Skip to main content

Full text of "PLAYBOY"

See other formats 


ENTERTAINMENT FOR JANUARY 1971 « $1.50 


HOLIDAY ANNIVERSARY ISSUE FEATURING 
KURT VONNEGUT, JR. - ALBERTO MORAVIA 
MICHAEL CRICHTON > BILL COSBY - EVAN 
HUNTER - MARIO PUZO - "LAUGH-IN'S" DICK 
MARTIN » JOAN RIVERS - ARTHUR C. CLARKE 
JAMES DICKEY - ALAN WATTS - GAY TALESE 
DAVID HALBERSTAM - SHEL SILVERSTEIN 
MICHAEL HARRINGTON - TOMI UNGERER 
STUDS TERKEL - DAN WAKEFIELD - SENATOR 
GAYLORD NELSON - MAYOR CARL STOKES 
GERALD GREEN - AN 4NTERVIEW WITH MAE 
WEST ‘PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE REVIEW 
PICTORIALS ON “THE ACT OF LOVE” AND 
VERUSCHKA - AND MUCH, MUCH MORE 


Seagram's 7 Crown for Christmas. 


У. > A 
` 4 
==>) 


Beautiful. 


aged at no Extra Cost. 
mpany, New York City. 
5% Grain Neutral Spirits. 


М°5 


CHANEL 


PERFUME 


Ratton С ДА 
4 > 
à : 
Ax 
P % · 


СЕТ A LEG UP WITH LEE 


PLAYBILL °° 7225 лсо, David Halberstam wow in 

PLAYBOY about the ideological rape of a 
small Southeast Asian nation by 2 military superpower. The 
article was called The Americanization of Vietnam. Halberstam, 
who won a Pulitzer Prize (and incurred the wrath ol John F. 
Kennedy) for his forthright reporting of the carly years of our 
involvement in that tortured little country, returns to our pages 
this month with an analysis of The Vietnamization of America, 
n cloquent evocation of the spiritual malaise that has gripped 
our own nation as а result of the tragedy in Indochina. 

The structural failures of our society and the reallocation of 
our resources needed to correct them are the subjects of A New 
Sel of National Priorities, a three-part symposium in this issue. 
The decay of our cities, the deterioration of the environment 

nd the enduring poverty suffered by 15 percent of the popula. 
tion are the three major challenges the U. S. must meet when it 


divests itself of the burdens of Vietnam. Our experts, Mayor 
Carl B. Stokes of Cleveland, Senator Gaylord Nelson—cospon- 
sor of Earth Day—and sociologist Michael Harrington, whose 


book The Other dmerica helped focus the nation’s attention. 
on the hard-core poor in the affluent society, discuss 
sobering authority cach of these crises and the painful adjust- 
ments that must be made to solve them before it's too late. 

If these threats 10 the social order—and to life itself—are not 
t man may ultimately find himself in the position of the 
hero in Arthur C. Clarke's Transit of Earth: wandering 
doomed across a hostile planet. Clarke—the dean of science- 
fiaion writers. a longtime rLavsoy contributor and Stanley 
Kubrick's collaborator in the creation of the screen с 
2001—recently participated in an elite symposium of scientists 
and NASA officials at which plans were mapped for U. S. space 
exploration between now and (you guessed it) 2001. The 
story's illusuation, which starkly depicts the Martian landscape 
with its satellite Phobos on the horizon, was done by Chesley 
Bonestell, the renowned artist who was among the fist to depict 
What it might be like to stand on a planet other than Earth. 
Gunz Alan Watts also finds himself working in a time to be, 
but his vision is refreshingly optimistic. In The Future of Ecstasy, 
Watts describes how man, a species uniquely in need of self- 
transcendence, will achieve a state of sensual grace 20 years hom 


MORAVIA 


1 


STOKES WATTS 


now. Waus is currently atop Mt. Tamalpais іп М 
California, finishing his autobiography. 

With such distinguished contributors coyering the larger 
social and metaphysical issues, we turned for a lighter look at 
contemporary life to a number of upbeat inhabitants of our 
own editorial department. Stall Writer Craig Vetter takes you 
Underground at the “Daily Planet” for a view of how things 
really are in the office of that bustling metropolitan daily where 
Clark Kent does his machismo number and Jimmy Olsen turn 
on. Vetter also joined Editors Geoffrey Norman and David 
Standish in producing What Exactly Should I Make Perfectly 
Clear?, a satiric sampling of the kind of advice it seems President 
Nixon sometimes receives from his most trusted counselors. 
Although none of our three staffers claims any political ambitions 
of his own, we've noticed a trend toward bureaucratese in their 
interoffice memos since this feature was completed, and one of 
them has requested Secret Service protection for his family and 
a scrambler for his office phone. 

Also for this issue, Associate Editor David Stevens contributes 
both a George Plimptonish Playboy After Hours essay on 
bobsledding mes for the Virginia Woolf Sel. a sampler 
of sadistic party diversions that emphatically excludes charades 
or buzz. And Associate Editor Lawrence Linderman writes about 
n who plays one of the most brutal games of all: profession- 
al football. But even defensive linemen have probably been 
kinder to Joe Namath than some of the people from the 
rough world of moviemaking he ran into in Italy, where he 
filmed The Last Rebel, his third picture. In High Noon for 
Broadway Joe, Linderman—who conducted our December 19% 
Playboy Interview with N 
as well as the quarterback's innermost thoughts about his 
professional sporting life, curtailed this season by a fractured 
wrist. Another kind of contest is tlie subject of Gerald Green's 
Street Games, ап alfectionate look at sports on asphalt, where a 
three-sewer man is considered the Babe Ruth of punchball. An 
even more popular and perennial sport is covered in Playboy's 
Girl Watching Quiz, which entertainingly tests the theory that a 
man’s personality is related to his preferences in female anatomy. 
n Hunters Terminal Misundesstanding, which leads off 
our New Year's fiction, is the poignant story of a шап who finds 


in County, 


iS 


HALBERSTAM 


PLAYBOY 


he cannot bridge the generation gap. The main character will his books.” James Dickey, an old friend of Dubo 
appear in Hunters new 
There, set for publication next month 
background to Alberto Moravia's four v 
mer, Autumn, Winter (which will be incorporated in his next f 
book. to be published by 
ecker & V 


and Matin 5 


stories—died of 
asked Moi 

ion of Gnoli’s draw 
ing out th 


h will be 
hacl С 


one of the writers intery 


cclebrity status 
reflect on thi 


free 


people 
interview became 
and approach to 1 
there wa 
п скани 


ati 


right and he was very 
machine. After an hour or so of fr 
“Turn the fucking thing off and take notes’ But th 
much beier. Finally, we quit, both t 
But it turns out that the session really 
‹ Gay brings to his w 
A conhrmed Kum 


ко а 


VETTER 


ir good fortune 
C. Dubois, who interviewed them, is a former Time 
ce; he admits t 
be much of a challenge. 
s words.” But a 


gs, he 


month's fiction is part two of Dealin, 
Michael and Douglas Crichton writing as “Michael Douglas” а time for roundups. Our New Y 

published by Knopf early th 
оп makes anothei 
wed for The High Cost of Fame—i 
which nine authors who have achieved the kind of success and other pLaysoy favorite, comedian Bill Cosby, contributes 


he 


ing. 


RUBARTELLT 


novel, 7 


Farrar, Straus & G 
burg Lid. i 
friend Domenico Gnoli—a gifted Renai 
did the illustrations for a previous set of Moravi 
ncer last spring at the age of 37. Whe 
in to write something to 


fter 
his work progressed, he found t 
а microcosm of that writer's personal style 
is craft. “When I interviewed Gay Tal 
a tremendous problem with the 


Vonnegut fa 


obody Knew They Wi 


roux the U. 


tet. Rou 
a novel 


oving q 


id its effects on their lives. 


didn't expect the assignment 
1, I would just be using otl 


stration, he хі 


ptured. the kind 


Ш а puton, that he had 


But when it hit paper, it was pure Interview with the imperi: 


himsical absurdity you find 


AyBoy denomi 


Dubois was at first dis- 
ted and bewildered by his interview with the enigmatic — enjo! 
novelist “I just thought it was 
really said anythin} 
Vonnegut the same kind of м 


‚ was more 
"I went down to his place in Columbia, 


e 


open and accessible 


There is a tragic South Carolina, and visited. 1 talked with him for an hour and 
metes Spring, Sum- а half and when I got back home, I 


played the tapes for some 
ids. He is a wonderful, mad genius, and they didn't want 
S. the tapes to end: they were in love with that wild man, who 
сап talk about anything and make it fascinating.” Looking 
back on the experience, Dubois 1 found one common 
ator that’s interesting to a guy like me who would like 
we û little of what these men have. ‘They all have а tremendous 


ny a second collec- amount of drive. They're at the typewriter every day. I wish I 
d- could say the same.” 
by As the foregoing feature attests, January ік traditionally 


issue includes a review of 
1970's Playmates and Playboy's Annual Writing Awards. There's 
humor in lage, laughladen quantities. Silverstein Around 
n the World is a wild collection from Shel's travel scrapbook, An- 

n 


ebon-humored fantasy, This One Will Kill You, 
comic who performs in a bleak world of the fur 
Martin, the satyric half of Laugh-In’s team, says You Gan 
to HM with You and tells you where to take her for a roman! 
mpoons wor 
PLAYBOY Contributing Editor Tomi Ungerer conceives a 
The Mirror Man; and Car and Driver columnist 
feature writer Brock Yates joins with creative adman Bruce 


рош a stand-up 
And Dick 


her 


арс recorder. He is McCall to conjure up Major Howdy Bisby's Album of Forgotten 
gly careful writer. Every word has to be exactly Warbirds, a redoubtable roundup of World W: 
ptight about the idea of talking glibly illustrious 


г Two's least 
rplanes. In the pictorial realm, the offbeat eroticism 
of Veruschka, regina of the high-fashion models, is captured by 
photographer Franco Rubartelli, Another pictorial exdusive, 


inking it was a failure. The Act of Love, is strikingly rendered by Maury Hammond, а 


of New York lensman who worked closely with Photography 
Editor Vincent Tajiri on this project. LeRoy Neiman limns 
the topic delights of Jamaica; and for your further holiday 
ment we offer the earthy wisdom of a sex goddess 
nt whose experience spans the century: а telbicall Playboy 
ble Мае West, who invites our 
in readers to come up and sec her sometime. Happy New Year! 


STEVENS 


LINDERMAN GREEN 


MICHIGAN AVENUE, CHICAGO. 


tumors 60611 


SECOND-CLASS POSTAGE PAID АТ CHICAGO, 


PUBLISHING го INC.. IN NATIONAL AND REGIONAL EDITIONS. PLAYBOY BUILDING. 919 MORTI 
IULIUS, AMD АТ ADDITIONAL MAILING OFFICES. SUBSCRIPTIONS: IN THE U.S., $10 FOR ONE TEAM. 


vol. 18, no. 1—january, 1971 


PLAYBOY. 


CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


PLAYEILL... E 
DEAR PLAYBOY... - п 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 29 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR om 51 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM _ á ae 3 57 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: МАЕ WEST—candid conversation =. n8 

iction s EVAN HUNTER 84 
GAMES FOR THE VIRGINIA WOOLF SET—humor ..... DAVID STEVENS 90 


AIRSCAPE #1-ecology 
THAT WAS THE YEAR THAT WAS—humor 
STALKING THE WILD VERUSCHKA—pictorial 


ARTHUR PAUL 92 
> JUDITH WAX 95 


TRANSIT OF EARTH—ficion. ---- ARTHUR С. CLARKE 109 
FOR THE HOLIDAYS: FORMAL WEAR—attire.. 2 ROBERT L GREEN 112 
+++ AND ELEGANT FARE—food and drink... THOMAS MARIO 114 
THE VIETNAMIZATION OF AMERICA—opinion...............DAVID HALBERSTAM 117 
SPRING, SUMMER, AUTUMN, WINTER —fiction —AIBERTO MORAVIA 119 


THE HIGH COST OF FAME—symposium... е „MICHAEL CRICHTON, 
JAMES DICKEY, SAM HOUSTON JOHNSON, JOE MC GINNISS, MARIO 
PUZO, GAY TAIESE, STUDS TERKEL KURT VONNEGUT, JR, DAN WAKEFIELD 123 


HIGH NOON FOR BROADWAY JOE—personality.... LAWRENCE LINDERMAN 128 
WHAT EXACTLY SHOULD I MAKE PERFECTLY CLEAR? —humor. 
THERE'S A LOT TO LIV—playboy's playmate of the month 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor 
А NEW SET OF NATIONAL PRIORITIES—orlicles.... .. 
CLEANSING THE ENVIRONMENT U.S. SENATOR GAYLORD NELSON 147 
SAVING THE CITIES... А „.MAYOR CARL В. STOKES 148 
ERADICATING POVERTY MICHAEL HARRINGTON 149 
YOU CAN TAKE IT WITH YOU ¿DICK MARTIN 151 
DEALING — fiction. MICHAEL DOUGLAS CRICHTON writing os "MICHAEL DOUGLAS” 152 
THE ACT OF LOVE—pi 
MAJOR HOWDY BIXBY'S ALBUM OF 
FORGOTTEN WARBIRDS—humor.. 


гаме. 


Playmate Review 


BROCK YATES ond BRUCE MC CALL 160 


DEAR WOMEN'S LIB: —humor. JOAN RIVERS 165 
NICK-OF-TIME SAINT NICK—gifis _ " eei 
UNDERGROUND AT THE "DAILY PLANET" —humor CRAIG VETTER 171 


PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE REVIEW—pictorigl e 
THE FUTURE OF ECSTASY —orti 
THE MIRROR MAN—humor......... ; 
VARGAS GIRL—pictorial. 
JAMAICA—man ot his leisu 
STREET GAMES—nostolai 
THE LITTLE PEASANT—ribald classic. 
SILVERSTEIN AROUND THE WORLD—humor. 
PLAYBOY'S ANNUAL WRITING AWARDS... 
THIS ONE WILL KILL YOU—fantasy. 
PLAYBOY'S GIRL-WATCHING QUIZ—behavior. 
ON THE SCENE—personalities... 
Last-Minute Gifts P. 168 LITTLE ANNIE FANNY —saiire... 


-ann TOMI UNGERER 185 
— ALBERTO VARGAS 189 
LEROY NEIMAN 191 
GERALD GREEN 194 
aa THE BROTHERS GRIMM 196 
сә... SHEL SILVERSTEIN 199 


Nudest Veruschka 


IARVEY KURTZMAN and WILL ELDER 279 


PLAYBOY BUILDING, B19 N. MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 80611. RETURN POSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY ALL MANUSCRIPTS, DRAWINGS AND PHOTOGRAPHS 
То BE RETURNED AND HO RESPONSIBILITY САН BE ASSUMED FOR UNSOLICITED MATERIALS. ALL NIGHTS IN LETTERS SENI TO PLAYBOY WILL HE TREATED 
AS UNCONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED FOR PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHI FORFOSES AND Аз SUSJEST то FLAYUOY'S UNRESTRICTED RIGHT то CDI AND то COMMENT EDIIOMIALLY. сок 
Tere eormıent © 1970 BY IMN FUELLING CO. WC. ALL SIGHTS FESERYED. PLAYBOY AND навыт WEAD DESIGN REGISTERED TRADEMARK MANCA REGISTRADA. 
WARQUE DEFOSEE. NOTHING MAY DE REPRINTED IM WHOLE ON IN PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE PUBLISHER ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE ANO 
PLACES IN THE FICTION AMD SEMIFICTION IN THIS MAGAZINE AND ANY REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES 15 PURELY COINCIDENTAL, CREDITS: COVER: PHCTOSMAPHY SY GILL ANSENAULT. 
OTHER PHOTOGRAPHY BY: BOB ADELMAN. P. 3; BILL ARSENAULT. P 4, 146-149. 194-195, 208; ROBERT DENYAS, P. 200; TALIS UERCHANIS, P. 4) MICHAEL BOYS, P. 178, MARIO 
CASHEL, P. 177, 212: DAVID CHAN, P. 3, A, V. TEEMAD. 118. 268; WILLIAN CLAXTON, P, 202; BILL AND MEL FIOGE, Р. 173, 129, DARME FLARILAR, ғ. а; CURT GUNTHER, 
SCHAPIRO. P. 73: MABTIN SCHUSTER. P. 232: CHL SCHWARTZ. P. 200-101: SUZANNE SEED, Р. 31; VERNON SMITH. P. 3: WORST TAPPE, P. з; LP. F. 3, 134; TED WILLIAMS, 
т. 208, bos WiLLCuGHEY, P. 204: JERIY YULSWAN, P. 3, 209. P. 195-207 © 1987, 1950, 1959, 1960, 1801, 1963, 1965, 1967 Е 1958 GY нын PUBLISMING COMPANY INC 


GENERAL OFFICE: 
SUPMITIES IF THEY Ai 


Introducin 


g the tight money 


8-track stereo system. 


Panasonic has always been known 
to give you your money's worth. 
Buttimes being like they are, 

we decided to go even ourselves 
one better. 

This isthe one. Ournew 
RE-7800. It gives you a 
phenomenal amount of sound for 
your dollar. 

Starting with an 8-track 
stereo cartridge player that lets you 
enjoy all the joys of tape 
listening without any of the 
sorrows of tape fumbling. 

And following with a superb 
receiver that plays FM, AM and 
FM stereo. A receiver strong 
enough to pull in even weak 
distant stations, smart enough to 


just slightly ahead of our ti 
¿New York 10017, F 


keep one station from interfering 
with another, and considerate 
enough tosignal when a program 
is being broadcast in stereo. 

And you'll hear it all 
through a matched set of over- 
sized speakers that deliver truly 
opulent sound. A sound you can 
adjust every-which-way with as 
sophisticated a set of controls 
as a Toscanini would want. (You 
can even adjust the amount of 
sound coming out of each speaker 
individually. ) 

But it's in the back of this 
receiver where the future lies, 
Because this stereo system has 
provisions for adding ona record 
player (like our snazzy RD-7673 


pictured ), headphones, even 
a cassette deck—when things 
loosen up a little. 
In the meantime, stop in at 
any Panasonic dealer and ask to 
see and hear the “Montvale,” Model 
RE-7800. In these tight money 
times, it could relax your outlook 
ona whole lot of things. 


1 800 242-0655. We pay for the call. Ask about Model RE-7800. 


PLAYBOY 


Craig Breedlove, land speed record holder for five years, uses Dep for Men. 


Introducing Dry Styling 
Hair Control. It's a natural! 


If you're like Craig Breedlove you're wearing your hair longer and more natural these 
days. So why use a product that was meant for the “Flat top,” the “White-wall-ears”” 
look or the “Crew cul.” Come on, get with it! Your hair needs something new. 
Something that will keep it looking dry and natural. Dep for Men Dry Styling Hair 
Control does just that, no more. A quick spray holds your hair in style all day 
without ever piling up a head of grease or giving your hair a plastered down look. 
As a matter of fact, Dep for Men pioneered the dry, natural look with our gel and 
a complete line of hairstyling products. They're all formulated to keep your hair 
looking dry, full, and natural. So get with it. Breedlove did. 


Guys with style, style their hair 
with Dep for men...naturally! 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M, HEENER 
editor and publisher 
А. С. SPECTORSKY 

associate publisher and editorial director 


MICHAEL DEMAREST exccutive editor 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 


JACK J. KESSIE managing editor 


VINCENT T. TAJIRI photography editor 


EDITORIAL 
SHELDON WAK, MURRAY FISHER, NAT LEHRMAN 
assistant managing editors 

ARTICLES: ARTHUR KRETCHMER editor, 

DAVID BUTLER associate editor 

FICTION: ROME MACNULEY edilor, SUZANNE 
ME NEAR, STANLEY PALEY assistant editors 
SERVICE FEATURES: ТОМ OWEN modern 
living editor, ROGER WIDENER, RAY WILLIAMS 
assistant editors; vonzur 1. euren fashion 
director, payin Tavıon fashion editor, navim 
ATT assistant editor; REGINALD 

POTTERTON asociate travel editor 

THOMAS MARIO Jood E drink editor 

STAFF: FRANK M. ROBINSON, CRAIG VETTER М0] 
wrilers: MYNRY FENWICK, WILLIAM J. 
HELMER, LAWRENCE LINDERMAN, ROBERT J. 
SHEA, DAVID STEVENS, DAVID STANDISH, 

MOMERT ANTON WHSON asociate editors 
LAURA LONGLEY, LEE NOLAN, GEOFFREY 
NORMAN, JAMES SPURLOCK awistant 
J. PAUL GETTY (business c finance), 

NAT MENTOFE, MICHAEL LAURENCE, RICHARD 
WARREN LEWIS, KEN W. PURDY, JEAN 

SHEPHERD, KENNETIE TYNAN, ТОМІ UNGERER 
contributing editors 

COPY: ARLENE MOURAS editor, 

STAN AMER assistant editor 

RICHARD м. korr administrative editor 
PATRICIA PAPANGELIS rights E permissions 
MILDRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant 


ART 
11. MICHAEL SISSON executive assistant; 
RONALD BLUME, том STAENLER associale 
directors; NOR POST, RERIG TOPE, ROY MOODY, 
LEN WILLIS, CHET SUSKI, JOSEPH PACZEK 
assistant directors: MICELLE Оку associate 
cartoon editor; ACTOR HURKARD, 

KAREN OFS art assistants 


ditors; 


PHOTOGRAPRY 
BEV CHAMBERLAIN, ALFRED DE DAT, MARILYN 
GRABOWSKI associate editors; JEFFREY COMEN, 
MARVIN LEIIENAN assistant editors; nna. 
ARSENAULE, DAVID CHAN, DWIGHT HOOKER, 
POMPEO POSAR, ALUNAS URRA sfaf] photog- 
raphers; car. Ta associate staf] photographer; 
MIKE comaro photo lab chief; LEO кїїм. 
color chief; 1ANICE wERKOWITZ сіне) stylist 


PRODUCTION 

JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARCO 
manager: ELEANORE WAGNER, RITA JOHNSON, 
GERRIT нию assistants 


READER SERV 
JANET PILGRIM director; CAROLE CRAIG MET 


‘CIRCULATION 
ALVIN WIEMOLD subscription manager; 
VINCENT THOMSON newsstand. manager 


ADVERTISING 
HOWARD W. LEDERER ad 


tising director 


ROBERTS. PREUSS 
business manager and associate publisher 


PLAYBOY, January 1971, Vol. 18, No. | 
Published monthly by HMH Publishing 
Gompany Inc., Playboy Building, 919 North 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 


Give the martini drinker something extra. 
Seagram’s Extra Dry. 


EN 
СА 


4^ peo s. The perfect martini gin. 


‘SENORAM DISTILLERS COMPANY, MEW YORK CITY, 90 PRODF. DISTILLED DRY OIN. DISTILLED FROM AMERICAN ОВАН, 


Taste too hot to handle ? 


TOBACCS CORT. 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ЕЭ sooness паүгот masazine PLAYEOY BUILDING, 919 n MICHIGAN AVE, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS EDET 


ATTORNEY FOR THE DEFENSE 
I enjoyed and profited from the Octo- 

ber Playboy Interview with Bill Kunstler. 
He did a remarkably good job under 
pressure of time, although there are sev- 
eral matters on which, quite naturally, we 
differ. The way Nat Hentoff conducted 
the interview was outstanding. His work 
should be a model for future interviewers 
of controversial characters. 

Fred Rodell 

Professor of Law 

Yale University Law School 

New Haven, Connecticut 


Nar Hentol's interview with Bill 
Kunstler is the best you've run since I've 
been reading your magazine. It was a 
great. job, and the fact that. Bill's been a 
friend of mine doesn't alter my judgment 
I feel one hell of a lot safer here in 
George Wallace country knowing that 
Bill Kunstler is ont there somewhere 
practicing law the way he sees it. 

P. D. East, Editor 
The Petal Paper 
Fairhope, Alabama 


Tread with interest and deep concern 
your lengthy interview with Kunstler. I 
didn't expect much, but found even less. 
The callous and illogical rhetoric of this 
shallow man makes me sick to my stom 
ach; his blatant double standards in т 
gard to violence and political repression 
must sucly tum off any thoughtful 
reader. 

I recently saw Kunstler in person for 
the first (and hopelully the last) time 
when he spoke at the University of 
Maryland, shaving the platform. with 
former assistant attorney general John J 
Garrity. It was supposed to be a debate 
on dissent. An extremely partisan. audi- 
ence cheered wildly as Kunstler vigorously 
denounced Government suppression of 
the Bill of Rights (іе. "I should be 
permitted to come here and say that the 
R.O.T.C. building should be burned 
down, if that would do any good, but I 
can't, because the First Amendment lı 
been emasculated”). Then this sterling 
civil libertarian and 


righteous cha 
pion of free speech proceeded to sit 
calmly by while his bigoted supporters 


jecred and shouted obscenities at Garrity, 


effectively denying him his own right to 
freedom of expression. This incident 
plus Kunsders unbelievable credo of 
defending only those he loves, leads me 
to conclude that the man is committed to 
perpetrating those things he professes to 
deplore: lies and injustice. 

Patrick Clifford 
University of Maryland 
College Park, Maryland 


t to Chi 


ago during the ill-famed 


ual and testified on behalf of the five 
defendants whom I had met at rallies 
and press 


conferences. Kunstler im- 

he is warm and interesting 
zealous and effective. I sensed 
the oppression at the wial; although 
physical surroundings were normal, the 
precautions taken and the mien of the 


guards were not. 
not let Kunstler 
swer, to make our p 
was wasted except lor the presentation 
of a legitimate Catholic monsignor to a 
square Chicago jury 
In Chicago, I spent many hours talking. 

with Dellinger and. Kunstler, and since 
then have read much about the trial and 
the philosophy of both sides. Kunstler 
was right in sitting still for the exhaus- 
tive interview, even tough he dislikes 
what your magazine docs t0 еліп its 
basic bread (I do, t0). In the interview, 
Kunstler has told it all and, if only one 
tenth of your readers tackles the inter- 
view seriously, the truth will have gained 
currency in some unlikely minds. There 
are more sex maniacs than radicals and 
it may do the stockbrokers good to think 
about radicals for a while rather t 
girls, or boys. or whatever they normally 
fantasize about. 

The Rev. Msgr. Charles ©. Rice 

Holy Rosary Church 

Pittsbingh, Pennsylvania 


he little judge would 
question, nor me ап- 
nts, and my trip 


Kunstler a 


seris that the burning ol 
buildings and other acts of destruction 
are necessary and proper to achieve cer 
tain objectives connected with the libera- 
tion ol the oppressed. But what would 


his reaction be if these objectives were 
reached—only to be followed by protests, 
destruction of property and other acts of 
violence by another generation of pro- 
westors who oppose these objectives? 


Chantilly 
can shake her 
world. 


[| 


ТЕ 
TOILETTE 


| | Chantilly | 
| 


PURE SPRAY 
250FLOZ 


HOUBIGANT 


--— © 


Quelques Fleurs 
The pie of 
beautiful past. 


PLAYBOY 


12 


Undoubtedly, the repression that would 
come from those then in power would 
put present so-called storm-trooper tac- 
tics to shame. And so it goes. To follow 
the Kunstler philosophy is the surest way 
to court chaos. 

Charles В. Zimmerman, Jr. 

Springfield, Ohio 


The tragedy of William Kunstler is 
that he does irreparable harm to the 
forces he is most sympathetic with; as he 
identifies himself with the youth move- 
ment, the youth movement is conversely 
identified with him. Valid points made 
by the young often 
cause Kunstler and his kind have stigma- 
tized the movement 

Ki need for revolu- 
tion faulty pren Не cither 
wrongly believes or falsely conveys the 
impression that the people of this cow 
пу аге oppressed by the Government 
and would welcome his life style. Не 
betrays his own cause for acceptance of 
different life styles by attempting to 
force his life style on those who—and he 
obviously finds this impossible to believe 
—simply do not want or need it. 

I propose to Kunstler that he choose 
either of two routes open to him: one, 
that he work positively and construct 
ly within the system for lawful change 
two, should he find this impossible or 
intolerable, thar he withdraw to a com- 
inunc and live what he feels is the utopi- 
an life. In other words, Kunstler, ba 
do your own thing, but at the same time 
let us do ours. 

S/Sgt. David A. Highlands 
APO San Francisco, California 


on a 


STRANGER THAN FICTION 

Joyce Carol Oates's chilling Saul Bird 
Relate! Communicate! Liberate! 
тоу, October) is a terrifyingly ac- 
Curate portrayal of a completely hypo- 
critical egomaniac. These faculty activists 
Jack many, or all, of the great 
1 а true teacher should have—solid 
scholarship, dedication to the task of 
teaching, compassion for students and 
respect for their peers who may happen 
not to agree with them, They seck to 
destroy and never try to build, because it 
takes a completely different set of tools 
to build than it does to destroy and these 
radical revolutionaries simply lack the 
proper tools, 


Сап Richards 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


In the guise of fiction, Saul Bird 
Says: Relate! Communicate! Liberate! 
is actually a brilliant description of Ше 
Canadian campus scene. But let 
іс make onc correction and some am- 
р! ion. In reality, at the first sign of 
Bird's discomf the “branch plant” 
Canadian Association of University 
Teachers (executive director an Ameri 


cu 


of course) would have come rushing 
to the defense. American readers may 
mot understand the expression. branch 
plant. If you think of Ame а huge 
factory (which isn't too hard), then Can- 
ada is—unfortunately—a branch plant. 
Most facets of life in Canada fall under 
this description. The economy is branch 
plant. The dominant mentality in the 
universities is branch plant For ex- 
ample, the social sciences are currently 
dominated by the Ame establ 
ment fad of “value-free behaviorism. 
Any C academic who objects 
vociferously enough gets nonrenewed, or 
denied tenure, or is never hired in the 
first place. 


Raymond 5. Rodgers. Ph.D, 

Point Roberts, Washington 

“Saul Bird Says: Relate! Communi- 

cate! Liberate!” was selected as 1970 

Best Short Story in “Playboy's Annual 
Writing Awards.” See page 208. 


PORNO TO THE PEOPLE 

Having read many scanty but sensa- 
tional articles on Denm 
of the production and d 
nography, I am indebted to your fine 
magazine for publishing Pornography and 
the Unmelancholy Danes (et Avuoy, Octo- 
ber. informative reportage that really 
told me what was going on over there. 
The photography was excellent and John 
Skow let the reader know what the man 
on the street thinks about the whole 
thing. 


Ralph Johnson 
Chicago, Ш 


shing ob- 
dage th 


John Skow's article on y 
scenity rest proves the 
Just conquers 


Ralph Ginzburg 
New York, New York 


FROG POWER 
1 thoroughly enjoyed The Giant 
icken-Eating Frog. by Professor Mor- 

ultifer (rLAvBoy, October). It is, 
by far, one of the cleyerest pieces of 
humor I have read. His spontaneity and 
freestyle approach made it a laudable 
and delightful story, the type that catch 
es you unawares and ОЁ guard, and 
that’s the best kind. 


Nelson Williams 
Chicago, Illinois 


I read Professor Stultifer’s treatise on 
the Giant ChickenEating Frog with 
great interest. Although T have not yet 
seen Leptodactylus Pentadactylus in situ, 
nd strongly envy Professor Stultifer h 
hours of study in the jungle, there is one 
point I would like to question 

1 must take issue with Professor Stulti- 
fers description of the courtship and 
mating of T. С. С.Е. F. I can only imag- 
ine that he must have come across an 


unusually rafish couple while cowering 
1 his rainsoaked bushes. Най they 
watched too many wandering hippies, 
perhaps, or found a copy of Human 5. 

ual Inadequacy? As the picture below 
proves, among civilized frogs and toads, 
at Кам, the male exudes complete 
don to lust, while the female couldn't 
interested. She Hausfrauly lets him 
his way with her, and the only 


be le 
have 
thought that sits through her dozing 


mind is whether he will get finished in 


time for her to go to the big white sale. 
This reaction, I am sorry to say, is fairly 
universal among female amphibians and 
leads, no doubt, to a very short con- 
nubial period. As soon as the eggs are 
laid, off the male scampers to join the 
boys watching the football game. Thus, 1 
am mystified by the endearments and 
erotic phrases Professor Stultifer daims 
he heard the female Leptodactylus Pen- 
tadactylus utter. Could it be possible 
that the professor, mildewing alone i 
his rainsoaked bushes, or sitting barr 
caded in a concrete bunker, with only a 
shotgun on his lap, succumbed to a fit 
of anthropomorphism or, more likely, 
salientiamorphism, and “heard” thes 
words of endearment from recollections 
floating around in his memory since his 
last trip to civilization? 
George Porter 
New York, New York 
We won't jump to any conclusions, but 
as author of “World of the Frog and the 
Toad,” George Porter should know more 
about it than Stultifer, who, incidentally, 
was apprehended shortly after the ap- 
pearance of this story for transporting an 
attractive—but unfortunately underage— 
polliwog across state lines for immoral 
purposes. We sincerely hope he doesn’t 
croak in jail, though, because there's а 
surprise waiting for him when he gets out 
—our annual award for best satire to 
appear in ғілувоу during 1970. 


KILLING TIME 

The Many Faces of Murder, by Truce 
Porter, in your October issue, does а 
distinct service for your readers. Ihe 
senseless multiple murders, from which 
no year is free in the United States, 


Give the luck of the Scotch. 
Johnnie Walker Red UR 


Sosmooth-worlds best selling Scotch 


Blended Scotch Whisky. 86.8 Proof. Imported by SOMERSET IMPORTERS, LTD., New York, М. Y. 


„and you 
thought all vodkas 


were . 


PLAYBOY 


Its the only vodka in the world with a 
patent on smoothness 


Gordon's? Vodka is screened 15 times by 
an exclusive U. S. patented process (No. 2,879,165) 
which makes it the smoothest, clearest, 


most mixable vodka you can buy. 


n 80 PROOF. DISTILLED FROM GRAIN. GORDON'S DRY GIN CO., LTD., LINDEN, N. J. 


should be brought to the attention of all 
of us who may unwittingly be living 
next door to tomorrow's headline. As 
Porter points out, the Killer is more 
likely to be the quiet, "good" citizen 
than the bloodthirsty “maniac” pictured 
in novels or the entertainment media. 
praynoy is (о be thanked for publishing 
this down-to-carth treatment of one of 
our endemic social diseases. It strikes at 
the most unexpected times and is as dead- 
ly as cancer. The public should kuow 
something of this danger. 

Walter Bromberg, M. D. 

Sacramento, California 


Bruce Porter's article was well re- 
searched, reasoned, rational and persun- 
sive. Essentially. I am in agreement with 
the general tenor of his piec 
My own position is heavily we 
a favor of the biological and org 
roots of human behavior. 1 do not deuy 
that environment has a role to play, but 
it seems to me that the emphasis must be 
on the fundamental physiological proc- 
esses. I T were asked to give a quantitative 
breakdown of the relative importance of 
organic and environmental influence, 1 
would assign a ratio of 80 percent to 20 
percent in favor of biology, which pro- 
vides the basic structure of the species 
and the individual the environment 
сап only mold within the limits allowed 
by the biology. All the environmental 
manipulation in thc world will not cn- 
able a Percheron to defeat a thorough- 
bred in the Kentucky Derby, nor enable 


піс 


a rabbit to live the life of a lion. 

‘The principle of biological primacy is 
mandatory in understanding Homo bel- 
licosus. We ате all descended hom those 
hominids who conquered the ice, and 
these progenitors have left us with а 
legacy of aggression, drive and the deter 
mination to crush any opposition by 
force. As Albert Camus said, we are all 
killers 

The drive to destroy is in our genes. 
In my experience, and I have examined 
dozens of murderers, the essential point 
is that killers are not aberrant monsters 
—they are ordinary human beings. Han 
nah Arendt has spoken of “the banality 
of evil” and 1 certainly find this correct: 
the single common denominator that all 
murderers have is that they are no dif 
ferent from other people. ОЁ course. we 


sec schizophrenia, brain damage, addic 
tion, alcoholism and other psychiatric 
entities in many of them—but these 


things are not unique to the murderer. 
My opinion is that we have looked in 
the wrong direction in our study of 


murder. The question is not why some 
men Kill but, rather, why more do not. 
The problem lies not in the accelerator 
but in the brake; the aggressive destruc- 
tive drive is in all men—consider man's 


historical record of war and yiolence— 
but, fortunately, we have inhibiting 
mechanisms. It is in the study of thesc 


Leggero. Mini cycle... maxi fun. 


65cc Leggero. To move you. With a light-hearted spirit that sets you free. Wher- 
ever you want to be .. . whenever you want to be there. Flaming red finish. Three- 
speed gearbox. New wide-tread Pirellis. And a husky 2-cycle engine that delivers 
uncommon economy. Leggero. The one machine with a place in your life. For 
easy-to-ride, easy-to-buy, low-cost fun. And a lifestyle as bright as tomorrow. 
From Harley-Davidson. Number one where it counts... on the road and in the 
records. AMF | HARLEY-DAVIDSON, Milwaukee, Wisconsin 53201 


the Harley- 
Davidson 
ШУТЛ outperfi ormers 


PLAYBOY 


E 


VOY SANTANA 
27. ABRAXAS 


Herb Alpert € 


The Tijuana Brass 
THE JIMI HENDRIX 
EXPERIENCE GREATEST 


191338 2 records count as 1 


195271 
= 
GREATEST HITS 


О.С. SMITH'S 
GREATEST HITS 


[BARBRA SIRELSAID'S 
GREATEST HITS 


Dene 
GREATEST HTS 
д Д5 
792179 191874 
y JIMI HENDRIX 
елы мп | | THE BEST OF DEEST 
„Round, abe [SMASH 
маном. | 
(сш ге 
Ее laS a 
176511 182238 188656 
RAY CONNIFF | [NONGO AERE DEDE 
юге сев | | SANTAMARIA'S d 
КЫ iat 
Melon 
"ion 


— 163103 191817 176776 
© 1911 CBS Direct Marketing Services CR-200/S71 


Ее à wa THE 
PATCHES 
IRON BUTTERFLY CUARENCEICARTER wit Aus 


SHOW 


WITH PINERA & RHINO. 
METAMORPHOSIS 


We. 


195701 | 


» Engelbert 
йштрёпїпсй | iM NABORS 
WE MADEIT 
HAPPEN 


plus mailing 
and handling 


SAVE ALMOST 50% ON HIT RECORDS 


AS A MEMBER OF THE COLUMBIA 


RECORD CLUB You simply agree to buy 
10 records during the coming 2 years 


CROSBY, STILLS 
NASH Е YOUNG 
DALLAS TAYLOR 
& GREG REEVES 


TEN YEARS 
TOGETHER 


YES, IT'S TRUE-if you join right now, you тау heve your 
choice of ANY 12 of these records for only $2.86. And all 
you have to do is agree to buy as tew as ten records (at the 
regular Club price) during the coming two years. 

That's right!—you'll have two full years in which to buy 

your ten records. After doing so, you'll have acquired 22 
records—but you'll have paid for just half of them . . „that's 
practically а 50% saving olf regular Club prices! 
AS A MEMBER you will receive, every four weeks, a copy 
of the Club's entertaining music magazine. Each issue de- 
scribes the regular selection for each musical interest and 
almost 300 other records . . - hit albums from every field of 
music, from scores of record labels. 

If you do not want any record іп any month = just tell us 
so by returning the selection card by the date specified 
or you may use the card to order any of the records offered 
lí you want only the regular selection for your musical in- 
terest, you need do nothing—it will be shipped to you 


MARK LINDSAY 
SILVER BIRD 


i Iwo-nrconpS 
Count AS ONE 


WE UP SUNSHINE Bx 
E 
CSS 


187286 


automaticelly. And from time to time, the Club will offer БЕШИНЕН (== TUE 
some special albums, which you may reject by returning the HOLDING company | PERCY FRI STRINGS 
special dated form provided—or accept by doing nothing. pn The Beatles Ит 
RECORDS SENT ON CREDIT. Upon enrollment, the Club CHEAP THRILLS 

will open a charge account in your name . . . records will " 


be mailed and billed to you at the regular Club price of 
$4.98 (Classical and occasional special albums somewhat 


193177 194712 


higher), plus а mailing and handling charge. HESTE 171504 
FANTASTIC BONUS PLAN. As soon as you complete your 
enrollment agreement. you will automatically become eli- THE DE менон! [b ¡Joe Cocker!) 


gible for the Club's generous bonus plan, which entitles 
you to one record of your choice free (plus 25¢ for mailing 
and handling) for every one you buy thereafter! 

SEND NO MONEY—JUST MAIL THE POSTPAID CARD. 
Write in the numbers of the twelve records you want, for 
which you will be billed only $286, plus mailing and han- 
dling. Be sure lo indicate the type cf music in which you 
are mainly interested. Act today! 


Puron aan самом. 


[i "A BOY NAMED | | 
FOLSOM CHARLIE BROWN"| [5 
PRISON aM) p 
Jackson 


Columbia Record Club 
a service of 


М olumbia 
louse 


Terre Haute Indiana 47808. 


PLAYBOY 


18 


New thinking ts. 


aprojector for people 
who’vehada 
slide show flop. 


Slide Cube Model 
382 Projector. 


Not any more. The Slide Cube" Projector 
has a preview station to scan slides before 
they go on the screen. You can select and 
show. or bypass. If a slide is wrong. simply 
turn it over or around. You'll save space, 
too. Slide Cube Cartridges store 640 slides 
in the space of one round tray. at a third 
the cost. The Slide Cube System. 


ІШ Bete Howe 


Compare us 


to other Cassette Recorders: 
Ours inciudes a superb FM/AM radio. 
Battery or AC operated. Aulomatic level control. 
2-track for playing and recording. 

Records direct from radio or by microphone. 


And the price is right. 


| (In а confusing world of good and bad 


cassette recorders) 


You’re home 
with Magnavox. 


See your Magnavox dealer (Yellow Pages). 


comtrolling elements that our hope for 
future reduction of homicide must lie. 
Marvin Ziporyn, M. D. 
Chicago, Illinois 
Dr. Ziporyn co-authored with Jack Alt- 
man “Born to Raise Hell: The Untold 
Slory of Richard Speck.” 


PORTRAIT OF A PRESIDENT 
Congratula 10 Tom Wicker for 
Nixon’s the One—But What? (PLAYBOY, 
). He presented an accurate, awe- 
g commentary on a President with 
lents. I wonder if Nixon 
ictions and policies arc in the 
est interests of his country, or, as seems 
to the truth, if he is doggedly 
following a “game plan” that, becruse of 
the nearsightedness of its creator, allows 
no room for alterations or sympathetic 
responsiveness to the changing needs and 
demands of the people. I consider mysell 
to b her liberal nor conservative, 
but a somewhat objective mixture of the 
two. As such, I would think that I could 
condone at least some of Nixon's actions. 
Unfortunately for me and (as I see it) my 
country, І cannot. Wicker, I'm 
you're right: “He could never make the 
first strin, 


J- H. McClatchy 
Baltimore, Maryland 


Wicker’s article is a clear-cut appraisal 
and analysis of the Nixon Administ 
"The piece shows that on the Vietn: 
war, inflation and domestic problems, 
the President has practiced double 1: 
and reverse action despite the immedi: 
necessity of solving these problems. He 
has len short of the expectations of 
the people who clected him, and he 
expands our altogether too great di 
siveness to the extent that we despair ol 
sing us togeth- 
cable future. 

Stephen G. Spotiswood, Chairman 
National Board of Directors 
NAACP 

Washington, D. С. 


er” in the for 


In his latest attack on а White House 
occupant, Tom Wicker goes to consider 
able lengths to document evidence in sup- 
port of i i 
superiority versus Presidential inferiority 
However, by substituting distortion for 
documentation, he has delivered a fatal 
blow to that thesis. 

One has to suppose that Wicker's sub- 
ordin: nent was to са! 
complaints about the Nixon 
tration prior to 1970's Congressional 
elections. In so doing, he has presented a 
lucid description of the most interesti 


al apparently favors polic 
coercion except in those cases in which the 
policies are anti-Communist. Wicker's 
n "failures" d. 


ш nsored, 
Promises for lovers. 


(Promise her anything but give her Arpege.) 


This Christmas give her 9. 1 promise that since [ыг with men who are just 


an Arpege Promise. I've met you even my wife friends. — 

Just pick a promise Write likes better. 13. [promise you're the only 
it on a card. ‘And wrap it up one. (ed. note: may be used 
with a gift of Arpege. more than once.) 

Arpege and promises go 14. I promise to sto 
rogether. bragging about my former 

They always have. conquests, _ 

There are 34 ge 15. I promise to be gentle. 
gifts from$2.50 08500. 16. I promise I'll scoot right 
il. K proni not tobe over when you're ready. Га 

so , lous. | like to be the first. 
. promise that some- 17. I promise that if 


day you won't have 
to turn your ring around 
when we check into 
ahotel. — 

3. І promise you've made 
me forget you-know-who. 

. I promise that if you 
stop pointing out happily 
married couples, I'll Í 
stop pointing put unhappily 


itends, we'll always 
be friends. 


An Arpege Promise 
Be. , 
promue Youle 


re рр 


1 
қ 


married couples. “© ] 22 
УЫ тїш tostop grilling ¡Ds yYru-kmow- wo 
you about your past. 10. 1 promise to Le, h 
6. popiet ect your look into one of - - 
moral code, even if it hurts. thosenew machine- 


7.1 promise I'll stop washable toupees. 
seeing — ‚if you'll 11. I promise to love your 
stop seeing. psyche as well as your 


8. I promise not to kida- physique. 
round on the side. 12.I promise you can have 


PLAYBOY 


20 


New thinking is... 


ahome mov 


іе system 


for people with 
anew poem to say. 


—_ 


Filmosound 8 System 


Sound. Super 8 movies that laugh and sing 
and talk. They're easy and inexpensive and 
unforgettable with Вей & Howell's new 
Filmosound 8 System: a great super 8 cam- 
era, a handy, plug-in cassette recorder, and 
projector, Start with camera or projector 
for great silent movies, or get the whole 
Filmosound 8™ System for sound movies 
now, at your nearest dealer. 


[ Bee Howe 


(To decide on your personal stereo system) 


You're home 


with Magnavox 


г 


Compare us to other Radio-Phono systems: 
Solid State Stereo FM/AM radi 
360 degrees of projected sound. No-drift lock for FM. 

Stereo balance control. Headphone jack. 

Optional matching, wonderfully compact. 4-speed record player. 
And the price is right, 


See your Magnavox dealer (Yellow Pages). 


- Air suspension speakers. 


is viewed as fundamental to the solution 
of modern problems. It is a simple appli- 
cation of a basic law of liberal politics— 
when you are uo longer capable of the 
contemplation necessary for meaningful 

ition, take the casy route of articula- 
n and innovatioi 


Robert S. Walker 
Washington, D. C. 


WHEN MOVIES WERE MOVIES 

Lesli Epstein’s Cine-Duck (PLAYBOY 
October) is, without doubt, one of the 
most affecting and evocative pieces about 
the movie since Parker 
Tyler's early articles. Like Tyler. Epstein 
has an enviable ability to recall an image 
ог a scene in marvelously precise yet 
poetic words. T w. ially pleased to 
have the late arly Sixties 
given their due. Too often, writers about 
films tend to paint the distant. past with 
тозу hues, but find the present or the 
recent past pure dross, What hurts is to 
tures that seemed to have 
ed only yesterday have al 
ready acquired a nostalgic glow. As 
Shakespeare said: “And Time, that gave 
doth now his gift confound.” 

Arthur Knight 
Los Angeles, Californ 

Our editors concurred with film сүйіс 
Knights assessment and voled Leslie Ep 
stein runner-up Best New Writer (nan 
fiction) in “Playboy's Annual Writing 
Awards.” 


By insisting on treating film as an 
form rather than si another medi 
input, Gine-Duck testifies in every line to. 
the intimate connection between creative 
work and the moral im. ion, It fairly 
bursts with floods of insight. 
John Clellon Holmes 
Old Saybrook, Connecticut 
pLaynoy contributor John Clellon 
Holmes authored “Go,” one of the earliest 
Beat Generation novels. 


CRITICAL PLAYMATE 

Your September Playmate, Debbie Elli 
indicated it was her ambition to be a 
let critic. In need of a reviewer of the 
we contacted Debbie and got a 
sample of her writing. Our new ballet 
critic: Debbie Elli 


Kenneth 5. Opin 
Associate Publisher 
Publick Occurrences & 
Boston After Dark 
Boston, Massachusetts 


THE GUERRILLA GOURMET 

T very much enjoyed Tomi Ungerer's 
How to Su in a French Restaurant 
in your October issue. Just one com 
ment: For maximum effect, it’s imper. 
tive that one шесі the waiters in 
French restaurant on their own ground 
1 recommend the following ripostes: 

1. “Сем le meilleur bouillon d'eau 
que aie jamais god.” (“This is the 


ive 


ys 
SIVA TIAS 
Lowest 7 
in tar of all OOS 
lower 
than most kings: 


MS ХУ 555% Thi 8 
SAS U p 
toSIVA THINS 


PLAYBOY 


22 


the roar of a 
rock festival 
from a little box. 


It's Bell & Howell's fantastic new Bass 
Boom Box. Technically, it's a cassette re- 
corder plus acoustical cabinet and 5” air 
suspension speaker, But really, it's explod- 
ing music. 10 times the booming bass. All 
that from a thing the size of a shoe box. 
And all for $79.95. Hear it today. 


[ГЇ Bette Howe 


rn een 2-0 


Combine Europe 
with a new 
Mercedes-Benz. 


This coupon will bring you, free, the Mercedes-Benz Guide to European 
Delivery. How to order a Mercedes-Benz here, pick it up there, The 
advantages of touring in your own Car. Facts on shipping it home. Plus а 
color brochure, factory-delivered prices and a work sheet to figure sav- 
ings. For your Guide, mail to: Mr. Peter Grassl, Mercedes-Benz of North 
America, Inc., 158 Linwood Plaza, Fort Lee, N.J. 07024. 


NAME. 


ADDRESS. 


CITY. ‚STATE. 


finest water soup I have ever tasted.") 

2. “Pai demandé de l'huile d'olive, 
pas de moteur." (“1 asked for olive oil, 
not motor ail." 

8. "C'est de la viande, ce machin, ou 
vous ne servez que des végétariens?” (“Is 
this thing meat, or do you only serve 
vegetarians? 

4. "J'ai demandé. une crêpe, pas une 
("I asked for a pancake, not а 
e.) 

Vous appelez ca addition? C'est 
un budget delal." ("That's not the bill 
—that's the national budget.") 
William Robinson 
Assistant Profesor of French 
Corning Community College 
Corning, New York 


GETTING AROUND 
вълувоу has done itself proud by pub- 
lishing David Rorvik’s The Transport 
October). After 
of man selt 
it’s refreshing 
article that covers the posi 
prospects of extended technology. Rorvik 
brings hard facts to 1 visions of 
automated. autos, luxu aft 


icr hover 


a but also carcfully 1 
George 
Los Angeles, C: 


David Ror pressive 
case for changes in automobiles, but he 
Is to consider how to change the drivers 
to whom the automobile is far more than 
a vehicle for travel. It's also a vehicle for 
their inherent hostilities, unconscious 
suicidal tendenci many other 
autoerotic automotivations. Rorvik also 
quotes an authority as saying he consid 
ers most science fiction obsolete, but his 
ride immediately reminded me of the 
t science-fiction story I ever read 
i The Revolt of the 
which constant use ol 
mechanical transport atrophies the legs 
of most of the popula nd a num- 
ber of others predicting the тап of the 
future spending his lifetime trave 
superhighways in supercars. No, Rorvik, 
science fiction is not dead, it is alive and 
flourishing in our own tomorrow. 
Robert Bloch 
New York, New York 
Author of “Psycho” and a PLAYBOY 
contributor, Robert Bloch is presently 
president of Mystery Writers of America. 


Pedestrians, in 


Комік presents а fascina 
of our mobile future, one tha 
inly hope might come true. I was 
mly surprised. to note that—with: 
out exception—all of the planned wonders 
have been described in seience-fieti 
ing Ше past four decades 
y, speculation in this field has 
left a lor to be desired, but mankind now 
has the means to construct any planned 


; № HERA UPAGAINST 
Е | МЕЕ THE WALL 
А dMARBORO 

POSTERS 


Inexpensive—dramatic— 
Everywallcan be 


and 


with every order 
Plasti-Tak 


REIT 


P394 Рэва PEGE PERS 
Р565 PEGS PES6 P743 
P622 P673 P703 P745 
P624 РЕВБ P705 p746 
P149 
P628 PEB7 P707 p750 
P629 РЕВВ F708 P751 
БӨЗІ PE91 P709 Р760 
393 P562 р655 P692 P728 P788 
P737 p793 


PLAYBOY 


4 


The greatest record and tape offer in our history... FOR EVERYONE — EVEN THOSE 


тее... ANI 3 STEREO LPS or 


WITH ABSOLUTELY NO OBLIGATION 


65784 MELANIE- 
Leftover Wine 
Budda LP, STR, CASS. 


42745 WOODSTOCK 
‘Soundtrack (3 records) 
Cott LP 


44153 TRAFFIC John. 
Barleycorn Must Die 
Uniar LP, BTR, CASS 


30622 TEMPTATIONS 
Greatest Hits, Vol. 2 
Gordy LF, BIR, CASS 


21077 JOAN BAEZ— 
One Day tA Tine, 
tu LP, STR, CASS 


42603 KING CRIMSON 
In The Ce 
iln UB, BIA, cass 


15759 TCHAIKOVSKY 


17317 CASALS PLAYS 
1812 Overture BEETHOVEN SONATAS 
Mercu LP, 8ТЕ, CASS Phili LP 


Ja 


31787 MAMAS & PAPAS 
—16 Greatest Hits, 
Dunhi LP, 8ТЕ, CASS 


38357 SUGARLOAF 
Liber LP, TR, CASS 


67509 GRASSROOTS 
Mere Golden Grass 
Dunhi LP, OTR, CASS 


33469 BEST OF BUF- 
FALO SPRINGFIELO 
Alco LP, 8ТЕ, CASS 


12286 DUSCHENES 33083 COUNTRY JOE 
RECORDER QUARTET Е FISH—C) Fish 
Baroq LP Vangu LP, BTR, CASS 


44365 JACQUES BREL 
a Yon бо Away 


17263 GREGORIAN 
CHANT. 
Phili LP 


“чыз 


34525 HELLO OOLLY— 
Soundtrack. 
Twece LP, BTR, CASS. 


42678 LED ZEPPELIN 
Atlan LP, ЕТЕ, CASS 


67510 THREE DOG 
NIGHT- Naturally 
Dunhi LP, 8TR, CASS 


44387 MYSTIC MOODS 
ORCH.—English 
Muffins 

Phili LP, STR, CASS 


30618 DIANA ROSS 
Motow LP, BTR, CASS 


44758 FERRANTE 8. 


42710 IRON BUTTER: 
TEICHER—Love Is. FLY—Metamorphasis 
A Soft Touch. Atco LP, STR, 

Vnihr LP, STR, CASS 


66595 BOBBY 
SHERMAN 

= ного Comes Bobby 
Metro LP, BTR, CASS 


11048 MESSIAH 
G record set) 
Philî LP 


38359 IKE Е TINA 
TURNER Come 


Together 
Liber LP, ВТВ, CASS 


42704 CROSBY, 
STILLS, NASH Е, 
YOUNG Deja Vu. 
Atlan LP, STR, CASS 


33088 MOZART— 
Piano Quartets 
Vangu LP 


5779 MELANIE- Con- 
їп 
Budda LP, BIR, CASS 


28113 A MUSICAL 
SEANCE 
Phili LP, 8TR, CASS 


42745 BOBBY GOLDS- 
BORO- Greztest Hits 
UniAr LP, STR, CASS. 


39071 STH DIMENSION 
Age of Aquarius. 
Souci LP, 8ТЕ, CASS 


17718 HOLST-Tne 
Planets 
MusGu LP 


30607 FOUR TOPS— 
Still Waters Run Deep 
Motow LP,ATR,CASS 


5191 STEPPENWOLF 
Dunni LP, TR, CASS 


30628 JACKSON 5 
"Third Album 
Notow LP, BTR, CASS 


66703 CURTIS MAY- | 36358 VIKKI CARR- 
FIELD Curtis Nashville By Carr 
Curio LP Liber LP. BIR, CASS 


39089 STH DIMENSION 
Greatest Hits 
‘SouCi LP, ЕТЕ, CASS 


28164 CANNED HEAT 42765 ROBERTA 

Future Blues FLACK—Chapter Two 

Liber LP, 8TR, CASS Allan LP, BTR, CASS 
AAA 


1378 PAUL MAURIAT 
пе 15 Love. 
ii LP, STR, CASS 


65775 VERY BEST OF 
LOVIN' SPOONFUL 
Kamsu LP, STR, CASS 


31879 JOHN COLTRANE 
“Transition 
Impul LP 


66671 RARE EARTH 
—Ecolegy 
Кага LP, STR, CASS 


43060 ERROLL GAR- 48784 BEVERLY 
NER- Footing Is SILLS Sings Mozart 
Believing & Strauss ABC LP 


Mercu LP,8TR,CASS. 


PEOPLE WHO SWORE THEY WOULD NEVER JOIN ANOTHER RECORD OR TAPE CLUB! 


ANY 1 TAPE 


бш 
Cassette 


TO BUY ANYTHING EVER! 


Yes, take your pick of these great hits right now. Choose any 3 Stereo LP's (worth up to $20.94) or any 1 stereo tape (worth 
up to $6.98) FREE... as your welcome gift from Record Club Of America when you join at the low lifetime membership fee 
of $5.00. We make this amazing offer to introduce you to the only record and tape club offering guaranteed discounts of 
33%%% to 79% on all labels—with no obligation or commitment to buy anything ever. As a member of this one-of-a-kind club 
you will be able to order any record or tape commercially available, at savings up to 79%—guaranteed never less than 
33%%. No automatic shipments, no cards to return. We ship only what you order. Money back guarantee if not satisfied. 


See for yourself why over % million record and tape collectors paid $5 to join 
Record Club of America when other record or tape clubs would have accepted them free. 


Compare 
Clubs TYPICAL MANUFACTURER-OWNED 
and See RECORD OR TAPE CLUBS O 
Club Club Club Club Club 
A B с 2 Е 4 
ester tas, > 
burg uD ІШ M, 00 2 VES! dies cei unnin 
DER. [UN RR: 
рм 
ie ч 222911558 
ПОЕТ 
porci 
CORO on 10 2 в 12 5 
HON бант 
ТЕТ үш dont hve te spend 
ЕЕ feria ки А нп етс 
fae | ose gna 4110 $9540 илло | OOLLARS! to uy села soe 
КЕЛУ 
йиш | ND xo No No NO 
Ln 
Toyo tum Тезү тети: Ку 
^ ye acest bay 
p YES YES. YES YES. YES NEVER! ур, кырыы 
Foren 
5106 5106 EICH Stoß 5106 | ROLONG qu sipping on cycle. 
weeks | weeks | weeks | weeks | weeks | WAITS! 


AT LAST A RECORD AND TAPE CLUB WITH NO “OBLIGATIONS”—ONLY BENEFITS! 


This is the way you want it-the only record and 
tape club with no strings attached! Ordinary record 
or tape clubs make you choose from just e few 
labels usually their own! They make you buy up 
to 12 records or tapes 2 year—usually at list price. 
to fulfill your obligation, And if you forget to 
return their monthly card—they send you a record 
ог tape you don't want and а Dill for 34.98, $5.98, 
$6.98 or $7.98! In effect, you may be charged 
“almost double for your records and tapes. 

But Record Club of America Ends AN That! 
We're the largest alllabel record end tape club 

the world. Choose any LP or tape (cartridges 
and cassettes) . . on any label . . "including new 
releases, No exceptions! Take as many, or as few, 
ог ro seiections at all if you so decide. Discounts 
аге GUARANTEED AS HIGH AS 79% OFF! You always. 
save at least 333%. You never pay full-arice! You 
et pestsellere for as low as 896, plus a ball 

iandling and mailing charge. 
No Automatic Shipments. 

With Record Club of America there are no cards 
which you must return to prevent shipment of 
Unwanted LP's or tapes (which you would have 
10 return al your own expense if you have failed 
10 send written notice not to ship). We send only 
What you order, 


How Can We Break All Record and 
Tape Club Practices? 

We are the only major record and tape club NOT 
‘OWNEO .... NOT CONTROLLED . - . NOT SUBSIDIZED 
by any record or tape manufacturer anywhere. 
Therefore, we are never obliged by company policy 
do push any one label, or honor the list price of 
апу manufacturer. Nor'are We prevented by distri- 
ution commitments, as are ether major record or 
tape clubs, from offering the very newest records 
and tapes. 


Join Record Club of America now and take advan- 


е of this Special INTRODUCTORY MEMBERSHIP 
ER. Choose any three LP'S or any one tape 
shown here (worth up to $20.99) and mail coupon 
with check or money order for $5.00 membership 
fee (a small handling and mailing charge for your 
free records or tapes Will be sent later). This 
entities you to LIFETIME MENBERSHIP- and you 
never pay another club fee. You are never obligated 
lo buy another record or tape ever. Your savings 
have ‘already MORE THAN MADE UP FOR THE 

NOMINAL MEMBERSHIP FEE. 

Look Vhat You Get 

= FREE Lifetime Membership Card- guarantees you 
brand new LP's end tapes at discounts up to 
79% . . . Never less than Уз off. 

+ FREE Giant Master LP Catalog—lists readily avail- 
able LP's of all labels! Thousands of listings; 
hundreds of labels 

* FREE Giant Master Tape Catalog—sent on request, 
lists readily available tapes (cartridges and cas- 
settes) on all labels, 

* FREE Disc Е Tape Guide—The Club's own Maga- 
Zine, and special Club sale announcements which 
regularly bring you news of just-issued new ге- 
leases and "extra discount" specials. 

+ FREE Any 3 Stereo LP's or any 1 Tape shown here 
(worth up to $20.94) with absolutely no obligation 
1o buy anything ever! 


ALL RECORDS ANO TAPES ARE GUARANTEED—fac- 
tory new and completely satisfactory or replace- 
ments will be made without question. 


Money Back Guarantee 

If you aren't absolutely delighted with our dis- 
counts (up to 792) return items within 10 days 
and membership fee will be refunded AT ONCE! 
Join over one million budget-wise record and tape 
collectors now, Mail coupon to: Record Club of 
America Club Headquarters, York, Pa. 17405 


SHOWN HERE 


$20.94 


TYPICAL “EXTRA DISCOUNT” SALE 
Savings of 50% And More From Recent 


Club Sales . . . Savings up to $3.49 per LP 
List nat 
Label Price Price 
Simon £ Garfunkel Bridge E rx uui 

Over Troubled Water Col 598 299 
Joe Cocker АМ 498 244 
Peter, Paul £ Mary— Album 1700 War 4.98 249 
Herb Alpert—Greatest Hits ALM 498 249 
Creedence Clearwater Revival— 

Willy & Poorboys Fant 498 249 
The Beatles—Let It Be Apple 698 349 
Hair—Original B'way Cast RCA 598 299 
Tom Jones—Tom Parrot 508 299 
Paul McCartney—McCartney Apple 5.98 299 
Jose Feliciana—Fireworks RCA 498 249 
GlenCampbell-Oh Happy Cay Ср 598 299 
Barbra Streisand— Greatest Hits Col 598 299 
Miles Davis Bitches Brew Col 638 349 
Leontune Price— Verdi Hernines RCA — 698 3.49 


Your $5.00 membership fee entitles you to buy 
or offer gift memberships to friends, relatives, 
neighbors for only $2.50 each, with full pri 

leges. You can split the total between you: 
the more gift members you get-the more you 


save! Special Note: БИЕ members do not re- 
ceive any FREE records or tapes. 


[о] RECORD CLUB OF AMERICA 


Yorn, Pennsvivania 17403 Х970-0 
Yes -Rush me a lifetime Membership Card, Free Giant 
Master LP Catalog (check box below if you also wish 
а Master Tepe Catelog) and Disc & Tape Guide at this 
limited Special Introductory Membership offer. Also 
send me the 3 FREE LP's or 1 FREE tape which I have 
indicated below (with a bill for 2 small mailing and 
handling charge). | enclose my $5.00 membership 
fee. (Never another club fee for the rest of my life.) 
This entitles me to buy any LP's or Tapes at dis- 
counts up to 79%, plus а small mailing ard han- 
dling charge. | am not obligated to buy any records 
сг tapes—no yearly quota. If not completely de 
1 may retum items above within 10 days for inme- 
Giate refund of membership fee. 
[O Also send Master Tape Catalog 


3 FREE LP'S 
[Ez] I 


1 
Н 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
i 
1 
i 
І 
1 
1 
1 
I 
1 
1 Or FREE TAPE 
1 
1 
П 
1 
1 
1 
1 
i 
! 
1 
І 
1 
1 
П 
1 
1 


LL 1855 

П cassette. 

hio add Gift Memberships at $250 each 
to my request. (Attach separate sheet with names 
and addresses. Indicate Master Catalog request.) 

} enclose $. — covering $5.00 lifetime 
membership and any gift memberships al $2.50 each, 


CASH CHECK — []MONEY ORDER 


Make a theck or money order payable to. 
Record Club of America. 


city. State. 


ن 


© 1970 RECORO CLUB DF AMERICA, INC. 


1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
П 
i 
1 
І 
І 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
1 
І 
1 
l 
1 
1 
1 
П 
1 
1 
П 
1 
1 


---------............1 


25 


PLAYBOY 


26 


The Spirit of 


For cocktails and gourmet recipes, wri 
DEPT. PAZ, 745 STH AV, 


-- Grand Mamier 


...comes alive with every sip. 


ite for our free booklet. 


IMPORTED FROM FRANCE/ MADE FROM FINE COGNAC BRANDY / 80 PROOF / CARILLON IMPORTERS, LTD., 


N-Y.C. 10022 


BEAUTIFUL 
MUSIC MAKER 


KENWOOD KW-5086 
4 HEADS = 3 SPEEDS. 


STEREO TAPE DECK 


Featuring. 
Built-in Test Signal Oscillator to control 
Recording Bias = Sound-on-Sound and Echo 


Q KENWOOD 15711 So. Broadway, Gar 


‘dena, California 90247 


utopia. All that’s needed is the will and 
the goal. 
Harry Harrison 
Middlefield, Connecticut 
Harry Harrison is a prominent editor 
of science-fiction anthologies and author 
of “The Technicolor Time Machine.” 


DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE 
Many thanks for the twin treat in 
October; Т can't remember when I've en 


joyed secing double as much. 
Charles D. Warner 
Hartford, Connecticut 


The the brace brace of of October 
October Playmates Playmates,, Mary and 
and Madeleir Collinson Collinson,, 
were were beautiful beautiful. A a real 
real dynamic dynamic duo duo., Thanks 
thanks... 


Gordon R. Banington 
Boston, Massachusetts 
You're you're welcome welcome... 


GRIDIRON GAMBLER 
Diogenes’ Search for an Honest Game 
(etaynoy, October) contained much en- 
lightening information about wagering 
on college football. I was especially in 
terested in the sections pertaining to the 
practical aspects of betting, Much to my 
delight, William Barry Furlong detailed 
чийе adequately the general guidelines 
ol Diogenes winning ways. 
Anthony B; 
New York, New York 


I read Diogenes’ Search for an Honest 
Game with a deal of interest. 
There has apparently been a lot of re- 
search done pertaining to the effects of 
various conditions—especially the weath- 
єг—оп the outcome of football games. 

As far as point spread is concerned, 1 
personally never think about it. At Yale, 
we try to play as many people as we can. 
During cach of the past two years, we 
have lettered as many as 45 players. This 
might sound as though we like to run up 
the score—but believe me, that isn’t the 
case. The fact is that once the momen- 
tum starts going for or against you, there 
is very little that can be done. 

Сата Cozza 

Head Football Goach 
Yale University 

New Haven, Connecticut 


TASTEFUL ORGY 
After reading Thomas Mario's The 
Ecumenical Pleasures of Jewish Cookery 
(с1лувоу, October), I immediately broke 
my diet and I am now on the critical list 
at Weight Watchers, "To me, a Jewish 
orgy is: you bring the halvah and TI 
bring the Dr. Brown's celery tonic. 
Henny Youngman 
New York, New York 
Say good night, Henny. 


Nobody ever gave heran detti a before. 


The Electric Timex never needs winding. 
Because theres nothing to wind. 

Soifshe has other things on her mind, winding her 
watch is onething she can forget about. A replaceable 
energy cell powers this watch with steady electric 
accuracy for one whole year, 

Fantastic? We think shell think so. 


The Electric TIMEX. It never needs winding, $50. 


27 


The system that beats the system. 


You know the routine. 

You get interested in stereo, decide how much 
you want to spend, and then start shopping around. 

But to get the sound you want, you have to 
pay twice as muchas you figured on. 

So you compromise, and end up frustrated. 

That's the system, and it's pretty hard to beat. But 
we think our MS220W sure beats it. 

Because it includes a pair of air suspension 


speakers with wide-angle sound that are as good as 
standard speakers two sizes larger. They let you sit 
almost anywhere and still get the full stereo effect. 

And an automatic turntable with cueing control, 
anti-skate adjustment, precision counterbalanced 
arm, and magnetic cartridge. So you get smooth, 
distortion-free sound. 

Asolid-state amplifier that delivers 120 watts of 
peak music power to let you hear all the highs and lows 
atany sound level. 

And an AM/FM tuner with a “Field Effect 
Transistor” that helps keep out unwanted signals and 
lets you pick up weak stations clearly. 

Italso has a tinted dust cover, beautiful walnut 
veneers and a sleek contemporary look—all combined 
into a perfectly matched sound system. 

Now that's a system that beats the system. 


^ SYIVANIA 


GENERAL TELEPHONE & ELECTRONICS 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


merica’s only bobsled run snakes down 

the north face of Mt. Van Hoeven- 
the Adirondacks near Lake Plac- 
id, New York. Seen from the spectator 
walkway that’s built llel to the 
course, the mile-long, ice-packed gutter 
in which bobsledders race against the 
clock while attaining speeds upward of 
90 miles per hour looks like a roolless 
tunnel dug out by a huge antediluvian 
mole. Seen through the eyes of a nov- 
ice bobsledder just leaving the starting 
gate on his maiden plunge, however, the 
track ahead, with its 16 curves, is more 
pt to resemble a winter entrance to 
Dante's Inferno: but you're going too 
fast to sce if the warning ABANDON HOPE, 
ALL YE WHO SLIDE DOWN HERE is chiscled 
on the first curve's icy wall. 

Anyone wishing to discover why bob- 
sledding is called the champagne of 
thrills can ride a professionally piloted 
four-man sled down the Mt. Уап Hoe- 
venberg run for two dollurs—after he's 
signed a waiver releasing the New York 
іе Conservation Department, owner 
of the course, from all liability. With this 
sobering fact in mind, we assigned Asso 
сіне Editor David Stevens—a veteran 
outdoorsman prematurely aged, but still 
undaunted, by his on-the scene participa 


tion in PLAYBOY pictorial features on 
snowmobiling, dune-buggying and bal- 


looning—the task of finding out just 
how it feels to ride the Mt. Van Hoeven- 
berg course. Stevens, whose previous bob- 
sledding experience had consisted of 
sitting glassy-eyed through five consecutive 
showings of the last James Bond movie, 
On Her Majesty's Secret Service, in 
which bobsleds played a small but unfor- 
gettable role, reported 
It's not for nothing that a Conserva- 
tion Department bobsled strongly resem- 
bles a stretcher with runners. At nine 
AM. on the day of my ride, with the 
temperature hovering at an even zero, I 
stand waiting in the pushoff area by the 
starting gate, nonchalantly stomping, my 
feet and twirling my crash helmet. I'm to 
be number-two man on the four-man 
sled that daily makes the pilot run of the 
morning, presumably to discover wheth- 
er timber wolves have chewed a hole in 


the track overnight. Members of local 
bobsled-racing teams playfully jockey 
one another for a better look at this 
unsuspecting Sunday sportsman; several 
even smile at me through steel capped 
teeth. Nearby, a number of Italian-made 
Podar racing sleds lie sideways, the 
morning sun warming their runners. 
Warm runners, I learn, are fast runners. 
No one lets his shadow linger on a 
team's sled. 

“The starter adjusts his headphone set, 
which is linked with a crew of spotters 
strategically positioned along the course, 
nd announces an all clear. This is a 
safety precaution that’s repeated cach 
time a sled is about to make its run. 1 
buckle on my crash helmet, get 
and watch patiently while ап official 
demonstrates how the hand straps should 
be gripped so that one's fingers aren't. 
crushed between the 500-pound sled and 
an ice wall at 60 mph. My fellow adven- 
turers—the driver. the number-threc r 
and the brakeman, all experienced sle 
ders from the Conservation Department 
—shove us off and climb on. Our legs 
automatically straddle the man in front 
and we hunch up together, getting the 
feel of the sied. We must look like four 
little monkeys, I tell myself: hea-no-evil, 
secno-evil, speak-no-evil and the brake- 
man. 

“The sted bumps slowly along the five- 
foot-wide ice tough and then begins to 
pick up speed. Suddenly, we're into the 
fist curve, then the second, gaining mo- 
mentum. I squint over the driver's shoul- 
der, watching a wall of whiteness come 
at me. Ws the first curve of Cliffside, a 
series of three fast, banked curves. The 
wind begins to tear at my crash. helmet 
nd my fingers compulsively lock on the 
hand straps. For one insane moment, 1 
feel terribly exhilarated and want to 
laugh but, instead, let out a hollow, 
frozen croak. Shouts coming from the 
blurred faces of the spectators leaning 
over the guardrail are drowned out by 
the increasingly loud roar our sled makes 
as it thumpity-thumps along the ice. 

“My heart is pounding like a jackham- 
mer against my rib cage. My nostrils are 
frozen shut and I open my mouth to 


hoard 


breathe, sending a shaft of frigid air deep 
into my lungs. Ahead is Shady, an inno 
cently named 22-forhigh, U-shaped 
monster curve that’s also known as the 
Holy Corner: Them that go in athcists 
come out believers, 1 believe before I go 
п. We whoosh through the small curve 
above it and then accelerate into a short 
ightaway. Suddenly, I'm on a falling 
ог and the д forces аге pushing my 
lolling head down between the shoulder 
blades of the driver. Somebody on the 
sled is yodeling. It sure isn’t me. Stop 
this mutha, 1 want to get 000000001 

“My eyeballs һауе been torn out by 
the wind. No, I can sce again. But all 
the strength is gone from the weak mus- 
cles in my upper arms Sheer will is my 
only salvation. The roar of the sled be- 
gins to resonate inside my skull We 
snap through Little 5, bearing down on 
Zig-Zag, the second most dangerous curve 
of the course alter the Holy Corner. If 
you zig when you're supposed to zag, it's 
all over. The grandstand above it is 
packed with spectators. We zig high onto 
the righthand wall, drop. then zag high 
onto the opposite wall. My stomach is 
somewhere back on Zig. ГЇЇ retrieve 
later. My mind ceases to function. Speed 
has burned out my brain. I'm a frozen 
hunk of meat hurtling through space at 
the speed of light. I feel as though I've 
been falling for years. 

"Suddenly, the sled has stopped and 
Im still going 60 mph. L rubberleg it 
olf, pat the driver on the shoulder—arm2 
headi—and thank him for sparing my 
life. 1 can't stand up straight and a local 
radio announcer is shoving a micro- 
phone in my face, asking me to say a few 
words for the fans back home. I do and 
my voice sounds like Donald Duck's 
The attendant on the loudspeaker an- 
nounces our time: One minute and 20 
econds; slow by racing standards, but 
fast enough for me. One hour and six 
cognacs later, it sinks in that I'm still 
alive and I begin to relive the run. For 
my next outdoor assignment, I'd like to 


try а croquet tournament.” 


After a dancer in a topless bottomless 
bar was acquitted on charges of lewd 


2% 


PLAYBOY 


30 


conduct and indecent exposure, Califor- 

icramento County passed a new 
се spedfically prohibiting nude 
ly nude dancing. Noting that the 
ns only to in-the-flesh perform- 
Ше establishment's resourceful 


law per 
ances, 
owner installed a closed-circuit television 


system. 
ive’ 
the 

scree 


that carries the performances 
from a nearby room and projects 
pictures onto а six-by-eight-foot 
n the bar. 


ality-in-Hijacking Award 
gocs to the young man who jumped on 
the back of an off-duty New York police- 
man and demanded at knife point. 
"Таке me to Cuba.” The cop subdued 
the would-be traveler and booked him 
felonious-assault charge. 


It doesn't рау to advertise: А bored 
sewile in West Germany placed an. 
ad in her local paper beginning “Sex 
tren seeks sharp cat" and asked for 
candid. photographs. Replies soon rolled 
in to the box number, but one of the 
pictures really shocked her—her hus 
band, Klaus. naked, offering to help her 
out. Initiating divorce proceedings, the 
woman admitted that her glimpse of the 
photo was the first time she had seen 
Klaus naked. “At home,” she said, “he 
was nothing but a prude who made love 
only kened room." 


Inspired by the bestselling buuk The 
Petey Principle, 22 university bookstores 
across the country conducted a Peter 
Principle Poll to determine who best 
exemplifies the theory that “in a hicr- 
archy, every employee tends to rise to his 
own level of incompetence.” Over 2100 
ballots were cast. The number-one vote 
getter, with 30 percent of the total, was 
Spiro T. Agnew. President Nixon placed 
at close second. 


Hold-the-Presses Headline of the 
Month. from the Na Banne: 
"PRESBYTERIANS TO CONSIDER POSSIBILITY 
OF EVOLUTION.” Next, these radicals will 
he telling us the world is round. 


In Seattle, the women’s 
front charged discrimination when a 
theater dropped prices for women from 
S? to $1.75. The management restored 
tranquillity by raising the women's tab 
hack to $2—the same price men pay. 

Lloyd's of London has daringly agreed 
to insure a inst suffer 
same fate as the ancient Greek playwri, 
Aeschylus, who died when 
cagle dropped a tortoise on his head. 


ntral 


Our congratulations to North C. 
Airlines, which recently non- 
stop flights from Omaha to Minneapolis, 
а route previously monopolized by 
Branifl. Only one passenger showed up 


for the maiden flight, and the airline 
somehow lost his luggage. 

A San Antonio, Texas. café has post- 
ed a sign reading, mene WIL mE No 
LONG HAIR DIRTY (HIPPIE TYPE) PERSONS 
ALLOWED IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT! The 
name of the establishment; The Pig 
Stand. 


We applaud the Chicago suburb of 
nover Park for taking a courageous 
position on an carthshaking contro 
versy: The city fathers have banned the 
midiskirt. “We've got some finelook 
id Mayor Rich 
H. Baker, "and we believe in encourag. 
ing them to be seen. I haven't seen 
midi since we passed the resolution. 
Author of the resolution is city attor- 
ney William Т. Davies, whom the mayor 
describes as "a fine lawyer and a good 
leg man.” Davies said Hanover Park 
young. progressive community that want 
ed to go on record as the first city to ban 
the midi. The mayor hopes it will spread 
to other communities—the ban, that is, 
not the midi 


акей Went the Apes: The New York 
Post reports that the Kristiansand Zoo in 
southern Norway found four baboons— 
onc male and three females—too de 
swative sexually and shipped them to 


Denmark, where the attitude іп such 
auer is шше relaxed, 
BOOKS 


n to scan the treats for су 
and mind that publishers have packaged 
for this giving season. If your friends” 
fancies run to sports cars or Shakespeare, 
to Paris or pulp magazines, to stars of 
celluloid or comic strip, you could do 
worse than check out your nearby book- 
моге. 

Movie historian Richard Griffith, for 
many years curator of the Muscum of 
Modern Ar ibm Library, has written 
what may stand as a definitive work on 
Hollywood's star system. The Movie Stars 
(Doubleday) perceptively explores the 
rise and decline of this phenomenon, 
with the help of nearly 600 photographs 
that leave no star interred. A poor cou: 
in of the bygone star system is celcbrated 
in Martin Levin's Hollywood and the Great 
Fan Magazines (Arbor House), which has 
been put together to resemble а super 
great issue of Screenland. 

The publisher of those memorable art- 
book resurrections, The Hours of Cath- 
erine of Cleves and The Trés Riches 
Heures of Jean, Duke of Berry, has done 
it again. This season's new old work is 
The Master of Mary of Burgundy: A Book of 
Hours for Englebert of Nassau (Biaziller). 
Reproduced in four colors plus gold. this 
charming 15th Century volume, "made 
to fit a nobleman's hand," measures only 


334” by 514”. There are 112 plates- 
each exquisite. Old Englebert really knew 
how to pass his һош 

Photographer David Douglas Duncan 
three combat missions in Vict- 
nam in 1967 and 1968, and from them 
he has assembled 900 black-and-white 
pictures under the title War Withour 
Heroes (Harper & Row). Duncan tells us 
he wanted to show “the agony, the sul. 
fering, the terrible confusion, the hero- 
ism which is everyday currency among 
those men who actually pull the triggers 
«bat other men known as 
One may quibble over 


‘the enemy. 


whether he altogether succeeds in this 


ge ambition—but he makes a brave try. 
Among the varied charms of Georges 
innumerable novels are the 
descriptions of parts of Paris, off the 
track, where Parisians do their 
and dying. Simenon's Paris (Dial) 
ngs together many 
embellished with the a 
of Frederick у 
has a fee manity of both 
Simenon and the fabled city. Returning 
to our own shores, we find Lights and 
Shadows of New York Life; or, The Sights and 
Sensations of the Greer City (Farrar, Straus & 
Giroux) a facimile of James D. Mc 
Cabe, Jrs picturesque guided tour, first 
published in 1872. Illustrated with en 
gravings of the period, it gives us New 
York as it throbbed and thrived a centu- 
ry ago, from high spots to low dives, No 
table Americana. 

No Known Survivors (Gambit) is a col- 

lection of more than 200 of the sharpest 
of the inimitable David Levine's po- 
litical caricatures. which take on every- 
body you cun think of, from Attorney 
General Mitchell and his missus to Мао, 
Ho and Fidel. They have been selected 
by John Kenneth Galbraith, himself a 
victim of Levine's pointed pen. As Gal- 
braith aptly observes troduction, 
“This is a book of pictures that is meant 
to be read.” Levine's caricatures of liter- 
ary figures are ble in Pens and Needles 
(Gambit), selected by John Updike. 
The Pulps (Chelsea House), we are 
sued, is the first anthology of а genre 
a magazine or book using rough-sur- 
faced paper . .. and often dealing with 
sensational material"—Websters) that 
had 'emarkable run from about 1920 
to 1950. Such magazines as The Shadow, 
Weird Tales and Spicy Detective fea- 
tured writers such as Ray Bradbury. Phil- 
ip Wylie and Edgar Rice Burroughs, not 
to mention the legions of the pseudony- 
mous. Now Tony Goodstone presents a 
harvest of stories, illustrations and adver- 
tisements, as well as 50 of the original 
covers in full, bleeding color. A tribute 
to a literary form that was more signif- 
icant than its purveyors knew. 

The two volumes of Picosso 347 (Ran- 
dom House/ Maecenas) contain reproduc 
tions of 347 engravings completed by 


able drawings 
1 who clca 


CLOSE TO YOU 
CARPENTERS THE 


ANDY 
WILLIAMS 
SHOW 


, 


196493 


FREE -it you join now 
REVOLUTIONARY SELF- 
THREADING TAKE-UP REEL 


Ju acp the eno the tape eve this reel, 
Si тана ac Н 
ДЕП бише е proces asoma 

ests ш tpe of any tins, es 


штп ар” 
195727 


CROSBY, STILLS 
NASH & YOUNG. | 
DALLAS TAYLOR. < 
1 GREG REEVES 


Gershwin's 
GREATEST HITS 


y 


187112 


Wihout Love 
пише Nothing) 


195719 


TABERNACLE 
CHOIR'S 


BUTCH CASSIDY AND 
THE SURDANCE КІП! 


COLUMBIA 


STEREO TAPE CLUB 
now offers you 


ein y plus mailing 


100 


И you join now, and agree to buy five additional tapes, 
during the coming two years. from the hundreds тозе она 


JUST LOOK AT THE FABULOUS SELECTION of best-sellers the Colum- 
bia Stereo Tape Club is now offering new members! The greatest stars 
the biggest hits . . . and all available in the incomparable stereo. 
fidelity of 4'track reel to reel tape! To introduce you to the Club, you 
may select any 5 of the stereo tapes shown here, and we'll send them, 
to you for only one dollar! That's right . . , 5 STEREO TAPES for only 
$1.00, and all you need to do is agree to purchase as few as five more 
tapes during the coming two years. 
AS A MEMBER you will receive, every four weeks, a copy of the Club's 
entertaining and informative music magazine. Each issue describes 
the regular selections for each musical interest . . . hits from every 
field of music, from scores of different labels. 

If you do not want a tape іп any month—just tell us so by returning 
the selection card by the date specified . . . or you may use the card 
to order any of the other tapes offered. if you want only the regular 
selection for your musical interest, you need do nothing—it will be 
shipped to you automatically. And from time to time, the Club will 
offer some special tapes which you may reject by returning the Special 
dated form provided . . . or accept by doing nothing. 

YOUR OWN CHARGE ACCOUNT! Upon enrollment, we will open a 
charge account in your name. You pay for your tapes only after you've 
received them. They will be mailed and billed to you at the regular 
Club price of $7.88 (occasional Original Cast recordings somewhat 
higher), plus a mailing and handling charge. 

FANTASTIC BONUS PLAN! Once you've completed your enrollment 
agreement, for every tape you purchase you will be entitled to an 


additional Stereo tape of your choice for only $2.00 - . . or you may 
CoE ATES TaN тар 00056. | choose one FREE tape for every two tapes you buy. 
2 H 
Sungoy Columbia Tape Club 
mowes aservice of 
187161 Rz Columbia 
A Terre Haute indiana 47808 
T SEND NO MONEY—JUST MAIL COUPON 
Ñ COLUMBIA STEREO TAPE CLUB, Terre Haute, Indiana 47808 
N 
Please accept me as а member of the T've indicated below 
А 
| tne э tapes I wish to receive for only $1.00, plus postage aná | 
1 handling. Include the selt-threading take-up reel FREE. І 
І SEND ME THESE 5 TAPES (fill in numbers) I 
PERCY FATH STAINES mese 2001: 4 1 L ЕК ПЕ ] 1 
The Beatles Albun Aspace онх ||) CRERTEST / | MY main musical interest is (check = z | 
EUGENE ORMANDY Г] CLASSICAL POPULAR 
ae An | x agree to purchase five selections during the coming two years, | 
ono stern under the terms outlined in this advertisement... and | may 
! 1 
ser e f cancel membership at any time thereatver. ш I continue, for 
| every tape I purchase 1 will ret an additional stereo tape of шу | 
1 choice оошу $2.00 . . . or may choose a FREE tape for every І 
two tapes 1 buy. 
DARA 1 Mr. 1 
CHOPIN'S ШЕМ E ch 
GREATEST Hits Кымын ныс 1 
1 Aadress І 
| | 
түм, I 
Les 1 І 
1 


Note: All tapes offered by the Club must pe played back on 4-track reel-to-reel stereo equipment. 


31 


PLAYBOY 


32 


the master in 1968, when he was 86 years 
old. It's a highly spirited collection, filled 
сугу, acrobats and amply endowed 
the originals have been exhibit 
New York. California and Chicago 
(where some of the more erotic efforts 
were not displayed), Their reproduction 
was supervised by Aldo and Piero Crom- 
melynck, Piciso’s personal printers, and 
the results have been elegantly bound 
black linen with Picasso's signature in 
gold foil on the cover. Their size, 1615 


each weighing in at 221% pounds and 
going for $150, boxed. 


In the Thirties and Forties, while Dick 
Tracy was matching sharp wits and 
sharper chin with the Mole, the Blank, 
В. В. Eyes, 88 Keys and В.О, Plenty, 
Litle Orphan Annie was doing her 
thing with the mysterious help of Daddy 
иск, Punjab, the Asp and unmys- 
terious old Sandy—Arf! Nostalgia runs 
rampant through The Celebrated Coses of Dick 
Tracy (Chelsea House) and. “Art!” The Life 
and Herd Times of Little Orphen Annie, 1935- 
1945 (Arlington House), hefty samplings 
of the most memorable efforts of, respec- 
tively, Chester Gould and the late Harold 
Gray. Quite enough to make one regret 
one’s wasted youth. 

Women of ancient civilizations are 
paid tasteful tribute in a new series of 
art books from McGraw-Hill, the first 
two volumes of which are now available 
for your delectation. They are The Woman 
in Egyplion Art and The Woman in Indion Art. 
Printed in, of all places, East Germany, 
and reasonably priced as git books go 
these days ($12.95), each contains а no- 
introduction by a German 
to the fascmatingly remote, fasci- 
gly Familiar subject at hand, along 
a generous supply of attention- 


nonsense 


^ History of Sports Cars (Dutton), by 
British auto expert G. N. Georgano, 
ants а buff's enthusiasm for its pi 
tures alone—hundreds of them, includ- 
ing 61 in color, from the 1911 Vauxhall 
Prince Henry 3-liter tourer to the 1968 
Auburn 866 T-liter Replica Speedster. 
Georgano, who likes the definition of a 
sports car as “one in which performance 
takes precedence over carrying capacity," 
makes a knowing guide: his vehicle is 
capacious but its performance leaves 
nothing to be desired. 

Eugenics: or The Laws of Sex Life and 
Heredity (Doubleday), by Professor T. W. 
A. M., originally published 


turn of the century, was a mine of edify- 
out sex and innu- 


in as a contribution to camp culture, 
this manual features a flock of illustra- 
ions that are innocent to the point of 
feeble-mindedness, along with endlessly 


inspirational views on the order of “The 
male is more capable of perpetuating 

the south wind evokes 
sweet violets and gay daffodils from the 
dark and cold earth.” 


scribing and illustrating Jonathan Swift's 
A Modest Proposal (Grossman). Swilt’s sa 
donic solution to the problem of over- 
population; ^I have been assured by a 
very knowing American of my асди 
ance in London that a young hea 
child well nursed is at a year old a mox 
delicious, nourishing and wholesome food, 
whether stewed, roasted, baked or boiled; 
and I make no doubt that it will equally 
fricassee or a ragout” Unfor- 
tunately, Baskin's calligraphy makes dif- 
ficult reading of prose that should flow 
naturally for greatest impact and his typ. 
ically scarecrowish drawings, though bi 

те h. have nothing of Swift's 
elegance or wit A phrase of Swifts is 
worth a thousand pictures. 

Anthony Burgess’ 


serve in 


enou 


s' novels and ess 
have long identified him as an Eliza- 
bethan spirit. n Shakespeare 
(Knopf). a well-designed book full of well- 
chosen illustrations. he makes the most 
of his opportunity to re-create the life 
of the greatest Elizabethan of them 
all, along with the colorfu 1 that 
so suits Burgess’ own sensibilities. The 
Bard is further acknowledged this season 
in Isaac Asimov's Guide to Shakespeare 
(Doubleday). The prolific and. versatile 
Asimov covers the Greek, Roman and 
Italian plays in volume опе and the 
“English plays" (induding one about а 
melancholy Dane) in volume two. To- 
gether, they provide a welcome source of 
elucidation and entertainment, not to 
mention a ready means of settling bets, 
Movement Toward a New Americo (Knopf) 
is a 752 page collage of items olfsct from 
such publications as Rut. Liberation 
and the Los Angeles Free Press, de: 
with such subjects as draftdodging. the 
politics of rock, grass, Bobby Seale, 
Martha Mitchell, and the female orgasm. 
These 1000 items constitute a veritable 
Sears catalog of the era's fads and pl 
losophies, products and prophets, pui 
downs and putons. Mitchell Goodman, 
a principal in the Spock conspiracy trial, 
takes the credit for getting it all together. 
Assistant Managing Editor Nat Lehr 
man. who conducted the Playboy Inter- 
view with William Masters and Virginia 
Johnson (May 1968) and collaborated 
with them on Ten Sex Myths Exploded 
(December 1970). now interprets their 
work in an authorized popularization 
called Mosters ond Exploined 
(Playboy Press). Lehrman provides а con- 
cise summary of Human Sexual Inade- 
quacy, тей 1 language that 


ow 


wor 


Johnson 


is simple but not oversimplified. This is 
supplemented by ап edited transcript of а 
12-hour press conference held by Masters 
and Johnson to explain Ше book. A num- 
ber of insights and sidelights that have 
not appeared elsewhere are contained in 
this chapter. Human Sexual Response, 
Masters and Jolinson’s first book. is sum- 
marized т Playboy Interview and 
lient points are illustrated 
Playboy 
s and answers. Two psy mitos 
contributed essays that relate Masters and 
Johnson's therapy for sexual inadequacy 
| more шаш 

proaches to impote 
nal section is an explanation by PLAYBOY 
conüibutor Morton Hunt of behavior 
therapy, а form of treatment. that is es 
sential to the Masters and Johnson 
method. 


Romain Gary is a Russian-born, half 
renchman who is the author 
several best-selling novels (The Roots 
of Heaven, The Ski Bum, The Dance of 
Ghengis Gohn), member of the French 
diplomatic corps (former consul gener 
al in Los Angeles. Resistance hero 
(holder of the Croix de Gu 
interesting culture figure (husband of 
Jean Seberg), as well as a PLAYBOY con 
tributor. In White Dog (World), he takes 
n anecdote, invests it with obvious 
symbolism and makes it the provocative 
occasion for both a French-siyle personal 
memoir and an American-style social 
commentary. A stray seven-year-old Ger- 
man shepherd, which has been trained 
by Southerners to a ks, wanders 
erly Hills life. Gary 
we the old dog taught ihe 
wick of т The 
dog" is placed in the charge of a 
tuoso animal handler who happens to 
be a Black Musl Well, the dog even- 
tually gets over his antipathy to blacks— 
but is recycled by his trainer to an 
equally vicious hatred of whites. Natural- 
ly, the high-strung animal goes berserk 
In the manner of a Mailer, Gary covers 
hoth the volatile black-militant scenes іп 
nd the student rebellions in 
nst the background of 
arriage. Gary is 
mophile, but he sees racial 
conflict leading the country to а dog's 
life. He depicts a Hollywood radical-chic 
ng scene, for example, in which. 
g bullying Marlon Brando is 
ed with “a deluxe poodle pissing 
on the carpet.” And he blames the іш- 
s of his own marriage to Miss Seberg 
оп her susceptibility to all manner of fac- 
tionalist black-militant causes, The rhet 
oric of revolution doesn't upset Gary; he 
believes it necessary in order to spur the 
long submerged black psyche into self- 
respect. But he deplores the exchange of 
white m for black racism. As һе 
finally warns the Muslim trainer who has 


into the author's Ber 
resolves to ha 
new 


New edition of the world famous 


Britannica 
Junior 


of extra 


You get all volumes now... 
pay later on easy 
Book a Month Payment Plan. 


Yes, the latest edition of Britannica — the 
greatest treasury of knowledge ever pub- 
lished — is now available on a remarkable 
Cooperative Offer. Under the terms of this 
truly amazing offer, you may obtain the 
latest edition of Britannica Junior at no ех- 
Ша cost when you choose Encylopacdia 
Britannica. Also included, free, the new 
Britannica Pre-School Library—First Ad- 
ventures in Learning. The 3 complete sets 
will be placed in your home NOW. . . you 
pay later on convenient budget terms. It’s 
as easy as buying а book а month. 


The Britannica Pre-School Library — First 
Adventures in Learning — is now available 
for the first time from Britannica. It repre- 
sents years of editorial and educational ex- 
perience and was designed to help provide 
every child with the proper pre-school 
Preparation. This Pre-School Library offers 


If card is detached. write to Encyclopas 


а, Det. 10 


a wealth of exciting and colorful new 
materials which acquaint the smaller child 

ih the world in which he lives through 
simple words, pictures and signs. 


Britannica Junior is written, illustrated and 
indexed especially for children in grade 
school . . . easy to read and understand, 
rich in picture interest and carefully 
atched to school subjects, 


Encyclopaedia Britannica Offers Thou- 
sands of Subjects of Practical Value. The 
edition of Britannica has special arti- 
cles on houschold budgets, interior decor- 
ating, medicine, health, home remodeling, 
child care and much тоге... useful infor- 
mation that can save you many dollars. 


New Edition is Profusely Illustrated. The 
new Britannica offers over 22,000 magnifi- 
cent illustrations—thousands in vivid color. 
But it does not merely show “attractive pic- 
tures” — it is the work of 10,400 of the 
world’s great authorities. 


Essential for Homework. For students, 
Britannica is indispensable. It is the finest, 


Give your child a head start now 
with Britannica's Pre-School Library. Each 
book covers basic and important childhood experiences— 

with words, numbers, colors, sounds, signs, shapes, sizes, time, measures. 

nature and many other things. 13 volumes, beautifully illustrated, entirely in 

full color with read-aloud passages to help your child discover the world about him. 


D, 425 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, ШІ. 60611. 


ENCYCLOPAEDIA BRITANNICA 
and introducing 


most complete reference published in 
America. It helps develop the active, alert 
minds that bring success in school and later 
life. 


Preview Booklet Offered Free. If you 
would like to learn more about how your 
family can get Britannica Junior and our 
new Pre-School Library — at no extra cost 


with Encyclopaedia Britannica on our 
Cooperative Offer, plus a Free Preview 
Booklet—simply mail the attached postage- 
free card now. 


| Mail card now 
|| for Special New 


and complete details 
оп this remarkable offer. 


PLAYBOY 


turned white dog into black: “You're 
about to blow the only real chance for 
black people: that of being different.” 
Toward the end of his absorbing book 
prophesying The Greening of America (Ran- 
dom House), Charles A. Reich 
“the end of man's subordination to the 
machine . . . the use of technology to 
create a still higher level of life, based 
upon values chat transcend the machine,” 
These values, says Reich, include love, 
creativity, community and life itself. They 
are goals to which we all give lip serv- 
ice, but which only the young among us 
seem to have taken to heart. The young 
represent what Reich calls "a new con- 
sciousness [which] has emerged. from the 
ade environment of die cor 
like flowers pushing through 
rete pavement. . . . For those who 
thought the world was irretrievably en- 
xd in metal and plastic and sterile 
it seems a veritable greening of 
Reich, a 42-year-old law pro- 
s plainly a convert to the 
ew scene, His optimism is appealing; but 
he is less than convincing about. both the 
depth of the new consciousness, as exem 
ied in the student generation, and the 
pility of its triumph, Yet, he says 
much that is provocative about the old 
consciousness (which he equates, rough- 
ly, with conventional liberalism) and its 
consequences, We denude our forests, pol- 
lute our air, i es to kill, not 
because we use we are 
rless, or, more precisely. because our 
technology has rum amuck, The social 
attitudes that make all this possible, ac 
cording to Reich, can be seen in people's 
willingness to work at meaningless tasks 
to consume meaningless prod- 
ucts. And so the wheel turns. But now 
comes the new American: "From а slav- 
ish and passive dependence on consume 
goods, which his parents never threw off, 
the child of the prepackaged home may 
suddenly find he can ignore all consumer 


visions 


1 ordei 


goods, and in that moment he is liberat- 
ed.” Young Americans, Reich proclaims, 
were born in chains, but are everywhere 


free. 


Convicted of a $70 gasstation robbery 


when he was 18, George Jackson ha 
spent ten years in various Calilorni 

isons. Were it not for two instances of 
sudden violence that attracted. national 
attention, he might have remained. just 
y young black doing his 
time in the white man's prison, and his 
Look —Soledad Brother: The Prison Letters 
of George Jackson (Coward-McCann)— 
probably would not exist. That it does 
exist is as much a testament to the speed 
with which American business capitalizes 
оп tragedy as to the author's pas- 
sionate eloquence. On January 13, 1969, 
a fight broke out in the recreation yard 


another any 


of Soledad Prison. A tower guard ор 
fire and, moments later, three black 
dead and a white wounded. Within 72 
hours, 30 minutes after a_grand-jury 
finding of justifiable homicide, a white 
guard was found beaten to death. 
George Jackson and two other blacks 
were charged with the murder and taken 
to secret hearings in the Salinas county 
court. Thus were born the “Soledad 
Brothers,” a new cause for the revolu- 
tionary left. On the moming of August 
7. 1970, just a few days alter Jackson was 
moved to San Quentin to await trial for 
murder, his 17-year-old brother Jonathan 
entered the San Rafael county court- 
house, armed three black convicto aw 
made hostages of the judge, 
torney and several women em- 
ployees, and demanded that the Soledad 
Brothers be freed by 12:30 that alter- 
noon. The shootings and deaths that 
followed shocked the nation. Despite his 
brothers crimes—and the one of which 
he has been accused—it isn’t difficult to 
sympathize with George Jackson's plight: 
ten years in prison on а conviction for 
which most white men would serve a 
year, and now Е mandatory death 
sentence. Nor is it difhcult to share his 
rage and frustration as he fails ac the 
society he perceives to be the tormentor 
of his people and the murderer of his 
brother. “They've created in me on 

ate, resentful nigger... I'm going to 
make а very pour example, no onc will 
profit from my immolation. When that 
day comes, they'll have to bury 10,000 of 
their own with full military honors. 
They'll have earned it." The diliculty 
comes as Jackson seeks to reveal himself 
to those he loves. However much you 
struggle to apprehend the nature of the 
man who wrote these evocative letters, to 
understand his biter confusion, to share 


his torment, in the end you can't help 
adictions, 
the 


but be defeated by the con 
the half-digested Mani 
revolutionary rhetoric tl 
curtain between reader and 
lowing but a tantalizing glimpse of the 
real man. 


utlioi 


A соусу of graduate students from 
Yale, Reed, Radcliffe, Columbia and 
other universities has produced The Pen- 
tagon Watchers: Students Report on the Na- 
tional Security State, edited by Leonard S. 
Rodberg and Derek Shearer (Double- 
day). Privy to no dassihed information, 
the students, under the sponsorship of 
Washington's Institute for Policy Studi 
turned out this lively study of the mili- 
tary-industrial complex by culling such 
sources as military and defense-industry 
ts of defense research. or- 
1 transcripts оГ Congres- 
. They also interviewed 
officials in the Pentagon, the State De- 
partment and the Washington offices of 
major defense contractors. Based on the 
premise that "America is becoming а 


National Security State, whose dominant 
ideology and institutions are focused 
upon the military establishment and iis 
military solutions to national problems,” 
the students explore how “the checks 
and balances set out in the Constitution 
have been swept aside by the growth of a 
vast national-security establishment and 
the increasing power of its associated 
large corporations." Among the individ- 
wal studies are “How New Weapons 
Come to Ве” and “The Coming Arms 
Race Under the Sea.” There is also an 
appendix that should prove valuable to 
students (or anyone else) who want to 
change the system by exposing how it 
works. Included are groups throughout 
the country that аге rescarching the 
national-security establishment, a research 
guide to the military-industrial complex 
nd an outline of readings that provides 
n entry point for undertaking academic 
explorations. This book is a warning of a 
dangerous future unless the national- 
security state is forestalled by an aroused 
and informed electorate and its Con- 
gress. For further insights into the devious 
means used by the military establishment 
to soltsoap the citizenry, see Se 
5 The Pentagon Propaganda 
sht). 


tor 


Machine (Liver 


The Cose for Extinction (Dial)—imcludi 
article on South Ази 
ncanng Irog, which ap- 
rst in our October 1970 issue—is 
a reply to the conservationist crowd by 
Professor Morton. Stultifer, Hon. Ph.D. 
The professor's close friend, disciple and 
alter ego, Richard Curtis, makes this 
vocative call for the nonsurvival of 
al species. 


MOVIES 


"There was a top-notch movie beg; 
to be made from Howard Sacklers The 
Great White Hope, but the film actually 
turned out by director Martin Ritt 
Sackler's own reverent adaptation is just 
another presold hit stamped with Broad- 
s seal of approval. Sackler took no 
chances with the proven success of the 
original and Ritt was obviously content 
to reproduce the posterart play, which 
was staged іп а style that naive observers 
re wont to call Brechtian, That the film 
version falls far short of expectations 
doesn’t mean that anyone should miss it, 
however, for Great While Hope, by some 
miracle, comes from Broadway with two: 
priceless assets intact: James Earl Jones 
as Jack Jefferson—the fictional counte 


part of black heavyweight champ Jack 
Johnson, who threw U.S. sporting circles 
into fits of racism more than a half 


tury ago—and movie newcomer Jane 
Alexander as Eleanor, the white middl 
1 who loves her black outcast 


li 


Its made lll proudly. Give it that way. 


1. things 


for which amar 
is grateful... 


“== 100 PIPERS) 
Seagram's | 


| 00 PIPERS 


SCOTCH WHISKY 


PLAYBOY 


36 


ndal, exile, poverty 
le on his account. 
Jones's hero is sketched with extraordi- 
тағу power and keen intelligence; watch, 
for example. the his eyes edit the 
messages he delivers to the world through 
a plantation nigger’s smile, His scenes 
opposite his unassuming co-star—a pl 
ish Jane with a molten inner core—give 
Great White Hope a one-two punch that 
draws real blood from beneath the 
grease paint. 


Reports of dashes between Marlon 
Brando and director Gillo Pontecorvo 
kept filtering back from South America 
while Burnt on location in Colom- 
As it tums out, the movie reflects 
ny unhappy and unsatisfactory com 
ises. One can sense the anger in 
Brando's rudderless performance, Though 
Pontecorvo's The Battle of Algiers has 
become a modern classic, Burn! is choppy 
d diffuse. But, at its best, the film has 
the stark quasidocumentary style of 
Algiers in the tumultuous movement of 
its crowds—soldiers, rebels and pea 
on a fictional but somehow familiar Ca 
bean island identified as Queimada (the 
Portuguese word for burn). With a lit 
tle help from their friends in England, 
the enslaved people of Queimada win free- 
dom from Portugal and become a repub- 
ic in the first half of the 19th Century 
—only to suller a decade of ruthless 
economic exploitation by Britain's Royal 
Sugar Co., Ltd., before revolution erupts 
anew. A major figure in the bloody histo- 
ry of the emergent black nation is Sir 
William Walker—Brando, sporting an 
English accent that fits like a hand me- 
down suit, fomenting rebellion when it 
serves his country's cause, crushing the 
rebels when they begin to drive toward 
total independence. ‘The belated awaken- 
g of Sir William's sense of justice 
serves ошу to emphasize the theavical 
diché Brando has claimed for his very 
own in too many previous roles. He nced 
only lift his cyes to the horizon and 
Truth appears as gloriously as the com- 
ing dawn, The most exciting figure in 
Burn! is Walkers rebel protégé and 
future martyr played elloriless 
black power by Evaristo Marquez, a Co- 
lomb ive without previous acting 
experience. A primitive monactor 


fits 
much more comlortably than a Brando 
ло Poniecorvo's simple revolutionary 
primer, in which charisma can be a 
handicap. It's distressing to see two po- 
tentially great talents working at cross- 
purposes on picture that might have 
achieved contemporary relevance. 


Joh heme song and 
spreads musical moonshine all over the 
sound track of I Walk the tine, but does 
not appear in director John Franken 
heimer's melodrama about a backwoods 
sheriff who risks his job, his life, his 


family and his good name lor love of a 
no-count bootlegger's teenage daughter. 
As a story, Walk the Line generates the 
sort of cheap fascination associated with 
confession magazines and Frankenheimer's 
down-and dirty тє 
the material at ha 
ceptionally well acted and easy to 
Even though members of the Gregory 


Peck Fan Club may cavil at their hero” 
new image as a horny old lawman with 
a penchant for young stuff, Peck hasn't 


had so appealing and warm-blooded a 
role in years. Estelle Parsons plays the 
embittered wife in her customary shrill 
manner. Tuesday Weld, as the succulent 
wer, is wickedly sexy, with talent 


facade. Location filming, one of 
¡kenheimer's favorite things, lends an 
ir of tacky authenticity to the proceed- 
ings as law and order gradually decline, 
No mauer what they call the pl 
reckless springtime in Appalachia and the 
sap is running strong. 


