Full text of "PLAYBOY"
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AROUND IBY
THE NOSE.
SINGER JANEWAY
PLAY BILL considerable
evidence to the con-
trary, the 20th Century so far l
the golden age of communications—for
man with his environment and for man
with himself. Heralding rrAvnov's recog
ition of that act is our phone-calling
1, Paulette Lindberg. Even as
information technology grows more so-
phisticated, the very malia that make
owth possible often obsolete themselves
the process. Such, allege many criti
is the case with tli у
avenue to sell-discovery, Freudian a
sis. But in Crisis in Psychoanalysis, Mor-
ton Hunt detects signs of lile in that
supposedly deceased discipline Hunt—
whose latest book. The Affair: 4 Portrait
of Extra-Mavital Love in Contemporary
America (World Publishing Co.). will be
released this month—has written over 60
g with psychology. Mari-
cover
once
nication, is probed by Dr.
ues the need for
public attitudes and repressive legislation
Pot: A Rational Approach. Nonsmoker
‘ort has scientific rather than p
reasons for advocating revisie
dializes in drug abuse and public health,
he is the author of The Pleasure Seekers:
The Drug Crisis, Youth and Society. He
is ako on the faculties of th
of C. t Berkeley
cisco State College.
The manner in which U.S. Pre
ме with their advisors rev
bout the men behind the office 10
thor columnist publisher Eliot
y. Janeways article, Experts and
incorporated into
fornia
communis
much
Expertise, which will L
his forthcoming book of the same name,
1
GREEN mas
UNE
validates а quote borrowed from French
president Georges Pompidou, who claims,
“There are three ways to go broke: gam-
bling. women and expert is
the quickest, women the most fun and
[reliance on] experts the su nal
expert. Janeway's most recently published
book. The Economics of Crisis (Weybright
& Talley), is credited with conuibutins
Wall Streer’s changing, attitude about the
bility of war: U Victnam,
Janeway writes, wars were thought to
stimulate our economy—but peace. now
produces the same effect.
Satirist Larry Siegel adds to his decade
long list of rravnov adits with the es
pades of a sports superhero known iis
Baseball Joc. Recently, Siegel signed with
CBS to develop a new series. He has also
finished an origir
of Ralph.
pages
The Book
these
lly
Braun
skerdies events and ch
mune known as Alice's Restaurant. this
enclave —eulogized by Arlo Guthrie's lyric,
and dr: ed in Arthur (Bonnie and
Clyde) Penn's movie (reviewed on page 40)
bout dropouts and their spiritual allies
is recaptured as it really was in A liceand
Ray and Yesterday's Flowers. Television's
most hilariously communicativeduo, Row
an and. Martin—subjects of this month's
Playboy Interview—vap risibly with
PLAYBOY Assistant Editor Harold Ra
October's fiction lineup is headed b;
Harry Brown's The Truth, a comic com-
mentary on the underrated hazards of
е service to country and com-
ag olficer—.
communicat м
Truth will appear im Browns latest
hook, The Wild Hunt (Harcourt, Brace
X World), to be published next year.
impressionisti
icis di
mand
BROWN
Author Isaac Bashe agers On the
Way to the Poorhause is а darkly humor-
ous tale of a homewrecking whore in а
Polish town. Singer's newest book, The
Eslale (Farrar, Straus & Giroux), has
just been published. In Revelations, А
Baber details the fatal fantasies of
speedballing truck. driver. Baber's forth-
coming novel, The Land of a Million
Elephants (William Morrow & Co), is
ature issues
ДА
n Pm of ecdysiasm. now
the lively aris, the longest
queues in many а New York theatrical
season are in evidence—and the longest
of all are outside the Eden Theater, where
PLAYEOY Contributing Editor Kenneth
Tynan’s erotic extravaganza, Oh! Cal-
cilla, has been playing to record aowds
nce June. Six pages of eye
coverage take us front-row-center
critic Drue Wi
mentary it es us backstage—without a
wait at the box office. Though his films
are usually bristling with birds, Michael
Caine's latest flick Too Late the Hero—
is devoid of distaff roles. To compensate
for that dearth, we have surrounded the
star with a sizable Hock in
parody of that movie's ма
mpleting this communicative editorial
package arc our annual Jazz i Pop Poll,
induding your ballot for the brightest
names in sound: our annual Fall & Winter
Fashion Forecast, delivered with PLAYBOY
Fashion Director Robert L. Green's cus-
тошаніу astute dairvoyance; New Haven
Haven, a Playboy Pad: Smoke
Dreams, an assemblage of princely smok-
gear. All plus ringing
ymate J ез our October is
sue the medium for à memorable message.
PLAYBOY.
Forecast
Calculo.
AND NO MÉSPONSIMILITT CAM aC ASSUMES FOR UN-
тамтаот WILL зе TREATED аз UNCONDITICHALLY As-
псмлуго. PLAYOOT® ano RABBIT MAD резен ALET:
vol. 16, no. I0—october, 1969
CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE
PLAYBILL_ s
DEAR PLAYBOY.
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS - s
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR = 57
THE PLAYBOY FORUM _. 63
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: ROWAN AND MARTIN —condid convers, 83
THE TRUTH—fiction HARRY BROWN 102
CRISIS IN PSYCHOANALYSIS—articl MORTON HUNT 106
WAR GAMES pictor: ...... 109
SMOKE DREAMS—accouterments. 114
ON THE WAY TO THE POORHOUSE— fiction. ISAAC BASHEVIS SINGER 117
ALICE AND RAY AND YESTERDAY'S FLOWERS —articl
SAUL BRAUN 120
REVELATIONS— fiction ASA BABER 123
A PLAYBOY PAD: NEW HAVEN HAVEN modern living 126
POT: A RATIONAL APPROACH—epinion JOEL FORT, M.D. 131
LONE STAR STANDOUT—playboy’s ploymate of the month 132
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor 140
BASEBALL JOE IN THE WORLD SERIES—satire LARRY SIEGEL 143
PLAYBOY'S FALL & WINTER FASHION FORECAST—attiro... ROBERT L GREEN 145
THE 1970 PLAYBOY JAZZ & POP РОШ —jazz/pop 155
THE PRINCELY PATE—food THOMAS MARIO 162
EXPERTS AND EXPERTISE—orticle EUOT JANEWAY 165
OH! CALCUITT, BRUCE WILUAMSON 166
OF BIRDS AND SNARES—ribeld classic 173
ON THE SCENE—personalities 190
DON ADDIS 195
pictorial essay.
SYMBOLIC SEX—humor
LITTLE ANNIE FANNY —satire __ HARVEY KURTZMAN ond WILL ELDER 272
HUGH м. erxek editor and publisher
A. с. SPECTORSKY associate publisher and editorial director
ARTHUR PAUL art director
JACK J. KESSIE managing editor YINCEN
г. FAIRE picture editor
SHELDON WAX assistant managing editor; MURRAY FISHER, MICHAEL. LAURENCE, NAT
LEHRMAN senior editors; ROBIE MACAULEY fiction editor; JAMES coopr articles editor;
ARTHUR KRETCHMER associate articles editor; том OWEN modern living editor; DAVID
BUTLER. HENRY FENWICK. LAWRENCE LINDERMAN. ROBERT J- SHEA, DAVID STANDISH, DAVID
STEVENS, KOBERT ANTON WILSON associate editors; ROBERT L. GREEN fashion directo:
DAVID TAYLOR fashion editor: LEN DIGHTON travel editor; REGINALD POTTERTON as-
sistant travel editor: THOMAS MARIO food c drink editor: J. PAUL cETTY contributing
editor, business & finance; ARLENE BOURAS сору chief; KEN W. FURDY, KENNETH
TYNAN contributing editors; RICHARD кокк administrative editor; DURANT INBODEN,
BILL QUINN, HAROLD RAMIS, CARL SNYDER, JULIA TRELEASE, ROGER WIDENER, RAY WIL-
JAMS assistant editors; WV CHAMBERLAIN associate picture edilor; MAKILYN GRA
sows assistant picture editor; MARIO CAMILLE DAVID CHAN, DWIGHT HOOKER, POMPEO
POSAR, ALEXAS URBA slaf) pliolographers: маке comard photo lab chief: KONAD
Mr associate art director; NORM SCHAFFER, BOR POST, GEORGE KENTON, KERIG POPE,
TOM STAEBLEK, ROY MOODY, LEN WILLIS, JOSEPH PACZEK аман art directors; WALTER
KRADENYGH, VICTOR HUBBARD arf assistants; MICHELLE. ALTMAN associate cartoon ed-
itor; JOHN млвтко production manager: ALLEN VARGO assistant production manager;
rar FAPPAS rights and permissions = HOWARD W- LEDERER advertising director; JULES
KASE, JOSEPH GUENTHER associate advertising managers: SHERMAN KEATS chicago
advertising manager; KONERT A. MC KENZIE detroit advertising manager; NILSON
ruren promotion director; wexmur Lonscu publicity manager; BENNY DUNN
public relations manager; ANSON MOUNT public affairs manager; THEO FRED-
Ewex personnel director; JANET тїшїм reader service: ALVIN WIEMOLD sub-
scription manager; RONFRY s. гик business manager and circulation director.
At least talk to each other. @АТЕТ
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DEAR PLAYBOY
E] гооп praveov MAGAZINE - PLAYBOY BUILDING, 919 N. MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611
TOUCH AND GO
Robert Kaisers Lelling Go (PLAYBOY,
July) was an excellent investigation of
the relatively unknown world of sensual-
ity and the language of touch, Tactile
experience is by far the most interest-
ing form of all human communication
Probably the first sensory process to op-
erate in the unborn child is tactile: the
heartbeat of the mother magnified by
the womb's amniotic fluid; the pressures
and constrictions during childbirth; the
slap on the rear by the hand of a doctor.
The touch relationship between mother
and baby, studies seem to indicate, will
determine to a grea extent how that
child feels about tactile communication
later in life, especially in regard to
sexual experience. But, unfortunately,
the child learns a societal code that
determines whom he may and may not
touch, and those who break the code are
subject to severe punishment.
As we grow older, we put aside this
tactile language in favor of words; we
in to isolate ourselves and expect
touch to enter into very few of our
relationships. If we brush against some-
one else, we become embarrassed; if a
man covers another man's hand with his
own im order to be beter understood,
people cast a critical eye on him. By
climinating t stimuli in favor of
verbiage, we may be sacrificing a great
deal in human communication
Bruce E. Parmley
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Amazement and shock! In the closing
agraphs of his article, Robert Kaiser
in half a page written a better
analysis of female psychology than has
appeared in all the women's magazines
put together in the past ten years, Je is
another irony for women that this has
been published in a men's magazine.
Women have been appallingly ignorant
of how they have been “mutilated by
their cultural conditioning,” but we are
now slowly coming to an understanding
of the process. This understanding is the
basis of а new feminism that is deter-
mined to climinaie the cultural patterns
that are crippling females. We now have
an awareness of what we believe is wom-
en's potential to become really free hu
man beings, “capable of truly being the
beloved." It is true that the future of
leuing go in America is tied to the future
of women: the problems of women are
ihe problems of the whole society. To
solve these problems is a task almost too
great to be contemplated. But there is
freedom in the striving.
Gainesville Women's
Gainesville, Florida
eration Grou]
I was glad to see that PrAvmov is
exploring the letting go movement; but
it's too bad that so much space we
10 the A. C-D. C. girls and others who
yo—or come—in somewhat bizarre ways.
At least, Bob Kaiser did get the idea
that man can break out of fixed dogmas
(political, social or religious) and expe
rience the personal fulfillment of growth,
change and development. Change can be
so frightening, and growth so scary, that
he was right to underline the importance
of growth centers—with special mention
of the Esilen Institute, which helped
screw my head on (or around).
‘The Rey. Paul Hilsdale, S. J.
Hollywood, fornia
As Kaiser notes in his article, Hilsdale
is a Jesuit priest who is deeply involved
in the letting-go movement.
Kaiser confuses two important de
velopments in the American scene. One
is a therapeutic approach to personality
problems through the mobilization and
integration of feeling This approach,
which has been promoted by the Inst
tute for Bio-Eneigetic Analysis, is nei
ther antixational nor anti-cercbral, It
aims at restoring an individual's biologi
cal capacity to Icel and to express feel
ings by releasing the muscular tensions
that block these vital functions. It seeks
to integrare feeling and thinking,
The second development is an acting
out of perverse, negative and rebellious
feelings under the guise of self-expression
Impulsive behavior of this kind is neither
rational nor emotional and is self-destruc-
tive rather than. sell-affirmative.
The emphasis on the body, pleasure
and letting go is not intended to deny
the value of the ego, achievement and
selfrestraint, Without a polarity between
the two aspects of personality, there is
no movement, Without movement, life
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is flat and boring. If we negated the
ез associated with cerebration, disci-
nd prestige, we would be com-
the same fault as those who
ol the superior virtues of the ego func-
tions at the expense of the bodily or un-
Conscious processes.
Alexander Lowen, M.D.
New York, New York
As a onetime group leader and organ-
wer, I found Letting Go distressing. I
have become increasingly opposed to
this kind of activity, because it is organ-
ized around a highly structured. dicta-
torial system that is a reflection of our
sick middle-class culture. True freedom
will never be realized in a therapy
group—only dependence and addiction
10 the group. It amounts to letting go of
one thing only to latch onto another.
Mark Pugner
Berkeley, California
I'm a journalist who |
tensively about the hipi
man-potential movements and I wish to
take issue with Robert Kaiser and his re-
cent рілувоу piece, Letting Go. 1 do so
out of the strong belief that Kaiser has
done a great disservice to the people
whose activities he has reported and to
the readers of your excellent. magazine
He claims, for example, th:
may have [a colic
s written ex-
and the hu-
"hippies
sense of identity
to à notable degree,” while clinical evi-
dence gathered by physicians at the
ight-Ashbury Free Medical Clinic and
elsewhere indicates precisely the oppo-
site. He lists the therapeutic successes of
ad sensitivity-training
salen Institute and other
ing the
lures to which these indi
viduals readily admit. And he constantly
implies that cultural. conditioning is re-
sponsible for all our problems, some-
thing ап educated man would never do.
Kaiser owes it to the people about
whom he writes and 10 your readers to
take a longer and more sober look at
today’s letring.go phenomena. He should
talk to some of the casualties of the hip-
pic movement, who crowd the Haight-
Ashbury clinic with drug problems, and
to some of the doctors who treat them.
He should look beyond the momen
breakthroughs experienced by encounter
group participants, to see if any have
achieved. psychological improvement. or
emotional gain, He should interview—
rather than ogle—some of the women
who have had multiple orgasms at the
hands of professionally unqualified gu-
rus, to determine whether they can feel
as much joy with their husbands and
lovers as they can in front ol an anony-
mous, and therefore less intimate, sensi-
tivity-training crowd.
Kaiser might learn something else in
the process of his research, as I did after
initially praising all efforts at letting go.
He might realize that people who jump
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PLAYBOY
12
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into movements or report glowingly
about them are looking for answers to
personal problems that all the gurus and
encounter groups in the world could
never solve. He might also see that those
individuals who apothcosize sensitivity
training and condemn our society for
being uptight are most often uptight
themselves,
John Luce
San Francisco, Califor
RIGHT FROM THE START
Since 1 am from the Greater Provi
dence area and am a recent gradu
Southeastern. Massachusetts Technologi-
cal Institute, Т was engulfed by Evan
Hunter's Beginnings (vLaynoy, July). To
me, the story is а recollection of my
college days, as well as a sincere account
of two college lovers living in our hypo-
critical society, Although the story is
fiction, the reality of life can be seen in
every line
Sp/4 Barry L. Rioux
APO New York. New York
OVER THE DAM
Americans owe much to the honest
and informed judgment of Justice Wil.
liam O. Douglas, as a jurist, as a conser
vationist and as a spokesman for the
forgotten man, His article in your July
issue, The Public Be Dammed, puts us
even more in his debt. He has written
an accurate and hard-hitting
of the factors that have pushed the Army
Corps of Engineers into promin
"public enemy number onc." It is be.
yond dispute that the Corps wields
powerful and often unforumate in
fuence—both on the public and on the
Congress, 1 can testify from personal
experience that unwary members of
Congress whose views “Шет from those
of the Corps tend to lind themselves
incorporated into the roadway. It smells
like a steam roller, it sounds like a
steam roller and you had beuer believe
that it does the same job—quiedy and
efficiently.
For years, the Congress has been un-
able to control the Corps: periodical
attempts are made by individuals or
assesment
nce as
groups to assert some force over the
decision-making process. Until now, these
auempts have largely been frustrated, ab
though I hasten to add that the present
inclination of the Cou
some influence in assigning rational pri-
orities may have welcome and startling
fringe benefits in this If it does
not, howeve оп is the
only ally that we in th "
on in our fight to protect what litle
TESS 10 exercise
then publi
he Congress can rely
remains of our natural heri
Representative Richard L. Ouinger
U.S. House of Representatives
Washington, D.C
ше
с how blind and
as could be. The
І was shocked to s
biased Justice Doug!
Army Corps of Eng y have its
faults, but it has also made remarkable
improvements all over the United States.
For example: The Corps built Glen
Canyon Dam, which is both beautiful
and uscful. The dam backs up a 186
mile lake that provides excellent boating.
fishing and all other forms of water rec-
reation. The generators in the dam send
out millions of kilowatts of power to
Arizona and Utah. 15 this “damming
the people? The Corps has also built
hundreds of fMlood-contol dams that
have saved lives and. prevented. destruc-
tiom. The question of whether we
should save rapids or lives does not need
to be asked, because the answer is ob-
vious. Many of the numerous flood-con-
trol dams also provide parks, beaches
nd facilities for water sports.
2nd Lt. Thomas N. Rumney
Army Gorps of Engincers
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Being a fishery biologist has put me
in a position to sce many of the eco-
logical disasters created by the Corps
under the guise of flood control. The
total inellectiveness of most of these con:
trol measures is beyond comprehension.
The damage done by these projects fur
outweighs what litle short-range good
they do. The best answer to flood con-
trol lies in the placement of housing
projects, etc, away from natural flood
plains. Anyone with the remotes under-
standing of ecology knows the result of
ecological succession 10 impounded bodies
of water. This process is so rapid that in
some cases, the impoundments may have
ı useful life of only а few years, depend
ing on the watershed, of course.
I wholeheartedly agree with Justice
Douglas that the efforts of these well-
meaning men can be put to better use in
the control of pollution and waste, to
remedy our past mistakes and to prevent
the spread of more Lake Eries,
P. J. Pfister
Lynchburg, Ohio
A gutsy man, this Justice Douglas.
The Army Corps of Engineers docs not
enjoy criticism at any level, Ull be sur-
prised if much Corpsinitiated harass
ment is not directed at Douglas. One
additional note to his article: Perhaps
the most phenomenal boondoggle in
politics that the Corps has conceived
to date is the Rampart Dam Project
in Alaska. Apparently, America has to
have the biggest and best of everyt!
ing
ind so it is with dams, Nasser has
his Aswan, so we must have our Ram-
part. Ш constructed, this dam would
be the largest power generator, remotest
and most costly in the world. It would
create а lake roughly the size of Lake
Erie (280 by 80 miles) and it would
completely inundate the Yukon Basin,
a prime nesting area for the Pacific
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flyway—which, if we must speak in terms
of dollars and cents, is responsible for a
multimillion-dollar industry in the form
of money spent hunting the ducks and
geese that frequent the area. The flood-
ing of this river valley would also destroy
one of the last major big-game areas in
North / would create
enough hydroelectric power to supply
more than a third of the lower 48 states
—in a state with a population of
250,000! But the Corps argues that the
dam would control floods, where there
are no people, improve navigation, where
there are no boats, and enhance recre-
ional opportunities presumably by
placing the hunting grounds several
hundred feet under water.
It is ironic that with our sophisticated
technology, we are unable to dispose of
our waste and refuse, that as
continues to "improve
where living things may find breathing
space, food and cover are diminishing.
Every time a dredge or a bulldozer moves,
another eviction notice for life is written
across the landscape—and, with it
value and importance of every remair
sanctuary is increased.
Tom Hallicl
Hollywood, California
the
When we invited Justice Douglas and
his wile to Kentucky's Red River Gorge
to lead more than 700 people in a pro-
test hike against an Army Corps of Engi
neers dam that would destroy the gorge,
we were just beginning to learn about
how the Corps operates. We have learned
а lot since then. Kentucky's scientific
community helped supply information
about the gorge that was missing from
the evaluation and justification of this
project that the Corps placed before Con-
gress. It now appears that the ellort to
save this rugged and ecologically unique
wilderness environment might be success-
Iul. What we have learned Irom our cf-
fort shows without doubt that wh
Justice Douglas has written about the
ngineers is correct. Fed by politicians
who seek pork-barrel projects within
their Congressional districts, the Corps
operates with engineering principles but
Jards. It seems
m, суеп from
laed from all cr
the scientific commu
rLAYBoY and Wil O. Douglas
should receive a national standing ov:
tion for this masterful, overdue account-
ing. As Justice Douglas suggests, the
Engineers entire structure of operation
should be redefined by the Congress,
James E. Kowalsky
Sierra Club
Barbourville, Kentud
Justice Douglas has indicted the Corps
of Engineers as "public enemy number
one.” I disagree. The reader should note
the last cight paragraphs of The Public
Be Dammed. Justice Douglas expressed
a need for the Corps, but under new,
conservation-oriented direction. Can we
continue to urbanize our flood plains,
pollute our rivers and demand commer-
cial and recreational navigation improve-
ments, and then condemn the Corps for
the structur: proposes in an-
swer to our cries for help? "The Corps of.
Engineers functions at our request. Our
society is public enemy number onc.
Robert W. McIntosh, Tr.
Broomall, Pennsylvan
YOU OUGHTA BE IN PICTURES
As an actor myself, and as a friend
and admirer of Rod Steiger, let me con-
gratulate you on a fine July interview
with him. His candid, revealing com-
ments are a fresh breeze in а somewhat
stale atmosphere. Whether you agree
with Rod or not, his honesty is most
refreshing. With a phrase here, and а
word there, he wipes away the phoniness
that appears to be inherent in our busi-
ness. The pretense that exists on both
Coasts he says, a sick game that
people in our industry pl
Rod cares for his work and is con-
cerned about people; and to understand
people is what keeps an actor on top.
I dolf my cap to him for having the
guts to let it all hang out, to strip off
all the outer layers and show himself as
the man he really is. Perhaps people
now will understand a little better what
makes actors do what they do.
Ray Walston
Hollywood, California
I was disappointed to sce an interview
wasted on Rod Steiger. He seemed
pompous, trying mightily to convince
everyone (mainly himself) of his hu-
manity and artistic talents. I felt sorry
for the interviewer—his questions seemed
то be merely cue lines for Steiger's self-
inflating prose. Let's hear more from real
people and less from the "Look at me—
Tm young, beautiful, artistic and hip"
frauds.
G. Guidera
San Francisco, California
MECHANICAL MEN
To have fun in writing a letter to the
editor, one should be able to defile some
wthor’s narrow-minded blunder. As а
professional builder of robots, I find по
such opportunity in David Rorvik's
Slaves or Masters? (eLAvmov, July. He
has hit all of the high spots in robot
lore and he has reasonably restrained
himself in conjecturing on the future.
Yet, on this latter score, it scems that he
has been gently led astray by profession-
dreaming. The creation of an arti-
ficial intelligence competitive with that
of a human bas been
than was predicted by the computer
pioneers a decade аро. Today, almost
ar more elusive
How to be alone in a crowd.
Dodge Challenger is the kind of sports compact you
buy when you don't want one like everybody else's.
When you'd like a little more living room in the back
seat. When you'd appreciate a wider stance that
carves curves with extra authority. When you want a
look a little cleaner, a door a little thicker, and a choice
of engines that starts with a new, livelier, thrifty Six
and runs all the way up to the 426 Hemi. The new
Dodge Challenger is the kind of sports compact you
buy when you want a choice of standard hardtop,
formal hardtop, or convertible. When you want a model
choice of the standard Challenger or the R/T. (The
R/T offers a special hood and a Rallye Instrument
Cluster with simulated walnut dash as standard equip-
ment. Optional on the Challenger.) New Dodge
Challenger is the car you buy when you decide you
don't want to be like everyone else. There's a big
difference between good and great. New Dodge
Challenger has it all. And you'll find very little of it is
reflected in the price
If you have your own idea of what a car shouldbe...
you could be
DODGE
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PLAYBOY
every laboratory has some sort of impres-
sive specialized gag that is trotted out
for visiting dignitaries. A $1,000,000
computer, a vidicon camera and a Rube
Goldberg arm can be nursed into the
semblance of intelligent action, such. as
finding two white cubes on a black back-
ground and stacking them one atop the
other. Is this а true harbinger of a robot
capable of handling even a limited
variety of useful tasks? I think not.
Two years ago, Professor John McCar-
of Stanford and I discussed how he
might extend his laboratory experiments
into a useful industrial product. To
pique his enthusiasm (and to. pull. his
leg), I sent him an unassembled child's
wagon, suggesting that he construct a
robot that could perform a task that has
bewildered fathers for years—the assem-
And you never a i
(С d dns IERI EU
with any number of everyday household
grey again. БЕСЕ objects and would overcome a basic prob
тилеит Jem in the arca of artificial intel ncc—
PES namely, that industrial robots normally
anot cope with parts of the size used
wagon.
I don't know what St
ficial Intelligence Project is doing with
the wagon—if it ever did get assembled
Trousers byAsher. in that eyric of fuscclass natural intelli
gence: but [ do suggest that McCarthy
and all the others [ace formidable barri
ers to the creation of an economically
viable robot that will contend with any
thing but subhuman tasks. To а roboti
cist, even a moron is a fantastically
fashioned creation. The mind boggles at
trying to match this trade-off between
arthly competence and production cost.
Iberger, President
"Somebody finally made в trouser
мога Arti-
For your nearest store write Asher, Fitchburg, Mass.
Test walk a Plymouth.
2 ON 2 3 J.F
ima
Besides maki
Slaves or Masters? has the
virtue of mentioning me. Ror Hudes.
to my modesty, and I suspect that he is
surprised а man of my attainments can
manage to be modest. He need пог be
The lovable modesty with which I am
imbued is but one of many qualities that
make me so great
Таас Asimov
" West Newton, M.
ord ИККЕ КОКОДОН Asimov is the humble author of “1,
pre-antiqued brown grain. Robot.” “The Naked Sun" and many
нн other books.
Ep Duis
[i
estimable
ichuset is
Some of my best friends are robots. If
I were one of them, 1 would have felt
that Slaves or Masters? was condescend-
ing and primitive, to say the least. How-
ever, my robot friends are concerned
about something they consider much
more serious. Having assimilated success
fully and having lived useful, quiet,
Plymouth productive lives for many years, they are
Middleboro, Massachusetts distressed about such arides, which
Manufacturers of world famous Apache Mocs tend to focus attention on their exist-
nce. Although Waker Reuther has
Give her your
and watch her smoke.
Go ahead. Give it to her. A rich, grape-y
Tipalet Burgundy. Or tangy Tipalet Cherry.
Orluscious Tipalet Blueberry. That's right,
Blueberry. It's wild! Tipalet. No inhaling.
Delicious taste and aroma both of you can
live with. . happily, ever after.
Smokers of America, do yourself a flavor.
Make your next cigarette a Tipalet.
ЛЕА TIPALET. |TIPALET. TÍPALET.
Р i
New from Muriel. About 5 for 25¢
PLAYBOY
20
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Ask your dealer to
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and two auto-threading
projectors. They all put ona
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s 168 Gion Cove Road,
uer E
Chicago: Dallas: Glendale.
From $50 to under $525* Calif. In Canada. Kingsway
Film Equipment Ltd., Ontario.
олон NORERT Bonen калтек UNO PHOTOHINO COBH, SEALER DETERMINES FICE TOUR PREN
If it weren't for a volcano, Leilani would taste
On the Hawaiian island of more. Thar's because we make
Maui, there's a dormant vol- it in a small distillery. And we
cano called Haleakala. make it slowly. Carefully. In
nd thar surrounds: small batches. On a remote is-
icash.Whichiswhy we land. So we can't make much of it.
i But we think you'll find the taste so
pleasant, you won't mind paying thar
tinctive flavor. Tittle bit extra.
However, Leilani does cost a litle After all, Leilani is made in paradise,
given his blessings to the industrial ro-
bot, they fear that he and others of
humanist leanings might respond quite
differently if they were to discover that
some of my friends have gone far be-
yond jobs that aren't fit for men. For
example, one good robot friend of mine
is curently producer of a well-known
television series. My friends have seen
the effect of backlash brought to bear
against groups or philosophies that
thought to have moved too far too f
Publicity is, therefore, anathema to their
cxistence, and they have asked me to
urge you to turn off the spotlight. Un-
der the circumstances, that is the only
humane thing we can do for them,
Leonard Nimoy
Hollywood, California
Nimoy is known to his human friends
аз “Star Trek's” Mr. Spock.
c achieved a Ieyel of
neohuman perléction, we will know it
without hesitation, They will get union
ized, go on strike and picket plants
where they are
they'll carry з
and the employment of hu
When robots
in labor.
Raymond Locwy
Paris
Among industrial de
many creations ате the Coke bottle and
the Princess telephone.
DARK REQUEST
Tm sure E needn't list the advantages
of n y life, but I do have one minor
complaint. My friends and I never get
to see Playboy After Dark. 1 can think
of nothing I'd like better than to
in from of a television set and watch
Hugh Hefner living it up in L. A. Vicar-
ious pleasure is better Шап none at all.
How about showing Playboy After Dark
overseas? There must be а w:
Sp/4 Joseph Flaherty
igon, Vietnam.
There is and we are. The Department
of Defense asked us to make the show
available to military personnel serving
outside the United States, and it is now
being telecast through the Armed Forces
Radio and Television Service to land
bases and certain ships at sea. So fall out
and drop in on “Playboy After Da
с.
MES COMPANIES PLAY
Lawrence Linderman's excellent. July
artide, The Executive Stiletto, provides
cogent evidence of a most corrupt-
phenomenon in American life
What underlies man's inhumanity to
man is die subject of this insightful
artide—man’s disingenuousness to his
fellow man. Our refusal or inability to
be straightforward in our dealings with
one another has crept into virtually
every walk of lifc—particululy, as Lin-
derman points out, into the very heart
(assuming there is onc) of the elite
workl of the business executive, Here, а
ack Power.
Our Post-Grad Slacks have soul.
And they come in a mighty medley of
plaids, stripes, checks and solids.
Press-Free. Talon Zipper. From $10.00.
Slighter higher in the West. For retailers,
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Available in Canada. Boys' sizes, too.
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x i Anti-establishment
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PLAYBOY
22
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lack of candor rises to a level of sophisti-
cation that borders on being cruel or, at
the very least, degrading. We don't tell a
man he is fired. Insicad, we take away
his executive parking spot or move lus
desk away from the à ve him
less and less to do—acts designed to cue
him to begin looking for another job.
Does the superannuated executive ap-
ртесіше all the subtleties and euphe-
misms that cloak his gewing canned, or
is he left with irreversible wounds—
wounds that сап be smelled festering by
our younger generations? Is it any won-
der that the youth of today are turned
off by our methods? These are the ques-
tions we must ask ourselves if we are to
continue to make dishonesty and decep-
tion the pervasive art forms that they
are becoming in America. I thank the
editors of PLAYBOY for permitting a frank
look at this insidious illness.
Thomas J. Madden
The Philadelphia Inquirer
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
yews ago, I had been cm-
ployed by a law frm for more than
three years and felt that I was entitled
10 а partnership. 1 considered my work
good то excellent and, although 1 was
ucely aware that 1 hadn't bowled the
senior partners over by my performance,
1 felt the many, many nights Fd plugged
away for them would be rewarded.
When nothing happened in the way of
а partnership, I finally got up the nerve
10 discuss the matter with my superior. 1
still remember his answer: “Well, to tell
you the truth, we really haven't made
пу plans to offer you a partnership."
Translation: "You might as well get the
hell out of here.” I did, have founded my
own firm since, but still wish my former
employers had been honest enough to
tell me my services were not necessary.
It would have saved me а lot of time.
Gorden Wilson
New York, New York
BIRD WATCHERS
I immensely enjoyed your pictorial on
the Birds of America in your July issue.
My compliments to Ben Rose on an
utterly fantastic job of photography.
K. Haven Meuger
Columbia City, India
The plumage of the Birds of America
is, indeed, fine, But you've got the а
I wrong.
Les Line, Editor
Audubon Magazine
New York. New York
What a fine selection of game birds!
But it’s too bad you left out the gamest
of all—the redheaded, double-breasted
mattress dirasher,
R. G. McDonald
Warsaw, Missouri
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MAE scolis ossi. Sone velit
(NEN
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PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS
n a day when hyperbole has become the
es idiom of the travel agent, it
is understandably difficult for the aver-
age wayfarer to find owt—before it's 100
late—the often indelicate realities that
lie bencath the glittcring promotional
prose. In brochures about the subtropi-
cil islands, the native men are always
lithelimbed and handsome, the native
women slim and ravishing, the food a pi-
quant blend of exotica, the forests spec
tacular cınopies teeming with game for
the hunter, the native sports and music
unique m their grace and fascination.
But when the unwitting traveler 1
himself off to some vaunted Shangri-La
excluding our own, of course—he may
well find that his time is spent lying
prone under a smakeprool net, lending.
off voracious viruses and flying beasties
that bring lumps in the night.
But honesty has not been entirely
abandoned in the world of travel litera-
ture, as evidenced by а short but refresh-
ing guidebook recenily distributed to a
party of Americin travel writers by the
tourist. board of the Spanishowned С:
nary Islands. One writer in the group,
stunned by the jarring passages of can-
dor that lace the book, felt inspired to
bring this incongruity to our attention.
"Ehe self deflating tone of the volume, we
discovered, is set by the introductory
pages, entitled “To the Reader," in
which die author realistically concedes
that few people will read his opening
remarks, since all prefaces addressed “To
ihe Reader” are studiously avoided.
Pressing on, we learned that "A rela
tively large number of tourists who have
spent a short time in the islands com-
plain of haying suffered а mythical ill-
ness which they call Ganary fever"; the
symptoms include “violent headaches
companied by high temperatures and
looseness of the bowels.” Scrofula, syphi-
lis and. dephantiasis—which ravaged the
islands a seasons ago—have, we
were relieved to learn, “practically dis-
appeared.”
few
Undismayed by the prospect of con-
ary fever, we mrned to those
pages that described the nodoubt Tush
lope phy and wildlife of the islands—
tracting С
only to be informed that the wooded
regions of the Ganaries “have very poor
fauna and no undergrowth.” The pick
ings for would-be hunters, furthermore,
are slim, indeed, since “the bustards
have died out, rabbits are geuing rarer
every day, the wild dove has taken refuge
in rocky ravines” and borh the partridge
and the quail “have been literally ded-
mated." Fortunately, while there are few
animals still worth stalking, the visitor
can at least be secure in the knowledge
that few dangerous beasts are likely 10
be stalking him: “The only really ollen-
sive creatures are flies and cockroach
... The flies bite much more fiercely
than in Europe, but the cockroaches, al
though repulsive in appearance, do not
bite and are nor destrative like the
Асап cockroach.” И one has а morbid
interest in marauding insects, we are ad-
vised, one can always head lor the out-
lying islands, which are "liable to attacks
ues of locusts.
inhabitants of the
idebook.
were
essentially a troglodyte race,” which may
ies, according to the gu
have accounted for the unprepossessing
physiognomy of their descendants. In
many смех, the author uncharitably
nores, “the lower half [of the face] is
rather gross, slightly prognathous with
thick lips and а badly shaped and brutish
chin"; the women “have beautiful figures
but, unfortunately, they have the pro
pensity common also to Mediterranean
women of soon running to fat.” The
communities and customs of the islanders
are also given а singular hatchet job by
this downbeat Baedeker. Its invitation to
visit the fish market is accompanied by an
admonition not to "let the smell put you
oll.” Shoppers are told that Canary lace:
work resembles that of Venice, "but is
no longer found, since the last licemaker
died a few years ago, leaving no pupils"
And enthusiasts of folklore are touted
onto “a mournfully monotonous dance
called the tajaraste.”
ny of this testy tome,
we think, would be а по less mournfully
monotonous exercise for us. The conclu-
sion is inescapable that truth is not only
stranger than fiction; it frequently has
Further catalo:
all the seductive appeal of an impacted
wisdom tooth, The emulation of such
admirable but unappetizing experiments
in honesty—summoning up. as they do.
such adages as “the grass is always
browner on the other side of the fence”
—could lead only to economic disaster in
the tourist busi nd to the untimely
demise of that evocative literary genre
works always close with those
lines, “And so, as the golden
st,
less,
whose
immorta
globe of the sun sinks slowly in the w
we bid a fond adieu. er"
As long as we're island-hopping, be
advised that—according to The Mont
veal Star—"the museum in Suva, is
worth a visit, The rudder of the Bounty
is there, and a case of wooden forks once
used by Fiji cannibals when ceremonially
eating human flesh. Forks for cannibals?
"Certainly, said а Fijian museum attend
aren't savages, you know.
Francisco's garbage is slated to
the scenic Western. Pacific. Rail-
road beginning in 1971, as you might
have heard, Some 1500 tons of swill a
day will be hauled about 300 miles and
dumped in the wilderness of Lassen
Сошну, California. Feeling that the
35-car rubbish хане shouldn't 7
unnamed, the San. Francisco. Chronicle
sponsored а nme the train
Among the losing entries were The On
ion Pacific, El Crapitan, El Trash-in-Can,
Odorient Express, The California Mold
Rush, The Garbageville Trolley, ‘The
Olfal Express, The Downwind Zephyr,
The Crud Commuter, The Daily Dump-
er, The P. U. Choo Choo and ‘The Super
Slop. Runners-up were The Smells Fargo
and The Raw Trash Cannonball, The
lie Excess Express
contest.
winne
A Toronto pet shop that sells only cats
has the following sign in its window: мс
CATS ARE DANGEROUS, BUT A LITTLE PUSSY
NEVER HURT ANYONE
We extend our heartfelt sympathy to
the elderly London widow who applicd
to her insurance company for the
25
: Ma
cigarette
you
should
switch to
isa
Tall n' Slim.
The first 100mm.
low-nicotine cigar.
Available in regular
or menthol.
With a charcoal filter.
And smooth, mild
enjoyable taste.
Tally’ Slim.
The cigar for cigarette
smokers.
United States Tobacco Company,
630 Fifth Avenue, New York, М.Ү. 10020
26
proceeds from four small policies matur-
ing on her 75th birthday, and received
these instructions: "We cannot attend
to this for you until we receive your death
certificate.”
Charles Reilly, executive director of
the National Catholic Office for Radio
and Telev wants to promote reli-
gion with spot advertising. In an article
in Newsday, Reilly said, “Sunday is no
time for God; God ought to be in prime
time.”
The sexual revolution would seem to
have reached a new frontier, according
to the Chicago Sun-Times headline that
ї ITY GIRL SCOUTS WILL SO-
000 DRIVE.'"
A new and crowd-pleasing solution to
the Vietnam problem overheard during
a radio debate: “There will be no peace
until the United States recognizes the
the rightlul government of
South Viet
South Carolina’s Greenville News re-
cently took note of changes in the state's
rural residents and observed astutely,
South Carolina a few years ago, half
the people lived on farms, but today
only 50 percent do.”
Business is booming for an Encino,
California, lingerie shop that calls itself
The Booby Trap.
In Elements of Style, an English text-
book by Strunk and White, the authors
make this stylish recommendation: “The
subject of a sentence and the principal
verb should not, as a rule, be separated
by a phrase or clause that can be trans-
ferred to the beginning.
Calling it the “Ultimate Imperialist
Penetration,” The Militani—voice of
the Socialist Workers Party—i nt-
ly reports that “H. J. Heinz is peddling
pasta in Ital
"To Whom It May Concern: As a serv-
ice to those who missed it, we reprint the
following ad, placed by The Bible Bap-
tist Church of Sarasota, Florida, in the
local Herald-Tribune: achers wanted.
Must be born again, Bible-believing,
fundamental conservative Christians,
able to teach grades 1-6 or 7-8. Must be
informed patriots or willing to learn.
True liberals nced not apply.”
Smoking more and enjoying it les?
According to an A.P. dispatch from
Bloomington, Ind local police have
found a cache of four pounds of ma
juana and three pounds of horse manure.
in a suitcase, along with a recipe for
mixing the manure with the pot to
“stretch” it.
The late plumber to Queen Victoria is
the subject of a forthcoming biography,
itled Flushed with Pride. His name:
From Ohio comes the news that the
Sheraton Cleveland Hotel hosted two
conventions at the same time—the Na-
tional Association of Laymen and the
Ohio Federation, Mothers of Twins.
BOOKS
What could be more timely than a
book on the stock market, except, per-
haps, a book on how to stay out of the
stock market? Well, John Brooks hasn't
exactly written either, but his Once in Gol-
condo: A True Drama of Wall Street 1920—1938
(Harper & Row) may nevertheless have
timeliness for those who can read be-
tween the lines as cleverly as they imag-
ine they can read the stock tables. What
Brooks has done, in that cool New Yorker
manner, is to recount the Stock Ex-
changé's highilying 1920s and belly
flopping 1930s with such circumspection
that the reader is often left dangling for
a condusion. Despite this fault, there is
much of strong interest in the tales of
the Morgans, Lamonts and Kahns (the
genteelmen of the Street) and the Ben
Smiths, Jesse Livermores and Joe Kenne-
dys (the rough-andtumble types). Here
are the somewhat familiar but well-told
sagas of the stock-juggling pools, the
mirkercornerıng bull and bear raids and
the gargantuan short-selling coups. The
near-incredible story of F. D. R.'s muddled
attempt to cure deflation by beating
down the value of the dollar in relation
to gold is so tangential to a stock-market
E ory that it might have been
tossed off parenthetically; but “Gold
Standard on the Booze” leaps out as the
most engrossing piece of writing in the
book. There's а lot to mine in this
Golconda, despite its dry yeins—but in
the end, Brooks sells the ri
doting overlong on the personal tribula-
tions of Richard Whitney, 2 fallen idol
of Wall Street, instead of attempting to
discover what the regulatory consequences
of the 1920s craziness might mean if the
market should its lid again today.
Brooks writes extremely well; he just
doesnt seem to want readers to know
much of what he thinks,
Richard Condon's notion of writing a
novel about an evil genius who foresees
Prohibition and makes a multimillion-
dollar killing out of it turns out to have
been more inventive in conception than
in execution. The first half of Mile High
(Dial) is a prolonged anecdote about
the consummation of this monolithic
business deal—an anecdote that becomes
а story only when Edward West's wife
gets a series of poison-pen letters reveal-
ing her husband's penchant for beating
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up whores (who, she learns, happen to
work in houses he owns), Irene West
reacts as any wife would in a novel of
this kind: She throws herself at the most
repulsive man she can find (a character
based on Twenties gangster Arnold
Rothstein). West naturally counterreacts
by raping her, burning down their Long
Island mansion and having its
mented over. But this is by no means the
end of the story. Using his elaborate
Government, labor and Mafia connec-
tions, West unleashes the most criminal
culture the world has ever seen, but he
spends most of his time frothing in a
frenzy of fear and bout the "Com-
mies" and the “niggers.” Still with i
Well, when his good-guy son marries a
black woman, West really zaps out. In an
lan Fleming-like climax, he stalks her
through a milehigh reproduction of a
Swiss resort village (his weekend pad in
Upstate New York), with rape and mur-
der iı 4. No shortage of plot here,
obviously, but it’s damnably difficult to
give a damn about a single cl
Condon's cast of two-di
Some famous men fulfill the mathe-
matical definition of a point: They have
position without magnitude. Lord Bea-
verbrook, the press lord of England,
had both position and magnitude; and
Ithough he is not as famous now as,
ay. a lead singer with the Animals, he
was not long ago one of the moving
forces in British social and political his
tory. С for Ged Almighty (Stein & Day)
is a Wartime portrait by David Farrer
who worked for him—of this generous,
brutal, driving, inspiring, prejudiced, dan-
gerous and useful man. He dearly was
someone who applied Profesor Irwin
Corey's great axi “Hatred is good,
because without hatred, there is no joy
in revenge.” And yet, in his vacillati
support of Winston Churchill in his
bellicose identification of the fate of
England with his own ego, Beaverbrook
proved to be one of the sublime ama-
teurs of English history, one of those
growling and inefficient brutes who made
glorious even the sunset of British pow-
er. In the guise of a casual memoir, all
imbued with le sang-froid and le under-
statement anglais, David Farrer has
drawn a complex portrait of a holy mon-
one of E.
mountains. He has put him in the setti
of the touching hope of “carrying on"
during the dark davs of World War Two.
Very delicately and almost negligently,
peel EE something gra
ful and admirable of that terrible tim
delectable
history that is, oddly enough, still with us.
If Philip Roth is all ten
Jewish sensibility, then Chaim Potok
must surely be the relief of Exodus. In
continuing the story of Reuven Maler
in his latest novel, The Promise (Knopf),
lagues 10
Potok is building on the solid base of
interest created in his first novel, The
Chosen. The further adventures of Reu-
ven (Orthodox) and his fiend Danny
Saunders (Hasidic) divide into three
parts: religious, romantic
Young Keuven's struggles are with Rav
Kalman, a Yeshibah instructor whose
battles against the Nazis have left him
th little faith in anything except the
violate truth of the ‘Torah; Reuven, a
20th Century American product, is try-
to reconcile his era and his intellect
th the words of the ancients. Result:
conflict, Meanwhile, Danny Saunders, the
Hasidic psychologist, is striving to bring
а young acquaintance back from the outer
darkness of psychosis by modern thera-
means, Everything works out fine
for everybody. Reuven gets his smicha
(academic accreditation) from the reluc-
tant Ray Kalman. Г
And there is even a symbolic syncretism
of ideas in the marriage between modern.
achel Gordon and Hasidic Danny Saun-
АП this should be very interesting,
isn't. The promise offered by The
Chosen is not fulfilled by The Promise.
shadowy as are the Talmudic penctra-
so shadowy is Reuven himself. If there
пу feeling involved in giving up Ra-
chel to his friend Danny, the reader is
not made feel-
ing involved s opposition to
Rav Kalman's purism, it is devoid of
fictional dimension. The words fy up.
all right, but the spirit stays below.
The rs keep falling. Now two
books are available with photographs
that illustrate the act of intercourse: The
Photographic Manual of Sexual Intercourse
(Pent R Books), by L. R. O'Conner,
The Picture Book of Sexual Love (C)
type), by Robert L. Harkel. Both repre-
sent earnest efforts at instruction and
neither can, by any stretch of the i
nation, be considered salacious. /
parison of the two is not onl
but revealing, since the merits of
volume highlight the failings of the other.
The photographs
n O'Conners book,
for example, are flatly clinical. using as
models a couple (promotional brochures
sanctimoniously stress the fact that they
are married) who seem bored with the
whole business. Harkel’s book, on the
other hand, has tastefully erotic photo-
graphs by Arnold Skolnick, with a feel-
ing of spontancity in a few that suggests
that the young man and woman are
actually experiencing sensual pleasure.
Unfortu! the Skolnick photographs
positions for
the O'Conner manual,
and so the reader is obliged to behold
a tangle of arms, legs and bodies im
possible to unravel unless the
lar position has already been mastered
by the reader. Both books leave much to
intercourse, as.
When youre out of Schlitz, punt.
Of course, you'd never get your signals that you NFL football all season long on CBS tele-
mixed up. Out of Schlitz? Ridiculous. Schlitz — vision. When you're out of Schlitz, you're out
is the beer that’s golden aged. Schlitz brings of beer. Kick that around.
T
PLAYBOY
32
One guy got
heron
the first try.
With Yashica’s
Electro 35.
Walter Herstatt, photographer,
caught this doll—in just one exposure.
Without a flash?
Nice work, if you can get it. You
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be desired as far as the writing is con-
cerned, O'Conner, besides being a grace-
less writer, is simplistic in his thinking
("Are you a frigid woman? A frigid
man? Nonsense. There is no such thing.
You are sick.”). Harkel has a better com-
mand of the language, but he is at heart
old double-standard thinker, an advo-
cate of the superior-male philosophy. Yet,
both books arc capable of teaching a few
things to a lot of people. But because
they are expensive and not easily avail-
able, they will not reach the young men
nd women who most need reassurance
that al! nonexploitive variations on the
theme of sexual intercourse represent
healthy strivings on the part of consen-
sual individuals.
Perhaps the most obtuse line ever de-
vised to cure the public's insatiable curi-
osity about Greta Garbo was w:
1932 Vanity Fair piece by С
Luce, who predicted, “Garbo wi
forgotten as a woman in ten yea
as an actress her memory will be dead
when Helen Hayes, Lynn Fon
nd Katharine Cornell's are begin
grow greenest.” A more accurate app)
al of the lady's charisma was offered
famous 1954 article by erAvsov Contrib-
uting Editor Kenneth Tynan: “What,
when drunk, one sees in other women,
one secs in Garbo sober.” Both remarks
are quoted in Norman "Okls Garbo
(Stein & Day), the sort of publishing
event that will cheer those worshipers
who require a new biography of their
idol every four or five years, at least, Since
all Garbo biographers are severely handi-
capped by the subject's reticence, which
she transmits to her closest associates,
there are no fresh revelations to fire the
legend, and Zicrold is reduced to the
hum g task of repeating familiar
stories, naming all the illustrious people
he talked to who refused to say a word
and, at last, chitchatting about the name-
less hordes of New Yorkers who have
seen Garbo shopping in Bloomingdale's.
Zierold's one insight—and his primary
theme—is that Garbo, born Greta Gus-
tafsson, has shrewdly promoted her
imape as а brooding, mysterious recluse
while giddily jetting around with the
great and near great of two continents.
As celebrity gossip, Garbo misses some of
the choicest anecdotes about the world's
most celebrated lady in retirement. As
critical biography—despite an appendix
of all the films that few of us would care
to remember but for the presence of the
luminous Swede—the book is merely
bland, lacking Miss Luce's opinionated
bitchery апа Tynan's swift perception.
Pascal, Kierkegaard, Simone Weil and.
Tolstoy go a long way toward explaining
the sanctification of one of the liveliest
ists of this century. By his own
admission, Malcolm Muggeridge is a
theological ignoramus and, to judge
from the collection of pieces in Jesus
Rediscovered (Doubleday). his grasp of his-
tory is only slightly firmer than that of
a fairly bright college graduate. What
he does share with these four luminaries,
however, is ап unerring nose for cant
and a radical distrust of "accepicd"
саз. It is for his candor—and his pug-
nacity—that one enjoys Muggeridge. He
endears himself to us because of the
people he annoys. For example, to point
ош, in reference to heart transplants,
that only living hearts can be transplant-
ed and that, therefore, the donor cannot
be dead in the hitherto accepted sense was
enough to incur the ire of the Archbishop
of York. Similarly, when Mugseridge
made the commonsensi
that the diswibuion of free contacep-
tives is apt to occasion increased sex-
ual promiscuity, he was informed by the
Roman Catholic chaplain at the Unive
sity of Edinburgh that elderly journalists
with a gift for invective were not useful
allies in maintaining Christian standards.
Some of these pieces are rare comedy
("My True Love Hath My Heart" and
“Consensianity,” the first on heart trans-
and the second on the World
of Churches). Muggeridge's
Christianity is another matter. He is a
believer in Christ but not in the church-
es; indeed, he foresees the early demise
of institutional Christianity. He is also
quite indifferent to dogma; like Kierke-
gaard, he dismisses as irrelevant any at-
tempt to verify the historicity of Jesu;
For him, legend is more relevant and, in
that sense, more "factual" than history,
which is merely the “propaganda of the
victor.” Thus, the book of Genesis is
more prescient than the theory of evolu-
tion. Old friends, he tells us, shake their
heads over him; okl enemies speak of
aging lechers. But the sprightly style of
a Muggeridge covers a multitude of sins
in a journalist, young or old, lecherous
or chaste.
The Victorian era has been stereo-
typed as a time in which hypocrisy pre-
vailed and the flame of human sexuality
flickered fecbly in the dark. Not so,
maintains Ronald Pearsall in The Мот
in the Bud (Macmillan), а 523-page stud
of the period. It was a cruelly sup-
pressed and distorted society, symbol-
ized by the corsets women wore, which
forced their bodies into unnatural shape
with such brutality that “autopsies ofte
confirmed that livers were nearly sliced
in two by overtight lacing.” The Victori-
strictures on sex had a similar emo-
nal effect on members of the English
middle and upper classes, Because their
eds and hungers were contra-
diced by public attitudes and beliefs
about sex, many Victorians struggled des-
perately to live as they thought normal
people should. This lifelong effort to
throttle their own drives led, not infre-
quently, to emotional disintegration
С
CRICKETEER
PRESENTS
19 THINGS SOMEONE SHOULD GIVE
CONSTRUCTIVE THOUGHT TO.
‘The United States has no tin mines. Why is being a woman sufficient grounds to be
excused from jury duty in some states?
If the Polar Ice Cap keeps melting
atits present rate, the Old Union
Oyster House in Boston will be
under water by 2880 A.D.
If the worst thing in the world isn’t a warm martini
with a hairin it, what is?
What if the first woman Presi-
dent of the U.S.A. gets pregnant
in office?
What if she's single?
The telephone area code system
follows no discernable pattern.
More of Manhattan's one-way avenues
run uptown than downtown. Is life really a great oppor-
tunity for people who other-
Some psychiatrists claim wise wouldn't have had one?
that constipation is
repressed miserliness
and a headacheis
suppressed rage. 50
what's hayfever?
Ittakes 40 minutes to boil
an ostrich egg.
A male wax moth can de-
tect the smell of a female
wax moth at a range of
one mile.
Are there really schools
of albino alligators
living in the sewers of
New York? According to demographic
statistics and actuarial tables,
Marjorie Morningstar will
become a grandmother within
the next 12 months.
W.C. Fields owned one
of the world's largest
private libraries
of theological works.
Is a second job really
"The Universe is the answer for too much
receding. leisure time?
d 1972.
General Mills, General
Motors, General Foods,
General Rubber, General
Baking, General Bronze,
General Dynamics,
General Electric, General While we're suggesting
Glass, General Insurance, some of the things you
General Cigar, General should Ce s
Precision, Genera! __ Ex re phe
"Telephone, General Tire, wool sportcoat with
General Wine & Spirits, Etc. matching vest and
Ef TES coordinating slacks.
Is this sufficient pouce E ahari
evidence of a Generals’ Plot?
with deep center vents.
Outfit: About $90. Sport
coat only: About $55.
For store nearest you,
write: Cricketeer, 1290
Avenue of the Americas,
New York, N.Y. 10019.
‘Trial Marriages.
takes its own good
E
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5
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3
В
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a
E
Lights easy—
has something nice to say about the aroma.)
-smoker, you should know that Bond Street is one of them.
A single pipeful, in fact, should last long enough for the little woman
to finish up the lawn (depending, of course, on the size of the lawn).
of plugs and flakes that delivers a smooth and steady glow.
(And if your neigibor's wife drops over, don't be surprised if she
If you think you're lazy, forget it. You're probably a
speed demon compared to your pipe tobacco.
a pipe
You'll certainly enjoy the taste of Bond Street. It's a rich combination
There are some things in this world that you just can't rush. If you're
and even madness, as in the case of John
Ruskin, But Eros in Victorian times had.
two faces looking in opposite directions.
Some men resolved the conflict by culti-
ng subterranean sex, refining per
versions with great skill. And among
the poorer classes, sex flourished with a
raw, amoral vitality that makes today's
sexual revolurion seem like a popgun
going off in the nursery. Despite Pear-
sall's proclivity for clichés, his cool, de-
iled chronicle makes history come alive
and portrays authentic and recognizable
human beings not much different from
ourselves. By contrast, The Memoirs of on
Frotic Bookseller (Grove), by Armand Cop-
pens, ostensibly a true account of a Bek
gian bookdealer's trafic in. pornography,
proves to be a witless exercise in self-
expresion by a man who probably
knows how to read but certainly not how
10 write. Going through his memoirs is
like looking at an atrocious amateur
phou pher’s family album; few of the
subjects were worth photographing and
all the pictures are out of focus.
If ever a book deserved to be called
dirty, it’s Life om Mon (Viking), by Dr
"Theodor Rosebury. Bactcriologist Rosc-
bury goes beyond sex to write about the
last of the taboo topics: human exere
tion. In dealing with what must surely
nk as one of the most unpromising sub-
jects imaginable, Dr. Rosebury achieves
near miracle. His book a delight.
With wry humor and flawless taste, he
takes thé reader on a journey that at
first seems to be merely а fascinating
and instructive exploration of the in
visible world of the robes that live in
and on man’s body. But gradually, the
пог zeroes in on the specimen he is
really afier—nor man's microbes but
man himself. He reveals a creature who
is profoundly selfdleceived and desper
ately intent on denying the truth about
the organs of his body, how they func:
tion and what they produce. Man, how-
ever, has not always been so alienated
from his biological nature; and Dr. Rose-
bury draws on science, history and liter
ture to document a curious evolution
from natural primitivism to unnatural
civilization. The idea of dirt as carth is
replaced by the idea of dirt as filth; and
ү failing to discriminate between dirt
and disease, modern man cuts himsell off
from a true understanding of the world
of nature. To Dr, Rosebury, nothing
that is natural—and not diseased—can
be obscene, Obscenity lies in the perve
sion of biological truth by social manipu-
lators. “Is it you who ‘offend’ or the
adman who offends against you? Is it the
healthy body . . . or the exhalations of
automobiles and smokestacks? 15 it
‘obscenities’ hurled by unarmed civili
or the swinging night sticks and billow-
ing nausea gas of helmeted and masked
police? Is it normal microbes or pervert-
ей men?" Life on Man argues tor
rejection of hypocr
ol
y: uninhibited use
all honest Anglo-Saxon words, unem:
barrased acceptance of all our natural
functions and an end to the cult of
cleanliness. To any collector of graflti, a
new phrase cam be suggested: DR. THEO-
DOR ROSEBURY DOESN'T GIVE A T FOR
MR. CLEAN.
In N and June, 1968, an ominous
event took plice—the trial in Federal
Court in Boston of five en on the
ge of eng; ng con-
acy to aid, abct and counsel viola-
tions of the Selective Service Act." "They
were Dr. Benjamin Spock, Yale chaplain
ging in a "conti
ington, D.C. These were five amon
тапу adults opposed to the war in
nam who also felt it their responsibility
to support any young man who had decid
ed to resist the draft. The importance of
the trial was the use by the United States
Government of the vague language of
conspiracy statute 10 punish present. dis-
sent and to inhibit future dissent—or so
ihe accused and their supporters saw
it, Nonetheless, except in The Washing-
ton Post and а very few other places,
coverage of the trial was sketchy. For the
this defect in the histori.
Gil record has now been admirably reme-
Mitlord's. The Trial of Dr.
tly, lucidly and with
mordant wit, she fills in the individu-
al backgrounds of the five defendants,
the context of active resistance. 10 the
war, the genesis of the Government's
decision to act against “the Boston Five"
and the cramped events of the trial it-
self, at which four of the five defendants
were found guilty. In analytic narrative
nd in interviews with many of the ma-
jor figures, including some members of
the jury, Jessica Mitford has placed this
in animated perspective, In July of
this year, the Federal Court of Appeals
reversed the convictions of the four who
were found guilty, but ruled that Coffin
and Goodman would have to stand trial
again. One of the thee judges on that
Cour of Appeals, Judge Frank Collin
(no rekuion), disemed, insisting tha
all the defendants should have been
wholly acquitted. "No one, I take it,” he
warned, “supposes that this will be the
last attempt by the Government 10 use
the conspiracy weapon. The Government
has east a wide net and. caught only two
fish, ... There is the greater danger that
the casting of the net has scared away
many whom the Government had no
right to catch."
When Billy Tully, a broken-down box-
er, stops in a bar 10 eat а pickled pigs
foot accompanied by a glass of port
wine, you can be sure that Leonard
Gardner, the author of Fat City (Farrar,
Whenever you feel
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DEL
Straus & Giroux), didn't just make up
Tully or that meal. It is the quality of
total, intimate, multidimensional knowl-
edge of people and places that gives his
first novel its impact. In the flophouse
hotels, skid-row bars and basement gyms
of Stockton, California, the lives of Tully
and a would-be fighter ned Ernie Mun-
ger intersect for a brief, pathetic time
Under the aegis of а well-meaning but
barely competent manager. Tully essays
а comeback and Munger tries to start a
ring career. In a series of searing scenes
—a fghter's dressing room in a seedy
clumsy lovemaking on a river
. à backbreaking day of farm labor
—author Gardner lays his people's lives
open to the bone. Like characters in
some clubcircuit Greek tragedy, Tully
and Munger struggle for their manhood
against what they dimly sense js the
bleak destiny ordained for them by what-
ever gods may be. What redeems them—
though they cannot ever win in life —is
the indestructibility of their delusions.
Gardner's tough prose, sometimes as jolt
ing as a left jab, makes vivid both men’s
dreams and the dusty drabness into
which they are crushed by reality.
In order to pry out the truths of an
Presidential campaign, the
good reporter has to be a spy. He ought
to be invisible. Unfortunately, Theodore.
H. White blew his cover long ago. Now
when lie comes along, the politicians are
ready for him, playing to him, perhaps
even using him. Or so it seems from The
Making of the President 1968 (Athencum).
The Robert Finch episode is one exam-
ple. White's book created a news break
by reporting that Finch had actually been
Nixon's first choice as Vice-President.
Finch, fearing a ery of political nepotism,
refused, Hence, the selection of Agnew
—according to White. Now consider the
version in Ап American Melodramo—The
Presidential Campaign of 1968 (Viking), by
three bright young Englishmen, Lewis
Chester, Godfrey Hodgson and Bruce
Page, whose cover stayed intact through-
out the operation. They assert that Ag-
as in Nixon's mind as early as
“John Sears, Nixon's delegate re-
aisance man, subsequently told us
that Nixon finally decided on Agnew ten
days before the convention.” Thus, the
possibility suggests itself that the Finch
story was handed exclusively to Teddy
White. Why? Well, how could it hurt if
it came out six months after the Inaugu-
ration (from a best-selling source) that
Finch, a liberal, had always been Nixon's
first choice? ‘That just might succor the
liberals of the country at a time when
they needed to be succored (suckered?).
The forgotten man of 1968, Hubert
Humphrey, is the only one of the central
political figures who is covered with
more depth by White than by the three
Englishmen, In a demonstration of group
journalism at its best, Messrs. Chester,
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Hodgson and Page outdo White on all
other [ronts—in their dissection of the
candidates, the issues and the mood grip-
ping the American public during the
tumultuous year. Part of Teddy White’
problem is that he seems constitutionally
le to say a bad word about any of
leading actors in the 1968 psycho-
He even took notes dutifully as
Nixon's TV man, Frank Shakespeare
(now head of USIA), explained how it
was decided to show Nixon "sponta-
neously, with no rehearsal, in a serious
posture, with a mixed bag of questions,
letting him get down to that one-to-one
approach where he is more relaxed, and
which is what TV is all about.” This
does not exactly squire with what we
saw of those Nixon panel shows staged
fter the nomination, which were about
as spontaneous as a George Wallace
smile. Nor does it square with Joc Mc
Ginniss account of the Nixon campa
assy book, The Selling of the Pre:
dent 1968 (Trident). McGinniss м he
most successful spy of them all. The
Nixon people, in a colossal suspension of
judgment, took McCinniss, an ex-Phila-
newspaper columnist, to be one
of them. They provided him with per-
sonal stall memos, let him sit behind the
scenes at TV productions and. permitted
him to listen in on indiscreet conversi-
tions. The result is a hilarious Nixon
Confidential.
(Young Man Luther, Identit
Crisis) has achieved а remarkable synthe-
sis of psychoanalysis and history i
Truth (Norton). The book is a cha
examination of multiple themes— the
igins of militant nonviolence" (its sub.
; the responsibilities and dyn:
of middle age; the nature of charism:
and the affinities between Gandhi
"truth. force" and “the insights of mod.
crn psychology.” Erikson has chosen as
the focal point of his study an event
that took place in 1918 in the industrial
Indian city of Ahmedabad. It was there
that Gandhi, involved in a labor dispute
between textile workers and millowners,
first used in India—in an intensive,
vay—the nonviolence that
n a national leader.
Erikson goes further back to explore
Gandhi's initial experiments with civil
obedience in South Africa, and he
is enlightening about Indian cultural
and psychological modes of thought and
behavior. Rigorously, though with gener
osity of spirit, Erikson underlines funda
mental contradictions in Gandhi’s life
and thought, But he ends by plumbing
the essence of the continuing potential
in what has been taught us by this
ап man engaged in politics but
aspiring to sainthood.” In a tooshort
summing up, building on psychoanalysis
and animal behavior as well as on
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Gandhian precepts, Erikson has writicn
what is surely the prolog to another
book in which he will try to demonstrate
how man can eventually transcend trib-
al, regional and racial "pseudospeciation'"
and finally recognize that “mankind is
one species.” Obviously, man is not yet
ble of an “albuman identity"; but if
this condition is ever achieved, a primary
precursor will have been Gandhi. And
for an understanding of that man, Erik
Erikson's Gandhi's Truth is indispensable.
ca
Weiting for the News (Doubleday) is the
second book by Leo Litwak, a writer
who has been much praised for stories,
reportage and his first book. This one
gives him an important place among the
writers of his gencration. It's an intense,
grinding and relentless story of hope and
revenge, based firmly on the reality of
labor wars and family struggle. Elements
of the stories of Ocdipus and Jimmy
Hoffa have been paradoxically linked:
There are blindness and family longing,
and there are fatrumped racketeers slop-
ing over their stools in the Cream of
Michigan, a Detroit hangout for mob-
sters, murderers for hire and murder-
ers for fun. Women crawl and grovel,
sons howl and cringe, the world turns
toward war—and litwak's strict prose
keeps these matters in proportion, un-
pretty and uncomplaining, The novel
gives a vivid sense of growing up in that
time just before World War Two, not
through nostalgic recollection but through
a strongly knit tale; and it tells the gritty
and somber side of the labor battles of
those days. It does this, without doctrine
or theory, by means of story and, there-
fore, has dcep meaning, in morc ways
than one. Men disappcar into concrete or
into a lake—or into sulky self-indulgence
—and the differences are made clear. It's
» unique achievement to have distilled the
experience of labor wars into a pattern
that is both original and classic, devoid of
bitterness but with strong feeling, with a
deep desire for a decent world and an
unflinching regard for the world that
actually exists. Waiting is strongly mascu-
line and melodramatic in tone. Its trath
value is high and its staying power will
be considerable.
Twenty-seven of Alberto Moravia's
more recent short stories, all penned
without frills or flourishes, have been
collected in Command, and I Will Obey You
(Farrar, Straus & Giroux). PLAYBOY read-
crs will recognize four of the lean, hard
tales as having first appeared in these
pages.
DINING-DRINKING
Four wise (add young and hustling)
men of Manhattan—Al Stillman, Ben
Benson, Ernie Kalman and Larry Hor-
ton—are slowly, inexorably and profit-
ably arranging the days of the week to
program imum pleasure for New
York's easily bored young singles and
doubles. First to open was Friday's, a
make-out bar d'estime; then Thursday's,
а class restaurant chat avoids being vul-
garly sy," then Wednesday's, an un-
derground version of Copenhagen's
Tivoli and, most recently, Tuesday's,
where patrons wax nostalgic over the
Good Old Days that ended before they
were born. Friday's (1152 First Avenue),
the “swinging singles” bar that started
off the rearranged calendar, serves some
food but specializes in draft beer. On
Sunday, Fridays serves a champagne
brunch for $2.50, and the waiters and
bartenders all change into clean Rugby
shirts in honor of the occasion. "Thurs-
day's (334 East 73rd Street) strikes а
more serious note, with first-rate Conti-
nental cuisine and moderate to high
prices. The decor leans a bit too heavily
in the direction of alienated chic, but
don't kt the stainless-steel and black
walls get you down. The food is good
and the service is not only prompt and
precise but downright friendly. Thurs-
day's features some very Babylonian des
sers; but after the main course, you
may be just as happy to try a piece of
thetr strawberry custard pie, which is
absurdly delicious. Open for dinner
only. You should, of course, make reser-
vations. Moving on back through our
reversed week, we come to Wednesd.
(210 East 86th Sucet), where the whole
concept is a stunner: It's a huge MGM
musical set of a European village, with
the prerequisite cafés, shops, prome-
nades and all the other trimmings
stretching through a blocklong bas
ment. The dancing areas and the eateries
are set off by authentic street lamps
that once helped keep Gramercy Park
mouggerfree. A bandstand with plaster
cupids is at the far end of a village
square. Fanning out on either side are:
The Garden of Bucci, an Italian café
in stuccoed arches: The Cellar Door, an
English pub serving breads, cheeses and
wines of all sorts; Louic’s Seafood Bar,
which offers shrimps, crab fingers and
lobsters in a bucket; Jeudi’s, a dimly
lit den finished in J uc Godard
stainless steel; and Harry’s American
where you can eat a $1.50 ham-
burger under Tifany lump shades and
feel like an expatriate. You and your
date can ako meander across the square
to the penny arcade and fool with
Wednesdays bowling machine, com.
puter quiz games and nickclodcons, or
put a penny into a “moviestar ma-
chine" for an autographed picture of
Vera Hruba Ralston, As for "Tuesday's
(190 Third Avenue), it's the kind of
musty mooschead joint that Evelyn
(“The Girl on the Red Velvet Swing”)
Nesbit might have frequented alter a
hard day of testifying at the murder
trial of her husband, Harry K. Thaw.
In fact, Tuesday's has its own red-velvet
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PLAYBOY
40
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any Yello-Bole pipe. The newhoney
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If not, return the pipe with
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we put honey in the bowl
swing above its handsome old bar. Down-
irs at Tuesday's, there is а cool speak-
asy-disco, where you can take refuge
fr tures of corsered deville
tarts and the old st nucklers
on the first floor. is made
through an antique phone booth, just
like you've seen in the movies. Rumor
has it that the owners also hive dibs on
Monday, Sunday and Saturday: perhaps
they should plan a trilevel watering hole
called The Long Weekend.
MOVIES
Italy's formidable Federico Fellini di-
rected the final segment of Spirits of the
Dead, a three-part omnibus film based on
sores from Edgar Allan Ро
Poe to the mercies of a motley Franco:
alo American crew is the sort of in
spiration that springs forth, soaked
Campari, when international film folk
linger 100 long at cale tables on the Vi
ne, Fellini's sequence
. а cinematic tour de force
titled Тору Dammit (or, in stumbling
translation, Never Bet the Devil Your
Head) ring England's Terence
Stump as drunken movie маг Toby, who
waves to Rome to play а Christiike
characte religious western. Freely
adapted for Fellini's high purposes, th
tale is a neat put-on of films and filming,
celebrity cults and social disorder, com-
bined with a horrific sketch of Satan as a
blonde, leering child who looks like Al-
ice іп Wonderland and bounces a ir
white ball across the actors path while
she coutrives to relieve him of his I 1.
Fellini here creates a nether world so
richly fantastic and so entirely his own
that опе surrenders to it without ques-
tion and gets hooked fast on a hypnotic
performance by Stamp, who cim stack
this against anything he has ever done.
The remainder of Spirits is amateu
night compared with the FelliniStamp
director
showpiece, In. Metzengerstein,
Roger Vadim casts his wife,
opposite her broth
her in a number of outrageously camp
medieval costumes to flesh out a yarn
filled with burning barns, gallopi
weeds and fiery sexual symbolism, Tt
seems to have been patched together
with rejected fuc from Barbarella
Writerdircaor Louie Malle's dubbed ver-
sion of the Poe dassic William Wilson
goes awry, too—with Alain Delon as th
tormented sinner who ultimately slays his
girl
who gambles her favors in а game of
cards With Malle indling the sus-
pense, both performers run. ош of luck,
Malle's piece is le:
erotic jucenilia, but still only a cui
raiser for the master, Fellini.
Iter ego and Brigitte Bardot as
Rich in texture and so headily spiced
with erotic adventure that one can al-
most inhale the stuff, Justine is superb
movie entertainment, a pop classic all
the way, though it will undoubtedly
appall readers who consider Lawrence
Durrell’s Alexandria. Quartet to be one
of the great literary achievements of the
century. To do absolute justice to Dur-
rell would require a complex four
decker film, each with а different hero
or heroine dominating the author's in
into the nature of modern
love and diplomatic intrigue, as pr
ticed by some fascinati characters
whose destinies collide in Alexandri.
pt. circa. 1938. Adapter Lawrence B
veteran direcior George
kor wisely chose to preserve the sense
Marcus. and.
С
of mystery and excitement, unfolding
exotic tapesry without pausing to
disentangle every thread of plot, and
topping it all with Anouk Aimee in the
1 smoky presence who need
flick am суем to establish he
identity as а swinging soul sister to the
ancient queens of Byzantium. As Dur-
те» provocative Egyptian Jewess, a
“sex turnstile” who dallies wih a
umber of distinguished men while she
and her husband (John Vernon) are
smuggling arms imo British-held. Pales
tine, she is perlectly сам. Well
that Durrell called Quartet “a
poem,” Cukor uses modern Tunis and
its splendid environs as stand-in for the
teeming Alexandria of three decades
go—a mosaic of gilded palaces, voluptu
ous cunivals, dens of iniquity, back al-
leys. seascapes. muddy estates along the
Nile, seedy meeting places for passionate
strangers and, in one bizarre sequence,
а bordello employing child prostitutes,
V viewer who tries to cateh every nuance
of sociopolitical chi will find
Justine elliptical at times, but may
nonetheless be seduced by it, like the
Englishman Darley (strongly played by
Michael York), that “sensitive yo
poet trying to cope with a city that has
come to terms with human obscenity.’
Playing familiar voles in a superlative
supporting сам азс: George Baker as
Mountolive and Seve Darden as Bal
thazar, both removed 10 the periphery
of the tale; Dirk Bogarde, brilliant as
the леа Pi Чеп, whose woes
include an incestuous attachment to his
blind sister: France's Philippe Noiret, in
rare Геше a blundering Pombal
and Auna Kuina as the sickly belly
dancer, Melissa, puffing hashish, тас
ly selling herself and often threatening
to walk away with the picture, even in
this accomplished company. While Jus
dines virtues. hearken back to an old
tradition of melodramatic moviemaking,
they deserve our gratitude for keeping
that tradition ct
Before seeing Alice's Restourent, di
rected and co-authored by Arthur (Bor
nie and Clyde) Penn, moviegoers who
are out of touch with the pop-music
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scene should listen to Arlo Guthrie's
long-playing record hit of 1967, Alice’s
Restaurant Massacrce. On the disc, a
shrewd folk monolog that begins and
ends with the doggerel title song, Guth-
rie describes one memorable Thanksgiv-
ing Day visit with some flower people
who owncd a restaurant and lived in
an abandoned church in Stockbridge,
Massachusetts, Before the day is out,
Arlo is arrested for littering, clapped
into jail and subsequently conyicted—
thereby acquiring a police record that
comes in handy when he is called to be
examined for the draft, You can read
all about it in this issue, Alice and Ray
and Yesterday's Flowers, on page 120. On
film, all the original material retains at
least a trace of its quirky charm (be-
cause the movie was shot in Stockbridge,
with Guthrie playing himself, as does
William Obanhein, the celebrated Chief
Obie, who made the pinch in the great
litterbug scandal). Though less than an
actor, Guthrie is certainly a contender
as the most disarmingly oddball movie
hero of our time, his face a map of the
open road, creased by a childlike grin
and surrounded by kinky shoulder-
length curls, More's the pity that Penn,
who had a lot going for him, chose
to compromise the easy impudence
of Guthrie's ballad by using it as thc
springboard to a sad little soap opera
Get to a pleasant country-music score).
Penn devotes several sequences to the
death of Arlo's father, the late Woody
Guthrıe—a name writ large in the pan-
theon of American folk song—from a
disease known as Huntington's chorea,
‘The rest of the film explores the hapless
existence of Alice and Ray (played with
hearty good humor by Pat Quinn and
James Broderick), a hippie couple whose
elforts to establish a community of kin-
dred souls are as disheartening as their
venture into the restaurant business,
Alice's infidelities complicate life, for
she tends to be distracted from home
cooking by attractive males who use her
church as a crash pad. Her particular
ness is for a straightened-out junkie
(Michael McClanathan) whose relapse
and death take the edge off everyone's
illusions about freedom and joy. Alice’s
Restaurant is two movies in one, so un-
naturally grafted that it is impossible to
like both of them. Admirers of Guthrie
may respond on principle to the film's
apparent acceptance of free love, anti-
war protests and marijuana; but a closer
look will reveal that Penn subtly patron-
izes his hippie characters, commenting
on their strange clothes and tribal rituals,
rather than joining the celebration. (Per-
sons impelled to try the dishes served.
at the famous restaurant are directed to
Alice's Restaurant Cookbook [Random
House], wherein the original Alice Brock
sets forth her down-home recipes in
funky style. We don't guarantee the
cuisine, but Alice comes across as good
people.)
A year or so ago, a fine thing hap-
pened to Charlton Heston on the way
to the Forum. Shucking sandals and toga,
he teamed up with w ector Tom
Gries to deliver the performance of
career in a dandy western called Will
Penny. This season, Heston and Gries
almost do it again, each putting his best
foot forward with Number One—the sto-
ry of a jockstrapping star quarterback,
aged 40, who begins to drink a lot and
chase around a little as he nears the end
of his career in pro football. The ques-
tion is, will big "Cat" Catlan quit the
league while he's still a sometime win-
ner, or play out his aching muscles and
fading luck as long as they last? There's
not much more to the plot than that,
but Heston brings crisp intelligence го
his role as thc hungup middle-aged hero
who starts looking back and wondering
whether the best years of his life were all
that good. Filming in and around New
Orleans, on and off the field with the
New Orleans Saints—whose players add
some authentic team spirit—director
Gries (abetted by scenarist David Mocs-
singer) casts a critical eye on the world
of big-time professional sports. The men
who really love the game, or need it for
ego support, are used up and thrown
away, while the smart ones go into com-
puter programming or invest in an auto
dealership. In the case of Number One,
life is complicated by problems at home
with a glossy wife (Jessica Walter) who
prefers a career in fashion to being a
football widow, and spends too much
time whipping up yardage with her fag-
got friends. One complaint: Haven't we
had enough of the helicopter ending—
that long, long receding shot at a climac.
tic moment, when the airborne camera
moves up, up and away into the cosmos?
Peter Falk, during his latest outing as
a cynical sergeant in World War Two,
leans toward an unidentified sound and
asks, “Did you hear a scream—a woman,
or an eagle or a world coming to an
end?" Thar sort of talk is spread out
wall to wall in Castle Keep, which begins
war comedy, a fairy
tale sprinkled liberally with four letter
words, and ends in а barrage of preten.
usly poetic pieties. To speak the eter
nal verities—beauty vs. destruction and
all that—Patrick O'Neal plays a famous
art historian, one of a handful of Ame
can Gls billeted in a Tenth Century
Belgian castle in the Ardennes Forest
The time is winter, 1944. Hitler's troops
are moving up fast, yet virtually every
Yank takes time out to dramatize the
hypothesis that men (well, Americans,
any rate) instinctively choose the
ies of life over the certainties of death.
One soldier becomes hopelessly enar
огей of a captured Volkswagen; several
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others opt for the more conventional
ue whorehouse in
k moves right
wile (because
bread is life, or something like that).
Meanwhile, back at the castle, an impo
tent French nobleman (Jean-Pierre Au-
mont) shares his wife (lissome Astrid
Hecren) with the American major. indo-
lently played by Burt Lancaster in а
sizable Bel age were constructed,
then blown to smithereens in a surrealis-
tic battle scene.
Freshman director Bernard (Krakatoa,
East of Java) Kowalski attempts a com-
plete change of pace in Seno, adapted
from the Harold Robbins novel about
love and lust in the Mafia. As the profes-
sional killer who discovers that an oc
sional knifing acts as a stimulant to hi
sex life, laconic Alex Cord is blade
smooth. He'd have to be, to cut through.
the psychological thickets of his role as
an ordinary Sicilian kid who beats a rape.
charge in his youth, and owes an open-
end debt to the Mafia chieftain (Jo-
seph Wiseman) who saved h
him up in Мапһ sani
luxurious fore
his penthouse, his swimmi
his t in racing and
d and blac
ага McNair), it’s small
wonder that Cord decides he would like
to sever his Mafia tics and settle respect-
ably into the jet set. Thus, the hit man
ued by an
nd an embittered
trick O'Neal again) from
ng top of Manhattan to luxur
resorts in Puerto Rico. Director Kowal-
ski, saddled with a script that is plainly
headed nowhere in particular in scarch
of some plansible violence for the climax,
helps Stiletto get there with considerable
dash and style. Grabbiest scene is a show-
down between Barbara and members of
the Mafia's Harlem franchise, who make
the Panthers look like tame tabbies.
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amille and her nude lover, Armand
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ector Radley Metzger. (Therese
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erotica. Less can be said for the quality
ranges from mockliterary archaisms
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of men she has ruined”) to outright
guttersni Sometimes the latter is
rudely amusing. Stewing about a rival
and a former lover, Camille says, “She
ave him the clap.” To which a jaded
friend replies, "Nobody's perfect."
A smashingly beautiful English girl
(Jacqueline Bisset) arrives at a château
in the French countryside, pretending to
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а pregnant Long Island housewife, so
desperately frustrated in the search for
self that she climbs into the family sta
tion wagon and undertakes an American
odyssey, heading toward the Pennsylva
nia Turnpike and points west. En route,
amid fine location shooting, she picks up
a traveling companion, a former college-
football hero (James Caan) who wears a
silver plate in his skull as the result of
an injury that left him somewhat fecble-
minded. Before her search comes to a
disastrous halt, she also tries making it
with a horny traffic cop (Robert Du
уай) whom she encounters ош in the
cat Midwest Duvall is ballsy in his
minor role. Саап arresting but shackled
by an underdeveloped part, though bou
make excellent foils for Shirley, who says
all that need be said about the kind of
girl who has nursed her neurotic com
pulsions through years of unsuccessful
therapy. Whether Coppola intends to
characterize his Rain People as victims of
society or simply as their own worst
enemies is a well-kept secret of the sce-
io, which dwells on swift flashbacks,
ic intercutting and all the modem
nerisms that pass for "new cinema."
Setting up Madison Avenue in black.
face аз a target for satire saps the energy
of Putney Swope, which is recklessly adver
tised as "the truth and soul movie.” In
fact, it's a sophomoric effort designed to
tickle the hell out of audiences willing to
bend over blackward. A black cat named
Swope (gravel-throated Arnold Johnson)
takes charge of а mammoth advertising,
agency, hales in a black brother to shake
things up and, finally, without meaning
to, makes the point that all establish-
ment institutions are essentially damag-
ing as well as idiotic, In other words, the
system cannot be saved by an account
exec of another color. Nor can a black
comedy be saved by the obvious switch
of putting whites into inferior roles as
harassed parlormaids and messengers
The funniest bits in Putney Swope ате
the spoofs of TV commercials—an inte-
grated couple plugging skin creams in
Central Park, a black workingman
muttering profanities over his breakfast
cereal—and some lighthearted obscenity
concerning an agency eccentric known as
Sonny, whose misdeeds provoke а llood
of interoflice communications (“He ex-
posed himself on The Dating Game").
