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AMC?’ I MATADOR 


NEWEST MID'SIZE 
FOR 1974 


This is one mid-size car you've never seen before. The roomy 
AMC Matador coupe. 

With sweeping, clean lines. Low profile. And plenty of 
window area for all-around vision. Test drive the new Matador. 
And see why experts are already calling it America’s sportiest new car. 


AMC PI BUYER PROTECTION PLAN 


MORE THAN JUST 
A GUARANTEE 


To us at American Motors, and to our dealers, the exclusive 
AMC Buyer Protection Plan means a commitment to our customers. 
А commitment to stand behind every single car we build. 


A GUARANTEE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND. 


When you buy a new 1974 car from an American Motors dealer, American Motors 
Corporation guarantees toyou that, except for tires, it will pay for the repair or re- 
placement ofany part it suppliesthat is defective in material or workmanship. This 
guarantee is good for 12 months from the date the car is first used or 12,000 miles, 
whichever comes first. All we require is that the car be properly maintained and 
cared for under normal use and service in the fifty United States or Canada, and 
that guaranteed repairs or replacement be made by an American Motors dealer. 


At AMC we expect every part in every car to last for at least 
12 months or 12,000 miles under normal use and service. 

And that's why we back our cars with this simple, strong 
guarantee. A guarantee that covers every part—except tires— 
even those annoying little things that occasionally wear out 
like spark plugs, wiper blades and light bulbs. 


PLUS A BUYER PROTECTION PLAN THAT DOES MORE. 


AMC is the only manufacturer with a program to provide 
& free loaner car should guaranteed repairs take overnight. 
And a special trip interruption plan that pays up to $150 for food 
and lodging if guaranteed repairs have to take place more than 
100 miles from home. 

We even have a toll-free hotline to Detroit for you to call 
if you ever feel we aren't living up to our promises. 

And let's face it, when you make this kind of commitment 
to stand behind your cars, you have to build them better. 


AMERICAN MOTORS CORPORATION 
We back them better because we build them better. 


At class reunions almost 
everybody has a gimmick. 
Try picking the one 

who doesn't go along. 

1. Nope. He's Don Wand 
Won school essay contest with "The Art of Pre-Marital Dancing." 
Gimmick: 200 mm holder to balance his 100 mm cigarette. 

2. No. It's Rah-Rah Mendelson, ex-cheerleader. Gimmick: He's 
wearing it. Smokes whatever he finds in his pouch. 3. No. 


They're not for 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


Can you spot 


1973 R. J. Reynolds Tobacco Co. 


He's Moe Mentum, alias “Stone Hands" for dropping passes. 

Just dropped statue of school mascot. 4. T. Deious, school bore. 
Gimmick: His voice, off-key contralto. Smokes oval cigarettes (he J 
sat on his soft-pack and liked it). 5. Curley Gilroy. His hair was 
voted "Most Likely to Recede." Gimmick: Staples toupee оп. |. 
Also staples his roll-your-owns. 6. Right, He's still his own 1 

man. Likes his cigarette honest, no-nonsense. too. Camel 

Filters. Easy and good lasting. ба. Kicky VII, ОЕШ SES 
mascot. Has eyes only for Mendelson mu 
(see 2 above). 


Camel Filters. CAMEL 
everybody | 3 


(but they could be for you). 


us Ca) 


20 mg. “tar 13 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC 


FRIEDMAN 


HUNT 


PLAYBILL ''* 


revolution has 
been raging—il that’s the word— 
for some time, but until now no 
one has attempted to measure its 
effects empirically, Since the first 
Kinsey published in 
1918, little has been done in the 
United States to determine accu 
rately what changes have taken 
place in our sex lives. The Playboy 
Foundation retained 
nization to poll a representative 
cross section of the adult popula- 
tion to provide some of this infor- 
ion. Morton Hunt, а veteran 
human-behavior writer. who is Ше 
author of The Natural History of MORRILL 
Love 


results wer 


se 


research oi 


1 The Mugging, was 
signed to interpret th 
series in PrAYnov. He and his wife, 
Bernice Kohn, interviewed in depth 
200 of the 9026 respondents to sup- 
plement the basic survey informa 
tion obtained from a compreh 
questionnaire. Sexual Behavior in 
the 1970s presents an overview of 
the insights gained from this survey. 
During the next five months. The 
Playboy Forum will include special sections presenting addi- 
tional material from the work, including find 
premarital and marital sex, extra- and posima 
bation and variant sexual practices, including homosexu 
‘The entire Hunt report will be compiled into one volume to 
be published by Playboy Press. 

“1 was the last with the least." 
Burl Reynolds Puts His Pants On the account of his per- 
sonal experiences while investigating the Reynolds-Sarah 
Miles brouhaha at. Bend. “This in part results from being 
tapped in New York City. I had been feeling very oppressed 
and dejected before going to Arizona, and when I got on the 
plane and saw what lly out there—all thar beautiful 
country—it. was a real thrill. The trip and the hard work en- 
livened me and the subject became secondary to what 1 was 
feeling. So the story is really about the Southwest and the 
people who live there.” Thats hardly what we'd call "least." 

In two stories this month, historical ji мп has been 
ied into re fiction. Anthony Austin, who was born 
China of White Russian pa correspondent in 
Peking and experienced. firsthand the effects of the American 
Janding in Shanghai at the end of World War Two. In When 
the Americans Came (illustrated by Arsen Roje), he tells what 
this meant to the White Russians living in that city. Gore 
Vidal's Burr: Portrait of a Dangerous Man (with visual por- 
traits by artist Phill Renaud) is a fresh and vivid examination 
of Colonel Aaron Burr's attitudes and actions around the time 
he killed Alexander Hamilton in а duel. Burr never revealed 
how Hamilton had insulted him, but this story hints av what 


sive 


dman says of. 


Bruce Jay Е 


as г 


ma 


sti 


MCLOUGHLIN 


RENAUD 


LINDERMAN AUS 


might have caused the fight. (It will 
appear in Vidal's novel Burr, to be 
published next month by Random 
House.) Neither historic nor jour- 
nalistic, thank God, Robert Sheck: 
leys Fantasy Voices is about a man 
who can't conduct his affairs w 
out the help of 
that gives him instructions. You may 
have noticed that a lot of people 
seem 10 suller from a similar dis 
order; at least Sheckley's character 
is aware of the problem. So. ар 
parently, is Dan Morrill, whose 
illustrative photograph accompanies 
the story. 

Stephen Yafa says this about the 
supersalesmen he profiles in The 
Promoters: “They 
lot different from us, except they 
got more blood runuing through 
them: They're very speedy and have 
tremendous energy. You get the im- 
n animal that is capable of 

y mom 
asping everything around it be: 
cause it’s always hungry. Money and 
the abi ive well don't mean 
much to them. It's the action they're 
after, like machines that sputter and die when they're idling.” 
of research that has been sorely needed is a cogent 
-up to Darwin's famous work, To supply this, we present 
The Fallout Follies, by Scot Morris and Wayne McLoughlin, 
the only soldiers of fortune we could find who were willing to 
brave the vast irradiated wastelands and come back with gen- 
uine specimens of mutant animals whose chromosomes must 
look like an asht 

One animal we found hard to classify was “Stroker Ace.” We 
know for sure that he's well versed in the fine art of trying to 
bust his hump at high speed, as Z Lost It in the Second Turn 
will testify. But we couldn't get him to take off his hel 
goggles. so no one is really sure if hes a r ation of 
ball Roberts or just a Bronx taxi driver out to make 
buck, Little, Brown will soon bring out the whole story, Stand 
on H, and you can decide [or yourself. A more serious job in 
the area of sports was done by Lawrence Linderman, who 
managed to ge. N.F.L. czar Pete Rozelle to sit still long enough 
for this month's Playboy Interview. 

Richard Hammer delivers again with Part IH of Playboy's 
History of Organized Crime, in which sundry elements at 
tempt to share New York City—with no love lost. This is also 
the month you can look ahead to what's happening in the 
world of threads in Robert L. Green's Fall and Winter Fashion 
Forecast, And photographed by Michael Kornafel is Sacheen 
Littlefeather, who represented Marlon Brando at this year's 
demy Award ceremonies. Now hold onto your hat: As a 
ial bonus, we've published this issue in English, num- 
1 lots of the pages and stapled the whole thing together. 


not a hell of a 


nt and 


/ Tull of cigarette butts. 


ica 


spe 
be 


vol. 20, no. 10—october, 1973 


PLAYBOY. 


CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


PLAYBILL.__. == 3 

DEAR PLAYBOY... п 

PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS... m л 

ACTS AND ENTERTAINMENTS. Е 22 

Aeris BOOKS... = чамы” Т 
DINING-DRINKING x en 


MOVIES 


RECORDINGS ч 
TELEVISION 


THEATER 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM ен " 57 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: PETE ROZELLE—candid conversation = ve oen 
SEXUAL BEHAVIOR IN THE 19705—« ccc. 84 
WHEN THE AMERICANS CAME- Fiction. = ANTHONY AUSTIN 90 
SACHEEN—pictorial ee сәз 
THE PROMOTERS—crticle EE STEPHEN YAFA 96 


„THOMAS MARIO 100 
“STROKER ACE" 103 


PAD WARMER—food and drink — 


1 LOST IT IN THE SECOND TURN— memoi 
THE FALLOUT FOLLIES— humor. SCOT MORRIS and WAYNE MC IOUGHUN 104 
PLAYBOY'S HISTORY OF ORGANIZED CRIME— article RICHARD HAMMER 109 
"COME INTO MY PARLOR"—playboy's playmate of the month... 114 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor — 122 
PLAYBOY'S FALL AND WINTER FASHION FORECAST—ottire ROBERT 1. GREEN 124 
BURT REYNOLDS PUTS HIS PANTS ON . . .—article.....BRUCE JAY FRIEDMAN 131 


BUNNIES OF 1973—pictoriol ess à 132 


Bunnies VOICES — fiction 1 _. ROBERT SHECKLEY 143 


BURR: PORTRAIT OF A DANGEROUS MAN—fiction........................GORE VIDAL 144 


THE PLAYBOY JAZZ & POP POLL—jazz/pop iA 


THE VARGAS GIRL—pictorial -m -ALBERTO VARGAS 154 


LADIES' AlD—ribold сіаззіє — i 155 
THE WATERGATE ADDICT'S TRIVIA QUIZ б. BARRY GOLSON 157 
ON THE SCENE-—personolities — зена: tm е 2. 174 

= 214 


Ballot P. 147 PLAYBOY POTPOURRI... 


GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY BUILDING, I9 NORTH MICHIGAN AVÉ. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 RETURN POSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY ALL MANUSCRIPTS, DRAWINGS AND PHOTOGRAPHS 
SUBMITTED 1F THEY ARE TO ME RETURWED AND NO RESPONSIBILITY CAN BE ASSUMED FOR UNSOLICITED MATEMALS ALL RIGHTS IN LETTERS SENT TO PLAYBOY WILL BE TREATEO AS 
ÜNCONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED FOR PUBLICATION. AND COPYRIGHT PURPOSES ANO AS SUBIECT TO PLAYBOY'S UNRESTRICTED RIGHT TO EDIT AND TO COMMENT EDITORIALLY CONTENTS 
Copyright © 1873 aY PLAYBOY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PLAYBOY AND RABBIT HEAD SYMBOL ARE MARKS OF PLAYBOY, REGISTERED U. S. PATENT OFFICE, МАРСА REGISTRADA. MARQUE 
DEPOSEE NOTHING WAY BE REPRINTED IN WHOLE OR IN PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE PUBLISHER. ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AND PLACES MY THE FICTION 
AND SEMIFICTION IN THIS MAGAZINE AND ANY REAL PEOPLE AND PLICES IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL, CREDITS: COVER: MODEL SHEILA RYAN. PHOTOGRAPHY BY ЛІСНАПО FEGLEY. OTHER 
PHOTOGRAPHY EY: PETER BORSARI / CAMERA S, P. D3, BROWN BROTHERS, P. 109, 11. CHARLES W. BUSH. P. 3 (су; MARIO CASILLI, P. 132: OAVID CHAN, F 133, 134, 133 (3), 136 (2). 136, 
140, JEFF COHEN, P. 3 (2). THE DETROIT MENS, P. 108 RICHARD FEGLEY. P 137. GILL AND WEL FIGGE. Р 121; KEN FRANTZ, F. 3. KEN GOLDBERG, P 133; LARRY DALE GORDON, Р Y 

BRIAN D HENNESSEY, P. 134, 140; RICHARD # HENETT. P. H6, 17 (4): DWIGHT HOOKER, P. 136, 138, 139 (2). тар. laf CARL Ini P. 130; ALL WREMENTZ, Р, 2; ) BARRY спорте, P. 3 б 
POMPEO POSAM. P14, 137. 139, 140, JDE SACHS, P. 714; LAWRENCE SCHILLER AND WILLIAM READ WOODFIKLD. P, 26, SUZANNE SEED, P 3 (2). VERNON L. SMITH. P 3 (2). UPL. P. 1 
ERIC WESTON, P. 3; WIDE WORLD PHOTOS. P. 111 (2), DARON WOLMAN, P. 3: P. 12, REPRINTED FROM PSYCHOLOGY TODAY MAGAZINE, JUNE пров, © сом MENICATIONS / RESEARCH / MACHINES, INC. 


NUMBER 10 PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY PLAYBOY, IH NATIONAL AND REGIONAL EDITIONS. PLAYBOY BUILDING. эта NORTH MICHIGAN AVENUE, 
Е YAN. 


CHICAGO, ILLINOIS E0611. SECOND-CLASS POSTAGE PAD AT CHICAGO. ILLINOIS, AND AT ADDITIONAL HAILING OFFICES, SUBSCRIPTIONS: IN THE UNITED STATES, $10 FOR OM 


Action is having an elec- 
tronic fuel-injected 2.0-liter 
engine take you from 0 to 60 in 
11.0 seconds. 

Action is stopping on radial 
tires with 4-wheel disc brakes. 

Action 
is taking 
a corner 
with rack-and-pinion steering 
in a mid-engine car and feel- 
ing closer to the road than the 
white line. 


Actio 


Action is a 
5-speed gear- 
box. 


Actionis a light, fiberglass 
roof you can take off in less 
than a minute. 

Action is sporting a 

built-in roll bar. 

Action is 13 of the 
wildest colors you’ve ever 
seen. From Zambezi Green to 
Signal Orange. 

Action is 29 miles to the gal- 


lon and a cruising range of 
more than 400 miles on one 
tank of gas. 

Action is finally stopping for 
gas and having all the station 
attendants wanting to wait on 
you. » 2 
Action is what you get every 
time youstep intoa mid-engine 
Porsche 914. 


Porsche 


PLAYBOY 


Minolta helps you discover 
the mysteries of women. 


It takes a quick eye and a responsive camera to 
every little girl. 

You're comfortable with a Minolta SR-T from the moment you pick it 
up. This is the 35mm reflex camera that lets you concentrate on your sub- 
ject. The viewfinder gives you all the information needed for correct expo- 
sure and focusing. Because you never have to look away from the finder to 
adjust a Minolta SR-T, you're ready to catch the one photograph that could 
never be taken again. 

Next time you see a little girl playing a woman's game, have a Minolta 
SR-T camera in hand. It will help you look into her future. For more infor- 
mation, see your photo dealer or write Minolta Corporation, 200 Park 
Ave. So., N.Y., N.Y. 10003. In Canada: Anglophoto Ltd., P.Q. 


Minolta SR-T 101/Minolta SR-T 102 


id the woman in 


When identified by a tactory-sealed “М” tag, Minolta 35mm reflex cameras are warranted by Minolta 
Corp. against defects in workmanship and materials for two years from date of purchase, excluding 
User-inflicted damage. The camera will be serviced at no charge provided it is returned within the war. 
ranty period, postpaid, securely packaged, including $2.00 for mailing. handling ond insurance. 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH М. HEFNER 
editor and publisher 
ARTHUR KRETCHMER executive editor 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 
SHELDON WAX managing editor 
MARK KAUFFMAN photography editor 


MURRAY FISHER, NAT LEHRMAN 
assistant managing editors 


EDITORIAL 
ARTICLES: DAVID WUTLER editor, GEOFFREY 
NORMAN associate cdilor, G. BARRY GOLSON 
assistant editor + FICTION: ROME. MACAULEY 
editor, STANLEY PALEY associate editor, 
SUZANNE MG NEAR, WALTER SUBLETTE assistant 
editors + SERVICE FEATURES: TOM OWEN 
modem living «ditor, ROGER WIENER assist- 
ant editor; ROBERT L. GREEN fashion director, 
DAVID PLATT associate fashion director, WALTER 
normes fashion cdilor; THOMAS MARIO 
food & drink editor * CARTOONS: MICHELLE 
URRY rdilor « COPY: ARLENE BOURAS editor, 
STAN AMBER assistant editor « STAFF: MICHAEL 
LAURENCE, ROBERT J. SHEA, DAVID STEVENS 
senior edilors; LAURENCE GONZALES, REG POT 
TERTON, DAVID STANDISH, CRAIG VETTER staff 
ишйетъ; DOUGLAS BAUER, WILLIAM J. HELMER, 
GRETCHEN MC NEFSE, CARL SNYDER associate 
cdilors; DOUGLAS С. BENSON, J. F. O'CONNOR, 
JAMES к. PETERSEN, ARNIE WOLTE assistant 
editors; SUSAN EISLER, MARIA NEKAM, BAR- 
BARA NELLIS, KAREN PADDERUD, LAURIE SADLER, 
BERNICE T. ZIMMERMAN research editors; 
J. PAUL GETTY (business & finance), NAT 
HENTOFF, RICHARD WARREN LEWIS, RAY RUSSELL, 
JEAN SHEPHERD, JOHN SKOW, BRUCE WILIAM: 
Sow (movies), том: UNGERER contribut- 
ing edilors • ADMINISTRATIVE SERVICES: 
rama paranee administrative editor; 
CATHERINE GENOVESE Tights & permissions; 
MILDRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant 


ART 
TOM STAEBLER, RERIG PONE associale directors; 
н. MICHAEL SISSON executive assistant; Bon 
POST, ROY MOODY, LEN WILLIS, CHET SUSKI, GOR- 
DON MORTENSEN, ERED NELSON, JOSEPH FACZER, 
ALFRED ZELCER assistant directors; JULIE FERS, 
VICTOR HUBBARD, GLENN STEWARD are assistanis 


PHOTOGRAPHY 

MARILYN GKABOWSKI west coast editor; 
GARY COLE, HOLLIS WAYNE associate editors; 
ute, SUMITS technical editor; МИЛ. ARSENAULT, 
TON AZUMA, DAVID CHAN, RICHARD FECLEY, 
DWIGHT HOOKER, POMPEO POSAR staf] photog- 
raphers; MARO CASILLA, BILL and MEL FIGG 
BRIAN D. HENNESSEY, ALEXAS URBA contributi 
photographers; juny JOUNSON assistant edi- 
tor: 1ro Krist. photo lab supervisor; JANICE 
BERKOWITZ MOSES chief stylist; ROBERT CHELIUS 
administrative editor. 


PRODUCTION 
JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARGO man- 
ager: ELEANORE WAGNER, RITA JOHNSON, 
MARIA MANDIS, RICHARD QUARTAROLI. assistanis 


READER SERVICI 
CAROLE CRAIG director 


CIRCULATION 
THOMAS WILLIAMS customer service 
avis WIEMOLD subscription manager 
VINCENT THOMPSON  newssland manager 


ADVERTISING 
HOWARD w. LEDERER advertising director 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INi 


ROWERT s. PREUSS business manager and 


associate publisher; RICHARD 5. ROSENZWE 
executive assistant to the publisher; 
RICHARD M. ROFF assistant publisher 


Slacks. Not lacks. 


The people who've 
been selling you 
slacks have been 
pulling your leg. 
'They would 
have you believe 


of slacks always 

B carries a fine 

Е price tag. 

“Fine slacks,” 
they intone, “show meticulous—and, 
therefore, expensive—attention to 
detail. Pockets lie flat. Patterns match 
nicely at the seams. Proper stitches are 
in their proper places. And the rich fabric 
drapes comfortably, naturally, and 
handsomely on the human form.” 

We agree. And we don’t agree. 

You can certainly tell a fine pair of 
slacks by how well they’re made. But 
not by how much they cost! 

Levi's" Panatela" Slacks are priced 
only a trifle above your average work- 
around-the-yard pants. Which puts 
their price six trifles below your average 
work-around-the-office pants. 

Yet despite their sensible cost (around 
$12 to $22, instead of $30 to heaven 
knows what), the economy of Levis 
Panatela Slacks is noticeable only 
to your wallet. 

Upon close examination, one sees that 
pockets lie flat; patterns match; 
Stitches are perfect; and the fabric 
drapes comfortably, naturally, and 
handsomely on your human form. 

Sometime soon, visit a men's store 
and try on a pair of Panatela Slacks. See 
if you can tell any difference between 


Levis Panatela Slacks 


trademark of Levi$ı 


Levi's" is а registered trademark cf Levi Saus & Co „San Fr 


our Slacks and their $lacks. Other than 
the $. 

We're all but certain that you'll walk 
out owning a pair of Panatela Slacks. 
Because legs were 
made to be fitted. 
Not pulled. 


s & Co, San Frar 


Bécause deep, rich sound | 
gets trapped inside a speaker, 
we gave ita way to get out. 


stereo system is that 
the sound that goes 
in should come out 


again—as faithfully 
m p» reproduced as 
possible. But with a 


lot of systems, 
including many 
with sealed speakers, that just 
doesn't happen. Some of the 
deep bass gets trapped inside 
the speaker cabinets. So you 
never hear it. 

With Zenith's new line of 
Allegro stereo systems,* you can 
hear those deep, rich sounds. 
They're channeled out of the 
speaker through a unique 
opening in front called a “‘tuned- 
port." Added to our specially- 
designed woofer and horn-type 


» The whole idea of a 
b 


tweeter, this innovative design 
means remarkable efficiency. 

A 60-watt Allegro system 
equals the sound performance 
of a 120-watt system with 
comparable size air-suspension 
speakers. By the same standard, 
in terms of size and efficiency, 
the Allegro system has the 
deepest, richest sounding 
speakers on the market today. 

Better sound isn't the whole 
story, of course. Allegro offers 
innovative features too. 
4-channel adaptability—just by 
adding a few extras. Many 
models to choose from. And 
lots more. 

But the best part about 
Allegro is how it sounds. Once 
you hear it, you'll know what 
we're talking about. 


Introducing Zenith Allegro... 
the tuned sound system. 


The Woodstock, Model ES94W, Allegro 3000. 


The surprising sound of Zenith. 


The 


2722 Alero 


е quality goes in before the name goes on? 


‘patent pending 


Gen. U. S. Importers: Van Munching & Со. Inc., М.Ү, N.Y. 


IMPORTED HEINEKEN. IN BOTTLES, ON DRAFT AND DARK BEER. 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


EJ) оон PLAYBOY MAGAZINE - PLAYBOY BUILDING, 919 N. MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


VIEWS ON VONNEGUT 
1 greatly enjoyed your July interview 
with the superlative Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. 
Until I began reading Vonnegut, 1 was a 
conservative and a Christian. Now 1 a 
n being 
Terry Woodfield 
Groves, Texas 


Vonnegut may claim that cveryth 
he says is "horseshit," but, as is so evid 
in your interview, such a sentiment is a 
lie. Vonnegur's language may be inele 
nt, but I believe there is no one who 


better captures the pulse of our times. In 


your int Vonnegut goes beyond 
telling it like it is by displaying a basic 
understanding of the hi need to 


belong and the contradictory human ten- 
dency to be suspicious of systems. Thank 
you for giving me a rare glimpse into the 
mind of a genius, And that’s no horseshit. 
Norman Gelas Dugas 
Keene, New Hampshire 


Vonnegut blames the loneliness in 
American society and the dissolution of 
community on “the factory system.” He 
makes it sound if a monstrous indus- 
tr су is keeping intelligent, 
rational, individual beings from coming 
together. This is nonsense. Inherent in 
economy is free 

С. Tom V 
Brookfield, Connecticut 


Your interview contains one i 
inconsistency. Early in the interview, 
Vonnegut decl "Our brains аге 
two-bit computers, and we can't get very 
highgrade truths out of them.” Later 
on. he says, “The human brain is too 
high-powered to have many practical 
uses in this particular universe.” Which 
is it, Kurt? 


settling 


James L. Cunningham 
Coconut Grove, Florida 


Vonnegut reveals himself to be a witty, 
charming man. Nevertheless, his overrid- 
ing pessimism casts a doud over any 
utopia he might conceive. Curing cancer, 
getting to Mars, eliminating racial pre 
dice or flushing Lake Erie won't b 
him happiness, and it’s clear that he | 

гу little faith in exerting effort to im- 


AVENUE, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS зови. sUBSCmIPTI 


D MONTHLY эт ты 
WE UNITED STATES, |15 POSSESSIONS AND CAMADA, 
TLSENMERE s15 PER YEAR 

RENEWALS, CHANGE OF ADDRESS: SEND BOTH OLD AND иги ADDRESSES TO PLAYBOY 


prove the human condition. There'll a 
ways be some fools who do, though. It 
will be interesting to sce Vonnegut’s re- 
action if he should ever owe his happiness 
to one of them. 


Nom Pliscou 
Holtville, California 


The introduction to my interview is 
slightly misleading jonship 
with the University of Chicago. The in 
troduction claimed that the university 
ver gave me a degree, which isn’t so. It 
was almost so. In 1971. I was notified out 
of the blue that I was awarded an М.А. 
anthropology. This was not an honor 
degree but ned one, given on the 
basis of what the faculty committee called 
the anthropological value of my novels. I 
snapped it up most cheerfully and 1 con- 
inuc to have nothing but friendly feel- 
ings for the university, which gave me the 
most stimulating years of my life. 

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. 

New York, New 


1 ea 


Your Vonnegut interview is the first 
PLAYHoY interview I've read in months. 
m I missing something? 
Dean Cowan 
APO Seattle, Washington 


We think so. 


STOCK ANSWER 

Max Gunther's How to Beat the Stock 
Market by Watching Girls, Counting 
Aspirin, Checking Sunspots and Wonder- 
ing Where the Yellow Went (pcAvwov, 
July) is fine for small t 
literally could leave the cap 
small change. The age 
would probably attempt to purchase 
securities when the stock market was low, 
as predicted by any of the methods de- 
seribed by Gunther. However, depending 
on which particular stocks he buys, the in- 
vestor might still wind up following 
the footsteps of Jesse Livermore. to sui- 
Gide, rather than in those of Bernard 
ruch, to success. 


h 
investor 


James G. Urbanek 
Parma, Ohio 


BIJOONAS—BOON OR BANE? 
James Jackson Kilpatrick's In Search 
of the Savage Bijoona (vLaywoy, Jul 


зга топ THREE 
SERIFTIONS AND 


EMERY SMITH, MARKETING SERVICES DIRECTOR, NELSON FUTCH, MARKETING MANAGER. MICHAEL RICH 


GET 
THOUSANDS 
OF SUREFIRE 

LIGHTS 


[c] 
hter $149 
Gillette makes it work. 


OThe Gillette Co., Boston, Mass. Ф.М. of S.T. Dupont S-A. 


Disposable Butane Lig 


n 


PLAYBOY 


12 


public service and much appreciated. 1 
rent a trailer that contains a plain but de- 
vious bijoona of the Sneaky Topple pe 
suasion. But the worst thing al 
that it practices. Manys the и 
climbed into bed and dozed off, only 
be awakened at the sound of its launch- 
g from the vertical to the horizon 


n. Its scary. 


Don Schwarzman 
"Tucson, Arizona 


Kilpatrick's interest in the bijoona is 
echoed by an editorial in the June 
1973, issue of The Journal of the Ameri- 
can Medical Association. which said 
part: “Physicians have often been urged 
to advocate clements of preventive med 
the homes of the ies they 
serve. the object being accident preven- 
tion. Nowhere, however, have we seen 
recorded a danger peculiar to the toilet 
. All is well for [the male] unless 
c of the house] decides to 
ment the toilet lid with а pay cover. 
[Then] he becomes a victim of the pe- 
nile-slam syndrome when the unbalanced 
seat crashes down 

Jim Herron 
Canonsburg. Penn: 


cine in 


ylvania 


I enjoyed In Search of the Savage Bi- 
joona nsely, even though writer Kil- 
e to one of 
the most dangerous species, the Savage 
Reverse bijoona. The reverse model is a 
spring-loaded device that keeps the seat 
in an elevated. position until sat upon. 
Overrcaching for toilet. paper results in 
an automatic flush and a reverse bijoon 
whereby the seat rises up under the p: 
tron’s shirttails. plunging patron onto a 
suddenly seatless bowl. 


Donn J- Shands 
Houston, Те 


Understa Kilpaticks amusing, 
article treated bijoonas from a male point 
of view. І must report, however, 
when a lady rises from such a facility and 
hears а loud thud, accompanied by a 
ight breeze on her unprotected derriere, 
it makes her feel great sympathy for all 
males. 


Helen R. Chapman 
ceport, Texas 


In Scarch of the Savage Bijoona is a 
disgrace to the few remaining educated 
readers of PLAYBOY. Jts low- 
truly reflects the decadence of tod 
society. I suggest you 
file it where i 

forget to flush. 


J.C. Matthan IV 
Kenosha, Wisconsin. 


THE GRAY HOUSE 

In those days before Watergate pene- 
trated thc publie consciousness, when 
the unthinking herd seemed. mesmerized 


by White House word wizardry, David 
Halberstam’s July essay on Nixon, The 
Worst and the Grayest, came on like a 
prophetic flash of light. Halberstam's 
piece goes a long way in revealing the 
blemishes beneath the political cosmetics 
of the Nixon gang. It took guts to write. 
Thank you, Halberstam and PLAYBOY. 

Valmore Cote 

Manhattan Beach, California. 


Tt seems Halberstam’s chief complaints 
against President Nixon are that a group 
ol his misguided devotees tried to 
Larry O'Brien's telephone and that many 
of the people he selected to serve with 
him do not have scintillating personali- 
ties. Halberstam can criticize all he wants, 
but he can't undo the results of last No- 
vember's Presidential electio 

]. А. Joh 


"Tucson. 


COVER GIRLS 
Your July cover struck me as quite sim- 
ilar to one published a few years ago by 


Psychology Today and later released 
poster titled Authentic Self. What do you 
think? 


Ralph Costain 
Cincinnati. Ohio 

A curious coincidence, Ralph. Our 

cover designer swears he never sau it, 


PASSION PLAY 

Nik Cohn’s entertaining account of the 
shooting of Jesus Chist Superstar in 
Jesus Christ Superham (ecavwoy, July) 


exploited something of r 
original stage productio 
was a simpler depiction of a noble 
But, once again, the hucksters are wa 
forming real emotion into popcorn. A 


pity. 


of Superstar 
ife. 


James Evanitsky 
Johnson City. New York 


I have been a subscriber to your n 
ine for more than 15 years. But Jesus 
Christ Superham and its attending illus- 
tration are insulting to my religious 
convictions. Please drop my subscription 
immediately 


M: 
Со! 


nuel R. Morales 
al Gables, Florida 


Done. 


1 pity your souls [or the blasphemous 
tion to Jesus Christ Superham 
a hippie. cigareitesmoking 


Christ sitting in a director's chair. I am 
sure that on judgment day, when you 
cach confront the savior you had the gall 
to mock, he will say, “Depart from me, 1 
never knew you.” 


L/Cpl. R. W. Kalwat 
Litle Creek, Virginia 


As one of the few journalists who were 
admitted to the filming of Jesus Christ 
Superstar in Israel. I feel that E must take 
exception to Gohn’s obviously prejudiced 
report. True, I was on the set after Cohn, 
but unless some miracle occurred in the 
interim, I'm certain that he didn't scc the 
same company I did. On most movie seis, 
morale disintegrates as the shooting pro- 
gresses, especially when the locations are 
äs rough as they were in Israel. Notso here. 
In contrast to Cohn's view, I have rarely 
encountered such dedication to a project 
as 1 saw on the set of Jesus Christ Super- 
star. While I was with them, the shooting 
war broke out on the Golan Heights, 
barely 20 miles from where the Superstar 
finale was being staged. Only one man in 
а company of well over 100 asked our. 
Although I spent a good deal of time with 
Norman Jewison in the five days 1 was 
re, 1 was never aware of the funky ser- 
ty that Cohn described, and I simply 
don't believe Jewison ble of the 
statement Cohn attributed to him that 
“We could have had Mary going down on 
Jesus. right there on the cross." In the ten 
years I have known Jewison, I have neve 
heard him give v 
ity—or blasphemy. I might also add that 
the reverence the cast felt for Ted Neeley 
was not only real but earned. Neeley was 
ted man, always on the set, 
whether he was in the shot or not. When 
Judas sang, "Every time I look at you I 
don't understand . . ." he was actually 
looking at Jesus. This had nothing to do 
with whether or not Necley’s salary was 
n three figures”: it had everything to do 
with how the Superstar company related 
10 the project. 1 resent Cohn's piece be- 
Cause, St to fi it 
irresponsible and unrelenting put-down. 
Т resent it even more because, after s 
the completed film, I thought that Jewi- 
son had successfully accomplished precis 
ly what he had set out to do- до translate 
a rock opera that had been enormously 
1 the 
into something at least as co 
on the screen. I can anticipate 
howls of i iom from the па 
B'rith and fundamentalists, but E didn't 
expect it in PLAYBOY. 

Arthur Knight 

Los Angeles, Californi; 


a com 


FRANC 
t tell you how much my wife and 
I enjoyed Joseph Wechsbergs A Gross- 
ing on the France (PLaynoy, July). We 


boarded the France, that dowager of the 
5 iversary, f 


on our 25th r our first 
cruise ever. From the moment we got on 


sca 


LEATHER 


makes the difference 


FLORSHEIM 


makes the shoe 


As all-leather shoes become rarer this Florsheim Beaumont in genuine leather is a further 
stand out. The look of obvious quality is no accident. For example, Florsheim buys only the 
best grades of sole leather then sells what doesn't pass our own hand-grading inspection. 
Longer wearing, naturally flexible shoes are the result. Nothing beats a combination of nature 
and Florsheim standards for a combination of comfort, long wear and distinctive appearance. 


The BEAUMONT: 30761 Brown and Gold Calf * 20766 Black and Gold Call * 20770 Black Calf • 30769 Gold Calf * 89607 Blue and Gold Calf 


THE FLORSHEIM SHOE COMPANY = CHICAGO 60606 • A DIVISION OF INTERCO INCORPORATED 


PLAYBOY 


14 


Don't go into hock before you 
even get there. 


Money and luggage. 

Two things you need for a vaca- 
tion. Don't spend too much of one 
onthe other. 

We make inexpensive casual lug- 
gage that's as attractive and sturdy 
as fancier stuff. 

Made of washable vinyl, our nine 
models have extra-strength zippers 


and double-stitched edges. 

They come in strawberry, tourist 
gold, birchwood, and bermuda 
brown, $35 for the 22” carry-on and 
$45 for the 26" pullman case. 

Our luggage will 
take you many 


placen but never 


to the poorhouse. 


American Tourister 
Casual Luggage 


Experience. It shows. 


Experience is what separates the men from the boys. Especially in automatic 


exposure cameras. 


After all, it takes a lot of practice to make automation reliable in something 


as small and sophisticated as a fine camera, _ 
nce than Konica. 


Well, nobody has more expet 


The Konica Auto-S rangefinder cameras were introduced more than a 
decade ago. And immediately proved that automation wasn't the exclusive 


province of the novice. 


Then Konica introduced the first automatic-exposure pocket-sized range- 


finder 35, the C-35. And the first automatic-exposure professional 


reflex, the Autoreflex. 


igle-lens 


Now anyone can have automatic exposure 35mm photography. The profes- 
sional, the amateur and casual picture taker. With Konica's extensive experi- 
ence to back them. And razor-sharp Hexanon lenses up front. All at prices 
that anyone can afford. So go to your Konica dealer and see the difference 
experience makes. Or write for detailed literature. 


Konica Camera Co., Woodside, New York 11377, 
In Canada: Garlick Films Ltd., Toronto 


KONICA 


Makers of world-famous 
Sakura Color Print Films. 


Konica. The world's most experienced automatic cameras. 


hoard, we were greeted with courtesy and 
smiles; the officers in their dress whites 
lined up on one side, the young stew- 
ards on the other. From then on, the 
cruise was nothing but fun, friendship and 

lerful cuisine—a dream of a voyage, 
even though we were traveling tourist 
class. For our return, however, we booked 
passage on tlie new Cunard Quecn Eliza- 
beth 2. We were met by a negligent, 
indilferent and hostile crew. Our ассо 
modations were switched and our din- 
ingroom seating changed without our 
pproval. We received no help with our 
baggage and we were sneered at and in- 
sulted by the lowest diningroom pcr- 
sonnel. The France may be ancient in 
comparison with the sleek new Cunards. 


but ГЇЇ take it any time—at any price or 
fare diffi Many thanks to Wechs- 
berg for g mc recall pleasant 


memories. 


Mitchell R. Friedberg. 
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 


A Crossing on the France reminded me 
of my experiences on the France's maiden 
eastbound voyage. For the first day or 
two, conf ned. Passengers kept 
getting lost—possibly because few of the 
stewards һай yet learned English. 
Passagewiatys that should have been open 
were closed. "The designations given the 
decks were confusing: The "main deck” 
was descriptive enough, but passengers 
would have to descend to reach the 
“upper deck.” Below that was the “prome- 
nade deck” and. at the bottom. the "ve 
randa deck" I was told I could dial 
the news on the phone. The first mo 
ing, I got the latest report on Fr 
troubles in Algeria and word thi 
Peruvians were rioting. The trouble was, 
nobody ever bothered to change the re- 
ach morning I dialed the num- 
that conditions in Algeria 
the Peruvians never 
rioting. Nevertheless, the 
wonderful. and now, wh 
I traverse the Atlantic in six hours, 1 
look buck on the old days with regret. 
Herman Herst, Jr 

Boca Raton, Florida 


ces 
some 


INNING WAGER 


rime does pay 
sorbing interest for readers. If 
carelul, though, he's going to get himself 
invited to the White House, as head of 
the Department of Dirty Tricks. Political 
persuasions aside, he should dedine, be- 
cause his crimes are successful 
Thomas Patrick McMahon 
Nyack, New York. 
Crime novelist. McMahon's latest. is 
“The Hubschmann Effect.” 


DEATH IN MIAMI 
Donn Pcarce's account of the real hor- 
rors behind the myth of Miami in Win 


4 cold,calculated reasons 
to buy Quatrecolor 


Choosing a color TV is no spur-of- 
the-moment decision. You need 
some pretty strong reasonsto pick 
one set over another. 

Like the Quatrecolor™ modular 
chassis that makes servicing quick 
and easy. Because 75% of all our 
circuitry is built onto 5 circuit 
boards. 

In fact, the National Electronics 
Association rated the Quatrecolor 
CT-701 as the easiest to service of 
all color televisions they tested 
in plant through June 1973. 

Of course, we want those 
service Calls to be few and far 
between, So we engineer every 
Quatrecolor set with 100% solid- 


stale circuitry. To run cooler and 
last longer. Because the only 
tube is the picture tube. 

And what a picture tube. We call 
it Pana-Matrix™. It surrounds each 
color dot with a black background. 
So you get bright, vivid colors. 
And asharp picture. 

And you don't have to worry 
about drops or surges in voltage 
ruining the picture. Because 
Quatrecolor has a special auto- 
matic voltage regulator circuit with 
SCR (Silicon Control Rectifier) 
that maintains the correct 
voltage level. 

You won't have to fiddle with a 
bunch of knobs to keep the 


picture beautiful, either. Because 

Panasonic gives you Q-Lock. One 

button that electronically controls 

Color, tint, contrast and brightness. 
And Q-Lock's active color and 

tint circuits automatically seek 

out and maintain the best color 

picture. Even when you change 

channels, or atmospheric 

conditions affect the signal. 
Quatrecolor. From 17" portables 

up to 25" consoles (measured 

diagonally). чы 
After all we put 

into them, you owe 

it to yourself to go 

see the picture that 

comes out of them. Guatrecolor 


and 8 more that just look nice. 


А 
Рапаѕопіс. 
just slightly ahead of our time. 
200 Park Avenue, Naw York 10017 


PLAYBOY 


16 


The Brain. 


Tired of missing great photos? 
Yashica has solved your problem 
with its exciting new SLR — the 
TL Electro—the electronic camera 
experts call The Brain. 
Because its solid-state 
exposure system guides 
you to perfect pictures, 
shot after shot. See 
the TL Electro at 
your local Yashica 
dealer, today. 


YASHICA 


ELECTRONIC CAMERAS... 
It's a whole new thing 


YASHICA Inc.. 50-17 Queens Boulevard, Woodside, New York 11377 


Slip on a pair of Koss K2+2 Quodrofones® ond slip into the closest 
thingto o live performance you'll ever heor. Because unlike speakers, 
the Koss K2+2 mixes oll four channels in your heod. See your Audio 
Speciolist for a live demonstrotion. And write for our free color 
catalog, c/o Virginia Lomm. The Sound of Koss Quodrafones will 
take your breoth away, but the price won't . . . from $45 to $85. 


“066 aupnronese 


from the people who invented Stereophones, 


KOSS CORPORATION, 4129 N. Port Washington Ave., Milwoukee, Wis., 53212 
Ком S.r.l., Via dei Voltorto, 21 20127, Milan, oly 


Some, Lose Some (PLAYBOY 
moving thing to experienc 
prising that Florida has become a place 
where social undesirables die like flies 
The Cubans and the elderly of today only 
recall the Indians who were rounded 
up and shipped to Florida by the Federal 
Government 100 years ago. 


July) was a 
It's not sur 


humidity, humricanes and tr 
ewes did a better job on those s 
outcasts than bullets 
Michel Cohen 
New York. New York 


CAPTURING THE KING 

Brad Darraclrs superb article. The Day 
Bobby Blew H (eLavnoy, July), on Bobby 
Fischer's antics prior 10 his world-cham 
pionship chess match is the clearest look 
yet into the mind of this chess genius. 
Ive a ag that the whole episode 
ated in 1975, when Fischer is 
forced to defend his title 

Gordon W. Gribble 

ew Hampshire 


Darrachrs article is hilarious. if not al 
ther kind or perceptive, As Bobb 
арек, 1 also spent better than th 
months in Iceland. tracking down the in 
side story of why he played a Zwische 
sug —it waiting move in chess—hefore he 
lelt New York, Its a pity that Darrach, 
ven your readers a truly 

in all his 


biog 


impe of F 
splendor as a gamesman (both on and off 
the board), could only come up with a 
1 portrait of the champion as King 
Ke much as 
р. h- 
ers mind operates at immense velocity. 
and often he grows restless wi 
pertinent conversation. Indeed. irs likely 
that the champion’s lack of table m 
ean be attributed. ло his boredom м 
Darrach himself. 
Frank Brady 
Tannersville, Pennsylvania 
Brady is an internalional arbiter of 
the World Chess Federation and author 
of “Profile of a Prodigy: The Life and 
Games of Bobby Fischer.” 


triv 


Fischer is no baboon, 


ch would have ns believe 


rly evide: 
is a horse's 


As is хо € 
ticle. Fisch 


king fools of themselves ov 
him, especially when there are so many 
real problems 10 face. 


Ann Hotton 
Venice, Florida 


GORGEOUS GORGE 

Your July pictori 
on the t Playboy Club-Hotel, was 
excellent report. on what looks to be 
beautiful place 


essay Great Gorge 


R. L. Darko. 
Sowth Bend, Indi 


ЕЗ 


CYOUSWAGIN OF AMERICA. INC. 


Can you still get prime quality for $1.26 a pound? 


A pound of Volkswagen isn't 
cheap compared to other cars. But 
what you pay for is the quality. 
Prime quality. 

Just look at what you get for your 
money: 

13 pounds of point, some of it in 
places you can't even see. (So you 
can leave a Volkswagen out over- 
night and it won't spoil.) 

A watertight, airtight, sealed steel 
bottom that protects against rocks, 


*DIN 70030 


rain, rust and rot. 

Over 1,000 inspections per one 
Beetle. 

1,014 inspectors who are so fin- 
icky that they reject parts you could 
easily ride around with and not even 
Getect there was anything wrong. 

Electronic Diagnosis that tells you 
what's right and wrong with impor- 
tant parts of your car. 

A 1600 cc aluminum-magnesium 
engine that gets 25* miles to a gallon 


of regular gasoline. 

Volkswagen's traditionally high 
resale value. 

Over 22,000 changes and im- 
provements on a car that was well 
built to begin with. 

What with all the care we take in 
building every single Volkswagen, 

= we'd like to call it a filet 
mignon of a car. Only 
iW one problem. It's too 

МЫ tough. 

Few things in life work as well as a Volkswagen. 


10 VERY MODERN SWEEPSTAKES. 


When she asks you Find her Keep him around 
to let her a fun fur by letting him 
drive your car, in a fun city: ауе a supe 
it's a Lotus. Copenhagen. comfortable chair. 


The Eames chair and ottoman 


The Lotus Europa Twin-Com Travel and accommodations 


Special, from England. for two at the D'Angleterre from Hermon Miller. Probably 
With mid-engine. And the Hotel'in Copenhagen for 7 the world's most comfortable 
feel of a real racing machine. days and $1,000 to buy a fur. seating arrangement. 


When everything's Take a Start the evening 
just too much, good crew by letting her 
relax in your on a midnight pick her own 
personal savna. sail. orchid. 


A Lord & Burnham window 
greenhouse installed and 20 
orchid plants to grow in it. Up 
1o 48" X 72". 


The Hobie Cot 16. А 16-ft. 
catamaran, great for two, 
okay for four. A class boat 
that can go 25.9 mph. 


A Cecil Ellis sauna imported 
from Finland, complete with 
sauna stove and igneous 

rocks. 4' X 6' X 634! 


MULTIFLTER 


FROM 20 VERY MODERN CIGARETTES. 


Go fly a couple If you want 
of kites to play the game, 
on the beach you'll have 
at Acapulco. the court. 


Regular or Menthol 


; Multifilter is the cigarette for today's 
Travel and accommodations A 30-week season of weekly lifestyle. From the feel of the pock, 


for two at the Acapulco hour-long tennis sessions to the design of the filter, to the taste 
Princess for 7 days. And two near you. Plus two rackets of БОО ЕУ ТЕЬ 

kites to fly in the Mexican sky. your choice. The prizes in our 10 sweepstakes have 
1o do with today's zest to go, to do, to try 
something new. And are as modern as our 
very modern cigarettes. 


Beat the Try to 


H Chocse one. Or more than one. Then, 
gas shortage in keep your cool please, read the rules. Note especially 
a two-person on a raft down that each of the 10 sweepstakes must be 
lal car. the Colorado. entered separately, and that each entry 


must be mailed individually —with the 
number of the sweepstakes on the lower 
left corner of the envelope. 


OFFICIAL RULES - NO PURCHASE REQUIRED- ALL PRIZES WILL BE AWARDED 

1. Wate the numberof the sweepstokes you wash fo enter 1 the space ро 

‘eden thecllicel enr Bank,  onoplon pece ol 3 x 5 poper 

2 Hrd print your nome, adrest. zip оде on your erty irode withit the 

Pred ont panels Kom two packs of Muller ogoreies, regulor or 

Rental, or he word Mulier. hond pented on о plor prse ai paper 

3 Enter os ohen s you wah, but you moy enter only one эмр per. 
"nd eoch enny must be толей separate 18. Мын РО. Box 

OD, Westbury, New York 1590, Eniies must be posmorked by Feb. 1 

1974 ond revved by Feb I, 1976. 

4 IMPORTANT: You must write the number of the sweepstakes you ore 

Феод on the outside cl ihe ervetope. i he lane elon corner 

winrar wil by selected in random d 

or swept коте! Judgi 

pendent о ا‎ 


A pedal cor called a PPV—for 
People Powered Vehicle. It's 
noiseless. Non-pollutant. Nice 
healthful exercise. 


Travel for two to Las Vegas rly are prizo too fanily toi 
ond 2 to the Ferodo River ё Gens LP eer рс изүе emet 
for 5 days camping and shoot- i 
Y P ng vd n Idaho, Missouri, Washington, Wisconsin, ond wherever pro- 


ing the white-water rapids. bte tesnctedor кое. 
7. For o Из! of winners, send o stomped. self odcressed envelope to MULTI- 
FIER WINNERS IST. FO. Box ДВ? Wesibury New Vou 11590, 


Multifilter, PO. Box 2200, Westbury, New York 11590. 
I'm very sure which sweepstokes to enter ond I've corefully read the rules. 


The sweepstokes number is ond the prize is 
NAME 


‘Menthol: 11 mg. "tar," 0.9 mg. nicotine, 
Regular: 14 mg. "tar," 1.1 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette, FIC Report, Feb. 73. 


Warming: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


| ary. STATE. ZP. 


White rum. Puerto Rican rum. Something you can stay with. 


There are times when you feel like you're the only two people 
in the world. 

White rum won'tintrudeonthatfeeling. It's there butneverinthe 
way. That's because white Puerto Rican Rumislighterthan thedriest 
gin and smoother than vodka. Lighter than gin because no extra 
flavors are added. Smoother than vodka because it's aged in white 
oak casks for one full year...by Puerto Rican law. 

So if you want something you can stay with, try P^; 
your favorite drink made with white rum. Or drinkit 
all by itself. In a world of your own. PUERTO RICAN RUM 


* 1973 Commonwealth of Puerto Rico. 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


el it like it is, sister: According to 
The Dallas Morning News, dy 
management. consultant for the General 
Electric company told an audience of 
career-oriented females at Texas Chris- 
п University that a woman who wishes 
to enter business or industrial manage 
ment “has a natural opening she ca 
capitalize on. 


In San Jose, reports the Los Ange- 
les Times, à blind man and a paraplegic, 
both convicted of bank robbery and sen- 
tenced to long prison terms, used ka- 
rate to disarm and overpower the two 
Federal marshals who were driving them 
to prison, 

Meanwhile, in Phoenix, a 36” dwarf 
was accused of a $500 bank robbery. A 
bank official, quoted in The Miami Her- 
ald, said that while the bank's cameras 
were working, no usable pictures resulted, 
because the man’s head “just didn't come 
up to the level of the counter. 

Dear Ann Landers,” wrote Tactile 
Tillie in the Raleigh News and Observer. 
“Why don't some men realize that affec 
tion during sex isn't enough? My hus 
band never touches me outside the 
bedroom. I'd give anything if he'd give 
me a squeeze, put his arms around me, or 
part my rump once in a while." 


Good idea: In The Tampa Tribune, a 
ge display ad for a monster film 
tiled Schlock contained this Боасе 
warning: DUE 10 THE HORKIEYING NATURE 


OF THIS FILM, NO ONE WILL BE ADMITTED 
TO THE THEATER, 


ign seen on a community center in 
Utica, New York: ANNUAL POLISH DAY 
PICNIC—SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 8 & 9. 


Our tumescentcgo-ofthe-month tro 
phy goes to the Maryland man who, ac 
cording to the Baltimore News American, 
surprised a young schoolteacher sun-bath. 
ing on her apartment roof, raped her at 
knifepoint, forced her back to her a 


part- 


t, raped her again—and then left his 
telephone number. Police tra 
the number and arrested him 


cked down 


Encouraging news from Todays 
Health: In New York State, which has 
the nation’s highest ratio of doctors to 
patients (193 per 100,000), the life expec 
tancy is two and one half years less than 
in Nebraska, which has 98 doctors per 
100,000 people 


A form letter sent to prospective col 
lege graduates from the Navy Recruiting 
Command indicates that the old seethe- 
world pitch has been updated. In de 
scribing some of the goodies recruits can 


expect from the new Navy, the letter said: 
“Then there are free medical benefits and 
low-cost insurance. And travel to foreign 
ports—with 30 days’ paid vacation to see 


and enjoy these erotic places. 
Were didn’t have a 
apher on hand to g 


sorry we pho. 


to ct a picture of 


the winner in an event that was recent- 
ly announced on the church page of 
the Livermore, California, Independent. 
"Women's Association members are en- 
couraged to wear centennial garb in keep- 
ing with the current church observances 
А prize will be given for 
ed box” 


the best dew- 


Some defense: According to the Green- 
ville, South Carolina, News, Iowa State 
moved the ball effectively against Okla- 
homa State, but its offense was stalled by 
“a fumble, two pass interceptions and a 
couple of tits.” 

ter: A 
е at a Tucson depart 
ment store featured specials on rifles and 


Looks like a long, hot w 
back-to-school 


shotguns 

Colonel Sanders is probably mot 
mused. but à fastservice fried-chicken 
outfit is now prospering in Nova Scotia 


under the g trade 
Lick-a-Chick. 


nouth-wateri name 


Deputy Defense Secretary William P. 
Clements, Jr., who recently said that the 
nation's 85-billion-dollar defense budget 
may have to be increased to keep pace 
with Soviet weaponry, has come up with 
a way to cut costs. According to Dela- 
ware's Wilmington Morning News, Clem- 
ents has ordered limousines parked 
outside the Pentagon to shut off their en- 
s while w 


iting for their passengers 

The dance of life: A death notice in In 
diana's South Bend Tribune concluded 
on a decidedly upbeat note. “Burial will 
be in Chapel Hill Memorial € 
Friends ma 


dens. 


y ball in the funeral home 


In Godfrey, Illinois, evangelist Larry 
ayton held a cross aloft and told a tent- 
ful of the faithful how Jesus calmed the 
windlashed sea. "Jesus can calm the 
storm in your life, too,” Clayton pro- 
claimed. Just then, if we can believe a 
writeup in the Chicago Daily News, a 


prairie thunderstorm ripped the tent 


21 


PLAYBOY 


22 


A few months 
back, a reader of 
this column sent 
usa limerick. That 
kc. We 
h dim- 
ericks in Playboy 
After Hours. They 
are the exclusive 
property of J. F. 
O'Connor, our 
Party Jokes Edi 
tor, Hyperenthu: 
astic readers might 
recall O'Connor's 
contribution to 
these pages in Au 
gust 1972, when 
we asked him to 
provide us with 
the 12 most popu- 
lar joke punch lines in modern 
America. He spent three months 
reading 250,000 jokes and then 
us the punch lines without including 
the jokes. (The winner was “Move 
over, girls, I have to gargle!”) 

We sent the wayward limerick off 
to O'Connor, suggesting that while 
we thought the limerick had its faults, 
it was both charming and contempo- 
тагу. Here is the limerick: 


The standing position to Ps. 
Is not exclusively Hs. 

But when ladies essay 

To do it that way, 
They're very likely to Ms. 


Hi 


s O'Connor's 


reply: 


This limerick has several defects: 
1. Starting out with Ps. might well 
confuse some slow-uptake readers. 
In a limerick involving this genre 
of abbreviated wordplay, the stand- 


appe: 
guidance regarding the subsequent 
confected abbreviations. 

2. There is rhyme slippage. Ms 
nd his have the Z sound and piss 


3. There are metrical faults 
three of the five lines, specifically 
the second, fourth and fifth, as my 
scansion signs on the attached origi 
nal show, The fourth line is a par- 
ticular problem: 

What to do? Well. if we accept the 
rhyme slippage, which ог and 
almost unavoidable in this case, I с 
Correct the metrical failings like this 


Though the standing position to Ps 
Isn't always exclusively Hs. 
When the ladies effect 

Micturition erect, 
They're, of course, исту likely to Ms. 


Effect could also be affect, which 
al 


would provide add 


A LIMERICK IS BORN 


lib bite, but affect 
would puzzle some 
readers, To do it 
had to be replaced 
in the fourth line 
to straighten out 
the metrics, and 
Туе used micturi- 
tion in preference 
to urination be- 
Cause its morc 
tasteful and has 
some 
humor appeal. 
wouldstump m: 
readers. though, 
and this might 
rule out its use. 
И affect were to 
be used—micturi- 
tion wouldn't work. 
with effect—we might making 
water instead. Or, if additional 
cuteness is desired, take your choice 
of doing peepee, going tinkle or 
making wee-wee. 

That way likewise had to be т 
placed in the fourth line for metrica 
since it's normally inflected 
as that way and not that 
final accented beat in the line 
quired, which erect supplies. Erect 
also carries a hazy connotation of 
penile erection even when used here 
in the basic body-posture sense, and 
that adds some subliminal spice. 

Alternatively, the third, fourth and 
fifth lines might read: 


When girls try it matching 
Their angle of snatching 

Means, of course, that they'll 
probably Ms. 


A problem here is that angle of 
snatching is obscure and does noi 
immediately convey the necessary 
image of urinating erect. This mi 
better be done i 
were to read: 


the problem couplet 


When ladies effect 
Self-relief while erect. . . . 


But all of these alternatives leave 
point one unaccounted for. If I were 
to presume to supply a more drastic 
revision of the limerick, I would lead 
oll with M; tablishing the ab- 
breviation g nd the rhyme 
pattern, with a result like this 


The gains now achieved by a Ms. 
Make her world more equal to Hs. 
But parity dangles 
By reason of angles— 
A Ms. lacks the standing to Ps. 


Standing is trisensed here, of course 


Well, we're trisensed, too. In fact, 
we're staggered. We feel we've mid- 
wiled at the birth of a limerick, and 
we offer it to the world with a rush 
of creativity surging in our breast 


from its moorings and sent it 35 feet into 
ag it into six pieces and 
knocking down a large oak tree nearby. 
Ready for anything, Clayton later ob- 
served: “It а mirade nobody was 
seriously injured.” 


ACTS AND 
ENTERTAINMENTS 


Sex counseling has finally found its 
logical setting—a swinging singles night 
spot on New York's Fast Side. Since Group 
Therapy (550 Third Avenue), an intimate 
bar-restaurant, substituted stand-up psy- 
chotherapists for comedians and jazz com- 
bos, business has boomed. And why not? 
It’s the only place in town where you can 
get a technical opinion about multiple 
orgasms or ejaculatory competence while 
having a drink and looking over the 
possibilities for an evening's compa 
Ship. "No one listens to more probl 
than a bartender or a night-club owner 
says ex-Playboy bartender and Group 
Therapy owner Jerry Lepson. So he de- 

led to professionalize the answers. Cur- 
rently, four cd therapists—three 
is (one female) and a 
woman psychiatrist who specializes in sex 
counseling—take turns at the microphone 
to moderate the rap sessions (once a night 
Wednesday and Thursday, twice nightly 
Friday and Saturday). Patrons are pro- 
vided with pencils and pads on which to 
write their questions. The night we were 
there, psychologist George Cohen (who 


ms 


has a private р d also teaches) 

the 50-min with. psychia- 
trist Merle Kroop (who is on the staff of 
а sex-counseling clinic). Their technique 


bined humor (Question: “How come 
friend doesn't have оқ 
How do you know—are you 
with her all the time”), serious discussion 
on such topics as primal scream therapy 
nd an attempt to open up the ques 
andanswer format to general discussion 
(Heres a question on whether pen. 
size is important . . . anyone want to 
say anything about that"). Since the 
crowd erally hip, many of them hav- 
ing logged numerous psychotherapeutic 
homs on the receiving end, somebody 
ly does have something to say. De- 
spite having to compete with hubbub, 
hecklers and heavy action at the bar, the 
therapists put on a bravura performance 
They don't answer highly personal que 
tions but are available after the show for 
private conversat lentally, none 
of the therapists ha ved any flak 
fom professional organizations or from 
their private patients, and the doctors 
feel that what they're doing may encour- 
age some people who need or want ther- 
ару to investigate it more seriously.) The 
nbience at Group Therapy is a mixture 
of old neighborhood tavern, early Freud 
and lots of corn. The walls are covered 
with phobia charts, Rorschach ink blots 
and quotes (“There are times when a 


gasms? 


DEXTER SHOE COMPANY 
31 ST. JAMES AVE. 
BOSTON. MASS. 02116 


BLOCKBUSTER 


$a, 


PLAYBOY 


26 


ar is just a cigar — Freud). Waitresses 
and bartenders wear buttons proclaiming 
themselves LAY ANALYSTS. The menu calls 
appetizers st Session.” and entrees 
that combine two dishes, i.c., chicken and 
ribs, are labeled “Schizophrenics.” АЈа- 
carte dinners, with entrees ranging from 
$3.95 to $5.95, offer substantial amounts 
of [ ble food; drinks are large; 
and there's а 55 minimum on Friday and 
Saturday nights, which covers [ood and 
drink. "The whole thing may signal a 
new trend in night-club entertainment. 
Many of the questions, Dr. Cohen feels, 
serve to convey messages between people 
who want to use the therapist as a trans- 
mitter of mating calls. As one young lady 
1, as she departed with her new-found 
friend, "Do you know of a bar where 
there's a good gynecologist playing?” 
Telephone: 212-689-9670. 


BOOKS 


Maybe you think you know all about 
. And all about cars. And sex and cars. 
And sex and cars and violence. Ha! In 
Crash (Farrar, Straus & Giroux), J. С. 
lard, hitherto known mainly for his 
sci-fi (you've read him in PLAvzov), lays 
into the whole syndrome like nothing 
you've even dreamed. Sct in London, this 
scenario for a nightmare begins when 
Ballard (he tells it first person) skids 
into a head-on collision at 60 miles per 
hour. The other driver hurtles through 
lis own windshield and dies spread-ca- 
gled on Ballard’s hood, The victim's wife 
is saved by her seat belt, and for what 
scems like hours, she and Ballard sit there 
“locked together face to face . . . the body 
of her dead husband lying between из.” 


He finds it all strangely erotic, and after 


recovering from their minor injuries, he 
nd the woman have a series of sexual en- 
counters in various cars (they can't make 
it in bed) that somehow "recapitulated 
her husband's death, resceding the image 


of his body in her..." Meanwhile, Bal- 
lard meets Vaughan, a crash-scarred е; 
scientist, now a kind of "accident bum’ 
for whom crash injuries "were the keys to 
a new sexuality born from a perverse 
technology.” The story develops with in- 
eluctable illogic, surrealist y" a 
mounting succession of hypnotic horrors 
circumstantially portrayed. Numerous 


aspects of this autocroticism are 
plored in explicit detail, ending when 
Vaughan, now completely mad, is hurled 
to his death as he tries to crash into Eli 
abeth Taylor's limo. This was to be his 
way of raping her. He had long fanta- 
sized “the marriage of her body with the 
stylized contours of the car's interior,” 
her wounds fusing together “her own 
sexuality and the hard technology of the 
automobile"—while he would die “at the 
moment of her orgasm.” Maybe it all 
sounds pretty wild—but what nightmare 
isn’t? Ballard can write, and though he 
frequendy overwrites, it’s hard not to get 
caught up in this verbal acid trip with 
its minatory vision of the sex-technology 
mystique. You may decide to trade in 
your car for a unicycle. 

From its tide alone, Bourbon Street Black 
(Oxford) would seem to be yet another 


book of legends about that place from 
which jazz came up the river. Actually, 
between 


however, this collaboration 

Danny Barker (a New Orleans—re: 
widely traveled musi 
Buerkle (a sociologist and former musi- 
т) is the freshest and most instructive 


semicommunity in 
ans, their relatives, 
peers, friends and general supporters 
whose style of life is built around the fun- 
mental assumption that the produc- 
tion and nurture of music for people, in 
general, is good.” Although the book 
staris far back in New Orleans’ past, its 
focus is on the present. Among its revela- 
tions is the fact that, contrary to what jazz. 
writers have long been proclaiming, vin- 
tage New Orleans jazz is not dying; there 
more than enough young black musi- 
cians in the city who fully intend to keep 
the tradition alive. There is hardly any as- 
pect of the New Orleans jazz musician's 
life and work that isn’t probed by Barker 
and Buerkle—attitudes about race and 
religion, the influential role of the local 
musicians’ union, the social history of the 
music and what it tells of the social his- 
tory of Creoles and darker blacks in New 
Orleans. The musicians’ voices at the core 
of this work make aficctingly clear the 
sense of privilege and communal joy that 


have always characterized the most com. 
mitted jazz makers. A book of equal sub- 
stance and quality of writing is Bruce 
Cook's Listen to the Blues (Scribner's), Cook, 
author of the admirably sensitive and 
timental The Beat Generation, is а 
p: nate but thoughtful partisan of the 
blues, which he considers to be the fun- 
damental American music. He blends 
tory, sociology end, most importantly, 
the life stories and perspectives of blues 
men from diverse parts of the country to 
aflirm his thesis that the blues is a living 
heritage whose influence is only glancingly 
understood by most Americans, induding 
purported specialists. Cook's research 
took him to Texas, Tennessee, the Missi 
sippi Delta, Virginia, Louisiana and his 
native Chicago. There are astutely con. 
cise profiles of such blues bards as Rob- 
ert Pete Williams, Fred McDowell and 
Mance Lipscomb, as well as unusually 
lucid and largely accurate analyses of the 
impact of black blues on white country 
and rock musicians, along with nearly 
every other strain of current popular 
music. In the best sense of the word, Lis- 
ten to the Blues is a “popular” book, for 
it warmly communicates the author's 
knowledge and appreciation of the value 
of the blues to those who create it and 
who have been touched by it. 

The Honorary Consul (Simon & Schuster) 
represents a return to Graham Greene- 
land, that grim country of whiskey priests 
and wispy passions, Here in a backwater 
Argentinian river-border province are all 
the familiar played-out characters 
bored Anglo-Paraguayan doctor, an aging 
alcoholic British demiconsul, a ludicrous 
machismo-espousing Argentinian novel- 
ist, a 20-year-old Mona Lisa ex-whore, a 
connubial former cleric and his blunder- 
ing band of rebels, The consul marries 
the whore; the doctor has an affair with 
her; the cleric and his crew, mistaking 
the consul for the American Ambassador, 
kidnap him; and the doctor is drawn 
into the middle of the whole muddle. 
The wonder of it all, as always, is how 
marvelously Greene moves events along 
toward his theologically appointed show- 
down: Though even with God there isn’t 
very much, without God there is nothing. 
Greene, certainly the best living British 
novelist, writes with consummate polish. 
Verbal plums abound; penetrating in- 
ights adorn almost every page; and a rare 
sense of humor is present throughout. 
Greene's solitary sin, his Catholic tenden- 
isness, is never venal. “To appreciate 
Borges properly,” muses the doctor, “he 
had to be taken, like a cheese biscuit, with 
an aperiti Graham Greene goes better 
with an after-dinner cognac and coffee 
offering fictional delights, comic and 
cosmic, best savored with a gathering 
sense of ever darkening night. It's a boun- 
tiful season for Greene fanciers. His 


a 


| Race Car Offer Mail this coupon with one Viceroy carton end 
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EROY 


МАС 


PLAYBOY 


newly published Collected Stories (Viking) 
contains 40 entries, taken mostly from 
other volumes. Though they vary con- 
siderably in quality, none is less than 
thoroughly professional. 


Among the casualtics of Watergate, 
there is poor Theodore H, White. Ever 
since Kennedy vs, Nixon in 1960, he hz 
been covering Presidential elections in 
close detail. He started to do the same 
thing with last year’s clection, although 
t seem to be as much promise 
the raw material. After all, Nixon 
n't run i 
all of the major events in the McGovern 
Gimp were covered almost 10 excess— 
even the Eagleton episode. Nevertheless, 
White went ahead and was just about 
ready to publish The Making of the Presi- 
dent 1972 (Atheneum) when it was d 
covered that a lot of that making had to 
do with a criminal conspiracy. White 
tried to recover: He added a Watergate 
chapter, sprinkled some earlicr references 
d argued that Nixon would probably 
have won anyway. Maybe so, but tha 
doesn't help the book a whole lot. Well, 
three out of four ain't bad. 

Key West is the end of the line: south- 
ernmost point of the United States, a 
haven for pirates and artists of varying 
stripes and skills and, as such, a perfect 
setting for Thomas McGuane’s third 
Ninety-Two in the Shade (Farrar, 
Straus & Giroux), As in The Sporting 
Club and The Bushwhacked Piano, 
McGuane’s earlier books, something is 
terribly out of joint here: People do inex- 
plicable thin imes harmless and 
merely а and 
deadly, and always without being quite 
sure why. The central character of Ninety- 
Two, Thomas Skelton, has returned to 
Key West determined, alter vague failures 
n greater America, to become a guide 
for fishermen in pursuit of permit and 
bonefish on the tidal flats. He becomes 
victim of an elaborate practical joke 
played by Nichol Dance, supreme guide 
of the Keys and a elton admires 
for his instinctive, nearly aesthetic ap- 
proach to the craft. In revenge, Skelton 
burns Dance's boat to the water line. 
Dance, who has already killed one man 
back when he tended bar in the Mid- 
west, tells Skelton he will never allow 
him to guide. Skelton promises that he 
and the stage for a ritual American 
act, the showdown, is set. Along the way, 
McGuane introduces coholic sei 
geant who runs the winos in a fleabag 
hotel through morning sessions of dose 
order drill; a former drum majorette who 
is deeply into buying things on time and 
remembers the days when she had a 
whole stadium full of men right by the 
acher who wins a free 
ing first— 


novel, 


some 


sometimes violent 


hands down—in a pic-cating contest. 
And McGuane writes about all of this 
in his own unique idiom: “These were 
heavy thoughts and Skelton sat down. He 
new that the word ‘serious’ does not 
derive from the word ‘cereal.’ He had a 
feeling that on the Plains of America 
everyone was named Don and Stacy. He 
knew that spiritual mir m frequent- 
ly lay waiting in the foothills where a 
ranch was exchanged for a golf course; 
and that the Spalding Dot, the Maxfli, 
and the Acushnet soared over the bones 
of dead warriors. So if he were driven 
from Key West, he knew the Plains were 
е he'd go.” McGuane knows 


this fraction of the 20th Century. He 
is one of our most promising young novel- 
ists and this is his best book yet. 

Marilyn (Grosset & Dunlap) is Norman 
Mailer's biographical novel of Marilyn 
Monroe. (The categories grow more and 
more complex—Mailer himself has dis- 
covered factoids, "facts which have no 
existence before appeari 


or newspaper, creations which are not so 
much 1 a product to manipulate 
emotion”) It was to be a 25,000-word 
introduction to a collection of Monroe 
photographs but grew into a 90,000-word 
frontpage event complete with 
Some of it is lovely, some of it is com- 
pelling, some of it is pure gossip, lots of 
it is boring old biography and all of it 
costs 520 and makes you wish that some- 
day Mailer would go back to writing pure 
novels and produce that titanic book he 
has been promising for so long. 

“Those students are going to have to 
find out what law and order is all about,” 
Brigadier General Robert. Canterbury 
said during the demonstrations at. Kent 
ate University in May 1970. Four stu 


'wsuits. 


book called The Truth About Ken! State 
(Farrar, Staus & lly 
The Murders at Kent State but changed to 


avoid a libel suit—Peter Davies has assem- 
bled crucial facts and pleads for indict- 
ments of wrongdoers. Although former 
Attorney General John Mitchell conced- 
ed that the killin; were unnecessary, 
unwarranted and inexcusable,” ni 
he nor his successor, Richard Kleindienst, 
brought the killers to justice. (The latest 
Attorney General, acknowledging “the 
sleazy atmosphere" at the Justice Depart. 
ment, has promised to reopen the case.) 
Davies, in eloquently controlled ange 
has put together an indictment that 
should have been made a long time ago. 
The Justice Department concluded that 
the G Imen were not surrounded 
when they began shooting (the students 
were at least 900 feet away); the Guards- 
men still had tear gas; only a few were 
injured (just one needed medical help): 
and по student posed a threat to them 
(witnesses say that no more than 15 stu- 
dents were throwing rocks—and from 
quite a distance). After examining nu- 
merous photograplis, dozens of which are 
reprinted here, and talking to hundreds 
ol witnesses, Davies writes that “It is shat- 
teringly obvious that the danger to the 
lives of the Guardsmen was absolutely 
minimal.” Then why the killings? An 
event utes before the shootings 

icion, Troop G, gathering on 
the practice field to plot strategy, sudden 
ly turned around and commenced firing. 
“In other words,” Davies writes, “we are 
left the clear possibility that a decision 
was reached among these men to shoot at 
the students.” Some Guardsmen have ad 
mitted that the group agreed to shoot af 
random. The victims, after all, were stu 
dents—and everyone knows where the 
on Adminisuation stood on that 
subject. 


m critic Hollis Alpert knows that 
movies are a "business with a complex set 
of operating rules." And rarely have the 
been limned better than in his new novel, 
Smosh (Dial). It teems with an insider's 
insights into how Hollywood deals are 
consummated and pictures are made. 
One character, for example, “figured out 
that there were four main things that 
counted here: money. power, status and 
be I've got the order wrong, but 
we used to rate people on a scale from 
one to ten. Let's say, six for money, four 
Tor power, and so on. Then we added up 
the point toral. Twenty-five points was 
big stuff.” On such a scale, Alpert's char- 
acters themselves rate high, abounding 
with all the necessary elements. His anti 
hero and antiheroine might seem to 
some not unlike Robert Evans and. Ali 
MacG er, a teacher 
of French literature working on a book 
about Camus, could be confused with an 
Erich Segal. For the plot of Smash is a fic- 
tional account, from script to grosses, of a 
way success such as Love 

nvolved are the usual hardheaded 


tory 


The Hatchback of Notre Dame. 


There's a new face on campus this immediately viable solution to our traffic 
year. The Honda Civic” From UCLA problems and does this with comfort, 
to NYU, more and more Hondas have been performance, economy and a low price. For 
squeezing into parking places. center city commuters, the Honda Civic is 

* Why? Well for openers, the Civic the car of the future. And it's here now? 

Hatchback costs only $2250* and gets up Test drive it yourself. 
to 30 miles to a gallon. Pretty nice And find out why we believe that new 
economics. face on campus will soon become a very 

But economy is only half the story. familiar sight. 


The Civic performance is even more 


remarkable. ee 

In comparing the Civic against other The New Honda Civic 
economy cars, April Road Test magazine It will get you where you're going. 
found that its 0-60 mph accele- : E 
ration was bested only by 
the Mazda RX-3 (which lists at 
about a thousand dollars more). 

And March Car and Driver 
magazine reported: Its accele- 
ration is not only better than 
that of VW's and other small 
displacement competitors like 
the Toyota Corolla 1200, but it 
also exceeds that of the stand- 
ard engine Pinto as well. And 
with a top speed of 88 mph, the Ё 
Civic is no sitting duck on the 
freeway either” 

Road Test summed it up 
pretty well when they said: 

“Clearly, the automobile has it 

all; it provides the most 


"Suggested retail ($2150 for 2 Or Sedan). California add about $13. Dealer preparation, transportation, tax and license extra ©1973 Amencan Honda Motor Co Inc. 


PLAYBOY 


30 


Brylcreem shows you how to 
Without growing it. 


Maybe you dont want to cut your long hair. Or grow 
your short hair. You just want to look different. You can— if. 
youre willing to spend a little time. Here's what you'll need: 

Your hair, shampooed and towel-dried until damp. 

A hair brush. 

A comb. 

If you have one, a blow-dryer or hot-comb is 
important for three of these styles. But you must use it 
properly. Always brush hair up and away from your scalp 
and dry it from underneath. Pull hard to get rid of curly 
tendencies. (If your hair is a bit too straight, small, circular 
movements with your brush and dryer can give it more 
life.) Longer hair should be dried with steady, continuous 
movements. 

Just one word of warning about blow-dryers and hot- 
combs: they dry out hair. We believe it is vital to use a 
conditioner on hair that is hot-air dried in order to keep it 
healthy looking as well as styled. 

If you don't have a hot-air dryer, don't run out and buy 


one. Three ofthese styles work perfectly well without one. 


SHORTER HAIR 
1. Short 

This is how youd like your hair to look. But it wont. 
Because it isnt thick enough or long enough. 

Blow-dry your hair up and away from your head for a 
chunky feeling. Now it looks like it just grew an extra inch 
in length. And doubledin thickness. 

Lift your hair all over except one place—your 
neckline. If you keep your hair close here, even flip it out, 
itlooks longer. 

When you comb, make a short part. Comb your hair 
in the direction it grows. (Across the forehead and down 
overthe ears for most quys.) 

Since blow-drying dries out your hair, prevent this by 
using a little Brylcreem Hairdressing before you begin. It 
helps shorter hair in lots of ways. Its conditioners put 


back the moisture hot-air drying removes, giving your 
hair a healthy looking, natural sheen. Brylcreem also 
makes your hair more manageable, so it does exactly 
what its supposed to. 

2. No part 

Maybe you've had enough of parting your hair—and 
seeing your forehead —to last you a lifetime. (Or at least 
the next few months.) If so, try this. 

Massage Brylcreerris new Dry Style into your hair. 
Then comb top hair from the crown of your head 
towards your forehead, side hair down to your ears and 
forward to the temples, back hair down and under around 
your neck. 

Now you can leave your hair as is, or comb again for 
an even fuller look. (But remember, no part.) Dry Style 
is like hair spray in a bottle, controlling your hair naturally. 
and invisibly. 

3.Opposite part 

You prefer your hair parted, but just want something 
different. Hows this? It works without a hot-air dryer, too. 

First, massage a little Brylcreem Hairdressing into 
your damp hair, for body and manegeability. 

Then, part your hair high, on the side opposite to its 
“normal” part. Grooming away from the growth pattern 
will temporarily straighten out waves and will also help 
give the height this style requires on top. 

Brush hair up andback on top, straight down and flat 
to the head on the sides. Flip up the hair at the nape of 


your neck. 
Let it dry just as itis. 
LONGER HAIR 
1. Side part 


Heres how to get your hair looking its best if you 
want a side part. 

Brush and dry your hair in one smooth motion, 
turning the ends under. This makes it look shorter. (Maybe 
you can get by without a haircut for a few more weeks.) 


change the way your hair looks. 
Without cutting it. 


Side hair is groomed under and towards your cheek. 
Top hair goes to the side, then back away from your face. 

If your hair has a mind of its own, use a spray of 
Brylcreem Soft Hair Dry Spray with Protein before you 
start blow-drying. It does two important things for longer 
hair: conditions and controls. Spray it on, then massage it 
into your hair and scalp. The protein penetrates your hair 
shafts, helping to protect your hair from the parching 
effect of blow-drying. And the styling control of Soft Hair 
will help you get your hair going where you want it. And 
keep it there. 

2.No part 

If you cant be bothered with blow-drying or youd like 
to look more mature, try this. 

Spray your towel-dried hair with Soft Hair Dry Spray 
with Protein andmassage it in. This puts styling contro! 
where you need it: down deep in your hair. 

Then, with your brush, groom all your hair straight 
back against your head. You've got a forehead again. 
Earlobes, too. Flip the hair at your neck out and up. 

Use the brush at the crown to lift your hair and turn it 
under. This gives a little extra height where you may need it. 

Another spritz of Soft Hair where your natural part 
may betrying to appear will help prevent it 
from doing so. 


LZ > 
3. Center part E 

The last time you parted your hair on Я 
the side it either fell in your food or made x: 
you look lopsided. Try a center part instead. 

With your hot-comb or blow-dryer, turn your hair 
forward and under on either side of the part. Starting 
from the part, your hair should go away from your fore- 
head, towards your cheek and back to your ear. An 
Ssshape. This makes your hair flip out at the bottom. 

From the end of the part down the back of your head, 
all hair goes up and under, for fullness. At the very bottom 
make the ends flip by turning them up. 


And dont forget Soft Hair Dry Spray with Protein. Its 
conditioners will counteract the drying effects of a hot- 
comb or blow-dryer. And itll control your hair while 
keeping it healthy-looking. 

After all, if your hair is dull and dried out, all the 
styling in the world won't help the way you look. That's 
why, no matter what style you decide on, we've gota 
product that will help you. 


Weve come a long way 
since“a little dab will do ya? 


PLAYBOY 


32 


lay starlet, the fair- 
aghter of а first film family and 

alcoholic homosexual star. 
п Alpert keeps his story 
moving along with an airy deftness— 
from the moorings of Marina del Rey to 
the projection rooms of Beverly Hills— 
in a mood and tone that well befits his 
subject. 


an 


aging 
PLAYBOY veter 


Michael Arlen's two previous books 
have been a collection of his nonparcil 
TV reviews for The New Yorker (Living- 
Room War) and a resonant family mem- 
oir (Exiles). His third book, An American 
Verdict (Doubleday), is a low-keyed ac 
count of the mugging of justice in the 
case of the Chicago police murder of 
Black Panther Party members Fred 
Hampton and Mark Clark in December 
9, during a raid in which four other 
ers were wounded. The events, 
from the initial “shootout” through the 
subsequent conspiracy by law-enforce- 
nt officials to fabricate evidence that 
would prove the homicides “justified,” are 
familiar to newspaper readers. Arlen has 
no new information, but, considering 
how swiftly even the most horrific topical 
events blur in memory, his careful sum- 
tion of each stage ol this egregious act 
of official lawlessness is valuable. By May 
1970, an FBI report had destroyed the 
Chicago police tale of a ferocious fire 
fight that necessitated the КЇЇ of 
Hampton and Clark self-defense. 
(“There was physical evidence of be- 
tween 83 and 99 shots having been fired 
into the apartment by the raiders, and of 
only one having been fired by any of the 
ither.") Yet, alihough state's attor- 
ney Edward Hanrahan and other lawmen 
involved in the x; d its cover-up were 
indicted. all were ultimately acquitted. 
Arlen fills out the chronology of An 
American Verdict with quick sketi 
of the social topography of Mayor Daley's 
Chicago as well as illuminating scc- 
tions on street gangs, the quickness of the 
media to accept police versions of events 
as the “objective” story, and the symbiosis 
of political and ccon nterests that 
make Chicago work. Duly noted is the 
fact that Hanrahan was defeated last 
E in his re-clection campaign for Cook 
County state's attorney. The black wards, 
long controlled by the Daley organiza- 
ered for the rest of the ticket. 
But not for Hanrah: , 100, Was an 
American yerdict, 


The running argument between basc- 
ball and football as to which is truly our 
national sport may be beside the point 
^ glance at the fall publishing lists indi 

that Americrs current national 
sport is reading about sports—from his- 
tory to gossip, from how-to handbooks to 
lev-ivall- hang-out life stories of star per- 
formers. Towering (literally if not liter- 
arily) over the crop is Wit (Macmillan), 
the autobiography of Wilt Chamberlain, 


pe 
E all time. The book was ce 
Los Angeles newsman David Shaw, but it 
is far from a glossy ghost job: In some 
Ways, it is as powerlul as the dunk shots 
the 7/1” Chamberlain slams through 
the hoop; in others, it is as spotty as his 
foul shooting. What the book has goi 
for it (besides any fan's normal 

п who describes himself as “just like 
any other seven-foor black millionaire”) is 
a roughhewn honesty. From his early days 
as high school star in Philadelphia to his 
present eminence, Wilt has been neither 
an Uncle Tom nor a Black Panther. 
Mostly, he has been himself—egocentric, 
onated, filled with gusto lor all of 
life's goodies. from $100,000 contracts to 
his multimillion-dollar home, from high- 
performance cars to high-performance 
women (without regard to race, color or 
national origin). Wilt pulls no punches 
in his evaluation of either the on-court 
skills or the off-court. personalities of the 
men (Bill Russell, Elgin Baylor, Jerry 
West, Bill Sharman, Karcem Jabbar) he 
has played for, with or against. He is simi 
larly frank about the girls who are 
trigued by the possibilities of his size, by 
the fans who think he owes them some- 
thing, and even about his political ad- 
ventures with Nixon. The book is a joy- 
ful ego trip although Chamberlain's ego 
becomes a bit overbearing when he at- 
tempts to rebut the "loser" tag (hung on 
him because his te: dency 
to blow championships in the deciding 
game) by continually pointing out how 
many points he scored and exactly who 
missed the easy lay-up that would have 
won the title, Another self-proclaimed 


ns had a te 


m—this time in the broadcasting 
booth rather than on the playing field 
is Howard Cosell, whose autobiog, 


phy bears the simple but majestic title 
Cosell (Playboy Press). The book fasci 
nates not only for its behind-thescenes 
explorations of sports and TV perso 
ties but also for the insight it yields into 
the complex, sentimental, self-righteous 
personality of Cosell himself. A lawyei 
who gave up a lucrative practice for the 
chance to do a nickelanddime radio 
sporis show, Cosell ins the crusad 
ing attorney even while he has become 
the most controversial of broadcaster 
Woven into the anecdote-packed stories 
of his coverage of such events as two 
Olympiads, Muhammad Ali's rise and fall 
and the painful birth of Monday Night 
Football are enough pronouncements 
about athletes, TV executives, sportswrit- 
ers and sports fans to fuel a dozen hot- 
stove leagues. Cosell is not without 
blind spots: He decries the seriousnes: 
with which sports figures take every tiny 
detail of their small worlds, without seem- 
ing to recognize that he has built his 
carcer around these worlds. Sports colum- 
nist Larry Merchant is in the same line as 
Cosell, but his book, The Netionel Foorbell 


Lomery (Holt, Rinchare & Winston), is 
written from the vantage point of a fan 
who bets. Merchant decided to join the 
15,000,000 Americans who lay heavy 
bread on pro football—and to keep a 
weekly diary of how he did, from opening 
day kickoff to Super Bowl Sunday. In the 
course of his financial ups and down 
he opens up the world where bookies, 
tipsters, bigtime bettors and поі 
players gear their lives to such things as 
the “early line" and the “outlaw linc," 
Roman Gabriel's sore arm and the 
weather in Cincinnati. At first, Mer- 
chants play-by-play of his bet-by-bet is 
intriguing. But soon he is defeated by his 
own formula: a weck-by-week rundown 
of odds, point spreads, bets made, can- 
celed and hedged; of team strengths, 
weaknesses and records. By the time the 
season reaches its [4th weck, and Me 
chant his Mth chapter, its all pretty 
boring. Still, in case you're interested, 
Merchant wound up the season sub- 
stantially ahead. 


