swallowed alive 
by a race and an intelligence that went 
back millenniums, consumed, as it were, 
by someone or something that simul 
neously hated him and desired him, was 
hg and terribly exciting, But 
ad contradictorily, and con- 
he was terrified that she would 
indeed envelop him in her blackness, 
completely enclose him in the centuries. 
old vastness of her mother womb, absorb 
him, cause him to disappear from view 
entirely. swallow him alive exactly as 
she had promised. 
He noticed а rath 
Negro woman sitting i 


tantaliz 


far and. frizzled 
an casy chair 


the record player, moving her 
crossed leg in time to the music, so that 
her sandaled foot tapped our the bear 


The woma 
al she was we: 


on thin an. 
50 or 55, 


was perhaps 
ing а black 


muumuu, white pearls around her 
throat, hair cut just like Melanie's, in 
dose, tight African style. She kept beat- 


ing her foot on the air as though she 
were squashing white missionaries and 
Belgian nuns, her skin very black, her 
ng 
He wondered who the woman 
wondered how he could 
sk about her. 
a rhe 
“1 don't think ye 


teeth very white, her black eyes sta 
at him. 


trouble 
ve 


by 


ing, 


mother.” 
"I don't t 
Plcasu: 
“The 


nk I have, 


white 
ioi 
person 


ass,” 


horses 


said, 


nor meat 


ıhe garbage 

Don't m Iclanie said. 
incinerator is down the hall 
he white man is fit for the 
tor,” Mdanie's mother said, which sent a 


shiver up Mullaney's spine. 

They gathered up the bags of garbage 
п the kitchen and carried them to the 
front door. At the door, Melanie said, 
"Why don't you go to sleep, Mother," 
and Mother replied, party's just 
starting.” 

“Very well,” Melanie said, and sighed, 

nd opened the door, She preceded Mul- 
laney down the empty hallway toward 
the small incinerator room, He pulled 
open the furnace door for her and she 
chopped the bags of garbage down the 
chute. Below, somewhere in the bowels 
of the building, there was the sense if 
not the actual sound and smell of licking 
Hames, a hidden well of fire destroying 
the waste of a metropolis. He released the 
handle and the door banged b. no 
place. Below, the building throbbed 
with consuming fire, a dull, steady roar 
that vibrated into the soles of his feet 
and shuddered through the length of his 
body. 

“Kiss me," Melanie said. 

This is the gamble, he thought as he 
took her into his arms. This is why I took 
the gamble a year ago. I took it for this 
moment in this room, this girl in my 
arms here and now; І have written son- 
nets about girls like this. I 100k the gam- 
ble so that 1 could make love to women 
in the stacks of the New York Public 
; I took the gamble so that I 

e love to women in й 
black or white, yellow or red, 
lowering her to the floor and raising the 
Pucci silk up over her brown thighs. "I 
hate vou," she said. “Yes,” he said, “love 
me." He reached for the top of her dress, 
lowered it oll her shoulders and kissed 
the dark sl “I hate you." she said 
n. "Love me," he said. "I hate you, 1 
hate you, I hate you," her teeth damped 
into his lips, he could taste blood. He 
thought, She will kill me, and thought, 
This is the gamble, and remembered he 
had once very long ago made love 10 a 
Negro prostitute in a curbside crib and 
had not considered it a gamble. And had 
later told Irene that he had once had a 
colored girl and she had said, “How lucky 
you are,” and he had not known whether 
or not she was Kidding. Here and now, 
here with the fires of hell burning in the 
building below, here with 
peated over and over again as he moved 
inst her, “I hate you, I hate you, I 
he wondered about the gamble 
time in а year and was sur 
гару 


girl who re- 


hate you,” 
for the fi 
prised when their lovemaking 
ended. 


e you,” she said, with excellent 
on this time. 

He told her he was sorry, which he 
truly was, and which he thought was a 
gentlemanly and certainly American 
thing to admit, as she pulled her dress 
down over her long brown legs and 


stood up. She siid his apology was а 
cepted, but that nonetheless he had been 
an inadequate and disappointing part- 
icr, whereas she had been hoping for 
somcone with skill and virtuosity enough 
to perform on Ferris wheels, for example. 

“E would be willing to do it on a 
volley coaster!” he showed in defense, 
and then lowered his voice, whispering. 
"Fm truly sorry, Mel 

Yes, she said, dust 
dress and tucking h 
the bodice, but you m 
something about the 
cam only engender hatred and. distr 
The white man has been taking for cen- 
mures and centuries, she said, and he 
doesn't know how to give, you sce, nor 
even how to accept graciously. The 
white man (he was beginning to feel as if 
he'd been captured by the Sioux) knows 
only how to grab and grab and grab— 
which is why you have that look on your 
face that Mother always warned me 
about—but he doesn't know what he 
really wants or even why the hell he's 
grabbing. The white man is a user and a 
taker and a grabber, and he will Con- 
tinue to use and take and grab until 
ihere's nothing left for him to feast upon 
but his own entrails, which he will de- 
vour like а hyena; did you know that 
hyenas eat their own intesti 
о, I did not know that," Mullaney 
said, amazed and repulsed. 

It is а litle known fact, Melanie said, 
but true. You must not think I'm angry 
at you, or would harbor any ill feelings 
toward you, or seek any revenge other 
| not permitting vou to spend the 
night in my apartment, which would be 
imposible with Mother here, anyway. 
She despises the white man, as you may 
have gathered. 1, on the other hand, like 
the white man, E really do. As a group, 
that is. And whereas it’s true that I've 
never met one individually or singly of 
whom I could be really fond, induding 
my recently departed husband, this 
doesn't mean 1 don’t like them as a 
group. 1 am, for example, keenly disap- 
pointed in you personally, but this 
needn't warp my judgment of the group 
as a whole, do you understand? In fact, 1 
suppose 1 should be grateful to you for 
proving to me once again just how unde- 
pendable the white man really is, as 
individual, of course. Trust him, let him 
have his way with you, and what does 
he do once again but leave you with 
empty promises, though 1 
ch on Washington for something as 
vial as this; still I chink you know 
I mean, Now, | suppow you think 
I'm not going to tell you the name of the 
stonecutter: but no. I'm not the type to 
seek revenge or to harbor any ill fecl- 
ings, as Ге already told you. I like the 
white man, I do. So I will tell you his 

And perhaps my generosity will 


name 
remind you as you go through 


ic. 
ng off her Puce 


sts back 

dmit there 
man that 
st. 


nto 


an 


wouldn't 


wh 


"m 


money... 


g 
t 


PLAYBOY 


160 


“We'll have to stop meeting like this. 
Im running out of cookies!" 


you once took a little colored girl in an 
tor room, grabbed her and took 
ber not hating 
s no g you, but 
nonetheless feeling a very kcen disap- 
pointment in you, which I should have 
been prepared to expect. But grateful to 
you nonetheless for ascertaining it once 
gain io my satisfaction. I am. in fact, 
extremely fied. Your pe 
was exactly what 1 expected, 


fore I am satisfied with ту disappoi 
ment 


do you understand what I'm 
р? 

“Oh, of course," Mullaney said, re- 
lieved. 

“Well, good, then," Melanie said, and 
offered her hand and said, "Good luck, 
his name is MeReady; I take the pill." 

1 beg your pardon?” 

1 take the pill, don't жопу; йз 
McReady's Monument Works in 
Queen: 


“Thank you, 


Mullaney said. 


He watched her as she went back to 
her party, and then he took the elevator 
down to the street а found a tele- 
phone booth and looked up the address 
of McReadys Monument Works 
Queens. He began walking toward 42nd 
Street, aware tha was where he'd 
last seen Henry orge but assu 
ing they would given up the d 
by now. He was approaching the su 
way when he noticed two pickets pa- 


зе 


disgorging late employees. As he ap- 
proached them. one of them smiled and 
id. "Shopping bag. s 

“Thank you.” he s 
The shopping bag was white with 
large red letters proclaiming Juby похо 
BLOUSES ARE ON STRIKE! Not being a 
ion man himself but being of course 
в sympathy with workingmen all over 
the world, Mullaney accepted the shop- 
ping bag, dropped the tauered 
into it and hurried to the subway station. 


He was st; ine at the change 
booth, waiting to buy a token, when two 
men joined him, one on cither side. 

“We'll pay your fare,” George said. 

"Right this way," Henry said, and led 
him toward the turnstile. 


5: ROLLO 


“Where are you taking me?” Mullaney 
asked. 
"Somcplace nice,” Henry said. 
"Very пісе," George said. 
"You'll remember it always," Henry 
id. 


ош take the memory to your 
grave," George said, which Mullaney did 
not think was fu 


When the train pulled in, they waited. 
silently for the doors to open and then 
got into the nearest car and silently took 

cars, Mullaney in the middle, George 
id Henry on either side of him. The 
hopping bag with the damn inscrutable 
cket rested on the floor of the car, 
between Mullaney's feet. 

They were heading for Queens. 

There were a lot of people in the car, 
reading their newspapers or holding 
nds, or studying the car-card adver- 
tising, or idly gazing through the win- 
dows as the train clattcred from station 
to station. Mullaney glanced across the 
sle to the other side of the car, where 
а fat, dark-haired woman sat with her 
button-nosed litle daughter, and then 
looked past them, through the windows. 
The train had surfaced, he could sce the 
lights of Queens beyond. He suddenly 
lized he would be leaving the train by 
the doors on his right, in the center of 
the car, and he decided he ought to 
know how long it took for those doors to 
open and then close again. So he be, 
counting as soon as the train stopped at 
the ne: ation, one, two, thr— the 
doors opened, four, five, six, seven, they 
were still open, people were moving out 
ошо the platform, others were coming 
in, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, the 
doors closed, the train was in motion 
n. Well, that was а very pleasant 
exercise, Mullan ought, but 1 don't 
know what good it will do me when the 
time comes to make my break. 

He heard the sound of an alto saxo- 
phone and thought at first th: 
the car had turned оп а tr tor 
re all so musical, 
ng wherever 
ns gay and 
cing, pla 
ned tow: 
aw that a live musician 


ind singing, d. 
ing all the time. But as he tu 
the sound. he 
had entered the far end of the car and 
was making his way, step by 
step, toward where Mullaney 
potential assasins were sining. 

The man was blind. 