But writer-director Robert Downey, who
the past has improvised such impu-
dent underground movies as No More
Excuses, mostly thrashes at his subject
with the frantic zaniness of an ama-
y old way,
teur, shooting any old thin
and to hell with pace, timing and pol-
ished performances. A hilarious state
ment about black power is no doubt
possible, but Downey misses it this time.
U.S. A., 1968, provides the backdrop
for Medium Cool, with scenes filmed in a
Fiat 124 Sport Coupe $2940. _
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Los Angeles hotel kitchen, in Appalachia,
in Washington, D. С Resurrection City
а in Chicago during the bloody Demo-
ic Convention riots. Movies have
ken to firming up their fiction with
hard facts, and Medium Cool relies on
documentary footage to quicken a drama
that is unique, uneven, eve-grabbing and.
in its special way, triumphant. The up-
tothe minute method of the film is to
pluck out the livid thread of violence
in American life and weave it through
the sensibility of a Chicago-based TV
news cameraman. It is а method pursued
with high intelligence and originality by
writer-director Haskell Wexler, making
his debut behind the megaphone after a
string of notable successes as a Holly
wood cinematographer (capped by In the
Heat of the Night and Who's Afraid
of Virginia Woolf?, for which he took
home ап Oscar). Wexler's hero (Robert
Forster) is initially a less than sympa-
thetic character, serious about his work
but often insensitive to the deeper hu-
man truths in the events he covers. At
the scene of an accident, he photographs
a female victim in the carnage, before
phoning for an ambulance. Wexler sees
the violence in virtually everything,
even a boisterous nude love scene be-
tween the cameraman and one of his
steady lays (Marianna Hill), a nurse who
is turned on sexually by watching bruis-
ers at the Roller Derby. Medium Cool
blows a bit of its own ing to relate
large social issues to the photographer's
affair with a penny-plain deserted wife
from Appalachia, who is living in the
slums of South Side Chicago with her
young son. As the lonely woman, busty
Verna Bloom plays to perfection oppo-
site Forster, who comes on like a
latter-day John Garfield. (pLayooy read-
ers will note that Playmate China Lee has
а role in the film.) Despite the photog-
rapher's assignment to the convention
er, the tragedy that befalls
the last reel scems dramati-
cally arbitrary and scarcely pertinent
to the depredations of Mayor Daley's
shock troops. Yet the film’s flaws as a
story become secondary to its elective
ness as fleeting, jagged mirror images of
а society in conflict.
If it accomplished nothing else, The
learning Tree—produced, directed and
adapted for the screen by award-winning
photographer Gordon Parks from his
own autobiographical novel—would mark
out a new frontier for black aspirations
in the arts, Parks, who also composed
a rather literal symphonic suite for the
sound track of his first film feature,
did everything he could on his project
except load and shoot the cameras and
develop the film. Ironically, the strong:
est criticism that might be leveled at
the movie is that the pictorially stun
ning color cinematography (by Burnett
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ADVERTISEMENT
PICASSO'S
ENGRAVI
т March 16, 1968,
Pablo Picasso, the pre-eminent artist of our
time, commenced work on a series of en-
gravings that he predicted would become “my
most sought-after-and possibly scandalous—
work." They were to be a series of pictures
portraying every aspect of sexual pleasure.
Picasso had wanted to create such a series for
over 65 years, he confided to Aldo Crom-
melynck, his engraving-press printer, and he
intended it to stand as “ап abiding celebration
of life itself."
For nearly seven months Picasso worked
in a creative frenzy at his studio in Mougins,
France, turning out as many as four engravings
ina single day, often with as many as six varia-
tions of cach. “Ole!”, “Bravo!”, “Magnifico!”,
he would exclaim as each new engraving was
pulled from the press, and so ecstatic was he
Over the quality of the work that on several
occasions he summoned friends from as far off
as London and New York to view the work in
progress. Finally, on October Sth, he bundled
the engravings together, inscribed them with
the title “347 Gravures," and announced “Ya!”
(“It is finished!"),
The engravings Picasso had created are,
collectively, his masterwork, a fitting climax
to the career of a man whose dedication, both
in personal life and work, has been to the
sensual. “Without the awakeningof ardent love,
nolife—and therefore по art- hasany meaning,"
Picasso is quoted by his biographer, Roland
Penrose, as saying. And nowhere in the prodi-
gious, 20,000-piece oeuvre of this fertile genius
has ardent love been more beautifully—or joy-
fully portrayed. Throughout the engravings
Voluptuous majas surrender themselves, lustful
satyrs disport, and troupes of swooning acro-
bats perform in a circus of love, Picasso’s irre-
pressible love of mischief is in evidence, too, in
scenes of grandees cuckolded, harems invaded,
and models seduced by lecherous painters. The
last theme is the one most often repeated in
the series, with the painters puckishly made to
resemble Rembrandt, Raphael, and, of course,
Picasso himself. (Picasso's life long friend, Max
Jacob, has said, “Picasso would much rather
be remembered as a famous Don Juan than an
artist.") All in all, Picasso's “347 Gravures"
reflect such consummate craftsmanship, time-
Jess subject matter, and sublime inspiration as
toensure their place as the greatest art treasure
of the 20th Century.
If the artistic value of “347 Gravures” is
considerable, its commercial valuc is perhaps
even greater. The engravings, which have been
printed in a limited edition of 50 sets, have
fetched a price of ten million dollars. This is
more than has ever before been paid for a work
ofart. Moreover, because of rumors that circu-
lated throughout the art world concerning the
superexcellence of the engravings, all 50 sets
were subscribed to even before Picasso had
finished making them!
Art critics who have seen the engravings
have been positively apostolic in their praise,
“These etchings reach the zenith of man’s
creative power. They rank with "Hamlet,
Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, and Michel-
angelo's ‘Last Judgment.” That is to say, they
are classic," says Robert Glauber, of Skyline.
LIFE: “Picasso’s most trenchant exploration
of sex and scauality...As never before, the
master seems bent on describing that idyllic
state wherein the spirit and flesh are one.”
Herald-Tribune (Paris): “A major undertaking
~amazing...extraordinary...staggerit
ble. Picasso's brilliance conquers ай.
A virtuoso performance." Armand St. Clair,
Revue de Paris: “Mesmerizing...ItT had a choice
among all the works Picasso has produced, 1
would take this one withont hesitation.” Franz
Schulze, Chicago Daily News: “What a differ-
ence between Picasso’s view of sex and the
Sniggering, guilt-ridden American pornography
of today.” Brian Fitzherbert, Nova: “Once
again, Picasso demonstrates his astounding
power of regencration.” Harold Joachim, Cur-
ator of Prints, Art Institute of Chicago: “As-
tonishing...A compelling testimony of Picasso's
amazing energy and power of invention at the
age of 87." Harold Haydon, Chicago Sun-
Times: “A great surprise package Unparalleled
for sustained interest and quality.” Pierre
Cabanne, Plexus: “The Last Will and Testament
of the father of modern art."
1 is with great pride,
therefore, and humility, that the edi
Avant-Garde announce that their maj
been chosen as the medium through which
Picasso's monumental new work will be shown
to the world. Picasso’s Paris representative, the
Societe de la Propriete Artistique, has ap-
pointed Avant-Garde as the sole proscenium
for presentation of the quintessence of “347
Gravures." Mindful of the awesome responsi-
bility that this singular honor imposes, the
editors of Avant-Garde have spared neither
expense nor effort to ensure that “347 Gra-
vures” receives the premiere it deserves.
To begin with, an entire issue of Avant-
Garde 64 pages—will be devoted exclusively
to this one subject. The issue will carry no
advertising. The world’s foremost graphic de-
signer, Herb Lubalin, has been retained to
design this special issue. Costly antique paper
stocks and flame-set colored inks will be used
throughout. The issue will be printed by time-
consuming duotone offset lithography and will
be bound in 12-point Frankote boards, for
permanent preservation. All in all, this lavishly
produced issue of Avant-Garde willmore closely
resemble an expensive art folio than а magazinc.
The editors of Avant-Garde are determined
that their presentation of the quintessence of
Picasso’s "347 Gravures" will be a landmark
not only in the history of art, but in pub-
lishing, as well,
ADVERTISENENT
EROTIC
m]
>
Copies of this special collector's edition of
Avant-Garde will not be offered for sale to the
general public. They are being given away—free
—a8 a gift to all new subscribers to Avant-Garde,
Incase you've never heard of Avant-Garde,
letus explain that it is the most beautiful—a
daring- magazine in America today. Althou
launched only two years ago, already it has
earned а reputation as the outstanding show-
case fur thc exhibition of creative talent. This
reputation stems from Avant-Garde's editorial
policy of complete and absolute freedom of
creative expression. Avant-Garde steadfastly
refuses to sacrifice creative genius on the altar
of “morality” (the motto of the magazine is
“Down with bluenoses, blue laws, and blue
pencils”). Thus, the world’s most gifted artists,
writers, and photographers continually bring
to Avant-Garde their most uninhibited and
inspired—works. Avant-Garde serves—consist-
ently—as a haven for the painting that is “too
daring,” the novella that is “too outrageous,”
the poem that is “too sensuous,” the cartoon
that is “too satirical,” the reportage that i:
“too graphic,” the opinion that is"*too candid,’
the photograph that is “too explicit.” Avant-
Garde is proud of its reputation as the wild
game sanctuary of American arts and letters.
In addition to Picasso, contributors to
Avant-Garde include such renowned figures
as Norman Mailer, Arthur Miller, Andrew
Wyeth, Kenneth Tynan, Dan Greenburg, Phil
Ochs, Allen Ginsberg, Dr. Karl Menninger,
Carl Fischer, Paul Krassner, Andy Warhol,
Eliot Elisofon, Warren Boroson, Peter Max,
Richard Avedon, John Updike, Roald Dahl,
Art Kane, Charles Schulz, Bert Stern, Richard
Lindner, Yevgeny Yevtushenko, S.J. Perelman,
James Baldwin, Alan Watts, Salvador Da
Terry Southern, Isaac Bashevis Singer, Ashley
Montagu, William Burroughs, Paul Goodman,
Kenneth Rexroth, Harper Lee, Jean Genet,
and Marshall McLuhan.
Critics everywhere have spent themselves
in a veritable orgy of praise over Avant-Garde.
“Reality freaks, unite! Weird buffs, rejoice!
Avant Garde has arrived bearing mind-treasures
of major proportions,” says the San Francisco
Chronicle. “Avant-Garde is guaranteed to shake
the cobwebs out of the mind,” says the Los
Angeles Herald-Examiner. “Ап exotic literary
menu..A wild new thing on the New York
ays Encounter, “Avant-Garde is aimed
atreaders of superior intelligence andcultivated
taste who are interested in the arts, politics,
science and sex,” says The New York Time:
“The fantastic artwork, alone, is worth the
price of the magazine,” says the News Project.
“A field manual by the avant-garde, for the
avant-garde,” says New York critic Robert
Reisner. "Avant-Garde's articles on cinema,
rock, and the New Scene are a stoned groove,”
says the Fast Village Other. “Off-beat, arty,
sexy,” says the New York Daily News. “It’s
the sawn-otf shotgun of American critical
writing,” says the New Statesman. “Its graphics
are stylish says TIME. “Avant-Garde is
MAGAZINE POWER!” says poet Harold Seldes,
“Wow! What a ferris wheel! [ was high for a
week after reading it,” says the pop critic
of Cavalie:
scene,"
'ubscriptions to
Avant-Garde ordinarily cost $10 per year. in
conjunction with this special Pi
engravings offer, however, we are offering ten-
month introductory subscriptions for ONLY
$5! This is virtually HALF PRICE! To enter
your subscription (five issues)- and obtain a
copy of the Picasso erotic engravings folio
ABSOLUTELY FREE-simply fil out the
adjacent coupon and mail it with $5 to: Avant-
Garde, 110 W. 40th St. New York, N.Y. 10018.
хо erotic
But please hurry, since quantities of the
Picasso folio are limited and this offer may be
Withdrawn without notice.
Then sit back and prepare to receive a sub-
scription bonus par excellence, and your first
copy of an exuberant new magazine that is
equally devoted to the love of art and the art
of love.
Avant-Garde
110 W. 40th Street
New York, N.Y. 10018
Tenclose $5 for a ten-month subscription
to the exuberant new magazine Avant-
Garde. | understand that | am paying g
ly HALF PRICE and that I will Ш
|BSOLL Y FREE-a сору g
of the magnificent art folio containing g
P'icasso's erotic engravings,
NAME
CITY
TATE
AVANT-GARDE 1968.
nnnannnan
PLAYBOY
52
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Guffey) often works against Parks’ scena-
rio—though it may be only that we are
too used to seeing grim truths spelled
out against unyieldingly stark scenery.
Growing up black in Cherokee Flats,
Kansas, during the 1920s is the prob-
lem of Learning Tree's teenaged hero
(played by a straightforward young ac-
tor, Kyle Johnson), a boy who learns the
shape of things as he progresses from
childhood to manhood without an anes-
thetic to dull the pain. His sexual initia-
tion is undertaken by a dusky whore,
while the first girl he really likes falls
prey to a rich, cynical white boy. He
learns about hate from a rebellious dium
who goes to reform school for beating up
a white farmer, and from the town
sheriff, who shoots “nigras” as casually as
other men shoot stray dogs. Yet Chero-
kee Flats never seems obsessed with big-
I's just a
sas coi
оту.
пту town,
both good
comfortable firstname basis, keeping
ure of pride intact. In this milieu,
's best friend is his mother—if
ppens to be a wise strong and
affectionate woman who has a sense of
her own worth and who teaches her
children to know theirs. Whether or not
the film synthesizes the Negro experience
in a manner that the gheuo's militants
consider relevant today is itself an irrele-
ant question, but one almost certain to
be raised. It is enough that Learning
Tree is Parks’ experience, delivered with-
out prejudice in a movie too honest and
personal to flaunt credentials as social
commentary or to phrase its simple hu-
manity in message form.
RECORDINGS
A longtime favorite of a few blues
performers and aficionados, virtuoso gui-
tar picker Albert Collins gets national
exposure for the first time on tove Con
Be Found Anywhere (Even in a Guitar) (Im-
perial; also available on sterco tape), and
it makes us wonder how many other
boss bluesmen are wasting away in the
boondocks. Collins plays single-riff tunes,
with admirable economy: unlike most of
his peers, he allows his combo plenty of
space in which to cook; and when the
moment is right, he breaks out of his.
ıytlım bag with startlingly incisive solo
lines. It’s all accomplished with ease and
confidence.
Never was the inta 1 language
of music more apparent than on Fron-
coise Hordy/ Mon Amour Adieu (Reprise) and
Aznavour!/Charles Aznavour (Monument;
so available on stereo tape). Even if
our French is limited to bon jour and
merci, you'll get the message on these
LPs. It is one of sweet melancholy—
love that might have been, love that was
and is no more, love that is yet to come.
Mile, Hardy's voice is that of resilient
youth, Aznavour's is suffused with world-
weariness—a_ fata resignation tl
accepts both joy and despair as the fabric
of life.
Assisted only by Ray Warleigh on flute
and Terry Cox on African drums and
finger cymbals, Britain's guitar wizard
John Renbourn comes up with a thor-
oughly satisfying set on Sir John Alot of
Merrie Englandes Musyk Thyng & Ye Grene
Knyghte (Reprise). The fare includes old
English refrains (The Earle of Salisbury),
Afro-American themes (Charles Lloyd's
Transfusion) and Renbourn's own com-
positions—such as Forty-Eighi—that. ef-
fectively combine both genres.
Pianist-composer Burton Greene has а
rep for being onc of the New Thing’s
wild men, but each of the six selections
On Presenting Burton Greene (Columbia),
from the “early” Ballad in В Minor 10
the atonal Voice of the Silences, is pains-
takingly structured—no matter how nerve-
jangling the dissonance might be. Altoist
Byard Lancaster is a strong but limited
soloist; the quartet is dominated by the
leader, who manages to make the piano
sound as flexible as a saxophone.
Its something of a puzzlement why
Freddie Hubbard, who has to rank
among the top trumpet men around,
hasn't achieved the status he deserves.
A Soul Experiment (Atlantic) is exciting,
heady stuff, as Hubbard gets down to the
nitty-gritty with a vengeance. His back-
ing is right out of the rock-soul bag and
his sound is filled with: bite, tenderness
and an endless inventive strcam. From.
the opening Clap Your Hands to the
capper title tune, this is a recording to
keep your adrenals percolati
John Hartford (RC
sterco tape) is undeniable evidi
least onc songwriter hasn't been dulled
by success. Hartford's ingenuous lyrics аге
consistently on target, whether he's talk-
ing strife (Orphan of World War Two)
ог love (I've Heard That Tear-stained
Monolog You Do There by the Door Be-
fore You Go). Another troubadour who
hasn't been altered by wide acceptance is
Nilsson; and Harry (RCA) is a butter.
smooth offering of soothing, wist
—The Puppy Song, I Guess the Lord
Must Be in New York Gity—plus odes by
such eminent bards as Randy New:
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he guitarist who is all
is off on his own with
Lady Coryell (Vanguard. Apostolic), ап LP
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the latter who prevails, fortunately, as he
Larry Coryell
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McDONALD}.
delivers an amazing variety of sounds and
conceptions encompassing almost every
permutation of the jazzrock spectrum.
On most of the tracks, Coryell has only
drummer Bobby Moses for support: on.
Stiff Neck and Treats Style, Elvin Jones
replaces Moses and, on the latter tune,
bassist Jimmy Garrison is added.
Andy Williams is only flawless on Норру
Heer (Columbia; also available on stereo
tape), his umpteenth side for the same
label. It's obvious that Andy is still pl
ing а hot hand. The tunes are firseruce
and tasteful, and the arrangements by AT
Capps contribute considerably to the pro-
ceedings. Our only objection is to the
allstops-out finishes Capps seems to fa
vor. On hand for the outing: Wichita
Lineman, Genile on My Mind, Little
Green Apples and Abraham, Martin and
John. Not bad company to keep.
Billed in advance as а supergroup,
Crosby, Stills & Nash (Atlantic: also a
ble on stereo tape) lives up to expecta-
tions on its first vinyl venture. Steve Stills
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David Crosby (the Byrds) and Graham
Nash (the Hollies) eschew high-voltage
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put across their well-considered lyrics;
among the high spots are Nash’s tender
Lady of the Island, Crosby's socially per-
tinent Long Time Gone and Stills coun-
try-inllected Suite: Judy Blue Eyes. Two
other exmembers of the Springficld—
Richie Furay and Jim Messina—are cur-
rently the mainsprings of Poco, a lively
quartet that shows on Pickin’ Up the Pieces
(Epic: also ible on stereo tape) that
it’s a master of the modern country sound.
For anyone sunk in the slou
spondency, no more ellective
could be prescribed than Prokofiev's ebul-
liently zany Love for Three Oranges (Mclo-
diya/ Angel). This delightful comic opera,
wherein hypochondriacal prince goes
ой in search of citrus fruit and ends up
instead with a pert princess, is at last
ble in up-to-date stereo, recorded
by an uncelebrated but thoroughly com-
petent cust of Soviet singers under the
ection of conductor Dzhemal Dalgat.
Their performance, taped in Moscow,
es full due to the composer's bitter-
sweet sentiment and sparkling fantasy as
well sardonic sat wit.
An accompanying booklet contains the
text in transliterated Russian and idio-
matic English.
Dcvid's Album (Vanguard; also available
on stereo tape) is Joan Baez gift to her
husband—and to the 5000 or so other
Americans in nti-draft
activities. Recorded in Nashville with ап
star ensemble, the program includes
such familiar fare as Will the Circe Be
Unbroken and My Home's Acos the
Blue Ridge Mountains, plus a timely love
song, J| 1 Knew. The simplicity that
с for dullness in Joan's previous
Nashville effort is redeemed in this case
by the extra fecling that apparently went
into the performances,
Bobby Timmons is a pianist who makes
a point of saying more by saying less.
Do You Know the Woy? (Milestone) provides
a perfect example. Accompanied by Jack
De Johnette on drums and Bob С
on electric bass, with guitarist Joe Beck
along for most of the session, Timmons
demonstrates a spare, cerebrally funky
approach to the likes of Last Night When
We Were Young, a pair of Bacharach
ballads (the tune capsulized in the title
and This Guy's in Love with You) and
the Strayhorn-Ellington ode Something
to Live For, Timmons plays only enough
to make his point, something he alw
succeeds in doing.
"The packaging is tasteless, as usual, but
ме gave a listen anyhow—and From Elvis
in Memphis (RCA; also available on stereo
pe) is the best effort by the seminal
rock-'n'-roller in nearly a decade. There
are some rough spots—the chest-thumping
Power of My Love, the hypocritical In the
Ghetto and the mawkish РИ Hold You in
My Heart—but the rest are solid tunes
(Only the Strong Survive, Gentle on My
Mind, True Love Travels on a Gravel
Road) delivered with a vitality reminis-
cent of Presley's pre-Hollywood days.
Johnny Cosh at San Quentin (Columbia;
also available on stereo tape) inevitably
suffers a bit from its similarity to Cash's
recent Folsom Prison singin: further-
more, this program doesn't have as much
r set. Even so, Ca
gets a rise out of his captive audience
with the mad humor of Shel Silverstein's
A Boy Named Sue and the bitter clo-
quence of his own ode to San. Quentin
(1 hate every inch of you").
Tommy (Decca; also available on stereo
каре), the Who's foursided rock "opera"
about a deaf, dumb and blind boy who
becomes a preteen messiah, is worth
listening to—but just once, The story, dis-
jointed but vivid, has a comic-book charm,
1 the music maintains a strong beat all
the way through; yet, the group's limited
conceptions of harmony, thythm and to-
nality become gratingly obvious after a
while,
‘The trend toward big-band rock contin-
ues with Lighthouse (RCA; also available
on stereo tape), а 13-member ensemble
from Toronto that contains not only brass,
electric instruments and percussion but a
i
string section as well. Skip Prokop's songs
and vocals are competent but forgettable;
the group's merit lies in its big sound,
which is cleanly delivered.
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has made us No.l
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with women. For example, this Fabriano Knit Shirt,
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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR
la conversation, 1 have heard references
to French intercourse; but not wanting
to seem naive, I have never asked what it
means. Can you tell me? Also, are there
other kinds of intercourse with national-
ity names?—S, J., Royal Oak, Michigan.
In common parlance, French inter-
course refers to oral-genital contact,
Greek intercourse refers to anal insertion
and Roman intercourse indicates simul-
taneous sexual activity among three or
more people. These sex practices have
no national boundaries, of course, and
ате of greater interest as part of sexual
mythology than as a guide to internation-
al sexual behavior.
V believe 1 could further my career as a
chemical engineer by working oversea
few yeas. How do I go about
g such а job, and can T expect to
make more money than on the domestic
scene?—H. F., Newark, New Jersey.
For openers, you might try your local
U.S. Employment Service, which can re-
fer you to jobs with both the Govern-
ment and. private firms. If you favor a
specific area, write to the United Slates
Department of Commerce, Bureau of In-
ternational Commerce, Washington, D. C.
20230. Н carries leaflets (at one dollar
each) on 91 countries, ranging from Aden
to Zambia. Although you may make more
money abroad, this could be offset by
greater living costs in some areas. In any
event, a position with an American com-
pany will generally be bettes paying than
one with a comparable foreign firm.
WI, girl has been putting off our wed-
ding date for a variety of odd reason
Her latest one has to do with the
that we both have blue eyes and she hi
always wanted a brown-eyed baby. What
kind of an excuse do you call thati—
Н. T., Scottsdale, Arizona.
An evasive one. For while the genetic
odds predict that a blue-cyed couple will
not produce а brown-eyed offspring, due
lo recessive genes, we suspect that she’s
trying to tell you, without hurting your
feelings, that she doesn't love you enough
10 want to spend her life looking at your
baby-blues.
During the Democratic Conver
year, the Chicago police depart
portedly stationed officers at the city's
three water-filtration plants because of
rumors that the Yippies were planni
turn on the whole city by pouring LSD
into the water supply. Recently, some
nds and I were discussing th
one guy said the Windy City genda
had been hoaxcd. Acid sclls for
mes
nd
7
five dollars а сар, he pointed out, so а
quantity sufficient to blow the minds of
the 4,000,000 citizens of Chicago would
cost $20,000,000, a sum well beyond the
finances of the Y. I.P. movement. This
led to a heated cussion about the
chemist nd economics of LSD manu-
facture, most of which was over my head,
and I left thoroughly confused. What are
the facts?—F_ J., Columbus, Ohio.
There are chemicals that can do the
job if placed in a city's water system, but
LSD is not one of them. However, it’s
not the cost of the venture that makes it
impossible, A resourceful chemist could
manufacture enough of the well-known
psychedelic (right in his own garage and
for only a few hundred dollars) to turn
on a major city. But the culprit would
have to find some means other than the
water supply, because it would not deliv-
er the payload to ils intended victims.
Exposure to light and air (as well as to the
chlorine and other chemicals in metro:
politan water) would render the acid
inert and inactive,
For some time, I've been dating а girl
Га known in high school, and we now
realize we're in love. She works in а
travel agency and the assistant manager,
who has a wife and a family, has been
ng а play for her. He says hes
get divorce and has sold his home
without his wife's knowledge. He also.
claims he's bought stock the firm that
he has put in my girl's name. She wants
none of this, but he won't see it that way
nd I'm afraid he's going to pull her
into some ugly mess She has asked me
for help, but I don't know what to do.
u help me help her?—D. C., Salt
ну, Utah.
First, have her tell him exactly how
she feels about him and about you. If
that doesn’t help, have her consult an
altorney and place the matter in his
hands. It might be settled by a warning,
or it might require an injunction to
keep him [rom bothering her. Obviously,
a new place of employment would be
desirable for your girlfriend.
Мо» that silver certificates have been
withdrawn by the Government and there
seems to be a interest in
Iver bars, stocks „ I'm wonder-
bout the significance of "sterling
connection with this pre
What does and what
—D. B., Bristol, Connecticut.
Since рите silver is too soft to be used
in most tableware or serving accessories,
manufacturers combine it with another
matu ken O e do. nile be ere
ate a harder alloy. When the proportions
ISTILLERY CO., LOUISVILLE, KY. © croc 1969
86 PROOF » EARLY TIMES DI
ir ш
MS mat wy пут PESTE
just
mention
my
name
57
PLAYBOY
58
are 925 percent silver to 7.5 percent
copper (or approximately 12 to 1), the
substance is called sterling, which has
come to mean of standard or excellent
quality. The word dates back to the early
days of England, when the natives of any
country east of the Channel were called
casterlings. Among these were merchants
of the Baltic coast who engaged in trade
with the islanders, The latter called the
silver coins they used easterling pennies;
later, the first two letters were dropped.
AA buddy of mine has been getting a bit
too friendly. We're both in our late 20s
and have had some good times together
wherever our mutual interests have tak-
еп us; but lately, he's been sending me
small presents and insisting on picking
up the tab for our drinking, admission
kets, and so on. My girlfriend thinks I
should end the friendship, but I'm reluc-
ant to do so. What do you adviscz—
R. G., Boulder, Colorado.
The kind of gift giving you describe is
probably either neurotic or erotic. If you
can't or don't wish to maintain some
kind of material quid pro quo, you may
wind up with a mounting sense of obli-
gation, or a budding romance, or both,
Tell your friend that you'd like neither,
and see how he responds. In any case, tell
your girl the problem is between you
and him.
Mn a restaurant with a banquette on one
side of the table and a straight chair on
the other, why is it proper for my date
to sit on the couch and face the room:
Not only is it tougher for me to catch
the waiter’s eye but I always have the
feeling that some guy is flirting with the
lady behind my back.—P. G., Annapolis,
Maryland,
Your mild paranoia notwithstanding,
it’s the lady who takes the couch after the
maitre de swings the table forward;
otherwise, he'd be forced to seat her
escort first. Furthermore, a banquette is
oflen more comfortable and provides ex-
tra room for her coat and purse.
М. tong ago, I became involved in a
“battle of the generations.” A classmate
of my father’s said that in his era, college
students had been much less foolish than
those of the present day. 1 said I doubt-
ed it, and found an ally in my father,
who mentioned the goldfish swallowers.
When I asked for details, he said he
couldn't remember too much, except
that some guys ate the fish alive. Do you
have any additional information ТЇЇ be
able to use when I next have to defend
my generation?—J. W., Cleveland, Ohio.
According to Paul Sanu's book, “Fads,
Follies and Delusions of the American
People,” the goldjish craze was [ust
kicked off by a Harvard student who
impulsively ingested a finny friend. Sub-
sequently, he was_challenged to repeat
his stunt in public and from then on,
other nuts got on the fish wagon. Students
set out to beal one another's records, the
final 1939 champion being a Middlesex.
University sophomore who swallowed
67 live goldfish. The fad enjoyed a brief
comeback in 1967, and a St. Joseph's
College undergrad—who wasn't finicky
—flipped out and gulped down 199.
М/с 1 was away on my three month
stint with the Naval Reserve, my girl-
friend (with whom I had been inti
for over а year) aud my best friend had
an affair. She confessed this to me when
My erstwhile friend is now away for his
three months with the Air National
Guard and has written me several letters
of abject apology, which 1 ha
swered. He is due home soon.
decide whether to welc
with open arms or a clenched fist, I find
it hard to f п, but at the same
time feel it’s immature not to. Have you
any counsel?—R. A., Troy, New York.
We suggest you opt for maturity, The
affair was hardly one-sided; and if you've
forgiven the girl, extend the amnesty to
your apologetic friend as well.
V; it cue that at one time the Federal
uled uncon at:
Courti—G. D.,
income tax was
by the U.S. Supre
Yakima, Washington
Yes. The tax was first imposed in 1862
lo help pay Civil War costs, then faded
quictly into oblivion. In the late 1800s,
when the Government altempted to te-
vive the levy, the Supreme Court ruled it
in violation of the consiitulional provi-
sion that direct taxes must bc appor-
tioned among the states according to
their population, But in 1913, Congress
passed the 16th Amendment, which,
when ratified by the slates, made the
Federal impost legal.
A: 19, 1 am sill a virgin, and E want
10 change my status. I do fine up to à
point, but when I get the opportunity to
go all the way, I always take some
of evasive action. The reason is that
unsure of myself and don't want to be a
failure my first so want the
and not be the victim ol
How can 1 prepare myself for
plungez— C. H., New Orleans, Lou
By the lime you're in a position 10
change your virginal status, the girl will
know whether or not you're experienced.
Having gone that far with you, she'll
presumably like you the way you are. So
the only preparation you need for “the
plunge" is the willingness to take it.
nexperience.
the
The building in which 1 tive has ample
parking space, and when I entertain in
my apartment, my guests have по prob-
lem. However, I don't drive; and when 1
take а small group out for dinner and
the theater, one of my friends transports
us in his car, Who pays the parking Íces?
—R. T., Honolulu, Hawaii,
Your friend.
nd pilsner be
Virgini.
None. In this country, both words are
now used to identify the light beers that
Americans prefer. In the brewing process,
the suds are aged in “lager” tanks, from
the German verb lagern ("to store").
Pilsner derives its label from the city of
Pilsen, hoslovakia, where it origi-
nated. It is light, pale and dry, like other
lag
Bon ny
mer, and she insisted th
sex on the grounds d
energy would lower cur resistance and
prolong our illnesses. 1 argued that sex-
ual intercourse is refreshing and can't do
a person anything but good. We compro.
mised and reduced our rate of activity
until both of us had recovered. I'd still
like to know if there's any medical basis
for her opinion.—C. B. Cincinnati,
Ohio.
Her feelings are certainly undersianda-
ble. A severe cold with attendant та-
laise, fever, scratchy throat and runny
nose can be so emotionally and physical-
ly debilitating that it is difficult to think
of anything more desirable than aspirin,
liquids and lots of rest in bed—undis-
turbed. To set the medical facts straight,
however, intercourse docs not lower ie-
sistance; it isn't that much of a drain on
one’s energy. But sexual activity can af-
fect a cold sufferer in a much more direct
way, since the nasal mucosa is a sexually
responsive membrane. The effect is var-
iable: I's hardly apparent in some
people; in others, congestion of blood
vessels is so intense that nasal passages
feel totally stopped up; still others may
find that increased circulation causes
temporary relief of cold symptoms. Next
time you've got а cold, sce which calego-
ту applies to you.
it's the difference between
С. J Quantico,
1 colds last sum:
in from
the drain on our
АП reasonable questions—from fash-
ion, food and drink, hi-fi and sports cars
to dating dilemmas, taste and. etiquette
—will be personally answered if the
writer includes a stamped, self-addressed
envelope. Send all letters to The Playboy
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi-
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The
most. provocative, pertinent. queries will
be presented on thesc pages each month.
DAY’ DATE 2000.
sas
‘The calendar for playboys.
It will be making time long after you're not.
This is a self-winding Hamilton Day 'n Date. Like
all Hamiltons, it's going to be around for a long time.
Telling you the right time. The right date. Even what
day it is. And doing a beautiful job of it, too, because
we ve given it classic styling that will never look old-
fashioned. We had to. We knew what was inside
would keep running and running and running. And
а bon vivant like you wouldn't wear any watch
that looked dated. Even if it kept time as well as
a Hamilton.
НАА ЛУГЕ ТОРИ Deautilul time. Year after year aller year aller year
Hamilton Watch Company, Lancaster, Penna. = Benne, Switzerland = Brussels Lordon * Toronte
Where-To-Buy-It? Use REACTS Card — Page 233.
58
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oddress —
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+ Prestigious personalities telling it like it is
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THE PLAYBOY FORUM
an interchange of ideas between reader and editor
on subjects raised by “the playboy philosophy"
THE TOWNSEND PLAN
»rAvmOYy has performed a public
ice by exposing the antics of the
wing cranks who oppose sex education.
Here in Anaheim, our sex-education
program has been all but destroyed by
these ultrarightists, under the leadership
of Jim Townsend. In fact, Townsend
seems bent on destroying all education
here: The schools arc virtually broke
because he always mounts a massive cam-
paign to prevent passage of a bond issue
whenever one is needed to keep the
schools alive. In the past five years, many
services have been dropped by the school
officials because of sheer lack of money,
as a result of Townsend's activities.
A. C. Rice
Anaheim, С
fori
rrAvmov knocking opponents of sex
education will have just about as much
effect on the parents as did the Los
Angeles Times endorsing Thomas Brad-
ley for mayor.
Jim Townsend
Citizens Committee of Californi
Fullerton, California
SEX-EDUCATION CONTROVERSY
The movement of the radici right
wing 10 block familylife and sex-
education programs in the schools of
Illinois is in lull swing in the Spring-
field legislative arena, Under the guise of
concerned parents, the enemies of sex
education have been able to persuade
legislators of both parties that children
are being debauched and are in grave
moral danger because of sex«education
programs. They declare that the pro
prams are a Communist device to destroy
American family Ше. These concerned
parents woop to the state capitol to
present exhibits of shocking materials
they claim are being used in Illinois
schools. Those who are directly involved
in teaching or developing family life and
sex-education programs have never seen
or heard of the exhibited materials. Two
of the most able, dedicated and rational
legislators in the Illinois General Assem
bly, who have always supported the best
in education programs, described testi
mony they heard and exhibits they saw.
I checked and could only condude t
What was shown in legislative. hearings
as the product of а certain publisher was
а complete Fabrication. Such tactics
this and the Birch Society's techniqu
of disrupting school board meeti
tributing all types of propaganda materi
als and whipping up waves of phony
hysteria are creating widespread havoc in
Illinois and in many other communities
across the nation.
As an experienced observer. I believe
that sensible parents, educators. doctors
па clergy must rise up in numbers and
speak their piece now. A small minority
is making noises like a majority, and the
only way to defeat their irrational move
ment is an avalanche of rebuttal from the
real majority, who recognize the value of
family-life and sex-education pr
for all children as part of the regular
school curriculum.
"The not-for profit agencies, such as the
one I head, are prevented from making
iv сїоп to overcome the activities of
the right wing, lest, by being charged
With attempting to influence legislation
we lose the tx-exempt status we need
to keep going financially. Not a cent of
our budget money, therefore, can be
expended against the antisex education
movement and, unfortunately, voluntary
contributions for this purpose do not fall
upon us like rain from heaven.
The real losers in this controversy are
the children and their parems. One can
nly hope those who are aware of the
importance of understanding human sex
uality in a rapidly changing society will
communicate their views to educators.
Otherwise, the right wing will force
cither the withdrawal of familylife
sexeducation programs or the resi
tion of teachers, principals and school-
board members who support these
curriculums. Only time will tell whether
the real majority or the loud minority
will win out.
Sally E. McMahon,
xecutive Director
Association for Family Living
Chicago, Illinois
It is interesting to compare the caliber
of arguments being offered for and
against sex education in schools. One
opportunity to sce which side makes
more sense was afforded by an article in
The Washington Daily News describing
a public hearing оп a sex-education cur-
riculum held by the school board of
Prince Georges County, Maryland.
In favor was a clergyman who spoke of
the “anguish and fear of a 12-year-old
because of misinformation from friends”
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КО
B4
to experiment with
hout this program, it
would be а long time—or never—before
he could learn the truth.” A lady from
[sex] in all truth and honesty." She
considered a school program "basic for
п to develop the necessary respon-
Sex is a part of
be glossed
tion from an informed teacher rather
misinformed friend.”
Now hear the voice of the antis. One
lady implied thar sex-education programs
volve the showing of filmed acts of
intercourse and, therefore, аге “too pro-
gressed for children.” She went on, "Ch
dren have a right to be innocent durmg
childhood.” Another
opposed to teachin
with human love and charging our chi
dren's atmosphere with sex. 1 feel ] have
been robbed of a very precious posses-
sion—the right to teach my children
these sacred subjects.” Still another lady
called sex educa
munism,” and
Ч do not
ght mastur-
said he маз"
will fight to the
у d that sex edi
is а move by the Devil himself to
ig us down from within."
The oddest opposing staiement сите
from a clergyman. As reported by the
Daily News, here it is: "I may be a nut,
but I screwed on the right bolt."
К. Ror
Suitland, Maryland
I'm opposed to sex education in the
schools—for а different reason than that
of the John Birch Society.
Have you taken a good look at to.
schools? They are designed to stifle and
inhibit our exuberant youth as much as
possible; emphasis is placed on disci-
pli on academic values. Instead of
knowledge, children are fed propaganda.
Obviously, it wouldn't be any different
with sex education.
I'm teaching my children that sex is a
beautiful gift and a part of life, such as
eating and sleeping. 1 don't want some
narrow minded school official indoctrin
ing them in the kind of medievalism
that would taint a sex-education course
before the school board approved
Mis. Gem Lo}
Orange, Texas
I am a fifth-grade teacher in Prince
Georges County. Maryland. The boards
of education of Prince Georges County
nd adjoining Montgomery County are
tempting to introduce a program of
sex education into the schools, which is
being fought by many of the parents in
the area, Following is a list of objectives
FORUM NEWSFRONT
a survey of events related to issues raised by “the playboy philosophy”
THE CRIME OF FORNICATION
PATERSON, NEW JERSEY— saw a crime
being committed when a single wom-
an walked inio my cout pregnant,”
said municipal-cowt judge Erwan Е.
Kushner, who charged the criminal—the
pregnant woman—and her accomplice
with fornication under a 1790 law pro-
hibiting sexual intercourse between un-
married persons.
The case began in 1967, when the
woman, then 25, sued the father of her
three children for child support—a. pre-
requisite 10 obtaining welfare assistance.
When she reappeared in court some
months later, the judge, noting she was
pregnant again, sent the case to a grand
jury, and the couple was ultimately con-
icied under the state's fornication law,
which had not been enforced in over 100
years. The woman received a six-month
suspended sentence, and the man was
sentenced to three months in jail.
CHIP OFF THE OLD BENCH
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA—ANwiicipal-
court judge Earl Warren, Jr... son of the
former U.S. Supreme Court. Chief Jus-
tice, made some legal history of his own
in ruling that a particular erotic dance
performance was protected under the
constitutional right of free speech. I
as not the first such court decision, but
it was probably the first one reached
through reenactment of the alleged
crime performed on location by nude
defendants.
In order to examine the evidence in
its natural environment, Judge Warren
and his aides set up cowl in the Fig
Leaf A-Go-Go tavern, sans customers,
and watched two female dancers do their
thing (o the tunc of “Wooly Bully,”
illuminated by a psychedelic light show,
In his ruling, Judge Warren found the
performance did not appeal “to а pruri-
ent interest in nudity, sex or excretion"
and was not “ullerly without redeeming
social value."
А MAN ALONE
PORT МАЗНА N, WISCONSIN—" We
print newspapers here,” said William F.
Schanen, Jr. 1 don't feel I have to pass on
their copy. I'm not a censor.” Schanen’s
ideas about. frer speech and freedom of
the press caused по trouble for him or his
ear-old form, Port Publications, while
its output was restricted to suburban
weeklies, school newspapers and the local
Veterans of Foreign Wars newsletter,
Then, about two years ago, Port Publica-
lions began to print underground papers.
including Milwaukee's Kaleidoscope,
which featured an “unpatriotic” article
titled, What to Do Until the Revolution
Gomes.” It advised readers last spring оп
how to harass policemen (call them
homosexual), churches (use obscene lan-
guage to accuse Jesus of pacifism) and.
banks (set yom money on fire and give a
talk on the difference between burning
paper and burning people). A local man-
ufacturer, Benjamin Grob, immediately
began a campaign to force Port Publica:
tions to siop printing Kaleidoscope and
organized a massive advertising boycott,
which has already led to an М) percent
drop in accounts and may finally drive
Schanen’s small company out of business
entirely. “I will not yield to economic
pressure.” Schanen says, admitting that he
has already lost $100,900 т advertising
revenue. “I do not think a printer should
deny his facilities to a justifiable use, a
proper use, a legal use. How can there
ever be any opinion or comment if those
who write and those who publish cannot
get their work printed?
HOMOSEXUALS RIGHT TO WORK
WASHINGTON, D.C—The U.S. Court of
Appeals has ruled two to one that Feder
al Civil Service employees may not be
fired merely because they атс homosex-
uals, Dismissal is justified only if a work-
ers performance ок his department's
efficiency is affected. The opinion, writ-
ten by Chief Judge Dawid I. Bazelon
and joined by Judge J. Skelly Wright,
said the Civil Service Commission could
not justify discharging an employee
“merely by turning its head and crying
‘shame’ The notion that it could be
an appropriate function of the Federal
bureaucracy to enforce the majority's
conventional codes of conduct in the
private lives of its employees is at war
with elementary concepts of liberty, pri-
very and diversity.” A similar ruling
affecting homosexual job applicants had
earlier from New York's Civil
Service Commission and was upheld by
Federal Judge Willam B. Herlands. It
stated, however, that cach case would be
examined individually to decide whether
an applicant's homosexuality would have
the effect “of rendering him ити to
assume duties of the position” This
would probably disqualify him from jobs
such as prison guard, children's counselor
or playground attendant.
come
QUEENS VS. “QUEENS”
KEW GARDENS, NEW YoRK—dlarmed
because their neighborhood park was b
coming a camping ground for homos
uals, some 40 Queens residents formed a
vigilance committee to patrol the wood:
ed area with flashlights and walkie-talkies
10 drive off amy deviates lurking
thercin. When the homosexuals insisted
on their right to lurk, a new tactic was
devised. Under cover of darkness, а
group of men, presumably the vigilantes,
entered the park and cut doun the trees
and hedges. This made the park unfit not
only for homosexuals but also for local
residents, many of whom condemned the
action as vandalism. Some saw the cutting
in progress and called the police; but the
police, they said, only chatted amiably
with the choppers and left. The officers in
one patrol car reportedly shrugged off the
complaint on the grounds that the vigi-
lantes “were doing a job which the
police were nol able to do to the satisfac-
tion of the community.” An assistant in
Mayor John Lindsay's office told a New
York Times reporter, “Frankly, it may
be a lost cause to find out who cut the
trees down. The residents feel that
things are now quiet, so why stir up a
hornet’s nest?” In fact, though, com-
plaining citizens have stirred up the
Queens district attomey, the Park De-
partment, the American Civil Liberties
Union and the city's Cultural Affairs ad-
ministrator, all of whom promised an
investigation. The police announced
they had no clues as to the identity of
the culprits.
PLOT AND COUNTERPLOT
According to an Associated Press ve-
port, there is no sex education oflered in
Russian schools, and young people have
flooded Komsomolskaya Pravda with
letters seeking answers to their questions
about sex. The editors reply with stern,
Ann Landers-style advice, warning that
premarital sex can lead (o “sorrow, pain
and Wines"; another publication for
young people, Yunost, has declared that
sex among schoolgirls often leads to
“lives of crime” Any manifestation of
sexual freedom is denounced by the au-
thorities, the A. P. report adds, and is at-
tributed to capitalist influence seeping
through the Iron Curtain,
Meanwhile, back home, a local televi-
sion poll in Oakland, California, found
that a majority of citizens answered yes
10 the question, “Is sex education a Com-
munist plot?"
DOCTOR'S DILEMMA.
AUSTIN, TExAS—A 42year-old Polish-
born psychiatrist. succeeded, finally, in
obtaining Federal permission to grow his
vien marijuana for purposes of research,
only to have his back-yard pot crop har-
vested by trate state narcolics agents. Dr.
Harry С. Hermon was cultivating the
plants as part of a research project ap-
proved by the National Institute of Men-
tal Health and authorized by the Bureau
of Narcotics and the Internal Revenue
Service, which had registered him as
both a class-[our and class five researcher
allowed to grow, possess and use mari-
juana for experimental purposes. Sup-
posedly, such permission is not granted
when the intended activity would violate
state laws. But the Texas law is some-
what vague wilh respect to actually
growing pot, according to Sam Houston
Clinton, Hermon's attorney, and Federal
and state authorities seem to have inler-
preted it in different ways. In hopes of
avoiding such trouble, Hermon had in-
formed various law-enforcement agencies
of his plans to grow his own pot; but the
word apparently did not get to the nar-
cotics officials who raided his garden and
arrested him on charges of violating Texas
marijuana laws.
AMERICA’S CONCENTRATION CAMPS
WASHINGTON, DC—One of the amend-
ments to the Internal Security Act of
1950— widely discussed lately in the radi-
cal and underground press—is a provi-
sion under which the President can declare
ап emergency and people can be placed
in concentration camps “if there is rea-
sonable ground to believe that such a
person will engage in, or probably will
conspire with others to engage in, acts of
espionage or of sabotage.” Furthermore,
a person charged under this act will not
be given a trial.
Congressman. Abner Mikva hus intro-
duced a bill in the House of Represent-
alives to repeal this law; concurrently,
Senator Dantel К. Inouye of Нашай en-
tered a similar bill in the Senate, which
has received support not only from lib-
evals, such as Eugene McCarthy and
Jacob Javits, but from some leading
conservatives, including Karl Mundt,
George Murphy and James Eastland.
Answering those who зау the law need
not be repealed since it will probably
never be invoked, Senator Inouye points
out that 109,650 Americans of Japanese
ancestry were locked up in internment
camps without trial during World War
Two and that “widespread rumors” that
the camps are about to be reactivated are
creating serious fear of the Government,
especially in the black ghettos, Last
year, in an interview six days before his
death, Martin Luther King, Jr, told
Look magazine that black nationalists
are "absolutely convinced” the camps атс
being prepared for them. More recently,
Gary, Indiana, mayor Richard Hatcher
charged that former Job Corps camps are
being refurbished for imprisonment of
dissenters, and The Adantic Month]
quoted. Deputy Attorney General Rich-
ard G. Kleindienst as saying, in reference
to student demonstrators, that these who
interfere with the rights of others “should
be rounded up and put in a detention
comp." The Justice Department quickly
declared that Kleindienst had been. mis-
quoted—and the Job Corps labeled Mayor
Hatcher's charges “
‘nonsense.’
for the program, which was distributed
at our teachers’ meeting.
1. To provide the individual with
lequate knowledge of his own
physical, mental and emotional mat-
uration processes as related to sex.
. To eliminate fears and anxie-
e to individual sexual de-
and adjustments.
3. To develop objective and un-
derstanding attitudes toward sex in
all of its various manifestations—in
the individual and in others.
4. To give the al insight
concerning his relationships with
members of both sexes and to help.
him understand his obligations
responsibilities to others.
5. To provide a
the positive s:
some hum;
6.
the need for the moral
provide rational bases for
decisions.
7. To provide enough knowledge
about the misuses and aberrations of
sex to enable the individual to pro-
асс: himself against exploitation and
against injury to his physical and
mental health.
8. To provide an incentive to
work for a society in which such
evils as prostitution and illegitimacy,
archaic sex laws, irrational fears of
sex and sexual exploitation arc non-
existent.
о provide the understan
and conditioning that will enable
idual to utilize his sexual-
ity effectively and aeatively in his
several roles; eg., as spouse, parent,
community member and citizen.
Sounds subversive, doesn't it?
Mrs, Natalie Fishman
Greenbelt, Maryland
"FREE PLAY" MENACE
"The furor against sex education has
reached Salem, Oregon, and heated criti
cism has been directed at the family-life
program at the school where 1 am em
ployed. Our harassed principal called an
emergency faculty meeting, cautioning all
teachers to play down family life until
the school board ed the mater
to cveryone's satisfaction, Then, as an
terthought, he added, "And please
climinate the expression ‘free play’ from
your lesson plans.
Mrs. Dorothy Kliewer
CARS AND SEX
In light of the current sex-education
flap, I'd like to show the ki
nd of rea-
soning that our illustrious California
leader, Мах Rallerty, uses to discuss the
ue. The following quote is from a
65
PLAYBOY
56
speech he gave in Fremont, Californi
(reported in the San Jose Mercury):
Sex education will not cut down
on venereal disease or illegitimate
births any more than knowledge of
the vehicle code will reduce the num-
her of accidents.
Need we say more about Мах Raf-
ferty? Or shall we now go and abolish
the vehicle codes of all the states, be-
cause they obviously don’t solve the acci-
dent problems?
Henry R. Quintero
Watsonville, California
OKLAHOMA OK
In the July Forum Newsfront, you
commented on a bill proposed in the
Oklahoma state legislature that would
have banned sex education from kinder-
garten through grade six. You also men-
tioned a spokesman for Christian Crusade
in Tulsa who went further and wanted
sex education banned at all levels of
the educational system, apparently right
up to college.
Since some people might have received
the impression that Oklahoma is a state
of ignorant hicks, please inform your
readers that although the anti-sex-educa-
tion bill was passed in the state house of
representatives, it was later shelved by
the senate. Consideration of the bill was
postponed indefinitely and it now lies
dormant (read dead). Many people from
diverse groups testified during the senate
hearing and the good sense of the educa-
tors, psychologists andmamy church leaders
who defended sex education won the day.
1 would like to add that Christian
Crusade is not typical of Oklahomans at
all; most of us regard it as an organiza-
tion of fanatics and extremists.
David Beach
Tulsa, Oklahoma
EMBARRASSED SILENCE
Enclosed is a clipping from the Baton
Rouge, Louisiana, State Times:
A House committee last night ap-
proved and senc to the House floor
to ban sex education below
the ninth grade in public schools.
‘The House Education Committee,
after a lengthy hearing spiced with
showing of film slides on “How to
Make a Baby,” voted 18 to 2 to ap-
piove the bill and amend it to pro-
vide that any parish violating the
measure would find its state educa-
tion funds withheld.
A packed House watched in si-
lence as Rep, Fred Hayes of Laf
yette, sponsor of the measure, showed
film slides on “How to Make a
Baby” and read the film captions
loud. The many women in the au-
dience for the most part watched in
embarrassed silence as the film
showed a man and woman in bed
together, how the female is fertilized
by the male sperm and how dogs аге
born.
Rep. Lawrence Delaroderie of Bat-
on Rouge supported the bill He
said, "I may be narrow-minded, but
the pictures shown here embarrassed
mc. As far as I'm concerned, it all
started out with Adam and Eve and
now there are millions of people. It
looks like they figured it out without
being taught
Obviously, our “leaders” would rather
our children learned sex in the streets
than be taught by competent educator
No wonder the literacy rate in Loui
is one of the lowest in the U.S. A.
Jerry Schwehn
Louisiana State Univer
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
ty
FIGHTING SEX WITH SEX
Not only are the Birch types continu
ing to fight sex education with thei
wormont distortions and misquotations
but they are now flooding the country
with the very "pornography" they don't
want children to sce in the classrooms.
Various right-wing groups are distribu
ing ADULTS ONLY fliers (the ones I siw
were picked up by children around their
school) that contain excerpts and drawings
from sex-education texts—out of context,
of course, and complete with hysterical
notations. (“АШ material presented below
has been taken from the San Mateo Coun
ty teacher's resource guides. There is a
great deal more in the program that is
equally objectionable. Ask to see it!!!”).
The whole thing i: ure and the way
this mates is being distributed must
constitute an invasion of privacy at least
as vicious as that which they attribute to
sex education.
As a result of my newspaper articles on
this controversial subject, Гуе been
a Communist bitch, among other things,
and have earned the hatred of the local
C. A. U.S. E, (Citizens Against Unwhole
some Sex Education) group. Its leader,
who was former executive vice president
of National Citizens for Decent Litera-
ture, claims 10 “have spent ten years look-
ing at pornography. . . . Believe me, I
know it when I see it, and I say it's being
taught in sex education." The names of
these groups and their members’ creden-
tials are rather amusing, but the harm and
confusion they are causing are not. For
example, a local conservative state assem-
blyman recently secured an amendment to
a state. health-education law he claimed
made sex education mandatory, There was
no such requirement in the law, yet more
tax money was wasted to get it changed
and the ensuing publicity added to the
confusion; half of the 59 county school
districts reported in a poll that they по
longer knew what was mandated and
what was not.
To add to the growing roster of follics
committed by these dubious do-gooders:
A local Catholic clergyman, who has
done more than anyone else to advance
the cause of sexual rationalism on Long
Island, has been vilified and harassed
(microphone snatched from hi nd.
tacks and glass littered in parking lots
where he was speaking); I have on tape
the words of а Baptist minister, proclaim-
ug that Dr. Mary Calderone, head of
1. E. C. U. S. (Sex Information and Edu.
cation Council of the United States), and
her assodates “all have Communist affilia.
tions, and I have documentary proof,”
which, of course, he never produced; and
everyone knows about the disaster in
Anaheim, California, where a voter-
approved sexeducation program was
ultimately discontinued after the anti-
sexeducation nuts managed to capture
school-board seats.
‘The great tragedy is that the screaming
стас®ро on the right are spewing out
tremendous amounts of misinformation
with hardly a peep of rebuttal from the
rational but silent majority of Americans.
Milanne Rehor, Reporter
Suffolk Sun
Deer Park, New York
SEX IN SWEDEN
The author of "Lally's Alley," а col-
umn in the Toms River, New Jersey.
Shopper] Reporter, opposed sex educi-
tion on the grounds that it would destroy
"religious values" and “the deep love
relationship of family and God.” He
went on
After ten years of compulsory pub-
lic school sex education in Sweden,
results сап now be measured to an
extent, As reported in Sex and Soci-
ety in Sweden, by Birgitta Linner: 35
percent of all brides are pregnant
on their wedding day . . . a cata
strophic increase in venereal disease
among youngsters (medical statistics
indicate that gonorrhea and syphilis
are more widespread in Sweden to-
day than in any other civilized
country in the world). Even 13- and
1-year-olds are found to be infected,
with the number of girls exceeding
the number of boys . . . 20 percent
of those reaching adulthood never
mary . . . and despite sex educa
tion in contraception, an alarmingly
high incidence of premaritally cor
ceived children
Add those statistics to the facts
that, in Sweden, reported rapes have
risen 55 percent in a two-year period.
. . . drug taking among school chil-
dren has risen sharply (student “un
dercover agents" are being used in
the schools) . . . hard-core pornogra-
phy is flourishing everywhere, even
on public movie screens . . . clubs
for homosexuals advertise openly in
newspapers and ma
the Swedish divorce га
THIS IS HOW
THE ROMANS CON
QUERED
THEWORLD.
You want to believe the history
books?
Orus.
The books. obsessed with accu-
racy, say it was all done with pitched bat
tles, clashing swords, and Roman leg
ions parading across bloody battlefields.
Stuff and nonsense.
Our own experts report it all
much nicer than that. After examining
some new archaeological sites" they have
pieced together the following account.
We have no reason to doubt it.
Caesar, although best known as a
soldier, emperor and ambitious man, was
no slouch as an amateur psychologist.
If vou want to conquer a country
without the mess and bother usually asso-
ciated with empire-building. just give
your enemy something better to do with
is time than fight. Then walk in and
take o!
he Forum greeted this bit of im-
perial wisdom with loud shouts of approv-
al, and directly, the best minds in Rome
setout to discover that special something
1 The Cafe И Swinger, 143 Via Veneto;
the penthouse of Prince Vittorio Rospoli. 9 Aven-
da Maximo: and eight parked Ferraris on the
Appian Way.
2 "Approbo, approbc: interspersed with
cries of "Mocem mi
tergo!" or" Louder, we can’t hear you in the back?
ite, non vos audimus in
that would give the enemy somethi
ter todo with his time than resist Roman
aggression.
Night baseball. was out. It hadn't
been discovered yet.
Embroidering clubletters on togas
was, then as now, women s work.
Then. just whenall hope fora clcan
andeasy victory seemed to be fading. the
rumors began.
A retired biology teacher working
in a disused chariot garage had formu-
lated aclear, green liquid whose fragrance
rendered ordinary men irresistible to
women.
Caesar, always a man with an eye
for new talent, summoned the aging sa-
vant to the palace. That very night, the
mysterious liquid was tested. And, the
nextday, Caesar, tired but happy, marched
on Gaul.
But in advance of the roman
armies, large shipments of the astound-
ing fragrance were smuggled into enemy
territories: On the morning of the battle,
hundreds of Gallic generals awoke to find
curious green bottles on their dresser-
tops.
Bythetime Caesar’sarmies arrived,
the Gauls had discovered better things to
do with their time than fight. And the
Roman victory went by unnoticed.
Now. we ask you, could we leave
an idea like that to gather dust in histori-
cal archives?
Of course not.
Using all the technology amassed
by modern science, we have attempted
to duplicate that empire-building green
liquid.
We believe we've gotten closer
than anyone before in the past 1.970 years.
Wecallit Bacchus. in honor of the Roman
godof wine, laughter and general fooling
around. And we strongly suggest that you
not squander it on your enemy but use it
on yourself.
You, too, have empires to build
You, too, should have better things
todo with your time than fight.
You. too, in fact. all of us, should
learn from history.
ocon
3 Yon bave. no doubt, beard of the Ro-
man Botile, often miscalled ihe Trojan Horse. It
recalls the night a 40 ft. high bottle of cologne
was left outside the gates of Corinth, where the
Corinthians found it, dragged it in. and fell prey
о its power. Corinth fell at 10 A.M. the next
morning.
Я Bacchus. After shave and cologne.
Itgives you something better to do with your time than fight.
67
„з
59
[T
8
S
a
T
V
CHRYSLER ғ
...and have all this.
Sa
Chrysler's unibody construc-
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E у Produce a unit of unusual
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no matter what 1970 Chrysler
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Your ignition is conveniently
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One turn of the key locks the
ignition and the steering column.
New rubber body mounts, new sus-
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more of sound insulation. Chrysler's
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The muscle. 440 cubic inch 350
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This year the rear wheels have a
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Headlights. Beautifully con-
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Then your Chrysler 300 turns
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Fibergtass-belted tires. Wider.
Standard. To give you longer
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Front torsion-bar / rear-leaf sus- may even last as long es you
pension. Gives the 1970 Chrysler ‘own the car.
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Meet the man who took
die bare knuckles
out of bourbon.
When I. W. Harper first
came to the Bluegrass
Country, men were men
and the drink was
bourbon. And in those
торты" days, bourbon was like
mmm. the sprawling land it
was born in. Lots of natural
attraction, but it lacked
polish. Which led I.
W. Harper to ask |
himself: “Why not £
a bourbon without
the bare-knuckled
taste?” Today, people
are enjoying Mr. Harper's
answer in his fine |
whiskey. Honest bourbon |
—but with manners.
86 PROOF ANO 100 PROOF BOTTLED IN ВОНО - BOTH KENTUCKY STRAIGHT BOURBON WHISKEY + © LW. HARPER DISTILUING CO, LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY
hest, and the suicide rate is the
highest in the world! . . .
I would be interested in knowing
PLAYBOY's reaction to these facts.
Kay Carr
"Toms River, New Jersey
Some of the facts in “Lally's Alley” are
correct, some incorrect; bul all are slated
in a misleading and biased manner. In
the first place, Lallys primary source,
Birgitta Linner, emphasizes in her book
that Swedish sex education is still far
from adequate. William Edward Mann
summarizes her criticisms in The Journal
of Sex Research:
Dr. Birgittu Linner . . . estimates
that only 50-60 percent of the stu-
dents get a thorough sex education.
Among the probable causes she ciles
are the difficulty of the subject, the
inadequacy of the teachers’ training,
the embarrassment and moral bias
of some instructors.
Dr. Linner makes И clear that, since
1938, sex education has been allernate!
moving forward and backward in Swe
den, im reaction to various pressures
from conservative and liberal groups.
She quotes one mother as complaining,
"Why did I receive a better sex educa-
tion in the cighth grade back in 1911
than ту daughter is getting in school
now? She is gelling none at all.” Thu
insofar as there is a causal relationship,
Swedish sexual behavior can’! be consid-
ered exclusively the result of modern sex
education and liberal laws but, vathes
the product of a continuing conflict be-
tween forces of freedom and repression.
It is true that 30 to 35 percent of all
Swedish brides aie pregnant at the time
of marriage and that there is a rather
high vate of premarital sex. This must be
understood within the framework of the
Swedish attitude toward sexuality—which
15 nob the product of modernism but
part of the tradition of the country, as
Ewald Bohm points out in “The Enoy-
clopedia of Sexual Behavior":
In general, then, ancient tradition
gave social sanction to premarital
sexual relationships. The legal re-
sponsibililies of marriage, however,
began with the promise to many.
Such forms of “trial marriage" have
persisted in some rural regions of
Sweden from the ancient past . .
апа) also in some regions of Fin-
land, the Baltic Sea provinces and
other parts of the European. conti
nent, especially Austria and Bavaria.
As for premarital pregnancies, the
Swedish rate is no more astonishing than
the American rate: Dr. Alfred A. Messer
has estimated that, їп one large city, one
third of the brides were pregnant at the
time of marriage, and Dr. Alfred Aner-
back states that 50 percent of all our
teenage brides are pregnant on their
wedding day. The difference is that in
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Sweden, the marriages ате not caused Ьу
the pregnancies but by a real desire to
marry, since there ave no stigmata on
illegitimacy there, As Dr. Linner points
out, "IL is perhaps typically Swedish that
many of those who become pregnant
prior to marriage ате по! [осей into an
undesired marriage.” This seems to us
wiser and more civilized than the shot-
gunawedding tradition prevailing else-
where.
As for venereal disease, Dr. Linner,
after giving the figures quoled by Mr.
Lally, points ош:
But Sweden's V-D. problem is by
по means a unique one—countries
all over the world are facing similar
difficulties. At an international V. D.
conference in Lisbon, Portugal, in
1065, delegates were reminded that
the gonorthea incidence is rising in
most countries. The syphilis picture
is about the same, with an upward
trend in about 75 percent of the
countries investigated.
Anthropologist. Margaret Mead, writ-
im Redbook magazine, agrees with
Dr. Linner that surviving puritanical tra-
ditions cannot be underestimated in in
lerpreting such anomalies in Swedish
sexual behavior, saying that many Swedes
still seem to feel “that the wages of sin
is death or . . . unwanted pregnancy or
disease." Dr. Mead adds, "It is hard to
remodel a puritanical society in one
generation.”
4s for rape, Mr. Lally’s statistics are
incorrect. For 1965 and 1966 (the latest
years for which records are complete),
the arrest figures were, respectively, 87 and.
78—a decline of 10 percent, not a vise of
55 percent. In a population of 7,847,395,
this works out to approximately I.I per
100,000 in 1965 and 1 per 100,000 in
1966, one of the lowest sales in the
world. (The United States, by compari
son, had 10,734 rape arrests in 1965, or
3.36 per 100.000. and increased 8 percent
to 11,609 in 1966, ov 5.8 per 100,000.)
Turning to drug taking, this refers
chiefly lo marijuana, which is increasing
among youth everywhere and is rela-
tively harmless, especially compared with
alcoholism, the chief problem of the old-
er generation in Sweden (and in the
United Slates). As for freedom in pub-
lishing (including pornography), ils exist-
ence has apparently had no adverse
effect on Swedish life. We wonder if Mr.
Lally is aware that where censorship does
exist im Sweden, ib is primarily con-
cerned with violence.
The Swedish divorce vate is one of the
highest їп the world (but not nearly аз
high as that of the United States—one
out of six Swedish marriages ends in
divorce, compared with one in four here).
As for the oft-repeated allegation that
Sweden has the highest suicide rate in
the world—this was true 17 years ago but
not since. Among European countries,
Austria, Czechoslovakia, Finland, Den-
mark and Hungary all have higher sui-
cide rates than Sweden, which has now
dropped to ninth in the world. Further-
more, Frederic Fleisher points out in
“The New Sweden” that the suicide rate
in other countries may be higher than
official statistics indicate:
[Swedes] argue that pressures for
the concealment of suicide as a death
cause ате almost nonexistent. Their
figures may scem high, but those in
other countries would be much
higher if the strong religious and
moral reasons for concealment were
removed,
A scientific viewpoint оп Swedish sex
uality, finally, would not state that their
morals are worse (or better) than, say,
America’s but merely that they are dif-
ferent—produced not only by modern
developments such ау sex education and
the welfare slate but by the whole history
and culture of the people over thousands
of years. Dr. Phyllis Kronhausen, for
instance, recently told the Chicago Sun
Times that Swedes worry too much
about sex, ave “very honest" and “very
introspective” and ате always afraid. of
hurling someone. It is this complex. na-
tional character that explains why they
сап be tolerant of premarital sex and
(according to a recent government study)
90 percent opposed to adultery. Simi-
larly, Ira L. Reiss points out, in “Pr
marital Sexual Standards in America,
that Swedish attitudes are not less “seri-
ous” than ows but equally solemn (about
different. issues
The Swedish female will not usual-
ly indulge in “heavy petting” unless
she is seriously affectionately involved
and therefore intends to have inter-
course; otherwise, she feels, such
behatior is far too intimate. The
American female pets with much
тоте freedom. ... In this sense, one
might say that although American
women are more virginal than Swed-
tsh women, they are still more pro-
miscuows sexually!
In short, the attempt to evaluate an
entire nation and understand. its ideals,
its realities, ils inevitable conflicts be
tween ideals and realities and how it
evolved to its present state involves a
great deal of scientific-sociological sophis-
lication, а sense of relativism and an
open mind—all of which Mr. Lally's
dogmatic moralism prevents him from
developing.
MATH AS A COMMUNIST PLOT
I received in the mail a leaflet titled
“Is the School House the Proper Place
to Teach Raw Math?” It contained,
among other things, the following 1c-
markable statements:
s, liberal intellectuals,
ists and others of
Commui
godless rat
PLAYBOY
74
dubious loyalty are now pushing
something pretentiously called the
new math in American public schools.
Not one American in a hundred
can understand the so-called new
math, and yet we have all been so
brainwashed by comsymps іп Wash-
ington and in the news media that
we allow this vile and forcign form
of mathematics to be poured into
the cars of innocent children by
nsidious teachers. When are Ameri-
cans going to wake up and realize
what is happening?
How many realize that the foun
ions of the pinko new math
re contained in an infamous tre:
called. Principia Mathematica,
co-authored by the notorious pacifist
Bertrand Russell? This is the same
Bertrand Russell who . . . also wrote
such blasphemous books asone called
Why 1 Am Not a Christian.
Ts this the. kind of man whose
mathematics you want taught to
your little boy or little gi
The new math is an the. first
step in
American values. Next, tlie conspira-
tors plan to replace our fine old
system of weights and measures with
the metric system used in
This system does not even use
but instead employs a purely
nary unit called the meter, thus
causing confusion and disorienta
tion, as is the case with rock must
The inventors of the metric system,
it has been proved, were Frendi
revolutionaries, atheistic freemasons
and Hluminatuses from Bava
Is
eng:
di
this thing for real or is somebody
d in an elaborate joke?
Arnold К. Ravenburst
Chicago. Illinois
It's a putan by a group of young dis-
sidents called the American Anarchist As-
sociation. Bul see the following letter,
In our society, the rationalist eventu-
Шу begins to feel like a onelegged man in
an asskicking contest. The latest news is
that the Commies are not only behind sex
education and rock music but also athlet-
ics, the theater and the new math. I quote
from a recent speech by the Reverend
Raymond Hayden of Hempstead, Lo
d, as reported in the Suffolk Sun:
The Reverend Hayden's proposed
topic was “The Sanctity of Sex," but
he spoke chiefly on what he de-
scribed as an “inevitable Communist
take-over” if sex-education programs
were allowed, . . .
“We are engaged in the Third
World War," the Reverend Hayden
continued. “I'm not looking for
Communists behind every door and
bed, but they're in our churches,
schools and politics.
“They work like this—get control
of public institutions, get people's
attention focused on sex, athletics
1d plays, get their minds off gov-
ernment. Your children will be sepa-
rated from yon, taken away from
you, because you can’t communicate
with them due to new teaching
methods.
“It was the same thing with the
new math—we need to find out
what is going on.’
When will the Flat Earth Society stage
a comeback and ban atheist geography
from our schools?
James O'Malley
Brooklyn, New York
GUNS, YES; SEX, NO
The following excerpts are from an
article in “The Trib,” a suburban section
of the Chicago Tribune. The speakers
show how reasonable and eloquent the
right wing can b
With strains of the Broadway
musical Hair playing im the back-
ground, American es of
northern Illinois heard sex education
in the schools equated with a Com-
munist plot to destroy the country.
George Ray Hudson of Hinsdale,
who spoke on “Sexploitation of
the Young or Moral Disarmament,”
called the teaching of sex without
"wrong in the eyes of
"God will not be
mocked. Nations have tied this be-
fore. A judgment fell upon those
people, and a judgment will fall
upon us,
Hudson compared the present-day
United Statcs to Sodom and Gomor-
rah. “L think we are in а battle for
existence as a nation, which very few
people are aware of or understand.”
Another speaker at the semi
Gene Veseley of Chicago, discussed
"Gun Registration and State Depart-
ment Document 7277."
He said that Col. John Glenn's
endorsement of gun control is un-
usual with his military background.
“Don't forget he slipped and fell
the bathtub and hit his head
before he made that endorsement,”
Veseley said.
D. R. Hickey
ty of Illinois
Champaign, Illinois
PURPOSE OF REGISTRATION
The only possible achievement that
registration of firearms can accomplish is
to make it easier for reigning auth
to confiscate all firearms. If registration
prevents the acquisition of guns by the
папе, the felon, the juvenile, the alco-
holic and the otherwise incompetent,
what guarantee is there that it will stop
at that point? Confiscation cam be
achieved through the use of registration
lists, either by simply taking the guns
from known owners or by taxing the
registered guns so heavily that the own
ers are forced to dispose of them. The
mere existence of registration records
would ultimately destroy the ability of
the private citizen to own his arms [ree-
ly and secretly. If rrAvnoY favors con-
fiscation, say so in virile fashion, please,
and cut out the phony arguments in
behalf of mere registration.
Norris M. Goodwin
Attorney at Law
Oroville, Californi
Sce the answer to the following letter.
PREVENTING MURDER
I support your position as stated in
the Playboy Forum concerning gun-con-
trol legislation, but I was taken aback by
the fact that about three fourths of all
murders in the U. $. occur between per-
sons known or related to each other. As
I understand most proposed gun-control
legislation, no law-abiding citizen would
be prevented from owning а gun—jusc
those whose past indicates some history
of mental instability or criminality. If
this is so, the law would not appear to
be as effective as some of us had hoped.
Since these probably law-abiding people
would own guns for protection or for
sport, I don't see how registration laws
can prevent murders committed
heat of passion. In this type of murder,
the perpetrator usually gives himself up.
or, at least, is quickly apprehended, In
three quarters of all murders, therefore,
registration would point the finger but
would not act as an effective preventive
Capt. John P. Gagne
Hampton, Virginia
By and large, you're right. The prob-
lem is to prevent firearms from being
misused or stolen while still making
them available to law-enforcement agents
and to sportsmen for legitimate pur-
poses. A system that works well for the
English police, who normally do nol
carry guns, is to check firearms out of
police stations when needed, Similarly,
on most military posts, weapons are nor-
mally kept locked in rifle racks or ar-
mores and ammunition is stored in
ammo dumps to prevent accidents or
misuse. By extension, we think a possible
solution lo the problem of gun abuse in
America would be for firearms to be
checked in local armories from which
sportsmen could take them out for a
specific purpose. In order to preclude
the danger of such a setup becoming a
Government monopoly on weapons, these
armories could be administered by private
sportsmen's organizations.
Sociology Professor Marvin E. Wolf-
gang commented in a letter to Time on
the practicality of such a system:
Illegal possession would still oc-
cur, but availability of weapons
The Legend of 100 Pipers
There's a legend
that says you hear
one Piper playing when
you sip a good Scotch.
Two Pipers. if the
Scotch is smooth.
Maybe five or six.
if it's mellow.
But only when you
sip a truly great. great
Scotch will you ever hear
one hundred Pipers.
So goes the legend.
Seagram captured this
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Which tells you
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Seagranis 2
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Seagram's 100 Pipers Scotch.
Taste that matches legend.
Seetch Whisky. Im
PLAYBOY
76
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would be so limited that to obtain a
gun illegally would be a most trou-
blesome and expensive task. The
domeslic quarrel born from the
high pitch of passion is less likely to
end in homicide when a gun is not
nearby. The annual 2500 accidental
deaths due to guns would be re-
duced to a negligible amount. Oc-
casional governmental requests for
voluntary submission of all unau-
thorized guns, under amnesty, would
be made, as in England.
ABOLISHING THE DEATH PENALTY
I believe that society must maintain
some means of expiation for wrongdoi
but the sooner we do away with capital
punishment the sooner we will have a
better society. Attorney Louis Nizer has
written:
Expiation, while desirable, is a
theological concept. Punishment is a
vengeance concept. Even reliance on
the “eye for eye—tooth for tooth"
pr inciple of the Mosaic Code should
be read in the light of the prior
practice of killing whole families for
the death of one person. “Eye for an
eye” was actually a limitation of the
revenge principle rather than а
proclamation of it. It was an at-
tempt to humanize the principle of
retribution. Furthermore it should
not be read literally, but rather as a
confirmation of the old principle that
the punishment should fit the crime.
Strapping a human being into an clec
піс chair to burn him alive, hanging
him by the neck until hes dead or
putting him up against a wall so a group
of soldiers can spray him with bullets—
these are not humane acts, They arc
barbarous, As long as man continues to
idolize the savage institution of murder
by the state, he will fail to live up to his
potential as a human Бей
Joseph La Rosa
Bristol, Pennsylvania
INTELLECTUAL DOVES
After reading mar
papers and magazines by those intellec
tual doves who favor the abolition of
capital punishment, I just have to get a
few thoughts out of my system.
They say the death penalty does not
deter crime, Bah! 1 say they are wrong
These smart people do not know it,
but the trouble with this country is that
there are too many educated doves and
not enough plain ordinary folks with
honest common sense. The whole nation
is on the downgrade because punish-
ments are not severe emough—in the
home, in the courts or anywhere.
Im an eighth-grade graduate, but my
mind tells me these intellectuals arc all
wrong.
articles in various
AI Siegrist
Norwich, Connecticut
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LEGISLATOR OF THE YEAR
‘The following item from the Philadel-
phia Evening Bulletin speaks for itself:
While a man who had just served
three years in prison for a rape he
didn't commit sat nearby . - . a Phil-
adelphia legislator introduced a bill
that would make rape punishable by
death.
The bill was introduced by Rep.
Harry R. J. Comer and cosponsored
by Rep. Anita Kelly, both Philadel-
phia Democrats.
The victim of the miscarriage of
justice was Gordon J. Ragan, a 22
year-old Philadelphian who was freed
after serving three years for the rape
of the wile of a University of Penn-
sylvania profesor by а тап who
looked like him.
Asked what would happen in
cases like Ragan's if the death penal-
ty were involved, Comer replied:
"Tough."
1 think Representative Comer deserves
a Legislator of the Year award, but I'm
not sure whether he should get it from
the thuggee death worshipers of India
or the Russian secret police.
Tina Malate
Philadelph
‚ Pennsyl
MURDERING THE MURDERER
І have read with some interest the
letters to The Playboy Forum about cap-
pment and, insofar as they ar-
gue for a complete banning of the death
penalty, I find them rather unconvinc-
ing. I cannot grasp why a known mur-
derer should not be executed, instead of
being a charge of the state for life.
Naturally, there needs to be a careful
definition of exactly what a known mur
derer is. But, once that is established, why
should the citizenry pay to feed, dothe
and shelter a murderer for the rest of his
life?
What annoys me most about the pas-
sionate pleas for abolition is the con
stant reference to the hypocrisy of socie
for doing what the individual is uot a
lowed to do. Only if individuals are foi
bidden to commit murder is there any
hope that collectives can eventually be
imilarly restrained, Nazi Germany
1 what can happen when the tıboo
on killing is relaxed: and it illustrated.
why this absolute needs to be retained.
John B. Hayter
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Murderers serving life terms do not
need to be supported by the citizenry
The fact that they often are is a defect of
management and budgeting in our penal
system; under intelligent administration,
murderers and other convicts could per-
form enough useful work to pay the state
for their upkeep. Even under our present
system, it is still cheaper to keep a pris-
oner alive than to execute him. Dr.
Hans W. Mattick, of the University of
ital pui
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The store within a store at Sears, Roebuck and Co.
Chicago, has calculated that the average
cost of executing a man in America is
around $15,000 more than the cost of
keeping him in prison for life (see “The
Playboy Forum,” September 1967). This
is because growing public repugnance
to the death penalty and the extreme
difficulty of knowing that a man is rea
guilty (a problem you underestimate, we
think) have led to a system of costly judi-
cial reviews; cases like Caryl Chessman's
(12 years on death vow and eight reprieves
before execution) are becoming common-
place rather than rare. Under the cir-
cumstances, it is economical, as well as
humane, to abolish capital punishment
Your second argument that socicty will
learn to become less violent if it continues
1o execute people is implausible, to say the
least, After all, you are basically arguing
that the way to establish a rule is to
violate that rule—a theory that implies
we should rob the robber, таре the vapist
and (if possible) defraud the fraudulent.
We think il more reasonable to assume
that societies, like individuals, can best
create respect for a social norm by first
obeying that norm themselves. In short,
ў our Government continues to preach
nonviolence while practicing violence, it
will continue to sound hypociitical—and
unconvincing.
PRISON PROSTITUTES
The denial of any heterosexual rela-
tionships in prison is dreadful to con-
templ:
- The present concern with a
solution is imperative, but are conjugal
visits the answer? Granted, any change is
an improvement over the present system,
but what about the men who have no
wives or girlfriends? Their physical de-
sires are as great as other men's
Prostitution is ever present in our soci-
ety, outside the prison walls. Along with
conjugal visits, I sce prostitution as an
answer to the homosexuality problem
within the prisons today, a solution
hopefully encompassing the needs of a
greater number of the prisoners.
Molly Caple
University of Colorado
Boulder, Colorado
SEX IN PRISON
Anything that can be done to stop
homosexuality in prisons (with or with-
out conjugal visits) would be a big step.
forward. I have done almost seven years
in the Federal systems and am about to
return, if found guilty when I go to tria
here. In any case, I have to do another.
nine months for parole violation, Many
a night Ive lain in my bunk and
watched love being made (if you care to
call it that). I don’t have anything
пс homos, but they do make it that
much harder to do your time.
Denver R. Mathis
Nez Perce County Jail
Lewiston, Idaho
THE HOMOSEXUAL'S LIFE
Thank you for your efforts toward
justice for all human beings, including
homosexuals. My own life has been suc-
cessful in all the trad and socially
accepted ways: I am a respected mem-
ber of the community, a taxpayer, a
Navy veteran, a. business leader and an
executive. But my life is also a charade
that will end only with my death. Imag
ine a man who faces all the usual daily
problems that everyone else has, but on
тор of that, is forced to lie about his
deepest and most sincere [celings, even
to members of his family. This is what
the homosexual is faced with every day
of his life. Hopefully. the day will come
when misunderstanding will be replaced
with understanding
(Name withheld by request)
San Diego, California
INFECTIOUS HOMOSEXUALITY
A reader wrote to the Charleston,
West Virginia, Daily Mail asking whether
or not there is any physical danger in:
volved in homosexuality. And you know
they told him? “Definitely yes,
Dr. Page Scekford, city/county health
director. “There exists a very great
danger from the vencrealdlisease staind-
point,” he said, “as well as other aspects."
Nice to know that heterosexual love is
always germ-free, “as well as other as-
pects.”
wha
(Name withheld by
С! leston, West Vi
quest)
"AMERICAN APARTHEID'
T have filed a complaint against the
Internal Revenue Service. The basis ol
this suit is Section 1942.81 of the In-
ternal Revenue Service Manual, under
which IRS employees may he disciplined
or dismissed. for nonbusiness association
with homosexuals. Under this rule, an
employee does not have to be proved to
have had sexual relations with a homo.
sexual. Mere itself is
enough to bring down the ax.
As an American citizen and a homo-
sexual, I feel that this deprives me of my
freedom to associate with any employees
association
i
out of my taxes) and I intend to fight
this case to the limit. I am joincd in this
Government (who are paid, in part,
suit by the Mattachine Society of Wash-
ington and the North American Confer-
ence of Homophile Organizations, acting
on behalf of the homosexuals in
‘The three plaintiffs in the suit are repre
sented by William L. Sollee of the Ameri-
can Civil Liberties Union. The A. C. L. U.
merica.
has characterized the IRS policy as
kind of "Americam apartheid, directed
not at Negroes but at homosexuals.”
Franklin E. Kameny, Ph.D.
Washington, D. C.
HOUNDING HOMOSEXUAIS
А thought occurred to me while read-
ing the letters in The Playboy Forum
regarding the persecution of homosexu-
als. My thesis is that those who ha
ually harass and persecute homosexuals
have found the tendency to homosexuali-
ty to varying degrees within themselves.
Their attack on others, then, is an ex-
ample of what Freud called “reaction
formation” or the manifestation of
actions and emotions directly opposite
to one's real feelings.
Mike Tigges
Wadena, Minnesota
Most Freudian psychoanalysts do, in-
deed, believe that anyone who shows
pronounced hatred of homosexuals is
fighting a battle against homosexual im-
pulses within himself. Clinical psycholo-
Albert Ellis disagrees, however:
The psychoanalytical theory that
when we hate something inordinale-
ly, our hatred is really a “reaction
formation” against an underlying
love is only sometimes truc. More
often, it is probably false: We hate
because we have been taught to
hate, not because of any complicated
“reaction formation.” Specifically,
people who persecute homosexuals
are typically rigid, bigoted charac-
ters who have а generally intolerant
attitude toward all minorities. They
were raised by strict, narrow-minded,
very conventional parents and were
indoctrinated from youth onward
to be hostile to anything or any
person that departs from the norms
of their own houschold. In short,
antihomosexual bias is only one of
their many hang-ups.
