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YES, VIRGINIA, 
THERE'S STILL 
SEX IN CINEMA- 
12 PAGES' WORTH 


QUICK, BEFORE 
YOU GO BROKE! 
EVERYTHING YOU 
OUGHT TO KNOW 
ABOUT POKER 


ROBERT SHERRILL 
LOOKS FOR AN 
HONEST POLITICIAN 


@ “eg Бањ Ф реша showing 


afa д у now eah ! 


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2 


Я j З ў ТР, i e ; "f 
Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 3 i SOLE {, 4 VH I 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangercus to Your Health. s Si ^ 


ён к-де CI Dur 


UP PE 


dency, а 


PLAYBIL THE DAY BEFORE Richard Nixon resigned the Pre 


European newspaper observed that his political methods "were 
not only those of a poker player but of a man who cheats at poker.” We don't 
know if Nixon's played much poker lately, but we do know that he played—and 
won—quite a bit when he was in the Navy. We know because a couple of his victims 
have told us all about it in Full House at the White House, which is but one part 
of PH Play These, a package of articles dealing with various aspects of poker, as- 
sembled by Senior Editor G. Barry Golson—a persistent player who claims to have 
broken even over the years. In addition to Golson's history of the game, there's 
Jon Carroll's welltested playing tips; «count of a high- 
stakes Showdown in Vegas; and Hollywood sta Jack Lemmon and Telly 
Savalas in Table Talk. We've also dealt you nostalgia by authors! agent Scott 
Meredith—who looks back on the fabled poker shoot-outs between the N 
Brothers and assorted. literary lions in The Algonquin Games (it will reappear 
in his book George S. Kaufman and His Friends, which Doubleday is about to 
d a memoir by playwright Jack Richardson. who describes an en 
n Coming Down in Gardena (to be included 
book, Gambling). The acrylic illustration 
for Meredith's piece and the oil painting that accompanies Richardson's are by 
winning pair ol Chicago artists, Anton Jacobs and Gastone Bettilli 

Getting back to Nixon, he reappears as one of the main topics of conversation 
in this month's exclusive Playboy Interview with Hunter S. Thompson, the wild 
man who covers politics—with abandon but with perspicacity—lor Rolling Stone. 
We got such a puzzling picture of all-around Governmental incompetence from 
the Watergate revelations that we called Robert Sherrill—Washington editor of 
The Nation, author ol The Saturday Night Special and probably the toughest 
journalist in D.C.—and asked him to get us an answer to the simple question, 
Is Anybody Out There Doing His Job? He managed to find some worthies, but 
it wasn't easy. 

А more positive note is struck in God's Big Fix, by Richard Rhodes, who en- 
visions what the Û will be like after current research in thermonuclear Lusion 
provides us with a literally boundless supply of energy. Rhodes, a Guggenheim 
How for 1974, is writing a novel about the building ol the first atomic bomb. 
nce has also come up with a new way to watch TV: on a king-size home screen. 
Tom Zito, a Washington Post reporter, has the story in The Big Picture 

Speaking ol pictures—dirty ones—check out Jim Siegelman's Cheesecake Mad- 
ness to see how excessive ogling сап ruin your lite. Siegelman, a former Harvard 
Lampoon editor, swears that he can't recall writing the piece. H cheesecake photos 
do drive people crazy, the schizo wards will be full next month, because this issuc 
contains 12 pages of pictures to go with Arthur Knights look at Sex in Cinema— 
1974; Spectacular, a photographic tribute, by J. Frederick Smith, to gals who 
wear glasses; and а long look at Playmate Bebe Buell. There's also а cartoon fea- 
ture on The Aggressive Chick, by Alden Erikson, who reports t ound 
Ww re directing pom movies, painting erotic pictures, publish- 
g nasty unde nd God knows what else." 


Ww 


publish) — 
counter with a beauteous lady playe 
in his forthcoming Simon & Schuste 


Jead story 
the farcic 
uated by Sha 
Nicholas Mon: 


rleen Pederson, a Los Angeles 
rrat, whose Sex and the Single Screw has a maritime setting but 
is otherwise quite dillerent from his famous epic, The Cruel Sea; and longtime 
contributor Ray Russell, whose lable The Charm won't disappoint his fans. 
Тое plus our regular features and a few surprises—are what we're holding this 
month. Lt may be bad poker to reveal them, but we think it’s an unbeatable hand. 


VE 
эмпи N NIGHT ERIKSON 


vol. 21, no. 11—november, 1974 


PLAYBOY 


CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


PLAYBILL 3 
DEAR PLAYBOY n 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 19 
EROTICA.. 5 20 
BOOKS — ine 122. 
MOVIES 25 
The Legend RECORDINGS _ зв 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 55 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM 59 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: HUNTER THOMPSON —candid conversation 75 
THE LEGEND OF STEP-AND-A-HALF— fiction PAULREB 92 
SPEC-TACULAR—pictorial 7 
15 ANYBODY OUT THERE DOING HIS JOB?—orticle ROBERT SHERRILL 103 
THE BIG PICTURE—modern living TOM ZITO 104 
File: SPERRE SEX AND THE SINGLE SCREW—fiction - NICHOLAS MONSARRAT 107 
ГЦ PLAY THESE - 109 
WHO DEALT THIS MESS?—article G. BARRY GOLSON 110 
POKER'S GREATEST HITS—pictorial 110 
TABLE TALK—symposium MILTON BERLE, ELOTT GOULD, 
JACK LEMMON, WALTER MATTHAU, TELLY SAVALAS 11 
HOW NOT TO LOSE YOUR ASS—article JON CARROLL 112 
FULL HOUSE AT THE WHITE HOUSE ©. BARRY GOLSON 112 
THE ALGONQUIN GAMES—arlicle SCOTT MEREDITH 113 
COMING DOWN IN GARDENA—memoir JACK RICHARDSON 114 
SHOWDOWN IN VEGAS—article RICHARD WARREN LEWIS 114 
NEW DEALS—modern living ns 
NEVER, NEVER FOLD—humer. JIM MURRAY 115 
BEBE— playboy's playmate of the month 118 
PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor. = 128 
THE GOOD GUYS WEAR BLACK—attire ROBERT 1. GREEN 130 
GOD'S BIG FIX—orticle. RICHARD RHODES 136 
THE CHARM— fiction. RAY RUSSELL 139 
SUPER SOUPS OF 1974!—food.... GEORGE BRADSHAW 140 
CHEESECAKE MADNESS—humor JIM SIEGELMAN 143 
SEX IN CINEMA—1974—ailicle. ARTHUR KNIGHT 144 


THE VARGAS GIRL—picto ALBERTO VARGAS 156 


THE LAST TRUMI ald classic 157 
А PLAYBOY PAD: OPEN SESAME!—modern living 159 
THE AGGRESSIVE CHICK—humor ALDEN ERIKSON 162 
Public Servants PLAYBOY POTPOURRI... : E ce: E 206 


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AG WAY DE REPRINTED Th WHOLE OF IN FANT WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE PUBLISHER ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN т 
i ARSERALLT. OTHER PHOTOGRAPHY BY: BILL ARSEMAULT. P TOF DON AZUMA, P. 115: DAVE BANN. Р. 3. CHRISTINE 


MAPCA REGISTRADA. HARCUC DEFOSEE MO 


CLAUDIA JENNINGS. DESIGNED BY ARTHUR PAUL PHOTOGRAPHY BY Р 
тонн, P 3. тыг netrane ARCHIVE LCE W агзы P Y (2). тск ELUTE.» > SEFF COMEN- P 3, а T COLLINS. P з CULVER PICTURES. INC P 190 Gi): MALCOLM E 
©нмочз P 105 BILL FRANTZ P 3 CARL IM. P. 3 (2) DICK IZUN Р 143-141. POMPEO POSAR. P. 122 (51. 113 (5). SUTANNE SECO. P. 3 Û). SNOTVELL. P- 3. LINDA WHEELER. P 3 (2), WIDE WORLD 
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PLAYBOY. NOV UDES. ёте, VOL 2! мо 11 PURLISHED MONTHLY BY PLAYBOY IN RATIOVAL AND FEGIONAL Соттон PLAYBOY BLOG . #19 м MICHIGAN AVE .CHGO. ILL 6001. SECOND-CLASS POST- 


* Ж ! 


How to get about 2 
more drops out of 


Johnnie Walker Red. 


When your bottle of Johnnie Walker Red appears empty. place it under hot, scalding water, and 
more drops of the smooth} satisfying Scotch will appear. You can do the same thing with any empty 
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A 


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М, 


PLAYBOY 


Minolta helps you 
go for six. 


It's easier to get a winning shot with a camera that doesn't hold you back, 
a camera fast enough to catch the fleeting moment. 

You're comfortable with a Minolta SR-T from the moment you pick it up. 
This is the 35mm reflex camera that lets you concentrate on the picture, 
because the viewfinder shows all the information needed for correct ex- 
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a Minolta SR-T, so you're ready to catch the one photograph that could 
never be taken again. 

And when subjects call for a different perspective, Minolta SR-T cameras 
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Let a Minolta SR-T help you score. For more information, see your photo 
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кез minolta) gg 


{ E 


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1s your comero a means of self-expression? If so, enter the Minollo Creolive Photography Contest. Grand 
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oble prizes will be oworded. Nothing to buy. Minolta equipment not required. See your Minolic dealer 
for detoils ond regisirotion. Or write: Minolta Creative Phologrophy Contest, Box 1831, Bloir, Neb. 68009. 


Use REACTS Card—Page 235. 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH м. HEFNER 
editor and publisher 
ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director. 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 
SHELDON WAX managing editor 
MARK KAUFFMAN photography editor 


SHER assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL, 

DAVIN BUTLER editor « FICTION 
ROME MACAULEY editor, STANLEY PALEY associ 
ate editor, VICTORIA CHEN HAIDER, WALTER SUB. 
LITE assistant editors = SERVICE FEATURES: 
том owen modern living editor, ROGER 
WIDENER assistant edilor; ROBERT L. GREEN 
fashion director, DAVID PLATT fashion 
editor; THOMAS mawo food & drink editor 
САКТОО! масиғы Е URRY editor « COPY 
ARLENE BOURAS edifor, STAN AMBER assistant 
editor « ST С. BARRY GOLSON, GEOFFREY 
NORMAN, KODEKT. J. SHEN, DAVID SFEVENS senior 
editors: LAURENCE CONZALES, REG TOFTERTON, 
DAVID STANDISH staff writers; DOUGLAS BAU- 
ER, DOUGLAS C. BENSON, WILLIAM J. HELMER, 
GRETCHEN MG мезг, CARE SNYDER associate 
editors; JONN kLUMENTHAL, J. F. O'CONNOR, 
JAMES к. PETERSEN, ARNIE WOLFE. assistant 
editors; SUSAN MEISLER, MARIA NEKAM, BARBARA 
NELLIS, KAREN PADDERUD, LAURIE SADLER, NER- 
NICE Т. ZIMMERMAN research editors; J. PAUL 
cerry (business & finance), NAT HINTOFE, 
XICHAED RHODES, KAY RUSSELL, JEAN SMEP 
LIAMSON (movies), JOHN SROW 
editors + ADM 
SERVICES: PATRICIA YAP 
tive editor; Rost JENNINES rights © permissions: 
MILDRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant 


ART 
JOM втА ГЕ, КЕКИ: FORT asociate directors 
BON POST, ROY MOODY, LEN WILLIS, CHET SUSKI, 
GORDON MORTENSEN, JOSEPH PACZER assistant 
directors; jutye FILERS, VICTOR HURMARD, 
GLENN STEWARD art assistants; W. MICHAEL 
SISSON executive assistant; EVE WECKMANN 
administrative assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 
MARILYN GKABOWSKI west coast editor: 
GARY COLE, nonas WAYNE associate cdi 
lors; шиа. suits dechuical editor; RUM 
ARSENAULT, DAUD CHAN, RICHARD TEGLEY, 


DWIGHT ноокен, гомгко rosak slaf) pho 
logiaphers; тох AZUMA. MU. and MEL. FICGE 
BRIAN D. HENNESSEY, ALFENAS URBA contrib: 
uting photographers; WA. FRANTZ associate 
photographer; уузу jonsson assistant 
editor; iro Keio photo lab supervisor; 
ЈАМСЕ weRKOWITZ moss chief stylist; 
ROBERT CHELIUS administrative: editor 


PRODUCTION 
JOUN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARCO man- 


ager; ELEANOR WAGNER, RITA JONNSON, 
MARIA MANDIS, RICHARD QUARTAROLI assistants 


READER SERVICE 
CAROLE CRAIG director 


CIRCULATION 
THOMAS WIMIAMS customer 
BEN coronene director of newsstand sales; 
ALVIN WIEMOLD subscription manager 


services; 


ADVE! 
nowar w. LEDERER advertising director 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
копгит s. manager 
associate publisher: RICHARD S. ROSENZWEIG 
executive assistant to the publisher; 
RICHARD м. Korr assistant publisher 


rertss business and 


Gen. U.S. Importers: Van Munching & Со. Inc.. N.Y. N.Y. 


tastes tremendous 


IMPORTED HEINEKEN. IN BOTTLES, ON DRAFT AND DARK BEER. 


PLAYBOY 


Once upon a time, all cars 
were more or less the same. 

Then along came sports 
cars, economy cars, 


SIOPS SIRAIGHT 
IN ITS TRACKS. 


a sedan that has sports car 
ҮЗ) features. But how many of 
> them really are, though? 
Enter the Fox by Audi: a 
real,true sports sedan. 
Its front-wheel drive makes 
itincredibly surefooted. 


TAKES 
TURNS NIMBLY. 


The latest of which 
PW isthe“sports sedan? (It also gives you that traction 
Whichis supposed to be || you need to help get you 


through the snow.) ithas anamazingly small ap- 


It has the same type of petite:25miles per gallon. 
racicand-pinion = lis price is relatively small 
steering and “also:$3975* 


independent The interior, we might 
суа mention, is relatively large: 

seats five, comfortably. And 
it has an amount of trunk 
space almost unbelievable 
fora car this size. Its interior, 
bythe way is fairly smart, too, 
with things like fully-reclining 
contoured seats and door- 
to-door pile carpeting. 
front suspension that are If you're in the market for a 
found on some ofthe finest “sports sedan; try a true 
sports cars. This allows it sports sedan:the Fox by Audi. 
to take turns with an agility You'll drive happily ever 
remarkable for a sedan. after. 

We also put something in 
the Fox so advanced, sports 
cars don't even have it yet. 
A special front axle design 
that helps prevent swerving 
when you stop under 
certain adverse conditions. 
(Speaking of stopping, the 
Fox's front disc brakes and 


TROIS 
AT 97 MPH. 


radial-ply tires enable it to DDESNT 

stop practically on a dime.) ЕЕ 
Most extraordinary of alll, 

despite the fact that this 


peppy little creature's over- 

head-cam engine can do 

0 to50in 8.4 seconds and 
has a top speed of 97 


THER DEALE 


Wher 


ў аны cigarette 2. 
tasting, flat? ur 


Come up to pure menthol кі: 
and enjoy the taste — 7: 
of extra coolness. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined Э 0.9mg.nicotine ш ШШШ) 

=| That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. | = Now, lowered tar КОРІ Milds 
` Milds, 13 mg. "tar," 0.9 mg. nicotine; Kings, 17 mg, “tar,” 1.3 mg. nicotine; 
Longs. 17 mg. "tar." 1.2 mg. nicotine. av. per cigarette. ЕТС Report Mar. 74 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


VIEWING VON DANIKEN 
Your August interview with Erich von 

Düniken is a masterpiece of exposé 
Probing questions by Timothy 
make Von Di paint himself into 
corner. He comes out as a mau intent on 
fooling himself as well as the reading 
public. 1 find it hard to believe that he 
could advance a theory with such. flimsy 
support and expect anyone to take him 
seriously. And even though he refers to 
himself as a scientist and a theologian, 1 
now sec him for what he is: a second-rate 
con man. 

Morris H. Brown. 

Winston Salem, North Carolina 


ls. fallacies and folklore have long 
been closely associated. with both astror 
omy and ardiacology—subjects with 
which most laymen are not well ac- 
quainted. Professional scientists. would 
like nothin; to find hard cvi- 
dence of extat intelligence; it 
would be the most exciting and impor- 
taut discovery of our lives. But, unlike 
Von Däniken, we do not perpeuate a 
sham on the public by pretending that 
such evidence exists when it docs not. 
Perhaps this is а time of deceit—by high 
officials im Government as well as by 
self-proclaimed experts in science. In 


that light, I think your interview with 
Von Däniken is an important public 
servic 


George O. Abell, Chairman 
Department of Astronomy 
University of California 
Los Angeles, California 


I have been reading Von Düniken's 
books since they first came out and have 
lot of stock in his words. After 
iding your interview, however, I have 
come to the conclusion that Von Däni- 
ken is misleading a great many people. 
He couldn't support, to my satisfaction, 
onc claim Ferris contested. 

Steven De Simone 
Needham, Massachusens 


Did you dispatch Ferris to interview 
or 10 persecute Von Däniken? If it was 
the later, L would like to congratulate 
n outstanding job. 1 disagree 

ny of Von Diiniken’s theories, 
but 1 get the impresion Ferris intent 


was to prove Von Däniken a fraud. H I'd 
been Von Düniken, 1 would have told 
Ferris to kiss my as halfway through 
that interview. 


Mansfield, Ohio 


Ferris’ badgering of Von Däniken 
overlooks the fact that the author of 
Chariots of the Gods? lias stimulated dis- 
cussion about the origins of our civiliza 
tion. Even if he is wrong, and he could 
well be. Von Däniken has compelled us 
to contemplate our past. If Ferris can't 
see that, then he might as well stop work 
on his book about the search for the 
edge of the universe until he at least can 
find the edge of his nose. 

Steve Norris 
Su Charle 


. Missouri 


In the interview, Ferris disputes the 


city of Von Düniken's report on a 
cave in China by citing an investigation 
that supposedly proved Von Diu 


wrong on the grounds that the investiga- 
tor had never heard of the cave and had 
never heard of Chine: ames anything 


like Chi Pu Tei or Tsum Um Nui. Ac- 
cording to Sheila Ostr nd Ly 
Schroeder's Psychic Discoveries. Behind 
the Iron Curtain, Soviet arch 
believe the cave does e: 
confirm that archacologists hav. 
ered sets of stone disks hearing insaip- 
tions of which Von Däniken speaks. The 
disks were grooved like gramophone rec 
ords, with symbols that, wh 
wold of creztures. "landing their craft 
and meeting the local tribes, just as Von 


Dainiken says. As for the Chine: nes 
involved, I can tell you that Chi Pu Tei 
sounds Chinese. Tsum Um Nui appears 


10 be Vietnamese, but it is not impossible 
10 find such а mame in China. 
Agnes K. Oh 
Ames, lowa 


Even though you may disagree with 
Von Däniken, it still does not seem 
reasonable to me that of the bi 
years of our planet's history, only the 
past 6000 to 7000 have been reserved lor 
intelligent man. It might not be possible 
10 prove Von Diiniken’s theories, but it 
is almost impossible to disprove them as 


ions of 


PLAYBOY, NOVEMBER, (574. VOLUME 21. NUMBER эт. TUBLISHED MONTHLY BY PLAYBOY, PLAYEOY BUILDING. 919 NORTH MICHIGAN 
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PLAYBOY 


12 


well Who is to say that we who live 
today have the most advanced. civiliza- 
tion е: known? 
Charles Н. Underwood 
Nashville, Tennessee 


Your interview shows that Von Элп 

kew's theo у to his na- 

tive Swiss cheese: Both are full of holes. 
Andrea Edelson 


Honolulu, Hawa 


e very simi 


ROCK^N-ROLL WOME 
Fm a rock musician, won 
mothe order, and I was del 
ed to sec your pictorial Brou 
avnoy, August) on rock singer 
ar. Tve admired Leni 
work for many years. By publishing pho- 
tos of a woman who's borne a child, 
youre helping to quash the myth that 
all mothers look like 
а sure doesn't. 
Sharon Davenport 
Esta 


" Sugar 


cows. Claudi 


CRIME MARCHES ON 

Thank you for your final installment 
of Playboy s History of Organized Crime 
(rLaynoy, July). The entire series, in fact, 
was excellently written and the caption 
text was fasein 


Robert Greenberg 
Laverock, Pennsylvania 


Hment ol 
4 Crime 


The June ins 
History of Organiz 


Playboy's 


contains 


nent on union corruption that is 
ding. Author Richard Hammer 
writes that one former union officer's 


of the butchers was matched, it 
string of officials 


eeded, һу. 


in - - . the Textile Workers Uni: 1 
others.” Any reading of the era makes it 
plain that the u Пу involved 
was the United Textile Workers of 
America not the Textile Workers 
Union of Americ The record also 


shows that at no time whatsoever has the 
Textile Workers Union of America been 
involved in any inm 
practices. 

Henry C. Wo 
extile Workers 1 
New York, New York 


THE LAW VS. THE LADIES 

James McKinley's report, Down and 
Ош and Female (вълувоу, August), de 
tailing mistreatment of women by our 
Taw-enforcement system, is splendid. 
McKinley's style makes his bleak, ugly 
but report worth 


theless factual 


Reuben Jones 
averte, Towa 


In Down and Out and Female, | quote 
Ron Robinette, а Kansas City police of 


licer, as saying. “Crime’s always been 
опе of the puberty rites for. chicks i 
black districts. Now it's popular all 


over." Robinette—whom I and his de- 
partment know to be an outstandin; 
profesional law-enforcement olficer— 
vigorously denies saying this. He хаух he 
does not at all believe black female 
lescents are excessively prone to ci 
let alone that 
adulthood. 


ies McKinley 
City. Missouri 


Кап 


HEARTS SPECIALISTS 

The Hard Hearts, your August article 
on five of the meanest men in the 
describes Oakl. ^s owner Cl 
Finley crumb 


х "a bum 


league by himsell . 
tory and а дето 
among sporting gentlemen, а tyr 
spec i 


alizes in humiliating his men." Out- 
ding leaders are in а league by 


themselves and Charlie's leadership. is 
unquestionable. In moments of victory 
he is gracio warding those who 


cared the victory with new contracts, 
bonus payments and other benefits. In 
defeat. Charlie rellects, reviews and uses 
various methods of encouragement. Re- 
cently, Gene Autry, owner of the Cali 
fornia Angels and ап experienced 
businessman, described Charlie O, as “a 
man's man and a great man.” which ap- 
parently would nullify the author's label 
of “сай among tlemen 
The Charlie O. I a thoroughly 
hard-working. dedicated, progressive, in- 
ielligent and dynamic man who is emo- 
tionally involved in promoting his 
business and. sport scs. If the 
author had done his homework on him. 
he might have concluded that to many 
thousands of little people, Charlie O. 
one of leaders of 
Seve 


sporing g 
know is 


the ошман the 


Lies. 


Anne Т. O'Neil 
0. Hlinois 


For 


ег became th 
you wrote i 


.S. judge of whom 
The Hud Hearts. Ab 
though Guinn and I were never in the 
same camp politically or socially, we 
were, P believe, pretty much in agree 


ment that criminals have no constitu 
tional rights. Oh. we probably did 

Tew of the so-called rights of 
crimi perlormance of our duties. 


But any such mistakes came from our 
oath of ofice “to protect the lives and 
ies of the citizens of the e ol 
L for опе, could do with a lot 
nest Guim 


R. 
ЕР 


Lovelace 


о. Texas 


г accuses Judge Guinn of 
ed. unfair and prone to 
tion of defendants in his 
nowhere docs your writer con 
s he 


court. Bi 
sider whether or not the defenda 


mentions were guilty, In. addition, he 
criticizes the judg се of meting 
out lighter sentences to those who plead 
guilty. But this is an accepted pr 
our Federal jurisprudence, as has been 
well known since Watergate. 

Patricia Ren 

El Paso, Texas 

Judge Ernest Guinn passed away as we 

went Lo press, 


I do not care in the least what 
PLAYBOY or its anonymous scribe may 
think of me as a critic, but one statement 
in the aride The Hard. Hearts is a cert 


fable lie and a slander. 


Henry Jaglom’s 


film 4 Safe Place mi deed, have 
been hised at the New York. Film Festi- 
val (quie а few films are) but I was 


not present ng and did not 
bring any hissery with me, nor did I go 
up to Jaglom afterward, аз your writer 
that 1 would similarly 
disrupt all future showings of his film. I 
A Safe Place at an earlier. pri- 
d went only for the 
followed the festival 
of Jaglom’s movie. Later on. in 
the lobby, 1 did glimpse Jaglom, but 
there were no words between us and T 
made no such threat as you baselessly 
and slanderously report. without. verily- 

gations, which could stem 
other than Jaglom himself, 

ve in strong. 

abhor organized d 


on 


diluted 
m, I ruption 
пу other form of nonliterary inter- 
much that 
case of 4 
such that 1 
: besides, 


ference with а film. however 
film may disple: 
Safe Place, my ca 
didn't even bother to review 
very stupid person would 

ie so bad that it speedily 


1 ol 


only 


sabotage а mov 
dug its own grave without ne 
side help. It opened to rotten по 
total public apathy and disappeared with- 
ощ a trace within a few days. 

John Simon 

New Vork, New York 

Jaglom replies: 

Perhaps Simon forgets his offensive 
outbursts and tantrums us fast as he makes 
them, they being so numerous that 1 sup- 
pose it would be excessive to expect hun 
to retain the memory of them once he has 
spewed them out. Perhaps, indeed, he 
didn't see “A Safe Place" at the New York 
Film Festival showing, as he now claims, 
but on seeing me afterward, prior to the 
panel discussion, he insisted that he had 
and took proud responsibility Jor the 
hissing. Every word in your piece is асси. 
Tate. Simon did state, loudly and for all 
in the lobby of the Lincoln Center to 
hear, “Every time this incomprehensible 
piece of shit is shown, ГИ sec to it that it 
gets hissed.” What is grim about all this 
is nol that such a man can disrupt a film. 
There is no way о] controlling that. “A 
Safe Place,” a film that deals with а wom- 
an's oppression and her struggle for 
ith 


consciousness, obviously conflicted 


BN 


3MANMAR 


PLAYBOY 


14 


The ha 
Gordo 


То a vodka drinker, 


happiness is smoothness. 


Smooth mixing. 
Smooth tasting. 


And smooth going down. 


Gordon'sis the vodka with @ ~~ 
the Patent on smoothness. 


That’s why Gordon’s is y m 


the Happy Vodka. 


So make it Gordon's. 


And make it happy. 


~ 'BOPROOF. DISTILLED FROM GRAIN. GORDON'S DRY GIN CO. LTD. LINDEN, NJ. 


Ppy vo = 


и Emi 
pow 


@ 
VODKA 


pa 
—, 


DN 


Simon's well-documented hang-ups about 
women, hang-ups that have forced him in 
the past to denigrate actresses whose pow- 
er offends him. This would be merely 
worthy of our compassion if he weren't 
constantly given respectable forums by 
the sensation-secking media. Finally, 1 
can address myself best lo his chavacteri- 
ion of “A Safe Place" and to why it 
triggered such an outrageous response, 
by quoting Anais Nin, in her review: 
"All the subtle dreams and fantasies 
which color our experience are captured 
here. Here isa dimension left out of other 
films, a new vision, more encom passing. of 
feeling, tenderness and beauty. What 
makes for loneliness, “А Safe Place’ says, 
is our inability to shave our dreams. 
Those who fail to understand this film 
will drive themselves and others to the 
safe place of nonexistence.” 


e with your wri 
of critic John Simon. My only regret is 

Simon's pretentious use of polysyl- 
labic words was gled out for criti- 
such. This head honcho of tt 
ch school of reviewing actually 


s assessment 


review of a King Lear revival; and if 
doesn't take nerve, | don't know 
what docs. 


Gerald R. Williams 
Norman, Oklahoma 
BAND MAN 
article Band 
August) is one of the best 
pieces I've ever seen in pLavnoy. We 
who were in the band knew he was writ- 
g about us, bur it’s still a shock to sce 
all that shit in print in a national maga 
zine, He has a real talent for bri 
people and their stories to life with words. 
Wolfman 
Belli 


Gonzales? 


Texas. 


Since I've been exposed more in your 
azine than any of your | Im 
faced with doing one of two t hid 
ing or writing. Calch-22's ex-Pfc. Winter- 
green would have played absolute hob. 
with that motherfucker Gonzales. He 
would have edited about half that shit 
to Cleveland. somewhere, “Tuo prolix, 
t And, besides, Spook gets all 
the good lines. Gonzales really did it up, 


» prol 


though. People 1 don't even know ce 
up to me with “I ber il 
“How could you do il man, 1 
guess I ought to be glad about all the 
stull Gonzales left out. 1 have dor 
shakin’ around to see about those guys 
in the band still in town. They've all 
quietly dropped out of sigh, with the 
exception of ЄЗ, who just looks at the 
pictures, anyway. 


you" or 


some 


sh 
Houston, Texas 


| "This is just about the best. 
I've had a Pontiac, a VW, a Plymouth, a Jag, an Austin 
Healy Sprite. And now | feel I got twice the car for the 
money. 
| I checked mileage a few times when | first bought it, 
7" and it always did good. About 32 in the city. 
___ But! don't figure it out too much anymore. 


I'm too busy loving the ca — 


Lee Childs, Seattle, Washington 


yo; 


а 'ed гапытизыо е m 


Honda Civic. More miles of smiles than anybody. 


You can gain new skills as an 
electronics troubleshooter in a 
fascinating leam-at-home 
program from Bell £ Howell 
Schools that includes building 
and experimenting with a new 
generation color TV. 


IF you're like most men, deep down inside there's still 
a bit of the boy who loved to go exploring ...and who'd love to 
go again. Well, now you can. 