Like a malevolent eye, the camera cm- 
ningly adopts the Killers point of view 
during crudal moments of The Bird with 


the Crystal Plumage, а thriller which 
almost every moment is crucial. Made in 
Italy by write tor Dario Argento 


nd smoothly dubbed into h, Bird 
begins with a hair-raising murder, fol- 
Towed by a Roman police inspector's 
grave anngunccnient that 
dangerous maniac at large in this city. 
Several subsequent developments h 
on implausibility, yet a moviegoer pressed 
into service as a trembling eyewitness 
may well overlook certain shortcomings 
of plot after Tony Musante, as a hung- 
up American writer doing cur de- 
tedive work in Rome, saves a beautiful 
stabbing victim (Eva Renzi) and becomes 
so involved in the anatomy of the crime 
that his own woo mate (comely Suzy 
Kendall) nearly joins the list of unsol 
homicides. Without giving away the clu 
in the movie's title, we can warn that its 
best scenes ma 
on the ne 
nario falters, d 
cool, deftly ріс 
gallery of underworld pimps and asasi 
or sketching se droll asides about the 
use of computers programmed to detect 
crime. A fiendishly dever score by En 
Morricone—the sound of music com- 
bined with heavy breathing—does every- 
thing else that must be done to keep the 
balance of terror intact. 


“there ds 


ends Even when the sce- 
«tor Argento keeps his 
from 


S ош faces 


Ilf and Petrov were pen names for a 
team of celebrated Soviet humorists who 
rate little more than а nod in very small 
print during the opening credits of The 
Twelve Chairs. These authors of the origi 
nal comic novel deserve better, but audi- 
ences probably won't mind—since Chairs 
n makes up for the oversight. 


Funnyman Mel Brooks, who hogs the 
credits as writer and director, has made 
a thoroughly Americanized showbiz ver- 
sion of a modern Russian fable, played 
with all the subtlety of a bronx cheer 
Filmed in Yugoslavia and set іп post- 
revolutionary Russia, circa 1927, Chairs 
obeys no rules except those governing the 
lost art of pure comedy. That it 
low comedy seems irrelevant. after 


exposure to the antics of Brooks—who 


does a hilarious turn as a stolid Russ 
peasant who licks the hand that beats 
him—and a cast of superlative downs 
led by Ron Moody (the memorable Fa 
gin of Oliver!) and TV's dumpy sec 
ond banana Dom De Luise. Moody plays 
an impoverished ariwocat who travel 
the length and breadth of Mother Russia 
uying to find a dozen diningroom 
chairs, in one of which his dear dead 
momma concealed a fortune in jewels 
De Luise complements Moody's mad con 
centration with unmitigated slapstick as 
a greedy, defrocked priest. Dogged by 
a handsome young adventurer (Frank 
Langella), they sally forth to look for 
the fortune in a Moscow furniture mu 
seum, on tour with a scedy theatrical 
troupe in icy Siberia and under the big 
top, where a Finnish tightrope walker 
has appropriated one of the elusive 
chairs for his act. Ripping up upholstery 
takes so much energy that the movie 
hasn't a moment to waste on love inter- 
est, or on If Petrov's nostalgia for aristo- 
atic decadence. But never mind the 
details, Anybody with happy memories 
of Brooks's The Producers should find 


Chairs the occasion for a massive siti 


Sumptuous trappings and the stately 
pace of a coronation are lavished upon 
Cromwell, which would make a fine field 
шір for students keen on revolution but 
otherwise reluctant to learn the lessons 
of 17th Century English history. Here 
lies ultimate proof that a luge film com- 
pany with money to spend can recon- 
stiuct castles galore and fill almost 
h hordes of armored 
the movie is so 


any landscape w 
troops. 


Between battles, 
ied that it often seems about to 
to a coma—but the situation 
remedied by the likes of Alec Guinness 
the monarch Charles 1: the scene of 
beheading has more life in it than 
any of the civil wars or parliamentary 
debates raging around him. Oliver Crom- 
well, the Puritan dictator who dethroned 
Charles, was virtually the only civilian 
head of state in England's long, bloody 
history. and Richard Haris plays the 


following the conception of author-direc 
tor Ken Hughes (last and least remem- 
bered for Chitly Chitty Bang Bang) 
Though the scenario scarcely touches 
upon King Charles's renown as one of 
the great art patrons, at whose court the 
names of Rubens and Vandyke were 


On his last outing, Studs Merkel 
wowed the gang with his own 
special, triple-filtered cigarette. 
Now everybody will be smoking 
special, triple-filtered cigarettes. 


... almost everybody 
er = 


Camel Filters. 
They're not for everybody. 


(But then, they don't try to be.) On, > > 


^H 


Sst 


PLAYBOY 


38 


houseliold words, Hughes pays homage 
to the fact with decor and cinematogra- 
phy right off the walls of the Prado or the 
Louvre. Cromwell's intelligent pageanuy 
has value, but ranks somewhere below 
Becket as another of moviedom’s famil- 
iar, traditional dashes between two 
tans of yore struggling to get a foothold 


in posterity. 


Sccing the Playboy Club in New Orle 
ans portrayed аз а hangout for local 
rightwing extremists might be taken for 
а gratuitous slur, except that our Bunny 
emblems and back issues have been used 
by moviemakers of every persuasion in 
more ways than anyone can count. 
There are much better reasons for taking 
exception to WUSA, adapted by Robert 
Stone from his novel, 4 Hall of Mirrors, 
about an uncommitted drifter (Paul 
Newman) who goes to work for an 
ultraconservative adio station—spilling 
the poisonous New 
dean American sound of WUSA") over 
the balmy airwaves of Dixie—mostly be- 
cause he doesn't give a damn. He is a 
born survivor, looking out for number 
one, and WUSA stresses the error of his 
ways with so much hcavyladen dialog 
nd high purpose that moviegoers are 
apt to wonder why director Stuart (Cool 
Hand Luke) Rosenberg and associates 
didn't just go right ahead and have their 
message cuved in granite. Coproduced 
by Newman, whose wife Joanne Wood- 
ward (as the goodhearted whore) and 
Anthony Perkins (as a gentle do-gooder 
and potential assassin) head the list of 
society's innocent victims, WUSA is over- 
wrought from beginning to end with all 
manner of camera gimmickry used to 
induce a state of cultural shock. The 
costars—with the possible exception of 
Perkins, who does very well, indeed, un- 
til swamped by the contradictions of his 
role—act as though they're slumming in 
support of a worthy cause, Visible among 
the bad guys, black and white, are Moses 
Gunn and Laurence Harvey; the right- 
wing ringleader is played by Pat Hingle, 
Hollywood's favorite sed-ncck. If fascism 
in America is really a threat, let’s hope 
for something better than IVUSA's plat 
tudes to light the way back to reason, 

The Traveling Executioner, if justice prevails, 
will become known as the picture that 
made a movie star of Broadway's Stacy 
Keach, who played his first major film 
role in End of the Road. Keach sizzles 
with brash, bullying charm as а former 
d. con man and proud owner of 
a working electric chair mounted in the 
back of a dilapidated truck. As offic 
executioner for several Southern states 
circa 1918, Keach travels [rom prison to 
prison collecting à hundred bucks every 
ime he fries a graduate of death row. 
Travelmg Executioner's plot concerns 
the hero's involvement with his first 


female victim. a condi 
(Mariana Hill) who wins an unofficial 
stay of execution in exchange for the usual 
favors, and ultimately persuades her 
would-be killer to engineer her escape 
At this point in his career, Stacy Keach 
shows more dramatic flair than deep fecl- 
ings, but it may just be that Executioner 
is that kind of picture. Taken from a 
strikingly original first screenplay by 
Garrie Bateson, a recent graduate of the 
USC film school, the movie was produced 
and directed by Jack Smight wi i 

Hollywood competence. Something more 
was needed to fully project Bateson's 
scenario as a bold, black—and timely— 
comedy about professional merchants of 
death who, at last, can only justify шей 
lives through greater and grislier destruc 

n. 


105 midnight. A deserted school sta- 
dium. Lights flash on and the roar of 
revved-up motorbikes sets pulses and 
road hogs racing. The question is; Will 
Joe Namath beat out his archrival, м 
back the $2000 and save Ann-Margret 
from a gang bang? Well, you can bet 
your bit of bread he will, because 
©. С. end Company is an action drama con- 
trived for no loftier purpose than to 
couple Mighty Joe the vagabond with 
undulant Ann-Margret the high-fashion 
copy writer. The movie could be worse 
only if its concocters had tried a tiny bit 
der to glamoria: viulence, prost 
tion, petty theit and other folkways of a 
rampaging motorcyde gang. On a giant 
screen, Namath seldom looks weak in the 
knees or fumbles a pass, but he doesn’t 
quite make it as a sex symbol, even when 
one of the resident “old la finds 
him tinkering with his bike and mur- 
murs a line like “You know where all 
the parts go?" C. C's simple-minded at- 
tempt at exploitation makes amateurs of 
everyone save the crew of motorcycle 
stunt men who raise hell on whecls. For a 
different look at Namath, see High Noon 
for Broadway Joe on page 128. 

The ofevexing question of what 
makes a winner and what makes a loser 
is considered in yet another study of the 
motorcycle mythos, this one about two 
fanatics on the racing circuit, Little Feuss 
and Big Halsy, co-starring Robert Red- 
ford and Michael J. Pollard. “It's not 
how you do, it's where you been,” says 
Redford as Halsy, the loud, self-inflated 
stud and sponger who does his real 
swinging in beds and bars. “It’s how you 
do, Hals" replies his grubby sidekick, 
whose ultimate win in a bigtime meet 
at Sears Point, California, not only marks 
the underdog's triumph over bullshit but 
also sets up the film's walloping finale. 
Line by line, scenarist Charles Eastman's 
script for Little Fauss sounds a little bet- 
ter than it looks in the hyped-up treat- 
ment favored by director Sidney J. Furi 


The iln'sseedy, sun-drenched atmosphere 
rings true, though, and the bike sequences 
have whipcracking vitality. Pollard’s 
mush-mouthed portrayal of a born no 
body takes a little getting used to, since 
he underplays with a stubborn zeal that. 
ly becomes pretentious. Redford, 
a ctor getting even better, is all 
jockstrap in a part akin to the beautiful 
heel he played in Downhill Racer; his 
performance alone makes this movie a 
must. 


Clearly influenced by the theater of 
cruclty and avantgarde absurdity, а 
bunch of the boys from smoke filled rooms 
in Hollywood have whooped up a thor 
oughly unpleasant comedy called Where's 
Poppa? Scenarist Robert Klane took the 
idea—basically а cruel Jewish-mother 
joke, written іп bile—from his own 
novel, and Carl Reiner directs as if he had 
just been licensed to use up a lifetime 
supply of obscenities. Thus George Segal, 
the dutiful son of a senile old Momma 
who will not believe that Poppa has 
passed on, can warn the lady, "I'll punch 
your fuckin’ heart out.” Later, when her 
boy is trying in vain to entertain a you! 
lady (winsome Trish Van Devere) in- 
corrigible Momma (veteran Ruth Gor 
don, who was somehow snagged for the 
part) pulls his pants down and starts 
smothering his bare ass with hisses. The 
film originally ended with boy losing girl 
and falling into bed in Poppa's place, 
until hasty reediting eliminated incest 
and dispatched Momma to a nursing 
home. тап. as the 
hero's married broth amt get away 
from home without threatening bodily 
harm to his children, has some very funn: 
moments that appear to be part of a 
nervous breakdown. In general, the actors 
look less embarrassed than they ought to 
be while sweating over the movie's 
strained jokes on stained subjects. 
Producer-director Billy Wilder and 
his longtime collaborator, author I. A. L- 
Diamond, scem to have been foiled by 
The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes. On the 
‘onc hand, they have a modernized version 
of a Sherlock Holmes adventure, played 
pretty straight by Britain's Robert Ste- 
phens as the Olympian sleuth, Colin 
Blakely as the good Dr. Watson and 
Genevieve Page as the charming her 
—or is she? But when the mood strikes 
him, Wilder shifts gears and spoofs 
the Holmesian saga, sniggering over the 
possibility that Sherlock has homosexual 
tendencies—making the master and his 
le-kick the first Baker Street irregulars. 
While the stylish actors assembled by 
able of playing 
outright parody or a quaint регі 
od duille, they can hardly do both 
things at the same time. The result is a 
muddle-ofiheroad movie that is dullest 
when it is tongue in check, far better 
when it settles down with pipe and 


= Ë LR 
MAYA MORIN, Italian film actress, appe 
Her “Galliano Gold" gown is by famed Italian designer Bik 


5 in Federico Fellini's SATYRICON. 


»f Milan. Photographed at 


Eb 


Palatine Hill,” Rome. 


TT 


со, 


кудак, ну? моки 


CO., NEW 


ni eli 


39 


PLAYBOY 


40 


London:9728 
ХОС MEL 
Mexico City: $0.60 
ATHENS:$6.99 
Tokyo:*14.89 


NEW YORK: 54.29 


Allover the world King George IV sells at the same prestige 
price as the other ‘Чор twelve” Scotches. 
But here, it is the only one of them you can buy for 
a remarkable $4.99 4/5 at. And it's the very same Scotch! 


"New York State price. Slightly higher or lower in other states. 


King George lV 


100% Blended Scotch Whiskies. 80 Proof Sole Distributor U.S.A. Munson Shaw Со, М.Ү. 


dippers to spin an old-fashioned yarn 
having to do with six missing midgets 
(‘Not only midgets—but anarchists,” 
snaps Holmes), an airpump engincer, 
some dead canaries, the Loch Ness mon- 
ster and plans for an ultimate weapon 
most «cful to Queen Victoria. Ele- 
mentary, Mr. Wilder? 


ied with the acknowledged giants 
alian cinema, writer-director Erman- 
no (The Sound of Trumpets) Olmi 

creator of miniatures. In Olmi’s modest 
but masterful The Scavengers, a work first 
conceived for television, the Italian neo. 
realist tradition remains alive and well, 
albeit pleasantly splashed with Eastman- 
color. Italy during the era of recon- 
struction alter World War Two is the 
backdrop for Olmi's low-key portrait of 
a returned soldier (Andreino Carli) who 
joins forces with an eccentric social out- 
st named Old Du to scavenge scrap 
metal and live ammunition from forgot- 
ten battlefields high up in the hills A 
poignant human comedy grows from the 
testy relationship between the partners 
—one an incurably practical youth, the 
other a rambunctious philosopher who 
4 of freedom by collect- 
the wake of mankind's 


r member of the team tries to 
introduce such technological innovations 
as a mine detector is damnably funny, 
ed for something more than 
laughs. Though a mite precious at times, 
The Scavengers is a welcome antidote to 
the spate of tired anti-war films, and 
offers a marvelous. almost mystical peace 
symbol in the character of Old Du as 
portrayed by Antonio Lunardi—one of 
those inspired inventions that lift a mov- 
ie beyond the ulars of story and 
period into a classic realm. 

director Elio Petri, whose last 
film was the crafty thriller A Quiet Place 
іп the Country, attempts something 
much more ambitious in Investigation of 
fen Above Suspicion. Already well- 
known abroad, Pcui is 
leftist with a highly developed 
style that only partly conceals his shal- 
lowness as a political thinker. Investi- 
gation arrives here heavily Tade: 
European film awards, perhaps evidence 
of the movie's serious aims in dramatizing 
the casc of a fascist chief of homicide 
(Gian Maria Volonte) slated for promo- 
tion to a post in political intelligence 
nd obsessed with the uses of power. To 
test the competence of authority, as he 
puts it, the chief murders a brazen slut 
(Florinda Bolkan) whose bed he has 
shared, and plants a number of sdf 
incriminating clues at the scene of the 
ne. And а neatly cold-blooded scene it 
is, the way Petri films it. Because the 
hero belongs heart and soul to the cs 
tablishment, his colleagues refuse to 


with 


VT-100 


Glass and crystal ferrite head...ivs the 
first of its kind in the world. A completely 
new and revolutionary AKA [-developed con- 
сері in recording /playback heads, The core 
is made of pure crystal ferrite, and the inner 
circumference of the head shield is mounted 
and set in glass. Аз а result, the head is not 
only “dust free” and "wear free" but pro- 
ducesa "focused field" bias which completely 
eliminates distortion in recordinz/playback 
of high frequency signals, This superb head 
is incorporated in our GX-365D Stereo Tape 
Deck which also features automatic con- 
tinuous reverse, automatic volume control, 
magnetic brake, and 3 motors 


above 


world standards 


This kind of high level technology in the 
production of recording heads resulted іп 
another world’s first—the VT-100 Portable 
Video Tape Recorder System Гог 1/4-inch 
tape, 1/4-inch tape is only one-half the width 
of those used on conventional УТЕ. Despite 
its small size—the world’s smallest —the 
VT-100 produces sharp, bright, clear images 
equal to, if not better than, larger size УТ Кз. 
Only the AKAI VT-100 can offer vou such 
excitement as seeing what you shot—repro- 
duced with sound—on the spot. 


AKAI'S high level electronics and tape 
recorder production technology has produced 
another world's first (world's first” is an 
everyday айайт at AKAD. ICs the Х-20005 
Open Reet, Cartridge, Cassette Stereo Tape 
Recorder, the world’s only recorder that 
offers vou the three functions of open reel. 
cartridge and cassette recording /playback in 
one machine! Only Х-20005 transfers REEL- 
to-CARTRIDGE and REEL-10-CASSETTE. 


IF you're an audiophile, then our new 250D 
Tape Deck is for you. It includes all the 
features you look for in a top grade tape 
recorder. You'll be amazed by its high level 
mechanics, including 4 heads and automatic 
reverse. It's the highest quality tape deck in 
its price range. 


AKAI products are already highly acclaimed in 
‘most parts of the world, including the Far East 


Audio & Video 


AKAI. 


J. TURNER AND CO., LTD. 

Р.О. Box 3672, Honolulu. Hawaii Tel. 25316616 
Cable Address: HAWKAIHON 

AKAI products are now available in Hawaii at 
your local Army, Air Force and Navy Exchanges. 
AKAI TRADING CO., LTD. 

Ohta-kv, Tokyo, Japan 


Before 1865, 
there wasn't a taste of ( 
civilization between 
the Mississippi 

and San Francisco. 


4 9 = 
Then came Hamm's. < 
2. 
A frontiersman could get along without a hot bath. But doing without 3 | 


a decent beer was hard to put up with. 

So when Theodore Hamm opened his tiny brewery on 
the edge of America’s wilderness, his beer found a lot of 
ready takers. 

Because there in the “land of sky blue waters” he * 
had found the pure, icy water he had been looking for. 

The water best for brewing. And with it he brewed 
the frontier’s first great beer—beer with a flavor that 
ran deep. 

Today, the Hamm’s brand of civilization spans 
the country. Because the flavor still runs deep. \\ 

As deep as it did 105 years ago, when Theodore j 
Hamm brought beer tradition across the Mississippi. E 


A beer is a beer is a beer 


until you've tasted Hamm's = 


Dare you be different? 
as mellow as a great Bourbon. But different! 


It takes years to master the ancient art of Sumo 
Unbelievably smooth. Drink it straight, on-the- 


wrestling. And ithas taken generations to perfect 


the rare Japanese whisky known as Suntory rocks or mixed. It is the 
Royal. It's light as an outstanding Scotch, classic whisky from Japan. Bus 
SUNTORY 
ROYAL 
WHISKY 


"Ihe Sumo Grand Champion may entertain your guests at home for $3,000. Suntory Royal entertains for much less. 


86.8 PROOF. A BLEND OF RARE, SELECTED WHISKIES DISTILLED AND BOTTLED NEAR KYOTO, JAPAN. SUNTORY INTL, LOS ANGELES, CALIF. 


condemn him despite the evidence, lest 
they condemn themselves. That thematic 
quirk actually makes Іше sense in rela- 
tion to the known reality of repressive 
political systems—in which friends, 


mies and yesterday's heroes are per 
ically subjected to purging. Moreover, 
Pewi's intentions are so clear at the outset 
that his movie lacks even a hint of sus- 
pense. Ideas are stated and worked out 
along predictable lines, studying the 
closed inner circles of power at sharp 
camera а a cue for critics to dust 
olf descriptives such as “Kalkacsque” 
Anything but Kafkaesque, Petri's images 
are precise, delicate, frequently beautiful 
and more or less irrelevant most of the 
time. 


RECORDINGS 


A superabundance of 1 

unworthy packages for gi getting 
makes this a delightfully Jong-playing 
Christmas. Beethoven's bicentennial cele- 
bration in 1970 gave the record com 
panics cause to offer all manner of 
Ibums of the composer's works. Foremost 
coumry mile, is Deutsche Grammo. 
75-LP, 12-album Beethoven Edition 

hout everything the compose 

put on paper, performed by such lum 
ies as Von Karajan and the Berlin 
Philharmonic, Richter (Karl), Anda, 
Menuhin, Oisuakh (David), Fische 
Dieskau. etc. It is being offered at rhe 
bargain price of just a hemidemisemi- 
quaver under 5300 and is accompanied 
by an absolutely smashing book on Be: 
thoven that is a joy in itself. London has 
done its bit for Ludwig with The Piano 
Sonatas, played by Wilhelm Backhaus on 
ten LPs and given performances that are 


ino esi ШЕШ corte Nt) Gm Dona Stop wishing you could. 
are The Nine Symphonies, plus the Leonore You can witha Canon. 


riure, set down in beautiful fashion 


on seven LPs by the Vienna Philha A Canon 35mm systems camera makes even the tough shots easy. 

under the baton of Hans Schmidt-Is- Three Canon models (the FT-QL, Pelix QL and TL-QL) have 

edt. Complete Sonatas for Piano ond incredibly accurate through-the-lens spotmetering for precise read- 
(Philips) finds the too-little-celebra ings in every lighting situation. What's more, they all give you fast 
violinist Arthur Grumiaux and pianist ^ microprism focusing and Canon's exclusive QL (quick-loading) fea- 
Clara Haskil—a marvelous pairing fill. ture that lets you load film in seconds, without threading or fumbling. 
ing four recordings with the constantly Most important, all three cameras are backed by our complete 
n arding sounds of the ten works system of professional-quality interchangeable lenses and acces- 

sories. 

A franchised Bell & Howell/Canon dealer can get you started. 


Columbia's fiverecord bicentennial set of 
The Complete Piono Trios, done definitivel 
by the renowned and probably unsur 
passable Istomin-Stern-Rose Trio, has to 
be considered a must for any serious col- 
lector. А superb album to give or, lucky 
you, receive is one that focuses in on a 
contemporary musical giant. Columbia 

Pablo Casals contains, within its E 

slipcase, recordin 

and Thirties by the legendary cellist and 
never before available there ar 


also Casals Festival performances 
Prades and Marlborough) and a r 
ing of Casals talking about his lif 
musi 

This yule’s aural bounty also includes 
estimable operatic fare. Heading this 


PLAYBOY 


42 


Gordon’. 

It's how the 
Merrie Olde English 
keep their 


gin up! 


fj THE HEART OF A GOOD COCKTAIL Bg 


Let down on the crackling dryness, the delicate flavour of Gordon's Gin? 
Especially during the Christmas season? Never! 
Every bottle is based on Mr. Gordon's original 1769 formula. So today, and every day, you pour a 
drink that’s dry as Scrooge. A fanatic devotion to our discoverer? Perhaps. 
But then, anything less wouldn't be the spirit of the season! 


PRODUCT OF U.S.A. 100% NEUTRAL SPIRITS DISTILLED FROM GRAIN. 90 PROOF. GORDON'S DRY GIN CD., LTE., LINDEN, K 1 


years list is Berlioz’ еріс tes Troyens 
(Philips), at last available in a complete 
five-LP recording that superbly conveys 
the heroic panoply and intimate poetry 
of this long-neglected work; conductor 
Colin Davis presides over a mainly Brit 
ish cast. Patient Wagnerites who have 
been collecting Von Karajan's annual 
installments of the “Ring” суйе will 
welcome the concluding six-record set. 
Götterdömmerung (Deutsche Grammophon), 
which introduces Swedish tenor Helge 
Brilioth in the demanding role of Sieg- 
fried. And operaphiles with a taste for 
vic singing will find much to savor 
II-Russian. performance of Teh: 


in 
kovsky's Eugene Onegin (Mclodiya/ 


el) 
hy members of the Bolshoi Opera. Among 
the season's other notable lyric loot: 
Verdi's H Trovatore (RCA), with Leontyne 
Price as the leading lady; Gluck's Orfeo 
(London), featuring the dazzling pyro- 
technics of mezzo-soprano Marilyn Horn 
па Puccini's Modoma Butterfly (Seraphim), 
in a classic mono version by Toti Dal 
Monte and Beniamino Gigli. 

The spoken word comes in for its 
share of holiday fare and, as is usually 
the case, Caedmon is the source of most 
of the goodies. This go-round, that label is 
such delights as Eugene O'Neill's 
Wilderness!, directed by Theodore 
Mann, with st that indudes Geraldine 
gerald and the wonderful character 
у Gates. Dated? Of course—but 
am Con- 
KIEVE'S The Way of the World, perlormed by 
а cast from The National Theater of 
Great Britain, under the direction of Mi- 
chac! Langham. As an e 
toration comedy. i 
wit is timeless. Which brings us to The Wit 
апа Wisdom of Will Rogers, first recorded in 
1935. Rogers, in his own homespun, aw- 
shucks biting a puncturer of 
pomposity in high places as we have ever 
had on the Americ or those not 
fortunate enough to have sampled Rogers 
імісге, this а tion. 

work 


hypnotic effect upon the listen- 

hear what we mean on Dylon 
Thomos Reads с Personal Anthology. Includ- 
ed are readings from Yeats, Wilfred 
Owen, D. Н. Lawrence and Milton. 

For the jazzand-pop fancier, there is a 
host of twin LP packages that should 
strike the proper responsive chord. A 
large number of them are collections of 
tracks from past recordings, bestols, etc, 
and make for happy, high-density audit- 
ing. Columbia has begun the ambitious 
project of reissuing all of great blu 
pioneer Bessie Smith's recordings. Two 
albums, Bessie Smith / The World's Greatest 
Blues Singer and Any Women's Blues, аге 
available now—ollering 61 examples of 
why Miss Smith, one of the fist of the 
female blues singers, is considered by 
many to have been the best. The only 


Zodiac SST 
The mostaccurate 
watch you 
can wear. 


Guaranteed. 


The Zodiac SST (Split Second Timing). 
Guaranteec"not to gain or lose more than 
one minute per month. Extraordinary 
precision and dependability made 
possible by the most accurate watch 
movement Switzerland produces. 

You can actually hear the differ- 
ence. The SST ticks twice as fast 

as the watch you're wearing now. 
36,000 times an hour to be exact 

This exceptional speed means 
exceptional accuracy... and 
exceplional resistance to bumps 

and shocks that throw the aver- 

age watch off, Self-winding 17 

jewel Swiss movement, accurate 
day-dale calendar, water resistant 

A variety of styles, all in stainless 

steel or 18k gold electroplate with 
stainless steel backs. All priced 

from $110. (Watch shown, $115.) 
Zodiac 

1212 Ave. of the Americas,NY.C 10036 


“Adjustment to this tolerance, if necessary, 
will be made а! no cost for a period о! one vear. 


Finelly—and fortunately for all music lovers—there is now a tape cassette available 
that will make your cassette music sound virtually as good as your finest records. Pop, 
jazz, rock or classicel—a ТОК SD" cassette will make your recorder sound instantly better, 
Тһе TOK SD cassette gives you clear, crisp, life-like fidelity with en incredible frequency 
response of 30 to 20.000 Hz, a SN ratio of better than 55 dB, an extremely wide 
dynamic range and practically no hiss. 


TDKassettes work smoothly and efficiently, no jamming, tearing or other little 
tragedies. Just ask for TDK—"tne cassette that is in a class by itself", 


TDK SD tape is available in 30, 60 and 90 minute cassettes. At fine audio, music, 
department and camera stores everywhere. 


World's leader in tape technology since 1932, 
© tona |BLANO CITY, NEW YORK 103 А 


43 


PLAYBOY 


44 


If your pipe has only two parts 


you're missing a vital part: 
the Medico filter 


MEDICO 


The 66 baffles in replaceable, absorbent 
Medico Filters trap juices, tars, nicotine. 
“They keep your mouth cleaner, cooler. 
Change the filter and your pipe is clean. 
Nylon bits are guaranteed bite-proof. 


Imported 
Briar 


Genuine 


Че 


a 
A 26 


RADER 


Medico Filter Pipes: $3.50 to $30. Medico 
Filters: regular, menthol, charcoal, 10 for 15¢. 
For beautiful color catalog, write Medico, 
745 Fifth Avenue, New York, М.Ү. 10022, 
Dept. A44. Please enclose 10¢ for handling. 


Sterling 
Silver 
Filigree 


MEDIC O Filter Pipes 


give pleasure and peace of mind 


ü 
bare 


essential 


The fragrance that brings 
out the playmate in her, 
turns on the playboy 

їп you! Half ounce of 
Playboy's Playmate 
Perfume. ТЕ2000 $15. 


Shall we send a gift card 
їп your name? No C.O.D. orders; 
Send check or money order 
{including 506 for handling) to: 
Playboy Products, 

Playboy Building, 

919 N. Michigan Ave., 

Chicago, Illinois 60611, 

Playboy Club credit 

keyholders may charge. 


BPLAYMATER 


y 
г 
> 
53 
@ 
O 
< 
" 


0 
2 
4 
32) 
п. 
LI 


PERFUME! 


singer to contest Bessie's tide was Billie 
Holiday. Decca's The Billie Holiday Story, 
taken from songs recorded in a six-year 
period from 1944 to 1950. contains some 
of the best efforts of the tragedy stalked 
Lady Day—Lover Man, A Pigfoot and a 
Battle Beer (usually considered Bessie 
Smith’s private property). Porgy and Sol- 
itude. Belafonte buffs, whose numbers 
obviously are legion. will revel in This 
ls Horry Belofonte (RCA)—a twin-packet. 
reprise of Harry’s most memorable efforts 
for that label. The Best of John Colirone / His 
Greatest Yeors (Impulse) should bc re- 
quired listening for anyone unaware of 
just how much of an influence the late 
tenor man had on those contemporaric: 
of his who were trying to breathe new life 
into jazz. That he succeeded can he at- 
tested to by Don Ellis or Fillmore (Columbia), 
two LPs filled with some of the wildest 
bigband sounds around. Elis and his 
merry men just about destroy the Fill- 
more as they offer a basic course in what 
inventive, adventuresome jazz is all 
about. Jazz lives! 


Since the Beatles went their separate 
s, Ringo Starr has been pursuing his 


terest in country-and-western music. 
Benucoups of Blues (Apple) is his latest ef- 
fort—singing, not drumming—in that 


vein and, accepting the premise that most 
listeners probably wouldn't expect more 
than mediocrity from Ringo, he has sur- 
passed expectations. Taken in their mu 
cal context, the 12 tunes on the album 
rather nice. They were recorded in 
Nashville with that town's top session 
men and produced by Pete Drake, with 
the writing credits for the songs shared 
by the sidemen. The material i 
country and western, with 
Fastest Growing Heartache in the W 
Women of the Night and Loser's Low 
Ringo once They're gonna make а 
big slay оша me, and all I gotta do is act 
naturally,” and that's what he does on 
this album. 


A brilliant new light on the gui 
tar scene, John McLaughlin, gives an 
overpowering demonstration on Dev 
s) of what can be done with an 
nstrument that has fallen on evil clich 
Backed by a rhythm section featuring 
Buddy Miles on drums and percussion 
d Larry Young on organ and electric 
piano, McLaughlin constructs shects of 
intricately woven sounds as he stretches 
ош over а half dozen of his own compo- 
sitions. It will take more than one listen- 
ing before you can really start digging 
the album's subtleties, but it rates repeat 
performances. 


The so-called rock-n-roll revival of 
1970 was a promoter’s pipe dream that 
turned out to be a rock'n'roll reburial. 
Despite the sideburned fantasies, and 
not counting occasional moments by 


Now...a new way to get stereo tape cartridges — at great savings! 


MADDOGSS (| 
ENGLISHMEN Ú 


ШШ) 


7 We Kade It 
Kappen 


А Da 


TEN YEARS 
TOGETHER 
сіз 


FRANK SINATRAS | THE BEST ОҒ 
ETS q 
h i | ] MONSTER | omi Janes 


CROSBY, STILLS 
WASH & YOUNG 
DALLAS TAYLOR 
& EREG REEVES 


TWIN 
PACKS 
Twice me 
Sen ects 
Selection 


© 1971 CBS Direct Marketing Services SC-508/571 


As your introduction, choose 


ANY 3 


8-TRACK CARTRIDGES 


3 
And handling 


when you join now, and agree to purchase 
as few as four additional cartridges during the 
coming year, from the more than 600 to be offerec 


YES, THAT'S RIGHT! You may have any 3 of the best-selung 
Strack cartridges shown here—ALL 3 for only $1.00! 
That's the fabulous bargain for new members who join now 
‘and agree to purchase as few as four additional selections 
in the coming year. 

As a member you will receive, every four weeks, a copy 
of the Clubs buying guide. Each issue offers scores of 
different cartridges to choose from—the best-sellers 
from over 50 different labels! 

If you want only the regular selection of your main 
musical interest, you need do nothing —it will be shipped 
to you automatically. Or you may order any of the other 
cartridges offered . . . or take no cartridge at all... just 
ty returning the convenient selection card by the cate 
specified. What's more, from time to time the Club will 
offer same special cartridges which you may reject by 
returning the special dated form provided . . . or accept 
by doing nothing. 

YOUR OWN CHARGE ACCOUNT! Upon enrollment, we will 
‚open а charge account in your name. You pay for your car- 
tridzes only after you've received them — and are enjoying 
them. They will be mailed and billed to you at the regular 
Club price of $6.98 (some special cartridges somewhat 
higher), plus a mailing and handling charge. 

FANTASTIC BONUS PLAN! Once you've completed your er- 
Tollment agreement, you'll get a cartridge of your choice 
FREE (plus 256 mailing and handling) for every two car 
ridges you buy! That's like getting a 3313% discount 
from regular Club prices on all the &irack cartridges 
you want .. . for as long as you want! 


Columbia Tape Club 
a service of 


By ‘columbia 
louse 


Terre Haule Indiana 47808 


SEND NO MONEY NOW 


| COLUMBIA TAPE CLUB 1 

] Terre Haute, Indiana 47808 1 

| Please accent me as а member of the Club. I've indi- 
cated below the three cartridges | wish 10 receive for 

| зто, plus mailing and handling. 1 agree to Purchase 

| four more selections during the Coming yeer at the reg: 
Шаг Club price under the terms outlined in this adver. 

| tisement . . - and 1 may cance! my membership any time 

1 thereafter. If 1 continue, I will be eligible for the Club's 

| Enero bonus cian. 


SEND ME THESE 3 CARTRIDGES (fill in numbers below): 


=a 


My mein musical interest is (check ane box only): 


| 
Д 
l 
1 
! 
І 
1 
D Easy listening [ Today's Sounds О) Country | 
l 
1 
1 
1 
1 
! 


iss (Please print) First Name ТЕЙТ Last Namie 


45 


PLAYBOY 


46 


The Who and Mou me rock 
"n' roll is practically dead. Except for 
that phoenix named Mick Jagger and 
the nasty old Rolling Stones, who—the 
Altamont disaster behind them—have 
handed all their hip detractors the best 
hardrock album of the усаг. 105 called 
Get Yer Yo-Yo's Our! (London), and you 
better: all their best stuff Sym pathy for 
the Devil, Carol, Honky Tonk Women 
and a really mean rendering of Midnight 
Rambler—done live and tough at Madi 
son Square Garden. 115 like when rock 
"n' roll was really rock "n' roll. 

Chicogo—Volume Two (Blue 
ish 


Blues Jom 
Horizon) is a coming together of В 


blues group Fleetwood Mac and some 


original blues greats—Willie Dixon, J. Т. 
Brown, Honeyboy Edwards, S. P. Leary 
and the late Otis Spann—at the Chess 
“Ter Mar Studios in Chicago. The record- 
ing is a semidocumentary—stud 
sation is included—but no new frontie 
we broken. 105 just some English lads 
getting together with their idols and that’s 
interesting enough. The material takes in 
the standards Someday Soon Baby, Black 
Jack Blues and eight other umes. 

gets some able assistance 
Bramicu—of Bonnie and 


conver- 


King Cuni 
from Delane 


Delaney—and Eric Clapton on Get Ready 


(Atco). The duo plays on the driving 
Teusin'. which Bramlett produced. The 
fare moves easily and smoothly from the 
getdown Soulin” 10 the pulsating tide 
tune. 


Tell the Truth (Atco) is a collection of 
cuts recorded by the late Otis Redding 
belore his tragic death three years ago. 
The selections seem to be made up of 


or was still being polished at the 
c of his death. Otis is not at his best 
on longtime Favorites Out of 
Slippia and Slidin'; but that 
searching for something beyond hard 
rhythm and blues is evidenced by the 
pop horn lines heard on Wholesale Love 
and 7 Got the Will. 

Simon Stokes and the Nighthawks (MGM) 
put together some workmanlike blues 
tock on their first album. The quintet is 
led by Stokes’s vocals оп a set that in- 
cludes a funky version of old favori 
Jambalaya, a wailer, You've Been In, and 
ten other tunes. The group is right at 
home in a derivative form. 

Trip in the Country (Polydor), 
ond album by Area Code 615—a group 
of top Nashville session men who decid- 


the sec 


ed to wax their own sound—is an imagi- 
native blend of rock and country. The 
rtists, doing the engineering and pro- 
ducing themselves, achieve a pure, per 


sonal commu 


ication. We particularly 


dug Weldon Myrick's mellow steel guitar 
on Always the Same and David Briggs's 
grabby piano work on his original tune, 
Judy. 


A while back, Columbia signed a skin- 
ny albi; player—who had been 
starving down in Texas—to a $600,000 
contract and his life was changed. He 
recorded two good albums, but there was 
always the reminder that artists don't get 
$600,000 for just being good. Now the 
money is not mentioned quite as much 
and Johnny Winter has a new group— 
rather, he’s part of a new band, a bit 
different from being the whole show 
made up of members of the old MeCo: 
who had led from the scene since 
hitting Hang On Sloopy. Johnny and 
playing companions have a decidedly 
complementary effect on one another, а 
shown on Johnny Winter And. Both the 
Ісай play nd the writing are shared 
by Johnny and Rick Derringer and each 
ges his rifls in, but there aren't any 
confrontations. The group. which per- 
forms the haunting Let the Music Play 
and Stevie Winwood's No Time to Live, 
also comes through with some fine origi 
nals, includ Winter's Prodigal Son, 
best yet. 


THEATER 


The Rothschilds i 
cal about the pursuit of money, 
may be exactly what Broadway is 
If you're really interested 
ry banking family—and 


a heart-warming musi- 
which 


its 
ting phetto-to-glory success story 


read Frederic Morton's book, which 
was the basis for this new Jerry Bock- 
Sheldon Harnick musical. In inflating 


the Rothschilds into musical-comedy ma- 
terial. Bock and Harnick, together with 
librettist Sherman Yell have had to 
simplify their business dealings a 
timentalize their home life. The 
fame, fortune and tide now takes two 
acts of chutzpah (plus intermission). The 
Rothschilds bad 
nothing to get excited about. Directed 
with taste by Michael Kidd, it's a pleas- 
ant show with a good story (more than 
one сап say for some star vehicles) and 
it has a first-rate cast, particularly Hal 
Linden and Paul Hecht as Daddy Roth 
child and son with the biggest billing, 
and Keene Curt ty of anta 
nists, At its most realistic, The Rothschilds 
reminds one of 1776. At its most familial 
and ethnic, it reminds one af Bock and 
Hamick’s biggest hit, Fiddler on the 
Roof. In both cases, it reminds one that 
һецег. At the Lunt- 
16th Street. 


se to 


n't 


those shows 


Fontanne, 


Conduct Unbecoming із so resolutely old- 
fashioned that it’s not to be believed, but 


it's so well done that it's entirely believ- 
able. This melodrama about strange do- 
ings in an army camp in India in the 
late 19th Century is all surface, but al- 
most s best 
about it besides its professional polish is 
that it doesn’t pretend to be seriou 
y concocted by Barry England and 
һ dash by Val May, Conduct 
action and atmosphere, lovingly de- 
ed with crisply starched uniforms, 
1 accents. The play is reminis- 
cent of those great British raj movies 
of the Thirties—and the Late, Late Show. 
The swift plot focuses on two new lieu- 
tenants in camp, cach expertly played by 
a rock star, Jeremy Glyde, who looks and 
acts like a young Alec Guinness, is a gen 
cral’s son, a flip, dissolute ne'er-do-well 
who wants to get out of the service at 
any price. When he is accused of assault 
ing a local lady of dubious virtue (Eliza- 
beth Shepherd). he is tried in a kangaroo 
cour. His reluctant but highly diligent 
delender is played by Paul Jones. The 
courtroom throbs with false clues, preg- 
паш pauses, sudden cnuances. This is the 
sort of play in which, à la Kipling, men 
are men and the corps comes ahead of 
everything except. in the last scene, honor. 
Aas end on teasing с 
villain (not the one you th 
lls from offstage for the lamps to be 
turned down before he reveals his identity. 
At die Ethel Barrymore, 243 West 47th 
Street. 


For almost two years, director André 
sregory and six New York University 
drama graduates have been burrowing in- 
to Alice іп Wonderland. Now, out of ate 
bbit hole, they have plucked th 
of achievements: a literary classic trans- 
formed into a stage classic. Gregory is 
remarkably faithful to Lewis Carroll; the 
words are his. But somehow Wonderland 
seems more topsvturvy than ever. The 
Mad Hatter has really blown his mind. 
The Caterpillar is hooked оп his hookah 
and wreathed in a cool opiatic smile. The 
Dormouse is а grinning ninny. Alice her- 
self is inquisitive beyond belief, which 
is what gets her into so much trouble. 
And everyone appears to confuse (if not 
seduce) her. All the parts are played by 
the six brilliant actors, who in rude simple 
costumes, without change, turn them- 
selves into a mad garden of unearthly 
and delightful creatures, One can take 
this Alice on many levels—as a descent 
into the psyche of Alice and of Carroll, 
ment on the world’s confusion 


s a со 
nd Jack of communication, as a Grotow- 
skilike demonstration ol mble dis- 
cipline and artistic agility, or simply as an 
evening of great malevolent fun. One 
descends into Alice like Alice herself, 
down down down into an astonishing 
experience. At the Extension Theater, 
277 Park Avenue South. 


ens 


For Christmas: 
Our SoftPack 


| sd 
SOFT 
WHISKEY 


ЖЕҢ 


Г 


(Peete p 
A 


Some people really know how to give. 


Seagram’s VO. Very smooth. Very special. Very Canadian. 


CANIOUN WHESKY—A BLEND OF SELECTEI 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


П hus be а born loser. Туе been trying 
to date some of the betterdooking girls 
around and getting nowhere, I drive a 
new Porsche and have the latest clothes 
to match it and the money to go places 
with it. Naturally, it bothers me when 1 
see some joker wearing blue jeans and 
ч real Munk with a sharp chick 
sitting next to him. Any suggestions you 
can offer that would help put that girl 
next to me in the driver's seat would be 
ppreciared.—L. F., Phoenix, Arizona 
All you've told us about yourself per- 
tains to your car, your duds and your 
gold. Are you interested іп a girl who 
wants to go dating or shopping? A cata- 
log that might interest young women 
would say something about your per- 
sonality. Its qualilies—ihe ones necessary 
for a rewarding velationship—don’t rust, 
ge out of fashion or cause the fingers to 
turn green, 


Wl girl and I are very fond of Iob- 
sters, but she loses her appetite when she 
sees them boiled live. I've tried to tell 
her that lobsters can't feel pain, but Гус 
yet to convince her. What are the fact? 
—D. С, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 
Canadian biologists claim lobsters have 
no feelings because they don’t have Ihe 
necessary nervous system. The 
chuselts Society for the Prevention of 
Cruelty to Animals, however, suggests 
sonking lobsters first in a mixture of two 
quarts of cold fresh water and one pound 
of salt up to hve minutes prior to boiling; 
supposedly this anesthelizes them. If you 
detect a difference in view between the 
biologists and the M. S. P. С. A., you're 
right; unfortunately, nobodys inter- 
viewed lobsters [or their opinion. Why 
don't you tell your girl not to watch? 


Massa 


Апо my girl is also à casual user of 
pot, she feels that 1 smoke it too much, I 
feel grass does not interfere in any way 
with my work or general routine and I 
can't see that Um overdoing it, On the 
other hand, my girl fears that I am 
developing a psychological dependency 
оп it—as she puts it, she smokes when 
she has a reason to, I smoke when there's 
no reason not to. She tries to be cool 
about it, but every time I roll a joint, 
gets uptight. We love cach other and 
1 would like to cut down for her sake, 
but 1 don't feel motivated to do so: for 
her part, she would like to accept my 
frequent smoking, but seems unable to. 
Have you any advice for two lovers 
caught in a triangle with Maryjanci— 
P. D., Lincoln, Nebraska. 

It's nol the pot, it's the hang-up that 
worries your girl; your conviction that it 
doesn't affect your daily routine is appar- 
ently one that she doesn't share. Why 


nol try giving it up temporarily? At least 
you'll prove that your use of pot is not 
contributing to whatever inadequacies 
she feels you might have. Once she’s 
convinced you're not hooked, perhaps 
she'll quit carping and both you and she 
сап start to work on any real problems 
between you. 


Friends often mention that this or that 
diamond was a “paste” imitation of the 
original. 1 can't imagine it to be a paste 
like library paste, but why is it зо called? 
—B. С., San Diego, California 

Most imitation gems are made from a 
glass composed of silica, lead oxide, po- 
tussium carbonate, borax and arsenic ox- 
ide, along with various pigments; these 
ingredients ave mixed when wet; hence, 
the name paste. The gems, which are 
sofler than ordinary glass (they can be 
scratched), have great brilliance and fire 
and can be cul and polished. 


If the aroma of 
Field & Stream 
doesn’t remind 
you of a great 
autumn day in 
the woods... 


Ham a senior in college and have been 
enjoying sex regul ith a girl whom 
1 love very much. Recently, she said thar 
although she enjoys it, too, her guilt 
about it has been mounting because she 
isn't absolutely certain that she loves me 
and sex without love is unacceptable to 
her, She has asked me to give up sexual 
intercourse while she thinks about the 
love question, but she would like to keep 
the rest of our relationship alive. 1 agreed, 
though I think love without sex is an 
adolescent notion. I don't think she is 
trying to kiss me oll, but is genuinely 
confused about love and love relatio 
ships. Can you help me with any advice 
that might restore a great аЙай?—Ң. L, 
Vancouver, British Columbia. 

It's possible you may have stressed the 
sex part of your relationship to the point 
where she thinks that’s the only way in 
which you value her. Shift your emphasis 
so that she feels you treasure her unique- 
ness as a person. If your life together is 
reasonably full, without sexual inter- 
course, for a reassuring period of time, 
she'll most likely regain confidence in 
herself as a person and realize that sex- 
ual pleasure is an important part of a 
mature, loving relationship. 


you 
forgot 
to 
light 


gree and a Ph.D2—M. С., Minneapolis, it 
Minnesota, I 
Е ө 


AAs a graduning high school senior, 1 
wonder if you could tell me what are the 
most lucrative carcers to aim for in col- 
lege and what the salary differential 
might be, say, between a bachelor's de- 


Holders of a doctorate or a profession- 
al degree can expect carnings that aver- 
age 42 percent higher than those of a 
man who possesses a bachelor’s. When 


choosing your school, bear ЕСТІП 


ы 


PLAYBOY 


52 


New thinking iS. 
The-Handy-Dandy- 


Strai 


¡ght-Out-Of-Hollywood- 


You-Should-Be-Rich-And-Famous- 
Special-Effects-AndTitling-Kit. 


Effects Kitwin @ Ff ә 
Model 379 Movie Camera 


That's right. Special effects and nifty titling 
cards for your own home movies. Out-a- 
sight. Add mood with color filters, use a 
Starburst that spins as your camera zooms, 
get strange line-pattern action. All with 5 
lens adapters. The kit for new Bell & Howell 
cameras may be inexpensive, but results 
are fantastic. 


ІНІ Bette Howe 


those who graduate from a high-ranked 
college cam almost 50 percent more than 
holders of equivalent degrees from low- 
ranked schools. In 1969, salary offers for 
bachelor's-degree candidates in the sci- 
ences averaged $9184; for those їп busi- 
ness, $8212; and for those in the liberal 
arts, $7778. (By comparison, the mini 
mum salary for policemen, who generally 
have no degrees, in cities of a million or 
more avcraged $8591—undoubtedly, the 
increasingly high risks of this job are 
bringing along correspondingly high sal- 
aries.) For the professions, average in- 
come in 1968 for self-employed physicians 
and surgeons was $25,000—a healthy in- 
come, but bear in mind the years they 
spend in college and medical school. 
Median salary for those in the computer 
sciences was $14,100; for those in the 
economic sciences, $15,000; and for those 
in sociology and psychology, 812,000 and 
$13,200, respectively. 


ММ... is the difference between naked 
d nude?—J. P., Cambridge, Massıchu 
сиз. 

Though often used interchangeably, 
naked implies unprotected, as in Shake- 
speare's phrase, “naked to mine ene- 
mies.” Nude means merely undraped, or 
without clothing, as a. nude statue or 


Have you tried Canoe yet? 


No woman likes 
to be kept waiting. 


Canoe by Dana. Made in France for 


COLOGNE + AFTER SHAVE“ SOAP + TAIC » DEODORANT = HAVING FOAM « AND OTHER FINE GROOMING PRODUCTS. 


n who make it everywhere. 


ina nude painting. Perhaps the difference 
in feeling between the two words is best 
summed up in Robert Gravess “The 
Naked and the Nude”: 


For me, the naked and the nude 
(By lexicographers construed 

As synonyms that should express 
The same deficiency of dress 

Or shelter) stand as wide apart 

As love from lies, or truth from art. 


MI, wile and 1 were divorced last year. 
When we broke up, she made me prom- 
ise that we would never date or see each 
other again. That was all fine and good 
then, but now that I'm free, I am mixer- 
able. E want my wife back, but I'm afraid 
that if I ask her, she'll just laugh in my 
face, as 1 was the cause of the divorce. 1 
now realize my mistakes and am willing 
10 correct them. How can 1 convince her 
that I want her Баска С. E, Boson, 
Massachusetts, 

Ask her аш to a casual lunch and, 
while we don't suggest you eat crow, try 
Lo acknowledge your faults and indicate 
a willingness lo correct them. Her spe- 
cific request that you never see each other 
again indicates that she at least felt some 
emotion toward you at the time of the 
divorce—even if it was only anger. 
Indifference would be far more difficult 
to overcome. 


Bin in the Marine Corps. and the beer 
served on post here states "FOR MILITARY 
use окту” on the top or the bottom of 
cach can. Friends have told me that this 


er, while other friends 
say tha "s only 3.2, it has to say so on 
the can. I would like to know wl the 
marking means, because at other duty 
ions the beer cans haven't carried an 
such statement —A. N., Cherry Point, 
North Carolina. 

Beer intended for military use is 
is not taxed and carries the legend 
Military Use Only" to prohibit the sell. 
ing of such berr to the general public. If 
the canned beer sold at your other duty 
stations didn't carry the statement, may- 
be it was specially imported—from off 
the base. 


means. 


Ws of the gilt wich, whom I score 
take the pill, But, occasionally, 1 find one 
who doesn't. In preparation for that 
eventuality, I carry a couple of condoms 
in my wallet. Right now, they've been 
there for over three months and I wonder 
if they will rot before 1 use them—or 
worse yet, while I'm using them. What's 
the shelf life of these handy-dandy little 
devices?—N. L., Little Rock, Arkansas 
Five years if they're. sealed—which is 


probably somewhat longer than the life 
of your wallet. But don't keep them 
ayound too long. You don't know how 
long they've been stacked up in ware- 
houses and on your dealer's shelf. 


V. it truc that there may soon be on the 
market а mass-produced, pollution-lree 
car that oper rigerant?— 
S. D., Chicago, Illinois. 

Datsun reportedly has plans for intro- 
ducing а sieam-driven station wagon in 
future, The engine will be 
powered by Freon, a common. refriger- 
ant, rather than water. Objections to 
H,O—it freezes in cold weather, it re- 
quires high pressure апа superheated 
steam poses a hazard in case of an acci 
dent—are eliminated by the refrigerant, 
which doesn’t freeze, vaporizes at 117 
degrees Fahrenheit and has a high den- 
sity, so it can be handled in small pipes 
and valves. In case of an accident, es- 
caping Freon would cool to its out 
side boiling point—hardly a dangerous 
temperature—almost immediately. The 
engine, invented by Wallace L. Minto, of 
Sarasota, Florida, emus practically по 
oxides of nitrogen, almost no carbon 
monoxide and can be warmed up to a 
working level, from a cold start, їп about 
ten seconds 


сє оп 


the near 


ve had an argument with a friend 
about the value of beauty in а prospec- 
tive wile. He maintains that it's way 
down the list of important attributes and 
І insist it's at the top—that to think 
otherwise is hypocritical. What do you 
think2—M. U., Sacramento, California. 
We suspect that men who place beauty 
high on the list of marital virtues are pri- 
marily concerned with the social status 


movie camera to record 
nice details. 


Filmosound Model 373 
Movie Camera. 


It's the Focus-Matic™ camera. Just push a 
button to get detail-sharp movies effort- 
lessly. Plus a zoom lens, automatic expo- 
sure control. and electric film advance. And 
maybe best of all, it's a Filmosound cam- 
era. So, when you're ready to take home 
movies with sound, you have a camera 
that's ready, too. 


Ê BeweHowe 


Our RTS-40, for example. It’s а 
complete AM/FM/MPX Phono Stereo. 
System prepacked in one carton 


ready to take home, plug in and play. 


Quite frankly, it Sounds as good as 
systems costing twice ас much. The 
amp delivers 50 watts of clean music 
Power, so if you like your Sounds loud 
and clear, you'll have it that way. The 
turntable is our best-selling 


stereo anywhere, 


Not everything 


has to һе expensive. 


Rie SSS 


| BSR (USA) Lte., Blauvelt, N.Y. 10913 


that makes nice sounds 


q Please send me your free full color cet- | 
alog on ESR McDonald Stereo Systems. 


V name 


E р”‏ کے 
І‏ 


[D ————— 


53 


PLAYBOY 


54 


New thinking is... 
ahome movie system 


for 


people who 


like things simple. 


Auto 8 Movie Cassette 
Projector. Model 4657 


We invented 


Here's a system of movie cassettes for 
neat storage and easiest showing of your 
home movies. Plus an automatic projector 
that threads and rewinds, gives you threo 
speeds including super-slow motion, and 
it works with your present standard reels 
and equipment. The Auto 8 Movie Cassette 
System. Suddenly everything's easy. 


[Ж Betts HOWELL 


high fidelity. 


Іп 1937, Avery Fisher introduced the world's first complete 
high-fidelity component system available to the public. That was 
the beginning of the whole high-fidelity movement. 


In 1970, we introduce the world's first compact АМ/ҒМ/ phono stereo 
system with three-way omnidirectional speakers. That means speaker 


placement and listener location are no longer critical for wide-range 


sound with correct stereo perspective. The 
system is called the Fisher 3580, is rated at 100 


watts and costs $399.95. 


In between, there were dozens of other Fisher 
inventions. The first 33 years are the hardest. 
(For a free copy of The Fisher Handbook, 
our 72-page full-color reference guide, write 
Fisher Radio, Dept.112,11-38 45th Road, 
Long Island City, New York,N.Y.11101.) 


Fisher + 


PRICE BUGHTLY HIGHER IN THE FAR WEST... 


that comes with being able to sport a 
stunning mate, А man who maries 
for this reason will generally find that 
his wife is seeking something equiva- 
lent from him—comparable good looks, 
wealth, fame or exceptional talent. If he 
doesn't have an equalizer to offer, he's 
going to feel unequal, so he’s better off 
lowering his beauty quotient. Most men 
realize this and look for other virtues, 
because the qualities that wear well in 
the long run—intelligence, warmth, ctc. 
—relate lo the personality, not to the 
face, One of these important qualities— 
sexual interest—is often lacking in beau- 
tiful women, because they tend to be 
self-centered and unduly smitten by their 
own appearance. They also attract hordes 
of other beauty collectors, which can 
provide an interesting challenge 10 some 
men, but it’s a hell of a handicap to a 
man who's even slightly insecure. There 
may be some wisdom in the old calypso 
ever make a pretty woman your 


ММ... dining at a bufiet or smorgas- 
bord in a public restaurant, where the 
only service that is actually performed by 
the waitress is the serving of beverages 
nd possibly the dessert, what is the prop- 
er tip?—F. R., Cleveland, Ohio. 

Depending on the service, tip at least 
ten percent at lunch, 15 percent at din- 
ner. If she takes away the plates, keeps 
your coflee cup filled. serves you des- 
sert and generally sees that you're well 
taken care of, up the figure another 
five percent. 


For the greater part of my life, I have 
considered myself normal in every re- 
spect. Recently, however, 1 married and 
y wile has asked me several times if all 
penises curve when in the erect state as 

ine docs. Is this normal or am 1 handi- 
capped? It doesn't bother me as lar as 
intercourse goes, but I really wonder just 
how abnormal it һб. J, New Or 
Jeans, Louisiana 

Tt isn't abnormal at all—the bent or 
curved penis is quite common. The сип 
ing occurs because the hollow bodies of 
the penis are not equal in size; during 
tumescence, therefore, when they fill 
with blood, the erect organ frequently 
tends to curve one way or the other, It 
seldom interferes with sexual function- 
ing, as you have observed, and the worst 
thing you can do is worry about it. 


ill reasonable questions—from jash 
ion, food and drink, hi-fi and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and ctiquelte 
—will be personally answered if the 
writer includes a stamped. self-addressed 
envelope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages each month. 


N 


De DUZD S 


METAXA A| 
2” Lo 


METAXA makes five great ways to say: 


Th a nks! Four contain Metaxa's golden Greek Specialty Liqueurs— 
= m Five Star, Seven Star and Grande Fine. Number five, 
Greetin gl our Evzone, has Ouzo by Metaxa, the Man's Drink. б 
© ш Both great spirits make distinctly memorable gifts— 
| ord happily invite reply in kind. 


I Love You! ылыы 


Imported ta the U.S. solely by Austin, Nichols & Co., Inc., New York, N.Y. 


PLAYBOY 


56 


AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, = 
OUT OF THE HAT COMES... ЕР m 
А ! 
N ELEPHANT WAT DS 


YET IT SINGS OF TASTE? 
WHAT TRICKERY 
IS THIS 2 


TASTE IT, 


NOT SING UNTIL THIS 15 DORAL, BALDONI ! 


LATER! THE LOW"TAR" | 
AND NICOTINE 
CIGARETTE . 


BUT THE ELEPHANT DOES NO, BALDONI! | 


ITS NO ILLUSION ! 
DORAL,YOU DO 
TASTE GOOD ! 
à ا‎ с NOW - 
THE ELEPHANT?, 


The filter system you'd need 
a scientist to explain... but 
Doral says it in two words, 

“Taste me” 


with or 
without 
menthol 


15 mg. "tar" 1.0 mg. nicotine 


1970 R.J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CD.. WINSTON-SALEM. I. C. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


an interchange of ideas between reader and editor 
on subjects raised by “the playboy philosophy" 


BLIND JUSTICE 

I recently read in the Los Angeles 
Times about six Idaho teenagers who 
‘were given penitentiary sentences for 
drug offenses. According to the story, 
four of the six were either 16 or 17 years 
Oki and entitled to be tried in juvenile 
court, from which most offenders are 
sent to the Youth ‘Training Center or 
simply put on probation. At the request 
of the prosecutor, however, all six were 
tried and sentenced as adults, They were 
in possession of a variety of drugs, inchud- 
ing LSD, Dexamyl, Dexedrine, Nembu- 
tal, opium, morphine, heroin and cocaine, 
and were declared guilty of “possession 
with intent to sell.” Each of them re- 
ceived a sentence of four or five years in 
prison. The judge is quoted as saying, 
“It is a little unusual to send kids to the 
реп... These kids didn’t figure I would 
throw them in the penitentiary.” 

The Times story then quotes the 
mother of one of the six as follows: 


“All six came from kind of pour 
families; none of us could have 
hired high-priced lawyers. ‘The rich 
people around here get their kids off 
drug charges without even their 
kids’ names getting in the paper. 
"That's what sticks in my craw about 
this whole thing, that they take it 
out on those who aren't well о 


A probation officer is also quoted as 
saying that in two years on the job, 
she has never seen juveniles from rich 
families come before the court on drug 
charges. 


Larry Toomey 
Manhattan Beach, California 


ECONOMICS OF POT 

In addition to the legal and medical 
reasons for abolishing our anti-marijuana 
laws, there are several economic and po- 
litical arguments that I haven't seen in 
PLAYBOY. First, the Government could. 
set an absurdly high tax on pot without 
much complaint from the users, who are 
accustomed to paying inflated prices in 
today's black market (and who would be 
so grateful about not having to fear the 
police that they wouldn't want to protest 
the tax even if they noticed it). Second, 
those parts of the country that have the 
best soil lor growing marijuana are now 
economically backward (eg, Mississippi 
and Louisiana); legalization would give 
these states a much needed economic 


boost. Third, part of the dollar drain to 
Mexico and the Middle East would 
cease; this would help our balance of 
payments. Fourth, a great deal of the 
youth rebellion would be defused: We 
would probably witness a decrease in the 
violent political disturbances that have 
in recent years. (This 
prediction is based on the assumption 
that even one sign of sanity in Washing- 
ton would cool a great deal of the rage 
of those who feel they have never seen 
anything but bigotry and bru 
the Government.) Finally, the policc— 
free of the duty of hunting grassheads 
and less harassed by demonstrations and 
riots—would have more 
power to protect us against thi 
nunderers, 


John Floyd 
Park Ridge, Minois 


ENDING POT PROHIBITION 

As a marijuana-smoking, taxpaying 
disabled veteran, I would like to offer a 
simple solution to the weed conflict. 

Tí all of the users in this country 
would band together and hold а smoke- 
in on the front steps of every state 
capitol, the Government might finally re 
alize that people are going to smoke any- 
way. What could the Government do? 
They're certainly not going to sentence 
10,000,000 or 20,000,000 people to prison. 

Jame and address 
withheld by request) 


BULLETS IN THE HEADS 
Here's some advice for J 

(The Playboy Forum, October) 
shoot every pot smoker you meet in 
Nam. Pretty soon, you might be the only 
American left there. 

Cpl. Charles Tarr 

FPO San Francisco, California 


in 


We, a group of potsmoking GI 
Vietnam, are dismayed that Jim Ki 
brell, the "head-hunter" from Pensacola, 
Florida, wishes to assist the Viet Cong by 
trying to kill his fellow Americans. 

(Names withheld by request) 
APO San Francisco, Calilornia 


PREPARING FOR COMBAT 

As an operations officer іп а combat- 
taining battalion, I take issue with 
the anonymous letter titled "Deserter's 
Friend” in the October Playboy Forum. 
There are no films or lectures in 
basic training that glorify wan The 


3 
Ё 
i 
Е 
$ 
Н 
5 


The True Old-Style Kentucky Bourbon 


57 


PLAYBOY 


58 


indoctrination given to trainees merely 
attempts to explain the Army's mission 
and to orient the new soldier to his role 
within the Army, There are so many 
distorted views circulating these days, 
both on the right and on the left, that 1 
think it is important not to allow this 
error to go uncorrected. 

Incidentally, Jim Kimbrell's letter in 
the same issue also deserves rebuttal, 
Potsmoking soldiers do not necessarily 
endanger the lives of their comrades, and 
Kimbrell’s threat to kill them if he catch- 
es them certainly was not prudent. It is 
hardly the best life-insurance policy to 
put other soldiers on notice that you are 
planning to shoot them if they violate 
your personal standards. 

Raymond E. Garrison, Jr. 
Chiet Warrant Officer 
Fort Campbell, Kentucky 


CRITICIZING THE ARMY 
I was most amused by the letter from 
Staff Sergeant Donald T. Brown (doubt: 
less a pseudonym for Catch-22's author, 
Joseph Heller) in the September Playboy 
Forum. His thesis that people outside of 
the military cannot criticize it becuse 
they are not part of it, and that those 
within cannot criticize it because they are 
part of it, poses a Yosarian kind of 
dilemma, Fortunately—and this is prob- 
ably why Brown is not an officer—he left 
loophole big enough for Milo Minder- 
binder to fly a bomber through. He 
allows the President the right to criticize 
the Services. Since the President happens 
Brown lot revoke our 
right to criticize him. Thus, 
we can criticize the Army by criticizing 
the President, when he does not cri 
what we want criticized. 
Richard К. Gershon, М. D. 
New Haven, Connecticut 


CATCH-15 

After reading Melvin М. Belli's de- 
fense of military justice in the October 
Playboy Forum, Y was filled with a deep 
sense of frustration at his obtuseness. 
The military system of justice is, indeed, 
something to be proud of—diabolically 
proud—especially the benefit of receiv- 
ing nonjudicial punishment under the 
provisions of Article 15, Uniform Code 
of Military Justice, instead of a court- 
martial. 

There are no rules of evidence for an 
Article 15 procecding, It's all a matter of 
the commanding officer's judgment. I 
have seen two good soldiers, one a Viet- 
mam veteran, reduced іп rank simply 
because the senior N. C. О. who preferred 
charges against them, and several other 
N.C Оз, made a number of unprovable 
derogatory statements about. them. 

One hears a great deal about the right 
you have in the Army to legal counsel. 
My buddy sought legal advice about Ar- 
tide 15 and was told to climb a tree. He 
asked me to check it for him and 1 was 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


a survey of events related to issues raised by “the playboy philosophy” 


SMUT MUST GO THROUGH 

new yorK—The Post Office’s most 
cherished burden—hunting smut in the 
U.S. mail—has been partly lified by a 
landmark court decision that permits the 
exchange of pornographic materials by 
first-class mail between consenting adulis 
Jor their personal and private use. In re- 
versing a conviction for mailing obscene 
matter, the U.S. Court of Appeals in 
New York held that “the most fun- 
damental premise of our constitutional 
scheme may be that every adult bears the 
freedom to nurture or neglect his own 
moral and intellectual growth,” and that 
the First Amendment protects “the “соп- 
fidential communication’ between a soli- 
lary viewer and a dirty movie” as well as 
the “right to be let alone with that 
movie.” The ruling stopped short of over- 
turning the 97-year-old Comstock Act, 
which still prohibits the mailing of any- 
thing “obscene, lewd, lascivious, indecent, 
filthy or vile" for commercial purposes. 


ALL THE WAY 

A small but growing number of thea- 
ters and bars in San Francisco, Los Ange- 
les and New York have been jeaturing 
couples performing sexual intercourse 
onstage. 

In 1970, the California supreme court 
ruled that simulated stage performances 
of anything—murdey or sex—are le- 
gally protected by First Amendment 
guarantees of freedom of expression. No 
high court has yet ruled, however, on 
whether or not real sex acis may be 
publicly exhibited. However, San Francis- 
co and Los Angeles police have been 
assuming that the ruling protects any 
performance in a theater; they have left 
theaters alone, but have decided that 
bars with makeshift stages are nonthea- 
ters and have been busting managers 
and performers by the hundreds. 

In New York, livesex performances 
are clearly illegal, but since “exhibition 
halls’ are not subject to city licensing, 
police have no authority to close them 
down. However, they regularly raid the 
shows and arrest performers and opera- 
lors, who usually pay disorderly conduct 
fines and resume operations. 


CLERGY AS COUNSELORS 

Los ANGELES—Religious training may 
be а major cause of adult sexual malad- 
justments, according to psychotherapist 
Dr. Alexander P. Runciman. Blaming 
fundamentalist Protesiantism, strict Ro- 
man Catholicism and orthodox Judaism 
for frequently creating guilt feelings 
resulting in sexual difficulties, Dr. Run- 
ciman described many clergymen as ill- 


equipped to counsel people with sex 
problems. Some members of the clergy, 
the doctor declared, are close to being 
impotent themselves, and such persons 
cannot understand sexual normalcy, much 
less guide anyone else toward it; other 
ministers, he said, ave unaware of their 
own ignorance and give superficial ad- 
vice to people who should properly re- 
ceive prolonged therapy. The effects of 
clergymen's blunders, the psychotherapist 
added, go far beyond the sexual sphere 
itself, for people who cannot function 
sexually often are unable to perform 
satisfactorily іп many other areas of 
human relations. 


HOMOSEXUAL HYPOTHALAMOTOMY 

COPENHAGEN—A West German surgeon 
proposes burning out an arca in the 
hypothalamus of the brain as an effective 
means of treating criminal homosexuals. 
Dr. Fritz D, Rocder, at the International 
Conference on Psychosurgery, stated that 
seven oul of 11 men on whom he has per 
formed this operation—most of them 
convicted of sexual acts with adolescents 
or children—became heterosexual after 
the surgery. Dr. Rocder claimed that this 
might extinguish homosexual behavior 
in 60 to 70 percent of all criminal cases 
and is less harmful than castration, 
which is now imposed on certain types of 
sex criminals in Denmark and Germany, 
Dr, John Money of Johns Hopkins Uni- 
versity told Medical World News that, if 
the operation is as successful as claimed, 
it is probably preferable to placing the 
homosexual offender in the “really hor- 
rendous miseries of our 12th Century 
prison system.” Homosexual spokesman 
Dr. Franklin E. Kameny of the Mattachine 
Society was dubious, saying, “I would 
compare hypothalumotomy to prefrontal 
lobotomy"—anolher brain operation that 
once promised great cures for a variely of 
criminals but was abandoned when it left 
“а lot of vegetables in its wake.” 


FUNNY COINCIDENCE 

Los ANGELES—AS an experiment, UCLA 
sociologist Е. К. Heussenstamm recruited 
five black, five white and five Mexican- 
‘American drivers with no traffic violations 
within a year and asked them to sign 
pledges that they would obey all the rules 
of the road as carefully as possible. Each 
then affixed а Black Panther Party sticker 
to his car bumper. Strangely, within 17 
days all 15 experimental subjects had 
bad driving records—umounting to 33 
summonses handed out by police, with 
fines totaling $500. In a jollow-up study, 
Professor Heussenstamm plans to send out 
a similar team with Panther stickers and 


а comparison team with stickers reading, 
AMERICA—LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT. 


SPLITTING HAIRS 

WASHINGTON, D. C. —The long-hair con- 
troversy that bedevils the military has 
now produced an almost Solomonic deci- 
sion: The Pentagon split the difference, 
allowing soldiers to wear mililary-style 
wigs that hide hippie style hair while on 
duty; the long locks can then hang loose 
on their own time. (Many enlisted men 
have complained that the Army haircut 
turns off girls and interferes with their 
off-duty love lives.) 

A more radical solution was offered by 
retired Colonel Robert В. Rigg, who says 
the Army should be diwided into short- 
haired and long-haired platoons, “Then,” 
says Colonel Rigg, “let them compete as 
identified units on maneuvers, even com- 
bat. . . .” After all, he added, long hair 
is nol new in the Army, as anyone can 
see by looking at a Picture of General 
George А. Custer. 


KILLERS OF THE DREAM 


It is not possible to spend any 
prolonged period visiting public 
school classrooms without being ap- 
palled by the mutilation visible 
everywhere—mutilation of spontane- 
ity, of joy in learning, of pleasure in 
creating, of sense of sell. The public 
schools—those “killers of the dream,” 
to appropriate a ase of Lillian 
Smith's—are the kind of institutions 
опе cannot really dislike until one 
gets to know them well. 


NEW YoRK—The above passage is typical 
of the tone of “Crisis in the Classroom,” 
ап outspoken report on a thrccand- 
a-halfyear investigation of American 
education by a 12-тап commission 
financed by the Carnegie Corporation. 
The report charges, among other things, 
that American schools ате “opp 
“repressive,” “grim,” “joyless” and “ine 
tellectually sterile” Charles Silber- 
man, who direcled the study and wrote 
the summary of the commission's findings, 
added, “When we began, 1 thought the 
severest critics of the schools were over. 
stating things. But now I think they were 
understating them.” Blaming petty rules 
for an atmosphere in which pupils, teach- 
ers and principals mutually fear and dis- 
trust one another until curiosity is entirely 
smothered by caution, the report. con- 
cludes that real education cannot exist 
until the whole system is revamped in a 
humane and libertarian direction. 


ABORTION COMPLICATIONS 

NEW YORK—Much of the benefit of 
New York's state law permitting abor- 
Шоп on request is being lost through 
New York City regulations that forbid 


the operation in doctors’ offices and clin- 
ics lacking certain medical equipment. 
After a survey, The New York Times 
found thet “the road to a hospital 
abortion often included seeming endless 
delays, clerical errors, complicated proce- 
dures, high costs and gratuitous psycholog- 
ical trauma. Faced with such difficulties, 
many women—especially the poor. poorly 
educated, timid, embarrassed, frightened 
and unaggressive—are finding hospital 
abortions impossible to obtain” Con- 
sequently, the new law apparently has 
not reduced the number of unprofessional 
abortions, since city hospitals report ad- 
milting as many women as ever for 
botched operations, and profiteering has 
entered the picture. One private hospital 
cited by the Times charges 5575 for an 

abortion done on an outpatient 
y at another, an overnight stay costs 
30; im both cases, doctors’ fees тип 
$300 to $400. Most doctors believe that 
Ihe situation will be eased only when 
specialized clinics are permitted 10 handle 
simple, carly abortions, with hospitals 
reserved for late-in-pregnancy procedures 
and women who need special treatment. 


IDE DOPE 

Institutions both public and private 
continue to take conflicting positions on 
the use of drugs. 

+ After New Jersey governor William 
Cahill signed a vill drastically reducing 
penalties for possessing small amounts of 
marijuana, the state supreme court went 
even further by issuing guidelines that 
virtually eliminate jail sentences for firs 
time offenders. The governor, whose 
19-year-old son has been arrested twice 
for marijuana possession, һай strongly 
favored the new law and applauded the 
court's “enlightened attitude.” 

* A new Ohio law reduces simple pot 
possession [rom a felony to а misdemean- 
or, thereby lowering the maximum pen- 
alty 10 one year in prison and $1000 fi 

+ In Dallas, Texas, а man found guilty 
of selling 11 marijuana cigarettes was 
sentenced to life imprisonment. 

* The Navy and the Marine Corps 
announced that they expect to have dis 
charged more than 7000 men in 1970 
for drug offenses—mostly involving 
marijuana. 

+ Five insurance companies are already 
making it harder for marijuana smokers 
to get insurance, and others are expected 
10 follow this lead. Those that alrcady 
include questions about pot in their af- 
plications include John Hancock Mutual, 
Prudential, Metropolitan, Occidental Life 
of California and Sun Insurance Com- 
pany, A spokesman for Occidental Life 
said, however, thal use of marijuana іп 
the past would not automatically disquali- 
Jy an applicant and that “each case must 
be individually investigated.” 


told the same thing. After much work, 
he obtained a copy of the relevant 
Army regulation and discovered he could 
request that witnesses be heard in his 
behalf. But it was too late, because he 
had already been tried by the command 
ing officer, a man who had never seen 
him before. It is true that one may ар- 
peal the punishment to the next highest 
command. It is also true that I have nev- 
1d of an appeal succeeding. 

Even so, I say “Right on" to people 
like Belli, Without them, we wouldn't 
have books like Catch-22. 

Sp/5 Eddie С. Morton 
Fort Huachuca, Arizona 


CONCERNED OFFICERS 

The letter helow was sent to the Secre- 
tary of Defense by the San Diego chap 
of the Concerned Officers Mov 
nationwide orga . The opinions 
expressed are not ily those of 
all members of the Concerned Officers 
Movement and are certainly not those 
of the military establishment: 


In any organization of people, the 
most essential element is commu- 
nication. Without this precious in- 
gredient, even the most powerful 
groups decay... . This letter is be 
ing submitted in the interest of hoi 
est, sincere communication. 

As commissioned officers, we feel 
it is our duty to express our concern 
pri 
in We all le 
grave error has been made. This 
war's devastating effects on our soci 
ety, and on the people of Indochi 
cannot be justified. We feel that our 
t slow withdrawal is only cre- 
ting needless loss of life. We know 
t an orderly and safe recall is 
possible at a much faster 
rate... We strongly feel that our 
country should ke 
and withdraw E 

We are not revolutionaries or an- 
Many of us have served 
y in Vietnam. We are con- 
cerned officers; officers who believe 
that democratic society it is 
unjust if millions of citizens are de- 
nied their rights under the Constitu 
tion. We feel d nnel 
must have the freedom to dissent in 
a responsible manner, without fear 
of reprisal or harassment. 


` 


(Signed by 29 officer: 
San Dicgo, Califo: 


MILITARY DEMOCRACY 

As а black American serving in the 
military, I have read avidly your articles 
and your readers’ letters about the 
Armed Forces. Two injustices are not 
commented upon nearly enough: the seg- 
regation that still exists in the military 
and the poverty of the lower r. 


59 


PLAYBOY 


60 


PJ. goes anywhere. With anybody. 
A real sport, P. J. Its the bright whiskey that a 
М mixes well With water. With mixers. i 
With friends. The smooth, subtle taste thats 


Just right for any occasion. 


/ Make a new friend. Meet P. J. tonight. 


PJ. is Paul Jones. And smooth. 


Blended Whiskey, BO Proof, 72%% Grain Neutral Spirits, Paul Jones Distilling Co., Louisville, Kentucky. 


of course, officially 
forbidden, but the segregation of plush 
officers’ quarters from the grim barracks 
of the enlisted men is as undemocratic 
and medieval as any overtly racial dis- 
mination could be. An enlisted man 
is expected to give his life for his 
country, but the country asks him to live 
substandard housing while the officers 
dwell in comparative affluence. As for the 
ies of the lower ranks: Any enlisted 
п with a family to support is neces 
sarily living below the poverty level. 

I thought we were in the military to 
fight for democracy, but it looks more 
like we're supporting some kind of aris- 
тосғасу that, n life, died out at 
the end of the Middle A 

A/IC Nicholas Toodle 
Robins AFB, Geor 


THE MILITARY MIND 

One of the worst things about the 
U. S. Armed Forces is the way the officers 
and noncoms conduct themselves like t 
gods, as if the feudal system were still in 
force and democracy were not yet invent- 
ed. A small but telling example of th 
obsolescent thinking is an item from 
an information bulletin disseminated 
aboard the U, S. S. Bon Homme Richard. 
Officers and high-ranking noncoms are 
told that not only do they have the 
privilege of going to the head of any line 
on the ship but that they should always 
exercise this privilege—thus 
iencing the lower ranks—whether or not 
they are in a hurry. The reasoning is а 
priceless specimen of stupid hauteur: 
“This privilege is traditionally granted 
assuming the more senior personnel have 
тоге important things to do than waste 
th п lines.” 

(Name withheld by request) 
U.S. S. Bon Homme Richard 

PO San F isco, California 


inconven- 


LICENSED NUDITY | 

It was discouraging to read in the Los 
Angeles Times that Los Angeles County 
is planning an ordinance requiring nud. 
ist colonics and other institutes whose 
activities involve nudity to obtain 1 
censes. Obviously, the 
is to climinate nudist colonies simply by 
refusing to grant them 

It won't be long before these benight 
ed souls will uy to devise a way to 
prevent babies from being born in the 
nude. 


S/Sgi. Stanley W. Fitzpatrick 
Tustin, € 


THE OBSCENITY GAP 

A recent experience has provided me 
with an interesting insight into the ob- 
scenity gap between generations, Our 
publishing house is primarily engaged 
in producing industrial periodicals, but 
ме have launched a humorsatire maga- 
zine, Blast. Since our approach was adult 
and freeswinging, I allowed the exprcs- 


sion “fucked up” to appear in an article. 
There was an immediate upheaval. Some 
senior staff members demanded that 
their names be removed from the mast- 
head, Others stopped speaking to me. 
One typist quit. There were constant 
arguments that we should print the 
expression as “Ecked up.” I prevailed 
only because the publisher had the cour- 
age to support те. 

One night, I went home and read the 
passage to my 14-year-old daughter, а 
bright but not precocious girl. 1t was the 
first time I had used the word in her 
presence and I asked what her reaction 

vas. 

In the calm, matter-of-fact voice that 
teenagers use when instructing parents, 
she said that nobody her age would be 
offended. 

"There's hope for the futu 

Albert J. Form: 
Stamford, Се 


THE MIDI-EVIL 

Doubtless you'll enjoy this ad that was 
placed in The Ann Arbor News by a local 
store called Grahm's: 


We respectfully announce. funer: 
services for the mididress . . . по 
denominational. . . . Burial will be 
next to the Edsel. 

It led an exc 
conceived by designers who failed to 
feel the depth of today's liberated 
woman. 


STREET SCENE 

I agree with Judi Rosenstein, who 
spoke up against the adolescent badinage 
that many American males d at 
women оп the street (The Playboy Fo- 
тит, October). Unlike Judi, Lam а mem- 
ber of women's liberation and wear а 
bra (because, for me, it is more comfort- 
able), but 1, too, have reached the boil- 
ing point 
xl outright 
heither seductive nor cute, When coming 
from strangers, and especially when com- 
ing from strangers in groups—such as 
plastichatted construction workers—these 
е, at best, annoying and, at worst, 


e negligent and even 
woman 


The polic: 
onizing when a 
about such incidents, My breaking point 
came when a fat, 40-year-old ma 
looked like а gorilla, approached me on 
the street and said, “You got it, baby— 
give it to me.” When T told my husband 
about this, he was angry enough to call 
the police. We were told that the police 
could do nothing unless the man uttered 
an actual obscene word. In passing, the 
officer mentioned that several other wom- 
en had complained about similar inci- 
dents at that construction site, so 1 am 
not the only victim. I have changed my 


route to work, now going four blocks out 
of my way, but other women and young 
girls are still being annoyed and some- 
mes badly frightened every day, I'm 
sure, "The male greatly needs to 
mature, 


Bonita J. Re 
Philadelphi 


Pennsylvania 


MEN'S LIBERATION 
The divorcereform movement is 
spawning a new, more radical antimar- 
riage movement, Jed by older males who 
have learned the hard way that contact 
g a legal marriage is giving a woman 
virtual power of attorney over your life 
from then until death releases you. It is 
well-known that an enormous number of 
today fail; but 

failed 


ings: his income is lowered by alimo- 
ny payments; the car, home and other 
property will probably go 10 the wife: 
and he hasn't a chance of getting custody 
of the children. If he falls behind in 
alimony payments, he—alone among 
debtors in America—is still subject to 
debtors’ prison. And all this can happen 
to him, even if his wife has been frigid, 
bitchy, Lesbian, lazy and totally no good 
in every other way throughout the histo- 
ry of the marriage. Why would any man 
in his right mind sign his name to a 
contract such as that? There is plenty of 
free sex lable these days. For those 
who don't like the bother of pursuit, there 
is the prostitute’s pay-asyou-go plan, 
which has no threats against your future 
e The male who retains bachelor- 
hood also retains his wealth, estate, prop- 
erty, stocks, bonds, cash, life insurance, 
assets, car, etc, and avoids ridiculous 
legal fees. Even if hauled into court on 


a paternity suit, the single man fares 
better than the married man being 
divorced: Both may have to pay child 


support, but only the married male has 
10 pay alimony, divorce fees and proper- 
ty settlements, So, why mary? 

The women's liberation movement 
will have performed a notable service if 
its propaganda gets young men to thin! 
ing about who is really exploited and 
who is really enslaved by an American 
mariage contract, There is only one 
answer to that, and men who think about 
it seriously will never marry. 

George F. Doppler 


U.S. Divorce Reform 
Broomall, Pennsylv; 


SEX OR FREEDOM 

Makolm L. Mitchell (The Playboy 
Forum, October) quotes with disapproval 
the slogan, “If it’s sex or freedom, we'll 
take freedom!" and he states that “plac 
ing self-imposed curbs on natural, healthy 
drives is totally selfsdefeating.” He fails 
to realize that as Jong as the double 


61 


PLAYEOY 


62 


standard exists, women will be censured 
by society for doing the same things a 
man does freely. Under the circumstances, 
it is better to forgo sex completely than 
to accept it with strings attached. Priests 
and others who remain celibate may be 
thought deprived, but they are not con- 
sidered or treated as less than equal to 
other men. 

Sex is not the most important aspect 
of life; self-respect and a feeling of being 
as good as anyone else rank highe 
When Mitchell tells women that they 
can't be equal to men unless they in- 
dulge in sex, he is arguing on the same 
low level as the man who yells at fem 

ists, "All you need is a good screw! 
We don't need anything from that sort 
of man. 


Candi L. McGonagle 
North Quincy, Massachusetts 
It's true that the double standard con- 
demns in women the same sexual activity 
it accepts т men. Thats why you and 
other women, as well as men, should 
fight to complete the work of the sexual 
revolution, which has tended to break 
down destructive and artificial sexual 
barriers between male and female. Sex- 
ually, women have greater freedom of 
choice today than ever before in history. 
This includes the freedom to control 
pregnancy with advanced birth-control 
technology, an increasing freedom to 
have an abortion and, most important, 
the freedom to enjoy or reject nonmari- 
tal sex, without fear of censure by socie- 
surely, the battle is far from over, but 
ms to us that feminists who claim 
heterosexuality turns women into objects 
and who advocate celibacy and an in- 
creased hostility toward men are just 
harking back to a puritanism that will re- 
press, not liberate, women. 
o one should say you must “indulge 
in sex” to be equal; but по one should 
suggest, as you do, that a flight from sex 
is the road 10 freedom. 


WOMEN’S LIBERATION 

I would like to add my views to your 
continuing discussion of the women's lib- 
eration movement. I'm a feminine, | 
ly married mother of one adoi 
child; I enjoy being a woman, cooking 
for my husband, sewing, and so forth; 
and I have never wanted to dominate a 
man nor suffered from the delusion that 
replacing the present 99-percent male 
Government with a 99-percent female 
Goyernment would solve all America's 
problems. In short, Im normal. 

Nonetheless, I want to combine mar- 
riage with a career, now that my child is 
old enough to be left with a sitter during 
the day. My experience with the business 
community has been so appalling— 
the discrimination against women so bla- 
tant—that I am as angry as the most 
enraged extremist in the feminist move- 
ment. It is virtually impossible to climb 
out of the clerical staff into the kind of 


administrative position for which my 
education and abilities qualify me. As a 
result, I have left the world of business to 
male domination—I'll let other women, 
younger and more optimistic, fight that 
baule—and I have settled into the usual 
perch of the talented woman: teaching. 
Men who think that the female revolu- 
tion isn’t going to be as bitterly fought 
as the black revolution are gina 
fool's paradise. You can discriminate 
against a group for only so long, then 
the inevitable rebellion. comes. "Those 
who try to maintain the status quo at 
that point might as well tell the tide not 
to rise, as King Canute did: “There is 
no force on earth stronger than an idea 
whose time has come.” And let Morton 
Hunt shake his head as skeptically (Up 
Against the Wall, Male Chauvinist Pig! 


PLAYBOY, May 1970) as he will, the equal- 


ity of the scxcs is, today, such an idea. 
1 don't want my principal to fire me for 
radicalism, so I must remain anonymous; 


this is fitting, since, to most men, women 
nger are still inv 


sible. 
(Name withheld by request) 
East Orange, New Jersey 


and women’s 


ABORTION GOES TO COURT 

Since PLAYBOY advocates repeal of re- 
strictive abortion laws, you may be 
ested in а summary of the cases that 
reached the U.S. Supreme Court in the 
ай of 1970: 

+ U.S. vs. Vuitch is a Government 
appeal from а judge's decision last y 
that the District of Columbia abortion 
law is unconstitutionally vague. The Dis- 
шісі law prohibits any abortion that is 
not necessary to preserve the 
health of the woman. “Health” 


being 
such a vague term, the judge declared 


the law unconstitutional. Only one state, 
арата, has а law like this. 

- McCann vs. Babbitz was an appeal 
by state officials in Wisconsin from the 
sion of three Federal judges that 
consin's abortion law violated а 
woman's right of privacy. "The law i 
question prohibited any abortion that 
was not necessary to save the woman’ 
life, In October, the Supreme Court dis- 
missed the appeal. 

+ Hodgson vs. Randall is an appeal 
by Dr. Jane Hodgson from the decision 
of a Federal court in Minneapolis-St. 
Paul. This case involved a therapeutic 
abortion performed in a hospital alter 


the patient had been exposed to German. 
measles (rubella) in сапу pregnancy. 
Before the abortion, Dr. Hodgson, the 


patient and three other doctors asked for 
a Federal-comt injunction against the 
Minnesota law. When the court refused 
to act in time, the abortion was pei 
formed and the doctor indicted, Even 
after indictment, the Federal court again 
refused to act. This is the firstknown 
prosecution of a physician in the U.S. 


for performing a therapeutic abortion in 
a rubella situation. 

* In the case of Roe vs. Wade, a 
Federal court declared the Texas abor- 
tion law unconstitutional but refused to 
issue an injunction forbidding further 
enforcement of the law. The plaintiffs 
are appealing from denial of the injunc- 
tion. Texas is appealing from the deci- 
sion that the abortion law violates a 
woman's private right to decide whether 
or not to bear children. 

+ Doc vs. Bolton is an appeal from 
the decision of a Federal court in Geor- 
gia declaring that state's abortion law 
partially unconstitutional. While the Wis- 
Minnesota and Texas abortion 
are csscnt 
mits abortions for a wider range of cir- 
cumstances, such as rape, rubella and 
risk to the woman's health. However, all 
abortions in Georgia must be done in ac- 
credited hospitals, although 44.4 percent 
icensed hospitals in Georgia are 
not accredited. Moreover, only residents 
of Georgia are eligible, and а hospital, 
for any reason, шау refuse to permit abor- 
tions within its facilities. The Georgia 
ederal court upheld the re 
quirement, the hospital exemption-for- 
any-reason clause and the requirement 
that abortions be done solely in accredited 
hospitals. The rest of the restrictions 
were declared unconstitutional, 

= Finally, Rosen vs. Louisiana Board 
of Medical Examiners is an appeal from 
the decision of a Federal court in New 
Orleans that divided two to one along 
es to uphold the constitu- 
lity of Louisiana's abortion 
The law prohi ny abortion unless 
continuation of pregnancy is reasonably 
likely to result in the woman's death. 

Ic is difficult to predict the order in 
which the Supreme Court will hear these 
ses, much less the probable outcomes. 
One can only conclude that, at long last, 
the Supreme Court will be required to 
resolve the question of whether or not a 
state has the power to imprison a phy 
cian and his patient for following their 
consciences and refusing to bring chil- 
dren into the world against their will. 
Most courts һауе said the states have по 
such power. 

New York, Hawaii and Alaska have 
said they will no longer keep restrictive 
bortion laws om their statute books. 
The American Medical Association and 
the American College of Obstetricians 


as a medical matter between physiciz 
nd patient. Also, last August, the Com- 
missioners on Uniform State Laws pro- 
posed a second tentative draft of a uni- 
form abortion act for the states. This act 
would impose no restriction on the pri- 
хасу of the physician-patient relationship 
provided the abortion is performed in an 
appropriate medical facility. 

Ultimately, regardless of the actions 


THE 8-TRACK STEREO TAPE CARTRIDGE PLAYER OF YOUR CHOICE 
= : 


YOURS AS A GIFT JUST 
FOR JOINING NOW 


Stereo Tape Club of America. 


"with one year membership and minimum tape purchase, 
six now and оге a month for a year; speakers extra 


PICK ONE FREE X 
NEWEST FINEST SOLID STATE AUTDMATIC 8-TRACK STEREO TAPE CARTRIDGE PLAYERS 
1970 
MODELS 
$75.95 


reg. price 


HOME PLUG-IN SYSTEM 

Pre-amplified model. Plugs in. 
1o your present stereo record 
system. Beautiful walnut grain 
finish. THE PLAYER IS FREE. 
No speakers needed, plays 
through your ovin stereo sys- 
tem. [ check HOME PLUG-IN 

‘coupon. 


$119.95 
reg. price 


COMPLETE HOME SYSTEM 
With built-in amplifier and 2 
deluxe stereo speaker units in 
handsome walnut cabinets, 
THE PLAYER IS FREE. We wi 
bill you only special member’ 
price of $29.95 for speakers. 
check HOME SYSTEM in 


DELUXE AUTO SYSTEM 
Complete with easy instalia- 
tion kit and 2 deluxe flush 
mount speakers (no drilling. 
holes), THE PLAYER 15 FREE 
We will bill ycu only special 
member's price of $11.98 for 
Speakers. C] check AUTO SYS- 

M іп coupon. 


A. AE u 
TAPE CARTRIDGES TO START MEMBERSHIP 
Only Stereo Tape Club gives full selection of all labels, artists, new releases. 


О am BEST oF L] 892014 WORLD oF 
WILSON PICKETT (Atlantic) 6.98 GASH (20 Greats) (Солта) 7.98 
3214 NisToRY oF A 
(Capitol) 27.9 so — CRM AMO. кз 
1318 WHEN YOURE SMILING, O 3330—THE BEATLES 1 È 2 T] 5307—1E BEST or wes 
2. MONTGOMERY, (Verve) -8.98 


Шы се pu 
Sisto gama Шан TNCS ы 
E 3332—SANTANA, (Columbia)..8.98- sk 


GREATEST HITS (heprise) 
1320--А MAN ALONE, Frank DO S319 VE AT THE wai 
O pasê вано OF StS, di 2000, Herbie Mann 


Sinatra (Reprise) — 
) BSI TAKE A LET or ce “ee Atlantic), —À 
jean Merlin (Reprise) 0 O 33SI— DEIA-VU, Crosby, Stills, 1 5920 SWISS MOVEMENT, Les 

1292—FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, Mash & Young (Atlantic) 6.98 McCann, Eddie Harris 

Vikki Carr (Liberty) 1". C) 3358 AIN'T IT FUNKY, James (Atlantic) L5 сте sse 

1938 ENGELBERT, Engeibert Brown (King) O S371. SOUND GREAT, Jimmy 

Hureperdinek (Parrott) О 3961 ALIVEALIVEO! PART 1 Smith (Sunset) зв 
Jose Feliciano (RCA) 


D 
O 3162 PSICHIOCLIC SHACK, 
The Temptations (Cordy) — 
C 3952480, The Jackson Five 


Ч RR: 
1 2164 81000, SWEAT ь TEARS 3, 
Blood, Sweat E Tears 


B 
‘ies чакма, LIVE, Gane 
e бр Sapimes Î & M 


1338 LIVE, 


^ БАГЕТ 
(Capitol) (twir p 


болу tie Yria (vertu вва 
SITE BEST oF RAMSEY 
© is (Chae som 
C) See BITCHES BREW, Miles 
Bait соты) E з, 
SHOW ANO CLASSICAL. 
> aot DR. zNVAGO, Original 
BEI T S AE 
O $309. FUNNY GIRL, Barbra 
‘Streisand, original Sound. 
Tack tiem) 
O шю, ой, 
Srosonay st EA) 
Eo ида 


1244 AlNDROFS KEEP 
FALUN ON MY HEAD, E.) 
Thomas (Scepter) 


rere) 
1308—ТНЕ GOLOEN SOUNS, 
Pop. Various Artists, (Copo) өзе 
O 1348—игатгет NITS, Bcbb; 
Goldsboro (United Artists) 


oe 
SII NORD, Сеп Carte 
E Original Sound Track (Capitol) 6.98 
O 7201- MY FAVORITE CROPIN, 
Yan Gin EA sm 
O SS GÉRSININ RHAPSODY IN 
BLUE, conden reset Gre. 
incon] те 
зэ 01: A SPACE ODYSSEY, 
g Orig. Sound Track (NGN) 5.98 


s% 


И couponremoved write 1 


б 
O gie smt, fen. 1a е (pie 
AGAIN. Doane Warrick 2 
P ГІ 3370—CLOSER ТО HOME, с; Ai 
зе Төп fact 
C) 2398 CRENTEST HITS, Herb” rer Br 
МИНТЕ TEICHER (Suncel) 698 COUNTRY ANO WESTERN 
2322 LET THE SUNSHINE TN] Gen T3 OtETOVEN S GREATEST 
g OM a 07 4317 THE BEST oF Е Hn 
C) 8307. -COWBOTS £ COLORED O тэт "nre UMBRELLAS OF 
warner à 
ROCK ANO FOLK Stren tape cus ot ein 


a 
is Presley (RÚA) C) 3383—АЕТ IT BE, The Beatles 
1—V'LL NEVER FALL IN LOVE ‘Copley 5 = "t 35 
H LES 
Dimension (Liberty) “son C A WOOOSTOCK, Various 
secu [c NN 
Ж care 
fit anter p сайтына n 
is oer E Te 
[00 ам) UE uM ENTM, вой Dye о 
REN ус 
E dius 
ТКЕН айы сг МА d 
E cut Eus 
8321—LIVE АТ SING SING, — 
5 Moms Mübley фону. 5. 
Sn 
nn 


1070 
ipe tha ot aneia 


WHY WE GIVE YOU THE FINEST 
8-TRACK STEREO PLAYER FREE 


We are America's largest all-label, all-artist stereo tape 
cartridge club. We hope to win you over to the newest, 
most advanced, most convenient way to enjoy music in 
your home, car and office — with trouble-free, compact 


ster 


tracks automatically, 


тео tape cartridges that play continuously, switch 
and last practically forever. They 


never scratch, warp or wear out. They never tangle. 
If you like the system, you'll buy your stereo tape car- 


tridges from us. You 


never pay more than regular price. 


You can pick free bonus tapes immediately, without wait- 


ing. 
To 


You can enjoy up to 50% savings, 


guarantee your continuing interest, the equipment 


must be fine enough to give you brilliant high fidelity 


һа 


formance over many years of trouble-free service. 
it's why we give you our STEREOMATIC urit FREE. It's 


premium equipment: The best. We know you will be de- 
lighted. That's why we are willing to send it to you at 


т. 
you 


membership is cancelled. 
ing. To take advantage o! this al 
ШЇ 


по risk or obligation on your part. If you like it, KEEP 


It's yours TREE just for buying stereo tape cartridges 
would want to own eae If not, return it and your 
fou pay nothing and owe noth- 
lous new membership 

T, complete the coupon and mail nov. 


SEND NO MONEY е JUST М. 


Stereo Tape Club of America 
Р.О. Box 520, Gardena, Calif. 90247 

Please enroll me as г member and send the FREE 
ашак -track tape cartridge player checker he- 
Lj HOME SYSTEM (speakers $29.95) 
L] HOME PLUG-IN (no speakers) 
О AUTO SYSTEM (speakers $11.98) 
Also send the 6 stereo tape cartridge albums | am 


buying now to start my membership. (Select 6 from 
Mist, Bunt numbers eich) 


| 
ae] 


I me for these, plus shipping and handling charge. 
1 may pay in 3 monthly installments if I wish. If 1 
net 100% satisilad, 1 may relum player see Гарет 
in 10 days and my membership will be cancelled. | 
one nothing 


Napa ER 
Address 
cy 
Home Phone 


hee. 


Credit References 


Military. Include serial number, military address and 
home address with application. 

Credit card: Charge above order to my credit card. 

Lj BankAmericard С) Master Charge [1 Amer. Express 
erz [-] Diners. club 
MY MAIN MUSICAL INTEREST IS: (check one) 

Û Popular Г) Rock & Folk (Show 8 Classical 
in acdilion to The 6 cartridges I am buying now to 
start my membership, | agree to purchase a cartridge 
а month during the coming year at the regular club 
price, plus postage and handling. (Albums you'll want 
lo buy anyway; thousands to choose from.) 


63 


PLAYBOY 


64 


DO YOUR 
CHAPPED LIPS 
A FLAVOR — 


Sea & Ski Lipsavers also come 
pleasantly unflavored. Suit yourself. They 
all beat the medicine-tasting kind. 


1970 Sea 6 244 Corpos 


lon, Reno, Nevada 89505 


A, 


ЖИП: 
RECORDER 
by ROBERTS 


Record the music 
of your choice 
also enjoy this 
unit as a player 


nas 

Mode! 808D (pictured) 

Recorder/ Player Deck 

Model 808 — Complete system with separate 
matching speakers... $229.95 


The Pro Line 


ROBERTS cs entonces 


taken by a few states, the Supreme Court 
will have the final word. Today, safe 
medical abortions are available for the 
price of a plane ticket to New York or 
London, plus a few hundred dollars. It 
is up to the Supreme Court whether or 
not the same medical weaument will be 
made available to the poor in local hos- 
1 facilities that can be reached by bus 


or 


Roy Lucas, President 

The James Madison 
Constitutio: Law Institute 

New York, New York 


ABORTION COUNSELING 

Recently, The Playboy Forum has 
published letters explaining how to get 
an abortion in New York State, one of 
the three states that have made abortion 
on demand possible. A most informative 
article in the September 28, 1970, issue of 
magazine went into a 
deal of detail on the subject. Titled 
“Legal Abortions: A Progress Report 
the article, by Linda Nessel, reports that 
“women have been encountering tremen- 
dous obstacles in getting abortions. They 
find long waiting lists and prices they 
can't aflord. Hospital personnel may be 
disapproving and even punitive—at one 
hospital, for example, women were asked 
to watch the fetus being destroyed.” 

‘The main problem, however, is sort 
ing out the various possibilities, which 
requires getting in touch with referral 
services. The article lists what it calls 
"а small network of decent services,” 
amily Planning Information 
300 Park Avenue South, (212) 
4: the Women's Abortion Project. 
36 West 22nd Street, (212) 601.9063; 
Clergy and Lay Advocates for Hospital 
Abortion Performance. (212) 951-6911: 
nd the Women's Medical Group, 47 
st 67th Street 
New York has the distinction of being 
the first stare to encounter many new 
social problems and. in this case, it has 
seen a jur 
confusion that arose when the lid was 
taken off abortion. 105 to be hoped that 
pro-abortion groups in other states will 
profit by the New York experience. 

D. Chandler 
New York, New York 


le growth of profitcering and 


FOR PSYCHIATRIC JUSTICE 

I should like to call the attention of 
PLAYEOV'S readers to the establishment 
of a new organization, the American As 
sociation for the Abolition of Involun- 
tary Mental Hospitalization, Inc. The 
паше and 
forth in its platform statement, which I 
herewith quote in full: 


ms of the association атс set 


1. Throughout the entire history 
of psychiatry, involuntary psychia 
interventions, and especially 
untary mental hospitalization, have 
been regarded as ally and 


professionally legitimate proccdures. 
No group of physicians, lawyers or 
social scientists has ever rejected such 
interventions as contrary to elemen- 
lary principles of dignity and liberty 
nd, hence, as morally and. profes 
onally ille The A-ALA.L- 
M.H. does. 

2. It is not in the province of the 
A. A. A. L. M. H. to promote or op- 


timat 


it is undertaken with the in 
formed consent of the client and is 
freely terminable by him. We take 
this position not because we do not 


hold some opinions about what are 
desirable or undesirable psychiatric 
practices but because we wish to fo- 
cus sharply on what we consider the 
most pressing practical issue Пісіп 
the mental-health professions. today: 


y from in 


the separation of volu 
voluntary interventions 

3. It is the aim of the 
А.А.АЛ. М.Н, to distinguish be- 
tween voluntary and involuntary 
psychiatric interven to identify 
psychiatrists (and others active in the 
mental-health field) who limit their 
work 


voluntary interventions as 
opposed to those who limit theirs to 
involuntary interventions (or who 
combine both types of practices); 
and to work toward the abolition of 
involuntary psychiatry. 

4. Membership in the association 
thus offers a means to identify pub- 
lid those persons (in the mental 
health field and outside of it) who 
oppose currently accepted psychiat 
ric and psychological practices rest 
ing on the use of sutte-supported 
force and fraud, 


Thomas S. Szasz, M. D. 

Syracuse, New York 
Dr. Szasz is the author of several books 
dealing with psychiatry and human rights, 
includin The Myth of Mental Illness,” 
Psychiatric Justice" and “The Manu 
facture of Madness as well as many 


articles and reviews, A psychoanalyst by 
profession, he is a professor of psychiatry 
at the State University of New York at 
Syracuse, 


PRISONER'S CORRESPONDENCE 

Recalling the letter fom William 1. 
McDonough published in The Playboy 
Forum nearly two years ago (February 
1969), 1 was interested to come across a 
court decision on McDonough's right to 
correspond with PrAvnov. Patuxent Insti 
tution for Defective Delinquents, where 
McDonough was held, absolutely pro 
hibited his writing to rravmo or its 
representatives or to Dr. Thomas S. 
Szasz. McDonough. sued to have this ban 
lifted, and the U.S. District Coun of 
Maryland dismissed his suit after the 
Patuxent authorities partially relaxed 


utty... 
The gift 
Scotch. 


By tradition, more Americans 
toast the Christmas Season 
with Cutty Sark than 

with any other Scotch. 


They're the Cutty People. 
They’ve made Cutty 
America’s No.1 

gift Scotch. 


Make it a 
Cutty Christmas. 


Cutty People know. 


iz 


7, 


{ 


a=. 


27/77) 


ii 


FT IH 
= 


PLAYBOY 


66 


their ban on correspondence with Dr 
Szasz. McDonough then appealed to the 
U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth 
сий. This court ruled that he does 
have a right to correspond with PLAYBOY, 
as long as the purpose of his letters is 
“to obtain psychiatric, financial and legal 
sistance for his redetermination hear- 
ig." The court ordered that the lower 
's decision be reversed and that 
there be further proceedings “at which 
lence is received and questions of 
credibility resolved.” 

5o. McDonough has won the right to 
seek pLaynoy’s help, it seems; however, 
the appellate court's decision also asserts 
that the institution has the right to 
suppress letters whose purpose is the 
“publication of a critique of the dele 
uve-delinquency law and its implemen- 
Patuxent.” It appears that 
dow to the outside 
rather narrow on 

Edward Johnson 
Washington, D.C. 

In commenting on McDonough's 1969 
letter, erAYnov remarked that the restric 
tions placed on his correspondence by 
Patuxent Institution “severely curtailed 
McDonough’s freedom of expression, al- 
lowing him less liberty than is accorded 
many prisoners serving criminal sen- 
tences.” Even in this partial victory, 
McDonough’s First Amendment. rights 
are excessively limited. Recently, the U.S. 
District Court of Rhode Island heard а 
suit by six inmates whose incoming and 
outgoing тай was being opened by 
Rhode Island Prison officials. Granting 
that there had to be some control over 
incoming mail to prevent the entry of 
materials endangering the security of the 
prison, the court stated flatly: 


world is 


The reading of any outgoing mail 
from inmates is unnecessary and іп 
violation of the First Amendment 
rights of the parties involved unless 
pursuant to a duly obtained search 
warrant, and in the absence of the 
same, mo outgoing prisoner mail 
тау be opened, read or inspected. 


Supposedly, McDonough (who has since 
been released) was incarcerated at an 
institution for defective delinquents for 
humanitarian reasons. How humane is it 
when his right of [ree speech—granted in 
other instances to convicted criminalk— 
сап be suppressed? 


COPING WITH COPS 

When the subject of policcmen’s abuse 
power comes up, someone is sure 
who thinks he’s the 


the offending officer's superioi 
always so? Let me relate an experi 
of mine. 
Having bee 
І often y 


tuming 
to my parents’ home, I was arrested on a 


charge of drunken driving. At the police 
station, I was given the balloon test, the 
result of which was negative. 1 expected 
to be released. since the arresting officer's 
suspicion proved false, but then thc 
officer decided to change the charge from 
drunken driving to speeding. After being 
kept in custody from 1:40 a.m. to 10:30 
Ам. without benefit of one telephone 
call, I was fined 5195 and released. 