In our opinion, the Freudian theory
probably applies primarily 10 those who
make an obsessive, personal crusade out
of hounding homosexuals, but the aver-
age bias is best explained by Dr. Ellis
common-sense psychology.
HOMOSEXUALS AND PSYCHIATRY
I disagree with some of the homosex-
uals who have written to. The Playboy
Forum, attacking psychiatrists. At the age
of 18, after realizing that my own ori
tation was homosexual, I underwent
therapy with a competent psych
spending eight months in weckly sessions
with him. He did not immediately try
10 alter me into heterosexuality but
spent the first months in helping me to
discover why I was homosexual and how
ingrained that preference was. When we
both understood the nature of my partic-
se, we agreed—mutually—dhat ad-
justing me would be a long, difficult and
probably impossible task. The remainder
of my therapy consisted of teaching me
how to live with my homosexuality and
not torment myself with perpetual guilt,
shame and self-hatred.
I will always be grateful to this psy-
chiatrist, and I wish other homosexuals
—whose shrill self-justifications are
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PLAYBOY
obviously a mask for deep self-doubt—
could have the benefit of similar therapy.
(Name withheld by request)
Niagara Falls, New York
PSYCHIATRIC INJUSTICE
I read with interest the brief descrip-
ion in the May Forum Newsfront of the
experiences of psychologists Bohr and
Steinberg, who became pseudo mental
paticnts at Philadelphia State Hospital.
Unfortunately, 1 am able to comment on
the basis of firsthand knowledge, since I
was а mental patient at Central Islip
State Hospital on Long Island in two
commitments totaling one year.
‘My first thought when I read that “all
they really had to do . . . was notify an
attendant that they wanted to sec the
lead psychiatrist" was that they took
one hell of a chance. I assume the state-
ment refers to the head of the entire
institution, not just of the building in
which they were detained. Such adminis-
trators do not normally see patients. At-
tendants take for granted that their
charges are not rational people and I
doubt that an attendant would accept
that two of the patients had a rational,
mate reason for seeing the head
psychiatrist. Their request would prob-
ably have been ignored.
In any as, all that these men could
expect to find out was how it feels for a
normal, sane, rational person to be a
mental patient. Bona fide mental pa-
tients would perceive the кате rea
differently. Some of them wouldn't even
be aware of being in a mental hospital.
One's perceptions аге also partially dc-
termined by previous experience, To a
derelict without money, the hospital, with.
beds and three meals а day, is а paradise.
1 am curious as to what type of ward
or building the two psychologists were
assigned. Assuming they behaved as nor-
people, they would quickly be as-
signed to a ward for those on the road to
recovery and release. This would spare
them from being surrounded by people
incapable of speech, unable to control
their bodily functions, making loud, in-
coherent sounds or conversing with in-
ternal voices. I gather also that they were
not in a ward where the patients and
attendants were constantly violent. There,
the chief problem would be fear,
1 agree that chronic boredom is the
major problem in a mental hospital.
‘There is nothing to do but watch televi-
sion, and choice of program and volume
not in the hands of the average
patient. Of course, one may be in a ward
where card tables are provided and
where there is at least one other patient
able to play. But two-handed gin gets
boring, too. Usually the chairs are very
uncomfortable and there are too many
distractions to permit much reading. A
patient is lucky if he is assigned to a
ward where there is someone with whom
he can talk. Presumably, the two psychol-
are
ogists had each other to converse with,
So they couldn't begin to feel the way a
patient, totally alone and isolated, feels.
I wonder exactly how long Drs. Bohr
and Steinberg pretended to be patients
before terminating the experiment. I
doubt that they stayed a year or even
several months; therefore, I doubt tha
they found out how it feels to be а
long-term mental patient. I am also won-
dering whether the psychologists imitat-
ed the inmates to the extent that they took
medicine in the amounts normally given
actual patients and whether they experi-
enced any of the frequently occurring and
disturbingly painful side effects.
Timothy Shackelford
Blue Point, New York
SHOCK TREATMENT
During three out of the past eight
years, I have been a patient in various
mental hospitals I was not railroaded;
the majority of times I went in volun-
tarily. However. the treatment I received
was nothing I would have willingly sub-
mitted to. I'm referring to what
known in my home state as Georgia
power—in other words, shock treatment
or electroconvulsive therapy.
This is the induction of a coma in a
person by means of am electric current
passed through the temporal area of the
head. ‘The majority of psychiatrists and
al textbooks say that this treatment
is painless. From the viewpoint of one
who about 40 of these
sessions, I would say they are anything
but. Imagine, if you will, lying on a
couch with three or four attendants
standing over you: a rubber gag is placed
in your mouth (this is 10 keep you from
chewing off your tongue during treat-
ment); then large jolts of electricity are
passed through your head, without an
anesthetic.
These treatments cause varying de-
grees of memory loss for different lengths
of time. It is a terrifying experience to
wake up and not be able to remember
your wife's name, your address, what day
or what month it is or where you are. I
was on the dean's list in college, in a
National Honor Society fraternity (Phi
Eta Sigma) and quite a good student, prior
to my encounters with shock therapy. It
has been about four years since iy last ses-
sion, and I can barely recall the names of
the universities I attended, much less
anything about the subject I studied,
which was nuclear physics.
‘This type of therapy is not only pain-
ful but it cin have a disastrous effect оп
the Ше of the patient. I think shock
treatment should be eliminated from
mental hospitals; possibly it could be
replaced by some sort of drug therapy. I
hope other ex nts will speak up and
let the public know their feelings on this
subject.
sustained
Charles S. Pennewell, Jr.
Atlanta, Georgia
INSURANCE SNOOPERS
І must agree with your July Forum
Newsfront item about irresponsible snoop-
ing by insurance companies. As a former
insurance investigator myself, let mc give
you more of the deplorable details, In
most cases, the insurance companies sub
contract this dirty work to retailcredit
comp: The sleuths who do the job
are usually ill-trained and always rushed,
so they turn in everything they hear with-
out checking it for accuracy. One mali-
dous remark by an unfriendly neighbor
even if untrue, can lead to your policy
being canceled,
Worse: The report stays in the file of
the retaileredit company after being
shown to the insurance people. The next
time you are rejected for a job, it might
be because that report still haunts your
tracks. Thus, one investigator's crror
could ruin your life for years and you
would never know the source of your
troubles. I don't see what all this has to
do with selling insurance: that's why 1
am no longer in the business.
Н. Айе
New York, New York
YOUR PAST IS SHOWING
An item in the July Forum Newsfront
described several instances in which in-
surance policies were canceled for absurd
reasons and remarked that "hundreds of
had been reported. ‘The
item referred to “the Big Brotherism of
the insurance industry.” Dchind that Di
Brother is a little brother—the insurance
investigator, an occupation I worked at
for some time.
All the insurance companies I know
use investigating agencies, which are usu-
ally separate entities from their dient
companies. These agencies are extremely
publicityshy and their names are not
known to the general public, but they
have offices all over the country and they
keep files on anyone likely to apply for
insurance. If a person is arrested watch-
ing stig movies in New York and 1
applies for a policy at a later date.
Miami, the information about his |
will probably turn up in his file and his
application will be rejected for so-called
moral reasons, But he will never be told
specifically that the arrest in New York
was the reason for rejection. The infor-
mation will simply follow him and be
held against him wherever he goes.
As is the case with any industry, there
is a certain amount of slipshod work
done in the insurance-investigating field.
In my office, one had to report on 14 to
18 cases daily, and we were expected to
find as many bad risks as possible. Like
the traffic cop who gives out too few
tickets, the investigator who does not
find many bad risks is looked at askance
by his superiors. The haste and pres-
sure of the job lead to us kinds
of dishonesty. If there is enough old
(continued on page 208)
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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: ROWAN AND MARTIN
а candid conversation with the dynamic duo of television
When “Rowan and Martin's Laugh-
In" debuted on NBG in January 1968, а
sizable portion of the Monday-night au-
dience sat gaping at the videotaped sen-
sory assault of rapid-fire nonsense. Amid
the flurry of one-liners, black-culs, sight
gags, slapstick, knock-knock jokes and
wacky non sequiturs stood the veteran
night-club team that had made this dream
of an all-comedy television hour a laugh-
able reality—Dan Rowan and Dick Mar-
lin. Having perfected their craft in 15
years of club bookings, personal appear-
ances and TV guest shots, they stroll on
stage like a pair of tuxedoed pals at a
countryclub dinner who just stepped out
onto the lerrace for a smoke. “Skiing
sure is tiring,” sighs Dick, hands in his
pockets, rocking on his heels.
“What's so living about skiing down a
mountain?” Dan replies with reluctant
curiosity.
“Down?” Martin gasps.
In this traditional idiot-straight man
relationship, Rowan is the very essence
of staid, mature wisdom, doggedly offer-
ing sane counsel to his nitwil companion,
who seems unable to shake his preoccu-
pation with sex. “You could use a litile
more weight,” Rowan observes, noticing
his partners gaunt morning-after look.
“You shoulda been with me last
night,” Martin chortles. “I put on about
a hundred and eighteen pounds.”
“I don't want to hear about it,” says
Dan.
Despite the illusion of casual spon-
laneity they manage to create in these
absurd exchanges, their timing, suggests
that this failure lo communicate has
on for years—and, indeed, й
been goin
has. In 1952, at the suggestion of а
mutual friend, Dan and Dick collab-
oraled on some comedy material that
they then decided to perform themselves;
they broke in their act without pay at
a small Los Angeles night club. Though
both had been professional writers in
the Forties, they found that they devel-
oped their best material through impro-
visation, Dan offering a conversational
premise and. Dick twisting it through the
convolutions of his sex-crazed perspec-
tive. After four years of playing such
scintillating night spots as the Davonian
Club in Hobbs, New Mexico, they were
finally discovered in Florida by Waller
Winchell, who alerted the national press
to their existence; the results were betler
pay, better bookings and, cventually, а
film contract at Universal Studios.
But their first release, in 1957, “Once
upon a Horse,” bombed at the box
office and they spent the next several
years back on the road, struggling 10
regain lost momentum. After ABC reject-
ed their pilot for a “Laugh-In’—style com-
edy show in 1962, the constant traveling
and monotony of the night-club circuit
began to take its toll on their energies
and they decided to confine their activi-
ties to the relative security of the big
casino lounges in Reno and Las V
proved to be an excellent decision. Dean
Martin liked their work and booked them
as guests on his show and, soon after,
NBG signed them up as hosts for Dean's
summer-replacement series.
With this network exposure, Rowan
and Martin were back on top, headlin-
ing in the main rooms and being courted
D 5
s “Taugh-in”
by NBC for a weekly television series of
their own. George Schlatter, ап inde-
pendent producer with ideas as bizarre
as their own, joined with them lo de-
velop a format based on their concept
of cartoon humor; and together they
managed 10 get NBG vice-president Ed
Friendly interested enough to quit his
network job and join their production
company. Rejecting such titles as “Put
On,” “The Wacky World of Now,” “On
the Funny Side of Life" and “High
Camp," they called the show “Rowan
and Martin's Laugh-In"—and within 12
weeks of its premiere, they found them-
selues fourth in the national ratings. By
the end of the season, they carried off
four Emmy awards. In addition to re-
peating their television success this year,
they also completed their second film,
“The Mallese Bippy," for producers Bob
Enders and Everett Freeman, and have
contracted for two more.
If Rowan, 47, takes his success calmly,
it may be because he was literally born
into show business, when the carnival
with which his parents toured made a
stop in Beggs, Oklahoma. By the age of
four, he was dancing and singing in the
touring show, but his career terminated
abruptly when he was orphaned ai 11.
After repeated attempts to escape from
the Colorado orphanage that took him
in, he was finally adopted and spent the
next few years finishing high school and
working at odd jobs. At 19, he hitched
a ride to Los Angeles and found a job
as a junior writer at Paramount; but he
quit to join the Air Corps during World
War Two. When Rowan’s P40 was shot
down сост seriously
cw Guinea, he w
rowan: There might be a
case for censorship if people
ете forced 10 look at televi-
tion. But по one holds a gun
to your head and insists you
watch "Laugh-In.""
MARTIN: J belong to Bride-
grooms Anonymous. Whenever
1 feel like getting married,
they send over a lady in a
housecoat and hair curlers to
burn my toast for me.
rowan: Jf I had to step out
of television today, Га be
broke tomorrow. It's a pottery
empire built on the fragile un-
derpinnings of a comedy team
called Rowan and Martin.
martin: We are aciors play-
ing comics. I am not what you
see on stage. I am not inept,
1 am not bumbling and 1 am
not dumb, but it's worked јог
me to play that character.
83
PLAYBOY
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injured, апа he spent the remaining years
of the War behind a desk. When he те
turned to Los Angeles after the War,
he married a runner-up im the Miss
America Contest (the marriage ended in
divorce 12 years and three children later)
and began selling used cars, eventually
going into partnership on а foreign-car
agency. When his interest in automobiles
began to dwindle, he planned a return to.
show business and began preparing for а
career as an actor. At that point, he met
Dick Martin.
Martin, also 47, had come to Los
Angeles from Batlle Creek, Michigan, in
1943, after giving up a job on the Ford
assembly line. At 22, he was hired as a
writer for “Duffy's Tavern,” a popular
radio show, but spent his evenings tend-
ing bar at various places in and around
Los Angeles. In 1946, inspired by the
work of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis,
he formed his own comedy act with an
unemployed actor named Artie Lewis;
though they claimed to be the real Мат.
tin and Lewis, the parinership dissolved
within three weeks, much to the relief of
everyone who caught their act. After
another unsuccessful team effort with a
young comedienne—this one lasted less
than а year—Martin resumed his post be-
hind the bar, met Dan Rowan and tried
again, this time with obvious success. To-
day, having himself been married and di-
vorced in the interim, Martin divides his
lime among a number of young ladies,
plays golf almost daily and lives com[ort-
ably in a small Beverly Hills bachelor
house. Rowan and his second wife, a
former model, take [ull advantage of the
tennis court and swimming pool at their
spacious Holmby Hills hacienda; and his
new Florida beach house provides a con-
venient anchorage for their two boats.
Both men seem self-assured, secure and
pleased with their success and the afflu-
ence it’s brought them.
Five days before the world premiere of
“The Maltese Rippy,” eravuov Assistant
Editor Harold Ramis met Rowan and
Martin at the cavernous Anaheim, Cali-
fornia, Convention Genter, the second
stop on their belween-seasons tour of 13
American and Canadian cities. The high-
light of the evening came when the two
did a very funny—and somewhat sugges-
tive—rouline on the birds and the bees;
literally, on the reproductive systems of
flowers. Despite the relative mildness of
the double-entendres on which the dialog
is based, it was clearly not the kind of
material anyone would be likely to hear
on television. With that in mind, Ramis
began the interview after the show by
questioning Rowan and Martin about
the nalure and extent of television
censorship.
PLAYBOY: Senator Pastore deplores what
he feels is an overabundance of sex and
violence on television. Do you think he's
right?
ROWAN: "here's plenty of violence on
television, but not nearly enough sex. Of
course, in Ameri we all realize that
violence is acceptable but sex isn't. It
would be a terribly dirty, ugly picture to
show two people banging away in the
bushes, but if you want to show someone
blowing a guy's brains out, that's another
story.
MARTIN: I once watched an episode of
Combat and in one hour, 53 men were
killed. If mild allusions to sex are more
offensive than watching all that slaugh-
ter, Шеп something’s drastically wrong
with ou
ROWAN: "That's the kind of absurd moral-
ity we abhor on our show. Let's say you
wanted to show the film / Ат Curious
(Yellow) on TV. If people objected to it
becus 's one of the dullest goddamn
movies ever made, that would be perfect
ly valid. But if they objected to the fact
that it shows fornication, then 1 would
fail to understand their reasoning. If
God hadn't made it such a pleasant act,
if it were really so distasteful, we obvi-
ously wouldn’t be here to talk about it
MARTIN: That reminds me of something
my aunt once said
ROWAN: Really? Why don't you include
it in your memoirs?
MARTIN: She had gone to do a survey for
the television networks to find out what
American nudists were watching,
ROWAN: I'll bite, What were they watdı
ing?
MARTIN: Well, it wasn't television. Would
you like to know what they were watch-
ing?
ROWAN: Maybe later, Di
feel up to it right now.
PLAYBOY: Neither do we. How do you
account for Senator Pastore's attempts to
stille free expression in television while
the other media are enjoying unprece
dented license?
MARTIN: I can't. Let's say that 75 percent
of all Broadway and nightclub humor is
based on sex. If it's such an objection
able topic, why are people paying $9 for
a theater ticket, or $25 to sit in a night
dub and listen to it? You сап now say
anything you want on the stage or in a
film, and nobody's offended if Buddy
Hackett says "ass" in his act. But some-
body once told us that we shouldn't even
talk about marijuana on our show. Well,
we talk about it, because it’s happening.
A line's been drawn somewhere by some-
body who thinks that real issues, impor-
tant problems cin be handled only on
discussion shows. David Susskind has a
talk show and conducts open discussions
on subjects such as homosexuality, Les-
Dianisin, narcotics addiction—things we
wouldn't dare approach with any real
frankness on our show. We've gotten
some things on the air that surprise a
lot of people, but 1 think that's only be
cause the show is paced so fast that by
the time someone realizes he's heard
. 1 just don't
After a few years, it starts to look beautiful.
“Ugly, is
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something objectionable, he's Forgotten
what it was he objected to.
ROWAN: The sponsors have had a lot to
do with inhibiting TV content. Do you
know that you couldn't say the name
Tennessee Ernie Ford on the Dinah
Shore Chery show? And when we worked
on Dinah Shore's summer show, we
couldn't use the word crazy in a sketch,
because the sponsors were afraid we'd
offend the Mental Health Institute.
MARTIN: One of the best things that ever
happened to help our show was to hav
it multiply sponsored, When you're spon
sored by one product, youre
n advertising agency that's afr
ing its client; you're ир
wile who may or may not like what
you're doing: and, in general, you're up
against terrifying moguls who can inflict
their will on the artists, the writers and
the producers.
ROWAN: But we've got five or six partici
pating sponsors in an hour and none of
them has any control over the content of
our show. There is one guy from Breck
who hangs around, but he just happens
to be a friend of everybody's. In fact, he
really caught hell from his company over
something we did, in spite of the fact
that he had no control over it. Breck is a
subsidiary of American Cyanamid
we gave the Fickle Finger of Fate to the
drug industry one week. In the sketch,
Jo Anne Worley has a prescription filled
in a drugstore and the pharmacist says,
‘That'll be fvefift, please." But she
doesn't have cnough money; so when the
guy turns around, she leaves 50 cents on
the counter and walks out. The druggist
picks up the 50 cents and says, “Oh, well,
I still made a quarter on it” The dru:
folks were very upset.
MARTIN: We also did a salute to smoking
thar was totally against cigarettes. though
we happened to be sponsored by two
cigarette companies at the time. That
was considered a little daring, but, to their
credit, we still have them as sponsors.
PLAYBOY: In the absence of sponsor con-
wol, what kind of limitations docs the
network impose on the show?
ROWAN: The network has been very good
about the whole thing. When they decid
ed to go with the show as a series, they
assigned a full-time censor, Sandy Cum-
mings, a very bright guy, and he under
stands the problem, We like to think
that we've broken the bounds of regi
mented thinking-
MARTIN: In my opinion, the best censors
we have arc ourselves. Our hcad writer
and coproducer. Paul Keyes. has ex
tremely good taste: he's stopped ап aw
ful lot of stuff before it ever got into a
script
ty writers, as we have, and vou tell them
that they're free to write
want, vou must assume that they're going
p against
1 of los
ліпу a sponsor's
and
Naturally, when you have 13 nut
nything they
to come up with some pretty weird stuff
Televis have never been as
free in the past as they are on our show.
ion writers
We don't have to assign them monologs
or lead-ins to write. They don't have to
think in terms of beginnings. middles
and endings. Our scripts contain as
many as 950 non sequiturs, totally unre
lated bits, so it's really to our advantage
not to put restrictions on our writers.
ROWAN: With so many separate bits in
the show. it's impossible for the network
to make any gencral restricions, like,
ап say this; you can't say that.”
t lay down guidelines for a
no-format format. As far as the mechan-
ics of the thing go, the routine they
follow at NBC is different from at CBS
or at the off-Broadway network, ABC.
The NBC people look at the first script
the writers submit and then they make
sometimes rather voluminous
notes, about dillerent segments of it. For
instance, they may write, "Item number
12—'Kiss my ass.—Unacceptable.” Well,
we don't fight them on that, because we
knew it was unacceptable when we put it
there. Or eke we may claim typo-
aphical error. If it were a Cleopatra
sketch, then we could say, “Look, it's sup-
posed to read, "Kiss my asp. " Then they
say, “That's still unacceptable. We don't
like Egyptian humor.
PLAYBOY; Can you remember any other
lines that have offended the censor?
ROWAN: Well, Jo Anne Worley isa rather
buxom, wellendowed lady. and we once
ve Пе cameo 10 do—
ugs." Wait a
notes,
one-word
andy Cummings said
minute. Everybody knows that jugs is а
can't s
ay ‘tits’
euphemism for breasts. You 7
that, any more than you could
or “knockers.” So our producer fought
him on that and we finally did the bit
with her holding a pair of earthenware
jugs: we still got the point across, but
this made it acceptable to the censors
Га much prefer, of course, to let the
public act as its own censor. If you
object to something, you don't have to
watch it, you don't have to read it, you
don't have to listen to it, Censorship is
an infringement on freedom. People are
smart enough to pick and choose what
they want to see, Other countries have
adopted much more liberal attitudes to-
ward the whole problem, and | don't
think it’s hurt the Danes or the Swedes.
PLAYBOY: Some of the one-liners you use
on the air are punch lines to some rather
explicit and. well-known sex jokes. Do
you refrain from telling them in the
cutirety because of the number of your
people who watch your show?
MARTIN: Well, 1 wouldn't want to say on
the air a lot of the things that are said in
a night club or a legitimate theater, but
I do think we have to realize that our
whole concept of youth has changed
since the Andy Hardy days. Га bet 51000
that most of the H-ycar-olds watching
could tell us those jokes. A young person
as alert, intelligent
today may be
sophisticated at 14 or 15 as we were
ог 20. But society still wants to judge
Why did over 3/4 million record and
tape collectors pay $5 to join
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87
PLAYBOY
88
L'AIR DU TEMPS
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Аш
their ability to vote or their capacity to.
drink alcohol by their age, not by their
intelligence or maturity.
ROWAN: If kids were being tied to their
chairs and forced to look at the televi-
sion screen, I think there might be a
legitimate case for censorship. But no
one holds a gun to your head and insists
you watch Laugh-In or any other show
MARTIN: What's really happening today is
that kids have finally found out that
fucking is more fun than baseball We
used to run around with the balland
bat thing. We were really dummies. The
kids today don't have our hang-ups.
They think it's bullshit to feel guilty
about sex. Balling to them is just like
shaking hands, and all we can think of
to say is, "Oh, that's terrible. What's
happening to the world?” Well, what's
happening is that they're cre
guilt-free society. I'm not sayi
everybody should jump on everybody
else—although I can't find a whole lot
wrong with that, cither—but it's wrong
for people to grow up thinking that sex
is only for married people and. even
then, only to have babies How the
churches ever got people to believe that,
TI neyer understand. But kids today
know intuitively that nobody has то be
hurt by sex. They just swing with it,
groove with it and 1, for one, say. “Good
for them.
ROWAN: 1 don't think we can overlook the
fact that these things happen in cydes.
‘What we consider rather daring has been
done openly and casually in other socie-
tics and cultures throughout the centu-
ries, Sexual morality is really relative.
There are places in the world where, if
you discover a woman in the nude, the
first thing she covers is her eyes. She
doesn’t want to witness your embarrass-
ment at haying seen her in the nude.
Other places, the women may cover their
kneecaps; they're kneecap freaks, 1 guess.
Sexual morality should be left to the
individual. If you don't hurt someone
then that's
else by your sexual behavior
where it's at. 1 don't think the case for
heterosexuality has ever been made
strongly enough to believe that some of
history's great figures were bad guys be-
cause they happened to be homosexuals.
PLAYBOY: Considering the trend toward in-
creasing sexual candor in the other media,
do you think television audiences would
welcome more rcalistic programing?
ROWAN: I don't know. The networks have
historically followed rather than led the
public, which is usually leagues ahead of
corporate thinking. But uying to gucss
what the public wants is a fool's game.
I'm inclined to view the public as an at-
tractive woman who's sitting in the comer
booth with a bottle of wine, waiting for
someone to make advances to her. She
t going to make the first move, so you
do. In the end, you may stimulate her or
you may lose her completely. I think it
is
was right for us to assume that the public
was tired of standard situation comedies
and variety shows.
MARTIN: Which is not to say that they
were completely ready for what we have
to offer. There were people who objected
10 our use of Negroes on the show. We
had one dance number that ended with
the guys kissing the girls—a liule peck.
Well, Flip Wilson was paired with Judy
Carne and, naturally, at the end of the
number he kissed her. That may have
been the first time this happened on
television and we got some mail on ii
We've ako gotten some mail on wh:
people consider “disrespect.” We did a
salute to funerals that drew some com
ment; but, surprisingly enough, funeral
directors themselves had some very nice
things to say—things like, "Hey, it’s
about time somebody put a little levity
into this business.”
ROWAN: The National Rifle Association
wasn't quite so pleased. We gave them
the Fickle Finger of Fate one week for
opposing the passage of gun-control leg-
islation that the majority of Americans
overwhelmingly favored, They're so well
organized that whenever anybody takes а
shot at them, they run a notice in their
magazine, saying, "Write these guys and.
tell them to shut up about gun contol.”
So we got a really wellorganized re-
sponse from them.
MARTIN: But, all in all, | think we've
generated more favorable response than
unfavorable. We felt compelled to give a
Fickle Finger award. for example, to the
California state legislature, which was
actually considering a bill that would
allow used-car dealers to turn the speed:
ometers back to zero.
ROWAN: Yeah, can you imagine that? If a
customer came in and asked how many
miles a car had on it, the salesman could
say, “Well, its somewhere between
20,000 and 100,000 miles." After we gave
the award, the guy who sponsored the
bill stood up on the floor and really tore
into us. He said, "These guys are inter
fering with due process.” But the people
who opposed it gave us credit for hav-
ing defeated it on the floor. A similar
situation occurred when the people of
Youngstown, Ohio, decided mot to in-
crease their school appropriations at a
time when they barely had enough money
to keep the schools open at all. So we
shot them the Devastating Digit, which
made them feel like the whole country
was laughing at them; and as a result,
they relented and Youngstown now
has increased school funds. Now, we
didn't sit down and say, “Look, мете
going to change their minds in the Cali-
fornia legislature" or "We're going to
change their minds in Youngstown.” We
don't approach issues that way. The Fick-
le Finger may be the most serious part
of the show, but we do it in as light a
way as possible. Nobody gave us the
right or the time on nationwide network
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television to go out and pitch some polit-
ical cause or to give the public our views
on issues. They hired us to do an ente:
taining comedy hour; and in that hour,
we've got to get a certain number of
laughs or admit that we're not doing the
job we've been paid to do. Now, И
There's something we feel needs to be
said, well say it--but only if it can be
said humorously. We'd much preler to
put people on than to put them down.
PLAYBOY: The Smothers brothers were
acting ostensibly on the same premise,
yet their show was canceled by CBS.
Does this reflect a difference in network
policy?
ROWAN: I think it reflects a major fact of
American life; if you've got eno
clout, you can get away with a hell of a
lot. Bob Hope has been doing political
satire for years, taking shots at every-
body. But he also brings in gigantic
ratings. If the Smothers brothers had
been number опе, they wouldn't have
been muzzled—or canceled. ally
speaking, if some guy comes to you from
the network and claims that your show is
wrong and doesn't belong on the air, you
don't have to worry if you can tell him
that half of the viewers in the country
are watching it. But if the network
tell you that you're 58th in the ratings,
well, then, they've got a pretty solid
argument.
MARTIN: On the other hand, the Smothers
brothers might have gotten away with it
it they hadnt had such extensive press
coverage. Anyone who owns a television
network is a man of tremendous power
and influence, and to challenge that
power in the nal pre
ous thing to do. Personally, however, 1
loved the Smothers brothers and I never
saw anything offensive in their show.
ROWAN: Challenging power anywhere is
a dangerous thing, and I think Tommy
went about it all wrong. I've already
told him this, so it’s mo secret. If he
had ten things he wanted to do on the
show and the network took one out,
he fought, hollered and screamed about
the one. On our show, if we have 20
things we want to do and the network
takes 12 out, we're still happy to get the
B. It’s their ball game and you've got
to play ing to their rules. OF
course, you can steal а base while
you're playing in their ball park, then
you've accomplished something. But
cinch you can't steal a base if you're
not even in the game. I think Tommy
should have realized, and would have, if
he were older and had been around
longer, that it's their store. I personally
am not prepared to be canceled in order
to say something. I make no bones about
that, T'I equivocate; FH duck and dod;
Fd much rather be a wor coward
than a canceled hero. TI may be a
chicken-shit approach by Tommy's stand-
ards, but that’s the way I am.
accord
MARTIN: Duck and Dodge—that was a
great act. Didn't we work with them in
Piusburgh?
Rowan: Di we are talking about the
Smothers brothers.
MARTIN: Did they know Duck and Dodge?
ROWAN: I'm simply saying that, although
I agree with Tom's philosophy. I dis-
agree with his intransigence.
MARTIN: I didn't know that!
ROWAN: Don't you ever equivoca
MARTIN: 1 was told I'd go blind!
PLAYBOY: If you're both quite finished,
may we go on? Despite your concessions
to the network's demands, you still man
age to convey a politically liberal view.
point on your show. Is this confined to
your public image or is it part of your
personal philosophy as well?
MARTIN: I tend to hate politics, but I do
think that part of living in America is
involving yourself in the running of
America, 1 should be more involved than
I am, but | lost interest after Bobby
Kennedy was cd. Y respected
both Jack and Bobby Kennedy. because
they represented а youthful, liberal, vi
tal approach to polities: but I couldn't
bring myself to get involved in a Presi-
dential campaign between the lesser of
two evils this past year.
ROWAN: I felt the same way about the
candidates. 1 campaigned actively for
McCarthy and Rockefeller, but neither
of them had chance in hell, with
both conventions locked up as they were.
Although I considered Humphrey and
Nixon unpalatable choices, I ended up
voting for Nixon, not only because 1 grew
so violently ill watching the Democratic
Convention but because Nixon seemed
cool, shrewd and calculating. I mistrust-
ed Humphreys emotionalism. He may
be more fun at a dinner, but I'd rather
have the cold bird at the helm. Fm
really politically naive, though, and I
wouldn't want anyone anywhere to be
influenced by my opinions just because
show business gives me a platform to
speak from. Gene Barry and Chuck Con-
nors, for instance, want to run for the
Senate; Ronald Reagan sits in the gover-
nors mansion; it’s enough to make a
buzzard puke. These guys know as much
about politics as I do; and if I were
elected to the Senate, Fd probably have
10 jump off a building to save the world.
MARTIN: Why wait to be elected?
ROWAN: Slashed again by the keen edge
of your coruscating wit.
MARTIN: So is minc.
PLAYBOY. So is ours, but let's press on.
"The violence surrounding the Democrat.
ic Convention seemed to shock most
Americans into a new awareness of the
youth revolution. What were your per-
sonal reactions to the demonstrations?
MARTIN: Speaking of the Democratic Con
vention reminds me of what my aunt
said after being held as a hostage in
Lincoln Park for three days by 22 naked
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contemporary Columbia record libraries.
Sweepstakes closes December 15,
1969, Winners will be selected in ran-
dom drawings by the D. L. Blair Corp.,
an independent judging organization.
Winners will be notified by mail.
Great contest? You bet it is.
What did you expect from [
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lach 30, 1970, No purchase required.
91
PLAYBOY
92
field secretaries of the Peace and Fi
dom Party.
ROWAN: Thats nice, Dick. Why don't
you go tell Mayor Daley about it? Get-
ting back to the question, the police in
Chicago——
MARTIN; She went to Lincoln Park be-
cause she heard that gangs of sex-crazcd
freaks were getting stoned and having
wild orgies and she wanted to try her luck.
ROWAN: Kind of runs in your family,
doesn't it?
MARTIN: Well, she came crawling out of
the park, chanting, “Make love, not
war!" and a policeman stopped her and
sked if she was all right, and do you
know what she said?
ROWAN: No, but I have a feeling you're
going to tell us.
MARTIN: She took the joint out of her
mouth, looked him straight in the eye and
said, “You bet your sweet Yippie.”
Rowan: May I answer the question no
doo-doo?
MARTIN: What question?
PLAYBOY: What arc your personal reac-
tions to the youth revolution?
MARTIN: Do you have to keep repeating
yourself?
ROWAN: I'Il answer it. "There's no way in
the world that | can really understand
someone who's 90 years younger than I
am, no matter how hard I try, how hi
1 feel or how liberal I would like to be. T
don't think anyone can. As you grow
older, you become more cautious, more
restrained, more conservative. You can't
know what's happening to young people
and you can't really relate to how they
feel. You can agree with them intellec
tually, but when it comes to the way they
dress, the way thcy move, the way they
talk, it's a foreign world. But 1 think we
have to try to understand them. IET can't
relate to them artistically, they wo
watch our television show. If I can't relate
аз a parent, Ill lose my children. We
damn well better learn to understand
them; they outnumber us, And their poi
s well taken. Lord knows, there are plen-
ty of changes that have to be made. There
are terrible injustices, terrible things hap-
pening to the underprivileged and uncdu-
cated. But I don't think anarchy is the
answer, and I'd ber that there are plenty
of young revolutionaries who'd agree with
me. There has to be some Kind of estab-
lished order, some law. If you're trying
to land a plane in a heavy fog, you want
some guy on the radar screen who knows
his job and can talk you into an airport.
That's part of the establishment.
MARTIN: What these kids object to is that
our institutions are rapidly becoming
archaic because they're run by reaction-
aries—people whose heads are always in
the sand, refusing to admit that change
is not only necessary but inevitable. I
blame the kids for wanting to
change our educational system, but I
can't say T agree with some of their
methods, Burning buildings has never
can't
really solved anything. But at least
they're interested in what's happening to
our country. І know, when І was that
age, all the kids wanted to do was play
around and the only questions we asked
were, “Which college should I go to?
What. fraternity shoukl I join? Who are
you taking to the prom?" That's all
bullshit. If a 17-year-old kid has got
something sensible to say, you can't tell
him to keep quiet until he's 21. He must
be accommodated; he must be heard. By
the way, Dan, who are you taking to the
prom?
ROWAN: Is your aunt busy?
MARTIN: She's going with my uncle, but I
don't know who she's going home with.
He usually manages to slip away from her.
ROWAN: How does he do that?
MARTIN: He's invisible, so she always for-
gets he's there.
ROWAN: How could anybody forget an
invisible man?
MARTIN: Well, you know—out of sight,
out of mind.
PLAYBOY: Sorry to interrupt, but we've
got to move along. The youth revolution
has centered on two major demands—
an end to racial discrimination and the
abolition of war as an instrument of
foreign policy. Do you think these are
tions for the future?
ROWAN: Well, when you talk about racial
tensions, I'm a little handicapped, be-
cause it’s only since the civil rights move-
ment that I've become aware of the
problem. I was fortunate enough w have
black roommates belore anyone tried to
tell me there was something wrong with
it. But I understand the psychology of
discrimination. During World War Two,
for instance, my generation was taught
to hate Orientals. We were at war w
the Japanese; and if you're going to kill
some guy and still expect to sleep at
ight, it’s best to hate him before you
shoot him. So I was trained to fear the
“yellow menace.” The same thing has
been happening to the black people for
as long as they've lived in this country;
nd now, even supposedly intelligent
people, geneticists, are trying to tell us
that people of African descent are men.
tally inferior to whites. Of course, that's
a lot of nonsense, but there are
lot of people who'd like to believe
really don't know how the minorities
have put up with this crap for so long.
guess the answers will take time. Thi
are better now than they were ten у
ago and they should continue to
prove. The solution scems pretty obvious
to me. Black people need more money,
more power and more influence. It's no
longer a question of getting from the
back to the front of the bus; they've got
to own the bus line. It's no longer a
question of having blacks and whites in
the same classrooms: we need more black
teachers and black principals. And it
doesn’t matter if you ler black men work
on an assembly line; we need a black
president of General Motors, a black
president of U. S. Stecl and a black Presi-
dent of the United States. If we can get
to that point before we blow each other
up, then maybe we won't have to blow
cach other up at all.
MARTIN: I'm afraid that whatever the
black people achieve, there will still nev-
cr be the kind of brotherhood everybody
expects. Even if there were totally inte-
grated marriages for the next 200 years
and we wound up with a completely
mulatto nation, there would still be
people to say, "He's blacker than I am.
They'd find something to hate. because
thats the nature of man. Look at thc
al violence that's already occurred. It
starts with someone who has a true ideal
in mind and it then turns into a militant
demonstration. The minute the shit hits
the fan, windows are broken and stores
are looted. Greed and avarice are part of
human nature. I's not just the black
man. For most people in similar situa-
tions, the cause becomes secondary to
personal gain. I'd like to see progress
made, but not at the cost of anyone's
life. Sniping, looting and arson have
accomplished nothing and I really don't
see what those Kinds of terrorist acts
have to do with race. They're ji
other expression of man's basi
Fortunately, most of us, black and white,
aren't driven to those extremes.
PLAYBOY: Most people say they would like
to see progress made, but few people
$ to do much about й. Du
nk the majority of the public
really favors liberal reforms?
ROWAN: In principle, yes; the only ques-
tion now is how to make it happen fast
enough. There are people who have
been constitutionally deprived of their
ights who now demand compensatio
You can't let them starve to death in
ghettos. If you're strong and healthy and
capable of achievement, I think you've
got to help those who aren't. Look, if
you're playing golf with some guy who
swings like he's killing snakes in a phone
booth, you can't play him ехе!
got to give him a few shots. It's a hand
cap system. Some people are better at
things than others. But I think competi-
tion is good. I like to get into a contest
and win. I get a kick out of that. Maybe
that’s dying out; perhaps competitive so-
ciety is a bad thing. I was taught that
hard work was the only way to get those
things that are worth getting, but people
don't seem to care ау much about
hieving. It isn't as important to them
as it was to me, and I'd be the last onc
to say they're wrong. Then, too, there
are people who look at the welfare sys-
tem and say, “These people get more
money if they don't work than if they
do. They could be working if they want-
ed to, so why should I give some of what
Ive earned?” Well, its gotten to the
point now where, if we don't take care
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See the 1970 Hemi
It's oll new.
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And it gaes os fast os the low
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udo ot your Plymouth Dealer's September 23.
The 1970 Hemi ‘Cuda is port of our
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Whotever price you put on power.
Plymouth makes it.
PLAYBOY
of the underprivileged, tragic things are
going to happen.
MARTIN: People are much too self-
'olved to expect that kind of social
benevolence. Wherever there are two men.
nd one woman, there will be a fight to
sec who gets the woman. If there are two
men and onc dollar, they'll fight over the
dollar; it's never been any different. I
don't believe the Arabs and the Jews will
ever be friends, and I don't know how or
why we even expect them to be. Under
certain Kinds of provocations, any man
or woman is capable of flying into a rage
and possibly killing somconc. So is it any
wonder that there's never been a period
in history that didn't have a war?
ROWAN: People are still settling argu-
ments with fistfights and shootings; and
as long as that continues to happen in
the family unit, I think it will probably
continue to happen on a national
international level. Men have just got to
find different ways to settle problems,
without resorting to violence. But I hap-
pen to be a pessimist, and 1 don't think
they ever will. If the moncy being spent
in Southeast Asia was used to prevent
hunger and disease and not for ng,
then T would say that maybe there's a
chance. But we continue to do all the
wrong things. We throw people in jail
for no reason. We bust the heads of young
people who just want to share our parks.
These aren't very optimistic signs 10 me.
PLAYBOY: Is that why you stopped wear-
ing a peace button on the show?
ROWAN: No, I stopped wearing it be-
ause, all of a sudden, little old ladies in
Pasadena were wearing them and 1
thought they kind of lost their effect. Tm
now wearing a shark's tooth that hap-
pens to be 50,000,000 years old. I find it
reassuring to rub my fingers over
something that's been around that long.
aybe the fact that this tooth still exists
ng about the future.
MARTIN: Why don’t you rub your fingers
over my tecth and see if they say some-
thing about the future?
ROWAN: They probably say more abour
the past.
MARTIN: Like what?
ROWAN: Like what you had for breakfast,
PLAYBOY: Dan, your peace button seemed
to characterize the anti-war theme that
runs through some of your topical mate-
1. Have you both supported the peace
movement ollstage as well?
MARTIN: Yes, but not to the point of
making a crusade out of it. I personally
have never been much for crusading, but
its always been part of our humor to
take swipes at the establishment. In fact,
most comedians are anti-establishment,
to some extent. It seems to be part of
every humorists psychological make-up
to take on the powers that be.
PLAYBOY: In addition to being anti-
establishment, according to Shecky
Greene, most comedians are also manic
depressives. Do you think that's true?
MARTIN: Comedians seem to have the same
problem most people 1
so. They're ively insecure people
and they're working in a relatively in-
secure business. IE I thought that all I
was capable of doing was working in a
night dub, I think I'd be pretty insecure,
too. But we didn't start in night clubs
until we were adults, whereas most of
these guys started when they were still
Kids. Alan King was 15 years old when
he started working the Borscht Belt:
Buddy Hackett v nd it was a high-
ly competitive business in those days. But
1 don't think it's really possible to g
ze
them in cert:
is a nightclub comic. He is exactly wha
you see on stage. Dan and I are not. We
are essentially actors playing the parts of
night-club comics. 1 am not what you see
. Lam nor inept, I am not bum-
bling and I am not dumb.
ROWAN: I didn't know that.
MARTIN. You had to find out sooner or
later, Dan. and I'd rather it be from me.
I's worked for me to play that character
and it's made me a lot of money.
ROWAN: I can't imagine any simi
between my makeup and a comics
make-up. I'm an actor, and that's all I
am. 1 have the ability to think and write
comedy and 1 сап act comedy, too.
have done and intend to do stra
things that have no humor at all
tached to them.
MARTIN: Tike Langh-In?
ROWAN: Very funny.
PLAYBOY: What kinds of comedi
you yoursclves like to watch?
MARTIN: Well, it's difficult to say, because
there're so many varieties. I consider Bud-
dy Hackett and Bill Cosby two of the
funniest men in the world, and yet nei-
ther of them tells jokes. They sell atti-
tudes. Lenny Bruce did the same d
They talk about their own experiences
and, through their attitudes, manage to
make them extremely funny. Then there's
the tradition of the “пш” comic, which
was popular in vaudeville. Olsen. and
Johnson were . "Insult" come-
dians, like Don Rickles and Jack E.
Leonard, have developed their styles to
the point of total irreverence. Henny
Youngman and Jack Durant do one-
liners, a rapid-fire series of jokes: you
just sit there, pick out what you like and
laugh at it. Sort of like my aunt.
ROWAN: What’s that supposed to mean?
MARTIN: She sits there, you pick out what
you like and then Laugh at it.
ROWAN: 1 should have known. The point
iy that all these men are funny. Аг any
given time, any one of them can put me
on the floor. For instance, I can watch
Irwin Corey come schlepping out in his
frock coat and tennis shoes and stand
there staring at the audience, and I
begin to feel the tears rolling down my
cheeks. I laugh at all of the
PLAYBOY: Have you learned anything from
other comedians?
MARTIN: There have been many people
who helped us. Not many people know
this, but Lenny Brace was our first w
er and [ think his influence is bei
everywhere on the stage today.
felt
Milton
Berle has always gone out of his way to
help us, writing material and helping to
¢ our routines, Buddy Hackett, Joey
Bishop and Jack Carter have also been
very helpful in offering advice.
ROWAN: A fine old sailor, Comclius
Shields, once said that he's never been
on a cruise that didn't tcach him some-
thing about sailing, and 1 don't think it's
any diflerent with me, Every time we've
worked, every date we've played, every
television show we've done has taught
me something about this business I
idn't know before.
PLAYBOY: Have you collected a substantial
joke file over the ye:
MARTIN: I really don't know any jokes, I
swear to God, if I had to get up and tell
jokes, I'd die. АП I can do is get on the
Stage and react 10 whatever Dan does.
On the other hand, if you threw together
a panel composed of Bob Hope, Morey
Amsterdam, Buddy Hackett and a few
others, they could give you a derivative
ora variation on any joke you could tell
them, But we're not selling jokes; we're
selling a gay, freewheeling attitude. We
may do 250 or 300 jokes a show for 26
weeks, but the people are laughing be-
ase they enjoy watching a hunch of
very warm people having a ball. They
love to see the dirty old man trying to
make Gladys on the park bench every
week. Even though his line may be dil-
ferent each time, it's really the same
joke on every show. Speaking of the
ame joke, | guess you'd like to know
what my аши said when she went to do
that survey for the networks to find out
what American nudists were watching, I
was about to tell you that while she was
at the nudist camp, she jumped into a
sauna bath to watch The Fhing Nun
with 16 Weight-Watching tugboat cap
ns and-
ROWAN: Go to your room, Dick.
PLAYBOY: Do you agice with those who
claim that there aren't really any new
jokes?
ROWAN: No new jokes? Of course there
are new jokes, It may be true that сусту
new joke is a switch or a twist on an old
joke, but as the old burlesque comic
once said, “A joke is old only if you've
heard it.” Now, on our show we have a
lot of old jokes, as well as a lot of new
ones, but they happen so fast that even
if you've heard a joke before, we're tell-
ing a new one before you have time to
realize that you've already heard the last
one.
MARTIN: It's rcally not a question of old
or new material; it’s the whole idea of
Laugh-In that’s important. In essence,
what we're doing is cartoon humor. We
The man who bought a brewery when he
knew Prohibition was just around the corner.
What kind of man would go out and buy
himself a brewery on the eve of Prohibition?
A man like Joseph Griesedieck, our
founder.
Papa Joe, as most people called him, de-
voted his entire life to brewing good beer.
So he wasn't about to let a lot of talk
about Prohibition keep him from buying
his brewery.
Besides, he knew a lot about human
nature. So he was certain that, some
day, beer would make a comeback:
Finally, the day
came. Repeal! And
Papa Joe started
brewing becr again.
The beer Papa
Joe brewed was
Falstaff. And as good
as he brewed it, he
was always looking
for ways to brew it
better.
"That's the way he
taught our family to
brew beer.
<.
And for four generations that's the way
we've been brewing Falstaff.
Taking everything he taught us and
adding to it everything we’ve learned.
Always with the same idea in mind that
Papa Joe had: to brew it better.
That’s why we think today’s Falstaff is
the best-tasting beer our family has ever
brewed. And we owe it all to the man who
was smart enough to buy
a brewery on the eve
24 of Prohibition.
amily brews
bear better.
Falstaff Brewing Corporation, St. Louis, Mo.
PLAYBOY
96
set up a premise, present it visually,
deliver the punch line and then go on to
something else.
PLAYBOY: How did you arrive at this
format?
MARTIN: Well, we really did a variation
of this show as a pilot for ABC in San
Francisco over six years ago. They
thought we were crazy. For our opening,
we got out of a car with a block of ice,
walked into the studio and handed it
to someone in the audience. Now, you
know that when somebody hands you a
block of ice, you immediately pass it oi
and we held the camera on the audience
as the ice made its way around. We had
cameos, then, too: Lucille Ball, Joey
Bishop, David Janssen and Milton Berle.
We offered ABC the concept of an all-
comedy show, but they said, “No, we
don't think that's ever going to go." So
they bought Les Crane instead. We sug-
gested that Les Crane go on two nights a
week and that we'd do the other three
nights, but ABC, in their infinite wis-
dom, said, "No, Les Grane will make it,
He's going five nights a week.” Well, as
far as I’m concerned, ABC is really A, & P.
with an antenna, I'm glad we didn't start
with them. Milton Berle once said that
the way to stop the war in Vicunam is to
put it "ll be canceled in 13
weeks, They wanted a variety show, and
we always thought that variety and con
edy were two different things. We didn't.
want to use s and dancers. We just
don't bel mold. When we
«а те Riviera Las Vegas, we
booked another comedian with us. Every-
body said we were crazy because it was
against Las Vegas tradition—open with a
chorus line, follow it with a dance tear
then a singer and, finally, the comic. We
wanted to use nothing but comedians,
and it worked; but for the television
show, ABC just wouldn't buy it. Fortu-
nately, we ran into George Schlauer,
who had wonderfully similar ideas.
ROWAN- He had not only the television
know-how we lacked but tremendous en-
ergy and a wildly funny imagination as
well Once we'd decided on the total-
comedy approach, we figured that car-
toon humor would be very well suited to
television as a medium. But television
for a long time seemed to be more a
product of radio than of film and, conse-
quently. you would see commercials with
inted message and some guy with a
pointer reading it aloud. There's noth-
i about that, The people who
controlled television were, oddly enough,
reluctant to take MeLuhan's message to
heart and make it a truly visual medium.
But we were so bored with what had
been going on that, in our crankish
ids, we felt it was time to put all of
that down and get some of our own stuff
donc. We didn't invent satire; we didn't.
iscover the black-out
inate non sequitur humor, but the way
we put it all together was our own
creation. Schlatter was primarily respon-
sible for the photographic ideas, the
quick cuts and editing that made the
format work visually,
PLAYBOY: Other television shows have
been borrowing heavily from your for-
mat. Why hasn't it worked for them?
MARTIN: Our own producers have already
copied it twice but weren't very success-
ful. They tried a show called Soul, which
was supposed to be a black Laugh-In;
and they tried Turn-On, whidi lasted
exactly one week on network television,
What they're doing is stealing from
themselves or from us, when they should
be ying to move on from there. Even
though every variety show ties to copy
some aspect of Laugh-In, theyll never
get near it, because they refuse to com-
mit themselves totally to it. They may
try it for 20 minutes, but then it's back to
the singers and the dancers. 11 we broke
up our continuity for one minute, I
think it would show. We could very
easily have had Harry Belafonte sing a
song, but we didn't. Sammy Davis has
been on twice. Heres a guy who can
demand anything he wants to sing or
dance on a variety show; but if he tries
to dance on our show, we drop him
trough a trap door.
PLAYBOY. Though none of your contem-
рогагісу has succeeded with it, didn't
Ernie Kovacs explore this kind of pure-
ly visual comedy years ago on television?
ROWAN: That's part of our derivation.
Ernie was definitely way ahead of his
time, but hed do 20- and 30-minute
sketches—which, in our opinion, are
much too long. What Ernic would do in
seven or eight minutes, we can do in a
minute and ten seconds. We don’t think
a good joke can be sustained for very
long, But Ernie did recognize the visual
possibilities of television and I would say
that, if he were alive, he probably would.
have done our kind of show long before
we ever did.
PLAYBOY: Do you think television is the
best medium for comedy?
MARTIN: No, 1 think every medium has its
possibili Mike Nichols and Elaine
May might not have made it, if not for
their Broadway show. Bob Newhart,
Shelley Berman and maybe even Bill
sby owe a great deal of their success
10 recondalbum sales. Some people are
u[és, some on television and.
some in motion pictures; Laugh-In hap-
pens to be a television show and couldn't
work any other way. When we put it
оп stage during our summer tours, it's
necessarily slower and much different.
As a matter of fact, someone even offered
to produce a movie ve
ion of Laugh-In.
Their big selling point was that we
could get some really big stars to do
the cameos. But I wonder who they were
planning to get who would be bigger
than John Wayne or Richard Nix
The beauty of cameos is that we don't
have to pay big money to get these
we arrange for them through
personal contacts. Paul Keyes got Nixon
and Billy Graham, and 1 don't think
any movie producer could have done
for us. So we really couldn't sce
any reason to make a movie Laugh-In.
It’s just а small-screen, fun-loving, Mor
day-night. party.
PLAYBOY: You obviously enjoy the success
of Laugh-In, but do you enjoy the work
as well?
ROWAN: Well, it's difficult in many re
эрес, but it's so much fun for us that
we really never go to work saying, “Boy
what a drag!" It’s harder than most
shows because of the work load: we do so
many different things cach week and
have a tremendous amount of materia!
to put on tape. But we work with so
many talented people that it’s actually
more у on the set. Some day
it’s a terribly long рапу—12, 13 or 14
hours—and by the Iih hour on a telev
n set, you can get piety tired, But
when things start dragging, we cam usu-
ally count on George Schlatter to break
body up. George is known as
C.F. G., which many people think stands
for Cute, Funny George; but it's actually
Crazy Fucking George. So he'll do some
ridiculously funny thing and then we
start all over again. That's the way ir
ea
5i
Ive been to worse parties than
our taping sessions.
ROWAN: You've given worse parties.
MARTIN: And I've filmed them, too.
nd you're going 10 get busted
one of these days.
MARTIN: My home movies can be эссп at
any P. T. À. meeting.
ROWAN: You must know some prety
swinging P. T. A. members.
MARTIN: Yeah, baby!
PLAYBOY: Don't the mechanics of produc-
ing the show ever interfere with the
party atmosphere?
MARTIN: No. The way the show is set up
makes it really a ball to do. We don't
have to memorize anything, because the
bits are all so short. We just read
through the script once, put it on its
feet in a kind of dress rehearsal and then
shoot it. There's no homework to do
ind no reason Lo shoot everything two
or three times. If we have a bunch of
elevator jokes to do, we shoot them all
in sequence and then place them where
we want them in the editing process.
Then the studio audience
ally see the show as it appears
on screen?
MARTIN: We don't have a studio audience
in the traditional sense. We did for the
first three shows, but since then, wc
stopped giving out tickets. Now, people
can come and go as they please and stay
as long as they want to. The house is
still almost full for each show, but
they're not just sitting there, waiting for
their hour's entertainment, and we aren't
obligated to provide it for them. As it
The almost unbelievable Quadrobe.
KINGS
Four ways to suit yourself and the occasion. "4°
Norhing hard to believe about a three-piece suit for
under $100, right? Or a two-piece business or campus style
suit for under $100. Or a spore outfit for under $100.
Or even a country suit for under $100.
Bur how about all four for under $100?
That’s almost unbelievable. Bur that's the Quadrobe.
A Traditional three-button natural shoulder coat. Trim
Traditional trousers to match. A contrasting separate pair
of slacks. And a four-packer vest.
Pur them all together (or apart) in all sorts of colors,
patterns and fabrics and start suiting yourself, for any
occasion. Available ar selected Sears stores.
PLAYBOY
98
turns out, the people who do come sce
ten times the entertainment they'd. nor-
mally see, because they witness all the
insanity that surrounds our production
staff and cast. If we were doing it for a
formal audience, we'd have to rigidly
time the show for their benefit, whercas
now, we can do the show for ourselves.
PLAYBOY; You may be doing Laughr-In for
yourselves, but 45,000,000 people watch
the show. Did you think it would attract
such a broad audience?
MARTIN: Of course there are broads in
our audience,
ROWAN: Would you rephrase the question.
for him?
PLAYBOY: Did you think it would at
such a wide audience?
MARTIN: Oh. Well, we thought adults
would like it, but we were surprised that
it caught on so quickly with very young
children—four-to-cight-year-olds. We were
an instant hit with teens and preteens,
because the pace is well suited to their
attention span. In fact, we got a lot of
letters from parents who said that, in-
stead of spanking for discipline, they
threaten the kids with depriving them
of Laugh-In. Generally speaking, we were
ght success in New York but
d of mild in the national picture.
Then it started to balance out with the
college and adult audiences and we kept
getting bigger in the 30 key cities, until
we made it to the top in all of them
Which reminds me of ——
ROWAN: Something your aunt once said?
MARTIN: How did you know?
ROWAN: I'm clairvoyant,
MARTIN: A masive dose of penicillin
should clear that up.
ROWAN: No doubt, but I'd like to talk
about the show now, if you don't mind,
The demographics of our appeal are
very pleasing to the network and to our
own producers. We have audiences rang-
ing from moppets to senior citizens, and
we hear from the entire range. When
Geritol bought a piece of the show, we
were a bit surprised, because we really
didn't think that older folks were wardi-
ng. I don't think they understand every-
thing they're sccing, but I'm glad they're
watching.
PLAYBOY: How does it make you [cel to
think that almost one fourth of the pop-
ulation of the United States is watching
your show?
ROWAN: It's a terrible temptation to take
your ratings and pin them up on your
office wall, to start checking this weck’s
ratings against last week's or to compare
your ratings with other shows. So far,
I've managed to avoid doing that. We're
glad the public likes it, but we really
In’t set out to do it for them. We did
it for ourselves, and I think that's proba-
bly how the best films are made and the
best plays are done; a guy writes a play
that satisfies him, and if it happens to
become popular, that’s great. The stuff
that's good, the stuff that lasts usually
act.
B
begins as a personal statement of some-
one who really has something to say
PLAYBOY: You once told a reporter, “Even
a good thing must become redundant,
and redundancy leads to mediocrity.
Will this happen to Laugh-In?
ROWAN: As fresh as our show
freshness and origi
come redundant. Mediocrity is the inev
table result when you do the same sort
of thing week after weck, month after
month. Producing 26 hours of television
programing every season is a tremendous
job, and they can't all be of the highest
iy kle and
and the more
shows we do, the likelier it is for them to
become more ho-hum. Sooner or later,
you simply run out of ideas. On the
other hand, I think one of our hohum
is about ten times as funny as the aver-
age situation comedy. I'm not a good
enough prophet to predict when the
public will become bored with us and, T
must say, Гус been wrong about the
potential longevity of the show right
Írom the start. I didn't think we'd last
the first season, and here we are into
our third.
MARTIN: One of the reasons we've been
able to sustain its popularity is that м
constantly and subliminally changing the
show. You wouldn't notice it if you
watched the show week by weck, but if 1
could show you the first show and the
26th show, you'd notice a tremendous
diflerence. When we hist went on the
air, many of our severest critics said,
"Well, the first show was good, but
they'll never be able to keep it up."
They said the same thing when we be-
gan the second season and they'll proba-
bly keep saying it this season, but 1m
not too worried about keeping it up. If
anything, we've quickened the pace
I really believe we can sustain it as long
as we want to. We're selling fun, and
that's something that's usually апау;
able on television. Speaking of fun on
television, though, reminds me of my
aunt.
ROWAN: I thought it might.
MARTIN: If you've ever watched The Flying
Nun in the sauna bath at a nudist
camp with 16 Weight-Watching tugboat
aptains, you know how disappointed my
aunt was when the police arrested them
all for mainlining Metrecal. You know
what she told the judge at the trial?
ROWAN: Can't this all wait you're
alone? As I was about to say, another
reason for the show's continuing fresh-
ness is that each week features a different
member of the cast. Arte Johnson may
be fairly heavy in the show one weck
and the next week it may be Judy Carne
or Ruth Buzzi. Of course, Dick and I are
there every week doing some solid
things, but some wecks we're quite light
in it.
PLAYBOY: Your own partidpation in the
show is somewhat limited, compared
with most television hosts, Why do you
take so little time for yourselves?
ROWAN: We generally have a couple of
guests, in addition to our cameos and the
regular company; and considering that
there are only 50 minutes or so available
in an hour show, 1 dont chink it would
be very smart for us to take the maj
portion of the show each week, For one
thing, the audience would probably get
pretty tired of us and, for another, what
would be the sense of hiring a fine comp
ny of performers if we were only going to
do what many other hosts do and take
the full hour for ourselves? I think we're
doing about as much as we should be
doing. and I think we're right
MARTIN: Our idea is to exist mainly in
the role of a catalyst —two relatively sane
guys wandering through a inénage of
madness. I don't think it would work if
we were involved in everything, because
then there would be no perspeaive for
the madness. When Milton Berle had his
own show, he appeared in every sketch,
while we're on the screen no more thi
ten minutes every show. There aren't
many comedians who could accept that.
They think their shows can't survive
without them on the screen constantly.
But that's not where we're at. Our show
is a group effort and we're selling the
whole group, not just Rowan and Martin.
PLAYBOY: Do you think Laugh-In could
have been as successful with another
group of performers?
MARTIN: Judging from our experience with
the original NBC special we did, I really
don't think so. I won't mention any
names, but we were in the process of
booking a lady star and a male comedi.
until the lady star started. making
some rather unpleasant den
and I were gewing репу upt
cause NBC was demanding that we use
these people. So we talked it over м
George Schlatter and decided to throw
them out. We figured, if NBC isn’t buy-
ng what we want to do, then the hell
with them. Had we compromised and
gone along with the lady's demands, we
might very well have been stuck with
them and never done LaughIn as we'd
envisioned it. But we didn't compromise;
Schlatter, Dan and I immediately agreed
to forget the lady star and the comedian,
hire a bunch of unknowns and have
some fun,
ROWAN: | wouldn't presume to say that
this is the only bunch of people who
could have done this show, but I do
think that the quality of the cast we
were lucky enough to assemble helped
the format work to its fullest potential.
We were also fortunate enough to
the funniest writers in the business; they
understood. the spirit of the thing and
were able to enlarge upon it. So а num-
ber of things fell nicely into place and a.
lot of people contributed significantly to
the format.
MARTIN: Personally, I really love the cast
Smokers like the rich taste. The micronite filter.
Just the very idea of smoking Kent. Because it
is one of the world's most desirable cigarettes...
more and more people are taking to Kent.
© Lorillard Corporation 1969
we've got. No one's at all uptight, and
it's really as close to a family relation-
ship as I've ever seen in show business.
[ter week, I go to the studio ex-
ng someone to show some sign of
temperament; and, instead, 1 find them
coaching each other on lines or helping
h costume changes. It’s a throwback
to vaudeville—everyone on the bill help-
ing cach other. My uncle tried to break
into vaudeville, you know.
ROWAN: I thought he was invi
MARTIN: He
ROWAN: "Then what kind of act could he
do?
MARTIN: What do you think?
ROWAN: I mcan on the stagc.
MARTIN: Oh, He did a disappearing act.
ROWAN: Ridiculous. Who'd book an in-
visible man for a disappearing act?
MARTIN: No one ever did. He
showed up at the auditious.
ROWAN: I'm beginning to wish you were
ıd inaudible. May I say
something about our cast now?
MARTIN: Go right ahead.
ROWAN: From the standpoint of creativi-
ty, no matter what you give our gang to
do, they'll add to it. Of course, some of
what they add is unacceptable, but. very
often it's funnier than. the written stuff
they were given to do. Generally, they all
just swing in whatever direction they
feel like going. Simply putting costumes
on them suggests material and they start
doing bits together. All im all, they're
damned fine comedy actors.
MARTIN: The fact that they're primarily
actors, rather than comics, has been very
important to the show. You can put
them in any situation and they'll impro-
vise the characters and the lines you
need. Put a comic in an improvisation
and he'll immediately start doing jokes.
We found that out when we did ten-
minute live improvisations on the Dean
Martin Summer Show. People like Dom
De Luise, Tommy Smothers and Pat
McCormick could get into a character,
stay with it and find humor in the scene,
while the comics we used were absolutely
no good at it.
PLAYBOY: Have you been playing the same
characters since you started performing
together?
ROWAN: No, not at all. Dick's original
mbition was to be a straight man and I
had no preferences either way, so we
started out alternating back and forth—I
would straight for Dick, then he would
straight for me. Needles to say, the
audience found this rather confusing,
because they never knew who to identity
with. Then, too, Dick's one of the worst
straight men in the world. He couldn't
remember any line unless it was funny;
and I don't know if thi intentional
or not, but 1 usually wound up saying,
“Here, let me do that.” "That's the way it
went.
100 MARTIN: We finally settled on the roles
PLAYBOY
ible.
never
we play now, To put it in capsule form,
I'm cast as the inept, fun-loving lecher.
ROWAN: A brilliant example of typecast-
ing.
MARTIN: And Dan plays the ped
crashing bore.
ROWAN: A masterful job of acting.
MARTIN: He's constantly trying to educate
me or convince me to get ma
mend my ways. Of course, I take every-
thing he says and twist it into a kind of
sexy doubleentendre. Y think its an
nieresting. relationship, and I've never
seen one like it before.
ROWAN: And it's not likely to continue, if
you don't stop hogging all the blankets.
MARTIN: We were trying to establish an
attitude rather than just do jokes, and
we found it very difficult to sit down and.
e the kind of stuff we wanted to do.
her of us could sing or dance or do
impressions, so we just stood there on
stage ш to cach other until a bit
developed, Finally, alter a routine was
set, we were able to do it on stage and
still make it sound like a spontaneous
conversation,
PLAYBOY. How did the two of you get
together a team? We've read the
wdiobiography version, but we'd like
10 hear it from you.
ROWAN: 1 had been a junior writer on
and off for Paramount, but after the
War, one of the studio unions went on
strike and I found myself out of a job.
After that, I left show business and start-
en new c: el T
worked my way up to used-car manager
and finally to gene: er ot a Buick
agency. From there, І went into partner
ship with a friend of mine on a foreigi
car lot, but I really got fed up with the
world of commerce. So I sold my half of
the agency, took my money, went on
diet, worked on my voice, got an agent
and started making the rounds as au
aspiring actor. That's when I met Di
My best friend at the time, Tommy
Noonan, was over at the house one night
and we were doing some improvisations
when he said there was a guy he wanted
me to meet. We jumped in a car, drove
down to Herbert's and he inuoduced me
to the bartender.
MARTIN: I was tending bar at the time, so
I'd have my days {ree to look lor work as
a writer, I used to write comedy material
and then uy to sell it, and I'd also
written for Duffy's Tavern on the radio.
Abe Burrows was the head writer on the
show and he gave me a job at $50 a
week, I really got а kick out of going to
meetings with all the big writers, and I
was still able to moonlight as a bartender.
When I saw Martin and Lewis working
at Slapsie Maxic's, I took one look at
and figured that was a better way
a living than mixing drinks, so I
decided to take a whack at it. When
Tommy Noonan introduced us, Dan and
I got together, wrote a couple of things
and became an act.
tic,
ed selling used cars,
Were you satisfied with your
progress in those early days?
ROWAN: We worked some terrible toilets;
but at the time, we thought any job
we could get was damned good. We were
happy jux to be working. ГЇЇ never for-
get one place we played. We were desper-
ate for an engagement and we finally got
one just before the Christmas holidays at
a joint called Hymie's Lounge in Albu
querque, for $300 a week. The bill there
always consisted of what they
comic emcee and a stripper.
MARTIN: The show we were following was
typical of places like this; but never
w played a strip joint, we were a
little surprised when we saw it. The
comic emcee would make a series of
phony song introductions, such as, "I'll
now sing Sweet Sue ог ГИ Meet You al
the Pawnshop and Kiss You Under the
Balls."
ROWAN: And that was some of
ега,
MARTIN: Then he introduced a stripper
and said she was going to come out and
play with her monkey. Well, sir, 1 was
alled a
milder
ses couldn't have dragged
you away at that point
MARTIN: Aud the girl actually did come
out with a live monkey, who proceeded
to disrobe her.
ROWAN: Dick immediately wanted to au-
ion for the monkey's part. The day
before our opening, we saw our picture
wp on the coming attractions, along
with another stripper, a beautiful chick
named Dreamy Darnell. Naturally, Dick
was slavering at the mouth, waiting to
meet this girl and, sure enough, the next
day. during our rehearsal a motorcycle
pulled up and off stepped. this leather
chick. She had a deep bass voice and
1, “All right, where's the band?" We
said, "Where's Dreamy Башен?” It
ned out that this broad had sent her
friend's picture to Hymie’s, so she
and Dick spent the whole engag
fighting each other for the fi
that came to see the
night was the real highlight. The
only one dressing room aud Dick
got in there first to change into our
tuxedos. Then in walked Dreamy, who
proceeded to take off her clothes—every
stitch. She sat down at the dressing table,
scratched herselt a few times and said,
“AIL right, fellas, what time do we go
on?" I still have а picture of Dick and
Dreamy sitting there together. We've
worked with a lot of people in our time,
but none quite as colorful as that one.
MARTIN. You're forgetting the Spitback
Queen, We were in Louisville, playing
the Iroquois Gardens or something like
that, and there was ап act
joint do
most insane husbandand-wife team in
the business; he w: ic and she was
a tap-dancing stripper. Like all strippers,
(continued on page 199)
WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY?
He's an entertaining young guy happily living the good life. And loving every adventurous minute
of it. One recipe for his upbeat life style? Fun friends and fine potables. Facts: PLAYBOY is read
by one out of every three men under 50 who drink alcoholic beverages. Small wonder beverage
advertisers invest more dollars in PLAYBOY issue per issue than they do in any other magazine.
Need your spirit lifted? This must be the place. (Sources: 1969 Simmons, Jan.-Dec., 1968 Р.1.В.)
New York + Chicago - Detroit + Los Angeles + San Francisco + Atlanta + London Tokyo
C)
LJ
2
n
EN
fiction By HARRY BROWN
about the recent to-do in the
town of vista de hideputa, to-
gether with some related back-
ground material, by ex-sergeant
beaudin p. black, who tangled
— іп very different ways —
with the colonel and his lad
1
CHAPTER 1: IN WHICH THE ENEMY APPEARS ON MY FLANK
& I FIND MYSELF IN AN UN ENABLE DEFENSE POSITION
WHEN COLONEL ARTHUR O'BOWER caught me between his wife and their
bedroom ceiling, his first rcaction was to blow, through the pair of
horns he'd just been given, a blast of fury in which fragments of Charge,
Sick Call and Retreat cach fought for and failed to get the upper hand.
This brasslipped blat was much, much louder than the thunderstorm
that had kept me from hearing him double-time out of the downpour
and into his leased California split-level.
The hideous noise at once seduced my interest from the other seduc-
tion, then in progres. I made a spur-of-the-moment estimate of the
immediate terrain from an observation post hastily set up behind the
siliconical right breast of Mrs. O'Bower, but my field of view was limited
by a large, pink and erect nipple that, at such close range, had the sym-
metrical bulk and seeming capacity of a railroad. water tank. The last
reverberations of the colonel's monstrous fine bellow were still cracking
dishes in the kitchen below. The colonel himself, the color of his anger-
choked face almost matching his mauve сус patch (it was Thursday:
Mauve Eye Patch Day), had come to stunned attention in midstairs, im-
mobilized by the sight of a hostile force horizontally and fluidly deployed
across his line of advance. It was a tactical situation neglected by every
PLAYBOY
104
classic authority on warfare, from Sun
Tzu to Joseph Alsop.
Mrs. O' Bower, however, was a German
Cold War bride who, before her mar-
riage, had worked her way through Ab-
normal School in one of Hamburgs
more predatory precincts: thus she
when, if not how, to seize an initi
The method she chose in this instance
was to beat her sweaty fists on that
sweatier drum, my head. "Rape!" she
yelled, — "Oh—he'sI Oh—ray—ping—
me!— Ar-rrr-rri —te-e-E E!\—Oh!—Ra pe!
—HELP!" Every syllable was in sync
with a cack on my cranium, and she
was also trying to heave me off her damp
belly with an intensification of the vrig-
gles she had recently been making in
lubricous delight.
She couldn't budge me. I like the
colonel, was stiff with shock—and in
more ways than one. Immovable, the
next best thing to a corpse, I continued
to hold the high ground.
Little hailstones bounced like unbut-
tered popcorn. off the window screens.
Thunder used the O'Bower roof as an
alley down which to bowl a tent
And Mrs O'Bower, desperate to unfreeze
our three-character tableau whatever the
consequences, and caper to beray any
secret I'd shared with her if the melting
process could be hastened by the betray-
al, finally did a fast shuffle and trumped
het acc in the hole. "Oh, Апет
1" she screeched at the trench-coated,
one-eyed, wet statue on the stairs. "He
killed your lovely sweet geese, too, Artie!
He murdered them ail, he told me!
- Rape! Oh, AmrrerrtcekE,
poor—RAPE!—darling dear old sweet
we-ce-cee-ccee-s.s5s-8SS. It was the
hiss of a thousand cobras, striking—or a
hundred hungry, angry ganders, all set to
peck me to death.
The colonel went into
by God. His —
CHAPTER 2: IN WHICH THE FILM
IS STOPPED WHILE THE LADIES
IN THE AUDIENCE WHO ARE
STILL FULLY CLOTHED REMOVE
THEIR HATS & 1 REMOVE THE
COLONEL'S GAGGLE
your
action then,
ove for those snake-nccked, snickersnce-
billed, bibulous, bulbous, egged-on, ill-
tempered, uncivilized, regurgitant, wicked,
wetarsed, ruthless and unrepentant wad-
dlers was a wonderful and terrible thing,
certainly passing the love of women, war
and wealth, and damned near passing the
O'Bower self-esteem. The only emotion
that could ever have superseded the colo-
nel’s abyssal adoration of his paddle
footed potential pátés de foie gras was the
one that had already done so—a seething,
no-quarter hate for their anonymous
killer, 1 had been present, four days pre-
viously, when he'd arrived at the scene of,
the crime in а commandeered hall-trad
nd I'd heard him, as he straddled the
central cadaver in a circle of slain birds,
his bloodshot eyeball bulging heavenward
as if even God were suspect, atavistically
swear to extract an eye for an eye, a
tooth for a tooth, and a human liver for
the livers of his done-in anseres domestici.
This last hunk of Homo sapiens, it was
made dear, would be ripped hot and
palpitating from the criminal's living
body, but not until the colonel had spent
a couple of weeks goose-stepping back and
forth across that particular body's thresh-
old of pain.
Now, because I'd talked too much to a
pneumatic and pcroxidcd Hun who
lacked the brains to lock а door or two
before indulging in a spot of amorous
dalliance with a recent acquaintance,
Colonel O' Bower had learned the identity
of the wretch who had gigged his g:
into the Eternal Goose Grease forever,
the hypocrite, the dissembler, the smiler
with the poisoned mash. Yes, here—
sprawled the length of the former Rosa
Sineschpiener's moist torso, doing yet
other nefarious deed in the colonel’s own
bed, in the colonel’s own imported wife—
lay the dissembling, hypocritical, lascivi-
ous slayer on whom the hellish O'Bower
vengeance would he wr
Me.
DESCRIPTION
(Waite legibly, in ink, using only one
side of the subject)
NAME? Beaudin P. Black.
AGE? 24.
HEIGHT? 6/ 1”,
wzicir? 183 Ibs.
Eves Blue.
nair? Brown.
visiere scars? None. Slightly broken nose,
though.
ommers? Area of lower left calf and
Achilles’ tendon shows damage caused
by fragments of Viet Cong anti person
nel mine.
PHYSICAL PECULIARITIES? Minor limp, left
leg, resulting from above.
PRESENT оссирлпох? Sewing Mrs.
O'Bower.
NEVER MIND THAT, JUST ANSWER
Question. Oh. Sorry. I'm a d
Have been since noon today.
Lucky YOU. Yeah,
FORMER OCCUPATION? S/Sgt., U.S. Army.
Gooscboy to you-know-who.
“TURE PLANS? Staying alive in that con-
tagious ward, the world. But right now
the prospects don't look 100 good.
‘The sequence of eventsleading upto the
THE
FU
hairraising confrontation interrupted
above began when, with a year of my
Army service still to go, I was
(4 few bars of background musi
please, professor)
transported from Fort Benjamin F. But
ler, within spitting distance of New
Orleans, to Middle High Germany as a
light-duty replacement, recommended for
clerical work, in the lth Q. M. C. Regi-
ment (Armored), Colonel Arthur O' Bow-
er, U.S. M. A. 13, commanding.
"Ehe 14th had set up shop in a former
SS recreation center near Bad Gasthaus-
amScimuck, а woodsy, watery. lethargic
spot far enough from the Fast German
border as not to worry the unwarlike
Russians overmuch, but not far enough
from the scatological delights of Ham-
burg as to allow randy NATO sailors on
shore leave a complete take-over of that
great port's amusing facilities.
Save for a cadre of crafty, alcoholic
Regular Army misfits, the 14th was com-
posed of draftees serving their
These cheerful incompetents spent 90
percent of each month either on 48-hour
passes or sacked out in barracks, staring
at Danish nudist pinups as they lied about
what they'd done on the weekend just
whooped through, meanwhile conserving
their bodily energy for the weekend to
come, The remaining ten percent of
their waking hours was devoted to fina-
gling money that would be stashed away
g a future 15-
timc.
with the purpose of fil
or 30-day leave with memorable physical
fun. The
to leg it over the Alps to Rome on tl
orgiastic outings; and while marking
time, they liked to hipper off for Ham-
burg every Saturday noon, Until shortly
before 1 reported to the regiment, his
i nto Coloncl
пме me
men were always st
O'Bower there, and always
shockingly debauched places. It had been
from one such nadir of love that, by
ly light, the colonel led
forth Fräulein Rosi Sineschpiener, to
make her his fiidly.compliantin-four
langu: ys” said
a fifth ly a
corporal, “ennyways, the fuckin" cooze
took the fuckin’ Ole Man's fuckin’ mind
offen his ge-fuckin-eese for а coupla
fuckin’ weeks.
The raising of grosslivered geese, be
gun as the harmless avocation of a colo-
nel at loose ends, had somewhere along the
way become a fanatic's obsession. Scl
phrenic extremism was a component
(continued on page 244)
n the most
the dawn's ci
ges bride. “Well, ennys
itch Jush who was tempor
Pm not rejecting you, Dad—t just said an evening
like this is very, very straight.”
article
By MORTON HUNT
CRISIS IN PSYCHOANALYSIS
is the imminent death of freudian therapy a predictable reality or a hostile fantasy?
WORD HAS REACHED nearly everyone who knows anything
and quite a few who know very little: Psychoanalysis is
passé, dying, outmoded. Out.
And, hence, not to be mentioned publicly except in scorn-
ful, knowing tones. Cocktail-party pundits and stay-at-home
ntellectuals, the literary avantgarde and bookshunning
social militants, New Left activists, pseudomasculine fem
inists and law-and-order conservatives all suddenly find it
in fashion to sneer at psychoanalysis and to assert that
what it labors long and ineffectively to do can be quickly
nd effectively done today by other methods: by drugs, for
isance—Miltown (о calm you down, Elavil to lift your
spirits, Dilantin to check your rages: by behavior therapy
—if rats, cats and dogs cam be "conditi
neurosis and then deconditioned out of it by laboratory
"rewards" and “punishments,” so can you; or by such new,
Now, turned-on techniques as encounter groups, weekend
marathons, sensitivity tr awareness groups, hypno
alysis, touch therapy and other forms of instant break-
throughs, existential reality, therapy as fun.
News of the deathbed throes of psychoanalysis has gone
around not only by word of mouth but in print—and lots
of it. Without making a complete search, I easily found
over 70 such articles in popular as well as techni
publications in the past five years. Significantly, many had
been writen by psychoanalysis who were either flagella
ing themselves and their fellows with the whip of self-
criticism or viewing the present and future of their profession
with gloom. In Harper's, Dr, Donald Kaplan, a busy and
respected. practitioner in New York, pessimistically wrote
about “The Decline of a Golden Craft" and asserted that
psychoanalysis was fast va Dr. Thor s a
psychoanalyst and professor of psychiatry at the Upstate
Medical Center in Syracuse, New York, and perennial
My to his own professi said in The New York
Times and many other places that it is dying because.
among other things, it was captured some time ago by the
dical profession and thenceforth founded upon а "big
lie"—the “myth” that mental ills are medical diseases.
(They aren't, Szasz cl
The New York
ast year, quoted а
nd renegades from.
Times,
nunibei
m a special roundup
of antianalytic psych
washed up; and som
ing “Psychoanalysis іп Search of Its Soul,"
same thing.
Many loyal psychoanalysts who would never make such
confessions or charges in public have done so within the
closed circle of their compcers. Dr. Leo Rangell, address
a meeting of the American Psychoanalytic Association
when he was its president, some years ago, told his audience
that the profession was in a critical period of “drift and
doubt.” Dr. Jurgen Ruesch, an eminent practitioner in
n Francisco, wrote in Science and Psychoanalysis of the
severe “status decline” of his profession, lamenting that in
movies such as What’s New, Pussycat? and Casanova 70.
їс, survey-
did much the
ILLUSTRATION ву DON PUNCHATZ
psychotherapists are portrayed as “lecherous, effemin:
confused, ineffective, deviant and, above all, ridiculous.”
Other psychoanalysts have told cach other that their profes-
sion has made no important discoveries years, thar
the frontiers of psychology and psyd ave moved
elsewhere, that the institutes of psychoanalysis аге having
trouble getting enough high-grade applicants for tra
and that many practicing analysts are suffering from dwin-
dling practices. Summarizing, Dr. Judd Marmor, a past
president of the American Academy of Psychoanalysis,
recently said, “The handwriting is on the wall for all to
sce. Psychoanalysis is in serious danger.”
With frends like this, who needs enemies? But psy
choanalysis has plenty of them and they're currently in full
cry. Psychiatrist William Sargant, writing a polemic in
Atlantic Monthly, asserted that “the claim ol psychoan:
sis to be able to get at the cause and treatment of inen
illness is based on blind Freudian faith engendered on the
couch. rather than by any proven scientific fact. . . . There
has never yet been any really satisfactory evidence pub-
shed to show the special types of patients who сап be
helped, let alone cured, by Freudian methods ol at-
ment.” Psychologist James V. McConnell, proclaiming in
squire that “Psychoanalysis Must Go." terms it antiquated
s a psychology and ineffective as a therapy. And not just
reflective; he actually portrays it as a hindrance to getting
well, saying that while psychoanalysis are probably "nice
guys" and well meaning, the therapy they employ inter
feres with the neurotics natural tendency to get better by
himself and makes his neurosis last longer than need be.
"This charge is only a repetition of what other behavior-
ist psychologists have been saying for some years. Their
brand of psychology, largely based on laboratory studies of
animal behavior, is thoroughly anti-Freudian, and most ol
them reject in its entirety the vast body of clinical observa
tions, therapeutic methods and theoretical constructs that
psychoanalysts have ted over the past 70-odd
rs. Their most articul spokesman is
|. J. Eysenck, a British research psychologist (not a thera
pist) who has argued in books, technical monographs
even in popular articles in mass magazines that psycho
alysis is not only a fraudulent theory cy
harmlul therapy. He mai
ed neurotics get well on their own within two years, while
less than half of those who receive therapy do so--from
which it would appear that therapy actually relards recov
ery. This would be а devastating attac lytic thera
pies but for one major flaw: Dr. Eysenck has compiled his
statistics by adding up the results of а number of dillerent
у different people and using different def
initions of "neuro and the like, yet he weats
the figures as if they were all comparable. Even some of the
most thoroughgoing anti-Freudians have been unable to
accept his conclusions, mud as they would like to.
Only one enemy of analysis has even more vigorously
asserted that it is wholly lacking in value and validity. Dr
Albert Ellis, а New York psychologist and inventor of his
107
own brand of therapy, had used psy-
choanalysis for about three years: it
didn't work very well for bim. he says,
and he has been critidzing it in print
ever since. In a recent article, for in-
stance, he says that probing the past is
irrelevant and unnecessary. that psy
choanalysis encourages the patient to
PLAYBOY
her than do some-
wallow in feelings rà
thing abou the mess he's im. what it
makes him a conformist, that it makes
him dependent upon the analyst. that it
takes the best years of his life and а lot
of his moncy and, in sum, that it does
him not only no good but a lot of harm.