Only this time you'll explore the expanding world of 
electronics . ..а world more fascinating than any you ever 
dreamed of as a boy. 


Learn by exploring... Bell & Howell Schools 
offers an exciting way for you to gain new occupational 
skills in electronics. 

Everybody enjoys learning something new, but 
why learn it the old way? Classes to go to. Lectures to sit 
through. Teachers looking over your shoulder. And onlya 
bunch of books to keep you interested. 

Bell & Howell Schools’ adventure in learning is a far 
cry from all that. 

First of all, you'll be able to probe into electronics and 
learn exciting new skills right in your own home, in your spare 
time. On whatever days and whatever hours you choose. That 
means there'll be no conflicts with your other interests and, 
more importantly, no need to give up your present job and 
paycheck just because you'd like to learn new occupational 
skills. Secondly, we believe that when you're exploring a field 
as fascinating as electronics, reading about it is just not 
enough. That's why throughout this program you'll get lots of 
“hands on” experience with some of todays latest electronic 
training tools. And we. for one, think the best tools make the 
best ‘teachers’. 


You'll be stimulated for hours on end as you 
build, experiment and learn while using the latest ideas 
and techniques in this fascinating field. 

As part of the program you'll actually learn to build 
and work with your own electronics laboratory. Then you'll use 
the lab to put many of today's most dynamic electronic 
theories to the test. 

You'll delve into the applications of electronic 
miniaturization, discovering how the development of tiny 
integrated circuits has made possible innovations such as an 
electronic calculator smell enough to fit into a shirt pocket! Or 
digital display wristwatches where you press a button and the 
time flashes on in digits. 

You'll investigate the concept of “logic circuits”. An 
idea that has been with us for centuries but only in recent years 
put to use as the "brain" behind all the new digital consumer 
appliances we see today. 

But there's one discovery 
you'll make that is even more 
important than all the others: the new 
occupational skills you'll develop all 
along the way. Skills in electronics 
troubleshooting that could lead you in 
exciting new directions: 

1. Use your training to seek out a job 

n the electronics industry. 

2. Use your training to upgrade your 
current job. 

3. Use your training as a foundation 
for advanced programs in 
electronics. 

4. Use your training in a business of 
your own—a few of our graduates 
are even doing this now! 


You build and perform many exciting 
experiments with Bell & Howell's Electro-Lab *. An 
exclusive electronics training system. 

Using our successful step-by-step method, you'll 


“BecvoLab в aregistered trademark 
ithe Bel  Hovel Company. 


This program approved by the state 
approval agency for Veterans Bere. 


loring. 


build the following: 

1. A design console, for setting up and examining circuits. 

2. Adigital multimeter for measuring voltage, resistance and 
current (it displays its findings in big, clear numbers like on 

adigital clock). 

Asolid-state “triggered sweep” oscilloscope—similar in 

principle to the kind used in hospital operating rooms to 

monitor heartbeats. You'll use it to monitor the “heartbeats” 

of tiny integrated circuits. The “triggered sweep" feature 

locks in signals for easier observation. 


Step-by-step you'll build and work with Bell & 
Howell's new generation color TV—investigating digital 
features you've probably never seen before! 

lere is one of the outstanding contributions of digital 
electronics to home entertainment. You'll build, experiment 
and learn from it. 

This 25” diagonal color TV has digital features that 
are likely to appear on all TV's of the future. Features made 
possible by recent applications of digital electronics. 

You'll probe into the technology behind all-electronic 
tuning and into the digital circuitry of channel numbers that 
appear big and clear, righton the screen! You'll also build-in a 
remarkable on-the-screen digital clock, that will flash the time 
in hours, minutes and seconds. Your new skills will also enable 
you to program a special automatic channel selector to skip 
over "dead" channels and go directly to the channels of 
your choice. 

You'll also gain a better understanding of the 
exceptional color clarity of the Black Matrix picture tube, as well 
as a working knowledge of "state of the art" integrated circuitry 
and the 100% solid-state chassis. 

And having actually built and experimented with this 
ТУ, you'll come away equipped with the kinds of skills that 
could put you ahead of the field in electronics know-how. 


We try to give more personal attention than 
any other learn-at-home program 


1. Toll-free phone-in assistance. The program is designed so 
that you can proceed through it smoothly, step-by-step. 
However, should you ever run into a rough spot, we'll be 
there to help. Many schools make you mail in all your 
questions. We have a toll-free line you can 
call when you have a question that can't. 
wait 

2. In-person “help sessions”. These are held in 
50 major cities at various times throughout 
the year where you can talk shop with your 

instructors and fellow students. 


No electronics 
background needed. 

What you really needis the thing 
you've never lost. A boy's love for 
exploring. Now you can go again. 
only this time learning new 
occupational skills all along the way. 
Mail the postage-paid card today for 
more details, free. 


Этине TV picture test pattem. 


An Electronics Kome Study Schoor 
DEVRY INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY 


ЇЗ BEL e Howeu SCHOOLS 


4141 Bouman, Стаде тот OAT 


692 


Come to where the flavor is 
Come to Marlboro Country. 


Marlhoro 


That qs ВОЯ cathy 


1, hail, the gang's almost here: Ап 
mate of the Federal penitentiary 
at Allentown, Pennsylvania, went to the 
prison library to get a copy of the Bern- 
stein-Woodward book on the breaking of 
the Watergate story. “Do you have All the 
President's, Men?" To which 


the prison librarian replied, "Not quite." 


he asked. 


One way to keep ‘em down on the 
m: A TV listing in the San Francisco 
Examiner informed us that an episode 
of Apple's Way featured “young Steven 
Apple [who] learns some hard facts of 
life on a farm when he gets into 4-H club 


work and becomes attached to a lamb." 


Wouldn't you know if you saw him? 
Missing-person ad in а Jamaican news- 
paper: “Ап 85-year-old man and ex-port 
has been missing since December 
His color is dark, height about 3⁄8”, 
having no teeth in his mouth and his hair 
very white. He acts strangely at times. If 
seen, kindly contact his son." 

The National Observer reports that 
the Louisiana house of representatives 
passed a bill with a penalty of one ye 
in jail and а 51000 fine for streakers * 


n- 


There's 


tent on arousing sexual desire.” 
a five-year sentence and 
а $2000 fine for streakers 
tending to arouse the 
desires of minors,” but 
for streakers who can 
prove they have по” 
there's 


as- 
civious intent,” 
no penalty at all. 
Sign on ihe olfice door 
of a vacationing atomic 
scientist: GONE FISSION. 


Why Government bu- 
reauaats go nuts: The 
tment of Health, 
Education and Welfare 
publishes Interstate. 
Certified Shellfish Ship- 
pers List,” at the bottom 
of which are spelled out 
the categories of laborers 


Dep 


in a particular profes 


sion. A carton of 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


shellfish to the reader who сап recite 
the list quickly without swallowing his 
tongue: "RS-Reshipper—Shippers who 
transship shucked stock . . . or shell-stock 
from certified shellfish shippers. . . . (Re- 
shippers are not authorized to shuck or 
repack shellfish.) RP-Repa 
pers, other than the original shucker, who 
pack shucked shellfish. . . . A repacker 
may shuck shellfish or act as a shell-stock 
shipper... . 


cker—Ship. 


Fastest wedding ceremony on record: 
A Nashville couple informed Judge 
Charles Gralbreath that they'd like to 
keep their marriage ceremony short. The 
Do you want to get 
When they both nodded, the 


judge asked them, 
married? 


You аге.” 


Oops! The Chicago Tribune found it 
necessary to print this retraction: “сок 
RECTION: Unfortunately, the illustrations 
of edible and poisonous mushrooms were 
reversed on page 14 of our Sunday 
edition.” 

altimore police, after more than a 


year’s review of alternative. methods 


of hanging pictures and plaques on the 


)p— 


Smoking more n 


desire to 
other 


tisis to 


w and enjoying sex 
) les? According to а recent study 

with monkeys їп England, the 
touch 
creatures ds 


“people like 
thing to do with their hands." 


walls of their new headquarters, decided 
10 usc nails. 

Our Better Mousetrap Award this 
month goes to the Ypsilanti, Michigan 
deparument store that ran an ad for 
body suits "with snap crotch for casy ins 


and outs." 

A report submitted at ап American 
Psychological Association convention ap- 
parently made this starding claim: 
"Women who are cooperative and good 
sports are likely to have large families.” 


A Minnesota housewife picked а can 
off a shelf in a grocery store and was 
about to put it in her cart when a store 
employee approached her, took. the can 
out of her hand 


ind stamped it with a 


price two cents higher. 

And the Mazda goes Sproing! Classi- 
fied ad from The Bakersfield Californian: 
"Take over payments of 1972 Mazda, 
queen-size mattress and springs. 


That's where the rub comes in: Angry 


over the oil embargo earlier this ycar, 
Denmark retal 


мей by reducing exports 
of luxury items to the 
Arabs. Creating a short 
age where it was most 
felt, one Danish firm 
ceased. exporting. vibra 
tors to Arab countries 


апа fondle 
reduced. 


when a subject is holding о 
а cigaretie. 
rettes don't even haz 
to be lit, which led scien- 
conclude 


The ciga- We don't know who 
(or what) will fill the 
position. but a San F 
cisco café has advertised 
lor a "combination wait- 
ress and cleanup man.” 


T 
that 
to have som 


Seattle said 
that prostitution is go 


Police in 


strong again after being 
virtually wiped out sev- 
eral years ago. А police 
spokesman was hopeful, 
however, that the city's 
few conventions 
will provide slim pick- 
ings for the ladies. The 


next 


19 


PLAYBOY 


20 


Anchorage Daily News reported that the 
only “gatherings hooked this month were 
the Knights of Columbus, the American 
Correctional Association and the World 
Evangelical Association." 


Actually, it gets a trifle crowded, chaps: 
An ad for mobile homes in Britain's 
Royal Air Force News announces that its 
trailers are "equipped with main services 
including flush toilets and the Largest can 
late up to c ple in ab- 
solute comfort.” 


аске 


и pe 


Irs probably а good thing that 


ance companies have started. 


to pro: 


of The Miami 
уотиз 
DISCOVERS," 


souris state Records Manageme 
cy came across some unusual remarks 
among records listi 


coverage against kidnaping, but we're 


not sure about the way Trial magaz 
refers to it. The journal calls it "an 


пе 


snatch insurance.” 


A lage headline in a recent issue 
Herald: “wios U 
ILLITERATE, GOVERNMENT STUDY 


; out some old files, Mis 
t Agen 


In deani 


causes of death 


Went to bed feeling well but woke 
up dead” . . “Died suddenly. Nothing 


TAKE ONLY IN 


NEW YORK DOLLS CONCERT 


Everybody who goes to rock concerts knows that getting your h 
important as your platforms and glitter cye shadow. You simply 

are, God forbid, straight; but you can't 
Good sense and propriety have to be observed—you have 


first is easily 
can't get off on the music if you 
just anything, either 
to choose the h 


"s most appropria 


се, shoot 
ly outré: but overdosing 


g to see. 


ta New 


cellent judgment. Match wits with the experts! Connect the right high with 


the right act and see how you “score. 


Stoucs: 
Turner 

Na Na 

4. Black Sabbath 

aE 
6. J 
7. Mahavishnu Orchestra 
8. Bob Dylan 

9. Jolm Denver 

Je 
11. Barbra Str 


vis Presley 


mes Taylor 


jerson Airplane 


Donny Osmond 
Blue Oyster Cult 


Cheech & Chong 
16. 
17 
18, 


Chér 
Merle Ha; 


Helen Reddy 


LC; 2-G; 3-A; 4-L: 
16M; 17-Е: 18-R. 
Scoring: A perlect score entitles you 
the Р.А. system at a Black Sabbath со 
stuff, but avoid the four-week rock [esti 
five-nine right, don't risk live acts—have 
five right, stay straight and keep buildi 
ا‎ 


Answers 


HQ: E 


smack at a John Denver concert would be 


CASE OF 


te to the group or performer you're 


York Dolls concert would show ex: 


Coca-Cola and aspirin 

. Nytol 

Cocaine and emt 

. Dramamine 

Smoke some dynamite ore; 

Red Man marinated in white 

lightning 

G. Two consecutive view 

Deep Throat 

H. Three martinis and a few passes 
at the crap table 
Snort curry powder 
Spend 5300 at Bonwit's 
Smoke a Wall Street Jonrnat 
Inhale Raid. 

‚ Squeeze some Charmi 
Handful of Qu 
lots of bourbon 

О. Kool-Aid laced with Clearasil 

Portable dentist’s drill 

Nerve gas and rubber 

undergarments 


ing Huic 


gs of 


aludes 


; 9E; 10-D; 11-]; 12-P; 13-0; 


to inhale that Raid and sit inside 
mcert; 10-17 right, you know you 
val planned for the Grand Canyon 
beer and watch Jn Conc ader 
g up that Don Ho record collection 
GENIE ROSS-LEMING AND DAVID STANDIS 


serious”... "Blow on the head with an 

x. Contributory cause, another man’s 
wife” . . . “Had never been fatally ill 
before.” 


Helpful hint for mom 
New London, © 
cocks will wear 


The Day, of 
necticut: "Children's 
uch longer if they are 


darned on the bi 
And you can quote me on that: After 
Secretary of Health, Education and 


Welfare € 
‘sel егу 


spar 
promotio 
departments. newsletter. mentioned his 
name 9? times, ran three photos of him 
nd a column signed by the Secretary. 


Weinberger ruled out 
E" de 


teri 


See what happens when you ban 
prayer in school? An ad that appeared 
in several Texas newspapers announced: 
Dancers Wanted, Exotic, topless or go- 
go. Apply at Wild Hare and Tamlo 
Clubs. Dallas Independent School Dis- 
trict. School Positions. Secretaries, Clerks, 
cher Aides.” 


EROTICA 
The Pleasure Chest staricd out as a 
rather simple shop in the Village in New 


York, selling water beds, mood lighting 
and cock rings. But soon the clientele 
created such а demand for other thi 
that the owners had no choice but to 
manufacture and sell . . . well, other 
things. Now when you walk into the mid- 
town Pleasure Chest outlet, you see а wall 
covered with other things, a cabinet 
filled with other things, shelves crammed 
with them and—behind a beaded cur- 
tain—racks of other things. What puts 
The Pleasure Chest in а class of its own 
is that it is bright, casual, clean, It has 
the surface appo its of a boutique 
unlike most places that sell two-foot 
long, dildos. 

But even indirect lighting and quiet 
rock music can't quite cancel a certain 
sense of density you get from a place that 
wedges you between a ten-foothigh wall 
covered with the technology of torture 
and 200 square feet of butyLrubber toys 
meant for sticking in and rubbing up 
against those parts of your body that you 
keep hidden all day. The first thing you 
think is: This place must have one hell 
ofa back room. Like, maybe one of those 
looming walls slides away, revealing The 
Story of O in action. 

A typical Pleasure Chest list: "Plain 
ided Cats. Dog Quitts. 18 Tails, 
e Sole, Ping Pong. Crops. Horse На 
ıs, Help Us Fight Leuk 
mia. . . 2" And below, a board full of 
slots, half of them occupied by quarters. 
Its a whole new concept in other things 
Bank Americard, Мамет С 
ind of dildo you 
There's even one that’s 
a nun .. 


ars, B 


irge and every 


heart could desir 
Tittle statue of 
At any rate, 


. or is it a bride 


"Listen, Paris is only 8 hours away. 
Well fly there for breakfast?’ 
More good things have been decided over Grand Marnier than any other drink in the world. 


For free recipe booklet, write Carillon Importers, Ltd., 745 Fifth Ave., NYC 10022. Product о! France. made with fine cognac brandy. 80 proof 


PLAYBOY 


22 


it isn't one of their bestselling items. 
Those arc a little harder to describe. The 
ditoris aids and stimulators аге preuy 
t, as is the "soft vag 
But then, there are rubber 
| either open mouth or pro- 
truding tongue (listed under “Blow Job 
and Tongue Faces” in the catalog). But 
if youre talking about really hot, mov- 
ing items, they're chain shackles or police 
culls or leather executioners masks (“The 
s security of a close-fitting hood 
пош parallel"). 

And, of course, the Ben-Was (balls 
that women put into their vaginas for 
stimulation) sell quite well. A Ben-Wa 
shopper speaks: "No, I haven't tried 
them, but Гус rcad about them and 
heard they were good. I do have a regular 
vibrator at home, which 1 use all the 
time, but I want to get one that's made 
especially for that sort of thing. I use a 
brator because it's easier than doing it 
manually. Sometimes I use а water hose 
in the bathtub. It's not that I prefer that 
to going to bed with men. It's just a lot 
less trouble." The girl is an 18-year-old 
college freshman whose parents have one 
home in the East 80s and another in Con- 
necticut. She goes to a Lashionabl 
school that just turned coed and * 
first month there, I met seven dif 


asuo 


is 


A couple comes їп. past the “erotic 
art” (meu with dongs as long as baseball 
bats). The man looks as if he just grad 
шей from college 
business. He has respec 
and is double clean. The gir] has meticu- 
lously faded jeans and has just been to 
the һай stylist. They are visibly be: 
They are Buddy and Sis. They could be 
at a football game or shopping for a new 

ereo set, but instead they are making а 

€ for the dildos, enormous 
gs colored like the underside 
The veins on those things 
5 The whole іт- 
pression is of ion from 
a fore inc textbook. Buddy and 
Sis are all smiles, examining the rubber 
dongs. They move toward the clitoral 
stimulators. 
“Isn't this cute?" she says, referring to 
device called. Rectify-Her (“allows for 
| penetration during normal inter- 
course"). 

"Let's get this one,” 
dling the Vibro Pen 
vibrator”) 

No." she says, considering it, “we've 
got enough vibrators.” Her eyes stop on 
the Excello Stimulator and she lights up. 
Buddy can't say no. A sale is made. 
Buddy is taking Sis home to do strange 
and wondrous things to her clitoris with 
a rubber thing that looks like a vegetable 
brush. 

AL 


Buddy says, han- 
("contains m 


se gentleman moves around the 
store with great familiarity, as if he has 
spent much time there, He is impeccably 
dressed in a light-gray suit and his 


silver. He looks like a foreign diplomat 
as he stands ramrodestraight before the 
counter and їп a booming voice asks, 
"Do you have the Seven Gates of Hell? 
Has a cat got an ass, Mr. Diplomat? 
He asks for a receipt. The Seven Gates is 
a series of rings held in a row by a riveted 
leather strap. The rings get increasingly 
эт one end to the other, The 
пр penis is inserted through the lar 

ig and pushed as far in as it will go. 
When erection occurs, the steel rings pro- 
duce a sensation that, in the words of the 
shopkeeper, “is desirable if you like that 
sort of thing." Now, what could the 
diplomat want with a receipt for th 

A small nervous man comes in carr 

a briefcase that appears to be giving him 
a hernia. He wears glasses and is partly 
bald. His ultrastraight s dark brown. 
"Do you do repairs? 
clerk nods assent. Mr. Peepers sw 
case onto the counter and unlocks 
side are thumb cuffs, tit clamps, slave 


belts, blindfolds, ball gags. leather labia 
spreaders, studded bras and а whole shi 
load of whips. He probably came from 
hard d 


his office. Or bidding on grain futures. 
Or 


nything but lugging around an 
arsenal of S/M paraphernalia. 
А young man comes in and the clerk 
lately begins doing a very heavy 
number, They discuss leather and 
the customer asks what is advised for the 
novice. 

Well” the clerk says, "you usually 
just start by being tied up ог tying som 
one up, depending on what gets you olf. 
You could buy some cuffs or a hood. Or 
any of the leather clothes. 
man points out the tit cl: 


‚ "I wouldn't advise that for 
the novice. Those cause a lot of pai 
You don't want somebody to acide 
КШ you.” 

But he just ca 


t get it out of 
head that this all has to be some kind of 
joke. These people must be buying 
whips for friends—ha-ha—somebody a 
the office, right? 

Out on the street, he picks up the 
Times, The district attorney of Alle- 
eny County, John T. D'Arcy, has been 
indicted on 85 counts of misdemeanor 
relating to seven young women, includ- 
g the daughter-in-law of the mayor of 
Wellsville, New York. D'Arcy is alleged to 
have taken girls into his office and tied 
them up with ropes, handcuffs and gaps, 
He told them all it was part of a survey. 


BOOKS 


How is the catholicity of your n 
ing—as T. S. Eliot might have put it— 
these days? Touching all the bases? Keep 
ing up? АП of that jive. Well, here are 
some nonfiction titles for you and if you 
can find any pattern to them, you should 


be working in a library and not fooling 
around reading big, expensive, glossy 
magazines. 


The Curve of Binding Energy (Farrar, Straus 
& Giroux). by John McPhee, is a quiet 
lite book with what you might call an 
explosive message. What McPhee—one 
of the most graceful stylists currently 
making a living in the prose game—is 
talking about is the bomb. And not 
necessarily the kind you find sitting on 
the business end of a Polaris, either 
What he has in mind is the bomb th: 
some ad hoc group of fanatics can put 
together from scratch, then use to hold 
the whole world hostage. It is feasible, 
possible and damned close to likely, 
cording to Theodore B. Taylor, a phy 
cist who is the central figure in Curve. 
Bur actu Taylor is not really the 
book, nor is McPhee's 
rative. What lurks on every 
page is that nasty little device we've been 
living with ever since Alamogordo. 

Moving right along. Carolyn Scc is not 
half the writer she'd like to be and 
she wants to make sure that everybody 
knows she's really too together to be 
terested in pornography in anything but 
a clinical way; but she has managed to 
put together а fairly spry book on the 
subject, Blue Money (McKay). What she 
mostly dwells on is the fact that people 
who work in the porn business 
for the money more than anything else 
Well, look, the book is actually bener 
1 that. She's very good on some people 
the trade and the sermons are kind of 
mild and the bock is a good enough way 
couple of hours. 

But if you don't want to read about 
sex, how about war? Pursuit (Viking), by 
Ludovic Kennedy, is about one of the 


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23 


PLAYBOY 


24 


ig matches between bat- 
tleships—better remembered as the sink 
ag of the German behemoth Bismarck 
Basically. a very good sea yarn told crisp- 
ly. Even though you know those one-ton 
projectiles from the Bismarck are going 
to blow up the Hood, pride of His Maj 
esty’s navy, you can feel the suspense in 
Kennedy's telling of that awful scene. 
Rubin Carter was a pretty fair fighter 
in his d 

a contender 

for the middle- 

weight crown. 

Now he is doing 

life lor murder 

in New Jersey. 

Me claims he 

didn’t do it in 


angry enough to kill—certainly now, il 
not before. And the book is a tou; 
graceless, proud epistle to the world and 
to his jailers. Very hard stulf. 

Finally, in the “Whats a nice isol: 
tionist doing in a one-worlder outfit 1 
this?” category, there is William Buckley's 
latest: United Nations Journal: A Delegate’s 
Odyssey (Putnam). Buckley was somehow 
talked into being a delegate to the UN 
He candidly admits to visions of lectu 
the Communists on imperi: h 
splendid fashion, of pointing out the 
institutional hypocrisy of the UN. ОГ 
course, it didn’t quite happen that way, 
and Buckley tells that part of it with what 
can only be called charm. Buckley is 
good man to have 
keep 
He has a way of being proud м 
bein nd humble without bein: 


ernment assignments President Ford can 
come up with and a book from cach and 
every one of them. 


Alinsky's Diamond (Lippincott) is t 
third, and least, of Tom McHale's bois 
us satires on Catholicism. Principato 
d. especially, Farragan's. Retreat were 
richly ima ve and comic studies of 
seedy Catholic emigrants stumbling 
through nature to eternity, tickled by 
the temptations of worldliness, su 
by the quizzical presence of grace in even 
men themselves. McHale’ 
far-out morality play disgu 
erent farce. Its ambitions are enor 
d its inventions are no match for th 


ter 


prised 


new noxel is a 
a bellig 

nous 
n 


The major action is the lith Crusade to 
the Holy nnounced as a huckster 
ing cleric's " 


asterplan. for stimulating 
Western. Chr the 20ih Cen- 
tury. Is major characters make up a 
шей host of pilgrim martyrs led by one 
ancis Xavier Murphy, who staggers 
along be 
Christ" is а transpla 
into the French nobility; scigneu 
unmarketable wine crop, dutifully d 
^ up the mistake. Alcoholic, impotent, 


ted Low: 


despairing, Murphy is nevertheless a 
vessel of intermittent. hopefulness: He 
has “done things in his life" and “wa 


always this way 
The Crusade with which he covens is 
the brain child of mad Meye 
roughhewn illu: 
directing Western civilization 
Alinsky enters the book too 
phatically poses questions that confuse, 
more than they entice us. 15 Alinsky’s 
Crusade disinterested atonement for man- 
kind's sius? Penance for a cloudy murder 
he only hints at? Vengeance? 
Who is Alinsky himself? He wa 
running back at (sure enough) Tow 
rumored that he bought oll the 
orce during the Six Day W 
Alinsky's mother, Rachel, claims t 
hes the Antichrist. And, 10 Murphy's 
f, the Pope does know Meyer 
L There are several witty Ы 


n. Several support 
ne (Kyle-Boyer, the 
stuffy abortionist and gourmet; retired 
whore М Aldrich, the pilgrim's 
walleyed m 

tongued Syrian colonel who swears Ist 
doesn't exist). Once the Alinsky plot 
laid out, and McHale gets to the rid- 
dles beyond it, the character of Murphy 
begins to grow, tellingly. We can almost 
believe he has been touched by some 
mysterious hand, designated to figure 
crucially in the orgy of atonement and 
birth that will come to be, after А 


on muleback; a sharp- 
el 


sky. There isn't really a whole novel 
only a scattered wealth of promis 
saris a as Des a disap- 


pointment—but there is so much energ 
and talent, so many near misses running 
amuck throughout Alinsky's Diamond, 
that it's worth readi 


Just wh 
giant сап do to his loyal reade 
he сап die, There 

mond Chandler 
forgive the guy for keeling over. Now 
they're stuck with having to reread The 
Big Sleep for the Mth time—knov 
some of the passages in the way Lau- 


add 


rence Olivier knows Hamlet's solilo- 
quies—and suffer through the inferior 
works of Chandlers imitators. But a 


Jot 
ver 


least Chandler died. He didu't keep 
of us w: for 13 у 
up some Wordswort 


ars, then. del 
n sonnets or 


cookbook. Which is just about what Jo 
seph Heller has done to us. 

Admittedly, Catch-22 is a hard act to 
follow. But that’s no excuse for Some- 
thing Happened (Knopl). Hardly anything 
is ап excuse for Something Happened, a 
novel in which nothing happens except 
that words accumulate page after p 
alter page alter page, ad nauseam 

"The book has something to do with a 
nervous, paranoid (neurotic, maybe. but 
who the hell cares?) fellow who works in 
a big office in New York and just can't 
cope, don't you know. А good enough 
thing to be writing about if your name is 
Roth, perhaps, but not if you are sole 
owner and proprietor of the imagination 
that came ир with Yossarian, Milo 
Minderbinder, Colonel Korn and all those 
others. И you are William Faulkner, you 
don't have to write Henry James's books. 
Well, gh. Maybe in another 13 
ars Heller will come up with another 
read 


enou 


у 
work of genius. In the meantime 
The Big Меер. Ox write a cookbook. 


Carrying the Straus & 
Giroux) is the story of Mic 1 Collins, 
pilot, the third astronaut aboard Apollo 
II and the one who stayed at the space- 
craft controls while Neil Armstrong and 
Buzz Aldrin walked the moon surface. 
105 a superb book: informative, irrev- 
crenily funny, perceptive and, in pants, 
profoundly moving. None ol us knows 


What these space travelers know, and 
never before has this dillerence between 
us been so clearly de have d 


gled from a cord a hundred miles up; 1 
e seen the earth eclipsed by the moon, 
njoyed it. I have seen the sun's true 
ht unfiltered by 
phere. 1 have seen the ultimate black of 
infinity in a stillness undisturbed by any 
living thing. .. .1 do have this secret, this 
precious thing, that 1 will always carry 
with m 1 that Amer 
send а poet into space? 


Who 


Carlos. Самат cc is divided 
into two distinct types of readers—those 
who believe him and those who think of 
him as a charlatan or just someone who's 
taken too much peyote and has started 
to imagine ıl This is addressed to 


die 


the new h 
maro, two Yaqui sorcerers. And thou; 
some hi; € better than oth all in 
|. it’s still just the same old smack 
Zastaneda makes new advances along the 
to becoming а warrior—pretty good 
stuff, but maybe cut with a little too much 


portant thing is Castaneda's 
on to the science of anthropol 
He took a revolutionary step in al 
lowing himself to be such a fool. He lets 


What right do 
we have to call 
Ronrico 


Real Rum? 


114 years ago when we started 
making rum, we made it to taste the 
way we thought rum should taste. 

Real. Flavorful. And perfectly 
smooth. 

Today Rum Ronrico is still made 
the same way in the same little town of 
Arecibo. By men steeped in the tradi- 
tions of the oldest distillery in Puerto 
Rico. (Our roots, you see, go back to 
1860.) These men believe that the good 
things in life should not change. 

That's why we have the right to 
call Rum Ronrico real rum. Because it’s 
unchanged. It’s rum that adds flavor 
and smoothness to every drink. 

That's what real rum should be. 
And that's what Rum Ronricois. 


Rum Ronrico 
Real Rum 
bottled only 
in Puerto Rico. 


The other leading rum isn't. 


+ a м. 
4 ey —— E 
t == E E ў 
у ү a PASSPORT | 
dum lH 


How does a Scotch get the lion’s share? 


