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PLAYBOY

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Should a gentleman offer a Tiparillo to a violinist?

After a tough evening with the
Beethoven crowd, she loves to
relax and listen to her folk-rock
records, Preferably, on vour stereo.
She's open-minded. So maybe

tonight you offer her a Ті
She might like it—the slim
witha white tip. Elegant. And,
you dog, you've got both kinds.

on hand. Tiparillo Regular and

new Tiparillo M with menthol—her
choice of mild smoke orcold smoke.
Well? Should vou offer? After all,
if she likes the offer, she might
start to play. No strings attached.

PLAYBIL OUR. CONSCIOUSNESS EXPANDING COVEY is not

only a psychedelic celebration. of the
Christmas season but also a prelude to the pleasures to bc
found. within—satiric. rious and seasonal. Adding
glitter ло the proceedings is age portlolio of erot
by Aubrey Beardsley and four other masters of arf. пон сац.
Another eyefilling visual adventure is our ten-page pacan to
The Bunnies of Hollywood. Suggestions for savoring the
holiday season with fitting Mair are provided by Thomas
Mario's global guide to yuletide feasting, our annual panoply
of mischievous Christmas cards and page gallery of.
ifs guaramtecd to make even the most skeptical Scrooges
believe in S; Claus.

In the seasonal spirit. 100. i п Shepherd's The Return of
the Smiling Wimpy Doll. a new bauble from his bottomless
hag of nostalgia, wherein our hero's well-meaning mother,
cleaning out the family basement, elects to send him—as а
nas present—all the moldering memorabilia tha
from his all-Amei boyhood. As we went to press,
g his novel of Army life, T. S, Mac, ente
the Lime

v show that will
ry Ме, “Irom used-car
suring evidence that Shepherd. harbors
а result of the traumatic. experi-
ences described in his last erAvnov piece, The Secret Mission
of the Bluc-Assed Buzard (September), is the fact that he's
about to acquire а pilot's license,

‘The more serious side of our yuletide

sorted aspects of contempor:
lots to religion.” Re
no phobia about flying

issue boasts a lum

nou

lineup of authors, headed by Supreme Court Justice William
O. Douglas, whose first reaynoy article, The Attack on the
Right to Privacy. chillingly authoritative account—and

condemnation—of the ways in which Big Brother looks for
evidence of subversive One of the Court's most
distinguished liberal members since his appoinment in 1939

by Franklin D. Roosevelt, Douglas is also a frequently pub-
lished author; his latest book, Farewell to Texas: A Vanishing
Wilderness, was released last spring,
While The Attack on the Right to Pri
growing domestic dilemma, John Kenneth
on ou 1 Resoking Our Vietnam
Predicament. Joly etime tcacher—later. his
advisor—analy/es how the fortunes of the United States be
neshed with those of the Vietnamese, and suggests

cy illuminates а
braith focuses

how Washington might honorably extricate itself; the aride
is based on a widely discussed speech he delivered in our capi-
tib earlier this braith, America's most protean
economist, fore s expert and provocative political

DOUGLAS

WODEHOUSE GALBRAITH

analyst, has been maintaining a lofty position on thc best-
seller lists with his latest book, The New Industrial State. And
the former ambasador 10 India is now working on what be
calls a “nonnovel novel”; tentatively titled The Triumph, it
fable of contemporary foreign policy. with the action oc-
curring in Washington and a small Latin-American republic.”
The roots of random violence are gated by John 1
low Martin in The Criminal Mentality, а sagaci
the psychic disorders that guide the hands of mass murderers
and other aberrant rebels without apparent cause. Martin
bona fide expert and a frequent writer on crime: his works on
the subject include Break Dosen. the Walls, an evaluation of
the American penal system; Why Did They Kill^, a study
of the murder of a nurse by a band of teenagers; and My Life
in Crime. the autobiography, with Martin as coauthor. of a
professional criminal, His most recent boc staken by
ents, is an account of his experiences first as ambassador,
then as а Presidential envoy, to the Dominican Republic
Two faraut subjects are tackled by Dr. J. Allen Hynek in
The UFO Gap and by Robert Graves in Reincarnation, Dr-
Hynek. the nation’s foremost authority on unidentified flyin
objects, proposes a national reporting network that might put
the United States on an equal footing with Russi
race 10 identify—and possibly comact—the UFOs. That
Soviets may be ahead of the U.S. was brought home to
k when he attended an international conference on U
t summer, Graves, who is as highly regarded for
his classical translations, fiction and biography as for his poetry.
draws on literary evidence throughout the ages to explain why
the belief in reincarnation is itself reincarnated with each new
generation, The much-luureled British scholar, who will
shortly publish a new volume of verse, claims that on the day
he received PLAY BOV's suggestion to write the article, he con
versed with a wandering Indian mystic, who persuaded him
10 accept the assignment,
generous helping of humor, both pertinent and imper
tinent, is served up by Dr. Harold Greenwald in Love and
Hate in Renta-Car Land, a tongue -in-ched is of Num
ber Two's corporate personality, as inadvertently revealed
through the chinks in Avis’ advertised image; and by The Vil-
lage Voice's Jack Newfield and Howard Smith in The Bopper
Brigade, visible portraits of the life styles adopted by
various teenage types, from the supergroovy teeny-bopper
to the wave-worshiping surfer. Greenwald, author of The
Call Girl: a Social and Psychoanalytic Study and Active
Psychotherapy, just published, is currently engaged in writing
у follow up his study of Avis with a book en-
tiled Institutions on the Couch. A fulltime psychoanalyst in

MARTIN HIRSCH

New York, he is president of the National Psychological Associa
tion for Psychoanalysis. directs group therapy at the Center
for Creative Living and teaches at the Institute for Practicing
Psychotherapists and the Мепоронап Institute for Psy-
choanalytic Studies. Jack Меке, who recently published 4
Prophetic Minority, a sympathetic study of the New Left, is
completing an unauthorized poli of Senator
Robert F. Kennedy for Random House. d Smith, now
occupied
assistant editor of a forthcoming Hearst magazine aimed at
the flowering teen market: he is also а partner in Youth Con-
cepts, a firm that advises advertising agencies and corporations
on how to catch the interest of the upcoming generati

Our lead fiction, The Mannichon Solution, is Irwin $
sixth contribution to PLaYnoy since 1955. when we publ
his classic shore story The Eighty Yard Run. Shaw here spins
an ironic, futurist about an unsuccessful research
chemist who stumbles upon the ultimate solution to a prolif-
erating international. problem. Shaw. who collaborated during
the past summer with cinema director Jules Dassin on a docu
mentary about Israel (the film, says Shaw, was supposed to
cover the Arab-Israeli war, but by the time they had collected
а aew and arranged passage, the s over), had two
oneact plays performed at the citizens Theater in
Scotland. this September. He is at work on a novel. The Un-
caged Man. The enigmatic illustration for The Mannichon
Solution is the work of Pittsburgh artist Don Ivan Punchatz.

Terry Southern, Arthur Корй and Jack Richardson are the
culprits responsible for this month's withering trio of black-
humor scripts that will become part of a Peter Sellers movie.
Pardon Ме. Sir, but Is My Eye Hurling Your Elhow?. The
film. a panoramic. view of selected ironies and hypocrisics in
American life. will be produced by Bob Booker and George
s Asocimes will publish the scripts i
Southern's. Plums and Prune: portrays ап ove
protective dad afflicted with an irrational aversion to his
daughter's boyfriend: Kopit’s An Incident in the Park hypothe-
sizes what could happen if the American Indians tried to
reclaim their continent: and Juan Feldman, by Richardson
is a wry tale about a hip baddie who gets busted. Southern,
who coauthored Candy and Stanley Kubrick's nightmare
comedy Dr. Strangelove, recently wrote Red Dirt. Marijuana
and Other Tastes: he will soon complete a novel, Blue Movie.
Kopit, author of Oh. Dad. Poor Dad. Mamma's Hung You in
the Closet and I'm Feelin’ So Sad, is in London helping the
Royal Shakespeare Company prepare its spring producion of

writing a book on the flower generation. will be

оп.

yarn

RICHARDSON

BRACKMAN SMITH and NEWFIELD

his new play. Cody's Will: and Richardson. playwright (The
Prodigal) amd novelist (The Prison Life of Harris Filmore),
who makes his pLaywoy debut herewith, is writing a book on
gambling.

The Lecture, Isiac Bashevis Singer's third rtaynoy story,
wolves an author who arrives late for a Tecune in. Montreal
and accepts an invitation to spend the night at an old wom-
an's apartment. Since returning from travels in Europe,
Singer has been working on the second part of his epic novel
The Manor; the first volume—including The Courtship,
which appeared in our September issue—has just been
published by ar. Staus & Giroux (se this month's
Playboy After Hours). The noted Yiddish author will lecture
the University of Wisconsin next ter
Completing our stellar holiday assemblage of fiction are
Dance with a Stranger, by Jacob Brackman, and A Good Cigar
Is a Smoke, which bears tlie lih rravsoy by-line for the pro
lific P. G, Wodehouse. The former concerns a hippie who
elects to drop out of society. A stall writer for The New
Yorker, Brackman authored The Underground Press in our
August issue. Dance with a Stranger, he told us. reflects his
conviction that “Whereas older people see a monolithic:
hard-tounderstand ‘younger gen n. there have acti
been at least three di ions in the past ten yc:
ach with its own beliefs about what ‘making it ents
each separated from the others by а new species of “ge
tional gap." Wodehouse—whose latest novel is The
loined Paperweight—here probes the plight of a young artist,
hooked on tobacco. who feels ob! 10 convince his in-
dels uncle that he never touches the weed.

Our Christmas bounty abo includes such sceworthy and
eminently readable holiday treats as an exclusive Playboy Inter-
view with the controversial clown prince of television talk
shows. Carson: Bodies Politic, an irreverent pourrait
gallery by desiguer-photographer Eugenio Hirsch in which
female models become bosom buddies of assorted heads of
state; an eight page photographic rendering of The Wicked
Dreams of Elke Sommer, in which Elke takes a tongue in check
Чи at Freud and the misinterpretation of dreams in 4 reveal.
g sequence of favour fantasies: an excursion with Little
Annie Fanny into the brutal world of the children's toy in-
dustry: plus a holiday rendezvous with our Playmate of the

omh. winsome Lynn Winchell—who brings us back to where
we stated, since Lynn's lovely countenance and free-flowing
locks form the focus of our aif nouvean-inspired. psychedelic
cover. So dally no longer, gentlemen, there's good cheer at hand.

inet genera

PLAYBOY, peceusem. wie), чосоме va

AND AT ADDITIONAL MAILING OFFICES. SUWSCRIPTIONS: IN

one 15 out of beer”

The Becr that made Milwaukee Famous

vol. 14, по. 12—december, 1967

PLAYBOY.

Elke's Dreams

Hollywood Bunnies

Bodies Poli Р. 117

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POLEMDAUM, f. 220. Pompeo POSAR. F эз. 120,
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P. 140-141) JERRY YULSMAN Р 4 (2). эз, 220

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CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE

PLAYBIL...... p TH RUNE S CERT 3
DEAR PLAYBOY... 11
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 27
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 77
PLAYBOY'S INTERNATIONAL DATEBOOK —iravel PATRICK CHASE 8!
THE PLAYBOY FORUM Ё вз
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: JOHNNY CARSON—candid conversation 95

THE MANNICHON SOLUTION—fiction

BODIES POLITIC —pictorial.

А GOOD CIGAR IS А SMOKE—fiction

FAR-FLUNG FLING—food ond drink.

ART NOUVEAU EROTICA —рісіонаї

RESOLVING OUR VIETNAM PROBLEM —opi

PLAYBOY'S CHRISTMAS CARDS verse. JUDITH WAX

THE UFO GAP—arti — J. AUEN HYINEK

PARDON ME, SIR, BUT IS MY EYE HURTING YOUR ELBOW?—three plays
PLUMS AND PRUNES TERRY SOUTHERN
AN INCIDENT IN THE PARK... ARTHUR КОНТ
JUAN FELDMAN JACK RICHARDSON 150

IRWIN SHAW 110
EUGENIO HIRSCH 117
Р. б. WODEHOUSE 123

THOMAS MARIO 125

....... JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH 139

LOVE AND HATE IN RENT-A-CAR LAND—humor.. .. HAROID GREENWAID 151
DEVELOPING PLAYMATE—playboy’s playmate of the month . 154
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—hum: 162
THE CRIMINAL MENTALITY —erticle s -JOHN BARTIOW MARTIN 164
THE WICKED DREAMS OF ELKE SOMMER —pictorial. 166
REINCARNATION —arti on Е соо ROBERT GRAVES 174
RETURN OF THE SMILING WIMPY DOLL—humor JEAN SHEPHEPD 180
THE LECTURE—fietion vu ISAAC BASHEVIS SINGER 184

BOPPER BRIGADE—sa 5 ACK NEWREID ond HOWARD SMITH 186
THE ATTACK ON PRIVACY—article .. .. JUSTICE WILLIAM O. DOUGLAS 189
BUNNIES OF HOLLYWOOD—pictorial essay.

WHY NAPOLEON ERECTED THE OBELISK —ibeld clas: me :
SYMBOLIC SEX—humor............. — = DON ADDIS 207
DANCE WITH А STRANGER —fiction " JACOB BRACKMAN 208
STELLAR ATTRACTIONS —gifts. See eens Ar]
ON THE SCENE— personali
LITTLE ANNIE FANNY —satire ...

ә 205

HARVEY KURTZMAN ond WILL ELDER 315

нис

erxek editor and. publisher
A. €. SPECTORSKY associate publisher and editorial director
ARTHUR PAUL art direcior

JACK J. кезле managing edilor VINCENT T. TA нї picture editor

SHELDON WAX assistant managing edilor: MURRAY FISHER, MICHAFL LAURENCE, NAT
LERMAN senior edils; ROME MACAULEY fiction editor; jams coove articles
editor; ARTHUR KEVER associate articles editor; ROBERT J, SEA, DAVID STEVENS,
KOBERT ANTON WILSON associate editors; KOBERT L. LEN fashion director; DAVID
TAVLOR fashion editor; THOMAS MAMO food & drink editor; PATMCK CHASE (тате!
editor; J. мл. GETTY contributing edilor, business & finance; KEN W. PURDY con-
tributing editor; vicio korr. administrative editor; ARLENE novis copy chief;
DAVID BUTLER, HENRY FENWICK, JOHN. CAMRER, LAWRENCE LINDERMAN, ALAN RAVAGE,
CARL SNYDER, ROGER WIDESER assistant editors; всу PRENN associate picture
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D ROURKE, POMPEO POSAR, ALENAS URBA, JERRY YULSMAN staff photographers: SYAN
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PACZEK assistant art directors; WALTER RRADENYCH, LEN WH.
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and permissions • HOWARD W. LEDERER advertising director; JULES KASE associate
advertising manager; surkwAN KENIS Chicago adverliing manager; JOSE
cUENTMER detroit” advertising manager; NELSON ruten promotion director;
пме powscu publicity manager; MENNY N public relations manager;
ANSON MOUNT public affairs manager; тито FREDERICK personnel director; JANET
enou reader servic WIEMOLD subscription. manager; ELDON SELLERS
Special projects; ROBERT S. PurUss business manager and circulation director.

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DEAR PLAYBOY

ЕЭ пото praveov малае - тилүү BUILDING, a н. MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60841

YOUNG IDEAS

Nat Hentoll's September article, Youth

the Oppressed Majority, is the most re-
sealing piece 1 have ever read abour the
younger generation, As а student, 1 ca
confirm Hentoil’s assertion that if one
does not fit into the mold set by the
older generation, then he is considered
dangerous—or even subversive. Why
don't adults spend more time trying to
solve their problems, instead of imposing

them on us?
Tom Murphy
ston, Massachusetts

I never believed it would happen.
Someone has finally said sensibly what
most American young people have been
thinking for a long time. Youth—the
Oppressed Majority should be required.
reading for all who must deal with those
under 21. Too many T.
magazine articles stress youth, but [ew
people are willing to young
individuals. 1 am glad Hentofl has seen
that this kind of recognition is the only
way we can keep young people from be-
carbon copies of the
neration. Being in college, my contem.
much of a

/ commercials and.

recognize.

present

aries and I don't have

chance to escape the system; but more

arücles
much-n

like Нешо cin
eded break

C. Spencer Andrews
Franklin and М 1 College
Lancaster, Pennsylvania

give us a

shia

There's a great deal of truth. and per-
ception in Nat Hentoll’s article. lt is es-
sential to be constantly reminded thar
: arewt unique. Thanks
me the opportunity to realize

Gerald. Zuckman
Lynbrook, New York

І congratulate Nat Мей for his ex-
h and the probl
it faces. 1 agree that while we are mold-

cellent article on you ns

a society of specialists, we are be-

coming progressively berelt ol
ideas. Our educational system is geared

|o making Americans imbibe

young

facts, rather than allowing them to deal
with ideas. Those who emerge Irom our

educational apparatus find that they are

prepared to work only for someone else.
Unless they are fortunate enough to be
able to regenerate their stilled creative
processes. they embark on a career of
mediocrity and waste
Murray. Needleman
Philadelphia, Pennsylvani

Because 1 am a student in a communi-
ty where scholarship and conformity are
ssedl and expression and free thought
article struck me head
ions to him and to
piavuov for telling it like it is.

Casey Green

Shaker Heights, Ohio

s old enough to
avy and to sign а legally bind.
ing contract extending my enlistment to
six years. 1 am now responsible for elec-
поніс equipment that cost the taxpayers
millions of dollars—and yet. in most
states, Fm (00 young to vore or to drink
We young people are forced to obey—
aud to delend—laws with which we
don't always agree and that we had no
as though we

part in making. И seems

are okl enough, in our elders’ eyes, to do
things only for their benefit. But we are
forbidden that might
nefit ourselves. A clever setup—and a
despicable one.
William A. Steadle
Naval Training Center
Great Lakes, Hlinois

to do anything

Hentoff's
ration of our а
My own experience
observations, As а good “I
a National Merit fü
freshman. But in my first semester ol col
lege, 1 constant

rticle was a definitive explo-
tional cducatia farce.
confirms Hentoll's

I was

sarne!

alist and an honors

encountered the same
pressure that made high school what it
was—an unabashed attempt at the mass
production of stereotypes. Winter brought

before

aon breakdown the week

туопу
finals. Two ulcers showed up soon after

мані, and spring brought another break

down, And for what? The chance 10 play
Russian roulette with 23,000 other male
students and my draft board

І have now retreated to music, books
and drugs—an existence. ar rele-
vant to me than the one prescribed. by

SUBSCRIPTIONS: 1

Tonk, MEW YORK 10022, MU 8:3030; SHERNAN KEATS, CHICAGO MANAGER, 919 М. MICHIGAN AVE. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS

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PLAYBOY

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the society in which I live or, rather,
lived. But 1 will return to school next
term and again attempt to relate the uni
versity experience in some way to actual
learning. I still fail to see why I cannot
be given the time t0 consider the implica
tions of my т

mon

ading but must instead
nize petty detail, wedged into an in

ive ten-week “education.” Bur when

an individual bucks the system, the sys

tem generally wins. Perhaps Dr. Leary's

advice isnt so radical, after all
Robere Ashman
East Lansing, Mich

As graduate students in psychology
who have endured American education
for 18 years. we would like to congratu-
late Nat Hentoll for his astute and timè-
ly observations. Not only do educators

frown on creative thinking, they are ac
lively engaged in eradicaung it. Experi
mental studies have shown that creative

children use their own initiative in learn-
ing, and this alienates them from their
teachers and peers. Creativity seems to
decline around the fourth grade, due to
the premium placed by teachers on
promptness and competition—rather than
On individual thought. It seems that
teachers and employers do not like those
persons with creative. personalities; they
want to teach and hire only those. who

nization men
Richard Е. Dimond
Ronald A. Havens
vier Un
Cincinnati, Ohio

are going to be good

ersity

Even those young people who aren't
oppressed through the colle
made a part of the system. Each month
thousands fall into the grip of the greatest
oppressor of individuality in the United
States—the Armed. Forces. After servi

¢ route arc

his time, though, a person can r
his freedom: by collecting Governme
money to attend Government-ipproved
colleges that offer Governmentapproved
courses.

Charles McCall
APO New York, New York

Hentoff is wise in perceiving that my
generation is neither 100 percent right
nor 100-percent wrong. Nor are we
trying to take over the country. But, just
as King Lear was told that he should
have been wise before he became old,
let us not forget that age itself. doesn't
necessarily beget knowle

David Miller
Hialeah, Florida

Having successfully played the college
game all the way to a Ph. D. without de-
veloping ulcers or a nervous tic, Id like
to offer yet another way of beating the
system: Don't aim for Harvard. Instead.
go to the worst college you can find
sstill accredited. At such a backwater

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of us who desire a real education but
lack the guts—or the wherewithal—to
drop out completely.

John Owen

New York, New York

w Hentoff criticizes parents for
uying to “make certain that the young
gow up ішо replicas of themselves

However, I wonder il Hentoff would
deny that the proper role of parents in
any society is to attempt to inculcate
their values on their young—just as it is
the proper role of the young to question
these values and ultimately to accept or
reject them. In practice, a synthesis is
ally reached, in а state. of. construc-

tive tension that encourages continuous
testing and modification of values. The
net effect is probably salubrious
Ray L. Sweigert, Jr.
Sacramento, California

The average dropout is simply escap
work and discipline. To justify his
lions, he seizes convenient rationaliza-
tions about the faultiness of the system
he has abandoned. Our “oppressed”
young people should know that the best
way 10 change the system is from within.
That way, they absorb the expe
necessary to know what they are talking
about and attain rhe stature necessary to
convince their peers of the validity of
their opinions. Any other course doesn't
i а pladorm from which to

nce

F. W. Ward
Washing,

I was appalled by Hentoff's article. It
discussed only a small mino
day's youth, "Typical was Hentoll’s ance
dote about the “very bright” Гуе
who did poorly on a readingachievement
test because he took the time to con.

of to.

sider all the implications of a given
paragraph-—rather than read it for
speed. You call that brigh? Td say the
kid was a complete fool who got just the

ade he deserved. U he wants to ponder
the implications of what he reads, there
are libraries full of books for just that
purpose. An exam is hardly the time or
the place.

Fred R. Wight

Rochester, New York

1 am one of Hentofl’s “oppressed ma-
jority.” buc 1 cannot relate myself to the
image of downtrodden, cringing sub
t he presents. Certainly,
society dosn't have such а steel grip on

ess th

missiv

my mind and emotions as it seems to
have on the youth Немой quotes, Young
people must learn that examinations,

courses and the entire educational cur
viculum will not unalterably affect thei
lives. Such things cannot have a lasting
ellect—unless the individual permits it.
Hentofl’s oppressed youth would. gain
more by reading Walden than by troop
ing somewhere to stamp their feet in a
mass tantrum. To look inward is 10 find
to look out

individuality and meaning

ward. through an arm band or through
some pseudosincere attempt at protest
is to grope for an answer that isn’t forth
coming. Youth ot know the world
unul it knows itsell
I am a young American living in
cord with my environment. and mani;
ing 10 cope with the myriad questi
that can be answered only by facin
them. Life owes me only what 1c
from it myself and й owes the other
youth of America nothing more
Douglas Anderson
FPO New York, New York

1 win

Hooray for Nat Hentoll and the cam-
pus heroes he cites! Let's rebel against
becoming dull, gray nobodies in the sys
tem and instead take trips, have orgies
1 organize into prent student unions.
Then we can be dull, g
different system.

y nobodies in a

Tom Manni
Bolivar, New York

SWEET CAPARELL
Please let me сам my ballot new Гог
the best short story of the year, It's Ken
W. Purdy's Testimony in the Proceedings
Concerning Edward Darwin Caparell
(rLaynoy. September). Purdy's articles are
always good, but his fiction is even better
Geor ove
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

LOVE-IN
Your photo takeout on Mara Sykes

(Mara Loves, September) is the wildest
spread. you've run since you featured the
acrobatics of Donna Michelle several
rs ago. Congratulations.

James D. Deere

New York, New York

Mara Sykes is the warmest, most ap-
pealing and apparently the most intelli-
DE

irl you have ever featured in your
She talks eminent good sc
A. Wood
New York, New York

The world needs more girls with the
open amd frank philosophy—and the
good looks—of Мага Syl

George
Schenectady,

А. Силекс
ew York

SINGER ON KEY
Reading Isaac Bashevis Singer's The
Courtship (еълумо, September) was а
most pleasant surprise. I'd always avoid-
ed his fiction in rhe past, thinking it
could only be limited and ethnocentric

"When we get back, I'm gonna
change my brand of
cigarettes. These taste flat."

“You should have said
something sooner.
Here, have one of my Kools.”

Come up to the Kool taste.
Taste extra coolness
every time you smoke.

се?

izgs

Mie nnt i m Barr Pt

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but I couldn't have been morc mistaken.
Despite its historical and Europea

п set
ting, The Courtship has great contempo
тату relevance. Many of us today face
the same difficult: struggle to find mean-
ing and value in a time of social and
moral upheaval that Felicia confronted.
Singers ability 10 subtly evoke the
present through the past is truly bril
lianc. Many thanks for publishing him.
Bruce Wicland
Omaha, Nebraska

Congratulations on publishing The
Courtship by Isaac Bashevis Singer. I
saved your January 1967 issue, which
contained The Riddle. by the хате gift-
ed author, and will place the September
issue with it. Both my husband and I

enjoy rereading such superb stories.
Though Singer writes in Yiddish. his
themes are universal. He occupies. him-
self with problems of good and evil, with
the challenge of finding order in a world
of chaos and violence. His refreshing tal-
ent m:
Singer is certainly ове of the great liter-
ary geniuses of our time, and PLAYBOY
shows profound discernment in publish-

kes his stories alive and vibrant

ing his work.
Mrs. Daniel Finkel
Englewood, New Jersey
We're certain youll be equally
pleased with Singer's “The Lecture,” on
page 181 of this issue,

I once wrote of Isaac Singer: "As long
as he continues to write in it, Yiddish
will not be a dead Linguage." T think
The Courtship is a classic story—and
Hawlessly written. We are very lucky to
have Singer as an Americam writer. 1
have been beating drums for him for
years and now, at last, he is getting the
acclaim he deserves,

Kenneth Rexroth

San Francisco, California

MAYORALTY RETURNS

I would like to express my apprecia-
tion for your stimulating September In.
lerview with Mayor John. Lindsay. It is
а great comfort to know that there are
people like him willing to spend their
time and initiative to bring quality
government to our metropolita
Lindsay's candid responses to your ques
tions reveal that he can certainly do the
job.

3 arcas

D. P. Bunnell
Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio

Although Tm what may be considered
а “young” leader in the Republican Par-
ту. 1 must admit that 1 have entertained

serious misgivin:
of John Lindsay
mayor. However

about the philosophy
well as his record as
alter reading your репе

trating and candid. Interview with him,
my opinion has changed, With the prob
Jems that face American cities toda

a shame that there are not more political

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ollicials like the mayor of New York to
confront them—in both political parties.

While Lindsay can only guess as to his
political future, he can—because of your
September Interview—count on at least

one county chairman 10 stand. firmly in
his camp. Congratulations to PLAYBOY on
a superb Interview and to Lindsay for
the progress he has made аз mayor of our
largest city.

Dexter М. Mapel

County Chairman

El Paso County Republican Party

El Paso, Texas

My sincere thanks for your Interview
York's dynamic and charis-

he would n
candidate. 1 ho
other concerned Americans agree
need him.

Presidentia

Terry Friedman
Los Angeles, California

After reading your excellent conversa
tion with Mayor Lindsay. I was reminded
of what Norman M cw
York and Lindsay in the October 28,
1905, issue of The Village Voice

ler wrote about

I was talking to a woman at a
party the other and she said
Abc Beame [Репи atic candidate
defeated by Lindsay] was an old
machine politician and so she was
going to vote for him because hc
would know how to r Ше ma-
chine. And I said New York is not a
machine but a malignancy

This was so truc. New York doesn't
grow. it spreads. New York needed a
doctor. not a grease monkey, and, re-
markably, it found a capable one in
Mayor Lindsay. He has performed a
a miracle by arresting the malig
He has shown that New York is
pabl ind he к beginning to show that
it is governable as well.

Halon Mann
Andover, Massachusetts

I noted with interest your Znteroicw
with Mayor Lindsay. His ideas on urban
development and the role of youth in
shaping and solving the national. prob-

lems were very provocative
Representative Spark M. Matsunaga
U.S. House of Representatives
Washington, D.C.

Your Interview with Mayor Lindsay
emphasizes the glamorous aspects of his
term in office and ignores several of its
sour spots. Apart from his failure to save
the old Metropolitan Opera House and
the fact that his creased taxes have
arrested. rather (han enhanced the city’s
siness vitality, the
program—the most ludicrous and da
ing part of his record. This program

e's his car сомеа

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PLAYBOY

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is nothing more than a political fraud
New York's true talic problem comes
not from private vehicles but from
trucks, arrogant taxis and—worst of all
—city buses. While all this commercial
stuff clogs the streets, the private car
owner sullers—to the tune. of $40 per
confiseatory tow. Instead. of solving the
problem. Lindsay's towaway policy has

just created a precipitous drop-oll in
the number of suburbanites who come
to the city to wine, shop and spend.
Even the stag sums the city makes
in towing fees can't tompensme for the
revenue it loses—and this loss to New
York will eventually become Lindsay's
loss, at the polls

Nicholas Morgan

North Bergen. New Jersey

TALK TALK
Robert Kaufman's Please Don't Talk
la Мен in Training (misvwov, Sep.

tember) is the funniest story Гус ever
read in your magazine, М was also a
healthy counterpart to Mr. Getty's tales
of rugged individualism. Keep up the
good work.

Donald ‘Tannenbaum
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

WATTS HAPPENING
Budd Schulber:

а piring writers in the 1
ghetto (The Watts Workshop. Lav nov

September). His thoughts on the poten
al creativity of all € heart
warming—just as the tof how

much Negro creativity has already been
stilled is dishes M it has taken
Schulberg's Watts Workshop to show
America that it is not too late or too
costly to aid our Nego community
then Jet u applaud Mr i hulberg—but
brielly, since we must now act to begin
more such. programs.

Denis Crosley

Lehigh Uuiversity

Bethlehem, Pennsylvania

The Watts W orkshop article shows that
there is real hope for humanity. Man can
overcome his pettiness: he сап become
truly human, Schulberg is a beautitut
person, He represents. neither black
power nor white power, but human
power.

John R. Cheeks
Chicago, H

ois

Budd Schulberg’s work in Waus—and
your publication of his piece—should
get a big vote ol thanks fom all Ameri
cms. Ar a time when pesimism seems
the only reasonable attitude, he shows
that optimism, even of the most limited
nature, is possible. Wiil

the raco bu

ridges between
down everywhere:
Schulberg has managed 10 build at least
one new one. H it сап be done by onc
man in one field in a bu

out town,

O dii

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PLAYBOY

Rudy LaRusso, forward with the San Francisco Warriors, uses Dep for Men.

Rudy La Russo has his hai
Whats this? No one’s laughing?

Six-foot-seven Rudy is one of the toughest players in the N.B.A. But
six months a year he's also a stockbroker. And, baby, in that game it's
neatness, not toughness that counts. Here's how Rudy's hair stylist
can help, Instead of cutting the hair dry, he shampoos it first, then cuts
it wet...shaping it to blend with Rudy's face. Then he applies Dep
for Men, a greaseless grooming gel made especially for hair styling,
and combs Rudy's hair into place, Before Rudy leaves, the stylist also
throws him a parting shot of Dep for Men Spray. ..so the style won't
blow away. Rudy uses Dep for Men at
home, too. To hold the line between
stylings. There isn't a head in America
that wouldn't look better styled. Why
not try it now. And try Dep for Men, too!

r styled.

it сап be

his experiment suggests that
done in other fields by many men, in
towns that are not yet in ashes,
Irwin Shaw
Klosters, Switzerland
For Shaw's own contribution to the
pages of vLavboy, see “The Mannichon
Solution,” our lead fiction this month, on
page 110.

Many thanks for having come through
with yet another tremendously inspiring
article. Someday, with the grace of Gov
d after much sweat and many tears,
PIL bec ан M.D. For the рам few
months, someth had been out of
in my sense of values, but mo longer
Schulberg has given me а model for ac
tion. The ghetto in Newark is in desper
ate need of medical help; and when I get
my degree, I hope to set up a medical
workshop there. Like Schulberg, Г be
satisfied if D can help just a few under-
privileged people

Richard E. Wronkoski

South Orange, New Jersey

Schulberg should be greatly com-
mended for his works, his confidence
and his faith, It's too bad there aren't

more around like hi

John Denny
Houston, Te

As a former New York Commis
on Human Rig
magistrate and a plain Americ
gratulite you for printing Budd Schul
bens magnificent a
Using none of the expen appa
that surrounded the official inquiry. he's
managed to penetrate the mist and. dis
cover the root causes of the 1965 rioting
—and the present anxiety—in Watts.
He not only points out the obvious
factors—unemployment, inferior hous-
ing, inadequate educational and recrea-
tional facilities—but he also toud
upon the equally important intangible
factors. His description of the sense of

tus

hopelessness that. pervades Watts, engen-
dered by police harassment and a feeling
that no one y g

shows how the
come an ugly nig
Negro.

As a former judge, I am appalled at
what passes for law enforcement in thc

ишде for the ghetto

Watts area. When men сап be arrested
atthe whim of a police officer and

АЛИШ [auus vidi “suspicion of armed. rob-
bery” (which is no aime), individual

| freedom and the Bill of Rights become a

mockery.

As Schulberg says, the entire situation
adds up to a tremendous waste of human
resources, His Writers Workshop consti-
tutes an important step toward ending
this waste. And it poses a basic question
a: Do we have the wit, the

hair,
spray | for

Ame

wisdom and the will to turn Negro

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PLAYBOY

How to shoot the girl
without killing the cat.

If you know anything about photography
you know how hard it is ro pet the right
exposure for a black object in very light
surroundings. For example an ordinary
camera, with a built-in meter, would
measure the entire scene above and lose
all che derail in the car. Bur rhe Mamiya/
Sckor TL camera has a behind the lens spot
meter. You can point chat spot meter at
the most important part of the picture and
be sure your exposure will be right on the
nose. The internal metering system is also
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to turn or extra switches to operate.

Of the three top selling single lens reflex
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a mamiya/sekor

ad rebellion
uild-

ferment away from rioting
1 make of it a positive force for

ing a better country? Let us hope so.
Morris Ploscowe
New York, New York

Just finished reading Budd Schul
berg’s article. My normal chest of 44 has
expanded 10 1%, at least. As one of the
original "Angry Voices" in Budd's Work-
shop, I'm taking the liberty of expressing
my thanks—and the thanks of the others
who may forget. And we've got a lot to
thank Budd for. As [ar as I’m concerned,
he lifted me out of oblivion and brought
me imo the light of a new day. He is
а real bow ett. When the September

AYO came өш. | had just made a
sale to West miy I spent some of
the money to buy ten copies of PLAYROY
to send back home to Texas to those
people who never lost faith in me, It's
а fine reward to be written about in a
swinging magazine like yours. Keep up

the good work.
James Thomas Jackson
Watts Writers Workshop
Los Angeles, California

Running through his Watts Workshop

ticle, like a garbage пай behind
ocean liner. is Budd Schulberg
premise: that the black man should be

freed to enjoy everything the white man
"joys. And what docs the white man
enjoy? Why, everything the TV commer-
cials olter: splitlevel houses, swimming
golf courses, Mr, Clean and the
vcn Giant, To borrow from
perhaps the most accurate
u his article: iecit.
is not to say that the bl
should be denied; nor that they should
be denied the use of violence, or even
revolution, if that is what it takes. But
what ought to be denied is that such
tawdry achievement constitutes. “making
it.” Our whole society is up to here in
whites who have embraced everything
the TV commercials have to offer and
still “feel so wrapped and frustrated. that
they are almost going out of their minds
—to use the words Schulberg applied. to
the lowliest Negroes in Watt
For the sake of a lot of poor bastards—
both black and white—I hope that Schul-
berg is right. But if he is wrong, then he
is helping sell what a socially conscious
adman might Gel the white man’s ball of
‚ God help us all if this ball of wax
turns out to be a bucket full of sheeit, If
does, Schulberg must recall that many of
us have been smelling it for year
saying so.
Clark R. Puckett
Assistant Professor of Economics
Stue University of New Yor
Brockport. New York

ма

Ive bought about every issue of
PLavaoy ever. published —just to sec how
lar you could go with your wayout

ideas. In your September issue. you've
hed the limit. Budd Schul
article was the most disgusting

I've ever seen, PLAYBOY'S concern lor the
rioting, looting. zy Negro is more than
а deem person can stand. But, of
course, this concern is linked with your
obvious scorn for all that once was good
in America. And it goes along with your
love of the hippies, beatniks and left-
wingers, You don't суси respect the
police or basic law and order.
Jack Raye
Wilmington, Ohio

TASTY BUFFET

Avnoy——fiction by
Brown, one of my favorite writers
Small Bufjet in Maldita. is chara
ef his excellent writing style. И was all
the more interesting 10 me, as I have
made several visits to Mexico in the past
few vears and am quite far with the
stilted parties of the sori that Brown so
skillfully portrayed.

Harold W. Jollie
Warwick, Rhode Island

Maybe Tm just a sucker for lost
looking doe-eved girls. but 1 fell in love
1 read Hany Brown's 4 Small
Buffet in Maldita, As lar as I'm con-
cerned, Lalage tops the list of girls who
ppeared in rLayboy. Her inno-
cence was especially beautiful because
of its contrast with the generally shallow
nd ugly people gathered at Brown's
fictional bullet. The world could use
more girls like her—and more stories like
Brown’s.

Everett Stone
New Orleans, Louisiana

BUZZARD OF HAPPINESS
1 got a big bang out of Jean Shepherd's
The Secret Mission of the Bluc-Assed
Buzzard (PLAYBOY, September). I'm just
one ol the many East Coast readers who
are daily being sold on rıaynoy by Jean's
radio show. Among the legions ol WOR
listeners in New York City. there is many
a skeptical soul who will not accept а less
reliable recommendation than Shep's. A
paid commercial would be definitely in-
lerior to the plugs PLaynoy gets, so spon.
taneously, on his program.
William М. O'Kelley
New York, New York

Jean Shepherd's Blue-Assed Buzzard is
a ‘classic. |t brought back many Army
memories borh pleasant and unpleasant
Every Shepherd piece you run seems bet
ter than the previous onc. I am anxiously
iting more.

E. Russo

Kauai Island, Hawaii

Old Shep returns, with a smiling

Wimpy doll and a host of other childhood
goodies, on page 180 of this issue.

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PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS

ree ane now no fever than six poy-
chedelic churches. їп America—the
for Spiritual Discovery. Kerista,
er Brothers, the Nco- America

Church, the Church of the Awakenin
and, oldest of all, the Native American
Church: and more seem to be sprouting,
like magic mu: every day. H this
trend continues, it seems only а matt
of time—say. Christmas 2067—until опг
entire culture will be turned on. church
and state alike. And il some пек Clem-
ent C. Moorea luterday apostle of
Timothy 1 and his turned-on,
nedin, wigycd-out prose style—has a
vision on the night before that date, he
will almos certainly record it in Line
aage something like this:

“Twas the night before Tripmas, aud
II through the pad. not a stash could be
id. not even a leftover joint—but I'd
already dropped 500 micrograms, in
hopes that supercelestial Bodhisattva
visions soon would manifest themselves
in ab their egodestroying and mind
ding explosions of praja power
1y stockings were hung. not by the chim
ney bur inside it—hecuse they con
tained my bag of niacinamide to abort
vip il it turned freaky, and I didn't
nt any unplugged heads from the
sement wandering in and purloining
ng stash of this potent pana
cca if they ran out of Frenquel. Ou
iceny.boppers were out on the town for
the night while stroboscopic visions of

sugar cubes danced in their

room:

ex]

“My yabyum partner in her sari and 1
mo

in my flight suit h seuled
maitresses in the meditation. room,
panse burner between. us, awaiting the
onset of the profoundly bumbling cellu
lar pulsations that would announce our
arrival on the holy escalator of height
settled

down for a long winter's grok of ou

d just

ened consciousness. Just as we

Есета Raga poster in all its orange,

pleaginous and corpuscular fullness—

1 for a bracing skinnydip in the wine
dark river ol prenatal memory—
diamond-bright sound waves began to

pound and thunder on the lawn, rico:
chet off the blue-green molecules. of

nitrogen and oxygen sometimes known as
‘air’ and hurdle faster than the speed of
light imoa hundred thousand indigo syn-
apses of soft machinery that had. never
before been awakened within ihe
bling kettledrum of my inner ear. F
sy alternated with temor as I sprang
from my mattress, flew to the window in
а flash of immaculate white bodhilight
and threw up the sash, which I didn't
remember having swallowed.

"Outide, the moon's unspeakable
energies radiated gently in succulent
patterns of raisin tapioca on the br
and nipple of an enormous. white
dess, whom 1 only slowly recognized a
plittering mantle of jewellike пеле
now (the kind you sled on, not the kind
you sniff); hovering above in eerie flying
saway was a shimmering vision that
seemed at first a heavenly hookah with
cight vermilion hoses, then tra
rihed itself into a golden chariot pulled
by eight peagreen soatboys and driven

trem
sta-

ismogr

by Father Freak-Ont. himself, jolly old
int Tim
Even as D stood. struck. with wonde

10 the depths of the a
dynamo of my soul, his chargers became
the eight avatars of the sacred Eightfold
Path, imperially resplendent in prayer
beads. granny glasses and paisley
patterned Dr. Dentons. As the convoy
careened through the delice, shudder
ing inner space of my forebram—l
ing cach neuron in pinball rainbows of
jellybean energy colors—I heard
masier bailing his holy men by name:
"Now, Jagger! McCanney! Now. Pig Pen
and Lennon! On, Ginsberg! On. Bur
roughs! On, Frodo and Alpert! To the
end of ego, to the light of the void!
Smash through your game roles. smash
through them alll”

“Suddenly, the spectacle metamor
phosed once ayain—this time imo mil
lions upon millions of silver-veined leaves
cach smelling greenly alive and holding
in miraculous suspension the entire
organie evolution of plant life in its very
being: but then, as the billion-colored
throbbing whirlwind of DNA coded
leafery swirled past overhead. it
took on the forms of the high holy ones

icient, churning

the

and [heard on the roof the musical mys-
tery of pure sound itself. naked as lunch,
in each sandaled foot. As T turned. my
head back into the room, as if across
light-years of diving and incandescent
space, my diluted eyes beheld Samt Timo-
thy emerging from the fireplace
slowly drifting down, down darkred
waterways into endless molecular facio
ries ol ancient, fibrous clockwork tim
space continuums that, just a short while
igo. had been my toilet

When he came out a few n
er, I saw that he was dressed all in white

iridescently. vobbingly, blindingly
white—from his head to his unshod feet;
and slung over his shoulder was a Fat
stalan sack of seasonal psychedelica-
Чез. In his inscrutable eyes there was a
Twinkle like the swirling firmament in
Van Gogh's Marry. Night and a тету
curl to his lips assuring me that he һай
sampled all of his wares and wasn’t
about to unload any cut grass or bathtub
acid. Again the fearful and. wonderful
power of 500 mikes laid hold of my nery
ous system and, midway bewen hu
mor and horror, I saw Saint Timothy's
cherubic cheeks tra themselves
into exploding bouquets of roses his
nose into a tumescent cherry, his whisk
ers into incandescent flakes of snow. his
abdominal n

and

inutes lat-

nsíorm

on into quivering purple

gelatin.
“The smoke from his stub of a pipe
pure Tangier hash—cirded his head like
a halo of white, eternally meaningful
and unspeakably joyous angel feathers
Vaulted to new heights by these celestial
fumes, D saw his face change. become all
men and all faces. renacing evolution
back 10 the dud and beyond. he
seemed to phimpen and swell until. he
filled the room. м jolly old guru. 1
felt my entire being collapse imo spasm
after spasm of helpless kuuyhrer—yer
panic stalked the shadows, for | knew
well that such outbursts. often shori-
circuit the pure light and wig:
scent into the bardo of wrathful visions.
Supremely unruffled by my down-trip di
gression. Saint Timothy benignly turned
his head and a lid of pale flesh de-
scended brielly over the mandala of his

та de.

PLAYBOY

EAST MEETS WEST

Sitar and flute. Tabla and clarinet. Tambura and strings.
The Alan Lorber Orchestra blends them all into a subtle
fusion of Raga and Rock—with the best traditions of both
woven into a lush instrumental fabric that can turn your
ears inside out. It's a rhythmic, devastating sound that
can dissolve your spirit in limitless highs and lows that
border on pain. East meets West and you meet a way of
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allseeing eye, reassuring me at once that
there was nothing to dread as long as I
reminded myself. at each step which ol
the five levels of consciousness | was

ning.

"Speaking mot a word—for our psy
chedelic bond transcended the symbol
manipulations of mere verbal con

nuni
cation—Saint Timothy forthwith laid
his goodies on me (all free trom the Dig-
ger store): sugar cubes and sacred mush
roomy. nutmeg and Bennies, yajé and
thora apple. nightshade and kavakava,
terpin hydrate and the holy peyote of
Steppenwolf—a plethora of packages

ily gift-wrapped in Panamanian Red
and Jersey Green, plus a magnum of vin-
tage STP. a Nebuchadnezzar of DMT
and a veritable boatload of electric bana-
nas. Then, laying his finger inside his
nose like an old-time cokehead. Saint
Tim levitated himself suddenly into the
ozone and up the cosmic vulva of the
chimney back into the universal womb.
Bur P heard him exclaim, ere he sunk
forever back imo the slowly swelli
movement. of ovarian ticker tape, "Hare
Krishna to all—and don't tell the fuzz
where you got the stull. baby!”

A private citizen in California has
drafted a document, modestly entitled
"Proposed New Law.” that might well
end the Vietnam war. Section two, para-
phs four and five. read

At all times. during a state of
war the President of the United
Sunes shall serve one week out of
every month in the combat arca of
the conilici, on the actual front line,
ned ol any

to keep him fully info
and all conditions. The Vice-Presi
dent shall alo Ваке the same duty
The Cabinet shall also serve on a

rotation basis in the con area,
the time and frequency being left to
the discretion of the President. ex
cept that cach and every опе shall
serve at кам three days of cach
month on the barde line.

One third of the House of Repre
senta

эй one third of the Se

ше shall also be on combat duty on
the major [ront lines of action at all
times on a rotation basis, with a 30

day tour of duty for cach member
There shall be no exception, Any
member who does not feel he is
qualified for this regulation. shall

resign from office

Tp H's Worth Doing, H's Worth Doin
Well Department: French justice took i
nge turn not long ago when a young
n was found guilty of defending his
honor. Michel Depré, 34. caught his

wile in bed with another man and
uue to the Gallic code in such matter
drew his knife. Bu instead of killing
paramos

he only wounded him

ghty. Depré was fined 560 and given
a one-month suspended sentence. A

HARTFORD. CONN.

g
z
к
Д
5
a
E
$
E
E
Н
i

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Heubleirn Cocktails. i5 kinds Better than most people make.

PLAYBOY

“The Space-Age Gift”

Here are six good reasons why THE PIPE
makes the perfect Christmas gift for the
man in your life: the pure carbon liner—
pyrolytic graphite, from the nose cones of
missiles, gives him these benefits:

THE PIPE:

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5. delivers smoke 10° -20° cooler.

6. produces up to 83% less tar and up to
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truer thrust would have gone unpun-
ished under Article 324 of the French
criminal code, which extends officia
sympathy for the crime passionnel. The
judge said,

iary Intelligence, Balli
: The New York Times informs us
that the windows of the new crack 110-
mph tains between New York and
Washington “have been proved safe by
the dead-chicken test. The chicken test,
it was explained, involves firing a dead
fowl out of a cannon at 160 mph
the tempered he purpose is to see
if the glass would withstand the impact
of collision with a large bird."

Sign spotted in a Málaga, Spain, bar:
SE НАМА ESPAÑOL,
а flair for the bizarre can win
tional attention for even the most
obscure and mundane or is
ацемей by а recent UPI wire-service
story picked up by the Chicago Sun-
Times, The group, or groups, in ques-
tion: The New Zealand Happiness Clubs,
a women's organization whose avowed
and upbeat purpose is to bring "joy to
all." The act that won these loving Latics
world-wide news coverage: their passing
of a resolution call
ment to reest:
by hanging. Our reaction is that nobody
just Iucks on to this sort of thing; it had
to be planned, not by an Auckland
swinger for UPI who had nothing else to
1 but by a nice little old lady whose
notion of spreading joy—and garnering
publicity—has a touch of mad genius

tern

about i
For those quick to dismiss the tele-
phone directory as a dull, purely wi

tarian tome, the following illumi
facts—extracted Irom the San F o
tings by Chronicle columnist Herb
Caen—should be rey ч
Mars lives! (on page 402).
four for James Bond.
The Doves outnumber the Hawks, 11 to
7. Only one Owl. But mighty is the
. Also 36 Hammers, four
Tacks, five Bolts and one
. Love is very big i
cisco (73), but Lust (3)
Passion (2) is petering out. Kiss (8) wins
out over Hug (3). The Little people (80)
tower over the Large (1), and only two
e Hip. There are more Popes (53)
1 Priests (11), far more Walkers (395)
than Amblers (2), more Trotters (17) than
Runners (6). A city with two Mountains,
ads of Hills, three Peaks, two Valleys,
20 Lakes, I1 Pool and ht Flowers

with a total of 70 Blooms. . . . Now I'm

“|
|. Vi Whenever the game /
„АД i calls forthat
= «| well-coordinated look,’
E Jantzen /
HA || (witht Dacror hás

| м
A \ Il anice approach. \

ht.

/ !

We ought to call cur new Together
Knits get-together knits. Easy
swinging, machine-washable panel
in 6 last-word color
ing half turtle pull
over, $11. Both
Dacron? poly- >
achair.

eser aeee Jani

PLAYBOY

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Villa D'Este has a р.

masculine, for-
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WINTHROP

MissnuRE

going to call up Carl Jung (also listed)
for ап appointment to straighten out my
phone-book syndrome. It’s getting out of
Hand (31)."

Eye of the Beholder Department: In
Foolish Figlea new book on por
nography and the law by Richard Kuh
the author reprims a memorable review
from Field and Stream of D. Н.
rence’s most famous banr

by Grove Pres,
count, of the da
lish gamekeeper

-day life of an Eng
s still of considerable
xt to outdoorminded readers, as it
contains many passages on pheasant rais
ing. the apprehending of poachers w

to control vermin, and other chores and
dutics of the professional gamekeeper
Unfortunately. one is obliged to wade
through many pages of extraneous
erial in order to discover and savor
ideliglus on the management ol a
nds shootin nd in this re
viewer's ор book cannot take
the place of J. R. Millers Practical
Gamehee ping.”

Choice apartment-forrent ad Irom
The New York Times: “4room lower.
private cntrance and basement
and rubbish furnished."

by
Amer axe, suggests that the hospi-
tality of the Japanese is matched by their
candor. The circular informed all singl
men th aged for young and
= Tostesses (all amateur) of 30
members. Please take the fancy of your
partner out of them.” The program of
amusements for thi aduded а "spe
cial fantastic floorshow performed by
nude dancers coming from "Tokyo" and
a "peculiar movie for man only.”

it was

in the state senate by an appropria
vote of 7 to Il.

eal то make sure that retired
Government workers know exactly w
n case of war, the U. S. Civil Serv
ice Commission has issued the following
directive, "In the event of an attack on
the U.S, and until further notice: A Sec
tion 831.107 of Subpart A. and Subsec
tions 831,502 (B) (1) and (2) and (C) (1)
and (2) of Subpart E are suspended and

} Part М added 10 the commis
Mond те;

Fine Distinction Department: An
iem in Missouri Medicine noted that
"he attitude of the public toward the
American Medical Association could

Wanted. from Main Street to Mandalay:
Martini & Rossi Imported Vermouth.
Extra Dry for exotic Martinis...
Sweet, for inviting Manhattans.
The most...coast to coast.

RENFIELD IMPORTERS, LTD., N.Y

OUTSIDE THE U.S. AND CANADA IT'S CALLED VERMOUTH m

PLAYBOY

The $400 home-movie camera.

With 8-to-l power zoom...
so your home movies won't look home made.

You probably wouldn't
shell out about $400 for a
Bauer C2B just hecause it’s
status symbol. But if you're
willing to pay for the best.
the C2B has a lot of things
that make it a great buy.
Even with a $400* price tag.

Things like a Schneider Variogon
£1.8 S-10-/ power zoom lens for long,
zoom shots, Fully automatic opera-
B motion, Single

BAUER

oversize viewfinder, and
much, much more.

Your Bauer dealer will
show you everything about
the new С?В, He can also
show you six other Bauer
Super 8 cameras, starting at
$59.95,* and three Super 8
Projectors. Write for information:
Allied Impex Corp., 300 Park Ave-
nue South, New York, N. Y. 10010.

the serious Super 8

Get him one of these smart new
Man-Time Watches. Fine time-
pieces in brushed-chrome, slide-

shut cases for playboys, sports-
men, guys who go for the smart,

sharp, and different. $8.98"
Shock-resistant, anti
magnetic movement.

Grrreat gift idea.

"WESTCLOX `

GENERAL TIME

probably be put into two categories. On
ihe one hand are those who think the
A.M. A. is bigoted, reactionary, avari-
cious and selfserving. On the other
hand are those who are downright un
friendly,”

The Ultimate Weapon: The Berkele
Daily Gazette reports that a young €
fornia woman was booked on а charge
h а deadly weapon—she
policeman with а 12-foot
«цу of President. Johnson.

Bulletin from the front lines of the
il Revolution: An advertisement in
The Cincinnati Post and Times-Star
reed that a local department store
was hav le of "men's sport
shirts with adjustable straps and A,
В. С cups.”

DINING-DRINKING

There's

nothing unusual about a

and wife running

Chinese. husband

gs. of Hollywood,
f-the-fortune-cookie
Ph.D. in applied mechan-
op aerospace sci cutive
an M.A. in business administration
Nor is their establishment—Mouling (6530
Sunset Boulevard, three blocks west of
oo chow mein-lining dis-
pensary: Its growing number of aficio-
пайох insists Mouling is far and away the
best C) west of the Con-
ental Divide. if not of the Hudson.
Moulings decor is comfortable and
cientious. The restaurant's outdoor
ng patio is highly recommended

my evenings; screened-olf indoor
booths remind first-time visitors of Char-
lie Chan movie sets. Mrs. Hung is always
on hand to and advise about lesser-
known dishes; and Mr. Hung often hov-
ers in the background. betw i
the Pentagon or to v

ters. Mouling emph
Sh

рш style of cookery: that is, the
idly spiced, richly sauced North Chi.

зе style of m devotees of
low-keyed Cantonese cuisine are sadly un-
aware. The menu is as elaborate
epicurean. And if you 1

of some concoction уо
whipped up, you hat
dish and Mr. Hun
disappe
it [or you

10 sce
с only to define the
g a master chef, will
into the kitchen to produce
Don't be misled by the co

ram's specialties: Mouling's approach to
even the most ord
innovative and ima
amples, only a few, of the Hungs stun
+ concoctions; Hot-Sour Soup.
thick savory broth loaded w
wildering number of
tables, splendidly spicy
with vinegar; Chicken Salad—shredded

THE rtm ТАШ FOR MEN

PLAYBOY

chicken and bits of vegetables mixed with
crisp brown noodles and treated. with a
bold, vinegary dressing, served cold:
Cassia Pork—the delicate filling of this
rolled-crepe dish consists of shredded
pork tenderloin, egg, scallions, Chinese
greens and dried (believe it or not) lilies.
And on and on, [rom Sizzling Rice Soup
10 Twice Cooked Pork to Sweet and Sour
Duck Strips. For dessert, let your taste
buds be cosseted by the Sesame Balls and
the Candied Apple (crisp iced coating on
the outside, piping hot inside). Thanks
to the Oriental expertise of the urbane
Hungs, Mouling is rapidly becoming one
of Hollywood's featured attractions. Open
Sunday through Thursday from noon to
11 rivi: Friday and Saturday from noon
to midnight

It would be hard to imagine that New
York City could put up a palace for the
performing arts without good restaurants
following dose behind. Thus, when Lin-
coln Center opened, three excellent res-
taurants—each with something special
to offer—opened in quick succession to
serve Centergoers. The first The
Ginger Man (5) West filth Street), which
has been so popular that after two years,
it had to add an additional 50 seats in a
new dining The name, of course,
comes from J. P. Donleavy's novel and
the play of the same name, in which
Patrick O'Neal starred a few seasons back.
Mr. O'Neal and his hrother Michael are
two of the owners. What is more distinc
tive about it is that the chef is the famed.
Dione Lucas. Mrs. Lucas’ menu is far-
ranging in its variety, with mild emphasis
on the French. It goes from a Quenelles
de Brochet Sauce Nantua to Shashlik.
She does unusual things such as a Quiche
Lorraine with bacon amd grated par-
mesan and а Sn Trout wi
Whipped Horseradish Sauce. The atmos-
phere is informal—more like an Irish
pub than a restaurant designed t0 serve
patrons of the arts. But the food and the
service are excellent and the West Side
neighborhood regulars are unalfected by
the Lincoln Center customers. The Gin-
ger Man is open every day for lunch
from noon to 3 and for dinner and sup-
per from 5:30 r-w. to 2 л.м. Prices range
from $4.50 to $7.25 for Pepper Ste: k.
Naturally, supper is served and indudes
an impressive range of omelets, the most
expensive of which is caviar and sour
crean ШЕЕ

Next to open was Не Evans, about
at Broadway and 64th
Street, Evans himself runs the show with
a genuine American menu and а smatter
ing of French dishes. The atmosphere at
Herb Evans’ is contemporary and un-
obtrusive, with the accent on good food
1 service. The dishes are standard, no.
nonsense and well prepared. Appetizers
include marinated herring, shrimp cock
tail and Nova Scotia salmon cocktail

Excitingly new, surprisingly different aromatic pipe tobacco! Entrees are steaks and chops or, if you're

LIEN ELLE

O;
=
Ы

dgio»

three doors aw;

Benrus: If it were an ordinary watch,
we'd give it an ordinary guarantee.

BETIRLIS Bj

wild new thing is about to
happen: the mad, mod scene is
about to witness the birth of a
fantastic new magazine destined
for greatness. Its name is Avant-
Garde.

As its name implies,
Avant-Garde will be a forward-
directed, daring, and wildly he-
donistic magazine. It will report
on every aspect of the ebullient
new life-style now emerging in
America, and it will do so with no
put-ons and no inhibitions.

The pages of Avant-Garde
will explode with biting satire, in-
cisive profiles, audacious report-

lush graphic art, conscious-

xpanding fiction, and poetry
that speaks. Avant-Garde will
cover Art, Politics, Science, and
every other subject of interest to
readers of superior intelligence
and cultivated taste. It will be a
bimonthly of:
—beauty, bringing to graphic art
atranscendental new kind of high;
—truth, eschewing platitudes and
really telling it li is; and

—love, unabashedly reveling in
theOneUniversal Ultimate Good.

In short, Avant-Garde
will be a hip, joyous, beautiful
new magazine. It will be the voice

of the Turned-On Generation.
Perhaps the best way to
describe Avant-Garde for you is
to list the Kinds of articles it will
38 print:

The Dead-Serious Movement to Run Allen
Ginsberg for Congress

35 Celebrities
ding Marlon Brando, Jackie Robinson,
und Woody Allen) in praise of Cassius Clay.

: Synthetic (and Therefore Legal)

(already in motion) 10 establish а
station off (Re coast of Californi

‘The “Bust” of Charlotte Moorman—The

uper-Spook"—
An exposé of an operative who is paid $1
million а year to fink for Rig Brother.

The Intellectual Companions of Jacqueline
Kennedy

s Suppressed—and РИ

Salvador Dali: A New Dimension in Erotic
Art—Drawings created especially to celebrate
the launching of Avant-Garde.

George Romney's Bizarre Religious Beliefs

Toward the Elimination of War—A little-
known exchange of correspondence between
Einstein and Freud.

Understanding Zowic—A glossary of
Switched-On Generation jargon.

s—New York's most way-out elec-
-rock nerve-thrill company.

Guide to the Year 2000

и: on the Wall The emergence of
aedium vf social protest.

A Gastronom

The W
шай

Move Over, Lady Chatterley—A preview of
several erotic classics soon to be published
in this country for the first time.

The Prison Poems of Ho Chi

Mixed-Media Art: The Pop World's Newest
“Scrambled Oeuvre”

My Love for You Is Stronger than Dirt—
The Madison Avenue dating scene as ob-
served by Dan ("Howto Be a Jewish Mother")
Greenbur

Poets at War—Bitter anti-war verse by GI's

шс сс Abstract Expressionist
d by the L.A.
ше Other, and

Free Press, N.Y. East V
Berkeley Barb,

Group Psychotherapy on TV

Aubrey Beardsley's Suppressed Erotic Works
—А portfolio.

st's Plea for State-Sponsored

Pornographic Film Festivals at Lincoln Cen-
ter by 1970— Predictions by an underground
film-maker.

In sum, Avant-Garde will
be a feast of gourmet food-for-

thought prepared by the avant-
garde for the avant-garde. It will
be the quintessence of intellectual
sophistication,

The creative director of
Avant-Garde is one of the most
fertile minds in American pub-
lishing today: Herb Lubalin, the
country’s foremost art director (it
was he who designed the elegant
—and cruelly suppressed — quar-
terly Eros). In addition, the staff
of Avant-Garde includes several
of the most gifted artists, writers,
and photographers of our time.

In format, Avant-Garde
will more closely resemble an ex-
pensive art folio than a magazine.
It will be printed by costly offset
lithography on the finest antique
and coated papers. It will be
bound in 12-роіпі Frankote
boards for permanent preserva-
tion.

Avant-Garde will bc
available by subscription only. It
will cost $10 per year. This is not
cheap, but we have a proposition:

If you will enter your
subscription right now, before
Avant-Garde's first issue is sold
out, we will send you eight
months-the better part of a year-
for only $3.99. This isa MERE
FRACTION of its actual value!

Ava

NAME

ADDRESS

zarde, 110 W. 40th St., New York, М.Ү. 10018

I enclose $3.99 for an eight-month subscription to the maeni-
ficent new magazine Avant-Garde. | understand that I will be
entitled to all Charter Subscriber privileges and that / am pay-
ing а MERE FRACTION of the standard $10-per-year price!

As a Charter Subscriber,
you will also be entitled to:

—Buy gift subscriptions for only
$3.99.

—Renew your own subscription
for $3.99 forever, despite any
subsequent price increases.
—Begin your own subscription
with Volume 1, Number 1. This
is not to be taken lightly since first
issues of high-quality magazines
invariably become valuable col-
lectors’ items.

Since this spectacular of-
fer will be withdrawn as soon as
Avant-Garde's first issue is sold
out, we urge you to act at once.
To enter your subscription, sim-
ply fill out the coupon below and
mail it with $3.99 to Avant-
Garde, 110 W. 40th St, New
York, N.Y. 10018.

Then sit back and pre-
pare to enjoy a completely unin-
hibited new magazine that really
blows the mind.

INITIO EON CI SRL BTE

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in the mood for something special,
Brandied Duckling à là Evans, Seafood
Newburg or Beef Bourguignonne en Cas-
serole. It's designed for pleasant dining

either before c

after the theater. Prices
range from 54.25 for Coq au Vin to
56.50 for the Filet Mignon. The after
theater menu is somewhat more exciting,
featuring such specialties as Midnight
Omelet. Yorkshire Buck and Welsh Rare-
bit, Herb Evans’ is open Monday through.

Saturday for lunch from noon to 3, for
dinner and supper from 5 to 1 A.M; on
Sunday from 4 rw. 10 Û Ам
Phe newest—and most glamorous—of
the three restaurants is Lo Comédie (2005
Broadway, а litle north of Lincoln
Center). La Comédie performs the re
markable feat of offering an excellent
cuisine to 400 people, not only in time
for curtain bur ina decor that is cleverly
designed to give the appearance of inti
тасу. La Comedie—the brain child. of
re Bezin. Мег! Forgelle and George
Rey—is lush in its carpeting, upholstery.
panels and the theatrical murals that
depict comedy around the world. Dis
plays of the costumes and props of the
national theaters of many nations crc
an apropos atmosphere. The chef, Jean
Jacque Rachou, had been at The Colony.
ind his superior cuisine reflecis it A
sampling of hors d'oeuvres demonstates
the French penchant for originality —the
répes Maison are delicate. while the
Páté de Campagne is spiced in an un
usual way. A marvelous Cream of Sorrel
—a soup rarely served in the United
States—preludes main courses. ranging
from Foies de Volaille à l'Orientale to
Roast Duckling with Grand Marnier
Sauce and С anas. Desserts are
also distinctive

poleon, for exam.
ple. is made with a rum-flavored. pastry
crème. The management is especially
mindlul of is wine list. which is far
above average. La Comédie is open every
day except Sunday [or luncheon, from
noon to 3: for dinner, seven days a week

from 5 о 12. And there is a supper menu
Reservations, of course, are recom
mended at all three places

MOVIES

Down in the depths of a Greenwich
Village subbasement, a restive suburban
matron (Anne Jackson) sits tied lo a
chair. She has been kidnaped by an ofl
duty postman (Eli Wallach), who com
fides that rape seems as logical
y to express his hostility tow:
crippling frustrations of a conformist so:
iety. He wants her as a "sacrifice to the
necds of my own primitive being.” Well
up to a point. his chosen victim couldn'i
agree with him more. Soon she is selli
her assailam a raffle ticket on behalf of
hospitals so overcrowded that they have
three patients for every bed. “Think

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about that for a moment," she sugges
sensibly. As enlightened slapstick, The
Tiger Makes Out allords Mr. and Mis
Wallach an opportunity to do for Muri
Schisgal’s short play The Tiger what they
might have done for the movie version of
Luv, given a chance. The Walladis per
Tormed both Schisgal pieces on stage, and
their experience tells here in. Eli's mad
intensity as а postman gone berserk and
in Anne's div. hilarious portrait of a v

average American wife and mother who
feels she would like 10 exist "on more
than one level." Stretching, а slighi prank
out to twice its natural length cannot
produce solid-gold comedy, but director
Arthur Hiller conceals a good deal of the
strain with ebullient pacing and a social
займ» view of its seedy New York lo
cations. Author Schisgal's canny humor
also buoys a cast of bit players, mostly
recruited from Broadway, who keep
popping up to suggest that the insanity
ol urban lile is beyond remedy. However,
The Tiger makes it Fun City, indeed

Elemental passions predominate in
The Fear. In the most grueling scene—
which is that clase to becoming а ghoul-
ihly comic one—34-year-old writer-
ecior Costas Manoussakis painstakingly
studies the faces of a irm family eating
а platterful of fried fish, The fish were
ht in the lake where the body of a
deafmute servant girl lies hidden there
by the walleyed, dim-witted country boy
whe brutally (not 1) raped and mur
dered her. His father and stepmother,
who know the truth, lose their appetites
Watching his beautiful stepsister bite
with relish into the fish heads, the boy
vomits. Few details are omitted from
Manoussakis’ relentless, single-minded
| essay on the power of conscience. Lust,

fear and cancerous guilt poison. the
blood of his characters, until the drama’s
chilling climax, when the murderer

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dence floats to the surface of the lake
nearby. The Fear olfers the most graphic
display of aberrant sexual impulses since
Bergman's The Virgin Spring.

When |
cused of—you guessed it—raping the
sherill’s daughter (Margaret. Blye), he
prefers to phrase the charge another way
— "Assault with a friendly weapon." Such
gs proliferate in Waterhole #3, а bluc
boss opera that might better have been
called Our Man Flint Goes West. Armed
with a pocket pistol and a saddlebi,
ol snappy rejoinders right off the Las
Vegas-lahoe night-club circuit, Coburn

ames Coburn is righily ac

ol-the-«

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town called Integrity. So do the corrupti-
ble sheriff (Carroll. O'Connor) and his
ravished daughter. So do the producer.
director and scemarists. who obviously
hoped diat Coburn might lead them into
that rich lode of wild-Western satire
stuck by Cal Ballou. Unfortunatel
high jinks at Waterhole #3
and poorly paced—and after а

Integrity seems many miles away.

The makers of The Long Duel allege
that, back in the Twenties, at the foot of
s a bandit chief
British cop named
Sultan and Freddy
played cat and п Tor seven years
they say, and devel grudging re
spect for each other. The only redcemir

feature of the film—which seems to last
almost as long—is that Trevor Howard
‚ As a dissenter from

Freddy Young.

is
з almost noble figure, But е
Trevor How not consistently
above the b;
ard:
па dis

а arlote Rampling: "You
really care this coun

ou may remember Miss Н
as the bitchy, ball-b ng roomm
of Georgy Girl, ТІ she
igin who thinks

awhile, oi ‘Trevor is
cleverly catching up with Sultan (played
by Yul Brynner lool like Cornel
Wilde), despite the interference of Harry
Andrews, a plain y man who
talks like the joint chiefs of s
give me more men. Minist
have your bandit soon enough." But
Trevor is too much of a gentleman to
shoot Sultan when he is at prayer or
when women and children. might come
into the cross fire, or for a varicty of rc

sons that drive Harry Andrews up the
Yul, always on the run, does his
with plenty of vigor, jerking his
horse’s reins imperiously, swear
of fealty to his people, rop
hand over hand while dangling over a
dizzyingly deep gorge. And everybody
shoots up the countryside а good bit, sets
fires and cuts throats in the interests of
social justice. Watch for the sequel—all
about $ surviving son Saul Teen,
and how he taught Gandhi everything
he knew.

The playing field for Gomes is a
sumptuous Manhattan. town house occu-
pied by a vibrantly beautiful hei
(Katharine Ros). her musele-bound mate
mes Caan) and a mysterious woman
Since Simone Signoret portrays
invited quest with her usual becfy
much of the nonsense that de
a decided fair. Ini
door-to-door cos
clude

authority
velops
querading as
pitchwoman whose side lines

“Blindfolded,

all bourbons E
taste the same? — ^4
SHEER

TWADDLE!”

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fortunetelling. she settles in to teach the
idle young rich how to turn themselves
оп with blood sports. Soon enough, the
bored mistress of the manor has teased a
horny delivery boy (Don Stroud) into a
game so real that he gets his head halt.
blown ol, or at least it looks that way
until doorknobs, faucets, plaster. statues
blood-stained clevators and other things
begin to go bump in the night, Director
Curtis Harrington, whose black
асату

optical allusions so crafüly that
of the holes in the plot a

Westcor
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voice able to summon

the tragic furies of Racine.

The Upper Hand brings together Jean Ga-
bin, George Raft and Gert Frobe, three
ed +
ng but candid
ty. The gents are up
gold, war ma-
ris to Munich
sk why. T's

to their okl tricks, mov
teriel and antiques from
to Tokyo to C
business as us Coolly Nip-
piug coins for the Кай tries to
muscle in on the Gallic gangland ruled
by Gabin from a boite known, simply
and dixumingly, as The Voluptuous.
Nadja Tiller and Mireille Darc are the
O ere E eee ie (up Wr ope

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ondary maners as sex. "lm si
old, and E cont play Romeo any longe
Gabin sighs. But even the famous

ple has lost its potency through
ng into English, Only Raft speaks
I. And this
ойга ve its sound
k sabotaged, for the trio of old pros
handles its summit meeting with assured
professionalism. Undubbed, they might
have bluled their way through суси
this weak Hand.

Director Pietro Gemi brings The che
тах 10 a climax by spelling out the [ate of
a tired but tenderhearted musician who
is devoted 10 the separate homes
he shares with “d
7 The stinging
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Bob Dylan. the Che Guevara of pop
music, is alive and on film, In 1965,
while Dylan was touring England. Cate
dian D. A. Pennebaker hand-held a
cinéma vérité camera that recorded all oi
his antic actions—on stage and off. The
result. is Don't Lock Back, an authorizcl

y that looks forward in terms

agarde techniques. but sel
dom stops to illuminate the inner life
ob its flighty subject. We see Dylan
putting on interviewers and puting
down Time magazine stringers:
up for concerts and getting set up tor
huge fees by his sergeantatarms n
т, Albert Grossman: and we sce
hear—Joan Baez, the den-mother cow
of the Dylan entourage. who somehow
can come on soulful and ethereal eve
while cating, Bun above all, there
is always the schizophrenic-quixotic
charismatic presence of Dylan—cool and
moody, petulant and androgynous, then
Му as disarming as а child. whether
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you'll enjoy this fast-paced sequential
study of him. But don’t look deep.

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СО LR Film reenaetments of history are
a common, but only a handful of screen
sics broil with the power and comp:
sion thar strike like lightning in every reel
ol The Battle of Algiers, writer-director

a's struggle for indepe
years 1054 to 1957. The names
ational Liberation terrorist leaders
nch army officers are fiction.
but their deeds атс founded
—and ihe cast of literally thou
ng through the once-embattled
s of Algiers appears to include. all
able survivors. Pontecoryo’s humane
view labels no man with pure villainy
neither the illiterate revolutionary Ali La
Pointe (played with dark brilliance by
him Haggiag), who mas-murders in-
nocent. bystanders as casily as he stabs

single gendarme, nor the French colonel

D
Mathicu (Jean Martin), a onetime anti-
ascist who respects his enemies’ princi-
ples. yet coolly rationalizes the roundup
and torture of Al, tives. The
most pungent moments compress stupen-
dous drama into. small details, finding it
in the eyes of a helpless old Mostem ped
dier when all the balconies on a sunlit
street of the European quarter suddenly
fill with hatehurling Frenchmen; in the
figure of ive child auacked by
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resolute face of a rebel Algerian girl who.

as she plants an explosive handbag

a busy French cal last look
round at the men, women and children
who will be her viciims. All. of course.
are the victims of history. sacrificed to
the will of a people hu

ane of the great
5s of our time.
ıs expresses it eloquently

Director Se Bourguignon let his
Peeping Tom camera overshoot its mark
in Two Weeks in September, а ructul ro
mantic comedy that would be more likely
to succeed ay а color spread in Paris
Match. The subject of the layout is
Brigitte Bardot, speaking English (for the
second time) in a role limited largely to
words of onc syllabl кі yourself go,”
says her would-be seducer. “That's all 1
do." responds Brigitte. Well. пог quite.
She also slips out of her clothes [requent-
ly. occasionally forgetting to put any-
thing else оп: and the plor covers her so
thinly that it might well be confused with

lesson in beginners English. Our auen-
tion ds Голлу focused or arried mod-
el who goes from Paris to. London lor a
brief assigumcnt and has an uneventful
affair with a geologist (Laurent Terzielff).
He drives her to Scotland. lor a weekend

of bird watching and love rituals, after
which she decides to тип off with him.

but misses his plane. This A nich
vehicle leaves Brigitte stranded in morc
ys than one.

Made in Czechoslovakia
yearold director Jiri Me
Watched. Trains ollers fresh ¢
the newly fashionable Czech с
more than just a [ad on the in
festival circuit. Trains distills th
of an innocent. whevíaced lad whose
sexual coming of аде happer
cide with his first job. as tr
railway junction în Воен
World

to coin
t a tiny
during
While Nazi troop
direction, ihe
with his biolog

tention. War is merely
hard. business of growing up. and seldom
has a film from estem Europe wened
either subject so lightly, Before he shares
the stationmaster’s couch with a worldly
resistance worker, the boy fails 10 satisfy
а prey. conductress. attempts suicide in
despair and even makes feeble overunes
to his boss’ matronly Fran. Meanwhile,
he suffers taunts fom the first assistant
stationmaster, a balding conquistador
who, in one hilarious episode, must Face
а deparimental trial 10 explain how a
comely telegrapher happens to go home
with reading matier all over her derrière

words and numbers having been in
wd there. indelibly. with a rubber
p. Twins. rolls along until the last
s though Menzel had no particular

D
destination in mind. But he not only

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where he is going. he roars to a finish.
having strewn the tack with insights
that are plain funny and painfully true.

As the first sound film to render its
English dialog in English subtitles. Pas-
sages from Finnegans Wake is а milestone of
sors. To merely enunciate the puns
g rodies. portmanteau words and
alliterative conceits of James Joyce's al
most impenetrable masterwork apparently
«темей thorny problems, so producer
direcior Mary Ellen. Bwe bulldozed а
path through the tangle of Language by
putting the words right up there on the
where everyone might read
is the bouncing

ans of the cinema
feel that movies as an art form are a
matically ennobled by any kind of inter-
course with a giant of literature. But
the film of Finnegans Wake succeeds
mostly in cutting the giant down to size
by providing the lay viewer with some
respectful, illustrative exercises that trans
form Joyce's prose into vignettes suitable
for community players on a culture kick
It becomes clear enough that the pro-
tagonist, Н. C. Earwicker, is an Everyman
and a Dubliner. that he and. his family
asleep dreaming up a long nights
journey imo day in which virtually the
whole history of mankind passes in rc
view. Yet, in sum, Friunegaus Wake on
film merely fills the space behind super-
imposed test ("only a fadograph of a
yestern scene") with educated. g
about what Joyce had in mind.

In Point Blank, the great stone face of
Lee Marvin provides a center of gravity
for what appears to be an old Bogart
melodrama gone stark-raving Mod. Its
time melting stream of-consciousness tech
niques—borrowed from Resnais, Godard,
сї al—give sex and violence a new
look. bur the tile told in the film's
Kaleidoscope of flashbacks and free asso
ciations is the familiar one about a hood
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share of swag. Marvin's quarry, we
learn. lurks in the glossy upper echelons
of a crime syndicate known simply as
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supermob, led by
Fairfax, Bı
warm the hearts of members of the
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derworld specimens crawl out into thc
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and the dialog is curt to the point
m. Though the taut, por
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rable—except Angie Dickinson, a moll to
the manner born and better than сусг in
and out of a miniskirt, as she waylays the
tuys, rouses the beast in the good
nd brings ice bags to the wounded,

about Our Mother's House is
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uthored by Istacli beauty

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is meticulous work. if vou can warm to
it and perhaps you can, for producer-
director Jack (Room at the Top) Clayton
bolsters an odd tale with his c
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dren steal the show, registering am:
nuances of juvenile sensibility as
ly of youngsters who, when the
dies, bury her in the
shrine and pretend to the world outs
that life пос on as usual. And so it does
-barring a touch of occultism and pre-
termacural cruelty—until the kids’ prodi-
gal old man (Dirk Bogarde) re
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garde allows the small fry to take up
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ng breath, and he endows the
eters of his most recently translated
novel, The Manor (Farrar, Staus & Gi-
roux), with the same naturalness. The
Manor begins the year of an
unsuccessful Polish rebellion
tyranny. This time, it is Polish no-
en who are persecuted by the czar's
police: the Jews get a break, for a
change. One to benefit is Calman Jaco-
by. who leases the
Count Jampolski and begins a са
worldly success and private disaster
Spiritually, Jacoby lives within the stric
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these crosscurrents Love, chance and
apostasy form and break their deepest

relation ; the old are confused. the
young impatient. The authors gilt for
uthenticity nowhere more evident

than in these personal crises. But there
a disturbing disjunction in the bool
People appear, disappear and теаррел
at long intervals, with the result that the
reader is constantly having to remind
himself of who they are. Distracting
though this is, it doesn't seriously dimin
ish the impact or eloquence of a novel
that captures with fidelity and richness
the ethos of a time and a people. A
chapter of The Manor, titled The Court
ship, appeared in the September issue
of PLavuoy.

In Born to Raise Hell (Grove), psychi-
atrist Marvin Ziporyn and journalist Jack
Altman set out to tell what they Gull “the
untold story” of lust years tragedy in
Chicago, where seven young studen

nurses were stabbed to death and
eighth was raped and strangled by 24
yearald Richard Speck. Мом of the

book was written by Altunan, on the ba
sis of notes made by Dr. Ziporyn on his
twice-weekly visits with Speck in Cook
County Jail. Ziporyn stood alone
six other psychiatrists in contending th:
Speck was not a sociopath (ie, antisocial).
According to Ziporyn, Speck was a brain.
damaged. drug. and alcohol-addicted,
emotionally crippled human being who
could not be held accountable for the
murders. Born to Raise Hell—the рїш:
tooed on Speck's arm—portrays a hu
being who was a walking emotioi
bomb. primed to explode and waitin
only for the proper detonator—whieh
this case, turned out 10 be a lovely young
girl who unfortunately resembled Speck”
hated wife. She is the one he raped, be
fore the eyes of the sole witness to the
crimes, а old nurse hiding under
another bed. But the witness did not see
the murders, because Speck dragged ihe
girls imo other rooms before killing
them. And Speck himself remembers
nothing umil he awoke the next mom-
ing. This report is illumi —but the
untold story of Richard Speck is sti
Largely untold.

For William Golding, whose fl
i ave been noth if not
M. The Pyramid (Harcourt,

хауа.
Brace К
World) is the merest step backward—to

a lide before World War Two, to be
inexact, when Goldings young hero.
Oliver, is full of r bition and
randy cravings. In the obligingly named
glish town of Stillbourne, Oliver
doggedly pursues sex and. music, exper

encing, as is common with lads of 18,
more success with the later. Yet Oliver
manages—with Evie Babbacombe, whose
accessibility he doesn't question; but

idom

fear of possible consequences sets in. For
young Oliver is headed for Oxford if
he keeps his nose clean and his marks
igh. To Oxford he goes, and returns
home after the first. year only to learn
that the girl of his dreams, radiant and
sacred. Imogen. is a silly ass. The follow
ing episode takes place after the W
when Oliver discovers some unsettling
wuths about Bounce" Dawlish, his one-
time music teacher and the town eccentric.
Fairly nrivial episodes, all three, but they
low Golding to pence to the
uised heart of things, in his funny, ob-
lique, poignant way. In his youth, every-
thing that happens to Oliver has the
appearance of pure incident—comic, sc
1 or simply routine. But as he nears the
of his life's pyramid, he recognizes
frightful need humans have for cach
other: ^L stood there in the hall, gloves
on, scarf hanging down chest and back
ad was consumed with humiliation, re
sentment and a sort of stage fright, to
think how we ате all known, all food for
each other, all dothed and ashamed in
our Clothing.” Oliver learns Tate ibat the
amics he once laughed at were the a
guished spasms of those who could not
hear to be alone.

The New People (Pegasus) is a classic
of perverted pedantry. Author Charles
E. Winick, Ph. D., a professor of sociolo-
ву and anthropology at New York's City
College, has marshaled a staggering total
of 347 footnotes and enlisted the aid of
80 people to help support a book that is
a caricature of scholarly research. Wi
ick, whose work is subtitled “Desexuali-
zation in Contemporary American Lil
Tabors to give pseudo-documentation to a
thesis that is popular these days: Ame
are acting like men: men aic
nd sex is being neu
Already, Winick
ornica

«an wome
acting like women;
tralized out of existence
good old-fashioned
tion is probably on irs way out and is
being supplanted by oral and anal рга

ices. How does the professor know such
things? Don't ask: he just rows. Winick
is an expert on art, ballet. jazz. opera.
movies, d fashion, sports, politics,

psychology, sexology. ad infinitu and
wherever he looks, he sees sex; and
wherever he sees sex, he observes some

remarkable things. Take. for ex-
mple. the fact that vinyl is now being
used for women's dothes “We may
speculate," Winick writes. “that one rea-
son for the current success of w

s, coats and. boots of vinyl, in spite
of the material's stiffness and nonporous
could be that а woman in vinyl
somewhat resembles a penis sheathed in
° Necrophilia, he tells us, may
ar as a perversion, because wom
eup that makes them
rcs по end to Win-
stereotype of
пр. while his

dic:

y use

look like corpses. Th

brisk
her tub in water softens

а husband
wile lounges i

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anthology of con-
temporary short stories that is worthy of
your attention, It is comprised of 13 tales,
on the theme The Human
Commitment (Chilton). by such eminent
penmen as Herbert Gold, Philip Roth,
nd Bernard Wolfe,
whose contribution—Marcianna and the
Natural Carpaine in Papaya—first graced
these sese Don't be put oll by the
bute to the
‘The commit-
meni stories cover a
wide range and their quality is consist-
ently high,

ing. The judgment rendered, ge
speaking, should be clear and decisive
delighted yes or a damning no. Bat
every so often, onc runs into a work such
as David Slavitt's Rochelle or Virtue
Rewarded (Delacorte), “the debut of a
major new literary talen pub-
lisher proudly states. One finds in it top-
flight pa i
engaging notions, such as
100 straightlorward a weapon for Cupid.
He should be shown holding a pool cu
dreaming up a needlessly complicated
ıhrewcushion shot" Very пісе, one
thinks, very promising. And then one ci
counters something like this, from a man
who just spilled a drink on a girl: “ʻA
shame to ме the booze, I said, and
began lapping up the liquor of the
lacquer of her limbs." One smiles indul-
gently at the imitation Nabokov, thi
ing that if an author Jas to have a model,
uly isnt a b But soon
iles fade i
ie shrivels to nonexistence, leaving the
verbal fireworks with nothing to cel
brate. (The plot. if you must know, deals
with the attempts of three soi-disant
phi а girl more interest

Slavitt promising? Yes—in this. book,
s promising more than he's de
to 1916, the potentates of
music in America were the big
bands. Americans were as familiar with
the changing personnel of these euph
nious caravans as they were with the
batting orders of the major-league ball
clubs. In The Big Bands (Macmillan),

George Simon has written (and illustrat-
250 photographs) a
с survey of that musical
who joined the staff of the
now-defunct Metronome in
s editor in 1939, wa
ls but also а
nd occasional producer
of recording dates. He has never lost the
sense of wondrous appreciation that
marks the authentic fan and. according-
ly he has always been more concerned
h spreading the gospel than with con-
solidatimg a position as a high priest.
There are astute critical assessments. in
this huge book, but its primary value is
as а descriptive record. The first section
places in perspective the basic elements
of the bigband phenomenon—leaders,
public, sidemen, vocalists, arrangers,
businessmen and press. There follow sec-
tions, on 72 major leaders and their or-
chestras, in which history is flavored
with personal anecdotes and character
appraisals that enhance the lore about
ihe musical heroes of that ape eu
Goodman, Glen Artie Shaw а
Frank Sinatra (who wrote the book's
woduction) Simon then goes on with
hundreds of descriptions and shorter list
ings of yet more bands. In the final
chapter of this aflectionate compendium.

sor, talent. scout

though acknowledging that "the big-
band days, as we knew them, are sone
forever," Simon sees some realistic hope

of a resmgence for a new generational
big bands that will incorporate the clec
tronic gear of rock music as well as its
lyrical songs and its curiosity about other
cultures. No matter what shapes big
ands take in the future, their classic pe-
riod has been eflecrively delineated here.

Stanley Elkin's humor style might be
described as shaggy Jewish: and his new
novel, A Bad Man (Random House), is
not unlike а Low Holz joke: he
chief delight is in the telling, rather
than in the pay-off. Leo Feldman, whose
ther's religion is founded on the belief
that “everythi vendible," learns the
pitchman’s art at Poppa's. knee: “Not
ags,’ not "old clothes. What are you, an
announcer on the radio? You're in а
streer! Say ‘regs.’ ‘all clove.’ Shout ir. Sing
it. | want to hear stecrage, Ellis Island in
that throat!” Not surprisingly, Leo grows
up to be a successful. department store
owner capable of promoti vthing.
He finally decides to turn the basement
of his store into a wish fulfillment em-
porium that provides services not offered
by the overworld of society: abortions,
prostitut "Psychedelics for the.
whole family. The family that prays to-
gether stays together."). ОГ course, Leo
winds up in prison,
out to be a surre: асусг-псует
in which he is doomed to face an absurd-
denouement. 14
ricdman and Wi

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THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRLS IN THE
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loveliest, Playmate of the Year Lisa
Baker, is pictured at the left. We'll let
him uncover the rest for himself issue
after issue.

OUR MERRY MISS BAKER delivers
your special holiday greeting via the
original gift cord you see below. And
we sign it as you wish. Or, if you prefer
to do your own name dropping, we'll
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EASY TO GIVE, IMPRESSIVE TO
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*superb fact and fiction, works of men
like Saul Bellow, Irwin Shaw, Ray
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» revealing answers to sensitive ques-
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* wise ways to riches, sound investment
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*the humor and satire of Erich Sokol,
Dedini, Gahan Wilson, Silverstein, In-
terlandi; the tour de farce of Little
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* celebrated jazz and fashion issues; the
finest in food and drink; travel, sports
cars; film, play, book and record reviews.

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“PII have whatever you're having
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brand of zany Jewish Americin black

humor may not bé everybody's gla» of tea
but it does include enough sticks and
pieces of business to squeeze a couple

borhood

laughs even out of the m
Arabs.

The Ime Lucius Beche, bou vivant
extraordinaire and. PLavwoy contributor,

lived in a world where it was discour

teous to serve the breakfast. champas
in a glass that held less than a full
bottle: where one never deigned to carry
bills of a denomination lower than $100:
and where cross-country travel followed
a set itinerary—from New York's “21” to
the Twentieth Century Limited. to а
freshment stopover at Chicago's Pump
Room, thence to the Super Chief and
finally 10 dinner at Chasen's in Los An
geles. It is this world of fine food and
drink that constitutes the main course of
The Lucius Beebe Reoder (Doubleday), an
epicurean tribute served up by Duncan

Emich and Charles Clegg—to the su
perbly good fife and 10 the man who lived
it to the last mouthful. The high point
of the book, for any save the most dys
peptic, must be the fabulous four-day
dining-and-wining tours Becbe made (on
generous expense accounts) in New
York, London and San Francisco, A typi
cal úffin began with Terrapin Maryland
and a boule of Bollinger, followed. by

individual baby roast pheasant nesting
bed of foie gras toast (with a Chateau
Margaux 747). topped off by a vanilla
soulllé Grand Marnier, collec and a suift

er of 40-year-old cognac, One word of
warning: Do not read on an empty
stomach.

In The Vole of Laughter (Little, Brown),
Peter De Vries tells “the tale that dogs
the wag.

А compulsive clown named
Joe Sandwich (ham on wry?). who cime
ош of the womb with a limp shade on

his head, learns that if life is just a je
then its punch line must be death
from a hero, Sandwich has two d
teristics in addition to obsessive levity
infallible failure and frustrated lechery.
А fledgling broker, he geis seasick
watching the tape (his market recom:
mendations are soon called. “laughir
stocks"); a leering amorist ("Got an open
ing for me?” he asks the lady in person
nel), he ties a cord to his penis and tells

his wife to “ring lor service.” Not sat
ished to be the life of the party. he
wants to make а party out of life, "Stop
it

people shrick at his jokes iu parox
уми of Liighier—bur soon they're saying
it with a straight face, The novel con
cludes at its wit's end—and jest in time
100, because it begins to run out ol
gaffes. But De Vries will never hase to
go on comic relicl: In his surrealistic sex
fables, he's a kind of ribalding sugar

Dada; in his mockery of psychiatry, sub.
mbia and mass culture. he laughs oll tic
fads of the land. Nor does he ignore

How to stretch a tuxedo.

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Or we can make the same black
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After Six has a huge line of acces-
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For instance, the uninhibited shirt
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Or the "Limbo", if you

ab
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- Dinner at the

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White House, for exa

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the humanity behind the jokes: though
he finds life a vale of laughter, he also
reveals that sti faced is the gate.
novels, for all their absurdity, are fi
a reductio ad hominem.

Scopophobia is the clinical term for
a curiously contemporary affliction: the
morbid [car of being looked at. Can you
blame anyone for being scopophobic
these days, when we find out that college
professors, union leaders, students and
possibly even our local playground direc-
tors are working for the CIA? Can vou
blame David Wise and Thomas Ross for
feeding on the national scopophobia
im The Espionage Establishment (| adom
House), а spin-off from their book on the
CIA, The Invisible Government? By far
the most provocative chapters of their
new book are devoted to the Soviet and
British espionage establishments. The
Russians, we learn, employ the two-
platoon system—the KGB, which is the
civilian spy organization, and the GRU,
which is the ence arm of the Red
‚ too, Tan Fler
fans, that there really was а
was a Soviet agency, active in World War
tercepted enemy paratroops
and caught deserters. SMERSH was dis-

5 now but a d
z its eye оп the armed
b

electric gun that looked like
rette pack and fired bullets cont
Tt was
ics 10 pop off assorted
enemies of the people. The British have
been по less subtle, but, as the authors
point out, they are in a bad slump. We
are deft with the feeling that if only
M xd M.L6 could interest more het-
coming to work for them,
it would be Rule Britannia once again.

In Twenty Letters to о Friend (Harper &
Row), Svetlan offers a back-
K iw of Russia's
idol, her father, Josef
in. The effort is closer to а sketch
ing is better
than nothing. il it helps reveal —however
dimly and myopically—what made the
awesome dictator tick. The major dif.
ficulty is that Svetlana doesn't always
seem to be telling it like it was—for
one reason, because, her words, “Гуе
never been an actor on the stage. АП
life was spent behind the scenes.”

other reason lies in Svetlana's

andable ambiv " toward her
uely affectionate and eventu
ally paranoid father. She faces up to
the gruesomeness of his ends-justifying-
means pol purges, but, in the classic
old Russian manner, cannot resist imply-
ing that Dad was often sold a bale of
wooden rubles by “degenerate” Lavrenti
Beria, boss of the secret police (who later

- The Zodiac Sea Wall
и е

"A skin diver's
watch?

The only time
under water is |
in the shower"

PLAYBOY

Ken Musto
stayed in town
again last
weekend and
ran through
fifty bucks.

Too bad.

He could have
had a great
weekend at the
Stardust
in Vegas
for $31.50.

He would have had a swinging time.

That $31.50 buys a lot of what's happening
now in Vegas: the lavish, extravagantly new Lido
Revue and the intimate Lounge Show at the
Stardust.

He would have stayed in a luxurious room,
eaten an authentic Polynesizn dinner at the Aku
Aku or maybe a steak at the Moby Dick, or he
could have enjoyed a couple of excellent meals
in the Plantation Kitchen or the Palm Room. It's
all included in the basic $31.50. Plus five drinks
оп the house—three at the Lido Revue and two
in the Stardust Lounge. If he had wanted it, he
could have had a golf option, loo.

The sun, the desert, the bright lights, the ac-
tion—that costs nothing.

What about you? You're not a stick-in-the-
mud like Ken Musto.

If you've got a travel agent, call him. Dr just
call us for a reservation. You don't have to make
it on a weekend. You can choose any three days
and two nights of the week.

Why stay home? Again.

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suffered a purgative shot in the head
himself). For all that, Svedana docs not
shrink from recounting the foul record of
rests and political assassinations that
struck onetime friends and even family
in-laws. In so doing. she is sure to catch
the attention of professional Kremlinolo-
gists in search of further evidence, if
any was needed, that Stalin encouraged.
the creation of a secret-police apparatus
à saucacy so webbed and
» that in the end not even he w
absolutely free of its evil eye.