This should not upset Dr. Ellis, since
he believes that. psychoanalysis is practi-
cally dead ly. Yet he and many
other enemies of analysis continue to
attack y and to denounce it
in savage polemics, which seems more
than a little odd: If psychoanalysis is on
its deathbed, already cold in the lower
extremities and rattling in the throat,
why bother to do battle with it? Why
exert oneself to slay what is so nearly а
corpse?
And even if it were not in extremis,
why this elephantine alarm at the sight
of a mouse? For such it is, in numerical
terms. Only about 1700 physicians in
this country а mere ten percent of the
nation’s psychiatrists within the Ameri-
can Psychiatric Assoc have taken
advanced training and become psycho-
analysis: in addition, only about 700 to
1000 psycholugists—two percent of the
total—and a smattering of social workers
have done the same thing after getting
Ph.D.s or M S. Was. All told, there are
по more than 2500 to 3000 well-trained
psychoanalysis in the United States. And
since, on the average, each of them has
ont ients in individual
analysis (plus others in les ambitious.
forms of therapy). there can be no more
than 20,000 to 24,000 the
whole country currently in the process of
psychoanalysis, This is only one half of
one percent of the total number of Amer-
ans currently receiving some form of
psychological or psychiatric treatment
about one tenth of one percent of
Americans who have any major or m
form of emotional or mental disorder.
Why, then, the intensity of the
and the disproportion: эши of space
allotted to hopeful obituaries ol both
theory and therapy? Because figures с
and do lie Psychoanalysis, despite
сше numbers and its recent bad
mi
ense inlluence
agree that the t
Friends and foes al
selors) and pastoral counselors is
dominated by psycho:
who are analytically oriented. Only psy
dıoanalysts are trained to probe the un
conscious and to deal with the explosi
10g materials they may find there: but all the
Its or
others, tho
cemed with the unconscion:
to think
in such “psychodyn
lytic) terms as repression, projectio
sublimation, transference, regression, the
1 character, the ога
many others. In sum,
the diagnosis
and mental ail
are taught
bout their patients’ difficulties
p ysis on Ame intellectual
life. Educators. ministers, writers, literary
critics, historians, anthropologists, sociol-
ogists and criminologists have all ab.
sorbed various Freudian concepts into
their own disciplines. The truant pupil
is viewed as a troubled child, not a
ughiy one; the Nazi mentality is seen,
t, as the outgrowth of a rigidly
disturbed
than prisons, or
en group therapy: and in many novels
and films. the past is brought in as often.
and fantasy and symbolism used
inglully. as in analytic sessions or dreams.
Sociologist Philip Riel sweepingly says
that Freud's writings constitute “perhaps
n the 20th Century
th: nged the
course of Western intellectual history.”
And even the thinking of everyman.
Virtually everyone who reads а
paper, gots to the movies or watche
vision is quite at home with certain
assumptions derived from analysis: for in-
stance, that much bad behavior is caused
not by wickedness but by emotional sick
mitted to pape
this body of thought "I
ness, that physical diseases often have
psychological causes, that even little chil
dren have sexual desires, that the real
reasons for the n adult acts are
ics of his
childhood. Which is unmixed
blessing: for along with increased und
standing of ourselves and others, it has led
100 many of us bil
for our own act
blacks, student rioters—and everyday
of-the-mill citizens who drink too inu
or gamble. or commit adultery, or
mean to
ойе.
nd their unconscious as
s, the routine apologi
for th 1 behavior.
No wonder the barrage is so intense,
the deployed forces so large: What is
under attack is no minute subspeci
medicine but the dominant force in the
whole field of mental health and a m.
i culture.
Incredibly enough. all this stems in
m the work of a single
man. When Sigmund Freud was studying
nV ‚ the lare 1870s. the
g view of mental illness was
Psychiatrists thought that each
still unknown) physical cause—a weak-
ness of the nerves, a lesion of the brain,
a toxicity of the blood stream, Freud
himself accordingly began his career as a
neurologist
ministered coca
and other physiological therapies to hi
urotic patients. Unlike his colleagues.
however, he soon recognized that these
did little good and turned to psycholog
cal methods. At first he and a collabor
tor, Dr. Josef Breuer. used hypnotism
to eliminate symptoms h sugges
tion, but shortly they recognized that
under hypnosis, a patient could recall
painful repressed experiences that se
related to the symptoms, and that v
lating their bottled-up emotions seemed
to bring major relief. The results, how
ever, were temporary, and Freud, work
ing by himself, sought a beuer method
both of investigating the patient's past
and of maintaining the improvement i
his condition, Freud found the answer
in [rec association—a procedure in which
the patient. not under hypnosis. lets his
thoughts wander freely and says out loud
whatever comes into his mind. The way
he proceeds from one thought 10 another
not only reveals the hidden interconnec
tions of his mind and the structure of his
neurosis but. allows hi
member his hidden (ее
them through” consciously until they no
longer exert a malign influence on him.
This “talk cure" (as one of the fist
patients called it, for want of a better
name) is the heart of
trying (involving а ticky
ul interplay berween patient and
1) and Freud
found it much superior to any oth
thenvexisting way of treating the neuroses.
Even more important. it was the first-
and remains the most important—tech
nique for investigating the unconscious
workings of the mind.
Peering deep into areas of the psyche
no one had seen before. Freud began to
formulate a psychoanalytic psychology—
not just of the sick human being but of
the well Indeed, the most si
icant, the truly revolutionary aspect of
Freud's psychology was his recognition
Шаг mental illnesses are not separa
entities, like bacterial infections. but ex
erations of normal. processes that. go
on within every healthy human being
We all begin lie as selfish, age
lustful little animals; we all learn that in
order to live with our parents a
society, necessary t0 obey
rules, set limits on the natural. desires.
forbid ourselves ce
ior. We all, therelore. experience pai
inner conflicts as children, which we deal
h by burying our unacceptable desires
ош of consciousness and de
ever had them. and by other simi
(continued on page 116)
one.
WAR GAMES
michael caine, as a battle-wary british soldier, shows
that stiff-upper-lip letters home can be pure tommyrot
EL CAINE's latest starring role—in Robert Aldrich's Too Late the Hero unfortunat
ly, devoid of the feminine companionship that marked so many of his earlier sercen appea
ances. Scheduled for release in December, the film also stars Cliff Robertson, Henry Fonda
and Denholm Elliott, and casts Caine as a British-army medic serving in the Philippines
during World War Two. However, preferring to make love, not war, Caine donned his
uniform to help us depict the nonmilitary exploits of a universal soldier whose letters home
barely begin to capture the pleasurable realities buried somewhere between the lines
My Dearest Constance,
A high-ranking officer has selected me for a rigorous
undercover mission and I feel it's my duty to carry it
out to the best of my ability. 1'11 think about you all
the while, luv, and about the smashing times we had in
109
1
Dear Mum and Dad,
1 know I promised to send vou part of my pay every month,
and even though I háven't yet, I don't think you'll mind when:
I explain the reason. You see, some of us servicemen have
been pooling our money to start a fund to help the poverty-
stricken natives of this island; and I'm sure that if you took
one look at the condition their poor, deformed bodies are in, you'd
want to do the same--especially you, Dad. So be patient
and perhaps next month I'll be able to send..
Dear Cart Edith, Hs
„ааг hou nta Ед you are tu oredr
Learn very тИ about he К УЛОУ УУ
Кле. U have tugaged a HALIL Guide, tutto
YW оре lo ate 2 hat more Lalor. Until then,
Teddy,
For a bloke who vas judged unfit for military service,
you've got a lot of nerve accusing me, a dedicated fighting man,
of shirking my duties. Why, only yesterday I came very close to
being captured by the enemy; and I would've been if some
friendly villagers hadn't taken me in and concealed me until the
danger had passed, You ought to be ashamed of yourself, sitting
there in your comfortable flat while I....
113
an array of elegant equipage
to kindle the gentleman's contentment
1. Crystol pipe stand, from Cartier, $15, holds (left ta right): briar
pipe with meerschoum-lined bowl, by Koywoodie, $22.50;
Playboy brior pipe, from Playbay Products, $15; “The Pipe" of
pyrolytic graphite, by The Venturi Company, $15; and Danish
hond-corved briar pipe, from Romick's International, $45. 2. Pipe
knife of 9-kt. gold, fram Bergdorf Goadman, $210. 3. Matchbox
cose of 18-kt. gold, from Corlier, $210. 4. Tortoise-shell and
14-kt.-gold lighter, from Bonwit Teller, $180. 5. Cigor cutter of
onyx and malachite, from Bergdorf Gaodmon, $70. 6. Brushed
sterling-silver lighter, from Cartier, $40, 7. Cigar cutter af 14-kr.
gold with sapphire setting, from Bergdorf Goodmon, $105.
8. & 9. Matchbook cover af 14-kt. gold, $200, and butane
lighter of 18-kt. gold, $425, both from Cartier, 10, Morse
Telegraph Key butane table lighter that's bottery pawered, from
Berkshire Sales, $30. 11. Two brass roach holders, from the
Sight Shop, $3 each. 12. Tortoise-shell and 18-kt-gold cigor
holder, from Cartier, $75. 13. Spring-operated sterling-silver
cigar cutter, fram Bergdorf Gaodmon, $17.50. 14. “The Barcraft”
gold-ploted table lighter, by Zippo, $20. 15. Parcelain ashtray
with revalving caver can be used both indoors and out, from
Bonniers, $19. 16. Marble cigarette case, from Cartier, $50.
17. Escort rechargeable AM packet rodio also houses flashlight,
Swiss watch end cigarette lighter, by Westinghouse, $34.95.
18. & 19. Cigorette-pack-shoped cose af 14-kt. gold, $1070,
and ultrathin cigarette cose of 1B-kt. gold, $815, bath from
Cartier. 20. Compy “Early American" lighter has solid-ook base
thot holds o striking stane ond motches, by El Cid, $7.
21. Ruby-gloss antique cigarette box, fram David Borrell, $300.
22. Sterling silver ashtray ond match holder, fram Cartier, $12.50,
115
PLAYBOY
PSYGHOAMALYSIS |. from page 108)
“defense mechanisms.” Some of these de-
fense mechanisms do us no harm and
even bring us rewards: А man with mur
derous impulses may. for instance, subli-
mate them in his career, becoming а
driving. competitive and highly success
ful businessman. But some defense mech
nisms are poor ways of solving the
problems, being in themselves impair-
ments rather than benefits. An example
given by Dr. Franz Alexander: A mi
jous at his father and would
swear at him; this wish conflicts with his
superego—his ingrained sense of right
nd wrong or, in a word, his “conscience”;
he unconsciously solves the dilemma by
losing his voicc—but this defense is costly,
because he needs his voice in his business.
Another example: А woman marries a
an like her father; sexual pleasure with
this father figure would make her feel
unbearably guilty; she becomes frigid,
thereby sparing herself the guilt—but at
the «os of denying herself fulfillment
Such neurotic defenses, like scar tissue
that hinders movement, involve “limita
tions of function.” But at least they рге
serve sanity: It is when defenses fai
the unconscious conflicts burst
through
suddenly upon the conscious mind. that
the сро collapses and the person becomes
psychotic or "mad." There is a madman
within cach of us, imprisoned by our
defenses and glimpsed only in nightmares
or when we are drunk or drugged,
Freud and Breuer published their ini-
tial findings. 1895; Brener bowed out
thereafter. By 1900. Freud had brought
forth his epochal The Interpretation of
Dreams, which opened up the whole
subject of unconscious dy ; and by
1905, hc had published his theory of
infantile sexuality and outlined the im-
mense role it plays in our psychological
development, But his books and his
findings were shunned by the horrified
prudes of that time, Tt took eight years
to sell the 600 copies printed of The
Interpretation of. Dreams. and bis writ-
ings on infantile sexuality did litle bet-
Most physicians considered. hi
ifc and, far worse, disgust
When Freud’s theories were mentioned
at a psychiatric congress in. Hamburg in
1910, one eminent professor pounded
the table and shouted, “This is not a
тор ussion at a scienti|
T matter for the polic
All the same, a small band of interest-
ed men gathered about Freud to study
with him, and psychoanalysis began to
grow slowly but steadily. In Europe,
however. it remained а semiseparate spe-
cially; only in the United States did
enter both the mainstream of. psychiatry
and the cultural life of the country. The
American Psychoanalytic Association was
nded in 1911; by the 1920s, psychoan-
ic concepts were famili
de: and by the 19305, it
was a "movement;
tutes turning out analysts by the score,
European analysts (fleeing from Nazism)
arriving by the hundreds and patients
enough turning up to keep them all
busy.
World War Two gave psychoanalysis
a further boost. Under the guidance of
psychoanalysts, medical officers through-
out the Army used “frontline psych
makeshift forms of mental fi
consisting of reassurance, the freedom to
talk out the soldiers’ fears, and rest. This
gave limited but immediate relief to these
sullering from combat d sal
vaged large numbers of men whose brand-
new neuroses, if untreated, might have
cost them many months in hospi
wards or left them emo
the rest of their lives. Vastly impre:
ny medical officers turned to psychia:
пу after the War, bent on becoming
psychoanalyst
The 1950s were the high-water mark
of its influence and prestige. Indeed, the
tide rose too high: psychoanalysis became
ad, its tentative suggestions being un
ically accepted by enthusiasts, its
principles being vulgarly used (and mis-
used) to tell all to everyone. to play
games of amatcur analysis, to place all
the blame for one’s failures on one’s
parents. As Erik Erikson, the disti
guished elder statesman of psychoanaly-
sis, once said, "Even as we were trying to
devise a therapy for the few, we were led
to promote an ethical disease among the
many."
Moreover, its early succès deslime
thrust it into the bright light, exposing
contradictions and absurdities it
had time ıo eliminate. For om
breathed life into the infant science of
psychology, yet itself remained chronica
ly unscientific; its practitioners, being
п the process, could never
| observers and judges of i
but they would not let anyone act
observer, lest the alien presence
teraction between a
percent of the collective worl
all Americ lysis,
survey made for the National Inst
of Mental Health and the Ameri
Psychiatric Association.
more serious internal coi
1 debate over what
sort of thing psychoanalysis is—a med
therapy or a psychological re-education.
reud himself, rejected by the medi
societies, trained. psychologists as well
physicians to perform analysis and coi
sidered it as much a branch of psychol-
ogy as of medicine. In this country.
however, the medical profession took over
lysis, while academic psychologists in
the universities generally ignored it and
clung to their nontherapeutic studies of
intelligence, perception and learning. As
An even
flict is the perc
the American Psychos
„ the largest body of psycho-
lysts in this country, takes the official
position that analysis is a subspecialty of
psychiatry, thar the analyst needs to know
sult,
and that no one but a physi
practice analysis. (Psychologists
workers who want to study psychoanaly:
ceptable to the 20 inst
ated with the association and have to get
their training at any one of a dozen or
more independent insti the
graduate schools of New York University
or Tulane.) Yet the orthodox Freudians of
the American Psychoanalytic Associatio
—the very people who а emphatic
about excluding nonphysicians—would
пог dream of examining a patient physi-
lest the. psychological interplay be
псу or at
tween them be affected by it: y
indeed, would not cven give an aspirin to
a patient with a raging headache,
"The nonmedical (sometimes called
"lay") analysts, for their ра rd
medical Freud:
the orthodox
igid, uncreative and power hungry,
scoff at the idea that analysis is a medical
specialty. Nonetheless, nonmedical ama-
Iysts call what they do treatment or ther-
ару. call their clients patients and
consider it only right and proper that the
Internal Revenue Service classifies psycho.
analysis as a deductible medical expense
—even when performed by а nonmedical
analyst.
Also troubling and disillusioning to
the believer in psychoanalysis is the spec
icle of the continuous schisms that alllict
— schisms within nonmedical ranks as
much as within medical ones. From the
beginning. psychoanalysi plagued by
a tendency to adhere rigidly to what the
founder said—it is often remarked that
ms are more
Freudian than Freud"—and to expel dis
sidenis and innovators. or at least 10 be
so inhospitable to their ideas that they
would break away and found their own
diques. But cach new heresy rapidly be
ame an orthodoxy and led to new her
esies and splits. Perhaps the hostility
psychoanalysis originally faced has given
it an undying legacy of delensiveness:
though basically поте psychoanal-
ysis, like Christianit
multiplicity of doctrines, credos, apostasies
and excommun
Some of the issues
about seem substant
part do the unconscious, the inst
and the infantile play in neurosis,
how large а part the conscious,
learned and the adult?
seems much of the qua
procedural t
the
But sometimes it
cling deals with
lyst lets the
"real"
lysis or does it so change the relation:
it becomes "only" psychother
apy? Conversely, is the use of the couch
y therapeutic but a mere
(continued on page 174)
PLAYBOY
118
was an epidemic of smallpox, measles, scarlet fever or
croup, the pious matrons of the town went running to
the study house, screaming at the elders that it was all a
punishment for keeping the whore in a house belonging
to the community. But what could they have done with
a cripple?
Her name was Tsilka and her Yiddish had the accent
of those who lived on the other side of the Vistula. The
residents of the poorhouse avoided her like a leper and
she ignored them, too. But when the men from the
town came to visit her and brought her groats, chicken
soup or a half bottle of vodka, she smiled at them
sweetly and suggestively. She wore a string of red beads
around her neck. Long earrings dangled from her ear
lobes. She pushed the quilt down to expose the upper
part of her breasts. Occasionally, she let her visitors
touch her sick legs. She soon had a group in town who
rallied round her. The town toughs warned Zorach, the
poorhouse attendant, that if he mistreated Tsilka, they
would break his neck. They asked her many questions
about her past and she answered them, shamelessly
boasting about her sins. She remembered every detail,
leaving out nothing. After a while, some of those who
were living at the poorhouse made peace with her,
because through her they, too, got better food and even
some liquor. Those who lay on straw pallets near her
began to enjoy her tales. Although they wished her the
black plague and eternal hell, they had to admit that
her stories shortened the monotonous summer days and
the long winter nights. Tsilka maintained that when
she was eight years old, a horse dealer enticed her into a
stall and there he raped her on a pile of hay and horse
dung. Later, when she became an orphan, she began to
copulate with butcher boys, coachmen and soldiers. Her
town was near the Prussian border and the smugglers of
contraband made love to her. Tsilka named all the
towns where she was in brothels, spoke about the mad-
ams and pimps. Cossack officers preferred her to the
other harlots. They danced and drank with her. A crazy
squire made her bathe in a wine-filled tub and later
drank from it. A rich Russian from Siberia proposed
marriage to her if she would convert to the Orthodox
faith. But Tsilka refused to become a Christian and to
betray the God of Israel. She had no desire to marry that
Ivan and bear little Ivans for him. What could he have
given her that she didn't have? She wore silken shirts
and underwear. She ate marzipan and roasted squabs.
For many years, she was fortunate. She never became
pregnant, she never got the clap. Other whores, who
began their profession later than she, routed away in
hospitals, but she remained young and beautiful. Sud-
denly, her luck turned. In a brothel in Lublin, a girl
poisoned her procurer. At the investigation, she accused
Tsilka of the crime. Tsilka was charged with murder
and sent to the Janow prison because the women's
section of the Lublin jail was overcrowded. There she
spent nine months in solitary confinement in a damp
cell full of bedbugs and other vermin. The Lublin
investigators had forgotten her, Her papers were mis-
placed somewhere. The trial never took place. They had
to free her. But a few days before her release, her legs
lost their power and became like wood. Tsilka bragged
that the prison guards had affairs with her. In a cell
next to her sat a bunch of thieves. One night they
gouged out a large hole in the wall and, through this,
they copulated with her. Hodel the widow, whose pal-
let was close to Tsilka's, began to wince, raised her fists
in a fury and shouted, “Shut your foul mouth. Your
words are deadly venom.”
“Sweet venom.”
“God waits long and punishes well."
"For my sake, he can wait a little longer," Tsilka
answered mockingly.
There was quarreling in Janow because of Tsilka.
The community leaders held a meeting on what action
was to be taken. She defiled the town. Even the boys in
the study house discussed her. After lengthy debates that
lasted until dawn, it was decided to send her to the
poorhouse in Lublin. The Janow community was ready
to pay for her upkeep there. Lublin is a big city and
they have many like her there. The old Janow rabbi,
Reb Zeinvele, admonished his congregants that one
leprous sheep can contaminate the whole flock. He
remarked that Satan's aides were everywhere—in the
market place, in the tavern, in the study house, even in
the cemetery. The situation in Janow had come to such
a pass that respectable tradesmen, fathers of children,
stood for hours around Tsilka’'s bed, listening to her
obscenities. They brought her so much food and so
many delicacies that she gave gifts to those who flattered
her. The children in the poorhouse she treated with
cookies, raisins, sunflower seeds. She no longer lay on a
straw pallet but on a bed with linen. In Janow, it was
unheard of for a female to smoke. Tsilka asked for
tobacco and cigarette paper and she rolled “her own
cigarettes and blew smoke rings through her nostrils.
How long can a town like Janow stand for such loose
conduct? After prolonged negotiations. a letter came
from the community of Lublin, stating that Tsilka
would be given a cot in the room where the moribund
are kept. A screen was to be placed near her bed, so that
the others wouldn't have to see her insolent face. Be-
sides the expenses for her maintenance, the Lublin
community asked the Janow community to pay for her
burial fees in advance, even though Tsilka would be
buried behind the fence. When the contents of this
letter became known in Janow, the Tsilka followers also
gathered at a meeting and one, Berish the musician,
who was known as а scoffer, a woman chaser, a vitupei
tor, instigated the rabble. “The so-called upright citi-
zens,” he ranted, “are supposed to serve God, but actually
they serve only themselves. They have appropriated
the best of everything—the brick houses, the eastern
wall in the synagogue, the stores in the market place,
the fat women, even the bestlocated graves. However,
the moment a shoemaker, a tailor or a comber of pig
bristles tries to raise his head, he is immediately threat-
ened with excommunication and a bed of nails in
Gehenna. We will not allow them to send Tsilka away
to Lublin, where she will rot away while alive. We can
take care of her here. It's true that she's a fallen woman.
But who are those who fall into sin? Not the pampered
daughters of the rich, may they be consumed in fire. It’s
our children who are fair prey to every lecher. Our
daughters work as servants in the houses of the wealthy,
and their sons, who are supposed to study all day long,
creep into their beds at night. The mothers of these
privileged boys pretend not to see. Sometimes they even
encourage them.” Bi spoke with such zeal and with
such violent gesticulations (continued on page 269)
"Now, see here, Mr. Woodworth—I asked you to wait in the
reception room while I talked to your wife privately. If
you always go about spying on her this way, no wonder your
marriage is going on the rocks!”
PLAYBOY
122
J. Obanhein, He'd gotten a call about the
rubbish and went up there to investigate
the situation. personally and for a couple
of hours did some preliminary inves!
tive policework around in the pile of
ubbish, “I found an envelope with the
name Brock on it,” Chief Obanhein said,
so I called them and talked to Alice. 1
could hear her asking them where they
dumped the stuff.
Well, Arlo started. looking innocent,
the way he does, with his kid grin curl-
ing in at the ends and sort of hide-and-
seek under his dimples, so you know he
could never do no wrong, but, friends,
Obanhein couldn't see that look on the
telephone or that angel's face with а
couple of pimples stuck on there for
believability, so he asked some more of
his investigative questions and Alice
ied to protect Arlo, but, well, the truth
id soon the boys found the
selves in Obanhein's police car, which
was this blue Ford Galaxie 500 with
some rusty dents on the left side.
So they went up to Prospect Hill and
Obie took some pictures and on the back
he marked them prospect HILL RU
DUMPING UNDER GUPMRIE AND ROB-
And took the kids to jail
nd what it says in the son
there was no police brutality, по mis-
treatment. “I didn't put any handculls
them,” says Chief Obanhein emphati-
ally, “and I didn't take the toilet seats
off, "cause we don't have апу seats. 1 told
the architect who designed the cells you
can't have things like that, ‘cause when
people come in here, they're like to rip
them off.”
Il, Arlo and Rick sat down on tl
al cor in this little room painted
with some chicken wire on the
window and no seat on the toilet and
preuy soon Alice showed up and Alice,
well, she was outraged, she called Obie
every name she could think of, and it
was very funny from one point of view,
because Obie, well, he comes on hard, but
not reecelly hard, he's a decent guy, you
know. “I told her if she didn't stop I'd
arrest her,” Obanhein said, and he would
ave, so she did stop, and handed over the
il money. Then they went over to the
town of Lee to the courthouse
Well, it was an open
anyway; the kids went in, pleaded,
"Guilty, your were fined 525
example for others who
might be tempted to dispose of their
age carelessly.
Then they all went back to the church,
except for Obie, and had a good laugh
and sat around, singing, the way they did.
а lot at the church, usually on Friday
and Saturday evenings, or, you know,
grooving with cach other, rapping, d
ging grass, and they sort of started to
write Alice's Restaurant together, pretty
actly the way it happened,
much е
except for some poctic license, which you
don't apply for at precinct headquarters.
“We were sitting around after dinner
and wrote half the song," Alice recalls
nd the other half, the draft part, Arlo
wrote.
The draft part begins afier Arlo has
bled through the whole garba
lively and sometimes funny, with a s
donic view of control and authority, a
lark but with sour juice and lessons all
through it. "But that's not what Im here
10 tell You about,” he says, and, friends,
he isn’t. Because in the draft part of the
song, he tells how he agrees to kill, kill,
kill Tor the Army. But, friends, he isn't
going to be allowed to burn villages and
Kill women and children, because he has
a criminal record; he was convicted. of
liucring up in Massachusetts.
опе of this second part really hap-
pened at the time he wrote the song, but
later it sort of did. Arlo's draft call came
up and he and his mother, Marjorie, and
Harold Leventhal, his manager, sat
down to work out the strategy of what.
he would do—see if they could set up
some kind of protective barrier between
him and the world; but Arlo was deter-
mined, he wouldn't be moved. In some
ways, he is а very strong-willed kid—he
is a vegetarian, because he doesn't be-
lieve in eating burned dead bodies, for
example—ánd he decided he wasn’
going to take the induction oath and,
hell no, he wouldn't go. As it happened,
the problem never came up. Arlo is not
exactly the all-American kid from New
York City, even though he was born in
Coney Island. In dress he is at thc
epicenter of the unisex-folkbilly gear-
quake, with crushed-red-velvet Levis and
shocking-pink ruffled dress blouse for
his concerts. as а good illustration, and
is long curly hair hangs down to his
shoulders; and when he snaps his head
around to keep it out of his eyes, he
looks like a petulant East Side rich chick
who has just been told she cannot drink
stevedores bar in Old Chelsea. His
views arent exactly ош of the civics
primer, cither, what with not believing
killing people to defend the flag or
for any other awfully “good reason”; so
the Army took a quick look and said,
Here's a real bummer, and threw him
k into the stream of life, which is
exactly where he belongs, "IE I were the
Army,” says Arthur Penn, "/ wouldn't
take him,”
Arthur Penn was the director of Bon-
nie and Clyde, which many people, in-
duding me, consider one ol the two or
three best American movies of the dec
so made enough money to ena-
э to pick virtually anything he
anted for his next film. He chose Alice's
Restaurant.
"What sort of film will Alice be?” 1
ked Penn. Bonnie had anatomized the
Thirties, another era when people found
lawlessness in the law; and Mickey
much
One, an interesting but not successful
pped elliprically into. the
ilties. Was Alice poing to
he the song seemed
to me an exquisitely witty and clever
version of what the scene is for the kids
today. I was saying to someone that |
would hope were | of that age now 1
would have the courage to do what
they're doing.”
Penn and scriptwriter Venable Hem
don began by attempung to do the
record itself, and soon discovered that
something more was needed. “Then we
found the minister who had асау
deconsectated Alice and Ray's church
Herndon says, “and came to the ides
ay the holiness of the old
society, can they put holiness into the
new on
What they added to the plot was the
story of Alice and Ray Brock and th
ife in the church, which does not have
ny part a the song but which
© experience and
and all that follows.
Tollow, both here and
: for there is а turning now
all that followed,
and all th
elsewher
that only the blind cannot see, the gen
erations are particular
vehemence just now, the time bombs
nd blowing sc and pot
fumes and soft fragments like soft shrap-
nel into the body of this big. hard nation:
sex, religion, politics, social structures—all
, of course, and not
rapidly. History is à behemoth and there
Ё jon here that resists
it is happen
s song lays down the mclody and
the lyric of youth's tu Like Arlo
himself, the young people are sweetly
reasonable and unearthly stubborn as
they deal the a their deck: They
feed our ways ns back to us and
the look of dis
misuse, malaise, moral rue. And they are
all into this turning, so
others but all into it, turn
I arrive at Alice and Rays church to
find the filming in progress. Inside, the
church is lavish with color, the ей
plaster walls glittering with colore
paper cutouts in all sorts of shapes
Stars, rosettes, moons, crese
—with heliumdiled balloons
slowly to the heavy oak cei
Around a long banquet table lade
all sorts of goodies hover a large ni
of people in extravagant costumes—just
what a filmgoer expects to see at a hippie
feast, outrageous inventiveness and witty
sacrilege. In the nave of the church
3 tree and some rock ans gor up
Minsk folk child, desert Semite stud
(continued on page 142)
s, daisies
rising
beams.
with
aber
те
nusic
D through the mind-blowing miracle, he saw ten-ton grasshoppers,
а woman on a scarlet beast, and more—oh, god—much more
fiction By ASA B TAILGATING 1T out of Joliet on the 66 bypass, up through the gears оп the two
Oswald is wingdinging at a cool 70 on the level, which is not bad for a full van plus seven bicycles and two d
under canvas. Ш an inspector spots him, his ass is grass
"Cram and jam, I'm your moving man,” sings Oswald not too tunefully and with the accental overtones of Jimmy
Dean. He pulls the air horn as he blasts by one of them there beetle bugs. Right blinker on, he cuts it close to give
a thrill. Flashes his trailer lights because it's a woman driving, a woman with good legs, as Oswald can sce [rom his
high perch. Oh, what he has seen from where he sits.
Weigh stations closed, sweat drying in the early-morning air, Oswald unwinds, Lights a Swisher Sweet and chews
the tip. He's on Bennies and ten cups of coffee and his heart goes pumpety-pump. Cut that out, he says, He counts
his money in his mind. The van's loaded too heavy on one axle, which will mean a fine if he's caught. Balance that
gainst the fact chat he filled his tanks with diesel before he got the final moving weight and he's still ahead. A fat
cat on a greased bat.
It has bei long night in a long summer. He had to unload 10,000 cubes at the warehouse before he could fill
up for the Chicago run. Which meant he had to pay two helpers time and а half (continued on page 130)
ILLUSTRATION BY HERE DAVICSON
"When I heard you
were a two-limer,
I had no idea... .”
A PLAYBOY PAD:
NEW
HAVEN
HAVEN
amid connecticut's
early americana, a
bachelor architect
fashions a flipped-
cut domain
SHORTLY AFTER architect Charles Moore
cepted the position of chairman of the
chitecture department at Yale several
years ago, he purchased a small, century-
old New England frame house near the
university and then checked into a hotel
nted my home to
for six months. “I w
be both visually exciting and emir
comfortable," Moore, а 43 уса
lor, explained, “And to do it within the
alls of a New Haven cracker box w
creative challenge | couldn't resist, €
though it meant completely revamping
the interior of the house, from cellar to
attic.” Creative, indeed, was the lengthy
remodeling job. Instead of merely knock
ing down walls and widening windows to
additional space and light, Moore
up his pad vertically by
obtain
chose to opt
cutting holes in the floors and construct.
ing three plywood towers (Moore calls
Opposite page: The beck of
Charles Moore's for-out fun
house is open to the sun, which
floods through picture windows
ond a sliding gloss door. The op-
patterned potio fence is pointed
with on outsized 3; the number
shifts in degree of distortion,
depending on one’s point of
view. In the front foyer, Moore
also hos ployed with numbers;
‘al panels
slide on tracks, thus forming о
chongeoble wall. Below: Two
‘explorers discover o mini fourth
floor guest cove hidden under the
eaves. Right: A visiting quartet
enjoys а multilevel view of the
five cutout numeri
pad’s central tube, one of three
towers thot interconnect the
four floors of the house.
PHOTOGRAPHY BY
GOROON
them tubes) of varying heights that
stand about a foot
inner walls of the house. Then, to further
the illusion that his digs contain a large
amount of floor space—instead of the
modest 1400 square feet of living arca
that was left after the towers were con
structed—Moore fashioned geometric cut
outs in each of the towers, so that one
constantly sces glimpses of colors, objects
patterns and shadows in other sections of
the house. These surprising vistas play
tricks with the viewers perspective and
do, indeed, make Moore's domain scem
bigger than it actually is.
The unique configurations also make
the pad an ideal place for entertaining,
“Guests usually first head for the bar I've
set up in the kitchen and dining area that
has been created out of what was once the
(concluded on page 186)
way from the original
basement,”
Top: A comely guest reloxes in the privacy
of Moore's third-floor souna ond sun-lomp
room. Above: The combination kitchen
ond dining orea is locoted at the bock of
what once wos the house’s basement;
directly obove the toble is the pad's third
tower. For odditionel color and light, Moore
converted the cellor steps into o tiered
greenhouse by covering the hatchway with
o gloss door. Right: In the third-floor
master bedroom, Moore hos contrasted o
camp stor-spangled conopy ond vinyl spreod
128 — with a boroque print of a cathedral dome.
Top: The living room's deep built-in couch is
а cozy gathering ploce at porties. Above:
two exomples of Moore's clearly contempo-
rary taste in decor. Neon-tube sculpture is
more fun than functionol; the brillionce of
а multibulbed light fontostic hanging above
the dining table con be controlled by a
theostot switch. Top right: The silvercolored
interior of the house’s centrol tower reflects
sunshine from skylight. Right: Ancestrol
portroits hang in the front tower directly
above on antique Wurlitzer jukebox thot
Moore has stocked with yintage 78s.
PLAYBOY
130 man, he was dead before he refused
REVELATIONS connue from page 123)
dis-
white
own
dshicld time: and ihe
patcher in Joliet, an uptight
Knight who tried to run things
way, give him two rummies who would
rather drink than lift. Oswald had to
kick ass every half hour, Then he started
drinking with them. Out of fear, as he
mitted to himself, because he dreaded
lifting finger biters like Hide A Beds un-
less he was working with real pros who
would rather drop the bitch if it started
to slip. Whereas your alkics and college
kids would hang on in desperate faith
as 500 pounds of property gathered mo-
mentum and. came rolling downstairs to
Wap the bottom man. Which was how
Duffy got castrated.
So Oswald is filled with conflicting
chemicals on this morning outside Joliet,
and when a bus tries ro pass him on
upgrade, Oswald. pushes the accelerator
to the floor and makes the fucker work
for it. As always, the bus roars on
kd blinks his headlights to si
the cutin, but the driver is pissed and
refuses to get back in line until 500 yards
cad. Oswald longs for the time when
he will own a rig so powerful that it will
plus
Oswald
nessce folks. Hi
modified Presley.
boots and Lev
times a comb
pocket, A special holster sewn under his
Cab scat by led chick from St.
Louis cuddles his long-nosed police 38
(trigger pull over three pounds—never
slicks back in a
cowhide
m
He wears
adjusted). The m: tment holds
two leather-covered jacks, black
ncient sweat and blood. Also a
ng knife in a canvas sheath, two
flares, one carton of Red Man chewing
tobacco, опе box of Ajax prophylactics, а
go street guide and the weight pa-
pers for the home office.
Oswald pops another Benny
light brightens in his eyeballs. He sn
at himself in the mirror on the sun visor.
He sces a chunky blond man with writ
kles around the eyes. Looking at him
from a distance, you'd place him as a
young punk. But close up, the face shows.
rig for three years, since he was
it bears down on a man to pa
515,000 in that ui ive me a hump
strap and а jockstrap and ГЇ move the
world.” So says this modern. Archimede
only half jokin;
1t has not been too long
with red day caked betwee
ule team at his comm
ader the mud
him just before he died of a strange
disease that made him turn yellow all
over. Oswald offered up the cooking ju
to his daddy's lips and, credit 10 the old
nce he stood
his toes and
wl. "Make the
his daddy told
drink. Which prompted Oswald to dri
nd the lightning in the buuer
k for a week out the
с», where the sui
covered by his older brother, who held
his head under branch water il Os:
nn near drowned, and Brother
wanted to know why he hı
their daddy аз befitting
being. To which Oswald replied, in a
new gesture of independence, that Пс
been too drunk those seven days to do
nything except fuck his ow
rk brought the ust
ıd almost irrelevant cuff on the ear.
Oswald was moved into town, off the
30 acres (which was sold by the bank
10 а dunch Big brother
owned a h That is, he
owned a truck, an old 1936 Diamond Т
that. could still pull close to a ton on a
30 percent grade. It was there at the age
ol 14 that Oswald began what seemed to
n to bc hi
packing, loadin
ously sweating. They carried tree stumps,
garbage, furniture, dirt, gravel, feed.
fertilizer bags
sion, they would fit on the hig
deliver hogs to market, an episode both
brothers enjoyed, for it was fun to try to
run a саше prod up a pig's ass.
That first summer, before he had to go
high school, they neued enough to
Start payments "deer. Meaning, big
brother would rent himself and it out on
contract to clear Jand, and Oswald would
be prime mover for the Diamond T
Thus, a 14-year-old red-neck pissant who
has labored more t half hi e
survives through luck and strength and
ural craftiness (i.c. the ability not to
your share when your gut muscles
nal hernia).
ling. service
ald's opportunity to take
the transition offered ax with speed
nd muscle, that temporary,
nd limited experience of the high
hit as h mule could kick,
the occasional fist under the nose
dr less blood than a plow handle
snapped under the jaw. In his naïveté,
Oswald could not imagine cutting up the
turf without pu and after the first
full scrimm
on his
divots and patting the rich gras. A
mple gesture, at first laughed at, then
worshiped aed.
Able to hump up to three fertilizer
bags on his back, it nothing to Os-
wald to throw a cross-body block and lift
charging guard away from the play.
amics, Momentum, tension at the
moment and, nine times out of ten, he
could have blocked out a Big Jimmy
ic that year, his senior year,
allcounty, allstate year,
putative
when his cleats cau
ht in the grass, hi
nd the knee joint
in convulsed his
ed direction there
and he knew it. No more a
piece of valuable property, no more to
be scouted and praised. the letters [rom
coaches tu iliatory, then stopped.
ast for three months
out w king, weak. Nor
the leg of a hero. When healed and re
built, it seemed almost normal. Not trust-
worthy enough, however, to promote
nvestment. The leg became a barometer
for storms, aching before rain. His medal
and scar one and the same, as they al-
Limping when fatigued and
» when not. Back to what seemed
evitable way of lile at the age of 18.
All this being the fashion
wanderings through five more years as
straight and dull as highways. Bied on
Western music and tough reactions, he
d
ies blow his
nd, force (wi ¢) too. many
thoughts at once through his brain cells,
so that there on 66, he sees apocalypse.
shakes, steers around tenton grasshop
pers with mantis jaws, hauls the rig
a cloverleaf and coasts to а мор on the
road shoulder, there to sit and watch the
show in the sky until a cop pulls up
noves him on, so forcing him back to
quote reality unquote.
Tired, wary of his own destruction, he
to Chic:
ridi
for r
Comes this July d
u finds
м.
same day th
carly in the
where а loa
ng job is open at three
bucks an hour. Projections each, e
on a colliding course, one drives, the
other w: Hairston is think "
who knows what? Hairston lives by
nose, touch, Cut away from а
sense and а he leans on others
He d vaults to the dock.
He sees a relatively short and. powerful
ey who walks with a limp and stares
E als to Hair
ston say join that one, He does, ollering
neither hand nor glance,
"You can't get me no better?” Oswald
cries. "A deal and dumb spade? I feel like
an ant that’s going to crawl over and bite
Laughs from the freight
s to dump here first,
men.
boy. С‹
Unloading is no problem. It all goes
into storage, which means out of the
trailer, up to five, off and stacked. They
break the tail gate down carefully. One
chain busts and Hairston puts his back
ainst the whole mess, saving all except
one bicycle. Oswald gives а hog-call
thanks. Suunuece. He ropes the rest in
and firms it up, goes to ра Н,
(continued on page 230)
ston on
ILLUSTRATION BY ARNOLO VARGA
opinion By JOEL FORT MD.
THERE ARE an estimated 10,000,000 Americans who
smoke marijuana either regularly or occasionally,
and they have very obvious reasons for wishing t
pot were treated more sensibly by the law. As one of
the 190,000.000 who have never smoked marijuana,
І also favor the removal of grass from the criminal
laws. but for less personal reasons. It is my con-
sidered opinion, after studying drug use and drug
laws in 30 nations and dealing with drug-abuse
problems professionally for 15 years, that the pres
juana stares in America not only are bad
laws for the offending minority but are bad for the
vast majority of us who never have lit a marijuana
cigarette and never will.
That some changes in these law.
the near future is virtually certain, but it is not at
all sure that the changes will be improvements.
On May 19, 1969, the U.S. Supreme Court, in
an 8-0 vote, declared that the Marijuana Tax Act of
1937 was unconstitutional. "This decision delighted the
defendant, Timothy Leary, and was no surprise at
all to lawyers who specialize in the fine points of
constitutional Jaw. It had long been recognized
that the Marijuana Tax Act was “vulnerable”—a
polite term meaning that the law had been hastily
drawn, rashly considered and railroaded through
Congress in a mood of old-maidish terror that spent.
no time on the niceties of the Bill of Rights, scien-
tific fact or common sense.
Celebrations by marijuanaphiles and lamenta-
tions by marijuanaphobes, however, are both pre-
mature, The Court, while throwing out this one
inept piece of legislation. specifically declared that
Congress has the right to pass laws governing the
use, sale and possession of this drug (provided these
laws stay within the perimeter of the Constitution).
And, of course, state laws against pot, which are
often far harsher than the Federal law, still remain
in effect
There were two defects found by the Supreme Court
in the Federal antimarijuana (continued on page 151)
POT: A RATIONAL APPROACH
а leading authority on psychophatmpeology calls for a lifting of legal
prohibitions and punishments relatigg to marijuana—and explains why
re coming in
131
the eyes of texas are upon jean bell, a model
miss whos proof positive that black is beautiful
“I just try to get along.” For Miss October, though, getting
these days, as a model—happens to include cracking a few long
standing racial barriers along the way. The first of her firsts came
shortly after graduation from Houston's Phillis Wheatley high school,
when she became the first black clerk in a downtown men'sclothing
store. “I never did find out why they changed their policy and decided
to hire me—I think they just needed somebody right away, and I was
there. I really enjoyed the job, because I Iove meeting and geuing to
now new people—especially men.” While working there, Jean met
attorney who suggested that she try for a job as a secretary
PHOTOGRAPHY BY DON KLUMPI.
“Modeling is o free ond interesting life,” says Miss October, “because you never know where or for whom you'll be working next. It con
be pretty demanding, though." А sleepily pensive Jean starts this working day somewhat earlier thon she likes (below left), but her mood
оп the sunnier side by the time she’s dressed and on her way to Houston's D'Lyn Academy, where she checks on upcoming assignments
with booking coordinator Pat Renee (below right) before aiming for ће doy's first job—a magazine od for the Igloo Corporation.
Left: Posing with an Igloo ice chest, Jeon is directed by photogra-
pher Don Klumpp, who—cssisted by two admen—coaxes her into the
expression he wonts. Above: Later, Jean and good friend Frank Tur-
ner head south for Galveston ond toke a surfside stroll olong the Gulf.
at a local steel company. “The only black help they had then
were laborers,” Jean exi But the union was pressuring
them to integrate the office staff; and when I applied, they
It was slightly strained at first, but people are morc
n than they sometimes seem. When they sce you face 10
face every day, and sce that you're just another person, most
of them will respond warmly.” During her stay there, Miss
October filled much of her spare time in an amateur bowlin
Jeague—and walked off with a trophy for a high game of 245.
She made an even better showing, though, by acting on
whim: "One day I saw an ad for the Miss Houston comest in
the paper. ГІ try most anything once, so I called to apply
1 did tell them on the phone that 1 was black—but they
found out soon enough at the audition, The woman in charge
did a d of double take—because, u I then, it was an all
white contest—but nobody said anything. I came in only
fourth, but I did better in the Miss Texas contest after that—
1 got third in that onc." Jean’s contest winnings included a
scholarship to a Houston modeling school, and she was oll on
а new career. Assignments were initially lew, but then came
a few magazine ad campaigns, a three-week role as a dancer
in а summerstock version of 4 Funny Thing Happened on the
Way to the Forum, а growing demand for black mannequins, and
Jean was able to model full time. “I'd like to get into TV com
mercials next,” Miss October says of the future. “Then E want
to marry the right man. Like the Dylan song says, "Love is all
there is if somebody could make people learn that, the world
might be а better place in which to live.” We're sure you'll con-
cur that Miss Bell considerably brightens the one we have now.
uo maa L— 1. m aui MAR
The stroll fast becomes an unanticipated aquatic romp, as Jean and Frank give in to the happily soggy example of Twiggy, Jean's sea-
faring pet peadle (above). That night, Jean, Frank end Pat Renee lend their services to a Job Corps center (below). Jean delivers a well-
received lecture an the correct use of cosmetics and, afterward, Frank, who works far a casmetics firm, passes out free samples. "The girls are
eager to leam haw to do things right," says Jean. “It’s а shame more peaple aren't available—maybe I should say willing—to help them.”
PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH
I'm a fanatic obout bowling. For а while, | considered trying to become a professionol bowler; but, unfortunately, I'm not quite
good enough." As befits her earlier inclinations, Miss October begins with a proper spirit of seriousness—but that scon gives
woy to late-night clowning, which waxes even giddier when girlfriend Shirley Ann Roushion spots her ond joins in the fun.
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES
After completing their shopping, two young
secretaries were about to drive back to their
apartment when one realized that she'd forgot-
ten to stop at the drugstore for birth-control
pills. Rushing into the nearest pharmacy, she
handed the prescription to the druggist.
“Please fill this quickly,” she demanded. “I've
got Someone waiting in the car.”
Then there was the fellow who decided to start
procrastinating but never got around to it,
Our Unabashed Dictionary defines transves-
tite as a drag addict.
А college sophomore at a staid Fastern girls’
school entered the office of the dean of women
and began to weep bitterly. “A strange man
jumped me, knocked me out and violated me
while I was unconscious,” she sobbed. "It was
terrible!”
“That is terrible,” the dean declared. “You
missed the best part.”
There was a young fellow named Lancelot
Whom the neighbors all looked on askance a lot.
For whenever he'd pass
A presentable lass,
The front of his pants would advance а lot.
Suspecting her husband of infidelity, the wom-
an attempted to put an end to it by arousing
his jealousy. “What would you say if I told you
that I've been sleeping with your best friend?”
she asked provocatively.
“Well,” he mused, “I'd say that you're a
Lesbian.”
We know a fun-loving young lady who insists
she won't even consider marriage until she's
gotten some experience under her belt.
The newly married couple were entertaining а
bachelor neighbor in the den of their suburban
home when the conversation turned to sexual
morality. "Since you claim to be so liberal"
the bachelor challenged the husband, "would
let me kiss your wife's breasts for a thou-
sand dollars?"
Not wishing to seem prudish and needing
the extra money, the couple agreed and the
wife removed her blouse and bra. Then, press-
ing his face between her breasts, the chap
nestled there for several minutes, until the
husband grew impatient to complete the deal.
“Со ahead and kiss them," he urged the
bachelor.
“Га love to,
can't afford
” the fellow sighed, “but I really
While searching for an old Army buddy's
apartment in a small town, a uniformed Viet-
nam veteran spotted two spinster ladies
through a living-room window and stepped up
onto their porch to ask for directions. When
one answered the door, the other inquired
who their visitor was.
"It's a young soldier and he's got a Purple
Heart on,” said the old lady at the door,
looking the soldier up and down.
“I don’t care what color it is,” came the
voice inside. “Let him in.”
Then there was the Eskimo girl who spent the
night with her boyfriend and next morning
found she was six months pregnant.
Га like to buy some body make-up for my
girlfriend," the young lawyer told the clerk at
the cosmetics counter.
"Certainly, sir," the clerk remarked. "What
color would you like?"
"Never mind the color," the attorney said.
“What flavors do you have?”
Having leased an apartment to an attractive
receptionist, the landlord appeared promptly
on the first of the month and rapped sharply
on the door. "Who is it?" a feminine voice
called out.
“It's the landlo
to collect the rent.’
"Could you come back in an hour?" she
asked. “I'm still paying my grocery bill.”
" he shouted. “Гуе come
4l im
Impressed by the impeccable cleanliness of the
restaurant, the customer summoned his waiter
over to the table to compliment him.
"We take pride in our sanitary precau-
tions,” the waiter explained. "For example,
the manager makes us carry a spoon, so we
don't have to touch the food we serve, and we
even have a string attached to our pants fly, so
that we don't touch the zipper.”
“But how do you get it back into your
trousers?” the customer whispered.
“Don’t know about the others,” the waiter
replied, “but I use my spoon.”
Heard a good one lately? Send it on a post-
card to Party Jokes Editor, pLavnoy, Playboy
Building, 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago,
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor
whose card is selected, Jokes cannot be returned.
“Whoever designed this course sure put in some groovy traps."
PLAYBOY
142
AMOG G RAY (continued trom page 122)
and all other sorts of attire. A Wise Mat
is accompanied on tambourine by a love-
ly Chinese girl in mandarin robe, The
girl is acres Tina Chen and the Wise
Man is Arlo swathed to the eyeballs
blue and green felt, plucking a guitar
according to the script girl, he is
ta Wise Man at all but the King of
Cups from the tarot deck
Chief Oban g the set this
day. He chats with Arlo and they rem
nisce about the littering incident. Obie
tells Arlo that Arlo’s father wrote а lot
of songs loving America—This Land Is
Your Land and all that—what would he
think of his son dumping garbage? And
Arlo thinks about it and says, Jeez, he'd
be mad.
Arthur Penn comes bounding for the
amera in turtleneck sweater and Levis
and rubber-soled cross-country shoes. He
face bony, muscu-
ош, so that he appears to be running
even when he is standing still: but, re-
markably, there are no signs of tension
or weariness. He wears wogeleshaped
horn-rimmed glasses and has а large Up:
mann cigar in his hand, like a baton, and
he struts, and he is like a World War
Two fly boy with terrific coordination
He runs flat-out, as the R.A.F. pilots
used to say, but effortlessly, with grace
nd style, suffused with Jewish soul. That
s, simultaneously modest and cocky.
AIL right, let's ро for a take on thi:
he calls out, and all sounds cease; and
after a moment, the camera ba
follow Jimmy Broderick, the actor р
ing Ray, and Pat Quinn, playing 4
up an aisle hacked out of the crowd
of revelers toward the pulpit. This is a
scene from real life. Alice and Ray
married” in order to reaffirm their
n bond. Penn follows the came
arms crossed on his chest, his empathic,
hard-working face feeding hints and
leas into the play
not appear on film. There are seve
takes з the action shifts to the
d, where Broderick and
‘There is an oddity here, Many of the
extras were at the real wedding, because
y members, and,
(mann, who took the
phs for this article, officiated
he has any credentials for it
15 old, a loping long-jointed,
nosed sweetheart, He has curly hair
at he wears very long and in his bed-
room is a large number of postcards of
saints, holy men and holy places; and
will do past 33. 1 don't
Alice and Ray didn’t formally
he recalls, "but I just decided 1
wanted to marry them. I just dug the
idea. There was no premeditation to it,
because the last thing in my mind w
пу to creare a mannered ceremony, а
churchlike ceremony, because that was
the thing I was trying to get away from.”
Between takes in which the actor play
ing Benno marties “Alice” and “Ray
with dialog that is rhymed and somewhat
mannered, Benno circulates through the
crowd, snapping pictures; and as he pets
r side of the room, an attractive
wom
her falls
hers.
She wears а red-and-bladk striped floor-
length silk skirt and a low-cut ancient
creamlace bodice with much embroidery
on it Around her bare neck is a black
velvet band, like a vow or a reminder.
She is very auractive, caught halfway
herween boundless desire and inexplicable
iron restraints, and this tension transmits
itself as а large animal presence, She
like a caged panther. She seems to be here
but also elsewhere, some crucial part of
her missing. She resembles Pat Quinn, a
Pat Quinn with air drawn out of her
bosom and face, her mouth much thinner,
her upper lip stiffer, ungiving. Pat Qi
kisses Jimmy Broderick; that is, "Alice"
kisses "Ray" and, remarkably, this wom
standing on the side lines pales, her
cheeks sinking and hardening. [ go over
10 her and Benno introduces me and,
of comse, it is Alice herself.
"When the song came out and I w
in Boston and 1 would meet somebody
and he'd say, "What do you do, Alice?"
Га say, `1 used to have a restaurant in
Stockbridge.’ and he'd go, a-ha
She is forlorn, deflated, like some-
who's made a bad deal and has to
live with it, left empty and holding the
bag. "Now I'm completely unreal.” Yet
nto Benno’s arms, and he
ther's eyes. “I had a funny experience the
other day. One girl kept tagging around
ng me a lot of questions.
t 1 was Pat Quinn and she
kept talking about Alice, And I kept
saying. Tm Alice. 1 . . . am Alice.’ And
she just kept smiling, you know, and
saying, “This is a fantastic story, where'd
they ever find this church? I mean, did
they make up the story after they found
the church?” And 1 said. "No, it’s true,
it’s true. This went on for two days.
Finally, 1 got hold of the girl at lunch
time and Г said, "Look, Im Alice. This
building that you're in is my house, This
my story. It’s all true’ She hasn't
looked at me since. She was horrified.”
The film people paid Alice $12,000 for
her name and story (and paid Ray $1000
for his, plus 5500 weekly ren
church) and,
remarkable perspective for self-appraísal.
One of the things that Alice now realizes
is that their community, their family,
was not very democratic. "The way it
held together at the church was that R;
d 1 were very strong. We were really
1 for the
in the process, gave them a
parents. But it was really more than
that. Fantasy figures for everybody.”
Alice was the librarian at the Stock-
bridge school that year and Ray taught
things like sculpting and woodworkin
and getting along in life. They were only
recently married, an attractive couple.
Their style and charisma and beauty
captivated the kids. At the end of the
school year, Alice and Ray went up to
Martha's Vineyard to be house pai
а youth hostel and, ook
half the student body with us.
In the fall, Alice's mother gave them
wedding p a church. Alice and
Ray and the dogs and kids who had
become their family moved in and they
all began remaking the church into
home. Among the Stockbridge school
kids were Arlo Guthrie, Geoff. Outlaw
Steve Elliott, Mike Lerner, Liza Condon.
Rick Robbins and their assorted. friends
(Arlo’s British chick, Carol, among them)
and anybody else who happened by who
seemed to fit in and who wanted to help
build a hom
Ray had worked for a time in an
architect's office in Pittsficld, One of the
kids calls him an architect of the soul
who likes to make spaces. What he did,
he built iwo small rooms by the en
trance, leaving most of the great space af
the vaulted interior intact. Beyond the
тоот to the left, he broke throu
the 70foot bell tower and turned the
ace there into a kitchen.
hen he started up, building stairways
and rooms as he went, rising
the hard muscles in his back writh
g and the sweat of his labor sweet,
he built a home for his wi
—first a bathroom, then three sm
rooms, one atop the other, right up to
the bell.
L asked Arlo how thc community th
had developed. He seemed impatient
with the view that any volition had been
ached to it, eager to disclaim responsi
bility or control over events. “There's а
thousand different ways to do the same
" he told me
holding his voice momentarily in his
adenoids. "It happened to be an шоп.
scious one at first No one said, Let's
have a community. No one said, You do
ihi
cring. It just happened that way. The
о reason that it should, except this is
the time that we live in.
“And it's happening a lot of other
places, too," added his chick, Carol.
“1 felt at home,” Arlo said. “That's the
thing I think we all felt together. I ju
felt right at home.”
“We all love each other very mudh,
Carol added, “and Ray, he goes around
talking to trees and helping animals and
people. Everything in tris church was
h love:
n the church, from all reports,
(continued on page 192)
PLAYBOY
144
laryngitic while the pros batted around
dean white balls.
‘Then there was the world of baseball
fiction. This was where the glamor and
excitement really lay. It was here that
the dean-cut, clean-limbed, red-blooded
youths battled against all odds and vil
ins to save the day for the school nine
or the St. Louis Nationals, with some
superhuman diamond feat. Anti-heroes?
Don't ever mention that word to the
likes of writers such as Harold. М. Sher-
man, Ralph Henry Barbour, Zane Grey
and Burt L. Standish
Of all the baseball-fiction heroes I can
recall, one towers above the rest. His
name was Joe Matson and he romped
through as heartstoppimg and spine
Ireczing a series of sports sagas as Grosset
ad to offer. Of course, today's
cool football crowd and idolaters of the
boozing and wenching Joe Namaths
would proi n; but, frank
ly, І couldn't care less, They can have
Broadway Joc. I'll take Baseball Joc!
And now, for those of you who do
care, I would like to delve into a special
corner of my past and share a Baseball
Joe book with you. As nearly
recall, they used to go юше
thi
“Ho there, Joe! You, Baseball Joe
Matson!”
The speaker was John MacGrae,
crusty, cantankerous but lovable manag-
er of the New York Giants, He was
addressing а slim, manly youth who was
warming up his soupbone on the third-
base line
The genialfaced lad turned to h
manager and grinned. “A bully day for
the seventh game of the world series,
ch, Skipper?” said Baseball Joe Matson.
“IE our luck holds up, I do believe that
we shall lick the Yankees all hollow.
“Joe,” said the manager, “that pitch
you just threw, what was it?
“Which pitch, Skipper?”
young moundsman
sked the
, among others,
urve, а fadeawa ler, a sinker, a
hop, а floater, a knuckle ball, a fork ball,
а spoon ball and a fast ball with 11
speeds, the youth was often hard pressed
to keep tı
last pitch,
“Would you throw i
After ransacking his memory, the
youth coolly wound up and hurled the
sphere.
hat one?” said Joe. “That was just
а plain, ordinary shovel
“No, no,” said the mi
hot a shovel ball.”
“I beg to differ with you, Skipper,"
said the lad firmly but respect "The
ball curved in, then out, sailed, hesitat-
ed, dropped, skimmed over the edge of
the ground, then zipped up knee-high
МасСгае,
into the catchers mitt. If that isn't а
shovel ball, what is it?”
“Joe,” said MacCrae, with rising ex-
citément, true the ball curved in,
then out, sailed and hesitated. But if you
will recall, while it was hesitating, i
stead of chopping immediately, it bobbed
and pecked at the air for a moment.”
“By Jove,” said the youth, “you are
ight, It did bob and peck at the air, at
that.”
Baseball Joe Matson,” said John Mac
Crae, capping his ace hurler affectionately
on the shoulder, “you've done it again!”
“You mean,” said Joe modestly, “I've
invented another new pitch?"
Exactly,” said the manager.
“What shall we call this one?" asked
the youth.
“I have it," said the skipper. “A chick.
en ballt”
As Baseball Joe Matson throws down
his glove and goes over to take batting
practice, perhaps it would be a good idea
to introduce the reader to our young hero.
Not yet out of his teens, Joe had
already established himself as а figure to
be reckoned with in the ranks of the
national pastime, Winner of 39 games
without a loss during the season (not to
men three successive world se.
rics victories), he had hurled 12 no-hi
ters and had an carned-mm average of
-003. In addition, he was perhaps the
only pitcher in major-league annals to
bat dean up and play right fild on
those days he wasnt hurling, having
compiled a season's batting average of
517, with 82 four-baggers to his credit,
Already there was a strong rumor going
around the league that Joe had a good
chance of making rookie of the year.
And now, as we return to our young
hero, he has just laced his 19th straight
practice pitch into the far reaches of the
left-center-field stands of the Polo
Grounds. “I guess | am as ready as 1
shall ever be," the youth mused, as he
dropped his bat and headed for the
dugout.
Spying his manager walking coward
him, the lad cried. “Ho, Skipper, where
are my teammates? I have not seen them
during practice today and 1 should 1
lo discuss pregame strategy with them.
"Joc; said a noticeably distraught
MacCrae, “1 fear I am the bearer of
sudden bad tidings. Are you plucky
enough to take и?
The youth looked MacCrae dead in
the eye.
You may test my moxie,” he
said the manager, “that
your teammates have met up with foul
play.”
Twin patches of fire blazed on the
cheeks of our hero. “You don't mean to
tell me. he started.
exactly,” said the skipper
"They have been kidnaped!”
feared as much," said the youth.
it the gamblers арай!
glumly.
“L would not be at all surprised," sa
the manager.
“But surely,"
said Joe, “they did not
kidnap all of them.”
“The entire team,” said MacCrae.
"Strange, they have never before kid-
naped more than one player at a time,”
said the lad, who himself had been ab.
ducted ten times by the rascals during
the regular season.
“Which is an indication of how far
desperate men will go," said MacCrae,
“to achieve their nefarious aim:
“Oh, those rowers!” cried the youth.
"Those bounders! Why must they per
sist in trying to destroy everything that is
fine and good and decent in this, the
most noble and exciting game of skill
that man has yet devised?
"The manager shrugged lı
sadly.
“Don't they know that gambling is
legal?” said Joe. "Can't they read the
signs?"
With an unerring finger, he pointed at
the GAMBLING Is STRICTLY PROHIBITED.
signs that dotted the grandstand.
shall have to tell the commissioner,
of course,” said the skipper, "which will
п indefinite—and perhaps permi-
nent—postponement of the final game of
the series and another black eye for
baseball.”
Joc mused for a мі
finally said, “is there
Giants left at all
‘No one, save you, said Mac
Crae. Then an afterthought: “And Pop
Gallagher, our grizzled, veteran. utility
catcher.”
“This series means a lot to you,
doesn't it?” said Joe, putting his arm
around the shoulder of his crusty but
kindly manager.
1 shall be candid with you, Joe.” said
MacCrae, his voice cracking with emo-
tion, “it has always been my fondest
dream to lead my team to twelve consecu
tive worldseries triumphs. But пою... .
He turned his head from Joe, not
self to speak anymore.
" said Joe, his mouth a hard,
“1 should like to make a
shoulders
le. "Skipper," he
no one of the
humble sugges
As Joc began to talk to his manager,
a new light of hope suddenly twinkled
in the sad eyes of John MacCrae.
The Polo Grounds, the most may
cent structure ever erected for the game
of baseball, with provocative horseshoe
shape and awesome slanting walls, rocked
with the cheers of 55,000 roaring fans as
the game was about to get under way.
“Oh, you
“Skin those Bronx birds alive!”
‘Show those Yankee dubs where we
Буе!"
Those American Leaguers are a piece
of checse
“They've got to produce and they
can't stand the gal?"
(continued on page 182)
BLONDE PREFERS GENTLEMAN
SPORTING FURLIKE ORLON PILE
DUSTER-LENGTH FITTED COAT
WITH MINK COLLAR, BY
STANLEY BLACKER, $350,
AND WIDE-BRIMMED FELT
HAT. BY ROSSETT, $10.
“PLAYBOY S FALL G WINTER FASHION FORECAST
IE DEFINITIVE STATEMENT ON THE COMING TRENDS IN MENSWEAR AND ACCESSORIES
ROBERT L. GREEN rou» сикыр penned “When a man is once in fashion, all he does is right”
The same can be said today, provided the style-wise urban male does his buyin
Feally in fashion and not just passing fads. In order to help you separate the sartorial wheat
ned с] now on the market, we've devoted this and the following pages to a ety of Logs—
fauvely au courant, others of which are more adventurous. All, however, are impor
‘Only Will produce à maximum fashion impact during the next six months but wi
direction menswear will take for several seasons to come. For openers, we foresce that
with an сус
PHOTOGRAPHY KY PETE TURNER
FAR LEFT: CHAP DIGS
LEATHERLIKE VARNISHED-
VINYL DOUBLE-BREASTED
TRENCH COAT, BY
ALLIGATOR, $65. LEFT:
STYLISHLY SHADED GUY
IN RAY BAN GLASSES,
BY BAUSCH & LOMB, $15,
HAS ON WOOL TWEED
SIX-BUTTON DOUBLE-BREASTED
BELTED SUIT, BY PIERRE
CARDIN—NEW YORK, $235,
COTTON BROADCLOTH SHIRT,
BY PIERRE CARDIN FOR
EAGLE, $16, RIBBED SILK
TIE, BY BILL MILLER FOR
THE VILLAGE SQUIRE, $7.50,
AND PATENT-LEATHER BELT,
BY PIERRE CARDIN FOR
CANTERBURY, $12.
\ AN
»
pointed collar that's crisp and slightly formal looking, and a 44
inch-wide tie. Then top off the outfit with a neat
а wide-brimmed and high crowned black felt chapeau
shown on page 145. And, if your footwear supply is
step. demonstrate your shoemanship by checking out the latest in awo-
tone bals and bluchers or pulling on your choice of boots: various heights
e available. (rom ankle to mid-calf, while leather wrens range
high-polished to rough-and-ready unfinished.
s we sce it, the colors of this fall's sl;
OUR MAN WEARS А
WOOL MELTON BELTED
GENDARME'S COAT WITH
ZIP FRONT, LARGE COLLAR,
PATCH BREAST POCKETS
AND DEEP CENTER VENT,
BY PHILIPPE VENET, $325.
TURNABOUT IS FAIR FASHION PLAY
FOR FELLOW IN WOOL WORSTED
HERRINGBONE EIGHT-BUTTON
DOUBLE-BREASTED OVERCOAT
WITH LEATHER BUTTONS, HALF
BELT AND INVERTED CENTER PLEAT,
BY MALCOLM KENNETH, $225.
BELTED LAD
COMES ON IN.
A WOOL-FLANNEL
SPORT SUIT, BY
ERIC JOY FOR
HART SCHAFFNER
& MARX, $125,
AND SHETLAND-WOOL.
TURTLENECK, BY
HIMALAYA, $20.
TWO AVANT-TOGGED
TRAIL BLAZERS OPT FOR (LEFT)
WOOL MELTON EVENING CAPE,
WORN WITH VELVET VEST, MATCHING SLACKS AND
RUFFLED SILK SHIRT, BY ANTONIO CERRUTI, $334;
AND (RIGHT) WOOL JERSEY SHIRT "SUIT"
WITH PULLOVER TOP, MATCHING SLACKS
AND EMBROIDERED VEST, BY VALENTINO
FOR ALEXANDER'S, $100.
MAN ABOUT TOWN IS
ELEGANTLY AT EASE IN A
CHALK-STRIPED WORSTED
SUIT, BY PAUL WATTENBERG
FOR JOHN HAMPTON, $135,
COTTON DRESS SHIRT WITH
SATIN STRIPES, BY LANVIN
FOR HATHAWAY, $18, AND.
SILK TIE, BY OLEG CASSINI
FOR BURMA-BIBAS, $8.50.
GENT LEANS TOWARD A BOLD-
PLAID BRITISH WOOL TWO-
BUTTON SUIT WITH FLAP
POCKETS AND DEEP CENTER
VENT, $175, WORN WITH
MINICHECK COTTON BROAD-
CLOTH SHIRT, $22.50,
BOTH BY BILL BLASS FOR
PBM, AND SILK ТЕ,
BY LIBERTY OF LONDON, $10.
Jump suits, tunic suits, pullover suits and
еуте all designed 10 be worn on occasi
like tryi (ДЕЕ new.
PLAYBOY
154
РОТ: ARATIONAL APPROACH
law—a section that requires the suspect
to pay a tax оп the drug, thus incrimi-
n ig himself, in violation of the Fifth
Amendment: and a section that assumes
(rather than requiring proof) that a
person with forcig
ions of t
n jurisprudence, n
remaining parts of the law are
bound to fall when challenged before the
Supreme Court. These forthcoming de
cisions will, inevitably, affect. the anti-
marij Jaws of the individual states as
well. However, the striking down of the
old laws does not guarantee that the new
ones will be more enlightened; it merely
invites more carefully drawn statutes that
re less vulnerable to judicial review. In
act, in а message to Congress, President
ixon specifically demanded harsher pen-
allies Гог marijuana convictions. But every
ane and fair-minded person must be
seriously concerned that the new laws are
more jus and more in harmony with
known fact than the old ones In my
opinion, such new laws must treat mari
juana no more harshly than alcohol
presently created.
It is ironic that our present. pot laws
are upheld chiefly by the older genera-
tion, and flouted and condemned by the
young; for it is the senior generation that
should understand the issue most clearly,
having lived ноор the cra. of
prohibition. ‘They saw with th
eyes that the entire nation—not just the
drinkers and the sellers of liquor—suf
fered violen d mental harm
med
nt puritanism. They should
member that attempts to leg.
islate morality result only in widespread
disrespect for law, new markets and new
ngsters, increased violence
and such wholesale bribery and corrup-
tion that the Goyernment itself becomes
ег object of contempt than the
al class. Above all, they should
be able ro sec the parallel between th
lawless Twenties and the anarchic Six-
с that both were produced
by bad laws—laws that had no right to
the first place.
" it has been said, "is the
An open tyran-
and ihe issues
tion, e a kind of
cultural nihilism in which good and evil
become hopelesly confused and the reb
тысай of formulating, a single pre-
е program, takes a perverse delight in
anything and everything that will shock,
startle, perplex. anger, baffle and offend
the establishment. Thus it was during
alcohol prohibition and thus it is under
marijuana prohibition. The parallel is
not obvious only because there were
already millions of whiskey drinkers when
(continued from page 131)
law in 1919,
leading to te flouting of “law and
order” by vast hordes—whereas the use
of marijuana did not become extensive
until the early 1950s, more than 13 years
after the Government banned pot in
1937. But the results, despite the delay,
are the same: We have bred a genera
tion of psychol rebels,
Banning marijuana not only perpetu-
ates the rebelliousness of the young but
so establishes a frightening precedent,
under which puritanical bias is more im-
п experimen
t—something every
must dread. Dr. Philip Handler
board chairman of the National Science
Foundation, bluntly told a House sub
committee: g drug laws, "lt
- .. mater than
say we should not smoke
that
mari juan
Consider the most recent study of the
effects of marijuana, conducted. under
careful laboratory conditions and reported
in Science. This is the research performed
by Drs. Norman E. Zinberg and Andrew
T. Weil at Boston University in 1968.
This study was “doubleblind”; that is,
neither the subjects nor the research
knew, during a given session, whether the
product being smoked was real marijuana
(from the female Cannabis plant) or an
inactive placebo (from the male Cannabis
plaut). Thus, bodi suggexibility by
subjects and bias by the experimenters
were kept to the scientific minimum. The
results were:
1. Marijuan:
crease in hearibe
the eyes
cllects. Сопи
users and policemen, pot does not di
the pupils—this myth apparently de
rives from the tradition of smoking Can-
п a darkened room; it is the
arkness that dilates the pupils.
2. Pot does not alfea the blood-sugar
level, as alcohol does, nor cause abnor-
mal reactions of the involuntary mus
cles, as LSD often does, nor produce a
effects likely to be son
о other. physical
ary to the belief of both
nabi;
cance of chi Y
ical effeas is twofold, First, it demon-
strates once again the uniqueness of
hemp among psychoactive drugs, most of
which strongly affect the body as well as
the mind. .. . Second, it makes it un-
kely that marijuana has any seriously
пема! effects in either
short-term or long-term usage.”
З. As sociologist Howard Becker point-
ed out long ago, on the basis of inter
views with users, the marijuana "high"
is a learned experience. Subjects who had
never had Cannabis before simply did not
get a “buzz” and reported very minimal
subjective reactions, even while physically
"loaded" with very high doses, while ex-
perienced users were easily turned on.
4. The hypothesis about “set and set
ting" strongly influencing drug reactions
was confirmet. The pharmacological prop-
erties of a psychoactive drug are only one
factor in a subject's response: equally
important—perhaps more important—are
the set (his expectations and. personality
туре) and the setting (the total emotional
iod of the environment and persons
1 it).
5. Both inexperienced subjects and
longtime users did equally well on some
testy lor concentration. and mental. ма
ity, even while they were on very
h doses. On testy requiring a higher
lity to focus attention, the inexperi
is did show some temporary
but the vete
at all, In short, expe
not have even а lem porary lower
the intelligence while they are hup]
much les à. permanent. menal imp
ment
в. On the experienced
users scored even higher while stoned
some tests,
than they did when tested without any
drug.
7. Not only akohol but even tobacco
as more adverse effects on the body
iban marijuana does.
As Zinberg and Weil
cally in a later article in The New Yor
Times Magazine, there is a vi
operating in relation to maij
ministrators ol scientific
ment i i
stitutions feel that n
dangerous. Because it is dangerous, thev
re reluctant. to allow [research] to be
done ou it. Because no work is done,
people continue to think of nger
ous. We hope that our own study has
significantly weakened dis wend.”
One slight sign that the wend n
have been weakened was the appearance
last June of a study by the Bureau of
Motor Vehicles in the state of Washing
ton concerning. the effects of Can
on driving ability. Using driving attic
simulators, not only did the study find
that marijuana has less a
driving ability than alcohol
nvestipators have long stypected-
ako, as in the Boston stud
dence indicated Ш
effect is on inexperienced users. Veter
potheads behave behind the wheel as if
they were not drugged at all
In short, we seem to have а drug here
that makes many users very euphoric and
пош. doing any of the
Icohol, narcotics, bar:
biturates, amphetamines or even tobacco.
But we didn’t have to wait until 1968
to learn that pot is relatively harmless
Some research has been done in the past.
spite of the vicious dıde mentioned
by Zinberg and Weil. As far back as
(continued on page 216)
as €
which
but
the evi
imental
1 the only der
happy—hi
damage done by
156
TWO YEARS AGO, as it became apparent
that the distinctions among contempo.
y musical idioms were dissolving, we
expanded our jazz poll to recognize the
achievements of rock/pop musicians. In
an era of constant change, it should come
as no surprise that this year's poll con
tains other innovations: the introduc
tion of se egories for two electric
uument—orpan and vibes—plus
wholly new category for the songw
and composers who have helped make
this year's sound scene the good one it is
To vore in the 1970 Playboy Jazz &
Pop Poll, all you have to do is read the
mple instructions below, check off your
avorite artists and fill in your choices
for The Playboy Jazz & Pop Hall of Fame
and for Playboy's Records of the Year,
where indicated, and make sure you for
ward the ballot to us. Your vote wil help
choose the artists who will make up the
1970 AllStar Band and who will receive
the coveted Playboy Medal. Results of
Playboy Jazz &
our February
our fourteenth annu:
Pop Poll will appear in
1070 issu
1. Your official ballot is on the foldout
facing this page. A Nominating Board
composed of music editors, critics, repre-
sentatives of the major recording comp
nics and winners of last year’s poll has
selected the artists it considers to be the
most outstanding and/or popular of the
year. These nominations for the Playboy
AllStar Band should serve solely as an
aid to your recollection of artists and
performances, not as a guide on how to
vote. You may vore Гог any living artist.
2. The агі have been divided into
categories 10 form the Playboy All-Star
Band; so in some cutegories, you are asked
10 vote for more than one musician (four
trumpets, four trombones, two alto saxes,
two tenor saxes), because a big band
normally has more than one of these
instruments playing in it. Be sure to.
the correct
nated on the ballot, because too n
votes in any category will disquality
of your votes in that category.
j. If you wish to vote for an artist
who has been nominated, simply pl
а check the box before his name
on the ballot: if you wish to vore for an
artist who has not been nominated, write
his name on one of the lines provided at
the bottom of the category and place a
check mark in the box before it
4. For leader of the 1970 Playboy All-
Star Band, limit your choice to the men
who have led a big band (eight or more
musicians) during the past 12 months;
for instrumental combo, limit your choice
to groups of seven or fewer musicians
5. Please print your name and address
in the space at the bottom of the last
page of the ballot. You may cast only
one complete ballot in the poll, and that
must carry your name and address. The
bona fides of each ballot shall be deter-
mined hy pLayRoy
6. Any instrumentalist or vocalist, liv
ing or dead, is eligible for the Jazz & Pop
Hall of Fame, except those previously
elected: Herb Alpert, Louis Arm
John Coltrane, Miles Davis, Duke Elli
ton, Ella Fitzgerald, Benny Goodm:
Wes Montgomery and Frank Sinatra, The
top three choices will be installed in
PLAYHOY's music pantheon.
7. Cut your ballot along the dotted
line and mail it promptly to PLAYBOY
JAZZ & POP POLL, Playboy Building,
919 N. Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Ii-
nois 606H.— Your. ballot-mast be post
marked before midnight, October 15.
1969, so mail it in today
NOMINATING BOARD: Cannonball Adderley, Herb Alpert, Louis Armstrong, Bob Brookmeyer, Ray Brown, Dave Brubeck, Billy Davis
[representing The Fifth Dimension), Miles Davis, Buddy DeFranco, Paul Desmond, Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald, Pete Fountain, Aretha Fronk-
lin, Stan Getz, Dizzy Gillespie, Jim Hall, Jimi Hendrix, Al Hirt, Milt Jackson, J. J. Johnsan, Henry Mancini, Poul McCartney [representing
the Beatles], Charles Mingus, Gerry Mulligan, Oscar Peterson, Boots Randolph, Buddy Rich, Ravi Shankar, Frank Sinatra, Kai Winding,
Si Zentner; George Avakian, independent record producer; Nat Hentoff, jazz critic; Dan Morgenstern, editor, Down Beal; George Т.
Simon, jazz commentator; Creed Taylor, independent record producer; John A. Tynan, music-news editor, KABC Rodio; George T. Wein,
president, Newport Jazz Festival; Michael Zwerin, jazz critic; Willicm F. Szymczyk, ABC Records; Мези Ertegun, Atlantic; Dovid
Axelrod, Copitol; Teo Macero, Columbia; Lester Koenig, Contemporary; Milt Gabler, Decco; Richard Bock, Liberty; John Driscoll Ill,
Magnum; Berry Gordy, Jr., Motown; Don Schlitten, Prestige; Brad McCuen, RCA; Richard Perry, Reprise; Jim Stewart, Stax; Donald B. Dick
stein, 20th Century-Fox; Martin Hoffman, Liberty/United Artists; Stan Cornyn, Warner Bros.-Seven Arls; Bernard Stollman, ESP-Disk, Ltd.
ILLUSTRATION BY TOM DALY
2) Ше ie
callyo/ Ae
especially treasured
as an appetizer,
this epicurean
delight is
rewardingly rich
in taste, texture
and variety
food By THOMAS MARIO
15 лик REALM of pales, a man's maison
is his castle. The very phrase jute
maison on a restaurant bill of fare is
the chef's way of serving notice that
while his fillet of sole à la Richelieu
would undoubtedly have titillated the
sardonic cardinal himself and that if
Nellie Melba were still around, she
would he the first ro applaud his peach
Melba, his pité maison is his individ
ual pursuit of perfection. That the chef
used his freshest liver, his lightest veal,
his firmest shallots and his mellowest
cognac must be taken for granted. But
the choicest edient im any fresh
pa in so many dishes—is the pite
maker's nation; he'll jump at the
opportunity to substitute pheasant for
duck. eel for shrimp or rum for brandy.
One of the principal delights of
pûtê is the almost infinite number of
guises it can assume. Pülés may be as
uncomplicated as а spoon of foie gras
on a denue leaf or as elaborate as а
loal paté with truffies, studded with
tongue and ham. Many pátés take an
extravagant amount of time, but we
know of no other achievement that
leaves cels—amateur and profesional
with such a sense of accomplishment
Normally, one. thinks of this beau
ideal of a dish as the first leg of a
dinner celebration. As a menu starter
a platter of cold sliced pûtê is as pres
tigious as caviar amd, in a way, more
unforgettable, because it bears one's
y signature
rather than a
own culin
female sturgeon's. But it also may fill
a vast net of other uses. Our-of town
guests arriving after a long swing on
the umpike or your own crowd piling
in after a football game, hungry and
facing the gap between their
and the dinner gong, can alw
rrival
be 163
PHOTOGRAPH BY ALEXAS URBA
ifully placated with a slice or two
of homemade pate on buttered black
bread. At any party, а sectional
hors d'ocuvre tray filled with delicacies
jars ог packages may be
npressive; but if the host provides his
own йе, this personal resource infuses
new life
routine. dr session. Pütes are ре
fect for noontime enjoyment. Garnished
h water cress, sliced tomatoes and a
ind of mushroom salad, and served
with chunks of crisp French flutes or
hard rolls and bu they need only a
bottle of chilled white wine for complete
pleasure. Pátés
ke as gilts. For supper.
night or later, a cold pûlê will invariably
have guests besieging vou for the recipe.
The perfect pile is literally and figu
tively the fac of the land. Fresh pork,
pork fat, salt pork an bacon are front
d center in the fate line-up. The art is
in combining these viands with other
meats, as well as with poultry or seafood,
so that. the ed dish will be perfec-
tion without the slightest hint of gr
A hould leave with you
the French call quintessence Фатбте
el de saveur.
To achieve а теі іп your-mouth
smoothness, the pité meat is ground not
merely once but three times, using the
finest blade of the meat grinder, or is
pounded in a mortar to the smoothest
posible paste. Any good butcher will
grind meat to your specifications; and, if
you've ordered a duck to be boned for a
pitê, hell be able to do the job compe-
tently and quickly. Some рес are a
combination of ground meat and strips
of solid meat. so thar the cold pate.
when revealy a marqueuy of
ground and whole meat. Although pités
may bc cart
sh:
tion in their application is the sage ap-
proach. Pepper should be apparent but
not Ымам. If you're experimenting
with a new pite re and you're not
sure of the seasonings, you cin check the
final result. beforehand by remov
tablespoon of the raw ground
and dropping it into llow p
boil water.
minutes; chill it,
sary c
If you're prey
that's baked in the oven,
swell in the c т not unlike
s where the comparison ends)
1 it into a compact, symmetrical
easy as possible to.
slice, the loaf usually, though not always,
is weighted down while it’s cooling
the refrigerator. To do this, simply place
a layer of aluminum foil directly on the
pilê and over the foil p heavy
weight; one or two large cans of food do
the job nicely. When removing a cold
164 loaf pûlê from the pan. first run a knife
ito wl
»
е
а
b Гот bottles,
L3
a
Lj
sliced,
Let it poach for a few
laste it and make neces-
rections.
€ a
long the inside of the pan. To ease the
loaf out, it may be necessary to insert а
dull knife or a spatula on one side of the
рап. When the páté is removed, scrape
ay all excess fat or meat gelatin. For
serving, place the pitê bouom side up
on a platter or а cutting board: slice
with а razorsharp knife, dipping it into
hot water, if necessary, so that it slices
easily and cleanly. If а baked pûlê is to
be stored for any length of time, pour
melted lard or shortening over it, cover-
ad top. As the shortening
the refrigerator, it will become
and keep the pité cozily sealed.
st other aromas of the refrigerator.,
Commercial pritë тз over the years
have built up their own undisciplined
antics, and these should be clarified —
especially for men who buy ready-made
pütés for their table. Among fresh. pvités,
the best known is the one baked in loaf
form. called. páté maison. 1t may also be
called páté en terrine (the pottery dish
which is baked) or terrine du chej.
There is also the páté en croûte, en
Closed in rich but firm pastry crust
and baked in a special mold. It's a show
olf job, and the aust is fine if
the day after it’s baked. But beya
bid freshness adicu. И you're shopping for
anned pátés or pütés in jars, the maze
of words can become quite wild at times.