He was a tall, thin ma 
tered swe 


tious 
ad his 


n, wearing a tat- 
ter, dark glasses on his nose, 


head carried erect, as though on the 
end of a plumb line, the saxophone 
mouthpiece between his compressed lips. 
The saxophone was gilded with mock 
silver that had worn through in spots to 
reveal the tarnished brass beneath. A 
ather leash was fastened to the man's 
Delt and led to the collar of a large Ger- 
man shepherd, who preceded the man 
into the subw. and led him step by 
step up the sitting after each two 
or three steps while the man continued 
playing a song that sounded like a med- 
ley of You Made Me Love You and 
Sentimental Journey. The man, though 
blind, was a terrible saxophonist, mis- 
keying, misphrasing, producing squeaks 
in every m v. The German shep- 
herd, dutifully pausing after every few 
steps into the car, walked or sat at the 
mans feet in what appeared to be a 
pained stupor, a glazed look on his 
otherwise intelligent face. The blind man 
swayed above him, filling the car with 
his monumentally bad music, while on 
either side people rose from th 
drop coins into the tin cup that hung 
from his neck, resting somewhere near 
his breastbone, its s 


r sears to 


phone. The 
dened, carrying around his neck 


ing, hand-lettered placard that read: 


MY 
DO NOY PET ME. 
THANK YOU. 


NAME 15 ROLLO. 


The blind man had reached the center 
doors of the car now. The dog dutifully 
sat again with that same pained and pa- 
tient expression on his face, and Mulla- 
ney wondered why a nice-looking animal 
like Rollo would wear a sign asking 
people not to pet him. The train had 
pulled into another station and people 
were rushing in and out of the doors, 
shoving past the blind man, who immedi- 
ately stopped playing. But as soon as the 
doors closed and the train was in motion 
he struck up a lively chorus of Ebb 
then modulated into Siormy 


Tide 
Weather, which he played with the same 


and 


squeaking vibrato and fumbling dexteri- 
ty, while the dog continued to look more 
and more pained. They were still coming 
up the aisle, slowly making their w 
toward where Mullaney sat, He had not 
thought to count the time it took for the 
train to go from onc station to another; 
thst was his mistake, he now realized; he 
had counted the wrong thing. The blind 
man and Rollo stopped, the swelling 
sound of the sixophone drowned out the 
speculations of Henry and George (they 
were debating the possibility of garrot- 
ing Mullaney) and filled the car with 
horrendous sound. Coins continued to 
tue into the tin cup, music lovers all 
along the car reaching gingerly into the 
aisle and chopping pennies, nickels and 
dimes in appreciation as Rollo and the 


blind man moved a few steps, paused, 
moved again. paused ; they were 
perhaps three fect away from Mullaney 
now. The dog is probably vicious, he 
thought, that's why you're not supposed 
to pet him; he's a vicious dog who'll 
chew your arm off at the elbow if you so 
much as make a move toward his head. 
The train was slowing, the wain was 
pulling imo a station, Rollo and the 
i were moving ahead again, two 
foot away, the train stopped, 
the dog sat in the aisle directly in front 
of Henry. 
ancy begged the forgiveness of 
polite society, he begged the forgiveness 
of God, he begged the forgiveness of tra- 
ion, but he knew he had to save his 
Ге, even if the only way to do it 


to лаке advantage of a blind man. He 
began counting the moment the main 
stopped, one, two, three, the doors 


ed, and he had 11 
his move, lose, live or die. He 
suddenly grabbed Henry's right arm, 
cupping his own left hand behind Hen 
туз elbow, pushing his own right hand 
zainst Henry's wrist, creating a fulerum 
па lever that forced Henry out of his 
seat with a yelp. The dog was sitting at 
Henry's feet, and Mullaney, counting 
madly (four, five, six, seven, eight, those 
doors would close at fourteen), hurled 
Henry directly at Rollo’s pained, mag- 
nificent head, saw his jowls pull back an 
instant before Henry collided with the 

triangular black nose, saw the fangs bared, 
heard the deep growl start in Rollo’s 
throat, nine, ten, eleven, he bounded for 
iie doors as George came out of his 
seat, drawing his gun, twelve, thirteen, 
Stop!" George shouted behind him, Mul- 

laney was through the doors, fourteen, 
id him. Through the 
open windows of the car, he could h 
Rollo tearing off Henry's arm or perhaps 
ripping out. his jugular, while the bl 
man began playing 
gers in the Night and Tuxedo Junction. 
George was across the car now 
ing through a window as the train be; 
moving out of the station. He fired twice 
at Mullaney, who zigzagged along the 
platform and leaped headfirst down the 
steps leading below, banging his head on 
а great many risers as he hurtled dow 
thinking this was where he had come i 
xd thinking. By God, he missed me! He 
heard the train rattling out of the station. 
and was certain. he also heard applause 
from the passengers in the car as Rollo 
evisceratcd poor Henry. He got to his 
feet the moment he struck the land 
be ing instantly, without look 
ng, I'm free at last, I'm free 

of all of them, and running past the 
change booth and then bounding down 
nother flight of steps to the street, not 
knowing where he was, thinking only 
that he had escaped, finding himself on 
the sidewalk, good solid concrete under 


cconds to make 


ope 
win or 


nd they closed be 


nd. 


medley of Siran- 


E 


his feet, glancing up at the traffic light, 


seeing it was in his favor and darting 
into the guter. 
He halfway to the other side 


when he realized he had left the Judy 
Bond shopping bag on the (rain. 

He stopped dead in the middle of the 
street. 

Irene, he thought, you are better off 
without me, really you are, because not 
only am I a loser, I am also a fool, and 
was almost knocked flat 10 the pavement 
by a red convertible that swerved 
srecchingly away [rom him, the driver 
turning his head back to shout a few 
swearwords, thereby narrowly missing a 
milk truck that went thundering past 
from the opposite direction. Mullaney 
stood rooted to the spot, suddenly won- 
dering whether Irene (who had undoubt 
edly known other men since the divorce) 
had ever told any of them, for example. 
that he sometimes made muscles in front 
of the mirror, or that, for further exam- 
ple, he had once lain full length and 
naked on the bed, with a derby hat 
covering his masculinity, which he had 
revealed to her suddenly as she entered 
the room, with a "Good morning, madam, 
may I show you something in a hat?"— 
wondered, in short, if she had ever told 
anyone else in the world that he, Andrew 
Mullaney, was sometimes а fool. some- 
times most certainly a horse's ass, 

The thought bothered him. 

He stood exactly where he w 
moving in the center of the street, wait- 
ing for the light to change again and the 
traffic to ease, When it did, he walked 
back to the curb and thought, The hell 
with the jacket, I have had enough of 


chasing after pots of gold at the ends of 
rainbows: 1 that was when he saw the 
lide girl th her mother. He recog- 


wd them at once as they came down 
the steps from the elevated. platform, the 
пей woman and the button 
nosed litle girl who had Dee 
opposite him in the subway car. 

The little girl was carrying his Judy 
Bond shopping bag. 


uing 


he shouted, and began run- 
them. He saw the shopping 
bag going around the corner in a flurry 
of Friday-night humanity, a boy on a 


ning afte 


skateboard. rushing past, two old La 
idly strolling and chatting, a man w 
ing a straw hat and drinking beer from a 


boule; he saw only the disappearing end 
of the bag as it rounded the corner, and 
hurried to reach that corner, almost 
knocking over а man carrying а Christmas 
пее, a whai, turning to look back at the 
man—sure enough, he was carrying 
damn Christmas пес in the middle of 
April—ran past the gardening shop on 
the corner, saw pines and spruces potted 
in tubs, said "Excuse me" to a 


PLAYBOY 


162 


slacks and high-heeled pumps. turned 
the corner, saw а row of empty lots and 
a single huge apartment house, but not 
his shopping bag. 

The lite girl and her mother had 
disappeared. 


6: LADRO 


He stood on the sidewalk and counted 
13 stories in the apartment building, and 
then started counting windows in an 
attempt to learn how many apartments 
there were. He figured there were at least 
ten apartments on cach floor, multiplied 
by 13 (unlucky number), for a total of 
130 apartments. It suddenly occurred to 
him that the Judy Bond shopping bag 
he had seen might not be his shoppin; 
bag. Suppose he knocked on 130 doors 
only to discover that the bag contained, 
Tor example, а pair of men's pajamas or 
а lady's bathrobe? Besides, even if it was 
his shopping bag, he still didn't know 
exactly why the jacket was worth retriev- 
ing. Only K and his fellows knew that 
Mmm, Mullaney thought, and immed 
ately hailed a taxi, coldly calculating 


petty larceny he was about to commit 
against the driver, but ag, C'est la 
guerre and giving him the address ol 
McReady's. Monument Works. 

This has got to be the end of it, he 
thought. 

Hf that really is my shopping bag, then 
I know where the jacket is or at | 
approximately where it is—there’s only 


one apartment building on that block 
ul the girl certainly didn't vanish into 


ady know the secret of the jacket, So 
the ideal thing is vo form a partnership, 
50.50. 1 tell you how to get the jacket, 
you tell me how to ger the money, OK? 
Is it a deal? 

No, they will say, and shoot me 
through the head 

But then they don't get the jacke 

I certainly hope they want that jacket 


"Have vou been bereaved?” the cab 
driver asked. 
No, not recently,” Mullaney said. 


“L thought perhaps you had been 
bereaved, since you are heading for a 
gravestone place." 

No, Fm heading there 10 consum- 


mate a rather 1 
"Oh. are you i 
ness? 
“No, I'm... 
He hesitated 
He had almost said. “I'm an encyclo: 
pedia salesman,” which he had not been 
for more than a year now. 
z wbler." he said quickly. 
у reached McReady's, he 
sked the driver to wait at the curb for 


ge bu 
the gri 


estone busi- 


him and then went up the gravel path, 
debating whether he should pop in on 
the stonccutter without at least a pre 
the 


y phone call to 


nnounce 


pur 
pose of his visit. Suppose K was in the 


cottage. with hi 
gan shooting the 


suppose they both be 
отет he opened the 


door? He noticed that a window was 
open on the side of the cottage, and 
whereas he didn't want t0 waste time 


пуй to locate a phone booth, he saw 

i ling over to the 
window and doing a little precautionary 
eavesdropping. He tipioed ados the 


gravel, ducked below the window and 
then slowly aud carefully raised his head 
so that his eyes were just level with the 


sill. 
MeReady was alone in the room. 
He was standing near a Tutankhamen 
calendar, alongside which was a wall 
telephone. He had the phone receiver to 
his car and was 
kept listen 


ng attentively 
ng every now 
then, I 8 more and lin 
shouting. "Yes, Signor Ladro, 1 
sand! But He listened again. 
“Yes” he said, "losing the body was 
inexcusable, 1 agree with you. But, 
Signor Ladro, 1 must say that 1 find this 
call equally inexcusable. 1 thought. we 
had agreed . . , yes... yes. but... yes 

. what? OF couse, the body was 
properly clothed. Yes, that does mean 
the burial garments were lost as well. 
Including the jacket, yes. But 1 toll you, 


tenir 


some 


under- 


we're making every соп to locate the 
corpse... Yes, of comse, the jacket as 
well.” 