New American Library has brought
back New World Writing, the distin
guished paperback-book-magazine of the
Fifties, under the title New American Re-
view. It is t0 be published three times а
year: and if the first issue is any indica-
tion of the quality we cin expect, it is,
indeed, a welcome event. N. A. R. num-
ber one begins with a moving short story
by Victor Kolpaœlt about far-off but
nmediately pressing Vietnam
with William Gass Spoon Ziier-like
evocation of ап American Mid-
western small town. And in between,
there is an assortment of editorial riches:
Stanley Kaulhmann’s painfully honest а
count of his tenure as drama critic of The
New York Times, Benjamin De Mott's
humanistic defense of the homosexual in
rt; Theodore Roszak's sharp attack
п the abnegation by intellectuals of
their moral responsibilities. Other short
stories range from an account of a Wag
nerian Walpurgisnacht in old Dixie to a
tale of the flying of “the ultimate kite"
by some New York East Side hippies;
from a rich exercise in black humor, Brit-
ish style, by Mordecai Richler to some
пат. memoirs of a Newark boyhood
by Philip Roth. The roster of con
tributing poems includes 1 Dugan,
Anne Sexton, John Ashbery, Robert
Graves and Richard Eberhart. Perhaps
the two outstanding essays are Keith
Botsford’s exploration of the generational
gap between himself at 38 and a chick
hall his age and Conor Cruise O'Brien's
brilliant discussion of Fdmund Burke
nd Karl Marx. New American Review
number опе is more than just д son of
New World Writing. Under the editorial
aegis of Theodore Solotarolf, it has its
own timely character and cultural per-
sonality—and it is а winning onc.

Like many black intellectuals of his
generation, Stokely Carmichael, once a
nonviolent integrationist, has become a
hell-fire-and-brimstone preacher of black
power "by any means necessary.” This
phrase ominously connotes violence
among those means, but in Black Power
(Random House), Carmichael and co-
author Charles Hamilton have not written
a primer on guerrilla warfare in Ameri-
can cities. Instead, they focus on the po
litical means by which American Negroes
can achieve decisionmaking power

nd ends

over their lives. With. Hamilton, chair-
man of the Department of Political
Science at Roosevelt. University in Chi
cago. Carmichael presents a sober—and
sobering—argument in favor of black
separatism for some time to come. With
no foreseeable breakup of the ghettos
the authors contend that blacks must or
ganize thamselves—in order 10 take con-
trol of the ghettos. "Let any ghetto
group contemplating coalition,” the au
thors counsel, "be so tightly organized
so strong, that—in the words of Saul
Alinsky—it is an ‘indigestible body’ that
cannot be absorbed ог swallowed up."
Only after the black community is fully
organized, they assert, will it be possible
to consider specific alliances with whites
for specific goals. This thesis is but
tresed by distillations of past and recent
history. including instructive chapters on
the defeat of the Mississippi Freedom
Democrats at the 1964 Democratic Con
vention. the birth pangs of the Black
Panther Party in Lowndes County, Ala
bama, and “the politics of deference”
practiced by the black majority in Tus
Кецес. What is missing is a probing explo.
ration of precisely how to get the masses
of blacks in urban ghettos to organize
themselyes—the key problem in moving
black power beyond rhetoric and riots and
into constructive reality, That vital omis
sion aside. this book should end whites
mystification about what black power
means w these eloquent spokesmen,

RECORDINGS

I's been another good month for the
Commonwealth, A Hard Read (London)
the second album by John Mayall's
Bluesbreakers. finds the English quartet
in excellent form, Peter Green, оп vocal
and lead guitar, has proved a fiting
replacement for berter-known Eric Clap
ton: and May
nstramentaliz

Ls singing and multiple
g (organ, piano, harmon.

ica, five- and nine-string guitars) is at its
usual hi level. Also. as on the first

LP, the best tunes tend to be Mayall s
own—especially 1 Hard Road, Another
Kinda Love and Living Alone, One
the best and biggest single hits of the
year, A Whiter Shade of Pale, leads oll
the premiere LP by Procol Horum (Der
am). The quintet sustains the same high
level on the remaining nine songs. all

iginals, as it romps behind the crisp
g of leader Gary Brooker. The lat
es outing for Herman's Hermits, Bleze
(MGM), is a startling breakthrough
as the tightly organized quintet tackles
ambitious material to date
including its hit version of Don
Museum, Other winners ате Upstairs
Downstairs: 1 Call Out Her Name: One
Little Packet of Cigarettes; Last Buy
Home and the big Don't Go Out into the
Rain. Similarly, Hewers (London) is the

its most
vs

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ppd. Code JY110. Also available in
14K gold, JY170, $100.

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Playboy Club credit keyholders may charge.

besebalanced release so far by the Rolli
Stones, though it does contain sever
numbers available on previous LPs.
Standouts clude Backstreet Girl.
Mothers Lute Helper and Ride On,
Baby. Meanwhile, Eric Burdon and The
Animals are stirring up Winds of Chonge
(MGM) in an album that is charac
terized fully by failure as by success.
Mick Jagger's Paint I11 Black and Bur-
don's own apropos introduction lor it.
Poem by the Sea, both featuring. intense
backup from John Weiders electrified
olin, lead highlights that ence
blues-based Hotel Hell and Anything
and the upbeat Good Times and L's All
Meat. The quintet has taken to compos-
ing most of its own material aud,
highly tuneful and well aming
executed, the ollerings mostly suller from
weak lyrics. Still, this is a promising LP
and w worth li

ed. 3

Onward and upward with Lana Can
tell. Another Shade of tana (Victor), her
second LP, is even more commanding
debut recording, Variety and
otes as she opens
а jaunty rendition of
cient Yes Sir, That's My Baby
There are two beautiful ballads from A
Man and а Woman—Love [s Stronger
Far than We and The Shadows of Our
Love—the later made — particularly
sound-ellective by arranger-conductor
use of an introductory
to set the tempo. The hi
us. however, is Lana's pitch-
idling of the — poignant
Lennon-McCartney opus. She's Leaving
Home, in which the a Miss
Cantrell harmonizes with by
means of overdubbing. A vinyl encore
that rates bravos

рейса h

Duke Ellington's Far East Suite (Vic
tor) contains some of the best work d
by the orchestra in recent years Based

on impressions gathered. by the Duke
ad the late Billy Strayhorn on the
band's State Depariment-sponsored. tour
of the Near and Far East, the Suite is
filled with lovely melodic lines, Tush solo
work by Hod. vihon, et
al, and that orchestral sound that so
long has made Ell
with grex

es Brown. Ha

giton synonymous

Away We бе! (Reprise) is а Buddy
co spectacular. Sel has Buddy
pa

displayed such well-rounded vocal c
bilities. Here he may be heard
Antonio Carlos ws lovely bossa nova
Dindi, geving down home on Buck
Owen's Lwes Gonna Live Here nn.
belting on Born Free, and so on. In any

groove, Greco's a delight.

aresing
obi

Vibist Cal Tjaders preoccupati
Lat i
he hi

American jue and а is

les with imaginative

expertise,

Along Comes Cel (Verve), the latest in a
long line of topllight Latinoricmted

LPs recorded by Tjader & Co. finds Cal
playing within the context of two small

combos charted and conducted: by Chico
O'Farrill. One of the groups features the
piano of Chick Corea and the organ ol
Derck Smith, both of whom beautifully
complement Tjader,

A Peer, Paul & Mary etching is al
ways an adventure, and Album 1700 (Win
ner Bros) is no exception. P. P X M
radiate good fun kle some

fme material, such as Andersen's

s they 1
Eric

Rolling Home. Bob Dylan's Dream. ейт
own The Ji Love amd а funny
puody— is and the Papas,

Donovan a atles—titled 1 Dig
Rock and Roll Music. Ako in the folk
idiom is Triangle (Warner Bros.) by The

Beau Brummets, опе of the һем discs
ol the year. The strangely absorbing, teu
sile voice of lead si

outs ate the brooding Keeper of Tine.
the sad fe Won't Get Better and the
mbivalent dud Seen Her. And
Old Kentucky Home, one of ihe wo
tines not composed by the group. is a
head-back, chestout, swinging arrange
ment that wraps up a recording destined
k fans alike. Pearls
Before Swine, а folkish quartet, indice
оп One Ne Underground (ESP-Disk)
that they have been influenced almost
Пу by traditional folk ballad
and the rock ^ir roll of Bob Dyl:
they cm shake the Dylan inil
which approaches the level of
scious parody—they could tu to one
of the top folk-rock outhi around. Па
the meantime. the material is better than
average and there severa
moments. notably on Another Time.
Ballad to an Amber Lady ind The
Surrealist Waltz,

nce
unam-

Take heed, all you lovers of music 10
ainge to, Tony Randall is back with
another superlative assortment. of songs
from an ста now happily рам. Warm &
Wavery (Mercury) takes in such delights
as You Remind Me So Much of My
Mother that Yon Stole My Heart Away
and When Banana Skins Ave Falling (Ul
Соте Sliding Back lo You) Need we
go оп? hb suffices 10 say that Terrible
Tony's voice is more han a matdi for
the plethora of moldy oldies on hand

As we listened to Bee Goes! Ist (Асо)
the initial album by the most interesting
group 10 come out of Britain in more
than а year, we were struck by the quin
ters eclecticism. Here ae the blends of
post-Hevolver Beatles, the intensity ol a
Gene Pitney or а Spencer Davis, the
rocksolid swing of Motown, the big
band sound of the 1930s and the deli
cute renderings of baroque music. Bur as

Jerry Lewis found out
what makes the Crew-Sader

a Supersock. 48 terrific colors.
Crew-Sader by Xnter woven:

Another fine product of DË! Kaysce Roth.

PLAYBOY

The Give and Take Star

This is the Star to give. To ask for. It white gold with small diamonds. For
burns and shimmers in thelight. Spin- — her, a pear-shaped pendant or a Star
ning, flashing,alwayschanging,aLindé set starkly in platinum. Match earrings
Star never looks the same twice. to cufflinks or rings to rings. What
Maybe for him, a Star in 14 Karat matters is the Star.
Lindé

A Lindé Star to last a lifetime. In
Cornflower Blue, Claret Red, Shell
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we listened to the richly sensuous One
Minute Woman, the insistent Jn My Own
Time, their smash New York Mi
Disaster 1911, the Eleanor Righy-like
Cucumber Castle and the dri Can't
See Nobody, we were struck by ап even
more insistent influence present in the
Bee Gees’ work- at of the Everly
Brothers. The point was brought home
when we l The Everly Brothers Sing
(Warner Bros.) the latest vinylizing by
this vital duo. Here are the same beautiful
vocal stylings now combined with up-to-
date ditties and arrangements. Listeners
will delight at the put-down of a teaser in
the bouncy Do You, the tough hard-
rock of Somebody Help Me, the Gospel
fecl of Deliver Me and the warmth of
their own remarkable invention, / Don't
Want to Love You. Ws t to have
the Everly Brothers back: its hard to
remember their ever having been away.

Stand back, baby, here comes the
Monk / Straight, No Chaser (Columbia).
1 he good company of ten
and supported by
once more off
ide pi
bebop. a stream—all
grist for Monk’s mill. Be they stand:
such as Z Didn't Know About You and
Between the Devil and the Decp Blue
Sea or cent bit of Monk alchem
Japanese Folk Song, Thelonious man:
to pull surprises out of his sceming
bottomless bag-

A dass singer is Morgana King. Her
Gemini Changes (Reprise) bears this out
and then some. In her choice of mata
in her tasteful approach to both melody
and lyric, Miss King is invariably bull's
eye. Here, in a go-round orchestrated by
Don Costa, Morgana makes the most of 7
Have Loved Me а Man, Sunny, Once 1
Loved, Walk On By and others of simi-
larly superior ilk.

Bravo! Brubeck! (Columbia) represents
an allconquering foray by the Brubeck
Quartet south of the border. Recorded in
concert in. Puebl ad Mexico City, Bru

Desmond, Morello and Wri
y à Mexican percussio
k up a rousing chorus of

take dn such Latin
ds as Cielito Lindo, Bésame Mu-
ud Allá en el Rancho Grande, as
Nostalgia de México, which Bru
ed especially for the occasion.
The Mitchell Trio/Alive! (Reprisc) is an-
her triumph by the long lived folk trio.
Some of the funniest moments include
nock at the C. O. P. (What This Coun
пу Really Needs Is Another Movie Star)
and а spoof of Congress and. Adam Clay-
ton Powell on Adam’s Rib ("Не stole à

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PLAYBOY

lot, so what! Either you're a Congressn
or you're not”). Also included is Leaving,
on a Jet Plane, а fine new ballad by
Mitchell Trio member. John Denver. By
contrast, the new Chad. Mitchell. effort,
Love, a Feeling Of (Warner Bros.), is a dis:
appointment. Mitchell's singing has be
come increasingly stylized in a fake 1930s
Gennan-cabaret melodramatic mode. The
only cut to rie above the massive
mediocrity of the LP is Mitchell's reading
of his hit Suzanne, by the brilliant young
Canadian poet-novelistsongwriter, Leon
ard Cohen.

We can't think of any better way to
swing into the spirit of the yule than
with Kenny Burrcll's Have Yourself a Soul-
ful Little Christmas (Cadet). The
guitarist has cast out all the clichés
associated with While Christmas, My
Favorite Things, Twelve Days of Christ-
mas and the like and come up with a
whole new set of ideas, at once fresh,
tasteful and inventive, Burrell's cup of
Chrisimas cheer runneth over,

master

Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Johnny Mercer Song
Book (Verve) gives due credit to one of
the most successful wordsmiths in pop-
dom. Backed by Nebon Riddle, Miss
Fitz waxes wondrously lyrical with such
Mercer masterworks as Early Autumn,
Skylark, Travelin’ Light and Midnight
Sun, the last, one of Johnny's most mov
ing yet strangely negiected odes.

David An
considerable merit, is represented by a

nothing

about PRAE AIC I
ka yw oodie ЫШ eee

1S jazz-hlled, has incorporated much of that
ordinary

idiom in his music. One recording is made
up of his Concerto, per-
formed by two French horns, oboe aud

Precious, aged briar, hand-
picked from hundreds of burls,
is hand-worked, hand-rubbed

m. a young composer of

Shakespearean

points of view

viola, and а piano sonata played by
Mitchell Andrews. The other LP con
tains Amram’ Dirge & Variations, with
The Marlboro Trio, and a sonata for
to thesoft rich finishthatmakes | violin (Seymour Wakschal) and piano
E н 4 (Lalan Parrot). Amram’s compositions
it exclusively Kaywoodie.
н rA are marked by froh
A special rubber bitis hand- | clearly communicated.
turned, hand-fitted to feel just .
right in your mouth. Then the The Blues Project Live at Town Holl (Verve)
Drinkless Fitment that соп- | showcases a fine young-white-clectrified
denses moisture, traps tars and blues band. While the singing on the LP
irritants is added.

Jacks authority, the instrumental work is

Small wonder it looks, | Billy imaginative aud technically out
restes RTS Oray i nding. The best cut, however, is not
like no ordinary pipe. | ic ol the Project's 1h ellos but

Always mild, dry, full flavored.
There's just no other pipe
quite like Kaywoodie.

KAYWOODIE

(Electric) Flite Thin
and joyful romp.

whimsical, jazzy

One seldom hears Chuck Berry sides

on the format stations nowadays; more's

the pity, since the elder statesman ot
rock is groovier than ever. Chuck Berry
Send 816 for 48-poge catalog. to smoke a| im Memphis (Mercury) is an admirable
pines shoves pipes front $6.03 t тее T 5 lin
н A SY pr Dao aggregation of evergreens (Ramblin

and My Heart Will Always Belong
to You) plus new Berry noteworthies
such as the biting Back to Memphis, the
plaintive I Do Really Love You and
Goodnight Well I's Time to Go, which
Chuck usually sings at the close of a
concert. АП of the TT selections are per-
formed with sensitivity ad the
solid. Berry beat.

Rose

linesse

Another sterling example of the mar-
riage of rock and jazz is furnished by
Duster (Victor), leaturing the Gary Bur
оп Quartet. Jazzmen Burton, Steve
Swallow and Roy Haynes are joined by
rock guitarist Larry Coryell, who is very
much at home. Coryell is a marvel, com
bining the gutsy virility of rock with a
vintuow technique (dig One,
1-234); and Burton, of course, is one of
the best young vibists around

they make Duster a dramatic triumph.
The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem
in Concert (Columbia) is a tumultuous
experience, as the four cocky Irishmen,
as aggressive as Nore Dame
backfield, systematically break up a will-
ing audience with their boisterously
funny Eire—made especially
elective by some well-placed
ob tenderness, as in Blackwater’s Slide
and Winds oj Morni
Віа Brother and the Holding Company
(Mainstream) is the disappointing first
fling by the foremost
the West Coast. The group has not made
full ity greatest lead
singer Janis Joplin; shes featured on
only about hall the tunes. The crror is
compounded. by occasionally
disacting echo. The faulty recording
carries over 10 the instruments, 100; the
sound like
т. Bur Miss Joplin

the

songs of
amens

blues combo on

use ol srength

adding a

bricks

drums, for example
being slapped Loge
whose phrasing is as natural
Smith's and whose voice is as lusty as Ма

Raincy's,

as Bessie

is wuned loose on a superb

threesome. On the rocking Bye, Bve
Baby, her own imense Zniruder and the
biuer Women {х Losers, she turns in

performances that alone are worth tli
price of admission. Underground (Reprise),
the second session by the experimental
rock group The Electric 1
siderably bener than their
of the heady showstoppers include The
Great Banana Hoax, the hip Capt. Glory
and the very render 1 Happen to Love

mes, js con

first. Some

You. Their vocalizing has improved and
they have jelled instrumentally into a
Light. cohesive, experimental. hard-rock
sound.

The New Sound of To-

nmand) has a lot morc

Doc Severinsen
day's Big Band (C:
going for it than the booming hifi repro

for which the label is noted,
sen, on trumpet and Fliigelhorn,

duction
Sever

Satires, lampoons, spoofs and a^ LE p
parodies—that's what funny
books are made of.

And this is easily
the funniest book you'll
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and such illustrious sidemen as Dick
Hyman, Ernie Royal, Romeo Penque and
Vinnie Bell transmit an excitement that

transcends electronic gimmickry. The
ensemble work is powerful and polished
and the soloists strictly first chair as the
aggregation outdoes itself on Monday,
Monday: One, Two, Three; Soul and
Inspiration; and nine other nifties.

If Steve Gillette (Vanguard) had been
released three years ago, singer /song
writer Gillette would now be onc
of the big names in pop-folk. The per-
former displays a clear, expressive voice
on a delightlul set of fresh odes, includ-
ing eight written by himself. The Erlking
is a casic folk tragedy, Back on the
Sucet Again is ironic scltanalysis, 4
Number and a Name sounds like а good
Tom Paxton and You Don't Know Her
Like 1 Do is an effective foray into folk
rock, Bruce Langhorne and Dick Rosmini,
two of folk-rock's foremost guitarists, pro-
vide sterling backdrops. Two other recent
albums provide some i n of
where irs at in pop-folk songwriting
these days. Gillette's Darcy Farrow sets
the tone on folksy (Victor) by George
Hamilton IV. The gentle country singer
runs through a fine collection that in-
dudes Gordon Lightloot’s Go Co Round,
Donovan's Colours, Joni Mitchell's Urge
for Going and John D. Loudermilks
Break My Mind. Joan Baer’ eighth LP is

dhange of pacc for the queen of folk
music, as she brings her pure approach
to songs as disparate as the traditional
Greenwood Side and Paul Simon's Dan-
gling Conversation. Also included
Joan (Vanguard) are works by Donovan,
McCartney and Lennon, Jacques Brel,
Tim Hardin, Riduud E and that
past master of the topical opus, Edga
Allan Poe, whose Annabel Lee is a high
point of the LP.

When somebody makes old Muddy
Waters feel young, the results are sensa
tional. On Super Blues (Checker), the
dean of Chicago's blues shouters collabo-
rates with Bo Diddley and Little Walter.
The eight indigo classics—inctuding
Long Distance Call. My Babe and You
Can't Judge a Book by Its er —a4re
vehicles for interaction. as the stars inter-
rupt, latter and berate one another. The
Waters

competition is intense, but as
puts it, he's the champ.
The Willy Nilly Wonder of Ill
by The Back Porch Majority, is pure
The Majortys milicu is light
hearted satire, and they bring it off with
literate lyrics, uninhibited singing and
y rhythms out of
meskiflle-band trad They can
even make you laugh at Jack the Ripper.
The Dynamic ©. С. Smith (Columbia) is a
debut album of special merit by thc

ion (Epic).

fun

former Basic singer, Accompanied by an
allstar combo and encouraged by an ap
preciarive audience, Smith swings through
That's Life. Georgia Rose, Here's That
Rainy Day and eight others. The album
places O. C. in the front rank of an in
creasingly тате breed—mate j

Sonny Rollins always sounds like a
man in pursuit of something he can nev-
er quite анай. An echo of melancholy
pervades Rollins tenor work, even at its
most robust, and East
Down (Impulse!) is no exception. It's Son
nys suiving for the unattainable that
makes his work so consistently inventive
personal and really the epitome of what
jazz is all about, With Rollins are drum
mer Elvin Jones, bassist Jimmy Garrison
and that splendid. trumpet man, Freddie
Hubbard. A fine recording.

Glen Campbell is a fuent. singer
guitarist whose style is basically country
and western, with a pop flavor; whats
more, he sings good songs, which makes
Gentle on My Mind (Capitol) a capital disc.
Gentle, by John Hartford, is a uniquely
lovely tone рост: most of the ten other
Donovan's Catch
the Wind, sustain the lyrical mood,

ngers.

Broadway Run

selections, including

Stevie Wonder, Motown's child prodi-
gy. is growing up—and becoming one of
the best soul singers around, as he
proves on 1 Was Made to Love Her (Tamli)
Besides the title hit, the dozen numbers
include the moving—and difheult—soul
standards Bobby Bland's / Pity the Fool.
James Brown's Please, Please, Please,
Lloyd Price's Send Me Some Lown’ aud.
a flock of tamiliar Motown oldies. Our
only complaint is the scarcity of Stevie’s
puckish harmonica

tile Games (Epic) by the always ex
citing Yardbirds demonstrates that the
group now has a g
influenced. by some of the fic
tenderness that have Lutely characterized
The Roll Stones amd The Who. The
title lilt is about growing up and features
a fine lyric and a topllight arrangement:
White Summer is a vemarkable combina-
tion of Near Easter and folk music:
Only the Black Rose is haunting folk-
rock; aud the olf-key trumpet on Little
Soldier Boy іх an ironic comment on wit.

Ray Charles he isn’t, but on Bill Cosby
Sings/Süver Throat (Warner Bros), the
crack comic more than holds his own in
ihe vocal department. The mood is
soul and Cosby demonstrates a marked
ability to get to the nub of the nitty
griuy on the likes of Little Ole Man and
1 Got а Woman, А ple e

tler sound, obviously

an and

ant surpr

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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR

[| have been going with my fiancée for
months, but we did not make love
until last Saturday night. We had come
back to her apartment from a party at
which we'd had a lot to drink, Because
of that and our excitement, we failed to
lake the necessary precautions (in spite
of the fact that she was at the height of
her fertility cycle). Early the next morn-
ig. we decided that some precaution was

Deuter late than never," so T picked up

1
some suppositories that are sup-
posed 10 Kill sperm after intercourse. My

question. is this: Who should get the
Green Stamps the druggist gave me with
the purchase2—L. J. San Francisco,
California.

Save the stamps for a layette. There's
no such thing as a retroactive spermicide.

Bas Christmas 1 was given a reproduc
tion of an English drinking vessel called
а yard of ale, which, of course, is a yard
tall. What's the purpose of this unwieldy
glass—other than its being a conversation
piece?—C. L., Bronxville, New York.
The yard-ofale drinking glass, опе of
the tallest vessels known to bibbing man,
was used primarily in England during
the 17th and 15th Centuries, Then, it
served a twofold function: (1) Roud-
side tavern keepers kept the glass handy
so that pint-sized barmaids could casily
pass a long, cool drink up to stagecoach
drivers who preferred to remain aboard
and keep control of the horses; (2)
brave quafj[vmen celebrated proclamations
of national or
heroically chugaluging йу contents.

local importance by

WM, position would be considered en-
viable by most of my peers. I'm a college
senior who is very friendly with an
tractive airline stewardess. She has sug-
gested that we spend a week together at
a secluded Arizona resort

My problem is that although she's the
most stimulating and affectionate woman
Гуе ever known, I have not gotten over
my last айай. in which 1 was brutally
jilted. Every time I mi ke love with this
girl. I think of my last love: and no
tter what she does for me, I feel bitter
and can't fully respond. I like her very
much, but the ghost of the past is always
coming between us. Do you think the
proposed trip would help me overcome
the problem, or do you think it would
only aggravate it?—D. Т. Boulder,
Colorado.

The trip сап only help. No amount
of will or concentration will obliterate
the memories of your last айайт. Quite the
opposite: It will keep the memories alive.
Time itself will ultimately do the job.

But you can help it along by deepening
your new relationship: and nothing will
accelerate that process better than a week
together at a secluded resort.

FRecently 1 inherited a handsome port
folio of common stocks; therefore, q
suddenly I've become an interested reader
of the financial pages. Although T can
interpret the daily figures about n
stocks I would like to know precisely
at the Dow-Jones Industrial Average
J. K. Chicago, Illinois

The Dow-Jones Industrial Average
reflects the average price of certain. in-
dustrial stocks. Of the many published
stock indexes, the D. J.I. А. is the oldest
and the mosi watched—by investors
trying to see what the market as а whole
is doing. The components of the Average
are 30 widely owned and heavily traded
industrial stocks, mostly of the blue-chip
variety. The figure is compiled hourly by
Dow Jones and Company, which owns
The Wall Sweet Journal and runs a
financial news service. Critics of the
D. J. 1. А. say it doesn't give a real picture
of what all stocks are doing. This is part
Dy true; the 50 stocks in the D, J. I. 4.
comprise only 2.7 percent of the 1100.
plus stocks trated on the New York
Stock Exchange. However, this 2.7 per-
cent accounts for about one third of the
market value of all shares on the ex
change. The Average has been computed
since 1897, but only one stock—General
Electric—has. remained on the list all
along, since the make-up of the Average

has been changed from time to time
lo keep up with changes in American
industry.

WI, tiule daughter is very affectionate
and is always crawling ошо my lap for a
hug or a kis. I thought this was natural
and proper, but a friend tells me that lit-
Пе girls who receive too much cuddling
from their fathers grow up to seek such
warm-body contact everywhere—that is,
they become sexually promiscuous. Is
this uue?—B. D., San Mateo, Calilornia,

If anything, the opposite is truc. Not
only is physical affection harmless for
your child but there is definite harm in
depriving the child of that afjection. Per
haps your friend was stating a confused
version of a wellknown prychological
finding—that women who have the few.
est repressional hang-ups are predomi
nanily those who freely received physical
affection as children. He apparently
doet understand, however, thal these
women are not usually distal] Don Juans:
оп the contrary. their sexual relationships
tend to be unusually deep and long-
making them choice candidates

man

named
Getz.

In jazz, styles change, trends live and
die, performers rise and fall. Occasion-
ally, however, an artist comes along who
breaks all the rules and creates his own
special status. An artist esteemed by his
fellow artists and yet apart from them by
virtue of the security of his talent, his
Strength, his inventiveness. Such a man
is Stan Getz. In his own words, Stan is
"just a melody player." But he has won
more polls and awards than any sax-
ophonist in the history of jazz.

Verve Records is proud to present Stan's
fantastic album..

SIAN GETZ
SWEET RAIN

V/V6-8693
This is what one reviewer had to say
about it:

“Sweet Rain.” А yk x Ж yk Downbeat

...Getz is one of the great jazz players
when he really wants to be, which is
certainly the case on this record... .. Call
it exploratory, if you will, but not in the
sense that Getz is trying something just
for the hell of it—he isn't; he knows ex-
actly vihere he's going but he doesn't
take obvious routes to get there. And it's
an almost-psychedelic trip. Nor is all
this at the expense of lyricism, of which
Getz is a master. Within those convolute,
heated improvisations are passages of
astonishing lyrical beauty—but never the
sort that can be predicted; everything is
new. ,.. This is a remarkable album.”
Don DeMichael

The Sound of the Now Generation is on

Verve Records is a division of Metro-Golawyr-Mayer Inc.
Also Available On Ampex Tape,

PLAYBOY

had: vented

skiing what
would they
have inventec
` to drink

‚afterward?

Н |
Irish Mist Coffee. Made ;
with Irish Mist Liqueuz*. »

Add a jigger to black coffee.
Top with whipped cream,
and sip slowly through the
cream. It’s,as different from
regular Irish Coffeeas flavor
isfrom fire. When you come
in from the cold, have an
Irish Mist Coffee. And be

‚ happy thelrish havea

‘taste for indoor sports. »

80 PROOF, HEUBLEIN, INC.
HARTFORD, CONN., SOLE IMPORTER. U.S.A.

for successful marriage. The compulsively
promiscuous woman, on the other hand,
is almost always a fractured female whose
ability to accept genuine affection. was
stifled by cold aud rejecting parents.

White dining а

м not long ago.
ng situation occurred. My fiancée had.
ordered a medium steak (I ordered lob
ster); however, when her meat
it Was very rare, Does etiquette require
that I stop eating and wait Гог her
to be cooked longer or should 1 cox
with my meal while s
La Crosse, Wisconsi

Rather than spend uncomfortable
minutes stalling aver your lobster, simply
return it with the steak and let the chef
keep it warm for you.

There are times wi
or petting with a girl
usually without any ри
stop. Such moments а
lem for me. | figure this means one of
three things: 1. She really wants me to
She is testing my masculine
sertiveness and hopes I won't stop. 3
She thinks she wants me to stop. but
deep down she really doesn’t and would
yield if 1 ignored her request. To sum
up. Ise been confused by the old
A womans no y
don't want to be an obedient Chump:
neither do I want to come on like a
rapist. How do you suggest D as
what the naysaying young lady
n Dodge Сиу. Kansas.

Certainly not by asking her. Be firm
but not forceful. 1. 1f you persist and she
really wants you to stop, she'll let you
know with conviction: in that case, yield
to her 2. If she's testing your

n Im
па she tells m
at conviction—to

ned

e always а prob-

мор.

always me

wishes, 2
masculine assertiveness, you'll have passed
the test splendidly. 3. If she thinks she
пу you to мор but really doesn’t,
you'll have made the decision for her;
“deep down” she'll probably thank you,
because gils wha are ambivalent about
sex generally need and want a confident
male to lead the way.

Fhe heard that the major airlines main-
tain “million-miler” clubs for people who
: by plane. Members

y use the private lounge ir
terminal and generally are treated like
VIPS. Сап you tell me the names of some
of the clubs and the criteria for accept.
. S. Santa Barbara, Califor
The best-known clubs ате the Ad-
miral's Club (American), the Club 2000
(dir France), the President's Club (Con-
tinental), the Ambassadors Club (TWA),
the Clipper Club (Pan American) and
the 100,000 and Million. Mile clubs
(United). Membership requirements vary
from one company to another. Probably

at the

the most exclusive is Air Franc which
limits its lit of members to 2000 emi-
nent international commuters who fly
consistently ou. dir France aircraft. Mast
other clubs extend membership lo сих
tomers who meet a minimum mileage vc
quirement. You can obtain эре
membership information with а call. to
Ihe airline of your choice.

botilenec

апу able recordings by
specialize in this rechniquez—B.
Hudson. New York

Originated decades ago in the deep
South by Negro blues musicians, “bottle
neck” guitar playing involves tuning the
instrument ta an open chord, then slid-
ing a bottleneck. a lipstick cap or a metal
bar up and down the keyboard to pro
duce different notes, The bottleneck
style docsn't allow for much complexity.
harmonically or melodically, but can
remarkably penetrating tones
Today the tradition is perpetuated most
ly by folklorists and фу little-known
blues shouters who have kept the coun
try styles. alive city ghettos.
Some of the most authentic musicians
who have been recorded using the bot
пенек style ате Robert Johnson, Bukka
White, Son House. James and
Muddy Waters—who wears a ringlike
piece of metal on his pinkie so he can
achieve a bottleneck sound while finger
ing his instrument.

produce

in the big

Elmore

Bia а college freshman and last month
1 pledged for the prestige fraternity

on campus AIL the brothers are great
guys except. for onc—and becuse of
him, Д have to split the scene. You see,

le ad

vances lo me. In the small town where I

he's а homosexual. and he has m:

grew up. such deviant behavior didn't
exist, and T just don't know how to han
dle it in a cool way: Гуе got to get out.

s that 1 don't want to hurt
al the fraternity. How cam
only a month without
wave of curiosity and suspi-
Чоп on the campuse—D. Z., Berkeley,
Californi

Did you say he was a homosexual or
an ax murderer? The alarmed tone of
yonr letter makes it sound like the laties
Irs doubtful that this fellow will make
pases ab you again, having been
buffed; but if you [eel vo threatened by
his presence, resign for personal reasons
We've sure the Berkeley campus is both
sophisticated enough and concerned
enough with veal problems not to let
your resignation cause an uncontrollable
wave of “curiosity and suspicion”

creating

planning
definite duration
styles—buttondown

trip to Australia of in
1 wonder if American
ıs, traditional

loafers and other items with which Im
well supplied—will be appropriate. Or
should 1 plan on drobe, to be
ated by styles therc?—D. R., Ashe
North Carol

Your American wardrobe will be cor-
rect in Australia,

Clan you see an argument Tm hav-
ing with my gir? 1 maintain that the
ity belt," to prevent а woman from
having intercourse, once actually existed,
but she insists that the whole thing was a
myth created by writers such as Ci
and Boccaccio. Who's ri
please tell us something about the рга
tice and its history.—M. L, Denver,
Colorado.

You're right. The chastity belt actually
existed and was in sporadic use from the
15th to the 19th Centuries. Samples ате
on display in museums. throughout the
world. A much cruder method of enfore-
ing female chastity was practiced even
earlier, in Africa and the Orient. This
was infibulation, or sewing up of the vag-
inal labia (lips) al puberty. The stitches
were cut by the husband after marriage
and resewn if he went on a trip. His-
fovians speculate that contact with this
custom, via the Crusades, led Europeans
fo invent the moie ingenious “girdle of
chastity.” which usually consisted of a
metal device with openings large cnough
10 allow the ehnunative Junctions but too
small for sexual. penetsation. The first
mention of such a contraption occurs in
an Malian manuscript of 1109. There was
theoretically only one key, held by the
husband; but (wasn't long before
humorous stories began circulating, most
of them involving treacherous locksmiths
and duplicate (ov triplicate) keys. Use of
this cruel device declined with the rise
of rationalism; but as late as August 10.
1897, the U.S. Government granted a
patent (number 587,991) to ove Michael
McCormick of San Francisco for a “male
chastity belt” Jor fathers to put on their
adolescent sons in order to pre
turbation, The only similar chastity de
vice still in use, called “doggie breeches,”
is employed by breeders of pedigreed
dogs. Ll is fastened upon the hindquarters
of a female to keep her from unpedisveed
impregnation—or, as one crude зей said,

10 ensine that no son oj а bitch born in
this kennel will be a bastard.”

cnt mas

Al reasonable questions—]rom. fash-
ion, food and drink, hi-fi and sports cars
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette
will be personally answered if the
writer includes a stamped, self-addresed
euvelupe. Send all letters to The Playboy
Ишт. Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi-
gun Ave. Chicago, Minois 60611. The
most provocative, pertinent queries will
be presented on these pages each month.

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to their keys.

Pre

. Introducing a crazy
gimmick that makes sense.

The Gimmick is called Automatic Tuning.

Andit goes on a whole new different
kind of Panasonic Radio.

Instead of twisting, turning, dialing
or sliding totune the Panasonic
Automatic Tuning Radio, all you do is
press your finger down on the tuning bar
and watch the radio "home in" on the
station you're looking for.

IsitaGimmick?

Of course itis. But you'll hear
some of the finest sound you've ever heard
on any radio anytime or anywhere.

Because the Panasonic Automatic
Tuning Radio picks up the most powerful
signal from any station. Leaving you

TOW ATE (лю)

withnothingto do but listen to beautiful
music. Or beautiful news. Or a beautiful
ball game.
When you want to switch stations, just
touch the automatic tuning lever and,
poof, you're listening to the next station.
Here are four of the Automatic Tuning
(Radar-Matic*) Radios in the Panasonic line.
First, there's the Power-Mate. The.
most versatile automatic tuning radio you
can buy. It's more than a portable.
It's a car radio, too, with FM, AM and
Marine Bands. You can be riding along
listening to a Beethoven symphony,
and when you leave the car take
the symphony with you.

raeeserren (ar sona

Then comes the 4-speaker Executive.
Thefirst FM/AM and FM stereo radio with.
automatictuning.

Following that comes the Pacesetter.
It’s an FM/AM portable with automatic
tuning.

If you're looking fora small
automatic tuning radio that you can take
with you wherever you go, youmay
consider the Touch т Tune.

So, go into any store that carries
the Panasonic line and ask tosee the
Automatic Tuning Radios.

We have a funny feeling that you'll
admit there's finally a machine that
cando something better than you can do.

жолти ue)

топон ек төө (клен)

PANASONIC.

200 PARK AVENUE, NEW YORK 10017

PLAYBOY'S INTERNATIONAL DATEBOOK
BY PATRICK CHASE

JF you've only recently decided to at-
tend the Tenth Winter Olympic Games
in Grenoble, France, from February 6
ıo 18, you'll still be able t» acquire
accommodations within easy commuting
distance of Olympic sites. The Alpine
towns of Aix-les- Bains and Cha
both about an hour's drive from G
ble—plan to provide daily transport
to the games. If you're a ski bull, head
Tor France's famed Alpine winter havens
of Courchevel, Val d'Isère and Tignes—
all of which will be sending buses into
noble for the Olympically indined.
lE you'd rather be based in a sizable,
ging city, plan to stay im Geneva,
ad, 90 miles northeast of Greno-

ble:

trai ly runs to Grenoble
(and back) in less than two hours.
Located on the western shore of Lake
Geneva, Switzerland's most cosmopoli-
tan city is so serenely picturesque that it
may sem almost antiseptic; jt isn't
Many of Geneva's night spots remain
open until four А.м. and so companion-
able and complaisant are Gencvese wom-
en that only a very [ew prostitutes will
ever be found strolling the streer Thi

just no demand for the

The easiest way to тесі a Swiss miss
is to wander into the Grand Casino,
lively ballroom where, after putting your
best foot forward on the dance floor,
boule,

Newdound femme in hand, you'll en-
hance your acquaintance by taking her
on a tour of the city's brighter aft
attractions. The huge, three-tiered Moulin
Rouge, La Tour and Le
present lloorshows and discotheque ауе
dance music. For jazz, visit the Blue
Note, which 1
n and Am
If you still have your girl in tow the
following day, ask her to show you the
jewelry shops of the Rue du Rhone and.
Rue du Marché; it will be hard to re-
sist the bargain prices offered on such
wrist those

watches as
get, Audemars Piguet,
Girard-Perre and Jacger-Le Coultre.

When evening arrives once more,
you'll be well advised to sample the pro-
tean pleasures of dining in
majority of the city's restau
French food; Le Gentilhomme, Au Fin
Bec and Le Béarn are among the most
favored meccas for Gallic gastronomes.
Geneva's array of firsirate international
restaurants no les Lucullan. For
Spanish ci e—ás well as for a spirited
flamenco show following dinner—yisit

wellwrought

produced by Pi
iu

the Don Quijote. Roberto's serves up the
best It n food in town, and Chinois
and Au Dragon d'Or dispense appetizing
Oriental fare.

When the Olympiad has run its course
and you return to the U. S, you might
want to top off your holiday at the Lake
G i—in Wisconsin, where the sec-
ayboy Club-Hotel (the first in
ca) will open this spring. Situated
just 75 miles northwest of Chicago and
45 miles southwest. of lwaukee, the
new $9,000,000, 900-acre hutch will be a
manor in the grand manner for knowl-
edgeable vacationers.

Upon arrival, you'll be shown into one
of the resorts 300 fully airconditioned

rooms. ‘The seven-building hotel complex
offers seven different types of opulently
appointed | accommedations—including
such sybaritic accouterments as fireplaces

and well-stocked bars. Once ensconced, you
may want to browse through the shopping
arcade for a wide variety of vacation needs
before venturing outdoors to sample the
hoy playgrounds year-round sport-
life. Springtime will offer an almost
Olympic assortment of athletic options:
horschack riding over 90 miles of wood-
ed bridle paths; tennis on four champion-
ship courts; sailing on Lake Geneva or
the 25acre lake created for the Club-
Hotel: for largemouthed bass;
swimming ither the indoor or out-
door pool, and skeet and trapshooting, to
mention but a few. The lure of the links,
however, will be Playboy's outstanding
warm-weather attraction for weekend
sportsmen, The Club-Hotel’s lavishly
landscaped 18-hole golf course is a 7100-
yard par-72 layout as eyecatch
is challenging. And next w
will schuss down Playboy-prepared slopes
—the best in the Midwest- the bor-
tom of which a luxurious lod
dedicated to the pleasures of après-ski.
Throughout your action-packed da
and ht Playboy diningand
establishmenis—from the easy
informality of the Living Room to the
ambiance of the VIP Room
be available to every guest, depending on
his mood, appetite and attire. Aud alte
din is will be just as
varied and plentiful, ranging from disco
dancing in the Bunny Bar to firstrun
films in the Little Theater to top show-
busines stars appearing in the Penthouse.
In short, Playboy has planned its newest
Club-Hotel as a compleat retreat for the
sophisticated city dweller; sec you thi
this spring
For[uriherinformalion,writeto Playboy
Reader Service, Playboy Building, 919
N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Hl. 60611.

cleg

divertisseme

after
shave,
after
shower,

after anything

Brut by Fabergé...

if you have any doubts about yourself,
try something else.

PLAYBOY

Revlon’s great gift
to 20^ Century Man
may be his hair

Look for а man who says he doesn't care about The remarkable anti-dandruff agent that it con-
his hair. And you'll probably find a man who tains has been combined with a fine, non-greasy
isn't telling you the truth. Because of this univer- pue A hairdressing any man would
sal maleconcern, Revlon scientists <a | enjoy using daily. And regular use

have worked for years to improve
thecondition of the hair and scalp.
And now, the announcement can
be made of a remarkable discov-
ery. A unique medical agent com-
bined with a method of treatment
that truly alleviates dandruff.

New ZP"! Anti-Dandruff
Hairdressing. A hairdressing cre-
ated by the laboratories of Revlon,
that doctors report has brought
actual, visible results in 3 out of
every 4 cases tested.

Will ZP!! positively work
for you? The odds are all in your
favor. Eminent dermatologists
have tested ZP!! on hundreds of
dandruff cases, both simple and
severe. ZP'! was the answer in 5
out of every 4 cases tested. After
regular use of ZP'!, even severe

is the key. ZP!! succeeds because
medication stays on your scalp day
after day. None is lost, as in wash-

away shampoos.

How soon could ZP!! work
for you? Doctors noted that in

| most cases, maximum benefits

were obtained in fromone to three
weeks. And once your dandruff is
under control, ZP'! can actually
keep it under control indefinitely.

Even if itcouldn't doa thing
about dandruff, you'd like what
ZP! does for your looks. It's a
pleasantly unobtrusive, non-greasy
cream hairdressing with
a fresh, clean masculine
scent. And while it holds
your hair, new ZP!! works
on dandruff che way no
weckly shampoo cver can.

cases of flaking, scaling, itching, burning and Find out about ZP!!, the first Anti-
crusting were under control. Dandruff Hairdressing. It's guaranteed
Why is ZP!! so successful? Because it is Бу the Men's Division of the world

32 thefirst continuous action anti-dandruff formula. renowned Revlon Research Laboratories.

THE PLAYBOY FORUM

an interchange of ideas between reader and editor
on subjects raised by “the playboy philosophy"

PLAYBOY AND LAW REFORM

The Idaho Legislative Council Com-
mine on Criminal Law is ситем
ged in a comprehensive study. de-
signed 10 recodily and modernize the
criminal statutes of this state. One of the
primary areas of concern of the commit
tec will be the statutes dealing with sex-
ual offenses. As a source ol b
material, we would like to abt
The

Playboy

of a complere st of
Philosophy.

à H. Schlechte, Director

uive Council

, Idaho
Done.

CLERGY AND LAW REFORM
seem more and more 10 be
joining Hefner im his cruxude
archaic and unfair sex laws. Recently. the
Episcopal Diocese of California urged
the abolition of all state laws governing
sexual relations in private between con-
adults, The chairman of the
п Committee on Sexual Problems,
Mis. Donovan Cooke, pointed out, as
Hefner has so often done, that, ас
cording to present laws, “most of us
including married couples—are living in
some kind of sin.”

€. Boothe

San Francisco, California

senting
Dioces

CANADIAN LAW REFORM

Here in Canada, the. battle for sexual
freedom is being won slowly but surely.
The government has promised to revise
our antiquated divorce laws and to repeal
the law against birth-control devices and
ags Almost all religious groups,
cluding the Ri Catholic bishops,
port these measures. A proposed abortion
bill is run 10 some opposition, but
it hay the support of the Canadian Medi-
cal Association, the Canadian. Asso-

tion everal powerful women's
groups. There is talk of a revision of the
obscenity statutes of the Canadian Crimi-
nal Code, and the long-taboo subject of
homosexuality is being publicly discussed.

More and more people in high places
the cou

have to speak our on the
side of sanity in such matters, I feel that
rrAYBOY сан take a great deal of the
edit lor t

John D. Kenney
Windsor, Ontario

PLAYBOY IN PRISON

In the February Playboy Forum, the
Reverend Thomas E. Sagendorf urged
the Ohio. Penitentiary to allow inmates
legal access t0. PLAYBOY, on the grounds
that its fiction and articles are excellent
and that its “pinups can serve the func
tion of providing a more healthy hetero-
sexual outlet in lieu . . . of the bondage
ıo a homosexual outlet, which this
institution. by 2, both fos
ters and perpetuates.” When a contr
il copy of that isme reached me
—тлувоу had also been forbidde
the Maryland House of Correction—I
was prompted lo write to the M: ad
Commisioner оГ Joseph
Cannon. b argued ihat the Reverend
gendorl'srecommendation that PLAYBOY
be considered. approved. reading matter,
though rejected in Ohio. might be imple-
med iu Maryland. Last night, 1 re
ceived an answer from the warden's
office: 1 may now legally subscribe to

very natu

Conection,

to PLAYIOY
tremendous morale booster,
will provide an educated approach to
liberal ideas and will, to some exient,
decrease tie homosexuality problem here

My request for a su
enclosed.

scription is

Edward H. Parry
Maryland House of Correction
Jesup. Maryland

HOMOSEXUAL CURE

PLAYBOY is to be commended for dis-
cussing homosexuality as frankly as it
discusses heterosexu:

Sevi
І sought
chiatrist
normal life fi

1 was a homosexual.
ived the help of a psy-
I have led a
e years, Soon
wondi and

а result,
the past i
а very

cure," there
will be cases where psychiatrists will not
be able to chin;
tation. T would like to stress that an indi
vidual should have the right to conduet
his life as he desives and to make his own
decisions. In a sane society, homosexual
and heterosexual. individuals should be
able to live work harmoniously,
without fear or hatred.

(Name withheld by request)

Jadianupolis. Indiana

Та spite of my successful

homosexual's orien

and

PROFESSIONAL

PLAYMATES

Complete your
stereo system with the
Sony
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The brilliantly professional Sony
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recording amplifiers and playback pre-
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And a set of specs designed to put your
speakers to the test of excellence. Fre-
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ratio: minus 52 db. Flutter and wow:
under 0.09% . The 350's black and gold
decor is complemented by a hand-
somely luxurious walnut-grain.base. It's
all yours to enjoy for under $199.50.
Should you want to add portability
to your 350, there's the 350C, mounted
in a dark gray and satin-chrome
carrying case, at less than $219.50.
For further information write, Super-
scope, Inc., 8150 Vineland Ave., Sun

Valley, Calif.
SUPERSCOPE , |

SON

PLAYBOY

ва

liven il

SPARKLING SODA

up!

ON TAP ALL THE TIME WITH

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REFILLABLE SYPHON

Turn tap water to sparkling club soda
...anytime, anywhere. A quart and a
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Holds 50 per cent more than conven-
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Fresher, too. And so easy... fill
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insert one Sparklet cartridge... it's
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sodas, phosphates. The perfect bar
accessory .. . the ideal gift. Suggested
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If unavailable locally, send
check or money order to:

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Box of
ten Sparklet
bulbs
$1.50

BISEXUAL INSECURITY
A society that makes a
out a victim is far sicker tha
perpetrator of that a
ı. à productive member of society
sexual. 1 resent the constant
of exposure that hangs over my
head because 1 occasionally indulge in
ual relations. I happen to be en-
а so-called cla

were E required
to choose between personal exposure and
betrayal of my country, 1 would choose
without hesitation to let my homosexual
behavior be revealed—and that my
county would repay my fidelity with
persecuti

(Name and address
withheld by request)

HOMOSEXUAL ARRESTS

After reading several letters in The
Playboy Forum regarding police enuap-
ment of homosexuals, E feel that it's ume
for a few words Irom someone on. the
other side. 1 have been a police officer
lor seven years, and recently was given
а six-month assignment with the homo-
ма] detail, The police depariment had
received numerous complaints of homo-
xual activity in the public rest room of
a large shopping center. Heterosexual
men were being propositioned verbally
and physically—this is all we wanted to
eliminate. Both my partner and I dressed
conservatively, in Levis, sport shirt and
loafers, We never employed verbal ad
vances or other enticements to l in
aking our arresis—all of which were
le because the subjects reached under
а partition to grope our legs or grabbed
our genitals at the urinal.

1 have no complaint if homosexuals en-
joy themselves in private; but when they
begin t0 extend their activities to public
rest rooms, they should be arrested.

James P. Wittenberg
San Jose, Califor

Unhappily for homosexuals, not all
police officers conduct themselves with
the commendable restraint practiced by
you and your partner. Sec the following
letters.

“SAVE A QUEER FOR МЕ!“
Lamah . a creature of
а heart; 1 have
re whatever I
have with them. I work hard
been successful. However, althou
not rob or kill or defraud, | am a
criminal. because T am a homosexual.
I remember last New Year's Eve. The
Angeles police raided a small,
ndly “gay” bar and beat and kicked
of the customers into submission.
ave a quecr for

som
One cop kept selling,
Why should innocent people enjoy-
the company of their own kind be
ibjeaed to such brutality?

I have lived my 33 years honestly and

have dedicated myself to helping others.
1 served in the U.S. Navy and received
п honorable discharge. 1 hold the
Purple Heart for service in Kore:

Tf Lam а criminal (and the law
am), I guess 1 can look forward to
sentence some day or other. H this ba

pens, will the country be better off? Who
what am I harming merely by my
existence?

( withheld by request)
Los Angeles,

HELL IN PARADISE

Here in Honolulu, as in every other
major city throughout the United State
the local vice squad is actively engaged
in entrapments; and, since the cops al
ways work in pairs and continually lie
for cach other, the courts take their word
St Char of the accused.
Iam a veteran of the Korean conflict,
ith ам honorable discharge. and I con
possible to my com
I happen to be

munity. Му proble
homosexual,
A lew mo
lowed me
kiki beach and stood very close to
the winal. He proceeded 10 reve:
self in my direction in such a manner
that 1 could not help but look. Now, il
lovely young gitl stood very near to you
and revealed her naked breasts, would
you not becom
to me. Then the young man thpped out a
badge and said that T was under arrest.
A police van was called. Iu court. I
pleaded not guilty. bur when my tial
came up. the arresting officers Ней and
said that Twas masturbating at the
- in full public view, After the judge
чашну, my whole life ch

said

kes to call icelf "the tropical
but the vice squad has turned.
it imo a tropical hell for me
me withheld by request)
Honolulu, Hawaii

LAVENDER BLUECOAT

Add this to your file on police han
dling of homosexuals. Our present laws
not only encou and en-
pment but also create episodes such as
the following. While waiting at a bus
stop. a police officer, in uniform but in
an unmarked car, stopped and asked me
wed a ride. T am decidedly ef
s aud it was obvious that he
1 de-
wait
for the bus. away, but
circled the block and returned to
n if T wanted a lift. Again I de
When he returned for the second
cepted the lift, He then drove
to a secluded spot and asked me t0 т
move my trousers. 1 was rel int а
declined. However, when he told mi
that if 1 didn't submit, he would take

him I w:
He drove

'The watch for calendar collectors
who don't know what day it is.

It’s pretty tough to sell a military
man on a new kind of calendar. But
we're going to try anyway.

First of all, our Day ‘n’ Date watch
keeps itself up to date. There aren't
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Second of all, our Day ‘n’ Date
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Ron Rico. Wasnt he

the top kick who introduced
The Panther Tango at the
Officers Club?

PLAYBOY

An understandable error. Ronrico is smooth,
seductive, Latin. So you might connect it with the tango.

in Puerto Rico (where the light, dry rums come from).
One sip and you'll never again mistake it
for anything else.

Even the Panther Tango. = -
But Ronrico's a rum. The lightest, driest-tasting rum made У
Cha cha cha. 0

Ronrico. A rum
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A Ж £ E AP

Does a girl go with P m
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And try Palmolive After Shave Lotion too...
soothes in seconds, refreshes for hours.

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X-ellent gifts!
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LET HIM INTO THE MAN'S WORLD
OF THE PLAYBOY CLUB“

give him the

fabulous Triple Gift—
Playboy Club Key,
bottle of champagne,
LeRoy Neiman painting—
all three gifts for the
price of the Key,

just £8-8-O

st Christmas 39,000 men in the U.S. received the Playboy Triple
ift. Here's your chance to give the same thrilling gift most

important men on your list, a gift that continues to give enj
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long. Playboy's

your friends, relatives and business associates receive this season.

APPLY FOR TRIPLE GIFT NOW
This offer definitely will not he
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received up to December 19 will
be filled in time for the new
member to begin using his key
during the holiday season. To
order Triple Gift Keys, use the
ication at right.

ONE KEY ADMITS
YOU Т0 ALL CLUBS

London * Atlanta * Baltimore
Boston * Chicago * Cincinnati
Detroit * Jamaica « Kansas City
Los Angeles * Miami + Montreal

8.0 Triple Gift Fee includes the Chart
hip Subscription of £5.5.0. Applicants from the Continent may enclose Triple
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P= ———CLIP AND MAIL THIS APPLICATION TODAY == == == 4

то: Membership Secreta
ТО SE PLAYBOY CLUB, 45 Park Lane, London W.

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New member offers his playmate a champagne toast beneath LeRoy Neiman ой.

THIS CHRISTMAS, UNLOCK A GALA WORLD OF ENTERTAINMENT
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2. A Bottle of Fine Champagne. Upon his first visit
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Initiation Fee of 3.3.0 and the first year's

| Here is ту order toc

ок

D Triple Gift order only O personal Triple Gift only
Enclosedis my cheque for E.

| shore to my Playboy Club Key number —

If you аге a member yourself, or have ever been to
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The lucky new member moy use hin key in all Playboy
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England l

2 personal and Triple Gift order

l ADDRESS

МҮ NAME (PLEASE PRINT)

] derîne personal Triple Gitt mamberahin ойу, yeu need not compete portion below

| ene TRIPLE GFT MEMBERSHIP TG (FLERSE PRINTS

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=
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Bunny croupiers call the turn at | Û
the Playboy gamingtables as mem-
bers and guests try their luck.

Use separate sheet of paper to order additional gift keys.

PLAYBOY

me in for making an indecent proposal,
1 cooperated and he had his way.

He did not ask for money nor did he
uy to entrap mc; he merely wanted. to
satisfy his own homosexual desires. Con-
tary to the popular stereotype of the
“promiscuous faggot.” we do have some
selectivity and like t0 pick our own sex
partners. It is degrading to be forced

(Name withheld by request)
Honolulu, Hawaii

PSYCHOPATHIC HOMOSEXUALS?
The July Playboy Forum included a
letter from a homosexual who was afraid

he might be deported trom the U.S. if
covered,

ferences were d
0.5. as an
in 1959 and obtained an executive job
a large hotel in the East. As a hamosex
al, T subscribed to two homosexual ma
ines published in the U.S. In. Europe,
ions are sold openly, and E
accustomed to reading them.

lt was quite some time before L no-
t my mail had been tampered

his sexual pr
1 entered

shadowed, both by car and on foot. My
apariment was broken into and. though
there were quite a few valuables
only a camera and а number of pr
papers and letters were taken. Soon 1 re
ceived a telephone call from rhe In
gration Service, telling me to come in for
i “hearing”
At the hearing. 1 was confronted
th evidence that could have been ob-
tained only as a result of this burglary.
There were also photostatic copies of my
letters to an Amer id. who was
th the Army. agings had
been confiscated letters: found.
These letters cle aled that T am
homosexual.

Т was questioned by psychiatrists in a
y hospital, who concluded. unar
mously that I was a psychopath because
1 was homosexual. My own psychiatrist
testified. that although 1 might have
other problems. 1 was not a psychopath,
He was overruled by Immigration au
thorities and 1 was deported within the
month

The entire situation was handled in
the same way thar the Gestapo handled
things in my country during the War.

ithheld by request)

Oslo. Norway

HOMOSEXUAL EROTICA

Because of. PLaynoy's consistent oppo-
sition 10 cewsorship, readers will be
pleased jo learn of a significant decision
in favor of a free. press.

Early this year. the operators of Direc-
tory Services, Inc, a Minneapolis firm
that sells photographs, movies and a maga
zine appealing to homosexuals, were ar-
sted for using the mails to distribute
obscene. lewd, lascivious, indecent. filthy
” material. They were indicted
on 29 counts—15 for mailing materials

depicting male nudes and 14 for m.
improper advertising circulars,
The prosceution's position was simple,
though primitive and unenlightened.
Using the criteria laid down by the
Supreme Court, the prosecuting atiorney
argued thar the DSI materials (1) ap-
peated to the prurient interests of ho-
mosexuals, (2) exceeded the limits. of
candor set by contemporary national
idi ) were utterly without re
deeming social value and (4) were adver-
tised im such manner as to pander to
salacious interests, More imaginatively,
the Government argued that since society
(meaning the average man) considers ho-
mosevualiry morbid, does not tolerate
it and looks upon the activities of homo-
sexuals as shameful, it follows (1)
that anything appealing to the sexual
interests of homosesuals is regarded
obscene by the average person and. (2)
that the test [or obscenity is not whether
the material appeals to the prurient iv
terest of the homosexual group for which
it is imended but whether society think
such materials appeal to the prurient
terest of. homosexuals.
The defense argued (1) that. the four
criteria prescribed by the Sup e Court
had not been violated, (9) that nudity
and homoscsuality—twe things not i
themselves obscenc—could. hardly consti
tute obscenity when combined and (3)
that the heterosexual majority should not
be permitted to tyrannize over the homo
sexual minority by dictating what hon
sexuals may or may not read or look
in the privacy of their own homes.
Altogether, 26 witnesses testified be-

fore the court over а two-week period.
Prosecution witnesses ranged from 31-
yearold Dallas man who, though chime

ing to be heterosexual, testified that the
Irom

he had ordered DSI
to have ah
c he would not оета
a 42-year-old mechanical engineer from
Ohio who gave the trial an unexpected
turn when he declared, under examina-
tion by the defense. that he
willing witness and that postal inspectors
had threatened to expose him as a
homosexual to his employer unless he
“cooperucd

For the defense, Dr, Wardell Pomeroy,
t formerly of the Kinsey In-
that the DSI material
would not be sullicient t0 induce a het
crosexual male to make homosexual con

was an un-

nas and it would not sximulue an
individual to commit illegal acis; that
there is no "critical period" at which boy

ticularly likely to be influenced
мо homosexualism: that there is less sex-
wal activity between adult homosexuals
and children than between adult hetero
sexuals and children; and that attitudes
toward homosexuals ave changing and
homosexuals are more and more being
accepted.

Dr. Walter С.

Alvarez, famous medical

columnist, doubted th the
terial would harm a child (including the

doctor's. grandchildren). could “hardly
imagine” a person with latent homo
sexual. tendencies being stimulated. int

overt homosexuality by the material and
believes the suppression of printed mat
ter depicting male nudes “will do more
harm than good.” The Reverend Ted
Mcllvenna, Director of the National
Young Adult Project of the Methodist
Church, said he considers it “helpful” for
children (including his own) to see photo
graphs of nude males, though he docs not
want them to see pictures of violence and
brutality. A private investigator, who had
checked out the names of people on the
DSI g list, testified that they repre-
sent a “cross section” of the community—
including high school principals, police-

men and public oficials.
Judge Earl R. Larson called in Dr.
Donald Hastings. head of the department

of psychiatry at the University of Minne-
sot Medical School, to testify as an im-
partial expert. Dr. Hastings said the DSI
material was not prurient and further сх
plained that the appeal to homosexuals
of nude male pictures is "not fund
mentally different” from the appeal lo
heterosexual males of the nude temale
pictures in pravnoy. (At this tr
PLAYHOY was generally cited as represc
ing acceptable. contempo: national
standards regarding the public
sexually oriented. material.)

The defendants were found not guilty
on cach of the 29 counts and J
son concluded that none of the tests for
obscenity set down by the Supreme
Court had been violated. In short.
homosexuals (like heterosexuals) have a
right 10 purchase material that appeals 10
their erotic interests, and ен
synonymous with. prurient
The court added the follow
ful rarement: “The rights of minorities
expressed individually in sexual
or otherwise must be respected.
increasing research and. study. we
in the future
standin Ol ourselves,
and. others."

iot

ie.
ig meaning-

oups

With
will.

under

come to a better
sexual deviants

Harold L. Call, Pr
Miattachine Society, bic.
San Francisco, Galifornia

ZIPPY MAIL
I cant understand
ictory — attitude

the Ром Ollice's
toward асу"

contra

photographs. They bes us to р
Zip" in our mail, don't they?

Baltimore, Maryland

TEXAS TURMOIL

I was under the impression that what I
read and what stirred my libido was my
own damn business; however, recently a
copy of Freedom Talk, a Life Line radio
broadcast, was sent to me. The frcedoi
Melvin Munn, commentator. on

If you could put
Tareytons charcoal filter
on your cigarette,

youd have
a better cigarette.

‚ Ж"
4

Of course we can't guarantee it'll smoke as smooth as aTareyton.

К |

1 CHARCOAL
| FILTER

10 Bes
New Tareyton 10075 with the charcoal filter. „еже ғ

PLAYBOY

The sneak
photographer's
favorite weapon

What makes the Olympus Pen-EES
such an effective candid camera is 1)
its easily concealed dimensions, 2) its
automa shutter speed aperture
combination system, and 3) easyto
focus lens.

All you do is find a likely terget and
Point in that direction. Then click! A
moment preserved that only you know
about.

Another advantage of the Pen-EES, of
course, is that it's a half-frame. This
means you get twice as many pictures
on a roll of standard 35mm film, So
the danger of finding yourself out of
film just when the right subject comes
along is reduced considerably.

You'll find the Pen-EES at fine camera
stores everywhere. See it today, and
good hunting!

OLYMPUS OPTICAL CO., LTD., Tokyo, Japan

OLYMPUS OPTICAL CO. (Europa), GmbH.
88 2 Hamburg 1, Steindamm 105.

Freedom Talk. velers to is my freedom to
read: and he wants to take it away Irom
me, under the guise of "defending" me
ist pornography. This reminds me
of а woman in Fort Worth, Texas, who
was raising hell over a road sign that
read Two pams. (Of course, there were
dams nearby) This enlightened
Christian became so vehement over the
possibility that children would see this
sign that she wrote to the editors of her
demanding that it be

locıl newspaper,
taken. down.
Richard E. Garnett
Fort Worth, Texas
“Freedom Talk” hay as its
chief sponsor H L. H Produeis, owned
by mullibillianaire H. L. Hunt. (Mr.
Hunt had personally financed the radio
program, until its tax exemption was
canceled in 1965.) You are not the first

Mr. Munn's

оне to note thai Munn and. Hunt seem
more interested in abolishing than in

protecting freedom.

FREEDOM TO READ

Some time ago. the Citizens for Decent
Literature sprang up here in Cedar
Falls, Iowa. The members showed an in.
credible film, Pages of Death, at one of
their meetings, and Т was one of about

dozen rational people who attended
the showing. together with about 60 of
“them.”

The

film show how а

boy

purports 10
bookish (instrument of the Devil,
hooks!) rapes a Sweet Young Ешше
Mother of America and leaves her body
in the city dump, after he read

“йу magazines.

Alter the showing, a few skeptical
yersons tried to point out that there is
по causal connection between. sexually
oriented material and sex crimes,

The meeting instantly turned
riot. People screamed. 1 had read about
occurrences like this, but I had never
been involved in опе, It was a fright
ening experience. Those of us who did
nd up amd ask pointed questions got
wers from so far like
hearing the question answered in Chi-
nese, The o communication with
those people. None, The CDI. quickly
are, naturally, that there was
nd the meetin

has

to а

was

opposition present got
so noisy and out of hand that the leaders
тиру adjourned il, rather than let

any of us ask

ny more questions or make
any

ore statements.

I telephoned 36 people that weekend.
and on Sund: origin
my house. We had college faculty mem-
bers, university department heads. librari-
ıs. public school teachers, housewives,
minister, iger, etc. The
upshot of the discussion was th:
elected a provisional planning committee
of five to prepare for a public mecti
and а permanent. organization.

We are now official: the Free
Read Organization of Black

the “i

à bookstore m;

Чот to
Hawk

County. a nonprofit association. for the
purposes of informing and cduciting a
free publie regarding a free press and
the right to read
Our board of directors includes two
мате legislators. a psychiatric social
worker, а clinical psychologist. а theater
owner, а dentist, a school librarian, a
Girl Scout executive, a Stue College of
lowa department head and the college
librarian of the State College of Towa.
Patricia Samson
Cedar Falls. lowa

EROTICA AND NEUROTICA

A friend showed me a publication
titled Operation Yorkville Newsletter
which is devoted to proving that obscene
literature is a grave and present danger
to the stavival of America. On page four
of this sheet, there is a diagram showing
a seesaw with three men on onc side
and one on the other. The caption reads.
ош ol four psychiatrists say

hrec
Effect of obscenity on personality is
bad. "There is no evidence given
to support this rather. startling. statistic
Can you tell me: Have there been any
statistical surveys of. psychiatric opinion
on this subject, and would the
support Operation Yorkville's claim?
Henry Foote
New York, New York
There has been such a итеу,
taken in 1966 by the New Jersey Com
mitice for the Right to Read, and it
contradicts Operation. Yorkville's state
The vesponses of 203 New Jersey
pyychiatrists and psychologists revealed
the following statistical breakdown о]
opinion
On the question of whether, in their
experience, sexually oriented literature
provoked antisocial behavior. the experts
voted 16 to 1 thal
question of whether such material might
be beneficial to some readers by provid:

vicarious outlet, they voted yes

results

under

ment.

it did not; on the

two to onc.

Furthermore, onthe question of
sorship itself was beneficial
they voted six to one

whether се
to young people,
that it was not.
Finally, asked whether censorship. it
self is harmful, they voted two to one
that it is. Some of the comments of the
New Jersey psychiatrists and psycholo
gists polled are illuminating, A clinical
psychologist specializing in children and

adolescents wrole:

1 dave for the
worked — extensively
cents—emotionally

рам 12

with adoles-
disturbed, de-
linquents, brain injured—the
range. 1 have yet to encounter а sin-

years

whole

gle case where harm was done 10 a
child because. he was reading por
nographic material. [Some]

started to gel better when they be-
gan to read pornography.

About all there is to do is swim,
scuba, snorkel, skindive, fish the
deep sea, paddle a boat or just float.
Of course, there are shops to visit,
movies to watch, trips to take, ska
parties to enjoy and an 800-foot white
sand beach to wander. As they say,
it's no place like home. Unless. of
course, you happen te have an Olym-
pic-size pool, sunken Grecian baths,
meeting rooms, bi-level suites with
private patios and breathtaking views.
Plus a night club, gourmet cuisine and
a bounty of beautiful Bunnies to wait
on you hand and foot. If this isn't
the simple life as you know it—try it!

No
simple life

- XE
Jamaic

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4 clinical psychiatrist commented:

I do not recall a single case ex-
amined by me or presented at staff
conferences by any other member
oj the staf] in which sexually ori-
ented publications, photographs,
films or other materials played a
discernible part in the development
oj the youngsters disorder

Another clinical. psychiatrist: stated:

The sexual offenders ] have seen
in 20 years of practice have been,
without exception, shy, ignorant,
bumbling middle-aged men, active
in church, scouts or some such or-
ganization stressing a sort of ideal
conduct.

A clinical psychologist had this to say:

In clinical practice, the literature
read has nothing to do with the
emotional difficulty. Basically, the
conscious as well as the unconscious
difficulties arise from the inter-
familial directly, and indirectly from
those influences such as church and
school, etc., and lastly the books or
films he or she may see.

The last two statements, in particular,
support the theory, generally accepted
among psychologists, that those who at-
tempt to deny and suppress their sexual
needs, for religious or for moral reasons,
are mort apt to break down and give
expression to these needs through uncon-
trollable, antisocial behavior than are
those who guiltlessty accept the sex drive
as а healthy, normal part of life.

PROTECTING CHILDREN
Recently. The Detroit Free Press car-
ried the story of a police chief in West
Hartford, Connecticut, who ordered an
rtgallery owner to remove a picture of
a nude wom display window.
justified this demand by claiming
hen passed the arr gallery on
their way to school. As a Free Press col-
umnist said: "Why should children be
shielded from the anatomical facts of
life? Tı is far better that their curiosity be
sitisfied at an early age than suppressed
to explode Liter." This sort of censorship
not only infringes on our rights, it suc-
ceeds in protecting no one.
warps the same young minds for which
it claims concen

Dave Shane
1, Mich

PORNOGRAPHIC BABY DOLL

listening to the radio the othe
d a lady who was telephoning
a popular “talk” program in this area
uplain about a new baby doll about to
innoduced in the U.S. by the Crea
is Loy stores. Her complaint
t this boy doll is anatomically

testicles, just like a real baby boy. She
described this doll as "pornographi
and said that people were already band-
g together to prevent its sale in the
U.S. The purpose of her call was to
the public to the menace of this doll.
tly it never occurred to this
woman or to the people she claims are in
ment with her that а represe
human being without sex organs
could well be considered an obscenit
In my opinion, hiding the sex or
pretending they do not е
nent damage to the mi a child.
t could be a more graphic demon
stration ro an impressionable child that
there is something wrong with the sex
than to give it a doll that is ana
11 in all respects except
k where the genitals

should be?
No one is forcing these prudes to buy
the doll: why must they try to prevent
enlightened parents from obtaining th
toy for their children? If such activity
js nor unconstitutional. it should be.
Arthur Seldon
Chicago. Hlinois

MENACE OF NUDITY
PLAYBOY stresses that childr
be taught that sex is natural and beau
ful. not something to be hidden or de-
nied. This is fine, but you neglect to add
a most vital rule: "Do not expose a child
to that which he cannot. handle.” Some
` parents will interpret your dicta
10 mean that it is good то allow children
to see the nude body. That is like put
ting a child in the driver's seat of a cu.
Young children, up 10 the age of puber-
ty. are not emotionally equipped to view
the nude body nor to handle the over
whelming sensory flood that results from
such a sigh cannot cope with it:
To handle repress and block.
And. y ıt out,
they may grow up more neurotic than
those children who come from puri
tanical home:

n should

bei

David F. Feingold
Columbia Universi
New York, New York
The psychoanalytical
hich we assume you refer is

We disagree.
theory la
based on the rather improbable (and cer-
tainly unproved) assumption that a little
boy, viewing the nude female body, will
think that the girl once had a penis that
has been amputated and will begin to
worry that this will happen to him, too
(castration anxiety), while a little girl,
viewing the nude male, will feel inferior
because she does not possess a phallus
(penis envy). Ay “The Encyclopedia of
Sexual Behavior" points out, even psycho-
analysts who accept this theory caution
“that attempting to keep from children
the knowledge of sex differences by con-
cealment is a naive and futile семиз
and that the emotional emphasis. with

which this is usually done, viz.. going to
extraordinary lengths t0 maintain sexual
modesty when revelation would be the
simple natural concomitant of a domestic
activity, serves only to intensify the cus-
tration anxiety and penis е " Most
non-Freudian psychologists reject the
Theories of castration anxiety and penis
emy entirely and insist that the child
who has not been adversely conditioncd
by excessively prudish parents will react
to the naked human body without any
special anxiety.

For example, A. S. Neill. headmaster
of the successful Summerhill school, has
written:

Nakedness should never be dis-
couraged. The baby should sec its
parents naked from the beginning.
How ‚ the child should be told
when he is ready to understand that
some people don't like to see chil-
dren naked and that, in the pres-
ence of such people, he should wear
clothes. .

The very jact that the law does
not permit exposure of the sex or-
gans is bound to give childien a
warped attitude toward the human
body. . .

The “overwhelming sensory flood”
that results [vom viewing the naked body
is without question а culturally. condi-
lioned response; many Victorians experi-
enced it al the sight of an exposed ап
But times have changed, anit the same
process that has made ankles acceptable
is gradually being applied to the vest of
the human body. Dr. Benjamin Spock,
the eminent psychiatric pediatrician,
points ош:

In half а century, Americans
have made a full swing from the
excessive modesty of the Victorian
period to the partial nudity of sports
clothes and to complete nudity in
quite a few homes today. Most
people agree (and 1 certainly do)
that today’s casual attitude is a lot
healthier. Nursery school teachers,
children's psychiatrists and psychol-

ven

ogists generally agree that it's
wholesome for young children of
both sexes to see each other un

dressed at times in the home and at
the beach,

The findings of anthropologists con-
firm that there is nothing intrinsically
shocking about nudity. Margaret Mead,
after siudying a group of adolescent girls
in a Polynesian community, wrot

Samoan children have complete
knowledge of the human body and
ifs functions, ing to the custom
of little children going unclothed,
the scant clothing of adulis, the
habit of bathing in the sea, the use
of the beach as a latrine and the
lack of privacy in sexual life. They

also have a vivid understanding of
the nature of sex.

There is no evidence that Samoan
children grow up, as your theory would
Teal one to expect, inordinately neurotic.
To the contiary, Miss Mead found that
sex and the human body are integrated.
parts of their lives and vaise fewer prob-
lems than in a prudish society.

H seems to us that the atiempt to un-
naturally and unnecessarily hide the
human boty from children must haz
precisely the same effects as the attempt
to conceal sexual information from them
—that is, to create a sense of shame, mys-
tery and fear, in which false ideas and

feelings flower into a
maturity.

neurotic
terrible

can

HEALTHY SEX EDUCATION
L have a healthy attitude toward se
due to my background: 1 was raised and
educated in Europe and Australia, ond
iy parents were very understanding,
permissive aud. mature. All of my ques
tions pert
answered: moreover, the whole
fiequently bathed nude at the beach
I support PLAYBOY s stand favorit
better sex education for American cl
dren A liberal and rational approach to
sex would vastly decrease the number of
sex crimes committed in the U.S. But

ning to sex were wuthlully
ly

children ane not the only ones who need
to be cducued. Newspaper articles,
court decisions and various state. laws all

lead me to recommend а crash. program
of sex education for the entire Ameri
public—especially for legislators, judges.
doctors, writers and. clergymen,

Inge Huber

Los Angeles, Californi

V.D. PREVENTION

Congratulations! The July Playboy
Forum surpassed the Party Jokes in hu-
morous content. You and E
Mead want to make the pill av
set in order to cut down the
y rate, What do you propose
to do about the rise in the V. D. rate?
Pass out penicillin tablets? The problem
has already reached epider
tions: or hasn't anyone told you:

Knowing your line of reasoning. y
r 1 will be, "Passing out the pills is
а wood idea.

ic propor

D. W

New Or -onisiana

If penicillin tablets were an effectis
vaccine. against syphilis or gonorrhea,
pasing out these pills would be a
good idea, But they are not and, at

present. there is no preventive vaccine
against venereal diseases. There ave
quick-and-easy cures, however, that

might have wiped ош the diseases years
ago, had it not been for the persistent
nolion—caused by puritan antisexuality
-ihat the victim of V. D. is sinful. “The
people of the United States hwe never

felt venereal disease is anything that
concerns them very much,” says William
F. Schwartz, educational consultant to
the venereal-discase branch of the U.S.
Public Health Service. “They have, un-
fortunately, the attitude that syphilis is
something that nice people don't get
and shouldn't do anything about aud
shouldn't even talk about. A lot of people
believe that if you have venereal disease.
you somehow deserve it. and (his is in
spite of the fact that literally thousands

of cases are contracted. in ways that arı

morally, legally and socially acceptable.

The allies of venereal disease are not
birth-control pills but ignorance, prud-
ery and shame. H is these that prevent
better sex education in the schools, keep
private physicians from reporting cases
in order to avoid social repercussions for
the patient, make it difficull to raise
funds for research and censor informa:
tion in the mass media.

ABORTION REJECTED

My husband and D have a 17-month-
old daughter whom advocates of liberal
abortion would not have in this workl,
because she is retarded. As I write this, Т
m in the ninth month of my secoud
pregnancy. A committee of three doctors
would certainly testify that my
health has been upset during th
nancy with the fear that this child m
also be rerarded. Under liberalized
tion laws. I could have been relieved of
the baby thar Fam now carrying, if I
had wanted to.

How litle the would-be liberalizers of
abortion understand! We adore our
daughter. even if she is r ıd we

look forward to the new baby with op-
timism. Barring conclusive evidence that
we shouldn't have more children, we
will have them.

L believe th y willingness to have
children is the soundest attitude toward
sex in mar since sex has two pur
poses— procreation and gratification. Un.
les an effort is made to achieve both,
sex will be unnatural and perverted and
the love of husband and wife will fail.

\s for those who conceive children
ош ol wedlock, 1 do not feel the lives of
cent babies should. be sacrificed 10
timize their difficulties. How can a
liberalininded person. logically propose
killing babies ay a means of alleviating
sulleri

see a r lack of logic in
the inability of liberals ло sec where
their advocacy of birth control and abor-

tion is taking us. First we try to prevent
then if that fails, we fall
back on abortion. But abortion. is not
afe after the third month o! pregnancy:
therefore, we need
protect the mother from the proble:
the unwanted child. If our first wo lines
of defense fail, there seems little else to
do but to Kill the child after it is born.
be justified on the same
portion—that we

concepti.

ing the mother the suffering of having to

raise a deformed or retarded child, a

child with some social stigma attached to

it or a child who is a financial burden.

This line of reasoning may seem absurd,

but legalization of abortion was gencral-

ly considered unthinkable not long ago.
Mrs. John R. Par

Bowling Green, Ohio

Your letter is a moving document and

we admire the courage shown by both
you and your husband. We presume that
your doctor has already explained 10
you that many factors not related to
heredity can cause retardation and that
the chances of your second child's being
perfectly normal ave not necessarily di-
minished by your previous experience.

However, we must alo add that you
misindersiand the advocates of liberal-
ied abortion laws and do them an
injustice by saying that they "would not
have” your daughter in the world. They
are in Jason of уот right to decide when
and how often yon will bear children
and, on the same grounds, they favor the
right of any other woman fo lerminale a
pregnan: thout the state interfering
їп any way with either of you. Your fear
that abortion will lead to infanticide is
groundless. The very fact that abortion

is not classified as homicide in nations
where it is illegal indicates. that every-
body knows, and always has known, the
difference between a fetus and an infant.

Finally, we would like to suggest that
the courage you possess so markedly

would be even more admirable if it were
accompanied by the virtue of tolerance.
To dewribe willfully childless couples as
“unnatural and perverted” is lo make the
very provincial mistake of identify
different. from me” with “inferior
to me.”

ABORTION NIGHTMARE

I am а 24-yearold divorced
п three children. Three months ago. а
з broke into my home and raped me,
while my five-monthold son watched
helplessly. As soon as the rapist left, Т
called the police. and they picked up а
man a few blocks from my house. How
ever, because E was in a state of shock, E
could not make a. positive identification.
The suspect was released and the case
was closed. As а result, the man who
raped me is still walking around f

Meanwhile, what has happened to
m I have gone through
liell-—ihanks to the antiquated abortion
laws that some writers to The Playboy
Forum ave still defending. Driven to à
near breakdown by wor the effect
of this experience on my son, who siw
ything, T ако had to face the [act
that thc rapist had made me prc
I went to a psychiatrist, expect

understandi

woman

the victim?

y abou

evi

receive kindness,
form of therapy for my nervous condi-
tion and, especially, aid im obtaining a

therapeutic abortion. Instead, he gruflly

PLAYBOY

informed me that abortion was against
his religious ethics and told me to find
another. psychiatrist. Fearing that I
would face the same callous "moralis
elsewhere, 1 began making inquiries
about sources of illegal abortion. This
1o the attention of the police detec-
tive who had handled my rape case, and
he warned me that, under мше law, I
could be convicted of murder for having
the operation illegally. (I subsequently
learned. that, although such a prosecu-
tion is legally possible, lawyers believe
that a conviction is most unlikely.)

I was half insane at this point—driven
by anger against the law that seemed
more conce
tim than w g the crimi

ful that 1 was losing my mind; and

world
who would always remind me of his
lunaticerimimal father and the outrage
committed against me. T attempted self-
abortion—without success, but without
harming myself seriously, either, thank
God. I then decided on suicide. but re-
solved to make one more attempt to ob-
tain therapeutic abortion first. To make a
long story short, this time I was lucky. I
met two very understanding psych
frist, who arranged the operation at
local hospital on the grounds that the
pregnancy was "hazardous to my lile."
They believed 1 was teetering on the
edge between suicide and insanity,
ready to fall either way. I am now in
therapy with one of these psychiatrists,
who ís a kind and wonderful man and
who has convinced me that this tragedy
need not cloud my life forever.

(Name withheld by request)

Tacoma, Washington

child I could never love, a child

А PREGNANT GIRL’S VIEWPOINT

Since 1 am eight weeks pregnant and
PI AYROY readers might
my opinion of abortion.

a college seni
be interested i
I have no opportunity to obtain а legal
abortion. The one doctor T was referred
to told me that he no longer performs
the operation

My next мер was to try to induce a
‚ I've taken dozens of quini
sulphate capsule

I could thini has worked.

Though the child's father and 1 re-
spect and love each other and have
much in common, marriage is not the

solution. We both have college 10 com-
plete, and the draft is but a couple of
weeks away for him. We have no money.
Most importint, we both believe that
we should not marry ший we arc older
and more sure of owselves and what we
ıt from life.

Task myself, "What next?” Must 1 un-
dergo the agony of a selfinduced abor
tion, with the risk of death? Or must I be
a social outci, break my parents

hearts, bear am illegitimate child? We
knew the risks when we made Jove. but 1
still feel that there is something terribly
wrong with a society that offers us no
real alternatives.

(Name and address
withheld by request)

FUNERALS FOR MISCARRIAGES

In a recent interview for my Cleve-
land radio show, Bill Gordon on the
Scene, 1 discussed abortion with the
Reverend Lester. Kinsolving, ап Episco-
pal priest who writes a column on reli
gion for the San Francisco Chronicle. He
is am advocate of liberalized abortion
laws. When asked how he reconciles legal-
zed abortion with the theory that de-
struction of the fetus is the taking of
human Ше. Father Kinsolving replied:
“I will go along with that theory as soon
as they begin holding funerals for mi
carriages.” Touché!

RELIGION AND THE WORD

With hosannas I greet a church publi-
ons using what is generally conced-
»ngest four-letter word in
ed Sex as Gift. this book
sale in the British Isles. Jt
was published under the auspices of
Scottish. Churches’ House. which carries
out projects for nine Scottish religious

denominations, Scottish clergy have a
reputation for austerity. but in this book,
by Dr. Ian. M. Fraser, Warden of Scot-

tish Churches’ House, there is a chapte
entitled “Having It" that discusses in
plain English the emotional mea
of the sex act and its effect on human
ionships. In attempting to discover
ercourse means to people, Dr.
writes: "We made some progress
by considering the word ‘luck... Wha
ever content the word ‘fuck pable
or not capable of bearing, anything that
is more than animal copulation or mer
physical linking must get across the idea
of a relationship being established, of
which the sex act is at least some expres-
As Dr. Fraser
ts out, you сап learn a great deal
about people from the meaning they
anadh to certain words and from the
degree of freedom ог restriction. with
which those words are used. The appear-
nee of this formerly forbidden word in
religious publication is symptomatic of
a growing trend in clerical circles 10 make
s thinking more relevant to real

Charles Tyrell
London, Fngl

JUDAISM AND THE DEATH OF GOD

Like the June Playboy Panel on Reli-
gion and the New Morality, Rabbi Ru-
bensicin's Judaism and the Death of God
(pLaynoy, July) was quite interesting.

The article’s ambiguities, in. particular,
impresed me. This is not a criticism:
Such ambiguities are evidence that cle
men are still searching for a lan
that will express in contemporary terms
the great facts of religion, morality and
the good life.

The radical d of the death-
of Gort school be: gitimate under
aking: to describe the nature of God in
our time, They departed from the ortho-
dox itarian formula to аі a
“Christian atheism.” They declared. the
death of God and the death of the Holy

‘alos

stein is doing something
For him, the God of the Old
Testament is alive in the institutions of
civilization, but he prodaims the ab-
sence of God in the form of the Holy

similar

Spirit and the death of God in the form
of Christ
Oddly cnough, these death-ofGod

er back to Tillich for their
T may have misread
dca that God

theologians re
religions knowles:
Tillich; but to me, b
the “ground of being” docs not kill God
but, rather. broadens the range of His
influence beyond orthodox defin
And so the dialog continues.
to PLAYBOY for

Charles McDermott
Diamond Hill Methodist Church

Fort Worth, Texas

ions,

Th.

aks

hol God

n in

I do not belong to the d
camp described by Rabbi Rubenst
the July issue of rravaov. И we feel that
we are living in a time of the death of
iı is because prior to this, we be
lieved in a God who denied. man Iree-
dom of action. Auschwitz was horrible,
n omnipo-
ıt because
ied man with Bee will and man
1 tur his freedom to make
uschwiv. God could have prevented
Auschwitz only by taking away maws
1, making | mario-
This is the framework in w
He limits His om-
«dom

misused

freedom of w
neue
God is all-powertul
potence for the sake of man's
IL Richard Rasmuson,
University Presbyterian Church
Purdue University
West Lafayette, India

Director

DEATH OF RELIGION

1 think Rabbi Rubenstein's Judaism
and the Death of God (rt.vymov, July) is
great. He turns me on more than. docs
either Hamilton or Altizer.

However, nome of the deadrof-God
theologians has been able to Face ihe
one remaining, unthinkable thought con-
fronting all of us: We are living in ihe
time of the death of our religions. Both
Christianity and Judaism are finished.
The God of the Bible has gone the way of

(continued on page 240)

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ask

HERE'S

beenany reading
to measure. (How
often have you found
you had too much
or too little to read
on a trip?)

So Swissair is
looking for stories
as long or as short as its flights.

Werereally particularabout
this. Let us give youan example.

The flight from Zurich to
Munich takes around 50 min-
ules. In that time you could
read Stanley Ellin's frightening
story. "Specialty of the House".

You could, we say. We don’t
insist you read that particular
story.
another 50-minute story that’s
equally breath-taking and time-
consuming. Would you tell us
the title?

Or maybe
one at the moment. But
might know the right stor
one of our other flights:
Zurich-Hamburg 80 minutes

never

Maybe you know of

you can't think of

HORT STORIES.

Lisbon 140 minutes
aris. 100 mir utes

Vienna 75 minutes
Milan 55 minutes
had a few ideas about

what the stories might be:

а)

һ)

We thought one might take place in the |

country you're just flying over. Or the
author might be from there. (If both
so much the more esciting.) Example:

Paoli. The Fox of Venice, when
you're flying from Zurich to Athen:
We thought it might give you an odd
sort of ing to the city
where the story is laid. And the author
would be from the same town. There
aren't many stories that offer both, but
we do know of one: Eduard Fikers

Swissair IS LOOKING FOR SHORT STORIES.
Min-S
Anp BERMUDA- SHORT STORIES.

Fish m the Net when youre heading |

Tor Prague.

your point of ori-
ination, Or both.

007 arrives in Gi
London. On Her Majesty's
Service. (Though this one is |
only for awfully. awfully fast. |
readers.)

Perhaps you actually know of some

stories that fall into one of these three

э. Do tell us about them. so that

we can decide whether we have the right

reading matter for passengers om all our

flights. Stories timed to measure. To make
the time simply Пу

P S. Naturally w thought about our.
guests from overseas, from Africa, the Near
and Für Eust. But this is rather complicated.
We dont believe anyone would want to read
an cight-hour-and-fifteen-mintte story or a
sivteen-hour-and-forty-minute: story «1 onc
sitting.

{fier all, von spend a good deal of time
cating. So we think it will be quite enough to
look for stories that reach from one Swissair
stop to the next, Say from Tokyo to Manila.
from Bangkok to Calcutta. from Santiage
то Buenos Aires, [rom Chicago to Monreal. |

Mma couple af years we'll be flying super |
sonic. And then the European short stories.
or at least the Bermida-short stories; will do
for even the longest flight.

Please т cut. cut ош. and mar 10
Post Office Box 929
8021 Zunch. Switeriaad

Name

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GWEN WONG

«= § p

praem ret

navoor nrexvew. JOHNNY CARSON

a candid conversation with television’s foremost host, clown prince and raconteur

There ave few television personalities
as engaging—and none as paradoxical—
ах Johnny Carson. the suave, boyish, 42
year-old. star of NBC's “Tonight Show
Five nights a week, for 90 minutes—
under the scrutiny of nearly 10,000,000
viewers and a studio audience of 234—
Caron wittily and assuredly converses
with guests ranging [rom Bobbie Gentry
to Bobby Kennedy, in a style so ingra-
lating that the average viewer, accord

ing 10 one psychologist, feels Пе belongs
to the “Tonight Shaw's” "family" and is

taking an active part in the proceedings.
Ош of the cameras range, however,
Carson maintains a passionately private
lije that has earned him an unenviable
reputation as an uptight, lonely mis
anthiope. The puchish star. who often
affects a whimsical naiveté while on the
air, also proved himself to be an exceed-
ingly tough hombre in his celebrated
walkout last April; convinced that NBC
had violated his contrach by showing ve
runs during an AFTRA strike, Carson re
Jused to go back to work when the strike
ended and won a new contiat that
reportedly guaranteed him an income in
excess of $4,000,000 for the followi
three years.

Despite occasional charges that the

"You could gut Harlem today and re-
build it tomorraw—but unless we do
something to uproot the injustices that
created the ghetto, all we'll have built, at
a cost of billions, is a nicer cage.

"Tonight Show" is “verbal Мих
that Carson deliberately shirts contr
sial subjects, (be program attracts a
hefty 40 percent of the lale-coening au
dience. Recent challengers, such аз Joey
Bishop on ABC and Bill Dana on the
short-lived United Network, have run far
behind Carson not only in the Nielsen
ratings but in the judgment of the critics.
Time has called his show “the most con-
sistently entertaining 90 minutes to be

seen anywhere on television.” The main
drawing card of the program is Carson
himself; a gracious, tolerant host and a
quick-draw, shar pshooting ad-libber, he
is able 10 eke laughs even ош of mishap
—as when a mechanical device refuses
to wark or when a guest fails to maintain
the lively, cocktail-party repartee that is
the “Tonight Show's” stock in trade.
Carson's mastery of his сай is the
polished produet of almost three decades
ау an entertainer. Al the age of It, as
“The Great Carsoni? Johnny was eam-
ing three dollars an engagement for en-
tertnining the Elks and Rotarians of
Norfolk, Nebraska—his home town—with
cavd tricks and other feats of magic: in
high school, he was class historian—and
е practical joker. After a
stint in the Nawy (he once

an imaginati
two-year

“Everybody 1 meet in public seems to
want to audition for me. If 1 ask a guy
what time il is. he'll sing it to me. Fuery
where 1 turn, theres somebody's niece
who does ballet with skindiving flippers.”

entertained Secretary of the Navy James
Forrestal for several hours with his card
tricks), Johnny entered the University
of Nebraska, where he earned. money
offcampus as а comedian and radio an-
nouncer, mel his first wife, Jody Wolcott,
and wrote a thesis on comedy. Follow
a year in Omaha, where he acquired
local renown as an offbcat radio per-
sonality, he moved to Hollywood and
hosted а Sunday-aflernoon television
show called “Carson's Gellar.” In. 1954,
while writing gags [от Red Skelton, he
got his first major break: Called upon to
substitute for his boss after Skelton was
injured in a rehearsal, he won plaudits
for his performance—and his own night-
time-TV show on CBS; but “The Johnny
Cason Show" lasted only 39 feverish
weeks. The producer attributed. its fail-
ure to Carson's lack of "power"; Johnny
felt that too many people had been
trying to give him advice.

After this setback, Carson acquired a
manager, AL Bruno, and was promptly
hustled off to New York. In the couisc of
the next five years, as host of a daytime
quiz show, "Who Da Yau Trust?" he

learned lo improvise risque but socially
acceptable double entendres and 10 coux
humor out of lady wrestlers, snake

Is ludicrous to declare that sex is wrong
if you're not married. 1—5 happening mil-
lions of times every day. If the laws against
it were enforced, we'd have to build
prisons Jor four fifths of the population.”

PLAYBOY

charmers and the matrons who com-
pied the bulk of his viewers and
guests. The rest of his time was filled
with a heavy schedule of personal ap-
pearances the Ed Sullivan, Perry
Como and Dinah Shore shows, stints as a
quest panelist on “What's My Line?” and
“Ta Tell the Truth" and even. feature
acting roles on “Playhouse 90° aud “The
U.S. Steel Hour.” When Jack Paar de-
cided to step down as ringmaster of

the grueling “Tonight Show" in 1962, he
named Carson—who had successfully

subbed for him on several occasions—as
the only man who could fill his shoes.
NBC agreed, but many observers won-
dered if the new man was really up to
Paar. He was—and then some; since he
took over “Tonight.” Carson has eclipsed
his predecessor's popularity; the shew
the biggest moncy-maker on television,
with both advertisers and. studio tickets

S.R.O; and its host has become the
biggest slar in television.
In the opinion of many, however, Car-

son's him cocky; and
his reputed highhandedness has led col-
leagues. to refer to their boss only half.
humorously as "The Prince.” True to the
image, when he secured his prodigious
salary hihe last April, he also demanded
апа часа free 3100900. insurance
policy and more autonomy in the pro
duction of the shaw. One of his first acts
afer veturning to work was to fire pro-
ducer Art. Mark, a friend for I1 years,
whose ideas were reportedly loo conserva-
live for the star's taste.

Whatever else success has done to
Johnny Carson, it has not made him sa
ciable, In the past, he occasionally went
ош on (he down and—according to
some reporis—showed up [от work hung
over from what an associate called “in-

Today, however, he and

sneess has made

leave their $173,000 duplex in the United
Nations Plana Towera posh coop
that also houses such public. personali.
ties as Robert Kennedy, David Susskind
and Truman Capote. They dine out
about twice a month, see an occasional.
play and attend Giants games during the
profootball season. Carson's remaining
offeamera hours ате spent in pursuit of a
multitude of extracurricular interesti—
astronomy, archery, motion-picture pho-
tography, scuba diving and flying; he
also plays guitar and drums, Recently, to
acquire а short film clip for the “Tonight
Show," he even spun around the track
at Indianapolis in Andy Granatelli's
turbine-powered racing car, allegedly
banned [rom the 5500" because it was too
fasi for the competition. On vacations—
which add up toa quarter of the year—
he plays to record nightclub audiences
at a reputed $10,000 a week.