Also noteworthy: 
abominable Flishm: 
nemesis at Rugby, is 
George MacDonald er’s Flashman at 
the Charge (Knopf) As readers of 
PLAYBOY'S prepublication serialization of 
the book already know, this estimable se 
quel finds our bounder-hero in the Cri- 
where he survives the charge of the 
t Brigade and gocs on to save India. 


The engagingly 


DINING-DRINKING 


Aside from experiencing the piquant 

of molten rubber mingling with. 
the scent of burning leaves, there's an- 
other reason for visiting Akron, Ohio, 
this fall. It's to eat and drink at The Wine 
Merchant (1680 Merriman Road), an oe- 


haven where wine with your 
a must—nor only because the cel 
lar is so impressive but also because the 
bearded, rotund owner, John Pisearzi, 
staunchly refuses to stock hard liquor. 
The fact that this pleasant little res 

тати, which seats only 75, has prospered 


ы 

Tumwater Firemen spend most of their 
time making beer. famous natural artesian brewing water. In fact 

it was one of the fellows from the brewery who 

Give these fellows some good malting came up with the official motto of the 
barley, some choice hops and alot of Tumwater Fire Department. 
time, and they know just what todo ™ You guessed it. 
with them. Because they all work iz 
oe 


at the Olympia Brewery, here in 
Tumwater, Washington. 

The local Fire Department 
is strictly a volunteer thing— 
although it seems only natural 
that the fellows would volunteer 
for something that involves 
water. After all, we spend y4 
most of our time working 
with water: Olympias ت‎ 


Somewhere on the road to a perfect steel belted radial, 
most tire companies took a wrong turn. 


"They started out to build the perfect tire. 
A tire made with steel. 

One so strong, it could drive over nails, 
spikes and axe blades, and keep on going. 

For 40,000 miles. 

And by the time they were finished, their 
tough, indestructible steel belted radials were about as 
quiet and soft-riding as a locomotive. 

"That's because most tire companies forgot 
one thing: steel isn't exactly flexible. 

And unless it’s made flexible, no steel 
belted radial can give you good handling or a quiet 
comfortable ride. 

At Pirelli, we never forgot this while 
developing our steel belted radial. 

The Cinturato CN-75. 

The CN-75 is guaranteed for 40,000 miles, 
and can take at least as much punishment as any other 
steel belted radial. 

The difference is, the CN-75 also rides 
smoothly and quietly. 


Because of the way it’s engineered. 


alignment or with defective shocks, brakes or similar defect. Pirelli Cinturato CN75 tires are also guara n 4 
FCR THE PIRELLI DEALER NEAREST VOU, їн THE U.S. AND CANADA, SEE THE YELLOW PAGES. PIRELLI TIRE CORPORATION, 600 THIRD AVE... NEW YORK, N.Y. 2001 


Credit or refund based on tread depth remaining. 


The CN-75 is built with a new kind of steel 
cord called “Trac-Steel 21" Comprised of more 
individual strands than any other tire uses. 

And the more strands used ina cord, the 
more flexible the steel. 

The result is a tire that gives you all the 
strength, protection, and mileage of steel without 
sacrificing a quiet comfortable ride. 

In addition, every single CN-75 is com: 
pletely X-ray inspected. 

Because if even the slightest thing is wrong 
with a steel belted radial, the effect it could have 
on your car will be more than slight. 

Most steel belted radials will give you the 
strength and protection of steel. 

But the kind of ride you get depends on 
which steel belted radial you buy. 


паз 


All the advant ofa steel belted radial 
without the disadvantages. 


inst defects in workmanship and materials ai 


despite such a self-imposed handicap is 
testimony to both its extensive wine list 
(which. features over 400 selections) and 
the quality of its cuisine. Piscazzi's menu 
has an international flavor. Wi 
momma, Lucia, he whips up such d 
Ges 4 Carciofi di Aragorin (stuffed 
baked artichoke hearts cooked with 
chunks of lobster in a creamed Soave 
wine sauce) and Sole Florentine (fillet of 
sole covering a spinach soufflé, topped 
with а cream wine sauce). The sole, like 
all the other fish, is flown in fresh daily. 
Aside from about a dozen other entrees 
listed, there are two to food spe- 
dals. which change according to what 
fresh fish i ble. Or, if you're lucky, 
you may arrive on a day when The Wine 
Merchant. is featuring Steak Nomtanka, 
cooked with German, Oriental, French 
and oyster mushrooms—the latter freshly 
picked in nearby fields only in the spring 
and fall. It's a delightful dish, especially 
when sampled with a little-known Bor- 
deaux—Ci at $15. АП 
dinners at The Wine Merchant are served 
with soup, rice or ble and salad. 
The first course andsome por- 
tion of onion soup, prepared way 
that would warm the heart of a Breton 
chef, or a wedding soup—tiny veal meat 
balls in broth. For those with mi 
appetites, several imaginative sandwiches 
are also offered, including thick broiled 
bacon with melted cheese on Arab bread. 
breaded veal steak smothered in a sauce 
of wine and mushrooms on a toasted bun 
and broiled Italian homemade sausages 
on Arab bı th the exception of the 
Middle Eastern variety, which Piscazzi 
says comes from the same source that pro 
vides for the Lebanese embassy in Wash- 
ington, D.C., all the bread is baked on 
the premises. It would seem that the more 
fare the Piscazzis can prepare themselves, 
the better they—and their customers— 
seem to like it. The Wine Merchant is 
open from 
through S 
Bank Americard are accepted and reserva- 
tions are strongly recommended (216.861 
6222). 


MOVIES 


Ingmar Bergman's favorite cincmatog- 
rapher, Sven Nykvist, lets his consider- 
able gilts carry him to the threshold of 
nirvana in Siddherthe, based on the mod- 
em classic by Hermann Hesse, whose 
books have been atuacting hordes of 
young readers for more than a decade. 
Nykvist’s dreamy images may give them 
just what they want—the beauty and 
tranquillity of ancient India, a sense of 
order, melting sunsets and incredibly 
pretty people in scarch of a spiritual idea. 
Two of India's top stars, Shashi Kapoor 
in the title role and Simi Garewal as the 
courtesan who teaches him the ridiness 


Gillette Techmatic® razor 

with sample adjustable band cartridge. 
Trial size Gillette Foamy Face Saver® shave cream. 
Three Good-Bye Nick posters. 


First a Gillette Techmatic® razor and a cartridge with 
two shaving edges. The Techmatic razor's continuous razor band 
means there are no blades with sharp corners that can cut and 
nick your face. When you're ready for a new edge, all you do is 
turn the lever. And the cartridge 
is adjustable to any of 
five settings so you get 
a shave that's just right 
for your skin and beard. 

Andasa plus, try 
Techmatic with Foamy 
Face Saver? shave 
cream. Face Saver's 
thick rich foam contains 
an extra-high concen- 
tration of natural lubri- 
cants — lubricants that 
help Techmatic glide 
over your face for even 
greater comfort and 
smoothness. Gillette 
Techmatic and Face 
Saver, together for a 
great shave. 

And together 
with three different 
24" x 13” Good- 
Bye Nick post- 
ers, in great 
colors . . . they 
make a great kit. 


Mourea dieere the н 


paransi нр 


Send $1.00 to: 
Good-Bye Nick Kit Offer 
Р.О. Box 9374 
St. Paul, Minnesota 55193 


Neme_ 


Address 


ciy — —— State. Zip. 


Oller Expires March 31,1974 
Please Allow 4-6 weeks for delivery 


: With Gillette TECHMATIC its Good-bye Nick. 


Tataas 


33 


PLAYBOY 


34 


of sensual pleasure, are the chief orna- 
ments of this deceptively simple tale 
about a young Brahman who tells his fa- 
ther, “I want to be free . . . I want to be 
wild.” Siddhartha then walks away from 
his religious teachers to find wisdom and 
the meaning of life through firsthand ex- 
perience as a wandering sadhu, or holy 
man; as a wealthy rice merchant; finally, 
as a ferryman on a riverboat, where he 


attains peace in his old age. The ever- 
changing river, of course, is a metaphor 
for life itself; and Siddhartha’s discovery 


that life is very simple, after all, holds 
irresistible appeal. Nykvist photographed 
iddhartha ou the estates of the maha 
raja of Bharatpur and near the holy city 
of Rishikesh (where the Beatles did th 
meditating not so many years ago). His 
camerawork is as restful as a stroll beside 
the sea hand hand with a loved one, 
and such pastoral imagery matches the 
general level of perception achieved by 
adapter-producer-director Conrad Rooks, 
a 37-year-old independent film maker 
whose first and only previous feature was 
Chappaqua—a seldom shown but stri 
ingly personal hallucination drawn from 
his experience with drugs. In Siddhartha, 
Rooks seems mainly a deadly earnest il- 
lustrator paying а Гапу homage to Hesse. 


The dilemma of modern young mar- 
rieds, itchy to swing but secretly scared of 
it, was pretty well covered several seasons 
ago in Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice. The 
subject reaches the same anticlimactic 
cop-out in 1 Could Never Have Sex with Any 
Мап Who Has So tittle Regard for My Husband, 
directed by Robert McCarty and adapted 


by Dan Greenburg (from a Greenburg 
original titled Chewsday: A Sex Novel). 
Carmine Caridi, Andrew Duncan, Cyn- 


thia Harris and Lynne Lipton are paired 
off as two couples sharing a summer 
house at Martha's Vineyard, where they 
play adult versions of kid games, such as 
strip hideand-seck, and try to get their 
nerve up for a bit of marital switcheroo. 
Instead, they just get on one another's 
nerves, though they do scatter a few of 
Greenburg’s comic pearls along the way 
A husband hearing his wife remark that 
their sex life might lack variety, inno- 
у queries, “You don't like our posi- 
whilst the wife confesses she’s had 
ms co-starring Warren Beatty, 
“but we t go all the way." Best mo- 
ment in J Could Never Have Sex is the 
finale, when the four fraidy-cats hide be- 
hind the door to avoid an unexpected 
visit from a really swinging couple called 
the DeVrooms. Too bad they go away. 
This picture could have used a couple of 
DeVroc as antidote for an overdose of 
coy titillation. 


The career of automobile racing driver 
Junior Johnson—now in his 40s and re- 
tired from active competition on the 
ar circuit—is freely but vibrantly 
The Last American Hero. 


Adapted by William Roberts from Tom 
Wolfe's whizbang prose in an Esquire 
article about Junior, the movie calls him 
Junior Jackson and takes a sympathetic 
approach to this “wild-assed_ mounta 
boy” who is determined to remain a 
loner, to burn up the track without 
selling himself body and soul to the 
© ment manipulators whose spon- 
sored, factory-buil cars dominate the 
racing world. How Junior wins his tro- 
phics at the expense of his impossible 
dreams about freedom and rugged inde- 
pendence is Hero's underlying theme 
which hardly amounts to a starting 
new perception of the American expo 
ence. But director Lamont Johnson has а 
lot going for him in addition to lively 
footage of demolition derbies and stock 
races. Jeff Bridges as Junior was never 
better at giving his down-home shtick a 
sense of inner-directed urgency and con- 
viction, and he sets the pace for earthy 
performances by Geraldine Fitzgerald 
and Art Lund (with Lund especially 
right ay Junior's dad, a stubborn moun- 
tain man dedicated to making top-grade 
moonshine). Another noteworthy figure 
n the supporting cast is built for-speed 
Valerie Perrine as a wack follower who 
calls herself "a Georgia peach-pit," 
amiable girl with very low resistance to 
winners. Junior's disappointment in love 
is part of his evolution from hillbilly 
rebel to superpro, and Last American 
Hero salutes him in a pop saga phrased 
with rough vernacular authenticity. It's 
no easy feat to project the innate class 
of a hero whose idea of a smart retort is, 
‘I you had gas for brains, you couldn't 
back a piss-ant out of a pea shell.” 
Eddie Egan, the rugged former New 
York City detective whose reallife ex- 
ploits as а crime fighter gave impetus to 
The French Connection, is at it again 
a less smashing sequel called Badge 373. 
Once more, Egan himself plays a pivotal 
role as the police lieutenant who docs all 
he can to curb the unorthodox methods 
of Detective Ryan (read Egan) when 
Ryan sets out to avenge the murder of a 
fellow officer. Taking the part ori 
ed by Gene Hackman, Robert Du 
equally brutal, determined and convine 
ing. He is also an unabashed rac 
quick to call a Spanish-speaking culprit a 
spick as to dismiss one of his 1 
ment colleagues as “a little Jew prick. 
Pending investigation of charges that he 
pushed a dope pusher off a roof in Span- 
ish Harlem, Ryan indulges his own thirst 
for vengeance with practically no time 
out for hearts and flowers; a brief call on 
his dead chum's embittered widow (Tina 
Cristiani, featured in our July issue) 
and а few hours in bed with his fa- 
vorite barmaid (Verna Bloom, putting 
true grit into another thankles role) 
the only indications that our hero may be 
subject to recognizable human feelings. 
The dirty work he uncovers has to do 


an 


with smuggling arms to guerrillas intent 
on the liberation of Puerto Rico. Pr 
ducer-lirector Howard W. Koch handles 
every outbreak of violence competent- 
ly—but without sufficient razzle-dazzle to 
conceal the weaknesses of a sleazy script 
by columnist Pete Ham 


ng baggy suits and the 
broad-brimmed hats of 1931 swagger 
through Pete, Pearl & The Pole, made in 
Italy but said to take place in Farming- 
ton, West Virginia, where the piazzas 
were presumably frequented by big-time 
racketcers. In fact, the movie doesn't look 
as wrong as one might expect, though it 
often sounds like a prep-school parody of 
Little Gaesar or Scarface. “You're a 
bitch," says the Pole (Adolfo Celi) to 
Pearl (Lucretia Love). “Well, us bitches 
got rights, too,” his moll retorts. Pearl has 
just got back after being kidnaped and 
held for ransom by the Pole's rival, Pete, 
who drives a vintage touring car with a 
crank-wound Victrola on the seat beside 
him (his taste runs to You Made Me Love 
You and Sweet Georgia Brown). Tony 
Anthony, who rose to eminence in Italy's 
spaghetti Westerns, plays Pete as if he 
were determined to stay a good 20 leagues 
behind Clint Eastwood. To put it blunt- 
ly, Anthony cannot act at all; his effort 
here might move even Clint to a guffaw. 


Chubby Checker shouts, "Lets twist 
again!" and the sound of the Fifties 
comes back loud and clear. At this point 
in our social history, when almost any by- 
gone сга can be packaged and sold as an 
age of relative innocence, Let the Good 
Times Roll obviously fills a need. Staged 
in the spring of 1972 for the express pur- 
pose of being filmed, two rock-n-roll re- 
vival concerts (the first in Detroit, the 


second in New York) brought together 
such Fifties favorites as Chuck Berry, 
ile Richard, the Shirelles, The Fi 


Satins, Bo Diddley, Bill Haley and the 
Comets, and more, Even a moviegoer for 
whom the names strike no spark of гес 
nition should find Good Times an exl 
arating time trip. Its concert footage is 
shrewdly edited and often combined, on 
a split screen, with other samples of 
Fifties memorabilia. There are flying sau- 
cers, Charles Van Doren and the qı 
show scandals, early Nixon political 
speeches, plus TV interviews with carnest 
public officials decrying the pernicious 
moral degeneracy of rock rhythms. The 
filmed concert is an overworked format, 
but this giddy musicale has much more 
rly rock to recommend it 
nt in the history of the Ame 
youth movement. 


sa 


Sean Connery's latest replaces 
007, in tive and let Die (pictorially pri 
viewed in our July 
Moore, beuer known 


SONY AND MATRIMONY. 


Theres blues on Јоапуѕ Sony. 

Theres Vida Blue on Tonys Sony. 

Thanks to the pillow speakers, it works 
out fine. 

Our Sony C770 has other aids to 
marital peace. 

Black light digits you can see with your 
eyes half open.A day-and-date calendar. 
A 3-way alarm. 

Superb sound from the radio. But no 
sound from the clock. 

9.95" Te this Sony. Its a lot less 


PLAYBOY 


36 


More people use Desenex 
to help stop Athlete's Foot 


than any other remedy. 


DESENEX? is America's number one 
Athlete's Foot preparation. 

That's because anti-fungal Desenex 
contains a medically-proven formula 
that has successfully helped millions 
of sulferers. And the number gets 
bigger every year. 

To help heal Athlete's Foot, use 
Desenex Ointment at night and Desenex 
Powder, or Aerosol, during the day When. 
Desenex is used routinely, continued 
protection against fungous infection 
is assured. 

To fight Athlete's Foot, or prevent 
its recurrence, use the preparation with 
the best track record of 
them all—Desenex. 


| Seothing. Codi 
Medicated 
Foot Саге, 


L Also available in Solution farm. 


ey 


the BSR7IO or B10. 


way you'll get the shaft. 


The BSR 810 and 710 have their brains in their 
shaft. A carefully machined metal rod halding eight 
precision-molded cams. When the cam shaft turns, 
the cams make things happen. A lock is released, 
an arm raises and swings, a record drops. a platter 
Starts spinning, the arm is lowered, the arm stops, 
the arm raises again, il swings back, another record 
is dropped onto the platter, the arm is lowered 
again, and So on, for as many hours as you like. 


Deluxe turntables from other companies do much 
the same thing, but they use many more parts— 
scads of separate swinging arms, gears, plates, and 
Springs—in an arrangement that is not nearly as. 
mechanically elegant, or as quiet or reliable; that 

produces considerably more vibration, and is much 
more susceptible to mechanical shock than the 
BSR sequential cam shaft system. 


When you buy a tumtable, make sure you get 
the shaft. The BSR 710 and 810. 
From Ihe world's largest 
manufacturer of automatic 
turntables. 


as Simon Templar of The Saint series. 
Suave, cool and handsome, Moore Jacks 
the carthy humor of his predecesor but 
plays the Fleming game passably well. He 
seems markedly less sex-conscious than 
Connery, too, though that may be simply 
ter of de-emphasis by scenarist Tom 
Mankiewicz and director Guy Hamilton, 


both experienced hands. Jane Seymour, 
as Solitaire the sceress—whose powers 
wane as her sex appeal increases—and 
Gloria Hendry, as а bedworthy secret 
agent, provide Bond's principal diver 
sions from a plot tha 
voodoo and a fiendish evildoer named 
Dr. Kananga (Yaphet Kotto), who has 
a scheme afoot for conquering the civ- 
ilized world through drug addiction. 
High point of the picture is yet another 
stic chase in speedboass that zing 
nd sea and occasionally collide 
with police patrol cars. Except for this 
episode, the movie ranks low to middling 
on the Bond scale of hyperstimulant cin 
ema. As a footnote, wend spotters will 
note an unusual number of blacks among 
the baddies, which must signify some- 
thing, perhaps a putdown of the inverted 
racism (black for good, white for evil) 
thats been all too prevalent in action 
movies lately. 


involves violence. 


over land 


Montmartre. the Arcde Triomphe and 
the Eiffel Tower are glimpsed as fleeting 
reflections in plate-glass doors by a 
troop of American ladies on a guided 
tour of Paris. These giddy tourists in the 
Gity of Light see little else, save traffic 
jams and chromium snack bars; thus, 
Paris isa case of love at first sight, because 
it reminds them of places back home, like 
Cleveland. That is the essence of Playtime, 
a brilliant comic essay by France's 
Jacques Tati, who has a great deal to 
say—or show—about the ludicrous situa- 
tion of human beings in a modern world 
that is all coming to resemble Kennedy 
Airport. Far superior to his 1971 Traf 
fic—another episode in the misadven 
tures of Tati Mr. Hulot—Playtime was 
made in 1967 and appears at the age of 
six to be not just a delightful social satire 
but a prophecy fulfilled. Tati doesn’t 


Che Buran 


for Gentlemen _ 


For me -only the best! 


The BARON SPLASH for gentlemen-to be well-groomed from top to toe. 


SPLASH® EVYAN PERFUMES, INC. THE BARON ® 


PLAYBOY 


38 


How the English 
keep dry, 


4 
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invite moviegoers to roll in the a 
would rather we chuckle along with him 
at the patently absurd roles played. by 
mankind on a planet where the revealed 
religion is Progress. He sees devastating 
implications in the opening of a swank 
supper club occupied by frenzied dancers, 
1 man toppling repeatedly off his bar 
stool, a doorman with only a knob in his 
hand, who politely helps patrons enter 
through a nonexistent door. Гау rueful 
metaphor is а merry-go-round world in 
which, at last, it seems utterly reasonable 
that the treasures of the Louvre cannot 
compete for public favor with the dizzy 
enchantment of cars moving up and 
down on a hydraulic lift. 


On a bleak Oklahoma hilltop circa 
1910, two neer-do-well men and an em- 
bittered woman defend their wildcat 
drilling site against an army of thugs 
recruited by a giant oil corporation. 
George C. Scott and John Mills play the 
beleaguered heroes of Oklahoma Crude with 
bout as much gusto as a movie screen 
can hold—Scott as a hired hand, Mills as 
the estranged father of wildcatter Faye 
Dunaway (a fine actress flagrantly mis- 
cast—for Faye's inbred elegance d 
all efforts to disguise her, with long. 
underwear and Max Factor smudges, as a 
feminist roustabout). First-rate cinema- 
tography by Robert Surtees, plus the 
screenplay by Marc Norman, might have 
sustained the elemental conflicts of Crude 
if producer-director Stanley Kramer had 
ever decided just what kind of movie he 
wanted to make, Living up to his reputa- 
tion for sledge-hammer subtlety, Kramer 
stages one showdown scene with stark 
realism, another as farce—while Henry 
Mancini’s velvety background music 
treats love, hate, hope, fear and sexual 
desire as if he hoped to turn every gush 
of emotion into a Top 40 song hit. The 
result is a film full of rumbling promise 
but aesthetically out of sync, with е 
its potent star power diminished by half. 


Produced by Francis Ford Coppola (of 
Godfather fame) and directed by his pro- 
tégé, George Lucas (whose first film was 
THX 1138, a muddled but promising try 
at science fiction), American Grafiti has 
very little plot and no particularly telling 
points to make. It is, nonetheless, a satis 
fying slice-of-life movie that takes the 
pulse of teenagers in an average Califor- 
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summer of '62. Every guy who's got 
whecls is cruising the main drag or stop- 
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the action is. There's a hop in progress at 
the high school gym, if anyone is square 
enough to care. Girls are picked up and 
dropped as fast as they can be checked 
out for their accessibility. Two buddies 
named Steve and Curt (played by Ronny 
Howard and Richard Dreyfus) are 


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First look at the specifications. And then 
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39 


PLAYBOY 


40 


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enjoying their last night on the town be- 
fore they fly away to an. Eastern colle; 
and two less privileged chums (Charlie 
Martin Smith and Paul Le Mat) are pre- 
occupied with fast cars and even faster 


chicks (fastest by far is a blonde named 
Debbie, caught like a butterlly in a block 
of crystal by Candy Clark) While a 


generally firstrate cast of little-known 


performers makes American Graffiti come 
to life, substantial credit must be shared 
with director Lucas and coscenarists Glo- 
ria Katz and Willard Huyck, whose ruc- 
ful reminiscence of what it meant to be 
young in the Sixties is sharper than the 
retouched portrait of Fifties youth in 
The Last Picture Show. The lount of cul- 
ture is a car radio blast 
rent hits by The Pl 
Boys, courtesy of a celebrated West Coast 
deejay known as Wolfn ck. And 
ng, the way Lucas t becomes 

ly а tecnage social custom but a 
classic American ritual as stylized as a 
tribal salute to puberty. 


Pinup boy Burt Reynolds enters bis 


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cops in one of those lethal little towns 
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rest is good tough Reynolds rap. 


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spree with a band of midgets—and falls 
in love with their diminutive leader. 
Give this one short shrift. 


A herpetological horror show starring 
more snakes than you can shake a shtick 
at, Sssssss stars Dirk Benedict and Heather 
Menzies as a boy and a girl who find that 
love is a drag when a [ella turns into a 
king cobra. Excellent make-up and pho- 
tography, though only a confirmed snake 
handler will watch this one with both 
feet on the floor. 


RECORDINGS 


Triumvirate (Columbia) brings together 
the talents of two third-rate rock stars, 
Mike Bloomfield and John Paul Ham- 
mond, and one great one, Dr. John. 
There's a Jong, dull story (part of which 
is printed on the sleeve) about how per- 
sonal tensions and musical chaos almost 
prevented the al- 
bum from coming 
off. Well, the tape 
probably should 
have been left in 
the can. The open- 
er, Cha-Dooky-Doo, 
is pretty good, even 
Hammond's sing- 
ing is passable, but 
Chris E 


this point on, the 


descent is rapid. 
Mike is generally 
off mike and. John 
Paul's attempts to 
sing “da blooze” (as 
the pop press di 
tinguishes the imi- 


We always like a musici 
come up the hard 
fered torment and bad wom 


arist Dave Markee and drummer Clive 
Thacker add considerable support. 


We had some unkind things to say 
about Carney, but Leon Russell more 
than redeems himself with Leon Live (Shel- 
ter), a three-disc concert recording that is 
the epitome of his vast talents. Since near- 
ly every track is first-rate, you begin to get 
a picture of Russell’s incredible creativity 
and drive. When you can listen to more 
than three sides of this powerhouse style 
at one sitting, you'll begin to understand 
what a Leon Russell concert is all about. 
The set includes classic country rockers. 
sometimes with an old-timey flavor, as in 
Dixie Lullaby, sometimes freshened up 
with new piano figures and Gospel fills, 
as in Of Thee I Sing, occasionally quiet 
and reflective, as in Sweet Emily. The 

featuring Don Preston's guitar 
his lines above the clamor of Jump- 
ing Jack Flash), is superb throughout. A 
Dallas Gospel group, Black Grass, was 
touring with Rus- 
sell last summer. 
and they fit in well 
here, with only an 
Occasional strain- 
ing to match his 
ace and tempo. 
"There are nods to 
the blues and to 
Little Richard— 
aportant 
for Leon 
fne musical 
couise on the trials 
of touring and per- 
forming Out in 
the Woods, featur- 
ing the Reverend 
Patrick Hender- 
son's dever vocal 
obbligato to Leon, 


sources 
nd 


E 
n who's 
who's sul- 


tative variety) are, strong riffs by the 
to put it charitably, Gospel girls, rhyth- 
uninspired. As the | and really lived it. For this reason, | mic pauses and 
Doctor has told | we were happy to learn about Sam Î jumps and, as al 
ws brilliantly else- | Leopold's first album, Asa PR release | ways, Leon's per 
cime Ol wem on || Gelb At aye 24 he is living in | fect pacing and 

e, but | Evanston, a suburb of Chicago, and | gauging of the 


been | has been pla 


the wrong time.” | im the city 
` But hi 


Now that O Lucky 
Nen! has made its 
mark on Ameri 
movie screens, we imagine the lines will 
be forming at the record shops to scoop 
up Warner Bros" originalsound-track 
LP. "The songs and the performance by 
composerpianistsinger Alan Price (he 
is, incidentally, very visible in the movie) 
are merely sensational. Price is close to 

ewman 
song; the title tune, Changes, Justice and, 
especially, Poor People are several cuts 
above most of the better pop stuff turned 
out today. 1 voice is beguilin 
ightforward and his piano work m 


tori 


ng the folk-club circuit 
ce the summer of 1972. 
musical experience: 
ar lessons from hi 
cleaning lady in the mid-1950s. 


audience response. 
"The concluding of 
fering, Its All 
Over Now Baby 
Blue, caps the most 
important record- 
cd statement Leon Russell has made. 


ate back 
parents 


Supersax Pleys Bird (Capitol) is a wild 
thing. The idea behind it was to take 
dassic Charlie Parker solos and turn them. 
into ensemble charts. The results are 
astonishing. Supersax is made up of Med 
Flory and Joe Lopes on alto, Warne 
Marsh and Jay Migliori on tenor and 


Jack Nimitz on baritone, with Conte 
Candoli’s trumpet the brass coun- 
terpoint and pianist Ronnell Bright, 


Hanna and bassist Buddy 
g the rhythm (a brass choir 


drummer J 
Clark supplyi 


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was tacked on for three of the numbers). 
The reed work on some of the more 
frenetic Bird solos is breath-taking, But 
even on the slower, moodier pieces, the 
transformation of the solos into a con- 
temporary group sound is startling. Able 
to leap impossible charts at a single 
bound, it's Supersax! 


Let's hear it for Choice records, a new 
label with a couple of splendid debut 
albums. A Flower for All Seasons duos Eddie 

niels on flute, alto flute, clarinet and 

ss clarinet, and Bucky Pizzarelli on clec- 
tric and acoustic guitars. Bucky. who 
created quite a stir when he teamed up 
with fellow guitarist George В; 
found another soulmate in Di 
two, with Pizzarclli ust 
backup sound for Daniels, are superi 
ful as they weave their way through a se: 
sion that ranges from Chopin and Ibert 
through Harold Arlen's ds Long as I 
Live and Henry Mancini’s Two for the 
Road to a couple of ja77-boss:-nova 
items, Samia by Les McCann and Blue 
Bossa by Kenny Dorham. The Jimmy Giuffre. 
3 / Music for People, Birds, Butterflies & Mos- 
quitos is equally impressive. Estimable 
composer-reedman Giuffre is heard here 
on flute, clarinet and tenor sax, 
with bassist Kiyoshi Tokunay 
mer Randy Kaye, as they perform а dozen 
of his compositions. Singly and in toto, 
they're fascinating, with Tokunaga mak- 
ing a major contribution to the overall 
fectiveness of the album. But what we 
really appreciate most about both LPs is 
their ability to convey musical excitement 
keeping the decibel count to an ear- 
preserving level, and that—in this day 
ad age—is something. The records are 
available at $5.98 cach from Choice Rec- 
ords, 245 Tilley Place, Sca Cliff, New 
York 11579. 


ly providing 


The new one from Sly and the Fa 
Stone, Fresh (Epic), makes a silly conces- 
sion to somebody by printing the ly 
to the tunes, thereby making people 
read and reflect on Sly's stock in trade, 
the great suggestive nonsense (Babies 
Makin’ Babies, for instance) that his 
music is designed to present through 
those marvelous mumble 
ululations and incoherencies that have to 
be heard. This album is beautiful. 


mannerisms, 


Bet you thought all the rock-star infat- 
uation with gurus and things Indian was 
over. Not so: We're getting another go- 
round, or recrudescence, of the Perennial 
Pop Philosophy in two very different al- 
bums by George Harrison and Mahavish- 
nu John McLaughlin. Harrison, the only 
Beatle to survive musically, offers his 
most appealing, if not sophisticated, mix 
to date of pop music and Vedanta en- 
lightenment in Living in the Material World 
(Apple). Ranging from meditative prayer 
to love songs, lawyer songs and rock ‘n’ 


roll, the album works best in the rock 
mode: Don't Let Me Wait Too Long 
a nice uptempo ballad in the latc 
Beatles vein; The Lord Loves the One 
(That Loves the Lord) uses a Gospel verse 
with power and ease; the title tune, trac- 
ing George's hopeful progress from birth 
through friends John and Paul to Sri 
Krishna's grace, is the best of the lot, 
aided in no small measure by Klaus Voor- 
mann’s fine bloop-bloop bass, Nicky 
Hopkins’ piano and Jim Horn'ssax. The 
big production numbers try to mix sin- 
cerity and schmaltz, not too effectively. 
Yet George's religiosity—here much more 
firmly, musically grounded than in All 
Things Must Pass—is going to speak 
to millions. And that is no bad thing. 
love Devotion Surrender (Columbia) 
ly brings together the converging 
ents of Carlos Santana and Mahavishnu 
John under the devout auspices of $ 
Chinmoy, John's guru, whose message 
adorns the album's inner sleeve. Carlos 
began getting into. McLaughlin's music 
with Marbles on the Buddy Miles 
tana album, then developed that 
tion in Caravanserai, This disc is no 
Hindu hoedown, however, but а fresh 
look at, among other things. the music of 
John Coltrane. А Love Supreme is 
grounded in some fine Larry Young or- 
gan, over which Carlos and John trade 
fiery guitar excursions, while Naima is 
the quiet message, the best thing on the 
album. In the traditional Let Us Go into 
the House of the Lord, a wholly different 
vor is evoked: a modal and arrhythmic 
opening, then a middle section of congas 
in up-tempo with guitars flashing 
and, finally, a lovely lingering close. A 
brief Meditation—McLaughlin now on 
piano, Santana now on acoustic guitar— 
concludes the proceedings, reverently. 


over 


TELEVISION 


We asked the Chicago Sun-Times's 
Pulitzer Prize-winning television critic, 
Ron Powers (whose last PLAYBOY contri. 
bution was June's interview with Walter 
Cronkite), to ponder the upcoming TV 
season. Here's his gloomy report: 

Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice without 
hanky-panky? Love Story without death? 
Shaft without his gun? Yes, ГУ fans, 
there's all of that—and less—in store for 
you as the three major networks prepare 
to unveil a new fall primetime season 
thats so innocuous you wouldn't be 
ashamed to watch it with your President. 

Series adaptations of hit movics—s. 


tized of all the earthiness that made those 


movics hits—provide but one example of 
television's New Banality this fall. Even 
before the nation’s TV critics gathered in 
Los Angeles in June to preview the sea- 
son, there were disturbing indications 
that the Nixon Administration's dis 
pleasure with treatment of matters sexual 


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PLAYBOY 


46 


and/or ideological was getting through to 
the license-conscious broadcasters. In the 
carly spring, CBS had canceled Sticks and 
Bones, David Rabe's blackly humorous 
satire about a returning Vietnam-war vet, 
just days before air time—ostensibly be- 
ise it would offend sensibilities during 
the wave of P. O. W. returns, That move 
cost CBS a promising long-term associ 
tion with producer Joseph Papp, who 
severed his commitments with the net- 
work in disgust after the decision. (For 
more on Papp. see this month's “Thea- 
ter” section.) 

A few weeks later, CBS announced it 
would cancel the situation-comedy series 
Bridget Loves Bernie, though that tep- 
idly amusing show about a Catholic bride 
and a Jewish bridegroom was among 
TVs top ten in the Nielsen ratings. 
“Performance below expect was 
the corporate rationale—but it was no 
secret that the series had drawn fire from 
outraged leaders in both the Catholic and 
the Jewish communiti 

Given that acquiescent atmosphere— 
plus the U.S. Supreme Court crackdown 
on “obscenity”—no one expected fall 
1973 to usher in a new level of TV can- 
dor on the order of All in the Family or 
Mande. But then, no one quite expected 
The Return of My Friend Irma, which is 
about what we're getting. ABC, for exam- 
ple, will tease viewers every week with its 
desexualized version of Bob & Carol & 
Ted & Alice. Another stern ruling from 
the network, disclosed Anita Gillette, one 
of the stars of the series, was that the 
cleavage of co-star Anne Archer was not 
to show. 

Not only femmes but feminism seems 
headed for peculiar mass-cult modifica- 
tions at ABC. Another of the network's 
ncw shows is com called 4dam's Rib 
about a young husband-and-wife lawyer 


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а woman critic asked Howard, “I think it 
is, yes,” he replied. Lots of luck, Howard. 
At NBG, producer George Schaefer said 


Name. 
Address. 
sale E св 


asn't sure Ле was happy with the 
title the network has given his anthology 
series about male-female relationships. 
"That's understandable: The title is Love 
Story. but ne'er will be heard a four-letter 
word from the lips of Ali MacGraw. In 
fact, there will be no Ali MacGraw; the 
series won't have any regular stars and 
the title, once again, is a gimmick. “ 
of 17 scripts Гуе seen,” said Schaefer, 
“one or two will be slightly far out.” 
Hot damn. 

NBC will also offer what be the 
nitively insipid sitcom: It will pair a 
tive from Walt Disney movies (John 
lly Field as 
ESP in The Girl with 


a young wife with 
Something Extra. 
In a new cop series, TV will demon- 
strate—again taking its cue from the Ad- 
i on—that you can be cut off 
om reality and still get plenty of cheap 
thrills. The CBS schedule, in particular, 
will teem with gunslinging cops and de- 
tectives, including the castrated Shaft, 
i ard Roundtree in a 90-m 
Tuesday series alternating 
with Hawkins (starring Jimmy Stewart 
recreating his Anatomy of & Murder 
role), and Telly Savalas will lumber aft- 
cr crooks as Kojak on Wednesday. CBS 
also has a young new Perry Mason in 
Monte Markham whose practice will 
still be based on those quaint whodunits 
that wowed 'em in the Fifties. 
here are a few bright spots. Detective- 
novelist Joseph Wambaugh, who has ar- 
t g NBC series 
based on his Police Story, told critics in 
June that if the network does anything 
idiculous" to the integrity of his plots, 
"Il just walk off." ABC will present 
atharine Hepburn in a special produc- 
n of Tennessee Williams’ The Glass 
Menagerie: will do a dramatization based 
on Е. Scott Fitgerald’s The Last of the 
Belles, with Richard Chamberlain and 
Blythe Danner; and will offer Laurence 
Olivier Shakespeare's Merchant of 
Venice. There's upsurge in 
series with black stars. Besides Shaft, 
CBS is doing Roll Out! (with Stu Gilliam 
and Hilly Hicks), a military comedy set 
during World War Two. And NBC has 
Tenafly. staring James McEachin as a 
harried black middle-American_ private 
eye; it could be outstanding. 

The status of primetime news and 
publicaffairs shows this fall is uncertain. 
No network has a regularly scheduled 
night, prime-time slot for documen- 
, though NBC plans 30 hours of 
such programing in 1973-1974, CBS 26 
and ABC has promised 12. But how "in- 
vestigative” will the journalism on these 
documentaries be? A recent hard 
terpretation of the fairness doctrine by 
the Federal Communications Commission 
staff would have the effect of virtually ex- 
tinguishing broadcast journalism, should 


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it be upheld by the full seven-member 
commission, The interpretation held that 
a Peabody Award-winning NBC study of 
failed pension plans in the U.S. violated 
the fairness doctrine because it didn't 
show examples of successful pension plans 
on the same show. Traditionally, the fair- 
ness doctrine has given broad discretion 
to the broadcasters in presenting all sides 
of a controversial issue over an indefinite 
period of time, Network newsmen (in- 
cluding CBS correspondent Da 
send) fear that the decision against NBC, 
should it be upheld, is а dangerous in- 
fringement of First Amendment protec- 
tion of broadcast journalism—and even 
if it's overturned, another Administra- 
tion warning will nonetheless ha 
made perfectly dear. 

In shor, the New Banality is here. 
Pass the cottage cheese and catsup- 


Town- 


ve been 


THEATER 


This fall, Joseph Papp’s New York 
Shakespeare Festival replaces the Reper- 
tory Theater of Lincoln Center—and the 
dapper, dynamic producer promises revo- 
lution. As he has shown in his past bat- 
Чез, he is a willing infighter who wades 
into action, mouth first. The man chews 
on controversy like his ever-present cigar. 
When CBS hooted Papp's production of 
David Rabe's Sticks and Bones from the 
network in March, Papp's cry of foul was 
heard coast to coast—and he allowed his 
projected four-year contract to lapse after 
only 11 months and one televised pro- 
duction, an updated version of Sha 

speare’s Much Ado About Nothing. 
At Lincoln Genter, he is plotting not 
only a complete change in artistic policy 
but also a total overhaul of the Vivian 
Beaumont Theater, which he has pro- 
claimed "a disaster.” 
making a big splash. The emphasis will 
no longer be оп revivals of dassics 
(“There's something staid in that no- 
tion”) but on new American plays by 
new American writers, such as Rabe, 
Jason Miller, Charles Gordone, Robert 
Montgomery and Richard Wesley, whom 
Papp discovered at his off-Broadway Pub- 
lic Theater. One thing he will not have is 
revolving repertory. “I think of that as 
something old and European. 1 get tired 

of seeing the same actors all the time." 
The season's opener at Lincoln Center 
will be In the Boom Boom Room, by 
Papp’s prize playwright, Rabe. This is a 
family play but with undertones of the 
author's favorite subject, the war in Viet- 
nam. The main character is a go-go danc- 
er, a role, says Papp, for a young Marilyn 
Monroe, if he can find one. He will fol- 
low that with a two-character Irish pl 
Au Pair Man, starring Julie F 
black play: Strindbergs Dance of Death, 
h Max von Sydow making his U.S. 


He is dedicated to 


stage debut; and a spaced-out rock musi- 
cal (Papp was the first to produce Hair). 

A look at that list—with its stars and its 
revival oLa dassic—and one might be i 
clined to accuse Papp of compromise, But 
he has always been an unpredictable, cu- 
rious combination of rebel and realist. 
“Medium repertory with just good actors 
is not enough," he says. "Perhaps it is in 
a smaller place like Minneapolis, but not 
in New York. In New York, you have to 
compete with Broadway.” What he wants 
is “distinguished performers—stars—with 
the decibel to fill a theater.” But, he in- 
The play is still paramount. I will 
t with Orson Welles and ask him 
play he wants to do” 

The Repertory Theater used to do its 
new works in the basement of the Beau 
mont, at the tiny Forum Theater. Papp 
will reverse the process. Rabe is to be on 
the main stage and Shakespeare in the 
basement, along with small versions of 
major plays, done in some cases by major 
actors. “Shakespeare is our Bach,” he says, 
although he doesn't often play him the 
traditional way. Asked if blacks would 
object to his plans for a white Othello, he 
answers, “Not with a black Iago.” 

He hopes to bring a sense of spacious- 

ness and of glamor to Lincoln Center 
theater. At the root of his enterprise. 
right next to artistic integrity, is his feel- 
ing about money: “It’s always in the pic 
ture. How much good theater product 
we can disseminate to how many people 
is based on our money-raising capacity." 
Papp's fund-raising ability is fantastic: “I 
don't go with a tin cup on the subway ask- 
ing for charity. 1 ask the person who gives 
me $100,000 to give me $200,000." Mrs. 
Samuel I. Newhouse, the wife of the com- 
munications king, once gave him $100; 
this year, she gave him $1,000,000. 
"here are two ways of bei 
poor poor and rich poor,” he says, and 
explains that when Jules Irving was in 
charge of the Lincoln Center rep and 
had between а $500,000 and a $750,000 
annual deficit, they were ready to shut 
up shop. In a $10,000,000 theater!” From 
Papp's point of view, “That makes no 
sense. The amount of money spent 
can't be niggling” He keeps raising 
the niggling level, which is now up to 
$10,000,000 as а projected five-year defi- 
cit. He says he needs at least that much 
in order to be “freewheeling.” 

With Lincoln Center, the Public Thea- 
ter, Shakespeare in Central Park, mobile 
theaters throughout New York City and 
shows on Broadway, Papp is the most pro- 
lific, probably the most powerful man in 
the American theater. But he has never 
been one to rest on his record. He now 
plans to film and to tape his own pro- 
ductions, another step in his ultimate 
dream—to operate a national theater. Or, 
as one of Papp's associates says, "All the 
world’s a stage—and we own it. 


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THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Three ye 


„ I met an attractive and 
«реп girl who had a notable sexual 
reputation around town. When I came 
into the picture, it was all sex at first, but 
gradually we became very attached and 
we now sce cach other daily. We are both 

and she is becoming preoccupied with 
d future, especially as regards 
ge. My family is prominent in this 
rather small town and I scem to have. 
herited some hang-ups as a result. Despite 
my need for her physically. emotionally 
and intellectually, and my deep and pro- 
found feelings about her, I still have a 
funny feeling when we are out in publ 
because I cannot scem to forget her past. 
And neither can my friends nor my fam- 
ily, who do not wholly accept her. I wish 
neither to leave her nor to marry her, but 
she won't wait through my indecision for- 
ever. Do you see а way to resolve my 
dilemma?—F. R., Conway, Arkansas 

Jj it's gotten to where you can't stroll 
down memory lane without getting. 
mugged, then it's time to move. She may 
want to follow you; you may have earned 
the right to ask her to. Once you have es- 
caped the prejudicial atmosphere of your 
home town, you will be able to give your 
future a fair hearing. 


Bleue a virgin at 22 is a genuine social 
handicap. Ive encountered so much 
skepticism and pseudo-Freudian insight 
that I stopped confessing the fact. No 
one ever meant enough to me to try sex 
until now. My new boyfriend does mean 
enough. Should I tell him about my 
handicap or let him find out for hi 
selE—Miss G. A, Ames, Iowa. 
Tell him. Virginity is a congenital de- 
fect that can be corrected by a simple 
operation. We've sure he'll cooperate. 


Ё carry an acrosol breath spray in my car 
case I'm stopped on the way home 
from a bar by a state trooper—a quick 
spray will prevent detection of alcohol on 
my breath. A friend of mine says that lm. 
making a big mistake. He daims that if 
I'm forced to take a Breathalyzer test, the 
alcoholic content of the acrosol spray will 
put the meter right off the scale with a 
reading that says І shouldn't be alive, let 
опе be able to drive. Knowing if this is 
fact or fiction may keep my fingerprints 
off a blotter down at the local n. Is 
my friend right—P. S. R, Hartford 
Connecticut. 

Your friend is wrong, but you're still 
making a big mistake. In most states, evi 
dence technicians must observe a suspect 
for 20 minutes before they give him a 
Breathalyzer test. Use of an aerosol breath 
spray would surely attract their attention; 


it would not matter to the meter. (You 
could rinse your mouth out with bourbon 
and still not influence the outcome of the 
lest.) However, it doesn't take a meter to 
indicate that you are unfit to drive and 
that you may not, for long, be alive If 
you have to mask the odor of alcohol on 
your breath, youve already had too much 
to be on the road. 


One of my girlfriends told me that mak- 
ing love on a water bed is like having a 
third person in bed who knows more 
about pleasure than the two of us put 
together. I want to get one for my apart- 
ment, but my landlord says no. There's 
nothing in the lease about it, but I would 
rather convince him of the safety than re- 
sort to legal measures. Can you help?— 
L. D., Ann Arbor, Mich 

Waterbed leaks are  infrequent—a 
frame and safety liner will prevent flood- 
ing, should one occur. Your big worry is 
weight; A six-byseven-foot water bed tips 
the scales at 1600 pounds when full and 
slightly more than that when occupied. 
Check your city’s building code to find 
the minimum floor-load capacity for 
apartments; in most cities, is from 40 to 
65 pounds per square foot. You'll be safe 
unless your aquatic erotics include orgies. 
Also, for a few dollars, you can obtain 
tenantliability insurance, so that the tep- 
aration of possible damage would not 
diminish your landlord's bank account. 
That should convince him. 


For reasons that are not yer dear, 1 
have always gone out with tall, willowy 
blondes whose cup sizes equaled their 
grade averages: they have all been dean's- 
list caliber. The girl I'm engaged to fits 
this pattern to the A and I find to my be- 
wilderment that it really bothers me. Big 
breasts arc a turn-on, and J doubt that I 
can go through life without dropping my 
gaze below eye level when I meet another 
woman, or without wondering what sex 
would be like with a more generously en- 
dowed partner. E must add that sex is not 
bad as it is—my attitude is the only thing 
that’s wrong with my fiancée. I can't de- 
cide if it would be honest—to myself or 
to her—to go ahead with our marriage 
plans. What do you thinki—F. J., Salt 
Lake City, Utah. 

J's not a question of honesty; ifs a 
matter of maturity—yours, not hers. A 
marriage is more than the sum of its ana- 
tomical paris; success depends on quali- 
ties of love, respect and compatibility. In 
this equation, breast size ought to be in- 
significant. Undoubtedly, yowve heard 
the proverb that “more than a mouthful 
is superfluous.” This advice overlooks the 
possibility thal a man’s preference for 


“All my men wear- 
English Leather. 
Every one of them? 


“All my men wear 
English Leather. . 
Every one of them” 


A PROOLCT OF MEM COMPANY, NORTHVALE, N.J. 01971 


53 


PLAYBOY 


e breasts 15 deep rooted and largely 
involuntary. No one should plunge into 
a permanent relationship without some 
regard for his specific likes and dislikes. 
The result could be a marriage that floun- 
ders sexually: The couple may never 
know why, or the husband may fect guilty 
because his wife doesn’t turn him on, or 
the wife may feel guilty because she 
doesn't turn her husband on. Living with 
another person is not easy in the best of 
circumstances; it would be foolish to start 
with а handicap. However, you may not 
have a problem. Your dating history is 
hardly an accident; it suggests that you are 
attracted to certain qualities (blondeness, 
intelligence, etc.). Your last-minute con- 
fusion about breasts may be a normal 
premarital impulse to make mountains, 
whether or not they are there. Mar- 
riage will not end your enjoyment of the 
le assets of other women, nor will it 
idle speculation. Why not take time to 
satisfy your curiosity before you make a 
final commitment? Oscar Wilde said, “In 
this world there are only two tragedies: 
One is not getting what one wants and 
the other is getting it." 


Should т tip the piano player in a 
lounge or club? If so, how much is ex- 
pected and what is the most tactful way 
to bestow the reward?—L. B., Fort Sill, 
Oklahoma. 

You don’t shoot the piano player if he 
plays poorly and you don’t necessarily 
tip him if he plays well. If you have 
asked him to play a special song, leave a 
dollar—there's usually a glass or а tray 
on the piano. Or buy hima drink, 


Д iter 15 years of marriage and a recent 
divorce, Гат back in the ball game. I sus- 
in my ycars in thc dugout, the 
y have changed. How does an un- 
married couple check into a hotel or 
motel these days? As I recall from many 
years ago, you carried in two bags, you 
had rings that looked like wedding bands 
and you signed the register Mr. and Mrs. 
Is this still the case?—R. B., Philadel- 
phia, Pennsylvania, 

The rules of our national sport have 
not really changed in 15 years. Innkeep- 
ers are still concerned about the reputa- 
lion of their establishment and do not 
condone openly any activity that violates 
law, custom or the other guests’ ideas 
about propriety. Most hotels and motels 
insist on a Mr-and-Mrs. signature; if 
you're willing to falsify the register, 
they'll look the other way. Confronta- 
lions are vare—desk. clerks seem to be 
blessed with the kind of indifference that 
English teachers would call a suspension 
of disbelief. There ате few laws that spe- 
cifically prohibit the use of an assumed 
name or fictional relationship when regis- 
tering in a hotel or motel, unless it's done 
with the intent 10 defraud. (Delaware, In- 


diana, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, 
Minnesota, New Hampshire, North Da- 
на, Ohio, Virginia and New Jersey do 
prohibit the use of fictitious names; Ar- 
kansas, Georgia, North Carolina and 
Mississippi also have laws against misre p- 
resenting relationships.) In most cases, 
you can avoid problems by paying the dou- 
ble occupancy rate in advance. Bear in 
mind that state laws against adultery, for- 
nication or sodomy still apply, although 
prosecution for conduct of this type in 
private is rare. Be sure to double-lock 
your door and keep your blinds drawn, 
and do not admit anyone who is un- 
invited. The risks of this kind of behavior 
increase or decrease according to the com- 
munity and its standard of morality. Be 
sure you're familiar with both. 


Why is the zipper on a pair of 
trousers called a fly?—L. 5. Hollywood, 
Californi: 

Technically, it shouldn't be. Fly is the 
term for any folded material or flap on a 
garment. When brecches were first de- 
vised, the fly was a piece of cloth that 
covered the front and that could be 
flapped open. Men have laced, buttoned, 
snapped and hooked their flies for cen- 
turies; the zipper is a fairly recent inven- 
tion and seems to have closed the case 
once and for all. Fly now describes the 
flap that covers the zipper. 


Bam a 28-year-old widow and am hav- 
ing an affair with a wonderful man who 
calls me by that quaint old term, “mi: 
tress.” This man is good to me in every 
though 1 claim to be finan- 
"dependent, he helps me out with 
money if I need it. He spends as much 
time as he can with me and sleeps with 
me about three nights a weck. However, 
one of my friends believes that as his inis- 
tress, I should make him pay my rent and 
buy my clothes. Personally, I am content 
with the gifts he occasionally gives me, 
the dates we have and the emotions we 
share. Is my friend wrong, or should I 
look for more? Also, besides sex and loyal- 
ty, what should a man expect from his 
mistress?—Mrs. G. S., Hamilton, Ontario. 

Discretion. What а lover calls you is his 
business. Whether or not, in this case, it is 
actually your business, it is none of your 
friend's. We see no harm in a vocabulary 
that is Victorian; your relationship sounds 
totally up to date. Before you negotiate 
а new contract, you might keep in mind 
Kurt Vonnegut’s warning that you ате 
what you pretend to be, so be very care- 
ful what you pretend to be. 


AA tow weeks ago, 1 heard that if my bed 
partner douched with alum before inter- 
course, it sensation for 
both of us. The idea seems plausible; I 
remember a scene in a Little Rascals come- 
dy in which someone put alum in the 


would increase 


lemonade and no one could talk because 
thi s were puckered. I imagine the 
principle is the same for the alum douche 
Have you ever heard of this use of 
alum?—G. C., Hanover, New Hampshire. 

Yes: It belongs with the French tickler 
and Spanish fly in the catalog of dement- 
ed, dangerous sexual idiocy. Alum is used 
medically as an astringent. Diluted solu- 
lions have a drying effect, while more- 
concentrated solutions act as an irritant. 
An alum douche dries and shrinks the 
mucous membrane that lines the vagino, 
which then seems to be tighter because 
there is less lubrication and more resist- 
ance lo penetration. Frequent use of an 
alum douche will cause serious drying of 
the mucous membrane, along with irri- 
tation, cracking and bleeding. We doubt 
that your partner would find this pleas- 
ant. As for your own sensation—alum is 
a substance used to pickle dills. 


WI, girlfriend recently showed me an 
article on astrological birth conuol th 
claimed the method is completely natural 
and 98 percent effective. The article ex- 
plained that a woman has two periods of 
fertility cach month—one based on the 
menstrualovulation cycle and one based 
on the angle of the sun and moon at the 
time of her birth (i.e, a woman is fertile 
during ovulation and whenever there is a 
full moon, if she was born during a fuil 
moon). There usually are 13 astrologi 
cally fertile days each year. To prev 
pregnancy, a woman abstains from sex for 
three days prior to, and for all the days of, 
peak fertility. In addition, she follows the 
ordinary rhythm method and abstai 
from sex from the tenth through the 23rd 
day of her menstrual cycle. My girlfriend 
is eager to switch to this method, but 
I would like your opinion first. Is it 
eflectivee—A. С, West Orange, New 
Jersey. 

The ordinary rhythm method is only 
about 65 percent effective, primarily be- 
cause women are not as regular as other 
heavenly bodies. Astrological birth con- 
trol merely adds a few more forbidden 
days 10 the monthly calendar, so that you 
end up practicing near abstinence, which 
is a very effective form of birth control. 
We wouldn't call it natural. Unless you 
can find true joy in a lovemaking sched- 
ule that coincides with the appearances 
of Halleys comet, your girl had better 
avoid this gift to star-crossed lovers. 


All reasonable questions—from fash- 
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and eliquette 
l be personally answered if the 
writer includes a stamped, self-addressed 
envelope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 М. Michi- 
gan Ave, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages each month. 


— 


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THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


an interchange of ideas between reader and editor 
on subjects raised by “the playboy philosophy” 


THE COURT'S OBSCENITY DECISIONS 
The U. S. Supreme Court view of por- 
nography reminds me of the story of a 
man in France who, a newscast reported, 
complained to the police that he could 
sec topless bathers on a beach. The police 
investigated. The beach was 1000 feet 
from the man's room and the bath- 
ers could only be seen with binoculars. 
Moses Durham 
Easton, Maryland 


There's no need to take booksellers 
and theater owners to court to determine 
whether or not pornography violates 
community standards. The best way 10 
determine community standards is to ap- 
ply the good old frée-enterprise system. 
If there are enough people in the com- 
munity to kcep a blue-movie theater or an 
adult bookstore in. business, that should 
be sufficient evidence that pornography 
is acceptable in that community. 

George Hayes 
Cincinnati, Ohio 


Iam convinced that, ultimately, reason 
will prevail and that the foolish and re- 
suictive Supreme Court decisions on por- 
nography will be reversed. Meanwhile, I 
foresee a proliferation of court cases 
throughout the country, testing what a 
community is, what prurient interest real- 
ly means and how much serious value 
work must possess. Since the decisions 
were announced, the supreme court of 
Georgia has declared that the film Carnal 
Knowledge, which is not even rated X, 
is obscene. 

Alter a long, 1 n New York 
City testilying expert witness in be- 
half of a well-done, educational Swedish 
film called Language of Love, | had to 
ask myself why the time of so many cit- 
izens and officials had to be taken up 
with such a trial, while muggings, rob- 
beries, burglaries and rapes plague this 
city. And Lalso wondered why the prose- 
cution allowed the jury to see the film if 
they really believed that it could be inju- 
rious, As Alice said, “Things get curiouser 
and curiguscr. 

As a psychotherapist and marriage 
counselor. I sometimes recommend vari- 
ous erotic films, books and pictures to 
my patients. Many of them report that 
erotica helps to free them from their inhi- 
bitions and, thus, helps them function 
better with their spouses. Now they will 
e more difficulty in seeing and read- 
ing such seriously valuable material, and 


Tam afraid I must enlarge my own library 
for their perusal. I shudder to think what 
an ambitious prosecutor might do to me 
for this practice. 

Paradoxically, the more contact people 
have with sexually explicit materials. the 
less they are affected by them. After 30 
years of such exposure, I can testify lo 
the stultilying effect of pornogr 
really need more of this n 
n less, so it can take its proper po- 
on near the bottom of the totem pole. 

Wardell B. Pomeroy, Ph.D. 
New York, New York 

Dr. Pomeroy, a participant in “The 
Playboy Panel: New Sexual Life Styles" 
(September), assisted in the research and 
writing of the Kinsey reports on human 
sexuality. 


The Sex Information and Education 
Council of the U.S. (SIECUS) is con- 
cerned about the possible impact of the 
Supreme Court's obscenity decisions on 
ous educ: programs in the field 


ion; 


health professions and many tr: 
programs for ministers include human 
sexuality as an. important. part. of. their 
professi curriculums. Many of the 
materials they use are, for obvious and 
important reasons, explicit. In addition, 
many high schools and colleges have rec- 
ognized that sex education is vital for the 
healthy development of individual per- 
sonality and for elimination of the igno- 
rance and confusion about sexual matters 
that still create widespread problems in 
our society 
t and former board members of 

ling professionals in their 
fields, will be watching closely for adverse 
effects of the Court’s obscenity decisions 
on important teaching programs. 

Mary S. Calderone, M.D., M. P. H. 
Executive Director 
Sex Information and Education 

Council of the U.S. 

New York, New York 


The worst possible consequence of the 
Supreme Court’s decisions on obscenity 
would be if publishers of books and mag- 
azines and producers and exhibitors of 
movies and plays were to react by censor- 
ng themselves. ‘The best response would 
be to proceed as if the Court had changed 
nothing. I think the likelihood of crimi 
nal convictions increases every time some. 
one responds to the Supreme Court's 


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PLAYBOY 


58 


decisions by engaging in self-censorship. 
st few years, there has been 
uration in public atritudes 
toward sexually explicit materials. To- 
day, aver mcricans treat the depic 
tion of sex far more casually than do the 
Justices of the U.S. Supreme Court. 
There could be very little that juries will 
regard as “patently offensive” if the 

are properly developed for them by 
attorneys. 

However, if self-censorship sets in and 
the distribution of sexually expl. 
rial is substantially circumscribed, public 
attitudes will regress. Material that de- 
pias sex frankly will then appear out 
landish to juries and criminal convictions 
will result. 

I do not mean to suggest that the bad 
consequences of the Supreme Court's de- 
cisions can be entirely negated by а ven. 
turesome response by publishers and 
producers. The decisions will undoubted 
ly encourage local officials to engage in a 
substantial amount of random mischief, 
My point is simply that the First Amend- 
ment rights—and 1 know of no clause in 
the First Amendment that excludes ob. 
scenity and pornography—thrive wi 
they are used. 

Aryeh Neier, Executive Director 
American Civil Liberties Union 
New York, New York 


a gre: 


American constitutional rights are 
menaced more by the notion that it is the 
Supreme Court's peculiar job to interpret 
ind protect them than by anything else 
This becomes obvious when five m 
four of whom were appointed by Richard 
Nixon, decide that the First Amendment 
doesn't apply to obscenity, that local com- 
munities can decide what is obscene a 

at, in doing so, they may i lev 
dence re the effects of pori phy and, 
instead, rely on assumption, whim and 
prejudice. 

Civil libertarians are under 
indignant over this affront to r 
good legal decision making. Law-and- 
order devotees should be upset as well, 
for the gathering avalanche of fatuous ob- 
scenity cases is likely to keep police, D. A 
and courts much too busy to deal effe 
ely with people involved in real crimes. 

Justice William О. Douglas noted in hi 
minority dissent that the effects of the 
ruling will not be limited to hard-core 
pornography but will sooner or later over- 
take serious literary ic endeav- 
ors as well. It seems that to take away a 
little freedom from a few is to undermine 
the wider freedom guaranteed to all. All 
people who value liberty, therefore, 
must take it upon themselves to reassert 
the Bill of Rights. The Court said that 
obscenity laws are now a matter of local 
option. Fine. Let's put every kind of pres 
sure at our disposal on legislators to enact 
laws that respect and reinforce the First 
Amendment and not give in to the 


ndably 
son and 


id а 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 
a survey of events related lo issues raised by “the playboy philosophy" 


OREGON DECRIMINALIZES POT 
SALEM. oRFGON—Under а new Oregon 
law, possession of up to one ounce of 
marijuana has been reduced from a 
criminal offense to an ordinance “viola- 
tion” punishable by no more than a $100 
fine. The reform measure represents the 
first time a state has moved to decriminal- 
ize pot, although possession of more than 
an ounce still constitutes a misdemeanor 
or a felony, depending on the amount. 


CRIME BUSTERS 

OXNARD, CALIFORNIA— Tenants’ 
plaints have forced Oxnard police to turn 
in their master keys that would open any 
apartment in the city's low-income hous- 
ing projects. The keys had been issued by 
the Oxnard Housing Authority to reduce 
the cost of replacing doors smashed by 


com- 


Officers searching for crime suspects or 
making drug raids. The police themselves 
didn't care one way or the other about 
having keys, а city commissioner re- 
ported. He said he had discussed the mat- 
ter with the chicf of police and had 
learned that “they would just as soon 
break the doors down." 


NARC! NARC! WHO'S THERE? 

NEW YORK сапун cightweck investi- 
gation by The New York Times has dis- 
closed that mistaken, violent and illegal 
drug raids are not isolated occurrences, as 
the Government has claimed, but have 
happened frequently in the past three 
years. In the Los Angeles area, one police 
officer acknowledged that such “mistakes” 
happen once or twice a month; and in 
Miami, complaints of police harassment 
connected with drug searches are so nu- 
merous that the Legal Services of Greater 


Miami can no longer handle the case load. 
According to the Times, abuses of police 
power and the no-knock laws occur on 
the Federal, state and local levels: “De- 
tails of each raid vary, but generally they 
involve heavily armed policemen, arriving 
at night, often unshaven and in slovenly 
‘undercover’ attire, bashing down the 
doors to a private home or apartment and 
holding the innocent residents at gun 
point while they ransack the house. . . 
Sometimes the agents have warrants and 
identify themselves. Sometimes they do 
not.” Such tactics have resulted in at least 
four deaths, including a policeman who 
was shot by a terrified innocent woman 
whose bedroom door was being brok 
down, and a father who was shot in the 
head while cradling his baby when raid- 
ing officers fired a rifle in a neighboring 
apartment. The newspaper quoted one 
narcolics agent as saying, "I've been on 
200 or so drug raids, and the no-knoch. is 
the scariest. You ask yourself what would 
you do if your door came crashing down 
at three AM. and you had a gun. You'd let 
go, right? Personally, 1 think the danger 
might outweigh the value.” 


GRASS WORRIES BRASS 

WASHINGTON. D.C.—Almost one fourth 
of the Navy's 137-man elite ceremonial- 
guard unit in Washington has been 
transferred to other duties for allegedly 
smoking marijuana. A few weeks ca 
lier, President Nixon's official military 
guard at Camp David and the crew of 
the Presidential yacht, Sequoia, were 
similarly transferred because of suspect- 
ed pot smoking (“Forum Newsfront,” 
eplember). 


DOCTOR-PATIENT PRIVACY 
Prompted by the disclosure that the of- 
fice of Daniel Elisberg's psychiatrist had 
been burglarized in the name of national 
security, two professional organizations 
have expressed alarm at the “steady inza- 
sion” of the rights of psychotherapists and 
their patients. A statement adopted joint- 
ly by the American Psychoanalytic Asso- 
ciation and the American Psychiatric 
Association said the burglary was one 
“outright illegal act” that focuses atten- 
lion on many more subtle threats to 
confidentiality, such as subpoenas of psy- 
chiatric records, FBI requests for informa- 
tion on patients, public access to detailed 
computerized records and questions about 
psychiatric сате on job and college appli- 
cations. The presidents of both groups 
called on psychiatrists and therapists lo 
resist attempts to invade the doclor- 
patient relationship, but pointed out that 
unlike clergymen and lawyers, doctors do 


not have an inviolable privilege to protect 
information relating to the treatment or 
counseling of patients. 


DON’T SIGN ANYTHING 

VIENNA, AUSIRIA—A man is being tried 
on charges of adultery because he play- 
fully drew a cartoon figure on his married 
girlfriend's buttock—and then signed it. 
His mistress failed to wash off the drawing 


before she undressed later in front of her 
husband, who immediately recognized the 
cartoonist’s signature and filed a criminal 
complaint. 


DIVORCE MADE EASY 
srocknotm—The Swedish parliament 
has revised the national divorce law to 
permit instant divorce јог couples with 
no children under 16 years of age. For 
couples with younger children, the wait- 
ing period has been reduced to three 
months. The new divorce law has the 
effect of putting marriage in almost the 
same category as voluntary cohabitation, 
which in Sweden is legal for adults. 


HANDSHAKES AND HAND JOBS 

NEW YORK сіту slate supreme court 
justice has declared New York City's new 
amti-massage-parlor law unconstitutional 


because of vagueness. The law was sup- 
posed to close down parlors offering cus- 
tomers masturbation and other sexual 
acts, but Justice Martin B. Stecher found 


the language so broad “that any human 
contact more intimate than a handshake 
falls within its proscription.” He said the 
terms of the statute could be construed to 
include barbers and manicurists. 


LONG WAY TO CO 
BLOOMINGTON, INDIANA—Despile the 
gay liberation efforts of recent years, ho- 
mosexuality appears still to be strongly 
and widely disapproved of in the United 
States. In а four-year study by the Insti- 
tute for Sex Research at Indiana Uni- 
versity, 3000 adults were asked, among 
other questions, “To what extent do you 
think homosexuality is obscene and vul- 
gar?" Almost two thirds of the espond- 
ents answered “very much,” 18.6 percent 
replied “somewhat,” 7.4 percent said 
“very little” and 7.5 percent said "not at 
all.” When asked to compare prostitution, 
masturbation, premarital and extramari- 
tal sex and homosexuality, respondents 
found the last two most objectionable 
(86 percent in each case) and objected 
least to masturbation (48 percent) and 
premarital sex by an adult male with a 
woman he loved (47 percent). 
Correlating attitudes with back- 
grounds, the researchers found that the 
person who is most offended by homosex- 
майу “tends to be a rural, white person 
who was raised in the rural Midwest or 
South... is more likely to claim a current 
religion .. „is less likely to have had any 
childhood sexual experience, especially 
homosexual experience, and has more 
guilt about the laiter when it did occur” 


LIVING IN SIN 

BOULDER, COLORADO—A lieutenant in 
the Boulder police force was suspended 
from duty for six days and demoted 
to patrolman—apparenily because his 
superiors learned he was living with his 
girlfriend. He has sued in district court 
1o recover his rank and back pay, charg- 
ing that his private actions did not violate 
police regulations on “immoral, indecent, 
lewd or disorderly” conduci. 


NOBODY ELSE'S BUSINESS 

NEW YORK CITY—A Stale supreme court 
justice has defied a higher court and ruled 
for the second time that women receiving 
abortions should not be required to have 
their names recorded on fetal death cer- 
tificates. Sticking to his earlier decision, 
which had been returned by an appellate 
court for reconsideration, Justice Samuel 
A. Spiegel said he still could find no good 
reason “to invade the right of privacy by 
compelling disclosure, which is otherwise 
useless in this context.” He added that 
the regulation in question was not dic- 
tated by any law or court decision and 
repeated his belief that an "abortion 
register” of women is morally and legally 
wrong. 


yahoos whose fear of sex drives them to 
impute wickedness to films and publica- 
tions that take an open and honest ap- 
proach to the subject. 


John Douglas 
Atlanta, Georgia 


Tn the welter of words 1 
about the Burger Court's v 
First Amendment, I hope people don't 
overlook Justice William O. Douglas 
veiled thrust in one of his dissents at the 
real obscenity of our times—the 
Administration’s political behavior: 


The list of activities and publica- 
tions and pronouncements that of- 
fend someone is endless. Some of it 
gocs on in private; some of it is 
inescapably public, as when a gov- 
ernment official generates crime, bc- 
comes a blatant offender of the 
moral sensibilities of the people, en- 
gages in burglary, or breaches the 
privacy of the telephone, the confer- 
ence room, or the home. 


ng written 
tion of the 


Daniel Leahy 
Chicago, Ш 


WAVES FROM WATERGATE 

The Watergate scandal proves only 
10 honor among thieves. The 
person: staff, his White 
House staff and his re-election staff are 
abandoning the sinking ship and drag- 
ging one another down in a frenzied 
scramble to survive. Alone on the bridge 
stands Captain Nixon, who, even if 
nocent of personal wrongdoing, d 
whatever fate befalls him for having sur- 
rounded himself with arrogant. power- 
mad liars who have shown contempt for 
the law, justice, civil rights and every- 
thing else this country stands for. A man 
with such bad judgment should not be 
President of t country. 

Edward Hartman 


Pittsburgh, Pennsylvan 
JUDGE OF THE YEAR 
There's a family-court judge in Provi- 


dence. Rhode Island, who apparently has 
never heard of the principle of separa- 
tion of durch and state. An unwed 
mother who was trying to give her three- 
month-old child to an adoption agency 
appeared before this judge, Michael 
DeCi ned that she 
was a ic. He also learned that she 
had not had the infant baptized because 
she had no way of predeterminis 

ligion of the adoptive р 
Catholic," 
ave been taught that a child that isn't 
baptized doesn’t go to heaven; it's in 
limbo." With that statement, he refused 


(On page 60, “The Playboy Forum" 
presents a statement on the U. $. Supreme 
Gourt’s obscenity decisions. Letters con- 
tinued on page 61.) 


59 


It is one of the most amazing things about the ingen- 
iousness of the times that strong arguments ате made, 
which almost convince me, that it is very foolish of me to 
think “no law" means no law. But what it says is “Con- 
gress shall make no law... ." Then 1 move on to the words, 
“abridging the freedom of speech or of the press.” It says 
Congress shall make no law doing that. What it means— 
according to a current philosophy that I do not share—is 
that Congress shall be able to make just such a law unless 
we judges object too strongly. . . . It says “no law" and 
that is what I believe it means. . . . My view is, without 
deviation, without exception, without any ifs, buts or 
whereases, that freedom of speech means that you shall 
not do something to people either for the views they have 
or the views they express or the words they speak or write. 

— The lute HUGO L. BLAC 
Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court 


t was supposed to end years of confusion over 
pornography laws, the U. S. Supreme Court has handed down 
а series of rulings that only further confuse the issue, increase 
the likelihood of injustice and perpetuate the dangerous 
ws can prohibit one particular category of expression 

ing true to the First Amendments guarantee of 
freedom of speech. Acknowledging "the inherent dangers of 
undertaking to regulate any form of expression,” the Court 
limits the material that cin be prohibited to “works which 
depict or describe sexual conduct.” Good reasons should be 
offered for regulating works in this category. Instead, Chief 
Justice Burger's opinions simply assume that there is something 
uely pernicious about sex als, wi ayals 
of violence, say, appear still to enjoy First Amendment. pro- 
tection. This fear of sex is central to the controversy over 
obscenity and censorship; it is nothing less than tragic that it 
alias a majority of the Supreme Court in 1973. 

The Court states that we need not be concerned about any 
loss of basic freedoms. What is prohibited has, by definition, 
no worth, the obscene being confined to that which is “lacking 
in serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value.” But 
uying to delineate valucless communication is like trying to 
bottle fog. The Burger opinions use such terms as prurient, 
offensive, lewd, lacking in serious value—which are words 
about words, over whose meaning people will wrangle till 
doomsday. The obscene is a subjective concept, € only 
in the minds of the beholders, and there are no unambiguous 
words to define it. The Court admits as much by acknowledging 
that different standards for prurience and offensiveness exist 
in different communities. If it had gone one step further and 
conceded that such differences exist in individuals—that there 
are ultimately 200,000,000 qualified judges of obscenity in the 
U.S. and that cach has a right to his opinion—we might have 
had decisions that made sense. 

As it stands, however, the new communitystandards test 
will do unlimited mischief to all legitimate national publishers, 
who will be forced to meet the most conservative common 
denominators for sexual materials or face constant Litigation 
at the whin prosecutors. M le, the manufac- 
turers of hard-core pornography will continue selling their 
material to limited audiences in large cities, which have more 
liberal standards than the country at large. 

The Court doesn’t even try to justify this limiting of personal 
freedom on the grounds that pornography is demonstrably 


that J 


of loca 


w 


A “Playboy Forum” Editorial Statement 


THE COURT AND OBSCENITY 


dangerous. In 1970, after the most comprehensive study ever 
made of the effects of sexually explicit materials, the national 
Commission on Obscenity and Pornography concluded: 


Tn sum, empirical research designed to clarify the ques 
tion has found no evidence to date that exposure to explicit 
sexual materials plays a significant role in the causation 
of delinquent and criminal behavior among youth or 
adults. The commission cannot conclude that exposure to 
erotic materials is a factor in the causation of sex crime or 
sex delinquency. 


The Court simply ignored this commission finding and resorted 
Instead to medieval reasoning: 


ied, there is no scientific data which con- 
dusively demonstrates that exposure to obscene mate 
adversely affects men and women or their society. 
reject this argumer From the beginning of civilized 
societies, legista па judges have acted on various u 
provable 


Indeed they hi 
to justify huma 
racism and 


ave been used 


nprovable assumptions 1 
n sacrifice, slavery, the burning of witches, 
number of other barbarities chat men in their 
ignorance have imposed on one another by force of law. But 
this may be the first time a U.S. Supreme Court has so openly 
endorsed the basing of laws on whim, prejudice or theological 
notions. Ironically the Court rejected this same fallacy—that 
believing something ma g that the state cannot. 
prohibit abortions on moral or theological grounds. 

The greatest harm done by the Supreme Court's obscenity 
decisions will not be that people will lose access to hard-core 
pomography—although we believe that such access is, despite 
these decisions, constitutional right. More serious is the re 
stricting effect the decisions will have on all the arts and the 
media of entertainment and information. Michigan attorney 
general Frank J. Kelley was quick to warn: "This really sets 
us back in the Dark Ages. Now prosecuting attorneys in every 
county and мше will be grandstanding and every jury in 
every little community will have a crack at each new book, play 

nd movie.” Sherifis, police chiefs, district attorneys and other 
public guardians already are moving against works that by no 
stretch of the imagination can be called hard-core pornography. 
Justice Douglas’ dissenting prediction that the decisions “would 
make it possible to ban any paper or any journal or magazine 
in some benighted place” has come true. The "raids on 
lib " he warns about probably won't be [ar behind. 

It’s understandable that many Americans are frightened by 
the transition to greater freedom of sexual expression in 
recent years. By both Jaw and long tradition, sex and sin are 
practically synonymous in this country. But fearful people 
could have been protected from offense by the adequate en- 
forcement of existing laws prohibiting the sale of sexually 
explicit material to minors and the public display or un- 
solicited mailing of pornography. It’s also true that the com- 
mercial exploitation of sex has its ugly aspects, but chielly 
because sexuality has so long been subject to official suppression 
in our society. The public has never had the opportu 
to develop standards of good taste i 
to enforce them in a free market. Now it may be another 
generation before American society discovers the positive con- 
tribution sexual candor can make to this culture when it is 
finally permitted to join the mainstream of expression. 


permission for the child to be given to 


-old girl 
was brought into Judge DeC г court 
for violating Rhode Island's law that 
kes sexual intercourse outside mar- 
offense. The girl was de- 
r as being an 
t from a good home. She 
g sexual intercourse with her 
nd and had told 
her mother, who gave her permission to 
obtain birth-control pills. The mother re- 
etted the fact that her daughter had 
begun sexual activity at such an сапу age 
but felt t ging contraception was 
more intelligent than shutting her ey 

"] don't go for it,” Judge DeCiantis 
said. “A 11-year-old gil taking the pill so 
she can go out and do this kind of мш; 
we coming to, anyway?" He de 
is opposition to giving “children” 
birth-control pills and told the mother, 
"This kind of activity is horrible. It was 
bad judgment on your part." He conclud- 
ed, “It's а very bad 
thing. Мете pi g down 
girlhood; that’ were doing" He 
sentenced the girl to a year on probation, 
I's so much better, I suppose. for a 14- 
arold gi 


س رور SS,‏ 


to become an 
Thoi е 
Boston, Massachusetts 


yea 


i= 


THE UGLY MALE 
I'm a woman who would like to be able Б: 25796 

to take ап occasional walk without leel- s " 

the need for " 

stantly 


bodyguard. I am con- 
. yelled at, whistled a 
offere owed, honked at, mur 
bled to. smirked at and insulted. Any: 
thing, it seems, but a genuinely friendly 
the rare of | When the W 
The offenders are | moment is worth V 
though none of them are what 1 remembering — V 
would call men. As any woman can tell | enjoy a cigar that's | 
you, a real man worthy of a woman's at- | hard to forget. 
tention will not make an ass of himself on | A long, slender, 
the street. И he really has it, he doesn’t | mild-tasting A&C 
have to force it on anyone. Сгепаег 

sheryl Buc D You're ahead in 
Nashville, Tennessee | flavor with A&C's 
unique blend of 
choice imported 


and domestic. 
the July | tobaccos. Youre 
псп are noe bio. | a lable with | 
nt | EL Steen. ahead 
n with the fact of women's greater | де Grenadier 


orgasmic capacity. But a physiological ca- | Op try Panatola 
bility per se doesn't determine whether J р 


or not one is monogamous or promiscuous. Saper OES &C Cr, dı 
It only produces predisposition “on eh ‘SS aT АЕК. A renat lier. 
: Real flavor, quality tobaccos 


and a great shape 
keep Grenadiers up front. 


pout three per block. 
all mal 


MONOGAMY BY CHOICE 

Pepper Schw argu 
female monogamy published i 
Playboy Forum are spe 
ple, she says that “W 


men and women, that are then 
by culture and experience. 
Miss Schwartz also infers Irom wom- 
en's multiorgasmic capacity a "probably" 
stronger sex drive than men’s and. from 
this, concludes that wom 


not gett i Anton AR 
that “It might be more reasonable to have | Look ahead. Buy the box. 


PLAYBOY 


62 


several lovers than to expect one man to 
satisfy all of one’s needs.” Unless she 
means that a woman should have as many 
men on hand during a given lovemaking 
session as the number of orgasms of which 
she’s capable, I don't see how this follows 
at all. 

She bemoans the sexual double stand- 
rd. As far as I can tell, it probably still 
exists for some men, but I know a lot of 
them who admit that women can enjoy 
berated sexuality as much as their own 
(the women's) personal standards and 
temperament allow. I also know many 
men who are delighted that their wives 
find sex as enjoyable as they (the men) do. 

Miss Schwartz says that “Women don't 
have a strong model of female sexuality 
that entitles them to as much freedom as 
men." Freedom is not a matter of having 
а model to imitate but rather of being 
ble to make choices. One of those choices 
is monogamy, and choosing it certainly 
need not imply bondage to a doublestand 
lany more than it necessarily means 
that the partners afraid 
of sexual adventure. My husband and I 
have chosen mutual fidelity freely and 
without coercion or undue deference to 
anybody's standards but our own. We sce 
the choice as a true reflection of ourselves 
and of a life style that we wish to live; we 
do not sce it as a form of denial, We feel 
c liberated. 
About the only thing Schwartz says that 
shows any tolerance is her last sentence: 
ome women will find nonmonogamous 
sexual styles more in keeping with their 
desires.” Fine. 1 agree. But that doesn't 
necessitate sweeping generalizations about 
all women, implying that those who 
choose monogamy have failed to respond 
10 the аз women or to the free 
dom the sexual revolution has afforded. 

Mrs. W. O'Keefe 
Boston, Massachusetts 


ature 


RAPE BY INVITATION 

English rape case reported in a 
U.S. bar journal raises issues that 
would baflle a metaphysician. Briefly, 
the complainant, a girl of 18, was sleep 
ing unelothed by an open window. 
The defendant disrobed outside, climbed 
through the window and had intercourse 
with her, while she believed him to be 
her boyfriend. Only afterward did she sus- 
pect that he was somebody else and turn 
on the light. 

Both sides agreed that when the young 
man was looking through. the window, 
the girl had sat up in bed and held out 
to him in a welcoming fashion. 
aw then became whether or 
invitation" excused his crime. 
Of course, force is not necessary to prove 
гаре; a man is guilty of statutory rape if 
he deliberately makes a woman drunk or 
drugs her to obtain sexual acquiescence, 
if he acts while she is asleep or if he de- 
ceives her in the dark by pretending to be 
one she loves. Nevertheless, there is usual- 


"cut evidence 


ly no crime if there is cl 
of invitation by the wont 

The original trial convicted the de- 
fendant of burglary under a section of the 
law that makes it a crime to enter a house 
as a trespasser with intent to commit any 

ime, including rape. When the case was 
ied. however, the issue narrowed 
down to whether or not he had begun 
trespassing at the time the open-armed in- 
vitation was rendered. The defendant 
was admittedly clutching the window 
Was he outside the house and thus bi 


ng 


invited in, or was he already in the house 
s already a tresp 


and th ser and a crimi- 
nal when the girl's gesture was made 

The defendant was released, although 
the Lord Justice commented that the 
legal point on which he overturned 
the conviction was "as narrow may be 
as the window sill which is crucial in 
this case. 


Howard Messing. 
Attorney at Law 
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 


ANIMAL HUSBANDRY 

Ive never written to a magazine be- 
fore and I do so now only because The 
Playboy Forum doesn't seem to condemn 
sexual behavior that many people con- 
sider perverted or unnatural. I'm 24, and 
I grew up in à rural comm 


casionally engaged in sexual intercourse 
with farm animals. This was a group 
thing, be animals (in this ca 
goats) don’t willingly hold still for sex, 
except maybe with the right a 
When J entered college, I soon le: 
that sex with animals is not only illegal 
but is considered a perversion that would 
never appeal to a sexually normal man. I 
think I am sexually normal, because now 
nterests are only іп women. 
e, and 1 got involved in 
imals only as a substitute for 
ted some local girls. but T 
couldn't make them hold still long 
enough to do anything. Now. however, Î 
keep wondering if what I used to do may 
indicate some basic sexual abnormality 
I'm unwilling to admit to myself. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Dallas, Texas 
The way you describe your experiences 
sounds like you participated in cultural 
conformity more than bestiality, Laws 
and popular opinion do nol dictate what 
is perverse sexual behavior. I's the 
thought that counts. 


my sexual 


girls. I d 


GYNECOLOGIC MYTHS 


ce I disagree with many of my sisters 
in the women’s liberation movement 


about rrAynov and since I feel that you 
are basically nd honest, 1 am wi 
to you about one example of how male 
dominance leads to bias and scientific 
accuracy. I refer to the field of gynecolo- 
where 93.4 percent of all practitioners 
the United States are male. The result 


of this imbalance is that gynecologic 
textbooks are rile with scientific errors. 

This is not just an idle assertion. Writ- 
ing in the American Journal of Sociology 
na Scully and Pauline Bart report 
that they examined 27 general gyne- 
cology texts published in the United 
States since 1943. Here are some of their 
findings: 

Two of the four texts published before 
Kinsey's did not even index female sex 
lity: women in general were then as 
sumed to be more or less frigid. Two texts 
even counseled the gynecologist to teach 
nts to fake orgasm. 
As late as 1965, many te 
corporated Kinsey's 

insisting that the vagi 
the clitoris. 
ven after the work of Masters and 
Johnson, eight current gynecologic texts 
continue to assert that the male’s sex drive 
is stronger than the female's. (Over the 
past two decades, at least half of the texts 
have stated that the male's sex drive is 
suonper.) 

To quote Miss Scully and. Miss Bart 
“Gynecologists, our society's official ex 
perts on women, think of themselves as 
the woman’s friend. With friends 1 
that, who needs enemies?” 