Mullaney's eyes narrowed. Go on, he 
thought. Talk, McReady. Tell the nice 
gentleman—who is undoubtedly а mem- 


ber of your international ring, 1 can tell 
by the way you're u 


school voice and manne 


ug your 
tell the nice 
gentleman all about the jacket. 


ht, Mullaney thou 


“No, at five to six" 
At five to six, Mullaney thought 
“Three, that's correct," McReady = 
Oh. is three, Mullaney thought 
ten, ie, in that 


id. 


elevei 


order 


Oh, my, Mullaney thought 
dro. I really find discussing 
and your concern 


Signor L: 
2. ves 1 can under 
over the delay, but we thought it best 
not to contact... yes, Í understand. But 
the matter is still a very delicate one, 


he New York, at least. The . . . ac- 
cident occurred only two nights ago, you 
know. One might say the body is still 
very very warm. . . . Good, I'm glad you 
do.” 

What is he talking about? Mullaney 
wondered. What the hell are you talking 
about, McReady? 

"Well, all I can do is assure you once 
again that we're doing everything in our 
power to recover it. . . . Yes, quite secure 
ly fastened, there's no need to worry on 
that score. Besides, we had arranged for 
a decoy, Signor Ladro, as you know. So 
we feel confident that everything is still 
Well, no, we can't be certain, 
. . what? We had 


intact. 
Signor Ladro, but 
them drilled, Yes, each one. 

How's that again? Mullaney thought. 

“No, before they were painted,” Mc- 
Ready said. 

Now he's talking gi 
thought. frowning. 

"Black, of course,” McReady said. 

Mere gibberish. 

“That is correct" McReady said, "you 
have it all, Signor Ladro. Please be 
patient, won't you? You will receive the 
coffin as soon as we can correct the prob- 
lems on this end. We understand that's 
the family’s wish and we are doing 
everything possible to comply. . . . Well, 
thank you. Thank you, Signor Lad 
Thank you, I appreciate that. . . . 1t was 
good hearing Irom you, too, Signor La- 
dro. Thank you. Please give my regards 
to Bianca. Ciao.” 

McReady hung up and then took a 
handkerchief from h k pocket and 
wiped his brow. Mullaney, crouching out- 
ide the window. was thinking furiously. 
McReady had reeled off a string of num- 
bers, eight and uhi and nine and 
eleven, he could barely remember them. 
I, were they some sort of code? He had 
also said, "At five to six,” was that a 
time? Was he referring 10 a specific time, 
1 was i New York time or Roman 
time? Ten, that was another one of the 
s, what did any of them have to 
do with the jacket or with the paper 
scraps Gouda had substituted for... 

Wait a minute, Didn't McReady. say 
the accident had occurred two nights 
ago? In that case, he couldn't have been 
referring to the highw at involv- 
ing Gouda, because that had happened 
ошу this afternoon; no, he had been re- 
fer g clse, something that 
was still very v Í Í recall his 
words correctly, something 1 
a delicate matter, here in New York, at 
least, something that . . . 

“We had them drilled,” 
said. 

“Each one." 

Had he been refe: 
ling, perhaps, a swap of assassinations: 
kill somebody here in 
| somebody there in Rome, even Ste- 
But then, why the need lor a casual 


beri 


h, Mullaney 


& 10 some! 


y маги 


that was st 


cReady had 


ng to a gangland 


w York. you 


ki 
pher 


а н 


“Batter is agent of evil secret organization plotting 
to rule world. Stick me in his ear.” 


corpse picked up on 1th Street, why not 
send the genuine item? Or items Tl 
would have been more than one corpse, 
because. MeReady had said “them.” he 
had very clearly and distinaly said. “We 
had them drilled,” plural, them, not sin- 
gular. him. her or it, But why would 
anyone want to paint the victims of a 
shooting? 

Black. he thought. MeReady had s 
"Black, of course 

Black. Mel 
means black. 

The jacket was black, the lining was 
black, the butions were black, the coffin 
was . 

Oh, my God, Mullaney thought. eight 
and three! 

Oh, my sweet loving merciful mother 
of God, oh, you smart son of a bitch, 
Mullaney, eight at five to six, oh, you 
genius, Mullaney, you are once again 
sitting on a fortune, you have cracked 
the code, you have pierced the plan, you 

© tipped to what these fellows have 
id are planning to do, you are a 
bloody blucnosed genius! 

Exuberantly, he rose from his crouch- 
ing position outside the window 

The thing to do now, he thought, 
get back as fast as I possibly can to the 


id, 


from the Greek, it 


lo 


girl who has my Judy Bond shopping 
bag. I don't need you anymore, gentle 
men—not you. McReady, and not you. 
either, K, thank you very much, 

Need him or not. K appeared 
mouth of the driveway just then. 
ag in the same black Cadillac th 
picked up Mullaney on Ме St 
morning. 

Mullaney thought, Um too close now to 
be stopped. 1 have doubled my bets 
then retreated, doubled them again 
retreated further still. but this time Fm 
going all the way, 1 am ready for the hig 
kill. gentlemen, and you cannot stop me 

He ran for the taxicab waiting alor 
side the curb. 

K had already seen ıd was back- 

ag the Cadillac out of the dii 
Mullaney threw open the door of the c 
and hurled himself onto the seat. 
man in the Cadillac is a thiet.” 

- "Get me out 


deel. 


g 


The driver reacted by putting the cab 
into gear and gunning it away from the 
curb. obviously delighted by this most 
recent of developme 

“What did he st 


"He stole someth 


he asked. 
ng worth half a 


163 


PLAYBOY 


million dollars in a certain foreign na- 
tion, Italy, for example." 

m lot of cabbage," the driver 
said. 

“That is a whole hell of a lot of cab- 
bage,” Mullaney sud. “My friend," he 
I you can get me where I'm going 
afely, without that fellow in the Cadil- 
lac catching me and killing me, I will 
give you a reward of five thousand dol- 
lars, which is exactly one percent of the 
total, and whic i 
ever going to ger in y 
Us a deal.” the driver said. 


hare the wealth.” Mullaney said, 
the hell. Have you ever been to 
arta?" 
“I have never even been to Pitts 
burgh.” 


“Jakarta is bette 
am sure,” the driver said. "Where is 


“Jakarta is in Indonesia and is some- 
nes spelled with a Dj." Mullaney said, 
ча, 
volume D-DR. "It is, in fact, the capital 
of Indonesia, which is the base of a 
triangle whose apex is the Philippines, 

ining north to Japan. They have 
rvelous cockroach races in Jakarta.” 
“I have marvelous cockroach races in 
my own kitchen every night,” the driver 
said. 

“My friend. he is gaining on us," Mul- 
laney said, glancing through the rear 
window. 

"Have no fear," the driver said, and 
rimmed the accelerator to the floor 

In a little while, he asked, "Is he still 
behind 


ui 
recalling volume J-JO, See Djak 


Mulla- 


7: BELINDA 


He asked the driver to w; 
the curb and then went 
ment building, trying to decide where he 
should begin—top floor? bouom floor? 
middle floor? 

It is always best to start at the bottom, 
he thought, and work your way up. so 
what I'll do is go to the very bottom, 
which i nent, 

The as empty. Не was 
g upstairs, when he heard voices 
g from the small 
olf to the side of the furnace. As he ap- 
proached the room, he saw that it had 
been whitewashed and hung with cute 
nursery-type cutouts of The Cat and 
the Fiddle and Old King Cole, and the 
like. A bare light bulb hung over a 
wooden table, which had been lowered 
lo accommodate the four tot i 
ound it. Three litle cightye: 
were playing jacks at that table—you 
ought to be in bed already, Mullaney 
thought, its way past your bedtime. The 
gi each wearing pasel dreses 


the bas 


basement 


sta 


“ one of rooms: 


ls were 


164 that blended nicely with the yellow table 


and pink chairs and whitewashed walls 
and cute musery-school cutouts. They 


were shrieking in glee at the progress of 


their jacks game and paid not the 
slightest bit of attention to Mullaney, 
who stood quietly in the doorway, 
watching. 

One of the girls was the button-nosed 
tyke who, with her mother, had been sit- 
ing opposite him in the subway car, Her 
sped firmly around the 
dies of the Judy Bond shopping 


han- 
bag. 


which rested on the floor near her feet. 


need up at him as he abortively 
in the doorway, her dark- 
ng up coolly and slowly 


Hello.” he said weakly. 

“Hello,” the other little girls chirped, 
but the dark-haired one at the end of the 
ble did not watched him in- 
tently and susp y instead, her hand 
still clutched around the twisted white- 
paper handles of the shopping bag. 

Excuse me, little girl,” Mullaney said, 
“but is thit your shoppir : 

“Yes, it is” she answered. Her voice 
was high and reedy, it seemed lo em 
nate from her button nose, her mouth 
d to rer у closed, her eyes 
did not waver from his face. 

“Are you sure you didn't find it on a 
subway train?” he asked, and smiled. 

“Yes, I did find it on a subway train, 
but it’s mine, anyway,” she said. “Finders, 


keepers. 
“Thats right, one of the 
other little girls said. "Finders, keepers,” 


and Mullaney wanted to strangle her. 
Instead, he smiled sourly and told him- 
self to keep c 
“There's a jacket in that bag, did you 
happen to notice it?” he asked. 
“I happened to notice it," 
said. 
“It belongs to me, 
“No, it belongs to me, 
“Finders, keepers.” 
ndeis, keepers, right," the other 
girl said. She was a fat lite kid with 
freckles on her nose and braces on her 
She seemed 10 be Belinda’s t 
lior and chief advocate and she sat 
slightly to Belinda’s right, with her 
hands on her hips, and stared at Mulla- 
ney with unmasked hostility. 
“Look,” Mullaney 
bay for the jacket, if you'll only 
“How much?" Bel ed. 
"Twenty cents,” Mullaney said, which 
1 the money he had in the world. 


Belinda 


Mullaney said. 
she answered. 


teeth, 


ns 


nda. 


AH 
“Well—how much do you w 
"Half a million." 

s not worth 


nt? 


nywhere near 
ng the child 
was omniscient. “It’s just an old jacket 
with a torn lining, it couldn't possibly 
be. He wet his lips. An idea was 
worth a chance. “How do 


Mullaney said, 


forming, it w 
you play that game?” he asked suddenly. 


“You throw the ball up,” Belinda said, 
“and it bounces, and if you're going for 
onesies, you have to pick up one jack 
each time before you catch the ball. 
When you're for twosies, you have to 
pick up two jacks cach time. And so on. 
How do you win?” Mullaney asked. 
When you reach tensies,” Belinda 
said. 

“Тепе?” 

When you bounce the ball and pick 
up all ten jacks before you catch 


“АП right, 
this shire 


Mullancy said, “do you see 
He clutched the fabric be- 
thumb and forefinger. “A good 
jasmine shirt, worth at least. fifteen dol- 
Lus on the open market, ah 
new, worn maybe three or four 

1 see it.” Belinda said. 

“OK. My shirt against the jacket in 
the bag, which is torn and worthless.” 

"What do you mean? 

“TIl play you for the jacket in the 
bag. 

"Play me what? 

“Jacks.” 