Reporters, eager 10 capitalize on the

irony that such a willing performer should.
be such a reluctant celebrity, have often
characterized. Carson. as а withdrawn,
unaffectionate, even hostile man. One
“Tonight Show" guest has bluntly called
him а “cold fish." Even hix old friend
announcer Ed McMahon has said that
he “packs a tight
others have risen to his defense—nota-
bly, Mrs. Carson, who explained to a
writer at some length. that Johnny cares
very much about people but doesn't find
it easy lo verbalize his feelings—few
succeed in glimpsing his private lije, let
alone in reaching him on a personal
level.

We decided to interview Carson carly
this fall, when he was riding high on the
wave of public interest that followed his
dispute with the network. Always wary
of reporters, he regards the public's curt
osity about him as a tiresome irritation
that “just goes with the territory.” But
during his con Ih PLAYBOY
inleriewer Alex Haley—which
conducted daily, over the couse of a
week, both at Carson's home and in his
NBC office—he overcame his reticence
and provided us with by far the most
candid interview he has ever granted.
“A1 first," Haley reported, “he was eva-
sive, but by the end of our talks, 1 had
come to like and respect him as а man
with the guts to be stubborn about his
convictions in a profession where th
most common concern is to swing with
the ‘in’ crowd, whatever the personal
compromise.” Haley opened the discus-
sion by asking Carson about his offscreen
image as a loner

suitcase."

Though

mere

PLAYBOY, Recent newspaper and ma
zine articles about you have focused on
the contrast between your affable telev
ion image and what they claim is your
dour, antisocial personality in private
life. Writing in TV Guide, Edith Efron
nt so far as to say that “Johnny

pure sweet

па ht on the screen
1, plunged into some Dost
murk.” How do you {eel about this kind
of armchair psychoanalysis?

CARSON: I couldn't cue less what anybody
says about me. I live my life. especially my

personal lile, strictly for myself. 1 feel
that is my right, and anybody who dis-
with that, that's his business.

you do. you're going to be c
cized. 1 feel the one sensible thing you
can do is try to live in а way that pleases
you. Ш you don’t hurt anybody else,
what you do is your own business.
PLAYBOY. Of course. But off the
even to many of those who know you well
m withdr.
According to reports, longtime associ
on the show say that you scarcely spe
except as business demands, tha

—you n and. even hostile.

es
k

you

have almost no friends in or out of show
business, that you hardly ever go out
socially, thar you shrink from your ow
public. Why?
CARSON: | think I owe one thing to my
public—the best performance I can give.
What else do they want from me
ag sociable, T hate the phoniness
the showbiz world. I know this will be
taken wrong, but I don't like clubs and
I was never
groups are hypocritical, re-
and undemocratic. 1 don't run

joine:

like the whole nightclub scene. Cock
parties drive 1. So 1 do my
job and I stay away from the гем of
it. Isn't that my right? Am 1 not entitled
to prefer the enjoyment of my hom
Am I not entitled to a private life? 1 сан
nywhere without being bugged by
body. Fd love to just hike out down
suet, or drop in a restaurant, or
wander in the park, or tike my kids
somewhere without. collecti; тай of
people. But I can't When you get suc
cessful, you just have to quit going out
н public as often as you used to. Wher
ever you go, some down grabs you and
demands an autograph: it’s a pain in the
butt. Гуе had a guy in a urinal ask me
for an autograph!
PLAYBOY: Don ll entertainers have to
put up with that kind of thing?
CARSON: Of course. But it doesn't мор

there. Everybody E meet in public seems
to want to audition for me. If 1 ask a guy
what time it is, he'll sing it to me. Every-
where 1 tum, there's somebody's піссе
who plays the Калоо or does ballet with
skindiving flippers. ГЇ never forget
coming out of a ht.
when this h n alley
and literally turns me completely
around. It was this woman. “I want you
10 hear my son she says. And out
she shoves this ing, Albert!" Aud
he did —right there in the street. Гуе had

cab. drivers pull over 10 the curb to tell
about some relative who ought to be
on the show, That's why Гуе got cabo:
phobia—the fear of being talked 10
death in an enclosed space. But you
haven't heard the worst of
Ed McMahon and 1 cropped night
dub; we wanted to catch an act there. We
ely sat down when some drunken
scr comes over and hauls me up
the arm. Right there, 1 was ready to rip
nto him; I didn't care how big he was—
but I kept saying to myself: “Don't!” 1
could see the headlines if 1 did. He all

but drags me to his table of maybe 15 or
20 friends and he yells to the band 10 stop
so I can entertain them, I told him I

хоту, 1 was very busy. D had to get up
ly. Now he's insulted. "Come on—I
promised my friends." Well, I walked

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PLAYBOY

way: Ed and I had to leave—and I'd
made some enemies. You сї
you stay away from public м

а win.

PLAYBOY: Have you changed since you be-
came a star, or have you always felt this
strongly about guarding your privacy?

CARSOI In other has success
spoiled Johnny Carson? No, I don't think
I don't think it’s you that changes
ound you

words,

so.

with suceess—it's the people
who change. Because of your new status,
they change in relation to you. Let me
give you an example. 1 loved the towns I
grew up in as а boy, and after 1 became
а celebrity, 1 went back several times. 1
would have had the time of my life
seeing the old places and the old faces
in, but the attitude of those same
people was, “I guess youre so big we
bore you now.” What was I supposed to
зау t that? Agree with them? They'd
be furious. But if I said 1 was enjoying
myself fd зау Г was being conde
i see what D nr

me at the last Nebraska С
Columbus, Nebraska. 1 went. I enjoyed
most of it. I was a great honor, and
sincerely mean that. But I have since de
cided not 10 go back home а из
just too much of a strain. Му folks will
have го come to New York 10 sce me. |
guess people will find all kinds of things
wrong with my saying that: they'll say
Tm conceited and cgocentric—but I'm
just being honest.

PLAYBOY: "lo be honest, аге you con-
ceited and egocentric?

CARSON: Find me any performer any-
where who isn't egocentric, You'd better

believe you're good, or you've got no
business being out there. People are
brought up to think, “It's пісе to be
modest. It's nice to hide your light under
а bushel Well, bullshit! Гуе never
bought that. In my business, the only
thing you've really got is your talent; it's
the only thing you have to sell. If you

want to call that conceit, go ahead. I
don't know where you'll hear that word
more than in show business—but it’s
often not conceit at all. Often it’s a public
compensation for shyness, That's certain
ly the case with me. From the time 1 was
а little kid, Tw always shy. Performi
was when I was outgoing. So I
am a loner. 1 get claustrophobia if a lot
of people are around. But there's а big
difference between being a loner and be-
ing lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day
full of things I enjoy, starting with my
show. Any time my work is going well
and 1 have a relationship with a woman
that’s pretty solid, that does it for me
PLAYBOY: Last April, you won a healthy
pay raise by going on strike against NBC.
Js that one of the reasons you say your
work is going well?

CARSON: Since when hus it been wrong
to ask for а pay raise? Have you seen
carved in stone anywhere that it's unfair
to bargain for a better deal for yoursel
It was made to look as if I'm Jack the

pper. Some of the columnists figured.
1 was too greedy for a пісе, small-town
Nebraska boy. Like one letter asked,
“How сап you do that with people in
the world starving?” What in the hell
is the logic of that? I explained, time
and again, carefully, why 1 stayed out
—but nobody wants to believe you when
you take a personal stand about some-
thing. The whole thing got written and
tilked far out of proportion. Loo
the reason. was simple:
was.

t least to me it

Tonight was and is the biggest
money-making show NBG has. It brings
000.000 а ye: cold 1; but
NBC treated Tonight like some bastard
stepchild. We had a ridiculous budget. I
hadn't liked that setup long before the
strike. But that still wasn't the specif
issue with me. The specific issue was
that NBC directly violated our contract
during the strike: They used reruns of
the Tonight show without any ellort at
all 10 n c. My сошаа smed
Clearly that any reruns would be nego-
tiated in

goti:

advance in good faith, to arrive
at equitable fees, They knew why |
yed out. They sent me a check for the
iciuns and I sent the check right back.
Bur finally, NBC and I came to terms
Em satisiied. 1 think they me. ‘The
show's doing fine. That's that

PLAYBOY: Not quite—if you don't mind
our pursuing the subject a bit further.
It's been reported that your new contract
will carn you more than $4,000,000
the next three years. Is that true?
CARSON: 1 won't tell. you—for two rea-
sons. One is that a term in the new co

tract specifies that neither NBC. nor I
will make publie the details of the con-
waa; 1 intend to abide by that agree:

ment. Another reason is that in Nebraska
1 was raised to consider that it's not
апел to ask anyone, "How
much money de you make?" АШ I will
say is that the new contract calls for an
increase in the monies that I receive for
doing the show.
Look—do you know that Dean M:
es a lot more, maybe half agai
least, than 1 But all that
nothing whatever to me. I have no use
for 8 houses, S8 cars amd 500 suits. I
can't eat but one steak at a time. 1 don't
want bur one woman. i's silly 10 have as
one’s sole object in life just making mon-
ey, accumulating wealth. I work because
эп doing, and the fact that
1 make money at it—big шопеу—іѕ a
fine-anddandy side fact. Money gives
me just onc big uU

good n

do? те;

1 enjoy what

important, and that’s the freedom of not
ing to worry about money. I'm con-
cemed about values—moral, ethical, hu
тап values—my own, other peopl
the country's, the world’s values. Havin
money now gives me the freedom to
worry about the th
Bur T wouldn't call myself

happier now than when 1 w
547.50 a week in Omaha, You could live
on that in 1940 in Omaha. The guys at
the station and 1 used to sit around and
yak about how great it would be if we
could . We couldn't have
believed what 1 make now. We couldnt
have believed where I live now, the job
I have—none of it, But I'm still sleeping
in а bed: it сом a Jot more, but 1 don't
sleep any better than I did then. And I
still like hamburgers—but in all of New
York City, you cannot buy one as great
as 1 used to buy at the Hamburger Hut
in Norfolk, Nebraska. You sec what I
mean? Believe me, its all relative.

PLAYBOY: During your year in Omaha,
you often worked six and seven days a

ngs that really matter.
t deal

gre

almost around the clock. Doesn't it
please you to be earning a great deal
more than you did then, for a great

deal less we
CARSON: Maybe it looks easy to a lot of
people, but sitting in that chair will take
more out of you than if you were chop
ping down trees all day
and a half hours оп the
1 think
to get

serious.

1 spend seven
ir every week.
пуопе who docs this show ought
n Emmy just for showing up. I'm
not the physical strain: it's de
bilitating mentally. In. fact, FII tell vou

something: My biggest anxiety is about.
the day Г know Гуе reached а point
where 1 can't bring the show anything
more that’s new. | was 42 this October,
sce? Physically, 1 have no concerns; but
mentally, its one of those shows where
you're working the

1 you g
суеп im bed. The pressure is to kecp it
from getting dull. 1 believe we give more
honest humor and entertainment in onc
week than most prime-time shows in a
season. But think about trying to keep
that up, five nights a week, and maybe
you'll appreciate the strain. And that's
just strain about the overall р :
then you add the strain of cach show
when you're on the air. When that red
light goes off at the end, 1 get up from
that chair already planning the show Гог
the next night. IÍ it looks easy, Fm doing
my job. It both bugs me and pleases me
when people tell me how relaxed I make
the show look. Great? Maybe the public
pures I'm ge id for it, but
the toughest job in television. Listen
understand that Im not complaining.
1 love the show; otherwise, I wouldn't be
there. I'm just saving it's tough.

PLAYBOY. You said your workday begins

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100

when you up. Would you describe
a typical day for us?

CARSON: Well, I get out of bed at nine
or ten in the mor And I'm not one
of those who spring up yelling,
Another day!” ГЇ grumble

around a couple of hours, reading news
papers and trying to pick out an idea 1
hi do something with on the show.
But 1 don ly start functioning until
ет: then about two I go to the
studio and the pace begins to quicke
Planning the time slots for this guest,
sing the sk g to
anticipate what could go wrong w
some physical particip
—like the time I dueled. with a fencing
master, Or the time 1 did a snake dance
with Augic and Margo. Or when I try
out gadgets or toys. Or the times Гус
done exercises with Debbie Drake. She's
great fun, One of my good lines came

ppo
nd sulk

that guest, rehea

ion 1 want ro do

popped into my head to ask her,
"Would you like to leave а call?
PLAYBOY: Are all of your ad libs spon-

uincous and unrehearsed?
CARSON: Very few of them are, Adib-
bing isn’t very often the instant creation

of a good linc. Morc often it's remember-
ing something you've used before and

ybe ma

ng a quick switch to fit a
fresh situation. Опсе E had Red Buttons
nd he was getting into an involved
lysis of politics, so I tokl him final
ly, "You're kind of a redheaded Dr.
1, aren't. you?” and Red
funny self again. Now,
situation bit Гус used many
times, Every comedian has a bag full of
them. 1 remember a woman on
Who Do You Trust? telling me at great
length, foo great length, about a preg-
mant dillo. She was about to bore
с audience, so I asked her, “How come
you know these things if you're not an
dilloz" They're usually old bits, but
they work like brand-new il people
laugh. Like the time we had this Latin
Qu showgirl the show, She
walked on in one of those poured-in
dresses, with her hair done up in some
exotic style. I said, "I suppose you're on
your way t0 a +H Club meeting,” and
the audience cracked up. That's the |
mor of the ludicrous, of extreme cov
trast. I've used it many times before and
I know E will many tim i
PLAYBOY: Apart [rom the skits and your
participation bits and, in a sense, some
of the ad libs, how much preparation is
nvolved in euch show?

CARSON: "The minimum that’s safely pos-
sible. Thats part of the form I have
Tittle or no advance contact with guests,

Schweitzer toni
started being
that’s a

once

arm

rer

for instance, unless theyre involved in
some skit. And the writers prepare my
opening bit—that first ten minutes after
I walk on, But I cdit what they give me
until I'm entirely comfortable with it.
ing something, topical Ive found in the
papers, if I can. Then the necessary stat
people and I plan a rundown of the
show. By the time all this is done, it’s six
PAL, and we start taping the show at
6:30. Then I'm on my own. So the objec-
tive is spontaneity within a planned
framework: but for the most part, we're

i ‚ My job isn't to hog the show,
п the audienceidentification
figure, the catalyst. When I've got a
guest who's going great on I let
go. If he looks good, I look good.
etimes, of course, the chemistry i
right, or something will go wrong, and
ГЇЇ have to change the pace or pull a
switch during a commercial or i
break. Like one time Peter O'Toole came
on. I think everyone was sure he was
di „1 thought he was, too. Fd ask him.
a question and he'd reply something i
coherent or completely unrelated, as if
he was oll in s d. So I put
on a commercial, and while it was run-
ning | asked Peter if he was OK, and I
found out the trouble. He had just flown
in from London to do the show and, be-
se of that long haul, he was just blind
with exhaustion, So while the commer-
cial was still on, 1 said, “Well, Peter,
why not just cut?” He agreed and left
without another word. When I camc
back on, I explained it to the audience
id everything was OK. But that sort of
thing is a rarity, thank God.

All too often, though, a guest w
cither dam up or be vapid and bland,
and ГИ have 10 cut it short and come
on next with a bullwhip demonstration,
or some skit I c moment's
notice, to wake us up—or wake up the
audience. Sometimes I can get us going
T up with a good gag
keyed ло what a guest is talking about.
Like once during the New York World's
Кай, | got off one that the. Moroccan
Pavilion had a belly dancer, but the
business was so bad she had a cobweb
her navel. Another time, Mr. Universe
was on, explaining the importance of
keeping yourself fit and trim. That sort
of thing can get deadly dull, of course,
d I was feeling for a good gag when
he told me something like, “Ri mber,
Mr. Carson, your body is the only home
you will ever hav And [ said, "Yeah,

his own.

ic other wor

n do on

n by comi:

imagine the mail I gor on tha
But nearly anything you say, you
help offending somebody out there. If
1 say “naked.” if T use the word “preg-
nant,” ТП get probably 500 letters com-

planing that Fm hastening national
immorality. A lot of them are from nuts
you can tell that—but many ате from
perfectly sincere people who happen to
k that practically anything is im-
Let me do а sketch about the
at or about a rabbi and there'll
be a storm of criticism.

PLAYBOY: Do you let this kind of reaction
affect your choice of material?
CARSON. You can't afford to.
time I pay attention to audience n
when it contains something 1 find possi
ble to usc for the show's benefit. You
can't Jet an audience run your show for
you. Hf you do, soon you won't have any
audience.

PLAYBOY: Do you
put television а
CARSON: 1 iry never to let them bug
but I'm not always successful. ?
likes to be zinged; but whatev
‚ 1 will continue to do what Lt

The

feel the same w
ies?

show should do. I see little that 1

o
feel is constructive in what most TV crit-
ics write—about my show or anybody
else's, One of the m reasons is that
few television critics really know much
about television. Too many of them
cx-sportswriters and ex-gz
ишим». completely маани
medium. They haven't bothered to 1
wh; . There are a fe
critics I respect: Jack Gould here in New
York; and on the Coast, Hal Humphr
But most of them are on a level wi
Sidney Skolsky, who once wrote that T
wasn't J ld have told him
that. I felt like wiring him that neithe
was he any H. L. Mencken. 1 often feel
at I'd like to give all the critics just
three hours a day of TV d say.
“ALL right, you're so bright now y
fill that three hours, every day.” You
hear less from thet pout w
with television
PLAYBOY: What's your re:
ton Minow's celebrated
television as а vast wastel:
CARSON: Sure. there's a lof of chai. on
television. No doubt of it. But let's not
forget a fundamental fact about this
medium. It starts in the morning, about
six A-M., and goes off anywhere from one
. Where are you going to find
the people то write consistently fine ma
terial 19 to 21 hours a day, 365 days a year?
A Broadway play that’s going to run for
90 minutes can take а year or more to get
m, by the bigg
ihe business; then it сап spend months
nd months on the road. being tested
every night and changed daily: they can
bring in the best script doctors in the
country—and yet that play can still
open on Broadw
first night. How сап you expect teley
ny beter or even as well—

makes it we

Us wron

10 New-
nt of

tion

to three A.

wri st playwrights in

and bomb out the

sion to do

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g more in a week than
on Broadway all year? I'm not
defending the medium just because Fm in
it: I'm just trying to explain that televi-
ion has an impossible task. Why should
it be the job of television to educate or
edify or uplift people? This is an enter-
ment medium. 1 have never seen it
chiseled in stone tablets that TV is phil-
nıhropic. Ts it television's job to im-
prove people's minds—when the libraries
© full of empty seats? Are we supposed
to provide instant. educatio
There are lots of things FI knock the
dusry for—including the fact that
there's too much junk on the air. But
there are a lot of fime programs. too. And
I think television is steadily working to
improve its programing: the competition
is so hor it guarantees that. Another
thing people so often entirely overlook
when they're criticizing is that this still
is a very young industry. My first TV
broadcast was when I was at the Univer-
sity of Nebraska. 1 was playing а milk-
man in a documentary called, believe it
or not, The Story of Undulant Fever. You
know what the broadcast range of that
show was? The cameras were in the uni-
versity theater's basement and the screen
was up in the auditorium—and that was
the first television at the universit
that was in 1919; that's how young tele-
vision is. So I don't go for this general
pping of the television industry. How
much longer, have the news-
ines and the movies
ound? Does television offer any

PLAYBOY

how

an they do? Docs television
feed its viewers anything like as much
d rid details? Yet television is

ape
always being knocked in newspaper
wine editorials. Fm not against
the press, but that sort of attack is not
only unfair but hypocritical.

PLAYBOY: Do you share,
general view of the press that televi:
commercials could stand. both impro
ment and diminution in number?

CARSON: Well, I wouldn't say there arc
too many commercials. After all, the
time has got to be paid for. The stations

must make some money in order to co
tinue programing. and ihe only way to
do this is by selling products for spon-
sors. nk we have to recognize that
and th ir Every half hour we
have just three one-minute network co
mercials: the others are within local sta-
tion breaks. My gripe wi ercials
that so many irritate me with their ha-

ing and shouting and overselling:
and I think some commercials violate good
taste. I go up the wall every time I catch
that commercial with the kids bragging
bout “twenty-two-percent fewer cavi
ties"! I happen to like and use the tooth-
aste, but E hate their commercial. And

h соз

102

I'm sick, sick, sick of stomach acids go-
ing drip. drip, drip. Nor do 1 feel TV
is the place to advertise relief for hemor-
rhoid sullerers. If 1 ran an agency that
made commercials, my credo would be,
“Be enthusiastic, but be quiet—and hon-
est." I would love to see believable soap
ads, like: “This soap won't get you а
girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband—
but it'll get you pretty clean!” 1 really
think that would sell trainloads of soap.
The advertising agencies should be called
to task when they make phony claims
and viokwe good taste and when they

i nd socialacceptance
s and snob pitches
dvertising can't be avoided,
Jot more honest

Television
but it could be a hell of
and more palatable.
PLAYBOY: For most TV sponsors, the fue
of a show is decided by its popularity
rather than its quality, by means of rat
ing systems that have been widely at
ticked not only for their life-or-death
importance to network рг

for the inadequacy amd асси

sramimers bi
y ol

their audience samplings. How much
stock do you place in them?
CARSON: I'm reminded of the могу

bout this gambler in a small-town sa
loon who is taken aside and told that the
wheel he's pl
“I know, but its the only wheel in
town." The industry seems to want
yardstick, and 1 guess the ratings are the
y cin find. I don't w how
but Fd hate to think
andom sampling of 1200 viewei
gives а true national picture. I'm cei
people aren't watching what they
tell the pollsters they watch, People of-
ten want to. project themselves as some
kind of intellectuals. so they'll say they
watched the news, or some forum, or the
ional Educ nal Network show,
when, in fact, they watched Bonanza i
The Flying Nun. You know? One thin
I'm sure of: Ratings certainly don’t ind
cate il people are buying the sponsor's
product. But Em glad 1 have the ratings
I get—aceurate or not. Anybody would
be. 1 don't concern myself too much
about them, though, because one show
will be up, опе down. If you
start worrying about a particular show,
chances are you'll do worse the nex
What really cou your ratings
average out over, say, six months. 1
never worry about program
after irs over. That was yesterda
what's tomorrow?

PLAYBOY: The Joey Bishop Show went on
opposite you several months ago. Do you
feel that Bishop repre: threat to
the Tonight Show popularit
CARSON: To tell you the truth, 1 don't
thing about it. I don't worry

is crooked. He

says,

nother

из is how

idu:

about what Joey Bishop is doing. When
his show was ready to open, people
asked me about it. and I told them I
knew it would be the noble thing for me
to say that 1 wished him much success:
but honesty compelled me to admit that
1 hoped he would fall on his face. That's
how any performer feels about his com:
petition: and if you hear anybody say
different, he's lying in his teeth. 1 think
people will have much more respect. for
you if you're honest. But по competition
is going to bother me in the sense that
ГИ lose any steep over it. D look at it as
professional golfers do. When he’s out
there in some touri t. Palmer isn't
ying about Nicklaus, or any of the
rest. Any pro golfer will tell you that's
the surest way to lose, J give all my
concentration to what Im doing, Some
will go lor Mike Douglas,
some for Merv Сай, some for Bishop,
some for me. Nobody is ever going to
walk away with the whole television
audience: there's. plenty for everyone.

PLAYBOY: In many ciues, the Tonight
show competes with one or more of the
conuoversitl! new talk shows that are
emceed. by combative, opinionated: mod

wers

eruors such as Tom Duggan, Alan
Burke and Joe Pyne. Do you ever watch
them?

CARSON: | am not a fan of those shows. I

think their format, their whole approach,
is a substitute for talent. They insult
people, They're rude. It embarrasses me to
wach that kind of prodding and goad-
ing. | don't think they'll last, because the
public will get fed up with them, People
will sce the deliberare controversy for
what it is.

PLAYBOY: The Tonight show, under your
conuol, has been criticized for deliber-
ately avoiding controversy. Is there any
truth to that?

CARSON: Well, bullshit! Tha
swer, I just don't [eel that Johnny Carson
should become a social commentator.
k Pasir got into that, bei
pen on everything happening. So did
Dave Garoway and Steve Allen and
Godfrey. Who cares what entertainers on
the air think about international allairs?
Who would want to h e about Viet-
nam? They can hear all they want from
people with reason to be respected as
knowledgeable. Controversy just isn't
what this show is for. My number-one
concern, and the concern of NBC. is
successful Tonight show. I'm mot the
host of Meet the Press. 1 think it would
he a fatal mistake to use my show as а
platform for controversial issues. Fm. an
entertainer, not а commentator. If you're
a comedian, your job is to make people
laugh. You
funny. One n
ly. D want to be a successful. comedian
ences have proved time and again

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PLAYBOY

104

cially if he’s а comedi, а comic
becomes enamored with his own views and
Foisis them off on the public in a polemic
way. he loses not only his sense of humor

but his value as a humorist. When the
public starts classifying you as thought
ful. someone given to serious issues, you

find yourself declassified as a humorist.
‘That's what happened to Mort Sahl. He
was опе of the brightest when he beg

then he began commenting humorlessly
on the social scene in his shows. How
у shows has Mort lost now? I thi

he r

izes this now—and he's starting to
get funny again, Like most people, of
course, | have strong personal opinions. 1
might even be better informed than the
ge person, just because its my
business 10 keep up on what's happen-
jg. Bur that doesn’t mean 1 should use
the show to impose mw personal views
on millions of people. We have dealt
with controversial subjects on the show—
sex, religion, Vietnam, narcotics. They've
I been discussed, by qualified guests,
and Pwe token апаз myself. But it’s
only when the subject rises naturally.
I won't purposely inject controversy just
Тог the sake of controversy. It would be
у. if that’s what 1 wanted. I could get
п the headlines any day by attacking а
major public figure like Bobby Kennedy
or by comi п in favor of birth con-

ave

tol or abortion, Bur 1 just don't see it,
it that way. I won't
a forum for my own

political views.

PLAYBOY: Is"
social

it posible for you to air
nd political views without
wloning your role as à comedian?

your

t vou comment humorously and
ically naher than seriously он cur
rent. issues?
CARSON: |t should = be—beciuse that’s

comedy at best—but

the essence of s
that’s not the way it works in practice, at

least not on television. Americans. too
many of them, tke themselves too seri
ously. You're going 10 get rapped—by

the viewers, by the sponsors and by the

erwork brass—il you joke about doc

tors, lawyers, dentists. scie bus
drivers, I don't care who. You can't make
a joke a

the most
America. 1 remem-

s are

sacred i ons in
bo somebody stole the of
Mickey Cohen, the racketer, with Co-
hen's dog inside, and I said on Steve AL
Jen's show that the police had recovered
the dog while it was holding up a liquor
store. Well, the next day this joker tele-
phoned and said. “I don't want you
should joke about Mickey Cohen,” and I
told him the joke was about his dog.

once cu

compounds the felony,”
слег said. "You just better watch y
step.” comic hits got to tread on
some toes to be funny. but he's got to be
смей how many wes he steps on, and
who they belong to. 1 think the biggest
rap mail I ever got was once when a girl
said on the show that we should send
Elvis Presley to Russia to improve our
Soviet Union relations, and 1 said, “I
don't about Russia, but ir might
improve relations here.” Presley fans tore
me up. You ything abour
practically anything that can be consid-
cred someone's vested interest. Once I
planned то air a joke about how the Gov-
ernment ought to be run like Madison
Avenue would run it. Write ads lik

can be sure il i's the White House.”
1 was told, "No, can't kid the Govern-
ment" Well why nol? Another time E
was intending to kid the phone company
a bit, and I couldn't—because the Bell
Telephone Hour was on the same. net-
work. H you plan i0 stay in relevisio
you just have to adjust to these taboos,
however ridiculous they arc. But 1 must.
say that the timidity of the censors really
floors me sometimes. For instance. it's
touchy, touchy if you say "damn" on ТУ.
Once, in 1964, somebody brought a dog
оп my show that actually said “Hello.”
It stunned me so that 1 blurted, “The
damn thing talks!" Well, that word got
blooped from the sound track belore the
show was aired. 1 say that any adult who
gets offended at hearing "dan
"hell" ought not to be watchi
ading books. These same people,
interestingly enough. seem to have no
similar objection to the amount of vio
lence on TV; otherwise, you wouldn't
see so much of it. I've come to the con-
dusion that it’s OK to kill somebody on
tdlevision as long as don't say
damn!" as you strke your victim do
PLAYBOY: In its reent cover story about
you, Time magazine clucked editorially
bout what it felt was your taste for
bathroom hum
justified criticism?

CARSON: That's one of the two things in
that whole artide that I resemed. The
other line I didn’t like was that 1 had di-
vorced my first wile, I didn't; she di-
vorced me. 1 didn’t initiate it. The way

now

you

Do you [cel that’s a

they put it made it sound like 1 was the
kind of guy who made it big and then
t rid of the one who had stuck with

him all the way. An about 0
bathroom-humor bi
didn't use the word he iniended; E think
he meant double-entendie — jokes—bc-
cause toilet humor T don't like at all. not
from mc or guests.

PLAYBOY: Then you do indulge in double.
eniendres

CARSON: Occasionally, yes—but without

yway.
1 think the writer

from

striving for it and without violating what
I consider good taste.

PLAYBOY: The rap letters you've said you
receive from viewers imply otherwise
CARSON: There's a lot of hypocrisy in au
dienes, Га never dream of telling even
on a nightdub stage, let alone my show,
some of the jokes that arc told in a lot of
ihe living rooms from which we get
those letters! If you can't talk about any-
thing grown-up or sophisticated ar mid
night without being called immoral and

diri. then I think we're in trouble. After
all, by the time. we go on the air, dic
children are supposed t0 be in bed

asleep. E can't just prattle about what 1

had for lunch and expect people to tune

in every night. We'd be dead soon if we
got dull enough net to E
have to get in something now and then
that's provocative. Take comics You
can't have Sam Levinson on all the

bout kids and school.
things up

with
somebody like Mel Brooks. Mel сап get

to liven occasionally
close to the line, on the line. or he'll edge
beyond it; he may offend, but when he's
going great, really winging, he's near a
genius. There are some guests, of course,

who make a fetish of blue material, But
iE Û once feel that, you won't sce them on
my show again. Nor will 1 let а guest say

sometl
vanicce—cspoc
But Tin not
something |

g blue that I c ad
ly if it's jux to be blu
ng to worry about it if
ıs do slip—and it сап

n sense

pp
just as well be me as a guest. Even when

no double is intended, that
pious bunch out there in the audience
will make up its own and write in about
it. Thats more of a commentary about
them, in my op is about us.
PLAYBOY: Many of those sime people.

meaning

id their journalistic spokesmen, seem to
feel that the sexual suggestiveness—and
overt eroticr—they perceive on televi
sion, in movies. magazines and books is
evidence of a moral dedine in society at
large. What's your reaction?

CARSON: Well, if youre talking about
sexual morality. I wouldn't agree that its
but is certainly changing.

nd old. we are very much in
the process of taking a fresh look at the
whole issue of morality. The only dedine
nd it's about time

—is 1
sex is with sin. You hear the
word being thrown
around people's

nds, that translates to “promiscuity.”
But it just ain't so. You read about col
lege administrators deploring the d.
of too much permisive
The fact is that the biggest problems
in this area are being experienced at
colleges that are persisting in the old

cent

cs on campus.

^ full color reproduction of Ken Davies original painting, 19 by 21 inches, may be had postpaid by sending $1.00 to Department P.
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The Responsibility of
Being the Best—

There is always one best—a tribute to its producers, a recurrent
delight to those privileged to enjoy it.

Rightly proud of their position, the proprietors of such a brand must
also be deeply aware of the responsibility.

Every unit of their classic product must be the essence of perfection
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101 Proof-8 Years OId-AUSTIN, NICHOLS & CO., INC. New York-New York

PLAYBOY

10 ove

Light disciplines
see every student activity that might
hold any potential for sexual contact. Te
doesn't work. of course. At one school T

know about, in the men’s dorms, they're
to have female visitors only

for one to two hours in the early eve-

ning. All that means is that if a couple

wants to go to bed. they can't do й

the afternoon. On Gumpuses with very

little adminisnative supervi

are mo problems at all.

dems latitude for personal

doesn't result in everybody. jumping into

the hay with everybody else. Theyre

still just as selective about whom they

have sex with. 105 not promiscuity: it’s
just that private behavior is left up 10 the
wdividual. Im lor that. Whether you
ee or disagree with. Madalyn Murra
on the subject of atheism, you've got to
"t when she sa
Nobodv's going
10 tell me Гуе got to get a license to
screw" Ies ludicrous to declare that it's
wrong to ha you're

were enforced, we'd have to build prisons
to hold four fifths of the population.

PLAYBOY: When you talk about the ludi-
crousness of laws and mores forbidding

sex outside та do you mean pre
or extramarital sex?
CARSON: Premarital. Some may consider

it old-fashioned. bur 1 feel tha

t very few

people can have sex elsewhere and still

man

maintain а good
enough to keep up

we. Из tough
good. solid marital

relationship even when both partners arc
completely faithful.
PLAYBOY: How do you feel about such

voups as the Sexual Freedom League?
CARSON: For some, they seem to work:
but for me, I pass. 1 simply couldn't im-
gine engaging in anything like that. At
the sime time, I recognize there are all
kinds of sex deviations in this world
they are real needs for а lot of people, or
they wouldn't be doi whatever they
do. As long as it’s this way, I think we
ought to come to grips with the fact th
there never сап be any successful legisla-
tion against private, nonexploitive sex. I
don't want to start sounding like some
boy philosopher, Lut our sex laws seem
› be predicated on the puritanical as-
mption that all scx—especially any
variations from the marital. norm—is
diry and should be suppressed. At the
с. our national obsession with
as to be predicated on ће belief
that sex constitutes the cntire substance
of the relationship between man and
ad that's just as sick as feeling
ave no part in human re-
mn healthy part of
"s for sure. But it’s

SEX see

just a part, and we seem bound and
determined to make it unhealthy.
PLAYBOY: How would you suggest we go
about ridding society of these hang-ups?
CARSON: We need to start with the kids.

We need to completely overhaul not
only our own neurotic values but the
abysmal sex education in our school.
When anthropologist. Ashley Montag
was on my show mot long ago. he
said. and ] couldn't have agreed with

him more—ihat in any sexual rela
ship. adult or otherwise, married or un-
married. the key word is responsibility.
We have to young people to
ask ready 10 assume
the responsibility of a sexual т
ship?” Even the clergy are openly saying
this to youth now. They've quit. most of
them, irying to weep sex under the rug.
s if it doesn't happen. Look at the his

then

school girls who "
W's a dinle late to give them a
education, Thats why | feel

› fourth
an the whole clinical

п the

should зш

They talked about
1 everybody gig-

called it
sperm and vulva
gled. No teacher ever said a word to us
about the complex role of sex in our lile
with other people. Nobody told us it
wasn't dirty, that it could be and shoukl
be pleasurable and that viral
necessity to most people. It's the lack of
this kind of open and honest education
about sex that causes so many kids to
grow up with sexual hang-ups, As it is,
theyre having to find things ош by
themselves—argely in rebellion against
parental example. Kids are experiment
ing sexually and discovering that they
ke up routed or dam

Sex ds a

don't ей in the

morning, like they've been told by their
parems and their clergyman. Young
people see adults wifeswapping and phi

landering, and yet piously maintaining
that sex and counseling them
hypocritically about the "sinfulness" or
turity” of intercourse outside mar-
riage. Like their ра kids Hock to sec
James Bond and Derek Flint moyies—
outrageously antiheroic heroes who break
all the taboos. making attractive the ve
things the kids are told they shouldn't

acred

и»

do themselves, Well, theyre figur-
ing “Why can't I" and theyre not
buying the ore. Why
should they? They're seeing a war
that nobody wants. and the frightening
prospect of a Word War Three that
would incinerate us all. H y is ca
pable of doing that, irs the adults, not

е уа

the young people. а majority of
us don't want то [ace the fact that we're
n the middle of a sv

ping social revo

lution. In sex. In spiritual values. In
opposition to wars no one wants, In op
position to Govern brotherhood.
In civil rights. In basic human goals.
They've all facets of a general upheaval
PLAYBOY: One of the
facets of that upheaval has been the exo
dus of thousands of young, people out
society and imo hippie с
Do vou [cel they've chosen
ternative to the squ:
unlivable

nost conspicuous

ties,

CARSON: No, I don't. They
involved in so of search for ide

tity, but E don't tk theyre going to
find it—not in Haight-Ashbury, anyway
Most of them. to me. seem lost and
floundering. They've removed them
selves from society, yet we sce that they
continue to expect society 10 provide
them with necessities like medical help

and food
PLAYBOY: M

iv of them are provided for
by the Diggers. Don't you find that a
reassuring evidence of self reliance
CARSON: How sustaincd do vou think
Aren't they doing it as
them continue
looking alter the hippies fur a few years
then maybe Ell look at it differently.
PLAYBOY: The hippie movement is linked
im the public mind with usage of psy
chedelic drugs. How do vou feel about
this wend?
CARSON: | think it's
frightening things youth, or anybody
else, could. possibly get involved in. We
just don't have enough authoritative
formation yet about. how d
10 camper with he mind—but even
what litte we do know should be
enough to give them pause. Don't they
know about the high ratio of genetic de-
fect—known already., His early? These
drugs are so new i ich has jus
barely scratched the. surface
Already. we know
tion. We scc
1 emergency wards filling
not yet 20 years old,
ош! Nobody ever
AL they hear about
hemicals and
themselves

one of the n

юм

gerous it is

ї rese

ages they can cause.
pout chromosome. debili
hospi
young people, so
completely wigged
tells them the fa
is how they can take these
expand find
Bullshit! Who have we yet seen emerge

from the drug culture with any great

with

themselves,

new truths? Timothy Lear А brilliant
man, obviously. But whats the philoso
phy he expounds? "Tune in, turn on.

drop out" 1 wouldn't let hi my
show. | wouldn't let him spout that
nonsense,

PLAYBOY: In condemning the use ol

chemical turn-ons, do you c
with LSD and th

sily mart

other

psychedelic?
CARSON: No,

1 don't put marijuana ii

g with LSD or any of the

the same bag

hard narcotics. People are wrong when
isn't addicting,
though. Гус known people who use it.
known them all my adult lite, and 1
know they are at teast psychologically

they say marijuan

addicted. But ies just a mild stimulan
actually, And 1 think that the laws
пм! its use are repressive out of all
an Td
wont to (rv it mysell—or any of the

proportion. But that doesn't

other hallucinogens: it’s tough enough to

navigare in this world without drugs. It
may not seem like much ol a world to
the kids. but it’s the only one we've got,
and dropping out of it бит going to

thing.
PLAYBOY. Many уо
fur from dropping out. have. become ac
tivists in the studeneprorest. movement

people. of course,

society rather than

imem on changing
y it, How do you feel about
this kind of rebellion?

CARSON: | [cel that
ghi to dissent from wh
But to what extreme
и? 1 think students ought to have the
right 10 protest. but not 10 the point of

I
t the impression thar they often didu't

aband

у of us has the
t we don't like

у Шке that Berkeley situatic

know just what it was they were protest
ing aginst. Ewentially. there was just
1
around words like Freedoms" aud
Righis" What rights аге they talking
about? What about other people's ri

When they brandish four-tetrer placards

a small, hardcore leadership throwing

ind. shout “Fuc
u the hell
how sophom

t at free-speech rallies

те they proving except
they are? As for the
ds, Û think it’s stupid

burning of draft c

and poinless—though no more stupid
ind pointless than the war itself. It's

1
like any war we were ever in. An unde-
And it

and on. Em a father with

cared war. An unpopular wa

keeps g

ı boy coming out of high school next
year, and P don't look lorward ло his
marching olf over there. 1 don't think
anybody. dissenting against this war bas
ану business | led
cam. bur D still domt see burning draft
cards, Fm all for the

Ameri

ht to dissent: lots
ed. Bu I

of things need i0 be ch

think we have to respect some bound

aries. some И we dont want to
wreck the country. Ht сап happen. a lot
quicker than. people think if лоо many

dissents and rebellions get out. of per

spective—and out of hand
PLAYBOY: Do you think the Negro riots
pose that kind of danger?

CARSON: They certainly do—if we don't
do something to end them once a
al: and 1 dont r
The big il
after show, special after special, about

n with more tanks

on television now is show

One man, one smell.

Take everything a guy splashes, sprays and дарз о.
himself in the morning. Dump it in a bowl. And smell it. Yo
think it's awful? So does Yardley.

That's why they've created Jaguar soap, which smell:
like Jaguar talc. Which smells like Jaguar deodorant. Which
smells like Jaguar hairspray. Which smells like Jaguar after
shave. Which is a kind of great masculine smell that doesn’

disappear when you put it on. JAGUAR by Yardley .

107

PLAYBOY

108 that job autom

Presidential
committees. of

the ri
formed.

the reasons for
commission

mayors and police chiefs convene, to i
vestigate the causes and the culprits.
That's ridiculous. The why of the black

revolution is no great mystery. What's
sparked it all, of course, is desperation;
«bis c that most whites can't
seem to grasp that simple fact. Negroes
saw the Civil Rights Act passed ten years
ago—yet really seen much
since then in the way of enforcement.
Why? Because too many whites "
favor of integration and equality only so
long as it never touches them. only until
some Negro makes a move to buy into
their block, until they find themselves
with Negroes for th

heen some progress in the past decade
but it's been too little and too slow— just
enough to ghe Negroes а wsie of. ficc-
dom and equality, but mor enough to
make either a reality. So the discontent
and frustration erupt into violence. It's
understandable, but we all know it’s nor
oing to solve anything. The exhorta-
ns of extremists like Rap Brown and
Negroes to
themselves amd get Whi
be designed to win friends
influence people, but they're not
to win freedom for the Negro. either
They're just goi ma
retaliation by whites and ghastly carnage
om both sides. So-called moderate lead-
em like Marin Luther King deplore
these tactics. too—but what does he pro-

t
Stokely Carmichael —urgin

im
not

су—4

woo result i

sive

pose as an alternative? A guaranteed а
nual income of S3200 for all Negroes.
He says it’s a compensation, an overcom-

pensation, ro make up for what's been
done to the Negro. for what the Negro
has been deprived of, in this country.
Thats all well and good, but wher
that money going to come from? If
body is given any sum, somebody сіе
has got to provide it. Black or white, if

you're not working and I am, then if you
receive $3200, lur providing it. That's

just replacing one injustice with another.
Negro leaders call оп the Government to
appropriate 50 billion dollars to "erase
the ghettos"—but that's not going to
solve anything, either, not by itself. You
could gut Harlem today and rebuild it
tomorrow—but unless we do something
10 uproot the injustices that created the
ghetto, all we'll have built, at a cost of
billions, is a nicer cage. This obsessive
hasis on money, money,
ply isn't the

теу
экст.

just
And neither is this pressure that’s being

mont

nizations,

Negro
ly qualified. to g
ly to the Negro, just

plied by civil rights org
when а job is open for which
and a white are eq

ive

because he's а Negro. Fundamentally,
that’s both condescending and subtly de
meaning to that Negro. The problem
n't going to be solved by reverse favor
itim any more than it is by giveaw
It comes down to just one basic word:
justice—the same justice for everyone—
in housing, in education. in employment
nd. most dificult of all, in human re-
lutions. And we're not going 10 accom
plish that until all of us, black and white,
begin to temper our passion with com.
passion, until we stop thinking in terms
of more guns and more me nd start
listening to more realistic and responsible
leadlers—leaders who will begin, how-
ever belatedly. to practice what they
preach: equality for all

PLAYBOY: Speaking of political leaders
practicing what they preach, what was
your reaction to the widely publicized

transgressions of Congresman Adam
Clayton Powell and Senator Thomas
Dodd?

CARSON: Well, whatever ее they did,
they became victims of al double
standard: the publie’s pi idem

tion of its elected olficials for conduct it
condones im private life. However
justly and hypocritically. people expect
those in positions of public trust to be as
spotless as a minister. I certainly think
we have the right to expect our. politi
ns uphold their vow of ofice with
honesty and integrity—but only il we
apply those same ethical standards to
ourselves. As long as we shrug at the
kind of corporate espionage and financial
hankypanky that gocs on in bu as
long as we take for granted the kind of
tax-loophole sleight of hand and expense-
account padding that goes on in everyday
life, we'll get exactly the kind of public
officials we deserve.

PLAYBOY: In the three years since Presi-
dent Johnson's re-election. a great deal
has been said and out the
credibility gap—pardcularly in regard

to the disparity between his professions
of peaceful

tentions im Vietnam and
his continued escalation of the war. How
do you feel about it?

CARSON: Well. | have to admit that at
times I find myself with the very uncom-
fortable feeling that the public isn't get-
ting all the information it ought to. that
we're not bei Hy hi
pening—but not just in Vietnam. Td say
it started, at least for me, with the U2
ment denied and
den ied—and then the truth
came out. The most recent instance.
course, was the revels
on college
as undercover agents to report on so-
called get th
feeling that Geo may

incident. The Gover

d and dei

mpuses by

subyersive activities. 1
Orwell

been right when he predicted that B
Brother might

be watching
someday, ПУ not very reassuring about
the ideals of those we entrust with the
power to promote and protect the in
етем» of this country.
PLAYBOY: Let's talk about the qualifica
tions of those who run for public office
How do you feel about the wend toward.
exshow-business personalities in. politics
—men who, like George Murphy and
Ronald Reagan, win elections almost en.
tirely on the strength of their affable
screen images?
CARSON: | couldn't care less about a can
«ае previous occupation, as long as i
something respectable, E dont care
hot-dog vendor gets to be President.
He had to be voted in there by the
people, who hail other choices. We've had
doctors, lawyers, tomobile executives.
even exchaberdashers in public life and I
haven't heard any complaints about their
backgrounds. What them
more or less qualified than an actor
Why should а movie star be treated as if
he’s diseased or something just because
he decides 10 r for office? He could
have the clap and it wouldn't necessarily
affect his abilities as a political leader. A
politician should be judged by his per-
formance in office, not. by his former
livelihood. If he does an incompetent job.
public can always throw him out. The
ighi after Shirley Temple announced.
her candidacy for Con
on the show about

is it

makes any

ress, we did а skit
he Good Ship Lolli-
de fun at her expense:
but 1 certainly don't think the fact. that
she once played Little Miss Marker should
isqualily her for offic. Who knows?
ht make a pretty good Congress
womian—certaily no worse than some
we've seen.
PLAYBOY: On
ago, New York's Gove
gested th

few months
or Rockefeller
you consider running for
Republican can-
st Bobby
think ol the

your show а

Congress yourselt—as
for the Se
. What do

че
you

No, thanks! Even if Gover
Rockefeller hadn't been saying that wi
tongue in cheek, D wouldn't have the
lies interest in ru
office. Га rather make jokes
1 become one of the
the show, somebody asked
morrow's comedians were coming Irom.
and | told him, based upon my recent
observations, from the Democratic and
Republican p:
PLAYBOY: Your
dian could hardly be more unl

CARSON-

ies.

ns as a come-
€ the fa-

own orig

D
Lower
White W:

ағ showbiz story that begins on the
ast

e and ends on the Great
h stop-olfs en route on the
256)

(continued on pag

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blinds, atoms whirled unobserved, cures
and poisons formed in locked rooms.
Electromagnetic tumblers guarded а mil-
lion formulas in safes that reflected a
am of steel in stray rays of moonlight.
Та the one brightly lit, scrubbed room,
ite a to
a liquid into a shallow
glass recep dding а puce-colored
powder to the contents of а beaker, mak
ing notes on a baby-blue work pad. This
was Collier Mannichon. He was med
sized, plump, his face was melon-round,
melon-smooth (he had to shave only twice
week), his high forehead, melon-bulged.
Looking at him, it was impossible uot to
be reminded of a smooth-skinned canta-
loupe, тіре, but not particularly tasty,
and equipped with thick glasses. He had.
teapot-blue eyes, with the expectant
presion of an infant whose diapers have
wet for some time. There was a
h fuzz on top of the melony fore-
head and a small watermelon of a paunch,
Collier Mannichon did not look like a
Nobel Prize winner. He was not a Nobel
He was 29 y з

Prize winne:

топок. He knew that statistics showed
that the

mijority of great scientific dis-
coveries had been made by men before
they reached their 32nd birthday. He had
two years and nine months to go.

His chances of making a g
tilic discovery in the Vogel-Paulson Lab-
oratories were remote. He the
Detergents and Solvents department. He
was assigned to the task of searching for
a detergent that would eventually break
down in water, as there had been several
unpleasant articles in national magazines
recently about frothing sewers and ru
ning brooks covered with layers of suds

t xci

was in

in which пош died. Mannichon knew
that nobody had ever won the Nobel
Prize for inventing a new detergent,
even one that did not kill trout. In one
week. he would be 29 усих and 4
months old.

Other men in the laboratory, younger
men, were working on leukemia and
cancer of the cervix and compounds that
showed promise in the treatment of
schizophrenia. "There was even a 20-
yearold prodigy who was assigned to do

something absolutely secret with [rcc
АН possible roads to Stock.
They were called in to h level

staff meetings, and Mr. Paulson invited.
them to the country club and to his
home and they drov n sports
cars with pretty, is, almost
like movi Paulson never
came into the detergent department, and
when he passed Mannichon in the cor
dors, he called him Jones. Somehow. six
years ago, Mr. Paulson had got the idea
that Mannichon's name was Jones.
Mannichon was married to a woman
who looked like a casaba melon and he
had two children, а boy and a girl, who
looked like what you might expect them
to look like, and he drove a 1959 Ph
outh. His wife made no objections to his
working at night. Quite the opposite.
Sull it was beter than teachin
chemistry in a high school.
He was working at night because he
d been confronted by a puzzling reac-

Чоп that afternoon, Не had raken the
company's stindard detergent. Floxo,
and added, more or less at random, some

of the puce-colored powder, а compara-
tively simple mixture known familiarly
as dioxotetramerephenoferrogene 14,
which was known to combine frecly with

“ ates. ]t was an expensive
chemical and he had had some im-
ats with the auditing de-

partment about his budget, so he had
used only one gram to а pound of Floxo,
which cost 51.80 a ton to produce
was sold at all your better supermarkets
for 47 cei the convenient. household
cconomy-size giant package, with Green
Stamps.

He had put in a piece of white cotton
waste, stained with catsup from his
luncheon lettuceand-tomato sandwich

and had been disappointed to see that
while his control solution of pure Floxo

Jiction By IRWIN SHAW

had completely removed the stain from a
similarly prepared piece ol cotton waste,
the solution. with dioxoretramercpheno-
ferrogene 14 had left a dearly defined
ring on the doth, which looked just like
what it was, catsup.

He had tried a solution with one milli-
gram of dioxoteuamercphenofcirogenc
14, but the result had been exactly the
same, He had been working on the proj
cct for 16 months and he was under
standably a litle discouraged and wa
about to throw both samples out when
he saw that while the pure Floxo was
sudsing away in iw usual national
magazinedisapproved manner, the reat-
ed mixture now looked like the most
limpid mountain. spring water.

When he realized the enormity of his
discovery, he had to sit down, his knees
wo weak 10 carry him. Before his cycs
danced a vision of sewers that looked
just like sewers in 1800 and rront le
at the very mouths of conduits leading
from thickly settled housing develop-
ments. Mr. Paulson would no longer call
him Jones. He would buy a Triumph. He
would get a divorce and get fitted for
contact lenses. He would be promoted to
C

ping

incer.

АШ that remained to be done wa
find the right proportion of dioxoten
mercphenolerrogene 14 to Floxo, the
exact ratio that would not produce post-
operational suds and at the same time
not leave rings and his future would be
assured.

‘Trained researcher as he was, he set
about methodically, though with quick
beating heart, making one mixture after
another. He was lavish with the dioxo-
retramercphenolerrogene 14. This
moment for penny-pinching. He
of catsup and used tobacco tar from his
pipe instead. But all through the after-
noon. all through the lonely vigils of the
night (he had called his wife and told
her not to wait for dinner), the results
were always the same. The telltale ring
remained. It remained on cotton. It re
aed on linoleum. It remained o
stic. Ic remained on leatherette, It re
ned on the back of his hand.

He did Erlich had tried
605 con before the magic
606th. Science was long, time nothing.

He ran ont of inanimate testing ma-
terials. He took out two white mice from

10 him be-
sed to grow

rumning а
s t0 wash
swith Floxo, because
in the household field
St competitor, Wondro,
s ol exploitation were
ig called for. The results on the mice
were the same as on everything che
One mouse came out as white as the day
it was born aud the solution it had been
washed in frothed normally. The other
mouse looked as though it had been
branded, but the solution Mannichon had
used on it clarified. within five minutes.

He killed the two mice. He was a c
scientious man. He didn't use second-run
mice, In killing the second mouse. he had
the impression of being bitten. He pre
pared a new solution, this time with a
millionth of m of dioxotetramere-
phenoler 11. went to

a batch that had been give
cause they obstinately rel
tumors. VogcebPuulon wis

campaign. to induce dog owne
co:

their animals

Floxo was lj
behi
ul new ave

the
с
He had a mixed lot in the cages. Since
he got the mice thar were considered
scientifically useless. everywhere
the laborories, he had mie that
sullercd Irom gigantism, blind mice,
black mice, piebald mice, mice that ate
their freakish yellow mice, gray
mice with magenta spots and mice that
dashed themselves to death against the
bars of their cages upon hearing the note
Mat on a tuning fork

Gingerly avoiding their fangs. he ез
traced. two mice Irom their cages. The
in which the

else in

you

тос

darkness, in deferet
departments views on the extravag
current. in Detergents and
Mannichon didn't the
color of the mice until he brought them
into his laboratory. They were yellowish
in tone. almost like an oll-breed golden
Labrador or an unwell С laundry
man. He stained the mice carefully with
He had been smoking fu
riowsly to produce
amd his tongue was raw, but this was no
time to balk at sacrilice

He pat one mouse
and distilled water a

- ol elec
Solvents, so

ассо L

fully, alter running alcohol over his
mds The mouse
to enjoy h. as the stain

the suds fizzed. He put the
ar mix md

тоа

ded a millionth of m ol dioxo-

tetramercphenolerogene H. He washed
lus hands again ın alcohol. When he
turned back to the second mouse, he saw
that it had fallen over on its side into the
solution. He bent over and peered at the
mouse, H it breathing, И was
dead. He had seen enough dead. mice to
know a dead mouse when he saw

He felt а wave of irritation with the o
ganization of the laboratory. How did
they expect him to get any serious work
done when they gave him mice that col-
lapsed at the first touch of the hunan
hand?

He disposed of the dead mouse. and
went into the nest room for a fresh one
This time, he turned on the light. The
hell with those bastards in Audit.

Moved by one of those flashes of
spivation that reason cannot explain. but
which have made for such leaps forward,
in the sciences. he picked out another
yellowish mouse. a sister of the one that

was

had died. Detiantly. he lett the light ou
in the mouse room. which began to
tweak at about eight decibels.

Back in the laboratory, he carefully

co
first
its

anointed the new mouse with toba
tar, noticing meanwhile that the
mouse was sill happily frisking i
invigorating suds. He put the mouse he
was camying down empty. glass
dish, is sides just a little too high [o
jumping. Then he poured some of the
mixtine with dioxotenamercphenofe
gene 14 in it over the new mouse.
For a moment, nothing happened, He
warched closely, his face six inches from
the glass pan. The mouse sighed and lay
down quietly and died.

Mannichon sat up. He stood up. He lit
a new pipe. He wem t0 the window. He
looked out the window. The moon was
sinking behind a chimney, He pulled on

lis pipe. Somewhere here. he sensed
wih bis scientists trained intuition,
there was a cause and there was an

fect. The ellecr was fairly evident. Two
dead mice. But the first mouse, the white
mouse, that he had put into practically
the same solution, had mot died. even
though the stain had remained in its fur.
w mouse, yellow mouse, yellow
mouse, white mouse, Mannichon's head
began to ache. The 1 disappeared
behind die chimney

Mannichon went
The dead yellow
alrealy stiffening, lool

ite

back to the table.
pau was

puse in on

g peaceful

ILLUSTRATIONS BY DOM IVAN PUNCHAT

the dear, cleandooking liquid. Iu the
other pan. the other yellow mouse was
surfing on the pure Floxo suds. Mann
chon removed the dead mouse and put it
into the refrigerator for future reference.

He went back into the mouse room,
now tweaking a 11 decibels He
brought back with him a gray mouse,

ck mouse and a piebald mouse. With-
bothering to stain them. he put them
one by one into the solution in which the
two yellow mice had died. ‘They all
seemed to relish the immersion
pichald mouse was so [risky alter i
it auempted to mate with the
mouse, though they were
male:
mice 1
stared
T
Mediterr
Floxo.
M

both
hon pur all three control

eve

ni
K into portable cages and then
had and dong on the yellow
still basking in its mi
wan of loamy, neverdailing

yellow
thor
irie the
Mannichon got the
that he had been bitten
Then he carefully ler the. yellow
mouse down into the pan in which his
two brethren had died and in
which the three varicolored control mice
had sported.

dhon gently lifted the

mouse out of the suds. He dried
oughly, which semed to
beast.

Somehow,

yellow

For a moment, nothing happened.
Then, in his turn, the yellow mouse in
the middle of the pan sighed aud lay
down and died,

Mannichou’s headache made hi

close his eyes for 60 seconds. When he
opened them, the yellow mouse was still
dead, lying as it had Fallen ín the crystal
clear. liquid.

was assailed by a
ss. Nothing like this had ever oc
ved to him in all the years he had
ing the cause of He
was too tired to Uy to figure ош what
had bec ag, whether it was lor
the bener or for the worse. whether it
advanced detergeuts or put them back
100 yeas, whether it moved. him. Man
hon, closer to Cancer or back 10 Floor
nd Glues. or even 10 severance
pay. His brain refused to cope with the
problem any longer thar night and he
mechanically put the dead. mouse next to
its mate in the refrigerator. tabbed the
gray mouse, the black mouse and the pie
bald up. wrote his notes,

cu
been

sen каси.

113

PLAYBOY

put out the lights and started for home.

He didn't have the Plymouth tonight,
because his wife had needed it to go to
play bridge and all the buses had long
since stopped running and he couldn't
afford a taxi, even if he could
found one at that hour, so he walked
home. Оп his way, he passed the Plym-
owh, parked in front of a darkened
house on Semen Sucet, more than а
mile away from his home. Mannichon's
wife had not told him whose home she
was playing bridge in and he didn't rec
ognize the house and he was surprised
that people would still be playing bridge
at two o'clock in th 1 with
the curtains so tightly drawn that no
beam of light shone through. But he
didn't go in. His presence when she wa
playing bridge, his wife said, upset her
bidding.

“Collect your notes.” Samuel Crockett
was saving, "and put them in your bri
case and lock it, And lock the refriger-
tor." There were now 18 dead yellow
mice in the refrigerator. “I think wed
better talk about this someplace where
we won't be disturbed."

It was the next aft
had called in Crockett. who worked
the laboratory next door, at 11 A.M. M.
nichon had arrived at the lab at 6:30
unable 10 sleep. and had spent the
morning dipping everything yellow he
mo the solution. which
Crockett had begun calling the Man
chon solution at 2:17 vat. Tt was the first

could find

time anything had been called after
Mannihon (his two children were
named after his father-indaw and hi
mother-in-law) and Mannidion was be
ginning, dimly, to see himself as a Fig-
ure im the World of Science. He had

aheady decided to get himself fitted. Tor
contact lenses before they came to pho-
aph him for the national magazines.
rocket, or “Crock,” as he was called,
was one of the young men who drove
round in an open sports car with lasciv-
ious girls. It was only a Lancia, but it
was open. He had been top man in his
dass at МІТ and was only 25 years and
З months old and he was working on
voluntary crystals and complex prot
molecules, which was. in the Vogel-
Paulson hierarchy, like being a marshal
on Napoleon's май. He was а lean, wiry
Yankee who knew which side his experi-
mental bread was buttered on. After the
long morning of dipping bits of yellow
everything (yellow silk, yellow cotton
yellow blotting paper) into the solution,
with no reaction whatsoever, and. execut-
ing more than а dozen yellow mice,
Mannichon had felt the need for another
mind and had gone next door, where
Crockett had been sitting with his feet
up on а stiintessstee Laboratory table,
chewing on a cube of sugar soaked in
LSD and list to Thelonious Monk
on a portable phonograph.

"There had been an initial burst of irri
tation. “What the hell do you want
Flox?" Crockett had said. Some of the
younger men called Mannichon “Flox”
as a form of professional banter. But then
Crockett had consented to come along,
after Mannichon had skeiched out the
nature ol his visit. Enlisting Crockett's
help had already paid off handsomely.
He had had the idea at 1:57
т.м. of introducing drops of the solution
orally to various colored mice, ending up

the gray mice.
mice, the piebald mice, had reacted with
i ter a few drops of the solution,
becoming gay and belligerent. The yel
low mouse had quietly died 28 minutes
alter its drink. So now they knew the so-
lution worked internally as well as exter-
nally. However, Crockett had mot yet
come up with any ideas on how to erase
the telltale ring that remained. after the
solution was used to take out stains. He
rested in that
aspect of the problem. But he had been
pressed by the way even the smallest
proportion of dioxotetramercphenoferro-
gene 11 had reduced the stubborn Floxo
suds and had complimented Mannichon
his terse Yankee way. “You've got
something there.” he had said, sucking on
1 LSD зш cube.

Why can't we talk here?” Manuichon
said. as Crocker) m preliminary
moves 10 get out of the laboratory. Man-

nichon punched in and punched out and
he didn't want the personnel department
coming asking him why he had taken
hall a Thursday afternoon oll.

was all Crock-

nichon put all his notes in his briefcase,
aged on shelves all the apparatus
pplies they had been using. locked
igerator followed Crockeit
out imo the corridor.
They met Mr. Paulson near the [ront
ate. “Crock, oll Crock,” Mr. Р
said, putting his arm fondly around
Crocket's shoulder. "My boy. Hello,
Jones. Where the hell arc you going?"
1—7 Mannichon began, knowing
he was going to stutter.
Appointment at
Crockett said crisply. “I'm driving him.
Aha," said Mr. Paulson. “Science has
million сусу. Good old Croc
They went out the front
"Aren't you taking your car Mr.
Jones?" the parking lot attendant asked
Mannichon. Four years before, he had

and

the rel

Ison

an — optician’s,

heard Mr. Paulson call Mannichon
Jones.”
Here," Crockett cut in. He gave the
inglot cube of LSD

т as a tip.
hanks, Mr. The parking-
lot attendant popped the cube imo hi

mouth and be to suck it. The Li

swooped out of the lot onto the highway,
Italian, the Via Veneto. national maga
zines, the Affluent Society, open to the
sun, wind and rain. Ah, God, Mannichon
thought, this is the way to live.

“Now,” said Crockett,
the pluses and the minuses

They were sitting in a dark bar, dec
orated like an English coaching inn.
curled brass horns, whips hunting
prints. At carefully spaced intervals along
the mahogany bar, three married. ladics
sat
who were not their husl
was drinking Jack Daniel's and water.
Mannichon sipped at an alexander, the
coholic drink he could get down,

es add up

Plus onc," Crockett said. 77
Enormous advantage. The polluted riv-

“Minus one,” Crockett went oi
ing for another Jack Daniel's. He drank

i. "Minus one—residual rings. Not an
insuperable obstacle, perhaps.

“Question of time," Mannichon. mur-
mured. "With different catalysts, we
might ——"

"Perhaps," Crockett said. "Plus two.

linity, as yet unclear, to yellow

living organisms. so far essentially
confined to mice. Further experiment

чий, a

ted along this linc.
AIL specific chemici

clearly indi
breakthrough. 1 afi
кз with diverse particularized organ-
isms eagerly sought after. Definitely a
breakthrough. You will be praised.”

Well Mr. Crockett” — Mannichon
said. sweating with even more pleasure.
language like that from а man
who had been first in his year at MIT, "it

inly ii"

me Crock,” Crockett said.
this together."
Mannichon said gratefully.

olution seems to bc f.
for which it shows affinity. Question is—

is it really a minus?

из... well... unsettling” Ма
nichon said, thinking of the 18 rigid

e in the locked refrigerator

Negati tions sometimes posi-
tive reactions in disguise. Depends upon

point of view." Crockett said. "Natural
cycle onc of repair and destruction. Each
at its own time in its own place. Mustirt
lose sight.”

“No.” sud Mannichon humbly, deter-
mined not to lose sight.

Commercially,” Crockett said. "Look
at DDT. Myxomatosis. Invaluable in
Australia, Overrun by rabbits. 1 didn't
like that goldfish, though."

They had borrowed a goldfish off the

inedia dente ams P

Þe desk of а receptionist and а “Oh, I throw Paulson a bone fro aight. а woman like that will be
e hd put it pure Floxo time to time,” Crockett sail. "A low ting for me ar а bar, He shivered
the Mannichon solution. It couldnt be temperature treatment for polyesters, a deliciously.
BM said that the goldfish had seemed to en- crystallization process for storir On the way to the laboratory. they
pe јоу the Floxo—it hud stood on its head gatelles Tike that. Paulson bought a goldfish for the receptionisi
@ it the bottom of the pan and shuddered — slobbers in gratitude, But for anything They had promised to bring her fish
every 36 seconds—bi Afer big, man. you don't think I go voting back, She was attached to it, she said
= 20 seconds in the Ma up to the front office ing my tail mp
Pe had expired. It was in the refrigerator like a bird dog with a quail in its jaws. "Intere ч йй
ith the I8 mice, Christ man. where've you been? Мап, 1 bad Bed quickly
tt repeated, “I didn't like have four patents in a compar ioni notat. add, ken] a
Not at all.” for the hardening of оа п alee tay бы:
y sat in silence, regretting the Germany alone. And as for low-gr: hey were in. Малака
goldfish. bauxite. .. ab. Crockett. was sure that his roo and

Recapitulation.” Crockett said. “We “You don't have to go into detail" Tageka Куйз were bugged and that
in possession of formule with unusual — Mannichon said, not wishing to seem іп- Paulson ran the tapes every night. They
alities. Breaks down tensile balance of — quisitive. He was beginning to under. all that nobody would bother
otherwise cohesive liquid molecules at stand where the Lancias and Corvettes bugg шы. andr байны жг
normal temperatures. Laughably cheap and Mercedes in the laboratory parking they could speak freely, although in
ral traces in minute lot came from. low
"posible to identify. — "Well set up a company in Guer

Highly toxic то «спай. specific organ Crockcu sid. "You and L and
isms. benevolent to others. 1 don't know whoever else we need. Fm well. placed in
how—yer—but somewhere h there's Gue d the bastards speak Eng. Fı
a dollar to be made, I have а hunch... lish. And for any subcompanies that pacco mosaic. “Th
а hund There may be a place we come along. we сан use my аши in ever is a an. АШ part

He stopped. almost as if he Ischia." lly and 1 have exclusive rights to

ed voices.

ncisco

wust Mannichon with his Do vou think we'll imwbodv Guatemala and Сома Ris
“Yellow, yellow, yellow. What — else Mannichon ону. In. Kyh." Crockett protested.
the hell is yellow that we are overrun the space of ten minutes. he had ac “LT have с п connection

with. like rabbits in Austral quired the first healthy instinct of
swer that question. we can clean up." дайм, not to share wealth unnecessarily
Well.” said. Mamnichon, ^I suppose Im afraid so." docket, brood
we would be in for a raise at the end of ing. “We'll need a doia 10 he Nobel Prie linn Сумен.
the year hom Mr, Paulson. At least a to tell us and had com]
bonus at Christmas.” tion Tinks up with the nuclear nenei nd Zunch.
"A bonus?" Crocket’s voice rose for whatever cells it has an Tageka Kyh offhandedly slipped the
the firs time. “A raise? Are you mad, how it penetrates the thay of dead micé ойс of the reftigerdtor
need a crackerjack biochemist. And an ды ldfisi on a Bar alumi-
Well my contract says that every- expert fieldworker to examine how the
g 1 develop is the property of Vogel- product behaves in a free environment
. In exchange for- Doesn't This is big. man. No use wasting time on
contract read the same? bums. And then, of course, the angel.”
пе you, man?" Crockett asked he angel?” Maunichon was at sea. —the mice, 1 mean——" He was swe
Up to the ion hadn't seemed to be ing now, and nor pleasurably. "What I
an integral part of the opera vying to sty is that up to now, at |.
we had to get out "The moneybags" Crockett said im. the... uh... the solution. > - ^ Later.
to talk?" Crockeu patiently. “АП this is going to cost he would be able to say the Mannichon
packet. We can use the labor solution without blushing, but he wasn't

lool Jor of things. but finally, we hi up to that yet. “That is^ he went on.
the three wives up on ош stuttering, “the solution so far has be

P a ê
in miniskirts, “I suppose this atmosphere ‘OF course isms w

l h to con
L “Take it or leave
Crockett said.

bbe:
Куй sa

nies d

Mannichon said. A
ht had just occurred to him. “I
don't like to interfere. but they're yellow

ustedly
Baptist" Man

“Now you see why
of the laboratoi

ad — Mannich
ad ar the bar and.

ето set

toxic only to... uh org

annichon said, his vo-

т : minant, as it were, pigment, in a man
is колег than — cabulary as well as his vi red. аа ДД
'Cozier!" Crockett said. Then he used. 1, the pathok Crockett [рине

a rude w

Ч. “Dont you have a “The best mar
company. man?” the shop. Good old Ta

"^ company?” Mannichon said, puz Mannichon nodded. у
лей. “What would 1 do with a company? — been top man in his year at Kyoto amd Sine ti
1 make seventy-cight hundred dollars a then top man at Berkeley. He drove a qus
Jaguar XKE. a Kyh had spoken mered, ж

are you vy!

Kyh

g 10 sry. ра
said, wintry Te
1 one and the

nd pr

ichon stam-
y he had started this, "well.
there might be certain dangers. Rubber
gloves. аг the very least. Complete. asep
sis, il 1 might presume t advise. Fm the
last man in the world to dwell on radial
Crockett said, “Let's go сш С. иһ... churaceristics, but Fd feel
he goes home. No sense in guilty if anything . . . well, you know, il
aunt with a legal nee in Ischia. Do wasting He left a ten-dollar bill on happened,

1 have a сощ the table and Mannichon followed him “Don't you wort
"At your ag toward the door, feeling the attractive. low brothe Kyh said

ingly. “Ar the age of nes of wealth. He passed the three evenly. He went out ng the way

116 three months. But wh: wives at the bar. One day soon, he (continued on page 122)

1 child psychiatrists
Do you have a compa had said, "ls this seat
our, five. Ма Crockett chon had said. "No." He rei
L "Who keeps mack? One im Liech- exchang
tenstein, two in the Bahamas, ome in
the name of a divorced nymphomaniac

Napoleon made love with a zest
That gave his amours litle rest

F ; But he said to his queen,
у i "lit niit, Josephine;
E fie got my hard stock in my vest.”

BODIE! POLITIC

pictorial By EUGENIO HIRSCH a flock of female
forms fashioned into famous and infamous heads of state

A titular head is De Gaulle.
Mes Galic and also has gall.
From Vietnam ta (ueber,
He sticks ои his neck,
And delights in the subsequent squall!

Farouk, a Ming of фей wealth,

Through lechery ruined his health.
With women he frequently
ШАШЫ

Made quite an ass ol himsel

The ltalian, despite all calamity,

| Ae a people of brilliance and amity.
So this counterfeit Caesar
They put in the freeze,

| Restoring ther county 1 sanity

119

Stalin neans steel
Aad Jo's foes e
But not muc
About Stalin

in the

is sil
in bet,

109180,

ceived quie а (ПБЇШ;

Though ifs rumored His style was percussion.

In the

The gil
fn
W
ls file

120

Р
АШ
y ils ı0
ih а lv
wih

public night now,
e boring, and how!
fun in bed

ir whose head

¢ mains of Man

PLAYBOY

122

solution

ad the aluminum shovel debonairly,
like an old judo trophy.
‘Grasping bastard,” Crockett said bit

thologist. “Exclusive rights to Gi
and Сома Rica. The Rising Sun. March
into Manchuria. Just like the last time.”

As he drove home, Mannichon had
the impression that, Crockett and Tageka
Kyh, though confronted with the same
data as himself, somehow were leaping
to conclusions still very much hidden
from him, That's why they drive Lancias
1 Ja he thought.

‘The telephone rang at three in the
Mrs. Mannichon groaned as
chon reached blearily over her to
pick it up. She didn't like him to touch
he

without warning.
xkett. here,”

id the voice on the
phone. "I'm at Tageka's. Get over here."
He barked out the address. “Pronto.”

Mannichon hung up and staggered
ош of bed and started to dress. He had
heartburn from the alexander.

“Where going?” Mrs. Mannichon said,

| а nonmelony voice.

"Conference."

“At rce in the morning.” She didn't
open her eyes, but her mouth certainly
moved.

“I haven't looked at the time,” Man
chon said, thinking, Not for long, oh.
Lord, not for long.

“Good night, Romeo,” Mrs.
chon said, her сус» still closed.

“That was Samuel Crockett" Manni
aid. fumbling with his pants
ag" Mrs Mannichon sai
ways knew i
"Now, Lulu, . .

Manni

” Alter all, Crockett

Bring home some LSD,” Mrs. Manni
chon said, falling asleep.

Now, that was а funny thing for her to
say, Mannichon thought, as he softly

closed the door of the split-level behind
him. so as not to awaken the children.
Both of the children had a deeply rooted
fear

of sudden noises, the child

d told. him.

psy

Tageka Kyh lived downtown in the
penthouse apartment of a 13-5

. Mis Jaguar was parked
Crockew's Lancia. Mannichon,
the Pl

parked
uth behind his parmers’ cars,
thinking, Maybe a Ferrari.

Mannichon had to admit to himself
1 he surprised when he was let
o the apartment by a Negro butler in
a yellow striped. vest and immaculate
white shirt sleeves with large рой cuff
links. Mannichon had expected
modern decor, perha Japanese
touch—bamboo mats, ebony headrests,
washy prints of rainy bridges on the
walls. But it 1 done in pure Cape

severe

(continued [rom

e 116)

Cod —chintz, cobbler's benches, captain's
chairs, scrubbed pine tables, lamps made
out of ships binnacles. Poor man, Ма
nichon thought, he is uying to
late.

Crockett was waiting in the
room, drinking beer and standing lool
ing at a fullrigged dipper ship in a
bottle on the mantel.

Hi?" Crockett said.
wip?

"Well" Mannichon said, rubbing at
his red eyes behind his glasses, "I must

liv

“Have à пісе

confess Pm not completely on the qui
vive. I'm used to eight hours sleep
шр

"Got to learn to cut it down," Crockett
said, “I do on two” He drank some beer.
Good old Tageka'll be ready for us any
minute. Нез in his Jab.”

A door opened and a lascivious
tight silk offmauye pants came in with
some more beer and a plate of chocol
marshmallow cookies. She smiled lasciv-
iously at Mannichon as she offered him.

the tray. He took a Бе
for her sake.
"His" Crockett. said.
You bet,
Oh,

id the ¢
to be a Japanese pathologist,
ichon thought.
A buzzer rang dimly. “Captain Ahab,
the girl. “He's ready for you. You
know the way, Sammy."
This way, Flox,” Crockett said, start-
ing out of the room.
immy?" the girl asked.
Crockett tossed. her a sugar cube. She
was lying down, with her oll-mauve legs
high over the back of a tenfootlong
dint couch and nibbling on the sugar
with small white teeth before they were
ош of the room.

тарска Kyh's laboratory was bigger
and more elaborately equipped than any
at Vogel Paulson. There was a large ope
ble that could be rotated to any
position, powerful lamps on pulleys and
swivels, ba cases, ste
Насту, refrige h glass doors,
gigantic X-ray machine, stunlesssteel
sinks and tables "s strobo-
the lot.
ichon said, s

in
a said. He was dressed
pron and he
off a surgeon's mask and cap. Under his
apron, Mannichon could see the rolled-
up ends of blue jeans and high-heeled,
silver-worked cowboy boots. "Well
geka said, “T ing away at our
problem." He poured himsell a tumbler
of. California sherry from a gallon jug in
a corner and drank thirstiy. "Гус dis
sected the eighteen mice. Yellow.” |
smiled at Mannichon with a gleam of
murai tecth. "I've looked at the slides.
It’s too carly to say anything definite yet,

м,

said

ading at

the door.
“Ford,”

Ш 1 can offer is an educated
you've hit

Mannichon;
guess, but
ind-new.

on something

Mannichon sai

1 eagerly
“What is it?’

Tageka Kyh and Crockeu exchanged
significant glances, the born big-leaguers
noting with pity amd undersuinding the
rane of the born bush leaguer imo
the locker room. “Im not quite sure yet,
pardner" Tageka Kyh said gently. “MI
Tm sure of is that whatever it is, it’s
new. And we live in an age in which
being new is enough. Remember Man
"Tan, remember the hula hoop. remem

ber No-Gal, remember the stereoscope
glasses for threedimensional films. For-
tunes were made. In the space of
hon began to pant. Ta

Under it he was

shirt. “My prelimi

ary conclusions," he said briskly. "A

nontoxic substance, to be designated, for
the sake of convenience, as Floxo, com.
bined with another known nontoxic
substance, dioxotetramerephenolerrogen:
14, shows a demonstrable swift affinity
for the pigment material of eighteen
yellowish mice and one goldfish——"

“Nineteen,” Mamnichon said, remem:
bering the first yellow mouse he had
thrown into the tor.

"Eighucen,” Tageka said. "| do moi
work on hearsay.”
"m sorry,” said М

"Examination of cells,” Tageka we
on, "and other organs leads to the ob
servation that in a manner as yet un-
discovered, the solution unites with the
pigmental шашат in the cells, whose
chemical formula 1 shall not at this mo
ment trouble you with, to produce a new
compound, formula to be ascertained.
that attacks, with great speed and v
the sympathetic nervous system,

10 almost immediate nonfunc-
of that system and subsequent
hing. movement and
He poured himself another
Why are your eyes

inichon.

tioning
stoppage of bre;

heartbeat
tumbler of sherry.
so red, радва?
“Well, Fm used to eight hours of sleep
a night and" Mannichon said.
"Learn to cut down,” Tageka said. "1
do on on
"Yes, sir" М
“What practi

michon said.
al use cin Бе made ol
this interesting relationship between. our
solution and certain organic pigments is
not within my province," Tageka said
"Um merely a pathologist. But T am su

а bright young man can come up with a
suggestion. Nothing is useless in the
halls of science. After all, the Curies dis
covered the properties of radium be

cause a key left overnight in a darkened
ith a lump of refined pitchblende
After

room
lowed its photograph to be taken.
all, nobody is much. interested i

(continued on page 282

fiction By P. G. WODEHOUSE

WHEN LANCELOT BINGLEY, the ris
artist, became engaged to Gladys Wether.
by, the poewss, he naturally felt that
this was a good thing and one that
should be pushed along. The sooner the
wedding took place, in his opinion, the
better it would be. He broached the sub-
ject to her as they sat dining at the
Crushed Pansy. the restaurant with a
soul.

“What 1 would suggest,” he said, "if

g young

n
0

ҺЕ

you haven't anything particular on next
week, is that we should toddle around to
the registrar's and have him do his stuff.
They tell me these registrar fellows make
а very quick job of it The whole
wouldn't take more than ten minutes or
so and it would be off our minds and
there we would be, if you sce what I
mean.”

A look of pain came into Glad

“I'm afraid it's not so simple

“What's your problem?”

I was thinking of Uncle Francis."

* face.
s that."

R the knowledge that his betrothed’s blustery old uncle would
never tolerate tobacco might have crushed a weaker
man, but not brave lancelot—he was merely cowed

апсїз?'"

"Whose Uncle

"My Uncle Francis."

“I didn't know you had an Uncle
Francis."

“I've had him for years. He was my
mothers brother. Colonel Pashley-
Drake. Have you ever heard of him?
He's retired. now, but he used to be a
famous big-game hunter."

“And how does he get into the act?”

“My mother always looked up to him
very much, and when she died, she left
him a chunk of money that he was to

123

PLAYBOY

124

hand over to me when | married,”
“L sec no objection to that.”
“Bur only if he approved of the man I
arying. And he won't approve of
misc"

was
my marrying an

“Why not?" said Lancelot a Title

sily. "Artists are also Cod's creatures.”

“He thinks they spend all their time
g orgies in studios."

“Ridiculous.”
эг

sitting оп

теор:
So you think he won't give you your
money?

st it.
thou it, I've plenty,”

than most artists in having а nice pi
income.

sladys shook her head.
No,” she said. “I need
and | won't marry without it. I'm not
to be one of those pauper wives
who have to come and plead brokenly
with their husbands every time they
t the price of a new hat. My pride
forbids it.”

And though Li

acelot argued clo-
quently with her all through the poulet
10 au cresson course and later during
the afterdinner coffee, she was not to һе
moved her decision, It was a
gloomy young brush-and-easel man who
saw her home to her residence in Gar-
bidge Mews, Fulham, ad then went off
tered in a series of pubs.
Ў sking himself, would the
harvest be and where did he go from
here

His hangover on the following day
precluded all thought of anything except
bicarbonate of soda; but after that,
guish and despair took over and he
brooding in his studio, listless and.
capable of work. If а nude princess had
looked in, wanting her portrait painted,
he would have had her out of it in under
ten seconds. АП he could do in the way
of alleviating the agony that seared hi

from

soul was to play the accordion, always
his solace in times of stress; and he had
worked his way through Over the Rain-
bow and was preparing to tackle OF
Man River when the door flew open and
Gladys bounded in, her manner an
ad her eyes shining, it seemed to
him from a quick glance, like twin stars.

“Put away that stomach Steinway, my
charming," sh d liste
10 me, for | bring news that will make
you go dancing about London like a
nauteh girl. Гуе just had a letter from
Unde Franci

Lancelot was unable to see why this
should be considered a cause for rejoic
ins.

“So what?” he said.

“He's asked me to find him
int his portrait, to be pre

Prince

n artist to
ented to the

Explorers €

You get the job. Don't
ou see what this means? You'll be clos
d with him day after day; and if you
n't fascinate him under those condi
tions, you're not the king among men
I've always thought you, By the end of
а couple of weeks, I confidently expect
you so to have wrought upon him that
he can deny you nothing. You then tell
m we're going to be married and he
gives you his blessing and reaches for
the fountain pen and checkbook. Any
questions?

None. | like the setup."
1 thought you would.
"Ies the most wonderful-

— Oh, my

A thought «clot
As an artist, he belonged to the ultra
modern school, expressing himself most

readily in pictures showing a sardine
can, two empty beer bottles, a bunch of
carrots and a dead cat, with a large eye

gleaming somewhere in the background,
the whole intended to represent Paris in
springtime. He doubted his capacity to
work in another vein

“Would [ be any good at a portrait?"

"Good enough for а gaggle of ех
plorers. АП explorers have weak eyes
through staring at the sunrise on the
lower Zambezi, They won't notice а
thing.”
"Well, if you say so. Then wl
drillz

“Uncle Francis has a house at. Bitile-
ton down in Sussex. You go there t
row, complete with brush and paints. I'll
phone him to be expecting you."

Another thought occurred to
1 suppose I'm in for a thin time as
ds meals. Don't big-game hunters
ive on pemmican and native maize and
that sort of thing
Unde Francis doesn't.

's the

neelot.

He has the

most sensational cook. Every dish a
poem."

“That sounds all right,” said Lancelot,
brightening. Being t, he

iade do of an evei

g with the k
end of a ham or something out of a can;
but he was by no means incapable of ap-
preciating good cooking and had often
Wished that the poulet roti au стемот at
the Crushed Pansy had been a bit better
rêli. “I go tomorrow, you say?”

"Better, perhaps, the day after tomor-
row. That'll give you time to mug up
Uncle Francis’ book, My Life with Rod
and Gun, so that you can draw him out
‚ zebus and moun-
ıd the other things he used

in goats

Yes, that's life,” Gladys agreed. “And

the best offer 1 got from a secondhand
bookshop was threepence, so the volum
is still in my possession, You can come
and fetch it this afternoon.
“And I leave the day after tomorrow
"That's right. ГИ come and see you oll
at the station

As Lancelot sat in his compartment at
the appointed time w for the пай

lor Bittleton to start

Sst

and gang at
Gladys, who w g on the plat
form, he was thinking how much he
loved her and what а dreadful thought it
was that they were to be separated like
this. He wasto learn that there were other
dreadful thoughts going around. She
now gave utterance to one of them

"Oh, by the way, captain of my sou
she said, "there's one other t
most forgot to tell you. Un is
Фу opposed to smoking, so you'll
have to knock it off for the duration

A strong shudder shook Lancelot. He
vas a heavy smoker, in spite of having
two aunts who belonged to the

ara

tobacco League and kept sending him
pamphlets showing what the practice
does to those who indulge in it. His jaw

fell a couple of notches.
“Knock olf smoki
weeks? 1 couldn't.
"You'd better, or—
“Or whaw”
“Else,”
moved off.
It was one of those trains that
not become attuned to the modern spirit
of speed and hustle, and as it sauntered
through the sunlit countryside. Lancelot

For weeks and

said Gladys, and the tr

des
parting words e
them. And the more he wei nd ex-
amined. the less he liked the sound of

them. Nor is this surpri:
probably no words in the
a lover more dislikes to he:

ng. There are

guage 1
r on the lips
of his loved one than those words "or
else.” They have a sinister ring calcu
lated to chill the hardiest

He mused. One cannot say that he
was standing at a man's crossroads, for
he was sit
that he was confronted with
serious decision. of
the one hand, he obe
refrained from smokir

the ends and the soft-
ly bird tucking into
its worm outside his window would send
him shooting to the ceiling, as if some
fun-loving practical joker had exploded а
bomb beneath his bed. He had once
knocked off smoking for two or three

days and he knew what it was like
I, however, on the other hand, he
took a strong line and refused to keep
(continued on page DS)

| : RIO potables and fran
S MA
OMA
TH
/ ve J

dia is
a festive in
iday dinner Party : fe
holiday apping са а foots п,
T но аве ACH
2 ташон. roast g
ооуез:
ti
E
2 go ncha!
1d ч
о!

ү, a
Tegular]y e,
ska)

aud (text
а нау); Piquant Yellow Ck
0k Sake lap Уап rich Raki
st DRM. k Sake (Japan);
) pe ic Pin
; exoti

т (Yy, e
i Milk Pune asi avia),

eft to

d nega актанд;
vil

key),

PHOTOGRAPHY BY

UN valli

A VN
POS. а N

ALEXAS URBA

yest anchov know that at this
of the year the world is, indeed,
oyster.

A menu of many lands doesn't have to
be stretched, like the Japanese New
Year. into a full. month. But it's tremen-
dous fun. especially at the holidays, to
sketch out a party tl allows Turkish
Ki ıo be sipped before the Chinese
winter melon soup and Thai shrimp
dumplings to appear on the same table
with Brazilian mousse of avocados, And
it certainly makes for unusual end-of
the-year festivities to have both your
decor and your food and drink reflect the
гог of foreign lands.

A host with an eye for exotic cuisines
will naturally call the play on dishes best
suited to his own revels. There's a Bed-
ouin feast in which a whole camel is
slowly roasted after having been stuffed
with a sheep, which in tum was
stuffed with chickens, stuffed with fish,
fed with eges А moral goes along
ith the roast camel: Bigness isn't
necessarily sumptuousness. An B0-pound
steamship roast is big enough. Bur the
much smaller roast shell of prime beef,
cut into slices for Danish open beel
sandwiches, garnished with cold Béar-
dilled cucumbers and onioi
in red wine is sheer holiday bliss. Evci
thing good abou the Danes—their
straightforwardness, their impressive sim.
plicity of taste, their imagination, thei
rich hospitality—seems to go into their
modestlooking but magnificent. smøre-

Port

PLAYBOY

brad.
Gourmetsatlarge soon learn that the
best of foreign cuisines continuously

overlap and borrow from one
and meld into new delightful forms. The
Greeks claim not only to have invented
the chefs tall white hat but to have dis-
covered white sauce and brown sauce
and to have taught the Romans how to
cook peacocks, crabs and cranes. It may
all be true, but the thing that they didn’t

but of which they are now formi-
Je masters is the le
style of cooking soups
avgolemono, а ст

nother

lemon juice and
day diversion for

gg yolks, is
mericm hosts. Th
land offers small shrimp dumplings made
of ground raw shrimp. which seem lil
first cousins of the Chinese sh
But the Thais have
with spices,
the Thai version is flavored with а spe
cies of hot peppers that they affection
ately call “tiny torpedoes.” Along with
pickled ginger. the peppers. produce an
incendiary effect on the palate. In Ameri-

сап hands, the delicate shrimp
dumplings are covered with
sauce that. proc

bright
One of the coziest of all soups confect
ed by the Chinese is thei з melon
soup. Winter melon isa fruit eaten like a

128 Vegetable, available both

and

summer

Ar оч us tables in this
country, the soup is sometimes served
from the whole melon steamed until

der—a long. rather cl
у. the best version
ive опе, in which the та is
cut into small pieces and cooked quickly,
so that the melon emerges both crisp and
tender. Obviously, one needn't acquire a
| visa to Chi ke winter
nese food
store, you'll have no difficulty in scooping
up a wedge of the Large winter melon. И
there are no Chinatowns nearby, the
firm Spanish melo:
good pinch hitter,
While the French
ights to the word c
found all over Europe, One of the
most succulent versions
cheesestulled. crispellini
the town of Ravello off
France, of course, has culinary outposts
tout le monde. 105 not startling. there-
fore, to find feathery, butterrich French
broches in Quebec, Haiti and Marti-
nique. Brioches, in the. Caribbean, are
happily crossbred with orange and rum
favors into a cherubic holiday dessert.
There are some fresh foreign «

when in season, is

ies

sations. The canned Brazilian heart of
palm is just about the most perfect salad

gredient we agine for indulging
holiday fancy. Brazili

one’s
avocado mousse in which the hi
palm appears is another dish that c
fiery with pepper or as affably mild as

you like to suit your own commensal
ste.
АП feasts, whether domestic or for-

eign, should be feastlike. And the frst
ch the eye as well as the

to
palate on a holiday bullet
seneroussize hors d'oeuvre dish with the
immense booty from overseas. Hot hors
ures should be kept hot over a
or on a hot
their acme ol
at room temperature; everything else
should be nipping cold. A holiday hors
d'oeuvre line-up should include caviar—
the fresh Iranian, if possible, Among th.
multitudinous forms in which pûlê de
foie gras is offered, we like the mousse of
Joie gras that is easily м h a sharp
knife dipped in hot water, and the cemer
of which is bejeweled with a row of
black truffles. The midget kalian mush-
rooms im oil, Scandinavian herring i
succulent wine suces. paperihin West
n ham, quail eggs from Japan.
tal cheeses, in
adyto-cat fo
all of these require only ами
rough so many jars, bottles. cans and
packages

is to fill a

dor
chafingdish Ila
cheeses reach

tray;

сей wi

bibbers in the habit
иһ night with the

Unreconstructe
of settling do

me okl bottles of whiske ly
they've leaned upo should
be reminded at the yuletide of the Greek

god who started it
Die sus’ mentor

wise Silci
sober,
grapes

II—Dionysus. Young
was the cheerful. and
who, although seldom
ht Dionysus how то cultiv
and to convert their rich juice

поте impor he
the endi
travel—the glory of spread п
of the vine, in its many forms, through
out the known world. In a sense, 1
the world’s first and certainly its most
distinguished traveling liquor agem
те were those who challenged Dio

ysus, like the Tyrrhenian pirates wh
seemed to have been naively unmind
ful of the power of the grape. They t
him to their mast, only to find the knots
suddenly untied, a huge vine wrapped
round the mast, clusters of grapes
hanging from the sails and the whole sca
around them suddenly changed into

caret. The piratical cew jumped. imo
the sca and were immediately turned
imo lusty dolphins. Restless Dio

spread his philosophy in Phrygi
Dionysian rites became a yearly drinki
festival. He took the good word to Syr
Later he fought the Amazons. That he
didn’t subduc them through the device
of a simple cocktail party seems 10 have
been a tactical error. With a tiger in his
-we're told he
of the tiger given to him by Zeus
naveled to India. returned via Egypt
and Libya and fm dow
mong the
honor Dionysus
the Greeks € gly call their
we offer an inter
menu as well as drinks made up of
the potables of other peoples. АН food
recipes serve eight.

йу seuled
Olympus. To
ad the pleasures of

WINTER MELON SOUP

2 large Ы,
4 large fresh. mushrooms

1 single breast chicken, raw
Li

k dried mushrooms

water chestnuts, Fresh if possibl
quarts chicken stock
Goz, can lotus roots, dr
3 cups Chinese winter
cubes
Salt, pepper. monosodium glutamate
Souk black mushrooms in warm water
for 1 hour. Drain amd cut ir a sliv
ers, Cut Fresh mushrooms into thin slivers,

o thi

Remove skin and bones [rom chicken
nd cut ine Yeinethick cubes, Ре!
water chestnuts, if fresh, and ан ini
thin slices. Bring stock to a boil. (И stock

seems watery. add instant. bouillon pow
der to taste.) Add mushrooms. chicken.
water chestnuts and lotus roots. Simmer
10 m tes. Add winter melon and sim

mer 5 minutes. Season 10 taste with salt,
(continued on page 264)

ART NOUVEAU BROTICA

victorianism's overt prudery bred a covert and perverse preoccupa-
tion with sex that gave birth to a genre of voluptuous sensuality

129

к. ABE SSSR CUR E
Norman Lindsay's “The Mirror" (on the opening page of this portfolio), ‘Julia's Monkey" (bottom,
opposite page) and “She Arrives” (above) proceed from stylized realism through fantasy to full-blown
grotesquerie. Lindsay—-who was born in 1879-—began to draw јот a Melbourne newspaper at 16. For
many years, he was chief cartoonist for the “Sydney Bulletin,” his country's leading literary magazine.
Among the many Lindsay-illustrated works are lavish editions of Theocritus, Boccaccio and Casanova,
as well as his oun novel, “The Cautious Amorist.” The small Beardsley drawing at the top of the
opposite page is “Bathyllus Swan Dance,” an illustration for Juvenal’s “Lucian’s True History."

131

LYSISTRATA,

Languorous femininity suffuses Beardsley's frontispiece for “* Lysistrata” (above),
and “‘Fishblood” (below), by Gustav Klimt, master of Viennese art nouveau.

na GRE ка Tne Ring? (above amd] шол] с below lave more лес
realistic than the Beardsley and Klimt works opposite, but equally infused with art nouveau grace.

133

134

АЛШЫ Stel чы КЎ... ا ر‎ ао
The last Victorians—4vhether in Europe at the turn of the
century от in Australia two decades later— parodied their
fathers’ hypocritical idealization of women by surround-
ing them with perfervid exotica, as in Lindsay's “The
Sortie” (above). It was to such drawings that Julian Ashton
referred in a 1919 review of Australian art: “That re-
markable genius, Norman Lindsay, now burst upon us
with a series of pen-and-ink drawings, which... would
have stirred fresh life and interest in the most bored of
exhibitiongoers. These drawings whipped the smooth con-
ventions of society until Lindsay was fairly encompassed by
furious and acrid criticism." Franz Christophe's illustra-
tion (left) for the 1907 “The Blooming Gardens of the
Orient” also revels in convention-flouting subject matter.