Let me state explicidy that I do 
gree with feminist writers who c 
there is something innately wrong with 
le mind. Because T reject that 
st claim, I think this study proves 
the philosophical case for women's liber 
tion. Removing experimental bias is the 
hardest part of scientific discipline, and 
such bias can never be removed when the 
research and the writing of textbooks are 
934 percent monopolized by one group, 
whatever group that is and howew 
much good will it possesses. The case is 
especially absurd in gynecology, but isn’t 
it likely that male domination of psychol: 
ogy or history or anthropology or апу 
other subject, induding office: manag 
ment, creates equally ridiculous one- 
sidedness? 


ts had not yet 
and were 
as sensi 


SEXUAL BIGOTRY 
The Manchester New 
Union Leader published 
torial by its 
tor in chiel, B. J. McQuaid, titled “Boot 
the Pansies Out of UNH.” The ed 
rial excoriated the University of New 
Hampshire's board of trustees for voting 
10 recognize a campus gay libera 
ganization. McQuaid's remarks included 
these choice bit 


Hampshire 
front-page edi- 


ion or- 


We had hoped, 
great confidence, th 
would crack down hard on university 
raged these pansies 


and f 
Any student, male or female, who 
(concluded on page 192) 


10729 5-0 оТ. O ы" 


/ f 
/ 
| 


\ 


Chantilly 


HOUBIGANT 


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Q PIONEER” 


when you want something better 


mrs PE TE ROZELLE 


a candid conversation with the hard-nosed commissioner of the national football league 


For the past 13 years, the ever-profita- 
ble and ever-growing National Football 
League has been ruled adroitly by Pete 
Rozelle, ап outwardly unobtrusive 47- 
year-old who has quietly managed to be- 
come the most powerful sports czar of the 
century. With а well-deserved reputation 
for being slicker than greasy kid stuf], he 
has not only upgraded the image of pro 
football but presided over the elevation 
of the sport to a financial plateau that 
would once have been considered unimag- 
inable. Last season, the 26 N. F. L. teams 
played before an alltime high of more 
than 15,000,000 fans—and cut up a tele- 
vision pie of approximately $15,000,000. 
Since Rozelle’s appointment as league 
commissioner, pro football has replaced 
baseball as our national pastime, and such 
is the sport's popularity that in many 
N.F. L. cities, the only way to acquire a 
season ticket ts 10 have one willed to you. 

When Rozelle took office in 1960, how- 
ever, the pro grid scene was less than a bo 
nanza for all concerned. Only 12 teams 
were then in existence, games were not 
automatically S.R.O. and some clubs were 
bringing in as little as $75,000 а sea- 
son in TV rights. But as Rozelle him- 
self is quick to point out, the sport 
had reached a threshold of accelerated 
growth and would undoubtedly have 
prospered with or without his leadership. 
Still, the N.F. L. has been faced with a 


number of crucial problems during his 
term as commissioner, and Rozelle has 
almost always seemed. to have the right 
answer at the right time—whether the 
Subject was expansion, merger with the 
American Football League, establish- 
ment of the Super Bowl or the decision 
to televise games on all three national 
networks, 

But although both №. Е. L. team own- 
ers and players ave making more money 
than they ever did before he took over, 
the two warring factions seem to be ap- 
preciating Rozelle less and less. Says 
former AlLPro Bernie Parrish, “The 
number of half-truths and deceiving 
statements that Rozelle has handed the 
players over the years would be hard 
10 count.” And a recent poll conduct 
ed by the N.F.L. Players Association 
showed that more than 90 percent of ac- 
tive pros feel that Rozelle's decisions gen- 
erally favor owners interesis; there's 
no denying that he has helped the aver- 
age М. F.L. franchise multiply in value 
by 500 percent since he assumed office. 
But the owners, for their part, believe 
that the commissioner is becoming too 
independent for his own good. The N. 
York Giants’ Wellington Mara has lil 
ened Rozelle to an “iron hand in a 
velvet glove,’ and Dallas Cowboys bank 
roller Clint Murchison claims, “He has 
milquetoast all aver his high hand.” 


“Squabbling in public will cventually 
ruin football; there’s no doubt it’s hurt- 
ing us already, Polls taken by Louis 
Harris—polls as valid as any political 
polls—indicale that very clearly.” 


“The most difficult owner for me was the 
late George Marshall of Washington. He 


would say to me: ‘The Redskins will have 
a black when Abe Saperstein has a white 
on the Harlem Globetrotters?” 


Rozelle hardly relishes such talk, but he 
understands that it comes with the terri- 
tory—a territory he had no real reason 
to expect would ever be his to oversee. 
Nicknamed Pete at the age of five by 
an uncle, Alvin Ray Rozelle grew up in 
Lynwood, California, a Los Angeles sub- 
urb. After high school and a two-year 
Nawy tour, he attended Compton Junior 
College and then the University of San 
Francisco, where he received his B. A. in 
1950. While a student, Rozelle was the 
school’s athleticnews director and, upon 
graduation, was hired as USF's assist- 
ant athletic director, a post he held for 
two years. In 1952, Rozelle became the 
Los Angeles Rams’ publicity director (at 
а starting salary of 85500), but after 
three years, he quit to go into the more 
profitable field of corporate public rela- 
lions. By 1957, he was back with the 
Rams—this time as general manager, at 
a salary of 525,000 a year. N.F. L. com- 
missioner Bert Bell had recommended. 
him for the job because he felt Rozelle 
could tactfully untangle a complicated 
and bitter ownership dispute then rag- 
ing among Ram stockholders. Rozelle 
smoothed things out as expeditiously as 
advertised, but his over-all performance 
as LA's general manager was hardly 
memorable. Although he made the club 
a good deal of money by introducing 
such souvenir junk as Ram sweat shirts, 


HERB GORO 


“Alex Karras was very upset about being 
suspended, cven though he had been bet- 
ting on games. Karras has a great sense of 
humor and he kids me, but it’s donc on 
the square: He's not an admirer of mine.” 


65 


PLAYBOY 


66 


Ram cocktail glasses and Ram seat cush- 
ions, the team’s scouting department 
somehow disappeared under his aegis, 
along with seven Ram players and a 
Ram draft choice in an exchange for 
overthehill Chicago Cardinal halfback 
Ollie Matson—one of the most spec- 
tacularly lousy trades in the annals of the 
N.F.L. But despite the fact that the 
team went nowhere when he was running 
it, the young G.M.'s obvious intelli- 
gence and sense of diplomacy impressed 
the N.F. L.'s fat cats, and Rozelle be- 
came the league's commissioner—at a 
five-figure salary—soon after the death of 
Bell. 

Al the height of pro football's popular- 
ity—if not of the man who runs it—we 
decided to send Lawrence Linderman to 
talk with Rozelle in Scottsdale, Arizona, 
where the commissioner and the le 
team owners had gathered for a series of 
meetings. Reports Linderman: "Over the 
past few years, I've talked to several 
N.F.L. players and sports journalists 
about Rozelle, and I fully expected him 
to be the silken, almost dilettantish dude 
they portrayed. But the image in no way 
does justice to the man, and I think the 
same probably holds true of the way he 
photographs; the many pictures Гос seen 
of Rozelle—maybe it's his chin—always 
gave me the impression oj a man afraid 
to come out from behind his contract 
clauses. Well, Rozelle in person is a lot 
gutticr—and carthier—than that. In fact, 
his speech is far more gravelly than befits 
a skillful media manipulator—which he 
is—and he could casily pass for one of 
those underworld gamblers he spends so 
much time publicly decrying. But he's 
also given to wearing white loafers, chain- 
smoking Vantage cigarettes and eating at 
restaurants like ‘2P and The Forum, And 
he's meticulously careful about what he 
says in public, As he sees it, any offhand 
criticism of an owner, player, official, 
weather condition or stadium hot dog 
might not be in the best interests of the 
league and, whatever he may feel person- 
ally, Rozelle almost always thinks first 
about the best interests of the league. He 
keeps his ego on an equally tight rein, 
and E personally think that's a shame, but 
maybe thai's none of my business. It was 
my business, however, to delve into the 
commissioner's methods of handling the 
many problems currently plaguing pro 
football, so we began our conversation 
on that note.” 


PLAYBOY: Although professional football 
has reached unprecedented heights of 
popularity under your direction, the 
sport has been marked in recent years by 
acrimony between pl 
ers, and you've bee 


d team own- 
accused of trying to 
suppress public awareness of such dis- 
agreements. Ts that true? 

ROZELLE: Yes, it is, (ise T think squab- 


us already. Polls taken for the league by 
Louis Harris—polls as valid as any po- 
litical polls—indicate that very clearly. 
Which comes as no great surprise to me, 
for I strongly believe that sports are an. 
emotional outlet, just as television 
motion pictures are. Considering wi 
Americans have been confronted wi 
the last ten years, domestically and inter- 
nationally, its clear that we need emo- 
tional outlets; we have to have some 
peace from our problems. I'm not daim- 
ing that football is the nation’s salvation 
n this area, but it's one of them, one little 
thing that apparently has captured the 
imagination of a large sector of our so- 
ciety. But when football can't be a rela 
tively pure outlet, a fun thing, then it 
hurts itself, People are interested in pro 
football because i it provides them with 
emotional they don't want (0001 
to get involved in the same types of court. 
ses, racial problems and legislative 
issues they encounter in the rest of Am 
can life. I'm not saying that the press is 
wrong to report any internal differences 
we have, but at the same time, I think it's 
our job to keep them from becoming pub- 
lic issues, for anything that detracts from 
the purely athletic aspects of the sport is 
bad for us. IE we end up giving our 
me the same problematical coloration 
as the rest of the news, I don't think we'll 
be the popular escape valve we are now 
PLAYBOY: Is it realistic to think you can 
convince the public that you're presiding 
over nothing more than a “fun” sport 
when the N. F. L. is involved in making 
daily business decisions about such trou- 
blesome matters as salary disputes, drug. 
scandals, film and television rights, prod- 
uct endorsements and the like? 
ROZELLE: I think it's a realistic goal, but 
we've certainly been unsuccessful in 
hieving it. 
PLAYBOY: One of the obvious reasons for 
that failure is your own standing with the 
players, who feel that your decisions gen- 
erally favor team owners—and they feel 
that way primarily because the commi 
sioner is hired solely by the owners. 
Would you like to see that changed? 
ROZELLE: I don't know if 1300 pla 
could really participate in the selection of 
à commissioner, and I've never given it a 
great deal of thought. I think it's а logical 
point they could make, but it's only an ac- 
ademic one. Rather than saying that the 
commissioner is hired by the owners and 
therefore is subservient to them, you have 
10 look at whether or not the players are 
getting a fair shake. I feel that the com- 
missioner's role is to balance the interests 
of the sport’s three elements: the fans, the 
players and the owners. If any one ої 
these three has too much of a good thing, 
опе or both of the others would almost in- 


evitably suffer, and you'd have а break- 


down in self-government, That hasn't 
happened, and I feel it's because Ive 
balanced the interests of all three very 
conscientiously. 


PLAYBOY. Even if thats true, what's to 
prevent your eventual successor from 
being susceptible to owner domination, 
which is the rule rather than the excep- 
п among sports commissioners? 
ROZELLE: Two things: a strong league con- 
stitution stronger 
ince I inherited it, and a great deal of 
confidence that's been built into the of- 
fice—also something I inherited when I 
succeeded the late Bert Bell in office. The 
N. F. L's expansion has also strength- 
ened the commissioner's hand. During 
most of Bell's term of office, the league 
1 12 teams: there now аге 26, which 
makes it much easicr for a commissioner 
to operate. In the old days, when three or 
four clubs would get upset with Commis 
sioner Bell—and I used to discuss this 
with him—it was a major problem. But 
with 26 teams, if four, five or six owncrs 
are upset with me, it doesn't bother me at 
all, other than personally; І don’t like 
people to be angry at me. But that doesn't. 
affect how I can operate the office, because 
the larger the number of teams, the less 
pressure you feel from any one of them. 
For those reasons, I [eel that whoever 
follows me will inherit even more than I 
did from Bell 

PLAYBOY: When you were hired by the 
N. F. L in 1960, you were generally un- 
known and hadn't previously been con- 
sidered a candidate for commissioner. 
How did you land the job? 

ROZELLE: I got it strictly because of circum- 
stance. Commissioner Bell had passed 
away in October 1959 and in January, the 
12 N. F. L. clubs met in Miami to pick a 
successor. I was general manager of the 
Los Angeles Rams and I was there voting 
on behalf of the team along wi te 
Dan Reeves, who was then president of 
the Rams. For seven days, we sat in the 
Kenilworth Hotel trying to select a new 
commissioner, and after 22 ballots, we 
were still a long way from coming up with 
one. There just seemed to be irreconcila- 
ble differences of opinion as to both the 
type of commissioner wanted by the 
teams and the specific individuals who'd 
been proposed, and an impasse had devel- 
oped. Finally, at the close of a frustrating 
afternoon session, Paul Brown of the 
Cleveland Browns and Wellington Mai 
of the New York Giants took me aside 
and said they were going to propose me. 
That surprised me, because at that point, 
I really didn't know either man. 

PLAYBOY: Why did they want you, then? 
ROZELLE: I guess because I'd been so timid 
through all of the arguing that I hadn't 
antagonized them. That's the only thing 
1 could figure out, because the proceed- 
ings had been highly emotional and every 
person considered for the job had really 
been cut up in discussion; I didn't want 
10 be a party to that. Neither did 1 want 
to be an object of that, so I told Brov 
and Mara, "Look, I'm just a 33-year-old 
kid from Los Angeles, and thinking of me 
as commissioner just doesn't make any 


that’s become even 


sense. I'd prefer not to be proposed. 
"They told me to just keep qui 
they were going to nominate 
and they did, at the next session. I was 
asked to leave the room, because it might 
prove embarrassing to hear myself dis- 
cussed. I was glad to get out, but when I 
did, a crowd of sportswriters was wait 
right outside the door, so I went into the 
men’s room—and stayed there. 
time someone walked in, I'd wash my 
hands until he left. 

At last, someone came to tell me I'd 
been selected as commissioner, which 
gave rise to the line that I took the job 
with clean hands. I was then taken down- 
s to a press conference, and the re- 
porters were as surprised as I was. The 
first question was put to me by Louis Ef- 
frat of The New York Times, who said, 
“Mr. Rozelle, would you consider your- 
self a compromise selection?" Everyone 
in the room broke up, including me. ОЁ 
course, if I'd known what I'd be fac- 
ing when I took the job, I don't think 
I'd have been laughing. I'd have been 
terrified. 

PLAYBOY: Why? Was the commission- 
ers job so different from what you'd 
envisioned? 
ROZELLE: Actually, because I was hired so 
quickly, I didn't have time to envision 
anything. But I certainly didn't foresee 
some of the carly problems I'd have to 
deal with, particularly the $10,000,000 an- 
titrust suit that was filed against us by the 
American Football League shortly alter I 
got back from Miami. 
PLAYBOY: What w: of that suit? 
ROZELLE: The N. F. L. had expanded to in- 
dude teams in Dallas and Minneapol 
the A. F.L. had also been considering 
having teams in those citics and claimed 
that our franchises in Dallas and Minne- 
apolis were established just to kill off their 
league. They first went to the Justice De- 
partment, hoping it would file an action 
against us, and when that failed to hap- 
pen, they filed a civil antitrust suit. That 
gave me my first real experience in deal- 
ing with the team owners. At least half of 
them made strong recommendations as to 
which attorney should defend the league, 
nd in every case it turned out to be their 
own club lawyer. I decided to seek out- 
side counsel instead, and did—and we 
won the case. 
PLAYBOY: Onc of your biggest assets as 
commissioner has been your surprising 
ility to persuade team owners—who 
m't known for being the most tractable 
of men—to go along with you on key de- 
isions affecting the N.F. 1. How have 
you been able to manage that? 
ROZELLE: I think the big th 
going for me in that regard has been the 
success of the league I don't have quite as 
much control over things as people be- 
lieve, so I frequently receive more credit 
than I deserve, and occasionally more 
icism as well. Pro football was taking 
off when I became commissioner, and 


when a sport's successful and you're i 
chief executive officer, much of the cred 
flows to you and you develop a good track 
record. That gives you tremendous lever- 
age when you sit down with people and 
patiently try to change their opinion on 
given issuc. In dealing with owners, J 
think the most important thing to do 
keep them from painting themselves into 
а corner. When you need a couple more 
votes on something, you want to avoid 
a situation where individuals say, “I'll 
never do this!" When that happens, it 
takes a complete backdown for a man to 
come around to your side of an argument, 
which is difficult to accomplish, because 
the owners are all proud men. If that 
kind of situation doesn’t arise, it's casier 
for the owners to change their minds. If 
they want to. 

PLAYBOY: Which N.F.L. team owners 
have been the most difficult for you to 
deal with? 

ROZELLE: The most difficult owner for me 
was the late George Marshall of the 
Washington Redskins. He was a very col- 
orful man, and he was also very, very 
strong-willed, a quality I suppose you'd 
have to say he was famous for. Marshall 
always made me feel like a boy when I 
was around him, and that was true even 
when there were serious issues between 
us. 

PLAYBOY: Did your run-ins with Marshall 
rcvolve around his policy of not hiring 
black football players? 

ROZELLE: That's onc of them. The Red- 
skins, then the most southerly team in the 
league, had always been identified as a 


Dixie team. They'd never had a Negro 
player and it had become a kind of team 
tradition. That had always been their 


pattern, and Marshall personally found 
it difficult to make a change; at least that 
was the impression he gave me. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think he was a racist? 
ROZELE I don't know what he was; I 
didn't get into that kind of discussi 
with him, because I wanted to change 
that situation, not irritate it. I can't tell 
you what was inside Marshall, except to 
say that his team had a particular tradi- 
tion. He would explain it with one irrev- 
“The Redskins will have a 
Abe Saperstein has a white on 


people like Edward Bennett W 
also talked to him about it. Ed was a close 
friend of his and was doing legal work for 

ship 


M nd eventually he got own 
in the club. The fact that the Redskins 
didn't hire black players embarrassed 
d, made absolutely no sense to him, 
ind I know he talked to Marshall about 
it. In the discussions I had with Mar- 
shall, I softly tried to point out that he 
was creating a problem for the league and, 
in a practical way, a problem for the 
Redskins as well, who weren't successful 


during that period, because they were 
miting the talent on their team. Our 
talks were oblique and 1 only made sug- 
gestions to him, because I didn't want 
him to get his back up and say, “This is 
my football team and ГЇЇ run it any w 
I damn well please.” Quietly, we were 
able to get that policy changed. 
PLAYBOY: Although those Redskin teams 
were the most blatant examples of racism 
in modern pro football, many black 
players feel that Jim Crow is still alive in 
the N. F. L. One of their main ch arges is 
that N. F. L. t 
signing blacks in disproportionate num- 
bers to certain positions, such as running 
back, and excluding them from playing 
other positions, such as quarterback. 
ROZELLE: The charge of stacking has no 
validity and, as far as black quarterbacks 
are concerned, the N. F. L. has had more 
than many people realize. George Talia- 
rro was p ily a running back, but 
he played some quarterback for the New 
York Yanks and Baltimore Colts in the 
early Fifties. Willie Thrower was with the 
Bears in 1953, and Charley Brackins with 
cen Bay in 1955; Marlin Briscoe started 
five games with Denver in 1968; Jim 
Harris started the '69 season as Buffalo's 
regular quarterback; John Walton played 


is 


in preseason games for the Rams last 
, primarily a punter, has 


year; Dave Lew 
played quarterback for Cincinnati; Joe 
Gilliam was a backup quarterback for 
Pittsburgh last year; and Karl Douglas 
was given a good trial as the Colts’ quar- 
terback in 1971-1972. My own conclusion 
оп the subject of black quarterbacks is 
this: The black N. F. L. quarterbacks I've 
mentioned came, for the most part, from 
small black colleges, where they didn't face 
major college game competition. Also, it's 
likely that the colleges they played for 
didn't have the money to hire large coach- 
ing staffs, and so they weren't taught to 
lay the position as completely as quarter- 
cks at major colleges. These are the 
basic reasons, and I think anything to the 
contrary is fallacious. 

PLAYBOY: Is the charge of stacking really 
all that fallacious when you consider 
that there's never been a black starting 
center in the N. F. L? 

ROZELLE: I can't honestly see that a cen- 
ter’s function is that much different from 
other positions on the line, so I really 
can't explain it. I'd like to talk to more 
people about it. But I do know that 
black publications report that close to 40 
percent of the league's players last year 
were black, which is very high, I think, in 
comparison to the black percentage of the 
national population. 

PLAYBOY: We're not disputing the fact 
that there are a great many black players 
in the N. F. L; we're talking about what 
appears to be racial exclusion at the posi- 
tions of quarterback and center, and this 
isalso true at middle linebacker. 

ROZELE: Actually, middle iebacker 
might be similar to quarterback in that 


67 


PLAYBOY 


small-college coaching staffs—which teach 
well below the pro level—have put black 
athletes at a disadvantage. 

PLAYBOY: If that's the case, why wouldn't 
black wide receivers, tackles and running 
backs be similarly handicapped? 
ROZELLE: I think that a quarterback and a 
linebacker require more educa i 
technical and mental skills than 
other positions. In a smallcollege situa- 
tion, players just won't get the football 
education they need to make the N. F. L, 
just as а student at a smaller-stalfed 
School isn't going to get the same educi- 
tion that a black or a white student will 
get ata university that has more money to 
spend on teachers. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think all this stems from 
the fact that, until recently, most major. 
colleges excluded blacks from playing cer- 
tain positions? 

ROZELLE: ] don't know enough about the 
colleges to comment on that. But I would 
think there's no reason for stacking. After 
all, you can only keep so many pla 
and if you're stacking at a single posit 
someone's going to have to go—and then 
a rival team can end up with an out 
standing football player. And no coach 
wants that. If you've got a good football 
player, you want to use him. 

PLAYBOY: Surely you don't think such ra 
Cal egalitarianism has been prevalent i 
certain college conferences until recent- 
ly—or do you? 

ROZELLE: "The important thing is that 
today blacks are getting the opportunity 
to play for the major Northern 
Southern schools, and they're ta 
vantage of that, rather than attending the 
small black colleges to which, for the most. 
part, they were historically limited. And 
I think this i» going to be helpful i 
developing black quarterbacks and line- 
backers. 
PLAYBOY: Another grievance among black 
players in the N. F. L. is their conviction 
they're paid less than white players. 
Are they right? 

ROZELLE: We've never really done a study 
on it, but forgetting quarterbacks—which 
you have to do to get a good idea of aver- 
age N. F- L. salaries—I believe that much 
more than 40 percent of the 50 best-paid 
players in the league are black, so by that 
measurement, there's no complaint to be 
made. One problem, perhaps, is that 
more blacks than. whites come into the 
league as free agents, because they've 
played for small, out-of-the-way schools. 
In those cases. the initial contract will be 
smaller than one given to a drafted 
but when a free agent proves him- 
self, he moves up the payroll rather 
quickly. Although there's ап undercur- 
rent of suspicion on this matter, 1 don 
sce it as a major р . IE it wer 
sure you that the Players Association, 
which is a very intelligent and aggressive 
organization, would be raising the ques- 
tion with the owners or with me. It hasn't. 
been raised. And on a very practical level, 


the owners wouldn't even want that ques- 
tion to come up. because it would lead 
to dissension on a club, which can seri- 
ously interfere with a team's chances of 
winning. 

PLAYBOY: The 


Vince Lombardi 
summed up wl ny sports critics feel 
is the N.F. L.'s obsession with victory 
when he said, "Winning isn't everything, 
it's the only thing.” Do you feel pro loot- 
ball attaches too much importance to 
winning? 

ROZELLE: No. But I haven't met a player or 
a coach whose goal isn't to win the Super 


Tate 
tu 


Bowl The ne holds true for team 
owners, especially for those who—like 
Lamar Hunt, Bill Ford and Clint Mur- 
chison—are in football as an avocation, 


not as a way to make their livelihood; for 
them, the only thing they want out of it 
Super Bowl victory. That doesn't 
n they don’t like to make money on 
all teams, only that their pri- 
concern is in winning a champion- 
ship. And I sce nothing wrong in that. 
PLAYBOY: In new book. North Dallas 
10. former Cowboy receiver Peter Gent 
depicts N. F. L. club owners as little more 
than right-wing zealots who try to enforce 
martial discipline, restraint and conform- 
ity on their players. Do you take issue 
with that description? 

ROZELLE: Yes, I do. because as a group, 
team owners just don't exert much influ- 
ence on individual players. In fact, an 
awful lot of N.F. L dub owners have 
practically no influence on their players 
at all, simply because they're nor full-time 
working owners. Men like Ralph Wilson 
in Buffalo, Gerry and Alan Phipps in 
Denver, Art Rooney in Pittsburgh, ne 
Klein in San Diego, Max Winter in Min- 
ncota Bill Ford in Detroit, John 
Mecom, Jr., in New Orleans and Phil Ise- 
lin of the New York Jets don’t take very 
active roles in running their clubs. And 
even Dallas Clint Murchison complete- 
ly delegates з of the 
Cowboys to his club president, Tex 


owner is the philosophical antithesis of 
the description you've given me: Edward 
Bennett Williams in Washington is an at- 
torney deeply committed to promoting 
individual rights. 

If most team owners aren't au- 
nd regimental, and if they 


play such limited roles in running their 
teams, why is it that so many N. F. L. 
player—and explayers such as Dave 


Meggyesy. Bernie Parrish and Johnny 
Sample—accuse them of blacklisting 
outstanding but outspokenly dissident 
athletes? 

ROZELLE: There's 
sembling blacklisting 
least not сє I've been com 
And I'm close enough to the dubs to 
know. Ability is the key to a player's ca- 
reer in the N. F. L., and any idea that 
blacklisting exists is totally erroneous, 
There are always players who'll have 


never been anything re- 
the N. F. L, at 


trouble with thcir clubs, and yet they're 
either traded to another team or, if put 
on waivers, they find another coach will- 
ing to take a chance with them, often 
fecling the player involved hasn't been 
handled right. You may sce discontented 
ballplayers moving around, but if they've 
got ability, they find a job. 
PLAYBOY: Then why—as Bernie Parrish 
points out in They Call It a Game—was 
Walter Beach, an excellent Cleveland de- 
fensive back, unable to find employment 
in the league after he clashed wii 
Browns owner Art Modell? 
ROZELLE: Blacklisting had nothing to do 
with it, and neither did his relationship. 
with Modell. Beach was about 33 and had 
played with four or five football teams 
before finding a home with the Browns, 
where he had a fine career. But by 1967, 
when the incident you're speaking of 
took place, the Browns coaching staff felt 
that Beach was no longer the defensive 
back he'd been. I want to remind you that. 
defensive backs can go downhill in a у 
very easily, because it's an extremely de- 
manding position. Theres no mystery 
why Beach wasn't picked up by another 
team after he was released on waivers by 
the Browns; his career was at an end, Just 
Tast summer, a Federal judge dismissed 
a case Beach brought on this very subject. 
As far as the Parrish and the Meggyesy 
books are concerned, I felt that Meggyesy 
was being his own brand of idealist and I 
disagreed with many of his views. But I 
was much more concerned with the Par- 
rish book, because it was filled with innu- 
endo and charges about pro football— 
such as black-isting—that he wanted to 
be true but that he coukln't back up 
with fact. Fm not asking anyone to accept 
my word that both their books were filled 
with and empty charges 
Meggyesy and Parrish presented any evi- 
dence they had to a grand jury in Cleve- 
and and nothing happened as a result. 
In fact, to the best of my knowledge, cv- 
eryone who's ever openly criticized any 
aspect of the N. F. L. was brought before 
that grand jury, which was working on а 
criminal indictment against the leagu 
The grand jury subpoenaed an incredi- 
ble number of records from each of the 26 
N. F. L. teams—records relating to every 
facet of our operation. We had to sit back 
and take it for 18 montlis as all our critics 
walked into that grand-jury room and 
then held press conferences on the court- 
house steps. 
PLAYBOY: Why do you say you had to take 
it Couldn't you have responded to the 
charges as they were made? 
ROZELLE: That wasn't done because our at- 
torneys didn’t feel it was appropriate to 
publicly discuss a pending court action 
igainst us. 
PLAYEOY: You gave the impression at the 
time that your silence was judicially im- 
posed. At any rate, what do you consider 
the main issues that were involved in the 
grand jury's investigation? 


distortion 


ROZELLE: It wasn't a question of a few spe- 
cific issues; they went into discrimination, 
player contracts, the option clause, the 
Players Association, television—just about 
everything they could think of. And 
after a year and a half, the indict- 
ment was dismissed—in May '72—and 
noth more has been heard of it, But 
no one in the Government ever came out 
and said, “We've looked into this thor- 
oughly and we find no cause for action 
t the N. F. L” So we came out with 
a statement; at а press conference, 1 
noted that the grand jury had been dis 
1 and that, in our opinion, nothing 
had come of irs investigation. I had to 
gamble a little in saying that. because no 
one had officially cleared us—and this is 


point out that we were never told why we 
were being inv ed. Our attorneys 
found that rather strange, but other than 
defending ourselves ag: 


could 


suucture. Most players testified 
they were underpaid in relation to 
s that still a bone of conten- 
id team owners? 

it is. I think the answer to 
disputes is simply to see if 
labor is getting a fair shake. During 
the negotiations that preceded the last 
N.F. L. labor contract, the players and 
owners jointly commissioned the Arthur 
Andersen accounting firm to survey the 
individual club finances of all the league's 
teams. After first standardizing the clubs 
various accounting procedures, informa 
tion was developed regarding profits and 
other significant cial factors. Tt 
turned out that the average pretax team 
profit was $452,000. The players didn't 
want to accept that fig at least пи 
leadership didn’t—because it meant 
there wasn't that much money available 
for them to ask for. In effect, they were 
saying that even though the accoun 
firm they'd helped hire had looked into 
the matter, the owners were somehow still 
able to cover up their profits. 

PLAYBOY: That figure of $152,000 was for 
the 1969 season. Since then, attendance, 
ticket prices, television revenues and 
even stadium scaring capacities 
creased substantially, so average N. 
team profits should be much higher by 
now. In fact, couldn't they easily be twice 
or three times the 1969 figur 
ROZELLE: I honestly don't know. I do know 
that income's gone up: but so have ex- 
penses. In what proportion to cach oth 
1 can't 
PLAYBOY: Not even to the extent of being 
able to give us a general indication of 
N. F. L. profit pictur 
ROZELLE: I don't have the profit pictures 
of the clubs, except for those required by 
the SEC to make annual public disclo- 
sures. Green Bay, for example, showed a 


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69 


PLAYBOY 


70 


1972 net income of $180,203 and the 
Patriots, $545,313. But the dubs don't 
send yearly profit statements to me. I 
might get a glance at a bottomline figure 
ol what some club did the previous year, 
but in general, I'm not aware of dubs’ 
specific financial conditions. 
PLAYBOY: That's hard to believe. 
don't you think you should be? 
ROZELLE: I don't think I have an obliga- 
tion ro ascertain the financial picture. 
PLAYBOY: Then how can you have any 
ility when you say that the players 
ong in feeling that there's financial 
inequity between. themselves and team 
owners? 

ROZELLE: Based on what Ive heard, Га 
have to say I have a general impression 
that there is much more equity involved 
than the players realize. I think their 
are due to human nature; the 
player sees a filled stadium. If he saw а su- 
permarker filled every time it was open, 
he'd feel it was doing extremely well. 
PLAYBOY: And he'd probably be right. 
You say you have a "general impression" 
of the N. F. L.'s finances; doesn't the na- 
ture of your job obligate you to know ex- 
actly what the league's finances are? 

ROZELLE: I think I have enough of an im- 
pression to guide me in the things I con- 
trol—and I don't run the labor relations: 
between the players and the owners, so 
my feelings are x there. 
‘The commissioner's job in such matters is 
only to get the players and the owners to- 
gether for talks. 1 know it appears I'm 
being an advocate for the owners when I 
say there's more equity there than the 
players realize, but that's precisely the 
reason I suggest an independent financial 
study of the N. F. L. be done by an appro- 
priate body both sides would respect 
believe. I've had discussions on this with 
the owners, and I think such a study 
would benefit them as well as the players 
and the public, because it would climi- 
nate suspicion. But we certainly won't use 
nother accounting firm, because its find- 
ings would be suspect, as was proved by 
the jointly sponsored '69 financial study. 
PLAYBOY: Whom would you like to sce 
conduct such a study? 

ROZELLE: A joint House-Senate committee, 
because then no one would dispute the 
findings. Everyone keeps saying that 


But 


the N. F. L. won't open its books, but I've 
told the owners they're going to have to. 


nd they've 


1 they will. Congress is 
talking about changing various aspects of 
pro football, so I'd like to sec its members 
go directly to the financial heart of the 
league to discover whether or not our self- 
government is working, Before Congress 
moves to change апу part of the N. F. L. 
it should first investigate us thoroughl: 
PLAYBOY: What has Congress indicated it 
wants to change? 

ROZELLE: Several things, but I would think 
the most publicized one would be our 
policy of television blackouts of home 
games. 


PLAYBOY: Not only are Congressmen. in- 
terested in changing that but the White 
House itself last season put pressure on 
the N. F. L. to rescind that policy during 
the play-off games. How was that pressure 
applied? 

ROZELLE: I was in Florida just before the 
play-offs started, when I got а message 
that Richard Kleindienst, who was then 
Attorney General, had tried to reach me. 
I called him back and he told me of the 
President's wishes on lifting the TV 
blackout, and so I asked to meet with 
Kleindienst to discuss it. He was at first 
reluctant, but then agreed to it, and I 
flew into Washington that afternoon, He 
explained to me that if we didn't volun- 
varily change our TV policy for the play- 
off games, the Administration would 
issue a statement in support of legislation 
for lifting the blackout. Kleindienst also 
told me that if we didn’t go ahead and 
televise the play-off games in home ci 
his office would review our antitrust 
exemptions, 

PLAYBOY: How much concern did that 
cause you? 

ROZELLE: Well, I wasn't overly worried. 
about the antitrust part of it, because the 
N. F. L. has only two limited exemptions. 
The first was passed in 1961 1 enables 
pro football and all other team sports to 
sell TV rights in a package, as opposed to 
having individual teams selling. hts 
separately and occasionally competing 
with themselves. Our other antitrust ex- 
emption was passed in 1960, after І an- 
nounced our imention of merging the 
A. F L. and the N L. We successfully 
sought a special bill that would exempt 
us from any litigation based upon the fact 
that the A. F. L. had become part of the 
N.F. L. Without that, we couldn't have 
gone ali егдег, because the 
potent г litigation would have been 
100 extreme, For example, we could have 
been sued by every college player comi 
up in the draft who, instead of 1 
rafted by two leagues, would now be 
drafted by only one. Those two bills are 
only antitrust exemptions and be- 
cause they're extremely limited ones, 1 
wasut terribly concerned about the At- 
torney General reviewing them. I was far 
worried TV-blackout 
ing challenged by the Adminis- 


more about our 
policy b. 
tration. 
PLAYBOY: Did you fcel that. Kle 
аппам lled for? 
ROZELLE; І was just very sorry that the 
Administration hadn't first given us а 

opportunity to review for it the ramifica- 
tions of changing our TV procedures. Es 
sentially, the Administration wants us to 
adopt a rule stating th 
game is sold out by Friday, we'll televise 
it in the home city on Sunday. This 
[ET imilar to a bill introduced by Se 
tor John Pastore, who wants us to exper 
ment like that during the regular season. 
But even given the guarantee of a sold- 


dienst's 


‘out game, ending the local blackout will 
seriously hurt our sport. 
PLAYBOY: In what way? 
ROZELLE: Let me give you a rather painful 
case in point: Our top attraction 
Super Bowl, was played this year 
degree weather in Los Angeles, and it. 
televised locally. It turned out that nine 
percent of the ticket buyers—who'd p. 
$130,000 for seats to the Super Bow! 
didn't go to the game. That was a shock 
to us. 

PLAYBOY: 1. you had your sellout, plus 
additional TV moncy through. coverage 
of the Los Angeles market, so what's the 
problem? 

ROZELLE: If we have a well-publicized pol- 
icy of televising home games provided 
they're sold out, people are e 
going to wait to purchase tickets. 
people think there's a chance of watch 
from the comfort of th 
room, they'll wait until Friday to buy 
their tickets, and in no time at all, our 
tendance will suffer. In 1950, the Los 
Angeles Rams made а deal with Admiral 
television; their home games were put on 
local TV and the agreement was based on 
the attendance of the previous year. At 
tendance went way down that year—even 
though the Rams won their conference 
championship—and, although there ob 
viously weren't that many TV sets in 
Т.А. then, the Admiral people wound up 
paying them a tremendous amount of 
money because of the drop-off in attend- 
ance. That was one of the things that con- 
vinced Commissioner Bell and the other 
club owners that you just shouldn't give 
away what you're trying to sell. 

PLAYBOY: Could the N. F. L. operate prof- 
bly if its only source of income were 
TV revenue? 

ROZELLE: Not at all. Last y 
the 26 teams тесе 
$1,500,000 apiece 


, each of 
ved something like 
from the networks, 
which is far below the annual cost of 
running a franchise. Although TV 
nues will increase, they won't incr 
dramatically as they have in the past. 
urthermore, if pro football suddenly be- 
comes a studio show—in the sense that 
10.000 to 15,000 people 
in the stadiums—it's no longer very im- 
portant to watch a pro game anymore. It's 
crowd. psychology; you can sce the same 
great football game sitting alone 
the Coliseum, but it’s not going to have 
the same impact on you as it would if you 
were part of a crowd of 90,000 people. 
Really, I think the TV blackout is one of 
reasons for the popularity of 
al football. I didn't begin the 
blackout—it was there before 1 became 
commissioner—but its been an intelli- 
and if we change it, 1 strongly 
feel that our popularity will decrease. 

PLAYBOY: After you told all this to Klci 
dienst, were there any further Adminis- 
tration pressures put on you? 

ROZELLE: No, we merely had more dis- 
cussions. But I was extremely surprised 


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74 


that something like the N. F.L's TV 
policy could be an issue at that level of 
Government. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think it should be that 
big an issue? 

ROZELLE: No, I don't. Football is a game; 
it should be something to enjoy and to 
keep in the proper perspective. All it does 
is temporarily keep our minds off the scri- 
ous problems of the day- 

PLAYBOY: Does it follow that if American 
society gets healthier, pro football will be 
less important—and less successful? 
ROZELLE: І suppose that’s possible. I've 
been told that during the Depression, 
most forms of entertainment did very 
well, apparently because people felt the 
need to escape their troubles. "That's an 
interesting area for conjectur 
ing realistically, the onc t 
surely drag us down in a hurry would be 
ange in our TV-blackout policy. 
PLAYBOY: If that policy isn't cha 
how much longer do you think pro foot- 
ball can continue to grow? 

ROZELLE: I really don't know. I'd be satis- 
fied—and I don't think this is defeatism.— 
to sce us just hold what we have with 
al growth. I think it would be ex- 
tremely difficult to accelerate much more, 
for there's been great growth in the last 
20 y 
PLAYBOY. Do you sce any cvidence of lev- 
cling off in popularity? 

ROZELLE: On а television-r: yes. 
there were indications of it this past year. 
ABC's gs were about the same as 
they had been in 771, and although МВС 
was up. CDS went down fractionally. 
"There was an over-all gain in our TV rat- 
ings, but I would have to say that a 
lcvelingolt factor was clearly indicated. 
PLAYBOY: Arc you at all worried that the 
public may be starting to get its fill of 
football? 

ROZELLE: The only clear barometers by 
which we cin judge the question of over- 
exposure are TV ratings and attendance, 
both of which were up last year. Another 
measurement we use is the publicopinion 
poll, which we take periodically. A Harris 
Poll we took last year showed that 71 per- 
cent of the public feels our TV coverage 
is about right. I feel it’s about right my- 
self, so I don’t see us changing our present 
TV pattern. Thus, we won't be televising 
games on weck nights other than Mon- 
day and, when further expansion takes 
'e—idcally, we'd like to have 32 teams, 
зс then we'd have four fourteam 
divisions in cach conference—we won't be 
televising more games, For example, rath- 
er than showing an Oakland-Los Angeles 
game in, say, Seattle, we'd just carry the 
Seattle team's game. That doesn't mean, 
incidentally, that Seattle has an inside 
tack on an №. Е.І. franchise. I have to 
mention that or all the cities hoping for 
a franchise—and the list is exte 
will get upset with me. 


PLAYBOY: One thing you haven't me 
tioned is the N. F. Ls possible use of pay 
"TV. 105 been speculated that within the 
next few years, the Super Bowl will be- 
come a closed-circuit theater-TV attrac- 
tion, Will it? 

ROZELLE: That's not being considered, and 
we have no plans even to start thinking 
seriously about it. But I wouldn't pr 
clude anything in perpetuity: if we were 
back in 1940 and [ was being asked if 
we'd be only on radio forever, I'd prob- 
ably be saying yes. We don't know what 
the future holds, but basically, we're com- 
mitted to free television. Our only pos- 
sible use of pay TV would be some kind 
of cable arrangement that will be consid- 


ered if and when CATV become: 
accepted mass-communicitions medium, 
By that, I mean that if the great m: 


of the nation's telev 


up for cable TV, we'd give some consider- 
ation to televising home games on CATV. 
At that point, however, we'd again have to 


start wi 
on stad 


ighing what the effects would be 
im attendance. But it's going to 
be aw before we're confronted with 
that choice: By 1980, I'm told that only 
about 30 percent of the country will be 
wired for CATV. And I can't see what 
would compel us seven years from now to 
shift our policy to reach ошу 30 percent 
of the nation. 

PLAYBOY: What makes you think that 
seven years the television audience won't 
have wearied of football the same way it 
done with boxing and baseball? 

ROZELLE: I can't honestly answer that, be- 
cause TV's done that to other forms of 
entertainment as well as to sports. I re- 
member that when quiz shows were at 
their peak, everyone was home watching 
The $64,000 Question and most people 
couldn't conceive that those shows 
wouldn't be there forever. So it's very pos- 
sible the same thing could happen to us. 
PLAYBOY: Even if it declines, why do you 
think the sport has been able to achieve 
the level of popularity it now enjoys? 
ROZELLE: I think it's based on several 
things. "The game's fast-paced, complex 
tion is more in keeping with our times 
than other forms of entertainment. 1 
believe that the ‘TV exposure we've got- 
ten and our policies in regard to TV have 
taken the game to an ever-increasing 
number of people, just as exp 
merger have, and that's made pro football 
national in scope. The excellence of our 
ТУ coverage itself has been a factor; such 
things as instant replay have made mil- 
lions of TV fans for us, and much of this 
audience then wants to go out and see 
n person. J abo think that the 
competitive balance has been 
very important, becruse in sports, people 
want to sce a contest. Last season, nearly 
40 percent of our games were decided by 
seven points or les - L. football is 
good competitive entertainment, and all 


nsion and 


these things help explain its increased 
popularity. 

PLAYBOY: Since you haven't mentioned it, 
are we correct in assuming you disagree 
with the idea that football's popularity is 
predicated on its violence? 

ROZELLE: Well, I think there's violence in 
football, but it’s a disciplined form of vio- 
Jence rather than open, undisciplined vi 
olence. But if you're going to try to find 
a word that describes professional foot- 
ball, action is a much better choice than 
violence. When you sit in the stands of a 
huge football stadium, I don't think you 
be ued—as you might be on the 
side lines—by the sport’s physical contact. 
T really don’t think that, in a stadium or 
atching a game on ТУ, the steady le 
ig you get is of violence. If you're sitting 
at the top of the Los Angeles Coliseum, 
you can't hear the contact, as you can 
down on the field or at ringside at a box- 
ing match. What you're left with is a 
sense of flow, of movement—of action. To 
me, the idea that football’s popularity is 
violence seems completely 


ased оп 
wrong. 
PLAYBOY: Violence, however, is respon: 
ble for football’s high incidence of game 
What preventive steps, if any, arc 
ng to cut down on them? 

ROZELLE: I don’t think we can control in- 
juries other than the way we're doin 


it—by working with the sporting-goods 
companies and by conducting studies. 


stitute is now studying such factors as 
the number of N. F. L. injuries incurred 
on baseball infields—where the hard sur- 


njuries on artificial turf 
versus natural turf. 

PLAYBOY: When will that study be fin- 
ished? 

ROZELLE: It's ongoing, but we have some 
initial results. The entire injury history 
of ће N. F. L.'s past three y been 
fed to them, and we're continuing with 
more detailed research this season. 

If they discover that artificial 
a significant factor in causing sc- 
"juries, will you ban artificial turf 
from N. F. L. stadiums? 

ROZELLE: The first progress reports indicate 
that there may, indeed, be more injuries 
on artificial turf, but not serious inju- 
xies—mosily abrasions and that sort of 
thing. The findings aren't yet conclusive, 
but even if they turn out to be, banning 
artificial turf would present a seri 
problem. About half ou 
artificial turf, and the footb 
don't necessarily control the choice of 
turf; the stadiums do. Many stadium 
groups use artificial turf because it allows 
them to hold as many events as they want 
to, thus enabling them to amortize the 
cost of the stadium as quickly as possible. 
Artificial turf is more economical in the 
sense that it can guarantee stadium usabil- 
ity. I you have adverse weather, you can 


vere 


The Adams Apple 


(permission to disregard. 
previous instructions) 


A while back we introduced 
anice, simple drink called the 
Adam's Apple- 
Apparently our Adam's Apple 
was too simple. People couldn't 
resist thetemptation to com- 
plicate it. That's OK. with us. 
One quy we know made it a 
short drink so there'd be room To make 
in his tall glass for apple slices me 8 M сс 
and OR Sticks. ... of Smimoff in an ice-filled 
We've heard of people adding са (tall or short), Add 
cloves, nutmeg, lemon juice, apple aice ere tos 
even crushed mint. р, 
Is there no end to this mad- eni moff- 
ness? We certainly hope not. leaves you breathless® 


PLAYBOY 


still hold an event one day and another 
the next day; but it's hard—in fact, it's 
impossible—to convert a sea of mud into 
a baseball diamond overnight. All of this 
is to say that it would be extremely diffi- 
cult, and perhaps impossible, to walk into 
somebody's stadium and say, "Tear up 
your artificial surface." If the study shows 
that some artificial surfaces produce a 
higher incidence of injuries than natural 
turf, I'd just hope that the improvement 
in artificial surfaces—as we get into new 
generations of them—would eliminate 
that problem. 

PLAYBOY: Pro football injuries have been 
a source of controversy for another rea- 
son; many of the sport's critics contend 
that players shouldn't be allowed to com- 
pete while they're handicapped by such 
serious injuries as broken bones. 

ROZELLE: I agree that seriously injured 
players shouldn't be playing, and for the 
most part, I don't think they are. The one 
thing we've tried to stress is the upgrad- 
ing of the teams’ medical departments. 
We want each club to have a very compe- 
tent physician who has authority over the 
coach and everybody else as to whether or 
not a player can play. He's got to make 
the decision. I think that in the last five 
or six years, we've seen a great improve- 
ment in the physical examinations that 
are given, in medical treatment generally 
and in decisions as to whether an injured 
player can or can't play. Example: This 
year, a player—whom I don't care to 
name—was a first-round N.F.L. draft 
choice. Неа performed for four years in 
college, but when he was given a thor- 
ough team ph: 
this year's draft, 


n was made that 
he shouldn't be in football, because of a 
heart condition. The club that had select- 
ed him thought it had lost a first-round 
choice. Further examination cleared him, 
but if it hadn't, the team was prepared to 


accept the I results. 
PLAYBOY: What are the responsibilities of 
the N. F. L. regarding player injuries? 
ROZELLE: They're great. First of all, I want 
to say that the owners take a great per- 
sonal interest in the players; they become 
rt of their families in many cases, Not 
all, but most of the owners are close to the 
players. They have a strong emotional in- 
terest in the players’ physical well-being 
and, beyond that, a heavy practical one: 
The 26 dubs pay out in excess of 
$5,000,000 a year in medical payments 
and in salary to injured players who don’t 
perform for all or part of the season. An 
N. F. L. player injured in training camp 
or in pre-season or regular-season games 
receives all the money called for in his 
contract, plus all medical expenses until 
he's well. I really believe that our league 
now has a highly sophisticated. medical 
program. 

PLAYBOY: Unfortunately, that sophistica- 
tion is often used to get an injured player 


76 ready for a game in situations where, 


under less expert medical care, he 
wouldn't be allowed—or even be able— 
to play. 

ROZELLE: The team physician obviously 
understands medicine and also under- 
stands football. He's unique in that way 
and his decision—as told to him by the 
club owners—must be made keeping the 
player's best interests at heart, and not 
the coach's or his teammates’. If he says 
that a particular injury won't restrict а 
player to the extent that he can't contrib- 
ute and, more importantly, that no fur- 
ther harm will result from allowing the 
injured man to compete, well, he's the 
guy who has to answer for it if something 
serious should occur. 

PLAYBOY: Don't you think the N.F.L. 
commissioner should at least set some lim- 
its as to how much a man may be injured. 
and still be allowed to play? 

ROZELLE: As a nonmedical man, I don't see 
how I could. Medical science isn't so pre- 
se about injuries that I, as a layman, 
could determine which injuries you can 
be allowed to play with and which you 
can't play with. 

PLAYBOY: To alleviate the pain of in- 
juries, players are injected—and now 
even sprayed—with painkillers. Do you 
think there's any inconsistency between 
condoning that and publicly bemoaning 
players’ use of pep pills? 

ROZELLE: If you're talking about the use of 
painkillers for a minor injury, I really 
have to defer—again—to competent phy- 
sicians. But I'm very opposed to the use of 
amphetamines, which was much more 
common in the N. F. L. several years ago 
than it is today. Now I think there's a 
greater awareness of their dangers not 
only in football but also in Government, 
because it wasn't until two or three years 
ago that the Food and Drug Administra- 
tion and Congressional committees got 
on the problem. 

PLAYBOY: As we go to press, reports are 
circulating about a drug scandal that will 
implicate at least four N. F. L. players 
said to be involved in smuggling and/or 
selling large amounts of cocaine and hash- 
ish. How seriously do the arrests of 
N. F. L. players on drug charges affect the 
sport? 

ROZELE: First, I want to note that we've 
been in touch with the FBI and other 
agencies and we're confident that the re- 
роп» aren't true. But I also have to poi 
out that there are hundreds of thousands 
of people under investigation at any given 
time, and if four are profe football 
players, well, that’s the price we pay for 
being in public life. As to the effect of 
actual arrests: When a player is picked up 
for possession of pot or other drugs, I 
frankly don’t like getting letters from 
fathers who complain that the N. F.L. 
comes into their living rooms and to their 
kids, who idolize the particular player 
who's been arrested. Obviously, we have 
players who take drugs, and it would be 


silly for me to deny it. Our players come 
out of college, where drug use is particu- 
larly heavy. Football is no different from 
the rest of our society, but we hope to 
minimize drug use in the N.F.L., be- 
cause if a player gets heavily into drugs, 
it presents two problems: It's difficult for 
him to play football and it's bad for 
our image. 

PLAYBOY: Some members of the sports 
press have suggested that players con- 
victed on drug charges should he banned 
from the N. F. L. Do you feel that ath- 
letes should be treated differently from, 
say, executives in this regard? 

ROZELLE: І go both ways on that. First, I'll 
tell you what I've told players: I think 
they have to realize there is a double 
standard. You see, the income and other 
benefits that accrue to a sport and every- 
one in it come directly from the public, 
so I don't think a player can live his life 
with the freedom of someone not in the 
public eye. When you're dependent on 
the mass public for support, when you've 
got to bring in as many people as you can 
to be television viewers, ticket buyers and 
radio listeners, I don't think you can af- 
ford to ignore their feelings on the issue 
of drugs. So because our standing with the 
public is so very important to us, I say 
yes, there has to be a double standard. 

But I said I go both ways on the ques- 
tion, and here’s the other half: I don’t 
feel we can have automatic suspensions 
for drug use. Our attorneys investigated 
the drug question for more than six 
months when we began developing our 
drug program, and they encountered a 
number of serious problems involved in 
setting up automatic sanctions such as 
suspension. One of the most important 
was a medical problem; if a player goes 
on the operating table and the surgeon. 
doesn't have complere knowledge of 
every drug he's been taking, the player 
can die from anesthesia. If you were to in- 
stitute automatic suspension for drug use, 
players wouldn't be candid with team 
doctors about their drug habits—and the 
very last thing we want to see is an acci- 
dental death. 

The problem is similar to what the 
Armed Services once encountered with 
both venereal disease and drugs. When 
both those things carried automatic sanc- 
tions, they weren't reported by Gls, and 
not only did the problems spread but in- 
dividual cases were invariably more seri- 
ous than they should have been, which 
caused the military to alter its policy. So 
I think it's understandable why we won't 
automatically suspend players we find 
using drugs. We will, however, continue 
to educate them about the harmful effects 
of drugs through the team doctors and 
the material we provide. 

PLAYBOY: What about players who might 
prove to be chronic drug users? How do 
you deal with them? 

ROZELLE: Again, automatic suspension isn’t 


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PLAYBOY 


78 


the answer, but TI qualify that to the 
extent of saying that if I see a continu- 
ing drug problem with a player, it's very 
possible he could be suspended, Not 
blacklisted or quietly put out of the 
lcaguc—suspended. When a player has 
ach a problem, we look into it thorough- 
ly. We talk to the judge and the prob. 
officer and I talk to the player. I've told 
ers, “Look, it’s a problem for 
office, it's a problem for your team 
t's a problem for you. If you're going 
to keep getting the benefits from our 
sport, let's not have a repeat of this.” I'm 
not saying suspension couldn't result from 
a drug arrest, but if a judge and a proba- 
tion officer tell me a man's best chance for 
rehabilitation lies in allowing him to do 
what he's best suited for—in this case, 
playing football—thar’s a strong persuad- 
ing factor with me. The mail from angry 
fathers bothers me, but I also realize that 
a problem can develop with anyone, and 
if one of the best ways to help the individ- 
ual correct it is to allow him to parti 
in pro football, that judgment will be 
made. But, again, I'm not ruling out sus- 
pension in the best interests of the league. 
PLAYBOY: Although this is a far less seri- 
ous matter than the subject of drugs, a 
number of N. F.L. coaches still won't 
low their players to have long ha 
How do you fecl about it? 

ROZELLE: T would prefer better grooming 
rather than leaning toward total freedom. 
PLAYBOY: Whiy? 

ROZELLE: Because, again, I think we have 
to appeal to as much of the public as pos- 
sible to continue the success of the sport. 
And I know how most fathers rightly or 
wrongly—fecl about their kids’ grooming. 
PLAYBOY: But aren't you, in a sense, giv- 
ing those fathers direction about how 
they should view young men with long 
hair? 

ROZELLE: "That's going to an extreme. I 
didn't say I wanted a row of 40 
on N, F. L. teams, because I think 
has to be given to an individual. I just 
feel that extremes should be avoided. 

PLAYBOY: If that’s true, why have you 
lowed so much militarism to creep into 
N. F. L. half-time pageants, a trend that 
has resulted not only in public debate but 
also in formations of Air Force jets flying 
over football stadiums? 

ROZELLE: The last flyover we had was at 
the 1972 Super Bowl, and it was cl 
P. O. W. tribute, which everyone around 
the country was more or less for. There 
were no flyovers this year. You know, it's 
tougher Шап hell in a 90,000-seat stadiu 
with TV cameras around to just present 
a harmonica player down on the field. 
Half-time shows have had patriotic motis 
because they have scope and they're fairly 
traditional, Unfortunately, a lot of people 
read things into half-time shows, and 
in political ways. The conservatives say, 
"таре the right thing to show,” and the 


ly 


s terrible, you should 
antiwar demonstrations at half 
time." Well, they both read too much into. 
it. We try to put on a pageant and that's 
all. It’s really a kind of national tragedy; 
the war in Vietnam and the divided fecl- 
ings about it made both the flag and the. 
national anthem political. It hasn't been 
our intent to be political and we certainly 
don't want to become a cause of political 
controversy among our fans. 

PLAYBOY: Regardless of their political 
. L. fans seem united in their 
feeling that pro football is rapidly beco 
ing a sport only the affluent can afford to 
attend regularly. Does that concern you? 
ROZELLE To a certain extent it docs, yet 
we're fortunate, sense, that our teams. 
play only a small number of games each 
y ason tickets to all other sports cost 
much more money, because many more 
gamcs arc played during the hockey, bas- 
ketball and baseball seasons. While pro 
football may be considered expensive on 
a per-event basis, it still takes only $50 to 
$75 to buy a season ticket. And if they 
care enough about football, most people 
in the country regardless of income 
bracket—can come up with that kind of 
money. But to go to the basic question: 
Yes, increased ticket prices bother me. 
We don't want to price ourselves out of 
reach of people who like football, yet con- 
tinuing inflation has caused team m 
agements to feel forced to raise ticket 
prices. I personally hope, however, that 
our prices will reach a period of stability. 
PLAYBOY: Another complaint by football 
fans concerns the growing number of 
N. F. L. teams that tack the cost of exhibi- 
tion-game seats onto season-ticket prices. 
Why has this been instituted? 

ROZELLE: About half the clubs in the 
N. F. L have such a ticket plan, and it’s 
because they felt it was а better alterna- 
tive to meet spiraling costs than if they 
charged astronomical prices to attend 
regularseason pames. They felt that by 
obligating the purchaser to buy tickets for 
preseason games, they'd be able to pro- 
inment while, at 
the same time, keeping their regular- 
season prices at a reasonable level. There's. 
been litigation over it, and so far, the 
litigation has gone with the dubs. 
PLAYBOY: We're not ques ng the legal- 
ity of such a policy, because if football- 
team owners want to charge $50 to see a 
game, it seems to us they have the right 
to; and fans have a right not to pay the 
price. We're talking about coercion. Is it 
right to, in effect, force fans to attend pre- 
season games in order to attend regular- 
season games? 

ROZELLE: It may have been economically 
necessary. But this goes back to the teams" 
finances and, again, I have to tell you 
t they don't send me financial state- 


: By not shedding any new light 


on the subject of N. F. L. finances, aren't 
you adding to the suspicions you've said 
already exist among players and fans? 
ROZELLE: Опсе more I'll tell you that those 
are the reasons I want to have an inde- 
pendent financial study made and that it 
has to be a Congressional study, in view 
of Congressional talk about regulating us. 
PLAYBOY: You've already noted that many 
members of Congress want to r the 
N. F. L's TV policy. Are there any other 
aspects of pro football they're interested 
in changing? 

ROZELLE: There's been some talk of chang- 
ing our option arrangements and our 
player draft, both of which are necessary 
to preserve the league's competitive bal- 
nce. If we had a situation where the ath- 
letes were free agents, the richest owners 
in the league would simply buy up the 
N. F. L's best players and we'd wind up 
like the old All-America Conference, 
which had the Cleveland Browns beating 
everyone so easily that fans both at home 
and on the road stopped going to their 
games. So we say that upon expiration of 
а player's contract, there's a one-year op- 
tion period, and unless he agrees to a new 
contract during that time, he becomes a 
free agent the following May first and 
can then sign with any club he wants to. 
When he does, however, his new team is 
obligated to negotiate a fair compensa- 
tion in players and/or draft choices with 
the club he's left. If the two front offices 
can't agree on what's fair, then both must 
accept the judgment of the commission- 
er as to the settlement. In that way, play- 
ers aren't bound to teams they don't wish 
to play for; yet, at the same time, the com- 
petitive ability of the teams they left isn’t 
necessarily impaired. 

We think our player draft is also re- 
sponsible for keeping N. F. L. teams con- 
tinuously competitive; without it, there’s 
no way Don Shula and the Miami Dol- 
phins could have won a Super Bowl. If 
we ever got to the point where baseball 
was several years ago, when the Yankees 
completely dominated the sport, pro foot- 
ball wouldn't be at all healthy. We need a 
cycle, with our down clubs able to come 
up, and the draft ensures that by allowing 
teams to select the best graduating college 
players in inverse order of their standings 
during the previous pro season. In other 
words, the N. F. L. team with the worst 
record picks first each year and the team 
with the best record picks last. This has 
consistently allowed the weaker teams to 
grow into formidable clubs. 

In addition to our competitive b: 
ance, another thing that keeps our sp 
healthy is its honesty. Scandal could very 
easily be pro football's downfall, which is 
why I feel the integrity of our sport is so 
terribly vital. And to keep that integrity 
above suspicion, we're fighting legalized 
gambling as hard as we can. The league's 
concern about it is this: If you legalize 


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PLAYBOY 


80 


gambling on football games, you enhance 
the possibility of so-called fixes; but this 
isn’t our paramount concern. My major 
worry would be the suspicions bettors 
would attach to all our games. We know 
that people now bet on football and we 
spend $200,000 a year on our security de- 
partment to run down rumors of fixed 
games and to police our sport. 

We're not Pollyanna about gambling, 
but with legalized betting and the way it 
would operate with point spreads, we can 
envision the day when, let's say, the New 
York Jets, six-point favorites, are ahead 
by five near the end of the game and they 
have the ball close to their opponent's 
goal line. Obviously, the intelligent thing 
for the Jets to do is to run out the clock 
and take the five-point win. But if they’re 
playing at home, a big part of the crowd 

n Shea Stadium will be booing because 
they won't be happy with just a team 
they also want to win their bets. And 
they'd curse the Jets for stalling out the 
clock rather than kicking a field goal or 

for another touchdown. 

PLAYBOY: Didn't a similar situation occur 
at the end of the 1958 N. F. L. champion- 
ship game between the New York Giants 
and the Baltimore Colts—and wasn't 
Colts owner Caroll Rosenbloom suspected 
of ordering his team to go for a touch- 
down instead of a field goal because a. 
three-point win wouldn't have allowed 
him to collect a big bet he'd allegedly 
made on Baltimore? 

ROZELLE: Right, and the suspicion was to- 
tally without merit. The championship 
was won by the Colts in a sudden-death 
situation and many people, indeed, felt 
that rather than going for a touchdown to 
break the tie, the Colts could much more 
easily have kicked a field goal. But, of 
course, people in football know that field 
goals are far from automatic; they can be 
blocked and they can be missed. The 

Colts scored on third down, not fourth 
down, which many people tend to forget: 
on fourth down I’m sure they would 
have tried for three points. That's an 
even better illustration of the N. F. Ls 
c against legalized bewing than the 
one I gave you, for the Colts didn't really 
have to make a hard fourth-down choice, 
and yet many bettors are still speculating 
about the reasons Baltimore went for a 
touchdown. 

PLAYBOY: A poll taken not long ago by 
Football News showed that 46 per- 
cent of football fans would like to see 
football betting legalized, with 11 percent 
undecided on the question. That would. 
scem to indicate not only that a majority 
of fans might well go along with legalized 
football betting but that a sizable minor- 
ity of them are already gambling on 
games. 

ROZELLE: In answer to that, the National 

District Attorneys Association, which 
includes about 5000 D.A.s from all over 


tells us that less than three per- 
cent of the people in the country bet on 
sporting events through a bookmaker. 
And because betting is still illegal, there's 
a minimum of complaining about the 
outcomes of our games. But if betting 
were legalized. police switchboards dur- 
ing the season would be flooded with 
complaints and calls for criminal investi- 
gations. There's sufficient pressure on 
our players now without their having to 
put up with that kind of flak. 

PLAYBOY: As far the N.D.A.A. cesti- 
mate is concerned, it doesn’t seem likely 
that virtually every newspaper in the U. S. 
would carry N. F. L. point spreads for the 
benefit of only two percent of the reader- 
ship. But if you're so opposed to football 
betting, why haven't you asked news- 
paper editors to stop publishing point 
spreads? 

ROZELLE: There's no real way we can put 
pressure on newspaper people and Гуе 
never tried, because I'm sure they'd feel it 
would be an attempt by us to infringe on 
freedom of the press. They think it’s in 
the best interests of their newspapers to 
print the point spreads, and I don’t ques- 
tion that. Instead of moving in that direc- 
tion, we're presenting our objections to 
legalized football betting before state leg- 
islatures that are considering passage of 
such measures. Not long ago, we met with 
a number of members of Ше New York 
State legislature, New York being the 
state that's most actively pursuing legal- 
ized football betting. 

PLAYBOY: Why does the №. F. L. supply the 
newspapers with the league's weekly in- 
jury lists, which are invaluable aids to 
bettors? 

ROZELLE: We really do it for the opposite 
reasons—to avoid suspicion and i 
endo, If we didn't force the clubs to dis- 
close injuries, inside information about 
disabled players would almost certainly 
seep to gambling interests, and then heavy 
money would be placed the other way on 
a given game. "The game might then be 
en off the boards, meaning that book- 
ers wouldn't accept bets on it. When- 
ever that happens, it creates suspicion 
about the honesty of our games; we make 
spot checks with bookmakers about three 
times a week to sce what the point spreads 
are, and if we learn that bookies aren't 
accepting bets on a specific game, we im- 
mediately investigate. Normally, these 
things have to do with an injury situa- 
tion, and that’s why we force disclosure: 
so there can’t be inside information for 
gamblers to act upon. 

PLAYBOY: It’s been suggested that the 
profits made through syndicate bookmak- 
ing operations subsidize organized crime 
and that legalized betting would signifi- 
cantly weaken criminal interests. Do you 
agree with that? 

ROZELLE: On the contrary. The same type 
of argument was used in the Thirties 


nu- 


when Prol ion was lifted; we were 
told that ending Prohibition would end 
organized crime and, of course, it didn't. 
Thesame is true when the subject is legal- 


ized football betting, especially when you 
realize that legalizing it won't have a 


major effect on organized crime's income 
from bookmaking. The reason is simply 
this: You don't have а tax problem when 
you deal with a bookie, but you're going 
to pay taxes on what you win from a lc- 
galized betting operation. I just can't 
foresee Federal, state or local govern- 
ments’ saying to the bettor that his win- 
nings will be tax-free. Additionally, all 
Kinds of rumors would be floating 
around to the effect that relatives of var 
ous players had been seen at the off- 
stadium betting office and that they 
therefore not only had inside information 
but were probably betting for the play 
themselves. "Therc's no question in my 
mind that we'd get much more suspicion. 
attached to our sport if betting were legal- 
ized. Yes, there's gambling on football 
today, but why not also legalize heroin 
and prostitution? 

PLAYBOY: Docsn't it strike you as inconsist- 
ent that while you inveigh against legal- 
p. you permit your security 
forces to work closely with bookmakers— 
presumably, with the understanding that 
the N. F. L. won't turn the bookies over 
to the police? 

ROZELLE: The men we work with arc 
known to law-enforcement people 
bookmakers, but knowing they're book- 
makers and convicting them are appar- 
ently two different things. We deal with 
people in that business because we need 
to get accurate betting information 
and our telling the police about them 
would hardly be a news bulletin at the 
station house. 

PLAYBOY: Whatever the reasons for deal- 
ing with bookies, isn't it true that N. F. L. 
security men assure them that they won't 
testily against them in court? 

ROZELLE: 1 don't know what their relation- 
ship is, because I haven't explored it with 
y people. But I'm sure the per- 
ng us betting information realizes 
s being done in confidence. It's an odd 
relationship, but it’s a very necessary one 
if we're going to accurately police our 
sport. 

PLAYBOY: The morality—and even the le- 
gality—of that position seems dubious, 
but let's go on to one of the results of 
the N. F. L.'s collaboration with bookies. 
When your security forces are tipped oft 
that players are suspected of betting on 
or rigging games, it's been the league's 
policy to give liedetector tests to the 
players involved. Are they required to 
take such tests? 

ROZELLE: No, it’s not mandatory, and we've 
given them to both owners and players. 
‘And our purpose in giving chem isn’t pri- 
marily to catch the guilty but to clear 


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PLAYBOY 


82 


the innocent. For example, three or four 
years ago, NBC came out with a report 
that a grand jury in Detroit was about 
to accuse Len Dawson and other N. F. L. 
players of gambling on games. We quickly 
investigated. found that the charges were 
groundless and told the players involved, 
“Listen, we've looked into this deeply 
enough to fecl we know that you're not 
guilty. But for us to come out with the 
strongest possible denial—which we want 
to do—we'ye got to have some backup. 
We'd like to be able to say that the players 
are so upset about this thing that they've 
virtually volunteered to take lie-detector 
tests. And the tests show that theyre 
clean.” We were able to do that and Daw- 
son and the other players—who were 
clean—benefited from it. 

PLAYBOY: If you found evidence that a 
team owner had bet on N. F. L. games, 
would you discipline him as severely as 
you have players who've been found to be 
betting? 

ROZELLE: I would oppose discipline similar 
to what was imposed on the players; I'd 
more likely force the owner to sell his 
franchise. I don't want to prejudge the 
umstances that might enter into such 
a situation, but you're talking about a 
violation of the strongest rule in the 
N.F.L.s constitution. The action I'd 
take would therefore be stronger than 
what was done to the players, because just. 
suspending an owner from football indefi- 
nitely and then ending that s 
after a year—as we did Paul 
Hornung and Alex Karras—wouldn't be 
enough. 

PLAYBOY: How did you happen to find 
out that Hornung and Karras were bet- 
ting on games? 

ROZELLE: Our security people had picked 
up rumors, so we started looking into 
them and talking to players. We began 
our investigation in December 1962 and 
finished it in April 1963, after talking to 
about 20 players and thoroughly investi 
gating rumors concerning each of them. 
l want to mention that we never found 
evidence that Hornung or Karras ever 
gave less than his best on the field or 
that they ever bet against their own teams. 
They were betting relatively nominal 
amounts, but it was a dear violation of 
the player contract and the N. F. L. con- 
stitution, and so we suspended them. 
PLAYBOY: How did they react? 

ROZELLE: Hornung was frankly more un- 
derstanding and much more of a man 
about it. Paul knew he was wrong; he 
didn’t bet big money, but he was giving 
out some information on games and a 
man was placing small bets for him. Paul 
acknowledged all this the first time I 
called him into our offices to talk to him 
about what we'd heard. On the day I 
announced our findings and actions, 1 
called Paul up to tell him about his sus- 
pension before our press conference and 
he took the news as well as could be ex- 


pected. Karras, however, was very upset 
bout being suspended, even though he 
had, in fact, been betting on games. He 
felt that my action was the wrong thing to 
do and said so publicly and in a highly 
critical way. He's never changed his opin- 
ion and he still enjoys needling me in 
speeches. Karras has a great sense of 
humor and he kids me humorously, but 
ifs done on the square: He's not an 
admirer of mine. 

PLAYBOY: The most recent N. F. L. gam- 
bling suspicion involving a player was 
your Bachelors HI run-in with Joe Na- 
math a few years back. How did you feel 
when it seemed you were pushing the 
Sport's top gate attraction into retirement? 
ROZELLE: І wasn't really bothered in regard 
to the game's top player's not being in the 
league, because I'd gotten inured to that 
in 1963, when Hornung was probably the 
N. F. L.'s number-one man. But on a per- 
sonal level, 1 felt very badly for Joe. He 
had announced his retirement rather 
than sell his interest in a INew York bar 
and restaurant whose telephones were 
g used to place bets—and we had 


alty to his partner 
decision. The entire episode was a very 
distasteful experience for me, as I'm sure 
it was for him, because it lasted in a high 
glare of publicity for some six weeks be- 
fore we had a chance to really sit down 
and work things out. 

PLAYBOY: Namath has the reputation of 
being something of a prima donna. Was 
he that way during your talks? 

ROZELLE: I can't say that I know Joe, but 
we spent a number of hours together just 
before he came out of retirement—which 
wasn't a sham, incidentally—and I thor- 
oughly enjoyed a person. When he 
wants to, he can just have tremendous 
charm, and I found him to be a really ap- 
pealing guy. And I was almost amazed by 
а [ew things I hadn't known about him at 
that time: I knew he had a great arm, but 
I hadn't been aware of his knowledge of 
football, his mental approach to it and 
the dedication he gives to the sport. We 
discussed the Jets’ Super Bowl win over 
the Colts, and it was obvious to me then— 
since become obvious to everyone— 
that he has a lot more going for him 
than just an arm. Namath is an exciting 
player, and he helped make that Super 
Bowl game against the Colts about the 
ing one that’s been played so 


Since that Jets-Colts game, Super 
Bowls—including this past season's Dol- 
phins-Redskins match-up—have become 
ingly bland and anticlimactic af- 
Have you figured out why? 

ROZELLE: Our people feel it's the result of 
extreme caution, especially in the teams’ 
game plans. Coaches talk about how mis- 
takes can hurt you, and they usually go 
into the Super Bowl feeling that if their 
teams can avoid mistakes, they've got a 


creas 


good chance of winning. That's a very 
conservative approach to the sport and 
changes the entire pattern of exciting 
play that we saw during the play-off 
"The key to it is more wide-open play in 
the Super Bowl, but that's not really some- 
thing the conimissioner's office can bring 
about. 

PLAYBOY: Have you decided how much 
longer you intend to remain in that 
office? 

ROZELLE: I really don't know. I've had con- 
versations on that subject with people ii 
the past, and I've also had several good 
job offers, but I enjoy what I'm doing 
and its never boring. If someone had 
asked me about pro football's future 
when I became commissioner in 1960, I 
wouldn't even have come close to pre- 
dicting what the sport has achieved in 
1978 as to number of teams, television cx- 
posure and revenue, attendance, and so 
on. And even now, the future of the 
N. F. L. is something I’m just not vision 
ary enough to give a calculated. guess 
about. There are some other carcer fields 
that interest me—such as public relations 
and television work—but when I sit back 
and realize what's happened to the sport 
in the 18 years I've been commissioner, I 
say to myself, “Well, why not sit back and 
enjoy being a part of this?" Although 
we've achieved some stability, the job will 
never be Civil Service; we're always going 
to have crises, but I hope not to the de- 
gree of those in the past. And since I real- 
ly enjoy football per se, I finally can't see 
any reason to leave. I've been in sports all 
my life and it’s hard to imagine doing 
something that wouldn't have a sports 
connotation. 

PLAYBOY: When you finally do leave your 
job, how do you think people will remem- 
ber your administration of pro football? 
ROZELLE: 1 would hope they'll remember 
that I made a strong and, for the most 
part, successful effort to balance—fre- 
quently with compromise, but balancing 
as best 1 could—the interests of the 
sport's club owners, players and, most im- 
portantly, its fans. But I really won't be 
surprised if that doesn't happen, for 1 
think I'll be remembered mostly for what 
І was publicly identified with in the me- 
dia—things like television negotiations 
and disciplinary actions, which I find 
somewhat unfortunate. 

PLAYBOY: How do you think people will 
remember you personally? 

ROZELLE: Due to the types of things I've 
been most identified with, I think T 
come across as a rather cold, hard per- 
son, and I have to attribute that to 
feeling forced to keep a somewhat aloof 
exterior—except with the small number 
of very, very close friends that I relas 
with, And they are probably the only 
people who will ever really know Pete 


Rozelle. 
Ba 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


A young man discovering the new trends that eventually become the ‘‘now” trends. When he picks 
up on a new food or drink idea, a new place to travel or a new product to try, others soon follow his 
suit. And one magazine keeps him informed and helps him set the pace. Fact: More men spend 
more money to read each issue of PLAYBOY than is spent for any other magazine in the world. Want 
this active, adventurous audience to discover you? Put yourself in PLAYBOY. (Source: A.B.C.) 


New York • Chicage * Detroit * Los Angeles * San Francisco * Atlanta * London * Tokyo 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOHN CRAIG 


= 
о 
m 
А 
= 
a 
ГЫ 


SEXUAL 
BEHAVIOR 
IN THE 
1970s 


article 


By MORTON HUNT 


the first major national 
survey since the kinsey reports 
reveals marked changes 
in the sex habits of americans 


AMERICA IS IN THE MIDST of a sexual- 
liberation movement. In the quarter 
century since Dr. Alfred i 
celebrated census of Ameri 
here have been dramatic 
in the frequency with which most A 
icans engage in various sexual activities 
and in thc numbcr of persons who 
dude formerly n tech- 
niques in th This 
distinct. end toward liberation—long 
intuitively recognized but never con- 
firmed by actual measurement—has now 
been investigated in an extensive nation- 
al survey funded by the Playboy Found: 
tion. The survey, conducted by a priv 
research organization, studied the sexual 


re or forbidd 


attitudes and behavior of 2026 persons 
in 24 cities and suburban it re- 
examined most of the sexual practices 


studied by Kinsey and his associates, and 
thus provides measurements of change. 
In a few instances, it explored areas of 
behavior not reported on in the Kinsey 
research. 

Here 


re some of the key findings 

al sex has become both ac- 
nd widespread; the change is 
ly noteworthy in females. Kinsey 
ed that one third of the single 
n his study had had intercourse 
by the age of 25; the Playboy survey found. 
that today, about three quarters have 
done so before they are 25. (Kinsey's pub- 
lished data deal with white-only samples: 
in all direct comparisons of our own data 
with his, we use only the white portion of 
our sample, The charts on pages 86-87, 
however, are based on our total sample, 
some ten percent of which is black: fig- 
ures in the charts therefore differ somc- 
what from those used in our direct 
comparisons with Kinsey's data) Kinsey 
reported that nearly half of the women 
who married before the age of 25 had 
had premarital sex; in the Playboy stu 
too, half of the women who marr 
before 25 had done so, and among our 
youngest married women, four fifths had 
done so. The overall incidence of pre- 
marital sex (text continued on page 88) 


85 


Beginning on the previous page isa full 
account of a far-reaching sexual- 
liberation movement in the United 
States—charted in a comprehensive 
survey sponsored by the Playboy 
Foundation and conducted by a private 
research organization. On these two 
pages arc graphic reports on the 
incidence of a variety of ordinary and 
extraordinary sexual practices among 
contemporary Americans—fellatio, 
anal intercourse,* cunnilingus,* 
masturbation, homosexual contact, 
sexual intercourse,* animal contact, 
mate or partner swapping,* sadism 

and masochism—and on the proportion 


of intercourse that results in orgasm. 
The data in the graphs are taken from the 
survey's complete representative urban 
sample, which includes blacks. In the 
article, some data are presented on 

whites only to compare them with Kinsey 
data, which are based only on whites. 


“Heterosexual 


MALE FEMALE 


FELLATIO 


55 & over 
SINGLE 
Overall 
18-24 
75—34 


ANAL INTERCOURSE 
ever 
i с ауре zu p. DEL 


MARRIED 
Overall 
18-24 
25-34 
35-44 
45-54 
55 & over. 

SINGLE 
Overall 
18-24 
25-34 


CUNNILINGUS 
(heterosexual) in past year 


MASTURBATION TO ORGASM 
in post year 


HOMOSEXUAL CONTACT 


ever (after the age of 11) 


45 & over 
MARRIED 


SINGLE 


PLAYBOY 


88 


among males has increased only slightly, 
but single males are beginning their pre- 
marital coital experiences earlier: By the 
age of 17, nearly three quarters of our 
noncollege males had had premarital 
coitus, as against about two thirds of 
Kinsey's; of those males in our sample 
who have had at least some college educa 
tion, more than half have had premarital 
coitus by 17, as against about a quarter in 
Kinsey's sample. 

The virtual abandonment of the dou- 
ble standard has affected the choice of 
coital partners by young single males, In 
Kinsey's sample, nearly a third of the men 
who were single between 16 and 20 
had coitus with prostitutes at least once 
during those years; the same was true for 
men who were single between 21 and 25. 
In our own sample, only three percent of 
single men in the 18-to-24 age range had 
had contact with prostitutes in the past 
year; this one-year basis is not directly 
comparable with Kinsey's five-year basis, 
bur the figures suggest that the use of 
prostitutes by young single males today is, 
at most, only about half as widespread as 
it was in the Forties, and possibly much 
less so. Young husbands are only a little 
more likely, but young wives are much 
more likely, to engage in extramarital sex- 
ual activity today. Kinsey reported that 
fewer than one wife in ten under the age 
of 25 had had extramarital coitus; the 
Playboy survey found that no fewer than 
24 percent of wives under 25 had done so. 
This incidence, though smaller than that 
of husbands under 25 (32 percent), is 
much closer to it than a generation ago; 
n this area of behavior, women are at 
taining sexual equality. 

* Oral sex is far more widely used than 
it used to be. Kinsey reported that fewer 
than four out of ten husbands with more 
than gradeschool education had ever 
made oral contact with their wives' geni- 
tals or had ever had their own genitals 
orally stimulated by their wives; the 
Playboy survey found that more than half 
n as many had engaged in marital cun- 
nilingus and fellatio in the past year 
lone. (In Kinsey's sample, men with 
only gradeschool education were much 
less likely than other men ever to have 
had oral-genital experience. Since our 
sample includes virtually no grade school 
men, we use only the relevant part of 
Kinsey's sample, in order to avoid ехар- 
gerating the change from his time to ours.) 
"Fhese practices are especially common 
today among younger men and women: 
More than four fifths of single males and 
females between 25 and 31 and about 
nine tenths of married persons under 25 
had practiced cunnilingus or fellatio, or 
both, in the past year. 

* Heterosexual anal intercourse is much 
more widely used today than formerly, 
although it remains primarily an experi- 
mental or oc nal variation, chiefly 
among younger persons. Kinsey com: 
mented in his volume on male sexuality 


HOW THE SURVEY 
WAS DONE 


With this article, eLaysoy presents 
the major findings of a comprehensive 
survey of the sexual behavior and 
attitudes of the American people, a 
study that explores the principal areas 
investigated 25 years ago by Alfred 
Kinsey and his associates and, in a few 
important instances, goes beyond the 
Kinsey work. 

The Playboy Foundation retained 
The Research Guild, Inc., an inde- 
pendent market-survey and behavioral- 
research organization, to do the field 
work with a representative sample of 
urban and suburban adults through- 
out the nation. The Research Guild 
staff developed a basic questionnaire 
of more than 1000 items with which it 
examined the backgrounds, sex edu- 
cation, attitudes toward sexual prac- 
tices and complete sex histories of 2026 
persons who participated as subjects 
in the survey. 

The sample, collected in 24 cities, 
closely parallels the composition of the 
adult (over-17) American society: It 
includes 982 men and 1044 шотеп and 
is roughly 90 percent white and ten 
percent black; 71 percent are married, 
25 percent never married, four percent 
previously married (and not remar- 
ried). All other major demographic 
characteristics of the sample—age, 
educational attainment, occupational 
status, geographical location—roughly 
match those of the entire American 
population. 

Morton Hunt supplemented the 
questionnaire data with in-depth tape- 
recorded interviews in which he sought 
clues to the meanings of the trends 
that showed up in the data. His inter- 
view sample consisted of 100 men and 
100 women and was similar in char- 
acter to the questionnaire sample. 
Hunt interviewed the men; his wife, 
author Bernice Kohn, interviewed the 
women. 

Hunt's complete report on the sur- 
vey is lo be published as a book, 
“Sexual Behavior in the 1970s," by 
Playboy Press. This article is adapted 
from the book manuscript. Detailed 
reports based on Hunt's book—on 
(1) premarital sex, (2) marital sex, 
(3) extramarital and postmarital sex, 
(4) masturbation and (5) homosexual- 
ity and other variant behavior—will 
appear in installments in PLAYBOY 
in succeeding months. 


that “anal activity in the heterosexual is 
not frequent enough to make it possible 
to determine the incidence of individuals 
who are specifically responsive to such 
stimulation." In sharp contrast, we found 
that nearly a quarter of all females and 


more than a quarter of all males in our 
total sample had experienced anal inter- 
course at least once, and that nearly a 
quarter of married couples under 35 had 
used it at least once in the past year. 

+ Couples have, in general, consider- 
ably increased the variety of their coital 
techniques. scy’s study indicated that 
virtually 100 percent of American males 
who were having intercourse used the 
missionary (male-aboye) position much 
or most of the time; our survey shows that 
today, six percent of married men and 11 
percent of single men had not used this 
position in the past year. Three out of ten 
married males in Kinsey's sample used 
the female-above position at least oc 
casionally; in our sample, nearly three 
quarters do so. Only one out of ten mar- 
ried males in Kinsey's sample used rear. 
entrance vaginal intercourse occasionally 
or more often; four times as many of our 
married males do so. Fewer than a quar 
ter of the married males in Kinscy's study 
sometimes or often used side-by-side in- 
tercourse; half of ours do so. As for the sit- 
ting position, a favorite in many other 
cultures, fewer than one tenth of Kinsey's 
married males used it occasionally or 
more often, as compared with more than 
one quarter today. 

* Sexual liberation has resulted in 
measurable, and sometimes noteworthy, 
increases in the frequency of sexual inter- 
course by the single and the married, the 
young and the not-so-young. In Kinsey's 
sample, those single males between 16 
and 25 who were having sexual inter- 
course (with nonprostitutes) were, typical- 
ly, doing so some 23 times a year (this is 
the median. or mid-poi half of these 
males were having less intercourse than 
this, half were having more). In the 
Playboy survey, the median frequency for 
single males between 18 and 24 who are 
having intercourse is 33 times a year, a 
definite, though not remarkable, increase. 
In the case of young single females, how- 
ever, the increase is both definite and 
remarkable: In Kinsey's time, single fe- 
males between 16 and 20 who were hav- 
ing intercourse were doing so about once 
every five to ten weeks, and those between 
21 and 25 about once every three wecks; 
in our study, single females between 18 
and 24 who are having intercourse are do- 
ing so with a median frequency of more 
than once a week. The married, similarly, 
show increases in coital frequency—and 
in every age group. In Kinsey's studies, 
the frequencies based on male statements 
differ here and there from those based on 
female statements, but if we assume that 
the truth lies somewhere between them, 
the median frequency for married people 
25 or younger, a generation ago, was 
about 130 times a year; today, to judge 
from our sample, the figure is about 154. 
"T he increases in older groups are propor- 
nately larger: For the ages of 36 to 45, 
for instance, the Kinsey median was some 

(continued on page 194) 


that's what a nice girl like me is 


doing in a place like this. 


"I'm а hooker. 