We havent become king of Scotches: Not yet. Butwe know how 1o conquer all.other Scotches. 
Just be tastier than any of them (withaa little more Scotch flavor than they have): And cost less 
than any other first class Scotch (quite a bit less). As itis, we're up to.8% million bottles. 


in 107 tries. In 6 hort .9 
really could call Passport а lion among Scorches: PASSPORT Scotch 


Don Juan and Genaro waltz him around 
untryside, make him look like an 
the shit out of him and ruin 
his ordinary life. Most anthropolog 
"t stand to seem foolish. The 
forced rd other cultures as it 
fe tly silly. 
They look down and describe. Castaneda 
has plunged himself full bore into Gonzo 
anthropology by participating in Don 
Juan's incredible world (a world that 
makes Castaneda’s look pretty piss poor 
by comparison) and taking notes on it 

Our apparent assumption of the truth 
of Castaneda's stories is based on a sim- 
ple deduction. Castaneda can't possibly 


ior own—and sl 


be smart enough to have made up the 
things Doi 
is babblir vy reality 
elicited by the intake of psychotropic 
plants" Don Juan is laughing at bim 
d saying things like “The best of us 
always comes out when we . . . feel the 
sword dangling overhead. Persor 
wouldn't have it any other way 
aren't the words of a primi 
Castaneda. The only other conclusion you 
» draw is that Castaneda is in reality a 
-old and Don Juan is a pederast. 


Labs, black hoodoo detective 
and self-proclaimed "Spook Chaser” of 
Mumbo Jumbo, makes a return. in Ish- 
mael Reed's The Last Days of Louisiana Red 
(Random How: 
black stereotypes that become archetypes 
ind then stereotypes ар; in Reed's 
framework. No. Louisiana Red ain't 
crcole grass, none of that jive shit, my 
man—Louisiana Red is the bad vibes 
that can spread among the Workers like 


а fast-paced take-off on 


cancer and hurt the Business, if you can 
dig it. The Business is run by Blue 


1 of the board, who has a 
r-ohd gravelly vo d a 
floorlength dong. One of the Business" 
ventures is Ed Yelling’ Solid Gumbo 
Works, a soubfood front in Berkeley 
for dispensing cures for heroin addic- 
tion and certain types of cancer. When 
Yellings loses his wife to the FDA 


7.000.000 


Jes 


his life to Lo Red in an арос 

phil “twoblack-menseen-leaving-the- 
scene" murder, LaBas is called in by the 
Business. Yellings has left four 


children: Wolf and Sister, who are 
good” (Wolf carries. on with the 
Gumbo trade while Sister listens to N 


попе), and Street and 
are ethically disadvantz 
into drugs and arms, Minnie is a stone 
bitch). Minnie is Queen of the Mooch- 
crs. a loosely knit national org 
of rip-olls that includes George 
fish" Stevens, Andy Brown and a white 
blackstudies professor named Ma 
Kasavubu. Reed manages, not qu 
vincingly. 10 draw analogies with 
and Egyptian mythology, but the ch 
ter through whom he does it—Chorus, a 
cedloed black ex-stand-up. com- 
—is unforgettable. Unforgettable, too, 
is the ble confrontation between 
La nies "Your cunt is the 
most powerful weapon of any creature on 
this earth, and you know it, and you know 
how to use it. J can't understand why you 
want to be liberated.” Antediluvian bull- 
shit or right on? The black /white man] 
woman power structures in the invisible 

ve are formulated more tha 
plored, and the final icing on the cake is 
astrology. It must have been fun to wı 


is 


MOVIES 


Part of Vienna and the back lot at 
Universal Studios 
substitute for 
Moscow 


in The Girl from Petrovka, а pallid come- 
dy that dimly recalls Garbo’: 
the way Rock Hudson and Dor 
might have played it at the 
Adrilt in the title role, goggle-eyed 


Ninotchka 


Day 


ld- 


ie Hawn establishes beyond a doubt 
that she is neither Garbo nor a girl from 
Petrovka (though she may, in fact, be 


the new Doris Day). Hal Holbrook at 
least manages to act with facesaving 
skill as a roving American 
correspondent who finds love 
loses it when his wayward Russian bird, 
a free soul and would-be ballerina, is 
enced to five years in a penal colony 
because the Soviet socialist state consid- 
ers her а parasite. That's pretty heavy 


newspaper 
d then 


slogging for a romantic comedy, even 
though director Robert Ellis Miller and 
his iss (Allan Жоц and Chris 
Bryant, who adapted Don't Look Now) 
obviously intended it to be a heart 
tugger between yoks. More than 30 ye 
alter Ninotchka, no evidence is pro- 
ced that World War Two, the Cold 
War or détente have had any elect wh 
ever on writers’ tapping out the 
Яаг East-meets:West jibes. 
ve my body vunce a veek in ex- 
nge for the rent, including bathroom 
is а fair example of the dross handed 
to Goldie, who reportedly visited Mos 
cow in preparation for her role ("to 
study the mood of the people,” claims a 
sober press release). The mood must 
ave been gloomy. 


A hard core of admirers committed to 
Sam Peckinpah as the great American di- 
rector will Nave a tough time trying to fit 
Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia into 
the scheme of things. The Wild Bunch, 
Straw Dogs and The Ballad of Cable 
е Peckinpah movies worthy of 
serious discussion, but Alfredo Garcia 
suggests more than ever that Hollywood's 
sam has begun shoot- 
g from the hip. His fa 
olence at this point are so 
and crazy that they evoke emba 
laughter, and the story he tells is pretty 
goddamn silly for a start. As the hero, 
ring shades and chain-smoking like 
ап uncasy impersonator of Bogart, 

ever-competent Warren Oates pl 
а Yankee drifter who accepts an 

assignment. from a couple of 
hit men (Gig Young and 
Robert Webber) ro de. 
liver the head of an 
nconsequential — Lo- 
thario—in ritual venge- 
ance, because Garcia has 
ated the teenaged daugh- 
powerful, ruthless land bar 
tesîs, partner in this murky 
агу slut named 
(warmly played by Mexico's 
reigning sex symbol, Isela Vega, fea- 
tured in the July PLAYBOY), who ap- 
pears to be the only compassionate 
human being south of the Rio Grande. 
Though Elite knows that Garcia is al 
ready dead. death is no deterrent to our 
heros head-hunt. Auempted rape—in 
Peckinpah's view, even the best of 
women rather dig the idea, especially 
when the rapist is played by Kris Kristof- 
lemon—and random, senseless murder 
are only minor diversions prior to 
1 rous climax 
around the coi 
with € 
beside him. 


гета" hi 


the subject of 
s so different in tone 
at it’s tempting to treat 


25 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health 


The backgammon set 
а contemporary execution 
of the 5,000-year-old game, 

hand fashioned in needlepoint 
The cigarette: 
а precise modern blend of 24 premium 
lobaccos gathered from 3 continents. 
4 countries and 10 states 


Micronite filter. 
Mild, smooth taste. 
Americas quality cigarette. 
Kent. 


King Size or 
Deluxe OOS. 


~ NT 


ало, 
MOUS MICRONITE э 
2m 


Kings: 16 mg. “tar,” 10 mg. nicotine; 100's, 18 mû. ta S 


12 mg. nicotine av per cigarette, FTC Report Mar 74 


PLAYBOY 


28 


HarryTrump was 
the most reasonable 
of bridge gues 
He demanded 
only two things. 
New cards and EarlyTimes. 
Emil Frostbutt knew this. 
On September 28,1972, the cards in Frostbutts 
posh game room were still in the cellophane. 
But the bourbon..... 
for some neverto-be- 
determined reason, 
Frostbutt һай not 
ordered EarlyTimes. 
That night, for the 
first time in years, 
Emil Frostbutt played 
bridge without Harry. 
No EarlyTimes. 
No Trump. 


EarlyTimes. 


To know us is to love us. 


Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whisky » 86 Proof Early Times Distillery Co... Louisville, Ky ФЕТОС 1973 


them as tight competitors in a game of 
cinematic blackjack. In The Gombler, the 
more aditional of the duo, director 
Karel (Morgan!, Isadora. Saturday Night 
and Sunday Morning) Reisz has James 
Caan cisually muscling his way through 
an original screenplay by James To- 
back—about ayo 


overprivileged, 
rather unsympathetic professor of Eng- 
lish from a rich New York Jewish Family, 
up to his cars in gambling debis and de 
ception, Mavbe because his strong screen 
presence registers. а certain. Hollywood 


cool, Gam is less believable when he's 


lecturing on. Dostoievsky than when he's 


cluding the Malia thugs sent то collect 
$11.000 he owes (to Paul Sorvino, as an 
amiable monster who hates to have a 
friend's legs broken) or when he's flying 
oll to change his luck in Vegas with his 
favorite girl. As the girl. actres-model 
Lauren Hutton—a superstar in the fash- 
ion world—sacks up some points in a 


conventional role ilii consists mostly of 


hero what hes doing to him 
self, lor God's sake, Aud why? The Gam- 


hler answers by su ig thar the urge 


to gamble is a death wish, а synonym lor 
suicide. Which certainly explains why 
the Caan character lies to his mother, 
sloughs off the woman he loves and fi- 
nally agrees to corrupt one ol his stu 
dens—a young black athlete—by selling 
him to the Mob. On its own terms, this 
isa well-made and well-played psychologi- 
cal diflhanger, but aho an absolute 
ıt a shred of humor or the 


human in 
» thesis to lile 

Split, hitting the fleshpots 
and jackpots of Los Angeles and Reno, 
throws away enough high Tile, sly humor 
and reckless exuberance to fill several 
other movies. Producer-director Robert 
Ahman won the kudos of critics when he 
proceeded. trom ЛЛУ 10 such var- 
icd and unsetding experiments with 
form as McCabe & Mas. Miller, The 
Long Goodbye and Thieves Like Us, all 
of which kept the cult thriving but 
didnt cam what a movie executive 
usually calls hig money. Now, with a lit 
te bit o' luck—and granted а growing 
public that expects him to lead them 
down untried pathways Aliman may be 
ready to replant his Mag at the top of the 


heap both as a popular entertainer and 


as one of the most vigorous, innovative 
film makers on the American scene. Cali- 
fornia Split, though virtually plotless, is 
funnier The Sting and, at the 
lime, a more serious and penetra 
study ihan The — Gambler—esposing 
things in one glance at а poker face, or 
in а chance word, that can't be matched 
by reams of psychoanalytic blather. Satu- 
rated with atmosphere and an air of 
masterful i 
pear to be 


1 (the acors ар 


og on their feet, 
though authoracior Joseph Walsh is 


ау 11:03 PM. Frank can't sleep. He's thinking about his new Kawasaki, 
his first motorcycle. Frank gets out of bed. Elaine wakes up. "What's the matter?" 
she says. 

"Can't sleep, I think I'm hungry,” he says. "Guess I'll get a glass of milk or 
something" Frank clumps down to the kitchen, opens and closes the refrigerator 
door (to make it sound good), tip-toes to the garage, climbs aboard his KZ-400. 

"Okay, baby; he says to his bike, "tomorrow it's another world. Vroooooooo- 
ооооот to work...vroom, vrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooom through all that vroom crummy, 
crawlin’ traffic.....vrrrrrrrrroooom...stoplight comin’ up...disc brake, perfect... 
urroom, moom, moom, moom. .”” 

"Yeah and there's ариу leanin’ outta his car eyeballin’ my bike. ‘What's it got?” 
he says. '4-stroke, twin cylinder, 398cc} І say. ‘How's it kick over?’ he says. ‘Electric 
starter, [ say. And the light's green and vrrrrrrroooooom I'm gone...zippin' across 
town, easin' around a corner, shiftin' down, yeah through all five gears. .:Hi гоо, 
vrrrrroooooooo00m . .” 

CLICK. Frank hears the garage door open. He grabs his 
owner's manual. He studies it intently. Kawasaki 


"Vrrroooom, vrrroooom, says Elaine. lets the good times roll. 


ооа de дечу say We m не M —————— — Memb N 


PLAYBOY 


in the house 


Music in a concert hall comes to us mostly off the walls. 


Years of acoustical research — studying reverberations 
of sound in concert halls — showed Bose that virtually all of 
an audience sits where the reverberant fieldis — 
dominant. And, although direct sound reaches us first, itis 
but a small percentage of what we hear. Milliseconds 
later, we are awash with reflections of sound. 


These reflections determine the timbre of musical voices 
and instruments, that quality which permits us to distinguish 
one sound from another of the same pitch and volume, lets 
us feel the pluck and throbbing, the harmonic fabric of music. 
Without it, music in high frequencies beamed directly at us 
would be a piercing attack upon our sensibilities. With it, 
we have the third dimension of sound, the feel of sound. 


So Bose created a speaker system which simulates clean, 
rich, natural sound by reflecting sound waves rearward at angles 
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The precise sensation of sound spread through your room is 
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Sit anywhere in your room: the sound is 

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credited as scenarist and  coproducer) 
the movie follows two footloose Califor 
nians on an orgy of winning and losing 
that's the 


ambling man's cquivalent of 
an alcoholic binge. And this binge is a 
beaut. Elliott Gould and George Segal 
play the gamblers; Gwen Welles and 
Ann Prentiss play a pair of happy hook 
ers who provide occasional distraction 
from race tracks and crap tables. All arc 
aces, yet Gould takes over, as the picture 


ambles along, in his loosest performance 
since M*A*S*H. Playing anchor man in 
a believable buddy-buddy male relation 
ship that seems to grow before your very 
eyes through а maze of hunches, supersti 
tion and mutual trust—placed like a bet 
at the two-dollar_window—Segal crupts 
spontaneously at intervals to release the 
tension of a guy getting gloriously "hoc" 
Meanwhile, Welles quietly sweeps aside 
every whore-with<vheartof-gold cliché as 

vulnerable little nobody who wants 
her clients to love her. In а supporting 
cast full of obsessed bit players and 


grumpy old ladies with inside straights, 
Bert Remsen stands out as one of the 
hookers’ Ieast likely Johns, a sometime 
drag queen who insists they call him 
Helen 

Faces and voices flood over the edges 
of California Split, which has an eight- 
track sound system so that conversations 
crowd one another and overlap in a 
manner Altman experimented with in 
McCabe. He's got it just right this time 
and employs all his technical. proficic: 
су to spell out an exhilarating fable 
about two lugs who are born to win and 
become crazy rich before they discover 


the empty aftertaste of victory in the 
gambling world. "It don't mean a fuck 
in’ thing, docs i?" asks Gould as Split 
builds to a rucful, wheelspinning finish 
that may be the definitive statement on 
how some people get off by blithely risk 
ing their homes, families, jobs and bank 
balances on the turn of a card—in a dis- 
play of sheer nerve that other daredevils 
probably express by shooting the rapids 
or climbing an Alp. 


Liv Ullmann already qualifies as а 
major international star. though her 
luck so far has been spotty in English 
language movies. Being of Scandinavian 
origin helps in The Abdication, lrom a 
play by Ruth Wolt about Sweden's 
17th Century Queen С who re 
nounced her crown, converted to Cathol 


icism and spent the rest of her life as а 
patroness of the arts in Rome. Under di 
rector Anthony Harvey (whose substan: 
tial credits include The Lion in Winter 
on film), Ulm: 
and carns a salute simply for daring to 
pick up where Garbo left off in her film 
dasic tided Queen Christine. Where 
Сагро queen was a lovely legend, UII 


is superb as Christin: 


mann's is a clear case of Freudian sexual 


п Rome 


repression. Christina appe: 


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al crisis in the 
mened when she becomes 
cmotio gled with handsome 
Cardin: (Peter Finch), who is 
sent to test her faith. Though purported 
10 have a basis in f Ibdication is 
му а foolish le to 
who 


wom: 
duced 10 the d 
both loved à 


copulate from her hid- 
lace bedehamber. Even 
with fine id 
The Abdication fails, be 
florid pulp fiction cut 
blown flash: 


had picked up her v 
calé on the Vi 
The real Li 
at her best, clog З 
Scenes from o Marriage —that is, if you ci 
find a neighborhood theater plucky 
enough to show this n 
c version of an 1 
television series that rai 
sîx Hull hours 
shows were tele 
all of Swed 
smans bite 
portrait of a modem m 
concerts had to be 
one would leave hi 


а year or so 
smerized by 
nmt and timely 


TV set to watch any 
thing else. The reasons why are slammed 
by Scenes, which is not properly 


at all and would be on televisioi 
where it be 


had. dares 


risk it. Th 
endless bui 
ing close-ups by cinemaiog 


Nykvist—concerns Ide: 


and Erland Josephson. 


perfect ma 
interviewed. for 
their mari- 


is to crumble 


knockdown 
ations, re 
jous—plus an angry impromptu try 
at sex on the eve of their divorce 
ied to two other people 
> lite that the real ob 
т to their endi h 


Midelity 


g dove dor © 


has always been marriage itsell 
Obviously. the reason. Scenes is ending 
up in theaters is that neither Procter 
& Gamble nor its competitors. would 
clamor for TV time to link the name 
of a new mirade shampoo with any 


such subversive views of institution 


ollicially 
home sace 
sell—disappointed = numer 
ош times—only truth. is transcendent 
He hus been quoted as sayin his 
opus took three months to. write but 
rather а long of my li 
«ике. E am по sure it would 


on your 
nan him. 


to expert 


ave fumed 
out. berne 
round, (| 


had it been the other 


gh it 


would have seemed 


The president of Diners Club offers 
this friendly wager to the president 


of American Express: 


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that honors American Express. 
adolar for every one that honors Diners Club’ 


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Г, | T" DINERS CLUB 
Ф 10 Columbus Circle, New York, N.Y. 10019 
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jf youll pay me 


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The first executive card. 


Needless to say, Diners Club is honored 
throughout the U.S—where we originated 
the executive credit card, 

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Dear Friend, 

American Express recently 
announced an increase in 
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from $15 to $20—a 33V: % 

crease. 

As President of Diners 
Club, I want to assure you 
that—should you use this 
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membership now—upon its 
approval, you will receive a 
full year's membership at 
the same $15 fee we've 
maintained for years. (And 
you may have additional 
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company or family at the 
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our hes 


В. Newell Lusby 


DINERS CLUB 


Executive serviceis our business 


MMB To assure yourself of the $15 rate, application must be received on this form by January 15, 1975 E E E E E ty 


Rx 


Ф. 


1. Personai Account-mail bill to residence [Personal Account-mai bil to office Company Account тай bil to office 

W2 Ow. сн First Nane меште last Date of Bic Spouse (first name) 

a “Ом. О Ms. Month бау Year 
Tone Suet ©ту Suc тїр Code 

[ ENT 

B ons fawn ome Teleprone (include ares code — | Number oF ‘Social Security 
Present address [Rent | dependent children __ Number 

BW Previous ‘Steet City Slate ZIP code Years 
Home Address there 
кан нави PT Sum тусе Type ol Account: [Checking (Savings [loan 
Terephore Years [Annual Earnings — NOTE. i less than $10,000, indicate arn't and Name of Bank and Branch City & State Acct, Number 
(include Brea Code) — | with Source of other icome, and name ard address 

fim ePbariber Droner or att) no tam conti Vh. Type of Account: HS Гм liem 


Amount and Source 
of other income 


Department Store Accounts ‘ther Credit Accis: 


Banker, Broker — fum 


or Ay 


їйбгез 


Cu Stale ZiP Code 7] American Express. 


7] Carte Bianche 


or College /Unwersity if Recent Graduate 


Previous Employer (i employed by above less than 3 years) 


Name and Address of Personal Reference (nol hving wilh you 


Yrs. wath htm or accents П Bank Americard 
yr. praduated 1 7 Master Charge. 
2 other 
Former Giners Cub member С Yes ГЛ No 


Subscription optional 


Il you later. 


cant agrees that each cardholder assum 
bility for all charges with company арр 
with primary applicant if Personal Accout 


Bj, 517 FEE. covers 12 months" membership from date card is issued at $15 
= plus 1 year’s subscription to Signature, the Qiners Club Magazine, at $2. 
Indicate спосе below. 00 MOT enclose check 


07917 Fee (Includes Signature Magazine) Г] $15 Fee (Membership Only) 
Applicant authorizes exchange of credit information, 
credit cards as indicated and renewal and replacement thereol. Apph 


Joint and several responsi 
ant, vf Company Account. ог 


ER UE UE URN UE UN CER GN O UR UR CER ERI UI B reve YOU SIGNED THIS APPLICATION?) EL I LR ERR ERR RR UE UL UL Em ERE E D 


Send me ar addtional Diels Club Card at $7.50 for а member of my fum family. 
Middle 


Furst Name last — Sigrature of Ado-on applicant Relationship 


Please send me 


forms Tor additional cards for members of my firm/farmily, 


the issuance of 


‘Signature of Company Officer for Authorization of Company Account Tille 


Signature oF Individua) Applicant Date 


33 


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cel Ophuls' vivid 1972 documentary 
out France under the yoke of Nazi 
rench film makers have 
the consciences of 
n during World War 
сог Louis Malle's lo- 
ready hailed as а master- 
piece at home and a highlight of the 
recent New York Film Festival—is the 
story of a dumb, brutal, restless fum boy 
who finds casy part-time work as a thug 
for the Gestapo in 194. The job be- 
comes more difficult when he meets the 
Tamily of a Jewish tailor who has fled 
Paris with his aged mother and comely 
daughter, knowing that their days arc 
bered even in this remote vill 
‚ touching boyameetsgirl rel 
ship lies at the heart of Lacombe 
Lucien, which hardly de- 
serves to be called a 
ister piece, 

though 
Malle’s 
direction 

is faw- 


restrained 
and com- 
pasionate 
but never 
à, sentimen- 


сизез upon m ary French vil- 
ers blindly their interests 
profit and privilege. T's partly а 
problem that the dramatic em- 
phasis shifts from Lucien himself (Pierre 
Blaise) to the courageous tailor (marve 
sly played by Holger Lowenadler) and 
a striking movie debut by 
urore € 


» model 
whose unadorned performance 1 
believe a young girl's illogical attraction 
to a rude country boy who asks for love 
as if he meant to confiscate it in any case. 
In the tide role, however, young Blaise is 
so convincingly obtuse t Lu 
cien has no final tragic impact. Despite 
the crimes he commits, he seems too like a 
dull, instinctive beast to be held morally 
accountable—which. both lessens a view- 
ers emotional involvement and reduces 
dy to the stature of a pathetic case 


Michel Drach's tes Violons 
a movie within a movie about a 
tor making a film about 
his boyhood in wartime France (the 
French title literally means “viol 
ball" and merely suggests a reminiscent 
mood). Drach himself plays the director 


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ший а pompous producer tells him, "No 
stars—no film,” at which point he covers 
his face with a script and is magically 
transformed into Jean-Louis Trintignant 
Within this framework, Drach manages 
some de stories regardir 
the creation, casting and financing ol 
novie that everyone assures him he 
aot sell. His odd personal per 
spective gives Les Violons a haphaz 
ard air of cgo tripping, though fellow 
film makers ought to cat it up. Ihe 
movie within describes how young Mi 
chel (played by Dradvs son David), his 

other and g 
to another in France, concealing 
their Jewishness until they manage 1o 
escape across the Swiss frontier. In а cu- 
rious touch of nepotism, Drach’s mother 
as а young woman is played by his wile. 
Marie-Jose Nat—a wise choice, after all. 
since her luminous and tender perlorm- 
ance won а Best Actress award at the 
74 Cannes Film Festi lis view of 
his fellow Frenchmen thie 
they were anything but а nation of Re- 
sistance heroes. Yet there are scenes of 
heroism and. terror—induding one taut 
mene about а man trapped in the 


aud-meére Mee from onc rel 


ty, Wry wit, effortless 
nd а soupçon of cynicism. 
The Crazy World of Julius Vrooder is sct in 
a VAL hospital a junk yard for the 
human debris of four wars Timothy 
Bottoms as Vrooder—traumatized in 
inam and d ed never again to 
art of the "normal" world respon- 
as set up an nious 
h the near 
go Freeway. When he's not 
p there, he's all over the hospital, 
the system" and eventually 
urse Barbara Seagull away Irom 
her doctor boylriend. Frooder, a Playboy 
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eeted by underground critics as а 


camp classic, produccr-director Mark 1 
Lester's Truck Stop Women ollers loads of 
Mess energy along with a few la 
some of them intentional. To call this 


comiestrip hokum art is either inverted 
smobbism or cultural slumming, or 
maybe both. But there are compensi 
tions in watching Lieux. Dressler aud su- 
pergirl Claudia J (rtv воху 1970 
Playmate of the Year) as а rowdy mother 
m of hijackers, locked 
1 combat on a stretch of high- 
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a salesman—and demonstrator—of water 
beds. “There are openings everywhere 
for the right man. Find out what you 
can do nd extend yourself" is hi 

old dad's advice—which Alvin follows 
so assiduously that he ends up in court, 
as a male prostitute and sort of national 
hero, charged with providing sex therapy 
for a quack psychiatrist's clients. Few full- 
frontal sex films can compare with Alvin 
for inventiveness and outright impu- 
dence. The wonder is that the movie 
was made (by producer-director Tim 
Burstall, with scenarist Alan. Hopgood), 
in Melbourne, Australia, of all place 

and scored a huge box-office hit on its 
home turf. We didn't know they dared 


Hard-core rides again in Heppy Deys, an 
shed ripo of American Graffiti. 
A table full of partygoers reminisces 
about their sexu ations back in the 
Fifties, with every encounter set to Top 
10 tunes introduced by WMCA's "Good 
Guy" Joe O'Brien. in replays of actual 
radio broadcasts. Happy Days is all hobby 
socks and ^53 Buicks and backseat repar- 
tee about “coppiug a feel,” worth a snig- 
ger or two as a study of sexual attitudes 
two decades ago. Once the performers 
notably, the ever-popular Georgina Spel- 
vin as а lady who balls her prospective 
son-intaw—get right down to it, of 
course, nothing seems to have changed. 


RECORDINGS 


Step right into our vinyl time m: 
chine, folks. Haye we got a fantastic 
voyage for you! More than а quarter 
century ago, Anita O'Day turned out the 
tracks now reissued as Hi He Troilus Boot 
Whip (Bob Thiele Music). She has a var- 
ied assortment of musicians behind he 
but they're excellent, for the most. part; 
there ате some dass arrangements by 
Ralph Burns and Benny Carter and al- 
most all the tunes are first-rate. However, 
what you're paying your money for is 
O'Day, and that's what you get—and 
how! The title tune (а marvelously 
jaunty scat song), How High the Moon, 
suena, Sometimes I'm Happy, What 
Is This Thing Called Love, Key Largo. 
show why the lady was at the top 
of her profession in those halcyon post 
World War Two days. We've lost a lot of 
things since then, but, thank God, Anita 
O'Day is still around and singing up a 
storm. 


OK, so there's this Hungarian gypsy 
cat, Elek Bacsik, and he's really а hell 
of a jazz violinist—makes all the right 
moves, no smarmy clichés, knows his ax 
ide ош. And f Love You (Bob ‘Thicle 
Music) is a gr The 
backup musicians are fabulous—on all 
of the tracks, he has Hank Jones, Rich- 
ard Davis and either Elvin Jones or 
Grady Tate behind him, and you can't 
do much better than that. So the album 


t showcase for h 


When your party’s 
5o so great 
thatnobody's going 
to leave first... 


Launch another 


This year give Playboy, a greater value than ever before! 
$10 for first one-year gift (Save $6.00*) $8 for each additional one-year gift (Save $8.00") 


Please send my gift to: 
Address. 


City. 

O Send unsigned gift card to me. 

D Send my gift card signed 

Please complete the followi 

C Enter or О Renew my own subscript 
O Bill me after January 1. 


ions on separate sheet.) 
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(please print) (please print) 


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Cover to cover, PLAYBOY packs in entertaining features 
created especially for men. Asithe months go by, each 
new issue brings a completely different line-up 

of cartoons, beautiful women, controversy, 

sports coverage and other PLAYBOY 

Specialties. Entertain him far 

beyond the holidays .. . 

give PLAYBOY. 


PLAYBOY 


42 


Amour 
Amour 


JEAN PATOU 
PARIS 
DL 
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TWO PARTS LOVE.. 
ONE PART LEGEND 


ACANDIDLY SENSUOUS PERFUME 
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is well worth getting into. But. when it's 
put alongside Joe & Zoor (Chiaroscuro), 
and you compare Bacsik's work with that 
of the near octogen 


an Joe Venuti, the 
former comes off decidedly second best 


Violinist Venuti. teamed up with prote 
an tenorman Sims, is simply sensational 
With George Duvivier, Clif Leeman 
and Dick Wellstood for rhythm, Ve 
nuti and Sims pile wondrous solo upon 
wondrous solo. Sims's abilities on tenor 
and more recently on soprano have been 
heralded and acknowledged. bur. Venuti 
as dwelt in relative obscurity all these 
n 


s, having to content himself with the 


praises heaped on him his fellow 


musicians, Maybe Joe & Zoot will broad 
en the base of the Venuti Fan Club. 
Whether it’s some driving uptempo tune 
or а wistful ballad, the Venuti violin 
unerringly produces just the right sound. 