135

126

see v Радлов. бу.

The rare combination of antiwar sentiment and ribald comedy developed in Aristophanes"
“Lysistrata” —she forces peace between the men of Athens and Sparta by cajoling their women
into a sex strike has held audiences for 2400 years. On these two pages, Beardsley and
Lindsay portray the scene in which Lysistrata proposes her scheme. In the Beardsley drawing
(above), the ladies show distress at the thought that to deny the men they must deny themselves,
too, whilst Lindsay captures Lysistrata’s delight at the “armaments” of one of her warriors.

HS
Dr

day
i

PLAYBOY

138 “n

A GOOD CIGAR IS A SMOKE

ay from the box of 50 excelle
that he had brought with him, there
would, he knew, be for him no wedding
bells or whatever registrars substitute for
them. Gladys was, as near as made no
uer, an angel shape, but she
was indined to be imperious and of a
uend of to resent anything in the
nature of what might be called ranny;
zoo. And that she would class as ranny-
gazoo a deliberate flouting of her orders
was sickeningly clear to him. She would
return the ring, his leuers and what was
left of the boule of scent he had given
her on her birthday within minutes of
learning of his disobedience.

Two lines of an old poem fined into
his mind. "A woman is only а woman,
the bard had said, “but a good cigar is a
smoke"; and for one awful moment, he
found himself agreeing with him, Then
he was strong again; and it was with the
resolve that at all costs he must retai
her love that he alighted at Bitleton Ste-
tion and a short time later was meeting
the man whose rugged features he was
about to record on cam

They were fears, particularly the
two chins, of an undisguised opulence
Colonel Pashley-Drake was a stout man.
Indeed, the thought fished through
Lancelor’s mind that if he did nor sub-
ject himself to a rigorous system of diet,
he would shortly burst. He knew from
reading his book that the colonel, when
hunting big game, had frequently hid-
den behind a tree. To conceal him in
this, the evening of his life, only a
sequoia would have served. And when
later they sat together at the dinner
ple, Lancelot got an inkling as to how
this obesity had come about.

The dinner was a long one amd in
every respect superb. It plain to
Lancelot from the first spoonful of soup
that here, as Gladys had stated. was a
cook in a thousand. He mentioned this
10 his host, and the latter, a look of holy
ecstasy in his eye, agreed that Mis. Pot-
ter—for such was the gifted woman's
mame—was at the very head of her
profession. After that, he did not speak
very much, being otherwise occupied.
coffee after the meal was served
study or library, a small room tastefully
decorated with the heads of various
fauna that had had the misfortune to
encounter the colonel when he was out
with his gu
he

n hun

am afraid 1 cannot olfer you a
Ggar.” he said, and Lancelot waved а
deprecating hand.

Tad you done so, 1 should have been
obliged to refuse it, with thanks, of
course, for the kind thought. 1 do not
ke. Smoki clot, remem-

(continued [rom paye 124)

phlet sent to him by one of
"cauxs nervous dyspepsia,
sleeplessness, headache, weak eyes. asth-
ma, bronchitis, neurasthenia. rheuma-
tism, lumbago, sciatica, loss of memory,
impaired will power, lack of am
red spots on the skin and falling out of
hair. I wouldn't smoke so much as a ciga
теце to please а dying grandfather. My
friends often rally me on what they con.
sider my finicky objection to having red

spots on the skin, but I remain firm.”

You a ble,” said Colonel
Pashley-Dra ch enthusiasm
that Lancelot felt that the task of fasci

nating him would prove even easier than
dys had predicied. He looked for
ward with bright confidence to the m
ment—at mo distant date—when he
would have the old buster rolling on the
floor with his paws in the air like a
tickled dachshund.

The love feast became intensified as
the time went on. The colonel expressed
himself delighted that Lancelot had r
and enjoyed his little book and spoke
Huently and well ow the subject of tigers
he had met and what to do when con
fromed with a charging rhinoceros. to-
gether with many an anecdote about the
selected portions of gnus, giraffes and
the like that ornamented the walls. At
long last, he stifled а yawn and said he
thought he would be retiring lor the

ight, and they parted in an atmosphere
of the utmost cordiality.

The dinner, as has been said, had
been a long and heavy one, and it and

the session in the study after it had left
Lancelot with a sense of repletion that
only fresh air could relieve; and before
going to bed, he feh il
do was to take a half-hour stroll in
rden. He proceeded to do so; but what
with the beauty of the and the
of long, loving thoughts of
dys Wetherby, he exceeded that. time
by a considerable margin, Bt was some
two hours later when he felt that he
ought to be turning in and he made his
way back to the house—only 10 discover
when he reached it that in his absence
some hidden hand had locked the front
door.

It was a blow that might have crushed
a weaker man, but all artists are re-
sourceful and the idea of trying the b
door occurred to him almost
ly. He found that, too, securely
and it became evident that unless he was
prepared to pass the remainder of the

night in the open, it would be necessary
for him to break a window. This, as
selesly as possible, he did and.

climbing through, found himself in what
from the smell of it he took to be the
Kitchen, And he was about to grope his
way through the darkness in the hope of

ling the door whe
sh, guttural voice th
ally on his sensitiv
most musical voice speaking at that
moment would equally have given him
the illusion that the top of his head had.
parted from its moorings.

“Who are you?" it said.

Suavity, Lancelot saw, was what he
must strive for.

a voice spoke,
at jarred unpleas
though the

“It’s quite all right,” he said obse-
quiously. “1 was locked out.

“Who are you?”

“My name is Lancelot 1 am

ng in the house. I am an artist. 1 an
to paint Colonel Pashley-Drake’s
portrait. 1 would not advise waking him
now, | you inquire of him in the
morning, he will endorse.

“Who are you

Annoyance began 10 compete with
Lancelor's embarrassment. If voices asked
you questions, he felt, they might at
Teast take the trouble to listen to you
when you answered them.

“L have already informed you in a per
fectly frank manner" he began rather
мау, “that my name is Lancelot Bing.

said the voice, changing

the subject

Lancclors teeth came together with
sharp dick. Few things are more morti
ng to a proud man than that he has
been wasting his time being respectful to
a parrot, and he burned with resentment
nd pique. Ignoring the bird's suggestion
—in the circumstances, illtimed and
lacking in taste—that he should scratch
its head, he continued groping for the
door and eventually found it.

After that, everything wa зріє
Bounding silently up the stairs, he flung
open the door of his room and, not both
cring to switch on the light, flung hi
self on the bed. Or, rather, not precisely
on the bed bur on some yielding sub-
stance inside it that proved, on investi
gation, to be Colonel Pashley-Drake
Pardonably a little overwrought by his
recent exchange of ideas with the par-
rot, Lancelot had mistaken his host's
room—first on the left along the corridor
—lor his own, which, he now recalled
was the second on the left
cor

The colonel was plainly emotionally
disturbed. He spoke for some moments
what Lancelot thought might possibly
be Swahi

“What the
length, returning t0 his native 19

Inspiration descended on 1
came to ask you about th
1 was wondering if you v it full
th or just head and shoulders,” he
interested to note that his
quivering like some«
of the modern dances.

(continued on page 272)

long the

he inq

an authority on world affairs
expands and explains his recent
proposal for honorable
disengagement in southeast asia

A SINGULAR and well-observed feature
of war is for the view in retrospect to de-
part radically from that which attended
the beginning. Dangers that at the out-
set of hostilities seemed to justify the
most sanguinary steps. in the perspective
of years seem slight, sometimes frivo
lous. And prospects that at the beginning
of conflict seemed easy and brilliant
come to measure only the depth of the
miscalculation. The case of men who in
the past 30 years have planned expedi-
tions against Moscow, Pearl Harbor and
Pusan—not to mention Haifa and
Tel Aviv—sufficiently establishes the
point. At the same time, war turns rea-
son into stereotype. Acceptance of what
in the beginning is an estimate of nation-
al interest becomes an article of fait
test of" constancy, a measure of patriot
ism. At least while it lasts, war has a
way of freezing all participants in their
original error.

"The war in Vietnam, by various calcu-
lations, has now gone on for more than
half a decade and with mounting inten-
sity for three years. It has shown these
classical tendencies. "The march of his-
tory has massively undermined the as-
sumptions that attended and justified our
original involvement. No part of the
original justification—I do not exagger-
ate—remains intact. More remarkable,
perhaps, very few of the assumptions
that supported our involvement are any
longer asserted by those who defend the
conflict. Yet the congealing intellectual
processes of war have worked to the full.
Action that is not defended is still ad-
hered to as a dogged manifestation of
faith.

Let me be fair. Those who are com-
mitted not to support of this venture but
to opposition have also shown a tendency
to become frozen in fixed positions.
For the first time since 1815, we are en-
gaged in a conflict to which a very large
part of the population is opposed. The
unanimity rule that has previously char-
acterized our national conflicts does not
exist. Both those who defend and those
who attack have lost some of their ca-
pacity го accommodate their thoughts to
new evidence,

My purpose in this article is to see if,
however slightly, I can rise above these
rigidities. І do not wish to pretend to
view our situation in Vietnam with any
special insight or wisdom. I would like
merely to inquire how this conflict will
look when minds, those of supporters and
adversarics alike, arc no longer subject to
the congealing influences of war. And I
would like then to propose the course
of action— (continued on page 142)

RESOLVING
OUR VIETNAM
PREDICAMENT

opinion

By JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH

ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT BRUNTON

Variety announced this scoop:
THE BRITISH LAUNCH NEW VOCAL GROUP!
E. Scrooge and Co. are real crowd pleasers:
‘They call themselves the Ebenezers.
There's Jacob Marley's соо! reirains
(He's featured on electric chains)
‘And Tiny Tim is just too much
А teeny bopper blowing crutch
Your Carol now is hiply done
And so. Mod bless us, every one!

We hope that you won't mind us
Deviating from your rule!

The medium here is PLAYROY

And the message— "Happy yule.”

Merry Christmas to your kids:
They're daily debes eu
Mother a keep track of them
jut onl со
Some big clans form pem
But not your famous flock,
As every year you chalk one up.
For Daddy's voting bloc.

You were our Playmate of all months
We worshiped and adored you.

But then came Twiggy on the scene;
Her Cockney chic just floored you.
You dieted and starved yourself;
Our barber cut your hair.

You painted funny lashes on

And leamed a big eyed stare,

You found а special doctor

Who, for 2 mighty fee,

Reduced your perfect figure

To an all-round 23,

Qur big romance is over, kid,

Let none have any doubts.

‘Cause if we wanted boys around,
Ме would have joined the ‘Scouts

سد

MY
ШШ
ШШ}

JERSE IJODNI WAL

missivesand missiles for the jolly season

n others on
"ш Oris ки
Are destined to receive.

This gift that we believe
Mill ht the spot—
Some planted pot.

PLAYBOY

M2 —the docu

VIETNAM PREDICAMENT

ure even to call it the moderate
that emerges from such a view.
nk that in labeling t

ET
solution
Many will th

“moderate solution" | have made an un-

happy choice of words. Modera
these days is not in high repute, The
term itself, in some degree, has come to
imply pompous and comforts

well padded inaction. "Thus,
arouses suspicion. And increasingly, men
are divided between those who want the
catharsis of total violence and those who
want the comforts of total escape. Yet if
ional mood opposes mode
history favors it. It does not vouchsafe us
sharp, well-chiseled solutions. It gives us
blurred. edges and dull lines. Whatever
the ultimate bang or whimper, we can
be sure that in between there will be
only compromises.

Let me begin with the terrible treat
м that history has accorded our
al justification for the Vietnamese
conflict.

We are in Vietnam part
of a long series of seemingly minor steps.
Each of these steps, at the time, seemed
more attractive—les pregnant with do-
mestic political controversy and criticism
—than the alternative, which was to call
firm halt on our involvement. The
aggregate of these individual steps—more
weapons, more advisors, a combat role
for our men. progressive increases in our
troop strength, bon of North Viet-
» a widening choice of tarets—is
ger by far than the sum of the in-
divid
ment on the Asian mainland is not a
development that all who asked or ac
quiesced in the individual actions wished
to sec or even foresaw.

But back of thew individual steps,
nd especially the earlier ones, was а
litical and military justification th

ned compelling. TI
the assumed existence of a united, homo
geneous and militantly evangelical com.
munism that has chosen South Vietnam
as the weak point for a probe. Speaking
to the aal Press Club some six

mnths after he assumed office, Secretary
of State Rusk gave an explicit formula-
of the view of the world crisis in
which Vietnam played a part. He said:

parts. The resulting involve-

see

issue of the crisis is
pounced determination to im-
world of coercion upon those
mor already subject to it . . . it is
posed between the SinoSoviet em

and all the vest, whether allied
dl it is posed on every

was an accepted view at the
time. Few would have thought Mr.
Rusk's formulation other than common-
place. Не thesis

led

e of а centrally contre

(continued [rom page 139)

nd disciplined power guided from Mos
cow—4ozens of times. Implicit therein
pauern of policy and of action.
immediate relevance to

"Thus, to assu unitary and evan-
gelical force was inevitably to uge a
policy of resistance. And resistance would
have to be everywhere on the Communist
perimeter. To allow transgression in one
place would. mosi plausibly, be to
encourage it elsewhere. And here we
have the foundation for the analogy
to Munich that for a long time played
such a dominant role in the Vietnam
discusion. The SinoSoviet power being
imperial and coercive, it was necessary
also to asume that it would never be
welcomed by thos who might be sub
ject to й. И could not reflect national
aspiration: this was a flat contradiction
in terms. Communist power might seek
to exploit social grievance. But this, it
as asumed, would only be a tactic
designed to win subservience to the ulti
mate imperial and conspiratorial pur-
pose. And this being so, no nation
should yield to such tactics, even when
the grievance—as might often happen—
as real. Far better that people stay in a
less enduring state of exploitation than to
pass forever into this allembracing sys
iem of coercion. This meant, further,
that we could not be particular as to
whom we might support: even the most
nauxous non-Communist dictator was
preferable to the enduring Communist
imperialism. And even il the Сопи
nists had seduced a majority of the popu
lation, it was doubtful that we should
yield. Rather, we should try to win them
back. For this, the liberal strategist in
this conflict set great store by ameliora-
tive social action. Conservatives tended to
place rather more. reliance on

Given this view of the world
—and none, I think, will feel it
summary of official attitudes in the
Sixties—our intervention in Vietnam was
Ме. Tt was unfortu-
the govern-
nitment
«d civilized
values, left much to be desired. It was
unfortunate bur not decisive that our
imtervention was by something less than
the popular demand of the people we
aided.

Moreover, we had a right, giv
view of the world, to expect two further
jd vial factors to be associated. with
our involvement. We had a right to
expect that its necessity would be appre
c
people—as ou

ve th:

menis we supported,
to democracy and humane a

ed and supported by the American
economic

and politica

interv i and Greece
and western E wing World
№ s our mili

in 1950 w:

Ыс to ex-
support
auto

supported. And it was rcasoi
pec that the most elective
would come not from those who
ically rally to the Пар when th
sound but from the more introspective,
informed and. deliber
those somewhat ambiguously styled the
intellectuals—who would best appreciate

ppeasement, Such people
had given strong support to the Mar
shall Plan and to the Korean interven
tion. A generation carlier, they had been
in the very forefront of the criticism of
Munich, the agreed symbol of surrender.
So their support could be expected now

Finally, given this view of the world,
there was every reason to expect tha
American initiative іп Vietnam would
be welcomed by the rest of the n
Communist nations. Previous
had attracted such applause. The closer a
nation to the danger. the greater the
prospective applause; for who could tell.
after all, who was the next on the list? So
the United States would both justify and
enhance her claim to moral as well as
economic and military leadership by as
suming a commanding role in combat-
hp the common menace in Indo-China
Merely to state the assumptions tha
lic behind this conflict is to show how
they. and the resulting ex
pectations, have been dissolved. History
тау not vouchsafe us sharp edges, bi
obviously. it can be a very effective blunt
sumptions that lay
Vienam polic
ing the concept of a unitary
embracing Communist impe n wer
not in fact, based on any very close
knowledge of the subject. They were à
formula, in some measure a theology.
adopted by lawyers, businessmen, Gover
ment officials and military men in the
years of the Marshall Plan and NATO.
Few of the authors had any firsthand
knowledge of communism, Few had much
experience of the political left. None
had much experience of Asia. All were
reacting 10 the then-current reality of
Joseph Stalin. To some extent, it was a
way of justifying the alliances, mili
appropriations, economic and
id the proponents thought necessary.
‘There is nothing remarkable in the di»
covery that a doctrine so contrived failed
to stand the test of history. History is re
spectful of truth

un
ist world has gone to

pieces ional lines. The two
great centers, Moscow and Peking, duri
the past years have, on occasion. been
dose 10 diplomatic breach.

?. China. which the proponents of the
Vietnam conllict for a while bravely pic
tured as the deus ex machina, is rent
within itself. Its assumed puppet

teontinued on page 278)

hah Ji Fi
I HA
Ж ЛЛ

Mas onn apTun соп.

comfortable and «ness and appease.
a. Thus, it rightly a aad given strong suppo.
and increasingly, men shall Plan and to the Ko

im these who want the
violence and those who
5 of total escape. Yet if
4 opposes moderation.

tion. A generation earlier. Û
in the very forefront of the
Munich, the agreed symbol
So their support could be c
docs not vouchsafe us ally, given this view
solutions. It gives us ~ was every reason to
“lines. Whatews ~ initiative =

america's leading ufologist — just back from an international
astronomers’ conference behind the iron curtain—warns that a new soviet investigative
approach could cost us the race to solve the flying-saucer riddle

article By J. ALLEN HYNEK “russians sorve vro wvsreRy." For years, 1 have opened The
New York Times with the lear skittering around the back of my mind u 1 might find that
quote. In my occasional dreams, the story under the headline explains that the Russians
have lound some previously unthought-of, unstartling explanation for unidentified flying ob-
jects; or, worse, that they have made first contact with an alien civilization conducting recon-
nce missions to our planet. Either story would shake America so hard that the launching
of Sputnik in 1957 would appear in retrospect as important as a Russian announcement of a
particularly large wheat crop.

The possibility of a Russian breakthrough on the UFO problem is unlikely, if we believe
official Russian statements that the problem docs not exist, At last August's ХШ General
Assembly of the International Astronomical Union in Prague, one of the Russian delegates
answered my query about Soviet UFO study with a derisive laugh and the rather absurd com-
ment, “If flying saucers really exist, why aren't they buzzing over Prague right now?" The
same man, a senior Soviet astronomer, declined to attend a meeting I had organized to dis-
cuss the UFO problem, saying that since the UFOs did not exist, there was nothing 10
discuss. One of his colleagues slipped and said that Russian scientists were not permitted to discuss
unidentified flying objects. Although we have reports of UFO sightings and phenomena from
some 70 countries, the Soviet Union and the other socialist countries have not contributed
UFO reports.

Judging by past Soviet behavior, this curious silence on a subject of increasing importance
to science and government means only one thing; and, indeed, there are some clues to actual
Soviet study of the problem. А Russian astronomer admitted in Prague to an American
ntist that he believed a problem existed. Another Aw tist recently received a note
from the secretary of an official Soviet organization for the study ol unidentified flying objects.
And the Russians announced at Prague that they would participate in a future international
conference on interstellar communication.

Even more significant was the recent publication of the first article in a Russian mag;
zine by a Soviet scientist discussing the strong possibility of the existence of unidentified flying
objects. That article, in the youth n е Степа, stated that the Soviet Union is preparing a
book-length study called Inhabited Cosmos, the chief editor of which will be the vice-president
of the U. $. S. R. Academy of Sciences, and that a chapter to be written by Felix U. Zigel (author
of the Степа article) will consider the UFO problem. Zigel's article concludes: “There exists
almost universally a definite type of phenomenon known as the phenomenon of the UFOs. The
nature of this phenomenon is as yet not resolved and none of the existing hypotheses can claim
a final solution to the problem. In such a situat

nais

can sc

m, the correct approach appears to be to

ILLUSTRATIONS AY MARVIN HAVES

submit the puzzling phenomenon of the
UFOs to led, careful scientific
investigation.

We know enough now about the way
the U.S. 5. К. announces its sci ic ad-
vances—the element of surprise the Rus-
sians have built into every step of their
space program is one example—to guess
that а Soviet writer would hardly call for
many-sided, careful scientific investi-
gation” of a phenomenon unless such an
investigation were already going on.

Late last. summer, the Chicago Sun-
Times ended its story about the discovery
—by a Massachusetts Institute of Tech-
nology physicist—of very puzzling narrow-
band radio signals from space with
the sentence, “Reportedly, Sovict scientists
have also been active in such searches.
Highly directional. single-frequency radio
signals, of course, might be remarkable
evidence of extraterrestrial life.
el’s discussion of UFOs in Стела
considers five theories about their п:
ture. The fifth theory—that UFOs are
“flying apparatus of other planets, investi-
gating the earth"—is the only one of the
five to which he offers no objections.

In sum, what little “hard” information
I have—and my intuition—tells me that
the U.S.S.R. may have been studying
UFOs with dispassionate thoroughness
for years. From my own official involve-
ment, I know that the United States is
only now beginning to consider treating
the problem seriously.

In 1948, I was asked by the U.S. Air
Force to serve as a scientific consultant
on the increasing number of reports of
strange lights in the sky. 1 was then di-
rector of the astronomical observatory of
Ohio State University and am now the
chairman of the astronomy deparument
at Northwestern. I had scarcely heard of
UFOs in 1948 and, like every other
scientist I knew, assumed that they were
nonsense. For the first few months of my
association with what is now Project Blue
Book—the name of the very small office at
Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Day-
ton, Ohio, concerned with UFO
о reason to change this opinion. The re-
ports of sightings that came to our atten-
tion then were either identifiable fyi
objects (IFOs), such as weather balloons,
meteors or planes, or they came to us from
patently unreliable witnesses. A few
others were hoaxes.

But over the years, cases began to ac-
cumulate for which I could find no satis-
factory physical explana In fairness
to Project Blue Book, I can say that
ly all of the cases that I consider
ned so labeled

despite charges by critics
а always found an explana-

PLAYBOY

unsolved һа
Air Force files
that the Proje:

tion for a report. On the other hand, the

Project did

modify
cases over a period of time.
that the evaluator
146 traceable to conve

g its disposition of particular

А sighting
s "possibly"
ional aircraft at the

me it occurred would appear in the
Project's annual report as "probably"
traceable to conventional aircraft. More

important than such small distortions,
however, the fact chat the Wright
Patterson group usually consisted only of
a captain, who headed the team, one
other officer, а sergeant and myself, as
occasional consultant, The fact that the
commanding officer was a captain in
cates the extent of the Air Force's concern
for this investigation.

My complaint here is not primarily
against the Air Force—which, after all,
is not a scientific investigative agency.
But, under the aegis of the Air Force or
not, there should have been a large,
well-staffed UFO research group in this
country since the first waves of reports.
In the past 20 years, 1 have analyzed
iore than 15,000 reports of UFO sight-
ings. About 90 percent of these turned
ош, on quick inspection, not to have been
UFOs at all, but readily identifiable ob-
jects. ОГ the remaining 10 percent, 1 made
a further division in my mind between
those that came to me from reasonably re-
able obscrvers—about 70 percent —and
those that came from oddballs of one
stripe or another. What this means is that
there are at least 1000 UFO reports that
remain completely unresolved in my own

mind. As a scientist, 1000 perplexing
cases strike me as sign
warrant professional and thorough

gation. 1 frankly do not know why the
Government has been so slow in coming
to the same conclusion

"The popular attitude among scientists
in the late Forties was that UFOs were a
product of what some called “post-War
nerves.” Of course, when reports of the
sightings continued well into the Fifties
—and began to arrive from many re-
gions of the globe—this theory was out.
Unfortunately, the attitude that accom-
panied the theory was retained, How
many UFO reports there might have
been if the popular and academic atti
tude toward UFOs were one of neutral
inquiry instead of derision will never be
known. Even an Air Force major general
docs not want to be laughed at by an
Ivy League professor.

One reason the professors were so
contemptuous of the reports was that
UFOs, obviously, cannot be studied in thc
laboratory. Results that сап be verified
through. repeatable, quantitative labora
tory experiments are still considered the
essence of science. Wha pust be re
membered is that much of our accurate,
scientific knowledge а the universe
was not gathered or verified in laborato-
ries—and cannot be. We know much
less about tornadoes than we would if we
could whip onc up whenever we wanted
it: but we certainly accept the fact that
they exist and, in fact, have some univer.
sally accepted theories about their for-
mation, composition and behavior. That
the result of unscheduled

observation. Similarly, many accepted
findings in zoology—our ideas about so-
1 structure among wild lions, for ex-
ample could come only from patient
observation in the field. With UFOs—;
with tornadoes, sunspots, animals ii
their wild state and a host of other as-
pects of the world—the sientist must
mount an attack to suit the phenomena.
To select phenomena that meet the de-
mands of laboratory research leads to
error in many fields and is impossible
with UFOs.

‘The existing evidence may indicate a
possible connection with extraterrestrial
life, the probable existence of which is
generally accepted. If such life does exist
and if there is any possibility of cst
lishing communication with it, our scien-
tific knowledge of that life might eve
be critical to our survival. Now let us be
clear: Тһе existence of extraterrestrial
nelligence and the UFO phenomenon
may be two entirely different things. But
the later, in itself, poses метем
ing scientihc problem. How can it be
studied? Do we ignore it simply because
the evidence we have does not follow
the stria rules of scientific evidence?

The question now is not whether but
how to design a truly scientific approach
to the UFO problem. When the Air
Force last year appointed a special com.
mission to study the UFO problem—the
so-called Gondon commitice, mecting at
the University of Colorado and named
for its chairman, Dr. Edward Condon
it tacitly recognized the seriousness of the
Ш trust 1 will not seem to be

l think

way

scheme that
thorough and efa
10 obtain scientific knowledge of UFOs.
Let us suppose we have before us
5000 UFO reports We appoint two
scientific panels, one composed of physi-
cal scientists, the other of social sci
s. We ask the first panel to exa
the reports and assign to
“sırangeness index," X, on a
to 5. By we shall mean the

ation for the report, taken at face
An attempt shall be made by the
scientific panel to evaluate the st
ness of the report. Given the report as
is, how difficult is it to find a natural,
normal explanation for it?

Thus, Xl and X2 would refer to UFO.
ken at face

reports that, even though
value, nonctheless find а тч
Чоп, They can then be excluded from
further consideration. "They are 1FOs
rather than UFOs. Herc are а few exam-
ples of IFOs: In May 1955, in a small
town in Wisconsin, a group of solid citi-
zens excitedly reported that for several
nights running, just before sunrise,
bright object, “much too bright to be a
star," appeared in the East and “remained
there, getting slowly higher and higher

(continued on page 267)

PARDON ME, SIR,
BUT 15 MY EYE

three mordant one-act plays
by a triumvirate of black

humor's most provocative

practitioners——terry southern,

arthur kopit and jack richardson

ран ack ан.

Frith of ра},

PLUMS AND PRUNES By TERRY SOUTHERN

EXTERIOR.

APPROACHING THE BRAD JEFFERY HOME. DAY.

It is an ideal ''suburbia home'' in Westchester: white, with
well-kept lawn, shrubs, etc. It is the contemporary and
Eastern counterpart of the house in the Andy Hardy pictures.
Camera MOVES UP the drive, STOPS ABRUPTLY.

EXTERIOR.

CUT TO:

A BUICK CAR (OR SIMILAR) IN THE DRIVEWAY. DAY.

BRAD JEFFERY is getting out, briefcase in hand. We realize
that the approach has been from his point of view. Brad is a
dapper and handsome man of 40-45, a Madison Avenue advertising
executive at the top of his profession. There is bouncy
anticipation and assurance in his manner as he walks toward
the house. We realize that BRAD is very much ''with it.''

INTERIOR. LIVING ROOM.

CUT TO:

DAY.

Westchester contemporary; a long, pearl-gray room; fireplace;
bar; a couple of smart prints (Braque guitar and Modigliani
nude) and a semiabstract original or two; on the wall
nearest the door are a pair of African masks, spaced well
apart, with a decorative crossbow mounted slightly above
and between them. Music from the phonograph is soothingly,
harmlessly modern jazz. Door opens ON CUT and BRAD

enters. At the far end of the room, by the bar, is DONNA,
his wife, gingerly emptying ice cubes into the ice bucket.
She is about 38, trim, tanned and very attractive in her
hostess-length skirt. Behind her we can see the kitchen
area from which she has come. As BRAD approaches, she looks
up, giving him a smile filled with warmth and a hint of
sexual promise. (Note: Besides the kitchen door and the
entrance door, there is another, leading to the downstairs
bedrooms and bath. This door is opposite the bar and
through it can be seen the staircase as well.)

DONNA
Hello. darling.

There is a confident smile on BRAD's face as he reaches her,

BRAD

Hello, baby.

ILLUSTRATIONS EY ARNOLO ROTH

, places briefcase on floor, puts arms around her.

(tenderly sexual, with rich, masculine
Princetonian modulation)

(continued on page 313)

AN INCIDENT IN THE PARK By ARTHUR KOPIT

INTERIOR. TELEVISION STUDIO.

Chaos. Except for newscaster (a WALTER CRONKITE), who sits
behind his desk waiting to ''go on,'' a dazed grin on his face.
CRONKITE is gray and ten years older.

AMA. rocca, (Ad-libbed CONFUSION)

"Suddenly someone snaps a finger and points at him.
Silence from the others. HE's ''on the air.''

CRONKITE
Good evening. September 13, 1977, and

chaos reigns supreme. Catastrophes have
occurred throughout our country. Апа the
enemy remains in control. About the

only thing left that could still occur
and yet make the situation worse than it
is is annihilation. For since the take-
over early this morning, no slaughter has
occurred. The enemy has been merciful.
And tonight the question on everyone's
lips is: Why?

qued. Pause. And then HE's handed a note. HE tears it open.

CRONKITE
Ladies and gentlemen. What we've
all been waiting for. A note of hope .
the President of the United
States. And the First Lady. Have just
been spotted entering Central Park.

BEAT. SLOW DISSOLVE TO:

EXTERIOR. CENTRAL PARK. DAY.

MEDIUM SHOT OF PRESIDENT WITH FIRST LADY IN BACKGROUND.

) PRESIDENT
pile (speaking to someone unseen)
I... am the President. This . . . is my wife
We have come . . . as instructed. Will you

take us to your.
HE looks back at the FIRST LADY.
PRESIDENT

(sotto voce)
It's gonna sound ridiculous.

(continued on page 276)

м9

JUAN FELDMAN By JACK RICHARDSON

FADE IN:

EXTERIOR. AERIAL VIEW OF NEW YORK. DAY

The camera, to the music of a choral arrangement of
''Old New York,'' begins with an aerial shot and then
moves through a series of vignettes of New York slum
life—the worst possible. Finally, it focuses and
moves in on a single tenement window.

CUT TO:

INTERIOR. TENEMENT BEDROOM. DAY.

The camera roams and we see about a dozen sleeping forms—
young, different shapes, sizes and colors—scattered
through the room. Rats scamper over the dozing children
until an alarm goes off. The rats, on cue, dash back

to their holes. ''Old New York'' comes to an end and MRS.
FELDMAN, a large, attractive Negress, enters.

MRS. FELDMAN
(she speaks with a Yiddish
accent)
So what are we all doing still in bed?
There's sunshine coming up outside, the
day is commencing.

FIRST FELDMAN CHILD
(a little blonde girl with
English accent)
Mummy, I didn't have a dream last night.

MRS. FELDMAN
(indicating a swarthy sibling)
So you have to have a dream every night?
Sammy will share his with you. He always
dreams, don't you, Sammy?

SAMMY FELDMAN
Gosh, Mom, the dream I had was pretty
raunchy. I don't know if I should tell
Sis.

MRS. FELDMAN looks up in despair as Several babies in

the room start to cry. The camera then moves in on

JUAN FELDMAN, asleep in underwear, hat and dark glasses.
He is a typical New York, young, delinquent hippie. He's
a little of everything. He stirs, sits up and looks about.

(continued on page 310)
ILLUSTRATIONS BY TOMI UNGERER

LOVE AND HATE IN RENT-A-CAR LAND

an “in-depth” probe of what goes on in the ad battle between hertz
and avis suggests that freud's the one who's in the driver's seat

humor By HAROLD GREENWALD rr nas амаш narrENED: Corporations are developing
conflicts, neuroses and. psychoses. In plain language, they are beginning to freak out.

Really, it shouldn't have come as a great surprise. Corporations are regarded by the law,
in its tattered majesty, as single individuals. Being individuals, they have personalities, Can there
be any doubt that soft, cuddly Maidenform has a different personality from tough, rugged
United States Steel or IBM, the corporation that Thinks?

Having personalities and being exposed to the problems of daily living, corporations are de-
veloping neurotic relationships. The time has come to look frankly and fearlessly at a rela-
tionship between two corporations that is so strange and twisted that it could have been invented
by Edward Albee or Tennessee Williams. It is amazing that so many family magazines have
opened their virginal white pages to chronicling this perverse relationship.

By now, I am sure the alert reader has guessed that I am referring to the fantastic love-hate

>. — MET di. m

PLAYBOY

182

relationship that Avis and Hertz have
ablushingly displayed to the world
tely, we have a scientific tool
our disposal—psychoanalysis—that is de
н hidden in the
depths of the unconscious. ‘The question
then arises—do corporations have an
nconscious? For the sake of our two
protagonists, I hope they do—otherwise,
they and all the publications in which
they have so boldly displayed their per-
verse fixations may soon have to face
the postal authorities, who have been
rmed by recent Supreme Court deci-
sions designed to halt the publication of
obscene material

However, let us withhold any moral
condemnation of this unfortunate pair
caught in the grip of an illicit passion; let
us, rather, try to understand them by
carefully e g their own words in
the series of ads they have aimed at each
other over the past severa] years. It
could be argued, of course, that the
words were written by anonymous copy-
writers in Madison Avenue think tanks
and, therefore, do not reflect the psyches
of our corporate patients; but this argu-
ment is childishly easy to unmask. The
corporations chose the advertising agen-
ies, they certainly conferred about the
ads and they paid for them. They have
both proclaimed loud and long that each
is telling the truth about itself.

Let us start by examining Avis, which
for so long bewailed the fact that it was
“No. 2." The choice of this epithet re
veals two things: first, what Adler would
label “a severe inferiority complex"
second, a profound anal fixation, (To
many children, No. 2 means moving the
bowels.) As a typical sullerer from an
anal fixation, poor Avis is preoccupied
with a fanatic devotion to “clean ash
trays” and “wipers that wiped.” Not only
does Avis complai
but it even proves Adler's theory that the
inferiority complex often spurs опе on to
greater efforts by shouting [rom ads and
employees buttons, WE TRY HARDER.

Why is Avis tortured by its inferiority
feelings? An inspection of another ad
makes one reason clear. "Little fish have
to keep moving all of the time. The big
ones never stop picking on them. . . .
We'd be swallowed up if we didn't try
harder" There is more than a hint of

swallowed up. It is this fear of annihi
lation that supplies the anxiety that
underlies Avis inferiority feel

Plagued with anxiety and inferiority,
how does Avis respond? Docs it take
ast its enemies? Never. That is
not the way for a person obviously afflict
ed with a passive feminine identification.
It resorts to masochism. It begs and
pleads to be attacked in the ad in which
it encourages its clients to tcar up their
credit cards if it goofs.

And what is the Avis response to this

anticipated attack? “We won't it
lying down,” it asserts. Aha—finally,
note of del the

defiance is shortlived. The next sentence
undoes the momentary assertion and
quickly returns to the masochist position:
“We'll bend over backward to get you
back" With a feminine identification
and an anal fixation, we begin to under-
stand what Avis is up to. Bend over
backward, indeed. For what purpose,
Avis? In the last sentence, Avis under-
lines its masochistic offer: “Sı
cry a little." What kind of sei
that for a corporation?

Avis is by now in such a masochistic
orgy that it cannot stop. In another ad, it
prodaims: “And when someone calls us
by the wrong name, we turn the other
cheek.” Now, instead of bending over
1d, the offering is the other cheek
y mean to say cheeks?

Being a masochist is not easy for any-
body and bly even harder for a
corporation ny good masochist can
tell you, it requires single-minded devo-
tion to suffering and any possibility of
pleasure must be strictly repressed. It
requires the ability to snatch disaster out
of success and defeat out of victory.

In another ad, Avis demonstrated its
virtuosity in the art of suffering. Having
made an offer to give a quarter to any
customer who didn't find his Avis Plym-
outh in bener shape than his own car,
our corporate patient had to shell out
184 quarters. Considering that this rep-
resents only 1 out of 3700 rentals, it is
an impressive record. Does Avis cele-
brate this triumph? Emphatically not—
Avis’ determination to suffer is not so
casily shaken. Here is the response:
“Апа when we think of all the customers.
who didn't bother to complain, we really
worry.” What really bothers Avis is that
its customers do not help it suffer.

In any neurotic, we must expect фе
symptom to appear again and again. In a
weak moment, Avis grudgingly admits
its success: “Trying harder is starting to
pay oL" But immediately Avis is back
with il miliar whine: “We're wor
bout the future. It's almost а fact
fe that the bigger a company be-
and imper-

icd
of
comes, the more inefficien

sonal it gets." Trust Avis to find ihe fly in

iment and to concentrate on it.
his
hall-

the
Rarely has the fear of success—wh
the masochist’s and the depressive
mark—been so openly expressed

Showing its collection of buttons in
various languages, it starts to worry that
this will make it more difficult to evoke
sympathy. Now the problem is closer to
the surface; again, Avis rushes in to ex-
“This ad might just ruin
ge as the underdog in rent a
A lite kuer, it repeats its dis
daimer of success: "No. 2 is still what
we are,” Still fearful that someone might
think that it is pleasurable to be repre-
sented in 38 countrics, our good old

s difficulties: “We must
say we had some trouble transl
Avis button.” Never for onc moment are
you supposed to forget its problem:
Of course, one of the purposes of co
atly expressing your misery is to
extract sympathy. However, this is an
embarrassing admission to make and Avis
rushes in with a pseudo disclaimer: "Avis
is only No. 2. But we don't want your
sympathy." With the characteristic skill
of the chronic sufferer. Avis makes even
this a subject of suffering: "Have we
been crying too much?" it asks us pite
ously. "Have we overplayed the under
dog?” it implores. Now we are asked to
feel sorry for its compulsive need to
arouse our sympathy.
But, lo, a problem ari

sufferer stresses

This will never do, because this would
mean success and an end to suffering.

Avis has to search for a way to d
the possibility of success; a new
in order. "Maybe we ought to el
the negative and accentuate the positive.
it suggests timidly. Please note that the
new tack is taken only when the old onc
seems doomed to succeed.

It should again be noted that by iden
tifying itself as a second, Avis also as
sumed an essentially feminine position
and boasted about such essentially fe
e preoccupations as supplying сі
ashtrays. Avis now makes an attempt to
undergo an apparent personality п
formation.

Without the assistance of a

To comprehend why this tr;
tion is only skindeep, you have to
understand a common psychological phe
nomenon known in the couch trade as
reaction formation." A reaction forma
tion occurs when the individual becomes
aware of à personality defect and over
reacts against it. For example, a fright
ened lad, whose sister has to save him
from being beaten up by the tough
boys on the block, becomes a world
boxing champion, However, a reaction
formation rarely solves the underly
problem and we may expect to find ev
dence of the unconscious conflict break-
ing through the carefully erected psychic
defense.

Now back to our patient. In th

c De-

cember 10, 1906, issue

Yorker (among other pl

sumes a tough, belligerent,

pose by headlining its full-page ad, “IF
SHE DOESN'T FILL, OUT THAT RENTAL
FORM IN 2 MINUTES FLAT, STRIP HER OF
HER AVIS BUTTON." Notice that thi
advertisement is meant to stimulate

rape fantasy. Psychoamalysts have long
known, even if Avis doesn't, that r
(continued on page 247)

153

"You can run along to bed now, Lisa—Mommy will take care of Sania.”

DEVELOPING PLAYMATE

ах а vealtor's girl friday, miss december lynn winchell helps a lot in selling lots by the sallon sea shore

Diminutive Lynn Winchell—brighteyed, sofi-
spoken and knowledgeable—projects undiluted
chorm in her professional capacity as a sales-
girl-secrelary; in these unobstructed views of
Lynn alone, however, she allows her natural re-
sources fo speak for themselves. During her off
hours, Miss Winchell finds time to sovor most of
Southem Colifernio's favored pastimes—such
©з combing the beach (fer right), with o double
escort, in a dune buggy she helped construct.

MONG THE STATES, California ranks
third in area, second in popula
tion, first in Playmate production

and it’s still developing its physical and
human resources. Looming large in the
latter

tegory is our Christmas Playmate,
Lynn Winchell, a 20-year-old San Fernan-
do Valleyie who calls Northridge her
home. Lynn combines publicrclations
activity with salesmanship and secretarial
work for the Noram Development Com-
pany, which is profitably engaged in creat
ing a residential oasis on the shores of the
Salton Sea. A three-hour drive through
the desert from Sherman Oaks, where the
company's main office is located, the Sal-
ton Sea is really a huge, saline lake—
“You can't see across, let alone swim the
distance, but there is another side.” Miss
Winchell, а finely developed five-footer,
does paperwork during the week and on
weekends shows prospective buyers their

prospects, accompanying them on a day
long charter-bus tour that includes lunch
ага yacht club overlooking the sca. "Sales
arc going smoothly," says Lynn, "but
there's still land. available.”

Home base for the sizable Winchell
family (Lynn has three sisters and a
brother) is in Sepulveda; Lynn's father,
an auto mechanic, works only а few
blocks from the Могат office, and they
frequently meet for lunch. Lynn natural-
ly has а better-than-average understand.
ing of how cars are put together, and her
savvy stood. her in good stcad when shc
was bitten by California's rampant dune-
buggy bug: “It's very kicky to be able to
drive right over sand dunes, so it's casy
to understand why so many people have
flipped out over dune buggies. "They're
also easy to build, if you know what

you're doing—you just take an old auto
and replace the frame and wheel

Perhaps because she comes from a larg:
ish family (though she says there's no
tersibling rivalry, Lynn goes in for
easygoing brands of entertainment, such
as circulating through — Northridge's

sprawling shopping centers and bowla-
dromes (“We don't have to mention my
bowling scores. do мей"), partying with
friends and occasionally driving into
Hollywood (ог a show. She's also at
home in the open air, whether speeding

Always alert to the possi-
bilities for pleasure in the
world around her, winsome
Miss Winchell finds thet
after-work relaxation is nev-
er hard to come by; it
may consist of wading with
a pair of friends (Lynn is in
the middle) into the $айоп
Sea—oftor с day of ex
tolling its advantages—or
scooping up and cuddling
о kitten discovered out-
side her company’s central
office in Sherman Ooks.

After arriving at the Salton Sea Development
in her brother-indow's Cessna (left), Lynn
changes, then expounds on the virtues of the
property (with the cid of maps) to an inter-
ested couple. “It's mainly the recreational as-
sets, like the opportunities For boating, that 1
discuss with the people. We don't sell houses,
just the lond—so а client can build any kind
of home he chooses," says Miss December—
who learned to deal with the general public
as а salesgirl in а Grenada Hills dress shop
and os a receptionist for a Bel Air construction
firm. Above: Lynn handles с phone coll on
behalf of her busy boss, Maurice Salomon—
chief strategist for the development company.

WISS DECEMBER

^
>

PHOTOGRAPHY BY BILL FIGGE AND ED DELDNG

Оп a weekend drive, Lynn pauses in Burbank спа romps for a while in a public park (above). That evening, she is visited by
sister Bobbie: “ОР all the kids in the family, she's closest to те in both age and interests.” Bobbie brings her young son's hamster

with her and turns it over to Lynn, who amuses herself with it while her sister washes her hair; then Lynn plays h

along on water skis or leisurely driving
ош to explore California's snowcapped
mountain ranges. At odd moments
though, Miss December finds herself
yearning for a return trip to Hawa
where she spent a soul ying vaca
tion two years ago. “The Hawaiians were
unbelievably friendly—they weren't in a
big hurry all the time, as
Hy aic. Every place we went, people
waved to us—even though we were total
strangers.”

For the future, Lynn has several am
bitions, one of which is rather lofty—
10 fly a plane. “My brotherindaw is а
icensed pilot who works for an airport.
and he takes me up sometimes. Thanks to
him. I was able ıo photograph our land
development from the air—just for fun.
I'd like to have my own plane someday
Dut that's strictly blue-sky planning on
my part." Lynn also has a more practical
and cureer-cemered wish: to return to
school and study business management:
and with expectuions both aerial and
carthbound, she's wisely banking her
Playmate fee.

The ner in which Lynn became
our Holiday Playmate lends some cre
dence to the old saw about history re-
peating itself: Tike our reigning Playmate
of the Year, Lisa Paker, Lynn wa
picked as a potential Playmate, at a wed-
ding. by photographer Bill Figge. “I
posed with the bride after the ceremo-
ny,” Lynn recalls, “and later, Mr. Figge
asked if I were a model—which, of
course, 1 wasn't. Then he invited me to
try it, at his studio апі when he said
he was a rLaysoy contributor, T thought
he had to be kidding. In fact, being a
р still se иги!
dream—and if it is, Fm not anxious to
wake up." We're sure iders will
agree, however, that Lyr very real
Playmate of the Month, indeed,

stylist.

PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES

Worried about their lackluster sex life, the
waded her husband to

ing their lovemaking, he would occasionally
dash out of the bedroom.
Overcome by curiosity, she followed him 10
the bathroom. Tiptoeing to the doorway, she
w him standing before the mirror, staring
fixedly at himself and muttering, "She's not my
wife . . . she's not my wife.

Then there was the Polynesian nymphom:
who was always longing for Samoa.

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines office
Christmas фату as the best opportunity for a
secretary to get а raise by lying down on the
job.

The groom awoke the morning after his wed-
ding to find his bride in tears. “Why are you
ng?” he asked.

“Look,” she sobbed, pointing to him. “We
almost used it all up the first night!

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines Chinese
voyeur as a Peking Tom.

А hip chick we know gets her kicks by taking
LSD with her birth-control pills. She wants to
take а trip—but not to Dr. Spock.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do
today," а wise man once said, "because if you
enjoy it today, you can do it

Our Unabashed Dicti
brothel as а humpty-dump.

ry defines low-class

The successiu

financier was so wrapped up in
his undcrs

my work that he had been neg
lecting his youthful and passionate wife. One
lay, he arrived home unexpectedly around
dinnertime and found her in bed with a
stranger.

“What the hell is going on here?” the finan-

demanded.

"I forgot to tell you, Arthur,
calmly. “I've gone public."

ci
aid his wife

What would you like for Christmas?” the so-
i ts asked their young son.
ich," he answered, so they let

' explained the frustrated junior exec,
night I have the sume stringe dicam.
ful girls sneak into my apartment and
try to seduce me.”

“Well, what do you do?

"Nothing. I keep pushing them aw

nd what do you want me to do?"

"Please, doc," pleaded the man, "break my
arms.”

ed the doctor.

After meeting at a discothéque, the young
couple repaired to a local lovers’ lane, where
they proceeded to cement their new relation-
Having freed her of blouse and bra, he
was helping remove the rest of her dothing
when a police car drove by.

"Fuzz" he whispered excitedly.

"What did you expect" she replied,
ponytail?”

Our Unabashed Dictionary dei
as being tied up in nots.

nes inhibitions

A bachelor friend tells us the only thing beer
than the sleep of the just is the sleep of the
just-after.

lı was a wild office party and—in the darkened
mail room—a pair of employees was making
the most of it. "Oh, Mr. Baxter,” the curvy
secretary sighed. “You never made love to me
before. Is it because of the holiday

her partner replied, “it’s because I'm

Irma

As the two little girls walked hand in hand to
ndergarten, one confided: "I found a contra-
ccptive on the patio yesterday.”
Asked her frie “What's а patio?"

Our v ary defines pessimist
as a man who thinks all women arc bad, and
optimist as one who hopes they arc.

Awakening the morning after the orgy, the
god of war was stretching slecpily when he
«cd a lovely valkyrie standing in the

"m Thor."
You're thor; "m tho thor I

can hardly pith

Heard a good onc lately? Send it on а post-
card to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, Playboy
Building, 919 N. Michigan Ave, Chicago,
IIL 60611. $50 will be paid ta the contributor
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned.

there

id the m.

“He sai

France, so

istletoe was imported from

was a slight difference in the tradition.”

THE CRIMINAL MENTALITY

our recent wave of spectacular and senseless mass murders underscores how little we know about the killer instinct in man

article By JOHN BARTLOW MARTIN somewnere IN THE UNITED STATES tonight, the chances are a young man
is planning to kill several people. He would be in his early 20s, mild-mannered, polite and rather studious. He
would likely be married but not satisfactorily. He might be attending college, though on a basis both accelerated
and irregular, Once in recent years, he would have spent time in apparently aimless wandering; friends will recall
‚ yes, now they remembered he once disappeared for a while. They will also remember that he was “the
quiet type," didn't say much; and one, a neighbor who knew him when he was a child, will remember that he did
odd things and that there was something vaguely “unhappy” or even “unhealthy” about his home life with his
is pastor will recall that he sang in the choir;
st he visited voluntarily a few years ago
low affect,” "scems flat,”
feels inadequate,” “paranoid trends." The records (continued on page 249) 165

па
ill find in his records routine not
"relates poorly to authority figure

PHOTOGRAPHY BY FRANK BEZ

inspired бу the title
of her new action comedy,
elke sommer takes a tongue-in-cheek tilt
at freud and the
misinterpretation of dreams

т. best thing about The Wicked Dreams of Paula Schultz is the presence of Elke Sommer іп the title role.
The weirdest thing about the flick—an upcoming comedy thriller about a zaftig East German track star who
hops, skips and jumps her way to freedom over the Berlin Wall, not once but twice—is that it includes no dream
sequences at all, despite its title. Never a magazine to avoid dispelling ambiguity where we find it, PLAYBOY de-
cided to take а not-too-serious look at the inner reality of Paula Schultz while performing the pleasurable task
of exploring the outer reality of Elke—dreamy territory, indeed, first brought to our readers’ attention in The
Nudest Elke Sommer, in September 1964. "During the two days of shooting that produced these photos," West
Coast photographer Frank Bez told us, "Elke and I kept Paula's feisty character and hopes for freedom upper-
most in our minds. We did make a real attempt to illustrate the dreams Paula would most likely have had. Since
she is young, beautiful and trapped, the dominant themes in the shots are sex and freedom. On the other hand,
neither Elke nor I had any pretensions about making profound Freudian analyses." In that spirit, we can only
suggest a vigorous nod to the pleasure principle and a leisurely perusal of the next seven pages. Pleasant dreams.

Elke's complex
approach-avoidance posture
toward the statues that. surround her
Sails to hide the fact that she wants an Oscar
us much as any other actress.

In this parable
on the powerful sexuality of trains,
Elke's expression seems to declare,
“Make sure the next
choochoo you catch is Sanforized!”

The clichéed mythicosexual
content of snake imagery aside,
this dream simply proves the difficulty
of fitting a. well-rounded Elke
info ап unpadded corner.

Is Elke оп a trampoline?
Taking part in a test of weightlessness?
Is she falling in love?
Thrice wrong: She’s simply expressing a triumph
of the libido over the superego’s repressions.

Water, darting fish
and Elke's near-catatonic pose
all symbolize her quest
Sor libidinal release.
Either that or she’s drowning.

Guilt-edged bonds chain Elke to
hell-fire and brimstone in this regression
to the imagery of the evangelist;
but she still manages
a Jung-at-heart smile.

YEAR OR туо лсо, a London Sunday newspaper rea
REIN( ARNAI ION A mainly by English working people published a question-
naire in which the editor asked whether they believed

(a) in heaven and hell, (b) in reincarnation or (с) did not
know. To his surprise, the yes answers for reincarnation led
handsomely over those for heaven and hell. Of these readers,
igricultural areas, hardly one in 20 attended reli-
even irregularly; and if large numbers sent their
children to Sunday school, this was mainly to get them clear
of the house on an afternoon traditionally

sacred to marital rites. The American

attendance rate, on the contrary,
has risen spectacularly in the
рам two generations and

is now claimed to
have reached more
like 1] citizens
in every 20.
Reincarna-
tion, in

fact, has
not madc
much head-
way in the
States, heaven
and hell still be-
ing ап unalterable
dogma in church, chap-
«1, synagogue and mosque
—vwith, of course, such gen-
erous modifications as purgatory
and limbo. American orthodoxy has
been encouraged by а gentlem: grccment be

tween business and religion; for most institutions and organi-

zations hold that such beliefs produce a more reliable type of

worker in all grades. A small minority of America’s reincar

nationists, mostly converted by theosophists trading as popu-

lar astrologers, were given a boost in 1956 by the publication

of The Search for Bridey Murphy. This, you will perhaps

remember, was the story of how “Ruth Simmons,” а young

14 Colorado housewile, gave a hypnotist named Morey Bernstein

an eminent poet and scholar of mythology
probes the ancient sources and
subsequent manifestations of an age-old belief

article By ROBERT GRAVES

177

REINCARNATION |

|
rem
|
|

many verifiable de of her previous incarnation as a
about 150 years before.

A correspondent of The Christian. Century commented at
the um "I mer a man in a Des Moines beanery who had а
copy of The Scarch for Bridey Murphy under his arm. 1
looked up from my plate of beans and asked how he liked
1. without much enth ТАП right.
I asked him if he thought there was amy truth in it,
“Well, 1 do Vd rather believe
in it than nothing. Hell, 1 don't want just to
die. Fd like t0 have a second chance.

In that, I am sure he spoke for a
lot of people and came close

etern: The
interest in
Bridey Mur-
phy is an
outward

reach
for a

spiritual

world of

some sort.”

And yet this
correspondent greatly
understated the case.
Admittedly, reincarnation
is not а familiar part of He-
brew belief in the hereafter: but a
notable exception was made in the case
of the prophet Elijah, who. according to The Sec-
ond Book of Kings, had been carried off by a celesti.
and who, according to The Book of Malachi IV: 5,
appear on carth just before the comi
Jesus. himself, quotes the Malachi tex

chariot

sked by the captain of the temple guard, shortly before
the cruc п (Mark XI: 28), “By (continued on page 233)

ILLUSTRATIONS BY ROBERT LOSTUTTER

an eminent poet and scholar of mythology
probes the ancient sources and
subsequent manifestations of an age-old belief

article By ROBERT GRAVES

177

“This year I've decided
to give something that
will eliminate all
the tiresome shopping."

humor By JEAN SHEPHERD

"RONGKATULATIONS upon buying such a fine products!
You have choosed wisely upon procuring our very fine
patented (Pend) devices. The guarante which ac
companies herein is unquestionably good for one year
or less. If fuse is not twisted? Note base of green color
is not easily found to be crackable. To operate cor
rectfully merely plug into standard U.S. (A.C) two
pronged clearics (110 V.). Immediately your Deluxe
Yuel A-Go-Go ‘Tuneful Musical Revolving Puncture-
Proof ‘Table-Model Aluminum Xmas Tree should
ns function. (Deluxe Model 2-A is capable of

„зе.

be
being folds. 1f excessive care is observed. This provide
storage.

1 reread the directions, which
where a clue to the technical trouble I was experienc
ing with my sparkling little Japanese-made aluminum.
beauty, a triumph of modern science over the tunc
les, nonreusable, old-fashioned Christmas tree of
yesteryear. The only trouble was, the damn thing
squatted there dark, mute and unrevolving in the mid

t contain. some-

„Т

U
4
=
5
Р
8
У
e
H
h

dle of my winter-streaked picture window overlooking
my beloved wasteland of Manhattan. even though 1 had
taken every precaution to make sure it was plugged
into the correct electrics. Maybe my Yule A-Go-Go is
polarized, 1 thought, with my usual technical know-
how. on which I pride myself as ап ex-GI

Dropping to my knees, I crawled laboriously be
hind my Danish Folding Swing-A-Ding Coucherama,
inching forward toward the only electrical outlet that
my entire high-rent, three-and-a-half-room apartment
supported. I plunged my hand into the g s nest
of three-way, five-way, nine-way extensions and plugs,
by dint of which I managed to squeeze out enough
electricity from my one outlet to run my entire life
From somewhere in the distance, decp in some murky
air shaft, came the faint strains of recorded Christmas
music. T jiggled the plugs, reversed the green one
from my Yule A-Go-Go and crabbed backward from
behind the couch.

Nothing. Returning to the tree, I picked it up and
nined it from all sides in the gray light that
filtered in from what passes for a winter sun in the big
city. There were no knobs, no switches, no unseemly
mechanistic protuberances. Aha! Again my brilliant
technical mind leaped in excitement as | spotted on
the underside of the Christmasgreen polyethylene
base what appearcd to be the head of an embedded
fuse. Quickly I scanned а the thinner-than-tissue
paper sheet of instructions. A single phrase leaped out
al me: “H fuse is not twisted?” Do they mean to fist
the fuse or not to twist the fuse? Since my Yule

the return of
the smiling
wimpy doll

wherein popeye’s pal gangs up with jack
armstrong, buck rogers, doctor christian,
tom mix, captain midnight, mickey mouse,
harold teen, melvin purvis and grumpy the
10 dwarf for a traumatic christmas visitation

м ra

PLAYBOY

182

A-Go-Go wasn't yer playing carols and
suffusing my aparunent with a festive
aura of soft Christmas lighting the way
the ad said it would, I deduced that they
must m the fuse.

Squinting closely at the base, I ob-
served that the fuse was recessed well
below the surface. It would require more
than my fingernails to do the job. In a
frenzy of creativity, I rushed out into my
kitchen, where 1 kept my meager supply
of tools, fished out my dime-store pliers
and returned to the fray. As 1 grasped
the base firmly in one hand, the pliers in
the other chomped solidly onto the head
of the fuse. I gave it a smooth and clean
twist.

For a single instant I felt the
mas tree міг under my grasp, its tiny
red, yellow, blue and green lights flar-
ing brightly. The high, thin notes of
“I'm dreaming of a white Christmas”
bounced off the ceiling, Then a dull,
roaring sensation boomed up my arm,
crashed into my shoulder, down my
e, hovered for a moment in my pel-
vic region and then whinged out through
my other arm. For a moment, | stood
frozen; then I toppled through a cloud
of billowing smoke—striking my head
smartly against the arm of my burnt-
orange Naupahyde Barcalounger—and
lay for a full minute, during which I had
the clear impression of being on a skiing
wip in the Alps, which is rather odd, since
1 am resolutely anti skiing. Tentatively,
my mind gradually groped back into
focus and I knew the worst. I had just
voided another guarantee.

1 crawled to my feet, my silken dres-
ing gown still smoldering slightly, and
staggered over to the couch. [ sat down
heavily, flicking my wrists, attempting to
restore some circulation. It was a little
carly in the morning for shock therapy,
I reflected. Christmas decorations lay
scattered about me. Absent-mindedly, 1
examined a plastic bag containing two
sprigs of neoprene mistletoe. In red.
Christmasy lettering, pLasoxiss splashed
across the gay bagging. Well, at least
you don't have to plug this stuff in, 1
mused

Little did 1 realize that this fiasco was
but a prelude to an electrifying pre-
Christmas trauma that would set the
tone for the entire yuletide fortnight.
Wisps of bluc-gray electrical smoke ed-
died about my bookshelves. The shock
had given me a more than moderately
che, which, piled on top of
Savurday-morning hangove
d have been enough hint of im-
g events. But we live from mo-
ment to moment, rarely perceiving the
vaster plans that contrive to undo us.

The doorbell rang. My mind, slowed

by its unexpected jolt of Con Ed juice, at
first did not respond. М rang again. Fi
Шу. T heard a disembodied voice that 1

1
dimly recognized as n
“What do you want?

с call out:

F
surly, guttural tones of the doorma
package.

A package? Instantly the cobwebs
Aed. There is nothing that brings the
roses to the cheeks of a man quicker
than to announce he is receiving a pack-
age. Leaping to my feet, I lurched for
ward, barking my shins against my
free-form coffee table, and limped to the
door, oblivious of the thin crimson trail
of blood I left behind me.

LIFE—THE COMPLETE CEREAL. Swcat
poured down my brow as I read the
green block letters printed on the huge,
lumpy, battered cardboard carton as 1
struggled to drag it over the sill of my
partment door. Slowly I inched the
monster burden over my $700-a-yard,
mocha-shaded wall-to-wall carpeting and
into the living room, my Sulka dressing
gown sopping wet with honest perspira-
tion. Even the monogram drooped.

Painfully, | toppled the hulking mass
end upward, hearing from inside а
muffled inking and clauering, a tin
kling, rolling, sifting, grating mélange of
sound from within the battered carton.
Even as I eased myself down into my
magnificent alligatorskin Pakistani sling
chair to rub my shattered shin, which
was now beginning to throb, the box
continued to emit muted noises, like
nd filtering down through a mess of
broken Christmas-tree ornaments. From
deep inside came the low whir of a
spring suddenly uncoiling. It stopped,

om beyond the door, 1 heard the
"A

ticked twice and was silent. Somehow,
that spring and the sound it made were
vaguely familiar. Then began a faint,

derisive quacking. as of some demented
duck calling to its lascivious mate.
stinctively, 1 struck out at the carton
with my clenched fist. The duck quacked
once again and the giant carton lapsed
nto an ominous silence. Only the sound
of distant sirens, keeping the citizenry at
bay, drifted in from the outside world.

I knew that damn duck! Which is not
an easy fact to accept before lunch
Awkwardly, 1 struggled out of my chair
and stood looking down at my prize. For
the first time, I noticed that there was ап
envelope taped to the top. It was ad
dressed to me, hand-written in a familiar
script:

Merry Christmas. І was cleaning
out the basement the other da
1 came across all kinds of junk you
had when you were little. I figured
rather than throw it out, I'd send it
оп to you. A lot of it is still good
and you might want to play with
й, especially the Kangaroo Spring-

Shus thac Aunt Min gave you for
Christmas.
Love,
Mom

With an involuntary groan, 1 plumped
down on my rickety camelsaddle seat

and read the letter ag:
it fall 1 the floor between
Seven tons of kid effluvi
stroke of sadistic Christmas gilt gi
Already my apartment was loaded to the
gunnels with grown-up mementos—my
complete library of firs-edition Peanuts
paperbacks, my matched set of souvenir
pillows from 37 Army camps west of
the Mississippi, my matchless, nationally
known collection of rare swizzle sticks.
all personally earned. My life was already
overflowing. And now this! 1 thought
briefly of throwing the whole mess down
the air shaft.

Then, from deep inside the box came
another sound, a faint honking, as of
some ancient flivver caught in a long
forgotten traffic jam. It stopped. Maybe
it was the duck, maybe the horn, maybe
Christmas itself: but 1 found myself ris-
ing slowly from the camel seat, picking
up my pair of shears and standing over
the vast carton. From some remote
apartment came the unmistakable beat
of that new smash Christmas hit The
King Wenceslaus Rock by the Bullwhip
Four. Taking a deep breath, I plunged
the shears into the wp of the box. There
was no turning back. As I sawed away, 1
hegan to be conscious of a rising twinge
of apprehension, What was in this box?
After all, as a kid, 1 had had a lot of
things in my possession at one time or
another that I would not want my
mother to know about. Furthermore,
came as а somewhat nasty shock that this
stuff was still in existence

Finally, the shears chewed through
the last strand of baling wire and the top
of the battered receptacle stood ready
for the final assault. Unflinching, 1
grasped the flaps and ripped. Instantly,
an odd. indefinable odor rose from the
muddled moil: musty, basementy, а
slight touch of rust. | think I detected
even a bit of residual ancient sweat
mixed with other scents so subtle and
ephemeral as to be unclassifiable.

Inside the cover, my mother had
crumpled large sections of the editorial
page and wantad columns fro
copy of the Chicago Tribune that she
had picked up, probably, from a pile of
old newspapers in the basement. One
faded headline read: “ва SQUADRON
MITS SICILY IN DAYLIGHT RAID: REPORT
SUCCESS; THREE PLANES 1 The crum-
pled panels of a comic strip caught my
eye. 1 smoothed it out and once agai
was face to face with Harold Teen. He
was trying to get Lillums, his lile. le
tuce leaf, to go to Pop Jenks’ Sugar Rowl
with him. Then Beezie Jer
thing that will be forever lost. since th:
part of the strip was ripped away. 1 no.
ticed that Terry had not made second
lieutenant yet but was still a struggling
air cadet. Ruthlessly. L crumpled the pa
pers, tossed them aside and pecred down

(continued on page 222)

an okl

s said som

“Ahem, I have a nurse present to help you feel
more at ease, Miss Travis."

183

184

1 was ON MY WAY to Montreal to deliver a lecture.
It was midwinter and I had been warned that the
temperature there was ten degrees lower than it
was in New York. Newspapers reported that trains
been stalled in the snow and that fishing v
lages were cut off from civilization, so that food
and medical supplies had to be dropped to them
by plane.

1 prepared for the journey as though it were an
expedition to the North Pole. | put on a heavy
coat over two sweaters and packed some warm
underwear and a boule of cognac in case the train
should halt somewhere in the fields. In my breast
pocket I had the manuscript that I intended to
read. It was an optimistic report on the future of
the Yiddish language.

In the beginning, everything went smoothly. As
usual, I arrived at the station an hour before
train departure and therefore could find no porter.
The station teemed with travelers and I watched
them, trying to guess who
they were, where they were
going and why.

None of the men was
dressed as heavily as I. Some
even wore spring coats. The
lad
gant in their
vers, their stockings
and stylish They carried
colorful bags and illustrated
magazines, smoked cigarettes
and chattered and laughed
with a carefree air that has
never ceased го amaze me. It
was as though they knew
nothing of the existence of
world problems or eternal
questions, as though they had
never heard of death, sickness,

THE
LECTURE zu

he had planned
so carefully
for the journey,
but nothing could
have prepared him
for what he

s, no sheepskin coats, no
and no gendarmes. Nobody was eating bread
and lard. Nobody drank vodka from a bottle. No-
body was berating Jews for state treason. In fact,
nobody discussed politics at all. As soon as the
train started, a huge Negro in a white apron
came in and announced lunch, The trai not
iting, it glided smoothly on its rails along the
frozen Hudson. Outside, the landscape gleamed
with snow and light. Birds that remained here for
the winter flew busily over the icy river.

he farther we went, the w ier the landscape.
The weather seemed to change every few miles.
Now we went through dense fog, and now the air
cleared and the sun was shining again over silvery
distances.

A heavy snowfall began. It suddenly turned
dark. The day was flickering out. The express no
longer flew but crept slowly and cautiously, as
though feeling its way. The heating system in the
train seemed to have broken
down. It became chilly and
I had to put on my coat
The other passengers рге
tended for a while that they
did not notice anything, as
though reluctant to admit too
quickly that they were cold.
But soon they began to tap

boxes

sheepishly and rummage in
their valises for sweaters
scarves, boots or whatever else
they had brought along. Col-
lars were turned up, hands
stuffed into sleeves. The
make-up on women's faces
dricd up and began to peel
like plaster.

The American dream grad-

war, poverty, betrayal, or would find waiting ually dissolves and harsh
even of such troubles as miss- jor him Polish reality returns. Some-
ing a train, losing a ticket T one is drinking whiskey from
or being robbed. They flirted at its en a bottle. Someone is eating

c young girls, exhibiting bread and sausage to warm
their blood-red nails. The fiction his stomach. "There is also a

station was chilly that morn-
ing. but no one except my-
self seemed to feel it. I
wondered: Did those people
know that there had been
a Hider? Had they heard
of Stalin's murder machine? They probably had,
but what does one body care when another is
tortured?

1 was itchy from the woolen underwear. Now T
began to feel hor. But from time to time, a shiver
тап through my body. The lecture, in which I
predicted a brilliant future for Yiddish, troubled
me. What had made me so optimistic all of a
sudden? Wasn't Yiddish going under before my
very eyes?

The prompt arrival of American trains and the
сазе im boarding them have always seemed like
miracles to me. I remember journeys in Poland
when Jewish passengers were not allowed into
the cars and E had to hang onto the handrails.
way strikes when trains were halted
у for many hours and it was impossible
the dense crowd to push through to the washroom.

But here I was, sitting on a soft seat, right by
the window. The car was heated. There were no

By ISAAC BASHEVIS SINGER.

rush to the toilets. It is d
cult to understand how it
happened, but the floor of the
car becomes wet and muddy
The windowpanes become
crusted with ice and bloom

with frost patterns

Suddenly the train stops. I look out and see a
sparse wood, The trees are thin and bent, and
though they are covered with snow, they look bare
and charred, as after а fire. The sun has already
set, but purple stains still glow in the west. The
snow on the ground is no longer white, but violet.
Crows walk on it, flap their wings, and I can hear
their cawing. The snow falls in gray, heavy lumps,
as though the guardians of the Treasures of Snow
up above had been too lazy to flake it more finely.
Passengers walk from car to car, leaving the doors
open. Conductors and other train employees run
past; when they are asked questions, they do not
stop but mumble something rudely.

We are not far from the Canadian border, and
Uncle Sam's domain is virtually at an end. Some
passengers begin to take down their luggage: they
may have to show it soon to the Customs ofhcials. A
naturalized American (continued on page 294)

ILLUSTRATIONS ВУ PAUL GIOVANOPOULOS.

185

186

THE BOPPER BRIGADE

eight freshman commandos from the underbelly of the hippie horde who are destined to rise in the ranks

salire By JACK NEWFIELD and HOWARD SMITH

The film's middleaged financial backer
dithdently approaches the director. "I
don't want to interrupt the flow of your
creative juices, Andy, baby, but how
come you re using all this expensive Hol-
lywood equipment, but only that tiny
little camera?"

“Ic is only through the enigmatic four
dollar narrow-gauge camera that one can
pproach «һе Jerry Lewis tragicomic
symbolic glaucoma."

"How come there is no lens in
camera?'

“I don't ever want the intrusive lensic
quality to stultify the natural existential
spontaneity of the filmic medium.”

The backer, with mounting trepida-
tion, asks, “But can you see anyth
when you project it on the screen?”

"Screen? We don't use such a symbol
of Hollywood's vulgar commercialism as
a screen. We use a psychedelic silk
curtain. What yon see on the
n doesn't count. What's important
s benevolent, transcendental, strobo-

the

shower

is
THE COOL TYCOON: А $250,000 un- scopic light—the raw power of heavenly
derground epic film is about to Бе shot zap!

1 Greenwich Village. Hundreds of klicg
lights attached to the great arch cast
cerie shadows in the fountain. Micro
phones hang from the trees, Electrical

“Tell me this—what's happened with
some of the movies you've made?"

“Well, out of the ten I've made, the
last three have won the Lavender Fig
cables leading from huge g ors criss Newton—highest_ prize е pop pan-
cros the pavement. Over 200 paid extras, theon. One had an alktransvestite сам.
dressed in authentic Visigothic armor, fll И was about. Cinderella. She was played

the benches. One hundred union techni by a drag queen who turned out to be a
cians respond to commands shouted by dyke. Another prize winner was а very
Andy Anger, the IGyearold director, poignant film of Madame Nhu scratch-
through his megaphone. He is standing ing her fingernails on а blackboard for

atop an enormous crane t
into position. Attached to the top of the
crane is a tiny, battered. pre-War. 8mm
movie camera

"Quiet on the set—we're
shoot," orders the director.

The scene starts, The superstar of the
ndergound. Baby Jane Sedgwick,
dresed in a Red Guard cap and jacke
ed by a menacing, misshapen

is dollying hı hours. And my most recent spec
т, which will have its gala premiere
k, is a sixteen-hour split-screen
musical comedy based on the
dy Mossler murder trial."

"Are you sure you know what you're

about to

do you dare qu
ple of Syngman Rhe
and Charles (Sonny) Listo

rubber L.B.J. mas. “I didn't know those guys made
catches her under the arch, tears oll films.”
all her clothes and has her for a full five “They don’t. Irs the kind of movie
minutes right before the camera, which they'd make il they did make one that
ted directly at her lelt big toe. influenced me.”

‘I'm still not convinced you know

what youre doing. Ud like to reconsider

his boy my investment. Send all this equipment

director's back, give me all the film you've shot so

broidered on far and
"Film?"

JUUSTRATIONS GY WALLY нышлют

The director s
crane to whe:
Friday,
chair
the

les down the 100-foot
Jerry Ma

has his ver
The word GURU is е
ack

THE ULTIMATE SURFER: The blond.
on-bronze buoyant barefoot teenager with
chromed surfboard balanced on his head
is silhouetted against а forest of oil wells
outside Tulsa, Oklahoma. He is wearing
pollution-green-fowered beil-bottom jams
d has a gold chain around his neck
holding a medallion that pro.
BEAUTIFUL PERSON FOR PRESIDENT IN “f
He has gills and prehensile tocs. His
surfboard cost $17,000 (wholesale). It con
i raph with earphones;
spigots that dispense Coke, Pepsi, root
beer, wax and suntan lotion: sunstroke
pills: a rack with eight pairs of different
intensity sunglasses, and plastic water
wings. His name is Neptune Zimmerman
and he is the world’s only Jewish surfer
А county sheriff's car pulls up and an
astonished officer geis out, He assumes
that anyone dressed so weirdly on High
way 66 must be either а lost Cuban frog
man or a nudist civil rights marcher
Neptune puts down his board, being
careful not to block the sun's rays, and
greets the sheriff with a friendly “Aloha.
“Hey, nudenik” Ше sheriff
Where the hell do you think y
going without any clothes on?"
Fondling his $17.000 board, Zi
man explains, "Fm surfing my м:
around the world. 1 started at G

says.
те

m and

rode a tidal wave to Malibu. I rode

Old Faithful in Yellowstone Park. Now

I'm here waiting to ride a big black one.”

The sheriff answered. “Ride a big
>"

A gusher, man. A gusher.”
"p thought you guys skied in the

ocean.
“Oceans are for gremmies. I'm over-
stoked on curl soup cutout skeg first take-
off Banzai Pipeline south swell cross chop
mushy. After | catch my gusher, I'm
headed East to do some steep body surf-
ing at the Big Niagara. Then its all out-
ard bound for the great lava flow at
Mauna Loa. Gonna be the first mortal to
ride from the beach into the water.”
What have you been smoking?”
“Us surf people never smoke. By the
way, do you know if there are any sharks
in а gusher?” Neptune turns and from a
secret atment in the board, re-
- of zinc oxide ointment and

com
oves a tul

spreads it on his nose. the top of his ears,
his

his gills, his lips, his knuckles,
tongue, and then covers the rest of
self and the board with Coppertone.
‘The sheriff, sure that Neptune has just.
performed an indecent sex act, starts 10
place him under arrest. Before he can
the earth suddenly
rby
T well begins to spout and gush. Nep-
ıune grabs his board and, in a full тип,
Surf's up!"
ist seen. Neptune Zimmerman
ag wen on the big black onc
ng toward Phoenix. The next morn-
ing. Tulsa was swamped with 1800
surfers, all squatting by Highway 66,
wa e ninth gusher.

THE CAREER PICKETEER: Pudgy, 13-
yearold Terra Tactic stops alongside
Highway 6l Hibbing, Minnesota,
to put Clearasil on her acne and be inter-
viewed by the local press. She is in the
middle of a solitary protest march to com.
memorate Mario Savio's 25th birthday.

and white go-go boots marked н
HERS.

Terra's knapsack is ornamented with
fill-in-the-blanks political buttons, whose
first words are ABOLISH, DEFEND, HANDS
orr and киз. For, The knapsack con-
tains no make-up or clothes. Instead, it
is choked with a medium-sized mimeo-
graph machine, 12 reams of paper, a
postage meter and a valid American Ex-
press credit card stolen from her father’
corporation. There is also the following
reading material: The Prophet, Human
Sexual Response, MacBird, Kropotkin's
pamphlet on Lenin's position on women
id the last four issues of Spiderman.

In response to a reporters question.
Terra chronicles her beginning
with her birth on a picket line in front of
ng Sing in 1953. the day the Rosen-
bergs were executed. At age c
was in the first freedom ride to Jackson,
Mississippi. In 1962, she led the two-
month fast in the Hollywood Bowl to
protest Nixon's campaign for governor of
California. In 1963, she was expelled
from Miss Porter's finishing school after
an LSD trip-in. In 1964, she led a glutin
in front of the World Health Organiza-
tion in Geneva to protest the Nile poll
jon that was killing off crocodiles
alarming rate. It was during this glutan
that she gained 40 pounds and devel
oped a severe case of аспе

She spent most of 1965 receiving
intensive psychotherapy in the $853 day
Riggs Institute for the Living. Her par-
ents committed her after

n arrest for

attempting self-immolation by drenching
herself with Coca-Cola and singing
“Things burn better with Coke” in front

of the Billy Graham pavilion at the New
York World's Fair.

Shortly thereafter, the Ford Foundation
awarded her a grant to study prepubes-
cent alienation.

"How e your political beliefs
evolved during your five years as a pick-
єїсег?” asked one of the reporters.

“Politics is a bunch of crap. A girl like
me, fat and with acne, has to do very
weird things to be noticed by boys.”

n you go on marches for

ly. E figure. with all this walki
in the sun, I'll Jose weight and clear up
my pimples and maybe I'll meet a man
who wants me."

She hoists up her gear оп hunched
shoulders and staris plodding toward
Walla Walla. Suddenly, a large black
airconditioned chauffeur-driven Lincoln
with a low-number New
York license plate comes to a discreet

Continental

halt alongside her. Her balding father,
fur-coated mother and bearded

ana

the mother
enough, Your father's

right, al
Enough
not a well ma

The weeping Terra is swept into the
car, which silently tools east
Great Neck.

toward

THE YOUNG ПО!
screams Zealot Gu
through the door of the Mari
ng station, waving his gree
He stops at the entrance
flag, the sergeant and а гест
“I wanna join up with you leathernecks!”

‘The sergeant, thinking that at last
kl a boy who is eager to dic
is country, nps the
an's hand a

Eisenhower jacket is covered
with Korean war medals and buttons mg-
ing the bombing of Hanoi, Havana,
Greenwich Village and Berkeley

to join up. son?"

Zealot rolls up his sleeves to reveal a
tattoo of the Парт: ma on
onc thickly muscled biceps and corporal
stripes tattooed on the other. "We have
бо мор godless atheistic communism

from subverting the free world, шот}

with Audie Murphy and John М
digging those trenches with Alan Ladd
and Dana Andrews, nering with
Ronald Reagan and John Hodiak and
dying with Robert Mitchum and John
field, while planes zoom overhead
41 hundreds of buglers play taps.
How old are you, boy?" the serg
asks.

“Seventeen, 1 just graduated today

187

188

Rearmament Vocational

the sergeant remarks, He
then has Zealot fill out the forms and
sends him in to undress for his physical.

A few minutes later, Zealot reappears
wearing a white, hooded K. K. K. robe.

“Why the hell are you wearing that
sheet?” the bewildered sergeant asks.
them yellow gooks can fight in
amas, why can't I wear my bed

Suddenly, Zealot spies something out-
side. He leaps up and races into the
strect, where he grabs a small Chinese
man. He pummels him, knocks him
down with a karate chop and shouts:

V.C.—V.C. 1 got one.” Zealot then
brutally tortures his terrified victim
to find out where the local Viet Cong
positions are located.
ished, Zealot returns to the recruit-
ing station humming The Marine's
Hymn and again salutes the startled ser-
gc Mission accomplished, General."

“What'd you do that for?" the ser
geant asks. “That's only Sun Yat Starch,
the guy who owns the hand laundry next
door, where | send my shirts.”

But, General—
m sorry, boy, we're goin
to classify you Section Eight.

Zealot exits, vowing to have Senator
Dodd investigate the “liberal pinko
homosexual dope-fiend Asiaticdupe paci-
ist" takeover of the Marines

Zealot then sprints to the пеам pub-
lic telephone and dials the War Resist

псе League. "Staughton? It worked. I
dodged the draft.”

to have

THE LAST SOUL SINGER: A fruit
truck stops in front of the Brill Building,
the mecca of pop music. Six-foot-four
nd Lemon Ci shambles olf the
crates in the back of the truck.

ood luck, kid,” the driver says as he
ds him his battered, homemade 12-
“This is the big time."
ters toward. the building

Chidin

but You've Dane Broke Down. He
passér-by to lead him to the build
rectory, where he feels around the raised
letters on the board, His finger tips catch
the name of the Soul Grits Record Com-
pany Ltd.

Filled with blind hope, Blind Lemon
confronts the chairman of the board of
Soul Gritts Ltd.—Irving Grits.

Inving, an executive at 15, is vibrating
gently behind a golden LP-shaped desk
in his yete-fur electrolounger, feet out-
stretched to exhibit his hand-tooled Day-
Glo pink paisley vinyl elf boots He
sports a brocade vest (worm open to
allow for the ruffles on the front of his
d opalescent chartreuse bermu-
h a platinum key chain fastened
at the waist. His straight blond hair cas-
cades to his shoulder blades, framing a
sallow, microbiotic face.

He is doodling dollar signs as he talks
on three Scandinavian pedestal phones
at once to Erik Jacobsen, Tim Leary and
his high school geometry teacher. He
gestures Blind Lemon to a chai
ble to see the gesture, Blind Lem
on impatiently shuffles his feet in place
as he waits for some word from Irving
Gr

"Go plug in," Irving demands.

“Plug in, man, 1 don't even turn on. 1
just wanna sing my blues." Blind Lemon
says, clutching his guitar. "My momma
was Bessie Smith, my poppa was Lead-
belly. and 1 can sing my blues.

"Sorry, baby, Im mot familiar with
them. Did they ever have anything on
the charts?"

“I just hitched up from Greenwood.
play some delta

Well. Simon and Garfunkel are cut
ting a record this aft'noon and they need
guitarist. “Their regular was electro-
aned at the last session.”
"Simon and who?”
You don't know Simon and Garfun
kel? Man, you got no culchah! No soul!
"No soul, man? Why, I was pick
couon at three, singi a sanctified
church at five, la
at seven, T went blind at thirtee
started. sharecroppin at eighteen
“Look, you don't play electr
you don't know
you cven dress fu id you got cot-
ton balls in your ears. And besides, you
gotta have a funkier name than Blind
Lemon Chitlin—something like Sop
with Camel, Texas Book Depository
Building, Lothar and the Hand People,
Rabble Without a Cause or Lite Bud-
dha and the Dropouts.
Blind Lemon spends the next four
hours in the Brill Building trying to get
ast the secretaries of the other record
—Red Beans LSD Music;
by Chain Gang Records; Banana

guitar,
а Garfunkel,

Lidi; Surf and Soul Songs; Hi
ny and Harmony; Amps Ohms
Revolt.

Dejected, he sits on the curb in from
of the Brill Building. To his guitar, he
moans, "Baby, there ain't no love in a
white man’s skyscraper.”

Dylan Darlin’, the 12-year-old
the Brill Building, gets off his ch
driven Honda and stops in his tracks.
"What'd you say. boy?" he excla

"Baby, there ain't no love
man's skyscraper.
ап ойу but goldy

shouts Darlin’.
fifty-thousand-dollar. contract."
The youthful genius immedi

changes his discovery's name to Realemon
and the Bad Secda group made up
of Blind Lemon and the three younge
children of the notorious Gallo gang

Within a mon time, true to Dar
lin’s vision, the group is number one on
the chars in 18 countries—including
South Africa—and pop music is revolu
cd by the dela

FIT ШТ

letter was found in the debris of a large
Bel Air home that had been destroyed
by а fire caused by an ехріс һа
homemade chemistry lab. A reading of
the letter will reveal yet another aspect
of the rampant bopper culture

Dear Mommas

Here at Camp Ааа, thi
pretty groovy. There's plenty of grass at
Pillbrook and we take two trips every
day. My counselor, Ed Sanders, is a nice
enough guy ls us bed
time stories from the Tibetan Book of
the Dead.

The best thing about this place is that
the counselors are out of sight. Gerd
tern teaches arts and cralts—you should
see my lightpulsition, mandalashaped
ceramic-tile “10 older. Ralph Ginz
burg edits the camp newspaper. Norman
Mailer is the (continued on page 242

nd. Popp:

gs are still

ГЕ on the Right to

a u.s. supreme court justice expresses his grave concern over
the escalating invasion of a basic constitutional guarantee

THE RIGHT OF PRIVACY, greatly cherished in the American tradition, is
fast disappearing. We pay lip service to it and yet dishonor it in prac-
tice. As we pile high in apartments, as electronic surveillance increases,
as the tentacles of government spread, Big Brother invades the pre-
cincts of our homes, audits our conversation and looks more and more
over our shoulder,

‘The right of privacy—the right that Justice Brandeis called “the
right to be let alone"—is nowhere expressly mentioned in the Consti-
tution or Bill of Rights. But it is that right that many express guaran-
tees or prohibitions protect.

Police can enter a house and seize certain articles, provided they
have a warrant issued by a magistrate who is satisfied that there is
probable cause that a crime has been committed. Police can also
make arrests on such a showing. But the Fourth Amendment makes
a man's home his castle and his person secure against arrests on sus-
picion or for investigation or for preventive purposes, as 15 done in
some countries. These are important rights of privacy.

4 here are other constitutional areas of privacy. Every person has
the right to free exercise of religion; and no religious test or require-
ment may be made a requirement for holding a public office, These
guarantees in the First Amendment and in the body of the Constitu-
tion itself create enclaves that neither the states nor the Federal Gov-
ernment may enter. They may not legislate respecting them; and since
they are not legitimate objects of legislation, no legislative committee
may explore them nor probe them,

“To what church do you belong?" “Do you attend regularly?"
“Do you believe in God?" These and like questions are none of the
Government's business; the citizen can refuse to answer with impunity.

Freedom of speech has an aura of privacy. The First Amendment
guarantees against Goyernment abridgment of both freedom of speech
and freedom of assembly. Nothing is said about freedom of association.
It is implied, however. Freedom of assembly connotes a coming togeth-
er of people—one form of association. Freedom of speech connotes not
oral pronouncement alone but a whole congeries of various methods of
expression. Joining a social, economic or political group is one method.
Subscribing to a paper or a journal is another. Meeting and conversing
with people are others. Believing, espousing, endorsing are still others.

“Do you believe in the United Nations?” “What are your views
on Medicare?” “Do you endorse socialism?” “Did you yote for Henry
Wallace?" "Are you against the segregation of races?" “Did you march
in protest to our Vietnam policy?” “Do you read New Republic or
Pravda or the Daily Worker?" These are none of government's busi-
ness and are beyond the pale. For beliefs and reading habits are in
the keeping of the individual and outside the reach of Big Brother.

Political partis, social groups, civil rights committees, trade unions,
farmers’ federations all have membership lists. ‘Their disclosure usually
would be harmless to anyone, So, normally, the management and the
members would not hesitate to make them public. At times, however,

article By JUSTICE WILLIAM O. DOUGLAS

ILLUSTRATION BY JOE VENO

emotions may run high, the group may be unpopular, the majority's demand for disclosu
in purpose or effect to cause harm to the members. A group may be organized to promote
to litigate for the desegregation of public schools, parks and beaches. Those from Columbia, Yale, City €
lege and Cornell who go to some areas in our country to contest racial discrimination may be ci ed, jostled
or run out of town. But since their appearance is transitory, usually no abiding harm is done. But those mem-
bers who liye in the area, giving the movement silent, spiritual help or financial support, may be greatly
arassed and damaged if disclosure of their members| is made. They might lose their jobs; their bank loans
might be called or not renewed; their club memberships, lost; and the like. The freedom to associate in that
cause might then become so downright dangerous as to be worthless.

That is the basic reason disclosure of a membership list is not an absolute prerogative of government.
The right to belong is kin to the right to believe. As I said, joining is one method of expressing one's ideas, of
affirming one's beliefs, of pledging allegiance to a cause. This right to associate, though nowhere expressed in
the Constitution or Bill of Rights, is a phase of the right to privacy, falling within the penumbra of the
Bill of Rights. and is as fully protected as free speech itself.

One may ask, what, then, about a criminal syndicate? Are its members also clothed in constitutional im-
y? OF course not. And the question and answer mark an important constitutional line.

There was a time when imagining the death of a king, that is, wishing the old boy were dead,
crime. It was the most heinous of all crimes—treason—and punishable by death. Punishing thoughts, wishes.
hopes and beliefs marked one of the bloodiest chapters in Anglo-American history.

Jefferson said that this crime of constructive treason “had drawn the blood of the best and honestest men
in the kingdom." Indeed, men were executed merely for uttering treasonable words.

What the politicians did, the theologians did also. Heresy was expressing disbelief in the orthodox
heresy was dissent; heresy was espousing a nonconformist creed that made the establishment angry.

‘These chapters on treason and heresy were well known in America when the Constitution and Bill of
Rights were drafted and adopted. They were the main reason one’s ideas, beliefs, faith and ideology were put
beyond the reach of government. Government, Jefferson averred, had no rightful concern with those mat-
ters. It could step in only when ideas moved from the realm of thought into the realm of action. Overt acts
were all that could be punished.

Jefferson said: “The opinions of men are not the object of civil government, nor under its jurisdiction.
. -. It is time enough for the rightful purposes of civil government for its officers to interfere when pri
ciples break out into overt acts against peace and good order

Thus, the definition of treason in our Constitution requires proof of overt acts—not one but two to the
same act of treason, save for a confession in open court.

This Jeffersonian concept, as applied to criminal syndicalism, for example, has two faces: One may, with
immunity, wish, hope and pray that the regime will fall, and campaign to that end. Yet when he moves into
action, collects hand grenades, prepares caches of rifles, organizes to assassinate the President, conspires to
overthrow the Government by force, and the like, he steps over the nd the right of privacy vanishes.
Then the membership lists and the right to privacy lose their constitutional immunity; for the Constitution
sets up no haven for illicit activities.

"Those who disagree point to the Self-Inc nation Clause of the Fifth Amendment, which reads, “No
person . . . shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself.” This clause does create
a zone of privacy, even for those suspected of crime; and it has been criticized on that ground. But it also
serves a high purpose. It has roots deep in experience. There was a day when the prosecution could make its
case out of the mouth of the accused. The man who stood mute when asked to plead was presumed to plead
guilty. But his silence often reflected not guilt but contempt for the judicial regime. Torture and other forms
of coercion were used to make men confess.

The Persians shaved the suspect's head, locked it in a stock and then poured hot lead on it.

The Chinese, under Chiang Kai-shek, put the suspect on a rack and stretched his legs until he confessed.

Hitler used the dentist chair, drilling through live teeth; and New York City police did the same.

In Washington, D.C., men were stripped, tied to a table and burned with live cigars.

Trujillo in the Dominican Republic set fire to women’s hair and burned their arms with live cigarettes.

Texans took men into the woods at night, placed nooses around their necks and hoisted them into trees.

The French in Algeria attached electrodes to the testicles and gave a series of shocks until the desired
confession came.

No people have been exempt from these coercive practices.

Torture produces unreliable confessions, as cach person has a “breaking point” and can suffer pain only
up to that point. We also know that everyone has a “consciousness of guilt.” No life is blameless. And at times
the sense of guilt—not over the crime being investigated but over some unrelated or remote transgressions—
bubbles up and one confesses to a crime he never committed. Moreover, a certain percentage of people
have a desire to die, and confessing to a capital offense is an easier course than suicide. (continued on page 244)

Jr.

“Who said that blondes have more fun?!”

a words-and-pictures appreciation of cinema city's cottontailed hutch honeys

тик FIRS-FLOOR Playmate Bar of the Los Angeles Playboy Club creates a lively sense of déjà vu i
reader. Among the collection of bigger-than-centerfold transparencies set into the room's walnut paneling are most
of the dozen-plus past and present Hollywood Playmate-Bunnies—including the nine gatefold girls who currently
don satin ears each night. The number, a record among all the Clubs in the key chain, is a testament to the remark-
able ability of both the Hollywood hutch and Southern California to attract beautiful girls.

And the unique aura—lent to the southwesternmost outpost of the Playboy Empire by the profusion of Playmate-
Bunnies—also attracts dozens of beautiful non-Playmates, such as Bunny Kathy Foster. Late in the morning on most
days of the week—no matter what the season—Kathy can be found on one of the miles-long stretches of sand in Long
Beach, south of L.A. She'll be body surfing, walking or perhaps just gazing out at the Pacific horizon. At three or
four in the afternoon, having acquired a yet deeper cast to a tan that makes her pageboy burst of blonde hair as bright
as the California sun, Kathy walks 300 yards inland to her surfside home. After donning street clothes, she jumps into
her Mustang and—"minutes before the rush hour"—freeways the 35 miles to the Sunset Boulevard site of the West
Coast Playboy Building, a cream-and gray, ten-story tower on a ridge overhanging (text continued on page 289)

any PLAYBOY

Bikinied Linda Ridgway loves the ocean (her light mood was caught at Torrey Pines Beach in Son Diego), Tolstoy and eating watermelon
without a napkin—a trio of affections as disormingly original os the mood of the whole West Coast today and the Bunnies of Hollywood in
particular. Mirror-imaged Kathy Foster is one of the Loz Angeles Club's numerous sportscar buffs and body surfers. In their film-career
ambitions, international beauty Tonya Terän and silhouetted Bunny Marilyn Kendall typify another Hollywood Bunny characteristic. Tanya
ployed on several South American stages and native Angeleno Marilyn majored in drama and dance at Los Angeles County College. 195

Brooklyn-born De Rustell—smiling below ond en route fo o toble of thirsty

keyholders—wos on Eost Cooster for four short years but con't imagine
going back. "Where else but in Hollywood could | be о Bunny, get a crack
at TV and film acting and still go surfing oll the year roune

Bunny Judy Ryder spent her West Virginia ond Indiana childhood following
the cue of her surname to become a trophy-winning horsewoman. “1 also
studied dance for ten years.” Judy says. a bit of information that explains

grace with which she carries her 37-25-37 figure on Club rounds.

Poolside Bunny Suzanne McDonald deplaned from a stewardess job for the chance
to don Bunny ears. “As а Bunny, I've got the bosi of both worlds,” Suzanne says, “with

exciting evenings and all day free for swimming." Enthroned Heidi Becker ond
sun-struck Pal Wright both made centerfold appearances before joining the Club.

Blonde Chere Davis deserted Las Vegas when the desert

proved too dull. “I'm a Long Beach native,” Chere says, “and
won't leave the ocean again.” Making а bright Club debut this
h Bunny Sandy Molen, above. Marianna Case,

ies her tie in bustling Bunny dressing room.

Playmate-Bunny Astrid Schulz indulges in luxurious relaxation at home before head-

ing off to her VIP Room duties. Asirid—a champion gymnast in her native Holland
—is on enthusiastic scuba diver. Blonde Melba Ogle was working in o butcher shop
when she became Miss July 1964, now concentrates on modern dance. Amateur
songsiress Sophia Sipes has delighted keyholders in both Phoenix and Hollywood.

Bunny Sam Moorman, pausing beside fountoin af the
L. A. County Museum of Art, is runner-up to Richard
Nixon as Whittier, California's mast famous export,
moonlights in light opera. Seen af ease on а balcony,
at play at the Club, Playmote-Bumper-Pool Bunny
Sharon Rogers come West from aur Chicago offices.