I'd have been overjoyed to find a supe- 
rior officer to whom Î could have made a 
complaint. Even some semblance ol a 
hearing on the dubious charges might 
have helped. For me. it seems, there was 
mpathetic superior to lend an car. I 
am black, and that makes me fair game. 

William Warren 
Chester, Pennsylvania 


no 5 


SPIRO'S HEROES 

I read Jerry Mickelson’s lett 
Ohio State University entitled 
field Communique” (The Playboy Forum, 
September) with great interest, since 1 
completed two weeks of active-Reserve 
ту training last summer with a 
group of Ohio National Guardsmen 

Few of the Guardsmen had actually 
participated in controlling riots, but they 
all talked eagerly of the opportunity of 
doing so. Their favorite joke was that the 
score at the end of the first hall wa 
Ohio Guards 4, Кеш State: 0, and. 
that the second half would start soon. 
When trouble does occur again, these 
men will be given live ammunition and 
sent to the scene, 

1 would rather miss a college educ: 
tion than take the risk of being marked 
down in the National Guard’s scorebook 
as one more point for its side. 

Chuck Hussion 
Fairmont, West Vir 


TO END WARS 

Sergeant Daniel F. Ser 
September Playboy Forum, alter de 
ing that he would like to murder those 
who mess around with his flag, tells us, 
"In order to get rid of violence, its 
necessary to use violence.” He is in good 
company with this belief, as this quota- 
tion demonstrates? 


this of mu 
slaughter among men, will be finally 
ted by the progress of human 
iy. and in the not too distant 
future, too. But there is only one 
way to eliminate it and that is to 
oppose war with war. 


‘Those words were written by that well 

known patriot Chairman Mao Tsetung 
Philip W. Roth 

Rotterdam, Netherlands 


MESSAGE FOR YOUTH 

А litle more than a year ago. PLAYnOY 
published my leuer оп how American 
mothers serve their country (The Playboy 


orum, September 1969). Now T have а 
ge for the youth of America: 
Objections have been raised by your 
ion to everything from bei 
born to having olives in cream cheese. 
You have marched, riots. de 
stroyed property and even left home. I 
would like to give you, the American 
youth, something to hash over among 
yourselves: IE you were a Communist. 
how would you take over the United 
States 

Communism, as I know it, is a ereepit 
crawling cancer. It has taken over most 
of Europe and Asia by moving into a 
country with tanks and armored cars, un 
til it has swallowed up the people, But 
you cinnot take over a God-learing 
country like America with tanks and 
armored cus. However, I do have а plan 
that I would use if L wanted to take over 
this great country. 

First, I would take the Word of God 
out of the schools. Why? Because this 
country was built on the Word of God 
Then, I would flood the county 
pills to be given to the school children: 
for if I could warp their minds carly 
enough. it would be a simple thing to 
mold them any way I wanted when they 
were older. Then. I would sit back and 
wait. The generation of warped minds 
and corrupt morals that would emerge 
from all the goodies 1 had given them 
would fall casy prey to my Communist 
way of life. 
Think it охе 


young people. We, the 


older generation, the ones you have no 


ime for, have kept this democracy to- 
gether for close to 200 years. WI 
chance will your generation have of 
holding it for 200 more? 

Mrs. Thon 


as Hickey 
Pennsylv 


CONNED CONSERVATIVES 

American conservatives have recently 
had both legs pulled. Two hoaxes have 
appeared im the past couple of y 
purporting to support the conservative 
cause: a claim that the peace symbol is 
really a Satanist sign and a document 


called the "Communist Rules for Revolu 
Both are fabrications. E have no 


thy for violence-prone activists and 
ar Communist totalitarianism, but I 
must say it does sincere, thoughtful con- 
servatives no credit to seize onto such 
sensational material without checking its 
authenticity. 

The modern peace symbol was de- 
signed in the Fifties by the British Com- 
mittee for Nuclear Disarmament, 
there is no evidence whatever lin! 
this group's usc of the symbol to any 
previous uses 
bol stands for all 
It is worn by too many dif 
ls of people to identify it with 
ne group or doctr 
As for the “Communist Rules for 


What's the word on 
New Kent Menthol? 


Refreshing taste. Micronite Filter. Kent got it all е 


PLAYBOY 


68 


Revolution,” it is so pat, so timely, so 
agrecable to conservative sentiment that 1 
can well imagine the glee of many who 
read it. 1 can almost hear them shouting 


joyfully, “See, I told you so! The Commu- 
nists аге to blame for everything I don't 
like—sex, strikes, riots, disagreements, 
athletics and gun control. And if you like 


the things I don't like, then you're help- 
ing the Commies!” What an easy trap to 
fall into! And it is a trap. Serious in- 
cluding the FBI, have de- 
nounced the “Rules” as a fake. 

Let's not be so ready to accept as fact 
anything that happens to back up our per 
sonal preferences. Using unproved allega- 
tions alienates intelligent people just when 
all of us should be working together. 

The Rev. Dr. M.S. Medley 
Texarkana, Texas 


L'ETAT C'EST MOI 

President Nixon's method of “bringing 
us together" is now becoming obvious. 
First of all, the silent majority by itself is 
not suficient; he must also have a silent 
minority. We, therefore, have the first 
step in Nixonian mathematics: 


Unity = Silent М 
Minority 


ority + Silent 


Furthermore, Congress, the Supreme 
Court and the other "checks апа bal- 
ances” on the power of the Executive 
must become mere rubber stamps, 
that President Nixon can “bear his full 
responsibility” as Commander in Chief. 
‘Thus, the elusive national unity being 
sought can be found only when Mr. 
Nixon acts entirely on his own with no 
erference from other branches of the 
Government. This yields the second 
equation: 


nity = Richard M. Nixon 


Mindful of the simple axiom that 
things equal to the same thing are еш 
to cach other, we may now substitute a 
single equation for the two above: 


Richard М. Nixon =Silent Majority 
+ Silent Minority 


We thus arrive at the classic position 
of Louis XIV: “The Sune is Ме 
(L'état. c'est moor W. S. Gilbert's 
more jocular, "I am the crew and the 
captai Beautiful; that's рше 
unity on both the material and the meta- 
physical levels. Any resemblance to the 
American constitutional form of govern- 
ment or the democratic process, however, 
is purely unintentional and strictly о 
cidental. 


Harold A. Cannold 
Brooklyn, New York 


THE OPPRESSIVE MAJORITY 

One reads and hears the term silent 
majority so often as to be driven into 
screaming fits. This phrase, whereby 
President Nixon claims that most people 


support his policies, is just the latest 
cxample of the American tendency to 
claim that one is right simply because 
onc is in the majority. A couple of years 
ago, advocates of long hair, rock music, 
liberal drug taking, sexual freedom and 
тай aiming that in a 
few years, the majority of the population 
would be under 25 years of age. Census 
Bureau statisticians, incidentally, declare 
that this never was so, and will not be so 
in the foreseeable future; but what con- 
cerns me is the naive assumption that 
when young people became a majority 
of the population, sex, drugs and rebel- 
lion would automatically be legitimated. 

Men such as Thomas Jefferson who 
based the American system of government 
on majority rule were not so naive, 1 
think, as to imagine that the majority is 
ically good or гіңіш or just. They 
were simply working on the assumption 
that the most stable system of govern- 
ment is the one that satisfies the greatest 
number of people. But the beliefs, atti- 
tudes and policies of majorities с 
be stupid, unfair and tyrannic 
discoveries of truth are made by ini 
uals and small groups of men. It is often 
a long time before the majority finds out 
about them. 

It is for that reason, because the ma- 
jority is often wrong, that claims hy 
people that they have a majority on their 
side should be considered in perspective, 
and our eystem of government should 
make the maximizing of individual liberty 
rather than the strengthening of ma- 
jority rule—its cardinal guideline. 

David Brows 
St. Louis, Missouri 


PLANNED CHAOS 

In a fall issue of Newsweek, Attorney 
General John Mitchell is quoted as say- 
ing that а national commission on mari- 
na will tu “sufficient negative 


the present eflorts tow 
When asked what he would do if the 
commission found that no such negative 
evidence exists, Mitchell терісі he 
would oppose changing the law anyway. 
In other words, the Government will 
seek facts to justify its policies, but 
such facts cannot be found, the policies 
will still continue. The theory behind 
the та na law is that the Govern- 
ment locks people in jail to protect them 
from harming themselves with this weed; 
but if the weed is harmless, the Govern- 
ment will still throw the users in jail, 
even though it no longer has a reason foi 
doing so. 

Such mental processes bring to mind a 
statement made by Ludwig von Mises in 
his book Planned Chaos: “Liberty can be 
realized only within an established state 
ready 10 prevent ngster from killing 
and robbing his weaker fellows. But it is 
the rule of law alone that hinders the 
rulers from tuming themselves into the 


worst gangsters” Mitchell, while еп- 
forcing the leiter of the law, has aban- 
doned the rule of law, philosophically. 
How long soever it hath continued, if it 
be against reason, it is of no force in 
law” (Commentary upon Littleton, by 
Edward Coke). By stating that he will 
ignore reason if reason contradicts his 
personal prejudices, Mitchell turns the 
enforcement agencies of the Govern 
ment into the “worst gangsters,” as Von 
Mises described the worst because there 
is no rational natural law to which we 
can appeal when codified law itself is 
capricious, 


George Morrone 
Philadelphia, Pennsylva 


THE PROPHET 

When I awoke this morning, 
newspaper told 
ministration's negative reaction to the 
Commission on Obscenity and Pornog- 
raphy. This reminded me of the ability 
to ignore facts that contradict one’s be- 
liels, as described іп George Orwell's book 
1984. A few pages farther in the news 
paper, to my surprise, 1 found a writer in 
the letters column who used Orwell's word. 
“doublethink” to describe pro ABM ar- 
guments. When I opened the September 
issue of your magazine, there was yet 
another reference. Robert Wicker's 
Playboy Forum letter—this time compar- 
ing women's liberation extremists to Oi 
well's anti-scx league. 

Obviously, the world is coming to re- 
semble Orwell's fantasy more and more. 
Recent wiretapping legislation and the 
posthumous character assassination of 
Dr. Martin Luther King. Jr. could have 
come right out of 1984. The seemingly 
interminable Indochina war and espe- 
cially the ill-defined enemy have exact 
parallels in Orwell. So has the emergency 
"warning system that enables the Presi 
dent to take control of the radio, TV 
and telephone systems. The rapidly de- 
teriorating quality of consumer goods 
brings to mind Orwell's Victory C 
reits and Victory Gin. Spiro Agnew's 
repeated attacks оп the press, the savage 
repression of campus demonstrations, the 
Army's computer files on political activ- 
s, the canvassing of libraries to collect 
names of people who read the wrong 
books. . . the list goes on and on 

George Orwell may go down in his 
tory as the greatest political prophet of 
the 20th Century, if any copies of his 
hooks survive the age of Big Brothe 

Robert S. Boston 
Ames, 10 


the 
ıe about the Nixon Ad- 


TAXATION AND ROBBERY 

Do you recall Winston Smith in 
ge Orwell's 198/—the fellow you 
е in, the one you thought was 
going to get it together and get it on? 
And remember how you felt when you 


Every Man wants Success... 


by Day...and by Night 


So we've created ascent for each. 


Available in After Shave, Cologne, Gift Sets and other fine products. At leading department stores. 


© COTY, NY 1970 


PLAYBOY 


70 


found out that Big Brother was just 
allowing him to walk around on the end 
of a string because he knew that, alas, 
every man has his limit and Winston's 
limit was his fear of rats? Remember? 
And remember how lousy you felt when 
you found out that Winston just 
couldn't stand up to those rats and was 
going to cave in and say just what Big 
Brother wanted? 

I remember. And I remember how 
brave rLavboy usually sounds. 

When Jerry Emanuclson's letter ap- 
peared in the September Playboy Forum, 
I was sure you'd take the opportunity to 
join him in declaring an absolutely lib- 
ertarian position against coercion and 
robbery (government and taxation) . But 
then I read your frightened little answer 
and I knew that, just as Winston Smith 
feared PrAvBoY fears the Internal 
Revenue Service. 

Well, much happiness to you as you 
run around on the end of your platinum 
suing declaiming against racism and war 
and poverty and all those other major in- 
justices. Now, publish this and give me an 
answer in those groovy, self-righteous ital- 
ics. It would be a gas to see your Pledge 
of Allegiance to the IRS a second time. 

James Patterson 
Los Angeles, C 


lifornia 


In your reply to Jerry Emanuelson's 
letter. yon argue th: xation is a form 
of dues” and that it is not, strictly speak- 
ng, based on force, since “taxes are only 
collected from those who voluntarily 
“join the club.” You add that “anyone 
who finds the rewards of citizenship not 
worth the ‘dues’ (taxes) remains free to 
emigrate. . . ." By the same reasoning, 
would it not be consistent to say that 
anyone who fi i 
abortion laws to be too high a price to 
pay for citizenship is free to emigrate? 
How, then, does your argument differ 
from that of the bumper sticker that says 
AMERICA—LOVE IT OR LEAVE П? По we 
not have a third choice—namely, to stay 
here and wy to correct such injustices 
as the invasion of our sexual liberty and 
the robbery of our bank accounts through 
taxation? Like the anti-sex and an 
abortion laws, taxation is a violation of 
a right—in this case, the right to one's 
property. Emigration is beside the poi 
a violation of rights must be fought until 


abolished. 


Robert Poole, Jr. 
Santa Barbara, California 


In 1870, Lysander Spooner wrote an 
essay entitled No Treason: The Consti- 
tution of No Authority, in which he dem- 
onstrated that the Government does not 
rest on consent. Spooner explained that 
those calling themselves the Government 
say to the tax collector, in effect: 


B and say 
he Government” has 


= Goto A 
to him that “ 


need of money to meet the expenses 
of protecting him and his property. 
If he presumes to say that he has 
never contracted with us to protect 
him, and that he wants none of our 


protection, say to him that that is 


our business and not his; that we 
choose to protect him, whether he 
desires us to do so or not; and that 
we demand pay, too, for protecting 
him. If he dares to inquire who the 
individuals are, who һауе thus taken 
upon themselves the «Ше of “the 
Government,” and who assume to 


protect him, and demand payment 


of him, without his having ever 
made any contract with them, say to 
1. too, is our business, 
and hat we do not choose to 
make ourselves individually known 
to him; that we have secretly (by 
sceret ballot) appointed you our 
agent to give him notice of our 
demands and, if he complies with 
them, to give him, in our name, a 
receipt that will protect him against 
any sim demand for the present 
year. If he refuses to comply, seize 
and sell enough of his property to 
рау not only our demands, but all 
vour own expenses and trouble be- 
sides. If he resists the scizure of his 
property, call upon the bystanders 
to help you (doubtless some of them 
will prove to be members of our 
band) . If, in defending his property, 
he should kill any of our band who 
are assisting you, capture him at all 
hazards; charge him (in one of our 
courts) with murder; convict him, 
and hang him. If he should call 
upon his neighbors or any others 
who, like him, may be disposed to 
resist our demands, and they should 
come in large numbers to his assis 
ance, cry out that they are all rebels 
and traitors; that “our country” is in 
danger; call upon the commander of 
our red murderers; tell him to 
quell the rebellion and "save the 
country,” cost what it may. Tell him 
to kill all who resist, though they 
should be hundreds of thousands; 
and thus strike terror into all others 
similarly disposed. See that the work 
of murder is thoroughly done, that 
we may have no further trouble of 
this kind hereafter, When these trai- 
tors shall have thus been t: 
strength and our dcien 
they will be good loyal citizens for 
many years, and pay their taxes 
without a why or a wherefore. 


If government were a voluntary organ- 
ба t would be possible for a man to 
give notice that he no longer cares to 
avail himself of government services or 
pay government fees and then to have 
no fears of being forcibly evicted from 
his own property. Government does not 


rest on consent. Anyone who says that 
taxation is morally right while, at the 
same time, contending that “no person 
has the right to initiate the use of force 
against the body or property of another” 
contradicts himself. 
Jerry Emanuelson 
Colorado Springs, Colorado 
We did not suggest that anyone leave 
the country if he doesn't like taxation— 
although we pointed out that in fact, the 
option to leave is available. Comparing 
taxation to anti-abortion laws is compar- 
ing oranges to upples. A government can 
exist without sumptuary laws concerning 
the sexual behavior or the choice of 
intoxicant of its citizens (and there is no 
justification, other than religious dogma, 
for such mediling legislation). But а 
government, like a church or private 
detective agency, cannot exist without 
revenue, tithe or some form of tax ren- 
dered by the clients who wse its services. 
The libertarian science-fiction writer 
Robert A. Heinlein created. a slogan: 
TANSTAAFL, which means There Ain't 
No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. Some- 
body pays for a [ree-Iunch program even 
if the people who eat it do not, and 
somebody pays for the roads on which 
we all drive and the parks in which we 
relax. Few people object to being taxed 
for such necessities, though an income 
levy seems especially disagrecable when a 
large proportion of it is used, as now. to 
support an unpopular war. Nonetheless, 
until borders are closed and citizens can- 
not abandon citizenship, they are not be- 
ing robbed when asked lo pay their share 
of the Government's expenditures. Of 
course, they are free to organize, write lel- 
ters and agitale in various ways to stop 
those Government expenses thal they con- 
sider immoral, wasteful or unjust. They 
may also make propaganda for alternative 
forms of taxation, such as voluntary con- 
tribution in return for Government seru- 
ices or the hidden tax of the national 
lottery, as urged by some disciples of 
Аул Rand. The latter appears more just 
оп the surface, because it is not based on 
force. But, unfortunately, this type of 
tithe falls on the most gullible and igno- 
rant—who ore also usually the poor— 
and is thus ultimately fraudulent. Not 
until goods and commodities come out 
of the air like the gifts of the genie in 
“Thief of Baghdad" will the Govern- 
ment be able to operate without collect- 
ing revenue. 


"The Playboy Forum" offers the 
opportunity for an extended dialog be- 
tween readers and editors of this pub- 
lication on subjects and issues raised 
in Hugh М. Hefners editorial series, 
“The Playboy Philosophy.” Address all 
correspondence to The Playboy Forum, 
Playboy Building, 919 North Michi- 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 


А 
GOOD МАМ 
DESERVES 
BEAUTIFUL 
DATES 


ON SALE AT YOUR 
NEWSSTAND T 


Wall and Desk Calendar 
де 


PLAYROY 


Wall Cal. Bi" x 1252" Desk Cal. 5%" x7%" 


Th: Dazzling Dozen 


bz ^ 


Jill Taylor 


AER Y ¿NE ж 4 
Majken Haugedal Shay Knuth Jean Bell Britt Fredriksen Claudia Jennings 
month after month of the most popular Playmates who ever graced a gatefold 


Gloria Root 


» 


1 Scotch 
aq дш LN 


чь 
ы L1»; 


i ЕН ok 


PROoucT or 5сотьйН? 


~ 4 
ingle Eells 


J&B Rare pours more pleasure. 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: MAE WEST 


а candid conversation with the indestructible queen of vamp and camp 


Twenty-eight ago, Mae West 
completed her tenth and then-final film 
—vigh of them for Paramount Pictures, 
which she had suved from mendicancy 
during the Depression years, when she 
was the greatest phenomenon in show 
business, as Mae would be the first to tell 
you. Along with Garbo and Shirley Tem- 
ple, she was the hottest box-office draw in 
the land and probably the best-known, 
most photographed person on earth. “1 
was better known than Einstein, Shaw or 
Picasso,” she modestly admis. She was 
also the world’s highest-paid and most 
quoted entertainer, historical monument 
and prepolent image of ribald sex— 
which she had shown the world was 
inherently hilarious. 

Princeton scientists designed a magnet 
in the shape of her torso. The Department 
Of the Interior tried 10 name twin lakes 
after her but was hooted down by the 
bluenoses. A twin-diesel engine 
named for her on the Super Chief. Author 
Hugh Walpole applauded her mockery of 
“the fraying morals and manners of a 
dreary world.” Critic George Jean Nathan 
valled her “the State of Libido." The Da 
kota Indians made her a tribe member 
as Princess She-Who-Mountains-in nt. 
Salvador Dali designed a sofa of red silk 
from an enlarged photograph of Mae's 
lips. And during World War Two, 
R.A.F. fliers named an appropriately 
pneumatic life jacket after her, thus 
immortalizing Mae in “Webster's?” 

By 1943, however, she had dimmed to 
а faint ember of the old flame—or so it 
seemed, Her final movie, “The Heat's 


"ars 


was 


“1 don't remember how many lovers Pue 
had, there were so many. I was never in- 
terested in the score, though—only the 
game. Like my line, ‘It’s not the men in my 
life that counts but the life in my men.” 


On,” was a dreary failure; even Mae 
didn't like il, and Mae likes almost 
everything that features Mae. When crit- 
ics wrote that “ihe heat is definitely off,” 
she turned her impresswe (107) bosom 
away from Hollywood and flounced back 
to the stage that had spawned her brazen 
swagger, adenoidal drawl and outrageous 
doublc-entendres, 

Gamely and irrepressibly, she opened 
on Broadway in a lubricous mediocrity 
called “Catherine Was Great,” which she 
had written for herself years before. The 
critics lambasted the play; John Chap 
man wrote: “Pm afraid its going lo be a 
bust, which will sive Miss West one 
more than she needs.” But a new gencra- 
tion of audiences had come along since 
Mae’s stage triumphs о) the Twenties 
and they wanted to see her. They went 
іп droves, less aroused, perhaps, than 
curious. “Like Chinatown and Grant's 
Tomb,” wrote one critic, “Mac West 
should be seen at least once.” And after 
each performance, she captivated them 
with a tart little сина speech: “Cather- 
ine was a great empress. She also had 300 
lovers. E did the best 1 could in и couple 
of hous’—she had successfully knocked 
Off 14 suitors in a mere three acts. 

Tt was art imitating life. In the course 
of her long, much-Publicized and con- 
tinuing love life, Mae had democratically 
—and inexhaustibly—befriended business- 
men, lawyers, politicians, tenors, judges, 
Mexican wrestlers, French importers, 
Malian leading men and chorus boys. 
Mae was still going strong—on stage and 
off—at 56, when she resurrected “Dia 


“Pm never dirty, dear. I'm interestin’ 
without bein’ vulgar. I have—taste. 1 kid 
1 was born with sophistication and 


appeal, but I'm never vulgar, and 
1 don't like obscenity. I just—suggest.” 


mond Lil" (fast produced in 1928) as the 
starring vehicle for still another come 
back, “After all,” said Мас, "I'm her and 
she’s me and we've each other. Lil and I, 
in my various characterizations, climbed 
the ladder of success, wrong by wrong." 
In London, she was feted by royalty 
(Hell, Рт royalty, 100”) and ctérnal- 
zed in wax at Madame Tussaud's. 

By the mid-Fifties, however, Mae be- 
gan lo seem something of a wax figurine 
herself—to everyone but Mae. Looking 
around for new conquests, she surround. 
ed herself with an entourage of loin- 
clothed muscle men and for three years 
proceeded to break night-club records all 
over the country, Asked if she realized 
how much she was doing to belittle the 
male, Mac seemed. baffled for a second 
and then answered in her fashion: “It's 
my personality and it’s unique. Рт the 
regal, dignified type. That's not a posture 
you learn in school, dear. It's the way 
you look at the world.” From the day 
she fost appeared on stage at an Elks 
Club show in her native Brooklyn at the 
age of seven and literally screamed for the 
spotlight, Mae had looked at the world 
as if it had been created just for her; and 
at 60, she saw no reason to change her 
mind. 

There were a few TV appearances in 
the early Sixties—most notably, her show- 
Stealing Oscar turn with Rock Hudson— 
several rock'n'roll albums, a couple of 
movie offers that she spurned because 
“they were wrong for my personality,” a 
surprisingly circumspect autobiography 
(which now retails for $15.95 in шсапе 


"Tue liked the boys for as long as I can re- 
member. When I was 12, I'd have about 
six of 'em around me and we'd kiss and I'd 
play with their—umm, you know. But I 
didn't know I had this sex personality” 


73 


PLAYBOY 


74 


bookshops); but Mae's vaffish hussy image 
gradually drifted into a kind of silly soft 
focus and nobody cared much anymore. 
Mae herself was too rich and too self- 
possessed to care, cither, especially since 
muscular young men still came up to see 
her somelimes—and to sample her beldam 
favors in the boudoir. 

Rumors of her professional demise, 
however, still premature, Taste 
makers of the Sixties saw Мас as a deli- 
cious example of pop arl and began to 
call her the queen of camp—an old 
word that found new meaning when the 
dead or superannuated darlings of the 
Twenties and Thirties became the prop- 
erty of pop posters and late-night telewi- 
sion. Mac West film festivals swept the 
land. When “I'm No Angel” and “She 
Done Him Wrong” (the film version of 
"Lil"j were donble-billed іп Los Angeles, 
they outpulled all other pictures then іп 
release from Universal, which now owns 
her old celluloid. And in two recent per- 
sonal appearances—one at the Academy 
Award Theater in Hollywood, the other 
at USC's highly regarded cinema fraternity 
Мас got tumultuous standing ovations. 

Nowadays, the grandchildren of her 
first Jans jom her burgeoning interna- 
tional fan club, titer at her old flick: 
write her gushy love letters, send her 
roses by the truckload, collect such West- 
lana as I culouls—and even give 
her diamonds, Mae's longtime trademark. 
Whole football teams зімі her home with 
a frequeney that distresses their coaches 
And Mac West jokes are іп again (eg, 
Mae on phone to Chinese laundry 
“Where the hell is my laundry? Get it 
over here right away.” Chinaman on ar- 
rival: “I come lickety-split, Miss West” 
Mae: "Never mind that. Just gimme the 
laundry.”). 

To cap it all, as everyone knows by 
now, Mac has returned to the screen in 
living offcolor—as a man-cating actors 
agent in Gore Vidal's fetid garden of 
sexual reverses, “Myra Breckinridge,” At- 
tending the Manhatian premiere, she 
was mobbed by 2000 unglued fans, At 
78, she gets Төр billing and roughly 
$500,000, still thinks of herself as sex 
queen regnant (“Glamorwise, l'm the 
greatest. (hing since Valentino”) and 
scorus the sharper curves of her costar, 
Raquel Welch, to whom she refers simply 
as “the other woman.” 

Paradoxically—since she mostly bur- 
lesques sex rather than makes it desi 
able—Mae is real and Raquel is not, to 
many soho know them both. “Mae is as 
strong as steel, loves sex, knows it’s good 
and makes no bones about it.” says 
"Myra" director Michael Sarne. “She is 
disciplined both physically and mentally. 
She does what's good for Mac. She al- 
ways has. which is ultimately what every 
woman wants to do and few do. She 
is purely selfish and is perfectly honest 
about it. Raquel has the same selfish, 
ruthless drive as Mae, but she's not real 


at all. She's afraid of sex, but sh 
myth. The legend, Мас West, is the real 
woman, the veal sex symbol.” 

Today, most of Mae's time is taken 
up, as it always has been, with the care 
and feeding of Мас West. With а per 
sonal fortune estimaled somewhere be- 
tween $5,000,000 and $15,000,000 (mostly 
in real estate). she lives in а satiny cocoon 
with a fawning retinue thal includes а 
maid, three secretaries, a Filipino butler- 
сЛаш ент whom she cast in “Myra” (along 
with several fans) and an ex-wrestler- 
bodyguaid-companion. with wall-to-wall 
shoulders. She assiduously avoids abrasive 
situations (“lears down the nerves") and 
sull keeps her private life very private, 
but admits to being sexually active, таус- 
ly gocs to paitics or screenings, seldom 
reads anything but her fan тай, con- 
sults psychics before making important 
decisions, pumpers herself inicrminably 
(everything from exercise 10 two colonies 
а day), scribbles dialog on little note pads 
and appears to cave little for the world 
outside her hermetically sealed pink shell. 

Each of her three homes—a ranch in 
the San Fernando Wall а 22-100m 
beach house featuring murals of nuked 
men with golden phalluses and discm- 
bodied testicles floating like pink clouds 
across blue Oriental skies, and the white 
and-gold Louis XIV apartment she has 
had since she first went to Hollywood 
іп 1932—is the very essence of Mac 
West: a cheerfully extravagant vulgarity. 
“God, do you know she keeps hand 
towels—hand towels—pinned to her 
white-satin couch?" a famous wrtler ex- 
claimed recently. 

105 buc. Interviewer 
nings sal on several of her couches dur- 
ing five conversations with Mac. When 
he arrived for his first visit, she made а 
grand sashaying entrance in а long, mul- 
tieolored pastel hostess gown that 
effectively hid her high platform shoes 
(she’s only fwe foot, three). “Ol, hello, 
dear,” she said, blue eyes twinkling mer 
rily. “How are ya? Siddown and take it 
easy. I do some of my best work on this 
couch.” The only competition was Tom 
Jones on the hifi. “Mae was a bundle 
of contradictions,” reports Jennings, “at 
once illiterate and smart, demure and 
demonic, sweet old lady and shrewd lit 
Ile cookie cutter. But mostly she was 
warm, funny, gracious and surprisingly 
unsparing about herself. Once she got to 
know me, she didn't undulate with hand 
on hip; nor did she talk in epigrams and 
aphorisms. But she hasn't lost her randy 
sense of comedy—as 1 discovered when T 
asked my first question. 


. Robert Jen- 


PLAYBOY: Since you clearly don't need the 
why did you choose to make а 
comeback in Myra Breckinridge, at the 
age of 772 

WEST: Seventy-se 
Tor 26. And it's 
ev 


my last picture, Ive broken in three 
plays, toured for years with my muscle- 
man act, made four record albums. writ- 
ten my book, appeared several times on 
TV and finished screenplays from two of 
my plays. plus all my own dialog for 
Myra. Y felt it was somethin’ my public 
would want me to do. 1 always like to 
give ‘em wl 1 they were 
demandin’ back, My fans 
in. They're the young. 
Mae West is a whole 
„ "cause йз a whole 
new generation. I get "em in their teens 


now. Th gimme diamonds. The 
publ ved for me I took this 


part just to give "em a break. ya know 
what I mean? 1 mean, it's not my movie, 
but they're refervin’ to it in New York as 
the Mae West movie.” People are rush- 
in’ to see it because of me. 

How do you feel about the 
thats been leveled at Myra? 


Ms to 
just run- 


is box office! 
ayin’, people 


velous! Thi 
what they're 
nin’ to see the picture. АП my biggest 


hits were controversial. As He: 
editorial in the Thirties, 
¡me Congress did something abo 
Wes?" When Fox was protestin 
rain” for Myra, 1 
Vd be insulted if 
і get û X or 
1 invented censorship. 
How would you describe your 
the film? 
Well, when they first mentioned 
the book, I thought they wanted me for 
the title role, ‘cause E star in everything. 
ya know, so 1 told ‘em, “Never.” It 
didn't grab me. I my se 
Myra can change her sex, but they 
gonna change mine. But then the 
they wanted me to play Letitia 
who's sort of Ag 
007. 1 change my hat for every man and 
age my men like | chang 
псу for fun 
«Ше оту, and 1 end ир 
ownin’ everything, so 1 feel ki 
home in the part. Its not at all like the 
character in the book—I r 
my fans would hi 


ы 


nt who puts her in the 
. In my version, I put him in 
the hospital. See w 2 That's my 
personality, When I enter, there are 19 
or 90 men w le my boudoir- 
office, all handsome and healthy; I 
picked most of ‘em myself. “ГЇЇ be right 
with ya, boys" I say. "Get out you 
That an innocent 
when I thought of it. but when I said it. 
ir broke everybody up. Like somebody 
says. "Tc warms the cockles of my heart,” 
and I say, “Warms the what? Oh, ye 
Every time I say any 
be a laugh. Why, 1 


was 


Tareyton 
15 better. 
Charcoal 


Tareyton's 
activated charcoal 
delivers a better taste. 
A taste no plain white 

Her can match. 


“That's why us Tareyton 
smokers would rather 
fight than switch.” 


PLAYBOY 


76 


prayers: “Now I lay mc"—thar's as far 
as I can get and they break up. But I 
n meant “Come up and see me 
to be sexy. 
Since so much of Myra was cut 
would you give us a random 
sampling of some of your other lines? 
WEST: Yeah, sure. Once inside ту oflice, Т 
say to my male scactary, “You gotta 
mob here today and Im a little tired. 
One of those guys Il have to go.” Then 
a dumb stud comes in and says all he 
wants is my respect. 1 say, “Watch it, 
you're gonna kill the deal.” Honey, I'm 
doin’ and sayin’ things that woulda 

en Adolph Zukor apoplexy when I was 
mount. E got a lot of blame for 
bringin’ on censorship in the Thirties, 
and I may just do it again this time 
around. If Myra doesn't stir ‘em up, I 
don't know what will. 

By today's standards, that d 
ids rather tame. Do you зау any- 
might be more censorable? 


thing th: 
WEST: Sin what, dei 
PLAYBOY: What сіз 
suggestive? 

west; Everything, At onc point, I say, 
“They're gonna give me an award,” 
Myra asks, "What, an Oscar?" 
"No, a golden phallus.” Then I add, 
“Someday we'll have our own stable of 
studs—a boy bank where credit is always 


do you say thats 


good. Sort of a laya-day plan.” And 
Муга says. “God bless America.” Every 
body sucamed on the sct, In another 


scene, J tell My The guys a terrific 
bang. I wouldn't say he's exactly a sex 
but he'll do until onc comes 
In the orgy scene, 1 come in on 
people doin’ it, ya know, and 1 
"Umm, guess this is what they mean 
by leuin' it all hang out" And in a 
hospital scene, one veteran from Vict- 
m complains that his arm screws off 
nd another that his leg screws off and 1 
зау, “Well. come up and sce me some- 
time and ГІ show ya how to screw your 
heads off.” 

PLAYBOY: Did you know that many people 
have called Myra “the dirty Cleopatra 


west: Oh, Fm never dirty, dear. I'm 
interest ; I have 
taste Y with sophis- 


tication and sex appeal, but I'm never 
vulgar. Maybe it’s brecdin'—I come from 
a good family, descended from Alfred 
the Great. In the script, I have a line, 
“Гус got the judge by Ше..." but I 
never say the word, just make the mo- 
ions (cupping her hand]. I wouldn't use 
any fourletter words, dear. I don't like 
obscenity and 1 don't have to do it at 
any time. They thought 1 might be will- 
ing for Myra, because it's in vogue now, 
but I won't. I just—suggest. 


PLAYBOY: Nudity's іп vogue now, too. 
How do you feel about it? 
west: Nudity should come under the 


headin’ of art, not ses. But nowadays, 
they just throw in a naked body to help 
the plot, ‘cause all the great plots have 


been done, and it's monotonous. I guess 
they think the younger gener 
to see somethin’ different. Maybe they 
do, but not 1 ‚ cause they've 
got all the sex they can handle—at 
Teast, «o I'm told. Anybody can go to the 
beach, where they got people with real 
good bodies—but that dont make it, 
either. I saw Hair—and it went to sleep 
on me. My advice for those gals who 
think they have to take their clothes off 
to be a star is, baby, once you're boned, 
what's left to create the illusion? Let "em. 

1 never believed in Pa 


wonder Y “em 
too much of me, 1 let the other woman in 
Myra do that. 
PLAYBOY: There's been a lot of talk about 
how you and the other woman, as you 
call Raquel, clashed behind the scenes. 
What really happened? 
WEST: I never gossip, dear. And I hate 
arguments. I don't like to down things. I 
like to think positive. 1 avoid anything 
that upsets me. "hat's my philosophy. 
PLAYBOY: But you could hardly have 
avoided Miss Welch. Can't you tcll us 
what happened. in your disagreement 
over costumes, for example? 
WEST: Well, the dircctor suggested I wear 
black and white throughout the picture. 
The other woman was gonna wear blues 
and reds. I only have two scenes with 
her. She thought I was gonna wear 
black velvet with whitemink tim, so she 
nd got herself a black dress 
c collar. They told her not to 
iyway, but we fooled 
her, ‘cause I came in with this white 
dress and black trim. Now she couldn't 
nge to a white one, In the next scene 
[since cut], I was wearin’ am allwhite 
thers and she got 
into a long, full red thing with a hood, 
Honest to Christ, she looked like Little 
hood. Reggie Allen, the set 
is an old friend of mine and 
he filled the place with red so her dress 
didn't mean a thing. She couldn't stand 
it and she complained to her agent, who 
screamed to Dick Zanuck. I don't know 
why she was so vicious. She should be 
glad I'm in the picture; a lot more 
people will see her. 
PLAYBOY: We understand there was а bit 
of friction concerning you and anotli 
star at the studio—Barbra Streisand. 
Why was that? 
west: J never met her, dear. But when I 
came on the picture, they told me I had 
her dressin’ room from Hello, Dolly! I 
don't tell me “somebody else's 
It's Mac West's room. I'm in a 
пуе E star in everything and 
1 over the world. My 
breakin’ records. If T "t break a 
t whatever I do, it don’t mean 
anything to me. So they redecorated the 
dressin’ 100m just for me. 
PLAYBOY: Many film critics compared Miss 
Streisand’s characterization іп Dolly to 
Mae West. One magazine even called it 


The Mae West Story. How do you feel 
about i 

WEST: Streisand has the unmitigated gall 
to imitate me. ІСІ hurt my Diamond 
Lil, which I'm bringin’ to the screen 
a in color and with new music. 
nd conflicts with her. If it wasn’t 
for Dolly bein’ at Fox. too, 1 think Га 
have gone in there and had ‘em take 
some of it out. She needs a little sex 
quality in there and she knows imitatin 


me is the best way she can get it. Bu 
she'd better forget it. 
PLAYBOY: Barbra said in an interview th. 


shed love to meet you but she didn’t 
want to bother you. 

west: She didn't wanna bother to ask if 
she could imitate me—take it and ask 
after. Well, it might interest her to know 
that David Merrick wanted me to do 
Dolly. But 1 didn't wanna be a Dolly 
Tm me. I'm unique. But even Edie Adams 
ick 


on those cigar commercials is sayin’, “Р 
one up and smoke it sometime.” E goua 
watch these things? 

PLAYBOY. But people “have imitated you 
all your life. 

west: The gay boys, sure. T like some of 


the gay boys doin’ imitations of me. Ata 
drag ball here recently, there were 10 
Mae Wests and not one of that other 
woman. I always win the prizes, too. 
PLAYBOY: How do you account for your 
homophile following? 

WEST: Homo what, dear? 

PLAYBOY: Homosexual 

west: I've always had it, dear. They're 
crazy about me ‘cause I give ‘em a 
chance to play. My characterization is 
sexy and with humor and they like to 
tate me, the things I sav, the way I say 
m, the way I move. It’s easy for ‘em 
to imitate me, ‘cause the gestures are 
xaggerated, flamboyant, sexy, and tl 
what they wanna look like, be like, feel 
like, And I've stood up for 'em. They're 
good kids. I don't like the police abus- 
in’ ‘em, and in New York I told ‘em, 
"When you're hittin’ one of those guys, 
you're hittin’ a woman,” ‘cause a born 
homosexual is a female in a male body. 
There's another kind of homosexual— 
it depends on his environment and oppor- 
tunicies—but that's just another form of 
masturbation. I saw The Sergeant and 
felt awful depressed; it wouldn't have 
hurt that kid to give in a little to Rod 
Steiger. I've liked "em ever since vaude- 
ville, when I used to take some of the 
chorus boys home. My mother, whom I 
was crazy about, loved ‘em “cause they'd 
fix her hair and her hats. They were all 
humorous, sweet, talented and, some, 
geniuses 

PLAYBOY: Have you ever had а homosex- 
ual problem yourself? 

west: I hope not. I said in my book 1 
never had any interest in a woman as а 
Jove object. I've liked the boys for as long 
as I can remember. When I was 12, Id 
have about six of 'em around me and 
1 sing and talk and hug and kiss and 


Shed that snow gear and those chilling winter temperatures 
—you're just hours away from the beach, the Bunnies and 
warm ocean breezes at the magnificent new Playboy Plaza 
resort hotel in Miami Beach, Florida. 

Located righ! on the ocean at 54th Street, the Playboy 
Plaza (formerly The Hilton Plaza) brings keyholders the ulti- 
mate in resort accommodations, along with those same іп- 
spired touches that have made Playboy Clubs legendary. 

You're sure to be impressed by each of the more than 500 
Spacious guest rooms . . . because they're not just ordinary 
guest rooms. We saw to that. Yours will have his and hers 
closets, a separate dressing room and a built-in refrigerator, 
plus color TV and hi-fi radio—both operated by bedside 
remote control. 

When you're ready for play, you'll discover it everywhere. 
Around the Olympic-size pool. The oceanside lanais. Or at 
any number of indoor fun spots. And, of course, we wouldn't 
be Playboy without a bevy of luscious Bunnies always on 
hand to make a fuss over you. 

Апа, as for dining and drink . . . the Playboy Plaza offers 
you Miami Beach's finest in both departments, We saw to 


that, too. Specialties of the plush Living Room are prime steak 
and zesty seafood. In the Penthouse, you'll enjoy tantalizing 
roast duck and filet mignon, plus entertainment from the 
hottest names in showbiz (with preferred seating for key- 
holders, of course). And, in the elegant VIP Room, European- 
inspired cuisine is prepared to please the most discerning 
palates. Wrap up each afternoon or evening of fun with a tall 
cool one in the Playmate Bar and you'll have had quite a day. 
(Don't worry, you can work it all off the next morning in our 
relaxing, fully equipped health club.) 


So go ahead . . . grab a calendar right now and check off 
those days you want to dispense with blustery winter weather. 
Then, for instant reservations, call our representative, Leonard 
Hicks Organization, in: ATLANTA (404) 524-3486: CHICAGO (512) 
787-1120; DETROIT (313) 566-2585; LOS ANGELES (213) 386-3520; 
MIAMI (305) 754-1667; NEW YORK (212) 765-5600; SAN FRAN- 
CISCO (415) 986-6916; TORONTO (416) 363-1648: WASHINGTON 
(202) 223-0812. Or contact: Reservations Manager, Hotel Sales 
Division, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
Illinois 60611 


PLAYBOY 


78 


Га play with their—umm, you know 
[makes groping motions with both hands]. 
They called me Peaches. But I didn’t 
know then I had this sex personality. 
PLAYBOY: You've just completed a screcn- 
play based on your homosexual play, 
The Drag, which you wrote in the Twen- 
ties but never took to Broadway. Why 
are you reviving it? 

West: Censorship has changed, dear. Back 
in the Twenties, the city fathers asked us 
to keep it out of New York—and I had 
already served time in jail for corruptin’ 
the morals of youth with my first play, 


Sex. So we opencd in Paterson, New 
Jerse 


and we were gettin’ up to $30 a 
seat; they came from all over the country 
to sce it. Caused a scandal, I was always 
ahead of my е, dear. It had a cast of 
60 and it glorified homosexuals. The 
scene is a dance, with about 40 of "em 
in drag even had taxicab and truck- 
driver types in drag. | directed it but 
didn't appear in it. They never used the 
word sex, but I had screamin’ gay great- 
lookin’ guys flauntin' it out all over the 
place. There were at least a dozen cur- 
tain calls alter each of the three acts and 
took an hour to empty the theater— 
everyone wanted to visit the actors, even 
though a great percentage of the audi- 
ences were women. The time's right to 
do it on the screen, but The Boys in the 
Band is doin’ the same thing I did and 1 
hear А Patriol for Me copied my drag ball 
scene from Sex—the oddest party ever 
produced for the stage. I'm waitin’ for 
the right producer to put the movie to- 
gether. I've got a part in it that would 
make a star out of Rex Reed. 

PLAYBOY. Was The Drag the first homo- 
sexual play in America? 

west: The first realistic one about men, 1 
think. I used comedy to make minc 
imerestin’, but | wanted to show the 
tragic waste that was spreadin' into our 
ty when people were shocked by it 
in any form but didn't do anything 
tdt Tt starts seriously in a doctor's 
office and this doctor says 5.000,000—now 
about 20,000,000, I'm told—people in tl 
country ay and civilization has 
done nothin’ to cure then 

PLAYBOY: In a recent Mae West film 
Los Angeles. you were billed 
п of camp. What docs the 


as the que 


word camp mean to you? 
west: Camp is the kinda comedy where 


the gay crowd was usin’ it. Tes 
finally gotten out to the public. In The 
"Oh, let your 

queen” and 


igcous and sayin’ clever things. 
Im always sayin’ somethin’ sexy and 
mpy and they like to sound that way, 
хоо. That's one way they feel they can, 
since they feel they're not, you know, nat- 
urally sexy. 


PLAYBOY: Do you feel you're naturally 
sexy, or are yon just a parody of sex? 

west: Even at the beginnin’, it was natu- 
ral with me. I feel sexy all the time, 1 
can't remember not feclin sexy. And I 
didn't parody sex consciously. Ч 
first, 1 played more straight dramatic 
parts, though they wouldn't let me even 
murder a woman, except in self-defense, 
like in Lil. So I began to pad it up with 
funny lines, exaggerate my delivery and 
body movements more and more. Езре- 
dally in movies, when 1 had school kids 


c 
in the audience, so I put in that element 
to please "em. But the censors wouldn't 
even let me sit on a guy's lap, and I'd 
been on more laps than а napkin. They 
called it suggestive, not sexy. in those 
days. Vampy parts I did most. I was good 
at makin’ humorous remarks—five or six 
right after another—but it was always 
‘on the scx angle that the comedy came 
through. I'd even write decoy lines for 
the censors to cut so I could keep the 
rest, like, “Is that a gun in your pocket 
or are you just glad to see me?” 

PLAYBOY: What about funny but sexless 
lines like “Beulah, ресі me a grape"? 
WEST: That came from Boogie, my mo 
key. You know I kecp monkeys. They're 
my babies. Boogie loved grapes and he 
never ate one before peclin' it. Very 
fastidious. Anyway, afier that picture 
[Im No Angel), I was the most famous 
and popular motion-picture star in the 
world. 

PLAYBOY: Garbo was popular then, too— 
did you know her? 

West: No, not then, “cause Hollywood 
people never met, they never mixed here, 
unless they were on the same picture or at 
the same studio. They had their own par- 
ties and I didn't go to parties. T kept 
Hollywood at a distance. But not long 
ago, my dear friend George Cukor called 
id said Garbo was in town and wanted 
10 meet me. She loved my pictures and T 
liked hers and she always conducted he 
self ht 1 didn't know what I'd talk 
IK about myself. 
When she came I said, “Hello, d 
and I kissed her on the check. She 
seemed starded at first, but I just wanted 
her to feel at сазе. She's still a v 
beautiful woman, but she didn't say 
much, Certain people you don't have to 
talk much with, though: you say a few 
words and they understand. Garbo does 
more thinkin’ than talkin’. I don't do 
much tall unless I'm asked. 


about, so I decided to ta 


in’, either 
PLAYBOY: You said you didn’t go to pa 


ties in the old days. Why not? 
west: Between pictures, 1 was too busy 
writin’ to mingle in the old days. I was 


always scribblin', anywhere—in cars, іп 
bed, on hing, scraps, paper bags. 
Also, I never drank, and you don't en- 
joy a party very much out here if you 
don't drink. 1 may have tasted créme de 
menthe or sweet wine a few times, but I 
realized quite a long time ago it wasn’t 
good for ya; it kills the vitamins in your 


food. So 1 steered away from parties, 


especially the wild ones. 
PLAYBOY: In addition to Garbo, were 
there any of the other old stars you 


admire: 
west: Well, I always said Chaplin was 
the only other person who could write 
his own pictures and star in "em, too. 
Theda Bara had a nice mean quality and 
Clara Bow had cute sex. But mine was 
more sultry and sophisticated and really 
did the job. It was how I said my lines 
and what Т did when I said ‘em, L. B. 
Mayer tried to get me to write stories for 
the blonde one [Harlow]. “Give her a 
sophisticated story,” he says. And I says, 
“If X got good ideas, L. B., I gotta keep 
‘em for myself." Lana did very well, too, 
but there's nobody like me. Nobody in 
my class. 

PLAYBOY- We read somewhere thar you 
OK'd Marilyn Monroe to play your life 
story. 

WEST: Never. She didn't have the speakin’ 
voice to play me, though she was nearest 
in looks to myself. I found Marilyn very 
attractive and the type the masses like; 
they thought they had another Mae West 
with her. But she couldn't talk. And she 
had to be surrounded by two or three 
names, ‘cause she couldn't build a story 
for herself like I could. 

PLAYBOY: You sort of made yourself the 
leading man, so to speak, didn't you? 
west: Well, I do dominate my pictures. 
Everything is written around me, 
that includes men. A forceful. d 
in’ sex personality that requires multiple 
men, like I always had in real life, If they 
build the man up equally. it’s no good 
for me, I carry the scx interest, the love 
interest, the drama and the humor—and 
sometimes the tragedy. I'm also the 
heavy. There are very few personalities 
in history that could do that, if any. I'm 
my own original creatioi 

PLAYBOY: Yet W. C. Fields held his own 
in My Little Chickadee апа shared 
screenwriting credit with you, too, didn't 
he? 

WEST: For your information, dear, I wrote 
all of My Little Chickadee and Bill asked 
me if he could put a few lines and 
then he wrote about three minutes for 
himself —where he talks to a fly on the 
bar. He finally got his name ир there, 
‘cause he gave 'em a lot of trouble about 
He was just tryin’ to get back at me, 
‘cause I had him thrown off the set. 
PLAYBOY: Why? 

WEST: I had a clause in my contract that 
if he drank, he'd have to leave the set. 
"Not even a small beer?" he pleaded. 
"No," I says. “And those cigars are more 
than I can take.” Three weeks later, he 
comes on the set tight and says. “Who 
stole the cork outa my lunch?" And I 
says, “Pour him outa here.” 

PLAYBOY: You mentioned multiple men 
in your life. Who were some of them? 
west: I'm not a kissand-tell. I never 
flaunted my affairs їп public, never 


The great Scotch in the 
unfair gift wrap 


There isn’t another 
gift wrap as simple,yet as 
sumptuous,as this sweep 
of black and white stripes. 


And there isn’t another 
Scotch as smooth as this. 


ШЕЕ bok wis 1 


how do you know which one to give? 
The leading Scotches are 
ding 
all light, but “Black White” 


is smoothest of them all. 


Gift wrapped at no extra cost. 


ТЫ 


pr 


"Black &White? "Scotch for people who know the difference! 


BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY - 688 PRODF - THE FLEISCHMANN OISTILLING COFPORATION, NY C. SOLE DISTRIBUTOR, 


PLAYBOY 


talked about my men by name, except 
for Joc Schenck of the vaudeville tearm, 
but that wasn't a sex love аай; and my 
husband, Frank Wallace. who 1 married 
secretly when I was 17. It was a mistake 
—he was a problem and I sent him off 
on a solo tour. But I 1 warned him I 
didn’t love him. I told him, “There's just 
this physical thing between us. You don't 
ppeal to my finer instincts." But I never 
s the cottageapron type. For years, my 
out me and he was 
alous of my other 
ught me that yo 
ve your sex energy in order to 
do things. "Fhis is the way you store up. 
power for your creative work, he says. 1 
didn't know that. I thought you just do 
it. Sex. It was through this knowledge 
that I started to really write, and when I 
started a picture, I'd stop all my sex 
activ ad put that energy into my 
work. I'd get absorbed in the play and 
the sexiness of that. It was a goal. Up 
until then, E just did it all the timc. But 
it was too much, “cause my mind м: 
divided. 

PLAYBOY: How many lovers have you had? 
WEST: Oli, God, I don't remember, there 
were so many. I was never interested in 
the score, though—only the Like 
my famous line, "It's not the men in my 
t counts but the my men." 
What kind of man makes the 
worst lover? 

west: Men that drink. I've never had a 
diunken sweetheart. But there's. pote 
tial in most all of "еш. You just have to 
know how to bring it ош. One of my 
first alfairs was with a virgin, though he 
is 20s, Very shy. I initiat- 
teachin’ 


wa 


got- 


ame. 


s, but 1 underst: 
Ше of celibacy ever since. 
PLAYBOY: What type makes the best lover? 
west: Male. When people ask me what 
kind of man I prefer, I always say I like 
two types: foreign aud domestic. Find a 
man of 40—when he's ripened. I look 
for personality, not handsomeness. And 
like the line in а song of mine, I prefer 
“a guy what takes his time.” 

PLAYBOY: What was your mast memorable 
аай? 

WES vo I remember best. One was 
this charmin’ Frenchman who would 
pick me up in his car alter Diamond Lil 
ad take me over to this other tlicater 
where I was rehearsin’ Pleasure Man. It 
was love on the run, ‘cause 1 wa 
an айай with him and my manag 
same time, see. T liked to muss the French- 
y black hair. We met anyplace 
we could—dressin’ rooms, elevator 


havin’ 


Fair, you might say 
—until his wife showed up. 1 didn't 
w he was marricd, I've never know- 
ingly bad an affair with a marricd man. 
Anyway, I saw a guy in the show T liked, 
but I was afraid to start a third affair, so 


so I says, ГШ have him when I get to 


Chicago. He was a 26-year-old boxer. My 
er fired him from the show, but out. 
on the road, he met me at my hotel 
PLAYBOY: And? 

WEST. It was somethin’. We were at it 
from Saturday night till four the next 
afternoon. 1 had a dozen of those rubber 
things, ya know, and he went through 
m and did it ten more times by morn- 
in’. That's 22 times from eleven to sev- 
en. 1 l, "I'm kinda 
we оц et some sleep. 
four hours la 
times and. then 
remember correctly. He'd been marri 
and divorced and said he'd only dou 
one or two times a night until then. Three 
at the most. But he'd had his eye on me 
nd it'd been buildin’ up in him for a 
long timc. You sce, men don't know their 
own capacity. You can never tell about 
the c y of a person 

PLAYBOY: Considering the fact that you 
were born in the Victorian age, how did 
you manage to escape the puritan sense 


of sin and lt that afflicted most of your 
contemporaries and even later genera- 
tions? 


west: My mother thought I was the 
greatest thing on earth and she liked me 
to play with the boys. Then there was 
the thing I put in my book: that if 
Kinsey is right, 1 only did what comes 
Шу, what the average person does 
secretly, drenchin’ himself in guilts and 
phobias "cause of his sense of sinnin’, 
I never felt myself a sinner. Гус always 
believed in sex. Sex is natural and what's 
natural isn't nasty. 

PLAYBOY: You seem partial to boxers and 
musde men, but there's a theory that 
bodybuilders tend to pass up sex in their 
preoccupation with physical fiin 
WEST: Just because they build up their 
bodies doesn't 1 they don't have the 
capacity. The point is, they're all good 
healthy specimens—don't drink or smoke 
—and that's what I like. It's true that 
muscle men usc up their спеву and 
strength buildin’ their bodies up and 
some of "em are like one a night, some 
са couple times a night. Fighters hav 
to watch themselves. Wrestlers are sexier, 
"cause they don't have to train a lot, so 
they have sex on their Is more and 
it’s in the mind that it starts. I like "em 
Il. but there's a few I like ttle more. 
PLAYBOY: Did you know that at а USC. 
banquet а ye one of the football 
aches said, “We'll have a pretty good 
year if we can find a way to keep the 
boys away from Mae Wests apartment"? 
WEST. Surc, thcy come up and sce me. 
"re great-lookin’ boys. I like ‘em 
use they take care of their bodies. I 
always said I adore football playcıs; th 
passes аге so forward. 

PLAYBOY: Have you ever been 
with any of your conquests? 
WEST: Some of my affairs reached great 
heights. They were very «сер, hittin’ on 
all the emotions. You cun't get too hot 


in love 


over anybody unless there’s somethin’ 
that goes along with the sex act. can 
you? But I concentrate on myself most 
of the time; that's the only way a person 
can become a star in the true sense. 1 
never wanted a love that me: 
surrender of my selfpossession. 1 
wh 


w 
t it did to other people when they 


loved another peison the way I loved 
myself, and I didn't want that problem. 


Thad to stay in command of my career 
PLAYBOY: Then your carcer was every- 
thing? 

WEST: It was first and it still is. I do 


nothin’ but look after myself and 
work. Good reviews is my favo 
ing matter. 

PLAYBOY: Do you miss never having һай 
children? 

west: I never wanted children, I was 
айша it might change me mentally, 
physically and psychologically. Mother- 
hood's a career in itself, I like other 


people's children, but I wouldn't want 
any of my own. You sec, dear, a woman 
who's married and has children can't be 


a sex symbol. Men feel you belong to 
someone else. You're the sex symbol to 
your husband only and you should be, 
especially if you have children. You may 
active, but you can’t be a sex 
ymbol for the masses, for the industry, 
for the world. Like myself. Years 
star wouldn't even tell if she w 
ed. H she had children, she 
"em. Even the enthusiasm for Elvis isn't 
there since he married—but that’s hu- 
man nature. When you're single, every: 
body feels you're (heirs. This helped the 
Mae West character, but it also got me 
in a lotta trouble. 

PLAYBOY: How? 

west: Even back in vaudeville, my man- 
ager would come and say, "Mae, you'll 
have the Church after us sure,” and I'd 
have to take out a song or change it. My 
first play, Sex, started an epidemic of sex 
plays: and this was at a time when the 
word d never n been mentioned 
before, except clinically, But most of 
these plays closed down ‘cause they 
didn't have a good story—or Mae West. 
So I came into pictures and I brought 
my own audience. The theaters were 
empty. Paramount was losin’ 1700 thea- 
па ha ‘em turned into office 
My first picture, Night After 
Night, wasn't really а Mae West movie, 
but 1 wrote my own dialog and George 
Raft said I stole everything but the cam- 
стаз. I came in next with She Donc Him 
Wrong and broke all records and saved 
the studio and the theaters. I'm No An- 
gel did the same thing, attracted so much 
attention th; I Ше other studios tried 
to get their own Мае West. I wrote I'm 


E 
ерші missed 
it Then the Church me. A 


couple of priests came to sce me and one 
of ‘em, a handsome guy. said, “A woman 
told me in the confessional, “Father, I 


I want to 
find my 
teddy bear. 


1 
Winston tastes 
good likea 
cigarette should. 


¢ 2. 4 2 ( CS x 
5, PT M die ب‎ * ^ DW \ E 19208 окоо: товлбсо со., тобы € м 


+ 


Next time you're out in your 5 right, but they sure know how to 
Bi-plane, why not buy a pack of make it right with specially proc- 


Winstons. Winston may not say it — essed|FILTER BLENDI"tobaccos. 


OTE 


PLAYBOY 


82 


have sinned. I've committed adultery. It 
was that Mae West movie that drove me 
to it^ 

PLAYBOY: You had some trouble with the 
networks, too. Didn't NBC ban you for a 
dozen years or so? 

west: Yeah, but you know, it's hard to be 
f 
happened ‘cause of somethi 
the Charlie McCarthy show. All I did 
was ask Don Ameche, who was pl 
Adam to my Еуе, “М 
this apple sometime, honey 
invited Charlie to come up and play in 
my woodpile sometime. 

PLAYBOY: There was also a Person to 
Person interview with you that was never 
aired. Why? 

west: Oh, that was when 1 took Charles 
Collingwood back to my famous bed- 
room and he asked me why I had so 
many mirrors on the cilin’ and every 
where. I said, “They're for personal ob- 
servation. I always like to know how 
doin" He had to change the sub 
fast, ya know, so he asked me about cu 
rent events and I says: “I've always had 
a weakness for foreign affairs.” That was 
about all. Oh, yeah. they asked me 
had any advice for tlie young a 

ure. Grow up.” So they refused to put 


the show on. But I believe in censorship. 
After all, I made a fortune out of 
PLAYBOY: Haven't you ever gotten tired of 


being Mae West sust: 
than-life erotic image? 
WEST: You can't get enough of a good 
thing, in my opinion. My carcer is built 
on doin’ things the right way, my way— 
and my way is the easy way. 

PLAYBOY: Haven't you ever felt the need 
for something beyond self-gratification? 
WEST: In November 1941, I had an exp 
rience that changed my life. E was at the 
peak of my I was rich, successful 
and bored stift. I was tired of wor 
had everythin’ and nothin’, I decided to 
devote six months to explorin' the un- 
known, religion and how the soul work: 
1 was alw; nterested, but I could n 
er find the real thing. Then I met this 
spiritualist, Reverend Kelly, and he was 
really great. Anything metaphysical was 
called spiritualism then, and I was one 
of the original people that got "ет off 
that. I had gone through Tarot cards, 
fortunetellin’, the whole bit—but I 
wanted proof. | used to go to Sunday 
school and get headaches, It was always 
hard for me to believe anything, ‘cause 
nothin’ could be proven. 

Then I met a woman who taught me 
to meditate, to go “into the silence.” 
You've gotta leave your conscious mind a 
blank and do it in the dark, ‘cause if 
you өсе things, your mind is workin’, It 
took me over a week to do it for two 
minutes, "Cause the forces come in and 
work on the part of the mind that we 
dream with—thats the psychic eye, ya 
know what I mean? Within two and a 
halt weeks, I was able to do it for 25 


ing that larger- 


minutes, leave the mind a blank—but 
nothin’ came in. Then one morning, this 
angelic voice said, “Good mornin’, dear.” 
Sounded like a child's voice; it was like 
inside my ear. I found out that it's a 
little spirit called Juliet who gencrally 
comes to beginners through the inner 
Later, a man's voice came from my solar 
plexus. “Am I imaginin’ things?” I asked 
Reverend Kelly. He said the mind—the 
intelligence that lives within our bodies— 
is so powerful that it can survive death 
and come through walls or anyplace, like 
electricity. One time, Reverend Kelly 
brought Mario Lanza back. But I had to 
quit foolin' around with the forces myself. 
PLAYBOY: Why? 

WEST: ‘They started to bother me so much 
I couldn't sleep. I saw one face after an- 
other, mostly men, dressed in period 
clothes with monocles, like from another 
century, sayin’ "thee" and “thou.” Final- 
ly, I had to tell ‘em to leave. They 
formed a whole circle of heads over my 
bed, just under the сеп". I said, "I 
gotta get up and go to work. I believe, 
I believe. Please go away." And they did. 
PLAYBOY: Have they made any surprise 
visits since then? 

west: No, but if I wanted ‘єт now, 
come. I know how to go into the 
own. I see Dr. Ireland from time to 
Reverend Kelly introduced me to 
him before he passed on. He's got great 
psychic powers. 1 wasn't sure about 
doin’ Myra, didn't know the director, 
until Dr. Ireland told me I should go 
ahead, that the director's got determina- 
tion and is a wonderful. person. If Ire- 
land likes him, he must be all right, But 
he told me to beware of a certain man in 
the movie; I asked Same if it was him, 
but it turned out to be Rex Reed. The 
he's been talkin’ about me on TV. Well, 
if he has, it’s jealousy. 

PLAYBOY: Has your interest in the occult 
affected your thoughts on death? 

west: I never think of death, dear. 
PLAYBOY: Not even when friends and 
colleagues die? 

west: Nobody I ever knew outside of my 
moth her's death affected me. 
1 nearly went out of my mind when my 
mother died, but there's a lot of things I 
hadn't learned then. I didn't believe in 
the hereafter then, If 1 1 the same 
understandin’ E have now—that her soul's 
still around—it wouldn't have affected me 
that way. 

PLAYBOY: We have a hunch you'll live to 
be 150. How do you keep in such good 
shape? 

WEST: My mother was a health nut and 
my father was an athlctc. Like I said, I 
don’t drink and [ don’t smoke, and it's 
still in my contract that I don't have any 
smokin’ around the set when I'm work- 
cause І can't take it. Even in a 
restaurant, it spoils your whole dinner, 
especially cigars, and when I go to my 
favorite rest t. Perino's, they don't 
let ‘em smoke around me. I missed all 


the childhood sicknesses, too. I get a cold 
about every ten years, In 1959, I had my 
chest X-rayed and they told me I have 
double thyroid glands, which gives you 
extra sex energy: that's a loua thyroid, 
dear, So that’s in my favor, too. Also, if 
you haye proper food and keep your in- 
sides clean, you'll live a long life; I smell 
Just as sweet at either end, The body 
Tenews itself all the time. With proper 
food and proper cleanin’ of the system, 
age won't set in. People age from within, 
but it shows from without. The doctors 
told me, "Your lungs arc as clear as a 
bell"— even with the smog. I only breathe 
in clean air from the air conditioners 
all my houses and my car, and I drink 
nothin’ but bottled spring water. I even 
bathe in it. 

Also, I don't take pills, I never had a 
face lift and I don't even take vitamins. 
My skin was always very good—here, feel 
it; it's the skin of a little girl. [It is] I 
massage it with cocoa butter and lanolin, 
heated and mixed. 1 still have all my 
own teeth; my mother wouldn't permit 
me to eat candy as a child. And 
solid, strong [flexes musdes]. Im always 
exercisin —stretchin' exercises—and I 
use dumbbells. I walk on the beach and 
my ranch. I have a walkin’ machine 
here. I ako massage my breasts; you 
should do it yourself, 'cause the muscle 
under the arm doin’ the massagin' holds 
the bust up and keeps the breasts firm. 
[She demonstrates] Breast exercises stim- 
ulate the whole body an’ glands 
everything, ya know? 

PLAYBOY: Looking back on a long and 
full life, how do you see уошѕе and 
what do you think of what you sec? 

WEST: 1 see myself as a classic. I never 
loved another person the way I loved 
myself. I've had an casy life and no 
guilts about it. I'm in a class by myself. 
T have no regrets. Who else can do what 
I'm doin' now and look the way I look? 
"hats why I never wanted to be any- 
body else. Look at Betsy Ross—all she 
ever made was a flag. If I wanted to be 
somebody in history—Florence Nightin- 
gale or Madame de Pompadour or 
Catherine the Great, who was a preincar- 
nation of myself{—I'd just write а play 
for myself about ‘em. The only other 
thing I ever wanted to be was a lion 
tamer. ns are the most beautiful of 
all the animals, so massive; I just wanted 
то hug "em when my father took me to 
the zoo. But I became a man tamer 
instead. A reporter asked me recently 
what [ wanted to be remembered for 
and I told him, “Everything.” That 
about sums it up. 

PLAYBOY: Thank you very much, Miss 
West. You've been most generous with 
your time. 

WEST: It was fun for me, dear. 1 always 
enjoy talkin’ about mysell. Good night, 
love. And come up any time. 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


A year-round party giver and goer, the PLAYBOY reader doesn't need а holiday to make a party 
a special occasion. Fun, friends, fashion, fine food and drink are basic to his unique way of living. 

act: According to a recent psychographic study of life styles, PLAYBOY readers tend to “social- 
ize" and “enjoy upbeat parties where alcoholic beverages are served” more than most people. Mul- 
tiply that joie de vivre by 17,000,000 readers and you soon discover why alcoholic-beverage adver- 
tisers spend more money in each issue of PLAYBOY than they do in any other magazine around. 
(Sources: A Psychographic Profile of Magazine Audiences; 1970 Publishers Information Bureau.) 


New York + Chicago - Detroit - Los Angeles + San Francisco + Atlanta + London + Tokyo 


fiction By EVAN HUNTER 


2 їнє мах on the other end of the wire 
was somewhat intoxicated. 1 kept telling 
him I was calling from Chicago and that 

ted to speak to my wile, Abby 

sler. I spelled her name three times for 


You should see the crowd here,” he 
id. “This's a real nice crowd here." 


she was young «i 


“Yes, I can hear it," I said. “Would 


enough to be his you please 
“Thiss a real nice party," he said. 
daughter and, 
: “Sam Eisler,” 1 said, "I want to talk to 
if he made my wife, Abl 
Б en why'n't you come on up here?” 
the right moves, Thies realnie pany.” 
he could have d supposed to come up there,” 1 
s said, “hars just it. I'm in Chicago. My 
himself. a ball plane put down——" І hesitated, look- 
Б at the telephone reccive: if it had 
somehow beguiled me into detailing my 
TERMINAL eeen to a drunk. "Look," I s. H 
"would you please yell out my 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY MARTIN HOFFMAN 


dos 


86 


name and tell her she’s wanted on the 
telephone?” 

“Sure,” he said. "What's your wife's 
name? 

“Abby Eisler.” 

“Who's this calling?” 

“Sam Eisler. Her husban: 
t just one minute.” 
ted. I heard the small plastic 
rattle of the recciver as he put it down, 
and then I heard him bellow’ nnie 
Iceman! Telephone! Annie Iceman 
wanted on the telephone,” his voice re- 
ceding as he went farther and farther 
away from the instrument, until finally it 
was drowned out by all the party noises. 
Wonderful, I thought. He's wandered 
away and left the phone off the hook. 
Now I'll never get through to her. I kept 
waiting. 

“Hello?” a voice said at last. It was 
Abby. 
s this Annie Iceman?" I said. 
Sam!" she said immediately. "Are you 


bai 
“Not quite.” 

“What do you mean not quite? How 
can you be not quite back: 
n be in Chi 
OH The whole 
socked in. They put us down here in 
Chicago.” 

“How can they do that? You bought a 
ticket for New York, didn't you?” 

"Yes, of course I—— Abby, are you 
drank, too? Is everybody at that god- 
damn party drunk already?” 

“Of course Im certainly not drunk,” 
Abby . "How long is it from Chi- 
cago?” 

How long is what, Abby?" 

“The train ride, 
“I don't know. Overnight, І would 
Anyway, I'm not about to take a 


"AL 


* [ said. 


auld you please fill this for 
me, please?" Abby said. 

"Who's Randy?" 

“He's the head of acation someplace.” 

“Only God is the head of creation,” 1 
said. 

“Well, somebody said Randy is, too. I 
was just now sitting cut оп the fire 
escape with him when you lled.” 


ЕТЕ ыкы 
ne ii 
time is it now? 
rk or in Chicago?” 

Abby said. “Oh, thank 


you. Randy." 
"How many of those have you had?" I 
said. 
“Whic 
“Whatever you're dr 
“Oh, two or three, I guess 
why'd you ask for Annic Iceman? 
not very funny. 
“I didn’t ask for Annie Iceman. The 
guy who answered the phone was 


loaded. 
's just not very funny,” Abby said. 
“Sam, when do you think you'll get 
here?” 

"| don't know. I'm going to check in 
at the information desk as soon as I 
hang up, see if there’s a chance of the 
fog lifting tonight. If not, I guess ТЇЇ 
have to sleep over.” 

“What should J do?" 

“1 would suggest that you come in off 
the fire escape. А thirty-nine-year-old lady 
shouldn't be sitting on the fire escape in 
a fog." у: 
m, you don’t have to keep remind- 
ing me I'm thirty-nine. / don't keep re- 
minding уон you're forty-one.” 

“Well, Zn not out on the fire escape.” 

“Neither am I," Abby said. "What 
should I tell John and Louise? 

“Tell them I'm stuck in b li and 


“Abby 
"Mmm?" 


“Goddamn 
“Mmm,” she 
Yes, honey? 
still don't think asl 
Iceman was very funny, 
hung up. 

The operator, who had not signaled to 
tell me when I was talking overtime (as 
Га asked her to do), now told me that I 
owed the telephone company $1.45. I 
walked over to the cigar stand, changed 
a five-dollar bill and then went back to the 
telephone to deposit the overtime money. 
1 picked up my two suiter at the baggage- 
er and walked through the 
I to the information desk. The 
airline’s ground hostess informed me that 
the forecast for Kennedy was still fog un- 
til morning but that all Los Angeles-New 
York passengers were being provided 
with either rail transportation 10 New 
York or, if they preferred, overnight 
hotel accommodations in Chicago. 

Why didn't the е tell us that 
ew York was fogged in?” I said 
Didn't the pilot make an announce- 


ng for Annie 
she said and 


In't they tell us in Los Ange- 
k off.” 
she said. "I don't have 


“1 mean, 1 don't know how long it 

i ather report across 

the nation, but New York is three hours 
ahead of Los Angeles, and it scems to me 
that unless this fog just suddenly mate- 
rialized out of thin air and pounced 
down on Kennedy, it seems to me some- 
body in your wide-awake little outfit 
should have informed the passengers 
while we were still on the ground in Los 
Angeles. So that we could have decided 
for ourselves whether we wanted to 
spend the night there or here in Chica- 
go. I don't know about you, miss, but 


when sam etsler 
told her she 
looked very 
healthy, jennife 
answered, “depends 
where you're 
looking” 


PLAYBOY 


88 


Chicago has never been one of my favor- 
ite sleeping cities.” 
“Well, sir,” she said, “I don't control 
the weather in New York. 
“Where do you control the weather?” 


she 
“There's 
пе ought 10 hire. His 
he’s the head of creation 

“Sir?” 

“How do you expect to get that 
million-dollar bonus if you treat your 
s this м р 
те thinking of another airline,” 
id, turning away curtly to assist 
эт who looked as though he had 
never been outside Iowa in his life and 
was now totally bewildered by jet ter- 
minals and smiling hostesses and glow- 
ering New York attorneys like me, 
Samuel Eisler, I kept glaring at the girl's 
back until I was sure my indignation had 
burned clear through to her spine; the 
1 stalked off angrily in the direction of 
the airport bar. 
Jennifer Logan 


n in New York your 
ne is Randy, 


E 


making a phone 


call in an open booth not 100 yards 
the 


from information desk. She 
weari y short green mini, a dark- 
green cashmere cardigan and sandals. 
Her long blonde hair spilled over the 
receiver as she spoke and she brushed it 
way from her face impatiently as she 
nto the phone, "Well, you know, 
ie. what would you like me to do? 
rplane? Im telling 
sure. Vm wait-list- 


si 


Jennifer paused, made a face, looked 
directly at me, smiled, waggled the fingers 
on her free hand, whispered. “Hi, Mr. 
Eisler.” She said into the phone, 
Swithin’s. Oh, never mind, Marcie. 
paused again and then said, “When I 
gel there, ГИ get there. Meanwhile, I sce 
somebody I know. Give my love to 
Paul.” She hung up, felt in the return 
chute for any unexpected bonanza, rose, 
left her two suitcases and what appeared 
to be a harbos outside the booth, reslung 
her shoulder bag and walked toward me 
with her hand extended. 

Hi, Mr. Eisler,” she said ag 

“Hello, Jennifer,” I said 
you?" 

“Exhausted,” she said and rolled her 
eyes. "I c't get on a damn plane to 
San Francisco. 1 mean, I probably could 
get on a plane if T wanted to pay the 
regular fare, but I'm holding out for the 
nd there're like, seven mil 
s trying to get back at the same 
time. Its murder.” 

“Are you going to school 
cisco now? cd. 

“Mmm, Berkeley,” she said. "What are 
you doing in Chicago, Mr. Eisler?” 

"m in transit. New York's fogged їп, 


n. 
How are 


San Fran- 


"Oh," Jennifer said. “Hey, Ull bet 
that’s what's causing the pileup here, 
don’t you thin! 

“Maybe.” 

“Гус never seen so many kids іп my 
entire life," she said. “So you're stuck 
here, huh: 
Looks that way. 

What're you going to do?" 

‘Right now, I'm going to get a drink.” 
‘Good idea,” she said, “Let me get my 
bags. 

I watched her in surprise as she 
walked toward her luggage. I would not 
have asked Jennifer Logan to join me 
for a drink four years ago and I honest- 
ly had not intended my flat statement of 
purpose as an invitation now. But she 
picked up one suitcase, next the hat- 
box. and then looked up plaintively 
and said, "Mr. Eisler, could you give me 
hand with this?" I found myself walking 
to her swiftly and picking up the other 
suitcase. I carried that and my own two- 
suiter through the terminal whi 
walked swiftlv beside me, 
about her habit of always camying too 
much crap with her, like the wig; now, 
really, she didn't need to e the wig 
home for spring vacation, did she? Мопс 
of the other kids—— 

Ts that a wig?” I asked. 
Yes, a short one. It’s all curls, like, 

“I thought it was a hat.” 

“No, it's a wig.” 

— traveled with as much luggage as 
she did. She always came into an airport 
loo! е a Russian peasant lady or 
something: it was really quite disgraceful. 

You don't look at all like a Russi 

peasant lady," I said, 
‘What do 1 look like?" she asked, 
then smiled quickly and ducked her 
head, long blonde strands falling over 
her check, hand holding the wig box 
brushing them back again, and added, 
“Never mind, don't tell me.” 

I wa Je out of breath. She was 
walking with swift long-legged strides, 
her sandals slapping along beside me, 
spewing her rapid monolog, telling me 
she shouldn't come all the way east 
to begin with, and wouldn't have come if 
her parents offered a sort of 
bribe— 

How are your parents: 
‘Oh, fine,” she said. 
—Agreeing to take her down to Nassau 
h them for the spring break, though 
you'd never guess she'd been south: the 
sun hadn't come out the whole week 
she'd been there. She'd expected to go 
back to San Francisco with at least some 
d of a tan and. instead, she looked 
like a sickly white thing that had crawled 
out from under a rock. 

“You look very healthy, Jennifer,” I 
said. 

"Depends where you're lool 
answered and flashed her quick gri 


le she 
chattering 


аап 


"' [ asked. 


nd before I had time to think 
bout what she'd just said, she stopped 
edly the 


before what was undou 
bar and said, “Is this it?” 
“1 guess so. 
“Let me get the doo! 
reached out with the hand still clutchin 


shuflling and maneuvering, we fi 
managed to squecze the three suitcases, 
the wig box and ourselves through the 
door and over to the checkroom. where I 
deposited the luggage with an enormous 
sense of relief, 

“Made i” Jennifer said triumphantly. 
would.” 


“Neither w. 
"What do you mean?” 
"The way you were puffing back there. 
1 scc a table, come on. 
The ba irly crowded and re- 
ame kind of noise I 
d over the telephone wires from 
. Jennifer led me to an unoc 
d table against the rear wall and 
slid in behind it on the leatherette 
banquette. T immediately signaled to the 


warm,” Jennifer said. "Must 
have been a very fat lady sitting here.” 
he waiter, a crewcut. clea 
who looked to be 99 or 2 
sired admiringly at ei 
balefully at me, then said, 
I help you? 

"Jennifer? 

“Td like a Scotch on the rocks, please,” 
she said. 

“A Scotch for the lady,” I said, “and 
TH have" 

Excuse me, miss,” the waiter said, 
but would you happen to have some 
idemification with you?” 

“Flauerer.” Jennifer said and immedi. 
ately unslung her shoulder bag, opened 
it and produced her I. D. card. The wait 
er studied it as though I were a white 
sla ispor © blondes across 
state lines. As his scrutiny persisted, I felt 
first embarrassment and then anger. 

The young lady's over twenty one.” I 


glanced 
"Yes, sir, can 


snapped. "If you're finished with her 
card, we'd like some dr 
‘Sony, sir,” the waiter said, “but 1 


don't make the law 
Do you control Пи 

“Hule” 

“Just give the young lady her card and 
bring us a Scotch on the rocks and 
vodka martini, straight up." 

"We could lose our 
know," the waiter said. 

“We could lose our patience,” 1 said 
and gave him the same ре ng, di 
integrating look I had wasted on the 
hostess’ back. 

The waiter dropped Jennifer's card on 
the tabletop, mumbled. 
rocks, vodka martini, straight up, 


this state 
weather here? 


license, уо 


and 
(continued on page 105) 


“Big night last night, Kolblinski??” 


CATEGORIES 


LIFEBOAT 


GAMES 
FOR THE 


VIRGINIA 
WOOLF SET 


humor By DAVID STEVENS three refreshingly vicious indoor Sports to potson the holiday season 


s, Christmas has tradi. 


TROUGH 
tionally been associated with party games. 
Many times, guests who drop by aren't 
content to while away the evening hours 
in such civilized pursuits as drinking your 
good liquor and munching canapés: they 
want то sit down amd play somethin 
Charades, maybe, Or buzz. Or some com- 


plicued word game аг somebod 
younger brother once learned while 
pledging a fraternity at Wisconsin. And 


аз the host, you automatically become the 
master of the revels, doomed to preside 


over the festivities until everyone has 
buzzed amd charaded and prefixed and 
sullixed himself into а state of mental 
rigor mortis. So this Christmas. fight fire 


with fire. Should the subject of games 
come up, respond in kind by su 
that everyone join you m playing the 
following three—Carcgories, Who Am 12 
and Lifeboat. One thing we guarantee: 
No one's going to go home bored. 


CATEGORIES 
s is deceptively s 
explain. “and there's even а prize if you 
win, Hees how it’s played. ГИ choose 
опе of you to be “It! Each person then 
has one chance to describe 10 in terms 
of a specific cuegory. At the end, we'll 
vote on who Gime up with the cleverest. 
most original description.” Then give an 


ple,” you 


examples 

"Harold is It and th 
chosen is something that. might be found 
in the kitchen. Harold reminds me ol а 
butter knife, because he's so dull 

Nervous laughter. Ourwardly, Harold 
is a rather. happy fellow who's somewhat 
sensitive about the silver-dollar-sized bald 
spot on the back of his head, but i 
wardly, а small flame has been kindle 


category. Гус 


turn. T want each of 
you to describe Harold in terms of som 
g that might be found in the kitchen 
Harold is beginning to sweat. 
"Harold is big and deep—tike 
demitasse spoon." 


ow it's your 


Harold is as popular as aca 
chipped beef оп toast, Army style 
Right on! He's as intellectu: 
head of lettuce.” 

No, he's a plastic fork. Cox 
cheap. 

“And he hy 
up toaster,” 

"The sex appeal of a Baggy 

He's very subile—like a meat cleaver.” 

“And sharp as a rolling pin." 

Carol, a prety blonde, wins with, "I 
think of Harold as a toothpick, because 
once you use him 

Carol is awarded the prize—she be 
comes It. And Harold gets to pick the 
next category. 11's illnesses. 

Thornton, Carol's ex-lover. wins with, 
"Carol is like a common cold—easy to 
dh bur hell to get rid of.” 

Aud. Carol retaliates with the category 
buildings 

“Thornton's gor about as much balls 
as a fallout shelter," she says. 

“And the class of a floph 

“He's as lovable as a аур." 

“Thornton's a chicken coop lois of 
nd full of si 

And so the game will comin 
mo: 


mon and 


the personality of a 


pop- 


noisc 


Ani 
es begin to build up, compound, 


multiply. Mental tally sheets are being 
kept. There are scores to sende. But 
t spend the entire evening playing 


utes is just about 
takes 10 really get 
the homers nest buzzing. When you 


ave, move on, There are better games 
10 come. 


WHO AM Т? 
Drinks are freshened and everyone is 
seated in a circle. This time, three people 


of either sex are chosen I. They 
told that they must leave the room 
that while they're ou ng 
will assume the role of a famous person in 
history. The ones who are It will then 
mier, one at a time, and try to ascer 
tain who the famous person is by asking 
intimate questions of anyone іп the 
group: the more personal the better, The 
опе who guesses (he identity of the per 
son in the shortest time wins a door prize 

When the three Its are out of earshot, 
you explain what's really going to h 
pen. "Ehe famous person chosen. 
ly whoever is seated on the questionce's 
immediate right. And the questionec 
must tell the truth—as һем he or she 
knows it—about this person. 

A shrewd It may catch оп to what's 
happening after a few minutes and have 
a little sadistic fun with this knowledge 

“Do you think this person is good in 
bed?” Tt might ask. “Would you sleep 
with this person if you could? Oh? Why 
nol?" 

“What kind of hang-ups do you think 
this person may have? Any hint of sc 
ual abnormality? An Oedipus complex. 
perhaps? Or do we just have a good old 
fashioned switch-hitier on our hands 
Does the subject strike you as one 
who might have masturbated excessively 
during childhood? Do you think hes 
kicked the 

“Would you say there's a streak of 
auely in him somewhere? Does our 
subject just (concluded on раве 261) 


her are 


those 


remit 


91 


AIRSCAPE #1 rois avoko eo 

right is a work of eco- 
logical art. Your very own. The process of its creation began just now 
—as you opened this page to the “air” around you. And, depending 
on where you live, in a few weeks or months, as the sulphur dioxide, 
carbon monoxide and nitric oxide do their number, you may own a 
unique opus, an airscape: a reflection of your world in a surrealistic 
combination of chemical grunge and charcoal fallout from pollution's 
big ugly palette. 

Right now in Gary, Indiana, they're stoking the steel-mill furnaces 
to give your canvas an incredible range of reds and oranges and 
yellows. In New York, they're burning soft coal and high-sulphur ой 
for that black, streaky overlay effect. And in Los Angeles, the Santa 
Ana Freeway is bumper to bumper internal-combustion engines 
to give your eco art that eerie blue tint. Matisse would have turned 
green had he witnessed the technique. And the world may be turning 
the color of a rainbowed dung heap. 

So hang your embryonic work of art on a wall —someplace where 
you do a Іс! of breathing. (Or, if you have any clout with yo 
fathers, 901 them to hang a linen sheet in the civic 
really war ٤ hana this page outside 


INSTRUCTIONS: 


Expose this canvas 


Т SÉ 
2. Do not clean 


or restore: 


tongue-in-cheek remembrances of sundry news makers who—in word or deed—made the headlines in’70 


THAT WAS THE ө THAT WAS 


UIT WAX 


Spiro has an Agnew watch, 
Likewise Dick, our Prez, 

And Kissinger advises both 
Оп what the big hand says. 


Haynsworth, C., and Carswell, Н., 
Got quite а nasty wrench, 

They'd hoped for some new furniture: 
AL least a bigger bench. 


Dick gave Liza giant gem 

Aud furs that sure weren't squirrel. 
It's touching how а few small gifts 
Can please a simple girl. 


Julie’s David got a job 
To fill the summer void. 

It's nice a baseball team can help 
The hardcore unemployed. 


“What Denny did,” said baseball’s czar, 
"I cannot overlook.” 

But how could he suspend McLain 

For going by the book? 


The money she and Ari spent 
Sent shock waves through our nation, 
But Jackie's just a housewife, too, 
Contending with inflation. 


The Duke, who triumphed in “True Grit,” 
Views Commies with dismay 

And thinks һе won that Oscar 

For his role as Green Beret. 


The cost for doing Nader wrong: 
A multibucked award. 

1t helped boost G.M:s image— 
Like the Edsel boosted Ford. 


Raquel and Mae in “Breckinridge” 
Are all-time queens of lust, 

Which must be why the critics said, 
“A monumental bust!” 


Chet Huntley, after 14 years, 

Gave fans а farewell wave. 

Poor Brinkley has been sleepless since 
Without his “Good night, Dave.” 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY BILL UTTERBACK 


Jane Fonda fights for red men’s rights, 
She's militant, not weepy. 

Squaw Jane's been on the old warpath 
Since fleeing Vadim’s tepee. 


When Wilson set the voting date, 
The polls had him forefronting, 
But when they tallied the returns, 
Poor Harold was house hunting. 


The feminists and Betty Friedan 
Viewed pLavsoy’s outlook gravely, 
And sharpened up a staple 

To impale Hugh Hefner navely. 


Big John Mitchell has a case 
That well defies solution: 

How can a man arrest his wife 
On grounds of noise pollution? 


Tony was tobacco's foe, 

But then it came to pass, 

Though Mr. Curtis kicked the weed, 
He got tripped up on grass. 


Mia had child one and two, 
She may someday have dozens; 
And sister Tisa couldn't wait 
To start producing cousins. 


Streisand went to Canada 
And found the country jolly: 

For when she dropped by Parliament, 
Pierre said, “*Allo, Dolly!” 


The charge was filed against him 
And the court date set when—zap!— 
Bill Kunstler's client vanished; | 
Н. Brown had beat the Rap. 


Poor Zsa Zsa lost a lot of ice 
When robbed ай Waldorf posh. 
The take was close to half a mil. 
(And that ain't paprikash!) 


Two gents named Hoffman starred in Chi, 
One Abbie, one Judge Julie, 

And caused the nation to debate 

Which one was more unruly. 


95 


Although Veruschka lives 
in Rome and is accustomed 
to the cosmopolitan bustle 
of the world’s fashion 
capitals, she’s also familiar 
with remote, wild areas— 
backdrops for her frequent 
on-location shootings. 
Statuesque Veruschka—her 
height has been reported at 
anywhere from 5710" to 
6'4”—becomes the African 
Diana in native hunting 
garb. At right, her classic 
profile is illuminated 
by a dramatic sunset. 


Painted to portray the 


^ ` untamed creatures with 

>. which she’s so often 
кты. compared, Veruschka 
y blends alluringly—and 


^ chameleonlike—with her 
; environment. But, unlike 
them, she’s completely 

at ease when caught by 

the photographer 's critical 

eye. “Тһе camera,” she 

says when asked to explain 

the unself-conscious image 

she projects, “is my friend." 


A cunningly camouflaged Veruschka shows why she’s known as The Woman of a Thousand 
Faces. Nestled among stones, her head becomes the central element in an eerie 

composition, which could symbolize Veruschka’s libidinal make-up: “Тһе body does 

not arouse me sexually. . . . I regard it simply as one element in nature. But,” 

she continues, “that doesn’t mean I'm frigid. I have sexual feelings just like any woman.” 


Snake stripes accenting 

her slinky grace (opposite), 
Veruschka strides sensuously 
through a sylvan glade. 

At left, photographer 
Rubartelli drapes her 

lithe frame over a fallen 

tree for a study of 

textural and sculptural 
contrasts. Veruschka 
recently completed a film 
(also shot by Rubartelli), 
which promises that 

the public will be seeing 
more of her—in and out 
of haute couture designs. 


PLAYBOY 


106 embarrassment, miss. 


TERMINAL MISUNDERSTANDING 


then walked off with a cowpuncher's lope. 

“My, my,” Jennifer said, picking up 
her card and putting it back in her bag, 
“you do take control of a situation, don’t 
you?” 

“I get vicious when I’m thirsty.” 

“What it probably was,” Jennifer said, 
that he probably figures you're too 
old for me.” 

“Well, yes,” I said, "but still, you 
know, you did, you know, show him the 
identification he asked for, you know, 
and he had no righ——" 

"Don't get nervous,” Jennifer said. 
“Tm not coming on or anything.” 

“I'm not nervous,” I said. 

"You seem nervous.” 

"I'm not.” 

“OK. Do you always drink martinis?” 
ot always.” 

“I mean, this late at night. I thought 
people only drank martinis before din- 
пег.” 

“I haven't had dinner yet,” I 

"Didn't you eat on the plane’ 

"Yes, but that would hardly qualify as 
dinner." 

“I never eat on airplanes, either,” she 
said. “I get like a ravenous beast, but ГІ 
be damned if I'll eat any of that plastic 
crap they serve, I’m starved right now; to 
tell the truth, 1 haven't eaten since early 
this morning. What I did, you sce, was 
grab a plane to Chicago from New York 
because | couldn't get a San Francisco 
flight and 1 figured Chicago's better than 
nothing, don't you think? Closer to where 
I'm headed, anyway. 

"Wasn't it foggy?" 
"Where?" 

"In New York." 

"No. Not when 1 left." 

"Scotch on the rocks,” the waiter said. 
"Vodka martini, straight up.” He put 
down the drinks, hesitated. “Sir,” he said, 
“Tm sorry about what happened.” 

“That's OK," T said. 

“But I do have to check, sir, it’s the 
law." 

“Fine,” I said 

“And the lady did look to be under 
age. 

“Uh-huh, fine," I said. 

“I hope you understand, sir.” 

“I de, yes.” 

“Is there anything else you'd like, sir, 
before I see to my other tables?" 

“Yes, bring us another round when 
you get a chance, will you?” 

“TH take care of that right away, sir, 
before I see to my other tables” 
thank you." 

“And I'm sorry about the misunder- 
standing, sir.” 

"Thats OK.” 


caused you any 


(continued from page 88) 


“I'm not embarrassed," Jennifer said. 

“OK, then,” the waiter said and 
grinned in relief. “Everything's OK, then, 
good,” he said and went off to get the 
other drinks, 

Jennifer lifted her glass. Without a 
word, she clicked it against mine before 
she sipped at the Scotch. “Mmm, deli- 
us" she said. She smiled suddenly. 
I'm glad we ran into each other, you 
know, Mr. Eisler? We have a lot of 
talking to do. 

“Oh? What about?” 

“The abortion.” 

1 lifted my glass again and took а deep 
swallow. “Jennifer,” I said, "I really 
don't think we need to talk about your 
abortion." 

Ti was your abortion, too.” 
Мо, it was my son's abortion. Yours 
nd Adam's. Not mine.” 

“You paid for it,” Jennil 

“I know I did. But th s four 
years ago, Jennifer. And it all worked out 
fine for everyone concerned, So, if it's OK 
with you, I'd really rather not — 

Oh, sure,” she said and smiled. 
would you like to talk about, Mr. 


т 


nything," I said, “anything at all. 
How do you like Berkeley?’ 

“I like it a lot. 1 mean, I'm not into 
any of that protest stuff anymore, I'm a 
little too old for that—" 

"Old?" 1 said and laughed. 

“Well, I mean, you сап go around 
getting your face smashed by the estab- 
lishment just so many times, you know 
what I mean? When you get to be my 
age. it's easier to go back to the apart- 
ick off your shoes and bust a 


“Mim huh,” I said. 
"Marijuana," she said. 
Yes, I know." 

“1 thought maybe 
о. I understood you.” 

But you disapprove, huh?” 

“What gives you that idea?” 

Jennifer shrugged and brushed hair 
out of her eyes. “I don't know. Your 
voice sounded kind of funn: 

"Fm aware that all the 
smoke marijuana.” 

"Can't bring yourself to call it pot, 
huh?” 

"I'm afraid that wouldn't be very hon- 
est on my part.” 

“ОП, are you honest, Mr. Eisler?” 

“I think Ia 

“Was the abortion honest?” Jennifer 
asked, and the waiter came with our 
second round. 

“Here we go, sir,” he said. “Scotch on 
the rocks, vodka martini, straight up. I'm 
going to leave you now for just a few 
minutes to get some of those hot hors 


ids today 


d'ocuvres from the serving tray. Would 
you like some hot hors d'oeuvres, miss?” 

"Yes, that would be very nice, thank 
you. 

"Ill be back in just a little lı the 
waiter said and smiled and hurried off. 

І decided I had better lead the conver- 
sation where / wanted it to go, rather 
than entrusting it to Jennifer's direction. 
I was no more interested in di: i 
her abortion than 1 was in discussing my 
own appendectomy—less so, in fact. And 
yet, as I asked her about the courses she 
was taking and listened to the answers 
she gave, another conversation threaded 
itself through my mind and through the 
discussion we were presently engaged in, 
my son Adam coming to us in the living 
тоот just as John and Louise Garrod 
were saying good night, my son's blue 
eyes searching my face, scrub beard grow- 
ing in patchily, long hair trailing like a 
Sienese page’s—"Dad, I'd like to talk to 
you a minute, please.” 

And Abby jokingly saying to him, 
“Adam, if you're going to tell us that 
Jennifer's pregnant. please let it wait till 
morning, this has been a busy day,” and 
John and Louise laughing. 

And Adam smiling with his mouth but 
not his eyes and then asking me again, 
gently but insistently, if I would please 
come to his room, because there was 
something important he wanted to dis 
cuss with me. 

In his room (and all of this rushed 
through my mind as Jennifer. close to 
mc now, sipped at her Scotch and started 
telling me about a really great professor. 
at the school), Adam sat on the edge of 
his bed and said, flatout, “Dad, Jenni- 
fer’s two weeks late and we think she's 
pregnant.” And I remember thinking 
how wonderful it was that my son could 
talk so honestly to his father—what was 
all this стар about a generation gap? 
And I remember telling him there was 
no need to worry yet; why, when I was 
his age, I had sweated out a dozen similar 
scares, and he told me, “Dad, Jennifer's 
never been late before.” And I remem- 
ber assuring him that perhaps her own 
anxiety was causing the delay, thinking 
all the while how proud I was of this 
marvelous open discussion 1 was having 
with my son and convinced in my own 
mind, of course, that Jennifer was nol 
pregnant, Jennifer could not be pregnant. 

But Jennifer was. 

“—Near the school,” she said now. 
“Are you familiar with San Francisco?” 

“Not really.” 

“Then the address wouldn't mean апу- 
thing to you.” 

“No, it wouldn't. Do you live alone?” 

"Гус got two roommates.” 

“Berkeley girls?” 

“Marcie’s at Berkeley, yes. Paul's in 


107 


PLAYBOY 


108 


Why should 1?” 
You shouldn't 
aul have been 
most а year and 
ing wrong with them li 

“I didn't say there was. 

“I mean, I do have my own room and 
everything, you know. We're not, like, 
having a mass orgy up there, if that's what 
you're thinking,” 

“Im not thinking anything of the 
sort,” I said and picked up my drink. 
Jennifer was studying me and I was 
uncomfortably aware of her gaze. 

It’s just what you're thinking," she 
said. “Well, you happen to be wrong. 
Paul's like a brother to me. I mean, ме 
all walk around the ‘tment in our 
underwear, for God's sake. It’s not what 
She paused, searching for a 
Paul even urinates with the 
bathroom door open,” she 

“J see," I said. 

“It isn't what you think at all.” 

“Apparently not.” 

Jennifer suddenly began laughing. 
What?” I said. 

“1 just thought of something very 
funny.” 

‘What is it?” 

“Well, Marcie got a call from home 
just before the spring break, you know? 
From her mother, you know? Who want- 
ed to know what her plans were and all 
that. I took the call, you see, and I knew 
that Marcie and Paul were in the bed- 
room, you know, doing it, you know. So 
1 carried the phone in—we've got this 
real long extension cord—and there's 
Paul on top of her, and 1 handed the 
phone to Marcie and I said, ‘It’s for 
you, dear. It's your morher.'" Jennifer 
burst out laughing again. “What a great 
girl! Do you know what she did? She 
took the phone, Paul still on top of her 
and not missing a beat, and she went 
into this long conversation with her 
mother about plane connections and res- 
ervations and some new clothes she'd 
bought—oh, God, it was hilarious! 

“Yes, it does sound very comical.” 

“You disapprove, right?” 

“I'm not your father,” I said. “I wish 
you'd stop asking me whether I approve 
or disapprove.” 

“I sometimes used to think of you as 
my father,” Jennifer said. “When Adam 
and I were still in high school and I 
used to come over all the time. My own 
fathers a son of a bitch, you know. 
Getting him to say two straight words. 
a row is like expecting the Sphinx to do 
a culogy on Moshe Dayan. Well, you re- 
member how he was when we learned 1 
pregnant." 

1 thought he handled it pretty well,” 


actually. Marcie and 
aking it together for al- 


wi 


I said and then quickly changed the 
subject a You said Paul was in the 
construction business. What does he do?” 

“He's an electrician, He's not a kid, 
you understand.” 

“No, I didn't understand th: 

“Oh, God, he's almost as old as you 
are. How old are you?” 

“Forty-one.” 

“Well, no, he’s not quite that old.” 

“Nobody's quite that old,” I said. 

“Well, you are,” Jennifer sa 
drained her glass. “Do you think we сап 
nother one of these? Paul's only 
пе, I guess. Or forty. I'm not sure 
ҮН have to ask him when I get home." 

“Home?” 

"San Francisco. The apartment" 

“I see.” 

“That’s home,” Jennifer said simply 
and 1 signaled for the waiter. He hurried 
over with the hors d'oeuvres he had 
promised, looking harried and apologetic. 

“Sorry to have taken so long with 
these, sir,” he said, "but I had some calls 
for drinks and 1. 

“That's quite all right,” I said. “We'd 
like another round, too, when you get а 
dl се.” 

“Yes, sir,” he said, “right away. In the 
meantime, we've got these nice little 
cocktail [ranks and these little hot-cheese 
patties and some of these things wrapped 
in bacon, here—I don't know what you 
call them. Enjoy yourselves, folks.” 

7 shank you,” I said. 

“TI get those drinks for you,” he 
and rushed off. 

Jennifer picked up one of the tiny 
frankfurters and popped it into her 
mouth. "Mmm," she said, “delicious. I'm. 
starved to death, I may eat the whole 
damn platter.” 

"Maybe we ought to leave here and 
get some dinner,” I said. 

“What?” 

on eg 
together. 

Jennifer nodded. She nodded and 
looked into her empty glass, Then she 
ішпей to me and stared directly into my 
eyes and said, "What you really mean, 
Mr. Eisler, is maybe we can go to bed 
together. Isn't that what you really 
mean?” 

1 stared back at her. She was а beauti- 
ful young girl in a strange town and 
my wife was 700 air miles away on 
a fire escape with the head of crea- 
tion. Moreover, my own son had been 
making love to her regularly when they 
were both still in high school, she'd been 
pregnant at least once to my knowledge, 
she had undergone an abortion for 
which I had paid $1000 and she was now 
running around in her bra and panties 
in an apartment with a 40-year-old man 
who urinated with the door open. I did 
not honestly know whether I wanted to 
take her to dinner or take her to bed. 


maybe we сап have dinner 


"Isn't that what you'd really like to 
do, Mr. Eisleri 
“Maybe,” I said and smiled. 


Be honest. I'm over twenty-one, well 
beyond the age of consent.” 

"Are you consenting?” 

“Are you asking?" 

I didn’t answer. 1 picked up my drink. 
The as empty. I looked toward 
the bar for the waiter 

"Go ahead, Mr, Eisler. Ask me.” 

“I don't think I will,” I said. 

“Why по?” 

“Maybe because you still call me Mr. 
Eisler.” 

Jennifer laughed and said, "What 
shall 1 call you? Sam? That's your name, 
isn't it?" 

"Yes, my name is Sam." 

“I prefer Mr. Eisler. Come on, Mr. 
Eisler. Ask me. 

The waiter brought our third round 
and put the drinks on the table. He 
seemed about to leave us. Then he 
hesitated, turned back and said, “I'm 
certainly glad we cleared up ош mis- 
nding, sir. 

Yes, I am, too.” 

"One thing I hate to do is irritate a 
customer. You realize, though, that 1 
have to ask for identification if some- 
body looks underage. Otherwise —' 

"Yes I understand your position," I 
said. 

‘Otherwise, like, suppose I serve some 
kid and we happen to have the law in 
here; why, we could lose our liquor license 
just like that. 

Yes, of course you could.” 

“Listen,” Jennifer said suddenly and 
sharply, “why don't you leave us alone? 
We're trying to talk here.” 

“What?” the waiter said. 
What?” Jennifer mi 
I'm sorry, I just 

“Don't be so sorry, just leave.” 

The waiter's jaw was hanging open 
He looked at Jennifer in hurt surpr 
then turned to me for support. I busied 
myself with the hot-cheese patties. The 
ter shrugged, picked up his tay and 
started walking back toward the bar, 
slowly, his shoulders slumped. 


“He was only- 

“He was a pain in the ass,” Jennifer 
said. She picked up her fresh drink, 
drained half of it in a single swallow and 
then sud, “I never did thank you for the 
abortion, did I?" 

“There was no need” 

“Oh, I'd like to thank you, Mr. Eisler.” 

“АЙ right, so thank me.” 

“Thank you.” 

“You're welcome. Now let's" 

“And I think you ought to thank me,” 
Jennifer said. 

“I thank you,” I said and gave her a 
small nod. 


(concluded on page 261) 


TRANSIT 
OF 
EART 


fiction 
By ARTHUR C. CLARKE 


of course, it was another giant 
step for mankind, but fiftcen 


astronauts had come to mars... 


TESTING, four, 
fiv... 

Evans speaking. 1 will continue to 
record as long as possible. This is a 
two-hour capsule, but I doubt if TII 
fill it. 


one, two, three, 


That photograph has haunted me 
all my life; now, too late, I know 
why. (But would it have made any 
difference if 1 had known? That's 
опе of those meaningless and un- 


...and only ten would return 


answerable questions the mind keeps 
returning to endlessly, like the 
tongue exploring a broken tooth.) 
I've not scen it for years, but Гус 
only to close my eyes and I'm back 
in a landscape almost as hostile— 
and as beautiful—as this one. Fifty 
million miles sunward, and 72 years 
in the past, five men face the camera 
amid the antarctic snows. Not even 
the bulky furs can hide the exhaus- 
tion and defeat that mark every line 


of their bodies; and their faces are 
already touched by death. 

There were five of them. There 
were five of us, and of course we 
also took a group photograph. But 
everything ele was different. We 
were smiling—cheerful, confident. 
And our picture was on all the 
screens of Earth within ten minutes. 
It was months before their camera 
was found and brought back to 


civilization. 


And we die in .comfort, with 
all modern conveniences—including 
many that Robert Falcon Scott could 
never have imagined, when he stood 
at the South Pole in 1912... 


Two hours later. I'll start 
ing exact times when it 
important. 

Alll the facts are on the log, and 
by now the whole world knows them. 
So I guess I’m doing this largely (о 


settle my mind—to talk myself into 
facing the inevitable. The trouble 
is, I'm not sure what subjects to 
avoid, and which to tackle head on. 
Well, only one way to find 
out 

The firse item. In 24 hours, at the 
very most, all the oxygen will be 
gone. That leaves me with the three 
classical choices. I сап let the CO, 
build up until I become unconscious. 
I can step outside and crack the suit, 


leaving Mars to do thc job in about 
two minutes. Or I can use one of the 
tablets in thc med k 

CO, build-up. Everyone says that's 
quite easy—just like going to sleep 
I've no doubt that's true; unfortu- 
nately, in my case its amociated 
with nightmare number one. . 

I wish I'd never come across that 
damn book . True Stories of 
World War Two, ок whatever it was 
called. (continued on page 210 ) 


112 


When toasting 
the New Year 
a welcome 


attire By ROBERT L. GREEN 


"71, you'll find the b 
loosening of the sartorial ties that once bound the male to a 


with a formal bash circ. 
rigid penguin look. left, is clegantly 
wearing a silk-satin single-breasted one-button suit, 
ignature-print silk body shirt, 565. both by Bruno Piattelli 
Moving to the right: The next style setter has 


made a logical fashion progression by donning a geometrically 
patterned velvet dinner jacket with shawl lapels and solid- 
colored flared-leg formal trousers, both. by Lord West, $18! 
cotton pleated-front shirt, by Excello, $13, and the tradition 
butterfly bow tie, b 5 50. Approving sloc 
eyes are focused on the third cel earing а velvet w 
button single-breasted suit with notched lapels and deep cen- 
ter vent, 8275, cotton embroidered shirt, $55, and butterfly 


bow, 58.50, all by Meledandri. The anything-but-conserv: 

end man at far right comes on big in a belted cotton-velver suit 
that features brass buttoned flap patch pockets and flared-leg 
trousers with Western-cut pockets, $120, an acetate satin 
barrekculled body shirt with long-pointed collar, $20, both by 
Make Outs of After Six, and a silk scarf, by Handcraft, 57.50. 


FOR THE HOLIDAYS 
FORMAL WEAR... 


black tie—with avant adaptations—returns to center stage for a smashing year-end appearance 


food and drink ByT MAS MARIO 


inner jackets, have recently un 
he stereotyped 


a а ang y 
and suckli › Worked to death for so many 
N L 1 ҚА ventas cn 
... baronial favorite 


as befits the occasion, a sumptuous candlelight dinner that begins with beluga and ends with bubbly 


Holiday plum pudding, overladen with spices and groaning 
with its own weight, yields pride of place to pears blazing in 
créme de menthe spooned over a luscious mound of ice cream. 
But whatever the details of your year-end feast may be, the 


principal formula for an auspicious house party is clear: Ele- 
et equal billing. 

nvite to a black-tie affair should be, for the 
hey will come not just to savor 


gance and ease should 
The guests you 
most part, your closest friends. 


the lobster soufllé or the sauce maltaise or the champagne or to 
display their formal finery but to toast their friendship with 
raised glasses, whether your base of operations is a town house, 
penthouse or pied-à-terre. 

Five or six couples are sensible numbers for an intimate 
holiday party. A group of 12 is large enough to be festive but 
manageable enough so that a single voice doesn't һауе to 
struggle to break through the sound barrier. Most importantly, 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY FRANCESCO SCAVULLO 


PLAYBOY 


you needn't spend your time going from 
group to group to make sure that cor- 
diality is unconfined. 