The following miniglossary should help:
Pate: а seasoned ground mixture
‘of meat, poultry, fish or shellfish, may
be any spread, from а йё of smoked
brook trout to a pûlê of grouse.
Páté de foie: a páté of liver; to
find the kind of liver, scan the fine
print on the list of ingredients.
Páté de foie d'oi: a mixture of at
least 50 percent goose liver and 50
percent other meats and seasonings.
Риё de joie gras: also called bloc,
mousse, purée ov roulade de foie
gros; a mixture of at least 75 percent
goose liver amd 25 percent other
meats and seasonings,
including wuflles.
Foie gras: the cooked seasoned
oversize liver of a force-fed goose;
since it’s not ground, technically it's
not a pûlê, but its rich smoothness
makes it the apogee of grand livin
it ust contains сие: if
doesn’t, it may be called foie gras
naturel.
sometimes
Liver арре
because of
in so many páté recipes
s sumptuously rich flavor:
pitê partisans all understand why phi-
losophers such Plato considered it the
home of the soul itself. Over the cemu-
ries, not only philosophers but pun men
have soared to various heights on the
subject of liver. The best-known pun was
favorite: “Is life worth
? It depends оп the liver."
Your pate should be ready to be served
with the first of champagne. The
champagne should be brut but mot so
brutishly dry that the rich savor of the
grapes seems to have vanished. Any of
the following recipes intended—
should make you the life of the pate
FOIE GRAS AND GRAP
(Serves six)
v ASPIG
G ozs. foie gras or pate de foie gras
114 cups cold dear consommé or chick
en broth
1 tablespoon plain gelatin
14 cup madeira or amontillado
1 teaspoon cognac
1 cup seedless grapes
Soften gelatin in 14
sommé. Bring ba
cup cold con
ance of consommé to a
boil: remove from fire and stir in sof
tened gelatin until dissolved. Add ma-
deira and cognac. Pour 14 in. consommé
into G individual aspic molds or glass
custard cups, Place in refrigerator until
jelled. Place a slice of foie gras in each
mold; divide grapes among the 6 molds
and pour balance of consommé over
grapes. Chill in refrigerator jelled.
When ready to serve, dip each mold into
hot water for a few seconds. Unmold
each portion onto a leal or two of Bos
ton lettuce.
PLAYBOY PATE WITH HAM AND TONGUE
(Serves 10 to 12)
1% Ibs. boneless pork loi
y2 Ib. boneless veal shoulder
б Ib. fresh pork lat (not salt pork or
fat back)
y4 cup onion, minced extremely fine
1 tablespoon garlic, minced extremely
fine
3 tablespoons butter
1 cup bread cru
14 cup dry white wine
1 oz. bourbon
сол. can truffles, chopped extremely
finc
3 eggs, slightly beaten
1 tablespoon flour
? tea
powdered sage
teaspoon ground coriander
V Ib. sliced bacon
1 Ib.
in one piece
I Ib. ham steak, 14 in. thick
Put pork loin. veal and
through meat grinder three times, using
finest blade, Sauté onion and garlic in
butter just until oni yellow, nor
brown. Combine bread crumbs, wine
nd bourbon, mixing well. In large mix
ng bowl, соті found meat
bread crumbs, truffles, eggs, flou
pepper. sage and con ; mix very
well. Preheat oven a -. Line bottom
and sides of 2-quart loaf pan with bacon
strips placed lengthwise im pan (there
should be no space between strips). Cut
(concluded on page 189)
oked smoked or corned tongue,
pork fat
EXPERTS AND EXPERTISE
a presidents decisions, the policies he forges and his place in the judgments of history depend not
on the electorate or its chosen leaders but on his own selection of advisors on whose counsel he relies
By ELIOT JANEWAY
HIS WHOLE
article
jon, which is never
will be a lot less dificult if you can
sure ош a way to run it without the
help of expert advice—something I have
never been able to do
Lyndon Johnson was within days of
finishing his term as President when he
voluntcered this advice to his successor
Bitter experience had qualified him to
testify as an expert on experts. For while
Johnson could thank his own native
shrewdness for his success in accumulat
ing power, he had good reason 10 blame
his failure to hold it o
crowd,” which was his ge
- Harvard
eric term for
any experts who had been trained north-
cast of Southwest Texas State Teachers
College.
Your job will be a damn sight eas-
ier,” he told the heir to his misfortune,
during their running dialog over the
impending changing of the guard, “if you
can get rid of, at the start, all of your
technicians, including Dave Kennedy.”
A wide range of experts had earned
Johnson's mistrust, but he felt a peculiar
resentment against the practitioners of
economic occultism, as he showed when
he singled out the Secretary ofthe’ Treas
ury-designate for special mention among
all the experts to whose expertise he
attributed his fall. For one thing, the
awe in which Johnson held money, and
the insecurity arded
with which he re
intellectuals, led him. the
opinions of bank chairmen with the rec-
ommendations of economic
to confuse
advisors.
пег Heller, Johnson's holdover
п of the Council of
Economic
Advisors, resigned in order to "go pri
vate" and make some money, Johnson
made а man-bites-dog joke. "Му econom.
ic advisor needs an economic advisor," he
1. So it se
med natural for Johnson to
lump bank chairman Kennedy together
with the economists. But the irony of
Johnson's mention of Kennedy
meant to convey a cabalistic warning
to his successor For, as the incoming
President well knew, Johnson had been
on the verge of asking the select dub
of major page 232)
(continued on
OH! CALCUTTA!
off-broadway's nudest romp unabashedly satirizes—and celebrates —contemporary sexual mores, hang-ups and diversions
pictorial ESSay By BRUCE WILLIAMSON TAKING one’s CLOTHES OFF in public, or having emphatic opin
ions about people who do, may not ultimately save the American theater, but it has worked wonders for the cocktail
party, an even shakier institution that depends for survival on periodic infusions of hip blood to stimulate conversa.
tion. Beyond question, topic A for the year thus far is Oh! Calcutta! (reviewed in pLaynoy last month), the nude
revel that was anathema to шапу New York critics, a few of whom sounded sufficiently exercised to man the off
Broadway barricades and drive the public away with clubs. They may have to yet, from the look of things. While
selling out at а top ticket price of $25, unprecedented even on Broadway, Calcutía! is the only show in town that has
customers piling into frontrow-center seats armed, by God, with opera glasses. They are turning on or off as part of
an amusing and perhaps historic sociosexual experiment devised by England's influential critic (and pLavnoy C
tributing Fditor) Kenneth Tynan, who at this writing is in Italy licking his wounds--into book form, 1 suspect—
and leaving the show to succeed on its own terms and on terms delightful 10 the show's backers,
Like it or not, celebrities flock from all over the world to ogle Tynan’s sometimes kinky, sometimes beautiful
abor of love, then rush away to record their impressions in all media—to gossip columnists and the panting hosts of
television talk shows or in the bulging letters columns of the Sunda Jew York Times. Producer Hillard ins, а
shrewd entrepreneur who used to be Steve McQueen's agent and was heretofore best known as the producer of
Golden Boy, calls the show kind of sexual Rorschach te: Nowadays, Elkins’ graying sideburns frame the Mach
iavellian smile of a man who stands to reap substantial profit from the death of a stageful of taboos; and he will leap
to his leet to quote a negative review, well aware that anything short of nuclear war or an outbreak of bubonic plague
will have no effect whatever on those long, brighteyed lines at the box office,
There's no such thing as an objective response to the show, but its definitely not for uptight people,” Elkins
tells a visitor, adding without comment that Ed Sullivan and Peter Lind Hayes walked out on his smash һи. So did
director Joshua Logan, and Logan also threw away the phone number of one of Calcutia!’s five nude actresses, Boni
Enten, whom he had been considering for a new play. In what must be the ultimate gesture of critical scorn, first
stringer John Chapman of the New York Daily News refused to review the show, which he privately refers to as
Jingle Balls. According to Chapman, Tynan is a literary pimp and the contributing writers a pack of whores—
illustrious whores at that, the list ranging from Samuel Beckett to Jules Feiffer to John Lennon, none specifically cred
ited in the playbill or program with the sketch he wrote—perhaps because, in some cases, the writing consisted of
no more than a few lines, such as any normally horny genius might scribble down about his sexual fantasies.
Collecting reactions to OA! Calcutta! is pari of the game, of course, for—as Elkins suggests in his nod to
Rorschach—the comments often reveal more about the observer than about the action onstage. My personal fa
vorite is that of an anonymous lady who referred to the hilarious, quite-innocent (text continued on page 24
Oh! Calcutta!, a 15-scene sexual pastiche, opens with Taking Off the Robe (opposite, top), in which the costs ten members introduce them
selves by performing improvised stripteases, while their photos are flashed on a back-lit cyclorama. Opposite, bottom: Alan Rachins takes his
favorite fantesy equipment to bed with Nancy Tribush in Jules Feiffer’s Dick and Jone, a fable af fetishism. In David Newman ond Robert
Benton’s Will Answer АЙ Sincere Replies (cbove), Margo Soppington, as an experienced participant in games spouse swappers play, hos
inadvertently exhausted her novice partner; she rushes to form a couch à trois with her husband, as he i
is wife has been co-opted for an impromptu orgy.
iales a sporting newlywed
Moments later, the prematurely spent swap neophyte (Leon Russom) returns to see
167
In Jack end Jill (above), Leonard Melfi's cutting poroble on seduction, George Welbes os Jock regales ond then ravishes his naive partner
(Boni Enten). Victorion morolity is skewered in Shermon Yellen's Delicious Indionities (below), when a degenerate gentleman (Mark Dempsey),
after binding up Kotie Drew-Wilkinson, monoges to get himself tropped in a trick choir, then hos to listen frustratedly os Kotie graphicolly
describes numerous post assaults. Contemporory sex reseorch is spoofed in Don Greenburg's Wes It Good for You Too? (opposite, top)
After a lab ossistont checks out response-recordina devices, volunteers Raina Barrett and Alan Rochins eacerly begin their labor of love,
only 1o be interrupted by highly nonobjective observers. Next, the entire ensemble celebrates romonce in o nude dance, Much Too Soon.
One of the show's memorable sequences is One on One (above), o beautiful роз de deux performed by George Welbes ond Margo Sap-
ington. Who: Whom (below), Kenneth Tynan's sadomosechistic satiric view of individual liberty, finds lecturer Mark Dempsey wryly contrast-
ing on authoritorian society's unwilling пене coptive (Katie Drew-Wilkinson) with o democrocy's docile victim (Nancy Tribush) who endures
her torment by choice. In Four in Hand, bosed on an idea by John Lennon, the single-minded members of o masturbation society (opposite,
top) tune themselves in to o projection machine thot screens their most fitillating fantasies. The rousing finole of Oh! Calcutta! (opposite,
bottom) is a free-form donce ond improvised octing out of what the cast thinks cudience reactions have been to that particular pertormance.
PHOTOGRAPHY BY JERRY YULSMAN
PLAYBOY
“We seem to be getting much-belter-adjusted schoolteachers nowadays."
of birds und snares from “Les Cent Nouvelles Nouvelles"
DOZENS OF HAWKS, hounds, servitors, attendants, men-at-arms,
a stable full of fine horses and a kitchen full of ma
chevalier Richard, who was one of the richest men in Bur
gundy, kept all of these in his chateau. In addition, for his
soul's sake, he employed a chaplain and, for other reasons, he
kept a charming, dark-eyed girl as his mistress. The presence
of Mademoiselle Hélène was at odds with custom in Burgundy
and, thus, somewhat shocking to the countryside; but both the
chevalier and the lady had сеп a good deal of the world and
it pleased them to dumfound the rural gentry. She, in fact, was
sharper than the mustard that comes from Dijon.
It might almost have been foreseen that the nearness of this
comely wench would put a terrible strain on the vows of the
chaplain, who was a healthy,
full-blooded man. Whenever he
saw her, he felt а swelling in
his heart and another great
swelling somewhat south of his
heart, and he could not re-
strain himself from pretty
speeches, compliments and a
certain frolicking with the lady
when he had the chance. All
this Hélène considered rather
amusing; but she was a girl of
some values and she knew the
difference between love in a
richly furnished bedroom and
love in a haystack, and so, of
course, she mentioned the chap-
ain's advances to the chevalier.
Thus, the knight took occa-
sion to warn the young chap-
“I suppose that you know
the severe penalties for poach-
ing?” he said. “I reserve all the
rights of hunting on my own
demesne, both outdoors and in-
doors, and any intruder may
go away earless or worse.”
"In faith, my lord," said the
chaplain, "I never had any such
thought. Never in my life
would I think of such a thing!”
For all of a fortnight, he
kept his word, but then he be
gan to have a lapse of memory
а visi
n of roundness, silky
skin and dark hair was driving
him out of his mind. And so,
whenever he met the girl alone,
he contrived to touch her, di
her close, whisper a half sen-
tence in her ear. She would
laugh and break free, leaving
just enough suggestion of pos-
sibility to bewitch and bewilder the chaplain. She knew every
move in this game, from knight’s gambit to checkmate, and
the poor man was no match for her.
At night, she would relate every detail of the dhaplain's
dumsy courtship to the chevalier, and both of them found the
stories highly amusing. They would laugh at each new attempt
to try the demoiselle’s virtue, and they thought of ingenious
new ways of confounding the poor suitor. Finally, to make the
joke even more piquant, the chevalier suggested a startling plan.
"You will invite him to your bed tomorrow night, explaining
that E have exhausted myself hunting and must fall asleep early.
Hint to him that you are ready to do whatever he pleases.”
ILLUSTRATION BY BRAO HOLLAND
Ribald Classic
Helene was perplexed. “And shall I do whatever he pleases?”
“With one exception,” said the chevalier. “Around your
body, I shall have placed a rather clever little invention of my
own, designed to give monsieur the chaplain a definite surprise.”
And so the asignation was secretly made. The poor chap-
lain was dizzy with joy and, about midnight, he went panting
to the girl's chamber, quite forgetful that he was putting him-
self in his lord's room, in his lord's bed and in his lord's favor-
ite resting place. He undressed in the dark and, in his folly,
plunged toward paradise.
Now, a veteran hunter knows every sort of snare, springe,
gin, tepan and fou-deloup there nd the chevalier had
arranged а very amning one just in the vital spot. When
the chaplain leaped to the bait,
the chevalier Richard, on the
other side of the bed, suddenly
pulled tight a net of laces that
was controlled by a stout draw
Cic. КОЛЕН ЕУ СИЗИН
chaplain howled in pain, as
erden parta were ceized Бу
the irap.
“Fires of hell!" he exdaimed.
“Ате you a woman or arc you
a portcullis?”
"Neither, Sir Ribald,” shout-
ed the knight, “but а snare for
a dirty bird that intrudes into
the wrong nest,” and he pulled
tighter. The chaplain leaped
around the room, raving and
to free himself.
las, nearly mad with
pain, he knelt at his lord's feet
and begged piteously to be
loosed. When the taut lesson
had been fully taught, the
chevalier let up on the draw.
string and spoke:
“Get out of this chamber,
sir, and never return. I shall
pardon you this time; but next
time, your punishment will be
truly painful.
“But it was she who put the
thought into my head,” said
the victim. “Never will I so
much as glance at her again.
‘The chevalier Richard and
the girl could scarcely contain
themselves until the man wa
gone, and they both broke inta
laughter. Then, over а borde of
wine, they enjoyed the whole
comedy again and again with a
good many witty remarks about
the dancing of the chaplain. "Then they went back to bed and
finished in all seriousness what had begun in jest
The end? Not quite. The chevalier Richard had underesti-
mated the deviousness of the girl's soul. The whole farce in her
chamber had aroused another piquant taste: and a few months
later, when the knight was away on some affairs, she went to the
downcast chaplain, took his hand, rubbed up against him and
whispered an invitation. And this time, there was no net or
drawstring to hinder the bird from snuggling into the nest. My
lords, when you set out to discourage poaching, remember that
dts ccs pa fin aif cosi ai ames i cs cen
— Retold by Charles Powel! ÈD
173
PLAYBOY
174
PSYCHOANALYSIS са from page 116)
cop-out—a way in which the therapist
side-steps real interaction? (Freud him-
self started putting his patients on the
couch because he couldn't bear being
stared at all day Jong.) How many vi:
а week is the essential minimum—five or
four? Or can you still call it analysis at
only three? Or two? Some even claim
they perform analysis once a week; others
regard this as an absurdity if not out-
right dishonesty.
How far may the analyst go in express-
ing his personal taste in the decor of the
office? Or does it really matter? How
soundproof need the office be? Is it im-
portant if the sound of voices, even some-
times of intelligible words, reaches the
waiting room; or is concentration on
soundproofing only an indication of a
hang-up on the analysts part? Dare an
orthodox Freudian practice without a
picture of Freud on the wall, the 24-
ion of Freud's works in evi-
dence, a few pieces of primitive art,
such as Freud collected, on display? More
usl alls silent, how
long should the analyst let him lie there
without saying anything? Letting him йо
so may be therapeutic (his discomfort
may produce a breakthrough), but when
the layman hears of a patient who spent
а whole hour with his analyst in to
silence, he may well think it quackery.
whole hour? Yet, in the profession,
it is well known that some analysts have
let patients lie mute for five hours, ten
hours and even more—and, of course,
charged them the usual $25 to $50 for
each of those 50-minute hours.
What is one to think of a therapy
whose practitioners consider the best
candidate (the patient most likely to
benefit from it) articulate, reasonably
successful—and relatively healthy to be
gin with? What is one to make of a
therapy that nowadays takes four or five
усиз to complete (though Freud ana
lyzed most of his own early patients in a
year or less) and costs roughly $20,000? A
psychology so pessimistic that it sees
every human being as sick and labels
even the seemingly normal person a
"normopath"? That suspects any swiftly
and dramatically successful analysis шау
be a “flight into health"—an abandon-
ment of illness out of fear of facing
unacceptable truths about oneself?
АП these contradictions and absurd
ties were bound to spell trouble for
psychoanalysis when its honeymoon with
American society was over. But even dur-
ing its golden years in the 1950s, several
other developments were getting under
way that offered simpler explanations as
10 the source of mental illness and prom-
ised quicker, easier methods of treating
it. One was the resurgence of vitality in
the organic approach. It was in the m
19505 tha izers burst on the
scene and began to revolutionize the
treatment of hospitalized psychotics and
to give symptomatic relief to anxious or
overwrought neurotics. The orpanicists
speculated that the drugs must inhibit
certain kinds of excessive chemical acti
ity within the brain cells and thereby
reduce the intensity of the harmful
thought processes; they began finding
tantalizing clues of chemical imbalance
їп the urine and blood of schizophrenics
and even of people with anxiety neuroses.
Later, they sought and found drugs with
n effect opposite to that of tranquilizers
—the psychic energizers or mood elevators
that alleviate depression. To those doctors
who had always been hostile to psycho-
analysis or disindined to accept its con
plex explanations of human behavior,
it seemed clear at last that psychoanalysis
was inefficient and unnecessary, that
faulty chemistry was the explanation of
mental illness and that corrective diem-
istry was its cure
Which is like saying that daily doses of
Insulin constitute a cure of diabetes.
Doctors still don't know how to cure
diabetes; they do know how to keep the
diabetic person alive. Similarly, psycho-
pharmacology—the use of drugs to help
the mentally ill—is no cure; it merely
helps the patient live more or less nor-
mally. Logically speaking, there is no
contradiction or conflict between psy-
choanalysis and. psychopharmacology: as
Dr Do director of research
and professional айай» for the National
ion for Mental Health, says:
It most probably takes both а bio-
logical substratum of weakness and
an experient < to trigger men-
tal illness. A person with faulty
chemistry doesn’t necessarily become
unless life experiences push
him too hard; and a person with
bad life experiences doesn’t necess:
ily become sick, unless his chemistry
isn’t able to handle the stress. We
need to know about both aspects of
mental illness and to deal with the
patient on both levels simult
ly. Unfortunately, the rivalry be-
tween the two approaches has alv
been so strong that even now, doc-
tors seem to feel they have to belong
to one camp or the other.
A second development has been the
re-emergence of behaviorism. This theory
of psychology had been advanced by
Ivan Pavlov, a Russitn, сапу in this
century and enthusiastically taken up by
some Americans the 1920s. As a
theory, it dealt entirely with observable
behavior, rather than with internal and
unseen mental processes; as a method of
research, it used only animals such as
rats, cats and the like. On both grounds,
it was thoroughly anti-analytic, Nonethe-
less, the behaviorists could produce symp-
toms in their animals diat resembled those
of neurosis in human beings. They could
train an animal to expect food after a
specific signal—a light, a bell, a symbol
оп a card—and then confuse him by giv-
ing him an electric shock instead; th
produced alarm, agitation and wild be-
havior in the animal when he saw or
heard the unreliable or bewildering signal.
But the experimenters could also "extin-
guish” the neurotic response by providi
only rewards in association with the signal
until the animal had been retrained and
restored to health.
АЙ this was thoroughly overshadowed
by Freudian psychology from the 1930s
g
until about a decade ago, after B. F.
Skinner of Harvard developed his teach-
ing machines and his ideas of “operant
conditioning”
and Joseph Wolpe, a
trist (now at Tem-
ple University in Philadelphia) worked
out techniques of behavior therapy appli-
cable to neurotic human beings.
Wolpe and other behavior therapists
start with a firm Pavlovian position: The
unseen is unimportant and perhaps non-
existent—what counts is what you can
actually observe and manipulate. A neu-
rosis is not evidence of an unconscious
conflict; it is nothing but a bad habit.
The frigid woman's disorder is only a
matter of faulty conditio he associ-
ates fear with the sexual act—and not the
result of an inner conflict. So don't a
lyze her: Just make her relax, feel com-
fortable. and then have her envision the
sex act (or some mild preliminary) until
it is firmly associated with her relaxed
te—until, indeed, like the retrained
laboratory animal, she connects the stim-
ulus with relaxation and pleasure. End
of problem. As for the drug addict, it's
even easier: Administer an electric shock
to him each time he thinks of taking
drugs, until the very thought of drugs
gives him the willies. Have the homo-
sexual think homosexual thoughts or
look at pictures of nude males, then
administer an emetic.
Does such simplistic therapy really
work? Wolpe and his colleagues report
extremely high cure rates and insist that
no substitute symptoms pop up—thereby
proving, in their minds, that there is no
hidden underlying conflict. Skeptics say
that there are many serious flaws in
Wolpe's evidence; they also point out
that every new psychotherapy introduced
in the past 40 years has shown a very
high cure rate at first, but not later. As
William Osler used to tell medical
students, the time to use a therapy is
when it's brand-new, because then—and
only then—it cures nearly everyone,
For now, behavior therapy seems not
only to work well in certain kinds of
cases but to have immense appeal by
virtue of its simplicity. Accordingly, a
growing cadre of psychiatrists and psy-
chologists is experimenting with it, advo-
cating it and claiming that it disproves
CONCISE GLOSSARY OF PSYCHOANALYTIC TERMS
ANAL CHARACTER: À pattern of character traits arising in individuals for whom the anal stage of psychosexual development
—marked primarily by the acquisition of voluntary sphincter control—has had exaggerated. significance. Orderliness, stub-
bornness and miserliness are features of this character; but when delenses against instinctual drives are weak, the personal
may be ambivalent, untidy, defiant and sadornascchistic.
DEFENSE MECHANISMS: Unconscious methods of preventing repressed wishes associated with some real or imagined threat from
ising into consciousness, often by denying or distorting some aspect of reality.
EGO: A group of functions in the psychic apparatus that includes operation of conscious thought processes, integration of the
personality, control of speech, regulation of drives and adaptation to reality and other people.
HYSTERIA: A neurosis chit
icterized by physical symptoms—such as pains, paralyses, tremors, deafness, blindness, vomiting—
that
ve no physical cause but were developed to relieve emotional tension caused by an inner conflict.
1 consists of
1% physiological needs, which are represented in the mind as instinctual drives.
їр: A part of the psychic apparatus that is totally unconscious, in touch with the body
individu
ising from the
INFANTILE SEXUALITY: The universal appearance of the sexual drive in the infant and you
pleasurable sensations accompanying the satisfaction of basic bodily needs, such as eati
a series of phases known as oral, anal and phallic.
ng child, which is gratified through
ig and excreting. It matures through
INSTINCTUAL DRIVES: The motivational forces in human behavior deriving from physical needs. This term has replaced
instinct in modern psychoanalytic usage because of disagreement among scientists over the meaning of the latter term.
: A quantitative measure of the energy of the sexual drive.
NEUROSIS: A condition characterized by mental conflicts that result in such symptoms as excessive anxiety, depression,
irritability. The conflicts take place between the sexual and aggressive drives and those forces of the ego that restrict expres-
sion of the drives. Growth and maturing of the personality is constricted, but the individual is able to function in so
OEDIPUS COMPLEX: A crucial point in the phallic phase of infantile sexuality during which the child desires, within the limits
of his knowledge and capacity, sexual union with the parent of the opposite sex and wishes for the death or disappearance
of the parent of the same sex. The child fears damage to his sexual organs i ation for these wishes, This usually occurs
between the ages of three and six and the resolution of this problem contributes to the development of the superego; prob-
lems arising in its resolution form the nucleus of some future neuroses.
ORAL CHARACTER: A pattern of character tr ising in individuals during the oral stage of psychosexual development, when
the process of nursing is of primary concern to the individual. Excessive indulgence or severe deprivation at this stage may
lead to the dominance in the character of inappropriate optimism or pessimism, greed, demandingness, undue generosity or
frugality, dependency, restlessness, impatience or excessive curiosity.
PARANOIA: A psychosis characterized by delusions of persecution and/or grandeur. The paranoid’s thought processes and ego
functions are usually well preserved and he is often able to defend his beliefs псе of logi
PHOBIA: A persistent, excessive fear of some particular object or situation that is without rational grounds.
PSYCHOSEXUAL DEVELOPMENT: ‘The regular series of stages through which the individual's sexuality matures between infancy and
adulthood. The oral, anal and phallic phascs culminate around the age of six with the development of the Ocdipus complex,
after wh phase of sexual latency until the onset of puberty. Psychosexual development resumes at puberty and
reaches a successful conclusion when the genital phase is attained.
PSYCHOSIS: A mental disorder marked by extreme regression of the cgo and the libido, often preventing the individual from
functioning as an acceptable member of society.
REGRESSION: A retreat to childlike levels of instinctual organiza
tion or modes of ego functioning.
REPRESSION: The exclusion of ideas or feelings that are undesirable or threatening from the conscious mind by a process of
which the individual is not directly aware. Repressed ideas and feelings remain active influences in the personality.
l, intellectual and behavioral disturbance stem-
ies of the individual's situation and is determined
SCHIZOPHRENIA: A group of psychotic
ming from a view of the world that is
by regressive functioning of the psychic
tions characterized by severe emotion
ently unrelated to the real
SUBLIMATION: Refining or diverting ап instinctual drive from its primitive goal to an
superego, allowing for use of the energy and partial satislaction of the dr
im more acceptable to the ego and
'e within the bounds of constructive activity.
SUPEREGO: A group of psychic functions that represent moral attitudes and behavioral standards imposed from without but
accepted by the individual as his own. The superego operates positively to set up ideals and values and negatively to impose
guilt feelings for breaches of the internalized codi
TRANSFERENCE: Displacement of feelings and attitudes originally having an import
dividuals in one's present relationships. When a neurotic patient displaces onto hi:
toward his parents or other cant childhood figures, this is called a
resolution is a key clement in the proces of psychoanalysis.
nt figure in childhood as their object to in-
analyst the feelings and attitudes he had.
nsference neurosis, and its development and
175
Freudian theory im toto. Wolpe often
writes as if he has shown all of psychoan-
alytic theory to be a monumental fraud,
leveled it to the ground and sowed salt
where it flourished; while Eysenck says
things like, "It has nothing to sty to us,
and there is nothing we can do for it
except ensure a decent burial.”
The third development has been an
evolution within psychoanalysis itself—
a shift of attention from the psychology
of the id (the primitive, instinctual, un-
conscious processes) to the psychology of
the ego (the adult, social, conscious sell).
Freud had originally seen the problems
of neurosis largely in terms of conflicts
buried in the unconscious and involving
primitive instincts. But in h
n to pay more attention to the
ego, the adult self that is rational, con-
nd controlled by the realities of
among other men.
Some of Freud's followers, spurred on
his interest and perhaps even more
influenced by the expanding fields of
anthropology and sociology and the
stresses of the Depression and the War,
began to examine the social and cultur
aspects of neurosis. By the 1950s, many
of the younger Freudians were paying as
much or more attention to ego psychol-
ogy as to id psychology. "Our critics still
accuse us of doing the same thing we
used to do in the Thirties,” says Dr.
Bernard РасеПа, a spokesman for the
American Psychoanalytic Associ
The fact is that there has been a signil-
nt shift in emphasis, among
from instinct analys
But by the time orthodox Freud
had come to this position, analytic hei
tics had long since reached it and gone
beyond it. Harry Stack Sullivan had
stressed "interpersonal" psychology 10
PLAYBOY
ach an extent that by 1943, he, Erich.
From
а Thompson had to
n institute of their own (the Wil-
Alanson White Institute), their
being too radical for the official
ution. Karen Horney, another re-
visionis, went even further in the cul-
ist direction, making very litle of
stinetive drives and inner conflicts; she
thrust into the non-Freudian cold
nd had to form an institute of her own
1 1941, which continues to this day to
produce Horneyan analysts.
ast decade or so, there has been
ion of schools of thought and
methods concerned with the
conscious adult self and the realities of
everyday living. William Classer advocates
his own brand, which he calls reality
therapy; Albert Ellis teaches and practices
his own brand, which he calls rational-
emotive therapy; Bertram Pollens and
others offer experiential thei Rollo
May and others do existential therapy. All
these, and a few dozen variants, concen-
trate on the practicalities of living among
other people, rather than the problems
176 of learning to be at peace within onesell.
In all of them, there is a shift away
from rebuilding the past, using the ther-
apis as а stand-in for parents, and
toward the present, experiencing the
therapist as a person in his own right. He
faces the patient, acts like himself, re-
WEAR ES Mea
t the patient is sty
to wh
np or doing.
He nods, smiles, cajoles, argues, frowns
—Pyes, disapproves! (isn't that reality,
isn’t that experiential and existent
Reality-oriented therapists—and
some Freudians—sometimes use touch
therapy, sometimes kiss or embrace a
patient as needed; a very few apply to
selected patients what is unofficially called
penis therapy; and a very few believe in
letting themselves fall asleep during the
sessions and then telling the patients
(heir dreams.
This emphasis on the interperso
and the real has also produced а tremen-
dous growth in the popularity of group
therapies in the past 15 years, A few
practitioners, such as Dr. Louis R. Or-
mont of New York, keep group therapy
genuinely analytic by dealing with the
dcep-lying and well-defended conflicts in
each patient; but most group therapists
are more concerned with stripping a
social pretense, revealing real feel
showing the patient how he
behaving and getting him to test new
ways of behaving in a social setting.
The further this gets [rom analysis, the
more it stresses doing and acting, rather
than talking and thinking, and the max
mizing of feeling, rather than the rep:
of neurosis, lt merges, finally, into the
Human Potential Movement, most of
whose enthusiasts think of themselves as
repudiating or discarding psychoanalysis
altogether. In place of that lonely and
often. downbeat procedure, th
ate in “joy therapy," encounter groups.
sensory awareness workshops, “peak ex
perience” seminars, W
body-touch-everybody groups, all-
off-our-dothes-and-say-OM! groupy—all of
them supposed to get you 10 see yourself
as others do, to show others how you feel
about them, to teach you to relate, to be
intimate, to be “authentic.” [See next
month’s PLAYHoY for а more detailed dis-
cussion of these and other Alternatives to
Psychoanalysis, by Ernest. Havemann—
even
Does all this really work better than
psychoanalysis? No one really knows.
For, no matter what the antianalysts
daim, and no matter what the analysts
daim, there are no reliable comparisons
of effectiveness, no contiolicd studies of
matched groups of neurotics, no before,
during and after studies in depth. In-
deed, there are no scientifically adequate
studies within any one type of therapy,
let alone comparative studies.
iot. proved effectiveness nor
k of it that accounts for the di-
hed status of psychoanalysis and
the current enthusiasm for the newer
therapies. There are more profound rea
sons for the shift. One of them is an
i y of people today to deal with
the society around them—a widespread
feeling of impotence and disconnected-
ness. And this, according to Dr. Ormont,
“results in a great interest in the ho:
not the why of behavior. and in the ac
isition of skills in dealing with people
п in exploring oneself.”
Is television involved? Has it been so
easy to push a button and have people
nd that young adults have never
ed how to build real rel nships?
15 it revulsion with our intellectual, tedi-
nological culture and the mess it has got.
us into that makes people turn.
intellectuality and thinking in general
and prefer feeling and doing? Either or
both may importantly contribute to the
need for the bought interaction and pur-
chased relationships of the Living The:
ter, drug parties, loveins, be-ins, campus
sitins, the disruption of classes and mcct-
ings by shouting and heckling: either or
both make an antiintellectual Yippie
leader preferable to an orderly, intellec-
tual, fatherly, Freudlike psychoanalyst.
Finally, there is а significa i
where people—especially young people
—put the blame for their troubles. A
generation or two ago, most people,
conscience-directed and individuali:
thought that they themselves were re-
sponsible for whatever had gone wrong
with their lives and looked within them-
selves for cause and cure. Today. most
d many who are not radical
, have decided that our mili-
ial society is responsible for
whatever problems they have and look
for dropout or political answers. No won-
der that many of these radicals, as Anna
Freud has observed, consider psycho
it, at worst a tool
of the controlling powers, designed to
get them to adjust and conform.
Is it tue, then, that psychoanaly
is dead, or at least im exiremis? That
is ranks are thinning, its practitioners
switc i
all but gone?
Not yet; not according to such statis-
tics as one can rely on. In the past five
years—the very period when psychoan;
ysis, especially the orthodox Freudian
brand, has been getting hard knocks
from all sides—membership in the Amer-
n Psychoanalytic Association has grown
20 percent; and, while there are no official
figures for the total number of analysts
outside that organization, the indications
re that they, too, have grown in number,
perhaps by even more than that amount
"The statement is often de, however,
that even if the total number of psy-
choanalysts is growing, it is doing so
iore slowly than the mental-health field
and thus, in effect, is suffering a relative
reduction. This, too, is false, judging by
the data in Psychiatric Services, Systems
eand my Winston
volar: vy
"cause my Winstons lasie go I
оха = likea cigarette ДОШ, roracco ravon :
м8
PLAYBOY
178
Analysis and Manpower Utilization, a
nationwide survey published by the
American Psychiatric Association. It
shows that between 1965 and 1968,
there was no decrease—indeed, there
was even a tiny increase—in the per-
centage of psychiatrists who аге psycho-
analysts (it now stands at ten percent).
Nor is it true, as often said nowad:
that analysts are leaving private pra
in droves and sceking shelter in clinics,
hospitals and universities; the study
shows only a two percent decline in pri-
vate practice over the three-year period.
What psychoanalysis has suffered is
something that cannot be precisely m
ured; a loss of status. On this scorc,
though there are no statistics, even dedi-
cated psychoanalysts аге more or less in
agreement with their enemies. Says Dr.
David Kairys, pres nt of the orthodox
Freudian New York Psychoanalytic Insti-
tute, “The data don't show a decline in
our numbers, but there's a distinct fecl-
in many quarters that we've lost
ige both in the medical community
mong the public.” Leo Rangell
speaks of the “emotional and intellectual
backlash" growing out of the publics
overexpectations of analysis and its sub-
sequent disenchantment. Donald Kenc-
fick says there is a “shift of conceptual
fascination to other forms of therapy.
Even those of us who still find. psycho-
analysis the most valuable existing system
of psychological thought feel about it
fecl about an old
love her in the depth
of your heart, but the joie de vivre, the
excitement, isn’t there any longer.”
Though this loss of prestige has not
Yes, Susie’s a great little gal Friday; but, then,
Betty is a good litile gal Monday, and Ruthi
yet been reflected in the s
well be in the near future, For one
thing, fewer psychiatric residents seem to
be hell-bent ori becoming analysts today
than used to be the case: There were 16
percent fewer applications for training
in the 20 institutes of the American
Psychoanalytic Association last year than
there were a decade ago: and the 1967—
1068 entering class (at all the institutes
combined) totaled a little less than it did
а decade ago, although, to keep pace with
the growth of psychiatry over that same
period, it should have been twice as
large. Dr. Раса explains: “With the
tremendous growth of community psy-
chiatry, there are good jobs immediately
available for every man finishing psychi
atric residency, without his having to go
on to three or four more years of train-
ing and spend another $25,000 to $40,000.
Today's residents are different from the
men a generation ago—they aren't inter-
tistics, it may
ested in working all that hard or waiting
that long. They want to start ning
money and enjoying their leisure, And
even if private. practice appeals to them
more than community psychiatry, they
get so much more exposure to psychoana-
lytic thought in medical schools nowa
that they feel ready 10 practice therapy,
it not analysis, without further trai:
tion, both the institutes of dis-
senting medical sects and those that train
hologists and оће
scem tu be taking in slightly lag
than formerly. Yet they, too,
ting fewer applications than they used
to; and if this trend continues, it will
surely reduce the number of accepted
trainees in the near future. In sum, the
mudtheralded disappearance of psycho-
analysis is by no means imminent, but
there is reason to suppose that psycho-
analysis as а specialty—especially among
psychiatists—may show a gradual de-
cline in numbers.
Perhaps the most significant indication
of the future fate of psychoanalysis
would be evidence that people in need
of therapy are beginning to avoid it and
to seck other forms of help instead. Bi
no one any data on this; there are
only hints, rumors and vague impres-
sions. Some psychoanalysis, interviewed
for this article, said there has been no
change, but more of them said that the
waiting lists of patients seem to be shorter
than former'y. A few said they'd heard
that some of their colleagues even had
empty time. though they themselves were
as busy as ever. Dr. Ве ш Polleus said,
for instance, that he himself has a three-
month waiting list, but that recently he
has been hearing, from some of his clas-
sically oriented colleagues, that they haye
free time available and would welcome
referrals, A spokesman for the orthodox
Freudians, who declined to be named.
id that the number of people in classi-
cal Freudian analysis docs seem to be
smaller these days, but he added that he
knew of no competent psychoanalyst
who couldn't easily fill up his time by
accepting patients for psychotherapy as
well as for psychoanalysis.
Even if the number of pat
analysis is dwindling, even if analy
should find themselves compelled to
spend some of their time doing other
forms of therapy, psychoanalysis itself is
unlikely to die out, either as a theory or
as an influence on other forms of ther;
py. Rather, it will be absorbed, digested
d amalgamated with other theoı
and therapies. As Dr. Pacella points out,
far more psychoanalytic theory is now
incorporated into medical-school curricu
Ta and psychiatric residency training tha
ever belore—so much so that some cleans
of medical schools believe that the insti
tutes of analysis, and even analysis itsell
as а separate specialty—will soon become
unnecessary: both will wither away, al
though psychoanalysis will live on within
the body of psychiatry.
What will happen to the institutes
that train nonmedical people in analysis
ybody's guess; but even if they, too,
ay, psychoanalysis will also con-
с to live on within the body of
American psychology. Despite the present
1 of behaviorism, psychodynamics
could no more be extracted and cast out
of psychology than could Newtonian
ics be extracted and cast out of
contemporary physics. For even in the era
of relativity theory, Newtonian mechanics
is still "urue"—it is merely incomplete
and imprecise, Similarly, behaviorism,
chemotherapy and cgo psychology do not
disprove or replace psychoanalysis; they
nts in
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PLAYBOY
180 therapeutic h
merely add to it and make possible more
complete and precise explanations of hu-
man behavior. As Dr. Abraham Maslow
of Brandeis University, one of the cou
пуз most distinguished psychologists and
the founder of the Human Potential
Movement, puts it, “Ihe sucesor to
Freud will not offer a repudiation of
Freud but an elaboration of his work. Му
friends and І are *epi-Freudians! trying
to build am adequate supersructure on
the foundation he laid down.’
Already, a number of eclectics are try-
ng to fit the pieces together. At the
therapeutic level, for instance, Dr. №
n Kline, а pioneer in the use of trai
quilizers and other drugs says he finds
no conflict between psychoanalysis and
chemotherapy; in his pri
many of the pati
need psychotherapy or psychoanalys
the same timc—and make far better ps
chotherapcutic progress as a result of the
relief the drugs give them. Dr. Lewis Б.
Wolberg, director of the Postgraduate
Center for Mental Health, uses every-
thing from dassical analysis to drugs, be-
havior therapy and even clectrieshock
therapy, according to cach patient's needs
nd capabilities. Even among the ortho-
dox Freudians, one out of four psycho-
yss has recently been presaibing
drugs for some of his patients, a
to Dr. Mortimer Олом
to the American Psychoanalytic
Association. Maslow and other epi-
Freudians are struggling to work out a
larger theoretical framework, and ever
behaviorists have suggested that behav-
iorism and psychoanalysis аге not op-
posed but complementary, and can be
combined.
Even were the most implacable focs
of psychoanalysis to sweep the field and
to exclude psychoanalytic thinking from
the training of psychiatrists and psychol-
would not stay excluded. We
havc become too sophisticated to be con-
tent with simplistic explanations: we have
accumulated too much knowledge of hu-
man behavior to be able to make sense of
it without psychodynamic psychology.
Both biochemistry and Lehaviorism ir
crease our understanding of the external
aspects of human behavior, but not its
meaning. M one wants to know what a
great painting is about, he needs much
more than data on the composition of
the oil and pigments, or a description of
the way in which the painter mixed and
applied them to the canvas, To compre-
hend love and hate, hope and despair,
poetry and politics, we need to know more
than the chemical events occurring in the
synapses, or the ways in which stimuli
become associated with responses and dis-
associated from them,
Finally, what of psychoanalysis as a
therapy? Will anyone be practicing psy-
choanalysis on anyone else 25 or 50 years
from now, or will it have passed into
recent
and blistering? A few enthusiasts profess
to sce a greater future for analysis than
ever; most psychoanalysts, however, ex
pect it to be even less used than it is
today but to remain a permanent and
important weapon in the armamentar-
ium of therapies. Although it is the
most costly, lengthy and arduous of them.
Il, it is also the only one that docs what
it does. "At the most," says Dr. Wolberg,
Classical psychoanaly suitable for
perhaps five percent of the patients who
seek psydiotherapeutic help—but for
them, it is the treatment of choice. They
have conflicts so deeply buried that it
takes the atom bomb of transference пе
rosis to expose them. The other 95 per-
cent don't need it, or can't afford it, or
aren't verbal enough to be able to use
Besides serving this limited group of
cases, there is an even more ted—but
more important—function it will per-
form for a very small, special group of
patients whose primary need is thorough
self-knowledge. Therapists themselves are
one such group. Dr. G. David Weinick,
а New York psychologist and psycho-
analyst, says, analysis
will probably become very esoteric—a
ized form of education, mostly for
people who are doing various forms of
therapy or studying human behavior and
for whom it is extremely important to be
able to keep their own problems separate
fiom those of the people they're dealing
with.” And for much the same reason,
say others, psychoanalysis will continue
to be valuable, even virtually irreplace-
able, for teachers, communicators. judges
and leaders of society
tual elite who. more than most people,
need to fully understand themselves and
their fellow men.
This is a very different thing from
therapy in the usual sense. Freud began
using psychoanalysis with the limited
aim of alleviating his patients’ hysterical
symptoms, but gradually the goals of
psychoanalysis broadened and became
the freeing of the ual from unncc
essary self-imposed limitations and the
achieving of his full potential in work
and in his relationships. And though it
attains these lofty goals in full in only a
limited mber of cases—about onc out
of five, according to some estimates—
nothing else does so,
Psychoanalysis—as even psychoanalysts
agree—has пог proved a highly efficient
мау of getting rid of symptom; sugges
tion, direction, drugs and behavior the
py may all be better at that—and yet
what analysis docs do turns out to be
more valuable. “I have
lime who come to me to get rid of
certain symptoms,” says Bertram Pollens,
"and who get so involved in seeking
larger changes that the symptoms become
unimportant.” Or, as Donald Kenefick
puis it, "You come in with symptoms
and cven though they never fully disap-
pear, they're never the same afterward—
they cease to be crushing; you have a
framework to place them in. You have
a comforting, meaningful way of sccing
yourself and the world. You have a view
of the universe that you can live with,”
Psychoanalysis is unequaled as a treat-
ment—not of symptoms but of ignorance
about oneself; in the end, it does min-
imize symptoms; but, what is far more
important, it permits one to free himself
from the self-imposed limitations and the
Saulty strategies of life that his ignorance
sustained. No onc has said it better than
Dr. Karl Menninger, one of the grand
old men of psychoanalysis:
I once regarded psychoanalysis
not only as a great educational expe-
rience but also as a therapeutic pro-
gram par excellence. Truc, Freud
warned us against the emphasis on
the therapeutic effect. Now I know
he was right; therapeutic effect it
does have; but, in my opinion, were
this its chief or only value, psy-
choanalysis would be doomed, Sure-
lv the continued development of our
x wledge will help us find quicker
and less expensive ways of relicving
symptoms and rerouting misdirected
travelers. Psychoanal
change the structure of a patient's
mind, to change his view of things,
to change his motivations, to
strengthen his sincerity; it strives
not just to diminish his sufferings
but to enable him to learn fromthe
Instead of being free from guilt
feelings and anxiety feelings, the
psychoanalyzed person may have
even more of both than the un-
analyzed person, but he will know
where they came from and what to
do about them instead of developing
symptoms. He will know whether or
not restitution can be made, wheth-
cr or not penance is in order, wheth-
cr or not casement can be found.
And if they are not, then he must
have the courage to bear them
cheerfully.
Philip Rieff put it in a single pungent
epigram: “Psychoanalysis does not cure;
it merely reconciles.” Merely? But it has
long been the noblest aim of philosophy
to reconcile us to our own limitations
and to these of our fellow men, to recon-
cilc us both to the unavoidable imperfec-
tions ol lile and to its brevity.
If psychoanalysis can do this, it is not
just therapy but education, not just edu-
cation but philosophy; and not just phi-
losophy but a cure, after all—a cure for
what someone has glumly termed “this
long and cruel malady called life.” If so,
psychoanalysis will surely survive its pres
ent crisis and seeming decline, Until a
better philosophy appears, it will contin-
ue to be sought by the special few who
have the perception, the intelligence and
the motivation to sec it through.
SISE
BASEBALL JOE IN THE WORLD SERIES
d other gruff colloquialisms
the s the loudspeaker an-
nounced: “Line-up for the New York
nkees.” The nine Yankees were then
listed by batting order and position, Then
the loudspeaker blared: “Line-up for the
New York Giants: Baseball Joe Matson
itching . . . Pop Gallag E
Rarzberries!” shouted an irate fan.
hat's not the line-up for the Giants.
"s the battery!”
What the Sam Hill is going on?”
shouted
These a
rang
PLAYBOY
He pointed to the single, solitary
figure of Baseball Joe Matson standing
on the pitcher's mound, grimly firing in
prictice pitches to his catcher, There
nother Giant on the ficld!
kees Murderers’ Row.
un-
essly from the dugout steps.
You are some cock of the walk, you
are!” shouted second sacker Tony Laz
zeui hotly.
“G
written large on our faces that you shall
pay for this bush-league ruse!” shouted
mighty homerun hitter Babe Root.
Our hero merely shrugged the criticism
olf as he continued to fire in his w. nup
pitches, When he was finished, he had
опе last conference with his manager.
“I suppose you realize what an almost
insurmountable task lies before you,”
said John MacCrae.
“Yes, Skipper, I do,
“Not only must you prevent the Y
kees from getting a piece of the ball for
a full nine innings,” said the manager,
“I fear you shall also have to supply the
brunt of our hitting.”
1 am certain,” said our hero good-
aturedly, “that Pop Gallagher will giv
good account of himself with the willow
“Perhaps he would have, before he
was grizzled and a veteran,” said Mac
Стае realistically. "But now. . . ."
He allowed the sentence to hang in
mid-air.
“Joc, there is one other thing,” said
the mai "Should you ever get on
base and should Pop not drive you
home, you realize that you shall have to
€ the base to bat and you shall be
tomatically out.”
“I am well aware of that, Skipper,”
Joe.
Well, Joc," said MacCrae with final-
ity, “you and Pop are going to have to
do this all alone.”
“Wrong,” said the youth. “Have you
forgotten that we have a new friend
assisting us?”
“Who is Ша?"
182 MacCrae.
said a puzzled John
(continued from page 144)
“My chicken ball,” said the lad simply.
The manager dapped his twirler
affectionately on the back and then ran to
the dugout.
“Play ball!” cried the umpire.
Digging in at the plate was
Cooies, the Yankees’ center fielder and
lead-off man. Cootes glowered at Joe,
spat out tobacco juice and then waved
his hickory menacingly. A look of gr
determination on his face, Joe checked
his signal. Then he called time and sig-
naled for Pop Gallagher to come out to
the mound
Pop tossed aside his mask and trotted
out 10 speak 10 Joe.
“Pop,” said [oc gently, not wishing to
upset the grizzled veteran, “how many
fingers did you flash?”
Thirty-two,” said Pop nervously. “Ten,
three times. Then two. I called for a
spoon ball."
"Oh," said Joe, "I wasn’t sure. I
thought it was forty-two, which is an
eleventh-speed fast ball."
“I didn't know you had forty-two
pitches," said th
“Forty-three,” said Joe, modestly in-
forming Pop of his new chicken ball.
The backstop, who was in the twilight
of his carcer, gasped with awe.
Joe stared into the grizzled face of the
utility catcher. What a tribute it is to
this fine veteran, thought the youth, that
at his age he was still doggedly devoting
himself to our national pastime. Joe se
cretly wondered if he, too, would still be
playing baseball when he was 34.
Gallagher went back to the plate and
the game began.
Coolly and methodically, Baseball Joe
Matson whilled Cootes and sho: stop
Mark Kinnick. Then np stepped the
awesome Babe Root
o you're the fresh young boob who
thinks he can singlehandedly dispose of
thc most murderous array of batsmen
that has ever struck terror in the hearts
of major-league moundsmen!” growled
the mighty Babe, as he swung his mace
i
in a terrifyin,
Without flinching, our hero faced up.
to the prodigious slugger. Then he calm-
ly tossed а fadeaway, an cighth-speed fast
ball and a chicken ball, and the crestfall-
en Babe bit the dust, The stands roared.
Joe had retired the side on nine pitches!
As the youth stepped up to the plate
for his turn at bat
he noticed Pop Gallagher in the on-deck
circle, his gnarled g nerv-
ously. Joe knew immediately what he
had to do.
Swinging at his first pitch, perhaps a
bit overanxiously, Joe did not get the
good wood on the ball, and a home run
was denied him. The ball instead
dropped into the leftcenterHield bull
pen for a three bagger.
"Fm sorry І let you down, Skipper.”
said Joe to МасСтас in the third-base
coaching box, as he dusted himself off.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Jad.”
said the manager. "There's always next
time!
When Gallagher popped up, Joe had
to leave third base to bat again, thus
making it two outs. This time, Joc lined
what would haye been an ordinary single
to left field, but MacCrae, fearing Pop
would fail again with Joe on base, fool-
ishly signaled Joe to stretch an ord
bagger into a home run. While,
addition to being an outstanding bats-
man and hurler, Joc was also a cracker-
jack base runner, this time he didn't
have а chance, and he was thrown out at
home plate by a good four feet.
Slowly the innings ticked by, with the
two teams locked in a titanic scoreless
ducl. While Joe got his share of safeties,
he couldn't quite reach the stands, and
Pop Gallagher was never capable of driv-
g him home. Meanwhile, Joe was up to
the awesome task of keeping the Yankees
off the base paths, with his most effective
pitching performance yet.
He had one close call in the sixth
inning, when Yankce left fielder Bob Mus-
de topped a shovel ball down the first-
base line. Joe dashed off the mound,
dove, scooped up the ball barehanded
and lobbed it toward first; then, scam-
pering to his feet, he dashed to the bag
to take his own toss, a hair ahead of the
runner, The stands rocked with cheers
for the gritty moundsm:
As the Giants came to bat in the last
of the eighth, Joe was visibly tiring under
the tremendous strain.
low do you feel, lad?” asked Mac-
Crae.
"A bit weary,” admitted the game
youth, “but I shall hold up."
“1 don't mind telling you, son," said
the manager, "that very few people here
feel that you will last much longer. In
fact
The manager stopped, as if he wanted
to say something but changed his mind,
“Skipper, issomething amiss?" asked Joe.
“Joc.” said the manager, “I pray that
this will not affect your deadly resolve to
triumph, bur I have learned that the
gamblers who kidnaped your teammates
are so certain that you will collapse
under this inhuman strain that they have
returned here to await collection of their
scandalous wagers.
“You mean they are in the st
said the disbclieving youth.
of them, I am told," Mac-
ing for Baseball Joe Matson
ter, so that they can rake in their
ls
evil money from poor, misguided bettors
among our fans who, disregarding the
laws of
‘ball, have succumbed to
"I shall show them!" said our hero,
grimly grabbing a bat.
As Joe stepped up to the platter in the
PLAYBOY
last of the eighth, his mouth was set in a
firmer line than before. Lifting the bat
with his weary shoulders, he pounded it
on the plate, then he dug in.
Joe wasted no time. As soon as the
first pitch left the moundsman’s hand, the
youth tore into it. Crack! Ash met horse-
hide. Fifty-five thousand fans gasped: a
ghty scream rent the he white
sphere began to dimb on a fight never
before witnessed by the denizens of the
game.
Up. up it flew to dead center field. Tt
cleared the green background screen, It
cleared the bleachers. It cleared the dub-
house. It dened the scoreboard dock. It
was the longest home run ever hit at the
Polo Grounds!
“Hurrah, hurrah for Baseball Joe Mat
son, the greatest competitor in the game
and also the finest fellow who ever wore
shoe leather!" screamed the excited C
fans as the grinning youth sounded the
bases, stamped on home plate and dasped
the hands of Pop and John MacCrae.
‘The Giants were now leading, 1-0.
“Just hold them in the ninth,” plead-
ed the m id we've got the
Joe nodded and went out to the
mound. The first Yankee batter stepped
up to the plate. Joc looked
cirefully, then, with great de
he went into a slow w
ball fly. A shocked gro:
the crowd. The pitch not on!y missed the
plate but it missed the catcher as well
and went in a wild, erratic arc into the
lower deck of the stands behind first
base. During his briel, meteoric carcer,
the young moundsman had unleashed
his share of wild pitches (two, to be
g a game ag:
storm), but never had he thrown
such an errant pitch.
"Forget it, old man,
Пот the dugout,
happen.”
But the plucky manager could not
conceal the anxiety that was
gnawing at him.
Once again, the apparently tiring [oe
wound up and hurled the sphere, This
one also cleared everything and landed
in the third-base stands
Panic gripped the Giant skipper and
nt fans were stunned into stupe-
fied silence. What had happened to their
hero? Twice more, Joe unleashed cs
ceedingly wild pitches that nestled in the
stands, and the Yankees had their first
base runner.
Now it was the turn of the Yankee
fans to let off steam and they didn't
spare Joc.
aseball Joe Matson is a mucker!”
Back to the bush leagues with all
birds who cannot withstand the inordi
e pressures of а championship tilt!
“You're choking in the clutch, Dase-
ball Joe, and 1 sincerely doubt if you can
п emanated [rom
said John Mac-
“Accidents will
184 accept defeat manfully!”
"Thus flew the withering jibes from the
stands, as John MacCrae went out to
talk to his young hurler.
“Joe, old man, is anything the mat-
ter?” asked the manager.
“I shall be all right" the twirler
assured him,
“But those pitches you threw," said
the desperate MacCrae, “They were miles
off target.
"I assure you there is no cause fo
concern,” said the weary youth,
oe" said MacCrae softly, "do you
realize who is coming up for the Yankees
? Murderers’ Row!"
manager a steely look and
the latter knew there was no point in
ng tbe matter amy further. He
trotted back to the dugout.
The mighty Babe Root dug in at the
plate. Joe took his stretch and let loose.
Once again, the ball slipped from his
hand and went soaring toward the stands
behind third base. "The Yankee base run-
ner troticd to second base on the wild
pitch. Our hero stretched and released
the ball. For the sixth consecutive time,
the ball went on its err way, this time
clear into the upper deck. The Yankee
runner gleefully tore around to th
And so our hero stood in the midst
of a dilemma. One more wild pitch
and the game would be tied. Should
either of the three members of Murderers’
Row get on base and score, the Yankees
would go ahead and perhaps win the
world series. The strain of a grueling
season and the most enervating game of
is life had to be making their deadly toll
оп the slim but gritty youth. The Giant
ns sat sullenly in the stands and the
manager of the Polo Grounders held his.
breath. Was this the end of the line?
Was he to bc dei 12th straight
world-series triumph? Only time would
tell.
The young twirler stepped up onto
n. He hitched up his
for his sign, wound up
nd let the ball fly. It cut the heart of
the plate.
The Babe insolently waved a finger to
indicate strike one. Again, Joe cut the
plate with a fork ball, The Babe held up
two fingers. That made strike two. Then
the Babe stepped out in front of the
plate and dramatically pointed toward
the distant right-center-ficld stands. A
shudder went up from the Giant fans.
When Babe Root called his shots, he
seldom missed.
]ое sized. his opponent up and down;
then, suddenly, a strange thing hap-
pened. Baseball Joe Matson also pointed
with his finger. Only he was pointing at
his catcher's mitt. And so they stood, the
great homerun king and the plucky
rookie, each pointing at a different tar-
get. The tension was unbearable,
Joe wound up and let fly with a chick-
en ball. The Babe swung and missed.
Baseball Joe Matson had done it again!
Six quick pitches Inter, Lou Goering
and Tony Lazzeti had also міса.
Final score:
Grants: 1
YANKEES: 0
The Giants had won the series!
The stands erupted with a tremendous
roar. Pop Gallagher came running over
to Joe, gripped his hand, then, remem-
bering that tradition called for the team-
mates of a world-scrics hero to
that player off on their shoulders, the
grizzled veteran got down on the ground,
inserted his shoulders under the youth's
legs and tried to rise. But, instead, the
backstop collapsed to the turf, his old
bones not quite up to the task.
After Joe revived his catcher, the two
of them and John MacCrae raced happi
ly for the clubhouse through the thou-
sands of ecstatic fans who had clambered
onto the field.
When they got to the clubhouse, a
surprise awaited them. The Giant team
у Їтєс from bondage, had just ar-
rived and was congratulating its hero for
a task well done.
“You did a great job, old man,” sa
to his hurler. “As for that mo-
y spell of wildness, forget it. It
happens to the best of us."
At that moment, а police officer en
tered. "Mr. MacCrae," he said, "you will
be happy to know that we have captured
the six gamblers in the stands. All were
ive with pisis on
lying uncon
“1 can't underst
ball Joe Mat
i use
; louder than he had in-
tended to speak. "A blow on the neck?
I distinctly recall aiming for his head
The disbelieving manager, who һай
overheard the remark, gazed at his ace
hurler. “Joe,” he said, “those wild pitch-
es? You mean .. . ?"
But he knew he would gct nothing
more from his modest young twitler.
Then, in the excitement of the mo-
ment, the skipper almost forgot that he
had something else to say to the yo
said John MacCrae, “I
ning to ask you someth
ing.
ry chicken ball;
“The ball curved in, then out,
sailed, hesitated, bobbed and pecked at
the air, and then.
No, no,” said the ski,
right after ad pecked, the
ball spun around in a furious circle?
And so, at this point, we bid farewell
to our young hero, his teammates and
his crusty but lovable manager. But I am.
sure that all of my young readers will be
anxious to read the next exciting book
in this series, Baseball Joe and His Tor-
nado Ball, or “Making New Chums in
the Hall of Fame.
Ki
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PLAYBOY PAD
Moore says, “and then ramble about the
three other floors [the top floor is really
a guest cove tucked away under the
eaves] until they find a room, nook or
cranny where they can stop and talk.
АП I need to do is set out the ice and
scs and the house seems to take over
and do the entertaining for me.”
Once inside the front door, a visitor
icly finds himself opposite the
first of Moore's three towers: a two-story
shaft painted metallic gokl that extends
down to the former basement. On one
of the tower's walls, Moore placed two
ancestral portraits (see page while
directly below them is an antique Wu:
liver jukebox stocked with vintage 78s.
Guests who have just arrived can either
take the steps in front of them down to
the kitchen and dining area or turn left
past the tower into the foyer, where
PLAYBOY
Moore stationed the five cutout numer
al panels seen on page 1 ce each
panel moves on an individual track, the
sequence can be altered and new combi-
nations formed, whimsy dictates. At
night, back-panel lighting can be switched
on so that the wall will illuminate the
Oriental rugs that have been scattered
about the foyer's polished-oak floor.
At the end of this passage is the cen-
tral tower pictured on pages 127 and
129, an open shaft painted metallic silver
that extends to a skylight near the roof’s
peak. From the high ceiling, Moore has
hung an 18th Century Mexican lantern
that’s been converted to electricity. Tis
pale light reflecting off the silver walls
produces a shimmering glow, while
leaded stained-glass windows mounted in
one of the third floor's cutout spaces add.
a vivid splash of color,
Below and to the side of the central
tower is the living room. Along three
walls, Moore built in a deep corduroy-
covered couch upon which guests can sit
or sprawl, perhaps to watch the fl
the pad's 160-year-old brick fireplace that
stands adjacent to one corner of the
couch. Over the fireplace is mounted a
framed reproduction of an ancient map
of Rome, So that the room remains un-
cluttered, Moore limits its furnishings to
a 19th Century English chair and a huge
African basket. The latter serves as a
handy storage bin for magazines, news-
papers, phone directories and—surprisel
—the phone.
At the rear of the house, Moore
replaced the weathered New England
clapboard with a glass wall, installed a
sliding glass door that leads to the
fenced-in rear patio, pictured on page
126, and covered the opening to the
cellar stairs with another sheet of glass,
thus turning the steps into a tiered
greenhouse. This important remodcling
feature not only keeps the first floor
186 bright and cheery but also ensures that
(continued from page 128)
the previously mentioned kitchen-dining
arca located at the rear of the house di-
rectly at the base of the third tower will
imum sunlight.
This portion of the pad, reached from
steps just beyond the living room, is
compact and orderly as a ship's galley.
Along one wall, Moore built in the
latest in kitchen appliances: a stove,
dishwasher and minifridge, plus roll-out
trays for utensils and several bins for
storing dishes, glasses and a generous
supply of potables. Over the sink (as can
be seen in the picture on page 126) is
mounted a neon number 42 that was
created by graphic designer Barba
Stauffacher for a show at the Architectur-
al League in New York City. Irs an
excellent example of Moore's eclectic ap-
proach to decorating, as he's quick to
point out that “a house should be а per-
sonal environment filled with things that
visually turn you on to life.
For dinner parties both formal and
casual, guests sit at а 12foot pedestal-
style dining ble with a butcher «block
top. Around it are positioned a number
of collapsible directors chairs that can
be stashed out of sight in one of several
under-thestairs closets. Over the table
is а theostatoperated chandelier (pic
ned on page 129) that's comprised. of
sockets and bulbs, all wired together into
a unique light fantastic.
In a corner of the kitchen-dining
below-ground area, Moore built in li-
brary shelves for his sizable book collec-
tion, Nearby, a rope hammock lies ready
to be hung across the base of the pad's
front tower, just below the ancestral por-
traits; guests can lounge there and gaze
up into the tower or read a magazine by
the light from the Wurliver.
The third floor of Moore's emi
domain is reached by a flight of st
just off the living room. On this level,
Moore allotted space for both work and
play; а builtin desk and bookshelf lo
cated directly to one side of the pad's cen-
tower is used as a small study: while,
nearby, a sterco nd a collection of
records stand ready to amplify classical,
jazz or rock music into the three-story
tower, thus filling the house with mu
Just around the corner is the master
bedroom, which has been furnished with
the camp canopy bed and vinyl spread
scen on page 128. Draftsman lamps have
been mounted to the curved headboard,
which has built-in shelves for books and
an extension phone. Into the camopy
roof, Moore mounted baroque print
ıl dome and, just for the fun.
wed a luster of stars that con-
ross the ceiling and down the
wall to the headboard. Wardrobe
are kept in a closet and shelf uni
into a bedroom wall.
A half bath containing a large theat-
icsbstyle mirror that’s bordered with
bulbs is located next to the bedroom,
and across the hall is a tiled double-sized
shower stall, Bath towels are hung on a
towel bar just ап arm's length from the
shower. Behind the towel bar is mounted
another large mirror; thus, this portion
of the fully carpeted third floor is ac-
tually опе large-sized bathing-dressing
room rather than (псе separate
The amp room pictured
page 128 is just around the corne:
Up a short flight of stairs from the
sauna is the aforementioned fourth-floor
guest cove. Because of the low-bridge
slant of the roof, Moore placed a double
mattress directly on the floor and cov-
ered it with a colorful spread. A mini-
closet built into the opposite wall stands
cady to hold a week's supply of w
ables By day, the scene is lighted by
sunshine that floods through a skylight.
At night, amateur guest astronomers can
pop into bed and stargaze.
Strolling through Moore's house at any
hour of the day, one is constantly emer-
5 visual conjuring. But it's
after dark that the pad really becomes a
showcase for Moore's creative wizardry.
A variety of modern light fixtures, many
ve been
placed in unexpected recesses—often in
order to illuminate art objects; one
steps from pool of light to pool of light
and in and out of shadows, th
ening the illusion that the floor
bigger than it actually is, Moore,
ith light—not with sweep-
ing brush strokes but with large and
small applications of illum
the house were a giant canvas.
Moore aints with colors—bolily
contrasting vivid reds and yellows against
the stark white walls, This eye-popping
style of decorating has been dubbed su-
pergraphics, a word Moore defines as
painting outsized designs on a surface
order to alter а viewer's perspective and
make the painted object appear larger
than lifesized. Moore's knowledge of
supergraphics is firsthand; the architec-
tural firm Мооте Turnbull, of which h
а copartner, has been dabbling with the
technique for several years.
When Moore steps outside his digs,
he's within a few minutes’ walking
distance of the university and of Moore-
Turnbull. But whether involved in ui
versity activities or on a business trip in
his latest acquisition—a_twin-engined
Cessna 310— Moore is constantly looking
for even fresher ideas that will keep
his pad's decor ahead of the times. 105
not only New Haven's undisputed Now
Haven but also a personally satisfying
creation and a constantly changing test-
ing ground for new ideas and unusual
effects—and_ that's just what Charles
Moore wants it to be.
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187
PLAYBOY
“Here I am, poised on the brink of womanhood, and you start
worrying about your Puritan ethic.”
tongue and ham into 14-in-thick stri
Spread a third of the ground meat in
рап. Add half the tongue and ham,
placed lengthwise in rows. Spread an-
other third of ground meat in pan. Add
balance of tongue and ham. Top with.
lance of ground meat. If any strips
of bacon are left, place them on top of
fitê. Cover pan with double thickness of
aluminum foil. Place loaf pan in larger
ining 114 to 2 ins. very hot
hours. Let pûté cool to
room temperature. Weight pûlê and re-
frigerate overnight. Before serving, sa
(Serves six to eight)
1 Ib. thick smoked ecl
14 cup heavy sweet cream.
vû cup mayonnaise
1 small onion
1 large clove garlic
1 teaspoon lemon juice
Ground white pepper
1 hard-boiled egg. very finely minced
I teaspoon very finely minced parsley
With a boning knife, remove skin and
bones from eel, Cut cel meat into 14-
in-thick chunks, Put through meat
grinder three times, using finest blade.
Beat cream in small narrow bowl until
cream ino mayonnaise.
te onion into mayonnaise mixture.
lic through garlic press into
«ture. Add lemon juice
generous dash of white pepper.
Fold cel into mayonnaise mixture until
well blended. Turn into bowl or hors
d'ocuvre dish. Cover with dear-plastic
wrap and chill overnight. Sprinkle egg
and parsley over pûtê just before serving.
Serve with freshly buttered hot toast or
Melba toast.
CKEN-LIVER PATE, CRANBERRY ASPIG
(Serves cight to ten)
1 Ib, chicken livers
14 Ib. sweet butter
3 tablespoons plain gelatin
114 cups cranberry juice
Salad oil
% cup onion, finely minced
1 tablespoon garlic, finely minced.
14 Ib. mushrooms, finely minced
2 tablespoons madeira or amontillado
2 tablespoons cognac
1 teaspoon salt
4 teaspoon black pepper
T teaspoon prepared horseradish
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
Let butter stand at room temperature
just until soft enough to spread casily.
Soften 1 tablespoon gelatin in 14 cup
cold cranberry juice. Bring 4 cup cran-
berry juice to a boil; remove from flame
and stir in softened gelatin until dis
solved. Pour into l-quart gelatin mold
and place in coldest section of refrigerator
Bs
ή (continued from page 164)
to jell. Cut chicken livers into halves,
removing any tough connecting tissue.
mé livers in oil over a moderate flame
until just barcly done. Remove livers
from pan; do not wash pan. In same
pan, sauté onion, garlic and mushrooms
until onions are vellow, not brown, using
more oil, if necessary. Remove from fire.
Soften remaining gelatin in balance of
cranberry juice. Dissolve over simmering
water. In wide-mouth blender, place
chicken livers, butter, sautéed. vegetables,
dissolved gelatin and all remainin
grediens. Blend thoroughly at h
bout ? minutes. This mav be
two batches, if blender is small.
‘Taste liver mixture: correct seasoning if
necessary. When cranberry juice in mold
is jelled. pour liver mixture into mold,
spreading evenly to edge. Chill overnight
in refrigerator. To unmold, run a knife
along inside edge of mold: dip mold
into hot water for a few seconds; invert
nd unmold onto serving plate.
PATE OF DUCK, GRAND MARNIER
(Serves 10 to 12)
1 510. duck, boned
34, Ib. fresh chicken
1 Ib. boneless pork loin
34 Ib. boneless veal shoulder
% Ib. salt pork (streaky type w
showing)
1 medium sized onion, sliced
6 sprigs parsley
112 ozs. cognac
2 ozs. Grand Marnier
1 oz amontillado
14 cup very fincly minced shallots
2 eggs, slightly beaten
2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
14 teaspoon ground cii
Yj teaspoon ground gin
14 teaspoon ground aniseed
Order duck from butcher several days
in advance, so that he will have time to
thaw and bone it. (Duck carcass, in-
cluding wings, may be used for soup
stock, if desired.) Cut breast meat from
skin, keeping skin intact. Cut breast meat
lengthwise into |
meat from second joints and thighs and
set aside, Cut chicken livers into halves,
removing all tough connecting tissue,
Marinate strips of duck and livers for
about 3 hours in onion, parsley, cognac,
Grand Marnier and amontillado. Put
remaining duck flesh, heart and gizzard
of duck, pork loin, veal and salt pork
through meat grinder three times, u
finest blad inade
into
ground meat, discarding onion and pars-
ley. Set aside livers and duck strips. Add
remaining ingredients to ground meat,
mixing very well. Preheat oven at 375°.
outside part down, in
pan, preferably ‘Teflon.
xture in
loaf
Zquart
Spread half the ground-meat n
pan. Place livers in a row down center of
pan. Place duck strips alongside livers.
Add balance of ground meat; pat down
well Fold over any duck skin at top
of pan. Cover with double thickness
of aluminum foil Place loaf pan in a
larger pan containing 114 to 2 ins. very
hot water. Bake 2 hours. Remove foil; let
paté cool at room temperature about an
hour. Pour off excess fat from par
When pálé is cool enough to handle,
remove it from loaf pan and place si
side up in a shallow dry pan. Return it
to 375° oven and bake until duck skin is
well browned, about 4 hour. Cool again
10 room temperature, Wrap loaf in several
yers of dearplastc wrap. Refrigerate
overnight. (For a more compact loal, this
рйё may be weighted down; it is not
absolutely necessary, since it's easily carved
with a sharp Кайс.)
LIVER PATE WITH RUM.
(Serves 10 to 12)
34 Ib. calf's liver
1 Ib. boneless pork loin
16 Ib. boneless veal shoulder
М Ib. fresh pork fat
161. salt pork (fat back), thinly
sliced
Y/ Ib, sliced fresh mushrooms
3 tablespoons butter
1⁄4 cup very finely minced onion
Э large cloves garlic, forced through
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon prepared horseradish
2 cops, slightly beaten
214 teaspoons salt
1 tablespoon flour
teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
14 teaspoon ground allspice
16 teaspoon ground mace
Fresh pork fat is usually obtainable
only by special request from the butcher.
Have butcher slice salt pork on his m:
chine, so that it is no thicker tha
bi t bacon, or ask him to slice it
horizontally and pound it between paper
to that thickness. Sauté mushrooms
butter until tender. Put liver, pork loii
veal, pork fat and mushrooms through
g finest
blade. Mix ground meat with all remai
ing ingredients except salt pork, blend-
ing very well. Line bottom and sides of
Qquart loaf pan with salt pork. Add
ground-meat mixture. Place any remain-
ing salt pork on top. Cover pan with
double thickness of aluminum foil. Pre-
heat oven at 375°. Place loaf pan
larger pan containing 114 to 2 ins. very
hot water. Bake 2 hours. Cool at room
temperature about 1 hour. Place weight
on top of páté. Chill overnight.
"The preceding recipes should put you
on the right track in your pursuit of
the pûlé.
189
190
JAMES F. HOGE, JR. ahcad of the times
ALTHOUCH THE Chicago Sun-Times dubbed itself "the bright
опе" several years ago, the tag gained real significance only
last October, when James Е. Hoge, Jr., became the paper's
editor. Hoge’s awareness of what's happening—and his com-
mitment to enlightening the public—has made the Sun-Times
an exciting, civicminded newspaper in the great muckraking
tradition. Rampant hunger in the ghetto and deplorable con-
ditions at Cook County's jail and hospital were not even offi-
cially recognized until the Sun-Times brought them to light.
Hoge says, "We've become a little more independent, a little
more liberal and a lot more attentive to new voices. We want
to present both sides of a story—by having local experts write
about civic problems and setting up debates and forums in
print; and we've increased the number of political columnists,
whose viewpoints cover the spectrum, to give wide-ranging
coverage to national issues." New York-born Hoge has айка
wanted to be involved in public affairs: Alter leaving Yale
with a political-science degree, he entered the University of
Chicago's graduate school and went job hunting. "Mana
ment at the Sun-Times,” he recalls, "agreed to adapt my
working hours to my course schedule, so I started as a police
reporter. All night I'd wait for a story to break, then drag
back in time for an carly class. It was the drcariest period
of my life.” Armed with а master's degree in modern history,
he went to Washington, D. C, under an American Political
Science Association fellowship and, ter, rejoined the
Sun-Times at the Washington bureau. Then-editor Emmett
Dedmon brought him back to Chicago as assistant city editor in
1964, and Hoge moved up fast through the ranks. When
Dedmon became editorial director, Hoge took over his chair.
Now 33, the youngest editor of any major metro-
politan newspaper in the country. “I have no unfulfilled
desires,” he says. "I've got all 1 can handle riding this tiger.”
DAVID NORTH head head-hunter
WHEN GIANT COKFORATIONS replace important executives, they
often turn to the administrative head-hunter, who not only
supplies a talented new face but also may have lured the
departed. manager away. David North, 40, perhaps the most
successful of U.S. executive recruiters, says, “For every three
good men in American industry, five better position
waiting: but the toughest part of recruiting is convincing an
already successful man to consider a job change." The native
New Yorker founded David North & Associates іп 1964, after
quitting his management-consultant job. "Instead of just ad-
vising firms how to stall up and what kind of men to look
for. | decided to go out and find them myselL" North's com-
pany now recruits more than 150 executives annually at
salaries ranging from $15,000 to $125,000 а y: By the end
of 1969, he will have opened branch offices in Chicago, Cleve-
land, Atlanta, Boston, Washington and Pittsburgh: he is also
represented in 13 nations around the globe. Calling on over-
seas affiliates several times cach month, North jets to London,
interviews job applicants over breakfast at the airport, and
then holds similar meetings in terminals outside Brussels and
Paris, before catching the evening fight home. This inter-
national itinerary has earned him the nickname The Flying
Pirate. “But | don't—and won't—regularly raid the same
firms. Overdoing it would kill the goose that lays the golden
says the University of Pennsylvania dropout. North's own
Midas touch can be attributed to his dossiers on top executives.
"he most employable men today are bright 9840-35-ycar-
old entreprencurial-minded generalists," he says. Entrepre
neurially minded himself, North has created several spin-off
corporations, among which are concerns specializing in col-
essmen for retirement. 1f.
lege recruiting and preparing bu
his personal empire keeps expanding, North seems certain
to become his own most promising candidate for recruitment.
ARTE JOHNSON faces
SINCE THE 1963 midsCason premicre of
Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In. (see this
month's Playboy Interview, page 83)
Arte Johnson has been among the show
madcap mainstays. А one-man рори
tion explosion, he's given bith to a
rogues’ gallery of television's most re-
freshing comic characters. Among his
repertoire of 60 alter egos, in addition
verrry interesting” storm trooper,
p. formerly a laundryma
Berchtesgaden, he portrays Pyotor Ro:
menko, the phrase-fracturing Slavic song-
anddance man; ankar, the
inanely i guru; Lovely
Steven C; ite, smoking-
jacketed songbird: and, of course, Tyrone,
the Chaplinesque, dirty oll Walnetto
freak, whom Johnson originally named
Julius Andrews (“His friends called him
Juli Andrews,” Arte explains, “but the
producers were afraid we'd be sued”)
Johnson, now 40, began splitting his
personality as а student at the University
of Illinois. The precocious child of a
ney, he entered high school
де at 16, taking a degree
g some
valuable dramatic experience in campus
productions, He migrated to New York
in the carly Fifties and planned on а
eer in public relations: but he soon
rejected the idea and landed a number
of оп- and off-Broadway stage roles and
nightclub engagements. When steady
work became increasingly difficult to find
in the East, Аме moved to California
and sold men’s clothing, for 18 month
until his Tuck began to improve. For the
next several years, he devoted all of his
е to high-paying television commer-
cials, cartoon voice-overs and situation-
comedy bit parts and was reconciled
to relative anonymity until producer
Schlatter offered him a place in
а series he was р Laugh-In.
Johnson scored a comedy hit with the
show's 45,000,000 viewers and has now
filmed а TV pilot of his own, which he
describes as a “conglomeration of in-
sanity.” Despite his curent success, Апе
is both ambitious and uncertain about his
future. "T ve been in this business for 20
years,” he reflects, “and I've still got a
long way to go." But with 55 more char-
acters yet to be seen, each demanding
equal time, he won't be going it alone
191
PLAYBOY
192
ALICE G ENT | continued from page 142)
was а constant trip. Everybody came 10
do his own thing, to sculpt or paint or
trip, like the time Jimmy Jay and Lira
and Becka and then, later on, Dougie
nd Ann wipped up in the bell tower,
ght inside the bell, or you could just
ke your pants off and sit on the pulpit
and that was a trip, kind of. Like, it’s
Шу hard to explain what a wip it
could be just being with people you love
nd trading highs and digging the
door will dose and two people will know
the same thing about what it means that
it Closed just then. Arlo wrote his songs,
there was swimming in the summer а
great p
ey could take suits off and that
way not hide anything from one another,
no secret corridors for power or lust or
other ego trips. Lock doors? Lock doors?
What for? And there were holidays and
feasts—head food—and when there were
no holidays, they made their own holi-
days. Whenever they got together, it was
holiday. Life was а wip, because, as
Сес Outlaw says, you add to yourself
on a subway ride and every walk down
the street is like an addition to yourself,
and that was a particularly complex walk
so
c where nobody else came,
down the street. And there were rituals
—no orgies, because nobody was into
heavy orgies: sex was mostly private—
but plenty of orgiastic dancing, and, of
couse, grass is a ritual. acid is a ritual
and games are rituals, like the time Ray
called the hospital and said, "Come on
over here and get Mr. Johnson, he's
nd the hospital said, “How long
dead d Ray said,
when
Ray got remarried, not like the old way,
ihe okl holies hanging over them, but
with the new holies, new vesels, new
wine, new wafers with Tittle wet spots on
them. And how everybody carried on
Benno was outrageous; he read the cn-
te second chapter of Genesis, and he
wasn't even a Boo Hoo then; and Arlo
nd Geoff and Ray's son Jono played
nd carried on, and everybody carried
on, and Benno asked Гог quiet and spoke
for a few minutes, paralleling the whole
scene up there in the Berkshires with
the Garden of Eden, because he was very
decp into it, deep into love feel
warm and loving, and sugges
perhaps they were
“All I am I owe to my wife . . . in alimony payments."
moving, perhaps—into a potential Gar-
den of Eden, “Not that Alice and Ray
were necessarily Adam and Eve,” Benno
recalls, "but that we were all sort of
lishing a near рагай
ation and living honestly and
beautifully together.”
* it was a second һопи
Alice and Ray, maybe even
rst home, since an unusually large num-
ber of them came from broken or well-
ges. They dropped in, they
joined, volunteers for а new life style, a
love family rather than a blood family
(old contracts loosening, new ones bei
c, in Vermont, in Californi
land. Germany. everywhere, around
l politics or a rock group or
charismatic figure like Ken Kesey or Ray
Brock), and a better symbol than a church
for a place that a love family can lovingly
gather would be hard to find.
Sometimes there would be
14 or 15 people sleeping i
sma
па солу
shire winters and
Alice was Mothe
Earth. "Well, Alice recalls, "we got
wrapped up in the roles and fulfill
everybody's fantasy and our own fantasy
about how beautiful we were and what a
fantastic couple and what a beautiful
building. It was really like a movie. We
were living a movie.”
But, of course, life is not а movie and
у were mor always all Unit groovy in
len, let alone on Division Street in
Stockbridge. And there were days when
Ray would wake up and Alice would
he throwing off the worst kind of vi
brations—angty, black out hed
go, out the door like а shot, out of there,
because when Alice was bad, she was
really something, a bear, | mean, she
was a drag, a very aggressive woman; like
the time she lit into Obie. That was
her act, to be bad, her thing, and nobody
ever tried it then except her. "I was a
real bitch," she says. "I was the only one
who could yell, who could barge in and
take anything I wanted. And nobody
ever crossed me. Never. No matter wh
1 did. But . . . it’s so easy to give and it's
so hard to take, if you don’t believe
you're worthy. And, really, І wasn't get-
tin’ min
Take, for example, the business of
marital privacy, which, with all those
people around there all the time, wasn't
that easy to get. It could be impossible.
Sometimes Ray would have to lock the
door; he'd make everybody stand outside
many as
the three
I bedrooms and they were all warm
nd protected [rom the Ber
the world
beyond.
her
uh
the door for an hour But that isn't
really where it was at; so with all that
ter-
tain closeness, an intin
and Ray weren't getting
ly, the kids came between them. They let
the kids keep them apart, they used the
kids that way, and the kids used them as
well, used them to re-create and enact
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the death of their belief in the institu:
tion of marriage, the possibility of
connection through sacramental rite.
And Ray was very taken by the family
thing. He got very involved with the
kids, much more than Alice did, reall
and then she felt she wasn't getting hers;
then it all seemed to tighten around her,
tighter and tighter, until there was no
room even to breathe and what was
there for her? Who was looking after her
needs? Then she would split
Alice split from Ray several times. It
wasn't that they didn’t have something
special going for them, they did; but the
time came and she would have that stuff
gushing up in her and she would have to
split.