/ 


tm. 


e 4 


she dreamed of 
dancing, of love, of a 
new life —and dr. rokoff 
was the door to it all 


WHEN 

THE 
AMERICANS 
CAME 


fiction By ANTHONY AUSTIN 


f 


pa. ROKOFF had not expected ` 
anyone that afternoon—his 
few remaining patients came 
at fixed intervals—and the pro- 
longed ringing at the door of 
his one-room office and home 
seeped into his dream as part 
of the clamor that had come 
over Shanghai in the month or 
$0 since the end of the war. He 
saw himself, in this dream, at 
a soiree at the czarist officers’ 
dub, perusing one of the local 
English-language newspapers 
with the help of his pocket 
dictionary. The newspaper re- 
ferred to the war tidily as 


ILLUSTRATION BY ARSEN КОЈЕ 


PLAYBOY 


92 


World War Two. He contemplated the 
others, standing silently with bowed 
heads. “Gentlemen, put this down in 
your field dispatches: September 27, 1945. 
We are outflanked. Our World War, the 
World War, is now only World War 
One.” From the wall a painting of Nich- 
olas H in an admirals uniform gazed 
vacuously into the middle distance, as 
though the Autocrat of All the Russias 
were secretly passing wind. Dr. Rokoff 
downed a yodka, killed the taste with 
some herring—vile stuff both, the buffet 
was better in World War One—and dri 
ed out into the night. 

Along Avenue Joffre the American 
soldiers lurched, singly and in groups, 
as hands plucked at them and faces, white 
and yellow, male and female, beckoned 
and leered. In the slashing neon light 
outside the Renaissance Café the downy 
face of a young American sailor rose be- 
fore him. "Uh . . this where they've 
got that White Russian colony you hear 
about?” Dr. Rokoff could understand 
that much. "Yes. Shanghai has several sec- 
tors, you see. We are in the French Con- 
cession, where most of us Russian émigrés 
are living, although some of us are liv- 
ing also in the International Settlement. 
There are also the Chinese sectors: Nan- 
tao and——" “Uh . . . is this where you 
get them White Russian girls?” Dr. Ro- 
koff turned angrily on his heel; he was 
suddenly back in his room, sitting at his 
desk, and an American Army officer in a 
meticulously pressed uniform filled the 
doorway. “Dr. Constantine Коко?” Dr. 
Бокой stood up. "Yes." "We have dis- 
covered what you have been doing. We 
are confiscating your license. Have you 
anything to say in your defense" The 
ofhcer took off his gold-braided cap to 
wipe his forehead in the steamy noonday 
heat; he had meticulously parted steel- 
gray hair like General Zubronoff’s during 
the retreat before the Bolshevik offen- 
sive in eastern Siberia. Dr. КОКОН was 
ashamed of the room’s peeling walls and 
his own seedy appearance. The ringing in 
his head grew louder: he woke up. 

"Horoshó, odni minüku," he called 
out. "All right, one minute." The ringing 
ceased. He lifted himself heavily off the 
couch and straightened the bedspread to 
hide the sheets underneath. How faded it 
was, the embroidered flowers smudged 
and torn. He folded the material partly 
under, partly over the pillow, as his wife 
used to. Dousing his face in a basin of 
cold water behind a folding screen—run. 
ning water was not yet fully restored—he 
put on his white coat and went to the 
door. 

“Doktor Rokoff?” 

It was a young woman, smiling uncer- 
tainly. A tall. elderly man stood behind 
her. "Ya nadyéus," she said. "I hope—” 

“Yes?” 

“I didn't know if you received patients 


in the afternoons. 1 couldn't find your 
name in the telephone book.” 

“Please come in.” 

He studied them warily across his desk 
when all three were seated—the girl with 
her narrow shoulders and pinched, un- 
painted face, the gaunt man sitting ram- 
rod straight beside her. The girl placed 
her hand on the man's arm and the man 
took off his pince-nez. “My wife,” he said, 
with a ceremonious nod toward the girl, 
whom Dr. Rokoff had taken to be his 
daughter, “my wife wishes to work in the 
Arizona Bar.” 

“1 beg your pardon?" 

“That is why we are here.” His grave 
voice and manner would have befitted a 
government minister reporting to the 
cabinet. 

“Tsee.” 

“We have discussed it 

“Oh—well. .. .” 

“Exhaustivel 

“Then what is there left to say? Please 
keep me in touch with further develop- 
ments.” Dr. Rokoff's head ached and he 
felt put upon. Derelicts he could contend 
feeble-mindedness was too much. 
‘ow, if you'll excuse me——" 

“Doctor,” the girl intervened, 
my husband, Ilya Stepanych Go 
a night watchman at the Jardine Math- 
eson Company warehouse.” 

“1 shall bear mind. Also that you 
wish to work in the Alhambra Bar.” 
‘Arizona Bar.” 

‘Ah, yes. Now” 

“1f you can fix my leg." 

"Oh?" 

“If you can straighten it.” 

Even in the dimness of the stairway, 
Dr. Rokoff had been aware of some trou- 


aslant, a mixture of delicacy and Russian 
peasant in her face—he realized that she 
reminded him of Maria. though his wife 
had never been this preity. Perhaps their 
daughter would have been. The past 
clung to him these days like a bad con- 
science. What he had felt, seeing his door- 
way unexpectedly alight with this young 
woman with eyes brimming with 
what?—something he couldn't find a word 
for—life?—was, he realized now, a 
tremor very like joy. It was part of his un- 
hinged state since the end of the war, no 
doubt 

“What is the matter with your leg?" 

“I broke it ice skating." 

“When?” 

“Three and a half years ago. A doctor 
put it in a cast. But afterward, it was 
crooked." 

The husband, as though hearing his 
cue, leaned forward, placing an envelope 
before Dr. Rokoll. and sat back trium- 
phantly. "Sixty dollars, American cur- 
rency.” In faded violet ink, in curlicued, 
old-fashioned Russian handwriting, the 
envelope bore the words NINA'S LEG. 

Dr. Rokoff was aware that the long 


silence was lending itself to misinter- 
pretation. 

"Nnn-da." the husband said. "Mmm- 
yes" as though prepared for this out- 
come. “All right. I'll sell my stamps. That 
should bring another fifty American dol- 
Jars, Lam sure.” 

The girl touched his arm again. “Il- 
yusha, I told you, we're not selling your 
stamp collection. Doctor, will you let me 
pay you the rest in installments? You see, 
now that the Americans have arrived 
well, we hear that the Americans pay 
well for dancing with them.” 

"Just dancing?" The words escaped 

he wished he could unsay them. 
She regarded him coolly. "And talking 
a little. 

“My wife speaks excellent English,” 
the husband offered. With his long, cloud- 
ed face and shabby suit, he did remind 
Dr. Rokoff of those cabinet meetings 
in Vladivostok. The Provisional Govern- 
ment of the Maritime Territory. no less. 
When was that—1921? Dr. Rokoff, just 
turned 30, was assistant minister of public 
health. They met interminably, plying 
onc another with judicious observations 
on the demoralized state of the Bolshevik 
government in Moscow, avoiding the ob. 
vious: their own imminent military col- 
lapse. Then the last railroad station. The 
last border town. White sheets over Chi- 
nese padded coats in the glistening Man- 
churian snow. Maria pulling the tiny 
white-painted sled with their infant in it. 

“We had hoped,” the husband contin- 
ued, "to have one hundred American dol- 
lars saved up by the time the war ended. 
A colleague at the warehouse was able to 
change Occupation tender into American 
currency for us, Akh, what you cannot 
change on the Shanghai black market! 
However, the war ended too soon.” 

Too soon, yes. Poor fellow. When- 
ever the war ended would have been too 
soon for you. For me, too. The Japanese 
Occupation—wonderful, wasn’t it? Like 
being immured. At last. You with your 
Nina and your stamps. Me with my. 
Now the doors have been blasted out of 
their frames. What are we to do, we dam- 
aged ones who prefer the dark? 

He went around the desk. The girl 
wore flat shoes. The right shoe was only 
partly laced: a strap sewn onto the hecl 
buttoned around the leg. “Please lift your 
skirt,” he said. "Higher." It was a shapely 
leg, finely boned, and bent perceptibly to 
the right below the knee. She tensed 
when he took off the shoe and removed 
the doth wound around the instep. She 
did not cry out when he pressed the sole 
of the foot, but he saw her eyes singed 
with pain. 

‘The Russian colony was full of incom- 
perents. There were people practicing as 
doctors who would not have been male 
nurses in Russia. One of them had turned 
the journalist Filipoff into a morphine 

(continued on page 208) 


SACHEEN 


ms. littlefeather—thrust 
into the spotlight on oscar 
night—has managed to 
combine a career and a cause 


OU DON'T EASILY FORGET а name like Sacheen Littlefeather— especially if it's 
associated with a face as arresting and singular as hers. The first time most 
people encountered Sachéen Was at the Academy Awards ceremonies last 
March, when she made an unscheduled appearance to announce Marlon Bran- 
do's rejection of the Best Actor award. "I was acting less on behalf of Brando,” 
Sacheen explains, “than as а representagiveOf the American Indian Afirmative 
Image Committee.” Political activism is a big part of the life of the 26-year-old 
Apache, but only part of it. "Most reporters," she says, “glossed over the fact that I'm 
an actress. So far, Гуе had only a couple of cameo roles-*in The Laughing Police- 
man with Walter Matthau and Freebie and the Bean with James Caan—and one E 
minor part in an Italian film, America. But I've learned to be patient and develop a Jr 
of humor about my work, I mitan, why else would I play a prostitute in America 12249171 
if 1 didn't want to get back at all those. Italian actors who play Indians f. pem иф E e 
thinks the dues paying is worth it. "Acting makes me happy," she says. “E only ence otter hor oneourcement 
hope 1 can make others just as happy watching me." No problem there, Sacheen. ot the Academy Awards show. 


“If there was any one event that finally made me proud 
to be an Indian, it wos the foke-over of Alcatraz by Bay 
Area 1969. | was attending college ot the time 
and, frankly, Yd always felt litle but shame for my In 
dian heritoge. But Alcatraz changed all that—and me, too.” 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MICHAEL KORNAFEL 


Thou art not for the fashion of 
these tim 

Where none 

promotion. 


will sweat but for 


Shakespeare said that. He said every- 
thing, asa matter of fact, and although he 
did not live long enough to meet these 
seven promoters personally, he would be 
pleased to know that they conform to his 
dictum. They are among the country's 


article 


By STEPHEN YAFA 


most successful promotional and public- 
relations people; by the rigorous applica 
tion of energy, intellect and muscle, they 
have turned chutzpah into cold hard 
cash. Lots of it—for themselves, their 
families and sometimes even for their 
clients. While they are out there making 
all this money, they ате also determini 

what records we buy, what film stars u 

рау to see, what sporting evenis we go to, 
where we build our vacation homes, what 


ILLUSTRATION BY BILL UTTERBACK 


under our arms, in our mouths, 
on our fect and over our privates. 

How do they do all this? H's easy; we 
help them. Asa people, we love to be pro- 
moted, there is so much security in letting 
someone help us make up our minds. Our 
Government, for instance, is alway: ' 
to help: For decades it sold us the Yellow 
Menace; then overnight, as our President 
shook hands with Chairman Mao, it sold 
us instead the Yellow Compatriot, and we 


seven fellows who've never lost a nickel underestimating the taste of the american public 


bought that. In fact, we owe our very 
existence lo one of history's great pro- 
moters, Christopher Columbus. You re- 
member him—he promoted the idea of a 
New World to Queen Isabella of Spain 
and then went out and discovered it 
There are no hard-and-fast rules in pro- 
motion as to whether the product actu 
ally exists. As women and other great 
promoters have known down through 
the centuries, suggestion is often more 
enticing than reality. 
The following seven Wunde 

derstand all this and more. They 

our needs before we do, and the 
them. It's not just being in the right place 
al the right lime, they say, it’s discipline. 
Slay with it, maintain self-control and 
don't look back. You should be prepared 
to lose everything, but if you start with 


nothing, there is little downside risk, so 
slop worrying. Go do it. 

hey did. And while some of them 
seem 10 be speeding through life like mar- 
athon runners past a picnic, at least a few 
have taken time off to enjoy the rewards 
of thetr own success, That, for any of us, 
may be the hardest discipline of all. 


PUBLICIST JIM MORAN knows more about 
everything than you and I will ever 
know; yet. in spite of this handicap. he 
тапар life. What he does for 
his living is а $150,000-a-year mystery. It 

something like this: A sane busi- 
nessman with a new product decides to 
find an unconventional means of publi- 
cizing it; being both sane and convention- 
al. he seeks the assistance of a sympathetic 
maniac. Others who have been through 


this sort of thing refer him to James Ster- 
ling Moran. “He likes his booze.” they 
say, attempting to suggest that Moran 
isn’t quite as crazy as he may appear 
The businessman then meets with him in 
Moran's П.тоот New York apartment 
and is offered the opportunity to pay 
Moran а $3000 “30-day cogitation fce." 

Wiping up his spilled martini, the busi 
nessman asks what he might expect to get 
for his money. 

Nothing," Moran replies. "Or every 
thing. During that thirty days I shall 
devote myself to research and develop- 
ment of ideas. I may solve your problem 
or you may blow three grand. In either 

ay Б 
then wish me to implement my ideas, it 
will cost you between thirty-six and fifty 
thousand dollars, plus expenses. Frankly. 


n't return your money, If you 


97 


PLAYBOY 


compared with a one-minute commercial 
on TV, I'm a great fucking bargain.” 

It is necessary to Moran's stratagem 
that he remain an anonymous benefactor 
to his client. He won't discuss his present 
projects nor the companies employing 
him. He gets paid to dissemble publicity 
as news; if he blows his cover, the news 
story loses its credibility. Reporters back 
off. “Christ,” they shout, “it's another one 
of Moran’s stunts; we've been had.” 

Familiarity sometimes breeds con- 
tempt. City editors grow wary, but in 
Moran they are dealing with a former 
newspaperman who saw the light; Moran 
knows their problems, what turns them 
on and what puts them off. "If my ideas 
are good,” he asserts, “it's their obligation 
to cover them.” 

Among the several hundred Moran- 
inspired incidents they've been obliged 
to cover: 

* A bizarre accident in front of the 
United Nations Building: A kid on a 
white horse bearing a lance roams the 
streets of New York to promote a local 
hotel. Nobody pays much attention. But 
in front of the UN he lurches forward, his 
lance punctures the radiator of a taxicab. 
Water shoots into the air. There is a terrif- 
ic commotion, a threat of violence; news- 
men from the T'imes and Post and Daily 
News and Associated Press rush to cover 
the story. Photos are sent out over the 
wires and in them the name of the hotel 
is prominently displayed. Only much 
later is it revealed that this apparent acci- 
dent was a staged coi nce; that the 
taxicab driver was, in fact, an employee 
of Moran's and that the shooting water 
resulted from a small pump having been 
concealed within the cab's radiator. 
Moran scores again. 

* A camel crosses Manhattan. laden 
with Persian rugs and parks in front of. 
the New York Times Building: It won't 
budge. When people stop to inquire, its 
Bedouin keeper explains that there was to 
be a Persian-rug sale at Madison Square 
Garden. But the Times will not run an ad 
for it—no room, they say. So the camel is 
boycotting the Times. Curiosity mounts. 
Camel dung messes the sidewalk, the 
Times reneges, runs the ad, as well as a 
small news item, and $2,000,000 worth of 
rugs are sold in Madison Square Garden. 
Chalk up another for Moran. 

* The same camel becomes the first 
customer of the One Hump Camel Wash. 
In a parking lot next to Toots Shor's, 
photographers gather to shoot the event. 
"They get a picture of a sudsy camcl balk- 
ing at the entrance while a desperate man 
tries to push him in. The man is .. . 
Moran . . . who owns the camel and has 
as his client the detergent manufacturer 
whose product name is boldly displayed 
over the One Hump Camel Wash. 

n the line of duty, Moran has literally 
acted out some of our more venerable 
clichés, and has won considerable publici- 
ty doing it. It is he who once sold an 


‘box to an Eskimo, found a needle in a 
haystack (it took 82 hours) and changed 
horses in midstream. 

But none of Moran's professional esca- 
pades are as intriguing and complex as 
the man himself. Thrice married and di- 
vorced, he lives alone in his baronial West 
End Avenue apartment—a baroque af- 

ir cluttered with exotic impedimenta 
including pith helmets, clawed traps, 
gongs, a hand-carved embossed antique 
piano, Balinese masks, Venctian wall 
carvings, animalskin drums (in each 
bathroom), zithers, tapestries, "Turkish 
hookahs and a 10,000-volume library. He 
carries himself with the bearing of a pro- 
fessor, an illusion further enhanced by 
his long gray-lecked beard, his soft, pre- 
cise tones, his scholarly mien. 

The haughty posture represents a per- 
fect front for the madman within. He 
will, for example, appear as a guest on 
the David Frost show and listen pa- 
tiently to a computer expert explain his. 
most recent digital discovery. Eager to 
assist, Moran will stroke his beard and 
ask: “You're familiar, of course, with 
De Groots principle of the excluded 
thirteenth?” 

"The computer expert clears his throat, 
studies the somber, erudite gentleman 
beside him and nods. "Of course,” he 
replies. Sweat forms on the upper lip. 
Please, God, change the subject. And 
when in time the computer expert rushes 
back to his books to learn of De Groot, he 
will find there is no De Groot. No princi- 
ple of the excluded thirteenth. Only that 
«тату fellow sitting beside him in front of 
millions giving him acute gas pains. 

It is this sort of action that Moran, 65, 
loves and lives for. Women come a close 
second. “Someone defined youth for a 
man as a time when a woman can make 
you happy and miserable; old age as a 
time when women make you sad; and 
middle age as a time when women make 
you only happy. By that definition I'm 
middle-aged,” says he. His emphatic tone 
carries a suggestion of defiance: Others 
may go gentle into that good night, but 
not Jim Moran. “My sex life has never 
been better," he reveals. "Never." It is 
aided and abetted, he explains, by ten 
women in their early 20s who respect 
Moran's wisdom, delight in his classical- 
guitar virtuosity and have only good 
things to say about his physical prowess. 
"With me they get no deception, no lies. 
1 rotate ‘em through here pretty good. 
And taking notes along the way: He 
recently published How I Became an 
Authority on Sex. 

What prevails is a sense of detachment. 
In the end, he must be by himself in order 
to create; permanent relationships com- 
promise the privacy of one's thoughts. 
Suddenly now an idea comes into his 
head. He reaches for a tin of Dr. Rum- 
neys Mentholyptus Snuff; he taps the top 
three times for luck, snorts a hefty noseful 
and gares out through watery eyes to the 


polluted Hudson below. Tomorrow an 
ostrich will be discovered laying eggs on 
the mayor's desk; news reports will be cer- 
tain to disclose the name of the moving 
company that has been mysteriously 
called in to transport the bird from city 
ball. Only later will it be revealed. . . - 


What: (a) weighs 365 pounds, (b) es- 
corts nude women to airports in the line 
of duty and (c) once insured a pair of 
siliconed breasts for $1,000,000? 

"The answer to all three of the above is. 
Davey Rosenberg, who bills himself as 
“the world's greatest press agent.” Well, 
the bulkiest, at any rate. Davey, 37, credits 
himself with the rise to glory of that p. 
ticular art form known as topless enter- 
tainment. “All I had to work with was a 
Rudi Gernreich swimsuit and a flat-chest- 
ed cocktail waitress named Carol Doda,” 
he explains by way of historical perspec- 
tive. That was back in 1964. The Beats 
had filtered away from the North Beach 
area of San Francisco, leaving behind sev- 
eral hundred Italian restaurants and sev- 
eral million tourists from Kansas City 
looking everywhere for a little action. 
Along came Davey, fresh from promo- 
tional alliances with several pro athletes. 
He was after, well, bigger things. Just 
then, as serendipity would have it, he ran 
into a North Beach nightclub owner who 
sought to boost trade by snipping the bra 
straps off his go-go dancers. Davey, master 
of the malapropism, tells it best: "I'm in 
the Condor and Pete comes over to me 
and he says to me, "Davey, I got some busi- 
ness I want you to help me curtail.’ So I 
say OK, but now I gotta find a handle. So 
Im walking down the street, it’s four 
А.М. and I see on the newsstand this 
picture of a four-year-old girl in a topless 
bathing suit. So bells ring! "That's it— 
TOPLESS! I personally am responsible 
for the name topless entertainment. 1 
personally put topless in the dictionary. 
Then later we branched out, of course, 
into bottomless. I had a whole bunch of 
merkins made up special for the event 

In the meanume, it was press agent 
Rosenberg’s task to keep the customers 
packing into Big Al's, El Cid and other 
nude nighteries that rim Broadway in 
North Beach and ream tourists to the 
tune of §2.75 per drink—lots of wa- 
ter, a spray of Scotch, and don't order 
champagne. 

“For a while,” says Davey, “people used 
to come just to watch Carol Doda’s tits 
grow. They growed from a 34-B up to a 
44-D. When they stopped growing, I 
stepped in with a few campaigns. I'm al- 
ways thinking, thinking, thinking . . . 
and what I don't think up myself I steal. 
So one day I see in the paper an item on 
Grauman's Chincse Theater. So I got 
fresh cement poured in front of Big Al's 
on the sidewalk and I stage a press confer- 
ence and I have all our big-name topless 
entertainers lie down and stick their 

(continued on page 102) 


“What about me? I'm hungry, too.” 


FAD WARMER 


for the man on the move, a festive 
break in those setting-up exercises 


THE TIME IS MOVING bày plus one; the 
place, your new digs, where the 

furniture hasn't even begun to scrape up 
acquaintances with the floors and 

wallls; the people, a number of your 
easygoingest friends from your old 
fiefdom. You can be sure that when you 
phone your invitations, your invitees will 
get the impression—what with the 
nerve-wrenching ordeal of uprooting, 
transporting and replanting—that you're 
the captain of the Titanic asking them to 
join you on the bridge. And that's the 
secret of your party's success. The very 
fact hata (continued on page 182) 


food and drink By THOMAS MARIO 


PLAYBOY 


jHEIPROTTIOTERS| (continued from page 98) 


boobs in the wet cement. I called it a 
landmark of busts. What happened? I got 
arrested, that's what happened. For dis- 
turbing the peace. Fine with me. Press- 
wise, the police are my greatest ally." 

The sidewalk—riddled with craters— 
was later decreed a safety hazard by the 
city’s Public Works Department and re- 
surfaced. So Davey moved on. He man- 
aged to get La Doda's breasts insured 
with Lloyd's of London to promote her 
return to Broadway. Thinking, thinking, 
thinking all the time, he ushered in San 
Francisco's first topless Santa Claus, nude 
nubile bathers in the city's newest public 
fountain and topless Berkeley coeds. 

Says Davey, less humble than large, 
“The day I die, the street will die." 

His greatest challenge: to get Carol 
Doda on the Johnny Carson show. It 
would seem to be a natural, but not to 
Johnny, who wants no part of such parts. 
Still, Davey keeps trying. A nonswinging 
bachelor devoted to his mother and fa- 
ther, he delights in his own success. De- 
spite women’s lib, the decline of 
guilt as traditional American neuroses— 
and even despite the Supreme Court, as 
of the time this issue went to press— 
North Beach topless-bottomless clubs 
continue to prosper. They are about as 
erotic as pot cheese, but no matter. As 
long as Davey keeps pushing the prod- 
uct—for fat fees netting him “a good in- 
come for an illiterate"—people of both 
sexes will come and pay to visit “the 
adult Disneyland of the universe.” (Guess 
who thought up that phrase?) 

A somewhat vainglorious flack, Davey 
loves to be the center of attention; all 365 
pounds of him pout when ignored. 
Among those who have ignored him most 
recently is Henry Kissinger. Davey sent 
Henry unretouched photos of some of the 
girls who take it all off for the tourists. 
Why? "Look, Henry might come to San 
Francisco and be searching for a date. So 
l offered him his pick, plus а lifetime pass 
to the Condor. He never answered. Well, 
so Im not hurt, maybe he has other 
things on his mind." 

Future plans—"To diversify myself,” 
Davey confides. And, indeed, he has. He 
is now promoting San Francisco s first X- 
rated men's room, deep in the heart of 
the financial district. 

“WOOLF ESTABLISHES SPORTS LAWYER AS 
UNSIGNED STARS’ BEST FRIEND ON THE 
poreo UNE,” bannered the Sunday 
New York Times sports section early in 
1971. Directly under the front-page head 
ran a fourcolumn photo of Robert 
Woolf, Esquire, standing between hockey 
star Derek Sanderson and basketball star 
Calvin Murphy, two of the 300 pro- 
fessional athletes Woolf represents, ad- 
vises and promotes. In the photo, all three 
men smile with the certitude of those who 


102 know what it means to prosper: Exuding 


confidence, beatific, they impart an air of 
implacable trust in themselves and in the 
lavish, benign kingdom of sports. 

Eighteen months later, in his lawyer's 
Boston office, Sanderson is sitting across 
the desk from Woolf and nervously suck- 
ing the juice from the bones of his South- 
ern fried chicken lunch. He is grousing, 
cursing and miserable. Woolf consoles, in- 
terrupts to take an emergency phone call. 

Murphy. on the other end, is upset, 
frantic and edgy. The Houston Rockets 
aren't playing him, there are rumors 
afloat that he's about to be traded. Will 
Woolf check them out? 

“TI see what's going on. Cal.” Woolf 
tells him. "What? Buffalo? Hey, that 
might not be so bad. For Christ's sake, 

Yeah. Right. 
* Woolf hangs 


up. 
Sanderson licks his fingers, then his 

mustache. “Calvin's got trouble, too?" 
“Well,” says Woolf, “you know, they 

stop playing you for a few games, you 


to wonder.” 

“I know,” says Sanderson. “I fucking 
goddamn know.” 

Woolf smiles, places a call to the Rock- 
ets’ general manager. “I don't know why 
they think it’s their attorney's job to 
make sure they're playing,” he tells the 
man. “But when they get worried . . . 
well, you know. Cal's a little worried. If 
there's nothing to the rumor, I'll tell him, 
Ray, it will put his mind to case. It's not 
my business to interfere with a team’s or- 
ganization. Oh, thanks, Ray. Sure. OK, 
Г... fine, T'I tell him everything's OK. 
Well, you know, he wants to play, he 
wants to contribute; who can blame him? 
Bye. Ray." Woolf hangs up. 

"You can't fucking blame anybody for 
wanting to play the fucking game they're 
paid to fucking play,” Sanderson ob- 
serves, downing three French fries whole. 

Compared with Murphys, Sander- 
son's current problems seem massive and 
unsolvable—to himself and everyone else 
in the sports-crazed city of Boston; but 
not to Bob Woolf, whose grace under 
pressure is equaled only by his ability to 
navigate safely through the choppy wa- 
ters of professional sports. Notwithstand- 
ing the moral virtues pro sports are 
meant to exemplify in the American 
scheme of things, expansion has blown 
the lid off their integrity. Tammany Hall 
and Billy Sol Estes might profit from a 
study of the manipulations of many new 
franchise owners. In order to compete, 
they have been known to bid for players 
with money they don't have and with 
promises they can’t fulfill. Rec ats of 
their largess often wind up victims of 
their hype. Derek Sanderson is, at the mo- 
ment, such a victim. Tempted away from 
the Boston Bruins by a $2,600,000 con- 
tract with the Philadelphia Blazers of the 


World Hockey League—* Derek had to be 
the world's highest-paid athlete so he 
would feel it was worth while to play 
new league,” says Woolf—the sybaritic 
hockey star was benched after ei 
games. The Blazers claimed he was phys 
cally unfit to play. Sanderson and Woolf 
claimed that the Blazers couldn't afford 
to pay Sanderson and were trying desper- 
ately to dump him, preferably with a 
breach of contract on Sanderson’s part. 
For 30 Blazer games, Sanderson showed 
good faith by sitting it out in the stands. 
Mobbed by fans, yelled at to cut his hair 
by nonadmirers, he was permitted to 
hang around the Blazers’ dressing room 
fully clothed, but was not allowed by the 
Blazers’ management to don skates in any 
league game. 

As the man who helped get Sanderson 
into this bind, Woolf feels compelled to 
extract him from it—with dignity and 
with a just cash settlement, “This scene is. 
contrary to anything I've ever been in- 
volved in,” he repeats daily as he fields of. 
fers from other hockey clubs and parries 
questions from sports editors across the 
country. Occasionally, he pauses to ask a 
tor, "What would you do?” And on 
this particular afternoon, with Sanderson. 
munching toward the marrow of a chick- 
en leg, Woolf pauses to take a phone 
call from his mother, now 78. He has just 
finished speaking to the Rockets’ general 
manager in tones of easy authority, but 
confidence gives way to a son’s frustration 
when Mother phones. “Momma,” says 
Woolf, 45, “I've been doing this for three 
weeks" 

Later, he hangs up, smiling. “Му moth- 
er's telling me how to practice law. She 
doesn't want I should get discouraged 
with our problem, Derek. ‘If you come 
over, maybe we could talk it out,’ she tells 
me. Oh, gosh.” 

Sanderson snorts. “I'm going,” he says 
suddenly. He flips the chicken into a 
wastebasket. “I got a hot one lined up to- 
night. Last night was outrageous. All she 
wanted was to go at it, boom boom boom. 
"That's my kind. See ya." He stomps out, 
turns at the door and tells the visitor, 
“They don't make ‘em any better than 
Bobby.” 

Woolf's success does seem to prove that 
occasionally nice guys finish first. It helps 
to possess a shrewd analytical mind, and 
in sports it doesn't hurt to operate from a 
position of humility and boyish enthusi- 
asm. Way back, Woolf decided that ath- 
letes had replaced movie stars as national 
celebrities, With proper management, 
they could capitalize on their fame. Auto- 
graphed T-shirts, for instance. Personal 
appearances. Caricature wrist watches. 
Helmets. Bats. Sneakers. Talk shows— 
whatever the traffic would bear. Then, 
too, many professionals weren't getting 
paid as much as they deserved. A former 
collegiate basketball player caught up in 
crimina] law, Woolf entered the world 

(continued on page 222) 


funny thing happened on the way to the nascar chamfronship—damn near broke my ass 


memoir By “STROKER ACE" 
1 CAME WHIPPING into the pits at 97 miles 
an hour with all my brakes gone. This lit- 
tle move is absolutely, flat guaranteed to 
give everybody a little thrill right down 
the line—and 1 could see all the other 
crews hopping right up on top of the pit 


wall as T came past, with the car doing 
wide, sweeping fishtails. And when I 

slowed down just enough, 
1 doublecluiched the balls out of it 
and popped that rascal right into reverse. 
And I came sliding right up against 
Lugs Harvey's belly button. 


ILLUSTRATION BY MARTIN HOFFMAN 


He shook his head and then ran 
around to the driver side and stuck his 
big. sweaty face right into the window 
at me. 

I yanked down my mask. 

“Brakes,” I said. "No fucking brakes.” 


He nodded (continued on page 108) 103 


no doubt about it, 
world war eleven was 
some mother! 


The Beegle 


This is a beegle, the first mutant 
species that we discovered an our his- 
toric voyage shortly after World War 
Eleven.* It is a cross between a bee and 
оп eagle. Scores of these scucer-eyed 
birds swarmed about our ship as we 
neared the Panoma Straits. 

The beegle is a successfull species 
in its native hobitat, an obvious bene- 
ficiary of widespread radiotion. A 
worker beegle sucks the nectar from а 
palm tree, then flies to his mountain- 
side beegle hive to store his honey ina 
reat row of Ball jars. Then he performs 
his communication donce, a lascivious 
spectacle that resembles a cross be- 
tween the funky chicken and the high 
hurdles. The other creatures immedi- 
ctely make a beeline for the palm tree, 
aided by the extreme acuity of their 
many-faceted eyes (normal beegle vi- 
sion is 20-20-20-20-20, etc). 

Through all of this, the Great Bald 
Queen Beegle remains in the n. 
queen that we saw wore maroon 
and hummed with a lisp. We renamed 
‘our vessel the H. Ms. Beegle in his or 
her honor. 


“In Florida, this was known as World 
Wor Kathleen. 


"The*Buckaroo 


Cruising along the Isthmus of Australia enabled us ro study severol new 
species that have sprung up there*—notably, Һе buckoroo. As our woggish 
first mote put it, “Wallaby domned! This here's buckoroo country!” 

The buckaroo mating ceremony is frightening to behold. Two stags, 
competing for a piece of whitetail, lower their antlers, hop toward eoch 
other and crash in mid-air. The stog with the milder concussion is the 
winner. The mating act itself is o risky, dangerous affoir, and oral-genitol 
acts are often fatal. 

We found one young buckaroo that had punctured a hole in his mother's 
pouch ond fallen out. We named him Bamboo and nursed him back to 
health on а diet of beegle honey and Mexican jumping beons. 


Including the octopussy, the buffaleon and the kittyhawk. 


THE 
FALLOUT FOLLIES 


Eat your heart out, arles Darwin, 


humor By SCOT MORRIS and WAYNE MCLOUGHLIN 


The Blackhead 


This is an unretouched photo of the vicious blackhead, o cross between 
a black widow and a copperhead. Blackheads live on greasy ploins neor 
virgin forests and usually come out the night before o prom. Blackheod: 
mate once, offer which the female kills the male by squeezing its head off. 

We found o large blockhecd colony on the shores of Crater Pond, neor 
Hershey, Pennsylvonio, along with other unsightly animals such as the wort 
hog, the horny mole ond the ubiquitous hickey. One blockhead gor sore 
‘ond bit cur bumbling first mote with its poisonous Fangs. We hurried him 
back to sick bay for the only known antidote to a blockhead bite: massive 
doses of Cleorasil. 

Blockheads thrive on peanut butter and pepperoni pizzos ond are prey 
to mony natural enemies, including the tweezerbird and the ultraviolet 
lomprey. Their most formidoble enemy, however, is o cross between a dik-dik 
and a meadowlark—known os the Dik-Lark—which соп clear out on entire 
blockhead community in no time, leoving all mirrors clean ond spotless. 


The Armadildo 


This little bugger is an ermodildo, a 
cross between an armadillo ond a per- 
sonol vibrator. It is a nocturnal, burrow- 
ing onimol that ranges throughout 
North Americo—although colonies tend 
to concentrote in girls’ schools, in con- 
vents ond in the Houston suburbs neor 
Mission Control. 

Its fovorite hiding ploce is a top 
dresser drawer, undernecth the li 
gerie. Occasionally it comes out (3.2 
times per week, on the overage), tail 
wagging, to explore the underbrush. It 
digs smoll holes and it eots, roots, and 
lecves. 

Some of the ormadildos we sow 
were cronky, but only when they 
weren't given enough love. Usuolly 
they wolk around with а wry, cocky 
smile ond moke good pets: They come 
when they're called, they don't pester 
when the owner has a heodache and 
you can't hold a candle to them for 
cleanliness. 

In one subspecies of this breed, 
when on adolescent male reoches his 
13th birthday, he hos с big party ond 
onnounces, "Today | am a fountain 
pen." 


105 


106 


The°Bob-n-Ray 


With its tiny bobwhite’s head on its graceful manta ray's body, this ani- 
mol is a bob-‘n‘-ray. We kept one specimen an board ship for a while, but 
after caughing up a lat af dry humor, it gave a lost, plaintive mating coll— 
*"Wa-lee-balooal”—and died. We were sarry to see it go—it had been c 
gaad skate. However, we faund it had left us twa bob-‘n’-ray eggs in the 
crow’s-nest; and when they hatched, we nursed the infants an а diet of 
Piel’s beer. We named one of them Bab ond the ather Ray, but no ane 
could ever remember which was which. 

During the mating season. these animals skim across the water like giant 
Frisbees. They will mate with anything, a habit they have inherited from 
their manta-ray ancestar, ane of the most pramiscuaus species in the post- 
war world.* We saw ane manta ray making eyes at a Partuguese man-af- 
war. If there is an offspring, we will call it the Man a’ la Manto. 


*Our royal geneticist has been able te mate monta rays successfully with 
sugar care {producing the sugar ray), with a TV tube (the cathode ray) and 
with Charley the Tuna (the ray charles, of course). 


The Tortilla 


This is a fortilla,* a cross between a 
tortoise and а gorilla. It is found deep 
within the jungles af Mexico but acca- 
sionally can be found atop a thatched 
skyscraper, brandishing a native girl 
and fending off villogers in their crude 
airplanes. 

When aroused, the male tortilla 
stands erect and beats on the underside 
of his shell, producing a thunderaus 
shack wave that can be heard for miles. 
As a result, all tartillos are deaf. Their 
mating call is “Huh?” 

These animals are very cunning, as 
we discovered when cur jocular first 
mote tried to restage Aesap’s fable 
«baut the race between the tortillo and 
the horelip.** Our tartilla got an early 
lead, then stopped and lay down next 
о а stream, pulling its head and limbs 
inside its shell. We realized it was not 
asleep bur wos cleverly disguised as a 
covered bridge. When the harelip 
came along later, it ran full speed into 
апе of the darkened orifices. И didn’t 
come aut. 


*Nat to be confused with the burrita, 
which is a cross between a burro and 
о mosquito. 

**The horelip is another indigenous 
species, on indescribable mutation of 
о Hore Krishna fanatic and о tulip. 


The Mariguana 


This is a morigvana (Latin name: 
cannabis galapogos). He is much like 
ап iguona but is twisted at both ends, 
hos a pungent smell, and his nose is 
nearly always alight. 

He hos a stronge behavioral ritual: 
His eyes become bloodshot as his 
breathing pattern becomes irregular.* 
He will sit and stare at a sunset for 
hours, occosionolly emitting his moting 
call: "Ocooh-woww." Mariguanas will 
laugh at anything, including Cheech 
and Chong albums ond late-night re- 
runs of Gilligan's Island. They move in 
а slow, deliberate shuffle and often 
have greot difficulty remembering 
what it wos they started out to do. 

A hungry mariguano will eot any- 
thing in his path, We saw one consume, 
with no apporent ill effect, a whole box 
of vanilla wafers, a bowl of rodishes 
and a ketchup sondwich. 

Аз a mariguana ages, his ash gets 
longer, until finolly, at deoth, there is 
nothing left but the dark stub of his 
tail, about the size of a common house- 
hold insect. The young may stash these 
corpses in a secret common grave, but 
often swallow them under stress. 


He will take a long, deep breath— 
end hold it. 


*The-Vamoose 


The vamoose is с breed of flying, bloodsucking elk that inhabits the 
Transylvanion north woods. It is classified os an endongering species, os it 
comes out ot night to prey on unsuspecting giraffes or to lurk around the 
deposit windows of all-night blood banks. It always returns before sunrise 
to sleep in an abandoned World War Five bomb shelter. It con be blinded 
by the sight of a silver TV antenna but con only be killed by driving a hom- 
burger through its heort (due to the high price of o good steak nowadays). 

Our royal geneticist decided to breed a domestic, commercial vomoose 
by crossing a Beluga goosey and a bullwinkle.* The crew was rightly in- 
censed by this outrageous experiment and voted to keelhaul the royol 
geneticist. Bearing torches, they smashed down the door to his lab but were 
repulsed by the odor of guono. Our indelicate first mate dubbed it the 
Royol Ordure of Vamoose, at which point the crew voted to keelhaul him. 


“The former, a cross between an arctic dolphin and a Canadian goose; the 
latter, an amusing hybrid of a bullfrog and o periwinkle 


PLAYBOY 


108 buggers, they were slam 


I LOST ГТ Continued from page 103) 


and pulled his head out just as the whole 
right side of the car went up into the ай 
he crew had jacked it up and was snatch- 
ing off the wheels. Behind me, they be- 
dumping in the gas and, in front, 
Limpy Clawson came hopping up with 
that crablike gait of his. He had a cloth 
rag in his left hand and a paper cup 
full of cold Dr Pepper in his right. He 
stuck the cup in through the window at 
me, hitting the doorsill with the butt of 
his hand and spilling most of it right 
down into my lap. I drank what little 
there was left of it and tugged my mask 
back up, contemplating the prospect of 
finishing the race with sticky balls. Then 
impy swabbed off the window with his 
rag and stepped back just as the car came 
banging back down on all four. 

Poised over by the right fender, Lugs 
waved to get my attention. Then he drew 
asmall circle in the air with his left hand; 
he was holding his thumb and forefinger 
together. And then he held both hands 
out in front of him and motioned down- 
ward with the palms. And then he jerked 
his right thumb back toward the track. 

I hit the throttle and got the hell 
out of there. 

Lugs had just told me a lot. This is 
what Lugs had told me with his hands: 

“Mr. Ace, it sore grieves me to tell you 
that your brakes seem to be hopelessly 
shot. Ruined. There is no goddamn drum 
left, as you can see from the position of 
my thumb and forefinger. However, in 
my experienced mechanical judgment, 
you should be able to finish the race if 
vou will only take it easy, as I am indicat- 
ing by holding my palms down. And 
while you are mulling over these fear- 
some prospects, may I respectfully suggest 
that you get your ass back into the race, 
since we don't have that much time left. 
Ii sure was nice seeing you again here in 
the pits, but now you gotta go.” 

AII this took 26.7 seconds. Dr Pepper 
and all. 

Everybody does this, though maybe no- 
body in the world does it as well as Lugs 
Harvey, who can make a fast pit stop look 

ke he is directing the goddamn Mormon 
Tabernacle Choir through a tricky sec- 
tion of Handel's Messiah or something 
like that. 

We talk to each other this way for damn 
good reasons: (1) I have got cotton stuffed 
into both ears. (2) I have got my Bell hel- 
met over that with its big, padded ear- 
es and (3) who the hell wants to listen 
to Lugs Harvey talk about brakes in the 
middle of a race, anyway? 

I wound that sumbitch up as high as 
it would go in second gear and, while 
doing that, I looked all around through 
all the other cars for Turbo Ellison and 
Hack Downing. 

When last I left 


the two of them 
ing around the 


track in that order, front bumper against 
back bumper, as if they were welded to- 
gether. Turbo was leading the race. Hack 
was second. I am third. 

Take it easy, my ass. 

I cranked into the number-four turn 
and came howling back down the main 
straightaway—and out of the quick cor- 
ner of my eye 1 could see Lugs standing at 
the pit wall with the two stop watches on 
his clipboard. In a couple of seconds, 
when he got my time calculated, he was 
going to have something of a mechani- 
cal fit. 

And there was Hack Downing, 
bastard. Turbo was smack in front of 
and, going through the one-two tum, 
they looked all blurry and stretched out, 
like the longest race car in the whole 
goddamn world. 

Understand, now, everybody knows 
that Hack Downing is a drafting sum- 
bitch: He is known all over the South 
for it. 

Here is the way it goes: At top speed, a 
car churns up a whole lot of air turk 
lence behind it, and if you are riding a bit 
off to one side. it can suck the fillings 
right out of your tecth. But at the same 
time, just behind the same car—right 
smack behind it there is this little, nar- 
row envelope of q г. People who 
know all about physics have a proper 
term for this, 1 think. But race drivers 
around the South all know it just natu- 
rally and most of them don't know what 
physics means. They can't spell physics: 
they can't pronounce it; hell-fire, most of 
them would have a tough fucking time 
making the letter P. 

‘They all call it drafting. 

Any race driver with any balls at all 
knows that if he can ease his car right up 
behind, he can ride along inside this little 
breather space. Right away a couple of 
great things happen. One: He can back 
off just a little bit on his own gas. because 
the car in front of him is pushing all the 
air and doing most of the work. Two: 
He is actually conserving fuel, a factor 
that can just win the race for him if it is 
close. Three: If you really pin down that 
physics bullshit, there are times when he 
is actually going just a little teeny bit fast- 
er than the car in front. Thus, four: If his 
timing is really good, then he can pull off 
what is known as the slingshot. Now, I 
don't know what Christ's name Fin- 
stein called the slingshot, but consider 
this: When the car directly in front of him 
slows down just a touch for a hard cor- 
ner—well, then, just for that split second 
there, the back car is still going faster, 
see? So. if a driver is good enough, that is 
the precise second when he will whip his 
car around and pass the front car—sling- 
shoting out in front. 

Item five: Drafting also drives the 
front driver goofy. I mean, every time he 


t 


glances into his rear-vision mirror, he sees 
nothing but windshield and radiator be- 
hind him and the only thing he can do is 
trust the other driver a whole awful lot 
and pray to beat hell that nothing goes 
wrong on the track out there in front of 
him. Any frontrunning driver who hits 
his brakes at a time like that knows god- 
damn well that he will absolutely, 
promptly end up with a 4000-pound stock 
car right up his ass. 

And there was Turbo: screaming down 
the back straight, steady as could be. With 
Hack Downing right on his tail pipes. 

I touched my brakes going into the 
turn and got just about what 1 expected. 
Nothing. So I just stayed on the gas. I 
mean, what the hell. right? 

The force of the curve without any 
brakes was twisting the car on its frame 
and just about pulling me out of the seat 
toward the right-side door, and my damn 
heart and spleen and bowels and every- 
thing sloughed over to the right side of 
my damn stomach and hung there like 
tapioca pudding shaking. Tires howling 
to beat hell, I came up alongside J. К. 
Hoffman in his Olsen Garages Mercury 
and we rubbed door handles there for a 
fast second or two. Old J. R. always races 
with an unlit, dead contraband Cuban 
cigar clamped right in the middle of his 
mouth, and when I nicked him, 1 also 
glanced over at him: He bit the fucking 
cigar smack through and it fell away 
from his face somewhere into the inside 
of his car. 

Well, screw you, Hoffman. If you can't. 
race that sumbitch, you'd best park it. 

And now you, Hack, my boy. And I 
snuck right up behind him. At, oh, say, 
about 198 miles an hour. 

We all came off the number four like a 
damn three-car close-order parade and I 
could look up ahead and see old Hack 
hunch up his shoulders and hunker down 
his head when he suddenly saw me in his 
mirror. That’s not all I could sce: Just 
out of the edge of my left eyeball, I could 
see Lugs Harvey holding up a pit sign 
that had Ez smeared on it in giant chalk 
letters. And then he was gone. And then 
came the end of the straightaway, just 
like that. 

Easy, my ass. As we say in racing. 

Just ahead, Hack dropped his left 
shoulder just a teeny bit and hunched 
his head down even further. I knew 
what it meant. 

It meant that he was about to slingshot 
Turbo, that's what it meant. 

And, sure enough, he hauled right out 
10 the left and rifled up alongside Turbo. 

The space between them was thinner 
than a goddamn infield-concession stand 
hamburger. 

Good for Hack. 

Bad for Turbo. That's because 1 was 
tail-piping Hack and what neither one of 
them bastards knew was that / was the 

(continued on page 186) 


EXTRA PLAYBOY'S HISTORY OF ORGANIZED CAINE EXTRA 


it OLIGING UP THE 
BiG APPLE 


article By RICHARD HAMMER costello, luciano, 
Lansky and the others had better manners than their chicago 
counterparts—and more ambition. today, new york's booze; 
tomorrow, the gross national product 


(THERE ARE NO COMMEMORATIVE PLAQUES on the benches in New York's 
Central Park, but maybe there ought to be. The nation's elder states- 
man Bemard Baruch sat on one of them for years, holding court, 
philosophizing, advising, handing down judgments that would influ- 
ence the direction of the nation and the world. And just inside the 
southern boundary of the park on 59th Steet, there is another bench 
where, during the decade after World War One, an under- 

world elder statesman, Arnold Rothstein, held court. 
listened to propositions, philosophized and handed 

down advice. 

On a bright warm day in the сапу fall of 1920, 


Speakeasy roids were followed by a shart and somber cere- 
mony: A Prahibitian agent pedlacked the doors and posted a 
Ctostb sign that sent potrons in search of onather speak. 


mi 


A classic pre-Prohibition saloon, which (according ta Prahibitionists) taok food from the mouths af workingmen's children and ctherwise can- 
tributed ta natianal morol decay. After 1920, such salaans were replaced by illegal speck-eosies, most of which were converted back rooms 
‘and cpartments where thirsty Americans continued to wet their whistles with baatleg booze thet was either diluted, palluted or even poisanaus. 


relaxing on his favorite park. 
bench, Rothstein came to a de- 
cision that would send tremors 
down through the years. Pro- 
hibition had been the law of 
the land for nearly nine 
months, but it was clear that 
the law was barely enforce- 
able. There weren't enough 
Federal or state agents and 
many of them were easily 
bribed political hacks. And 
much of the nation, particular- 
ly the big cities, showed no in- 
dination to stop drinking just 
because the law said to. People 
were drinking just as much, 
and many would soon bc 
drinking even more. Only now, 
instead of patronizing a neigh- 
borhood saloon or a gilded 
night club, they were drin 
ing in the thousands of speak- 
easies that had sprouted since 
January 17 and that, though 
illegal, made little pretense of 
being anything but what they 
were and opened their doors 
to anyone who knew the pass- 
words—"Joe sent me.” And 
now, instead of buying stock 
for their private bars from 
neighborhood package stores, 
they were patronizing the 
neighborhood bootlegger. For 
liquor and beer and vine were 
still available, but not from 
legitimate businessmen; gang- 
sters had moved in and were 
selling booze “right off the 
boat"—which could mean that 
it really came right off the 
boat; or maybe from an illegal 
distillery; or was good stuff 
that had been cut, reblended 
and rebottled, watered down; 
or came from a homemade 


In 1929, crime became truly or- 
ganized when the country’s mast 
powerful mabsters assembled in 
Atlantic City ta gambol on t 

beach, settle their differences ond 
coordinate their criminal enter- 
prises “for the good of cll.” In 
the pointing (left to right) ore 
Meyer Lansky, Lucky Luciano, Al- 
bert Anastasia, Frank Costello and 
Dutch Schultz, whose contrariness 
resulted in his deoth four years 
later. Right: (1) Frankie Yale, dap- 
per Brooklyn baotlegger who 
crossed Chicago's Al Capone and 
became New York's first recorded 
victim of the Thompson subma- 
chine gun. (2) One af hundreds of 
nameless "hoads" gunned down 
on the streets of New York during 
Prohibition. (3) Legs Diomond, 
whose celebrated ability ta sur- 
vive serious bullet wounds was 
(4) put ta the test once too often. 


Inustralion by Kinuko Craft eller. Reginald Marsh circa 1929 


PLAYBOY 


still and was only a litle better than 
poison. 

During these early months, Rothstein— 
millionaire gambler, swindler, loan shark, 
fixer, friend and confidant of politicians 
and gangsters—had made no move to cut 
himself in for a piece of the action. He 
was essentially a loner, a man who wanted 
to run his own show his own way, But 
bootlegging, he saw early, was just too 
and too complex to be controlled by a 
single man, or even by a single organiza- 
tion, Rothstein, however, was wary of 
developing an organization of his own, 
because he didn't trust the intelligence 
or balance of the labor pool he would 
have to draw upon: the underworld. 
He understood that with hoodlums com- 
peting for control, violence was iney- 
itable, and he was a man who abhorred 
violence in most circumstances. He had 
no desire to cross the Federal authorities, 
for he was certain that they would make 
a major effort to enforce the law, at least 
at its outset. 

So Rothstein stood aside and let others 
open up the business and take the initial 
risks, Some he financed, provided with 
bail and lawyers when they were arrested 
(and, as security, in addition to the usuri- 
ous rate of interest a Rothstein loan en- 
tailed, anybody who borrowed from A. R. 
was forced to take out a noncancelable 
insurance policy, with Rothstein as the 
sole beneficiary). But that was all. How- 
ever, he watched and examined and 
thought. By the fall, he was convinced it 
was time for him to make his move. All 
he needed was the opportunity. 

It came on the warm day in Central 
Park. A Detroit bootlegger named Max 
Big Maxey" Greenberg had been run- 
ning Scotch and other good whiskey 
across the Detroit River from Canada 
since January and had done well enough 
to buy a fleet of trucks and open a string 
of warehouses. But the competition for 
good whiskey from Canada was incrcasing, 
driving the prices up. Most of Greenberg's 
money was tied up in the stock on hand, 
in his trucks and storage depots, when he 
was approached by a contact in Canada 
who could guarantee a continuing supply. 
of good whiskey. To secure the deal, 
Greenberg needed $175,000; he didn't 
have it. He went to his friend Irving 
Wexler: thief, sometime dope peddler 
and strikebreaker, now seeking to become 
a bootlegger and winning a reputation 
under the name “Waxey” Gordon. Н 
Gordon could come up with the money, 
Greenberg would cut him in as a partner. 
But in 1920—within a year, it would all 
change—Gordon didn’t have that kind 
of bank roll. He knew someone who did, 
however: Arnold Rothstein. Gordon took 
Greenberg to meet Rothstein at his bench 
in Central Park. 

Rothstein listened to Greenberg's pitch 
and questioned him dosely, his mind 
moving far ahead. When Big Maxey had 


112 finished, Rothstein turned him down. But 


Rothstein came back with a counterpro- 
posal. It was stupid, he said, to buy booze 
in Canada at the high prices caused by 
competition. The way to buy it was to tie 
up the production of whole distilleries 
right at the source, in England and Scot- 
land. Greenberg was intrigued, but that 
would take a hell of a lot more than 
$175,000. Don’t worry, Rothstein told 
him. He would make all the arrangements 
and would, instead of lending Greenberg 
the money in cash, cut him in for 
$175,000, taking as collateral his trucks 
and warehouses—thus giving Rothstein 
immediate transportation and storage 
facilities—and, of course, as much life 
surance as Greenberg could take out. 
And, in lieu of a finder's fee, Waxey 
Gordon would be given a small percent- 
age of the new partnership, and thus his 
hoped-for start in the business. Green- 
berg and Gordon agreed with alacrity. 

Rothstein set about the bootleg busi- 
ness not on a chaoticand random basis, as 
did most other early entrants, but with an 
approach copied from big business. He 
sent Harry Mather, a former Wall Street 
bucket-shop operator who had done jobs 
for him in the past, to England as his Fu- 
ropean agent. Mather was to tie up the 
output of good Scotch distilleries and 
make arrangements for shipping the 
whisky to a point just outside the Ameri- 
can territorial waters in the Atlantic. 
Within weeks of his arrival, he had 
bought 20,000 cases of good Scotch and 
leased a Norwegian freighter to haul the 
stuff to a point off Long Island. 

At home, Rothstein pulled together 
the other threads of the business. He 
bought half a dozen fast speedboats to 
carry the booze ashore and, to make cer- 
tain it got there with no trouble, he 
bribed the Coast Guard at Montauk 
Point not merely to look the other way 
when the freighter arrived but actually to 
help unload it onto the speedboats and 
even to carry some of it ashore in Govern- 
ment cutters. At the landing zone, he had 
the Greenberg trucks, protected by tough 
gunmen, and in Long Island City and 
other points around Manhawan, he 
leased warehouses to store the merchan- 
dise. And he cemented contracts both 
with other bootleggers and with the bet- 
ter speak-easies in midtown to purchase 
the Scotch. 

During the next 12 months, Roth- 
stein’s Norwegian freighter made 11 trips 
carrying booze to the man who had sud- 
denly become the most important dealer 
in illegal Tiquor in the East. But as the 
ship set sail on its 11th voyage, Rothstein 
was tipped that a new officer-in-charge 
had assumed command of the Coast 
Guard station at Montauk and was going 
to take the ship when it started to off 
load. Rothstein urgently signaled the 
ship. diverting it to Havana, where an 
agent of a sometime Rothstein partner, 
Charles A. Stoneham, sportsman and 


owner of the New York Giants baseball 


gle the whiskey into the States another 
way (though Rothstein's partners, Gor- 
don and Greenberg. were told that Stone- 
ham had bought the booze at cost, so 
there were no profits from the trip) 

"Though the final voyage of the Norwe- 
gian freighter had been turned from a po- 
tential loss into the usual profit of more 
than $500,000 for Rothstein, it gave the 
gambler pause, He had in a single year 
made several million dollars out of rum- 
running—or, in his case, Scotch-run- 
ning—but buying abroad and waiting for 
a shipment to reach the States tied up a 
lot of ready cash for months, and if, by 
chance, that shipment happened to be 
picked off by the Federal men, the money 
was irretrievably gone. There were, he 
figured, quicker and easier ways to turn 
Prohibition into a buck. Also, in his 
year as a whiskey importer, Rothstein 
discovered what he had suspected: Boot- 
legging was just too big for one man to 
control. There were too many people in 
it, all with big ideas about their own roles. 
and their own power; the competition 
was intense; he could not command 
events nor the actions of other people. 
This was not the game Arnold Rothstein 
liked to play, so he decided to get out—of 
importing, at least. 

After the freighter's final trip, he 
called in Gordon and Greenberg to tell 
them that it had been profitless—for 
them. And he told them he was quitting 
the racket; the business would be theirs 
after they paid up what they owed him, 
plus the usual high interest. They paid 
readily enough and without complaint. 
Then Gordon, with Greenberg receding 
to a secondary role as junior partner 
and aide, pyramided what Rothstein had 
started, becoming one of the leading il- 
legal liquor importers along the Atlantic 
Seaboard and one of the biggest over-all 
bootleggers in the East. By the end of the 
decade, he would be a multimillionaire, 
would own blocks of real estate in New 
York and Philadelphia, where he cen- 
tered his empire, would live in a castle 
complete with moat in southern New Jer 
sey, would own a fleet of ocean-going 
rumships, night clubs, gambling casinos. 
His Philadelphia distilleries would be 
cutting, reblending and rebouling booze 
for scores of other major bootleggers 
around the country for a share of their 
action. 

But Rothstein, although no longer im- 
porting, was not completely out of booze. 
In his year in the business, he had put 
together an efficient organization, and 
while much of it had been turned over to 
Gordon, Rothstein was not willing to let 
it all go. He owned pieces of some of the 
best speak.easies and he held onto them, 
turning their back rooms into h gam- 
bling casinos. And he had in his employ 
a killer named John T. Noland, who 

(continued on page 130) 


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113 


‘COME INTO MY PARLOR’ 


. . -says men’s hair stylist valerie lane, “and let me 
run my fingers and some scissors through your hair." 


Miss October lives just a 
short distance fram her wark 

at Mr. Ron’s in Newport 

Beach, Califarnia. “The shop 

is located in back af a group 
of affices, aff Pacific Coast 
Highway, the main drag. Sa 
we don't get a lot af walk-in 
customers who just see a sign 
and stop. But I'm always busy, 
which proves that word af 
mauth is the best advertising.” 


“just л TRIM, please. A little off the top, 
and leave the sides full.” “OK.” says the 
barber as he turns on his clippers—and 
proceeds to give you white sidewalls. It’s 
happened to almost all men at one time 
or another—not so often, perhaps, since 
the transformation of barbershops into 
"men's hairstyling” salons, but the pros- 
pect of hair spray and Hot Combs can still 
makea mana mite uneasy when he climbs. 
into that revolving chair. It's not that 
way, fortunately, at Mr. Ron's in New- 
port Beach, California, where Valerie 
Lane is ready and able to reassure all her 
nervous customers. “When I first started 


my job, I couldn't believe how uptight 
most guys were when they walked in. Usu- 
ally, they were carrying some wadded-up 
picture showing a great-looking guy with 
this tremendous head of hair, and they'd 
say, 1 want my hair to look like this" 
Well, that's fine, except they might have 
four hairs on their head, and they expect 
me to make them look like the guy in the 
picture. But I can identify with their ap- 
prehension. I was always scared to death 
to get my hair done for fear of what some 
beauty operator would do to it.” Keeping 
in mind that the customer is always right, 
Valerie handles these situations delicate- 


COLOR PHOTOGRAPHY BY BILL AND MEL ЕССЕ 


Although she notices a definite 
trend toward sharter hair 
styles, Valerie predicts that 
men will never return to the 
simple routine of a haircut, 
“Let's face it, men are peo- 
cacks, and naw that they've. 
gatten used to the idea 

that their hair can be styled ta 
really imprave their lacks, 
they're not abaut tc get aut 
the Butch Wax again.” 


ly. “I try to explain to guys that all faces 
aren't structured the same way and sug- 
gest ways to style their hair so itll look 
good for them. I mean, if someone with a 
really round face comes in, chances are 
he'll ask for a hair style that’s flat on the 
sides and full on top, thinking that'll 
make his face look longer. Actually, that 
would just make his face look fatter. I 
have to tell him chat the sides should be 
full, so his face will be better propor- 
tioned.” Valerie has been styling men's 
hair since she was graduated from high 
school in Long Beach. "I didn't want 
to go to college," she explains, "and 1 
wanted to make some money right 


15 


ay. At first 1 thought about going to 
beauty school, but a guy I was dating at 
the time kind of jol suggested that I 


become a men's hair stylist instead. ‘Hey, 
I said, ‘that’s not a bad idea.’ It sounded 
kind of fun, and there weren't many 
women doing it, so the unique aspect of 
the work appealed to me. I took a styling 
course and started. Mr. Ron’s is the only 
place I've worked.” But that's not where 
Eventually, I'd like 


she plans to stay. “ 
to open my own shop,” says Valerie. "In 
fact. I'd like to open a couple of them, 
and I sometimes fantasize that if they 
were successful enough, I'd have other 
people run and staff them. That way I'd 
have to work in the shop only a few days 
a week. That would be ideal.” Perha 

for her, but it’s certainly not the way a 
whole lot of customers would prefer it. 


Above right: One of a hair stylist’s occupational hazards—a few wisps of cut hair are whisk-broomed away by a fellow employee at Mr. 
Ron's. "When | first started doing this wark,” she says, “I only tried to make my customers happy. Naw I’ve learned to kind of bring 
the guy around ta my way of thinking by pointing out why his ideas may not be right far his face. So | make my customer and me hoppy.” 


Left: Valerie and colleague Dan Simmans begin a busy workday. Above: 
Having suggested a new hair style ta a new customer, Hugh Sackett, 
Valerie halds up the mirror for his final approval. After a moment of 
serious appraisal, Hugh's smile shows that it's obviously a job well done. 


Enjoying a needed day off, Valerie gets together with friends Diane and Joe Leaverton and Don Simmons for a picnic in nearby Loguna 
Canyon. Above: They toast Valerie’s dream of becoming an independent businesswoman when she opens her awn styling shaps. “First, I’ve 
get to think of something really clever to call them. ‘Miss Valerie's’ just doesn't make it. That sounds like some old maid's nursery school.” 


а 
g 
= 


Although she's never strayed far from the Southern California coast for any length of time, Valerie hos no urge to live anywhere else. 
"Some people might think I’m narrow for staying close to home all my life, but to me, it just means I'm perfectly happy ond have every- 
thing І need right here. | do some water-skiing, | love the ocean and! have my friends. | can't see any reason to go looking for more.” 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


The couple was divorced. but remained good 
friends. When the man happened to break his 
arm. he called up his ex-wife one night and 
asked if she could possibly come over to help 
him take a bath, and she readily agreed. After 
she had helped him into the tub and had begun 
washing his back, she noticed a change gradu- 
ally take place in his anatomy. 

“Now, isn't that sweet,” she coocd. "Look 
Harry, it still recognizes me!” 


‹ 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines breast-fed 
as a female FBI agent. 


Look,” said the rural general practitioner to 
the dejected mother of a dozen children, “I 
want you to put both of your feet in a ten- 
gallon crock when you go to bed at night and 
keep them there until you get up.” 

But six weeks later the woman returned, 
pregnant once again. "Didn't you follow my 
instructions about the crock?” asked the exas- 
perated doctor. 

"Well, sort of," replied the woman. "We 
didn't have no ten-gallon crock, so I had to use 
two five-gallon ones.” 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines pornogra- 
phy as cliterature. 


Adopting the metric system would have 
certain psychological advantages—such as 
being able to claim 18 centimeters instead of 
seven inches. 


While touring a Government building in 
Washington, a man had to visit the john. As he 
rejoined his tour group, he exclaimed, “Talk 
about bureaucracy! The graffiti were all neatly 
printed—and in triplicatel” 


A campus biggie went out for the first time with 


Every man should have a girl for love, сопь 
panionship and sympathy,” philosophized the 
wise old bachelor, “preferably at three different 
addresses." 


Not many people know that Sherlock Holmes 
had a secret vice unrevealed in the stories. 
When Dr. Watson came around to 221B Baker 
Street one afternoon, the housekeeper told him 
that Holmes had a visitor, а schoolgirl. Watson 
sat down to wait but then heard muflled sounds 
coming from the study. Fearing that the school- 
girl might be an assassin in disguise, he broke 
open the door, only to find the great detective 
and the girl—for it was, indeed, a quite young 
girl—engaged in a rather shocking form of play. 
"By Gad, Holmes," huffed the doctor, "just 
what sort of schoolgirl is this?” 

Smirked Holmes, “Elementary, my dear 
Watson.” 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines gay daisy 
chain as swish kabob. 


What time did you pull out this morning?" 
asked one bus driver of another as they washed 
up at the terminal, 

“I didn’t,” said the other driver, shaking his 
head, “and I'm worried about it.” 


The giant tackle had viciously slammed the 
ball carrier out of bounds directly in front of 
the visitors’ bench, As the big man got to his 
feet, the opposing coach, choking back an ex- 
pletive, gave him the finger. 

“What'd I tell ya?” chortled the tackle to а 
teammate as they trotted back to line up. 
“We're still number one!” 


I want someone who'll do absolutely everything 
I ask for as long as I want,” muttered the pros- 
pective client. 

“Lorraine's your girl," said the madam, “but 
it'll cost you five hundred bucks.” 

Lorraine, of course, insisted on the money up 
front, so the man handed it over and then pro- 
ceeded to outdo KrafftEbing's kinkiest case 
histories in his successive exactions. Finally, he 
produced a studded belt and set to beating the 
girl with it mercilessly. After a time, she gasped, 
"I can't . take much more! When . . . are 
you going . . . to quit?" 

"When you agree to . . . fulfill my next and 
final demand," panted the client. "Give me 
back my five hundred!” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
11. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“So many—and so little time.” 


123 


PLAYBOY'S 
FALL AND 
WINTER | 3 
FASHION (€ ; ттан 
FORECAST \ анаар. 
2 А $210; worn over a polyester-and- 
ج‎ at tire 4 $5 3 cotton shirt, by Enro, $14; sleeve- 


The urban renewal of country tweeds. 


less V-neck cashmere pullayer, by 
Gino Peoli, $30; and wool plaid tie, 
Do by Briar Tiemakers, $7.50. Above: 
29 эч Donegal tweed double breasted suit, 
` the definitive statement T чо Es $170, tone-on-tone satin shirt with 
on the coming trends in ah mediumspread callar, $25, both 
64 NS E by Pierre Cardin; and a wool knit. > 
‘square-bottom бе; by Resilio, $6.50. 


"Ву ROBERT L. GREEN | 


А boom market in belted coats ond 
sweaters. Above: Wool herringbone 
double-breosted coat with epaulets, 
$250, worn with double-pleated 
slocks, $65, plus a wool coble- 
stitchturtleneck, $65, oll by Ralph 
Lauren for Polo. Right: Acrylic knit 
showl-callar self-belted cardigan with 
patch pockets, by Londlubber, $25; 
Harris tweed slocks by Chaps 

division of Polo, $32; multicolor. 
check cotton shirt, by Excello, $20; 
осгуйс knit sleeveless V-neck pull- 
aver, by Levi's Fenotele, $13; and a 
plaid wool bow tie, by Chest Knots. $6. 


"Us FALL and winter will 

be the seasons of the 
which—the question being, 
of course, which outfits to 
select from the almost limit- 
less variety of looks that are 
now acceptable. Рет! 


open shirt? Or 

in rweeds, flannels. muted _ 
plaids, belted’ or- -wrap 
styles? Doit, just as long 
as whatever you choose dors > 


Fit to be tied. Right: Loden- 
cloth belted coot, about 
$170, herringbone- 
potterned slacks, obout $50, 
ond an eggshell knit turtle- 
neck, obout $20, oll by 
Calvin Klein. Far right: 
Gobardine shirt suit, by S 
Pinky & Dionne for Pretty = 
Boy Floyd, $110; and 

a geometric-print shirt, 
with matching bow tie, 

by Bouncing Bertho's 
Banana Blanket, both $30. 


Balancing your checks. Left: Herring- 
bone worsted cheviat self-potterned 
windowpane-plaid three-piece suit, by 
Arthur Richards, $185; and a cottan/ 
woal-plaid shirt, by Clydella for Eagle 
Shirtmakers, $26. Abave: Glen-ploid 
жоо! and Veston polyester dauble- 
breasted two-button jacket, $110, 
double-pleated slacks, $45, 

‘and on Art Deca combed-cattan 

shirt, $23, oll by J. Hornby of London, 


PLAYBOY 


SLICING UP THE BIG APPLE (continicajom page 112) 


adopted the name "Legs" Diamond (the 
Legs from his speed in fleeing from the 
cops during his pety-thieving days). 
With his brother Eddie, Diamond had 
worked for Rothstein as a strikebreaker 
and, when Rothstein moved into liquor, 
as a guard for the trucks. Now Diamond 
came to Rothstein with a new proposi- 
tion. While a number of big and tough 
outfits were coming to the top in the 
bootleg business, the highways were still 
filled with hundreds of amateurs trying 
to make a quick buck. They had little 
power or little ability to retaliate if they 
ran into trouble. Diamond wanted Roth- 
stein to turn him loose to prey on these 
amateurs; he and Eddie and their gang 
would hijack the trucks and turn the 
booze over to Rothstein to dispose of. 
Since Rothstein was into both wholesale 
and retail outlets for booze, he bought. 
the idea and financed the Diamonds. 

For а couple of years, it worked well. 
But by 1924, the amateurs were giving 
way more and more to the tough pro- 
fessional gangs. With soft targets scarce, 
Diamond went against Rothstein's orders 
and began to try his luck hijacking the 
professionals. One of those he picked on 
was William V. “Big Bill" Dwyer, an Irish 
exstevedore who, in partnership with 
a rising Italian mobster named Frank 
Costello, had moved to the top in the ille- 
gal liquor-importing business. Dwyer was 
the wrong guy to take on. He went to 
Rothstein and told him to call off Dia- 
mond or it would be open season on the 
hijacker. Rothstein, who was becoming 
weary of Diamond's penchant for vio- 
lence, anyway, and of the whole uncon- 
trollable bootleg racket, informed Dwyer 
that Diamond was running on his own 
and he wouldn't mind at all if Dwyer put 
astop to him. Dwyer tried: In October of 
1924, as Diamond drove down Fifth Ave- 
nue, a car pulled up alongside and 
pumped a load of shotgun shells at Dia- 
mond. Somchow, Legs received only 
minor wounds. Diamond. who would 
become one of New York's most conspic- 
uous and flamboyant hoods, couldn't 
understand it. “I don’t have an enemy in 
the world,” he said. But the shots had 
their effect; the Diamond mob fell apart; 
Legs became little more than a feared 
outlaw among outlaws, everybody's tar- 
get, who managed to escape both upper- 
and underworld retribution until 1931, 
when he was finally gunned down. 

The shedding of Diamond was Roth- 
stein's last direct involvement in bootleg- 
ging. He decided to let others take all the 
sks and remain, himself, strictly a pe- 
ripheral figure. He would bank-roll those 
who needed moncy at the usual high in- 
terest rates, He would, for a price, use his 
political muscle, which went to the top of 
Tammany Hall in the person of his close 


130 friend boss Charley Murphy and his heirs, 


to put the fix in when a bootlegger was 
arrested (and the fix was good: during the 
Rothstein years, of the 6902 liquor cases 
that went before the New York courts, 
400 never went to trial and 6074 were 
dismissed). 

By the middle of the decade, Roth- 
stein’s importance in bootlegging was al- 
most at an end. He had always wanted to 
be the top man in whatever he did, and 
that just wasn't possible in booze (a 
besides, he used to point out to friends, 
he himself didn't drink). He gradually 
turned his energies back to his first love, 
gambling—owning casinos and staying 
involved in some perpetual card game. 
His loan-sharking continued to prosper; 
he went heavily into jewel smuggling, a 
thriving business in good times, when the 
wives of the nouveaux riches were trading 
all their loose change for sparkling gems; 
and, in the last years of his life, he became 
more and more involved in narcotics, 
then a small but expanding business, 
sending his agent to Europe and the Near 
East to make purchases and supplying the 
big dealers in the underworld with the 
junk. In November of 1928, after welsh- 
ing on losses of more than $300,000 in a 
card game, Rothstein's life came to an 
end; he was fatally shot at the Park 
Central Hotel on New York's Seventh 
Avenue (no one was convicted of the 
crime). In another couple of days, he 
could have paid off his losses with a 
flourish: He had bet heavily on victories 
for Herbert Hoover in the Presidential 
election and Franklin Roosevelt in the 
New York gubernatorial race and when 
they won, he stood to collect nearly 
$600,000; further, even without those 
bets, there had been no need for Roth- 
stein to welsh, for the initial accounting 
of his assets revealed an estate of about 
$3,000,000. And if he had really been 
tight, there were scores of friends in the 
underworld who would gladly have come 
up with the money for him. 

As the years passed, Rothstein's influ- 
ence remained strong and he was con- 
stanly sought for advice; the philosopher 
of the underworld, constantly preaching 
cooperation and the most limited use of 
force, unconcerned with ethnic or reli- 
gious ties, butonly with intelligence, imag- 
ination, ambition and nerve—he made 
use of anyone who could help him, unlike 
most underworld leaders, who seemed 
unable to break free of traditional ties 
and suspicions—Rothstein had drawn 
into his orbit all those who would lead. 
the underworld in the years ahead. His 
ideas would influence their thinking and 
their actions. 

In the first years of Prohibition, three 
young hoodlums, then little more than 
hungry thugs, had been drawn into 
the Rothstein circle and were changed 
forever. They were a Calabrian named 


Francesco Castiglia, a Sicilian named 
Salvatore Luca: and a Polish Jew 
named Maier Suchowljansky. They would 
become infamous as Frank Costello. 
Charlie “Lucky” Luciano and Meyer 
Lansky. 

Born in 1891 in Cosenza in the south of 
Italy, Costello was the oldest. He arrived 
in New York at the age of four and settled 
in the Italian community in East Harlem, 
where, though considered one of the 
neighborhood's brightest boys, he took to 
the streets after finishing elementary 
school and became leader of the 104th 
Street Gang, a bunch of young Italian 
hoodlums. Afflicted early with throat 
trouble—the result of a slipshod opera 
tion to remove tonsils and adenoids when 
a child—he never spoke much above a 
rasping whisper and that soft voice 
seemed to lend added authority and im- 
portance to whatever he had to say. In 
these early years, he was considered one 
of the toughest young hoodlums in the 
area. By the time he was 21, he had been 
twice arrested and twice freed on charges 
of assault and robbery. In 1915, though, 
at the age of 24, he went to prison for the 
first time—and it would be 37 years be- 
fore he saw the inside of a cell again. He 
was convicted of carrying a gun and sen- 
tenced to a year. Released from prison, 
Costello promptly took up his old life. 
And he renewed a friendship he had 
made a year or so earlier, with Luciano, 
and teamed up with him in a steady pa- 
rade of burglaries, robberies and other 
crimes. With Prohibition, his world and 
his outlook altered. For many Italians at 
that time, it would have been unthink- 
able to form close friendships and lasting 
partnerships with Jews like Rothstein, 
Lansky, “Dandy Phil” Kastel and others, 
with Irishmen like Big Bill Dwyer, even 
with Sicilians like Luciano. But Cos- 
tello was an unusual man, unconcerned 
with background; he had married a 
Jewish girl named Loretta and would 
remain married to her for more than half 
a century, until his death this year. 

Six years younger than Costello, Luci- 
ano was born in the poverty-stricken sul- 
phur-mining town of Lercara Friddi in 
the Palermo district of Sicily. He had 
been brought to New York in 1906, where 
his family seuled on the Lower East Side, 
in a district teeming not only with Sicil- 
ians and Italians but with Jews as well. 
His formal education, like that of most 
‘of the mobsters, ended with elementary 
school, though while there, he developed 
a racket he would later use to earn mil- 
lions: He sold, for a penny or wo a day, 
his personal protection to the younger 
and smaller Jewish kids who were being 
waylaid and beaten on their way to and 
from school. In the streets, Luciano was 
soon leading a gang of young Sicilian 
toughs through their ghetto. It was not 
long before he graduated to bigger things 

(continued on page 156) 


LOT HAS BEEN HAPPENING around the world of Playboy 
A Clubs and Club-Hotels, we found as we begin our an- 

nual survey of Playboys Bunnies, who now number 
1000. In Los Angeles, the Club moved this summer from its old 
Sunset Strip location to brand-new quarters in Century City. 
Earlier, the Montreal Club had pulled up stakes and gone to 
new premises on Mountain Street, and plans for relocation of 
the Detroit Club are expected to be announced soon. After 
two-month summer closing for extensive remodeling, the Miami 


s reopening at the same address, on Biscayne Boulevard, 
but with a completely new look and expanded live entertain- 
ment. And overseas in England, the Portsmouth Casino Club is 
in full swing and the Manchester Casino Club is due to open 
shortly (with discothéque and restaurant as added attractions). 
All of this is being enjoyed by a record total of keyholders: just 
over 1,000,000. Warning: If you're one of them, and you 
plan to game with Playboy at its English casinos in London, 
Portsmouth or (soon) Manchester, (text continued on page 142) 


playboy presents its yearly array 
of international cottontarls 


Ploymate-Bunny Gwen Wong (above) divides her time 
these days between the new Las Angeles Ploybay Club 
and her fast-growing interiar-design clientele. In recent 
months, she’s dane the decor for three area homes and 


twa office buildings. New Orleans’ Jillian Bergamo (top 


right) is on animal lover whose ménage has included as 
many os five dags and cats at once; Phoenix cottontail 
Toby Ostreicher (right) used ta be a high schaal teacher. 


Battersea Fun Fair, an amusement park in London, provides a colorful backdrap 
for Bunny Zee Tomkins (above) of Playboy's Park Lone hutch; halfway around 
the world, the rocks at, White River Beach in Jamaica set aff the beauty of 
Bunny Bridge Ryan (below) af aur Caribbean outpast at Ocho Rios. At right is 
native Georgian Karin Sims af the Atlanta Ploybay Club; her goal is ta be а nurse. 


"Му ambition is to become a super Bunny," says Coke White 
(above) of Kansas City. Off duty, she keeps busy—and fi 

playing volleyball and baseball. “The only time | sit down,” she 
claims, “is ta watch a movie.” Great Gorge Club-Hatel Bunny 


Alyson Merkel (below) is on accomplished chareagropher. 


Travel tops the list of fovorite postimes for oll three of these Bunnie: 

(top left) of Boltimore, Jan Serott (еН) of San Froncisco ond Ter 

(obove) of St. Lovis. Jill olso roises tropical fish; Jon fences, designs clothes and 
hos spent two years tutoring underprivileged children; and Terri worked for o 
couple of seasons cs o dude-ranch hand and trail guide in the Ozork country. 


linda Sorensen (above) confides that she hates dieting ond smog. We can’t see why she'd need 
1o diet, but the smog may come with her territory: Los Angeles. Across the country, Boston's 
Sora Reynolds (top right) finances college studies by working as a Customer Service Bunn 
helping keyholders with reservations, local enterioinment orrongemerts ond the like. At righ 
the reigning Bunny of the Year: Coni Hugee of the Loke Genevo, Wisconsin, Playboy Club-Horel. 


Playboy Plaza Bunny Carol Vitale (left), our August 
1972 cover girl, has appeared in three af PLAYBOY's ar- 
nual Bunny pictorials; LA's Ruthy Ross (below), last 
year's Bunny queen, in two. This is a first, though, for New 
Yorks 1973 Bunny of the Yeor, Bonita Rossi (above). 


Nancy Turner (above) alternates wark at the Miami Club 
with closses in travel agentry—the better to visit her mum 
in Australia, at discount fores. Detroit's Corolyn Larkin 
(below) is c Tigers fan; Cincinnoti's Cher Miller (right), Miss 
Photogenic ot the Bunny Beauty Contest, o Bengels rooter. 


Denver cottontail Terri Johnson (above left), a hometown girl, hos hometown volves: She wants to get married ond raise a family. Simone 
Pertuiset (above center) attends Montreal’s McGill University ond plons to go into ogriculturol research. Portsmouth Casino Club Bunny Lor- 
raine Turrell (above right) confesses that she hates to go to bed at night—or get up in the morning, for thot matter. Chicogo's Sue Huggy (below) 
admits to wanderlust—which she frequently satisfies by working as a Jet Bunny aboord Hugh Hefner's DC-9-32, the Big Bunny. Kacey Cobb (right) 
of the St. Lovis Club hos set her sights on finishing her course of study in business and interior design at Washington University this yeor 


PLAYBOY 


142 а field that attracts a heavy proporti 


you must register on the premises 48 
hours in advance of play. That's the 
British law and it's ironclad. 

With the addition of the Portsmouth 
Club, ofücials for the Bunny Beauty Con- 
test found their job just a bit more difî- 
cult. Contestants at the pageant, staged at 
the Playboy Towers in Chicago, num- 
bered an all-time high of 22—up from 19 
when the competition started four years 
ago. But the judges—comedian George 
Kirby, actress (and Academy Award nom- 
inee) Cicely Tyson, writer-editor George 
Plimpton. columnists Jim Bacon. Maggie 
Daly, Irv Kupcinet and Dorothy Man- 
ners, Warner Bros. casting director Nessa 
Hyams and cartoonist-balladeer-poet- 
humorist Shel Silverstein—duly deliber- 
ated and came up with a winner: Bunny 
Coni Hugee of the Playboy Club-Hotel at 
Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. Black and beau- 
tiful, Coni received her bachelor's degree 
in retailing from the University of Wis- 
consin in May, “You know, I've never 
had a feeling like that in my life before,” 
says Coni of the moment her name was 
announced as Playboy's international 
Bunny of the Year. “I just wanted to 
throw my arms up and keep jumping 
around in a circle. 1 could hardly stand 
still long enough to get the crown put 
on.” With the title, Coni won a bonanza 
of prizes, including a replica of the classic 
Model A Ford and a free trip to Great 
Britain, which she's already taken. “1 fell 
in love with London,” she reports. But 
first place in her heart still goes to At 
lanta, a city in which she hopes someday 
to use her retailing savvy by opening a 
women’s ready-to-wear shop. 

Runnersup in the Bunny Beauty Con- 
test were New York's Bonita Rossi, a 
veteran of television. commercials who 
hopes to move on into motion-picture 
roles; Montreal's Maryse Larose, a native 
of Haiti who's a popular model in her 
adopted province of Quebec; San Fran- 
cisco's Nikki Johnson, member of a prim- 
itive-dance troupe and a featured dancer 
at Black Expo '73; Cincinnati's Cher Mil- 
ler, who first won national acclaim in 
1967, when she was a winner of Seventeen 
magazine's Be a Model contest; and 
Phoenix’ Vicki Snell, who also repre- 
sented her hutch in last year's contest. 

While awaiting the results, the 22 
Bunny finalists turned the tables by 
doing some voting of their own—and 
choosing their list of the Ten Most 
Beautiful Men in the World. They were: 
Muhammad Ali, Clint Eastwood, Senator 
Edward Kennedy, Joe Namath, Paul 
Newman, George Plimpton, Robert Red- 
ford, Burt Reynolds, Omar Sharif and 
Mark Spitz, Runners-up were Neil Arm- 
strong, Jim Brown, Robert Evans, Jean- 
Claude ly and Rod McKuen. It's 
not surprising that a heavy proportion of 
the men on the list are in showbiz: That's 
n of 


Bunnies, too. New York’s Gloria Hendry 
was James Bond's short lived love interest 
in the latest 007 epic, Live and Let Die 
(see PLAYBOY'S July layout); she's also 
been cast in Black Caesar, Slaughter’s Big 
Rip-Off and Hit Man. But she always 
comes back to the Club: “Being 2 Bunny 
is my security,” she says. “Besides, I enjoy 
working there. It helps me learn more 
about people—all kinds of people—and 
that helps my acting.” Gloria's hutchmate 
Jackie Zeman is one of two “K-Girls” 
on disc jockey Murray the K's television 
show. Across the continent in Los An- 
geles, 11 cottontails sing and dance as the 
Bunnyettes: Ninette Bravo, Niki Cl 
Playmate-Bunny Cathy Rowland (who's a 
songwriter, too), Jaki Dunn, Laurie Cam- 
marata, Barbara Garson, Lynn Moody, 
Jo Jo Burke, Bevy Self, Pat Holvay and 
Kandi Keith (who's also been signed 
to appear in an Italian movie, Sergio 
Bravo). Bunny Lynn, fresh from TV com- 
mercials and Mod Squad roles, is in the 
film Scream, Blacula, Scream; Ninette 
was seen in the Alias Smith and Jones 
series, Community theater interests Great 
Gorge Club-Hotel Bunny Alyson Merkel, 
a choreographer who has spent 15 years in 
dancing lessons and seven in vocal stud- 
ies; and New Orleans cottontail Linette 
Burgess, whose local little-theater group, 
Le Petit Children's Theater, produces 
plays for youngsters—sometimes as many 
as 10,000 а day. Linette feels it’s more de- 
manding to work before children than 
before grownups: “You might be able to 
fool an adult when you blow a line, but 
children are smarter. They know what's 
going on, and you really have to be on 
your toes.” Now thoroughly stage-struck, 
Linette is angling for a transfer to the Los 
Angeles hutch, where she'll be closer to 
Hollywood's professional drama coaches. 

Bunny thrushes abound, too. Gloria 
Weems of New York, Sheila Ross of Bal- 
timore, Sher Dixon of St. Louis and 
Zorina London of San Francisco sing 
professionally in night clubs (Playboy 
and others). Gloria recently returned 
from an engagement at the Palace Hotel 
in Paramaribo, Surinam; and Sheila has 
cut two records for Warner Bros. this 
year. Television provides opportunities 
for Kansas City Bunnies Leslie Norman— 
who has, edectically enough, been Chrys- 
ler Corporation's Midwestern regional 
Dodge Girl and American Motors’ Kan- 
sas City-area Gremlin Girl—and Barbara 
Earp, who is daylig ап ad agency 
аз а producer of commercials. Perhaps the 
longest-running showbiz career is that of 
London's Bunny of the Year, Ginger 
O'Doherty, а native of Londonderry, 
Northern Ireland, who has been dancing 
since the age of two. She made her first 
trip to the United States when she was 
11, on tour with the Gaelic Singers. As a 
competitive Irish dancer, she won more 
than 30 cups and 300 medals before turn- 
ing professional. 