Whether you invite 10 or 12 or 14 
guests will depend to a large extent on 
опе elementary consideration—the size 
of your dining room. It should be suf- 
ficiently large so that those at table can 
comfortably sit or rise to make a toast, 
and be served without the waiter having 
to squeeze between chair and wall. If 
your present table isn't large enough, 
both table and chairs can be rented. It's 
unwise to plan a black-tie dinner par- 
ty where groups must be assigned to 
different tables—sometimes in different 
rooms. At a huge buffet blowout, where 
guests sandwich themselves in at the 
most convenient spot, individual tables 
are practical; but when dinner guests are 
awaiting the New Year, intimacy should 
be the keynote. 

Your invitations to a New Year's Eve 
dinner party should always be made as 
early as possible. Be sure to make it dear 
that it's black tie. Give prospective guests 
а specific time both for cocktail and for 
dinner. If you intend to. toast the mid- 
night hour at the dinner table, cocktails 
should be available from 8:30 onward and 
guests should be seated about 9:30 or 10 
o'clock. If you plan to have a party break 
after dinner and draw the champagne 
corks later in another room, perhaps 
before a blazing fire, the dinner hour 
should be earlier. The menu you plan 
should be flexible so that preparation 
time can be easily moved an hour in 
either direction. 

High on the host's list of pre-party 
preparation is getting competent help for 
cooking, serving and bartending. It's ask- 
ing for needless headaches to try to be 
host, servant, butler and cook all rolled 
into опе. You may want to do part of 
the cooking the day before the dinner to 
ease lastminute preparations During 
cocktails, you may want to check the 
progress of the meal in the kitchen and, 
at the table, you might want to do the 
carving yourself, But the real test of your 
ability to run the show is whether you're 
enjoying it all as much as your guests. 
For a party of 12, you should, therefore, 
hire at least two people, a bartender- 
butler and a cook. Every employment 
agency for domestics keeps a roster of 
people available for holiday assignments. 
It’s best to call as early as possible. Even 
those employment agencies that don't 
normally check up on their employees do. 
follow up on those they send out for the 
once-a-year holiday jobs. Among the best 
agencies, any employee who fails to show 
up for a holiday assignment without a 
valid reason is persona non grata there- 


nig alter. The most competent help is usu- 


ally at the beck of the private agencies 
that have had long experience with the 
carriage trade. Many of them have lists 
of people who have steady jobs during 
the year but who get weckends off and 
are eager to moonlight for a well-paying 
holiday assignment. In some cases, you 
may find such help on the stafls of men's 
dubs, which are normally deserted on 
New Year's Eve, or in elegant restaurants 
in the business district that are not open 
at night. It isn't terribly important 
whether or not the people you hire have 
worked together before—but it helps. 
You should, however, spell out before- 
hand just what their duties will be. If, for 
instance, the cook is expected to prepare 
the whole dinner from scratch, and if 
you want the cook follow specific 
recipes of your own, it’s a good idea to 
call in the employee the day before the 
party to review both men 
as well as your own cool 
A professional cook of high E 
ally does not serve at the table. At a 
small party of a dozen or so people, 
the cook and bartender-butler usually 
take care of all the kitchen cleanup. 
Just what their going rate of pay will 
be depends upon the section of the 
country in which you live; but this, 
too, is always settled upon comfortably 
in advance. Tips should not be bestowed 
automatically, but if you've had good 
service and, especially, if you might have 
need of them again, you should give 
something extra (15 percent is ample) at 
the end of the evening. 

Cocktails before the New Year's Eve 
dinner should be made from liquors of 
distinguished labels as an augury of the 
feast to follow. One of the best ways of 
keeping pre-dinner drinks to а reason- 
able minimum so that your guests may 
properly enjoy your holiday meal is to 
offer hors d'oeuvres that are as different 
from the usual assorted canapés as a 
vintage champagne from a cooking wine. 
Fresh Beluga caviar is the opulent, abso- 
lute monarch of the hors d'oeuvre table; 
all gourmet shops receive a fresh supply 
of it at this time of the year. Its price, 
extortionately expensive most months, is 
frequently reduced for the holidays. The 
most prized of the sturgeon eggs, of 
course, is the large, light gray Beluga 
cayiar; the second best is the Sevruga 
caviar, with somewhat smaller eggs. 
‘Third in line is the Beluga caviar in 
sealed jars that is somewhat saltier and 
smaller than the fresh but that can be 
stored for months if not used. The only 
other hors d'oeuvre that can sit on the 
same throne with Beluga caviar is gen- 
vine páté de foie gras. If both hors 
d'oeuvres are in the ki ransom class, 
it's not just their scarcity but because 
they are the most delectable appetizers 


you can offer to the people whom you 
most esteem—your New Year's Eve din- 
ing companions. 

Years аро, it was the custom to offer 
four wines with a four-course dinner, a 
practice that is followed less and less 
these days. At the beginning of the din- 
ner, the Spanish custom of offering a 
freshly opened bottle of a fino sherry 
and passing it with both the soup and the 
seafood makes wonderful dining sense. 
The great sherries are always elegant 
curtain raisers; when 2 renowned red 
wine is later offered with the roast, the 
wine will be enjoyed for its own magnif- 
icent flavor; it won't have to compete 
with a wine that preceded it. Cham- 
pagne or an haut sauterne may be 
offered with the dessert; but if the des- 
sert includes a flaming liqueur, wine 
is unnecessary. The wine you select for 
the roast of a New Year's Eve dinner 
should bear а chateau label of one of the 
great growths if it's a Bordeaux or be one 
of the eminent estate-bouled burgundies. 
Among French champagnes, the “із, 
"625, '64s and "66s were all great vintages 
of the past decade. 

The old saying that elegance is not a 
manly ornament is daily proved false by 
the clothes we wear, the furniture with 
which we live and the cars in which we 
ride. Add to the list the following New 
Year's Eve menu. Recipes are for 12 


Beluga Caviar, Páté de Foie Cras 
Oyster Barquettes, Buckwheat 
Crepes 

Clear Turtle and Tomato Soup 

Fresh Lobster Souffié 

Roast Crown and Saddle of Lamb, 
Black Currant Jelly 

Potatoes Lorette 

Broccoli, Sauce Maltaise 

Celery Knob, Fresh Mushroom and 
Sweet Pepper Salad 

Ice Cream with Créme de Menthe 
Pears, Grasshopper Sauce 

Demitasse 


For 12 guess, 1% Ibs. caviar will be 
generous. Keep it chilled until served. 
It should be in its original tin, sur- 
rounded with cracked ice, at the hors 
d'oeuvre table. Alongside the caviar, 
there should be a bowl of sour cream 
mixed with finely chopped fresh chives. 
Offer warm buckwheat crepes with a 
dollop each of caviar and sour cream. 
Páté de foie gras should also be served, 
chilled in its original crock. Serve it on 
tiny rounds of toasted French bread or 
Melba toast. The boatshaped patty 
shells called barquettes are available at 
French bakeries and gourmet shops. Li 
them with softened butter mixed with 
horseradish. Add a small, freshly shucked 
oyster. Serve with tiny wedges of lemon. 

(continued on page 265) 


opinion 
By DAVID HALBERSTAM 


a pulitzer prize-winning 
Journalist diagnoses the critical 
wounds to the american 

Spirit inflicted by our 

tragic war in southeast asia 


1 REMEMBER THIS INCIDENT. It was in 1962 
and the Ngo Dinh Diem regime was at 
the height (if that word can be used) of 
its powers. The Viet Gong were stealing 
the country away at night out in the 
provinces; but in Saigon, which was all 
that mattered in that feudal society, 
Diem and his family controlled all. He 
won elections by a comforting 99 per- 
cent. His photo was everywhere; his name 
was in the national anthem. He con 
trolled almost every seat in the assembly. 
He owned the Vietnamese press. The 
constitution was his. The American am 
bassador was his messenger boy; a four- 
star American general believed his every 
word. If Diem could not control the Viet 
Cong, he could control the Americans. 
АП, unfortunately, but their press. That 
was the shame of it: if you accepted mil- 
lions of their dollars, you had to let in 
their reporters It rankled with Diem 


but even more with high-anking mem- 
bers of the American mission. The press. 
not the Viet Gong, was the only problem 
in Vietnam, General Paul Harkins told 
Defense Secretary McNan If they 
could only control the American press, 
housebreak them. Censor them. Some- 
thing like that. 

It rankled in particular with the head 
of the Central Intelligence Agency there, 
а man we may call |. К. In those days, 
1 did not think of J. R. as being a rep- 
resentative of a democracy. He was a 
private man, responsible to по con- 
stituency. Later, I was to think of him 
as being more representative of America 
than I wanted, in that he held power, 
manipulated it, had great money to spend 
—all virtually unchecked by the public 
eye. J.R, of course, bristled over the 
problems of working for a democracy He 
ed the press intensely, It was all too 
open. How could one counter commu- 
nism, which was J. R's mission—liule 
black tricks that never worked, lots of in- 
telligence (mostly lies) coming in from 
his agents—with a free press that caused 
trouble and was read by suspicious Sena 
tors and Congressmen? How could опе 
accomplish anything with them? He deliv- 
ered these tirades from time to time and, 
one night, he made one to William True 
heart, then deputy chief of mission. one of 


ara. 


the few high-ranking Americans to leave 
Vietnam with their integrity intact. J. R. 
went to it—against a free press, free rc- 
porting, lack of controls—what could 
serious men do? We had to stop thi 
Look at the way Diem handled publ 
information and the way the Commu- 
nists handled theirs. Finally, Trucheart 
gently interrupted: yes, it was all true, 
but if we didn’t watch out, if we did 
these things and controlled the press, we 
might very well end up just the same as 
the Communists. 

We were all much younger then. Spiro 
Agnew was a betterthan-average munic 
ipal official outside Baltimore; John 
Mitchell was selling municipal bonds; 
and SNCC was considered a radical and 
dangerous civil rights group. Who would 
have thought that the little war, this 
mockery of a war, would finally give the 
U.S. convulsions that would threaten its 
fiber, its confidence, its democratic tradi 
tions, so that what had seemed like the 
promise of a golden American era under 
Jack Kennedy would end under Lyndon 
Johnson and Richard Nixon with the 
darker shadows of another Weimar Ке- 
public hanging over us? Who would have 
thought that the tail would wag the йор; 
that as Saigon had seemed distant, ar- 
rogant and removed from its countryside 
—it was the duty of the peasant to honor 


THE VIETNAMIZATION OF AMERICA 


PLAYBOY 


118 


the government, to кет aboard, or the 
recourse would be force— Washington 
would seem ever more separated from the 
rest of its country. as though somehow 
there were a great moat around it? Each 
capital would come to be the mirror image 
of the other. Our country's nerves were 
jangled, its values were changing, it knew 
instinctively what did and did not work, 
and it regarded Washington as a manu- 
facturer of most of what did not function, 
Washington was distant, remoyed and, 
уез, arrogant: there was a genuine swag- 
ger to Agnew. And there was an insen- 
sitivity to the real problems of the 
population and a belief that when those 
feelings were too openly and defiantly 
expressed, the only recourse was force. 

We. who had been so sure, would ex- 
port our values to Vietnam, where surely 
they would work. But our values would 
fail there, and, in failing, would so dam- 
age the major organism as to diminish 
{ in our democracy. The liberal 
demoaatic center, so damaged by the 
war, would begin to come apart. In its 
place would grow a new angry, alienat- 
ed, militant and sometimes violent left 
(told not to be violent, its spokesmen 
would cite the national violence carried 

in Vietnam); and then, in turn, on 
ht, a new menacing nationalism— 
anti-intellectual, bitter about the 
ges to authority from the left, bit- 
bout what they had done to the flag. 
truction workers joyously beat up 
protestors, encouraged. it occasional- 
ly seemed, by the White House. 

“The war had resurrected and given us 
Richard Nixon, who gave us Spiro Ag- 
new, who would sound so much like 
J- R-; the problem was not the war and 
not the racial failure; it was those who 
wrote about them and those who protest 
ed them. Agnew spoke harshly and there 
was a touch of menace, ап implicit 
threat in what he said when he talked 
about the press, particularly the TV net- 
works. And Nixon gave us John Mitchell, 
who threatencd, or promised—it was 
hard to tell the difference with him— 
that there was no such thing as the New 
Left, that the country was going so far 
right that we would not recognize it, One 
sensed with Mitchell, in those appear- 
ances on Meet the Press, a desperate 
attempt to control himself, not to say 
what he really thought; one could get a 
bener glimpse of the real Mitchell 
through the words of his wife. A peace 
march reminded her of the Russian Revo- 
lution, h all those liberal-Communists 

п town A shame they couldn't be de 
ported. And, of course, her threatening 
late hour phone calls to the Senators and 
newspapers that disagreed with her and 
her husband. 

It wasn't surprising that Mitchell was 
an ominous figure in the county, for it 
s a sign of our times that we had 
politicized the police, that most da 
ous of all acts in а democracy. 


he 


police had become a symbol, good or 
bad, depending upon which America you 
chose. They were a political force now 
and well aware of it. They had champi- 
ons right through to the top; it was 
old-fashioned to be neutral about the 
cops, to think that their job was simply 
to enforce the laws. The laws themselves 
had become so controversial. So had the 
Presidency. The national anthem. The 
flag. The length of Marines һай. Bob 
Hope. Even football coaches, The out- 
pouring of grief from the older and more 
authori inded America on the 
death of Vince Lombardi was extraordi- 
nary. He was the best of all possible sym- 
bols, a strict authoritarian and. better yet, 
a winner. When Lombardi died. the New 
York Daily News, perhaps the most ра. 
wiotic if least informative of our major 
newspapers, gave him the space usually 
reserved for someone like Franklin 
Roosevelt or Dwight Eisenhower. And 
sportswriter Dick Young wrote: "Vince 
Lombardi has died and there is great 
sadness among the good people. He has 
left the world too soon, almost as though 
he couldn't stand to see what was hap- 
pening to it. There is no longer a place 
for Vince Lombardi. He believed sav- 
agely in cop. in COUNTRY and in FAMILY.” 
It was astonishing the way the war 
dominated the county and distorted 
the process of American life. There was 
ап irony to this, because the men who 
had planned the war had realized that 
Asian jungles are tricky and had planned 
a technological and mechanistic war with 
low Amer casualties—a маг that 
would infect American society as little as 
possible. In a limited sense, they were 
right; considering how much kill 
merican casualties rem: 
But there was a special price, a price to 
the soul: what it did was change the 
values of a nation, turn it away from 
the technological thinking that had pro- 
duced the war. We were at the height of 
our powers: we poured 80 billion dollars 
a year into the defense budget. (John 
McNaughton, a former Assistant Defense. 
Secretary. once told a group of Scnato- 
rial aides: Well, yes, it would take about. 
one billion dollars to defend the United 
States, so that anything more in the 
budget was simply a reflection of our 
view of ourselves as a world power.) 
Thus the New Romans, with 79 billion 
dollars worth of empire. Technological 
Romans. Yet the iron of this power, a 
nation that sent men to the moon and 
brought them back, that has interconti- 
mental missiles, nucl bmarines—all 
the hardware—seemed curiously threat- 
ened. When bombs went off in Ame 
ica, and they did despite the defense 
budget, they were bombs thrown from 
within, thrown by Americans, thrown in 
protest of the defense budget as much as 
anything else, 
Vietnam had tur 
challenged ош 


le down, 
ump- 


ed us up: 
fundamental 


tions. Indeed, as late as May 1970, Jo- 
seph Alsop, a hawk columnist who had 
helped invent the war and had writte 
nistically each year since 1962 about 
victory, had noticed during 
frequent trips to the U.S. that 
all was not well here. He had written а 
mator Edward Kennedy, de- 
ploring “the political lunacy" of the 
young in “passionately demonstia 
against your ow ses on 
the battlefield." (Alsop's belief that Ken- 
nging his stand on the war, 
gc the young showed that he 
knew almost as litle about American 
politics as about Vietnamese politics) 
To which Kennedy, youngest brother 
and political heir to two men who 
had helped initiate the war, wrote in one 
of the most eloquent dissections of what 
had happened here: “We are a nation 
constantly being reborn, and we can 
thank our God that those newly arrived 
‘our society will not casually accept the 
views and presumptions of their fathers, 
much less their errors. They do not pro- 
test their ‘country's successes on the bat- 
tlefield; doubtful as those successes may 
be; they protest the very existence of the 
battlefield, for it has no place in their 
vision of the country that is to be theirs. 
And E support them in that.” 
It was not just the war, of course, that 
tearing the fabric of this society; 
there were many other factors that con 
tributed to the division: the 
vacuum that seemed to accompany mate 
vial affluence and technolo SUCCESS, 
the great racial sores in the country 
the hypocrisy in much of American life. 
But finally, it was the war that magnified 
all faults, that eroded if not destroyed 
the faith of so many people in this coun 
ty. We had set out to impose our values 
on a foreign land; we would help them, 
teach them good things, We found 
them a president, wrote them a constitu 
tion, bought them an army. What 
more could they want? But we leamed 
that they did not want these things. 
Then, having seen our values Гай there, 
we reexamined them here at home and 
found the definition of our society, and 
wi constituted. success, 
had begun the Sixties sure of our valucs, 
willing to export them to all nations: 
advisors, Peace Corps people, Alliance for 
Progress workers. On reflection, there was 
a colossal arrogance to n that 
sought to aid the poor of the world but 
would not help its poor at home; to à 
Congress that would approve all kinds ol 
programs to help the poor Vietnam. 
ese peasants fatten their pigs so they 
would have juicier pork than the Viet 
Cong but sat back and laughed and 
joked when a bill came up asking for 
Federal funds to be used ag 
in the nation's 
Mayor John Li 
city abounding 


wa 


dsay of New York, a 
п smog, 1 failure 
(continued on page 166) 


OR 


each of the seasons furnishes a key to 
the lives of four strange, restless women 


By ALBERTO MORAVIA 
ILLUSTRATED BY DOMENICO GNOLI 


К" Tam, all alone, My husband has gone off to his office, without even saying goodbye, 
as he usually does. My son came and kissed and embraced me tenderly before going out 
with his fiancée to buy things for her trousseau. My daughter came іп for a moment, paraded 
herself in front of me in a new dress and then went out with a girlfriend—or so she said. 
Tam all alone and, strange to tell, as soon as 1 am alone I stop being the affectionate mother 
and wife, tireless, solicitous, bustling, anxious, never taking a moment's rest from family 
duties. I become instead a cold, cynical creature, clear-headed and wicked. It's a curious 
metamorphosis. It astonishes me and even frightens me a little. A short while ago at the 
table, I was worrying myself about the family's health. For instance I said to my daughter, 
who will not eat because she's dieting, “Eat; you're anemic; you must eat.” To my son, 
who tends to drink too much, "Don't drink those cocktails and all that muck. It's bad for you; 
don't you know it's bad for you?’ To my husband, who never walks (concluded on page 228) 119 


SUR ies 


was born and brought up in a family of lawyers. My grandfather and my father were 
lawyers, and I myself married a lawyer. I should add that every one of them practiced 
criminal law. So I grew up in the midst of passions, or rather, among the consequences of 
passions: crimes, violence, intrigues, sorrows, loves and hatreds. I am a practical woman, 
without imagination, cool and self-controlled. Possibly this is a result of all the debates I've 
had with these stern, old-fashioned men who always thought of human nature as a volcano 
in constant eruption. Even so, І must have in me a secret taint of emotionalism, This showed 
itself in my enthusiasm for opera and in particular for the operas of Verdi. I have been 
going to the opera all my life and I haven't missed a single one of Verdi's operas. As a 
child and as a girl, 1 often used to go to the opera with my grandfather and father, who 
went there because it was the social thing to do; and later with my husband, who went in 
order to make me happy. In their speeches at the law courts, they could explain anything 
129 аза result of human passions, but my grandfather, my father and (continued on page 231) 


Ев almost time to leave. I still haven't dressed and I'm in the midst of a chaos of piled-up 
suitcases, wardrobes hanging open, drawers gutted, chairs full of clothes I've locked at 
and rejected. As usual, I have the impression that time is getting short. Still, I know for sure 
that I'll have everything done in time—an irritating contradiction. It's true that there are a 
thousand things left to finish: take a shower, put on my make-up, do my hair, choose a dress 
for the journey and, finally, even telephone to Benno. He's the young and extremely hand- 
some German who's in love with me. I have to tell him to forget about me and to think of 
that affair of ours, three months ago, as a lucky (for him) adventure and nothing more. 
One thing I especially have to tell him—I haven't time any longer. Loving needs time, 
and where can I find time for loving when I haven't even time to breathe? Now I'm over 40, 
and I have the responsibility, as the fashion magazines describe me, of being the seventh- 
best-dressed woman in the world. I only have time for things that I can plan in time, that is, 
fixed to an exact date. Invitations, journeys, receptions, safaris, (continued оп page 270) 


121 


MER 


took the vial of sleeping pills and emptied all of it into a glass of water on my bedside 

table. How many tablets were there? Several, more than enough to carry me on the long 
journey to paradise all in one go, with no stops on the way. I watched them as they melted: 
They formed a white heap at the bottom of the glass, and a lot of little air bubbles rose up 
through the water and burst at the surface. Just at that moment the telephone rang. I recog- 
nized the voice of Magda, my dear, plump friend. Immediately, I said to her, "You've 
telephoned just in time to say goodbye to me.” 

"Why?" she asked, with her incurious tone. 

“Because І am just on the point of killing myself with barbiturates,” I answered. 

Magda is never surprised at anything. Perhaps that is why we're friends. I myself am 
always surprised at everything; what surprises me, fundamentally, is not so much actual 
things as that things exist at all. Faced, let's say, with a stone, I stop; I am stuck; I am aston- 

iz ished: How is it possible that a thing called a stone should exist? (continued on page 267) 


HIGH: COST OR пау, 


reflections on the bitch-goddess by nine authors who have scored with her 


MANET FAO) 


THE GODFATHER 
= Mario Puzo spent years 
as a scrambling, debt-ridden 
freelance writer before his 
novel about the Mafia, 
“The Godjather,”’ sold 
7,000,000 copies and solved 
his financial problems— 
пі least for the time being. 
He is presently trying to 
unclutter his life and be- 
gin a new novel. When 
asked what it's about, һе 
replies, “Everything” 

the logistics of being a success are the 
E about it. There's fuckin’ deals—you gotta see your 
agent, your lawyer. I told my lawyer, "I'll pay the fuckin’ taxes 
rather than keep track of everything I spend. I don't want to 
mess around writing that stulf down at the end of the day.” 
Its the worst, worst pain in the ass. You got a lot of money, 
you're supposed to invest. I don't want to be bothered. All the 
stocks go down, everybody's getting wiped ош and meanwhile 
I'm blowing all my dough and I fecl so virtuous I can't tell 
you. The old Ital ve in all those deals, Get the 
money in cash, bury „ buy a house. That's better. 

The curious thing is that Id always been a heavy gambler, 
but since I became successful, 1 don't enjoy gambling any- 
more. I don't understand why. but it's a shame, because it was 
one of my great fun things 

Гус found that success, aside from the moi is not really 
that gratifying. 1 feel uncomfortable giving interviews. And 1 
would never give lectures. I really think I became a success too 
late. It doesn't mean that much anymore, People want to come 
up to you and say how great the book is and that’s nice, but 
you can do without it. 

Success knocks the shit out of your writing. I know why I 
became a writer and that's to have as little contact with the 
world as possible. You feel more comfortable keeping the 
world at a distance. You get into your little cave, you write, 
you come out at times and those little times there's less 
danger. You're exposed for so little time to society and your 
friends. So when you have a success, you got a lot of time on 
your hands, so what do you do? You go out, you meet the 
world. Right? Therefore, you're more exposed to shock, You 
get insulted more, There's a lot of shocks to your nervous 
system in success. It's a shock to me to тесі new people, I 
used to avoid parties. Nobody called and I didn't have the 
time to fool around. So now I go out. Right? And it's great. 
Em a wheel. But now because I'm a success, I'm exposed and 
1 get zapped. 

Success corrupts your emotional processes. Tt makes you 
impatient with the ordinary aspects of your life, so without 
realizing it, you sometimes put your friends down 
family. The great thing about writing is that it 
corruption away. 

ГИ tell you, I'm glad I'm successful. I did it and I'm glad. 
But the thing is, if you can't be young again, what the hell's 
the difference? And I don't like to own things. I never even 
bought a new car. I bought one suit. My agent took me out 
and made me buy а $400 suit. I hate that fuckin’ suit, 


124 


JAMES) DICKEN 


DELIVERANCE 


James Dickey is one of 
America's finest poets, A 
collection of his poetry— 
“Buckdancer's Choice” — 
won the National Book 
Award in 1966. With his 
first novel, “Deliverance,” а 
tale of sudden violence and 
unexpected evil, he now 
ranks аза brilliant writer of 
fiction. He is presently writ- 
er in residence at the Uni 
versity of South Carolina. 

"The main feeling 1 have is that this is something that really 
is not for me. Whar do the Chinese say? He who rides a tiger 
fears to dismount. Well, 1 figure to ride this particular tiger 
1 he drops, because I don't think I'm going to get another 
nd 1 don't want to feel obligated to get another tiger 
fine, but to try to get a wagon train of tigers, that's 
something 1 don't really want. 

The thing is, you have the feeling, as in Shakespeare, that 
there is a tide in the affairs of men. You're riding the crest of 
а wave and you got to go with it. If they want you to be on 
these TV shows, that's fine There are lots of people who are 
ppy to take you away from writing. And they'll pay you for 
іш You make а great fuss of saying what a bore it is, but for 
a while you love it, you love it. Like Patton said, 1 love it 
more than my Ше. You think you do. Local reporters and lots 
ol people call you up on the phone late at night and tell you 
they liked your book and always loved your work зо much, 
and it gets a lite irksome. But then after this begins to ti 
off and nobody calls you late at night and you don't get 
letters from publishers and all that, you don't exactly long for 
them to come back. You just wish somebody would call at 
three in the morning, occasionally! 

What seems to me the correct attitude is that for a briel 
spotlighted moment, I'll step up and swing at the ball. You 
move into another orbit, which is the Great American Success 
Orbit. There are a lot of drawbacks, but the best thing about 
it is that it’s so much better than obscurity and failure and 
poverty. 

But you can't commit yourself emotionally to success. It’s 
exactly like Auden's lines, “Time that ts intolerant of the 
brave and innocent, and indifferent in a week to a beautiful 
physique.” In this case, the novel is the beautiful physique. H 
you've had your values upset so you can’t move except in the 
success orbit, then you've done yourself in, you've been had. 
lı inhibits your freedom to write what you want, because 
you're committed to writing another best seller and another 
and another. A writer has gor to remain free to commit 
disasters. 

Before long, 1 want to go back to the solitude. I'm 47 years 
old and, as they say on the pro-football games, the clock is 
running. | know what I want. I want to get on paper 
whatever it was given to me to get on paper. 

1 saw something about Bing Crosby once that said he 
tired of his image and all that and he wanted to go and open 
іп a very small club at minimum union scale. Terrific. There's 
always this fantasy of starting over. Starting over, That's what 
га like to do. Га like to send in poems to small magazines 
with the name James Dickey nol on them. E think that 
would be terrifically exciting, So watch your magazines! 


KURT VONNEGUT, JR: 
SLAUGHTERHOUSE-FIVE 


Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. has 
produced some compelling 
ficlion—most notably “Gal's 
Cradle’ and “Mother 
Night"—but has been well- 
‚known to a relatively few 
loyal readers. “Slaughter 
house-Five,” his first popu 
lar success, is about the 
Dresden fire bombings, of 
which he says simply, 
"There's nothing intelligent 
10 say about a massacre. 

I think Гуе had a reasonable carcer. It seems like а 
perfectly straightforward business story. I didn't have very 
many alternatives to writing, because 1 was never a good 
employee of institutions. so obviously, I had to enter some 
kind of wildcuting operation. My parents and grandparents 
were in the arts, so this didn't seem like a high-risk thing or 
activity outside of society. I sort of took over the Family 
ness and it’s been an orderly development. 

What it cost was years That's the price writers find they've 
paid. Simply that they've grown old. Another price is Шах you 
get to take charge of your own lile. I had to live for 20 years 
us sort of a counterpuncher, and I'm past that now. I'm in the 
area of art for art 10 make any 
more art for a while. You have g of completion that 
comes with success, because this is а successoriented society 
and somehow that turns you off once you've achieved it, so it 
ез for an occupation: 
carcer as a playwright si 
1 don't enteri 


bu 


now, because 1 think it might harm my repu 
think that’s what's going on inside of me, among other things 

The moncy thing now is superfluous and it makes you a 
little sick in the head, actually, because suddenly you have 
to babysit with the money. You have to tune yourself up to 

c. I've tried to think of things 10 want. Гуе tried to 
make myself want a Porsche, because I really do admire а 
Porsche, but I know 1 really don't want one. 

Success hasn't changed my friendships much. But we do get 
invited and inyaded. Dumb kids who think I'm crazy about 
young people try to crash at my house all the timc. I's a 
Small price, but people develop expectations of what you are, 
and when you appear on campus, for instance, they сап be 

isappointed and nasty when you are not the person 
they'd imagined you to be. People who like my books often 
expect me to endorse their lives. 1 often don't. 

What has turned to ashes in my mouth? Nothing. In the 
mail a short time аро, 1 got a doctor of leiters from Grinnell 
College and this marvelous cowl came with it and I wore it all 
day. Га having a fine time. 


consul 


THE SELLING OF THE PRESIDENT 1968 
И 


Joe McGinniss abandoned 
а promising career аз а 
Philadelphia newspaper col- 
umnist to infiltrate Richard 
Nixon's Presidential cam- 
paign and produce a jour- 
nal of that experience that 
revealed the innards of a 
political-PR brain trust and 
became а number-one best 
seller. He is now secluded 
in а country house in New 
Jersey, at work on a novel. 

Before the book, I was writing on a newspaper, which is 
just like working on any regular job. Your life is so ordered 
that you find yourself reacting and thinking in routine ways 
and just accepting things because there’s really no alternative. 
You can change jobs, you can move to diflerent cities, but 
there's this order that seems to have been clamped down on your 
life. Suddenly, all those old patterns are broken. Suddenly, you 
аге able to make decisions about all sorts of really important 
things in your life, like how you are going to spend it. It was 
always kind of cut out from scratch—you go to school, you get 
married, you start working, you go from better job to better 
job and you have a heart attack and you die. It’s all a progres- 
sion down the same track. Suddenly, you jump the track. You 
can start thinking about yourself as a person who is not being 
forced into living the way it's convenient for other people to 
have you live. 

What did it cost? This is a little hairy for me right now, 
because 1 don't know how candid 1 want to be, not just for 
myself but for other people. I don't think it has cost me 
as much personally as it has people who were close to me. Like 
my wife. I was living with her when the book was published 
and I'm not now. It’s not because of the book, but that has 
accelerated the rate of change. 

Success has relieved many more pressures than it has 
presented. At its best, it can allow you to do the best work 
you're capable of; and at its worst, it can allow you to just 
fuck off for an awful long time and not do anything. You 
have the opportunity to get all caught up running fiom 
studio to studio and being a TV celebrity and do speaking 
engagements—all the things you really don't want to do, but 
they look so good because they look so easy. It all comes back 
to what you want to be. Do you want to be a writer, or do 
you want to be Dick Cavett? I don’t think Га be very good at 
being Dick Cavett, and іп the end I really don't want to be. 

I have a desire to be isolated now to get a new book 
written. I'd rather be on the top with the possibility of going 
down than on the bottom, not having started up yet. 1 have 
the opportunity to find out how good I am. There have been 
people who have had enormously successful books who have 
never done anything afterward that came close artistically. Ї 
don't think I'm in quite that position, because my first book 
is not any sort of artistic triumph. It’s a decent piece of journal- 
ism. This didn't come out of my head. This came out of other 
people's mouths, And that’s a big difference. My only talent 
was in just not screwing it up. I really got a lot for very little 
out of the Nixon book. 


STUDS) TERKEL, 


HARD TIMES 


Studs Terkel, Chicago's 
most enthusiastic anti-estab- 
lishmentarian, is а good 
drinker, a good talker and 
an even һейет interviewer 
—which he proved with his 
first book, “Division Street, 
America,” an absorbing 
portrait of Chicago. His lat- 
езі nonfiction work “Hard 
Times” is a massive in- 
depth portrait of Americans 
during the Depression. 

I haven't the vaguest idea what it’s all about. It’s something 
like the blues, A feeling. And, ironically enough, a feeling of 
failure, of kidding oneself, How can personal success—a 
clownish thought, even in better days—he measured as the 
world’s going to hell with all sorts of bangs and whimpers? 
There's no singular joy to the bitch-goddess, True, there's 
an occasional gut feeling of glory. glory, but the head says 
look around you—the hard rain is falling. Emotional yo-yoism 
sets in. 

As for personal habits: I smoke the same cheap cigars, drink 
the same bad booze and ride the same outrageous bus each 
workday morning. My huntand-peck technique at the bruised 
Royal upright hasn't improved at all. There's а noticeable 
increase in mail—kind words and desperate, pleading words 
—and my tardiness in replying (or stuffing the letters in my 
pocket and losing them at some corner bar) compounds my 
feelings of guilt. I just begin to understand Miss Lonelyhearts. 

For some silly reason, Sutton Vanc's mawkish play Outward 
Bound comes to nd: the young Englishman decrying his 
untimely death—“We've such a lot to do. And such a little 
time to do it in.” And the old carol about wondering and 
wandering out under the sky, about how the hell Jesus came 
to die “for poor ornery creatures like you and like I." 

If I had power, as others think "a success" has (even the 
word used as a noun makes me a commodity), I might feel 
differently, Jesus, yes, I'd trade all the good notices tomorrow 
for the power of a brute like Mendel Rivers or for the cout 
of a neighborhood bully like Richard J. Daley. Perhaps, 
then... 

As she looks now, the bitch-goddess is none other than the 
weary B-girl at the nearby tavern. The one I've always known 


125 


126 


MICHAEL CRICHTON! 


THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN 


Michael Crichton, an їп. 
tense, energetic 28-year 
old, drinks too much coffee, 
smokes too many cigarettes, 
worries about his stomach 
and writes thousands of 
words cach day. He was al 
ready weil into his next nov- 
el, “Dealing” (written with 
his brother, Douglas, and 
being serialized in (his maga- 
zine), before “The Androm- 
eda Strain” was published. 

a major alteration in almost 


n you fear as much as you desire. The principal things 
happen to you are fairly subtle and the external manifesta- 
tions are kind of like the surfaces of icebergs. One of the 
extern 


l manifestations in my personal life is a divorce, which 


hé—young guy, he's successful, is getting divorced. 
"That kind of situation is complicated, the result of all kinds 
of small factors that reflect big sorts of con ions that have 
to affect any young American male who experiences early suc- 
cess. І don't know whether it would have been possible for 
me to structure this experience so that it would not lead in 
some way to a divorce. 

And suddenly you find yourself with a lot of money and you 
must make some accommodation to it, Finally, there is a fair 
amount of personal attention, interviews, talk shows and a 
direct attention to your writing in the form of reviews and 
aiticism. My response initially to all of this was to pretend that 
none of it had happened. 1 didn’t spend any money The 
attention, by and large, I shunned, I think I was afraid of what 
this would do to me, in roughly the same way that a little kid 
on a beach is afraid of a big wave. It's going to knock him over 
and turn him upside down. I finally decided that to postpone 
the adjustments was unhealthy. So I am spending more money 
and doing the publicity. But I am protecting myself. I don't 
e a very lavish life. You can insulate yourself from your 
money very easily, investing іп things that hold no emotional 
attachment. for you. I don't allow myself to pet very far from 
the writing. Whatever the little ticking mechanism is that pushes 
me to write books, it’s very important to me. 

There's a lot of pressure that 1 feel, a lot of self-generated 
presure and a lot of pressure from the people who are most 
immediately important to me in getting the books out. I 
do care about the reviews now. My publishers expect a “big” 
book. I don't think it’s even a conscious desire, but that’s what 
they want. 

In the area of personal relations, you become a source of 
fantasy for people. Even people who know you well some- 
times act like you were a fucking celebrity. It has been an 
nounced in the trades that I'm “brilliant.” I don’t sec any 
particular reason to think Im brilliant and it's quite a curse 
to have that label. People are inhibited because you're sup- 
posed to be so brilliant, so [have a lot of conversations with 
tongue-tied people, 1 find now I'm increasingly associating with 
people whe have һай this experience one way or the other, 
because they're the only ones who will treat you as а perso 
not as a source of Fantasy. 

I don’t think there's any question: you сап get wrecked by 
this success, It opens up all kinds of corrupting power. But 1 
don't think it has to be thar way. The adjustments you must 
make don't necessarily have to destroy you or turn you into 
a son of a bitch. I spend a lot of time monitoring myself 

I sound like this experience is a curse. I don't think it's a 
curse, E think its great. Is worth it. 1 rm. 


SAM HOUSTON JOUNSON 


MY BROTHER LYNDON 
WA 


Sam Houston Johnson 
found himself with a cele 
brated brother and time оп 
his hands. The result, “Му 
Brother Lyndon,” was а 
best-selling portrait of one 
of the most controversial 
public figures in American 
history. Зат Johnson is per 
sona non grata al the L.B. J. 
ranch these days, but he still 
spends a lot oj his time tell. 
ing stories about Lyndon. 

Well, they started the Johnson library in Texas and I was 
going to run that and then Lyndon said he would neither 
seek nor accept re-clection and 1 said, well, ГЇЇ seek and 
accept every damn thing 1 can. It changed my life thi 
My brother and I haven't spoken since I started writing the 
book. One reviewer wrote that it was a frame-up, that Lyndon 
put me up to writing it. | put out the propaganda that Lyndon 
didn't like the book. I promoted Ш But he didn't 
T's the truth. Some of the things 1 said, he couldn't. sa 
1 know he agrees. The book didn't hi him. He just 
like anybody saying anything. He wants 100 percent, But I'm 
the only one who can talk back to him, because I'm his brother 
and he can't do a damn thing about it. He loves me. He'll 
forgive me. 

About me. I don’t know what to talk about Гуе had an 
interesting Ше, I enjoy being interviewed, Until this. 1 never 
met anybody who knew L. B. J. had а brother. But 1 finished 
my book and bought me а new Lincoln car and took it dow 
10 Mexico to just drive around and enjoy life, but I got called 
and had to come all the way back and be on TV. It's like the 
fella who's writing the book about my lile and he asked me to 
tell him about my girlfriends and 1 just said thavd take all 
the tapes in the world. 


GOING ALL THE WAY 


Dan Wakefield has gone 
about the country for years 
tuming out excellent jour- 
nalism, getting divorced a 
couple of limes, boozing up 
with his friends and yearn 
ing to write а novel. “Go 
ing All the Way” is about 
two exGls who return 
home to Indianapolis after 
the Korean War and strug- 
gle to come to terms with 
sex and America, 

The cost of not writing it was much greater than the cost of 
writing it. Thinking "Oh, my God, J'm not doing this thing 
that is the one thing I really want to do” was very fr 
and it took away from the other stuf I was wı 
matter how well received it was, I knew it wasn 


the thing 
that I was supposed to do. I've always felt proud of my 


journalism, but it wasn't the thing I wanted to get out. 

One thing that success has done is to make ше [eel very 
good, Kurt Vonnegut said after Slaughterhouse-Five that he felt 
like Superman. Now, it may be wrong, but I feel like I can 
write anything. 1 started off as a kid wanting to write novels. 
‘That was to me the incredible miracle, to write a novel. And 
it was so frustrating when I wasn't writing it, because I'd read 
those novels over and over to try to figure out, “Well, where's 
the mystery. how do you put it together?” Because that was 
what I was all about, that was my conception of myself, But 
for a long time, that didn't help me do it. 

There have been letdowns but not about the book. It 
doesn't solve one’s personal life, or not mine, anyway. 1 doubt 
that anything would, How I've lived has always been very 
chaotic. A girl once told me she loved a piece 1 did about 
J. D. Salinger. It was the most personal thing I'd written up 
to that point, She said, “Gee, I really loved the piece. 1 just 
have one question. How can anybody know all that and live 
the way you do?” 1 don’t think books are therapy, really. 
Also, 1 don't think success is that much different in other 
fields. I don't think a guy who gets to be chairman of the 
board solves his problems. Every person has his aponies. 
Somebody asked Phyllis Diller if she felt tied down being 
married and she said, “Look, if you're alive, you're tied down. 

1 was interviewed by a young guy who's with an unde 
ground paper and he asked me if I was bothered by the fact 
that when you're a success as a writer it isn't like success as a 
rock musician, because there aren't any writer groupies. Usu- 
ally, women who are interested in you because you're a writer 
are ones who want to be writers themselves and that always 
turns out badly. Because you're not going to make them 2 
writer and then they're going to be pissed off at you. 

1 haven't done yet with the money what I want to do. My 
great dream is to buy a big house with a lot of land, isolated, 
and have this house and call it home. Put a sign on it that 
HOME, Most of my friends аге always in the process of 
ing up or cracking up or wanting (о go someplace to 
out and very few people anymore have a home. And 
anybody сап come and, knowing my friends. there'd 


then 
always be someone there. 


GAY TALESE) 


THE KINGDOM AND THE POWER 


Gay Talese is probably 
the slowest author in the 
world, but he is a perfe: 
tionist about hiswriting and 
his research. He spent four 
years preparing “The King 
dom and the Power,” a mon- 
mental study of The New 
York Times. Talese is now 
working, in his usual metic- 
ulous fashion, on a nan-fic- 
tion chronicle of three gen- 
erations of a Mafia family. 

I've been around a lot of successful, powerful people. Any 
newspaperman has But when | was a sports writer, I used to 
find that the losers’ dressing room was more interesting than 
the winners My fascina ays heen with how people 
get through the day and the night, how they live with losing. 
Success is marvelous, but all Lm really committed to is 
writing well I find no comfort in money. I've never gotten 
any satisfaction from anything except fecling that what 1 did 
was very good. Theres no Crack-Up here. Fitzgerald was 
looking for false gods, Success to hirn was like something out 
of the movies, I'm a realist. I'm not ar all concerned with the 
mythology of fame and success but with the real soul of 
success and the bitterness of attaining it and the heartbre: 
not attaining it. 

1 feel a very real sympathy for people who aren't doing well. 
because so much of my early life was spent not doing well at 
all. 1 was not a good student. I was not an outstanding 
athlete, And I was not very much of anything, but one thing I 
could do was report. At the age of 15, іп а town that had 
one weekly newspaper, 1 was describing the Siegfrieds of the 
city, the star athletes who on Saturday morning would walk 
down the main street in their red jackets and have all the old 
men come out of the barbershops, waving аг them as they 
passed, wishing them well in the great battle at two in the 
afternoon. I was looking at life from the press box, watching 
failure and success 

Now I'm a contestant in this very bitchy world of book 
writing, which someone once described as like a basket of 
crabs, with all these competitive writers jammed in there, 
scrambling and stepping over one another and crawling here 
and there and trying to get a better bite for themselves. Do 
you know what my reaction is to writers whose work I respect 
but that for some curious reason has not caught on? My 
feeling toward these writers is guilt. I feel guilty. 1 find it 
hard to be comfortable with then. I'm uncomfortable, fearing 
that they will like me less, or resent me more, because of my 
good fortune 

Guilt has been very much a part of my life, growing up a 
Catholic where the ritual was very strict, Those Irish nuns 
were tough, Their philosophy was tough. Guilt. 
fear It was a guilt that you wer 
would get you to heaven. You were always going to be a loser 
because you were never going to make it. You were never 
good enough to go to heaven. 

I hate impermanence. 1 am obsessed with writing that is 
going to last. I am against that which is merely fashionable 
People get tired of old clothing, old Presidents. 1 want to cut 
through all that transient frivolity and create, as a cabinet 
maker does, something that's going to outlive me. 1 want to 
construct substantial, timeless books that will survive. Why? 
Why does a man want to protect what he treasures? Why does 
he want 10 bequeath it, invest it wisely, hammer it into monu 
ments? Because he doesn't want to die, that's why. It's because 
he's so goddamn vain that his vanity extends beyond his death 
And because he was very, very proud of his life. 


127 


he’s already made a bundle in football, and now he’s 
making another in films—so what's bugging namath? 


personality By LAWRENCE LINDERMAN It was two лм. on a 
cold February morning and, as snow whipped cruelly chrough Manhat- 
tan's streets 20 floors below, Joe Namath sar ar the bar of his penthouse 
apartment, sipping Scotch and unhappily rchashing the New York Jets’ 
play-off loss to Kansas City. The defeat had ended the Jets’ one-y 
n as pro football's champions and Namath felt responsible for the loss. 
was just plain lousy,” he said for the second time. “Damn, I should have 
gotten us in for that touchdown at the end, but I blew it. It’s going to be 
a long time before I forget that game.” 

Namath, wearing a white body shirt and red-and-blue-striped bell. 
bottoms, paused to walk behind the bar and pour himself a refill. Shaking 
his head in resignation, he suddenly ed out, “Football's just no fun 
anymore. Man, I used to want to play football and that was it. But not 
now. I don't really need the money, because 1 have enough to retire tomor 
row if 1 have to. And I might have to: The next good shot I get on my 
knees will finish me.” 

Namath’s knees, a subject of fascination to teammates, opponents, fans 
and surgeons, have been so thoroughly sliced up that the state of his loco 
motion is literally a standing joke. He needs additional corrective surgery, 
but doctors have told him he'll never play again after his next operation 
and Namath uneasily awaits the tackle that will end his career. His right 
knee, the weaker of the two and the one he stresses most when passing, may 
collapse even without an assist from an opposing player; the kneecap is 
ringed with scimitar-shaped surgical scars. Namath, still-legged and unsteady 
on his pins, is a partial cripple, which becomes apparent the first time you 
see him painfully laboring up a few si 

Well aware that his football career will be short-lived, Namath is now 
confronting the problem of what to do with himself when his playing days 
are done. Two logical alternatives are sports broadcasting (which he's not 
interested in) or movies. He started out on the latter road last year when 
he played a cameo in Norwood, a dismal film starring his friend Glen 
Campbell. “But I couldn't tell from that whether or not I'm any good at 
acting. Or even whether I like acting," he said, staring a bit mournfully 
into his glass. “One thing 1 like is the people, but when I was out on the 
set, 1 saw what being in movies is all about: You sit around a lot, you're in 


129 


PLAYBOY 


front of the cameras for a couple of 
minutes and then you мап sitting 
around again until they're ready for you. 
That's a lot of sitting." 

Show business, however, has the flash 
and the glamor that is now a part of him, 
and he finds it hard to resist. When he 
жаз offered a syndicated weekly television 
show of his own last fall, he accepted 
eagerly. The Joe Namath Show was an 
embarrassing mélange of self-conscious 
locker-room talk and football gossip, often 
spiced with thudding innuendoes about 
his sex life. “It was disorganized,” Na- 
math says now. “A lot of the time, I'd 
show up at the studio never really know- 
ing just what was going to happen. I 
did it for the money, about $100,000, 
because I don't know how long all this 
is gonna last. 1 figure I might as well take 
what I can get while I can get it. 

And while he can still afford to, Na- 
math has lent his name—and occasional- 
ly his cash—to a series of businesses. But 
the most successful of these—the chain 
of Bachelors 111 bars and the Mantle 
Men & Namath Girls employment agen- 
cy—rest on his football fame. Take him 
off the field and out of the newspapers 
and his budding empire will probably 
wither. Whatever he does, he's got the 
next couple of years by the tail; beyond 
that—where he'll be in five years—is a 
mystery. "I'll probably wind up coaching, 
but only in the pros, though I don’t 
know who the hell would want to hire 
me,” he said. “I sure don't want to be a 
college coach." Was football begin 
to bore him? “Oh, 1 don't think Pm 
bored with it,” he answered. “It's just 
that I'm not hungry out there anymore, 
Maybe it’s because I don’t need the 
money; I don't know. But Im just not 
hungry anymore.” 

When an athlete says he's no longer 
hungry, it’s pack-up time. In football, 
hungry means being orthodox in a spe- 
cial, savage sense of the word. To a Dick 
Butkus, it means throwing your body 
into a wall of blockers, getting repulsed 
three times in two seconds, but that 
fourth time you catch the halfback com- 
ing over tackle and you dismember him. 
Athletes can't fake that kind of ortho- 
doxy. The keepers of the faith make grid- 
iron mirades: Ү. A. Tittle, Bart Start, 
Johnny Unitas, Roman Gabriel and, that 
thrower of the obscene pass, Joe Kapp, all 
hold the belief. Compare the results of 
this unquestioning, mad religion of vie 
tory with the legacy of the faithless—Don 
Meredith, Sonny Jurgensen, Norm Snead, 
John Brodie, Craig Morton. The differ- 
ence is, quite simply, that the priests are 
winners, while the Sunday-afternoon visi- 
tors at the altar are losers. 

Or are they? Namath changed all that. 
He demonstrated that you can be a win. 
ner without confusing the sport with a 
search for the Holy Grail. “I've always 
been an athlete,” he said. “And Гуе 
worked hard at it—you don't do other- 


wise when you play for coach Paul Bryant 
at Alabama, When I got out of school, 
though, I began to see that football is 
really just а small part of life. I knew 1 
was less dedicated to football as а pro 
than I'd been in college, but I didn't 
want to think about all that until after 
I'd accomplished the goal I'd set for 
myself and the team—winning the Super 
BowL" The Super Bowl: The New York 
Jets’ victory over the Baltimore Colts 
two years ago was (the triumphs of the 
Mets and Muhammad Ali notwithstand- 
ing) the most dramatic professional ath- 
letic achievement of the television 3 
But now Namath is no longer hungry. 
How can he last in football without that 
insatiable appetite for victory? 

He can't. If his head doesn't do him 
in, his body will: Namath's knees won't 
take the strain longer than two more 
seasons at the outside, by which time 
he'd like to be into something else. The 
something else is more likely to be acting 
than coaching, if only because it's easier. 
and far more lucrative—which is why he 
signed up for his second movie, 
Company, shot last spring in Arizona. 
He stars in it as а motorcycle gang leader 
with a passion for fighting, drinking and 
Ann-Margret. 

He was still working on G. G. and Gom- 
pany when Larry Spangler, 31, the pro- 
ducer of his TV show, put together a 
third film project, The Last Rebel, 
which was shot in Rome at the start of 
last summer. For five weeks of work, 
Namath was paid $150,000 plus а per- 
centage of the gross. It had to be that 
way simply because he is the gimmick, 
the sole ratson d’étre of the movie; other- 
wise, it would still be a dust gathering, 
five-year-old script written originally for 
Eli Wallach. As The Last Rebel, Namath 
plays Captain Burnside Hollis, the last 
Confederate soldier to walk around in 
field grays, bitching and moaning about 
how the South blew the Civil War. A 
few weeks after Appomattox, Hollis, 
defying dirty looks from his untrustwor- 
thy side-kick (Jack Elam), rescues a black 
man (Woody Strode) from a lynch party 
being held in his honor. When the three 
of them rein in after cluding their pur- 
suers, nasty Elam (one of the finest West- 
етп villains extant) says to silently grateful 
Strode, “Last time 1 saved a nigger's life, 
he said thank you.” Strode, who's obvi- 
ously strong enough to crack Elam be- 
tween his thumb and index finger, merely 
scowls in reply. Right. 

lu Rome, Namath was staying at 
the Palazzo Ambasciatori on the Via 
Veneto. When he met me at the door of 
his elegant little suite, he was clad only 
in a pair of tapestry bells and looking fit 
Namath often tends to appear pudgy 
his football gear, but, in fact, he is all 
muscle through his arms, shoulders and 
chest, and any time there's a mirror 
around (there was), he’s in front of it 


absentmindedly combing his hair or 
flexing his biceps or patting his stomach. 
He began doing a combination of all 
three shortly after I walked in. “Pretty 
good, huh?" he said, admiring himself. 
"Im down to 185 already playing 
" А quick grimace followed. 
"Shit, I don't even want to think about 
playing football. Man, it's going to be so 
bad this year. Guys comin’ in and piling 
оп top, banging me around—and it 
hurts more when you play in the cold. 
Everybody gets injuries and you have to 
take them for granted, but you never get 
used to being hurt, And after a game, I 
hurt before I get to the dressing room, 
and it hurts worse when you lose." But 
when you win? “When you win, nothing 
hurts," Namath re) 1 with a laugh, but 
it was tinny and self-conscious. 

Namath didn’t want to talk football. 
He switched the subject to movies by 
pulling out a Norwood ad, di 
a Southern newspaper, 
Glen Campbell were gi g 
as the movie's stars, 's really dis- 
honest,” he remarks. “I'm in the movie for 
fve minutes and they're trying to get 
people into the theater by faking them 
ош. My lawyers got on that one fast.” 

Namath was not entu 
Norwood, but С. 
1g else. 
that in Arizona,” he said, producing a 
comb and grooming a shock of black hair 
until it terraces his forehead. just right. 
“You know Mike Battle, the kid who 
plays safety for us? He's in the film 
and in one scene, we have a fight and 
I haye to grab him good. Man, I must 
have got carried away, ‘cause I lifted him 
up by his chest and he thought I was 
gonna kill him! The whole thing was fun; 
we took those bikes out into the desert ev- 
ery day. Look at this,” he said, showing 
me a silver-dollar-sized scar on his right 
forearm, a result of falling off his cycle. 

Called upon іп С. С. and Company 10 
give a sustained performance for the first 
time, Namath feels that at least he didn't 
make a fool of himself and gives most of 
the credit to his co-star, Ann-Margret. 
“She's a hell of a lady,” he said. “Pd 
heard she was difficult to get along with 
and stuff like that. but she couldn't have 
been nicer. The thing I was most wor- 
ried about were the love scenes, but she's 
a real pro, friendly, and she made me 
feel comfortable. Not too comfortable, 
though—her husband, Roger Smith, was 
the coproducer." 

Namath was relaxed and mellow after 
two long Scotches. He rarely gets drunk, 
because the slightest public misstep he 
takes is magnified into a major transgres- 
sion. And, contrary to his public image, 
he doesn't like to talk about himself. But 
he was celebrating that Friday 
‘omorrow’s the last day of shoot 
itta," he said. "After that, we have 
a week on location and then Fm done. 

(continued on page 188) 


WHAT EXACTLY SHOULD I MAKE PERFECTLY CLEAR? 


а top-secret portfolio of 
carefully reasoned reports 


to the president on the state of 
the unton—such as tt is 


Richard M. Pixon 


President of the United States 


1969-19 . 
TO: Finch 


FROM: R.M.N, 
SUBJECT: Little job (with the understanding that, when the affairs 
of the nation are at stake, no job is little). 

Bob. as you know, and as every good American who devoted his 
ballot to me knows, it is the President's duty--that is to say, my 
duty, since I am, as you know, the President--to report annually to 
the Congress and the American people on the State of the Union. 
Tradition has dictated that this report be given in the month of 
January, that is, the first month of the year. I need you, Bob, to 
help in this grave undertaking. I have weighty affairs on my Presi- 
dential mind, Bob, from the Super Bowl to finding a decent job for 
my son-in-law. Thus I may not have much time to Prepare my speech. 

Would you, in a spirit of service, check with the top men around 
here, Washington, D.C., and ask them to send me, the President, 
informal memos about what is going on. As the President who will 
give the speech in this and many years to come, I will rely on the 
information they give me. If you get lost around the city, Bob, call 


my office. The number is stenciled under your lapel. 


Your President (of the United States) 


131 


NEVER USE FOR APPROVALS, DISAPPROVALS, | ACTION 

MEMO ROUTIN û SLIP CONCURRENCES, OR SIMILAR ACTIONS 
Dear Mr. President, 

Per your request, transmitted to ше by messenger (and not a very orderly-looking messenger 
at that, Mr. President), for informal assessments of the current situation within the respective 
specialties of senior mombers of the Government, herewith my report on the Vietnam war. | 

All the indices are positively positive. The general who replaced me (damned if I can ге- | 
member that fellow's name) has adequately capitalized on the splendid victories the allies 
gained in the winter of '68. It was during this period of the war that we successfully divided 
the enemy's forces, fixing him at two widely separate locations: the United States embassy in 
Saigon and Khe Sahn combat base 200 or 300 kilometers to the north. The consequent destruction | 
of main-line enemy forces was, I must say with all professional modesty, one of the finest hours 
in the history of United States military operations. 

Following this decisive victory, I was, you remember, gloriously returned to the United 
States by your predecessor, leaving the subsequent wiping-up operations to my replacement (I 
think it's Adams). I take exception to only a few of his modifications in the war policy. 

Vietnamese troops are being employed in offensive operations. I have a proper amount of 
professional respect for the Oriental trooper, but one must consider the stakes in this war. 
Should we rely on gooks when the freedom of all Asia is at stake? 

Enemy body-count figures are low. This locks bad on our graphs. We must correct it. 

As a regult of the two aforementioned strategic deficiencies, American morale has fallen. 
Some trcops have shown an alarming reluctance to risk life and limb in the pursuit of our objec- 
tives in Vietnam. Others have begun to use narcotics and give interviews. Soldiers should never 
give interviews. Which brings me to a final observation. If I had anything to do over again, I 
would prohibit newsmen from entering Vietnam. They quite clearly do not want to play for the 
team--our team, that is. But I understand that this matter is being taken up by the Vice- 
President in his memo. In closing, I think that in spite of the deficiencies noted above, the 
effort in Vietnam is proceeding apace and that we are definitely seeing the light at the end 
of the tunnel (if I may coin a phrase). I do, however, strongly question our lily-livered, hands- 
off policies with respect to Laos and Cambodia and will comment on them at your pleasure. 

Yours sincerely, 
Gonoral William Westmoreland, U.S.A. 


D D 5 ror ОБ REPLACES PREVIOUS EDITION 


— —— ي 


Spire T. Agnew 
Vice-President of the United States 


Dear Mr. President: | 

As you know, the foundations of the fourth estate are in danger of being gnawed away | 
by the epicene incisors of those meretricious Messalians who call themselves the Eastern 
press. That's the way I'd put it in public, anyway--but just between you and I, not 
speaking as a popular Vice-President who's only a heartbeat away from your job, I think 
somebody ought to give all those farts a swift kick in the butt for the way they screw 
around with the news. 

If you ever watched the news on TV you'd puke. I know that you told me to go after 
those TV newsmen for purely political reasons, but by God, Dick, they really do distort 

| the news. When we're trying to disengage ourselves from Vietnam, they insidiously | 


overreact to a little side jaunt into Cambodia, as if that didn't get a lot of troops out 
of Vietnam; when we're trying to make integration proceed according to some sane guide- 
linos, they claim we're not giving the Southern nigras a fair shake; and whenever they 
photograph me, it's either my bad side or they catch me picking my nose. 

We did manage to get rid of that Huntley when somebody gave him half a goddamn 
national forest in Montana so he could turn it into a tourist resort--and I say what's а 
bunch of virgin timber lost compared to getting him off the air? It's that snotty partner 
of his, that twerp Brinkley, who burns my ass. I'd like to smear that sneer of his all 
over the East Coast. (Which reminds me--I just heard а good one about three Jap diplomats 
on а roller coaster with a nearsighted Polack whore--1'11 tell it to you the next time 
Finch isn't around; that little jerk doesn't have any sense of humor.) Cronkite spends too 
much tine bitching about ecology, but we can keep him off our backs by sending up plenty 
of moon rockets for him to goo over. ABC looks good--that Howard К. Smith isn't the kind 
of guy I'd like to get plastered with, but at least he's on our side, and that's one step 
toward greater objectivity in the news. 

That's the way things stand. But I have a drean--I can see a day when truth returns to | 
the airways, when the news is presented by men that people can respect, dispassionate шеп | 
like Herb Klein. If we could get him a nightly national news show, my sleep would be less | 
troubled. And I bet Finch would make one hell of a good TV weatherman. 


{ Yours 
Ted | 


2 + 
INS. 
Dear Dad Dick: 


Gosh, it was swel? og you to ask me of al? people about youth on 
campus. When I told Julio, she wa so happy about it she made a 
tuna casserole shaped in your profile. I ate your nose, and it 
was swell, That daughter of yours ts neal cute, Dad, 


1 myself was a youth on campus until recently, and Т can say in 
all modesty that I'm typical of the vast silent majority of sensi- 
ble students in this country, even though their grandfathers 
didn't win World War Two or give you your big political break, 
Dad. I don't claim to be an expert, Let me make that perfectly 
clean, but I did investigate some--I got all of Reader's Digest'a 
reprints on the subject, watched a rerun of SEE E 
(with the great Mamie Van Donen) on the Late show, tene: 

the Latest керш LP by Country Fish and the Joes, and asked 
Julie what she thought you'd Like to hear. So I've done my home- 
work. АА I seo it, there ало four problem areas: protest, drugs, 
sex and education, 


As for protestors, I hope you" lL continue to show them that you 
won't make national policy according to the whims of a few milkion 
young bums and Commies. 


ALL the talk about drugs on campus 4A mostly baloney. Speaking 
бол myself, I would never take anything to expand my mind because 
I want to be President when I grow up. Уой 22 never catch me 
dropping Малу-Т on shooting acid (as we young folks say). Some- 
times Late at night, after Julie's asleep, I your myself a stiff 
glass of Bali-Hat, but everyone's entitled to his (ап, I figure. 
As fon all those people who are on harder stuff, I expect they're 
probably Democrats anyway. 


The Last two problem aneas--sex and education--are directly 
related, I think. Despite all the determined efforts of dedicated 
administrators, there is still sex gn most campuses. Girls walk 
around with breasts and genitals beneath their clothes (pardon my 
Language, Dad, but I want you to know the truth), and most of the 
boys know about it. This makes the fellow tense and irritable, 
and distracts them {лот their studies. We boys at Amherst never 
had that distraction; if you don't believe то, ask Rodney, my 
wonderful ex-noommate. 


That's about all, Dad, Т just want to add that it's great being 
your Son-in-Law and Julie's husband, and after you unleash the 
hounds of state I hope gou'££ come to Live with Julie and me, 
even if no one else will have you. The White House is a big 
place, and I'm sure we can find you and Mom Nixon a corner in 
it воћқићеле. 


Love, (LA A (сі 


D. Exsenhower | 


From the desk of L. Mendel Rivers 


Dear Mr. President: 

Fink, your house hippie from California, came by the other day asking for a memo on 
the nation's defenses. I ran the little squirt out of my office. However, Dick Russell, шу 
esteemed Georgia colleague in the Upper House, assured me that the request was genuine. I 
don't understand why you trust that pinko with such vital errands, but that's your 
business. 

At this writing, the United States is prepared to fight only one and a half wars, down 
one from last year. Since we already have one war on our hands, we can fight only one half 
of another. Now, I don't trust foreigners, and I know you don't either, so we really can't 
count on any of our so-called allies to pick up the other half if we get into a real down- 
home Donnybrook. My recommendation is that we either beef up our forces or see to it that 
we don't get into a scrap with anybody bigger than, say, Ceylon. 

As a loyal American, I'd prefer to see us retool for our traditional two and a half-- 
hell, round it off and make it three--wars. Like Dick Russell says, it's better, if the 
world gets down to just two people, that those people be Americans. There's no better way 
to make sure this will happen than to strengthen our defense establishment. 

If the lefties don't like that, we can put the sons of bitches underneath the jail. 
All the contractors want to do is make a decent profit. Nobody likes war. 

I cannot close this memo without drawing your attention to the sorry state of affairs 
in two critical parts of the world. 

Namely, in Vietnam our troops continue to fight and die without us giving them the 
tools to finish the job. You know what I mean. 

Next, an area in even worse trouble: Charleston, South Carolina. Any man with military 
sense knows that Charleston is the key. Look where the Civil War started. It is urgent 
that we get an ABM network, deep-water facilities for Poseidon submarines and some 
nuclear-powered carriers into this vital area immediately. I'm sure I don't have to em- 
phasize the importance of this area of the country to you. 

Best wishes and stop by for a drink sometime. (Come alone; I don't want to talk to 
that Fink.) 


For now, 


4 ey \ С) ө ө e 
co Er Director, FBI 


Mr. қодық ы 

I'm sure Oy aware that, ав а precautionary measure, 1 do not answer my own 
teleph: xen does it for me. I do, however, tap my own phone. The other day an 
E C b Finch evidently called to ask that I prepare a memo to you on the Inter- 

1 Communist Conspiracy. 

First let me suggest that you read my book, Masters of Deception (or something like 
that). I based it on information I gathered in 1915, when T was a young, handsome, virile 
law officer dedicated to viping out the Red Menace. Those were the days of running boards 
and rotgut, when if you caught a Commie you double-team rubber-hosed him until he told the 
truth about his creeping infamy. (Actually, that's the way I wrote the book--a highly 
placed Commie creep, a rubber hose and a male steno to take notes. It took eight of my 
best men to kick chapter one cut of the vile underminer of order, but after that he was 
volunteering footnotes.) 

Since then we've had several Commie Presidents, countless Red Senators and lots of 
pinko Supreme Court Justices. In the guise of friendship, most of them have been out to 
Eet me (ав are most of my staff and all those Reader's Digest Comsymps), but I have 
persevered. Needless to say, I haven't paid any attention to their precious wire-tap laws 
or that subversive "probable cause" claptrap. I know it's a Marxist ruse to undermine my 
safety; even Lance, my bodyguard, agrees that I'm threatened by everyone but him. But I do 
hate to be sneaky. I'd rather be aboveboard. 

I'd like to suggest to the American public that the best way to halt the spread of 
infectious communism is to repeal all those civil-Commie-liberty laws and requisition 20 
feet of number-two heavy-duty garden hose for every FBI field office. Then give me one 
year, and 1711 turn America back over to the Americans--the few true patriots who are 
left, that is. 

If this doesn't meet with your approval, I'd suggest you send the alleged Finch over 
to pick up some tapes I've put together after monitoring the ship-to-shore radio on Bebe 
Rebozo's boat. Right now I'm just holding them for laughs--but that could change, Mr. 


President. Respectfully, 
J.E 


OFFICE OF THE ATTORNEY GENERAL 


Dear Richard: 

I've expressed ny feelings on crime to you ever Since I took you in as my law partner, 
right after you gave up politics forever, so I won't outline my position in detail. 
Nurders, rapes and crines of passion have soared in the past year; the rate of drug 
arrests is up nearly 200 percent; and our reports also indicate a slight increase in 
necrophilia--although we feel that is merely a technical gain, and lacks broad support. 

Frankly, Richard, we simply haven't got the legal apparatus necessary to stem this 
rising tide of counterproductive behavior. The new "по-Кпоск" law is good in principle, 
but damn it, you have to know where not to knock. I believe we should initiate a campaign 
to make the public more sensitive to our problems--make them realize that it's in the 
interests of national security for then to inform regularly on their family and neighbors. 
And as for this wire-tapping business, I'm afraid it's just not going to be very effec- 
tive. We һауе a few tapes proving conclusively that Abbie Hoffman calls his nother every 
day, and some strange ones of Finch (he keeps talking about "lids," "tokes" and "dynamite 
shit" to Wally; I don't understard it), but otherwise it's a zero. 

Richard, you've always listened to my advice, just as I've always listened to 
Martha's, and my advice to you now is to get out of Washington while the getting's good. 
We both took big salary cuts so you could be President and get it out of your system, but 
I should think you would be tired of it by now. Wouldn't you rather be back in Wall 
Street, where you can haul down some real dough, and where you'll have sone real power? 

I know you like being on television, but we must try to keep our priorities straight. 
John 


P.S. Martha wanted to tell you this on the phone the other morning at two A.M., but I 
figured you might be watching the late show. 


ж 


norway's liv lindeland 
goes west—all 
the way to southern 
californta—in 
quest of screen success 


EARLY NORDIC PEOPLES often named their off- 
spring after mythical heroes or the vivid world 
around them: deities, flowers, birds or seasons of 
the year. A contemporary variation on that an- 
cient custom gave Norwegian-born Liv Linde- 
land, who now lives in the U.S., her name. 
"'Liv means ‘life’ in Norwegian,” says the 25- 
year-old aspiring actress. "I think it suits me 
well, and it helps explain why I want life that's 
full of excitement.” True to the wadition of her 
Viking ancestors, those legendary voyagers, she 
says her name “also тейесіз my urge to do the 
unusual and to travel to places I've never seen. 
In fact, it was my restlessness that made me de- 
cide to come to America in 1965. I came just for 
a visit; but when I arrived, I liked the country 
and the people so much I decided to stay.” The 
first city in the U.S. she called home was Boston, 
where she lived for four years and began a career 
in fashion modeling. An awakening interest in 
television and film work, nurtured by some 
encouragement from friends, took Liv to Los 
Angeles—and to Hollywood’s film studios. After 
a year on the Coast, she’s already creating quite 
a stir—both on the sets and off, where she moves 
in filmdom's upperstrata star-producer-director 
social whirl. So far, besides continuing her mod- 
eling, Liv has made several TV commercials, ap- 
peared on Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In and 
soon will be making that dreamed-of leap to the 
big screen: a role in the film version of Jacque 
line Susann's The Love Machine, to be released 
next year. Though she’s landed a movie part апа 
scems to be scaling the proverbial ladder in im- 
pressive fashion, Liv believes she needs more and 
wider dramatic experience. To that end, she re 
cently enrolled in the Robert Arthur Workshop, 
a drama school in which she's improving not only 
her acting ability but also her English. “But I 
wouldn't want to lose my accent entirely," she 


Home from the studio in the apartment she shares with 
a friend, hero-worshiping Liv is still surrounded by 

film notables—large plaster-of-Paris figures of Charlie 
Chaplin, W. С. Fields, and Laurel and Hardy. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALEXAS URBA 


Although Liv's modeling and television-commercial work means Шу has already learned a few tricks of her new trade, but she was 
long hours before the cameras, she likes to toke an occasional busman's іп for a surprising eye opener when she visited a cowboy-film 
holidk in this case, a tour of Universal Studios, a standard tourist set. As part of her tour, an actor shows her the kind of sugar-candy 
cttraction—ond spoofs it up like no out-of-towner. "gloss" that's used for bottles in barroom-breokup scenes. 


Liv herself breaks up as she watches the sugar-candy battle 
shatter realistically on an obliging head. Later, she’s 
selected from her tour group ta play a dance-hall girl in а 
television scene enacted to show the visitors a typical take. 


says. “I want to modify it for films and tele- 
but my voice is part of my personality; it 
identifies my national heritage." In addition to 
studying diction and delivery, also boning 
up on cinematography and editing. “I want to 
understand what's happening on the other side 
of the camera,” she says, “and the only way to do 
that is to find out from the people who kno) 
So 1 ask lots of questions—and I try to r 
everything I can about the subject. In fact, that's 
how J became interested in the films of D. W. 
Griffith, Charlie Chaplin and Orson Welles. I 
found that by studying the classics, I could learn 
more about today's films. To tell you the truth, 
though, 1 really don’t feel that the movies being 
made today can compare in character portray- 
als or film techniques—with such greats as The 
Hunchback of Notre Dame or Citizen Kane, 
which 1 believe is the greatest film ever made.” 
While diligent Liv plans to pursue her movie 
career as far as it will take her, she sees herself— 
in time—reversing the customary showbiz exodus 
by moving on to the theater. “Since I enrolled 
in the workshop, I've had a desire to act on 
Broadway. More now than ever before, I believe 
that's where the fun is, because you're playing to 
а live audience. In the theater, much more than 
in films, you're aware of the audience's expecta- 
tions and of the quality of your own perform- 
ance, because the people are right there in front 
of you. And from their applause—or lack of it— 
yon can really tell if you're a good actress or 
just another suuggling amateur." Says Liv of 
her long-range future: "Someday I'd like to go 
back and do film or theater work in Norway; 
though Гуе been away so long, it's still really 
home to me.” Even if she goes ahead with her 
plans to perform in Scandinavia, we hope lively 
Liv will eventually overcome her ancestral urge 
to roam—and settle down Stateside for good. 


Scene completed, Liv (below left) enjoys an instant replay 
on the studia monitar. After the fun morning, followed 

by an afternoon of sunning, Liv checks out her make-up 
as she gets ready for an elegant Hallywoad bash. 


Thot evening, Liv and her constant escort, producer-director Jack а TV and film fashion model.) As the party begins to swing, our Miss 
Holey, Jr. (below), arrive at а cocktail party for novelist Jacqueline Jenvary chats with numerous guests, including such stars os Tina 
Susann, (Haley will direct her The Love Machine's forth- Louise and Goldie Hawn, the томе" producer Mike Fronkovich 
coming film version, in which Liv will play the appropriate role of und writer-ectorsinger Anthony Newley (center ond below right). 


Another guest among the many personalities at the party, whom Liv obviously 
enjoys, is Brian Kelly (left), who starred in the Flipper series. And, in festive mood, 
our Playmate gives a symbolic send-off to a Love Machine promotional balloon. 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


The ham actor had a habit of embellishing 
everything he said with overblown phrases. 
One afternoon he returned to his Bel Air man- 
sion unexpectedly and was greeted by the maid. 
‘Are you looking for your wife, sir?” she asked 

Yes," he answered in Burgundian tones, "| 
seek my best friend and severest critic.” 

“Your severest critic is in the bedroom.” said 
the ma nd your best friend just jumped 
out the window.” 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines adolescence 
as the time when a girl's voice changes from 
no to yes. 


A young airline stewardess, Faye, 
Has achieved liberation today. 
She screwed without quittin” 
From New York to Britain— 
It's clear she has come a long way. 


The middle-aged spinster returned to her apart- 
ment with a supply of birth-control pills she'd 
just purchased at the local pharmacy. “1 
don't understand it," said her perplexed room- 
mate, "In the past three weeks, you've pt 
chased enough birth-control pills to last a year, 
plus vaginal foam, flavored douches and a 
diaphragm—and I didn't even know you had 
a boyfriend. Who are you trying to seduce?” 
“1 should think you could guess," came the 
reply. “The druggist 


A waggish historian tells us that when General 
Grant invaded the South, he spent the first 
four days of his campaign trying to find the 
cellar where the grapes of wrath were stored. 


Ive finally found a man with both feet planted 
firmly on the ground,” the pretty young thing 
bragged. 

“That's very nice,” her friend replied, “but 
how does he get his pants off?” 


While traveling in England, the young Ameri- 
can photographer attended a palace ball and 
was introduced to the Queen i 
dence, 
happens to be a photog Ü 

“It certainly is a coincidence,” he retorted 
brightly. “My brother-in-law happens to be a 
queen.” 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines mate swap- 
ping as a home-improvement loan 


The happily stoned hi 
possession of marijuana 
lice station to be booked. те allowed to 
е one call," the sergeant announced, hand- 
g him the phone, "and I suggest you call a 
lawyer.” 

After making his call, the hippie was ques- 
tioned by the police but refused to answer. 
Forty-five minutes later, a man entered the 
station and the sergeant turned to him expect- 
antly. “Are you this kid's lawyer?" he asked. 

“Nope,” the chap replied. "I'm just here to 
deliver an anchovy pizza.” 


ріс was arrested for 
nd taken to the po- 


And, of course, you've heard about the wife 
who filed for divorce on the grounds that her 
husband was careless about his appearance— 
she hadn’t эсеп him in five years, 


A missionary who was journeying up the 
Amazon decided to teach his native guide a few 
words of English. First, he pointed to various 
objects in the rain forest and gave their names. 
The guide dutifully repeated them and the mis- 
sionary was quite pleased, until they happened 
two people making love on the river- 
ей. the man of God said, “Man 


сусі 
гс immediately drew his bow and 
let fly an arrow. 

“Man riding my bicycle!” he exclaimed. 


Heard а good one lately? Send it on а post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLavuoy, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
Il. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“As you know, Miss Simpson, I wasn't here for the 
Christmas party and I understand you went back into the stock room 
with a number of the guys and, шей... I was wondering. . 


145 


145 


three blueprints for postwar 
reconciliation and reconstruction 


nly a few months after the first withdrawal of American troops from Vietnam, President 
О Nixon’s advisors predicted that the end of the war—which cost between 25 and 30 billion 
dollars a year at its peak—would result in none of the windfalls that had been expected for 

new domestic programs beyond those few already announced. “Pm afraid that the peace dividend 
lends to become evanescent, like the morning clouds around San Clemente,” said urban-affairs ad- 
visor Daniel Patrick Moynihan. И was as if the Administration feared that acknowledging a divi- 
dend would compel it to come up with more creative uses for the money than и had so jar 
proposed. Moynihan's statement and others like it gave the dismaying impression that nearly 
all of the Vietnam savings were earmarked for the Pentagon. That impression seems now to 
have been al least partly mistaken: To Nixon's credit, he has outlined two domestic programs 
of some scope—revenue sharing with the states and the Family Assistance Program—and, with Con- 
gress, has sharply trimmed the defense budget. Yet, despite peace offers and further troop withdraw- 
als, the war continues and the Administration persists in its advocacy of such multibillion-dollar 
death gadgets as MIRVs, a redesigned manned nuclear bomber and an expanded ABM system, 
while we choke in our own effluents, our cilies rol апа the country's 30,000,000 poor gel poorer. 
Tt was in the belief that these three problems—the environmental and urban crises and the 
continuing plague of poverty—are the most serious facing the nation, and at the same time among 
the most amenable to governmental amelioration, that this editorial symposium was conceived. 
One of the earliest and most vigorous Congressional baitlers against pollution, Wisconsin’s Senator 
Gaylord Nelson, calls in “Cleansing the Environment’ for a fundamental change in the American 
attitude toward technological progress—from consumption to conservation of our national re- 
sources—and proposes a sweeping new set of national policies as major first steps in the campaign 
to reclaim our environment. In “Saving the Cities,” Cleveland’s Carl B. Stokes, first black mayor of 
а major U.S. city, expertly diagnoses the urban malaise and prescribes the economic and legislative 
remedies that may cure it—if we have the will—before it’s too late. The third article, “Eradicating 
Poverty,” was writlen for PLAYBOY by sociologist Michael Harrington, whose seminal book, “The 
Other America,” was responsible to a great degree for awakening the nation’s conscience to the scan- 
dal of poverty amid affluence. Harrington analyzes President Nixon’s proposed welfare reforms 
and demonstrates the ways in which a victory in the war on poverty—which he feels is still a skir- 
mish—would be in the best interests not only of the poor but of all Americans, Taken together, we 
believe these three essays make a compelling case for the radical reordering of national priorities 
the United States must undertake now if it is to survive as an equitable and habitable society. 


CLEANSING THE ENVIRONMENT 


By U.S. Senator Gaylord Nelson 


FOR ALL THE TRAGEDY and frustration the 
Vietnam war has brought, it may also 
give this nation a great dividend, if we 
are willing to take advantage of it. In 
the mirror the war has held up to Ameri- 
ca, we've seen a draft system that takes 
more of the poor than the well off; a 
Government so involved in trying to 
any оп the foreign and domestic poli- 
cies of the past that it has been blind to 
the new priorities of the present; an 
affluent society with hunger in its midst; 
a democratic, egalitarian system increas- 
ingly torn by generational, racial and 
class conflict. Thus the most valuable im- 
mediate legacy of the war in Southeast 
Asia may not be money but а new Amer- 
ican understanding of the challenges and 
dangers facing our society here at home. 
To quote а Pogo observation: “We have 
met the enemy, and he is us"—an 
already classic aphorism that applies most 
acutely to the megacrisis of our damaged 
environment. 

Because it involves a whole range of 
interrelated concerns from. consumer- 
ism to human rights to the relevance of 
contemporary institutions—the environ- 
mental issue has succeeded in gaining 
the support of a remarkably broad spec 
trum of American society, left to right, 
old and young, Democrat and Republi- 
can. And though they may not have 
stopped pollution yet, the past year's 
anti liter campaigns, product boycotts, 
protests in corporation stockholders 
meetings, burials of automobiles—and 
Earth Day itsclf—have dramatized for the 
entire country the consequences of Prog 
ress, American Style, the creed by which, 

h science and technology as the New 
Testament and gross national product as 
the Holy Grail. we manage each year to 
produce 200,000,000 tons of smoke and 


tumes, 7,000,000 junked cars, 76 billion 
disposable containers and tens of millions 
of tons of raw sewage and industrial 
wastes. 

The great ecology debate has already 
accomplished what decades of conserva: 
tionists’ anguished cries about the rape 
of nature could not. “It has made the 
connections in Ше public's mind," says 
writer Garrett De Bell: He cites the taxi 
driver who now understands how aut 
mobile emissions are causing smog in hi 
city and the housewife who knows that 
the algae scum on the nearby lake is, in 
part, brought on by the high-phosphorus- 
content detergent she may use. National 
opinion polls show the environment rank- 
ing near the top of all issues on the 
publics mind. Viewing the citizen furor 
over an industry's failure to ask thc 
community where a major new plant 
should be located, a company official 
remarked candidly: "Public opinion has 
changed the rules without prior notice- 
and industry has been caught short." 

This dramatically increasing pul 
awareness that the American pursuit of 
quantity at any price is making the coun- 
try а polluted, ravaged wasteland has not 
escaped the attention of those responsi 
ble for government and corporate pol 
cies, In recent months, pollution has been 
unanimously condemned in politici 
speeches and corporation advertisements. 
But in view of the gap between eco- 
logical rhetoric and actual. performance, 
it is obvious that—though the public 
may be catching on—our institutions 
and their leaders have yet to accept 
the fact that putting a stop to the as- 
заш on the environment is going to re- 
quire tough decisions and unprecedented 
changes in national priorities. The fact 
is that city hall is barely out of the 


starting gate in mobilizing to clean up 
our environment. In government and 
industry, the attitude of business as usual 
still prevails, as evidenced by the follow- 
ing four examples of the environmental 
performance gap: 

The Mercury Disaster: When mercury 
from industrial plants was found in Lake 
Erle fish last spring, water-pollution- 
control and health officials were stunned. 
This element is so poisonous that they 
had naively assumed no one would know- 
ingly put it into the environment. (A 
Federal sampling of U. 5. water supplies 
showed that millions of people are drink- 
ing either inferior or potentially hazard- 
‘ous water.) 

Sewage Treatment: Today, in the na- 
tion that has put men on the moon, less 
than one of our population is 
served by an adequate sewage-treatment 
plant and sewer system. Even though 
Congress several years ago declared а 
national commitment to clean water, ap- 
propriations have lagged seriously and 
year totaled one-quarter billion dol- 
lars less than authorized. 

Air Quality: In the seven years since 
Congress passed the first national clean- 
air act, only one court action against a 
polluter has resulted. And according to 
recent information, no enforcement has 
resulted yet from the 1967 Air Quality 
Act. Under this Federal law, exhaust 
standards were set on the automobile, 
But while the pampered prototype cars 
that were tested for compliance did just 
fine, pollution from cars off the produc 
tion line quickly soared above the limit. 

The truth is that the internal-combus- 
tion engine, the greatest single source of 
air pollution in America (up to 90 per- 
cent in some cities), could have been 
cleaned up years (continued on page 150) 


147 


148 


SAVING THE CITIES 


Tuere 1s nothing fundamentally wrong 
with America’s cities that money can't 
cure—money in the amount that has 
been going down the drain in Vietnam, 
‘Thirty billion dollars a year would be 
good for openers. The problems of the 
cities —deteriorating housing. high unem- 
inadequate health care, air 
ter pollution, miserable mass 
transportation, poor education, сіс-- 
have been cussed and discussed, analyzed 
and ed so thoroughly that any 
mayor would be able to list them in his 
sleep and give you a dollar figure for soly- 
ing or alleviating each specific problem 
city. Cleveland, where I have 
served as chief executive since 1967, cer- 
tainly has an ample share of these prob- 
lems. Using it as an example should help 
1 the social. economic and envi- 
ronmental ills that plague most large 
American cities. 

» Cleveland needs a billion dollars for 
housing alone. With such funds we could 
climinate, by demolition or rehabilita- 
tion, the 47,000 substandard units we 
now have and build 20,000 more units of 
low-rent public housing. Rigorous code 
enforcement programs to prevent neigh- 
borhoods from deteriorating and to assist 
property owners in repairing and mod- 
emizing their homes could finally be 
well funded and adequately staffed. 

* Beyond money for housing, the city 
needs a half billion dollars to eliminate 
hard-core unemployment through job: 
training programs, to upgrade the skills 
of the thousands who are marginally 
employed at jobs paying less than sub- 
sistence wages and to enable the city and 
other public agencies to be the "em- 
ployer of last resort” when the private 
sector is unable or unwilling to provide 
full employment 


pane 


By Mayor Carl B. Stokes 


+ It would take several hundred mil 
lion dollars to improve health care in 
the city of Cleveland, where—as an ex- 
ample—some 600 babics dic cach усаг at 
birth or in the first year of life because 
their mothers lack prenatal care and the 
infants themselves are inadequately cared 
for in crucial early development. 

* Cleveland's air and water pollution 
could be abated by expenditures of 15 
billion dollars. With an investment of 
that magnitude, the Cuyahoga River 
would no longer be a fire hazard, Lake 
Erie once again would be the recreation- 
al godsend it was when I swam in it as a 
and the air would become fit to 


+ A half billion dollars from the con 
tinually swelling Highway Trust Fund, 
now exclusively devoted to the Federal 
imterstate highway program, or from some 
other source, would enable Cleveland to 
complete a badly needed system of rapid 
n то all parts of the metropolitan 
area. This money also could be used to 
reform and expand our bus lines, so that 
inner-city residents could get to the sub- 
urban industrial parks where, increasingly. 
jobs are concentrated. And with better 
transportation Facilities resulting from the 
additional funds, all residents of Greater 
‘leveland would be able not only to get 
10 the work centers more easily but also 
to enjoy the cultural, recreational and 
educational facilities that the central city 
affords. 

* The Cleveland school system needs 
an additional half billion dollars a year 
to replace obsolete buildings and equ 
ment and to make other long-term in- 
vestments, especially in the inner city; to 
create programs thoroughly relevant to 
today’s needs: and to reduce the growing 
number of dropouts, whose future now is 


hard-core unemployment, alienation from 
society and susceptibility to the blandish- 
ments of thieves, drug pushers and 
revolutionaries. 

None of these elements of the urban 
aisis is unique to Cleveland, of course 
Cleveland is not alone in losing the 
property-tax revenues it needs to help 
run—and save—the city. Nor is Cleve- 
land the only metropolis that experiences 
difficulty in getting money from the state 
legislature, where suburban lawmakers 
have largely taken over from the old- 
time "cornstalk brigade." 

Horrendous as it is, the urban crisis 
could be solved, in Cleveland and else- 
where, if only there were the funds to 
mount the programs, to staff the projects, 
to reverse the decay, to counterattack, to 
change and improve. If only there were 
the funds, But that is the ridiculous part 
‘There are the funds. The richest country 
in the history of the world has the where- 
withal, and has it to spare. In fact, afflu- 
ence and waste combine here to make 
the poverty, the malnutrition, the slums, 
the ignorance, the discaxe—the шап 
crisis in its totality—cruelly unnecessary. 

"There are the funds. They have been 
poured down the open sewer of 
declared war in Southeast 
have been liftin 
space without elevating cither spirits or 
conditions here on the ground. They 
have been swallowed up in military and 
defense budgets that have ignored the 
question of whether there will be any. 
thing worth defending at home. All that 
has been lacking is the will and the 
resolve to reorder national priorities 
Ive can 
be made and national priorities сап be 
established that will put first things first 

How did (continued on page 262) 


ERADICATING POVERTY 


ır ıs 1976. The in Vienam has 
ended and billions of dollars are no 
longer required for an unconscionable 
tragedy in Southeast Asia. The gross 
n ıl product, which reached one 
million dollars in 1971, is accelerating 
toward the 17-villion-dollar rate pro- 
jected for 1980, Su Goverment revenues 
are increasing rapidly, even though taxes 
don't go up. and the Seventies will end 
with an extra 90 billion dollars a year in 
Federal income. 

At this point t 
ment of national stocktaking. There 
no doubt that the resources are at h 
to abolish poverty. The issue is whether 
we will bother, For whether the fiscal 
savings from Vietnam and those billions 
in tax revenues will be used for a social 
purpose is a pol question, not an 
economic fact. Powerful forces will be. 
dedicated to maintaining our present sys- 
tem, so brilliantly described by the late 
Charles Abrams as "socialism for the 
rich and private enterprise for the poor 
Under it there are discreet and handsome 
doles for the affluent and an occasion- 
al pitance for the hungry. The ni 
billion dollars in tax deductions on mort- 
terest that primarily benefit sub- 
urban homeowners, for example, 
about four times greater than the appro- 
priation for public housing: the 15- 
billion-dollar write-offs cach year for 
people playing the stock market cost 
more than Richard Nixon's proposed 
welfare reform. 

On the other side, there will be those 
who realize that unless there are massive 
and planned social investments, the poor 
will sufler and the entire society will 
most likely come unstuck, In what fol 
lows, there is the cnormous assumption 
that the latter point of view prevails 


By Michael Harrington 


the course of what wi 
bitter political struggle. 
it is obvious that we have the me 
end poverty. But do we have the demo 
atic creativity to spend those billions 
ellectively? 

I think the answer 


yes. There 
as for social inve 
t would end poverty. First, every ci 
zen must be guaranteed а really айс 
quate income. Second, every able-bodied 
American must be given a legal right not 
simply to a job but to a relevant, useful 
nd decently paid job. And third, the 
aion must redeem а promise it has 
nd breaking—ever since 
at everyone has the right to a 
livable dwelling. If we would do these 
things, it’s rather obvious that we would 
help the poor. It’s not so obvious, but 
just as true, that we would be aiding the 
affluent as well. 

it was Richard Nixon who 
le the guaranteed income a mauer of 
mal debate and sponsored the 
inely new social principle in Ame 
са since the New Deal. Lest the President 
be unfairly accused of cryptoradicalism, 
it should be immediately noted that his 


implementation of the principle is penny- 
ng and potentially repressive. In 


pinch 
understanding the glaring inadequacies 
of his version of it, onc can get a clearer 
idea of what a guaranteed income should 
really be like 
In the August 1969 speech that 
the Administrations current 
Assistance Program, Mr. Nixon, 
ol course, explicitly denied that he was 
talking about guaranteed income at all. 
He began thar historic address with some 
philosophic observations that he procecd- 
ed to contradict within a few minutes. 
As he defined the crisis of the welfare 


system, “a third of a century of central. 
izing power and responsibility іп Wash- 
ington has produced а bureaucrati 


ng delivered h 
self of this conservative cliché, the Pres 
dent then proposed to take away the 
right ol the 50 states to set wellare levels 
by establishing a Federal minimum 
through a vast ¢ in Washi 
responsibility, to raise the benefits for an 
impoverished c n Mississippi by 500 
percent. His scheme is, in other words, а 
first step toward the nationalization of 
welfare 


radic 
are even 
more confused about the welfare system 
than he is. In the popular stereotype, the 
€ filled with lazy chisclers 
who live riotously at society's expense. In 
fact, less than 40 percent of the poor 
receive any public assistance at all, And 
the average welfare allotments for the mi- 
nority Incky enough to get help, the Riot 
Commission told us a few years ago, аге 
only half of what the recipients actually 
need. In Mississippi, to take a predictable 
extreme, a welfare mother is supposed to 
aise a child on $9.30 a month, 

It’s no accident that the majority of 
the poor are excluded from even these 
shamefully low benefits. The various lo 
cal systems are usually carefully designed 
to bewilder those who urgently need 
help and, through residence require- 
menis and bureaucratic red tape, to keep 
ay many of them as possible off the rolls. 
And in the heyday of the notorious 
“Manin-the House” rule (lawsuits and 
forms have made things somewhat bet 


149 


PLAYBOY 


150 


ENVIRONMENT (continued from page 147) 


ago. But rather than put any significant 
money into pollution control, the auto- 
makers have been spending one and a half 
billion dollars annually on style changes 
in their cars. Until they were halted by 
a Federal court, the U.S. automakers— 
Department. com- 
t and suits now pending on com- 
plaint of others—had actually been 
engaged for over 15 ycars in ап illegal 
agreement to delay the development and 
installation of air-pollution-control equip- 
ment in their products. 

Introduction in Congress їп 1969 of 
an amendment to require a 90 percent 
reduction in automobile pollution by 
1975 and of a resolution urging a mora- 
torium on autostyling changes to free 
the cleanup money brought a torrent of 
protest from the auto industry. It was 
the decadesold argument: "We're work- 
ing on it, but we need more time.” 

The Automobile-Highway Complex: 
Though it has brought unquestioned 
benefits, our massive and continuing 
highway-building program now threatens 
to become the greatest environmental 
and social disaster this country has ever 
known. It is the epitome of the Ameri- 
can pursuit of quantity run rampant, 
a self-defeating cycle of building morc 
roads because more people are buying 
cars, then building and selling more cars 
because there are more roads. The dis- 
astrous results of this apparent effort to 
enable us to drive from coast to coast 
without encountering a traffic light are 
mounting accident deaths, a gross con- 
sumption and waste of resources, air 
pollution, noise, traffic jams, human dis- 
locations, destruction. of city neighbor- 
hoods and the uglification of both the 
urban and the rural scene. 

No one is arguing that there should 
not be ап adequate highway system 
in this country. But the single-minded 
emphasis on highways has effectively 
squeezed out any alternative means of 
ground transportation, mass transit or 
otherwise—a tragedy especially for the 
poor, the old and the young, whom the 
automobile-highway system simply fails to 
serve. But we all share the problems of 
the automobile-highway glut. Its perva- 
sive consequences refute the notion that 
environment is not a black man’s con- 
cern, or that the destruction of our cities 
is not the worry of the suburbanite. 

The Administration's budget request 
for 1971, dedicated to the goal of a 
“balanced” transportation policy, would 
allocate nearly two thirds of the 7.5- 
billion-dollar outlay to highways. Though 
recent appropriations for mass transit 


have increased, they still are a pittance 
compared with highway funding—and 
with the need for more and better mass 
transit. Yet the highway lobby—which 
ranges from the automakers and oil com- 
panies to the state highway officials and 
is as potent as the military-industrial com- 
plex—says the U.S. road program will 
need up to 320 bi 
next 15 years and has mounted an арртез- 
sive campaign against w i 

‘Trust Fund monies for any other purpose. 

In sum, the leadership of this country 
thus far has brought little more than 
cosmetic rhetoric to the environmental 
crisis. The pol ns and the heads of 
industry haven't even begun to discuss 
seriously the scope of the problem or the 
kind of action that is going to be neces 
sary. At the heart of the matter is the 
old, tragically mistaken assumption that 
if private enterprise can tura out more 
automobiles, airplanes and TV sets than 
the rest of the world combined, it can 
do our social planning for us, set our 
national priorities, shape our social sys 
tem, even establish our individual aspira- 
tions. We are still pursuing the philosophy 
articulated by Secretary of Defense 
Charles Wilson back in the mid-1950s, 
when he said: What is good for the 
country is good for General Motors, and 
what's good for General Motors is good 
for the country. 

Winning the war against the incre 
ble waste and environmental destruction 
that is resulting from present national 
attitudes and policies is going to require 
a sustained ethical, financial and politi 
cal commitment by the whole country on 
a scale without parallel in our history. 
"rhe price tag to meet the challenge will 
be giganti „ 20-25 billion 
dollars a year over and above the current 
environmental spending level. 

By not budgeting the necessary money, 
the nation is suffering a cost far greater 
than any cleanup ЫЙ could ever be. In 
effect, we've been paying a tax of 12-15 
billion dollars а year on air pollution 
alone—that's what the property damage 
figure comes to. If we invested that much 
money in solving the air-pollution prob- 
lem, we would have it licked іп just a few 
years, Water pollution causes ап addi- 
tional 12billion-dollar property damage 
loss. And Dr. Paul Kotin, director of 
the National Institute of Environmental 
Health Sciences, estimated in October 
1970 that our misuse of the environment 
15 costing Americans 35 billion dollars a 
year in ill health and related losses. But 
по one has successfully estimated the 
total environmental damage bill we pay 
each year in ruined health and property, 
spoiled recreation, devastated resources 


as a beginnir 


and diminished quality of life for all 

For any hope of success over the long 
range, the war to stop environmental 
degradation must be waged on two 
fronts—the philosophical and the ph: 
cal. The first must involve adopting а 
new attitude of respect for ourselves as a 
species and for all other living creatures. 
We must accept the fact that the earth is 
a finite system incapable of being end- 
lessly exploited, a relatively insignificant 
particle in a tremendous galaxy, with a 
thin envelope of air and a much thinner 
coating of soil, with limited water and 
minerals—and with a limited capacity to 
support life. We must recognize that when 
we upset the balance of nature, we start 
a chain reaction that ultimately affects all 
living things, including ourselves. When 
we drive other species to extinction, we 
should recall John Donne’s classic lines: 
“And therefore never send to know for 
whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.” 

If we are to achieve a decent, livable 
environment, we are going to have to 
adopt new policies of a kind that will 
interfere with what many have consid- 
ered their right to use and abuse our air, 
water and land just because that is what 
we have done throughout our history. 
Getting the job done will involve major 
responsibilities on the part of the indi- 
vidual, on the part of local and state 
governments and on the part of the 
nation itself. The entire campaign rests 
n a concerned and involved citizenry. 
Only if the people themselves compel 
change through the political system—by 
electing informed and committed candi- 
dates, by bringing suits against polluters 
--сап the fight be won. Many of the 
battles will be fought on the local and 
state levels. But as a United States Sena- 
tor, I am especially concerned about what 
can be done by the Federal Government. 
The following are what 1 consider the 
steps necessary to a minimal beg 

A National Policy on ius 
Growth: We must establish а national 
policy that reconciles our powerful drive 
for growth in quantity with the need to 
preserve and enhance the quality of life, 
Such a policy must include establishing 
far better measures of our progress than 
sheer numbers of consumer goods pro- 
duced or the gross national product 
alone. As economist Robert Lekachman 
has noted, the present G. N. P. goes up 
even when a new pulp mill pours wastes 
into a river and people downstream һауе 
to pay to treat the dirty water. 

To establish a true measure of this 
country’s actual growth, we must require 
that the costs of protecting the environ- 
ment be made a part of doing business. 
As an example, we ought to consider 
Lekachman's proposal to require airlines 

(continued on page 259) 


mama. i 


DEALING, 


or the 
Berkele 
ES 
РЄ rick 
Lost-bag 
Blues 


Part two of а new novel 


By MICHAEL AND DOUGLAS 
CRICHTON WRITING AS 
“MICHAEL DOUGLAS” 


SYNOPSIS: I'm Peter Harkness, a Har- 
тата student, and all of this started one 
day when I flew into San Francisco, hav- 
ing taken a highly unofficial leave from 
classes. In my hand, I had a very special 
aluminum-lined, double-locked suitcase; in 
ту sporis coal, I had a bulge caused by 
52500 worth of hank notes; in my head, 
Thad the Berkeley address of a man called 
Musty—all provided by a guy named 
John back in Cambridge. 

Musty, at 23, was one of the biggest 
and most efficient marijuana wholesalers 
оп the Coast. My job was fairly simple: 
I would give Musty the bank notes. 
Musty would give me ten bricks of dope 
neatly wrapped in foil. 1 would stow 
them in my suitcase and fly back to 
Boston. I would then hand them over 
to John. Simple —except that the scenario 
didn't play ihe way it was written. 

Nobody was home at 339 Holly Street 
when I got there, so 1 wailed іп my rented 
сат. A few minutes later, some visitors 
arrived—a whole squad of cops and 
narcs out to bust Musty. As soon as 1 
could, I got out of there. 

Berkeley, as 1 saw it, was jumping in 
its usual late-Sixties fashion. On the 
avenue: stoned, hostile, funky, greaser 
freaks and stoned, outasight, panhandle 
freaks. Up on campus: a sullen clump of 
cops just waiting 10 come out swinging. 
In Sproul Plaza: a ring of picketers chant- 
ing and stomping. 

When 1 finally made connections with 
Musty in Oakland, he was very cool. He'd 
avoided the bust and he had the bricks 
for me. When Musty invited me to smoke 


8 


a Іше of his stuff and Lou, a friend of 
his, borrowed my car, I stayed on. I stayed 
on so long I got fairly stoned and very 
weary. Musty sent me to an empty up- 
stairs bedroom for the night. 

Only it wasn’t empty; it had a girl 
named Sukie in it and she was there be- 
cause it seemed that her dog was having 
puppies in her own room. So we smoked 
some of her grass and we talked some, 
and eventually things began to go very 
well. And would have gone a lot better 
if there hadn't been a sudden knock on 
the door, at which three guys in pin-stripe 
suis march in, looking like walk-ons for 
Robert Stack and dangling their wallet 
badges. 

They searched the room, but, mirac- 
ulously, they didn't find any lids. I 
couldn't figure why they were 50 sure of 
themselves. I finally got the story when I 
was booked. Lon, that friend of Musty's, 
had been stopped by a traffic cop. There 
had been a lid of Lou's dope under the 
seat. When he was pulled in, Lou got 
very helpful and gave them my name and 
Musty’s address. 

It was just a freak accident, the kind 
of dreary, half-assed thing that could hap 
pen to anybody. Still, I was the one who 
was in trouble now. 


NOTES FROM Jam: Brought to you by 
the silent majority of Alameda County 
Arrival sensations, Jail really exists. 
Astoundingly dull. In conception, execu- 
tion, duration, the idea of jail is a wa- 
tershed in man’s inanity to Does 
have its good points. A raving genius 
couldn't possibly have thought of a sim- 
pler way to drive one absolutely crazy. 
Sense deprivation child's play compared 
with this. Jail is will deprivation. No 
life. Death meaningless. Ambition a tor- 
ture. Failure a vision іп stecl. 

More: Yt goes on. Green everywhere, 
bathroom green. Like going blind from 

п overdose of ethyl creme de menthe. 

anty runs a tight ship. Enter jail 
proper, all personal effects removed and 
checked. Money, matches, belt, shoe- 
laces. Don't want people hanging them- 
selves by their shoelaces, Then on to 
conyerted shower stall, also green, big 
enough for three men, sitting, Five men 
are standing. Pay phone on wall, am 
allowed two calls, lawyer and bondsman. 
Names of bondsmen scrawled all over 
the wall, no lawyers. Seardrand-seizurc 
manual forgot to tell me they take my 
money away when I come in. I can't call. 
Others are calling. Suddenly realize 
they've been through all this before 
Have to have been through it to know 
the ropes, like everything else, Whacked- 
out old bestubbled wino asking everyone 


The pig came out from behind the desk. “You're a really 
funny guy, Harkness,” he said, and kneed me in the groin. 


PLAYBOY 


154 


if he сап blow them. Sorry, bud. Gets 
heavy and I start singing. Very effective. 
Yell till your lungs burst, but singing 
drives the guards crazy. Transferred im- 
mediately to cell by myself. 

Cell: Incredible. Everything electric, 
contiolled from out in the hall. No keys 
like the movies Bars four inches apart 
and croseriveted. can't cut and b 
Mine one of eight cells looking onto 
large room connected to messroom and 
guards’ corridor. Altogether, ten doors 
for the one block, all controlled from 
corridor. More green. Bare bulbs on all 
day, all night, no sunlight. No ай. No 
idea what time, they have taken my 
watch. Might slit my wrists. Know that x 
mount of time has elapsed, due to un- 
dentifiable slop brought around twice a 
day. Never cat but go out to messroom, a 
chance to leave the cell. Doors lock be- 
1 mess. Four steel slats rivet- 
cell, one has a blanket, 
‚ good to 
have a ket. Light directly overhead 
through grating, wish I had something to 
poke it ош. Combination can-drinking 
fo in my cell hed to wall. 1 
pis on mess floor. Anything to fuck 
them up. 

Amusements: Good deal of writing on 
the wall. Jails probably the most creative 
places in America. No time, have to 
create your own. Tremendous variety. 
Slogans, dates, epithets, jokes, obsceni- 
ties. Some take me back to fourth grade. 
others brilliant Everything indelible, 
се scratched into paint on wall. No 
pens allowed. Layers of painted-over 
graihti beneath current coat of paint. 
Deciphering these provides blessedly 
time-consuming endeavor. One magazine 


з cell. old copy of Life last scen in 
parents 


living room. “Ancient Egypt: 
of Empire.” Very appropriate 
All is lost empire here. Carefully 
drawn lifesize penis inserted into Nefer 
's mouth on cover. Excellent job 
sh: Someone smuggled a pen in to do 
that. Have to know the ropes. 

Not eating makes me sleepy. I sleep 
lot, surprisingly good dreams. All of 
things I cannot have, In one dream, I 
order a Coke, the guard brings it. I wake 
up crying, so happy. and see green. Back 
to sleep. 1 have no matches and nothing 
to smoke, Guards won't give me any, the 
cunts. First meal third day, they come 
1 take me out, Everything sharp and 
clear in my head from not eating. Gums 
hurt from no nicotine. No one іп cells 
looks up as I go. Why bother? They're 
still in. Down the hall, the desk. This the 
outofarer? Yeah. Two of the plain- 
clothesmen who picked me up there. Ma 
nila envelope with what looks like my 
name on desk. Wrist watch, belt, ball 
point, blah blah blah. Piece of paper, 

gn here, Where? Here. Plainclothesmen 
pull my hands behind again, on with the 
cuffs. Wait a minute, T hear my voice. 


First time Гуе spoken in three days. It 


sounds crystal clear. Wait a minute, 1 
had 20 bucks on me when I came in 
here. Frown behind the desk. See the 
receipt? See your signature? You signed 
on, you're signed off. So get the hell out 
Wait a minute, I repeat, 1 had 20 bucks, 
see the 20 in the corner there? Behind 
the desk, heavy now. Hed like to work 
me over culled. I th A 
пе, huh? he says. Looking at plam- 
clothesmen, like, Do him good for me 
That's your cell number! he says. About- 
face. Have to know the ropes. For 
march, past two guards 
thick steel door, locks inside and out 
all sign on door says, BE SURE TO CLOSE. 
ır AS vov co. Don't worry, fellas, you 
don't have to say it twice. 
tion was a flight up and had 
padded chairs. It was a small room, but 
on the way up, I passed through an office 
of busy secretaries and big broad win- 
dows with the sun coming through. And 
then I realized that if they'd just wanted 
to interrogate me, they could have done 
it in the cell and a lot more privatel 
тоо. The fact that they were doing it 
here meant only one thing—1 was out. 
Inside the room, they took the culis off 
and I found myself facing Crewcut and 
Fats. They sat and stared at me. 
1 day is this?" I said 


I nodded. Groovy. Economics on 
day. I hoped that Herbie would be 
good form when I got back. 

Then the third guy came in, the head 


a lot of noise taking off his coat and 
unbuckling his shoulder holster. He 
reached into his desk and fumbled 
around for a moment. 


ila envelope 
сису. But no match- 
es. ] shook out a cigarette and looked 
over at the pig. who was still fumbling 
in the desk. I hoped he was go 
produce a light. 

Instead, he whipped out a pl: 
ic full of dope and stuck it in 
That was supposed to scare me shitless. 1 
turned to Crewcut and said: "Cot a 


smoke." he said. 
1 looked at the second guy, who just 
shook his head slowly, like he could 
hardly be bothered shaking his head at 
me 
So I reached 
and pulled а 


to my manila envelope 
t my belt and put it on. 


Then I put in my shoelaces and wound 
my wrist watch and put my pen in шу 
pocket. Nobody said anything until the 


pig said: “There атс some questions we'd 


to face him. “You 


got 


don't smoke,” he said. Nicotine 
stains all over his fingers. 
"There are some questions we'd like to. 
ask you.” Crewcut repeated. 


“Before you go,” Deskmi 


speaking, 


significant tone. It was good to know that 
I'd been right about getting out and 1 got 
a heady adrenaline rush of anticipation, 


"Tell us about your friend." 
“My friend?” 
“Now, let's not waste each other's 
єс, fella,” Crewcut said. “We've been 


through all this befor 

“We know all about you,” Deskman 
1. I noticed how thick his glasses were. 
There was nothing to say. 1 still want- 
cd a smoke. 

“We got your friend, he’s in the other 
room. if you want to speak to him," 
Crewcut said. Sure you do, chum, I 
thought. "And we've got your mariju 
here" — Deskman lifted the bag in the 
and gazed at i—"so you might as well 
play ball. Now, aré you going to tell us 
about it or no 

“About what?" 