Voriely is, indeed, the spice of life for Hollywood keyholders and the girls themselves. Pert Lynde McDaniel colls herself o "beoch rat,"

loves the night life of the Club ond the Colifornic-Nevada resort of Loke Tahoe. The quiet pleosures of chess ond softly sung folk bollods
fill the free hours of Ploymaie-Bunny Vicky Valentino; while Donna Hoos, reloxing below, is a hoppily hard-working Bunny and TV model.

Bunny Ana Lizze's rich beauty complements the LeRoy Neiman originals ond vel-
vet banquettes of the Hollywood Club's VIP Room. The three other coitontails
here Christine Willioms (above), Nancy Scot (below) and Gwen Wong—all belong
to the remarkably large collection of Hollywood Playmate-Bunnies who give a
unique quality to the Club. Christine settled in Los Angeles affer eight years abroad
and a shart stint as a Vegas showgirl. When no! soaring in а glider, Nancy uses
free fime to scout for and refinish antiques; while Gwen's out-ofClub hours are
highlighted by extended trips to California’s deserts and its Big Sur country.

why napoleon erected the obelisk xia c

true artist in his work
will never create two jars that are exact-
ly alike. According to his materials or his
mood. he must always vary the shape.
the texture or the glaze. Allah,
in his infinite artistry, can likewise never
create two things that are exactly alike
will thas find that even the
villages of Anatolia, however
monotonous! their immediate
ippearance, are all different in some way,
if you only take the trouble to study
them carefully. The village of Bok Köy,
lor instance, is thus named “Village of
Turds.” like many other such settlements
built on the banks of a sluggish, n
odorous and evil-colored stream, But the
particular village of Bok Köy of which
| am now thinking distinguishes itself
from all other Turkish villages of the
same name in that all its male inhabit-
ants are endowed with quite remarkable
physical gifts

Many young age of
Bok Köy have thus wandered far from
home and amassed great wealth in dis
nt cities where the women are rich and
One of t

A porrer who

the color

and you

distant
similar

ncn from our vil

wanton m, for instance, went
as {лг as Hindustan, where he lived hap:
pily and in great luxury for many years

as the prince consort of a sacred со

curiously neurotic beast that, in а regres-

sive mood, had developed a taste for the
hum

partners to which it had been ac
customed in а previous incarnation as а
Roman empress, a certain Messalina. But
in ceasing to be human and in becoming
а cow. the unfortunate empress had also
changed her whole proportions. so u
ı young man [rom Bok Köy could
her

only

ow satisfy

nostalgic pasion lor
human partners.

Though that may be legend, the tale
that [am about to relate is founded on
historical fact and attested by
ment as well as by reliable chronicles
dl the letters and diaries of contempo:
rary It concerns. moreover, а
young man from Bok Koy who, in rcla
tively recent. times. wandered from his
native village in eastern Anatolia as far
as El Kahira, the capital of Egypt, be
fore anything truly remarkable hap-
pened то him. He arrived shortly before
the occupation of the city by the French
uoops of the Emperor. Napoleon, who
had gone forth to conquer the lands in
habited by the faithful and
proposed to set a live pig on a throne. as

a monu

witnesses,

who even

his viceroy, in the sacred city of Mecca.
Fortunately, mad as the ages in which
we are destined to live may be. Маро

chieved his
before beir

leon never
bition. But,

sacrilegious am
defeated in

assic a Turkish tale

Egypt. he added to his personal staff. in

menial offices, a ccrta aber of the
faithful, among them our young man
Irom Bok Köy. Muzafler Özaltin, born of

family known for its great loyalty and

therefore named Özilin, meaning “pure
gold.”

Menial as his tasks were, Muzaffer
who had daily to shine the emperor's

riding boots. soon attracted his master’s
attention by his modest demeanor and
his loyalty. It thus came to pass that
emperor, when he forced ıo
return to France, took the boy with him
10 Paris, to be a kind of decorative blac
his court. I

the was

moor a

Paris, the boy soot
became aware of the corruption of the
emperor's entourage. As the proverb
5s. When the cats away. the mice will
play—and Napoleon was a cat who was
very often away on campaigns to
conquer the world.

Muzaffer was the

his

to observe that
his lord and master’s wife, the Empress
Josephine, was a mouse of a particular
ly playful nature, the moment Napo
leon's back was turned. But he feli ıl
the male mice with which she chose to
play were scarcely of a kind that m
be considered worthy of the only wife of
so great a conqueror. Besides. Muzaffer
knew, from his own experience

able

205

PLAYBOY

206

frequent clandestine visitor to certain bad-
ly disciplined harems of the wanton city
of El Kahira, that he could successfully
compete, even at hi ge ol 15
summers. with nour, wharever
the laute се or religion; also that no

Egyptian wile whom he had secretly
consoled in the absence of a debauched
amd winedrinking husband had ever

heen led to regret her indiscretions by
having to present to her Arab husband а
child born with the suspiciously round
head and blunt features of the Turkish
g the elongated skull and the
5 Р features of the Arabs, So. Мигайег
began to play with the idea of defending
his French lord a "s honor by
becoming, in the emperor's many cm
forced absences. the discreet and harm-
les paramour of the wanton empress.
But the empress, being idle and wanton,
litated his proposal by her own initia-
tive, long before Muzalfer had decided
specific. pli tion.

It all came ıo pass as follows, In. those
s. the officers of the armies of the
fidels wore uniforms of a cularly

"modest design, with tight docskin
breeches that left nothing to the imagi-
mation of the unveiled ladies of the
French cout. Many of these young
officers. not being endowed with the
physical charms that might ensure them

success with the wives of their superic

and consequent advancement in their
careers, relied. on them. tutors to supply
them with artificial padding cunningly
inserted in the proper places. One such
pificer, in every other respect a real
broth of a boy, h tracted the atte

tion of the empress. who then summo
him. without further ado, to while aw;
am afternoon with her jn her apartments,
her parine ne of dominoes,
On such S. и ow Ми,
duty. shocked аз the boy might. be by all
that he witnessed. to stand by and bring
freshments, such as Turkish collec,
whenever these were required.
АП went well that day between the
empress and the young captain. who al
pid promotion to the
until the empress. а
ways very bold with her hands, made a
surprise attack on her partner's more in-
пе charms. To her horror, her expe
encountered, however, а
Ду recognized as

occisi

Г lesh, Laughing, she
the
«T

summoned) Muzafer and to pu

һ ro shame, exclaimed:
than ve

young сар
bet this boy is a better m
n she reached toward Muzaller. to
put her wager to the test, the bov
thought at fsi that he would die of
shame on the spot. But male flesh is in
some respects weak and he
sponded to the immodest caresses of the
empress, who expressed her delighted.
ise by dismissing the captain with
t further comment and retiring to her
bedchamber with Muzatler.

Hamiliated by his own discomfiturc,
the сараї kept all that he had wit-
nessed to himself. The French court only
noticed that the empress had become
overnight more reticent, dignified
modest, while at the same time seeming
less restless. more content with her fare

as ап abandoned wife. Act
after night. Muzaller lay w in
her imperial bed. ollering until dawn

innumerable satisla з
On € emperor returned. from
one of his many victorious c
loo w greet the
But he soon noticed, in ihe days that
ensued, what was aloon: His wife had
failed to greet him with her accustomed
list of proposed promotions in the
peria) armies and. instead, his young
blackamoor Muzaffer. whose demeanor
remained in every other respect as mod-
est and respectful as before, was now her
constant companion and the owner of
innumerable fantastic costumes such as
the infidels fondly believe that Moslems
wear on daily rounds.
Far from being at
emperor w
tion. The
Egypt. to

I jealous, the
s charmed by so much discre
poor man had learned. in
ppreciaie the folly of women

nd the wisdom of Eastern customs, In
more progressive lands, the wives of great

and powerful lords are quite. properly
housed like rare binds in harems like
golden cages. to protect them.
the consequences of ther own wanton
idleness, while the wives of the less fortu
nate among the faithful are kept health
ly In nthe fields or weaving
rpets. Unfortunately, the etiquette ol
French cout had prevented Napo
lean from supplying the empress with
Iwo or three other wives and а whole
crowd of concubines to keep her mind at
usual intrigues of a great
m, all properly supervised by a corps
of trusted and experienced eunuchs. Na-
poleon therefore greeted. Muzaffer's for-
Tunes as ince they were
obviously a leser evil. The emperor said
nothing and, having returned to Paris for
only а brief visit between two victorious
campaigns. decided 16 devote his 1
to much-needed and

ast his o

it happened that
all usurpers, 1 s among

ical noblemen who were still
devoted 10 the cause of the exiled heirs

of the deposed amd beheaded French
monarchs who had preceded him on the
throne. Among these conspiring noble-

mer pageboy of the
who knew his way

notice if he ma
there. Secretly. d
the emperor's personal guard, this man
set out one night io murder the e
He entered the imperial apartme
was about to steal past the slecpi
quarters of the empress in order to асер

ed to ol
guise as a member of

into Napoleon's own. room, situated far-
ther down the passige, when he heard
sounds, emerging from the room where
the empress Tay, that led him to believe
that the emperor was there, fulfilling his
duties as а husband. The conspirator
therefore penetrated, with catlike tread,
into the bedchamber of the empress. and
was just able то discern, in the dark. a
male figure embracing Her Imperial

Highness. In a flash, he stabbed the m
in the back, with а thrust that would
have killed immediately any man. less

hardy than one of the Tu
Bok Köy.

Infuriated by this interruption in his

kish boys of

dutiful pleasures as much as hy the pain
of his wound, Muzalfer. merely
turned his head, snatched the dagger out

ad exclaimed. in the
ic terms of
alect such as only
“You scion of a long
pd unknown.

of his ow
immodest
his native А

line of prosti
porkgobbling I

ig? Since wl
mitt this land of infidels whose be-
getters are mostly unknown and whose
be fit to empry pisspots
п. to attack a
im this sacred. tash

Horrified by this torrent of incompre-
hensible and guttural abuse, the mui
derer fled screaming from the room, woke
the negligent we guards and was
prompily ar ıl shot. As for
Maler. he calmly continued. 10 give
the empress her customary eight si
factions. then rose, streaming with blood
wd scarcely able to breathe, from rhe
imperial bed: he picked up the bloody
dagger that lav beside it on the foo
staggered out of the room and down the
pesage. then entered the emperors
room, stumbled over a chair, woke the

emperor fiom his sleep. cast. himself at
his decr and died there оп the spot,
begging Гог forgiveness.

The emperor was so deeply moved by
the boys remarkable endurance and
loyalty that he determined 10 commemo-
rate the by his
apital, а
bered that

m
L He reme
| persuaded

incident
ble
chacolosist hi

Monumen

him to bring back from Egypt at gres
expense an enormous sione obelisk tha
had never proven to be of much use. He

ordered, the very next day, that it be
brought forth from the warehouse where
it had been stored, and he ar
have it erected in a great square
center of the city. without any
i might bring 10 memory the
more amusing circumstances of this tragic
tale. Today, innumerable elderly Ameri-
can kidy tourists squint through their

tion 1

spectacles at this beautiful: monument
without ever being at all aware of the
great physical prowes and the tragi

it commemorates,
—bkilouard. Roditi

loyalty d

ӯ Е

REALY, HARRY...
You SHOULDNT
HAVE

FoR HEAVENS SAKE,
GET To THE PoinT!

WELL, HERE
GOES NOTHING

EVER NOTICE
How Some PEOPLE
Look LIKE THEIR PETS?

SYMBOLIC SEX

more sprightly spoofings of the signs of our times

humor By DON ADDIS

HAH, TORO!

ARE You SURE SHE ISNT A UTE
To MUCH. WOMAN FoR You 2

Q сс

THis Мойт
HURT A BIT

Time!

207

My BROTHER сате last night to say
goodbye. [am 24. He is 20. 1 don't
готту about the Army. because 1 have a

- and a son, 14 months old. He
doesn't worry about the Anny, because
цо theft, one for-

he has a record: one
gery. one insanely bungled safe heist.
Two out of three. felonies. One year pa-

He's not sup-

Jersey, bur when
he's do ally. he drops by to
talk. He rings my bell and wakes me up.

Last night—this morning—he ¢
three: tan, pinktinted sunglasses
can h Is, Dy h tresses, two weeks”

growth of downy hair along his cheeks.
He threw some pillows down in the big
toom (he likes to sit on the floor) and

jormous Sherlock Holmes pipe.
med to smoke with you once

him whe
what he pl
he smiled
Га have to wait until he fi
He pased me the pipe. Or
never smol

“West.” he said on rhe exhale, a
then he breathed deeply in and out a
few times. nodding serenely. "Catch. fish.
See lowers. Do my thing:

1 emptied
who was sul
pered, so a

ng to and
ed. but
d. telling me
shed toking.

and asked
We whis-

тоот), my film workshop, with Michael's
crib in the corner. and then a Tittle bed-
room. for me and Jessic

“Who's subsidi
asked rhetorically. 1
"People Women. They give you wh:
they have. You don't need much.” He
reached imo the pocket of his coat
(he never takes his coat off in the house)
nd drew out a thick roll of bills, “F sold
everything. Even my bike,” he said, and

aco now Allen
z lor the pipe.

L graduaed from Chi
ago; my vile went to Ап

o tec v
1. Now she's

A STRANGER

n the Movement for $95 a we

Movement hangeron, you qmi
Making a Movement movie: very low
status, We get a little money from her

parems, which is why Im ser
ıd four nights а week 1
Hen didn't get through
he'd passed 19; four dif-

about subsidies,
drive а cab.
high schools
ferent ones, plus one yeshiva, He cut a
lot and became a delinquent. Нез not
into delinquency anymore, though
“Peruse Thoreau?” he said, fini
nother toke
except th k. Cleaned
out his pad. Hold it. I think it may have
been a paperweight. Anyway, he'd sit
there and contemplate it, until it started
to freak him, Then he chucked it out the
window." Allen made а noise that can
only be described as a blissful groan. He
evidently admired Thoreau. Actually, he
admires me, too. I'm a borderline case:
cubed but with roundable edges: engag
but uncertain, E have no special thin
Haight-Ashbury, but I'm not mns a
cops. either. Allen and I сан reli
Allen said,

“Tm Thoreau. but with a
t. All he
fond

amed 10 count
up there

wad. Geollrey
had а

ne for. D we
ell, but he was snowing a little n
` СеоПгеу is my other brother. As
er of fact. he doesn't worry about
Too old. He came of
ape smack between
m; he still thi
the enemy. Нез mot e
bur sinwe
ing a number of
nging out at Mal-
s and Elaine's. Even though he's in
advertising, he has some immortal long-
ings (he likes to talk about “really making
it’) and he lends me money two or three
times а year. Probably he lends All
even more often. Once, after the auto
theft. when Allen w: id to call our
parents, Geoff put up a fairly immense
m

sce me again, but he was intent on hi
mes, He asked me how long I

it was easy
to drop out of the
rat-race;
the hard part

was explaining it

fiction By JACOB BRACKMAN

PLAYBOY

210 overload, He's just a little. Kid.

thought my bread would hold out and T
told him twenty or cighty years, depend-
ing on how much I gave away. It might
not be so long. though. gave away
pout three hundred оп my way down.
town. That roll is like a stone in my pock-
ct; like a bigas paperweight bringing

me down.”
He stood up and started weaving
about, smiling wildly. At first, 1 thought

he might be looking for the toilet in the
middle of the room, but then he stum-
bled—it was quite graceful for a stum-
ble, really—into our tiny kitchen
emerged some 45 seconds later wi
large flowered serving dish. Hc began
tapping the pipe ashcs out onto the dish,
but in the middle of the task. he seemed
to forget its functional purpose
simply rapping out a loud Hare Krishna
rhythm,

Michael started whimpering
instant, Allen looked on the verge
apology. Instead, he spread his
ight out—I wasn't sure whether
ation of crucified
jectionate Yiddish
med, "Well, he lad 10 say bye
Cle Alle

When you wa
night, you can kis
steep. He's a crier, my son.
Fourteen months old; I must raise him
wrong. Too lenient, 1 lifted him from the
crib, seesawing paternally from the hips,
and started for the kitchen to hunt up a
boule. Allen waylaid us. He rose up
slowly from a crouch—putling out his
cheeks, bugging out his eyes grabbed
several fingersful of Michael's. tummy
fesh in a luxuriant pinch and drawled

ke Michael after mid-
ay your morning

A kuetcher.

“Kinnnawhhhorvaaa” in a fervent.
baso profundo. Zero Mosel escaping
genie-style Irom a Coke bottle. Michacl
sputtered, as though a pillow had been
stuffed into his open mouth. И was
weird. He's named after my father, even

ough Jews aren't supposed 10 do that,
Actually, my father is Mikhail, but every-
one calls him Mike

‘You're cmit
he’s tun

ng orgone stases and
them in,” Allen said maner-

He's

ol-factly, no Reichian—he doesn't
believe half the crap he says, Т don't
think. He just believes things not alto-

gether ише what he says. In any Case.
he and Michael were reaching out for
cach other like long separated lovers in a
gadeB movie, Pm casily embarrassed
by these filial rejections. 1 relinquished
my son. who instantly w m
ше arms around Alle . Mlen
carried. him over to the corner. ‘The two
of them faced the wall and Michael
quieted down some more.

“The first was just some cold water in
ce,” Alle whispered, h
the Zen m:
рїнє the void. You
ght to set him in front of a blank wall
ice in а while. Cleanse out that. sensory
Then

nec

the

back to me. “A zetz fro
ter. Now we conte
ou

ar. He
endless
Hebrew
tening

ag in his
tamir, the
i finishes a
ш and str

Allen stated humi
маме! hummi
melodic chant ti
Sabbath meal, bendi

at the knees and rocking forward at the
ist, like an orthodox Hasid. Michael
gently along, stroking Allen's

woolly hair on the downbeat. 1 moved
closer to hear the lyrics, over and охе

“Remember the star that went over
the manger?

It means simply this: You can dance
with a stranger.”

My brother likes to mi

Hen had somehow flicked the golden
switch that urns my son off, Michael
didn't utter another. cheerless sound for
the rest of the night. “Babies love me,”
Allen said. “They have radar.”

What's the хе

"Tm the secret. I'm а baby.” Michael
cuddled against his chest, burying
mouth i lable beard.

"Maybe 1 should stop shaving,” 1 said.

Allen wrinkled his nose and shook his
head, as though I'd proposed bening a
bundle on a lame horse. 1 could see thick
ls of Michael's spittle in his ch
s My so tch. When he's
happy, he drools. thing il
you ain't got the moves. You, you're still
all strung ош. Bad karma. We pick th
up. Let me lay it on you. It's not just like
this with kids. | know thirty houses from
here to the Coast, I can walk in this m
ute, they'll feed me and bed me
spread money on me and I'm doing th
а favor. I walk in the room
never set eyes оп me throw their arms
around me. We connect. Гле got the an-
эмет. They know who Ia

T was about to ask who runs these es-
blishments, but before I could, Allen
answered. “Kids! Babies!) Some very

rich; share. Communal head bending.
have looked startled at his antici-
pati question, because Allen. burst
out laughing and Michael was
now fiddling with the b
laughed. too. "Thats been happe
lately,” he said reverently. "Since 1 flew
back from. Yelapa. For a month and a
half I dropped three caps а day, or shot
speed. I got some kind of X ray. In this
sad country l'm а criminal and a bum,
but in the Himalayas, ГА be a god."
You're eazy.” 1 said.

know,” Allen said, absolutely car-

must

style. he

Squatting Yogi dragged
deeply on the pipe, his inhale sounding
like last waters running quickest ош of
the bathtub, and rolled his eyes upward
in mischievous supplication. He began to
while he held his breath, its

by some incredible stroke of luck he'd
sucked in all the sweet fumes. 1 none

of the foul, He gestured to me s
ger thar he had something to say

his toke was completed, something mo-
mentous, in case, perhaps, 1 was thinking
of running off to the bathroom. ‘Then he
exhaled in а proud, smiling explosion. 1
saw him do the exhalation a dozen
years ago at camp, after а full. minute
under wat
"Insani

isn't

condition, you
Lco." he gasped, still out of br
a word that describes a condition. Now.
Ive got a condition, that’s uue.” He
seemed 10 be wr
mously dillicult. concepi
him happy. Michael w:
eves, three inches away
Allen's eyebrows furrowed
tion. For ап instant, I thought he might
be making fun of seriousness. "But if we
agree that Im «тагу, we're just. choosing
to apply that word to my condition.” He
lifted his head and flashed me a smile of
wsion. "So going crazy
of choice. An affectation
1 thought that he

see.

mauer
Incondusiv

Leo.
started to hum at this point; but it may

have been only a silent pause. "It would
be like growing a goaice ог learni
ate. sort ol—but it would suggest au
opinion on more thi
suggest an opinion оп
solution. Leo. Just an
10 questi

1 the time.
Hy adeq
reading,

response, still me:
‘How're 7 What is
ids today?” "Do you like MacBird
just say. ‘Tm crazy
1 nodded stupidly. An instant before, T
vd that the pipe 1
1 fairly smashed, because
are out how T might
m iglu it, without спас
from Allen's philosophizing.
"But do you think people will see in-
у ава... failure of humor?" Allen
asked, a bit apprehensively
reached over to his side and gr
pipe. Dragging deeply. 1 relit
launched imo this new iho
considerable excitement. “I
Harvey Creep asks you, "How docs Allen
feel about the war in Vietnam? and yo
зау. "Haven't you Old Alle
gone mad. And Harvey says, ‘Ob
id. He

“T go ingly i
grappling with the southeast-Asian ques-
tion. In your own way,” Jessica said from
the bedroom doorway. "Without you i
my demonstration 1 could do, New
Youth.” She often puts on the dialect
when she's awakened. She likes to feel
the harried mother. She walked across

imo the kitchen, her white-cotton night-
gown brushing the loor,
of water on the stove.

Allen she called in. ^?
chemical р: you've slipped
Michael was rocking, wide-eyed but

(continued on page 301)

“Looks as though the Entertainment Committee has come up with
some fresh ideas for this year's Christmas party.”

211

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From Ponder & Best, $215. Replico of Old West borroom stond-by can be used os campy pencil or stirrer holder, from Cost-Plus, $1.50.
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A star-studi s perfect. Clockwise from ten: Kodak Instomalic Mi

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215

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$18. Sophisticate II solid-state stereo casette tape player/recorder comes in hardwood cabinet with two matching speaker enclosures
that house four-in. air-suspension speakers, by Philco, $239.95, Aztec ceramic fireplace with spun-steel base, by Condon-King, $235.
SW-4A short-wave receiver offers ultroprecision tuning, by R. L. Drake, $289. Bottam row, left to right: Cotton-velour double-
breasted robe, fram Battaglia, $55. Antique-leather attaché case, from Dunhill Tailors, $40. Sauna-Steamette plug: а any 110-volt
A.C. outlet, features insulated walls that prevent leakage of moisture, by Don Newman Co., $189.95. Hand-blown beer glasses of
imported lead crystal, by Carole Stupell, $54 for set of 8. Electrified tongue-in-cheek moosehead playraam or bar trophy of wire
and plastic-caated paper, from Scarabaeus, $100. Portable diving board with V-shaped leaf torsion spring has nonskid surface,
by Bostrom, $75. Stereo home music center holds up to 50 LPs; pickup, play and return are completely automatic, by Seeburg, $795.

е АРНҮ BY J. BARRY KE

EVEN meromr the Charles Lloyd Quartet p

bars of its first number, success seemed preordained. Lloyd.
a surtorially impeccable 24-yearold tenor saxophonist and
Maris, whose gentle and outgoing nature is echoed in his
music, had stablished a solid record of achievement
and soloist, He put in three explor
tive Chic Hamilton's ined chamber. ја
combo, then, in 1964-1965, a "lemenr of one of
altoist. Cannonball Adderley's best. groups. Since 1965, when
Lloyd's foursome was born, the accolades have poured in and
Lloyd has become an idol of the hip and the hippie alike
mong the young, without sacrificing the favor of older jazz
fans, In two years, the Quartet has made six trips to Europe
and crisscrossed the U.S. four times. Lloyd seeks ^to in
volve people in my music. excite and bring them to mc
he says. "Jazz must come 10 that—direct communication be
tween one person and another, drawing them closer together
st year. when he became the fist juz musicam to pl
Syancisen's famed. psychedelic tenance Fillmore Andi-
torium, the kids were so turned on by the Quartets passionate
and probing free-form improvisations that they stetched our
on the floor to listen, The group has scored other triumphs
f existence: top honors at numerous American
wopcan jazz festivals, hit jazz LPs, including. Forest
Flower and Love-In, aud the first concert ever presented in the
Soviet Union by an. American modern-jazz combo. The Quar
wt ix abo credited with being a solid commercial success,
unusual for an experimental group, though it ically is hard
to pin the avantgarde label on. Lloyd's music, which reveals
influences as diverse as the blues and Bartok as often as it
docs reflections of Ormene Coleman d the kite John Col-
trane, Says Lloyd: “I want to extend. music beyond. its pr
vious limits, while retaining the lyrical, cathy feeling.” The
220 Charles Lloyd Quartet is well on its way to doing just that.

JOHN USHER MONRO learn, baby, learn

New York's Hilton,
erted the nation's
insurrection by thc

Ат А PRESS CONFERENCE last March at
months before the ghetto riots of. 1967
leaders to the possibility of violent
Negro mases. John Usher Monro announced that he
was leaving his post as dean of Harvard to direct freshmen

studies at Miles College- unaccredited

mpecuniou

Negro school near Birmingham, Alabama, with an enrollment
of 1000. While The New York Times hailed his act as *
poignant reminder that the essential. battles for human

civil righty call for hard work every day in the
Monro, 54, insisted that his new job was one ol
reward" and that he had done alt he felt called to do at
Harvard. Tough, dedicated and self-effacing, Monro has
always been where the action is. After winning a Bronze St
at Okinawa in World War Two, he joined the administrative
staff at Harvard, his alma mater, as an advisor to returning
veterans, During the next 21 years, in a multitude of ollicial
roles. be struggled to bring underprivileged students. to
Cambridge and assisted them in making the grade—and the
grades all of which endeared him to his charges. The s
to Miles came afier three summers of working with the
school's president, Dr. Lucius H. Pitts, to prepare incom-
ing Miles students for the trials ahead: Ош of 400
each new class about a third usually have the skills and
motivittion necesary to graduate. Minimizing the consum-
demands of his new position, Monro praises the forti
tude of the young Negroes who accept “the g
of overcoming clucaional ha ps. Though he ad
mitted that he might even have to help write new textbooks
for Miles. he hasn't regretted his move: “I like the
people, I like the South . . . and | want to live here.”
He abo wams to xe the Negro community develop "insti-
tutional strength without sacrificing its identity а new
Momo doctrine for uniting the Am black and white.

“enormous

WALTER MATTHAU fortune cookie to top banana

IM A SORT oF A Ukrainian Cary Grant.” deadpans 1966
winner Walter Matthau (Best Supporting Actor, in
The Fortune Cookie) while commenting on his nonmatince-
idol mobile countenance. "I could be anyone from a men's
room anendam 10 a business executive.” Endowed with a
disturbingly familiar, youdook-like-a-guy-LEnew-in-the-Army
17-усат-о1й Matthau һай been almost typecast as a minor
ice im Hollywood gangster and Western. pictures
writer Neil Simon asked him to costar as an invete
gambler and lovable slob in the 1965 Broadway smash The
Odd Couple. Matthau proceeded to steal the show from
veteran show stealer Art Carney. "2n udits
from theater critics. Unlike his poker-playir
рап, former gambler Matthau has courted Lady Luck for
the last time ("Once 1 lost 5183.000 in two weeks. D spent
six years in paying it off. . . . I'm solvent and plan to keep
chat w now prefers to stay at home with his second
wile. Carol, and four-year-old son, Charlie; at Malibu. Beach.
Matthau also may have swapped the sporting life for domest
lic because of а heart attack suffered while filming The
Fortune е several seasons ago ("1 start up the stairs in
one scene weighing 198. 1 was out for six weeks, so by the time
L reach the top step, Гуе lost 26 pounds. Nobody noticed. he-
cause I acted heavy."). This year, as top banana in the Holly-
wood film [arce The Guide for a Married Man, Matthau got
his first screen chance to play a leading man and he carried
off with comedic brilliance ago. 1 couldn't
be a teading man” Mathau пау. "Now
they're going for the actor who maybe doesn’t look grand
bur who can act" After completing the screen version. ol
The Odd Couple, Matthau was signed 10 star in two forth-
coming 20th Century-Fox productions: a George Axelrod
sex satire, The Connecticut Look, amd opposite Barbra
Streisand in Hello, Dolly! So who needs to be handsome?

y
commentis c

221

PLAYBOY

222

WIMPY DOLL

into the gloomy morass within the be
10 was wore than 1 thought. А rich
moldering compost heap lay like some
archacological treasure-nove belore me.
For a fleeting instant, 1 felt like King
Tut would feel if he came back and
somebody insisted he take a tour through
the Egyptian section of the Museum of
wal History 10 look at all his junk
the glass cases.

Gingerly. 1 reached down
sony mes of pouage-
with a certain amount of
cause there was no telli
ihi

o this
I must adi
ieasiness, be
g what was ii
been

‚ and I've always worried
thout getting binen by things. Warily 1
grasped a round, furry projection that

barely topped the surface of this sea of
irivia and slowly began 10 pull from the
rubble a battered, fuzzy. brownish, trun-
cated form, which, as it began to emerge
from the wreckage. E recognized with
growing horror. Great Scott! There, star-
ing insidiously up at me. hanging from
my fingers Ьу one саг. was something
Irom so far gone in my dim past that at
fit 1 thought this was just some nasty
trick of my mother's. But no, 1 knew it

was mi
1 don't know how to say this, but
ight in my apartment in midtown
uan. surrounded by my paper-

backs of Katka, Nietzsche and Rona
Jaffe, was—please don't think too harsh-
ly of me—my Teddy bear. Yes, I confess
it. There was a period in my life when I
would no sooner have gone to bed with-
out Brownie than 1 would have thought
g bad things about Santa Claus,
And there he was, looking up at me, one
ing loose. the other
g right through me with the stead-
‚ balelul glare of one who knew me

me all too well. And

so help me, was rhe
takable aroma of what is
called baby штру
vague remains of ancient Pablum. petri-
1 insinuating touches of

of sayi

hed oatmeal

nie out at arm's length be-
led. revolving slowly in
ihe ambit mutable, imperish-
able, cternally cuddly, wanting only to
comfort me in the dark hours of slumber.
Disceetly, 1 turned. his good eye away
from me, since he seemed to be trying to
tell me something, laid him down on the
sofa and wandered over to the window
с for a long, gloomy moment out
over the teeming city. If the word ever
got our in cenain Girdles that my pad
housed a Teddy bear named Brownie, it

The mere
Teddy bear
enough in some

to st

would do me no good at all
fact that 1 had ever owned
would

have be

ing myself with a drink, 1 re-
turned 10 the box. Taking a little more

(continued from page 182)

cue this time to guard against undw
shock. Т slowly withdrew from the en-
vanglement a flat. stuffed. cutout figure
made of colored oilcloth. Lt stood a
proximately 12 inches high. For a long
moment, this strange apparition and I
confronted cach other without a spark of
Dusty, a bit faded, a little
derby and
ragged musta wb a pot-
у. he smiled enigmatically over my
shoulder toward the kitchen. Somchow
he looked familiar, and yeu . . . Then.
p of memo-
ry. I heard а voice, а cracked, comical
voice on the radio, asking, besceching,
demanding. wheed pering for
more hamburgers. My God! Hurray! Its
my Wimpy doll!

Te will surprise many histori
learn that at one point in Americ
tory there was actually a Popeye ra
program. Popeye. Olive and Castor Oyl,
Ham Gravy. Wimpy and the whole
crowd came imo the living room every

day. They offered vou a choice of a Wim-
py doll. a Popeye doll. an Olive Ovl doll
or an Alice the Goon doll if you ate

enough soup and sent in the labels. We
were a cannedsoup family, so there was
no problem collecting enough labels, but
I was probably the only kid im the
United States who didn't order a Popeye
doll: T went for Wimpy. a dow
heels moocher who lived only to stuff
gut with hamburgers. T identified with
him; and ГЇЇ never forget the day my
Wimpy doll arrived. He immediately
outranked Brownie; and for one hectic
ега. | was one of the very few. Americans
who went to bed every night with a guy
ng a derby and smoking а cigar. 1
mit 1 was glad 1o scc the old
ШЗ
ig out of his
ab was as it

must
frceloader aga
seedy: the stuffing: was ed
frock coat. bur somehow t
should be for Wimpy. Carefully, I aid
him alongside his old rival aud returned
to the hustings.

A thin leatherette strap caught my eye
and carefully. so as not to break any of
these precious artifacis. E dragged forth
a strange, dusty, dangling black object
covered with snaps and buckles and
exuding the heady aroma of musty sheep-
skin. Faint leners could. be wen
through the basement patina of grime.
Dipping a f ik, 1 carefully
wiped off the grease and dirt. D-U—onc
lerer was missing—K—another missing
letter—O.G-E, . . . Bless my butions!
My genuine Buck Rogers Space Helmet
For intergalactic fight. With sheepskin
Jining and—uh-oh, don't tell me! My old
lady's lost them or thrown them out! I
hurriedly saabbled through the tangled
mess and, with a great sigh of relief,
pulled. ош my ious space goggles.
Oh, Their scratched, yellowed

His oilcloth was

silver

wow!

plastic lenses were curling at the edges,
but 1 reverently pulled them down over
my head and snapped them into placc—
ter first carefully shaking out three
dead cockroaches and an elderly retired
moth. | tugged at the ear Maps of my
space helmet, squeezing it down over
cranium. marveling at how it had
shrunk. Finally. I snapped the chin strap
shut and rushed imo m
admire myself in the mirror, as | h
done so many times in the past. Аһ. yes,

тууса protector
old Dr. Huer’s
acme. Bur

Instantly, I was back at the box—and,
sure enough. there it was, a little rusty, а
litle pockmarked, but still excitingly
dangerouslooking. Made of imitation
blue steel, it was my faithful Fla
Gordon Zap Gun, the same gun that h
destroyed Ming the Merciless with its
deadly Disintegrator Rays. 1 leveled it at
my Black Forest Persian. Water. Clock
and pulled the trigger: Twaaaannng
The achingly familiar sound of the dead.
ly rays with which I had gunned down
my kid brother, disintegrated Flick, Kis
sel and Schwartz thousands of times
over echoed weakly in the room. Tl
seratchy sheepskin tickled my cars the
way it had so often in the past. This he
wr and Chad heen throngh hi
nor 10 mention giant snowstorms
through which 1 had burrowed, tri
go my
tended that 1 was on a spa
Venus, Buck Rogers Space
strapped to my back. on my wa
the vile Black Barney. who was
league with Zog. evil master of the
Swamp Planer. to subjugate the entire
known

Faintly, through the leatherette, the
sounds of the 1812 Overture trom my
serco FM tuner reminded me of one ol
the bloodiest battles 1 had ever fought in
my kidhood. It directly involved. the
honor and reputation of my idol Buck
Rogers. Without provocation and entre
rounds. Schwartz had al.
leged Flash Gordon could take
Buck Rogers any day and that if it
жаш lash, Ming the Merciless ol
the planet Mongo would have us all i
his clutches. This slander could not be
brooked by any Buck Roger fan, so we
mixed it up under Schwartz’ front porch
for the better part of an hour, rolling in
the dirt, tearing our shiris, ba
other's heads on the rocks, swe
crying. But he didn't convince me
didn't convince him. In any case.
good ro have this helmet back. You never
know when it might come in handy.

T knew that somewhere in that pile of
junk there must be the Buck Rogers
Spaceship that 1 had gouen from the

together

eyes, as 1 pre.
e Might to
Rockets
y to trap

les protect

universe.

for

each

ing

gan

nd 1
was

PLAYBOY

Buck Rogers radio program. It was made
of kad and attached to a long string,
which you were supposed to tie to а
chandelier; given the proper shove, the
spaceship would then twirl around the
room, making a high, whistling sound.
Which it did, until one night when my
old man got it in the eye in the dark
l ripped it down, ica half the
chandelier off the ceiling.

Reverently, 1 removed my helmet and
goggles, laid aside my zap gun and
reached once again into the grab bi

After fumbling around for а moment or
two, 1 felt a round metallic object, which
Jat frst thought was my beloved Mickey
Mouse watch, a beautiful timepiece
whose dapper yellow gloves ace

peeling, it was the size of a watch, but

beneath its glass top I could see the

74. 1 scraped off some of the

ime and read the embossed inscri

С OFFICIAL JACK ARMSTRONG WHEATIES
pOMETER.

From out of the wind tunnel of my
mind, a commanding voice dramatically
moned: “Fellas and gals, the

Ollicial Jack Armstrong Pedometer, you
can (ell just how far you walk every day.
how f; 10 school, how many miles
it is 10 the store or the scout. meetin,
You'll never be lost if you wear your
Jack Armstrong Pedometer at all times.
For just one Wheaties омюр and
twentyefive cents mailed to Jack Ar
strong in care of this station. . . ." Thi
n important find. I examined the
pedometer closely, ticking the counter
lever with my thumb, It sull wor
Jt still made that telltale click at
revolution. I remembered great herds of
kids wearing corduroy knickers drifting
schoolward through tlie boondocks, click-
ing as they went. The whole neighbor
hood sounded like an enormous fock of
criekets, day and night, ured
h it was to everywhere. I could
still sce the funny look on Miss Shields’
e as, опе day in fourth grade, 1 got
up. on direct orders, 10 go to the black-
te

was

asked Miss

L," is all she said as she
stuck the eighth. pedometer of the day in
her bottom. drawer.

Pulling up my pajamas, 1 strapped the
pedometer to my right got up and
carefully paced the distance to my bar,
returned to my scat and took а re
Hasty calculations revealed
martinis result in
twellth of

ould
а mile. Happy as a clam, I
dug back into the box and unsuspec
ly unearthed a shadowy horror out of my
past that caused me 10 rock back in my
in a wave of terror. My God! The

evidence still exists! The crime had lain
dormant in the back of my mind for
yens, gnawing at my conscience like
some dry rot in the foundations of a
haunted. house.

Furtively, 1 examined my find, shield-
ing it in my hand so that if by any re-
mote chance there were onlookers, they
would not sce the incriminating cello-
phane envelope that I held, ‘That old sick
nausea of fear of discovery, of the un
masking of my calumny, the exposure of
my rouennes. hit me again. T am not
proud of what 1 had done, but | was
young and unformed. Youth is alw
immoral, but if 1 had it to do over again,
1 know I would do the right thing. I held
up to the light, and there they were
within the envclope—yellow and gree
light blue, triangular-shaped, the collec
tion of "Rare exotic hard-to-find Forci

stamps," which, in а he moment
of criminality, I had once sent away for
—on approval. On approva] meant you

sent them your dime after you got the
stamps. T do not have to tell you that I
not only never sent in the dime, 1 never
tended to. I remember the letter that
came from. Kansis City a month later,
threatening my father with jail and me
with a criminal record thar would
throughout my life ме up. 1
most passed out when I read thar; and
after carefully burning it in the furnace,
1 decided Id bener pay. But E never did.
I never heard fro
1 had Песи
rk
lowing me wherever 1 went

I tucked the samp collection
back under the middle sofa cushion and
ioodily sipped k Maybe that
was the first misstep, 1 thought. Maybe
if 1 had paid for those stamps, I could
e marched through life cleareyed,
clean, honest, straight to the Whi
House. ГЇЇ bet Lyndon Johnson paid
for his stamps! On second thought,
however

It was with an effort that 1 returned to
my investigation, fishing up next а col-
lection of thin sheets of paper bound to-
gether with a симу old rubber band
that broke in my hand immediately
spilling the crinkly slips out over the
floor. Cockamamies! 1 had unearthed
some unused gems from the precious col
lection that I had bought over the years
at Old Man Pulaski's He really hated
the times when we would come in to
buy these tissucpaper tattoos that dis
solved in water.

“АП right. you kids, I ain't got no
time for foolin’ around. Either ya want
pictures or ya don’t.”

Schwartz, Flick, Kisel and 1, peering
in through his glass case, would finally,
after great soul-searching, decide оп
which n
Faithful we wanted. I picked up
the floor а cockamamie show
i green helmet sticki

well

nto the thorax of a bright-yellow Jap
soldier. A great fountain of crimson
blood squirted out over the M1. The
Jap’s eyes were slanted evilly, his mouth
comorted as he hurled an Oriental ob-
scenity at the square-jawed Marine, The
Ti was а beani
member the day 1
r wouldn't let me

ful picture, and 1 r
bought it, my moth
put it oi

Here was my chance, 1 licked

D decal, tasting the old famili
glue flavor that 1 knew would not leave
my mouth for a month, and meticulously
moothed the soggy cockamamie onto
the back of my left hand, blowing on it
expertly, as J had done so often in the
past, to dry it off. Now lor the delicate
part, With the skill of a surgeon. I slowly
peeled off the moist backing. There, in
four beautiful colors on my left. hand,
was as magi
we ever seen of a Jap corporal goi
10 his just rewards. 1 wondered what the
gang at the office would зау to me now?
1 knew that I would be the envy of all
kl that it would especially impress
the typing pool. 1 held my hand out ad-
ly, knowing that if J didn’t wash
my hands, I could keep it intact for at
ast a month.
By now, I must admit, I had been
sucked bodily into this sobering and ed
fying dissection of my yeasty formative
years. Old excitements and craving
fugitive passions and decires crowded
upon me. With gusto, I drained oll what
remained of my bloody charlie and pre
pared to push on through the under-
growth of my childhood, litle realizing
the pitfalls and traps, the traumas that
lay ahead.

My cockamamie had hardly dried
when I found myself holding in my hand
as sinister an object as | had ever owned,
an object with a history оГ the soi

the

cent a representation as I

rarely whispered in mixed company and
that could and did make strong men
weep. It was a penknife, but a penknife
with a difference. Shaped like a lady's
leg, no les—aá lady's leg wearing a
chromium plated. high-heeled shoe. The
mother-of-pearl call bulged епос

hove the kn
Tor ordinary cu
ting, the oth ping off the butt
ends of long black cigars. As 1 inspected
it, the vision of an carly but decisive
humiliation sprang out trom the Кайе
directly into my consciousness.

My knees aacking warningly as I
arose, 1 carried the grizzled weapon to
the window, Holding the proper
angle as 11 a the past, I looked
for the silver shield embedded in the
mother-of-pearl calf. Аһ, yes, it was still
there. 1 raised the Кийе to сус level,
peering deep into the tiny hole in the
shield, upward at the watery sun. There
she was. My oll paramour, who had
contributed to many a sweaty evening

and tapered off just
carried wo bla

id done

PLAYBOY

226

uly
FORTIS

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iy
12

n —

Re 6261/6262

Day and date automatic

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This time piece is made
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and feverish dream, her grass skirt. pro-
vocauvely parted at mid-thigh, her
ıoguish gypsy eyes plowing as brightly as
ever, her ample and bare bazooms still
in full, magnificent, Hesh-colored bloom.
She was the lady who had caused my
disgrace and eventual courtmartial from
the Moose Patrol, Troop 41, Boy Scouts
of America

For months 1 had whined and cajoled.
irying to pry out of my parents the price
of an othcial Boy Scout knife. No one in
our troop had a complete uniform. Some
wore only khaki knickers; others sported
only the broad-brimmed campaign. hat;
one or two had just а canteen; 1 owned
only my purple neckerchief with the
gold letters B.S. A. 1 wanted a knife to
hang from my belt, like Flick had. My
Uncle Carl, who spent the entire Deprcs
sion playing his banjo and going in and
ош of poolrooms, hearing of my burning
desire, one day fulfilled my wish. 1 dis-
tinctly recall the conversation, He wasn't
wearing his false teeth that day, but he
did have on his straw hat.
want a knife.”

"How would ya like this knife?” He
fished out of his pocket the lady's leg in
question

“wow!”

Waitll they see that at the Scout
тоор. Thats bener than any old Boy
Scout knif Unde Carl.

I held iı in my hand for che first ti
He bent over and whispered into my ear,
his beery breath enveloping me in
warmth and suds. “Look imo that hole

on the side. And don't tell your mother.”
That was the beginning. The nest week,
she was an instant smash hit a
11's meeting. And two weeks la
drummed out in disgrace when Mr. Gor
pI wind of what the Moose Patrol

Troop

т. 1 was

was cackling about
1 put my trusty knife into the pocket
of my dressing gown and returned to the
fray. Au angry gust of December wind
nated my window as I wallowed among
Christmases past, days of Ovaltine and
тогай
ı singular object thar at first 1 did not
recognize
m
human mind could. conceive of such a
surrealistic objet d'art—:

glories, 1 found myself holding

In fact. it was so grotesque
it was hard to believe that the

ently curved
winged golden pickle,
imprinted with the са
37." The n

miliar r

warted, plastic

listice symbol

mber had a curiously [a
o 57 what? Operative 572 No,
that didirt sound right. And why the
pickle? Then it hit me. Heinz 57 Varie
lies! Sponsored by the pickle company,
Colonel Roscoe Turner and his famous
fully
ad ap

ol which 1 was

Flying Corps,
licensed and. qualified member,
peared in a comic strip that

n under

will make
you

the envy
of
everyone!

Sure thing! Because the PETRI
FLEX V6 is for professionals.
It boasts an unbeatable com-
bination in SLR photography
... razor-sharp Petri automa-
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coupled to diaphragm, shut-
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unique **micromic-lens-focus-
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under adverse lighting condi-
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7-25-12, Umeda, Adachi-ku,
Tokyo, Jopon

s суеп harder. Turner's creased, i
tepid face with the dashing Errol Flynn
mustache had been the very embodi-
ment of ilying. His only passenger was a
lion cub named Gilmore. I pinned the
wings over my left breast and decided to
have an extra shot ol catsup with my
ham night, for old time's
sake. There wits a time when 1 devoutly
believed that when I grew up, I would
not only be a pilot but would own several
pais of beautifully tailored, whipcord
pilovtype riding breeches. With puttecs.
Here I am, grown up as much as ГИ ever
id all Tve got are a couple of pairs
gy Bermuda shorts, and 1 don't
even Know where 1 could lay my hands
on as much ay а single puuec il 1 had to.
dont even "ame guys Roscoe
anymore. He did more for the umed-
soup and. расса industries than Billy
Graham his done for evangelism.

The next 15 minutes 1 spent happily
the plunger on шу Captain
ke Up Mug, which
mediately saw would be handy in
pping up a batch of gibsons. 1 next
„ piercing: Шам» Irom

ng 17 mutts in apart
ments as Lar as two blocks away to howl
and bark frantically as 1 communicated to
them in Captain Midnighr's secret code,
ihe same code that } had used to send
SEALE messages the buck yards
nd Kissel.

in across а veri
table fortune in unrealized assets. Here,
for уси, 1 had been moderately
wealthy and did not know it 1
covered seven—that's righ -unre
deemed Good Humor Lucky Sticks, cach
Irce Good Humor bar any
time 1 ced to cash them in. I could not
ure how 1 m go by the
boards when 1 was a Kid; but then it
slowly came back to me—the summer 1
had boarded them for my old age. 1 had
read а story in a comic book
old man who didn't save when he was a
kid and now was reduced to begging on
street corners, The moral was to Save
For A Rainy Day. It scared me so much
that | begin to lay away uncished pop
botes. Lucky Sticks and slugs for fre
games on the pinball machine. Vestiges
ol chocokue syrup remained on Ше
valuable premiums. 1 wondered. briclly
whether I could cash the whole lot in
with Emile, the bartender at the E;
liste du Morte, lor an Trish collec.
With moist eyes, 1 rifled through my
prized collection of Fleers bubblegum
s, illustrating great moments in
nerican. history. There good old
still crossing the Delaware,
oping over the сошигу-
side on a green horse, Abraham Lincoln
making a speech. Dog-eared, thumbed,
well worn and faithful, my collection—
one of ihe world’s most ble of
its kind—was completely intact. As 1

seven.

bout à

Paul Revere

glanced ar them, my jaw hinges ached
dully from countless pounds of obscenely
pink bubble gum that | had pulverized
1o get these cards, One card, in parti
lar, told a story. [t showed Robert Ful-
ton waving a Шар from the deck of h
steamship. That crd had cost me four
fillings in one chomp of the gum; the
sickening crunch of a mouthful of silver
as the bubble gum did its deadly work is
a feeling not soon to be lorgotien

The next item plur
funk as to necessitate an immediate trip
fo the sideboard for two fingers of the
straight мий At first gi it was a
supremely innocent artifact. But to me,
who lived through it, who suffered with
it and was irrevocably scared for life
because of it, it was far more than a ten
cent package of nasturtium seeds. I
looked at the brilliandy colored pic-
ture of gigantic prizewinning blossoms
shown on the slender envelope of r
iing seeds. It all came back—that grim
week long ago that began with such
з and that ended in a black
d forever made me quail

Miss Shields that spring had enlisted
us to sell seeds in the neighborhood in

the Warren G. Harding School. Her stir-
ring, impassioned speech—exhorting us

“Don we now our gay apparel. . . .

for you to deliver ihem"—had stirred me
to sign up for a whole box of 12 ei
lopes. 1 ran all the way home, eager to
hit the trail. My first jaunty knock was
on the door of the gray house by the cor-
ner. A haggard. sleepy lady peered out
of the darkness at me.
“Whar d'ya want?”
t to buy any seeds?”

have Sics,

Seeds. 1
hollyhocks. . . .
The lady's red eyes glared

minigolds, p

out at me.
Vasturtiums, morning.glorie

had not mentioned this po: y At
the next house, ige brown dog,
closely related to the jaguar, chased me
around the garage four times before I
made it over the fence. Next door, а
lady holding four babies and surrounde
by a moiling thicket of wailing urchins
peered dimly out at me, shaking her
head silently.

House after

house it went like this,
until finally, at the end of four miles
of humiliating deleat, I emerged a
bent, stooped, tiny, wizened, nine-year-old
Willy Loman—footsore and weary, with-
ош so much as a single seed sold.
Finally, weeks lite ous aunts paid
for my stock. but 1 was left with this
last unsold package of nasturti

As that old sensation of

ms.
sell-pitv

227

PLAYBOY

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overwhelmed me, my knuckles ached once
1 from knocking on unyielding doors
as I stared through misty eyes at those
brilliant nasturtiums. For some г
found sell wondering whether the
seeds would actually grow and wha
they would produce if they did. I have
heard that ancient grains of wheat taken
from the tombs of Pharaohs have been
made to sprout and prosper. Tenderly, I
placed my rei ag stock of seeds next
to Wimpy. For а moment, I thought per-
haps | might go out this afternoon,
knock on а few apartment doors on my
floor and maybe mal le. But then
the old fear took over and I knew I
couldn't do it.

Right on the heels of the nasturtiums,
s if by evil design, I came across a
-condition flatwhite can of White
Cloverine Brand Salve, another relic of
boy salesm. The
book had read: "Kids!
vov may be the onc to win this beautiful
SHETLAND PONY! He will be awarded,
4 with thousands of other prizes, to
ery in our big Sales Sweeps
Just help distribute to your friends and
neighbors that old family stand-by White
lover Brand Salve” lı pictured а
smiling, freckle-faced, redheaded kid
holding the is of а brown-and-white
Shetland. I clipped the coupon. God only
knows what horrors would have de-
scended on the household if 1 had won
a pony.
homnly thereafter, an enormous case
full of White Cloverine Brand Salve
rived, and another trial by fire bey
Once d found want-
ing. After 17 giant suppertime fights, and
after I had sold only three cans of
one to my mother, one to Mrs. Kissel
and one to me—my fatha
whole thing up and s
the Cloverine people, hollering:
THE BASTARDS SUE! THEY CANT
GET BLOOD OUT ОЕ A ROCK! IF
YOU EVER SEND ANOTHER DAMN
COUPON IN, YOU WON'T SIT
DOWN FOR A MONTH!” That ended
‚ technically, but nothing had ever
led the ugly gash in my soul.
Next cam tered, rainbow-tinted
ment Model Duncan
paint worn smoothly away
the groove from endless hows of
Walking the Dog, its string knotted and
blackened, trailing off into the n
memorabilia. 1 pulled and tugged at it.
Something was attached to it. Out ol the
depths it came like a struggling fresh-
water сац, gliuting dully in the [aint
gray light of my apartment. L held it up,
suspended from the yo-yo string,

kes.

ve—

s of

to ex-

Slowly spinning before my eyes

was one of (rue treasures of my
youth, my Melvin Purvis G-Man Badge.
1 searched quickly and discovered, still
intact and ready for action, its matching

set of Melvin Purvis GMan Escape-
Proof Handcuils, just like the ones John
ad slipped out of so many
с that somewhere down
ust be my Melvin Purvis
n Book of Instructions on HOW то
stor скім, It was. I glanced at the first
page. entitled “How то TELL A скоок":
“G-Meu have found that crooks cannot
look an honest man in the eye. Always
look at the eves of suspects for the telltale
evidence.” 1 remember the day I tried it
on Grover Dill. "What are you looki
at?” was all he said before he hit me in
the mouth. I guess Melvin Purvis never
had to deal with anybody like Grover
Dill.

As you have no doubt deduced, th
s a period in my life when 1 w

implacable foe of crime. Every week 1
listened imently as Warden Lawes of
Sing Sing imtoned on the radio: "Auen-

tion! All citizens be on the lookout for
Harry Roucnsione, known as Hany the
Fink, wanted for armed robbery in Okla

homa. He is live feet, eight and one half
inches tall, usually of mean disposition, a
gonal sci running from left car to

jaw, steelblue eyes, tattoo on right forc
апи of red heart: Mower. This man
armed and presumed dangerous. Notify
the police. Do not attempt to take hi
ehandedly. Notify your local law-
This is Warden Lawes

enforcement office.

saying "Good. night.
Every day alter that, I coolly
veyed all ра gers for telltale
эсиз. Eventually it had to happen, and
it did. 1 spotted a thickset steelworker
getting on a bus and ten minutes later
reported him to the big cop who helped
kids across the street in front of V
G. Harding School. The feeling of st
ighteousness and bravery that 1 experi-
enced at that moment, coupled with my
1 fear of cops, is still fresh in my
memory.
“Оше! I just saw Harry the Finkl
He got on the Inland. Steel bus!"
“Harry who?
“Harry the Fink! D heard about h
on the radio. He robbed Oklthom:
"Oh, for God sake! You're the ninth
kid today th ry the Fink!
Last week it w p Louie. They
oughta m to that damn
Sing Sing pr gaimst the law. PI

те

HanytheFink you! Get in school.
Warden Lawes and Mr.

racer of Lost Persons, the cops

must have had their hands full night and

. Mr. Keene was always announcing
bout how somebody had
from his wife and seven kids in
Minneapolis and was last seen wearing a
blue suit and driving а black. Plymouth
with the name “Bubbles” written on the
unk, A population with its € led
for runaway husbands and escaped. cm-

wandered

bezzlers did not make things casy down
at the old precinct house.

1 knew that somewhere under this pile
of junk must be my FBI in Peace and
War Official Fingerprint Kit, for which
L had sent in two Lava soap wrappers.
You needed Lava soap to get that
crummy, sticky black ink off your fingers
after you got the kit. I remember run-
ning the rubber roller, loaded with ink,
right up the back of my kid brother's
neck, а dismal incident that could. well
© been one of the contributing fac-
tors that led direcily to World War "Two.
A flash of red caught my eye and
nother trophy of another long-lost alter-
noon confronted. me. a battered, bright-
red plastic fireman's hat bearing the
MONO: ED WYNN TEXACO FIRE CHEF. For
one brief, feverish season, this Fire Chief
hat wit solute must for every right-
thinking kid, Ed Wynn came on the
dio with that big old siren, with the fire
bells banging, wearing a hac exactly like
this beauty. They gave them away at the
Texaco station to anybody who could
s, and also at the World's Fair.
ngerly, I placed it atop my head to
sce if it still gave me that old feeling of
pizzazz. E arose, walked to the window
and, for reasons that are obscure to me,
raised the glass and stuck my head out,
high over the roaring canyon of the
Manhattan street. The sun bore. down
weakly as 1 said to myself:

“You are absolutely the only guy in all
of New York that is wearing an Ed
Wynn Fire Chief hat at this minute. You
are unique. Hurray!”

At that instant, a gust of frigid w
struck me smartly on the left side of n
cranium. 1 felt the Fire Chiel hat lift
slightly. tit was gone. I
stared as it turned over and over, drift-
ing down toward the traffic jam, a tiny,
red, uproarions Ed Wynn horsela
volplaning down 10 the sidewalk.

In a panic, 1 rushed into the kitchen
and pressed the button on the pho:
th
below. His voice filtcred up through the
hum.

Yeah?”

“MY FIRE CHIEF HAT JUST FELL

OUT OF THE WINDOW!”

id in an ins

connected me with the doorman f.

1 suddenly realized
saying.

My, uh—my Fire Chief h

“WYNN! ED WYNN!’ I was shouting.
Don't he live on the third floor? In
ED THE

WYNN, FIRE

“You You
call
“LOOK. GODDAMN IT! TH

got a fire? want me to

SRE'S 229

PLAYBOY

230

А RED FIRE CHIEF HAT ON THE
SIDEWALK IN FRONT OF THIS
BUILDING. GET IT AND BRING IT
UP TO ME

There was a long pause, umil finally:
"OK. IE vou say so. He hung up. I
rushed back to the 10 peer
down, Sure enough. 1 see the
wid
looking up and down the str
God! A tiny kid had my hat on his i
Without thinking T shouted down
lloors:
“IMME BACK MY

Instantly. dozens of passersby pecred
up. hoping to sec another suicide. 1 saw
the doorman tingle with the struggling
kid far below. A few shadowy faces ap
peared at apartment windows across the

window
could

^t figure of the doorman Far below.
My

НАТ, KID!

avenue. Stealthily. D pulled down the
window and hid behind my madras
back

any Jack Armstrong
ag. the cockamamie on my left

nd glowing brightly I sar down and
tried to get a grip on myself. 1 know
what UI do. ТЇЇ wrap all this junk up.
throw it in the back of the closet, get
dressed and go down 10 P, J's. The hell
with this. Fm What do
I want with

It was no use. E couldn't kid myself.
ned my har back. For years T ad
never once thought of my hat and didn't
even know 1 still] nd now I wanted
й more u у in the world
Even my cutout cudbourd Grumpy
mask. which E «ot from Pepper Young's
Family, didn't seem to help. Т suck my
nose through the cutout hole in the mask
nd snapped the cracked rubber
hi my ears. my eyes staring
bleakly out through the slits in Grumpv's
map.

1 sat

two
ads over

for a moment, wanting 10 go
10 the window to sce how the door-
bur alraid they'd spot
Suppressing the

returned to the box and

b:
m was doi
me acaos th
thought. |

“In the talent category, Miss Foster will recite a
list of books she has read."

resumed my excavations Rummaging
about. I nest rediscovered my old blue-
steel bicycle clip for my pants. I snapped
it on the left leg of my pajamas to sec if

akles had gouen faner, 1t was then.
that P noticed my old canvas delivery
bag from the time I had a
оше: COLLIER S, LIBERTY MAGAZINE
emblazoued in red letters on the. side.
Fucked in the bag was an old Nabisco
Shredded Wheat Color Card. I could see
where 1 had badly colored Niagara Falls
with Cravolas, E pulled the shoulder strap.
down over n d was amazed. to
find that the up under my
armpit. It used 10 hang down around my
knees. H must have shrunk. 1 was at-
tempting to adjust it when my doorbell
vang.

He's got itt I leaped 10 the door, fling-
ing it open. AL the Ukrainian doorm
sood in the hallway, holdi
Wenn. Fire Chief hat.

“You got it! GREN

“That kid sure put up a
holding the

was

“не
tered

extended his paw,
plastic helmet.
He сип get his own һай” 1
noticed that
face.
How come youre wearin’

1.1
M had au odd look on his

that mask,

false face, which 1 was still we:
figured I'd beter play
Oh. тагу Grumpy. Fm doing a Dile
work here this morn
“Oh, 1 see." he said, backing off a bit
as he noticed my bicycle clip and my
Collie
I reached
and knew im

nediately that 1 had
ke. The sa

p on m
up de e
slightly and said:
never you was in the
as in the Navy. You ou
tattoo I got on my backsid
"Oh. that. 1 was just doing a Hule
painting around here
As I took the pre
from his grubby c

e hallway. AL started

» he noticed

the
ck Armstrong Pedometer that hung

п my right kne

Retreating hastily—clicking with cach
sepi mumbled my thanks and
slammed the door. There was no doubt
about it.
When

Ire

I knew I would have to move.
могу

the doorman told
around. 1 would be cooked.

Pouring myself a neat brandy
ıo suaighten up the joint,
through the still-untapped drift of еи:
that r d in the box. What fur-

this

ther horrors lay here entombed? What
There
my Joe Palool ule Book. my

Junior Birdmen of /
Licen

lot's
even the four-color Magic Slide

Rule Patented Piano Lesson that had
guaranteed to teach me to play in just
seven minutes. There was my Mystic
Ventril-O, with which I had unsuccess-
fully attempted to mystify my friends by
throwing my voice into trunks, holler-
ing in a combandtisucpaper voice:
"HELP! Lct me ош!” There was my
Charles Atlas Dynamic Tension Muscle-
Build and Chest Expanding Course,
my periscope, my matchcover collec
tion, the magnifying glass with which I
had set Helen Weathers on fire. Tt was
all there.

Gingerly I tilted the huge box over
onto its side. А tinkling, squeaking, mus-
ty avalanche spilled out over the floor—
and my benighted youth lay shimmering:
before me like some surrealistic collage
of adolescent dreams: my Tom Mix
Whistling Ring, which never whistled:
my Captain Midnight Photomatic Code
OGraph badge and Secret. Squadron
Bomber Wings. which lost their pin the
very first instant I tied to attach them to
my pullover and caused a fit of hysterics
that has become legendary in my family,
a ft that resulted in my mother ban-
ning Сарай Midnight list in our
house for almost a month. Rolled in a
sad little ball were the tattered remains
of my Jack Armstrong pennant from
Hudson High, a school that, by an odd
coincidence, Hew the same colors as
the orange-and.
thought for a t would
look over my dek at the office. and then
sed the thought, Lovingly, I
y Huskies Club pi
tiom sponsored by the people
vufaciured. Grape-N
nbered chiefly for its a
to crack false teeth. For a moment I
stared olf to the middle distance,
seeing with stark c
instant when my gra
shattered with а loud mighty
spoonful of that nudil known
lor its gentle laxative action, Grandma
€ the same after that, Lou
the president of the

te Wheaties hox T

moment how well

an athletic

dentures

cereal.

was never qu
Gehrig, who
Huskies Club, maintained in many а
at it was be-
cause of Grape) as able to
follow Babe Ruth in the Yankee batting
order.

comicstrip adven

A tiny. shriveled square of doth
next caught my eye. Great balls of fir
My Sky Blazers Arm Patch, which
proved conclusively that I ate two slices
of Wonder Bread every day. Tom Mix
Straight Shooter premiums, long forgot-
ten but never forgiven, emerged; and a

om Mix Special sun W atch, to be used
when lost in the jungles of. Yucatin, a
place 1 have always half suspected 1
would end up in, anyway. If you're lost
in the head-huncer-ridden jungles, youd
better know what time it is. My pulse

When it's
a matter
of taste

ask for

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231

PLAYBOY

232

quickened as I extracted from the grisly
array a device that could come in even
handier: my Tom Mix Periscope Ring. 1
dusted it off and slipped it on my pin
Holding it up to my сус, I could see in
hazy outline the bathroom door—behind
The uses for such a device are
lly around an office filled
bushy-tailed young

ious
executives on the m

Did mine eyes deceive me? No. Be-
neath a pair of Tom Mix spurs lurked my

most occult treasure, a genuine Mystic
Voodoo Skull Ring. with genuine
lated emerald cyes—a ring designed to
put curses on your enemies. There is no
doubt that such a ring could still have
is. 1 slipped it carefully into my pocket,
already formulating plans. Next came
an objet of such poignant personal
meaning that instinctively 1 turned. my
eyes away from it. [ts very presence
brought back an afternoon that even to-
day rankles in my soul as onc of those
really temible things that happen io all
of us. My Uncle Ned had given me а

dollar bill for my ninth birthday. Crisp,
dean, of a beautiful green color, 1 held it
for an all-too-brief ume. Minutes
stood in front of a

the candy store, а т
such tremendous bonanzis as Brownie
cameras, wrist watches and cigarette

ighters embossed with naked ladies;
flashlights made in the form of tiny re-
volvers, all floating in a sea of multi-
colored candy BBs. All you had to do to
get one of these treasures was to skillful-
ly operate two chromium handles, which
im turn. maneuvered the claw of a tiny
steam shovel inside the case. Nickel after
nickel I poured into this monster, grow-
ing more nervous and sweaty as cach
time the daw didn't quite grab the
Brownie. Finally, after 85 cents had
gone down the drain, it threw me a con-
temptible lead watch fob bearing the
likeness of Myrna Loy.

I sucked moodily on my long-lost Dr.
Christian Bubble Pipe. An angry wind
laden with sooty ice crystals banged
briefly at the windows of my apartment.

“Disgusting! 1 bet they're having an orgasm right now.”

It was getting colder. Sadly 1 returned it
to the dusty magic mountain of illusion
lost and gone, grieved by only the
d enough. Back into the

box I stuffed Brownie, Wimpy, Grumpy,
Ed Wynn, Roscoe Turner, Jack Arm-

strong. Melvin Purvis, Buck Rogers—the
whole teeming throng of them from out
of the past. Over this communal crypt 1
id the Dead Sea Scrolls—carefully
noothed newspaper fragments bearing

the faded face of Harold T nd
Perry Winkle’s round sailor hat, and the
yellowed headline "DAYLIGHT RAID O»

DAST.”

NORMANDY PORTS. B-178 HOME
Replacing the cover, I twisted the

wires back together, binding the whole
thing in place. For a fleeting moment, I

considered shoving the whole sorry mess
out onto the garbage landing. But I
chickened out. Staggering under the load,

І dragged my childhood to the hall
doser. With an enormous effort, 1 got it

up to the top shelf. Mysterious rattles and
tinkles and squeakings continued for
few seconds. Then, silence—except for
the шие, jaunty quackings of my old
rubber duck. I read the lettering on the
box again: ше тик сом PREAL
1 wondered whether my mother had
picked that box purposely. You never
aow about mothers.

Outside, the long December afternoon
darkening into night. Jt wouldn't be
long before the crowds of Christmas
shoppers and Rockefeller Center holiday
rubes would give way to the big-time
ouronthetown crowd. Across the ave
nue, Christmas trees glowed through
Venetian blinds. From the apartment
next door drifted the nasal tones of a 12-
year-old protest caroler singing Jesus
Don't Low Me Anymore. but 1 Got
You, Babe, the current. spiritual smash,
to the accompaniment of his clectric
tambourine.

1 sat for a long moment in the gather-
ing gloom and then suddenly noticed the
huddled form ol my little green. alumi
num Japanese Christmas tree. On im-
pulse, 1 fished around in the rabble on
my coffee table and сате up with a thin,
dimesized copper disk with the faded
inscription POPEYE SPINACH EATERS’
Y piece, Cradling it in my sweaty
palm. J picked up the Christmas tree and
gingerly unscrewed the fuse that 1 had
twisted to death, With my forefinger, I
refully inserted my old badge of
spinach addiction and Popeye fandom.
Magically, the thin but unmistakable
notes of “Im dreaming of a white
Christmas” filled the room and the tiny
tree began to pirouette, its hidden media-
nisms working flawlessly. its miniature
red and green, blue and yellow candles
sending out a dazzling rainbow of soft
Christmas cheer. Lovingly, I placed it on
the window sill for the world to sec.
Popeye had saved the day again.

REINCARNATION

(continued from раке 177)
what authority dost thou these things?
he replied with a counter question: “The
baptism of Jolin from heaven or of
meni He me my ins

was

n
by John as the Me

mony at which il
pulm was recited (Mark IX: 1-11), di-
vinely inspired or uot?” Had the captain
denied John’s i tion, he would have
infuriated the pilgrim crowds who iden
niel this martyred hero with Elijah.
They knew that none but a prophet
was entitled to perform the coronation
ceremony: they abo knew that the accept
nice of any new prophet. apart Irom Eli-
ah's reappearance in the last days, һай
been banned by an edict of the Sanhe-
thin some 200 years previously. Jesus
was now cla a right to purge the
temple counts accordance with
Zechavial’s Messianic prophecy (Zecha-
vidh Wh: 7 and XIV: 21): but the genu
inenes of his Messiahship depended on
Elijilrs reincarnation as John the Bap-

tist—another lonely and persecuted
prophet. No hones theologian can
therefore deny that his acceptance of

Jesus as Christ logic
Christian to a belief i
lijah's case, at least.

The English masses have fallen away
spectacularly from their 19h Century
Protestanti d prefer (o believe in
scarnation, This is pari-
ly because the “upper classes” have long
used religion to keep the "lower classes"
in their proper places, as in the popular
hymni:

ly binds every
reincar

The rich man in his
The poor man at his gate,

God made them, high or lowly,
And ordered their estate.

castle,

arily, abo, because the Christian. con
cept of heaven had been frozen too early
tic Revelation of the other
His paradise was not, as the
Esenes held. a terrestrial park well sup-
plied with rivers, fruit trees and. gentle
z it was a First Century лр, Orien-
tal court perpetually en

by the ecu
St. Jol

wind:

homage 10 а poten
ment over countless

These were allowed no choice between
eternal fires of hell and eternal choral

singing—neither of which tempts the
average. British citizen. By the way. our
«смогу. taught to believe
homeless hell lying to the
were delighted by the [им
stian missionaries’ description of hell
ormous bonfire. "We will keep
у id to have cried joy-
fully. And (by the way. again) Gehenr
the original Hebrew hell, was not at first
preached about as if it were a rcal place.
The prophets used it as а metaphor taken
from J

"an e

з.” they are s

alem's perpetually smol

“Si

municipal rubbish dump in the valley of

ation

fellow playwright, Christopher M
put it imo the mouth of Di,

stus. you remember, had sold his im-
mortal soul to the Devil in exchange for
all that he most desired in this world.
The final scene in the play shows Faus-
tus’ last night on earth. Не heas ihe
clock strike 11 and, knowing that ihe
Devil is due to claim his fee at midnight,
appeals in vain for God's. lastminute
pardon—lor a shortening of his eternal
sentence even to 100.000. years. Then he
the Christian faith. allows

laments that

him no hope of reincarnation. As a schol-
аг. he has read about Pyt the
Creek mystic who preached the gospel

of “metempsychosis.” or reincarna w
the Sicilians of Groto:
Ah, Pythagoras metem psychosis!
were Ihat tue,
This soul should [ly from me
and 1 be changed
Into some brutih beast: all
beasts are happy.
For when they die
Their souls are soon dissolved
in elements.
But mine тим live still to be
plagued in hell.
Pythagoras, surnamed Mnesarchides

r, could you help me get bac

to the North Pole?”

("onc who remi
born about 58
island ol Samos
longed 10 the

bers his origins"). was
nc. on the Aege:
d seems to have be-
ре: Orphic cul
thereabouts. He an-
reincarnation of
the Troja phorbus, This choice
his long puzzled scholas. Tt may have
been me aphorical. be
phorbus, meaning "he who
Too" (Pythagoras is know
а Food. Таа).
meaning "loving thought.” and won fame
the Trojan who drew first blood when
the Grecks landed а! Troy. Euphorbus
ho dealt Achilles’ comrade. Patroclus,

to have beer
as the son of Panthus,

his mortal wound Hector merely gave
him the coup de grice—which was

the turning point in the Troja War.
As а Pelasgian from Samos. Pytl
sympathies would have been pro-Troja
the city of Troy daimed Pe
founding fathers. He. it seems, believed
that reincarmtions took. place at regular
intervals, such as 907. 216. 140 and 462
vean метрик to regu-
lui ihe unpredictable. But 1
Pythagorean metempyychotics settled foi
1000 years. or 3000, or othe
round. ишт.

Мом moderns aspire high in

i jons. Queen Elizabeth,

agora’

bhemarical

some

ahei

apo

Joan of A. Julius Caesar, St
Thersa and Shakespeare are com
mon choices—claims which, if made

233

PLAYBOY

234

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persistently enough, condemn many
harmless overimaginative people with
practical relatives to the funny farm. А
fiend of mine, an English psychiatr
cently had under his charge wo patie
each of whom claimed to be the Virgi
Mary. One was quite young and the other
middleaged. He introduced them to each
other 10 sce what would happen. The
elder reacted. instantly: “Hail Mary, my
spotless daughter! 1 am your mother, St.
Anne, who bore you immaculatel
younger embraced her ne
enthusiasm.

Fervent belief. in reincarna when
a symptom of mental unbalance, is
caused, as a rule, by the as dis-
satisfaction with the dull routine of life.
A visitor once asked an inmate in an
English instituti

How goes in”

“Thank you, sir: 1 suppose IIl get
through my present struggle in the
But this week has been almost as bad as
Waterloo. Tha battle,
if you likc! We English couldn't trust our
Belgian allies, and Old Nap had veteran
Loops with him. 1f Field Marshal Blü-
cher hadn't arrived. just in time with his
Prussians, 1 think wed have been
knocked out. I happen to remember that
day very well, indeed. You see, 1 am
Lord Wellington."

"But it was touch
French, too, wasn't it?

“Oh, ves, mon Dieu! Our luck was out
that day and D wasn't fec]
good шуми wo many fried
pommes de lerre the night before. Stu
essed, 1

was a deuce of

ad go for the

апу 100

pid of me. As you may have
happen 10 be Napolc
"But you jux sai
Wellington
"Yes, of course, but that was by
another. mother.
Memories of incarnation are. seldom

that you were

any more to be wusied than these. "TI
saddest case 1 knew personally was a
woman who believed that she had once
won the Kentucky Derby and was, i
deed. still a race hone, One mornin:
nd got water
on the knee, but hastily went to bed,
concealed the injury by complaining of
toothache and even made a dentist's ap
pointmem for having all her teeth €
tracted. The fact was that she had rea
here that trainers always shoot
€ horses with wai
do not offer these cases as an argument
inst the theory of reincarnation, but
дайим a confusion of past with pres
actical problem that reincar-
nationists have to face is that the recent

she fell down some steps

r on their knees. I

enormous inacasc of population means a
shortage of well-traveled ancient. souls
for new infants to house. The problem of
ding chough that date from 207, or
462, or even 100 years ago is already

insoluble—unless а human soul can be
reincarnated in the animal kingdom. Or
unless souls like those of Napoleon, Јо
of Arc. St. Peter, Queen Elizabeth

the rest are capable of several contempo
тату теріні» а concept that seemed
illogical even to those two Virgin Marys.

The primitive belief in animal pre-
nations seems to have been caused
"s vague facial resemblance
to some bird or beast than by the institu-
tion of totem clans. Th n be studied
Africa, Central. Australia
jd we know that clan
impersonate their totem
ages of the moon. It is
a schizophrenic habit in West Afri
leave the kr па prowl about a
соран! or snake or crocodile. convinced
that after death the soul enters the body
of one’s tote ‚ Relies of such to-
temism appear Gree
gy. We cin trace the goddess Athene's
sacred owl to the owl totem of a pr
tive Pelagian clan that survived. near
Athens until classici] times. The Pelas-
ı goddess Hert—Juno in Latin—had
mock sacred to her and was stid to
been born either at Argus. mythi-
cally connected with Hundred-Eyed Ar-
gos, apparently a Pelasgiam peacock
totem, or on the and of Samos, where
Pythagoras was born. This may explain
Pythagoras’ reputed claim to have once
been à peacock. The Latin poet Ennius
Later declared that Homer. born on near
by Chios had made the sime claim.
Both Homer and Pythagoras may have
been “mindful of their origins" as pea-
cock totemists, though using the peacock
the metaphorical sense still current
among the Arabo-Persian Sulis. The pe
cock, which has the ugliest fcet and the
mos beautiful fea any
known bird, is for them an emblem of
perlecible man battling against his
carthly nature, This is perhaps why the
peacock is also said to have been а favor-
ne preiearnation. of Pythagoras’ close
contemporary, Buddha. It is likely that
the 1 as took their name from a

inca
los by a mu

even
and clsew
members. oft
animal at ch;

now in

iere;

in early mytholo-

head. of

asgi

torem dan of storks—felarzos in
ireek—birds th yel ihe sime
sanctity as now preserves them in Hol-

land. In northern Greece. stork killing
carried the same penalty as homicide.
What happens to souls after death is a
question that has puzzled mau ever since
fist becime capable of conscious
ght. Conscious thought implies a
to survive as long as possible and,
fore, a fear of death and, therefore,
because one cin dream vividly about
people long dead. the conjecture of
spiritual survival. Much the same after-
world is described all five continents.
and conuastve paradises and hells
de
cither by hallucinogenic drugs or
nearly drowning, or by starvatio

ns. from visions. produced

severe illnesses. or by other causes that
temporarily deprive the brain of oxygen
and allow dicam fantasy full play. Many
ancient peoples, however. have believed
that the answer to "Where do we go
from here?" is closely linked with the
complementary question, “From where
do we соте?” Thus, any genetic peculi-
ity in а child. such as a Euge nose, red
һай or a particular aptitude for some
craft or skill, will suggest that he is the

i of an ancestor remembered
as having the same waits. Moreover,
families that have [or centuries special-
ized їп, say. flint knapping, or wood
cuving. or drumming. or medical diag-
nosis, tend to bequeath craft. memori
to their children in a way that rules out
merely environmental explanation. This
evidence of. particu opposed то т:
cial, inherited memory naturally but
tresses a belief in reincarnation, I read in
a scientific report recently that when
planarian worms have been given pieces
of other worms to cat, particular memo-
ries of the defunct are transferred. to
them. 1 wonder if that is why, in certain

West. Afri

is m:

cm. kingdoms, every new king
le to em а piece of his predeces
sor's heare: gest the royal tradition,
as it were?

So we come to India, where Brahmin
priests use the doctrine of metempsychosis
to control public morals as successfully
as their Western colleagues use heaven
1 hell. and where the dark, primi
tive Dravidians of the south have gradu
ally converted their north
to a belief in animal reincarn
ertheless, these Brahmii
bine it with their original
Judgment view, preaching that whoever
breaks their moral code be sen

tenecd, after death. to be reborn as
ss, pig, dos, monkey or as some even
les esemed aeamue. The general

Brahmin theory is that one is whirled
ously around on the wheel of
g through a huge variety
ning to the divine
source, The later Indian theologi
mate their number as 8,100,000.
The theory of metempsychosis
rigued many British soldiers, engincers.

5 es

"Dm not an Arab, ain 12”

235

PLAYBOY

236

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planters and civil servants. who had
worked in India under the British raj.
though it bad already
professional classes at home throug]
compulsory ıe
the universities
who accepted. Pythagoras
nysus, god of the hallucinoge
teries at Samothirace, Eleusis, Corinth and
elsewhere, Dionysus was worshiped as а

reached the
the

ng ol Greek classics at
especially ol Plato.
faith in Dio
mys

redeemer who persuaded men to purify
their lives: so that their souls might rise,
cach time, a little higher on the divine
scale and eventually be freed Irom the
same wheel of necessity and return for
ever te the mystic goddess, Persephone.
Plato's Republic conta
son ol Armenius, who fell sick, was
wd for. dead a

ns the vison ol

mo 1. on recovery. de-

saribed his visit ıo the infernal place of
judgment, where souls reassemble alter
а мау in hell or purgatory. and there
choose new humun or animal fo
rebirth. Er saw Orpheus changing into a
Thracian

ns Гог

swan and "Thamyris, a blind
bard, into i htingale, АП these souls
then dimk of Lethe, the river of forget-
fulness, and shot. aw like stars, into
their new bodies. Er had not, evidently,
lenned of an alternative to Lethe that
has recently been found inseribed on
certain gold Orphic tablets hom. Samo-
thrace, tied around the necks of Sici
corpses. This alter
secret password to the guardians of a
secluded well in the underworld—proba-
bly overhung by the hazel wee of wis
dom—at the same time, attesting their
purity of heart and demanding 10 be
made heroes in Регерһопе paradisal
court

A Brahmin friend of mine Irom south
Гаа,
to take ап objective view of metempsy-
chosis, wrote to me recently

\с was to give a

who is now Westernized enough

For us Brahmins, Brahman is the
supreme principle, like the Western
"God" Today the central core of
can liberate
ge ol human
unite with

Hinduism is how a n
his soul from the bond
binh and death, and
Brahman. Buddha. after his enlight
emment, recalls his previous. exist
ences

One, two, thhee—a hundred
thousand births, many
of the world’s disint
many an acon of its reintegra
tion, -. . In my
existences, 1 remembered such

n acon

ration,

wied former

amd such was my пате. my
sept. my class... . and my
term ol dfe. When 1 passed
thenee, 1 experienced other

existences, wherein such and
such was my name. Thence E

pased to my present life, in

which 1 recall my diverse past

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existences their det

nd features.

Once, when I was 12 years old, 1
lay exhausted on a coir cot after
days of fever. It was а hor after-
noon and our Lage family sat in the
cool of the veranda after the meal,
the younger men dozing, the wom-
en falling into lazy rhythms of me-

chanical household tasks and the
children playing draughts nearby,
half listening to the women's talk.

At this hour, very old people would
nder from house to house and
exchange gossip, As they talked
about legendary figures or tokl sto-
ries of their younger days, the pei
suasive lilt of voices drew us into a
world of magic. The sun helped the
enchantment by making us drowsy
and suggestible,
A beautiful young woman named
Kamala had shyly joined us. She
was a new arrival in our villise.
having recently married the schoo
master. The sadness of Kamala’s
eves attracted me. She always
talked softly and slowly, as if trying
10 recall forgotten: memories. That
afternoon, she told my grandmother
how happily married she now
She stressed the word "now"
cause of hav
band in her last incarnation, Не
had beaten her daily, and though
she adored their child, one day she
could stand his behavi
Hugging the infant to her breast,
she had walked to a deep well and
drowned them both. Kamala shud-
dered as her story ended. She was
worried that she might not have a
child in her new incarnation
child by an affectionate husband,
for a change. After studying her
Tace dosely. 1 believed. her story. А
year or two later, I decided to test i
by making secret inquiries їп the
distant village that she had named,
There 1 found that the suicide story
was true and that the husband had
recently died. Kamala had never
сї to meet h 1 since her

be-
ng had a cruel hus-

Many simil s came
way. always about unhappy
vious lives. Some were factu:
verifiable. bur in mo case did :
m to have reached old

my
pre-

опе ¢

or died a natural death. Though I
could not mistake the sincerity of
the narrators, who always spoke of

the past with detachment, neither
could D persuade myself that they
had been personally active in the
scenes they described.

My Brahmin [rend has here, unwit-
tingly. perhaps. accounted for the wide-
spread Indian. belief in metempsychosis.

As а child, Kamala may have been halt

asleep one day at the village gossip hour
and overheard the suicide story from a
Which brings up the famous case
E s reported by Jung—ol
the ignorant servant girl who talked He-
brew in a hypnotic trance. She was dis-
covered to have been formerly employed
by a rabbi, who had recited the Talmud
aloud at night in his study downstairs.
Her drowsy mind had acted like a tape
recorder and she remembered reams of
rabbinical comment, though not in the
least knowing what the words meant.
Ka mind may have acied similarly,
except that the story was told in her own
language, so that the meaning had im-
pressed itself on her. And just as Ameri
will

cm or English children cast
themselves imaginatively as the heroes ог
heroines of fairy tales, so Kamala had

the drowned
ation theory

identified herself with
woman and used the reincar
to support her claim.

So we return to Bridey Murphy,
whose story was obviously not fiction in-
vented by Ruth Simmons. My guess is
that she had overheard in childhood
some old woman, perhaps her grand-
mother, retelling what she had heard
from some other old woman. The tape
recording made by Morey Bernste

|
i

points dearly in this direction, because
though, under hypnotism, she talked
with a brogue in describing her sup-
posed preincarnation, the language she
uscd was of too late а date to have come
from Pridev herself. My eye balked at
amisoles" and ”

and:

the words

too early for camisoles.
Northern Ireland—the first
recorded mention of them appears in
The Gentleman's Magazine. published in
London ten years later; and “c
general tam for sweetstulls is

especially i

1y" as a
Ameri

cam, not an early Trish, usage. Which
we are h

means ih ing her story at
second or third hand. So I am not sur-
prised to learn that St. Theresa's Church
at Belfast, where Bridey claimed to have
been married, was not built until 1911;
and that Queen's University, where her
husband is said to have taught, was still

Queen's College in his day, not having
been raised to university status until
1908. Morey Bernstein мое The

Search for Bridey Murphy as an. exposi-
iom of the paranormal powers of the
mind under hypnotism, but succeeded in
proving only what was already know
namely, that hypnotism can uncover lost

237

| iat 7 : i i P TT i T il

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238

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memorics—among them, 1 conver-
sitions overheard in sleep.

The receptive m is occa
lly gramed visions of the рам. as
many welkattested ghost моге have
proved. Bur these pl па seem to
1 on ghe so
of ghosts, m

in the mind of з
visitor, especially il the w
the hour correspond with the original
occasion

j, D wrote a poem allel The
which recorded a childh
mare of be 10 escape
from a i

alls. mounds, enclosing corruga-

lions.

Of darkness, moonlight on dry
grass.

Walking this courtyard, sleepless, in

Planning to use—but by definition
Тенеу no way out, no way ош—
Rope ladders, balks of timber, pul
deys,
A rocket
and most—
Machines easy to impr

ag over the walls

o escape.
No such thing; to dream of new
dimensions,

Cheating chechmate by painting
the kings robe

So that he slides like a queen:

Or to ery, “Nightmare, nightmare!”

Like a corpse in the cholevapit

Under a load of corpses;

Or io run the head against these

blind walls,
Enter the dungeon, torment the
eyes

With apparitions chained two and
two,

And go frantic
To dic and w
moonlight
In the same courtyard, sleepless ах

bcfenc,

One afternoon, 1
Berry Pom
This was d

years Later. 1 visited
ile in Devonshire.
ng the Second Worhl War,
and 1 found it dosed по visitors, except
in the mort bur а worn trick ran
under the ed in
Though overcome by a nameless 1
1 resolutely visited the dungeon.
could stand. the strain. no longer and
red. back 10 safety. Two days kuer n
4d» were visited bv Mr.
md ol my local typist. We
ul he casually asked whether T
w the Berry. Pomeroy Castle. Ves. in
11 dic. "Well. what do vou make of
asked. showing me a photo
d added: “1 don't know how
ne into the picture, I
round at the time. Ht

«аи sce anvo!

looks like she's leading a dog on a string.
1 was there last Sunday morning with
the wile. Would you like to keep it as a
curiosity?

The photograph showed a tall. thin
woman in Mth Century costume, walk
ing past the gate that I had wriggled un-
small ape on a chai
When Mr. Beer had gone, I burned the
photograph. It was too horrible. But, for-
tunately, my wife will кему to the
1 and the ape. I recalled the Eli
"To lead apes in hell.
used it in Much Ado About
to be a
woman cheated of her sex life, And 1 con-
duded that Mr. Beer, а simple soul, had
felt the presence of that unhappy woman
in the castle court and somehow
pressed the picture on his sensitive ca
cra plate. But, if so, who was she? She
had nothing to do with me

Years later, 1 read that Isabella of

won

passionate

France, Edward Hs widow, had spent
some years at Berry Pomeroy. As a
young woman, after providing the

throne with an heir apparent, she һай
been neglected by her homosexual. hus-
d in fa
Gaveston, Eventually, she deposed him
with French help, procured his murder
and pur her son, Edwad HMI, on the
throne. He did not, however, piove
grateful and sent her off, under guard. to
various Gee keeps remote fow Lon:
don; until, after many years of “leading
apes in hell,” she took the veil of the Or-

of his boyfriend, Piers

der of St. Clara, Had I been an Indian, 1
t well have claimed а preincarna-
tion as Isibella ut bei myself, 1 ac

counted otherwise for my feclings of fear
at Berry Pomeroy The Gastle
poem. As a child, 1 ha
summer holidays in
Harlech Castle, which had. been built in
the 13th Century by Edward Is father:
an immense, scary, ‚ Чочу
resembling Berry Pomeroy. We children
were alw raid of geting locked up
there at nightfall by the deal old castlc-
keeper, Mr. Richard Jones, while we
de-anulseek in its towers
In fact, Mr. Beer's photo-
n no more than a strange

were playing |

and dunscoi
ph had be
coincidence.
А story: A devout widow once got in
touch with her dead husband at a spirit-
istic séance, A loose liver, he had finally
been shot by a jealous husband. The
widow at once recognized his voice and
siid anxiously: “Oh, darling, how are
you? I've been so worried. That dreadtul
hell. . . ." "I'm fine!" he answered. "I'm
clover—literally. My! Youd love it
here, Beautiful blue river, glorious green
meadows, sun blazing down and me sur
rounded by the most beautiful cows
you've ever seen in your life—so sleck
wd graceful and. charming!" She gasped
ıd ventured doubtfully: "Oh, I am so

r
realized
heaven
"Who told you that I was in heaven,
stupid? I'm stud bull at à farm of pedi
gree Jerseys beside the old Mississippi
Having time, 100."

ieved, Charles! But, honestly. I hadn't

that there were any cows in

whale of a

The simplest and most obvious arg
ment against metempsychosis is that
memories of preincirnation depend. on

the human mind, that the mind depends
on its brain. that the brain. depends on
its body and that the body depends on
its racial history and genes. It is dillicult
to accept that Pythagoras actually r
membered having been, as he chime
merchant and а prostitute; or that Em-
pedoces, the Filth Century в.с. Sicilia
remembered having been a simple vil
lage gil at one time. a milles fish at
nother amd a bodiless bush at a third.
ut. Pythagoras may easily at some time
or other have imagined himself a me
t or a prostitute by feeling a sudden
h of sympathy for members of those
unmysticil callings. And Empedocles
may have stood still in a forest onc day,

like a bush; or have swum thoughtlessly
п the sea and felt like a fish.

Human reactions
haic instincts, m
femoris, as when
the roof of a building and explodes and
the shocked. survivors absurdly uy 10
soatch a hole through the tiles with
their nails—because their remote ances
tors would have acted like that in some
tage of the human evolution from three-
eyed lizard to hominoid. Nev
the common flying. dream is no proof
that the dreamer was ever a bird: or, i
deed. that any of his ancestors were,
since palcontologists deny this link in our
evolutionary chain. It seems to be either
metaphorical of а wish 10 Пу away from
our present. circumstances or else—since
time is only a convention and memory
works both ways: cither as reminiscence
or as prophetic anticipation—of а future
ge when human beings will develop
wit birds once did, and dispense
planes and rockets.

heless,

g5
with balloon

239

PLAYBOY FORUM

the gods of Olympus; and, within 100

years, the religions of that God will be as

dead as is the religion of ancient Greece.
Hal Sawyer
Hiram College
Hiram, Ohio

PLAYBOY

THE GREAT VOID

As a Buddhist. 1 am amused by the
so-called enlightened discoveries of death-
of God theologians such as the Reverend.
William Hamilton and Rabbi Richard
Rubenstein (in their pLaynoy articles of
August 1966 and July 1967). Buddhism
has been a dcathol-God theology for
2500 years and has accepted the Gre:
Void without the fear and trembling
that afflicts. Judaco-Christian thinkers
when similar wisdom is revealed to
them. It is not a little ironic that Jews
and Christians have long thought of
themselves as "chosen people" and have
regarded the religions of the Orient as
primitive, superstitious and. crude, com-
pared with those of the West. They now
«c. as the most advanced of their
7 rhe mystical and

annou
spiritual “discovers

uo “... This bar has sure changed in the last couple of years. . . .

(continued from page 92)

which Bud-
f millenniums

existential atheism from
dhism started two and a
ago. If they learn humility because of
their dilatory revelation, they may finally
be able to look without flinching into the
Great Void and see that this experience
achievement of enlightenment
ather than a cause for

Thomas Kee
Los Angeles, California
UTOPIAN COUNTERBALANCE

bi Kubenstein's article Judaism
and the Death of God (eLaynoy, July)
greatly impressed me. His statement chat
"we live in the time of the death of God”
and that this death is à cultural event
reveals the author's. profound. awareness
of the cultural, historical
all thought about God, either de
alive. This statement is one of the с
st concise and penetrating state-
s 1 have read on the subject.

His insight i ту. He scems
id the sacred is

nitations on
1 or

ود

trend, this realization son not for
optimism but for pessimism. Perhaps
Rubenstein’s interpretation is a needed
counterbalance for weak-headed utopian
ism. Because I see dew need for norm
and codes than docs Rabbi Rubenstein, I
not completely share his pessim

The rabbi's notions of the new pagan-
ism and the mystic wend in our society
are further clear, concise statements of
cultural facis. These are expressions of a
n search, on the one hand for con
munity, on the other for genu
to replace the tra

Like the June Playboy Panel on Re-
ligion and the New Morality, Rut
stein’s article manifests the honest a
open approach you have taken in re
ligious and moral issues. You allow each
side to give its opinion, even if that
opinion is not your own. I hope you will
continue to invite outstanding men io

Dominican College Camp
Menominee, Michigan

THE DEVIL'S DISCIPLES

1 am the spokesman for the First Or-
der of the Revealed Light. a religious
body devoted to chopping away at hypoc-
. particularly religious hypocrisy. Ou
church. was incorporated in 1959 (which
1 old time church by
ards). Our deity is the Devil,
od is dead.

since
In addition to PrAvBov, other rcl;

ble
sources (Time, Look and Redbook)
ave confirmed that this well-known
Lord of Hosts passed away recently. He
legendary figure in His time. and
aimed to have t and dark
ness, water and land, and created а uni-
verse. Death came 10 the controversial

Supreme Being approximately during
the 20th Century as millions of His fol-
lowers were paying their respects and

their bank rolls to. Him in thousands of
cdunches God had been sick recently
and had mot taken an active role in
rihly affairs, News of the death took
many of His friends and enemies by su
pris. Some people completely denied
the event, despite the irrefutable cvi-
dence, and a few 100k to wearing but-
tons that siid, GOD Is NOT DEAD, HF 15
HIDING IN ARGENTINA.

Many of God's decisions were contro
versial, Nearly every war, plague and
disaster were God's will, although His
proponents noted that peace,
and welfare were sometimes
proved.

We reject heaven for violati
Despite. con:
about discrimination,
is policy of admitting only those souls
that meet the rigid requirements. estab-
lished by the clergy. Charles Whitman,
who won acchim for the murder of 16

medicine
also

ap-

A.
ts

ble proi
heaven continues

people, including his wife. mother and
an unborn baby. died a good Catho
and has apparently made it to heaven
Carholic authorities stated. to the press
that Whitman had not acted. rationally
and could be absolved of his possible sin.
Unfortunately, the unborn baby and
several other of his victims did not di
in the grace of the Church and will have
10 go to hell. With angels like Whitman
floating around heaven, may we offer
word of caution to those people wishin:
10 go to heaven? Понт turn your back
The Rev. Ted Kastenb:
First Order of the Revealed Light
Los Angeles, California

THE MASHED-POTATO MENACE

One of your readers has темитесей
the old mashed-potato menace in a clev:
er parody of antimarijuana: propaganda
(The Playboy Forum, September). This
device frequently employed by pro
fessos of sociology 10 warn their sit
dents against the misuse of statistical
evidence, The usual rigamarole is more
complicitcd than the version. presen
by your reader and goes someth
this: 97 percent of the murderers exe:
cuted in America in the past 50 veers
were habitual eaters
89 percent of juveniles under 19 who con
mit crimes of violence consume mashed
potatoes shortly before committing their
crimes: 92 percent of the rapists and 93
percent of the arsonists in Federal pris
fons are mashed porno users: aad $3 pe
of all burglars are potato addicts.