You've got to be kidding, 
said. 

“she'll murder you,” one of the other 
giris said. 

My shirt agai 


tween 


ost brand- 
mes. 


Belind 


st the jacket, what do 


you 

Belinda weighed the offer. Her free 
hand clenched and unclenched on the 
tabletop, her lips twitched, but her eyes 
nd wnblinking. The 
Her friends watched 
At la 


remained open 
room was silent. 
her expectantly 
most impercep 
jacks, mister.” 
He had never played j 
but he was prepared to play now for a 
prize worth half а million dollars. He sat 
on one of the tiny chairs, his knees up 
close near his chin, and peered between 
them across the table. 
“I'm Frieda,” the 
Ireckles said. 
m Hi the other one said. 
"How do you do?” he said, and nod- 
ded politely. "Who goes first?" he asked. 
71 defer to my opponent" Belinda 
said, making him feel he had stumbled 
into the clutches of a jacks hustler. 
“How do you—how do you do this? 
he asked. 
"He's got to be kiddi 
“She'll mobilize hi 
"Pick up the 
and," 
he said, picking them up. 
“Now, keep your hand up here, about 
high from the table, and let them 
fall. Just open your hand and let them 
is 
"OK nd opened his hand 
and let the jacks fall. 
Dh, that’s a bad throw,” Frieda said, 
“You're dead, mister.” Hilda said. 
"Shut up and let me play my own 


girl with the 


g” Frieda 
Hilda said. 
acks,” Belinda said. “In 


it should have gon 


w is that when 


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PLAYBOY 


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game,” he said. “What do 1 do next 
“You throw the ball up amd let it 
bounce on the (able, and then you have 
to pick up one jack and catch the ball in 
the same hand 
That's impossible." Mullane 
That's the mister.” 
said. “Those are the rules 


y said. 
Belinda 


me. 


to be the same hand,” Frieda 


has be 


course it to the same 
Hilda s 
е the rules." 


s the game," 
“Then why didn’t vou say so wh 


asked you before?” Mulliney 


nT 


said 


“Any dumb ox knows those are the 
rules” Belinda said. “Are you quitting? 

Quiningz" he sud. "Lady, 1 am just 
starting," 


He concentrated only on the jacks and 
on the red rubber ball. He iguored the 
malevolent stares of the Title girls 
ranged. around him at the siwed-olf ta 
ble. ignored the suffocating heat of the 
room and th the tiny 
chair on wh 
knowledge da half a million dollars w 
маке. conceruraring only on the same. 


discomlort ol 
h he sit, ignored. too, the 


only on winning. He was а clumsy 
player. He seized the jacks 100 anxiously, 
clutched for the rubber ball 100 de 


perately, but he dropped neither jacks nor 
ball; and by the time he reached rwosies 
the knack of 
low his 
his concent: 


he was begin 
the 
confidence to intrude o 
tion. Twosies was the daily double, that 
was all. vou picked the two mags most 
likely to win and then you picked the 
next two and the next two alter that, and 
before you knew it. there were only two 
left on the table and vou swept them up 
into your hand and reached clumsily for 
the falling rubber ball, but caught it, 
yes, denched your fist around it, caught 
it, and were ready for tdhrecsics 


10 get 


пе. He did not 


Tiweesies was merely picking the win 
place and show horsey in the proper or- 
der, three times i nd then there 
only one jack left o 
ple, bouncie bouncie ballie. scoop it up, 
ich the bı 
oing to win," he whispered 

Belinda w 
ignored their | Я 
their cruel, silent his 
downfall: he ignored them. and moved 
to foursies, it seemed to be getting 
icr all the time, all you had 10 do was 
scoop up four, and then four again. easy 


а row, 
the table, si 


1. there you my dears. 


ispered. 
ма 


Leyed 
devout wishes for 


pie: he closed his hand on the two re- 
ng jacks and grinned at the little 
girls, who were watching him now with 


open hatred. aud said again. not schis- 
pering it this time, “I am going to win, 
my dears." 
“You are going to lose,” Belinda said 
flatly and coldly and unblinkingly 
“We'll see,” he said. "I'm for fivesies.” 
He dropped the jacks onto the table. 


He scooped up five and caught the ball. 
scooped up the remaining five and 
ири the ball again. 

"Sixies" he said. 

He went through sixies in a breeze, 
feeling stronger and more confident all 
the time. not even noticing Belinda or 
her friends anymore. his full and c 
plete concentre 
raced 


ion on the tabletop as he 


sev ad eight 


through 


nd ninesies and then paused (o c 
his breath. 
"Play 


Belinda said, 


he said. "If Y get 
win! 


is the last one, 


throu is one. Т 


The room went silent. 

He picked up the jacks. 1 must win, 
he told himself. 1 must win. He dropped 
the jacks onto the соор. Nine of them 


fell miraculously together in a small 
duster. The tenth jack rolled clear across 


the table, at least two feet away from the 
others, 
Too bad." Belinda said. "You give 
up? 
T can make it. 
Let's see vou." 
AML right.” 
The pile of nine first, he thought, then 
go lor the one and then cach the ball. 
. The one first. sweep it toward ihe 


Mullaney. said. 
she said. 


the Пас of my hand, 


ger pile, sit 
then scoop up all ten together and catch 
the 

No. 
ta 


minute 


Yes. that’s the only way to do it. 

“Here goes.” he said. 

“Bad luck,” the three girls said to 
gether, and he threw the ball imo the 
air. 

His hand seemed to move out so terr 
bly slowly. hitting the single lonely jack 
across the table and sweeping it toward 
the Karger pile, the ball was dropping so 


very quickly, he would never make it, 
the pile of ten was now beneath his 
grasping fingers, he closed his hand. his 
eyes swung over ro the dropping ball, he 


scooped up the jacks, the ball bounced, 
he slid across the 


and, without lilt fro 


his closed hand ble 


the wooden 


surface, flipped it over, оре 
gers, spread the hand wide, cıught the 
ball when 
ke felt the ball dipping from his grasp. 

No. he thought. no! 

He tightened his hand so suddenly 
and so fiercely that he thought he would 
break his fingers. He tightened it around 
the ball as though he were grasping for 
life itself. crushing the ball and the jacks 
into his palm. holding them securely, his 
hand in mid-air. and then slowly brin. 


ed the би. 


el was closing his hand ag; 


ing his clendied fist down onto the 
tabletop. 

“L win,” he said, without opening his 
hand. 


“You bastid,” Belinda said, and threw 
the shopping bag onto the tabletop. She 


rose from her tiny chair, tossed her da 
hair and walked swiftly out of the room. 
“You bastid." Frieda said. 


You bastid,” Hilda said, and they 
followed Belinda. out. 
He su exhausted. at the small table, 


his head hanging between his knees, his 
hand still clutched: tightly around the 
jacks and the rubber ball. At last, he 
ad and let the jacks spill 
ball 
con- 
the 


opened his h: 
table. 
to roll to the es 
floor, 
basement 
The room was very s 
He turned over the Judy Bond shop- 
ping bag and shook the black burial 
jacket onto the tabletop. He fingered the 
large buttons at the front and the smaller 
buttons on the sleeves, and then he 
picked up one of the jacks and moved it 
toward the center Пош button. Using 
the point of the jack, he scraped at the 
button. A peeling ribbon ol black lol 
lowed the tip of the pick. Flakes of black 
paint sprinkled onto the tabletop. He 
smiled and scratched at the burton more 
vigorously, thinking. There ше three 
buuous down the front of the jacket 
(cach about ten саваць, Grubel had said). 
ten, eleven and nine, in that order, 
scratching at the button, chippi y 
the paint; and there are four smaller but 
tons on cach sleeve, eight 
us cach; I am a rich man, Mulla 
thought, 1 am halla 
million dollars worth of diamonds. 

He had scraped all the paint off the 
middle button now. 

He grasped the bution between his 
thumb and forefinger, lifted it and the 
jacket to which it was fastened toward 
the hanging light bulb. It caught the in- 


lowed the rubber 
ge and fall to the 
bouncing away across 


crete 


g aw 


five to six 


n possession of 


candescent rays, rellected them back in a 
darling glitter, This must be the 1- 
carat beauty, he thought, irs slightly 


larger tham the other wo; 1 ich 
man, he thought, 1 am at Там a winner. 
Hand it over," the voice behind him 


am a 


said. 

He turned. 

K was standing in the doorway to the 
room. Mullaney had no intention of 
handing over the jacket, but it didn't 


К imme 
over to him and hit lı 
with the butt of a. revolver. 


rely walked 
m full in the face 


matter, becu: 


В: IRENE 


The sound of Furies howling in the 
|. Am I dreaming or am 
wondered. Voices 


cemetery be 
1 dead? 


Mullaney 
mumbling, K's and. McReady's, "should 


have killed hi 1 the 
coffin.” 

“L thought B 
closed. colli 
He did 
"Nor did 1 expect the cofin to be 
hijacked and opened. 

"You should have been more 


before we put him 


would suffocate in the 


eful,” 


here, or am J?” 


“Are you in chau 

"You are, 

“Then keep qui 

Mullaney dared not open his eyes, 
thinking. Were they in McReady’s cot- 
tage again? Proximity to cemeteries 
makes me somewhat ill, he thought, or 
perhaps is only getting hit on the head 
so often. 

“We wouldn't have to be doi 
Twice if we'd done it right the first 
McReady said, 

“We got the diamonds back,” K said, 
“so what dillerence does it make? 

“Well. lets make sure he’s dead this 
time. 

"Drag him over here, near the coffin.” 

Someone's hands clutched at his 
Мез. He felt the floor scraping be 
his shoulders and his back, he 
rasping sound of cloth catching at spl 
tered wood. They had not bound him, 
his hands and feet were free, he could 
still fight or yun. He wondered how K 
had located him in the basement room, 
and then remembered he had left ihe 
b sitting at the curb outside the build- 
ing: that had been a mistake, a terrible 
oversight: 1 have been making a lot of 
mistakes lately, he thought, and I am 
very tired. Kill me and put me in the 
goddamn coffin, get it over with. 

"Get the jacket" K said 


but 


ath 
d ihe 


“Were lucky the buttons are still on 
it," McReady said. 

“They're fastened securely. I 
hole drilled through the pavilion of each 
diamond” 

“The what?” 

The pavilion,” 
below the mountin 

“You could have cracked those stones, 
you know,” 

“An expert did the job.” 

"How much did you 
worth? 

“The three big ones are 
thousand dollars а ca 

“And the smaller ones?” 

“Five thousand a carat. 

“We'll have to shoot him in the back 
of the head” McReady said c 
tionally. “Otherwise itll show. 

"Yes K agreed. 

“Which is what we should have 

п the fist place.” 

^L told you 1 didn't know the coffin 
would be hijacked.” K said. 

“I still think we were careless.” 