They didn't blink. "About the schole 
thing." 


sa 


t any whole thing,” 1 said. 
“Гуе never been to Berkeley before— 
Y'm a student in Boston and I happen to 
be on vacation, which is almost over 
now, thanks to yon gentlemen—and 1 
met the girl I was with when you picked 
me up on Telegraph that afternoon. 
And we got along. so she offered to put 
me up." Smirks all around. "And 0 
guy, Lou whoever he is, needed а car, 
and she knew him and said he was all 
ght, and 1 lent him my car. Now, the 
fact that he was busted with an ounce of 
ma n my car may be legal 
grounds for hassling me, but it does 
n I'm going to know about ‘the 
whole thing” I haven't got the slightest 
idea what he was doing with the dope or 
where he got it. Why don't you ask 


“We have. He said it was yours.” 
“Mine? Y don't even smoke marijuan 
I haven't touched dope for years. There's 
a lot of things you can try to pin on me, 
but a dope rap isn't one of them. 
You've got one on you right now, 
buddy boy." 
Did you by any chance get any finger- 
prints off this bag of marijuana? Did you 
by any chance find any of my prints? Or 
you simply take his word for it, d 
cause it was my car, it was my bag of 
dope? Isn't it usually the case that where 
there's a lid, there's a pound, or a kilo or 
a number of kilos? And did you find any 
dope in the young lady's room that night 
ог on my person at that time? And have 
you found nce then?" I was getting 
worked up and I remembered suddenly 
the tracks оп Lou's arms and decided to 
e a new tack. "In other word 
you doing anything except hassl 
on the word of a paranoid speed fr 
who borrowed my car and then 1 
bum rap on те 
“Relax, Harkness,” said Deskman. 
“Yeah, we did all those things and we 
in't got much on you. But the fact 
(continued on page 182) 


a unique photographic statement 
captures the combination of joy, 
passion, intimacy, revelation 

and sensuality that is sex 


First in wood and 
stone, then with paint 
and finally through 
the camera lens, man 


has endeavored to 
capture and convey the 
emotions and aesthetics 
of the act of love. 


“” 


y^ 


In the right hands, 
the camera proves a 
masterful limner 
of love, whether 


preserving a single 
moment of pleasure 
or multiplying the 
images of ecstasy. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MAURY HANMONI 


ABOUT MAJOR BIXBY: Eighteen months scanning the skies as ап Army Air Corps plane spotter in the Panama 
Canal Zone constitutes only part of Major Howdy Bixby's credentials as an aviation expert extraordinaire. Major 
Bixby is the brilliant nephew of a civilian superintendent of the Air Corps partsand-salvage depot at Port Wee 

Texas, where he spent several unforgettable summers in his youth, sometime in the late Teens or early Twenties. 
A former champion airplane modeler, Major Bixby enlisted in the Air Corps when the storm clouds gathered over 
Europe and soon found himself in charge of many laundries. It was at Pearl Harbor on that fateful December day 
that his Air Corps career ended; in the excitement, Major Bixby caught his finger in a mangle and was invalided 
out on a medical discharge shortly thereafter. It was then that Major Bixby turned to writing. This is his first con- 
tribution to a major magazine, although he has been published frequently in enthusiast journals such as Radial 
Engine Review, The Focke-Wulf Fancier's Quarterly and P-38. He once talked on the radio. Major Bixby lives in 
a mobile home near the municipal airport at Albany, New York. Не has two dogs. He lists his wife as a missing person. 


MAJOR HOWDY BIXBY’S 
ALBUM OF 
FORGOTTEN WARBIRDS 


humor By BROCK YATES and BRUCE McCALL 


а unique collection of those incredible world war two 
fighting planes that emblazoned the sky and history 
with their fiery feats of derring-do 


FOREWORD BY AIR VICE-MARSIIAL THE RT. HON. SIR CECIL WALLOWS BOWSER, O. B. E, D. F. C., 
FORMER CUSTODIAN IN CHIEF OF HER MAJESTY'S HEAVIER-THAN-AIR ARCHIVE: It is not entirely 
unfitting, one likes to presume, that the foreword to this work by an American should emanate from a British pen. 
Were America and Great Britain not warbirds together not once, not twice, but even more often than that? The 
answer is not no. Major Bixby has got together a remarkable collection of aircraft. Some of them have long been for- 
gotten; others, not so long. All have one thing in common: wings. The very thing that makes aviation possible can 
be spotted on cach page by even the middling-bright schoolboy. I myself detected it right off. “Without wings.” a 
sage once said, “airplanes would crash.” It hardly seems credible—seems incredible, in point of fact—that a not 
inconsiderable number of these gallant guardians and galleons of the clouds have уа! hed, not only from the skies 
but from the ground as well. Perhaps all of them are now gone. Sad; and yet, as one of the wisest men I ever knew 
once said whilst gazing at a calendar, “Yesterday is the day before this one.” The calendar gets abreast even of war- 
birds. Sometimes moves a bit ahead, in point of fact. Today's young aviators would not do entirely unwell to pause 
and ponder this. It has stood me in good stead during many a sober moment, of which an archivist must needs have 
more, perhaps, than his due share. Major Bixby has no reason to feel ashamed of his efforts here, for which these 
entirely inadequate words shall, I hope, serve as sufficient introduction. One could quibble, of course, with the 
omission of a few of his own “pet” aircraft, which somehow fell victim to the editor's remorseless shears. Something 
after all is lacking in any compilation of brave patrollers of the nimbus bastions that omits mention of the Miles 
Glowworm—that plucky little trainer in which so many of my contemporaries “cut their teeth” and learned the 
awesome penalty of a moment's inattention. And what compendium of winged glory can call itself comprehensive 
that fails to do as much as mention the Breda Volante Retardo, the graceful pre-War Italian sail bomber that sticks 
incradicably in the mind, tailspinning to earth like some giant paper plaything? But this is not the time or place 
to cavil. It is Major Bixby's album to do with as he sees fit; and if it is not quite what a professional British hcavicr- 
than-air historian would have done, charged with a similar undertaking, one must, for the sake of cordiality if 
nothing clse—the same cordiality Britain employed in order to suffer American cooperation in recent years —with- 
hold his professional opinion. If all aircraft are not here, many are. If all the information is not forthcoming, 
most is. If all the facts are not entirely accurate, the general attempt is by no means scandalous. In closing, one 
so wishes for a red pencil and a few hours alone with the galley proofs! But Major Bixby—whom, incidentally, I 
have never met and whom nobody at the Heavier-than-Air Club happens to know—deserves at least our patience. 
And we think he has it. Without further ado, then, I should like to invite the reader to peruse these pages, keeping 
in mind the foregoing and burying his qualms in a greater interest, if he can—that of looking at ures and 
160 reading words about these aircraft, the information supplied being, one is forced to admit, not entirely misleading. 


KAKAKA “SHIRLEY” AMPHIBIOUS PEDAL-BOMBER The originality of Japanese aircraft design w: 
never in question alter the Shirley wobbled onto the scene, albeit briefly, in the closing months of the Pacific war. 
This light (75 Ibs.), cheap ($1.49), last-ditch gesture of a desperate Japanese High Command was in fact little more 
than a bicycle of the air, its propeller turned by pedal power from the pilot. Towed behind a torpedo boat, the 
Shirley would sooner or later rise and fumble skyward, staying aloft exactly as long as its pilot's stamina held out and his 
sprocket chain stayed intact, Hopefully, а U.S. ship would soon be sighted; then, braving massive ack-ack fire as 
well as large birds, the fanatic suicide candidate at the controls, or handle bars, aimed toward his quarry and 
pumped furiously until directly overhead. Then, at the flick of a lever, the underslung wicker basket fell a 

and hit the deck below—and one rabid dog was disgorged to run amuck and wreak its mad havoc. The ravening 
animal, it was assumed, would take a few Yanks with it by the time the end came. Ingenious—but not ingenious 
enough; the dogs proved susceptible to seasickness en route to the target and every known Shirley mission ended 
anticlimax with a dazed mutt vomiting among the gobs while a paper airplane slowly sank off the starboard bow. 


SNUD U-14 MILITARY TRANSPORT The bent fusclage of the Snud 0-14 stood for many years as a Soviet 
military secret; only after the last example of this little-known type had safely crashed was it revealed. During the 
design stage in 1938, а blueprint had been wrinkled accidentally and because nobody would own up to responsi 
ity—since damaging state property carried the death penalty—the ake went unchecked and into production. As 
a work horse transport aircraft, this behemoth of the blue, with its four Kapodny-Gifk engines, each producing 400 
hp, and its vast cargo capacity, “had everything.” Unusual features were tiny cockpits on each wing, where an engi- 
neer sat supervising the engines, and solid pig-iron wheels. These last ingeniously skirted the Russian rubber short- 
age, but caused another problem; reports claim the locomotive-style wheels so badly chewed up even paved landing 
strips that bringing a Snud to earth meant maximum risk to plane, crew and all nearby buildings and collective 
farms. Obliquely, this may explain the Soviet insistence that a Snud had set a world record for nonstop flight іп 1911 
—staying aloft over 64 hours while traveling nearly $500 miles and averaging over 54 mph—and also why the pilot 
and navigator were transported to Siberia immediately after landing and receiving the Order of Heavy Industry. 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY BRUCE MCCALL 


161 


162 


HARLEY-FAIRFAX K-55 AIR-PAL TRAINER “You can't send those nineteen kids up іп a crate like that!” 
bandied the wags whenever a near score of student pilots filed aboard this controversial Army Air Corps ship in 
the late Thirties; and as the Senate hearing later confirmed, they were chillingly close to the truth. The 19 neo- 
phytes could be sent up, all right; it was a matter of how suddenly and how violently they came back down. 
Trouble started with the pilot and worked its way back to the man at the rear. Conceived as an economical flying 
trainer, the Air-Pal was so economical that it lacked any intercom system among instructor and pupils. No prob- 
Jem in a two- or even three-seater—but with 19 sets of controls? Elaborate prebriefings, hand signals, screaming— 
all were tried but all fell short of the desired result, unanimity of action, as in “Bank left!” Happily for all con- 
cerned, a further economy move halted production altogether only five months after it began. But those who flew 
or tried to fly her are not likely to ever forget this stillborn regent of the cloud lanes—memories shared by those 
on the ground lucky and sharp-eyed enough to catch a necessarily brief glimpse of an Air-Pal cartwheeling across the 
sky while 19 plucky, if somewhat perplexed students tried outguessing one another, their teacher and fate itself. 


DOMBROWSKI-SEDLITZ HELICOPTER As World War Two loomed on the horizon, a number of the more 
progressive thinkers on the Polish general staff realized that mobility would be a great factor against the German 
Panzers if fighting broke out. This meant rapid movement of their elite cavalry and horse-drawn artillery—faster than 
even the Polish railway system could carry them. Finally, a design submitted by the famous Polish acro firm of 
Dombrowski-Sedlitz was settled upon, a secret helicopter-autogiro machine powerful enough to lift a mounted 
cavalry battalion of five 85mm artillery pieces and caissons. However, its 6000-hp diesel locomotive engine, coupled 
with the riveted, sheet-iron construction of the fuselage, left the Dombrowski-Sedlitz weighing a hefty 56 tons. This 
gave it barely enough power to lift itself into the ozone, much less its pay load. What's more, the engine took up 
so much room that the only remaining space was consumed by the pilot and three mechanics it took to operate 
the craft while in flight. This handicap, plus a vexing tendency for the machine to break its manual, nonsynchro, 
three-speed transmission—leaving the propellers powerless—forced its grounding after two flights. Minus its wheels 
and propellers, it presently powers a Ferris wheel and merry-go-round at the People’s amusement park in Bydgoszcz. 


DINKEL GX "KLEINEFEUERWERKSWAFTE" When the Reichsministry of Sportive and Jolly Activities 
issued its edict banning unauthorized use of fireworks in April 1945, it triggered creation of one of Nazidom's last 
violent flying death throes: the potentially vicious Dinkel “Little Fireworks Weapon.” The Dinkel was 
merely a metal tube, its fat nether end hollowed out and stuffed with every skyrocket, cherry bomb, Roman candle 
and other explosive that could be culled from warehouses, private homes and factories. The pilot hung on for 
dear life as someone lit the wick protruding from the stern. The craft wiggled and shot ahead on skids, rising into 
the air if the pilot was quick-witted enough to so direct its erratic course. Few Dinkels saw active service, but 
in the last great sentimental gesture of the Hitler era, Reichsmarshal Hermann Goering had four such craft 
assembled, ordered them fueled with fireworks, and then, as his Führer watched, had the Dinkels fly overhead 
skywriting a multicolored swastika in the night sky. Alas, the swastika proved a skywriter's Götterdämmerung 
when all four planes collided at the axis. The Führer was nonetheless said to be delighted at the show. A repeat gala 
featuring 60 GXs was scheduled for the next August, but was canceled by the unexpected turn of events that May. 


SEPTUM NC 2501.2 HIGH-ALTITUDE BOMBER During the middle Thirties, the French Armée de l'Air 
determined that a high-altitude bomber was needed to offset the ominous growth of the Luftwaffe's strategic capa- 
bilities. Designed by winemaker Maurice Lebouge and built by the Avions Septum aircraft cartel, the NC 2501.2 
was powered by a pair of nine-cylinder, in-line Gnome Rhome Petite engines that developed 165 hp at the aircraft's 
intended operating altitude of 19,400 feet. Unfortunately, the Petites were not powerful enough to lift the NC 2501.2 
to that height, forcing it to fly at a more prudent 5600 feet. Bomb load was limited by the necessity of carrying а 
committee of bombardiers—four in number—who voted on the proper time to drop their death«lealing cargo. This 
system was employed because all necessary optics for bombsights were being used at the time for land-based artillery 
sighting systems on the Maginot line, where France chose to make her first (and, as it turned out, her last) gallant 
stand against the Hun. A total of 11 NC 2501.25 were built, although none were completed in time to see action 
before the republic was forced to surrender. However, the Germans evaluated one on the recommendation of the 
Vichy government. After it crashed, Lebouge, facing a firing squad, said defiantly, "We are lovers, not engineers!" 


163 


164 


HUMBLEY-PUDGE GALLIPOL! HEAVYISH BOMBER Lewis gun blazing, flour bags cascading down, the 
pachydermic Gallipoli terrorized practice target ranges across the empire from 1983 to 1939, Four Varley “Panjandrum” 
motors screwed her up to a cruising altitude several feet over the legal minimum of the day. Relatively few were built, 
but more than enough Gallipolis were delivered to the R.A.F., which handed them over to the Royal Indian Air 
Force, which handed them over to the Royal Malayan Air Force, which promptly found itself plagued by whole- 
sale desertions of its flying personnel. The Gallipoli's moment of glory came and, lightninglike, vanished during 
the surprise Japanese invasion of Singapore in early 1912. Hordes of Nips swarmed toward the R.A.F. aerodrome; 
out went the call, “Warm up the Gallipolis!” And, indeed, 36 of the breed might have risen to meet the foe had not 
their special boarding ladders turned up missing. The sobriquet Sitting Duck has clung to the Gallipoli ever since— 
an unjust cut in view of this perfectly harmless old war horse's clearly worthwhile intentions. The last survivor serves 
today as a chicken house—albeit an impressive one—for the Maharani of Gunjipor. It crash-landed on her lawn in 
1944, but the R.A.F., despite numerous reminders, simply keeps forgetting to come round and pick it up. 


CAPRONI-MORONI C2 “SCUD” EXPERIMENTAL FIGHTER When the tide of war turned against it, Fas- 
cist Italy turned with the tide, The C2, or “SCUD,” was one direct result. The engincers of Aeronotico Piccolino 
Abagano Elari Quattori in Turin were charged with designing an aircraft of modern fighter type that could, should 
word come in mid-air of another change in Italian allegiance, instantly reverse course and become part of the now 
friendly force. Thus the unique two-engine configuration, central cockpit with swivel seat and dual controls facing 
fore and alt. Time for the SCUD (meaning “Scuderia con curso il travaia,” or "turncoat") to switch directions and 
sides was set at less than two minutes from a top speed of 265 mph by air-force consultants. This performance cri- 
terion was never tested, much less met, since pilots refused to attempt it, except on the ground with an ambulance 
close by. One pilot did take the sole SCUD prototype aloft, but once airborne decided to visit his mother in Salerno 
and wrecked the craft crash-landing on a nearby beach. The SCUD was painted gold by artisans formerly employed 
in upkeep of the Sistine Chapel. A remarkable feature of the plane, considering its fighter designation, was its total 
lack of armament. The designers successfully resisted all attempts to ruin its unbroken lines with ugly guns. 


humor By JOAN RIVERS 


equal pay, right on—day-care 


centers, terrific! —but as for denying 


AS а was SETTING in the beauty shop, 
having a manicure, a pedicure, a facial, 
a lip wax and a complete thigh wrap, I 
happened to mention to my hairdresser, 
Mr. Phyllis, that I was probably the most 
liberated female around. Mr. Phyllis 
couldn't have agreed more, which really 
made me feel great, because if there's 
anybody who knows about women's lib 
and the raw deal that we women are 
getting, it's my Mr. Phyllis. As a matter 
of fact, he was the one who introduced. 
me to the movement in the first place. 

So, when PLAYnoy approached me and 
said, “Listen, Supermouth. How do you 
stand on women's lib?" I was naturally 
eager to express my views on this issue 
that today, among millions of women, is 
separating the men from the boys. 

Liberation—iv's all we seem to be talk- 
ing about lately. "The words on the lips 
of women being wheeled into hospital 
delivery rooms all over this vast and 
polluted nation are not “That son of a 
bitch, never again,” but, rather, “Give 
me liberation or give me death.” 

I used to think about a lot of other 
things. Things like potty taining, the 
midi versus the mini, are the Playmates 
of the Month airbrushed, whether or not 
the King Family is sterile, does Raquel 
Welch have silicone shots (and if so, 
where»), does Jackie really make it with 
Ari, can Ari really make it with Jackie, 
what will happen to my marriage if 
Chicken Delight ever goes out of busi 
ness? But somehow, all of these ques- 
tions have paled. 

And it’s not just me thinking about 
this. Other great minds are grappling 
with this matter. The Today Show devot- 
ed a whole morning to it, Huntley and 
Brinkley (God, how I miss Chet) spent 
a full weck on it, recently there was an 

ed to it and even © 
gress has a bill pending, along wi 
annual pay raise, to consider amending 
the Constitution to give women equal 
rights. Not a day goes by that you don't 
read an article about it 
or a magazine 

So, ready or not, here's how I feel about 
the whole thing. I'm with the ladies. 1 
feel for the ladies. 1 like ladies. Some of 
my best friends are ladies. (I just wouldn't 
want my sister to marry one.) 

Now, hold it. Don't everybody go rush- 
ing off, hollering, "Sce, even Joan Rivers 


n а newspaper 


those sexy differences between the 
sexes, you've got to be kidding 


is for women's lib.” I just took off the 
wrapping. Wait until you see what's 
inside. 

I'm all for equality—for women to 
hold the same jobs as men, to earn 
the same salaries as men, to be offered 
the same opportunities as men. As a 
matter of fact, I'm for a whole lot of 
things that women's lib stands for. But 
girls, ladies, please start the revolution 
without me. I'll be along a little later. I 
have to make Edgar dinner first. 

You see, Betty, Ti-Grace and Kate, 1 
spent almost three decades finding and 
getting a nice guy like Edgar. So please 
understand, I simply want to enjoy be- 
ing a female-type wife/lover just a little 
bit longer. 

I'm for around-the-clock child-care cen: 
ters. I'm for legalized abortion. I'm for 
almost everything you're demanding. But 
can't I have another year or two to enjoy 
what 1 nearly missed? You girls may be 
sick of being ogled, whistled at and prop- 
ositioned. But, frankly, it turns me on. 

You see, puberty came very late to me. 
Maybe some of you girls had whole foot- 
ball teams panting down your necks, 
Army platoons fumbling in your bodices 
and fraternities snapping at your garter 
belts, Not me. I was the last girl in my 
high school to get a bra and J have 
got the heart to burn it. It took me 28 
years and 109 trips to a dermatologist to 
get caught by a man and I'm not about 
to tell him that I suddenly want to be 
freed. 

I don't want to be manless again. The 
movement keeps glorifying the joys of 
being single. I can't recall one single 
premarital joy. There was a time in my 
life when I would have taken anybody. I 
dated whoever came to my door. Twice, 
I went out with the Avon lady. I used to 
write my name and phone number in 
men’s rooms, I even had a sign on my 
lawn that read, LAST GIRL 
WAY. I remember once getting an obscene 
telephone call and asking the heavy 
breather on the other end to hold on 
until I got a cigarette. And then—miracle 
of miracles—1 finally got married. And 
to a winner guy, yet. And you, who are 
supposed to be my fellow sisters, are 
suggesting I turn in my wedding ring for 
a vibrator? 

Girls, fellow feminists, ladies! 1, Joan 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BILL ARSENAULT 


DEAR 
WOMEN’S 
LIB: 


Rivers, am with you! You'll just have 
to leave some room at the end of the 
line for me, because unless Edgar can 
march with me, I ain't coming. You see, 
he's a prince. He still remembers my 
irthday, our anniversary and where we 
live. Of course, sometimes he says, "I 
appreciate you, Shirley.” But then, no- 
body's perfect 


And if you want to know something, 
Edgar has been a really good sport about 
my throwing in with the movement. He 
lets me wash the car, mow the lawn and 
take out the trash, He doesn’t even care 
I want to throw away my bras and 
girdles. He's even offered to let me wear 
his Jockey shorts to women'slib meetings. 


About those meetings. Last week, I 
heard a speaker advocating that we rid 
ourselves of wigs, false eyelashes and fals- 
ies to make us all equal. That's ridicu- 
lous. If you took away Ann-Margret’s 
wigs and falsies. you'd be left with the 
sexiest ld-headed, flat-chested girl in 
the world. (concluded on page 276) 


165 


PLAYBOY 


166 


VIETNAMIZATION OF AMERICA 


cial problems, would muse that 
ps he ought to discover a Commu- 
guerrilla force in the city so he 
could get more Federal aid. We looked 
at Vietnam and found that what we 
icd we were doing there was fal. 
then we looked homeward and found 
that just as false. We were not the 
country we thought, not the county the 
history books taught us. And symbolical- 
ly, if Vietnam was an example of tech- 
nology used against human beings, then 
it was significant that the most impor- 
tant man of the past decade was not one 
of the great names of the era who had 
stered technology—McNam: 
Bundy, Rusk, Kennedy—but a private 
citizen, Ralph Nader, who didn't work 
through any existing structure or political 
party. It was Nader who made the case 
against a kind of technology used only 
for bigness and profit, used against life 
rather than for it. 

We were a democracy and were told 
often enough to be grateful for that pa 
йере. We had choices, options, freedom. 
But they had snuck by us into the war, 
snuck by Congress, too. Then, as we 
went in deeper, as the reality of the 
failure out there came home to us, the 
Government seemed. unable to do any- 
thing, only to get us in deeper, only to tell 
us that what we saw with our own eyes 
was not true, The feeling of frustration 
with the democratic process was enor- 
mous; we had elected Lyndon Johnson in 
1964 because he wasn't Barry Goldwater 


and wouldn't get us into a war. We 
learned our lesson in 1968—and elect- 
ed Richard Nixon becau he wasn't 


Lyndon Johnson. for that reason and that. 
reason alone. He would get us out of the 
he had a plan. So, having elected 
him, we found that all he had was the 
same old chauvinism of the past, the 
same rhetoric both harsh and foolish: 
peace with honor, we would not be hu- 
miliated, we would never lose а war. 
America somehow was different. We never 
lost wars. All our wars were 


ent, that a President could get up and 
speak humbly and tell the truth that the 
war was a great miscalculation, were 
struck once again by the arrogance of it 
all. We were told by Nixon that Vietnam 
was one of our finest hours (һай it been 
‘one of our finest hours, he would have 
remained a New York City lawyer) and, 
to show it, he went into Cambodia, Viet 
пат begat Cambodia. Cambodia beg: 
Kent State. Even his October 1970 peace 
proposals seemed to be aimed more at the 
American political scene than at the 
Vietnamese realities. Thus the widening 
of the gap between the two America 

1 remember а dinner party for Nelson 
Rockefeller on the night of Kent State 
—not really a social occasion but a po- 
litical one. Nelson and Happy wanted to 


(continued from page 118) 


тесі some young people, writers and 
artists (it was lonely up there on Park 
Avenue; besides, it was an election year). 
A lovely е gliuering 
women, Imported 
Cuban cigars. One's memories of Rocke 
feller were not necessarily bad; he had, 
after all, run against Nixon in 1960, been 
booed by the right wing in 1964 and had 
not been a particularly grievous governor, 
though being more fond of bomb shelters 
than most of us. That evening, however, 
he looked young but seemed old. It 
tumed into an evening of unbelievable 
ШЕ Rockefeller had said по, he 
didn't plan to talk about the war or about 
the defense budget (he had cared about 
the war two years earlier, when 
issue he could use against Nixe 
now he no longer cared, he had lost his 
ion on the war). He sensed our 
bitterness. He didn't share it, but he 
wanted to reassure us. It was gre: 
just great that we could talk 

Disagree. Express our feelings. It was the 
American way. What made us great as a 
country. I could not control myself that 
ight, control my bitterness and anger 
nd, in fact, hate, singling out this man, 
who (God save Standard Oil) was sup- 


posed to be onc of our better politicians, 
this uniquely callous man, Didn't he 
know it had all gone beyond that, beyond 


is stupid Rotary Club speeches, that it 
was too late to congratulate us for having 
the opportunity to sit with him and smoke. 
Cuban cigars and vent our impotence? 
Farewell to you, Nelson Rockefeller. you 
and all yours. 

So there somewhere was a loss of 
th, a loss of confidence and belief. 
One sensed it in himself. I remember the 
first time I saw it, on opening day at 
Yankee Stadium in 1966 with a group of 
friends, mostly writers. One of them had 
a girlfriend along, and when they played. 
the national anthem (a song that at its 
worst had been a bore), she refused to 
stand. She was already doing something 
called draft counseling. I thought her 
refusal to stand was a bit odd, but it was 
her business. Then later that year, watch 

ng the first major anti-war parade іп 
the city, 1 remembered my own con- 
Micting feelings, my anger when I saw 
the Viet Cong flag. a symbol of host 
toward our own county. I'm 

umbed by it all now; ] can't carry the 
Viet Cong flag nor my own. I find myself 
rebelling more and more against the 
symbols of my own country: the more 
patriotic the symbol, the more I with- 
draw. The more some speech invokes the 
greatness of the American past, the more 
dubious I am, not only of the present 
but of the past. 1 don't want апу pa- 
rades nor the national anthem nor the 
patriotic hanky-panky at half time (all, 1 
suspect, that Nixon likes best; it 
America 1 withdraw from). The blind 


acceptance of it all: If it’s American, it’s 
good. Support it now and ask questions 
later. Trust in us, we know bette 

All the old suspicions and doubts about 
the country are back, all the suspicions that 
must have been with my grandfather whe 
he came to the country 80 years ago, which 
ebbed and disappeared through two gen- 
erations of Americanization, better educa- 
tion, shorter no beards—all to make 
it and then, having made it, to become 
alien again in one’s own land. The police 
must have been very visible to him when 
he came to this country (just as he was 
visible to them, looking so diflerent, so 
odd) and they must have disappeared 
my father’s view just as he di 
ared from theirs. But now they are 


in my view; for the first time, the 
of the upper class, disillusioned 
about the war, wearing their hair long. 


smoking pot, can sce the police, and 
vice versa. Now Lam alien again, my hair 
a bit longer; when I'm on an airplane, 
I lock around and sce all the nice young, 
businessmen, out hustling, playing th 
game; I wonder what they think about 
the war and I look at their hair—after 
ll, they look at mine. Our distaste is 
mutual. I judge them just as they must 
be judging me. 

If this is happening with me (after all 
Lam a gentle 36—not too young, not too 
old—in the middle of the battlefield, 
and I can remember World War Two, 
and Fm grateful to this country for 
that, grateful for my education, largely 
liking my life), it is the same with others 
оп both sides, driven from the center, 
driven from faith. reverting to what they 
to older prejudices, be they 


i 


the other side's age-old prejudices against 
the military and the police. (Sometimes 
I wonder, when 1 see upper-class kids 
baiting the cops, if it isn't a new form of 
upper-class snobbism against the lower 
class) There is a new arrogance to this 
country, a lack of willingness to com- 
promise, to temper personal prejudic 


Jerzy Kosinski, a writer who fled Poland 


for America and received a Na 1 Book 
Award їп 1909, said that America has 
changed radically in the decade he 
been here. It has become more Europe: 
less centrist; the people are more out 
spoken, more shrill, He is, I think, 
lutely right: We have moved away from 
the rational concept of events (їп part 
the events themselves, engineered 
like Bundy, Kennedy and Mc- 
who were supreme rationalists. 
turned out to be so irrational). We find 
reflections of our new doubts everywhere. 
It is not, I think, surprising that Richard 
Nixon liked the film Patton so much. It 
is an odd and brilliant film, a film for 
our time. The doves will see it and come 
out dovier; the hawks will emerge hawl 
ier. Nixon surely found in it confirmation 

(continued on page 236) 


TAWA anda 


- 


“IPs not that you don't appeal to me, miss—il's just 
that I'm hung ир on one of my elves... .” 


167 


NICK OF DECEMBER 1 2 
TIVE — 
SAINT NICK d E 


A PROCRASTINATOR'S CALENDAR 
OF LAST-MINUTE YULE LARGESS 


26 


‘TIS THE NIGHT 
AFTER CHRISTMAS, 
AND ALL THROUGH 
THE HOUSE NOT 
A CREATURE IS 
STIRRING—EXCEPT YOU 
AND YOUR MOUSE. . . . 


Your shopping days cre num- 
bered. 1. Zebro-kin bench, by 
Karl Springer, $600. 2. Man's 6- 
drawer vanity, by Lone Furniture, 
about $310. 3. Auto 8 cassette 
movie projector that eliminates 
threading, by Bell & Howell, 
3219.95. 4. MR73 solid-state 
AM/FM stereo tuner featuring 
computer-designed phase linear 
crystal filters, by Mcintosh, $549. 
5. Italian Salo-Sport one-piece 
iving suit, $18.95, ond 
two-piece style, $19.95, both fram 
Vilém 8. Haan. 6. Portable steel 
barbecue set, from ВЛ.А. Cordon 
Bleu, $22.50. 7. European rally 
racing set, 1/32 scale, by Strom- 
becker, $104.50. 8. Ecology 
books: Population, Resources & 
Environment, by Paul and Anne 
Ehrlich, 58.95; Toa Молу, by 
Georg Borgstram, $7.95; Тһе 
Subversive Science, by Paul Shep- 
ord and Daniel McKinley, $8.95; 
Ecolactics, fram The Sierra Club, 
954; Silent Spring, by Rachel Car- 
san, 959; Since Silent Spring, by 
Frank Grohom, Jr, $6.95; and 
The Environmental Crisis, by Har. 
ald W. Helfrich, Jr, $1.95. 9. 
Canvas 20-inch rall bag, by 
Welsh Sparting Gaods, $20. 10. 
Аройо 11 commemorative medal- 
lion cast in bronze, from the In- 
al Numismatic Agency, 
ing desk easel. 11. 
Chrome Mini-David sculpture puz- 
zle, fram Hammacher Schlemmer, 
$125. 12. Bamboo three-piece pic- 
nic basket, from The Yeoman 
Group, $30. 13. The Rolen-Star 
Transducer, с 360-degree indoor- 
outdaor speaker, by Johnson- 
Peterson Marketing, $29.95, 14. 
Aquarius 2000, an estralagical 
parlor game, by Reiss Sales As- 
sociotes, $29.95. 15. Whistle 
Switch to turn lights on/off, etc., 
by Sonus, $14.95. 16. Chrome- 
and-gloss punch-bowl set with 12 
cups, by Eico, $41. 17. Malded 
sportscar haod scoop or instru- 
ment housing, from Vilém 8. Hacn, 
$14.95. 18. Enomeled Peter 
Max samovor with stand ond 
Sterna burner, $35.50, and match- 
ing tray, $6, both Бу Eco. 19. 
Gronde Marque men's toiletries, 
by Speidel, $7.50 the set. 20. 
Silver-plated key chains, from 
De: ud, $12.50 each. 21. 
Steom-All wrinkle remover, by 
Remington, $20.88. 22. 8rass-and- 
gold-filled borwore includes а 
champogne-batile opener, $28, 
ice tongs, $17.50, ond bolle 
opener, $17.50, oll by Actvelle. 
23. Assorted holiday potables 
(prices Vary), all from Munson- 
Shaw. 24. Seduction бох, оп 
adult toy, by Marvin Gloss, $6. 
25. Now rest ye merry. gentlemen. 


169 


PLAYBOY 


170 


TAKE IT WITH YOU 


ask the room clerk to store it in the hotel 
vault for safekeeping, he won't question 
your missing wife's existence. Also, never 
forget that hotels are more interested in 
money than in morals; always pay double. 
room rates when expecting a girlfriend; if 
you try to sneak her into a single, you're 
almost certain to wind up with an 
embarrassing call from the management. 

Happily. traveling with а woman 
other than your bride has been made 
easier in our society, for which we can 
thank mostly the young. They didn't 
pioncer this field, but they popularized 
it, putting them in the class of those 
benefactors who didn't invent indoor 
plumbing but made it available 10 every 
household. As a result, travel has broad. 
ened. The will to fly the friendly skies 
has swelled. Gone is the fear of being 
lonely on vacation. Bringing your own is 
no longer а problem. 

Like everyone else who travels, 1 һауе 
my favorite romantic destinations. 1 
should warn you, though, that my castes 
are pretty simple, possibly because of 
my background, which was frighteningly 
conventional. I mean, compared with 
те, Andy Hardy was far ош. 

І was raised in Detroit at a timc when 
people were happy with much less than 
they have today. As a teenager іп the 
Thirties, I could get excited over a 35- 
cent Benny Goodman record. On dates, 
most of us went by strectcar; you would 
ride by trolley to the girl's house, take 
her by trolley to a show and take her 
home the same way. We thought about 
sex as much as kids do today, but our 
blem was one of logistics. First, where 
could you take the girl? Motels were 
anything but plentiful. And second, if 
you lingered too long at her house, you 
could blow a very important streetcar- 
After 12, they ran only every two hours. 

So love in those days was suffocated 
not by design but by circumstance. If a 
guy got laid, he тап up a flag. A big оле. 
It was rare in those days that you took 
a girl to a romantic retreat. “The lake” 
was the thing. Each summer, four or five 
guys would chip in and rent a cottage 
for a week at one of the upper Midwest's 
many lakes, Then we would spread the 
word to as many girls as we could that 
we would be presiding there. They were 
invited to drop in and “listen to records.” 
After that, it was pot luck (and not in 
today’s sense). 

Even after moving from Detroit to 
Hollywood, 1 had no occasion to take 
girls away on amorous trips. I worked sis 
nights a week as a bartender and I had 
zt tender needs 
g more, except his stamina. Do 
you realize how many women, after three. 
martinis, write their telephone number 
on the back of a match cover and leave 
it under the ashtray for the bartender? 


(continued from page 151) 


‘They do this even when they're with a 
date. As ladies men, bartenders do far 
better than actors, ranking only behind 
doctors and різпо players. 

Not posing as an authority on the 
subject, much less an oracle, I have nev- 
ertheless discovered that when planning 
to take a girl on a trip, you should 
exercise extreme caution in choosing 
your companion. A girl's skill on her 
back, or elsewhere, must, alas, be rated 
among the lesser considerations, 

You begin with the unvarnished truth 
that every woman is a pain in the ass. 
‘They merely vary by degree. Since your 
problem is finding one who is a minimal 
pain, you should scout girls almost the 
way coaches scout. football players. Each 
time one is a pain in the ass, mark 
it down, because she's even money to 
repeat. Above all, never ask a girl you 
don't know intimately to spend a week 
or a weekend with you away from home, 
Eventually, you will regret it, as 1 have 
оп more than one occasion 

Strictly on impulse, 1 once asked a girl 
I hardly knew to come along on a little 
weekend junket to La Jolla, a handsome 
cove 100 miles south of Los Angeles, 
where I was appearing with my partner, 
a fellow you may have heard of, named 
Dan Rowan. The girl and 1 had a lovely 
suite overlooking the Pacific. We arrived 
at sundown and. as I got ready for work, 
she relaxed in a bath, where 1 took her a 
drink before leaving. When I returned a 
few hours later, I started to get friendly 
nd she drew back. 

Is this what you brought me here 
for?" she asked. 

I looked at her 
1 went to sleep. You са 
fun breakfast we had the next morning, 
but at least I was only 30 minutes by air 
from home. What if I had been trapped 
with one like that at Lake Lucerne? 

Basically, there are four types of girls 
who must not be included in your travel 
plans. One is the neglected kind who 
asks, "What am I going to do today 
if you play golf?" Suddenly, you're cor- 
nered, You're obliged to give her daylong 
attention or you'll appear selfish. 

The second type to avoid is the girl 
who's chronically late. Anything chronic 
is deliberate. This is a hostile broad who 
delights in making you cool your heels. 
She bathes slowly, dresses slowly and 
screws around with her hair and make- 
up while you sit and wait for hours. 
Forget her. 

Third is the sneaky-charge artist. 
When you check out of the hotel, you 
discover she's charged $320 at the arcade 
boutique. Without asking, she has bought 
herself a couple of dresses, a swimsuit and 
a purse. This pisses you off; she could 
at least have mentioned it. You are em 
barrassed to tell the cashier her stuff goes 


ica 


back. Instead, you boil in silence. And 
you pay. 

Finally, as a mauer of principle, you 

should. rejea out of hand the long 
ancetelephone artist. You are travel 
ing in Italy and she places calls to all her 
friends in Chicago. You ask sourly, “Do 
you make calls like this when you're 
paying the tab?” 
She answers, "Are you that small 
You've blown thousands on this trip 
nd she's implying уоште cheap. Who 
needs her? 

115 also a good policy to avoid other 
couples. Your own girl is а pain in the 

ss—why inherit aches from а friend's 
broad? The exception to tus rule is 
when the two men spend their days 
golfing. Trouble seldom develops with 
traveling couples at night: the four ol 
you have drinks and dinner and then 
retire. It’s deciding which museums and 
which stained-glass windows to see dur 
ing the day that creates something out of 
an old Sid Caesar sketch 

In the selection of appealing destina- 
tions, tastes naturally vary. Mine show 
peculiar inconsistencies. That's because 1 
am inspired not only by blue lagoons 
and coconut palms but also by certain 
bustling cities. From a penthouse in Syd- 
ney, а town that strikes me as romantic 
as eight San Franciscos, I can look out at 
the harbor and feel as if I were sopping 
up moonlight on the Mediterranean. Ol 
course. with a daiquiri and a naked lady. 
a guy can get romantic in beautiful down 
town Burbank. 

Among my favorite retreats is the 
Maui Hilton, which I visited recently 
with great satisfaction. Fond of the 
lands, I had stayed previously in Hawaii 
at the Mauna Kea Beach Hotel, a place 
of incredible beauty on the island of 
Hawaii. Physically, no hotel is more 
tractive, but I had to split for at least 
three reasons, First, the nights were 
deadly; after nine o'clock, it was like the 
Union League Club. Second, all the 
rooms at the Mauna Kea are identical in 
and furnishings. There are 
по suites, just bedroom and bath. This is 
ad for actors, who spend most of their 
lives in one-room pads. When they get 
lucky and can at lax afford something 
better, they don't want to stay in crowd- 
ed quarters. Third, the rooms come only 
with twin beds. To а romantically іп 
dined fellow, anything less than king-size 

in beds are anti love. 


is a bumm 
Thus, I shifted islands, from Hawaii 
to Maui, where Hilton offered a second- 
apartment with a terrace overlook: 


ing Molokai and Lanai. Below was the 
Auau Channel, not from the old 
whaling port of Lahaina, The apartment 
was spacious, consisting of living room, 
bedroom (with king-size bed), kitchen, 

dressing room and oversized bath, 
Told it was the mating season for 
whales, we dismissed this quickly, pretty 
(continued on page 226) 


got stoned . . . got to 
work a half hour late (one of those 
really-into-my-cornflakes mornings). Per- 
ry White right away doing a number on 
my cardrums, "People dying . . . obituar- 
ics to be written and you home sleeping 

get to work..." And I'm thinking, 
dreaming, you old bastard, not sleeping. 
Dreaming of the day I get my ass out of 
the Daily Planet, away from you and 
your асер staff. The day I'll be liberated 
along with all my working brothers, the 
day the power will belong to the people 
in Mcuopolis. Up the revolution! 

Four years, man. Four in-fucking- 
credible years writing obits for this right- 
wing rag. Cook my br 
wasn't always a radical; 1 didn't always 
» here 


have to do my head before comin 


When I 
а star: tar cub report- 
er" The whole middle-class ambition 
шір. But they beat you down, stand on 
your face—four years writing about 


corpses, four years rewriting Clark Kent's 
illiterate copy, watching that horny bitch 


Lois Lane paw at him. What a bummer! 
But, I ain't gonna be lcadin' no revolu- 
tion, “cause I work with Clark Kent: 


baby—a very brutal cat. Like, 
nate fascist. And if I let my hai 
wig out a little, or if he found out 1 was 
turning on, he'd flick my head off with 
his ring finger. So I am like definitely 
underground around here. Just waiting, 
a little paranoid, trying to cool 


10:30: Kent swaggers in—hungover 
(he's on a heavy booze trip). . . . Walks 
down the row of desks, winking at the 


girls (calls them tomatoes—how cool 
that gets to my desk and says 
orning, Jimmy boy.” I ask him—for 


ike the 500th time—would he please 
stop calling me Jimmy, because my 
name is James and I do have some ex 
pectations as a writer and, after I write 
my first novel, 1 don't want people going 
around saying something like did you 
read War and Peace, by Jimmy Olsen? 
And he comes on with the same old 


routine: bends over my desk, flexing his 
muscles through his Robert Halls, and 
says, so all the chicks can hear, “You 
want to Indian wrestle, Jimmy boy?” 
n, am I tired of that shit. 1 mean, 
ybody around here knows he's Super- 
man—you can sce that shitty red S thing 
through his cheap white shirts—and still 
he's always laying out that machismo 
number. (Everybody knows he's Super 
п, that is, except Perry White—who 
thinks he's Superman's friend—and Lois 
Lane, who's like cosmic dumb.) Then, be- 
fore he leaves my desk, he reaches over, 
grabs my stapler and squeezes it till it 
fuses into something that looks like a 
ball bearing, and 1 just smile and look 
impressed, ‘cause it takes а real man to 
do that, right? (Someday I'm gonna slip 
hima little Kryptonite sandwich and kick 
his fat ass.) 


10:40: White comes out of his office 
screaming like the capitalist pig he is that 
there's a fire at the Metropolis garment 
factory, that (concluded on page 230) 


UNDERGROUNDTATZTHER.DANLIPLANET A! 


if you worked with a dude in long 


whos faster than a speeding bullet, 


more powerful than a 
locomotive and—oh wow!— 
able to leap tall * 
buildings їп a single bound, 
you couldn't stay straight, either 


humor By CRAIG VETTER 


Johns % 
ж.ж; 


ILLUSTRATION BY BOB POST 


сафаи 


171 


PLAYBOY 


172 targer—welf, 


ERADICATING POVERTY (continued from page 149) 


on a woman to see if she were living 
with anyone. If she werc—and in some 
states even if the man were her unem- 
ployed husband—her "sin" would be 
visited upon her children, who would be 
deprived of benefits Ше law had provid- 
ed for them. 

A good part of the recent and dramat 
ic rise in the number of people on wel- 
lare тейесіз the fact that the poor— 
through such groups as the National 
Welfare Rights Organization—are chal- 
lenging these indignities and claiming 
rights to which they've been theoretically 
entitled since the Thirties. Yet, even 
with these gains, the fact remains that 
the most successful welfare program 
this country excludes American citizens, 
Since Cuban refugees had the good luck 
of not being bom in the U.S., they 
qualified for a completely Federal pro- 
gram. It was integrated, comprehensive 
—health care, job counseling, financial 
assistance and the like—and quite suc 
cessful. In taking his first timid steps 
toward a guaranteed income, Mr. Nixon 
hasn't proposed to treat the native born 
as well as the Cuban exiles, but he is 
trying to get them at least a few of the 
advantages of Federal care. 

Under the Family Assistance Program, 
the minimum income would be fixed at 
$1600 for a family of four. In theory, 
thar sum is to be supplemented by 5804 
з food stamps, for a total of 52194. In 
practice, there are counties that don't 
participate in the food-stamp program at 
all and, in any case, it’s a scheme pri 
marily designed to help affluent farmers, 
not to feed the hungry. But even accept: 
ing Mr. Nixon's optimistic assumptions, 
in income of 52491 would create a cate- 
gory of Federally approved poverty 
level of 66 percent of basic necessities 
‘The nonpoor, hearing that a guaranteed 
income had been enacted but not both- 
cring about the details, would then as 
sume that the problem had been solved. 


Our callousness, in short, would have 


become righteous. 

But the lack of money is not the worst 
aspect of the President's plan. The cruel 
est details are all based on ome of the 
most powerful of our antisocial myths: 
that the poor won't work. Mr. Nixon 
wants to require everyone on welfare to 
take a job or training and to lose all 
benefits for refusing. The implication i 
that a toughminded Chief Executive is 
going to force shiftless millions to shape 
up. In fact, there are fewer than 80,000 
employable males among the 8,400,000 
Amei i and a 
third of the poo 
by a full-time male worker who labors 
long, hard hours for starv: 

The great majority of those getting 
welfare aid are children, the aging or— 
and here we come to Mr. Nixon's real 
mothers. So all of the 


Presidents puritan rhetoric about the 
nobility of. work—he originally wanted 
to call his idea "workfare"—is a way of 
saying that its public policy to foi 
povertystricken mothers into the labor 
market as soon as their youngest child 
reaches school age. It is also, 1 suspect, a 
way of punishing “fallen” women, since 
many in this category are welfare mothers 
who had children without benefit of clergy. 

There are, to be sure, mothers who 
should be encouraged to work, and ап 
extensive network of day-care centers 
should make it possible for them and for 
others who are not poor to do so. But 
psychologists would certainly argue that 
at least some of the welfare mothers 


and be at 
home from school. In our male-dominated 
statistics, housework isnt "work" unless 
i's performed by a hired domestic (wl 
a man marries his housekeeper, 
G.N.P. therefore goes down). 

If we could break with that absurdity, 
however, we might realize that paying а 
poor woman for the work of caring for 
her house and children will, in many 
cases, be better for her and for the 
society than coercing her into a job. 

So Mr. Nixon has introduced an excel- 
lent new principle—which could be a 
powerful weapon in the struggle against 
poverty—in a way calculated to make it 
as ineffective, and even as counterpro: 
ductive, as possible, Benefits should not be 
two thirds of need but in the neighbor- 
hood of the $5500 for a у of four 
proposed by Senator 
And there should be an escalator сі 
that automatically 
as the cost of living rises, as well as 
periodic upward adjustments to keep 
pace with the growing economy. 

But wouldn't such an adequate guar 
anteed income tempt more and mor 
Americans to become the parasitic wards 
of an overly indulgent state? ОГ course 
it would—if the labor market is left i 
its present scandalous condition, with 
10,000,000 jobs paying less than a min 
mum wage that is set too low in the first 
place. This is one of the many reasons 
why there must also be a Federally guar- 
anteed right to work. 

For all of Mr. Nixon's celebration of 
the glories of working. he has not pro: 
posed to provi ingle job. In other 
words, he wants all these welfare mothers 
to be forced to scramble for openings 
the existing labor market. And since the 
only standard specified is that the job 
must pay the rate “prevailing for similar 
work in the locality," local oficials could 
use their life-and-death power over these 
women in order to create а cutrate em- 
ployment agency. In Georgia, for exam. 
ple, the rolls used to be cut to the bone 
at harvest time to create a pool of docile, 
hungry labor. Now Mr. Nixon may well 


the 


be commit 
practices 

Last August, Scnators Abraham Ribi- 
col and Fred Harris recognized this ugly 
potential when they urged that money 
be appropriated under the Family Assist 

ce Program to fund 30,000 public 
service jobs for welfare recipients who go 
dough waining but can't find work. 
That's much, much better than Nixon's 
scheme, but it’s only the beginning of a 
beginning, for the irony is that a truly 
radical program—one in which the Gov- 
ernment would net be a reluctant “em 
ployer of last resort" for the rejectees 
from the private sector but would aggres 
sively and creatively channel the wasted 
talents of the poor into socially useful 
jobs—would help the affluent almost as 
much as the poverty-stricken. A Federally 
guaranteed right to work could be not à 
burden but an cnormous opportunity 
for America. 

As long ago as 1966, the Automation 
Commission identified 5,300,000 useful 
jobs that Washington could finance in 
education, health care, social services and 
beautification. Two years and several civ- 
il disorders later, the Riot Commission 
told the Government to fund 1,000,000 
of them at once. Instead, subsidies were 
given to private employers for | 
men whom, in the tight labor mar 
the period, they desperately needed. 
This program mainly succeeded in one 
industry—auto—and as soon as the reces 
sion hit, the companies began to back off 
from their promises and to fire the hard- 
core unemployed whom they had signed 
up with such fanfare 


ng Federal power to such 


stable and extremely useful jobs in the 


public and nonprofit sector. Medicine, 
for instance, is in the midst of such a 
crisi at the President himself has 


We spend more ol 


Sweden, yet the quality of our care is 
inferior to theirs. And there are responsi 
ble studies emphasizing that we cannot 
overcome this problem without the wide 
use of paraprofessionals—nurse’s and doc 
tor's aides who would be recruited from 
among the poor. 

We cannot, in short, waste the lives of 
the working poor in joblessness or dead- 
end occupations. We need them, and 
Federal right-to-work policy could be 
mechanism for channeling them 
critical arcas that would improve the 
quality of life not just for che poor but 
for the entire society 

Indeed, a conservative argument should 
now be stood on its head. Whenever 
there is a campaign to raise the mini 
mum wage, those on the right always 

nsist on the conventional wisdom of 
Economics 1: If the Government arbi 
wrarily prices labor higher than its mar 
ket value, that will motivate employers 
to mechanize such jobs ont of е: 

(continued on pa; 


a portfolio of the past delightful baker's dozen 


Jill Taylor MISS JANUARY 


PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE REVIEW 


THE PLAYMATES OF 1970, like so many of their youth- 
ful contemporaries, seem bent on achieving highly 
individual lile styles. Leading off the years parade 
is Jill Taylor, a sunnyspirited type who refuses to 
live life on the downbeat despite grim headlines and 
prophecies of doom from left and right, “Sometimes 
it's hard to keep from getting cynical or disenchant- 
ed,” says Jill, "but somehow my intuition tells me 
everything is going to turn out for the best.” This 


carefree Californian opts for basking in the sun over 
all other pastimes, but she often diverts herself by 
sketching new outhts—nonmidi and frankly feminine. “I 
don't dig unisex,” she says. “Why should 1 go around 
looking like a guy?” Why, indeed? Equally and pleas- 
ingly feminine are her centerfold companions of 1970 on 
the following pages. Since October afforded a double 
treat—in the delightful form of the Collinson twins— 


the past twelvemonth yielded a bountiful baker's dozen. 173 


Sharon Clark 
MISS AUGUST 
Recently returned from a teach- 
ing stint in the Micronesian 
archipelago of Truk, Sharon is 
settling into the urban swing ol 
things once more in Santa Moni- 
ca, Although her post was on 
Moen, the second-largest island 
of the group, she and her high 
school English students there ex- 
perienced little contact with the 
outside world. Provision-bearing 
fuel ships call on Moen only once 
every few months. Now doing 
some modeling and trying to 
ak into television, Sharon tells 
discovered in the South 
s that 1 don’t really di 

simple life. 1 was homesick for 

and eightlanc highway 


Linda Forsythe 

MISS FEBRUARY 

Using her Playmate modeling fec 
to help further her ambition— 
earning а degree in sociology — 
Linda enrolled in courses at New 
York University. “I feel quite 
strongly about doing social work, 
especially with children," she 
says. “Too many kids have no 
one they can turn to or confide 
in. Eventually they'll be expected 
to take their place in society as 
responsible adults; if we don't 
help them now, theyll never 
make it.” Linda believes in wor 
ing within the system, and is con- 
vinced that she and like minded 
friends comprise the notso-silent 
youth majority that will make its 
mark on the future of the nation. 


Barbara Hillary 
MISS APRIL 
he starred as our Playmate 
for April, Barbara—who had ap- 
peared in a number of television 
commercials and one full-length 
A.T.& T. documentary film— 
has continued to add to her list 
of credits as a freelance model 
and promising young actress. She 
forsaken her former favorite 
ts in Alaska for 

climes in Southern Californi 
but still feels drawn by the lure 
of the north country. “Although 
Alaska can be cold and desolate 
at times, there's something com- 
pelling about the place,” says 
Barbara, “I'd like to go back to 
Juneau someday, if only to get 
my fill of fresh-caught king crab.” 


Carol Willis 

MISS JULY 

"Texas-born Miss July is proud of 
the Cherokee strain in her her- 
itage. “Don't forget, we were the 
only Indian nation with its own i 
written language and the first 7 
with its own newspaper," she 
points out. Carol's family tribe, 
including three sisters and five 
stepbrothers, has dispersed to such 
far-apart points as Florida and 
fornia—where she now makes 
her home—and she warns good- 
humoredly: “We have the Unit- 
ed States virtually surrounded.” 
An outdoorsy type, Carol favors 
hiking as a leisure pursuit and 
plans to add sky- and skindiv- 
ing to her repertoire as soon 
as she finds time for lessons. 


Christine Koren E 
MISS MARCH po 
For her full schedule of personal 
appearances as a Playmate, Chris 
has been fortifying herself with 
home-concocted health-food 
diet. “I admit to being a nut 
on the subject,” says Chris, 
“but I'm convinced that wheat 
germ, avocado honey and pa- 
paya juice are what help keep 
me going.” Miss March tandems 
her regimen with studies she feels 
will help her find herself—yoga 
and metaphysics. “They're far 
superior to artificial stimulants 
and psychedelic drugs as meth- 
ods of self-discovery,” she avows. 
Ch is abo a devotee of fresh 
air and salt water, preferably 
on shipboard. Sailing, anyonc? 


Debhie Ellison. 

MISS SEPTEMBER 

Since appearing in our Septem- 
ber Playmate gatefold, Debbie 
has steadfastly kept her sights on 
a role in the dance world—cither 
as a ballerina or as a critic of 
ballet. She took time out from 
studies at the Boston School of 
Ballet last year to tour Europe 
and to join a student group that 
discussed national priorities with 
public officials їп Washington, 
D.C. She didn't think much of 
what she saw: "Most Congress- 
men send you to their aides or 
have their secretaries tell you 
they're not in. We felt we were 
getting the brush-off." The pols 
must have been myopic; who'd | 
pass up a chance to meet Debbie? | 


Aris Miller 

MISS NOVEMBER 

Miss November із still getting 
her feet back on the ground 
after what she describes as “ап 
unbelievable trip"—with. Hugh 
Hefner and friends aboard the 
most luxurious private jet in the 
world: the Big Bunny, Hefner's 
2. Avis 
was one of five Jet Bunnies as- 
signed to the flight—a month- 
long jaunt through Europe and 
Africa. To become a Jet Bunny, 
Avis had to undergo intensive 
training—first as a Playboy cot- 
tontail, then as a qualified air 
hostess, lastly attending classes 
emphasizing the Big Bunny's par- 
ticular high style, As for us, we 
dig Avis own highflying style. 


Mary and Madeleine Collinson 
MISSES OCTOBER 

pravsoy'S first twin Playmate 
Mary and Madeleine, find th 
identical genetic make-up brings 
them more than double their 
share of attention. Togetherness 
has also helped them bail each 
other out of minor difficulties— 
the sort to be expected when two 
young girls leave home (the is- 
land of Malta) to make their 
mark in a big city (London). 
“People tried to take advantage 
of us because of our inexperience, 
promising us jobs we never got,” 
report M and M. No more; since 
ing our October gatefold, the 
t have been guests on the 
Johnny Carson show and are 
in increasing demand as models. 


Elaine Morton 

MISS JUNE 

Somewhere on a deserted stretch 
of beach along the Baja Califor- 
nia coast, a camper is parked. It 
belongs to Miss June, who used 
her Playmate carnings to buy 
transportation away from "the 
establishment life style іп which 
I was getting bogged dow 
decided to find my own w 
Elaine now takes her days one at 
a time, and communicates with 
friends only occasionally, via 
postcard. To brighten her new 
modus vivendi, she's taken the 
best from her old life as a homc- 
ec student and florists ass 
Two of her current grooves 
cooking her own meals and 
rambling on wildflower hikes. 


Jennifer Liano 

MISS MAY 

Though she loves her native San 
Francisco—“It’s the most beauti- 
ful city in the United States”. 
Jennifer has never been able to 
retrain her wanderlust Now 
Miss May is off and traveling 


to Europe. On an calie: шір 
broad, she visited relatives іп 
Italy; this time, she's junketing 
on her own. “I've always wanted 


to tour Scandinavia,” she ex 
plains. “I'm really impressed with 
the Swedes; they're such beau. 
tilul, independent people.” A 
budding silversmith, Jennifer 
admires the work of Danish 
handcrafismen and hopes to pick 
up a few design ideas during her 
projected. visit to Copenhagen. 


Carol Imhof 

MISS DECEMBER 

PLAYBOY readers were treated to 
eyefilling views of Carol four 
times during 1970: in February, 
part of our spoof, How Other 
Magazines Would Photograph a 
Playmate; in March, as first 
runner-up in the Bunny Beauty 
Contest; again in August, as one 
of the Bunnies of 1970; and fi- 
nally in December, as our year 
ending centerfold atiraction. "It's 
been an amazing twelve months,” 
says Carol, a Chicago Playboy 
Club Bunny, “but I'm sure I'll 
be just as surprised by what 
happens this coming year." We 
wouldn't be at all surprised to 
learn of even more exciting pros 
pects in store for Miss Imhof. 


DEALING 


remains that it was your car and the 
dope was in it, and we can make things 
pretty uncomfortable for you on your. 
ah"—he paused, savoring his own 
thoughts—"vacation. Unless you come 
around and talk dirt with u 

"Talk to you. Y have been talking to 
you. And so far, it hasn't gotten me 
anywhere" I was doing the indignant 
citizen number now and enjoying it 
mensely, after doing time for what even 
they had admitted was a pretty thin 
hustle. "I want a cigarette. I haven't had 
опе for three days. Don't any of you guys 
have a match?” 

Deskman nodded to Crewcut, who 
grudgingly reached into his coat and 
pulled out some matches. Handed them 
to me. As if on signal. all three of them 
pulled out their butts. I lit mine, looked. 
around at all of them and blew the 
match out. Threw it on the floor, put 
the book in my pocket. Crewcut was 
staring at me. Deskman again, suddenly 
intense: 

"You a good friend of O'Shaugnessy se" 

The question caught me completely by 
surprise and I was glad I had the ciga 
rette. Took a long drag. It tasted unbe- 
licvably good. Meanwhile, my thoughts 
not at all under control. Had they bust- 
cd Musty that night, after Ға gone, and 
were they now keeping it from me? Had 
they been watching him the whole time, 
and me, and known why 1 was in the 
house? Had they seen my car at the first 
house that afternoon and followed it, hop- 
ing to catch me with something? (It 
didn’t seem like Hertz to have no tail- 
lights.) Had they planted the dope on 
Lou, just so they could run me in? The 
last made the most sense, ‘cause it would 
explain their letting him off with a few 
questions and “taking his word" that it 
was my dope, Just how much did these 
pigs know? It was all happening very 

ast. I decided the least I could do was 
make them work for it. 
"O'Shaugnessy?" I said 

“Yeah, Harkness, you know Padraic J. 
O'Shaugnessy? Big pusher, long black 
hair and a mustache? Ring any bells?” 
No, I don't know any O’Shaugnessy. 
Is this another one of Lou's ideas?” I 
had to find out. Maybe he was the stool 


had been talking about that 


PLAYBOY 


"No, your friend Lou didn't have any- 
thing to do with it. So you don't know 
any O'Shaugnessy. huh, kid? Fred"—to 
Crewcut—" what's the name һе uses on 
the street, what do the creeps call him 

“Musty.” said Crewcut with the sour 
expression of a man who's blown lunch 
and missed the bowl. 

“Know anybody by the 
Musty?” Deskman said, leaning forward. 

“Musty,” I said, trying to sound as if I 

182 were mulling cah, I met a cat 


name of 


over. 


(continued from page 154) 


named Musty. He was with Lou when I 
met Lou at the house that night. When 
Lou asked me for the car. Wears his hair 
in a ponytail, is that the guy you me: 
Said іп a tone of intense distrust, as if 
that were just the kind of weirdo a nice 
dean-cut Harvard boy like myself could 
never forget. 

“Yeah, that's the one. Seems that you 
have an excellent memory, Harkness, 
when you feel like it.” 

“I do have an excellent memory,” I 
said, “but not for people's last names 
when I only know their first.” 

“OK, wisc ass," said Crewcut. "Didn't 
learn nothing in the cooler, huh? That 
kinda talk's gonna get you nowhere 
around here. We don't wanna know how 
smart you are. We know all about you 
and this O'Shaugnessy. So let's it. Is 
hie the one who gets you the shit? Where 
does he get it? Where'd you meet him? 
Who do you deal the shit to? C'mon, 
Harkness, let's have it. Now! 

The vibrations in the room were get 

ting a bit tense. They were going 
through the kind of verbal foreplay that 
cops do when they're deciding whether 
or not to really hassle you. But Crewcut 
had blown the scene, 1 could sce that 
from the way Deskman was glaring at 
him. He'd given it all away. They knew 
I was connected with Musty, but they 
didn't know how or why or when or 
where. And, probably, they didn't even 
really know, they just had a damned 
good hunch. Deskman shifted position, 
took his glasses off and looked through 
them. Put them back on his nose and 
stid: 
“Now, Harkness, you got a trial com- 
g up, a hearing tomorrow. You play 
ball with us and things could go very 
smoothly. You don't and your vacation's 
going to be something of a financial 
disaster." 

Blew it again, Deskman 
ing. That meant everythil 

"I'm not sa 


Trial. Hear- 
g was all right. 
ng another thing till I see 
a lawyer," I said. 

"You coulda spoke to your lawyer any 
time," Crewcut exploded. 

"Not after you thugs took all my 
money, I couldn 

“You didn’t have any money, Mr. Ex- 
cellent Memory.” Fats said, breaking his 
silence. "I seen you sign the sheet.” 

“1 had twenty bucks, goddamn it, and 
you saw me tell the guy that, too. And 
you saw how he hustled me out of it 
and you played along with him and 
dragged me up here. Sign the sheet, my 
ass.” 

“You wanna go back down and talk it 
over with him?” 

“I want to get out of here, right now, 
І said. "I know damn well somebody's 
paid my bail. or you wouldn't have me. 
up here, and you got no right to hold 


me any longer. I'm not saying апоци 
thing till I see a lawyer. I don't care 
it’s just one of your crummy public de- 
fenders. You wanna try to make those 
phony charges stick, go ahead.” 

Deskman looked at me, sizing me up. 
He knew that I knew that it was all over 
and that he had to Jet me go. But 
wasn't over yet. He held the bag up to 
the light, swung his chair around to face 
me and shoved the bag under my nose. 

How long you been smoking this 
it?" he said 
told you, I don't smoke dope.” 
“How long?" he said, like I better 
answer. 

“I smoked, maybe two years. Maybe 
more. Don't anymore.” 

"O'Shaugnessy turn you onto this shi 


shi 


huh?" 

No, he didn't,” 1 said. Absurd ques 
tions. 

LSD,” said Crewcut, dragging on his 


cigarette fiercely, “what about that shit, 
you take that, шо?” 

“I don't recall being busted for that." 
1 said. 

Deskman leaned forward, strange 
gleam of satisfaction in his eye. as 
though he'd just destroyed the golden 
calf singlehanded. “Tell me, Harkness,” 
he said, “is it good kick" 

1 looked at him, astonished. So that was 
the problem. Well, there wasn't anything 
1 could do for his head, 1 shrugged and 
said: “Beutel alcohol. 

It was pointless to bait the pig, but 1 
couldn't help enjoying it when he sud 
denly began to sweat. His face got red 
and his lower lip twitched. "Only 1175 not 
legal, is it, Harkness? And that doesn't 
bother you, does it, Harkness? You don't 
give a fuck for the law. You can't be 
Bothered with what's legal and what 
isn’. The whole fabric of society is a big 
joke to you, isn’t it? You're just so smart 
you can do whatever you want, can't 
you. Harkness?" 

“How do you figure that?" I said. 

"I don't have to figure kne 
he shouted. "I know it. I know all about 
you 

"You know all about me?” I said and 
looked at him. He was serious. "You 
should've considered the priesthood, licu- 
tenant. This isn't a job for you, it's a 
calling. 

His eyes flashed when 1 said that. He 
rocked feverishly in his chair for a mo- 
ment and then said: "OK. OK, Hark- 
ness. You're pretty funny, you're a pretty 
funny guy. You got a lot of quick an 
swers, a lot of smart-guy know-it-all an 
swers. And you go to your big Ivy 
League school and wear your English 
clothes and your old man buys you 
everything and you're sick, you're sicker 
than hell, and all the bastards like 
But let me tell you something. puni 

His face was now very red. I waited 

(continued on page 242) 


PLAYBOY 


184 


the whole, emotionally catharticized and 
drearily mature. Ecstasy, in the form of 
mystical experience, had also been the 
objective of a growing minority that, since 
the beginning of the century, had been 
fascinated with yoga, Tibetan Buddhism, 
Zen, Vedanta and other forms of Oriental 
meditation; and these people were always 
rather serious and demure. 

But in the Sixties, everything blew ир. 
Someth almost like a mutation broke 
out among people from 15 to 25, to 
the utter consternation of the adult world. 
From San Francisco to Katmandu, there 
suddenly appeared multitudes of hippies 
with hair, beards and costumes that dis- 
quietingly reminded their elders of Jesus 
Christ, the prophets and the apostles— 
who were all at a safe historical distance. 
At the peak of our technological afflu 
these young people renounced the cher. 
ished values of Western civilization —the 
values of property and status. Richness 
of experience, they maintained, was far 
Tore important than things and moncy, 
in pursuit of which their parents were 
miserably and dutifully trapped in squi 
rel cages. 

Scandalously, hippies did not adopt 
the ascetic and celibate ways of tradition- 
al holy men. They took drugs, held se 
ual orgies and substituted. freclov 
communities for the hallowed family c 
cle. Those who hoped that all this was 
just am adolescent quest for kicks that 
Would soon fade away were increasingly 
alarmed, for it appeared to be in lively 
earnest. The hippies moved on from 
marijuana and LSD to Hindu chants 
and yoga, hardly awarc that mysticism, 
in the form of realizing that one's true 
self is the Godhead, is something Western 
socicty would not tolerate. After all, look 
what happened to Jesus. Mysticism, 
or democracy in the kingdom of God, 
scemed arrant subversion and blasphemy 
to people whose official image of God 
had always been monarchical—the cos 
mic counterpart of the Pharaohs and Cy- 
ruses of the ancient world. Mysticism was 
therefore persecuted alike by church and 
state and the taboo still continued—with 
assistance from the psychiatric inquisi 
tion. Admittedly, the hippies were credu- 
lous, undiscriminating and immoderate 
in their spiritual explorations. But if the 
approach was fumbling, the goal was 
clear, I have before me a faded copy of 
the summer 1969 bullctin of what was 
then California's revolutionary Midpe 
insula Free Ui ty (now the world- 
respected Castalia University of. Menlo 
Park), which blundy affirms that “The 
natural state of man is ecstatic wonder; 
we should not settle for les: 

Looking back from 1990, all this 1s 
very understandable, however inept. The 
flower childrcn knew what their parents 
hardly dared contemplate: that they had 
no future. At any moment, they might 
suller instant cremation by the H-bomb 


or the slower and grislier dooms of chem- 
ical and biological warfare. The history 
of m; bchavior warned them that arma- 
ments which exist are almost invariably 
used and may even go off by themselves. 
By the end of 1970, their protests арай 
the power structure of the West (wl 
from their standpoint included Russia), 
combined with the black-power move- 
ment, had so infuriated the mili 
dustrial-policc-labor- Mafia complex 
known as the establishment that the U. 5. 
was close to civil war. 

Happily, it was just Шеп that the 
leading scientists, philosophers and re- 
sponsible statesmen of the world abrupt- 
ly called factionists and politicians to 
their senses. They solemnly proclaimed 
ап ccological crisis and put it so blundy 
that the world almost went into panic. 
Ideological, national and racial disputes 
were children’s tiffs in comparison 
the many-headed menace of overpopu 
tion, totally inadequate food production, 
shortage of water, erosion of soil, pollu- 
tion of air and water, deforestation, poi- 
soncd food and utter chemical imbalance 
of nature. By 1972, по one could refuse to 
sce that all extravagant military and space 
projects must fordiwith be canceled and 
every energy diverted to feeding and 
cleansing the world. Had this not hap- 
pened, I could not be writing to you. 
Civilization would not have endured be- 
yond 1980 and certainly would not have 
taken its present direction. For we have 
gone a long way in persuading people 
that “the natural state of man is Costatic 
wonder.” 

Because ecstasy was rare, crude and 
brief in your day, I should perhaps try to 
define it. Ecstasy is the sensation of sur- 
rendering to vibrations, and sometimes 
to insiphts that take you out of your 
lled self. By and large, "self" as a 
«t sensation is nothing more than 
chronic neuromuscular tension—a habit- 
ual resistance to the pulsing of life; 
which may explain why  nonecatic 
people are correctly described as uptight. 
They are what Freud called analreten- 
tive types and commonly suffer from 
impotence and frigidity, being afraid to 
let themselves go to the spontancous 
rhythms of nature. They conceive man as 
something apart from and even against 
mature, and civilization as an architec- 
ture of resistance to spontancity. It was, 
of course, this attitude, aided by a pow- 
erful technology, that brought about the 
ecological crisis of the carly Seventies 
and. having seen the mistake, we now 
cultivate ecstasy as we once cultivated 
literacy or morality. 

Do not suppose, however, that we are 
merely a society of lotus-caters, lolling on 
divans and cuddling lovely women. Ec- 
stasy is something higher, or further out, 
than ordinary pleasure, and few hip- 
pies realized that its achievement ге- 
quires a particular discipline and skill 


that is comparable «o the art of sailing 
We do not resist the vibrations, pulses 
and rhythms of nature, just as the yachts. 
man does not resist the wind. But he 
knows how to manage his sails and, 
therefore, can use the wind to go wher 
ever he wishes. The art of life, as we see 
it, is navigation. 

Ecstasy is beyond pleasure. Ordinarily, 
one thinks of the rainbow spectrum of 
light as a band having red at one end 
and violet at the other, thus not seeing 
that violet is the mixture of red and 
blue. The spectrum could therefore be 
displayed as a ring or concentric circles in- 
stead of a band, but its eye-striking central 
circle would be where pale, bright yellow 
comes nearest to white light. This would 
represent ecstasy. But it can be ap 
proached in two ways, starting from vio- 
let: through the blues and greens of 
pleasure or the reds and oranges of pain. 
This explains why ecstasy сап be 
achieved іп battle, by ascetic self-torture 
and through the many variations of sado- 
masochistic sexuality. This we call the 
lefthand, or negative, approach. The 


righthand, or positive, approach 15 
through activities that are loving and 
life-affirming. Since both approaches 


reach the same point, it must be noted 
that ecstasy is always a pleasure/pain 
experience, as when one weeps for joy or 
as when there is a certain hurt in intense 
sexual orgasm. 

Pure ecstasy cannot, therefore, be long 
endured, for, as the Bible says, “No man 
can sce God and live.” But frequent 
plunges into ecstasy transform one's nor- 
mal consciousness. The everyday world 
becomes luminous and transparent. The 
chronic neuromuscular tension against 
the world disappears, and thus one loses 
the sensation of carrying ones body 
around like a load. You feel light, almost 
weightless, realizing that you are one 
with a planet that is just falling at ease 
through space. It’s something like the 
happy, released, energetic fecling one 
gets after a splendid experience of love- 
making in the middle of the day. 

Continuing the story, you will remera- 
ber that even as early as 1968, the hippie 
style of life was, in a superficial form, 
becoming fashionable in society at large. 
Beards and longish hair were increasing- 
ly noted upon stockbrokers, doctors, pro- 
fessors and advertising men. Men and 
women alike began to sport sensuous 
and psychedelic fabrics and free-form 
new styles were observed in the highest 
levels of society. Less publicized was Ше 
fact that in these same circles, there was 
a great deal of experimentation with 
marijuana and LSD and а surprising 
number of successful businessmen be- 
came dropouts, fed up with the strain 
and the dubious rewards of maintaining 
the uptight posture. 

‘At the same time, various aspects of 

(continued on page 212) 


THE MIRROR MAN 
АНЕ MIEDOS WVA 


breaking a mirror means seven years’ bad luck—but what happens when one shatters you? 


E HB 


Once upon с wall, on o 
dead-end street, 


there lived a mirror. 


Generally, 

it would not reflect 

images of people. It 

cared only for clouds and 
skies—ond oxcosionol birds. 


Ore doy о 

man was strolling by. 

He stopped to look into the 
mirror—ond saw his face. 


So ongered was he by his 
reflection that he turned 
scorlet with ire. 
Picking up е brick, 
he hurled it 

cot his ongry image. 


But the mirror didn't break. 
Instead, the brick bounced 
back and struck the 

man, who shattered into 

о thousand pieces, 


But his 
reflection б 


remained. at 


A bird seized his rose ond 
dogs made off with his 
baby buggy. 


186 


For weeks the imoge 
enjoyed the clouds 
and skies—and 
оссозопо! birds. 

It grew o beard. 


A street cleaner 
swept away 


uj the debris. 
D c 


Suddenly hungry, the man went to а nearby restaurant 
that was open. “No dunces in here,” shouted the maitre de. 
“Get out, you beardo bum, or | shall coll the militia.“ 
Diners laughed ot the spectacle os he slunk out the door. 


But late one 
night, feeling 
bored and lonely, 
it stepped back 
into reolity. 


At lost a woman took 
notice ond pity. “You 
Poor wretched 

wreck, you 

look just like my 
Alfred, who vanished 
оп New Year's Eve.” 


He collapsed on the street, 


but passers-by paid no heed. & 


She put him in bed 
and fed him lusciously. 
Then they made love. 


She took him home 
ond comforted him. 


we need a new саг. Alfred’s boss 
will give you Alfred's old job.” 


He went to work for a cor, and they 
called him Alfred. The new Alfred 

hod o place in life 
but nowhere to go. 


She would hove all 
manner of wondrous 
delights awaiting the 

home-coming of her Alfred. 


They went on exotic 


tropical vacations. 
He worked for the cor, 


опа bought her o mink stole, too. 


At year's end, his happy boss came to the 
not-so-new Alfred ond said: "You are promoted, 
old boy. let's go out tonight and celebrate." 


Boagled with 

liquor, notso-new 
Alfred stepped out 
for some fresh oir. He 
wolked and walked, 
until he saw his 

face in a mirror on 

o dead-end street. . . . 


They ate and 
drank; they sang 
and danced. 


I'm ready to leave now. 

Looking unhappy, һе sat down uncasi- 
ly on the edge of a silk-covered love seat. 
“This isn’t going to be much of a pi 
that's for sure,” he said slowly. 


“The story's not too good and nobody 


PLAYBOY 


seems to give a damn about the picture; 
1 sure as hell don't. And I wanted to. 
‘There are a few scenes where I'm not 
too bad—scenes where I'm with Elam. 
You see, 1 can't do it by myself; E have 
to react to somebody, and Jack under- 
stands that. The one thing I really can't 
do is laugh; boy, when they tell me to 
laugh, ifs a bitch." Namath was also 
upsct by what he regards as his over-all 
lack of progress as an actor. “I've done 
three pictures now," he noted, “and in all 
three Гус worked with directors who 
were doing their first movie. Jack Haley. 
Jr, in Norwood, Seymour Robbie in 
С. С. and Company and Denys McCoy іп 
ley and Robbie had done a 
n, so even if they were 
new to movies, at least they were in the 
game. No knock on Denys, but all he's 
done is some shorts, and too much of 
the time I'm all alone out there. That's 
am uncomfortable feeling when you're 
brand-new at something. I don't know, 
but the whole movie seems screwed up. 
You'll sce what I mean tomorrow. 

‘The next morning at seven, a black 
1966 Cadillac picked Namath up at the 
hotel and drove to Cinecitta, Mussolini's 
vast, pink monument to the Italian film 
industry. On arrival, Namath was made 
up and dressed in a Western dandy's 
brown suit, then he walked around by 
himself, head down, memorizing his lines. 
He waated to finish early, for he, Elan 
and producer Larry Spangler were throw: 
ing a party for the cast and crew that 
evening. The upcoming scenes didn’t re- 
quire much dialog, but Namath was пегу- 
ous. As he stalked around, the director, 
Denys McCoy, gave him а few words of 
encouragement. McCoy, 32, is a fan. 
“Namath is really stick: h it," he 
said. "He works very hard; he's never late, 
and never unprepared. He's got possibil- 
ies as an actor, too. He gives me things 

I didn't think he could. He's got a lot of 
personal strength that comes through. 
And as long as he’s playing ой somebody 
in а situation chat makes sense to 1, 
he’s fine.” Denys, however, was far from 
enthusiastic about the film. He had been 
called in only two days before shooting 
started, when producer Spangler decided 
he "didn't feel the chemistry was right" 
between the previous director (and аш 
thor of the script), Warren Kieler, and 
himself. Denys, who, with his friend and 
collaborator Rea Redifer, helped rewrite 
the screenplay, agreed to direct the mov- 
ie primarily because he is being bank- 
rolled by Spangler for a feature-length 
documentary about his unde Andrew 
188 Wyeth. “This is a corny picture,” he sai 


BROADWAY JOE (continued from page 130) 


“but there are plenty of good moments 
in it, believe me. I wasn't all that happy 
about doing this film—it had already been 
cast, and there wasn't much we could do 
with the script on such short notice.” 
The days abbreviated shooting was 
ready to begin; Namath had been fidget- 
ing for well over ап hour and he was 
anxious to get it on. In the first of 
three short scenes, he was seated at 
the head of an oval dinner table, where 
he was introduced to two women who 
have minor parts in the film. On his left 
was Marina Coffa, a pretty, temperamen- 
tal 19-year-old who had done some Ital 
television; she plays Camelia, a girl Na- 
math saves [rom a runaway stagecoach 
and who invites him to her aunt's ranch 


for dinner and an overnight visit. The 
aunt, Madame Du Pres, seated at Na- 
math's right, is played by Annamaria 


Chio, a 29-year-old Italian actress who ap- 
peared Medea. The script 
calls for Madame Du Pres to run her 
hand along her dinner guest's right thigh 
until he puts down his fork and holds her 
hand that happens, Camelia runs 
her hand along his lett thigh until he puts 
down his knife to hold her hand. Madame 
Du Pres will then complain that Namath 
t scoffing up his dinner. 

The cameras began rolling shortly aft- 
er nine a.m. Namath nearly gagged on a 
hideoustooking piece of roast chick- 
en, but managed to gobble up a leg almost 
erly as the scene unfolded. Miss 
Chio's hand shot up his right thigh and 
he grabbed it; Miss Сойа" hand landed 
on his left thigh and he snared that one. 
Finally, Miss Chio uttered her deathless 
line: “Easa you mitt tendahr enough, 
apitan? Аһ noteece you arra not eatin’. 
Namath was unable to keep a straight 
face. "Well, {Сэ all right," said Denys. 
"Well just loop it later on." The take 
ended with a close-up of Namath looking 
seductively first at Miss Chio and then at 
Miss Colla. Annamaria reacted well to 
his glance, but when he turned to Miss 
Coffa, she giggled with embarrassment 
and, for some reason, looked over her 
shoulder, leaving Namath to stare seduc- 
tively at her ear. Namath asked, "What's 
the matter?” Marina didn't answer, be- 
cause she couldn't; she speaks no Eng- 
lish. Neither does Annamaria. 

After several more takes, the scene was 
completed and the crew began to light 
another set. Namath sat down, thorough- 
ly unhappy; he got a paper cup to use as 
a spittoon, was handed a little round 


box of Skoal (a wintergreen-Havored 
chewing tobacco) and occupied himself 
chewing and spitting. Marina Colla went 


up to him and, in her quaint Italian way, 
put her face about three inches (rom hi 
and shouted, “Sputa! Poo! Sputa!” Ev 
dently, she did not approve of tobacco 
chewing. A half hour later, Namath tried 
to talk to both of the girls with a produc 


tion assistant as translator, but all he got 
for his wouble was, “Marina says chew. 
ing tobacco is a filthy, disgusting habit. 
Joe could hardly wait for the love scenes 
he had to do with both of diem. 

Actually, he had to wait until after 
lunch. The flm crew had screwed up 
and wasn't ready for another hour or so. 
During the lunch break, everyone суаси- 
ated the sound stage to sit outside the 
building in green-and-white director's 
chairs that had New YORK JETS on them. 
The crew, Ше extras and their friends 
quickly grabbed all the chairs. so Namath 
sat on the building's steps, tying to get 
acquainted with Annamaria; no go. 1 
joined in the nonconversation and my 
lousy French was the equal of her lousy 
French. She told us she has a seven-year 
old son in Bari, on the Adriatic coast, 
that she acts mostly in theater and that 
she was sorry if Mr. Joe was upset because 
she didn't speak English. Mr. Joe was 
not upset; she, at least, was friendly, while 
Marina Colla was a pain in his ass. 

I then met AI Hassan, Namath's “road 
manager.” An intense, 34-year-old former 
speech teacher at the University of Mary- 
land, Al had been in Маша employ 
се February and was very concerned 
lest he become a frecloader. "When I 
feel I'm not contributing anything, ГЇ 
leave,” he said. Although he and N. 
math's two lawyers, Jimmy Walsh and 
Mike Bite (who were also along on the 
trip. run. Namanco—Namath Manage- 
ment Company —Hassan's most. pressing 
duties are to answer Ше phone, hold Joe's 
chewing tobacco and be a good compan- 
ion, for Namath doesn’t take to stran- 
gers. The two men like and respect each 
other, but Hassan (a look-alike for Zach 
ary Scott) is terribly defensive about his 
job, because he's seen that most people 
Namath comes in contact with act like 
funkies. (The fear is justified: I once 
spent a very uncomfortable half hour 


watching silver tongued sportscaster How- 
ard Cosell trying to ingratiate himself with 
Namath.) 


Lunch was finally over and the crew 
was ready to resume shooting. Marina was 
obviously disgusted at having to kiss lips 
that had lately touched tobacco, but her 
Grated bed scene with Namath went 
smoothly. In the film, Joe makes love to 
the niece and sneaks back into his room, 
where the aunt grabs him from behind 
just as he takes off his shirt, kisses him, 
and the camera does a time-honored fade- 
out. Nine people were watching as Na- 
math turned to kiss Annama And all 
nine were surprised as hell when Joc, 
apparently haying reached the limit of 
his patience, exploded. “What the hell 
that?” he said loudly, 
moving away from Miss Chio. “Goddamn 
it, Denys, she kisses like she's nine years 
old! How can I look like I'm starting 
to make love to her if she kisses with her 
mouth closed?" McCoy didn't really 

(continucd on page 256) 


VARGAS GIRL 


“That's what I call starting off 
the New Year with a bang.” 


Va А 8 


man at his leisure 


leroy neiman, playboy's globe-girdling artist, limns the good life of the caribbean’ sun-and-rum capital 


JAMAICA—the island, not the section of New York Gity—will bid welcome this winter to more than 400,000 visitors, 
almost all of them American, British or С; . This lushly tropical. ched retreat, which 90 miles south of Cuba, 
still cxudcs the unspoiled charm that moved its original sctelers, the Araw: s, to name it Naymaca, land of streams and 
incredible—and exceeded only by the beauty of its women,” says LeRoy Neiman. 
mixture of nationalities that range from African and Irish to East Indian, Chinese and 
whether the girls are dressed in expensive cotton frocks; their sensuality is 
k about sexual freedom; they practice it. But not ostentatiously. Invitations to men 
who turn them on are subtly conveyed in a glance or a movement that is purely Jamaican, And their bodies аге as well 
favored by nature as their facial features. On watching a 
arade of Jamaican girls on their way to market, I was re- 
Eliot’s description of a voluptuous woman 
Bliss, of course, is really what 
a y, is the only 
area where there is ever anything remotely resembling а 
t crunch, When I recently visited the island, 1 stayed 
at the Jamaica Playboy Club-Hotel, just outside the small 
town of Ocho Rios. focal point of probably the most pic- 
turesque part of the 145-milelong island. Less than a score 
of hotels are spaced along 20 miles of coast line there, 
running from Oracabessa west to St. Ann's Bay. My days— 
most of which I spent sun-bathing and swimming—were as 
nquil and serene as I wanted them to be. And at 
than enough entertainments to spice 
's a marvelous spot to both relax and 


boil in this former British colony by such island emi- 
тепсе as Noel Coward, who, as every Coward fancier knows, 
joins mad dogs and Englishmen in Jamaica's midday sun." 


Offshore at the Jamaica Playboy Club-Hotel (gatefold), a yacht 
et anchor becomes the site of an early-evening cocktail party. 
Right: At Dunn's River Falls—a 600-foot cascode that con be 
climbed safely—Jamaican beauties sun-bathe and often retire to 
a secluded niche to let the gently plunging waters massage their 
bodies. "They claim it's good for their figures,” says Neiman, 
“and cfter seeing them, you can’t argue the point.” Top, left, at 
The Tunnel discothèque in Kingston, the music is usually slow, and 
dancers entwine themselves around one another; top, right, King- 
ston’s strippers, in contrast to their often bored and boring State- 
side sistersin-the-flesh, are accomplished and exciting performers. 


193 


194 


ime soils the heroes of our youth. 

When we were 16, Thomas Wolfe's 

passion shivered us. Today, he 
often sounds like an intemperate blow- 
hard. The late John Dos Passos marched 
for Sacco and Vanzetti; in sour old age, he 
wrote for National Review. Was F.D. К. 
really the valiant knight we saw waving 
to a crowd one rainy October day on 
Eastern Parkway? And did not Al Smith, 
whom we rooted for against Hoover (aged 
seven, I tearfully defended Al against my 
cousin's slander that he was "a stinkin’ 
drunken bum"), become a reactionary 
crank? 

Luckily for our illusions, there is one 
breed of boyhood idol whose glory never 
tarnishes No exposés, по reassessments 
by smartaleck historians or peckish crit- 
can sully their memory. They аге, of 
course, the athletes of our youth, forever 
brave, forever agile, strong, elegant. Here 
a few of my personal immortals: 

Football: Sid Luckman, red-faced, 
chunky. fading into the end zone at 
Baker Field on a hot September after- 
noon. The Army line rushes him, the 
Columbi ¢ мін Вай prerneds 
and prelaw students. Sid wriggles loose, 
cocks the mighty right arm. pumps. . 

Baseball: Pete Reiser, gallant and 
doomed center fielder of the Brooklyn 
Dodgers, rising high against the treacher- 
ous centerfield wall of Ebbets Ficld, 
cracking bones, bruising flesh. He soars 
upward, a ballet of the undefeated, a 
man whom only the gods can crush. 

Basketball: A City College of New York 
basketball team of the late Thirties— 
Fliegel, Katz, Paris—playing the haughty 
blond Californians from Stanford at Madi 
son Square Garden. Five short Je 
boys, dazzling the crowd with passes, 
feints, strategy, but knowing (as we all 
did) that they must lose, Final score: Stan- 
ford, 45; CCNY, 42. 

Punchball: Jos Dratel and Stanley Bu- 
desa, the greatest punchball players of 
their time, each 14 years old, taking the 
fiell—jogging lightly on sneakered feet— 
against the fearsome Rens, self-proclaimed 
champions of Brownsville, average age: 
16! 

You will find those last two names in 
no record book, no sports encyclopedia. 
But they live indelibly in my memories 
of Depresion years in Brooklyn. Like 
Willie Mays and Joe DiMaggio, Dratel 
and Budesa were the aristocrats of their 
sport, Moreover, it is my conviction that 
our corner of the city, a small wedge 
between Ocean Hill-Brownsville and 
Crown Heights played the toughest, 
smartest punchball ever seen. As Balti- 
more is to lacrosse, so was Prospect Place 
to punchball. 

It was а game of stark simplicity, yet 
subtle, demanding, explosive. For many 
years, I have heard men who grew up in 
New York at the time I did, the Thirties, 
speak reverently (continued on page 198) 


street tics 


а fond remembrance of city-kid sports guaranteed to 
bring tears to the eyes of every erstwhile two-sewer man 
nostalgia dy gerald green 


t 


он, how the women. 
grip and stretch, 
fainting on the horn. 


The men and women 
cry to each other. 
"Touch me, 
my pancak 
id make me you 
And thus, 
like many of u 
the parson 
nd the miller’s wife 
lie down in sin. 


The women ау, 
Come, my fox, 


with middle age, 
so wear me threadb; 
wear me dow! 
wear me out. 
Lick me cle 
as dean as an almond. 


‘The men cry, 
Come, my lily, 
my fringy que 
my gaudy dear, 

salt me a bird 

and be its noose, 
Bounce me off 

ike a shuttlecock. 
Dance me dingo-sweet, 
rd, 


um your li 


ly thing. 


you 


Long ago 

there was a peasant 
who was poor but crafty. 
пог yet a voye 
He had yet to find 
the miller’s wi 
at her gam 
Now he had not enough 
cabbage for supr 
nor clover for his one cow. 
So he slaughtered the cow 
and took the skin 

to tow 
It was worth no more 
a dead fly, 


tha 
but he hoped for profit. 


On his way 
he came upor 


ven 


ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD HOLLAND. 


little peasanmt son kinder- ила Hausmärchen, by the Brothers Grimm Ribald Class 


with damaged wings. 
It lay as crumpled as 

a wet washcloth, 

He said, Come, little fellow, 


you're part of my booty. 


On his way 
there was a fierce storm. 
Hail jabbed the little peas 
¢ toothpicks. 
So he sought shelter at the miller's house. 
The miller’s wife gave him only 
a hunk of stale bread 
and let him lie down on some straw. 
The peasant wrapped himself 

and the raven 
up in the cowhide 
and pretended to fall asleep. 


t's cheeks 


When he 
as still as a sausage, 
the miller's wife 


let in the parson, saying, 
My husband is out, 
so we shall have a feast. 


Roast meat, salad, cakes and wine. 
parso 
his eyes as black as caviar, 


s red as pimientos, 
said, Touch me, my pancake, 
and wake me up. 

And thus they ate. 

And thus 

they dingoed-sweet, 


Then the miller 

was heard stomping on the doorstep 
and the miller's wile 

hid the food about the house 


the cupba 


asked, upon entering, 


in the corner? 
‘The peasant spoke up. 
Itisn 
I sought shelter from the storm. 

You are welcome, said the miller, 

but my stomach is as empty as a flour sack. 
His wife told him she had no food 

but bread and cheese. 

So be it, the miller said 

and the three of them ate. 


nc. 


The miller looked once more 
the cowskin 

and asked its purpose 

The peasant answered, 

I hide my sooth: 
He knows five things about you, 

but the fifth he keeps to himself. 

‘The peasant pinched the raven's head 
croaked krr, krr. 

ns. cd the peasant, 
there is wine under the pillow 

And there it sat, 
аз warm аз а speci 


nen. 


krr. 

They found the roast meat 
under the stove. 

like an old dog. 


alad in the bed 
nd the ader 


Кат, kır. 


Because of all this, 

the miller burned to know the fifth th 
How much? he asked, 

Tittle caring he was being milk 
"They settled on a large sum 
and the soothsayer said, 


4. 


"Ehe Devil is in the cupboard. 
And the miller unlocked it. 


Кат, krr. 


‘There stood the parson, 
rigid for a moment, 
as real as a soup can, 
and then he took oft like a fire 
with the wind at its back 
T have tricked the Devil, 
cried the miller with delight, 
пат tweaked his chin whisk 
I will be as famous as the king. 


The miller's wife 

smiled to herself. 

‘Though never again to dingossw: 
her secret was as safe 


аза fly in an outhouse. 


The sly little peasant 

strode home the next morning, 

a soothsayer upon his shoulder 
nd gold pieces knocking lik 
in his deep pants poke 
Кит, krr 


—Reiola by Anne Sexton ЕЙ 


197 


of stickball, as if it were the supreme 
street game, Perhaps clscwherc—the 
x, Hatbush, Queens. But in Browns- 
was played only occasionally, and 
with not much fervor, a time-wasting 
game of no real merit. 

What punchball and stickball did have 
in common was the Spalding Hi-Bouncer. 
I doubt that any single tencent item, 
before or since, has given so many boys 
so much pleasure for so little cost. Pink 
when new, a reddish-gray after а million 
bouncings on dirty pavements and against. 
buildings, it was a hollow rubber affair, 
slightly smaller than a tennis ball. But 
what versatility it possessed! It could be 
squeezed, sliced, cut, spun, smacked hard, 
punched, thrown, , made to bob, 
hop, curve and reverse direction. Like the 
eggs of some savage sea bird, fresh new 
Spaldings always nested in a cardboard 
box in the flyspecked window of Lieber- 
man's candy store. Locked in their spheri- 
cal perfection were a thousand games, а 
thousand days of wild sport. 

It was a superbly adaptable ball At 
leat three versions of handball were 
played with it. In the insanely marked, 
lopsided, winous schoolyard of Public 
School 144, we played “regulation” 
ball against a high wall, smashin 
at the juncture of wall and pavement 
and screaming “Hindu!” (presumably for 
"Hinder!") when we were blocked. 

Chinese handball, sometimes called. 
ky handball, was played by several 
boys, cach guarding an adjacent square 

lewalk, against a wall. The ball was 
babied on one bounce from box to box, 
ist the wall and into the opponent's 
re. It was a relaxing and mild game 


PLAYBOY 


sq 
and the ball was rarely struck h: 


Placements d tactics were valued 
above strength. It was one of the few 
mes I could play well. 

A third handball variant was boxball, 
in which two opponents faced each 
other, each standing at the rear of a 
square of sidewalk, the line between the 
squares serving as the divider, The ball 
was bandied back and forth, struck only 
with the palm of the hand. The cut, 
the slice, reverse English, were crucial in 
this game, An expert boxball player 
could put such a wicked slice on the 
Hi-Bouncer as to make it jump erratical- 
ly back aver the dividing line. 

A digiession: My own children, raised 
among suburban trees and running 
brooks, know nothing of these games. 
Yet, some years ago, I found them playing 
a game called four square on our black- 
top steet, It was clearly derived from 
boxball. Each child manned a chalked 
square and tapped a large, colored rub- 
ber ball back and forth, using place- 
ments and baby shots and, by apparent 
accord, not attempting hard kills, A de- 
generate form of our game, it lacked 

198 finesse, but they enjoyed it immensely. 


street games ome from page 194) 


Was some primordial urge sending them 
back to the streets? 

In those lean years, we improvised. 
One game led to another. Tiring of 
boxball players could keep their posi- 
tions at the back of their square of grimy 
sidewalk, place a penny on the mid, 
and start а new—and nameless—game. It 
consisted of bouncing the Spalding against 
the coin, attempting to push it over the 
opponent's rear line, Good players could 
spend hours at it. 

Stoopball had several versions. There 
was a basic tame game—olten played by 
Tittle squirts and girls, Players took turns 
throwing the Spalding against a flight of 
stairs, or stoop (from the Dutch stocp, a 
closed porch with steps). Scoring varied, 
but I seem to recall ten points for an 
ordinary catch, 20—or was it 502—for a 
ball that struck the point of a step and 
bounced back to the thrower in a high, 
swift arc. 

"The more violent version of the game 
was not played against a stoop but 
dow ledge or any 
jection from a handy building. It was 
a team game, three or four men to a 
side. The “batter ran up to Ше projec- 
tion and hurled the ball against it full 
force, so that it rebounded into the gut- 
ter (in New York, strects were and may 
still be, called gutters)—on а fly, on a 
line or on the ground. Defensive players, 
arrayed in the street and on the opposite 
sidewalk, had to make the putout. No 
bases were run. Hits were awarded thus: 
опе bounce, a single; two, a double; and 
so on. Scoring was low because fielders 
were extremely agile. Many of these 
games ended in tics, after dragging on 
for hours. For some reason, stoopball on 
Prospect Place у ht game. 

Гус already categorized stickball as a 
minor game. It was, at least in my do- 
main, but it had some interesting muta- 
tions, one of which was known as catcher 
flyer up. Years later, I deduced that the 

e's actual name was catch а fly, you're 
up, because that was the point of the 
game. There were no teams and no score 
was kept. The batter played against the 
field. Hitting fungoes with a broomstick 
shorn of its sweeping end, the batter was 
allowed to belt flies, grounders, line 


drives. The other contestants, stationing 


themselves haphazardly, carned their turn. 
at bat by catching the Hi-Bouncer on the 
fly or, if it were a grounder, rolling it in to 
the horizontal broomstick placed on the 
ground. If the ball struck the stick and 
the batter failed to catch it as it popped 
into the air, the ficlder came to bat. 1 
enjoyed the game because it was not 
fiercely competitive; there was a gentle- 
man’s agreement that all players, no mat- 
ter how inept, be allowed a chance to bat. 
Catcher flyer up could also be played 
th a regulation bat and a softball or 
“indoor” baseball. As the block's “rich” 


boy (my father was an impecunious doc- 
tor), I often brought the “indoor” to the 
madman’s diamond we used in back of 
P.S. 144. It was an idiots notion of a 
baseball field: crazily truncated, short- 
ened by stockadelike fences, harder Шап 
adamant. Negro boys, dark avengers, 
would nd outside the fence, curse us 
and steal the ball when it was hit over. 
Once, the intrepid Stanley Budesa pur- 
sued four of them and singlehandedly, 
by force of personality and a display of 
guts that stunned them, retrieved my 
new ball. 

Regulation baseball was played even 
less often. It required equipment we 
never seemed to have—enough gloves, a 
good hard ball—and a uip to Lincoln 
Terrace Park. We preferred the tree- 
shaded privacy of Prospect Place and the 
crystalline perfection of punchball. Once, 
we went to the park for а baseball game 
and discovered that none of us was qual- 
ified to play catcher. Naturally, Budesa 
volunteered. 1 see him as clearly as I did 
that June day—a skinny blond boy with 
a polite manner, squatting behind home 
plate and pounding the ragged first- 
baseman's mitt he is using, wearing ni 
ther mask nor chest protector nor shin 
guards, squinting behind gold-rimmed 
eyeglasses. We lost, but Stanley threw 
out two men trying to steal and put the 
tag on a fat galoot trying to score on a 
long fly. More than a great athlete, Stan- 
ley had style and grace. 

Football was also a minor sport, al- 
though when the air was crisp (amazing 
how sweet the slum air was then!) and 
the leaves on the streets’ poplars and 
maples blazed red and gold, we filed the 
sky with my own bloated, misshapen 
pigskin or a sock stuffed with rags. Two 
genuine games and one urgame d 
rived from football. One was the familiar 
and touch, the sport later popu 
ized by the Kennedys, Another was the 
more basic throwing association, with no 
blocking and the passer always given a 
chance to get off his heave. The ritualis 
tic affair was “saloojee”—the origin of 
the word mystifies me utterly—and it 
was played by g a victim's ball, or 
сар, or book, and tossing it about over 
his outraged head and waving arms. It 
required anticipation, speed and some- 
times rage to get the stolen item back. 
Fistfights often resulted from а round of 
saloojee. 

The games of which I have written 
grew out of standard American sports— 
baseball, football, But there were others 
that were sui generis, city freaks, nur- 
tured in the dust and stink of Brooklyn. 
What is one to make of a dangorous 
business called kickety can? It must 
have borne some relations! to soccer, 
but we never played soccer or even knew 
about it. Opposing teams kicked a tin 
can across the strcet—trying to cross cach 

(continued on page 277) 


Sven Aroma, 


wherever he's wandered, playboy's on supershel has never failed to find a mother lode of misunderstanding 


"I'll give them 15 more minutes and if , 
nobody yodels, I'm going back to the hotel!" 


ITALY T 


200 


"I don't know the exact address, but it's right behind a church. . . +.” 


SPAIN 


In an inn of legended Granada, Shel dances 
the traditional flamenco with a group of 
high-spirited gypsies. Wherever he roams, 
he trips the local fantastic, sings local songs. 


"OK, but now let's look at it from 
the bullfighter's point of view! . . ." 


23228 che Ava [Ё 


"Pssst—a word of warning, 
О bearded one—beware the 
fatal charms of Fatima, of 
the flashing eyes, who dances 
nightly at the Casbah Club, 
23 Rue Rakir, continuous "For heaven's sake, cut 
shows from 9:50 to 1:30, no out the "Open Sesame" stuff 
cover, no minimum —" апа ring the doorbell!" 


LONDON 


"Well, they don't call them sentry 
boxes where I come from . + . ! But it was 
Anglophile Shel digs the for-out threads an honest mistake . . . and I said I was 
worn by o busbied Buckinghom Poloce guord. sorry . . . and I will clean it ир!" 


SCANDINAVIA 


202 "You'll like Urla e . . she's a typical 
Scandinavian girl . . . blonde hair . . . 
blue eyes . . . nice figure... tall. . . . 


А 


— Your American women—they 


think of sex as Something dirty— 
something to be ashamed of—they 
hide their desires—they frustrate 
their instincts—they deny that 
they are human. We French—we 
"With all the American tourists realize that sex is good and clean 
arriving, monsieur, these small, dark, and natural and beautiful—we 
dingy garrets are quite expensive. follow our instincts. When I feel 
However, if you'd consider a large, clean, like going to bed with a man, 
well-lit room on the first floor. . . ." I go to bed with 
ell, how about it 
"I don't feel like it." 


¿AE AFRICA 


M 


". . . And so the good kind lion let the 
little mousey go free and later when — — O O 
the lion was trapped in a big net and en Iu RM eee pe 
couldn't get loose, the grateful mousey as tall as they were in King Solomon's Mines." 
came to his aid and gnawed through 
the net and saved his life and. . . ." 


G ; ud 


Mum 


p 


Gs | 
ШЫ ШТ ЕТІН: 


MOSCOW 


"Just think of it, comrade—under the Communist system of equal distribution, once 
every eight years the White Sox would win the pennant!" 


"You see, American girls don't 
understand me . . . er me . . . American 
Birls don't understand . . . uh. . . ." 


"Tell me, Mr. Silverstein—is it true 
what they say about American women?" 


"You see, Mr. Silverstein— 
in the hula, the story is 
told with the hands . . . the 
hands, Mr. Silverstein . . . you 


"Aloha, sir . . . and I hope you have to watch the hands. The 
enjoy Hawaii, sir . . . and it's Story is . . . uh, Mr. 


spelled l-e-i, sir . . . and I've Silverstein . . . 


heard that joke 3227 times, sir. . . ." Mr. Silverstein. . . ." gi 


ALASKA 


TE n теат сапие 
find the words to 

express it. Here I 

am in Taxco, the most 
enchanting city in 

the world . . . a beautiful 
girl at my side . . +. 

ап orange sun burning 

in the clear azure 

Sky . « » the rows of 
picturesque adobe 

houses set along a 

lazy street . . . a gentle 
breeze caressing 

our hot bodies . . . tne 
romantic Sounds of 

a guitar being played 

in the distance . e • 

and I think I'm 

getting diarrhea. . . ." 


"You see, you pack the snow into balls like 
this, then you choose up sides and. . . ." 


"You Americans are never satisfied! 
I get us two good seats for the 
corrida and you complain because 
we're in the sun. . „ 50 we exchange 
them for seats in the shade and you 
complain that we're not close enough 
to the bulls . . . so we get the closest seats 
possible, but now you still complain! !* 


"You'll love it here . . . 
unashamedly exposed to life . 
embracing the earth. . . 
luxuristing in the life-giving 
rays of the sun . . . at peace 
with birds and sky and plants 
and animals . . . at one with 
nature! And you also get to 
see a lot of naked girls!!" 


APA NOE 
amp friends with clad tidings fram the outside world. 


"You see, it's clothing 

that stimulates the imagination. 
Now if I were wearing lace 
Panties, you'd probably be all 
excited, but instead you see 

me completely natural and 
that's the reason you're not 

in the least affected, Mr. 
Silverstein... 

Mr. Silverstein. . e ." 


"Listen, Shel, we've been out here for two weeks 
now—when are you going to start drawing . . . ?" 


announcing the thousand-dollar-prize-winning authors and their 
contributions, judged by our editors to be the past year’s most outstanding 


PLAYBOYS ANNUAL 
WRITING AWARDS 


Best Short Story 


Best Major Work 


208 


IRWIN SHAW, winner of 1964's best-short- 
story award, this year captured our prize 
for the best major work with three inter- 
related stories (January, March, July) that 
subsequently became part of his new novel, 
Rich Man, Poor Man. Shaw's closest compet- 
itor was Asa Baber, whose The Land of a 
Million Elephants (February) depicted a 
power struggle in a mythological kingdom. 


Best Essay 


THE AMERICANIZATION 
OF VIETNAM 


DAVID HALBERSTAM, the Pulitzer Prize 
winning New York Times correspondent, 
carned this усаг best-essay award for his 
compassionate scrutiny of our undeclared 
war's disastrous side effects, The Americani- 
zation of Vietnam (January). Runner-up was 
John Clellon Holmes's See Naples and Live 
(June), an evocative tribute to a city and the 
unquenchable vitality of its pcople. 


Best Article 


FUTURE SHOCK 


JOYCE CAROL OATES, the 1969 National 
Book Award winner, claimed another top 
honor—our best-short-story award—with her 
study of human pathos behind revolutionary 
polemics, Saul Bird Says: Relate! Communi- 
cate! Liberate! (October). A close second was 
Scan O'Faolain for Of Sanclity and Whiskey 
(September), his story of an artist whose por- 
trait of a headmaster tells too much. 


ALVIN TOFFLER's brilliant exploration 
of the cataclysmic effect of progress on soci- 
ety, Future Shock (February), later expanded. 
into a best seller, was adjudged our best 
article of 1070. Robert Sherrill's exposé of 
the inhumanity of Armed Forces courts 
martial and penal institutions, Justice, Mili- 
tary Style February), later part of his book 
Military Justice, came in close behind, 


IN REVIEWING PLAYBOY's pages for 1970, we were impressed by the number of distinguished writers whose contribu- 
tions helped us meet the test of editorial relevance inherent in the opening year of a new decade. But our task of 
selecting the eight recipients of our annual writing awards from among all the authors who appeared in the maga- 
zine over the past 12 months was an even greater challenge. The editors finally did manage to choose the winners, 
and—as tokens of our respect and appreciation—each will receive a $1000 prize and an engraved silver medallion 


encased in a clear Lucite prism (shown at left). Along with the recipients of our awards, we also cite those writers 


who came closest to the winners. We hope, however, that our readers and our other outstanding contributors will 
bear in mind that the voting process regrettably but necessarily prevents the inclusion of much that is estimable. 


Best New Writer (fiction) Best New Writer (nonfiction) 


HAL BENNETT, though a well-established 
novelist, took top honors for his first PLAYBOY 
sory, а bizarre tale of а black Southern 
farmer and a weird discovery in his wildly 
productive collard patch, Dotson Gerber Res- 
urrected (November). Paul Theroux rated 
next highest for his sardonic and compelling 
story of a Russian defector, The Prison Diary 
of Jack Faust (September). 


MARVIN KITMAN, 1968's winner, captured 
our humor award again with his irreverent 
audit of George Washington's Expense Ac- 
count (February), which later appeared in 
his widely acdaimed book. Four-time first- 
prize winner Jean Shepherd was barely beat- 
en out with his risible recounting of Com- 
pany Кз weekend pass, Zinsmeister and the 
Treacherous Ей Мет from Decatur (January). 