You «ап substitute “reads erotic
books" or "looks at violent TV shows
lor "cas mashed potatoes" and obtai
similar figures. Atheists are delighted to
present equally shocking figures for
“those who habitually attend church.”
асу in such arguments is that no
figures are given for those

is a

who shed potatoes and do лог
commit murder, rape, arson or other
violent acts. Unless the allegedly crime
inducing a t is as ridiculous as mashed

potatoes, most people will miss the point

and will ike such arguments seriously.
Warren Robertson. Ph. D.

rnavaca, Мез "

POT PARAGON
My dual role i

life would be funny,
except dar it occasionally makes me
weep. D am what the establishment
would call a successful wife, mother. pil
lu ol society simi
aches’: magazine terms. I play the gracious
hostess t0 my husband's business asso-
Cates, entertain our but not cool.
friends and chaperone teenage parties. T
successful. business career and do
writing on the side.

and

have

som

Tm a paragon of virtue to the square
but what they don't know is that T
so smoke marijuana when I cin buy
I when 1 can find а few hours pri-
асу. 1 don’t endanger lives by driving

“We're saved! We're saved! I think.”

make am ass of

all aysell as Гус seen
many of my respeciable Ген do айс
a dew martinis, 1 just quietly “tern on
1 listen to good music, read, write and
ajoy and love everything. My
ness of, and appreciation for, the simpler
things in Jile has increased: my writing
has improved: I no longer care much for
akoholic drinks: E smoke Jess and my
appetite is keener but less gluttonous. In
other words, Гус become а better per-
ddic
© drugs nor have 1 withdrawn from
ihe world around me.

hi infuriates me t

re-

son. E have no desire 10 go on to

I can walk into a

liquor store, buy a quart of bourbon, go
smashed

с. get nd still remain

al and buy it on the sneak
from teenage contacts who think it's
Шу wild and groovy lor an old lady to
be blowing pot

1 don't think everyone should “nwn
on" nor do 1 wholly approve of. young
people getting too wrapped up in it—but

then, T don't approve of young people
drinking excessively, either. A` respon-
sible adult should be able to decide for
himel! whether to smoke marijuana.
If marijuana became legal, it would
probably be less of a problem than it is
now. My personal theory the
lult generation started. turning. on. the
kids would lose . They like 10
have their own 1
(Name withheld by request)
San Diego. California

The Playboy Forum” offers the oppor-
tunity for an extended dialog between
readers and editors. of this. publication
on subjects and issues raised in Hugh
M. Hefners continuing editorial series,
“The Playboy Philosophy.” Four booklet
reprints of “The Playboy Philosophy.”
including installments 1-7, 12, 13-18
and 19-22, are available at 50€ per book-
let. Address all correspondence on both
“Philosophy” and "Forum" to: The
Playboy Forum, Playboy Building, 919 N.
Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ilinois 60611.

241

PLAYBOY

242

BOPPER BRIGADE

self-defense instructor.
teaches still pornography. And the music
counselor is Ali Akbar Khan,

We have two religious services a week
—the Christian one is kd by John Len-
non and the Hindu priest is George Ha
rison. William Burroughs is the camp
doctor.

Andy Warhol

There are no square sports here at
Camp Acid—onr grand guru is totally
turned oll by the gameplaying syn-

drome of the middleaged, middle-
class, whiskeydrinkirg, siaight-moking.
symbol-manipulating, napalm-bombit
blishment fink-outs—bur we do do some
cresting exercises from а how-to book
led the Kama Зита. My only com-
plaint is about the food. We have two
chefs, named Yin and Yang, and they
don't give us much to eat, Fm gering а
le tired of morning-glory seeds, salt
nd nutmeg on my peyote cereal.

The other night, the head counsclor,
Tim Leary, gave a consciousness-
expansion lecune. He demonstrated three
new ways to blow your mind without
drugs—hip frontal loboto reversible
visions through acupuncture of the eye
and а tourniquet of the heart.

A lot of the counselors are very р
noid because the man who drives the
garbage truck into camp every day looks
like Harry Anslinger and all the garbage
lovuk like a

men 10s.
My team won this summer's halluci
nation contest. We had three freak-ou

(continued from page 188)

days of time-lapse gangster. grass inner-
space voyage 390-microgrammed wasted
karma leaf zonked strung out mandala
boo stoned complete with total mind-
p—and not a bummer in the crowd.
Ie was great fun, We yelled the camp
cheer: Two, four, six, cight—we wanna
hallucinate. And we sang the camp
marching song: Eight Miles High.
Well Fd better take а downie now
id get some sleep. We've got to get up
nly for our trip tomorow and they
don't use а bugle for ieveille here. In-
sicad. they turn on these bright flashing
sirobe lights. Boy. does that get you out
of bed fast.

Try 10 make it Sunday уои really
flip! You'll be real proud. They're gonna
give me the Lenny Bruce Memorial
Award for Self-Destruction. 1 got it for
shooting up with My

Your loving psychedelic son,
Heady Stone
THE FLOWER GIRL: Si ar-old

Fleur d'Amour, golden hair flowing
down around her ankles, walks down
Ashbury Street peddling Mindfreak, San
sco's superpsychedelic azine.
Passersby stop to gawk at her costume,
which consists of knee-high rawhide

boots with polished-aluminum irim. a

s and a

miniskirt woven from dried gr
multicolored shawl dat is wrapped
wd her upper torso and trails ten
feet behind her. The wain of the shawl

| TELEPHONE,

“Hello, Mom—I got the job.”

is made from red and yellow flowers,
which she offers benignly to each of the
people on the street. A sign has been
xiled in Day-Glo green and blue let
ters on the front of her shawl; it reads
SEND YOUR EGO ON A TRIP—YOU'LL FEEL
A WHOLE төт BETTER WHEN 11's GONE.
When she finishes peddling her maga
zines, Fleur wanders over to a vegetable
store, where she boosts handfuls of scal-
lions, carrots and. black-eyed peas. She
husttes out of the place and makes her
way down a side strect, where scores of
downandout vagrants and long-haired
teenagers have formed a line in front of
а small coal stove with а 50-gallon oil
dium on top. A young man in stovepipe
hat, granny glasses, Japanese gela and
frayed coveralls with matching. fluore
cent patches is perched shakily on cud-
hoard boxes piled beside the drum so he
сап stir its bubbling contents. He has
laxen hair down to his waist, which
ally strays into the
As he stirs, he sings:

The power
bigger

Oh, eve up your greed and join us a
Digger

ach memb

group,

And по one has died from our greasy
warm soup.

of love gels bi

y is pure in our jolly

Hi is Fleurs boyfriend, Jon Quill

Fleur helps Jon disiribute the broth to
the scraggly group and then gives him a
present, brownie made from dandelion
leaves and a pinch of marijuana that she
baked herself, They go off together, pass-
ing the brownie back and forth between
them. chewing very slowly

They head for San Francisco’s newest
gathering расе, The Flower Por. Writ-
ten on its window in Mowing. paisley
scrawl is the word INWALATORIUAT. Inside
are rows of small enclosures, cach. con
taining a barrel filled with dried. fra
grant petals. The barrels are marked with

MS CAMELLIAS, ORCHIDS, nac

LOR'S-HUTTONS, MORNIN
verse others, Fhe Pot
people sitting around
their favorite fh
Jon put on their

LORS amd di-
is crowded. with
barrels sniffing
ances. Fleur and
recolored glasses

nd are about to emer when they are
stopped by а well-known San Francisco
cotics detective, “Hark, the пат!” Joi
Quill says. "Is the fuzz called Mork.”
unny running into you, Jon Quill,”
Mork says “I have been thinking that

you and I should chat, lt has come to my
auention that you are holding |.
ози» of illegal fruit."

a base

canard.” Jon re

sponds. “АП 1 have аге Fleurs humble
roses.”

Mork eyes Fleur suspiciously. “Why
must you aggress?” she asks Mork.

“Thou should be wise, not willful. I will
instruct you," She reaches under her
shaw] and brings out it copy of the 7

Book of Changes. buys some potat a bus stop from a sweet and start to sing their first number. They

Ching, the Cl у
adom and reads, “The Tittle old Lady, who keeps the stash ina accompany themselves on an electric

She opens it a

people take diverse paths. The leader Safeway shopping bag. Chér begins to washboard and an amplified comb. li

docs not own the through smoke it from a hoc sheen sounds like a combination of Ormene
Don't wise off.” Mork says. Ll cleverly disguised to look tike Сос: ad Bob Dylan screaming with

run the two of you She alternates drags with rills from Ри} his foot caught in a barbed-wne fence.

(Ше Magie Dragon). After 30 seconds. Mr. Mafioso shouts.
In front of the Vatican. her boyfriend — "Malone! What the hell do you call

Frodo is waiting for her. They me that noise? Joe Valachi sings better than

Beatle boots. black you two girls"

t Cong раја rode pleads. “Don't make fun of our

ша bottoms kes. countrvamd-money music. It took us

They each have their own transistor hows to perfect.”

Roses. wild.” it stereo earplugs tuned to the local

We love you,” say Jon and

dressed е
bell-bottom

“I invested forty

mild exultation: method of station. Both have shoulder-lengih sit this club and you

tion. This drug is probably . Thev look like twins, except expect me to ler vou sing thar aap? It
serous." "Let's go.” Mork says to Jon sounds. like tion ol Ornette
l. He pushes the long-haired boy to T g with

his loot caught in а barbed-wire lence.
Get the hell out of here!”
odo down and

cruiser, Jon is forced

but he casts а be ewell glance
ard Fleur d'Amour.

Forget me not, Jon Quill.” she calls,

as the car swings out into the traffic. from Grosse Pointe.” and-money sobs.
“How did vou meet?" Recalling a phrase from her own
Cher says, "Well, 1 flew out here on „ you're nothi

Daddy's Lear jet amd enrolled in the parasitic Га

Free University. w dirt and money.

ing a course called Trotsky g you ош for fifty thou

moves three stolen albums hom under- on the Morown Sound. But we were She reaches into her Army surplus

her Fifth Fleet wker amd both expelled for leading а student pra. 2mmunition-bag purse and throws Lage

ман off to meet her boyfriend, [5-year test against the CLA research going onin bundles of $100 bills at his feet.

old Frodo Farina, at the Vatican Disco. the school’s chemistry lab." As Mafioso vetrews, they start singing

thèque, where whi эп. On After the interview. they are greeted their madrigulrock version of Home on

the way. she panhandles а welldhesed by the chil ‚ Joe Mafioso, the Range.

lor ten dollars and immediately Frodo and Cher get up on the stige a

hey

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243

PLAYBOY

244

of the individual. In a n
pointing of a finger cr s

ion of guilt, the failure to talk is f
But we have the accusatorial system under
which a person accused is presumed

inocent, the burden being on the Gov-
ernment to prove the charge beyond a
reasonable doubt.

Our right of privacy includes the right
to stand mute under police interrogation.
‘The guilty may be the beneficiaries of
this privilege. Yet so may the innocent.
‘There is hardly a person who, though

wnocent, sometime in his life has not
been caught in а web of circumstantial
evidence that might implicate him in a
minor or a scrious crime. Prosecutions
are often based on circumstantial evi-
dence, and he who talks may be making
concessions that are grist for the prosc-
cutor's mill. So the right of privacy—the

li 10 stay mute—expressed in the
Filth Amendment occupies a high place
in our scheme of values

What I have said
American idea

represents the
1. But this right of privacy
is being more and more invaded, more
and more violated.

In the carly days of the New Deal, the
fth Amendment
honored. In the Pecora investigation [the
1933 investigation of American financiers
by the Senate Committee on
and Finance] and in the one I conduc
for the Securities and Exchange Com-
mission into reor tices, no
witness was even asked a question when
it was known he would invoke the privi-
lege. With the arrival of Senator Joseph
McCarthy in 1947 on the national scene,
nvocation of the privilege became a
badge of infamy. Witnesses were, indeed,
summoned to see how many times they

- But I'm sure you ll all agree that whal our new
Kos manager lacks in ability and experience, he
more than compensates [от by being my son.”

le lo voke thc th
The phrase “Fifth Amend.
ommunist" became an epithet
socalled scholars bandied

could be m
Amendment.
ment
that е
out.

Police are supposed to get warrants to
War-

arch [n
ииз аг

es and to arrest. peopl
seldom issued these d
Arrests for
as 7000 a year in the na
There is of course, no
me,” except in Madrid, Pel
cow, Bangkok, Rangoon.

A lady on welfare who secretly has “а

such
ing, Mos

тап из her welfare
payments. Midnight raids by inspectors,
who get into homes without warrants,

have become common. The inspectors
are looking for “a man,” whose presence
means that the female recipient of aid is
perpetrating a “fraud.”

Vagrancy laws are used as the excuse
for arresting innocent people or unpopu-
lar people or suspects.

A man in Los Angeles en route to a
delicatessen at ten м. may resemble
someone for whom the police are search-
ing. They bundle him into the car, lock
him up and book him for "vagrancy"
while they investigate. Tucson, Arizor
where the Chamber of Commerce. wel-
comes refugees from the cold and smog
ol East Coast winters, despises those refu
gees who arive penniless. Its v
Там are among the 7
y F

in the winter, their only cime being
poverty and their urge being not to rapt
or rob but to feel a warm sun on thefr
backs.

In some Eastern cities, golfers who
live in the plush arcas of town drop their
colored caddies off at a nearby bus sta-

a sen loitering in a

ue courts convict 20
men a minute of vagrancy, the victims
not being aware of the charge until alter
they are found guilty,

Though the Constitution protects frec
speech and the right of assembly, minori-
ties who exercise those rights often feel
the rough backhand of the law, An un-
popular speaker, who makes an audience
angry, is hauled off to jail, though the
proper police function is to protect him
from the mob.

Breach of the peace is a common cx-
cuse for an arrest when the only offense
is spousal of an unpopular cause, JE the
speaker or picketect resisis. arrest, then

sisting arrest is а second unconstitu-

| charge made against him.
Albuquerque, New. Mexico, a. pro-
т who cannot sleep amd goes for a
midnight walk commits the crime of

tionally, the police could. search
| warrants only for instruments of
crime, for contraband (such as heroin) or

for other illi person's fles.
his diary. his correspondence, his conver
sation were from all. searches.
The police were not free to rummage
around among one's personal effects and
seize correspondence, invo
like. Ones personal effects were in a spe
cial zone ol privacy that was immu
from all poli ions. That has now
been changed by judicial construction
practically nothing is now inmune [roi
search and seizure--even о
phone conversation or hi
tonfidences with his spouse.
Electronic surveillance, as well as wi
is now recognized as a se
within the meaning of the
mdment as respects both
Federal intrusions. Thus. a

tapping:
and иге
Fourth Am
and

le capse" is required:
and the s we must be zeroed
on specific matters and not а gene

dragnet se

Bui beyond police survei
veillance by private parties. It is estimated
that private surveillance through wire
tapping and bugging exceeds ой

cc is sur

»ur-

veillance 200 times. A competitor. a
rival, another family member, a litigant
may make a game ош of "b w
further their private interests. A dient

who talks to his lawyer in confidence,
hioner in ihe
with his priest, is now often

contessional
Iking for

The “buy be in at sta
pler on the Lawyer's desk, in the chande
lier or in inkwell. The receiving set
may be down the street a block or two.

The Gov y be implicated.
The conference room may contain a te
and everything said by a
client to his lawyer in а Government

mini

way

wailing room may be audited.
The men dresed as telephone me
chanics who drive up in a “telephone

Truck may be Government. men, plicit

The man ov the woma

applying lor a
Government job must disclose his or her
ind religion, when, by constitutional
standards,
amy qualit
Tests
often ask,
coming of Christz"—à questio
qualiis some. religious groups.
Government questionnaires probe the
employee's marital relations, his premari
tal sexual relations. his reading habits.
he loyalty and security hearings,
launched by Tranan and extended by
Eisenhower, have now reached 20,000,000,
employees of Government agencies and

those facts are irrelevant to
ions lor Government work

ven by Government. agencies

n the second.
that dis

"Do you believe

of companies having procurement. con
nans. How one voted. whether one
owns Paul Robeson records. whether

Picasso is a hive:

c artist, whether The
New Republic ov Supreme Court deci
sions «d, whether onc
whom e

as a friend
as accused of being

some

“I don't condone it, certainly, but there's nothing
in our code of ethics that specifically forbids it”

“subversive.” whether thinks that
Negro and white blood should be mixed
а blood bank—these are all used as
ideological tesis. The Fact that any ideo-
logical test at all is tolerated is shocking
by Amendment standards. ‘The Fact
that ideas and. beliefs. as distinguished
from actions and deeds, are. probed runs
counter to the Americ constitutional
ideals. Yet we now seem commi

As one views the increasing. intrusions
us realms of
Two, he is. I think. bound to
gree that we are approaching what Or
ı 1084 as follows: "You

live, from habit that
be instine—in the assumption that
every sound you made was overheard,”

As the divin, per capita. de-
crcases and people are concentrated into
smaller and smaller (000 per
square block in some cities). any privacy
that a may once h
But beyond th

one

ist

ed to it.

onvacy. since

well described
had ло live

ame

space

areas

person

gone

sion of privacy due to the preeminence
of Big Brother.

We have not, of course, evolved into

ate мапе, Buc the pattern ol
surveillance and conformity. that pos
sexes us marks a gravitation toward the
collectivistic philosophy. That philosophy
in ultimate terms requires men to walk
n unison, unering no “subversive”
thoughts. reading what the powers that
be consider orthodox and avociatir

only with "sale" people.
Electronics have m.
te any sanctuary. and. to break. down

walls that have guarded people's
confidences. Thus, the police have new
amd terrifying tools to search out even
the ideological sir

The climate of privacy once allowed
the genius of our people to Hourish. We
may in time rebel against its loss. Only
rebellion, 1 think, can
© suffocation

le it easy to ре

t
the

save us from

ultima

245

AOHAWIA

‘An orchid for your gown, my dear."

246

LOVE AND НАТЕ

rather than being truly strong—are
usually frightened men who turn to rape,
because otherwise their fear of women is
so great as to make them impotent in
ermal sexual relations.

The ad even gives evidence of the
type of impotence Avis fears. the us
problem of men who "try harder" pre
mature ejaculation or the inability to last
2 minutes flat.” Afraid that even. two
minutes is too long, Avis talks about girls
who сап finish in 90, 48 and 47 seconds.
Frightened by this admission, Avis goes
hack to its pseudomasculine rape theme
and assures its sadists-in-a-hurry, “And
don't think it won't hurt.

When analytic patients make sig
nificant emotional. statements, they usu-
ally call atrention to it in some manner.
Avis is no exception to the rule. In the
ext line it admits, “When you wear a
button. tha WE TRY HARDER, and
somebody tells you to take it off, tyre
telling you something about yourself."
This is se of projectio
What Avis is g is that it is telling
us something about itself. The rea
me g of the phrase in italics is "We're
telling you something about ourself.”

Again, Avis tries to asume a strong
masculine role by restating the first
headline; but now the underlying weak-
ness breaking through, — becau:
the nextto-thedast statement is,
minutes. If she takes a second long
wcll her to hand the bution over.” But
even this much more tentative command
is now too strong for Avis. It retreats
completely from its tough. position in the
last semence, which pleads, “Please
don't wy to remove it yourself.”

The ction formation has. as ust
failed. Though attempting to

al,

assume a

position and exposed its fear
and vulnerability by pleading for meicy.

not plumb deeper into its psyche and e
plore the fundamental reason for its fecl-
ings of inferiority. Here, Adler does not
go far enough aud we have to tum to
Freud. Why did Avis assume the fe
nine role in its earlier advertising, when
it spoke of being No. 2? Usually, the
young male adopts a [emir
attitude to avoid the threat of casti
Avis is no exception. What does it fear
but “the loss of ils bution"? Obviously,
the button here represents the male or
gan. The question still remains: Who
does Avis fear? Who is the threatening
force before whom this mighty corpora-
tion must prostrate itself if it is not to be
deprived of its phallic button? Here, too,
we are supplied with a symbol so clear
that it cannot be denied, Avis is in mortal
fear of No. 1. Remember the sentence,
“Don't think it won't hurt," meaning, of

(continued from page 152,

course, that Avis is afraid of hurts or, if
we alter the spelling slightly, Hertz, the
dreaded No. 1, the avenging father who
is ready to castrate the upstart son.
No wonder poor Avis emphasizes that it
is only No. it ries. pathetically to
assume the pose of pseudo masculinity

Since its attempt at masculinity didn't
work, we can expect Avis to turn back to
its old feminine ways. Sure cnough, in
the next ad, Avis is beginning to unmask
itself. A ch stic of the anal p
ality, as Freud has pointed ош,
miserliness. Gone is its boast of being a
big spender. Instead, Avis admits, "But
we're nying to sive а buck." It gives
sell away completely by inadvertently
using an old word for [aggot—"we keep
our cars in cream puff condition." Ob-
viously a Freudian slip. "Mother" Avis
is keeping its cars in cream ри} соп
ion. Why? "Just to keep you happ
But Avis is not only trying to keep you
эру. it’s even trying to make up to the
No. 1. The boys who walk
lightly know very well that one way to
avoid the avenger is to seduce him.
Hence, the promise, “If Avis is out of cars
from our competition
not completely forget its
anal preoccupation with money, so we
get the admission: “We'll even lock up
our cashbos and walk you over to the
И vou have any
ig 10 seduce No. 1,
"And don't worn
bout the car our competition will give
you. It’s for an Avis customer and they
know it. This is their chance.

Everything to please No. 1. Avis will
even deliv
give No. 1
chance at what?

Having expressed its. anal-masochistic
fantasies, having failed in its attempt at
pseudo masculinity, Avis then tries to
seduce its master by playing homosexual
slave. Shades of KralltEbing. Now we
must expect a personality breakdown
and. sure enough. Avis тергезм from its
anal position to the earlier oral stage:
Avis needs you." This constant expres
sion of need is usually characteristic of
the oral personality. If you have апу
doubt of it, the first sentence of this ad
reads: “We're still a little hungry." ОГ
course, being oral and therefore bun-
my, it is not too surprising that the
last sentence of the ad refers to food:
“And we know which side our bread is
buttered on."

Tn the oral homosexw:

‚ we often find

paranoia or pathological suspicion. so
now Avis treats us to a whole series of
paranoid ads, One ad boasts about spies

and, like all par
tion: "Company spies
ther is bei 7 OF course, a para-
oid homosexual hates women and the
Avis is no exception:

"That's how our Mr. X carves out a liv-
ing: bugging Avis girls. Just to sce if he
1 wipe the smiles off their faces." After
all, Avis has plenty of men working for
it, but no, Мт id to torture the
girls, or that's what they are telling us.
We all expect other people to feel the
way we do. Avis is no exception. Being
suspicious, it expects suspicion from the
world. "People who notice the low mile
age on our cars sometimes get a little s
picious.” Also, paranoids often believe
they are in imminent danger of annihil
tion, and friendless (“We know you carry
that other charge card, 100"). Poor Avis,
look where its mad passion has led it.

Howevei can't be a masochist
without having a sadist, For

unfor Avis, Heriz, after
pret we, finally came

through. Iu a simple, stark—if somewhat
ambiguous—ad, No. 1 showed its atti-
iude nonverbally. With a clenched fist
d a single upraised finger (the indes.
but this was for family magazines).
Hertz gave Avis the bird. And though
one picture is worth 10.000 words
It turned to the
rasm.

The finger is still there, but now
there's more—"No. 2 says һе tries hard
ег. Than who” Herz blandly accepts
the mantle of superiority Avis has so
consistently offered it and proceeds to

boast of iis superiority. Where Avis
offers a quarter, Herz magnanimouslv
offers Irs really rubbing it in. Al-

most every line in the ad is designed ло
say, “Mine is bigger than yours." Even
the word "blood" gets into the ad, in
саке Avis has any question about No. I's
sadism. Finally, the unkindest cut of all,
pretends to ignore No for at-
tention and sarcastically ‘Speak
up No. 3. Is it you tl

y sadist. it knows that
indillerence can cause the greatest pain.

In the next ad, Hertz cor
theme about being bigger and beucr. lı

even pretends mock sympathy: "les
tough being No. 2.” After the sympathy.
it proceeds to ridicule poor No. 9: "If

you were in the car rental business and
you were No. 2 and you had only half as
many cars tooller and about half as many
locations at which to offer them, and
fewer people to handle everything, what
would you siy in your advertising?”

Sarcasm remains Hertz weapon—sar-
casm in which Hertz taunts poor Avis for
is prissiness, finally saying in a nasty
tone, ^Right, your ashtrays are cleaner.
It even adds insult to injury by showing
a Hertz ashtray with a buit in it, a
say, “а real man doesn't bother about
this superfussy cl it.” As Hertz
grows more sadistic, it takes to |
Avis words and spends half the ad
boast s superiority. “Ha, ha, all
you cau we uy hı
cr. " Again, “Mine is bigger than yours."
Hertz gives the supreme

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sadistic reply. While the masochist. Avis,
begs to be tortured. Hertz answers, “No,
I wont": "Aha! You were expecting
another get tough with Avis ad”

But at the bottom, Hertz comes to its
senses. "And now that we've gotten the
irritation ош of our systems, all future
advertising will be devoted solely to
acquainting you with how reliable, re-
sourcelul, helpful and pleasant we are so
you'll come in and rent a car from us in-
stead of our dear friends down the
м T

tharsis has again effected a cure.
Hertz no longer has need of the love
ate relationship, the sadomasochistic.
perverse Iove that the two corporate sin-
ners laid bare for all the world to sce
The open expression of its fcclings has
helped, as it usually does.

Avis. too. seems 10 have overcome its
1 masochistic passion and begins to
le for its freedom. Not only is it
willing to fight for itself, it even offers to
lead others in a comradely struggle for
their emancipation: "No. 2s of the
world, arise!” It proclaims its willingness
10 give up its impotence and arise.

Regrettably, Avis suffered a relapse.
Ina recent ad, we see a hand with a raised
index finger accompanied by а half-raised
middle finger. The copy reads, “Would
u believe Avis is Number 1142" It is
а spurious boast, however: that detumes
cent middle finger is obviously а rever-
sion to ci tasies. A
careful look at the ad indicates that there
is good reason for the recurrence of neu-
tonc behavior In tiny print, we read,
“Avis Rent a Car System, Inc. А world
wide service of ITT.” Now Avis is in
real trouble. Here is a powerful father
from whom it will shrink in primeval
fear. Yet, in time, Avis may grow
to identify with its stong-willed parent,
Intemational Telephone and Telegraph,
and find a truly masculine self-image.

The latest set of ads indicates that
there is hope. Gone is the emphasis on
violence and self-pity. One recent ad
shows a pretty Avis girl who is so self-
assured that she can immediately relate
Ithough in a some
what devious manner—by winking. One
means you're in business, while two
winks will get you a compact. Of course,
she is not allowed to be promiscuous;
over three winks and you are to “dis
regard the message. It’s strictly against
company policy.”

We are so sanguine about the whole
thing that we venture to predict Avis
complete recovery in the near future, In
fact, it may be time to turn our attention
to а dilerem medium—television. Just
what, for instance, is going on with that
armored fellow bestride his white horse
who finds it necessary t0 roam the
countryside trying 10 make everyone very
lean? That's quite a Jance he's got there.

to her customers,

CRIMINAL MENTALITY (continued from page 105)

fairly comfor
der for profit, or rev

will show that what appeared to pre
Gipitate his visit to the psychiatrist was
trouble with his wile, and that the psy-
chiatrist urged him to return next week
at the same time—but he never did

The people he is planning to kill 10
morrow mean nothing to him. Chances
re he doesn't even know them yet. But
he knows dimly they will be women, ‘To

up all night. maki

этом, after

preparations.
over and he is being led away manacled
from the bodies. surrounded by news
permen and television photo,
will smile and say, no. he isn't sorry he
did it and. no, he had no particular rea-
son to do it except that he wanted. to
become famous.

It would perhaps not be good public
policy 10 pursue further this sketch of a
mythical murderer, Several recent mass
murderers have said they were
spired" to horror by the үт given

previous mass mu
know that such publicity cin
more than a trigger асса
ng a homicidal drive already deepset.

. releas

Tn recent months, a Minnesota farmer
shot and killed his w а fne in
which his four children burned to death;
1 2Lycarold high school dropout shot
and killed a family of nine in Canada:
їрєт high on the tower of the Universi
ty of Te п killed 13 people
and wounded 31: a man entered. an
aparin igo and strangled eight
student another man shot five

e and s

nother invaded a beauty

Arizona, forced five

ethodically.
acular and seem-

the floor and shor the

Such shocking, spec
ingly senseless crimes make us wonder
whether 7a criminal mentality," or "killer
instinct." exists and what cin be done 10
protect ourselves from its work, Thi
cle explores those questions and тєшєй
ones.

arti

«c of
a is a peaceable ani
mal, though this should hardly be neces
sary if one remembers. Auschwitz As
Komad Lorenz has shown. of all the са
hiveres. only two Tack built-in inhibi
inst killing me th
nd m
x

Tt may be well to dispose at
the notion that n

ns
r own

species rats

AN hom
tween kill
group and Killing outsiders. The latter is
called "warfare": the former, der
ince man does nor feel inhibited against
kill 1 kind. he has enacted Laws
ish murder, Nonethe

aies distinguish be-
members of one’s own

ТАШУ,
inst it. We pu

nge. or jealousy, or
" motive that we can killer or the mures st
murder ferent. They diller even from the emo

nd. What shocks us is
* What shocks and be-
»hiens us most of all is 1949 sl;

without reas

mass murder
Some mas murders are completely the diagnosis was schizophren
H. people can accept t
Holmes lured more than 20 ladies 10 his kill. (Acuially, they seldom do:
castle in Chicago, mulated most
of them, married some and dispatched
shocked. but. mot. bewil-
dered: greed they could understand, In der.) What bothers people about the
¢ paroled from noni
em- he simply
barked on a series of stickups, killed a ties do not yield to ratio
re Spectacular inexplicable с
il Gilly public attention to а fact al

1948, two young
eformatory”

remembered
ory guard had tr
entered the home péris must. co
or instead, took this man and ply do not know much

went to ser!

of his super
e and daughter to a cornfield, shot
ensuing Day in, day out, jud
people с
« 10 impede their flight. keep, and m
with under those adjudged dangerous 10 society;

who happen
illed both. but

Perhaps you misunde

ge and flight

are comprehensible.
able with mur- But the emotions aroused by the Aus

sniper or the Arizona. beauty parlor
angler ае dif-

ns aroused by Howard Unruh, who in
ightered 13 people in Camden.
New Jersey; for Unruh was psycho

i—and
ides that lunari

their
n under

cannot often org;

taking as LS especially mass mur
sane unmotivated murderer is that
annot be explained. His activi
al analysis.
me simply

C ex

front every day: We sim.
bout the roots of

ninality.

ges MUST assess
wardens must
rehabil

minal respons
w uy t0

te,

А stood. . . . T just said that I
wished you Mother truckers would be more careful. . . .

249

PLAYBO

250 Schizophrenic parent:

parole boards must decide when it is
safe to loose a prisoner on society. These
are sometimes life-and-death decisions.
And they must involve the roots of
crime. Yet knowledge and theory on this
subject are a treacherous swamp
Through this swamp flow three main
streams of thought. One is the theory
that criminality is biologically condi
tioned, or even inherited. An tralian
physician, Cesare Lombroso, in 1876
postulare the born criminal. Lombroso
siid he had established by anthropologi-
cal measurements that the physical and
psychological characteristics of criminals
dilfered strikingly from those of nor
criminals. But soon a British study cx-
ploded them and, as psychoanalysis arose,

Lombrow became almost a joke. In
103). however, Earnest’ Hooton, an
American anthropologist, after studying

15,000 criminals, published his view that
criminals are biologically inferior to non
criminals. Dr. William H. Sheldon, after
studying seve delinquent
young men. concluded that there
necessary relationship between

type—physique—and temperament;
work is an attempt to ground psych
in biology. He found thive ki
linquents—people who ger into trouble
because of mental or medical insufh
v (eae. teeblemindednes), because
of psychotic or neurotic difficulties or
because of none of and for no
other apparent reason. This last, Sheldon
termed the component of "primary
criminality.” In most cases, all three com
ponents were intermingled. In a con-
siderable number of the boys, Sheldon
discerned the component of "primary
minality." He thought that he had
his series ol «т ls the

isa
body
his
try
ids of de

чеп

a
seen in
same th
меси ате qualitative differences in. per
sonalities that. because of imadeq
techniques, eluded them, Sheldon
gested that further biological studies
may show that “delinquency may reside
the cellular morphogenotype." He
intained that the parents of his delin-
quents were themselves. delinquent. and
in “very much the sime way"
about that du
were.

g Lombroso and Hooton had

and to
r boys

the same di

gree

lier. a C
ported that of the identical twins of 13
convicts, 10 had also served prison terms
—but that of the nonidentical twins of

тетп

ı psychiatrist had re-

17 convicts. only 2 had. He concluded
that criminality was biologically de
termined and hereditary. Dr. Franz

Imann has advanced the view that
schizophrenia is hereditary. He has re-
ported that the mathematical probability
of suffering schizophre only 85 per
cent in the general population, but is
164 percent among the children of onc
11 percent for

а nonidentical twin of a person who has
schizophrenia, but it is 85.8 percent for
1 of a schizophrenic
always been split be
tribute mental di
order to physical causes and those who
ly emotional origin.
ost psychiatrists do not. consider the
case for heredity proved (but it has
never been disproved, either). Until a fe
years ago, the work of Hooton, Sheldon
: gely ignored.
discovered the
g drugs.
such as chlorpromazine (Thorazine) and
reserpine (Serpasil), on mental patients,
the whole biological school of thought
gained sudden ascendancy. Too sudd
perhaps—false hopes were sometimes
raised. and the drugs have not proved to
be cure-alls for mental illness. Neverthe-
less, interest in the drugs stimulated
метем in biological research, especially
iochemistry. te. this work has pre
duced по final answer on the “cause” of
mental illness—indeed, it is unlikely to
«lo so, since a single cause for so complex
and varied a phenomenon is unlikely
But it has focused the interest of labora
tory men on human behavior.

The second broad. school of thought
about the roots of criminality is sociologi
cal. As everybody knows, children who
grow up in slums, badly treated ar home
and poorly educated at school,
rounded by teenage delinquency. are
kely to end up in prison. Studies have
documented it, fiom such great sociologi
cal works of the 1920s and 1930s at the
The Gold Coast
and the Slum, The Gang and Delinquen-
су Areas, down to the HARYOU work of
the 1960s, They show that certain areas
of the city favor criminal behavior—
slums in the older parts of the city where
housing is bad. schools are crowded,
poverty is great, family and community
life disorganized, recreational facilities
few, and a tradition of delinquent be
havior is passed on from one generation
to another, as is the tradition of eating
with a spoon. Other studies showed, too,
that “white-collar а
tax evasion, and so on—inaeased
banizatioi
of neighborhood disapproval.

But the sociologists could nor explain
everything, as they themselves said
What of the slum boy who grows up
straight? What of the suburban boy en-
joying ali the outward “advantages” who
goes wrong? The sociologists called at
tention to many important problems of
our cities, problems that are today made
saeamingly acute by the Negro revolu
tion. But in the end, they concluded th
of all the factors involved in criminality
the most important was the subile emo-
tional relationship among members of

the identical twi

Psychiatry 1,
tween those who

insist it is of pu

was,
doctors

when
elects of certain tranquilizi

hen,

bi To d

эш-

ne" —embezzleme;

ur
Increased, removing the brake

the family. And this is far closer to
psychiatry than to sociology.

The third theory of the roots of crime
¢ psychiatrie view: that crime is the
product of psychic deficiency or dis-
order. Like the psychoses, the neuroses
nd the use of alcohol and drugs. crime
is merely опе way of solving problems,
of resolving conflicts. The “sick” person-
ality is the factor that predisposes а man
10 crime; the social environment triggers
the explosion, (Sociologists would put it
the other way around.) The dificul
with the psychiatric theory is that men
tal hospitals are full of psychotics who
committed no crimes; while prisons are
full of people who could not be called
cither psychotic or ncurotic—and the
free world is full of people who have
suffered severe psychic traumas and. yer
have never committed felonies nor
declared. insane,

Eleanor and Sheldon Glueck have at-
tempted to synthesize views,
matching 500 delinquent boys with 500

jondelinguent boys and studying them.
with Dr. William Sheldon’s body-typing,
psychology's Rorschach testing of person-
ality structure and the techniques of soci
ology. They have found that although
both groups of boys came from under-
privileged neighborhoods, the deli
quents individual homes were markedly
inferior to the nondelinquents’ and so
were their relations with their familics;
and they differed significantly. Irom the
wondelinquenis in both body type and
personality structure. The Gluecks con-
cluded that delinquency results from the
interplay of biological. psychological and
cultural factors.

Hardly anyone today questions that
the sociological and psychiatric views of
criminality have validity, and some H
lieve the biological view may be valid,
100. None alone sems sufficient, for
some aimir it traits that support
one theory but not the others. some ex-
hibit two or all three and а few exi
at Teast as far as we can disc

The members of this last group, the
group that shows no discernible patholo-
gy—the seemingly "normal" boy who
may have grown up in an "average"

been

the thiee

home and shows no biological predispo-
sition to crime, the boy who kills for no
apparent rewon—are usually labeled

“psychopathic personality." ‘The psycho-
pathic personality has been called. "the
wastebasket of psychiatry,” into which a
dumped ай men who are not psychotic,

пог neurotic. not mentally deficient
yel there is something very wrong
with them. Sometimes they are called

sociopaths, They seem to 1
war with th

warriors, at

world; and upon occasion,
some sort of psychic storm seems to
overtake nd they kill “senseless
ly." The psychopath is not “insane.” He
knows who he is and where he is and

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251

PLAYBOY

time it is. He dwells in our world,
the fantasy world of psychosis. He
of ¢ intelligence
motions are out of kiler: his
“character.” is

по
may be

above-avera

ut his
moral development, hi
de He ^ consequences
of criminal acts to “Teel”
them. He never learns bx experience. He
never feels remorse or shame. He is
never sorry he Killed. He is the stranger
among us. He rejects society and ану ob-
ligation to it, He has never learned to
wait, He lacks brakes. He is unpredica-
ble. He is cold, remote: he cannot be
reached by the chaplain’ exhortations or
the jailer’s blows or the psychiatrist's
ministrations, He is a wanderer: earlier
in American history, he went West. (and
today he often dwells in the tri
gles of our civilization). He is impulsive,
mma 1 unstable. He commits the
daring, dangerous crimes—bank. robbery,
assault. таре, cop killing. He is the mobs
ved killer
Опе m;
1 смс

the
nable

cient nows"

ше

He commits the “senseless”
ı called him а “rebel

mes.
without

We do not know what produces him.
Perhaps he docs not exist: perhaps “pyy-
chopathic personality” is only a tem we
have invented fà
Class, for those who Рае u
may be the “bor

fit no other
ишег. He
that Lom-
jor" that
criminal”
lester
sociologists saw, the “delec
that the psychiatrists
ilure at resolving the Oedipal
triangle thar the psych
ratlike, animalistic aggressor without inhi-
bition that the ‘apologists saw, the
“pla that Повесте
knew—or the ^mad«log Killer" of tomor
rows headlines. And he may be only an
imaginary beast we conjure up in the
darkness of our ignorance.

those wh

crin
broso saw, the “biological infe
Hooton saw, the “primary
that Sheldon saw. the teenage
that the
tive supereg
the classic

cuss”

ornery

MI this i more than theoretical
ce. To put the matter somewhat

il Sheldon is right. if crimi
у resides in the cellular morphoxeno-

then the solution is. sterilizationz

уре,
if the sociologists are rishi, then we must
totally rebuild our cities; if the psychia-

wists ave right, we must put a psychia-
irist in every kindergarten. Stating the
matter thas extremely suggests the im
portance of theory ло public policy. Pub-
policy for the protection of societv—
should it be? Ideally, it would
ice. Bur it can
should we do?
ied with the pro.
v. the

iestricably entw

эп of society is, in a free soc
protection. of individual freedom.

Ic is no exaggeration to say that the
adi ion of criminal justice is the
һем measure society. бо meas.
our soci

any

y seems superior to, say

China's or Cuba's, though it exhibits scr
ous Haws, Despite high-court strictures,
100 many police still hold. suspects ille-
gally and extract force.
Too often the adversuy system makes
trials contests by trickery. not searches
for truth, Overzealous prosecutors with-
hokt important evidence: overzealous
defense lawyers coach witnesses and
even subvert jurors. Only recently have
state courts heen obliged 1o provide
counsel in noncapiral cases, Occasionally,
the innocent. are. convicted: more alten,
we hope. the guilty go fee. Evewitnesses
itke mistaken identifications, Innocent
men with previous criminal records are
in great d The press influences
juries. Poli pressures and private
prejudices sway judges. Incqui
tences

tenced to a lor

[cessions by

ible se

are common—a man сап be se

m of years for stea
cows in a rural area bur given prob;
tion for robbery in the city. А man can
spend his life on skid row, iu and out of
jail almost constantly. and never see a
lawyer: Criminal justice simply doesn't
operate here. Almost no adulterers. for
hicators, drunken drivers and people
û bet on the numbers are prosecuted
and pi 1 of
those who commit major felonies. More
poor

do, propor
white men, Almost no rich m

пау only al

и 30 pere

ı thim rich men go to prison. So

n
E
ed 13
t only four
1 four of

uitely, more Negroes th
èn
ted. One prosecutor who obta
ih penalties recalls. ih
actually were executed. aud
those were Negroes.

Bat progress occurs. Inaeasingly, i
comis protec the rights of the accused,
despite ignorant ouaries of “coddling
ils." The law moves slowly, but it
moves. and one has the impression
improving the quality of justice in
country.

One question the judge must decide is
the limit of er 1 responsibility. Абе
1813. MeNaghien: Rule applied—a
man was responsible for his acs if he
possessed the ability to know their nature
to distinguish right from
1934. the District of Columbi.
Circuit Coun of Appeals in Washing.
ton, D.C, set forth instead. the Dur-
ham Rule—a man is not criminally liable
the product of mental
se or defect.” Last year, Congress r
pealed the Durham Rule, but the Presi-
dem vetoed the bill; the courts are still
deciding cases in this shadowland. while
eminent Lawyers and jurists
new formulas, Meanwhile, in trial courts
the shameful contest between oppo
apert" witnesses continues. The m
accused of killing cight nurses in Chi
o in July 1966 was adjudged fit to st
ial and convicted. On the other hand,
killer of

is
this

U was

Unruh, the Camden
1940, judged insane, Sometimes
the decision on who gos то prison ai

who gocs to a mental hospi
almost capricious,

In rhe. past. if a man was found not
responsible because of mental illness. he
was consigned to a mental hospital until
he recovered his s
tial, Bur a few months ago. a n
had been found not guilty by ri
"йү sued for release from St
beths Hospital in Washington, cla
he had received no раче аніс treatment
there: and the appellate court remanded
the case “The purpose of involuntary
hospitalization is treatment, not punish-
- Absent treatment, the hospital
sfonmed - . . imo a penitentiary
where one could be held indefinitely for
The patients
By thus

the
ever

ment...

ed ollense. .
mem ds clear.
aserting the “right lo treatment.
count ako spotlighted the facts t
such good public mental hospitals as
St. Elizabeths are woefully unable 10
allord th.
ther,
undersanding ol
methods to neat it ае woefully f

Once a man is adjudged responsible
and guilty and sent to prison, society. i

no convic
Tight to

пе

the person of the warden, guards and,
aore enlightened jurisdictions, social

workers and psychologists and even psy-
chianists. undertakes the task of "rcha-
bilirating" him—reshaping him so he ca
someday safely be set free. This ellort is.
almost without exception, a farce. How
am they rehabilitate а man in prison un
less they know what drove him there in
the first place? Teaching a convict to
weld fenders may keep him out of mis
chief while he is in prison, bur it has lit-
ile to do with what made him a c
and is unlikely to him and so
prevent hi g his aime

from

his rela
з. pro
counselor
bur if his cellmate ds an expe
ober. he is more likely

t elders wisdom than the counselor's
or the teacher's or the chaplains Keep
ing a bank robber busy in a prison indus-
пу may keep him out of trouble in
prison; it is not likely ro persuade him ıo
mend his ways, Putting à man out on an
m camp may
nce him it is better to stay than to
z it is not likely to make lı
tiren, Providing
lor ло help him with his prison made
such as а пау
help bim sleep beter in his cell; it has
nothing to do with rehabilitation. For it
was пот асу, or "poor work habits,
w indifferent relatives, or any of the rest
that brought him to prison in the first
place it was something che, we know

ves to
ig a chap
re all very well:
nced

to heed

farm. or conservation

counsc

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not what. And until we do know, reh:
bilitation inside prison is а myth. Ind.
prison, far from protecting society,
cielys enemy. It does not fit men fo
freedom. It prisonizes men, makes them
wholly unfit for life in the complicated
free world. It teaches far more young
e than 10 repent. teaches them
techniques, not lawful voca-
The fact is that most "rehabilita-
programs are designed to ease the
s lot—and no wonder. lor big
prisons are so crowded, so heterogeneous
and so filled with the world's mislits and
failures and warriors that simply keeping
the place running without riot is all but
impossible, Busy, reasonably contented
convicts are less likely to mutiny than
idle malcontents, But this has nothing 10
do with rehabilitation. The busiest. most
contented convict in the prison may be
the most dangerous to release; he has
learned to live in prison, which means he
is unifit lo live outside it. Only a hard-
core few dangerous Giminals need
maximum-security imprisonment to pro-
tect society—but thousands upon thou.
sands of other miscreants get it. Nearly all
are worsened by it, Some boys could safe-
ly be released after the first night in the
prison reception cell, On the other hand,
some armed robbers ought 10 be locked
up forever: they axe warriors and they will
continue their war on the world when-

men to hi
criminal
tions,

ever able. Some murderers—situational
murderers—coult safely be ser free the
day after their arrest. One such was

called the Spagheui Man. He and his
family had been on relief a long time.
They had no job. no money. and they
had noth it but spaghetti. Finally
his He got a job as a Tibor
сг. He brought home a ten-dollar ad-
vance on his wages and told his wile to
go out the next day and buy the biggest
sirloin steak she could find. That night,
he сате home and found her drunk.
wearing a mew har and swaying back
and forth in front of the stove. What was
she cooking? Spaghetti. He knocked her
downstairs and her neck was broken. He
was uselesly sentenced to 1 to 14 years.

Increasingly enlightened thought holds
that punishment should fit the criminal,
now th tishment alone
scems nor to have successfully protected
society, it is now generally believed that
not punishment but treatment should be

aime.

Since pu

the goal. But in the present мше of
knowledge. this seems almost an idle
dream.

Meanwhile, 98 percent of rhe me

sent to prison someday return to free so-
ciety. Most return worse than they left
And hall of them com
new aimes It is surprising. that
record is not worse,

about onc

The true interest of society lies not in
apprehending, dealing justly with and

imprisoning criminals after they have
committed crimes but in identifying
them before they commit them. Soi
times this is possible. Warning signs may
rly in a boy's Ше—һе may hide
senselessly, develop odd cating
bits. throw his mother’s perlume down
the sink, become afraid to walk on grass,

seem polite but remot ad strange, fall

behind in his studies, set fire to his
parents’ bedroom, break furniture and,
growing older. molest a child and ran

sack а neighbors house without stealing
anything. A few years ago, a boy in New
Jersey did just this. No criminal charges
were filed, but his worried parents took
him voluntarily to New Jersey's famed
new diagnostic center. A doctor there,
iher studying him for a month as a
voluntary paying patient, got the “diag-
nostic impression" of schizophrenia but
did not consider him sick enough 10 rec
ommend commitment to à mental hospi
tal. He said [шет that if the boy had
been sent to him by juvenil . he
would have recommended cither putti
him in an institution or sending him
home under supervision. Bur he had
а voluntary patient: so whe

ys ended. he went home

come

w parents of criminals go 10 so
much trouble to try to help their boy be
fore it happens, Few institutions arc as
good as New Jersey's diagnostic center
What can we expect from less conscien
tious parents and worse state institutions?

Thumbing through prison files, one
finds with dreary monotony a terrible if
less bizarre story repeated —drunken Га.
ther and absent mother and truant child.
rebellious boy and petty pilfering and

juvenile court, runaway boy and discipli
mary school, car theft and probation,
carrying concealed. weapons and broken
probation amd reformatory. parole and
broken parole and reformatory, release
and 1 penitentiary—
and so on the electric
chair.

MIL поо
psychiatrists they
hody—and do. There we
ings in the lives of both thy
and the asasin of President Kenne
dy. People ask. Why wasn't something
done? Why does gnostic center
or a juvenile court, discovering warning
signals carly in a boy's life, isolate him
immediately from society? The answer is
that the patient’s—and the boy's rights
are involved, Courts and psychiatrists
have no legal right to lock up somebody
because they think that someday di
might kill. Not every wayward boy turis
ош to be a murderer, And anyway, we
simply cannot put a psychiatrist in every
kindergarten—there are fewer than 20.000
psychiatrists in the United States and
most are in private practice. And even
that is no sure answer, as our New Jersey
case indicates.
Nevertheless. those two саке
sum boy and the strange New Jersey
hoy—do suggest three lines of action

The slum boy might have a chance if
the slum were eliminated. Although
slums do not “cause” crime, the high
crime rate there—and the high percent
aye of Negroes in prisons, пот becuse
Negroes are “more criminal” but because
they more disadyantaged—argues
powerlully that we must spend the bil
necessary to alter. fundamentally
the character of our disintegrating ci

Second. те chance of identifyius

med robbery an
sometimes 10

fren, patiems tell private
mend to kill some
privare warn-
Austin sniper

are

lions

“You get ofj that ice pond this
minule, you filthy litile boy!”

255

PLAYBOY

256

troubled. youngsters early argues power-
fully for spending more public money to
train psychiatrists and school guidance
eciors, establishing juvenile diagnostic
i; our minds to work
on how to protect society against in-
cipient criminality without infringing on
the rights of the youngsters.

Third, prison reform is essential. It is
not too much to the prison sys-
tem as it exists should be abolished. It
does not reform the criminal. It fails to
protect society. When we know how to
prevent. ari rehabilite criminals,
we will not put them into prison to do it.
bolish prisons. Meanwhile, we
ought to stop making men worse in pris-
ons, Various steps can be taken, includ-
ing these: Build a wide variety of prison
farms and camps, mediunesecurity insti-
tutions and facilities for the criminally
insane, to permit dassificati
tion of inmates; raze such

as the

least brea
put under Civil Service and raise
the salaries of guards, parole and prob
tion supervisors and prison classification
nerease the supply of psychiatric

experts;

"Gee, it must be pretty serious. They

advice to parole and d tion boards;
let about half the inmates out of all
maximumsecurity prisons; and enforce
ironclad security measures on dangerous
men.

But, in the long run, what is needed is
more research into the causes of с
пайку, Research is going forward at sev-
eral private institutions, but not enough
of it. At present, no Federal research
program on crime exists. One would be
costly, but so is crime.

Ic seems likely that all such programs
—rebuilding the cities, reorganizing the
prison system, training personnel
stalling schools and diagnostic centers,
rescarch—may have to await. resolution
of the Vietnam war. But perhaps even
before money becomes available, forward
planning could start and would probably
be more fruitful than further Congres-
sional debate on the "gun law." The ulti-
mate emphasis should be on a program
of research bearing directly on the roots
of criminali wil we know far
more ihan we know now, there is not
much we cam do to prowa oursely
What we don't know can kill us.

going to call in his accountant.”

PLAYBOY INTERVIEW

(continued from page 108)

vaudeville-burlesque-Borscht Belt cir
cuit. You've never talked much about your
personal background on the air or off,
other than to say that you're from the
Midwest and that you were once an
amateur magician, Would you like to fill
us in on the rest?

CARSON: Well
Towa. No cracks, please. I'm the product
of a typical middle-class upbringing. My
futher was then a lineman for the pow
district; that means a guy who climbed
up and down telephone poles. Later on.
he became the power district's manager.
and he has since retired. We moved
ound to different small towns— places
like Clarinda, Shenandoah, Avoca. I
ted school in Avoca, Towa. 1 think I
cight when we moved to. Norfolk,
Nebraska, а town of about 10,000, 1 will
never forget looking down оп Main
eet [rom а fourth-fooi i

hotel window
ng how high up 1 was and

marveling at so much trafic down in the
street.

1 think it was that same year 1 first
realized 1 could make people Laugh. I

played Popeye in a school skit—you
know, imitating him, with that funny
voice. My sister Catherine and my
brother Dick [now Carson's director] and
I grew on up through high school there
folk. We had a big frame house in
It was a typical small-town Mid-
boyhood. Dick and I fished and
n the Elkhorn river, and
summers the family would vacation at
Jake in Minnesota. | was at a friend's
home one day when I picked up an old
book I saw: Hofjman’s Book of M. n
described all the standard tricks and
how to make some of the equipment
yourself, and there was an ad for a kit of
stuff from a mail-order place in Chicago.
So 1 sem away for it and the stol
came, and ] couldn't think about any-
thing else but making things and work-
ing with the magic. D ordered every
ulog advertised and read them from
cover to cover, and spent every quarter

town.
меме
skinny dipped

І could get for more stull. Finally, one
Chr I got this magician's table with
blick-velvet cover. 1 have never since

en anything more beautiful than that
was to me. The next thing was ventrilo
quism. E bought a mailorder course, also
from Chicago, for 5
PLAYBOY: When did you first гел
wanted ıo be ап entertainer?
CARSON: I just can't say I ever wanted to
become an entertaii dy was one,
sort of—around our house, at school, do-
ing my magic tricks, throwing my voice
and doing the Popeye impersonations
People thought 1 was funny; so 1 kind of
took entertaining for granted. I was lull
of card tricks, too. Around the house, I
ways telling anybody I saw, “Take a

ize you

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Statement of ownership, management and cir-
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September 1967. 2. “Title of publica

y of ie: Monthly. 4 1
v of puhlicanon: 91) N.
Cook County, TIL 60611
al busi
ihian

‘of publisher, edita
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alders aw

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UL; Keith Hefner, 1340 N. Stale Pkwy, €

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1S. Preuss, Business Manaver.

у саг” Tt was inevitable that

Га start giving little performances. My
lust onc was for my mother's bridge
club. They thought I was great; and I

felt great. making my mother so proud,
you know? And after that I went
lw give shows at Sunday-school parties,
church socials, anywhere they'd have
T was 14 when I earned my first fee
п the Nor
to get a
tH

me.
for my act—three dollars. fro
folk Rotary Club. Then I be:
fee like that at picnics, county f:

rs.

Clubs, service clubs, chambers of com
merce. 1 was billed as “The Great Carso-
ni" wearing a cape my mother had
sewed for me. In schoc was into eve

except sports. 1 went out. for
all, but the first time 1 ran with the
ball and gor tackled. the next thing 1 re
member is the coach looking down in my
face and asking if E was all right. He rec
ommended that 1 give my full extracur
ricular time to other activities, I was in
every school play, wrote a column for
the school paper. everything. I got pretty
good grades, but most of my effort was
directed elsewhere.

By 1943, when I gradu:

ed from Nor-

folk High. T was making pretty fair pin
moncy with my ad. Funny th
though. 1 still didn’t have any inteni

of entera
still very small town in my outlook, It
would be another three or four years be
fore Fd find ош that the Causkills
weren't a dance team. E was still playing
with the idea of becoming a. psychiatrist,
engineer or a journalist. And I had
decided on engineering when I entered
college. But the War was on, you know,
and 1 was accepted for a V-12 program
that would get me a Naval Air commis-
sion: but they sent me to Columbia Uni
versity’s midshipman school instead;
there just weren't any lying. train
о ». | got my ensign's com.
n to the P
battleship Pennsylvan
а footlocker of gear To home
and D emtertained the offica men
every chance 1 got. In the comedy bits,
Td knock officers: the enlisted
men loved. that. when
Guam. 1 did the same thing thi

Finally, when I got out tered the
University of. Nebraska, th с пуй
journalism, 1 thought it would help me
lam to write comedy. But that who
bit couldn't have

ng аз a serious carcer, 1 was

nings th

€ on the
weed

ud we

mostly

Later, I was at

whenawherewhy-what
bored me more, so I switched to radio
and speech. И was while D was at the
university that L got my first radio job for
ten dollars a week at the local station,
WOW, for playing in a comedy Western
called. Eddie Sosby and the Radio Rang
ers, It came on three mornings а week
and D had to ger permission to be 15
utes thos for my
nish class. Then year, I
did a thesis on comedy. 1 analyzed the

late moi

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257

best comics then performing and taped
excerpts of their performances to illus
mare things like timing and sequence,
building punch lines. recogn i
and running gags, things like that.
medians like Fibber McGee and Molly,
Jack and Mary Benny, Rochester, Ozzie
and Нас, Milton. Berle Bob
Hope. When 1 got my А.В. degree in
1949, 1 went straight to my first job. $50
a week for doing anything and everything
at WOW. I did commercials, news, sta-
ion breaks, weather reports, everything.
7 gues the next thing was my first
martiage—to Jody. We'd been going to-
gether several years. Soon my first son
as bom, Chris, Meanwhile, 1 got a
dio show. The Squirrel’s Nest 1 called
id 1 picked up S25 on the side fo
magic acts ГА do anywhere 1 could. In
1 remember. there was a group
igning ло get rid of pigeons, which
were accused of defacing city hall. T
on my radio show with "Equal
me for Pig the birds
id plead-
The
just

PLAYBOY

ous" imitating

for mercy: we won а reprieve:
ming was dropped. Doing
nything a Jack-of-all-trades in
dio could do, it was almost automatic that
J would eventually go on WOW-TV.

М the I kept thinking in the
back of my 1 about where 1 was
headed, in a career way. 1 was getting
along well enough where 1 was, but at
the same time. E knew that I could never
go very far as long as I stayed in Nebras-
‘ka. The action and the opportunities were
all either in New York or Californi
So T got а cameraman friend to shoot a
half-hour film of me doing a litle bit of
everything I. could do, When a vacation
ne up. Т packed the wife and kids in
our beavup Olds, with a U-Haul trailer.
ad we took olf for fornia. When we
rived in San Francisco, | knocked at
every radio and ТУ doo
them, 1 couldn't even get inside.
say, UN sorry."
nto Los Augcles—looking
thing out of Grapes of Wrath driving
down Sunset Boulevard. Same kind of
hearty welcome.

Bur finally, a childhood f
Bill Brennan, who had gone
sales in L. A., successfully recommended
me nouncer job that had
opened at KNXT. a local station. 1
went there and did everything except
sweep out the place. When 1 could find
the time, Hike on nights when I
dic jockeying, while the record was
playing, 1 was sitting there in the booth
putting together an idea for a TV show
See, E had made an agreement wi
seli when 1 got to L, A.—that il ] didn't
have my own show after a year, 1 was
Wy to move on to New York. 1 was

at most of
Theyd
So we

0 openings. went

on ke some-

for

was

һ my

never one who believed їп “waiting Гог
the breaks." D believe we make our own
breaks. Well, the CBS people finally
looked at my idea and gave me a spot
they had open locally on. Sunday after.
noons. You won't believe the budget—
for cach show, $25! 1 wrote my own

scripts, mimeographed them and acted

in them—and got pretty fair newspaper
notices, On one show, I had a friend
rush past the camera on the air and I an-
nounced. "That was my guest toc
Red Skelton." Well, Skelton heard about
it and really did turn up lor опе of my
shows. Then some others did, including
Fred Allen. Skelton and I really g

well. and finally he offered me
ing for his show. 1 grabbed it.

I guess you'd cull it the proverbial big
break when the telephone rang one da
and somebody told me Skelton had been
їшї in a rehearsal. He was supposed 10
walk through one of those breakaway
doors, but the door hadn't broken and
Red had been knocked cold about 90
minutes before showtime. 1 had always
doing bits and

been

know if D could make it to the station
and go on for Red. I don't know how I
got there in time, but 1 did. And 1 made
cracks about Red and said.
“The way I . 1 think Red's
doctor ought to be doing: diis show?
Well, it came off I got good no-
tices. Aud that got me my next job— The
Johnny Carson Show, Vhat was my
big lesson. lı ran out iis contracted
weeks in 1955 and then folded. That's
where 1 learned. that if you get too many
cooks involved, that if you don't keep
contol, you're going t0 bomb out, and
there's nobody 10 blame but yourself.
PLAYBOY: Will you explain what you
mean by that?

CARSON: | mean that it was primarily
through my own n that the show
failed. 1 had built the show initially
round a format of low-key skits and
comi y on topical subjects —some-
ig rather like the Tonight show. We
got good reviews, but the networ
people felt the ratings should have been
higher, and 1 let them start telling me
what to do. “Weve got ro make the
show important.” they told me. How
would they go about that? With
chorus girls! They were going то make
me into Jackie Gleason! Md come rushing
on in a shower of balloons. with chorus
rls yipping, “Here comes the star of the

doi

show. Johnny Carson!” And the vest fol
Jowed in that vein. I let myself be a poor
imitation. and thats sure, swift death for

But 1 think if nobody
ever fails he never has successes. The
show flopped—but to me only in the sense
that it went off the air after 39 wee!
1 1 the hard way that you have to
go with your decisions.

any entertainer

PLAYBOY: Do that show
your gr failure?

CARSON: Prolessionally it was. Personal-
no. That was when I was divorced
my first wife. That's the lowest I've
ever felt, the worst. personal expe
of my Ше. We'd been married ten ye:
since college, in fac. And children
were involved—three sons. I think that's
the worst guilt hangup you can have.
when children are involved. But divorce
sometimes is the only answer. I think it’s
almost immoral to keep on with a
marriage that’s really bad. It just gets
more and more rotten and vindictive
and everybody gets more
hurt, There's not enough honesty about
marriage, P think. T wish more people
would face the truth about their m
situations. I get sick of that old ratio
ation. “We're staying together because
Kids couldn't be more
iving with parents who can't
h other, They're tar better off if
» honest. clean divorce. Fm hap-
my boys don't scem to
think
long fine. I've got a very
now. For a long time, 1
lecling guiliy about the
failure of the first one—but you can't go
on forever like that, just nursing your
hurts. Some friends here
had been talking with me
before 1 ever saw her. Finally, 1 tele
phoned her and we made a date over the
phone. 1 met her with her father at Eu
die Condon's and we hit it off. gre:
right away, and it went on from there.
PLAYBOY: Alter the low point you de
scribed. when The Johnny Carson Sh
went off the air, did thi 1 1o
prove profession:
CARSON: Not by a long shot. 1 still had
lor more to learn—this time about thc
people who are supposed to give a per
former so much Help im this business
There I was: My show was closed. 1 was
out of work. That kind of news Nies
throughout the show-business
with the speed ol light. You're
You're dead. But I've got
cating and every day I'm expec
hear something from the agency
handled me. But
over there, I told them,
get myself some kind of а
Get a couple of writ

you consider

ad more

of the children.”
miserable

py to notice th
be negatively affected by mine. 1
they're gening

good

world
ош.

family to keep
ко

‘Lem

You know what they Sorry,
Johnny, we can’t do that" So 1 went
оте and wrote the act myself, and 1

went out. personally and. peddled it and
finally got myself a date in Bakersfield
at a place called Phe Maison Jaussaud,
king 5400 а week. Bur I was still naive.
1 was hoping that some of the top agency
people would come to sec me. They
didn't. They sent two junior members
who sat at a table, then left. Nothing
Zero.

This was about the time I dropped

d
— Д

"Same gift for you again this year, Jarvis?”

259

PLAYBOY

260

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о О charge to my Playboy Club credit key no.

== [ЕЕ OED

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back financially until I had to borrow
from my father. 1 decided 1 had to go to
New York. | couldn't do any worse there
and 1 might do beter. So I borrowed
more, from a bank that was good enough
to let me have it. And in New York, final-
ly I got the chance 10 go on Who Do You
Trust?. Now, do you want to guess what
happened? When I get solid on that show,
really doing all right, here come this
agency's top guys. Big deal—old buddy-
buddy. let bygones be bygones, no hard
feelings, let's forget the past. "How
about our representing you again? We've
how to shoot you
1 listened until they
and then I said,
Thank you, no, gentlemen. Where were
you when I needed you?” Anyway, I finally
went with another agency. MCA, one of
the giants, 1 was doing fine now ng
the remment they call "servicing the
client." I remember one day 1 was get-
ting ready to leave their office to do the
show, and this agency man makes moves
to go with me. 1 asked him, “What are
you doing?” He said, "Don't vou want
me to go to the show with you?” T told
him I thought 1 could make it alone.
What I fel like telling him was, "You
want to do something for me? Iron
my shirts.” 1 don't even like to think

PLAYBOY

got it all figured ou

about it. But now, 1 don't even have an
agency МСА dissolved. v know I've
got a lawyer who handles most of my

affairs. I've learned. Agencies play the per-
centages. You make it, theyll tak
percent. When I needed "em, nobody was
there. ТЇЇ never forget it. I'm just telling
it the way it is. И somebody wants to call
that being а loner, if somebody wants to
call that being vindictive, then so be it!
PLAYBOY: How did the break come from
Who Do You Trust? to the Tonight
Show?

CARSON: In my first [our ¥

ten

ars on Who

Do You Trusi?, Yd been offered all kinds

of si shows but |
lor one or

been

had
another

ation-comedy
turned. them down
reason. And E had ng guest
spots. and E had filled in for Paar on 7
night. and 1 had done prety well as his
replacement. Tt was NBC that сате up
with the oller for me (0 replace. Paar
permanently, I turned it down, cold: not
y people know that. I just wasn't
1 just didn't fect I
could make that jump from a half-hour
daily quiz show to doing an hour and 45
ht. I was doing fine in
daytime TV: 1 was solid and secure. And
1 felt Га be stupid 10 try to replace Jack
Paar. But 1 kept sitting in for him. And
then, some months liter, NBC made
heir olfer Jack was nearer to

leaving the show. Somebody had to re
262 place him. My manager got on me,

sure | could. cut it

minutes every ni

insisting that I owed myself the oppor-
tunity of reaching the big night audience.
And NBC said they would wait until 1

finished my contract. on Who Do You
Trust. While all this was going on, 1

was gradually building more confidence
in mysel{—the more Т thought about it.
Nobody could tell me: 1 had to tell my-
sell I could do it. And finally I did; I ac
cepted the offer. Everyone I knew had
some ad fier that. One group told
me 1 was nuts to try replacing Paar, but
that made me all the more determined.

се а

Others became instant producers and
told me. “Heres how to handle that
show. That bugged me; Td been

through that in California and lost a
good show because of it. I had cab drivers,
waiters, everybody giving me advice.
Two things were in the back of my
d: One was that I wasn't going 10
any ion of Jack Paar: I was
going 10 be Johnny Carson. The other
thing was that 1 wanted the show to
make the most of being the last area in
television that. the i iginally
was supposed to be—live, immediate
entertainment, | knew it wasn't going
to be any sauntering in and sitting at a
desk and that's all. The main thing in my
mind that 1 had going for me was that
Га done nearly everything you could in
the industry—but at the same
knew thar thinking that way was a dan
ger. If I went out there with every critic
waiting, and if 1 did everything 1 knew
how to do, it would look like deliberate
showing off, like tying to say, “Hey,
look at me—Im so versatile!" I had 10
fight that natural temptation to go out
there and make some big impresion.
Finally. | decided that the best thing I

medium or

ume I

could do was forget trying to do a lot of
preplanning. 1 didn’t want to come out
of a

with something that
month's preparation, be
going to be able to keep that up every
night. It all boiled down to just going
out there and being my natural sell and
seeing, what would happen

PLAYBOY: What happened, of course, was
one of the most remarkable succes
in television history. But you mentioned
going out there and being your natural
sell. Do you, really?

CARSON: Are we back to that—my repu-
tation for being cold and aloof, for being
loner and living in a shell and all that
аар? Look. I'm an entertainer; 1 try to
give the public what it wants while I'm
on the screen, and Tm completely sin-
cere about it. If 1 don't happen to be a
screen, that doesn't

laughing boy off the
make me a hypocrite or a phony. In any
case, what Tam and what T do on my
own, it sems to me, is nobody's business
but mine. As long as 1 don't commit any

crimes, you have no right to judge me
escept by my performance as a profes-
sional. On that level, you're welcome to
think whatever you want about me. But
there’s only one critic whose opinion 1
really value, in the final analysis: Johnn
ver needed any entou
anding around bolstering my ego.
I'm secure. I know exactly who and what
Tam. I don't need to be told. 1 make no
apologies for being the way Lam. I'm not
going to run around crying that I'm mis
understood. I play my life straight—the
way I sec it, I'm grateful to audiences for
watching me and for enjoying what I

«do—but lm not one of those who believe
that a successful entertainer is made by the
public, as is so often said. You become

successful. the way I sec it, only if you
коой enough to deliver what the public
enjoys. I you're not, you won't have апу
audience: so the performer really has more
то do with his success than the public does.

As for myself, I've worked ever since 1
was a kid with a twobit kit of magic
tricks trying to improve my skills at enter-
taining whatever public I had—and to
make myself. ready, whenever the breaks
came, to entertain a wider aud more d
minding public. Entertainment is like any
other major industry; it's cold, big busi
ness. The business end wants to know
one thing: Can you do the job? If you
can, you re in, you're made; if you can't,
you're out.

І knock myself out for the public—five
shows a week, 90 minutes a show; and
most of every day goes to working on
that 90 minutes. It takes more out of me
tha 1 Libor would, and | simply
won't give any more of myself than that.
Т demand my right to a private life, just
as I respect that right for everybody else.
The Tonight staff knocks themselves out
with me: then they go their way, T go
mine, and we get along fine. I make the
major decisions, That's my responsibility.

Tm doing the best I know how. I've
put my whole life into whatever you see
on that But whenever the day
comes that I think it’s my time to go. I'l
be the first to tell the network to get
somebody else in that chair. And when 1
do. they'll be saying, “Who could follow
c like they said, "Who
Paar Well, believe me,
ad will. The public is
and you can be replaced, no mat
ter how good you are. Until that hap
pens, I'm going to go on doing my best
I like m cd 1 hope you do.
but il you don't, I really couldn't care
less, Take me or leave me—but don’
bug me, That's the way I am. That's me,

That's it.
Ba

manu

scice

rson?"— just.

could follow

work. too—

а FAR-FLUNG FLING (continued from page 125)

pepper and monosodium | glutamate
Pour imo preheated tureen for serving.

THAL SHRIM

DUMPLINGS

2 12oz packages frozen
shrimps, ready to cook

9 teaspoons Chinese oyster sauce or
soy sauce

м
Ы peeled
LI
ГА

2 tablespoons cornstarch

1 teaspoon monosodium glutamate

4 cgus

2 tablespoons finely minced fresh
chives

tablespoons all-purpose flou
Salad oil

Thaw shrimps. but do not boil, Exam-
^ shrimps carefully and remove any
pieces of shell. then put them throu

neat chopper, using fine blade. Mix
shrimps well with oyster sauce corn
starch, mate, 2 суш
slightly beaten, and chives. In wide shal

low saucepan or Dutch oven. bring 3 in
salted water to a rapid boil. Drop shrimp
mixture by teaspoons into boiling water
rise to top. Cover pan
with lid and simmer 3 to 4 minutes. Do
not overaowd pan. Cook dumplings in 2
ог 3 batches, if necessary. Drain dump-
ngs and chill in refrige
remaining eggs well. Add flour
ший smooth. Heat I in. ой in electric
ated to 370 . Dip dumpli
mixture, Fry, turning onc
T brown оп both sides. Remove from
fying pan. Pour ginger sauce (below)
over dumplings and. keep warm on hot
tray or in chafing dish.

тим GINGER SAUCE

2 cups chicken stock
teaspoon garlic, minced extremely
fin

Vy cup suga

15 cup cider vinega

14 to 15 teaspoon finely minced hot
chili pepper, to taste

M cup red or yellow ginger in syrup,
drained, thin slivers

14 cup fresh green pepper, small dice

lj teaspoon ground coriander

tablespoons sake

tablespoons thinly sliced scallion

teaspoons soy sauce

{ teaspoon sesame oil

4 cup cornstarch

all ingredients except. cornstarch

1 saucepan. Bring to a boil. Mix corn

starch with 14 cup cold water to a smooth

paste. Slowly stir into saucepan, Simmer

2 minutes.

2
Y

LAMB WI

3 Ibs. Jean boneless shoulder of 1
tablespoons butter

1 tablespoon olive oil

14 cup onion, minced very fine

М cup leeks, white part, minced very

fine

teaspoon

PEAS AVGOLEMONO

lic, minced very fine

264 и

14 teaspoon dried marjoram
Salt, pepper

1 quart. stock.

4 egg yolks

plespoons flour
3 tablespoons lemon juice

114 lbs. fresh green peas, boiled
drained.
Cur lamb into pieces somewhat small-

than usual stew size, less than 1
thick. Melt butter with oil in stew pot.
Add Lamb and sauté until lamb loses red
color. Add le lic and
marjoram, Continue to sauté about 5
minutes, stirring occasionally. Add 1 tea-
spoon sal. Add stock and
covered, umil tender—about te 2
hours. Season to taste with salt and pep-
per and remove from heat. Beat ш
yolks until light. Add flour and lemon
juice, beating well. Slowly add 14 cup
warm stock from pot. Pour egg mixune
imo pot Simmer over low flame—doi
boil—about 3 minutes. Remove at once
from flame and stir in cooked peas. P
y be cooked with lamb. but cool
them separately allows for better control.
Although avgolemono dishes are usually
s soon as prepared, they may be
а chafing dish, if top part of dish
is not in contact with hot water in bot-
tom section: otherwise sauce may curdle,
а beans or lima beans may be substi
ed for peas, il desired. Serve with rice
pilaf.

CRISPELLINI
R eggs
1 cups milk
24 cup cold water
114 teaspoons salt
114 cups all-purpose
lad ой
lix. ricotta cheese

8 ољ. Ila cheese. shredded

6 ол. bel paese cheese, shredded

4 ozs. proxciurto, sliced paper-thin, cut

imo small dice

Ground white pepper

Grated parmesan cheese

Put eggs. milk, water, 14 teaspoon salt
and flour into blender. Blend 10 sec-
onds at high speed, scrape sides of blend.
. then blend 10 seconds more. This
may be done i ucl
sary. Heat heavy skillet. 7 in

flour

morzar

moderate flame. Pour enough

ter, over
salad oil imo skillet to cover bortom
then pour off any excess. While hol

pan olf Hame, pour in about 3 tabl
spoons batter, Tih pan to cover bottom
completely, then retum to flame. Adjust
llame, if necessary, to prevent browning
100 fast. When cach pancake is lightly
browned, turn with spatula aud lightly
brown other side, Remove pancakes
from pan and stack on large dish. Con
cooking. until all batter is used.
bowl, combine ricotta, mozza

ШШЩ

rella and bel paese cheeses. prosciutto.
poon salt amd several
hes pepper. mixing well. On
pancake, spread about 14 cup che
ture. Roll up jelly-roll fashion. Cut

i side up.
greased shallow heatproof casserole or

king pan. Store im refrigerator until
time, Preheat ove ar 4509.
Place casserole in oven about 10 to 12

minutes Sprinkle crispellini generously
with parmesan cheese: sprinkle lightly
with salad oil. Place under broiler flame
until cheese is medium brown.

KOAST BEEF SMØRREBRØD

Order 5 Is. welltrimmed
shell of beef (sirloin.
move meat from refri
hour before roasting. Roast for 114 hours
in oven preheated at 400°, Cool to room
temperature. Avoid refrige!
ible. Cut into thin slices. Cu
half cowwise, t0 fit on bread. Place
beef on well-buuered rye, pumpernickel
or white bread as open. sandwiches. Pre
vide a bowl cach of sliced tomatoes
cucumber salad with dill dresing,
well as the cold Béarnaise sauce
onions in red wine (below). Guests choose
or combine gamnishes for smørrebrød as
they please.

boneless

iot top sirloin). Re-

slices in

and

COLD BÉARNAISE SAUCE

ehed butter.
rd egg volk

cooked egg yolks

2 teaspoons tarragon vinegar

1 tablespoon finely minced parsley

1 teaspoon meat extract

Salt, pepper. cayenne

Force hand egg yolk through fine wire
ve into well of blender. Add raw cgg
yolks and spin blend few seconds.
Melted butter should be kept hot while
blending. With blender at low speed,
very slowly add melted butter in a thin
trickle. Butter may be poured. through
opening top. When all bune
has been added, pour sauce into со
er. Stir in vinegar. parsley, meat €:
and salt and pepper to taste. Add a dash
. Chill in refrige
hours before serving. (If kept in refriger
ator too long. sauce will return to its

in blende

solid state; it should then be warmed to
room temperature until it can be easily
«| onto n

plespoon butter
1 tablespoon salad oil
cup dry red wine
1 packet instant bouillon powder
teaspoon brown gravy color
14 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
2 teaspoons instantized. Пош
Salt, freshly ground. pepper

Peel and cut onion in half through
stem end, then cut crosswise into thinnest

: ШШ
sal

| MI
jum

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. blends. Whips up sauces,

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10% inches high for easy storage.

GENERAL ELECTRIC

265

PLAYBOY

266

butter and oil

posible slices. Sauté
jux until onion is yellow. not brown.
Add wine, bouillon powder, gravy color
d Worcestershire. Simmer 5 minutes.
cold w:

ter and slow!
Simmer 5 mii
to taste. Chill in refrigerator u
time.

BRAZILIAN AVOCADO 3

welope plain gel

1 hard-boiled egg

2 cups mashed ripe avocado (3 medium-
size avocados)

3 tablespoons lime juice

2 teaspoons grated onion

aspoon salt

V4 teaspoon Tabasco sauce

2 drops green food color

% cup heavy cream, whipped

14-02 can heart of palm, chilled

2 sliced medium-size bananas

1 cup diced peeled apple

Ya cup mayonnaise

15 teaspoon lemon juice

Soak gelatin in 14 cup cold water to
soften. Dissolve over hot water. Force
hard-boiled egg through large wire

sir In mixing bow!
do. lime juice. onion,

color, egg and gelatin, stirring very
Chill in refrigerator about 15 hour, but
do not allow to jell. Fold whipped cream
into avocado тіхиге, Turn into Gcup
g mold. Chill in refrige atil set.
Unmold onto serving platter. Drain heart
of palm. Cut into Lin. pices. Combine
with bananas, apple, mayonnaise and
lemon juice. Toss well. Pile [ruit mixture
into center of avocado ring.

CARIBBEAN BRIOCHES GRAND MARNIER

8 small br
2 cups fresh orar
24 cup sugar
2 om. Grand М
30-07. can. pineapple chunks

3 tablespoons confectioners” sugar

1 tablespoon heavy dark rum

1% cups heavy cram, whipped

4 slices cocktail orange in syrup
Use fresh rather than the commercial-

aches, three days old
juice

ly frozen brioches. Cut the wide cap off
the top of each brioche. With small

rp knife, cut away inside of cach
brioche, leaving shell about . thick.

ng orange juice and 24 cup sugar to
: simmer | minute. Add Grand M.
When syrup cools slightly. p
brioche tops and shells in syrup. Mari

“Like anything else, it's an acquired taste.”

[rigerator at least 3 hours, turn
jonally, so that tops and shells
well soaked but not disintegrating, Drain
pineapple well. Dry with paper towe
Add. confection id rum to
whipped eam. mixing well. Drain cock-
tail orange slices well and chop extremely
Add nd pineapple to
whipped cream. Remove brioches from
syrup and fill centers with pineapple
ture. Place brioche caps оп top and

4 teaspoon gren
4 teaspoon lime juice
very thin slice lime
1 maraschino cherry

1 or 2 long pine needles or green cock-
spear
Stir sake, gin, grenadine and lime

juice well with ice. Strain into prechilled
or. tulip wineglass. Add rocks to
glass. Stir. F ne slice on top. F:
maraschino cherry on pine needle
rest on rim of glass,

RAKI

MLR PUNCH

ound cinnamon
e raki, br
well with ice. Strain into prechilled 12
or. tall glass. Sprinkle lightly with cìnn;
mon. (Ouzo or Pernod may be used in
place of raki.)

FROZEN AQUAVIY

ady, triple sec and milk

114 ors. aquavit

14 or. lime juice
Ya egg white

& cup crushed ice
1 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon kirschwasser

To divide egg white in half. bea
ghtly, but not to a foam. Put all ingre
dients in blender. Blend at low speed 15
seconds. Pour into prechilled deep sau.
cer champagne glass. This is perfect for
bringing the crowd round to the smg
brod table.

YELLOW PLUM

abelle or slivovitz

ozs. quetscl
м or. lemon juice

e
maraschino liqueur
sugar
all ingredients shake
ain into prechilled cock-

international language of good
food and drink that speaks for itself,
м dd salud, prosit, skal, à votre santé
and I'chaim and wish you a world of
pleas

THE UFO GAP кын prom page 146)

in the sky, even after all the
disappeared," “The witnesses were so in-
sient and vocal that this couldn't be
anything ordinary that 1 made а quick
wip 10 the town. 1 set up а small tele-
scope. followed the object into full day-
hi and, with the aid of the Nautical
Almanac, proved even to their satisfac
tion that the mysterious object was none
other than the planet Venus shortly after
inferior conjunction with the sun and
so at its greatest brilliancy. (The Air
Force сап always be assured оГ several
XI reports, either before sunrise or after
sunset, whenever Venus is at greatest
brilliancy.)

In New Hampshire, four lights in a
mond-shaped formation and later in a
T formation were observed to hover and
then to travel first in one direction and
other. The sighting lasted for
some minutes. Identification was positive
that the object sighted was a KC-97
performing a refueling operation, A Lab
tador radar station picked up an object
waveling at 72 knots at am altitude
of 50,000 feet, Two F-102 aircraft. were
scrambled and picked up the object on
their radar. The object was fully ob-
еа by several military personnel on
separate radars. Identification. was

Hoon released from ап Air Force base
Maine.
In New Jersey. a Matshaped object
was reported. It had а dome in the mi
dle and was somewhat bigger than a
commercial aircraft, with bright. yellow
lights coming from square windows
around the bottom and with green lights
on the front. This turned out to be, quite
positively. a commercial aircraft with a
59-foot advertising sign сота 245
flashing electric lights. Apparently, the
advertiser was not getting his message
across. And, for good measure, in 1962,
one of our Navy's ships reported an ob
ject traveling southeast that remained
visible for 15 utes but which “air and
surface radar could not pick up.” It was
observed by tors taking a celestial
fix, by the commanding officer and by
about 1000 enlisted personnel. This was
the satellite Echo I, which calculations
showed had traced that iden path at
that precise time.

But this is only one part of the story.
There are high X. reports, too. If there

weren't, there would be no UFO prob
lem. High X ratings. of X1 and 35, are
reserved for reports that, at face value,

do mot find an explanation in conven-
tional scientific terms. Let us look at
some examples from my files.

It was 5:30 rwr. 1 remember the

exact time because our car radio

the electric windshield wipers were

ing, as we were im a heavy mist
hway in this area fol Okla-
homa] has many rolling hills and is
vily wooded with native post-oak
The visibility is limited to the
highway by looking ahead or behind
or up overhead. We were: driving
along, everything in normal condi-
tion and operation, when suddenly
from above and ahead of us over the
top of the hill and trees, at a fantastic
speed, came a tremendous bright
light, The color or glow was similar
to that of a mercury light. 1 thought
for à moment we were going to have
а head-on crash with someihi

Г was looking for an escape route
to avoid а collision. We were ex
tremely frightened. My wife had
dropped down in the seat and our
son had jumped from the back seat
and had positioned himself between
me and my wife. At the speed of
approach, 1 had little time for a
reaction. The light around us was
almost blinding as the object ap-
proached our car. As it came to-
ward us the car began to slow

TMPORTED RARE SCOTCH

3005; BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY EIGHTY PROOF IMPORTED BY INVER HOUSE DISTILLERS, LTO., PHILA.

267

PLAYBOY

268

“Evidently you're not the little boy who wrote that
he wasn't getting anything. . . ."

down (Note: | was nor using the
brakes) and the whole car came un-
der control of the UFO. The er
came to a complete stop. Lights,
radio, heater, wipers, all clectrically
operated, instantly stopped.

Other than being frightened, we
had no other sen 1 that we
I rolled down
my w putting my head
out of the window, I looked up and
approximately 200 feet
overhead was a saucers
vehicle. By this ti
had bece

directly

my
e adjusted to the light
that was emitted from the space ve-

eyes

hicle. 1 could observe the size and
shape as well as see the observation
ound the upper deck.
UFO was at least 50 leet in
Ar the same time, а high-
ne could be heard and a
very light warm wind was being
ied from the bottom of the

vehicle.
The vehicle had in the center a
large extended dome. The time fac-
tor was not of long duration. no
more than two or three minutes.
There was no other visible traffic on
this time, After this
od of time. vehicle,
increase in intensity of the
lifted: straight up from its
ng position and, as this oc
d. the car began 10 function
d make normal movement on the
The lights, radio. wipers,
xd motor functioned as if
they had never stopped.
1 wish to state that this w
a type of any known earth

the highway
short |
with ai

эз not
aft. I
п and. around aircraft
n I graduated. from
hool of Aeronautics,
an

have worked
since 1940, wi
the Spartan
« 1 am also a discharged v
from the U.S. Air Force.

Here

is one Irom an air base in

At the time of the sighting I
way at work (in the base control
tower) and 1 had an air carrier short-
ly begin n approach. As is my
custom, I had the lights in the cab
turned down low. I got up from the
nd looked out the window
10 make а visual check of the run
way. As E looked to the north end of
the runway. D saw а light co
down center of the runway. My fi
thought was, 1 had ап aircraft on
approach that I didn't know any-
thing about. The light was тоу
at about the speed of a large a
craft making a low pass. The light
continued down the center line of
the runway at about a height of 50
fect. The airport is equipped with
high-intensity runway lighting. The
lights were on step 3; the lighting

console

ing

contol panel is located to the right
and just behind me. As the light
reached a spot just a little north of
my position, I reached around and
flicked the light to step 4. hoping to
cause a reflection off the body of
the object, as 1 was still unable to

even though visibility was excellent.
When the lights went brighter, the

right turn and started.

object made

10 climb, increasing speed ex-
tremely fast, clearing the nearby
mountain in a second or two. At

this time, I lost sight of the object
as it seemed to level off and became
lost behind the mountains. One other
thing that 1 forgot to point out
bove. When the light tumed and
started 10 climb, it did so sharply.
whereas when an airplane turus or
climbs, it makes an arc.

And lets take just a short excerpt
rom another.

As D approached а bedroom win-
Фол... the whole yard was bathed
in a brilliant orange. Exeryili
locked as something does wh
is rellecting fire. 1 looked up

sky and there was а big orang
I woke my husband and told him
10 come look at the thing in the
sky. He got up. came to the win.

dow, and as | kept saying, "What
can it be?" he just kept repeating,
“Oh, my God." It seems like we

watched it for about a minute. It
was stationary in the sky all that
time and seemed to be quite near.
The light was more powerful than
anything we had ever эссп, but
sull we could look right at it. As
we watched, the light finally went
out, not slowly, but still not as fast
as you would off an electric
bulb, АШ that was left was what
looked exactly like a маг and it be-
gan to move, We watched as it
moved toward the lighis of Los
Angeles in the distance.

None of these three sightings (which
merely random samples from my
able colle of sightings of
s» index) lends itself to
ation. Nor, by definition,
do any of the high Х reports. Tt will be
noted that nothing has yet been sa
pout believing these reports.
As the next step in our proposed pro-
gram, let us ask a panel of social scien-
tists psychologists and sociologists—to
rate the credibility of the witnesses
volved in the high X cases singly and
collectively, for any given sighting, with-
out any reference whatever 10 the report
itself, The panel is given dossiers on each
of the witnesses. (But it would be best not
to let this panel read the UFO reports—
might prejudice them!) The dossiers in-
dude medical history, length of time and

conside

general standing in the community, psy-
chological and personality traits, à. note
on the willingness of the witnesses to take
liedetector tests (and the results of
these. df administered), the technical
backgrounds of the individual witnesses,
the independence of the witnesses (wer
they strangers, blood relatives, friends?)
and what has been garnered as 10 the
motivation of making the report in the
first place. Was there any overt attempt
at publicity. or was the report made
f duty?

y ing made the report? We shall
call this rating the C, or credibility.

The “credibility panel" must also bc
iven a full account of the reaction of
pes under interrogation. A
skilled investigator soon learns to watch
for many clues as to the credibility of the
Psychotic or paranoid si
The tendency to repeat ce
tain phrases, the si ing of an
experience in a set, stereotyped manner,
as though one is hearing a playback of a
tape—all these are danger signals. And.
of course, at the slightest hint from the
UFO reporter of imagina
one may just as well drop
tion. I have on occasion been told what
ned to be a straightforward story,
when suddenly the witness lapsed into a
highly confidential mood and told me
he was sure that his phone was

being
tched. sometimes on a regular schedule,
ciher by "the Government" or by
"occupants of the craft."

In my long experience with the UFO
phenomenon, | have developed. certain
practices that quickly bring out these
"credibility Haws.” For instance, 1 will
to the account and then,
as if wo sce that I have things straight,
will repeat the highlights of the story, but
making sure that in two or three spots I
deliber

witness.
re m

icly misstate some of the witness’
descriptions (for example, directions,
time estimates, enc), 10 see whether
the witness will quickly catch me up
on the misstatement or let it pass. One
quickly learns also to gauge the objec
tivity of the reporter. The most glaring
fault on the part of the witness is to sul
stitute interpretation of a fact for a 1
Thus. he may tell me, “The spaceship
was patrolling the neighborhood and ob-
serving us,” when the actual fact is that
the witness observed a light m
in the sky and read into that simple ob-
servation his interpretation that intelli-
gent surveillance was bes
One of the most fi
ences a UFO investigator can. have is 1o
be told, at the end of what seems to be a
fairly straightforward. story, that the wit
has had similar experiences on
the past. We call

," A person with so little 269

PLAYBOY

270

understanding of statistics and probabili-
ty K that one person can have
dozens of UFO sightings while

many other people (indeed, the m
have never in their lives seen
КП
once

When we get

utterly unreliable
the combination of the repeater with

a persecution complex, we really
something. For many months at Project
Blue Book. we received frequent. letters
from an inmate of a mental institution
who exhorted us to do something abou

functions
The work of the credibility panel
would really be much more difficult than
that of the scientific panel. The latter has
only to determine whether the contents
of the report, as given, are easy or hard
to explain in the context of presently
science. The credibility panel, however,
has to decide not only whether the wi
nesses, taken together. are trustworthy.
honorable and responsible people who
can be believed in everyday m

tiers, but

also whether they could have been capa-
ble of gross errors and misinterpretations
the particu stance of their UFO

ighting. Is it possible, for instance, for
several people in concert to see a bright
and have it trigger in the brain the

impression that what was really seen was
a moving spaceship with portholes?
The t reports made by police-

ely unjustified. A hi
ed observer skilled

hly technical,
of

one
operation or observation docs not nec
sarily transfer his critical skills to a situa-
observing something

is surprising to him. Pilots have
been known to swerve their planes vio-

lendy when they suddenly encounter а
very bright meteor they think is on a col-
lision course, but which Luter proves to
have been 50 to 100 miles away. And
policemen can grossly misinterpret some-
thing with which they have no famil

- Still, on the average, if several pilots
and/or policemen concur on the main
arly if ihe du

points of the story. part

71 see. Due to your corrupt mismanagement,
the people of your country are starving and rebellious,
and you urgently require American aid. Right.
How many machine guns?”

ration of their experience was long enough
(a matter of minutes г;
to have brought their jud
play, it is dificult to brush aside their
ngly hardheaded testimony. And
one gets high ¥ reports from sc
engineers and technicians whose
by all common standards is
high amd whose moral caliber scems to
predude а hoax, one can do по less than
hear them out, in all seriousness
Hoaxes are not as common as depicted
in the newspapers. Pranks by college
students and everyday practical jokers
make good copy and are always good for
» especially if the Iu
ceeded im at least temporarily fool
some respected citizenry. Hoaxes are fre
quently accompanied by photographs, on
the mistaken idea that а photograph: is
worth ten thousand words. Actually, a
photograph is worth nothing unless we
know the full circumstances of how ir
was taken. I simply will nor take a pho
tograph seriously unless I can interrogate
itneses who saw the object in question
being photographed and unless I can
have access to the original negative and
the technical data on the camera. So far,
iot been able myself to accep
photographs as representing. inconto-
vertible scientific proof of the existence
inge objects.
vestigation of UFO re-
ports will limit itself to reports that ex-
hibit both à high X level and a high C
level. It will ask whether there are ar
apparently meaningful patterns
such reports: patterns of kinematic b
havior, of luminescence, of geometry, of
geographical distributio
i h the aid of the elec
computer, crossco
а these and other factors.
surprise thar this sort

tists,
credibility

has suc

ог of seasonal

uon ions will be
sought berwi

n
of search for patterns ls

хі bv the Air Force

' come

not been con-
long. The
me to such a
955. A distinguished
panel of scientists, undi
сім Howard Р. Robertso
то review aner, but
was given only «d numi

, was appoi
the ү

to examine and was able to allot only four
days to its study. Our. Government's ap-
proach

з all other instances has been to
ach reported sighting as though it
were the only one in existence. The Air
Force has tried to knock down each report
asit showed its head, like a duck in a shoot
ing galle: divide and conquer”
tedinique is powerless to detect signifi-
cant patterns, the very mainstay of the
scientific method.

The approach to the study of UFO
reports proposed here is designed specifi-
ly to reveal patterns if they exist—to
extract the scientific gold from the only
ore we have (UFO reports), if such gold
exists.