It’s casy to guess why they call the 
selves The Meters—music is time, and 
Art Neville, George Porter Jr., Leo No- 
centelli and Joseph. Modeliste measure it 
out in diamondback rhythms that are the 
fattest and funkiest anywhere, Why they 
call their new Reprise LP Rejuvenation is 


n 


a bit of a puzzle, though, since that ir 
plies a return of lost powers, and this 


rock^n-soul quartet from New Orlea 
ıs never been anything but great. ‘The 
Tour were great when they were cutting 
r&b hits a few years back for the now- 
defunct Josie label; they were great when 
they backed up Dr. John and Allen 
Toussaint (who's also their producer) on 
their most recent LPs: and they were 
great on. Cabbage Alley, which Кер 
issued a couple of years ago. They da 
howe t this record is their best yet, 
nd it's hard to argue, especially since 
we're out of breath after spending the last 


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PLAYBOY 


44 


Where can you go if you want to go 
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hour boogying to Hey Pocky A-Way. the 
baddest good-time tune you're likely 10 
hear. The М ic. as it happens 
the lyrics аге 


People Say, or sad. as on the romantic /7 
fin't No Use, which stretches out imo 
extended i jam. Our 
rites. though, are Loving You Is on 
My Mind, a mostly instrumental jazz- 
rocker in an casy-listening groove. and a 
pair of superrhythmic s. Africa and 
Jungle Man, the latter being а represen 
tution of рше Homo s 
Iriends with the monkey. Im friends with 
the birds" —that would have pleased Jean 
Jacques Rousseau, Or anybody with a 
functional eardrum. 


эй thing about Focus! new 

album, Hamburger Concerto (Atco). is Jan 

Akkerman’s guitar | 

solos are exciting, pow 

. even if they are—jou will pardon 

dwiched between the yodeling 
is 


They do 


h is otherwise an 
and three- 
By way of example, 
such tides as Rare, 


Medium | and H ‚ you 
guess the next опе but 
the cut isn’t very. Well stick with 


McDonald's, 


After the musical excesses of the 
few years, a dot of people have | 
talking about a return to good о 
7n" voll, Well. theyll be 
perfect bac ics band has finally 
ved: Bad Company is the name, and 
rock ^n' roll is the пе. The en't 


s on their first album. Bad Company 
. powerful rock 
ter and gives none. Vo- 
calix Paul Rodgers and guitarist. Mick 
Ralphs (formerly of Free and Mott. the 
Hoople, respectively) wrote all the 
shot tunes between them, and there 
enough good stull on the album to bring 
tears of joy to the eye of the most nme 
generate rocker. Bad Company, indeed: 


Keith Jarres three-record 
album Sole-Coneerts (ECM) b 
enough. melodies 
in the idiom of Liszt or of early Brahms. 
But never mind. About a quarter of an 
hour into si ett takes Liszt or 
Gershwin or whomever hes 
pout and marches him at knile 
nutes of one of the 
hes of boog 
traversed by Homo musicus. So vou 
have to figure that all the while his right 
hand was fingering crystal in the drawing 
room, his left must have been whippin; 
ass in the streer, Now 
that baddest of left h 
ud 
> keyl 


“woogie 


when Jarrett bids 


nds and that most 
nds a 


précieux. of ri t only 1o 


occupy the san ard but even to 


Ballantine’s Scotch was there. 


Harvard-Yale! 1934. 


A football Saturday in New Haven, 
1934. This was it. The last game 
of the season. Harvard-Yale! 
Chanting “Boola, Boola!?” they 
spill out of fraternity houses and 
run for the stadium. 
It was at such a moment 
that a coach had told his team, 
"Gentlemen, you are about to play 
football for Yale against Harvard. 
Never in your lives will you do 


anything so important?" 

Now, there is no stopping them. 
These аге Saturday's children on 
a winning streak. And at university 
clubs throughout the world, old 


Blues profoundly wish them well. 
Ballantine's Scotch was there. 
Like those classic days, the classic 
scotch. With a taste to be 
celebrated again and again. 


ERD, 


fat | 


[zs 


- 
feta we 


/ 


" 
H 


"ых, 
WHISKY 


© _ Blended Scotch Whisky. bottled in Scotland. 
21: B6 proof. Imported by "21" Brands, Inc., N.Y.C. 


NEW 
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Launch the free life. And do it on the all-new 
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Quick-change ISDT rear hub. And solid state CDI 
ignition for maximum reliability. Here are more 
reasons to celebrate. A chrome bore 2-cycle 
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less heat. 5-speed box. Primary kick start—kick it 
over in any gear. Plus an integral oil reservoir 
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nodate themselves to each other, he 
1 to being the best improvisation- 
st-composer around. For example 

the stately barrel-house polo 
naise at the beginning of side two. Or the 
funky plantation chorale that kicks otl 
side three, Or the crème de la crème ої 
modern psychological pimo stylists— 
Don Shirley, Lennie Tristano. Denny 
Zeitlin—doing a Mexican hat dance at 
Jarrew’s finger tips near the end of side 
three. Or the wistful Bill ns prelude 
to the symphonic rocknroll treatment 
of a snippet Irom Von Can't Always Get 
What You Want at the begin of side 
four, Or the Gershwin concerto. on а 
phrase from As Time Goes By at the end 
of that side. Consider the r s modulat- 


PLAYBOY 


alifornio brandy over. ing into rags. the Anton Webern tonc 
eo ew eee rows airhammered into Gospel sho 
chinker, try Califonia the brilliant unaccompanied jazz improv 


brandy instead of “tne 
usual’ The light clean 
toste makes a refreshing 
change of pace. It's 
brandy so light you con 
chink it any fime ot oll. 


isations that rum like bonefish with pearly 
ай. Consider all those things and then 
join the rest of us in putting Jarrett up 
on a pedestal. 


Classical purists can't stand the Ber- 
lioz Symphonie Fantastique, because it has a 
lot of musical bombast and breastbbeat 
for а symphony, anyway. In the 
past, conductors tended to emphasize its 
tortured wails and sonic splendors at the 

ic structure. 
s billed. а 
few years ago, as the psychedelic symplio- 
ny, owing to the opium-induced dreams 
represented in the fourth and fifth 
movements. Well, Colin Davis recently 
proved that you could do it differently 
and now London has recorded Sir Georg 
Solti and the Chicago Symphony Orches- 
tra in а magnificent, architecturally cle 
performance, Instead of stressing the 
theatrical, autobiographical love могу 
that forms the “plot” of the Fantastique 
Solti highlights its musical and. formal 
values, its character, if you will. The re 
sult is great symphonic music with 
citing 


expense of its formal, oper 


Thin nt so far that it м 


ox 


Hey. you movie freaks, this is it. War- 
ner Bros.—in two big Урсал alhums— 
has wrapped it all up: 50 Years of Film 
Califomio brondy man- and 50 Years of Film Music. V heres sound- 
baton If you like med 
dQiinks, try substituting " 
California brondy in your singing by the 
fovoriterecipe.Colornio | Mary Martin, Ruby Keeler, Dick Powell, 


brandy comes from Al Jolson. Doris Day nk Sinatra and 
California gropes, so it's Judy Garland. But the real gems are in 
especially smooth in dialog album. Warner Bros. was basi- 
inks thot use wine or cally а drama-and-melodrama studio. so 
fruit-bosed mixers. the album is chock-full of immortal 

lines dr art, Bette 

Davis, ney, Edward С. Robin- 


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James Dean, Gary Cooper. ad infinitum 


e e All this and you don't have to stay up for 


Pere oro more thon #50bronds ct Brandy grain n Cations, Colom Rondy cito Board sen fincisco CA 94720, European jazz is so often wened with 
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idescei 


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Use REACTS Card— Page 235 


HOW TO UPGRADE 
AS250 TAPE DECK 
FOR AN EXTRA BUCK. 


You paid a lot of your money for that 
deck because you wanted high-quality sound... 
sound that maybe you haven't been getting. 
Don't blame the deck. Blame yourself and those 
discount cassettes you ve been using. А tape deck can only 
sound as good as the cassette it's playing. 

Try a TDK ED cassette next time, and you'll hear the sound you 
paid for. 

TDK EDcosts about a buck more than the tape youre likely using, 
but here's what you can get for your money: 
clearer cleaner highs, less hiss, less noise, AX li DIC 
and more of those vibrant details that give Wait till you Bear 


music its life. ; 2P 
what you've been missing. „з 


PLAYBOY 


I, Dick Blake, sent off to the 
Warehouse Sound Co. and quickly 
received a full-color catalog of stereo 
components and complete music sys- 
tems. I testify that they carry every 
major brand and offer super dis- 
counts! Furthermore, if you'll in- 
clude $1 for postage, those great 
pcople will also send either one of the 
following: their new 64-page catalog 
of professional products for music- 
ians, or the 1975 edition of the Music 
Machine Almanac, which isa 185-page 
institutional guide to stereo equip- 


ment, complete with photos, prices, 
and specifications for over 40 brands! 
Sells on the newsstands for $1.95 — so 
it's a good deal, Do it today! 


WAREHOUSE SOUND CO, 
BOX S SAN LUIS OBISPO 
СА. 93405 (805) 543-2530 


Railroad Square, Box S 
San Luis Obispo, CA. 93405 
(805) 543-2330 


Also enclosed is $1.00 for: 
(check one) 


Professional Products Catalog 


(©1975 Music Machine Almanac 


it only a pallid in 
made-in-U. S. A. product, that one almost 
comes to accept the myth аз gospel 
Then along come a couple of LPs such 
as WirchiTaiTo and Red Lanta (both on 
tcly realize the 

idiocy of that n. Witchi Tai-To, 
featuring the Jan Garbarek-Bobo. Ste 
son Quartet, and Red Lanta, which 
teams reedman Garbarek with piani 
Art Lande, were recorded in No 
not especially noted as а hotbed of jazz. 
you wouldnt 


and Stenson are first-rate pianists. Of the 
bums, Red Гата is particul 
pressive, since all of the composit 
е by Lande and 
tion, fascinating. Cl 


Manha Reeves’s voice packs as much 
punch today as it did ten years ago, when 
she ded the Vandellas “through Heat 
Wave and Dancing in the Str But su- 
perproducer Richard Perry (Ringo and 
у ons Hotcakes) blew it on 
Martha's first solo album, Martha Reeves 
(MCA): Her voice is too often just one 
more element in the Perry supersound. 
The opening line of each songs the 
best —M s over the back beat or 
k her case, By the third 
арн up with her and 
ur 


Many Баб Сш Jimmy 
psalmlike ballad, works—because Perry 
keeps Martha's singing the focal point 
from b. to end. Martha Reeves 
ive and well, though—that’s the good 
news. 


is 


Country music is threatening to become 
the style. If you're not into Red 
Necks, While Socks and Blue Ribbon 
Beer, you ought to be able to ger behind 
Kris Kristoflerson’s latest hymn to the 

gover or the low-rent roadhouse psy- 
chedelia of Commander Cody. Beve 
Sills may be the only singer in 
who hasn't set out for Nashville 
ol the down-home sound. 

Ihe music has cha recent years, 
but they can't hide the roots, even on the 
slickest stuff, and the roots go back to the 
music that settlers brought with them 
from and and Ireland. In 
the poverty isolation of the 
Southern Арра 5, the music sur 
vived vigorously. Coal mines and rail 
roads began to open up those mounta 
around the turn of the century, and with 
them came new music—cspecially black 
music. And new instruments 
dolin and autoharp—to jo 
dle and banjo. The result w 
explosion that is still goi 

During the Twenti 
try figured out that a lot of people would 


п the fid- 
a creative 


cord indus- 


She'll understand perfectly. A satin 
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satin sheets for 21 
Except us! The secret? We know what we're doing. 
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Free 40-Pogo Color Catalog of all Our 
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Nobody's been mal 


ness and bring out the mildne: 


"There's no one best way to cure. 

There are four. 

Fire. Flue. Air. And Sun. The method used depends 
upon the weather conditions of the region. And, of 
course, the type of tobacco that is grown. АП tobaccos 
are still mostly green when they are harvested. Th 
farmer knows that when some yellow first appears it is 
time for curing. He r 
and exposes them to high temperatures. 

AIR CURING 

‘A tobacco farmer's 
barn doesn’t hold hay. 
Tt hangs tobacco. 
From the ceiling 


загс £ (У 

ned to open wide, Because NH 

in air curing, you necd all the (7 ana 
Я wy 


ventilation you can get. Ss ا‎ 

The tobacco leaves hang in there for about three 
months until they turn brown. The color tells the farmer 
that his leaves now have a naturally rich, semi-sweet taste 
and a mild aromatic personality, Air cured tobaccos are 
grown all over the world. But some of the best are born 
and bred in Kentucky, Tennessee, Malawi, Mexico and 


Brazil. 
FLUE CURING 
9 е The high heat needed 
for flue curing comes from 
acentral heating system 
on the floor of the barn. A 
| blower fan evenly distri- 


butes the hot air through 

flues. Flue cured tobaccos 
ег. stay in the harn about а 

( week until the leaves 

develop a honey yellow 
huc. АП Virginia-type 
tobaccos, whether they're grown in Virginia, the 
Carolinas, South America, Africa or Asia are flue cured. 
‘The better pipe tobacco blends use flue cured leaves for 
their tangy taste. 

FIRE CURING 
This process might be 
more rightly called smoke 

curing. Because it’s the 
smoke and vapor from 
smoldering hard-wood. 
logs that give fire cured 
tobacco such a beautiful 
aroma, (‘They u: 
similar method to = 
hams. And you know what that does for taste and aroma.) 
The tobacco leaves stay in the barn for about three 
months until they are as brown as dark mahogany. 
have a delicious bouquet and а lusci 
are no finer fire cured tobacci 
Kentucky and Tennes: 


the ones we buy in 


The hows,whys and wherefores of curing tobacco. 
They’re not sick, they’re fermenting. 


The word “curing” in tobacco is terribly misleading. Who coined the term 
not known, Curing is the process of using heat to bring the moisture content of the leaves down from 
80%, to 20%. If the farmers didn't cure their tobaccos you'd run out of matches trying to light your pipe. 

The heat used in curing is also the first step in fermenting. To ferment tobacco is to remove the harsh- 
It lets all the honest flavor of the leaves come through. If it weren't for 
fermenting, even the most expensive pipe tobaccos in the world would taste like vou were smol 


and how it came into use is 


g cabbage. 


SUN CURING 

Sun curing is virtually 
acottage industry in parts 
of Greece, Turkey, Yugo- 
slavia and other Mediter- 
rancan countrics. During 
June, July and August. 
thousands of families can 
be seen stringing leaves of 
TĚ o Oriental tobacco 
onto racks. These s are kept in the fields and even the 
village streets so that the tobaccos may be exposed to the 
sun and shade, heat of day, cool of night. There they stay 
for about four weeks until they turn golden yellow. These 
sun cured tobaccos arc prized for their natural aromatic 
qualities and wondrous flavor. 

Question: What would happen if a tobacco that should 
have gone through one type of curing was exposed to 
another method ? Asan example, if flue cured tobacco 
were to be air cured? 

Answer: The tobacco would serve no purpose. The 
taste would be most unappealing. As a comparison, just 
imagine what a T-Bone steak would taste like if it wer 
boiled instead of grille: 


Putting it 
all together 


Hand crafted 
pipe by Nerding 
of Denmark 


i£ pipe tobacco the blend 
kinds: Fire cured. Air cured. 
Flue cured. And Sun cured. Knowing how much of cach 
type is needed to produce a full, round taste is an art that 
се. Douwe Egberts has been blending 
1753. That's experience, 

If you haven’t tried Amphora yet, we suggest you pick 
up a pouch, You're going to like its superb flavor. And 
your friends will appreciate its delightful aroma. 


Start with the best. Stay with the best. Holland’s hı 
Amphora. 


We were greatly pleased to receive a stack of inquiries 
about pipes and pipe tobacco from our first advertisement. 
If you were one of those who did not write, but do havea 
question you'd like answered, drop a note to our president 
at: Douwe Egberts, Inc. 8943 Fullbright Ave., 
Chatsworth, Calif. 91311. 


It’s the kind of mail he likes to answer. 


PLAYBOY 


52 


LYNG 


Box 239C, Lynchburg, Tenn. 37352 


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actually pay for records of this down- 
home music. The companies had no idea 
of what was good or bad, of what would 
sell and what wouldn't. Scrambling for 
hits, they sent men wandering from town 
to town throughout the 


outh to record 
any local musicians they could drag out 
of the hollers, They were in it only for 
the money, but by accident they pro- 
duced а great collection of American folk 
music. Their successors today are enthu 
зам» spawned by the folk revival of the 
Sixties who have loaded their tape 
recorders and. combed the hills lookin: 
for performers of the old music 

A group of folk nuts in Somerville. 
Massachusetts, has formed a combination 
record company, collective and mail 
order house dedicated to finding the 
music and getting it out to the rest of 
us. They call themselves RoundHousc 
Records (sce this month's Playboy Pot 
pourri) and they've got their own label— 
Rounder—and а catalog rich in goodies 
you won't find at Korvettes. 

Rounder covers the old times with 
records such as Shaking Down the Acorns. 
A group of friends 
Greenbrier and Poca- 
hontas counties, West 
Virginia, get togeth- 
ег to pick and sing 
and swap stories 
for their 
amusement. 

At the other 
end, Norman 
Blake on Home 
in Sulphur Springs 


and relations in 


own 


displays some 
more modern 
licks. e is 


а professiona 
whose 
include 
ing Johnny 
h and Bob 
Dylan, but his 
roots are pretty plainly down in the 
country. He plays some incredible guitar 
including great slidework on Down Home 
Summevlime Blues, а song about his 
Georgia boyhood. 

Blind Alfred Reed was a Virginia fid 
dler, singer and conservative social com- 
menor (he once wondered musically, 
Why Do You Bob Your Hair, Girls?) wl 
made some notable records for Victor in 
the Twenties. The Rounder folks have 
collected some of his songs on an album 
called How Con a Poor Man Stand Such Times 
" 


ond Live? Reed recorded the title song ju 


one month after the 1929 crash, 

The Southern-mountain coal mines 
have been a battleground for nearly а 
century, and Aunt Molly Jackson was in 
the thick of the fight lor most of her life 
Belore she left Kentucky in the early 
Thirties, she wrote protest sor 
traditional styles—with а directness 
power that make most such efforts look 
ind pucrile. And she sings them in 


gs— using 
па 


а voice ar as а desert sky- 
The miners are still struggling. and on 
Come All You Cool Miners, Sirah Gur 
ning, Hazel Dickens and ex-miners Nim- 
rod Workman and George Tucker sing 
and talk about black lung, strip mining. 
union corruption and the dead end fac- 
ing the aging miner: "Both lungs is 
broke down. you've spent your best days 
Go back to that coal mine that got you 
this way." For bluegrass freaks, Rounder 
ollers Things in Life by Don Stover, an 
excellent banjo picker who has been a 
fixture ound Boston for 15 years or 
more. Wild Rose of the Mountain is a lively, 
lyrical introduction to traditional fiddling 
by a Kentucky mining engineer named 
J. Р. Fraley 

The RoundHouse record catalog is 
also full of splendidly obscure labels such 
as County, Arhoolie and Blue Goose. 


These new releases won't make Bill 
board's Hot 100. but they do lay down 
some great American music. County 


specializes in resurrecting classic blue- 
grass performances, The Stanley Brothers of 
Virginia, Vol. 2 is a collection of good old 
recorded in the early Sixties by the 
of the major bluegrass 
bands. The gem of the album is 
Ralph Stanley singing Pretty Polly 
in a voice like a chain- 

smoking choirboy's. 
His hard-edged, 
Scruggs-style 
picking pro- 
vides perfect ac- 
companiment. 

The Агһоо- 
lie libel is 
th cation of 
Chris Strach- 
wit, who has 
been searchin 
out old masters 
of the blues for 
better than а 
decade. Among 
his latest efforts is Outwest. Strachwitz took 
Clifton Chenier, an accordionist and 
inger who is a master of the style of black 
Louisiana, a wondrous stew of Cajun and 
blues sounds, and teamed him with a 
band that included rockers Steve. Miller 
and Elvin Bishop. The result is high- 
spirited sound that will make you forget 
Lady of Spain. 

When white kids got hold of blues 
records, they started to imitate what they 
heard. Most of them never got. beyond 
mimicry, but a few have mastered the tra- 
ditional styles. John Miller, First Degree 
Blues, is a Pennsylvanian who has made 


songs 


most old-time: 


the jump, building on the music of blues 
greats such as Blind Blake and Bo Carter 
to create his own style. Miller's album 
was recorded by Nick Perls for Blue 
Goose, and it carries a warm endorsement 
from guitar wizard John Fahey: "A 
thoroughly enjoyable album—that's quite 
а change fr Mr. Perles usual shit” 


lt looks like the car stereo thief 
has everything going for him. 


Wrong! 


It takes the car stereo thief about And with the purchase of extra 
a minute to get inside your locked car. brackets, you've got a 
That's right. car stereo for your 

It takes him about half а second car, your 
minute to remove your car stereo. recreational vehicle 
That's wrong. 

Because it's a Craig. 

And you've already 
removed it. 

Craig has a complete 
line of theft resistant 


No one can steal 
your car stereo out of 


car stereos. Compton. California 90220 
They just slide out and slide 4 In Canada: Craig Sales Agent—Withers Evans, Ltd., 
back in, connecting automatically. 2736 S.E. Marine Dr.. Vancouver 16, Canada 


CAIG. CAR STEREO 


Use REACTS Card—Page 233. 


and even your boat. 


your car if it isn't in it. 
That's right. 


Craig Corporation, 921 W. Artesia Blvd., 


53 


‘Theres been 
a change in Charger. 


Its awhole new car. 


For years, Dodge Charger has made 
a name for itself as a great personal car. 

Now, for 1975, Charger is a totally new 
car—the first luxury Charger, а car that is 


we've restyled it, front to back. 
given it a classic grille. А sculp- 
tured rear deck. Deep, stately side windows, 


Introducing Dod 


backed up by optional louvered opera 
windows. 

And in 
personal гос! 
holstery. Carpe 
even h 


this Charger has а lot of 
Like crushed velour up- 
ng right up the walls. It 
a digital clock. 

he all-new, Charger Special Edition 
1975 from Dodge. You'll love the cl 


made. 


we 


oc Charger Special Edition 75 


“You'll love the 
" 
change we made’ 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


©у опу after my boyfriend and 1 started 
living together, he bought me one of 
those bullet shaped vibrators. He said 
that he wanted me to enjoy myself and to 
n more about my responses, Well, 1 
really got into it, or vice versa. I be 
usc the 


nto 


vibrator whenever he wasn't 


home. He asked me once which was het- 
ter—the vibrator or him—and I told him 
the wuth: that 1 preferred him. OK 
But when he discovered that | sometimes 
masturbated while looking at pictures of 
nude men, he freaked out. He tore up the 
pictures and Heft a nasty note on our bed 
saying that E really knew how to get to 


him. I don't understand. I feel that he in- 
troduced me to a very beautiful. experi 
ence, then pulled the rug out from under 
me, Can you explain his behaviorz—Miss 
О. N., Virginia Beach, Virginia 

I's а new twist to the old double stand- 
ard. Weve received а surprising num- 
ber of letters suggesting that vibrators 


invoke the old insceurities that lead to 
vows of chastity, the quest for the virgin 
Your boyfriend's fear of com- 
parison may be deep-seated and unreason- 
able, but it is nonetheless real—even 
when the object of comparison is a per- 
manenily erect penis-sha ped piece of plas- 
lic or a two-dimensional photograph of 
another man. He may be intimidated by 


bride, ete. 


your ability to have multiple orgasms— 
“How can you keep them from having 
fun, after they've had ecstasy?” The sit 
uation is absurd but not hopeless. Per- 
haps someone will invent a vibrator that 
becomes soft and inoperable after five 
minutes’ use. Or maybe your boyfriend 
would agree to pose in the nude, so thal 
your props 

threaten his ego. Liberation requires pa- 
tience. You might invite him to join you 
in a session with the vibrator, so at least 
he can havea hand in your pleasure. С 
ita бу. 


masturbatory would nol 


c 


Wo addicted to California table wines, 
or underthetable wines, as they're called 
in some circles. A boule doesn't 
have a cork in it to cont 
Мауһс thc French will discover the 
ap someday and really get it on. To 
my taste, nothing bi 
tain red. pink Chablis or one of the pop 
wines, Still, I would like to add some class 
to my act. 15 it necessary to decant these 
wines H so. what are the mechanics of de- 
ting]. M. R., Riverside, IHinois. 

There are two reasons to decunl wine: 
for appeurance and [or taste. Some people 
feel that you should a 
wine in its original bottle, so that guests 
can see what they are drinking. Others 
feel that if they can't tell the difference, 
then it doesn't make a difference if you 


ou 


of-sight 
vin 


screw 


always seru 


transfer the wine to a more attractive 
container. Decanting for taste is usually 
recommended only after a wine has aged 
for ten years or more. The procedure pre: 
vents the sediment that 
aging from clouding the wine and the 
favor. To decant an aged wine: Fithex let 
the bottle stand for 21 hours or bring it up 
horizontally from the cellar. Uncork it 
carefully. Pour the wine slowly into a de- 
canter. (A lighted candle placed beneath 
the bottle will allow you to see the sedi 
ment.) Decant all but the last half inch or 
so of wine, les 


forms during 


ving Ihe dregs. Since most 


California wines are much younger than 
it is nol necessary lo decant 
them for taste. If you want to do it for 
appearances, fine, Our ex-biker etiquette 
expert, Treefecling Tank. says that there 
is only one way to properly serve an 
under-the-table wine. Grab the bottle 
firmly by the base and smash the neck 
ои 
n glass to settle, then pour the 
п your throat, Shout “Yee-hah” 
wipe your mouth on your sleeve, pass the 
bottle to a friend, then pass out 


Ae igo. you mentioned that 
undressing in a sexy manner would really 
“knock your socks off.” Гуе got se 
sense of slang. but 1 had never heard th 


fen years 


against the nearest solid surface. 
the brok 
wine dox 


months 


phrase. Could you be more exact аһ 
its meaning?—F. O.. Butte. Montana, 

Probably not, but try this on for siz 
For that been re- 
vealed, male actors in early porno movies 
always wore their socks while engaging in 
4 climax that would move 
these jaded stars, that could make them 
forget that they 
as said to have the power to “knock 
your socks off.” A nice yarn, eh? 


[Everybody and his brother want to be 
singersongwriters—if you believe the 
newspapers, a decent janitor can’t get a 
job in Nashville because of all the hope- 
ful musicians there. Em not Kris Kristoll 


reasons have never 


sexual acts. 


were in front of a cam- 


era, 


erson, but 1 would like to submit a 
demonstration tape of my songs lo a 
record company. What is the correct 
procedurez—]. R. P.. Chicago, Hind 


Ahmet Evtegun, the founder of Ab 
lantic Records, once told David Geffen, 
the founder of Asylum Records, thal the 
way lo get rich in the record business 
“Walk Walk slowly and 
maybe one day you'll bump into a genius 
nd a genius will make 


was do slowly. 


you rich.” Nowa 


days, they let their ears do the walking: 
Record companies such as Asylum and 
Warner Bros. receive hundreds of unsoli- 
cited demo tapes each week, and most will 
listen to each one. The attempts range 
from studio-produced masters lo one guy's 


If you've got 
sensitive skin, 
now you can 
shave close. 
And feel good 


about it. 


New Special Edge, with more 
protective lubrication than any foam, 
lets you press harder, shave close, 
and still get a comfortable shave. 
And that's something 
a sensitive face can smile about. 


EDGE is a trademark © 1974 
5.С. Johnson & Son, inc., 


PLAYBOY 


56 


putting songs down on a three-and-a-half- 
inch Dictaphone belt. Tape a microphone 
to that broom you've been pushing, turn 
on the old reel-to-reel, send the result to 
the company's ASR department and 
you've gol as much chance as the next 
genius to be signed. Bul observe a few 
rules and you might help the odds: At this 
stage of the process, the companies don't 
care if you've written a hundred songs. All 
they want to hear are your four or five 
best shots. They know that it is im possible 
to break a new performer unless a few 
of his tunes сап get AM air play—so 
have the demo include your most com- 
mercial material. Save the “art” for your 
Rolling Stone interview and try for a 
reasonably clean performance. They will 
judge the tape for material, vocal and in- 
strumental talent and production poten- 
tial. (Remember “American Bandstand 
“And what would you give this, Archie? 
“Fd give it ашау”) Anything that you 
do to make their job casier will be 
appreciated. For instance, list the com po- 
sitions in order on the container, along 
with additional info—who wrote thc 
song, who the performer is, ete. Sepa- 
rate the songs with pieces of white tape 
so they can find something that caught 
their attention. Pul your name. address 
and telephone number on the reel or 
cassette itself, so that, if the accompanying 
leiter gets lost, they will know who it 
belongs to. Finally, it may take from two 
to four weeks for a company to process 
your tape. Don't keep your fingers 
crossed—you'll need those for practicing 
licks—but good luck, anyway. 


Over the past few years, I've watched 
television coverage of several state events. 
including the funcrals of two Presidents. 
ed most of the 
onies involved. but they failed to 
cuss the ?Lgun salute. What does the 
number of guns signily?—R. D.. West 
Springfield. Massachusetts. 

The rank oj the person being honored 
determines the number of shots fired. For 
example, а 2I-gun. salute is fired for 
chiefs of state, heads of government, 
members oj а royal family and others of 
comparable standing; it was once known 
as а royal salule. Nineteen guns ave 
fired for ambassadors, cabinet mem- 
bers, governors and officers above the 
rank of admiral or general; salutes of 17, 
15, D, 11,7 and 5 guns are fired. foi 
persons of lesser rank. (The convention 
of firing an odd number is believed 
to stem from an ancient naval supeisti 
tion that an even number of shots is un- 
lucky.) In this country, the national 
salute of 21 guns is fired on Lincoln's 
Birthday and Memorial Day. A 50-gun sa- 
lute is fred on the Fourth of July. In 
South American countries, the national 
salute occurs whenever the military feels 
like it апа is commonly referred to as 
p d'état. 