STANLEY ROOTH, on insightful blues and 
rock authority, nostalgically revisited Mem- 
phis musician Furry Lewis in his poignant 
memoir, Furry's Blues (April)-and won rec- 
cognition as 1970's best new writer of non- 
fiction, Second place went to Leslie Epstein 
for Cine-Duck (October), a perceptive report 
for and about a generation that has found 
its medium and message in the movies, 


Best Satire 


RICHARD CURTIS, also known as the 
dubious scientific authority Dr. Morton Stul- 
tifer, argued cogently for the nonpreserva- 
tion of an improbable amphibious species, 
The Giant Chicken-Eating Frog (October), 
and grabbed our top honor for satire. A 
black-comedic vision of the ultimate missile 
crisis, Nuke Thy Neighbor (July), by Ralph 
Schoenstein, was runnerup. 


209 


PLAYBOY 


210 


TRANSIT OF EARTH 


There one chapter about а Ger- 
man submarine, found and salvaged after 
the War. Ihe crew was still inside it— 
two men per bunk. And between each 
pair of skeletons, the single respirator set 
they'd been sharing. 

Well, at least that won't happen here. 
But I know, with a deadly certainty, that 
as soon as 1 find it hard to breathe, ТЇЇ 
be back in that doomed U-boat. 

So what about the quicker way? When 
you're exposed to a vacuum, you're uncon- 
scious in wen or fifteen seconds, and 
people who've been through it say it's 
mot painful just peculiar. But trying 
to breathe something that isn't there 
brings me altogether too neatly to night- 
mare number two. 

This time, it's 


personal experience, 
As a kid. I used to do a lot of skindiving 
when my family went to the Caribbean 
for vacations. There was an old freighter 
thar had sunk 20 years before, out on a 
reef with its deck only a couple of yards 
below the surface. Most of the hatches 
were open, so it was easy to get inside to 
look for souvenirs and hunt the big fish 
that like to shelter in such places. 

Of course, it was dangerous—if you 
did it without scuba gear. So what boy 


could resist the challenge? 
My favorite route involved diving into 
a hatch on the foredeck, swimming 


bout 50 feet along a passageway dimly 
lit by portholes a few yards apart. then 
angling up a short flight of stairs and 
emerging through a door in the battered 
superstructure. The whole trip took less 
than a minute—an casy dive for anyone 
in good condition. There was even time 
10 do some sightsecing or to play with a 
few fish along the route. And sometimes, 
for a change, I'd switch directions, going 
in the door and coming ош again 
through the hatch. 

That was the way I did it the last 
time. I hadn't dived for a week—there 
id been a big storm and the sea was 
too rough—so I was impatient to get 
going. 1 deep-breathed on the surface for 
about two minutes, until I felt the tin- 
gling in my finger tips that told me it 
was time to stop. Then I jackknifed and 
slid gently down toward the black rec- 
tangle of the open doorway. 

It always looked ominous and menac- 
ing—that was part of the thrill. And for 
the first few yards, 1 was almost com- 
pletely blind; the contrast between the 
tropical glare above water and the gloom 
betwcen decks was so great that it took 
quite a while for my eyes to adjust. 
Usually, was halfway along the corridor 
before I could sce anything clearly; then 
the illumination would steadily increase. 
T approached the open hatch, where а 
shaft of sunlight would paint a dazzling 
rectangle on the rusty, barnacled metal 
floor. 

Td almost made it when I 


realized 


(continued from page 111) 


that this time, the light wasn't getting 
There was no slanting column of 
ht ahead of me, leading up to the 
world of air and life. I had a second of 
Daed confusion, wondering if ГА lost 
my way. Then I realized what had hap- 
pened—and confusion turned into sheer 
panic. Sometime during the storm, the 


hatch must have slammed shut. It 
weighed at least a quarter of a ton. 
І don’t remember making a U-turn 


the next thing I recall is swimming qu 
slowly back along the passage and telling 
myself: "Don't hurry—your air will last 
longer if you take it easy.” I could see 
very well now, because my eyes had had 
plenty of time to become dark-adapted. 
‘There were lots of d s Pd never no 
ticed before—such as the гей squirrelfish 
in the shadows, the green fronds 
g in the Title patches 
round the portholes and even 
‚le rubber boot, apparently in ex 
cellent condition, hing where someone 
must have kicked it off. And once, out of 
side corridor. I noticed а big grouper 
staring at me with bulbous eyes, its thick 
ips half parted. as if it was astonished 
at my intrusion. 
The band around my chest was getting 
ighter and tighter; it was impos 
hold my breath any longer—yct the stair- 
way still seemed an infinite distance 
ahead, I let some bubbles of ble 
out of my mouth; chat improved matters 
for a moment. but, once I had exhaled, 
the ache in my Iungs became even more 
unendurable. 

Now there was no point in conserving 
strength by Mippering along with t 
steady, unhurried stroke. T snatched the 

ate few cubic inches of air from my 
k—fecling it flaten against my 
nose as I did so—and swallowed them 
down imo my starving lungs. At the same 
time, I shifted gears and drove forward 
with every last atom of strength. 

And that’s all I remember, until I 
found myself spluttering and coughing 
in the daylight, clinging to the broken 
stub of the mast. The water around me 
was stained with blood and I wondered 
why. Then, to my great surprise, I no- 
ed a deep gash in my right calf; I 
must have banged into some sharp ob- 
struction, but Fd never noticed it and 
even now felt no pain. 

That was the end of my skindiving, 
ши I started astronaut training ten 
years later and went into the underwater 
simulator. Then it was different, 
s using scuba gear; but I 
had some nasty moments that 1 was 

fraid the psychologists would notice and 


ing it again 
1 know exactly what it will feel like to. 
breathe the freezing wisp of near vacuum 


that passes for a 
thank you. 

So what's wrong with poison? Noth- 
g: 1 suppose. The stuff we've got takes 
only 15 seconds, they told us. But all my 
instincts are against it, even when the 
no sensible alternative. 

Did Sco have poison with him? 1 
doubt it. And if he did, Um sure he 
never used it. 

I'm not going to replay thi 
it's been of some use, but 1 


mosphere on. Mars. No, 


1 hope 
ге be sure. 


The radio has just printed out a mes 
ge from Earth, reminding me that 
sit starts in two hou if Im 
likely to forget—when four men have 
already died so that 1 can be the first 
human being to see it. And the only one 
for exactly 100 years. It isn’t often that 
Sun, Earth and Mars line up neatly like 
this; the last time was when poor old 
Lowell was still writing his be 
sense about the canals а 
vilization that had built them. Too bad 
it was all delusion. 

I'd better check the telescope and the 
timing equipment. 


The Sun is quiet today—as it should 
be, anyway, near the middle of the cyde. 
Just a few small spots and some minor 
areas of disturbance around them. The 
solar weather is set calm for months to 
come. That's one thing the others won't 
have to worry about on their way home. 

І think that was the worst moment, 
watching Olympus lift off Phobos and 
head back to Earth. Even though we'd 
known for weeks that nothing could be 
done, that was the final closing of the 
door. It was night and we could scc 
everything perfectly. Phobos had come 
leaping up out of the west a few hours 
earlier and was doing its mad backward 
rush across the sky, growing from a tiny 
crescent to a half-moon: before it r 
the zenith, it would disappe 
plunged into the shadow of M 
became eclipsed. 

We'd been listening to the cou 
of course, trying to go about our normal 
work. It wasn't easy ing at last the 
fact that fifteen of us had come to Mars 
and only ten would return. Even then, 1 
suppose there were millions back on Earth 
who still could not understand; they 
must have found it impossible to believe 
that Olympus couldn't descend a mere 
4000 miles 10 pick us up. The Space 
Administration had been bombarded 
with crazy rescue schemes; heaven knows, 
we'd thought of cnough ourselves. But 
when the permafrost under landing pad 
three finally gave way and Pegasus top- 
pled, that was that, It still seems a mira- 
de that the ship didn't blow up when 
the propellant tank ruptured. 

Im wandering again. Back to Phobos 
and the countdown. Оп the telescope 
monitor, we could clearly see the fissured 

(continued on page 272) 


TAIS ONE WILL KILL YOU 


fantasy By BILL COSBY 


the showbiz maxim that you have to give "em everything 
you've got was ай too true by the year 2070 


THIS Is A STORY about young Edwin Duff, 
the world’s most fantastic comedian back 
in the year 2070. 

It was New Year's 
performing one of his most famous one- 
nighters. He was giving a one-man come- 
dy concert at the Utah Civic Auditorium 
Bowl—one of the really good bowls to 
play, because it had these huge machines 
that could mix our own low-grade air 
with oxygen from Mars. There was this 
big rubber hose that sucked the oxygen 
from Mars and brought it here. A few 
ecologists, of course, objected to this 
theft, since it would eventually mean the 
end of the planet Mars. But nobody of 
any importance cared much one way or 
the other. 

Anyway, young Edwin Duff was out 
onstage and he was really cookin’. He'd 
already been performing for six hours 
and the audience just kept roaring and 


Eve and Edwin was 


screaming for more. In fact, the screams 
from the audience almost cracked the 
huge bubble top—made up of helmets 
from World War Nine—that encased 
the bowl. 


Edwin had just broken his previous 
attendance record by 100,000; this partic- 
ular 


audience had reached a total of 
000 people—not bad for Utah on a 
New Year's Eve. In fact, Edwin's cut for 
the one night would be somewhere 
around $3,000,000. 

Unfortunately, he had to pay his agent 
Howie, 79 percent of his take. Howie 
stood in the wings, howling with the rest 
of the crowd at jokes he had heard 100 
times before, while through his mind 
passed the wonderful statistics of Edwin's 
successful one-nighter. But Edwin didn't 
mind paying 73 percent of his take to 
Howie. Alter all, it was Howie who told 
him never to wear a brown suit onstage. 


That advice had 
point in Edwin's illustrious career, 

By now, Duff's pockets bulged with ho 
telroom keys that hordes of 12-year-old 
girls had thrown up to him. When he had 
8000 keys in his suit pockets, Edwin made 
a mental note not to pick up any more. 
because his clothes were beginning to 
drag and droop all over the stage. 

"Well, you can just take your radiator 
and give it to the police department." 
"That was the tag line to Edwin's famous 
radiator story and, as usual, the people 
all stood up and clapped and cheered 
and laughed. A woman threw her baby 
into the ай. A man clutched his heart 
in a paroxysm of ca And 
Howie. in the wings, yelled: “I love it! 
1 love it" 

Edwin, however, was feeling the sweat 
running down his ear lobe, the tension 
settling in (continued on page 224) 


sily been the turning 


arrest. 


hippie life and the vaguer, more general- 
ized revolution of youth against the 
uptight culture began to interest a new 
generation of film makers and dramatists 
—young men and women who had al. 
ready acquired mastery of the techniques 
of camera and stage therefore, 
brought imaginative discipline into the 
quest for ecstasy. Fully realizing that 
their ever grow 
tion under 30, they 
precise articulation to the ambiguous as- 
pirations of the young. They began to 
replace the old-fashioned, leering style of 
bawdy film with elegant masterpieces of 
erotic art. Studying all the new disci- 
plines ol sensitivity training and encoun- 
ter groups (which, by the beginning of 
1969, had spread from California and 
New York to some 40 ce s all over the 
United States and Canada), they distin- 
guished truly spontaneous behavior from 
merely forced imitation of how people 
might be expected to behave when re- 
Tieved of all inhibitions. 

This point needs some expansion. The 
encounter group. as it evolved йз your 
time, was a situation in which the parti 
pints were encouraged to exp! 
genuine feclings about themselves 
one another, barring only phys 
lence. A variation was the encounter 
marathon, in which the group stayed to- 
r for 48 how le 


PLAYROY 


ioi 


exposure of 
oneself to others, But in carly experi- 
ments, it was soon realized. that certain 
people would fake openness and natural- 
ness, often aflecting hostility as the sure 
sign of being genuine. The problem w: 
that, because very few 
knew how they felt 
would act out their 
natural and unrestricted behavior, and 
act merely crudely and lewdly. The en- 
counter group was therefore augmented 
by sensitivity taining, which is the art of 
abandoning all conceptions of how one 
should feel in order to discover how one 
tually docs feelo get down to pure 
ce, free from all prejudices and 
preconceptions of what it is “supposed” to 
be. The focus is simply on what is now. 
This is, of course, extremely disconcert- 
ing to the habitual role player whose 
social intercourse is restricted to a finite 
repertoire of well-rchearsed acts. 
The new generation of film makers 
nd dramatists took the experiences of 
sensitivity training and encounter out 
onto screen and stage, broke down the 
barrier of the proscenium arch. made the 
theater less and less nd more 
and more a participatory experienc 
film, they produced highly sophisti 
versions of the primitive light shows of 
the Sixties, so that audiences became 
totally immersed іп pulsations of sound, 
light and pattern. In the early Eighties, 
gig they uscd geodesic domes to cover the 


people 
urally, 


rei 


ly 
they 
preconceptions of 


FUTURE Of ECSTASY (continued pon page 281) 


audience with the screen and get them to 
dancing with and acal films 
that surrounded the spectator with pat- 
terns of iridescent bubbles, animations of 
Persian mi > and arabesques, vast 
enlargements of diatoms and Radiolaria, 
interior views of intvicately cut jewels 
with landscapes beyond, tapestries of 
ferns, flowers and foliage. gigantic but- 
terfly wings, Tibetan mandalas, visions 
of the world as scen by flies, and fantasies 
of their own which, though anything but 
vague in form or wishy-washy in color, 
l| possible identification. h 
presentations were hypnotic 
and irresistible; even the solidest squares 
became like those Ukrainian peasants of 
the Ninth. Ce y who, on visiting the 
Sophia in Byzantium, 
thought they had arrived in heaven. 

The new theater, above all, had every- 
ng with laughter at the atti- 
tudes and postures of the uptight world 
—so much so that, quite outside the 
theater, it became totally impossible to 
preach, orate, moralize or platitudinize 
adience. One was met 
ion or. even more unsettling 
h smiling eyes that said. "You've got 
to be putting us on.” These develop- 
ments of screen and stage had much to 
do with a subscquent advance in psycho- 
therapy: it became the real foundation of 
n artscience of ecstasy which—not that 
I like the word—we now 5 

Early їп 1972. two psychiatrists—Rose- 
man of Los Angeles and Kotowari of 
"Tokyo, then working at UCLA—came 
up with what we now know as Vibration 
Training. Like most honest psychiatrists 
they felt that their techniques were only 
scratching the surface and that they were 
burdened with obsolete maps, assump- 
tions and procedures based largely on 
the scientific world view of the late 19th 
Century, which looked at the mind in 
terms of Newtonian mechanics. Roseman. 
and Kotowari reasoned that the founda- 
tion of all experience is a complex of 
nterwoyen vibrations of many wave 
lengths, dimensions and qualities. Ав 
white light manifests the seven-hued spec- 
trum, so the total spectrum of vibrations 
has behind it the mysterious E (which 
МС”). In their view, a child emerging 
into the world is the vibration spectrum 
hecoming aware of itself in a particular 
and partial way, since human senses arc 
by no means responsive to all known 
vibrations. (We do not see infrared or 
gamma rays) To the baby, these vibra: 
tions make neither sense nor nonsense. 
They are simply what is Шеге. He has 
no problem about giggling at some or 
crying at others, since no one has yet 
ught him which vibrations are good 
and which are bad. He just goes along 
uncritically with the whole buzz, without 
the slightest notion that it is one thing 
nother, 


Bur as time goes on, his mother and 
father, brothers and sisters teach him 
how to make sense of the show. By 
gestures, attitudes and words, they point 
out what is baby and what is kitty. 
When he throws up or soils his diapers, 
they say, “Ugh!” When he sucks on 1 
bottle or swallows Pablum, they 
"Good baby!" They show delight if he 
smiles, annoyance if he cries and anxiety 
if he runs a fever or bleeds from a cut. 
Іп due course, he has learned all the 
rudiments of their interpretation of what 
the vibrations are doing and has taken 
note of their extreme resistance to inter- 
preting them in any other way. Thus, 
when he asks the name for what is, to 
him, a clearly shaped area of dry 
in a puddle of milk on the t 
say, “Oh, that’s nothing.” They are very 
insistent upon what is worth noticing 
and what isn't, upon wiggles allowed and 
wiggles forbidden, upon good smells and 
bad smells (most are bad). The baby has 
no basis for arguing with terpreta- 
tion of the vibrations and, as he gro 
up, he becomes as fixated on the system 
of interpretation nstructors. 

But have they given him the correct, or 
e only possible, interpretation of the 
system? After all, they got it from their 
parents, and so on down the line, and 
who has seriously bothered to check it? 
We might ask such basic questions as 
whether the past or the future really 
sts, whether it's really all that impor 
tant to go on living, whether voluntary 
and involuntary behavior are genuinely 
about breathing?) or 
4 female behavior, in 
gesture and specch, аге necessarily dis- 
tinct in the ways that we suppose. To 
what extent is the real world simply our 
own projection upon the vibrations? 
You have hin in bed looking somc 
«айца drapes adorned with dauby roses 
and. all at once, a face appears im the 
design. As you go on looking, the area 
surrounding the face begins, il you don't 
force the process, to form a logical pat 
tem; and the longer you look, the more 
the whole scene becomes as clear às a 
photograph, Could we, then, through all 
our senses, be making some collective 
projection upon the vib ssi, 
it on to our children as the sober truth? 

Roseman and Koto) 
their ideas quite that far. Tin point 
was simply that our conceptions of the 
world are much too rigid and our neuro- 
muscular responses to the vibrations es 
tremely inelastic: that, in other words, we 
are exhausting and frustrating ourselves 
with unnecessary defensiveness. They 
constructed an electronic laboratory 
where vibrations of all kinds could be 
simulated, then began to expose them- 
selves and some selected volunteers to 
various forms of low-energy vibi 
that would ordinarily be - They 

(continued on page 239) 


i did not carry 


a psychological 
test that shows 
how your personality 
determines your preferences 
in female anatomy 


PLAYBOY'S 
GIRLWATCHING 
QUIZ 


ALMOST ANY GIRL WATCHER can tell 
you what he li But he can’t al- 
ways tell you why. Sometimes a prefe 
erence for large breasts, lissome legs or 
ample behinds is a matter of aesthetic 
choice. More likely, however, it's a 
result of conditioning. According to. 
some recent studies, these preferences 
are not merely in the eye of the be- 
holder but correlate closely with the 
girl watcher's psychological make-up. 
To psychologists conducting research 
into personality, this is an important 
finding. It sheds new light on the 
mating habits of human beings—a 
subject about which surprisingly little 
is known. It may someday add a new 
dimension to personality testing and 
provide psychologists with another tool 
for assessing the emotional character- 
istics of individuals and cvaluating 
their relationships with others. As test- 
ing techniques are refined, the layman 
can profit directly on a do-it-yourself 
level: What turns a man on physically 
will tell him something about himself 
psychologically. And vice versa. This 
same information will tell a woman 
the kind of man she is most likely to 
attract. 

‘An even more fascinating aspect of 
this research concerns the frequent 
subordination of physical appeal to a 
vague concept of romantic attraction 
often confused with “love.” This some- 
times dangerous distinction between 
the body and the п а hangover 
from the dualistic, rcl i 
notion that physical and spiritual at- 
traction are mutually exclusive, Ору 
ously they are not, and most lasting 


214 


male-female relationships depend оп 
both. Thus, the man who gallantly 
persuades himself that he would be 
happy with a woman even though she 
lacks the physical qualities to which 
he has been conditioned to respond 
may one day find himself torn between 
a deep emotional commitment and 
sexual disinterest or dissatisfaction. 
Such a conflict can lead to serious in- 
terpersonal problems in the long run. 

Somatic research is not new. Years 
ago, psychologist William Sheldon clas- 
sified fat, athletic and skinny people 
as endomorphie, mesomorphic and ec- 
tomorphic, and tried to relate these 
physical types to personality traits. 
Since then, other researchers have re- 
fined and elaborated on the Sheldon 
system, but still with a view to study- 


ing the individual in relation to 


his own body. The somatic research 
pertaining to sex appeal, however, at- 
tempts to correlate an individual’s per- 
sonality not with his own body type 
but with his somatic preference for dif- 
ferent parts of the female figure. In 
other words, it’s not whether a man 
himself is skinny, fat or robust as a 
football player, but whether he con- 
centrates on a woman's legs, breasts or 
buttocks. It’s the woman’s size in these 
three areas and her over-all propor- 
tions that count. 

Somatic preference is a subject that 
psychologists have only begun to ex- 
plore. Although pioneer work has been 
done by personality psychologists, no 
surveys have been carried out on а 


large enough scale to permit definitive 
classification of all American males. 
Thus the test presented here is more 


hypothetical than conclusive. Its pur- 
pose is to permit the reader to corre- 
late his personality traits, as projected 
in the following quiz, with his figure 
preferences. The anal at the end 
of the test compares the reader's corre- 
lations with those of research subject 


who have already been sampled. 

The 37 questions that follow will 
help you measure your key personality 
qualities. Check the answer in cach 
one that scems most descriptive of y 
П none of the three choices provides a 
response that you feel really comfort- 
able with, then check the one that 
seems closest. After you've completed 
the questions, turn to page 218 and 
tote up your score as instructed. You'll 
then find additional instructions about 
the body-preference part of this quiz, 
followed by a do-it-yourself analysis. 


м. 


1. You enjoy yourself most at a party 
where you сап: 
j. Meet some new females. 
К. Engage in lively arguments. 
b. Know in advance who else is coming 
and what activities are planned. 


2. You have similar job offers from three 
companies. You select the one in which: 
4. The hours are flexible. 

h. The work contributes most to the 
public good. 
c. The people seem most 


етеу. 


ad- 


3. In pursuing a carcer, you can be: 
vance yourself by: 


a. Cultivating your special skills and 


ing harder than the average 
person is willing or able to 


b. Careful planning and efficient work 
habits. 


4. In social conversation, you are most 
likely to talk about: 
с. An interesting experience. 


j. Women. 


a. Some topic in which you are espe- 


cially knowledgeable. 


5. You would rather read: 


e. A letter from a friend. 
f. A book on psychology. 
h. An essay on social problems. 


6, You prefer to work: 


As long as necessary to get a job 

done. 

b. Nine to five in a well-organized of- 
fice with an efficient staff. 

c. In the company of convivial, сазу- 

going people. 


7. You feel most capable of helping 
people when: 


a. Their problems fall within 
of expertise 

h. They will benefit from understand- 

ing and encouragement 

‘They are complete strangers. 


your area 


8. Аға party, you might strike up a con- 
versation with a particular young lady 
because she: 

j. Looks good and seems willing. 
В. Seems shy and would probably en- 

y the attention. 


Joy 
с. Seems interested in what you are 
and what you do. 


9. In most job situations, vou would like 
your colleagues to: 
b. Be systematic and reliable. 
d. Respect your independence and un- 
conventional methods 
є. Be friendly and cooperative. 


10. Ata reception attended by а number 

of prominent people, you: 

g- Try to enjoy yourself without being 
100 Conspicuous. 

c. Seck out those who will listen as well 
as talk. 

k. Challenge the views of some highly 
opinionated person. 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY WARREN LINN 


PLAYBOY 


216 


11. If you ever ran for public office, your 
most valuable political quality would 
be: 

а. Specialized knowledge and abilities. 

c. A capacity for leadership and voter. 

appeal. 


i. Perseverance and dedication to duty. 


12. You cither are or would like to be 


especially skilled аз: 
j. A lover. 
c. An acto 


k. A debater, 


You would most like friends to think 
of you as: 
с. Loyal and reliable. 
f. Perceptive and analytical. 
h. Kind and generous. 


14. When you encounter an argumenta 


tive person, you find it easy to: 


g- Tactfully avoid a confrontation. 
Г. Seek the reasons for his belligerence. 
k. Argue back. 


If you were stopped and berated for a 
minor and rather technical traffic vio- 
lation, you would probably: 


ake and hope for 


g- Concede your mi 
the best. 


а 


Resent the officer's authoritarian 


dge the policeman’ 
and mentality and respond accord- 
ingly 


16. You meet a fellow employee who has 
been blaming vou for a mistake Ле 
made. You would: 

k. Express your anger in a straight- 
forward manner and tell him to ad- 
mit his own responsibility. 

Г. Put yourself in his place and try to 
reason with him. 

c. Approach him tactfully in a way 
that would not jeopardize an other- 
wise good relationship. 


17. You have inadvertently hurt your 
girlfriend's feelings. The best way to 
smooth things over is to: 


g Admit your mistake and apolo 
c. Turn on the charm. 
j. Resolve the n in bed. 


аа! 


18. You discover that a serious error has 

been made in some work that you su- 

pervised. You first: 

g Report the mistake and take full 
responsibility. 

k Call in and lecture the person who 
made the error. 

f. Figure out how the mis 
aged to slip past you. 


ake man- 


19. You meet an attractive girl and want 
npress her favorably, You try to 


project yourself as: 


gu. 


252 


26. 


28. 


а. An accomplished and successful 
person. 

j. Socially active and sexually talented. 

d. Unconventional, independent and 
straightforward. 


lf vou could choose ai 
would most like to be: 


y career, you 


b. A corporate planner or effici 
expert. 

h. A physician or social work 

4. A novelist or business owner. 


If you were at a party where one of the 
guests was becoming particularly drunk 
and belligerent, vou would probably: 


g. Rely on the host to handle the prob- 
lem his own wav. 

к. Tell the drunk, one way or another, 
to cool it. 

c. Inject some humor into the situation 
with a distracting story. 


You usually cat dinne: 


b. At the same time every day. 

i. When you've finished what you've 
been working on. 

е. When you're able to jc 


n others. 


If you ever were to write a book, you 
would prefer it to be: 

a. Scholarh 
c. Autobiographical. 
h. Inspirational. 


. You're going to build a stereo ampli- 


fier. You'll get the most pleasure from: 
а. Seting the finished job. 

b. Planning the project. 

i. Doing the work itself. 


You have a friend who has lost his job 

and is feeling low. Your reaction prob- 

ably would be to: 

е. Get a bunch of friends together at 
your place to try to cheer him up. 

h. Sit down in private with him and 
lend a sympathetic ear, 

i. Encourage him to quickly learn a 
new profession so that he can find 
another job. 


You would rather bez 


a. A professional success, 
h. A good Samari 
к. A skilled soldier. 


n. 


You are told by your employer that 
your work does not conform to his ex- 
pectations. Your first impulse is to: 


d. Question his narrow judgment, 
g. Ask for his suggestions. 
. Get back to work on the project. 


You would be most impressed Бу a girl 
who, upon first meeting you 


c. Seemed friendly and sincere, 
j. Looked sexy. 
с. Complimented you. 


29. 


35, 


8 


ah 


. During a di 


. In most 


In discussing poverty in America, you 

might argue the need for: 

b. More careful and intelligent alloc 
tion of funds. 

i, More determination on the part of 
public officials. 

Һ. A more generous publi 
ward the underprivileged. 


ttitude to- 


ussion at a party, some- 
опе calls you а horses ass, Your 
action is to: 


к, Call him а double horse's ass and 
wait for his next step. 

g. Try to cool the situation, on the 
assumption that you may have done 
something to provoke his ire. 

f. Find out why he felt it necessary to 
insult you. 


. “If at first you don’t succeed”: 


i. Try, try again. 
6: Fecl depressed and give up. 
Г. Analyze the problem. 


You would be most likely to meet your 
next girlfriend at: 

j. A singles bar. 

4. А pot party 
К. A sporting event. 


Ifyou have one quality that makes you 
most attractive to women, it is that 


а. A man with a good deal of talent 
and career potential 
с. A handsome and outgoing guy. 


Affectionate and sexually uninhib- 
ited. 


mes or sports, you try to: 

Һ. Plan your moves far in advance 

i. Play pai ES 
for your opponent to make mistakes. 

£. Outpsych your opponent. 


atly and steadily, wait 


In selecting your wardrobe, you tend 

toward: 

b. Simple, unpretentious and practical 
clothing. 

4. Whatever strikes your fancy, 

c. Clothes that pl 


your girlfriend. 


You would rather spend a Sunday 
afternoon: 


Working on some project that ex- 

cites you. 

d. Driving someplace you've never 
been before. 

j. Watching a good erotic movie, 


Your attitude toward social or political 
eccentrics is: 
d. Live and let live. 
£ Curiosity 
қ. Apprehension. 
(continued on page 218) 


"I don’t care if it is from your analyst! ‘Merry Christmas 
and a Happy Sex Life’ is a bit much!" 


PLAYBOY 


218 


Scoring: After you've completed all 87 
questions in the previous section, count 
up how many of cach letter you checked 
and write the totals in the boxes below. 


some, low in others—indicates what rel- 
е weight that quality has for you. 
Our descriptions are oversimplified for 
the sake of brevity, but essentially these 
traits 


АВС 


examine all cight of the drawings. In 
the boxes below, write the numbers of the 
figures that have, in terms of size, the 
most appealing breasts, buttocks and legs 
(Concentrate on the individual body part 
and try to disregard the figure as a whole.) 


Fl 


FH 
RUTTOCKS s 


Now sclect the single entire figure that 
you find most appealing; but do this from 
among figures 4 through 8, which rep- 
resent five distinct categories of body 
build. Write your choice in the box 
belo 


BREASTS: 


FIGURE 


Г] 


Having completed the personality test 
and indicated a preference for female 
body parts and for an entire figure, you're 
now ready to evaluate the results, 

‘The letters you've tallied above refer 
to particular aspects of your personalit 
Your score in each category—high i 


“You can gel dr 


A—Achievement, success 
B—Orderliness, predictabi 
C—Drawing attention to oneself. 
D- Independence, nonconform 
E— Loyalty, friendliness. 
F—Analysis. introspection. 
G—Timidity, inferiority. 
H-—Sympathyy, generosity. altruism. 
I—Endurance, perseverance. 
JSexuality. 
K—Aggressiveness, anger. 
L—Nothing. This dummy lette: 
cluded for arithmetical purposes re- 
lated to the scoring. 
Now you're ready to correlate these per- 
ity traits with your 
preferences beginning with: 
prensts: Whether youre a fal 
breast man or never look above the м 
you prob 
icular size of breast. This choice is 
terms of your personality. 
In the following sections, you can see 
how your body preferences and personal- 
y correlations compare with а statistically 
analyzed sample of other men who have 
taken this test. 

Figures 1, 4, 6 and 8 
thanawerage breasts. Men who prefer 
this type of breast generally have high С, 
D and J scores together with low H and I 
scores. Such men tend to be independent, 
exhibitionistic, self-centered, good-na- 
tured and highly sexed. They like their 


y 


lustrate Janger- 


sed now . . . the doctor has seen you.” 


sex so much. in fact. that it doesn't al- 
atter whether it's real or vicarious. 
they're not courting ladies or en- 
g in some type of sexual acti 
they enjoy talking about it, т 
about it or joking about it. They are 
basically antiauthorita unconven- 
ional and a little irresponsible. 

On the other hand, men who prefe 
average to small breasts (figures 2, 3, 
and 7) usually have high H and low A 
scores. They tend to be undcrachievers, 
or at least they do not place great im- 
portance om success, and are generally 
noncompetitive. They seem more suscep- 
tible to depression tham the average 
male, and rate high in what psychologists 
call “nurturance”: а sense of sympathy 
and understanding, a willingness to help 
friends and act charitably toward persons 
less fortunate than themselves. They tend 
to be generous, affectionne and forgiving. 

murrocks: Even in the absence of 
any scientific data, it seems clear that the 
ass man is more of a doer than a dreamer: 
he probably subscribes to the principle 
that form should follow function. How- 
ever, there seems to be considerable male 
personality variation according to the 
е or prominence of a woman's behind 


that a man finds most appealing. 
Large buttocks (figures 2 and 3) corre- 


late with high B and G scores and low 
D and E scores. The bigbutt man tends 
to be more orderly and dependent and 
less secure emotionally than the ave 
male. He probably contemplates 
beforehand, formulates some kind of 
work plan, gets himsell organized and 
then proceeds methodically to its comple- 
tion (knocking olf for meals at regularly 
appointed hours). When something goes 
himself тае 
others, and he would rather antic 
Kl avoid a problem than confront 
d on. In an argument, he's often а 
ver, for the si 


wrong, he tends to blam 
than 


himself, In his personal relations with 
others, he takes people at face value with- 
nalyzing their actions or s. He 
predictability and tends to form 
dependent relationships. One might specu- 
late that he likes a Rubensian woman be- 
ње she represents something solid that 
he can really get a grip on. 
Men who like average то small but- 
tocks (figures 1, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8) usually 


have a high I score and low € and б 
scores. These men exhibit personality 
traits that not only distinguish them from 


bDigass men but make them quite dif- 
nt fiom males who like big breasts. 
H-butt man usually lacks thos 
ionistic qualities that would make 
source of amusement to others or 
the life of the party. At the same time, he 
is relatively self-confident, willing to stand 
up for himself in an argument and able 
to conduct himself naturally in the pres 
ence of superiors. He has enough deter- 
mination and endurance to see him 


Pigskin? 

Or calfs hide? 

One thing for sure... 
for them it wont Бе an 
imitation. 

Their cigarette? Viceroy. 
They wont settle for less. 
lts a matter of taste. 


Viceroy gives you all the taste, all the time. 


PLAYBOY 


“While уоште at it, would you turn my Teddy bear on, loo?” 


220 


through problems that would discourage 
many others, and he can usually be relied 
upon to finish what he starts. He can 
work by himself without close supervision 
and his morale is high enough so that he 
needs little outside encouragement or 
personal flattery. 

тс: Like breast men or butt men, 
the man who is most turned on by legs 
doesn’t totally ignore other female tea- 
he merely imposes a more dis- 
nge of acceptability on the 


s represented in figures 2, 


and С 


Large legs, 
6 and 7, correlate with high F 
cone and a low K score. One thing this 


ree of insecurity— 
ing spectacular, just a tendency to 
be shy. to see one's own faults most clearly, 
to choose flight rather than fight. Also 
indicated is a willingness to accept blame 
rather than project it to others, and to 
admit an error rather than conceal it. 
€ the big-butt man, who shares the 
above tendencies, the typical big-leg man 
is especially perceptive. observant and 
analytical, which may partly explain why 
he is also unaggressive; he would evaluate 
ion before reacting to it, put him- 
another person's place and respond 
vigorously only when he felt particularly 
self-assured. 

all to average legs (figures 1, 3, 4, 
5 and 8), which correlate with high C. E 
and H scores and a low D score, appeal 
то men who exhibit tendencies toward. 
both extroversion and generosity. Indeed, 
the smalkleg man combines the best 
qualities of the big-breast man. and the 
small-breast man: a genial, outgoing, un- 
inhibited personality plus a healthy ca 
ity to love, sympathize with and help other 
people. At the same time, he is rather 
conventional in his behavior and attitudes. 
—a person who feels little need to either 
assert his independence or to defy author- 
ity, He shares willingly and. forms close 
attachments, even dependent relation- 
ships and generally prefers to be with 
friends rather than alone. In short, he's 
a generous, loving, kindhearted show-off 
with a sense of responsibility. 

Since few of us judge a woman's figure 
оп the basis of only one feature, the 
psychologists who have worked in this 
area have also correlated person: 
with overall figure preference. You've 
already examined figures 4 through 8 
and selected the one that appealed most 
to you. If you're average, you should dis- 
cover that the size of breasts. buttocks and 
legs, considered independently, is reflect- 
ed in your overall figure preference and 
that the personality traits suggested by 
overall figure preference corroborate, or 
at least Чо not contradict, those already 
indicated. 

FIGURE 4. The man who likes full 
breasts. moderate buttocks and moderate 
to “leggy” legs tends to be gregarious and 
extroverted, even a show-off, with a 1. y 


sense of humor and considerable self- 
confidence. He probably smokes (both 
tobacco and pot), drinks and has strong 
masculine interests, especially with regard 
to women. He is not afflicted with guilt 
feelings, lacks orderly work habits and has 
the attention span of a canary. Di- 
onysian qualities make him something of 
a swinger, and he tends to be noncon- 
forming, independent, 
authoritarian and spontaneous. He's a 
fun-loving fellow who makes a good 
friend, but you might not want your 
sister to marry him. 

FIGURE 5, This group, preferring the 
moderate to small woman with moderate 
breasts, small buttocks and moderate legs, 
is remarkably free of minor vices and 
tends to avoid excesses of any kind. while 
exhibiting a high degree of altruism and 
generosity. As a rule, these men are 
neither drug users nor carousers and seem 
to shy away from carcers that require 
much personal ambition or competitive 
skills. 

FIGURE 6. Big breasts, moderate but- 
tocks. sturdy legs: а zaltig girl who, 
judging from the men she attracts, rep- 


resents security and plenty—something 
a man 


can fall back on. Many of the 
ics associated with this figure 
re, alas, maladaptive traits: a 
dency to feel inferior, to lack both 
perseverance and the orderly work habits 
that are usually requisite to the traditional 
forms of success. This lady should hope 
that her boyfriend is either extremely 


creative or comes from a wealthy family 
FIGURE 7. This somewhat ungainly 
combination—moderate breasts. small 


buttocks and hi 
relate with mud the way 
of personality traits. The only discernible 
characteristic is what psychologists call а 
low alfliation quotient, which suggests 
that the man is something of a loner 
with no strong inclinations to either so- 
© or participate in group endeavors 
FIGURE в, This appears to be the femi 
ine form that has the greatest appeal 10 
the greatest number of men, who scem to 
prefer women with ample breasts, moder- 
ate to small buttocks and moderate legs 
Those who sclected this figure were found 
to be, on the whole, well adjusted, well 
organized, generous and helpful individ- 
uals who cultivate good habits and get 
along well with people. They are dose 
to their friends, make new friends casily, 
share their good fortune willingly and 
prefer companionship to isolation. 

To reexamine your figure preferences 
and interpret them in a slightly different 
, take another look at only three of 
the drawings—figures 5, 6 and 8—and 
pick the one you find most attractive. 


теме [7] 


If you picked figure 6, which is rela- 
tively large. you should have a fairly high 


A score, indicating that you place a good 
deal of importance on career, capabilit 
personal skills and success. You probably 
take pride in your specialized knowledge 
and abilities and rather enjoy any job 
that seems especially meaningful or chal- 
lenging. 

If you picked figure В, it means you'd 
rather spend your time chasing а girl 
than putting in a good days work. This 
moderate-to-ample figure correlates with 
high J and low B scores, indicating strong 
heterosexual interests, plus а cavalier 
attitude toward work habits and order 
lines. The only prior planning you do 
involves seduction. 

If you picked figure 5, a small girl, 
you're probably methodical and tenacious 
in your work habits (high 1 score), the sort 
of person who tackles one job at a time 
and patiently keeps at it until he’s fin- 
ished. In addition, you most likely get 
along well with your supcriors, have no 
quarrel with authority figures and sup- 
port your local police. 


"This quiz afforded an opportunity to 
measure some of your personality waits 
and then compare them with those ex- 
hibited by research subjects with the same 
somatic preferences. If you found no 
imilaritics at all between yourself and 
research subjects with the same 


the 
tastes, it means you either don't know 


yourself as well 
ways a discrep: 


s you think (there's 
Асу between measured 
and self-image) or 
g predictably to the 
tight drawings. On the other hand, if 
any of the personality descriptions fit you 
perfectly. then you probably cheated. 
Quizzes simply aren't that accurate а 
means of measuring all the variables and 
subtleties of an idual's emotional 
make-up. The correlations between figure 
preferences and personality traits need 
not be perfect to be meaningful: in most 
cases, they only indicate tendencies in one 
rection or another. (For instance, an 
indication that you are disorganized and 
disorderly does not necessarily mean that 
you forget to shave or that you litter your 
apartment with dirty clothes: it's simply 
һ on your list 


personality tr 
you're not respond 


that orderliness isn’t h 


of priorities.) 

Obviously, this quiz tells you very Іше 
about your over-all preference in wome 
Jt intentionally ignores such complex 
factors as facial type, personality, intel 
gence, manner, clothes, education, at 
tudes and so forth, It attempts only to 
help you categorize yourself in general 
terms according to your automatic rc- 
sponses to various body shapes. As a final 
word, we suggest that you forgo the 
temptation to antagonize your acquaint- 
ances by using this insight to analyze 
them according to the shapes of their 
girlfriends and wives. If you decide to do 
so anyway. keep your findings to yourself. 


221 


SHUGGIE OTIS ¿he son also rises 


1E'S BEEN PLAYING the guitar professionally since he painted 
on a mustache to look older and sat in with his father’s band 
five years ago. Today, at 17, Shuggie Otis is considered one 
of the best blues rock guitarists in the country. Johnny Otis— 
a renowned jazz musician in his own right—raised his Los 
Angeles-born son on rhythm and blues; by adolescence, 
Shuggic was proficient with several instruments, making his 
first paid appcarance—on bass—at 12 at the Juzzville Club 
in San Diego. A year later, he began doing recording sessions 
on gui piano and harmonica. Shuggie 
ed national recognition at the end of 1968 when his 
work on Johnny's album Cold Shot stirred some reviewers to re- 
mark on the maturity of his performance. Al Kooper—ercator 
of Blood, Sweat & Tears—was so impressed with Shuggie" 


ar, bass, drums, orga 


s 
valent that he flew him to Now York to cut an album with 
him. The record. Kooper Session, prompted critic Leonard 
Feather of the Los Angeles Times to comment: “Shuggie tells 
it like it was decades before he was born and runs off with 
the honors.” Signing a contract with Epic Records, the young 
virtuoso forthwith waxed Here Gomes Shuggie Otis, with an 
assist from his father—who handled all the producing and 
arranging, played all the keyboard and percussion insuu- 
ments, and shared the composition credits But isn’t 
going to have a heavy hand in his son's future recordings: He 
fecls that Shuggie is more than capable of handling himself 
after studying composition, scoring and arranging under a 
private tutor and developing a new kind of pop he calls 
"symphonic and blues rock.” Shuggie is quiet and withdrawn 
about his achievements and his future, but Johnny proudly 
declares, "I'm letting have his head. It has to be 
the way he wants to go. His is the music of the future.” 


JACK NICHOLSON star trekking 


ALTHOUGH Easy Rider made superstars of Peter Fonda and 
Dennis Hopper, perhaps the film's most memorable perform 
ance was ішпей in by Jack Nicholson, who won the New 
York Film Critics prize—and an Academy Award nomi 
—as 1969's best supporting actor. Playing George Hanson, 
a Southern souse of an attorney who switches from potlikker 
to pot, Nicholson bridged America’s generation gap—a role 
not inappropriate to his own life: At 33. he's a blend of the 
old and the new Hollywood. Born in Neptune, New Jersey, 
Nicholson went to Los Angeles at 17 in search of an acting 
career. His first job w: MGM's cartoon department, but 

g in a succession of low-budget “pro- 


gramers" such as Psych-Out, The Shooting, The Gry Baby Killer 
and The Little Shop of Horrors, a movie completed in exactly 
two days. "It was about a guy who crosses а Уепиз"Пупар with 
some gigantic plant," says Nicholson. “He winds up feeding 
it people.” Nicholson's film fortunes rose rapidly after he 
scripied The Trip and then wrote and coproduced Head, 
starring The Monkees, “I loved it—the best rock^n'aoll movie 
ever made," he says. When Rip Torn decided against the role 
of George Hanson, Jack suddenly found himself in Easy 
Rider. "Not because Dennis Hopper especially wanted me 
but because I just happened to be there when Torn walked 
out.” Since then, Nicholson has worked at fever pitch: act- 
ing in On a Clear Day and Five Easy Pieces, directing his 
screenplay of Drive, He Said (about an alienated college 
basketball player) and, last fall, starring in the Mike Nichols 
directed satire Carnal Knowledge. “Гус overscheduled my- 
self,” he says, “because I remember the days when I had 
to work in those horror movies just to eat.” But the lean 
days are probably gone forever: Now that he's a sought- 
after star, producers are olfering Nicholson bundles of jack. 


JOSEPH RHODES, JR. commissioner cum laude 


UNTIL HE JOINED the front lines of Government investigative 
ranks, most explanations for campus dissidence seemed to be 
suggested by those farthest from the chaotic quadrangles. But 
23-year-old Joseph Rhodes, Jr., the only student and youngest 
appointee on the Presidential Commission on Campus Unrest, 
vowed to uncover the truth about student revolt—“even if it 
hurts the Administration.” Born in Pittsburgh, the son of а 
steelworker, Rhodes, who is now a junior fellow at Harvard, 
has drawn censure from both educational and Government 
circles for his controversial statements. Most notably, he in- 
curred the wrath—and a demand for his resignation—from the 
Vice-President by suggesting after his June 1970 appointment 
that deaths on campuses could be linked to White House crit- 
icism of students. The former Caltech scholar and two-term 
student-body president caused further furor with another 
tough statement in October after the release of the com- 
mission's report. Although he made no direct indictments, 
Rhodes charged that “the campus issue has been exploited 
by political figures who would rather keep the public's at- 
tention on the students than on the problems that actually 
plague our nation." Such candor has been a thom as well as 
an embarrassment to the Administration that, іп 1968, award- 
ed Rhodes $68,000 from the Health, Education and Wellare 
Department for a 70-student research project on pollution: he 
was subsequently named to direct а $95,000 social-problems 
study project funded by the Ford Foundation. With the release 
of the commission's report—and of his scathing comments on 
itis uncertain whether the contentious Rhodes will be en- 
couraged to continue in any Governmental capacity. One thing, 
however, seems sure about his future: He won't compromise 
his convictions for selfadvancemeni—in politics or educati 


> THIS ONE WILL KILLYOU (continued рот page 211) 


PLAYBO 


his litle toe, which meant that he was 
beginning to tire. So he decided to do his 
dosing number, a routine that could 
make an audience stand and cheer and 
clap for 462 hours straight. 

He decided to do his imitation of 
Walter Brennan, 

Walter Brennan! He dared not an- 
nounce it, because if he did, the au 
ence would probably pass out. Even 
though he'd been performing brilliantly 
for almost seven hours, he knew what 
they were waiting for: Walter Bren- 
nan. And since he was really getting 
tired—the sweat now dripping from 
both ear lobes, both little toes quivering 
in his socks—he knew it was time for 
W.B. As he stepped back to begin, a 
room key hit him in the middle of his 
forehead and fell to the stage; he quickly 
picked it up and stuffed it into his 
suit pocket and smiled, because after the 


show, he was going to visit each and 
every one of those rooms. He was going 
to hold and touch and tremble to the 
feel of every one of those 12yearold 
bald-headed girls. (Hair, as we all know, 
had completely disappeared from the hu- 
man body at ten a.m. on April 4, 2011, 
due to high mercury content in our 
drinking water) 

Edwin Duff began to remember when 
he first started in show business, Even 
then, the little girls would throw their 
keys onstage. How innocent he had been. 
“They Jove me. They really love me,” 
he'd thought. He remembered that first 
room and looking at that beautifully 
shaped bald head with its accompanying 
Mona Lisa smile. He remembered how 
he'd approached her, how he'd wanted 
to hug her and hold her—only to hear 
the girl say, even as she embraced hr 
dwin, just for me, just for me. Will 


"It's all right with me if women stop 
wearing bras—but if they stop manufacturing 
them, what about us transvestites?” 


you do Walter Brennan in my ear" 
Edwin hadn't minded the first 200,000 
times he had done that number with 
cach new 12-year-old, but after that, he 
grew weary of it. The audience, mean- 
while, had become a great expectant 
hunk of humanity, and Edwin was ready 
to begin his routine: Walter Brennan 
giving the sixo'clock news. 

"This was the best bit in his act. Edwin 
adjusted the microphone inside his neck 
that had been installed there by a plastic 
surgeon, making Edwin unique among 
entertainers. Of course, politicians had 
long ago discovered the advantages of a 
publicaddress system installed right in- 
side the mouth. But Edwin’s system was 
shaped like a heart and when the house 
lights dimmed, he could trigger a special 
device that made heartshaped red, or- 
ange and yellow flashes come darting out 
of his neck. 

Sometimes Edwin would run old pho- 
tographs across his faco—fantastic, sub- 
liminal cuts (frankly sentimental) —of 
old women and little boys and dogs and 
working people. But not now. Now was 
Walter Brennan tine. 

He was all set, He looked out at the 
people and, as the sweat dripped from his 
lobes to his shoulders, the lights 
dimmed and Edwin's neck He 
cleared his throat and began his imita- 
tion of Walter Brennan giving the six- 
o'clock news. 

Nothing, of course, could follow that, 
and when he was finished and had left 
his audience tor dead, Edwin began the 
half-mile walk back to his dressing room, 
the 8001 hotel-room keys still bulging i 
his pockets. 

"Beautiful, baby,” said Howie, who 
cluiched briefly at Edwin's warm knee 
before walking olf to the box office to 
check the night's take. 

Once inside his dressing room, Edwin 
sat down and wiped the perspiration 
from his head. There was a knock on the 
door and before he could get up to 
answer it, an old woman entered. with 
her husband. Edwin smiled at her, con- 
‚ “Hello,” he sa 
an seemed slightly upset. 
she said, “I sent you a note 
twenty years ago and you've never an- 
swered it, Why?” 

“Well, I’ve beer: so busy I just haven't 
gotten around to it,” Edwin answered. 

But the old woman was not sat 
“That's not a good reason, Edwi 
snapped. "Why couldn't you have an- 
swered my note?” 

As Duff explained about his heavy 
schedule, the old woman suddenly pulled 


ear 


out a knife and stabbed him through th 
heart. Edwin, a little embarrassed and in 
pain, just stood there, а small smile on 
his face, trying to show them how weary 
he was, hoping the woman and her hus- 
band would allow him to rest maybe 
later he'd be able to give them more 
time and a better explanation. Perhaps 
he'd take them out to dinner. Ic was the 
least he could do. 

Edwin wondered how he could make 
love and whisper his Walter Brennan to 
8001 girls with a knife in his heart. 
Perhaps if he tried it without taking his 
clothes о... 

Ме Duff,” said a young man who 
just wandered the dressing 
“would you teach me all about 
t- 


had 
room, 
comedy? I think you're one of the рте; 
est comedians in the world.” 
“Thanks,” said Edwin, trickles of blood 
running down his shirt He tried not to 
look tired. “First of all, the important 


thing in comedy is you have to think 
funny." 
"But there are mo dubs anymore. 


1. It's so 
man. 


There are no places to be 
hard to get started.” said the you 
“It’s not easy,” said Edwin. 

“Now, listen to this routine. Let me 
know if you think it's funny. I call it my 
car routine.” 
vly, the dressing room began to fill. 
a young boy selling Voice of 
the People newspapers. Edwin fished out 
a $5000 bill and bought a copy 

"There was a politician from Utah who 
slapped Edwin on the chest, driving the 
knife deeper into his heart. 

"It's so nice of you to take the time to 
come back and see me," said Edwin. 

There was a guided tour of little boys 
1s who wanted autographed pie 
tures. “Thank you so much for taking 
the time out to come by,” said Edwin. 

There was a 12-yearold bald-headed 
girl who carried a straight razor in her 
hand and she immediately cut off both 


of Edw Iter which she smiled 
sweetly , Edwin, do you 
remembe 


Edwin looked at her slightly puzzled 
—whereupon she stabbed him right in 
the throat. With the knife in his chest 


and the straight razor sticking in his 
throat and both ears cut off, Edwin 
smiled that smile that says, “It's so nice 


of you to take the time to come back and 
He was now down on his hands 
aces, smiling and uying very hard 
not to die. Edwin Duff shook hands with 
bald-headed young girl and said, 
es, E remember you no 
“I you remember me, 
“then what's my name?” 
win Duff searched his memory and 


see me. 


id the girl, 


then sadly shook his head. “1 can't recall 
it right at the moment,” he said, "but I 
really do remember you.” 

The 12-year-old girl was bitterly disap 
pointed. “I'd hoped you'd remember my 
name, because it was ten years ago to- 
night that you did Walter Brennan 
my car. Come on, now, try to remem- 
ber” 

Edwin gave it his best effort, but try as 
he might, the only thing he could think 
of was how tired he was becoming, what 
with his loss of blood and all. "I can't 
recall it,” he finally said. 

“Oh, well,” she shot back as she got 
dy to leave, "I guess you meet so 


Edwin sprawled out on the floor. Barely 
conscious now, he saw, standing above 
him, the old woman and her husband, 
the comic, the boy selling newspapers, 
the 12-year-old bald-headed girl, the poli 
can from Utah, the guided tour of 


Arnold, your scallops are getting cold.” 


tle children and his agent, Howie. 
"That's funny,” said the comic. 
Why didn't you take a y 
saiption?" said the boy selling news- 
papers. 

"Can you drive me home?” said the 
bald-headed girl 

"Do you know a J 
in Miami? He хауз he knows 
the husband. 

Could you write With love to 

x 


78 sub- 


bar 

Beautiful, baby gent. 

“Don't forget. Next time you're in 
Ogden, look me up," said the politician 
from Utah. 

“Edwin Duff,” said the old woman, 
bending over him, "why didn't you an- 
swer the note 1 sent you twenty years 
ago? 

Those 
heard. 


were the last words he ever 


225 


PLAYBOY 


226 


TAKE IT WITH YOU (continued from page 170) 


much as a motorist would forget about а 
highway sign that reads, WATCH кок 
Derr, When do you ever see one? Well, 
we were sitting on the terrace one alter- 
noon, looking at the sea, when two giant 
creatures suddenly rose from the water 
and crashed together, belly to belly. The 
whales really were mating. The whale 
humping continued for several days. We 
went crazy looking at this wild sex. 

The Maui Hilton is located оп Kaana- 
pali Beach, a long stretch of white sand 
that’s great for morning walks. If you 
enjoy golf, you head for the course, not 
far from the hotel, and you suggest to 
your girl that she take а nice stroll, for 
maybe three homs, along the 
famous for its seashells. Buy he 
If she is a good girl and only а minim: 
pain in the ass. she will keep busy unti 
noon, by whidi time you will have 
finished 18 holes. 

Afternoons at the Maui Hilton are 
lazy. You surf, sit by the pool, take a drive 
along the verdant shore and maybe drop 
in at one of the salty bars in I 
Caramaraning is a pleasant form of enter 
tainment, especially when whales are 
habiting the channel. The ones we saw 
humping from our terrace had 10 measure 
upward of 46 feet—our catamaran was 
[ect long and the м 


were longer. 1 felt like asking one when 


the next orgy would begin, but | w 
ат 


id it might ask to watch me and 
4 there was по way 1 could follow that 


e 


ings at the Hilton are particula 
. mainly because the manager, 
à gourmet who has an 
outstanding German chef willing to cook 
al dishes for Randall's friends, Spe- 
cial dishes for me are beef stew and meat 
loaf and maybe a leg of lamb. Basic [are 
such as this can be delighiful when pre- 
pared by a firs-dlass chef. I realize, of 
course, that by ordering meat loaf in 
stead of mahimahi, I was hardly impress- 
ing the lady I was with; I may even have 
been a pain in the ass myself, but a guy 
is entitled to some things in Ше 

In my judgment, the food at the M 
Hilton is exceeded only by that of anoth- 
er of my favorite retreats, the Queen 
Elizabeth Hotel in Montreal. One of the 
dining rooms there is called the Beaver 
Club (the cuisine is French-Canadian). 1 
have found nothing better. 

Now, you may ask, why in the hell is 
this guy picking the Queen Elizabeth in 
downtown Montreal as a romantic hide- 
away, considering all the exotic places 
ailable on earth? After all, he may as 
well pick beautiful downtown Burbank. 


“Another reason I can’t marry you is 
because you're a fish.” 


Ar the Queen Elizabeu! 
ар! to run into a conven 
underwriter 
Answer: ИЗ a great place to take a 
girl in winter, especially if you get the 
setup I did on my last viit—a thr 
bedroom suite near the top floor. Obvious- 
ly, this is two bedrooms more th 
need, but it gives you a feel 
dance, For scenery, you have Mt 
in one direction and the St 
River in another. Decorated 
Canadian, the suit 
on the wall Mounted fish and animal 
heads surround you. Walking into the 
place, 1 felt like Nelson Eddy, or at least 
like the president of the Hudson's Bay 
1 be effective in 
is a large one i 


you arc сус 
of insurance 


п Early 
е features animal skins 


setting 
ihe living room. 

Ensconced in such luxury, I couldn't 
help but smile when recalling my first 
visit to Montreal. It was in 1954 and 
Dan Rowan and I stopped at a boarding- 
house. We worked at a place called the 
from which 32 hookers 
did thee shows a night. It 
t we get the hookers to 
ause they set the pace for the 
audience: If they did 
plaud, no one else would. We ingratiat- 
ed ourselves with the girls by cleverly 
working them into our material. 1 would 
say, for example, "Helen and Yvonne 
have missed this show, but they'll be 


operated. W 


1 laugh and ap- 


back for the m The other girls 
would roar at this inside joke. Helen 


and Yvonne, of course, had picked up a 
couple of live ones and taken them to 
their rooms. Later, they would retum 
for two more. We hoped one day 10 
work 


a a dass place where the hookers 
il alte 


the last show. 
utiful women. 
wir eyes are generally dark and their 
cre Actually, taking a gil 
there is like taking a bologna sandwich 
to a banquet. But whether your company 
aported or domestic, the Queen Eliz 
beth is a wonderful place in winter, 
because even if snow is piled to your 
hairpiece, you're not trapped in the 
hotel; directly below is the Place Ville 
re underground com 
$ two movie theaters, 
several excellent restaurants (such as the 
Bluenose Inn for seafood and The Stam- 
pede for steaks), a number of good- 
looking cocktail lounges amd 64 shops. 
J's a great place to visit while recharg- 
ing the old batteries. If weather permits, 
you can ski the Laurentians—only а 
hour's drive from Montreal. It isn't nec- 
ve your room on a winte 
al, but at least you have a 


plex thi 


In London, the world's most exciting 
city, you have similar (if not more) 
advantages. Olfhand, you would picture 
London as anything but a romantic 


retreat. It isn't the cleanest place, the 
traffic is thick and the skies often somber. 
But there is so much to sce there, so 
much history to absorb and so many 
unique shops to visit that making these 
scenes with a girl can’t help but be fun. 

One of my fondest memories is of a 
stay at the Dorchester Hotel in Mayfair. 
This is a dignified caravansary across the 
street from Hyde Park. The doorman 
has a top hat, the desk clerks wear 
striped pants and morning coats and 
even the bellhops sport starched col- 
Jars. The atmosphere isn't as stuffy as 
Claridge's, where the help apologizes 
for passing gas, and it won't remind you 
at all of a TraveLodge. 

І got into trouble instantly at the 
Dorchester. My reservation had been 
made by Londoners, who got me an 
accommodation that con: 
room and bath. Ten m 
ing in, I heard a knock on the door. It 
was the house detective. I had heard of 
house dicks all my life; I had read about 
them and listened to jokes about them. 


But this was the first one I had сусг 
seen. 
He wasn’t dressed like Sherlock 


Holmes nor did he carry a magnifying 
glas. But he did detect a lady іп my 
room and said she would have to leave. 
In a foreign country. you don't demand 
your rights, I took my little dish of trifle 
to another place for the night but 
brought her back to the Dorchester the 
next day, when someone hipped me to 
English procedure. London hotelkeepers 
frown on mixed doubles in one room, 
—two rooms or 
more—there is по objection, on the 
grounds that private quarters for each 
are now provided and certainly no gen- 
tleman would stray from his quarters to 
those of the lady's. (Besides, the hotel 
makes twice as much.) 

Exch floor of the Dorchester has its 
own kitchen, meaning that when you 
order snacks from room service, you get 
them quickly and you get them fresh. 
And most of the time from the same 
waiter, In late aftemoon, we would or- 
der a dish of miniature sandwiches and 
tex brewed freshly in the pot and, over- 
looking Park Lane and Hyde Park, 
we'd watch the red doubledecker buses 
and London’s endless stream of motorcars 
weavi ays with Dick (Bur- 
ton, not Martin) at the Dorchester. 1 
don’t know how they pass their time in 
the hotel, but if they're stuck for an idea, 
1 would recommend tea and sandwiches 
and trafic watching. The Dorchester's 
htubs, incidentally, аге tremendous 
and easily accommodate two. It may not 
be acceptable in the hotel for unmarried 
couples to stay in one room, but 1 could 
find no restrictions covering bathtubs. 

At the Broadmoor Hotel in Colorado 
Springs the tubs are smaller and the tea 


But if you have a si 


comes from bags, but this place is among 
my favorite spots. I was stabled there in 
a large, mostly glassenclosed suite offering 
the 


a matchless view of the golf course 
lake and the snowtopped Rocki 
landscape was green and spectacu 
alive. The Broadmoor is а sensa 
place to stay if you're with a girl who 
likes the sporting life: There're golf. 
noeing, tennis, swimming, hiking, skiing, 
fishing, indoor ice skating and, if you're 
up to it, а climb up Pikes Peak. (Make 
sure, however, you don't expend all your 
energies on purely athletic pursuits.) And 
you needn't leave the hotel for amuse- 
ment after dinner. The Broadmoor pro- 
vides 2 movie theater, a night club and 
a great English pub called the Golden 
Bee, where, over beer and cheese, cus- 
tomers sing along with the piano player. 
‘Well, it’s something to do. 

You're going to snicker when I men- 
tion another vital facility at the Broad- 
moor. It’s a beauty shop, the importance 
of which should never be minimized on 
a trip with а girl. Posing as а good 
fellow, you generously suggest a wash, 
set, manicure, pedicure and a few other 
services to enhance the beauty of your 
little flower. Then, depositing her in the 
salon after breakfast, you duck ont for 18 
holes. (И you're a fisherman, you might 
еуеп recommend a hair frosting, which 
takes the better part of a day.) 

Blessed with luck at the Broadmoor, I 
found myself in the company of a pain 
in the ass so minimal as to be hardly felt. 
This lady not only condoned my golf 
but drove the cart, took out the flags and 
actually learned on which side to stand 
when guys were putting. When you run 
into custom jewelry such as this, you 
must naturally give her high priority when 
considering future travel companions, 

A word of caution about Colorado 
Springs. The elevation is 6000 feet—high 
enough to hamper one's usual superb 
performance on the Simmons. Light 
taining will prove helpful; maybe a 
little roadwork and rope skipping. It 
could be embarrassing to go to the post 
one night and suddenly faint. 

It also could ruin a good friendship in 
ап age in which ladies have come to 
expect, even demand, good service. For 
years, we believed sex was mostly for 
men, but today we find that women are 
aggressors whose appetites are just be 
coming known. This can present prob- 
lems to every man enjoying a vacation 
When he's knocked out from all that 
golf, how is he able to get away with just 
a goodnight kiss? He's not, On romantic 
trips, а wom the right to demand 
more. Any time after lunch, in fact, if 
that’s her pleasure. All she must do, i 
return, is heed his entreaty: “Please don't 
be а pain in the ass” 


The Creative Switch 
No other camera has it. The 
Creative Switch circled in the 
photograph lets you choose 
between two separate exposure 
meter systems, and guarantees a 
perfect exposure every time. 
Why two? Because front lighted 
subjects are measured easiest 
with an averaged meter system. 
With back or side lighting you 
need a’ spot’ meter system to 
read the most important part of 
the picture. Most fine 35mm 
SLR cameras have one of these 
systems, only the Mamiya/Sekor 
DIL hes combined both with 
the Creative Switch. Less then 
$180, plus case.See your photo 
dealer or write for folder. 
mamiya/sekor 
Marketed by 
Ponder&Best Inc. 
Corporate Offices: 
11201 West Pico Blvd 
LosAngeles, Calif. 00064 


On the job 
„onthe go 
„ога 
quick lit 


The 
cologne 
spray 
face 
refresher 
for men 


New by Ago Stat 


lay boy 
dai 


PLAYBOY and Rabbit stamped in 
gold leaf on antique tan leatherette 
Cover. Holds six issues. Single binder, 
MM198, $3.95; set of two, MM199, 
$7.50_ Please use order number and 
add 50¢ for handling. 

Shall wo send a gift card 
in your name? He COD. 
orders: please send 
check or money order to: 
Playboy Products, бері. 
Mx19001, Playboy Build: 
ing. 919 N Michigan 
Ave. Chicago. lilinois 
60611. Playboy Club 
credit keyholders may 
Charge. 


= a 


PLAYBOY 


sp rin С] (continued from page 119) 


but always goes by car, “For once, walk 
to the office; get a liule exercise.” Just a 
little while ago. I said all this with an ans 
ious, affectionate expression on my face. 
Now 1 am lying on my bed, all alone 
and... 

Let's begin with my husband. He in- 
herited a number of apartments, and 
now all he does is collect the rents and 
manage the buildings in a dull, listless, 
stupid way. without taking any personal 
initiative, confining himself merely to 
being оп the spot. My husband hasn't 
interested me for at least 20 years. ІРІ 
had to describe him, I'd have to use that 
wonderful but threadbare word: non- 
entity. Yes, he is a nonentity; that is to 
зау, an emptiness; that is, the shell of a 
man but with no man inside; that is, a 
plaster cast without the form on which it 
was modeled. 

I remember vividly the day when I 
went to a clinic where he was going 10 
have a minor operation. I told the nurse 
at the reception desk his name and she 
didn't recognize it ally, she exclaimed, 
“Oh, yes, yes, he's number 226!” Then, 
suddenly, I understood who my husband 
was He could only be recognized as a 
number in a series. He was a little more 
than 225, but he wasn't quite 227. He 
was a perfect fit in the slot between. That 
all Other times, he would be, say, 
number 13 in the line at the counter in 
а bank; number 200 to pay the toll on an 
expressway; number 1,000,068 to get his 
car license plates; number 60 to go into 
a movie . . . until, finally, he would be 
number 12 in the daily-newspaper obitu- 
s. Docs a progresive number really 
exist? In the abstract, yes; but in the 
purely cmotive reality of memory, no. 
Now that I am alone and I've dropped 
my automatic affection as wife and moth- 
cr, T say 10 myself: а nonentity, A perfect, 
absolute nonentity. 

But enough of my husband. Let us go 
оп to my daughter. Very beautiful, with 
a classic beauty. Greek or Roman; tall 
and shapely, with a face like a face on a 
medal, the nose in a straight line with 
the forchead, the eyes shaped like those 
of statues, the mouth formed to perfec- 
tion. But—boring! Yes, indeed, boring; 
even thinking of her, I immediately fecl 
bored. To say that my daughter is foolish 
would be paying her a compliment. My 
daughter is downright stupid. A freak i 
a fair. A monstrosity of nature. I don't 
know who ii 
ligence has limits but that foolishness is 
infinite. He was right. The imbecility of 
my daughter is like the sea: boundless. 
But there is a method in her imbecility. 
For instance, my daughter never gets 
married, although she gets engaged at 
least once a усаг. She never makes а 
mistake, she never has an adventure, she 


223 never has an infatuation, she never has 


a weakness, she never has a feeling of 
bewilderment; she only has engagements. 
Her francés axe, ol course, lovers and her 
engagements are affairs or liaisons, which- 
ever you like to call them; but my 
daughter treats her sentimental life as if 
it were a small business. This has now 
gone on for a long time. She's nearly 35 
and she keeps on playing the part of the 
ingénue, introducing the man she loves 
to her parents and then, after a while, 
exhibiting him all round as her fiancé. 

My own duplicity with her both aston- 
ishes and frightens me. A quarter of an 
hour ago, I said to her, “Darling, when 
are you and Piero thinking of getting 
married?" And now . . . well, now I 
almost want to get up from the bed on 
which I am lying, take a piece of char- 
coal and on the white wall write a few 
nasty remarks about this everlasting, un- 
changing, placid, marmoreal fiancée. 

Let us come, finally, to my son. He 
is neither a nonentity like my husband 
nor an idiot like my daughter; he is, to 
be frank, a stinker. I know for sure that 
he is, why he is and how he is. When he 
was 20, my son bragged one night at 
dinner that he seduced a poor young 
store derk by promising to marry her. OL 
course, it wasn't a marriage but a one- 
night stand, as he took care to tell us. 
This was hardly a story to amuse his 
parents and his sister with, but he was so 
pleased with himself that he didn’t stop 
to think of that. At the time. my auto- 
matic maternal behavior moved into ac- 
tion, as usual. 

I said apprehensively, “Be careful she 
doesn’t blackmail you. She could have а 
child by someone else and then claim it's 
yours. There are plenty of adventuresses 
around." Afterward, though, as soon as 1 
was alone, 1 thought again about hi 
boasting and I suddenly said to myself, 
“Yes, a real stin Since then, I've 
kept an eye on him; I have been watch- 
ing him for more than ten years now 
and I'm convinced in the end that my 
first intuition was right. He's a stinker— 
an unintentional and unwitting one, but 
a total stinker just the same, At work, he 
smiles a lot and sucks up to his boss, but 
he's Mr. Big to the people who work for 
him. He's not very honest at the office; in 
‚ he lies to everybody he's involved 
with—and he's perfecdy cynical about it. 
All of this under a mask that seems quite 
Kind, affectionate, serious and respect- 
able. Along with this, he gives the im- 
pression of being both a devout Catholic 
and a cultured man. The truth is that he 
doesn't believe in anything and he's a 
complete boor. 

Well, just the other night at dinne 
he announced that he’s now engaged to 
a girl who's just as rich as she is ugly— 
and he told us this with the same delight 
in his own corruption that he'd shown 
about the girl ten years ago. 


My old apprehension came back with 
а rush and, just as I had then, 1 said, 
“Be careful. It's a serious step to tie your- 
self for life to a woman you don't love. 
Besides, I wonder if it’s true that she's 
really so rich." And as soon as I was 
alone, I knew I'd been convinced all over 
again. My son is an absolute stinker. 

I think about these things all the time, 
but I cant quite understand myself. 
Why am I that way with my family? 
Why do I always—when I’m with them 
—fall into line, show them all that soli- 
darity and support? Why do 1 keep 
attacking them so violently in my own 
mind when they are not here? I strug- 
gled with this question for a long time, 
but I never found an answer. Then, sud- 
denly, the telephone rang and my instin 
tive т s, “It must be a friend 
What a relief, what а good thing it would 
be to involve myself in some gossip and 
get tid of all my black thoughts. 

Oddly enough, though, the telephone 
lines had got crossed somehow. When I 
lifted the receiver, 1 heard two voices, 
remote in scme unfathomable distance 
but perfectly dear, And what they were 
saying was very strange, too. 

“Try to find out where they're com- 
ing from.” 


Maybe from the kitchen 
sink. If so, nothing can be done. 1 can't 
possibly get rid of all the plumbing." 

“Listen, I've got a suggestion. Before 
you go to bed, put a Jot of insecticide 
around on the floor. 

"It doesn't help much. The only thing 
to do is kill them by squashing them 
with a broom 

“So squash them with a broom. 

“That sounds easy—but the trouble is 
that they arent there when I'm there 
and they're there when I'm not there.” 

“Wait a minute—I don't get all that,” 

“Well, I mean that they're there when 
I'm aslecp. Once in a while, I happen to 
come home about three 
and go into the kitchen. The floor is 
black, really black with them. Hundreds, 
thousands. Then, in the morning, there’s 
not even one.” 

‘Take my advice. Set your alarm clock 
for three AM. When you wake up, grab 
the broom and start squashing. Kill the 
whole bunch. Don't leave a single one 
alive.’ 

“Not a bad idea, but I hate to lose my 
sleep. It’s preity disgusting—to have to 
set the alarm for them. At that time in 
the morning, all I care about is sleep.” 

“So you'd rather һауе your sleep th 
get rid of them?” 

“Of course. І wouldn't dream of wak- 
ing up just for their sakes. Let them 
have a ball in the kitchen all night when 
I'm not there. I just don't want to sce 
them. I don’t want to remember that 
they exist. 

—Translated by 


Angus Davidson ЕЙ 


“Watch out for R. J. He isn’t drinking.” 


223 


PLAYBOY 


230 


arson is suspected and if Kent doesn’t 
over there and cover i Planet 
will get scooped and lose circulation. 
“And for God's sake,” he screams, “at 
least bring back some notes this time, 
so Olsen can write the story. Just make 
some little marks in the notebook 1 gave 
you—anything.” Кет all turned on (һе 
digs fires), calls White “Chief” on the 
у out, gives the girls in the office a big 
OK sign, says, “This is a job for you- 
know-who,” and then leaves by the tente 
Поог window. Some cats ате always ол. 

11:00: Sitting here humming Street 
Fighting Man, waiting lor someone in- 
teresting to die so I'll have something 10 
write and playing around with Kent's 
death notice, which is an up пір. 


11:30: Lois Lane makes an entrance— 

sight: liule pillbox har, Aine 
Scholl pumps, snappi 
“Ts Clark her 


оша 
skirt, 


Dr. 


and says 


(continued from page 171) 


yoice of hers. 


that singsong fuck 
o. He's at a fire 
‘Ooooh noooo. Where? I'd better 
over there. He may need help." 
And I'm thinking: Sure, you want to 
help him. Guy with a bod like that, 
more powerful than a locomotive, able 
to leap tall buildings in a single bound, 
nd you don't want to get 
ant to help him. Sure. Upt 
chick. Ugh! 


Irs at the Metropolis garment facto- 
ry. He said to meet him in the panties 


Oh Jimmy. you're 
y that 
really going 

з. he said he wanted you to "help! 


him. 
She splits and White comes out of his 
office and s ghost, 
Olsen, will you write some obituaries, or 
you're fired!” 
So I tur 
lius € 


and мап typi y 
ar gor himself ripped off in 


the forum today because he was a god 
damn fascist pig; but his ghost walk 


Noon: Into the janitors closet. Со 
stoned. Dug the big mops. 
0: Kent comes in doing his Charles 
thing, stops at Margie's desk. does 
number on her tits, 
mangles her desk lamp with two fingers, 
then leans down and makes the sound of 
a speeding bullet in her car, and she says, 
“Оооооо, Mr. Kent . . " and he sa 
“Later for you, baby, and hubbahubba 
And I'm thinking how glad 1 am to be 
zonked. 

He comes over to 
L.L. find you?” 


Did 


ud I ask, 


tomato's a crazy 
nd I don't like crazy people. I was 
ng there at the fire, watching those 
tty flames, and 1 heard this scream- 
I entered fearlessly and found her 
rooting around the warehouse amid a 
million Han tics, yelling, "Fm 
here, Clark, come and get me.’ OF course, 
І saved her. I bashed down the walls, 
walked through fire, held up the burning 
roof and the whole time she's yelling, 
I want to help you. Oh, God, I want 
to help you. And she's trying to pull 
ne down onto the floor. Tt was a very 
лу scene, There's a place for the sex 
suff, but that tomato belongs in a 
hospital,” 

Perry White, out of his cubicle, excit- 
hell: “Was Superman at the fire 

You bet,” says Kent. 

“Well, what the hell happen 

“He saved Lois Lane and 
arsonists for God and country: 

"What did he do to them 
s/m in White begins to show. 

“Wh 
them around ; 
them apologize. 
ule beads of pers, : 
ning to form on White's forehead now: 
“Did he make them run around in front 
of the crowd in their underwear?” 

“No. I know you like it, but that stult 
i resume 

“Well, L hope to God you at least got 
a picture of Superman with the crooks in 
front of the American f 

“Ро you have to ask, Chie! 

“All right, give your note: 
he can get the story written 

And Kent drops his grungy little note- 
book on my desk and “Make it 
sound like Hemingway and TH do you 
a favor sometime, kid. 

And then White yells: “And Olsen, 
make sure you get that line about 
th, Justice and the American Way 
of Life’ in there this time. 

And I'm thinking to myself, the Amer- 
ican way of life, maybe, but Truth and 
Justice? Never. Up against the wall, 


Supermother! 


kid. 


ed 


aught the 


and the 


any man would do: He slapped 
and then made 


little 


says Kent 
to Olsen so 


SUMMEP (continued from page 120) 


my husband could hardly appreciate those 
same passions in the theater. I have эссп 
all three of them asleep during most of 
a performance. Meanwhile, opera glasses 
10 my eyes and cars straining, 1 would 
follow with rapt attention the heroi 
tumult bursting forth on the stage. 

‘Then my husband died and I kept on 
going to the opera with my son, Gildo. 
To give you an idea of what opcra 
meant to me, I need only say that 1 
named my son in honor of Rigoletto, my 
favorite Verdi oper 
ted that I didn't dare call him after the 
Duke of Mantua, with whom, believe it 
or not, I was truly and honestly in love 
for years. But that wonderful character, 
as you can confirm by reading the 
to, has no name. He is called the Duke of 
Mantua and that's that. So I fell back on 
Rigoletto’s daughter and named my son 
Gildo. 

I took him to the theater as soon as I 
could; he was seven years old when he 
saw his first opera, La Traviata. Alter 
the death of my husband, Gildo, who 
was 15, became my escort. Ordinarily, he 
wore the clothes all boys w 
bluc-cotton trousers, a sweater and а 
jacket; but for the opera, 1 had made for 
him a man’s suit, dark blue, to be worn 
with black shoes, white shirt and a 
dark tie. He was an obedient, respectful 
sou; he was 15, but he looked older than 
that. 

One evening, at the end of the season, 
we went to Rigoletto, While 1 was dress- 

I thought about Verdi and said 
myself that, for all his genius, he 
could not have written Rigolelto by him- 
self. Its an opera of devilish cruelty, 
stinking of sulphur, a diabolical, hellish 
work. To have La Donna 6 Mobile sung 
1 the distance at the very moment that 
Gilda—who’s far from fickle, in fact, who 
із faithful unto death—sacrifices herself 
for her unworthy lover is fantastic. It's a 
thing that you can succeed in writin: 
only if you sell your soul to the Devil, 
Yes, indeed, the Devil had helped Verdi 
write Kigoletto, there could be no doubt 
about it. 

In the midst of my reflections, over- 
flowing with admiration for Verdi, I 
heard, all of a sudden, Gildo's detached 

nd precise v g from the next 
тоош as he spoke on the telephone with 
a friend. "No, this evening I can't, I've 
got to go with my mother to the ope 
What a bore! Papier-mäche on the м 
and mummies in the stalls, 

І have already said that Туе always 
suspected that my cold, practical chara 
ter is only a mask for hidden passions. 1 
had proof of it at that moment. All at 
once, the world crumbled inside me, just 


^ con 


а. 
аде 


as though, instead of my son, 1 had 
heard a lover slandering me to a woman 
I. I felt betrayed in Ше cruelest, most 
ruthless way, a betrayal that devalued 
and destroyed not me alone but the 
things [ lived for. At the same time, I 
realized, almost with astonishment, how 
much I loved my son. Oddly enough, 1 
was realizing this at the very moment he 
was so brutally rejecting me. 

1 began to weep as E finished dressing. 
I was weeping with anger. lt seemed to 
me that, without being aware of it, over 
the years I had shut myself up in a 
character very much like Rigoletto—the 
mother who lives for her son, And I 
wished to destroy this character as soon 
as possible, to get back my freedom. I 
took my opera glasses, called Gildo and 
we went down into the street. In the саз, 
1 took the wheel and drove to the opera. 

Papier-mäch€ on the stage, mummies 
in Ше stalls, Seated in а red.velver 
armchair in the stalls, all the 
other mummies also seated in red-velvet 
armchairs, 1 fixed my eyes upon the stage 
in the hope that the usual enchanunent 
would return, as it always had before. 
But I felt suddenly that my old relation- 
ship with the opera had been broken. It 
was true. Rigoletto, dressed in red 
yellow stripes. gliding across the front 
of thc enormous stage and shaking hi 
scepter, with the bells on his cap, 
against the gilded background of a Ren- 
sance hall, was an artificial character 
with artificial sentiments and postures. 
But, by a strange contradiction, at the 
very moment when I became aware of 
this artificiality in Rigoletto, 1 recog: 
nized myself in him. I had always been a 


among 


па 


cold, practical wom: 
man passions because I be 
free from them. Now I knew that I w: 
On the contrary, a passionate woman, 
just like Verdi's character. But, for that 
very reason, artifici 


I felt that I was in a state of frenzy. 


Like tees in a hurricane broken off and 
laid low one after another, all of the 
things I had loved were falling to the 
ground—my family, my world of affec 
tions, my son. Once upon a time, these 
things had made opera seem real to me. 
Now opera made these things look 
artifical. 

Suddenly, halfway through the second 
act, I rose 10 my feet and whispered to 
Gildo, “Let's go,” and I went out. 

Gildo followed me in silence. But once 
we were in the car, he asked me quietly, 
as I drove away, "What's the matter, 
Mum: 


“The matter is that everything is 
us, 


finished between us, or, rather, every 
thing ought to finish as soon as possible, 
Ivs time you thought seriously about 
youtsell and your future, You're nearly 
sixteen. You can't stay tied to your moth- 
er's apron strings forever. 

Texpected him to be astonished, at the 
very Teast. But, with a sharp pain, 1 
heard him answer at once in a perfectly 
reasonable tone, “You're right, Mum, 
I've often thought about this myself and 
Гуе come to the same conclusion as you.” 

I was inally, 1 stammered, 
“There, you see what | mean. Well, 1 
think youd better stay with me for now, 
until dhe autumn. Then, in October, you 
might go and stay with my brother at 
Bologna. You сап go on with your 
studies there and, at the 
can begin to learn somet 


m 


ne time, vou 
about the 


“Oh, dear me—it's my 


sisters part 


you want. Гт 


still a conservative’ 


PLAYBOY 


232 


legal profession at your unde's. Alter 
that, we'll see. 

“No, Mum 
ferent.” 

“What d’you mean?” 

“L don't want to be a lawyer. I want 
to move to Milan, take an aparunent 
there with some friends and set up as a 
photographer. 

We had arrived at home. I made him 
get out and he said he hoped 1 would 
have a nice drive, Then I started off 
top speed to the Ostia motorway and 1 
didn't stop until I was on the prome- 
nade overlooking the sea. It was а шоо 
less night and the sea wasn't visible. On 
the large open space of the promenade, 
in the brilliant light from many lamp- 
posts, there was only my own car. I 
switched. off the engine and turned on 
the radio. Immediately, of course, I 
heard Rigoletto, transmitted direct from 
the opera. 

I had an intolerable feeling of anxiety 
I no longer wished to be what I had 
been before and I did not know what to 
do. Finally, I opened the door and got 
out. At one side of the promenade, there 
was a staircase leading to the sca. 1 
went down the step: as high tide 
nd ihe bottom step w er. 1 
hesitated, then took off my shoes and 
stockings and went barefoot into the cold 
water. I was now thinking of drowning 
myself by walking into the sea until 1 
could no longer touch the bottom. The 


ideas 


my own аге d 


s under 


time had come when I could no longer 
help being what I was. The only way to 
escape from my own character was to kill 
myself. I write about these things now 
with a certam Jogic, But at that moment, 
my mind was far more troubled than my 
body. I went forward calmly, step by 
step, and ail the time the frenzy in my 
mind continued. 

1 had left the radio on full blast and 
Rigoletto could be heard very clearly, 
singing his despair as a father, the 
volunt 
ter. Tt was those inhuman howls 
finally convinced me. 1 wasn’t Ki 
myself, 1 was killing the mother in my- 
self, the ridiculous Rigoletto in my heart. 

Then the opera came to an end and 
there was the applause. The w 
already up to my chin. All of a sudden, 1 
had the sensation that I was standing 
at the front of a stage, facing the dark 
theater beyond the footlights. I realized 
that the 
coming from the se: 
letto but for me. As 
the operatic 
kills herself because her son is no longer 
there, Abruptly, the frenzy cleared from 
my mind. 1 turned round in the water 
nd made my way back. There was still 
nobody on the promenade, Nobody saw 
dripping middle-aged woman get into 
take the wheel and vanish into 
the night. 
anslated by 


y executioner of his own daugh- 
that 


er was 


pplause, which seemed to be 
not for Rigo- 
T was truly 


who 


nother, the mother 


Angus Davidson EB 


“How come this doesn't fall under ‘contributing 
to the delinquency of a minor ?" 


ERADICATING POVERTY 


(continued. from page 172) 
‘Therefore, they condude triumphantly, 
the do-gooders are actually harming the 
poor and the minorities whom they 
daim to defend when they raise the 
minimum. There is a certain element of 
truth in this point, but only if the Feder- 
al manpower program is simply and idi. 
otically confined to a minimum-wage 
law. If, however, we understood that we 
should want to shift people from menial 
to meaningful occupations, then we 
could welcome the very effect that the 
conservatives view with alarm, We might 
even consider putting the highest m 
mumewage rates on the dirtiest jobs, so 
that employers will develop machines to 
do that kind of work and men and 
women will be freed to make a convibu- 
tion to society. 


As а matter of fact, there is now evi- 
dence that meaningful work is the only 
kind of employment that will attract 
people, If we fail to create it, things will 
not just remain as bad as they are; they 
will get worse. If the choice at the bot- 
tom of the economy is between welfare 
on the one hand and sweatshop or моор 
labor on the other, more and morc 
people are going 10 drop out and just 
take the Government check. The very 
psyche of the poor is changing and 
siruggle against poverty has to take th: 
into t 

In the bad old days whe 
general and American social services 
were the worst in the civilized world 
(they still are), people were forced to 


accou 


want was 


aceept—and even fight for—inhuman 
jobs. Those who submitted to this vi 
cious process were told by the pillars ol 


sodety that such pursuits ennobled the 
and demonstrated their worth to thei 
fellow men and to God, This consoling 
thought failed to persuade everyone, 
the particularly violent history of Ameri- 
can labor shows. But it did provide a 
rationalization for backbreaking, tedious 
cccupations—one in which the President 
of the United States believes to this very 
momen 

But 
especially since the poor now understand 
that in an era of rampant mechaniz: 
tion, such jobs are not really necessar 
So it is that in New York in recent years, 
where the payments under Aid for De 
pendent Children were competitive with 
the worst jobs, the mothers have become 
more and more reluctant to take such 
work, To conservatives this will probably 
come as one more proof of the flabbiness 


these itudes cremal, 


not 


and decadence of the welfare state; to 
me, it is a gain. Those women are not 
being lazy. In New Jersey, 
aniced. income was give 


though they didn't have to—but were 
more conscious of their own d 


They are quite right to that a sod 
ety as technologically sophisticated as 
this one must now concern itself not 
simply with the quantity of work but 
with its quality as well. 

The authorita espouse to 
situation, as in Nixon's workfare pro- 
gram, is to substitute legal coercion for 
the failing discipline of the labor m: 
ket That is not going to produce the 
self-reliance and independence that the 
President seems to think inheres in each 
and every job. It is much more likely to 
evoke sullen resentment and shoddy 
work. If, instead of preaching homilies 
on the value of labor, America actually 
utilized the wasted talents of those who 
now toil in the economic underworld, 
this would upgrade our health, our edu- 
cation, our social services and all the 
rest, The poor would benefi—but, again, 
so would society as a whole. 

Yet even if we provide every citizen 
with either an adequate income or a 
decent job and millions still live in the 
urban and rural slums, poverty still will 
not he abolished. The very environment 
of misery itself must be dismantled. In 
making this point, I don't want to get 
nto the enormous complexities of hous- 
ng, not the Teast because the problem із 
analyzed in Mayor Stokes's contribution 
to this symposium. I simply want to 
emphasize how crucial it is to redeem the 
promise first made by the nation їп 
1949—that every American has a right to 
a livable dwelling place—and to counter 
a sincere but dangerous romanticism that 
sometimes found among some of the 


this 


ost dedicated fighters against injustice 
The militants rightly argue that the in- 
surgencies of the poor themselves 


blacks and Puerto Ricans raising basic 
questions about the schools and Ше po- 
lice, welfare mothers organizing to fight 
vsponsive bureaucracies, migrant. farm 


workers organizing unions—have been 
among the most important single by- 


products of an “unconditional war on 
poverty” that turned out to be a skir- 
mish, Yet they chen go on 10 overesti- 
mate the rebelliousness ternity 
among people forced to struggle—olten 
with one another—for the necessities of 
life. As a result, they don't understand 
how crucial it is to do away with the 
slums altogether. 

The slum is not, as some have alleged, 
a “natural” community. It is a hetero- 
‘ous place where some families have 
able strengths and others have 
been overwhelmed by the pathologies of 
want. The good jobs are increas 
in the suburbs, and since the 
Government has spent more tha 
times as much on highways that benefit 
the suburbs than on mass transit, it is 
often impossible for the poor to get to 
the new factories. Moreover, the san 
tion department doesn’t usually bother 


too much about cleaning up these tcem- 
i ighborhoods, and the citizenry is 
torn between a fear of police brutality 
and a desire for more police to curb the 
ubiquitous, semipublic criminality that 
no middle-class area would tolerate for a 
moment, Some of the people are the 
walking wounded of poverty; others аге 
hustlers, junkies, impoverished enemies 
of the poor: and still others are engaged 
in a courageous battle to transform the 
intolerable conditions around them. 

The last group obviously deserves the 
enthusiastic support of every partisan of 
change. Bur that should not lead to the 
illusion that шор built in a 
slum. Poverty. even when it is democ 
cally controlled, is still poverty. Indeed, 
it is significant that people such as Sen: 
tor Goldwater and William. F. Buckley, 
Jr., have had kind words for the cause of 
community control. They are, one sus- 
peas, quite content to let the blacks 
have dominion over the miseries of Ha 
lem as long as the wealthy are supreme 
nd Nob Hill. 


а сап be 


And slums are not naturally rebellious, 
either. They create despair as well as 
ilitance, passivity as well as anger. So it 
that election statistics record that the 
poor, who have the greatest need for 
political power of any group in society, 
register and vote less than anyone else. 
When that is understood, it will be un- 
derstood that doing away with the slums 
is not to destroy a fortress but to break 
people out of the prison of their power 
Jessness. 

This is emphatically not to suggest 
that we first tear down the tenements 
and the shacks and then find housing for 
those who lived there. That was the 

i World War Two 
allowed the Federal Government 
to raze more housing than it ever built. 
Usually, the areas that were cleared 
were not used for new homes for the site 
dwellers but for apartments for the rich 
or for public monuments. So any pro- 


grams dealing with this issue must stipe 
late that it i St the law to tear 
down a unit of housing before 


“If you're looking for whoever whistled at you, 
there's a sun-crazed sea gull up there." 


PLAYBOY 


234 lowed to go into comm 


acceptable, and better, replacement for it 
is ready. 

But how is that to be done? The 
publichousing program is already in а 
hambles and some of the huge projects, 
ike Piuiti-Igoe in St Louis, are so 
crime-ridden that they literally have 


been abandoned to rats. The suburban- 
ites, particularly those who have just fled 
from the cities, are organizing to “de- 
fend" their property against the poor 
and the minorities. And the Nixon Ad- 
ministration, which, in a recent case, was 
militantly challenged by white suburban 

s on this count, has clearly decided to 

k down, Yet E still think the problem 


ist and propoverty patterns of 
g. 1f people want to be antisocial, 
they should at least be required to do so 
with their own money. 

ass and тісі homeowners in 
T noted earlier, get much 
more relief from the Government than do 
the poor. They have had cheap, Federal- 
ly underwritten credit over the y 
they get princely tax deductions that cut 
the interest costs even more; they are not 
required to count the rental value of their 
home ind they are numbered 
among the prime beneliciaries of the 
more than 50 billion йо п Federally 
financed highways that facilitate com- 
muting, So all of these Government 
monies have had the effect of e: 
ing the social crises that the Government 
deplores, above all by creating Shangri 
Las of white, allluent irresponsil 
while the central cities rot. 

I suggest that these people be told that 
Washington is not going to рау 
cial and class apartheid in t 
A recent Мазасһизси» law shows one 
way of implementing that principle. Un- 
der it, every developer of private housing 
must set aside a certain (relatively small) 
percentage of units for low-income fami 
lies. If that were to become а national 
policy—and the Government could pro- 
mote it simply by threatening to with- 
draw its largess from noncooperators—it 
could make the private-housing market 
an agency for uniting, rather than divid- 
ing, the society. And it would also deal 
with the rational fears that sometimes 
coexist with irrational prejudices 
arca, for it would guarantee a I 
dispersion of former slum dwellers that 
would not overwhelm a neighborhood 
or drive property values down. 

Something like this idea has already 
been suggested to President Nixon. In 
January 1970, an urban-renewal panel, 
headed by Miles L, Colean, told him 
that aid “of all sorts” should be withheld 
from cities that reject low-cost. housing. 
The Civil Rights Commission then pro- 
posed that Federal agencies not be al- 
ties unless 


America 


5 income 


erbat 


for 


is county 


they provide decent dwelli 
poor and the minorities. And the Presi- 
dent's own Secretary of Housing and 
Urban Development, George Romney, 
has urged a Federal law prohibiting 
these suburbs from using their zoning 
powers to block migration from the cen- 
tral cities. Mr. Nixon has ignored this 
advice, which is опе of the many, many 
reasons that I am not sanguine that his 
Administration wants to bother to abol- 
ish poverty. But the fact that so many 
illars of the community, some of them. 
s, are thinking along these 
lines is a sign of how effective a policy of 
stopping Federal aid to housing discrimi- 
nation could be. 

Though Mayor Stokes and leaders of 

г large cities might tend to disagree, 
тшу believe the best chance of destroy- 
ing the physical environment of poverty 
is through building entire new cities and 
towns. If the Government were to under- 
write the infrastructure for ten new cit 
ies of 1,000,000 people cach and ten new 
towns of 100,000 people each, these new 
communities could be integrated and 
provide homes for the poor from the 
very first day. No one would be required 
to live in them; but anyone who refused 
would be freely tuming his back on the 
massive Federal subsidies thar alone 
would make them possible, Separatists of 
1 colors would have the right to com- 
pete for their enclaves on the completely 
private—and much more expensive 
housing marker. 

This approach would demand 
siderable investment of tax mone 
would a guaranteed income and, in the 
first phase, a a guaranteed right to 
work. But why, then, would the afluent 
take all these pains for the mino 
ity who are poor? The best answer to 
that question is that Americans should 
be persuaded to destroy poverty out of 

n decency and social 
mong the young genera- 
there are more and төге people 
are willing to make exactly that 
itment. But there many 


motives of hun 
justice. And 
tion, 


are si 


ppeal to ideals. That is why I want 
10 address myself to their sellinteres 

Poverty is extremely expensive to 
intain. Welfare costs are, of course, 
rising and the price of police and fire 
protection in the slums is higher than 
anywhere else, For these reasons, almost 
all of the once-great cities of this lind 
are now on the verge of social bı 
ruptey: They cannot afford the poor. 
But suppose that when the war ends in 
Vietnam, this nation made a decisive 
new commitment Rather Шап amelio- 
rating the intole ugh reluc 
reforms, we would make a gigantic 
vestment in our people and our future. 
We would rescue the talents we now 
waste in unemployment and underem- 
ployment. We would destroy the physical 


e те: 


environment that now pens in the ch 
dren of poverty—almost half of the tota 
who are going to be the mothers and 
athers of poverty tomorrow. 

JE we did that, we would save money 
s well as human lives. For those mil. 
ns would no longer be dependent 
“problems.” They would be contributing 
to the society »g it better for all. 
For proof, just consider one of this coun- 
try's most successful social programs: the 
GI bill. Out of gratitude toward returu- 
ing Servicemen after World War Two. 
the nation gave away millions of dollars 
in free college education. It is now ob- 
vious that, among other things, this was 
опе of the shrewdest investments ever 
made. Not only did those veterans enrich 
themselves intellectually but their in- 
creased skills and knowledge were a ma 
jor factor in promoting affluence. And 
the same could happen with the poor. 

If we refuse to act, there will be yet 
mother cost: it was described by the 
National Commission on the Causes and 
Prevention of Violence, headed by Mil- 
ton Eisenhower. "In a few more years. 
lacking effective public action,” the 
commission said, central cities will be 
deserted at night and only “partially 
protected" by crowds during the day; the 
high-rise apartments of the rich will be 
fied cells"; guns will be univer 
armed gu ide shotgun" on 


public transit and patrol all public 
places. nd to a conside 
able extent unintentionally,” the com- 
mission concluded, "we are ck 


ourselves into fortresses when collectiy 
should be building the great, of 
s of which we 


The dark future the commission pro- 
jects has already begun. And one of the 
most basic reasons why today is so ble 
and tomorrow could be worse, is that we 
have Jet poverty fester in the midst of 
affluence. So when the war ends in Viet- 
nam, this nation will find itself at one of 
the most fateful moments of choice in its 
history. It could decide to take all those 
billions and to use them for more social- 
ism for the rich and free enterprise for 
the poor. It would then stimulate the 
economy through subsidies lor pr 
consumption by the we 
consumption by the n 

са could decree that it is the birth 
of every ci 
and an adequate income, either through 
gful job or directly from the 
Government. If we took the later 
course, poverty would be abolished and 
the entire society would be qualitatively 
improved, for the rich as well as for the 
poor. On the 200th anniversary of the 
United States, in 1976, we might even 
boast that we finally guaranteed all 
of our people life, liberty and the pur- 
suit of happiness. 

Bg 


izen to have a decent home 


"If you're such a wise man, why do 1 have to think up a gift?” 


235 


PLAYBOY 


236 


VIETNAMIZATION OF AMERICA 


of the view he holds of himself, of the 
fact that authoritarian strength will 
triumph ovcr soft dissent. 

So we are all being Vietnamized, all a 
little differently, none of us the same. I 
grew up. like so many others, believing 
that this country worked, that it groped 
its way, sometimes slowly, sometimes 
awkwardly, toward a better Ше; and, es- 
that the future was going to 
һе Now I'm пог so эше. I 
sce the tension and the hate and the 
> and the reaction to the bomb- 


Times 
Magazine with its regular articles com- 
ring us with the Weimar Republic, 


and I'm not sure that the future is so 
bright. Indeed, there ave times when 1 
am wide awake and rational and I get 


the cold chill of а bad dream, а sense 
that we may live through something very 
tenible in our lifetimes. To use the 


quotation from Emerson that George 
Ball, then Undersecretary of State, used 
when he made his valiant last desperate 
attempt to tum American policy around 
on Vietnam in 1965: “Events are in the 
saddle and tend to ride mankind. 
ANSWER: Tt was a ditch. And so we 
started pushing them olt and we 


(continued from page 166) 


started shooting them, so alto- 
gether we just pushed them all off, 
and just started using automatics on 
them. And the: 
And babies? 

And babies. And so we 
Genie Motor (Шань КҮШ came 
body told us to switch off to single 
shot so that we could save ammo, So 
we switched off to single. . . . 
xcerpt from an interview with 
Раш Meadlo on the events at 
Song My. 


The thing about us asa nation wasn’t 
so much that we were different but that 
we thought we were different. In the early 
Sixtics, we were a nari a- 
lity. We had our religion and, if it didn't 
really question the social and ethical 
problems of the day їп most commu 
was booming ahead, nonethe- 
n fact, a pretty good rule 


sure of our 


hi 


church). We had our political system, 
‚ and our alist enter- 
prise, which worked miraculously. We 
were, it seemed, freer, richer and more 
pious than other nations. Our myths were 


“Would you voluntarily give me all the money on your persan 
so I won't have to rob you and become a criminal?” 


our dogmas. When we went to war, we 
won those wars and found in the win- 
ning, in the prosperity that followed, 
proof that we were somehow different. 
Even in the brief flickering moment of 
doubt, the mid-Fifties, when Sputnik 
flashed (could the Communist syste 
build a bigger rocket), we doubted 


only our power, never our morality and 
decency. 


of course, we were 


n, even in our power. Our 

s restored, our space mei 
flashed ahead of Soviet space men. We had 
harnessed our power to our morality, at 


cast in space, where one could sce it and 
boast of it. though perhaps not in our 
inner cities; we had resisted the tempta- 
tion to be, most dangerous of all words, 
solt. Even our poets warned us 
that. “Be more dish 
Robert Frost had wa 
vard man John Ke 
ration, not realizing that academe had 
produced a new brand of very tough 
bombardiers. We had always indulged 
ourselves in the belief in our nobility of 
ntion, and the post-War years had 


confirmed о st suspicions about 
ourselves. We became rich and the East 
was poor (that two oceans had sepa 


us from the ravages of two great w 
not occur to us very olten). Mor 
not just financial superiority: 
of refugees coming across Europe, са 
west. confirmed our sense of value 
talism was better than communism, more 
humane, its earlier abuses tempered by 
new liberal legislation that only а de- 
mocracy could produce. President. Ken. 
nedy could go to Berlin in 1903 and 
stand at the Wall, the symbol of our 
t and their darkness and, curried 
away by the emotion of the moment, put 
aside his prepared statement and say that 
whether people felt that competition be 
п East and West was judged on eco- 
s, politics or personal freedom—let 
them come to Berlin, Pe 


aps Europe, 
more cynical, torn by two terrible wars, 
more aware that no one ever wins a 


war, was tired of the old competitions; 
but here in America, we still believed 


that God was on the winning side. Ours. 
While Europe had turned away from 
politics and war, tired and cynical after 


terrible bloodletting іп this century, we 
still believed. (The French had failed in 
Indochina before us, but the men who 
planned om war were not deterred by 
that; they regarded the Frend fe 
or people corrupted by too much defeat 
id too much good wine; they weren't a 
can-do society.) We were activists, believ- 
ing that it could all change. This was 
the meaning of the Kennedy era—that we 
could elect a handsome young act 
President who could diagnose the world’s 
ills and then do something about them, 
that Ше establishment would, with a 
good deal of conniving and manipula- 
tion, respond, То be involved, that was 


it. Kennedy's favorite quotation was from 
Dante, that the houest places in hell 
were reserved for those who sat neutral 
during a time of great crisis 

As Kennedy had challenged Americans 
to have higher hopes, to become in- 
volved, and as those years ended with the 
country mired in Vietnam, there would 


be an enormous disappointment and dis- 
illusion with the conventional processes. 
We were not different, we were the same 


as others. Just as powerless But our 
sense of frustration was even greater be 
cause we had expected to share in Ше 
power and found that we could not and 
because we were living in a country that 
exercised such awesome power that when 
failed to control it, the sense of 
disaster and horror was so much greater 
because we loosed so much more devasta- 
tion on the world. Thus the withdrawal 
from conventional politics. Some would 
turn to more radical politics, seeing in 
Vietnam and the inability to reverse it 
far deeper failure of the system, not just 
an aberration but а reflection. Some 
would become bombers, answering the 
violence around them with violence of 
their own. Some would become almost 
European in their attitudes toward poli- 
tics. believing there are no answers, that 
politics is all, to use their word, shit; 
that the answer is in self, in humanism. 
The answer is to drop ош. to turn to 
drugs. to become a mystic of sorts 
away from the jarring crowded competi- 
tive race that is America. Drop out to 
communes, new villages, new, less com 
petitive ways of life, Drop out of the 
existing political parties that seem so 


we 


archaic and corroded imo somethin, 
newer, more personalized, narrower and 
angrier. If the party didn't include work- 


ers or farmers and was not а majority 
ty, that was all right The existing 
parties were throwing the vote away. in 
that they were a continuation of what 
existed, which was all Politics to 
them was something different than to 
iheir predecessors: Tt was a way of find 
ng and expressing sell; not, as it always 
l been before, the reverse, the indi 


vidual going into politics to become part 
of something larger, greater, broader. 
So the war in Vierna n what w 
surely be an age of disillusion here 
home. an age stunning in its speed. one 
more product of the incredible velocity of 
life that now marks the American cultur 
Ten years from grand illusion to loss of 
ith. Who would have thought of pro- 
testing Jack Kennedy's nomination at 
Los Angeles in 19607 Oh, perhaps there 
ı lingering hope of Stevenson, but 
Jack seemed to represent us at our best 
—handsome, stylish, intelligent, graceful, 
witty, tough. The fact that he was also 
very, very rich and thus able to use his 
money outrageously to bend the corrupt 
processes did not bother us then. He 
didn't represent the best of us, he repre 
sented the best of the rich. His concems, 


was 


“Boobs!” 


therefore, were not necessarily our con- 
cerns, the pressures on him not necessari 
ly the pressures on us. Thus, perhaps, 
Vietnam, and thus, perhaps, the Bay of 
Pigs. But the shadows had darkened by 
1964. Kennedy was dead. Though the 
war in Vietnam was still i 
was growing and it seemed more i 
nadition of the Bay of Pig 
Peace Corps. The best of tire р 
eration had gone to Mississippi, а sum- 
mer of deaths and cracked heads and 
tough sheriffs; and they had encountered 
local resistance and what appeared to be 
hington's insensitivity. 


tension in the air, not within the proc 
esses; within what were deemed the proc 
. Lyndon Johnson had every vote. И 
he had signified Ho Chi Minh or Nasser 
as his running mate, he could have 
pulled it ой. But for the first time, and 
this was significant, the people who were 
outside the processes. the  disenfran- 
chised, for whom the processes seemed 
distant and exclusive and arrogant, were 
demanding to g That was the 
significance of 1961; it was embryonic, 
but it was there. What would happen in 
the next four years would not end this 
sense of Irustration, but, indeed, feed 
nd fuel it. 

By 1968, there was a full-scale war, a 
very big and dirty war, and those people 
who four years carlier had thought they 
were part of the processes, the very people 
who had helped keep the Mississippi 
Freedom Democratic Party out in 1964, 

themselves excluded and power: 
less—the white liberal as nigger. So it 
was a great symbolic event, a bitter and 
violent. contr of 


esse 


now fe 


reflective 


tation, 


country whose political system has not 
kept up with its needs, its politicians cu- 
usly insensitive to the demands of the 
occasion, the young people around them 
no longer interested in the old warnin 
Be nice. Behave yourself, We may not be 
y good, but if you do 
ood manners and swallow your disap- 
pointment, you may get something worse. 
The terrible thing about people who 
choose the leser of two evils, Hannah 
Arendt once wrote, is that they soon for- 
get they have chosen the lesser of two 
evils, 

The young, who had said, in effect, it 
no longer works, you do not hear and 
you do not listen, your only answer to 
protest here and anywhere else is force, 
were, indeed. proved right in the streets 
of Chicago, This was not, after all, a 
challenge at some third-rate university 
where an insensitive university president 
had failed or a challenge at some ba 
local draft board or tie protesting of a 
speech by th ary of State. Rather, 
this was a challenge to the heart of 
democratic society. in its (allegedly) 
most open function. The fact that, at this 
most democratic rite, the dominant vole 
seemed to be played by the police was 
c more chilling lesson of what we had 
already lost and a warning of what 
might come next. We had gone through 

ring t , torn apart by a 
stupid and senseless war, and we had lost 
much of our democratic balance- 

Perhaps what we need now is for some 
great rich democratic nation to export 
its values to us, 
us democra 
d institut 


"t put on vour 


ng decad 


nd its advisors, to teach 
y, to help us with our values 
s 


237 


и 
o 
m 
м 
= 
a 


"Wouldn't it be more polite to шай for the other guests before starting?" 


FUTURE Of ECSTASY continued from page 212) 


tried tickling sensations on various sensi- 
tive areas of the skin, the rocking motion 
of a ship in rough weather, slowly drip- 
ping water on the forehead, sounds of 
fingernails scratching on a blackboard 
and of squeaky wheels, discordant combi- 
nations of musical tones, irritating and 
incomprehensible melodies, toilet noise 
rasping voices with terrible accents, voices 
that were unctuously insincere, going on 
to groans, weeping, screams and mani 
cab laughter and, finally, all kinds of 
electronically produced shudders, needles 
nd pins and nameless sounds. At the 
beginning of each session, the subject 
was put into a mild hypnotic state with 
- suggestion that he simply give іп 
ation is aroused, letting 
ism respond freely in whatever 
way seemed natural. If, for example, a 
stimulus made him feel like squirming, 
he was encouraged to squirm as much as 
he liked and really get with it. 