There is a more direct approach to the

problem: an active rather than a passive
attack. The scholarly study of UFO re-
ports able of establishing the like-
lihood that the UFO phenomenon
represents something heretofore not
recognized in the presently scientific
ramework. But no passive methods сап
prove this to be the case. They can. pro
vide only a measure of probability of its
being so

The pasive method — painstakingly
examining reports and. then. building a
logical set of hypotheses—purs me in
mind of the story told about the explorer
who had come back from a dinosaur-
cgg-hunüng expedition in the Gobi
desert. In his lecture, the explorer. рге
sented many cogent reasons why the eggs
they discovered were dinosaur eggs. He
pointed out that they were about the size
and weight to be expected of dinosaur
eggs, allowing lor desiccation and the
ravages of rime. and that they had about
the ‘right color. given the ellects of
weathering—all of this leading 10 the
strong likelihood that the eggs were. in
deed, dinosiur eggs. “And furthermore.”
the 1естигег stated. at the conclusion. of
his talk, "when we opened one of the

egps. it had a baby dinosaur in it" What
is needed in the UFO problem is for us
то find а baby UFO somewhere in the

es of UFO reports.
The next stage in the scientie ар
h то the UFO problem must clearly
tive onc. Once the scientilic fra-
ternity is convinced that the UFO prob.
lem is worthy of serious attack (and this
rec of conviction can come only after
it is amply demonstrated. that. reports
ly do exist that find no conventional
explanation, even alier study by compe
teni persons). we arrive at the interesting
aging stage of the problem
Ti is necessary to find out whether,
when persons of high repute report a
strange i ion. something of a phy
cal nature does. ct. exist. In short
an allout effort must be made to obtain
photographs. If unimpeachable photo
ктар can be obtained. it follows that
the stimulus that gave rise to the report
was accompanied by an actual
the retinas of the witneses. This n
seem a trivial or obvious point: yet
puld this nor be the «ам. ir would
throw the problem into a totally different
dimension. In any event. the existence of
mpeachable photographs would rep
resent incontrovertible scientific evidence
that UFOs, as we have defined them,
ех

could be

OF course, the whole proble
solved, or at least рш оп an extremely
firm foundation, if tangible physical evi
dence of peachable

Wer Were ах, le. Meteorites were
adinitted 1o scientific respec
ty only after there had been а spec
tacular fall in France in 1803, a fall th
not even the most skeptical of scen-
tits could doubt. That was certainly

much casier th
through a o
ts of meteorite
the problem here could be solved should
nd in the Rose Bowl

lls. Similarly.

a leer of UFOs 1
during half time.
a we hunt the wi
without gun but with camera? Must wc

study of geographical distribution of the
high XC cases.
cursory inspection already shows) thar
s of the country seeni 10 re-
FO hot" ofte
sor even weeks. When the electronic
computer indices such a “hot” ari
technical team be dispatched. by jet
helicopter. (several ol wh

i 1 various parts of the
country), and within hours of th
al report, cameras, tape re

er counters would be there. The
is trivial if study of the best re
ports indicates that there is, indeed, valu
dirt hidden in the UFO

sible scientific ра
phenomenon.

ckup 10 the
1d as an overall means of

established.
(UFO-1000) could be
manned 24 hours а day by competent
recognizing a

phone exchanj

interrogators
e UFO report from
idemification
ed or the meanderings of ап un
Ils would be
to UFO-1000. Should the

ly mind. С

"I read your book. Miss Crane, and found
i delightfully uninhibited.”

criminal offense. comparable with tampe

g with the mailbox or the fir
on the corner.

Let us suppose lonely tra
our fint UFO case cited. encounter a
UFO. As soon as thev can get 10 а road
side telephor they call UFO.1000. If
the report passes preliminary and imme-
diate screening. headquarters notifies the
local police and they rush to the scene
alrealy properly equipped. with suitable
cameras. H the ease appears 10 warrant
dispatching the UFO pline. this can be
done very shortly thereafter

Such a concerted effort. would. accom
plish Lar. far more than the passive receipt
and evaluation of reports possibly could.
H UFOS ay previously defined actually
exist. we would have photographs, movies.
spectrograms, plaster casts of indentations
GI a Tanding occurs) and detailed measure-
ments and quan

velers, as in

tes of

tive exi
brightnesses. speeds. and so on. within a
year of the inüinion of such a mo
п. But if the UFO-1000
program is sincerely and intensively car
ried out for
this, in
ignificance. Then we could go back та
the “real, common-sense world” of pre
UFO days—shrugging it all ofl with.
“There must have bee
n outlet successfully used in
other fields of human inquiry
Admittedly. 1 will be surpi
intensive, yearlong study yields nothi
To the contrary, 1 think that mankind
1 he for the greatest adventure
since dawning human intelligence turned
outward to contemplate the universe.

nonsense pre

full year and yields noth

bell. would be of great negative

sig

a virus goin

around.”

PLAYBOY

272

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A GOOD CIGAR IS A SMOKE
(continued from page 138)

“Yon woke me at this time of night to
ask me (ha

"p thought it was a point th
be settled.”

"No reason why you should come
jumping on my stomach

“No, there" Lancelot admitted, “I
perhaps went a litle 100 far. I am sorry
for thai

“Not half so sorry as I am. Do you
realize that if you had played a trick like
on me in the old days in West
Га have shot you like a dog?”
ily?”

“I asure you. Like a dog."

“What sort of dog?”

“Any sort of dog. Get out of here!”

“And the portrait?"

"To hell with the portra

“Tell me about the old days in West
Arica," said Lancelot, hoping to mollitv.

“To hell with West. Africa," said the
colonel

Lancelot left thc room feeling some-
what despondent. During dinner and
after it, he had flattered himself that he
made а good impression on his host
but something seemed to tell him that he
had now lost ground.

And what meanwhile, of С
Wetherby? Working on a sonnet
ион cious of a at
unease that made it hard for her
the lines the right length. Ever s
had seen Lancelot off in the train, she had
been prey to doubts and fears. She
adored him with a passion that had al-
produced six sonnets, а
arly a pound of vers libr
engaged girls have the poorest орі
the intelligence of the men the

a ad she had never wavered in
her view that Lancelot's was about equal
to that of a retarded child of seven. IF
there things up
down leton, he would, she was
convinced, spring to the task; and it was
only the fact that there seemed no possi
ble way in which he could mess up the
mission on which she had sent him that
had led her to entrust him with it. АП he
had 10 do was paint a portrait and, while
painting it, exercise the charm she knew
him to poses, and surely even Lancelot
Bingley was capable of that.

Nevertheless, she continued ill at
case: and it was with more anguish than
surprise that she read the telegram that
reached her just as she was pre
go out for lunch,

It ran:

t should

COME IMMEDIATELY. NEED YOUR
MORAL SUPPORT SORELY FOR AM ах
SOUP. DISASTER STARES EYEBALL. LOVE
AND KISSES. LANCELOT.

For some moments she stood соп
gealed, her worst fears confirmed, Then,

life scaling back into the rigid limbs,
she went to her bedroom and, with trem-
bling fingers, packed а few necessaries in
a suitcase, Hall an hour later, she was on
the train. a ticket to Bitleton in her bag:
ı hour and 45 m after that,
d her uncles garden. The first
thing she saw was Lancelot pacing up
ud down the drive, his demeanor indis
hable from that of a си on hot

id
she сше

bricks.
Lancelot!" she cried. and he came
tottering toward her

“Thank heaven you're here,” he si
med. your woman's intelligence. The
мони clouds are lowering and you Бий
me standing behind. the eight. ball. Per
haps vou will be able to tell me what to
do for the best.”

“What do you mean? What has been
happenin

“You don't n
моту?"

d it being rather a |

Not if it is coherent.
“Oh, E think 1 can r
ill right, Here are the
ay be

€ it coherent,
icis. T suppose it
р siid to have begun Det night
when 1 jumped on your uncle's stomach
oh. purely inadvertently. but 1 could

It was like this.” s meelo
related brielly the events of the previous
night, "Bur that.” he went on, “wasn't
the worst. The worst is yet t0 come. Thi
is where the plot really begins to thick
en, E had sauntered out into the garden
with my afterbrcaklast.

orning

id heard

scd. He thought he |
а steppector
Bur

cat utter а pi
idvs comm

ing. vowl.

1 was only G
а be had said.
I tokl yon vou were not to smoke

"D know. | know. but 1 thought it
would be all right if no one saw mc. One
must have ones smoke after breakfast.
or wha are breakfasts for? Well. as T
зау. red ош and lit up. and E
hawi pulled more than a few pulls
when E heard voices. Not so good, T said
то myself, nor so good. and Г dived into
the shrubbery, The voices cime ne
meone was approaching. or rather, 1
should have said that two. persons w
approaching, for whoever it was would
hardly have been talking to himself.
Though, of course. vou do get that sort
of thing in Shakespeare, Hamlet. to take
bur onc case. frequently soliloquized.

fet on with

Where
your cigar in the

aly, cer
“You were м
shrubbery”
“No. there yon a I was in the
shrubbery, yes, but 1 was not smokin
my cigar, and TI tell. you why
tural perturbation at hearing
voices, I had dropped it on the law
He pawed again. Опсе mor
Iual uttered that eldritel scream.

wits

these

“Lancelot Bingley, you ought to have
vour head examined

“I will make a note of
keep imerrupting me, dart
lose the thread. Well. these
proaching persons һай now d
close to where T lurked behind а
bush. They were your uncle and a globi
г woman whom | assumed ıo be th
Mis. Pouer of whom I had heard so
much. for she was sketching ош 10-
mind telling
irs going to be a pippin. Your unde
plainly thought so. 100. for he kept say
ing. "Excellent, excellent, and things like
that. and my mouth was watering freely
when, all of a sudden, a female shriek or
cry rent the air and, peeping cautiously
round my Шахе bush, 1 they

two

were staring fixedly at something tying
on the grass and. to cut a long story
short. it was m m

“And they caught you

they didn't know it was my cigar. |
hered from their. remarks that the

pri
Чаа!
the

с suspects were the gardener, the

ulleur and the man who deans
knives and boots. It naturally didn't
occur to your unde to pin the rap on
because after dinner last night. I had
wed him that 1 was a lifelong

abstaine

Indignation brought a flush to Gladys
face.

Then what's alb the fus about
Whats the sense of sending me tele

but

sor

of Mrs. Potter, your uncle is hav

or cousi

and

ms abour disaster sta
eyeball. if you're

g you im the
in the clear
‘m nor in the clear.”

"Yes vou are.”

No, my loved onc
not in the clear."
I don't know wl
You will in about
гу to have to add t

In the soup. yes.

you
split seco
at on the

Dam
advice
he

ingerprinted.*
Wha!

Yes. It appears that she has ai brother
ething iit Scotland. Yard.
first

at was always the

“Tf you don't pay any attention,
they usually stop showing off”

273

PLAYBOY

274

g they did with a piece of evidence.
the Чарх. I believe they cal] it.
So your uncle said he would lock it up in
his desk (ill it could be examined by the
proper experts, So now you see why I

E ster was staring us in the суе
ball. My nis must be all over
the damn thing and it wont take those
experts five minutes 10 Tay the crime at
my door

lys wood motionless. plunged in

ШП
Lancelot

A fly senled on her
bur she ignored it,
anxiously.

brow.
watched her
"Anything stirring?” he asked.
Gladys came out of her reverie.
“Yes” she said, “Theres only one
1 to be done. We must sneak down
tonight when everyone's. in bed and
ırîeve that cigar. 1 know where to find
duplic key to Unde Francis’ desk. I
weed it in my childhood when he kept
chocolates there, Expect me al your bed-
100m door about midnight.”
You think we сан do it?”

“II be as easy as falling olf a log,”
Gladys.
MI anists are nervous, highly strung

men. and Lancelot, as he waited for
Gladys to come and tell him rhat ло
hour bad arrived. was not at his bright
cxt and most debonair, He viewed the
coming expedition with concern. Tt so
happened that, for one reason or smother,
he had never fallen oll a log: but he
assumed it о be a [cat well within the
scope of the least gifted: and why Gladys
should think it resembled the tisk thar

ay before them, he could not imagine
He could think of a dozen things th
could go wrong. Suppose, to саће an
instance ar random. the parot over-
heard. them and roused the house.
But when Gladys did knock on the
г. something of confidence. returned
10 him. The mere look of her was en-
g Thee is nothing that so
heartens a man in a crisis as the feeling
that he has а woman ol strong executive
t his side. Macbeth, it will be
remembered, had this experience.

Sht” said Gladys, though he had not
spoken: and before thev set out, she had
a word of advice on strategy and tactics

couragi

to impart.
ow, listen. Lancelot." she said. "We
want to conduct this operation with a
minimum of sound cleas You im-
pulse, I know. will be to trip over your
fect and [all downstairs with a noise Jike
the delivery of a ton of coals, but resist
it, Play the scene quiedy. OK? Right.
Then lers go."

Nothing marred the success of the ex
ped п the outset. True, Lancelot
uipped over his feet as anticipated. but a
quick snatch ас the banisters enabled
hi id giving the imperson

of coals

a ton
she had warned him. In
dewended the stais and
o the study, Gladys
duced her duplicate key апа Lancelot
to himself that if he had
heen a bookie. he would have estimated
the odds on the happy ending as at least
four 10 one, when there occurred one of

silence
stole
pro

which

was just sayi

always
laclvs.

thowe unforeseen hitches that
have to be budgeted for. Even as €
key in hand, approached the desk
thee came from the cridor outside,
booming in the still night like the crackle
of machine guns. the sound of footsteps

It was а moment fraught with embar
assment for the young couple. but cach
ced with а promptitude ihat could
searcely be overpraised. By the time the
door opened. no evidence of their pres-
ence was discernible. Gladys was con-
cealed behind the curtains. thar draped
the French wi while Lancelot,
with a оте bound. had cleared the
desk and was crouching behind it. doing
his best not to breathe.

The first sound he heard was the click
of key in lock and the opening of a
drawer. There followed the serarching of
a match, and suddenly there Поа to
his nosuils the unmistakable scent of
smoke. And even as he sought vainly
solution of this mystery, the cur-
parted with a ranle amd be was
ible to catch a glimpse of the upper
portions ol the girl he loved. She
staring acaningly down at something
beyond his range of vision: and when a
sharp exclamation in Swahili broke th
silence, he knew that this тим be
Colonel Francis Pashlev-Drake.

"So!" said Gladys.

There are nor many good things one
© say in answer to the word “бо!” and
the colonel remained silent for а space
When he spoke. it was with something
of his customary dignity

Ah, there you are, m
have seemed a bit tacitum
abrupt appearance surprised
thought vou were im bed and
Well, no dou as odd 10 you to
find me here. in explain, И you
bnew 3

lows,

was

dear, Sorry to
but your
me. T

sleep.

how D am situated —
"You are situated in an armchair wi
a whacking great cigar in your n

wd 1 sh
story.”
“You shall have it
it will touch vour heart. You wer
from home. I believe. when. Mrs
entered my service?
“She had been here a ye
saw her
Exactly. She was in the employment
of a friend of mine when T was intro
duced 10 her superkuive cooking, When
he conked oui—apoplexv. poor fellow.
brought on. 1 have always thought. by
overindulgence in her Tried chicken.
Southern style—I immediately asked hi
10 come to me. and 1 was stunned when
she inquired if I was a nonsmoker
adding that she bekl smoking 10 be the
p ] human
would never consider serving under. the
banner of an employer who indulged in
the revolting practice, You follow me so
far?

I be glid to bave the inside

Potter

when E first

ry cause of

et he picture"

“h was tricky situation, you will

admit. On the one hand, I loved c
On the other, Г adored good food. Which
to choose? The whole of that night 1 lay
sleepless in bed, pondering; and whi
mort . 1 knew what my decision
must nade the great sacrifice. Т
told her 1 never smoked and, until to-
night. Û never have. But this morning.
somebody dropped this cigar on the
Lawn and the sight of it shook me 10 my
depths. I had not seen one for three
ing returned.
I cept down
s the story. my
© you wi

e 10 the c

the urge.
‚+. Well. that
nd Eam su
pe of mine се

I nor ler this
ars of

Mrs. Porter. I can rely on уо

“OF course.”

“Thank vou, thank you. You have
en a great weight off d. The sun

has broken through the clouds . .. well,
ly. of course, lor a glance at
e that the hour is one-
but. figuratively
Bless my soul, 1 have not felt so relieved
West Africi when
os. charging on me with fash-
eyes, suddenly sprained an ankle and
had to call the whole thing off. I shudder
to think what would have happened if
Mis. Potter had. learned. of my d
this
G
You wouldn't 1
lor dust.
Precisely. She would
m at dayhr
you seal your lips—
Oh

her

e me
а check
You sce
“You de? Who to?
“You know him. Lancelot Bingley.”
А hoame exciimation in some lule-
known Sen t escaped the

! You're joking!”

Тат
You seriously mean
amy that popeyed. pestilential

you

slab of damnatio
“He
“Bu

In
ede

is nor. popey

you will co that he is a

elor

as dike sor
ul not a very fas-

me he sec
brought in
that.”

“becuse 1
the са
tidious cat

Tn his nook behind il

e desk, Lancelot
blushed hotly. For a moment he thought
of rising то his feet with a curt "I resent

that re but prudence told him that
s better not to interrupt.

iot only his looks I object
1 the colonel. "I suppose he
you. but he goss about

continu
has kept it fr

jumping on peoples stomachs.”
“Yes. he tioned that to me.”
"Well. then. You don't expect

aber vou your «талу scheme of

marrying а fellow like that.

vou а penny."

Phen PH tell Mis. Pouer you're а

secret smoke
The colonel gasped. His cigar fell

from his hand. He picked it up. dusted it

and

“With the possible exception of d
monds,” gils

best

said Gladys, “a

ned and bleak. His two d
ed. U was plain that he
serions thought. Finall

“Very well. T consent 1 do
utmost reluctance. for the idea of anyc
marrying that... that... how s

ми

ће spoke.

"The guy without the tail? Calls himself Adam."

describe him? . .

+- chills me to the

f. But there is
not do without Mrs, Potter's cooking.
You shall have it^

behind the desk like
ing the colonel to
quiver Tike a smitten jelly.
Ш the cigars you want. 1
box of fifty—or. rather
rs in my room

breakfast. tomorrow,
ill show you

your head

but this time with
few words in

obvious ecstasy. He said
Cape Dutch: the
panions had. plai
obligingly translated.

dys.” he said. “E could wih you

ly missed the gist. һе

PLAYBOY

276

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AN INCIDENT IN THE PARK

(continued from ра:

FIRST LADY: Say il, anyway.
PRESIDENT. (10 the unseen person): Wi
you take us . . . to your leader?
The vevswes is looking up at this
unseen person hopefully. Suddenly, his
ex pression
naked arm reaches into view and gathers
the PRESIDENT about the waist. scoops
him off the ground (while the inst LADY
stifles a scream).
1. SHOT—INDIAN WARRIOR on pinto
pony with ewesmesy thrown stomach
down across the horses back, galloping
off into the distance of the pari
Another warkiok on anoiher
gallops over to Ihe FIRSY LADY, reaches
down, scoops her up and takes off in
pursuit of the Presidential hore.
The camera does not pursue but only
them as they fade into the

becomes grave. concern. A

horse

watches
distance.

wissoLVE 10: Exterior, Indiam camp.
Day. The Indian camp is sel on the soft
ball fields near the shore of the Central
Park rowboat pond. Iu the distance can
be seen the skyscrapers of the city, At

the moment, the PRESIDENT and FIRS
tavy are well up on the shore in the
midst. of a crowd of warriow and

squaws. They are walking toward one
particularly large teepee. the crowd fol-
lowing beside and behind them. In the
background, warriors sit on horses, guard-
ing. A campfire is being built
SOLVE To: Interior, Chief's teepee.
The camera is looking toward the en-
trance flap. Noise outside. The flap opens
The PRESIDENT enters, followed by the
THIRST LADY. The WARRIOR who had held
the flap stays at the entrance, grinning.

PRESIDENT: Thank you.

First LADY: Thank you
кыркма: Very helpful. you've been,
First LADY: Very hospitable.
PRESIDENT: Indeed.
rmst LADY: Yes, indeed.

PRESIDENT: Yes, indeel.

Short, awkward pause. The FIRST LADY
es her husband in the ribs with her
elbow.

PRESIDENT:

He reaches

PRESIDENT
How much?

тїнт LADY: Quarter will do.

He hands the warrior a quarter. The
warrior nods and exits, quarter in hand.
The flap closes.

PRESIDENT: The thing is: Of all the
money spent on defense, nor a penny of
it proved useful. That's what bothers me
the most.

тїнї ray: Hmm?

PRESIDENT: 1 mean our radar, our mis
siles. our bombers, our submarines, what
good were they in the end? None. . . .

Ah! Right.
into his pocket.
(10 his wife, sotto voce):

The whole thing: weles. A waste of

money! A waste of time,

Fest LADY: Now, come on, Abe.
Must blame yourself,

PRESIDENTE: The fact is Mary, this
country simply was not geared for bows

and arrows. Ir sounds silly, I know. but
there itis. The truth. And we slipped up.
кїн tay: Abe. it’s not your fault.

good at

PRESIDENT: 1 n we're
long range, Mary. You kiu
that's our specialty. Lc

we're really good at it
FIRST LADY

I know, dear. 1 know,
happens? Thee
hes come sneaking up on us
d trees, . . . T aell you, it isn’t

First LADY: 1 know, dear. ] know.
Now. shhh. Quiet.

A pause.

PRESIDENT (10.
Feathers on their

rmsr Lany: 1 know, dear. Now, shhh.

himself): had

heads.

They

Quiet.
rueswent: When people go ош to
fight, they're suppose to wear helmets
Not feathers.
Fins LADY: E know, darling. | know.
A pause.
хт: Not fair . the whole

Just nor. fair.

Another pause. The FRSE LADY. stares
at him with great concern. He is ob-
vivusly on the brink of a босат. In
the background. a pair of moccasined.
feet are

comer (orr sive): Ре
would like to know what redskins wan

They tun toward the voice.

seen.
s white m

сит 10: CLOSE-UP Of CHIEF FALLING
croun.
emes Welcome (o epee of Chiel

falling Cloud.
A loud pop is heard.
emer: Care for some hires
MEDIUM. SHOT Of CHEF FALLING CLOUD.
He holds a bottle of champagne in his
hands, He is smiling warmly. The cham
pagne is bubbling out
DISSOLVE TO; Name. Interior of tepec.
Group shot. The three of them are sit
ting, Indian fashion, on the ground.
They ave slightly мий. Champagne
glasses are in [ront of them. Caviar and

crackers on u tray. Fresh fruit, Hors
d'oeuvres.

rmsr LaDy (do her husband, sotto
vocc): Dear, we've been here over an
hour already. Find out what they want

presipest: Shhh! (lo the curr) And
then you graduated. Princeto

came: That's right—B.
history.

PRES т (to his wife): Isn't that
wild?
emer: And you?

Govermme
огей in anthropology.

How come we never met?
Different. frater

just too

emer: Care for some morc?
PRESIDENT: Thank you.
The cmer pours some тоте cham-

pagne. The waxswexv starts lo sing the
Princeton alma mater, He is joined by
the ct
rmsr Lay: Dear, T dont
bother you; but even though h
mate, he happens to be the enemy. Find
out what he wants.
PResipENt: Oh, yes. Um. .
camer: Suppose 1 rell you what we
з want.
PRESIDENT:

Good idea. (fo his wife)
He's not a bad chap, you know. I think
may come out of this all right

The came has taken out a scroll of
parchment, from which he will read.

ier: dn exchange for twenty-four
s... (He drops $24 worth of
coins on the ground) . . . twenty

dollars . . . we want island of
hattan back.

PRESIDENT: Ни
FIRST LADY: Mani

PRESIDENT: Manhattan’

four
M

СЕР: Seco:
Territory
PRESIDENT: Um . .

FIRST LADY (sotto
^m. He may be mad.

PRESIDENT (with forced joviality, as if
it were all a game): Un
yours... . Sorry.

cii: That's all right. We want. any
Third. Union Pacific Railroad,
Southern Pacific Railroad and the Atchi-
nd Same Fe will be ceded
who suffered most
ul Grant Act.
tome on. now

it was never

PRESIDENT: Oh. What

LADY

HIRST

(nudging him lo keep

ns amd i
ment draw
Just

ассо! with a
up by my able lawyer

PRESIDENT (fo lis wife, stunned): Did
he say
кїнї LaDy: Thats right. Chief Justice

awarded

Any questions?

PRE Yes. Why are you doing
all this? Granting, that is, t
serious.

FIRST LADY (warning him Чо keep
quiet; solto voce): Darling —

reesiwest: Shhh. Don't worry. We're
classmates.

cemer: Because we redskins аге jeal-
ous, thats why,

A pause.

PRESIDENT: Jealous?

At you're

Stunned silence by this outburst,
PRESIDENT: Of, uh, whom?

Of those goddamn bloody

DENT: Oh! Oh, God. Now—now,
listen. I can explain all that. We'll
you, Drs just that we have to, um
through this Negro thing first.
He chuckles. They stare at cach other.

PRESIDENT: But we're getting there,
Hany. I mean, this time we've almost
got it licked, And, uh. .. .

The emer spits on the ground.
We'll get to you. Oh,
God! Look. 1...1... promise. Ju
be а litle patient with us and, uh, your
people will receive justice, too.
cuter: Justice?

RESIDENT: Yes, justice. Look, Harry,
tis this?

PRESIDENT:

for God's sake, wh
А pause.

m sorry. But you've mis-
understood. We don't want justice.

PRESIDENT: You don’

CHIEF: No.

PRESIDENT: Well... well... well...
what do you want... ?

rse LADY (0 her husband, sotto
vore): Mention money, de

PRESIDEXT: Um, money.
like some money?

CHIEF: You mean wampum.

PRESIDENT (laughing weakly): Yes, uh.
. . . wampum.

The FIRST LADY and the
both laugh at this “joke”

emer: No. thank you

A pause. The PRESIDENT and the FIRST
LADY glance uneasily al cach other.

FIRST LADY (sotto voce): "Power."

PRESIDENT

rResipENT: Um, power? You know, in
the running of things. I'll make you
uh, Secretary of the Interior or some-

thin
A pause.
PRESIDENT: Vice president?
Silence.
PRESIDENT:

ААА E ONES Oe IT AE

»alphehse normandias

"I don't know what's wrong with kids today.”

277

PLAYBOY

278

“There should be no difficulty about

the divorce, Mr. Bris

gs, bul it neve

hurts to hawe the courl on our side.”

¢ o, thank. you. You may keep

your power.
The virsipext again lurns lo his wife.
FIRST Lal Dear. ws -
PRESIDENT: What?

FST LADY: Revenge.
PRESIDEN Oh. God!
me something. Is it
people w
1 will
hee

“

Harry. listen,
revenge you
LI mean,
things have

Be-because,
agree with you,

No. white mam. hois
revenge my people want.
And the emer smiles for the first tine.
PRESIDEXT: Well. then, what the hell

i it you want?

not

emer: Just persecution.

PRESIDENT: Him

FIRST LADY: Hunhz

conve: Well. I mean. Why do vou
think we're asking for all those ulous
things: Manhattan, the Louisiana Terri-

tory, the Atchison,

Topeka, and Sante Fe?

presipent: TI. T. don't know.
оше: Why
take them back. of cours
have some reason 10 attack us again:
steal our Jand, kill our children, subju-
i die to us. We want the "good of”
days” Abe—when being an Indian
meant something.
He stares al the PRESIDENT and. the

He Then he
murus and walks to the entrance of the
teepee. The warrior opens the flap and
stands at. attention,

smiles

rinst

LADY sadly.

camer (lo Ihe WARRIOR, fu passing):
Guard them well. White man speak with

forked tongue.

The emer exits, The warrior stands
guard ul the exit, The YRESIDENT and
the vinst LaDy stare ab the WARRIOR,
dum founded; lost.

Pape OUT.

VIETNAM PREDICAMENT

(continued from page 142)

Hanoi, like its earlier puppet in North
has publicly asserted its inde-
pendence. Not even the most ardent de-
lender of the war cin now believe that
пої wants to be part of a Chineseled
empire

3. The people we fight in South Viet

am, it is now widely agreed, carry
the banners of Vietnamese nationalism.
They do this a mer colonial
Gone, therc-
notion that people will
mive 10 communism.
h learned in India, the
Dutch Indo-

officers whom we suppor
the

with, is
rally 10
As the E
French in

nesia and we learned in the Ph
Western powers not win
aroused nationaliwu—and il wise, they

do not uy.
1. Those we support 1

ve recurrently

by their burlesque of democratic and
constitutional proces reduced — their
American supporters and onetime de
fenders 10 an embarrassed. silence. Gone
is the notion that any alternative will
be accepted in the United States.

3. The that we саш
count on the applause and support of the
other countries has disappeared, No Eu

topean or American mation has rallied 10

assumption

our side. Few leaders dire speak in our
favor. In Asia, despite propinquity to the
sumed danger. the most aggressi

n twisting has not brought us
only a few clients. But it is nor thar we
e failed to win support that is our
misfortune. We have aroused by 1
most massive hostility in our n
perience, There is an underlying
tion, neve
ol this opposition has bec
by Commu: Wa ı is the
most drastic of all indictments of our
Vietnam enterprise. for it shows what an
unparalleled opportunity our enterprise
has accorded the Coi

manufactured

s for аша

ies’ However. there is no reason to t
that the Communists are this much
volved. People have probably reacted
accordance with ther own conclusions
and their own conscience.

б. Finally, with all else has gone the
assumption that Am s could be ral
lied, more or less
war, howeve

iutomatically, behind

could be identified on the other
Instead, the American peopl
watched the collapse of the assump:
tions on which the Vienam war was
uched. In vindication of an iniclii
gence none should mistrust, a very
number have reached the inevitable con
dlusion: The assumptions that took us
imo Vietnam have by his

been shows

tory to be f. Therefore, we should
not be there.
The reasons that took us into the

conflict having disappeared, why do we

n. as all know. because men

nd do not like to concede,
even do themselves. that they were
wrong. Those who urged our interven-
tion were associated wih what could

опе day be regarded as the greatest mi
calculation. in our history. They remain
in command. "They are naturally. reluc-
пе to admit that their view of the
world—the view that counseled this vast
elfort—has been shown to be wrong.
And so, aided by the military momen-
of the event itself, they conti
That is why we are now at w

Ir ako cou on our coure
Moderates, among whom 1 number my
scl, should urge that when a change of
direct here will
be no тест n. We must counsel
those persisting in error that they are fa
iore likely to compound the dama
their reputation than to retrieve it

For
that is what happens to men who persist

in the face of fact.

Bur there are stereotypes in the
tudes of those who are critics of our
volvement in Viemam. If one is detailing
the miscalculations of those with whom
he disagrees. it is salutary, also, to look
for the errors of those with whom he
grees. It is most salutary of all, and in
dition a trille exceptional, to search for
cnor in one’s own past positions and
attitudes.

One grave error of those who criticize
our involvement in Vien 10 assume
that the cities are a small and heroic
id. perilously situated minority. We are
nothing of the sort. In times past in t

United States. popular
official persecution have

harshly wi

ruined and men silenced. There has al

ways seemed some special likelihood of
this when the primitive emotions of war
have But there is no
danger of such represion when vast
bers, including overwhelming
proportion of the young and the ar
luc, ше involved. One wonders. in
deed, if under such circumstances. one
should speak of dissent, Martyrs do not
march by the millions. This tendency to
ppropriate their Cloak serves. only 10
© a highly em impresion. ol

been released.

cu-

eous

the weakness of the opposition 10 our
venture. in Vietnam.
If anything, vellection should be on

the reverse, There is no community cor
cerned with foreign policy in the United
Stites where the critic of our involve
men in Vietnam is not accorded a warm
and evan enthusiastic hearing. There are
quite a few where it is nor deemed tact
ful or discreet for an official defender 10
appear. For the first time in our history
last spring those т
eign policy found it necessary, in pursuit
of this discretion, to avoid that fine old

ponsible for our f

100 many students and

Г А be present or too

many would obtrusively decline ıo be
present.
I think,

Iso. that those who arc criti
inam
spend too much time worrying about the
motives and tactics of those who share
their goals. Second only to the fear that
cism will be suppressed is the fear of

critics that they will be found in asoc
tion with someone who, for whatever
eccentric reason developed a latter-

day affection for Ho Chi Minh. This is
silly. 1 do contes to wishing that
of those who are concerned about. Viet
nam would redirect their co
winning friends amd inlluencing their
fellow citizens in effective fashion.

I find myself also more than a little
critical ol those of my fellow critics who
admit to a feeling of frustration and de
feat in their efforis to influence the Ad-
n ion on Viet e thing.
they have not be uence,

lore

сеги toward

in isti am.

ora
without i

On the c y. they have had a great
Even within the Administration
there are far more people with honest
doubts than is commonly imagined.
e more now. | venture lo

than ever before. And one has

only to ask. had there been no criticism,

for that maner, no de
strations—where would we be in
now? Where would the bombs be fall
doubt thar we would
be far more deeply and dangerously
involved th;

no objection—

ing? Can anyon

now?

Next, as is said even of the President
of the United States. the critics of our
Vietnam involvement have
100 influenced by the polls. These, 1 do
not doubt. show correctly the react of
people to the war. They show the 1
al. deeply conditioned tendency to rally
to the flag. Bur the polls do not show
depth of feeling. They do not show abil
йу to articulate fecling—to persuade.
They do not show length of memory.
They do not indicate who will write the
history and draw the lessons. They do
not always show where yout id thus
the next generation-—stmids. I those
who feel deeply and remember long
those who Gin persuade others and who
will be the next electorate are opposed, i
may not matter тоо much thar they are a
minority. Nor will they long be such.
V noted, our. wars in the past have been
fought on something close to unanimity
And they
part of the popu
in full support is wie te
in neglect of articulate
and young—that they сап be ignored

been much

iou-

hine а had the
ion that. now opposes
That it

the

хауз

vct

inlormed,

279

PLAYBOY

280

as somehow morally as well as numeri
cally inferior—is lar Irom proven. On the
contrary. it is likely to be remembered as
onc of the cardinal political errors of
dern times. m American life, me
ntellectual, so-called, is Fashionably dis-
missed as a serious factor in all the battles

except the List.

The aitics of our Vietnam involve-
nt have also. been too ready to imag:
ne that the opposition in Hanoi is c:

: peace-loving men by entering
on

tions whatever be-

terms we
This is unduly opt

mistic—and also dangerous. Let me be
on one thing. There is nor the
Mot doubt that Hanoi has iudi

cated a willingness to negotiate on vari-
ws occasions. Amd this willingness ha
hot required our withdrawal
condition, Othe
е further wid

s a pr
Is who imply otherwise
ing the credibility gap

But it is a mistake t base policy on an
particular assumption as to the behavior
wd intentions of Hanoi or the leaders of
the National Liberation Front. We do
not know the enemy that well. And it
is very easy for those who are hostile to
the idea of a ated settlement, those
who want ту solution, so t
handle our relations with Hanoi and
the NLF and so to gauge and present
their responses and nonresponses that
those who disagree ae left well out on
а limb.

I we

that is

сап have negotiations,
much to be desired. But there must be
something more. There must alo be a
policy that allows of stubbornness, suspi
tion, ill will, obtuseness and the wayward-
ness that results from imernal political
struggle on the part of those with whom
we are involved. Any policy that relies on

negotiations is а policy that is at least part-

“Let's see, thats one “yes, four ‘no’
and seventeen ‘Like, man, who needs i? ^

ly at the mercy of others. We must also
have a couse of action that is within the
scope of our own authority. We must in-
vite negotiations. And we must have a bet-
ter policy than mindless escalation, should
otiations prove not to be possible.

This brings me to my final point of
criticism of my fellow critics. They exag
gere the difficulties in finding an alier
native course of action to the one we
have been follow his tragedy has
continued so long that they have come
to believe that the alternatives have now
disappeared. “Perhaps something could
we been done earlier. Now it
his is wrong—as well as morally
k. Alternatives to continued and deep-
ening involvement exist. They have even
been made somewhat more fe:
the march of events.

Let me outline а feasible course of ac
tion that reduces our commitment in
Vietnam to sensible proportions, protects
the Inger peace. conserves our national
interest and, what could perhaps be
more important, reflects the interest. of
the sadly beset and tortured people of
this part of the world. It is a policy
that does not depend on the cooperation
of Hanoi and the NLF. although should
that be forthcoming, all would be much
eased.

The first step is to accept in fact what
many reasonable men have already con-
ceded, which is that great areas of
South Vietnam must remain indefinitely

is too

under the authority of the Viet Cong.
They have been under this authority for
vears—somerimes ten or more, It was

not the policy even in the most militant
of the Cold War yeas to roll back the
Communists fom their established posi
tions of power. Not even John Foster
Dul ed. There is no indication
that such policy is wanted by the people
most immediately involved—there is no
indication whatever thar they would ask
at the price of the horrors of military
liberation. None can say. in the comext
of rural Asia, that on the completion of
this effort their liberties would be greater
or their well-being enhanced. The men
who defend these parts of the counny—
this is especially true of the Mekong
Delta е not lores s but
fighi on th f

Much of the country under Viet Cong
control, the Deha apart, is wild and
lightly populated. To invest American
lives in so slight, improbable and subjec-
tive a qain ng. these
and jungles to a Saigon stration is
unthinkable, Nor do | honestly believe
that even the militant friends of
volvement will defend it with much en
ihusissm. In Laos, we have reconciled
ourselves to continued. control in the
north by the Pather Lao.

5s so ui

who

jı native so

swamps:

What was sensible there is sensible in
Vietnam
Next having revised our strategic

objectives, we should, for the time bein
seek the maximum of security. tranquil-
liiy and well-being in the limited but
populous areas that we control. With our
vast commitment of manpower to the
arca, this broadly defensive strategy be-
comes ent il [his is not a
mauer of to endaves, although
the attack on that policy was less that it
tarily unwise than that it was
ly unwanted. Rather, it is simply
а defensive policy that releas thc
avowed absence ol territorial ambition, 1
Irankly do not think that the areas we
defend Gin be very Lage—they will be,
in the main, urban and populous arcas
that, by and large, have been difficult for
or even immune to guerrilla operations.
They will serve as a refuge for those who
have committed themselves to our enter-
prise. They will be a position wherein to
await negotiations. They will reasure
those among us who beliewe—as 1 do
not—in the so-called domino theory
Should negotiations be delayed and
should the enemy continue to attack, an
active delense will be necessary. There
will be casualtics. But these will be in
comparably smaller than thoe resulting
Irom any «Шог 10 secure and hold the
whole

country. Perhaps in this war
weary land we сап epea stagnation
1 quies in Laos or Кона. And

one day there will be negotiations.

Phe next мер, strongly dictated. by
our own interest, is 10 cease the bombing
of North Vietnam. (The acceptance of
the territorial slaius quo in South View
mam will cud, except lor delensive pu
poses, the equally deadly and rather less
publicized air attacks there) O
attacks on the North have abo, in th
own way. disolved a great many
assumptions—they. have dissulved the as
sumption that they could interdict or
even much handicap the movement. of
men and supplies to the South, or that
they could force neg 1 or that they
wouldn't allect our moral authority else

where in the world. They have shown tlic
unwisdom of the military syllogism that,

because we hh:
pro tanto always elleaive, They hase
shown that, whatever the shortcomings of
our polities, Americans are not so cynical
that a party can win an election by op-
posing such use of air power and ther
turn ad and initiate precisely this
all within weeks

. and not surprisingly, given the
weight of our attack ou a poor and primi-
tive Land, the supply of targets that do
not involve even more bi
slaughter or greater risks.
hay been exhausted. So it is dear that we
E With this ac
we end the most reckless and sanguinary
spect ol our involvement in Ушаш
and the one thar always carried. with it
the temptation of yet more escalation, yet
greater involvement, We lose пой
And in the background are the repea

€ airplanes, ай power is

international

uld end. these raids

bombing thus
ions. Rarely
h of wisdom

suggestions that, if the
ends, there can be negor
in foreign policy is the p:
so clearly etched.

Next we must begin to disengage our
selves from the political generals to
whom we have become commited in
Saigon. That commitment. no less than
the beliel in a military solution, was Uic
produa of assumptions that have thor-
Му disolved. It was рап of the be
liel that for id Americans alike
would approve any alternative to com-
munism

we must begin 10 рш View
back in proper mental perspective.
It bulks kage in our minds not because it
place where great issues are bei
decided but because we have so ohen
id it is such а place. We must now be-
gin to live by the truth. and not by our
own propaganda. Indo-China is not the
crossroads of the world: no great issues
of strategy or security are involved
lier statements that to hght there is to
oid fighting in Hawan or Santa Moni-
ca are how recalled only with amuse-
ment. The counuies in that part ol the
world that have so far lived in the
greatest security have not been those, like
Thailand, that we defend, but those, like
Burma, that we do not defend. The col-
lapse of Pwaeli democracy would have
been a tragedy for all mankind ан
panly because it was а democracy, it
«а not. collapse. No scriot ron will
suge пу government of the past
decade in Saigon should evoke а similar
pasion. Our best judgment must now be
that, on the other side, we are involved
with one of the many forms of national
»unism with which we have learned
that we can live and with which, as а
practical matter, we now know that we
must lite

The seps P have just outlined—the
abandonment ol the al ob territorial
conquest and pacification, de-escalation
and а defensive strategy, the ending of
the air attacks, politic detachment, an
escape Irom our own propaganda, nego-
tiation if this proves possible—are not
very dramatic. Nor do they bring our
history in Indo-China ıo an end—though
even if the ending of the air attacks does
not bring negotiations, we can be s
as 1 say, that someday negotiation wi
occur. But this is the nature of the mod-
crate program. Violence and death do
mor lack in drama; as all who are ex
perienced in Washington have long been
aware, it is always the men of least moral
the loudest in

com

со! e who аге recon.

mending sanguinary action and. sending
in the bombers and the Marines. But
the moderate path 1 have outlined is
опе we Gin adopt and one that will sec
uy clear. Ht is the one lor which the 1
est measure of agreement саю be won.
The tsk of the moderate is to win that

agreement,
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(continued from page 122)

Japanese are funny, Mannichon
thought. They are not like us
Tag aguin, “Further
exhaustive investigation, carefully con-
wolled, will perhaps enlighten us. Exper-
imems with at least five hundred other
yellow mice, to begin with, with live
hundred. conuols. A thousand goldfish,
similar procedure, Naturally yellow or-

ms, such as daffodils, parrots,
squash, corm, etc, similar procedure.
Higher vertebrates. dogs, a certain yellow-
bottomed biboon, to he found in the rain
forests of New Guinea, unfortunately
rare, two horses, roans will do:

"How can I get two horses into Deter
gems and Solvents?” Mannichon asked,
his head rechi ally if we have
ш keep this qu

“This laborator

tka grew

Tageka made a

courteous cas-wind gesture of his hand at

the gleam around them—"is at the
service of my honorable friends. And we
must show a certain amount of initiative
in conducting some of our experiments
in other localities, AI J need is a few
comectly prepared tissue slides, stained
as 1 direct.”

“But | can’t put in request [orms for
baboons and horses,” Mannichon said,
sweatin in.

I had thought it understood that. we
would undertake this privately.” Tage
said frostily, looking at Crockett.

Th right," Crockett. said.

“But where's the money going to come
from? Yellow-bottomed baboons, for
God's sake.” Mannichon cried

‘Tam merely а pathologist.” Tageka
said. He drank some more sherry

Гүн in^ Crocket said.

"You can be in,” Mannichon said, near
tears, “You have companies all over the
-. d make
red. dollars

world. Liechtenstein, Ischia
seven thousand, eight. hui

"We know what you make, pardner,"
eka said. "I will absorb your share of
inary expenses, along with my

the p
own
Mannichon breathed hi

ily with grat-
itude. There was no doubt about it, he
was finally in with Class,

"E hardly know what to sa he
began.

There is no need to say anything.”
said Tageka, "As partial reimbursement
for funds kud out, І shail take the exclu
sive rights of your share of all of north-
urope for the first ten years, on a
line drawn from London to Berlin.

d Mannichon, He would
have liked to say something else, but
what came out was. “Yes, sir."

"Т reckon thar’s about it lor the night,
pardners." Tageka said. “I don't like 10
rush you, but J have some work 10 do
before E yo to sleep.”

NASA

“Yes, sir ш

He escorted Crockett. and Mannichon
politely to the door of the laboratory
They heard it lock behind them.

The Oriental mind." Crockett said
"Always suspicious."

The girl in the offmauve p
still lying on the couch, Her eyes were
өр

ms was

There's no doubt of it, М,
thought, taking а last devouring
i ic of spec

look ar
lization

The next weeks were frantic. Manni
chon spent his days in Detergents and
Solvents writing up reports өп non
existent experiments to indicate on the
weekly reviews that he was earning his
ағу and loyally advancing the inter
ests of Vogel-Paulson. The nights were
spe Kyh’s labo . Man
nichon had got his sleep down to three
hours, The tests went on methodically
The 500 yellow mice duly succumbed. A
yellow Afghan with an illustrious pedi
gree, bought at great expense, listed less
than an hour after lapping up several
drops of Mannichon's solution in a bowl
of milk, while a blick-and-w
liberated from the pound for three dol
lars barked happily for avo days alter
sharing the same meal. Dead goldfish: Lay
by the hundreds in Tageka's refrigera
tors and е yellow-bottomed baboon,
alter showing deep aflection for Tagek:
solaan for Crockert doa фейс w
murder. Mannichon, was Hid to rest only
a minutes after its relevant. parts had
kened

t in Tage тог

te mongrel

been bed in a purposely w
variant of the solution.

During this period, Mannichon's do.
I that it mi

mestie situation was not
have been. His nightly арис had De-
gun 10 annoy Mrs. M. hon. He could
not tell her what he was doin;

except
that he was working with Crockett and
Гарска. Because ol the community-
property laws, he was planning to divorce
her belore the company

showed any

profit.

What have you fellows got going
up there every night” Mis. Mannichon
demanded, “A rainbow-colored daisy
ch:

One more cross to bear, Mannichon
thought. Temporarily.

Flowers and vegetables had not been
alfccted by the solution and they had not
yet tried horses. And despite some in
genious manipulations of the solution by
Crockett (he had managed to subtract
two hydrocarbon molecules from. Гохо
and had dioxotetramerc-
phenolerrogene 11 with a large variety
ol residual

bombarded

adioacti

isotopes), ihe
rings always remained on whatever. ma-
terials they ir astive
While the two men
worked on serenely, checking all Heads

dd. eve ter exh:

scrubbing. ог

meticulously night after night and pro-
ducing dazzling results for Vogel Paulson
day alter day, Mannichon. vertiginous
from lack of sleep. way begim
despair of ever finding any practical use

for the Mannichon solution. He would
little paper that might or might
get published, two or three bio.

chemist throughout. the country might
thumb through the pages olfhandedly
another Curious little dead end of
ch would be closed out and forgot
ten, He would drive the 1959 Plymouth
for the rest of his life and he would never
see the inside of a divorce court

He didn't communicate his fears to
Crockett and Tageka Kyb, It was hard
to communicate anything to them. In the
they rarely listened. when he
fier a couple of weeks, they
sten l|. He did his work
His work finally consisted

ot
tion and filing

sileno
washing up. taking dic
slides. Me was having his
Vogel-Paulson, too. His weekly running
digests of nonexistent experiments wi
not being received with enthusiasm. and

ominous memo had come to him in a
haby-blue envelope from Mr. Paulson
himself, “Well?” M Paul: had
scrawled on a kage piece of paper. Just
Ir was пог promising.

He had decided to quit. He had to
чин. He needed at least one nights
sleep. He wanted to announce it to hi
partners, but it was dificult to find the
appropriate time. He knew he couldn't
y it in front of Tageka Kyh, who was a
remote man, but the chance that
if he got Crockett alone for a minute or
two. he could ош. After. all.
Crockett: was white.

So he took to tagging after Crockett
and lying in wait for him whenever he
could. But it took nearly another week
before his opportunity presented itself.
He was w front of the restaurant.
where Crockett often lunched, usually
with a ivious girl or se l lascivious
girls, The restaurant was called La Belle

troubles a

e was

get i

Provençale and a meal there never cost
less than ten dollars. That
did't order wine. M

СЕТ
could cat there for 85 cents
one good thing about Vogel Paulson.

Te was a hot day and there
Because of his vertigo,
rocked from side 10 side
ed, as though he were on the deck of
ving ship, Then he saw the L
drive up. For once. Crockett. way alone
He left the motor running аз ће stepped
out amd turned the car over (o the
tendant to park. He didn't notice Manni-
chon as he strode toward the door of La
Belle Provençale, although he passed.
within three [eet of hir

“Crock.” Mannichon said.

was
Manni
as he

jd looked around
А look of displeasure angled across the
Yankee angles of his face. “What the hell
you doing here?” he said.
“Crock.” Mannichon said, "1 ha
talk t0 you”
“What the hellre you rod
Crockett asked. "Are you dru
пагу one of the things 1 wanted
gas
A funny expression. intense and cold,
unc over Crocketts face, He was st

Crockett stopped

ing past Mannichon, ever Mannichon's

shoulder. "Look!" he said.
You fellersve been great and all
ichon said. lurching closer to

rocket, “but 1 have to—
Crockett grabbed. him by the shoul-
ders aud him around. “I

swung said,
"Look.
Mannichon sighed and looked. There

. Across the
there

was nothing much to look
эиес. in fr bai
broken-down oll wagon full of empty
gingerale bores and an old horse, its
head drooping in the heat.

nt of it was

"Look at what. Crock?” Mannichon
said. He was now seeing double, but he
didnt want 10 burden Crockett with his
troubles.
The ho
“What about the horse:
“What color is it, ma
yellow. I me:
sid. correcting,

man, the hors
Crack?

ifs yellow
his

thing comes to him who w
Crockett said. He took out a small boule
of the Mannichon solution. He never
went anyplace without it. He was a ded-
icued scientist, not one of those ii
servers who lock their minds when th
lock their office doors. Swiftly, Crockett
poured some of the solution on his right
. He gave Mannichon the boule to
se the police ever asked any
questions. Then he saumered across the
street toward the old yellow horse and
the wagon full of empty gingerale bor
tles. It was the first time Mannichon had
seen Crockett saunter anywhere
Crockett went up to the horse. The
driver was nowhere in sight. A Buick

“This ‘black power thing, now. What the devil
do you make of it, George?"

283

passed with a colored man at the whe
but aside from that, the street was empty.

"Good old dobbin,” Crockett said. He
patted the horse kindly on the muzzle
with his wet hand, Then he sauntered
back toward Mannichon. “Put that god-
damn bottle in your pocket, man," he
whispered. He 100k M:tnnichon’s arm,
wiping the lust drops of the liquid off on
Mannichon's sleeve. [t looked friendly,
but ihe fingers felt like steel hooks. Ma
nichon put the bottle of the solution in
his pocker and. side by side, he and
Crockett went into the restaurant.

The bar of La Belle Provengale was
nd the bot-
shelves up
against die window! With tie light from
the street coming in from behind them,
the bottles looked like jewelry. It was а
artistic effect. There were quite a few
people cating tendollar lunches in the
dark interior of the restaurant. in a hush
of expensive French food, but there was
nobody else at the bar. The room was air
conditioned and. Mannichon shivered un-
controllably as he sat on the bar stool,
looking out at the street through the bot-
des. He could see the yellow horse be
tween a bottle of Chanreuse and a boule
of Noilly-Prat. The yellow horse hadn't
moved. He was still there пе heat
with his head down.

“Whal it be, Mr. Crockeu
tender said. "The usual Eve
ways knew Crockett’s name.
The usual Benny,” Crockett said.
id an alexander dor my friend."
Crockett never. forgot anything.

They watched the horse through the
while Benny prepared the Jack
nies and the alexander. The forse
didn't do anything

The bartender served the drinks aud
Crockett drank half of his in one gulp.
Mannichon sipped at his alexander.
ock,” he said, "I really do have to
Ik to you. This whole thing is getting

PLAYBOY

the bar-
body al

1," Crockett said. The driver of the
gon was coming out of the bar
the street. He climbed. up onto the seat
of the wagon and picked up the re
The horse slowly went down on its knees
and then all the way down between the
traces. The horse didn't move anymore.
‘Send two more drinks to the table,
Benny," Crockett said. "Come on, Flox,
FH buy you lunch."

Crockett. ordered tripes à la mode de
Caen for lunch and a boule of hard
cider. Crockeu certainly wasn't a typical
ankec. As soon as Mannichon saw and
led the dish, he knew his stomach
was going to make some peculiar claims
on his attention that afternoon. He never
manage 10 dell Crockett Шш he
wanted 10 quit.

Toss

"s.

284

of them were in his
nthouse. Ji was com-

was saying. All thre
ory in the pe

paratively early, ошу 2:30 au, Vageka
had taken the news about the horse
without surprise, although he did say
that it 100 bad they hadn't gouen

any slides, "We've gone just about as far
as necessary with the lower vertebrates,”
Tageka Kyh said. “The next experiment

suggests itself inevitably."
lr didn't suggest isell inevitably to
Mannichon. "Whats that” he said.
For once, Tageka Kyh answered one
of Mannichon's questions. "Man," he
said simply.
michou opened his mouth and

kept it open. He didn't dose it lor some

time,
Crockett

lines

had his face squeezed up
ol concent “1 foresee

into

decent selection of pigmented subjects.

"Well, 1 know everybody ас Lakeview
1 downtown, of course,” Crockett
but 1 don't think we'd find the
proper range. Afier all, were in die Mid-
west. 1 doubt il you'd even lind more
than two or three Indians in a уса

Mannichon still had his mouth open.

1 don't uust those fellows at Gener-
ab" Tageka Кур said. “Theyre sloppy.
And whatever man we pick we'll have to
bring in as а full parier, of course, and
1 don’t like anyone down at General
enough to dump a fortune in his lap."

Mannichon would have liked to i
rupt ar this point. Tageka Kyh’s use of
the word fortune seemed. careless, to зау
the kast Everything they bad done up
10 now, as far as Mannichon was con-
cerned. had been vigorously devoid of all
possibility of profit. But Tageka Kyh was
caught up m his planning, speaking
smoothly, articulating well. pronouncing
every syllable

“L think all indications point to the
Coast. San Francisco comes to
Гарска Kyh said. "A sizable non:
white population, well-run hospitals with
¢ nonsegregated. charity wards. . .
Mannichon He
had been there on his honeymoon, He
had had shark's-fin soup. You only ger
manîed once, he had said to Lulu
1 have a friend on the staff of Mercy
ıl Cancer," 7 ı Ryh said. “Ludw

row

mind.”

said.

ха
“OF course” — Crockeu — nodded
Qieleh. Prostate. Top-notch.” Crockett
had head ol everybody.
"He was first in his dass at Berkeley

three before me," Ty
said. “I think FII give him a tinkle
reached for the phone.
а minute, ple
Mannichon said hoarsely
lo say you are going t0 experiment on
living human beings? Maybe kill then
eka Kyh you

Mr. Ta

“Do vou mea

said,

brought this fellow in on this. You
llc him.

lox," Crockett said.
irritation. “it boils down i0 this—are yo

а scientist or arent you а scientist:

with evident

Tage! s already dialing San
Francisco.
et хе. Ludwig Qvelch

was saying, “what have we got on hand?
Vm thinking of the Blumstein wing. That
would seem to be [s place to begi
don't you a Т
ска Kyh КШ.

“The Blumstcin

wing. Ideal,” he said.
Qvelch had arrived. only 14 hours
after the call to San. Francisco. He had

closeted himself with Tageka Kvh and
Crockett all afternoon and. evening. Tr
was midnight now and Mannichon had
been admitted. to the conference, which

t in the Cape Cod living

» Ludwig Охе was a huge, tall
man, with wonderful white teeth and a
hearty Western. manner. He wore 5300

suits with light ties and he was а man
you would instinctively wust anywhere.
He һай made some marvelously elo-
quent speeches оп natienal television.
ti Medicare.

Qui took out a small black al
notebook and thumbed through it.
the moment.” he said. "we have thi
three € ans, wehe Negroes, three
indeterminate. опе Hindu, one Berber
amd seven. Orientals. six presumably. of
Chinese ext one definitely Japa
nese. АШ male, of course.” He laughed.
heartily at this allusion to his specialty.
the prostate gland. “I would call that a
enough sampling, wouldu't you?”

“Wil do.” Tageka Kyh said,

ТАП terminal?” Crockett asked.

1 would sity roughly eighty percent.”
Qveleh said. "Why do you ask?”
“For Mis sake” Crockett sured to-
rd Mannichon. le was worried."
"Fm. glad to see that the rarefied
wiped our your ad.
tul scruples.” Qvelc said,
е Western hand on Manni:
alder. “Have no fear. No lile
ppreciably.*
Mannichon

тог

“Ат

ion.

ol research. hasn’
гале y
putting a |
chon's sh
will be shorrencd —

hanks, doctor

mum-
bled

Qvelch looked at his wuch. “Well
Ive got to be tootling back.” he said.
“1'11 keep in touch.” He put a liter boule,
usually volat

reserved lor c
acids and encased in lead, imo his valise.
“Youll be hearing from me.” He started

i Tageka Kyh ac

briskly toward the door,
him. Qveldı stopped before
What is it
Ш proceeds to each. part
i and Сома Rica ex-
e of

One quarter of
ner, with Guatem

"Iss all in the memorandum 1 y
you this afternoon.” Tageka Kyh said
Yes. of comse,” Qveleh said. "I just

“I still can't get used lo a Christmas without snow.”

285

PLAYBOY

286 instead of psychiatry. IE you"

ted to be able to clear up any little
points with my lawyers when the incor
iom papers come through. Nice
meeting you fellers.” He waved w
Crockett and Mannichon and was gone:

Tm afraid well have to break it up
early tonight, рап ska Kyh
said. “I have some work to do.

Mamnichon went right home, looking
forward to his first good night's sleep in
months. His wife was out playing bridge,
so he should have been able to sleep like
a baby, but for some reason, he couldn't
close his eyes until dawr

"Qvelch called this afternoon," Tageka
Kyl said. "Не reports results."
hon’s eyelids began to twitch
ms and he found that his
lungs had suddenly begun t reject air
“Do you mind if I sit down?" he said. He
had just rung the bell of Tageka’s apart-
ment and Tageka himself had come to
the door. Supporting himself with his
hands against the wall, he made his way
nto the living room and sat unsteadily in
a captain's chair. Crockett was sprawled
on the couch. a glass of whiskey ou his
breastbone. Mannichon couldnt tell
from the expression оп Crocket's. face
whether he was sad or happy or drunk.
followed Mannichon into the
Can 1 get you anything?” Tageka
asked, being a host. “A beer? A juice

“Nothing, th. you" Mannichon
said. This was the first time since they
had met that Tageka had been polite to
him. He was being prepared for some-
Vhat did

Dr. Qvelch have to
“He asked to be remembered. to you,
"Fageka said, sitting between Crockett
and Mannichon on а cobblers bench
and taking in a hole on the chasedesilver.
buckle of the belt of his jeans.
What else?” Mannichon asked.

“The first experiment has been con-
cluded. Охе himself administered the
solution epidermally to eight subjec

five white, two black and one yellow.
Seven of the subjects have registered no
tation, "Ehe autopsy on the eighth
Mannichon’s lungs w
in jas “We've killed

be reasonable, Flox.” It was
Crockett talking, wearily, the whiskey

glass going up and down evenly on his
chest. “I happened in San Francisco.
Two thousand miles away from here.”
“But it's my solution
“Our solution, Mannichor
said evenly. "With Qvelch, we
four

Tageka
number

difference?
ап lying on

wh, the

пс, ours 's
at China

There's a poor di
a slab in
“Wih your temperament, Ма
chon,” Tageka said, “I don't underst
how you happened to go into research

do business with us, you'll have to rc
strain yourself.”

“Business!” Mannichon staggered 10
his feet. "What kind of business do you
call this? Killing off Chinam:
cer in San Francisco! Ва
unaccustomed irony, “if

he said with
d of

t to listen or do you want
to make an oration?” Tageka said. “I
have many interesting and valuable
things to tell you. But ] have work to do
nd 1 can't waste my time. That's better.
Sit down.”

Mannichon sat down.

“And stay down.” Crockett said.

“The autopsy, as T aying.” Ta
geka went on, "indicated that the subject
tural death. No traces of any
ny of rhe organs
occured quietly, due, by i
Terence, to a secondary Hash reaction to
acerous material in the region of the

prostate gland. We know better, ol
course.”
Um a murderer,” Mannichon said,

his head between his hands.
UD really can't tolerate language
in my house, Crock,”
“Perhaps we had better let him dis

“И you want 10 go back to Detergents
and Solvents, Flox,” Crockett said, with-
you

out moving from the couch,
where the door i
Th

"s exactly what 1 want to do,"
Mannichon said. He stood up and
started toward tbe door.

“You're walking out on the best part
man.” Crockett said

of a million dolla
y.

michon stopped walking toward
the door. He turned. He went back to
the captain's chair. He sat down. “I
might as well hear the worst,” he
down in
у Crockett said. “1 dropped in
| an old friend. Simon Bunswanger. 1
went to school with him at Boston Latin.
You haven't heard of him. Nobody's
heard of him. He's in the CIA. Big m:
in the CIA. Big, big man. 1 gave him a
little rundown on our project. He was
titillated. He promised to call а meeting
of some of the boys in his shop for briel-
g and proposals" Crockett looked at
his watch. "He's due here any minute.”

“The CIA?" Mannichon now felt com-
pletely adrift. “What'd you do that for?
They'll put us all in jail."

“Quite the opposite.” Crockett said.
"Quite the opposite. I'll bet you two
1cxanders he comes in here with a
[at proposition.

"For wh Mannichon asked.
he was sure that all those compan
all that lack of sleep had made i
ble inroads on Crockett’s reason.
would they want with the M
solution?"

"Remember the first day you came to

icc.

Now
and

nichon

me, Flox?” Crockett finally got to his feet.
He was in his socks and he padded over
to the bar to pour himsel a fresh Jack
jel's. "I said, we answer one ques-
tion, we can clean up. Remember that?
More or less” Mannichon said.
“Do you remember what that one
question was?” Crockeu said, drinkin
sounding liquid. "I'll refresh your little
old memory cells, reactivate the old
nerve patterns, The question was, “What
the hell is yellow that we are oven
with, like r Remem
ber that?
"Yes" Mannichon si
the CIA got to... 77
“The CIA, man,
“knows exactly what is
we аге ovemun with.
dropped a piece of ice into
stirred with his finger.
m

“But what has

Crockett,
and what

said
elow
He paused.
is drink and

The doorbell rang. “That be
Bunswanger.” Crockett

“This is the last time PH do any
work with anybody like you, Mannichon.
Гарска said idly. “You're psychically
unstable.”

Crockett back into the room
with a man who looked as though he
could have made a good living as а le-
male impersonator in the old days of
vaudeville. He was willowy and had fin

blond hair and а small bow mouth and a

must
id. “ГИ go."

can

Crockett said, "b want you to
meet my partners.” He introduced T
века, who bowed, and Mannichon, who
couldn't look into Bunswanger's eyes
they shook hands. Bunswangers grip
is not that of a female impersonator.
“II have a Jack Daniel's, Crock.”
Bunswanger said. 1t must have been the
campus drink at old Boston Latin. Bu
swanger had а voice that reminded Man-
nichon of Carborundum.
ass in hand. Bunswanger sat on one
of the scrubbed pine his legs
crossed in a fetching manner. “Well, the
boys in the shop think you fellows have
done i
search,” Bunswanger
some tests run and they bea
out one hundred. perc
from Qveleh?
“This afternoon,
sults positive:
Bunswanger nodded. “The boys in the
shop said they would be. Well. no use
beating around the bush. We want it
‘The solution, We've already set up pre

tables,

т your pipers
. Did you hear

Tageka said. "Re-

liminary target zones. The source of the
Yangize, three or four lakes in the north,

two of the tributaries of the Yellow Riv
places like that. You don't happen to
p of China handy, do you?
id Tageka.

swanger said. “I would
clear up the picture for you fellows." He
looked around. "Nice ple you have
here. You'd be surprised what they ask

make а big эр
{ olidays

no gift
improves
е flavour
ОТ water
like
Teachers

Bottled
in Scotland

About $725 a fifth * Prices may vary according Io st

PLAYBOY

288

for a decent place to live in Washington.
Of course, the Russians will help us.
We've sounded them out already. Ма
it more comfy, reduces the risks. That
long border with Siberia and all those
delegations. ОГ course, that's the

of the stuff. No bang. We've
searching for something w
for years. Nothing satisfactory
up, until this. Did you fellows test all the
way down? I didn’t see it in your papers.
I a hurry, of course, but 1
wondered.

Mannichon asked.

"Down to cifective reaction at lowest
possible percentage of solution in H Two
O," Bunswanger said.

“We t push to the limit, Si,”
Crockett said. “We only worked nights.”

“Amazing — elficienc| Bunswanger
said. He took a delicate sip of his whís-
key. "We ran a [ew trials One two
billionth of a part in fresh water. One
twee-billionth of a part in salt water."
He laughed, sounding girlish, remember-

something. "There's a curious side
t. It cures jaundice. You could set
up a company, pharmaceutical only, and
ke a wad just on that. Only on a doc
prescription, of course, You'd have
to make sure nobody used it on Orientals
or there'd be hell to рау. Well, just a
detail. Now"—he uncrossed his legs—
"practical matters. Well pay you two
million cold for it. Out of unvouchered
funds. So you don't have to pay the tax
boys anything on it. No record. Nothing
iting. It's a great shop to do
business for. No niggl
Mannichon panting again.
“Are you all " Bunswanger
is voice.

Bunswanger sa
looking concernedly at Mannichon, “if
we ever use gs over on а royal-
ty basis, But we can't guarantee that it
ever go operational. Though the
way things look right now. . . .” He left
the sentence unfinished.

it swi

“Miss Beverly, I want an option on you
Jor the Christmas party.”

michon thought of Ferrari after
„ dozens of girls in oftmauve

pants.

nd Tm off,”
to make
his

I have a
ow. Hear this,
voice was as precise as a gun sight.
in for twenty percent. One. fifth.
services rendered.” He looked around.
Crockett nodded.
Tageka nodded.
Mannichon nodded, slowly.
m off to Caracas," Bunswanger said
He finished h k. They shook
1 round. “There'll be a fellow
here in the morning,” Bunswanger said,
ith the loot. In cash, naturally. What

Bunswanger said,
making a quick entry in a small alligatoi
bound notebook. “Glad you dropped in
the other day, Crock. Don't bother
seeing me to the door. And he was
gone.

There was litle more to be done.
Since they were going to be paid in cash,
they had to figure out w
tion Tageka was to get for hi
rights and his ten-year share of Mant
chon's portion of the rights [or northern
Europe. It didn't take long. Тарека was

just as good а mathe as а
pathologist.
Crockett and Mannichon left the

apartment together. Crockett had a date
at a bar nearby with Mr. Paulson's third
and present wile and he was in a hurry to
be off. "So | lox," he said as he got
into his La
s humming аз he spurted off.
Mannichon got into the Plymouth. He
sat there for a while, trying to decide
what to do first. He finally decided that
first things came first. He drove home at
60 miles an hour to tell Mis. Mann
he was going to get a divorce.

Up in the apartment, Tage!
ing on the cobblo's bench, mal
ideograms with a brush and ink on a
scratch pad. After а while, he pressed a
buzzer. The Negro butler came in,
dressed in his yellow striped vest and
white shirt sleeves with heavy gold cult

eka Куй said to the but-
"tomorrow 1 want you to order five
hundred grams cach of dioxotetramerc-
phenoferrogene, 14, 15 and 17. And five
hundred pink mice. Noon second
thought, better make it а thousan

“Yes, sit,” said James.

“Oh, and James"—Tageka. Kyh waved
the brush negligently at the butler. “Will
you be good cnough to put in a call to
the Japanese embassy in Washington
ТИ speak to the ambassador personally.”

“Yes, si" James said and picked up
the phone.

THE BUMMIES con ined prom page 195)

the sprawling vastness of the Gity of
Angels In the Bunny Dressing Room
on the third floor of the building, Kathy
slips into her Bunny outfit, refreshed
nd ready to greet keyholders in the
ground-level Living Room of the Club.

“In the Living Room,” Kathy says,
“I'm able to feel the mood of the whole
evening. Then, when the night's over, a
bunch of us mom down the Strip to the
Whisky à Go Go or around. the corner
to P. [./5"—two of L. A's most. popular
all-night rockaterias—"to relax with the
latest dances. | don't know how any-
thing that looks so strenuous сап make
you feel so free.”

Kathy's love lor her “wheels,” for the
beach and for the music a local disc
jockey calls “Boss sounds for Boss An-

gels" is as typical of her cottontail col-
leagues as are her all-American good
looks. The Bunnies of Hollywood (or of

Los Angeles. if you prefer—Sunset Strip
technically falls in West Hollywood) hail
from six foreign countries, from U.
urbia as distant as Spokane and the

d as nearby as Southern. Cali
«lf (a 100mile circle with
center at the Club would include the
home towns of half the Bunnies). They
come to or мау in Los Angeles for the
fun and excitement of the Club, for the
incomparable advantages of L. A's geog-
md for Hollywood's

phy а
movie opportunities.
To a girl. the Bunnies of Hollywood
enjoy at least one of the outdoor sports
available, in unique proximity and profu-
sion, to Southern Californians—and
most are involved. in what sound like
comprehensive courses in the consum-
mare enjoyment of the great outdoors,
Snow skiing and waterskiing, scuba div-
ing and sky diving, desert exploring.
ing—in fact, almost every alf
activity invented by тапа
ticed year-round someplace w
day's drive of the Los Angeles Playboy
b. Its no surprise that. Hollywood's
ny brigade is the most completely
tetic collection of cottontails in the

perip

key chain: an evening with any of them
that doesn't include at least one auto
motive excursion—or allusion—i rare
iny d

If. as many observers contend, Los
des is a vision of what the ret of
America will become in ten years, the good
news is that Гог every extravagance cele-

brated iu the works of. Nathanael. West
ıd Evelyn Waugh, the city offers ex

inary examples of good taste and
joie de vivre. Vis complex of ucarat-hand
action theaters, for example—from. the
Dodgers’ Chavez Ravine to the Holly
wood Bow!—make similar acractions in
lessgifted cities pale in comparison.
Hundreds of galleries and museums
(most notably, the Los Angeles County

Muscum of Art, the Pasadena Museum
ad the Municipal Art Gallery) compete
for the attention of legions of Sou
California painters and connoisseurs—
such as Bunny Candy Humphries, L. А.5
5 Bunny of the Year and its most
ndy's off
© supper
7a and chianti on a beach just as the
s setting.” she says) is only one of
the multifarious modi vivendi of the
Bunnies of Hollywood. If Candy and her
colleagues are harbingers of things to
come, we can look forward to a future
filled with style.

As а recent and entirely appropriate
addition to a city that makes style a way
of life, L. A's coriontails instinctively em-
brace a relaxed ink
their spacious Club
from ihe “let's close-the-dealyestert
pressure that occasionally cha
the rest of L. A. When regular
Jack Palance or ‘Tony Benn
Dana and Don Ad:
n the same building—drop in, they may
ask their favorite Bunny for a tableside
telephone, but they ely to con-
centrate on unraveling harried nerves.
Yet work and leisure have always i
mingled uniquely in Hollywood. Bunny
Mother Alice Nichols—who wore satin
cars herself in Chicago—notes t
much i
tiv

beat, sandside Ше ("Му favor
is
su

Hollywood depends on attrac:
ness in both appearance and person-
ality that my girls wouldn't think of

going out onto the floor unless every-

thing from their make-up to their mood
n to relax and impress the key-
Producers, directors and agents
ofien are impressed, and the Club reacts
with unqualified pride when one of its
own starts toward stardom. Almost half
the Hollywood cottontails have won
parts in films or TV shows, and a clea
cur majority—including | Kathy—have
tested their Angeleno wings in TV com-
mercials.

Among the most talented of the cur-
rent Hollywood Bunnies i» Sam Moor-
Sharon Ann spelled fast
ins. Afier a childhood in
Whittier, California, a stint as а model
for West Coast designer Rudi Gernreich
nd a gig at college on a music scholar
ship, Sam brought her striking talents—
-37 figure—to the Playboy Club
York. In close to three years
ny, she has shuttled between
the Coasts, acquiring suitably a schizo
phrenic ser of vastes—"glamorous New
York opening nights and my big black
alilornia motorcycle." With the full
blessings of the Club, she took a leave of
absence last spring to appear in a pro-
n of Call Me Madam—with Ethel

is cert
holder

ate

з Kathy. Candy and Sam
aren't exceptions: The Bunnies of Holly-
wood are a stunning cross section of the
beautiful, sun-browned. girls of Califor-
„ open with themselves and with any-
one they like and zestfully involved in

Smyis
rv

“Just tell the Senator I represent fioe thousand
nudists in his state."

289

PLAYBOY

290

ures and variety of the benign
around them. Camera Bunny
ughan, for example, went
to Los Angeles after a year at San Jose
City Junior College and more than a
year “studying people, keeping a diary
and just relaxing" in the North Beach
of her home town, San Francisco.
"I've kept my journal for six years now,
in about 20 big, three-ring notebooks,"
Shannon says, “It's great 10 look back
and sce exactly where I've changed.

One recent change is a wholeh
commitment to an acting carcer
played the lead in a short film by Wi
Coast moviemaker Mel Henke and has
brightened The Man from U.N. C. L. E
as well as several TV commercials.
brandnew part of her training finds
Shannon frontrow center every ch:
she gets at the Ahmanson Theater or the
circular Mark Taper Forum, twin dra
showcases that opened last spring to
complete the Los Angeles Music
Center.

Most of the Bunnies with stardom in
their eves elect to leave their da
for shooting and work evenings at the
Club, But the business 1
men who hie themselves to the hutch (in
Southe 5t-mile drive for
a lunch date is 5.0- lavish noon-
time smorgasbord in the Living Room
or for a steak ар the Playroom,
are still able to enjoy the company of
cottontails they caught on TV the night
before. Daytime Bunny Annazette Chase,
for instance, whose dark-brown hair and
sienna eyes have delighted keyholders
since the Club opened on the last night
of 1064, played the welLremembered
role of Mrs. Adams in Hotel and smaller
pars in Ben Casey, Mr
Eleventh Hour and—like
The Man jrom О. №. С.І. E.
Soon-hour Bunny De (pronounced
“Dee") Russell describes herself as “a Ti
tle bit of beatnik, a little bit of Hollywood

the ple:
world
inon Gi

ast

ys free

nd professi

d a little bit of Hell's Angels" —which
sounds like low camp but on De
looks good. Despite an aversion to

early-morning shooting assignments, De's
handled small parts on Wagon Train
d My Three Sons, as well as highly
visible [rugons in a recent Beach Party
epic. She's hoping for more substantial
rules in the future, but meantime has no
trouble keeping occupied. De lives 100
yards from swinging Playa del Rey Beach
ind—when she isnt polishing her
Honda—can be spotted in any crowd of
surfers.

After Annazette, and the other
daytime Bu the dust Club
lunches around three, the next few hours
find the heaviest concentration of Ке
holders the firstfloor Playmate Bar—

De
serve

nies

‘ounded by those delightfully fa
endes. Dianne Danford. Jo
Matis and China Lec arc among the
Playmates who have graduated from the
home of their picture gallery lo
pressive new careers. Among the current

Playmare-Bunnies is Sharon Rogers,
L.A/s Bumper-Pool Bunny. Sharon
who was featured in four Pravmov
piciorials within 13 months, discovered
Los Angeles climate shortly after her
January 1954 centerfold nce. She

decided she'd rather
Chicago winters, although
ing twin jobs as an Assistant
Editor for praynow and as а Bunny at
the premier Playboy Club. Now, alter
roles in one film and two TV shows, she's
devoting her time ourside the Club то
horseback riding, chess—and the raisi
of а future star. Sharon's married to a
Hollywood comedy writer and. with only
a Tule urging, will produce rushes of
their young son, Brandon, being jiggled
on Jimmy Stewart's knee in scenes from
the recently released Fury at Firecreek.
In terms of gatelold appearances,
wen Wong, rravuov's Miss April 1967,
the most recent of the Hollywood
Playmate-Bunnies, Her exquisite, cl
Oriental features are recognized
wherever she goes—and she still gets a
packet of fan mail every day. “A lot of
the letters are from soldiers in Vietnam,"
she says. “I wish I could tell you how
warm their appreciation makes me fe
Gwen's fivefoot stature makes her
tiniest Bunny
friend and hutchi
only an inch till
ame in Gwen's Playm has
also provoked considerable audience
reaction; although. her auburn hair and.
electric blue-green eyes were lost in the
centerfold story's black-and-white pho-
igh attention

swi

Photo

the

tos, Marilyn attracted
to land a string of TV-commerc
Gwen and Marilyn are still
ps into the heartland of
the West—like the journey described. in
wen's Playmate story. As Gwen s
T'm romantic enough to drive 100 miles
out of my way just to see a beautiful
grove of trees" For Playmate- Bunny
Astrid Schulz (September 1064). the best
playground in the world starts a
of miles due west of the hutch.
one of the Club's several scuba
of whom are impressive in or out of a
wet suit. After underwater initiation on
the sandy ocean floor off Los Angeles,
Astrid let Bunny Irene Taylor persuade
her to explore the reefs of Catalina Is-
d. 95 miles offshore. “It’s like a yellow
jungle.” Irene says of her favorite diving
spot. "The most beautiful sipht is a
school of small fish. turning off in one
direction at once, catching the sun like
10.000 diamonds."

Astrid herself discovered L.A. after

schooling in her native Holland, where
she apion gymnast, and in
Paris, where she studied ballet. “But after
1 became а Playmate, 1 went out on some
promotions." she recounts. "and discov
ered that what I really want to do is
work in public relations. When I was in
the movies —4 House Is Not a Home.
The Art of Love, Sergeant Deadhead
Ihe Astronut!—"one of the studios
wanted to sign me to a contract, but you
lose your independence, so 1 didn't sign.
1 like contact with different people so
much that 1. can’t tie myself to a few.”
Astrid's only complaint about her new
—and now penmanent—home town
“the funny guys,” which Dutch-
American description of the long-haired
types who temporarily occupied the
Sirip en mase a year ago. The best
thing about her year at the Hollywood
hutch, Astrid sa 1 at
mosphere in the second-floor VIP Room,
where she сап converse with the room's
international clientele in all four of the
languages in which she is fluent (Dutch,
French, German and English) and even
a little of the Spanish she's now learning.
Nancy Scott, the Hollywood VIP
Room's second Playmate-Bunny. proves
how easy it is to create a private u
verse divorced from an outsider’s clichés
about Los Angeles. “Billboards, u
tractive architecture
my pet peeves,” Miss March 1964 say
bur by centering my life around the
Club and my house in the hills, I can
manage to avoid almost all of them com-
pletely. Of course. 1 have to spend а half
hour or so every day on the freeways,
but they're not bad at four in the afte
noon and two in the morning.” A med
cal technician when rravsox discovered
her, dark-blonde Nancy joined the butch
soon after her Playmate appearance and
her decision thar—sinee she w
ready 10 go on to become a docior—she
could do as much for general health in
Bunny satin as in nurse's wh
The VIP Room's Latinalfairs expert
an important role in a city that hosts
thousands of sowt-ofthe-border bus
nessmen and officials—is Colombian Hva
Tarud. Bunny Ilva is endeavoring to pa
lay her fine features and
blonde hair i
top-notch model" wl
routine of dancing classes, horseba
riding and careful attention to her grace-
ful figure. “I think the thing 1 miss most
about Barranquilla," Hva the
Colombian city she left two years ago,
is the siesta, Los Angeles is wonderful
for satisfying ambitions, but I'm still try-
ing hard to ger used to the pace.
Demure, dark-blonde Charlotte Boven
kamp, who came to L.A. from Ha
burg, divides her time between “doing
sketches of friends or of the city from

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and her

the balcony of my
VIP Room duties, among which she in-
dudes а refresher course in German for
one of her colleagues, Tami Lee. A tall.
grecucyed beauty with a 37-25-36 figure,
Tami discovered the land of Liebfraw
milch und Lieder during a full year's
1 after college m Young
and the University of Oregon. (In fact,
precisely two thirds of the Bunnies of
Hollywood have completed
more of college study—mostly in liberal
arts—a mark that holds its own among
the 16 other Jinks in the key chain.)
"Germany is beautiful." Tami says, “but
1 knew I'd settle in a large American
city. Los Angeles is perfect. I had a Wild
West childhood in Montrose, Colorado.
and here, just like back home, I can go
horseback riding and skiing throughout
the year.”

The imernational flavor of the VIP
Room spills over into the Club's third-
story Penthouse, through the second-floor
Playroom and down into the Living
Room below. Cocktail Bunny Francoise
Bouley, whose Parisian features hint at
her Gallic origins even before her accent
confirms them. left her native Le Havre
a year ago and, after returning for one
visit, has decided to make Hollywood her
home—with a veng She spends
much of her free time behind the walnut
wheel of her newly acquired Firebird, “I
love driving. as long a t"
she says, "and I'm really glad I'm in a
part of the country where I can ski on
both snow and water. I don't know if
it’s California or the whole U.S. A., but
1 love the way everything is in motion
here.

Two other living embodiments of
L. A's dedication to outdoor avocations
—Bunnies Toni Macdonald and Chere
h live within blocks of the
nyon and Chere
ance of Kathy Foster's
Long Beach digs. For a couple of months
lı school summer, Toni lived in a
bus just to be in Big Sur,

“the most beautiful place on earth." But
Malibu, with mous beach and its
rugged canyon in the foothills of the
Santa Monica mountains, runs а close
second, Toni says—a happy circumstance
for the L. A. keyholders and their guests
who decide ло take home a souvenir of
their night at the Club from the Gift Shop.
Toni usually attends, Chere shares her
beach house with “Ralphie the white rat,
Touche the turtle and Maja the dog. Т
had a skunk, too—Sweet Pea—but he
seemed to upset people, like my landlady,
so 1 had to give him to the 700." At 5 9",
with real California blonde hair and
brightblue eyes, Chere is the tallest of
a halkdozem L.A. Bunnies, including
Toni, who can best be described as the
292 kind of gil Jax’ Jack Hanson makes

PLAYROY

year or

ince

clothes for and Roger Vadim makes
movies about.

Тай, green-cyed Kelly Cochran spends
the bulk of her ofttme shuttling be
tween the ski slopes of northern C
desert

In
resort of Palm
k Morgan. “That
car is just like а baby." Kelly says. "You
have to treat it gently or it'll throw a tan
trum—or а piston." Kelly has been in
and out of Hawaii all her life but, she
says, “I've finally decided not to settle
there, despite the weather and the
beaches and the wonderful people, be-
cause you get too lazy. It’s so easy to live
on the islands that you wind up hardly
living at all” Bunny Geri Monticelli's
5/5" stature is only half an inch
over the hutch norm, but her long
legged Grecian figure and flow
hair е the sense of tallness that is
one of the Hollywood Bunnies’ uncom-
mon denominators. Also
sion, in Gers case, are the tall but true
tales (her best is about being kidnaped
in Cairo), which she remembers from
the years when she accompanied her
missionary father around the world.
Though they're natives of, respectively
New Orleans, Latvia and Inglewood,
California, the same tanned, Southern
California glow shines in Bunnies Beth
Mell. Iris Niedra and Sandy Speth.
Beth—who's table hopped at six Clubs
during her seve
shell stay in L.
riding trails and beaches on which she
spends the biggest slice of her olf
time are so near at hand and so unspoile
Tris and Sandy have also Bunny-hopped
elsewhere (Iris garnered Bunny-of-the-
Year honors at the Playboy Club of Mi
ami in 1965) and they, too, have decided
that the good life finds its most complete
expression in Southern California. Their
own completeness—a winning parlay of
beauty and b s—is as multifaceted as
the life they dead. |t comes as no sur
prise, for example, when Iris interrupts
an account of her enthusiasm for boat
ing and skiing with astute observations
on the Sunset Strip ceeny-bopper scene:
“The teenagers should have a place to
gether,” Iris says, "where they can
meet each other or just stand
around and be seen if they want to.
What happened а year ago was that the
ids were used. especially by the TV
news crews that visited the Snip on
the two riot weekends. The total prope
ty damage on the worst night was som
thing like $50, and that was done when
a newscaster suggested that a knot of
kids t rocking a bus because it would
make good footage
There are a lot of crazy things in this
city." Bunny Sandy stys, "but the people
here—at least these we sec in the Club.
independem. articulate and re.
Taxed. I think it's because it's so easy to
get away from the neon and concrete.
I've always been a beach person—my

and the

perfect day would be sunning
and then going out to Redondo Pi
smoked fish and bect—but now Fm
ng to ski, too. Sure, I'm hung up on
s, like everyone else in L. Ain fact
my brother and I have gone through two
engines in our dragster; but what's wrong
with a little speed?”

The Bunnies haven't entered racing
(сат at any of the area's tracks yet, bur
they've tried their luck at bicycle racing.
basketball and even broom ball and аге
probably the most active of the couon-
tail contingents around the world who
form athletic tcams for their own fun—

lea

nd for charity's profit. “I think the big-
says baseball-

gest thrill of my lif
play ›
35-21-85 figure and jetblack hair couldn't
be hidden in her caicher's rig, "was
when I caught a pop-up that won the
game we played against a team of
disc jockeys—in front of 35,000 people!"
Bunny Kippi Hake—who starred in a
Bunny-promotion soccer game early this
perhaps the most versatile
hutch athlete—comes to her skill natural-
ly: After high school in her home town,
da
Kippi joined the circus.
run away to the circus,”
I guess part of the reason

tally didr
she says, “bu

for joining was the same yen for adven-
ture a little boy feels. 1 was in the pro-
duction unit of the Ringling Brothers
Circus. When they lost a girl from
trapeze act, they mained me into it. It
was great fun for a couple of years, but
then T decided to swing a little less liter
ally—like here at he Club and in the
Bunny sports events" As sportswriter
k Lieberman of L.A.'s Southland
magazine wrote in а recent article titled
The Bunnies at Play: “They may not be
the world's best athletes, but there's no
denying they're in the best shape" In
another voluntary, communal effort, the
Bunnies of Los Angeles—like Bunnies
throughout the Playboy chain—put
aside part of their Bunny lettuce to sup-
port underprivileged children in coun
їтї from Greece 10 South Vietnam.
“Из a unique city,” one keyhokler
has said. "warm enough ing
enough so that the pace is relaxed. and
everyone—if he can avoid the freeways
t rush hour—has plenty of elbow room.
And new enough t be kookie and ex-
исін the worst and best senses. The
s make a terrific symbol for the
ags about their town, And, you
they're the bestlooking
ies in any of the Playboy Clubs
around the country, but 1 guess you
can't. print that." Quite the contrary.

nd spraw

good i
know, | thin

Bum

If you would like to become a Playboy
Bunny and if you meet. minimum age
requirements, please contact the Bunny
Mother at the Playboy Club nearest you.

293

PLAYBOY

294

THE LECTURE

citizen gets out his citizenship papers and
studies his own photograph, as if ying
10 convince himself that the document
not a false one.

Опе or two passengers venture to step
out of the train, but they sink up to their

knees into the snow. It docs not take
long betore they camber back into the
car, The twilight lingers for a while, then
night falls

J sce people using the weather as a
ext for striking up acquaintance.

begin to talk among themselves
and there is sudden intimacy. The men
for group. Everyone
picks up bits of information. People olfer
cach other advice. But nobody pays am
attention to me. I sit alone, а victim of
my own isolation, shyness and alienation
from the world. E begin to read a book
and this provokes hostility, for reading а
book time seems like a chal
ler n insult to the other passen-
gers. E exclude myself from society, and
all the faces say 10 me silently: You don't
и Never

have alo d a

such a

need us and we don «1 vou.

“Their romance had a tragic ending

(continued from page 184)

mind, you will still have to turn to us,
but we won't have to turn to you... .
I open my large, heavy valise, take out

the bottle of cognac and take а stealthy

sip now and then. After that, 1 lem
my face against the cold. windowps
and try to look ош. But all I see is the

reflection of the interior of the car. The
world outside seems to
peared. The solipsistic philosophy of
Bishop Berkeley has won over all the
other systems. Nothing remains but to
wail patiently until God's idea of a train
hakted in its racks by snowdrifts will
give way to God's ideas of movement
and arrival

Alas for my lecture! If I come in the
iddle of the night. there will nor even
wone waiting for me. E shall have to
look for a hotel I, at lex, 1 had a
return ticket, However, was Captain Scott,
Jost in the pokr ice fields, in a better
position alter Amundsen had discovered
the South Pole? How much would Cap
tain Scott have given to be able to sit in
a brightly lit railway cu? No, one must
not sin by complaining,

n
be

marriage.”

The cognac has made me warm
Drunken fumes rise from an empty
stomach. to the brain. I am awake and
dozing at the same time, Whole minutes
drift away. leaving only а blur. 1 hi
tak, bur 1 dowi quite know what it
means. 1 sink into blissful indifference.
For my part, the train can stand here for
three days and thice nights. I have а box
of crackers in my valise. I wil! not die of
hunger. Various themes float through my
n Something within me mutters
dreamlike words and phrases.

The diesel engine must be straining
forward. 1 a re ol dragging. knock-
ing. growling sounds, as of a moi
ox. a legendary steel bull. Most of the
passengers have gone to the bar or the
restaurant car, but Tam too lazy to get
up. | seem to have grown into the seat.
A childish obstinacy takes possession of
me: DIE show them all that 1 am not
affected by any of this commotion; I am
above the trivial happenings of the day

Everyone who pases by—frem the
rear cars to the fromt, or the other way
glances at me: and it seems to me that
cach one forms some judgment of hi
own about the sort of person I am. But
vac 1 am a Yiddish
writer late [or his lecture? This, P am
sure. occurs to no one, This is knows
only to the higher powers

1 take another sip. and another. I have
never understood the passion for drink-
but now 1 see what power there is in
alcohol. This liquid holds within itsclf
the secrets of nirvana. E no longer look at
my wrist watch. T no longer worry about
а place to sleep. 1 mock in my mind the
Jecture I had prepared. What if it is not
delivered? People will hear fewer lies! It
1 could open the window, I would throw
the manuscript out into the woods. Let
the paper and ink return to the cosmos,
o lies,

m awe

strous

docs anyone guess

ere there can be no errors and i
Atoms and molecules are guiltless: they
are a part of the divine truth. . . .

The ain arrived exactly at 1
two. No one was waiting for me
the station and was caught in a blast of
icy night wind that no coat or sweaters
could keep out. АП taxis were immedi-
ately taken, P returned to the s
prepared to spe
bench.

Suddenly 1 noticed a kime wc
a young girl looking d pointing
with their fingers. I stopped and looked
back. The lame woman leaned on two
thick, she She wes wrinkled,
disheveled, like an old woman in Poland,
but black eves suggested that she
was more sick and broken than old. Her
clothes also reminded me of Poland. She
wore a sort of sleeveless fur jacket. Her
shoes had toes and heels 1 had not scen
im years. On her shoulders she wore a
hi like one of my
mother's. 5 woman, on the

ion,

1 the night sining on a

тап and

a ome a

canc.

ged woolen shawl

other h
rather slovenly.
After a moments hesitation, 1
proached them.
The girl said:
“Are you Mr. N.
1 answered, "Yes.
The Jame woman
movement, as though 10 drop he
ind dap her hands. She imm
broke into a wailing ay so f

nd, was stylishly dressed, but

I am."
made a

sudden
canes
:diately
liar to

Father in heaven?" she san

1 recognized yout
g with the v
Its a wonder you came back. ГА never
have forgiven myself! Well, Bincle. what
still has
sense. n ошу a woman, but I
am а rabbi's daughter. and а schola
an eye for people. I took one look
thought 10 myself—iv’s he! But
days the eggs are clever an the
chickens, She says to me: "No, it can't
be." And im the meantime, you di
pear. 1 was already beginning to think,
myself; Who knows, one's no more than
human, anybody сап make a mi
But when I siw you come back, I knew
it was you. My dear man, we've been
i here since half. past seven in the
evening. We weren't alone; there was a
whole group of teachers, educator. а
few writers, too. But then it grew later
аша Later and people went home. They
have wives, children. Some have to get
up in the morning to go to work, But I
said to my daughter, "I won't go. 1 won't
allow my favorite writer, whose every
word 1 treasure as a pearl. to come here
and find no one waiting for him. If you
y child I said to her. "you can
go home and go to bed.’ What's a night's
When I was young. | used to
you miss a night's sleep. the
world will go under. But Hitler taught us
a leson. He taught us a lesson 1 won't
forget ший 1 lie with shards over my
eyes, You look at me sind you see an old
. a cipple, bur 1 did hard
Hitler's camps. | dug ditches
d loaded railway Gus. Was there any-
thing 1 d there that 1
caught my rhe ight we sle|
on plank shelves not fit for dogs, and
we were so hungry that—"

ugh time to talk lat
idle of the nigh

эс?

зоте

nowa-

Momm;

Is the
her daughter interrupted.
I was only then that T took a closer

look at the daughter. Her figure and
general appearance were those of a young
girl, but she was obviously in her late 20s,
0s. She was small, narrow,
lowish hair combed back and
ied into a bun. Her face was of a sickly
pallor, covered with freckles. She had
yellow eyes, а round forehead. а crooked
nose, thin lips and a long chin. Around
her neck she wore a mannish scarf. She
reminded me of a Hasidic boy.

or even early
with y

“.. . Right there, in that brown house. is where we lived
when my folks moved here [rom Buffalo in 1937—the
little store on the corner used to be Harry’s Tailor
Shop when I was a boy. Now. as we turn the corner, look
to your right and you'll see the Lincoln

School 1 attended until I was fourteen...”

The few words she spoke were
marked by a provincial Polish accent I
had already forgotten during my years in

America. She made me think of rye
Баай, caraway seeds, cottage cheese
and the water brought by water carriers

from the well in pails slung on à wooden
yoke over their shoulders. 1 said:

Thank you, but I have patience to
liste

“When my mother begins to tilk
about those years she can talk for a
week and а day"

“Hush, hush, your mother isn't as
«талу as you think. I's nue. our nerves
were shattered out there, It is a wonder
we are not running around stark mad in

the streets. But what about her? As you
see her, she, 100, had been in Auschwitz
waiting for the ovens. I did not even
Know she was alive. 1 was sure she was

los. and you can imagine а mother's
feelings! I thought she had gone the way
of her three brothers; but after the liber-

ation, we found cach other. What did
they want from us. the beasts? Му hus-
band was a holy man, a scribe, My son
worked hard to earn a piece of bread,
because inscribing mezuzahs doesn't
bring much of an income. My husband,
himself, fasted more often than he ate.
The glory of God rested on his face. My
sons were killed by the murderers”

Топта, will you stop or won't yor
TIL stop. ГІ stop. How much longe
will D list, anyway? Bur she is right:
First of all, my dear man. we must t
care of you. The president gave me th
name of a hotel—they made all the
reservations for you but my daughter
didn't hear what he said, and 1 forgot it.

sfori

This forgetting is my
something down and I don't
where. 1 keep looking for thin
thats how my whole

e. T pur
know

1. Ir's cold, it’s shabby. Still. it's
ter than no place at all. Td telephone
the president, but Tm afraid to wake him
up at night. He has such a temper, may he
forgive me: he keeps shouting that we
ren't civilized. So I say to him: "The Ger
pans aue civilized, go to them, . . .
"Come with us, the is duree
quarters д gher
d ıo en it
down instead of just saying it; and if he
suid it, he should have said it ıo me, not
to шу mother, She forgets everythin,
She puts on he
are my glasses?” Sometimes
laugh. Let me have your

“What are you saying? I
self, it isn't heavy
ou are not used to carrying things.
but 1 have learned out there to carry
heavy loads. Ш you would see the rocks I
wed to lift, you wouldn't believe your
eyes. 1 don’t even believe it myself am
more. Soi t was
all an evil dr

“Heaven forbid, you wi
valise. That's all I need, . .