While some Bunnies are looking to see 
their names in lights, others are looking 
to see theirs on diplomas. Boston's Marcy 
Feinzig was just graduated magna cum 
laude from Boston University; "I've al- 
ways been a bookworm,” she says. “My 
brother used to kid me that my idea of 
light reading was browsing through a dic- 
tionary.” An education major, Marcy did 
her student teaching in the field of cri 
nology at Homebase High School in 
Watertown, Massachuseus, taking her 
students on field trips to courts and pris- 
ons. Marcy hopes to combine her interests 
in education and criminology by landing 
a teaching position in a penal institution. 

Another Bostonian, Bunny Mei-Yong 
Tam, enters Columbia this fall with 
a $6000-per-year scholarship for a six- 
year course in the universitys Medical 
Scientist Training Program. And Boston 
couontails Sara Reynolds and Renée 
Worthington have been hitting the books 
at the University of Massachusetts, where 
both are seniors. In Miami, Joy Hughes 
is bringing straight A’s home from her 
prenursing course at Charron-Williams 
Business College; Nana Wagner is attend- 
ing real-estate school, from which Renée 
Camper has already graduated and be- 
come a licensed realtor. At Arizona State 
University in suburban "Tempe, Phoenix 
cottontail students include Dawn Grote- 
wold, majoring in ceramics, and Jennifer 
Edl, who's in graduate school after earn- 
ing her bachelor-of-fine-arts degree. In an 
ASU ceramics class, Dawn and Jennifer 
met—and recruited to Bunnydom—Lee 
Mar, an elementary education graduate 
of the university. Though pottery is 
definitely a side line for Lee, Dawn and 
Jennifer plan to open their own shop 
sometime in the future. 

St. Louis Bunny Maura Hemann 
earned a bachelor's degree in special edu- 
cation from Southern Illinois University 
this spring; her fall schedule is a triple- 
header, calling for teaching retarded chil- 
dren, working toward a master's degree 
and Bunny-hopping at the hutch three 
nights a week. Chicago's Tina Gerard has 
just completed requirements for her mas- 
ter's degree in teaching, specializing in 
mathematics, at the University of Illinois’ 
Circle Campus. “Working as a Bunny is a 
wonderful way to put yourself through 
school,” Tina says, “because the hours are 
so flexible. I'm looking for a position in 
high school or junior college teaching, 
but І may decide to sign up as а subs! 
tute teacher and continue working at 
the Club.” 

Great Gorge Bunny of the Year Waren 
Smith has her master’s degree in commu- 
nications from Montclair State College, 
and hutchmate Bea Edelstein carned hers 
in speech pathology from Seton Hall uni- 
versity. Bea also studies yoga, plays the 
violin, dances and holds green-belt stand- 
ing in Karate. Strenuous hobbies are, in 

(concluded on page 180) 


144 


Burr: 
Portrait of a 


Dangerous 
an 


fiction By Gore Vidal 


SPECIAL DESPATCH to the New York Evening Post, 
A written by Charles Schuyler: 

"Shortly before midnight July Ist, 1833, Colo- 
nel Aaron Burr, aged 77, married Eliza Jumel, born 
Bowen 58 years ago (more likely 65, but remember: She is 
prone to litigation!). The marriage took place at Madam 
Jumel’s mansion on the Washington Heights and was 
performed by Dr. Bogart (will supply first name later). 
In attendance were Madam Jumel's niece (some say 
daughter) and her husband, Nelson Chase, a lawyer 
from Colonel Burr's Reade Street firm. This was the 
colonel’s second marriage; а half century ago, he married 
‘Theodosia Prevost, 

“In 1804, Colonel Burr—then Vice-President of the 
United States—shot and killed General Alexander Ham- 
ilton in a duel. Three years after this lamentable affair, 
Colonel Burr was arrested by order of President Thomas 
Jefferson and charged with treason for having wanted to 
break up the United States. A Court presided over by 
Chief Justice John Marshall found Colonel Burr inno- 
cent of treason but guilty of the misdemeanour of propos- 
ing an invasion of Spanish territory in order to make 
himself emperor of Mexico. 

“The new Mrs. Aaron Burr is the widow of the wine 
merchant Stephen Jumel; reputedly, she is the richest 
woman in New York City, having begun her days humbly 
but no doubt cheerfully in a brothel at Providence, 
Rhode Island. ...” 

I don't seem to be able to catch the right tone, but since 
William Leggett has invited me to write about Colonel 
Burr for the Evening Post, І shall put in everything and 
look forward to his response; “I don't think’ —and he'll 
gulp air in his consumptive way—“that the managing 
editor will allow any reference to what he calls ‘a dis- 
orderly house.’” 

Well, the euphemisms can come later. Recently, mys- 
teriously, Leggett has shown a sudden interest in Colonel 
Burr, although his editor, Mr. Bryant, finds my employer, 
the colonel, “unsavory” and adds, “Like so many men of 
the last century, he did not respect the virtue of women." 

Because J am younger than Mr. Bryant, I take Colonel 
Burr's "unsavoriness" as a nice contrast to the canting 
tone of our own day. The 18th Century man was not like 
us—and Colonel Burr is an 18th Century man still alive 
and vigorous, with a new wife up here in Haarlem and an 
old mistress in Jersey City. He is a man of perfect charm 
and fascination. A monster, in short. To be destroyed? I 
think that is what Leggett has in mind. But do I? 

I sit now under the eaves of the Jumel mansion. Every- 
one is asleep—except the bridal couple? Somber thought, 
all that aged flesh commingled. I put it out of my mind. 


This astonishing day began when Colonel Burr came 
out of his office and asked me to accompany him to the 
City Hotel, where he was to meet a friend. As usual, he 
was mysterious. He makes even a trip to the barber seem 
as if it were a plot to overthrow the state. Walking down 
Broad Way, he positively skipped at my side, with no 
trace of che stroke that half paralyzed him three years ago. 

At the corner of Liberty Street, the colonel paused to 
buy a taffy apple. The applewoman knew him. But then, 
every New Yorker knows him on sight. The ordinary 
people greet him warmly, while the respectable folk 
tend to cut him dead—not that he gives them much 


opportunity, for he usually walks with eyes downcast or 
focused on his companion. Yet he sees everything. 

“For himself the colonel, and not a dear worm in 
iu"—obviously a joke between Burr and the old bid- 
dy. He answered her graciously. Businessmen hurrying 
across from Wall Street quickly took him in with their 
eyes, then looked away. He affected not to notice the 
ation his physical presence still occasions. 

“Charley, are you free for an adventure tonight?” 

“Yes, sir. What sort of an adventure?” 

The large black eyes gave me a mis- 
chievous look. “Half the fun of an ad- 
venture is the surprise.” 

In front of the City Hotel an omnibus 
was stopped, its horses neighing, pissing, 
groaning. Stout, prosperous men con- 
verged on the hotel; sundown is their 
time to meet, gossip, drink and then go 
home on foot—because that is faster than 
going by carriage. Nowadays, lower 
Broad Way is almost blocked with traffic 
at this hour and everyone walks; even the 
decrepit John Jacob Astor can be seen 
crawling along the street like some an- 
cient snail, his viscous track the allure 
of money. 

Instead of going inside the hotel. 
the colonel (put off by a group of Tam- 
many sachems standing in the doorway?) 
turned into the graveyard of Trinity 
Church. I followed obediently. I am al- 
ways obedient. What else can a none-too- 
efficient law clerk be? I cannot think why 
hc keeps me on. 

“I know—intimately—more people in 
this charming cemetery than I do in all 
of the Broad Way." Burr makes a joke of 
everything, his manner quite unlike that 
of other people. Was he always like this 
or did the years of exile in Europe make 
him different from the rest of us? Or— 
new thought—have the manners of New 
Yorkers changed? I suspect that is the 
case. But, if we seem strange to him, he 


“i knew that 
this world was now 
far too narrow 


a place to contain 
the two of us" 


is much too polite to say so. Full of the Devil, my quarry. 

In the half-light of the cemetery, Burr did resemble the 
Devil—assuming that the Devil is an inch shorter than I 
(no more than five feet, six), slender, with tiny feet 
(hooves?), high forehead (in the fading light, I imagine 
l horns), bald in front, with his remaining hair 
piled high and powdered absently in the old style and 
held in place with a shell comb. Behind him is a monu- 
ment to the man he murdered. 

“I shall want to be buried at Princeton College. Not 


sei 


that theres any immediate hurry" He glanced at 
Hamilton's tomb. No change of expression in face or 
voice as he asked, "Do you know the works of Sir 
Thomas Browne?" 


“No, sir. A friend of yours?" 

Burr only grinned, a bit of apple peel, red as old blood, 
on his remaining incisor. “No, Charley, nor was I present 
when Achilles hid among women." Whatever that meant. 
I record it all. 


“I have always preferred women to men. I think that 
sets me apart, don't you?" 

Knowing exactly what he meant, I agreed. New York 
gentlemen spend far more time with one another than in 
mixed company. Lately, they have taken to forming clubs 
from which women are banned. 

“I cannot—simply—be without the company of a 
woman.” 

“But you've had no wife—” 

“Since before you were born. But then, I have not 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY PHILL RENAUO 


145 


PLAYBOY 


lacked for . . . gentle companionship.” 
He gave me a swift grin; suddenly, in the 
pale light, he looked to be a randy boy of 
14. Then abruptly he became his usual 
self, full of dignity save for that curious, 
unexpected wit. I always find his bril- 
liance disturbing. We do not want the 
old to be sharper than we. It is bad 
enough that they were there first and got 
the best things. 

"We shall be met presently at the hotel 
by my old friend Dr. Bogart. He has 
rented a carriage. We shall then drive 
to the Haarlem Heights—or Washington 
Heights, as 1 believe they are currently 
known.” A fugitive smile. 

Burr delights in tomb inscriptions. 
"Elizabeth! Of all people. Never knew 
she was dead." Burr slipped on his oc- 
tagonal glasses. "Died 1810. That ex- 
plains it. I was still in Europe, a fugitive 
from injustice.” Burr removed the glasses. 
“I think her birth date has been—as Jer- 
emy Bentham would say—minimized. 
She was older than I but . . . beautiful! 
Charley." In the churchyard 
trees, birds chattered, while Broad Way's 
traffic was at its creaking, rattling worst. 

"I know you're writing about my ad- 
venturous life.” I was startled. Showed it. 
Му face has no guile, "I've observed you 
taking notes. Don't fret. 1 don't mind. If 
1 were not so lazy, I would do the job my- 
self, having done part of it already.” 

“An actual memoir?” 

“Bits and pieces. I still have a lingering 
desire to tell the true story of the Revolu- 
tion before it is too late—as it may be al- 
ready, since the schoolbooks seem to have 
cast the legend of those days in lead. It is 
quite uncanny how wrong they are about 
all of us. Why do you sce so much of Mr. 
Leggett at the Evening Post?” 

I literally stumbled at the rapidity of 
his charge; and it was a charge of the sort 
for which he is celebrated in courtroom 
cross-examinations. I gabbled. “I see him. 
because—I have known him since I was at 
Columbia. He used to come there, you 
know, to talk about literature. About 
journalism. I'd thought, perhaps, as a ca- 
reer, I might write for the press before I 
took up the law. ...” 

Whatever Burr wanted to get from me 
he must have got, for he changed the 
subject as he led me out of the graveyard 
and into Broad Way, where the flaring, 
hissing street lamps were now being lit 
and where passers-by cast flickering, dark 
shadows. He led on to the barroom of the 
City Hotel, where we sat down and drank 
madeira until the arrival of Dr. Bogart, a 
thin, white old man with a parrot's face 
and a most birdly manner. 

Burr was exuberant, festive. I still had 
no idea why. “Dominie, you're late! No 
excuses. We must set out immediately! 
The tide is at the full.” He put down his 
glass and I did the same, noticing how 
the gentlemen at the nearest table were 
straining to hear our every word. Not an 


146 casy thing to do, considering the rumble 


of masculine voices in the smoky room 
and the sound of the bartender cracking 
ice with a hammer. 

"Heigh-ho!" Burr started briskly to the 
door, causing a covey of lawyers—some 
with awed bows of recognition. to scat- 
ter. “To the heights, gentlemen." He 
clapped his hands. "To the heights! 
Where else?" 

Aaron Burr's recolleaion: 

At about the third week of June 
1804, I was sitting in the library of my 
Richmond Hill house with William Van 
Ness and his former law clerk, Martin 
Van Buren. We were going through a 
number of newspapers just arrived from 
Upstate and enjoying some of the more 
fantastical portraits of me (including a 
learned dissertation on the precise num- 
ber of women 1 had ruined) when Van 
Ness showed me а copy of the Albany 
Register dated April 24th, 1804. It con- 
tained what looked to be a letter from a 
Dr. Charles Cooper reporting on a dinner 
party at Albany and stating, "General 
Hamilton and Judge Kent have declared, 
in substance, that they looked upon Mr. 
Burr to be a dangerous man, and one who 
ought not to be trusted with the reins of 
government.” 

“That is hardly exceptional,” I said. 
‘Then I saw what had attracted Van Ness’ 
eye: “I could,” wrote Dr. Cooper, “detail 
to you a still more despicable opinion 
which General Hamilton has expressed of 
Mr. Burr." We looked in vain for that 
“more despicable opinion,” which was 
nowhere given. 

"It is the usual Hamilton diatribe.” 
William did not take the matter seriously. 
Nor did I at first. 

But in the night, I began to meditate 
on just what was meant by “more despica- 
ble.” Hamilton had already called me 
Caesar, Catiline, Bonaparte (while him- 
self dreaming of a crown in Mexico, 
should he fail to subvert Jefferson's feu 
dal utopia). What did he now mean by 
more despicable? I fear that my usual 
equanimity in such matters had been 
shaken by the recent election, I did not 
sleep that night, 

The next morning, June 18th, I wrote 
a letter to Hamilton asking for “а prompt 
and unqualified acknowledgment or de- 
nial of the use of any expressions which 
could warrant the assertions of Dr. 
Cooper." I endosed the newspaper 
cutting. Van Ness, looking very grim, 
went off to deliver it to Hamilton. 

On June 2ist, I received a long reply 
from him in which there was a good deal 
of quibbling as to the precise meaning of 
despicable. He then declared that he 
could not be held responsible for the 
inferences that others might draw from 
anything he had said "of a political 
opponent in the course of a I5 years 
competition.” 

I answered him the same day, remark- 


ing that “political opposition can never 
absolve gentlemen from the necessity of 
a rigid adherence to the laws of honour." I 
pointed out that the accepted meaning of 
the word despicable conveys the idea of 
dishonor. I asked for a definite reply. 

The next day. Hamilton gave another 
letter to a friend of his—complaining of 
my peremptory style but refusing to be 
any more definite than before—and 
authorized this friend to tell Van Ness 
something in addition. Hamilton's recol- 
lection of the dinner, it seemed, was 
somewhat hazy, but, to the extent that 
Colonel Burr was discussed, the context 
was entirely political and bore upon the 
current election for governor. Apparently, 
no reflections upon Colonel Burrs 
private character were made by General 
Hamilton. 

It was about this time that I learned ex- 
actly what it was that Hamilton had said 
of me and I knew that this world was now 
far too narrow a place to contain the two 
of us. 

Hamilton's friend made one further at- 
tempt to get him off the hook but only 
further impaled the slanderer by remark- 
ing that should Colonel Burr wish to 
inquire of any other conversation of Ham 
ilton's concerning Burr, a prompt and 
frank avowal or denial would be given. 
"This was too much. I told Van Ness to set 
a time and place for an interview. 

It was determined that we would meet 
across the river in New Jersey, on the 
heights known as Weehawk. Nathaniel 
Pendleton would be second to Hamilton. 
Van Ness would be second to me. Pistols 
would be our weapons. Hamilton then 
asked that we delay the interview until 
after the close of the circuit court. It was. 
agreed that we meet in two weeks’ time, 
on July 11th, 1804. 

For two weeks, we kept our secret from 
all but a handful of intimates. I put my 
affairs in order; wrote letters to Theodo- 
sia; prepared a will. I worried a good deal 
about the debts I would leave behind if 1 
were killed. No doubt, Hamilton was in 
the same frame of mind. If anything, he 
was in a far worse position than I: He 
was deeply in debt, largely due to "The 
Grange. a pretentious country seat he had 
prepared for himself several miles above 
Richmond Hill. He also had seven chil- 
dren. Fortunately for them, his wife was 
a Schuyler, so the poorhouse would never 
claim these relicts. 

I soon discovered that I had made a 
mistake granting Hamilton a two-weck 
delay. He immediately arranged for one 
Samuel Bradhurst to challenge me to a 
duel with swords. I had no choice but to 
answer this gentleman. We fought near 
Hoboken. I was at a considerable disad- 
vantage, since Mr. Bradhurst's arms were 
about three inches longer than mine. It 
was Hamilton's design that I be, at the 
least, so cut up by Mr. Bradhurst that I 

(continued on page 176) 


iia playa 
$555 E pop poll „с 


THEY LOOM LARGE in our lives, these people who make music. Some are stars who can hardly leave the house with- 
out getting attacked and whose private lives are of interest to millions; others are folks who slip around unno- 
ticed, until they pick up their instruments and start to play. All of them—assuming that they reach us and we 
listen—get inside our hi and thanks to the media, they're brought to us from just about everywhere: the swamp 
and the concert hall, Hollywood and Harlem, Nashville and Memphis. Some would say it's unfair to have them 
compete. But our poll is no test of their skills, except their ability to make friends and influence people; it’s a cen- 
sus of our readership, which is large enough to include people of all musical persuasions. So press on to your ballot 
and the instructions for using it; honor the music makers who've added something to your life. They'll appreciate it. 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY ROY CARRUTHERS 


BIG-BAND LEADER 
(Please choose one.) 

1. Burt Bacharach 

2. Count Basie 

3. Louis Bellson 

4. James Brown 

5. Les Brown 

6. = 

7. 

8. 


Jlarke-Boland 
. Eumir Deodato 
ton 


. Maynard Ferguson 
. Lionel Hampton 
Woody Herman 

. J. J. Jackson 

. Harry James 

. Quincy Jones 

i. Thad Jones / Mel Lewis 
. Stan Kenton 

. Henry Mancini 

- Chuck Mangione 

. Charles Mingus 

Sun Ra 

. Buddy Rich 

. Bobby Rosengarden 
Doc Severinsen 

. Billy Taylor 

. Clark Terry 

Gerald Wilson 


TRUMPET 
(Please choose four.) 
- Nat Adderley 
. Herb Alpert 
. Cat Anderson 
- Chet Baker 
. Ruby Braff 
Oscar Brashear 
. Randy Brecker 
. Bobby Bryant. 
9. Billy Butterficld 
10. Donald Byrd 


юмро а 


. Pete Candoli 
. Bill Cha: 
. Don Cherry 
Buck Clayton 
6. Burt Col 
|. Miles Davi 
Harry Edison 

. Roy Eldridge 

. Don Ellis 

. Jon Faddis 

Art Farmer 

Maynard Ferguson 
Luis 
. Dizzy Gillespie 
Bobby Hackett 

Il Hardman 
Ede Henderson 
Al Hirt 

. Freddie Hubhard 
. Harry James 

39. Jonah Jones 

38. Thad Jones 

51. Hugh Masekela 


35. Bob McCoy 
36. Blue Mitchell 

37. Cynthia Robinson. 
38. Doc Severinsen 
39. Marvin Stamm 
40. Clark Terry 

looky Young 


TROMBONE 
(Please choose four.) 

1. Chris Barber 

2 Dave Bargeron 

3. Harold Betters 

4. George Bohanon 

5. Bob Brookmeyer 

6. Garnett Brown 

7. Jimmy Cleveland 

8. Buster Cooper 

9. Vic Dickenson 

10. Maynard Ferguson. 
11. Carl Fontana 

12. Bruce Fowler 

18. Curtis Fuller 

14. Harry Graves 
Green 


16. Urbie Green 
17. Al Grey 
. Dick Halligan 


. Bill Harris 
Wayne Henderson. 
Dick Hyde 


25. Grachan Moncur III 
26. Turk Murphy 
27. James Pankow 


. Roswell Rudd 
32. Bill Watrous 

35. Dickie Wells 

34. Kai Winding 

35. Si Zentner 


ALTO SAX 
(Please choose two.) 
- Cannonball Adderley 
. Gary Bart, 
. Benny Carter 
- Emilio Castillo 
- Ornette Coleman 
. Hank Crawford 
- Sonny Criss 


rou 


236 


10. Paul Desmond 
11. Lou Donaldson 
ky Green 

. William Green 
14. Alan Holmes 
15. Paul Horn 


18. Yusef Lateef 
19. Arnie Lawrence 
20. Fred Lipsius 


91. Jackie McLean 
92. Charles McPherson 
23. James Moody 

24. Oliver Nelson 

Эв. Art Pepper 

26. Bill Perkins 

27. Bobby Plater 

28. Marshal Royal 

29. "Tom Scott. 

30. Bud Shank 

81. Zoot Sims 

32. James Spaulding 

33. Sonny Stitt 

34. Grover Washington, Jr 
35. Bob Wilber 

36. Edgar Winter 

37. Paul Winter. 

38. Chris Woods 

|. Jimmy Woods 

40. Phil Woods 


TENOR SAX 
(Please choose two.) 
1. Gene Ammons 
2. Curtis Amy 
3. Gato Barbieri 
4. Gerry Bergonzi 
5. Mike Brecker 
6. Sam Butera 
7. Al Cohn 
8. Bob Cooper 
9. Сожу Corcoran 
10. Eddie Daniels 
11. Eddie “Lockjaw” Davis 
12. Joe Farrell 
13, Frank Foster 
14. Bud Freeman 
15. Jerry Fuller 
16. Stan Getz 
17. Dexter Gordon 
18. Johnny Griffin 
19. Eddie Harris 
30. Joc Henderson 
Hom 
2. Illinois Jacquet 
3. Rahsaan Roland Kirk 
24. Al Klink 
25. Yusef Lateef 
26. Charles Lloyd 
27. Eddic Miller 
28. James Moody 
. Oliver Nelson 


30. David Newma 
31. Ray Pizzi 


. Tom Scott. 
- Archie Shepp 


. Buddy Tate 
icky Thompson 

anley Turrentine 

. Junior Walker 

43. Grover Washington, Jr. 
M. Ernic Watts. 

45. Ben Webster 


148 LIST YOUR CHOICES IN THE 1974 PLAYBOY JAZZ & POP POLL ON THE FOLDOUT BALLOT THAT FOLLOWS 


BARITONE SAX 
(Please choose one.) 
1. Pepper Adams 
2. Jay Cameron 
3. Harry Carney 
4. Leroy Cooper 
5. Benny Crawford 
6. Ronnie Cuber 
7. Eddie Daniels 
В. Charles Davis 
9. Charlie Fowlkes 
hacl Garrett 
H1. Chuck Gentry 
үке 
Hittner 
Hood 
. Jim Horn 
б. Steve Кирка 
. John Lowe 
|. Gerry Mulligan 
I. Pat Patrick. 
- Cecil Payne 
. Romeo Penque 
22. Jerome Richardson. 
23. Ronnie Ross 
24. Clifford Scott 
95. Bud Shank 
26. Lonni e 
27. Sahib Shihab 
28. John Surman 


iminy 
Fran 


CLARINET 
(Please choose one.) 
1. Alvin Batiste 
9. Barney Bigard 
3. Acker ВИК 
1. Phil Bodner 

5. Ray Burke 

6. John Carter 

7. Frank Chace 

8. Buddy Collette 
9. Eddie Daniels 

10. Buddy De Franco 
11. Pete Fountain 

12. Rob Fritz 

18. Jerry Fuller 

14. Jimmy Giuffre 

- Benny Goodman 
William Green 
17. Jimmy Hamilton 
18. Woody Herman 
19. Ре Huko 
20. Rahsaan Rol 
21. Walt Levinsky 

. Fred Lipsius 

. Matty Matlock 
. Bob Palmer 

. John Payne 

Ant Pepper 
Russell Procope 
. Perry Robi 
29. Tony Scott 

30. Pee Wee Spitelara 
31. John Surman 

32. Bob Wilber 

33. Phil Woods 


d Kirk. 


. Count Basi 


PIANO 


(Please choose one.) 


Mose Allison 
Burt Bacharach 


Bayeté 
Eubie Blake 
Darius Brubeck 


. Dave Brubeck 


Ray Charles 
Alice Coltrane 
с 
Neal Creque 


ick Corea 


2. Duke Ellington 
. Bill Evans 


Erroll 
Herbie Hancock 


amer 


. Donny Hathaway 
. Hampton 
. Earl "Fatha" Hines 
. Nicky Hopkins 

|. Dick Hyman 


Pete Jackson 


. Ahmad Jamal 
.K 


th Jarrett 
Elton John 


5. Hank Jones 


Rober 
John Le 
Ramsey Lewis 

Les McCann 
Marian McPartland 


Lamm 


wis 


- Sergio Mendes 
. Lee Michaels 
. Thelonious Monk 


Peter №е 


. Randy Newman 
i- Oscar Peterson 
. Billy Preston 

. André Previn 


39. Leon Russell 

40, Joe Sample 

41. George Shearing 

42. Horace Silver 

3. Lonnie Liston Smith 
Billy Taylor 

45. Cecil Taylor 

46. Allen Toussaint 

47. McCoy Tyner 

48. Dick Wellstood 

49. Mary Lou Williams 
50. Mike Wolford 

51. Bob Wright 

2. Neil Young 

53. Joc Zawinul 


ORGAN 

(Please choose one.) 
. Brian Auger 
Booker T 
3. Owen Bradley 
4. Milt Buckner 
5. Jim Cathcart 
Ray Charles 
Wild Bill Davis 
Bill Doggett 
Keith Emerson 
10. Ronnie Foster 
11. Johnny Hammond 
12. Isaac Hayes 
13. Groove Holmes 
14. Garth Hudson 
15. Dick Hyman 
16. Keith Jarrett 
17. Al Kooper 
18, Ray Manzarek 
19. Dave Mason 
20. Brother Jack McDuff 
21. Jimmy McGriff 
22. Lec Michaels 


Spooner Oldham 


. Don Patterson 
|. Billy Preston 


Sun Ка 
Merle Saunders 


- Shirley Scott 


Jimmy Smith 

Richard Tce 

Rick Wakeman 

Walter Wanderley 
tevie Winwood 


. Khalid Yasin 


VIBES 


(Please choose one.) 


- Roy Ayers 


Larry Bunker 


i. Gary Burton 


Gary Coleman 
Don Elliott 
Gordon Emmanuel 
Victor Feldman 
Terry Gibbs 
Tyree Glenn 
Gunter Hampel 
Lionel Hampton 
Bobby Hutcherson. 
Milt Jackson 
Stu Katz 

Phil Kraus 
Johnny Lytle 
Mike Mainierî 
Carry Mallaber 
Buddy Montgomery 
Red Norvo 


. Dave Pike 


Emil Richards 


. Cal Tjader 


Tommy Vig 
Clement Wells 


GUITAR 


(Please choose one.) 


. Arthur Adams 
. Laurindo Almeida 
. Chet Atkins 


Elek Bacsil 


. Jeff Beck 


scorge Benson 


. Chuck Berry 


Mike Bloomfield 


. Mel Brown 
|. Kenny Burrell 
|. Charlie Byrd 


Glen Campbell 
Eric Clapton 


- Larry Coryell 


Steve Cropper 


. Herb Ellis 
. Lloyd Ellis 
. José Felici 


Al Gafa 


. Eric Gale 
. Jerry Garcia 


João Gilberto 
Grant Green 


L Marty Grosz 
. Buddy Guy 


Jim Hall 


Gcorge Harrison 


i Terry Kath 
| Barney Kessel 
. Albert 


B. B. King 


. Freddie King 


Alvin Lee 


. Mundell Lowe 
. Pat Martino 
i. John McLaughlin 


Tony Mottola 
Jimmy Page 


149 


39. Joe Pass 

40. Keith Richard 
41. Howard Roberts 
42. Carlos Santana 
48. Bola Sète 

44. Cat Stevens 

45. Stephen Stills 
46. Gabor Szabo 

47. Peter Townshend 
48. Philip Upchurch 
49. David T. Walker 
50. T-Bone Walker 
51. Mason Williams 
32. Johnny Winter 


BASS 
(Please choose one.) 

1. Walter Booker 
2. Ray Brown 
3. Jack Bruce 
4. Mike Bruce 
5. Herb Bushler 
6. Joe Byrd 
7. Ron Carter 
8. Jack Casady 
9. Peter Cetera 
10. Stanley Clarke 
11. Bob Cranshaw 
12. Art Davis 
13. Richard Davis 
14. Chuck Domanico 
15. Donald "Duck" Dunn 
16. George Duvivier 
17. Cleveland Eaton 
18. John Entwistle 
19. Wilton Felder 


23. Rick Grech 

24. Bob Haggart 

25. John Heard 

26. Percy Heath 

27. Michael Henderson 
28. Milt Hinton 

29. Charlie Larkey 

30. Earl May 

31. Cecil McRee 

32. Paul McCartney 
33. Charles Mingus 

34. Monk Montgomery 
35. Carl Radle 

36, Chuck Rainey 

37. Rufus Rei 
38. Larry Ridley 

39. James Rowser 

40. Jule Ruggiero 

41. Jack Six 

42. Dave Troncoso 
43. Philip Upchurch 
44. Andrew White Ш 
45. Bill Wyman 

46. El Dee Young 


DRUMS 
(Please choose one.) 
1. Ginger Baker 
2. Louis Bellson 
3. Hal Blaine 


. Art Blakey 
. John Bonham 

. Karen Carpenter 
. Kenny Clarke 

. Jimmie Cobb 

. Billy Cobham 


. Jack De Johnette 
. Bobby Durham 

. Vernel Fournier 
John Guerin 
Chico Hamilton 
- Louis Hayes 

. Roy Haynes 

. Red Holt 

. Stix Hooper 

. Paul Humphrey 
. Al Jackson, Jr. 
24. Elvin Jones 

25. Jo Jones 

26. Philly Joe Jones 
27. Rusty Jones 

28. Connie Kay 

29. Jim Keltner 

. Gene Krupa 

- Bill LaVorgna 

. Mel Lewis 

. Shelly Manne 
Harvey Mason 

- Roy McCurdy 

. Buddy Miles 
Mitch Mitchell 

. Keith Moon 

39. Joe Morello 

40. Idris Muhammad. 
41. Sandy Nelson 

42. Carl Palmer 

43. Bernard Purdie 
44. Buddy Rich 

45. Max Roach 

46. Mickey Roker 
47. Bobby Rosengarden 
48. Bob Scott 

49. Daniel Seraphine 
50. Jack Sperling 

51. Ringo Starr 

52. Grady Tate 

53. Ed Thigpen 

54. Marshall Thompson 
55. Charlie Watts 
56. Tony ms 


OTHER INSTRUMENTS 
(Please choose one.) 
1. Curtis Amy, soprano sax 
2. Ian Anderson, flute 
3. Ray Brown, cello 
4. Paul Butterficld, harmonica 
5. Buddy Collette, flute 
6. Ry Cooder, mandolin 
7. Papa John Creach, violin 
8. Kenny Davern, soprano sax 
9. Pete Drake, steel guitar 
10. Bob Dylan, harmonica 
11. Keith Emerson, Moog 
12. Joe Farrell. soprano sax 


. Maynard Ferguson, 


superbone 


- Al Grey, baritone horn 
. Tommy Gumina, accordion 


. John Hartford, banjo 

. Dick Hyman, Moog 

. Budd Johnson, soprano sax 

- Doug Kershaw, violin 

Rahsaan Roland Kirk, flute, 
manzello, stritch 

. Steven Kupka, Flügelhorn 


Steve Lacy, soprano sax 
Yusef Lateef, flute, oboe 


. Hubert Laws, flute 
- Charles Lloyd. flute 
- Chuck Mangione, Flügelhorn 


Herbie Mann, flute 


. John Mayall, harmonica 
- Charlie McCoy, harmonica 
. James Moody, flute 

- Airto Morcira, percussion 

. Ray Nance, violin 

. Walter Parazaider, flute 

. Jean-Luc Ponty, violin 

. Sun Ra, Moog 

. Mongo Santamaria. congas 


Earl Scruggs, banjo 
John Sebastian, harmonica 


- Bud Shank, flute 
. Ravi Shankai 


sitar 
Clark Terry, Flügelhorn 
Jean Thiclemans, harmonica 


. Michael White, violin 


Russ Whitman, bass sax 


. Bob Wilber, soprano sax 


Stevie Wonder, harmonica, 
clavinet 


. Rusty Young, steel guitar 


MALE VOCALIST 
(Please choose one.) 

Mose Allison 

Harry Belafonte 

Tony Bennett 

Brook Benton 

Andy Bey 

Bobby Bland 

David Bowie 

James Brown 

Oscar Brown, Jr. 

Solomon Burke 


‚ Jerry Butler 


Glen Campbell 
johnny Cash 


- Ray Charles 
. David Clayton-Thomas 


Joe Cocker 


. Perry Como 


Alice Cooper 
Bobby Darin 
Sammy Davis Jr. 


. Neil Diamond 


Donovan 
Bob Dylan 


|. Billy Eckstine 
- John Gary 


150 LIST YOUR CHOICES IN THE 1974 PLAYBOY JAZZ & POP POLL ON THE FOLDOUT BALLOT THAT FOLLOWS 


26. Marvin Gaye 
27. Al Green 

28. Merle Haggard 
29. George Harrison 
30. Johnny Hartman 
31. Donny Hathaway 
32. Isaac Hayes 

33. Dan Hicks 

34. Mick Jagger 

35. Dr. John 

36. Elton John 


Kris Kristofferson 
39. Steve Lawrence 
40. John Lennon 

41. Jerry Lee Lewis 
42. Gordon Lightfoot 
43. Dean Martin 

44. Johnny Mathis 
45. Curtis Mayfield 
46. Paul McCartney 
47. Don McLean 

48. Van Morrison 

49. Mark Murphy 

50. Randy Newman 
51. Harry Nilsson 
52. Buck Owens 
ilson Pickett 
54. Robert Plant 

55. Elvis Presley 

56. Lou Rawls 

57. Jary Reed 

Little Ri 


61. Cat Stevens 
. Rod Stewart 


64, Grady Tate 
65. James Taylor 
66, Johnny Taylor 
67. Joc Tex 

68. Leon Thomas 
69, Mel Tormé 
70. Andy Wil 


7A. Jimmy Witherspoon 
75. Bobby Womack 

76. Stevie Wonder 

77. Neil Young 


FEMALE VOCALIST 
(Please choose one.) 

1. Lorez Alexandria 
2. joan Baez 
3. Pearl Bailey 
4. Teresa Brewer 
5. Joy Bryan 
6. Lana Cantrell 
7. Vikki Carr 
8. Jeanne Carroll 
9. Betty Carter. 
о. Chér 
1, June Christy 
Merry Clayton 
3. Judy Collins 

l- Rita Coolidge 


amare 


x 


19. 
20. 


. Ella Fitzgerald 
j. Roberta Flack 
. An 
. Eydic Gormé 

. Linda Hopkins 
. Lena Home 

- Helen Humes 


tha Franklin 


Luncan Hunter 


. Carole King 
- Teddi King 

j. Gladys Knight 
. Peggy Lee 


Abbey Lincoln 


. Claudine Longet 
. Mi 
- Barbara McNair 


iam Makeba 


Carmen McRae 


. Melanie 
}. Bette Midler 


iza Minnelli 
Joni Mitchell 
Melba Moore 


- Laura Nyro 
. Odetta 


Esther Phillips 


. Maryann Price 
- Bonnic Raitt 

. Helen Reddy 
. Della Reese 


inda Ronstadt 


- Diana Ross 

. Bully Sainte-Marie 
. Carly Simon 

. Nina Simone 

. Grace Slick 

. Ma 
- Barbra Streisand 

. Tina Turner 

. Sarah Vaughan 

- Dionne Warwicke 


Staples 


Margaret Whiting 


j. Nancy Wilson 
. Tammy Wynette 


VOCAL GROUP 
(Please choose one.) 
Allman Brothers Band 
‘The Band 
Bee Gees 
Bread 


- Carpenters 
- Creedence Clearwater 


Revival 
Dr. Hook and the 
Medicine Show 


Emerson, Lake & Palmer 
. Family 

. 5th Dimension 

. Four Freshmen 


Grand Funk Railroad. 


. Grateful Dead 
- Guess Who 
. Dan Hicks and the Hot 


Licks 


i. Hi-Lo's 


Hot Tuna 


. Jackie & Roy 


Jackson 5 
Jefferson Airplane 


. Gladys Knight & the Pips 

Led Zeppel 

. Loggins & Messina 

. Johnny Mann Singers 

. Moody Blues 

26. New Heavenly Blue 

. Pink Floyd 

. Poco 

Kenny Rogers and the 
First Edition 

30. Rolling Stones 

31. Seals & Crofts 

82, Slade 

33. Sly & the Family Stone 

34. Sonny and Chér 


38, Supremes 
39, Temptations 

40. Three Dog Night 
41. Ike & Tina Turner 
„ War 

43. The Who 

44. Yes 


SONGWRITER-COMPOSER 
(Please choose one.) 

Mose Allison 

. Ian Anderson 

. Harold Arlen 

. David Axelrod 

Burt Bacharach-Hal David 

. Carla Bley 

- Oscar Brown, Jr. 

Dave Brubeck 

9. Ornette Coleman 

10. Betty Comden-Adolph 

Green 

11. Chick Corea 

Miles Davis 

. Eumir Deodato 

4. Neil Diamond 

. Bob Dylan 

16. Dukc Ellington 

17. Gil Evans 

18. Bob Florence 

. David Gates 

Dizzy Gillespie 

"Tom T. Hall 

Herbie Hancock 

George Harrison 

Isaac Hayes 

Dan Hicks 


Carlos Jobim 
29. Dr. John 
30. Elton John-Bernie Taupin 
31. Quincy Jones 

32. Carole King 

33. Kris Kristofferson 

34. Robert Lamm 

35. Michel Legrand 

36. John Lennon 

37. John Lewis 

38. Gordon Lightfoot 

39. Melba Liston 


40. John D. Loudermilk 
41. Henry Mancini 
42. Johnn: 
. Curtis Mayfield 

. Paul McCartney 

. Eugene McDaniels 
. Don McLcan 

- Johnny Mercer 
rles Mingus 

. Joni Mitchell 
Thelonious Monk 
Oliver Nelson 
Randy Newman 
Harry Nilsson 

. Laura Nyro 

ny Rankin 

. Lou Reed 

Gcorge Russell 
Leon Russell 

. Lalo Schifrin 

. Scals & Crofts 
Horace Silver 

hel Silverstein 

. Paul Simon 

Cat Stevens. 

65. Stephen Stills 

66. Jule Styne 

67. James Taylor 

68. Allen Toussaint 
69. Peter Townshend 
70. Jimmy Van Heusen 
ті. Sid Wayne 

72. Stevie Winwood 
73. Bill Withers 

74. Stevie Wonder 
75. Neil Young 

76. Frank Zappa 


gge 


BESBESE 


в 
8 


2 


INSTRUMENTAL COMBO 
(Please choose one.) 

1. Cannonball Adderley 

2. Gene Ammons 

3. Roy Ayers 

4. Gato Barbieri 

5. Bee Gees 

6. Al Relletto 

7. Art Blakey & the Jazz 
Messengers 

8. Blood, Sweat & Tears 

9. Bread 

10. Dave Brubeck 

11. Kenny Burrell 

12. Charlic Byrd Trio 

13. Chase 

14. Chicago 

15. The Chicago Jazz 

16. Dennis Coffey 

17. Ornette Coleman 

18. Alice Cooper 

19. Chick Corea 

20. Crusaders 

21. Danny Davis & the 
Nashville Brass 

22. Miles Davis 

23. Emerson, Lake & Palmer 

24. Bill Evans Trio 

25. Stan Getz 

95. Dizzy Gillespie 

27. Grand Funk Railroad 


LIST YOUR CHOICES IN THE 1974 PLAYBOY JAZZ & POP POLL ON THE FOLDOUT BALLOT THAT FOLLOWS 


ЭВ. Al Grey 

29. Bobby Hackett 

30. Chico Hamilton 

31. Johnny Hammond 

32. Herbie Hancock 

33. Eddie Harris 

34. Hampton Hawes | 

35. Earl Hines | 

36. Al Hi 

37. Groove Holmes 

38. Hot Licks 

39. Hot Tuna 

40. Freddie Hubbard 

41. Bobby Hutcherson-Harold 
Land 

42. Illinois Jacquet 

43. Ahmad Jamal Trio 

44. Jefferson Airplane 


47. Rahsaan Roland Kirk & 
the Vibration Society 

48. Yusef Lateef 

49. Ramsey Lewis Trio 

50. Charles Lloyd 

51. Loggins & Messina 

52. Mahavishnu Orchestra 

53. Malo 

54. Chuck Mangione Quartet 

55. Herbie Mann 

56. Shelly Manne 

57. Hugh Masekela 

58. Les McCann Ltd. 

59. Marian McPartland Trio 

60. The Meters 

61. Charles Mingus 

62. Willie Mitchell 

63. Modern Jazz Quartet 

64. Thelonious Monk Quartet 

65. Mothers of Invention 

66. Oscar Peterson Trio 

67. Jean-Luc Ponty Quartet 

68. Max Roach 

69. Sonny Rollins 

70. Pharoah Sanders 

71. Santana 

72. The Section 

13. George Shearing 

74. Archie Shepp 

15. Horace Silver 

76. Jimmy Smith Trio 

717. Lonnie Liston Smith 

78. Supersax 

79. Gabor Szabo 

80. Clark Terry 

81. Jethro Tull 

82. Ventures 

83. David T. Walker 

84. Jr. Walker and the 

АП Stars 

. T-Bone Walker 

j. Grover Washington, Jr. 

- Weather Report 

"Tony Williams 

- Teddy Wilson Trio 

- Winter Consort 

» Phil Woods 

92. World's Greatest Jazzband 

93. Young-Holt, Unlimited 


“iDa реа 


ALONG THIS 


--——------- CUT 


Please put down the numbers of listed 
candidates you choose, the names of your 
write-in choices; only one in each category, 
except where otherwise indicated. 


BIC-BAND LEADER 


FIRST TRUMPET 


SECOND TRUMPET 


THIRD TRUMPET 


FOURTH TRUMPE 


FIRST TROMBONE 


SECOND TROMBONE 


ihe 173 
pilaro 

a22 E pO 
Trl MI 


THIRD TROMBONE VIBES 
FOURTH TROMBONE GUITAR 
FIRST ALTO SAX BASS 
SECOND ALTO SAX DRUMS 


FIRST TENOR SAX 


OTHER INSTRUMENTS 


SECOND TENOR SAX 


MALE VOCALIST 


BARITONE SAX 


FEMALE VOCALIST 


CLARINET VOCAL GROUP 
PIANO SONGWRITER-COMPOSER 
ORGAN INSTRUMENTAL COMBO 


PLAYEOY JAZZ & POP HALL OF FAME 


Instrumentalists and vocalists, living or dead, are 
eligible. Artists previously elected (Herb Alpert, 
Louis Armstrong, Count Basic, Dave Brubeck, Ray 
Charles, Eric Clapton, John Coltrane, Miles Davis, 
Bob Dylan, Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald, Benny 
Goodman, George Harrison, Jimi Hendrix, Mick 
Jogger, Janis Joplin, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, 
Wes Montgomery, Jim Morrison, Elis Presley, Frank 
Sinatra) are not eligible. 


PLAYBOY'S RECORDS OF THE YEAR 
BEST INSTRUMENTAL LP (BIG BAND): 


BEST INSTRUMENTAL LP (FEWER THAN 
TEN PLECES): 


BEST VOCAL LP: 


Name and address must be printed here to authenticate ballot. 


NOMINATING BOARD: Cannonball Adderley, Herb Alpert, lan Anderson, Burt Bacharach, George Benson, Ray Brawn, Eric 
Clapton, Hal David, Miles Davis, Buddy De Franco, Billy Eckstine, Duke Ellington, Keith Emersan, Raberta Flack, Pete Faun- 
tain, Stan Getz, Lionel Hamptan, Slide Hampton, Herbie Hancack, Milt Jackson, Mick Jagger, Elton John, J. J. Johnsan, Carole 
King, Rahsaan Roland Kirk, Paul McCartney, Gerry Mulligan, Boots Randolph, Buddy Rich, Daniel Seraphine (for Chicago), 
Doc Severinsen, Jimmy Smith, Ronald Townson (for The 5th Dimension), Kai Winding, Edgar Winter, Phil Waods, Si Zentner; 
plus cll other musicicns wha gat enough votes to be listed in last February's results; and David Axelrad, Capitol; Don 
De Micheal; Nesuhi Ertegun, Atlantic; Milt Gabler, Commadore; Nat Hentoff; Jimmy Hilliard, Warner Bros; Teo Macero, 


Columbi 


Before compiling the list of performers on the pre- 
ceding pages, we sent nominating ballots to all of the 
above—the list came to several hundred people. Now, 
our readers’ ballot has a finite number of spaces, so, of 
course, we can’t get everybody on it—and for everyone 
we add, we have to drop someone. So we try to get a list 
that reflects the range of today's musical spectrum—and 
it’s possible that one or more of your favorite artists may 
not be included. If so, do not panic. You can still vote 
for that artist; just print his (or her) name in the appro- 
priate space on the ballot—which is the flip side of this 
detachable page. 

If the person you wish to vote for is on the list, you 
don’t need to write the name—just the number. Last 
year, some readers wrote in names when numbers would 
have sufficed, which made things a little bit harder, not 
only for them but also for the people (and computers) 
who tabulated the vote, 

The difference between a Big-Band Leader and the 
leader of an Instrumental Combo is the difference 


۸ 


0m 
ii 


; Jack Mcher, Dawn Beat; Jahn Rosica, CTI; Bob Thiele, Flying Dutchman; and Gearge Wein, Newpart Jazz Festival. 


between nine and ten. If the group has nine pieces or 
fewer, it's a combo; ten or more, and it's a big band. 

Speaking of big bands, the reason you are asked to 
vote for more than one person in some categories is that 
big bands usually carry several men in those categories. 

In voting for the Jazz & Pop Hall of Fame, keep in 
mind that the following people are ineligible, because 
they've already made it: Herb Alpert, Louis Armstrong, 
Count Basie, Dave Brubeck, Ray Charles, Eric Clapton, 
John Coltrane, Miles Davis, Bob Dylan, Duke Elling- 
ton, Ella Fitzgerald, Benny Goodman, George Harrison, 
Jimi Hendrix, Mick Jagger, Janis Joplin, John Len- 
non, Paul McCartney, Wes Montgomery, Jim Morrison, 
Elvis Presley and Frank Sinatra. 

When you've completed your ballot, make sure it has 
your name and address on it; otherwise, it won't count. 
Then mail it to PLAYBOY JAZZ & POP POLL, Playboy 
Building, 919 N. Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 
60611. Ballots must be postmarked no later than Octo- 
ber 15, 1973. Results will be in our February 1974 issue. 


N کا کے ی ای‎ ЕНШЕ ЫЫ ЧЕ س‎ СН у ee 


----- CUT ALONG THIS 


p | 
тт که‎ сш рој o зет шу] ssan р,, 
х wl ao 

war 


THID SVOHVA JHL 


WHEN THE CONFEDERACY became troubled by a shortage of niter, 
which was essential to the production of gunpowder, an enter. 

ing Bureau in Selma, Ala- 
led to try an untapped source. On October 1, 1863, 
he inserted in the Selma Sentinel the following notice: 


prising agent of the Niter and Mi 
bama, de 


The ladics of Selma arc respectfully requested to pre- 
serve all their chamber Iye collected about their premises 
ons with barrels will 


for the purpose of making niter. W; 
be sent 


round for it by the subscriber. 
ed) Jno Haralson 


Agent, Niter and Mining Bureau 


This notice inspired Thomas B. Wetmore, a young lawyer 
пр as provost marshal of Selma, to inscribe a 


who was servi 
poem to his friend: 


Jno Haralson! Jno Haralson! 
You arc а funny creature; 
You've given to this cruel war 
A new and useful feature. 


You've let us know, while every man 


Is bound to be a fighter, 

The women, bless them, can be put 
To making lots of niter 

Jno Haralson! [no Haralson! 
Where did you get the notion 

Of sending barr 
To fill them with that lotion? 

We thought the women did eno 
Alsewing shirts and hissing: 

But you haze put the lovely dears 
To patriotic pissing. 

Jno Haralson! Jno Haralson! 
Can't you suggest a nenter 

And faster method for our folks 
To make up our saltpeter? 

Indeed, the thing's so very odd, 
Gunpouderlike and стану 

That when a lady lifts her skirt 
She shoots a horrid Yan 


Not to be outdone, Haralson wrote a reply: 


The women, bless their dear souls, 
Are every one for war, 

Tosoldier boys they'll give Шей shoes 
And stockings by the score. 

They'll give their jewels all away, 
Their petticoats they'll lower, 

They'll have salt peter or they ll say 
In earnest phyase—" Wet more!” 

The women were it not for them, 
Our country would be lost; 


s round our street 


an Alabama tale from The Story of Selma 


Ribald Classic 


tributed to the fun. The following poem was supposedly 


written by 


They charm the world, they nerve our hearts 


To fight at every cost. 


What care they how our powders made? 


They'll have it or they'll bore 
Through mines or beds in stables laid, 
And, straining, cry “Wel more! 
Women, yes they stoop to conquer 
And keep their virtue pure; 
It is no harm to killa beast 
With chamber lye, Рт sure. 
But powder we are bound to have 
And this they've sworn before; 
And if the needful thing is scarce, 
They'll “press” it and "Wet more!” 


Thi: 


irresistible nonsense was circulated widely and sur- 


reptitiously, and after the Civil War, even a Yankee con- 


ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD HOLLAND 


a Boston widow: 


Jno Haralson! Jno Haralson! 
We read in song and story 

That women in all these years 
Have sprinkled fields of glory; 

But never was it told before 
That how, midst scenes of slaughter, 

Your Southern beauties dried their tears 
And went to making water. 

No wonder, Jno, your boys were brave; 
Who would not be a fighter 

If every time he shot his gun 
He used his sweethearts niter? 

And, vice versa, what could make 
A Yankee soldier sadder 

Than dodging bullets fired fiom 
A pretty woman's bladder? 

They say there was a subtle smell 
That lingered in the powder; 

And as the smoke and fire grew thick 
And din of battle louder, 

That there was [ound in this compound 
A serious objection, 

That soldiers could not sniff it in 
Without a stiff erection. 


—Retold by Ralph Draughon 


н 


PLAYBO 


SLICING UP THE BIG APPLE eon poze 120) 


and was pushing narcotics, just becom- 
ing an underworld moncy-maker with the 
enactment of the Harrison Act, which 
de and forced 
thousands of people who had become ad- 
dicted to legal opium-based patent medi- 
nes to turn—as Prohibition would 
usc drinkers to turn to an illegal mar 
ket to support their habit. In 1916, Luci- 
ano’s career as а pusher came to a sudden 
end; he was arrested and sent to prison 
for a year—it would be 20 years before he 
jail again. Back on the strcets, he 
umed the leadership of his gang, 
teamed up with Costello and was soon 
joined, as well, by Lansky. As his reputa- 
tion as a neighborhood tough with imag- 
ination grew, he came to the attention of 
older, powerful underworld leaders, par- 
ticularly those of the Sicilian Mafia, What 
set Luciano apart from most of his Sici 
n friends were driving ambition, consid- 
erable native intelligence and shrewdness 
and little prejudice or suspicion of out- 
siders. He recognized the value of brair 
as well as courage. At a young age, he 
became a dose friend of Lansky's and 
would remain his friend and partner al- 
most until the end of h fe. 

Lansky was the youngest. He was born 
in 1902 in Grodno, in the Polish Pale of 
Settlement, then under Russian rule, 
and brought to New Y Lower East 
Side, with his younger brother, Jake, in 
1911. Although he was small as a child 
and as an adult would never stand more 
than a few inches above five fcet, Lans 
was, nevertheless, tough and belligerent, 
good with any weapon and seemingly 
ways in the middle of a fight. While his 
education ended with the eighth grade, 
he was something of a mathematical 
prodigy; he combined this with mechani- 
cal aptitude, a penchant he shared with 
Luciano. Wherever , he was 
trailed by a taller, handsomer and. four- 
years-younger Jewish kid named Ben 
min Siegel, nicknamed “Bugsy.” The two 
were a team and would remain so, the 
leaders of a gang of young Jews 
lums. But when it was time to graduate 
from petty larceny into more daring and 
violent crimes, Lansky, with Siegel at 
elbow, looked for those with brains, cun- 
ning and ambition to match his own. He 
found them in the older Costello and 
Luciano. 

It was Prohibition that gaye them, as it 
gave so many others, the chance to move 
up from the small time. And it was Roth- 
stein who showed them the way. In re- 
cruiting strong arms and guns to protect 
Rothstein liquor shipments, Legs Dia- 
mond had, on occasion, made use of the 
services of Costello, Luciano, Lansky and 
their friends, and in so doing, he opened 
the door to the master. They knew Roth- 
п by reputation, knew that he was a 
from whom they could learn what 


was 


he wer 


h hood- 


could never be discovered in the streets, 
And Rothstein had enough cgo to be flat- 
tered by their respect and by their will- 
ingness to listen, ask questions, follow his 
advice. They were his pupils and he 
taught them well. He lectured constantly 
on the need for organization; freelancers 
in the rackets were only looking for 
trouble, were always wi ad at the 
mercy of the stronger, whether from the 
world outside or from the underworld. In 
organization (though he himself had al- 

vays shunned it; what applied to others 
did not necessarily apply to him, he was 
sure), there was the strength and the abil- 
ty to go alter what was too big for the 
ingle man. 

But Rothstein's ideas about or 
n far exceeded those commonly under- 
stood and practiced in the underworld. 
As they stood, he said, the gangs were 
ridiculous; ethnic exdusivity and ri- 
valry were both stupid and wasteful. 
nize the best, 
make alliances with anyone who could 
help, and to hell with where they came 
from. Look around at the way big busi 
nesses were run and copy their methods, 
That, Rothstein insisted, went beyond 
just selection of personnel, hiring and 
training of specialists, departmentaliza- 
tion and diversification, prudent use of 
money and time. It went to the creation 
image. Prohibition was giving the 
an opportunity that mi 
in, a chance to walk at least part 
way through the door to respectability 
and a measure of social acceptance as a 
good businessman, dealing in an illegal 
commodity, certainly, but a businessman 
nevertheless, All this could be blown if 
the image was only a grosser and richer 
reflection of the old portrait of the gang- 
ster. Let Capone and his Chicago con- 
temporaries dress garishly, flaunt their 
wealth and power openly, becoming the 
objecis not merely of public fear but of 
public derision and amusement as well. 
‘The outward facade won more than half 
the battle, according to Rothstein, and he 
pointed to himself as ап example. His 
pupils—and they followed his advice— 
should look only like the successful bu: 
nessmen they were; they should dress in 
good clothes, but clothes from the same 
tailors and in the same conservative styles 
the Wall Street bankers’; they should 
atch social leaders and ape their m: 
nets and their style; they should live 
quiedy and conservatively, giving little 
indication of th th or power. They 
should avoid public display, notoriety or 
publicity as much as possible, remain i 
the background and let the light sh 
somebody else, for when the light shone, 
so, too, did the heat. Look at Johnny 
"Torrio; he had practiced these rules 
amassed great power and wealth, but few 
seemed even to know his name, while 


janiza- 


we: 


everybody knew Capone, and this would 
eventually be Capone's und. 

Rothstein also lectured on the limited 
use of force. And he taught them one 
thing more: Survival was dependent on 
alliances with those in political power. 
Cultivate them assiduously. Rothstein 
had the key to the doors, he would open 
them and let them through. 

Beyond these doors, the young gang- 
sters discovered a changed world, As 
money from booze poured into their 
pockets, they no longer had to seek favors 
from Tammany Hall; now Tammany 
leaders came to them, and so did the po- 
lice; they could buy and own Tammany, 
and much more. 

Using these contacts, Costello managed. 
to corrupt the political world of New 
York even more than it had been corrupt- 
ed before. He had already begun to make 
a number of contacts with contempo- 
raries who had become ward leaders, and 
now, through Rothstein's influence, he 
widened his scope, began to forge deals 
with Tammany, with city hall, with the 
police department that would, by the 
end of the decade, pour more than 
$100,000,000 а year їп graft into official 
pockets up and down the line and would 
give the gangsters free rein to operate al- 
most any racket in the cit 

The moves to capture the allegiance 
of the politicians could not have come at 
a more opportune time for the racketecrs. 
For Tammany was embroiled in а strug- 
gle for power. Boss Charley Murphy was 
coming to the end of his long rule; he 
would die in 1924. The heirs apparent 
were greedy, venal and eminently cor- 
ruptible. They were James J. Hines, out 
of the traditional mold of Irish Tammany 
bosses. He had come up the long political 
lder, and the closer he came to reach- 
ing his goal of power and wealth, the 
more desperate he became to achieve it, 
seeking support wherever he could find 
it. He bought the assistance of, and 
eventually sold himself to, almost every 
Trish mobster in the cit 

Hines's chief rival was the first Italian 
to drive a wedge into the once solid Irish. 
suzerainty over Tammany. He was Albert 
C. Marinelli. As Hines sought support, 
strong arms and votes from the Irish un- 
derworld, Marinelli turned to the Italian. 

The struggle between Hines and Mari. 
nclli intensified and when Murphy died, 
the other powers in the Hall, rather than 
throwing in behind one or the other and 
so alienating the loser, turned to George 
W. Olvany as their new lcader. But Ol- 
ny was a weak mediocrity who made 
iule use of his power. So the struggle b 
tween Hines and Marinelli continued. 
Arnold Rothstein was friend to both, and 
to Olvany as well, and soon Costello be- 
came their friend and their benefactor, 
too. In the process, the Hall fell com- 
pletely to the underworld. Before the end 
of the decade, both Hines and Marinelli 

(continued on page 232) 


g 


at what point 
in time 
did your addled 
brain become 
inoperative? 


ua aj la 
ARA 


By G. BARRY GOLSO 


an, 1974 When life was simpler, when 
coffee was still 26 cents to go, when Water- 
gate was still fresh and exciting rather 
than a part of our daily ablutions. . . . 
Remember? Remember Senator 
Sam would lean over to Senator Howard 
and whisper something, and they'd both 
giggle, and you'd feel kind of . . . tingly 
all over? Were you the type of person 
who hoped the camera would zoom in on 
John Dean's face just as he was about to 


how 


make an important point? Or were you 
the kind who hoped the camera would 
zoom in on Maureen Dean's legs just as 
she was about to cross them? No matter. 
We all became Watergate addicts of one 
kind or another back then, and most of 
us got hocked for good. So let's take a 
tip through. memory lane together, to 
those good old days that began and 
ended with the crash of a gavel—hefore 
the Watergate series went into reruns. 


ILLUSTRATION BY CARL KOCK 


1. 


e 


Immediately following the arrests at 
the Watergate, the first thing one of 
the burglars said to his superior was: 

А. “І think we'll be able to keep 
a lid on it.” 

B. “Tve got some good news and 
some bad news for you, boss. 
The good news is that we got 
inside the Democratic Head- 


D. “Docs this mean І don't get to 
go to Miami? 

John Dean testified that during the 
March ?Ist meeting, he warned the 
President there was a “ 
growing on the Presidenc 

A. conspiracy 

B. canker sore 

C. cancer 

D. azalca bush 


. Which of the following is not a nick- 


name used by White House staffers 
in private conversation? 
The Brush” Haldeman 
. “The Pipe" Mitchell 
C. “Chuckles” Colson 
. “L. Patsy” Gray 
Dean testified that John Ehrlichman 
instructed him to take а briefcase of 
sensitive documents to the Potomac 
River and: 
A. "deep-twenty" it 
T. "decp-fry" i 
C. “decp-s 
D. “deep-throat” it 


. Special counsel Richard Moore, the 


“fatherly” witness who refuted some 
of Dean's testimony despite occa- 
sional lapses of memory, responded 
to one question in the following way: 
A."FlL let the answer stand— 
whatever it was 
В. "I can't unders 
hatever it was. 
. "I'll stand on my answer—who- 
ever Lam.” 
D. "Let me answer while I'm stand- 
ing—this boil's killing me." 


nd my answer— 


6. Dean claimed that the President dis 
cussed with him the matter of certain 
Watergate defendants’ demands for: 

A. Executive privilege 
Executive clemency 
. Fxecutive washrooms 
D. more Parks sausages 
7. Liddy’s statements to the press, to 


. Former police 


the prosecutors and to the Senate 
select committee can best be sum- 
marized in the following way: 

A. “Tm guilty, but so are others 
higher up.” 
m guilty, but no one higher 
up is guilty.” 


m guilty, but I'm also horn 
Anthony Ulas 
wicz who delivered moncy to the 
defendants, said he rcfused to bc in- 
volved after September 1972 and said 
(concluded on page 220) 


PLAYBOY 


158 


BURT REYNOLDS ton page 131) 


was an accident, but I never bought it. 
I knew him and I knew the way he drove. 
So it's important, at minimum, to get it 
pronounced right. Gila Bend. With an H 
up front. 

In any case, I get going. I'm off to fer- 
ret out some answers to the celebrated 
Burt Reynolds-Sarah Miles Gila Bend 
puzzle, а case that brought temporary re- 
lief to the Hollywood community, victims 
of a long drought in scandalous acti 
1 don't know it at the moment, but I am 
not fated to be the one observer in a great 
horde to discover that the butler did it. 
Or the nanny. Or the busboy or the ma 
or. Before long, I'm going to be over my 
head in police chiefs, rattlesnakes, bad- 
assed wranglers, Japanese masseuscs, CLA 
agents, relatives of Barry Goldwater, John 
Wayne-style mothers, you name 
the moment, its not important. 
know is that I am not exactly feeling 
a tiger these days, and it’s a chance to get 
out of the city. Amazing the way a lot ol 
slips off your shoulders when you get on 
a plane. Goodbye Valium, goodbye put- 
downs, goodbye taxes and the same iden- 
tical people. Farewell to fighting your way 
to sleep at five in the morning. I'm on my 
way. To Gila Bend. A friend, who is a 
Southwest freak, tells me not to get cute 
with the wranglers. 

“But I'm in shape.” 

“Not that kind of shape.” 

And he's right. Lean, crazy, stockyard. 
guys, chair-throwing, eyegouging, a lot 
of leaping over bars and throwing you 
through a window. Sumbitch. Yahoo. 
Jesus Christ, I hit this guy with сусгу- 
thing I've got and he keeps on coming. 
I'll probably take my friend's advice. 

Dropping down over Phoenix, it be- 
gins. Southwestern talk. The fellow be- 
hind me is describing somet 
snowflakes that fell on his ranch in the 
Southwest, each one "bigger than a silver 
dollar.” Each one with a different pat- 
tern, too, like fingerprints. I tell him I 
haven't been to Phoenix in 20 years and 
all | remember is a night club called The 
Flame. 

“The Flame, eh? Well, you've been 
there.” 

What does he mean, I've been there? 
Because I know The Flame? And if I 
didn't know The Flame, I hadn't been 
there? What's so terrifically Southwestern 
about that? I let it go and tell him I'm 
headed for Gila Bend. Note the “head- 
cd." When in Rome, etc. 

“That’s rough country," he says. “I lost. 
an engine flying over it. You can't fly out, 
jeep out, bulldoze out; you put one foot 
in front of the other foot. Otherwise, 
that's where you stay. 

And now I'm there, Steve McQucen 
country. Not Randolph Scott. but 
Nicholson, Lee Marvin, the Cadillac 
West, scene of the new contemporary 


Westerns that don't gross too well at the 
box office but that I love so much. Ben 
Johnson and Karen Black and the Ann- 
Margret of yesteryear. Once in a while, 
Paul Newman drops in, but he doesn't 
stay. Stetsons, pickup trucks out the ass. 
Trailer camps and land development, 
sassy drum majorettes and Arnold's Pickle 
and Olive Company. Bulldozers plowing 
up choice land, leftover cowboys maki 
up quick-buck schemes and losing every- 
thing, My favorite kind of West. I'm pick- 
gout Cybill Shepherds all over the place, 
except that no one's told them they're 
pretty. This, finally, is the quintessential 
home of prettiness. Except that I remem- 
ber I've said that about London, Stock- 
holm, New York, every р been. 
What I see around me are incredible mis- 
matches. Memin- 
ger. Rangy, long-legged Cybill Shepherds 
walking around with humpbacked little 
Southwestern weirdos, guys who've been 
thrown from a horse and kicked in the 
head. And the reverse. Lean, terrific оок 
ing, blue-eyed wranglers, not an eighth of 
an inch of fat on them, led around by 
massive, shapeless Papago Indian brides; 
no one ever told them they were great- 
looking guys. Meekly, they walk along, 
nd out of the side of his mouth, one says, 
‘She's breaking my balls." Wranglers with 
Jewish-Papago moms? What ап incredi- 
ble country! 

Sudden fags, too. A guy who ambles up 
like a cowpoke and hits me with a high- 
pitched voice full of heavy Mae West into- 
nations. In a barbecue pit. “Gila Bend?” 
he says, lowering his eyelids. “Why on 
earth would you want to go there? 
"There's not even a pitcher show. All you 
can do is go snakin’.” This is too much for 
me. Southwestern wrangler fags who go 
- I like the pitcher-show stuff and 
in’, but I can't deal with the rest. 
So now it's tomorrow; I rent a car and 
1 down toward Gila Bend, except that 
a little birdie whispers to me that 1 ought 
to visit The Phocnix Gazette; they were 
close to the action; maybe there's some- 
thing in their files. Maybe I'm not so anx- 
ious to get down to Gila Bend. 

About the case. For that lonely band 
who might have missed out on it, it goes 
something like this: They're shooting a 
Western called The Man Who Loved Cat 
Dancing. Big best seller. Not as big as 
they figured, but big enough. Big names. 
Burt Reynolds. Sarah Miles. George 
Hamilton. Lee J. Cobb. MGM. Sarah 
Miles of Ryan’s Daughter fame, the wife 
n who is always described as 
guished Robert Bolt." He gets 
involved only with distinguished things. 
Lady Caroline Lamb. A Man for All Sea- 


sons. a fellow around named 
David Whiring. who is described as her 
business manager. Young kid, 26, former 


Time correspondent, who gets infat- 


uated with beautiful flm stars Can- 
dice Bergen (“In the bright sunlight, her 
spun-gold hair framing her face, a faint 
mustache of milky health elixir on her 
upper lip . .. it is onc of the world’s most 
perfect faces”); Inger Stevens, Paula 
Prentiss and now the beautiful, unpre- 
dictable (she enters rooms on her hands), 
outrageously quotable Sarah Miles 
("When nature calls, I must have а wee- 

- It makes a pleasant sound—tir 
tinkle—and it does relieve one so."). 
begins by writing ап article about 
h Miles: The Maiden Man- 
Eater,” and somehow gets himself adopt- 
ed by Sarah and Robert Bolt as “one of 
the family,” an example of those triple- 
edged Pinteresque arrangements the Brit- 
ish are able to handle without batting an 
eyelash. David is moody. unpredictable, 
alternately witty and deeply depressed, 
bordering on the suicidal. He threatens 
to take his own life if they ever unload 
him and, indeed, makes one such at- 
tempt. They keep him on board, Sarah 
taking him along for the filming of Cat 
Dancing. Though Sarah describes the 
relationship as brother-sister, he watches 
her with a wary eye, gets upset by her 
obsession with wranglers. ("By Christ, 
they're wonderful!” she tells the press.) 
They're shooting part of the picture near 
Ajo and the company stays at the nearby 
Bend TraveLodge. On the fateful 
night, the way it’s supposed to go is this: 
Sarah gets bored by a party for the com- 
pany at the Palomino Bar and 
(to which David isn’t invited). Even 
though she's knocked out by the wran- 
glers, she's bored anyway. All anyone 
wants to do is cat. And she's got a jittery 
stomach. So she hops into Lee J. Cobb's 
Maserati-powered Citroen and they shoot 
back to the motel; she stops in at Burt 
Reynolds’ room. Little haziness on just 
how long she stays. Time is a little hazy 
throughout the story. Unlike film-shoot 
ing schedules, everything is approxi- 
mate. What's for sure is that Reynolds 
aged by little ReTsuKo, а 
Tokyo-trained masseuse hired in Scotis 
dale to work on the company. Alter a hazy 
amount of time, Sarah goes back to her 
own room and walks right into Whiting, 
who leaps out of a clothing rack, foan 
over with jealousy. Whiting: Where have 
you been, where have you been, where 
have you been? Miles: None of your busi- 
ness, none of your business, none of your 
business. Later, Sarah tells an investigat 
ing officer that David “slapped” her; but 
at the inquest, the slapping gets escalated 
into a "beating," with Sarah receiving 
two goose eggs” on her forehead, a 
bloody nose and a cut lip. Whatever the 


ne Evans (who is looking after Sarah's 
child, Thomas) enters, tries to pr 1 
Sarah and David. Sarah tells the nanny to 


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159 


PLAYBOY 


160 


call Burt, who, apart from being a gen 
ely fine actor (Cosmopolitan centerfold 
to the contrary), has carved muscles, trape- 
zoids, lats, the works. This seems to cool it 
for Whiting, who splits the scenc. Reyn- 
olds appears, tells Sarah, “My God, you 
look like a mess!" and takes her back to 
his room, where he looks after her for the. 
night. This includes bathing her wounds. 
Next day ah returns to hi ad 
finds Whiting dead. Burt is called, takes 
his pulse ("Something I must have picked 
up in the movies 
refers to a 
а pill bottle ощ of David's hand. Pills 
arc found all over the place, 12 different 
ieties: sleepers, vitamins, downers, etc. 
wuallv. the police chief is sum- 
moned and it looks like a routine O.D. 
case, 190 many tablets of methaqualone 
tricky new downer. very popular with 
kids. But then, all of a sudden. it 
doesn't. When David gets rolled over onto 
his back. Too much blood, all pouring: 
out of what becomes a famous "si 
shaped" wound on the back of the kid's 
head, And he's bec d up pretty 
Bruises on his chest, wrists. 


ban 


badly, to 
pelvis, etc, Blood in three rooms, blood 
on towels, Kleenex, back in his own room. 
ound of activity. Important 1 
yers showing up. and then everyone, in 
the words of the local police chief, “haul- 
g ass" The 
pressed on by the dead boy's mother, 
Mrs. Louise Campbell, and a court 
order, the principals are forced to re 
turn and test person at a second 


n inquest, and then, 


ШЦ 
| | || 
||! 
ПЕШ 


“Well,I did like you said. 1 mated the pandas.” 


session of the i 
verdicts divide. 
visiting professor of pharmacology at the 
University of Arizona, says that Whit- 
ing’s drug level of ВВ milligrams per 
100 milliliters of blood was only “one 
third of the lethal level, and not much 
higher than а doctor would prescribe.” 
He's not buying the O.D, trip for a mi 
ute. But Maricopa County medical ex- 
aminer Heinz Karnitschnig, implies that 
Brodie’s figures are old ones; he has new 
material indicating that the dosage was 
lethal.” Theres a suspenseful wait for 
the verdict of Hollywood's famed "coro- 
ner to the star: Noguchi, whose 
credits. include Joplin ilyn 
Monroe, Bobby Kennedy and Sharon 
Tate. The Japanese forensic spec 
goes with Karnitschnig,says there's eno 
inethaqualone 


» the boy's body to sup- 
port the O.D. thesis. In the question- 
ing of the principals, Mulford Sonny" 
Winsor IV, local justice of the peace, is 
thrown off his game by Sarah Miles’s 
dinging white blouse ("One way or 
nother, I've been naked in all my films — 
by now Гус gor a veteran pair of 
breasts"), administers the wrong oath 
and admits, "You're so pretty, you shook 
me up.” Upset at being called back for 
what seems to be a perfunctory question- 
ing session, Reynolds calls the justice of 
the peace d the local folks 
get their backs up. Big dispute over 
whether he's a plumber or a "plumbing 
lost all respect for Burt 
Bend police chief Ton 


Cromwell tells me later. “the day he cast 
aspersions on our justice of the peace, a 
man who knows the law and didn't have 
to drop his drawers in Cosmopolitan to 
get where he is.” Variety's Army Archerd 
quotes Dan Melnick, MGM produce: 
vice-president, as backing up his star, 
Reynolds, by sending him a set of plumb- 
ng tools ying, “If g 
gets too dull, you can always go in with 
the plumber in Gila Bend.” 

The inquest ends with 
verdict from the coroner's jury: "We, the 
jury .. . say: That the dead body in- 
spected by us was the body of David 
Andrew Whiting. that he died la. 
Bend in Gila Bend Precinct, Maricopa 
County, Arizona, on the Ith day of 
February 1973, and that said death was 
the result of poisoning due to an over 
dose of drugs. Whether this overdose was 
taken intentionally or accidentally has 
not been determined. Also, it has not 
becn determined whether or not physical 
injuries found om the body were con 
tributing factors in the death or how 
these injuries were sustained.” Very 
fudgy. Yet the jury checks with Mulford 
"Sonny" Winsor IV and asks if they can 
ve a verd € this, They're asking— 
but its the only kind they're going to 
give. Press very restless. Too many un 
answered questions. Too much blood. 
Too much courtesy, even shyness, on the 
part of the law. A quality of the perfune 
tory about the questioning. What about 
all that blood? And all those wounds? 
How come the stars’ lawyers got to sit at 
the same table as the deputy county at 
torneys, while David's mom and her at 
torney, Raul Castro, had to sit in the 
spectator section? And exactly what was 
Sarah doi п Burt's room all that time? 
r that one up herself, 
room. It’s right up her 
Hey. “If anyone had been beaten up as 
badly as I was, it was not the most ide 
lations.” 
In fact, it just Бе. 
to get under way. A lot of heavy theo- 
rizing on. New York's Upper. East Side: 
Could Reynolds have beat the kid up 
and shoved some pills down his throat? 
Could Sarah have beat him up? Awful 
lot of speculating on the various affair 
combinations. Burt and Sarah. Sarah and 
the nanny. David and the nanny. Bi 
Sarah and the nanny. David, Sarah 
the nanny. Bolt, David and Sarah, End- 
less combinations. None of them involve 
Lee J. Cobb. Нез not linked with any- 
one. Neither, for some odd reason, i 
George Hamilton. Е 

And what about the Japanese mas 
зеце? And the starshaped wound? 
That's the one that gets me. Like the 
organic prunes in the Howard Hughes- 
Clifford Irving affair At Elaine's, some- 
опе comes up with a Phillips-screwdriver 
theory. It’s the only thing that makes a 
star-shaped wound. The kind of tool you 


n uncertain 


outside the cow 


Salem reireslies 


| es Naturally grown menthol. 
P m 7` «Rich natural tobacco taste. 
af NC A * No harsh, hot taste. 


4 rey a с 
я) Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined pae eun ова Tobacco со. 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health SUPER KING: тїт mg. nicotine, 


4 а. REB mg. "tar", 1.3 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette, FTC Report FEB. '73. 
Б. NX v 


PLAYBOY 


use on foreign cars. Someone clobbered 
the kid with a Phillips screwdriver, And 
people are buying it. It's very latc. Some- 
one orders a Phillips screwdriver, on the 
rocks. 

At The Phoenix Gazelle, a terrific- 
looking columnist, blue-eyed, well-mus- 
cled, British accent, secs me picking 
through the files and introduces himself. 
Paul Dean. Anything he can do 10 help 
me? He's an itinerant journalist, been 
around the world three times, settled in 
Phoenix because he likes it there, The 
only thing he can do to help me is to help 
hi rching over to audition for 
some new James Bond picture. Or a Fred- 
erick Forsyth novel. (I'm suddenly aware 
that there are a lot of terrificlooking guys 
marching through this story. What's going 
on here? 15 this a closet I see before 
me—with me living in it all these years? 
ІГ it is, I'm staying right in there) Dean 
likes the notion that Reynolds could have 
smacked the kid around. "After all, if а 
lovely lady is under attack, summons your 

istance, you go after the blighter and 
punch him in the nose, don't you?” 

“Not automatically. I size up the 
n first. Look the guy over. Make sure 
Em not getting sucked in by the lady 
Then I decide whether to move.” 

He thinks that one over, doesn't seem 
pleased, but decides I'm all right and he's 
going to help me anyway. He tells me 
the fabled Japanese masseuse, Re- 
TsuKo, is living in nearby Scottsdale. Not 
only that but just the other day, chief 
Tom Cromwell of the Gila Bend police 
department called her, asked her some 
questions about Reynolds, the condition 
of his body while she was massaging 
him. Any marks, etc. What's this? The 
case is supposed to be closed. It ain't that 
closed. And I'm within spitting distance 
of the fabled ReTsuKo. I thank De: 
and track the little rascal down to Jack 
LaLanne’s International Health Spa in 
Scottsdale, right beyond the Camelback 
Mountains. Damned if they don't have a 
camel's back, too. I could have called 
ahead, bur I decide to be very Columbo, 
very Harper, and simply drop by. Some 
ladies see me and think it's men's day at 
the spa, which it isn't. I run outside, haul 
them back in. ReTsuKo is busy with a 
ady client, but she'll sec me in 90 mi 
utes or so. I'm assuming that she's got 
clients backed up for months on the basis 
of the Burt Reynolds publicity, but it 
tums out she hasn't. She's massaging 
very quietly, anonymously, on Camelback 
Road. I wait in the lounge, watching 
lies work on those unsightly 
bulges: it's my view theres no way on 
earth they're gonna get ‘em to disappear, 
They should just swing with ‘em, but 
casy for me to say; they're not my bulges. 

I spot ReVsuKo and she is small. 1 
mean big-league small. You can put two 


162 of her in your pocket. A little embarrass- 


ing to admit this, but I get a terrible urge 
for Japanese food. I've just heard about 
a Scottsdale law that says women can't 
massage men, and vice versa, but when 
she comes out, I tell her that what I'm 
looking lor is the exact same massage she 
е Burt Reynolds. She's a very pretty 
litle thing and I forget about her height 
and my yen for shrimp tempura. She says 
I have a pleasing personality, but she's 
little edgy. I figure money talks, nobody 
ks, so I mention а pleasing figure to 
go with my pleasing personality. She's got 
to check with her husband, Mr. Roberts 
(her name is ReTsuKo Roberts), to see 
if it's all right to slip me this massage a 
her home. She can't do it, obviously, 
Jack LaLanne's. Her husband, she says, is 
former CIA pilot, who went through 
the window of his cockpit in Laos, €s- 
caped from the Laotian version of the 
Cong, but has poor eyesight and can't Пу 
anymore. This is getting a little weird. It 
gets even weirder. She got to Burt Reyn- 
olds and Sarah Miles у Gold- 
water's sister, who recommended her to 
the Hilton people, who passed her 
to the MGM Cat Dancing comp 
Barry Goldwater's sister is crazy about 
ReTsuKo and calls her a “comedian.” 1 
notice she docs a lot of giggling, but I 
don't sce the comedic talent quite yet. 
She suggests І check into the Scottsdale 
Hilton and she'll come over with her spe- 
ial massage table. I check in and it's not 
that hard to take. The Hiltons have done 
Iding a beautiful new hotel 


mc farther away, come to think of it, but 
I figure it’s worth it. These spools have a 
ay of unwinding; suddenly, the Gold- 
ers and the СТА are in the picture. At 
this rate, 1 may wind up in Beirut, talk- 
ing to Palestinian guerrillas. 

Nine o'clock on the dot, ReTsuKo is at 
the door and following close behind is 
her husband, lean, silver-gray hair. and a 
guy who can knock off a quick 100 one- 
armed push-ups. He can also pull out 
your Adam's apple and feed it to you, if he 
gets carried away. Somehow I'm nor sur- 
prised to see him. We shake hands, he 
helps her set up a low-slung, finely tooled 
Sonylike table, which she could have set 
up by herself. Is he going to sit down and 
watch me get massaged? No, he just want- 
ed to say hello, He'll be downstairs at the 
bar. I's not very relaxing, but I go along 
with it. He leaves and ReTsuKo is still a 
little edgy. This is just a massage, right? 
she wants to know. Of course, a Bi 
Reynolds massage. It turns out that Reyn- 
olds shamed her. How so? He wanted her 
to do “a little sexual." 

“Well, maybe you shamed him.” 1 e: 
all about massage parlors in New 
k, LA., places where its almost im- 
possible to get a massage if you don't 
want the masseuse to do "a little sex- 


ual,” You ask for a straight massage and 
they think you're some kind of freak. She 
doesn't hear any of this. All she knows is 
that she's studied for two years, learning 
how to manipulate nerve endings, at Pro- 
fessor Nagasomebody's in Japan. I say ter- 

ific, and she can forget about the sexual, 
just give me the same massage she gave 
Burt. 

“Better,” she says, as I whip off my 
clothes. It's going to be better, because 
she didn't have her table at Gila Bend 
nd had to work Reynolds on a motel 
bed. The table enables her to hop all 
over the place. She puis some cold eye 
patches over me and goes to work. I'm a 
little worried about the disgruntled CIA 
fellow down at the bar, Bare-assed, with 
patches over my eyes—I'm not exactly 
ready to deal with the CIA. RéTsuKo 
tells me Burt has a terrific body, but he 
n't that natural a person. Sarah has a 
fine body, too, lean, really dynamite, and 
little more natural. Re FsuKo. 
would prefer doing women, because there 
isn’t all that muscle to get through. At 
first, she was impressed by her assign- 
ment, the cast of Cat Dancing, but then it 
was just another massage gig. Who would 
have impressed her? Henry Fonda o 


Peter O'Toole, either together or sepa- 
rately. They're more her style. One nice 
thing about Burt is that even when she 
backed down on doing “a little sexual,” 
he Jet her keep the extra bread. (The fee 
was $20; he gave her $40.) She felt guilty 
bout this and threw in an extra massage 
for the lady hairdresser on the picture, a 
friend of Burt's. 

I'm starting to get into the massage. 
She really does know about nerves 
she's discovering entire communication 
centers of New York tension in my neck 
nd shoulders that I never knew I had. 
She tips in at a fast 85 pounds soa 
wet, but she gets all 85 pounds behind her 
fingers and each probe is like the perfect 
punch that "Torres used to take out Pas- 
trano. I've brought all this East Coast ten- 
sion to Arizona and she's able to smoke it. 
out, all ihe while saying "Poor baby, poor 
baby.” For a split second, I'm a lonely GI 
listening to "Tokyo Rose and really dig- 
ging it. I'm ready to throw in the towel 
and go A.W.O.L. We're both really cook- 
ing, when there's this pounding on the 
door. The CLA guy. A lot of my te 
shoots back in. He just wants to let her 
know that he's waiting. Of course, he's 
iting. We all know that. He goes back 
to the bar and ReTsuKo apologizes, 
saying he's shamed because he can't fly 
and has to carry her massage table. Every- 
body is shamed around here. We go back 
to the massage, and now she really ups the 
te. I'm not exactly sure how she's pull- 
ng it off, but whatever she’s doing, 
comes across as either heavy raindrops on 
my ass or light-footed Japanese poni 
Maybe a combination. Ponies and rain- 
drops. She does an elaborate slapping 


ion 


1.715 o Re oso 


“He pulled something called executive privilege on me. . . ." 


163 


PLAYBOY 


164 


thing on the soles of my feet and talks 
about relaxation. I’m going to be relaxed 
for a month. I'm not sure I want to be this 
ed. The CIA guy shows up again and 
he's a little testy now. but I'm too relaxed 
to worry about й. ReTsuKo tells him to 
relax and apologizes. He heads for the bar 
again and we're off. To tell the truth, up 
front, I was hoping for "a little sexual.” 
Tim always ready for “a little sexual’ 
some kind of family thing that got passed 
on—but I swear to you this is better 0 
sexual. Suddenly, I*m right behind 
Lindsay and his effort to throw the mas- 
sage parlors out of the city—but only if 
he replaces them with a city full of 
licensed ReTsuKos. This has got to be a 
substitute for hash, coke, skag. Assign 
cach junkie a ReTsuKo and you can 
close down the methadone clinics. 
Meanwhile, ReTsuKo can't get over 
how big I am. Burt's got the Киз and the 
pecs, but she's marveling over my bigness. 
This is some Japanese cupcake. No won- 
der Goldwater's sister passed her along to 
the Hiltons, who passed her along to 
MGM. I'm the most relaxed fellow in 
Arizona when the CIA guy comes back. 
This time, he shoves open the door and 
says, “Fuck it, I'm getting out of here.” 


Very tense there for a moment, and I'm 

ied about my Adam's apple. ReTsu- 
Ko says don't worry, he's like a little boy, 
she can handle him, and then she finishes 
me off with more ponies and raindrops. 
She leaves; 1 make a feeble attempt to 
check the local Scottsdale action, but then 
1 collapse, drugged, sure that I’m going to 
sleep for a week. I haven't made it to Gila 
Bend; I certainly haven't solved any mys- 
teries; but I've gotten myself some son of 
a bitch of a massage. Miraculously, I wake 
up the next morning and decide she's 
overdone it a little; there are two pressure 
points at the base of my neck that are 
pounding away. Is it possible she and the 
CIA guy have slipped a finely tuned elec- 
tronic gadget in there and that all my ac 
tivities for the next month will be piped 
back to some underground headquar- 
ters? I've been reading too much about 
‘Watergate. 