One thing, they had an understand-
ing, they didn’t bind
proprietary sexual feelings, because,
1 of not sleeping with someone be-
у ried to someone else and
t would hurt that person, you would
hope that nobody was in the kind of
head to get hurt by anybody loving any-
body. And, in fact, every girl who came
around was more proof that Alice was
really where she was at. And Ray didn't
have all that many affairs, you know. He
ight ball а few girls now and then, but
there were no affairs. But then Alice got
into a thing with somebody and, well, he
began to be more important than any-
body else to her and that did make Ray
uptight, very uptight, and so you have to
figure that those old marriage feelings
were in there somewhere, bubbling, not
really exorcised, as they had thought
Tt was after one time that Alice had
split that Ray and the kids built the.
restaurant with her, in the back of Ne
aimes Store оп Main Street in Stock-
bridge. It was called the Back Room,
and the food was really great, but by
then things had deteriorated between
Alice and Ray; she wasn't living at the
church but in the Guriage house behind
ther nt, with a few other people.
lice and Ray decided to marry
п and got everybody together
in the church, invited everybody, and
was really a beautiful, lovely day, with
Benno reading from Genesis and saying
things like, “Will you take this woman
even if she doesn't feel like cooking
breakfast or if she goes off and balls
someone else?"—a very simple, personal,
direct ceremony, very out front, very
honest; and maybe for a short time, it
seemed as though something would work
out. But the hole they were in was too
deep and within a couple of months,
Alice was in Boston: she had put herself
al, and Ray went
over.
PLAYBOY
п with Benno in his
Sheffield. His life
style there i ys. The
194 house used to be his mother and step-
father’s, both now deceased, and he
throws it open to one and all to enjoy,
provided they don’t drive on the lawn or
mess up the records; those are the only
two rules, Somebody calls the place Ben-
no's People Farm, and I can see why. At
ny time of the night or day, there's
amily around 10 groove with, Lanky
Angus, with his red mustache, and dark-
haired, dark-eyed Heuy live here. They
met in Haight-Ashbury at the Oracle
office (Hetty was art editor) and were
married last spring equinox in Golden
Gate Park, on a golden day, by a friend
who was deep into Zen and seemed to
them particularly priestlike. Hetty (she
Jost a tooth to a drunken poet in Ten-
erile some years back and has yet to re-
place it) was, according to Angus, the
original flower child. "A girlfriend of
mine and I used to pass out flowers on
the street,” Hetty admits. “We picked up
little florists’ shop that let us have
yesterday's flowers for nothing. They
were mostly daisies and marigolds, yester-
days flowers, but they were perfectly
good.” Hetty has a ten-year-old son liv-
ing on the Kesey Farm up in Oregon.
Blonde, waaaay-out-front Ann McCord
lives here with her four yearold daugh-
ter, Justine, and so do a number of
andouts like Cassandra Cassandra, а
short, engrossed blonde who is always
busy at something with her hands; or
mushroom freak Jim В. from the
Coast, who sits on the lawn and plays a
bcautiful classical "Fhcere arc a
number of dogs around, including Silky,
a bouncy, high-stepping fool of an Af-
għan with a rangy style and muuy mud-
dy rivulets of reddish hair cascading
down him, His hair falls down from a
center part, down over his ears. This is
just the way all the girls wear their hair.
The house wakes up slowly, with Ben-
no puttering downstairs in his darkroom
(where he has, om the wall, a photo-
graph of his genitals— textured legs, for
емей acre around apple below acorn—
below a wall plaque reading, CHRIST OR
HEAVEN OR HELL), while upstairs
his curent chick, Gay, a British model
in for the weekend, takes a bath and
Angus sits at the large oak table in the
Kitchen, tappir Afr
eventually working up t0 some
rhythms with his eyes dosed, head bent.
Gay comes downstai loose cotton
robe that models her slim flanks, and she
ng. bare toes. When
ins forward, there is a pleasant
pression of the idea of her small.
well-shaped breasts, Benno enters, well
hung with cameras. “I broke a yearand-
half macrobiotic diet with a vanilla
milk shake and, like, passed out," says
agus.
Who can be a member of the fami-
ly" 1 ask. “Anybody,” says Hetty. "Rich-
ard Nixon isn’t, but he could be.
Angus says, "Like, in a very deep
»
guitar,
sense, irs a family by recognition, like
when Plato walked into the market place
and saw Sophodes and he recognized
him.”
The family and the world. The family
and the film people. Ann sighs “I
walked into the whole movie scene and I
was so naive, Im so used to living with
people who are up front, and the movie
people, you know, most of them are out
to get laid, they're out to make it, all
those terms, it’s another way of thinking.
But if you live in the family, it’s relaxed
and you don't have to defend yourself
nst all those things. You have to as-
sume that in the family, nobody's using
anybody, all that being used stuff that
your mother always said about sleeping
with boys.”
Liza, who lives wi
also has some thoughts about the film
people. She is a small blonde girl with
the bony beaked face of a German scien-
tist and the moral authority of a Pope,
absolving herself as she goes. “This movie
is going to make us look like very silly
people to the people of America,” she
says sternly.
Today, Benno and I drive to Miller-
ton, New York, for the filming of some
cyde-racing scenes. Like everything else,
Ray got into bike racing immoderately.
"Rays a sensualist,” Benno says. "He
doesn't do anything in moderation.”
At Millerton, ai the Milleiton Sua
bling Track, on a chilly New England
fall day, Arthur Penn is charging across
the rolling countryside amid the endless
buzzing of the bikes tuning up for speed
("You can't hear anything.” he laments,
and the ideas, the ideas that die а foot
and а half from me"). His cameraman,
Victor Kemper, is in a big black battery
belt, carrying a 35mm Arriflex on his
shoulder. Together they hustle around,
chasing for camera angles, as the bikes
careen and bump across the land. They
Hop down in the middle of the trad: and.
the pack rips past and now here comes
number 880. Penn takes a second look
nd the hair on the back of his neck rises
up: something about this driver tells him.
to get the hell out of there, and he does.
Number 880 is all by himself, last, the
rider tense and pressing hard into the
bike, as though he means to bring it to.
its knees. The chatter around me says
like, here he comes again, why does he
do that? and, well, that’s his ching, and,
see. that's the real Ray, who's always last.
Ray takes his crash helmet off between
kes and he is nothing like what I
expected. But Ann McCord has told me
that, well, in the past year, Ray has
maybe 15 years, he's
and he's exhausted. He wears the
shirt, a yellow T-shirt with a red tri
on it and the sign of infinity. He swings
а can of beer and horses around with the
LOLA is VERY боор
WITH BEGINNERS
more sprightly spoofings of the signs of our times
humor By DON ADDIS
AFTER You, MY DEAR
ALPHONSE
` um HERSCHEL... Y'KNOW, HERB,
1 JUST CANT МАКЕ iT You HAVENT CHAN
} GED A
WITH A рон. Guy Bit in FoRTY Years!
ID RECOGNIZE You
ANYWHERE, MR. HOLMES
PLEASE, HARRY... E
NoT So SOON М
AFTER WORK
WELL GET A RIDE QUICKER if
COULD | SEE SOMETHING You um ME Do THE THUMBING 1 NEVER. TRAVEL WITHOUT
IN A CLOSER. WEAVE? Ау SPARE
Q9 P
T>
PLAYBOY
196
kids, his body compact and hard. his
tousled black hair long and unruly; and
as he snorts and smokes and chulis and
rolls his eyes and laughs his special noise
—hnng-hnng—he holds his elbow
his body and is subject to body jerkiness,
a twitch that starts at the legs and jumps
to the hips, his body arching slightly
forward at the waist. His eyes are hung
deep in scraped settings, a piercing
washed-out blue, encased in opaque
flame, like holy relies, the eyes of a
burning man, He seems the perfect other
half to Alice; they are a pair of doom-
laden panthers, Ray is 37 or 38. He
a Czechoslovakia of faces, the footprint
of invaders stamped all over
Benno introduces me, I ask Ray why
he rides bikes. He emits his hnng-hnng
snuffe-chuffle laugh, sucked out of him,
it would seem, by great tamped agony.
“Why I ride bikes? Because a bike does
what you want it to.” His voice is tinny,
nasal, slightly Southern. His mouth tends
to hang slack during moments of con-
centi and his gapped teeth show
large in his face, whose features bear
the same relationship to Jimmy Broder-
ick’s that Alice's do to Pat Quinn's:
i but deprived.
y warns me, “you'd better
not ask me any questions: I don’t answer
my mind is kinda”
—he gestures—"goes this way and that.
Following the next take, Ray wanders
over toward Alice. She falls into his
arms. He hugs her and they banter,
exchanging derisive comments. From be-
hind, she puts her arms around his neck.
He reaches back and pats her rear. “This
feels like an ass I've felt before,” he says,
hnng-hnng. They press together а mo-
ment, enjoying the feel of familiar bodies,
and then Ray adds, "But that could be
almost anybody's.” She recedes from him,
not angrily (but she is not surprised,
either), and the threads sever and she
makes her way up the hill 10 the food
shack, in brown Gousers and long black
with fancy epaulets, in
ling into men's arms as she
though subject to a mysterious
ase. She hugs Benno. She
ph Pinto, a TRA bike rider.
She hugs Arlo. "She likes to turn. men
on,” sa a sexual thing.”
Much later, after a long night, much
drinking, much music, a very long rap,
everybody else has either gone ой to bed
or fallen asleep on couches or on the
floor and Ray is still rapping and only
Jimmy Jay and I are left to hear, and
both of us are nodding sleepily, as Ray
beats out the tattoo of his reality. "T
was born in Tidewater, West nia,”
he says slowly, “right on the tip of the
tidal waters, And the tide variation was
six feet. In the Bay of Fundy, it's forty
^ ] mention having been in an earth-
c in Mexico City and he says quickly.
“Well, I was in a hurricane, on both
sides and right in the middle of the eye.”
"Ill have gin on the rocks and, for my
friend, a plain water.”
I tell him I have gone up in the bell
tower of his church and he says, “The
bell was cast in 1835 in Holbrook, Massa-
chusetts, Most bells are in the key of A
or Afat.”
The music has died out and the fire
has gone out and the house is quiet. I sit
up. There are still a lot of things I want
to know, but I am very tired and as I
atch his face, weakened but deter-
d, I know he can go on all night
nd, in fact, must go on unless I go to
sleep. I have to marvel at his constitu-
tion. He's been known to drop and
smoke ten joints and drink lots of beer
all at the same time, and now, here he is
(7... cheesy soil that goes down some-
thing like sev he is
ng) so I stand to go and ask him
one direct question, which I figure I
deserve for going as far this way and
that with him as I have,
What are you going to do after the
film? I ask.
Alter the film? Hnng-hnng. Commit
ide.
sui
1 am sitting in Benno's kitchen, in the
midst of Arlos community
se of his other interests).
ing garlic; Hetty is making
alad in a soup tureen; the smell of
incense is in the air—999 Lord Krishna
Pujah Agarbatti—Arlo's sister is curled
up, reading Six Great Victorian Novel-
ists; the fire pit is blazing outside (Ray
having laid the bricks and started the
fire all by himself, while his new chick,
Leslie, a 21-year-old just out of Radcliffe,
walks about shy as a doe, delicately bare-
foot, in velvet pants and
coat). Somebody's baby
with Angus’ ecstatic drum playing; a
fourlayer cake has a black-eyed Susan
stuck in it; on the stove, a wood bowl is
full of honeycombs and the steak is cook-
ing and gu in the air. Very,
very American. But not, perhaps, of this
century.
And Arlo says, “The hippie doesn't
want the TV. Is that a rejection of the
TV?" Arlo thinks not, I think so. Yes, I
do, Arlo, think that is a rejection of the
TY.
What we have here is a generation
of well-educated, well-brought-up, well-off
people who have grown up not having
10 worry about survival, knowing they
can have anything they
what they want is the vast
they emit, the marriages that are full of
dry rot and. шаг, increasingly, collapse,
ritual hypocrisies. They can have it all,
and they want none of it.
“You cin get anything you want at
Alice's Restaurant,” Arlo sings. "You
can get anything you want at Alice's
Restaurant. Walk right in, it's around
the back, just a half 2 mile from the
railroad track. You can get anything you
want at Alice's Restaurant.”
They don't want our TV sets, friends,
and they ae not rejecting the TV set.
Hmm. They don't . . . hmm. Utmost
paradox with only one resolution;
stoned and think it out. So I do, and the
final scene of this scene is the scene of
my head turning.
The dialectic postulated in Peter
Weiss’ play Marat/Sade is the same ten
sion that exists between SDS radicals on
the one hand—who want to turn over
our system and take our place so they
m make a new bad system bec
somebody has to run things and they are
so driven they can't see beyond repro-
ducing those dismal failures, the French
nd Rusian Revolutions—and the new
young on the other hand, who are evolv-
ing through pot and psychedelics and
the new electronic technology, away
from Freud and the machine aye.
say you'll change the Constitution,” sing
the Beatles, “Well, you know we all want
to change your head. You tell me it’s the
institution, Well, vou know you better
free your mind instead.” The radical
activists are the same old noise, but the
others аге new, and, friends, they are
turning. Only from within is it posible
even to find them—and to know that
stay
а)
there is а very good chance that what we
are witnessing here is a major turning.
While our astronauts fly to the moon,
these other pioneers fly to a place of
altered perceptions and altered relations,
of altered being, of extreme presentness,
virtually without past or future. These
particular people I am involved with
may or may not be damaged (they are,
most of us are) and they may or may not
survive, but that is irrelevant, Alice and
Ray, and yesterday's flowers, it seems to
me, will nor survive their attempt 10 go
into a new orbit (their tension is the
unresolyable tension between control
and freedom), but that. doesn't: matte
either. I sit in Benno's kitchen and sub-
ject myself to a new bombardment of
sensory information I never knew I had
at my disposal. I am—different. The nor-
mal balance between intellectuality and
the experiencing apparatus is dramatical-
ly altered in favor of pure sensation. I
am shocked to discover how little auer
tion I normally pay to my body and its
capabilities, how, like a slave, I have
allowed myself to be auctioned away
fom my great family of emotions and
sensations. I go deeper, deeper. cleanse
myself, cry poison, see better, feel beter,
feel beloved. Feel well
o's
Today, I leave Benno's, hugging and
embracing everybody goodbye, elated
being able to express these warm emo-
tions so effortlessly, feeling weightless, a
skill I hope to take back with me: and
to New York
am stopped by a state troope
been warned that this has been happen-
ing to people associated with the film or
the family, and here 1 am, being minute-
ly scrutinized for signs of degeneracy by
this stern, dutiful agent of the old dying
blood family and the old sexual and
political morality. I am well into my
inaturity, mid-30s, my hair is not long: in
fact, it is slowly vanishing, and 1 am
polite and responsive, so there is an
пра. When it appears, finally, th
m not going to be arrested, I ask what
was that caused him to stop me in the
first place. There is a longish pause and
the trooper says, "You changed lanes
without signaling."
As I continue on toward the city, it
begins to dawn on me that the hovering
presence of police surveillance—even il,
in this particular case, it was no more
than a coincidence—weighs heavily on
1 the matters Гуе been t g about
The question of control amd freedom.
We have come as far as we have—ci
ation has—because of the iron cor
we have placed on ourselves, The.
and order of which we are so proud, and
the probity and the sex
which we are so comm
trols
aw
\
\
Fora revealing autographed phot
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its many manifestations. As we contin-
ued to exercise this contro] over our
selves, we inacasingly expanded our
control over our environment, extending
our dom n to nature itself; and now
we сш control so much that it is begin-
ning to appear as though truly there is
nothing we cannot accomplish, nothing
we cannot control. We have reached the
moon. And all that lies beyond is not
beyond our grasp. And so, possibly, the
time is approaching when we can lay
down our burden and, finally, nor have
to control ourselves at all, contro] noth-
ing and still not be frightened the way
our progenitors—poor dumb beasts—so
abjectly were.
Cultural expressions that push us
along at an a ed pace—Christian-
ity, say, or psychoanalysis, or psychedelics
€ their appearance at appropriate
times in our development, just as arma-
ments do for their particular wars, and
become ways of identifying the develop-
ment. The new young are deep into
mind expansion and electronics.
say they are ready to relinqu
(You can get anything vou w:
Alice's Restaurant"), and possibly they
are. Who knows? One of the few things
we cannot do for sure is st at the
k the sun.
horizon and hold ba
We look at them sorrowfully and say,
"t solve your problems that
We
"You c
hen what we really mean is,
can't solve our problems that way
as for them—who knows? They
ferent place. Their heads are
ferent place. Like all of us, they must do
their bit: they are evolutionary instru-
ments, way stations along the highway
leading out there.
Jonathan Edwards, the great Puritan
divine, lived in Stockbridge for seven
years, speaking as a missionary to the
Indians in the area, the painted hea-
thens. That was in the 1750s, He got the
Algonquin sitting around and listening
about control and law and order and so
forth, and he said, "Oh, sinners! Con-
sider the fearful danger you it is
a great furnace of wrath, a wide and
bottomless pit, full of the fire of wrath,
that you are held over in the hand of
that God, whose wrath is provoked and
incensed as much against you as against
many of the damned in hell. You hang
by a slender read with the flames of
divine wrath flashing about it . . ."
And the Indians said, "Oh, wow, wha
a trip.
And the Indians rose, one after anoth-
er, and sang, "You can get anything you
want at Alice’s Restaurant, You сап get
anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant.
Walk right in, it’s around the back, just
a half a mile from the railroad trad
You can get anything you want at Alice's
Restaurant,”
[У]
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW
(continued [vom page 100)
she got extra money from the manage-
ment for encouraging the patrons to
sample the booze. Of course, the more
booze they sold, the more she got paid.
Well, the Spitback Queen would sit
down at a table and the male patron,
thinking he was going to get to jump on
her later, would buy her a bottle of
champagne, or two or three. And she
would drink it, but the trick was that she
never swallowed it; she just let it dribble
back onto a napkin wrapped around the
glass, turned the bottle upside down and
said, “I think we need more champagne,
deary." On one fabulous night, she set
the world's spitback record—
of champagne dribbled out of 1
She was really beautiful. She
husband invited us over for Thanksgiving
dinner. I'll never forget that scene: all of
us sitting at the table, while their two
year-old kid was on the floor fighting with
the dog for а turkey bone. 1 said, “Aren't
you going to do anything about it?" She
said, “Hell, no. The kid usually wins,
anyway.
PLAYBOY. It’s a long way from Dreamy
Darnell and the Spitback Queen to net-
work television. How did you make t
leap?
ROWAN. Well, it was more of a crawl
than a leap. We were young, innocent
saloon those days; but as we
learned our business, we became mor
popular and began to earn more money;
but then we reached a plateau. It seemed
like we were wasting our time [
the same round of small clubs once or
twice a year, and 1 thought we had gone
as f we were going t0 go—which
wasn't quite far enough for me. 1 was
seriously thinking of going back into
the automobile business. А m lcd me
while I was on the road and olfered me
the general manager's job in his agency,
with good salary, lots of fringe bene-
fits and eventual part ownership of the
operation, 1 was very close to taking
because there I was, with a wife and
three children whom 1 rarely got to sce,
and very little money coming in.
MARTIN: 1 don't remember how much we
were making, but we had really leveled
off in salary. After we deducted road
expenses, hotel bills, food and clothes,
we still had to split what was left two
ways, and dit didn't leave much for
either of us. Naturally, it was a lot
rougher for Dan, with a family to sup-
port, but I was pretty unsatistied with
the progress we were making, too. We
couldn't even allord to fly to our book-
ings; we used to load everything in a car
and drive there, But then we got our
first big break, when Walter Winchell
saw us at the Lucerne Hotel in Miami
Beach.
tors
fg
-uyo 0080-03
number of my tribesmen subscribe to
the theory that some people are better than others.
Personally, I think it’s the way you cook ‘em. .
ROWAN: We moved
Sands Hotel, the Coconut Grove
nto places like the
id the
Copacabana when he started publicizing
us in his column, and the national atten-
tion pushed us into a higher income
t turned ош to be just
a to pall, just
bracket. But th
another plateau that beg:
like the first one had,
MARTIN: We were put under contract to
Universal and NBC in 1956 and we did
some pretty big guest shots on television,
but then we began to level off again. It's
pretty discouraging when you reach a
point and find you can't break through
the next barrier. Some people spend 20
wears in show business without moving
an inch, but I couldn't live without
progress. 1 started looking lor additional
work on my own and ended up playing
Lucille Ball's bovfriend оп The Lucy
Show for 11 weeks, Then I a film
with Doris Day and Rod Taylor called
The Glass Bottom Boat, but these things
never interfered with our act and we
were as much a team as ever. I was just
trying to find some fulfillment as an
actor.
PLAYBOY: Why couldnt you find that
fulfillment as a night-club comedian?
MARTIN: Let me tell you, working night
clubs is the hardest business in the
world. Every night at eight
you've got to go out onto a sta
spend an hour trying to com
audience that you're funny. Let's assume
you do—you go out there and knock
them on their asses; you've still gor to go
out there again and do the same thing
for a midnight show. People also assume
thar being on the road is all booze and
broads, but it's not that way at all, It's a
very, very lonely lile.
PLAYBOY; Why didn't you stop tour
you felt th ?
o'clock,
е and
се an
We were in Montreal
playing the Queen Elizabeth hotel for
the fourth time, and it w i
prospect to think that we'd be back there
the next year and the year after that. We
were just waiting around for something
to happen, indulging ourselves in mental
masturbation
ROWAN: Th:
MARTIN: Anyway, we weren't gettin;
where. 1 remember the Monday n
we were supposed to open there; it was
cold. about nine above zero; there were
no ladies, no other acts in town and
no show business to speak of. I said to
myself, "This is the last week you're
going to spend looking out a hotel win
dow.” We couldn't increase our status in
"mental" not mutual.
any-
199
the business by playing Milwaukee or
Cleveland or Montreal, so we talked it
over, realigned our thinking and decided
to do a Las Vegas act. Had we been
there in the first place—closer to the
ig production centers—we could have
played a club date for just as much
money and done three television guest
shots in Los Angeles as well. After we
started working the Riviera lounge for
three or four months a year, we were
booked for the Dean Martin Summer
Show, which took us out of the lounges
ıd into the main rooms as headliners,
And believe me, headlining in Las Vegas
жаз a great improvement over most of
our earlier engagements.
But things were still rough now and
We were once booked as headliners
at the Muehlebach Hotel, in Kansas
making good money and pretty
ablished the business. During
our second show one night, there was a
table of very drunk people who were
yelling so loud that we couldn't con-
nue our act. We asked them to shut
up, but they kept right on yelling. We
told the maitre de to get them out, but
he wouldn't do anything about it. So
we figured, "What the hell? If they
don't care, we don't care Dan asked
the band for a drum roll and we told
the audience, "We'd now like to do
our impression of the hundred-yard dash
at the Olympic games.” We got down
on onc knee, the drums rolled and we
dashed through the audience, out the
door, up to our room, and never went
back. You don't have that kind of trouble
in Las Vegas. If someone gets that boister-
ous, they're told 10 shut up or get out,
They don't let one table louse up a show
for 400 people.
PLAYBOY: The fact that vou managed to
stay together through dificult times
PLAYBOY
scems to indicate something more than a
good professional rapport. Have you ever
lad any personality conflicts?
ROWAN: Dick and I are very different and
very independent, but I think we'd be a
pretty bland combination if we hadn't.
Spending 17 years with another person
an be awfully rough when you don't
have sex going for vou. But we've never
really come close to breaking up the act
over an argument We've had some
strong differences of opinion, but I think
that when two people are very close,
they're more likely to have a real gut-
churning argument than if the relation-
ship were more casual. I don't think you
can haye a very deep relationship and
not experience highs and lows together.
Someone once heard us shouting at each
other in the hall at NBC and started the
word around, “That's it, The partner-
ship is over.” In fact, people from all
over the world are constantly calling to
ask if there's any truth to the rumor that
we're splitting up. It used to bother me,
until I Jearned that the same thing hap-
200 pened to Abbot and Costello and.
rel and Hardy. I'm sure Martin Landau
and Barbara Bain go through the same
thing. People just like to assume that we
don't get along. Why, I don't know, but
it’s not true.
MARTIN: Well, it's not entirely true.
ROWAN: It isn't even. Г true.
т as I'm concerned,
exactly half true.
ROWAN: That's because you've only got
half а brain.
MARTIN: "That's an anatomic impossibility.
ROWAN: You're an anatomic impossibility,
MARTIN: Well, I've bought my last used
car from you.
ROWAN: As you can see, we're both ra-
tional people, with a deep mutual re-
spect for each other, and I don't think
we could have stayed together for 17
years without some real affinity. Of
Course, now it woukl be silly to stop
what we're doing, because we've got
some pretty sound. economic reasons to
stay together, but I really can’t imagine
the kind of argument it would take to
split us up. If he does something to
upset me, I just put up with it, because I
remember all the shit he’s taken from
me.
MARTIN: Another reason there's been so
little friction between us is that we don't
it’s
have very much contact outside of our
g relationship. We let business.
wor
men take care of our business and we've
never chased the same ladies, so there
are no problems there, E think the real
friction in a team occurs when you
around together 24 hours a day. Then
you can really get on someone's nerves.
For example, Martin and Lewis were
very dose when they started—a kind of
big brother-litle brother relationship:
but I suppose that after nine or ten
s, il got to be a real pain in the ass
for them, Dan and I never allowed that
то happen. When we're finished working,
he goes off with his wife and I go ош
we may go for two or
three months without seeing each other
socially. So we have avoided friction by
avoiding that false, dinging closeness,
We have no need for it. We're well
aware of the advantages and disady
tages of bi vantage is
having someone to talk to in a strange
town, and the disadvantage is having to
split the money two
PLAYBOY: One major difference in your
personalities—the one most often cited
the way you approach your work,
Dan, you're reputed to be a cautious,
carefully rehearsed performer and, Dick,
you've been described as a cavalier ad
artist who'd prefer to improvise every
thing you do. Are these accurate descrip-
tions?
ROWAN: It’s a curious thing about pcople
in show business. You would assume
that anyone who's successful at what he's
doing would at least have some coi
fidence in his ability. But Red Skelton
who rarely fails to get а standing ovation
when he makes a personal appearance, is
so nervous before he goes on that he gets
violently ill and vomits in the wings.
Here's a guy who's never failed to make
people laugh and yet he's terribly inse-
cure about it. I don't get that nervous,
but l've never really been confident
abont performing. While I'm working.
I'm always concerned about what I'm
doing or what I'm not doing and then.
when I look at the video tape, I see
something that could have been donc
better and wish I could do it over. Dick
is much more confident. Last season,
when we'd finish a readthrough or a
run-through, Dick would flip on his golf
it and take off for the course. I'd go sit
in my office and worry about the produc
tion aspects of the show.
MARTIN: 1 have по insecurities about act-
ing at all. I enjoy it and I usually
manage to have a whole lot of fun doi
it. That doesn't make me a good actor.
but it saves a lot of perspiration. When I
hear that a big actor vomits in the wings
before a performance. I just wonder why
he'd want to subject himself to chat. Hf 1
felt that way, l'd get into some other
business.
ROWAN: What else could you do?
MARTIN: I could always go back to selling
reconditioned ping pong balls. Actually,
as far as my work habits are concerned,
I'd prefer to work the way Dean Martin
does. He proved that you don't have to
spend most of your time e studio
and the vest of your time in an office. He
probably can't сусп find his office. He
a lot of trouble finding his house. So
who's to say he's wrong? His ratings are
very big and I doubt that he could do a
better show, even if he spent hours meet-
g with writers, directors and. producers.
In the earlier days of television. people
like Dinah Shore and Perry Como did
very slick, wellrehearsed variety shows.
Thev'd do whole sections over for one
minor flaw. But I think that today, audi:
ences like to see mistakes made, to know
that a performer is human. Johnny Car-
son and Joey Bishop are so popular
because they're natural Dean Martin
never tries to hide the fact that he's
reading cue cards. А casual approach
may change the tenor of the business,
but it doesn't necessarily affect the quality.
PLAYBOY: Since you choose to rehearse as
little as possible, what do you do with
your time?
MARTIN: Actually, all I do is play golf and
chase ladies.
PLAYBOY: Is that very time-consuming?
MARTIN: Well, the golf isn't, but chasing
ladies is a bitch. When we were on the
road, it was somewhat easier. I had
trained Dan's poodle to walk into the
girls’ dressing room when we worked
places that had a chorus line, and the dog
would generally come out followed by
two or three briefly costumed ladies
They'd say, “Oooh, is that your dog?"
and I'd immediately go for the throar—
JACK DANIELS DUCKS have found a quiet home in the Hollow.
Every so often we see signs chat chey intend co stay.
The good supply of grain and water they've found
in the Hollow keeps our ducks well-fed. They've
also gotten used to our way of life. You see, we're
still making whiskey the way i
Jack Daniel did. And that calls
; CHARCOAL
for Charcoal Mellowing, a MELLOWED
б
HEA process that takes too much peor
time and patience for much bustling around.
BY DROP
Things are so comfortable for them, we're not
surprised our duck population is increasing.
M
© 1969, Jack Daniel Distillery, Lem Motlow, Prop., Inc.
TENNESSEE WHISKEY + 90 PROOF BY CHOICE + DISTILLED AND BOTTLED BY JACK DANIEL DISTILLERY + LYNCHBURG (POP. 384), TENN. 15
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or perhaps a litle lower. 1 did the same
thing with Dan's son, Tommy, who was
about six or seven at the time. I figured
the girls wouldn't scream if a little boy
walked into their dressing room. In fact.
most of these girls wouldn't scream if
the Los Angeles Rams walked in. Well.
the ones who didn't try to nail Tommy
themselves would generally say, "How
cute, Whose little boy are you?” and I
could depend on him to come up with
a tall blonde for me. If you can't make
it with the help of dogs and kids, you're
really in trouble.
ROWAN: Of course, he didn’t care what
ellecc this would have on my dog and my
son. The dog came down with chorus-girl
colic and had to be inoculated with
saltpeter, but he still went around hump
ing radiators, My son finally turned out
all right, though, and 1 ve to admit
that he never had a pimple during
puberty.
PLAYBOY: Dick, do you think your tcle-
vision success has made you more attrac
rive to girls?
MARTIN: Well, I've never really һай very
much trouble finding them, so it's hard
to say. Actually, regardless of who you are,
if you're stuck in Louisville, Kentucky,
on a Thursday night, you're not very
likely to score. But in familiar surround-
ings, if you have a certain joie de vivre,
you're bound to do all right, Then. too,
there's been a delightful kind of sexual
freedom going around the past few years.
1 don't know where you'd go to vote for
ic but IA cast my ballot,
PLAYBOY: Where do you generally go with
a date?
MARTIN: As
rds?
as humanly possible, Ac
ally, T just like to laugh and have fun
and then get on with it. I have а very
е house, which 1 use 10 the best of my
ty; and when I make a date, 1
Hy just tell the girl to jump in ha
and get over there. 1 figure, if women
want 10 be equal and | think they
should be, then there's no reason for me
to pick her up and drop her ой
PLAYBOY: Would you describe your house?
MARTIN: It's in the hills above Sunset
Strip and every room has а view. There
are two dens, a. pool table in the living
room, a kitchen, d's room and, of
course, the master bedroom suite with a
steam bath, and а small swimming pool
My next project is to build a beach
house at Malibu, because I can think of
nothing nicer than to sit holding hands
with a nice lady and listen to the pound:
ing of the surf.
ROWAN: You're more likely to he:
pounding of the police at the door.
MARTIN: So far, so good. I've lived in my
present house for a year or a year and
a half, and its been delightful. The
aunosphere is very pleasant; we can
shoot pool, take a little dip or have a
steam bath,
PLAYBOY: Is that your usual routine when
you've a female guest in your home?
the
MARTIN: Yes, but not necessarily that
order. I always say that а nice girl is a
clean girl, so 1 usually run them through
the steam bath first.
PLAYBOY: Once they've been steamed, is
there anything you do to heighten the
excitement?
MARTIN: Well. sometimes I open the win-
dow. Seriously, though, it’s always be
my opinion that the excitement involved
in sex is 90 percent psychological. so
you've either got someone who turns you
on mentally or physically or else you've
got a dud. If you have a dud. you just
Kick yourself and wish you could push a
button and make her disappear. But if
you've got the right girl. you don't have
to get drunk or smoke pot to get tumed
on sexually. In fact, there's. nothing
worse than a drunken lady. I found that
out when I was а bartender. А man
in the hands of some women should һе
classified along with switchblades and
guns as a lethal weapon. One lady threw
a beer boule at my head because 1
wouldn't meet her after work. I'd rather.
let а girl smoke the drapes than ply her
with drinks.
PLAYBOY: Haye you ever smoked the
drapes?
MARTIN: I have a saying: “I don't want to
die wondering,” so there's very little T
haven't done. H we're talking about. pot,
I think it’s time we admitted. that it’s
only a relaxing agent and not a narcotic.
I'd rather have a guy driving down the
freeway who just smoked a joint tl
a guy who just drank ten martinis, Fur-
thermore, I think it’s stupid to throw a
guy in jail for possessing mariju:
expose him to the worst kinds of cri
nality and perversions.
PLAYBOY: When you say that there's very
little you haven't done, сш we assume
that you've attended some of the legend-
y Hollywood wifeswapping parties and
MARTIN: There seems to be an outcop-
ping of wife swapping in the Valley. but
ГШ be damned if I'm going to get ma
ied just to have a wile to swap: Td
just watch. What this ching reall
is a bunch of guys with ugly wives or
couples who are really tired of each other.
‘They all get together and jump on each
other. I get the feeling that if L really
went to one of those things, Td have the
only good-looking girl there and everyone
would pile up on her. As far as the orgies
go, I've been to а lot of Hollywood р:
ies and everyone just sits around and
watches movies. We had а comic orgy at
Buddy Hacket's one night, everyone
screaming and laughing, but I can't im-
agine all those people taking their clothes
off and rolling around on the floor. There
must be orgies someplace, but it seems to
be a wellkept secret. But speaking of ta
ing off your clothes and rolling around on
the floor, do you remember when my
aunt was in court after the police busted
those 16 Weight-Watching tugboat сар-
tains at the nudist colony she was visiting
for the networks?
ROWAN: How could I forged?
MARTIN: Well, do you know what she s;
when she tried to explain to the judge
why her pet chicken attacked the arrest:
ing olhcer?
ROWAN: ] can hardly wait to he
MARTIN: Thats not what she said.
ROWAN: Where were we?
MARTIN: Rolling around on the floor.
ROWAN: Oh. yes. I went to some Holly.
wood parties in my younger days, but
they were pie m being orgies. 1
found them quite interesting, but not
very exciting. I don't go very often am
more, because. having achieved success in
television, I tend to be a little suspicious
of new friends. I don’t want to surround
myself with people who aren't interested
in me as a person, peop!e who just
to bask in the glory of a celebrity, Ther
100. there are people who just come
along for the free food and booze. I
prefer having a few close friends and
staying out of the party thing.
PLAYBOY: What do you do for relaxation?
ROWAN: Well, I like to sail, play tennis
and waterski. Im not a fanatic about
skindiving. but I like to swim around in
the water with a mask. snorkel and fins
10 visit our underwater friends.
MARTIN: Lloyd Bridges?
ROWAN: No, but I've been
awful lot of Flipper lately
lying in the sun; 1 like 10 read;
ike ıo be alone with my wile for long
periods of
PLAYBOY: How long have you been
i
far fre
ROWAN: Oh, on and off for 16 or 17
years. I first got interested in it when
Dick and 1 were playing the San Dicgo
ea. My son or Dick and I used to take
out a lite catrigged boat from the
Coronado Hotel down there: that's how
started. I sailed any boat 1 could get
my hands on after that; but the oppor
tunities were rather infrequent, so 1
bought my own boat three years ago and
haven't stopped sailing since. Tt really
blows my mind. I like everything about
it—even the hard work. It's a lot of
trouble to sail a boat, but I'm not too
fascinated by the thought of simply turn-
y a key. pressing a starter and ridi
around on the water in y, vibr:
noxious-smelling power yacht. I'd much
choose a boat with care, get the
s up and depend entirely on my
nowledge, my ability and the elements.
Ir calms me; it soothes me: it's a mystical
thing, I even find myself able to think
berter. When I drop the mooring line,
I immediately begin to feel the pressures
nd strains easing and I start to become
someone else. Lm much easier 10 get
along with on water than I am on land.
PLAYBOY: Does your wife share your inter-
ests?
ROWAN: Adrianna and I are well suited to
each other. We have practically every
thing in common and she gocs with me
wherever I go. Of course, we have no
children of our own, which makes it a
little easier for both of us. My first wife
ad 1 didn't have very much in common
at all. She wasn’t show-business oriented
1 she liked our life much better when
T was a man of commerce in the auto-
iobile business than when I was a gypsy
noi:
“It’s from my father writing from the college
where he teaches, asking for money."
203
PLAYBOY
204
on the road. She didn't like tra
that way and she didn't want to
Kids out of school, so she much preferred
to stay home. The few times she did come
with me, she got sick of it and left before
the engagement was over. It wasn't a very
good marriage in the first place, but
even a good marriage would have had
trouble surviving those long absences.
PLAYBOY: Dick, do you ever consider get-
ting married?
MARTIN: I belong to Bridcgrooms Anony-
mous. Whenever I feel like getting mar-
vied, they send over а lady in a housecoat
and hair curlers to burn my toast for
me. I really have nothing against mar-
riage, except the fact that it doesn’t seem
to work. 1 ly have а family —an 11-
year-old son and a very nice ex-wife—:
mmediate plans to s
other. Just look at the number of Cal
marriages that end in
wouldn't bet those odds im Las Vegas.
There arc a lot of nice ladies around, so
1 prefer 10 just keep looking for someone
with whom I can shi things. l'm not
about to settle down with a girl just be-
cause I may be lonely sometime in the
future.
PLAYBOY: Can either of you sce any advan-
tages to [amily Ше?
ROWAN: Of course, there are advantages to
nily life. But I think its time lor
modern society to realize that we've
created some romantic family fantasies
that young people can't accept anymore.
Parents can no longer expect youth to
obey simply be vs the p
prerogative to command. Youth dem
I
getting them. The drunken. parent advis-
ing his kids against the use of pot; the
adulterous parent eupher i
ing sex with the
becs; the sofflaw paren
kids for disobedience at school
lent parent objecting to ca
тап
modes
understanding aren't going 10 begi
the home, they will never succeed in the
larger units of society.
PLAYBOY: Would yout like to sce your own
children adopt any particular life style?
ROWAN: | don't know what I'd want them
to be other than gentle people who don't
bruise anybody. I'd also like vo think diac
npus mili-
ies of the
nd
if they had the ability or the means to
lp somebody, they'd do it, not beci
we
s a socially acceptable thing to do but
because its the right thing to do. Aqu-
ally, I wish the same things for them that
I wish for all kids: that they uy to be
a bit more patient and understanding of
us old folks.
PLAYBOY: Having struggled so long your-
selvi
missed?
1 definitely want to provide my
h a college education, but 1 have
no desire to make him a wealthy young
snot. No one gave me anything in my
life, and I had to work for everything T
got. He can do the same. Some people
seem to think that Dan and I were
overnight success, but we put in 17 years
working week after week and often for
relatively litle money. I think everybody's
got to pay his dues; we did.
“You get that true sports-car feeling,
yet there's plenty of room back there in the
trunk for the wife and kiddies.”
PLAYBOY: Those years are now pa
well for both of you. Has telev
cess changed. your lives much?
ROWAN: Has it ever! It seems like 20
псу ago, 1 would have been lucky to
hamburger and а beer, but now I've
tremendous Spanish hacienda
a swimming pool and a tennis court. The
house also has a five-car garage and 1 use
every space, I own two Mercedes, а Cor
vette, а Thunderbird and a Ford station
wagon. Now Fm building a Tahitian
style and house on the Florida Gulf
coast with a great view of one of the
world’s prettiest beaches. Гуе also got a
wife with a fine talent for spending
money, but it's always а pleasure spend-
ing it on her.
MARTIN: We were making pretty good
before, but Laugh-In pushed us
to an income bracket that’
ng off
ion suc
I've got very si
small, onc of our sponsor
id T have no desire to
Air or drivc а Rolls. When I was a bar
tender, І was making only 5130 a week,
but I had a nice car, a comfortable apart-
ment and a lot of nice ladies. Those аге
still the only things I really require.
Now, I invest a lot of moncy in r
estate, so if things start going bad!
lor
us, 1 can just move into one of my own
apariments.
ROWAN: If I had to step out of tele
ion
today, Id be broke tomorrow, It's а
financed, pottery empire bı
on the
sell everything; and in six months, I'd
be scrambling for a job somewhere. But
Je been poor and busted before. Being
п, 1 became proud and fiercely
independent as а child. Jt taught me sell-
reliance and gave me а lot of confidence
п my own ability to provide for myself.
Consequently, whenever I became dis-
isfied with a job, I'd just walk away
from it and never had any doubts about
my ability to find something else. I feel
now. There are many other
like to do.
PLAYBOY: Having completed The Maltese
n April, are you looking forward
ng other films?
‘The ideal situation for anyone
coming off a successful television series is
couple of piaures r. It
shouldn't take more than three months
to make a film, so it would be a pretty
nice program to work six months and rest
ix month:
PLAYBOY: Most films take considerably
longer than three months, but The Mal.
tese Bippy was shot in ten weeks. How
did you manage
MARTIN: It was actually shot in 35 days
on a $2,500,000 budget. We had five
cutters working day and night on the
rushes, so by the time we were finished
shooting, they were finished cutting. That
saved another four months of production
Гле computer
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Much of the Spotmatic’s success is due to its
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PLAYBOY
206 think if I'm going to do the matcria
time. Not only that but Nelson Riddle
scored it from a script, so I think there
were only about three wecks between the
time we finished the film and the night
we premiered it. If we had shot the film
normally, it wouldn't have been released
until Christmas. As it is, you'll probably
see it on The Late Show by Christmas.
PLAYBOY: Incidentally, how would you
define bippy?
MARTIN: 15 a small bip.
PLAYBOY: Thanks for enlightening us. Get-
ting back to the film, do vou think The
Maltese Bippy could have been better if
you had spent more time on it?
don't t
ly competent people working on it and w
found we could shoot up to seven or eight
s 20 years a
‚ they'd throw
arty. The beauty of this film is th
and I aren't just playing ourselve:
We've kind of reversed our traditional
roles, so that he's the con man who falls
through the пар door and I'm the guy
who gets the the end.
PLAYBOY: Why wasn't your first fi
upon a Horse, more successful?
ROWAN: [t was a success in many respects,
but a lot of mistakes were made. Ther
m, Once
too, if we were to make the same film to-
day, it would be more successful than it
was then. Don't forget, that was 12 years
ago. We were the stars of the picture,
Dut most of the public didn't know who
we were, Universal had originally alloued
а large budget for promotion; but just
before its scheduled release, they һай some
management problems at the studio and
it was released without fanfare. There
was one fullpage ad in Variety, but no
radio promotion or newspaper publicity
to speak of. Some pictures are good
enough to make it in spite of that, bur
Ours Wasn't strong enough. On the other
hand, pictures that have been а damn
sight worse than ours made it solely on
the basis of their promotion and publici
PLAYBOY: What films will you bc m
in the future
ROWAN. We've already contracted with
MGM то do The Money Game next
year; it'll be a comedy based on the
world of stocks and bonds. We've talked.
about a couple of properties for a fourth
film, but our deal with MGM isn't exclu-
sive, so we can make pictures elsewhere.
We're newcomers to this business and
we're just hoping that other producers
who see The Maltese Bippy will be
tracted to either or both of us as screen
tors. Hopefully, they'll be bright, fun-
ny people with funny ideas, in м
case, we'd be happy to set up some kind
of participation deal. Since we're making
à lot of money, we don't have to worry
about financing, so we're really just in-
terested i g the right properties.
After The Maltese Bippy, 1 know 1 will
never again sign to do a film without
having read and approved the script. 1
1, 1
should be allowed to judg
hand. The publicist may say,
this is a good idea.” Our mana
lawyers may all agree: but if. in the back
of our minds, we think there's something
wrong with the idea, we've got to be able
10 say, "No, we won't do it After
these are our careers and it’s upon these
kinds of decisions that they may rise or
fall. Any artist is making а big mistake it
he puts himself completely
of somcone chc. So whatever we do in
films in the future will be based on our
own decisior
PLAYBOY: Aside from your interest in
films, do you have any other carcer p
like 10 develop when you
through with Zaugh-Inz
ROWAN: Well, when you're look ad
to doing another 26 television shows,
you really don't have much time left to
speculate about what's going 10 happen
film
There's а
yond that, I ›
ness. You spend
real paradox in this bu:
your whole career working toward a goal
nd you never really wonder about what
youre going to do if you ex ich it
Do you stop running and end the rac
No, vou can't, because you find out that
the speed accelerates after vou reach the
goal, No mauer how hard you ran to pet
there, you have to run ten times as fast
to stay there. Fred Allen wrote a book
called Treadmill to Oblivion, and that's
just the way it feel
wx. 1 meet people I went to
and some of these guy
s older than I do,
just isn’t there
т lives. People are inclined to [all
to tight little grooves: you do the same
your vacation every
the same time, in the same р
iy be a tranquil sor of life, and.
it seems to be all right lor some folks,
but not for me.
MARTIN: I myself have no urge to be an
actor for the rest of my life, and I thir
Dan and I are lucky to have a foot
many doors. We've been successful
night clubs, on television and now, hope-
fully, in films, so we're not stuck in one
medium. One thing I'd really like to do
is directo be able to say something
through film.
school w
look 15 or
20 уе
thi
PLAYBOY: When will you consider your
careers finished?
MARTIN: The way I feel now. I've already
accomplished more than I ever expected
to in this business and I have no burn-
ing desire to advance my career any
further. I mean, how far are we going to
go?
ROWAN: I fee] just about the same w
We've been given great reviews by the
awards [rom ot industry and
s from the publ
very good marriage, good health and
not commited to the idea of dying in
harnes. Unlike some people in show
business, I don't plan to kick off on the
ше. Vm still a relatively young man
nd Fd like to have maybe 15 years
when Fm through with show business
just to look and listen and [cel and taste
everything. I don't know yet when ГЇЇ
quit, but I suppose it will come when I
start worrying about how gray my hair
getting or. as Jackie Cooper once said.
when T ed of holding my belly
When thar time comes, I'd like to know
that I'm financially secure. Td also like
to feel that Гус made my mark on Amer-
ican show business—that I entertained
people. But more than that, I'd like to
know that Гуе done some good for some-
one else Ir's а nice thing to do a sketch
about the situation in Biafra and then
find out that something's been done to
help the starving children there because
of it. Those are the achievements that 1
think are worth while.
MARTIN: I don't think I've ever heard a
thought more eloquently expressed —
with one possible exception.
= And what might that be?
The time aunt was hauled
into court after being busted. You re-
member, she was in the paddy wagon
with the survey and the television net-
works and thc «lists and the sauna
bath and the Flying Nun and the Mer-
recal and the chicken and the arresting
officer.
ROWAN: All that wouldn't fit into a pad-
dy wagon.
MARTIN: Well, I should hope not. Actual-
ly. the nude tugboat captains were run-
ning alongside, Hailing themselves with
shredded wheat, while the cop was using
the sauna bath to send smoke signals to
nd. In the meantime, the Flying
Nun was caught in a holding pattern
over Lourdes and my aunt just sat there
making daisy chains out of handcuffs.
I hate to ask, but who was
>
The chicken. Who с? You
should have heard my aunt explain that
to the judge. Any the clerk read the
indictment against her—unlawlul per-
malicious dicting, illegal usc of
sporting 16 tugboat
e lines for immoral
сар!
purposes, a disorderly sauna
ba g to the delinquen
cy of a barnyard fowl. Well, when my
aunt heard that, she just threw off her
WELCOME TO ATLANTIC CITY comforter,
muttered a few obscene sampler mottoes,
burned her D. A. R. card, tossed her cook-
ies—chocolate macaroons—at the bailiff
aud, you're not going to believe this,
climbed up onto the judge's bench and
shouted at the top of her lungs
ROWAN: It looks like we've run out of
tape. You'd better just say good night,
Dick.
MARTIN: Good night
Dick.
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PLAYBOY
208
PLAYBOY FORUM continued iron page 80)
information in am individual's file, the
More than once, I have scen а favorable
report written up on a person who was
dec cinsurance applications are
sometimes handled without anyone seeing
the house in question; the only sources
of information are the individual's old
file and a photograph of a house that
fits the description on the application.
Morals are a big concern of the under-
iting departments of insurance com-
and investigators are instructed
nd the like.
The insurance company has nothing
to go on but the investigator's report.
Regarding the instances described in
your Newsfront item, the photographer
whose art works were described as porno-
graphic may have been reported by
someone who desperately needed unfa-
vorable information to meet his quota.
The man who was told “your house is
filthy” was probably rejected on the а
sumption that if his house looked
uncuedfor, his car would probably be
neglected, too. The third case of "unfavor-
able concerning personal
liabits" sounds to me like the work of an
investigator who felt he needed а morals
turndown to meet his monthly quota.
(Name and address
withheld by request)
POSTAL SNOOPING
Over a year ago, I rented а postoffice
box, thinking that this guaranteed priva-
cy. 1 placed an ad in the local under-
ground newspaper stating, in essence,
"Cay guy seeks to meet other gay guys.”
Soon afterward, 1 was called in by my
employer and informed that he knew of
my action. Apparently, the local police
department watches these ads and then
obtains the name of the ad placer from
the post office. The employer is then
informed.
I'm curious as to why the U.S. Post
Ollice should routinely be able to pro-
vide this information for law-enforce-
ment officials. I feel this data should be
confidential, unless the police officer in
question can provide a court order.
(Name and address
withheld by request)
SHAME AT NOTRE DAME
I must object to James E. Meuger's
account of Notre Dame's pornographic-
film fracas (The Playboy Forum, Junc).
In covering this event for the student
radio station and for U. P. L, 1 found some
slightly different facts, later substantiated
by a three-month tripartite investigation
of the disturbance.
This is what happened: A student-
government group sponsoring an academic
conference on pornography and censor-
ship discovered that the student responsi-
ble for organizing the film portion had
slipped in a film adjudicated porno-
graphic by the New York State Supreme
Court, and other films that were ques-
tionable. Not wanting to get involved in
а legal hassle, they canceled the films on
their own, without pressure from the
for legal good measure). А small group
of activists then announced plans to defy
the will of the university community and
show the pornographic film anyway, with
full knowledge that police were present
and would have to confiscate the movie
because of a complaint filed by the local
Citizens for Decent Literature. Police
tactics were unduly harsh, of course, but
that is not the issue, The univer
munity, including a majority ol students,
did not want to force a confrontation.
An academic conference on pornography
should bc able to view a porno;
film in an academic atmosphere:
but
when the county prosecutor objects, the
place to fight him is in the courts. As it
turned out, no one was prosecuted.
(Some credit for this must go to the un
stration, which also a
tempted to discourage the original entry
of police onto the campus.)
After four years at Notre Dame, Гуе
come to view it as an example of liberal
rationality. The university's president,
Father Theodore Hesburgh, has risked
alumni scorn to guarantee academic and
personal freedom. Students sit on rule-
making bodies, student coi dle dis-
dpline and dorm visits by women are
legal. The school answers to no governor
or legislature and the power is all on
a some distant board.
th effective means of redress
of grievances (and many changes are still
overdue), IND's widely publicized policy of
suspending students who “substitute force
for rational persuasion" is only logical
(and won the support of over 70 percent
of the students in a campus poll), Nowe
Dame now has something more to be
proud of than its football tc
Bob Franken
Notre Dame, Indiana
Mr. Metzger replies:
1 acknowledge Mr. Franken's more
detailed description of the fracas,
written four months later than mine
and with more facts available. How-
euer, even with this advantage, he
seems to be oblivious to the overbear-
ing pressures the administration offi-
cials and civil authorities mounted
against student organizers for cancel-
lation of the controversial films,
pressures that culminated in a letter
from university president Theodore
Hesburgh unequivocally canceling all
films thusly: “I . . . direct you and
your committee to discontinue sho;
ing ony and all films for the . . .
conference.”
Franken also statcs that when a
county prosccutor objects to our exer-
cie of academic freedom, we should
take the fight to the courts. I tend to
agree, however, with a decision of the
United States Court of Appeals for
this district in “Metzger vs. Penicy”
(coincidentally), from which I quote:
“Law-en forcement officers cannot sc
allegedly obscene publications with-
ош a prior adversary proceeding on
the issue of obscenity. Such a seizure
violates the First Amendment of the
Constitution of the United States,
and is a prior restraint condemned
by the Supreme Court, .. .” If the
county prosecutor objects to a film,
let him fight it through proper court
procedures, not in a highhanded po-
lice vaid that even his dejenders ad-
mit was “unduly harsh."
The university officials had com-
plete forcknowledge of the raid but
somehow saw fit to give only lip serv-
icr to academic freedom and token
opposition to such an invasion.
MENTAL CHASTITY BELTS
"The current California legislature has
announced that new bills defining and
restricting pornography (whatever that
may be) are high on its new agenda.
While it thus engages itself in [ashion-
g chastity belts for our minds, we
ordinary citizens are in dire peril if we
venture after dark to find our cars in the
parking lot where we work, or wait for а
street bus that runs once cach hour or
a twilight stroll to the grocer's
we really need, in short, is govern-
ment issue of fire extinguishers and bul.
leıprool clothing.
Nero fiddled wi
Rome burned. Our
legislators preoccupy themselves w
sexual titillation while the radio bkires
Happiness Is a Warm Cun, some leftist
periodicals urge marches on Washington,
some right-wingers overtly promote s
10 our race
hed cities die of
n, insurrection and corruption.
Helene Vaughn
los Angeles, Ca
cide as à workable solutioi
problem and our angi
pollu
fornia
JERSEY JUSTICE
1 was released last October from the
New Jersey State Prison, after having
served 28 months. My offense? 1 had
taken nude pictures of а 36-year-old
woman in a professional-photography
studio I owned and operated; using a
self-timer on the camera, I had stepped
into some of the poses. Even though this
was done in private with a consenting
adult, the Jaw calls it a crime. For posing
in the pictures 1 myself had taken, 1
violated the law against "private lewd-
ness and carnal indecency,” which carries
“You defy the establishment your
way—l'll do it mine!”
209
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a prison term of three years. But there
was more. I showed the woman the pic-
tures in which she had posed and thus
ran afoul of a law against "possession of
pornography with intent to expose it to
the view of another
At first, I expected to sce the charges
against me dropped because the evidence
had been obtained by an illegal search.
"When this issue was raised, the police
resorted to perjury in the Somerset Coi
courtroom. I received three years on
count, the sentences to run. consecutively
—a total of six years in prison for a little
harmless recication.
Two New Jerscy appeals courts refused
even to hear my case; the U.S. District
Court refused to grant me a hearing оп
а writ of habeas corpus; the U.S. Third
Circuit Court of Appeals (im a split
decision) decided not ro rule on my сазе
at all and sent me back to the state
comts for postconviction relief proceed
ings; the trial judge on several occasions
refused to grant a reduction in sentence;
in short, I experienced the raw, naked
power that the establishment holds over us
nd the full extent of our helplessness
inst it.
Auempts to fight back were futile,
After the trial judge's refusal to reduce
my sentence, I filed a al comp
against the police officer who had lied at
my tial. (I had witneses to prove his
deception.) Both the New Jersey attorney
general and the U.S. attorney simply re-
fused to process my complaint. T then
wrote numerous letters 10 community
leaders, appealing to their conscience, urg-
ing them to speak out against a legal sys-
tem that left me по recourse against а
badge-wearing perjurer or against the
outrageous severity of my sentence.
All of these letters, except one, were
brushed off or went unanswered. The one
exception was my letter to the Playboy
Foundation. The Foundation answered
with understanding and sympathy. "They
said they would try to help and this im-
mediately fortified my morale. They tried
very hard, and for this they have my
undying gratitude and respect. It was no
fault of the Playboy Foundation that their
efforts were in vain. I will bear ness
to the fact that the Foundation made
every posible attempt to enlist the New
Jersey American Civil Liberties Union
in my cause, all to no avail. They had
turned me down cight times previously,
and they turned me down even after
PLaynoy offered financial support for my
The reason, I honestly believe, was
simple spinclessness.
be rev
ing all ethical and legal means, I capit
lated, played the establishment's ow
game and made a deal, just to be free and.
to rejoin my wife and children again.
I want to say something about my
experience before concluding this letter,
Those who shout loudly about unshack-
“I'm really beginning to hate myselj—not
only am I sleeping with my best friend. Summis. e n
I'm sleeping with him!
ling the police are leading us down
the garden path. The police already
know all the wicks to Grcumvent the
Constitution and the Supreme Court
guidelines; they are unshackled. And
now that the “law and order" crowd has
a foothold in the White House, our
liberties are in greater jeopardy than
ever, The President has already voiced
his approval of laws that would permit
hout bail in certain
many newspapers editorially pi
good old days when law-enforcement
agencies didn't have to bother with con-
stitutional amenities and refer with con-
tempt to those who concern themselves
with civil liberties. To all who read
this: They can do to you what they did
to me—if you let them, if your friends
and neighbors let them, if society as a
whole doesn’t wake up before it’s too
late. Come to the aid of the next i
ictim:
join the fight to abolish all laws against
harmless behavior by consenting adults
in private; don’t think you are immune.
The freedom you save may be your own.
Mare Barry
(Address withheld by request)
THE OTHER WOMAN
Bless "the other woman.
ried, I met and fell in love with another
girl, We walked hand in hand, laughed
with each other, had our secret night
club and special drink, went places to-
gether, needed and loved each other—
things my wife and I no longer did. I
got а divorce and married my other
woman. God. we were happy for a
while! But now ycars have passed and
things have changed: We don't hold
nds; she's tired every night at nine
and we don't go out Sex has become
something of a bore to her. I'm older than
she is, but T sti little.
do all the th € and I did be-
fore we were marr we are to each
other what my wile and 1 were to each
other then. My wife doesn't know. I
love her still and I love my other wom-
an. I wish I could have both openly.
(Name withheld by request)
Newark, New Jersey
I am also another "other woman," but
1 feel that mine is a special case. I don't
take drugs and I drink only socially. I
have, nevertheless, experienced quite a
it of life, considering my age, having
traveled extensively and having lived in
п areas. At present, 1
1 а large city, where I have dated
many men, ranging in age from 20 to
34. This is the first time 1 have become
211
PLAYBOY
212
involved with a married man and 1
hope to never again—it is sheer hell. 1
am deeply affected, like the others, by
the disadvantages of loving a man who
legally belongs to another woman. The
loneliness of being without him increases
cach time I think of him going home to
her; Christmas and other special occa-
ions lose all meaning when he must
spend them with her while I spend them
alone. However, I love this man. and
the few hours we spend together each
week compensate for all the agony that
must accompany our happiness.
He has never said that he doesn't love
his wife; I'm sure he does. I would never
ask him to consider divorcing her, al-
though there are no children involved.
But meanwhile, the emotional effect of
having to compete with his wife—a love-
ly, rich society woman (everything I'm
noj—has been uemendous 1 have
asked myself thousands of times why һе
arly for me, which he has
proved in countless ways, and I can only
conclude that I give him the peace of
mind and contentedness that she
able to offer him. He comes to me when
he's upset or has a problem or when һе
has a victory he wants to share. He
knows thar I will listen with interest
1 understanding. He loves and needs
his wife. but 1 know he loves and needs
me also—for different reasons.
We have no furure. obviously
T live
for the very few moments we can share.
Know would only hurt more if 1
allowed myself the luxury of even small
hopes, I content myself with the love we
have and live for the present, with no
plans for tomorrow.
(Name and address
thheld by request)
l am single and have been romant
cally involved with a married man for
three years. Furthermore, 1 have never
been so satished with life or with myself;
I feel that I have become a much better
person due to this relationship. T have
the other woma
ange as it may sound, most people
do not want real love and use marriage
to guard against it. As Robert Frost said,
"Happiness makes up in height for wl
it lacks in length.” But all heights are
frightening and most people prefer to
мау оп the ground—or under the
ground, like moles. Marriage is the
bomb shelter that people take refuge
because they are afraid of the perils that
соте with freedom and happiness.
1 am free and T am happy. I wouldn't
trade this for all the gold in all the
wedding rings from here то Hawa
(Name withheld by request)
Boston, M. husetts.
Ive been both a wife and an “other
" Most American wives v
ds as а pay check, a soc
“А loaf of bread, a jug of wine and
a charge о] statutory rape.
escort and a sexual obligation. I was
once told by a married man that it cost
him $1000 for а single “piece of tail" at
home, since he got it only once a month
and his wife spent that much of his sala-
ry monthly on luxuries for herself.
Other women don't drag husbands
from the arms of their wives; the hus
bands are pushed. They've been kept in
line by the nagging and the withholding
of sex; they've been stripped of their
manhood: thus. they look elsewhere for
love. Sex for the other woman i
ure, not an obligation—and
ppreciates that. Other women provide
much of the ballast that keeps man
little marital boat afloat
The highest ideal to which а marri
woman could aspire—and too few of
them do—would be to fill the function of
the other woman in her husband's life.
(Name and address
withheld by request)
MARRIAGE ON THE ROCKS
Let me tell the wife's side of the “other
woman" controversy, I, too, know what
it is like to be lonesome. I stood nightly
t the window for hours waiting, only to
Jose hope as the hours inched bı
didn’t show up or even Gill, At first, 1
was frantic, imagining that he had be
utomobile accident. Then, wh
n t0 suspect that he was having
picious thoughts and worried that I was
being unfair ro him.
The other woman asks if I know how
little of him she (or her counterpart)
had. Does she know how little of
hid, or his child had? He left us at
AM. after а quick breakfast. He spent
with her not only the cight hours at the
office but also the hours from quitting
time to two or three л.м. When he
arrived home, he immediately showered
and slept.
And I didn't many him for consumer
goodies, He was just a boy when we
married; 1 had more he did
—even now, my salary is almost equal to
his. Today. a year kuer, we are still
struggling to pay for the financial disas-
ter the other woman caused (lawyer
etc). The emotional
fer—not just to me but to our
Id, and to my parents and to his
ents—is also still far from healed.
(Name and address
withheld by request)
THE SLEEPING BEAUTY
Alter eight years of being happily
married, it never occurred to me that
either my wife or 1 could indulge in an
а r We were Madison
асъ version of typical American.
с always together, sharing the
same movies, theaters and good music
and loving our two children
Then one night we made two new
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PLAYBOY
214
friends at a dance. They invited us to
t their home where, after several
drinks (a couple more than our limit),
the man proposed wife swapping. At
first, there was some opposition from my
because of her religious convi
tions; but the eagerness of the rest of us
and the liquor were too much for her
and finally she reluctantly surrendered.
lt was like the discovery of a new
world for both of us. Our friends were
wonderful bedmates, but the most im-
portant thing was not the pleasure de-
rived in the relations with them but the
change our own sex life experienced.
Evidently, something was sleeping in-
side my wife, something that woke up
and made her change into a new and
different woman. The passive and docile
wife became a passionate, sexy, ardent
lover. It was a mirade. According to
her, I changed, too.
Both my wife and 1 learned a lor from
our very experienced lovers, which en-
riched and embellished our sex life and,
is a result, strengthened our m
aybe this formula would not work so
smoothly for other couples, but we never
regretted what we did.
(Name and address
withheld by request)
CONSTRUCTIVE DIALOG
I am very pleased by rrAvmov's open
d earnest dialog with articulate mem-
bers of the theologicil community. In
the past year, вглувоу has moved be-
yond its longstanding critique of ant
quated religious and moral attitudes,
You are now seriously attempting to pro-
vide a context in which contemporary
man can seek an honest, flexible and
meaningful life.
Russell Н. Bishop, Jr-
Assistant to the Chaplai
University of Rochester
Rochester, New York
SWINGING
I enjoyed reading the Richard Warren
Lewis article, The Swingers, in the April
prayuoy and the letters in the July Dear
Playboy in response to it. The exchange
was interesting, but there seems to be
litle agreement on what "swinging"
really is—at least, there was nothing re-
sembling a scientific definition of it and
related. behavior. In the course of a re-
search project on contemporary mores, 1
have come up with some working def-
initions that may at least provide a start-
ing point for further discussion.
Group Sex: Three or more persons
“And then 1, Becky Dawn Dunbar, would
be queen of the jungle!”
su
involved. in consensual sexual activity
together. This definition includes the
more common and primarily heterosex-
ual variety among opposite sexes, the
mixed heterosexual and homosexual ac
tivity among opposite sexes and the rarer
exdusively homosexual pattern among
amesex. participants. In its broadest in-
terpretation, group sex subsumes some
voyeurism and exhibitionism, with part-
ner sharing or exchange occurring in the
same place at the same time. This would
include all forms of sexual activity (not
just copulation) where more than two
persons. p: е together. Thus, part-
ner swapping is group sex, unless the
couples pair off and go to separate
rooms, although cither pattern of part
ner exchange may be swinging,
Partner Exchange: The exchange of
mates or partners between consenting
couples for the purpose of se ctivity.
Swinging (general): Relating to others
on a sexual basis, either individually, in
simple partner exchange or in a group.
Swinging (specific): A group of three,
and often more, persons involved in sex-
ual activity together
Obviously, it is difficult to find а pre
cise definition for swinging in its socio-
logical and sexual contexts. Apart from
the specific and definite pauern occur
ring in a groupsex si m, there ave
other vague gencral meanings. To say "1
swung with her" would usu
having sex, but to say “she sw
be more an evaluation of person
and attitudes than of sexual activ
though it would usually imply some de
gree of freeness and availability.
Doubiless, swinging means dilfer
things to different people in dillerent
parts of the county, but perhaps the
above will provide a basis for further
ination of thc subject among
PLAYBOY readers. So far, no one Паз |
able to isolate the common denominator
of all swinging or its universal essen-
1 ingredie
Since 1 am a professor of anthropology
sity, whose.
lly mean
may
lity
ngs’
exam
ing a fit topic for research, 1 would
te your not publishing my name.
me and address
withheld by request)
“The Playboy Forum” offers the oppor-
tunity for an extended dialog between
readers and editors of this publication
on subjects and issues raised in Hugh
M. Hefner's continuing editorial series,
“The Playboy Philosophy.” Four booklet
reprints of “The Playboy Philosophy,”
including installments 1-7, 8-12, 13-18
and 19-22, are available at 50¢ per hook-
let. Address all correspondence on both
"Philosophy" and "Forum" to: The
Playboy Forum, Playboy Building, 919 N.
Michigan Ave, Chicago, Illinois 60611.
You'd look great in Gleneagles’
new Windsor. But then youd look great
in our new Duke, too. Hmmm.
The Windsor. 65% Docrort?, 35% co
On your left: the new Windsor. With its shaped look. Its slant pockets. Its wider collar.
On your right: the new Duke. A smashing 6-button double-breasted style. It's shaped, too. Isn't it amazing what a
little flash and flair can do to raincoats? The Windsor, $65: The Duke, $75:
Gleneagles. The answer to the boring raincoat.
igher in the West.
215
PLAYBOY
216
РОТ: A RATIONAL APPROACH
1942, he mayor of New York City.
rello La Guardia, alarmed by <
press stories about “the killer dru
that was allegedly driving people
ipe and murder, appointed a com-
mission to investigate the pot problem in
ity. The commission was made up of
eminent physicians, psychiatrists, psy-
chologisis, etc, ind six officers from the
юш bureau. И there was any
bias in that study, it must have been di-
rected against marijuana, considering the
presence of the narcotics officers. not to
mention psychiatrists and М. р, who
were then, as now, rather conservative
ars of
city’s n
sociological diggin
ated with marijuana use
ntelligence tests on confirmed pot-
heads, the commission concluded:
Those who have been smoking
marijuana for a period of yem
showed no mental or physical det
oration which may be attributed to
the drug... . Marijuana is not a
drug of addiction, comparable to
(continued [rom page 151)
morphine. . . . Marijuana does not
е or heroin or co-
caine is
not the determi tor in the
commission of major aimes. . . .
‘The publicity concerning the cata-
strophic eflecis of mia smoking
in New York City is unfounded.
Even сапіст, a study of marijuana use
in the Panama Canal Zone was under-
taken by a notably conservative body.
the United Staes Army. Published in
1925, the study concluded, “There is no
evidence that marijuana as grown here
is а habit-forming drug” and that “De-
inquencies due to marijuana: smoking
which result in vial by military court
are negligible in number when com-
pared with delinquencies resulting from
the use of alcoholic drinks which also.
may be «акей as stimulants ог intoxi-
cats.
What may he the classic sendy in the
whole fehl goes back further: to the
1893-1894 report of the seven-member
Indian Hemp Drug Commission that
received evidence Irom 1193 witnesses
from all regions of the country (then
including Burma and Pakistan), prolcs-
“I'm not а warmonger, but then again, you
won't find me al
any peace talks!"
sionals and laymen, Indians and British,
most of whom were required to answer
in writing seven comprehensive ques
tions covering most aspects of the sub-
ject. The commission found that there
was no connection between the use of
marijuana and “social and moral evils”
such as crime, violence or bad cl
It alo conduded that oc
moderate use may be beneficial; that
moderate use is attended by no inju-
vious physical, mental or other effects:
and that moderate use is the rule: "li
has been the most striking feature of
this inquiry to find how little the effects
of hemp drugs have intruded themselves
on observation. The large numbers of
witnesses of all classes who profess nev
er to have seen them, the very few
witnesses who could so recall a cise to
give any definite account of it and the
manner in which a large proportion of
these cases broke down on the first at-
tempt to examine them are facts which
combine to show most clearly how іце
injury society has hitherto sustained
from hemp drags.” This condusion is
all the more remarkable when one rea
izes that the pattern of use in India
included far more potent forms and
doses of Cannabis than are presently
used in the United States. The commis-
sion, in its conclusion, stated:
Total prohibition of the hemp
drugs is neither necessary nor exped
ent in consideration of their ascer-
religious leclings on the subject and
of ui ty of its driving the
consumers 10 have recourse to othe
stimulants [alcohol] or narcot
which may be more deleterious.
Ever since there have been attempts
to study marijuana scientifically, every
major investiga rived at, sub-
stantially, the same conclusions, and
these direaly contradict the mytholog
of the Federal Bureau of N: In
contrast with the above facis, cousider the
following advertisement, circulated bi
fore the passage of the 1937 Federal
amimarijuana la
Beware! Young and Okl—Pcople
in All Walks of Life! This [picture
of a marijuana cigareue] may be
handed you by the friendly stran-
It contains the Killer Drug
1"—a powerful narcotic in
h lurks Murder! Insanity! Death!
Such propaganda was widely disscmi-
ted in the mid-1930s, and it was respon-
sible for stampeding Congress into thc
se of a law unique in all American
tory in the extent to which it is based
on sheer ignorance and misinforma
Few people recent
antiamarijuana le Pot was
widely used as a folk medicine in the
how
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19th Century. Its recreational use in this
country began in the early 1900s with
Mexican laborers in the Southwest, spread
to Mexican Americans and Negroes in the
South d then the North, and then
moved from rural to urban
terms of public reaction and social policy,
litle attention was paid to pot until the
mid-1930s (although some generally unen-
forced state laws existed before then).
At that time, a group of former alcohol-
prohibition agents headed by Harry J.
Anslinger, who became head of the Fed-
eral Bureau of Narcotics, began issuing
statements to the public (via а cooper
e press) claiming that marijuana caused
crime, violence, assassination, insanity,
release of anti-social inhibitions, mental
PLAYBOY
deterioration and numerous other on
ous activities.
In what became model for future
Federal ction on
marijuana, Congressia s were
held in 1937 on the M. Tax Act.
No medical, scientific or sociologi
dence was sought or heard; no alterna-
tives to criminalizing users and sellers
were considered; and the major atten-
tion was given to the oilseed, birdseed
and paint industries’ need for unre-
strained access ro the hemp plant from
which marijuana comes. A U.S. Treas-
ury Department witness began his test
mony by stating flatly that “Marijuana
is being used extensively by high school
children in cigarettes with deadly effect,"
and went on to introduce as further
"evidence" an editorial from a Wash-
ngion newspaper supposedly quoting the
American Medical Association having
stated in its journal that marijuana use
was onc of the problems of greatest
menace in the United States. Fortu
lor historical analysis, a Dr. Woodw
serving as legislative counsel for the Amer-
ican Medical Assodation, was present to
point out that the statement. in question
was by Anslinger and had only been re-
ported in the A. M, A. journal.
Dr. Woodward deserves a posthumous
accolade for his singlehanded heroic efforts
to introduce reason and sanity to the
hearing. Most tly, the doctor
(who was also a lawyer) criticized the
Congressmen for proposing a law that
would interfere with future medical uses.
of Cannabis and pointed ош that no
one from the Bureau of Prisons had
been produced to show the number of
prisoners “addicted” to marijuana
onc from the ldren's
Office of Education to
dren and no one from the Di
Mental Hygiene or the Division of Phar-
macology of the Public Health Service
to give "direct and primary cvidence
rather than indirect and hearsay ev
Saying that he assumed it was
tue that a certain amount of cotic
addiction” existed, since “the newspa-
21g pers have called attention to it so promi-
dence.
nenily that there must be some grounds
for their statements,” he conduded that
type of statute under con
was neither necessary mor
desirable. The Congressmen totally ig
nored the content of Dr. Woodward's
testimony and attacked his character,
ications, experience and relution-
ship to the American Medical Associa-
tion, all of which were
was then forced to admit that he could
not say with certainty that mo prob
lem existed, Finally, his testimony was
brought to а halt with the warning,
mpecable. He
“You are not cooperative in this. If you
want to advise us on legislation, vou
ought to come here with some const
we proposals rather than criticism,
ther 1 ing to throw obstacles
the way of something that the Federal
Government is trying to do.”
A similar but shorter hearing was held
the Senate, where Anslinger presented
anecdotal “evidence” that marijuana
caused murder, rape and insanity.
Thus, the Marijuana Tax Act of 1987
was passcd—and out of it grew a welter
of state laws that were, in many cases,
even more hastily ed.
The present Federal laws impose a
iwoio-ten-year sentence for а first con
vidion for possessing even a small
mount of mariju five to twenty
years for a second conviction and ten to
forty for a third. If Congress is not
be retained when the new Federal law is
writen without the sections declared
invalid in the Leary case, The usual
discretion that judges are given to grant
probation or suspended sentences for
real crimes is taken from them by this (and
state) law as is the opportunity for parole.
For sale or "dissemination," no mater
volved, and even if the.
gift between friends, the Fed
for firstollense conviction is five to twenty
for a second offense, теп to
sas I stated, are even
те two real, and recent,
Here
In Texas, Rich
nd operator m a bowling alley,
hairier.
matchbox full of marijuana (con
siderably Jess than an ounce) to a Dalla
ndercover policeman, for five doll
His sentence:
In. Michi;
nother police agent,
тепсей 10 20 to 30
prison. This case is worth not-
mple of how the m:
actually function in mi
aces, Belcher is the only ind
verse County to receive this
sentence in the past two years; 25 other
ma arrestees were all placed on
ion within that time, Belcher, it
appears, was the author of a column
called “Dope-O-Scope” in a local under-
ground newspaper and had presented
there some of the same scientific facts
ncorporated into this article, People
who publidy oppose the marijuana laws
nd marijuana mythology of our mar
cotics police have an unusually high arrest
record
There is no consistency in these Laws
from state to state. Until 1968, South
Dakota had the nation’s lowest penalty
for fustoffense posscssion—90 days (it
has since been raised to two to five years)
however, if you crossed the state line to
North Dakota, the picture changed
тиру. North Dakota had (and
has) the nat
firstolfense ро:
sill
ns highest penalty for
ssion—99 years at hard
labor. In New York state, in spite of the
revelatory work of the La Guardia com
mission, the penalties have increased since
the Forties. Today, in that state, selling
oru 10 anyone under
2c
asferring matij
rries а penalty of one to 95 years,
even if the transfer is by somebody who
is also under 21 and is а gift 10 a friend.
(The state legislattue recendy nied to
raise this penalty to 15 years to life, but
Governor Rockefeller vetoed the bill.) In
апа, а minor selling to а minor is
subject 10 five to fifteen yeas’ imprison-
ment, while an adult sci
ly.
the penalty [or a first con-
viction for selling to a minor is life im-
prisonment. If the ofender is paroled or
sentence suspended, and he is con-
ted i he can he ed to
senie
ty ol such penalties in
ion to pors relative harmlessness is
beginning to be recognized in Wash-
despite incessant and quite un
fic efforts to maintain the old
mythology, emanating from the Federal
Bureau of Narcotic. In. 1903, President
Kennedy's Advisory Commission on N
cotic and Drug Abuse called into question
some of the prevailing beliefs about mari
juana and recommended lighter sentences
Tor possession. In 1967, President John-
son's Commission оп Law Enforcement
istration of Justice took a
ble penalties; more si
ed that mi has virt
in common with true narcotics or оріше
fact was publicly
—the first time th.
admitted by a U.S. Government agen.
су. And in 1957, Dr. James Goddard,
while commissioner of the U.S. Food
id Drug Administration, was quoted as
saying that it would disturb him less il
his teenage daughter smoked one mari-
juana cigarete than if she drank
alcoholic beverage. (Faced with a predic
ble ошау from conservatives in Congre:
Goddard said he had bee
but quite honestly added th:
facts did not support the o
misquoted—
the known.
on that
marijuana is more dangerous than
alcohol.)
Not only is marijuana comparatively
"I'd like to stuff her... ."
PLAYBOY
220
harmless on the face of all the evidence
but there arc even rcasons to bclicve it
may be beneficial in some cases. In many
countries, Cannabis has been used medi
inally for as long as 5000 years and is
regarded as a sovereign remedy for a
variety of ills There are references to
medii uses of m
medical journals (mostly of the 19th Cen-
tury) where doctors reported it as useful
nalgesic. appetite stimulant, anti-
nodic, antidepressant, tranquilizer,
nti-asthmatic, topical anesthetic, child-
birth analgesic and antibiotic. My own
investigations in arcas of the world where
this folk medicine still flourishes and my
study of 20th Century scientific literature
lead me to believe that marijuana would
be useful for treating depression, loss of
xiety and
sp:
An English psychiatrist who employed
in the therapy of depressive
ts, Dr. George Т. Stockings, con-
duded that it "might be more effective
than any tranquilizer now
Robert Walton of the U
Mississippi has also suggested its use
for certain gynecological and menstrual
problems and in easing childbirth. We
should nor let lingering puritanical prej-
prevent us from investigating
further. As Dr. Tod Mik
Кышы иш.
notes, fact that a drug has a recre
ational history should not blind us to its
possible other uses. Morton was the first
10 use ether publicly for anesthesia after
observing medical students at "ether
frolies' in 1846.” While such speculations
about the benehts of pot must await
further research before а final answer
is given, there сш be no doubt that
grave injustice has been suffered by those
cunendy in prion beciuse of laws
pased when the drug was believed. to
incite crime and madness.
Even the Federal Bureau of Narcotics
and its propagandists have largely given
up the “steppingstone theory” (that mar
"Interesting, 1 grant you—but unless you
can think of some “commercial application
juana smoking leads to use of addictive
drugs) and the “degeneracy theor
it leads to crime or "bad character").
They have recently rallied around the
oldest, and most discredited, canard of
all—the legend that marijuana causes i
у. To shore up this crumbling myth,
they cite recent research at the Addiction
Research Center in Lexington, Kentucky,
where 30 former opiate addicts were
ven high doses of synthetic THG (the
active ingredient in marijuana) or con-
centrated Cannabis extract. Most of the
subjects showed marked perceptual
changes, which the experimenter chose to.
describe as “hallucinations” and "psy-
chotic reactions." This, of course, merely
confirms a basic axiom of pharmacology:
‚ with inareasing doses of any drug,
different and. more dangerous responses
occur: you could obtain some spec-
tacularly adverse reactions with horse
doctors’ doses of aspirin, сойсе or even
orange juice. (With ordinary doses of
THC or marijuana, the su
enced the same "high" Гош
social marijuana smoking.
A more serions defect in
lies in the loaded terminology
which the experimenter, Dr. Harris Isbell,
reported his results. Psychiatrist ‘Thomas
лав, а crusader Гог reform in the mental-
health field, points out that a “psychotic
this reseaı
reaction”
vidual, Mr. A, like cance
label that а second
(more often, Dı. D), pins on Mr. A. The
fact is that the subjects experienced per
ccptual changes; it is not a fact but merely
an opinion whether one wants to call
these changes "consciousness expansion
ind “transcendence of the ego” (with
Timothy Leary) or “hallucinations” and
is not something im an indi.
rath
“psychotic reactions” (with Dr. Isbell).
Sociologist
server who first
Howard Becker—the ob-
noted the effect ol
experience
—has researched medical literature trom
the carly 19305 to the present in search
ana psycho
ng the pyramiding
aceleran a use during the
ics, Fifties and Sixties, Becker con-
duded that persons who were diagnosed
the
“marijuana psychotic” in hirties
were simply anxious and disoriented be
cause they hadn't learned yet how io use
the drug. Dr. Isbell’s subjects, almost cer
tainly, were not advised about the effects
of the drug; and his experiment is really
just another proof of the elect of “set
and setting” as well as high doses on drug
experience.
А 1916 study examined 310 реко
who had been using marijuana for an
pc of seven years each, There was
no record of mentalhospital commitment
among any of them.
The marijuanaphobes also cite studies
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PLAYBOY
from the Ne
juana
East to prove that mari
associated with psychosis. In the
first place, many of the people in these
studies smoked hashish, not marijuana:
and while hashish is derived from the
iva, it is other-
bly stronger form of the
ht. compare the two Canna-
with two alcohol drugs as follows:
а pipe of hashish
g а fifth of vodka
same pipe of marijuana is like
drinking a boule of beer. However, the
studies themselves do not deserve such
careful rebuttal; they arc scientifically
worthless. They prove only that, in coun-
tries where most of the population regu
larly use Cannabis, many of the patients
in mental hospitals also have а history of
Cannabis use. Usually the proportion of
users in the institution is less than that i
the general population, leading to a pos-
sible conclusion that it is psychologically
benefic however, there are
no scientifically valid statistics or records
kept at these facilities. The testimony
turns out, on е ation, to be im-
pressionistic and. anecdotal rather than
scientific and. precise. The diagnosis of
psychosis and its attribution to Cannabis
is often made by a ward aendant. In
short, we me faced with the kind of
“evidence” that the Indian Hemp Drug
Commision discarded in 1893. I have
visited the mental hospitals of several
of the countrics involved in the "Ca
nabis psychosis” aud none of the record
keeping involved meets the minimum
requirements demanded of fresh
ientific reports in American colleges.
Perhaps the last bastion of marijuana-
same plant, Cannabis s
wise a considei
about
phobia is the argument by uncertainty.
"Who knows?” this line goes. “Maybe, in
the future, marijuana might be discovered,
by further research, to have dangerous
side effects that haven't been noted yet."