“We were not careless. We 
Gouda to think we'd received. payment 
We wanted him to steal the counterfei 
money. We wanied him to think 
were innocently shipping half a million 
dollars in paper saaps to. Rome.” 

"Yes" MeReady said sourly, “the only 


worth nine 


wel 


done 


wanted 


we 


“I think it's marvelous youve chosen me 


lo swing in the other direction with.” 


167 


PLAYBOY 


168 


trouble is it didn't work. 
Jet's get the jacket on | 
Let's shoot him first. 
ther way, let's get it over with 

Well. how abou i? Mullaney 
thought, and would have made his move 
right then. but something was beg 
to bother him and he did not know quite 
what it was. You had better move, Mulia- 
ney, he told himself, you had better 
move now and fast and figure out what's 
bothering you later, because if you doi 
re going to be figuring it out in a 


K said. 


wick of the 


MeReady tugged at Mullaney's hands, 
g him up into a sitting position. 
He could hear K walking around behind 
him. With his eyes still closed, he felt 
something coll and hard against the 
back of his skull 

Watch the angle, now," McReady 
said. "Don't send the bullet through his 
l and into me.” 

The gun moved away from Mullan 
just an instant as K considered 
Je. In ih mı. Mullaney 
hands free of McReady's 
d swung, d in time 10 
ch K just as he was crouching, knock 
ug him back on his heels. There w 
silencer on the gun, he saw, making it 
› bur render none the 
les d They cam Lill me here i 
this cottage as easily as whisperis 
church, he thought cached for the 
ising. There was a short, pulling 
explosion, A window shattered across the 
room. He dutched at K's wrist, grasped 
it tightly in both hands and slammed КУ 
kuuckles against the floor, knocking ihe 
gun loose. He lunged for the gun. 
dling K as he did so, and il у 
siepped over and whirled to face 


СЕТИО 


пу. 


id 


both men. the gun level in his hand, 
t is now postime,” he sid, and 
rinnal. "Give me th 
The 


ket is ours 
Correct. Give it to 

“The diamonds are 
Ready sid. 
No, the diamonds belon 
firm on Fortyseventh St 
siid. and suddenly re: 
heen bothering him. The diamonds were 
neither theirs nor his. The diamonds had 
heen stolen, 

He frowned. “I . . " And hesitated, 
“L want that jacket,” he said. 

“Are you ready ло kill for it 
“Because that's what you'll have to do. 
You'll have I us both." 


me any 
too, 


ours 


K asked. 


iow. the gun 
in id was trembling. He 
could see the jacket draped loosely over 
MeReady’s arm, the middle button те 


painted black, an innocuouslooking 
burial garment that would be sent 10 
Rome in exchange for enough money to 


id one Arabian nights: 
. kill them both. You 
have done enough for possession of that. 
у. you have done enough over 
IL of it part of the gam- 
are а winner now. you are hold- 
gr hand at last, AAN th 
He could not squeeze the ir 


He stood facing them, know 
he did not want to lose yet another time 
but knowing he had already lost be 


he cou 


1 not squeeze the 
could not for the life of him comm 
аа 0 mble. 


but find. 


would finalize the 
“Keep the jacket,” he said, 
yourself another corpse." 
He felt like crying, but he did not 
want to сту in the preseuce of these 
ternational people with high connect 
in Rome and God knew whe 
not want them to realize he was truly 
loser. He backed toward the door of the 
e, keeping the gun mained on 
them, with one hand thrust behind him 
fumbling for the knob and opening the 
door, feeling the cemetery wind as it 
rushed into the room. 
Jiao.” he said, and went out of the 
ze. 


cort 


He threw the gun into a sewer outside 
the cemetery and then besan walking 


slowly. the fisi time he had walked 
slowly today, it seemed. slowly and 
у. hoping they would now follow 


and really nor Guing wherher € 
r not. He thought lis | 
had been a v 
id, losi 


he 
t showing 
at а spor tip of the 
hat, a wave of ah ino" and it 
was all over, Well. he thought, at least 
Irene will get a kick out of this, Irene 
will grin all over that Tish phiz of hers if 
she ever finds out her former husband 
has blown it all in litle more thaw 
she will certainly have a few 
laughs telling her new and doubtless 
winning suitors that her husband was a 
fool and a loser, 10 boot. 

He wondered again if she had ever 
told anyone that sometimes he was 
Tool. 

He we 


“Ciao.” 


гу good one 


n 


o a sidewalk phone booth 
on the corner, took a dime from his 
pocket and dialed Irenes number. She 
swered on the second ring. 

“Hello?” she sa 
“Hello.” he said, 


this is Andy 
ing, did 17 


1 didit. 


blew it all. Tene. B: 
bur 1 blew i all. 
my pocket after this 
s 


took me а ye: 
I've got te 
phone call, and t 


Um stonc-br 


fier that. though Eve got 10 tell. vo 
Imost had half a million dollars just a 
few minutes ago. 

Really, Andy?" she said. "Half а 


million? 


Yes 1 could have had it, Irene, | 
ly could have . . ." He stopped. 
"Irene" he sid, "P never came dose 


to having it 
The line went. silent. 

“Irene,” he said, "did you ever tell 
anybody about the time with the hai? 
No," she said. 
"Do you know which 
"Yes. of cour 
“Irene, did you ever tell anybody 1 
was a fool? 
“You're not a fool, And 
“I know I'm a fool, I know Ги 

No, Andy . . ." She paused. Her voice 
was very low when 
"Andy. you're a very nice perso 
said, “if only you would grow up." 
Take a gamble,” he said suddenly 
A gamble?” 

"On me.” 
She'll say 


o. he thought. She'll say no 
and HI walk off into the night with only 
а dime in my pocket, ten cents less than 
I started with this morning. Please don" 
say no, he thought. Irene. please do 
зау no. 
Irene?" 
"Yes 
Gamble." 

"Fm not a gambler, Andy." 

"Neither am 1" he said, and the line 
went silent again. For a moment, he 
thought she had hung up. He waited for 
her to speak ag wb then he said, 
"Listen . . . listen. you're not crying, are 
you! 

“Andy. Andy,” she said. 

Should 1 come there? Say yes, Irene.” 

She did not answer. 

Irene? Say yes. Ple 

He heard her sigh. 

"Yes," she said. "Fm crazy 

T love yc 
AML right 
Ги be there 
a minute, bec 
Ir may take some time 


she said. 
"Time we have 
“But hurry. she said, and 


hung up. 
He put the phone back onto the hook 
al sat unmoving in the booth. feeling 
the April breeze th 
doors, watching the eddvii 
scraps on the floor. He sit th 
long time, with the paper ser 
» his feet, and he thought 
gamble he had taken and lost, a 
sill wanted to And 


t swept through the 
s paper 


then he 


wee 


aps. and he simply nodded and rose 
st. and went out of the booth and 


began walking back to Manhattan 


"his is the second and concluding part 
of “A Hoses Head" by Evan Hunter. 


— 
i 


š 8 


= 
zi 


aut 
a 
MESES 
Ben 


ls 
-H 
Ги 
imal 


“By the looks of things, it isn't going to be easy to 


tell which are the rich ones. 


169 


PLATBOT 


170 


Юіраећег (огли from page 76) 


I feel?” the 
] gave up a 
practice in 


"How do you thin 
medical officer. shouted. 
forty-thousand-dollar-a-year 
Newark for this crap! Next!" 

The big man in denim walked to the 
desk. He was rubbing his fists. 

Vhars your problem?” the officer 
asked. 

None of ya friggin’ business” the 
man said. “I done doody already. Five 

Ma 
jerks do wi 


s combat engineers. Whe 
you 


delbaum? Whavd 
him? 

Figler moved to 
language, solje 
"You call me soljer oncet more, yer 
ass’ be suckin’ win 

"TII handle this, 
officer got up. His mustache bristled. 
Il right, you, what's vour outfit 
ain't tellin’ you nothin’, Pill roller. 

“You'll regret this,” the officer said. He 
was trembling. 

"Chancre mechanic.” 

“Figler— 

“Clap surgeon, Go run a pro station.” 

Seething, the officer began dialing, 
"TI throw the book at you!” he yelled. 
“You'll be up for a general court-martial! 
Hello, hello—get me the military police!” 

The rugged man yanked the phone 


“Watch yer 


from his hand and shoved the officer 
roughly. Sergeant Figler hurled himself 
at the man’s back. Then the rear door of 
the office opened and Dr. Mandelbaum 
walked in, At that time, the doctor was 
in his 60s, but he was still as strong and 
fit as when he was on the USC 
wrestling team. 

"What the hell is th Dr. Mandel- 
baum shouted. His weeping nurse tried 


utenant retreated to a corner of 
om. The big man, seeing Dr. Man- 


ım, stopped his lunge at the 
ollicer. 

"Now, then, Mandelbaum,” the medi- 

cal officer snapped, “we've a file on you. 


‘This mission will help all of us, including 
you, yourself, We are here in the national 
interest. That man threatened me and 


I'm having him brought up on charges of 
insubordination!” He was slightly hysteri- 


cal. He was not carrying out 
ment as well as my dispatcher hı 

"What are you talking 
Mandelbaum yelled. "Who 
bust into my office and abuse my 
patients? "That's Al Zawatrkis. He's been 
my patient for years. I delivered hi 
He's never welshed on a bill in his life 

"Then you ane prejudiced in 


his 


y police, a vou сапт pet 
them, T'I talk to the Defense Depart- 
ment, office called M. A. C, Е. p 

Dr. Mandelbaum grabbed him by his 
shoulder straps and shook him as if he 
were a rag doll. The lieutenant screamed 
for help. Figler tried to pry Doc Mandel- 
baum loose, but big Zawatzkis thu 
dered at him. It was no contest. He 
plucked Sergeant Figler from Doc and 
threw him against a filing cabinet. 
While Figler lay there stunned, Z: 
wavkis tried to untangle the two phys 
cians. I have to give credit to the Anny 
officer; he was tenacious and brave. He 
dung to Mandelbaum, wheezing 
ng and protesting that we were 
iors, but he was no match for Zi 
wkis. The medical ollicer sprawled on 
the Xray table, then got a second wind 
and е at Zawatzkis, who smashed a 
jug of green soap over his head. 

"The Пеше 
broke clean. 


The medic w: 
merely bruised and coated with the vis- 
cous fluid. "Get him out,” Doc Mandel 
baum said. I gave Zawatzkis a hand. We 
picked up the semiconscious officer and 
carted him out. 
“He slipped!” I said loudly. “I saw itl 
He slipped on the floor! 
Dr. Mandelbaum helped Sergeant Fig- 
ler to his feet and escorted him to the 
front door 
iel," he . "What is 
this nonsense? Go get a job instead of 
being a bum in the Army all your life.” 
three of us—Doc, Z 
myself—stood on the sidewalk as Е 
crying softly, drove off in the jeep with 
his superior. Then we went 
office, where Doc took care of u 
usual considerate manner. 
That evening at the dinner tı 
kept my thoughts to myself, 
dropped. dow 


able, 1 
'sposito 
to pick up his dinner, 
greeted us sullenly and retreated to his 
sanctuary. We rarely saw him anymore. 