а co 


Wil, husband and 1 have enjoyed our 
ingsize water bed for almost five years. 
Recently, spurred by an advertisement in 


PLavaoy, we purchased satin sheets. We 


love the ious feel, but we ve en- 
countered a problem. The surfaces are 
nost friction-frec; we are forever 
searching for pillows that slither off the 
bed during the night. Any suggestion 
Mrs. А. М. Baltimore, Maryland. 

One of our editors had the same prob- 
lem with satin sheets, only worse. He 
claims that he spent half of one night 
nying to pin down his date, who kept 
slipping out [rom under him. (As we re- 
call, the same thing used to happen when 
he used percale sheets.) He subsequently 
installed eyebolis in the frame of his 
water bed, along with safety straps, and 
developed a reputation as a bondage 
freak. To take cave of the disappearing 
pillows, he had snaps sewn onto the bot- 
tom sheet and one side of the pillowcases. 
Strips of Velero (ihe zipperless zipper 
material) would also work. 


M began o des my hair when 1 was 
18—within a year I looked like a man of 
35. Sexually, I was quite frustrated. I did 
go with one girl for four years, during 
which time 1 began to wear a wig. The 
hairpiece made me less self-conscious 
around other people. Now 1 am in gradu- 
ate school. 1 meet literally hundreds of 
irls and date frequently. However, when 
to have sex, I become par; 
pout her knocking off my wig and 

make a move; my dates can't 
understand my sudden shyness, Nothing 
ever happens: I feel h: ап at times 
Do you h Cam. 
bridge, Massachusetts. 

Sure, the same advice we gave in the 
above letter. Have snaps or strips of Vel- 
cro sewn into your scalp and. hairpiece. 
That should stop the wandering wig. It 
seems to us that the wig has made you 
anything but less self-conscious. You 
wear the thing, date a lot but don't have 
sex. Why not throw it away and go as 
yourself? You might date less frequently, 
but at least you would have more sex. 
Then you could worry about something 
really serious—like bad breath or wheth- 
er your deodorant is still working. 


BBoys schools and naval bases have al- 
ways been the breeding ground of the 
idea that salpeter can lower the male 
sex drive. I know that is nonsense. but 
several people at work say that there is 
now а chemical u inishes the cr 
ings of the horn Тае. К. 
Houston. Texas. 

Yes, there are several. Last year, “Forum 
Newsfront" reported on a British product 
(benperidol) that would undo the trick. 
Now the Schering Corporation of West 
rmany (where else?) has developed а 


form of chemical castration. Androcur 
(the company’s trade name for cypro- 
terone acetate) inhibits the function of 
the male sex hormone testosterone. Tes- 
tosterone is а primary source of sexual 
desive—it activates the erotic centeis in 
the brain and is a biological prerequisite 
for orgasm (ie, it is vital to sperm 
production, erection and ejaculation). 
Sexual attraction can raise the level 
of blood testosterone. Anxiety, stress, 
defeat, humiliation and depression can 
result in low testosterone levels. Androcur 
does the same thing as the latter, with 
greater efficiency. The drug has been 
used to heat compulsive sex criminals 
in several European. countries—after a 
few weeks on the drug, both the spirit 
and the flesh are unwilling, uninterested 
and unable. (Potency returns when the 
treatment is stopped.) The Germans be- 
lieve that Androcur may be used to treat 
couples with unequal sex drives. A spokes- 
man for Schering, Dr. А. W. Hircus, 
suggested: “There's no reason why a very 
small dosage of the drug could not be 
given to a hypersexual husband. It 
would reduce him to a *onceaxecek" man 
if, in fact, that is what his wife wants.” 
Of course, if his once-aweck urge doesn't 
coincide with hey once-a-week willingness, 
then theres trouble. The drug. is not 
available in the United Siates—before 
й сан be sold here, it must pass rather 
stringent tests. Since the male sex hor- 
mones also influence nonsexual behavior 
such as energy, appetite and aggressive- 
ness, the side effects of Androcur might 
not be desirable. Imagine if the drug fell 
into the wrong hands. Radical guerrillas 
might dump a large quantity into the 
watersupply system of Pasadena and no 
one would ever know. 


The other morning, 1 rose before my 
boyfriend and spent several minutes 
him sleep. I noticed that he de- 
veloped an crection just before he woke 
up. 1 remember reading that this is one 
of the indications that a person is dream- 
ing—rapid сус movements being anoth- 
er. Do you think he would mind if I 
performed fellatio on his sleeping org: 
some morning?—Miss С. W.. Kansas City 
Kansas. 

Go ahead and blow reveille—then 
you'll really see some rapid eye move- 
ments. 


All reasonable questions—from_ fash- 
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette— 
will be personally answered if the writer 
includes a stamped, self-addressed en- 
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi- 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages cach month. 


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All the reasons you had 
for not buying 4-channel 


Introducing the 
Panasonic RE-8585. 
It plays everything in 
4-channel. Yet it isn’t 

complicated. Doesn't 
cost a bundle. And it 

even remembers your 

stereo collection. 

The Panasonic 

RE-8585 lets you hear 

4-channel records, tapes 
and broadcasts. And 
because it's a discrete 
System, it lets you hear 
4-channel the way it 


should be heard. | 
Through four separate 
and distinct BOO 
channels of sound. |ү Er 
Thats why RCA, |e mm -e.e 2 


Warner, Elektra, Atlantic 
and other recording companies 
chose discrete for their 
4-channel records. And 
why every 4-channel 
8-track tape is 
recorded in discrete. 
To hear all this 


" 


just disappeared. 


т 2 m 


4-channel music, 
the RE-8585 gives 
you all this: 

An 11” automatic 
record changer with 
our built-in CD-4 
demodulator and semi- 

= conductor cartridge for 
4-channel records. 
An 8-track tape player 
for 4-channel cartridges. 
An FM/AM/FM stereo 
radio that also plays 
4-channel broadcasts. 
And four full-range air- 
suspension speakers. 
The RE-8585 even 
| improves the sound 
| of stereo records, 
| tapes and broadcasts 
" thanks to our exclusive 
Quadruplex IV "circuitry. 

The Panasonic RE-8585. 
It's one of our Series 44 
systems. But it's also 
all the reasons you 
need to enjoy 
4-channel now. 


Panasonic. 


Discrete 4-Channel 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


an interchange of ideas between reader and editor 
on subjects raised by “the playboy philosophy" 


REPEALING SEX LAWS 

tercourse between u 
adults is no 1 Cr a crime in Monte. 
California. There were three laws on the 
books here е of immorality, 
mber of the 


narried 


opposite sex to h ter- 

e, one prohibiting р ny pri- 
vate place for such int ad one 
forbidding a room for that 


purpose. I am proud to have been the 
councilman who proposed the repeal of 
these laws, which was carried inimous- 
ly by the city council. 1 intend to соп 
to work for repeal of laws tha 
Ch on individual freedom 


id 


Tom Keiser, Councilman 
FI Monte. Califor 


CONSIDERATE WOMAN 
lilorr 


The € 
of prostitu 


persons for money or 
tion.” And The Real 
‘consider 


penal code’s definition 
is "any lewd act between 
her 


conside 


Handbook 


states 


In most st 
we and 


duding € 
have value 


Willi; A. Col 
Long Beach, € 


wood 
lifornia 


BIG AND PROUD 

АН of a sudden, 1 have becom 
nent 10 make 
penises unfashionable. When 1 was in 
high school the guys in the locker room 
ious ol my massive member (ten 
ches erect, but they never saw it t 
way); the girls in college loved it (they 
id see it a wife (who 
sees it that way a lot of the time) has 
never complained altcr nine years of 
marriage and two children. 

Bur now sex researchers are playing 
down the usefulness of a large penis in 
hips, Articles 
on sex repeatedly stare th 


aw: 


growin 


мїасгөгу sexual rela 


woman 
"ge 
б intercour 
nt and in con 


can't tell the dillerence between a 
and а small penis dur 
Widely 1 encounter in р 


ation the myth that men with large 
bother 10 develop love 
skills. which is as false the 


ful women are lousy in 
the А 


with a 


ass be 


to that the 


suspe 


EQUAL THINGS 

In the July Playboy Forum, a Holly 
wood woman who describes herself а 
experienced. raises the question, "Given 
equ y to make love, is the m 
with the large penis more pl 
This at least. moves discussion of the im. 
portance of penis size be 


don't. bother 
while 
artists d 


to learn lovemaking skills 
cn with small penises are 
bed. But the i 


puts the 
. because 


unrealistic w 
there's no such thi 


"equal ability to 
could call myself an expe 
too, and what I've found is that nowhy 
does the uniqueness of person come 
out so fully as in bed. 1 D analyze 
what makes а particular sexual encoun- 
ter more or less pleasant, E find that 
there are literally hundreds of factors i 
myself, in my partner and in ihe situs 
tion, all of which difference. The 
time of day, the weather, the color of the 
n's eyes, the meal 1 just ate, the man's 
overall intelligence, the nature of our 
relationship, the conversations we have, 
the color of the ceiling i 
any of these could 
tant than the size of his 
. The whole business is far too won- 
derfully and subtly complicated for any 
of us to s 


the 


room 


where we make love 
be me i 


Minneapolis, Minnesota 


SEXUAL CYCLE 

The June Playboy Forum included а 
lener from an anonymous woman in 
New Jersey who is now enjoyi 
she calls "completely free sex," Т 
think she knows what it's all about yet. 1 
went her route: from men 1 loved to 
en 1 had strong feelings about, shen to 
en I Jiked, finally to anyone sexually 
auractive—and then E got bored with 
sex. I went back to men I liked and now 
Гап back 10 those I like a lot, and I sus 
pect soon I may stick only to the ones (or 


w 


don't 


The 
Beefeater’ bottle 
you fill 
instead of empty. 


ORTED 
М ENGLAND 


Е 29 


Keep your change in this 

astic bank. Shaped like a 
Almost 2” high. 
95 postpaid. 


PO. Box 4072 
ind Central Station, N.Y. 10017 


1 

1 

1 

1 

1 Lenclose $9.95 in check or money 
I order for one Beefeater bank boule. 
| 

1 

І 

I 

| 

| 

l 


Nome 0 


good only 


Sa د‎ >> 


sates where pern 


IMPORTED FROM ENGLAND BY KOBRAND, N.Y., 
94 PROOF, 100% GRAIN NEUTRAL SPIRITS 


59 


PLAYBOY 


60 


even one) I love. One I love taught me 
the joy of total surrender (which can be 
(ced by both men and women) 
n't surrender to someone T don 

love. After feeling that thrill. anything 
else seems hardly worth while. Oh, if I get 
really horny, a good screw is pleasant, 
but it doesn’t equal. making love. And 

i ng lor the real t 


akes it better. 


Betsy Bassett. 


SACROSANCT SEX 

As rLAYnov well knows, the old, 
doctrinal rules i 1 
have no 
real disca: 


fy yo 
missive appie . Casual sex is 
mful because something p 
exual faculty, is used frivolously. Using 
а body—one’s own or another’s—as а 
object for ual gratification is de- 


should express and enhance the 
nümacy of two people. Complete 
intimacy might sometimes be found out- 
side of marriage, but йз unlikely—i 
deed, even some marriages don 
Without intimacy and perm 
one's body can only be of low and tr: 
nce to one's partner, which 
jous loss of self-esteem. 
it's good — possessing 
the power to express and strengthen love 
and to create lile. It shouldn't be used in 
ways that demean it. 


nest Bishop 
Cincinnat 
You're nol really saying that sex is 
good; youre saying only one hind of sex 
iy good and all the vest are harmful and 
destructive to self-esteem. But why must 
а casual, mainly physical encounter in- 
volve using people as objects? 1f you 
meet an attractive stranger and she wants 
10 go to bed with you and you with her, 
you're simply empathizing with her and 
treating. her as a subject with a will of 
her own by doing it. Malloy, in “From 
Here to Eternity, never laid 
а woman that I didn't love.” For people 
like him, sex and one's partner are al- 
ways significant. 
Sex always offers something valuable 
to people, otherwise they wouldn't do it 
so often. The value in each case has to be 
judged by the people involved, not just 
on the basis of whether or not they're 
married. The fact that sex is good doesn't 
mean it has to be saved for special осса- 
sions, like a Christmas cookie. As some- 
one once said, even when sex is bad, it's 
still pretty good. 


SHAMEFUL SEX 

Even though orgasm is supremely pleas- 
t and its is virtuous 
ried couple: me something 
bestial and shameful. Quite frankly. 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


а survey of events related to issues raised by “the playboy philosophy" 


COHABITING 
CORAL сли 


cor 

5, FLOR WA—A 25-year-old 
policeman, suspended for a month be- 
cause he refused to stop living with his 
girlfriend, says he will fight the action in 
court. Three fellow officers and a woman 
police clerk stopped living with their те 
spective housemates in compliance with 
an order from the police chief, who cited 
a 106-yeay-old state law against cohabita- 
tion. The suspended officer refused оп 
the grounds that he had made binding fi- 
nancial arrangements with his girlfriend 
when they jointly purchased a boat and 
the trailer m which they live and that the 
order violates his civil rights. 


THAT OLD-TIME RELIGION 

TOWSON, MARYLAND—A county circuit 
court judge has decided not to jail five 
members of a fundamentalist religious 
cult convicted of various sex crimes, rang- 
ing from attempted таре of a 12-year-old 
girl to unnatural sex acts, After deciding 
that the sect's “orgies” were noncoercive 
and religiously inspired, the judge said, 
“All ave eccentric, but I did not jail any 


of them, because I felt they were not 
criminals in the ordinary sense and they 
posed no danger to the community.” He 
suspended the sentences and advised one 
defendant lo seek psychiatric help. He 
did not so advise the others, he said, be- 
cause “if they think they ате hearing the 
word of God, they are not going to listen 
to any shrink.” 


SOVIET SEX 
woscow—4 Soviet Union sex study 

maintains that Russian women get satis- 

faction out of sex more often than 


do women in Britain and France. The 


187-page manual, titled “Female Sexual 


Pathology” and ostensibly published for 
doctors, says that only 18 percent of 
Soviel women never experience orgasm 
compared with about 10 percent of wom- 
en in Britain and France. The manual 
Suggests caviar as a treatment for frigidity 
and notes thai vodka helps overcome in 
hibitions, but it still editorializes against 
premarital sex, claiming it “can be a 
source of severe psychic disturbances and 
can lead to social impoverishment of the 
personality.” 


OUT OF THE CLOSET 

BLOOMINGTON, INDIANA— An extensive 
study by two sociologists indicates that 
admitted homosexuals encounter much 
less discrimination and. rejection. from 
family, friends and employers than do 
men who try to keep their homosexuality 
а secret. Martin S. Weinberg and Colin 
J. Williams, researchers at Indiana Uni- 
versity's Institute for Sex Research, inter- 
viewed 2437 homosexuals in the United 
States, the Netherlands and Denmark. 
Theiy study, published by the Oxford 
University Press, also found that 

+ Homosexuals aud bisexuals appear 
to be as psychologically healthy аз the 
general population. 

+ In higherstatus occupations, homo- 
sexuals are more likely to be covert and. 
to identify with their social class instead 
of with other homosexuals. 

+ Older homosexuals have no moie psy- 
chological problems than younger ones. 

+ Americans are less tolerant of homo- 
sexuality than the Dutch or the Danes, 


POT-POURRL 

WASHINGTON, D.C—Contrary to 
popular belief that marijuana-le 
forcement is slackening, police are mak- 
ing more pot busts than ever. According 
to FBI figures, 420,700 people were 
arrested on marijuana charges in 1973, а 
13 percent increase over the previous year, 

Other news: 

+ In Virginia, a statewide survey indi- 
cates that about 500,000 residents. have 
smoked or are smoking marijuana, al- 
though all drug use in the state 
is some than the national 
average. 

+ А Federal Government report on al- 
cohol and health reveals that alcohol 
use exceeds marijuana use among teenag- 
ers and that drinking is "now almost uni- 
versal" among IS- to 20-year-olds. 

+ A two and a half year study funded 
by the Department of Health, Education 
and Welfare has failed to discover any 


the 
en- 


evidence of chromosome damage caused 
by marijuana use. 

= The woman mayor of Millstone, New 
Jersey, and her husband have been 
charged with possessing one marijuana 
plant and less than 25 grams of mari- 
juana at their home. 

«In Thomaston, Georgia, police 
charged a 20-year-old man with breaking 
into the Upson County jail compound 
and trying 10 steal the marijuana plant 
being grown there for the purpose of 
familiarizing police officers with the ap- 
pearance of the weed. A girl who was 


waiting outside was charged with aiding 
and abetting. 


R-RATED RAID 

CLOVIS, NEW MENICO—Police raided а 
local drive-in theater and arrested 23 
youths between the ages of 12 and 17 
who were watching an R-rated movie. 
The vaid was ordered by district attorney 
Fred Hensley as part of a crackdown on 
theaters that were not enforcing age 
limits. The film, "Run, Virgin, Run,” 
as confiscated, the theater owner was 
charged wih conducting a public 
nuisance and the juveniles were held as 
“children in need of supervision" until 
their parents came to get them at the po- 
lice station. 


PORN AND PYROMANIA 

матае ROCK, ARKANSAS—Police have 
filed arson charges against a 34-year-old 
man accused of protesting an adult book- 
store and two movie theaters by means 
of a homemade flame thrower. Armed 


with a pesticide sprayer filled with flam- 
mable liquid, the suspect’ managed to 
burn $3000 worth of books and magazines 
at the stove; then he caused extensive 
damage to a drive-in theater and minor 
damage 10 a theater showing X-rated films 
before the police caught up with him. 


WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE GANDER 
ARRISBURG, PENNSYLVANIA—The se 
preme court of Penusylvania has ruled 
that a wife may recover damages for loss 
of her husband's sexual functions in acci- 
dent cases. Men already have the right to 
collect for such a loss in their wives, and 
the court held that the equal-rights 
amendment to (he state constitution 


automatically extends the same right to 
women. 


SHEARING THE FLOCK 

woNTREAL-A local priest has been 
sued for $80,000 by a physician who 
claims the clergyman seduced his wife 
and broke up their marriage while acting 
as their spiritual advisor. The вий alleges 
that the priest's counseling sessions with 
the wife included sexual relations on 
out-of-town trips and that the priest re- 
ceived $10,000 that the physician gave 
to his wife—at the priest's suggestion— 
"so she could become financially more 
independent.” 

Meanwhile, the supreme court of 
Texas has ruled that а husband cannot 


collect damages from the Dallas Episco- 
pal diocese or its bishop just because a 
priest in the diocese had a sexual affair 
with his wife after the two met in a соп- 
fessional. The husband's suit. charging 
alienation of affection, contended that 
the bishop and the diocese were finan- 
cially liable for the conduct of the priest, 
but the court disagreed. Н concurred 
with an appeals-cou ruling that “If the 
servant has turned. aside from the mas- 
ter's business tu pursue a mission or frol- 
ic of his own, he is clearly not engaged in 
the master’s business so as to create 
liability upon the master for his wrong.” 


THE BUG KILLERS 

orrawa—The Canadian Parliament 
has passed strict laws against intercepting 
private conversations and has prohibited 
the purchase, posession or sale of elec- 
tronic surveillance devices. Illegal bug- 
ging now carries a penalty of up to jive 
years in prison and a convicted o[jendei 
may also be ordered to pay up то $5000 
damages to the bugging victim, who can 
seek additional damages in civil court. 
In the few situations where police can 
obtain court-authorized wire taps, the 
subject of the bugging must be notified 
afterward within 90 days that he had been 
under such surveillance 


happy that, as a Catholic priest, 
Img e lor the rest 
of my Ше on earth. The uncontrolled 
ng. heaving, grimacing, grum 
moaning, dawing, dutching 

accompany 
e me asa 
alom to human dignity. And since 
man, unlike the animals, is а supremely 
dignified creature made in the image of 


climax st 


God, 1 believe that such. an affront de- 
Hed best 

‘The reason sex is shameful lies in orig- 

lt of Adam and Eves 


isobedience to God, their se 
пе mysteriously corrupted, so that they 
diately felt ashamed of it, grabbed 
for the fig leaves and sought privacy for 
copulation, The current anthropological 
trend is to define man as the toolmaking 
animal. 1 believe it would be much more 
бо define him as the tool-cov 


accurate 
ering ani 
about 

societies. 


al, since the sense of shame 
beset all 


eX seems to human 


Now that’s а refreshing letter. Too 
many clergymen applaud sex in an effort 
to be worldly, fashionable and relevant, 
and then come up with a dozen sophisti- 
cated-sounding reasons jor not engaging 
in it. Here's one who's genuinely offended 
by the snorting and writhing of the beast 
with two backs. 

We tuned. Father Harrison's figleaf 
theory over 10 our anthropology depart- 
ment and got a different interpretation 
Primitive man sought sexual privacy be 
cause in the throes of intercourse he 
vulnerable to sneak attack; and he cov- 
ered his sex organ because it was especial. 
ly sensitive to injury and tended to hang 
Just about at thombush level. Note the 
similarities between the loincluth and the 
joclistrap. 


гак 


GRASS AND SEXUALITY 

piaynoy readers will doubtless be 
terested in the results of the most exten- 
sive British study of Cannabis since the 
1894 Indian Hemp Drugs Commission, In 
the report, The Cannabis Experience: 
An Interpretive Study of the Effects of 
Marijuana and Hashish (Peter Owen, 
Ltd. London), Calvin Hernt 
ошм, and 1, a psychiauist, present first- 
ements [rom more than 500 
abis users. 
di our conclusions, we used new 
ided techniques for analyzing 
ng our subjects reports. The 
1 of the study consists of а thorough 
exploration of the experiences that the 
drug can induce. These depend on the 
basic variables of personality, prior 
arity, environment, quantity and 
quality of the drug and degree of the 
high. Physically, Cannabis is а powerful 
хапе and sleep inducer, but it can 
also be a stimulant. It is on perception 


а sociol- 


61 


62 


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that Cannabis has some of its more re- 
markable effects, Sight, sound, touch 
taste and smell can all become more in 
tense. In consequence, 
have significant aphrodisiac properties. 
The vast majority of women and men 
made statements similar to these: “Sex is 
much nicer when high: it always seems to 
go on longer; everything about it is im- 
proved" and “to turn on and go to bed 
with а member of the opposite sex is an 
incredible experience 


nabis seems to 


Arcas of pleasure 
on the body are so sensitive and the feel 
ings of involvement in the sit 


whole become much more intense. 
Other important findings are that pot 
is not addictive, docs not in itself lead to 
the use of other drags and is not con 
nected with physical or emotional illness 
or antisocial behavior 
Joseph Н. Berke, M.D. 
London, England 


TIME, NEWSWEEK AND NORML 
Last spring, the National Or 
tion for the Reform of Marijuana Li 
tied to buy space in Time and New: 
week to place an ad favoring marijuar 
decriminalization. The ad showed Queen 
Victoria in caricature, smoking а joint, 
and was h ed “LAST YEAR, 300,000 


adii; 


AMERICANS WERE ARRESTED РОК SMOKING 
THAT 
REGULARLY FOR MENSTRUAL CRAMP: 


AN HERB QUEEN VICTORIA 


To our chagrin, neither. publication 


would sell us sp: and neither would 


tell us why. We submitted a different ad 
reading “ENOUGH PEOPLE WERE ARRESTED 
FOR MARIJUANA IN 1973 TO EMPTY THE 


The The 
Discovered Undiscovered 


^ 
X A Even though we've been 
Е. = ( around since 1870, 
| very few people know 
we do some things 
the other Tennessee 
Sour Mash distiller doesn’t. 
Like letting the mash 
sit a day longer and 
\ cooling while we charcoal 
! filter. If you want 
| to know why, you can 


either buy a bottle 
of George Dickel or 
call the man who 
makes it, Ralph Dupps. 
At 615-851-3124, 
Tullahoma, Tennessee. 


There's another 
Tennessee 
Sour Mash Whisky, 
but there's only one 
George Dickel. 


Dickel 


TENNESSEE 


Sour ash 
w e d 
„WHISK 


J в pa 


ILED AT THE DISTILLERY 
MADE IN TENNESSEE 


ws 
© 1976 - GEORGE A. DICKEL & CO, * 86.8 PROOF + TULLAHOMA, TENNESSEE 1 


PLAYBOY 


80 years ago E Beniamino Cribari 
made a mellow wine just for family & friends. 


Nothing's changed. 


WHOLE CITY OF ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA, DON'T 
YOU THINK 1178 TIME WE STOPPED?” This, 
100, rejected. Time simply would 
not give us its reasons for not accepting 
the ad; we had an indication from Ne 
week that our ad might be 
ijuana were legal—a perfect ex: 
ple of Catch-22, 
Of course, а publisher hı 
accept or reject а ertisement and 
no one сап force him to give reasons for 
his actions, but he then has to take the 
responsibility—and the criticism. Per 
haps Time and Newsweek simply want 
ed to avoid offending those of their 
readers who support a punitive policy 
on marijuana. Bur they have as much as 
told the rest of us that they're unwilling 
even to sell space to promote a reform 
that would keep thousands of kids out 
of jail. 
R. Keith Stroup. 
National Organization for the 
orm of Marijuan 
rington, D.C. 
Not every medium for advertising is as 
uptight about ads supporting marijuana- 
law reform. The Playboy Foundation 
contributes to NORML and, of course, 
rLAYBoY and Oui have published 
NORMI's ads. New York City's Metro- 
politan Transit Authority agreed to sell 
NORML space on city buses for posters. 
And even that solid citizen of the ne 
paper world The Wall Street Jour 
looked askance at Ti 
action, remarking that “the newsmags 
aren't all that trendy” The Journal 
added, “Newspapers cherish their right 
lo turn. down advertising, but this right 
assumes that the people they reject will 
still be able to air their views somewhere 
else. So our hat goes off to New York's 
ALTA. for its service 10 free speech." 


ecutive Director 


Laws 


al 
and Newsweek's 


CALIFORNIA POT REFORM 
gs the Califor 
te Select Committee on the 
Contiol of. Marijuana has issued а final 
eport calling for the removal of all 
criminal penalties for the private use 
and posession of marijuana, The in 
quiry concluded, "Even assuming mari- 
juana has some undesirable ог harmful 
propertics, attempts at prohibition 
through utilization of the criminal law is 
not а proper approach im conuoll 
these properties and effect 

The committee found that over 400.000 
Californians have been arrested on mari 
juana charges since 1960, and more than 
half of these arrests have been made in 
the last three years for which official 
statistics are available, 1970, 1971 and 
1972. In 1972, for example, marijuana 
arrests comprised 22 percent of all adult 
felony arrests in Approxi 
у $100,000,000 is spent 
ifor: 


to 


tel 
enforce 


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63 


PLAYBOY 


64 


The 3-pipe 


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dearly there's a need to reappraise law- 
enforcement priorities. 
State senator George Moscone of San 
Francisco, chairman of the committee, 
plans on introducing legislation next year 
to implement the committee's major 
recommendations. NORML fully sup- 
ports this proposed legislation and plans 
to decriminalize 
а in 1975 
Gordon S. Brownell 
West Coast € 
National Organization for the 
Reform of Marijuana Laws 
San Francisco, Calilornia 


BY ANY OTHER NAME 

The California Department of Cor- 
rections has come up with a new euphe- 
mism for prisoners who inform on fellow 
inmates. Ате you ready? Constructive 
feedback! 


Roy L. McCollou 
Vacaville, California 


NADER'S PARADOX 

Considered in itself, Ralph 
report “Setting the Facts Free 
Playboy Forum, July) states a jx 
I agree ewed in con 
to N regarding 
desirability of Governmental regula 
of goods and ices, its sheer hy 
pocrisy. Nader believes the Government 
cannot be trusted to decide what in- 
format ideals are good for thc 
people, but, when it comes to industrial 
products, Nader has long advocated Gov- 
ernment power to control quality and 
prices in the name of protecting the con 
sumer. Somehow Nader has concluded 
that consumers are not competent to dis 
criminate alternative products 
and the di ndors, and that 
businessmen cannot be permitted to 
offer anything they want at whatever 
price they wish to set. 

Freedom is freedom, damn it. If it 
means being able to accept or reject as 
well as espouse any ideas through апу 
medium of communication, then it 
should also mean being able 
reject as well as to sell any products or 
services in free and open markets 
L. Jordan 
St. Louis, Missouri 


accept or 


CRASHING SYMBOLS 

Winston Churchill once penned the 
motto “In victory, magnanimity.” Such 
a sentiment, however, rarely moves 
newly liberated people, In Cairo, alter 
the overthrow of King Faruk, national- 
ist zealots destroyed Sheph: ard's Hotel, 
where British colonial mucky-nucks 
used to stay, And in Dublin a few years 
back, some longstewing Irishman blew 
up a monument to English n. 
Lord Horatio Nelson. The br 
liberated women, it would seem, are 
stirred by similar urges to expunge even 

ymbols of opp i 

York, who had already invaded and 


n. Feminists in 


©1974 Polaroid Corporation. Polaroid® SX-70™ Leather: optional. 
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PLAYBOY 


66 


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ed that former male sanctuary, 
s Bar of the Biltmore Hotel. 
: now obtained а court order decree 
ing that it can't even be called the Men's 
Bar anymore. 
I wonder what they will end up call 
ing it: the Human Ваг? the People's 
E hit be interesting to call it the 
nd sce if апу men protest 
Irving Grossman 
New York. New York 
How about the Bar None? 