This argument, of course, is unanswer-
able; but it applies equally well to such
diverse objects as diet pills and bubble
gum. One cannot prove that the future
will not discover new things; but does such
a fact—science’s lack of dlairvoyance—
justify our present marijuana Памя? It
dearly does not. No drug, induding m
juana, will ever be found to be totally
harmless; and по drug, particularly mari-
juana, will ever be found to be as danger-
ous as the hydrogen bomb (once daimed
by Anslinger). Social policy should nor be
determined by this anyway. The possible
risks should be dealt with by education
What is unacceptable is locking а man up
for 99 years Tor possessing something of
far less proven danger than tobacco. alco-
hol, automobiles and guns.
Instead of decreasing marijuana usage,
our present laws have created the con-
tempt lor Government about which I
spoke carlier. In addition to continuing
to disobey the law, hordes of young
people have begun to flout it publicly.
There have been smoke-ins—masses who
gather in a public park, where these in
the inner core of the group light up,
while the outer perimeter obstruct and
slow down the police until the evidence is
consumed—at Berkeley, in Boston and
elsewhere. Planting marijuana in con-
spicuous places has become a fad; among
able seedings have been the cen-
e in New York
“OK, then—if it makes you feel like a man,
leave it on . .
- leave it on!”
in ultrarespectable Westchester County,
the UN Building and (twice recently) in
front of the state capitol in Austin, Texas.
But the American marijuana tragedy is
even worse than I have indicated. Like
other crimes-without-victims, pot smoking
is a private activity and involves no harm
to anyone dse, Remember: The police do
not have to engage in cloak-anddagger
activities to find out if there have been
any banks or grocery stores robbed latel
—the bankers and store owners (the
victims) call them immediately. But
since there is no victim in the “crime” of
smoking marijuana, nobody is going to
call the police to report it—except, very
rarely, neighbor who finds the evi-
dence. Hence, the entire apparatus of
the police state comes into existence as
soon as we attempt to enforce anti-grass
legislation; and by the nature of such
legislation, totalitarian results must en
sue, We cannot police the private lives
of the citizenry without invading their
acy; this i
That a man's home is his castle
long been a basic principle of Anglo-
American jurisprudence, and some of us
сап still recall the near росту of the
great oration by William Pitt in which
he says, “The poorest man may in his
cottage bid defiance to the force of the
Crown. lt m be frail, its roof may
shake; the wind may blow through it:
the storms may enter; the r y cn-
ter; but the King of England cannot
enter—áll his forces dare not cross the
threshold of the ruined (спете! This
ciple goes back to the Magna Charta
and is firmly entrenched in the Fourth
Amendment to our own Constitution,
guaranteeing the people "the right . , .
to be secure in their persons, houses,
papers and effects, against unreasonable
searches and seizures.”
This libertarian tradition is a gr
hindrance to the police when they at-
tempt to enforce sumptuary laws—laws
concerning the private morals of the
citizens. And, in fact, the enforcement of
the ina law requires pernicious
vior,
For instance, the Chicago Sun-Times
told, in 1967, how the police of t city
obtain search warrants for use in legal
izing raids that otherwise would be mere
fishing expeditions"—intolerable to апу
ın court. In dealing with the
organized-crime cartel usually called “the
Syndicate,” the police have obtained
from the courts the right to use what are
called E ants in
"blank warrants"
which the witness who alleges he ha
seen the crime is permitted to sign a
false name. This is supposedly necessary
to protect informers against the wrath of
the reputedly all-seeing and all-powerful
Syndicate, Once this dangerous prece
dent was set, the police began appl
‘We were about to give up and call it a night
when somebody dropped the girl off the
bridge." — Entire opening paragraph of “Darker
Than Amber" by John D. MacDonald.
By JOHN D. MacEAGLE
SIDE from his grim tendency to knock
off heroines early, we tend to identify
with John D. MacDonald, king of the paper-
backs and a writer's writer: he, too, is ap-
parently fruit about color names. In Gold
Medal’s Travis McGee series alone there are
eleven hued titles. ж Thus when we recently
invented a shirt so trim that we had to put
а seam down the back to take up the excess
waistage—then add a 7" rear vent so your hips
won't turn Gang Giecn—we thought to call
it “The McGee." x We wrote MacDonald
and he said sure, as long as “it has two pock-
ts”; both he and McGee like two pockets.
We said no, since the shirt is as sleek as a
wet seal. x If he persists, we might just name
the shirt “The John D^: in honor of the old
guy who went around giving out dimes. He
may have been chintzy, but he wasn't piggy
about pockets. x The McGee is a cotton
broadcloth dress shirt with French cuffs and
a long point collar. The tail is cut straight-
bottom from front placket to back vent.
About 510.00; in 18 colors, among them:
Plain Wrapper Brown, Deep Goodbye Blue,
Dyeing Place Purple, з
Deadly Shade Gold,
Quick Fox Red, Cup-
cake Brass, Nightmare
Pink, Fearful Eye Yel-
low, and Darker Than
Pale Gray Black. ж It
has one pocket.
©1969, EAGLE SHIRT (appearing soon on Rod Taylor as MeGee in Cinema
Center Films’ motion picture now in production in Fla.) MAKERS (а subsid-
tary or Hat Corporation), QUAKERTOWN, РА. 18951, Бот know what a
placket is, ch?
ot me, lady—I'm just with the catering service."
f. this world. You'll
find the arrow on the
Parker 51, most famous
pen ever made. And on
the Parker 21, a joy to
write with. Send the pen
with the arrow. You'll be
‘a busier guy at mail call.
Ф PARKER
Moker of the world's most wanted pers
When you want to
ear from home more
often, send a Parker pen
home. Nothing as dies
as good a job of saying,
“Keep those cards As
letters coming." Because
arker arrow means
a lot of pen everywhere
PLAYBOY
22
Nip it
in the Би ў
Listen Trooper,
perspiration wetness and odor
canput you off limits.
In short, baby,
you've got problems.
ARRID Extra Dry's the answer.
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it to marijuana users as well.
Sun-Times noted:
As the
"Those methods are dubious.
We refer to the method of obtaining
search warrants. The informer signs
a search-warrant complaint, with an
assumed name, alleging perhaps that
he bought illicit drugs from a certain
person, at a certain place. The police
do not have to disclose the name of
the informer or the time when the
drugs were bought. There is ako a
device known as constructive posses-
sion: The police can arrest anybody
found in the vicinity of prohibited
drugs, whether he's an innocent vis-
itor or the real culprit. The frame-
up is easy. Plant the drugs, get the
search warrant, grab everybody in
sight. It could happen to you and
you'd never have the right to face
your accuser.
William Braden, a Sun-Times report-
cr, also uncovered one informer, a hero-
in addict, who admitted signing dozens
of such warrants without the names of
the accused on them. The narcotics
squad could then type in the name of
any individual whose apartment they
wanted to raid and it would be perfectly
legal” in form—but a terri
tance in spirit from the actual meaning
of the Constitution. Such raids, of course,
violate the Sixth Amendment—guaran-
teeing the right “to be confronted with
the witnesses" st you—as well as
Fourth (no “unreasonable starches”); and
they occur everywhere in the nation
Most of us never hear of such things,
because reporters routinely print the po-
lice version of the raid. hout inter-
viewing the arrested “dope fiends.” It is
Iso standard practice for the police to
multiply the quantity of drugs seized in
such a raid by a factor of two (and the
price by a factor of ten) when giving the
news to the press, This makes for impres-
sive headlines; it also contributes to the
growing tendency toward ^
“trial by news-
paper,” which wor 1 libertarians.
Some types of entrapment are regard-
ed as legal in America today—although
some still are not. In my own opi
all forms of entrapment are profoundly
immoral, whether technically legal or
legal; but my opinion is, perhaps, im-
material, The results of this practice,
however, are truly deplorable from the
point of view of anyone who has any
lingering affection for the spirit of the
Bill of Rights.
Here is a specific case: John Sinclair, a
poet, leader of the Ann Arbor hippie
community and manager of a rock group
called MC5, became friendly, around
October 1966, with Vahan Kapagian and
Jane Mumford, who presented them-
selves to him as members of the hippic-
ist-mystic subculture that exists in all
of our Large cities. Over a period of two
months, they worked to secure his con-
fidence and friendship and several times
asked him to get them some marijuana.
Finally, on December 22, Sinclair, appar-
ently feeling that he could now trust
them, gave two marijuana cigarettes to
Miss Mumford—one for her and onc for
apagian. He was immediately arrested;
his "friends" were police undercover
agents.
Sinclair has been convicted of both
“possessing” and "dispensing" marij
and faces a minimum of 90 years under
each statute, and а maximum of life for
le. If his appeal is not upheld, the
lest sentence he could receive
ers pointed out
imum sentence
to which [Sinclair] is subject t0 im-
prisonment is 20 times greater than the
minimum to which a person may be im-
prisoned [in Michigan] for such crimes
as rape, robbery, arson, kidnaping or
second-degree murder. It is more than
20 times greater than the minimum
sentence of imprisonment for any other
offense in Michigan law, except first-
degree murde
"hat illegal wire tapping has alo
been widely used by the narcotics police
was an open secret for years; now it is no
secret at all—and not illegal, either, The
1968 Omnibu ime Bill authorizes
such wire tapping for suspected ma
juana users. Since this usage has spread
to all classes and all educational levels,
such suspicion can be directed at virtual-
ly anyone (after all, the nephew and the
brother of onc of President Nixon's
closest friends were recently busted on.
pot charges); thus, almost any Ameri
сап now have his phone tapped legally.
Considering the clastic interpretation
police usually give to such Congressional
authorization, an anonymous tip by any
crank in your neighborhood would prob-
ably be enough to get a tap om your
phone by tomorrow morning. Why not?
As Chicago Daily News columnist Mike
Royko recently wrote, “There is a demo-
cratic principle in injustice, If enough.
people support it, they'll all get it
h the doctrine of “constructive pos-
session," anyone who has a potsmoking
friend is subject to mi na Jaws if he
walks into the friend’s house at the
wrong time. In California two years ago,
а woman was sentenced to sterilization
for being in the same room with a man
who was smoking grass. The fact that a
higher court overturned this sentence does
not lessen its frightening implications.
And a new wrinkle has been added.
According to a story in the San Francisco
Chronicle last June 20, the Government
is planning “an unpleasant surprise for
marijuana smokers—sick рог?” The
tide goes on to explain how an un-
specified chemical can be sprayed on
Mexican marijuana ficlds from a helicop-
ter, whereupon "just а puff or two pro-
duces uncontrollable vomiting that not
very s
even the most dedicated smoker could
ignore:
This, T submit, could have come from
the morbid fantasy of Kafka, Burroughs
or Orwell. The Government, in its holy
war against a relatively harmless drug, is
deliberately creating a very harmful drug.
Nor is the Chronicle story something
dreamed up by a sensation-mongering re-
porter. A call to the Justice Department
n Wa med that this
plan has been discussed and may go into
the near futurc.
Cannabis is being waged. America is not
the Victorian garden it pretends to be;
we am, in fact, a drugprone nation.
nd other adults after whom.
ldren model their own behavior teach
them that every time one relates to other
human beings, whether at a wedding or at
a funeral, and every time one has a pain,
problem or trouble, it is necessary or
desirable to pop a pill, drink a cockt
or smoke a cigarette, The alcohol, tobac-
co and over-the-counter pseudo-"seda-
tive" industries jointly spend more than
$9,000,000 a day in the United States
alone to promote as much drug use as
possible.
The average "suaight" adult consumes
three to five mind-altering drugs а day,
bcginning with the stimulant caffeine in
coffee, tea or Coca-Cola, going on to in-
dude alcohol and nicotine, often a tran-
quilizer, not uncommonly a sleeping pill
at night and sometimes an amphetamine
the next moming to overcome the effects
of the sedative taken the evening before.
We have 80,000,000 users of alcohol in
this country, including 6,000,000 alco-
holics; 50,000,000 users of tobacco ciga-
renes; 25,000,000 to 30,000.000 users of
sedatives, stimulants and tranquilizers:
and hundreds of thousands of users of
consciousness alterers that range from
heroin and LSD to cough syrup, glue, nut-
meg and catnip—all in addition to mari-
juana use
Drs. Manheimer and Mellinger, su
veying California adults over 21, fou
that 51 percent had at some time used
sedatives, stimulants or tranquilizers (17
percent had taken these drugs frequent-
Jy) and 18 percent had at some time
used marijuana.
Further underlining the extent of use
of the prescription drugs is the estimate
from the National Prescription Audit
that 175,000,000 prescriptions for seda
tives, stimulants and tranquilizers were
filled in 1968. Also cnough barbiturates
(Nembutal, Scconal, phenobarbital) alone
are manufactured to provide 25 to 30
average doses per year for every man,
woman and child in this country.
In the light of this total drug picture,
the persecution of potheads seems to be
a species of what anthropologists call
"scapegoatism"—the selection of one mi-
nority group to be punished for the sins
225
PLAYBOY
226
of the whole population, whose guilt is
vicariously extirpated in the punishment
of the symbolic sacrificial victims.
Meanwhile, my criticisms—and those
of increasing numbers of writers, sci
tific and popular—continue to bounce
off the iron walls of prejudice that seem
to surround Congress and state legis!
tures. It is quite possible that our new,
post-Leary pot laws will be as bad as the
old ones. If there is any improvement, it
likely to come, once again, from the
courts.
Several legal challenges to our anti-pot
mania are, in fact, working their way
upward toward the Supreme Court, and
the issues they raise are potentially even
more significant than those involved in
the Leary case.
First is the challenge raised by attor-
ney Joseph Oteri in his defense of two
Boston University students. Oteri's case
cites the equakprotection clause of the
Constitution—grass is less harmful than.
booze, so you can't outlaw one without
the other. He also argues that the mari-
juana statute is irrational and arbitrary
and an invalid exercise of police power
because pot is harmless and wrongly
defined as а narcotic, when it is, tech-
nically, not a narcotic. This is not mere
hairsplitting. It is impossible, under
law, to hang a man for murder if his
actual crime was stealing hubcaps; it
should be equally impossible to convict
him of "possession of a narcotic" if he
was not in possession of a narcotic but
of a drug belonging to an entirely dif-
ferent chemical family.
decidedly, is not a nar-
cotic—although just what it should be
called is something of a mystery. The
tendency these days is to call it a "mild
psychedelic,” with the emphasis on mild;
this is encouraged both by the Tim
Leary crowd —to whom psychedelic is а
good word, denoting peace, ecstasy, non-
lent revolution, union with God and
the end of all neurotic hang-ups of
Western man—and by those to whom
psychedelic is a monster word denoting
lucinations, insanity, suicide and
I doubt the psychedelic label very
nd think it is as off base as nar-
much
cotic. Since marijuana has very little in
common with LSD and the true psyche-
“I think Karen's letter is for a
real extracurricular activity.”
delics, but much in common with alcohol
and other sedatives, and a certain simi-
larity also to amphetamine and other
stimulants, I prefer to call it a sedative-
stimulant as it is classified by Dr.
Frederick Meyers, who also notes its re-
semblance to laughing gas (nitrous ox-
ide). Dr. Leo Hollister finds enough
resemblance to LSD to call it a sedative-
hypnotic-psychedelic. Goodman and Gil-
man, the orthodox pharmacological
reference, dodges the issue entirely by
isting marijuana as а “miscellaneous”
drug. In any case, it is not a narcotic, and
anyone arrested for having a narcotic in
his possession when he actually has
juana definitely is being charged with a
crime he hasn't com
A second challenge, raised by Oteri
and also being pressed by two Michigan
ttorneys, is based on the prohibition of
cruel and unusual punishments" in the
Eighth Amendment. The courts have
held, in the past, that a law can be struck.
down if the punishments it requires are
quel and unusual in comparison with
the penalties in the same state for sim-
ilar or related crimes. For instance, the
Statute against chicken stealing was made
quite harsh in the early days of Okla-
homa, apparently because the offense
was common and provoked great public
indignation. As a result, à man named
Skinner was threatened with the punish-
ment of sterilization under one section of
this law. He appealed to the Supreme
Court, which st
statute because similarly harsh pena
were not provided for other forms of
theft. Obviously, in the states where the
penalty for possession of marijuan
higher than the penalty for armed rob-
bery, rape, second-degree murder, etc.,
the law is vulnerable to legal attack as
cruel and unusual.
There is also the "zone of privacy
argument, originally stated in the Con-
necticut birth-control decision and more
recently invoked by the Kentucky supreme
court, in striking down a local (Bar-
Lourville, Kentucky) ordinance making it
а crime to smoke tobacco cigarettes. The
court ruled that “The city . not
unreasonably interfere with the right of
the citizen to determine for himself such
nal matters" The zone of priv:
so cited by the U. S. Supreme Court
in invalidating the Georgia law against
ion (not sale) of pornography.
The drug police and their legislative
have been experimenting with our
liberties for a long time now. The Leary
decision, however, shows that it is not too
late to reverse the trend, and the issues
raised by the constitutional questions dis-
cussed above show how the erosion of our
liberties can, indeed, be reversed,
A compelling medical, sociologica
philosophical case exists for the full legali-
zation of marijuana, particul
galization is the only altema
present criminalization of users. But an
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even more substantial case exists for end-
ing all criminal penalties for possesion or
use of the drug, while still exercising some
jon. I would recommend, for example,
t to prevent the sale of dangerously
adulterated forms of the drug, marijuana
be produced under Federal supervision, as
alcoho! is. Furthermore, sellers of the drug
should be licensed, and they should be
prohibited from selling to minors. If there
are infractions of these laws, the penalties
should be directed at the seller, not the
user. 1 would also strongly recommend
that all advertising and promotion of
marijuana be prohibited, and that pack
ages of the drug carry the warning:
CAUTION: MARIJUANA MAY БЕ HARMFUL
то YOUR HEALTH
If marijuana were to be legalized, what
would happen? According to the mari-
juanaphobes, the weed will spread into
every Americin home; people will be
come lazy and sluggish, sit around all day
in a drugged stupor and talk philosophy
when they talk at all; we will sink into
the “backward” state of the Near Eastern
and Asian nations.
There are good, hard scientific reasons
for doubting this gloomy prognostication.
1. Most Americans have already found
their drug of choice—alcohol and there
is more conditioning involved in such
preferences than most people realize.
The average American heads straight for
the bar when he feels the impulse to
x: a change in the laws will not
change this conditioned reflex. When the
atholic Church allowed its members to
ajority went
right on following the conditioned chan-
nel that told them, “Friday is fish ¢
2. Of the small minority that will try
pot (after it is legalized) in search of a
new kick, most will be vastly disappoint-
ed, since (a) it doesn't live up to its
sensational publicity, largely given to it
by the Federal Narcotics Bureau; and
(b) the "high" depends, as we have
indicated, not only on set and setting
but, unlike alcohol, on learning
This involves conditioning and the
relationship of the actual chemistry of
the two drugs to the total Gestalt of our
culture. What pot actually does—outside
mythology—is produce a state midway
between euphoria and drowsiness, like
a mild alcohol high: accelerate and
sharpen the thoughts (at least in the
subjective impression of the user), like
n amphetamine; and intensify sound
and color perception, although not near-
ly as much true psychedelic. It can
also enhance sexual experience, but not
create it—contrary to Mr. Anslinger, pot
is not an aphrodisiac. It is, in short, the
drug of preference for creative and con.
templative types—or. at least, people
with a certain streak of that tendency in
their personality. Alcohol, on the other
hand, depresses the forebrain, relaxes in
hibitions, produces cuphoria and drowsi-
ness and, while depleting some functions,
LAIR DU TEMPS
the romantic perfume
by Nina Ricci, Paris
The collector's bottle: A Lalique Crystat Original
227
PLAYBOY
“Please, Howard—I'm not that kind of girl!”
such as speech and walking, does not
draw one into the mixture of sensuality
and introspection created by pot. It is
the drug of preference for aggressive and
extroverted types. Therefore, the picture
of pot spreading everywhere and chang-
ing our culture is sociologically putting
the cart before the horse; our society
would first have to change basically be-
fore pot could spread everywhere.
8. Even if, against all likelihood, mari-
ша were to sweep the country, this
would not have dire consequences. Mari
juana has no specifically anti-machine
property in it; it would not make our
technology go away, like a waye of an evil
sorcerers wand. Nor does it dull the
mental faculties, as we have seen in re-
viewing the scientific evidence. (1 might
dd, here, that the highest honor students
at certain Ivy League colleges are fre-
quently pot users, and one study at Yale
found more marijuana smokers at the top
of the dass than at the bottom.)
4, Finally, the whole specter of Ameri-
ca sinking into backwardness due to pot
is based upon totally false anthropologi-
cal concepts. The Near Fast is not tribal,
preindustrial, superstitious, and so forth,
merely because Mohammed banned al.
cohol in the Koran but forgot to exclude
Cannabis drugs also; a whole complex of
228 historical and cultural factors is in-
volved, not the least of which is the
continuous intervention of Western im-
perialism from the Crusades on ward.
Other factors are the rigid structure of
the Islamic religion and the lack of a
scientific minority that can effectively
challenge these dogmas; the Western
world was equally backward—please note
—when the Christ reli
open to scientific dissent
Backwardness is a relative concept,
although pot has been used in the Ara-
bic countries for millenniums, they have
several times been ahead of the West ii
basic science (the most famous example
being their invention of algebra). The
populations of these nations are mot
"lazy" due to marijuana mor to any
other cause: they are merely underem-
ployed by a feudalistic economic system.
"The ones lucky enough to find work
usually toil for longer hours, in а hotter
sun, than most Americans would find
bearable.
Thus, treating. marijuana in a sane
and rational way presents no threat to our
society, whereas continuing the present
hysteria will alienate increasing numbers
of the young while accelerating the drift
toward a police state. I take no pleasure
in the spread of even so mild a drug as
marijuana, and I am sure (personally,
ntifically) that in a truly open,
libertarian and decent society, nobody
would be inclined to any kind of drug
use, While I agree with the psychedelic
generation about the absurdity and in-
justice of our criminal laws relating to
drugs, I am not an apostle of the "turn
tune in, drop out" mystique. 1 recog-
nize that drugs can be an evasion of re
sponsibility, and that there is no simple
chemical solution to all the psychic, social
nd political problems of our time. My
own program would be: Turn on to the
fe around you, tune in to knowledge
nd feeling, and drop in to changing the
world for the better, If that course could
prevail, the adventurous young, no longer
haunted by the anxiety and anomie of the
present system, would probably discover
that love, comradeship, music, the arts, sex,
meaningful work, alertness, self-discipline,
real education (which is a lifelong task)
and plain hard thought are bigger, better
and more permanent highs than any
chemical can produce.
But, meanwhile, 1 must protest—I will
continue to protest—against the bureau-
crat who stands with cocktail in one
hand and cigarette in the other and cries
out that the innocent recreation of pot
smoking is the major problem facing our
society, one that can be solved only by
ising the penalty to castration for the
first offense and death for the second. He
would be doing the young people—and
all the rest of us—a true favor if he
forgot about marijuana for a while and
thought, a few minutes a day. about such
real problems as racism, poverty, starva-
ion, air pollution and our stumbling
progress toward World War Three and
the end of life on earth,
It is an irony of our time that our
beloved George Washington would be a
criminal today, for he grew hemp at
Mount Vernon, and his diary entries,
dealing specifically with separating the
female plants from the male before polli
ation, show that he was not harvesting
for rope. The segregation of the plants
by sex is only necessary if you intend to
extract “the killer drug, marij from
the female plant.
Of course, we have no absolute evi-
dence that George turned on. More like-
ly, he was using marijuana as many
Americans in that age used it: as а
medicine for bronchitis, chest colds and
other respiratory ailments. (Pot's euphor-
ic qualities were not well known out-
side the East in those days) But cin
you imagine General Washington trying
to explain to an agent of the Federal
Narcotics Bureau, “1 was only smoking
it to clear up my lumbago"? It would
never work: he would lind in prison,
perhaps for as long as 40 years. He would
be sharing the same cruel fate as several
thousand other harmless America
day. As it says in the book of Job,
the dust the dying groan, and the souls
of the wounded cry ош.”
$ a soft spot
year Old Spice.
т reason to wear Old Spice?
the shoulder but holds that gesture b;
To work. Tail gate finally off, the m
open and reveal an Oswald-stacked in-
terior, tight as a sparrow's cunt. An
improvised system of checks and counter-
pressures that fits furniture and boxes
together like a puzzle. One piece on cach
tier holds the clue to breakdown.
By noon they have cleared the van.
chicago heat takes the temp up to 200
r the roof (which is where Hairston
ends up working, handing crap down).
e a break, boy,” says Oswald. No
"Chow down." Still nothing.
Oswald wipes his hands together, the
universal dust-off, and Hairston nods
nd smiles, They move apart, Oswald to
huban's Tavern for beer and a burger,
Hairston to his brown lunch L
Oswald is all right as long as he is
sweating. It is these times of cooling off
that tear at him now. This bar һе knows,
these boys he knows Why the jitters?
Dean is over there cracking an egg into
PLAYBOY
his beer and telling of est wreck,
He has totaled out three rigs in the last
усаг. Dean moves his hands like a pilot
after a mission,
his eyes. He was d
Oklahoma. Not his fault (never is).
But some reservoir of acid has been
loosed in Oswald's brain pads this day
and he sees not Dean's wreck but one of
s own witnessing (dreaming?). As if
fed on snow or bhang, Oswald leaves the
spirit and remembers а burning
cab deep in a ditch, fire all over, and the
driver trapped by the legs, his head out
the window, the man cool in logic until
his hair was burning, as he ordered
someone, anyone, to shoot him. Which
no enc did, because that would be mur-
der of the sorriest sort and who wants
that kind of rap? So a silent congrega-
tion high on the road shoulder watched
him burn. At the last, Oswald threw
rocks down at the blackening head,
hoping to knock out the poor bastard.
Didn't work.
Shake that vision, he tells himself.
"Em tired. I've worked my ass off,” he
finds his mouth saying. "Course you have,
‘deed you have, the truckers around him
nod, with amusement and no pity, “Wall,
1 have!” he yells,
Well shit oh dear haven't we all?”
1 don't know,” and out
the door stomps Oswald. Ошу the deep-
est part of his head hears their laughter,
He crosses Halsted Street. I am young
and wrinkled, he tells himself. I look at
the world through а windshield. I sce
things different. But there's no room for
my difference. I have calcium in my
ом», my shoulders. My chemicals are
all wrong.
For the first time, he sits outside the
jokes in the dispatcher's office. Cold
230 comes on around his shoulders and chest.
REVELATIONS (continued from LL
He drinks more coffee. When that does
no good, he gocs for pills, uncaps the
plastic vial with shaking hands and
drops two on his tongue. He works them
down his cotton throat. No sooner taken
than he feels a modicum of relief; and as
the oneo'dock whistle blows in the
stockyards, he is almost ready to haul ass.
He gets a loading order for the Near
North Side. “Work late, if you have to.
It don't manter. Nobody there except the
help. You inventory, they sign.”
Oswald reads the estimate sheet and
That's right,
“And packing? I ain't no packer. You
give me one and you pa
“Uh-uh, I never knew a driver didn’t
bitch.”
thought 1 had a Memphis job.
“That went out this morning.
t Oswald, I am tired of
arguing. "Give me a packer,” he repeats.
“Take that tar baby you had this
morning.
"He ca
"Best
"How's he poing to pack ch
“I don't understand you, Ralph. I giv
you one that can't sass you back and
can't hear the shit you give him. And
you're unhappy."
Oswald has lost it now and he knows
it. Everybody is laughing. Buzz go his
ears in anger. Humor is a weapon he
despises, can't cope with. He uies one
more assault, direct, as usual. “Memphis
is my home office. 1 got some prio
Done in by efficiency this time, "I
called them. It's OK. Wait three days in
Detroit after you've dumped this load. If
you don't рег
to deadhead bad
Double fuck," is all Oswald can say.
This, too, strikes all but him as funny. It
is a two-pronged shaft of modern design.
Hard as he has worked this summer, one
c trips still could put I
mileage." ng out loud.
Not this one and you know it. On
aigue and anger come together some-
where in his stomach. He wants to rip
into the old bastard. Who has turned to
the phone and forgotten, Adrenaline
forges 100 many thoughts into Oswald's
conscience. As he walks out ото the
loading dock, he thinks for a moment
that he is back in Tennessee at a trai
station, The smells of creosote, dust, dry
wood, even urine, the h ves that
wrap his van in flags of color.
I'm home; he shouts and shouts
again. The dock is still empty and his
voice meets no one who can hear. Only
Hairston sitting silent and blinking on a
stack of burlap pads, and recognition
of that sphinx is enough to bring Os
wall back Ја a sort of amateur’s se-
meiology, he shows Hairston what he
wants done; ie., fold the pads, each type
; the skins the
in halves, the mats in thirds,
burlap
Oswald is precise. He decides to let Hair-
ston work while he watches and drinks
a Coke. He thinks of himself as a young
slyboots whose smarts have always made
others work harder than himself.
at" he chuckles as he
ties bowlines around the neat piles Hair-
ston has made along the trailer floor.
When they climb into the truck cab, it
seems almost that Hairston can hear; he
winces as Oswald runs the engine high
neutral to build up air-brake pressure.
"Don't sweat the program." Oswald
yells. "I know this motor. I donc it over
twice" He holds up two fingers victory
spread in an attempt 10 explain, but ай
he meets are red-veined eyeballs and
corneas of mud. “Fuck it," Oswald spits
out the window, “Long as you work hard
for me, I'll tolerate you."
It is not just any old shack, their
destination, but а la-di-da apartment on
the Gold Coast. From the front windows,
Oswald looks out at the Oak Street
Beach. There is a freight elevator for his
use and only one maid to watch him.
Oswald should be happy. But there is an
itching and aching somewhere insidc his
head. Things do not go perfect. Hairston
does not know how to wrap dishes. Os-
wald puts on a dumb show, hoping to
teach him, but the big black hands with
scarred knuckles are not gende with the
china. Oswald gives up. “Take your
smalls and mediums into the living room.
Pack books and shit. ТЇЇ do dish packs:
He pushes Hairston away.
This is a major defeat. It takes a good.
half hour to pack a dish barrel, bending
over most of the time. With the crap in
this kitchen, Oswald has to work for five
hours. All along, he becomes more cer-
tain that Hairston has played dumb
coon. "Never knew one didn't go stupid.
ass ignorant when it was convenient.”
Oswald speaks while leaning into a
barrel and his voice echoes deep. He has
forgotten himself for the moment, for-
gotten the maid, who has watched him
like a silent Aunt Jemima. He straight-
ens up and grins. Bravado better than
retreat, he decides. She stares at him a
he looks her back, this big mommy
eyes bred out of some playa. Hate mus-
ters in his gut, It is no match for the
blankness he sees, his emotion no more
relevant than the words once spoken by
declarant Colonialists over swamps they
thought they could own.
His gaze shifts to his hands. They hold
а crystal bowl. Deliberately, he drops it
on the floor and the slivers fly past her
ankles. “Sorry ‘bout that.” She sweeps up
the mess and Oswald goes on pad
It is, believe it or not, his first con
with wealth dose up. Wedgwood, thick
I am а trim
rugs, gilt mirrors, 500 pairs of shoes,
three color-television sets. He cannot be-
lieve his inventory sheet. Hairston tags
the cartons and furniture while Oswald
writes the list. Weight means wealth in
the moving business: heavy dressers, high-
boys, appliances deluxe, mirror packs.
crates of marble, cubes of trivia. Oswald
figures to make а pile on this job.
Loading is not much of a sweat. The
freight elevator makes it easy. It is near
midnight by the time they are done.
Oswald is debating: Does Hairston know
about time and a half? It’s worth ten
bucks. Oswald talks out loud to himself,
while Hairston ties the recler dolly to
the last tier. “Question is if you're dumb
all around. Take it straight from noon
to midnight and it's about thirty-five I
owe you. But if you figure time and a
half after six, that's another eight or so.
What do you think?"
No answer from the big back as it
shoves the loading ramp into the slats.
Oswald dips thumb and forefinger into
his wallet and deals out a ten, a fiv
twenty. “I reckon you don't thi
Here.” He
touching skin. Watches for a reaction.
None. Home safe and cheap. “C'mon,
boy, let's make the tollway.”
In the midnight hours, the center
stripe doubles. The loneliness of nobody
а s his head and
shoulder against the door and sleeps.
“Seems like if I'm good enough to take
you back, you might keep your eyes
open." The novelty of being able to
chew out a deaf-mute has faded. Oswald
shuts up and drives.
"Ehe sky and road are empty for a
while. Cooling dow 1 closes the
window vent slightly. Shivers. He's on
nothing now. Is that the problem? His
mouth tastes sweet, then bitter, "D
want to see no more grasshoppers, no, sir.
No sooner has he said it than one
scoots across hi n. Big as a house, it
disappears suddenly, evaporates. “What,
hey?” asks Oswald, and blinks. Then a
horse run:
with the l
brakes, speeds up. He can't dodge it.
Hairston sleeps in spite of all. Oswald
comiders turning off at the next clover-
af, but the horse takes a flying jump at
an overpass and fades toward the moon.
“You see that?” Oswald asks Hairston.
"The baby sleeps, so Oswald shakes him.
Hairston jumps awake. "All kinds of
monsters up there.” Hairston does not
understand. ^I sid—” But Hairston's
widening eyes make Oswald look back at
the road long enough to pull the truck
away from the shoulder.
Oswald rolls his window down. He
reaches under his seat and. pulls the .58
out of its holster. Hairston grabs his own
door handle. “Don't shit in your britches.
If any of them monsters come along,
you shoot.” Hairston will not touch the
3 "t drive and aim.
Here." No soap. All right; Oswald takes
the pistol in his left hand and props his
elbow on the frame. n't going to be
nothing with seven heads gets Ralph
Oswald. No, sir." With that, he acceler-
ates to 70 on the downgrade. "Ride,
nigger, ride," he shouts. Hairston stiff-
arms with one hand and pushes his door
slightly open with the other.
When from behind the moon comes a
on a scarlet beast, and the woman
is in purple and scarlet and pinned
with gold, and she drinks blood from a.
golden cup. “Get that mother!” screams
Oswald as he fires into the air, but she
swoops down toward them. Now Oswald
is half out the door, firing at his engulf-
er. So dose is she now that he can see
words written on her forehead. Mystery
is one he can decipher. Oswald fires
four shots. He looks across at ston
and points at the sky. But it is too late
to expect help from the (тоге! . And
like about then, the alpha hits the ome-
ga and a fireball dimbs not too high,
just high enough to singe what might
have ier there. And puddles of fire on
the pavement. And tires stripped like
tree bark or skin,
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EXPERTS AND EXPERTISE
(continued [rom page 165)
commercial bank chairmen to nominate
one of their number to serve as his own
next Secretary of the Treasury, if he had
run for another term. And, as Nixon
also knew, the designee of the group had
been David M. Kennedy. The banker
expert who was the special target of John-
son's sharp tongue was the very one
Johnson would have picked to serve him,
iE the cards had fallen differently.
Johnson spoke as the last individualist
the age of organization men when he
singled out the experts as the villains
responsible for his undoing. But Johnson.
had never been fooled by experts in
fields he knew more about than eco-
nomics. Throughout his political career,
he had known better than to let pundits
and pollsters mislead him about elec-
tions. And early in his Congressional
experience, he had learned to scrutinize
military experts with tightly narrowed
eyes. From the day in 1937 when he
rranged his assignment as a freshman
member of the House to its Naval Affairs
Committe (as it then was), he began to
build a distinctive if small power base
within the still tiny military establish-
ment; and his power there grew steadily
with the military's power over the Feder-
al budget. At the climax of Johnson's
Congressional carcer, his power was so
conspicuous that its sonrees were easily
overlooked or forgotten; and at the di-
max of his Presidential career, Johnson
was so emotionally involved in the bitter
controversy over the Vietnam war that to
his critics—especially the younger ones
—he seemed merely the dupe of the
"militaryindustrialuniversity complex."
He was in some ways, though, much
While the generals and the admirals
had learned to count on Johnson to be
their best friend where preparedness was
concerned, they had also learned to fear
him as their severest critic where unpre-
paredness could be made an issue, Over
the years, Senator Johnson used his stra-
tegic vantage point in the Congressional
establishment controlling military appro-
priations to establish himself first as the
protégé of his seniors and then as "Mr.
Defense Appropriations
right, with whom those who wanted
slices of the defense pie would have to
deal in order to get anything. Like the
beadles in the New England Puritan
churches, who policed the aisles armed
with а double purpose implement for tik-
ling dozing ladies and slapping dozi
gentlemen, Johnson used his large influ-
ence over defense expenditures to favor
his allies, while simultaneously investigat-
ing miscalculations by the beneficiaries of
this patronage inside the "Chair Corps,"
in his own
which was his derisive term for the brass
during the Korean War.
In 1954, when Johnson sat in execu-
tive session with his senior colleague,
Chairman Richard Russell of the Senate
Armed Services Committee (both of
them acting as the all-powerful check-
issuing duo of the Appropriations Sub-
committee), Johnson had not felt the
need to consult any experts before he
vetoed an interesting request from Presi-
dent Eisenhower, personally conveyed by
Secretary of State John Foster Dulles,
The request was for Congressional ac-
quicscence in America’s first commitment
to South Vietnam. It was the considered
decision of Senators Russell and Johnson
10 reject Dulles’ request and immediately
adjourn the 1954 session—in order to
free themselves from further pressure
from the President. As they were in-
formed to their dismay a few weeks later,
their action prompted President. Eisen-
howers decision to initiate America's
original involvement іп Vietnam, with-
out Congressional concurrence, through
the commitment of funds for which no
Congressional grant was required. То
Eisenhower's credit, he at least instructed
Dulles to tell Russell and Johnson what
he had done. A decade later, Johnson
would not be so considerate.
ry, who ended up being
le for the Vietnam escala-
tion, never believed in—and always re-
ted—the battle plan for a land war in
Asia, especially а war to be escalated on
the installment plan. Jt was Johnson
who ordered the step-up and at the same
time restrained its effectiveness.
The dim view Johnson had learned to
take of military expertise during his 28
yeas in Congres was unforgettably con-
firmed during the first of his three years
of captivity in the VicePresidency. As
John F. Kenned silenced
partner, he saw from the inside the disis
trous Bay of Pigs episode, which was an
entrapment Kennedy had invited as the
result of his reliance upon mi
sors whose credentials seemed
able because they commanded bip:
acceptance and enjoyed bipartisan con-
tinuity. According to Arthur M. Schles
inger’s definitive account of the Kennedy
Administration, A Thousand Days, Ken-
nedy exclaimed in uncharacteristically
illiterate dismay, “My God, the bunch ol
advisors we inherited. . , . Can you im-
gine being President and leaving behind
someone like all those people there?"
Johnson felt entitled to add, ^I told you
so," and he made the point whenever the
opportunity presented itself. Schlesinger
adds: "My impression is that, among
these advisors, the joint chiefs had dis-
appointed him most for their cursory re-
view of the military plans. About [Allen]
Dulles and [Richard] Bissell [of the CIA],
's visible but
PLAYBOY
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he said little. I think he had made up his
mind at once that, when things settled
down, they would have to go. . . . He
set quietly to work to make sure that
nothing like the Bay of Pigs could hap-
pen to him again. The first lesson was
never to rely on the experts."
Unfortunately, Kennedy found this
easier said than done. He soon discov-
cred that the White House cannot be
run without experts. By Kennedy's time,
a President's administrative ability had
come to be measured by the reputation
of the White House staff for expertise;
and with inescapable administrative de-
pendence on experts had come irresisti-
ble political incentives to operate behind
a screen of continuity. A commitment to
continuity with the source of his prede-
cessor’s frustrations was enough to insu-
late a new President from blame if he
failed to solve problems he had inherit-
ed. Although Kennedy lacked Johnson's
experience in auditing the propensity of
military experts to err, he was quick to
see that, just because they were a neces-
sary evil, the safest experts to have on
display woukl be those whose presence
supported a plea of innocence by associ
tion with Eisenhower, In other words,
the experts Kennedy decided to depend
on were the same ones who had per-
suaded Fisenhower to adopt their blue-
prints for the liberation of Cuba. When
Kennedy took office, Eisenhower's name
still carried the imprimatur of authority
stamped on it during World War Two,
the controversy over original sin in Viet-
nam not yet having carried back far
enough to have compromised the терш
tion for expertise he had brought home
from Europe. At that time, he was still
the principal military man in politics.
But the public wanted more than the
assurance of continuity from Kennedy,
whose success story, after all, announced
the long-awaited take-over by the now-
mature post-War generation. The excite-
ment of change and the promise of
accomplishment were expected, too. How
to select the areas holding the promise of
new accomplishment, and how to differ-
entiate them from the atmosphere of as-
sured continuity, always constitute the
acid test of а new President's. judgment.
"The sustained ring of Eisenhower's
1952 call for Peace and Prosperity limi
ed Kennedy's freedom of action in 1961.
His choice of where to promise change
and where to preserve continuity was
dictated by the circumstances of his elce-
tion victory. Kennedy’s youth had been a
decisive asset during the campaign of
1960. The Affluent Society, whose Philis-
tine achievements John Kenneth С;
braith had memor ed during the
quiet Eisenhower years, had become
ready for a cultural revolution, and Ken-
nedy spoke with the voice it wanted to
hear. Kennedy found the Affluent Society
taking Eisenhower's peace-keeping opera-
tion for granted but complaining about
the lean ration of the prosperity it deliv-
ered, By 1961, the country had come to
feel that it was stuck in a rut and it was
increasingly impatient with the Republi-
сап Administration's obsessive fear of
inflation, an inflation that, in fact, was
not to reach pernicious proportions for
a decade after premonitions of it sent
Eisenhower into a panic and prompted
him to permit the Federal Reserve Board
to plunge the country’s markets into a
recession in 1957. During the 1960 Presi-
dential campaign, the overconservative
miscalculations of Eisenhower's eco-
nomic advisors had swung the delicate
Election Day balance from Nixon's to
Kennedy's favor. The country was ready
for the stir and bustle of inflation—in
ideals and aspirations as well ine
comes and profits. Kennedy's memorable
campaign promise “to get the country
moving again” exploited popular dis-
satisfaction with Eisenhower's economic
advisors and freed Kennedy from any
temptation to select them or their eco-
nomic theories as the area of continuity.
At the same time, Kennedy's youth
had burdened him with a corresponding
liability. Johnson had blown it up to
potentially embarrassing proportions in
his challenge to. Kennedy's nomination
in Los Angeles, where he warned that
“no man is qualified to be President in
= NT
the nuclear age who does not have a
touch of gray in his hair" So while
Kennedy selected his own advisory corps
of new economists to emphasize the
changes he meant to make, he elected to
establish continuity with General Eisen-
hower's old team of military advisors to
еп after the Bay of
Pigs, notwithstanding his angry outburst
against Eisenhower for “leaving behind
someone like all those people there,”
Kennedy disregarded the moral Schli
ger reports that he drew from the deba-
cle his experts had organized. In fact,
Kennedy’s failure to make a success of
the Cuban liberation plan, formulated
by Eisenhower's military advisors, put
him in even greater need of the protec
tive cover of continuity alter the Bay of
Pigs than before. Consequently, he let
them lead him further down the road
that Eisenhower, disregarding the veto of
Senators Russell and Johnson, had let the
advisors pave for him into the Asiatic
land bog.
The new practice of delegating Presi-
dential responsibilities to specialized
teams of "the best brains" was made to
order as а protective device lor Johnson
when his turn came to make the same
choices between continuity and change.
Ever since his emergence as a national
figure, he had complained of his inabil-
ity to win credit for his accomplishments
blame for his methods. The
show his maturity. E
Na T
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rise of the expert as a priestly caste,
privileged to administer power by advis-
ing politicians on the uses of power,
offered him an overdue opportunity to
redress the inequity in his public rela-
tions. Unfortunately, although Johnson
had learned the easy way what Kennedy
had learned the hard way—never to
trust experts—he failed to apply his
knowledge beyond the specialized are
where һе knew enough to mistrust them.
Johnson's approach to the Presidency
was conditioned by the circumstances un
der which he took over. As with Kenne
dy before him, his chance of vaulting
onto the right side of any potential plau-
sibility gap hinged on his shrewdness in
selecting arcas of continuity and of
change. Johnson decided that con
called for a fight to put Kennedy's
gram across and, meanwhile, to
Kennedy's expert stafl—his link
Kennedy's constituency. At the
time, he bet that the demand for change
would be satisfied by a demonstration
that he could succeed where Kennedy
had failed—first, in moving the compli-
cated, inertia-bound machinery of govern-
ment and, then, in winning the support
of business. Johnson killed both birds
with one stone. Moreover, he got the
stone back when he showed the country
that he could produce a pragmatic con-
sensus within Washington. The evidence
that he did won him an emotional con-
sensus outside Washington. Kennedy had.
failed to keep his promise to get the
country moving because he had failed to.
work with Congress. Johnson kept Ken-
nedy's promise because he managed with
Congress where Kennedy had not known
how to try.
Because Congress is oriented to serve
the special interests of its constituents,
business is sympathetically oriented toward
Congres. Johnson's success with Con-
gres won him a double success with
business. In fact, Johnson's success in
winning the confidence of the business
and financial establishment at the outset
of his Presidency was so electrifying that it
prompted him to return the compliment
and express his confidence in busines—
by giving his confidence to its economic
advisors. Although Johnson regarded ex-
perts on political theory with contempt,
and experts on military theory with suspi-
cion, he became vulnerable to the claims
and presumptions of the fraternity of
economic advisors. Their more promi-
nent spokesmen commanded ready access
to him.
For 96 years Johnson had worked
complete isolation from the influ-
ence of economists, while he built his
personal empire inside other people's
power structures. Suddenly, he found him-
self catapulted into personal control of a
two-platoon team of economists—one
playing by the rules of the old economics,
the other by the rules of the new. The
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devotees of the old economics—worried
about inflation and “fiscal responsibility.”
The academic types—advocates of the new
economics—sought to extend the real suc-
cess of Keynes’ contribution in preventing
mass unemployment into a fanciful ability
to “fine tune" the economy, as if the inter-
play between the way it performed and
the way people expected it to perform.
could be governed by а computer,
Johnson was shrewd enough to know
how to play on the politics of expecta-
tions more expertly than the economists
had yet learned how to calculate the
economics of expectations. On the tragic
night of Kennedy's assassination, when
Johnson established his first connection.
across the airwaves with a shocked and
overwrought public, hc was quick to
shift his appeal from animal faith to the
less chancy area of the pocketbook. He
passed from eulogy to practicality and,
by way of assuring the country that it
was going to "get moving again,” he
cited Dr. Pierre Rinfret, then still a
comparatively unknown young exono-
mist, for his encouraging (and, as it
turned out, accurate) forecast that "capi-
tal expen n 1964 alone will be 20
percent higher than last year" The
country had been shocked into a state of
desperate susceptibility to amy concrete
reassurance that bore the mark of offici;
dom. Johnson's stratagem worked.
Follow the leader" being the name of
the game the Wall Street money manag-
ers play, the stock market reacted to the
word that corporate management was
putting up its money by doing the вате.
"The game even extended to Congress.
Opinion on Capitol Hill took this joint
and spontancous expression of confidence
from corporate manageme:
as evidence that Johnson's. persuasiveness,
which they recalled so vividly, was work-
they
ing with businessmen a
work in the Congre:
the legislative consensus de
old Johnson magic would pre
business to keep the money coming, and
Congress jumped aboard the new Johnson
band wagon, relieved to think that this in-
creasingly unpopular responsibility would
no longer fall upon it. When the new
academic economists saw the business
establishment lead Johnson's legislative
cronies onto the band wagon, they made
the vote of confidence unanimous, on the
practical enough assumption that, if
more business investment would substi-
tute for more Government spending, the
most fruitful contribution. Government
could make would, indeed, be the tax
cut they had been advocating anyw
w best friends in the busi
ness establishment Kennedy aca
demic he inherited shared а common
enthusiasm for strong stock markets, the
corporate executives because they wanted
stock prices to go up enough to make
their options worth exercising and the
“You don’t complain to the retailer about side
effects. You write di
new economists because they wanted
their new boss to trust their recommen-
dations. But if sometimes the two groups
agreed, other times they did not. At the
outset, Johnson was not aware that he
was better off when his old and his new
economists disagreed, neutralizing cach
other
cost of acting on the
Not until it was too late for him to
recoup his losses did he rea
time a President acts consensus of
old and new economists—as Johnson did
in going all out for his ill-timed and
ineffective surtax of 1968—he takes his
political life in his hand:
Where Johnson all along handled as-
surances from the military with care, and
kept his military advisors on a tight rein
from the day he took office (going as far
during the Vietnam war as 10 veto deci-
sions on which hills to bomb and specify-
ing at what angles airmen were to circle
authorized targets), he was as reckless at
the outset. in acting on the assu
his economic advisors as any ea
market newcomer ever was in mistaking
a hot tip asa certainty. Where Johnson's
sophisticated sense of the mili
structure alerted him to the built-in
distinction between presentation makers
and decision makers, his parting shot
Nixon's incoming Secretary of the Tre
ury revealed that he was unaware of a
corresponding class distinction between
advisors and chiefs in the financial pow-
er structure. Johnson made the double
mistake of treating his military chiefs as
if they were personal instruments whom
ctly to the manufacturer.”
he could control once they were activat-
ed, while he treated his economic advi-
sors as gurus whom he could count on for
infallible guidance.
In short, Johnson behaved as if he
were unaware of the existence of the war
he was masterminding on his own p:
vate wires. Because he looked down on
military expertise from his own experi-
ence of it, he underestimated the power
that gravitates to the military in time of
war, even when the orders they follow
limit their freedom of action. And be-
cause Johnson looked up to economic
expertise as long as he remained inno-
cent of firsthand experience of it, he
overestimated the capacity of the eco-
nomic mind to function in the political
jungle under w:
Gally whe
it did not know d
and when he had no
intention of telling it that there was.
The old saw about no one being able to
pull out of a hat anything that wasn’t in
it to begin with applies to computers:
No matter how high-powered they may
be, their findings are only as usable as
the premises that are fed into them.
Johnson jammed the computers of his
economists by dictating the premises to
be used. Little wonder that at the end he
felt disserved and actually cheated when
the conclusions they fed back to “their
President" failed to alert him to the con-
sequences of his own deception. Clients
consult counsel at their peril when they
fail to tell counsel what it must know in
order to serve them. Johnson's arrogant
handling of his military advisors and his
235
PLAYBOY
236
prayerful reliance on his economic coun-
selors exposed him to double jeopardy.
Right down to his last day in office, his
generals took his orders as unflaggingly
as he took the advice of his economists.
The war was lost Vietnam and the
Affluent Society was defeated at home —
all because of what was essentially an er-
ror in programing.
istakable mark of both pro-
grammer and expert, as well as their
fatal Вам, is a willingness to execute
assignments rather than questioning the
policy behind them. Errors оп the part
of the experts are generally small enough
to be quantitative and are more or less
cheaply corrected without forcing sea
changes in social direction. When the
economic experts set their sights on a four
percent rate of unemployment among а
work force of 75,042,000 and a 314 percent
ие results tead, the miscalculation
stirs up more or less good-natured second-
guessing among the professional frater-
nity, but no permanent harm is done and
no upheaval is forced, But when the com-
plaint is tolerated at the policy level and
the necd for a cure is denied until the
numbers themselves become less important
than the condition of joblessness the
problem outgrows the reach of quan,
and its solution becomes de-
new qualitative analysis
by new policy makers. Social breakdowns
enough to be demoralizing result from
policy failures: like the Depression, these
breakdowns too big to need measuring.
If experts at the computer-tending lev-
el could only be assured that their clients
at the policy-making level would ask
them the relevant questions, they could
assure their clients that they would always
come up with workable recommendations.
The difficulty built into communication.
between experts and their clients—partic-
ularly berween economic and military ex-
peris and their political clients—ariscs
from the fact that the formulation of
policy generally requires an exercise in
qualitative analysis, while its implemen-
tion at the working level always calls
lor quantification. by the technical май.
But again and again, the politicians put
their experts to work quantifying old
problems after the politicians have already
moved on to the formulation of new ones.
This was what went wrong during the
formative phase of the Vietnam crisis. It
was where Johnson went wrong and it was
how he misled his experts. Alter he set
out to win the war Vietnam, he told
his economic advisors to take the measure-
ments of the Great Society—as if he
meant 10 keep the war small enough. to
spire the economists the need to worry
about it. Moreover, he neglected to alert
is economic advisors to the advice he
was gett from his military chiefs that
the war was winnable. The patter of his
running dialog with che members of his
Pentagon team went on about “how
much more we need to do to scare them
ofi" and "if we do a little more, maybe
they'll back off.” Bill Moyers, who was
Johnson's most intimate staff aide at that
Stage of his Presidential carcer, and also
the one most alert to the entrapment
threatening in Vietnam and most anx
ious for a commitment of priorities 10
domestic welfare projects, looked back
on what happened during that fateful
time as "an expression of the worst. side
of Johnson's nature, as a commitment to
action for action's sike. He got in too
сср and kept getting in deeper,” Moy-
ers recalled early in the Nixon Adminis.
tration, “without having any idea how
he meant to get out.” At the same time,
the better side of Johnson's nature led
him to reach, with frenetic overenthu
siasm, for sycophantic exercise in utopian-
ism, publicized at the time as “the TVA
on the Mekong Delta.” A former New
Deal assistant to Abe Fortas, by that time
à permanent United Nations official, had
presented the Mekong Delta project to
Johnson as reassurance that, like Roosevelt
before him. he could, indeed, keep his war
an authentic New Deal crusade, Of course,
his economic advisors could meanwhile
have read in the publ ts that Gen
eral Goodpaster was insisting publicly.
s all the generals were advising Johnson
n private, that “Victory сап be won in
Vietnam."
As the great debate over Vietnam
flared up and superseded every other
consideration, first establishing the war
as the issue and then focusing on John-
son's plausibility as the issue overshad.
owing even the war, Johnson's most
authoritative spokesman was Defense Sec
retary Robert McNamara. By that time,
McNamara had become de facto deputy
President by virtue of his self.advertised.
reputation for expertise in quantitative
analysis. McNamara employed the logic
of the computer to minimize the impor-
tance of Vietnam. The smaller he
daimed it to be in public (while in
private supporting the assertions of the
generals that making it bigger was the
way to win it), the less of a diversion
critics could charge it was from the man-
dare Johnson had won in 1064. Me
Namara's response to the passions stirred
up by the Administration's miscalcula.
n in Vietnam was to present а rat
If the Gross National Product had come
to be counted in the hundreds of bil
ns, the budgeted cost of Viernam
could still be reckoned as a nominal
percentage (which he originally calculat-
ed at nine percent when Vietnam м
admited to be costing only 20 billion
dollars a vcar, and which he adjusted
downward by something like half when
the real cost of the war was admitted to
be something like twice as much, justify-
ing the statistical exercise because the
resultant inflation had driven the Gros:
ional Produc up more). If the budg-
eted сом of Vietnam was admittedly
aeeping upw ага
nevertheless ће С
was continuing to jump by tens of bil
lions at a anteeing to keep the
burden In other words, Mc
Namara invoked the very inflation Viet-
nam had irritated to talk down the
alarm the war provoked and to demoi
strate that its impact was ea
fact, it was sharpening
Despite the pretensions of the war-
game players, the logic of the computer
is singularly unsuited for analyzing the
complicated phenomenon of warmak-
ing. War is not an abstract hypothesis or
a rigorously rational proposition. Wars
and crises are infections, and their logi
is the logic of pathology. The question
about a war or a crisis arising fro
is whether the head of the government
has the power to localize it- as, for ex
ample, Bismarck demonstrated that he
had and as, in fact, Johnson admitted
that he did not, when he and McNamara
based their dealings with Russia on the
assumption that she would take time out
from arming his enemy to end his war
a war
for him. A war is the military equivalent
of an infection. If localized, it calms
down and is forgotten: if not, it flares up.
and becomes a carrier of poison through-
out the system. McNamara's blunder lay
in confusing the algebra measuring the
infected area with the pathology of the
infectious process. Т. had manage
to localize his Korean War militaril
even though his economic mobilization
for war represented a studied exercise in
expansion. Nevertheless, notwithstanding
the massive inflationary consequences ої
the Korean economic mobilization, the
crisis was limited in its military, political
and economic consequences, so that the
test of strength in Korea did not weaken
the American social system to the poi
of exposing it to an infection too viru
lent to be confined.
The paradox of Johnson's Viet
war (he bitterly resented that desi
tion, insisting that America’s
war" just as American opinion was rep
diating the war) was that, while it re-
mained limited militarily, not
remain limited socially. More p doxicil
yet, the restraint that limited its military
scope was the very infection its economic
and intellectual backlash spread through
America’s social system. The infection
proved Johnson's promise 10
create a Great Society and, in the process.
it killed America's older promise 10 ad.
minister the Pax Americana.
Because MeNamara's appeal to the
quantitative logic of the computer ig
nored the qualitative logic of the spr
of a virulent infection, Johnson was u
prepared to see his commitment 10 Viet
nam become so ow i
reversed his domestic
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PLAYBOY
Flame Grain
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frustrated his original commitments to
stabilize the economy and to expand it to
the ghetto. The ideals of America’s Afflu-
nt Socicty had wandered far afield in the
decade since its age of innocence, when,
under the protective cover of Eisenhow.
trs assurance of Peace and Prosperity.
Galbraith had discussed its conspicuous
virtues. Johnson's calculated exercise in
T deception—no doubt it was also
personal. selfdeception—
aganda about paci
ion in Vietnam as if Saigon could be
chandised as a model city for democ-
тасу in the Asiatic jungle. This bet that
it could doomed the hope that America
ld finance model cities for itself in
me to shield its affluence from the d.
spair and violence latent in Ameri
=
С oe
n
society. Jolinson's miscalculations reversed
the terms of the test of strength he had CONCENTRATED GOLDEN BREATH DROPS
set out to impose on Vietnam. The ques-
tion he had originally posed—about how
long North Vietnam could stand the str
-became the question he forced Amer
to ponder for itself.
Johnson's failure, which led to Nixon's
takeover, confronted not merely Nixon
but every participant in the crisis over
which Nixon found himself presiding. | | | Great on lapel, coat, tle
left a legacy of "instant ||| or sweater. TWi50 $5.
Pass а law and solve a ||| Pleste add 500 for hanclieg.
Б Ө Please send check or mone;
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ANTISOCIAL
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‘The Playboy Pin in
Florentine gold finish
goes anywhore you go.
problem. Actu
of an American tradition, far predati The Playboy Building, o10 1
j ; à ichigan Ave., Chicago, Ш.
Lyndon Johnson. Slavery had represent: | | | Michigan Ave. Chicogo, М
cd an obvious abuse; and, after the abo- | | (Keyholders may charge.
litionists and the moderates had fi
combined at great cost to legislate
prohibition against it, it remained an
obvious abuse, but at least it was illegal
In the post-Civil War cra, big-business
combinations had made too much of a
good thing for themselves and enough of
3 bad thing lor others to pose a problem.
Legislation—all the way from the crea
tion of the Interstate Commerce Сот
mission to the reduction of the tariff—
had promised to solve the problem. But, || magazine wrapper to this form and include
as the lawyers se was won and || both old and new address.
the client rex ation, =
The most celebrated fiasco of instant
lawmanship was staged during the com:
bined phase of synthetic hedonism and
puritanical rei intained the
“noble experiment,” as it was called, i
the prohibition of alcoholic beverages
Alcoholism had been identified as a so.
cial abuse, and therefore the hoodlums
made common cause with the reformers
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to pass a law that made the bootleggers || "^^ oe
rich and gave organized crime its start а
a major growth business. ao
Franklin Roosevelt's New Deal was || zx s un
addicted to instant lawmanship—it was
sophisticated in its standard technique of || NEW ADDRESS
mobilizing redundant legislative programs
to fill the gap left by ineffective and self || аә
contradictory economic policies, Roose
s repeated response to evidence of || Aer
pgishness in the economy was to pass
a new set of laws to create a new set of || Fw Е Tip tote
Mail to: PLAYBOY
919 N. Michigan Ave. + Chicago, Illincis 60611
alphabet agencics, instead of groping for
simple policies that would avoid such
increasingly complicated and unworkable
administrative complexes. Truman had
an alibi for his systematic retreat from
policy making to slogan slinging while he
out Roosevelted Roosevelt in his advocacy
of instant lawmanship. He was happily
spared the responsibility for administering
the lost causcs that he fought for during
his term.
When Eisenhower's turn came, he
hewed stubbornly to one policy line:
never to yield to the temptation to be
drawn openly into a military engage
ment. (His startup venture in Vietnam
was an exception to his policy only in
substance, because the commitment was
Kept secret.) In the domestic area, he
substituted drift for both policies and
programs,
Kennedy had captured the imagina-
tion of the country on TV at a time of
critical transition from the years of Eisen-
hower's passivity, when the overorganiza-
n of society had left the individuals in
it haunted by a sense of inadequacy, if
not downright irrelevance. At the level
of popular fantasy, Jack and Jackie had
staged a revival of the glamorous legend
of Camelot, in modern dress and in real
life, for everyone to see. To their fellow
adventurers in opinion making, they had
promised, as Gloria Steinem said, nothing
less than a new Periclean age.
Like Kennedy, Johnson started out by
captur оп of the coun-
пу. Unlike Kennedy, he owed the hold
he won on public confidence to no glam-
orous posturings. On the contrary, his
personality w ght repulsive, em-
bodying the typical television watcher's
caricature of a political wheeler-dealer.
But for just this reason, Jolinson gener-
ated a distinctive and respectful appeal,
which was irresistible while it ted.
The public's confidence in Johnson last-
ed as long as Johnson's poli mi
worked where it counted—with Congress
—and not a day longer, Kennedy had
represented a reversion to the Truman
technique of instant lawmanship advo-
cated but not passed—and thus not
needing to be administered. Johnson
represented a reversion to Roosevelt's
reliance upon legislative overkill; Jike
Roosevelt, Johnson got his laws passed,
and thus was held responsible for admin-
istering them. And like Roosevelt, John-
son ran his version of instant lawmanship
without policy guidance. No one could
have passed more laws than Johnson, but
the policies he stumbled into finally ne-
gated the benevolent thrust of them all.
Looking back on Johnson's 1964 hon-
eymoon with Congress, while he was still
g his former associates to legis-
te Kennedy's programs, one after the
other, Danicl Patrick Moynihan recalled
that what surfaced as the all-important
poverty legislation “represented not 2
“This sure beats watching Fred and Betsy next door
choice among policies so much as a
collection of them.” Legislative action
for action’s sake, Moynihan complained,
сате to dominate а program-packaging
Operation, so that priority of purpose
vas lost in the ensuing shuffle of excite-
ment.
The average voters who gave Johnson
a good "job rating” —until they turned
against him and wanted 1
not know how Johnson did his job any
morc than he knew how to explain i
to them. They were the members of
what David Riesman called "the lonely
стома”; and they participated in i
moods and decisions in the sol
finement of their living rooms, linked to
опе another, to the White House and to
the violence in Vietnam and in the
streets by the television tube. The insti-
tutionalization of the modern television
audience built a sensitive and continu-
ous new dependence on political man-
agement into economic society. Many
provocative old themes and slogans won
an uneasy new lease on life—subject to
the moods and whims of the well-fed,
respectable, tranquilized mob whose mem-
bers depended on television for their
connection with the worlds of both reality
and make-believe, A continuous circus was
staged. The spectators could not be manip-
ulated by rations of bread—they had all
the cake they could eat.
Every man's home had become a castle
crackling with power. Every man could
play at being a king, sitting in front of
the tube, enforcing his decrees on politi-
cians, policies, products and the pollsters
who rate them all. The kingfish in the
White House was on notice that any
management failure on his part would
turn the lonely crowd into a lynch mob.
To keep them quiet and watching from
outside the orbit of power, a manipula-
tor was wanted at its center—and, in the
person of Lyndon Johnson, he was ap-
preciated for what he was as long as he
functioned as what he was. Before the
loose alliance of the establishment of
bignes—beginning with Big Gover-
ment, including Big Business, Big Labor,
Big Agriculture, and by no means ex-
duding Big Education and Big Welfare
—faced the challenge to grow into the
239
PLAYBOY
240
п could be trusted to hold it Io,
nd by the evidence that the economic
pudding being enjoyed by everyone had
been baked by the experts who talked
only to him. ieties had tried and
iled to fulfill the promise of continuous
ovement toward a beter life for their
citizens. But they, less ambitious than
the Affluent Socicty, had aspired merely
to continuous betterment, not absolute
atness.
In order to tranquilize and lead the
Affluent Society, Johnson needed only to
finance his programs to provide policy
continuity for his experts and atmospher
ic continuity for his crowd of silent fol-
lowers. The mechanics of fiscal politics
had replaced the need Гог any philoso-
phy of social purpose—that is, as long аз
the mechanics of fiscal politics worked.
The mechanics ol fiscal politics had
become the qrucial framework holding
the Affluent Society together as the plau-
sible precursor. to that Great Society over
the horizon. And, for a brief time, fiscal
politics did wot miraculous del
of remembered assertions a
reassertions about the economic equiva-
the law of gravity. Suddenly,
went up did not come crashing
down. As long as these policies worked,
the momentum of money flows
the economy was accepted as а reli
measure of the effectiveness of nationa
purpose.
If, however, the methods of politics
iled to finance the continuous
nd if the lonely, well-fed, well-
anquilized, respectable army
ating in the TV fun turned vio-
lent and took to the streets, no counter-
violence ordered from Washington could
hope to rule it. But as long as the Big
Society looked better th it was and
had a chance to grow into a Great Socie
ty withour falling apart, Johnson w
free 10 govern its members, to keep his
mandate and to hold the Affluent Society
together as a going society. It was intelli-
gible philosophically and it was doable
politically. It was not too good to be
true, but it did depend on what Lyndon
Johnson's sponsor and mentor, Franklin
Roosevelt, liked to call “an Шу proposi-
tion.” For the trouble was that the inde-
pendence that the Affluent Society gave
its President from the politics of pi
ple left him dependent on the experts
шей the practical mechanics
G
s
litically, Johnson was as vulnerable to
violent change as he seemed invulnera-
ble, as long as he operated behind the
ade of continuity. Socially, the vencer
of the Affluent Society was as flimsy as it
seemed solid, When the political storm
that drove Johnson from power cracked
society's surface, it revealed а whirl of
confusion and activity against а back-
ground that was big, rich and prone to
violence—but no long:
Johnson's failure determined the shape
of the challenge Richard Nixon found
awaiting him. In assessing the options
open to him for selecting the areas of
nd «апре, nt lawman-
ship obviously seemed the course to avoid.
For after a full generation of growth,
the apparatus of Big Government had
taken on clepl
one of its functions—from the making
of strategic policy to manning the cnd-
les «тшу quilt of duplicative and com-
peting welfare agencies, and including the
agendes wielding the authority to regu-
lare the various sectors of the economy
and to finance the Government—had lost
the capacity to work with one another,
much less to work toward the solution of
the problems plaguing American sodety.
Kennedy's characteristically ironical com-
plint, uttered in reaction to his own
recognition that his Administration was
developing into an exercise in showman-
ship rather than performance. was that the
President, although expected to run id
Government, could no longer even find
out what was going on inside it. Johnson
subsequently insisted that he not only
could manage Government by meddling
in it at all levels but that he meant to
know every last detail of what. was going
on inside it, right down to what he could
fathom from personal scrutiny of the
daily logs the White House drivers
turned їп, in order that he might check
up on who had been driven where and
when, The reaction of the Nixon Ad-
ministration was less personal and more
in keep h the professional ch
ter of namely, that mer
identify the cndless administrative
of the Federal apparatus was enough to
explain the impossibility of making any
of them work.
In an interview 1 published with Dr.
Arthur Burns, President Nixon's counse-
lor, in the May 8, 1969, Chicago Tribune,
Burns summed up a new Administration’s
problems in. this way:
arms
There
nuity in American govei
is both good and bad. Ad-
ministration appoints new Cabinet
members, They come from all wal
of life and the st know very
little about the intricacies of their
new jobs. They depend on assistants
to fill them in, and these in turn.
depend on their assistants. Conse-
quently, you get a cadre of career.
staff people who stay on from Ad-
tion to Administration and.
provide continuity. The drawback is
that they become entrenched and
given to doing things in their own
way, so that when a new Cabinet
member wants to make changes, he
has trouble getting his staff to go
along.
n ext
A new
The pendulum had, indeed, swun;
ncc Roosevelt had жї out in 1933 to
make Government effective by giving it
morc jobs to do. Nixon set out to make
Government. more elfective by stripping
it down to workable simplicity. The root
of the difficulties Nixon faced grew from
three decades of simplistic faith in in-
stane Tawmanship. Each new assurance,
from Roosevelt to Johnson, that a prob-
lem had been solved because а law had
heen passed achieved a brief publicrela-
tions success for the lawmaker; and cach
success transferred the burden of respon-
sibility—and the onus of prospective
bankruptcy—to the innocent and help-
less arms of the bureaucratic octopus
charged with fulfilling the promises of
instant lawmanship. Roosevelt made the
most of this buck-passing process to shift
the burden of responsibility from his
Presidency to the Government bureaus
wl tss appro-
ed their money. In his Sen
Johnson had parlayed his powe
legislative leadership and а passive Р
dency into an empire strong enough to
supplement, if not actually to rival, the
Presidency itself. Bur when he fell heir
to the Presidency, he, too, exploited the
technique of instant lawmanship то saddle
the executive арр h the
sibility for future aimlessness of purpose
and paralysis of function. The a
ments of instant lawmanship proved
er 10 legislate than to opera
Nixon was shrewd enough to opt for
atus м
respon-
policy making as the source of his own
expertise. He stood pat on programs and
concentrated on finding policy priorities.
‘The prudence that prompted Nixon to
draw back from the expected speculation
on instan lawmanship drew critical fire.
But his selection of priorities drew the
ines of battle [or the 1972 Presidential
contest before 1969 was many months
oll. "De-nothi not the issue
ised against Nixon, alance, he
had far and away the wi
argument. provoked by his г tion
of instant lawmanship. His critics bene-
fied from the freedom his emphasis оп
policy gave them to concentrate their fire
on his priorities; and his policy-making
operation benefited reciprocally from their
aiticsm. The old war he had
Vietnam started out claiming hi
priority; and the new war he had pro-
claimed against inflation claimed
second priority. "People" finished a poor
third, But the expers in each area
finished first—both in the department of
wa
On
policy making and in the department of
ex-
policy implementation, where the
perts are preeminent. Altogether, th
fore, while Nixon's strategy for harnessing
the uses of Presidential power benefited
from Johnson's failure, he himself had
ignored Johnson's advice.
KLM suggests
you choose a
Next time you fly, you can choose
from 20 different stewardesses. In
20 different uniforms. And 20 different
nationalities. How? Simply by specifying
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But figures reveal that most
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we don't think it's fair. Because the
stewardesses who really try hard never
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women.
Now we ask you to take a stand.
Next time you book an airline ticket, tell
your travel agent which airline you'd
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Why do we bother with all this?
steady”
Perhaps pride. We'd like to think
that if you fly KLM, it's not just a happy
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EU
12
А THE BEACH they
say It’s the iodine
in the air.
But Switzerland,
for all its merchant
navy. hasn't a drop
of ocean. So it must
be the ozone ii
Alpine air. the
scanty oxygen that
Keeps the red cor-
puscles stirring. Or something.
Why сїзє should thousands of
otherwise quite normal people leave
their luxurious abodes for regions
remote from any city. where, to make
matlers worse, deep snow is assured,
and the view completely blocked by
13,000-foot mountains:
Why else do you suppose air-con-
ditioned city-dwellers of all nations
bare their faces (though admiltedly
their heavily greased faces) to the sun,
and endure this torment hour after
hour? Surely not just so that back at
home people can see they ve. been
enjoying Swiss air (two words).
Swiss Alpine air must be habit-
forming. Or could it be something
more than air that leads people to
strap 7-foot boards on heavy boots
and go roaring down mountainsides—
and then, in their hard-earned plaster
casts, to proclaim the ski instructor
who taught them all this the hero of
the day, and not of the d lone?
ax
Swissair grieves to
admit that Swiss winter
holidays are just the
way you thought.
One begins to feel there must be
a reason behind all this activity that
goes by the low-key name of “winter
holid. in Switzerland". There is,
too. But eternal vigilance is the price
of revelry. The winter-holiday para-
dise is open only to those (be they
rich or poor) who have completed
their day's stint on the trail. the race
track, the rink, the bob-run, the
swimming-pool.or the massage table.
Paradise opens its gates about
5 p.m.. and is called après-ski. What,
then, is aprés-ski?
Après-ski is when you're too tired
to do anything sensible. but still in
trim, through rigorous training. to
do something foolish. 24
іп
Aprés-ski is doing
the evening what
you've spent all =
Jay recover- 2
day recover- —/,
ingtrom.
And 24
re- d
E ori
Please clip and send to:
Swissair/VA
P.O- Box
3058 Zurich Airport
Switzerland
covering from what
you've been doing all
day.
Après-ski is a
midwinter — night's
dream. service сот-
pris. Catch as catch
can for social posture
and position. All's fa
Après-ski is more
than that. But you
cant find out about it unless you go
après-skiing yourself. Nobody will
tell vou. Even a hotelier who serves
you in six languages will clam up
about this in seven, like a Swiss bank.
| — Honni soit qui mal y pe our
| French Swiss might say but probably
won't. Is the ozone in the
Swis:
tallyho, old
bean,
Yours,
Swiss-
air.
Dear Swissair, y
Im rot thinking of what you're thinking of
Besides, Pow do you know | imagine winter
holidays in Switzerland that way?
Look here, there are people with wives and
children who have Pamed a rest, and none of
This aprés sio stuff
But be thet as it may, kindly send me the bro-
chure so expressively. entitled “Snowbeach’
Which tells all about winter holidays in Switzer
lard, Thanks awfully.
Adaross:
сау
Country
“Im kept pretty busy. In the afternoons there's Dr. Jekyll
and in the evenings. . . .”
241
PLAYBOY
242 ten enlightened ex
OH! CALCUTTA! Continued from page 167)
parody of а Mastersand-Johnson sex
experiment (written by novelist Dan
Greenburg, to give credit or discredit
where due) as “the scene where a girl
comes in for shock therapy
raped.” There is somethi
too, for the observation of Pearl Вай
Broadway's Dolly and a stubbornly loy
wile, who remarked crypt
five boys together and they still wouldn't
make опе Louis Bellon.
More positive responses came from
shapely Shirley MacLaine, who
the show two nights running and vowed
to make herself available for the movie
version (and after this breakthrough,
don't bet there won't be one), $
Jacob Javits ("very interesting”), Rudolf
Nureyey (Oh, those beautiful, beautiful
nd Jerome Robbins (“a
. At one performance, dur-
ing the nude finale, comedian Buddy
Hackett was sufficiently moved to shout
from the audience, “This is the best
show I've ever seen But
Shelley Winters may have offered the
definitive word about the business of
performing in the bull. Quoth Shelley,
“I think it is disgusting, shameful and
damaging to all things American, But
if 1 were 29, with a great body, it would
be a ‚ tasteful, patriotic and a pro-
essive religious experience.
Whether the show consistently pro-
vides the "elegant erotica" Tynan prom-
ised as a means of bridging the titillation
gap seems pretty trivial im retrospect,
compared with its effectiveness as an
uthentic Happening. When Oh! Cal-
cutta! was only а fatherly gleam in his
суе, Tynan wrote, "lt occurred to me
that there was no place for a civilized
man to take
a civilized woman lor an
ulation.
nan (“the Joseph
оГ the flesh peddlers,” said
Time aitic T. E. Kalem, after hearing
him proselytize at lunch) was so bedaz-
zled by his own propaganda that he led
t [rom the one
by Jacques
spectacle q
‘conceived and
Levy, a Ph.D. in psychology who left the
ger Foundation for the headier
success of such productions as Scuba
Duba and America Hurrah.
As interpreted by Levy and a dozen
irce-associating writers, Tynan’s vision of
an evening dedicated to “the joyful na-
ture of sex . . . the pursuit of happiness
through sex" came out redolent with
sexual hang-ups. The results аге proba-
bly truer and more relevant than orig
ly intended, but how do you explain
that to an audience primed by advance
publicity to expect a phallic Magic Flute?
OM! Calcutta! is stunning whenever its
bitionists Паши their
sex (to tantalizing music by а group called
The Open Window). improv
dent remarks and challenging any
deny the pure beauty and innocence of
their nakedness. The trouble occurs when
they put their clothes on and expose the
fact that the writers’ words have often
failed them.
Gauging the show's ultimate success as
an aphrodisiac is difficult, to say the
least. Screw, the underground newspaper
dedicated to the joys of croticism, graces
all entertainment on a graphic Peter-
Mete reacts in the usual way. Oh!
Calcutta! rated a whopping 91 percent,
if that helps you. Though I wasn't
turned on to any degree worth mention-
ing, 1 was decidedly tuned in to the
people onst well as grateful that
they seemed delighted to do their thing
and leave me to mine, without any of
ing Theater Hove-you jazz about
w the barriers between and life.
Ollstage, the performers exhibit traces
of missionary zeal as a result of th
participation in a sort of psychod
conducted by Levy during casting and
rehearsals. The first мер for each actor
who had got safely past the acting, sing-
nd dancing auditions was a nude
isation—il’s a day when зотс-
thing wonderful has happened, you're
bathing alone in a sylvan pool and com-
posing а letter to a loved опе. Alter that
сате the rehearsal per
sessions of grope therapy simi
practiced at the Esalen Institute. in Big
Sur, with the actors initially opening one
nother's robes or sitting in a circle. eves
dosed, tying to relate, crying.
beautiful. Two of the fellows would w
up
r to those
a freckle-laced Texan whose down-home
drawl and bifocals make her seem a life-
of-the-party girl in wallflower’s disguise.
Once away from the theater during
the touchy rehearsal period, members of
the cast were strictly forbidden to frater-
nize, a Levy edict that caused some
grumbling Undertones of discontent can
still be detected in conversations with
bearded Mark Dempsey, an acor bom
to play handsome devils, who fecls that
the company was overpsychologized and
underrehearsed, and might have garnered
beter reviews if it hadn't wasted so
much time in therapy, Few of his col-
leagues would agree. “Personally and
professionally, this is the most sati
thing L have ever done,”
sfyi
3
says Leon Rus-
som, an articulate young blade who has
left his wife since he went into Oh!
Calculta!, and adds, "We are all more
aware of ourselves as sexual beings. The
men were always more reticent than
the women about exposing themselves,
both physically and emotionally. Even
now, the girls are freer open
about speaking up to a guy they might
want to make it with, though there's not
so much of that anymore,"
Nancy ‘Tribush, described as a №
married lady i y
singles, is unabashed when her a
band asserts that before
е, she was “a profession;
who has found a fresh outlook on
in the raw. Nancy's closest brush w
embarrassment, though the incident
secms to amuse her now, came as a result
of her bare, bottomside-up appearance
in a sketch called Who: Whom, written
by пзе (I swear it but
sworn not to reveal my source),
turned- sts view of free choice.
As a Phi Beta Kappa and хитта cum
laude graduate of Brooklyn College,
Nancy was surprised to learn that she
had won a dishonorable mention in this
year ldress for
posi buttocks every night on the
stage of the Eden Theater.” Display
his, though, has taken years off comi
Bill Macy—at 47, the oldest actor in the
show—who has dropped pounds and
picked up a good deal of speed and
style, offstage and on, in amiable compe-
tition with men and birds many years
his junior.
Unless the police interfere with their
act—which seems unlikely. since produc-
cr Elkins cannily called on the cops and
sundry protectors of the public morals to
drop by for consultation during 41 pre
views—the performers can settle down for
a long, profitable run, interrupted onl
by ringing telephones and heavy corre-
spondence. Letters from home are a
problem for some of the girls, whose par-
ents tend to view their present employ-
ment with apprehension. Pinned to the
mirror in her dressing room (if one can
still call it that), Katie Diew-Wilkinson,
m ebullient English kewpie, displays а
crisply worded letter from her father, who
suggests that she change her name. And
no one escaped the ire of a Mrs. Smith,
who wrote a vulgar note to each perform-
er, under a Waldorf Towers letterhead,
wishing them everything from incurable
cancer to perpetual banishment from the
centers of Western civilization, “1 want-
ed to answer her and say thanks,” says
Margo, "keep those letters and postcards
rolling in, folks."
Whatever they were like before, today
the cast members appear unencumbered
by cither inhibitions or euphemisms, and
their air of rich communal mystery
might well intimidate an outsider who
customarily goes around fully dressed,
Invited backstage during a performance
one balmy evening, 1 made my way to
the Eden Theater, an appropriately re-
christened burlesque house on Second
Avenue in the Past Village, somewhere
between the Reno Chophouse and the
Sock It To Me! boutique. With absolute-
ng hanging out save my PLAYBOY
ials and а new blue tie, I stood
in the shabby wings, while actors elfected
exits and entrances, Except for the fact
that Bob Hope, Gina Lollobrigida and
Johnny Carson were supposed to be out
front that night, it was just another
performance. And 1 noticed things:
Two elderly stagehands doze on a flow-
ered sofa that is used for a wifeswapping
orgy in the middle of the first act. A
nude actress steps up to the water cooler
beside them, but they appear oblivious
to her.
Onstage, playing an irascible fetishist
a sketch by Jules Feiffer, Alan Rach-
s shouts, “You only fuck for compan-
ionshipl" Stage manager Greg Taylor
laughs.
Stark-naked on her way to a costume
change, Katic stops to confide that she is
thinking about her fantasy for the m:
turbation sketch. Seems the actors
provise their own words, changing from
show to show. “We just whatever
comes into our heads. I Т have a friend
in the audience, as I do tonight, T say
something sort of related.” Later, I hear
Katie getting a solid laugh with, "We
were fucking in the flickering light of
the Johnny Carson show.”
Because Bob Hope is, indeed, out front,
Leon expresses concern about the timing
of his monolog.
im-
say
Bodies, bodies everywhere, and no one
the least bit self-conscious. Me neither; I
am used to it now. Walter Kerr was
wrong. I learn, about the dearth of
erections (“Impotence is what is finally
celebrated in all of these ventures”). The
guys admit it happens all the time and
the girls help them cover up, because the
New York district attorney's office disap-
proves of onstage tumescence.
Someone invites me, facetiously, of
course, to join the "fuck linc," the cast’s
code phrase for the finale, a chain of
nude bodies in a rousing simulated orgy.
Very few visitors backstage afterward.
Gina left at the intermission. Carson
never showed at all. Hope relays an
equivocal message: He, too, wants to do
the movie version.
Leon is scarcely out of the shower when
a tall dark girl appears at the crack of his
dressing-room door. She is a friend of
someone he knows on The Paris Review.
Fast hello and good night. Leon shru
“You never know whether to cover your-
self with the towel or what. Not too many
people come back. I think they're uncasy
in this little subculture of ours
Nude actors sound quite vulnerable
when they begin to wonder about the
value of what they are doing. “The houses
re full,” Katie observes, “but are we
in a success or a peep show?" Mark, who
is a friend of Nureyev's, insists that the
Russian dancers enthusiasm for Oh!
Calcutta? will prompt him to perform a
nude ballet of his own within a year or
two (and even the show's coolest critics
have agreed that it frames a compelling
case for nudity in dance). English actor
Nicol Williamson has hinted that he may
consent to do a nude version of Рготе
theus Bound.
If there were nothing else to commend
it, and there is. Tynan's futtering brain
child might claim distinction as а break
through in equal rights for women, who
have waited centuries to ogle males for
the sheer pleasure of the sport, while
their menfolk told themselves that the
ladies didn't crave that sort of stimulus.