He had long stopped bothei 
car keys or uip tickets. 

“I wish that wamp would go," my 
father said. It was exactly onc week 
that Salvatore had been with us. "And I 
wish I knew why he's her 

“He both yone,” my 
mother said. “And he is never behind 
with the six dollars a day. 
“Who needs it?" my father grumbled. 
“He keeps the room clean,” my 
mother sud defensively. "His personal 
appe isn't much, but the bed 
is always made, 

"Bed," my father said. “Did you tell 
Frank what happened at the hotel in La 
Jolla yesterday? 

ou mean the tennis match?” 

"No, no. That business with the beds, 
You know, what we saw when we were 
down to the pool.” 


ng us for 


doesn't 


“What happened?” T asked. 
My father stirred his coffee. “It was 
either a practical joke or else they were 


rehearsing for a movie or somethi 
Maybe a publicity gimmick for a movie. 


That old hotel has been used a lot for 
locations.” 

anis, you 
and he said no." 


sked the manager that 


“Yeah, But if it wasn't a movie stunt, 
what was it” 

My father shook his head. 

"But what, exactly, happened?" I 
asked. 


"Your mother © on our way 
down to the pool, when we passed this 
h the door open. There was a 
ad 1 peeked 
There were five people in the room—a 
ple. a chambermaid and thi 
Army officer and a sergeant. One with 
all thow stripes up and down. 

“First sergeant.” I said. My 
were sw a stone was growing 
stomacl 


room wi 


hands 
п my 


ng—whatever that is—gigsing the 
because the beds жегет 
th hospital corners." 

"It was very stra my mother said, 
"Like a silly motion picture, as Daddy 
says. 

“This sergeant tried. bouncing а dime 
off the bedspread few times, but it 
wouldn't bounce, and this got the cap- 
tain sore. He also had white gloves on 
nd I saw a run his finger through the 
Closet shelves. 

"Didn't the guests objec? 

"They were scared," s 
think they were honeymooners 
figured somebody was kidding them. 
The guy kept saving the chambermaid 
had made the bed and the officer kept 
We want results, not excuses, 
s Army!’ Probably be a funny 
story in the papers about it. 

I wondered, would it be a funny story 
like the lying account of the baseball 
game at Sandoval? How would they 
handle inspection? As a cheerful course 
in modern hotelkeepiny 

The last incident in this sequence of 
is—that is. the last up to my current 
ng on a Table of Organizalion as a 
first licutenant—took. place the next day. 

Unhearing, 1 sat through mom 
classes and decided to spend. the alter. 
noon in the library. In the interests of 
economy, I had been driving home for 
lunch (we live a few minutes from the 
Westwood Gimpus), but on this day I 
t to the school cafeteria, I arrived а 
moment after it had reopened for lunch 
and was greeted by an odd tabh 

The five colored ladies who manned 
the counter were clearly upset. They 
were huddled away from the steaming 
food vats. The manager, a Mr. Sam- 
martino, as I recall, was in front of 
the counter, gesticulating and appealing 
to— Need 1 go on? 


I asked. 
my father 


eve 


w 


“You know what your trouble is, 
Kosgriff? You think small!” 


Looming bel 
bins of tuna-fish timbale, chicken 
noodles, breaded veal cutet and eggplant 
parmesan was one of the fauest men I 
have ever seen. He wore a filthy, 
stained fatigue suit with sergeants 
siripes stencilad on the sleeves. On his 
green fatigue cap. the brim 
upturned and stenciled with the name 
телах, He brandished two enormous tools 
ad an ogre's ladle—and 
мо the food. À 
re. he w 

I needed no 


—a devil's for 
he sweat gallons 


contestably 
mimeographed orders to tell me so. 


mess sergeant 


some and git it. fo" I throw it to the 


pigs!” he bellowed. “Yeah, hot today, hot 
today! 
He had an underling, 2 short, I 


bustled 


dirty fatigues. who 
through the kitchen doors. 
pot of some appalling 


lugging а 
nk 


ady wit а baby!” yelled the s 
man, “Hot stuff comin’ thro 
Thats n 1” the mess serg 


“Li'l ole Hemsley. Hemsley 
good ole boy. Look lik Hemsley brewed 
himself a mess of good ole $.0.S.! Shit on 
a shingle! Wahoo! Give us a ole rebel 
yell. Hemsley.” 
Hemsley obliged. 
with the sound Negro 
retreated even back. Опе, 
bespectacled woman of great dignity. 
Мей to Mr. 
If this a fraternity prank. Mr. S.” she 
it gone far enough. The girls is fed 


The 
The 
rt her 


air shivered 


dies 


manager paced feverishly. "But 
they said they had orders! They gave me 
this!” Mr. Sammartino waved а mimeo- 


graphed sheet of paper. By now a queue 
of hungry students had formed in back 
of me. Most of them were amused by the 
insanity behind the steam table, asum- 
ing, as did the woman, that it was some 
form of underyi 
The mes 
stabbed at a gray sparerib, snilled 
the okra soup. “Ole Hemsley. He a good 
ole boy. Hemsley. 
back there, so's we G 
kees how rebels eat?” 
“I wouldn't be for 
look.” 
“Well. be for looki 
Hemsley vanished into the kitchen, 
ng empty pots. I took a clean tray 
rted down the line, as if drawn to 
some rendezvous with fate. The colored 
girls shrank away. The huge sergeant 
seemed to fill up all the space behind the 
counter, 


ot some grits 
show the Yan- 


nowin', but ГЇ 


He eyed me with contempt. “Y'all got 


carly chow р 
Мус," 


1 siammered. "Company and 
quarters. What's for chow, 


A grin widened his pulpy face. He 
was in control. He had me. "Fly shit ^n 
brown. peppe 

“That's OK.” 1 said hoarsely. “So long 
as it ain't the same as what we had 
yesterday.” 


Chuckling, he began to N 
тау. А glop of mashed potatoes landed 
in the middle. Two slices of bread 
next and were promptly buried beneath 
the horrid S.O.S. A brownish mixture 
of vegetables was hurled, s 
empty spaces of the tra 
leaves of lettuce were 
brown ooze: a rubbery veal cutlet came 
to rest in the S.O.S. There re 


ad up my 


171 


PLAYBOY 


172 


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two square inches of inviolate mashed 
potatoes. The sergeant grinned at the 
tray. "Looks like we kinda missed a spot, 
right, buddy boy?” I said nothing. 1 knew 
what was coming. He ladled out a yellow 
ig peach, swimming in syrup like the 
inside of a roc’s egg. Leaning over the 
counter, he deftly set the peach half in 
the midst of the potatoes, drown: 
everything else in the swect juice. 

"Now vou all set," he beamed. 

The blood roared to my skull. I 
breathed deeply, glanced at the wailing 
manager and lifted the tray high. as if 
sacrificing it to а god unknown. Then I 
hurled it at the fat sergeant. He took the 
blow—stunned, soaked, steaming—a great 
abstract work of food. I fled to cheers 
and laughter 

Upon returning home, I went to the 
spare room. Corporal Salvatore Esposito 
was sacked out, reading Famous Funnies. 

“Get going, Sal id. "I am 
throwing you out. 

“I don't go unless ya got orders for 
me. 

No, no, you must leave. And you tell 
your superiors you were thrown out, th 
we didn’t want you and shouldn't have 
let you stay. The only reason you stayed 
so long was because of a delay in 
policy.” 

He sat up in bed. "I ain't goin’ and 
you know it” 

I walked to my father's golf bag a 
pulled out the driver. “Pack, soldier. I 
could handle you without this, but I 
want to make sure you leave in a hurry. 
J whipped the air a few times. 

He struggled out of bed, a stumpy 
troll in droopy khaki drawers and socks. 
“Jeez Din't think you was dat kind of 
guy.” He dressed hastily, slung the bag 
over his shoulder and asked if he could 
make a telephone call. I permitted him 
to. He dialed swiftly, identified himself 
and asked that a jeep meet him at the 
corner, on Olympic Boulevard. I gave 
him his trip tickets, the carbon papers 
ıd the pencil, which he had carelessly 
left on the table. I wanted all traces of 
him obliterated. We walked to the street 
corner. Salvatore squatted on his sack. 

"Who sent you here, Salvatore?" I 
asked. 

I dunno. I git assigned, I go." 

“What is M.A. C. E?" 

“I dunno. All I know is someone's gon- 
па get chewed out for throwin’ me out” 
He glowered at me, but it was a mean- 


моге," I s 


d 


An open jeep. driven by а young 
second lieutenant, pulled up to us. 
2" he asked. 
Salvatore didn't salute. F 
tossed his bag in the rear of the jeep and 
dimbed in. 

“Orders come through 
transferred.” 

“They did not" I shouted. “He was 
not transferred! 1 threw him out! Why 


, Spasita, You 


was he sent to me, anyway? [ never 
wanted him!” 

The shavetail studied me innocently. 
“Beats me, mistah. We git orders and 
folla them.” 

“AIL set, Spasit 
engine. 


He gunned the 


“Just a minute," I said. “I demand 
an explanation. What does M. A.C. E. 
mean?" 

"Never heard of it” And the jeep 
drove ой 


"Remember what I said, Salvatore!” J 
shouted after them. “Z threw jou out! 
You tell them!" 

Did I imagine it? Or did my dark dis 
patcher turn and answer my hyste 
request with a nod of his head, a wink? 


Today I sit in my airconditioned 
office and think about my new job. Who 
decided I was first lieutenant? I have 
discharge papers at home showing that 1 
was released from military service “for 
the convenience of the Government" 
some years ago. When was I commis- 
sioned? By whose authority? 

I stopped Carter at the water cooler 
late this afternoon. My arm did not rise 
in salute, but he gauged the confusion 
on my face. 

“I saw the T/O,” 1 sa 
you Mr. or Colonel? 

"It doesn’t matter, Dugan,” he said 
pleasantly. “One way or the other. We 
don’t stand on ceremony in this outfit.” 

"But what аге w 

He smiled. “Little bit of everything, 
you might say. You'll get used to it.” 

We walked down the corridor to- 
gether. 1 glanced at his shocs—highly 
polished mahogany-brown officer's pumps 
with а strap instead of laces. They say to 
me: PX 

"Colonel, did you ever hear of an 
outfit called M. A.C.E? Just after the 
w 


id. "Am I to call 


1. A. C. E? Yes, I remember it. It was 
obsoleted a long time ago. We tried 
out briclly. A pilot project, a really prim 
tive onc. We were just sort of fiddling 
around in those day 

“What did the leners st 
and Civilian 
icrious 
Tt was abandoned 


Naturally. We've got more sophisti- 


cated systems today. Data programin, 
circuitry. The whole operation is compu- 
terized. I must say, somebody in Washing- 
ton is doing a marvelous job. M. A. C. Е.! 
My goodness, E haven't thought about 
that old onc-horse operation in ye. 