I say goodbye to the Scottsdale Hilton, 
but not before a blonde lifeguard right 
out of the Cybill Shepherd cookie cutter 
comes up and asks, “Is it possible, in your 
view, to sustain a one-on-one relationship 
for the dur. n of a lifetime?" What am 
I, some older, venerable sage type she's 
spotted? I tell her that the prospects are 


"Farnum, what kind of marriage manual is that?" 


a little dim, in my view, and she looks for- 
lorn. A single strand of pubic hair peeps 
out of her bikini bottom, but I'm not 
blowing Gila Bend for any pubichair 
strand. 1 ind of thing. 
Maybe Vil catch her on the w 

1 hear it gets to be 126 degre 
summer down at “the Bend" (they call 
the fan-belt capital of the world, because 
everybody's fan belt breaks down there 
on the way to Tucson), so T get Hertz's 
two-door Montego special in tiptop con- 
dition before I head out. The garage 
mechanic says his dog just bit a neighbor 
child. Is he covered under norn ur- 
Idon't know about things like that. 
I just love the expression—neighbor 
child—and can't get over how casual he 
is. Of course, the neighbor child's father, 
equally casual, is liable to stroll over and 
casually put one between his cycs. A 
breakfast of old-fashioned buttermilk 
pancakes—"tender as a woman's heart" 
and I start traveling, headed 60 miles 
south of Phoenix. Glen Campbell coun- 
try. I pass the Triple A Ranch, the Quick 
Seed rnold's Pickle 
and Olive Company, a massive sheep farm, 
fourlegged wooled sweaters, benign, 
fairy-tale animals, totally oblivious of the 
chaos in meat prices. I turn on the 
dio—Stevie Wonder, Roberta Flack, Mar- 


ic ties it all together. 
At a drugstore, І spot а classylooking 
ight citizen, a pillar of respecta 
caking out with a copy of Anal Nieces— 
th all this conservative stult, they're 
just as horny here as they are back East. 
Now I'm in the craggy, ferocious Gila 
Bend desert country. І used to fly over 
it and 1 get a little nauseated, as І re- 
member crawling along the bosoms of 
nastylooking pock-marked mountains. 1 
can still smell the sweet and sickening 
fuel as it leaked through to the cockpit of 
an old prop-driven trainer. The Air Force 
owns millions of acres in this territory, 
used it and still does as a gunnery range. 
The idea then was to build up simulated 
Korean villages and ammo dumps and let 
the new jet fighters practice blowing 
them to ribbons. Build them up again, 
blow them out. That was salute-the-flag, 
the-Marines-are-coming, gung-ho and my- 
country-tisof-thee time. It still is, at least 
for the Air Force. 

On the ground, they've got F-84s dis. 
guised as MIGs, and also simulated SAM 
ile sites. The jets fly over and practice 
wiping them out. The poor bastards on 
the ground paste the targets back to- 
gether and the jets zero in again. It goes 
on like this. 

Now I'm in Gila Bend, and it’s a lucky 
thing I jam on the brakes; otherwise, I'd 
be оп my way to "Tucson. Em а pretty 
good describer, but I'm going to pass on 
describing this burg. Someone back in 
Phoenix said it was "2000 people and 


Johnny, walk’er to a bar and say... 


p» 


“Don’t give up the ship 


“What more could you want for 
seven ewe lambs? She's comely, strong, great in bed and 
never heard of women’s lib.” 


thats a bunch. Two thousand if you 
throw in the rattlesnakes.” You sce the 
Santa Fe Railroad, some motels, a feed 
company, and then you're past it. You 
can't call it a small town; it just begins 
and then it's over. There's not even room 
h хо gossip. And they ought to be 
thrilled they have something to gossip 
about. They ought to send Burt Reynolds 
all. mysterious weekly check for the 
he handed them. 

I find the now-noworious TraveLodge 
and it's more insignificant than adver 
tised. E haven't reserved а room and say 
I'd like one. The fellow gives me the key 
to room 135, and, with a wink, says, 
“That's the one Burt Reynolds had! 
Now I identify myself and he gives me the 
score card on room requests. Reynolds is 
1. That is, curiosity seekers ask 
n that of any of the 
p h Miles follows closc 
nd David Whiting, the dead boy, 
the end of the list. Only a few 
people want to sleep in his pad. No one 

ants Lee J. Cobb's room. 
ife says she doesn't. 


il days. “Between you, 
me and the fence post, it just won't 
wash." The motel manager's wile says if 
there was all that screaming, if Whiting 
as, indeed, beating up Sarah Miles, how 
come there was no sound? She's got a 
point there. 

Later, i 


shifts sl 


Reynolds’ room, the wind 
ghily and the whole Trave- 


rian suspense novel. The m 
nts to know if I think any money 
changed hands to keep people q 
don't know, ma'am, I just got here, but 
5 my notion that it didn't work that 


she says, being very fair and judicial. The 
newspapers described a “massive pool 
of blood" around the boys head. Who 
cleaned it up? I ask. Just one of the girls, 
she says, got the room back in shape in no 
time, just as if a guest had had a rough 
night and dropped his cookies. That's all 
there was to it, One more thing. She saw 
Sarah Miles after the “incident” and she 
certainly wasn't all bruised up the way 
they had her pictured in The National 
Taitler. Docs she remember David Whit- 
ing? Nope. Nobody does. He just sl 
around, was almost invisible. I'm going to 
be hearing this often in Gila Bend. All 
anyone knows is he ordered the same 
meal cach time he entered the dining 
room: a dub sand ad a shrimp cock, 
|. Do I think Burt “bashed” the boy? 
Again—I don't know, mam. I just 
rolled in. ILI find out. ГИ sure let you 
know. How's business? I ask her. A little 
slow, actually. When it 


I go to my room. What did he mean, 
Burt Reynolds room? It was my room 
first. That is. I've been in that room a 
hundred times. Anyone who's traveled 
been in that room. Its the room I 
check into once in a while to get a cold, 
mentliolated quiet so I can get a piece of 
writing done. Which I never get done. I 
think Truman Capote gets writing done 

rooms like that. Or at Jeast he did in 
Kansas once, Do I smell dried blood? I 
swear to myself that Im smel 
once saw a homicide detective pick up a 
kitchen knife, liule serrated job, with a 
drop of blood on the end. Looked like 
catsup to me—what there was of it I 
could see—but he pinned a stabbing 
homicide on the kitchen owner with it. I 
get carried away once in a while, but I'm 


no homicide dick, and I decide not to 
look around for bloodstains. What am I 
supposed to do with them if I find them? 
They found blood all over the place a 
couple of months hefore and the com- 
pany went on making Cat Dancing. 

It’s too late to catch the police ch 
I go out to the TraveLodge and the 
first fellow I run into, a heavily muscled 
Mexican, tells me he's heard I'm а writer 
and that I might as well check right out, 
because the town was totally unaffected 
by the “shooting.” Suddenly, it’s a shoot- 
ing. Everyone refers to it as either a 
shooting or a killing. Maybe they know 
something I don’t know. 

The Mexican asks me how I can expect 
the town to get excited about one shoot- 
ing when at least four guys a month fall 
aslecp on the Santa Fe tracks and get cut 
in thirds. What do they do that for? I 
ask. He can't help me. They get sleepy, 
so they lie down on the tracks. 

“So death comes casy in Gila Ben 

“Nothing to it," he says. “Especi 
some of the bar: 
wetbacks, m 
a plenty hot fire. 

A "TraveLodge waitress, Ireland-born, 
freshly divorced from a gunneryrange 
GI, says she didn't think much of the 
Cat Dancing folks, figuring they were a 
bunch of people who 
don't actually work for a living. She loved 
Burt Reynolds, though, and stood on her 
toes to slip him a kiss. Every woman I run 
into has the same story, and that would 
include the Iadies in the old-age home if 
they had one. The women couldn't get 
over Burt and the men, for the most part, 
could just as well have passed. Dave, the 
Travelodge bartender, on duty at the 
time of the “incident,” is not among 
the Reynolds lovers. He turns out to be a 
Jewish guy from Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, 
and when two truckers ask for beers, he 
says, “Don't rush me. I'm not an Arab, 
I'm a Hebe." I don't sec the logic in that 
statement, but nothing surprises me any- 
more. It wasn't anything Reynolds said 
that got Dave pissed off but something in 

is eyes. “His eyes told me he thought I 
a peasant. I'm from Ridge. 
Brooklyn. 
laybe it’s because he’s a new star. 
When he gets a little deeper into it, he'll 
case up." 

‘For Christ's 
Sullivan once 
Toffenctti 

While I'm flashing back to the story 
about the guy who went around bragging 
that he once pissed next to Gene Krupa, 
Dave hints that he can tell me plenty, or 
at least he could if he weren't part of the 
management. I take him aside and all he's 
got for me is that Sarah Miles drinks grass- 
hoppers and that the Big Four kept 
constantly checking one another's where- 
abouts. What am I supposed to do with 
that? What I do is try to figure out who 


i 

lly at 
You mix up Papagos, 
эз, wranglers and you get 


sake,” says Dave, "Ed 
shook my hand at 


aS UT >, 


f New ‘Cherokee 


PLAYBOY 


168 shooting pool with his friend, a on 


the Big Four are. I think they're Reyn- 
olds, Sarah, George Hamilton and an 
actor named Bo Hopkins, whom I remem- 
ber from The Getaway and who always 
seems to be in the picture. I ask Dave if 
there's any action in the vicinity and he 
tells me to forget about it. "Nothing be- 
tween here and El Centro. The GIs at the 
gunnery range are dying for a cha 
use penicillin, but there's no w: 
an inconspicuous blonde head slumped 
over at the end of the bar, except that it's 
not that inconspicuous. I recall the motel 
owner's telling me about a blonde girl rc- 
porter, staying at the TraveLodge. So 
he'd blown her cover the second 1 checked. 
in. I march her over to a side table; she 
trots along like a naughty child. We al- 
most exchange information, Turns out 
she knew and worked with David Whit 
ng. I want to know about Whiting and 
she wants to know what I was doing in 
Phoenix. Mexican standoff. We decide to 
be friends and tell each other nothing. 
She says 1 have a big advantage being а 
man and I look at the piled-up blonde 
hair and I'm not convinced. J flash on the 
idea of bouncing around the world as a 
team, her getting the blonde-hair materi- 
al, me getting what's left over—but then 
I drop it; it’s probably a TV series. 

What she’s done is to get me thinking 
about Whiting. Really thinking about 
him. The reality of him. This was a friend 
of hers, about the same age, a writer, and 
he's dead; one way or another. he went 
out in one of those Burt Reynolds motel 
rooms. She gives me a little tidbit. “The 
key to David,” she says, "is that he lost his 
father when he was very, very young.” 1 
give her a little tidbit in return, men- 
tio 
on the picture, and we call it quits. Much 
later, І remember how cagey I've been 
and I don't like myself for it. I call her in 
Los Angeles and apologize for being so 
gey. But that’s much later. A trucker at 
the bar tells me по matter how badly T 
want action, to avoid the Owl Buffet at all 
costs, very rough wrangler place. 1 shoot 
right over to the Owl Buffet. 

T take a seat at the bar and read a 
sign—or warning—berween the mirrors: 


g Reynolds’ friend, the hairdresser 


THERE was 
THAT SAT IN AN OAK 
‘THE MORE HE SAW 

THE LESS HE SPOKE 

THE LESS HE SPOKE 

m E HEARD 
WHY CAN'T WE ALL BE 
LIKE THIS WISE OLD BIRD? 


AN OWL 


MORE 


Tn other words, I'm supposed to keep 
my mouth shut or I'll get my head hand- 
ed to me. At the end of the bar, I get my 
first wranglers, live of them, real vintage 
types; each of them looks as though he’ 
been chewed in a giant mouth for a while 
and then spit out. The worst and most 
chewed-up one is named Earl 


Fach time Earl misses a shot, he 
picks up a d nd asks the bartender, 
"Can I hit him with 0 He mi 
another shot, picks up a spittoon 
says, "Can I hit him with this?” And so 
on, with giant ashtrays, pool cues, beer 
bottles. 

Very good-natured stuff, and the bar 
tender tells me, "Don't pay them no 
mind.” Everyone kids the one 
about the way he lost his car. A girl 


fellow. 


Snt ere about the Papago wife who's 
left him. "I got all the pussy I wanted off 
that girl.” 

“Well, she hid plenty more from you,” 
says Earl “because 1 happen to know 
shes out there right now, passing it 
around at the trailer camp. 

Big laugh from everyone. and then the 
man who lost his wile slumps over the bar 
and says, “Oh, hell, T can't drink, I can't 
shoot pool and I can’t get a hard-on. 
‘The bartender rubs it in a bit, telling him 
he's so dumb he'd lend a man his horse so 
he could steal his car. 

"There's an awareness that I'm at the 
bar—let’s not kid ourselves, with my 
beard and my California-casual outfit, T 
don't exactly fade imo the wallpaper at 
the Owl Buffet. I decide to shoot some 
dice and take a try at old Earl. 

“Those movie people ever come in 
here?’ 

He fixes me through 
that probably kills 


n eye slit—a look 
attle swiftly and pain- 
lessly—and after a long pause, not exactly 
a Pinter pause but more of a deadly South- 
west wrangler pause, says: “No comment 

“Fine,” 1 say, and then 1 decide to run 
right up the middle on him, none of this 
end-around stuff. After all, what's the 
worst thing that can happen? My Blue 
Gross is paid up and there's probably a 
halfway-decent doctor around. Maybe 
not in Gila Bend, but somewhere in the 
area, working with the Indians. 

“ГИ bet you've been waiting to say that 
all your life.” 

Second pause, much worse this time, 
and I feel an involuntary muscle start to 
go in my left arm, probably nota heart at- 
tack but definitely not a sign of physical 
fitness. Suddenly, Earl laughs, or gullaws, 
1 suppose, wraps a bear's arm around me, 
says I'm all right and buys me a drink. I'd 
guessed right. There's а TV set in the 
Owl Bullet—thars the local pitcher 
show—and I'd imagined Earl watching 
the parade of celebs on the seven-o'clock 
news, cach of them saying “No comme 
I've always wanted to say “No comment,” 
so I figured Earl did, too. The problem 
to get rid of him. I've got a friend 
Tor life. He tells me that during the in 
quest, a woman resembling Sarah Miles 
came into the Owl one night wearing a 
blonde fall and escorted by a fellow Earl 
saw later on television. The fellow placed 
a call on Sarah's behalf to New York, 


using a credit card, but when the cll 
came through, Sarah, or the woman re- 
sembling her, ran and hid behind the 
jukebox. 

Then both Earl and the bartender go 
to work on Reynolds. He's а man, just 
like they are, puts his pants on one leg at 
а time. The next day, the police chief is 
going to tell me the same thing. That 
Reynolds puts his pants on one leg 
ata time, All the men in Gila Bend stand 
as one i that Burt 


behind this theory: 
jnolds puts his pants on the same w 
y do. What makes them so sure? He 
could really cross them up if he thought 
of another way of getting his pants on. 
And the women in Gila Bend would love 
ch. As for Sarah, the bartender says 
she was good-looking but nothing to raise 
the flag about. 

“You sce, I'm different, 
ntior 


he says. “If T 
se the fag, I got a little woman 


sittin’ back home who'll raise the flag and. 
the whole damned flagpole!” Earl and the 


"m the 
ded 


bartender lean in close now— 
new buddy and I'm going to get h 
a blockbuster. 

“Don't say you got it from here,” 
the bartender, “but just between you, me, 
Earl and the fence post, the whole thing 
don't smell right. It don't feel right. And 
that’s the way most people around here 
figure.” I promise not to let the cat out of 
the bag, and then I leave. Earl follows me 
out to the car. He wants to hang around 
with me. I'm not looking for new friends, 
but I can't tell him that. I say I'd like to, 
but І have to “mosey around some.” He 
understands that and we say goodbye. 

Southern-police-chicf timc: Big. Beefy. 
Heavy hands. Weighs in at 230. Ice-cold 
eyes. Got the right name, too: Tom Cro: 
well. Except that he's not Southern. He's 
from Illinois; they'll do it every time. We 
make some hard eye contact. Something 
like arm wrestling, except that I've gotten 
good at the eye thing. 1 пу to think of 
someone who can stare me down. Maybe 
Chou Enlai, but that’s about it. Has 
something to do with losing your father. 
Alter that, you can return anyone's stare. 
We go at it awhile, chatting casually. as 
though there's no duel going on. He's 
proud of a daughter who broke 100 words 
a minute in 
coup before the Reynolds-Miles case? Ar- 
rested the same man twice for two sepa- 
rate homicides, Fellow killed his brother 
in Ajo, then killed another man in Gila 
Bend. “Maybe he's not finished.” I say, 
but the chief doesn't think that's funny. 

The eye battle ends in a draw and the 
chief takes a deep breath. “The case,” he 
officially closed.” But the “official- 
ОВЕ е 
leuers from all over the country. And 
they hurt. "How much did those Holly- 
wood bums pay you to close the case: 
"Ehe letters really sting. 

"Hell," he says, “I didn't haul ass out of 
here, the MGM people He switches 
the subject around to how industrious the 


уз 


TAKE A WALLBANGER 
WHERE YOU NEVER 
TOOK A WALLBANGER 
BEFORE. 


Until now, if you wanted a good wallbanger, you had to go 
where the wallbangers were. A bar. A restaurant. Or maybe 
you could invest $15 in the ingredients and iy to make them 
at home. 

Now Club” introduces 
the wallbanger in the can. 

It's V2 pint of the best 
wallbanger you ever tasted, 
and your total investment is 
only about 99€. 

But best of all, you don't 
have to hang around indoors 
to enjoy it. Because a Club 
Wallbanger can go where all 
others fear to tread. 

The Club Wallbanger. 
The only wallbanger that can 
go wherever you go. 


| CLUBS. ANYTIME, ANY PLACE, ANY REASON. 


The Cub* Cocktails, 25-48 Ргсо ©1973 The Club Distilling Co, Hanford, Ct, Merlo Pe, Cal. 


169 


PLAYBOY 


170 


“To put it bluntly, Miss Capworth, there are certain assignments with the Central 
Intelligence Agency where intelligence is not the primary requisite." 


British reporters are—and I tell him, 
finc, but has he сусг actually looked at 
the British tabloids? They make ours 
look like The Christian Science Monitor. 
He doesn’t really want to talk about the 
press, although, obviously, all that atten- 
tion from people all over the world had 
to affect him a bit. Mostly, though, he 
seems to feel he's been made a fool of. It 
really hurts. Hurts his stomach. “If only 
they'd stuck around an extra twenty-four 
hours,” he says, "we'd have had a proper 
investigation, and maybe we'd have found 
exactly what the inquest found. An O.D. 
But every time I tried to talk to someone, 
there wasan attorney standing in front of 
him.” What would it take to reopen the 
case? Some hard evidence. Getting the 
coroners and pharmacologists together. 
One of the drugs in question was Man- 
drax. Shouldn't someone go to England, 
where the drug is manufactured, and ask 
the people there what the tolerance level 
is? There are just too many unanswered 
questions. Too much blood. Questions 
about keys. And mostly about time. Time 
is driving the chief bughouse. No one 
seems to have gotten the time straight 
and the chief runs through the case a 
hundred times, trying to break through 
on the time sequence. And the brui 
All over David's body. Markings on his 
chest, pelvis, hands, bruised Knuckles, 
jawbone, the star-shaped. or stellate, 
wound. .. . And how about the way he 
was found, crumpled up in the dressing 
room? Think about it, When people 
O.D., how do they go about it? Marilyn 
Monroe, etc. They pop the pills in bed. 
Or they slump over in the driver's seat of 
а car. Whar's this dressingroom stuff? 
Ever heard of a guy O.D.ing in a dress- 
ing room before? 1 tell the chicf there's 
nothing more attractive than seeing a 
well-trained criminologist, customs man, 
homicide dick go to work with real pre- 
cision. Spurred on, he says, “I may look 
dumb, but .. .," a line that comes to us 
courtcsy of TV, then proceeds to lecture 
me with that precisi Em talking 
about—on the subject of rigor mortis, 
how you'd have to break the aim and 
crack off the fingers of a dead man if you 
wanted to get something out of his hand, 
and he was in a certain stage of rigor. 
But all of this thinking is unothcial. The 
case is closed. Crimes are solved by man- 
power, man hours. He's got eight men on 
his staff and he's from Gila Bend. He's 
lucky if the L.A. police take his phone 
calls. "I just wish," he says, “I could take 
a year's sabbatical and go off on my own 
on this one. You bet your ass I'd come 
back with some answers.” 

1 get the impression he doesn't think 
the answer lies in the arca of the rumors 
that are floating around New York and 
California, that. Reynolds took the kid 
out. I also get the impression he doesn't 
feel the story that came out at the inquest 
right on target, either. The real 
McCoy was somewhere in between, and if 


the story were told, it probably wouldn't 
result in any new actions or arrests. Dep- 
uty County Attorney Douglas Peacock, 
who did some of the questioning at the 
inquest, seemed to feel the same way: "I 
wish somebody would have said what 
happened. It probably wouldn't have 
changed anything. It probably all was 
justifiable. But... ." Did he mean that 
someone probably struck David before he 
died? he was asked. “Right,” he said. To 
use the current phrase, this is where the 
chief's head seems to be at—and there is 
all this pressure building up inside him. 
Its going to drive him up the wall. 
Before I leave, I begin to get the first 
fuzzy image of what David Whiting’s 
mother is like. The chief is obviously 
down on Reynolds for mouthing off at 
the local justice of the peace in front of 
the national press; he has generally good 
feelings about the movie people who 
passed through, and MGM in particular. 
This is not a case of a small-town yokel 
pissed off at highfalutin showbiz types. 
On the contrary, he's a rather sophisti- 
cated man. He gets paternal about the 
dead boy, referring to him on a first-name 
But the one he has a grudging ad- 
miration for is Mrs. Campbell, David's 
mother. "I've got to give the old girl cred- 
it,” he says. "She came in here with her 
guns high and firing, determined to get 
some answers. [Attention, staff of Psycho- 
analylic Review: Robert Bolt, recording 
his first mecting with Sarah Miles: “She 
came into the party like a ship in full sail 
with all guns firing."] She poor-mouthed 
a lot, said she had no funds, but she shook 
the place up. ‘That was her son, and 
aned if she wasn't going to find out 
what happened to him.” 
The police chief and David's mom have 
their differences, mostly disputes over 
David's belongings—his clothing 


in the middle, unable to relinqu 
vid's belongings without a court order. At 
one point, the old girl locks herself in 
the chiefs office, shutting out the depu- 
tics—so she can call her lawyer. Every- 
thing she does, this "tiny, wrenlike 
woman, throws the chicf off his game; 
but in spite of the hassle, he comes up 
with unconcealed admiration for her. In 
one instance, she points at Cromwell's 
briefcase and asks: “Is that your brief- 
case or my son David's?” I'm beginning 
to get a little feeling of her style. The 
more I hear about her, the more she re- 
minds me of someone I knew. 

Later in the day, I read some notes 
taken by Irene Guilbert, a local st 
for The Arizona Republic. They tell 
of her first impressions of the “subdue 
mouselike little lady' hg 
Bend: "She had been in [Ch 
well's] office but minutes when voices 
began rising, Cromwell's as well as 
Mrs. Campbell's. Soon Chief Cromwell 
strode out, red-faced, saying, 1 can't deal 


arriv 


with her. Forey [a deputy], get the hell in 
there!’ As the reluctant Forey obeyed, 
Cromwell said to me, ‘He used to be а 
minister; he can handle her’ Evidently, it 
worked, because voices quieted. Cron 
well entered again, voices 
Cromwell, angry, with Mrs. 
dashing around in his wake, shrieking, ‘Is 
power so important to you that you can 
treat the mother of а poor dead lad like 
this? The argument was over David's 
possessions. Mrs. Campbell wanted them 
immediately—Cromwell said they were 
pounded, . . . The police were left very 
shaken, because . .. they had expected to 
be solicitous and comforting to a gricl- 
suicken mother and had not expected 
this." 


1 spend the rest of my time in Gila 
Bend picking my way through rumors the 
way you might step through a mine field. 
‘They're all over the place. The towns- 
people insist the whole affair meant noth- 
ing to them, tha 1 to just go 
about their busine: 
puts his pants on, etc. But everyone a 
little rumor to toss in, a theory. Several 
question Sarah's bruises. “The bruises 


t after a while it looked as though 
Sarah Miles was the one who was dead 
ad David was alive.” Even little Thom- 
year-old son, gets into 
"sa story that his 29-year- 
old nanny was heard saying: “The reason 
Thomas is acting so precocious is that he 
was the one who broke in and found 
David dead.” There's plenty more where 
these came from—but by this time, all I 
really care about is David and his mother. 
I've phased out my Hollywood stage of 
the story and I'm working on the mother- 
andson legend. They wouldn't let Da- 
vid's mother speak at the inquest, but she 
insisted and finally got a list of testimon 
als read into the record: Time magazine's 
John Steele (David was a staff member 
Tor three years) found him “one of the 
brightest young men with whom I have 
come into contact .. . a young man of 
high character and honesty." A film pro- 
ducer, Warren Kiefer, had this to say: 
“He was one of the very few men I have 
ever known intimately who demonstrated 
from the very first day 1 met him in 
London . . . courage. ... He became, for 
both me and my wife, in his short life, a 
Standard of what in fact an exceptional 
young man can and should be.” So where 
does Sarah Miles come off calling Mrs. 
Campbell “half-mad"? 


son 

Come to think of it. Mom's really got it 
in for Sarah. Her final words to the in- 
quest jury: “We believe that Sarah Miles 
will find in her own conscience the best 
rebuttal of her allegations about my son. 
Somewhere along the line, I get my 
hands on D: last letter to his mom. 
Its dated ] id is written 
from London. Here's some of it: “All 
gocs well here. My skiing trip was very 
successful. I have bought some splendid 


17i 


PLAYBOY 


172 


new cameras. I am just finishing the first 
draft of a screenplay. I have bought the 
film rights of a book called The Mis- 
tress, by Andrew McCall, and, generally, 
things are going very well here, d 
Options . . . scrcenplays . - 
. .. David's mother would lı 
these sound like the ravings of a "half- 
mad" young man. I poke around some 
more, following Mrs. Campbell's t 
bit. A waitress at Mrs. Wri 
Room remembers her storming into the 
restaurant and saying, “I hear you have 
some god-awful barbecued food here and 
that all of your fish is frozen, too.” But 
the girl recalls this with affection, She's 
one of those women who can get 
with this kind of th 
make you love it. 

T had that kind of mother. She used to 
walk over to a baby carriage, look inside 
and tell the proud mother, “What an ugly 
child.” I dont know how she did it, 
but she made the mother love it. The 
mother knew that, in some weird way, 
ugly meant beautiful. It's a tough one to 


pull off, but my mother had that knack. 
So, apparently, does David's mother. At 
least in the legend I'm creat 
Ferrante, of Western Auto Associ: 
who drove David's mother back 
to the inquest from the Westward Motel 
in Buckeye, didn't see any of this edge to 
the woman. But he was with her all the 
vay. He found her motherly, pol 
5 M to like people 
like her, especially middle-class people 
like us. You see, we get into battles and. 
Jose them. A woman like her just keeps on 
coming.” Ferrante has а boy, 15, and an 
eight-year-old If one of them 
were to die, tragically, like David, would 
he wade in? "You bet your life. With ev- 
crything I had. Bat the thing is, I'd prob- 
ably have to drop out at some point. 
Thats the thing about Mrs. Campbell. 
She'll never drop ou 

Late at night, back at the Trave- 
Lodge, | stand in my room, the Burt 
Reynolds room, and it really gets to me. A 
Kid is dead. A wri just getting 
off the ground. (Го his credit, Reynolds 


"Where is this wench who claims to 
turn straw into gold?” 


points this out on the courtroom steps, 
right after he's taken a rap at the local 
“plumber.” “Let's not forget," he says, “а 
boy is dead.") And his mother is not ta 
ing no for an answer. She plans to keep 
on coming. And brother, do I know that 
d of mother. We all had them, all 35 of 
my friends in the Bronx, 34 of whom be- 
came dentists and doctors. And me. We all 
had John Wayne for a mother. The fa- 
thers were invisible, so the mothers took 
over, but at least there was one John 
Wayne in the 
skirts. We paid a 


there was a kid whose father was in the 
ickets, a “bad Jew,” but I notice those 
guys didn’t turn out so terrifically, either. 
Whatever the case, David is dead, but at 
least he's got a john Wayne mother on 
the case. Taking on coroners and police 
chiefs and lawyersand movie studios. With 
tention of quitting. The way those 
tough Bronx mothers wouldn't have quit. 
The way my mother would have hung 
there. Even in Arizona. In the Andaman 
Islands, if thats where the trail led her. 
Forget about why these mothers hang in 
there. The textbooks might hint there’s a 
little guilt in the picture. Maybe they 
didn't do too hot a job on the kid when 
he was alive. Not important. Маз, Camp- 
bell is going to keep on coming. David is 
out of private day schools and St. Albans 
nd London and his moth- 

now lives and works in Berkeley and 
married to a former official im the 
istration, Neither David 
nor his mother ever set loot in the Bronx, 
but put all that aside for the moment. 
She's some kind of Bronx Jewish Joh 
Wayne mom, at least in the story Im 
making up. Standing in the Burt Reyn- 
olds room, I start to focus on David and 
Im tempted to check out his last room, 
but I don't do it. What’s that going to 
accomplish? АП these goddamned rooms 
are the same, any 
Driving up to L.A. through the desert, 

I start to see David as some kind of toi 
tured Seymour Glass type, pill popping, 
sporadically brilliant, unable to cope. His 
colleagues in the Luce group r 
him as being “flaky—a starsst 
hol 
a lust for the life of the 
Beautiful People.” Well, that’s not quite 
Seymour Glass, but I make an adjust- 
ment; I force it to work. Quirky, brillia 
erratic—all of it snuffed out just as he's 
starting to cook. The trouble is, as they 
at Watergate, it just won't wash. For 
example, when 1 get to L.A. (I miss G: 
dice Bergen—one of David's crushes—by 
ten minutes: she’s off to China, and I 
don't know the Zip Code), 1 take another 
look at David's last letter to his mom. 
ph I missed the first time 
yhat I need is roughly six pairs 


of boxer shorts. I find the English variety 
abominably badly cut. They should be 
for a 33” waist; thus the size should be 
either 32%-34” or more likely simply 54”. 
Plaids, stripes and other bright colors 
would be appreciated, and I suggest you 
unwrap them, launder them once and 
then airmail them to me in a package 
marked ‘personal belongings.” . . . There 
are various kinds of boxer shorts, but it is 
the most standard normal cut which T 


kind of sad, in a way, but 
little hard to work with. “Abomi 
badly cut” boxer shorts. He's got to have 
the most standard normal cut. Where's 
the quirky brilliance? Where's the failed 
gen at happened to Seymour 
Glass? This guy is into boxer shorts. And 
they have to have the right cut or he's not 
going for them. That's what happens 
when you fool around with legends. They 
have a way of backfiring on you. I even 
swing with the bo 
figure ГИ give him the boxer sh 
then I get my hands on some of 
vine stuff. I try an ar 
and Paula: Two Real Fun Kids.” Right 
off, he’s got Dick Benjamin and Paula 
Prentiss “bounding into the living room 
of their Manhattan apartment like frisky 
elk. Dick with his hand-in-the-cookie-jar 
grin and Paula with breasts squirming 
like live puppies beneath her jersev top.” 
Now I'm in big trouble. Its going to 


be hard to work with those live-puppy 
breasts. All right, the kid was 25 when he 
knocked off the piece, but you just don't 
do live-puppy breasts. Even if you're just 
getting off the ground. You take live- 
puppy breasts out, even if it hurts. And 
particularly if you want to be Seymour 
Glass. 1 have to remind myself that he 
doesn't want to be Seymour Glass. т the 
one whos making this all up. And his 
magazine work, give or take a live puppy- 
breast allusion or two, is readable, Com- 
petent; slick. Not that easy to pull off 
Try keeping someone glued to the page 
with 6000 words on a starlet and you'll 
get the idea. But there's no way I'm going 
to get Seymour Glass out of him. And the 
deeper in 1 go, the more trouble I'm in. I 
round up one of the female stars of whom 
he was temporarily enamored, and all she 
can remember is that he was "swe: 

For a while, I was working with a 
young Robert Ryan or Hurd Hatfield 
vision of David (I'd come off Seymour 
Glass), and she hands me “Mike Nichols 
with 2 paunch." If you had to do him in 
the films, which actor would you pick for 
she says. “Kind 
P Art Garfunkel.” I can't deal 
with this and I decide to quit while I'm 
behind. Not fool around anymore. I for- 
get all about Seymour Glass and li 
pic and WASP Art Carfunkcls 
decide to go back to my original made-up 
(but possibly truer than the real thing, 


the way the Italian spaghetti Westerns 
often achieve an epic form that's more ac- 
curate than the American realistic films) 
version of the story, the one I like about 
the gray-haired little old lady sailing into 
a strange Arizona town, guns firing, load- 
ed for bear, absolutely determined to find 
out what happened to her son, her mas- 
terpiece, and nobody better stand in the 
way. I'm not sure what happened to 
David Whiting that night (carly mon 
i n Gila Bend, and that troubled 
police chief isn't, either. As David's writ- 
ergirlfriend put it: "Every one of those 
thousand jour: s who covered Gila 
Bend has a little piece of the truth. If you 
could put all those pieces together, you'd 
have the answer." More important, if I 
were on the stand in Maricopa County 
and I had told even a litle fib, I wouldn't 
be sleeping very easy—not with my leg- 
endary mother on the case. Noc with this 
woman who obviously plans to keep on 
coming. 

So I'm going to stick with my mother- 
and-son legend for a while. I don't know 
how it squares with the facts, but it would 
make a terrific film. You'd need someone 
er, to tackle 
of it, a 
David Whiting would be perfect. Got all 
the stulf and he'd probably work cheap. 
Except that... well... 


The great impostor. 


It is nota cigarette. 


Noris it everybody's idea of a cigar. 


It's an A&C Little Cigar. Slim, filter-tipped 
and devilishly smooth tasting. 


It tastes great because it's made with a 


special blend that includes imported cigar 
tobaccos. Cured for mildness and flavor. 
And it looks great! 


Naturally, itall adds up to 


Regular or Menthol. 


There are twenty A&C Little Cigars in 
the elegant crush-proof pack. 


173 


174 


T 


JAMES THOMPSON mr. district attorney 


SLOUCHED IN THE CHAR of his lare, glasswalled Chicago 
office, U.S. District Attorney James Thompson talks on the 
phone, telling a reporter that it’s much too early for him to 
think about running for mayor. After the call, he tums to a 
visitor and says, “Guessing who's going to succeed Daley is 
the favorite pastime of pol reporters here, If they get 
someone who looks fway-decent candidate and he 
doesn't deny his interest, that just fans the flames to a white 
heat in this town.” Certainly, Thompson is more than halfway 
decent. After his appointment in 1971, he launched a massive 
attack on political corruption in the mother-lode city of such 
connivings—prosecuting Cook County Clerk Edward Barrett, 
numerous aldermen and, in his most significant conviction to 
date, former governor Otto Kerner, whose reputation had 
been that of a clean—if stillly starched—public official. Since 
then, "Big Jim” (he's 68" and weighs 230 pounds) has been 
almost daily news, which he doesn't mind at all. At a confer- 
ence of U.S. attorneys, he and a colleague held a tongue-in- 
check impromptu seminar, telling fellow Federal prosecutors, 
“TV-news people love visuals. If you can show them a bag 
of heroin or a confiscated arsenal of rifles, you'll get 30 seconds 
on the air any time." He was joking, but there's no denying 
that he knows how to get coverage, and that ability, together 
with his sincere outrage at official malfeasance, has made him 
the most important, and feared, Republican in town. It's also 
prompted speculation about his future, although he recently 
dedined an offer to head N ics-enforcement 
"I want to stay in Chicago,” "hompson. 
y looking for a town house on the стуу N 


adds, “It would be perfect for me: a big, stately place with 
coach house in back, where the mayoral cabinet could mee 


WAYLON JENNINGS best by a country mile 


tr ne HADN'T given up his charter-flight seat to a friend back 
February 1959, the world might have known Waylon Jen- 
nings only as an accident statistic. The flight ended in a crash 
outside Mason City, Iowa, killing all aboard, including Buddy 
Holly, Richie Valens and J. P. “Big Bopper” Richardson, the 
guy to whom Waylon—who was then vocalist and bass side- 
man with Holly's group, The Grickets—gave his seat. Instead, 
columnists аге now speculating that Jennings could make it as 
“the performer of 1973," and fellow artist Kris Kristofferson 
has called him, simply, “the best country singer in the world.” 
But it’s been a slow climb for Jennings, who's been singing for 
his supper for nearly 25 of his 36 years. He was pretty broken 
up by the airplane tragedy: “I just kinda quit for quite a little 
while,” he drawls. He went back to Lubbock, and later to 
Phoenix, to work as a disc jockey occupation he had taken 
upat the age of I2 for radio station KVOW in his native Little- 
field. Texas, a place he describes as "out in the suburbs of a 
cotton patch." The local station manager recruited Jennings 
after hearing him sing at a box supper. "I was so scared I like 
to died. I learned two songs—and then went and sang one of 
them clear through to the tune of the other.” By the early Si 
more seasoned Jennings was ready to form his own 
Since 1965, Jennings—who now lives 

ars, singer-composer 
Jesi Colter—has been recording for RCA, with some 20 al- 
bums to his credit. He thinks the last two, Lonesome, On'ry 
and Mean and Honky Tonk Heroes, which he's produced 
himself, will make the difference. “Everybody had ideas of 
how I should sound instead of how I did sound,” he says. 
“Now I'm just going to go ahead and do my own thing. It's 
not the instrument or the arrangement that makes country 
music; its the soul and the performance. Otherwise, Dean 
Martin could be the biggest country singer in the world.” 


group, 
outside Nashville with his wife of fou 


ILL KREMENTZ. 


RICHARD R, HEWETT 


JOHN LEONARD changing “ 


“I ALWAYS WANTED to be the Great American Novelist,” muses 
John Leonard. “After three novels, it was clear 1 wasn't goi 
it" Instead, as editor of The New York Times Book 

Review, Leon probably the most powerful man in Ame: 
can book publishing—not a bad consolation prize. And a lucky 
break for literary bulls. Controversial, argumentative, often 
feisty, Leonard's new Review has shaken the mildew out of lit- 
тагу criticism, a shopping guide," he 
says. “We'll Ia ns, publish career essays, inter- 
view everybody in sight, even. occasionally. decla Un- 
conventional is the best word for the Review and its 34-year-old 
editor, whose career is a zigzag of left to right and East to West. 
After flunking out of Harvard in 1958, he was discovered by 
William F. Buckley, Jr. who put him to work on the conserva- 
tive National Review. “I Iways vaguely liberal" Leonard 
recalls. “Buckley helped radicalize me." He moved on to Berke- 
ley, where he was director of drama and books for San Francis- 
FM station, KPFA. After a first novel, The Naked. 
Martini, Leonard moved East again, this time to work with п 
grant apple pickers in New Hampshire. In 1967, The New 
York Times hired him first as book previewer, then as critic— 
and he found his métier, Witty, urbane, scathingly precise, 
his reviews have run the topical gamut from Nabokov to The 
Parwidge Family. On Hubert Humphrey: "One doubts that 
Humphrey could inspire bacilli to connive at anthrax.” Oa 
Jean Genet: “The only thing more ng than a novel by 
is a cri “Merv 
always comes on like Charlie Brown in a rep tie." Chiefly an 
editor now, Leonard still finds time to write—surprise!—the 
ubiquitous “Cyclops” column formerly in Life and Newsweek, 
now in the Sunday Times. "Editing a magazine,” he says, “has 
none of the grosser ego satisfactions of a regular column: 
but there are subtle pleasures attached to it.” We've noticed. 


“times” 


re war. 


175 


PLAYBOY 


176 


Burr (continued from page 146) 


‘ould not be in any condition to succeed 
in our interview on July Ilh. Fortu- 


Bradhurst thdrew from the field of 
honor, leaving me unscratched. 

On the evening of July fourth, I at- 
tended the celebration of the Society of 
the Cincinnati at Fi ' Ta 

Hamilton was most poised. In fact, I 
have scldom seen him so charming. "I 
must congratulate you on a successful in- 
terview,” he murmured as we bowed to 
each other in the taproom. 

“I hope your friend Mr. Bradhurst 
make a swift recovery.” I turned aw: 

Despite Hamilton's notorious 

gance and shortness with those whose 
minds worked less swiftly than his ow 
he had the gift of enchanting others when 
he chose. Suspecting that this might well 
be his last public appearance, he meant 
for all the world to remember him as he 
was that night, still handsome despite the 
fleshiness of too much good living, still 
able to delight with subtle flattery those 
older than himself, to dazzle with his bril- 
liance those younger. 
As we sat at table in the long room—a 
group of middle-aged men who shared 
nothing but the fact that we had all been 
ar the same time and had fought as 
s in the Revolution—l, too, had 
the sense that this might be my last ap- 
pearance upon the republic’s brightest 
stage. There was a good chance that I 
would be killed. There was an even ber 
ter chance that Ha would be 
lled. But whatever happened, nothing 
would ever be the same again in а week’ 
time. 

1 felt curiously detached as I sat in the 

place of honor (despite my recent elec- 
toral defeat, І was still Vice-President of 
the United States); saw myself as from a 
great distance already a carnival м 
works and no longer real. 
Others have written that I was moody 
nd distant that night. Obviously, I was 
not in full command of myself. But then 
the ultimate encounter was at hand. The 
man who had set himself the task of rui 
ing me during "15 years competition” 
was now about to complete his work, and 
I must ve known in some instinctive 
way that he would again suceced, no mat- 
ter what happened on the Weel 
ighis. 

І was genuinely moved when at the 
company's request General Hamilton got 
his fine tenor voice sing The 
Drum. a song that no veteran of the Rev- 
olution can listen to without sorrow for 
his lost youth and the dead he loved. 

Needless to say, 1 did not realize with 
what cunning Hamilton had prepared his 
departure from this world, and my ruin. 

Charles Schuylers account, continued 
183 

Today the colonel was in а most curi- 


ton. 


ous and excited mood. “If it amuses you, 
Charley, we shall go to the Heights of 
Weehawk and I shall act out for you the 
duel of the century, when the infamous 
Burr slew the noble Hamilton, from be- 
hind a thistle—obviously a disparaging 
allusion to my small stature, Yet Hamil- 
ton was less Шар an inch taller than І, 
now he looms a giant of legend, 
with a statue to his divinity in the Me 
chants’ Exchange, his temple. While for 
me no statue, no laurel, only thistle! 

1 was delighted and somewhat embar- 
rassed. Burr almost never speaks of the 
duel; and most people, unlike Leggett, 
are much too nervous of the subject ever 
10 bring it up in his presence, even 
though it is the one thing everyone in the 
world knows about Aaron Burr, and the 
one thing it is impossible лог to think of 
upon first meeting him. 

“He killed General Hamilton," my 
mother whispered to me when the ele- 
gant litle old man first came into our 
Greenwich Village tavern, alter his re- 
turn from Europe. “Take a good look at 
him. He was a famous man once.” 

As I grew older, I realized that my fami- 
ly admired Bury more than not and that 
my mother was pleased when he took a 
fancy to me, and gave me books to read, 
ged me to attend Columbia 
College and take up the law. But my first 
glimpse of him at a table close to the 
pump-room fire was of the Devil himself, 
and I ball expected him to leave not by 
door but up the chimney with 


and encou 


the flames. 
We walked to Middle Pier at the end of 
Duane Street. “I've ordered my young 


to stand һу.” 

The colonel's eyes were bright at the 
prospect of such an unusual adventure— 
into past time rather than into that airy 
potential future time where he is most 
at home. 

"It was a hot day like this—30 years and 
one month ago. Yet I remember being 
most unseasonably cold. In fact, I or- 
dered a fire the night of the tenth and. 
slept in my clothes on a sofa in the study. 
Slept very well, I might add. A detail to 
be added to your heroic portrait of me.” 
An amused glance in my direction. 
Around dawn, John Swartwout came to 
ke me up. I was then joined by Van 
and Matt Davis. We embarked from 
Richmond Hill." 

The till young boatman was waiting 
Jor us at the deserted slip. The sun was 
fierce. We were the only people on the 
rf: The whole town had gone away 
for August. 

We got into the boat and the young 
man began to row with slow, regular 
strokes upriver to the high green Jersey 
shore opposite. 

“On just such a morning. . . ." He 
hummed to himself softly. Then: “My af- 
n order. 1 had set out six blue 


boxes, containing enough material for my 
biography, if anyone was so minded to 
write such a thing. Those boxes now rest 
at the bottom of the sea.” He was blithe 
even at this allusion to beloved. 
daughter: trailed his finger in the river; 
squinted at the sun. "What, I wonder, do 
the fishes make of my history?" 

I tried to imagine him 30 years ago, 
with glossy dark hair, an unlined face, a 
steady hand—the Vice-President on an 
errand of honor. But I could not associate 
this tiny old man with that figure of 
legend. 

"Love leuers to me were all discreetly 
filed, with instructions to be burned, to 
be returned to owners, to be read at my 
grave—whatever was fitting. My princi 
pal emotion that morning was relief. 
erything was arranged. Everything was 
well finished, 

“Did you think you might be killed?" 

The colonel shook his head. "When 1 
woke up on the sofa, saw dawn, I knew 
that I would live to see the sun set, that 
Hamilton would not.” A sudden frown as 
he turned out of the bright sun: the face 
went into shadow. “You see, Hamilton 
deserved to die and at my hands. 

I then asked the question I had wanted 
to ask since yesterday, but Burr only 
shook his head. "I have no intention of 
repeating, ever, what it was that Ha 
ton said of me." 

In silence, we watched the steamboat 
from Albany make its way down the cen- 
ter channel of the river. On the decks, 
women in bright summer finery twirled 
parasols; over the water, their voices 


the 


echoed the gulls that followed in the 


ship's wake, waiting for food. 
Apparently the Wechawk Heights 
ook just the same now as they did 
then.” The colonel skipped easily onto 
the rocky shore. While 1 helped our sailor 
drag his boat onto the beach, the colonel 
alked briskly up a narrow footpath to a 
wooded ledge. 

Ideal for its purpose," Burr said when 
1 joined him. 

The ledge is about six feet wide and 
perhaps 30 or 40 feet long, with a steep 
cliff above and below it. At either er 
green tangle of bri 
view of the river 

The colonel indicates the spires of New 
York City visible through the green fo- 


h partly screens the 


tices, too, and laughs. "From habit. When 
duelists came here, they were always very 
quiet for fear they'd wake an old man 
who lived in a hut nearby. He was called 
the captain and he hated dueling, If he 
heard you, he would rush onto the scene 
and thrust himself between the duclists 
and refuse to budge. Often to everyone's 
great relief. 

Burr crosses to the marble obelisk at the 
center of the ledge. “I have not seen this 
before.” The monument is dedicated to 


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PLAYBOY 


appealing to our prurient interests." 


the memory of Alexander Hamilton 


Parts have been chipped away, while the 
r 


is scribbled over with love 
The colonel makes no comment. 
Then he crosses slowly to a large 
© tree, pushing aside weeds, kicking 
pebbles from his path. At the base of the 
tree, he stops and takes off his black jack- 
down at the river. I grow un- 
inot think why. I tell myself that 
re no ghosts. 

When Burr finally speaks, his voice is 
matter of fact. “Just before seven o'clock. 
Hamilton and his second, Pendleton, and 
the good Dr. Hoyack—Hamilton was al- 
ways fearful for his healh—arrive. Just 
down there.” Burr points. 1 look, half 
pecting to see the dead disemba 
there is only river below us. 

“Pendleton carries an 
does Van Ness. Which looks most pei 
" morning, but the umbrel 
»ur f We are now 
the law. 


names 


are to disgui: 
about to brea 


Burr leaves his post at the cedar tree, 
walks to the end of the ledge. "Now Gen- 
Hamilton arrives there, with his 


second." 

For an instant I almost see the rust- 
colored hair of Hamilton, shining in 
summer sun. I have the sense of being 
apped in someone else's dream, caught 
in a constant circi asing present. 
horrible sensation. 


unc 


Burr bows. “Good morning, Ger 
Mr. Pendleton, good mor 
turns and walks toward me. “Billy 
swear he now thinks me Van Ness. “You 
and Pendleton draw lots to see who has 
ion and who will give the 


choice of posi 
word to fir 

With blind eyes, the colonel indicates 
for me to cross то the upper end of the 
ledge 


‘our principal has won both choices, 
Mr. Pendleton.” A pause. “He wants to 
stand there?” A slight note of surprise in 
Burr's voice. 

I realize suddenly t 


my eyes: through green leaves w: 
fects brightness. 

Burr has now taken up his pos 
full paces opposite me. I think I am going 
10 faint, Burr has the best position. facing 
the heights. I know that I am going to die. 
I want to scream but dare not. 

1 am ready.” The colonel seems to 
hold in his hand x heavy pistol. 
He looks at me, lowers the pistol 
quire your glasses? Of course, General. 1 


al Hamilton satisfied?” Burr 

then "Good, I am ready, too." 
1 stand transfixed with t 

takes aim and shouts, “Present!” 
And I am killed. 


Burr starts 


pls 


з Burr 


or 


me, arms out- 


stretched. 1 feel my legs give way; feel the 
the burning of the bullet in my 
feel myself begin to die. Just in 
Burr stops. He becomes his usual 
d so do 1 

Hamilton fired first. I fired an instant 
's bullet broke a branch 
* Burr indicated the tall 
My bullet pierced his liver and 
spine. He drew himself up on his toes. 
Like this." Burr rose er. "Then 
fell to a halisi n. Pendleton 
propped him up. ‘I am а dead man.’ 
Hamilton said. I started toward him, but 
Van Ness stopped me. Dr. Hosack was 
coming. So we left. 

“But . . . but Т would've stayed and 
gone to you, had it not been for what I 
saw in your face” Again the bli 
Burr's eyes. Again he sees me as Hamil- 
ton. And again I start to die, the bullet 
burns. 

“I saw terror in your face, terror at the 
evil you had done me. And that is why I 
could not go to you or give you any com- 
fort. Why I could do nothing but what I 
did. Aim to kill, and kill. 

Burr sat down at the edge of the mon 
штеп. Rubbed his eyes. The vision—or 
whatever this lunacy was—passed. In a 
quiet voice, he continued with 
me. the world saw fit to believe a differ 
ent story. The night before our meeting, 
Hamilton wrote a letter to posterity. An 
astonishing work reminiscent of а peni- 
tent monk's last confession. He would 
reserve his first fire, he declared, and 
perhaps his sccond, because, morally, he 
disapproved of dueling. Then, of course, 
he fired first. As for his disapproval of 
dueling, he had issued at least three 
challenges—that I know of. But Hamil- 
ton realized better than anyone that the 
world—our American world, at lcast— 
loves a canting hypocr 

Bunt got to his feet. Started toward the 
path. I followed dumbly. 

“Hamilton lived for a day 
He was in character to the very last. He 
told Bishop Moore that he felt no ill will 
oward me. Thar he had met me with a 
fixed resolution to do me no harm. What. 
а contemptible thing to say!" 

Burr started down the path. I staggered 
after him. At the rivers edge, he paused 
ind looked across the slow water toward 
the flowery rise of Staten Island. “I had 
forgot how lovely this place w: 
ever noticed.” 

We got into the boat. “You know, I 
de Hamilton a giant by killing him. If 
he had lived, he would continued 
his dedine. He would have been qu 
forgouen by now. Like me” This was 
said without emotion. “While 0 ht 
have been my monument up there, all 
scribbled over." 

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PLAYBOY 


180 


BUNNIES OF 1973 (continued from page 112) 


fact, rather common among the cotton- it, though," she adds quickly. “I'm 
ta Phoenix Bunny Connie James has — suicily a trail biker. 
earned a purple belt in the kenpo school Another Angeleno, Dyane McMath, 


of karate, and St. Louis Bunny of the — rises at 4:30 Ам. c 
Year Rhetta Penninger lifts weights—as Santa Anita race t 
does fellow cottontail Joan Egenriether, ing workouts; she's I 
a lifeguard for the 
Bunny Monica White teaches yoga classes was a 
at several Miami Beach hotels, including into a race wack near where we li 
the Playboy Plaza, Los Angeles Bunny to be dose to the a 
Barbara Garson, daughter of схтасесаг — cquestrienne, London 
driver Joe Garson, is one of the few wom- lam hz 

en in the country allowed in the pits at prizes with h 
championship-lass events. She's often s ambition is to be a vete 
been a scorer for Dan Gurneys All- Montreal, Bunny Попа Wahl 
American. Racers team, for which Bobby 
Unser is the principal driver. "Havi 


leged children on trips to the 200 


Пап cottontails sta 


work in the pits. That India 
this year, though, I could have done with- 
out, I spent my vac 
in Indy watching it 


's charg 


d. I should 
a motorcycle racer 
for a boyfriend helps, too; bara’ 
customized an offroad machine for her, chased a 
and she won an award in the Tridents gate the South Florida w 
Custom Car and Motorcycle 
Los Angeles Sports Arena. “I don't race 


down the 


“I know back at the start of the season that I said 
I didn’t care what you did on your own time as long as 
you gave me 100 perceni on the playing field . .. however... . 


y so she can get to 
ck in time for morn- 
arning to be a horse 
ast four years. Miami trainer there. “I've loved horses since I 
d," Dyane recalls. “1 used to sneak 
ed, just 
pals.” Another 
Van Boo- 
s won more than 300 jumping 
horse Charley Brown; Gi 
arian. In 
a volun- 
worker, taking underpriv 


ace-car driver fora father helps, she says ball park. Once or twice a year, the 
ge "cleunout- 
ace thecloset days" to provide clothing for 


n from the Club — On Phoenix not-uncommon 110-degree 
‚ Bunny Toby Ostreicher goes inner- 
lt River. Over 
's guy in Miami, Chris Adams recently pu 
18-foot boat, learned to nav 
ters and 
how atthe teaching other Bunnies to waterski. St. 
i Eiscle, a self-con- 


fessed camping freak, makes her own fish- 
g poles from green limbs, tent string 
and beercan pulltabs. Denver Bunny 
Shelia Winkler, an amateur ichthyologist, 
has 13 aquariums in which she breeds hy- 
brid guppies; another Denver cotronta 
Nancee Walsh, is a pilot. Which figu 
Both her parents are, and she and her 
dad once spent three years building an 
acroba nt pla Ту ambition," 


says Nancee frankly, "is to pilot Hugh 
Hefner's jet.” 


There are already cottontails aboard 
the Big Bunny, of course, but they're 
there as hostesses, not cockpit crew. The 
Jet Bunny contingent now numbers 14, 


all stationed Chicago—where they 
n they're not in 
Of late, these high fliers—Anne 


Denson, Playmate-Bunny 
Britt Eld 


icko English, 
thy Jovanovic, May- 
nelle Thomas, Leah Anderson (named 
first runner-up for the Miss Photoflash 
title in Chicago this year), Karen R 
Michele Spietz Joy Tarbell, Sharon 
Gwin, Pam Gazda, Carole Green, Rebec- 
ca Shutter and Sue Hugey—have been 
speeding about the country with Sonny 
and Chér, who've chartered the Playboy 
jet to meet concert commitments. 

And within the past year, several other 
cottontai ve been logging flying 
hours—as traveling representatives for 
Playboy. Los Angeles Bunny of the 
Year Bevy Self, Great Gorge B. O. T. Y. 
Waren Smith, Denver Bunny Judy Bei 
Adanta Bunny Ida Wilson and Chic 
Bunny Leslie Moehrle jetted to Ја 
a publicrelations visit for Playboy 

As Pureiboi Bani Garu—a. rough 
Japanese version of Playboy Bunny 
Girls—they һе nstant celeb 
ppeai 


anese-language publications, 
round the world, six London 
McDonald, Anna 
Gardiner, Rema Nelson, Rebecca Wel- 
Pekoe Li and A 


New York Bunnies Sohelia Maleki 
Jackie Zeman toured Brazil on be 
Playboy Records. 

Even if your head's not in a spin from 
traveling through Bunnydom, you can 
be forgiven for seeing double in three 
of the Playboy Clubs. Twin Bunnies 
Julie Anne and Tomie Winsor work in 
London; in New Orleans, keyholders 
often confuse Sherry Crider with twin 
Merry; and in Adanta, the same problem 
arises with Brenda and Glenda Lott. But 
single or double, the view is fine at any 
Playboy Club, and it’s not 100 soon to 
stop by and start thinking about your 
nomince for Bunny (or ` Bunnies) 
of the Year—1974 


FROM THE PRESIDENT'S COMMISSION ON MARIJUANA AND DRUG ABUSE REPORT, 1972 
MYTH.Marijuana useleadsto heroin. 


FACT.'Marijuana use per se does not dictate whether other drugs will be used 
nor does it determine the rate of progression, if and when it occurs, or which 
drug might be used." 

"Whetherornotmarijuana leads to other drugs depends on the individual, 
on the social and cultural setting in which the drug usetakes place, and onthenature 
ofthedrug market. The fact shouldbe emphasized that the overwhelming majority 
ofusersdonot progress to other drugs.” 


MYTH. Marijuana use causes crime andaggressive behavior. 

FACT.“Insum, the weight of evidenceis that marijuana does not cause violentor 
aggressive behavior; ifanything, marijuana generally serves to inhibit theex- 
pression of such behavior." 


MYTH. Marijuana is addictive. 
FACT."Ina word, cannabis (marijuana) doesnot leadtophysical dependence.” 
MYTH. Marijuana usersaresocietal ‘drop outs.’ 


FACT.“ The most notable statement that can be madeabout the vast majority of 
marijuana users — experimenters and inter mittent users — isthat they are essen- 
tially indistinguishable from their non- -marijuana using peers by any fundamental 
criterion other than their marijuana use.” 

“Young people who choose to experiment with marijuanaare fundamentally 
thesame ae socially and psychologically, as those who use alcohol and tobacco.” 


learly indicates there i: 
‘ylegal reforms. Peopl 
an ation forthe Reform of A i ingout. 
apublieinformation/lobbying effort at the commu Veask yoursupport acontributor, 
and/oran organizer in our: sponsible ma апа laws, Wecannot permita ationto be 
madeoutlaws beeauseofanaehronistieand unjust marijuanalaws. 


Nic report inandofitself, w 
ed, convicted and jailed forsmoking ma 


includes: 
juanala: 
О Love 


0 Anxioustocontri 


ratureand 
rnish me enough n 


lor D5, ‘Cin or L125 people. 


D) Lam interestedin becoming involved ina largescaleefforttoreformmarijuana 
aw: ndmeadditionalinformation formy C] club, O military base, 

D Dheadshop, О. 

D Include ___‘LiberateMarijuana’bumperstickers. Twofor 
sif tion). 

Dinclude sheetsof Liberate Marijuana’stamps.S2a sheet. 
Name E 

Address TER 

City State Zip 


NATIONAL ORGANIZATION FOR THE REFORM OF MARIJUANA LAWS 
1237 22 STREET, NOPRIHWESTIASH INGTON, DC 20032 


NORML Advisory Board: Howard 5. Becker, pi Northweste 
STE The Cathedral Church of 5 h 


D Gladman Memo 

г. PhD New York 

rith, an Raphael, California; Be N: US 
Washington Dt Veil, MD Washington DC; Dorothy V. Whipple, MD Washington, DC; Leon NR MD Johns Hopkins Univers 

inberg, MD Harvard University, Boston, Massachusetts 181 


= 


PLAYBO 


182 


PAD WARMER „спон pase r00) 


dinner party among rolled-up rugs and 
vacant bookshelves seems so wildly out 
of gear fosters a whatthehell spi 
that makes the big platter of browned 
Bratwurst, the foaming beer and the 
shrimp, apple and pistachà 1 twice 
us tempting as they would be if offered in 
a well-ordered dining room with every 
bread-and-buttcr dish and every little 
saltcellar meticulously in place. 

You can turn the great upheaval into 
an evening of relaxed fun simply by tak- 
ng first things first. It's always а wise 
nove to carry in your own car the con- 
tents of both your liquor 
your wine racks, as well as barware, silver- 
ware and valuable glassware. China and 
kitchen equipment, from carving sets 
to Dutch ovens, will arrive with the total 
van load but will be easily found in iden- 
tifiable crates or cartons. 

Setting up the food and drink should 
be as effortless as possible, but don't pin 
all your hopes on too-easy options; 
they're sometimes deceptive. For instance, 
you may decide to turn your party into an 
indoor picnic by arranging for a local 
caterer to supply the goodies. If you ini 
mately know the caterer’s offerings, his 
nctuality, etc., well and good. But if 
you have to begin scouting the neighbor- 


net and 


hood for a new caterer, the time spent in 
preliminary visits, planning and phone 
calls may only lead to the conventional 
deli sandwiches on plastic platters, dull 
salads and last week's cheesecake. 
However, there are some party dishes 
turned out in your own kitchen that 
at first may seem like extended culinary 
nts but which. in fact, arc often fr 
and easy. A boiled-beef platter, for ex- 
ample, is one of the most gemütlich of all 
dishes for a pad-warming party. It takes 
three to four hours’ cooking time. But the 
main job consists of nothing more oner- 
ous than lowering a piece of beef and 
vegetables into a pot of water. While the 
brisket is slowly getting tender, you can 
unpack several wardrobes or fill a wall 
with books. It’s the kind of party dish 
accompanied with garnishes that you can 
expand or keep down, following your 
own cpicurean whims. In France it’s 
called bouilli; when a chicken is added to 
the beel, it’s a pot-awfeu. Hollanders 
sometimes cook salt pork with the beef 
and call it hutspot. The German and Aus- 
trian versions, known asgedämpjtes Rind- 
fleisch, often come to the table looking 
like elaborately groomed productions, but 
almost all of the garnishes outside of 
a fresh horseradish sauce are tart salads— 


“If your wife comes home, do I leave 
or just shove over?” 


проз from Germany — 
able in this country in jars. 


s a simple 


to a specialty cheese shop. 
matter to assemble a tray of French cheeses 


ich as cantal, brie, reblochon and roque- 
fort, delectable with the predinner drinks 
or with the fruit bowl at the dinner's end, 
or borh. A skewered antipasto would sug- 
gest a shop featuring Italian foods: 


no-hassle appetizer made up in minutes 
by jabbing folded slices of Genoa salami, 
prosciutto, artichoke h nd other 


delicacies on a wooden spear. For the best 
large veal Bratwurst, you would go to a 
German part of town or to a shop spe- 
cializing in freshly made Wursts. The 
shrimp, apple and pistachio salad that 
follows is assembled from shrimps freshly 
boiled and shelled, available at any rep- 
utable seafood shop; cooked fresh crab 
lump or cooked fresh lobster from the 
same source could fill the salad bowl ju: 
as sumptuously and as easily. 

A house is not а home unless it’s 
toasted. To insist that the only way to 
warm a new pad is with iced French vin- 
tage champagne is a form of Bacchic 
racial snobbery now gencrally outmoded. 
Obviously, French champagne is in a dif- 
ferent class from American sparkling 
Burgundy. But just as many avin du pays 
is enjoyed not because it's less expensive 
than a prest but 
because its easy drinkability fits in with 
modern informal living, so do the other 
. from German Sekt to sp 
sé, serve perfectly for any pad 
ing. Each sparkling wine within its own 
family is cndowed with its own person- 
Americans who taste ome asti 
spumante and then gencralize about all 
asti spumantes have much to learn about. 
the liveliness, flavor aud relative dryness 
of the charming bubblics from the Pied- 
mont region of Italy. The uncontrolled 
tidal wave of bottled cold duck that has 
flooded the U. S. is a reminder that the 
Original cold duck from Germany was 
a half-and-half mixture of iced sparkling 
white wine, iced still wine and orange 
peel; it's one of the most magnificent 
after-dinner drinks you can uncork; it 
can be mixed in a large pitcher or in the 
individual glass. 

For men on the move, we offer the fol- 
lowing explicit ways of saying welcome. 
Each recipe serves six. 


SKEWERED ANTIPASTO 


3/ Ib. bel paese cheese in one chunk 
9-oz. jar tiny artichoke hearts in olive 
oil 


ted mushrooms in c 
ian sweet red and yellow 
peppers in wine vinegar 
6 large red radishes (or more, if desired) 
ya Ib. thinly sliced Genoa salami 
YA Ib. thinly sliced prosciutto ham 
With scissors, cut off sharp ends of 6 
wooden skewers. Cut cheese into cubes 


g 

peppers into 18 strips about м in. wide 

d 11 ins. long. The above will supply 
cnough for 6 skewers, with leftovers. 
Portions may be enlarged 1 
pieces, or additional skewers may be made 
wp for second helpings. Fasten a radish 
at the end of each skewer. Allo 
pieces of pepper for each, fast 
of ingre nately to skewer. Chill 
well. Brush h reserved oil 
just before serving. 


BRATWURST WITH WHITE-DEAN SALAD 

2 to 21⁄4 Ibs. large veal Bratwurst 

2167. cans small white beans (not 
baked beans) 

1⁄4 cup French dress 

2 tablespoons wine vinegar 

2302. cans chopped 
drained 

2 tablespoons very finely minced shal- 
lots or scallions 

Salt, pepper 

Butter 

Salad oil 

п beans; wash well to eliminate 

d and drain well, Place beans 

in mixing bowl Add French dressing, 

vinegar, mushrooms and shallots; 

well. Add salt and pepper to taste. Let 

salad marinate in refrigerator at least 3 to 


mushrooms, 


cold water; slowly bring toa boil. As soon 
as water boils, drain Bratwurst; wipe dry 
with paper toweling, Melt enough butter 
to cover large skillet, Add an equal quan- 
tity of ой. Sauté Bratwurst until well 
browned. Serve hot with sharp mustard 


and cold bean salad. 


BOILED-BEEF PLATTER (BOUILLI) 


4 Ibs. (first cut) fresh beef brisket or bot- 
tom round 


1 medium-sized head cabbage 

6 large carrots, peeled 

6 medium-sized potatoes. peeled 

Bring 3 quarts water to a boil in large 
pot. (A bouquet garni of a bay leaf, a few 
me and a few peppercorns is 
mes added to pot; beef purists pre- 


som 
fer the bouillon 
notes.) Add beef, on 


out these grace 
celery, 


ns, leeks, 
parsley, parsnip, tomatoes and 
spoons salt. Bring to a second boi 
reduce flame and let barely sim 
то 4 hours. Cut cabb; 
leaving cach wedge attached to core. 
About half an hour before cooking of 
beef is completed, add cabbage, carrots 


Remove and set aside beef, cabbage, 
Carrots and potatoes. Strain broth and 
serve as first course, if desired. Or cool 
bouillon and serve on the rocks with 
vodka as bull shots. Carve meat 
grain with very sharp knife. A 
cabbage in center of platter. Place beef 
th slices overlapping on cabbage, Gar- 
nish with carrots and potatoes. Pour a 
small amount of hot broth onto beef just 
before serving. Serve with cold prepared 
horseradish or hot horseradish sauce 
(below), small sour pickles, sharp mus- 
tard and coarse salt. 


HORSERADISH SAUCE 


1 cup beef bouillon 

1⁄4 cup light cream 

14 cup fresh white bread crumbs 

2 tablespoons butter 

2 tablespoons prepared 

drained 

Salt, pepper 

In saucepan, combine bouillon, cream, 
bread crumbs, butter and horseradish. 
Bring to a boil; simmer 5 mi Add 
salt and pepper to taste. 

Boiled Beef, Viennese Style: Prepare 
beef as above. At the table, pass hot 
horseradis| d а compartmented 
of assorted relishes on the sweet-tart 
side. These are available in jars and 
should be chilled before emptying onto 
‘They include sour pickles and small 


horseradish, 


nes. 


4 hours. Place Bratwurst in kage pot with and potatoes and simmer until tender, white onions in the same jar, Senfgurken, 


Hair like yours 
needs a shampoo 


like ours. 
Wella Balsam Shampoo. 


The longer your hair is, the more chance 

it has to get thin, broken and dull. Hot 
combs and too much sun and wind can 
weaken the ends of your hair. Wella Balsam 
Conditioning Shampoo adds strength and 
shine to troubled hair, while it washes it 
Clean. It's just as easy to use as a plain 
shampoo, but it helps to keep your hair 
healthy at the same time and makes it so 
easy to comb. 

If your hair is really in trouble, and you 
just can't get it to behave the way you want 
itto, use Wella Balsam Instant Hair 
Conditioner after every shampoo. It only 
takes a minute, and it really makes a 
difference. Stay in style but get your head 
together. With Wella Balsam Conditioning 
Shampoo and Wella Balsam Instant 0 


©1973 The Wella Corp. 


PLAYBOY 


184 


kled beets, celery salad. pickled squash, 
pickled vegetable salad and pickled red 
cabbage, which may be served hot or 
cold. If served hot, allow 2 jars for 6 
people and omit cabbage in recipe above. 

Potaufeu: Add а 41b. fowl to pot 
alter beef has simmered 1 hour. Serves 
8-10. If a 3-Ib. spring chicken is used, 
place in pot after beef has simmered 
2 hours. 


SHRIMP, APPLE AND PISTACHIO SALAD 
2 Ibs. (cooked weight) shrimps, boiled 
and shelled 
1 large Delicious apples, peeled and 
cored 
2 cups celery, Yin. dice 
114 cups mayonnaise 
1 tablespoon very finely minced chives 
2 tablespoons lemon juice 
2 teaspoons sugar 
4-02s. shelled salted p 
Salt, pepper 
Boston lettuce 
Cut apples into Yin. dice. In large 
bowl, combine shrimps, apples, celery, 
sc. chives, lemo: х, sugar 
Add salt and 
yonnaise if 
desired. Chill several hours. Line serving 
ter with lettuce leaves. Place salad on 
top and sprinkle with balance of pis 
1 may be further garnished 
with wedges of hard-boi and 
des 


tachios 


tachios. 


led egg 


tom: 


For unveiling your pad at a 
supper, try these light fondue sandwiches 
along with a bubbly or beer. 


GRILLED FONDUE SANDWICHES WITH 


Ib, shredded gruyére cheese 

Softened butter 

Salt, pepper 

6 large slices boiled imported ham 

12 slices large white sandwich bread 

Beat eggs well in top part of double 
boiler. Add cheese and 14 cup softened 
butter. Place over bottom section of dou- 
ble boiler with simmering water and 
cook, stirring constantly, until mixtui 
becomes thick and resembles soft scram- 
bled eggs. Add salt and pepper to taste. 
Chill slightly. 1f butter separates from 

se mixture, stir to blend ingredients. 

Sauté ham slices in butter until lightly 
browned. Spread cheese mixture on б 
slices of bread. Fold or cut ham slices and 
plice on cheese. Top with remaining 
slices of bread. Cover or wrap with wax 
paper and chill in refrigerator until serv- 
g time. Spread тор slice of bread with 
softened butter. Place sandwiches bu 
tered side down on preheated skillet or 
griddle. When bottom is brown, spread 
top with butter, turn and sauté until 
brown. Cut sandwiches d before 
serving. 

It’s your move. 


“I can't speak for the r 


st of the rabble, 


but he certainly rouses me!” 


VOICES 


(continued from page 113) 


for many years. But ronble came du 
the week when the engineers were testing 
the generators in the newly constructed 
Conglomerate Building across the street 
from his apartment, It must also be men 
tioned that sunspot activity was unusually 
high that week, cosmic-ray output re 
aximum and the Van Allen 
belts temporarily shifted four degrees 0 
the south. 

Mr. West had two big problems on his 
mind. One had to do with Amclia—love- 
ly, d 


her parents were in Europe. The very 
thought of her made his hands itch 
his nose tremble. But then he thou 
about the penalties for statutory incest- 
pe and decided to postpone that one 
The other problem concerned his 
shares of South African Sweatshops, Ltd. 
They had been slumping lately and 
he was thinking of cashing them in 
nd buying International Thanatopsis 
Corporat 
To come to a valid market decision, 
Mr. West had to assess such factors as Je- 
verage, margin, seasonal variation, inves- 
tor confidence, the Dow-Jones averag 
alfalfa futures and many other things. No 
one can be expected to think about those 
things himself. It was obviously a job for 


The Voice considered the problem 
^g breakl. 

got a solution 

in discounting cer 


The dith- 
in proper- 
induced їп tensile web 


id Mr. West. 
nd flexibility can be com- 
s a single gradient function,” the 
Voice went on, "but an absolute one in 
terms of selfendosed systems homeo- 
stasis. Therefore, molar 
will result in 
product strength. 

What are you 
West asked. 

“The apparent reversal of Frochet’s 
Law is due to the fact that energy flows 
through endoriented web-and-pebble sys- 
tems can be considered a simple bipo- 
Jar variable. Once you understand ihat, 
the industrial applications for this form 
of lamination are obvious.” 

Not to me, they're пой” Mr. West 
shouted. “What's going on here? Who are 
you 

There was no reply from the Voice. It 
had signed off. 

During the rest of the day, he could 
hear numerous Voices in his head, They 

ngs: 
Martin Bormann is alive and well and 
working as a Scientology auditor in Ma- 
naus, Brazil.” 


alking about?” Mr. 


were saying all sorts of suange 


ing Lady in the third at Aque- 


"Leap 
duct.” 

“You are a potential ruler of the solar 
system, but your evil pseudo parents have 
trapped you in an unclean mortal body.” 

That sort of talk alarmed Mr. West. He 
figured that one Voice in the head was 
tional, normal and perfectly OK. But 
hearing а lot of Voices was one of the 


signs of a crazy person. And, worst of all, 
he 


ouldn't g nswers from his own 
dividual V 
He kept calm over the next few days 
and tried to solve his own problems 
ed. He sold Sweatshops, Ltd., and it 
promptly went up five points. He bought 
Thanatopsis Corporation and it fell to 
a record low when Time magazine 
nounced a new immortality serum as 


He rubbed his twitching nose with his 
sweating hands and thought, "Let's sce, L 
could sneak into her room at night wea 


ing a black mask. She'd probably know 
who I was, anyhow, but I could deny 
the whole thing in court and who'd take 


the word of a dummy? Or I could tell 
her that the latest technique in sex edu- 
onstration 

But he knew that these solutions were 
filled with danger. He was simply no 
good at solving his own problems, and 
there was no reason he should be. That 
was work for his Voice—which he pic 
tured as a miniature West about the 
size of a pea who sat in the part of his 
br; 
looked out 
West's м 
m 


n labeled CONTROL CENTRAL and 
t the world through. Mr. 


es and sorted ui 
e decisions, 

"That was the normal, rational wa 
nature bad intended. But his own per- 
sonal Voice was no longer speaking to 
him, or had disappeared, or simply wasn't 
getting through. 

Toward the cud of the week, he be- 
impatient. “Solve something, damn 
you!” he shouted, pounding his forehead 
with his fist. But nothing happened ex- 
cept that various Voices told him how to 
fix liquid helium at room temperature, 
how to build a multipletakeoff sub- 
stance extractor out of an old. washing 
machine and how to vary his collage tech- 
nique with overprinted rotogravure back- 
grounds. 

"Then, at last, the generator tests were 
completed, sunspot activity started to de- 
cline, cosmic-ray activity returned to nor- 
mal, the Van Allen belts shifted four 
degrees north and Mr, West stopped 
hearing Voices. 

The last wo messages he rec 
these: 

“Try wearing a strapless push bra one 
size too small. If that doesn’t get his atten- 
tion, nothing will! 

And: 

“Go forth, then, and lead My Children 

ry on Mount Alluci, and tell 
them to render praises unto Me, for only 


gs out and 


y that 


ed were 


“That wasn't your daughter screaming— 
that was me.” 


this Place of Righteousness shall remain 
alter the Evil Nations have destroyed 
cach other with Fire and Plague, 
ke sure that you buy with Clear Ti 
as much unentailed land as you can, be- 
cause the price of real estate around here 
going to go Sky-High after the Balloon 
goes up next year." 

However, that was not quite the end of 
the matter. For on the day that the Voices 
stopped, Mr. West read an interesting 
item in The New York Times. The item 
told how a municipal policeman in Rio 
nde do Sul. moved by what he called 
n my head,” went to Manaus 
tin Bormann, alive 
and well and working as a Scientology 
auditor. 

Mr. West also glanced at the sports 
pages and found that Leaping Lady 
had won the third race at Aqueduct the 
previous day. 

The following evening, on the seven- 
o'clock news, Mr. West heard that the 
Smithsonian had been blown up, with 
great loss of stuffed animals. 

Mr. West found this disturbing. He 
hurried out and bought an armload of 
newspapers and magazines. In Art Times, 
he read how Calderon Kelly, in his latest 
oneman show, had varied his collage 
technique with overprinted rotogravure 
backgrounds, achieving an effect ar c 


се 
profound and lighthearted. And Science 
Briefs had a column about John Wolping, 
who had just announced а new form of 
Jamin: g energy Hows through 
end-oriented | web-and-pebble 
The Wolping Method was expected to 
revolutionize la оп techniques, 

Mr. West was especially interested in a 


systems. 


New York Post feature story about a new 
religious colony on the northern slope of 
Mount Alluci in eastern Peru. Two dozen 
Americans had followed Elibu Littlejohn 
Carter (known as The Last Prophet) to 
this desolate place. They were confidently 
awaiting the end of the world. 

Mr. West put down the newspaper. He 
felt strange and numb and disoriented. 
Like a sleepwalker, he picked up the tele- 
phone, got the number of Braniff, called 
and booked a flight to Lima for the fol- 
lowing d; 

As he put down the telephone, a clea 
unmistakable Voice in his head—his 
Voice—said to him, "You should never 
have sold Sweatshops, Ltd, but you can 
still recoup by doubling up on 

sis, which is really going to take oll 


he n aure Mr. West was back at 
Control Central! "Where have you 
been?" the big Mr. West asked. 

"I've been here all along. I just haven't 
been able to get a connection until now 

“Did you happen to hear anythi 
about the world’s coming to an end next 
Mr. West asked. 


i 
stull the miniature Mr. West said. 
“Now, look, about. Amelia—all you have 
to do is spike her Kool-Aid with two Nem- 
butals tonight and you can figure out the 
rest for yourself. 

Mr. West canceled his tip to Peru. 
Thanatopsis Corporation split ten for 
one at the end of the month 
got hooked on Nembies. Every man must 
follow the dictates of his own inner 


Voice. 
B 


nd Amelia 


185 


PLAYBOY 


186 


I LOST IT. п... 


only one who didn't have any brake 
And that's the way we got into the middle 
of the turn, right up there on the bank- 
ing. Crissakes, I think maybe I hunkered 
down my own shoulders there for just a 
litle bit. 

Turbo wasn't having any of that old 
bullshit, not a second of it. He had more 
power left than either one of us in his 


monster goddamn Plymouth and he was 
а dead, immortal cinch to ошар both of 
us down the straights. So he put his foot 


right into it. And, as we came off the 
turn, he inched up ahead of Hack again 
d he drew a goddamn bead on the 
curv 

Hot damn. Drew a bead. That means 
that Turbo came diving down to his left. 
going to beat hell, and he chopped Hack 
off right there. Good for Turbo. 

Bad for me. 

Naturally, Hack hit his brakes ri; 
now. Well, hell. fans, it was either hit 1 
brakes or let Turbo rip off the whole 
hr side of the car. Which certainly 
a lot of sense. Except that 1 
ht there on. Hack's t fring, 
remember? 

Oh. shit 


s 


Ace 

es for what they 
Stock Car Racing. 
sumbitch Ieft as quick as 
1 could and got out of Hack's air pocket 
and out into the turbulent world on my 
own. And there we were: three abreast 
on the back straightaway, all three cars 
fishtailing an awful lot, pufhng up 
smoke from the tires. With Turbo on 
the outside, poor old Hack in the middle 
And Stroker Ace—no goddamn brakes— 
roughly on the rail. 

They tell me the crowd went wild. 

There was no way we were going to 
make it through the turn in that sort of 
р. No fucking way. 

Well, hell. Somebody simply had to 
give it up. I stayed on the throule and 1 
тап all the prospects through my mind 
са very quick public opinion poll: 


Tcranked tha 


Question: Mr. Racer Man, has 
Turbo Ellison ever been known to 
back off in а race? 

answer: Turbo Ellison? Are you 


, how about Hack 


ng? 


there was just one split flash there whe 
1 could glance to my right and see two sets 
of radiators and hoods glaring at me. And 
that’s exactly when Hack Downing bow- 
els froze right up. He cased off and let us 
through. 

And then it got worse. Worse. 

For one thing, 1 was already into the 
turn too damned fast for а guy who 


couldn't tap his brakes, and that meant 
that there was probably only one thing 
to do. So I did it: I cranked the wheel 
hard left and let that sumbitch drift right 
around. 

Well, you got to know how to do it and 
I hadn't spent all my wasted youth in cars 
for nothing: I once got a brand-new Nash 
Rambler into a four-wheel drift coming 
‘ound that big turn near Wendover, 
Utah, and drifted the damn thing all the 
way to Lily's whorchouse in Ely. E 
is in Nevada. 

So I stayed right on the gas and listened. 
to the car do strange things and twist and 
pop and I was so full of torque that my 
damn eyes began to water and my tongue 
was squashed over against all my 
right-side teeth and I could feel the rough 
texture of all my fillings and that one 
gold cap that 1 have back there on the 
third upper-right molar. 

ї а clean sort of snap? 
nd the right side of the windshield sud- 
denly turned into a spider web of little 
radiating cracked lines from the su 
And the gearshift began acting like it was 
going to jump clean out the rightsidc 
door, so І tore one hand loose from the 
wheel and held the shift lever down with 
the butt of my hand. And 1 looked along 
the nose and drew a bead on the mai 
straight. 


And I stayed on the gas. 

Turbo must have heen right out of hi 
ng along 
flat 


skull, There he was, hammer 
nicely, right beside a car that wa 
fucking sideways. Turbo was going fr 
ward, right cnough, giving it 
had—and here was this damn car going 
just as fast sideways, for God's sake, with 
the front stretch coming up. 

And you think that dumb bas 
would choke up just a little bit? 


snapped right out of the turn 
and there was only one small comfort. 
Small comfort: I was in the groove and 
Turbo was on the outside. Probably mad- 
der than hell, I would venture to зау. 

We rocketed down the stra ight and, this 
time, Lugs was just a despairing blur. 
Smudge, and he was gone. 

Down at the end of the straight, race 
starter Dollar Bill Handley had the white 
опе more lap. Except that he 
asn’t waving the flag in that very flashy 
er of his that is something of a tra- 
dition all over the South. He was just 
nding there with his poor goddamn 
mouth open, watching the two of us 
hy him. About two full seconds 


come 


Б 
after we had gone by, he jumped out of 


the w; 


QUESTION: Let's see, now. About 
one more of them dumb fucking 
dipsy-doo turns and you'll have no 


more windshield. Is that right, Mr. 
Ace? 


ANSWER: One more. Right. 
Question: Or any chassis. Is that 
correct, Ace? 


ANSWER: Correct, yes. No chassis. 
Not to mention nuts, bolis, doors 
and roll bars. And pretty soon that 
gearshift is going to boogaloo right 
over where Г can't even reach it, for 
crissakes. 

QUESTION: But what the hell, Ace? 
You do want to win this race, don't 
you? 

ANSWER: Well, yes. Matter of fact, 
I do. 


OK, then. Let's try it one more time. 
Jesus Christ, there's only this one more 
lap to go. You do this and you've 
done it all. 

Two hands, this time: I wheeled left 
mmed my foot down on the pedal 
1 пудов hurt inside my $75 hand- 
made Italian-leather driving shoes. And 
I yanked it back hard to the right and 
clenched my teeth. 1 also clenched my 
rmpits, kneecaps, elbows, thighbones 
and testicles (which were already pretty 
well clenched, anyway, from that spilled 
Dr Pepper). And around we went. 

Crack! The goddamn windshield sort 
of imploded when the frame twisted and 
for a few seconds, the inside of the car was 
full of gently floating, drifting little pieces 
of glass, like the pictures you sce of a 
spaceship at zero gravity. Then the gear- 
shift just sort of jiggled right out of the 
damn socket and lay on its side, kicki 
and quivering. And then the glass shat 
tered on the tachometer and sprinkled 
itself down on top of my right knee like 
bright, shining crystal rock cand: 

There was still the goddamn back 
straight. And I eased the wheel left. 

nd let the car snap back around. 

And there I was: ahead of Turbo Elli- 
son. I glanced at my rear-vision mirror 
1d discovered that there wasn't any rear- 
n mirror. 

But I knew he was back there, all right. 
That's because he came powering right 
along and gave me a sharp whap! on the 
rear bumper. 

Uhhuh. Well, at least it was nice to 
now that the rear bumper was still tli 
So I took my right hand off the wheel 
for just a second and I flashed old Turbo 
Га peace sign and then I got set to 
crank into the last tur 

Im not sure where Turbo was just 
then. Except that he sure as hell didn't 
е enough room to come aro 
nd 1 was just too busy to check and see. 
Down the main straight—and by this 
me I had my foot locked into the gas. 
And two things happened: 

Thing one: Just as I rolled past Lugs 
Harvey, the whole fucking transmi: 
blew apart. 

Thing twi 


nd me 


And just after th 


PLAYBOY 


188 


the checkered flag. The winner and new 
SCAR champioi 

1 took my feet off everything and let 
the car roll and roll. And then I shook my 
head around a little bit to try and unlock 
my neck muscles. 

And I sort of drummed my finger tips 
on the steering wheel and I hummed a 
few bars of Stick It in Your Far, Mrs. 
Murphy. 

The car coasted and coasted and coast- 
ed. Right through the number-one and 
number-two turns, and I let the rest of 
the drivers come on around me, includ- 
ing Turbo Ellison, You recall Turbo 
Ellison. He's number two, that fucking 
meatball. 