Which explains in part why women
(very few functioning as drama critics,
worse luck) respond as enthusiastically as
most of them do to the purely physical
excitement of Oh! Calcutta! More impor
tantly, the show may prove a milestone in
the galloping sexual revolution and does
provide—with body English—a ringing
answer to those indefatigable puritans
who still complain in writing to the
Times that any further sexual freedom
marks a surrender to “our lower nature.”
It’s that sort of thinking that makes one
it to adopt “Oh! Calcutta"
Че ery.
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243
PLAYBOY
244
THE TRUTH (continued from page 104)
part of the O'Bower character and,
in tandem with an uncontrollable tem-
per, it had galloped him toward the
semi-exile of Bad G
outlandish, ersatz al
from the rubble that naughty Yank/
limey bombs had made, were again being
kissed by the ripplelipped Schmuck.
Colonel O'Bower, striding grimly along
the river's bank, going from his wife to
his geese, or vice versa, must have realized
that command of the 14th О. М.С. Reg-
iment (Armored) was, for a career soldier,
the end of the military line. Or perhaps
he realized nothing of the kind—which is
a conclusion I reached after nearly а year
as the O'Rower gooseboy, when
ble to observe him every single
ganderscented day, supplementing this
with the facts and rumors J collected by
keeping my mouth shut and my ears open
to the garrulitics of the Н.О. Co. mess.
At the start, he'd been that anomaly, a
rich boy who wanted to go to the M
tary Academy. In the
of a Regimental
whose fruit salad was garnished with a
Bronze Star, a Silver Star and the Disti
guished Service Cross. He returned to
the United States in 1947 as a light
colonel, promptly married one of the
richest, and definitely the ugliest, young
women in Illinois, and was ordered to
"Washington as an aide to the Joint
Chiels of Staff. A bird colonel's eagles
came with the assignment. Everything
was gold braid and glitter. The future
could only be a series of sunbursts.
BUT
(4 bit of foreboding music here, professor)
on a November
afternoon in 1949, a sunburst
(IMPLODED!)
“At the tone, the time will be fifty-nine minutes and fifty seconds
after seven ... At the tone, the time will be eight o'clock, exactly
...At the tone, the time will be ten seconds after eight
oe lel DOG HARE &
when he interrupted a minor interservice
agreement in a rear admiral's office by
y captain arsey-versey
straight into а 1”=1’ scale model of
the Bonhomme Richard, which smashed
the artifact into dry flot
cluded the discussion by
miral himself smack through the closed
oflice door. The story never leaked to the
newspapers, but muffled thunders were
heard in several arcane Pentagon nooks.
The Navy wanted Colonel O'Bower
swung from the nearest yardarm. The
If angry, half amused, stalled
mphed, then harrumphed and
stalled some more.
No action, pro or con, had been taken
when the colonel escorted his hideous
heiress wife to the Army-Navy football
game, where Mis. O'Bower, although
swathed in the most expensive furs, ri
aged to catch a chill that shivered
pneumonia. Within a week, despite all
the uniformed medical vailable
at Walter Reed Hospita the spate
of civilian specia
their gaudy Atlantic Supermetropolis
practices, she was as dead as Croesus
daughter. Her grieving husband had to.
be forcibly restrained from strangling
the trio of physicians who had supervised
her ultimate agonics.
Colonel O’ Bower's superiors, sympa-
thizing with his sorrow and perhaps ap-
preciative of the unexpected increase of
his personal wealth, let him off with
nothing worse than a reprimand for his
carcless handling of explosive Naval per
sonnel. At the outbreak of war in Koi
however, the swiftness and secrecy wi
which he irlifted from a clean desk
mic Washington to a dirty regi-
mental C. P. in the miasmic Pusan perim-
eter surprised суеп the generals who'd
planned the transfer. Speed and subter-
fuge had been necessary, of course. Hf the
Navy had had the scoop that a kicker of
rear admirals’ rears was in flight acros
Pacific, orders would undoubtedly
have been issued from Pearl Harbor 10
blow the lubberly bastard's planc out of
me it on the Russians. or
maybe the Red Chinese.
The O'Bower performance in Korea
was, for the most part, that of an 88mm
field a war. By the time
the two sides set up light housekeeping
at Panmunjom, he'd lost an eye in a fire
fight outside Seoul and a frostbitten toe
near the Yalu River. The former got him
a compensatory duster for his D. S.
The latter didn’t even get him a Pu
ple Heart. When the ceasefire finally
brought the fighting to an end, he was a
tempor adier general, command-
ing а nondescript force of reconnaissance
groups and assault teams that, due to
the frontline tenacity of the teeming
the
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PLAYBOY
246
Chinese, lı
d very little terrain in which
to reconnoiter and no urge at all to
assault it, And the frozen eagles that
dung to his shoulders on his 1053 home
coming were the same ones he'd
ken to
the Far East with him. The brigadier’s
s stayed in Asia.
isons were given for Colonel
ining
in view of his origi
blocks. For instance, 1 h
grade, especially
t мап from the
d that Mac-
Arthur had been opposed to anyone not
ned
MacArthur ri
young itd the colonel was then
ing so high, so
n his
early 305. But, as Doug of the Shades had
been relieved. by Harry
1951, this versi
the Keys, back
like
me
cobweb sieve full of heavy wate
the Kitten on
n
wo other rumored incidents struck
being more ger
ne to the matter,
Brigadier General (Temp.) O'Bower, it
‘was reported, had once requested, through
ch.
anels, that every tenth
R. O.K. division be shot for cow-
сс,
after
the
unit.
nan in a cer-
had fallen
a few miles in disorder. The request was
refused, reasonably enough, whereupon
O Bower, flecks of froth at the corners of
s mouth, personally oversaw the mount-
ing of a machine gun on a jeep and
was on the point of attending to the job
himself when he was disuaded by a
delegation consisting of most of his com-
mand's field-grade officers. Their dissua-
sion took the form of
umil a platoon of MPs could
scene. Before dark, that same day, he was
en route to an R & R camp for Тор
Brass, a wellstalfed hotel in rural Japa
What he was sulfering from, presumably,
was а virulent strain of Combat Fatigue.
Alter а month of mysterious but
mate injections and Litle OneSided
Conversations with self-effacing psychia-
ists, interspersed by sessions with exqui-
tely adjustable girl bath attendants, he
was returned to his суст очі" woops—
his torso still pink from parboiling, his
brain apparently still unwashed and а
bu
How else is a girl going to meet a fellow in New York?"
latent physical interest in A-to-Ampersand
х aroused, God help us! forevermore.
The second supposed incident took
place shortly before the dancers lined up.
lor the Panmunjom Polka. One night
O'Bower, failing through the tenth
round of a losing bout with insomnia,
decided that his G-3—a competent but
highly suung colonel a dozen years older
than himsell —had. engineered the rejec-
tion of the O Bower R. O. К. Decimation
ad by the time dawn had made
tk once more over an
undeserving world, the vengeance of a
wronged Arthur O'Bower was
inescapably down the pike
went, neatly folded, into his footlocker,
while he devoted all but the four hours
each night he spent with his nodding
acqu ice, sleep, in translorming the
G-3's Ше ino a mirror image ol hell,
at the end ol six weeks, the List of
his victim's high strings snapped. The
poor tormented Fellow heisted a weapons
carrier, gunned it all out 10 the front
lines, sped howling down a mined road
between a bone-wcary brace of our de-
fense perimeters, miraculously fied to
blow himself up on a mine and, ten
seconds later, died with a pound o: lead
from Russian-made, Chineseoperated sub-
machine guns tipping his mortal scale
toward Jesus. From the brace of perime-
ters, thé remnant of a mauled Americ
battalion stopped. making dexlly noises
to watch with astonished interest what it
correctly assumed tu be the suicide of
some nut of a chicken colonel
The Going-Forth-By-Day of his G-3
may not have been inscribed on Colonel
O'Bowers Form 67-3, but word got
around, for all that—indeed, word did
get around. During Ше next 15 years,
the only occasions on which 1 the
interior of Pentagon were when,
between he visited more
tractable, chairborne friends, These as-
NMENTS, it was clear, were chosen to
keep him either out of the county or
out of sight, and mischief, in the boon-
docks, such as:
(A liile traveling music, professor, if
you don't mind)
1° GRIM MONTIS AND
MOSQUITOES ON THE ALASKAN PENINSULA.
Э THE STAFF cott rcr,
in whose boring classrooms he developed
ck of sleeping with his eye open.
3. MONTHS AS MILITARY
WITH THE 0 =. EMBASSY IN THE
AND MOST VIOLENT OF THE JUNTA-RULED.
LATIN-AMERICAN. DEMOCRACIES,
where the army officers who ran the
show had, as a Curtain raiser, settled the
debis they owed their political backers by
propping them against walls to serve as
targets in the marksmanship training of
recruits. This endearingly simple solu-
tion to a double problem filled Colonel
O Bowers heart with a warm glow of
e saw
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PLAYBOY
admiration—as it did the hearts of the
blanqueador lobbyists, moonlighting as
deputies in the new government, who
grew rich selling whitewash for red-
stained walls, Soon the colonel and the
members of the junta were getting on
famously together. O Bower was also get-
ting a great patriotic boot out of the
continuous head and spirit busting in the
facilitated as it was by loreign-
ielded
by cloddish soldiers and riot police in
for reign-aid U.S. Army uniforms dyed
boulevards from atrocity to atrocity in
U.S. Army tanks supplied, as might be
expected, through the ss of U.S.
PRAL-SPAPE SCHOOL
where, lulled by the instructors’ droning
voices, he refined his technique for
open-eyed sacking ou
5. А YEAR WITH A
ATTACHED TO THE
ESTABLISHMENT,
interrupted frequently and at length by
field studies of Istanbul bawdry-
6. ^ POSTING TO FORT BOSTON C. MUDD,
ON FLORIDA'S SOUTHEAST COAST,
the command,
IF. Colonel O Bower's ordinarily closed
fists, relaxed by the kinguorous ambi-
ance, handed. over nearly $100,000 for a
luxuriou er that
mightve пай that subsurface type, Cap-
tain Nemo, licking his envious svbarite
chops. The colonel liked to take anywhe
from two to ten permissive young crew-
women on weekend cruises, with himself
ss the only male aboard, during which
the jolly fellow dreamed up all sorts of
exotic games and goodies for his supple
and gluttonous crew.
But then, alas! there
D-TRAINING TEAM.
TURKISH MILITARY
general's
lv oufued cabin. er
day morning when the master of the
vessel failed to answer reveille at Fort
Boston C. Mudd. Late on Tuesday а
noon, а Navy helicopter located
ndoned са
lazy disint
bin auier, drifting with
the
з the direcrion of
Sargasso Sea; and an hour later,
chopper snarled) past a small. ur
ited key, the pilot, 1 ensign,
stared in four frantic and naked
gills, waving lithe arms zt him with
considerable urgency from the tiny beach
below. Standing broadside to this lus-
dions line, eying their bras and bikinis of
sunburned flesh with the aplomb of an
officer inspecting crack troops, was Colo-
nel Arthur O'Bower—diesed то the nines
in sharkskin loafers, permanent-cease nis
set slacks, a white T-shirt, a blazer broad-
ly striped in green and yellow, and a
dashing yachtsman's cap of midnight blue.
The grounds, the ens fter he'd
landed, had mot been policed: bedding,
awe a nic
noticed
248 empty bottles and items of bar equipment
were scattered over the hot sand. The
blushing ensign also thought that the
colonel acted as though he indulged
this sort of thing with some naked women
end—as he certainly had, but
tion might not have come
if the most unseaworthy of the
young ladies hadn't felt squeamish after
à night of continuously heaving herself
around in this berth or that, the motion
augmented by slow ocean swells. Colonel
O' Bower obligingly hove to off the tin
key; and before long, he had persuaded
all four young ladies to compete in a
naked swimming race to the key’s minute
beach. The winner was to get $100 and
First Dry-Land Go at their ruttish skip-
per, who, when he'd loaded the cabin
Cruisers dinghy with blankets and cush-
ions and buckets of ice cubes and some
bottles of Jack Daniel's best, favored h
good eye by rowing to sta
contestants. But after he
bottomed beauties had scamp
had liquored up, lounged in the sun,
entwined themselves together in several
curious amd imteresting ways and
dulged in some astonishing group-therapy
ties. the colonel was able to
his head from where it had been nes-
Uing, between the cloudless sky and а
succulent set of ischial tuberosities, just
tough to learn d
ор the cihin erniser’s ancho
had failed to haul the dinghy hig
enough up on the beach. As à result, the
former was almost below the casiern ho-
tizon and the kurer had. vanished com-
pletely. The sea horse and his redden
fillies were marooned.
When the story reached the Officers
Club at Fort Boston C. Mudd, a great
deal of envy was expressed about the way
the colonel had been himself
on recent weekends. Nevertheless, argu-
ments arose as to why he hadn't shielded
his companions breasts, buttocks and
bellies from the voyeurism of the sun
by a judicious sharing of his own gaudy
garments; and these disputes ended,
more ohen than not, with all par
sreeing that а clothing issue would
have been thoughtful, medicinal, the act
of a gentleman and the bounden duty
of any man holding a commission in the
Armed Forces of the United States of
Ame Army officers, it would
seem, still contain traces of what first
began to die at Crécy, long ago.
A moribund vestige of chivalry lurked
in the Topmost Brass of Fort Boston
G Mudd, as well; for after Colonel
O'Bower had spent Wednesd
sarily in the Ром Hospital,
t he'd forgotten
and
amusi
y unneces-
t an out-
eur salvag
g to put the
J equivalent of dead
Duying back his cabin cruiser
rageous price from some a
and
ers
craft.
storage, on Saturday morning, he was
checked into a C-183 Cargomaster as а
high-priority passenger, on his way to
7. A 12 MONTH STINT IN THE WOMANLESS
WASTES OF GREENLAND,
presumably as Our Man in Thule for
the Inspector General’s office, although
he had nothing to inspect but rocks or
now, depending on the season.
The arctic ice quickly thawed ont of
the colonel, however, dur
S. А SECOND THREE
IÈ IN
YEARS AS MILITARY
ane A CENTMAL-AMERICAN. BACK-
WATER,
where yet another med
with а phenome!
lence, kept the dirty, dark, devout and
illiterate citizenry moaning under a rusty
ron thumb. Again, the colonel found
himself in rapport with the hard cases
who called the tunes, in spite of the
tunes being mostly dirges. Asa matter of
fact, one rumor was that during an eve-
ning spent mixing the local brandy with
Japanese champagne, he told the jui
president—a captain of marines (in a
country that had по who still
held onto а sideline job
shopper for a chain of br
country had thousinds of (оз) ан
he was tempted ro resign his commission,
buy as much. as опе fourth of the land
was then хо gently admin
comparisonshopping ma-
rine and his cronies (including. of course,
опе fourth of ilic thousands of мше»),
d then settle down to live the Arthur
O'Bower version of the Really Good Li
But he didn't. No sooner had the
second of his 36 months ticked by, when
he was deposited i
VIETNAM
where the blind, lending the blind, had
drawn over half а million Americans in-
to а gig quicksand, cunningly dis-
cdl as a rice paddy. Here, the colonel’s
ion
on Korea’s mortared hills. Not only ene-
my soldiers but every Vietnamese m
woman and c fair game:
every vil у hut, was a
for arson, So Colonel O'Bower had
very pleasant time, until.—
Well, until he gave
interview to а New York Times co
respondent who, incidentally, was а
one-man dovecot when it came to U.S,
Involvement in Vietnam. The colonel
was quoted as saying that if we wanted to
win the war quickly, we should start by
shooting every fifth soldier in the South
Vietnamese amy, up to and induding
the goddamned yook generals. The gov-
ernment of goddamned gook generals
that happened to be m power in Saigon
that week screamed bloody murder, of
nd soon. Colonel Arthur O' Bower,
Stateside again, at
10. FORT ANTONIO LOPEZ DE SANTA ANA,
on-the-record.
“This is magnificent! I'll never watch real life again.”
249
PLAYBOY
250
a few miles inland from the seaside re-
sort of Vista de Hideputa, between Los
Angeles and the Mexican border. The
colonel occupied himself by netting
mariposas de amor occasionally, in and
nd that moth-eaten naturalists’ para-
He'd passed several months in this
Nabokovian pursuit when the Army, in
sheer desperation, shipped him 10
ll. THE QUARTERMASTER SUBSISTEN
SCHOOL,
ve him 24 weeks of Subsistence Tech-
nology courses, then shuttled him olf to
12. WEST GERMANY
and the Mth Q.M.C. Regiment (Ar-
mored). He'd been С. O. of this outfit for
two years and. was badly in need of a
(OK, profesor, ор the drums and
pick up the horns for honking)
brand-new gooscboy when
his remaining eye, keen as a falcon's, fell
on a chunk of meat freshly arrived, one
Pic. Beaudin P. Black.
(A rattle of asterisks, professor, to
accompany а quickstep)
ЕТТУ
СТТ
жекжат
(Thank you, professor, thank you very
much)
I'd no more than dumped my bags
and gear in the barracks when the
Charge of Quarters yelled at me to re-
port to Colonel O'Bower cn the double;
amd 1 wasn't hallway trough. my salute
when the colonel demanded: "Know any-
thing about gecse, soldier?”
"No, sir." I finished my
he didn't bother to return
ute, which
“Except that
when they hang high, it’s supposed to
me; у?
high, he snapped.
corruption. Godd
full of corruption these d
soldier?
"Yes, sir," I said.
‘The single, burning eye glared at my
throat. "I need a С. Q. for some damned
fine geese, understand? But I don’t want
а corupt опе. Last damned goose. Q.
came damned close to corruption, damn
him. You corrupt, soldier?”
“No, sir. Not yet, anyway.
“Hell of a thing, corruption. Shame-
ful.” He was rippling through my Army
records, which someone had brought to.
his desk. "Wounded in Vietnam, hey?
Good. At—at—at—ah, the hell with it.
Never could pronounce those goddamned
gook names.” He was glaring at
Hang
mned world’s
s. Kilow that,
"What's this item for two torn nurse's uniforms?”
“What I want, soldier. is
lc goose.C. Q. who's scen
rs the mind, combat does.
wound does, too.” Under a tent of close
throat again
copped the leathery
harmony of the colonels handsome,
weathered [ace was maned only by а
green eye patch (it was Monday: Green
Eye Patch Day); yet this blended so
beautifully with his bloodshot eyeball
that 1 had wistful thoughts of Christmas.
Colonel O'Bower was a Title man—five
feet aches tall and weighing in at
140 pounds, siy—but th ave been
some mighty tough runts running around
in history, and the colonel was as tough
as they came, with the temper of a hur
gry shrew and the charm of a starved
wolverine.
1 repeat, sir," I said,
bout geese.”
“You will, goddamn it. Stall se
rating comes with the assignment
Sir," J said hopelessly, "I mean it, sir.
1 don Та j
"Attention, soldier!
І don't know a
at's
The coloncl's eye
could've burned through asbestos his
voice cut sheet steel. ants can
do goddamned near everyt That's
why they're stall sergeants, goddamn ‘em.
Report to me at fourteen hundred hours.
At Goosequarters, Adjutant ll brie you
how to get there.” My papers were
thrown into his our basket. "Thats
sergeant, Dismi
Goosequarters had a complement of
exactly а gross of geese, and the ent
144 of them took a dislike to me th
moment 1 wailed Colonel O'Bower
through the gare of their wirefenced
. This area would've sufficed
many of die Iowstung honk-
em and hisers whose nebulous br
sent their obese bodies flap-foot
around the colonel as soon as he was oi
the goosy side of the chicken wire. One
hundred and forty-four thick necks
sueiched toward him in longing. From a
palpitating gross of overstulled. gullets
issued. tremulous honks of love, Colonel
O'Bower, struggling to reach the center
of the compound, was splashed by wave
after foamy wave of adoring geese. He
was in a strange form of ecstasy himself,
embarrassingly so; he could feel, for
while, like God. The Old Testament
God, of course. Just before He gave the
heaveho to Adam and poor Eve.
On the shore of this undulant expanse
wobbled a couple of grotesquely globul
ganders, too ponderous or too lethargic
to buck the crush of worshipers su
rounding their deity. This bloated duo
had turned its quartet of red-rimmed
pecpers on ше and was muttering some-
thing nasty in Goose. 1 didn’t yet under-
stand the language, but it was casy to
sense what the two fat wretches had on
their shriveled-pecan minds,
A big, concretelined pond was full of
ns
leggero torl9/O
Va poste
= aK 7
Seem Wheels
(S b widen
Nar your world
hey
arley-
Davidson У
PLAYBOY
252
water pumped from the River Schmuck,
but its shallow murkiness, as 1 shortly
learned, t be cleared by any
ing amd bottom scrap-
ing. A rectangular shed served Goose-
quarters as a dormitory on winter nights
and, if the swollen creatures had been
up to snuff, might've been used as
house of assignation on titillating spring
evenings. But in the O'Bower gaggle,
food had replaced sex: and any egg.
fertilized or not, would've been gulped
down by the nearest gourmandizing gim-
der, probably before the female realized
at she'd given birth.
Those ravenous ruffians would eat any-
alive, dead or inanimate. Every
blade of grass, every bouedry weed in
the compound had long since gone
through their insatiable guts. One of my
to dump into seve
ial g that
ade them what they were. This
mes wasn't all they got,
ihough—by no means. Another of my
chores was to grab each goose as it stag-
gered from а communal trough, then
shove more great soggy wads of mash
far down its throat as my апп would
reach, until the albinoobra neck was
"Remember, young man,
greener on the
packed solid from breastbone to bill.
‘This frosting on gluttony's cake was laid
on at sunrise and in the late afternoon,
every day, Sundays and. holidays includ-
ed—rain, snow or revulsion notwith-
standing. In eight months, 1 had only
one 48hour pass. The hatred of the
geese for me was clear, cold and continu-
сиз: but as my year аз gooseboy crept
along the calendar, their hate was
equaled, and then surpassed, by my own.
fact, E often was tempted to—
BUT NO!
ON [ CAN'T
—CAN'T GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT.
—ABOUT THAT TERRIBLE
TERRIBLE YEAR
(let it be enough to say that
i bought some poison dur-
y my single 48-hour pass
nd although it was m:
months later and we were
in another country belore i
put the stuff to good use,
hamburg's а great town to
surplus. poisons in
e the right con-
nections and your eyes are
blue, both of them that is).
"The grass always looks
other side.”
My term of Army service had а mere
95 days remaining when the lth Q. M. C.
Regiment (Armored) unexpectedly got a
new commanding oficer and | got am
unexpected rabbit punch from fate.
Colonel O'Bower's self-written travel or-
ders had him proceeding home to the
Zone of the Interior via surface transpor-
tation, accompanied by his wile, his gross
of geese and—damn the ОМ Man's soli
заву, seething eye!—by 5/Set. Beaudin
P. Black, the incorruptible gooseboy
(who'd planned to be discharged in West
Germany, then barrel around Europe for
half a year. slowly decompressing in a
fast little Porsche).
1 spent the agonizing voyage aboard
the Edward Teach, an Army transport
that had once been part of the Confeder-
ate Navy, in a dark, dank, damnable
stern hold next to the tub's churning
screws, up to my crotch in geese. For 13
days, E never saw daylight. In die mean-
time, I was being pecked black and blue
by the shadowy hissi ds, as I
fought to bre:
gent goose
mash. The giggle lost weight on ihe
ship. So d
More we
ds, on the next st
to the constant. jiggling of the hulking
irailer trucks, especially adapted lor
poultry, that tored a stunned Goose-
quarters and а deale
the face of Americ
wip, due
the Beautiful, from
а Hoboken dock to Fort Antonio López
de Santa Ana. Here, the colonel, who'd
flown ahead with his Frau, had already
р Goosequarters West on an ace of
idway between the Army post and
de Hideputa.
As the skinny gaggle, wavel-numbed,
began 10 stumble down the ramps from.
the uutks, Colonel O' Bower's eye patch
(t was Friday: Red Eye Patch Day)
seemed pale against the apopleuic sul-
i “Faten “em up, ser
* he snarled
at
on my wall
berter-damned believe i
I believed it; you ca
ed it. Td seen
irrational action 100 often nor to rust
absolutely that he'd carry out every last
threat of violence he uttered, To tell the
ath, I was down
man.
I'm still afraid of him.
1 always will bı
(for I've scarcely touched on
the grisly things that I'd heard he'd do
d actually seen him do. Perhaps VIL
ition some of them later. Or perhaps
I won't, depending).
Anyway, I fattened up his gaggle in a
hurry. Ako, because the colonel couldn't
hang around Goosequarters the way he
Aud you god-
bet your life 1
lonel O'Bower in
be
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PLAYBOY
254
had in Bad GasthausamScimuck, I re-
gained a few pounds myself. This new
unavailability of the colonel was a good
for I could now devore
all my time to putting more meat on the
bones of my charges. In another way,
though, it was а bad thing, for it also
allowed my charges to devote all their
time to pecking more meat off the bones
of 8/5. Black. Along with their redou-
bled depredations on my body and soul,
10 make it worse, mar
a fresh wick of vom
stuffed them with, thus forcing me, for
y liide's sake, 10 scoop up handfuls of
the regurgitated slop and shove it down
their throats again. The Pikes Peak of
our mutual loathing swelled to an Everest,
In another, more portentous way, the
duty-ordained separation of the colonel
from his geese was а bad thing, for his
place was gradually taken over by a
blondined bit of ball-bearing sockets and.
joints fleshed out here and there with
Rost Sineschpicner O'Bower, a
placed person of sorts.
While Га been stuck in West Ger-
many, our separate occupations common-
ly kept her in her bed and me out of
mine, so our intance was at best a
nodding опе, She'd been happy on her
back in Bad Gasthaus, serving under the
colonel in the [ormer 55 Aominandant's
house; bur in Southern California, with
Aria-rr-rice-EE on the go somewhere,
12 hours a d
ex-joybaby, During her fist swp-oll at
Goosequarters West, she laid her emo-
tional cards [ace up on the table with
care, although a trifle obliquely, sighing
that she didn't, couldn't properly Enjoy
(lingering over the word) the splitlevel
ncherito that the colonel had leased
for them in Vista de Hidepui over-
iced, underdesigned pile sec uncer
the base of t-eroding
hillock, whose picture windows ollered а
dull view of the dull Pacific reaches. Her
ie, she murmured, had become as emp-
s the seascape. My private Black
mber decoded this message as mean-
1 AM NOT GETTING LAID ENOUGH STOP
REGARDS ROSA.
Considering her background, Mrs.
O'Bower had good reason to be bored.
To an old Hamburg hand, proximity to
the ocean m 1, on a sec
ondary level, GIs—loaded with 1001, on
the prowl and kookie for nooky, what-
ever the price, method or recepiacle used
—but the only sailor in Vista de Hidep
ta was a retired viceadmiral, half. para
lyzed and thoroughly dotty. Nor were
the brutal and licentious sokliery much
in evidence, either. Indeed, the one
offer stationed at Fort Antonio Lopez
de Santa Ana who could afford the as
onomical cost of a leased place in town
was Colonel Arthur O'Bower. Ordinary
ng whatever I
generals, colonels and majors, too poor
for such extraordinary avocations as.
goose gorging and marriage to inmates
of European joy houses, practiced a grim.
cconomy by keeping their families in
Government-provided houses on the post,
with occasional blowouts at Knott's
Berry Farm. The swarm of bachelor cap-
tains and lieutenants in the Officers Club
had nothing to do after dark except belt
down tax-free booze and dream ol being
shipped Where The Action Was—a re-
ing center, say, in downtown Man-
n. As for the enlisted men, they
spent their weekends and wads in Olde
Ti where Ladies of Ancient Span-
ish Lineage could be found whose insist-
ence on the social amenities had reached
such a peak of refinement that, were a
20 bank note ollered them, they would
variably back down but bly
into a socially amenable posi k-
down.
Each morning, Colonel O Bower's driv-
er picked him up for an 8:30 del
ery to his office on the post, and that was
the last his lonely wife saw of him until
ter dark. She soon, with a H
bred love of routine, fell into a d.
pattern of her own. After waving
bye to the colonel, she would sit at the
uncleared breakfast table, smoke a 100-
спе or two, gaze disconsolately
at the disconsolate Pacific, sip cold
colfee, think about sex and how lonely
she was, sigh every so often and, now
and again, wipe away an incipient tear,
Then, tearfueled апа sigh-propelled,
she'd bathe, douse herself with cologne,
slip into as few Clothes as possible and
go for a drive in the creamy Е
derbird that had been
wa
breakfast dishes were left until. leer.
The colonel, like many rich men who
are prodigal with large sums but miserly
with small, had several money-saving i
synaasics, among which was an unwill-
ingness to hire a live-in cook-housckeeper.
A clca
ning woman who came on Mondays
was as far as the colonci'd go in the
domesti t line, His wife, there-
fore, had to keep things tidy six days out
of seven.
1 was annoyed when Mis. O Bower
ng around. The gaggle was
then working me over with a vivacity
ngendered by the salt-sea-and-sagebrush
"
g the job: and Mrs. O' Bower was, to
I intents and purposes, a stranger. But
ne Hun, showing
of her
recent professi nce at her invi
tationally constructed framework was to
set the old Primal Urge to twitching his
whiskers. As the colonel’s gooscboy, I'd.
had about as much to do with women as
octogenarian museum guard in a
room full of Renoir nudes; ic, 1 was
reduced to wishful thinking and damned
Tittle of th:
My annoyance gradually faded, to be
replaced by the low-keyed sympathy that
onc pawn cin extend to another or a
thwarted gooscboy extend to an unused
bedgirl; and this, in turn, was abruptly
transformed into a kind of loving non-
love. This ultimate change came one
morning while the horrible geese were
giving mc а rougher time than usual.
Rosa Sineschpiener O'Bower strode into
the fray with the self-confidence of
Prussian field marshal. “*****e***
1" she spac. (As
terisks have here been substituted for а
German expletive 32 leners long, its
meaning unknown to me, that sounded
. [ree forall
of a Hamburg sporting house) Then,
Wisting her skirt (hardly necessary, it
being a micomini, she landed a
Gestapotive kick in the ringleading
ganders slats, The evil bird wobbled out
wish they were dead in a mass gı
these ***
asees зде!”
On her next visit, she appeared
suede boots, reaching to mid-thigh, w
hard, pointed toes superbly suitable for
goose kicking, and which shortly there-
alter had sent five more obstreperous
ganders off to sick bay. She punctuated
са t of mayhem with fervent repeti-
tions of her wish that the **** *
sesessoososssoscee kso birds were
dead
I was charmed by this unforeseen as-
pect of Rosa's character, to the extent
that 1 briefly went off my uut. “He
you know what?” I babbled. "Id like
to Kill the whole ticktidden lot of
vem. Me, Staff Sergeant Beaudin P. Black,
ASN 32161733. Aud Гус got the stuff to
do it with, too. Poison. Greenish-colored,
kind of. Satisfaction guaranteed. Bought
it in Hamburg.”
“айке Ros: muttered thought-
fully. “Where else would one buy it?
She stared at the geese for a while,
frowning, then stared awhile at my
midsection (I liked to work stripped to
the waist, and then some). The frown
was removed. An odd, Himni
spread across her face, “Yes, why don't
you poison them, these **sessesese
terse ** Bagel, these
devil-@anée?” she asked in a whisper.
She brought her mouth dose to my ear,
in order to be heard above the gaggle's
resentful honks and hisses. “And tell me
about it afterward." Her nose nuzzled
my саг. “In bed." She nibbled my ear-
lobe. "My bed." She ran her tongue over
my cheek. "When He's not home." She
nibbled my lower lip. “I'll let you know
when." She nibbled my upper lip. "After
“I gave you three wishes. Now, damn it, you give me one!!”
255
256
they're in their mass grave, I mean."
Somchow, she was nibbling my tongue.
“Those Hamburg poisons, they're the
world’s best." And now her hands were
Ји like you, sweetie sergeant, won-
дейш.” My God! her hands were—
“Wunderbar!” And then she was gone.
So was I utterly gone. In less "
minute, I'd grown a Third Leg; and the
days ol those hell-geese were numbered. I
decided that, whatever Rosa S. O'Bower's
faults might be, at least
her villainies were hammer'd out of
flowers.
That same evening, I sat down at a
typewriter in the deserted H. Q. Co. Mes-
sage Center and wrote myself а letter:
DEAR BEAU—
1 DON'T THINK THAT THE
HUMAN RACE IS QUITE READY
“OR LOVE YET, AND 1 DON'T
THINK THE LOWER ANIMALS
ARE QUITE YET READY FOR
THE HUMAN RACE. ‘THIS
MAKES ME SAD, NOT GLAD,
I AM APOLITICAL. 1 HAVE NO
BEARD. I REFUSE TO SEE SEX
THROUGH A DOGS EYES. 1
HAVE BEEN HONORABLY
WOUNDED IN MY COUNTRYS
SERVICE, І AM SCRATCHI^
SCRATCHING, SCRATCHIN
AT THE WINDOW OF THE
WORLD. I DONT MIND THE
DEVIL HAVING A COMPASS,
BUT WHY MUST THE NEEDLE
ALWAYS POINT AT ME? 1 AM
NOT MAGNETIC. 1 AM NOT
THE NORTH, BUT, HOPING
FOR AN EARLY REPLY, 1 CER-
TAINLY AM
YOUR OLD FRIEND,
BEAUDIN P. BLACK
The project would be carried out.
And it was carried ош. (Time for а
snappy dirge, proffy, baby.) Carried out
Jetter-perfect.
“All right, the repair crew is on the way! In the meantime,
how about turning off this damn music?”
COLONEL ARTHUR O'BOWER,
U.S.A.
REGRETS TO ANNOUNCE
THE
T DEATH f
OF HIS
ONE HUNDRED AND
FORTY-FOUR FAT &
BELOVED GEESE DUE TO.
"MURDER MOST FOUL!
AT THE HANDS OF
A PERSON
OR
PERSONS
3UNKNOWN?
R.S. V.P.
Yes, letter-perfect—
God help me... .
One thousand years spent hunkered
down on a hot plate in hell would be
less Jong-drawn-out and painful than the
48 hours I sweated through after Colonel
O Bower cd up in that comman-
k to confront his slaugh-
ings. To my own dying day, I'll
shudder at the thought of those ghastly
hours. The colonel opened the ball
with a scream of grief шш
might've seared the thr
puma. He leaped from the half-track
with such force as to leave the vehicle
rocking on its treads bel
cradled limp necks i
dled ruflled cadaver р until
larruping fury finally overcame all his
futile lachrymosities. He then sprang 10
his fect, Hailed roundhouse swings at the
universe, damned the republic, cursed
the Deity and topped things oll by chew-
ing out the cosmos. For a second act, he
pounded his fists against his temples
and, as the curtain came down, was beat-
ing his head so hard against the trunk
of a eucalyptus that the poor tree's roots
squeaked. “Death!” he howled, “Hell! Vei
geance! Blood! Murder! God! Gore!
Damn! Vengeance! CHRIST!
BLOOD! DEATH! R-E
was so scared that my sphincter muscle al-
most Did The Dirty to me, an embarrass:
ment that hadn't happened since Victor
(9 trying to mortar me to death
in Vietnam. When the colonel, still rant-
ing, had rumbled off in the half-track on
his way to alert the world, 1 sagged on
the chicken-wire fence, as close to a
swoon as any sickly Victorian
ever came without losing her :
standing.
It never occurred to Colonel O'Bower,
strangely enough, to suspect his incor-
ruptible gooseboy. I suppose I was too
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PLAYBOY
258
dese to home, too obvious—a regular
Purloined Letter on the hoof. He did a
fantastic amount of telephoning, how-
ever, and it wasn't long before some less
griestricken, more suspicious fellows ar-
rived in response to his summons. These
included ihe Provost Marshal, every MP
stationed at Fort Antonio Lópcz de Santa
Ana, the Vista de Hideputa police, a
troop of California State Police, the local
chapter (Owen Lattimore Pos No. 57)
of the FBI, all the СТА men within 75
e miles who dared to cut classes
at day and a couple of Mexican cus-
toms inspectors who'd heard the colo-
nel’s ravings as far south as Tijuana and
had driven up to see what all the ruido
was about. There were more narrow-
eyed, nosy theoreticians poking around
the scene of the crime than there were
dead geese: and when they weren't pok-
ing around, they were grilling me in
relays.
They got nowhere. Nowhere at all.
А childhood, an adolescence and a
coming of age experienced in the lurch-
Hed World War Two ended had
made me adept at holding the high
ground Jong before I dug in and held
my slit trench on Rosa 5. O'Bower's
high, hot hips. As for the heinous mass
murder, my story, my attitude and, to a
certain extent, my accent was: I din see
nuttin’ I din hear nuttin’ I din know
nuttin’ but my tender heart wuz broke.
Gecz who coulda done a ting like dat
tuli dem priddy boids and dat nice coi
nel huh? Neither the common, garden
variety of uniformed fuzz nor the fancier
hardy perennials in narrow ties and Ital-
i h me clean of
cerebellum:
The lawmen, civil
l gave up on me, f
ps with an assist from a lieuter
of MPs, This lieutenant had nearly died,
aged 15, when a jagged sliver of a goose's
wislibone lodged in his throat; he thus
took а dim view of the goddamned birds,
dead or alive. “Well, now, hell,” he said
in an east-Texas drawl, “the sergeant
“I suggest we submit the $180,000 initial deposit
for 34 percent of the preferred stock and for the moment, at
least, let the 2.5 percent debentures mature until such time as
all options are secure, subject to SEC approval, thus
utilizing the prospectus issued for fiscal 1968, bearing
in mind the discount rate will more than offset any
capital-gains advantage, assuming ‘Big Frankie the
Camel bumps off the comptroller. . . .
here's gittin’ his discharge this weck, and
he’s been a rarht fine sojer, Got hisc'f
100. No Bad-Time ап
Way I look at it, now, if he was
goin’ to zap the buggers, he'd've done it
mebbe nahn, ten months ago, jes’ to
the critters out of his hair. Why wait till
rarht now, hey, Black
“Yeah, that's for sure, lieutenant,
said. "Why wait until rarht now?
(All rarht, professor, in a few minutes
you can blend some fragments of
“Charge,” “Sick Call" and “Retreat” to-
gether and then tootle off home. Don't
Dip over the trombone on your way out.)
Colonel O'Bower was now 100 preoc
cupied with getting his gaggle under-
gound and Drood the refined
tortures he intended to inflict on the cap-
tured killer to bother about my immi-
€ of it.
er spoke to him nor saw
him during the brief period that re-
mained until T got olf the Army hook.
"The moment he lost his geese, of course,
he lost all interest in his gooscboy. Thi
agreeable to me. 1 went on with
what I was doing, which was nothing. I'd
liquidated my military duty when 1 lig-
uidated the personnel of Goosequarters
West, so P was at liberty to prepare
myself for an cuco-unilorm world that
1d practically forgotten. Id laid in a
long with some other items of
n clothing and accessories, and
bought а secondhand Mercedes S005L.
straight off the dealers floor, on the
ngle Saturday evening that I'd spent in
Vista de Hideputa. 1 was so excited ac
soon being free of the Army that it never
crossed my mind that Fd be tree of
Colonel O'Bower as well. Gone from my
memory, 100, were the carnal possibilities
that the colonel’s lady had so recently
whispered into odd corners of my face.
On Thursday, E came belching out of
the H. Q. Co. ll after noon chow
with my final GI meal in my belly and
my discharge papers in my pocket. 1 was
heading back to barracks, intending to
get into my new suit and Шеп get the
hell away from khaki country, when
Colonel O'Bower's jeep driver, a corpo-
ral, r handed me an
envelope.
this foi
it
wa
I'd of give it to ya
town all the morn-
in’ tryin’ ta get laid. Son of a bitch, it's
hard enough оп a holiday Satday night,
but on а normal nou iw
Miececci!
Inside the envelope was a one-line note.
This afternoon is When, Riin ocloct. R/
"Where's the Old Man now?" I asked
the corporal.
“Him? Ab, he druv up to L.A. early.
Gonna buy himself some more of them
geese at this goose ranch up there in th
San Ferando Valley or some such name.
Took his own heap, too, thank the sweet
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PLAYBOY
260
Christ, so now me, I'm gonna sack out
ull ay night and time for Tia-
My intention had been to check into a
Los Angeles hotel before dark; instead,
off I went, then, to the spl
away and a frittered, form-htt
wonder if the colonel had only
few form-fitting hours later, that what I
was doing to his wife was not the cuck-
olding he assumed it to be, but merely a
demonstration of the New Therapy in
action, might not his ——
CHAPTER 3: IN WHICH THE FILM
RESUM! THE LADY REMOVES
HER LOVER, THE GENTLEMEN
REMOVE THE VENEER OF CIVILI-
ZATION & I REMOVE MY PARTS
TO OTHER PARTS
—present and future villaini
been hammcer'd out of flowe
Fat chance,
Only a fool like Beaudin P. Black—
his fingers, wits and eardrums numb
t scratching. scratching,
хоо, have
scratching at the
could ask himself such a foolish question
(see Appendix A).
B), look you, by a Tremendous Voice
from a Swirling Cloud, at Whose rum-
he earth shook.
ies of Colonel Arthur
O'Bowcr were, are and forever will be of
a steel most excruciatingly milled, steel
infinitely harder than any diamond,
Shefheld plus steel, Swedish-extra, the Ul-
timate Steel, sufficiently strong to shat-
ter the descending hammer on impact, to
wrinkle and crack the anvil below in 30
ays, and to reduce the eggshell
of ex-S/Sgt. Black to atoms or anti
er.
And now this pocketsived, ultragalac-
ticsteel monster was going into
ACTION? (Sce Appendix D.)
(ohdearohdear)
(oh
. well) (Scc Appendix С.)
APPENDIX А: CHALLENGE
Fear, the fear, dear goddess, sing, the
sheer fear of Black's fool son, Beaudin,
Jellying him inio jiggles there on the
stained, mussed and soggy
Bed of fierce Revengeides, Obowerus,
weuser о] heroes,
Even as on the chassis of slithery, waler-
tank-nippled
Rosé, replete, he rode shotgun. Also, sweet
alto, please tell us
Which of the three tnvoli'd will survive
this eycballto-e
Showdown: Revengeides, the damp
nymph, or tall Beaudin, Black's son?
Meanwhile, should Zeus interrupt, simply
ignore him. Sing louder.
Better yet, don't sing. YELL. You'll have
10, with all that thunder.
Hera can upstage Zeus, bul he hates it
when one of the Muses...
APPENDIX B: RESPONSE
THE CALIFORNIA DISTURBANCE:
AN EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT
GREEK REFUGEE SAW ALL
“SHOCKING,” SHE CLAIMS
BY OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT
VISTA DE HIDEPUTA, CALIF., April
25 (Special to the Helicon, Ohio, ‘Well-
spring’)—Mrs. Calliope А. Oeagros,
age undisclosed, the widow of the late
Thracian entrepreneur, was on the
scene at 40 Proprio Tinto St. early
yesterday evening when Col. Art R.
Oberon, U.S.A., discovered his wife
Rosalie in a compromising position
with Buddin B. Blake. A two-year
draftee, Blake had been discharged as
a sergeant a few hours before.
According to Mrs. Oeagros, who has
been on a world tour ever since King
Constantine II was forced into exile by
disaffected Greek army elements, she
and her companion, Sir Geoffrey Mon-
mouth, Camelot's Ambessador to the
UN, made a forced landing after they
found themselves in a thunderstorm
of unprecedented violence.
“It was a driving, drenching rain,"
Mrs. Oeagros, who prefers to be de-
scribed as a “rich refugee,” said. “The
thunderclaps were positively Olympian.
The noise was so frightful that Geoff
and | forgot our manners and sought
shelter in the nearest house, which we
thought to be unoccupied.
“When I realized what was transpir-
ing inside that house, though, | re-
gretted that we had not remained aloft,
despite the definite possibility of
disaster.
“The sight that met my eyes in the
master bedroom of that house, where
we had intended to divest ourselves of
our rain-soaked outer garments, was
shocking in the extreme. In my coun-
try, the middle-class people do not be-
have in such an outrageous fashion.
Nor do they in the United States, or so
1 am informed.”
Asked to elaborate on her state-
ments, Mrs. Oeagros said: “This
woman—a pretty, hard-faced blonde,
vaguely foreign—was lying on her back
on the bed without a stitch on. On top
of her lay a young man, also without a
stitch on. If they were not engaged in
improper physical activity at the mo-
ment, they must have been engaged
in an improper physical act in the im-
mediate past, to judge from the con-
dition of the bed. One can always judge
by the condition of the bed. | will ad-
mit, however, that | could not see these
two people as clearly as 1 would have
preferred.
“The room was darker than ordi-
narily it would have been at that hour
of the day, due to the raging storm
outside. No lamps had been lit, to my
knowledge, anywhere in the house.
“The husband of the woman, who
put in an appearance shortly after we
did, undoubtedly remained standing on
the staircase because he suspected
that he might be in the wrong house.
He seemed a forlorn, uncertain little
fellow and | could not avoid feeling
sorry for him. He is below the average
in height, you see, whereas the younger
man struck me as being much taller.
“Then Geoff, who adores history and
battles and is continuously reading or
writing or talking about them, remarked
that the little chap was a colonel. My
sympathies forthwith were extended to
the other man, although it is difficult
to be sympathetic to anyone, male or
female, involved in such a shocking
situation.
“But | strongly disapprove of all
colonels, as a direct result of the harsh
treatment some Hellenes holding that
rank gave to dear, innocent Constan-
tine, God bless him.
“This young man, hardly more than
a boy, evidently was allowing his entire
mass to press down on the woman, for
she was screaming, in a panic-stricken,
choked voice, for her husband to assist
her. She was also calling upon all the
strength she could muster to strike the
young man about the head. The young
man, needless to say, appeared to be
‘petrified’ from fright.
“An interesting side light to the
affair is that at one point | honestly
believed | heard the young man ad-
dressing me, using a nickname that 1
have not heard since 1 was a school-
girl— Goddess."
“Possibly | am incorrect in this as-
sumption, for one is inclined to mis-
understand or misinterpret words or
phrases absorbed in moments of high
moral drama—as may have been the
case in this instance.
““Оп the heels of my aural confusion,
the colonel chose to ascend the remain-
ing stairs in great haste, then di-
is steps toward the bedroom.
Mrs. Oeagros, still shaken by her ex-
perience and disinclined to continue,
begged her companion to resume the
narrative thread. Sir Geoffrey, an ama-
teur historian and the author of several
novels in addition to his UN responsi-
bilities and numerous other interests,
gladly acceded to her request.
"Than fruysshed kynge Oboure
thorow the portis of his corseynte,"’ he
said, “a knyght of corage wetily arayed,
and a noble manne of armys, redyng
to threst unto sir Beaudyn that the
brayne and the blode myghte be clevid
on his swerde."
Turning to Mrs. Oeagros, Sir Geoffrey
261
PLAYBOY
262
inquired: ‘Ow's that fer openers,
Callie gel?"
"Knyghtly spokyn,
Geoff," she replied.
“l busse youre ankelis bothe, swete
godesse, from my herte-roote," Sir
Geoffrey said, and gallantly proceeded
to do so.
He thereupon resumed his account:
“But biforn kynge Oboure coulde entyr
upon the bate, his ladye la belle Rose
Sansépine did heve hire fayre hyppis
en haut wythe freyshynned powere and
in a manere of grete cunnyng. Than
hire queynte smoote sir Beaudyn swich
a buffyt that his nekke-bone was putte
far {гот hire pappis soote and his
conyng was from its derk hous out-
snatched. His——"
APPENDIX G: SUMMATION
In the county of the blind, there is
more than enough rheum for eyewitness
accounts by stupid people who can't see
the wood for the trees.
In the country of the stupid, an ap-
pendix is a small blind sac, an outpoud
ing of the cecum that no longer serves
any useful purpose. Occasionally, when
one bursts, а nasty mess
parfoy, fayre
left in the
PURGATED, NOTARIZED DENOU
MENT, HERE APPENDED TO THE
APPENDICES FOR THE FIRST TIME
ON ANY STAGE
My personal account of tlic events in
question is, by great bad luc ofa
participant, a skinwitness, as it were: and
thus may be considered accurate and
trustworthy in spite of being, to the
narrator, tremendously painful, For all
that, a precise restatement of what hap-
pened ought to have as much thera-
peutic value for me as the coupling
(preinterruption) had for my treacherous
partner. So, painful or not, I intend to
get what's left of the story off my chest.
Til take up the yarn where 1 dropped it,
on the chest of Mrs. O’ Bower.
When her plaintive, palpably inacou-
rate, screeching alarm clock wound down,
mieua ш сейл заты уыл
ly white-hot. flame. A vengeful roar sta
ded, then overwhelmed, the omnipotent,
omnipresent thunder. Cordite's cruel, ac-
rid stink permeated the master bedroom.
And a load of buck-and-ball ammunition
burst from the barrel in the person of
Colonel Arthur O'Bower, on a collision
course with Beaudin P. Black's naked,
defenseless hide.
The colonel whizzed through the door-
way so fast that, by the Iw of relativity,
І should've seen him as а trench«coated,
speed-of-light blur; yet he might've been
approaching me in slow motion, for in
my memory certain areas of O'Bower
stand out in very sharp focus:
1. His face, for instance—a murderous,
contorted mask.
2. His right hand—aaising a heavy
silver candlestick it'd snatched from а
table beside the door
3. His left hand—f
handcutls dangled
“You call this Lo Gow Gum Pan?”
The problem of the handcuffs was
stated and solved in a millisecond. He'd
gotten into the habit of toting them
around, awaiting the day when he could
clap them onto the dasad who'd put
the quietus on Goosequarters West: now
he'd hauled them from his trench-coat
pocket while his other hand was latching
onto the bottom-weighted candlestick.
E. D.
I knew th
stick, practi
my skull,
at a blow from this candle
Шу guaranteed to fracture
would be but the frst and
mildest of the torments he had in store
for
me—after ГА been handcuffed,
gel and brought back, none too ten-
, to a throbbing consciousness—but
s no more capable of defensive or
Maybe
Rosa's industrious rcady put
me on the road to total auesthetization,
Whether they һай or not, it was Rosa's
industrious midsection that kept me
from total an ‘The stored-up
energy that mi © been wasted
piecemeal on ten minor hip-heaves was
now expended on a lastditch ceilingward
snap of her pelvis, This magnificent vol-
canic bump and grind blew me bang out
of my slit trench on the high ground,
and 1 went tumbling down her smooth
but precipitous eastern slope to а new
and indefensible position. This lay in
open terrain on the cnemy side of
ities for
and had
her
no tactical value whatsoever
nel O'Bower's onrushing steam-roller
vance. I was а pushover for obliteration,
failing an act of God
Well, God works in such mysterious
ways that He's not invariably on the side
of the biggest battalions, including a few
outsize outf which every man from
C. О. to conscript was so fanatic a Chris
п that his scrotum gave off a dry,
rustling sound. Perhaps the fact that
mine didn't rustle helped sive me on
that devilish, deluged evening in Vista
de Hideput:
War, according to Dr. Hemingstein, is
the province of chance, On this occasion,
I guess Га been voted an honorary citi-
zen of the province—the ballot boxes
having been stuffed by Rosa's overtime
buttocks. And, although CI z didn't
comment on the paradox, an attacking
force can have too much momentum. An
advance of 50 miles will mean victory; of
100, disaster, A Great General's troops
may be racing ahead like madmen, but
the G. G. knows when to blow the whistle
on them. He wants to be sure that the
rapid forward movement doesn’t become
а stampede. It isn't that he’s worried
about having his supply lines cut; N
more concerned with how he's treated in
the history books. You can bet your
polished boots that the supply lines will
be cut later; but an army whose momen-
tum has swept it far beyond its objec
eventually runs out of gas, breath and the
power of positive thinking. It then has
tendency to be thrown off ce
into a state of panic by the weakest kind
of counterattack—seven kids with sling
shots, for example.
Т can't recall a single general in histo-
ry who let his army (a) go rumbling a
sleeper-jump beyond its assigned objec
tive because the objective (b) wasn't
where it was supposed to be in the first
place. Colonel Arthur O'Bower did,
though, in his master bedroom.
Which is perhaps why he never made
general. permanently.
And which is certainly why his objec-
tive—Fort Beaudin P. Black—is still
manned and active, instead of being a
charred, unremembered patch somewhere
on this round of solar ball-ammunition,
the earth,
Sliding off Sineschpiener Ridge, with
no place to go but Perdition (а
fast boat, at that), 1 decided I m
well go down fighting. After all, irs
better to die on your lovematted abdo-
men than live on your concrete-chafed
knees—although in the short doleful life
that the revengeful colonel would be
up for me. a few moments of
ving might offer a pleasant change
from the contorted attitudes Га be in
the rest of the time. So I wrapped the
flag around me, boys, and је kep’ rollin’
along. Down from Rosa. Away from
Rosa. Across the sweaty sheets, Toward
the edge of the hed
T reached this line of departure simul-
taneously with Colonel O'Bower, my rib.
age and his thigh meeting in a mighty
clash that cracked the bedstead and split
the mattress straight down the middle. A
couple of spring coils promptly popped
free and poked into Rosa, one catching
her between the shoulder blades and the
other pricking her arse (to be precise:
the left buttock, three and a quarter
inches west of center). Understandably,
she yelped.
Colonel O'Bower bellowed, gobbled
and croaked concurrently—a sound that
I'd never heard before and, God willing,
won't hear again. The slaughterhouse
bellow was meant to be Music To Ac-
company Gandlesticks Descending On
Heads. The gobble, worthy of a tom-tur
key countertenor dodging the ax, was
gobbled, because the colonel had discov-
ered too latc that my head wasn't where
he and the candlestick thought it would
be. And the cr
warning to Rosa Sineschpiener O'Bower
t9 look out for descending candlesticks
and colonels, In spite of her wa
talents, he sew her now as a fr
lovely woman bcing despoiled by
Fiend in a Human Suit; and no Amcri-
сап officer and gentleman is going to
bash а rape victim as a sccondary objec-
tive, his primary being A. W. O. L.
The darkness kept him from sceing
her clothes, which were neatly draped
ао з
MARTELL
largest selling
COGNAC
in the world
statement substantiated by Official Government Statistics
263
long a chaise longue ten feet from the
bed with a care seldom taken by ladies
in line for a raping. And the ravisher's
garments, arranged with military preci
sion, festooned a chair flanking the door-
way opposite the table whence Colonel
O'Bower had taken unto himself a weap-
on, Even if he had spotted his wife's
displayed nylon scantinesses, it wouldn't've
modulated his behavior; for a basic prem-
ise of the crazy O' Bower logic was that, to
а dastard monstrous enough to murder a
gross of dear old sweetie geese, rape is not
only thc most minor of vices but a hum-
drum daily activity to boot. 1 continued
to roll, despite that concussive meeting of
femur and ribs. Off the bed's rumpled
edge I spun and CLUNK! lit full length
оп some topaz wall-to-wall carpeting. This
change of base went through without a
hitch, mainly because the coloncl's car-
cass was finished with acting like a road-
block. His carcass was then in mid:
Unwittingly, making the strategic boo-
boo that Clausewitz forgot to mention—
of a force too impetuous for its own
good—the colonel had let his momen-
tum bear him so ridiculously far beyond
his objective that he was thrown off
balance en route. The jarring encounter
with my Forlorn Hope had begun the
1 of his equilibrium.
Well, Colonel O'Bower may I
caught off balance, but panic failed to
strike him. He rectified the overall situa-
tion in mid-air, without particularly im-
proving it; but for the moment, he
averted catastrophe by the cloth ot his
eye patch. Between the take-off and the
dead-stick landing, he had to accomplish.
three things: regain contact with me,
wherever I was; avoid any interception
of brutal candlestick by wifely fesh; and,
with a splash-down impending on Rosa,
land on her roiled expanse as lightly as
he could. His solution was an Immel-
nn turn, executed above the lady,
would've snapped my spine but
which the conditioned colonel brought
off without setting himself up for some
osteopathy. If the mancuver wasn't com-
pletely successful, blame it on his at-
tempt to collar me with his left hand
wh ight was averting the candle-
stick from Ros;
The O'Bower claws were so eager 10
clutch my windpipe that they forgot to
hang onto the handcuffs. No sooner had.
l met the topaz carpeting than these
dropped —Clunk! Clunk!—on my coc
сух, then joined (Clunk!) my obverse
(Clunk!) on the floor. At the same
instant, the candlestick connected. with
the headboard, in lieu of Rosa, shivering
the timber of the bedpost, gouging a
pound of plaster from the wall and
bending itself into а 30-degree le in
the process, The impact tore it from the
colonel’s grasp. It thudded to the carpet
on the far side of the bed, even as her
husband's body b; xl down atop Rosa,
254 in roughly the same position I'd lately
PLAYBOY
relinquished. *Bo:ocoo:C CC!" said
Rosa. She then retired from action—the
poor, sodden, squashed, putupon,
cone Hut
“Sorry, sweetie, goddamn it,” Colonel
O'Bower snorted, “Goddamned fortunes
of war, baby.” He scrambled off his
gasping wife to retrieve his goddamned
weapon.
This was a mistake; again the objec-
tive wasn’t where it was supposed to be.
A lot of groping was done in the dark
before he located the candlestick against
the wall under the headboard, curled up.
and anxious for sleep on a pallet of
fallen plaster and mahogany splinters.
This protracted search, which was
companied by a flourish of Anglo-Saxon
kettledrum cuss words, gave me an op-
portunity that I'd thought was lost at this
stage of the game. The escape route was
open.
Ttook
Latching onto the handcuffs as a sou-
venir of the occasion, I fought my way
to my feet while a thunderclap that shook
the house did its best to knock me off
them, At its carblowing apex, I was
grabbing as much of my clothing as the
ch would release, and while the hea
enly discordance faded, I was scuttling
footed, bare-ursed, bare-fore and b:
aft, like a blind crab down the rs.
g O'Bower's
Blasphemous Ketdedrum Band. shared.
the marquee with a new rock group of
stones that was beating, beating,
ш at the windows of the room.
In the dark a1 the bottom of the stairs,
1 found the front door by instinct; but
when I turned the knob, 1 learned that
what Rosa Sineschpicner O'Bower had
failed to do when she let in a love-keen
nce, the colonel had done when
he let in himself—namely, lock the
wretched thing. The complaint of a
sticking drawer being yanked open in
the master bedroom was momentarily
amplified over the plink of hailstones,
Му moth’santennae fingers, hampered
by a pair of darbies and assorted mens-
wear, flickered along the doorjamb seek-
ing the lock, which turned out to be set
much lower than locks usually arc. The
original occupant must've been even a
shorter man than the colonel.
But ] hadn't the leisure then to com-
pare males of below-average height, not
in the infinitesimal space of time that
separated Beaudin P, Black and Safety. I
had my haberdashery hand on the un-
latched Jock and my policestate one on
the knob, on the point of hurling myself
out into the storm's concealment, when
the hall was blasted with light so bril-
liant and atom-bombish that my eyes
hurt. And a voice that might've been a
75mm recoilless rifle firing from the next
foxhole roared: *
The noise nearly imploded everything
in my head. My 24 months of Army
ng. however, picked this occasion
i-
Ten-HUT!
to pay ofi—for the Army. I froze, My
arms pressed against my sides, I came to
a ramrod attention. Yet I made one
concession to my new civilian status; for
while my thumbs sought in vain for
trouser seams on my naked thighs, I kept
the clothes and the handcuffs pressed
between my arms and my body.
“"BoutHACE!” The recoilless rifle
had fired another round.
An about-face isn't as easy to do on
bare feet as it is in combat boots, but
mine wasn't too bad, considering. At the
head of the stairs, Colonel Arthur
O'Bower, who'd brought a black-power
friend with him, stood at ease, a hellish
grin warping his mouth, staring down at
me with his companion. I didn't like this
Dlack-power friend at all. He was a 45-
cal. Colt automatic pistol, U.S. Army
Model, which is as black a symbol of
power as 1 care to confront,
“Га goddamned rather have you
punctured, goddamn you,” the colonel
told me sweetly, “but I can’t take any
god-more-damned chances with а god-
damned eel. Which is your goddamned
Purple Heart leg, you goddamned rapist
bastard of a goose killer?’
Sweat was exuding from my pores, with-
out any help from Rosa for a change.
“The—uh—my left leg, sir,” I croaked.
The condition of my throat would've
made a July high noon in Death Valley
seem like a dip in the Arctic Ocean.
“T'I even ‘em up for you, bloodw
in a minute, you goddamned Lroad-bang:
ing bugger.” Colonel O'Bower shilted
his stance from at ease to readyon-the-
firing-line. “No goddamned Purple Heart
for this hole, soldier, goddamn you, if you
live to be a hundred, Which you won't.”
His black-power friend drew a bead on
my right kneecap. “No, soldier, goddamn
you, you ought to live about three god-
damned weeks more.” He was squeczing
ГІ ribbonate you v-e
" The muzzle of the pistol was
y as a Southern Baptists faith in
“Which I intend to do, you
goddamned woman-molesting, exhibition-
ist, selF-exposing goosidde!” He squeezed
the trigger past апу hope of redemption.
Nothing happened. Except а
(click)
in't cocked the pistol.
“GODDAMNHELLCHRISTDEATH-
SHIT JESUSBITCH!” yelled the colonel.
He seized the top of the 45. When this
had been jerked back over the exposed
trigger and then slid forward again, a
cartridge would be in the chamber and
the pistol ready to
Unfortunately for Colonel O'Bower's
intentions, 1 wasn't going to stick around
to evaluate his marksmanship. While he
was messing with the upper reaches of
his automatic, it occurred to me that I
had, at the serviceable end of my throw-
ing arm, a pair of unemployed hand-
cuffs. 1 hadn't played any baseball i
Army, but, 1 decided, if I w:
hellfire.
He
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PLAYBOY
266
review the marksmanship of the B. P.
Black muscles, this was as good a time
as any.
Well, it seems that 1 wanted to.
‘The colonel was elevating the .45 for a
leg shot that would be the Moment of
h when E slung (a) the handcuffs at
him and (b) a depths-of-thesoul prayer at
now-Who. The Latter, luckily, had.
listening. The former, as a result,
connected with Colonel O'Bower's fore-
head—one above his eye patch, clang,
one clang above his seeing eye—a double
metallic bean ball. From there, they
went on, with twin muted thumps, to
the thickly padded runner of the third
stair down,
lonel O'Bower's reactions to the
The pistol sa
ke a flag b
lowered in a stiff breeze, as he drew
himself up to a wobbly attention, His
shoulders were hunched so high that the
cagles on the tabs of his trench coat
must've tickled his ear lobes. Then, with
s solitary eye—which now resembled a
round bowl of spun sugar—glazing
тозу the empty air of the upper halk
toned in an echo-chamber
will-ollow-you-and-catch-you-god-
and-Lwill-god-well-damned-kill-
mned-degrecsone-fincday-you-
pe the ever god-lasting-damne
of- Arthur-O' Bower-U. S. А.-
ter-where-you go-or-attempt-to-god-
hicelamn-for-Lwill-god-damned-well-root-
you-out-fromavharever pi yan-
in-for-god-damned-sure-ind-l-will-show-
you-the-god-damned-torments-of-hell-you-
god-damned gocsicide- you."
Then slowly, persistently, still at that
hunched attention, he tilted forward like
a truncated, пепсһ-сомей tree siwed
through at its base. Finally, plumb out
of the power of positive thinking, off
balance for sure, he pinwheeled asc-
overteakettle toward me. The pistol
didn’t go off dwing the descent, а cour-
tesy th: ; I'd already ab-
sorbed my day's ration of loud noises.
I was polite enough to wait until the
ting O' Bower stock had checked
its downward trend and leveled off be-
tween the foot of the stairs and the front
door, but I wasn’t so polite as to linger
while 1 determined if the colonel were
alive or dead. So after noting that, what-
ever his mortal state, the mauve eye
patch hadn't been disturbed and there
ppeared to be a петог of the eyelids
rimming the spunsugar eye, I galloped
out into the storm, Mother-naked, of
course. 1 didn't bother to shut the door
behind me.
So help me, Frigga:
al) BEAUDIN P. BLACK
WITNESS: (signed) G. MON-
MOUTH, Kt, C.R. T.
STATE OF CALIFORNIA
County of Vista de Hideputa
law.
ON THIS 24th day of April,
before me, the un-
ry Public їп
ty and State,
ly appeared. Beaudin
known to me to be
the person whose name is sub-
scribed to the within Instru-
ment, amd acknowledged to
me that he executed the same.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I
have hereunto set my hand and
fixed my official seal the day
nd year in this certificate first
above written
(signed) CALLIOPE A.
OFAGROS, age undis
dosed
Notary Public in and for
said County and State.
(My Commision will
never expire.)
CHAPTER 4: I
WHICH I FIND MY-
SELF CAST NAKED UPON A DESERT
SPORIS CAR & VERY SOON IN.
DULGE IN A PRIMITIVE FORM OF
ESCAPISM
Га parked the old Mercedes around
the corner, because I didn’t want the
ieiglibors 10 brood about a str
wing in front of the O Bower 1
while the colonel was olf о
trip; although in a community of hve-
acre homesites and 1000-foot beach Iront-
around the corner is apt to be code
y:
ning cheetahs and Saint Ber-
nards, and hailstones as big as Nasser's
nose were bouncing off my noggin. Alter
frayed webs of lightning had turned the
landscape Los Alamos-white, the atmos-
phere would vibrate to 1,000,000 tons of
lé-pound shot let loose at Beaudin Р.
Duckpin by a team of semipro demons.
The hailstones were too big to melt when
they'd caromed into immobility, so each
mown lawn, each clipped hedge, seemed
to be chauering under a light fall of
в
snow. Lights gleamed opaquely from
within the few houses I splashed past.
In an intensification of these, the first
ticular facet that gliuered forth from
general fear blinked out the message,
in Morse, that 1 might be arrested. for
indecent exposure. A Proper V
Hideputan would consider it his civic
duty to inform the fuzz of a naked man
on Proprio Timo Street. Then a paddy
wagon would pay a quiet call on me,
having been careful not to starde any
sensitive homeowner with a siren’s ple-
beian wail. And after Га been booked,
my loins hidden by a drunk-tank blanket
in the interests of modesty, the stupidest
detective, third-grade, could easily re-
trace my dripping steps to the O' Bower
loveaway, where he'd hind
My God, what would he find?
Why, nothing repeat NOTHING
—for I'd reached the Mercedes now. The
мазу was temporarily stunted, reduced,
dissolved.
I slumped against the low-slung heap,
physically weak from my run and emo-
ionally limp from the last 30 minutes,
ng my overdrawn lungs lay some
bread on their debt. Pretty soon, 1 dis-
covered that the waterlogged coat of my
new civilian wardrobe was the only item
that I'd snatched from the chair while
departing the Field of the Patch of Eve.
My other wearables were back inthe check-
room of Club O'Bower, an after-hours
dip joint with a very rough bouncer.
But the s was what counted:
and none of the absolute necessities
had fallen out during my prec
retreat, My money, my wallet a
c
bec
ad the
keys were all where they should've
"Therefore, having concluded that
a motionless stone gathers no two in the
bush, I unlocked the Mercedes, got
got the motor het up in a hurry, and
then got cut of there at a speed that, in
such weather, would have given palpita-
tions to а drunken drag racer. | drove
naked, too. It's the only way to travel, as
Lady Godiva remarked to the hostler
when he helped her off her Percheron,
I swerved the Mercedes around a
Coast Highway cloverlesf, aimed her
позе north and accelerated. The rain
showed no sign of abating, but the out-
put of my fear increased in proportion
to the сагъ speed. The windshield resem-
bled a millrace, and I had an impression
ol driving under water, My forward vi-
sion was, to put it mildly, limited; but
there was no oncoming trafic to confuse
me. Only a fool like Beaudin P. Black
would rip along at 90 in a doudburst
like that. Meanwhile, my fear had
topped 100, before resolving itself into
a couple of premises and а conclusion,
which I'll call
TERROR ONE
(2) The blow from the handcuffs had.
led Colonel O' Bower; or, if
nol,
(5) The us
had.
) Either way, Г was a murderer,
and die майса а mere in
mate accessory after the fact.
"This pillowcase of logic came close to
smothering me. Hunched over the wheel,
peering at the blackness beyond the
water-warped headlight beams, | simply
couldn't suck їп enough air. To roll
down the side window was 10 get no
relief; all it did was let the rain in, while
my imagination went right on having а
high old time. Such as—
Well, by now, Коза S. O'Bower
would've tripped over the corpse.
She'd've called the police. Ап all-points
bulletin would've already been broad-
i, and every cop in Southern Califor-
nia was at present on a wild hunt for a
slightly gimpy, possibly nude young
male, white, in a black 1959 Mercedes
ble down the staircase
Jam
рр
“No, Miss Pierpont, I don't think you
can actually consider them identical twins."
PLAYBOY
268
30051. They'd nab me before 1 ever
crossed the Los Angeles county line. A
gobbet of Why Bother? set my gorge to
bubbling. The temptation to give myself
up brielly became so urgent that I took
my naked, sore sole off the accelerator.
But as the needle of the tachometer
wavered lower, 1 dropped in on a р
meeting in the parlor of m
where I refurbished my courage
a little talkin-tongues about the
Gospel According To
ANTI-TERROR ONE:
(a) I 1 Aad Killed the colonel, Га
done it in self-defense.
(b) Rosa would've known about the
revenge her husband planned
to take on the slayer of his fat,
poison-prone pets.
(с) Also, even with the wind knocked
out of her, she'd've heard his
threats to me.
(d) She'd undoubtably scen him take
the 45 automatic from the
drawer in the bedroom.
(e) The pistol, in fact, would be in
the dead man’s hand when the
cops burst in.
(..) The only rap they could pin
on me would be
at worst, manslaughter
maybe neither one.
“Yes
по point, not after this
omises, in driving back to
Vista de Hideputa to let the dicks in the
back room h
BOYS I'M
cr, they'd have to nab me first. T would
make it easy for them, either; nor would
I contribute to their Police Pension Fund
after their eventual apology fo
trouble they'd caused me. They'd
have to sweat out the capture of Beaudin
P. Black, because from now on, their
quarry was going to ride the secondary
Toads.
At the next junction, a sign said that a
terrestrial zero called Bomba Ridge was
an indecipherable number of miles down
the road to the right. I hadn't the
vaguest idea as to what Bomba Ridge
was, and Гауе bet that most cops were
in the same boat. So I slammed on the
brakes, backed up and veered to the
right—thataway.
‘The road to Bomba Ridge was unat-
tractive to begin with, but within a mile
the 1991 macadam gave up in disgust and
surrendered ro the potholes. 1 had to
shift into а crawling first gear to avoid
being clobbered by the roof of the car.
This undesired dragarse advance made
it easy for a half inch of rain to treat the
1 бИ}
"The Autobiography of а Great
Lady of the Stage’ has a nice ring, but I'm nol
зит
just plain *
if it should be ‘as told to Martin Fozzik’ or
h Martin Fozzik? ”
windshield like a sluice without a sluice
for my fear to break
n. This time, 1 м
ng from the batiering-ram
fists of.
TERROR TWO:
(a) Arthur O'Bower was not a mur-
dered colonel at all.
(D) He was a fiendish little man who
had staggered to his feet with
ible urge to de-
body
P. Black,
(7.) Tt would be Colonel Arthur
O'Bower, not the assorted po-
lice of California, who'd be
hunting me down, from a view
a death. In the morn
logic was inescapable, The colo-
1 told me he'd get me: and, whar-
ever or how numerous might be,
he was à man—or monster—of his word.
Неа be a sleepless, bloodthirsty, fivedfoot,
nineinch hellhound, slavering along in
my footprints until his fang: were sunk
in my throat, in a prelude to his killing
me by degrees before casting my cadaver
to some piranhas, say, that he'd ordered
when his cabin cruiser chugged west
through the Panama A week, а
month, a year or a decade might go by.
but eventually I'd be torn by those rabid
fangs. I knew that Colonel O Bower's
auocious threats, his hideo
would be fulfilled, and
ance tiken—and this grim knowle
made me giddy. I was, by God, a gone
goose—gone infinitely farther than the
sum total of ganders among the dearly
departed who'd kicked the bucket of
poisoned т in Goosequarters West.
And there was no hope of an ANTI-
TERROR TWO. Not anymore.
My giddiness went out of control as
my mind made my gory prospects more
vivid. Eventually, T had to pull over to
the side of the road, switch off the ig
nd the headlights and sit tiri
5 sb
ation. At last, sensibly preferii
n to the revolting full-color pic-
tures my personal ОНЕ ch.
receiving, I sighed and let m;
o blissful noninvolvement
My final thought, just before a nebu-
а tempor
pened to me since noon
happens to every wellmeau
on the day he completes his military
service, then all 1 can say is—why, there's
something malevolently wrong and ra
ciously rotten in the id of the Pil-
grims’ Pride, and it could be the fault of
its funny little cutrate, comicopera
Army.
Ba
ON THE WAY TO THE POORHOUSE
that the crowd beg
their feet a
to howl, to stamp
d to denounce the rabbi,
the elders, the leaders. One of them
called out: "We have suffered long
enough from these hypocrites.
“Brothers. let's go and break windows,"
shouted Beryl the barrelmaker. А pack
ns marched into the street, lifted
and hurled them through the win-
dows of the important Janow citizens. А
Talmud student on his way to the mid-
night study was beaten. A girl who came
to pour ош the slops was attacked and her
braid cut off. From there, the rioters went
into the tavern, bought a jug of vodka,
а baglul of salt pretzels and proceeded
to the poorhouse. The old and the sick
were already asleep. but Tsilka was awake.
She had been informed about the meet-
ing. She supported her head on two pil-
lows and, in the darkness, her eyes glowed
like those of а she-wolf. Lights were lit
nd chinks were passed around. T
downed a full glass of the liquor, bit
off a bit of salt prevel and began to
malign the best people of Janow. Even
though she knew the town only from
peering through the prison bars, all the
gossip and scandal had somehow reached
her. The sleeping mendicants were awak-
ened and treated to drinks. Yosele
Bludgeon, who worked in the skiwghter-
house, became so drunk that he tore off
(continued from page 118)
Tsilka's quilt, lifted her out of the bed
and tried to dance with her, There was
seaming, laughter, clapping of 1
The children of the poorhouse became
wild and began to jump and hop as on
the day of the rejoicing of the law.
Hodel the widow went into a frenzy.
“People, the world is being desuoyed!"
Someone went to wake Zorach the
attendant, who was also the Janow grave-
digger. He tried to calm the mob, but
he received a blow. He went to the
rabbi. It Reb Zeinvele's custom 10
wake up every night to study Torah and
to write commentaries while drinking te:
from the samovar. The outside door was
bolted, the shutters dosed. Suddenly,
someone banged at the shutters with а
stick, Reb Zeinvele trembled. "Who's
there?” he called.
Rabbi, please open
The Messiah had come; the thought
ran through Reb Zeinveles mind, al
though he soon realized that the redemp-
tion would not begin at night. He went
to unbolt the door. Zorach was panting
"Rabbi, we don't live in Janow but in
Sodom,” he cried.
“What happened?”
"There's lechery in the poorhouse."
The community won. А Janow salesm
who delivered merchandise to Lul
1 30 guldens to the Lublin elders who
signed a contract to keep Tsilka there
until the day of her death. The Janow
community was ready to send Tsilka to
Lublin, but she took out a knife con
ccaled beneath her pillow and threatened
to stab anyone who tried to move her
Berish the musician, her defender,
swore that he would set fire to the houses
of the community busybodics and that
blood would be shed in Janow. Both
sides bribed the authorities. It would
have resulted in warfare if the women of
the town, even those living on Bridge
"t side
and Butcher's Alley, did
enemies. Tsil
husbands against wives and
broke up engagements. When women are
determined, men lose the upper hand.
Furthermore, Tsilka's pals fought among
themselves and some exchanged blows.
The community was now all set to exe-
cute its plan, but the coachmen's wives
would not trust their husbands to take
her in their wagons. Regular passengers
refused to travel in her company. After
much bickering, it was decided that Lei-
bush the scabhead. who transported hides
to Lublin ries. would take her in
i L as already a man in
his 50s and a grandfather, Other than
Tsilka, he took with him a wandering
beggar and (wo orphan sisters who went
to Lublin for domes
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were of no avail Leibush, a small
man, broad in the shoulders, with a
thick red beard that began in the middle
of his throat and reached his bulging
еуез, stormed into the poorhouse, tore
the knife our of Tsilka's hands, grabbed
her like a calf destined for the slaughter
house and threw her among the hides
The beggar and the maids were already
in the cart and Leibush headed straight
toward the Lublin road. Street urchins
ram alongside the wagon, screaming
URachay the harlot,” Girls peered from
behind the curtains. Tsilka poured out
the most violent curses. She spat at Lei-
bush and at the two orphans, One of
them mumbled: “You should spit with
blood and pus.” Tsilka flung herself at
the girl to scratch her eyes out. Suddenly
she burst into k hier.
“I won't spit blood, but you will carry
the chamber pots of your employers. All
day long, you will work like an ox. At
night, your mistress’ precious son will
force you to sleep with him and give you
a belly. Later, you will be thrown out
into the gutter, together with your ba
tard.”
“You should get a boil on your behind
Tor every decent maid there is in Lub-
lin,” Leibush spoke from the driver's
seat, not turning his back.
“How do you know they are decent?”
Tsilka asked. "Did you try to lie with
them?
“Му own wife was a hired girl in Lub-
lin. At the wedding, she was а kosher
virgin.”
“Kosher like a pig's knuckle. Greater
sages than you have been tricked.”
Tsilka was now pouring out vituperi
tions. She bragged about her abomina-
tions. The two sisters, perplexed, pressed
even doser to cach other and remained
silent. The mendicant leaned on his bag,
which had been filled with food and old
dothing by the charitable women of
Janow. Leibush emitted a whistle, bran-
dished his whip and spoke inquisitively
You have discarded your last shred of
shame, haven't you
“Those who are ashamed
what T did.
front of my own mother.”
“Don't you have any regrets?” the beg
gar asked. "Alter all, onc gets older, not
er. You see already that God has
punished you.
“My profession and regret don't blend.
The poorhouse is full of cripples who
constantly have God on the tip of their
tongues. The pious also have a taste for
the flesh. I should have so many good
years for how many Yeshibah boys were
my patrons. I was even visited by an
itinerant preacher who specialized in ser-
mons about morality.”
“You should live so long, if you are
telling the truth,” Leibush said.
“Leibush scabhead, you should have so
ny blisters and carbundles for thc
don't do
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number of times this preacher had me.”
“Shut your mouth or you'll soon find
your teeth in your hand," Leibush cried.
out. The beggar tried to quiet him.
“Te doesn’t рау to fall into a rage, Reb
Leibush. God does not listen to a
whore's swearing.”
"He lisens, He listens, you nasty
schnorrer. If you say опе more word, I'll
tear out your beard, with a piece of flesh.
in addition.
The two sisters, twins, let out one
short shriek. They came from a decent
home. Both had round faces, snub noses,
lips that curled upward and high bos
oms. They wore the same shawls and
their hairdos were identical, Tsilka stuck
her tongue out at them, “Two stuffed
geese.”
"phe night began to lower. The sun
was setting; large, red, with a ribbon of
cloud through the middle. The moonless
night was humid; there was lightning
not followed by thunder. The horse
walked at a slow pace. In the darkness,
one could see the glitter of glowworms,
the outline of « windmill, a scarecrow, а
haystack. Dogs barked in the villages.
Horses spending the night in the pasture
stood motionless. Once in a while, a
humming could be heard, but it was
difficult to know if it came from a beast
or a bird of prey. After a while, the cart
traveled on a road through a forest.
From the thicket wafted smells of moss,
wildflowers, swamp. Tsilka’s talk became
even more abandoned. She reviled and
blasphemed. According to her, rabbis,
scholars, important people had one thing
on their minds only—lechery. She told of
an episode with a rich young scholar
who was boarding at his [ather-in-law's
and who stayed three days and three
nights in a hayloft with her. Occasional-
ly, the horse stopped for a while, pricked
up its cars, as if curious to listen to these
human vanities. Suddenly, Tsilka cried
out: "Leibush scabhead, take me down.”
"What's the matter?"
“I have to go where even a king goes
on foot."
Since Tsilka was paralyzed, Leibush
had to carry her. He lifted her with ease,
as if she were a bundle of rags, and
carried her behind the bushes. One of
the twins uttered a laugh and grew silent
. The beggar rummaged in his bag,
pulled out an onion, bit into it and spat
it out. "By what merit does such an
outcast remain е?” he asked,
A quarter of an hour passed, perhaps
more, but the two did not return, The
horse kicked the ground once. The beg-
gar remarked: "What are they doing so
long?" and he answered himself; “They
don't sing psalms
Steps were heard. Leibush emerged
from the thicket with Tsilka in his arms.
She giggled and one could see by the
light of the stars that she was tickling
Lim and pulling at his beard, Leibush
“Dad, all this talk about birds and bees—you want
me to fix you up with a broad or something?”
carefully sat her in the cart. He then
ordered, “Everybody else get out of the
art,"
"What for?”
“I have to rearrange the hides.”
‘The three of them alighted. Leibush
jumped up onto the drivers scat,
whipped the horse and shouted: “Heyla.”
“Where are you going? Where are you
leaving us? Oy, mama!" the sisters
cricd out in unison.
Thief, brigand, whoremaster! Help,
people, help!" the beggar wailed hoarsely.
They tried to run after the cart, but
the road led downhill. The wagon soon
disappeared, Leibush had taken the beg-
gars bag and the baskets belonging to
the girls with him. The beggar beat his
breast: “Children, we are lost.’
Oy, mama!” The two girls sank down
and remained sitting on the needle-
covered ground.
‘The beggar screamed with all his
might: “There is a God! There is!”
‘The words reverberated and resound-
ed with the mocking echo of those who
rule in the night,
AIL three slept in the forest. The next
day, they headed back toward Janow. In
Zamosc, Bilgoraj, Frampol and Turbin,
the news spread about Leibush the hide
dealer, who left а wife, children and
grandchildren and ran away with a trol-
lop. Messengers were dispatched, but
they found no tace of the pair. Some
people thought that Leibush crossed the
border into h her. Others
were of the opinion that the two sinners
went (o a pricst in Lut nd were
converted. Yet others maintained that
ты a shedemon and that she
carried Leibush away into the desert of
Sodom, to Mount Scir, to Asmodeus’
castle, into the dominion of the nether
world.
Leibush's wife was never permitted to
remarry. The mendicant swore on the
Bible that he had kept 60 guldens in his
bag, a dowry for his daughtcr, who was
already past 50. He asked the community
to reimburse him for his loss.
During the winter nights, when the
girls of Janow got together to pickle
cucumbers, pluck feathers or render chick-
en fat for Passover, they would tell the
story of Tsilka the wicked and Leibush
the adultercr, who vanished into regions
from which no one has ever returned.
271
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THIS 15
"HE RUDEST
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BACK My NEXT
YOU'RE ТАМ NOT.
PLAYING E ALLOWED TO TAKE My
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HANK. THIS 15 жин
OPENING NIGHT!
Ven eap s FREAKING
IN UNKNOWN
KID FROM THE ШЕ our
BALCONY ANO
SERT HER IN
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= THEN THE
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NOBODY
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