He entered his office. I could hear 
people snapping to attention inside. 

My nylon shirt is drenched; my knees 
are water. How did it happen? How in 
heaven's name did I get here? I curse 
iporal Salvatore Esposito, my late d 
patcher. He never told them that 1 threw 
him out. I am certain of that. 


ICE& EASY (continued from page 


demitasse as a highball, and has the 
uncanny ability to almost instantly 
counteract the dehydrating effects of 
long summer's game, a drive or a swim. 
There was a time when rocks were 
really rocky, when a bartender 
with an ice pick hacked away 
block of ice until it eventually disap- 
peared. Оп a summer's day you'd ask for 
a gin rickey and it would come to you 
with one or two tottering crags of ice. It 
looked cool but it couldn't possibly 
stand up to a contemporary gin rickey, 
because of a simple undisputed fact: Ice 
is now much colder than it once was. 
Frozen water may be 32? F. ог. just as 
possibly these days, —82 F. Most of the 
cubes in the present ice age range from. 
zero 10 —10°, Needless 10 ж lor fast 
cooler-olfers, the colder the ice, the bet- 
ter. Crushed ice or cracked ice is chill 
in a bar glass than the cubed variety, 
because more cooling ice surface comes 
h the drink, 


nto intimate contact wi 

A few summer drinks are squat rather 
than tall. but these, too, are carefully 
built on good icemanship. A cold bour- 
bon toddy, for instance, is made with а 
hefty jigger of bourbon, a tentative spray 
of sugar. a miserly spoonful of water to 
dissolve the sugar, a big insolent ice 
cube and an optional twist of lemon. 
Both the bourbon and the old fashioned 
glass in which it’s conveyed should be 
prechilled so that the drink’s frosty flavor 
is as undiluted ay possible. There are 
other iced drinks that do the honors in 
the opposite way, such as the frozen da 
- For all practical purposes, it’s а 

yum, sugar and lime juice 
Like a comforting thick soup in the w 
ter, it's both prandial and potable. А per- 
fectionist among daiquiri men will insist 
that the ice in his completed drink be 
neither chips nor mere slush but just fine 
enough to go through the holes of a 
coarse metal sieve. 

The number of muscle-powered as 
well as plug-in ice crushers seems to 
have kept pace with the population 
explosion. There are ice crushers, used as 
blender attachments that can reduce a 


" 


tray of ice cubes to crushed ice or snow 
ice in 20 to 30 seconds. Even simple ice 
trays are now designed not only for 
cubes but for ice slices, 38 to a tray, and 


perhaps most useful of all, for cracked 
ice. Lacking this equipment, 
needn't find the technique for cracking 
or crushing ice too difficult. Simply place 
the ice cubes in a canvas bag designed 
for this purpose or in a large dean kitch- 
en towel (wrap the towel around the ice 
so that there is a double thickness of 
cloth); on a carving board, bang the bag 
or towel with a mallet or the smooth side 
of a meat tenderizer. Keep your banging 
somewhat restrained if you want fai 
sized pieces of cracked ice; for crushed 
ice, whack away with abandon. 


102) 


Every mateur or рю 
should insist that his ice be clean, hard 
and dry, and should make each drink or 
batch of drinks with fresh ice. Hoard 
your ice in the freezing section of your 
refrigerator until you actually need it. 
Use ice buckets with vacuum sides and 
lids; plastic foam ice tubs are convenient 
for throwaway service, When you empty 


barman- 


your ice trays, don't run water over 
them, unless absolutely necessary to 
spring the ice free. Running water 


causes them to eventually stick together 
after they're. put into the bucket, Most 
new ice trays, especially those with no- 
stick surfaces, discharge their cargo with 
a single swift yank. There are refrigera- 
tors that not only make ice cubes auto- 
matically but turn them out 
them night and day—a 

thought when one is party-p 
the water in your fiefdom is heavily dilo- 
мей, use bottled spring water for 


Finally, as a host, be the most prodi 
gal of icemen, If you're gambling on the 

t you may just possibly get by 
two buckets of ice at a summer 
don't gamble. Provide at least 


fling, 
three or four bucketfuls for supercooling 


your crowd. If your icemaking equip- 
ment is somewhat limited, find out be- 
fore your rumpus takes place just where 
you can buy or borrow additional i 

In the summertime, glasw 
most as much as liquor and ice—helps 
create what Fielding called the “ 
sal grin." To chill glasses, either bury 
them in cracked ice for a minute or two 
before pouring your drinks or use the 
instant icer, also known as the glass chill- 
er. This is the device that sprays a vapor 
on the glass and causes it to turn frosty 
white. The frosty white film lasts only 
for a minute or two, although the glass 
docs stay icy cold to the touch. To frost 
glasses more heavily, dip them in water, 
and while they're still dripping, place 
them in the freezer section of your 


“Oops! Damn! I'm afraid it won't be a 
friendly village much longer.” 


173 


PLAYBOY 


refrigerator, set at its coldest point, for 
two or three hours. To sugar-frost the 
rims of glasses, first of all make sure that 
you have superfine sugar—not the regu- 
lw granulated and not confectioners’, 
The rim of each glass, inside and our 
side, should be moistened to a depth of 
about 1⁄4 in. before dipping into sugar, 
Here are four easy approaches to the ri 
rite: (1) Rub rim with small wedge of 
lemon or orange; invert glass to shake olf 
extra juice; dip into sugar. (2) Rub rim 
with lemon or orange peel, using outside 
of peel; dip into sugar. (3) Rub rim light 
ly with grenadine, falernum or any other 
syrup, or rub with any liqueur; dip into 
sugar. (4) Rub rim with coffee liqueur, 
dip into а mixune of 3 teaspoons su- 
perfine sugar mixed well with 1 teaspoon 
powdered instant coffee. The contents of 
sugarfrosted glasses should be sipped 
without benefit of straw. 

The well-known technique of fighting 
fire with fire works even better with ice. 
When newcomers meet, the best way to 
cut through the frozen surface is to ma 
a dash for your ice vault and then take 
the shortest possible route to your liq- 


uor cabinet. The following 12 icebreak- 
ers will pleasurably demonstrate our 
thesis. 


DERBY DAIQI 


114 ozs. light rum 

1⁄4 ог. fresh lime juice 

] oz. fresh orange juice 

% ог. simple syrup 

% cup finely crushed ice 

Put all ingredients in blender. M 
seconds at high speed. Pour into бог. 
saucer champagne glass or outsize cock- 
ail glas. To make simple syrup, add 1 
cup granulated sugar to 1 cup boiling 
water, Simmer for an additional minute 
and a half, Cool syrup to room tempera- 
ture before using. 


FROZEN BANANA DAIQUIRI 


Use 34 oz. true fruit banana liqueur 
instead of simple syrup in previous recip 


CARIBBEAN. SLING 


2 os. light rum 

1⁄4 oz. fresh. lime jı 

Va oz. fresh lemon jı 

Ya oz. triple sec 

1 teaspoon sugar 

4 ozs. dub soda 

1 piece cucumber rind, 1⁄4 

4 ins. long 

Put rum, lime juice, lemon juice, triple 
sec and sugar into tall 16-02. glass. Stir 
well until si dissolves. Add club 


n. wide, 


soda. Fill glass with coarsely cracked ice. 
cucumber 


Stir lightly, Garnish with 


rind. 


оиго COOLER 


Sugarfrost rim of 
rubbing rim lightly with o 


174 dipping it into sugar, Fill glass with 


ice slices or coarsely cracked ice (not 
crushed ice). Add 2 ozs. owo. Stir well. 
Ice will melt slightly. Add more ice to fill 
glass to rim and stir again. French pastis 
ог American Abisante may be usd in 
place of ouo if desired. 


BARBADOS PLANTERS PUNCH 


Ya ozs. golden rum 
4 or. heavy dark rum 

1 oz. fresh lime juice 

2 tea ar 

3 dashes angostura bitters 

Nutmeg 

1 slice lime 

Put both kinds of rum, lime juice, 
sugar and bitters into tall 12-02. glass. St 
well until sugar is dissolved. Fill glass to 
rim with coarsely cracked ice. Stir again 
Sprinkle with freshly grated nutmeg. 
Garnish with slice of lime. 


BOURRON AND M 


DERA JULEP 

114 ozs. bourbon 

пд ољ mad 

14 or. fresh lemon juice 

1 pineapple cocktail stick 

3 sprigs mint 

Fill double old fashioned glass with 
coarsely cracked ice. Add bourbon, ma- 
deira and lemon juice. Sür well. Add 
more ice, if necessary, to fill glass to rim. 
Garnish with. pineapple stick and mint. 
Amontillado sherry may be substituted 
for madeira. 


мос 


А MEDLEY 

1 ox. colice liqueur 

14 oz. white crème de menthe 

14 oz. crème de cacao 

1⁄4 oz. triple sec 

Sugarfrost rim of 6-07. saucer cham. 
pagne glass, using coflee-suga 
previously described. Fill glass with 
finely crushed ice or snow ice. Add liq- 
vor. Serve with short straw. Individual 
mocha medleys may be made before- 
hand and stored in freezing section of 
refrigerator until needed. In time, the ice 
will form a solid cap on top of each drink 
and liquor will settle to bottom. Omit 
straw. A minute or two after drinks are 
removed from freezer, ice cap will loosen 
nd liquor may be easily sipped [rom 
rim. 


ixture 


KHENISH. RASPBERRY 

14 cup frozen raspberries in syrup, 
thawed 

1 or. vodka 


1⁄4 cup Rhine wine 
11⁄4 teaspoons red currant syrup ог 

grenading 
1⁄4 oz. fresh lemon juice 
1⁄4 cup coarsely cracked ice 
2 ors. club soda 


Put raspberries with their syrup. vod- 


ka, Rhine wine, red 
juice and ice in bl 
speed for 10 seconds. Pou 


arrant syrup, lemon 
nder. Spin at high 
nto tall 


Add club soda. Add icc cubes 
haly. 


16-oz. glas 
until glass is filled to brim. Stir li 


ALMOND COBBLER 
11⁄4 ors. gin 
2 ozs. fresh orange juice 
1 oz. fresh lemon juice 
1 teaspoon orgeat or orzata (almond 
ip) 
teaspoon sugar 
ors. club soda 
slice orange 
tablespoon. sliced 
Pour gin, orange j 
and orgeat into tall 1207. glas. Add 
sugar and stir until dissolved. Add club 
. Fill to brim with coarsely cracked 
ice. Stir lightly. Garnish with slice of 
orange and sprinkle with almonds. (Al 
monds may be oven-toasted, if desired. 
Place shallow pan, sprinkle 
lightly with melted butter and bake in 
nodcrate oven 10 to 12 minutes or until 
aedium stirring occasionally 
Sprinkle lightly with salt. Cool before 
adding to drink.) 