As might be expected, people began to 
acquire а taste for these formerly taboo 
vibrations and their now uninhibited 
and often convulsive responses began to 
take on an crotic and sometimes ecstatic 
quality. The doctors supplemented sonic 
and tactile vibrations with video: strobe 
lights, vivid color movies of falling 
through space, of revolting messes accom- 
panied with appropriate smells, of explo- 


the on 


sions, approaching tornadoes, monstrous 
faces and of 


spiders, hideous human 
people running through 
corridors as if totally lost 
the brain. They then tried low degrees 
of electronically induced pain, following 
Grantley Dick-Reid’s discovery that la- 
bor pains could be reinterpreted as or- 
giastic tensions, and found tha 
little practice, subjects could tolerate rel- 
atively intense degrees of this stimulus— 
even though writhing and screaming 
quite unasl 
the doctor any sig 
The researchers also worked with a 24- 
speaker, 360-degree sound system that s 
rounded the subject with stereo music of 
ihe stiongest emotional impact played 
from 24-track tapes. They had mech; 
for atomizing all kinds of perfu 
a natural flower scents and the bi 
icent aromas of gardens, fields and forests. 
They used exquisite and innocently per- 
formed erotic movies, filmed kaleidoscop- 
ic patterns of jewels and of iridescent 
whorls of weaving smoke d mock-ups 
of unbelievably vast temples and palaces 
rich with Fretted screens and polychrome 
‘The subject would be 
aurally, olfactorily and kinestheti 
through their 
dens, gallerie: 
the accomp: 
norous trumpets, 
bells and gongs and unearthly chants and 
hymns, until the journey reached its 
climax in a holy of holies where he might 


be confronted with a remarkably beau 
tiful goddess or a colossal aurcole of rich 
and brilliant light into which he would 
be finally absorbed—to find himself soar- 
ing bod clear-blue sky, lik 
sea gull. Sometimes they accompanied thi 
climax with electrical stimulation of the 
pleasure centers of the brain. 

It should be noted that, through all 
this, the gadgeny was, as far as possible, 
installed in a separate room, away from 
the subject, who lay in a spacious neutral 
chamber with walls that could be deco- 
ted in any way desired by light projec 
tion. Those who volunteered for a course 
of this treatment discovered that their 
responses to the ordinary, everyday vi- 
bration system were radically changed. 
Almost all uptightness had disappeared, 
for they had learned how to reinterpret 
and actually dig the vibratory sensations 
hitherto called anxiety, fear, grief, de- 
pression, shame, guilt and a considerable 


Te was as if the science of ele 
had thus far just been waiting for some- 
thing important to do. From every con- 
tinent, electronic bulls got in touch with 
Roseman ns 
and requests for information 
only a few months before similar labora- 
s were set up in cities all over the 
world. Shortly afterward, such corpora- 
tions as Bell Telephone and Varian 
Associates began to design miniaturized 
versions of the equipment, which could 
be mass-produced, so that by 1979 it had 
become the major technique for psycho- 
therapy and a large research center for 
the two doctors was established at Castalia 
University. 

The general effect was tha 
came to be recognized as a sickne: 
alcoholism or paranoia, so that more and 
more people began to be increasingly 
comfortable in a world where truth and 
reality were far less rigidly defined. They 
stopped looking for rocks on which to 
stand and foundations for building their 
lives, dropping all such metaphors of 
fortification and stony solidity. They re- 
alized that the world, the vibration sys 
tem, is more airy and liquid than solid 
id they reacted to it as swimmers, sail 
ors and airmen rather than as kindlub- 
hers. They found security in letting go 


rather than in holding on and, in so 


25 centuries nese 
ao-tu and Chuang-tzu had called 
it wu wei, which is perhaps best trans- 
lated as “action without forcing." It is 
sailing im the stream of the Tao, or 
course of nature, and navigating the cur- 
rents of li (organic pattern)—a word 
that or the 
markings 

As this attitude spread and prevailed 
in the wake of Vibration Training, people 


became more and more indulgent about 
eccentricity in life style, tol 
and religious differences and 
ous in exploring unusual 
Present time became more impor 
than future time, on the reasoning that 
there is no point in making plans for the 
future if you can't fully enjoy their г 
sults when they, in turn, become part of 
the present. By and large, we stopped 
rushing and found that with less haste, we 
had more speed, since rushing sets up a 
whole multitude of antagonistic vibra- 
tions. We got out of uptight clothes— 
trousers, girdles, neckties, hard shocs and 
other contraptions for trussing and bind- 
ing the body, as if to say, "Now you really 
exist and will not fall a We shifted 
into every variety of colorful sarong. 
kimono, sari, сабап, burnoose and pon- 
cho and wore them on the strects and for 
business. We equipped our homes with 
panese bathtubs or saunas, 
at and relaxed after the 
work. These tubs were made so th: 
six people could sit with hot water up to 
their necks; and, of course, one did not 
wash in the tub itself but took a shower 
first. Several of my [riends in California 
had them back in 1968, but now they're 
everywhere. 

‘Absence of rush gave us a very new 
and different approach to sexual rela- 
ions. You must understand that despite 


adventur- 


u 
the ecological crisis of the Seventies, 
technology gave us an enormous amount 
ol leisure, By 1985, there were no longer 
nine-to-five jobs. The whole world began 
to run on Greenwich mean time and 
work hours today are staggered through- 
d, amo 
а weck—unless, of 


to about ten hour 
course, опе is an enthusiast for doctor 


ing, enginee ic research or 
carpentry, in which case he can work as 
long as he likes. Under these circum- 
stances, we no longer speak of sexual 
relations as sleeping or going 10 bed with 
someone. After all, why wait until you're 
tired? Furthermore, late-night ог early- 
morning sex in bed tends to restrict the 
relationship to simple fucking, so that 
the whole thing is over in from two to 
twenty minutes. Men in a hurry to prove 
—what? 

We take our time. The man and the 
woman take tums to manage the осса- 
sion, the one acting as servant of the 
other (although this is no rigid. pattern 
and the arrangement may also be mu- 
tual). One begins by serving his beloved 
a light but exquisite meal, which is usual- 
ly eaten from a low table surrounded 
with large floor cushions, It should be 
explained that today most men know 
how to cook and that for many years 
people have been keeping their legs lim- 
ber by sitting on the floor. For the 
the couple wear loose and lu 
clothes and often the cooking is done at 
the table over an electric Permacoal 


dinary charcoal fire. As is now customary 239 


(and, I should add, quite legal) 
water pipe is brought to the table 
the meal for the smoking of marijuana 
or hashish, since it is now recognized 
that any alcohol other Шап light wine or 
beer is not conducive to sexual cestasy. 
o as not to interfere with conversa- 
tion during the meal, music is not played 
until the pipe is brought. Vibration 
Training has abolished mere background 
music and it is now considered extremely 
Бай taste not to listen whenever music is 
played. The music may be recorded, but 
scmetimes one or two friends, or even 
the children of the couple, come in at 
this time with instruments and play for 
an hour or so while the pipe is smoked: 
and, after the serving partner clears the 
table, the couple adjourn to the bath for 
showers and a half-hour soak in the big 
tub. The serving partner then gives his 
or her companion a complete massage on 
a special pad provided in the bathroom. 
(Toilet facilities, 1 should note, are al- 
ys in a separate room.) While the one 
who has received the masage takes a 
short rest, the other Jays out a thick, 
fold-up floor pad by the table, setting 
beside it а basket of flowers, a box of 
jewels and a make-up kit. Sometimes а 
of tall candlesticks is placed at each 
end of the pad and incense, in a burner 
with a Jong wooden handle, is set on the 
table. 

The other person is then 
naked, fram the hathroom and st 
the pad, and he or she is then 
with jewels—usuelly an elaborate (but 
nonscratchy) necklace with matching wrist 
and ankle bracelets. The incense burner 
is lifted by its handle and used to perfume 
the hair and, thereafter, makeup is ap- 
plied decoratively and imaginatively to 
the eyes, lips and forehead, and often to 
other parts of the body. The forehead, for 
ample, is usually adorned with a small 
hird eye” design such as is used among 
Hindu dancers. Flowers are then set in 
the hair and, perhaps, hung around the 
neck in the form of a lei. The serving 
artner usually puts on his or her own 
dorments immediately alter the mas 

sage, during the rest. 

Both are now seated on the pad, fac 
ing cach other. One of the benefits of 
Vibration Training is that it allows almost 
everyone to have a good singing voice, 
for the blocks against producing a clear 
tone have been removed. ‘Therefore, it is 
now quite usual for lovers to sing to 
cach other, with a hummed chant or 
with articulate words, sometimes using a 
guitar or a Jute. It is thus that, before 
bodily contact begins, they caress cach 
other with their eyes while singing. 
people prefer, at this time, to play s 
games as checkers, dominoes or ten- 
second chess, the winner haying the privi- 
lege of proposing any form of sexplay 
desired. From this point on, almost any- 
thing goes, though the mood established 

240 by the preparations is often conducive to 


PLAYBOY 


escorted, 


sual intercourse 


a long, slow form of 
wherein the couple remain joined for an 
hour or more with very litte motion, 
keeping the pre-orgasmic tension as high 
as possible without aiming, at the release 
of climax. I realize that, in 1970, 
most men would consider this ritual 
fected and ridiculous and term the whole 
5 а good honest fuck spoiled. Look 
ing back, i azing to realize how 
conscious we were of our barbarity, ou 
atrocious manners, our slipshod cooking, 
our uncomfortable clothes and our ab- 
surdly graceless and limited sex acts. 
Something more should be said about 
our use of psychedelics. Today these sub- 
5 are given the same kind of re 
at has always been accorded to 
the very finest French wines. Anyone, for 
example, who smokes them throughout 
the day is regarded as а crude guzzler 
incapable of appreciating their benefits, 
They are not used at ordinary parties 
amid chitchat and gossip but only under 
circumstances in which the fullest atten- 
tion may be given to the changes in con- 
sciousness that they confer. Thus, they 
are taken more as religious sacraments 
than as kicks, though today our religious 
attitudes ате not pious or sanctimonious, 
since only very ignorant people now 
think of God as the cosmic stuffed shirt 
in whose presence no laughter is allowed. 
I well remember the first great hemp 
shop that was opened in San Francisco 
around 1976. It was essentially a long 
wooden bar with stools for the custom- 
ers. On the bar itself. were a few large 
rocks containing the basic and cheaper 
forms of the weed—Panama Red, Acapul- 
со Gold, Indian Ganja and Domestic 
Green, But against the wall behind the 
bar stood а long cabinet furnished with 
hundreds of small drawers that a local 
gui maker had decorated with intri- 
cate ivory inlays in the Italian style. 
Fach drawer carried a label indicating 
the precise ficld and year of the prod- 
uct, so that one could purchase all the 
different varieties from Mexico, Leb: 
non, Morocco, Egypt, India and Viet- 
nam, as well as the carefully tended 
plants of devout Cannabinologists here 
at home. Business was conducted with 
leisure and courtesy and the salesmen 
offered small samples for testing at the 
r, along with sensitive and expert d 
cussion of their spe 
add that the stronger psychedelics, such 
as LSD, were coming to be used only 
rarely—for psychotherapy, for retreats in 
religious institutions and іп our special 
hospitals for the dy 
‘These latter became common after 
about 1978, when some of the students 
of Roseman and Kotowari realized that 
the sensation of dying could be reinter- 
preted cestatically as total self-rcleasc. As 
a result, death became an occasion for 
congratulations and rejoicing. After all, 


ba 


"You only die once" (as the slogan 
went) and if death is as proper and 
natural as birth, it is absurd not to make 
the most of it. Fven today, the science of 
trics is far from conferring phy: 
йу, though it is increasingly 
common for people to pass their 100th or 
cven 150th birthdays. Our hospitals for 
the dying are the work of our most imagi- 
native architects and are set about with or- 
chards and flower gardens, fountains and 
and we have utterly forsaken thc 
nd hollow rituals of mid-century 
morticians. Even the young have been 
taught to contemplate without creeps 
nd shudders the prospect of their anni- 
hilation, by means of exposure—in the 
course of Vibration Training—to intense 
light and sound, followed by total dark- 
ness and silence, 

‘And we now һауе something complete- 
іу new. You will remember that in 1969, 
Dr. Joseph Weber of the University of 
Maryland discovered and measured grav- 
ity waves. This led, іп 1982, to a method 
for polarizing the force of gravity that 
has revolutionized transportation, abol- 
ished smog and so redistributed pop- 
ulation that densely crowded cities по 
longer exist. Three physiciss—Conrad, 
Schermann and Grodzinski—found а 
way of polarizing a material similar to 
lead so as to give it a negative weight in 
proportion to its positive, or normal. 
weight. This material сап be attached to 
the back of a strong, wide belt, carrying 
also the requisite electronic equipment 
plus directional and volume controls, 
g the wearer to float off the 
ground or shoot high into the air. At low 
volume, one can take enormous strides, a 
mile long and 90 feet high at the peak, 
or float gently through valleys and over 
the tops of trees without rush or noise. 
At high volume and dressed а space 
suit, one can soar into outer space or 
ily at 300 miles an hour at 4000 
feet. Needless to say, every such outfit is 
equipped with a radar device that brings 
one to a hovering halt the moment there 
is any danger of collision. Much larger 
units of the leadlike material are at- 
ached to freight and senger aircraft, 
ud the silent case of vertical ascent and 
descent has freed us from all the hassle 
and inconvenience of the old airports. 

But we are not in a hurry. Asa result, 
negative gravitation has given us every- 
thing for which we envied the birds and 
it is much used for the sport of lolling 
about in the air, for skydiving and 
ing" on clouds and for 
reaching homes now built оп otherwise in- 
accessible mountaintops and in secluded 
valleys. You will remember the reports of 
the ecstasy of weightlessness given long 
ago by spacemen, sky- and skindives. 
Now this is available for everyone and 
we literally Hoat about our business. 
Toynbee foresaw, civilization has become 
ей; grass grows on the high: 


“Jane, darling, if I promise to stop biting my nails, will you let me get on top just once?” 


and earth has been relieved of all its 
concrete belts and patches. 

OF course, the main problem of the 
ecstatic life is comparable to fatigue in 
metals: It is impossible to remain at a 
k of ecstasy for a long time, even 
when the types of ecstasy are frequently 
varied. Furthermore, consciousness tends 
to repress or ignore a perpetual stimulus 
—such as the sea-level pressure of air on 
the skin. This has given us a new respect 
for mild asceticism. Since the ecological 
crisis, enormous numbers of people have 
aken to gardening and we cultivate 
fruits and vegetables on every scrap of 
arable land, using large Fuller domes as 
hothouses in winter, which itself is much 
nilder than it used to be, thanks to 
world-wide climate control, M ns are 
therefore up by six in the morning 
(your time), digging, hocing, weeding 
and pruning. At the same time, we eat 
much less in bulk and no longer expect 
disgustingly overloaded plates in restau- 
rants. Not only is our food more nutri 
tive bur we also find our stamina and 
muscle tonc much better for lack of 
stuffing ourselves. Despite the advantages 
of negative gravitation, we Е 
hike almost religiously, Гог our 
wealth of gardens, the landscape is worth 
seeing and the unpaved ground is casy 
on the fi Ample time and absence of 
rush likewise encourage pati 
highly skilled work in all types of art 
and craft, You would, I suppose, call us 
anatical hobbyists—a world of experts 
1 whatcver one loves to do, from athletics 
to zoology. 

We are much aware of little ccstasics. 
—the sensation of carving wood with a 
really sharp chisel, timeless absorption in 


making carpets as glowing as the finest 
Orientals, laying down and polishing 
parquet floors in various natural colors 
of wood, bottling dried herbs from the 
garden, unraveling tangled string, listen- 
g to wind bells made of sonor (a new 
and marvelously resonant metal), select 
ing and arranging painted tiles for a 
chessboard, expertly boning a fish, roast- 
ing chestnuts over charcoal in the eve- 
ning, combing a woman's hair or washing 
and massaging a friend's feet. As soon 
as we freed ourselves from the mirage 
of hurrying time was nothing 
more than the projedion of our own 
impatience—we were alive again, as in 
childhood, to the miracles and ecstasies 
of or . You would be astounded 
at the beauty of our homes, our furni- 
ture, our clothes and even our pots and 
s, for we have the time to make most 
of these things ourselves, and the sense 
of reality to sce that they—rather than 
money—constitute genuine wealth 

We also cultivate something oddly 
known as the ecstasy of ordinary con- 
sciousness—relaced, it would seem, to the 
Zen principle that “Your usual con- 
sciousness is Buddha,” meaning here the 
basic reality of life. We have become 
accustomed to living simultaneously on 
several levels of reality, some of which 
appear to be in mutual contradiction— 
as your physicists could regard the nuclc- 
us as both particle and wave. In youi 
time, the overwhelmingly orthodox view 
of the world was objective; you took 
things to be just as scientists described 
them, and we still give due weight to 
this point of view. Taken by itself, how- 
ever, it degrades man to a mere object: 


which 


It defines him as he is seen from outsi 
and so screens out his own inside vision 
of things. Therefore we also take into 
account the subjective, naive and child- 
like way of seeing life and give it at least 
equal status. It was, I think, first show 
by a British architect, Douglas Harding, 
i the early Sixties, that from 
this point of view, one has по head. 
The only directly perceptual content of 
the head, he wrote, especially through the 
eyes and cars—which are directed out- 
ward from the head—is everything ex- 
cept the head. Once this obvious but 
overlooked fact becomes clear, you no 
longer regard your head as the center of 
consciousness; you cease to be a central 
thing upon which experience is banging, 
scratching and being recorded, Thus, the 
center of awareness becomes one with all 
ves, You and the world become 
d this disappea 
sell is, to say the least, a blissful release. 
This way of interpreting reality does 
not contradict the scientific way any 
more than the colorlesness of a lens 
rejects the colors of flowers. On the con- 
чагу, it restores a whole dimension of 
value to life which your passion for objec- 
tivity neglected and, by comparison, your 
exclusively scientific universe seems a des- 
iccated, rattling and senseless mech 
Though it was self «entered, 
sense, it left out man himself. We have 
put him back—not as a definable object 
but as the basic and supreme mystery. 
And as the Dutch philosopher Aart van 
der Leeuw once put it, "The mystery of 
life is not a problem to be solved but 
reality to be experienced 


nce of on 


241 


PLAYBOY 


242 


DEALING (continued from page 182) 


for him to tell me something, 
how he knew all about me. 
“Tomorrow, punk,” he said, “tomor- 
row you're going to be in front of a 
judge and that judge is going to know 
you weren't very helpful And you're 
gonna get a felony for all your efforts, 
see? A big fat felony.” He held an open 
hand out to me and crushed the air, 
squeezing the felony, big and fat, “And 
you might even do some time for this 
one, Haikness, because society isn't going 
to put up with your kind of liberal shit 
anymore, you better believe that. We 
aren't going to put up with it forever— 
your drugs and your sick life and your 
disrupting and your crim. 
“Disrupting? Listen, 1 was trying to 
get some sleep when 
"Shut up,” the pig said. “You better 
learn to shut up. Harkness, and you 
hetter learn fast. Because when you get 
ош of here, all your cars and your mon- 
ey and your slick girlfriends aren't going 
to get this off your record, по matter 
how much you talk. You're going to have 
to explain this one, Harkness, eve 
where you go. Every time you try to get 
а job, you're going to have to do some 
ning, and сусгу time you apply for 
And no matter how much ex- 
ig you do, it’s never gonna ро 


secing аз 


He paused to catch his breath and 
shook his head at me. “Sure. Harkness 
he said viciously. "I know. Sometimes it 
happens, a good boy like you. Good 
ү. good education—you just slip up. 


and make one litde mistake, But you've 


made your mistake this time, see. Hark 
be explaining it 
for the rest of your life. The rest of your 
crummy life.” 

Deskman put out his cigarette in an 
ashtray next to me and I could smell the 
fumes when T said: “Well, it seems that 
everybody gets their kicks somehow.” 

With that, he stood up from behind 
the desk and I saw again how small he 
was. Beware the small man. He waved to 
his two henchmen. 

“АП right, boys, get I 
His face was strained; he was showing 
great forbearance. I stood up and he 
came over to me, until he was just a few 
inches away. I was half a head taller 
1 he was and he didn’t like that. 
You're a really funny guy, Harkness,” 
he said in a low voice. He began to 
speak slowly, but the words picked up as 
he went. “A real funny guy, a joker, a 
all. I bet all your friends think 
and a knowitall, 


m out of here.” 


And with that, suddenly, he kneed me 
in the groin. It was very quick and I 
coughed and bent over, leaning on the 
desk. 

"You're scum,” 


the pig said. “And 


we're going to break you and your kind 
of scum, curb you like dogs, so that 
decent people don't have to step in your 
shit. So decent people don't even have to 
look see, kness? So that they 
won't even have to know you're there.” 

and I coughed 


And he knced me ард 


pack of cigarettes falling out and spread- 
ng like white splinters over the floor. 
"The pig gave a final snort and walked 
out, leaving me doubled over in the 
chair, trying to get my breath. When 
1 finally looked up, I saw a cigarette 
being offered. Crewcut held it out, look- 
ing sort of embarrassed to be offering me 
a smoke but too embarrassed not to. The 
other cop was trying not to look at 
anything, peering out into the outer 
olficc.. 

I took the butt and Crewcut lit it. 
After a drag or two, I felt a little better. 
The pain was sliding away. I wiped the 
tears from the comers of my eyes. 
“That’s a man the force can be proud 
of," I said. 

Crewcut looked 
a couple of tim 
about all this,’ 

“1 noticed,” 
Ua 

"Murphy feels strongly about these 
g said aga “нс 
thought he could find ош lot more 
from you th . He couldn't, so 
that's that 

And then it hit me, full in the face. 

Murphy?" 

Crewcut and 
glances. 

I said, “Lieutenant Murphy, old FBI 
шап, now а с?” 

The two of them stood up. It was time 
to go. 

"Didn't he used to work in Boston?” I 
said. 

"He still does, kid. He's out her 
lowing up a smack case. No 
door 
ам. АП the way down- 
I began to understand. 

Lieutenant John L. Murphy was a 
famil me in Boston and а house- 
hold word in Cambridge. Nare sq 
sually distinguished only by their 
itatingly obvious presence—you see а 
y guy wearing white socks and you 
know he's a narc—but Murphy had been 
doing his danmedest to change the im- 
age. He was tough, fast and imaginative. 
He was also a screaming sadist and а 
crook. 

There were a lot of stories about him, 
but Pd never taken them too seriously. 
When somebody on the street tells you 
about a nare who busts people single- 
, makes deals with them, takes 
ad th 


ained and swallowed 
Iurphy feels strongly 
hie said. 

1 said. “Is he ab 


ys like 


the butcher exchanged. 


fol- 


And I was out th 
the olfice very 


st 


them over 
well, 
mean, the image is а bit too desirable to 
be true. Everybody wants a good reason 
to hate cops. They're the enem 

I was converted when Murphy busted 
Super Spade. Super Spade was a loping, 
agile, goodtime funky beautiful dude 
whose face had been glowing in Harvard 
Square for years, long before the college 
boys had even heard of dope. Super was 
sort of the grand old man of the street 
Everybody liked him and everybody was 
unhappy when he got busted. 

After he got out on bail, he went over 
to see John to borrow some bread for a 
lawyer. And he blew our minds when he 
told us the story, because it was like all the 
other Murphy stories. Murphy had busted 
him alone; the warrant was in order; and 
Super had been caught holding 
ks. So far, so good. Then Murpl 
n talking about how much Super's 
cight bricks were worth and how much 
time he'd probably draw for that kind of 
quantity possession. And Super finally 
made the connection and suggested that 
perhaps he and Murphy could work 
something out. 

Which they proceeded to do. Super 
came up with 300 bucks, cash, and laid it 
on Murphy. After that, Murphy, having 
already handcuffed him, beat the shit 
out of him—and then took him in. Next 
uper found out he had three 
gainst him: possession of m: 
ting arrest and attempting to 
bribe an officer. When he asked the 
judge how much the bribe had been, the 
judge told him 

So far, it seemed like Murphy was just 
another rough cop, playing it a rough 
But also in Super’s apartment 
glass jar with 500 acid flats. Super hadn't 
mentioned them to Murphy, but he 
found when he got home that the flats 
were gone. And soon after that. a friend 
in Roxbury had told the 


1 turns them in anyway— 


that's a little hard to believe. J 


all sorts of good acid around and 
ight smoking dope. 

nyway, people had been telling these 
stories for a long time and it was getting 
harder to simply dismiss them as street 
jive. The strect people were unanimously 
in favor of taking Murphy apart, of bust- 
ing his ass good. Partly because he'd 
become something of a legend and some- 
thing of a symbol—but mostly beca 


he had crossed the line and was playing 
dirty. 
A rough-and-tough cop he could be, 
4 


and for that he would be ha nel 
respected. But as a thief with a badge, a 
guy who broke the rules and regulations 
we all play by, as that kind of person he 
could never last. 


At least everyone hoped not. 
Walking down what seemed like 
miles of endless corridors, our footsteps 


T 


"General Electric beat him out on his death 
тау and. he's simply furious!” 


243 


PLAYBOY 


244 


echoing, I sai 
a key. 

Sukie laughed. 

It was close to midnight and the build- 

ng around us was silent. The walls were 
a litre Jike jail: the 
building reminded me of an institution. 

“It used to be welfare offices or some- 
thing.” she said, “before it was sold and 
converted.” 

"Cheery," I said. 

“Te gets better,” 

As we passed them, she showed me the 
es for the performers. They looked 
airport lounges or something. sort 
of plush but impersonal. Very sound- 
proofed. E suddenly began to notice how 
леу as sound- 


"Fm surprised you have 


proofed. 
Then we came into another room, 
marked тошо л. Shock: [t like a 


heavy living room. Persian carpets on 
the floor, hangings on the walls, colors 
and textures. “Like a very nice cat house,” 
1 said. 

“Clow.” she said. And out came а 
joint. She lit up as 1 wandered round 


Ше room. There were microphones 
everywhere and a stand for guitars and 


piano in the comer. I sat down at the 
piano. 

“Do you р she s: 
1 shook my head. 
“You play anything? 
I shook my head and plunked out 
chopsticks. She laughed and them said: 
“Stay there.” and left the room. I walked 
round, breathing im the luxury, and 
then began to drift into the sense of 
working with my group, the cigarettes 
nd the quiet talk and everybody getting 
together, getting their heads and fingers 
loosened 

“Hello.” she said. Her voice was fun- 
ny. E turned around and saw the drapes 
pulling back to reveal a glass wall and 
her behind the glass staring in at me. 
The lights in the other room were over- 
head, harsh and funny. 1 could see the 
room was filled with recording equip- 
nent, decks and spools and dials and 
consoles; she was we phones. A 
se: There was 


de 


Mash on the mechanical s 
money in all this and manufactured 
products, industry just like everywhere 
else. The flash faded, She made a gesture 
for me to go toward the microphone 

I tapped it. “Is this thing working? 
I heard my own voice, from speakers 
mounted somewhere in the room. It was 
working. 

“We, uh, just want to pl 
numbers that we know well, 
we've never played together Бек 

She knew where that line came from 
and she smiled. I began to get into it. 

“My name is uh, Lucifer Hark- 
ness——" 

Something happened. The voice w 
rbling as it came back to me. She 
licking buttons. 1 laughed. “What're you 
dein 


y a few 
because 


Now it was echoing, “Doing to me, to 
10 me. me." 
, well, actually" 
his time it was thin. high, squeaky, 
with the tone of а cert тогу. It 
startled me. “This is getting to be a dia 
I said. I wanted to play something, now 
was the perfect time to be able to do it, 
but 1 didn't know how. It was finally hit- 
ting home, the foolishness of it, that 1 
couldn't even do simple chords on a 
guitar, I couldn't do anything. Hopeless. 
T began to get depressed and she must 
have sensed it, because she suddenly 
came around, opening the studio door, 
and led me out of ther 
“Ws because the place is deserted, she 
тіріу buildings are always дерг 
She smiled and squeezed my hand. 


пи 


ring next day 
with me, I had a clean shirt and tie on 
and 1 stood up straight for the judge. 
She sat in the back of the hearing roon 
I glanced back once to look at her 
judge asked me if my legal rights 
had been properly attended to, since I 
didn't have a public defender by my 
side. I didn't mention to the judge that 
I'd been through thar whole riff before 
and it was a Шар, becuse the P.D. 
doesn't give a screw about what happens 
to you, he just wants to look good in 
front of the judge. So I told the judge 
that everything had been taken care of 
but that in this instance, 1 preferred to 
defend myself. The judge looked a little 
amused and a little pleased at that and 
told me to proceed. 

My defense was pretty weak, but logi- 
cal. It included such helpful hints as the 
fact that E was scheduled to leave Са 
fornia the next day. providing I didn’t 
get hung up in jail thus costing the 
good LIX 1 expense. I also 
said that Thad no relationship with the 
primary defendant in the case. іс. the 
lid of dope, and that 1 considered it a 
freak accident thar did nor merit my 
bearing the weight of its consequences 
any more than I already had. 

The judge replied that 1 had a sharp. 
clever and discerning mind but that I 
obviously knew nothing about the law. 
Which, he added, meant nothing, since 
all charges had been dropped by the 
D. A/'s office, and if I would speak to the 
clerk before leaving the courtroom, I was 
free to go. 

I was pleasantly dazed. I thanked the 
judge, who told me not to thank him, 
and I let. 


T 


ughed as we walked out the 
doar 

The next day, we went up to Tilden, 
yery carly, to watch the sun come up 
over Ше bay. It was cold and dark when 
arrived and we huddled under a 
blanket, drinking Red Mount 1 
feeling the diy warmth spread ош: 


we 


From the top of the ridge vou could sce 

ing—Oakland and Berkel 

nd Richmond and Mt. T 
in the distance. 

Later on, when we got back that after 

I found Musty in the kitchen 

ist seen him. "Listen. man.” 

I'm sorry about Lou. He's a 

liule speedy, you know. Bad scene. Does 

up three bags a da 


“What the hell.” I said, feel mag 
n Past te 
took a knife and sliced the 


bricks to show me how clean they cut 
No rocks. no they were righteous 
keys. We soaked them in Coca-Cola for 
a minute, so that they wouldn't smell 
too bad, and then put them into my 
aluminum-lined suitcase with the double 
locks, The ten bricks fit very nicely 

Sukie took me to the airport. We 


stood around under a billboard that read 
GET AWAY FROM IT ALL and made сай 
other uncomfortable until th an 


nounced that my flight was boarding. 
She kissed me. "Will I see you 

She stopped. 
“Sure,” I said, squeezing her 
1. Soon as possible. 


st and Boston 
ams, complete 
with an enormous paranoia about depar- 
ture scenes and weeping chicks. 

“When will I sce you?" Very calmly. 

“TI call as soon as my 
ove 

Then E had to hust!e for the plane 
She'd said she woud watch from. the 
observation deck, but by the time 1 was 
buckled into my seat. the sun wa 
gone and I couldn't sec her at all. 


nd wet roads 


exams a 


At the airport, the crowds of sere 
fans were lined up to greet the sens: 
tional new rock sensation, Lucifer Hark- 
ness, and his greasy back-up group, The 
New Administration. Hinkness stepped 
off the plane, resplendent in velvet bell- 
bottoms and a black-leather Tl 


; hom 


behind thick purple shades he could see 
the crowd going wild. They broke through 
d 


the cordons and fought off the cops a 
ran screaming for him. 

He felt a thousand. hands 
him, clutching at his clothes, 
them off hi covering 1 
kisses, pulling at his balls, biting his 
neck affectionately, and it was delirious 
and wonderful for several minutes before 
the cops came down on the kids and 
broke it up, and then Reggie Thorpe, 
the manager, got the 
and they made it to the w 

As the Rolls pulled away, there were 
hundreds of screaming teenies all lined 
up on the road out of the airport. Some 
of them threw themselves in front of the 
stopping it, while others scratched at 
and kissed it, all of them 
We want to ball Lucifer, we 


touch 


together 


x Rolls. 


We have some 
great indoor 
shows, too. 


ғ ; p 
7 p (Е > 
| А? | Harrah's 
Ё, men RENO AND LAKE TAHOE 


COMING TO TAHOE COMING TO RENO 
cial 3 day/2 night package deal 
Includes room, dinner, tour, 
drinks, shows — the works. $38.50 per person. Ask 
your Travel Agent, 


PLAYBOY 


y 


- It makes 


FOR STUDENTS OR 
APARTMENT PEOPLE 


The Quadraflex Q-4's bass speaker produces as much bass as a smallish room can handle and the 2-way design of 
these acoustic suspension speakers delivers all the rest of the music with all details intact. You need a fairly large. 
room to sustain really low bass notes, so why get speakers which can produce notes you won't hear in your listening 
room? The rest of the system also makes perfect sense. The Spectrosonic 100 receiver has enough power to enable 
the Q-4 speakers to sound just as good as possible can in an apartmentsized room (it's rated at 100 watts 
(+ 1db.) And the AM/FM stereo tuner section is as good as you could possibly want. The Spectrosonic 100 also has 
most of the really nice convenience features like interstation muting which cuts out all the noise between FM stations 
when you tune. Finally, the Garrard SL-55B automatic record-player has the convenience of a cueing lever which 
gently puts the needle of the ADC 220X cartridge on the record for you, and a synchronous motor which keeps 
records spinning at the right speed no matter what. It's $299.95 including Pacific Stereo's written five year guarantee 
covering all repair costs for three years, a checkout, a saving of $62. off Pacific's normal discount and a one year 
speaker trial. If you want it, you can choose the payment plan you like. 


FOR BASS FANS 
WITH A LARGE ROOM 


1f you've got a large enough room and you like 
the bass player’s lowest notes, that’s what you 
get from the 2-way Quadraflex 0-3 speakers. Each 
walnut cabinet contains a 10" acoustic suspension 
bass speaker and a 3" treble speaker, and the 
result is clear sound and deep bass. If you like 
bass, you need power and the 170 watt (+ db.) 
Spectrosonic 200 receiver has the ability to 
deliver a good amount when the bass player needs 
it. The AM/FM stereo tuner section is out- 
standing and with the increased power you also 
get a few more of the nice convenience features 
stereo component manufacturers put on their 
equipment. The Garrard SL-65B automatic re- 
cord-player has every desireable record and needle- 
saving device and an unerring synchronous motor. 


FOR EVER 


The 3-way design of the Quadraflex О-2 speakers enables them to handle a wide range of music from very loud to 
very soft. And since much of music’s excitement comes from changes in sound levels the Q-2's bring you closer to 
musical realism. The 10” acoustic suspension bass speaker goes down slightly tarther than a bass player can and the 
6” mid-range and 3” treble speaker do a first-rate job on everything else. When you have speakers that can handle 
а wide range from loud to soft, you need an amplifier with a lot of power to reap the benefits. The Spectrosonic 300 
receiver fits the bill perfectly. It's rated at a colossal 260 watts (+ 1db.) and has enough power to accommodate 
virtually any of the great speakers on the market. So if and when your tastes become more sophisticated, you'll be 
able to upgrade your speakers without obsoleting the rest of the system. The AM/FM stereo tuner section is as good 
as сап be and the “top-of-the-line” Spectrosonic 300 has just about every convenience feature you'd want. The 
Garrard SL-72B automatic record-player is capable of absolutely flawless record reproduction. In addition to having 
everything you and your records need, its oversized platter makes slightly warped records playable. The installed 
ADC 220X cartridge does perfect justice to whatever's on your records. This highly flexible and great sounding 
system goes for $499.95. You get Pacific's written 5 year guarantee providing for three years of costless se 
@ system checkout, a one year speaker trial privilege, a saving of $100 off Pacific Stereo’s usual discount. Pick 
whatever pay ment plan you want. 


It comes with an ADC 220X cartridge installed 
for you. This music system goes for $399.95 
including all of Pacific Stereo's normal niceties 
like a written five year guarantee covering all 
repairs for three years, a system check-out, а 
one year speaker trial, and a saving of $59 off 
Pacific's usual discount. If you've got something „ш 
to trade, bring it with you. al 


PACIFIC 
SCEREO 


ONE ed 
за: JS — ANS 
черетеп моего стое 


LEJO) 


| 0» 


LEJON 


Glan LAG 


Mang 
Mo BOTTLED By LEJON CHAMPAGNE CEU 
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIF. B. W. 22 


DT 
"m AND BOTTLED By LEJON CHAMPAC 
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIF. B. W- 2 


The great vermouth you can actually afford to drink. 


Its not too late 


to give a РІ 


... and to know your friends will receive 
aKey to the widening world of Playboy 
by Christmas Eve! That's right, if your 
order is received by December 21, we 
will announce it to those special men 
on your Christmas list by December 24. 
And the price is only $30! 


Here is his passport to an exciting 
world available only at our 17 fabulous 
Playboy Clubs” (see list below), our two 
Club-Hotels at Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, 
and Jamaica, as well as our two new 
Hotels—The Playboy Towers in Chi- 
cago and the Playboy Plaza in Miami 
Beach. (A great $20,000,000 Club-Hotel 
is scheduled to open next year at Great 
Gorge, New Jersey.) You can give him 
all this, plus... 

The key to adventure. Your friends 
will enjoy the plush surroundings . - . 
gourmet wining and dining . . . finest 
entertainment... . country-club benefits 
and activities . . . plus the loving care 
from Playboy's famous Bunnies. 


To: PLAYBOY CLUBS INTERNATIONAL, IN 
Gentlemen, 

In the spirit of the holícoy seoson, | would like 10 order The Work 
friend. Tho git is $30 $30 Coradion in Canada, the сез of the 
то a Floyboy Club Key ond VIF, the Club magazine, he wil! aho r 


7 9W N. Michigan 


lor the Floyboy Bar Selection at any U.S. lor Согофог! Club, excent for Clubs locoted in Coli 


ұғ A 


VIP for a year! Each new key- 
holder receives a one-year subscrip- 
tion to VIP magazine (the Clubs" 
quarterly). With it, he gete redemption 
certificates that can be presented each 
month for 12 consecutive issues of 
PLAYBOY at most U.S. Clubs and in 
Montreal (certificates may not be re- 
deemed in California and Michigan 
Playboy Clubs). 


And when he entertains at home 
... he will still enjoy the famed Playboy 
Club atmosphere, because your gift in- 
cludes a certificate entitling him to the 
famous Playboy Bar Selection —a com- 
plete, fun-for-all party outfit that in- 
cludes eight 12-0z. Rabbit-crested 
glasses; eight 7-oz. Rabbit-crested 
glasses; 16 black vinyl bar coasters; 50 
Rabbit Head bar stirrers; 100 Rabbit 
Head cocktail picks: 250 Playboy Club 
napkins; and a deluxe four-piece rose- 
wood and stainless-steel bar tool set. 


Ave. Chicago, Wings 6061 


ayboy Club Key. 


Act now . . . for just $30 (it's an 
excellent business gift and is tax de- 
ductible to the extent provided by law), 
you'll give an embossed paseport to the 
widening world of Playboy—which be- 
comes more and more valuable as the 
Playboy world grows. Order your gift 
Keys before December 21, and we can 
assure the announcement of your gifts 
by Christmas Eve. So do it now (this 
offer expires January 31, 1971), and 
we'll help you welcome your friends 
the first time—and every time—they 
enter a Playboy Club. 


Recipies Name 


2 cenilicote redeemable 


‘please panii 


Tomio and Michigar. 1 olso understand thot he will not be billed lor the Annual Key Fee Icurrenily. ER 

$6 US. $6 Conodion) unl Ihe end о! his first yeor єз o keyholcer 

Enclosed is о check lor $, for ‚Playboy Club Gifts; ow 

or chorge 10 my credit Key по. = CHECK APPROPRIATE BOXES 

O В! me tater | 

My Nowe езер! E) Send information on the gilt only. 
Мен 


Gilt cord to reod from 


[Û | wish to present the gift perscnaliy. Send the unsigned gift cord 10 me. 


БЕП Zip 


Use seperate sheet af paper lo arder additional sift Keys. 


[ Send the gil cord ond certlicate for Һа Playboy Bor Selection to the recipient. 


== 


KEYHOLDERS MAY DIAL A BUNNY FOR SPEED! 
+ Chicogo 1312 544-3010 + Cincinnati (513 241 BEBO - 
ІМоуібіг 64681 + Lox Angeles 1213 657-5050) 
1314 52.4700) ~ Son Froncisco 1415 434-2550) 


Denver 303 272-1300) 
* Mimi (305 781-7543 


+ Jomoica (974 


м 1313 962.0011 
+ Montreal (514 28851811 ~ New Oriecns 


то 1404 325-4620) 
2220 > Korsas City 1818 421-5080» Lote 
1504 523-8000 - 


~ Beltinore 1301 837. 1111) 


New York 12127823100 + Phoenix {602 264-4314) - St. louis 


PLAYBOY 


246 


want to ball Lucifer." And Lucifer was 
thinking to himself what ап unbeliev- 
ably tedious chore it would be to crack all 
of those hundreds of prepubescent cher- 
ry stones when the guy sitting next to 
him jabbed him in the side 

“Hey, lookit dat. buddy. Nice pussy.” I 
politely looked over a hamssized forearm 
to sce a thin, wasted-looking chick with a 
shaved twat lying guilelessly across the 
centerfold of Suburban Jaybird. 

“Nice,” I said, Nice, my ass. The chick 
was about as ugly as they come, especial- 
ly without her hair. Hair was mystery, ii 
was sex, it was funky and greasy and it 
ngled when you made love. 

“Howdja like to fuck her?" he said, 
holding up another picture. 

I shrugged, The woman behind us on 
the M. B. T. A. car was doing her best to 
let us know that she w t with indig- 
nation, She was ma 1 cough 
sounds. Out the window. gray and 
was the Boston skyline. 

7I like 7 D said. Bel 
me, I heard the sharp intake of breath 
from the woman, 


My companion turned around and 
shot her a cold look, then turned back to 
his magazin 
reverential 


he said in a 
there's one 


“Holy Jeez 
tone. “Lookit. 


Now, there's a пісе 


4. 


Рак 
Shorts 
rles Street. 
to the end 


Unlortunately, he got oll at 


Street, leaving me alone with Mr: 
t Ch 


behind me. She gor off 
1 took the subway all the 
of the line, Harvard Square. 

Shooting out into Harvard Square 
from the bowels of the M. B. T. A. was 
bout as much fun as having a tooth 
pulled without Novocain. I always felt 
that way when I got back from the Coast, 
but somehow 1 was never prepared for 
Because as much of a drag 
return, T always figured that 
would he nothing more than that—a 
turn. And so the ensuing culture 
shock, the numbing of mind and body 
that was only later understood to be 
Boston's charming way of 
come back, always caught me by surp 

And what a surprise. A surprise 
pped in thick, heavy air, dimly 
opaque light, trimmed with an ineffable, 
oppressive sense of guilt. The air in the 


would be te 


Dut it was there just the same and readi- 
ly assented to by all on the strect. 

The street. White pasty bodies and 
ліпу 


in; 
comni 


men, moving only when the sign 
ded them to wark. Old ladies 
sneered at passersby and cabbies looked 
hot and sullen. Three-pieced professors 
sneaked across the street, clutching their 


“Same here—the only way I can make it is by 
selling a little pol on the side.” 


topheavy wives like illicit Government 
secrets, and paranoid pristine fags parad 
ed poodles past shattered wines bum- 
ming dimes. Truck drivers whistled at 
towny cunts and зай, stooped teaching 
fellows picked their noses and read the 
Daily Flash in 93 languages 

I went acios the strect to Nini’s to get 
some cigarettes and cut my way through 
the prepubescent mob outside. The guys 
slouched against the walls, sucking өп 
toothpicks or nicotine sticks. scratching 
their crotches stealthily and yelling at 
the chicks. The chicks were all over the 
place. big flowsy broads in high school 
jackets topped by mounds of t 
chewing the life out of huge wads of 
gum and swinging their pocketbooks a 
the more adventurous guys; all the time 
shrieking like cats in heat, shrieking and 
laughing and again swinging their pock 
etbooks. It was 100 much. 

Inside Nini's. the adultsonly versi 
of the same movie was going on, fe 
ing fat, powdered women engrossed i 
multicolored tabloids (^I | 
oflife baby by another n 


ad the 
usual mob of skinny, haunted men in 


ant") a 


the back of the store, tirelessly leaf- 
ing through the skin mags. Jesus, wi 
all these poor bastards needed was a good 
ау, 1 thought. And a good lay they'd 
never get—not in Boston, anyway. 

I went down Dunster Street, ра 
yoke Genter and over toward the Houses. 
It was quieter there and there wasn't any 
пабе and the trees had tiny flecks of 
green at the tips. Spring was get 
foot in the door and it suddenly didn’t 


to Jerry, who wanted to know all about 
my Jerry was the superintend- 
ent, a cheerful, sly Irishman who would 
talk your ear off, given half a chance, 
besides being a stickler for rules, espe- 
cially those concerning women in the 
rooms. But Jerry understands those who 
understand him, so for a few hows of 
conversation per term and a couple of 
bottles of rye on the Savior's birthday. 
Jerry is the most amenable and consider- 
te super in the college. Hello. Jerry 
‘Then up to E entry and John's room 
on the first floor. John has a sign on the 
door that reads: 


SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND 


John finds this amusing, since his chicks 
think he means the иш, while he 
means the chicks. The door opened to 
's lovely form. “How'd it 


she said, 

I was tempted to ask her the same 
thing, seeing as how she was decked out 
in one of John's bathrobes. But all I 


aud 


Fine" and went in and sat dow 


was 
John called from the bedroom: © 
you. Pete?” 


“Yeah.” 
“из a minute 
Sandra was looking 


and 


chic 


very 


wealthily whorish as she put a record on 
the turntable and sar down across from 
me. She crossed her legs in the extraordi- 
nary way she has of crossing her legs. 
languidly, with a lazy shot of the bush ii 
the process. Nothing offered, of coursc. 
but if she knew you and liked you, she 
ігі mind letting you know her snatch 
1 still there. 

“How'd it go?" she said again. 
Fine,” 1 said again. 

“You look bushed.” 

“Lam,” I said. 

‘Then John came out, wearing his 
other bathrobe. He has two Brooks fou 
int bathrobes. One is several sizes 
1I for him and he tells the girls it 
was a present to him from his grand- 
mother, But it's handy for the girls. John 
is well organized about that sort of 
thi 

“Thanks for meeting me at the ай- 
port.” I said. 

"Hey." he said, "what's this I heard 
about 

“A bust? 

John lit a cigarette. “Yeah.” 

I shrugged. “It happened. I got busted." 

“And?” 

“They dropped charges,” I said. “The 
couldn't make them stick, It was this 
other guys dope in the car and they 
couldn't make anything stick to me.” 

John nodded. He didn't seem te dy 
interested. He pointed to the suitcase. 
“You get it all?” 

“Ten bricks,” I said. 

“Far out,” he said. "Let's have a look. 
And as I opened the suitcase, he said, in 
a very casual voice: "Was it Murphy who 
busted you?” 

Typical John. The casual fuck with 
your head. I looked up. “Why?” 

Murphy who busted Ernie, you 


ks for the good news. “Yeah,” 1 
said. “It was Murphy who busted me and 
I got off by agreeing to set you up. All 
you have to do is go down to Central 
Square tomorrow ten, carrying these 
bricks: 


ty 


You getting pa 
° 1 said. “Paranoid? Why should 
My deal’s firm." John laughed 
again, even more convincingly. Then he 
cut open a brick and J could sit back 
and relax while he smoked up. 

"he trouble with John is thar he had 
an acid vip last fall where he dropped 
about 2000 mics with some people he 
didn't know. The whole thing bent his 
head around the telephone pole. He 
never talked about the trip, but from the 
little he said, you could tell he'd gouen 
very stoned, and then very afraid, and 
then decided that the only way he could 
handle it would be to control it. So he 
became a controller. Power trips 
everyone, crappy Іше fr 


them with everyone. 
Which is why John Thayer Hartnup what 
11, of Eliot House and Cohasset, Massa- 
nto dealing at all. It was people as headn 
it made sense. The son of 
the Right Reverend Mr. Walker Wi 
te Hartnup and the forme 
пмоп (of South Carol 
needed the br 


d. Even if the tobacco hi 
money went up in smoke and the Rever- niques. There w 


Plymouth home and transfer a few good- bı 
ies, It was all very lar from a question of more sympathe 


Power was somet 
talent, it might be called, 
1. Hc had been 
at Dreyer Country Day, but he was later couch, w 
missed from Kent for what the head- 
master, without be 
a question of drug abuse. It We're gonna miss 
might have had something to do with the television se 
John’s consumption of the Mi 
drug Cannabis saliva du 
football games. John had then spoken to glowed to 


“You'll never learn to ski if you 
don't stop tail-gating! 


adrenaline spurts the headmaster in 


passed ош at the door, gratis. I had later, it was announced that John was 
thought he didn’t play those games with not being dismissed but. 
me, but he did, of course. He played єп a leave of absence because of over 

work and stress. No one ever found out 
t the meeting, but 
‚John was fond of noting that 


as discussed 


Miss Ellie 
) hardly academic dem 
1 further opportuni 


died, Grandmother nervous breakdown 


down the First National bankers to her sachusess Mental Health 


wght 1 


р: 


n inborn "os. 
n attentive student Sandra, sitti 


g specific, had im- “Оһ,” she said, jum; 


grown so stoned I s 
mg Saturday watched her, 


ters of distinguished. 
prep schools had soft underbellics. 

As а finearts undergraduate at Har- 
ard, a field he had chosen lor 
ids and its pretty girls, he 


for example, his 
t the end of his 
Wingate could be counted on to call sophomore усат—а six-we 


nts around to a much 
stance toward him. 

Not, perhaps. the nicest person, John. 
ng else, A natural but successful in his way. 


g next to John on the 
5 wiping the dope smoke out of 
her eyes when she noticed her watch. 
ing up. “It's time. 
She went over to 
id turned it on. I was 
there passively and 
nd then the screen as it 
fe with the visage of Sally 


247 


PLAYBOY 


248 


Scott. Eyewitness News, with the Eyewit- 
nes news team investigating а para- 
mount concern to the parents of Boston: 
teenage drug abuse. 

nt M Sally Scott 
asked, as she walked along a table laid 
out, like a feast, with exhibits, “what is 
this һе 
This here is a kilogram of marijuana, 
which is two point two pounds of the 
drug. 1t is dri 
for purposes of u 


Sally Scott said. 
“If you bring the camera closer, you 
ight get a better shot.” Lieutenant 
Murphy said helpfully. The camer 
doser. "As you can see, this block of 
the drug is commonly referred to by 
trallickers and illicit users as a key or a 
brick.” 

“And thi 
on 

Now, this is what the kids buy from 
the dope peddlers. This is how the drug 
is sold, in a onc-ounce baggie, An ounce 
may cost as much as fifty dollars." 

“Fifty dollas!” Jol id. “Jesus, 
maybe in Wellesley or someplace.” 
1 sec,” Sally Scott said. "And how 
much of this, uh, drug is necessary to 
make a person, uh—— 

“igh?” Lieutenant Murphy asked. 
‘Not very much. The drug is smoked in 
cigarettes, called reefers. Just one of 


Sally Scott asked, moving 


these small cigarcttes is enough to make 
a person 


sulter all the effects of the 
nt." 
andra 


asked, genuinely 
puzzled. 

Jolm grinned. 

Sully Scout said, “And what exactly are 
these effects? 

“Mostly unpleasant," Lieutenant Mur- 
phy said. “The mouth feels dry and the 
voice may be painful. The eyes hurt and 
опе may suffer hallucinations. All inhibi 
v released and the person under 
peculiar and bizarre 


“In what ways? 
usually Large eyes 

“Someone оп this 
сес, stoned, 
dicted users say 
of almost anything.” 

“I certainly am,” Sandra said and got 
and switched the television off. 

Tey," John said, turning it back on. 
“Roll joint, Sandy.” 

The sound returned just in time for us 
10 hear Sally Scott ask, “—the magnitude 
of the drug problem in Boston?” 

“Very serious,” Murphy said seriously. 
“There's no question of that. All reports 
indicate that the center of drug abuse in 
the country is shifting from San Francis. 
co to New York and Boston. Boston is 
now the center.” 

“Why is th: 

“The climate,” John sa 

“Primarily because of the 


Sally Scott had 


its 
s the psychologically ad- 


drug, under 


stich a person is capable 


ked. 
nd laughed. 
aflux of 


college students to the Greater Boston 
area, We have two hundred thousand 
college students, most of them from out 
of state. Unfortunately, some of these 
students deal in drugs.” Murphy paused 
to get his breath, then went оп. “You 
see, the atmosphere on the college cam- 
puses today tends to encourage bizarre 
behavior and often the responsible adult 
on the scene, the administrator, and so 
forth, will pooh-pooh even illicit activ 
tics, if they happen to be fashionable 
The campuses also provide a gathering 
place for all types of weirdos, outcasts 
and hangers-on who wouldn't be able to 
exist in a normal American environ- 
ment. These types are often among the 
offenders. Simply by their presence, they 
assist the growing drug traffic." 

“Oh, Christ,” John said, "are you Не 
tening to this bullshit? 

Murphy was gone and Sally Scott was 
saying: "—University's psychopharmacol- 
ogy unit for answers to these and other 
questions. Doctor, what is the medical 
evidence on marijuana?’ 

The doctor was pale and thin and 
thoughtful looking. He wore glasses and 
blinked his eyes a lot and spoke in litle 
shotgun bursts. “Well, the first thing to 
say... is that there is very lite in the 
way of . . . hard medical data on the 
drug. On the contrary we know ri 


ably liule . . . about the effects . . . or 
the hazards . . . of this particular com- 
pound however . . . we сап sa that 


earlier ideas were wrong . . . and the 
drug is not addicting by this we mean 
there is no tolerance . . . phenome- 
non . . . and no psychological depend- 
ence or phy - uh. dependence 
craving no caving ... 
say the drug does not lead . . . to heroin. 
or other narcotics. 
“You say heroin or other m 
Isn't marijuana a n: 
‘Well that depends . . . on 
inition . . . but strictly speaking a nar- 
cotic means . .. something that produces 
sleep . . - from marke, the Greek word 
for numbness . . . and in the usual sense 
it means pain-killing and sensory-dulling 
medications - . . sleeping pills . . . and 
these drugs as you know are nearly all 
addicting the term narcotic . . . to most 
people . . . means addicting drug . . . 
though mot of course . . . to doctors.” 
Blink blink. 
Sally Scott looked him right 
“How dangerous is marijuana: 
"Well that depends again . . . on your 
definition an automobile . . . is pretty 
dangerous . . . and so arc aspirin, liquor 
and cigarettes . . . the same Ш 
medications . . . all drugs broadly spea 
ing... are dangerous and you arc bct- 
ter off without them. In terms . . . of 
purcly pleasure producing drugs . . . li 
cigarettes and collee . nd alcohol 
22 we can say tha 
far as we know ., . may 


rcotics, 


your def- 


the eye. 


nd less addicting - . - but then . . . we 
know little about it. 

“When you say a better drug” 

n terms of side effects - . . long-term 
damage . . . something like alcohol аз 
you know . . . is a terrible drug . - 

physically addicting . . . psychologically 
disrupting . . . literally a poison to 
brain cells, a neurotoxin . . . and yet it 
is perfectly acceptable . . . to 

“Alcohol is a poison to bi 
Sally Scott asked, astonished. 
hol is used in all civilizations around the 
world. 

“Yes,” the doctor said. “That is true. 

After half an hour of this, I got up to 
nd said to John: “Lend me a lic 

John raised an eyebrow. “Studying? 

“Тһе exam's tomorrow.” I said, “and 1 
don't know a fucking thing about the 
course 

John shrugged. 

“Well, it's not Spots and Dots, you 
know," I said. Spots and Dots was the 
toughest course offered by the Fine Arts 
Department. Modern Western Art 1880- 
1960. Even blind men had been know 
to pass. 

“Top drawer of my dresser,” John 
1. “But take only one.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I said. 1 opened 
the drawer and took a baggie, one of the 
fuller-looking ones. Herbie was particu- 
lar about his payoffs. 

When I came back, John said: 
way, check yonr desk? 

I shook my head and went into my 
room to check my desk. There was a 
stack of mail on it, on top, in а cn 
colored envelope, some sort of invitation 
The handwriting was Annie's. I tore it 
open. Jt was an invitation to attend the 
Scarab Club Garden Ps 
day. Y looked at the post 
envelope; it had been m. 


sa 


ше 
week 
before. Too late 10 give a negative reply. 


led a 


I went back to John’s room and threw it 
in his lap. “Did you rig this?” 

John looked shocked. “You mean а 
range it?” 

No, damn it, I mean call her up and 
tell her I was out of town 

John said: "I knew you'd be back in 
time." He smiled. “To accept,” he added. 

‘Get bent.” I said. 

ace offering, you know,” John 
It means she still likes you.” 
n. John was a 
member of the Piggy Club and he was 
having a moment of fun at my expens 
We both knew that Annie was now mz 
ing it with a club member and we both 
knew that club members were not per- 
mitted to invite women to the parties 
themselves. 

"You don't want to go?” 
now acting surprised. 

“Me? Not want to go to the Piggy 
Club picnic? You've got to be kidding. 1 
n hardly wait. 

"Garden party," John 


John said, 


mended. He 


sighed. “Little late to call her up and 
refuse, isn't it?" 

‘That was unnecessary and as 1 left the 
room, I slammed the door behind me. 
‘Typical John interaction. 1 was furious 
and, їп а sense, grateful for the pressures 
of the coming exam. No chance to brood 
on it. It feels so good when I stop. 

Down the hall was Herbies room. 
Herbie was a weird little cat, sort of a 
cross between Mr. Natural and Dr. Zar- 
kov. He was a senior and 17 years old. 
He'd come from somewhere in West Vir- 
ginia, where his father worked in the 
mines and his mother worked in the 
mine officcs—one of those trips. Mother 
had noticed very early that Herbie was 
not like the other children and һай 
taken him to a testing center that the 
Government ran for mentally retarded 
children. The testing people had found 
th Herbie's I. Q. could not be accu- 
rately measured—and not because he was 
retarded. They'd sent him to a special 
high school in New York and then 
they'd gotten Harvard interested іп him. 
Herbie hadn't taken a math course that 
was listed in the catalog since his first 
year at Harvard, nor, for that matter, an 
economics course nor a physics course. 
He was now working up at the Observ; 
tory, taking a side degree in astrophysics. 

I went in and found him sitting in his 
bentwood rocker, rocking back and forth. 
He wore dungarces and a garish print 
shirt and he was smoking a joint the size 
of an expens 

"Peter," he said when he saw mc. 

"Herbie," I said and sat down across 
from him. 

Herbie scratched his head. “Let's see, 
now.” He looked across the room at a 
wall calendar. “Econon p? 

I nodded. 

“All right,” he said. “We can take ап 
hour.” He held out his hand. I dropped 
the baggie into it. He squcezed it, fecling 
the texture, then held it up to the light; 
finally, tossed it onto his desk. “Sold,” he 
id. “There's paper and pencil on the 
desk. Let's get started. 105 all very sim- 
ple,” he said. “The internal dynamics of 
the European nation-state, in the early 
part of the 17th Century, eventually ne- 
cessitated the manipulation of the econo- 
my to serve the political interests of the 
state. That concept, in turn, led—am 1 
going too fast?” 

“Just fine,” I said, scribbling as fast as 
1 could. “Just fine.” 

The exam next morning was held in 
Memorial Hall, ıvernous medieval 
sort of building with desks in long rows. 
The procors wandered from desk to 
desk with their hands clasped behind 
their backs, The best proctors—the most 
professional ones—remained entirely and 
haughtily aloof. But the graduate students 
and section men who were there to an- 
swer questions about the exam questions, 


as well as to be proctors, were pretty bad. 
A lot of them liked to walk from student 
to student and check out what was being 
written. 

About halfway through the hour, one 
of them stopped to look over ту shoul- 
der, He looked and he stayed. 1 kept 
writing, getting suddenly nervous. He 
had a nose cold, this proctor, and he 
sounded like a horse with pneumonia on 
a cold winter morning. Finally, I turned 
back to look at him. 

He was shaking his head as he read 
the page. I shrugged. 

He shrugged back, but at least he 
walked on. The bastard had shaken me 
up; I began having trouble concentrat- 
ing on the question. Particularly since I 
hadn't done any of the reading that was 
necessary to answer it. 1 was just sort of 
going along, putting down words. The 
answer didn't mean anything, but then, 
neither did the question. 

I began to think of Sukie and how she 
had looked when I left her at the air- 
port. I wondered if she had made it back 


“As president 


of the committee on women's liberation. . . - 


all right. It was a drag for a single chick 
to hitch out to Berkeley at night. And 
then I wondered if she was mecting 
somebody afterward. I wondered if she 
had just wanted a ride to S. F. and that 
was why she had gonc in. 

Then I started to think about how she 
had been in bed. It was obvious that she 
wasn't learning anything from me, which 
was completely to bc expected. but just 
then, it seemed outrageous, absurd, tha 
she should have been with anyone but 
me. Or that she ever would be with 
anyone but me in the future. I could feel 
irritation building and I realized that I 
was jealous. Not even jealous, more 
ive minutes,” the king proctor said. 
stepping to the microphone. 

I looked back down at my bluebook. I 
still had another essay to go. 1 stared at 
the question. praying for inspiration. 
and I got it at the last minute, 


I have never been jealous, At least, 
not about women. 1 have been jealous 
of objects, of things and sometimes ol 


249 


PLAYBOY 


250 


ly a friend of 
. He held my 
iration for ycars because 
He effortlessly de- 


unbrok 
of his imagination. 
vised such wonders as the Burning Bag 
of Shit Trick, conveniendy placed о 
a neighbors doorstep—and when Ше 
neighbor tried to stamp it out, well, that 
was his problem. 

Also the Good Humor Man Stunt, 
which oue kid would sprawl out on the 
road, deathly ill, and enlist the Good 
Humor Man's help. while another kid 
went to the back of the wuck and 
climbed into the refrigerated compart- 


ment. There he would stay, eating him- 
self sick, for a fuli block, at which time 
a similar catastrophic midroad illness 
would aj use the truck to stop and 


ted ice- 
nd shiv- 


allow the half-frozen 
cream fiend to escape, pi 
g, into the sunlight. 

And then I remember I was jealous of 
a guy who lived down the street from me 
one summer who had a motorcycle before 
had a driver's license. 


far as chicks went, 1 had never 
ly felt anything, and certainly not 
Chicks h necessary 


giggling halEwits who played games 
1 your balls were purple and then 
purses in the theater, or had 
y midnight, or weren't “that 
kind of girl,” or some other crap. There 
had been a lot of them around me 

Yet where I was, finished with the слаць 
and, by all reasonable expectations, hot 
on the trail home, to blow some dope 
d collapse into bed, after being up 
almost 48 hours. But that wasn’t happen- 
ing. Instead. | went right back to my 
room and called her. 

The phone rang a long time. Finally, 
a dull voice said: "Hello?" 
5 Sukie there? 
y dull voice, 
remembered the time change. 

“Sukie Bi an, is she ther 

“What you calling?" the 
guy said. He was being very. very careful 
about waking up and I couldn't stand it. 
akie, man. Sukie, the blonde chick 
lives upstairs, the one with the 


nd then I 


who 


He mulled thar 
1. Hold on." 

Then there was silence. I stared aro! 
my room and lit a cigarette and blinked 
the smoke. 

Hello?” Dazed voice. 

“Hello, Suki 
“Who is this?" Really dazed. 

“Sukie, what's going on out there?” 
“What?” She was beginning to wake 
up. “Who is this 

1 thought I heard s 
background, Some sound i 
“Are you alon 
zoddamn it,” she said. “Who is this? 
“Peter,” E said. 

e laughed. Three 


onc over. 


nd 


nc sound in the 
the room. 


away, I heard that 
smile. “Oh, Peter," 
thirty in the mo 
“Im sorry,” 
10 you.” 
There was a yawn 
then: “How was your ex 
That made me happy. She'd remem- 
ed I was going back to take an exam, 
“Terrible, 1 thought about you Ше 


laugh and it made me 
she said. “It’s seven- 


“I wanted to talk 


at the other end, 
аш? 


im was it? 


"Peter, that’s not good, you thought 
bout me during an economics exam?” 
And alter another yawn: “What did you 
think? 

Hmm. what did 1 think? 
drag over the telephone 
I suid. 

There was a pause. A short pause while 
she woke up still more. “You wanted to 
know if I was alone,” she said, her voice 
low and amused. 


“No,” I said, “you weren't awake. I 
asked how you were.” 
“Im not alone, Pete she said. 


"When you called, I was in bed with 
eight puppies. 
“I didn't ask you whether you меге 
alone," 1 said. 
gave a low Laugh 
sweet, do you know th: 
Well, that was it. Like walking out on 
a limb, and finally the limb snaps. I 
looked around the room, the goddamned 
dreary room, and T said: "Listen, I want 


to sec you 


“Peter, you're 


She laughed again. “I want to see you, 
too.” 
And then. in a sudden rush, I sai 


“Then why don’t vou come out here?” 
“To Cambridge?” 


“How, Peter? 
“I don't know. There must be some 
ny money. 
Swell 


as quiet on the line. A kind of 
depressing qui 


“Maybe Т said, 


"E сап figure out 
some to come out there.” But 1 
knew it wasn't true. In a few weeks, I 
would have to start studying for finals. 
She must have known it wasn't true, 
too, because she sounded sleepy 
when she said: “АП right, Pete.” 
“No, really. TU figure something out.” 
“I know. I believe you." 
And I guess, in a way. she did. Finally, 


way 


she said she was costing me money and 
I said the hell with the money, but 1 
couldn't really afford to say that, so I got 


off and hung up and realized that I was 
very tired and that I w 


'amted to sleep for 


ntil Lunchtime the 
im a man of few vices, one 


1 


of them most unquestionably being the 
time I spend with my eyes closed. But as 
soon as I was up, І was remembe 
Sukie and the phone call and all she'd 


1 caught up with John i 
hall and joined him over 
sawdust and beans. 

John looked up and smiled. “Peter, 

he said. "How's the head today?” 
ne. How're the cats?” 
Awful," said John. "I didn’t expect 
to see you for quite a while. Heard you 
had a little trouble with that economics 
yesterday.” 


п the di 
a plate of 


ied to look smp: 
Heard you barely finished. 
I sighed. I thought he'd been talking 
about the senior tutor. 1 get message 
from the senior tutor three times 
alter fall-term hour exams. after 
mis and after spring term hour exams. 
1 was expecting one any day now, but at 
hadn't arrived yet 
"No. that о trouble," I said. 
st had better things to think about.” 
ipit ughed and then frowned at his 
“Jesus.” he said. “what the hell 
“He held а clump aloft for all to 


admire. 
Somebody 


aid, “A hairpin.” 
“A hairpin, Jesus," John said. 
get lockjaw or something from € 
this crap. Look at it, it's rusty." 
га had enough to eat right then. 
“Heard from Musty?” 1 asked. 
John lookcd up sharply. "Any reason. 
why I should'v 
T had to pla 
want to k 
then 
ир, which he undoubtedly would if he 
had time to do so. All I said was: “No. 
Nothing эрес 
John dropped his potatoes and lit up 
a smoke. "OK," h s the big 
secret 
No secret." 
"Well then, what's 
bout Musty? C'mon. Гле known 
you too long to just thi © wonder- 
out loud when you drop something 
like that.” 
“Like what? Christ, 
as all these other creeps.” 1 spread a 
arm out to encompass the dining hall, 
ich was filled with guys studying over 
their meals. “You've just got a different 
lc on the paranoia, that's all.” 
Uh-huh,” John nodded gr 
blew some smoke in ection 
who were you calling afte 
yesterday? Not Musty, by any cl 
Thad to laugh. John managed to have 
finger on everything that went down. 
not Musty. I was talking to а 


“I could 
ing 


this one right. 1 didn't 


nything fom John, but 


е said, “wha 


all this garbage 


Peter. 


yowre as p 


ly. He 
Then 
the © 


chick.” 

John put his smoke out and laughed 
heavily. “A chick, eh? Not a California 
honey, by any chance? Yes?” He sat back 


“Looks like with Sally, it’s going to be out 
with the old and in with the new.” 


PLAYBOY 


252 


and sipped his coffee. “Far out," he said, 
far fucking out. 
“What's far out? 

Nothing. It just makes sense, why 
you've been blowing your mind ever 
since you got back here two days ago. 
And me thi was the climate." He 
пей а, ing out.” He 
looked suddenly se nd leaned over 
ross the table, “What'd she tell 


you 


ady. Nothing.” 

“Then what's this riff all about?” 

“I was just wondering if you had any 
more trips lined up in the near future. 

“California trips” 

“No, mescaline trips.” 

“What's wrong with you, you got blue 
ls after a couple of days around thi 
ady 

“You might say that. You might just 

I want to see her. What difference 
does that п You got any wips lined 
up or don't you?" 

John searched his coat for 
butt. the near future 


b; 


another 
Not ull 


nd Thad a run lined 
up. you wouldn't be able to Чой... 
Jetting the statement wander off into a 
question. I knew what he w: 
“Aw, hell" I said. “I could probably 
work something out. 
John took a long drag on his smoke 
and nodded. “That's good," he said. 
That's good to hear you say that, Pete, 
‘cause T wouldn't want you going around 
with some kind of wild misconception in 
your head about me letting a chick run 
the dope in. 
I searched around for another smoke 
and thought that one over. I'd known 
would say that—John never let 
in on his deals. It was a complete- 
ly bullshit prejudice, because if anything, 
chicks were cooler for a run than a 
ed dude could ever be. Most big 
s on the Coast, in fact, used only 


ks—but I wasn't on the Coast and I 
wasn't talking to a Coast dealer. I was 
271 began, “supposing you 


couldn't get anyone around here to do 
the run. Would you consider letting her 
do it then? 

‚John looked pained. “Peter,” he said, 
"you don't seem to understand. You 
know how I feel. but you don't seem to 
understand. Well, ТЇЇ tell it to you all 


over again.” He paused and then said, 
very deliberately and carefully: “Chicks 
... duck... up." He looked at me. 
was just wondering.” 
Well, you can stop wonde 
Even if you couldn't get anyone 
around here and you had a run set up 


and a courier was all you needed, you 


wouldn't let her do it?" 
quiet when he said: “Never. 
I'd change the run, 


ever never neve 
Га сап the run—Ch 


st, I'd even do it 


myself. But I'd never count on a chick to 
get anything through. Chicks fuck up. 

T shrugged and stood up. There wasn't 
anything else to say I knew that if 
Musty called in a few days and told 
John that he had only a da 
ger somebody out to < 
e а quick run before he split for 
Oregon, John would bust his ass to get 
somebody. What I'd been hoping was 
that he would at least admit the possibil- 
ity of let ic be that somebody. 
But he wouldn't, so I had to get to her. 
There was no other way. 


ceded 5100 to get to the Coast on a 
ic. 1 wouldn't have needed anything 


So it was 5160 or nothing. а 
а few minutes in front of the Student 
Union Jobs board, 1 was beginning to 
think it was going to be nothing. I could 
get 52.50 an hour trans wkrit 
into German for Professor Popcock, 
which wasn't exactly my field; or I could 
get $2.80 bartending on weekends. But 
I'd already turned down a few of the 
bartending boys’ jobs in order to make 
the run, and they took an exceedingly 
dim view of those who didn't exercise 
the right to work when it was waved in 
their faces. I could go in there bleeding 
right now, on my knees, begging for a 
d they'd tell me to beat it. That 
tchen job as the only real alter- 
native, 1.80 an hour, which would be 
two 50-hour weeks, and I was just about 
10 run down and sign up when I noticed 
ittle note saying that students couldn't 
work more than 20 hours а week. Far 
out, that was about all I had to say. 

I wandered around the next two days, 
looking for jobs and asking people what 
they knew. but nothing turned up. I was 
j ing to think that hitchhiking 
ігі such a bad idea when I got the 
note from the senior tutor. That was the 
end. I knew what he'd want. He'd want 
to tell me that I'd screwed the economics 
exam— probably royally—and that if I 
continued to screw things, he wasn't 
going to be able to help me very much, 
except to plead my case before the ad 
board and try to keep them from boot- 
ing me out. Which was cool, his concern 
and all, but that wasn't really what went 
down at a meeting with the senior tutor. 
‘Those meetings consisted mainly of his 
telling you how much he worried about 
nd your work and your habits, 
which was а drag; and they always ended 
with his asking you a lot of nosy ques 
tions he didn’t really want the answers 
to but somehow felt compelled to ask. 
His field was the minor poets of the 18th 
Century, that was the kind of dude he 
- Well, the hell with it. I had to go 
and sec him. 

He met me at the door of his study 
and escorted me to a padded chair with 
an arm under my elbow. 


you 


“Thank you, sir." I sat down. As I did, 
he turned away from me to look out the 
window. АП I could scc of him were 
hands, which twisted and turned as hi 
built up steam for our little chat. 
Jy, he turned again to face me. 
“Harkness, you probably know why 
е called you in today." 

“Yes, sir. I have a fairly good idea.” 

“A fairly good idea. Ah-ha." He went 

over to his desk and began to fill 

pipe. The senior tutor had a way of 
repeating things that you'd said 
they were meant to be funny. It was not 
very amu: 

“And wh 
may 1 ask?" 

“L suppose that I screwed that eco- 
nomics exam yeste 

“You suppose that you—il-ha, yes. 
You mean to say that you suppose that 
you did poorly on the exam.” 

"Yes, sir." 

"You did poorly, Harkness, you did 

'y poorly." Pausing to light his pipe. 

з flunked it, as a matter of fact. 

Sir. 
“I said you flunked 
“Yes, si 
“Well.” he said, looking up from be- 

hind billows of smoke. “Is that all you 

have to say?” 

“What else is there to say? 
“Whats done is done. 

He smiled benevolently at that. It was 
one of his favorite sayings. “Well, 
he said. "Now, I assume that you know 
what your failure means?” 
think so.” E said. 
из that your period of academ- 
n will not end this spring but 
will continue next fall. Until the end of 
the fall term,” he explained 

“Yes, sin" Is: 

Having finished with that, the tutor 
seemed suddenly relieved. He sat down 
in front of me on the edge of his desk, as 
if to show me how he was letting his h: 
down. Business was done and now it was 
time for an i 

“Now, 


his 


ly good idea 
bi 


Y. 


I said. 


ting for vou, you «се, just gl 
- But I must say chat Û don't 
tall, Not at all. 


ng throw 
derstand your case 

“Sire” 

"I've been looking at your high school 
records, both scholastic and athletic. And 
recommendations, And th 
ments of your freshman proctor 
visors, that sort of thing. 

“Sil 

“And I don't understand it at all. 
You're not performing up to expecta 
tions, Harkness. You know that, of 
course.” 
Yes, sir. 
s. Well, I was wonde 
could give me ar 


со: 
nd ad- 


your 


Б 


clues as to wh: 


you 
From 


all the indications of your record, you 
should have been a sort of Harvard 
nk Merriwel 
Thank you, sir." Bloated asshole. 
"ve been wondering if there were any 
problems you might be having, Person: 
problems, family problems, financial prob- 
lems? That I might assist you in straight- 
ening ош?" He looked at me. but 1 tried 
to look blank. "After all.” he said expan- 
sively, “that’s what I'm here fo 
“No, sit,” I said, “I don't think there 
But thank уоп, anyway." Nosy bas- 
tard. 
“Well, Harkness,” he went on, “I w 
д. because I've noticed a cert: 
your behavioral developm 
I may зау so. For example, vou came 
here an all-American in football, and vet 
you quit after the first half of the sez 
son." 
"Well, sir.” I said, “if you knew the 
coach, I think 
"Now. now," he said, holding up his 
just Iet me finish. You quit play- 
ing football and shortly after that, vour 
des dropped. The next year. last year, 


t is. you were involved in one of the 


at political organizations 
that we tolerate here on campus. And 
you achieved some prominence in that 
endeavor. But you quit that. too. Now, 
during this year, you haven't pursued 
any organized activities that 1 know of; 
and so you haven't quit anything. But it 
doesnt seem to me that you've been 
doing anything, either. Harkness, if you 
will permit me to say so." 

"Sir." I said. Nothing more. The imbe- 
cile. 

“Well.” he said, “do you have any- 
thing to say?” 

“In my defense, sir?’ I cocked my 
head. 

“Oh, come now, Harkness,” he said, 
getting off his desk, “that’s distorting my 
meaning quite deliberately, don't you 
think? I'm not trying to accuse you of 
anything, I'm trying to help you.” 

“Thank you, sir. But I don't think 1 
need anyone's help right now but my 
own.” 


“As you wish,” he said, 
“Thank you. sir,” again. 
"Well" he said, "hope you do better 

next round. And if anything comes up, 

don't hesitate то come and see me. My 
secretary will make 
you.” Edging me to the door. 
Thank you, sir," 
“Its normally а week or so from the 
appointment to the meeting, but il you 
feel that you have something i 


two, you know. 
“Thank ye 
He opened the door, looked out at his 
secretary and the crowded sitting room 
and then closed it. 
There is just one more thing I should 
like to say to you, Harkness. As regards 
your record.” 
' Here we go again. The old fart 
could never find a last word that really 
suited him, so he just dribbled on end- 
lessly. 


down, Harkness, sit down.” He 
filled his pipe and smuggled into his 
c vs not exactly my field,” he 
began. “but Гуе made а quite extensive 
study of the man and bis work. And I 
think that in some ways, my conclusions 


about him сап be applied to you as 
well.” 

"Sir?" 1 said. What was this көші 

“Әс Quincey.” he said, “Thomas De 
Quincey. Are you familiar with his 
work?” putting on his pipe fatuously. 

“Only vaguely.” 1 said, thinking, Of 


course I am, moron. 

“Yes.” he went on, as though he would 
have been disappointed if I'd said any 
thing else. “A very interesting fellow, De 
Quincey was.” He ed and looked at 
me. “Zs, I should sty, in light of your 


Sir?” 
Are you, ah, at home with 
volume on the aspects 
the opium i 
“No, si 
“Well, De Quincey was an a 
self, you know. an opium addict. And he 
wrote inating little study of his 


little 


addiction, tiled Confessions of ап 
English Opium Eater. Fascinating.” He 
glanced over at me to make sure that I 


was with him and I nodded. “And in the 
course of his account, he makes some 
extraordinary observations." Looking at 
me again, “For instance, at one point, he 
remarks that ‘opium eaters never finish 
anything.’ Thats a wonderfully, oh, to- 


the-pomt remark, don't you think, Hark- 
пем?” 


ing it like it is" I murmured, 
The asshole. 


he said, 


Yes; te agree, Well, do 
you see the connection, then, do you see 
what I'm driving at? 
"Yes, sir," I said. "I think I do.” 
“Uh-huh.” fumbling with his pipe, 
which had. as usual. gone out. "And do 
you have any, ah, comment on the mat- 
ter? Does it strike a responsive chord, 1 
should sa 
"Ld. 
"None at 
was Бердің 


12" he queried. Man, hc 


for it. 


“Only an intellectual one,” 1 sid 
finally. 
“Ah-ha,” he nodded. "And what is 


thai 
“Artaud,” I s 
Artaud, I take 
"The senior tutor blinked. "Well, he's 
n my field, you understand, but, yes, 
k that Im familiar with the rudi- 
ments of the man's work.” That got his 
goat, the old turd. 1 was playing it his 
way and it hurt. 
Artaud was also an addict, a morphine 
addict. that is, and his comment on the 
matter was th. 


L "You're familiar with 


long as we haven't been able to abol 
a single cause of human desperation, we 
do not have the right to try to suppress 
the means by which man wies to clean 
himself of desperation.” I paused and 
looked at the tutor. “Those were his 
words on the subject. Of course, Artaud 
was himself a desperate man when he 
wrote them, desperate in a sense probably 


““The best laid schemes а” mice and men gang aft a-gley! ” 


253 


PLAYBOY 


254 


unknown to De Quincey. Because when 
he wrote his little essay on opium, they 
were getting ready to cart him off to 
the madhouse. And not for being an 
addict," I added. 

"I see,” said the tutor, who looked as 

if he didn't know what the hell I was 
talking about. "Yes, I sec. Artaud. TI 
have to look into him. He was one of 
those cruclty fellows, wasn't he?” 
"hat's right,” 1 sai 
es. Well" He stood up again and 
held out his hand. “Is been good talk- 
ing to you. Harkness, and remember, if 
you should think of anything that you 
want to discuss, or perhaps if you should 
just feel like a chat, don't hesitate to let 
Miss Burns know.” 

“1 will,” Is nd thank you, sir." 

“Yes, yes," he said, showing me to the 
door. 


Two d 
went by 
room 


is of earnestly anemic study 
d then John marched into my 
id plunked down on the bed. 

"he said. which I 


»w's it goin; 
not bother to respond to, since John 
didn't give a goddamn how it was going 
п was that he 
1 something on his mind. He pulled 
ош а joint. "Want to blow some 

1 shook my head. 1 was feeling vir- 
tuously studious and 1 knew that the 
dope would kill that. I also knew that Т 
could sit around ıd watch him 
эке too long, so I said: "Whar's hap- 


ohn said, "I'm thinking 


over to look at it to- 
«ked in a deep drag. 


owner. I'm goi 
morrow.” He s 
“Want to come: 

"Sure," 1 said, "but you didn't come in 
here to lay that down.” 

He laughed and took another hit. 
can see the studying has brought your 
mind t a keen edge, P 
“Well, what I wa 


an 
“You wanted to knot 
He laughed again 


‘Quite right,” he 
anıed to know if 
this chick is still up for do 
Then I remembered. “I meant to tell 
you,” 1 said. led last night and 
said she'd love to go to New York with 
you. but she's used up all her over 
night 
No, na. |. "I meant—is that 
tight? The lile bitch, She called last 
night? | didn't know that. Why didn't 
you get hold of me?’ 
You were in the rack with Sandra," I 


“Oh, yeah.” He thought about it some 
more, "She cart go overnight? Jesus, 
that screws the whole weekend.” 

Fell her that,” 1 said. 

He laughed. and then was silent and 
finally said, as if remembering suddenly, 
listen 
thing else—that Califor 
hername, does she still want 10 п 
trip: 

T 


о, 


мараг 


hat was 


"I know babies are supposed to be bald-headed, Mother— 


but there's something about Timothy. . . - 


Never. under any circumstances. 1 didn't 
know whether it was from obstinacy or 
pride or his old Boston upbringing, but 
whatever the reason, it wa 

"Yeah, she'll do 
knew I could talk her into it'd almost 
done as much when the тип wasn't even 
a sure thing. lt was а way to come out 
nd she wouldn't worry about it if J said 
it was cool. 

But I was interested in John’s change 
of mind. in his sudden 
Sukie. Hell, last time I tal 
hadn't even considered the possibility. 

“What happened?" [ said. "Couldn't 
you find anyone else?” 

John shrugged. "Well, le's see. You 
can't go. be you fucked your exam. 
And everyone else's wonking thei 
off for exams." He laughed. "Not doing 
a fucking thing, really, just sitting around. 
chewing their nails. But if they're gon 
to worry, they're going to do it here. 
He shook his head pityingly, then looked 
up at me, “The other thing is that Musty 
called and 


more before July, I had to do it now. So 
here we He smiled and took out 
nother joint, lit it, passed it 10 me. 

I took a long hit. “Мичу leaving 
town fast, huh? 

’s the vill,” said John. 

out,” I seid and then laughed. 
Things had worked out better than I 
had hoped. I'd known that John would 
be pressed foi runner. but I didn't 
think he'd offer to ler Sukie do it. I 
thought I'd hi to cudgel him into it— 
and then here he wi ing me if I 
thought she could make it, I laughed 
in. "Yeah, she'll do it.” 

ood enough," sid John, “Every 
ings set up: you'll send the money 10 
sand Миму got the bricks ready. 
o all you got to do is call the chick 
and let her in on it. 
Pretty sure of yourself, weren't. you, 
John,” ht wasn't à question, it was a 
statement of fact. But John didn't take it 
that way. 

He waved the joint in my direction 
and said: “You were pretty sure of your 
self, Peter.” 1 guessed that he'd been 
figuring things out with Musty, and 
laughed. 
ah, I guess I was. But what the 
hell. She's coming. When's she flying in, 
пуза у?" 

‘Saturday, around two.” 

I thought t пе over and 
realized what he had said. 
aturday, good God! Not 
I'm supposed to go to the Pig 
Saturday.” 

"That's right.” 

“Weil, the hell with that. Annie Вш- 
Jer can blow her mind at me all she 
wants, I'm just not going to be able to 
make it. I'd better let her know as soon 
as I talk to Sukie” 


“Peter,” said John. Nothing more. 
“Yeah 
“You're not going to tell Annie any- 
ing. I may have to let this chick make 
run, but I don't have to let you two 
lovebirds fuck things up by prancing 
around Logan together for every onc of 
Murphy's pigs to sce and admire." 
“What the hell- 
Murphy busted you in O: 
the chick in the same room. righ 
expect that your mugs are 
known by the naresquad pigs by now.” 
“Oh, for Chrissake, get olf it. Maybe 
my mug—maybe, if you really stretch it 
—but Sukies, never. I'm going to go 
down and pick her up and Annie Butler 
Gin go to hell. 
pulled slowly on what was by 
пе a dark roach Шу. he said: 
“This is my run and we're going to do it 
my way or not at all. You can tell the 
chick on the phone why you're not going 
to be there to meet her—but that's all. 
not going to bave this thing fuck up 
just to please your absurd sense of deco- 
is, Peter, so don't 
те. 
Boston, you're 


ing to be having Ше time of r life 
the Piggy Club Garden ty. Period. 


1 will be down at Logan waiting for her 
а she'll be in the room about the time 
that you and Annie fondly bid each 
other farewell. paused and looked 
а Inderstand?' 


There was nothing to say. 1 left. the 
better 


тоот to find а pay phonc. It 
not to use mine for th 


A surprised voice 
very far away. It was а lousy connection. 
“Pete?” 

1. How you doing, baby? 
Peter, God, it’s good 


ything for a minute, 
just got stoned out of my mind on her 
voice, on the sound, knowing that in a 
few days the sound would be next to me 
and not coming through a piece of pl 
tic that demanded more money every 
three minutes. Then 1 меп, 
honey. Гуе just been tatking to John.” 


mber, my friend John 
е, Ше guy E scored the bricks for 
when 1 was in Be 

"Oh." It w 
just that she was begin 
stand. I had to keep it movi 

"Well, you remember th 
tion we һай after my exam?" 

“Yeah, I remember. 15 this where 
Jom 

“Just listen, honey, just let me finish. 
Things haven't been going too well for 
me around here. I mean, Ive been 
trying to get some bread together so 1 
could come out and see you again or so 


wal Tt was 
10 under- 


t conversa- 


you could come out here—you know, 
like, the summer's getting here and if we 
could get together, we could do up the 
sur 


, Peter." That was all she 


“You don't mind? I mean, you know 
Im talking abou” 

"FH do it. I mind, but Vil do it. I 
want to sce you. 

T took a deep breath and it felt good. 
The chick was very, very together, "OK, 
beautiful honey, that's beautiful. That's 
so beautiful, I can't even tell you, Listen, 
soon as you get here, I'll take care of 
things. you know, a place to stay and eat 
and that whole rit you don't worry 
about it, ll work it all out. And then if 
you dig it around here, we can do up the 
summer, you know, and— 

“Don't. Peter. You're blowing my 
mind. Just don't talk like that till I'm 
with you, OK?” 

I knew what ng. "OK, 
yeah, OK, you're right. Well, listen, I'll 
be sending the bread out to you to- 
morrow and Миму know the details, 
so he'll Jay that end of it on you. The 
only other thing is that | won't be able 
to meet you at the airport.” 

1 had expected her to wonder about 
that, but all she said was: “That's cool.” 
Out of sight. Још meet you; he 
doesn't want me around ‘cause of the 
bust, but John'll meet you and as soon 
as you get back ta uc, I'll sce 
you." 


it's cool.” 
Suddenly, I didn’t have anything more 
о 1 just wanted to see her and 
talking business like this was only mak- 
ing it wor: 
“Well 
I started to lay down somethi 
less, but she cut me oif and said: 
Take care of yourself. 
I lau t that 
do tlie 
"Don't worry about m 
“You just be good.” And then the oper 
tor was demanding more bread and Suki 
арус and it was over 


g mind- 
Peter. 


hed 
mi 


I will, baby. You 


she said. 


was say 


As soon as I got back to the room, I 
his 


asked John if I could have a lid fro 
dresser drawer. 

“Gonna can the studying for a 
Peter, old boy 

“Not cin i 
get back on i 

John laughed. “Enjoy yourself. huh? 
You already look like you're enjoying 
yourself, You look like you just balled а 


just е 


y myself bef 


| Wh 
A 


Get these great 
knit flares 
by Wright. 


Great looks... great knit fabric. ..great fit. 
Get them at all the right stores. $16.00. 


Now. 


You've got 
a fresh mouth. 


АГ 


ШЕШЕ 


үне 


BreathLess.. 


The spray that 
takes your 
breath away. 


This is the second of three installments 
of “Dealing.” The final installment of the 
novel will appear in the February issue. 


оп your owf Ңаі-есікесі schooner 10 days of 
Canbbe: ‘bathing, skin-diving, exploring 
опїогдег В lands 5245 includes meals 


©Windjammer Cruises. 


Dept. 53, Box 120, Miami Beach, Fla. 33139 


BROADWAY JOE 


know what to say. Namath came over to 
the worst bullshit you 
ever saw? She's supposed to be an ас 
tress, we're supposed to be kissing pas 
sionately and she's giving me a kiss like 
Im her cousin!” Denys went off to 
plain the situation to an assistant 
director, who, in turn, explained it to 


PLAYBOY 


Annamaria; she'd been shaken by Na- 
math's reaction and now she appeared 
even more shaken by what he wanted to 


do. But Annama 
according to. Nam 
got it right in one 
later, he was on his way back to the 
hotel. “There are typi s on this 
movie,” he remarked, “but damn, today 

100 typica 


played the scene 
h's wishes and they 
с. Three minutes 


The cast party that evening was held 
at the Luau restaurant, a hangout for 
American actors working in Rome. The 
Luau looks like a set from 2 1943 Bogart 
film; there are a dozen stools along the 
strectlevel bar and, a short flight of 
down, a restaurant seating about 
50 people. Bambooslatted walls and а 
three-foot fountain are the room's only 
inguishing features. The lighting is 
bad and the food not much better, but, 
Namath said, "At least they ger it 
right after you send it back.” Beciuse 
the place looks run-down on the outside 
ide) 


d more run-down 
able to dine informally without be 
confronted by autographı-see 
who rarcly wind wp there. 


Ае 
American girls do, though. Every night 
there were plenty of pretty foxes eager to 


ctive 


meet and sleep with Namath, but he 
wasn't having any. To make his Roman 
trip even more memorable, Joe had 
picked up an internal virus that 
dered him sexually hors de combat. 
When we arrived at the party. the Luau 
was just starting to fill up with cast and 
crew members, Namath, Hassan and 1 
sat down at an empty table and ten 
ШШЩ ter were joined by Marina and 
her best girlfriend: Marina sat on her 
lap. A few more friends of Marina's pulled 
up chairs minutes later and they were 
having a grand time listening to 
tell funny storie—pointing to Na 
ath when the punch lines came up 
and every once in a while giving out 
with one of her sputas. “It’s great to be 
in Rome, isn't it?” Namath said with 
vy sarcasm. ^I can't ever re ber a 
се whe he broads were so bad.” 
While Hassan tried to relieve Na- 
math's obvious unease at being seated 
with seven girls who were chattering 
away in Italian, Marina was having a 
ball. She devoured a huge selection of 
buffet goodies, then went up again to 
the three long serving tables, returning 
this time with a piece of whipped-cream 
256 cake. After eating most of it, she picked 


ren- 


(continued from page 188) 


up the rest and, for no apparent reason, 
threw it in Namath's face, also splattering 
Hassan. Both men were nearly аз тум 
fied as they were angry. Namath glared 
at her and then he ot Up, 
sat briefly at anoth nd 20 minutes 
later, wi 

Namath spent all day Sunday resting 
in his room, eme in the even 
laugh through a showing of Mission: 
possible vs. the Mob and altera 
stopping for a snack at the Café 
Paris, the Via Veneto's sidewalk capital. 
succession, he ate a serving of 
vanilla ice cream, a dish of strawberries, 
a double hamburger, half a bacon, toma 
10 and egg s 
1 nd a bı 


able 
nt back to the hotcl 


na split. He sat with 
his back to the Via Vencto's endless pa- 
rade of сап, pompadoured young mei 
and flashy microskirted signorine, be- 
cause when he wasn't spotted by teen- 
aged Southern chicks, he was accosted by 
bar owners anxious for his patronage 
Mb by Italian assistant directors. Or 
victimized waiters, one of whom 
dropped a cup on his head. 
(As , Namath 
managed to smile while wiping syrup out 
of his eyes and picking small pieces of 
hair, face and 
orge, а finc-lool 
math’s leading lady 
in the film, later said, “Instead of doing 
ng a scene—Joe was 

completely relaxed about it, even though 
that gooky stuff had ruined his clothes, 
You know, before he got to Rome, I'd 
heard he was a cocky ass and a trouble 
maker, but he's not. Joe has be 
volved in learning how to act and all 
his dealings with people on the set have 
been beautiful: the wardrobe lady loves 
e has yet to forget a prop. Joe 

is so far from being on an ego wip, it's 
almost comical. He's very sh 

One evening, alter dining at the cel- 
ebrated Hostaria dell'Orso with two 
attractive and ambitious actresses whose 
toughness Namath did not admire, he 
said simply: “I hate girls who curse. You 
meet a pretty рій and all of a sudden 
nothing but КОЛГА coming out 
of her mouth. Damn, Z don't talk that 
way in Iront of a woman.” 

On Monday, Joe awoke at 6:15 AM., 
had a quick breakfast and was driven to 
the outskirts of Manziana, а primitive 
little town 30 miles northwest of Rome, 
where a public park had been rented for 
The Last Rebel's final two weeks of film- 
ing. As with most of the making of the 
movie, the park turned out to be another 
bad Italian joke. It was nothing more 
than a dusty dirt road surrounded by a 
small forest, in which there lived several 
particularly ugly brightpink p 
often trotted and shorted their w. 
camera range. Namath arrived on the set 
at 7:45 and sat in his trailer unti 


by 
entire fr 
dy of grace under press 


listening to Joe Cocker cassettes on а 
sterco he'd taken along. 

‘The toughest scene of the day, filmed 
in midmorning, was one in which 
Woody Strode stops a runaway марс 
coach. Woody, who played the black 
slave in Sparlacus. performs his own 
stunts and doesn’t much care for—or 
worry about—dialog. "I make my living 
doing action,” he said. “Just give me a 
role with dirt and sweat, ‘cause I sure as 
hell can't act.” A six-foot, four-inch, 200- 
pound former defensive end for the Los 
Angeles Rams, Woody has a finely mus- 
cled body that he k n shape by do- 
cight sets of 50 push-ups (within 12 
minutes) every morning. Although һе 
looks as if he's in his late 30s, he's 
56. "Guys my age—like Jackie Robinson, 
who was a football teammate of mine at 
UCLA—are old men. I'm an accident.” 

It was a breezeless, sunny, 102-1ертее 
y and the three male leads retired to 
trailers during lunch; Strode and 
m shared one and Namath had a 
ler all to himself, where he quickly 
t to sleep. Suode, a 1 nonstop 
spent the past eight years 
ying an assortment of movie Indians 
Mongolians with shaved skulls. 
"This is sure a funny business," he said. 
“If you don't look right up on that 
screen, forget it; it doesn’t matter how 
good yor 
Strode inks Namath can't miss. 
Joe’s gonna be a big star in Westerns. 
Joe is physical and he knows how to 
take direction. I've seen a lot of athletes 
people thought about putting into 
the mo s like Babe Ruth, Joe 
Loui aul Hornung, but they 
didn't come close to having the glamor 
Joe has. He's a very special-type person. 

The specialtype person had, at that 
t. just risen from his noon si 
few drinks, was in a 
frame of mind for his afternoon все 
He opens the door of the runaway stage- 
coach, a dead cowboy falls out. 
na, aided by a dubbed-in voic 
Are you a band 
Not so's you can tell it, m: 
line broke Namath up. "Not so's you сап 
tell it, ma'am? Hey. Denys!” he shout- 
ed to the director, “who the hell’s gonna 
beli a e like that? u gotta be 
kidding.” Denys wasn't kidding. Said 
director McCoy, “I hope this will play 
much bewer when it's edited.” “It 
couldn't get much worse,” said Namath. 

If Joe was looking forward to the next 
day of shooting at all, it was only be- 
cause it marked Marina's last scene. She 
made the day memorable. During a 
break, Namath кей by her holding a 
cup of lemonade. Miss Coffa was moved 
to imitate how Joe looked while chewing: 
tobacco, which Namath responded to by 
pretending he was chewing tobacco—and 
squirting some lemonade a few feet in 
front of her. Ma а was the perfect 


eps 


picture of outraged indignation 
mumbled something nasty іп unlady 
like Italian. A few moments later, she 


tapped him on the shoulder. When Joe 
turned around, she spit an entire mouth- 
ful of orange juice in his face, Marina 
tried to force a laugh but couldn't: Na- 
ташу fa ıked yellow with or- 
ange juice and red w He walked 
grily and silently away. Five minutes 
sent a production assistant 
for her. but it had no effect: 
Joe at that point retreated into a shell, 
Spending most of his time sleeping or 
playing so his trailer or riding 
his horse aimlessly around the set. 
“Learned to ride when Arizona State 
recruited me in 1960,” he said. “At least 
it gives me something to do beside sit on 
my ass while all these characters find 
з to screw things up. 

Namath's disgust at film making, Tal- 
ian style, was endorsed strongly by Jack 
A witty and sophisticated man, 
m has become rich playing а succes 
sion of grisly cowboy villains who usually 
bite the dust just before the end of the 
film (The Last Rebel doesn't de 
from this formula). Jack is blind i 
closed left eye and, combined with a 


agnificently perverted leer, his counte- 
nce has been beguiling moviegoa 


vr as a C.P. A. "ГШ never 
another movie in Italy as long 
I live,” he 1. “This the biggest 
bullshit country Ive ever seen. Her 
ybody working on a film is only as 
ant as how loud they shout or 
how much they wave their hands. We've 
had to stop filming dozens of times be- 
sc the crew was talking. Extras show 
up without their makeup and we 
to wait twenty minutes for them to get 
ready; we're lucky when the prop men 
have whars called for in the script and 
ever, of course, provide for 
These people a 
of efficiency: it’s a big party 10 
them, but if they pulled that shit once in 
America, they'd never work a 
Elam was, nevertheless, delighted he'd 
worked with Namath and he, also, is рові- 
Joe will be a star—provided he makes 
a few correct decisions. “In football, you 
get fourteen games to a season. You can be 
lousy in all of them but still come back 
year,” he observed. “Unfortu- 
‘ou don't get fourteen 
ovie business; the public will only wait 
a couple of pictures and thats it. Joe's 
Leen in three films and what he needs 
now is a strong property and a good 
director. One smash hit, and he'll be set 
to make а million dollars а year as an 
acto 
The rest of the week, which Namath 
spent commuting between Manziana and 
Rome, played itself out slowly and un- 
eventfully. Temperature on location 
reached 110 degrees and, when he wasn't 


ries in the 


“Hi, there! I'm а pal of Santa's and 
he let me have a little old peek at his 
list of all those who've been bad! 


in front of the cameras, Joe sequestered 
himself in his airconditioned trailer. 

Early Friday evening, most ol the cast 
drove from Manziana to Cinecitta, where 
at seven rM, producer Larry Spang- 
as to screen three and one hall 
s of the film's rushes. Only | 


you'll wind up with a beautiful bunch of 
vignettes that don't hang together 
or the leading character will be 
at, but terrific individual perform- 
rily make fo 
Besides," he added with a smile 
“seeing the rushes on this movie would 
ruin my trip home.” 

I entered the screening room as the 
lights dimmed. The first hour's footage 
silent: there'd been a bit of a m 
up and the sound track on a number of 
scenes shot at Cinecitta wouldn't be ready 
for several days. Alter a Гем weak jokes 
centering around Spangler's walk-on as a 
prostitute’s customer and Hassan's bit 
at bartender. the small audience grew rest- 
less and then drowsy. Spangler asked the 
projectionist to show only sound film. 

Namath's scenes with Annamaria Chio. 


nd Marina Cofla were the first to come 
on and were greeted with great glee 
watching those two fracture the English 


language relieved the mounting sense of 
failure. Strode was right about the w 
he handles dialog, but he looked awe- 
some on the screen, especially when he 
took his shirt off, which was oft If 
The Last Rebel holds together at all. 
however, it is because of Elam, the film's 
cohesive center, Jack somehow made all 
the clichés he mouths come alive, and in 
the scenes he shared with Namath, Joc 
was visibly relaxed and believable. 

Time after time, as he watched the 
screen, Namath’s right hand darted i 
front of his face, shielding his eyes fron 
scenes in which his inexperience was ap- 
pallingly evident. He had not been made 
up properly for one clos 
pimples on his nose stood out like the 
Presidents on Mt. Rushmore and Namath 
groaned, He was embarrassed by much 
of what he saw il point 
exhaled loudly in selF-disgust. The rushes 
were a disaster, When the lights came on 
again and Namath was asked what he 
thought, he said, “I'm not going to say.” 

Joe was on the set bright and early the 


nd, at seve 


257 


PLAYBOY 


258 


next morning, cager to finish up quickly. 
In his final scene. he and Elam leaped 
out of a ditch and sprinted for about ten 
yards. Namath hobbled out on those 
rickety legs, fell down, but quickly re- 
gained his feet and finished the take. The 
Crew gave Joc an ovation—movie cti- 
quette. Namath was unimpressed. 

TI ng. attorney Mike Bite de- 
scribed the welcome-home party planned 
for Namath when he arrived back in 
Manhattan. Fifty—or was it 1502—of 
New York's “best broads” were going to 
turn out; since no more than 30 guys 
would be invited, all the fellows would 
get laid. Namath smiled disinterestedly. 
He has slept with more than 400 women 
by his own conservative count. but the 
majority of them have been 
groupies, and a man can lose his taste 
for that sort of thing. If d when he 
finally marries his steady girl, a charm- 
g and beautiful blonde named Suzie 
Storm, who lives in Pensacola. Florida, 
Joe will probably be a model husband. 

His problem what to do with 
his life, a life that won't be involved in 
professional sports. When he returned to 
New York that Sunday, Joe barricaded 
himself in his new duples apartment on 
East 82nd Street, just off Fifth Avenue, 
while he pondered whether or not to 
play this season. "I want to do something 
with myself, accomplish something, but 1 
don't know what," he said, in counter 
point to the headlines that told America 
he was holding up the Jets for a bigger 
salary and/or “a big loan to resolve his 
financial problems.” as The New York 
Times put it. "You can see why I don't 


ev 


football 


like talking to newspapermen. I don't 
have financial problems, and the subject 
of money never once came up when I 
spoke to the club about playing this 
year,” Namath remarked bitterly. And 
perhaps the bitterness is justified: In one 
column in the Chicago Sun-Times, sports 
writer Jack Grifün called him a "slant- 
eyed charmer," who "leered" into TV 
cameras and “whimpered” about his prob- 
lems before he "postured back to wi 
drooped his eyelids and tossed liis curl 
In the midst of the media catcalls, Joe 
secretly Hew down to Fort Lauderdale, 
Florida. where he thought about his ca- 
reer and rested in the sun (while Na- 
math “sightings” were reported as far 
away as Winnipeg, Canada). And then 
he reported, Іше, to the Jet training 
cmp at Hofstra University, a scene һе 
understandably abhors: During the sum- 
mer, pro teams are quartered in college 
dormitories, and the ridiculously regi 
mented lives they lead there are not very 
different than the lives they led as colle- 
giate jocks—11 rat curfew, two practices 
ng-table meals, putting up 
with a lot of juvenile pep talks dished 
out by megalomaniac coaches and lots of 
poker and drinking with the boys. Why 
had he returned? “I still haven't decided 
what else I can do,” he said. “Look, it's 
very hard to give up something you сап 
be the best at, And I really thought 
about not letting my teammates down, 
do a lot of the guys 
the Jets could win three games 
g quarterback 
18, the Jets, haying won 
of their first four games, met 
more Colts at Shea Stadium in 


“Uh-oh!” 


a match that would determine whether 
New York could make a belted run at 
the Super Bowl. Weakened by injuries, 
the Jets were without the services of, 
among others, All-Pro fullback Ман 
Snell and star defensive end Gerry Phil- 
bin. The Jets were behind 29-22 when, 
оп their final offensive play of the game, 
Namath was thrown for a loss by Colt 
tackle Billy Ray Smith, In the process 
of decking him, Smith fell on Namath’s 
i ing the quarterback's 


right wrist, fracturing 
navicular, a small bone at the base of 
the thumb. Alte 1 77 games, 
Namath would miss his first pro contest. 
In fact, he would miss the rest of the 
season: a cast would have to be worn 
lor six weeks and am additional three 
weeks would be needed before Namath 
would be ready to throw at full strength 


—by which time the season would be 
over. "vs such a dumb injury, 1 suppose 
1 can accept it,” Namath said, just after 
New York h 


l lost to Buffalo on Осо: 
ng thei mal 


100m of his apartment, Namath 
about the irony of the facture. 
almost the entire 1966 season with a 
broken bone just above the ankle and 
it didn't bother me much at all,” he re 
marked. “Quarterback is the only posi 
tion where the wristbone 1 broke could 
keep а player out of the line-up—at 
every other spot, they'd just cut off the 
cast on Sunday mornings. tape it and 
pad it and send you in to play." But by 
siuing out the тем of the schedule, 
Namath felt he could judge how much 
he'd miss not playing which would de- 
iine whether he'd be back next season. 
Ming on the side lines hasn't been 
Namath continued. “Ive been 
Iping Al Woodall, our substitute qu: 
terback, call plays and Гуе found o 
that 1 know a lot about running a te 
1 hope this won't sound like I'm br: 
ging, but 1 really don't think there are 
1j coaches who know the game 
n I do. You know, if they took 
the politics out of coaching, and by that 
1 mean not worrying about the coach 
having the right image, I think 1 could 
be a great coach. Let somebody else take 
care of public relations and let some 
body else take care of beir neral 
m ach has one thing to do, 
and that’s to win, period. Well, the 
only way a guy like me can really beat 
somebody is out on that football field." 
Which is why Namath will show up 
to play again next s о Mickey 
Mouse fracture is going to do him in; 
theyll have to carry him off the field 
with a totaled knee before he'll allow 
an injury to end his career. Namath 
would like to win another champion- 
ship, but hell sete lor one more fling 
of autumnal glory. Movies aren't а bad 
way to make a big buck, but for Joe 
Namath, football is still where it’s at: 


ENVIRONMENT (continued from page 150) 


to pay property owners for the right to 
route flights over their land. We also 
ought to consider setting a luxury charge 
on electric power; the threatened brown- 
outs and blackouts around the country 
from the power- and fuel-supply squeeze 
ought to be ining that we must 
begin to regulate American growth and 
resource usc. As another example of 
building environmental costs into the 
nce sheet, we ought to impose pro- 
¢ penalty charges and court injunc- 
tions immediately on the manufacturers 
of detergents, pesticides and other prod- 
ucts who һауе consistently refused to 
ake into account the environmental and 
health consequences of their goods. 

The question of how much of the cost 
of the environmental cleanup should 
devolve upon the consumer is a difficult 

I don't think there's any doubt, for 
example, that the consumer would have 
to bear some of the cost of the expensive 
cooling systems we should be attaching 
power plants, Yet it i 
true that the frecenterprise system that 
invented mass production surely must be 
hg such cleanup 
costs. As an example, the country's pow- 
er industry could be compelled to com- 
plete a national power grid that would 
shift energy from one coast to the other 
as peak requiremeng shifted. In the ctu- 
ial matter of cleaner automobiles, we 


have a case where competition should 
work to the consumers advantage: My 


guess is that such countries as Japan will 
be able to meet stiff Federal standards 
for auto pollution without tremendous 
price increases. If they can do so, Detroit 
will have to follow sui 
At the Federal level, the President's 
Council on Environmental Quality should 
have the power to hold up any Govern- 
ment project that threatens environ- 
mental destruction. The Government has 
been one of the worst offenders in cn- 
couraging America’s pursuit of quantity 

without regard for the consequences. 
The powerful tools of the Federal 
budget must also be used to encourage 
an environmentally sound distribution 
of tment, growth and population. 
Our cities must be revived in human 
terms; new towns must be opened in our 
neglected rural areas. The top priority 
must be the elimination of urban and 
rural slums, the worst environments in 
Ameri nmental effort that 
docs not confront the intolerable way of 
Ше in the slum—the rats, poor housing. 
ill health, immobility, lack of parks and 
ion, noise, pollution— 


is a cruel waste. 
The idea that a new growth policy 


and en 


onmental control are going to 


destroy our economy is а myth, Water- 
id air-pollution-comrol technology alone 
will be a several-billion-dollara-year bu 
ness very soon—and a significant addition 
to Ше G.N.P. Building the шап 
transit we so urgently need would create 
a huge demand for new technology, capi- 
tal and jobs. And cleaning the environ- 
ment will, as already pointed out, result 
in immense savings. 