Women’s 


THE SCAPEGOAT 

Richard Ni 
lieved him to be a dan 
do not feel sorry for hi 
watched his fellow 


ie. Гуе always be 
ous man and I 
now, but as 1 
cians self 


cously closing in to finish him oll. several 


t thoughts sprang to mind. Onc 


was the ritual of the scape 
Biblical times used to symbolic 
fer all their sins to a goat (Fm not quite 
sure how this was done) and drive it out 
of town. Then they would tell themselves 
all the evil was gone from their midsi 

and the evil 


They were wrong. of course. 
among them probably flourished all the 
more while their guard was down. Also, 
a the days when they had public hang- 
ings, pickpockets used to have their best 
pickings in the crowds of people who 
е watching some poor guy being 
strung up. 
1 think in the post Wat 
better keep a tight grip on our wallets 
Thomas Daley 
Boston, M. 


wi 


ate cra we'd 


husets 


PILL FEARS 
1 was interested in your comments to 
Miss G. Carter about contraceptives for 


males (The Playboy Forum, June). Like 
her, 1 had always suspected that male 
doctors had devised birth-control pills 
for women because they saw no reason 
why the inferior sex shouldn't bear the 


burdens of comwaceptive responsibility 
and side effects. 1 found your description 
of the complexity of the sperm-producing 
system and the technical difficulties ol 
developing a male pill very enlightening 
1 hope researchers develop a chemical 

а dia 


male contraceptive soon. 1 usc 
phragm. though 1 find it a nuisance and 
I worry that it might fail sometime. I 
wish I could use oral contraceptives. bur 
I've been frightened by all those stories 
of cancer, blood clots and other disorders 
being linked with the pill. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Cincinnati. Ohio 
1 British study, the largest ever done 
on the effects of oral contraceptives, 
states. “The estimated risk al the present 
time of using the pill is one (hat a prope 
erly informed woman should be happy 
to take.” The Royal College of General 
Practitioners, after 16 000 
women, half on the pill and halj not, 
Jor four years, confirmed that some wom 
en do suffer adverse effects. Мо new 


observing 


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Of course, if you had an Accutron" tuning fork 
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harmful effects were discovered, though, 
and й turned out that some suspected 


risks were nonexistent. The report con 

OW firms thai blood clots ате about six times 
more common among pill users. Accord- 

e ing to an earlier British study, for ex 

ample, in the 20- to 34-year-old range, 0.2 

ө died of strokes and clotting diseases, 


whereas there were 15 deaths per 100,000 
women among pill users. However, this 
Ф 
The whiskey 
that whispers. 


risk, as well us other effects, can be 
reduced by the use of the low-estrogen 
birth-control pills that have been avail 
able since 1970. There is no evidence of 
any connection between the pill and can 
cer, though it will take longer observation 
10 mle out а link absolutely. It turns out 
that there are some beneficial side effects, 
100, such as the easing of menstrual dis 
orders and reduced incidence of non 
cancerous breast lumps, ovarian cysts and 
acne. Di. Clifford. Kay, recorder of the 


d, "We seem to 


study, cautiously declare 
be on to а good thing.” 


BIRTH-CONTROL CONTROL 
In these days of continuing controver 
sy over the legality and morality of abor- 
y surprise PLAYBOY'S readers 
half of the 

states. where 
access to contraceptives is still strictly 
limited, which makes it extremely dith 


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e 
What Ya hica aple, condoms and no 
S means ms cannot be sold by 
n a pharmacist, and in New York, 
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Want to be just as proud of the pictures you counter. Ап attempt earlier 
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and. pharmacists, to sell or provide con- 
waceptives 10 anyone under the 
16—even if he or she is married! 5 


g 
carly tcens—with abortion the fre 
quent resuli—this seems a particularly 


the supposedly conservative South 
that is most liberal with respect to con- 
traceptiv xample, there аге almost 
no legal limitations on contraceptive pro- 
motion or sale in Georgia 
Florida, North , South Caroli 
Texas and Tennessee. States that arc 

i 


olin 


alleged to be more progrewsive— 
fornia, Michigan, Massachusets, New 
Jersey, New York and Pennsyivan 
ironically, all have severe restrictions on 
the d advertising of contraceptives 
Populat ational is 
filing suit in the st 
YASHICA testing the const 
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should soon have a ruling as to whether 
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Philip D. Harvey, Director 
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New York, New York 


ALICE IN BURGERLAND 
The battle against sexy books has 
ken many a weird turn since Chiel Jus 
tice Warren. Burger declared. that litera- 
ture may be banned without proof that 
it can harm anybody if it is found to 
be obscene by community standards 
(whatever they may be). Suruggling with 
the Burger doctrine of community stand- 
ards, Pennsylvania мше legislators. de- 
fined the county as the legal community, 
enabli 
embodying 
in the right direction. Once we pass 
beyond state rights t0 county rights, we 
are obviously on our way toward town 
rights and neighborhood 
nt eventually even arrive at individ- 
ual rights 

Mas, the bill was vetoed by Governor 
Milton Shapp because the legislators, in 
their zeal to be tough on pornography, 
had worded the statute in such a way 
that minors could be barred from all 
bookstores. 


counties to ра 


aws 
such standards. This is a step 


A. Russell 


Pittsburgh. Pennsylvania 


OBSCENE: TAKE TWO 

Every time the Supreme Court pussy 
posse goes to work I am reminded of the 
question Butch Cassidy asked the Sun 
nce Kid: “Who are those guys?” Once 
ain a majority of the Justices have 
joined forces in the relentless: pursuit of 
the absurd. Last June's Hamling and 
Jenkins decisions reveal that a majority 
of the Court persists in the beliet that 
pornography leaves unsightly stains on 


1 fabric. So what happens 
when a person receives unsolicited ma 
terial in the mail (Miller vs. California 
Hamling vs. United States)? He makes а 
complaint, the officials react and some- 
onc goes to jail for three years. 

m not enchanted by the way many 
cops treat rape victims but it might bc 
interesting, in an occasional obscenity 
cise. if the complainant. were similarly 
interrogated: “Did you wy to resist? 
Are you bruised or scratched? Are you 
sure you did't invite the attack? Are 
there waces of semen in your undergar- 
ments? Did you enjoy it? Why are you 
making this complaint? Were you a virgin 
when it happened? I'm sorry. this kind of 
case happens all the time, but it's impos- 
sible to prosecute. Why don't you go 
home and forget about it? Face it like ап 
adult." 

Ihe Court only 
with each new case they revie 
year, they tried to abandon the old stand 
upandbecounted test for obscenity 


ds to the confusion 


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We can't define it but we know it when 
we react to it.” (Now you know why the 
Justices wear robes.) Actually I hated to 
see the nine old men give up their role as 
arbiters: I always figured that as the Jus- 
tices grew older their standards would 
become—how shall I say it?—more re 
xed. But, instead of making their per- 
sonal tastes the national standard. they 
decided to let each community arrive at 
its own definition of obscenity. They sug- 
gested some guidelines: To be obscene, 
(1) a work had то be patently offensive 
(patent means obvious; in biology, it 
means open or spread: so beaver shots аге 
patently offensive). (2) It had to appeal 
to the prurient interest of the average 
person, applying community standards. 
As Lenny Bruce pointed out. prurient 
comes from the Latin word for itch, thus 
anything that yearns to be scratched is 
obscene. Like flea bites. (3) The work, 
taken as а whole, must lack serious 
literary, artistic, political or scientific 
alue. The problem with this LAPS 
alue is that it disappears when a person 
stands up. 
The most 
cent deci 


"teresting facet of the re- 
their absurdity. You 
can go to jail for publishing or exhibi 
ing obscenity. How do you know what 
is obscene? The judge tells you just 
before he sends vou to jail. In Hamling, 
the Court upheld the San Diego jury's 
guilty verdict, because it supposedly rep- 
resented the local community standards. 
The Court apparently felt that the $ 
s were not influenced by the 
local judge's repeated instructions to 
ignore their own standards. (The judge 
referred to “national standards” 14 times 
in four pag nscript.) Never mind 
that the trial judge refused to allow the 
defense to introduce a survey conducted 
by a sociology student who had shown 
the supposedly obscene brochure to 718 
people in San Diego (a majority found the 


were going that day, it's lucky he didn't 
issue а bench warrant for the pollster. | 


preme Court is reluctant to impose 
tional standards on local communities 
but in which Federal prosecutions, as in 
Hamling. can be based on local standard: 
Maybe they should hire a representativ 
community to review obscene material— 
like the town of Badger, Califor (the 
entire population of which ate at McDon- 
ald’s for only $1261). At least their 
pense accounts would be reasonable. 
Jolm Gibson 
Atlanta, Georgia 
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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: HUN TER THOMP SON 


a freewheeling conversation with the outlaw journalist and only 


man alive to ride with both richard nixon 


Hunter Stockton Thompson was born 
and grew up in Louisville, Kentucky, 
and jor the past 15 years he has worked 
as a free-lance writer. He began it all in 
the Air Force by lying his way into a job 
as sports editor of the base newspaper. 
He was fired and threatened with duty 
in Iceland when his superiors discovered 
that he was also writing about sports for 
а civilian paper under another name. 
After he was discharged, he took writing 
jobs and was fired from them in Penn- 
sylvania (for destroying his editors car), 
in Middletown, New York (where he in- 
sulted an advertiser and kicked a candy 
machine to death), at Time magazine 
(for his altitude) and in Puerto Rico, 
where the bowling magazine he was 
orking for failed and he decided to 
give up journalism. He moved to Big 
Sur, where his wife, Sandy, made motel 
beds while he wrote a novel that was 
never published. 

His first real success as a writer came 
when he moved to South. America and 
began sending stories on tin miners, jun- 
gle bandits and smugglers back to The 
al Observer, which was printing 
them on the front page and paying him 
well for them. He continued to write 
for it when he returned to the States but 
quit finally in a bitter dispute with his 


“In Washington, the truth is never told in 
daylight hours or across а desk. If you 
catch people when they're very tired or 
drunk or weak, you can gel some answers. 


You have to wear the bastards down.” 


editors over coverage of the Berkeley 
Free Speech Movement. Аре another 
try at a novel, this time in San Francisco, 
he wrote a story for The Nation on а 
gang of motorcycle outlaws that he turned 
into his first book, "Hell's Angels: A 
Strange and Terrible Saga” Не con- 
tinued to write for magazines, develop 
ing his wide-open, oftencrilicized style. 
Then, in 1971, he turned two abortive 
magazine assignments into a stunning 
romp called “Fear and Loathing in Las 
Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart 
of the American Dream," which earned 
him an almost immediate reputation as 
one of the toughest and funniest wrilers 
in America. 

Since then, he has written about foot- 
ball and power politics for Rolling 
Stone and his dispatches written during 
the 1972 Presidential campaign became 
his third book, “Fear and Loathing: On 
the Campaign Trail 772." 

Early in the year, PLAYBOY sent Craig 
Vetter to interview Thompson. Vetter's 
report: 

“This interview was hammered and 
stitched together over seven months, on 
the road, mosily, in Mexico and Wash- 
ington, San Clemente and Colorado, and 
as I write this, we are in Chicago, where 
re up 


tornado warnings are out, and we 


“Tue never believed in that guru trip 
about drugs. You know, God, nirvana, 
that bullshit. E just like to gobble the stuff 
right out in the street and see what hap- 
pens, just stomp on my own accelerator." 


and the hell's angels 


against a hellfire deadline that has me 
seeing ghosts and has Dr. Thompson 
locked in a penthouse full of mirrors on 
the 20th floor of an Astor Street high-rise. 
He has the heavy steel window lou 
cranked shut, there is a lamp behind 
him (hat has had its neck snapped off 
and he is bent over a coffee table cursing. 
We are trying to salvage this interview, 
making changes, corrections, additions— 
all of them unnecessary until nine days 
ago, when Richard Nixon quit. Thomp. 
son is mumbling that the motor control 
in his pen hand is failing and he is not 
kidding, You can't read his Rs anymore 
and all five vowels may become illegible 
soon. We might have finished this thing 
like gentlemen, except for Richard 
хоп, who might as well have sent the 
plumbers’ unit to torch the entire second 
half, the political half, of the manuscript 
we have worked on so long. All of it has 
had to be redone in the past few | 
less days and it has broken the 
neurly everyone even vaguely involved. 
“Thompson is no stranger to this sort 
of madness. In fact, he has more than 
once turned scenes like this into art: 
Gonzo Journalism, his own wild and 
dangerous invention, was born im the 
fires of а nearly hopeless deadli 
and altho по onc 


c crisis 
his 


can storm 


AL SATTERWHITE/ CAMERA 5 
“If Nixon's resignation proves the system 
works, you have 10 wonder how well it 
might have worked if we'd had a really 
sophisticated criminal in the White 
House instead of a used-car salesman.” 


75 


PLAYBOY 


76 


demons and win every time out, the 
mad and speedy Doctor does it more 
often and with move humor than any 
other journalist working today. He's still 
talking to himself over there, chewing on 
his cigarette holder, and a few minutes 
ago he said, ‘When this is over, I'm going 
back to Colorado and sleep like an ani- 
mal, and he wasn't kidding about that, 
either. Because for the past two weeks, 
Vivon's last few weeks, Thompson has 
suffered and gone sleepless in Wash- 
ington with another deadline on an im- 
peachment story that was finally burned 
to a cinder by the same fire storm that 
gutted the White House. Finally it has 
been too much even for the man they 
call ‘ihe quintessential outlaw journalist’ 
We have been forced over the course of 
this epic lo use certain drugs in such 
quantity that he has terminated his per- 
sonal drug research for good and in the 
same desperate fit, he has severed all 
connection with national politics and is 
relurning, for new forms of energy, lo 
his roots. 

“We've well into the 30th hour 
and there won't be many more, no mat- 
ter what. Thompson is working over his 
last few answers, still talking to himself, 
and I think 1 just heard him say, ‘The 
rest will have to be done by God,’ which 
may mean that he is finished. 

“And though this long ана killing 
project is ending here in desperate, 
guilty, shor-tempered. ugliness, it began 
all those months ago, Јат from this gar- 
den of agony, оп a sunshine island in the 
Caribbean where Thompson and Sandy 
and 1 had gone to begin taping. 

“The fost time I turned on the tape 
recorder, we were sitting on a sea wall, 
in damp, salty bathing suits, under palm 
trees. It was warm, Nixon was still our 
President and Thompson was sucking 
up bloody marys, vegelables and all, and 
he had just paid a young newsboy bandit 
almost one dollar American for a paper 
that would have cost a straighter, more 
sober person 24 cents.” 


now 


PLAYBOY: You just paid as much for your 
morning paper аз you might for a good 
hit of mescaline. Are you a news junkie, 
too? 

THOMPSON: Yeah, I must have the news. 
One of these mornings, I'm gouna buy a 
paper with a big black headline that 


зау, “RICHARD NIXON. COMMITIED. эи 
LAST NIGHT.” Jesus . . . can you imagine 
that rus) 


PLAYBOY: Do you get off on poli 
ne way you get off on drugs? 

THOMPSON: Somct 
politics, dep 
are «Шет 


ics the 


ics. It depends on the 
nds on the drugs . . . there 
ds of highs. 1 had this 


night with a guy who wanted me to do 
Zihuatanejo with him and get stoned for 
about ten days on the finest flower tops 
10 be hz И of Mexico. But I told 


him I couldn't do that; L had to be back 
in Washington. 

PLAYBOY: That doesn't exactly fit your 
mage as the drugcrazed outlaw journal- 
ist. Are you saying you'd rather have 
been in the capital, covering the Senate 
Watergate hearings or the House Judi- 
ciary Committee debate оп Nixon's 
impeachment, than stoned on the beach 
in Mexico with a buncli of freaks? 
THOMPSON: Well—it depends on the tim- 


ing. On Wednesday. 1m nt to go 
to Washington; on Thursday, 1 
want to go to Zihuat 


PLAYBOY: Today must be Thursday. be- 
cause already this morning you've had two 
bloody marys, three beers and about 
four spoons of some white substance and 
you've been up for only an hour. You 
don't deny that you're heavily 
drugs, do you? 

THOMPSON: No. why sh 
like d 
powder last n 


o 


ald E deny i? 1 
me this white 
hi. D suspect irs cocai 


ugs. Somebody gay 


this 5 
is goddamn humidity. 1 can't even 
cut it up with the scissors in my Swiss- 


drug on the market. I's not worth thc 
effort or the risk or the mo t 


these days and they have а 
pass the stuff around, and t 
Tm a litle i 
foii: 


rooms: 
just 


a genuine high. Из пос 
up—you know, like speed, which 


delics like mesc 
pushrooms, it's a very clear ki 
high, an interior hi ‚ when 
you're dealing with psychedelics, there's 
only one king drug, when you get down 
to it. and that’s acid. About twice а year 
you should blow your fucking tubes out 
With a tremendous hit of really good 
cid. Take 72 hours and just go com- 
pletely amuck, break it all down, 
PLAYBOY: When did you take you 


get into 


and 


psych 


nd of 


first 


working 
on the Hell's Angels book. Ken Kesey 
ted to meet some of the Angels, so I 
oduced him and he invited them all 
down to his place in La Honda. It 
horrible, momentous mecting 


credible chi 
ether. And, sure as shii 
Angels rolled in—about 10 or 50 bikes— 
and Kesey and the other people were of- 
fering them acid. And I thought, “Gres 
creeping Jesus, what's going to happen 


ppened wh 


the 


PLAYBOY: H. 
acid befor 
THOMPSON: 
frighte 


d the Angels ever been 


into 


thc 
ing thing about it. Here w 
ious bikers full of wine 


most 
€ all 
id 


were dealing with, I was sure it was 
going to be a terrible blood, rape and 
¢ scene, that the Angels would tcar 
the place арап. And I stood there 
thinking, “Jesus. I'm responsible for this. 
Im the one did in" I watched 
those lunatics gobbling the acid and I 
thought, “Shit, if its gonna gei this 
heavy I want to be as fucked up as possi 


who 


shit: we're heading into a very serious 
ht Perhaps even ugly.” So | took 
about 800 micrograms. 
blew my head oll at the 
y fine way 
ly. Га he 
ved 
couple of ycars before from this psycl 
wist who'd taken the мш and wound 
up running naked through the streets of 
Palo Alto. screaming that he wanted to 
be punished for his crimes. He didn't 
know what his crimes were and nobody 
dse did, either, so they took him aw 
and he spent a long time in а Joony b 
somewhere, and 1 thought, “That's not 
what 1 need.” Because if a guy 
seems levellicaded like that is going to 
flip out and tear off his clothes and beg 
the citizens to punish him, what the hell 
might / do? 

PLAYBOY: You didn't beg to be scourged 
and whipped? 
THOMPSON: Хо... 
anybody else, eith 
shed, I thought, 
«тагу, alter all; you 
lent or vicious person like they said.” Be 
fore that. I had this dark fear ıl [ 
lost control, all these horrible psychic 
worms and rats would come out. But I 
went to the bonom of the well and 
found out there's nothing down there 1 
ve to worry about, no secret 


nice. Surprised me, r 


these stories when 1 


who 


ad I didn’t scourge 
and when 1 was hn- 
so 


ings waiting for a chance to erupt 

PLAYBOY: You drink a little, too, don't 
you? 

THOMPSON: Y .. obviously, bur 1 
drink this stuff like I smoke cigarettes: I 
don't even notice it. You know—a bird 
fies, а fish swims, I drink. But you no 
tice I v ly sit down and say, "Now 
I'm going to get wasted." I never ear a 
tremendous amou ny one thing. 1 


rarely get drunk and I use drugs preity 
much the same way. 
PLAYBOY: Do you like mari 
THOMPSON: Nor much. lt doesn't 
well with alcohol, I don't like 10 get 
stoned and stupid. 

PLAYBOY: Wliat would you estimate you 


mix 


4 № 


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©1974 North American Philips Corporation, 100 Eas! 42nd 51.. New York, N.Y. 10017 


ul 


PLAYBOY 


78 


spend on drugs in a year? 
THOMPSON: Oh, Jesus. . . . 

PLAYBOY: What the average American 
family spends on an automobile, say? 
THOMPSON: Ycah, at least that much. [ 
don't know what the total is; I don't 
сусп want to know. It's frightening, but 
ГИ tell you that on а story I just did, 
опе of the sections took me 17 days of re- 
search and $1400 worth of cocaine. And 
that’s just what J spent. On one section 
of one story. 
PLAYBOY: What do you think the drugs 
are doing to your body? 

THOMPSON: Well, I just had a physical, 
the first one in my life. People got wor- 
ried about my health, so I went to a very 
serious doctor and told him I wanted 
g test known to man: EEG, 
And he asked me 
questions for three hours to start with, 
and I thought, "What the hell, tell the 
truth, that’s why you're here." So I told 
him exaeily wl 
past ten years. He couldn't believe it. 
said, "Jesus, Hunter, you're a godd 
mess"—thars ап exact. quote. Then he 
ran all the tests and found I was in 
perfect health. He called it а "genetic 
miracl 
PLAYBOY: What about your mind? 
THOMPSON: | think it’s pretty healthy. 1 
think Pm looser than I was before I 
started to take drugs. I'm more comforta- 
ble with myself. Docs it look like it's 
fucked me up? Im situ 
beautiful beach in Me 


tten 


in Colorado. On that evidence, T'd 


have to advise the use of drugs. . . . But 
of course I wouldn't, never in hell—or at 
least not all drugs for all people. There 


are some people who should never be al- 
lowed to take acid, for instance. You сап 
spot them after about ten minutes: 
people with all kinds of bad psychic 
baggage. stuff they haven't cleaned out 
yet, weird hostilities, repressed shit—the 
same kind of people who turn into mean 
drunks. 

PLAYBOY: Do you bel 
about drugs? 
THOMPSON: No, I nev 
main 
Ive n 
you know, 
oppressive, 
like to just 
the street and see what happ 
my chances, just stomp оп my own ac- 
celerator. Its like getting on а racing 
hike and all of a sudden you've doing 
120 miles per hour into a curve that has 
d all over it and you think, "Holy 
Jesus, here we go," and you lay it over 
UI the pegs hit the street and metal 
starts ıo spark. If you're good enough, 
you can pull it out, but sometimes you 
ehd up in the emergency room with 


eve religious th 


gs 


have. That's my 


rgument with the drug culture. 
believed i 


that guru trip: 
ana, that kind of 
hipper-than-thou bullshit. 1 
gobble the stuff right out in 
ns, take 


v 


some bastard in 
scalp back on. 
PLAYBOY: 15 that what you call “ 
work"? 

THOMPSON: Well, that's one aspect of it, 
I guess—in that you have to be good 
when you take nasty risks, or yowll lose 
it, and then you're in serious trouble. 
PLAYBOY: Why are you smiling? 
THOMPSON: Am I smiling? Yeah, I guess I 
am... well, it's fun to lo: sometimes. 


white suit sewing your 


'dge 


PLAYBOY: What kind of flack do you get 
for being so honest about the drugs you 
use? 


about 
other 


'm not too careful 
But lm careful in 
ways. I never sell any drugs, for instanc 
1 never get involved in the trafic or the 
marketing end of the drug business. 1 
make a point of not even kuowing about 
y sensitive about maintaining 
i on. 
1 never deal. Simple use is one thing— 
like booze in the Twenties—but selling 
is something else: They come after you 
for that. 1 wouldn't sell drugs to my 
mother. for any no, the only 
person I'd sell drugs to would be Rich- 
ard Nixon. I'd sell him whatever the 
fucker wanted . . .. but he'd pay heavy for 
it and damn well remember the day he 
tried it. 
PLAYBOY: Аге you the only journalist in 
America who's ridden with both Richard 
Nixon and the Hell's Ange 
THOMPSON: | must be. Who else would 
claim a thing like that? Hell, who else 
would admit it? 
PLAYBOY: Which was more frightening 
THOMPSON: ‘The Angels. Nobody сап 
throw a gutlevel, king-hell scare into 
you like a Hell’s Angel with a pair of 
pliers hanging from his belt that he uses 
to pull out people's teeth in midnight 
diners. Some of them wear the teeth on 
their belts, too. 
PLAYBOY: Why did you decide w do a 
book on the Hell's Angels? 
THOMPSON: Га jus quit and 
been fired almost at the same time by 
The National Observer. They wouldn't 
let me cover the Free Speech thing at 
Berkeley and L sensed it was one of the 
biggest stories ГА ever stumbled onto. So 
1 decided, “Fuck journa and I 
went back to writing novels. I tried driv- 
ing a cab in raucisco, I tried every 
kind of thing. 1 used to go down at live 
o'clock е ing and line up with 
store circulars 
ke that. I was the youngest and 
1 person down there, but nobody 
uld ever select me. I tried to get weird 
and rouen-looking; you know—an old 
Army field jacket, scraggly beard, tried 
to look like a 
I never got picked out of the line-up. 
PLAYBOY: You couldn't even get wino's 
work? 


IAE 


Mone 


work handing out grocery 
and shit 


id wino, But even then, 


THOMPSON: No, und at that point [ was 
stone-broke, writing fiction, living in a 
ally fine little apartment in San. Е 
1 Gate 


ark, just above H 
was ошу $100 а month—this was 1965, 
about a year before the Haight-Ashbury 
madness started—and 1 got a letter from 
Carey McWi . the editor of The 
Nation, and it said, “Can you do an anti 
de on the Hell's Angels for us lor 
51002” That was the rent, 
bout ready to get back into journalism. 
so I said. "ОГ course. FI do anything lor 
S100 
PLAYBOY: How long did the article takez 
THOMPSON: I worked about a month on 
. put about $3000 worth of effort into 
it, got no expenses—and about six weeks 
alter the fucker came out, my mailbox 
piled up with book offers. My phone 
had been cut off by then. I couldn't be- 
lieve it: editors, publishers, people га 
never heard of. One of them offered me 
$1500 just to sign a thing saying that if 1 
decided to write the book, I'd do it for 
them. Shit, at that point I would have 
uen the definitive u on hammer 
ad sharks for the moncy—and spent а 
year in the water w 
PLAYBOY: How did you first meet the 
Angels? 
THOMPSON: I just went out there and 
said, "Look, you gnys don't know me, 1 
don't know you, I heard some bad things 
about you, ате they wue?” 1 was wear 
a fucking madras coat and wing tip: 
t kind of thing, but I think they 
а little strange—if only be- 
e 1 was the first writer who'd ev 
come out to sce them and talk to them 
on their own turf. Until then, all the 
Hell's Angels stories had come from the 
cops. They seemed a litle stunned at 
the idea that some straight-looking wi 
for a New York literary magazinc would 
tually track them down to some ob- 
transmission shop in the indus 
trial slums of south San. Francisco. They 
were a bit off balan st, but after 
about 50 or 60 beers, we found 
common ground, as it were. . . ies 
always recognize cach other. I think Mel- 
ville said it, in a slightly different con- 
nius all over the world stands 
d in hand, and one shock of recogni- 
tion runs the whole circle round." Of 
is 


nd I was 


course, we're not talking about gen 
here, we're talking about crazies—but 
it's essentially the same thing. The 
Anew me, they saw right through all my 
clothes and there was that ins 
flash. ‘They seemed to sense wl 
had on their hands. 
PLAYBOY: Had you been 
before that? 

THOMPSON: A little bit, not much. But 
when I got the advance on the hook, I 
went out and bought the fastest bike 


10 motorcycles 


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ever tested by Hot Rod magazine: a BSA 
650 Lightning. I thought, “If I'm gonna 
ride with these fuc » І want the fast- 
est bike known to man.” 

PLAYBOY: They all rode Harley-Davidsons, 
right? 

THOMPSON: Yeah, and they didn't like it 
that 1 was riding a BSA, They kept offe 
ing to get me hot bikes. You know— 
brand-new Harley Sportster for $400, 
stuff like that. No papers, of course, no 
engine numbers—so I said no. ] had 
enough trouble as it was. 1 was always 
getting pulled over. Jesus, they canceled 
my car insurance because of that god- 
damn bike. They almost took my driver's 
license away. 1 never had any trouble 
with my car. I drove it full bore all over 
San Francisco all the time, just wide 
open. It was a good car, too, a litle 
English Ford. When it finally developed 
a crack in one of the four cylinders, I 
took it down to a cliff in Big Sur and 
soaked the whole interior with ten 


er with six shots from a 44 m: 
the engine block at point-bky 
After that, we rolled it off the се 
radio going, lights on, everything going 
and the last minute, we threw a 
burning towel in. The explosion was un- 
godly; it almost blew us into the ocean. 
Thad no idea what ten gallon in 
an English Ford could do. The car was 
а mass of twisted, flaming metal. It 
bounced about six times on the way 
down—pure movie-stunt shit, you know. 
A sight like that was worth the car; it 
was beautiful. 

PLAYBOY: It seems pretty clear you had 
something in common with the Angels 
How long did you ride with them? 
THOMPSON: About à year 

PLAYBOY: Did they ever ask you to join? 
THOMPSON: Some of them did, but there 
was a very fine line I had to ma 
there. Like when I went on runs with 
them, 1 didn't go dressed as ап Angel 
Pd wear Levis and boots but always a lit- 
tle different from theirs; а tan leather 
jacket instead of black one, liule 
t like that. 1 told them right away I 
was a writer, 1 was doing a book and 
that was it. M Га joined, 1 wouldn't 
have beei ble to write about them 
honestly, because they have this "broth- 
en" thing. ... 

PLAYBOY: Were there moments in that 
year when you wondered how you ever 
came to be riding with the meanest mo- 
torcycle outlaws in the world? 

THOMPSON: Well, I figured it was a hard 
dollar—maybe the hardest—but actual- 
ly, when I got into it, I started to like it. 
My wile, Sandy, was horrified at first. 
There were five or six from the Oakland 
and Frisco chapters that I got to know 
pretty well, and it got to the point that 
they'd just come over to my apartment 
my time of the day or night—bring 


ШЕ 


n 


their friends, thre 
a bunch of downers, some bennic: 
1 got to ; it was my life, 
just working. 