Finally, just as I was reach 
turn it off, the engine just gave an apolo- 
getic kind of little cough and died. 
wisps of blue smoke started curling up 
from around the hood edges. 

And then the steering wheel came right 
off in my hands. 

1 sat there, parked alongside the in- 
field, until the fire truck came up. Lugs 
was perched on the front fender, still 
carrying the clipboard with the two 
stop watches attached. He hopped off 
before the truck even stopped and came 
running up. 

Lugs gave me his us 
grectin 


cheery postrace 


“You dumb bast ——' 


"Hey, Lugs. How you doing? Here' 
I handed him the steering wheel out of 


1 
want you to take this herc award and ¢ 
it to old Turbo. Tell him he knows where 
he can hang it.” 

Lugs snatched the wheel away and 
threw it down and kicked it halfway 
across the infield, just missing a few s 


pec 


this front windshield replaced and maybe 
check the oil and check on the transmis- 
sion. It squeaks just a bit there on the 
turns. You know. Probably nothing seri- 
ous. Oh, yeah. The brakes need just a lit- 
tle work. Think maybe you can have it 
ready for me by, say, five o'clock?" 

Lugs threw down his clipboard and 
stamped it right in half under his heel. 
When he gets real worried, he always 
stutters just a little bit 

“ELLEfor crissakes," he said 
yyou scared. me half to d-d-d-death, you 
сталу sumb-b-b, uhhh, you sumb-b-b-b, 
ummmm- 3 

"Bitch," I said. Then I unhooked the 
master release on all my safety harnesses 
nd shrugged them off. “Look out, there, 
just for a second” Then 1 sort of 
squinched around in the front seat 
put the bottoms of both my feet ag 
the door. Sure enough. it fell right off 
thought that might happen.” 

Lugs kicked the door, too. Then he 


danced around a little bit, holding onto 
one hand. 

"You could have been kkkkkilled,” 
he said, full of reproach. “I tole you to 
take it easy. God's sakes, I even wrote it 
on the fucking chalk hoard. rz. No 
brakes, for God's sakes. And you had to 
go out there and take off after Turbo El- 
Tison. You coulda been killed out there. 

“Uh-huh, Listen; How'd I look on 
those turn 

Lugs thought about it for a long min- 

“Never seen noth- 


Shit, this whole place was nothing but 
eyeballs and elbows and teeth for them 
last two laps. I mean: You was absolutely 
tard. 


t fucking sideways, you crazy |, 
And that Tur 


Come on, you guy 
said. “Your godda 
ing." 
Shall wez" I said to La 
He bowed. It was not really all that bad 
a bow for a guy with his size stomach. 
"Let us,” he said. 
And we took our victory.parade. lap. 
standing up in the back of the fire truck. 
Lugs waved at everybody just as much 
as I did. Hell, a couple of times there, I 
m blowing kisses to the crowd. 


the fire chief 
1 adoring public is 


“This he 
Chicken King 


said Clyde Torkle, the 
my sponsor, " 
imported champ: the real 
stuff, See here. right ou this label? It says, 
right here: “Napa Valley. 

ad looked 
ads 


- Lugs 
thir 


"Forkle shrugged. 
a bu 


They're all 


ch ol gahdam 
anyways. Here, have some 

Lugs made а face. “Shit. doesn’t 
body have any beer around here? 
said. 

We were sitting in the Goodyear v. 
the two big back doors open and the tail 
gate down. I had my shoes off and my 
driving uniform unzipped down to my 
belly. 1 also had lipstick all over my neck 
and a check for $26,890.64 in my pocket. 

The crowd had gone home and, out- 
side. the slanting sun was turning the 
track into a sort of shimmery gold. There 

re just a few trucks and campers left, 
and one or two lonely drunks throwing 
up in the infield. and the air had cooled 
down real quickly like it does in the 
South. And. maybe, if a man breathed 
in deeply enough, he could smell honcy- 


suckle. This is the best time around a 
race track. 
We were sitting on stacks of tires 


wrapped in brown p 


per and there was a 
on washtub full of ice and 
bottles in front of us. 

Clyde Torkle had his cowboy hat 
pushed back and his forehead was sweaty. 
He had started drinking, 1 suspect, just 


galvanized: 


about the first time he saw me get his 

d-new car sideways on the track. And 

d a really sort of finc, 

ny glow to it. Matched the tip of his 
cigar. 

"1 can't believe it,” he said. “I gor the 
champeenship. Honest to God, T can't 
believe 

"You better believe 
burped, gently. “This here"—he waved 
one of his greasy hands at me—"this here 
is the greatest fucking race driver ever to 
get ahint the wheel of a race car. I mean: 
Did you see that finish 
‘Shit fire, 1 seen it. I don't believe it, 
but I sure saw it.” 
ideways," Lugs said, nodding, 

“And going faster than Turbo. Side- 
ways. 

"Never mind that," I said. "Mor 
gne here." 

Lugs leaned over and pulled a fresh 
boule out of the washtub, He closed one 
big, massive hand around the cork—the 
fancy aluminum [oil those little tiny 
wires and all—and he simply snatched 
the whole thing right off in one smooth 
pull, The wine sprayed up and down 
cross his stomach. Then he leaned back 
and yelled out loud. 

“Charley!” he yelled. 

And Charley Heffer stuck his head 
up at the back doors. “I'm countin’ 
tires.” he said. 

“How many you got" 

“1 got. uhhhh . . . I got, mmmm . . . 
shit, Lugs, you made me lose count." And 
his head disappeared. 

"That there,” Lugs said solemnly, 
“chat there is the greatest fucking ti 
buster in the whole world, I me 
ley is the greatest. You unde 
Aint a thing that Charley don't know 
about tire compounds, Always saves the 
best tires for Ace here, Hell, Charley tells 
me what tires to put on and when to 
change 'em. Shee-it, Imagine that. He tells 
mc. You understand 


7 Lugs said. He 


cham- 


but we don't have any be 

"Thank you. Just a drop. There, that's 
fine. Uhh, well, congratulations to the 
champeenship. Mr. Ace 

"You can call him Stroker.” Torkle 
said. Then he thought about it for a min- 
utc. "Well, for today o 

“Mr, H 

“Mmmmmm?" Lugs said. 

"Mr. Harvey, what do you want done 
with the car?” 

Lugs looked blank. "Whut car?” 

“The race car. The one you all won the 
race in. Its still asittin' out there by the 
backstretch,” 

Lugs swung his head around and 
looked at Clyde. 

And Clyde thought about it, s 


arvey 


“Relax, Miss Goodbody—you can't stop an idea whose time has come.” 


189 


PLAYBOY 


190 


his head. "Well, now," he said. “Uh-huh. 
The car. The car, right?" He looked at all 
of us, "You know, now, that there is the 
car that won the champcenship. I me 
That there is a historic car, you dumb 
peckerheads. You realize that we just won 
the gahdamn title in that very car? You 
can’t just let it sit out there.” 


“Sure can't.” the maintenance man 
said. 
1 didn't ask you," Clyde said. 


Excuse me, sîr. 
ive it back to the garage in 
town?" Clyde asked Lugs 
ed back and yelled aga 
he velled. 
And Charley Hetter stuck his head up 
over the tail gate again, “Now what 
1 nts to know kin we drive 
at car back to the garage in town. 
Mr. Tore," Charley said, 
body knows that when Lugs builds a car, 
he builds it to run five hunnerc miles. 


Five hu t miles. And that’s all.” 

Lugs burped agai nd then the 
fucker self destructs, " he 

“And that ain't all" Charley said. 


“When Ace here gets through with a ca 
the goddamn frame is bent all out of 
shape and the chassis is sprung and the 
doors is all off and the windows is often 
it out." 

Torkle nodded, blinking. Then he 
sniffed deeply and a perfect tear came out 
of each eye and rolled halfway down each 
jowl. “Listen.” he said. “Think of Go- 
shen, New York. I mean: That's all I 
And he sniffed again. 
zosh 
Well. 


sure. Goshen, you dumb bas- 


tards. I mean: Old Messenger, the world’s 
most famous noning horse, right? I 


mean: Опе day Old Messenger just up 
and died right there in harness. Just fell 
right in his traces and by-God died. 


And, by God"—Torkle snuffed again, 
heavily—"and, by Jesus, they buried him 
right there on the spot, And today, to this 
very day, there is a little old. teensy white 
picket fence around his very grave there 
in the infield at old Averell Harriman's 
race track. And there's а little old printed 
ign that says: "Here Lies ОГ Messenger, 
Greatest. Fucking Harness. Horse That 
Ever Drew a Breath!” 

Then he really started crying. 

Lugs stood up and put one big hand 
over his chest. 
By damn.” he said 
and"—Torkle looked up—“and we'll 
bury that car right there in the infield. 
And I'll have a monument made out 
of real, solid Georgia seawall marble 
nd. 
The maintenance 
don't thi 


“we'll dig a hole 


blinked. “I 
re allowed to do that, sir,” 


ked you? Here, have some 


Uhhh, y 
there. But, no, I don't th 
up and bury 
you what 
truck, fell 
“Yessir, I ha 
npagne. 
Imported,” Torkle said. 
Lugs poured some more 
“Now, you take your tuck.” 
. you know where Hobbs Corners 


Just a drop 
nk you can just 


aid Lugs. “You got a 


ve. This here 


sure good 


d 


round. 


essir, I do." 

It's imported from Napa Valle 
Me said. "Them fucking for 
“Well.” Lugs said. “Vou just load up. 
at race car in your truck. Now, don't 
to pick up the steering wheel in the 
infield there. And then you drive the 
whole thing over to Hobbs Corners. You 
got that р: 


“Act like уоште going to rape me.” 


Charley stuck his head up. “Take the 
tires and all,” he said, He turned to me. 
“You know, Ace, you flat rooned them 
tires on the turns. I mean: goi 
Ways at the speeds you was 
damn. Talk about flat spots. 

“Sorry. 

He nodded. 
plenty mor 

“More wine, Charley 
again, a little bit unsteady 

“You made me lose count again,” Char- 
ley said. “But, yup. Just pour her right in 
there,” 


g side 


going. Hot 


nothing. Goodyear got 


Torkle got up 


пух: gs said to the mai 
tenance man. “You get to Hobbs Corners 
and you come to the stop light. And you 
turn left there and you go on past the 
hardware store. And you go on down the 
road a section and you come to a sort of 
fawn-colored house. Got thatz" 

“Uh-huh. Yessir.” 

“Well, then. On the mailbox, you'll sce 
painted there: "Turbo Ellison, R. F. D." 
And you take that race car and you dump 
it right in the middle of the driveway. 
Best if you do it at night.” 

“Well. sir. All this will cost 

Torkle jammed his hand down deep 
into his pocket. And he came up with a 
fistful of big bills. He bent over at the tail 
gate and peeled a few off. 
he said. "Thisll cover it, 


е will. Yessir. Uh-huh. 
"Remember, now." Lugs said. “Turbo 
Ellison. Dump it right there in the fuck- 
ing drivew 
“So much for that,” 


Torkle said. “Now, 
then.” 
Lugs snatched the top off another bot- 
tle. “Cups!” he yelled. 


We all held ours out. Charley Helfer 
popped up at the tail gate. “Me, 100,” he 
| "Sumbitch, but. T swear: A [ew more 
and I may start to like this 


“I propose a toast," Torkle said. 
“And I accept,” said Lugs. 

Not you, asshole. No. I propose a toast 
to the new NASCAR champeen. And to 
the greatest fucking feat of stock-car driv- 

g ever done on any race track at any 
time, anywhere." 

I stood up to drink the toast 
And Charley looked up over the t 


he said. "Kin I ask you 


"Did you 
in the race 

“No, why?" 

“Well, look there.” 

1 looked down at my crotch, It was all 
iously yellow-stained. 
You are not going to believe this,” I 
said. “But that is Dr Pepper.” 

Torkle burped. “That Dr Pepper. Ar 
other fucking forcign: 


piss in your pants out th 


he said. 


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PLAYBOY 


PLAYBOY FORUM 


admits publidy to homosexuality 
should be booted off campus and 
prosecuted in court for violation of 
applicable statutes. 

Pansy student organizations have 
been officially aided, it is said, on 
many college campuses. This is the 
most disgusting depth to which our 
permissive educators have yet de- 
scended, far more degenerate than 
their promotion of student fornica- 
tion through socalled “parietal 
hours" of intersexual dormitory vis- 
itation. 


The Union Leader is New Hamp- 
shire's only statewide newspaper and is 
well known for its right-wing views. 

P.C. Mollema, Jr. 
Kcene, New Hampshire 


FREUD AND HOMOSEXUALITY 

In the June Playboy Forum, Dr. Don- 
ald B. Rinsley insists that homosexuality 
is some sort of psychiatric illness requir- 
ing therapy. This is an example of the 
lengths to which some people will go in 
trying to demean sexual expressions that 
eud, on whose 
authority Rinsley relies, not only felt that 
homosexuality was the result of “arrested 
psychosexual development" but also that 
any form of se: ion other than. 
male-female geni act resul 
orgasm was perverted. But Freud ¢ 
invent sex, and variations on the th 
have been practiced by thousands of 
people for several thousand years i 
cultures. Many therapists, even Freudians, 
have ceased to describe thc variations 
as unhealthy. 


Steven D. Mount 
Seattle, Washington 


GLUG! 

I have occasionally let men make love 
to me, but this leaves me fecling cheated 
ol my self-respect. When I go to bed with 
a man, I'm usually drunk and need К-У 
Jelly to facilitate intercourse. In the arms 
of another woman, I lubricate copiously. 
А dean-smelling female, a pair of warm 
ats close to my own are w n me 
on. I much prefer a woman's kiss to that 


. І drove a woman to her 
ment from the local gay bar. Be- 
fore she got out of my car, I leaned over 
and we kissed. The kiss was sweet, clean, 
gentle, simple, soft, enjoyable and appre- 
ciated. Had my passenger been a man, Т 
probably would have endured a probing, 
sloppy, drunken tongue dawn my throat. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Washington, D.C. 


CONTEMPLATING NAVELS 

1 liked the letter in the June Playboy 
Forum praising navels. I prefer innies 
to outies, but, in any case, the sight of an 


192 umbilicus turns me on just as much as a 


(continued from page 62) 


glimpse of breasts, buttocks or pubic hair. 
ds а laugh that laws regulating public 
dress require women to cover those other 
paris but allow them to leave the navel 
exposed, with lust-crazed navel gazers like 
me freely roaming the streets, 

(Name withheld by request) 

Kankakee, Michigan 


TO CUT OR NOT TO CUT 

John Griffin's letter on mcision 
(The Playboy Forum, June) failed to 
mention that cancer of the cervix is more 
common among women whose sexual 
partners were not circumcised. This dis- 
ase is found in prostitutes and among 
women in India, South Ame nd 
Africa. In Isracl, where circumcision is 
wellnigh universal, 1 cancer is 
rare. 

Dr. Irving Kessler of Johns Hopkins 
University School of Hygiene and Public 
Health is now seeking out the widowed 
and divorced spouses of cervical cancer 
victims to learn if the same 
developed in subsequent 
director of the National Cancer Institute 
in Washington, D.C., recommends th 
every male capable of intercourse have 
himself circumcised, regardless of his age. 

Hairy Soffer 
Brooklyn, New York 


NAKED LUNCH 
105 about time our society changed 
some of its archaic laws and stupid atti 
tudes about nudity, and I'm doing my 
part to help. Last summer, I publicly auc 
tioned off my bikini top at a busy Noi 
Jahoma, comer before a cheering 
ime crowd of about. 1200—includ- 
ing the police chief, the sheriff and the 
city manager. Everyone seemed to be hi 
ing а good time and no one looked of- 
fended (though the sheriff said he was), 
but I was arrested immediately for 
decent exposure, a felony punishable by 
30 days to ten years in jai 
Wendy Berlowitz 
Norman, Oklahoma 


CRYBABY FREAKS 

A neighbor gave me a copy of Praynoy 
and when I read The Playboy Forum, it 
became clear to me what type of reader 
you auract. There is nothing new in 
The Playboy Philosophy; your brand of 
bullshit appeals only to the lower in- 
stincts in man and does nothing to ad- 
vance or uplift a man's life. You say that 
everyone should be allowed to do as he or 
she pleases, as long as it doesn't hurt any- 
one else. Who are you to say that а person 
no right to hurt others? You don't ac- 
knowledge the existence of God, so how 
do you know that murder is wrong? 

Your Playboy Forum is nothing more 
than a place for a bunch of crybaby freaks 
to let off steam. These freaks speak out 
ist those who condemn pornography 


as a cause of increased sex crimes. They 
want blood when it comes to the Water- 
gate situation, but when it comes to drug- 
law enforcement, they bitch and ay. 
They want capital punishment abolished, 
then they call for legalized murder in the 
name of the right to abortion. They sup- 
port equal rights for women, then they 
applaud when PLAYBOY uses them in a dé- 
grading fashion as Playmate material. 
Of course you think the Bible a 
fairy tale, but believing that this universe 
created itself, wound itself up, is not only 
a fairy tale but science fiction. When the 
Bible tells me it's wrong for one man to 
lie with another man for sex, I believe 
] believe the Bible when it says long hair 
is a shame unto a man but a woman's 
glory. There are people who will alway: 
Jap up your brand of bullshit, but don’t 
try to make out that you're high-class ma- 
terial. Yours is gutter-type filth, peddled 
to gutter-oriented peopl 
No, I'm not 70 years old, only 42 
R. H. Woods 
Elko, Neva 
Are you suggesting that ignorance, 
intolerance and puritanism are charac- 
teristics of old age, and that youre 
precocious? 


PLAIN COMMON SENSE 

I've heard that terrifying midnight 
raids, complete with drawn guns and bat- 
tered doors—often the wrong ones—have 
become a wademark of U.S. narcotics 
agents in pursuit of marijuana suspects. 
Our Royal Canadi Mounted Police 
take a somewhat different approach 10 
apprehending marijuana violators. A 
story in the Toronto Globe and Mail хе 
ported that when Mounties raided an 
apartment last May “and carried off nine 
boxes containing 213 marijuana plants in 
the carly stages of growth, all they left 
behind was a message for the apartments 
occupant to give them a call." He did, 
and was charged with and pleaded guilty 
to cultivating marijuana. 

R.C.M.P. superintendent Marcel Sauve 
noted that his men would have waited 
ound had they found large quantities 
of hashish or heroin, but said he couldn't 
spare men for minor cases such as this 
one. He also said that he can't recall a 
ase in which a suspect has failed to 
respond to thc please-getin-touch ap- 
proach, which he cl s "plain 
common sense in a case like this." 

John G. Murphy 
Scarborough, Ont 


cterized 


J 


The Playboy Forum” offers the 
opportunity for an extended dialog be- 
tween readers and editors of this pub- 
lication on subjects and issues related to 
“The Playboy Philosophy” Address all 
correspondence to The Playboy Forum, 
Playboy Building, 919 North Michi- 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 


т 


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PLAYBOY 


194 


SEXUAL BEHAVIOR 


75 times a year, while our 35-to-44 mar- 
ried people have a median of about 99; 
and for married people beyond the mid- 
50s, the percentage inc is сусп 
larger, the median having risen from 
96 to 49. 

= The rates of orgasm for females have 
eased along with frequencies of int 
course; this cin be taken as one measure 
of the satisfactoriness of intercourse for 
today's females—and, considering the 
general nature of contemporary male- 
female sexual interaction, ап indirect 
measure of the satisfactoriness of inter- 
course for today's males. In Kinsey's sam- 
ple. only about half of the younger 
females who were having premarital 
intercourse were having any orgasms at 
all as compared with three quarters. in 
our sample; and the median frequency of 
orgasm for our single females was three 


case 


(continued from page 88) 


times as high as that for Kinsey's females. 
Among married women, similarly, there 
is evidence of an increase in orgasmic 
regularity: 58 percent of our married 
women, but only 45 percent of a com- 
parable subsample of Kinsey's married 
females, have orgasm all or almost all the 
time, and the percentage of those who 
only sometimes or never have orgasm has 
dropped from 98 to 15. 

+ Homosexuality, as well as we can tell 
from the somewhat unuustworthy data, 
has not increased in incidence, although 
it most definitely has increased in vi 
sey's figures, and our own, present 
cult statistical problems, with wl 
we will deal in more detail in a later in- 
stallment in this series; our guarded con- 
clusions, however, are that some 20 to 25 
percent of all American males have at 
least one homosexual experience and 


“Your head still isn’t in the right 
place. In my book, dreams about the Dow-Jones do not 
vate as true occull experiences.” 


that this figure is about the same as an 
educated downward correction of Kin- 
scys exaggerated incidence. Our female 
figures, smaller to begin with, also show 
no increase. Much of the homosexual ex- 
perience induded in both Kinsey's fig- 
nd our own is early or adolescent 
ay or experiment. When we look only 
at those persons with homosexual experi 
ences beyond the mid-tcens, ог at those 
are mainly or exclusively homosex- 
п adult life, we again find figures 
ugly smaller than. Kinsey's or close 
to his when statistical adjustments. are 
made—but at no point were we able to 
find proof of any increases whatever. 

‘The social changes related to sexual lib- 
n have been vast, profound and 
unprecedented. For the most part, they 
have been highly visible—in newspapers, 
magazines, books, television and movi 
There is no doubt that sex has become 
the property of the media and a major 
concem of the public at large. 

Consider these ез ples: 

+ Although Kinsey's first volume (pub- 
lished in 1948) was immediately acclaimed 
as jor contribution to knowledge, 
much of the public and many academic 
persons regarded Kinsey, his associates 
and their work as unwholesome and sus- 
pect. By the end of the Sixties, however, 
search had become so respectable 
that any number of doctoral candidates 
were engaged in it and foundations and 
Government agencies were funding proj- 
ects that studied such phenomena as pros- 
ution and homosexuality. 

* In 1944, anthropologist John J. 
Honigmann wrote in the Journal of 
Criminal Psychopathology that sexual in- 
teraction in the presence of a third party 
questionably be considered ob- 
scene in our society and, indeed, that 
“our cultural norms would scarcely toler- 
ate such a situation [even] in the scientific 

iboratory." (Kinsey witnessed and filmed 
I acts but said nothing about 
cely a decade 
Dr. William Masters and Mrs. Virgi 
Johnson were closely scrutinizing couples 
in coitus in the laboratory and recording 
the condition of organs and tissues at 
every stage of intercourse. When they 
published their findings in 1966, under 
the title Human Sexual Response, medi- 
cal men and the general public alike 
hailed the work, and only a few intellec- 
tual troglodytes considered the book ob- 
scene. Professional journals of sexology 
and sociology have followed suit boldly, 
even publishing articles by researchers 
who have attended groupsex parties and 
who have been participants and/or ob- 
servers at pickup bars and at homosexual 
publictoilet encounters. 

+ In recent years, the border between 
the showable and the unshowable, the 


sex 


would u 


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speakable and the unspeakable, the print- 
able and the unprintable, had practically 
disappeared—at least until the Supreme 
Court's ruling in June of this year opened 
the way for a new border somewhere 
short of total freedom. During the past 
decade, female and male nudity made the 
grade in X-rated films, in the theater—on 
and off Broadway—and in mass-circula- 
tion magazines. Onstage, copulation was 
represented explicitly (simulated) in Oh! 
Galcuita!, cunnilingus in off-Broadway's 
The Beard and homosexual rape in For- 
tune and Men's Eyes. Hard-core blue mov- 
ies showing full-color closeups of erect 
penises penetrating every available orifice 
and freely spouting semen began to be 
xhibited at eroticmovie houses 
in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, San 
Francisco, Des Moines, Kansas City, Nash- 
ville, Dallas, Denver and elsewhere, At 
the bottom of the literary ladder, low- 
grade hardcore pornography of no dis- 
cernible literary or artistic merit, but of 
great explicitness and infinite perversi 
became available by the millions of copii 
in some 850 bookstores that specialized 
in erotica and, to some extent, in many 
of the more conventional bookstores 
throughout the country, 
Even in respectable literary works, de- 
scriptions of sex acts ceased to be poeti- 
cally allusive and indirect. Novels by such 
writers as Philip Roth and John Updike 
began to include clinically graphic scenes 
of masturbation, fellatio, cunnilingus, 


bDuggery—oh, yes, and intercourse—of 
such explicitness that Lady Chatterley 


seemed second cousin to Heidi. Words 
such as fuck, cock, cunt, prick and the like 
began to be freely used in respectable 
books and magazines, and in late 1972, 
the unthinkable happened—the mag- 
isterial Oxford English Dictionary, for 
nearly 90 years the ultimate authority on 
the English language, included the word 
fuck in ited supplement. 

+ In the Thirties, the most advanced 
and liberal marriage manual in print was 
Theodore Hendrik van de Velde's Ideal 
Marriage. Dr. Van de Velde advised the 
use of foreplay—he included (daringly, 
for that time) oral-genital stimulation— 
and described, in most refined terms, a 
number of alternative positions. Here's a 
sample: 


In the astride attitude, there is 
no possibility of mutual embrace or 
Kisses. On the other d, the full un- 
impeded view of cach other's bodies 
-.. has a strongly stimulant effect. 
And the opportunity, often missing 
in other attitudes, of gazing face to 
face, into one another's eyes, of be- 
holding, in the reciprocal play of 
expression, the rising tide of excite- 
ment to its ecstatic culmination, 
greatly enhances all the other stimuli 
of this attitude, 


He recommended the genital kiss (if 
needed), but he warned the husband to 
use it with “the greatest gentlencss, the 
most delicate reverence,” and cautioned 
the wife, in employing fellatio, to exercise 
utmost “aesthetic delicacy and discre- 
tion” in order not to cross “that treacher- 
ous frontier between supreme beauty 
and base ugliness.” (Presumably, this 
meant that she should not carry it through. 
to the point of ejaculation; Van de Velde, 
like most other authorities of the time, 
regarded fellatio to orgasm as a species 
of perversion.) 

Today's marriage and sex manuals take 
а lustier, earthicr approach. They urge 
readers to attain maximum sensation and 


some of them recommend—along with a 


wide variety of positions—simultancous 
oral-genital stimulation to orgasm, anal 
play with the finger or tongue, anal inter- 
course and the use of vibrators, mirrors 
nd crushed ice (a handful of which, 
jammed into the crotch at the moment of 
orgasm. immensely heightens the experi 
ence, according to Dr. John Eichenlaub). 
The tone of the prose employed in such 
books has changed radically from that of 
Van de Velde. For example, in Every- 
thing You Always Wanted to Know 
About Sex ..., Dr. David Reuben de- 
scribes 69 as follows: 


sistent throbbing of 
st her lips and experi- 
ences а slightly salty taste, as well as 
the characteristic but not unpleasant 
odor of the sudoriferous glands of 
the Because the penis is much 
larger in comparison to the clitoris 
she can also sce the male genitals as 
she proceeds. By simultaneous cunni- 
lingus and fellatio every possible 
sense is brought to a fever pitch 
and a mutual orgasm occurs rapidly 
unless the couple switches to a penis- 
vagina position. The most presum- 
ably undersexed man or woman will 
be brought to an explosive orgasm by 
using this technique providing they 
arc willing to do 


She feels the 


Indeed, the immensely popular sex 
manuals written by “J” (The Sensuous 
Woman) and “М” (The Sensuous Man) 
employ a palpitating, salivating eroticism 
not far removed from the hard-core por- 
nography that once was sold only under 
the counter: 


Put your girl in a soft, upholstered 
chair and kneel in front of her so 
your head comes about to the level of 
her breasts. . . . Now slide her off 
the chair and right onto that beauti- 
ful erect shaft. The feeling is dizzy- 
ing. She is wet and very, very hot; 
you are face to face and in about as 
deep as you can bi ‚ You lean 
back with your hands on the floor 


and raise your pelvis to plunge into 
her for a few moments, and chen she 
should take over the action by mov- 
ing her pelvic area up and down on 
your penis—faster and faster. . . - 
[It’s] an exciting way to come. When 
you do explode, you'll find yourself 
in each others arms—exhausted, 
wet, beautiful—a total state of 
А.Е. O.—all fucked out. 

—The Sensuous Man 


He may wish to investigate you 
anally with his mouth and tongue 
and expect you to reciprocate. Now 
don't freeze. 1 you have washed 
this area, it is not dirty and, if you'll 
stop wailing like a banshee or playing 
Purity Raped for a moment, you will 
notice the beginning of a curious, 
warm and divinely demanding sensa- 
tion and be secretly hoping he'll go 
on to the next step. 

—The Sensuous Woman 


+ In addition to all this talk, we are now 
surrounded by evidence that people are 
openly doing things that a generation ago 
were unthinkable, or at least were among 
the most guarded of personal secrets. 
Sex-therapy clinics and nude encounter 
groups are burgeoning, and not just in 
New York and on the West Coast. Stu- 
dents of both sexes room together openly 
in many colleges. Pickup clubs and 
singles bars have spread like crab grass. So- 
called massage parlors provide paid-for 
sexual services. Sex magazines and direct- 
mail companies offer dildos, equipment 
for sadomasochism and assorted other 
sexual devices; New York and a [ew other 
cities have shops that openly sell such 
merchandise. Gay baths that function as 
places for quick sexual encounters now 
flourish in a number of cities. 

* Open marriage and flexible monog- 
amy have been advocated by a number 
of best-selling authors. Group marriages 
have become a reality; close to 2000 com- 
munes were located by one newspaper 
survey in 1970, a large number of which 
volved some form of group marriage. 
Unwed alliances have cither grown in 
number or come out into the open, or 
both: One reads every day of actors and 
actresses, jet setters and other celebrities 
who openly live with their lovers or who 
have children out of wedlock, by choice. 

* Several states have moved toward the 
model penal code adopted by the Ameri- 
can Law Institute in 1962 and have re- 
vised their sex Laws so as to drop from the 
list of crimes most or all private sex acts 
between consenting adults. Hlinois, Con- 
necticut, Colorado, Oregon, Ohio, North 
Dakota, Delaware and Hawaii have wiped 
out their long-standing penalties against 
private consensual sodomy, both hetero- 
sexual and homosexual. In mest states, 


197 


PLAYBOY 


198 


ainst fornication, cohabita- 
tion, adultery and sodomy still stand, but, 
with a few notable exceptions, such laws 
are now rarely enforced. 

* In January 1973, the Supreme Court 
handed down its epochal decision that 
recognized the constitutional right of 
as part of the right of privacy— 
le for themselves whether or not 
terminate pregnancy by abortion. 
in proscribe abor- 
the 
fetus is viable, except when abortion is 
necessary to preserve the life or health of 
the mother) Ten years ago. legal 
d easy abortion in the United States 
was unthinkable: five years ago. it w 
thinkable but nonexistent; in 1972 it 
was legal, subject to certain limitations. 
half a dozen statcs; and in 1973 it 
legal everywhere. 


the old laws 


to 
(However, states still 
tion in the final trimester. when 


Thus, things unseen and unheard of a 
generation ago or even a decade 
now to be seen у 
And yet, for all the words and the st 
new phenomena around us, we have 
had no good way to judge whether the 
changes that have taken place affect only 
a highly visible minority or the large un- 
seen majority; whether the increase in 
freedom, wl s scope, has strength- 
ened love relationships and marriage 
among the sexually liberated or weak- 
ened them; whether sexual liberation is 
bringing the liberated greate 
or only a frenetic quest for stronger sensa- 
tions and new kicks; and whether Ameri- 
са is becoming a dissolute and degenerate 
nation ora sensuous and healthy one 

The Playboy survey attempts to pro- 
vide a body of information from which 
such judgments can be derived. We 
sought. in resurveying the territory that 
Kinsey mapped out during the Forties 


atisfaction 


and reported on in 1918 and 1053, to 
measure, scientifically and. precisely. the 
changes that have taken place since then. 
Many of the measurements yielded амо 
ishing results—some because they re 
vealed change greater than expected, but 
some because they thoroughly refuted 
certain widely accepted beliefs about the 
scope and meaning of sexual liberation 
In the 2026 completed questionnaires 
and in 200 supplemental depth interviews 
our survey teams and interviewers exam- 
ined sexual attitudes before they investi- 
uted behavior, The Kinsey group had 
tached little value to verbally expressed 
titudes, reasoning that an individual's 
acts show what his atitudes really are, 
while the things he says are "little mor 
than reflections of the attitudes. which 
the particular culture in which 
ised.” Kinsey himself had orig- 
n a biologist dealing with infra- 
human creatures—wasps, in [act which 
may account for his antiverbal bias. Most 
sociologists and. psychologists. however, 
do not share his bias against attitudes. In 
fact. sociologist Ira Reiss, a leading inves- 
tigator of contemporary sexual mores, re- 
cently compared the attitudes expressed 
izable group of unmarried college 
with their actual behavior and 
concluded that “in the great majority of 
cases, belief and action do coincide.” 
Because attitudes were so sparsely re 
ported in the first and second Kinsey 
we can make few direct com- 
works. Bur even 
ase line, it is 


volume 
parisons with 
without а firm statistic 
abundantly clear to anyone who is ac 
quainted with the state of sexual attitudes 
а generation ago that in many particulars, 
our ic shift toward per 
missiveness. Americans are much more 
tolerant of the sexual ideas and acts of 
other persons than formerly and feel far 


those 


ous previously for- 
bidden acts as possible for themselv 
and, hence, to indude such acis in their 
own sexual repertoires. 

The Roper polling agency a 
tional samples. in 1937 and aga 
“Do you think it is all 
both parties to a marriage to have 
previous sexual intercourse?” There was 
virtually no change over that span of 
rs: In both 1937 and 1959, 22 percent 
aid it was all right for both men and 
women, eight percent said it was all right 
for men only and somewhat more than 

Lit was all right for neither. Our 
own survey shows a major shift: Depend 
ing on the degree of emotional involve 
ment between the partners. premarital 
is considered acceptable for males by 
a large majority of our men and by 37 to 
3 percent of our women. It is considered 
acceptable for women by 44 to 81 percent 
of our males and 20 to 68 percent of our 
ng on the close 


ked na- 
n 1959, 


1 
ness of the relationship. 

More than half of all women and al- 
most half of all men in our survey dis- 
agree with the statement “Homosexuality 
is wrong.” Nearly half of the men and 
women, in fact, believe that homosexu 
ity should be legal: slightly sr 
portions feel it should not 
express no opinion. Near majorities or 
even large majoritics of our total sample 
take the supposedly unpopular or avant 
garde view on similar issues. For instanc 
distinct majorities favor legal prostitution 
and legal abortion, and divorce laws t 
would eliminate the need to offer reasons 
to the court. 

Christian 
viewed 


always 
intercourse as among the 
vilest of perversions and the blackest of 
sins. We expected to find some measure of 
tolerance for it as a result of the general 


na 


as 


SINGLE MARRIED 
Mole Female Male female 
18—24 |25 & over | 18—24 | 25 & over | 18-24 | 25-34 | 35-44 | 45-5455 & over | 18-24 | 25-34 | 35-44 | 45-54 | 55 & over 
None 1.7%) 121% | 31.5%) 116% | —%| —%| 1.0% | 4.9%] 51% —% | 05% | 24% | 5.1% | 130% 
1-3 times 16 28 43 -= ЕЗ = 10 28 64 = 14 |810: = 5.2 
4-11 times 65 15 51 12 = = 15 14 24 12 05 24 44 E 
12-24 times 141 93 81 87 14 25 67 58 |166 12 28 52 |190 18.5 
25-52 times 10.9 | 150 140 | 159 68 | 114 | 155 | 31.0 | 346 120 |13 |233 |2703 
53-104 times 103 | 724 98 | M5 [189 [278 |38 |303 | 205 [лт [315 [316 [304 
105-156 times 38 | 195 | 89 | м1 [20 [ae |242 [170 | 64 [229 |258 [168 | 76 
157—208 times 60 | 47 sims fear за [72 |14 | — [wi |59 |95 [32 
205-313 times 27 | — a ЕТЕШ ЯЛЫ КВЗ ]p wur ]pew jp SAR EAST 802 - 
314-365 times 16 | 28 BIDA 14 [25 [is [= | = 48 |o |10 | — = 
More thon 365 times | 16 | 19 | 09 | 29 | 68 | 20 | 05 = 48 |o |- [oe | — 
Not ascertained AIL ILE ESL ECRIRE RE = |14 [es |32 | 4 
Medion lost year | 
(number of times) 22 103 24 99 155 148 102 52 50 53 |17 99 52 49 


liberal trend, but we were in no way pre- 
pared for the results that came out of the 
computer: Only a litte more than a 
quarter of all men and women in our 
survey agree with the statement “Anal in- 
tercourse between a man and a woman 
wrong," while substantially morc than 
half of each sex disagree. The data are 
worth listing here in detail: 


ANAL INTERCOURSE 15 WRONG 
(percentages are rounded) 
Men Women 


Agree strongly 17% 18% 
Agree somewhat. 10% 9% 
Disagree somewhat 2695 25% 
Disagree strongly 33% — 329; 
No opinion M% 169% 


t permissiveness of the 
replies is, if anything, under- 
stated by this table, since the unusually 
large proportion of “No opinion” replies 
probably signifies unwillingness to criti- 
cize the practice. This is not to say that the 
majority of our sample considers anal in- 
tercourse appealing, exciting or mutually 
satisfying; clearly, however, the majority 
no longer accepts the traditional negative 
evaluation of the act. 

The Congressionally authorized Com- 
mission on Obscenity and Pornography 
found that only a t 
feel that adults should be allowed to read 
or see any sexual materials they wish, but 
more than half indicated that they would 
feel this way provided it were proved that 
such materials do no harm. Our data indi- 
cate a similar mixture of restrictive and. 
permissive feelings about erotica: Four 
tenths of the men and women in our sur- 
vey sample say that pictures, drawings, 
movies and prose that show or describe 
sexual acts either disgust them or cause а 
mixture of disgust and delight—yet from 
half to more than nine tenths of our sam- 
ple also admit to being sexually aroused 
by material of this sort. The latter figures 
are two to four times as large as the 
comparable figures reported for women 
by Kinsey and are consistently larger, 
though by a smaller degree, than his 
figurcs for men. In some part, the greater 
capacity to be aroused probably has to do 
with mere opportunity, But in all like- 
lihood, a substantially larger number 
of persons than formerly— particularly 
women—today see erotic material with 
some frequency; and while they continue 
to feel some revulsion or guilt. probably 
attributable to cultural conditioning, 
they have become sufficiently uninhibited 
to be aroused by it. 

Generally speaking, we found that per- 
missive attitudes about sex were more 
common among the young and among 
males than among older persons and 
females, Permissive attitudes generally 
were associated with higher education, 
political liberalism, white-collar status 


“Mister, I can make your dollar go farther.” 


and the absence of strong religious feel- 
ings. Conservative attitudes 
on the other hand, were more common 
among older persons and among women 
and generally were associated with lower 
educitional attainment, pol conserv- 
atism, blue-collar status and religious de- 
voutness. We were surprised, however, by 
the magnitude of the age factor; with cer- 
ions, i adowed the other 
major influences on sexual attitudes. 

We found the young, the middle-aged 
and the old in substantial accord only or 
those sexual issues that threaten no one 
and represent no danger 10 marriage or 
social stability. The statement “Sex is one 
of the most beautiful parts of life" won 
the agreement of nine tenths or more of 
the men and women in every age group. 
In contrast, women under 25 are three 
«а half times as likely às women of 55 
and over to believe that premarital inter 
course makes for better and more stable 
maniage (the percentages were 64 and 
18, respectively). Again, nearly twice as 
many persons under 35 as over 35 think 
that homosexuality should be legal, and 
sim erences exist on the impor- 
tance of virginity and the wrongness 


about sex, 


lar d 


of masturbation. These permissive atti- 
tudes, though the: h 
youth, do not necessarily express youthful 
ponsibility and general rebellious- 
ness; they may do so to some extent, but 
they are also part of the contemporary 
nd have been learned and adopt- 
h toa declin- 


€ correlated wi 


1 evolution from libera 
servatism that is repeated in every genera 
tion, or has something been happening 
that does not replicate the past? One 
would expect that the status and habits 
that go with increasing age would natu- 
rally make people more conservative 
about sex, as they do about politics, 
money and many other things. Reiss and 
others have pointed out, too, that there 
a strong tendency for the sexually per- 
missive to become more conservative as 
their own children approach puberty, be 
cause, as parents, they feel responsible for 
may happen. 

But the differences in attitude between 
the very youngest group in our survey 


matur m to con- 


199 


PLAYBOY 


and the 35-to-44 group—the first in wh 
pubertal children would bc involvcd— 
showed no sudden discontinuity, nor was 
the curve flat thereafter, as it should 
have been if children were the cause of 
conservatism. While some part of the 
swing to conservatism is surely due to the 
inherent nature of the life cycle, we feel 
that the data may suggest something more 
interesting than this: They suggest that 
for the past generation, a major—and 
permanent—re-cvaluation of sexual atti- 
tudes has been occurring throughout our 


society, a process that has left its mark on 
each age group. The greater part of one’s 


attitudes toward sex is acquired in the 
learning years of the teens and young 
adulthood, and the attitudes of each age 
group therefore tend to indicate what the 
norm was for that group when it was at 
the formative stage. Here, for instance, is 
the striking record of the growing toler- 
ance of men and women toward hetero- 
sexual cunnilingus: 


CUNNILINGUS 15 NOT WRONG 
(percentages who agree) 


Under 25 25-34 35-44 


85% — 8995 77% 
ien 86% 89% 8% 
45- 55 and over 
Men 56 18% 
Women 67 47%, 


(The paradoxical dip for those under 25 
does not signify a revival of puritanism 
but, rather, the inexperience and inhi 
tions of the very youngest members of 
this group; by the age of 20 or there- 
abouts, however, permissiveness on this 
mater is суеп more predominant than it 
is in the 25-to-84-year-old group.) In each 
age group. virtually the same percentages 
are permissive about fellatio as about 
cunnilingus, showing the same degree of 
change along the age parameter. 

A considcrable number of the under-25 
men and women report that the use of 
some stimulants and depressants makes 
their sexual experiences more pleasu 
ble; others report the opposit 

Thirty-six percent of the women and 
30 percent of the man state that alcohol 
makes intercourse more pleasurable; how- 
ever, 12 percent of the women and 27 
percent of the men find that it makes in- 
tercourse less pleasurable. 

Six percent of the women and 11 per- 
cent of the men state that barbiturates 
make intercourse more pleasurable; six 
percent and nine percent, respectively, 
report the opposite effect. 

Twelve percent of the women and 15 
percent of the men state that hallucino- 
gens make intercourse more pleasurabl 
four percent and seven percent, respec- 
ely, say the opposite. 

Forty-one percent of the women and 45 
percent of the men state that marijuana 


200 makes intercourse more pleasurable; only 


two percent and four percent, respective- 
1y, vote the other way. 

"Two percent of the women and six 
percent of the men state that hard drugs 
make intercourse more pleasurable; two 
percent and five percent, respectively, 
say the opposite. 

Slightly smaller percentages of persons 
in older age groups say that alcohol makes 
intercourse more pleasurable, but only 
very small percentages of older groups 
ve anything good—or anything at all 
to say about the other drugs. In the age 
groups [rom 35 up. only about five to ten 
percent have ever had intercourse while 
using marijuana, but nearly all who have 
done so thought it made sex more pleas- 
ble. Only a few scattered individuals 
have had sex while using the other drugs 
mentioned above; nearly as many of them 
reported negative effects as reported posi- 
tive ones. 

‘The real significance of what is 


р 


pening, however, begins to appear when 
we compare the importance of the age 


factor with the other major variables in 
determining attitudes. In most cases, age 
has never been as important as such other 
factors as educational level or degree of 
religious feeling; today it is generally as 
powerful as—and in many cases more 
powerful than—these or the other classic 
determinants of sexual attitudes. The 
process of change has been affecting all 
kinds of Americans, significantly nar- 
rowing the gap—among the younger 
people—berween the devout and the non- 
devout, the bluecollar people and the 
white-collar people. the college-educated 
and the non-college educated, the pol 
liberals and the political conservatives. 
In the older hall of our sample, for in- 
stance, college-educated women arc con- 
iderably more permissive about fellatio 
than their noncollege peers: Three q 
ters of the former do not think fellatio 
wrong, compared with a little more than 
half of the latter, Among women in the 
younger half of the sample, however, four 
fifths of the college-educared—and 
most as many of the noncollege—women 
no longer think that fellatio is wrong. 

Occupational status is also correlated 
with sexual attitudes, but again, we 
found that younger persons are more per- 
missive than older persons at both blue- 
collar and white-collar levels, and that 
young blue-collar men are now generally 
as permissive as the older white-collar 
men, Consider this example: 


HOMOSEXUALITY SHOULD BE LEGAL. 
(percentage of males who agree) 
Under 35 35 and over 
White collar 65%, 439, 
Blue collar 41% 27% 


‘The more lurid accounts of the growth 
of sexual liberation might lead one to 
imagine that younger Americans balk at 


nothing in the catalog of sexual behavior 
and that sexual liberation means the cast- 
ing off of all internal and external rc- 
straint. Indeed, among our interviewees, 
we found some advocates of sexual libera- 
tion who took this view—and were em- 
Larrassed by their own inability to enjoy 
every activity suggested to them. As one 
young divorcee said, “I feel so silly—this 
fellow I'm secing is keen on rimming me 
[performing analingus}, but 1 always get 
embarrassed and turned off by it. I guess 
I'm not as loose as I'd like to be.” And a 
young man said, "Some of my friends tell 
me Em still hung up because I can't bring 
myself to try it with guys. Maybe they're 
right—I mean, what difference does it 
really make?—but I'm chicken, or some- 
thing; I just can't do it." 

Most people, however, read a different. 
meaning into sexual liberation; they re- 
gard it as a frecdom within which they 
have the right to remain highly selective, 
choosing only those sexual acts that mect 
their emotional needs. Many persons 
have adopted or at least tried a number 
of practices that were proscribed and 
avoided by all but the sophisticates a gen- 
cration or so ago, and many contempo- 
rary Americans are somewhat less fettered 
in enjoying their sensations than their 
precursors were; but by and large, they 
have added to th repertoires 
only acts that are biologically and psycho- 

y fee from a 
remained highly discriminati 
choice of sexual partners and they con- 
tinue to attach deep emotional signifi- 
cance to their sexual acts rather than 
regarding them as sources of uncompli- 
ited sensuous gratification, 

Con: nding that premarital 
intercourse has become the prevailing 
standard. Young women today are much 
more likely than their mothers were to 
feel they have a right to complete sexual 
lives before marriage, but they do not ex- 
ercise that right in a purely exploratory 
or physical way. The inhibitions of the 
demi-vierge of the Forties have been re- 
placed by sexual freedom within the con- 
fines of emotional involvement, not by 
in Reiss's termi- 


ider ou 


[reeand-casy swingin 
nology, the contemporary norm is “per- 
missiveness with affection.” In Kinsey's 
study, almost half of those m 
women who had had premarital inter- 
course had had it only with their fiancés; 
in our own sample, while twice as many 
have had premarital intercourse, an even 
larger proportion—slightly over halt— 
limited it to their fiancés; and among 
the youngest women in our study, the fig- 
ure is still higher. It is very likely that 
there are more single women today who 
are willing to have intercourse on a pure- 
ly physical level, without emotional tics, 
but most sexually liberated single girls 


“I think we should make it а point 


fic 
nS. FREEZERS 
| 


Lo come in some night and find out what 
the hell's going on with this watchman.” 


still feel liberated only within the context 
of affectionate or loving relationships. 

nning to accept 
ital freedom and to regard 
Ithy. One woman, a 50-year-old 
ly, commented: 


з parents are be 


Ten years аро. I would have want- 
ed my daughter to go with a fellow, 
fall in love, have a courtship and get 
married. Now, I only want to get 
across to her that wh: i 
to know whi 
sex, ready to t 
physically and emotionally. I want 
her to feel that the important thing 
is to have a veal experience with 


someone, and not to think she 
му just because she's 


as to 


marry some 
slept with 


Premarital si 
still has marria; 


a loving relationship 


the qu 
seems to he integrally connected to the 
strength and security of the emotional 
relationship. A young housewife de- 
scribed the growth of her sexual life in 
the following terms: 


I thought it was quite good before 
we got married, and no doubt it was, 
but being married. and having our 
own place made a. big difference in 


my whole mı 
course, there 
citement before та! 

rying to get togeth 
find some privacy, and keep it hi 
den—but that was an artificial cx- 
citement. Once we could take our 
minds off those extrancous concerns 
and pay more attention to cach 
other, it rapidly got very much bet- 
ter, and we took а lot more t 
seemed to penetrate much deeper 
into total feeling. We had varied our 
lovemaking before marriage, but in 
the first few years of marriage, we 
varied it a lot more and tried out 
many new things; we kept some and 


and 


201 


PLAYBOY 


202 


dropped others as we came to under- 
stand what we both enjoyed most. 
Sometimes there's a lot of foreplay, 
sometimes not, depending on the 
mood we're in. We both like oral acts 
very much, with the one limitation 
that he doesn't like me to bring him 
too close to climax that way, because. 
it makes it difficult for him to last. 
lc me. Now I. as it happens, 
more than once, and I 
just love to do so, so we try to arrange 
it so that he sends me off into one 
and then another, and then joins 
me for the grand finale, and 1 do 
mean grand. ‘The best position for me 
is the standard one, but I also get 
great pleasure out of being on hands 
and knces and being entered from the 
rear, which he likes best. We've tried 
just about everything possible, in- 
cluding my sitting up on him with 
my back toward him. We even use 
anal intercourse, although every- 
thing has to be just right, in terms o£ 
my stomach and bowcls, for me to 
want to do that. At first we did that 
very rarely, because there was pain, 
but he found it very exciting, so 1 
persisted and learned to relax so that 
there is no pain, and now—though I 
don't know how it's physiologically 
possible—I actually climax in that 
position. . . . We have sex less fr 
quently now than we did seven years 
ago, at the beginning of marriage, 
because it’s not so novel a thing an. 
more, but at the same time it's lots 


PRN fe 


more exciting becanse of the fami 
arity and case of it, and a much rich- 
er and freer experience than ever 
before. The only thing that limits it 
is when we're unhappy with cach 
other about something, because it 
isn’t possible for either of us to enjoy 
the physical thing unless we're етпо- 
tionally in tune. 


Even masturbation continues to be 
linked to sexual acts of emotional signifi- 
cance; a lerge majority of men and 
Women in every age group say that while 
they masturbate, they fantasize about 
having intercourse with persons they 
love. But they do fecl notably freer than 
they formerly did to administer such sex- 
ual relief to themselves in times of ten- 
sion or deprivation. 

While we found very small increases in 
the percentage of all males, or all females 
who have ever masturbated (a little over 
nine tenths of all our males and six tenths 
of all our females have done so at some 
time in their lives), we did find that girls 
are far more likely today to start mastur- 
bating carly in adolescence, and that boys 
begin somewhat earlier; both single 
males and single females, moreover, mas- 
turbate considerably more frequently in 
the mid-20s-to-mid-30s group than for- 
merly, Both of these trends indicate 
lessened guilt feelings, rather than sex- 
ual hunger, since these same people are 
also having more intercourse. 

Even more indicative of lessened guilt 
feelings is the increase we found in mas- 


“OF course you don’t believe in nudity on the stage—you 


don’t believe in it off the stage either!” 


turbation among the married. An cxam- 
ple: Kinsey's data showed that in the 
Forties, more than four out of ten married 
men between the ages of 26 and 35 still 
masturbated, and with a median frequency 
of six times a year; today, according to our 
data, more than 70 percent of married 
that age group do so, and with a 
median frequency of 24 times a year. Kin- 
sey found that a third of the married 
women in the same age bracket mastur- 
bated, their median rate being ten times 
a year: while we found no increase in the 
median rate, more than twice as many do 
so today. 

These remarkable increases might 
mean that there is more sexual dishar- 
mony in the marriages of the young today 
than there was a generation ago, but other 
data from our survey—the answers to 
questions on marital happiness and mari- 
tal sexual satisfaction — effectively elimi- 
nate this possibility. It is more likely that 
young husbands and wives feel more at 
liberty than their counterparts of a ger 
eration ago to turn to masturbation when 
ever sexual frustration develops out of 
sexual or emotional conflict, unayoidable 
separation or abstinence caused by illness, 
pregnancy and other extrinsic factors. 

Our data concerning sex outside mar- 
riage further amplify our general finding 
that liberation has not cut sex loose froin 
significant personal relationships or from 
the institution of mai ге. As mentioned 
earlier, there is a small but distinct in- 
crease in the incidence of extramarital 
behavior among under25 males and a 
major increase among under-25 fema 
but a close look at the ovei 
an examination of how carly in marriage 
persons with extramarital experience be- 
gin ng it, makes us think that there 
is little lifetime change. What has hap- 
pened is that the males who will be un- 
faithful start being so earlier; as for the 
females, they apparently are on their way 
to catching up to the males in the inci- 
dence and earliness. But in the over-all 
picture, there is very little change thus 
far. The great majority of people still feel 
that love and sex are too closely inter- 
woven to be separable at will or for fun. 
Anywhere from 80 to 98 percent of the 
men and women in our study say that 
they or their mates would object to any 
kind of extramarital sex experience by 
their partners. And extramarital affa 
at least in the eyes of those who 
currently divorced, are related to the dis- 
integration of marriage—more than half 
of the divorced males and females who 
had had extramarital relations say that 
such activities caused their separations ог 
divorces. This is much the same range as 
Kinsey reported; apparently, for many 
contemporary persons—and certainly for 
most of those who have had ext 
relationships and whose marriages have 
subsequently broken up 


sexual activity 


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203 


PLAYBOY 


204 


"Oh, that, well—there's this dizzy blonde 
who lives in the apartment upstairs." 


outside marriage has lost none of its tra- 
ditional significance as a serious breach of 
ust and intimacy and as a major offense 
against their marital partne! 

Divorced persons, in the newly free c 
mate, are much more apt to be sexually 
active and experimental than their pre- 
cursors of a generation ago; and since 
many of them go through a stage of 
avoiding emotional entanglements—even 
while testing themselves sexually—they 
seem, at least on the surface, to fit the pic- 
ture of ШЕ s better th 
our premarital single people do. К 
reported, for insti 


sey 
ace, that four to 18 pe 
cent of his postmarital males under 56 
(he included widowers in this category) 
were sexually inactive, the figure being 
higher among older men, None of the 
divorced men in the Playboy survey 
are sexually inactive. Our divorced males 
have a median of eight. intercourse part- 
neis a year (there are no comparable Kin- 
sey figures), while our single white males 
under 25 have only L5 partners а 
and our single white males [rom 
have four. Kinsey reported that from 28 
10 61 percent of the divorced women and 
widows under 56 in his study were sex- 
ually inactive, depending on age. Only 
nine percent of the comparable divorced 
women in the Playboy survey are sexually 
inactive. Those who are active, moreover, 
havea median of 3.5 partners per year, as 
compared with only one partner for our 
single women under 25 and three for our 
single women from 25 to 34. 

It is in the phase of sexual testing, and 
avoiding emotional entanglement, t 
they often say things such as this you 
woman says: 


Y had always thought that sex with 
my husband was very good, but after 


we broke up and I was dating some 
older and really hip guys. 1 began to 
find ош what it was all about. One 
man | went out with for a while 
taught me how to be really aware of 
my body and my movements. Anoth- 
er man was so sensuous about every 
little detail that 1 became that way 
myself, One of the fellows I'm seeing 
now is getting me to sce the fim-and- 
games side of sex. My only problem 
is that 1 have this fear of gening 
trapped again. I hate being alone, 
but I get into a panic whenever I feel 
someone closing in on me or think 
Im leuing myself get too involved 
with someon 


But consonant with our other findings, 
liberation has not really sundered sex 
Irom emotion. even for the divorced, as is 
clear from the fact that four out of five 
of them eventually remarry, most of those 
s enduring for life. In ou 

moreover, it was often clear 
that much of the posimarital behavior of 
the divorced is aimed at the restoration of 
ego strength and iy а preparation for re- 
newed intimacy—when it can be fou 
The following narration by à m 
aged, formerly divorced man illustrates 
the point: 


in- 


1 was shaken up pretty badly by the 
breakup of my mariage. I didn't 
even date for half a year. Then | 
started in, and gradually got imo the 
sex thing. and realized that I'd been 
pretty stuffy and blocked as a sex 
partner up to then. I opened up and 
learned a hell of a lot from different 
; I had ball. But I 
didn't want to get too close to any- 
body, and I was honest about it—I 


wome 


always laid it right on the line, and 
those who didn’t like it got out, and 
those who did had a ball right along 
with me. There was one gal who'd 
been married to а homosexual and 
was really ripe, just like me: we went 
at it hot and heavy for a couple of 
years. Sometimes we'd screw for two 
or three hours, off and on, until we 
were so exhausted and hungry and 
thirsty that we had to stop and feed 
ourselves before we could get back to 
it. With her, I learned how to work 
up to it slowly and carefully and ex 
cite her in all sorts of little ways, and 
then, when I was finally in the sad- 
dle, pace myself so 1 could last for an 
hour, maybe, while she had one, two, 
three—or half a dozen—climaxes. It 
was great; it was good lile. 

I wasn't planning ever to marry 
again, but then I met a girl I liked, 
and more than liked. After a while, I 
realized she was someone 1 had 
thought existed anywhere. I didn't 
feel the least fear of geuing totally 
wrapped up in her, and she felt the 
same about me, Our sex was just 
finc—about as good as any I'd been 
having—but it was only part of the 
whole magoo, and we both knew 
after а few months that we just had 
to be married to each other. We've 
been married for ten years and we 
still feel the same. The sex is still 
fine, too—naturally, we don’t do it 
nearly as often as we used to and we 
don't шу to make it last as long, ci- 
ther, but it’s great anyway. It’s still a 
big thing in our lives and yet not a 
big thing in а way; 1 mean, it's not 
wh є thinking about or plan 
ning or working on all the time, it's 
just there, part of us, like breathing 
and sleeping. 


In those aspects of sexual behavior that 
we have viewed so far, we have found no 
evidence that sexual liberation has pro- 
duced sexual anomic. Despite the exten- 
sive changes that the liberation has made 
in the feeli Ame 
bout thei bout the le 
macy of maximizing sexual pleasure and 
about the acceptability and norm: 
of a wide variety of techniques of forep! 
and coitus, sexual liberation has not re- 
placed the liberalromantic concept of 
sex with the recreational one. ‘The lat- 
ter attitude toward sex now coexists with 
the former in our society, and in many a 
person's feeling, but the former remains 
the dominant ideal. While most. Ameri- 
cans— especially the young—now feel far 
freer than their precursors to he sensation- 
oriented, at times, rather than person- 
oriented in their sexual activities, for the 
great majority sex remains intimately 
allied to their deepest emotions and inex- 
wicibly interwoven with their concep- 
tions of loyalty, love and marriage. The 


that most ans have 


own bodies, 


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Has Determine 
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Warning: The Surgeon General 
i latest. i That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangero 
fi 1. 1 COT i 


PLAYBOY 


web of meaning and social structure that 

surrounds sex has been stretched and re- 

shaped; it has not been torn asunder. 
But sex supplies a vocabulary for love, 


and liberated Americans today use their 
greater freedom as a broader and more 
expressive language, as well as an end 
in itself. Educated, nondevout, politically 
liberal and white-collar people feel freer 
to use advanced techniques of foreplay, 
both expressively and sensuously, than do 
noncollege, devout, politically conserva- 
tive and blue-collar people. Yet, as we have 
noted already, the shift toward liberalism 
among the young is narrowing the gap. 
There is a dominant, ncar-consensus scx- 
ual cthicamong the young, despite the di- 
versity of their life styles. As an example, 
the older half of our sample, there is a 
wide gap between noncollege males and 
college-level males in the incidence of 
ngus, while in the younger half of 


our sample, morc men in each category 
have practiced cunnilingus and the gap 


has vanished; indeed, the noncollege men 
seem to have gone beyond the college 
men: 


CUNNILINGUS, EVER PERFORMED: ALL MALES 


Some college No college 
35andover 689; 50% 
Under 35 — 759; 8367, 


Actually, noncollege and college men 
under 35 probably are doser in their be- 
havior than these figures indicate: The 
dillerence shown is due to the fact that 
the noncollege men start coitus sooner 
and marry sooner, and so get around to 
cunnilingual activity earlier. 

Still more remarkable is our evidence 
that the buttocks, and even the anus—re- 
garded as crogenous and sexually attrac 
tive areas in many other cultues—are 
gaining some measure of sexual accept- 
ance among Americans. We do not find 
evidence of increased. perversion in this 
trend; there was no response in our sur- 
vey or interviews indicating obsessive 
anality or coprophilia and coprophiy 
(fecal fetishism), However, we do find that 


“Goody! You're making home movies! We thought 


you were showin, 


home movies!” 


rather large minorities of men and women 
have had at least some experience of non- 
pathological forms of anal stimulation. 
We did not determine how many persons 
respond strongly to such stimulation or 
employ anal foreplay regularly, but a 
sizable minority of younger Americans 
(almost a majority) and a small but meas- 
urable minority of older ones have experi- 
mented with such techniques as fingering, 
Kissing and tonguing of the anus, and, 
as mentioned earlicr, about a quarter 
of married couples under 35 engage in 
anal intercourse at least now and then. 
(In our youngest group—18 to 24—the 
cidence of anal techniques was not as 
high as in the 25-00-34 group: presumably, 
many of the former have not yet broken 
through early inhibitions but will do so.) 
Since the new freedom does not jcop- 
ardize the basic conception of marriage 
and does not disjoin sexuality from 
affection or love, sexual liberation has 
occurred hin a framework of cultural 
continuity. A genuine break with the past 
and a repudiation of all cultural values 
concerning sexual behavior, such as some 
sexual revolutionaries advocate, would 
have quite different 
Among the 

* Nonvaginal and nonheterosexual sex 
acts such as masturbation, sexual union 
with animals, sadomasochistic acts and 
homosexuality would replace vaginal 
coitus altogether for an increased number 
of persons, 

+ There would be a major increase in 
sexual acts that fundamentally alter the 
connection between sex and marriage, 
such mutually sanctioned extramari- 
airs, mate swapping and marital 


characte 


here would be a growing preference 
for sex acts that are devoid of emotional 
significance or that are performed with 
strangers, 

‘There is no evidence that any such rad- 
ical change, or such violent discontinuity 
with the past, has occurred. 

The Playboy survey found that sex 
acts with animals are actually less com- 
mon today than when Kinsey was taking 
histories. Only five percent of our total 
male sample and two percent of our total 
female sample have ever had any kind of 
sexual contact with animals; Kinsey's fig. 
ures were eight and 3.5 percent, respective- 


rity in contemporary humor and 
phy, we find them uncommon 
in reality: Only three percent of married 
men and fewer than one percent of mar- 
ried women, and ten percent of single 
men and five percent of single women 
have ever performed sadistic sexual acts: 
fewer than one percent of married men 


and two percent of married women, and 
six percent of single men and ten percent 
of single women have ever been on the 
masochistic end of an SM inte 
and very much smaller percentages of our 
whole sample have had sadistic or masoch- 
istic experiences in the past year. For 
most of these persons, such experiences 
have been very few in number. Finally, 
oral, anal and masturbatory methods of 
gratification have not been substituted, 
in any systematic or significant way, for 
vaginal intercoi 
We also found that the much-publi- 
cized sexual practices that greatly alter 
the relationship between sex and mar- 
riage are far less common than they are 
gencrally alleged to be. In our total sam- 
ple, only two percent of married males 
1 fewer than two percent of married 
females have ever participated in mate 
swapping with their spouses, and most of 
them on very few occasions. (The inci- 
dence was somewhat higher for younger 
couples—five percent of the husbands and 
two percent of the wives under 25 have 
practiced mate swapping; five percent of 
the husbands and a little more than one 
percent of the wives between the ages of 
25 and 34 have done so; but some of this 
activity seems to have taken place prior to 
аце) The incidence of secret exstra- 
intercourse, despite the popular 
impression that it is virtually universal, 
ot, as noted earlier, ased meas- 
urably for the over-all sample for either 
though it has risen moderately for 
under-25 males and markedly for under- 
25 females. The great majority of all 
married people, including the young, still 
re not inclined to grant their mates per- 
mission for overt extramarital sex acts. 
If sex had become devoid of emotional 
significance, we would expect to find an 
increase in recourse to prostitution and 
in group sex, especially with multiple 
partners. There is no increase in the use 
of prostitutes. As for multiple-paruner 
sex, only 13 percent of our married males 
and two percent of our married females 
have ever engaged in such activity, and 
most of this took place before marriage 
also, for two thirds of the married males 
and nearly all of the married females, 
there was only one such episode. Among 
our single people, there has been a little 
more of this kind of thing: Twenty-four 
percent of the single men and seven per- 
cent of the single women in the sample 
have had multiple-partner experienc 
but a third of the men and half of the 
women have done so only once. We did 
find that many persons today are willing 
don the privacy—at least on an 
experimental basis—that our culture has 
always held to be essential to sexual 
course: Eighteen percent of our m: 
males and six percent of our married fe- 
males have had sex in the presence of 


se. 


se 


nea 


others, although some part of this was 
premarital and, in any case, three quar- 
ters of all these persons have had only 
one such experience. An astonishing 40 
percent of our single men and 23 percent 
of our single women have had sex in the 
presence of others, but it is hardly a way 
of life, since nearly half of the men and 
more than three quarters of the women 
with such experience have done so only 
once. 


ally, in an attitude section of the 
questionnaire, we offered the statement 
"Sex cannot be very satisfying without 
some emotional attachment between the 
partners”; there was very little difference 
in the reactions of the various age groups, 
large or very large majorities of all of 
them agreeing with the statement—most 
of them stror 


1 
ism is the emergent id. the great 
majority of young Americans—and a fair 
number of older oncs—are trying to live 
up to. Sexual liberalism covers a broad 
range of possibilities, but essentially it 
combines the spontaneous and guilt-free 
enjoyment of a wide range of sexual acts 
with a guiding belief in the emotional sig- 
nificance of sexual expression: It identi. 
fics liberated sexuality as the expression, 
the concomitant or the precursor of 
monogamous heterosexual love, whether 
within or without marriage. 

We thus find our survey results contra- 
dicting what both the evangelists and the 
Cassandras of sexual liberation have been 
saying; we find ош ing with the 
more balanced apprai 
ociologists as Reiss and Erwin Smigela 
by psychologist Keith Davis, sexologist 
Isadore Rubin and other behavioral scien- 
tists, who say that there has been no cha- 
otic and anarchic dissolution of standards 
but, rather, a major shift toward some- 
what different, highly organized st 
t remain integrated with existing so- 
values and with the institutions of 
love, marriage and the family. 

This by no means belittles the scope or 
significance of the changes; it merely 
quantifies and defines them. The changes 
that have taken place are none the less 
aportant and profound for having done 
so within the culture rather than by 
breaking with it; indeed, they may be 
more valuable than total, radical change 
would be, for while they have brought 
(and are bringing) so much that is pl 
urable, healthful and enriching into 
American lile, they have done so without 
destroying emotional values that we 
hing 
lity of 


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addict after a minor operation; the opera- 
tion had not even been necessary. By the 
time Dr. Rokoff got him, he had sunk to 
the heroin dens Nantao. Dr. Rokoff 
was stabilizing his intake, trying at the 
same time to uncover the psychological 
roots of the addiction in the hope of en- 
abling him to overcome it, when the of- 
ficers' club cut off his morphine supply. 
“I'm sorry, Kostya," the head of the club's 
hospital had said, “the Japanese have re- 
duced our ration." Dr. Rokoff had had to 
go to the black market. Even so, Filipoff 
had broken off treatment. Where was he 
now? Dead 

He found a measuring tape in one of 
the drawers where Maria’s things still 
Tay untouched. “Hold both legs out. 


Straight.” The right leg was inch 
shorter than the left. 
He went back to his cha Phat piece 


of cloth doesn't do much good. 
“Te hurts less to walk.” 

What you need is a special shoe.” He 
wrote on his prescription pad. "Here. 
This man, I know him. It’s all explained 
here. Wear the shoes he makes for you for 
a few days, then come back to see me.” He 
held out the piece of paper and the enve- 
lope with the 60 American dollars. 

The girl shook her head vehemently. 
“Doctor, doctor, it's not for a shoe we 
came." 

“А shoe may be all you need." 

"What American will nce with mc 
with this leg? 

The stridency of her cry released a 
flood of resentment within him. This 
fever, this feverish wind blowing under 
the skirt of every virgin 
whore, young and old, rich 
in this famished Babylon of the China 
Coast, was it now searching out the last 
forlorn crannies of the Rus: 
and blowing the halt, 
to his office? He could h: 
everybody was hanging out signs—pr. 
CONSTANTINE ROKOFF, LATE OF THE CITY 
HOSPITAL OF KIEV, SIRAIGHTENS LEGS, 
GRAFTS ON ARMS AND SCREWS IN EYEBALLS 
FOR DANCING WITH THE AMERICANS. 

“Why do you need the money?” (What 
business was it of his? He was losing con- 
wol of himself. But she answered.) 

“To buy a gas stove.” 

“ome, now!” 

‘or three and a half years, we've had 
to make do with a kerosene cooker. It 
breaks, I hate it.” 

"Then buy a new kerose 
“We want a gas stove.” 
Mr. 

“Gorin. 
straighter. 
Kindly take this, and this.” He held 
out his prescription blank and the env 
lop. 

Gorin looked like a child pulled two 
ways in a grownups’ argument. 

“Dr. Rokoff!” the girl blazed at him. 


е cooker.” 


—ah——' 


The husband sat up even 


(continued from page 92) 


“The war is overl The Americans have 
arrived!” 

Dr. Rokoff bridled. “For us to grovel at 
their fect and scramble for their dollars 
and smile when they kick us aside?” 

“The Americans are not like that!” 

“What do you want?" 

“I don't want to rot." 

^We all rot. In Shanghai, Paris, San 
Francisco, New York, all Russian émigrés 
rot. We are people without a country. 
People without a country rot.” 

"People who have lost courage rot! I 
want an operation before it is too late.” 

“Courage? dkh, there is no such thing 
as people with courage and people with- 
out courage. Courage is a commodity, a 
talisman, a magic verse—it passes from 
hand to hand. You borrow a little cour- 
age from others of your kind to get you 
through the day. Our kind has spewed us 


or the French, with their precious little 
settlements and concessions—garden par- 
ties at which we ‘White Russians’ were 
the footmen, one step, we consoled our- 
selves, above the Chinese, the 'Chinks'? 
"Dr. Rokoli, 1 came to you about my 
leg and you're telling me about garden 
parties and footmen and- 
“Lisen to the doctor, Ninachk 
Gorin said respectfully. “He's right.” 
You see, your husband knows what I 
mean!” Exhilarated by the rush of words 
to his head, he yielded to the pleasure of 
talking seriously to somcone again, even 
though he knew he was rambling, “And 
now that it’s the Americans who are in 
charge, do you want me to go to them and 
say, “Kind sirs, though only a stateless per- 
son, I am a doctor and I want to practice 
my profession splendidly ? And 


after the Americans, we will doubt! 
see—oh, unth 


able!—the Chinese take 
over in Ch о what would you have 
me do—establish an expensive practice in 
abortions and fake nostrums and buy a 
passport on the black market for some ba- 
nana republic of South America and have 
my ears assailed by Spanish as well? Be- 
fore it’s too late, you said? For twenty-five 
years, it has been too late. Nothing can 
please us, there is no reason for anything, 
there is no future. Russia has spewed us 
nd our only function is to become 
extinct.” 

“Doctor! 1 am talking about my life 
and you quote me the words of a song to 
make fashionable tears with at émigré 
night dubs!” 

He laughed, delighted at being found 
out "You know that song? Alexandre 
Vertinsky sings it at that night club on Yu 
Yuen Road. ‘Someone clse's cities. And 
above them, someone else's star! Very 
beautiful." He realized he had been pac- 
ing between the desk and the window. 
His headache was gone. Nina was smiling 
up at him impishly. The unwelcome moil 


outside had invaded his room with an 
impish, kindred face. 

"'Doctoi 
“Yes. 
“Can the operation be don 
Yes." 

“Апа can you do 

He sat down. “This is how it is.” They 
craned forward as he sketched the opera- 
tion on his pad. showing where the bone, 
set incorrectly, had grown together at a 
slight angle, affecting the position of the 
foot during stance and gait. Operative 
treatment would call for breaking the 
bone again at the same place and realign- 
ing the bone fragments. A bone plate 
might be necessary. The leg would be 
kept in a plaster cast while the bone knit 
together again. 

“The same thing happened with the 
coloncl’s horse,” Gorin informed them. 

“Were you in the cavalry?” Dr. Rokoff 
asked. 

“Yes. Third Cavalry Regiment. I was 
the bookkeeper. In the beginning. In the 
end, I was taking care of the horses. 
There were no books to keep anymore. 

"Whose army? What was the gener 
пате?” 

Gorin pondered, then shook his head. 
“The colonel's horse broke its leg and the 
bone was badly set. The colonel had to 
shoot it." 

Nina frowned. “How long would the 
leg be in a cast? 

“Two months, at least. 

“And then? Would it be st 
again?" 

“Yes, if the fragments are realigned 
correctly.” 

"And the same length as the other 


ight 


leg? 
oye 
id the foot will stop hurting? 

“The tenderness should disapp 

“And will you do it?” 

Can you do it? Will you do it? It kept 
coming back to that. Hell, it had been 
all along. 
with the chase after the Ameri 
their dollars that had stiflencd 
her appeal, it was fear. He looked 
at them in wonderment. “Why, why did 
you come to me? 

"Al," Ge 
best. 


him 


said, “we wanted the 


"he best?" 

“My colleague at the warchouse, the 
able to get American dolla 
for us on the black m 
were the best doctor in Shangh: 
us how you saved his life.” 

"I saved his life?” 

“During the Revolution, doctor," Nina 
said. “You took a bullet out of his chest 
near the heart. His name is Ivanofl, Boris 
Vasilievich Ivanoff.” 

Ivanoff . .. such a common name. He 
was disappointed at not bcing able to 


one who w; 


«t, he told us you 


He told 


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FIND YOURSELF IN THE AIR FORCE. 


209 


PLAYBOY 


remember the man. “Where did йз... 
exploit take pla 

In the province of К 
said.” 

‘Ah, yes, he could remember the field 
hospitals in Kazan. But that would have 
been 25 years ago. What kind of doctor 
had he been since, unable to preserve his 
own infant daughter from the cholera ep- 
idemic, unable to save his own wile 
ing to question the diagnosis of stom: 
ulcers by that speci: 
so swiftly!—it was too late, when a s 
ple hysterectomy could have saved her? 
And what kind of doctor had he become 
the past three years, since the Filipoff 
affair? He wanted to tell them: “Dear 
good pcople, don’t you know what they 
say about Constantine Rokoff on that 
black market where your friend got you 
those American doll 
anything over the g 
cers of jam at the Ren: 

What could he have done? Filipoff had 
blabbed. Soon other addicts were coming 
to see him, Should he have turned them 
away, abandoned them to Nantao? А 
other evasion! Surely some providence i 
which he no longer believed had sent tl 
strangely matched. couple into his room 
to wake him up! The stoici h which 
he had watched the loss of his reputation, 
as his regular practice shi 
scended to what he wa: lispenser 
of injections that could not be had 
other doctor's office in the colony; the 
comfort he took in working among the 
most wretched of his fellow exiles, giving 
them some hope at least of slugging their 
way back to health; the point of honor he 
made of not charg yone more than 
he could pay ng anything at 
all if he was penniless; his own slide into 
virtual penury—was not all this a pre- 
tense, a way ofavoiding the truth: that he 
had wanted to escape from the demands 
of his work as general practitioner, that 
he wanted to have his license revoked? 

“Mrs. Gorin.” 

“Yes, doctor. 

“I will perform the operation.” 

He had never seen such radiance in 
anyone's eyes. 


n, I think he 


Ilya Stepanych Gorin climbed the 
broad curving stairway to the Arizona 
He was carrying on a conversation in 
d with Dr. Rokoff. “Dr, Коко, 
you appear to assume”—the words were 
fall i “you 
appear to assume that to be a professional 
dancer in a respectable business like the 
Arizona Bar is synonymous with ... that is, 

is respectable, 
nd І don't mind admitting that I am 
to take a look for myself- " The 
prickly silver light in his eyes and the 
crazy music tearing at his eardrums inter- 
rupted his train of thought and he found 
himself in a dim, crowded dance hall with 


210 high balconies and huge distorted faces 


carved out of shiny rosy glass beaming 
down on the dance band at the back. 
A whitegowned Chinese waiter came 
through the crush. "Wanchec table? Wan- 
chee dancing girl?’ 
Gorin gaped. Here were the American 
soldiers and sailors who paid so well for 
being danced with. They made up per- 
haps half the men on the dance floor. 
The others, both whites and Chinese, 
danced in the normal the foks- 
1101, as it was called in Russian (the 
word, he bel d, was borrowed from the 
English). But the Americ held theii 
partners at arm's length, twirling them 
around in a strange, offhand manner. It 
must be, he thought, the dance of il 
cowboys. "Wanchee Chinese girl?’ the 
waiter asked. “Loshian girl? Portuguee?” 
A few feet away, an American soldier 
flung his partner away from him and 
turned his back on her in sudden міо. 
lence. Gorin started forward to catch her 
hefore she fell, thinking at the same in- 
stant that Nina could not work het fter 
all: Ameri 
di 
and, as the room drowned in a screaming 
beat from the bandstand 
tesque masks overh 
to pulsating red, his hand and the gi 
made a perfect fit and miraculously they 
were some distance away, the Chinese girl 
arched in another spin, smirking up at 
the placid face of the soldier. “Want 
Flench girl?” the waiter asked; then, los- 
ing his patience: “Wei 
n took off his pince-nez. 
nquired, in English. 
rs," the waiter said, and he left 


trizona 


spellbound by the gyrations 
on the dance floor. Ekh, Пуа Stepanych, 
s just a dance, and you imagined good- 
ness knows what, No wonder Dr. Rokoff 
thought you were a little... ппп-йа. "Dr. 
Rokoff: You also evidently assume 
Nina married me only because of her 
Permit me to inform you that when 
1 arrived in Shanghai from Harbin 
before the skating accident—before the 
accident, mark you!—she brought a letter 
to me—yes, to mel—from her mother, ask- 
ing me to look out for her. Her mothe 
you may not have heard, is an actress of 
great talent.” He recalled the orderly 
world backstage at the Ru 
Theater in Harbin, where he was in 
charge of the pulleys. His colleagues, the 
actors and actresses, all treated him with 
respect. 
"Wanchee 
e 


table?" It was another 


itated at the interruption. 
“I... looking . . . Arizona Bar." The 
waiter led him to the bottom of a st: 
case and pointed up. As he climbed the 
stairs, he wished he had not come. On the 
landing above, there was another door, 
another waiter. Summoning his best 
English, he said, “I... want tlk... 
manager.” 


With the door closed behind him, the 
insensate music snapped off. The room 
seemed dark and empty, until his eyes 
adjusted themselves to the pink glow of 
the small table Lamps (right before him, 
a woman's bare shoulder!) and his ears 
caught a murmur of voices and the sl 
ery notes of a piano. The waiter led him 
to an alcove where there was more light. 
A man, a white man, said, “Yes, I am the 
ager. What is the troubl 
h? Somcone making trouble?” An 
n officer sitting next to him lift- 
ed a flushed, handsome, noJonger-voung 
face. 

"Usual thin 
“Huh?” 


to Gorin, “1 am not giving 
any more, I have with Chicf Inspector. 
Wong the matter arranged.” 

"Out," said the American. "We don't 
need any cops in this place. ‘This god- 
damn corruption in this goddamn coun- 
got to stop. And I'll tell you who's 
Uncle Sam." 
uddenly understood. They 
thought he was а policeman. Because of 
his watchman's uniform. He had to wear 
it because he had stopped off on the way 
to work. He bowed to the American offi- 
cer. “Sir. How do you do? I watchman. 
Night watchman, Jardine Matheson 
Company. 
Sprechen. Sie Deutsch?" the manager 
ked. Gorin didn't understand. “Russe? 
Russian? 

Ahi—yes. Roshian.’ 

“Hey,” the American gripped his glass. 
said beat it. 

No. no, major," the manager said. 
“He is not from the police. He is a. . . 
nobody.” 

Gorin chuckled with ple: 


sure at hav- 


ing been mistaken for a policeman, and 
behind the 
iting for 


he looked ind him, F 
row of Russian bar girls w 
customers stared at him expr 
He tumed back to the American. “Sir. 
My wife want work Arizona Bar. Dance.” 
He brought out Nina’s pictur 


"What's he saying?” the 
asked. 

“He i 
here,” the mana 


"He's asking what?” 

"M his wife can work bel 
here. Or dancing. Or perhaps with y 
jor?" 

"Hey, you a Kraut?” 

“I am Cherman, major, but anti-Hider 
since 1934." 

“You mean this joker here is 
his wife can work here! 
in nodded. “Wife. Picture, My 
" He leaned over the table and hand- 
ed him the picture. 

‘The American looked at it for a long 
time. Then he looked at him and said 


d the bar 


asking if 


"We think the Government has some nerve sending a 
female to check our tax returns!" 


PLAYBOY 


212 


slowly, “Why, you poor bastard. You poor 
astard. 

A dancing couple brushed by. A sprin- 
kle of notes came from the piano. Gorin 
was transfixed by the look of profound 
compassion on the American's face. His 
chest tightened. He wanted to grab the 
American's hands and say, “Thank you, 
brother, for understanding.” But what 
there was to understand began forcing its 
way up again and he could not speak. He 
ed weakly at a Chinese waiter with a 
y of drinks. After the waiter was gone, 
he turned his congealed smile on the Rus- 


an shout, "Hey, 
ble look 
was gone from the American's face. Gorin 
accepted a glass. “Siddown!" He sat down- 
The manager scemed displeased. “This 
picture is not satisfactory. It is only show- 
g the face. It is not showing the figure. 
The legs. 
"Right" 


the American said. "How 
bout it, Ivan? Her legs any good?” 

Ah, yes." The drink burned, burning 
away the tightness in his chest. Gorin sel- 
dom drank. “Yes. Leg good. Dr. Rokoff 
fix.” 

He turned to the bar girls and said in 
Russian, “Опе leg was bent, you sce. Di 
Rokoff has straightened it. Dr. Rokoft is 
a remarkable manipulator of fragments, 
though in other matters he tends toward 
xaggeration," 

Everything seemed to be getting noi 


icr, and there were more people danc- 
ing. The Amer 


an and the manager were 
ion. They were arguing, 
s sure, about whether to employ 
ina. There was a full glass in his hand. 
He got up and went to the bar. "Where is 
the need for this exaggeration?” he de- 
manded of the bar Га good and 
decent woman wishes to improve her fi- 
nancial situation by dancing, is there any 
need to assume that... . That is what I 
should have put to Dr. Rokofll Yes, I 
should have!" The faces were a row of 
painted, powdered stone. He swallowed 
there of the drink. The warmth was 
spreading. It calmed him down. The girls 
were smiling and he smiled in response. 
There were some American officers at the 
bar now and the girls were smiling and 
drinking with them. Then the American 


who had been at the table was standing 
next to him, Nina’s picture was in front 


of him on the bar. Gorin gripped the 
Americin’s hands in his, saying, “Spasibo, 
bratyets. Thank you, brother, thank you.” 
The American was saying something he 
could not understand and, in his bad 
English, Gorin tried to explain to him 
his real plan about Nina and the Arizon 
Bar, not the plan of the gas stove but the 
other plan, his private plan, which he 
would tell her about after she got the job 
here and they saved a little money. 

‘They would use the money to go back 
to Harbin—yes!—where Nina was born 


and her mother was still living, and they 
would make a new life there, because 
there were stables there and he knew 
horses from the time of the White / 
The American looked sober and un- 
friendly. He had placed an American 
bank note next to Nina's picture on the 
bar and was saying something. Gorin 
could make out “Five dollars, huh?” but 
he would not listen. He told him how li 
friend Ivanoff had promised to write to 
Harbin and arrange for a job for him and 
he would earn plenty of moncy himsclfÉ— 
himself, yes!—he pushed the bank note 
away—because he knew how to take care 
of horses and Nina would not ave to 
dance with anyone. The Amer 
a second bank note on the bar 
something sharply, demandi 1 an- 
swer, but Gorin did not understand, he 
Шу would not listen, as he told the 
n his bad English how the gas 
stove was only the excuse and they would 
go back to Harbin and there they would 
be happy aga 


Nina lay in the women’s ward of the 
Club of the Officers of the Imperial Rus- 
sian Army and Navy. It had been the 
whist room at one time: the men’s ward 
was contained with difficulty in the for- 
mer ballroom and billiard room. The hos- 
pital had begun as a clinic in a comer of 
the building, but as the officers and their 
wives and other relatives began to fail, 
the white iron beds marched slowly across 
the building, driving the card and bil- 
liard tables and the ballroom furniture 
into the basement. 

Afternoon sunlight buttered the scab- 
biness of the walls, Some of the other 
women sat on the edge of their beds in 


gray y nightshirts, staring, 
conversation, a hypnotic singsong 


on the theme of those of their circle who 
had died or gave promising signs of dying 
(Da, mátushka, da, and our turn is com- 
nd our turn is near”), would not re- 
sume until closer toward evening. Nina 
turned back a page of her notebook and 
reread what she had just written: 


My dear Friend! 