“He is a gentleman, he is a fine
gentle man. 1 knew it at onc
Tread him for the first time.” the mother
said. "You wouldn't believe me, bur we
read your stories even in the camps. After
the War, they began to send us books,

1 have to

n cany

mes it seems to

am. .

not ca

y my

па
as soon as

and 1 came across one of your stories. 1 295

PLAYBOY

296

don't remember what it was called, but I

read it and darkness lifted off my
heart. “Binele,” 1 said—she was already
with me Шеп Гле found a treasure."

Those were my words, -
hank vou. thank vou very much.
Dou't thank inc. dowi thank me, L's
we who have to think vou, All the trou-
bles come from people being deal and
blind. They don’t sec the nest man aud
so they rere him. We are wandering
among blind evildoers... . Binele, don’t
ler this den man carry the valise..."

Yes. please give й to me!"

I had to plead with Binele to let me
ty it. She almost tried to pull it out of

hands.

We went outside and a taxi drove up.
Ti was not easy 10 ger the mother into it.
I sll cannot understand how she had
«то come ro the station. I hd to
id put her iu. In the process,
d Binele
in the snow.
umble

mana
ilt her up
she dropped one of her са
and 1 hid to look tor it
The driver had already begun to
nel scold in his Canadian French. Afte
ward. the сат begin to pitch and roll
aly Tit streets. covered with snow
[overgrown with mountains of ic
The tires bad. chains on them. but the
Taxi skidded backward several times.

We finally drove into а street that w
ıt of a small town in Pal
у. мапе, wit house:
sick woman hastily opened her
purse, bar} paid before she had rime to
ake our her money. Both women chided
me, amd the driver demanded. that
gel out as quickly as posible

s
I

wooden

1 virtually had to сапу the aripplet
woman out of the tsi. Again, we had то
look for her cane in the deep snow,
Маеги, ber daughter and 1 hall led,
half dragged her up a fight of steps.
They opened the door and Г was sudden.
ly enveloped in odos 1 had long lor
gouen: moldy potatoes. rotting onions,
Chicory and. somethi 1 could
even name. In some mysterious way, the
mother hier had managed. to
bring with them the whole atmosphere
of wretched poverty from their old home
n Poland.

They lit a kerosene lamp and E saw an
apartment with tattered wallpaper. а
ough wooden floor and spider webs in
every corner, The kerosene мохе was
out and the rooms were drafiy. On а
bench nenby sood cracked pots,
chipped plates. cups without handles. 1
even слац sight of
sweepings. No маце director. 1 thought,
could have done a better job of repro-
ducing old-coum
im 00 apologize:

besom on a pile o

such a scene of
misery. Bincle Ix

“What a mess, no? We
hurry 10 get 10 the station. we

even have time to wash the dishes.

were in such a
didn't
And

what's the good of washing or ekaning
here, anyway? Из an old, rundown
shanty. The Hndliady knows only one

thing: 10 come for the rent every month,

If vow're late one day. she’s ready to cur

your throat. Still. after everthing we
went through over there, this is a
m

Amd Binele kughed, exposi

“L suppose everything you said last night
has no meaning now.

mouthful of widely spaced teeth with
gold fillings that must have been made
when she was still acros the occar

They made my bed on a folding cor in
ı tiny room with barred windows. Binele
covered me with. Iwo blaukets and

spread. my coat on top of them. But it

жау still as cold as ouside, E lay under
all the coverings and could not warn up
Suddenly | remembered my manu

nuse

script. Where was the pi of my
lecture? I had had it in the breast pocket
of my coat, Afraid 10 sit up. lest the cot
should collapse. I tried to find it. Bur the

апаним тїрї was not there. 1 looked in my
jacket. which hung on a chair nearby
Dut it was not there either. 1 way certain

that Thad not put it into the valise. for I
had opened the valise only to get the
cognac. D had intended to open it for

the Customs ofheers, but they had. only

ved ine on not
necessi,
ft was clear 10 me that I lost the

Bur how? The mother and
daughicr bad told me that the kecuac
was postponed to the next diy, but what
would I acad? There was only one hope:
Perhaps it һай dropped on the foor
when Binele was covering me with the
coat. L felt the foor, Guelul of making a
sound. bur the cot crcaked at the slight

mamiscript

tw movement. И even seemed lo me
that it began to creak in advance, when
I only thought of moving, Inanim:ne

i are not really inanimate. . . .

The mother and daughter were cvi-
denily nor asleep. T heard a аре
a mumbling from the next room. They
were arguing al
but abou what?

The low of the manuscript, 1 thought,
Freudian accident. [was not
pleased with the essay fom the very
first, The tone I rook in it was 100 gran-
diloquent. Still, what was I to talk about
that evening? T might ger confused from
the very first semences, like that speaker
who had sid from the stages "Perez
peculiar ти: and could not unter
another word.

Hf only 1 could steep! E bad not slept
the previous night, either. When 1 have
to make a public appearance, 1
sleep Tor nights, The loss of the ma
saipr was а real catastrophe? 1 tried ro
close my eves, bur they kept opening by

шш.

^ut something quieily.

don't

themselves. Something bir me: bur as
soon as | wanted go serach, the cor
shook and screamed like а sick man in

рай.
1 lay there, silent. stiff, wideawake, A

mouse scratched somewhere in a hole.
and then 1 heard a sound, as of some
beat with saw and. бану trying t0 wiw

V mouse could
mised such noise.
g to cur down the founda-
tions of the building. . .

Vell. this adventure will be the end

through the Hoor
t have
monster

юл.
H was some

uyi

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PLAYBOY

298

I said to myself. "I won't come

of n
out of here ali
1 ly benumbed, without string a
limb. My nose was stuffed and 1 was
breathing the icy air of the room through
my mouth. My throat felt constricted. 1
һай то cough. but I did not want to di
turb the mother and daughter. А cous
might also bring down the ramshackle
cot... Well, let me imagine that 1 had
remained under Hider in wartime. Let
me get some taste of that, 400... .
ied myself somewhere in Tre-
T vd
labor all day long. Now 1 was lying on a
plank shelf. Tomorrow there would
probably be a "selection." and since I
er well, 1 would be sent to
.. 1 mentally began to say
goodbye to the few people dote to me. 1

» e dozed all. for E was encd
by loud aies. Binele was shouting:
“Momma! Momma! Momma! The

door flew open and Binele called me:
"Help me! Mother all...”
1 wamed to jump off the cot. but it col-
and instead of jump-
: “What

She is cold! Where

are d Call a doctor! Call a
doctor! Put on the light! Oh, Momma!
. . . Momma! Moni

since Т
mas to

І never carry matches with me.
do not smoke. 1 went in my ра

bedroc chick. I collidid widi
Binele, 1 asked her: “How can 1 call a
doctor:

She did not answer. bur opened the
door into the hallway and shouted,
“Help, people, help! My mother is
dead! | She cried with all her strength,

as women cry in the Jewish small towns in
Poland. but nobody responded. I tried to
look for matches, knowing in advance
t I would nor find them in this
strange house. Binele returned and we
collided again in the dark. She dung 10
me with unexpected force and wailed:
“Help! Help! ... 1 have nobody else
à the world! She was all 1 had! .. 2"
And she broke into a wild lment,
leaving me stunned aml speechless.
d a march! Light the lamp!" 1

ally cried. ош, althou 1 knew that
my words were wasted.
"Call a doctor! Call a doctor!" she

ned, undoubtedly realizing һе
elessess of her demand,

If ded, half pulled me to the bed
mother lay. 1 put out my hand.
I touched her body. 1 began. to look
for her hand, found it and tried ло feel
her pube. but there was no pulse. The
nd hung heavy aud limp. It was cold

as only a dead thing iw cold. Binde

seemed to understand what 1 was doing
and kept silent for a while.
"Well well? She's dead? . . . She's

dead! . . . She
Help me! Help me! . . .
“What can E do? 1 can't se

had a sick heart! ...

ying!

T said to her. and my words seemed to

have double meaning.
Help met... Help ше...
Momma! . . .”
“Are there no neighbors in the
1 asked.
here is a drunkard over ив...

get matches Irom

himê...

Binele did not answer. 1 suddenly be-
cime aware of kow cold I felt. 1 had to
put something on or 1 would catch pneu-
monia. I shivered and my teeth. chat
tered. 1 started out for the room where 1
had slept. but found myself in the kitch-
en. D returned and nearly threw Binele
over. She was, herself, halbnaked. Un-
wittingly, D touched her breast.

“Put somethi 1 told her, “You'll
catch a с...

“L do not want to lie! Î do not want
to live! . . . She had no right to go to
the station! . . . | begged her, but she is
so stubborn. . . . She had nothing to

cat She would not even take a glass
of rea. . . . What shall I do now?
Where shall 1 gor... Oh, Momma,
Momma! - . .

Then. suddenly, it was quiet, Binele
must have gone upstaiis to knock on the
drunkard's door. 1 remained alone with a
corpse in the dark. A long-forgotten ter-
ror possessed me. 1 bad the cerie feeling
that the dead woman was trying to ap-
proach me, to seire me with her cold
hands, to clutch at mc and drag me off
to where she was now. After all, I was
responsible for her death. The strain of
coming out 10 meet me had killed her.
ted toward the outside door. as
though ready to run out into the street. 1
stumbled on a chair and struck my knee.
Bony fingers stretched alter me. Strange
D ned ас me silently, There
was a ringing in my ears and saliva filled
my mouth as though I were about to
faint.

Strangely, instead of coming to the
outside door. I found myself back in my
room. My feet stumbled on the fattened
cor. I bem down to pick up my overcoat
and put it on. It was only then that I
realized how cold I was and how cold it
thar house. The coat was like an
ice bag against my body. 1 aembled as

was in

with ague. My teeth dicked, my legs
shook. T was ready to fight off the dead
woman, to wrestle with her in mortal
combat, I fel my heart hammering
frighteningly loud and fast. No heart
could long endure such violent knocking.
I thought that Binele would find two
corpses when she retumed, instead of
one.

V heard talk and steps and saw a light.

Binele had brought down the ирс
neighbor. She had a man's coat over her
shoulders. The neighbor carried a burn-
ing candle, He was a huge man, dark,
with thick black hair and а long nose,
He was barefoot and wore a bathrobe
over his pajamas. What struck. me most

in my panic was the enormous size of
his fect. He went to the bed with his
candle and shadows danced after him and
wavered across the dim ceilin

One glance at the woman told me that.
she was dead. Her face had altered com.
pletely. Her mouth had become strangely
thin and sunken; it was mo longer a
mouth, but a hole. The face was yellow.
rigid and claylike. Only the gray hair
looked alive. The neighbor muttered
something in French. He bent over the
woman and felt her forehead. He uttered
a single word and Binele began to
scream amd w ain. He tried to speak
to her, to tell her something else, but she
evidently did not understand. his lan
guage. He shrugged his shoulders, gave
me the candle and started back. My
hand trembled s9 uncontrollably та the
small Mame tossed in all directions and
most went out. I let some tallow drip
on the wardrobe and set the candle in it.
Binele began to tear her nd let out
such a wild lament that I cried angrily
her
“Stop screaming!”

She gave me a sidelon
hate and astonishment,
quietly and. sensibl

"She was all 1 h

“I know, I understand...
screaming won't help...

My words appeared 10 have restored
her to her senses. She stood silently by
the bed, looking down at her mothe
stood оп the opposite side. 1 clearly 1
membered that the woman had had a
short nose; now it had grown long and
hooked, as though death had made mani-
fest a hereditary wait that had been hid-
den during her lifetime. Her forehead.
and eyebrows had acquired a n
and masculine quality. Binele’s sorrow
seemed for a while to have given way to
stupor. She stared, wideeyed, as if she
did not recognize her own mother.

I glanced at the window. How long
could a night last, even a winter night?
Would the sun never rise? Could this be
the moment of that cosmic catastrophe
that David Hume had envisaged as a
theoretical possibility? But the panes
were just beginning to turn gray. 1 went
10 the window and wiped the n
ne. The night outside was alre:
apled with blurs of daylight. The
of the street were becoming
ишу visible; piles of snow, small
houses, roofs. A street lamp elinuncred
in the distance, but it cast no light. I
raised my eyes to the sky. One half was
still full of stars; the other was already
flushed with morning, For а [ew sec
nds, I seemed to have forgotten all that
had happened and gave myself up е
tirely to the birth of the new day. 1 siw
the stirs go out one by one. Streaks of
red and rose and yellow stretched across
the sky, as in a child's. painting.

“Whit shall 1 do now? What shall I

cc. full of
answered.

ind

id in the world. . .
But

"I was going to put
him in his place—but
he found it all by himself.”

Don Lew

PLAYBOY

300

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do vow?” Binele began to ay again.
“Whom shall 1 call? Where shall T go?
Call а doctor! Call а doctor!" And she
broke into sobs,

I turned to her,

“What can a doctor do now?"

“But someone should be called.

“You have no relatives?

“None. Гуе no опе the world.”

‘What about the members of your
lecture dub?”

They don't live in d
hood... ."

I went to my room and began to

dres. My clothes were icy. Му suit.
which had been pressed. before my jour-
ney, was crumpled. My shoes looked like
shapen clodhoppers. 1 caught sight of
y face in a mirror, and it shocked me
It was hollow.
with stubble. Ошма
fall again
What can 1 do for you
Fm a sranger here. I
know where to go.”
Woe is me! What am I doi
You are the victim of our mislortunc. I
shall go out and telephone. the police,
hut E cannot leave my mother alone.
П stay here.”

"You will? She loved you. . . . She
ever stopped talking about you. . . .
AIL day yesterday.

1 amd kept my
eyes away from the dead. woman, Binele
dressed. herself, Ordinarily. 1 would be
afraid to remain alone with a corpse. But
I was hall frozen, half asleep. 1 was
eshausted alter the miserable night. A

hbor-

s nei

i down on.

deep despair came. over It was a
Jong, long time since I had seen such
wretchedies amd so much tragedy. My

years in Americi seemed to have been
swept away by that one night and I was
taken back. as though by magic. 10 my

worst days in Poland, to the bitterest c
sis of my life. I heard the outside door

dese. Binele was gone. Т could по longer
remain sitting in the room with the dead
woman. [ nm out to the kitchen I

opened the door leading to the stairs. T
stood by the open door as though ready
to escape as soon as tlie corpse began to
do those tricks that T had. dreaded
childhood 1 said to myself that it

foolish to be afraid of this gentle
this eripple who had loved me
alive and who surely did not hate
now. if the dead felt anything, But
I the bo s were back. upon
me. My ribs felt chilled, as if some ісу
fingers moved over them. My heart
thumped and fluttered like the spring in
а broken Jok. . . . Everything within
me was strained. The slightest rustle and
1 would have dashed down the stairs in
terror, The door to the street downstairs
had glas panes, but they were half
frosted over, half misty. А pile glow
filtered through chem as at dusk. An.
cold came from below. Suddenly I heard
steps. The corpse? E wanted to run. but I

realized that the steps came from. the
upper Moor 1 saw someone coming down,
Ji was the upstairs neighbor on h
to work, а huge man in rubber boors and
a coat with a kind of cowl. a metal lunch
bos in his hands. He glanced at me
curiously and began to speak to me in
Canadian French. It was good to be with
another human being for ment 1

ж:

nodded, genued with my hands and
answered him in English, He ied again
and as; му something. in his infa
5 though he believed
ened more carefully. 1 would
finally understand him. In the eid, he
mumbled something and threw up his
arms. He we out l sl «d ihe
door. Now 1 was all alone in the whole
house

What if Bincle should not return? E
began to toy with the fantasy that she
might run away. Perhaps Fd be suspect-
ed of murder? Everything was posible
in this world. 1 sood with my сусу fixed
on the outside door. 1 wanted only one
g how —to return as quickly as possi-
ble to New York My home. my job
seemed totally remote and insubstantial,
like memories of a previous incarnation.
Who knows? Perhaps my whole life in
New York had been no more than a hak
lucination? | began то search in my
breast pocket... Did I lose my citizen
ship papers. together with the text of my
lecture? 1 felt a still paper. Ph
izenship papers are here. 1 «
have lost them, too. This document was
now testimony that my years in America
had not be :

Here is m
ture. Here is the Gove
True, these were also inanimate. without
life, but they symbolized order, a sense
of belonging, law. 1 stood in the doo:
and, for the first time, really read
the paper diat made me a citizen of the
United States. I became so alnorbed
L had almost forgotten the dead
Then the outside door opened
and 1 saw Binele, covered with snow
She wore the same shawl that her mother
had worn yesterday.
cannot find а telephone?

She broke out crying. I went down to
meet her, slipping the citizenship papers
back into my pocket, Life had sermed.
The long nightmare was aver. J put my
ams around Binele and she did not try

And my sign
ment stamp.

way

to break away. I became wet from the
melting snow, We stood there midway
up the stairs and rocked back. a ad forth
а lost Yiddish writer of
Hitler and of my I saw

number тапооей above her wrist and

heard. myself saying:

чїй
r by the soul of your mother, .
^s body became limp in my
arms. She raised her eyes and whispered:

Why did she do it? She just waited
for your comi

bandon yor

DANCE WITH A STRANGER

(continued from page 210)

dreamily, in the semicircle of Allen's
folded legs.

Beautiful, Oh, baby. Fm beautiful,
nd so are you, and so is your baby, il
you give him half a chance."

Im not beautiful. You goddamned
beautiful people! Leo, has he given some
g to mein Kind.

1 said I didn't think so. Mic for
some reason. had accelerated. his rocking
and begun giggling

“He hus. He obviously has. Allen. ГЇЇ
have you incarcerated. | swear. This is

worse than statutory rape, Vowll get a
refresher course in police brutality for
this, Tinn ors has sone i00 far.
You've m natant апе first
of the tcenyweeny-boppers. ГЇ expose
you in True Confessions, you perverted
junkie "wv uROTHFRAN-TAW MLEW MY
BABY's MIND.”

Шеп was convulsed with laughter.
They really like cach other terrifically. In
the kitchen. Jessica sloshed boiling water
to some cups on a tray. “STP? Coll

“This is the bugged martini olive, and Miss Kranepool,
here, is our sophisticated delivery system.”

1 don't do colle,” Allen said. sud-
ly quiet ag; "m doing grains
He'd been on a macrobiotic dict
few months
How's about

liule brown rice
poppy petals’ on sisal to до?” Jessica
asked, bringing in the пау with nvo
cups. "You know why you're not insane?

vated her

p a Little more of this riff. 1 am refused quickly exa
mock gasp.
ou didnt hear оп mw accident?

asp

nee to the asylum."
applauded this ve

fication of

use this state recognizes only two
legitimate symptoms of. insanity, А. loss
B, nausea. You're just a punk
L You couldn't get into а лоо
any faster than you could i
Princeton."

“Gaining admittance 10 a men
tution would be primarily a matier of
show," Allen said, his voice ringing with
professorial pomposiy. Jessica reached
over and took off his pinkiinted. sun-
glasses. She tried them on.

“La vie en rose,”

she simpered, “A lit
te cubell do ya.” They liked 10 play
with cach other this way.
tive corroboration, however,
would be quite possible without
ng actual admittance.” Allen went on.
"For example. 1 present myself a
He stood up, still holding М
аши first one way and. thu uie
other, had a Tile dialog with himself in
diferent voices

“I wish ited as a lunati

“On what grounds, fellaz

mean you're cra
you think so? You cat OK?

"Nauscated," interrupted Jessica.
Uneducited. car, "1 understand. my-

self to be insane through extensive in-

trospection;"

“You sot symptoms or what?"

‘L should think my own conviction

y would be sullicient After we

of insa

She was, of couse, joined
big clapper, who was
more or less slung over Allen's shoulder.

“But sanity has not yet won out on the
а second. doctor.
pherally observed ihis inter
view, approaches the very Kild
has turned. me from the
What was t

“Oh, nothing. Just some crazy

Allen. plopped down a
lotus position on the floor, set. Michacl
cowboy style on his shoulde
the pipe, toked and passed it to Jes
"This is very

" he said. "Zoom
AIL of a sud-
den. he seemed to notice the pink

ghly pussy shades. Like to get me a

At first we thought he wi
“They're yours,” Jessic

brightened.
ly they're mine

“They're mine. Cert

“Why don't you
little soup?
Allen stood. ир

ke off your coat,

shirt was torn off at both sleeves
were Covi

crossed. scabs
Jessica gasped, then

"Bout two months back?” Allen asked.
ming like a matron about to exhibit
her surgical scar. “'S why they call me
olar talm—bird in space? First Em peel
ing around this corner at seventy on my
Harley and next Fm just flying through
the air at sixty. 1 look up and my bike is
flying through the air, t00, maybe а yard
hove me. Penified! Yisgadahl vih Vis
hadash. Death, thou comest when 1 had
thee least in mind! I must tly forty feet
belore T hit the ground, twenty

digging
hurt, you know what 1 me
untouchable, 1 got Gardol. My own i
sible protective shield! So it’s just a dy
ис wip. And, like, Fm still going
учиме when 1 hit the highway shout
mastic, barreling over

and through some gres and
woods, tumbling, hitting on every con
ceivable part of my bod, plowing ov
bushes and trees] cur a path like a
1 I stop. And, cou
just up. Nothing broken. My
clothes are ripped to shreds, I'm covered
with blood, but Tim loose. And I walk
back to my bike, embedded in the dirt
"bout ten yards back, and my bike isn't
hurt. They couldn't hurt my bike! So 1
sit me down on this rock and light up a
joint and pass ош. And w
it's dark and hı
Then the telephone
d Allen jumped а
were wired up to ıl

at here to the narcos. T'm not here to

пу fuzz, in fact, including my probation
officer, or to any blood relatives or any
blood friends.

Pulling grass like a smokestack, Jessie
went into the bedroom to answer, amd
after а few seconds, we heard her say,
jor bere, We haven't seen him for

PLAYBOY

“Flipped ош!” Allen whispered. He'd
Jessica came back into the
big 100m. still draggi ishly on the
pipe. She can't get high without making
fun of herself, Actually. she doesn't
prove

“Ws the

researcher.” she
ihe phone
Is my brother
t along too well.
He thinks she’s a Maoist. I went into the
bed & through a lot of color
changes. Ti was prey powerful stult.

motivational

ne toward
she

Leo. P hope to hell I didn't wake

you,” Geoflrey said. His voice was gur
gling. “Did Û wake you or anything:
1 told wed been up with the
iby. My voice was кш)
Geollrey “Жы. ту
nephew
I asked him whether he realized it
in the morning.
Listen, I never would've

buzzed you. Leo
up till now w
make i

irs just that Гуе hec
this report: I've gor 10
i presentation 10-
t been around,

“Who's that?

The [Л Geollrey said. "Baby Face
He always refers to. Alen with
mes of infamous desperadocs, He

һе;

g ino
‘Youll 1
choiceless in tl
pucha. Now. v think hes n
from the cops. don't ger worried. h
just be coming over to say goodbye. be-
cause he’s got this idea hes to
vanish forever into the jungle or some-
place. Believe me, E wish to hell I could
have sat him down Гог a good talk. when
he was here tonight—you know. Dutch
uncle—hut. Wve been tied in. knots over
this report, and J could scc right off we
were gening nowhere last. He called me
a aborigine! 1 n
supported that. kid—

He called you a wha

“An aborigine. A spiritual
no less Yerre still wander
eaves with a bone in y
10 me. Which is preity typical, wh
practically supported him for about, .

Th was not so much boredom: rude.
simple intoxicec's. desire for
sterco channels that cused me intermit-
tently to hold the phone at arm's length
Geoltlrey lectured on, so drat his voice
302 became barely prelingual, like an insects

п. I've practically

nes as a

buzzing drone, and the conversation. of
my wife and. brother, in the next room.
swung into the acoustical foreground.

remember " Шу that if 1
could catch. 60. percent of both conver
tions, Fd take m а ioral of 120 percent.
my high to bener advantage. 1

reasoning idiot

thing about commitment.
On the home front. inevitably. Jessic
passed ош of her psychodelicbanter
phase and into her earnest-rdical phase

such was the historic ришти of her
imtercomse with Mlen—and I could hear
her exhorting him 1 straighten out his
head (by which she meant purging his
blood stream of noxious chemicals) and
turn his atiention to What Is Important
in the World. W to
Jesici, is the deep sickness of America,

js import

the vulgarity and corruption of her
leaders, the evil of her intern ad
ventures, the psychic poverty. of her

middle das, the more palpable: priva
tions of her bereft,

There were pauses, of course, but Al
Jen’s responses were indistinct. or at least
1 coull make diem once 1
thought 1 beard him tell her she was “on
adynamite nip.” But then 1 was proc

cupied wih my telephone responsibility.
00.

From timc

time, Posrunted. ac
v ime ghe Geoflrey
was outlining lor me precisely what
ve to our brother wh
ave noth

receiver,

vice Û must s
showed up: he

10 ow Чин.
as far as Allen was concerned, 1 pos
sessed enom | pitifully un
sound. judynent, Through my other car.
1 dend mmes, in josios voie
Sehiverner and Chaney and. Goodman.
Jimmy Lee Jackson. Mis... йил. Med
gar Evers. Reverend Reed, Meredith.
the President, Oswald. Malcolm: Oswald.

310,000.00

Vexas tower

on television in front ol
people, Whitman from the
the beauty-parler. boy who made his vie
tims lic on the Hoor in the shape of a star
before he finished them with his sawed oll
fer her catalog of pub
hte, Ч the names ol cities:
Natchey, New Осан, Cleveland, Par-
Jon. Detroit: а list of towns she thought
might burn all next sum 1 police

wore dn with submachine w
out riots as they start... .

“You know he ойе me LSD onc
Geoiley asked, “and marijuana twice?
165 like the Гох who lad his tail chopped
oll! Because wl he be in u
years but in the gutter? 1 gave him
icke horitative!—on drug dan
as. ОК. some may not be addictive
right there, bui hey vet yon up for the
hard Would real i? He
Laughed and he Bed me! Because D
work. Dear my living, 1 a
few personal comforts
don't know anything. I ¢
And all he has to de. Leo. forger about
the heroin, is 1 don't
Gare how good a lawyer we hire. . . 7

ere can

sull he

hat us I
art have a soul.

1 picked up vare

Jessica was talking about Mississippi
in the summer of 1964, more quiedy
(ches of her ser-
were
two

now, so T heard only stia
mon.

mmer bel
al. hough, and Vd spent
himarish. weeks with her in voter reg
istration. so T had my own associations.
They were just more distant, more
My wife would have bec
to stick with the Party after
after the Stalin purges

Te was the st

pre we

dreamy 10 me
the sott

niet Peace Pact of 1939.
God. she has stuck wih Moses and
Foreman. then Carmichael. now Brow

еей humiliations and re
long afer omer Movement
friends have pulled out. disenchanted. 10
sow their indignant passior we re
coptive fields. Sometimes her blick pow
er. or her Lynd power, or her Ho power
sound ло me like a st mutation of
Antiod power. But har certainty. never
fails 10 set some chord vibrating within
me. nor does Allen's certainty. Тог that
matter, nor ev
10 rone Chrom
great hollow casket. 1 make no music of
then, but become a vacant echo
which the moral auth
reverberate in exponential,
ice.

throughs

jections.

ше

of my
ear-rending dissa
“Work is lile”

сате Geollrey's. voice.
that. Life is strugule.
He curt be a hackolf delinque
snilling aiapkine glue forever. Not in ў
Dnresponsibilis is м

Probably Allen doesn’t disagree with

"Even Marx said

Jessica's apocalyptic vision. of America.
Probably T don't, Geoffrey: Geoffrey who
rew ing to the radio. viding the

Third Avenue H t a show at the Rosy.
dancing, check ло check—he would have
no prescience of die. cou ick

slow,

fall: bur perhaps even Geoffrey sensed
some vague on the periphery of
his corporate consciousness
I was very high. T was having "in-
We were all working, then: Jes-
ineffcewally. 10 combat ber vision
Т. mindlessly. to record it: Allen, reckless-
ly. t0 transcend it Geolliev. stoically. 10
deny il. But Lam our only bystander. ou

sidewalk picndent: pathetic, so-
lutionless. Jessica has her good fight. her
futile righteousness. And my
brothers have their own diver-
sions, their respective pursuits of obliv-
ion: the older. through triumph on a sorry
banlefield: the younger. through sator
in the forest. D watch, and criticize.
“Why ae you so chicken to trip c
[heard myself ask in an арла Шу playfu
voice. Geollrey was patient; he i
me. "Why think Tm
phone here with practically
dock Fm nor in the crusaderarabbit
business. racial or We work.
cight good how
while the sun shines, and the answer is.
frankly. T Im deeply con-
cerned: you'd stop f
worrying about humanity and

supe

noble.

d
the

do vou on

five

you

otherwise

nine five in my Tine

concerned
ШЕП

“Most unusual robbery I can remember.”

303

PLAYBOY

304

in the streets and give а second's thought
10 your own family, you'd sce that that

boy is just winding up to throw his life
away like it was а greasy resin bag he

picked up from behind the mound.
Around comes the big right arm and in
comes the pitch and Allen's whole mar
ket value is going. going, gone. Into the
leltfield bleachers, And. that's what will
as the cliché goes, be-
you know damn well that / curt
nd Mike can't talk to h
Wt even look at him after
the A & P business, and you are the only
one who can have a five-minute conver-
sation with that kid and not stat losing
hair. But let me tell you something
Leo. you are playing behind ihe left
fielder. Your bowels may be in a real
uproar because some peasant gets naped
or a boogie takes a couple knocks from

be on your hea
аце
talk to him,

‹ор—'
I asked Geoffrey wha ir was thar Al-
len told him that wrought him up.
ко,
"Oh, yeah, right" Geoffrey said.

“Right right right. Fm telling him go
back to school get that degree, what's
the point of saying goodbye ло me for?
And he asks me if Em happy. This is the
ay he changes the subject, Leo. This
isn't if yet or anything, it's just an exi
ple of how his mind works You k
what will happen if h
narcotics. Leo? You w
it in the papers?

1 way dizzy. I could hear Jessica gig
gling in the next room and 1 knew she
had passed our of her earnestradical
into her giddy-tarned-on phase,

ow
gels caught with

nt to read about

So 1 had ro explain ıo him 1 was
talking about his future, because without
that diploma today, youre а dead man,
Lco. vou know it as well as 1 do. And he
ks me am T happy. Well, very patiently
—1 talk to him like he was а baby; oth
erwise. vou can't get through—I expla
to him that one is not simply "happy like
that. but = groundwork, you
lay the foundation, and so on. And ihe
trouble. w happiness is it has no

you

“Jones, you're fired!"

foundation, of course, he's just floating:
on air and the fist good breeze

“Are vou happy or are
asked.

"Happy. shmappy, pappy. whappy.
what's the matter with you?" Geoffrey
answered, “Ive got a stinking job, right?

You said so yourself. I figure ош what
makes morons buy breakfast. gook. right?

1 have insomnia very bad, right? Ёш. I
lave a gorgeous apartnent—you've been
up here, havent ad tw
ove grand per ani ree ye

will be twenty-seven, but don't spr
that around, T would be one ol
chest bachelors in the city if it were
for the alimony. practically. OK, I'm not
а Creative. person like you. The point is,
Leo, il you want to talk happiness, l'm in

position ао get bappy—find the right

gill, be able ro support her, kids—and
Allen is in a position to get nothing but a
swift kick in the ass from society. and

that is exactly —
“What was it he said when you told

him you weren't happy?" I asked. In the
nest room, Michael squealed with glee
"Oh, yeah, Get thi: Goollrey м

whispering for emphasis. “ ‘Suppose, he
says to me, ‘suppose 1 disappear into the
woods and grow hair all over my body.
And suppose in thirty years we meet
again some old rainy day —1these are his
exact Leo—aud suppose 1 still
feel ccstasy and you still feel the way
you feel. What would you do then?

words,

I asked. “What would you do

"So ask me if D stopped bi my
wife, Il tell you Em divorced!” Geollrey
yelled. “The question is preposterau

and if you'd eng; I— Far cry
out loud. Leo, its sick, Us a sick ques-
tion without foothold in the world of

ge bra

reality, because in three years the wi
he’s дөй. nor thirty years, due, |
going to be right in the ash can with

every junkie. with every pave. . . 7 I
hdd the phone away from my car.
Geolhey was hollering. Geollrey. wi
are you holler H wake up the
whole castle. .

Mostly out of restlessness,
the bedroom door open just a с
ту foot, Allen's Ii i
tons of Jessica's

He wa
and don

1 pushed
ack, with
ide the bur-
nightgown, on her
kissing her on the mouth,

When he finished, he
nguidly on the pipe, handed it to

"d wa

breast

soft.
toked

her and kissed Michael the sme w

7.2 7M you had any sense,’ he says
to mc. “if vou had any courage, you'd
give away what va «d follow me!

Docs it fir in?
that pussy

Arc you getti

With thar With

tir?
beard? 1 have to spell it out for you?

1 didn't
“Why play dummy?" Geoffrey ха

"Не wants me to give away my belon

ad follow him? Be his disciple?”

І was "s voice

ill silent. Then Geoffrey's
became suddenly tired and fraternal

“Listen, I know irs late, buddy. T didn't
mean to get all hot under the sweat shirt
You know, І would've had a good talk
with the kid myself. if 1 hadn't of had

this damn report to blindfold for the
firing squad. tomorrow.”
Ah. Fri probably blowing up a ten

pest in a demitasse, anyway. Odds on he
won't even show tonight" Geoffrey
Liughed. for no r "So. listen. let's
have lunch, why don't we? Sometime
this week? Expense account" Then he
hung up and T returned to the big roon

Qu'esce qu'il теш, votre cher

pin?” Jessica asked me. She was lyin
on her back. Anyone could have told
shed been smoking. She gets zonked on
one joint. Michael was sitting on Allen's
lop. quiet and grinning. They were all
way ahead of me.

“He said we ought to have lundi.”

"Lunch. Tha's too beautiful. That's
where they love,” Allen wheezed, Tiugh-
ing so hard he made no noise. He was
really stoned. “The lunch bag.

“What's so funny?” I asked. “You don't
do lunch?” Jessica was laughing, 100.

Allen just rocked back and forth со:
vulsively. “Maybe you'd like io share
your little joke with the rest of the class,

1 said. Michael was clapping his hands
so fast the eats ran together.

Yeah, we know that sound. We know
thar sound. Do опе hand for us," Allen

moaned through his laughte
Vhere ae you a” Û asked, [ccling
mfortable with the argot. Jessica was
swaying her torso from the waist
guid circles, Everybody was act
Where are you af?” 1 asked again.
"Em in the happy village.”

unc

“Where?
“The Happy Villag
1 said I didn't know where that w

Allen bolted upright, his eyes Hashing,
and brushed the hair from his face. “It's
re done for you to make

love you" he said.
ow dig it. There's this

vendant, recreational
. free dove, civil liberties, ev
. man. What you do there is ball,
explore caves. discover litle animals,
* puppet dancing. always
. all you do ds
as nothing to do
ме. And. you're
Big ones, ski
v ones, old, young, But This is
called the Happy Village 's where I
п. Now, the world is two scenes. Out.
le ah ally ev
alive pulling on this rope—in
¢ of them getting tra
ant gang of Vi
a huge tug of war, except the other
side is hooked onto the sun or something
—the center of the universe! And these
guys are holding the planet up in orbit.
They're being whirled around ih
and having a bitch of a time, but they

where things
you feel good, 1
“Both of you. 2
village: beautiful,

shows

dancng—1 mea
play. And the f
with hunger

just with
freely

yone
BO,

center

“My wife's name is Helen. She has brown eyes and
blonde hair and she'll be driving a blue Volkswagen

know that if they let go. then the world

goes hurtling off imo space and there's
no more gravity. So that’s the big gig in
the world. pulling on this rope. I mean,
like. it’s the onfy gig. So all the ume,
these guys are aheave beckoning ın the
kids on the border pastures of the vil

we, dig? Come on, this cat says, what
do you think you're doing gamboling on
the a when if we don't get some
help here pretty fast the whole world
gonna fly off imo space? So a lot of the
kids. when they go in for the evening
hootenanny or whatever, start thinking to
themselves, what am 1 doing just playing
all the time instead of becoming а Volga
boarman or something? They start th
ng а man has to be а man, So most of
them sooner or later say goodbye to the
village and pack up their trinkets in an
old kit bag and they cross the border
and get on the rope line. Pulling. In fact,
that’s how everybody got tugging on
there in the first place. Once everybody
lived in the village. Almost everybody.
But a few guys, here's the gritty, a few
ids. I mean, stay in the village. To play.
Then after a while. they dic. The gu
on the line die, too. Everybody d
the village cits, they go happy
good night, man, all tan and
"Lunch. Très important. Pu
long-lost buddyroos, Brothers. Diner—
rien.” Jessica interrupted, as though time
had been standing still for her since I'd

ness,

got off the phone

"Megaron grass" commented Allen,
nodding,

1 decided Vd better get her to bed.
1 lifted under her armpits and half
dragged her toward the bedroom, both

of us moving backward. 1 w

n't any too

Yow, when I get to West port,

how will 1 know your wije?

steady myself, but T felt like a husband.
USNCC kids." she was mumbling.
jCC kids and your pot. And your pot
and your porno. Blowin’ weed and mak-
im dt with Black Bele dinges. Flip-
ippi ping, ing.
cnd-gypping, burning, burning. . -
g. even Michael.

into the bedroom, she
sood up by herself. though the
change of air had brought her down. She

put her arms around my neck. "Can you
save him, Leo?” she whispered. "He's so
lovely апа љо bollixed."

“You're eight miles up,” 1 said.

“Tm straight. Don't let him drop out.
He can help us take over. There
much ro be done. You're right, Fm
linle high.

She closed her eyes standing up
flapped onto the bed. 1 went back into
the big room, where Allen was fishing in
e with Michael in his arms. Allen
s humming Mr. Tambourine Man in
Michaels car and Michael was gently
slapping Allen's face off rhythm. [stare
ed to tell Allen not то get him keyed up

or he'd never fall k asleep. when Al-

len said, "Don't get him all keyed up:
һе never fall back аскер.” and dis-
solved un im noiseless Lushter. Per-

haps 1 only imagined that his lau!
was very dose то tears and that some-
how they were for me.
“Let's just dance for а
said. "The Alle 1 Tea Dance.”
I told h el like dan
"Couldn't we at least hold hands?

asked. "You're my own brother.
1 carried. Michael over to his crib and
laid him in it. 1 was sure he'd cry, but he

faked me out. night-night to Uncle

305

called. very softly, from
"Remember. the star
the manger.”

Allen.
across th
that went over

Allen
тооп

ug qo come in through
curtains, Allen
morc, bur T

Light was st
our
suggested we smoke
Г enough was Tm usually
good for a line Tike that. Mlen suid he
guessed he ought to say goodbye тө our
father and chen sec about picking up
some plane tickets before he gave away
the vest of his mones. He hadn't exact

imirziion bamboo:
some

PLAYBOY

decided. where he w ш: probably
Mexico by way of San. Francisco, Mike
takes ihe bus in from White Meadow
Lake very carly in the morning (he meets
muck deliveries before rush-hour traffic
rts) and Allen said he might as well
hop a subway up to the warehouse and

wait for him there, 1 said I might as well
walk him over to Astor Place. and we
went ош. He was crying about a kilo

n a brown-paper bag. just swing
it by his side as we walked. I was
barely daylight and vou could still sce
the moon. Allen siid it was a lozenge in
the thioat of God. We approached a cop
eon the corner of Second. Avenue and St
Marks Place, 1 was very nervous. Alen
t him

5" he said to me.

“Listen.” 1 sid. after we had passed
the cop. “I hate 10 come on with а big-
brother act. but shot "usc a

litle more caution. with your record. and
everything? You're wot pushing any манї.
ane you?

No. Of course nor. No pushing” He
laughed. "Maybe a Hide dealing. - . -

What's the difference

“Well, i's a question of attitude, most-

Jy. I me
Cats re
Т know

a. P just share what Û score and
puncrate.” He stopped smil-
: it’s ridiculous. Leo. Three
quarters of the time 1 dont even realize
Tm dealing, Hrs ridiculous."

“What would vou do if
picked. up?

реу never take me alive.” he an
swered without. emotion. Не was. com-
pletely serious. He spent a lew weeks in
jail. when he was still ste and had

you were

some bad. experiences.
“That doesit sare. you, though?
1 don't think about anymore.” He

put his arm around my shoulder and we
walked like that for а ways. “You don't
remember how 1 was. Leo 1 was fright-
П the time. I woke up trembl
in bed for hours. afraid to get up.

ened
га

School, busts, girls, accidents, I don't
know what, E think that's why 1 got my-
жи uouble—just so the disaster
would happen and 1 лоша have 10

keep waiting for My whole life
seemed so fragile; so dear and so fragile.
Like P was sanding on a precipice be
fore the lile furnace of my energy and
mount wind could лаш it ou, E

gatelul prayers when I crossed a

306 sy

street without getting һи by a cm, T
would have thought the Buddha was out

10 set me: | would have pulled a shiv on

him. 1 invemed pirmais Especially
with peopic.

“L was so long. Leo—so long afraid
people were ou to hurt me, thar Û was
Slippery. and puring you on, all of vou,
and acting like 1 didit cire. But even
then, feeling so danm hated. noth

seemed too atual. real mez T wis pretty
teni

ve. while the real physical world
led by. like a dream 1 wasn't enjoy
ing, Always wishing, wishi d
were back somewhere. back somewhere
Fd been and gamboled on some green
couldn't remember. You sec Tw
v shielding myself. Lea. to keep from
g hut, Until on my third trip—Fm
nor sure exactly how it happened
four n this cabin,
duskish, and had built a fire in ihe mid
dle of the floor: and as it got colder, we
er the f er until it

wish

drew ne
seemed we were planets in orbit round
the sun. the sums gravity drawing us to a
comer. A fiery destruction. Oh. it was so
welul Howi cenrerwand like that
imo the heat. no clor or plan. Then all
of a sudden Mario. this guy. wrenchiny
hinwell like steel tearing out of a magn
screaming backward. toward a plate. win
dow and through it, suddenly so happy
in delirium—to have broken out. of the
we had to drag him olf
the shattered glass where he was dime
ing. Bur before D helped drag him off.
Leo, I had to dance a minute with him
there. do vou sce what 1 mean? Both our
barefeet blood mixing just a little on the
Hom? Vd never even met him before. but
he was sending me this engraved invita
tion from the Lordi, Wisdom. danced
before the Lord.’ Jesus. Dancing is the
Hip side of ear. Then we
off the glass. Or maybe ili
both off the plis... Wh
docs it make? My head exploded.

T realized that no one. no ane, no one

nea

orbit, 1 guess

was wanting to hurt me. Because no one
gave а shit about me, Leo, Do vou sec
how beautiful that was? Like God in a
golden jewelly chariot, that the universe
didn’t give а shit about me. That Tw

safe. Like a ton of uptight bricks lifted
olf my shoulders. Understanding Ше.
baby. lile didn't cave at all who was lis

ing her. That E was nothing
10 hurt nothing? No thing.
dance

We walked the last iwo blocks to As-
tor Place without saying anything. It was
very саму, I can't remember passing any
body, except a bum cuted up in
doorway, The New York Times wrapped
around. his body, We stood together on
the square above the subway
for à and then Allen
down the steps

“When will I see you a;

“Maybe neve Maybe
become the Occidental Kurosaw;

entrance

minme started

in?" | called.
whei

you've
nd

las won her revolution. vet
Geollrey is still chairman of the beard
And Mike has been reborn imo the
shoulder of a gazelle, and | retur, Maher
aba Allen, with mudh hair and many
followers in the Way ol the Tao” H
laughed and ran back up the stairs a
scd me on the mouth.

What of Michaclz^ E asked.

OF Michael we cumot say. Michael
will be the New Youth. He will be the
New Youtliquake

Jessica

Т grabbed his sleeve as he started
down the steps А subway rum-
bled imo the ton, shaking the
ground, "Please just quit dealing, will

you. Aller

He si down 10 cith
the train. Then 1 went home and took oll
all my dothes and got into bed. next to
Jessica. Dim my hand over her skin and
gbi how amazi
wile lived inside. It
linde after six in the n

ied and

Tt was not yet nine when. Jessica woke

me. As ds my wont alter turning on
Га been aric, lighrshow
They advertise pot as

nes but irs a die

“Mike's on rhe phone.” she sal 1
йг heard. the ringing. D suppose Fd
в iı. though. “I old him you'd been
wp for ages. but wlully. vehene
Was 1 horrible list night

hes

"You were funny at the end. You were
really funny. 7
“He subverts me. His gentle ralk and

his wicked weed. Why doesn't he dump
the Howerchildren Gap and do
thing with his life?"

1 pulled myself up in bed and reached
for the phone. Jessict still had her hand

disped over the receiver. “1 wanted. to

some:

tell you that T kissed h
“OR,
“We were all kissing cach ош

Him and me and Michael 1
“Sounds nice
The police beat up Jimmy McKew
Just night" she said. pinchi
girl called. from ihe
claimed he bit a cop.
about bail and a doctor
old Negro who liked io I
We had а vestpocker play
found in the summer and Jiminy Field
to mind it istribute leaflets, He was
retired. Jessica dropped the pl
hed and 1 the door

1 was sure my father would wi
know what took me so long, but i
he semel right in.

"Tell me what to do.”

“Would you mind a Jot talking
this Mike? I didn't get to
Sleep till about two and а ВАН hours ago

and"

Ме BOL to sce
Jimmy was an
1р around the

project

Tater

fternoon.

the morning he Homs
zombi to say goodbye forever

Not even а message for his mother. Tell

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PLAYBOY

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me what I should do, ГП do it.”

“You just have no idea how tired I am.
Why don't we have a Iate lunch or some
thing? I don't have to be on the project
until three, but E have to pick up some
film at Willoughby's, anyway, so"

"Leo, he's not even supposed to leave
the state of New Jersey! 1 should just
wish him good luck and goort zelangeh
yoo

Alter a bit of bargaining, we compro-
last. Compromise was my
father's word. It meant that 1 dress my

self immediately and соте uptown to
talk. His concession was a five-block
walk cast, to the Automat on 31st and
Broadway, When I arrived. Mike was
already finishing an early lunch—it
looked like chopped steak (1 remem

bered him warning me about Horn &
Hardart hamburger steak all the
leftover garbage they throw into it, and
pork. Take my word. it's worth the ex

pennies for the chopped. . . "уана
was preparing t move on to a lemon-
meringue pie and tea. Mike's iu the

buying-in-lors-atauctions-or-bankruptey-
sales and -trading-"merchandisc" -under-
the-counter-to-retailers business. He's
become quite wealthy at it—he and
my mother go to Europe or Israel every
summer, and he's probably planted a
hundred forests of Palestinian saplings—
bur he still tells everyone he's "in the
junk business" and he never cats any-
where but the Automat. He says he likes
the food. 1 got a cup of coffee from the
chine and sat down next to him.
Mike said, “No protein?” Then we sat
silent for a few minutes while he sipped
his pale yellow tea and picked at his pic.
He was composing his thoughts, though
perhaps they weren't so much thoughts
as the mental equivalent of moaning. Не
Joves us all so deeply and so helplessly.
“How's Jessica? How's the baby?
Fine." He'll reler ло Michael only as
“the baby." He didn’t want me to name
son after him. After а while, he be
“Every two minutes with him its
‘love’! Is that a laugh? Does he know the
ng of the word love? Does he un-
nd the mitzvah? How can he live
with such hatred boiling in his kishkes?
He hates school. He hates New Jersey
He hates his сошшу. He hates the
United States. He thinks the President
should be impeached. Does he know he
hates me and wants to kill m
Mike had bad a litle analysis a few
years back. It was the thing then, I said
I thought Allen һай seemed
der, more at peace than he'd seemed in a
long time bur maybe | wasn't too in
touch with the situation. A fat man, on
his way out, bumped into the back of my
chair and excused himself. My father was
fidgeting.
“AL peace with what? You know, for a
while, T thought be was really straight
ening out. I thought he would get a job.

more ten

ad of brain
ny amount of

1 must have rocks inst
said to him this morning.
; any college he

money to go to coll

wants, I don't care how much. You
know. if I could go to college, this min-
ute, Td pick up everything and ge

Everything, So I offered him to come
into my business, а growing concer, for
two hundred dollars a week: he wouldn't
need college. He laughed. More than I
made in а season when 1 was his age. It
all a joke to him. He thinks a person
doesn't need. money. to live

I said that Allen seemed to be getting
along financially.

“Let hi

Mike said. "He's dead
t offer him a nickel.”
t Allen was strug

to find himself and immediately felt like
an idiot, I was grateful when my Father
let the comment pass. Perhaps he didn't

hear me. There wa

behind his eyes.
How about you, Leo?” he said, shift

ng gears. “I need someone smart in the

business. All T got there is goyishe kups.
І need a manager.”
Wed been “through this before. I

shook my head and repressed an impulse
to squeeze his arm, which was lying limp:
ly on the table just a few inches away

You want to make movies?” he de
minded. "Go ло Hollywood!”

I nodded stupidly. Then Mike sof
tened ара

“Anything you tell me to do, Leo. You
understand “the complexities. Anything
in my power. How сап 1 Tose him? He
has many good qualities.” I thought my
father was about to cry. "I get down on
my knees to you, Leo. Only we can save
him. Who else?

I told him | didn't know that there
anything we could do. T didn't know
what wa Dut that we must just

hope for everything 10 work out. 1 didn't
[ecl too honest saying that; things practi-
cally never work om

Almost imperceptibly, Mike y
himself together. He withdrew а folded
piece of paper from his pocket, um
folded it slowly, smoothing out the cen
ter acase—he dus a ¢
Mair—and handed it
me with just a Ti

lled

tain dramatic
cross the table 10
le flourish of satisfied
regret. Dt was about a third of a print
ed pare with ripped edges. A sloppy red
Magic Marker cirde was drawn around
several. semences,

“Read

€ said. "You lyze for

For an odd instant, T couldn't quite
place the passage: then, of course, 1 could.
“A bov” 1 said, "watching his lite

g around on a carronsel. That's
all.” An echo from another age; a book
Id g Allen for Hanukkah, almost
a decade ago. He'd never mentioned it
I hadn't even known he'd read it

‘He tore it out of a book! Does he
own books? Be a critic for me. This is
his father, his fa

sister poi

his message 10 ewell

ssage, he couldn't take the trouble to
write. Read it out loud, it was so apropos
to tear out of a library book

Т read the part Allen һай circled:
“AIL the kids kept trying to grab for ihe
gold ring, and so was old Phoebe, and Т
wits sort of afraid. she'd fall olf the god
damn horse, but 1 didn't say anything ог
do anything. The thing with kids is, if
they want t grab for the gold ring, you
ave to let them do it, and not say any-
thing. If they [all off, they Fall off. but
it's bud if vou say anything to them.”

“So?” my father said.

“L just think he means not to worry
about him. That he loves you and
doesn't want you to won

"He wants me to abdicate? 1 abdi-
cate!” Mike said, with false resignation,
Then he reached his hand over the table,
brushing the remains of his merin
nd grabbed hold of my wrist. “1 know
there are things in you guys—forces—I
don't understand. Listen, you don't ev
nd them all yourself, Leo, none

Mike was just warming up. but I
spoke, anyway. "I was wrong. It doesn't
mean he doesn’t want vou to worry.”

He looked mildly startled at my inter.
ruption—the way 1 remembered him
looking when a conductor woke him on
the commuter train. "Excuse me a sec
ond." he said. "I have to take a glass of

ater.” While Mike was gone, Т tore up
the half-squeezed lemon that lay on his
saucer and put the seeds in my mouth.
alized that à woman А
next table was staring at me.
T stared back at her: you might sty I
glowered. 1 don't know why. First she
smiled, then she stopped smiling, thi
she got up and walked away, then she
returned 10 her table—very briskly
without icing over toward me—
iched up her purse and left. Then my
ther came back with his water.

1 was thirsty,” he said.

You can 1 said. "He just
its you to shut up."
Mike shook his head

n a kind of

dumb, def
“мо,

Alle y that. I'm
Mike. I » hes

"Look. Pop. Fm trying 10 reach ош for
what I wan the gold ring—
1 for me and
nt me to be careful. But you've got to
let me find out for myself, even il I get
- 2" E broke ой, suddenly

my own earnestness. Mike
s done.
he said. "I'm stopping him?

cet him break his neck. Gold r

A Negro waitress im a white uniform
awing our dishes off the table.
ing cart
and wiped olf the table, using her hand
ich the crumbs. As she moved off,
Mike leaned sadly across the table and
spoke t0 me in a low voice.

"When I was his age, it was the

aklin Roosevelt was the

Depressi
President T

"And whe
Eiscnhower
тирей, almost shouting.
sica and I were his

Geoffrey was his age,
“1 imer
nd when ]
Kei

was the Presidem

edy

age and Lyndon Johnson is the Presi-
dem! And it's all diferent now, don't
you see? Irs different every

“Leo, I wa
this, you shouldn't won

to my place u

w to tell you
He comes up
morning—he couldn't
take а shave—it's my place of bu
Leo—he couldn't take а Лайси
while Fm pleading, this colored fell
got working for me comes in, а moving
man Allen never saw before. And sud-
denly, from the blue, bli
one arm around his waist and gr
the other hand, the schvarize, humm
nd trying to make like
ith him. Jilterbugging!
He looked imploringly into my eyes, as
though | must surely see how hopeless it
was to expect that such a boy might

someday make his way in the wor

We sat silent for a few moment
father poking with his fork at the rem
of his meringue. Finally, he
sharply. “It’s like you're strangers," he
said. We both stood up.

Mike went through the revolving door
ahead of me and ran our to the curb to
hail à passing taxi, As 1 reached ahead to
open the door t his own
age. stepped in front of him and mum-
bled a request for a handout. My father
shook his head and. as he brushed by
into the bled. I wasn't sure for
whom he uembled—for Allen or for
himself but as he slammed his door, I
had a sudden urge to invite him to step

out again into the sunlight: 10 ask him if
he cared to join me and the wino in a

Tittle dance. 1 repressed it, of course.
Socked and sleepy as T was, I knew that
all three of us had left the Happy Village
too long ago for dancing amd that even
now our hands were slipping on the rope
that holds the world in orbit.

“Опе man favors the creation of a permanent United
Nations peace-keeping force directly responsible to the
Secretariat, whereas the other feels that such matters

ought to be left, for the time being, at least, to the

discretion of the Security Council.”

JUAN FELDMAN

миз. rELDMAN: Juan, don't be such a
lazy. Show your brothers and sisters a
little example. Get up, do some exercises,

PLAYBOY

brush. vour teeth.

juas: Cool that. baby. I'm hung this
morning,

миз. FELDMAN: Oh, Juan.

JUAN: And T don't need all this noise
Who turned on those kids?

Mis. FELDMAN e jus hungry.
Juan.

JUAN (sitting wp, starling 10 dress):
Why don't they eat each other?

MRS. FELDMAN: Juan, you shouldn't
talk like that. This is a decent family.

We're rising above ourselves, little by
Jule, cach d

UA. You got something
to dı

миз. FEI uan, we want respect

from the community, and сап we have
that if my oldest son has eye openers in
the morning?

JUAN (now up, getting into his shirt)
You know. baby, you've got too many
k

миз. PELDMA: Ab. maybe D should
have gone to the dinic for instruction,
but an old dog you're not teaching new
wicks. But we arc a little overcrowded.
JUAN (picking up one of the crying
babies): Î can help thar
He goes ta an ope
throws the baby out,
миз. FELDMAN: Juan! It takes а long
ne making one of those
Juan: He was yway
SAMMY FELDMAN: Gee, Mom, Juan
won't throw any of the rest of us out,
will he?
MRS, FELDMAN: And will
neighbors think, seeing babies bi
thrown out of the Feldman window?

sindow and

the

what

JUAN (now dressed and heading for the
ighborheod. color.
not

door): |t gives the r

MRS. FELDMAN: You're
kiss your mother goodby

qvas (makes a distasteful face, then
turns round and. gestures MS. FELDMAN
to him): OK. Come on.

мих, FELDMAN walks to JUAN. smiling
maternally, her cheek extended, JUAN
grabs her and kisses her passionately on
the mouth.

мих, probas (pulling back): Juas!
Your mother you shouldn't be kissing
that way

going to

JUAN: Why not? We're going steady,
baby.

JUAN gues out the door.

FIRST FELDMAN cni»: Does Juan be-

have that way because we're underprivi-

Jeged. Mumm

MRS, FELDMAN: I's the neighborhood.

He's really a good boy. but the neigh-

borhood is just not letting him grow.

nsOLVE TO: Exterior. Stoop of the
Feldman tenement. Day.

А young cit, extremely pregnant, is

ao leaning against the steps. JUAN comes

(continued from page 150)

out the door, trots down the stoop and
pats her extended stomach as he goes by.

JUAN: Still carrying that thing around?

He moves on down the strect. The
camera holds on a cLose-ve of the GIRL
as she looks admiringly after him.

GIRL: Juan Feldman, you're a free
spirit. l'm proud to have your bastard in
my belly.

GUT TO: LONG SHOT, GIRL'S point of
wew, of JUAN as he waves to her with-
out looking back.

сит ro: Exterior. Street corner, Day.
Traffic is busy and theres a crowd at the
curb. A BLAND MAN with cane is next fo
JUAN as the light changes.

JUAN: Let me help you across, ш:

BLIND MAN: [ can't believe it. I didn't
think there was a soul left in the neigh-
borhood who'd take pity оп an Irish-
American veteran,

JUAN. leads the MIND MAN out into
the center of the street.

BLIND MAN: You must be Juan Feld-
man. Am I right?
right.

Ah, 1 knew it. The pride
of the neighborhood.

JUAN (topping in the middle of the
street): OR, this is as [ar as you go.

BLIND МАМ: But we didnt take the
necessary number of steps. We're still in
idle of the street.

QUAN (letting go and walking of) as
the traffic starts): Don't worry, man. No
one's going lo тип over an Tr
American veteran.

Cars begin passing Uy. The wino
MAN starts to laugh.

шахы Max: ГШ say t
humor, Juan
the пе

You've got a
Feldman, And
borhood neci

sense of
thats

what

The camer pulls away sharply, blurs,
and there is the screech of brakes and
the sound of collision
Interior. Tenement hallwa
Day. Humming a little rock 'п' roll, JUAN
comes down the corridor and knocks on
опе of the doors. It opens a crack and a
little ald aby peeps out.
rbv: Why. Ju ant L
kes, it's nice you're paying me a visit.
JUAN: ГИ give you a visit up the side
of your head. Open the door,

tavy (opening the door and letting
JUAN in): How you do так, Juan Feld-
sy litte thing.

cur то: Interior. Lady's room. Day. It
is cluttered with furniture. Оту a little
light filters through the window. In the
center of the тоот, a large cage holds a
small. canary.

Juan (rolling up his sleeve): OK, fairy
‚ you know what Pm here for.
Now, Juan, you haven't paid me
for the last time.

jUAN: Like, I need this! I didn't steer
any action your way, did 17

CUT ro:

Feld mi

man, You're

LADY (getting out and preparing a
syringe from her knitting basket): You're

an enterprising young man, Juan, No
doubt bout But, as the heathen
Chinee say, “No tickee. no fixee.”

geas: Don't give me а hard time, man.

1 can see you gor the stull right there

LADY: But this isn’t for you.

She gets up and goes to the canary
cage, reaches in with one hand and
brings out the bird.

LADY: This is for Yellow Win

JUAN: А lousy canary you're going
10 turn on?

Lapy: She's been very good, haven't
vou. Yellow Wings? Leamed to whistle
God Bless America in four days. And
she's going to get a little jolt as a reward.

JUAN Gehipping out a switchblade
wife): No canary gets a fix before Juan.
Feldman

LADY: Now, Juan. don't get uppity.
You know | like doing things for you
boys in the neighborhood. Cook

edo

kes or a fix any timc. But I
live, too.

She gets the needle in, the canary
starts whistling "God. Bless America?

LADY: Isn't she sweet? Can't see why
folks make so much of parakeets.

juan sends the knife into her back
She lets the bird loose. juas grabs the
syringe and runs.

тару: Oh, Juan. Oh, my Juan. You
shouldn't have done that. Oh, mercy me.
You young folks are just so wild today

She goes to the window and leans out.
сык! of her face.

kapv: Help. Juan Feldman's just about
done me in. The little whippersmapper
stabbed me in the back. (Chuckles) But

that youngster's got a lot of gumption, ^n
if he jest gits a chance to use it right,
hell be a damned fine citizen.

She comes back into
gers, drops to her knees

гару: Sing God Bless America, Yellow
Wings. your Hule old granny
bleeds to death,

the room, ча,

before

cur To: Exterior, CLOSE-UP of POLICE-
мах, Day, He blows his whistle

сит To: Exterior. LONG энот of JUAN
on street. Day. He's running through
crowd.

cur To: Exterior. Chase scene, streets.
Day. The тоїсємАх pursues JUAN up

several crowded streets and finally cor-
ners him in an alley.

POLICEMAN (дип drawn): Oh, young
man, where you sunning? Do ye
have а goal or is it just wild energy tha
сап be channeled into useful. currents
of society?

JUAN (drawing а gun):

He shoots the POLICEMAN.

POLICEMAN (twitching): Oh, и
naughty. young mar

JUAN fires four more times. The POLICE
MAN twitches with each discharge.

POLICEMAN: Oh! All right, rage a
society, il you want to. Аһ! 1 love the

s my ass.

ughty,

“You can't beat Chrisimas in the country.”

311

PLAYBOY

312

“Look, kid, you don believe in me and I don't believe
in you, but neither of us can afford to buck the system.”

our eyes Hash. Oh! God, you're an
existential beauty, young man. Society has
to salvage people like you if it wants a
little spice in things. (He is hit again with
а bullet) Oh! T think that one caught
something, Ibur, bel me, |
understand.

JUAN suddenly stops shooting, looks at
the gun in disgust and throws il to the
ground.

JUAN

I'm bored, man, Take me.
erior. Front of courthouse.

ighis groups picketing
Signs are being carried, inscribed with
ILICE ARE BRUTAL PEDERASIS; IF IT HAD
N А ROCKEFELLER THAT A WINE
WOMAN, WOULD THERE mew ANY
TRIAL; FIRST DREYFUS, THEN OSCAR WILDE,
NOW JUAN FELDMAN: JUAN FEL
A GOOD NFIGHHORIOOD BOY!
cur то: Interior, Courtroom. Day.
терсе: Will the defend:
yeas, flanked by
approaches the bench.
Junck: Juan, 1 hope you understand
that the jury had no choi
you guilty; and I, as a judg
sentence you.
There are multerings of dissent in the
courtroam.
үрк: I know, considering the rat
bites your lawyer showed on von, that
it seems harsh; but it's the law, old

are

AVE

hioned and bigoted as it is, th
me do this. (He is almost oying)

juan: Don't blow your cool. Judge. 1
understand.

Junge: Thank you for that, Juan, TH
sleep better at night now, Aud so will
my wile. who has a little Spanish blood
in her herself. AIL right. then, Juan Feld
man, it is the duty of this court to sen

t makes

tence you to six months of stringent
meditation and sell-analysis at the Boi

den Relozm and Country Day School.
here ave boos from the courtroom
Shouts of“: Juan Feldman”
“Hanging Judge.” ele. JUSS is led out of
the courtroom.

cut 10: Exterior. Front of courthouse.
Day. Cheers [rom the. pichels as JUAN ds
led outside. Group of Indians dances by
wilh sign WITE MAN'S LAW NO GOOD.
JUAN Graves do group. The anesting
POLICEMAN pushes his way through the
crowd to JUAN.

voLicesAx: Young man, 1 hope you'll
understand what T did was for your own
good.
JUAN (patting him on his heady: 1 dig,
W
Roar from the crowd as ус
POLICEMEN, gels inio a

x, led ùy
two waiting
Rolls.

DISSOLVE To: Exterior. Reform school.
Day. CLOSE-UP of sign, BORDEN REFORM
AND COUNTRY рлу SCHOOL The camera

pulls back and revenls MRS. FELDMAN
and her cu ng through а
high iron fence into the school. There is
а rolling expanse of lawn behind the
fence; in the distance, a large, white
manse.
IST FELDMAN ennir: 1 sty, Mummy,
n has become very
hasn't he?

MIS, FELDMAN: Now my little J
belonging to the world.

EN peek

SAMMY FELDMAN? D wonder if they've
changed him, Mom,
MRS. FELDMAN: Whatever they do to

him, hell always be a good bey—the
pride of the neighborhood.

JEDIOM SHOT of JUAN. He is sitting
on the porch of the manse, dressed in a
blue blazer, gray slacks, while sport shirt
and blue ascot. He still wears his dark
glasses. A GUARD brings him a dunk on a
iray.

cuar: Here you arc, J
JUAN: What took you so lo
GUARD: Most of the boys like vodka in

their lemonades, It took me а while to

find tequila, the way you like it.
JUAN (sipping): Ir's re
cuand: Thank you, Juan. It
happy to scc you light up with ple:

You've had a hard life, and you deserve
Temonades with brown sugar if you want
ther

I've learned а lot, I t
it takes to make it the ri

* now.

He takes out cigarette and cigarette
holder. Lights up, pushes back his dark
glasses,

Juas: Now. wh
lawn?

cur To: A shot of 50 young ladies in
wedding veils and dresses, singing a Te
Deum laudamus, approaching JUA

Guan: Thars a little surprise we've
been saving for you. Each one of the
guards here chipped in a sister or two foi
you to deflower and. maniy. We want to
see you хеше down in the world, Juan.

vas: Hey, baby
10 support all them ofay br

GUARD: Juan! Those are enl
girls, They each
week secretarial skills, hope for а berte
world Juan Feldman finally at
penc

JUAN: And they're going to under
stind ту little. moods?

guara: There are four psycholoy
grees in the fist row.

JUAN (standing and toasting
with his lemonade)
seule down.

GUARD: The future is yours and the
past asks pardon for irs mistakes.

Jean: E just might forgive the whole
damned world, 1 just might do that,
baby.

JUAN walks аш to meet his brides as
the camera pulls back and we FADE OUT.

s that coming up
di

how

n 1 supposed
1?

have ninety-dolla

and

y de-

the girls
Then I'm ready to

PLUMS AND PRUNES
(continued from page HS)

They dass, very warmly, She finally
draws hack slightly

охла (leasingly): Mustn't muss.

kp (ofr, masterful insinuation): You
know. sometimes E think you're psychic.

. (Caresses her) That happens to be
exactly what I feel like doing.

DONNA (CLOSE-UP, momentarily yield.
ing, cloved-eyed): Hmm. - - - (Sighs, be-
gins to withdraw, whisper) Debbie will
he home any minute. (Gives him a se-
ductive wink) Why don't you make us
both паті

тиль (або sighs, somewhat theatrical-
dy): Right. (Shakes his head good-natured-
ly as he turns do drink preparations)
A chikLcentered home! Who would've
thought it could ever happen to us?

оххх (happily): Thank goodness she
didn’t hear you say thal! She's а young
lady now, darling. (In mock confidence,
as she squeezes his shoulder) She told
me so herself

mav, busily engaged in martini prepa-
ration, chuckles in bemusement at the
notion.

DONNA
we do д
ling

urab (in mischievous sex threat as he
hands her her drinky: You can count on
that.

DONNA

nice

(adds,
€ our mor

seductively): Besides,
миз, don't we, dar

(flushes, pleased, simis to
withdraw toward kitchen): 1 won't be
long, darling. I just have 10 speak to
Sarah about the Thursday dinner.

She leaves. wav looks after her mo
mentarily, then turns back to pour his
own drunk, соокка» of a smug, virile
smile on his face.

FADE OUT AND IN;

A few minutes later.

вкл» is sitting in an Eames chair, coat
olf, tie loosened slightly, reading The

New Yorker and sipping his martini. He
is sill looking as youthful and dapper as
hefore—black knit tie, tailored shirt, etc.
The door opens and in comes DMME.

int is 16 and is cule as а button—
pert derrière and pert brcasts—all. fresh-

nesi and innocence, Shes wearing а
pleated skirt, white sweater with school
letter “F” (or “C") on it, saddle shoes

aud bobby socks, and carrying a small
notebook and a couple of texts.
penne: Hi, Daddy. (Crosses 10 him,
hisses his forehead)
mae: Hello. cutie.
spirit?
тешик. (sighs, sitting down on the arm
of his chair): Oh, its awful, Daddy.
мане broke his ank
wrap: Mulic? Which one is he?
тилик (desparringly): The fullback!
Gosh, if it had only been someone else!
(Gets up)
тиль (laughs): Preferably someone on
the other (cam. 1 suppose.
Demie (laughs, 100):
(Kisses him agam)

How's the team

Oh. Daddy!

nna (gives her behind a fatherly pat):
You go and ger ready for d

pisme (crosmg room): Tonights the
club. dance. Daddy—remember? (Looks
at her watch) Good grief, Tommy's pick
ing me up in twenty minutes! I've got to

shower and everything! (A1 the door)
Remind Mummy ГИ be eating сш, will
you, Daddy? (Rushes though other
door)

BRAD shakes his head in bemusement,
gels up. goes to the bar, pours another
drink from the mixer. vossa comes in
from the kitchen.

poxxa (sigh of relief): Well,
much is donc. (Brightly) Did I hear Deb
coming in?

srap (mixing another batch, chuckles):
Hmm, Not for long, though—she's gor
io change and everything—whatever
that may me

DONNA (smiling):

It means that she's a
young lady. darling. and that she's goi
lo the club dance.
nran: Where's your glas? Ready for
another?
DONNA
vest for

Not just now, dear. I think TH
bir before dinner—it’s such a
trial getting things straight with S,

BRAD (with mischievous insinuation):
Say, vou know 7 wouldn't mind a little
rest myself... before dinner.

DONNA (smiles, flushed and pleased,
starts out): Oh, do say hello to Tommy
for me. darling—and tell Debbie to be

have herself, (Hesitates, adds coquettish
ly) Perhaps you'll . . . wake me with a
kis. as they say.

sran (in a charmingly masculine sex
threat): Y might just do that.

They exchange meaningful looks and
DONNA leaves. ERAD'S eyes follow her as
before; his point of view, her handsome
ely as she goes up the stairs. then
CLOSE-UP of his smugly virile smile as he
turns back to his drink and adds a bit of
fresh ta his glass, He crosses the room
toward his chair. The telephone vin
He gels il.

wrap: Hella. (Glances toward. зк
room) Yes, who's calling? Oh, hello.
Tommy, how are you? Sorry 10 hear

about
dors

Майс доси"! look too good.
(Pause, chuckles) Yes. tha's the
spirit. . . . Hold on a minute, Tommy.
ГИ call her, (Covers phone, calls) Deb-
bie! Deborah! Telephone!

We hear a distant response, indistinct
but vaguely affirmative in tone. BRAD
shrugs, speaks into the phone again:

вил: She'll be right with you, Tommy

(Chuckles) E think.

He puts down phone, picks
drink and crosses to his chair, sits down,
picks up The New Yorker His
point of view. veume comes in, picks up
phone. (The phone is about 25 fect
away from where nean is silting, so that
her remarks are indistinct, have а purr-
ing, sensuous quality. and her move-
ments ате coordinated with the sounds.)
She is wearing panties and bra, and as

up his

again

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313

PLAYBOY

314

she talks, she absently fingers them,
smoothing the side of the panties, idly
toying wilh the edges, waistband, check-
ing the bra straps, etc., as though she is
subliminally being undressed. These
movements and gestures should have an
extremely sensual and erotic. quality,
though performed quite absenily and
reflexively. She is barefoot and occa-
sionally raises one leg and draws her toes
slowly up and down the back of her calf
and knee, This is all shown from BRAD'S
point of view, though the cLosc-vrs give
it an effect of intercut, and her remarks
on the crose suors are clearly audible to
the audience, though presumably. indis-
tincl to вкл». Their efject, however, is by
no means lost on him.

pessi: Hello? Hello, Tommy. . . .
Yes, I'm almost ready. . . - Uh-huh, I
bet you would. (Laughs shyly) Tommy,
don't be silly. . . . Yes, I'm listening.
... Where? Indian Lake? You mean
айе? (Shakes her head) Uhuh. . . .
Sure, that's what you said last time. too
—remember? And the time before that.
(Pause) Tommy, you promised then, too!
„<I couldn't, anyway—it would make
too late geuing home. (Pause, looks

interested) They are? Kathy and Jean?
(Hesitates) Well . . . wan 1
(Covers phone, turns)

of the kids are going up to Ind
for a cookout after the dance, It would
only make it about an hour later getting
in. Would it be OK?

As she turns, BRAD lowers his eyes,
then yaies them at her voice. There is an
almost imperceptible pain in his look of
nonchalance.

nav (slightly strained): Sure, don't see
why not. (Takes a sip of his drink)

Dessie: Gash, Daddy, thats swell.
(Back to phone) I's OK! (Softer) But
remember what you said, Tommy. (Pause,
doubtfully) Uh-huh, I'll bet... . Yes, in

about in minus. OK, bye now.
(Hangs up, crosses to Daddy)
nrw (leans over to kiss him):

point

"Thanks а lot, Daddy—you're a darli

When she leans over, we get (h
of view) а nice Cl -UP of her well-
defined young cleavage, enticingly marked
at the edge of the bia by a tiny crossed
ribbon, almost, it might seem, in
invitation.

Bran (as though absorbed in his maga-
zine): Sure, kitten, sure,

DEBBIE (turning away): Gosh, I've got
10 hurry!

She crosses the тоот again and BRAD
raises his eyes, following the provocative
twitch of her pert титр as it recedes in
the distance. Camera moves slowly
straight. into his troubled eyes, through
them to black. Camera pulls quickly
back on a knock at Ihe door, wan rises,
walks slowly toward the door; CLOSE-UP
of a slight Qe appearing on his vight jaw.
He opens the door on томму—17 or 18,
leaning insolently on the casing, hands in
pockets, a matchstick dangling from the

corner of his mouth, his head cocked to
one side. His appearance and demeanor
are a mixture of the ultimate in sneaki-
ness and arrogance. He surveys BRAD
with amused contempt, finally speaks—
in a revolting nasal whine of indifference.

1omMY: How ‘bout it, Pops? That
chickie got her pants on yet

mRAD slowly, wordlessly beckons him
inside. Tommy shrugs, as if to say,
“What a kook!” then sauniers in. BRAD
carefully closes the door, faces Tommy
—who is now standing about five feet in
front of the door, standing slouched, а
repulsive sexually demented leer on his
face. вклю casually sets himself, then de-
livers the most powerful right haymaker
in the history of the cinema—a blow
with an effect mare like those of Pop-
eye than of Duke Wayne. This should
be so stated that it is shattermg even to
the audience—a blow oj such force that
when TOMMY hits the floor five fect be-
hind him. he seems to be a couple ol fect
off the ground (volume should be up
heavily both on the sound of the blow
and on his slamming against the door). It
is obviously a mortal. blow, obviously a
blow that crushed. every bone in his
head. He goes sacklike to the floor, out
of frame. During the entire living-room
sequence, he remains ош of frame. BRAD
moves with а sense of great gency,
crouches over him and throttles him
powerfully. His expression is not one of
anger but uf u stange nameless urgency.
Near at hand is the edge of the fireplace,
with a wrought-iron stand holding poker,
tongs, сіс. Having choked the life out
oj him, вкл rises, draws the poker from
the stand and smashes it with incredible
force against his adversary (OFF SCENE),
then he picks up the entire sland, raises
it on high and slams il down with tre-

mendous power. He looks about the
room, an expression of extreme urgency;
his eye falls on the crossbow on the wall;

he walks quickly, takes it from the wall,
remaves safely clasp as he returns,
stands directly above the body (OFF SIDE)
and shoots; then, without hesitation. he
holds the crossbow like a club and splin-
ters it їп a blow of fantastic power
against the adversary (OFF swe) He
turns, croses the room to a side table,
opens the drawer and takes out a 45 an-
tomatic (or At maynum—the bigger
the better), turns up the phonograph,
walks back, working the action of the
gun and slamming a shell into the cham-
ber, picks up a cushion from the daven-
port on the way, cups it over the gun
and, standing directly above the body,
empties the clip. This should be done
with full-lead blanks, so that the recoil
of each shot is tremendous, jerking his
up. realistically conveying the
of the weapon and the outlandish
excess of BRAD'S efforts at destruction.
When the hammer clicks on an empty
chamber, eav stands momentarily gazing

hand
power

down, as though the job may be finished;
then he realizes it isn’t, He bends
over and starts dragging his adversary
loward the kitchen. Here we merely
glimpse the form (LONG or MEDIUM
SHOT of томмү).

cur To: Interior. Kitchen. A large,
modern kitchen, very clean. BRAD has
gotten the body into the sink. He presses
down on it; then he reaches over, flicks
the garbagedisposal unit into operation;
it comes on with a loud grating sound
and вклю raises himself on tiptoes, pres:
ing down with both hands. His expres-
sion is one of earnest urgency and high
purpose, no trace of mania or anything
negative.

сит To: Same. Motor is off; BRAD bends
down, opens cabinet door beneath sink;
there is the familiar tiap receptacle; he
stares al it momentartly, then reaches in
and wrenches it off in a powerful mo.
tion; he stands holding it, looking around
the kitchen, then walks quickly back
toward the living тоот.

cut To: Interior. Living room. sean
comes striding in, with the receptacle
under one arm, places it on the floor,
goes to closet, lakes out a heavy oblong
cardboard container, tears it open, draws
ош а 16-pound sledge hammer. He raises
the sledge on high and begins to smash
the receptacle, tremendous blow after
blow. ctoseur of his face, guililess,
earnest resolve and heroic effort.

Wasering visove and MATCH SOUND
fo Gur BACK TO beginning, where BRAD
was on his way to the door. Sound oj
knocking synchronized to sound of sledge
blows, which grow rapid toward the end
as we discover that this killing sequence
has all taken place in an instant in
BRAD'S mind.

BRAD now is still on his way to the
door, opens й on TOMMY. It is the same
томмү, except that his manner is ex-
tremely normal.

томму: Hello, Mi. Jeflery.

eran (unsteadily): ^ Good evening,
Tommy. |. . I think Deb i

At that minute, pews appears, hurry-
ing across the living тоот.

Derme (brightly): Who says girls aren't
ready on time! (Gives Daddy a peck)
idy!

So long, Mr. Jeffery.

They go down the steps, vesme tak-
ing томмуз hand. BRAD stares after
them; vesute's flouncing skirt and. pert
derrière. He slowly closes door, face still
away from camera. DONNA calls down
from upstairs, seductively.

DONNA (OFF sve): Brad .. . darling. ...

map slowly turns. CLOSE-UP o] his face
has transfigured into that of an 85-year
old man. He moves slowly.

BRAD (looking vaguely in DONNA'S di-
rection, speaks in a voice. ancient. with
age): Yes. darling . .. Im

FADE ош.
BJ

0007, < I'VE GIVEN UP
E INTERNATIONAL ESPIONAGE,
212! JAMES ANNIE, MY PET. THE FIELDS
12: JAMES TOO CROWDED! SOLO! HELM!
BOMB! WHAT FUNTI BLAISE f. TOO MUCH
= IMPETITION. TOO итти
ARE you 00 OPPORTUNITY FOR ADVANCEMENT!)
ING HERE, -HAD NO CHOICE BUT ТО
JIMZIE? GET INTO THIS WORK.
YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW
A FEW POSITIONS ARE
Ж ADVERTISED IN THE
(m TIMES UNDER "S"
BY HARVEY KURTZMAN ANO WILL ELDER 3 FOR SECRET AGENTS
мадызы Н Ад " f 4 WITH CRUEL MOUTHS
IR TALE 15 TOLD AGAINST A BACKDROP OF DEATH- 4 ANU LICENSES
DEALING DEVICES OF EVERY SIZE ANDCALIBIR! |E To KILL.
IT'S THE TOY MANUFACTURERS’ CONVENTION ! OUR y Ae
DOUGHTY DARLING IS WORKING AS A DEMONSTRATION
MODEL OF SORTS FOR THE DINKYWINKY TOY COMPANY.
WE OPEN IN A PLUSH, PRIVATE SHOWROOM WITH TOY
TYCOON J. P. DINKYWINKY, MODEL ANNIE FANNY AND
ANOTHER RATHER FAMILIAR-LOOKING FELLOW, WHO
HAS BEEN HIRED BY THE COMPANY AS A SPECIAL
SECURITY AGENT ESPECIALLY FOR THE OCCASION
GREAT GOLDEINGERS! CAN IT BE? “+ YES, IT 15 —

PLL BE HERE Є
UNVEILING OUR LINE OF
SOME SPEC- TOY WEAPONS. ITEM CERTAIN TO
Û T«CULAR NEW APPEAL TO ANY

Quite
THEY SHOULD MAKE IS NAMED THE A DEADLY-
DINKYWINKY THE “BLASTER 8”! BELIEVE DISINTEGRATION И LOOKING
TALK OF THE IT's ACTUALLY fyn] OF AN ENTIRE NEIGH- ARSENAL,
( R.

WOUSTRYAND || EIGHT WEAPONS BORHOOD, GIVING / NK.
QUK COMPE TIIUKS AN ONE EIGHT THE ILLUSION OF THE DINKYWINKY.
WOULD GIVE DIFFERENT WAYS (COMPLETE ANNIHILATION
ANYTHING ТО FOR A TOT TO [ШШШ OF EVERY LIVING
GET A LOOK АТ PRETEND HES Ш Щ THING WITHIN A
THEM AHEAO KILLING HIS RADIUS OF SIX CITY
OF TIME. YOUR | | PLAYMATES, AND WA ёскё неон THE - R
HERE'S THE, SPOT THE TYKE | LOW
GUAKO THESE “BLASTER ЇЗ” MN E ONS бе!
PKOOUCTS Noe WA TPS
WITH YOUR

PLAYBOY

1 REALLY
THINK THIS ONE!
15 CUTE AND
HARMLESS-
LOOKING =

THIS 16 THE ULTIMATE “BUSINESS”
GAME. IT IMITATES HIGH FINANCE WITH
ASTONISHING FIDELITY. WE CALL IT
“CHEAT.” IT’S SIMILAR TO MONOPOLY,
WITH PROPERTY CAROS AND PLAY MONEY.
THE OBJECTIVE, HOWEVER, 15 TO OBTAIN

NOUR OPPONENT'S MONEY BY GRABBING

IT WHEN HE ISN'T LOOKING,
OR BY FORCE.

| THINK
WE HAVE THE
ANSWER TO
MONOPOLY HERE.

NOT ONLY WILL THE LITTLE
NEENY NONNY BABY DOLL
WALK, TALK, LAUGH, CRY,
COUGH, BURP, BELCH, WET,
ORIBBLE AND DRCOL, BUT

THANKS TO А BREAKTHROUGH
IN OUR RESEARCH DEPARTMENT,
SHE WILL ВЕ THE FIRST DOLL
CAPABLE OF ACTUALLY CONTRACTING
ANY DF A DOZEN DIFFERENT.
CHILDHOOD DISEASES. BUT THAT'S
(NOT ALL. WE'VE ALSO FOUND А WAY
ТО MAKE НЕК DISEASES CONTAGIOUS
FOR OTHER DOLLS. AS YOU CAN
SEE, FOR EXAMPLE, THIS BOOBY
DOLL 15 STARTING TO CATCH
YOUR NEENY NONNY ODLL'S
MEASLES.

YOUVE SEENOUR
LITTLE NEENY
NONNY BABY DOLL.
WELL, THIS YEAR
WE'VE GIVEN HER
ONE INNOVATION
THAT SHOULD
CAUSE SOME
EXCITEMENT.

YOU CAN'T AS A MATTER OF FACT, OUR
EXPECT AREAL | KIDDY KAP PISTOL — MADE OF | NOW
WEAPON TO LOOK | LIGHT, OURABLE PLASTIC — 1550 LET
AUTHENTIC IN APPEARANCE THAT МЕ
SHOW

REAL THING. MORE KIDDY KAP
PLASTIC PISTOLS WERE USED IN
“FAKE GUN” HOLDUPS LAST YEAR
THAN ALL OTHER TOY GUNS
COMBINED.

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HERE’S A WONDERFUL
NEW PRODUCT FOR AGGRESSIVE

AN ERECTOR SET CAN BUILD.
16 VERY EFFECTIVE FOR
KNOCKING DOWN DOLL-
HOUSES AND TROUBLE -
SOME PLAYMATES.

OF COURSE, YOU'RE
FAMILIAR WITH OUR
FAMOUS BOOBY DOLL ARE, | NOW WANT TO SHOW
AND WHY WE CALL HER YOU THE MOST EXCITING
THAT, EH? WE MAKE A NEW DINKYWINKY PROD-

BUT AS PROMISING AS
THESE MANY INNOVATIONS

FORTUNE WITH HER, UCT OF ALL-THIS ISTHE
PARTICULARLY WITH _ LITTLE NUMBER THAT'LL
НЕК EVER-CHANGING MAKE THEM STAND UP

PERFECT REPLICA IN EVERY DETAIL ---
DOLL--«THE WITH A SOFT, WARM PLASTIC COVERING
| DOLL TO END SO PERFECT, YOU'D SWEAR SHE WAS ALIVE,

ALL DOLLS! АМО WITH SOME SOPHISTICATED MECHANICAL | weee,

MY PIÈCE- INNOVATIONS WE NEVER THOUGHT OF ADDING
) OUR OTHER DOLLS. WE'LL SELL А MILLION
OF THEM! AND THINK OF THE MONEY
WE'LL MAKE ON ACCESSORIES —

REMEMBER,
BOMB = 1 WANT
TO GUARD THIS
WITH YOUR LIFE
RD GECAUSE12

YOU SEE, MK. DINKYWINKY = THIS BOUNDER RENDERED
ME UNCONSCIOUS, TIED ME ИР AND POSED A5 ME, HOPING
TO STEAL YOUR TOY SECRETS FOR YOUR COMPETITOR.

f STOP HIM! HE'S GOT THE ANNIE
DOLL! IT'S THE ONLY WORKING MODEL
THAT WE HAVE! GRAB HER! GRAB HER!

V COMPANY
tM ave THIS
GOLL, THEN

PLAYBOY

318

/. HOW GHASTLY!
THIS HORRIBLE SENSE-
LESS TRAGEDY TURNS

MY STOMACH.

| FEEL SORRY
FOR THE MAN,
TOO.

LEAPIN"

DINKYWINKY
REALLY TURNS

OUT A FINE
BOOBY DOLL.
THE HAIR ++

MINIATURE
IN EVERY
DETAIL!

MINIATURE
5T LAURENT

WAKD-

HAKO CHEESE,

OLD ВО. ГМ AFRAID

YOU WON'T BEABLE
TO DISPLAY YOUR
SUPER DOLL AT THE

À TOY SHOW TOMORROW

AFTER ALL.

LOOK! COULO |
FRISBIE INTEREST YOL
ISSTEALING JM IN BUYING A
FEW HUNDRED
GROSS OF THESE?
"TS THE GREATEST

Look! vou
SHOWED ME THE

SAME THING LAST
VEAR AND I TOLD
YOU THEN IT WAS

ROTTEN.

4
T RA

WELL, WELL, OINKVWINKV, | UNDERSTAND
YOU HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE UP IN YOUR
SHOWROOM YESTERDAY. TOO BAD YOU

WON'T BE DISPLAYING YOUR SUPER-

SECRET NUMBER THIS NEAR.

AND HER BIG BEN

BOYFRIENO DOLL
WITH EXACT
MINIATURE

PRIVATE PARTS!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE DINKYWINKY TOY COMPANY
ASIDE, PRESENTS ITS SUPREME TRIUMPH
MENDEL” | IN TOY MANUFACTURING ++: THE

MAGNIFICENT ANNIE DOLL?

Й ике miniature В

PUCCI, ONLY | |
LIFE-STZED/,

TEE. А ANNIE, COME BACK
Я ! AND ACT LIKE A DOLL TILL 1
PM IN LOVE WITH єт THEIR ORDERS! YGU OWE ME

THE ANNIE DOLL THIS» [| ONE MORE HOUR'S LABOR, AFTER
TIME ГМ SURE IT’S " Т
TRUE LOVE! WHICH, YOU'RE FIRED!

IF IT HAS A
SISTER DOLL
FOR ME!

MR.
OINKYWINKY,
PA GIVING NOU
ONE МОКЕ MINUTE'S
NOTICE, AFTER

PLAYBOY

A SPECIAL
INVITATION TO
PLAYBOY's
FRIEND
WORLD WIDE

Subscribe to PLAYBOY now
and save 20% off the single-
copy price with these one-
year rates:

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. EN e SKR. * Switzerland
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$15.60 U.S. currency or: Austria 411
Sch. + British Possessions £5.11.5
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Am Union, APO & FPO $8.

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NORMAN MAILER, THE AUTHOR, PLAYWRIGHT AND HIPPIE HERO
SPEAKS HIS MIND IN AN EXCLUSIVE PLAYBOY INTERVIEW

‘SAUL BELLOW—A FAMILY'S. KANS CRAVING LEADS TO A GROTESQUE,
IRONIC DENOUEMENT—“THE OLD SYSTEM”

U.S. SENATOR STEPHEN М. YOUNG ARGUES THAT PROFESSIONAL
PRESSURERS DO PLAY USEFUL ROLES—“THE CASE FOR LOBBIES"

JOHN CHEEVER—IN A SARDONIC FANTASY, A MAN'S SEARCH FOR
SURCEASE LEADS TO VIOLENCE—“THE YELLOW ROOM'"

EVGENY EVTUSHENKO-—RUSSIA'S POETIC YOUNG GENIUS LIMNS HIS
THOUGHTS ON LOVE AND DROPPING OUT—“TWO POEMS”

R. BUCKMINSTER FULLER—THE INVENTOR OF THE GEODESIC DOME
ENVISIONS A FLOATING, SELF-CONTAINED “CITY OF THE FUTURE"

BUDD SCHULBERG—A WRY TALE OF A BARE-KNUCKLE FIGHTER AND A
WAR THAT SENT HIM OVER THE HILL—“A LATIN FROM KILLARNEY”

STIRLING MOSS DELINEATES THE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL MAKE-UP
OF A UNIQUE BREED—“THE MYSTIQUE OF THE RACE DRIVER”

HARVEY COX—BENEATH THEIR SURFACE ECCENTRICITIES, THE FLOWER
CHILDREN POSSESS THOSE QUALITIES THAT MAY HELP RELIGION PLAY A
SIGNIFICANT ROLE IN A CHANGING WORLD—“GOD AND THE HIPPIES”

OGDEN NASH—A FARRAGO OF WORLDLY FIVE-LINERS FROM THE PUCK-
ISH PEN OF THE RENOWNED VERSIFIER—“OUT ON A LIMERICK”

JIM BISHOP—YELLOW JOURNALISM'S HEYDAY IN NEW YORK FOUND
CRIME, SEX AND SCANDAL (REAL, IMAGINED AND STAGED) CROWDING
THE FRONT PAGES—“THE WAR OF THE TABLOIDS’

RAY BRADBURY—MOVIE GHOULS AREN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE
AND THE WORLD'S THE WORSE FOR IT—"DEATH WARMED OVER"

ART BUCHWALD-—WASHINGTON'S WITTIEST WORDSMITH PLAYS TOUCH
FOOTBALL WITH DETROIT'S LITERARY LION—“PAPER PLIMPTON'*

ARTHUR C. CLARKE—SOME PRESCIENT PROGNOSTICATIONS ON MAN'S.
COMING ENCOUNTER—“WHEN EARTHMAN AND ALIEN MEET”

JOHN CLELLON HOLMES—AN APPRECIATIVE APPRAISAL OF THE EMER-
GENT FEMALE AND HER SWINGING WAY OF LIFE—“THE NEW GIRL”

KURT VONNEGUT, JR.—A FANTASY OF A FUTURE WORLD IN WHICH
SEX IS SHORN OF PLEASURE—“WELCOME TO THE MONKEY HOUSE”

5 |> A REVEALING TEN-PAGE PICTORIAL ON STELLA STEVENS;
MORE MISADVENTURES OF “LITTLE ANNIE FANNY"; AN EIGHT’
PAGE “VARGAS PORTFOLIO"—FROM THE THIRTIES TO THE PRESENT;
“PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE REVIEW”; “SHEL SILVERSTEIN IN HOLLY-
WOOD"; LEROY NEIMAN'S “MAN AT HIS LEISURE: ROME”; “MID-
NIGHT EXPLOSION"—HOW TO FLING A RING-A-DING RINGING-IN OF
THE NEW YEAR—AND “BREAKFAST IN BED” FOR THE MORNING AFTER;
AND A GALA ARRAY OF GIFTS FROM “THE ELEVENTH-HOUR SANTA.”

INFORMATIVE AND PROVOCATIVE PICTORIAL-AND-TEXT
МР ay Gage IN CINEMA OF THE SIXTIES, BY ARTHUR KNIGHT
ILPERT; LUSH PHOTOGRAPHIC UNCOVERAGE E THE

сіно Qr: SCAND NAVIA, AUSTRALIA, THE ORIENT,” “B! oF
IEW YORK," AND THE LOVELIES | WHO GRACE THE FILM VERSIONS OF
RELLA” AND “FUNNY GIRI A PLAYBOY PANEL ON “THE
DRUG CRISIS”; EXCLUSIVE PLAYBOY INTERVIEWS WITH U. 5. SENATOR

CHARLES PERCY, JAMES BALDWIN, BISHOP PIKE, TRUMAN CAPOTE
AND ALLEN GINSBERG; THE BEST WORKS OF THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS
AUTHORS AND ARTISTS TO APPEAR IN ANY MAGAZINE TODAY, INCLUDING
BERNARD MALAMUD, U.S. SUPREME COURT JUSTICE WILLIAM
©. DOUGLAS, KENNETH TYNAN, ISAAC BASHEVIS SINGER, SEC-
RETARY OF THE INTERIOR STEWART UDALL, NORMAN THOMAS,
ALAN WATTS, NAT HENTOFF, LEN DEIGHTON, JOHN KNOWLES,
JULES FEIFFER, JOSEPH WECHSBERG, J. PAUL GETTY, JOHN D.
MACDONALD, MERLE MILLER, SHEL SILVERSTEIN, WILLIAM
IVERSEN, J. С. BALLARD, ARTHUR С. CLARKE, HERBERT GOLD,
JACOB BRACKMAN, ALBERTO VARGAS, DAN GREENBURG, KEN
W. PURDY, BERNARD WOLFE, Р. G, WODEHOUSE AND MANY MORE.

Oh, you men and your heroics!
Do I alw have to earn
my Canadian Club the hard way?

OPTED IN BOTTLE FRU CENSOR BY H " ШЕШЕП

A reward for men. A delight for women.

Smooth as the wind.
Mellow as sunshine.
Friendly as laughter.

The whisky that's bold 4
enough to be lighter
than them all.

The 1968 Barracuda.
.. We gave it4 new engines,
~ just for kicks.

We widen optional
Wide Oval

And bleı taillights with the
rear deck.

And restyled the grille.

In short, we made it look a whole lot
cleaner and quicker.

And the beat goes оп.

Our new engines: 318, 340 and 383 cu. in.
V-8s and a 225 cu. in. Six.

Powering your choice of hardtop,
fastback or convortible body styles.

And the boat goes on.

We also gave Barracuda options

2 it never had before.

Like carpeting on the walls.

And map pouches on the doors.
Order a tach and you'll find the shift
points in the “12 o'clock" position.

They're easier to see that way.

And the beat goes on.

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