A National Land-Use Policy: We must 
establish a national policy for land use 
with enough teeth to halt the kind of 
development for industry, commerce, 
highways and housing that is needlessly 
ravaging the countryside. We desperately 
need a tough Federal statute regulating 
and requiring restoration in the strip- 
mining that has already laid open lands 
equivalent to a lane 100 feet wide and 
1,500.000 miles long. We should enact 
comprehensive coastalzone-management 
legislation—such measures have been 
proposed—and use the Army Corps of 
Engineers’ powerful regulatory authority 
to halt the reckless dredging and filling 
that have obliterated 900 square miles of 
our vital coastal wet lands in the past 
20 years and is cutting a key link in the 
life systems of the sea. 

We must launch a massive program to 
buy up for the public or protect by case- 
ments the remaining ocean and Great 
Lakes shore lines. Already, 95 percent of 


the recreationally useful shore line has 
been gobbled up for private homes. And 
we need a national lakes-restoration pro- 
gram to stop the poor development and 
waste-treatment practices that are de- 
stroying the Great Lakes and thousands 
of other inland lakes. We must set tough 
new controls, carried out with all the 
powers of Government, to regulate the 
laissez-faire urbanization that is devouring 
120,000 acres of land a y 1g out 
everything in its path and causing у 
spread visual blight. Achieving rational 
land use in this country will, of course, 
require new mcuopolitan and regional 


аг, wip 


authorities that have the power to imple- 


ment plans, to climinate the conflicts 
among the thousands of state and local 
agencies and to veto programs that 
violate environmental guidelines. 

4 National Policy on Air and Water 
Quality: We must establish a policy with 
standards tough enough to result in the 
actual enhancement of the environment. 
Very simply, the standards must require 
every industry, municipality and Govern- 
ment facility to install immediately the 
best pollution-control. equipment avail- 
able. And as better wastetreatment sys- 
tems are designed, they must be installed 
without delay. The penalties for viola- 
tion of these pollution-control standards 
ust be, again, prohibitive fines and court 
à junctions. 

Because of the ever increasing quantity 
and complexity of our wastes, the national 


"You never complained about my nymphomania 
n 


before we were married! 


259 


goal in the near future must in most 
cases be treatment approaching 100 per- 
cent effectiveness. Nothing short of a 
Federal-assistance program to municipali- 
ties on the gigantic scale of the Interstate 
Highway Program will achieve this 
objective. Further, we must immediately 
conduct a national industrial survey to 
determine the exact breakdown of the 
wastes from every plant in the country 
and vastly increase our monitoring-and- 
surveillance program. We must also set 
a national deadline of 1975 for a near- 
pollution-free engine in all new cars. 

A National Policy on Recycling Solid 
Wastes: We must find new uses for waste- 
paper, bottles, cans, jars and other trash, 
turning them into valuable new re- 
sources, There is really no alternative, 
for we produce seven pounds of waste per 
capita per day in the United States. 
Thats 145 pounds annually for every 
man, woman and child in the world. It is 
estimated that by 1976, wastes from pack- 
ging alone will come to 661 pounds per 

year for every American; that’s a grand 
total of more than 66,000,000 tons. 

A National Policy on Resource Man- 
agement: We need a national policy to 
halt the plunder of our mineral, timber 
and publicland resources. This таре of 
the earth is being carried out with utter 
disregard for recreation, wilderness and 
the preservation of the life-support sys- 
tems on which our survival depends. We 
must declare a moratorium on the drill- 
ing of any new undersea oil wells on the 
outer continental shelf until we need the 
oil and have the technology to avoid 
Santa Barbara-type di 
there are more than 10.000 spills of oil 
and other hazardous materials in the U. S. 

We must also maintain the policy of 
protecting our national forests in pe 
petuity, These are now threatened by 
intensified industry pressures to vastly 
increase national forest timber-cutting, 
‘And we should аса immediately to imple- 
ment the National Wilderness Act of 
1964 to preserve the remaining shreds of 
America's wild lands, a program now 
bogged down in the Federal bureaucracy. 

A National Oceans Policy: To avoid 
the greatest disaster of all, pollution of 
the sea, we must establish a national 
oceans policy outlawing the use of the 
oceans by cities, industries, vessels and 
the Federal Government as dumping 
grounds for everything from nerve gas to 
junked automobiles—a step 1 proposed 
last February in the first such legislation, 
Most marine scientists say that if we 
continue to use the sea as the trash can 
for the world, all edible and otherwise 
useful marine life will be destroyed in 25 
to 50 уе, 

A National Policy of Technology As 

260 sessment: A new national policy also must 


PLAYBOY 


be established declaring that pesticides, 
detergents, fuel additives, the SST— 
all the plethora of products turned out 
for a consumer society—will not be al- 
lowed in the market place until they are 
tested and meet both environmental and 
health standards. A national technology 
review board should be established iı 
mediately by Congress to formulate those 
standards. We must also take immediate 
steps to eliminate slow-degrading "chlo- 
rinated hydrocarbon" pesticides and find 
an environmentally safe alternative for 
the phosphate base in detergents. 

A National Transportation Policy: We 
must establish a national policy that 
will offer mobility for Americins with 
out the social and environmental con- 
sequences of the present emphasis on 
more and more automobiles and more 
and more highways. In order to p 
the flexibility and freedom provided by 
the automobile, it is essential that we 
have adequate masstransportation sys 
tems to relieve the pressure; as а first 
step, we should earmark monies from the 
Highway Trust Fund for such a program. 

A National Policy on Population: We 
should establish a national policy whose 
objective is stabilizing our population 
growth, with a program of intensive 
research into all the means of effective 
and safe family planning, and a broad 
educational effort making this informa 
tion available to all who desire it. In all 
likelihood, it will be impossible to pre- 
serve an environment of quality if world 
population continues to double and rc- 
double every few decades, By any stand- 
ard of environmental measurement, the 
United States is already overpopulated. 
If this country cannot manage the wastes 
produced by 205,000,000 people, it will 
be с: rophic if we reach 300,000,000, 
as is possible within the next 30 years. 

A National Policy of Citizens’ Environ- 
mental Rights: Finally, a national policy 
must be established that recogn 
person's right to а decent еп 
that gives the citizen standing in court 
to protect this right against abuse by 
other individuals, by industry or by 
public agencies. As matters now stand, 
the individual often finds himself with 
no remedy in the face of the pollution of 
a lake that belongs to the public or the 
dirtying of the air he must breathe or the 
shattering din to which he is subjected. 
"Го strengthen every individual's hand, 1 
propose amending the Constitution to 
Every person has the inalienable 
right to a decent environment. The 
United States and every state shall guar- 
antee this right 


read: 


These are the specific first steps that 
should be taken at the Federal level. But 
they can't possibly work without the 


great weight of public concem and com- 
mitment behind them. In the past few 
months, we've seen environmental action 
groups organizing nationwide, building 
from the local and state levels up, to 
launch a sustained environmental effort. 

We should now declare an annual 
Earth Week, to be held the third week 
in April, as a time of assessment in 
which every community, every city, every 
state—and the nation as a whole—could 
spell out the specifics of the en 
tal performance gap. The environmental 
groups should take inventory of local and 
at hearings for 
s and enforcement and 
Campaign for candidates who will take 
strong. environmental stands. 

Up to now, ше decisions that have de- 
stroyed our environment have been made 
in the board rooms of giam corpora- 
tions, in the thousands of Government- 
ncy offices protected from public 
y by layers of burcaucracy—and 
even in the frequently closed. committee 
rooms of Congress. Now the public is 
rightfully demanding that these matters 
be brought out into the open and in- 
sisting that environ 
advocates be installed іп the Federal 
vencies aud on the corporation boards. 
To those who will say it can't be done 
because "profit" and “progress” as we 
know them may have to suffer, I say that 
the cost of not acting will bc far greater 
than anything we have yet imagined. 

We have seen American institutions 
turn tail in the face of the grave new 
challenges of the modern age. Govern- 
ment, industry, the universities and even 
the churches have become patrons of the 
American cult of abundance—at the sac- 
rifice of our most precious national herit- 
age. Millions of citizens of all walks of 
life, all ages, all political persuasions are 
heavy with doubt about the ability of 
our system to perform. Their confidence 
and hope in the American way of life 
have been breached by the sad history 
of our recent past. And because of this 
new disill nd a growing im- 
patience, it is highly doubtful that we 
will be permitted the time to muddle 
through—until the oceans are so pollut- 
cd that they won't sustain life, until the 
air is so unbreathable that our cities will 
have to be domed, until the water be- 
comes too filthy to purify for bathing, let 
alone for drinking. The question is 
whether we cin join together in a mas- 
sive, cooperative effort to preserve the 
integrity and livability of our environ- 
ment before it’s too late, We have the 
means, but only if we have the will. 


ronmen- 


regional problems, testify 
tough stani 


ionment 


TERMINAL MISUNDERSTANDING 


“Ne 
me.” 
There was something suddenly hard 
and cold and dangerous in her voice. I 
turned toward her on the leatherette 
scat; our knees touched; she moved hers 
away instantly. 1 searched her face and 
found her eyes. 
"Thank you for what 
“For going through with i 
causing any trouble. 
Jennifer,” 1 said, “there was never 
any question of you and Adam getting 
ried. You didn't want it, he di 
want it, your parents didn’t want it 
I don't recall anybody ever asl 


Mr. Eisler, you can really thank 


1 asked. 
For not 


us. 
“It was our understa 
"I loved your son," Jennife 
“It was our understanding- 
“Oh, the hell with you and you 
derstanding,” she said. "Nobody ask 
what we wanted 
we were 100 young 
too uncommitted 
“Nobody forced you into 
verybody 


ding” 
said. 


d us 
verybody just assumed. 


nd too stupid and 


cussed this com- 
pletely at the time. It was our under- 
standing that you and Adam wanted the 


I loved that goddamn son of yours,” 
she said and suddenly she was crying. 

My first reaction was to look quickly 
around the bar. The only person watch- 
ing us was the waiter 1 turned to Je 
fer, covered her hand with my own 
s jennifer. Please.” 

y if want to,” she said 
ight, cry. But here, take this, dry 
г eyes.” 
“We should 


t have told you,” she s 
mn handkerchief!” 


“We should have just gone off and got 
married and never told any of you about 
it 

"OK. but that's not what” 
Ve should have known 
You're all full of crap, each and every 
one of you. Honest Sam Fisler. Sends an. 
ghteen-ycar-old kid to Puerto Rico for 
an abortion! I was only eighteen! I 
it, I don’t want your fucking 
chief!” she and shoved my hà 
aside. 

The waiter mate . He w: 
wearing a stern and ominous look, He 
studied me solemnly for a moment 
then said, “This person bothering you, 


better. 


miss?” 
Without looking up at him, Jennifer 
said, “No, you're bothering me! Would 


you please go away and leave us alone?” 
"Because if he is, miss” 
“Oh, my God!” Jennifer said. 


(continued from page 108) 


“IE he is —" 
Jennifer suddenly seized my hand 
ficrcely and looked up at the waiter, her 
eyes glistening, her face streaming tears. 
This man is my lover,” she stid. “We 


"che waiter said. 


“Him: 
“Him, yes! We meet here secretly at 


the Chicago airport, and now you're ruin- 
ing everything for us.” She rose quick- 
ly "Come on. Sam," she said, "lets 
get out of here," and walked swiftly 
ay from the table, } paid the check 
iter apologized yet another 
time, Then 1 collected the luggage 
carried it in two uips to where Jem 
was waiting outside the 
was dry. Her eyes still glistened. 

"Well" she said, “thank you for the 
drinks, Mr. Eisler.” 

1 prefer Sam," I said. 

“Sure,” she said. "Sam." She nodded 
and said. "Played your cards right. Sam, 
you could have had yourself а gay old 
time here in Chicago.” 


while the м 


“Never was a very good cardplayer, 
sud, 

‘Not even in the old days, Mr. Eisler. 
Not even when two scared kids came to 
you and asked for advice. Is a sl 
you didn't understand what they needed 
from you." 

“What did they need, Jennifer 
“They didn't need an abortion 


ne 


what they needed.” 
laybe you should have known wl 
they needed. 


"I mean 


ice caught, and 1 was sure 
n crying again. But in- 
1. she picked up first one suitcase 
the other, and then the wig box, and 
тозса her bag back over her shoulder 
and brushed her hair away from her face 
amd walked off to try to catch a flight 
back to San Francisco, which was home. 


“Just watch yourself, young fellow. 1 may not know 
the law, but 1 know what I like.” 


261 


SAVING THE CITIES 


the cities grow so sick that their very 
survival is now questioned by editorial 
writers, columnists, essayists, mayors and 
many others? Old age, partly; changing 
technology, part! equate gove 
mental structuring, partly. But the most 
pernicious influences of all have been 

thy and neglect. Obsolescence 
as built into the cities. Again, let's take 
Gleveland as an example. Two thirds of 
the city’s housing is more than 50 years 
old. Most of it is frame construction. 
Much of it was built close to plants, 
factories and warehouses, ensuring its 
rapid decline in many cases because of 
the action of smoke and fumes on wood 
d paint. And when you two or 
more generations using housing before 
moving on, new occupants and govern- 
ments facc monumental problems. 

Lct me comment parenthetically оп 
the phenomenon of “moving on." It al- 
ways has been the function of a city to 
һе а temporary haven for those on the 
way up the economic and social ladder 
—indeed, a place providing the employ- 
ment, edu al and cultural opportur 
ties that enabled individuals and familics 
to move on and ош. It is significant, 
in this regard, to recall that by the time 
Cleveland was incorpora an Ohio 
city іп 1836—40 General 
Moses Cleaveland, heading a surveying 
party for the Connecticut Land Company, 
had selected the mouth of the Cuyahoga 
River as the site for a settlement—all but 
two of the original families had moved 
out. Years later, John D. Rockefeller, Sr, 
became involved in a legal dispute with 
the state and the city of Cleveland over 
tax payments and finally moved out of 
Ohio, So anyone who tries to tell mc 
have fled or are flecing the 
ively 
recent in-migration of black folks knows 
neither his history nor his sociology. 

Changing technology has dramatized 
the obsolescence of the city as well as 
contributed to it. I refer not only to the 
automobile, which made street patterns 
d traffic controls in the older indus- 
trial cities obsolete and permitted people 
to live at greater distances from their 
jobs, but also to the changing require- 
ments of business and industry. Instead 
of vertical plants and warehouses on 
railroad sidings. the new requirements 
were for onestory plants, served by 
trucks, with acres and acres of asphalted 
parking space for employees’ cars and a 
hit of green grass and landscaping to 
qualify for a beautification award from a 
trade magazine and а tax write-off from 
Uncle Sam. Within the plants, of course, 
were assembly lines, forklift trucks and 
other dictators of horizontalit: 

The outward flow of city residents was 
greatly accelerated by FHA guaranteed 
mortgages in the years after World War 
262 Two. People for whom the central city 


PLAYBOY 


(continued from page 118) 


would otherwise have remained a haven 
were encouraged to leave by FHA and 
GI Bill guarantees. They were also capti- 
vated by the suburban vision of green 
grass, lesser density (you can love your 
neighbors if there are fewer of them), 
outdoor grills and the friendly cop who 
lived next door and sent his kids to the 
same school as yours. But given the small 
lots preferred by housing developers and 
the increasing tax demands for schools, 
transportation, sewer construction and 
other municipal services, it has become 
apparent that the suburban oasis has 
proved to be a mirage for many. 

Those who moved out, fooled or not, 
e for the most part economically ad- 
aged. And increasingly, those who 
remained or who were drawn to the cen- 
tral city were the economically dependent 
—the Southern Negro, the Appalachian 
and the Southern white, the Indian and 
the elderly. The Southern Negro and the 
Appalachian white came to the city se 
ing the employment, educational and 
cultural opporumities that the city had 
provided. previous generations of May 
flower types, farmers’ sons and daughters 
and central, southern and 
peans. But they arrived to find the city 
far less financially able to deal effectively 
with their problems Шап it had with 
the very similar plight of their urban 
predecessors. 

As a direct consequence of these mi 
grations, Cleveland has been declining in 
population since 1950, when the U.S. 
census showed a population of nearly 
915,000, and it has been declining as à 
percentage of the population of its re 
gion since 1910. Then. the central city 
had 84.9 percent of the population of 
the total metropolitan In 1970, 
Cleveland's proportion. of the regional 
population was 36.2 percent. At the same 
с. the population of the central city 
has become ever more dependent upon 
government. In 1940, the U.S. census 
showed that 75 percent of the popu 


wi 


tion of the city of Cleveland was com- 
posed of those in their most economically 
productive years—15 10 64 years of age. 


In 1965, that age group made up only 
60 percent of the total and when the 
1970 figures are broken down shortly, 1 
suspect that they will show even fewer 
wage-carning residents and more of the 
very young and of the very old. 
Certain economic trends әке also sigy 
icant, because they indicate the grow’ 
inability of the city to serve this growing 
concentration. of citizens who most need 
government services. As the populat 
has shifted outward, neighborhood r 
uade has gone along with it, In 1948, 
there were more than 67,000 retail em- 
ployees 14. Then, the central 
city had 81 percent of all retail employ- 
ment in the region, By 1967, the number 


of retail employees in the city was 16,000 
and Cleveland was down to 44 percent 
of the total regional retail employment 
The trend was even more pronounced 
dollar volume of retail trade. In 19 
retail sales in Cleveland were 60 perce! 
of the metropolitanarea total; іп 1967, 
Cleveland had only 39 percent of the 
total, And the trend іп wholesaling hay 
been much the same. 

Although there һауе been substantial 
increases in the number of employees and 
dollar volume in financial and business 
services and in the advertising and com 
munications fields, the over-all impact оп 
the city of these economic trends has 
been a drastic erosion. of the revenues 
from property taxes, on which the city's 
services and schools һауе traditionally 
relied. "The city's revenues have also 
been pinched by freeway construction, 
which has removed huge areas of land 
from the tax rolls. Another problem is 
the increasing concentration in the cen- 
tral city of its most valuable institutions 
—educational facilities, hospitals, mu- 
seums, libraries, churches, symphony halls 
and charitysupported organizations, all of 
which in one way or another require city 
services for their use and enjoyment. Yet 
none of these institutions pays taxes. Six 
y worth of Cleve- 
land veal estate—25 percent of the po- 
tential total assessment nontaxable, 
representing an annual loss to the city. at 
present property-tax rates, of 511.000.000. 
As а result, the major hnancial burden is 
inevitably shifted not only to the city- 
sed corporations but also ro the ind 
vidual property owners, whose tax r 
must continually be inr 

Many of these difficult 
the crucial financial problems—continue 
to exist because the structure of go 
ірейей elloris to шесі the 
5. State legislatures have con- 
пей to reflect formulas that favor ru- 
ral or suburban areas in the distribution 
of money for education. housing. welfare 
and health care. The Baker vs. Carr 
decision of the U. S. Supreme Court—the 
oneman, onevote rulin| 
hope to mayors of big cities th 
would be delivered from vural domi 
tion at the statchouse. But it с 
lare, The population, as indicated, had 
shifted from the city proper to the sul 
urbs and exurbs; thus, even with reap- 
portionment, central cities are far from 
е state legis 


-gave 


те too 


adequately represented in d 
latures. The legislator from the suburb 
the 


u: n for 
ghetto—the problems of welfare 
ents, the aged and the other minority 
groups who are imprisoned there, the 
complex problems of educating the cco- 
nomically and culturally disadvantaged 
than did the farmer whose he 
took. 

So 1 am not very optimistic about any 
plans for Federalrevenue sharing that 


ly has no more conca 


would permit governors and/or state leg- 
atures to oversee the distribution of 
funds piously earmarked by Washington 
for the cities. Revenue sharing is sound 
in principle, however. That is the direc 
tion in which we must go—and go far in 
order to meet the problems of the cities. 
Thirty years ago, local government col- 
lected two thirds of ШІ tax revenues. 
Today, the situation is exactly reversed: 
The Federal Government collects two 
thirds of all tax revenues and local gov- 
ernment only one third. That is why it is 
so important to reorder our national 
priorities, That is why the Federal Gov- 
ernment must come to realize d 70 
percent of the population of the county 
now lives in urban arcas, and that what 
this country needs is not a good five-cent 
cigar or a "Southern strategy" but an 
urban strategy—one that will preserve 
and strengthen the democratic processes 
and make the American dream of equal 
opportunity more real for those of our 
citizens who are locked in the ghettos of 
our big cities. 

I am tempted to propose that state 
government be done away with and the 
Congress be reconstituted. Instead of a 
Senate composed of two members from 
each of the 50 states, I would propose an 
upper House composed of 100 representa- 
tives from the 50 largest metropoli 
arcas, one to be elected from uie central 
city of each metropolitan area and one at 
large. For state guvernment—an ubviuus 
anachronism—I would substitute region- 
al government, which could address itself 
properly to area-wide problems such as 
water pollution, intercity transport: 
economic development and planning, 

But the form is not really important. 
What essential is to find ways and 
means to end the apathy and neglect 
1 
the decline of Ше сі 
of urban lite, Solutions will come only 
when Americans realize that they 
no alternative to saving the cities. Subu 
bia is no escape. Suburbs become cities, 
swith all their needs for municipal 
ices, with voter resistance to tax mi 
with sewage-trearment ind garbage- 
disposal problems, with rising crime rates 
and with schools to be built and staffed. 
I don't think new towns are an alterna 
tive, either. Like suburbs, they, too, be- 
come cities; and although they may be 
better planned initially and benefit at 
the start from а peculiarly American 
pioncer optimism, they will find it im- 
possible to create overnight or even ox 
decades a Cleveland. Orchestra, with its 
Severance Hall, a Columbia Un y. 
a Golden Arch, a University of Chicago 
or a Golden Gate Bridge. 

The cities of America represent such 
tremendous investment of time, спору, 
talent, ingenuity, hope and human re- 
sourees that they cannot and must not be 


have permitted, even encouraged, 


y and the quality 


“How can we prevent pregnancy? We don't 
even know what causes it.” 


writen off, Their decline must be ar 
rested. They must be restored, revital 
ed, improved and strengthened so that 
they can fulfill their destiny, their mis- 
jon—aiding the weak, enriching Ше 
spirit of all and ennobling civilization as 
we have inherited it and contributed to 
it in this second half of the 20th Century. 
A few strides in the right direction 
have been made in Cleveland. After the 
assination of Dr. Martin Luther King, 
Jr, in April 1968, technical and profes: 
sional people from throughout the met- 
ropolitan area sat down with my cabinet 
to devise a pr 10 meet immediate, 
pressing problems. The result was the 
Cleveland: NOW! program, which allo- 
cated 517,000,000 over the € 
months in the areas of housing, e 
ment, summer youth programs, urban 
renewal and neighborhood conserva 
small-business assistance and deyclop- 
ment and policy planning and evalu 
Чоп. We established specific goals in 
several areas—1600 new or rehabilitated 
dwelling units for low- and moderate- 
income familics, 11,000 jobs or job- 
training opportunities for the hard-core 
unemployed, summer youth programs that 


would reach, or attempt to reach, the 
most alienated. We reached these goals 
in most cases—and surpassed them in 
some. 

Although the bulk of the money, more 
than $140,000,000, came from the Feder- 
al Government, the private sector was 
directly engaged. We sought $11,250,000 
from Corporations, foundations and in- 
dividuals in niquely successful cam- 
paign Гог seed money from private sources 
for governmental. progr School ch 
dren gave nickels and dimes; corpor; 
tion executives living in the suburbs gave 
hundreds and hundreds of dollars; a re 
tired couple contributed 51,000,000 in 
stocks. Because local government was of 
fering and providing the leadership and 
direction that had been wanting before 
the result was total involvement of the 
broad community in the city's future 
Because of the success of this program 
in reordering priorities 10 put first things 
first, 1 am compelled to suggest to the 
Nixon Administration 


263 


PLAYBOY 


264 


GAMES .oninuea һо» page 91) 


enjoy playing with people's minds—or 
might things get a bit more kinky? 

Who Am I? is a bloody-good indoor 
sport, especially when the players are 
relatively imaginative—and rather high. 
When you think enough blood has 
flowed, send up the white flag and de- 
dare a winner—the one a majority of 
those interrogated feel asked the cruelest 
questions. Then hand him the door prize 
—his coat—and bid him good night. 
Chances are he'll be happy to leave; but 
if tears begin to well up as you push 
out the door, grant a reprieve and invite 
him to stay for the next game. He may 
be sorry. 


LIFEBOAT 


This is che most demonic of our un- 
holy trilogy of indoor sports. A new round. 
of drinks is mandatory, for you may have 
noticed that an uneasy silence has settled 
upon the room. Have your guests pull 
their chairs as close together as possible, 
roughly in the shape of a lifeboat, with 
you at the bow. 

“We're all in a lifeboat, drifting at sea,” 
you explain, “with no land or rescue in 
sight. The is slowly sinking because 
Шегез too much weight on board and 
there's not enough food. А school of 
hungry tiger sharks has discovered our 
plight and established a gradually dimin- 
ishing perimeter around the boat. Soon 
the stern will be underwater and we'll 
all be lost—unless a few of you are 
tossed overboard.” 

Everyone in the boat must now take 
turns trying to convince the group, as 
truthfully as possible, why he or she 
should be kept aboard and why another. 
person on the boat should be thrown to 
the sharks. The other person named must 
argue to save his neck and you, as the 
host-captain, must act as moderator—put- 
ting the final vote to the other passengers. 

“Let's begin with Armond.” you say. 
Armond has been chafing ever since the 


opening rounds of Categories, when 
someone said he had all the virility of a 
stud field mouse. Armond isn't known 
for his ability to tak е. 

He thinks for a minute, “Sally,” he 
says, turning to a sensitive young divor- 
cee who's into her third year of psycho- 
analysis and is just beginning to find 
herself, “You have to get out of the bo: 
You've got no kids and no husband —— 

“So what?" 

“You're a loose end. 

"Loose end? Wha'd'ya пи 
end 

‘Everybody else here is part of a team. 
You know—married, engaged, going to- 
gether. A team. You're the logical one to 
get out.” 

“What is this—Noah’s ark? You're the 
опе who should get out. You weigh more 
than I do.” 

“АП the men weigh more, Sally, If 
they got out, then you'd have a lifeboat 
full of girls and nobody suong cnough 
to row. 

“We've got no place to row to anyway. 
‘The important thing is that I'm lighter 
than you 

"You're lighter, all right, you god- 
damn featherhead. Now try to under- 
stand this. Everybody here but you is 
going with somebody or is married to 
somebody or is living with somebody 
who's on board and you're not. Your an- 
alyst wouldn't come with you tonight, so 
you're all alone. You're odd baggage. You 
don't fit. There's no reason why you 
should stay on board. Lets take a 
vote 

“Take а vote. Just like that?” 

“Just like that.” 

“I can't go overboard.” 

“Why not?” 

"Because . . . because . . . because I'm 
pregnant. 
Armond goes over the side, As the 
ght wears on, the seas get progres- 
vely rougher. The sharks get hungrier. 


‚ а loose 


“Like to see what this baby can do?” 


Tongues crack like bullwhips. Drinks are 


doubled and redoubled. Your ex-friends 
head for the john just to get away from. 
the waves of tension that hang thick 
in the room's still air, as visible as 
the smoke wafting from cigarettes stulfed 
into overflowing ashtrays. Lifeboat is no 
longer a game. It’s gut surviv 

The number of passengers is down to 
four. They're really into it. Locked on. 
Nobody budging an inch. Egos and lives 
ar stake mk and his best friend, 
Arthur, have been at it for five minutes. 
It began politely enough, with a few 
gentle taps, but it's escalated q 
heavy slugging. 

“You're lousy in the clutch.” Arthur 
says, “and you're scared. You always run 
scared. Everybody can sec it in your face. 
A lot of damn good you'll be” 

“I'm up to my eyeballs 
gant bullshit. Nobody listens, but you 
keep shoveling. Well, shovel on, dumb- 
ass. I'm smarter than you. 1 th 
I get jobs done. I'm what's 1 
surviv 

“IL you're our survival, you little piece 
of crap, God help us. Look at him. Look 
at him. He can't even look anyone in the 
сус. Is that what you want? A scrawny 
little aecountant who can't count to 
twenty unless his shoes are off? What are 
you going to add where we're going, pin- 
head? Coconuts and as? Do you 
want a miserable, sniveling, contemptible 
little worm or a man who can pull his 
own weight?” 

“Do you want to be marooned on 
island with a vicious bastard like that? 
For a month? Or a year? Or forever? Do 
you want Herr Gruppenführer with you 
24 hours a day, 365 days a year, forever? 
Do you want a friend or a Irs 
not me against him, it's him against all 
of you. Kill him. Kill him before he kills 
you. Get him now or he'll get you 
Thats where it’s at. Get him. Not me. 
Him. Him" 

Eventually, the game of Lifeboat w 
end with. no real winners but. many sad- 
der and wiser losers. And so the evening 
comes to an end. Chances are there will 
be no lingering at the door, few friendly 
ewells. Couples who came корейи 
шау depart separately. Merry Christmas- 
es are unlikely to ring out in the stillness 
of the cold winter night. And certainly 
few Happy New Years. For some, Christ- 
mas may not arrive at all. They'll be 
busy with their lawyers, arranging for 
alimony and child support. Others may 
wish to take an abrupt holiday abroad— 
perhaps in Patagonia or the Seychelle: 
You may wish to join them. 

The abo all conjecture, of course, 
for the holiday season is upon us and it's 
time for wassailing and mistletoe. Should 
you be called on to preside over an 
evening's entertainment, however, you 
know what to do. Let the games begin! 


ELEGANT FARI 


BUCKWHEAT CREPES 


34 cup butter 


Туё cups milk 

% cup water 

1 teaspoon salt 

36 cup buckwheat flour (stone-ground, 

if possible) 

1% cup white all-purpose flour 

Melt butter over low flame. Skim foam 
from top. Pour butter into bowl. dis- 

1 bottom of pa 

Set aside. Put eggs, milk, water, salt, both 
kinds of flour and 2 tablespoons of the 
clarificd butter into blender. Blend 15 
seconds at high speed. Stop blender and 
scrape sides. Blend y minute more. 
Four batter into bowl. Preheat Swedish 
castivon platter pan: ie, a pan with 7 
sections Гог making pancakes. 
Place pan over moderate flame: adjust 
flame from time to time as necessary. 
Brush pan with clarified butter. Fill cach 
section with about 2 teaspoons batter. 
Tilt pan if necessary to spread batter 
completely. Fry until light brown. Turn 
to brown lightly on other 
у made as par- 
ty progresses or they may be made in 
advance, covered with aluminum foil, 
chilled and then reheated in a slow oven 
until warm, 


CLEAR TURTLE AND TOMATO SOUP 


3 Ibs. fresh tomatoes 

6 egg whites 

3 medium-size onions, chopped fine 

2 carrots, chopped fine 

2 lecks. chopped fine 

4 quarts chicken broth 

2 bay leaves 

6 whole cloves 

12 whole allspice 

14 teaspoon leaf thyme 

Salt, pepper 

210 le meat 

12 cup medium-dry sherry 

6 thin slices lemon 

Remove stem ends from tomatoes; chop 
tomatoes fine. Pour egg whites into soup 
pot. Beat just until they begin to ішіп 
foamy. Add onions, carrots, leeks and 
tomatoes, mixing well. Pour in cold 
chicken broth. Add bay leaves, cloves, 
allspice and thyme. Slowly bring to a 
boil. Vegetables and egg whites will co- 
here during cooking, Simmer slowly 114 
hour. Let soup cool slightly. Strain 
through a double thickness of cheese- 
cloth. Add salt and pepper if necessary. 
A few drops of red coloring may be 
added if desired. Remove turtle meat 
from cans, reserving turtle broth in caus. 
Cut turtle meat into 14-in. dice. In sauce- 
pan, combine turtle broth, turtle meat 
and sherry. At serving time, reheat soup 
and turtle mixture separately. Divide 


1-07. CANS tui 


(continued [rom page 116) 


turtle mixture among soup plates or cups. 
Pour clear soup into plates or cups. Cut 
lemon slices in half; float a half on each 
portion. 


LOBSTER SOUFFLE 


3 143b. freshly boiled-live lobsters 

34 Cup butter 

2 bay leaves 

% cup very finely minced onion 

54 cup all-purpose flour 

3 cups hot milk 

1⁄4 cup dry white wine 

Salt, pepper 

12 egg yolk: 

12 egg whites 

Remove meat from lobster shells. Save 
tomalley and roe, if any. Break roe apart. 
Cut meat into small dice no larger 

п. Butter 12 individual soufflé 

li4-cup capacity each or 2 
2-quart soufflé dishes. Melt butter with 
bay leaves over low flame. Add onion 
and sauté until onion is yellow but not 
brown. Remove from flame and stir in 
flour, blending well. Slowly stir in hot 
milk, mixing well with wire whisk. Ке 
turn to moder 


bcaten 


ге flame and cook, stirring 
frequently, about 5 minutes. Remove 
from flame. Remove bay leaves from 


sauce. Stir in lobster, tomalley, roe and 
wine. Add salt and pepper to taste. Pre- 
heat oven at 375°. Let sauce stand 15 
to 30 minutes at room temperature. Stir 
in egg yolks. blending well. Beat egg 
whites until stiff but not dr 


until they form soft peaks and will not 
flow from bowl when it is tipped. They 
should not be so stiff that they have lost 
their shine. Gradually fold egg whites 


are large. Serve at once. 


ROAST CROWN AND SADDLE OF LAMB 


2 crown roasts of lamb, prepared by 
butcher, 14 to 16 ribs each 
1 whole saddle of lamb (double loin 
cut across back) 
Salad oil 
Salt, pepper 
1 quart stock 
1 tablespoon m 
4 tablespoons 
2 tablespoon 
sherry 
3 tablespoons sweet butter 
Normally, 2 crown roasts and 1 whole 
saddle are sufficient for 12 people. For 
extra-hearty trenchermen, another saddle 
may be added. Be sure backbones have 
been completely removed from crown 
roasts for carving. Ends of rib bones 
should be trimmed off meat and covered 
with aluminum foil. Have butcher cut 
off tough flanks of the saddle, They may 
be boiled and used for the stock 
or they may be used another time for а 
stew. Remove meat from refrigerator | 
hour before roasting, Pıchcat oven at 
375°. Place meat in shallow roasting pan. 
Brush lightly with oil; sprinkle with salt 


extract 
wroot or cornstarch 
lira or mediumdry 


m 


“I just thought of a good deed you could do. . . . 


» 


265 


PLAYBOY 


266 


and pepper. Roast 114-134 hours, de- 
pending on doneness desired: lamb con- 
noisscurs prefer the meat slightly pink. 
While meat is roasting, bring stock and 
meat extract to a boil. Dissolve arrow- 
root in 2 tablespoons cach of cold water 
and madeira. Slowly add to stock. stirring 
constantly. Simmer 5 minutes. бес aside. 
When meat is completely roasted, remove 
it from pan. Pour off fat from pan. Add 


stock, scraping pan bottom, and bring to 
a boil over top flame. Simmer 2-3 min- 
utes. Remove gravy from pan. Stir in 
butter; add salt and pepper to taste. Be- 


fore carving. remove foil from rib ends 
They may be garnished by fa 
spiced crab apples or kumquats soaked in 
rum to each rib. Carve crown by cutting 
into chops. Carve loin lengthwise into 
thin strips, not forgetting the two filets on 
the underside of the saddle, Pass ра 
gravy at table. Serve limb with a 12-7. 
jar of black-currant jelly, into which 1 
tablespoon tarragon vinegar has been 
blended with a wire whisk, 


E 


3 


POTATOES 


cups diced potatoes 
2 teaspoons salt 

6 tablespoons butter 

1% cups all-purpose flour 


water to which 1 
teaspoon sult has been added. Cook until 
potatoes are soft. Drain well; mash with 
potato ricer. Do not add the usual butter 

i , heat 11% cups 
ing | teaspoon salt and 
butter until water boils and butter melts. 
Reduce heat. Add flour all at once and 
stir until batter is firm and leaves sides 


atoes in 


“Beat it, Kovarisky, 


of pan. Remove from fire. Turn batter 
по bowl of electric mixer. Add eggs 
onc by one, beating well after each ad- 
dition, Add potatoes and mix until well 
blended. Heat 1 in. oil in electric skillet 
preheated at 970°. Drop potato mixture 
by teaspoons into hot oil. Fry until 
puffed and light brown. Drain on paper 
ing. Place in a single in very 


shallow baking pans or cookie shcets 
in 


freezer. Potatoes will freeze 
At serving time (after 
id soufllés have been removed 
oven), tum oven hea 0°. Bake 
potatoes uncovered 8-10 minutes or until 
medium brown. Sprinkle with sut. 


SAUCE. 


IALTAISE. 


34 Ib. unsalted butter 

9 egg yolks 

2 tablespoons orange juice 

2 tablespoons grated orange rind 

1 tablespoon lemon juice 

Salt, pepper, cayenne 

Melt butter over low flame, Remove 
from fire and skim foam from top. Beat 
egg yolks and orange juice with wire 
whisk in top part of double boiler. Place 
over barely simmering, not boiling, water. 
Top part of double boiler should not be 
in contact with water. Beat constantly 
k, scraping corners and bottom 
; cook just until egg yolks begin 
to turn creamy in consistency. Do not 
wok ший thcy become thick vr fum. 
Turn yolks into bowl of electric mixer. 
Heat butter over low flame until hot. 
With mixer at medium speed, add hot 
butter in dribbles, no more than a table- 
spoon at a time. Do not add solid part of 
melted butter in bottom of pan. When 
all of the butter has been added, turn off 


with whi 


of pa 


TLelkes 


p 


this is a pas de deux! 


mixer. Stir in orange rind and lemon 
juice. Add salt and pepper to taste and a 
dash of cayenne. Sauce may be made in 
advance and kept m a warm, not hot, 
place. It should not be reh 
served lukewarm with broccoli, which has 
been trimmed and boiled. 


CELERY KNOB, FRES 
SWEET PI 


Т MUSHROOM AND 
"PER SALAD 


11% Ibs. celery knobs (celeriac) 
1 1b, fresh firm white mushrooms 
2 large sweet red or green peppers 
1 cup olive oil 
blespoons lemon juice 
blespoons wine vinegar 

1 teaspoon Dijon mustard 

1% teaspoon dry mustard 

2 heads Boston lettuce 

Salt. freshly ground pepper 

Remove leaves and root ends of celery 
knobs. Peel. Вой in salted water until 
tender—usually 20-30 minutes or longer, 
depending on size. First, ан imo thin 
slices, then cut slices crosswise into match: 
stick-size strips. Cut mushroom caps and 
stems same size as celery knobs. Cut 
peppers in quarters lengthwise. Remove 
Y membranes. 
thinnest possible 
tor. Pour olive 
w, both kinds of 
teaspoon зан into 


stem ends, seeds 
Cut 


crosswise into 
‚ Store in геһіш 
n juice, vine; 
and и 


mustard 
blender. Blend at high speed 30 seconds. 


Put celery knobs and mushrooms in bow! 
and pour oliveoil dressing over them; 
toss well. Chill until serving time. Wash 
nd dry lettuce and tear into small 
pieces. At serving time, toss lettuce in 
large salad bowl with celery knobs and 
mushrooms, together with their dressing, 
and peppers. Add salt and pepper. 


SAUCE 


rs pears in creme de menthe 
1 2quart bombe ice 
m 


French-vanilla 
cream or 2 quarts vanilla ice cre: 

2.025. cognac 

2 ozs. creme de menthe 

3 025. white créme de cacao 

Drain pears, reserving juice. 


Ic ice 
H 
pear juice over low flame. Place pears in 
shallow porcelainized iron pan or chafing 
dish. Add about 14 cup pear juice. Н 
ov fing-dish flame for several mi 
utes until pears are warmed. Add cognac, 


«cam among 12 dessert dishes. 


а 


créme de menthe and сгёте de cacao, 
Set ablaze. 


When flames subside, spoon 
into serving dishes alongside 
Add flambéed liquid to pea 
juice and pour over ice cream, 

A felicitous gathering of kindred spirits, 
the holiday feast will be made more so 
with appropriately gala food and drink, 
such as that set forth in the preceding 
recipes, for an ebullient New Year's Eve, 
Let the revels begin. 


winter 

(continued from page 122) 
То Magda, on the other hand, a stone is 
a stone, and that’s that. Now she kept on 
Just as if she hadn't heard what I'd said. 
“I'm telephoning to tell you that they're 
all here, in my flat, and are expecting 
you.” 

“Who's there?” 

“Julius Caesar, Leonardo da Vind, 
Dante Alighieri, Giuseppe Garibaldi, 
Napoleon Bonaparte.” 

I pretended not to se 
answered: "AIL right, I'll get r 
come.” 

I put down the receiver and extracted 
myself with some trouble from the envel- 
oping sheets in which I'd been wrapped 
for two days. As soon as I put my feet to 
the floor, my dachshund, Zen, started 
jumping round me. He hoped I was 
going to take him for a walk, poor beast, 

fter 48 hours of darkness and immo- 
bility. "No, Zen,” I said, "no, lie down, 
there's a good dog" and to keep him 
quiet, T gave him the last biscuit on 
the way. For two days we had been 
living on tea and biscuits, Zen and I. Не 
had eaten almost more than I, but I 
пч feel the least bit ill just the 
contrary. I went to the bathroom, turned 
on the shower and stood with closed 
under the hot rushing water. The 
while it splashed on my back, I siw, as 
in a flash of lightning, thc psychedelic 
design that I would paint on myself. I 
w it in every detail, as if I had already 
painted it. 

I anned off the shower. dried myself 
and. still naked, went to sit on the bed. T 
took the box of makeup pencils and 
began a design on my stomach. I painted 
my nivel to look like an eye, with a blue 
pupil and a black eyebrow; then gradu- 
ally I surrounded this eye with concen- 
tric, wavy arabesques in red. blue, green 
nd yellow, all over y stomach. Be- 
nd the arabesques, as if behind the 
waves of a sea, 1 painted the face of an 
Indian saint, with that single navel-eye, a 
hooked nose with very wide nostrils, 
made by the fold in my belly, a pair of 
big black mustaches and a pointed 
beard, this being the triangle of my 
pubic hair. My belly finished, I went on 
to my thorax. With the black penal, 1 
made a number of stripes across my ribs, 
like those of the figure of death in the 
medieval danse macabre. Then to my 
chest. Although I'm supple and slim as a 
snake, I have, unfortunately, the big bos 
om of a wet nurse. Two breasts, solid as 
two big pumpkins. I decided, after re 
flection, that I hadn't the time to paint 
them. Га have liked to put there two 
figures of Vishnu dancing, with numbers 
of arms and legs and with the nipples 
the centers. АП I did was paint my 
fairly simple style, one green 
with a red. nipple and one red with a 


the joke and 
dy and 


breasts in 


green nipple, T tackled my arms then, 
making a number of blue and red loops 
on them. I painted a yellow exclamation 
mark on шу left hand and а purple 
question mark on my right hand. 1 pro 
ceeded to my face. Grayish powder, no 
rouge, eyes sunken-looking with black 
rings round them. Luckily, I wear my 
hair long and loosc; all that was necded 
was one or two strokes with the brush. 
At this point, the dachshund, poor little 
beast, who'd been gazing ecstatically 
me during all this, came to me, holding in 
his mouth the leash I use when I take 
him for a walk. I took it and patted him; 
then Т started dressing. 

I put on a pair of blackvelvet trousers 
with very wide bell-bottoms and a very 
low waist, so that my painted stomach 
could be эссп. I put on a yellow-leather 
belt with a big purple buckle. Then a 
transparent blouse, black, embroidered 
with gold stus, which I tied below my 
bosom. Under it my green breast and my 
red breast exploded with a fine effect. 
Round my neck I hung five necklaces of 
small money value but great philosoph 
cal si ce. They came from a big 
village below the Himalayas, They were 
brought to me by а boy who had spent 
two months there and had caught hepa- 
. L slipped on my famous rings, three 
to each finger, One had an oval pink 
stone with iridescent green reflections. 
Finally, over the blouse, I put on a 
mauve-velvet cloak. 

But there was the problem of the dog. 
1 did not want to take him with me; 
there's never any knowing how an eve- 
ning may end up. especially at Magda’ 
and I might even lose him. Now he was 
walking with me toward the door, wag- 
ging his tail, and I said, “No, Zen, be a 
good dog. stay here and don't bark.” It 
was а waste of breath. No sooner was 1 
in the hall of the pension than I heard 
him howling furiously 

The owner of the house, а disagree- 
able man, bald as а coot, with the face of 
а the thick neck of a police- 
man, popped out from I don't know 
to me, “Signorina, this 
really won't do. It’s one o'clock in the 
moming and your dog is waking the 
whole place up. Go stop him, or else—— 

Hınviedly. Т waved my hand at him. 
“ls all right, it’s all right. . . . Now 
se call me a taxi.” And I went back 
I opened the door and there 
was the dog, in the middle of the room, 
ing at me with imploring eyes. I took 
ccr, poured imo it most of the 
in which [had dissolved the barbi- 
added a little milk and three 
kets of sugar, The dog, hungry and 
sting, immediately rushed to drink 
from the saucer and I got out again quick- 
ly. I said to the landlord: “You'll sce, he 
t bark anymore now.” 

I jumped into the taxi, threw myself 


а sexton 


wh id suid 


water 
turates, ther 


SCINTILLA,” INC. "ace ia goto 


Now. 
You've got 
a fresh mouth. 


BreathLess.. 


The spray that 
takes your 
breath away. 


New by ChapStiok® 


Experience 
Satin 
Sheets. 


Once your grateful body touches satin, you'll 
know who tha Beautiful People ara. Exquisite. 
washable acetate satin in all your colors: Gold, 
Black, Pink, White, Red, Orchid, Blue, Olive, 
Orange, Mint or Bronze 

SHEET SETS (2 straight sheets, 2 cases) 
Double Set $17.50 Queen Set 
Twin Set 1725 King Set 

3 letter monogram on cases—$1.50 

For fitted bottom sheet, add $2.00 to double or twin 
price; $2.50 to queen, $3.00 to King price. Send check 
‘or money order, 50% deposit on 0.0.0.5, 


$20.49 
23.99 


D" 


“AM Things Exotic in Satin" 


Change 
of Address? 


LABEL ОК OLD ADDRESS HERE: 


1 
1 

| name (lease prin) 
1 

1 aadress 

1 

taty эше 


NEW ADDRESS: 


name (please print) 
address 
спу EEE zip code 


Mail to: PLAYBOY, 


919 N. Michigan Ave. * Chicago, Ill. 60611 


267 


down onto the seat, feeling exhausted. I 


id, “Let's go to Magda's." 

‘The taxi driver asked, "Who's Magda?” 

X answered impatiently, “What d'you 
mean, who is she? Are we still at that 
There's no one in the world who 
nybody. Well, if you want to know, 
my best friend.” 1 give everyone 
the familiar tu, except the landlord of 
the pension, but there are men who mis- 
it for the tu of lovemaking, and the 
driver was onc of those. 

He looked at me with a glance of 
surprise, and of a certain slyness, too, 
saying, “Well, where does she live?” 

I was exasperated; I waved my 
at him and said, "Go on, drive straight 
on and in the end, you'll come across 
Magda." The fact was that I had forgot- 
ten her address and, if a thing has been 
forgotten, what can you do to recall it? 
The driver, а dark young man, not at all 
bad-looking, was now gazing at me pe 
plexed, as though really wondering 
where Magda lived. Then he started the 
nc quickly, put o gear and we 
were off. 

As the taxi hurtled onward, throwing 
me from side to side at every bend in the 
road, I was trying to recall the reasons 
I had wanted to kill myself an hour 
ago. 1 couldn’t decide. The chief reason 
seemed to be that, three days before, Га 
told Magda that I wanted to do it. But I 
had entirely forgotten any other reasons. 
Evidently they were of a philosophi 
kind; nowadays you live, and thus you 
also die, from philosophical motives. Tt 
didn't matter. I would go to Magda's; 
I would dance, say, until five in the morn- 
ing and then I would go back to the 
pension and take the barbiturates. My 
suicide had been merely postponed. 

The taxi stopped with a jerk and T 
looked ош and saw that we were in the 
country: no lampposts, a hedge, some 
trees, a winding lane that looked white 
n the cars hi ights. The driver got 

out, opened the back door, sit down be- 
side me and threw himself onto me with 
rape in mind. He seized hold of my trans- 
parent blouse with the gold stars and tore 
it from my breasts: at the same time, he 
was trying to undo the buckle of my belt. 
I fought back and struggled and, in the 
end, I managed to knee him in the stom- 
ach and throw him back against the side 
of the taxi. Then I spoke calmly. I told 
him that, if he liked, once we arrived 
at Magda’s, he could go up with me 
and have a drink and dance and stay 
with us. Later on, Cecilia, who had no 
home of her own and who was alway 
available, would go with him and make 
love, provided he'd give her a place to 
sleep. IF not Ceci t would be some 
body else. When 1 said this, he gave me 
a really ugly look, like a bull ready to 
charge. Then he did charge. He grabbed 
me by the hair, threw me out of the taxi, 
jumped in again behind the wheel and 
268 drove off at full speed. 


PLAYBOY 


Bruised, dusty, limping, 1 got up and 
hurried down the lane to the main road. 
I sat on a fence and decided to calm 
down by making an effort at contempla- 
tion and identifying with some ordinary 
objea, the first that 1 happened to see. 
‘There, on the edge of a ditch, was a com- 
mon flower, а kind of yellow daisy. 1 
stared at it, isolating myself and concen- 
wating my mind so much that the whole 
world became remote and extraneous to 
me, At first, the flower resisted. In а 

mean, bourgeois way, it asserted its own 
personality as being distinct from mine. 
It defended the color of its petals, the 
shape of its leaves, the length of its root 
as individual characteristics that, accord- 
ing to the flower, would prevent it from 
being merged with me. I tried harder. I 
encircled it with my love; and then. 
though very slowly, the daisy yielded. 
Gradually, 1 felt that I was becoming the 
flower becoming me. 
ion was so pro- 
found that I barely noticed the drivers 
who stopped to ask me the usual idiotic 
stions: "Well, shall we go?” or “How 
h уои or “What's the 
tariff?” and so oi 

By now, it day. The sun shone 
behind a row of trecs, clear and bright аз 
a jewel, and I realized that I was numb 
h cold. So I decided to break off my 
contemplative identification. 1 "withdrew" 
from the flower and the flower withdrew 
hom me. 

I was now just an ordinary girl sitting 
on a fence; the flower was now just an 
ordinary flower growing on the side of 
ditch. I rose with an chort, fecling 
battered and stiff, and ra 
try to get a ride. 

AL Once, а car stopped with a screech 
of brakes. At the wheel sat a middle-aged 
nun; another nun, an elderly woman, was 
ting beside her. On the back seat was 
younger nui t, a mere girl, with 
a white, clean face and pale-blue eyes. 1 
climbed in beside her and the car drove 
оп, The clderly nun asked me my address 
and then, without moving or turning 
round, added, “What were you doing, my 
daughter, sitting on that fence, at seven 
the morn 
1 was id 
Mother.” 

When I said this, the face of the 
le me expanded and red- 
dened, as if she were trying to stille her 
laughter. The elderly one inquired, 
“And why are you got up in that way 

"In what way 

“Why. half- 
colors," 

“To go and sce pian Ў 


fying myself with a daisy, 


ed and with those 


nd shouted, 
you three—we're 
all the sume thing. What a lot of silly 
questions! Arc you still at that stage?” 


“In any case, you're giving offense to 
God by exposing yourself in public like 
that,” said the old nun. 

The young nui this point, took 
hold of the edge of my cloa 
as if to draw it over my ston 
chest, which were, indeed, hı 
But I stopped her. crying, "It's not I who 
should cover myself, it's you who should 
uncover yourself. Show your breasts, your 
belly, your behind. Throw away those 
black yeils. Show yourself naked. Are 
flowers covered, trees, horses, mountaii 
You talk about God and then you hi 
yourself from His sight. Now Im 
to uncover you, ves, I'm going to tea! 
all those ugly black veils.” 

And so, all at once, a kind of fight 
broke out between the nun and me. 1 
was trying to undress her and she was 
resisting. She was very strong. much 
stronger than L so soon she got the 
better of me. I gave up and laid my head 
in her lap. Then I became drowsy and, 
half-asleep, I felt her light hand caress- 
ing my brow and smoothing back my 
hair, Finally, 1 felt the car stop and the 
young nun helped me get out while the 
two others pretended not to see me. All 
at once, T found myself on the pavement 
among a crowd, in front of the door of 
the pension. 1 went in, got into the 
elevator and started going up. 

1 reached the long, dark, evilsmelling 
corridor of the pension. When I opened 
the door of my room, the first thing I 
saw was the dachshund lying on his side 
on the floor, motionless, with eyes closed, 
beside his empty saucer. I thought he 
was asleep. I threw myself onto the bed, 
wrapping myself up in the bedclothes, 
just as I was, and I fell asleep immedi- 
ately. I had a strange dream: I was in 
the lane where I had been last night, 
holding the dachshund on the leash; I 
was walking toward the sun as it was 
ing behind a row of trees. The sun 
rose completely, the sky was filled with 
light. The dachshund said to me: “Untie 
me. let me go. The moment has come for 
Us to part. 1 must go to paradise.” Then 
I bent down and undid the leash and 
immediately, like a flash of lightning, the 
dog тап off in front of me and vanished. 
I was left alone and 1 burst into tears. 
Weeping bitterly, I awoke. 

1 looked down at the dachshund. He 
was still there, stretched out motionless 
beside his saucer, his eyes closed. But 1 
noticed that his lips were slightly parted 
nd that his teeth could be seen. 1 rose, 
and the fist thing I did was to stoop and 
touch his nose. It was cool—a good sign, 
But when I stroked him, І found that his 
body was colder than his nose. I under- 
stood then that the dog was dead, But I 
could not weep; I had already wept in 
my dream, At that moment, somebody 
knocked at the door and a tervible voice 
cried: “Telegram! 

—Translated by Angus Davidson 


“Sir Gawain covers the flanks, Sir Bevedere here 
looks after the rear, while I concentrate on the front— 
we do everything as a team.” 


269 


PLAYBOY 


270 


autumn (continued from page 121) 


balls, sports, cruises and what not. But, 
really, I haven't time for love, which is one 
of those free things you can't make into a 
planned program. Сап you imagine any- 
one writing in an engagement book, "D. 
cember 12-January 20: love"? Love is 
for people who һауе the time, and that 
means people who live outside time. 
D'you know the answer I gave to a society 
reporter who asked me whether love 
played an important part in my life? I 
told her, my well-known, bri 
smile, “I live in airplanes, How can I 
think about Jove when I live in airplanes? 
Lets leave love to people who stay in 
one place.” 

So I sat down on the unmade bed. 
beside the tray with the tea that I still 
hadn't had time to drink, took my big 
engagement book crammed with address- 
es from all over the world, ran my finger 
down the column, looking for Benno's 
as on the point of picking 
But suddenly, T stopped. 
appeared and announced, 


My mai 
“Your sist 

And immediately, my twin sister, Su- 
sanna, came into the room, with a sing- 
song “Hello, Marianna.” 


‘They say that twin sisters have a kind 
of physiological y. If one of them 
gets ill, the other feels the effects. Non- 
sense, I wouldn't go so far as to say that 
Susanna is a stranger to me, but in fact 
she is, almost. It’s quite obvious that we 
are twins; we have the same enormous 
blue eyes, the same fair hair, the 
pointed nose, the same big, red mouth, 
but the resemblance ends there. T am 
high-strung, сагу; Susanna is relaxed, 
languid, phlegmatic. My chief wait is 
nervous quickness, Susanna's is exasper- 
ating slowness. 

These 


ame 


in temperament 

. From 
the start, 1 wanted to be rich, and I've 
succeeded, even though it meant a ma- 
riage de convenance with an elderly 
man, Luckily, he very soon left me a 
widow. Susanna did not want anything; 
she just went on living. In fact, she 
achieved nothing at all. There she was, 
anyhow, and the very sight of her spoke 
for itself. She was dressed like a tramp, 
with a shapeless sweater and faded slacks 
and down-at-the-heel boots. Her naked 
face, with no m: topped with 


“My wije gave it to me for Christmas. The idea 
is to activate your anti-ballistic missile before your opponent 
activates his anti-ballistic missile.” 


a sort of peasant head scarf. I said, “So 
it's you! I've got to leave and I still 
have everything to do. Look, it'd really 
be better if you went away.” 

Not at all. She came toward me with 
arms outstretched. 1 jumped. backward, 
avoiding her embrace, because, to be 
frank about it, she smells. She wasn't 
upset, however, but looked around and 
remarked in that drawling, astonished 
tone of voice she has, "What a lot of love- 
ly dresses! But what a lot of them! You 
certainly have plenty of clothes!” 

Thad taken off my dressing gown and 
was already at the door of the bathroom 
when it occurred to me that I might 
get rid of her by giving her something 
and then sending her to the Devil. I 
turned back, naked and nervous, and 
hurried around the room, collecting a pair 
of slacks I had never worn, а cashmere 
sweater, some perfectly new boots. All 
these I threw at her, saying, "Here you 
are; throw away those stinking clothes 
you've got on. You've got some presents 
now. Then please, please go away: 1 
haven't time." 
very slowly, she 
clothes, looked. them over lei 


took the 
hily, re- 


peated several times a rather unconvinc- 
ing, ironicsounding “Thank you,” and 
then, to my extreme irritation, said quiet- 


ly, “Now ГЇЇ try them on 
try them on, put them on 


o, d 
and go 

She did not listen to me. Very slowly, 
she pulled down the zipper of her slacks 
and slipped them olf. Slowly, she took 
off her sweater. There she stood, in her 
brassiere and panties. They were riddled 
with holes, threadbare and filthy. I was 
furious. “You're dirty, you're foul,” I 
cried. “Before you put on my clothes, 
you've got to be a lot cleaner. Come on, 
now, We'll take a shower togethe 

I tore off her rags and pushed her 
under the shower. She struggled a little, 
protesting and groaning, but she gave in. 
We were now underneath the jet of hot 
I seized the soap and lathered 
а from head to foot. While I was 
soaping her, T realized how different we 
really are. My body is all nerves and 
muscle, as if made for running. No one 
has ever looked at me or contemplated 
me for long, and | have never contem- 
plated anybody else at length. Susanna, 
оп the other hand, is tender and soft 
and smooth, 1 have a feeling that she has 
stood still all her Ше, slowly staring, and 
that she has always let other people 
slowly stare at her. J came out of the 
shower with her, wrapped her up in a 
towel, gave her a quick rub to dry her 
and then pushed her out again into the 
bedroom. 

“Now you're clean and you can put on 
my clothes.” 


We dressed together. Susanna dressed 
so slowly that when she was just slipping 
her kgs into the slacks, I was already 
sitting, completely dressed, in front of 
the table to put on my makeup. I 
watched her in the mirror as she 
finished. Then she began, in a plaintive, 
absent-minded tone of voice, “I come to 
see you only once or twice a year and 
you don't even ask me how the children 
are.” 

Now I was in for it. Three daughters 
by three different men, none of them her 
husband. I am not raising moral ques- 
tions, but 1 don't have time to sort out 
all of her domestic compli 
great hurry, I said, "Ah, yes, how are 
they, how are they? Are they all right— 
sabella and Giannina and Lea?” 
ight, but the 
and with them, clothes are really a prob: 
lem. T solved the problem by m 
clothes, you might say, 
lis down to their feet, skirts down 
to their calves. But they hate that 
пла te ashamed, they're already just as 
grown-up women. 

T was touching Up шу eyes and was 
almost frightened to see how they glit 
tered with anger. ""D'you ive in that 
basement?" I as 

‘No, we've moved. Мете in an attic. 
TUS true there are only two rooms, but 
we have plenty of roof terraces. We're оп 
the outskirts, almost in the country.” 

She was standing just behind me and 
now 1 could not өсе her, but I felt her 
presence and it annoyed. me. From the 
dressing table I picked up, haphazardly, 
a long, gliseming yellow-metal chain, 
studded with a lot of false stones, and 
held it out to her over my shoulder, 
saying, "Put this on, too. And go away. 

I should never have don: She took 
the chain in both ids, looked. at it 
with silent, greedy astonishment, stone 
by stone. She is so extremely slow be- 
cause she takes things in by degrees, 
through her senses, whereas I myself am 
extremely quick because I take things in 
all at once, with my mind. Finally, in 
lazy and yet tempted voice, she said, 
ut I don't want to take it away from 
you. What a gorgeous thing! Are you 
really giving it to me? Dont you need 
en't you going to wear it for your 


1 giving it to you. But it's not for 
wearing round the neck. It goes round 
the 


I did not answer her this time. I 
finished doing my lips and then pressed 
the bell. The maid appeared. I said to 
her sharply, “Tell Vincenzo to come up 
and fetch my suit 

Now, for some reason, a strange recol- 
lection came back to me. Strange because 
it was so insignificant. Some time ago, 1 
took a short walk in the garden and felt 


the warmth of the sun on my face, and I 
thought: How warm the sun is! les 
really summer. I thought of this as I saw 
the look that Susanna gave the yellow- 
metal ch: And I reflected that during 
that walk in the garden, I discovered 
through my senses that it was summer, 
instead of learning the fact from, let us 
зау, the little numbers on my calendar; 
in just the same way, Susanna, a short 
igo, discovered, through her senses, 
beauty of the chain I had given 
And I said to myself that it was 
scovered anything that 
r have time to stop and 
te anything, But now 
„ “You've treated m 


wi 
the 
her. 
years since Td 
way. Alas, nev 
look and contemp! 


Irs true that 1 have something to 
you. But it isn’t a question of clothe 
I said decisively, “Now, look, I haven't 
time: the car's waiting for me to go to 
the airport.” 
“TIL make it short, though really it's a 
very complicated and a very long story. 
You must know that— 

I was already at the door, on my 
out. “I haven't time," 1 cried. “Do you 
or don’t you understand that I haven't 
time?” 

I went out. She rushed after me, 
the stairs, “You must know that, 
months ago, a very good-looking young 
o to see me and he fell in love 


to 
a few 


love with me because 
in love with you 
mely interesting. 

“Just think a little. 
a—how shall I say? 
for you. He says he had 
you and then you turned h 
so now he wants to make love to you 
through me, since I'm your twin sister 
and so much like you, And what does it 
matter? He's so good-looki 
don't know why, but I like the 
ing a man in common with you." 
Good for you! You've done well 
Listen, ГИ make a present of him to you, 
J made you а present of the 


To him I am 
nd of stand-in 
n affair with 
down and 


% Ы СЕ талы 

I hadu't time. 1 threw my arms round 
her neck and embraced her. The car was 
there, waiting for me. Inside my head 
there was already the roar of the 
plane Шап would) Бе taking ane тақау 
shortly. Quickly, I said to her, “Goodby 
And be happy with your Benno.” 

“You mean your Benn 

I turned away and got into the car. 
Perhaps I ought to have had some pro- 
found kind of thought. There might 
have been occasion for it. But I hadn't 
the time. 

—Translated by Angus Davidson EB 


ҚЕҰ/-кі AND stay 


ITTERSILL 
ALPINE INN 


On Cannon Mountain 
There's more thon skiing ol this old- 
world inn in on authentic Tyrolean 


A 


villoge. Nightly fesli 
icoted 


pl 


routines 


ies include so- 
our Cocktail 


lounge and lively music in our Winestube. 


Tel. 603-823-5511 


5544 FRANCONIA, М.Н. 03580 


EL DENVER® 


Hand Woven. 


Coast-lo- 


Coast in many N 
of the Finest Stores! 

LOS WIGWAM WEAVERS 
1073 Santa Fe Drive « Denver, Colorado 60204 


are quite the Fashion 


чийе 


WORLD WIDE... 
THERE'S ONLY ONE 


PLAYBOY... 


Subscribe Today 
...and Save! 


WCRLD-WIDE RATES: $12 U.S. Currency* 


or. Argentina 4200 M$N + Austria 300 5 e 


Belgium 600 ВЁт * Bra 


Isles 55. 


Esc. + Colombia 2 
DKr + Egypt 52 E 
Finland 50 FM 


Pos: 


Eus 


Greece 360 Dr 


British Posse: 


"s 65 


1 50 N.Cr. 
ions £5 + Chile 130 
O Col. $ + Denmark 90 
1 Salvador 30 С. 
+ France 65 Fr » French 
т - Germany 60 DM + 
+ Hong Kong 75 НКФ - 


• British 


India 90 Re + Iraq 4.25 ID + Ireland £5 + 


Israel 42 I£» Itl 
« Lebanon 36 LL - 


7500 Lit Japan 
Luxembourg 625 LFr e 


300 Yen 


Netherlands 45 FL+New Zealand 10.75 NZ$ 


* Norway 85 NKr • Portugal 


Saudi Arabia 55 Riyal • So. Vietnam 1400 


345 Esc » 


VN$ • Spain 825 Pta » Sweden 60 Skr « 
Switzerland 55 Sw Fr + Thailand 250 Baht 
* Turkey 110 TL 


2515 In Germany. U.S., U.S. Poss., Canada, APO 


& FPO, 510. Por-A 


jes not listed above, 


512 U.S. or equivalent funds. Printed by W. F. 


Hall Printing Co., 
MAIL YOUR ORDER T 


c/o The Playboy Club® 

45 Park Lane 

Lendon W.1, England or 

The Playboy Building 

919 N. Michigan Avenue 

Chicago, Ill. 60611, U.S.A. 
т ше эя мы те кч те те سے‎ т теш کے‎ 


1 Please enter my one-year subse 


Chicago, Illinois. 


: PLAYBOY 


to PLAYBOY. I am enclosing cheque, Ё 


j postal draft, money order or currency in. Ш 
1 ба шр ROM ER ale 1 
derstand that credit orders may not be 
1 accepted. 1 
1 LI 
1 name (please print] 1 
LI L| 
1 Sees 1 
Н Santy " 
1 COMPLETE HERE: 1 

1 ЭШ! have enclosed the correct amount. 
1 [Please send me information about ү 
the London Pla; 


271 


PLAYBOY 


272 


TRANSIT OF EARTH 


plateau where Olympus had touched 
down after we'd separated and begun 
our own descent. Though our friends 
would never land on M at least 
they'd had a little world of their own to 
explore; even for a satellite as small as 
Phobos, it worked out at 30 square miles 
per man. A lot of territory to search for 
strange minerals and debris from space 
—or to carve your name so that future 
ages would know that you were the first 
of all men to come this way. 

The ship was clearly visible as a stub- 
st the dull gray 
rocks; hom time to time, some fiat sur- 
face would catch the light of the swiftly 
moving Sun and would flash with mirror 
brilliance, But about five minutes before 
liftoff, the picture became suddenly 
pink, then crimson—then vanished com- 
pletely as Phobos rushed into eclipse. 

The countdown was still at ten sec- 
onds when we were startled by a bl of 
light. For a moment, we wondered if 
Olympus had also met with catastrophe; 
then we realized that someone was 
filming the take-off and the external 
floodlights had been switched on. 

During those last few seconds, I think 
we all forgot our own predicament; we 
were up there aboard Olympus, willing 


(continued from page 210) 


the thrust to build up smoothly and lift 
the ship out of the tiny gravitational 
field of Phobos—and then away from 
Mars for the long fall Earthward. We 


heard Commander Richmond say “Igni- 
tion, 


there was a brief bust of interfer- 
the patch of light began to 
ficld of the telescope. 

That was all. There was no blazing 
column of fire, because, of course, the 
ly no ignition when а nucl 
lights up. "Lights up," indeed! ‘That's 
another hangover from the old chemical 
technology, But a hot hydrogen blast is 
completely invisible; it seems а pity that 
we'll never again see anything so spec 
as a Saturn or a Korolev blast-off. 

Just before the end of the burn. Olym- 
pus left the shadow of Mars and burst 
out into sumi; 
most inst 


as a brilliant, swiftly mov- 
ing st blaze of light must have 
startled them aboard the ship, because 
we heard someone call out: “Cover that 
window!" Then, a few seconds later, 
Richmond announced: “Engine cutoff.” 
Whatever happened, Olympus was now 
irrevocably headed back to Earth. 

A voice I didn't recognize—though it 
must have been the commander's—said: 
“Goodbye, Pegasus,” and the radio trans- 


“It's called grass; it's softer lo 
walk on than concrete.” 


mission switched off. Th 
course, по point in saying “ 
That had all been settled weeks ago. 

I've just played this back. Talking of 
luck, there's been one compensation, 
though not for us. With a crew of only 
ten, Olympus has been able to dump a 
third of her expendables and lighten 
herself by several tons. So now she'll get 
home a month ahead of schedule. 

Plenty of things could haye gone 
wrong in that month; we may yet have 
saved the expedition. Of course, we'll 
never know—but it’s a nice thought. 

Гуе been playing a lot of music, full 
blast—now that there's no one else to 
be disturbed. Even il there were any 
Martians, 1 don't suppose this ghost of 
an atmosphere could carry the sound 
more than a few yards. 

We have a fine collection, but I have 
10 choose carefully. Nothing downbeat 
and nothing that demands too much 
concentration. Above all, nothing with 
human voices. So I restrict myself to 
the lighter orchestral classics; the New 
World Symphony and Grieg's piano con- 
certo fill the bill perfectly. At the moment, 
Tm listening to Rachmaninoll's Rhapsody 
on а Theme by Paganini, but now 1 
must switch off and get down to work. 

There are only five minutes to go; all 
the equipment is in perfect condition. 
The telescope is ing the Sun, the 
video recorder is standing by, the pred- 
sion timer is running. 

These observations will be as accurate 
as I can make them. I owe it to my lost 
comrades, whom Jl] soon be joining. 
‘They gave me their oxygen, so that 1 can 
still be alive at this moment, 1 hope you 
remember that, 100 or 1000 years from 
о, whenever you crank these figures 
into the computers. 

Only two minutes to go; getting down 
to business. For the record, усаг 1984, 
month May, day 11, coming up to four 
hours, 30 minutes, Ephemeris time . . . 
now. 

Най a minute to contact; switching 
recorder and timer to high speed. Just 
rechecked position angle, to make sure 
Tm looking at the right spot on the 
Sun's limb. Using power of 500—image 
perfectly steady even at this low elevation. 

Four thirty-two. Any moment, now. ... 

There it is . . . there it ist I can 
hardly believe it! A tiny black dent in 
the edge of the Sun, growing, growing, 
growing... 

Hello, Earth, Look up at me—the 
brightest star in your sky, straight over- 
head at midnight. 

Recorder back to slow. 

Four thirty-five. It’s as if a thumb меге 
pushing into the Sun's edge, deeper and 
deeper—fascinating to watch. 

Four forty-one, Exactly halfway. The 
Earth's a perfect black semicircle—a 


ad 


clean bite out of the Sun. As 
disease were cating it away. 

Four forty-five plus 30 seconds. Ingress 
three quarters complete. 

Four hours, 49 minutes, 30 seconds. 
Recorder on high speed again. 

The line of contact with the Sun's 
edge is shrinking fast. Now it’s a barely 
visible black thread. In a few seconds, 
the whole Earth will be superimposed on 
the Sun. 

Now I сап see the effects of the atmos- 
phere. There's a thin halo of light sur- 
rounding that black hole in the Sun, 
Strange to think that Im seeing the glow 
of all the sunsets—and all the sunrises— 
that are taking place round the whole 
th at this very moment. 

Ingress complete—four hours, 50 min- 
five seconds. The whole world has 
moved onto the face of the Sun. A 
perfectly circular black disk silhouetted 
st that inferno, 90,000,000 miles be- 


some 


could easily mis 
sunspot. 
Nothing more to see now for six 
hows, when the Moon appears, trailing 
Earth by half the Sun's width, ТЇЇ beam 
the recorded data back to Lunacom, 
then uy to get some slec] 
My very last sleep. Wonder if ІІ need 
drugs. It seems а pity to waste these last 
few hours, but I want to conserve my 
strengih—and my oxygen. I think it was 
Dr Johnson who said thar nothing set- 
tles а man's mind so wonderfully as the 
knowledge that hell be hanged in the 
morning. How the hell did he know? 


minutes, Ephemeris 
ight. I had only 
remember апу 


Ten hours, 30 
time. Dr. Johnson was 
опе 


pill and don't 


n also ate a he: 
ut that out, 

Back at telescope. Now the Earth's 
halfway across the disk, passing well 
north of center. In ten minutes, I should 
see the Moon. 

Тус just switched to the highest power 
of the telescope—2000. The image is 
slighily fuzzy but still fairly good, atmos 
pheric halo very distinct. I'm hoping to 
sce the cities on the dark side of Earth. 

No luck. Probably too many clouds. A 
pity: it's theoretically possible, but we 
never succeeded, I wish, . „ . Never mind. 

Ten hows, 40 minutes. Recorder on 
slow speed. Hope Fm looking at the 
right spot. 

Fifteen seconds to go. Recorder fast. 
Damn—amissed it. Doesn't matter—the 
corder will have caught the exact mo- 
ment. There's a little black notch al- 
ready in the side of the Sun. First contact 
must have been about ten hour, 41 
minutes, 20 seconds, E. T. 

What a long way it is between Earth 
and Moon—there’s half the width of the 


ty 


“His philosophy is that sex should be considered on 
the same level as shaking hands.” 


Sun between them. You wouldn't think 
the two bodies had anything to do with 
each other. Makes you realize just how 
big the Sun really is. 

Ten hours, 44 minutes The Moon's 
exactly hallway over the edge. А very 
small, very clear-cut semicircular bite out 
of the edge of the Sun. 

Ten hours, 47 minutes, five seconds. 
Internal contaa. The Moon's clear of 
the edge, entirely inside the Sun. Don't 
suppose 1 can вес anything on the night 
side, but I'll increase the power. 

That's funny 

Well, well. Someone must be trying to 
talk to me. There's a tiny light pulsing 
there on the darkened face of the 
Moon. Probably the laser at Imbrium 
Base. 

Sorry, everyone. Гус said all my good- 
es and don’t want to go through that. 

gain. Nothing can be important now. 

Still, it's almost hypnotic—that flick 
ing point of light, coming out of the face 
of the Sun itself. Hard to believe that 
even after it’s traveled all this distance, 
the beam is only 100 miles wide. Luna- 
com's going to all this trouble to aim 
exactly at me and I suppose I should feel 
guilty at ignoring it. But I don't. Гус 
у finished my work and the things 
of Еаиһ are no longer any concern of 
mine. 

Ten hours, 50 minutes. Recorder off. 
That's it—until the end of Earth папзй, 
two hours from now. 


nea! 


I've had a snack and am taking my 
last look at the view from the observa- 
tion bubble. The Sun's still high, so 
there's not much contrast, but the light 
brings out all the colors vividly—the 
countless ies of red and pink and 
crimson, so startling against the deep 


blue of the sky. How different from the 
Moon—though that, too, has its own 
beaut 

Its strange how g the obvious 
сап be. Everyone knew that Mars was 
red. But we didn't really expect the red 
of rust—the red ot blood. Like the 
Painted Desert of Arizon a wh 
the eye longs for green. 

To the north, there is one welcome 
change of color; the cap of carbon-diox 
ide snow on Mt. Burroughs is a dazzling 
white pyramid. That's another surprise. 
Burroughs is 25,000 feet above Mean 
Datum; when 1 was a boy, there weren't 
supposed to be any mountains on Mars. 

The nearest sand dune is a quarter of 
a mile away and it, too, has patches of 
frost on its shaded slope. During the last 
storm, we thought it moved a few есі, 
but we couldn't be sure. Certainly, the 
dunes are moving. like those on Earth 
One day, I suppose, this base will be 
:d—only to reappear again in 1000 
0,000. 
іре group of rocks—the Ele- 
phant, the Capitol, the Bishop—still 
holds its secrets and teases me with the 
nory of our first big disappointment, 
We could have sworn that they were 
sedimentary; how eagerly we rushed 
out to look for fossils! Even now, we 
don't know what formed that outcrop- 
ping; the geology of Mars is still a mass 
of contradictions and enigmas. 

We have passed on enough problems 
to the future and those who come after 
us will find many more. But there's one 
mystery we never reported to Earth пог 
even entered in the log. The first night 
after we landed, we took tums keeping 
watch. Brennan was on duty and woke 
me up soon after midnight. I was 
noyed—it was ahead of Ume—and then 273 


гр 


after 


he told me that he'd seen a light moving 
around the base of the Capitol. We 
watched for at least an hour, until it was 
my tum to take over. But we saw noth- 
ing: whatever that light was, it never 
reappeared. 

ow, Brennan was as levelheaded and 
ginative as they come; if he said 
he saw a light, Шеп he saw one. Maybe 
it was some kind of electric discharge or 
the reflection of Phobos on a piece of 
sand-polished rock. Anyway, we decided 
not to mention it to Lunacom unless we 
saw it again, 

nce Гуе been alone, Ive often 
ked in the night and looked out 
toward the rocks. In the fecble illumin: 
tion of Phobos and Deimos, they remind. 
me of the skyline of a darkened city. And 
it has always remained darkened, No 
lights have ever appeared for me. 

Twelve hours, 19 minutes, Ephemeris 
time. The last act's about to begin. Earth 
has nearly reached the edge of the Sun, 
The two narrow horns of light that still 
embrace it are barely touching. 

Recorder on fast. 

Contact! Twelve hours, 50 minutes, 
16 seconds. The crescents of light no 
longer meet. A tiny black spot has ap- 
peared at the edge of the S the 
Earth begins to cross it. It's growing 
longer, longer, . . . 

Recorder on slow. 
wait befure Earth 
of the Sun. 

The Moon still has more than halfway 
to go; it’s not yet reached the mid-point 
of its transit. It looks like a little round 
blob of ink, only a quarter the size of 
Earth. And there's no light fi ng there 
anymore. Lunacom must have given up. 

Well, I have just a quarter hour left 
here in my last home. Time seems to be 
iccelerating the way it does in the final 
minutes before a lift-off. No mauer; I 
have everything worked out now. I can 
even relax. 

Aheady, 1 feel part of history. I am 
one with Cook, back in Tahiti 
in 1769, watching the transit of Venus 
cept for that. 
z along behind, it must have looked 
t like this. 

What would Cook have thought, over 
200 years ago, if he'd known that one day. 
a man would observe the whole Earth in 
transit from an outer world? Fm sure he 
would have been astonished—and then 
delighted 

But I feel a closer identity with a man 
not yet born. I hope you hear these 
words, whoever you may be. Perhaps you 
will be standing on this very spot, 100 
years from now, when the next transit 
occurs. 

Greetings to 2084, November 10! I 
wish you better luck than we had. I 
ppose you will have come here on a 

luxury liner—or you may have been 
274 bom on Mars and be a stranger to 


un 


PLAYBOY 


ighteen minutes to 
у deus the face 


Earth. You will know things that I can 
not imagine, yet somehow 1 don't envy 
you. I would not even change places 
with you if I could. 

For you will remember my name and 
know that I was the first of all mankind 
ever to see a transit of Earth. And no 
one will see another for 100 years. 

Twelve hours, 59 minutes. Exactly 
[way through egress. The Earth is a 
perfect semicircle—a black shadow on 
the face of the Sun. I still can't escape 
from the impression that something I 
taken a big bite out of that golden disk. 
In nine minutes, it will be gone and the 
Sun will be whole again. 

Thirteen hours, seven minutes, Record- 
er on last, 

Earth has almost gone. There's just a 
shallow black dimple at the edge of the 
Sun. You could easily mistake it for a 
small spot, going over the limb. 

Thirteen hours, eight. 

Goodbye, beautiful Earth. 

Going, going, going, goodbye, good 

eee 

I'm OK again now. The timings have 
all been sent home on the beam. In five 
minutes, they'll join the accumulated 
wisdom of mankind. And Lunacom will 
know that I stuck to my post. 

But I'm not sending this. I'm going to 
leave it here for the next expedition— 
whenever that may be. It could be ten or 
twenty years before anyone comes here 
aguin; no point i g back to an old 
site when there's a whole world waiting 
to be explored. 

So this capsule will stay here, as Scott's 
Пагу remained in his tent, until the 
next visitors find it. But they won't 
find me. 

Suange how hard it is to get away 
from Scott. I think he gave me the idea, 
For his body will not lic frozen forever 
in the Antarctic, isolated from the great 
cyde of life and death. Long ago, that 
lonely tent began its march to the sea. 
Within a few years, it was buried by the 
falling snow and had become part of the 
glacier that crawls eternally away from 
the pole. In a few brief с ries, the 
sailor will have returned to the sca. He 
will merge once more mto the pattern of 
living things—the plankton, the seals, 
the penguins, the whales, all the mul 
tudinous fauna of the Antarctic Ocean. 

There are no oceans here on Mars, 
nor have there been for at least five 
billion years, But there is lile of some 
id. down there in the badlands of 
1 time to 
atches on the 
ial photographs. The evidence that 
whole areas of Mars have been swept 
clear of craters by forces other than 
erosion. The long-chain, optically ас 
carbon molecules picked up by the at- 
mospheric samplers. 

And, of course, the mystery of V 
Six, Even now, no one has been able to 
make any sense of those last instrument 


readings before something large and heavy 
crushed the probe in the still, cold depths 
of the Martian night. 

And don't talk to me about primitive 
life forms in a place like this! Anything 
thats survived here will be so sophisti- 
cated that we may look as clumsy as 
dinosaurs. 

There's still enough propellant in the 
ship's tanks to drive the Marscar clear 
around the planet. I have three hours of 
daylight leli—plenty of time to get down 
into the valleys and well out into Chaos. 
After вш VU still be able to make 
good speed with the head lamps. It will 
be romantic, driving at night under the 
moons of Mars. 

One thing I must fix before I leave. 1 
don't like the way Sam's lying out th. 
He was always so poised, so graceful. It 
doesn't seem right that he should look 
so awkward now. I must do something 
about it. 

I wonder if I could have covered 300 
feet without a suit, walking slowly, 
steadily—the way he did to the very end. 

1 must try not to look at his face. 


. Everything shipshape and 


Thats 
ready to go. 

The therapy has worked. I feel per- 
fectly at ease—even contented, now that 
I know exactly what I'm going to do. 
The old nightmares have lost their power. 

It is tue: We all die alone. It 
makes no difference at the end, being 
50,000,000 miles from home. 

I'm going to enjoy the drive through 
that lovely painted landscape. TI be 
thinking of all those who dr 
Mars—Wells and Lowell 
and Weinbaum and Br 
guessed wrong—but the 
as strange, just as bea 
imagined. 

I don't know whats waiting for me 
out there and ГЇ probably never see it. 
But on this starveling world, it must be 
desperate for carbon, phosphorus, oxy- 
gen, calcium. Ht can use me. 

And when my oxygen alum gives its 
final ping, somewhere down there in that 
haunted wilderness, I'm going to finish 
in style. As soon as I have difficulty in 
breathing, LIL get off the Marscar and 
start i back unit 
plugged into my helmet and going full 
blast. 

For sheer, triumphant power and glo- 
xy, there's nothing in the whole of music 
to match the Toccata and Fugue in D 
Minor. I won't have time to hear all of 
it; that doesn't matte 

Johann Sebastian, here 1 come. 


шу. They 
lity is just 
tiful as they 


a 


Note: All the astronomical events de- 
scribed in this story will take place at the 
times and dates stated. 


ГТ! 


y 
"B 
os 
зі 

S 
so 

ES 

S 3 
ай 

oe 
Ez 

ЕЗ 
= 


275 


PLAYBOY 


276 


Le desired. What's the use of wasting all 
d energy in marching, 
nd hollering, when onc 
Stcinem, in 
ator, could 
get us everything we want—overnight. 
ationiss, in the 
eminent philosopher C: 
inier Trudeau, “The bed 


We are the 
* I know that. phrase makes 
some of the hard-hats in our movement 
But it's not necessarily а 
putdown. Sometimes it’s a comfort. Mili- 


з 
WOMEN'S LIB „аон page 165) 
And if you took mine away, you'd have 
a short Stanley Myron Handelman—in our time, effort 
drag. Ladies obviously are as different demonstrating 
from other ladies as they are from men. — Jib lady who looks like Glo 
That's why a lot of our ideas are not the sack with the right Sei 
too practical, Take the concept of uni- 
sex, for example. I just can't go along Remember, lellow lib 
with that one either, girls. True, I want words of tha 
to be liberated from the kitchen and the dian Prime М 
laundry room—but not from the bed- is mightier than the sword.” 
room, 1 believe in equality, but I know Let's admit something, 
for damn sure there's one thing that “weaker s 
men can do that women cant. And 1 
don't cue what Dr. Masters and Mrs. very angr 
Johnson say: Edgar does it better. 
I also think our tactics leave a lot to tant schmi 


t, you've got to agree that 


“My wife thinks I'm running around with other women. 
Actually, I'm not, but 1 haven't the guts to admit qu^ 


after a hard day of booing at Mc 
Sorley's, it's a pleasure to have a boy 

ту you and your groceries out of the 
supermarket. Or when you're on a 
crowded bus and your f 
you after you've picketed all day, it's 
nice to have a male chauvinist pig offer 
you his scat. Plus the fact that 1 can't, 
for the life of me, imagine car id- 
gar over the threshold. 

There is no question that we should 
have more women in Congress, а woman. 
on the Supreme Court and, certainly 
least one woman in the Cabinet. And 
not just as the Secretary of Labor. And 1 
will fight to my last breath for these 
inalienable rights—soon. But at this 
point in my life, the only pants I want 
10 wear in my family are hom Pucci. 

Actually, I do think that the concept 
of male supremacy is somewhat old- 
fashioned. And we have to convince our 
men to let us һауе а hand 
the world. Then, maybe they сап relax a 
le by sharing some of that overwhelm- 
ing responsibility. But, girls, 1 suggest we 
slow down our rush to convince them of 
our point. I know if Im going on an 
important trip, I don't want to hurry 
and pa ight bag. There 
атс a lot of goodies in life and 1 want to 
take along a whole trunkful. Chances 
are, if I leave something behind, I may 
never be able to get it back. 

Sure, J want to feel that I have a 
choice in who and what 1 am going to be 
and how and where I'm going to go 
about doing it. But I don't want to give 
up the sheer joy of being a woman. Not 
for anything! It's fun to be soft. 

I am about as liberated а woman as 
there is today—I stand up there, dishing 
out my sayso on the same stage with 
Johnny Carson, Buddy Hackett and 
Dean Martin—but 1 really love it when 
Edgar puts his arms around me and hugs 
me up into that hairy chest of his and 
when my little daughter, Melissa, climbs 
up into my lap to һауе her hair braided, 

Yes, it's time for advertising agencies 
to stop treating us like boobs. How dare 
they think all we want out ol life are 
thin cigarettes and a guy hidden in our 
washing machines. And its time for em- 
ployers to stop trying to save shaky egos 
and money with phony copouts about 
menstrual periods and pregnancy. And 
is time for men in general to stop 
insisting on carrying the whole damned 
load. We've got enough widows and di- 
vorcees because men are so infernally 
stubborn about the wrong things 

However, let's not forget this: When 
the world finally turns full circle, and it 
will, the bottom line for me is still going 
10 be, “He loves me"—and that’s where 


¡Ús at. 
a 


street SAMES (onea from page ros) 


other's goal. It was a maddeningly noisy 
game and infuriated adults, notably my 
ill-tempered father. As he lay on his death- 
ed, 18 years ago, a gang of screaming 
kids ravaged the night with kickety can. 
T suspect he was too deep in Demerol to 
have been annoyed. 

One game that did not utilize a ball or 
а stick, or any t, was ring.alevio. 
The term has since been popularized by 
nightclub comics. Like saloojee, its no- 
menclatural origin defies analysis, Tt was 
played over a wide area of Brooklyn—L 
learned this from an urban anthropolo- 


gist—and apparently elsewhere іш the 
United States. Chet Huntley tells me 
that in his Montana boyhood, he played 


a similar game of mass pursuit and escupe. 
A gentleman from Waycross, Georgia, 
wrote me, after 1 described a ringalevio 
game in a novel, and said he had played 
an identical game in the rural South. 
Actually, it was nothing more than 
group hideand.goseek (“Піпевовсек”), 
in which two teams alternated as pur 
sucis and escapees. There was a good 
deal of ranging over backyard fences, 
empty lots, deserted stores 
It was a rambling, chaotic business, with 
no true winners or los 
since concluded that it was less a 
than a tribal ritual. The appeal of the 
game was the group sense it nurtured, 
the chi uf die ha 
ау of “View hal 
loo!”) echoing across schoolyud and 
junk yard, the thrill of hiding, entrap- 
ment, escape, chase. It was not a prop 
sport bur a formalized dance, as unfath- 
omable but as as the bloodles 
маг games of New Guinea head-hunters. 
Another nonball game was Johnny- 
on4he-pony. Tt was played by two teams 
and one neutral boy, called the pillow. 
The pillow was usually a fat, amiable 
fellow, whose job it was to brace his back 
against а wall, The first defensive player 
rimmed his head into the pillow's abdo- 
men, bending over at the waist, as i 
about to be sodomized. The next man 
jammed his head into the first player's 
id wrapped his arms around hi: 
thighs, and so on, presenting а solid line 
of bowed heads, backs and rear ends. 
"The offensive players, gathered across the 
ts and vaulted 


street, took running sti 
оп top of their opponents. The trick was 


to apply maximum pressure at a weak 
point, all the jumpers attempting to 
land with force where a head joined a 
buttock: 
der to break the chain, The pillow the 
led the ritual chanting: “Johnny-on-th 
pony, Johnny-on-the-pony, Johnny-on-the- 
pony, one-two-three, all off! 

Both teams would then hit the sidewalk 
in а tangle of arms, legs and behinds, 
g in the rich dirty smell of 
к. There would be much punch- 


ing, mauling and goosing, and often we 
would break wind. Lhe game probably 
had some ayptohomosexual signifi 
(witness Mailer's argument that football's 
T formation is a buggerer's dream), but 
in our innocence, that aspect cluded us. 
If crude pastimes such as Johnny-on- 
the-pony represented the nadir of street 
games, punchball was the unquestioned 
aristocrat. Jt was the truest test of skill 
speed and coordination, the court ten 
of the ghetto. I doubt that it is played 
nymore; it required a long stretch of 
street free of automobiles. In those bleak 
times, my father's black Buick—standard 
for doctors—was the only car оп the 
block. Today, crumbling slum that 
Brownsville is, the streets are full of 
purple Pontiacs and chartreuse Chevys. 
The punchball field was laid out be- 
tween manhole covers, known as sewers. 
The word could refer both to the actual 
manhole cover and to the ance be- 
tween two covers. Recently, I watched a 
newly appointed Catholic bishop being 
ierviewed on TV and heard him tell a 
reporter that as a boy, he could "hit two 
sewers.” The clergyman endeared himself 
to me, but Ше young Mod journalist 
looked at him with a bemused eye. 


The sewer nearest the corner was 
home plate. The next sewer was second 
basc. First and third bases were ma 
off halfway between them with cha 
squares adjacent to the curbs to fo 
cssc baseball diamond. A team 


con- 
sisted of six players. The first baseman 


and the third Baseman were stationed 
directly to the rear of the chalked squares. 
A center—the key man—played in front 
of second base, There was a single out- 
ide an imaginary foul line, 
ind first and third, were a right s 
and a left sidewalk. The rules de- 
from baseball—three outs to an 


rived 
inning, a caught. fly was out, a grounder 
required a play at first. There was no 
stealing, no pitcher or catcher, but run 
ners could be forced or doubled off. If 
a play had to be made at home, the first 
or third baseman scurried to the sewer 


for the throw. Daring defensive t 
often moved a player to home in 
situation, leaving first or third unguarded. 

The absence of a pitcher gave the 
“batter” a tremendous advantage and 
demanded fielding of the highest order. 
Therein resided the enormous challenge 
of the game. The batter started at home 
plate, bouncing the Spalding a few times 
to get the feel of it, often rubbing it 
sweatily to give it English. The defense 


ms 


277 


crouched low, hands on knees. Then the 
batter advanced, dribbling the ball а few 
times. About halfway to first base, he 
spun gracefully to the right (if he were a 
righthanded batter), tossed the ball into 
the air a few inches and struck it. The 
fist was used for distance, the palm and 


u 
fingers for placement. The ball could be 


PLAYBOY 


hit long and high or lined into the 
idewalks, to rattle around garbage cans, 
or placed neatly over a fielder's head, or 


smashed on the ground, a blur of pink 
lightning. One must bear in mind that 
by the time the ball was struck, the 


1 of steam, was 
m told that in 
batters were re- 


runner, under a full he 
almost to first base. (I 
some neighborhoods, 
ned by a "baby line" over which 
could not run while hitting. On 
Prospect Place, there was no such impedi 
ment, the batter restricted only by an 
unspoken accord to go no farther th; 
halfway.) 

As the ball flew, or skidded, or 
bounced into the field, the defense had 
only split seconds to catch it and make a 
play. I doubt that any baseball eve 
traveled as fast. Considering the abbr 
ated distances, I still find it incredible 
that defensive stars such as Jos Dratel, 
our center, and Stanley Budesa, our ош- 
fielder, made the plays they did. 

Jos was captain of the Prospect Place 
Pirates. The fiercest competitor I have 
ever known, he was not too big nor did 
he give the appearance of great strength. 
But his chunky, wellknit body was a 
mass of springs and tensile metal and his 
ruddy face, with its commanding brown 
eyes, had the look of a man who detested 
losing and losers. He guarded the center 


of the diamond with dazzling 


speed— 


sliding, falling, scooping up grounders, 
hand, making 
Spalding 
ай 


spearing liners with one 
impossible plays, tossing th 
from flat on his back or over his 1 
h aw ery. 
was of Polish- ncest 
5 soltspoken and courteous, ever 
sensitive to other people's feelings. We 
knew there was something different about 
Stanley: While the rest of us rooted. for 
the Brooklyn Dodgers, he was a Сінсін- 
ati Reds fan. In the deep, lonely gutter 
of the outfield, he was а solitary, distant 
hero, a reassuring presence. 
These two were the core of the 
undefeated punchball team, si 
olds who had destroyed the opposition in 
Brownsville and East New York in a 
s of heated angry games, played for 
half dollar a man. In their last few 
the Pirates were required to 
as the Uhlans 


or teams such 
Doughboys five runs in the first 
inning, just to get opponents. Like Joe 
Louis in his prime, they had run out of 
adversaries. At this point, the Rens en- 
tered the picture, They were lumbering 
16-year-olds, mu: foulmouthed mon- 
278 sters and they promised to "mopilize" 


those fresh kids in blue-and-gold jackets. 
As official scorekeeper, I shivered when I 
learned that the game had been booked. 
Te was a monumental mismateh—little 
"Tommy Loughran against the ogre Primo 
Carnera. 

On a blistering July day, the crowds 
assembled on Prospect Place, packing 
stoops, windows, curbstones. A local bos 
ing hero (was it Willie Suss classy, 
crowd-pleasing Brownsville lightweight? 
Or was it veteran Billy Rykolt, former 
welterweight contender?) was engaged 
as umpire and holder of the six dollars. 
There was a crackling in the sultry air, a 
palpable tension. 

From the start, the Pirates stunned the 
crowd and the humiliated Rens with 
their defensive feats. There had never 
been a center like Jos Dratel. Never had 
we «сеп such a brilliant performance. He 
leaped, he slid on the hot bubbly as 
phalt, he made unbelievable catches, 
breath-taking stops, last-minute throws. 
At one point, he lunged sideways, sus 
pended parallel to the street for seconds, 
it seemed, like a Bolshoi dancer, to grab 
a wicked line smash with one hand. 

Budesi—B dees, as he was affectionately 
known—was no les spectacular in the 
outfield. Balls hit over Joss curly head 
were his If they bounced, he stopped 
them short, Anything on the Пу was a cer- 
tain out, Cunningly, he moved about, 
anticipating the Rens’ batters’ styl 
would challenge them by moving in 
until the batters were well into their run- 
wp. outguess them by quickly moving 
back. 

Characteristically, the Rens had a ri 
er in their line-up, an 18-year-old foot. 
ball player from Boys’ High School, a 
certain Schmolowitz, a shambling lout 
with an anteater's face and a thick blue 
rubber band holding his lank hai 


place. Contestants usually wore knick 
open at the ankles, but Schmolowitz 
sported red-and-black Boys’ High basket- 


ball shorts. 

In a late inning, he came to bat with 
two mcn on base and опе ош The score 
was tied at one all It had been a game 
оГ startling plays dose calls—classic 
punchball. Now the crowd buzzed: The 
was a sense that the Pirates: number was 
up. The mighty Schmolowitz took his 
awkward run-up—he was not a natural 
punchball player—and Iet fly with his fist. 
1 watched the ball soar and I was afraid, 

"ест," someone behind me muttered, 
“a Vree-sewer hi 

And so it appeared. Up, up rose the 
Spalding in seemingly endless trajectory. 
Two-sewer men were rare enough—cle: 
up hitters, heavy sluggers But tree? 
“Through the heated humid air of a 
Brownsville summer, the ball ascended 
like an escaping dove. Jt must have 
caught. air curent in the canyon 
formed by the opposing rows of tenc- 
ments. It would rise forever. Three runs 


would score and the Pirates would be 
crushed. 

But we had forgotten B'dees. He was 
flying down Prospect Place, his knickers 
flapping, his towhcad bobbing. Did his 
gold-rimmed specs Ну off? On he ran, 
until he was almost gone [rom view, 
dodging a lemon-ice pushcart, a horse- 
drawn seluer wagon, not looking back 
until the last breathless moment, when 
he turned, stretched out a skinny arm 
nd squeezed the rubbery skin of the 
ding. With a great dangor, he fell 
amid the garbage cams outside а tene- 
ment. bounced up and fired the ball to 
Jos. A runne doubled off second 
base. No one scored. Hysteria over- 
whelmed us. We cheered and shouted for 
minutes; we kissed Stanley; we were con- 
vinced the Rens were doomed. But the 
defensive fems of Jos and B'dees had 
infuriated the bullies, Frustrated, they 
deliberately began a violent argument in 
the Pirates half of the inning, I don't 
remember what the dispute was about— 
a close call at first, а tag. Fists flew. A 
nose was bloodied. Vile curses sullied the 
air. Jos had to be dragged off the Rens’ 
ptain, a 16-year-old hoodlum who had 
fought in the Golden Gloves. Older men 
intervened, The pugilis-umpire returned 
the bets and declared ıt по contest. 

In a way, I was glad. The game un- 
finished, Budesrs shining cach would 
be long remembered as part of the 
ЕТЕТІНІ legend of Brownsville punch 
ball. Who won no longer mattered; an 
act of individual brilliance and cou 
would be immortalized. 

Such was the golden age of punch 
the king of street games. It is gone, I 
suppose, forever. But what about the 
endless potentialities of ordinary mar 
bles? Or the delights of the humble soda- 
bottle cap? They made excellent checkers, 
sometimes markers in a complicated game 
called skelly in certain quarters— 
wherein kneeling combatants would try 
to flick their caps into boxes chalked 
on the versatile square of soiled side- 
walk, Those old Moxic and Nehi caps 
gave us hours of jo 

And what abour tossing baseball cards? 

Pitching pennies? Running bases? On-and- 
olltheicedock? Follow-the-leader? Chick. 
en-fights? Red rover? King of the hill? 
WolLare-you-ready? Church-on-fire? Take 
a giant step? Red light? 
Once before I dic, perhaps, I shall pass 
gray city street and, in the cindery 
twilight, I shall sec a teenage boy—in 
unhooked knickers and ragged, ankle- 
covering black Keds—bounce a Spalding 
twice, тип forward with elegant. grace, 
pivot to his right and strike the ball with 
cupped palm or clenched fist. And the 
ball will streak down the namow dia- 
mond, a rosegray flash. And the center 
will lunge to his left, fall, deflect the 
kidding ball, recover, throw, , + 


OMMUNES?! THEY'RE SPROUTING EVERYWHERE. 
-ВАСК TO THE LAND? — BACK TO THE TRIBAL 
CONCEPT OF THE AMERICAN INDIAN OF OLD. NO 
TY! NO Law? THE SIMPLE, 
EXTRACTING SUSTENANCE 


NAL SNO! T 
STANDING ON CEILINGS. FLYING OVER MOUNTAINS- 


— BUT BACK TO OUR HEROINE -` ABOUT TO 
VISIT A COMMUNE — 


Hl, HON! 
YOU SHOULD 
SEE THE RIOTS 
DOWNSTAIRS — 
HARD-HATS HITTING 
STUDENTS“ POLICE 
CLUBBING 
BLACK PANTHERS 
WALL STREET 


ING STOCK- 
BROKERS — 


RUTHIE, 

IM 50 WORRIED 
ABOUT WHAT'S 
HAPPENING 

NOWADAYS — 


— DO YOU KNOW WHAT 
THEY'RE CHARGING FOR A 
LITTLE BOTTLE OF “WRINKLE 
CREAM” NOWADAYS 2 

— 1 


THE WORLD 16 
FALLING APART AND 
YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT 
“WRINKLE CREAM"? wey 
PONT YOU STOP WORRYING 
ABOLT WRINKLE CREAM, AND YOU 
WOULDN'T GET THE WRINKLES 
THAT YOU BUY THE WRINKLE 
» CREAM FOR! 


279 


PLAYBOY 


280 


LOOK! 1 OOH!-ALETTER 
HAVE FRESH FROM MY CRAZY FRIEND, 
ROLLS, MAGAZINES, WANDA HOMEFREE! 
THE PAPER, LISTEN TOWHAT 
THE MAIL- SHE WRITES — 


27 
DOING MV. 
THING. IT'S FAR 
OUT! IT'5 WHERE 
NY HEAD'S AT. 1 
CRASHED ATAN 
OUTA-SIGHT 
COMMUNE. IT'5 
BECOME A 


HEAVY El 
PERIENCE- 


SAY, MAN ~- DID NOU SEE 
A CHICK GET OFF THAT 
TRAIN?- A BABY - FACED 
BLONDE WITH THE BIG- 
GEST PAIR OF — 


SO THAT'S A COMMUNE! — A BIG RED BARN: 
SILOS => CATTLE! + JUST LIKE A REGULAR FARM! 


THE COMMUNE 
15 OFF ТО THE 


“-ТНЕ CITY'S A 
HASSLE. WHY DON'T 
YOU SPLIT? COME 

Do YOUR. 


OUT HERE YOU'LL FEEL 
LIKE YOU'RE A MILLION MILES. 
AWAY FROM THE WAR NEWS, THE 
RIOTS, THE HASSLES AND THE 

> DANGER — 


= 


GLORYOSKY «=: IT CERTAINLY. 
DOES LOOK LIKE A HAPPY OASIS HERE. 
HOW DOES EVERYONE MANAGE 
TO STAY 60 HAPPY? 


MEET 
ANNIE FANNY, 
EVERYONE. 


OR WE ROMP 
IF WE FEEL 
LIKÉ — 


МЕКЕ ONE YES, ВОТ 
BIG HAPPY 1 DON'T THINK 
ANYONE ELSE 16. 
WE DO WHAT 2 THEY RE STILL 
WE WANT ROMPING. 
TO DO. 


" (siat) YOU. 
[7 STILL DON'T HAVE THE 
HANG OF COMMUNE 
LIFE, BERNICE! 


PLL HELP 
FAT MARY, LADY 
Ў BELLE AND LULU 
TO SOAP 
VLL SHOW ANNIE AROUND "Ж ШАШЫ UP, 
OUR COMMUNITY FOND. \ 


ы 
о 
n 
> 
“ 
ы 
А 


EMBAR- 
RASSED? 


TIME TO SPLIT, BABY! N 
HOW'D vou J LIKE TO GO To A рў, 


THIS is 
COMMUNE! 2 


CORRECTION. 
E 


С 


СОМЕ Он, 
KEMOSABE s 
STRETCH OUT THOSE 


GREAT WHITE LEGS Jf 
F YOURS — А 


283 


PLAYBOY 
READER SERVICE 


Write to Janet Pilgrim for the an- 
swers to your shopping questions. 
She will provide you with the name 
of a retail store in or near your city 

here you can buy any of the spe- 
cialized items advertised or edito- 
rially featured in PLAYBOY. For 
example, where-to-buy information is 
available for the merchandise of the 
advertisers in this issue listed below. 


Use these lines for 
other featured merch 


Miss Pilgrim will be happy to answer 


any of your other questions un fash- 
ion, travel, food and drink, hi-fi, etc. 
If your question involves items you 
saw in PLAYBOY, please specify page 
number and issue of the magazine as 
well asa brief description of the items 
when you write. 


EEO RENDER SERVICE 


hizan Ave. 
IH 


USE CONVENIENT GIFT SUBSCRIPTION 
ENVELOPES, PAGES 49, 237 


D 3 уг. for 524 (Save 515.00) 
ПІ yr. for 510 (Save 53.00) 
[Г] Payment enclosed O bill tater 


(please print) 


COMING IN THE MONTHS AHEAD: 


Old Crow begins with men who 


love to work with their hands. 
Р 


The formula that gives Old Crow its special |Z | Sailing ship- 
character begins with Robert Landon Curry. It’s up to — (7 meoterrane hull is 
him to mix the exact measures of corn, barley and rye N dE eam 
that go into each batch of our country Bourbon. LY | а sandwich." 


The first scientific way of distilling Bourbon was БЕСІ Cut sail from 
invented by Dr. James Crow back in 1835. But giving ; \ sheet copper. Paint 
our Bourbon a handcrafted taste is still an art. or let it weather 

“Between my job at Old Crow and my wood- naturally. 
shop at home,” says Curry, “there’s hardly a time in 
the day when I'm not working with my hands.” 

Bob Curry calls on the same craftsmanship 
making this sailing ship-weathervane as he does mixing 
grain at our distillery. For a set of the ship plans, write: 
Old Crow, Box 611, Frankfort, Ку. 40601. 


Handcrafted Bourbon 


KENTUCKY STRAIGHT BOURBON WHISKEY. 86 PROOF. OISTILLED AND BOTTLEO BY THE FAMOUS OLD CROW DISTILLERY CO., FRANKFORT, KY. 


Athole Brose made with Dewar's “White 
Label” is a warm and sturdy brew. 
Against the cold of the winter months 

it will bring good cheer. And as happens 
with many things at this time of year, 

its long, authentic history seems to add a 
little comfort to the holiday season. 


DEWARS 
“White Label” 


BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY > 868 PROOF - © SCHENLEY INPORTS CO., N.Y., NY. 


Authentic. 


Athole Brose to you. 


Athole is a small town in the craggy mountains 
near Perth, Scotland. 

Brose is the Scottish word for brew. 

Athole Brose is a Scotch drink concocted many 
years ago to warm the festive soul on important 
Savi auch on Sh Arikan Беу (acters 
patron Saint), Christmas and Hogmanay, or 
New Year's Eve. 


1 cup honey (preferably 
heather honey from Scotland) 


Гу to 2 cups heavy sweet cream 


2 cups Dewar's “White Label” 
Scotch Whisky 


Heat honey, and when it thins slightly, stir in 
cream. Heat together, but do not boil. Remove 
from heat and slowly stir in whisky. Athole 
Brose may be served hot or chilled. Makes 4 
to 6 servings. (If you would like even a little 
more touch of Scotland, soak | cup oatmeal 

in two cups water overnight. Strain and mix 
ТЕ tlh atten ata) 


Give the Scotch 


that never varies