Iam writing you from a funny lit- 
tle hospital in Shanghai, Really, 1 
must tell. N. about it the next time 
1 visit Florence; he must put it into 
one of his novels. The hospital is 
attached to (you would ncver guess) 
4 club of czarist officers. Sometimes 
in the evenings you can hear a shout 
from the billiard room. “Yellow ball 
in corner pocket—bouf!" Just like 
Chekhov's Cherry Orchard. Other 
evenings the generals and their wives 
and daughters arrive in their uni- 
forms and their finery, and the strains 
of the waltz and the mazurka keep 
me pleasantly awake late into the 
night. Some of the women in my 
room were ladies in waiting at the 


court in St. Petersburg, and the talk. 
is all of the balls and flirtations and 
gossip o£ those days. 


"The only trip Nina had ever made 
the 22 years of her life was from Harl 
to Shanghai, and the letter, like the other 
letters in the notebook, and in all the 
other notebooks locked away in a drawer 
at home, was not addressed to anyone she 
knew. In the novels, novellas and short 
stories that filled the Russian-émig: 
brary in Harbin, the heroines of some of 
her favorite books wrote to kindred spi 
its, favoring the salutation "My dear 
Friend"; so haut monde, it seemed to Н 
its very tactfulness bespeaking worlds 
of intimacy. She liked to write late iı 
the evening, in bed. "Write, Ninachk: 
write,” Gorin would say reverently, 
ing up from his stamp albums. 
your mother my regards.” She had told 
him they were letters to her mother in 
Harbin. 


Just two days ago, a famous doctor 
xepaired my stupid leg. It lies there 
in front of me in its plaster cast, like 
a great. big cocoon, hurting a little, 
but that’s fine—the doctor says a 
little pain is normal after an oper- 
ation. It means my leg is knitting 
together, healing, getting ready for 
my new life. 


(The Alps. She, Nina, flying on s 
Rolf in pursuit. The French Rivier 
spray of foam. René's enamored face. 
New York. Fifth Avenue! Hobbling 
down the sameness of some Shang 
street, she would stop sometimes and 
close her eyes and let the sunlight pry 
them ever so slightly apart. Seen through 
the golden haze of her eyelashes, the street 
would lose its familiar look. Wall and 
pavement would tremble and dissolve 
and the shimmer would be her longed- 
th Avenue. She imagined st: 
а jauntiness in her step, a crystal 
line feeling. Up ahead, Bob stood waiting 
impatiently by a founta 

'Okh, hot" The woman 
worked her bare, purple-veined fect o 
the wooden floor. “Hot. Even the floor 

Nina looked away. The sight of those 
feet under that tent of a nightshirt always 
brought out the room's sour smell. 

The woman was starting on her. “Your 
husband is late today, isn't he?"—craftily. 

lIyusha, Poor Hyusha 

Comes every day, ch? But late today, 
isn't һе?” 

How was she to tell hi 
him? 

"Never learned to talk, eh?” 

“Leave her be, leave her be, mátushka'" 
—the dirgelike voice from the 
‘She'll lie here а few months, she'll learn 
to talk, she'll learn.’ 

n the widow of an offi not 
to be insulted in this fashion! Who do you 
imagine you are?” the woman bellowed. 
“Js your husband an officer?" The young 

(continued on page 216) 


1 she was leav 


© Lorand 1972 


Micronite filter. 
Mild, smooth taste. 
For all the right reasons. 


р Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
0 | mg. “ter,” 11 mg. nicotine; That Cigarette Smoki ngerous to Your Health. 
00's. 19 mg. “tar,” 13 т. nicotine av, per cigarette, ЕТС Report Feb. 73. 


214 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


UP AGAINST THE WALL 
In this age of overkill, the poster has become cliché decor. 
Stroll into any head shop and what do you see? Mark Spitz with a 
chestful of gold. Raquel Welch with a chestful of chest. 
Ho-hum. If it's gen-u-ine posters you're after, try Miscellaneous 
Man at 1728 Thames Street, Baltimore, Maryland—a unique 
store that boasts an exceptionally large collection of original 
graphics, ranging from ancient circus and vaudeville 
broadsides (the one below costs $70) to recruiting bills from various 
wars. Miscellaneous Man’s latest catalog of over 300 19th and 
20th Century posters and related arcana costs just a buck and even 
listsa rare preblende pinup of Marilyn Monroe. 


THE CLIEFORD 


VAKEUSE DE S4 
тозт SES 


MOUNTAIN OFF THE PORT BOW! 
We're not quite sure how a top-notch seamanship 
school ended up in Boulder, Colorado, but no 
matter. The Seafarer School on Sugarloaf Road 
offers an extensive selection of correspondence 
courses, ranging from Basic Boating Skills ($40) 
to Air Navigation ($295), as well as a marine 
clearinghouse service designed to aid boat 
sellers, buyers, charterers, traders, owners and 
crew members in contacting one another. With 
tuition you'll receive navigational tools, charts, 
tables, etc. From there on, it's just you 
with the wind and the rain in your armchair. 


FIAT FLAT OUT 
No, the Х1/9 is not some inscrutable algebraic puzzler that de- 
fies you to solve for X. It's Fiat's new Bertone-bodied, mid-engined 
two-seater sports car—obviously imported to give the Porsche 914 
arun for its money. Looking vaguely like a Model 128 stretched 
thin, the X1/9 costs about $3500 and features four-speed synchro- 
mesh transmission, four-wheel disk brakes, rack-and-pinion steering, 
all-round independent suspension and a 1290-c.c. engine that 
will push you to a maximum speed of about 105 mph. Furthermore, 
Fiat gives you the choice of many colors, has incorporated a 
roll bar into the rear window structure and, best of all, also has 
thrown in a removable roof panel for all you breezy riders. 


SILENT TREATMENT 


In case you haven't heard, Holly Woodlawn, 
transvestite star of Andy Warhol's Trash, has 
attempted to pick up where Theda Bara left 

off. Currently in the can is a 24-minute 
black-and-white silent drama, Broken Goddess, 
in which Holly not only stars but steals the show. 
(He/she’s the only character.) Goddess is the first 
production of director Peter Dallas’ Immortal 
Films, a company dedicated to restoring “glamor 
and elegance to the American screen,” and will 
be released with Blonde Passion, a forthcoming 
silent tale of love and insanity starring 

Candy Darling. We're speechless. 


THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC 
Does your Sumerian Libation Cup leak? 
Does your angel-sleeved hooded ceremo- 
nial robe have a nasty rip in it? Has your 
King Tutankhamen Scarab Ring lost its 
zing? Despair no more, you witches, war- 
locks and weirdos of the cosmos—this is 
your chance to come out of the closet in 
style. The Warlock Shop (300 Henry 
Street, Brooklyn, New York) will supply 
your every whim and fancy, however 
imacabre, by mail order, no less. And for 
prices even you can afford. (Their 
catalog's 50 cents.) May the powers of 


COAT OF PAINT 


Here's an item that will keep you warm, 
make you new friends and even serve 
asa hedge against inflation. Ready? 

It’s Charles Densler's hand-painted 
Turkish sheepskin coat, which comes in 
two lengths, long ($1000) and three- 
quarter ($750), as well as four sizes— 

S, M, L and XL. Densler, who's at 213 
W. 85th Street, Manhattan, will custom- 
ize each coat to the design you choose, 
from an Art Deco cityscape to a monkey 
on your back—or you can let him do 

his own thing. Come summer, 

you hang it on the wall. 


Earth, Air, Fire and Water smile upon you. 


LIGHTS! CAMERA! 


HELMET! 
Occasionally, we all engage in 
some spectacular activity that 
we'd like to cinematically record 
for posterity. Sky diving, perhaps. 
Powder skiing. Jumping into bed. 
Sure, you can hold a movie cam- 
era in yourhot little hands. 

Or you can pull on a balanced 
Point-of-View camera helmet 
(8mm, Super 8 or 16mm) and 

let the action rip. POVs have 
already been utilized in a 

number of movies and TV shows. 
At $89.95 from Gilbert-Waugh 
Productions, 3518 Cahuenga 
Boulevard West, Hollywood, Cali- 
fornia, the helmet’s one sure way 
to put an audience in your shoes. 


HAVE A BALL 


Every weekend for two months, 
art professor George Bucher 
drove 65 miles from his home in 
Freeburg, Pennsylvania, to 

New Holland, where Sperry Rand 
had given him space to work 

on his sculpture—a 12-foot-high 
sphere (appropriately titled Ball), 
created by winding 117,000 feet 
ofbaler twine onto a wire frame 
and then painting the layers 

with polyester, If you'd like a pint- 
sized son of Ball for your art 
gallery, Bucher is accepting com- 
missions for various sizes, 
commencing from three feet in 
diameter at $350. “Ball is almost 
like a focal magnet," he com- 
ments. “It’s difficult to stand 

near it and not be attracted.” Any- 
thing you say, George, but we'd 
rather not stand too near. , . . 


SPLIT DECISIONS 


The racing teams of Vince Grana- 
telli, Roger Penske and Mario 
Andretti all swear by them... and 
Prince Philip owns one in gold. 
It’s the Accusplit-I digital stop 
watch—the greatest invention 
since the second hand for people 
who want to know how fast 

men and/or machines are moving. 
The hand-sized quartz-crystal 
Accusplit measures action to 2 
hundredth of a second, features 
two modes for intermediate tim- 
ings, weighs only 15 ounces and 
comes in three casings: high- 
impact plastic ($199.50), alumi- 
num ($250) and spun gold 
($275). То order one, write 
ТАЕСО, Box 296, Los Altos, 
California. Тісі... tick... tick. 


218 


PLAYBOY 


216 


WHEN THE AMERICANS CAME 


intern came in with the tea: Ni 
the dinking of spoons in glasses 
regiment is he i 
is my butter?" 
Eat your by 
butter is on the bre: 


id. “The 


“the ii 
1. There are no re 


"ern 


1 him place a glass and реце 


hit table, "How is the | he 
ed him “Oh. it’s fine" 
“You mean there's less pain than. yes- 


dh. Well... a little more, perhaps.” 
well have a litle more medica- 


“Where, I am аук 
the next bed de 


" the woman in 
ded. “is the butter? 
Where is the butter on this bread?” She 
chewed loudly 

Nina turned her face back to the wall. 
Dear God, how was she to tell him? 

(71 had to." she said. 
"T know," Bob said. 
“I had to leave li 
at the way I love yor 
“Lunderstand. Don’t cry.” 
Bob and she stood against the railing 


But I do love him. 


on board the President Coolidge. The 
paper ribbon wound around her index 
finger snapped: it quivered across the 
yellow water, entwined in all the other 


ribbon K to the wharf, where, indis- 
tinguish ow in the receding crowd, 
Hyusha held the other end. 

Bob and she were in the bridal 
In the velvet darkness, the ocean 
pered: a gleam of moonlight sculpt- 
ed his smooth young back as his dress 
shirt fell to the floor. She turned her head 
away on the pillow, her heart beating 
fearfully.) 

The scene was bloued ош. Nina 
opened her eyes. She still felt her heart 
beating, She felt flushed and. moist. She 
closed her eyes a; 

(The glow of their cigarettes in the 
dark. Happiness like a deep quiet pool 
п her heart. "Dear," Bob said, deeply 
noved, “why didn't you tell mi 
“I was ashamed.) 

And yet she had not set out to withhold 
herself from Gorin. “Sleep. Ninach 
sleep.” he had said the night she n 
nto his room after the priv попу 
in Father. Nikodim's vestry, as he spread 
an army blanket for himself on the floor. 
She had for am older man's 
delicacy of feeling toward an 18-year-old 

in. Buta month passed and they were 
er aud daughter, or like mother 
and child. She thought it her wifely duty 
to talk to him about it, but that seemed 
only to frighten him. She embraced him, 
and he held onto her 


c cere 


and presently was 
sleep. and they did not talk of it again, 
own relief. He had never been 
I, though he was already past 50. 

(She told Bob all of this now. There had. 
been boys in Harbin, but she had never 


(continued [rom page 


dreamed of giving herself to any of them. 
Her true life was not to begin until she 
ped. Her mother had placed he 
ary boar 


ng for Americi. Her father? Oh, he 
musician, And a Don Juan, her 
mother said, He had disappeared before 
she was five. She remembered him in his 
black sable coat, standing with her one 
evening outside the Harbin opera house 
smoking a long, perfumed cigarette. She 
remembered the laughter of the men and 
women coming out of the banquet room 
of the Hotel Moderne: one of the men 
gold ruble. Har 
of the Orient, they called it: а refuge for 
all the wealth and privilege that had been 
thrown across the Chinese border by the 
her birthplace: who reme 
bered it now? And where was the laugh 
1 the glamor by the time she grew 
up? p wvasion of Mandiuria 
had killed it, Time had killed it. Every- 
one who could leave had left. And she? 

They said to me: There is Shangl 
You must go to Shanghai. There are ships 
Shanghai for every corner of the world. 
So that is what I dreamed of and that is 
where I went, and three weeks a 
. the nese attacked. Pearl Har- 
bor. Shanghai was cut olf. And 1 broke 
my leg. I thought: The war will go on and 
ou, you are a cripple, now you will never 
catch up. Give up. give up, give up 

Bob held her tenderly. 

“Iyusha saved me. Î agreed to many 
him, 1 had nowhere to turn, He said, 1 
know I am 100 old for you. But if you 
would let me take care of you. . . 

The scene shifted 
Bob were standing at the ship's 
On the pier, a Filipino band was pl 
Aloha. Bob was reading her the sl 

Kong. Manila. Guam 
2 ble days 
San Francisco. Hyusha cime toward 
ming 
the 


ve hér + the Paris 


Кто when she and 
ling. 


late 
them through the crush. He was w 


his old raincoat. which belted at 
wail d he looked 
guished and military. He 
lands and he embraced her. 

She began to сту. "Ilyusha, dear Il- 
yusha, tell me Em selfish, tell me it was 
heartless of me to divorce you. Tell me 
s wrong of me and I'll stay!” 

Hyusha said, “Nina. Ninachka. List 
И, for a kindness, you miss your life, you 
will never forgive yourself, or me.” 

And you, Hyusha? What will you do?" 

He told her, smiling pinkly, rather 
pleased with the cleverness of it, but she 
could not make him out. She could see his 
face over the heads of the people jostli 
between them, his lips carefully fran 
the words "Understand? Understan 
but she could not hear him above the 
noise of the crowd drawing him away.) 
"she exclaimed. 
was standing by her bed. He 


hka. 


- No, no, I wasn't asleep." Still, 
the hubbub of the crowd. But 
gger of the rain 
coat, in irs place the washed-out waich 
mans blue, so tame on ihe shoulders, 
so tight. so pathetically tight about the 
neck, Ir probably hurts him. It hadn't oc- 
curred to lier before. “Did you have some- 
thing to c. 
"Oh, yes. The cooker works very well." 
He sat down. She could sce he was flus- 
tered. “What is it, Hyus 
—ah—1 have arranged. matters with 
the people at the A 
You went there?” 
“I stopped by. They have 


on 


reed to em- 
ploy vou. It seems а pleasant enough 
place.” 

She hoped he had not complicated 
things for her. [t didn't matter. There 
were plenty of other bars. (She closed her 
eyes again. 10 see the time Bob and she 
first met. She was sitting behind the b. 
when he came up, the wings of the Ameri- 
сап Air Corps shining on his chest. He 
id. Hello. look like 
others. 
“Hello. You don't, e 
"Will you dance wi 
She felt guilty, with Hyusha beside her. 
^d opened her eyes Nyusha looked 
—ah—was not entirely honest 


the 


with you 
“What is it, my dear?” 
“The cooker, as always, is a misery. 
“I knew that oom was very still. 
They were all 
fter this is over. ib 
thing—" He wrung his 


re is some: 
nds in the ef- 
B. 


yot 
He was putting money aside t0 buy her 
a pair of dancing shoes, if she knew him. 
back and looking at his dear, kind 
face, she prew hi the kind of sad- 
ness she had known as a child, waiting to 
be discovered in some wrongdoing. The 
time she had snipped off the dog's whisk- 
me back to her. Mama. she thought, 

s. Lam so unhappy. 


wi 


as 
close to t 


Rokoff's telephone, reinstalled 


Ow a 


ess in the Inter 
with influential English and 
friends, awakened him at iwo in 
morning. 
the doctor took him at first 
jeerers in the street below. Dr. 
having resumed advertising in il 
cal directory in the White Russi 
Novaya Ратуй (The № 
given up sleeping in the 
his glutinous dreams, after leaving him 
for a whil eturning at night. He 
had been dreaming that he had p 
his shabby walls a dean b 

riched the room with the East Ind 


the 


The caller sounded spiteful: 
one of the 


Коко. 


п). 
fternoons, 


иней 
nd en- 


ipe 


“He certainly chose a great last breakfast.” 


217 


PLAYBOY 


218 curb, everyth: 


"Can't you damn dudes get anything straight?" 


tapestry that used to hang in his office 
Kiev. Yet the walls were bloated with 
nd the beige was running leprous 
to the floor. He searched about fora bucket 
when half the ceiling 
the street collapsed, leaving him full 
view of the people in the street. It was 
then that the telephone rang, and it took 
him a moment to realize that it was the 
young intern calling from the hospital. 

Dr. Rokoff went back to his couch and 
lay down. He gave himself five minutes of 

» doi nor thinking any- 
thing. 

He had to walk to the hospital. In the 
erted streets, the Chinese shop fronts, 
rded up for the night, looked like a 
cated for departure. 
been off in the reali; 
ment? No, he would have spotted it in 
the postoper . Ап infection, 
after all? ways a small chance 
of that in the best of operating rooms, 
and converted. clubroom. . . . 
No, he had operated in peasant huts 
and he had never been more careful. He 
Kicked a stone; if it reached the opposite 
would be all right. It 


d the wall fronting 


had to be all right. There was nothing 
wrong in the way he had broken and 
reset the bone, nothing! The jeep was 
Imost on him before he saw it. Too late 
to jump back. He thought: There it is; 
it isn’t a question of realignment or in- 
fection, it is in general too late. But 
instead of smashness and oblivion, the 
screech ended in nothing: the street still 
there, the close-up face of an American 
soldier at the wheel of a jeep skidded 
skew and touching him with a fender. 
From under a visored doth cap, tranquil 
eyes in a strong, broad face regarded him. 
quizzically. Dr. Rokoff felt foolish. 

“Lam sony,” he said. 

“Thats all right,” the American said. 
“This is China. You walk in the middle of 
the street and drive on the sidewalk— 
naturally.” 

"b am looking for—how you say2— 
pebble. 

“Oh, sure, n't no law 
against huntin’ down a pebble in the 
shank of the night.” 

A magnanimous giant in a children's 
book. What was he saying? The Ame 
cans were a new breed of теп, а young. 


a pebble, Shoot 


people uncorrupted by defeat. If he shook 
this American's hand, some of their new 
strength would flow into him and it 
would not be too late. He stepped around 
the front of the jeep. “Please. Permit 
me” But with а grating of gears, the 
jeep shot away. 

The intern was waiting for him beside 
Nina's bed. Dr. Rokoff cut open the plas- 

ast. "Mama!" Nina said in a high, 

ar voice. "I didn't mean to do itl" The 
smell hit him 

The operation was performed very 
successfully by Dr. Коко, with Dr. 
Steinberg, driving halfway across the city, 
assisting. Gorin stood waiting outside the 

ating room, where the two doctor 
jackets hung from the clamps of an empty 
billiard-cue rack. This must be the former 
rd room, he kept telling himself. 
But how could it be, when Nina told him 
the billiard room was now the men's 
ward? Maybe they moved the billiard 
room here first. Then, after a few years, 
they had to move it down into the bas 
ment, That was probably it—yes. He 
started in panic when Dr. Коко and an- 
other man in white passed by, but they 
did not notice hı 

Kostya,” the other man said, " 

give you a liti?" 

Dr. Коко stood by the window, stir- 
ing into the gray morning. 

“Kostva,” Dr. Steinberg said, "how 
1 since we worked togeth- 
ed. 


an I 


Not now. Good- 


“You never performed a better oper: 
tion, Kostya." 

“Volodya, 1 beg of you 

“Listen to me. Nobody could have fore- 
seen it." 


n found his voice. "Dr. Ro- 
Dr. Rokoff turned around, His face 
was unrecognizable. 


“Wait!” Dr. Steinberg commanded. 
“Are you—" He took Gorin by the 
elbow. "You must try to understand. The 
very best of doctors cannot 
The fact is, y 
i at the press 


wound. There was no choice 

“Volodya, go" 

“But to amputate.” 
Gorin sink to the floor, propped 
айм. the cue rack. He could see Dr. 
Rokoff’s white stubbly face before him 
nd he could hear him saying, “Gorin, my 
brother, before God I am guilty. Some- 
thing was bound to have gone wrong. For 
me, the Americans arrived too late. What 
brought you to me?" But the voice was a 
dry rustling in his ears and the morning 
light was unreal, and it was lamplight 
again before he stood bewildered beside 
ina's bed, afraid to look any lower than 
her bright, cheated eyes. 


CANADIAN 
| MIST 
| d 


Ty m ORRIN ias beco 
У Imported Can ian Mists wo. 


м 


CANADIAN WHISKY--A BLEND, 80 OR 86.8 PROOF, BROWN-FORNAN | DISTILLERS IMPORT CON NY, N.Y., N.Y. © 1973 


PLAYBOY 


220 


d e 2101012 
ERB RA onica or paee 17) 


8 


10. 


to Attorney Herbert Kalmbach: 
A. "Мога 
thanks.” 
B. "Something here is not kosher.” 
C. "Are these guys Hoydelman and 
Oydelman strictly kosherz 
D. “A kosher pickle is a thing of 
beauty.” 
Jeb Magruder, in describi 
“inured” the White House h: 
come to lawlessness, admitted 


е kosher boy like me, 


his 
own crimes but said he'd been influ- 


enced by the c 
. The Incre 
B. Gordon Liddy 
С. James Bond and Mission: 
possible 
D. his former m 
sor of ethics 
The testimony of Liddys secretary 
was memorable for litle except the 
t that she had a musical name. 
Her name was Sally: 
A. Melody 
B. Harmony 
C. Zappa 
D. Moog Synthesizer 
n advised that other 
оу refute his 
mony, repeatedly avowed that his 
“only ally” was: 
A. truth 
B. integ 
С. Allah 
D. Mescalito 


Im- 


ter and profes- 


Ehilichman testified that the FBI had 
not pursued the Fllsberg investiga- 
tion bec I. 


ously 
H 5 


А. “just friends" with Ellsberg's 
mother-in-law 

B. “close friends" with Ellsberg's 
father-in-law 

C."constant companions" with 
Ellsbei chiatrist 

D. Бе ied at the timc 


13. A shocking phrase was used in the 
“enemies list" where it 
gested that Federal age 
be manipulated so as to 
our political enemi 
A. feel up 
B. get a little nooky off 
C. penetrate with deep, sensuous 
thrusts 
D. screw 
When witnesses testified that certain 
campaign contributions had been 
laundered" in Mexico, they meant 
the money w; 
А. smuggled across the border and 
converted into pesos 
B. smuggled across the border and 
converted into tacos 
deposited Mexican. banks, 
g it difficult to trace 
D. scrubbed in Mexican tap water, 
making it get sick 
15. The first public figure in Washing- 
ton to denounce the activities of the 
Committee to Re-Elect the President 
and, by extension, the White House 
stall was: 
ohn Dean, April 19 
ames McCord, March 1973 
‚ October 1972 
a Mitchell, June 19: 


in 


$e de. 


“And, another thing, he mentally undresses everyone.” 


16. 


18. 


19. 


90. 


"When Dean was asked why he 
ken campaign mon for his 
honeymoon rather th: i 
penses on a credit card, his response 
was: 
A. “My assets were tied up in the 
stock market.” 
made ап error in judgmei 
don't like to live on credit 
isa peculiar 
moon. Maureen wanted cash on 
the barrelhead.” 
When Dean finally told Haldeman 
that he intended to spill the whole 
story to the Watergate investigators, 
deman is supposed to have re- 
ith the following colorful 


Е you haven't brushed your 
teeth until now, you certainly 
g to get them clea 
B. “Once the tooth paste is out of 

the tube, you might as well 


s going to be very 
rd to get it back in.” 

found the cap off the tooth- 
ube again, you silly 


tivities emanating fom the White 
Housc—apart from те Warergate 
break-in itsell- with one 
phrase; he called 
A. White House tales of terror 
B. White House horror sto 
C. Teenage Fiends from the White 
House Crypt 
D. Elmer 
Senator Sam generally speaks with 
Boston accent 


y 
D. God 

Dean claimed that at the crucial 

September 21st mee the Ova 

Office, the President grected him, 


pointed at H. R. “Bob” Haldeman, 


"Bob's been doing a good job of 
telling me about you, John." 
б. “Bob's been telling me what a 
good job you've been dı 

John.” 
ood job, and tell me, Bob, are 
you going to the john 
to the john, Bob, а 
good job, I'm telling you! 


D.* 


d do a 


-B 

(e 

3 -B 
4-C 9-р 
5-A 10-В 


How good it is = 


Winston 


FILTER- CIGARETTES = 


FULL. Rr 
сн 
TOBACCO FLAVOR 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined - 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. [IU 
20 mg "tar", 14 mg.nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report FEB.73. 


Winston tastes good, 
when a cigarette should. 


PLAYBOY 


222 


IHE) BRU OVERS) (continued from page 102) 


of sports biz when a Red Sox no-hit 
pitcher sought his advice оп negotiat- 
ing a contract. “Oh, wow,” said Wooll, 
“this is an area that has been virtually 
untapped!” 

Eight years later, he has tapped nine 
out of twelve Boston Celtics as clients, 
Sanderson, Jim Plunkett, athletes on 
more than half the teams in every div 
sion of every major league in pro sports. 

ir advisor, manager, surrogate fa- 
ther and number-one fan. A staff of eight 
im put together a 
ach client. Woolf 
handles taxes, invesunents, 
drafts, contracts, endorse- 
king engagements, wills and 
- His athletes draw an allowance. 
“I wy to teach them how to handle 
money,” says Woolf. 

“These are often young, inexperienced 
kids who have been coddled and pro- 
tected from the time they entered high 
school. They're continually getting sur- 
rounded by fringe people with wild 
schemes for quick riches. I get calls at two 
A.M. from young clients, would I send 
five thousand dollars fast, they've got a 
friend with a wild idea. Most of my time 


I spend preventing exploitation. . . ." 
What distinguishes Woolf from others 
performing similar services is his rapport. 
with the men he represents. He walks the 
snowy streets of Boston with despondent 
Plunkett after yet another Patriot det 
opens his home to all, is avai 
s for any emergency. His family i 
cludes a loving wile, three happy children 
and dozens of clients who drop by for 
snacks, pool games and moral inspiration. 
Team owners and managers who have 
to deal with him at contract time find 
Wool bly as good as his word. He 
won't renegotiate a clients contract for 
more money and, because of it, last усаг 
lost basketball star Julius Erving. In his 
quiet and unassuming way. Woolf is a 
n of strong principle. With an income 
00,000 a year, one might assume that 
ord to be. The suspicion lingers 
that he still would be if he were to go 
broke tomorrow. "Му job,” he says, "is to 
make sure an atlilete gets what hes worth 
and learns how to manage what he gets. 
His body is his skill, and it сап depre- 
ciate very fast." 
When it seems to be depreciating over- 
night, as in the case of Sanderson, Woolf's 


le 


“Jim gota raise Jor naming him after his boss, and I 
got a raise for not naming him after my boss.” 


solid reputation enables him to deal di- 
reculy with management—in this case, the 
Blazers’ owner —in an atmosphere no 
ble for its lack of contempt, distrust 


nd. 


deception. The mceting takes place at 
Woolf's 


acation home in Hollywood, 
In the end, Sanderson walks 


played as a Blazer) and his 
n the Boston Bruins. 
Woolf? He leaves the way lie came in: re- 
spected, unperturbed, slightly awed by 
the power he s unbelievable!" 
he exclaims. “Think of the damage 1 
could do to sports if I ever lost my head." 
But there must be something dificult. 
“There is,” he admits. “The hardest thing 
is trying to do it all as a gentleman." 


Terry Knight, 30, has learned to ex- 
press himself with precision ("I may 
mention discipline many times, because 
to me discipline is the essence of any pro- 
motional campaign"), with humility (“As 
a singer, I worked until nobody would 
ive me") and with conviction (“My 
thing is not to sell record albums, my 
thing is to turn a group into a longev- 
ity mone er”); but it is not until the 
subject turns to his former rock group, 
Grand Fu Railroad, that he begins to 
Il. turkey: “It cost me a fucking fortune 
to get the exposure I should have been 
getting for free” and “On their last tour, 
when I wasn't in charge, people came to 
see them the way they come to a car wreck 
to see the remains. ГИ tell you what the 
problem was, they weren't fucking hun- 
gry any longer.” 

Pop-music wade papers gloated over 
the decline and fall of his relationship 
with Grand Funk, three young men who 
are currently suing Knight for more tha 
58,000,000 and arc being sued by him 
and others in turn for $56,000,000. Hip 
young writers delved into every detail of 
the separation and divorce with such 
smarmy seltrighteousness that Louella 
her grav 
Grand Funk w: 
boondock rock! I mean, like, those dudes 
couldn't even play Tea for Two and they 
were grossing, like, 550,000 a night, man, 
just for balling their guitars in front of 
spaced-out teeny-bopp vs why. 
Dig it? 

Yet let it never be said th. 
engincer of Grand nk Railroad, did 
not give rock critics something to hate. 
And it may now come as a mild surprise 
to these critics and their readers to learn 
that Knight had it calculated all the way. 
In fact, he ran only bad reviews of the 
group in his ads. He reasoned that kids 
were аһы: g lied to and would 
take the reviews as a hype. He refused 
to let G. F. R. appear 
refused to allow them to be intervi 
in short, he turned aesthetic host 
a massive financial suc 
did it without much 
part of the master plan—a case study in 


E 


Knight, the 


superb music promotion—and it all 
began when he got a call one winter night 
from three musician friends who were 
playing a gig on Cape Cod and eating 
snow to stay alive. That was 1968. Knight, 
himself poor, fronted them 2 little 
money, then listened to their music. "I 
didn't know whether 1 liked it or I hated 
it," he recalls. But something told him it 
would sell if properly packaged—expe- 
rience, perhaps, for Knight had put 
time as a Detroit disc jockey in his 
ind had developed a comme 
Consigning а sizable chunk of G. F. R.'s 
camings to himself, he choreographed 
the group's stage act from start to finish 
When histrionic performer Jimi Hendri: 
died, he realized that “there was а gap 
here” and he determined that one of the 
group would fill that gap by ripping off 
his vest during each gig, kneeling on the 
stage and ng intercourse with his 
Fender. (Eventually, the musician would 
object that it got his pants dirty and 
would refuse to copulate; Knight would 
offer to launder his pants for him after 
every performance, but by then nothing 
would case the tension.) 

Knight wanted Grand Funk to be 
“bigger than life.” They were actually 
three farm boys from Michigan with lots 
of ambition and not much talent, but 
when they were hungry they listened 
well, and Knight told them enough about 
a stage presence to make them a highly 


salable commodity. Having done that, he 
then went out and spent several months 
pounding on doors to get them a record 
contract. Then he talked Capitol Records 
into putting up $250,000 to promote their 
first album. 

Knight is a very persuasive person. 
Intense. Deceptively boyish. And very 
good at hard-nosed pitching. But if you 
work for him, listen and don't talk back. 
Because he has a . . . 
stands socict i 


ationship to cul- 
tural trends, and you will be part of ita 
leader of it, in fact—if you pay attention. 
What I say to record executives 
‘Fuck truth and honesty and being cool 
and sitting on your ass behind a desk, fig- 
uring out what kids are gonna listen to in 
On When I want to know, I go to 
Omaha, I get out among the people. I 
have to be on the street. On the street I 
learned that after any national catastro- 
phe, like the first Kennedy assassination, 
there will be a swing toward fun esca 
entertainment. After 1963 it was the Bea- 
tles singing 7 Want to Hold Your Hand. 
Then what happened? The Beatles grew 
introspective. Vietnam. Another cycle of 
depression, so I put together Grand 
Funk, a totally escapist group, and they 
played to capacity houses wherever they 
went. In one month in 1969, we played 
dates. They put on a great show. I mixed 
the sound from the middle of the audi 
ence. I made it incredibly loud. Why? Be- 


cause it's a fact that loud music affects the 
fluid in the inner ear and creates a sense 
of cuphoria and you go home from a con- 
cert feeling stoned. That’s why. 


Did it work? Christ, did it work 
Thanks to his innerear awa 
Knight's income now inercases by 


$1,000,000 every 90 day g to 
The Wall Street Journal. He invested 
wisely, he observes. “I exist a 
inment complex today—including a 
limousine company, two publishing com- 
panies, a movie company in partnership 
with Twiggy and a new record company. 
Brown Bag 

While he was running Grand Funk's 
railroad, he never let the boys read their 
awful reviews, he isolated them from the 
public and spread their faces over two 
blocks of billboard in Times Square, 
nong other places. When they gr 
they learned that they were dis 
schlock musicians and they freaked. Now 
Knight has moved on, with Brown Bag. 
to promote new groups—first Mom's 
Apple Pie and, more recently, Faith. He 
has saturated the news media with press 
leases informing one and all that Faith 
members must remain anonymous. Only 
their thumbprints appear on the record- 
ing contract. They're photographed from 
behind, naked to the waist. Their arms 
are interlocked, Could they be . . . queer? 
Who are these gay and nameless blades? 

Knight is telling no one, not even those 


You're out of cash. And out of town. 


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PLAYBOY 


224 


“Glad to sce yow're finally getting something 
down. on canvas." 


who couldn't care less. He has launched 
yet another assault on the musical tastes 
of young America, and rewards are sure 
to follow. He's been to Omaha: he should 
know. 

Like many other promoters, Knight re- 
fuses to socia hh 
lower myself to their 
“Nothing personal, it's professional disci- 
pline. When you get too close, you begin 
to listen to excuses.” But groups а 
really where Knight is at. It’s promotion 
that gets him off. Not to mention 9000 
units of vitamin E twice a day. If there 
is any challenge left, it is purely one of 
status, "It would please me to convince 
the people with muscle in the indus 
пу that I am not a bullshit hype. If 
they would pay attention the way I 
have, it would make the word promoter 
taste a hell of a lot beter to me and 
eryone else. 


In the lavishly furnished rotunda of a 
boathouse lodge fast by a lake in Orlan- 
do, Florida, a black woman on an im- 
ks down and sobs: “My 
by from me when I 
the organization and my husband 
nds wouldn't hav 
they 
thought I was crazy, too ... but Fm 
gonna show 'em, so help me, God and 
Glenn Turner, I'm gonna dare to be 
great it it kills me!” 

The audience of 100 women rises to 


parents took my | 
jo 

left me and my fi 
nothing to do with me, caus 


its feet. Cheering, Shouting. Stamping: 
"GO! GO! GO!" The black woman 


brushes away tears, a look of defiant self- 
confidence sweeps over her features. She 


is one of thousands, millions now, who 
have been c 


aght up in one of America’s 
most incredible evangelistic movements, 
a lapel-tugging, hard-sell, beatthe-bushes 
sales Gospel whose followers worship at 
the shrine of a man with a harelip, a tou- 
pee, false teeth, boots fashioned from the 
skin of unborn calves, red double-knit 
straightlegged suits and legal actions 
pending against him in 46 states of the 
Union. 

The unstoppable Glenn W. Turner 
comes about as close to being a working- 
class hero as anyone in recent. memory. 
We created him, America, now we don't 
te know what to do with him. He has. 
elf into the hearts and minds 
of the proletariat; has won fame, fortune 
and a devoted following by twisting and 
warping the Ho Alger myth out of 
shape. “You know what's wrong with the 
world?” he yells. “We're too dignified!” 
(Cheering) “Who says you got to go to 
college? I come into the world with a 
harelip, the son of a sharecropper, I never 
got past the eighth grade and I'm driving 
You know 
why! I 
supposed to go to 
school, then wait six years. I made a profit 
my first month! And I'll teach you to be 
stupid just like me!” (Wild applause) 
achine salesman, 


company. He brought in 23 recruiters 
and sold 51,000,000 worth of distributor- 


ships even before he found a full line of 
products to distribute. He wasn't worried. 
‘The worst he could do was go broke. 
"Going broke, s just like 
brushing your teeth. You have to do ita 
few times to get over your fear of failure 
Sure I made mistakes. I bought sixty 
seven years’ worth of eyebrow pendi 
from a manufacturer ‘cause nobody told 
me better . - . but T put errors out of 
ind, and so can you!” 

the same exhilarating pitch wher- 
ever Turner, 39, travels in his Сопуай 
880. He runs down the aisle, laps up 
onto the stage, pulls off his suit coat, loos- 
ens his tie, throws off his boots, jumps up 
. "Fake it till you make it,” he 
GO! GO: 
dience docs go. It goes crazy 
at and fever of promised suc- 
ces. Chimney sweeps, chambermaids, 
midgets, cabdrivers, hash slingers—"real 
folk"—they come thick and fast to hear 
Turner's husile; many leave a few thou- 
sand dollars leaner; they have taken the 
plunge, have signed up and paid theii 
money to join Turner's Koscot Interplan- 
сагу Cosmetics as “distributors.” What 
they get in return for their checks puzzles 
and upsets law-enforcement э cv- 
erywhere. But at the moment, it doesn’t 
matter. Turner is about to mount the 
stage in the rotunda. The women he will 
speak to are salesladies in many of his cor- 
ions, which now number 70; some 
some sell. self-motivation 
Ш are frantic with delight at 
being invited to his Orlando "clinic" for 
a week of instruction; they are, in his 

Way up. One has 
nization “Christian 
healthy round of ap- 
пзе. Others have cried, kissed, hugged. 
Now, Glenn: At leisure he plays tlic in- 
formal host—no flamingred croupier's 
suit tonight: Levis rolled up over his 
boots, a captain's hat, a polo shirt. He 
talks about himself, about how he felt 
dumsy in public in the carly days but 
soon got to where he could make tears 
flow. The checks started coming in. "IE it 
Ш collapses on. me tomorrow 
Г pick up and start again,” he says. 
Later he reads from a poem given to him 
by one of the young ladies in attendance. 
“The poem I want to read to you is /f by 
Rudolph Kipling,” he announces. Ru- 
dolph? Occasionally, like a nervous 
friend, his lack of formal education be- 
- Turner likes what Rudolph 
y. he analyzes the verse line by 
- Two hours later, the bleary-eyed 
women file urner and his charming 


hc reckons, 


with the h 


wen 


ity in 


wife. Alice, shake all hands. In three days 
he will be in Venezuel: 
Rico, then M. 


then Puerto 
ys Mexico .. . Italy 
the word around the 
them up. Puting down 
the corporate ethic of hard labor, low 
wages and a gold watch at the end of 50 
years. It's out there for the asking. Go get 
it. 1 did. “I took two lemons—my speech 


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PLAYBOY 


impediment, my harelip—and I turned 
them into lemonade. You 

In recent years, Turner's sales methods 
have been called “a cancerous vice.” а 
“Frankenstein,” “an enormous fraud” by 
Federal and stare authorities. They in- 
volve “multilevel distributorships" if you 
like them, “pyramid sales" if you don't. 


an. too." 


In either case, it will—or would have, 
ший Turner's most recent round of 
hasles—cost you up to 55000 
y the right to sell his products — 


which now include wigs, pink fur coats 
and minkoil body lotion—and the first 
thing you did when you paid up was 
nd try to sell someone else a 
distributorship for a hefty commission, 
and the first thing he would then do . 
and so it went. The problem with chain 
letters is that they seldom work. Some- 
times you don’t even get back the price of 
your stamp. But in spite of the odds, 
у Koscot converts turned a hand- 
some profit. At its inception, Turner's 
mization was riddled with sloppy 
anagement; no defined sales territories, 
clusive sales areas, no logical chain 
of command, no way of controlling head- 


hunters who stormed people in the streets 
for their check. Complaints flooded the 
of attorneys general. They set out 


пр Turners style; and the venge- 
ance with which they have attacked the 
man suggests that they see more at issue 
than consumer protection. For as long as 
greed has flourished, others have bilked, 
cajoled and coerced under the corporate 
ethic of sanitized larceny, Tha's what 
lobby 


chandising more marginal than Turner's, 
but few corporate heads have been so 
bold as to preach heresy 
of establishment. success. Governme: 


1 
igencies. so it seems, are paternalistic 


toward the unedui 
them and find thi al jobs as long 
5 they keep their place. If they start driv 
ng Eldorados, they must be either pimps, 
gangsters or dope dealers. The idea that 
they, too, might have a right to succeed 
on the basis of their own initiative and 
hustle offends, infuriates and boggles the 
mind. There is something goddamn . . . 
revolution: . about this concept. 

А bastard. child of capitalism, Turner 
sells these have nots the confidence to 
play at the Horatio Alger myth. Far from 
being a cynical crook, he demonstrates 
a genuine love for them and is, for 
instance, a leading employer of the hand- 
icapped in Florida, A magnificent sales- 
man. he also happens to be a miserable 
business administrator, Surrounding h 
is a crew of subordinates who display lit- 
Че of his warmth, openness or sympathy 
for the meek. They look, act and carry on 
like a hard-nosed corps of mercenary sol- 
diers; and Turner, who is à genius at 

aspiring his troops, is so shaky on troop 
deployment that he has in the past al- 


226 lowed them to run amuck, plundering 


neighborhoods at will. Civil suits have 
cost him a small fortune in legal fees 
alone. Attempting to extricate himself, 
Turner recently relinquished control of 
his companies and now functions primari- 
ly as a consultant. He has worked out a 
tentative agreement with civil plaintiffs 
to the tune of $4,700,000 in liquidated 
funds, turning over this amount to an in- 
dependent holding company. Its nego- 
ble stock will be issued to those who got 
burned and want their money back. 

Under similar duress, lesser men might 
be expected to retreat from the wars of 
commerce. Not Turner; he has set about 
nce in yet another direction. With- 
n 18 months he plans to open 1000 
mind spas" throughout the country. 
“These are just like health spas,” he ex- 
plains, “ ‘cept we're gonna exercise and 
develop the mind. It's a place where you 

an go and jack up your attitude for 
twenty-five dollars à month. We're callin’ 
it Welcome to Our World. There's no 
pyramid sales involved. I had my fill of 
that. 

Despite their eagerness to quash his ac- 
tivities, few states have any statute 
multilevel selling. And Tur 
his defiant nature, has worked hard to 
dean up his operation. Too late. 
haps: In May, a Federa 

tment was handed down against him 
by the Post Office, the IRS briefly locked 
up his Sand Lake facility and, à month 
later, he was arrested in Germany, facing 
extradition to Britain on charges of fraud. 

About these and other adversities he 
remains philosophical. “When you're the 
fastest gun in the West, everybody's al- 
ways trying to draw on yow” And in a 
more meditative analogy: “When a feller 
reaches for the sun, he's bound to get a 
few blisters.” 

Blisters, guns, civil and crimi 
suits—all impart the same advice: If you 
sense in yourself a talent for promotion, 
do it, but go easy on administration 
Chances are you'll be terrible at it and 
will suffer the consequences of overreach- 
ing ambition. Turner may still do himself 
in. I he isn't in jail or otherwise occupied 
at the time, he plans to run for President 
in 1980, He says he would legalize ma 
juana but hang smugglers who try to 
bring it into the country illegally. There 
are other inconsistencies in his platform; 
they may bother you, but they don't 
bother Turner. It will all work out, 
“God.” he confides, "has programmed 
my computer." Looking up past the tur- 
rets of his $3,000,000 Orlando castle, 
he smiles. 


despite 


Jay Bernstein, the world's most success- 
ful young show-business public-relations 
man. has just taken delivery on one of the 
world’s most expensive automobiles. a 
Stutz Blackhawk. For this hand-tooled 
n touring car he paid 537,000, the 


expense of which presented no problem. 


‘The difficulties set in when Bernstein 
tries to understand why he bought it. He 
dy owns a customized Fleetwood 
After one spin around the block on Su 
set Suip, where his office is located, hi 
takes his driver aside and asks: “Jack, 
what will I use this car for?” It is a solemn 
inquiry 
The driver reflects. “Well.” he ex- 
plains, “you'll use it for . . . pleasure. 
Bernstein sighs mournfully and climbs 
back inside. 
t 35, Berst reached the top 
of his profession, and he has m: 
to do so at least in part by avoiding ple: 
ure at all costs, except where it happens 
to coincide with business. He safaris with 
client Bill Holden in Africa, kayaks with 
dient Isaac Hayes in Hawaii, sport fishes 
with client Susan Hayward off the Baha- 
mas. Dozens of framed color photographs 
on his office walls bear witness to these 
excursions, and proudly he takes a visitor 
on а guided tour, jabbing at each onc 
with a long-bladed dagger. “Here 1 am 
with Susan . . . with Isaac. . . now over 
here are my TV Guide covers, just a few 
of the clients I've had on the йош... 
and over here are some of the Nielsen 
ratings I helped achieve, апа" 


a ritualized weapon of great signifi- 
cance in the Hindu religion. Bernstein 
suddenly turns. "Yon like it? Here, it's 


yours. I insist, take it, I have another one 
at home." 
Upon doser inspection, it develops 


that the kris has a cigarette lighter em- 
bedded in the butt end of the handle. 
The visitor makes an earnest effort to т 
fuse. Too late. Bernstein loves to give 
things away, has probably given away ev- 
erything in his possession that anyone has 
ever paused to admir 
What he has given away free to one of 
his newest clients, Mark Spitz, is open to 
speculation. The fee for his professional 
advice is not: It is definitely costing Spitz 
a cool $12,000 a year and it will cost you 
the same, unless you happen to be the 
sponsor of a TV special employing Bern- 
stein to ensure good ratings, in which case 
it will set you back $25,000 per shot. 
Lihat in hell do you get for all 
money? You get Oklahoma-born Jay 
his май of 42 dynamo [lacks hustling 
press and media coverage when you want 
. and ge when you might 
want that even more. If you are a celeb- 
rity and you get arrested on a messy mor- 
als charge, for instance, Tay will use his 
contacts to get the arrest buried deep in- 
side the morning newspaper; when and if 
you get acquitted, the news will make 
page one. If, as a celebrity, you get picked 
up in a rior and hauled off to jail, Jay 
might very well smuggle a camera into 
your cell, slip it around your neck and 
have a reporter send out à story over the 


попсохега 


"When he i 


nviled us sailing, I thought it meant just 
lying in the sun with our bras off." 


PLAYBOY 


228 


wires explaining how you were mistaken- 
Jy аттеме@ аз a rioter while photograph- 
ing location shots for your next film. 
"Thesc-are but a few of the services he 
has provided'in the line of duty. When 
the major ‘Hollywood studios collapsed, 
they abandoned their elaborate publicity 
departments, whose energies had been 
concenuated on protecting the stars and 
the public from one another. Enter ] 
Bernstein, independent PR man. ready 
and waiting to pick up the slack. You and 
1 may be convinced that the star system is 
1. but Hollywood isn't. It still main- 
s lines of defense and its anach- 
ronistic belief in projecting an image. 
Bernstein knows all about projecting an 
image. He's terrific at it. Needless to say, 
he's 


thy departmentstore 
owner, Jay refused to be carried along 
into the family business. As a youth, he 
earned spending money by shoveling 
dung out of Oklahoma outhouses, Even- 
tually, he moved West to brcak into show- 
biz, got fired from a couple of jobs and 
sank his last $400 into his own PR firm. 

i ten years later, it costs him 
580,000 а month “just to keep the lights 


"I've created a monster ] can't get out 
of,” he confides, pausing to spray Binaca 
into his mouth. Two squirts later he con- 
tinues: "I'm a computer, I run my organi- 
zation by clecronic. Гус got to have 
efliciency or I'm dead, it's the nature of 
the business. 

Efficiency is as close at hand as the lit- 
Ue transistorized beeper that each mem- 


r^. 
+ = 
"xm 


LEE, i 


her of his staff is required to wea 
times. He can be beeped on a golf course, 
in bed with his old lady, anywhere day or 
night. When a PR man's services are 
needed, Bernstein explains, they are 
needed now. “I don't tolerate failure. 
We're the Green Berets of the public- 
relations industry, and 1 try to run my 
firm just like a general. My employees 
are units, I don't have time to be nice to 
them. І don't want to hear about thei 
personal problems. 1 have a house rabl: 
nd а house priest for that. I am totally 
dedicated, ninety-five percent of my time 
is spent in my business, I demand the 
same from people who work for me. It's 
the only way I can survive. For example, 


1 know exactly how much time 1 have at 


night to get my sleep. I'm a bachelor, I 
have Jack drive my date home at mid- 
night. Now, if I should wake up at four 
the morning and have to open my cyes 
to look at the clock, it would take me a 
long while to fall back to sleep. So I've 
had a dock built beside my bed that's 
operated by a button. If I wake up now, 
1 keep my eyes closed, I push the button 
and the clock speaks, It says ‘Four-thirty- 
seven’ and 1 fall asleep immediately. 


easy to see but difficult to behold. 
In an age of practiced lassitude among 
rich young men, Jay Bernstein is out 
there hustling 1 
sensitivity and humanistic conce 
sists on coldly impersonal relationships. 
Patton would have admired him, but Pat- 
ton is dead, I Bernstein were not quite 


“Remember when ‘laying them in the aisles’ was just 
a show-business ex pression?" 


so candid. and, in an odd wa 
cent—about himself and his career, he 
would be damned intolerable. 

Yet he is as open as a child, and not in 
the least cynical’ He underst 
people better than they underst 


selves. Backstage at a press conference 
with Spitz, he demonstrates his knowl- 
edge. ("Spitz is easy to work with. I say, 
"Take the red pill, then the green pil 
and he 


takes them without 
As Spitz listens, Ben 
ly instructs him on how to handle the 
pres. “They'll be after your throat 
today,” Jay tells him. "Its part of the 
tend. First they love you for winning 
medals, then they hate you for trying to 
make a living, and eventually they'll be 
back on your side again, But at the mo- 
ment, expect the worst. 
Five minutes later, Spitz gets it. He hats 
10 announce his association with an 
m—“ Money didn't hav 
ng to do with it, I like the quality 
product.” But the newsmen scol 
at that. One says that Spitz seems to be en 
dorsing everything except hemorrhoi 
Spitz smiles. Another asks: “Is it true you 
plan to replace Flipper the Porpe 
When he геше?” Spitz smiles aga 
Doesn't lose his cool. Does SS а 
asses, just stands there and paries these 
loaded questions with considerable skill 
How? Only his press agent knows lor 
sure, and throughout the press confei 
ence, Jay Bernstein never saysa word. 
CHICAGO, A man 
rant doodling on a napkin. He's read 
somewhere that 93 percent of American 
hers buy skates for their children. Facts 
e this stick in his mind. What he would 


Depression, so he's gone into sports pro- 
motion. He reasons: “Anything you're 
good at as a kid you'll stick with if there's 
an outlet. 

some ideas on how to make roller skatin, 
work as a sports attraction. Where there's 
a wheel there's a way, il only he can find 
the angle. The angles turn out to be 


ved olf the corners of a looped wack. 
aranges to present the world’s first 


roller-skat marathon at Chicago's Coli- 
seum. People come to watch, they fall 


asleep in droves. The “Nightly Sprint to 
Nowhere" goes on the road. People fall 


asleep in Louisville, 
Leo Seltzer begins to lose faith. He 
doesn’t know yet that he has invented 
one of America's two original sports—the 
other being basketball. АП he knows is, 
he’s losing money. Along comes Damon 
Runyon, He likes Seltzers folly, and 
offers to help. Together they devise a set 
ol rules to make the marathon into a con- 
inners, losers, heroes, 
ns, pratfalls, clbows, grunts, fig 
пісіра well as 
ys Seltzer, “it's got 


Miami; promoter 


ts 


male. 


nd female pa 
Empathy.” 


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PLAYBOY 


230 


to have empathy.” It docs. He ge 
nd copyrights а name: Roller Derby 
Now he owns a name and a sport that 
people will pay to see. “Everybody loves 
my game,” he decides. "It gets rid of 
frustration.” 

OAKLAND, 19:8 Nobody loves Leo's 
game any longer. On a good night it 
draws 200 fans into a 10,000seat auditori- 
um. There is plenty of leg room. Like 
Candide, Seltzer wanders back to his gar- 
den, wondering where he went wrong. 
Ten years earlier, Roller Derby and Mil- 
ton Berle were the two hottest properties 
on television. They were, of course, 
almost the only propert soon be- 
came television's first victims of overex- 
posure. Derby Queen Tully Brasulin and 
other talents named Pee Wee, Bumper, 
[ а Bouncing Betty experienced 
a rapid dispiriting descent into obscurity. 
The Derby died on its tracks, never to 
roll again, it seemed. 

But wait. Leo has a son, Jerry, who 
used to cat lots of paint chips and pencil 
lead and sofa strings as a kid. Somehow he 
survived his gastronomical habits and 
grew up to graduate from Northwestern's 
School of Business. Bored, he heads West, 
dabbles around the fringes of Roller 
Derby, which is like being on the fringe 
of a fringe, and discovers in himself, 
much to his amazement, inherent 
gift for promotion. He revives his father’s 
moribund idea and sets out to apply a few 
resuscitation techniques of his own de- 
vice. In a deserted garage, he kinescopes 
the games and syndicates them to an Oak- 
land TV station. Attendance picks up. 
Along comes video tape, a vast improve: 
ment over the fuzzy kinescope prints that 


lugeer 


made many viewers think they were 
watching Martians with acne. Jerry, so 
of Leo, capitalizes a parent company for 
$500, locates a sponsor and sends off a 
videotaped game to Portland, Oregon, 
At the end of the televised turbulence, 
the announcer asks, as an afterthought 
"Would you like to see Roller Derby in 
Portland?” Hundreds write in. Seltzer 
books a game there. The track arrives but 
not the players, whose plane is grounded. 
Two hours late, they show up anyway. 
Ni ient fans give them a 
standing ovation. Just for making the 
game. Seltzer he's got a hot one. 
There is nothing to do but expand. 

By 1961 there are 40 TV stations carry- 
ing the Derby. "It hardly seems to be any 
sort of revelation now,” Jerry will remark 
e years later, "bur at the time E was 
d, for it suddenly occurred to me 


e thousand p 


at there were no longer any boundaries 
as we had known them. As far as the great 
сус extends, people have the same inter- 


ests.” In the particular case of Roller 
Derby, these common interests include a 
zest dor hoked-up violence, pseudo 
slaughter and calculated chaos. “I pro- 
«c programs | wouldn't watch myself," 
Selzer will also later r No ci 
chomping carney теј vies 
tyle and elegance befitting the 
ghbred stable and uses 
pant of his Roller Derby revenue to pro- 
duce a film on ballet. 

But his gen He 
owns the leagues, players, skates, uni- 
forms and concessions. He is forced to 
outbid no one but himself, and his 
players work for w above their 


he 


ges not fa 


“Good grief! Oil!” 


former salaries as secretaries, truck d 
ers, dishwashers, stevedores. They don't 
seem to mind. Roller Derby has quickly 
become the last rags-to-riches Hollywood 
myth: They seck fame more than fortune, 
shot at glory. “They're all escaping 
from something,” Seltzer reveals. Famous 
or not, Roller Derby stars arrive early to 
put up the track they will skate on, and 
they go back later to pull it down, Th 
are no pretentions other than to emer- 
tain. Selzer, 41, insists on a lighthearted 
approach, Sitting in his Oakland ollice, 
he manipulates his television shows to 


draw fans for live performances; he insti- 
tutes a concept of regional home teams 


that small-town blue-collar audiences сап. 
identily with; he puts his stars im direct 
contact with his fans; he shortens the 
tracks, spruces up the uniforms, adds 
cities to his offseason touring schedule 
and prospers. 

OAKLAND, 1973: Twenty million people 
now watch Seltzer’s Roller Derby on tele- 
vision, 5,000,000 pay to sce it live cach 

ar. Filty-thousand paid to see one 
Chicago, 17,000 at Madison Squa 
Garden, 35,000 at the Oakland Coli: 
Some sportswriters now reler to Jerry 
uer as “the finest promotional mind 
in professional sports." Others go out of 
their way to ignore him. Two years ago. 
Seltzer attempted to buy The Golden 
Seals’ National Hockey League franchise. 
He had the money but not the reputa- 
One N. H. L. owner fell asleep as 
de his presentation. “I knew we 
were in trouble when nobody bothered to 
wake him up,” Seltzer recalls. “They 
called me a "hippodrome proi 
e the franchise to Charley 
already tried to sell out. 1 won't 
touch i 

Is he bitter, then? "Sometimes the lack 
of personal recognition among my pe: 
bothers me. In Roller Derby, 1 didn 
start with the most palatable subject 
Look at me today. 1 could fool anybody. 
My strength is conceptual—puuing our 
teams on tour, for instance, Execution, 
forget it. I have a staff for that. I don't 
like to do something the same way twice, 
it's a personal quirk, and it can tend to 
drive you batty if you work for me. Arc 
Roller Derby games fixed? No, not exact- 
ly, but let's put it this way: You pick a 
team in any game, ГЇ bet against you and 
win. The fans don't care, they come for 
the noise, the color, the body contact. We 
don't take ourselves seriously: everybody 
see us for the sham we are,” 

Seltzer smiles broadly. Behind him on 
the wall of his plush office, he and P. T. 
Barnum stare nose to nose in cameo Gni- 
cature, "My secret,” says Seltzer, “is th: 
I know how to usc people.” He leans for- 
ward to shake the hand of an Inquiring 
Writer. “I'm using you, I hope you realize 
thar.” 

Oh, dem promoters, they sure know 
how to close a d 


> 


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231 


PLAYBOY 


SLICING UP THE BIG APPLE conina rrom pace 15) 


not only would be on the payroll of the 
underworld that supported them but 
would also be partners with underworld 
ders in some of their ventures. 
h, among others, one Arthur 
heimer, who adopted the name Dutch 
Schultz, and Marinelli with. "Joe the 
Boss" Masseria, Luciano, Costello aud 
others. As Tammany capitulated, so did 
the rest of the city’s official complex. 
which took its cue from Tamman: 
Mayors, district attorneys, police commi: 
sioners and others would all be depend- 
ent on the underworld, afraid to move 
without first getting clearance from the 


n, would tell the press 
ked who his new police commis- 
sioner was going to be, “I haven't had any 
word on that yet" By that, he meant 
the word from Hines, Marinelli and the 
underworld. 

‘Though there were parallels between 
New York and the Chicago of Torrio and 
Capone, there were also decided differ- 
ences. Torrio had fallen victim to the vio- 
lence that ma icago scene, had 
been forced to fice for his lile. leaving be- 
hind the brutality of Capone and a city 
strewn with the bodies of Dion O'Ba 
Hymie Weiss, the victims of < 
tine’s Day and hundreds more. The city 
had become a war zone, its street cor 
battlegrounds, its gutters often rivers of 
blood; Torrio's dicta of cooperation and 
peace were forgotten. 

Such, though, w 


not the fate of New 
York. Perhaps the barons competing for 
power, mostof whom had come under the 
Rothstein influence at one time or anoth- 
er, had listened and paid close attention 
to his words. Perhaps, too, New York was 
just too big for any one man or organiza- 
tion to control and there was а recogni- 
tion of this simple truth, For whatever 
reasons, the city itself escaped the ki 


ravages that filled Chicago. There were 
shootouts. Dutch Schultz was not above 
putting his enen 
often in public 


early Thirties, he was embroiled in a run- 
ning war with the young Irish killer Vin- 
cent "Mad Dog" Coll, ich the body 
count ran up to a score or more. Louis 
“Lepke” Buchalter’s guns w 
busy in the Garment District of Man- 
haitan, where he was moving in on the 
rackets. Legs Diamond's count was high. 
Bootleggers had a nasty penchant for 
knocking one another over. Frankie 
Yale, the Brooklyn bootlegger-killer- 
Unione Siciliane president, was cut down 
in his car on 4fth Strect in Brooklyn in 
1928 by a submachine gun (the first time 
that weapon, a stand-by in the Chicago 
gang wars, was used in New York), but 

Killers, it turned out, had been sent from 
e to pay olf Yale for 


often 


232, some double crosses on liquor shipments. 


But the body count in New York never 
matched Chicago's, even though the New 
York underworld was proportionately 
much larger. And though the city itself 
was the scene of many of the killings, 
there was a kind of circumspection about. 
the murders. Most took place in lonely 
ambushes, in sparsely populated restau- 

м5 ог speak-casics, on streets where 
there were few people about, at night, on 
back roads during a hijacking or after a 
one-way ride. The warfare, unlike Chica- 
go's, tended to be private. The public was. 
ely involved, seldom caught in strect- 
corner Cross fire. 

By the middle of the Twenties, the 
bootleg business in New York had been 
left to the strongest, and despite some- 
times sudden and violent confrontations, 
they managed to cut the city up among 
themselves and ma 1 the power with- 

1 their own provinces to repel attempted, 
invasions. Aside Irom the older mafiosi, 
who were just emerging into the world at 
large, the bootleg rulers were mostly 
young, still in their 20s when Prohibition 
arrived and, if they survived the violent 
decade, only into their middle 30s when 
it ended. Though they were often rivals 
and biter ones, they were often, too, 
friends and allies on a temporary or even 
а semipermanent basis. Their compara- 
ble ages and great ambitions both drove 
them apart and, particularly in the later 
struggles with the older gangsters from 
generation, brought them togeth- 
ding them, too, were common 
interests in turning Prohibition into. 
wealth, and the lessons of Arnold Roth- 
‚ Later, all this would enable many 
of them to work closely together to forge 
national Syndicate that would make the 

nderworld an organized business. 

The Bronx was the realm of Dutch 
Schultz. a name he was lat. It 
was short enough to fit in the headlines,” 
he complained. “If I'd kept the name FI 
genheimer, nobody would have heard of 
c." He was only I8 when Prohibition 
became law, but he had already served a 
prison term for unlawful entry (his rap 
sheet would eventually list 13 arrests, for 
me from disorderly conduct to. 
homicide). Tough and merciless, Schultz 
fought his way to the top in his borough 
eventually bossing an empire that would 
include liquor and bee 
numbers, protection and assorted. other 
rackets and would n him millions 
every year. But Schultz was a miser. He 
paid those who worked for him as little as 
possible and would rage when 
had the temerity to ask for a raise; Otto 
"Abbadabba" Berman, a human comput- 
er who handled all Schultz's financial de- 
ls and even worked out a method to rig 
the numbers so the payoff from the policy 
racket would be more astronomical than. 
usual, had to threaten to take his valuable 


yone 


services elsewhere before Schultz agreed 
to pay him $10,000 a week. 

Schultz never spent more than two dol- 
lars for a shirt or 535 for a suit, and rarely 
had them cleaned. "You take silk shirts 
now,” he once said. “I think only queers 
wear silk shirts, I never bought one in my 

ife. Only a sucker will pay fifteen or 
twenty dollars for a silk shirt.” 

As Luciano, a meticulous dresser, later 
. "Dutch was the cheapest guy I ever 
knew. The guy had a couple of million 
bucks and he dressed like a pig, and he 
worried about spending two cents for a 
newspaper. "That was his big spending 
buying the papers so's he could red 
about himself. 

But for all his parsimony, Schultz was 
willing to spend money to solidify, expand 

d protea his empire. He 100k Jimmy 
Hines in as a partner, thereby not only 
gaining Tammany’s protection but also 
buying a piece of it. And he bought him- 
ѕе a piece of the Bronx Demoaatic or- 
ganization, too, becoming such a power 
that boss Edward J. Flynn (later ло be a 
major dispenser of patronage for Roose- 
vel). when sheriff of the borough in 
5, made Schultz a deputy sheriff. And 
Schultz, like all who rose to power, was 

nereiless with his enemies; they had a 
way of dying or disappearing. Thus, the 
Dutchman became the strong man of the 
Bronx and later, when he muscled in on 
policy, of part of Harlem as well. 

Brooklyn was more populous and thus 

more profitable, so no m 
complete suzerainty there. Until his 
death, Frankie Yale, with his base in the 
Unione, a tight organization and his early 
entrance into rumrunning, had j 
slice. Another slice belonged to 
Jewish boy who aspired to culture and 
a more genteel life and thought the 
way to get it was through the riches of 
illegal booze, and who spread out from 
the Jewish ghetto into more of Brookly 
His name was Abner "Longy" Zwillman. 
As the competition in the borough in- 
tensified, Zwillman, while maintaining 3 
hold there, saw more riches and less 
trouble in the outlying districts and 
began to branch out into then-sparsely 
populated Queens and beyond into Long 
Island's Nassau County. He crossed the 
Hudson Rive sey. 
where he linked up with a rising voung 
Italian mobster named Willie Moretti, 
who sometimes went by the more Anglo- 
Saxon. name of Willie Moore, Together 
they controlled bootlegging in their prov. 
ince and moved into gambling with a 
ring of back-room casinos that stretched 
down the Hudson from Fort Lee, directly 
across the river from Manhattan and 
ily reachable then by ferry. Through 
Moretti and growing out of his own 
bootlegging, Zwillman met and became 
friends and partners with his contem 


n could hold. 


to northern New J 


poraries, Luciano, La » Costello and 
the rest 
Brooklyn, in the mid-Twenties, was 


"Can't you find a shady nook somewhere else, Mr. Martinez?" 


rpm 


233 


PLAYBOY 


234 


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becom: territory the 
young Italian gangsters were looking on 
as their own. A handsome young Italian 
named Joseph Doto—who took a name to 
match his good looks and v. 
Adonis, or, to his friends, Joe A—moyed 
in from his original Manhattan base. The 
waterfront was gradually coming under 
the influence of a tough killer named Al- 
bert Anastasia, and a young and rising 
mafioso named Vincent Mangano was 
moving up in tlie wake of Frankie Yale. 

But the real power and the real big 
moncy lay in Manhattan, which was split. 
up a dozen ways among a dozen groups. 
In Harlem, just beginning to fill with 
blacks but still Italian ground, Ciro Ter- 
ranov: gave the orders; 
in Little Italy in Lower Manhattan, other 
mafiosi, those who would be called the 
Mustache Petes—Joe Masseria, Salvatore 
Maranzano and others—controlled all 
the rackets, terrorized the people, warred 
on one another and were just beginning 
to edge into the outer world, a world still 
forcign to them and their methods. 

The rest of the island, the world of the 
middle and upper classes, was the realm 
of the young mobsters who could adapt to 
this society and could deal with it on its 
terms. Costello, Luciano, Lansky and Sie- 
gel (soon joined by Adonis) worked close- 
ly together in midtown. They supplied 
good whiskey to the best speak-easies 
to the best people and they cut them- 
selves in for pieces of many of the speaks 
they serviced. They worked together and 
they worked with others. Needing regular 
sources of supply, they struck up deals 
with Waxey Gordon, Ma Воо-Воо” 
Holt and Нату Stromber ias “Nig” 
Rosen, who had become the bootleg pow- 
ers in Philadelphia, a city vital to their 
success, lor there Gordon and his friends. 
ran a suing of distilleries where domestic 
liquor was produced and imported whis- 
key was cut, reblended and rebouled. 
They came to arrangements with Enoch 
"Nudy" Johnson, the boss of Atlantic 
City, whose resort community was one of 
the prime landing zones for the imported 
stuff, and with Charles "King" Solomon 
of Boston, whose port was constantly busy 
unloading booze. In search of supplies 
to keep their growing list of thirsty cus- 
tomers happy, they bought from the 
Cleveland. powers—Moe Dalitz, Morri: 
Kleinman, Sam Tucker and Louis Roth- 
kopf—who were running a regular ferry 
service across Lake from Canada. 
Lansky, as treasurer of the group in 
ddition to other activities, was often 
patched on quick trips around the 
country to seek out new alliances and 
new sources of supply. He also went to 
a, Bermuda, the other British 


nd 


lands and Cuba to tie up whiskey sup- 
plies there and to strike the toughest 


ins, somet 
singularly adept. 


g at which he proved 


Adonis, in partnership with Luciano 
and the others, put together what was 
сайей the Broadway Mob. Its territory 
was the great center of Manhattan and its 
dients were the class speak-easies—such 
places as Jack and Charlie's “21” Club. 


Jack White's, the Silver Slipper. Sher- 
man Billingseys Stork Club and the 
rest. In some they had a personal invest- 
nt, to all they supplied only the best 


whiskey, "right off the boat"—which 
meant from Gordon's distilleries, from 
distilleries they took over, from their 
other sources, but not the rotgut that was 
being turned out in the thousands of stills 
in East Harlem, Little Italy and celse- 
where. Not satisfied with only Manhat- 
п, though, Adonis also branched out 
to Brooklyn and, backed by the grow- 
ing reputations and might of his associ- 
ates, was soon entrenched there, And he 
followed another pursuit that was to en 
trance him all his life: He became one of 
the master jewel thieves of the era. 

Costello, meanwhile, was ubiquitous. 
Quiet, dignified, radiating success and 
power, he became the go-between for the 
underworld and the Tammany polit 
cians, succeeding Rothstein in that role. 
But pulling the strings of politics was 
only one Costello role. Backed by a 
540,000 loan from Rothstein, Costello 
went into partnership with Big Bill Dwy- 
er. By the middle of the 
decade, both had become million: 
The Government would charge Dwye 
with evading more than $2,000,000 in 
taxes in just two years—taxes, that is, and 
not income. The partnership broke up in 
1925, when both were indicted for bribery 
and rumrunning. Costello beat the rap 
and rose steadily upward: Dwyer, how 
ever, was conyicted and sent to the Fed 
cral prison in Atlanta, When he emerged, 
he decided to go straight, becoming a re- 
nowned sportsman who brought profes 
sional hockey to New York, opened race 
tracks around the country, including 
Tropical Park near Miami, and eventual. 
ly settled down in Miami to a life of rich 
respectability. But Dwyers departure 
signaled more than the end of a s 
man: it also marked the end of 
the influence of the Irish as leading un 
derworld figures in New York went with 
him, and the Italians and the Jews now 
moved to the fore. 

Dwyer, though, w of Costel 
105 partners. Costello teamed up in brew- 
ery and bootlegging enterprises with 
Owney “The Killer” Madden, an English 
born gunman who had served a term in 
Sing Sing for murder. Suave and su 
Madden was eventually sent down to Hot 
Springs, Arkansas, to oversee the Mob's 
growing interests in that wide-open resort 
town. 

And Costello was into morc. With a for 
mer Rothstein Wall Street operator and 
swindler named Dandy Phil Kastel, he 


er as a гиш 


ires. 


ngle 
ne 


only or 


branched out into gambling, gaining a 
near monopoly on the punchboards u 
infested every candy store in town, and 
the two soon secured a monopoly over the 
abundant slot machines. Later, Kastel 
would ov the Costello interests in 
New Orleans. 

Inseparable in these years, Lansky and 
Siegel not only worked closely with their 
friends and partners but also took off 
from the Legs Diamond trade. Bringing 
together the toughest Jewish hoods they 
could round up. they formed the Bugs 
and Meyer Mob. With their cars and 
guns, they were the protection service lor 
the group's booze shipments, and they 
were its hijacking arm. Selling their serv- 
ices to the highest noncompeting bid 
ders on a freelance basis, they would 
protect or hijack—it didn’t mauer which. 
"The quality of their service was excep- 
tional, but the price was high and soon, 
rather than paying Bı Meyer, 
many a bootle ed it would be 
a lot simpler and cheaper just to cut them 
in as partners. But. they soon discovered 
that they were geuing more than Lansky 
and Siegel as partners; they were getting 
Adonis, Costello and Luciano, too, which 
often meant that the original owners be- 
came servants or were forced out alto- 
gether. 

To those who watched closely, it be- 
came evident that Luciano was emerging 


and 


as the leader among these equals and as 
one of the rising young powers in the un- 
derworld. Behind Adonis in the Broad- 
way Mob, there was Luciano. He had his 
own bootlegging going, too. He was in- 
volved with Costello in almost everything 
Costello did, and with Lansky and Siegel 
He was in partnership with Zwillman and 


Moretti in a number of their deals and 
had mership, too, with Gordon. 
Schultz was his friend and, at times, part 
ner. In the Garment District, he was 
working with Lepke and Lepke's strong 
gun, Jacob "Gurrah" Shapiro, and with 
the rising young Thomas Lucchese, known 
as “Three " Brown, union and 


management protection rackets, 


and all the rest. There seemed to 
be hardly an area of crime in Manhattan 
in which Luciano was not involved i 
some way. As his power and stature i 
creased, he was wooed inten: 
competing Mafia rulers, 
Masseria and Ma 
worked at times with one and then the 
other, cooperated with them when need 
be, he delayed until late in the decade 
making the decision to join one. Before 
he would become an underling, even sec 
ond man, he wanted his own power to be 
substantial enough to allow him to set the 
terms of a merger. And during this period 
of his rise, his power base lay in his part 
nerships with Costello, Adonis, Lansky 


loan. 


hough he 


п his dea 
young princelings. 
The longer Prohibition lasted, the 
deeper seemed to become the thirst of 
Americans. Prices kept going up, both in 
the domestic market and at foreign 
sources of supply. Comp n for those 
supplies among rival bootleggers intensi- 
fied. In order to keep the customers 
happy, in order just to keep them, the 
bootlegger had to be able to fill his orders 
promptly and at a competitive price. In а 
time of mounting demand, this was not 
hrough 1926 and 1927, hi 
КҮ increased sharply, and so did 
the almost concomitant casualties. Lansky 
might go to Nassau and buy all he needed 
from the Bay Street Boys, but there was 
increasing dai that somewhere be- 
tween Atlantic City and the Philadelphia 
. or somewhere between the 
s and the point of delivery, the 
might be hijacked. A deal could. 
be struck with Dalitz and his Cleveland 
friends, with the Reinfelds, Brontmans 
and Rosenstiels in С, » but there was 
no guara that vital whiskey 
would ever reach The 


ags with the other 


the 
its desti 
Bugs and Meyer Mob was constantly on 
the road, protecting the shipments of the 


ion. 


irtners, hijacking those of competitors. 
But this was a dangerous and costly game, 
cutting into the profits and the personnel 
and potentially bringing the East to the 


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PLAYBOY 


236 


MANOVERBPARD! 


edge of a Chicagolike war. In a number of 
Eastern. cities, the realization that there 
had to be a better way seemed to strike al- 
most simultaneous! 

Rothstein had arways preached the ab- 
solute necessity of cooperation. So, too, 
had Torrio, his contemporary and his in 
tellectual equal. Now Torrio was back 
from Italy; he had discovered that the 
climate there was nearly as treacherous as 
in Chicago, for Mussolini had dec 
that he was going to round up 
can hoodlums he found in I 


packed his bags and set sail for home. In 
New York, he immediately renewed his 
contacts with his old underworld friends 
nd promptly began ro echo the Roth. 
c that competition was bad for 
business and so was violence— just. look 
at Capone in Chicago. 

But what Rothstein and Torrio were 
talking about was not just cooperation 


jong the gangs of a single city like New 
York. That would come eventually and 


ble and should be 
the moment, it was 
only partially practical; the rivalries— 
ethnic, religious and genera 
were just too deep to bring about more 
than a temporary truce. The cooper: 
they saw as attainable was sectional and, 
ultimately, Instead of every- 
body from every city competing with one 
nother in search of booze, there should 


was eminently de 


worked for, but a 


ional— 


tion 


be some sort of merger. At the very least, 
central buying office should be estab- 
lished that would take the orders from ev- 
eryone, buy in huge quantities and, since 
there would be no competition, at re- 
duced prices, then make sure everyone 
got his allocation. The buying office 
would make its purchi da, 
nd, the West Indies, from domestic 
levies, everywhere; it would make 
the shipping arrangements and handle 
tucking schedules. A member from every 
group that joined would se 
of central committee to make sure tha 
nobody got shortchanged. This kind of 
cooperation would benefit everybody; it 
would guarantee that every member got 
all the booze he needed at reasonable 
prices; it would sharply cut down on 
the number of hijackings since they 
wouldn't be hijacking one another's ship- 
ments anymore and, in combination, their 
guns would be numerous enough to tu 
back any outsiders who tried. 

At the end of 1927, that organi 
came into being. It was called the Seven 
Group—not a group of seven men but a 
group of powers. Its charter members 
cluded Luciano and Costello from Man- 
hattan; Lansky and Siegel, the enforcers; 
Adonis fr m Manhattan and Brooklyn: 
Zwillman from Brooklyn, Long Island 
and northern New Jersey; Nucky Joh 
son from Atlantic City; Waxey Gordon 
and Nig Rosen from Ph 
Torrio, as counselor, adv 


es in 


m 


vc on a kind 


or, elder states- 


nd as a major underworld power 
in his own right. From this central core, 
alliances were formed with King Solo- 
mon in Boston, Danny Walsh in Provi- 
dence, Moe Dalitz and his associates in 
Cleveland. Within the year, more than 


22 gangs, from Maine to Florida and 
westward to the Mississippi River, were 
nked to the Seven Group and much of 


1 
the bloody competition that had marked 
the first eight years of Prohibition came 
to an cnd (except in Chicago, which 
wrote its own special story for the decade) 
and the first tentative steps had bee 
taken toward an 
alliance of nation 

But the underworld does not act in a 
vacuum unaffected by outside events, And 
there were some disturbing omens for 
anyone who thought that Prohibition had 
an unlimited future. Now that boot- 
legging was beginning to emerge from 
chaotic competition into monopolistic 
organization with increasing profits and 
peace for all, the realization began to 
seep in that Prohibition itself might be 
only a temporary national aberration, 
that liquor might well become legal again. 
‘The signs were there. Governor Al Smith 
of New York had for years made no secret 
of his disdain for the drys, his absolute 
conviction Prohibition not only 
wasn't working but was actually dele- 
terious to the nation. Now, in 1928, the 
Democrats nominated Smith to run for 
President against the Republican Herbert 
Hoover, and $ 
for an end to the Noble 
across the nation. In November, Hoove, 
trounced Smith badly, but the reasons for 
the defeat were many—not just Smith's 
wetness. He was a Catholic in a Proto- 
tant country; he was a city boy—a Lower 
East Side New York City boy, at that, 
vith the cigar, derby and accent—in a 
still essentially rural country; and he was 
a Democrat running against a Republi- 
can, and the Republicans had brought 
the nation cight years of unparalleled 
prosperity and good times. 

But the indications were clear that 


Smith's demand for repeal of the 18th 
rejected as 


Amendment had not. beei 
fully as he himself. Indeed, 
happened to the economy 
months before hi 
friends that he saw some very d 
turbing signs on Wall Street and around 
the count doing well, 
ind trouble on 


g to reach 


beginning to look to him like one big 
bucket shop, and he knew from experi- 
ence that bucket shops could go on for 
only so long before collapsing—nobody 
was going to be able to stand in the way 
of the people's getting a legal drink. 
“Boys,” Torio told his friends in New 
York soon after the election, “we'd better 


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PLAYBOY 


238 


t planning. I give Prohibition anoth- 
four. maybe five years.” 

But planning for a new and unknown 
future was а vast and complex undertak- 
ing. far beyond the scope of a single or- 
ation. In the underworld in those 
months, there was increasing talk of the 
desirability of a national conference of 
underworld leaders, especially of those 
who had emerged with Prohibition and 
so were young enough to expect to lead 
rime into this unexplored territory. The 
proposals went around the nation and by 
carly spring of 1929. there was unanimous 
agreement. that such a conference ought 
to be held, and soon. Dalitz and hi 
friends in Gleveland—which had been 
the scene of smaller mectings—oficred to 
be the hosts. But the Glevekind cops. 
though on the pad. had developed the 
annoying tendency of picking up suspi- 
outoftown mobsters they 
pened to spot and throwing them i 
can for a few hours. Any major influx of 
outoktowners would certainly mean а 
great deal of undesirable publicity and 
Harassment. Dalitz’ offer was politely de- 
clined, Then Nucky Johnson offered the 
sanctuary of his bastion in Atlantic City. 
What could be safer? Johnson ruled the 
town like a personal fiefdom. And, be 
sides, if the conference were held at the 
beginning of the holiday season 
thousands were flocking to the se 
sort, who would notice a few extra visi- 
tors, eve. very rich ones? 

On May 13, 1929, in their huge limou- 
sines, with chauffeurs and armed body- 
guards to protect them. the delegates 
began arriving, taking over the President 
Hotel on the Bo 
from Chicago and brought 
visor 
al brains in h 
Thumb” Guz 
down personally from Boston and Nig 
Rosen and Boo-Boo Holl came up hom 
Philadelphia id there were 
Moe Dalitz Lou Rothkopf and Chuck 
Polizzi (his real name was Leo Berko- 
witz; an orphan, he had been raised by 
the Polizzi family lopted its 
name; with his adopted cousin, “Big Al" 
Polizzi, he would become one of the lead- 
ing Cleveland mobsters, the man who 
could deal with and be accepted by both 
the Jewish and the Tt ons). 
The Detroit Purple Gang sent a large 
delegation headed by its boss, Abe Bern- 
stein. Boss Tom Pendergast of Kansas 
City couldn't take time off to attend per- 
sonally, but he sent a surrogate, John 
Lazia. Zwillman was there as the northern 
New Jersey power. And from New York 
came the largest and most prestigious 
delegation of all. It included To} 
ciano; Costello; Lepke: Adoni: 
ne of Costello's р: n the gami 
d bookmaking business, Frank F 
son; Lansky, using the occasion to cele- 


long hi 
d, some thou 
outfit, Jake 
g Solomon 


r 


drove 


ian organizati 


ners 


brate his honeymoon with his new bride, 
Anna Citron: Vince Mangano: Frank 
Scalise. a Brooklyn mafioso; and Albert 
Апам 


ag Masser 
ion Luciano and 
had finally thrown in with, on th 
bout a year earlier, with Luciano emerg- 
ing as the number two man to Mass 
atore Maranzano. who w 
er competition with Joe the Boss 
rule. In fact, the list of delegates 
cluded not a single one of the older 
Mafia rulers around the . those the 
younger genera 
Petes. Perhaps, if invited. they would not 
have come, for they disdained outsiders, 
were suspicious to the extreme of any- 
thin 
and this meeting was swar 
ad other non 
absence permitted Luciano, Costello, 
Adonis, Lansky and the others to lorm 
Tricndshipsand forge alliances that would, 
in a few years. propel them to the top of 
the new organization of the underworld 
and would spell doom for those who 
stayed away, uninvited. 

The Atlantic City conference 
three da 


But. their 


ans. very 


ted 
intermingling gaierv—Nucky 
avish host, providing car- 

od whiskey, high-priced 
d a never-ending p 
of willing girls—and serious business di 
cussions. Rest periods found the gang- 
sters strolling along the beach with their 


trousers rolled up around their knees, 
their shoes and socks in their hands. their 
feet washed by the lapping surf of the 


Atlantic Ocean. 

For the first time in the history of 
American crime, the major leaders of the 
underworld were not only gathered in 
peaceful enclave but were looking to, and 
planning for. the future. The success of 
the Seven Group was held up as a model, 
and there was general agreement that as 
long as Prohibition lasted, this was the 
way to go: from that time on. there would 
be cooperation all across the nation in 
buying and dealing booze, an end to c 
throat competition. When Prohibition 
ended. as all were now convinced it 
would, there was the possibility of going 
legit. Money would be sct aside for tha 
day. Breweries, distilleries and 1 
проте franchises would be bought and 
the control of liquor would remain right 
where it had been during the dry years. 
“After all,” Luciano said, "who knew 
about the liquor business than из?" 
completely legitimate w: 
something, of course. that nobody at At- 
lantic City ever contemplated. Even with 
liquor out of the way, there were myriad 
other illegitimate enterprises into which 
they could move, and there were enter- 
prises they were already in that could be 
expanded sulliciently to take up some of 


пот- 


But 


the slack. Some wi 


stricily local, such as 
protection and union busting, even poli 
cy and other forms of minor gambling. 
While they were certain to grow, each out- 
fit would handle its own without interfer- 
ence. But there were some that could 
ily mushroom on a national scale, re- 
re the cooperation and alliance of 
nization and might end up even 
bigger than booze. Gambli 
major one, in casinos of a 
horses and any other kind of spor 
event. If Americans liked to do апу 
better than drink (putting sex aside, 
though sex, through the control of strin 
of cathouses, was still a good business for 
many), it was to gamble. And except on 
horses and then only at the tracks, gam- 
bling in most places in the United States 
was just as illegal as liquor. The mobs 
would begin to work out ways to give the 
public every opportunity to gamble, and 
would do so in cooperation where that 
was feasible, as, for example, in the dis- 
s ion of racing odds and results 
cross the race wires, and deals would he 
worked out with Moses Annenberg, who 
controlled the wire syndicate. 

The New York group. led by Torrio. 
Luciano and their friends, and backed by 
Daliz and his friends from Cleveland 
aud others; opened up a discussion of the 
unfortunate increase in underworld vi 
lence, particularly in Chicago. While vio- 
lence and force were part of the business 
nd were sometimes necessary, the way 
Capone was going at it, witness the Saint 
Valentine's Day Massacre, was just too 
much. This was hurting everybody, Forc- 
ing the cops and the politicians to put the 
heat on. Something had to be done to get 
the heat off. Capone agreed and set up a 
deal. The most prominent of the nation's 
gangsters and the most voluble advocate 
of violence would stand an 
short jail term on a minor charge as a sop. 
to the public outcries. 

Then, on May 16, the delegates packed 
and went home. 

Before the next major steps could be 
taken and the national Syndicate could 
really come into being, those who stood 
in its way would have to be eliminated. 
Those of another gene ad another 
background so wedded to their traditions 
that they could not see into the future, 
could not see the necessity of cooperation 
and peace and businesslike methods, the 
necessity of working аз equal partners 
with those of different backgrounds, 
would Lave to follow the Irish into the 
garbage bin. They would not fade grace- 
fully, so they would have to go violently 


по, Costello and their allies 
went back to New York, to а war that 
nning- 


This is the third in a series of articles 
on organized crime in the United States. 


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