PLAYBOY: Was that a problem when you 
actually started to write? 


cases of stolen beer, 
But 
wasn't 


THOMPSON: Not really. When you write 


for a living and you can't do anything 
else, you know that sooner or later that 
the deadl g to come scream 
g down on you like a goddamn ban- 
shee. There's no avoiding it—not even 
when you have a fine full-bore story like 
the Angels that’s still running . . . so 
one day you just don't appear at the El 
Adobe bar anymore: you shut the door. 
paint the windows black, rent an electric 
typewriter and become the monster you 
always were—the writer. Id warned 
them about that. Fd said, “It’s going to 
come, I'm not here for the fun of it, it's 
gonna happen." And when the time 
came, І just did it. Every now and then, 
somebody like Frenchy or Terry would 
t night with some girls or some 
of the others, but even when I'd let them 
read a lew pages of what Td written, 
they didn't really believe I was act 
writing a book. 

PLAYBOY: How long did it take? 
THOMPSON: About six months. Actually it 
took six months to write the first half ol 
the book and then four days to write the 
second half. I got terrified about the 
deadline: І actually thought they were 
going to cancel the contract if I didn't 
finish the book exactly on time. 1 was in 
despair over the thing, so 1 wok the elec 
піс typewriter and about four quarts of 
Wild Turkey and just drove. north on 
101 until 1 found a motel that looked 
peaceful, checked in and stayed there for 
four days. Didn't sleep, ate а lot of 
speed, went out every morning and got 
à hamburger McDonald's and just 
wrote straight through for four days— 
and that turned ош to be the best рап 
of the book. 

PLAYBOY: In one of the 
described the scene where the Angels 
finally stomped you. but you described it 
rather quickly. How did it happen? 
THOMPSON: Pretty quickly. .. . I'd been 
away from their action for about six 
months, I'd finished most of the writing 
and the publisher sent me a copy of the 
proposed book cover and I said, “This 
sucks. It’s the worst fucking cover I've 
seen on amy book"—so I told them 
Vd shoot another cover if they'd just pay 
the expenses. So 1 called Sonny Barger 
who was the head Angel, and said. "I 
want to go on the Labor Day run with 
you guys: Гуе finished the book, but now 
1 want to shoot a book cover." I got some 
bad vibes over the phone from him. I 
knew something was not right, bur by this 
time I was getting careless, 

PLAYBOY: Was the Labor Day run a big 
onc? 

THOMPSON: Shit. yes. This was one of 


goi 


drop by а 


st chapters, you 


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And long, long after. [ 

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NY NY 10019 


a 


PLAYBOY 


these horrible things that scare the piss 
ош of everybody—200 bikes. A таз 
run is one of the most ter- 
ws you'll ever hope to see. 
When those bastards come by you on the 
road, that’s heavy. And being a part of 
it, you get this tremendous feeling of 
humor and madness. You see the terror 
and shock and fear all around you а 
you're laughing all the time. It’s like 
being in some kind of horror movie 
where you know that sooner or later 
the actors are going to leap out of the 
screen and burn the theater down. 
PLAYBOY: Did the Angels have a sense of 
humor about it? 

THOMPSON: Some of them did. They were 
running a trip on everybody. I mean, 
you don’t cany pliers and. pull. people's 
teeth out and then wear them on your 
belt without knowing you're running a 
trip on somebody. But on that Labor 
Day, we went up to some beach near 
Mendocino and 1 ted all my rules: 
First, never get stoned with them. Second, 
never get really drunk with them. Third, 
never argue with them when you're 
stoned and drunk. And fourth, when 
they start beating on each other. leave. 
I'd followed those rules for a year. But 
they started to pound on each other 
and I was just standing there talki 
somebody and I said my bike w 
than his, which it 
mistake—and all of a sudden, І got it 
right in the face, a terrific whack; 1 didn't 
even see whei ne from, had no idea. 
When I grabbed the guy, he was small 
enough so that I could turn him around. 
pin his arms and just hold him. And [ 
turned to the guy I'd been talking to and 
said something like, “Jesus Christ, look 
at this nut, he just hit me in the fucking 
face, get him away from here,” and the 
guy 1 was holding began to scream 
this high wild voice 

helpless, and 
calm down, the other guy cracked me 
the side of the head—and then I knew I 
was in trouble. That's the Angels’ motto: 
One on all, all on one. 

PLAYBOY: Were there police around or 
other help? 

THOMPSON: No, 1 was the only nonbiker 
there. The cops had said, “All right, at 
midnight we seal this place olf and 
body who's not a part of this erowd get 
the hell out or God's mercy on him." So 
here I was, suddenly roli 
the rocks of that Mor 
swarm of stoned, crazy«drunk 
id this guy who'd hit me in a death 
р by now, and there were people 
g me in the chest and one of the bas 
tards was trying to bash my head in with 
а tremendous rock . . . but I had th 
screaming Angel's head right next to 
ne, and so he had to be a little care. 


faster 
was—inother bad 


s 


ful. 1 don't know how long it went on, 
but just about the time I knew I wa 
going to dic, Tiny suddenly showed up 
and said, “That's it, stop it," and they 
stopped as fast as they started, for no 
reason. 

PLAYBOY: Who was Tiny? 

THOMPSON: He was the sergeant at arms 
and he was also one of the guys who Т 
knew pretty well. 1 didn't know the bas 
tards I was fighting with. All the Angels 
I might have counted on for help—the 
ones I'd come to think of as friends by 
that time—had long since retired to the 
bushes with their old ladies. 

PLAYBOY: How badly were you hurt? 
THOMPSON: They did a pretty good job 
on my face. I went to the police station 
and they said, "Get the fuck out of here— 
you're bleeding in the bathroom." I wa 
wasted, pouring blood, and I had to 
drive 60 miles like that to Santa Rosa, 
new a doctor. I called him, but 
Arizona amd his partner an- 
swered the phone and said something 
like, "Spit on it and run a lap; you 
know, that old football-coach thing. ТЇЇ 
never forgive him for that. So then 1 
went to the emergency room at the Santa 
Rosa hospital and it was one of the 
worst fucking scenes I'd ever эссп in my 
life. A bike gang called the Gypsy Jokers 
had been going north on Labor Day and 
had intersected with this horrible train 
of Angels somewhere around Santa Rosa 


and these fuckers were all over the 
emergency room. People g and 
moaning. picking up pieces of jawbones, 


trying to fit them back in, blood every- 
where, girls yelling, “He's dying, please 
help us! Doctor, doctor! | can't stop 
the bleeding!" It was like a bomb had 
just hit. 

PLAYBOY: Did you get treatment? 


THOMPSON: No, I felt guilty even being 
there. I had only been stomped. These 


other bastards had been cranked out 
with pipes, run over, pinned against 
walls with bikes—mangled, just mi 
gled. So I left, tried to drive in that 
condition, but finally I just pulled over 
to the side of the road and thought, “I'd 
better set this fucking nose, because to- 
morrow it’s going to be hard.” It felt like 
а beanbag. I could hear the bone chips 
grindi So I sat there and drank a beer 
and did my own surgery, using the dome 
ht and the rearview mirror, trying to 
remember what my nose had looked like 
1 couldn't breathe for about а year, and 
people thought I was a coke freak before 
I actually was, but I think 1 did a pretty 
good job. 

PLAYBOY: Who 
kind of people? 
THOMPSON: They're rejects, losers—but 
losers who turned mean and vengeful in- 
stead of just giving up, and there are 
more Hell's Angels than anybody can 


the Hell's Angels, what 


count. But most of them don't wear an; 
colors. They're people who got moved 
out—you know, musical chairs—and 
they lost. Some pcople just lie down 
when they lose; these fuckers come back 
and tear up the whole game. I was a 
Hell's Angel in my head [or a long time. 
1 was а failed writer for ten years and 1 
was always in fights. I'd do things like go 
into a bar м е, 
turn the whole place white and then just 
take on anyone who came at me. 1 
YS got stomped, never won a fight 
But I'm not into that anymore. 1 lost a 
lot of my physical aggressiveness when 1 
started to sell what I wrote. I didn't need 
thar пір anymore. 
PLAYBOY: Some people would say you 
didn't lose all your aggressiveness, that 
you come on like journalism's own Hell's 


ih а 50-pound sack of 


Angel. 
THOMPSON: Well, I don't see myself as 
particularly aggressive or dangerous. | 


tend to act weird now and then, which 
makes people nervous if they don't know 
me—but I think that's sort of a stylistic 
hangover from the old days . . . and I 
suppose Т get a private s 
of making people's eyes bulge once in a 
while. You might call that а Hell's Ап 
gels trait —but otherwise, the comparison 
is ugly and ominous. I reject ital 
though 1 definitely {eel myself somewhat 
apart, Not an outlaw, but more like a 
natural freak . . . which doesn’t bother 
me at all. When I тап for sheriff of 
Aspen on the Freak Power ticket, ( 
was the point. In the rotten fascist con 
text of what was happening to. America 
in 1969, being a fr an honorable 
way to go. 

PLAYBOY: Why did you run for sheriff? 
THOMPSON: I'd just come back from the 
Democratic Convention in Chicago and 
been beaten by vicious cops for no rca 
son at all. Fd had a billy dub rammed 
into my stomach and I'd меп innocent 
people beaten senseless and it really 
jerked me around. There was a mayoral 
race a few months late 
there was a 


ile or two out 


Aspen and 
town who'd done 
some good things in local civil rights 
cases. His name is Joc Edwards and 1 
called him up one midnight and said 
ou don't know me and I don't know 
you, but you've got to run for mayor. The 
whole goddamn system is getting out of 
control. If it keeps going this way, they'll 


have us all i We have to get into 
politics—if only in self-defense.” Now 
this guy was a bike rider, a head and a 


freak in the same sense 1 am. He said. 
“We'll meet tomorrow and talk abou: 
it.” The next day, we went to sce The 
Battle of Algiers and when we came oi 
he said, “ГИ do it; we're going to bust 
these bastards.” 

PLAYBOY: How close did you come? 
THOMPSON: Ech 


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PLAYBOY 


85 


remember, we're talking about an apelit- 
ical town and the hardest thing was to 
get our people to register. So one of 
the gigs I used to get people 
“Look. if you register and 
vote for Edw Ш run for sheriff 
NL yea Well, he didn't 
but when the next county elections 
came up, I found myself running for 
sheriff anyway. I didn’t take it seriously 
at first, but when it began to look like I 
night win, everybody took it seriously. 
PLAYBOY. As а matter of fact, you an- 
описей you were going to eat drugs in 
the sheriff's office if vou won, didn't you? 
THOMPSON: Yeah and th; 
of people. But the ignorant 
hate vote that ards campaign 
brought out the year before. You know, 
ed, the other 
ig Out people 
1, haven't 


Mo dt 


seared а lot 


Га seen 


vored 
“Well, nt somebody to hate, 
I'll give them one they can really hate.” 
And ın n the same tick 
figured we could run a serious candid 
for a county commissione 
office we really wanted. Hell, I didnt 
t to be shu nted to scare the 


е a conservative by 
итам. s what we did, but then 
horrible press coverage from all over 
the goddamn world poured in and we 
finally couldn't separate the wo races. 

PLAYBOY: There was a whole Freak Power 


h, a friend of mine, who 


t the for coro- 


lived next door 
ner, because we found out the coroner 


was the only ofhcial who could fire the 
sheriff. And we decided we needed a 
county derk, хо we had somebody rur 
ning for that. But finally, my lightning 
rod, hate-candidate strategy klashed. 
on them, too. It got a little heavy. I 
announced that the new sherifl’s posse 
would start tearing up the streets the day 
alter the clection—every street in Asp 
rip ‘em up with jackhammers and r 
place the asphalt with sod. I said we 
were use the sheriff's office 
mainly 10 harass те 
PLAYBOY; Sounds like that could heat up 
a political contest. 

THOMPSON: Indeed. The grecdheads were 
tervified. We l a series of public de- 
bates that got pretty brutal. The first 
one was in à movie theater, because that 
was the only place in town that could 
hold the crowd. Even then, I arrived a 
half hour early and E couldn't get in. 
The aisles were jammed, I had to walk 
over people to get to the stage. І was 
shorts, with my head shaved 


going to 


estate developers. 


wearing 


completely bald. The yahoos couldn’ 
dle it. They were convinced the Anti 
ly ht th 
in Aspen. There's something ominous 
about a totally shaved head. We took 

ions from the crowd and sort of 
tlorms. I was not entirely 
comfortable, sitting up there with the 
incumbent sheri ng, "When 1 
drive this corrupt thug out of office, Pm 
going to go in there and maybe 
of mescaline on slow nights... .” 
ured from then on I had to win, be 
if I lost, it was going to be the hammer 
for me. You just don't admit that. kind 
of thing oncamera, in front of a huge 
crowd. There was a reporter from The 
New York Times in the front row, NBC, 
an eightman team from the BBC film- 
ing the whole thing, the Los Angeles 
Times, The Washington Post —iucredible. 
PLAYBOY: You changed the pitch toward 
the end, toned it down, didn't you? 
THOMPSON: Y. creature of 
my own campaign. I was really surprised 
at the energy we could whip up for that 
kind of thing, latent political energy just 
ng around. 


a bit 


h, 1 became 


sit 


PLAYBOY: What did your platlorm finally 
evolve into? 


ing to function 
ate a new ollicc— 
unsalaried—then tum my sheriff's salary 
over to а good exper 
let him do the job. 1 figured once. yc 
got control of the sheriff's offic 
could let somebody else carry the badge 
nd gun—under your control, of course. 
Tt almost worked. 
PLAYBOY: What was the final votez 
THOMPSON: Well, there were six precincts 
that mattered and 1 won the thre 1 
town, broke even in number four and 
then got stomped brutally in the 
precincts where most of the realestate 
developers and subdividers live. 
PLAYBOY: Are you sorry you lost? 
THOMPSON: Well. I felt sorry for the 
people who warked so hard on the cam- 
paign. But 1 don't mis the job. For a 
I thought I was going to wil 
it scared пи 
PLAYBOY: "There's been talk of vour runm 
Is 


you 


g for the Senate. from С 
t a joke? 
THOMPSON: No. 
while, but this 
appetite for politics. 1 might reconsider 
after I get away from it for а кай 
Somebody has to change politics in this 
counuy. 

PLAYBOY: Would you run for the Senate 
the ү you ran for sherif 
THOMPSON: Well, I might ha 
the mescaline issue, I don't ili 
be any need for that—promising to ci 
mescaline on the Senate floor. І found 
out law time you can. push. people too 
far. Phe backlash is brutal. 


has killed my 


e w: 


e to drop 
k there'd 


PLAYBOY: What 


the unthinkable hap 
pened Thompson went to 
Washi: ator from Colorado? 
Do you think you could do any good? 
THOMPSON: Not much, but you always do 
some good by setting an example—you 
know, just by prov 
PLAYBOY: Don't you think there would be 
а strong reaction in Washington to some 
of the things you've w about the 
politicians ther 
THOMPSON: ОГ course. They'd come aft 
ve no choice 
1 files—all that 
Hoover gave me just before 
he died. We were good friends. I used to 
go to the track with him a lot, 

PLAYBOY: You're kiughing п, but that 
raises а leg c question: Are you 
trying to say vou know things about 
Washington people that you haven't 


THOMPSON: Yeah, to some extent. When 
J went to Washington to write Fear and 
Loathing: On the Campaign Trail 772, 
I went with the same attitude I take 
anywhere as a journalist: hammer and 
tongs—and God's mercy on anybody who 
gets in the way. Nothing is off the record. 
that kind of thing. But I finally realized 
some things have to be off the rec 
ord. I don't know where the line is, even 
" But if you're an indiscrect blabber- 
mouth and a fool, nobody is goin 
10 you—not even your friends. 
PLAYBOY: Wi 
rode into Washington in 19712 
THOMPSON: Well. nobody had eve 
ol Rolling Stone, for one thing. "Rolling 
1 heard them once 
37” И was 
ure at first, nobody would return. 
lls. Washington is a horrible town, 
п Rome, Georgia, and Te 
ledo. Ohio—that kind of mentality. It's 
basically a town full of vicious, powerful 
rubes. 
PLAYBOY: Did they start returning your 
calls when you began writing things like 
“Hubert Humphrey should be castrated” 
so his genes won't be passed oi 
THOMPSON: Well, that was a bit heavy, E 
think—for reasons I don't want to get 
m Anyway, it didn't take me 
n that the only time to call 
i Inte at night. Very 
‚ the truth. is never 
told in daylight hou cross a desk. I 
you catch people when they're very tired 
or drunk or weak, you can usually get 
some answers. So Td sleep days. wait till 
these people got their lies and weachery 
out of the way, let them relax, then 
come on full speed on the phone at two 
or three in the mom You h: 
wear the bastards down before they'll 
tell you anything. 
PLAYBOY: Your journalistic style has been 
attacked by some critie—most notably. 


now. 


s or 


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PLAYBOY 


88 


the Columbia Journalism Review—as 
pardy commentary, partly fantasy and 
partly the ravings of someone too long 
into drugs, 

THOMPSON: Well. fuck the Columbia 
Journalism. Review. They don't pay my 
rent. That kind of senile gibberish r 
nds me of all those people back in the 
y Sixties who were saying, “This guy 
lley а bad 
name—hell, he's по musician. He can't 
even carry а tune.” Actually, it's kind of 
compliment when people 1 de- 
vote so much energy to attacking you. 
PLAYBOY: Well, you certainly say some out- 
ragcous things in your book on the 1972 
Presidential campaign; for instance, that 
Edmund Muskie was taking Ibogaine, an 
exotic form of South American speed or 
psychedelic, or both. That wasn't true, 
was i? 

THOMPSON: Not that I know of, but 
you read what I wrote carefully, I didn't 
say he was taking it. I s 
rumor around his headqu: 
ukce that a famous Brazilian. doctor 
had flown in with an emergency packet 
of Ibogaine for him. Who would believe 
that shit? 

PLAYBOY: A lot of people did believe it. 
THOMPSON: Obviously, but 1 didn't real- 
ize that until about halfway through the 
campaign—and it horrified me, Even 
some of the reporters who'd been cov- 
ering Muskie for three or four months 
took it seriously. That's because they 
don't know anything about drugs. Jesus, 
nobody running lor President would 
dare touch a thing like Ibogaine. Maybe 
7 would, but no normal politician. It 
would turn his brains to jelly. Hed have 
to be locked up. 

PLAYBOY: You also said that John Chan- 
ccllor took heavy hits of black acid. 
Hell, that was such an ob- 
handed joke that 1 still can't 
understand how anybody in his right 
mind could have taken it seriously. ГА 
lated a Nixon youth rally at the 
Republican Convention and | thought 
I'd have а little fun with them by telling 
all the grisly details of the time that John 
Chancellor tried to КШ me by putting 
acid in my drink, I also wrote that if I'd 
1 more time, I would have told these 
poor yo-yos the story about Walter Cron- 
ite and his white-slavery racket with Viet 
amese orphan girls—importing them 
through a ranch in Quebec and then sell- 
them into brothels up and down the 
East Coast . . . which is true, of cour: 


this month, with plenty of photos to prove 
- What? You don't believe that? 
All those other waterheads did. 
bout polities would par- 
alyze my brain if I couldn't have a slash 
of weird humor now and then. And. 
actually, I'm pretty careful about th 


If I weren't, I would hı 
been sued long ago. H's one of the hazards 
of Gonzo Journalism. 

PLAYBOY: What is Gonzo Journalism? 
THOMPSON: It’s something that grew out 
of a story on the Kentucky Derby lor 
Scanlan's magazine. It. was one of those 
rrible deadline scrambles and I ran 
out of time. I desperate. Ralph 
Steadman hid done the illustrations, the 
cover wa nted and there was this hor- 
rible hole in the maga: 1 was con- 
Minced I was finished, Pd blown my 
mind, couldn't work, So finally I just 
arted jerking pages out of my notebook 
mbering them and sendi 
to the printer. 1 was sure it was the last 
tide I was ever going to do for any- 
body. Then when it came out, there 
were massive numbers of letters, phone 
calls, congratulations, people calling it a 
“great breakthrough in journalism.” And 
1 thought, “Holy shit, if I can write like 
this and get away with it, why should I 
keep trying to write like The New York 
Times?” Yt was like falling down an ele- 
vator shaft and landing in а pool full of 
mermaids, 

Is there a difference 
nd the new journalism? 
THOMPSON: Yeah, I think so. 
Tom Wolfe or Gay Talese. for i 
I almost never try to reconstruct a story. 
They're both much better reporters than 
I am, but then I don't really think of 
myself as a reporter. Gonzo is just a 
word I picked up because I liked the 
sound of it—which is not to say there 
isn't a basic difference between the kind 
of writing I do and the Wolfe/Talese 
le. They tend to go back and re-cre 
stories that have already happened. 
while J like to get right in the middle of 
г I'm writing about—as person: 
ally involved possible. There's а lot 
more to it than that, but if we have to 
make a distinction, I suppose that’s а 
preuy safe way to start. 


between 


е 


PLAYBOY: Are the fantasies and wild 
gents a necessary part of your writ 
THOMPSON: Absolutely. Just det your 


mind wander. let it go where it wants to. 
Like with that Muskie thing: I'd just 
been reading a drug report from some 
lab in California on the symptoms of 
Ibogaine poisoning and 1 thought, "I've 
seen that style before, and not in West 


Alria or the Amazon: I've seen those 
symptoms very recently" And then 1 
thought, “Of course: rages, мирот, 


being able to sit for days without. mov- 
ing—thar's Ed Musk 
PLAYBOY: Doesn't that stuff get in thc 
way of your serious political reporting? 

THOMPSON: Probably—but it also keeps 
me sane. I guess the main problem 
that people will believe almost any twist- 
ed kind of story about polit 


or 


Washington. But I can't help that, 
of the truth that doesn't get write: 
lot more twisted than any of m 
fantasies. 

PLAYBOY: You were the first journalist on 


going to win the noi 
tipped you olf? 
THOMPSON: It was the energy; | could 
feel it. Muskic, Humphrey, Jackson. 
Lindsay—all the others were dying on 
the vine, falling apart. But if you were 
close enough to the machinery in McGov 
ern’s campaign, you could almost sec 
the energy level rising from one week to 
the like watching pro-foot 
ball teams toward the end of a season 
Some of them are coming apart and oth 
ers are picking up steam: their timing is 
getting sharper, their third-down plays 
are working. They're just starting to peak 
PLAYBOY: The football analogy was pret 
ту popular in Washington, wasn't i? 
THOMPSON: Yes, because Nixon was into 
football very serio 


He used the N 
guage constantly; he talked about pol 
tics and diplomacy in terms of power 
Ms, end sweeps. mousetrap blocks 
Thinking in football terms may be the 
best way to understand what finally hap- 
pened with the whole Watergate thing: 
Coach Nixon's team is fourth and 32 on 
their own ten, and he finds out that his 
punter is a junkie. A sick junkie. He 
looks down the bench: “OK, big fella— 
we need you now!” And this guy is stark 
white and vomiting, can't even stand up, 
much less kick. When the game ends in 
disaster for the home team, then the fans 
rush onto the field and beat the players 
to death with rocks, beer bottles, pieces 
of wooden seats. The coach makes a des 
perate dash for the safety of the locker 
тоот, but three hit men hired by heavy 
gamblers nail him before he gets there 
PLAYBOY: You talked football with Nixon 


once, didn't you, in the back scat of 
> 


limousi 
THOMPSON: Yeah, that was in 
New Hampshire: he was just s 
comeback then and I didn't take him 
seriously, He seemed like a Republican 
echo of Hubert Humphrey: just another 
sad old geck limping back into politics 
for another beating. It never occurred to 
me that he would ever be President. 
Johnson hadn't quit at d m, bur I 

ol sensed he was going to 
figured Bobby Kennedy would run—so 
that even if Nixon got the Republican 
nomination, he'd just take another 
stomping by another Kennedy. So I 
thought it would be nice to go to New 
spend a couple of weeks fol- 
E Nixon around and then write his 
ical obituary 


sor 


u couldn't have been too 
popular with the Nixon party. 
THOMPSON: | didnt care what they 


' New erem 
Great new taste x 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


PLAYBOY 


90 


in the morning. I had wastebaskets full 
in my room in the Manches 
Inn. Oddly enough, I got 
ong pretty well with some of the 
Nixon people—Ray Price, Pat Buch: 
nan, Nick Ruwe—but I felt a lot more 
comfortable at Gene McCarthy's head- 
quarters in the Wayfarer, on the other 
side of town. So I spent most of my spare 
time over there. 
PLAYBOY: Then why did Nixon let you 
ride alone with him? 
THOMPSON: Well. it was the night before 
the vote and Romney had dropped out. 
Rockefeller wasn't coi so all of 
sudden the pressure was off xon 
going to win casily. We were at this 
American Legion hall somewhere pretty 
close to Boston. Nixon had just fi 
speech there and we were about an 
hour and a half from Manchester, where 
he had his Learjet waiting, 
denly came up to me 
been w 
come on.” And I s 
By this time I'd give 
leaving lor Key Bis 
I was wildeyed drunk. On the way 
the car, Price said, “The boss wants 
relax and tlk football; you're the oi 
person here who claims to be an exp 
on that subject. so you're it. But if you 
mention anything else—out You'll be 
hitchhiking back to Manchester. No talk 
about Vietnam. campus riots—nothi 
political; the boss wants to talk footha 
period." 
PLAYBOY: Were there awkward moments? 
THOMPSON: No, he seemed very relaxed. 
I've never seen him like that before or 
since. We had a good, loose talk. That 
was the only time in 20 years of listening 
iard that 1 knew 


of cold bee 


| “You've 


anting ro talk to the bos? ОК, 


“Wh 


yne that ni 


l, 


to the treacherous 1 
he wasn't lying. 


PLAYBOY: Did you feel any sympathy as 
ly 


you watched Nixon go down, fi 
THOMPSON: Sympathy? No. You have to 
her that for my entire adult life, 
d Nixon been the national 
hoogeyman, 1 mber a time 
when he wasn't around—always evil, al- 
ways ugly. 15 or 30 years of fuc 
people around. The whole Watergate 


chanere was a monument to everything 
Th cheap thug. а 
congenital What the Angels used 
to call a gunsel, а punk who can't even 
pull off a liquorto bbery without 
shooting somebody or getting shot, or 
busted. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think a 
an could have found 
up after the original bi in? Could 
Lyndon Johnson have handled it, say? 
THOMPSON: Lyndon Johnson would h 


he stood fe 


marter politi 
to cove it 


c 


m 


burned the tapes. He would have burned 
everything, There would have been this 
huge wreck out on his ranch somewher 
i. oddly . all his tape rech- 
the only two Secret Servicemen 
who knew about it, his executive Munky 
and the Presidential tapemeisters. He 
would have had a van go over a cliff at 
high speed, burst into [lames and they'd 
find all these bodies, this weird collection 
of people who'd never had any real rea- 
son to be together, lying in a heap of 
ached celluloid at the bottom of the 
cliff. Then Johnson would have wept— 
all of his trusted. assistants—" Godda} 
it. how could they have been in the same 
van at the same time? 1 warned them 
about that. 
PLAYBOY: Do you chink it’s finally, once 
and for all, rue that we won't have Rich- 
ard Nixon to kick around anymore? 


THOMPSON: Well, it looks like it. but he 
aid an incredible thing when he arrived. 


in Сао! after that last ride on Ai 
Force One. He got oll the plane and 
aid to his crowd that was obviously 
punded up for the Gumeras—you know: 
winos, children, Marine sergeants , . . 
they must have had a hell ol а time lash- 
ing that crowd together. No doubt Zieg- 
ler promised 10 pay well and then 
welshed, but they had a crowd of 2000 à 

3000 and Nixon said: 
propriate lor me 
having ec 
that we will just sit and ¢ 
ous California climate 
Jesus Christ! Here's a man who just got 
run ош of the White House, fleeing 
Washington in the wake of the most 
complete and hideous disgrace in the his- 
tory of American politics, who goes out 
to California and refers ıo "having com- 
ple task.” de makes me think 
there must have been 
tor in the story of his 
tion to greed and stupidity 
the past few months he was teete 
the brink of insanity. There were hints 
of this in some of the “inside reports 
about the Nixon didn't want 
to resign stand. why 
he had to; the family never understood. 
He probably still thinks he did пой 
wrong, that he w 
pushed in the 
less enemies. T 
as just another lost cam 


ay this marve 
nd do nothing” 


d опе 


ng on 


t 
п Sure 


he se 


then 
у need one more 
chisel 


lick the wounds and 
fighting again. He та 
whack. I think we 
tombstone now and 
an epitaph, in big lette 
LIES RICHARD NIXON: HE WAS A QUITTER. 
PLAYBOY: Do you think that his resigna- 
tion proves that the system works? 
THOMPSON: Well. that depends on. what 
works." We can take some 


come out 


his 


should 


comfort, 1 guess, in knowing the system 

nely conceived originally —almost. 
їз ago—that it can still work 
when it’s absolutely forced to. In Nix 
опу wasn't the system th 
tripped him up and finally destroyed 1 
Presidency: it was Nixon himself, along 
with a handful of people who actually 
took it upon themselves to act on their 
а hit outside the system, in fact: 
maybe even a bit above and beyond it 
There were а lot of “highly respected” 
lawyers, for insance—some of them al- 
legel experts in their fields—who ar 
gued almost all the way to the end 
that Judge Sinica exceeded his judicial 


case, it 


ow 


authority when he acied on his own in- 
айна amd put the most exi kind of 
presure on the original W: te bur 


into 


gias to keep the сае from 
the books аз the cheap-Jack “third 
glany” that Nixon. Haldeman 
Iman told Ziegler to call it when 


the news first broke. If Sirica had gone 
along with the system. like the original 
Justice Department prosecutors did, 


McCord would never have cracked and 
written that Heuer that opened the gates 
to the White House. Sirica was the fiy- 
wheel in that thing, from start to finish. 
when h u ihe сойи 
by forcing James Jaw- 
yer t0 those 
doomsday tapes tl пе every- 
thing po: ng. Rut 
when he heard the voices. that pulled 
the rip cord оп Nixon, once St. Clair 
went on record as having listened to the 
tapes—which proved. his client guilty 
beyond any doubt—he had only two 


of last resort. 


lc to keep from h 


choices: to abandon Nixon at the clev- 
enth hour or мау on and possibly get 
dragged down in the quicksand himself. 