سورس 


1monds 
e, lemon juice 


them in 


brown, 


BRANDY CASSIS 


1 oz. California brandy 

1⁄4 or. creme de cassis 

М, or. fresh lime juice 

1 slice lime 

1 brandied cherry or maraschino cherry 
Pour brandy, crème de cassis and lime 


juice into 8.07. old fashioned glass. Fill 
glass with ice slices or comsely cracked 
ice. Stir well. Garnish with slice of lime 


and cherry 


GRAPEFRUIT AND HONEY COOLER 


ors. blended whiskey 

ors. unsweetened grapefruit juice 

oz. honey 

dashes orange bitters 

cocktail orange slice in syrup 
Pour whiskey, grapefruit juice, honey 

and bitters into blender. Mix at high 

speed for 10 seconds. Pour into tall 12-07. 

glass Fill glass with coarsely cracked 


юл 


ісе. Stir. Garnish with cocktail orange 
slice. 
GIN AND GINGER 
1 
1 oz. ginger brandy 
oz. lemon juice 
teaspoon sugar 
er ale 


slice lemon 
small chunk preserved. ginger 
syrup 
Put gin, ginger brandy. lemon juice 
and sugar into tall 12-07. glass. Stir well 
until sugar dissolves. Add ginger beer. 


1 
4 oz. ginger beer or gi 
1 
1 


Add coarsely cracked ice to fill glass. Stir 
lightly. Garnish with lemon slice and 
preserved ginger. 

And thus, with a spate of coolly con- 


structed libations, the ic 


n swi 


прет. 


as 


" 
Al 


> ШРЫ À 


REMEMBER 
THAT ROMANTIC 
SPOT OVER 


TAM GOING 


DIRECTLY 


CAN | FORGET, 
MON AMI? 
THAT IG WHERE 
WE KILLED 
OUR FIRST 
AMERICAN 


ROMANCE, AND LOTS OF KISSING IN THE 
STREETS! WHERE, FOR THE PRICE OF A SMALL 
GLASS OF PERNOD, ONE CAN SIT ат а SIDEWALK 
CAFE ON THE RUF DE LA PAIX AND WATCH THE 
CARS CRASH BY. WHERE THERE IS STILL HEARD 
THE ETERNAL RALLYING CRY OF THE PROUD 
FARISIAN, "AU SECOURS? J'Al ETE RAPE PAR 
UNE VOITURE!® (“HELP! IVE BEEN RUN OVER!) 


Ў OH, MK 
BATTEARTON, 
S) ISN'T PARIS. 
Too MUCH? 
J +1 ARRIVED 
HERE THIS 
MORNING WITH 
MY TRAVEL-TOUR 
GROUP, ВИТ l 
LOST THEM WHILE 
RUNNING THROUGH 
THE LOUVRE. 
RIGHT NOW 
THEY'RE 
EITHER IN 
COPENHAGEN 
OR ADDIS ABABA 


M HUCKSTER 
SENT ME 
HERE TO 
НУРО THE 
FOREIGN 

BLIVIT 

CAMPAIGN. 

FASCINATING 

CITY = PARIS. 

TOO BAD, 
THOUGH, 
THAT THEIR 
MORALS ARE 
SO LOOSE 
HERE! ALL 
THAT KISSING 
IN THE STREETS. 
*- WOULD YOU 


175 


PLAYBOY 


wouto vou ЕЕ ЧЕТ? NI. ves! ves! 
AND YET THIS CITY Has A NY = DRUGSTORES LE 
FANTASTIC SOMETHING * А AAMBURGER PLACE ^ 
LOOK THAT YOU CAN'T FIND dl 4E HOT DOG STANO! 
Ë, ANYWHERE ELSE — 4 = ALL 50 UNUSUAL. 
- ) y 
i 


M'SIEUR / 
1TKUST YOu WILL NOT 
FORGET THE MAITRE DE. 


M'SIEUR 1 1 TRUST. 
YOU WILL NOT FORGET 
THE WAITER. 


COME! LET'S 
SEGUE OVER TO THE 
EXPRESS OFFICE: MUST 

CASH TRAVELER'S 


i es 
ааа. 


pl zn 


W'IMBECILE ! Y 


BECAUSE ! 


BELIEVE | HAD TO DODGE 


IT WAS A 


BREAD. IT WAS 
YOUR FAULT! 
3—3 


м. 


YES, THE FRENCH 
ARE FANTASTICALLY 
GOOD-LOOKING >~ 
BUT WHY 00 THEY 
HAVE TO KEEP KISSING 
IN THE STREETS Z 


GO HELP RUN THE CANDY 
TORE BACK HOME IN 
GRAND RAPIDS. 


У?” WOULD HAVE LOOK! HAVE THESE PEOPLE 
© {Ы TIPPED THE SHOESHINE NO SENSE OF SHAME ? KISSING 
BOY MORE IF HED | IN PUBLICILIKE THAT 2 AFTER 
KF ALL, WHO WANTS TO LOOK? 4 


YOU'D BETTER LOOK AT THE NN 


CARS! THEY DRIVE ON THE SIOE- 
! -= LOOK 


3 AT MEALTIME 
EVERYONE CARRIES HOME 
FRESH FRENCH BREAD. 


“LOOK! LOOK! THEY 
EVEN KISS IN THE STREETS 
G 


LOOK AT, 7 ALLEZ 4 YOU ARE DISTURBING 


RENE YOU BAD, BAD BOY! YOU'VE 


HARDLY TOUCHED YOUR WINE. ORINK THAT! THE PEACE . VOU ARE NOT KISSING 
COMME UN BON BEBE. DON'T YOU KISSING IN \WECUT |a EACH OTHER IN THE STREETS. 
WANT TO GROW UP TO BE A SMALL THE STREET | THOUGH [> 
MAN LIKE YOUR PAPA 2 WHILE BEING J THE MAIS MONSIEUR, THERE 9 Ж 
RUN OVER! Д ARE MITIGATING CigcuM il 


STANCES ! | HAVE A COLO. 

(f ano 1 nave cuarrco “ч 

LIPS -ANO WE ARE TOTAL. M 
STRANGERS. 5 


AND OVER THERE! N 
ICANT STAND IT! 
ALL THIS VULGAR 
CARRYING ON 
IN PUBLIC- 


уе K WHO's 
ABOUT THE FRENCH 7 Y STREETS? pM "m 


A KISSING IN THE 
STREETS ! 


177 


PLAYBOY 


178 


PLAYBOY 
READER SERVICE 


Write to Janet Pilgrim for the an- 
swers to your shopping questions. 
She will provide you with the name 
of a retail store in or near your city 
where you can buy any of the spe- 
cialized items advertised or edito- 
tially featured in PLAYBOY. For 
example, where-to-buy information is 
available for the merchandise of the 
advertisers in this issue listed below. 


Bauer Cameras .. 


Harley-Davidson. N 
Mr. Hicks Slacks 
HLS. "Jacks" 
Jerry Shore Sportswear 
Sunbeam Ашо 
Winthrop Shoes . 


Wrangler Jeans . 
Mr, Wrangler Sportswear 


Use thee lines for information about 
other featured merchandise. 


Miss Pilgrim will be happy to answer 
any of your other questions on fash- 
ion, travel, food and drink, hi-fi, etc. 
If your question involves items you 
saw in PLAYBOY, please specify page 
number and issue of the magazine as 
well as a brief description of the items 
when you write. 


PLAYBOY READER SERVICE 


Playboy Building, 919 N. Michigan Ave. 
Chicago. Illinois 60611 


PLAYBOY 


D 3 уг for 320 (Save 510.00) 
O 1 yr. for 38 (Save 2.00) 
О payment enclosed — [7] bil later 


TO: 
name 
address 


ау state zip code no. 


Mail to PLAYBOY 


Playboy Building, 919 N. Michigan Ave. 
Chicago, Illinois 60611 
мою 


NEXT MONTH: 


BIG LEAGUER. 


" tke 
PIGSKIN PREVIEW 


“THE WATTS WORKSHOP"—HOW CREATIVITY AND HOPE HAVE 
RISEN FROM THE ASHES OF THE-BELEAGUERED BLACK SLUM—BY 
THE WORKSHOP'S FOUNDER AND MENTOR, BUDD SCHULBERG 


“THE COURTSHIP"—A DESTITUTE COUNTESS AND A CRUDE 
LITTLE DOCTOR FROM WARSAW ARE THE UNLIKELY ROMANTIC 
DUO IN A SARDONIC TALE—BY ISAAC BASHEVIS SINGER 


MAYOR JOHN LINDSAY CF NEW YORK SPEAKS WITH FORTH- 
RIGHT CANDOR ON HIS PLANS FOR FUN CITY, HIS FUTURE IN 
POLITICS AND THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, ADAM CLAYTON POWELL 
AND THE KENNEDYS IN AN EXCLUSIVE PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


“THE TRIP"—A STARTLING PICTORIAL ON THE MIND-BENDING 
MOVIE STARRING SUSAN STRASBERG AND PETER FONDA 


“A SMALL BUFFET IN MALDITA"—AN EXPATRIATE WRITER 
SEEKS A KINDRED SPIRIT AT A HYPERSOPHISTICATED REVEL 
AND FINDS IT IN A SAD-EYED YOUNG GIRL—BY HARRY BROWN 


“YOUTH: THE OPPRESSED MAJORITY"—APPRAISING THE 
STULTIFYING STRICTURES IMPOSED ON THE DENIGRATED, DIS- 
ENFRANCHISED UNDER-25 GENERATION—BY NAT HENTOFF 


“BIG LEAGUER"—A LUSCIOUSLY REVEALING PICTORIAL ON 
COED MARA SYKES, AN ACTIVE AND ATTRACTIVE MEMBER OF 
BERKELEY'S SEXUAL FREEDOM LEAGUE 


“PLAYBOY'S PIGSKIN PREVIEW'—PRE-SEASON PICKS FOR 
THE TOP COLLEGE TEAMS AND PLAYERS—BY ANSON MOUNT 


“BACK TO CAMPUS"—CLASSIC REVIVALS AND NEW DIREC- 
TIONS IN ATTIRE FOR THE UPCOMING ACADEMIC YEAR—BY 
PLAYBOY FASHION DIRECTOR ROBERT L. GREEN 


“TESTIMONY IN THE PROCEEDINGS CONCERNING ED- 
WARD DARWIN CAPARELL"'—A MACABRE TALE WHEREIN ONE 
IS ASKED TO DRAW THE LINE BETWEEN MADNESS AND CON- 
SUMING PREOCCUPATION WITH REVENGE—BY KEN W. PURDY 


Thirst come. 


Thirst served. 


Beer after beer—the choicest product of the brewers’ art: Everywhere. 


SOND 8015 NOISNIM MIN 


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