Sivica wasn't the only key figure in 
on's demise who could have played it 
safe by leiting the system take its tradi- 
ti course. The Washington Post 
editors who kept Woodward and Bern- 
stein on the story could have stayed 
comfortably within the sysem without 
putting their backs to the wall in a show 
down with the whole White House 
power structure and а vengelul bastard 
ol a President like Nixe Leon J 
the special prosecutor. couldn't 
even find a precedent in the system for 
challenging the Presidents claim of 
“Executive privilege" in the U.S. Su- 
preme Court 
Hell, the list goes on and ов... but 
the end, the Nixon Watergate saga was 
written by mavericks who worked the 
loneliest outside edges of the system, not 
by the kind of people who played 
and followed the letter of the 
system worked in this ease, it was a 
п spite of itself. Jesus, what else could 
the Congress have done—faced with the 
(continued on page 245) 


x 


worsl 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


A man who frequently turns a long weekend into a swinging holiday in the sun. Always ready to 
savor new discoveries and share them with delightful friends, he’s young, mobile, affluent and 
venturesome: today's most frequent traveler. Fact: PLAYBOY reaches more than half of all 
young men who took three or more personal air trips in the past year. That's far more than any other 
magazine reaches. Want to point this man in your direction? Do it with PLAYBOY. (Source: 1973 TGI.) 


New York + Chicago + Detroit + Los Angeles + San Francisco - Atlanta + London + Tokyo 


fiction By PAUL REB 


THE 
LEGEND 
OF 

STEP- 
AND- 
A-HALF 


he was top dog of the tribe 
in those days, and 
they say his spirit still 
is scen on moonlit nights 


ERIIEADS, those peculiar colum- 
dosely spaced, grassy-topped 
swamp humps to be found here and 
there in the Northland, especially 
when you are not looking for them 
and are on foot and are in a hurry 
10 get somewhere. besides being 
the worthy subject of more than 
one impeccably written scientific 
paper, ате. beyond amy doubt, the 
meanest, rottenest, sneakiest, most 
miserable, deplorable, reprehen- 
sible things to be found in all Alas: 
ka. (The Canadians can do their 
own complaining.) I you ev 
out of fourtetter words, take a 
lesson hom the old Niggerhead 
Indians. sometimes disrespectfully 
called the Nastymouths: Go walk 
on niggerheads. You'll soon come 
up with some more—maybe ev 
а best seller D hate to 
think of it 


as to the best way of walking on 
them. If you step on top of the 
hump—your first inclination, it 
looking so stable—the hump, like 


PLAYBOY 


a soup-spined, jelly-bellied mushroom, 
usually just bends right over, dumping 
you, together with the load on your back, 
if you're carrying one, headlong, maybe 
g your neck. If you get fed up 
with broken necks and resolve simply to 
stay on the bottom, walking between the 
humps, you'll likely as not slip and bre: 
both legs, the bottom seldom consisting 
of anything but glare ice, turned greasy 
in summer by a little surface water, 
should die summer be a hot one. 
Niggerheads* sound like nothing to 
you? It might surprise you to know that 
no more was needed than these cursed 


unique little swamp humps, which, like 
cases of the plague, seldom come singly, 
to cause the long 
the 


е division of one ol 
most noble tribes in thc 
а melancholy story, but mak- 
ng it saddest of all is that "the great 
as the tribal split was called, ге 
sulted, and not too indirectly, either, in 
the disappearance of a man called Step- 
nd-achalf, said to be the only person in 
the history of the world ever to 1 
mastered niggerhead travel 
This fellow Step, who was, curiously 
n of 


oldest, 


schism,” 


nough, a ctipple, had the reputatie 


be 
heads— 
touch h 


live on під 
No one could 


g the fastest man 
ny distance. 
The untimely loss of this 
ted champion, this valiant litle 
s of the swamp, a man of so much 
ion to the world, for those with 
ye and a blue, surely must be 
counted as one of ast far-nonhern 
mankind's most Jame: 
Bringing on th n the ranks 
of the Niggerh the death of 
their beloved old chief, Omniwalker IV. 
From all accounts, Omniwalker, however 
inscrutable, was as good and kindly a 
man, as wise and tolerant a leader as you 
could fimd anywhere. While he lived, 
things went well enough for his people— 
well as they can ever go for a people 
living round niggerheads whose leade; 
for reasons known only to heaven and 
himself, refuses to lead them out of the 
swamps to, if not greener, at least flatter 
pastures. 

His apparent aversion to daydreaming 
notwithstanding, Chief. Omniwalker IV 
was not blind. He was as aware as any- 
body what an inelegant sight his people 
presented trooping across their blessed 
clumpy heritage, walking every which 
way, even as he walked, some оп top of 
the humps, some on the bottom. all sli 
ping, sliding, falling, cursing, getting up, 


praying, weeping, shaking their fists at 
the heavens, some gomg dumb with rage 


апа just sta 
teeth; but he, good m 


ding there grinding their 
n, believed in hi 


*The word niggerhead used here has 
no racial or derogatory meaning. It has 
been used for 115 years as defined in 
Bartlett's “Dictionary of Americanisms” 
“The tussocks or knotted masses of the 
roots of sedges and ferns projecting above 
the wet surface of a swamp.” 


heart, just as all his royal fathers had be- 
fore him, that every man had the i 
alienable right to get across his allotted 
vale of tears and curse as best he could, 
doing things in his own way, provided 
only that he didn’t do it upon the backs 
of his brothers—unless, of course, he was 
old and maybe had rheumatism. Except 
for murder and cursing in а foreign 
tongue, their definition of treason, about 
the worst offense known to the Nigger 
heads, at least as long as old Chiel Omni- 
walker was alive, was this riding. using 
the spur of "morality." How they pun- 
ished the offender won't be gone into 
here. It is enough to say that it was from 
the old Niggerheads that the phrase 
came down to us: “Now the spur's on the 
other foot." 

But once old Chief Omniwalker passed 
оп, things lost no time in deteriorating. 
Left to vie for the throne were Omni 
walker's two sons—twins! Since birth, 
these two fops—neither of whom could 
walk 1000 niggerheads without his tongue 
hanging out and his starting to yelp 
about all the rare special ailments that 
overbred aristocrats were supposed to be 
heir t0—had. done nothing but bicker, 
tattle and try to outdo cach other com 
stantly. Now one of them was going to 
have to be chiel, and each was deter- 
mined th hg to be the 

other. 
he one brother liked to walk, or 
strut, rather, on top of the niggerheads, 
way up high where every single inch of 
him could be эссп and admired. Often 
he would stop, rock himself back on one 
foot, smite his chest and palm his mouth 
in an Alley Oop yell. On the basis ol 
what tumed out to be insufficient cvi- 
dence, he was convinced that the great 
majority of Niggerhead people preferred 
walking his way, and it was for this reason 
that hardly before his old father was cold 
in the grave, he let it be known that 
he was now Prince Topwalker I. 
Niggerhead royalty could take new 
names like this, though few ever did. 
“Better a new IV than the same old 1 all 
over again," as old Omniwalkcr had said. 
a lot ol people cl. ve seen what 
he meant. “Prog iout ambition or 
hatred” was a favorite motto of theirs it 
hanging in needlepoint on many а wall. 
Prince "Topwalkers brother naturally 
had to prefer just the opposite—walking 
down low, between the humps, where. if 
not every single inch of him could be 
safe. at least that part of him he was able 
to conceal in this way would be. He, too, 
thought hi body was something 
pretty special, but he was going to save 
if he could. Believing, on the b, 
of the same = conceit-furnished 
evidence that had been so boldly acted 
on by his brother, that most of the 
Niggerheads preferred walking his w 


ster 


he—you guessed it—flew toward the 
title Prince Botiomwalker 1. 
Shortly after this shameless name 


scramble took place, the two brothers, 
having found no way of killing cach 
other and getting by with it, got together 
on something, probably for the first time 
in their lives. ‘They agreed to go belore 
the tribal elders and subject themselves 
to а vote, each secretly believing that ће, 
being walking arbiter already, would just 
automatically be declared chief and his 
superfluous brother be run off—or worse. 

So the tribal elders were called to- 
gether. Right away, Prince Topwalker 
got the jump on his brother. Leaping to 
is feet, he cried out in a loud ringing 
voice the line that was soon to become 
n the Niggerhead tribe, even 
litle children going round тере й 
as they romped on their carewoi 
thers’ abomination—the niggerheads: 
Give me, ere 1 receive two broken 
legs. a broken neck, oh, I pray!" 

This was a pretty hard a 
Bottomwalker to follow. 
he now girded up his tongu 
through. 

Not me, oh, not me, 
cried back. "FII take legs any 

"umultuous shouts of “Stay on the 
top, then," or "Stay on the bottom, for 
heaven's sake, who's stopping you? 
filled the council chamber 

Besides the chief, his sons and the 
tribal elders, the only other people 
ever allowed in the council chamber 
during а meeting were the messengers, 
and the messengers’ gallery was jam 
packed this night. Step-and-a-half, being 
messenger me plus skookum, was right 
there in his scat of honor. Step just 
laughed and laughed at all this top- 
bottom stult. The other messengers 
looked daggers at him. "Yeah, he can 
afford to laugh. he gets all the business, 
they grumbled among themselves. 

Next to being chiel or prince or eller, 
a messenger was about the best 


t for Prince 
Nevertheless, 
nd played 


he rose and 


bei 


deal in the whole Niggerhead tribe, As 
fay back as anyone could remember, it 
had been this way, and this was why mes- 


sengers were not only allowed at the 
council mectings but were looked upon 
there as being honored guests. Every- 
body blew (Лет kisses. A lot of the 
Niggerheads thought the tribe was over- 
doing this messenger bit; that they were 

atirely too permissive with the 
ads involved and such, but you never 
saw anybody actually wy to do anything 
about it. Just complain, that's all. Oh, 
it’s wue enough that some of the messen- 
gers were a little on the rowdy side, rac 
g round the village at night, making a 
lot of noise and turning things over, but 
Step never did anything like this, which 
only proved that a man didn't have to 
be that way just because he was а pam- 
pered messenger. Step himself, when he 
wasn't working, remained pretty much 
а loner, doing little but study up on 
his messengering, polish his numerous 
medals count his money, practice his 


“For me it would Бе a very educational film.” 


PLAYBOY 


96 


tipreceiving suavity—things like that. 
You could see right away how: serious 
he was. 

As for the reformminded, meaning 
those wet blankets who wanted to find a 
new place for the messengers and see 
them put in it, about all that can be 
said is this: The people they were oppos- 
ing, champions of the past to a man, and 
believers in its being left strictly alone, 
rarely had to wait for more than a cou- 
ple of weeks before being presented the 
golden opportunity of breaking out 
with a few of the old I-told-yov-sos. The 
Niggerheads living all over the swamps, 
not just in the village, the sending of 
messages was a big thing with them. For 
instance, when it looked like a man 
wasn’t going to be able to get out of vis- 
iting his relatives much longer, he would 
start dreading the trip days in advance. 
On the fateful morning, he would drink 
coffee for hours, thinking about all those 
hateful niggerheads to be crossed, his 
lace getting longer all the time. Finally, 
right at the last moment, he would 
usually say, "I think I'll just send а mes- 
sage." This would be acceptable enough; 
his relatives were probably pulling the 
same thing on him. So a messenger would 
be summoned—Step, if he could be got- 
ten—and the message dispatched. But if 
Step himself didn't bring the message, 
look out. This was always a bad sign. 
After the substitute messenger had come 
and gone, the relatives would just stand 
there with a hurt knowing look on their 
faces, saying, "He doesn't care for us any- 
more. You notice how he didn't send 
Step?" 

While Step continued to rock with 
laughter at all the heated top-bottom ad- 
monitions being thrown around, Prince 
Topwalker rose to express a grave con- 
cern he felt for the welfare of his 
people—"his" already. He had had а 
dream. But first he looked over at Step, 
genuine fondness showing in his face, 
and uttered the following endearment: 
“Little laughing Step" (See what J 
mean?) 

After smiling at Step and making 
from the distance like he was patting 
him on the head, Prince Topwalker 
turned back to addressing the elders. 

“Gentlemen, as we know, the world is 
rapidly filling up. Everybody says that. 
Soon there won't be enough niggerheads 
to go around. My greatest fear із that 
one day soon some niggerhead-bereft 
stranger is going to happen by, take one 
look at our people crossing our blessed 
dumpy curse like a bunch of amateur 
anarchists, every man doing his thing, 
and say to himself that a people so with- 
out unity, without discipline, form, 
image, dignity, integrity, style are just 
a—can I bring myself to say it?—yes, 
are just а... a pushover! 

"And having said that, do you know 
what he would do then? Why. it can be 
no secret. In a sweet voice, he would say, 


"Peace, brothers, peace, brothers,’ then go 
away and come back in the night—with 
reinforcements. Gentlemen, this cannot, 
this must not be allowed to happen. 1 
propose that we, this very night, set once 
and for all an official niggerhead-walk- 
ing policy, and enforce it to the fullest 
extent of the law; and if we haven't got 
а law covering that, then, by heavens, 
let us make one—now!" 

This brought every topwalker in the 
house to his feet, crying, "Hey, hey! Hear, 
hear!” 

As though some doubt had been left in 
the matter, Prince Bottomwalker imme- 
diately jumped up to get things st 
in his mind. But before seeking d; 
tion, he, sucking the hind tit once again, 
looked over at Step, who was still 
laughing, and alter loading twice as 
much fondness into his face, said, "Dear 
little laughing Step." Then he winked at 
him with both eyes. 

Step, without checking his laughter, 
nodded his head gravely in acknowledg- 
ment. In spite of his humble birth, Step 
was every inch a gentleman; you had to 
say that for him. 

Looking directly at his brother, Prince 
Bottomwalker now fumed, "And just 
where, pray, would the people walk, in 
accordance with this precious formal 
niggerhead-walking policy of yours, 
Prince Topwalker?" 

Now it was all the bottomwalkers" 
turn to leap to their feet. "Yes, yes, tell 
us, where, where?" they all clamored to 
know. 

When things had quieted down 
enough, Prince Bottomwalker lost no 
time in owning to the very same night- 
mare allegedly being suffered by his 
brother, except that his own was far 
scarier, What made his own so bad was 
that if Prince Topwalker was able to ram 
through this sly unspoken motion of his, 
the Niggerheads were going to be no bet- 
ter off than a bunch of giddy quail. 
With them strutting round on top of the 
humps that way, like so many nose 
thumbing, stifi-fingered targets, what was 
going to prevent the enemy's pick- 
ing them all right off? Here Prince 
Bottomwalker shook himself violently, 
to throw off the specter of so horrible 
an eventuality. 
се Topwalker shouted his brother 
making light of his silly woma 
fear, his bottomhugging cowardice, his 
microcosm-loving soul calling him а 
niggerhead worm, not a man, only to be 
shouted down in turn. On and on it 
went, for more than an hour, and Nigger- 
head hours were twice as long as any- 
body else's, as some people still know. 
Insults started flying back and forth all 
over the chamber, even among the mes 
sengers, for cach of them had his walk- 
ing preference, or prejudice, too. Fists 
were shaken under noses, men spat on 
the floor in front of one another and 
а lot of niggerhead-walking language 


was used, sometimes whole streams of it 
without a single pause. Ooh-hoo! The 
Niggerheads hadn't been nicknamed the 
Nastymouths for nothing. 

Step-and-ahalf, safe in the arms of his 
infirmity, just kept rocking back and 
forth on his seat, mozning, "Oh, my 
sides, my sides." 

At last a vote was called for—on every- 

thing. One vote, a single little vote, and 
they could all go home. Next day th 
would have an official way of walking 
and, at the same time, a new chief—even 
a new way of picking their noses, if that 
was what everybody wanted. Just get it 
over with. 
The vote taken ended in a tie. The 
princes chins dropped, then, for the first 
time, real apprehension set into both 
their breasts. 

Another yote was called for. It, too, 
ended in а tie. Vote, tie, vote, tie, they 
voting faster and faster—this was how it 
went, far into the night. The Nigger 
heads were split right down the middle 
and it looked like nobody was going to 
budge. Everybody was getting hotter and 
hotter and crosser and crosser, and aw- 
fully tired. 

The oldest of the elders, a white- 
haired old gentleman who had survived 
more broken legs and snapped necks in 
the swamps than everybody else com- 
ied, and who had loved old Chief Om- 
niwalker very much, got up in disgust. 
saying, “This is about the twiniest tribe 
I ever saw!” and went out to take a leak 
and have a smoke. 

When Old Preuzel, as the aged swamp 
veteran was affectionately called, came 
back, another vote was taken. It was the 
same old story. 

Finally, Old Pretzel stood up to offer 
a solution to what had begun to look 
like a hopeless situation. Tempers were 
growing dangerously short, and some- 
thing was going to have to be done. 

“Gentlemen,” he said, “this [bad word] 
can't go on forever. We're getting no- 
where fast, and we're going to get there 
even faster unless you listen to me. Now 
hear a tired old man's idea. 

"In the next valley are plenty of good 
niggerheads—good as any we've gor 
around here—and, best of all, that valley 
is still unoccupied. Gentlemen, I ask you, 
all due respect, why, in the name of 
[three bad words], can't we be a bitribez 
We seem to be two-minded about every- 
thing else these days—and nights.” 

Here the bent old man, whose arthri- 
tis was acing up something fearful, 
sighed hoarsely and threw the two princes 
a peculiar glance, but it wasn't anything 
you could really put your finger on. Wise 
old men know how to glance at princes 
like that. 

"Let the Princes Topwalker and Bot 
tomwalker draw м s," he went on, 
“the loser to take his fellow walkers over 
to that next valley and there build a 

(continued on page 102) 


if men don’t make passes at these girls who wear glasses, they should have their eyes examined 


Throughout most of recorded history, it’s been a pretty dismal scene for those poor young things who were cursed with some 
sort of myopia or other. Glasses! Better leprosy. All the bespectacled girls we knew seemed to kind of give up in about 
fourth grade, studied their brains out and probably eventually married some adoring optician. If one wanted to socialize 
ct all, it was a good idea to leave the horn-rims at home and bump into chairs all night. But not too long ago, all that 
changed. Glasses became glamorous and fun. Gloria Steinem showed up on talk shows wearing aviators’ and looked terrific. 
And now? Well, gentlemen, feast your eyes on all that surrounds you here and realize how shortsighted you've been. 


ӨӨ 


Left: "Dahling! I've just discovered the most divine new place to wear some of my smaller jewels! No, no, on my glasses, 
you silly duck, on my glasses.” Above: These little flowers can't tell the daisies from the daffodils without some mag- 
nified help from their outasight lenses. For beauty's sake, we hope they won't touch anything that could cause a rash. 


As the plot thickens, this bookish lass finds her lenses a bit steamed up and decides to mark her place, Below: "I'll keep 
my glasses an, if you don't mind. All the better to see you with, my dear." And then there's the romantic miss (opposite) 


who sees the world through heart-shaped rose-colored glasses and provides us with the lovely end to our story. 


PLAYBOY 


STEP-AND-ACHALP (continued from page 96) 


new village and carry on with—whatever 
it is we do in the middle of these [six 
bad words and an understatement}, recu- 
perate, eat, sleep, make love, get drunk 
and cuss, cuss, cuss. We'd still be one in 
language. in heritage and in spirit, sworn 
to eternal friendship and all that, and 
with our marvelously fleet. Step-and-a- 
half up there as official messenger, why, 
it would hardly be like we were sepa- 
rated at all. Should one of the camps be 
molested from outside, in a twinkling 
Step would be right there to inform the 
other, and in no time help would be 
оп the way. Catch the enemy up the 
маш, if you'll forgive шу flowery 
language. Getting old. 

“This separation agreed on, репйе- 
men, amity might prevail between the 
opposed princes, cach having become 
chief of his own subtribe, and, best of 
all, we could all go hom 

Old Pretzel’s proposal caused а storm 
of excitement. It was talked over for a 
long time, a number of the fine points 
being discussed—those litle technicali. 
ties that always have to be worked out 
when tribes are in the process of break- 
ing up. 

‘The princes at last agreeing to the 
plan, straws were brought in and drawn. 
Prince Topwalker lost. 

No one present had the strength left 
10 shout for joy, or even rub it in. Step 
was helped home, not just because he 
was so weak from laughing, which, in- 
deed, he was, but because, as was said be- 
fore, he was a cripple, and even with the 
help of his crutch, he couldn't walk so 
well on flat ground, especially in the 
dark. 

Зер left leg had been chewed off by 
a bear when he was a boy, and it was this 
resultant condition of his that gave him 
his terrific speed on niggerheads. Having 
no longer any choice in the matter and, 
consequently, never wasting any time 
wondering which was the best way, he 
walked on both the top and the bottom. 
He fairly got with it. His maimed condi- 
tion was also what made him so accept- 
able to both the topwalkers and the 
bottomwalkers, he being considered kind 
of neutral in the matter. Both sides trust- 
ed Step. 

From that day forward, Step's star was 
in the ascendant. Having been appoint- 
ed official messenger, by both sides and 
for life, he was now busier than he had 
ever been, and not with carrying just lit- 
tle “Hi, folks" messages, either, but with 
important stuff. His little moosehide 
diplomatic pouch veritably bulged with 
state secrets and he had to watch out all 
the time. 

“Here he comes, there he goes,” people 
in both camps soon never tired of saying 
of Step in amazed delight, as he went 
back and forth, forth and back, and 


102 mothers of daughters of marriageable or 


near-marriageable age began regarding 
him with a freshead eye. "Hmm, now 
that Step, you know,” they started saying 
at the right times, in all the right places, 
when Step had shot up there far enoug! 


to which the girls would reply, “Oh, 
Momma,” then, in a small voice, "You 
think so?” 


Probably it never has been easy for a 
superior man in this world. Let a superi- 
or man appear on the scene and be hon- 
ored, and right away there are a lot of 
other men around who want to be supe- 
rior men, too. But if they can't beat the 
superior man at his game, they know 
that they can always camp on his tail and 
snipe away at him, both асі and slan- 
derwise, trying in this way to bring him 
down so they can get his place, or at 
least fight over it, and it is this they very 
often do, as messenger nulli secundus 
Stepanda-half, as he was now officially 
called, to bis grief presently began to 
find out. 

Poor Step. The other messengers al- 
ways had been jealous of him, never los- 
ing an opportunity of doing him dirt, 
but by virtue of much self-discipline and 
sacrifice, he had managed to come to 
terms with the tainted gift of his own 
superiority—a thing he hadn't exactly 
prayed for, you know. Don't forget that. 
He had learned the wisdom of staying 
out of sight as much as possible, thus 

g his enemies of their target — 
them with the itch but with 
nothing to scratch, as it were. This had 
vexed them no end. “If only he would 
come out like a man and fight.” they 
had said plaintively. 

All that, however, had been in the old 
days. It was different now. Now, with 
his new exalted rank and all, carrying 
with it so many wonderfully impressive 
material perquisites, strewn all over the 
place. things only a blind envious man 
could resist staring longingly at, the 
other messengers’ animosity toward him 
knew no bounds. Not one of them was 
ever brave enough to call him Nelly to 
his face, he having so many fiends in 
high places, but that is what they all 
called him behind his back. Nulli secun- 
dus? Humph! "Nelly baboonpuss!" 

"Nelly broke his own record today," 
one of the messengers would come run- 
ing up to tell the rest, another explod- 
in?" They would then all take 
hed drags on their butts, 
grind them out underfoot and go off in 
different directions, their hands rammed. 
deep into their pockets and with dark- 
ness in their hearts, That stinking liule 
Nelly Step! 

Their malevolence sometimes assumed 
peculiar forms. Just to give you an 
idea of how passing strange resentful 
men can be sometimes, the other mes- 
sengers, with two whole, healthy limbs 
each. would go around abusing their 


right or left legs, knocking them against 
arp objects, viciously punching them 
with a fist from out of the blue, with 
not a one of them having the frank 
courage to go looking for the bear that 
had fixed Step up in the first place 
Some of them in this way were able to 
temporarily lame themselves, or at least 
come up with a passable limp, 

didn't help much. It only made it worse, 
nd Step would get the blame 
100. On their days off, some of 
the silly fellows, joined by messengers 
Step with his blazing speed had put out 
of work, thought that by going round 
with signs on their shoulders reading 
HIRE THE HANDICAPPED, they were sham 
ing Step, cutting him to the quick, but 
Step wasn't that easily cut. He just 
laughed. "Ha-hal" he 

But frankly—and it isn’t а pleasant 
statement to have to make—Step 
changed a little. In spite of all his mar- 
velous, godlike speed оп niggerheads, 
he was still only human. 

After the tribe separated and the joint 
kingdoms had been set up, Step began 
losing some of the old humility that had 
so become him. He had a little golden 
crutch now to replace the homely spruce 
root he had always depended on, when 
walking off the niggerheads, and he 
wielded it with a flourish. On state occa- 
sions, he rode in one of the two sedan 
chairs that had been placed at his dispos 
al by the tribes, each thinking that it 
had outdone the other. He would wave 
at the people as he went by. He was 
never seen in his old clothes anymore 
but always had on his official uniform 
with ihe little fokling wings in back. He 
even slept in it, so as to be ready at a 
moment's notice—though this isn't what 
the other messengers said. People started 
shaking their heads over Step. afraid 
that success might be getting to him. 

Well, if it was, it certainly wasn't slow. 
ing him down any. He got even faster. 
He'd booze it up all night, then be right 
out there in the morning, making him- 
sell of yesterday look sick. Step had а 
powerful constitution. 

A lot of explanations were offered for 
the changes taking place in Step, things 
having to do with his mother and his 
father, way back in the beginning, and 
though such speculations are always 
worth listening to, and do make a kind 
of sense in a way, probably closer to the 
truth would be that all this sudden noto- 
riety and affluence was simply too much 
for him. He had a fine home in each 
now, gifts of the respective trihes, 
and both were furnished in the very lat- 
est style. Lying about, and not in the clos- 
et, either, were little signs of elegance 
and luxury unheard of—$20 ashtrays, 
imported crisscross throw rugs, flavored 
toothpicks, 1 don’t know what che. He 
had servants galore, and everywhere he 
went were people bowing and scraping 

(continued on page 201) 


it’s like making your living by spitting into the wind, but 
some public servants in washington actually serve the public 


article By ROBERT SHERRILL 
AM, зо YOU ARE beginning to wonder what 
all those 2,851,576 civilians on the Fed 
eral payroll are doing to help you. When 
your mail is ten days late, vou wonder. 
When they decide to build a Federal 
highway through your house, you won- 
der. You may also wonder when you bear 
that our benign bureaucrats are shipping 
tobacco labeled коор to Asian peasants. 

Moreover, it probably gripes hell out 


of vou to know that, while your effective 
income shrinks, the people living off vour 
Federal taxes are doing pretty well—half 
a million of them are knocking down 
salaries of $14,600 or better, and that's 
just the white-collar crowd; it doesn't 
count the top-bracket salaries іп the 
postal and so-called blue-collar divisions 
of the Federal work force. Thanks to your 
generosity, a Federal employee can retire 
on$2808a ^ (continued on page 216) 


IS ANYBODY 
OUT THERE 
DOING HIS 
JOB? 


104 


PLUG an Advent VideoBeam in 
and it throws a dramatic four-by- 
six-foot television image onto a 
special screen placed eight feet in 
front of it. The color picture is 
bright and clear, free of the ob 
vious scanning lines one expects 
on so large a display. Inste 


and literally larger than life, TV 
close-ups become surrealistic and 
nebacker Chris Hanburger's fly- 
ckles leave the viewer's body 
jolted. 

“Once people see the Video- 
Beam,” says Henry Kloss, Ad- 
vents founder and president, 
“they're not going to settle for 
any other kind of television." 

He already has good evidence 
port that statement. After 
p six years and $2,000,000 
developing his _ projection-tele- 
vision system, Kloss sold 100 of 
the $2500 devices from a tiny 
showroom in the back of his 
Cambridge, Massachusetts, ware- 
house without adverüsing and 
before officially introducing them 
to the national market Jast sum- 
L Chicago's Consumer Elec- 
s Show. There were lines of 
adio dealers who were 
tic that in three days, 
Advent had orders for its entire 


mer 


TH 


Iu 


HCIURE 


henry kloss has put together а to machine that 
will turn your home into a movie theater. 
it isn’t perfect, but neither was the model t 


modern living 


БУЮМ ZIO 


Above, you see the business end of Advent’s Videobeom 
projection color-TV unit—an eye-popping electronic goody 
that brings big-screen thrills right into your living room. The 
freestanding curved screen (opposite) onto which sight and 
sound are beamed is positioned eight feet from the projec- 
tion tubes and has an area of 24 square feet. Price: $2495. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY DON AZUMA 


projected 1974 output of 2500 
5 from hi-fi stores around the 
country. By early 1975, the com- 

а s to accelerate produc: 
ity of at least 
year and, shoukd demand 
0.000. using a 24-hour 


10.000 
dictate, to 
work for 

VideoBeam is Henry Kloss's 
piéce de résistance, a video coup 
for an audio pioneer who's spent 
most of his adult life dreaming 
up ways to turn technological 
advances into playthings for 
grownups. 

In the carly Fifties. Kloss was 
a cofounder of Acoustic Research 
and introduced the AR speaker 
system, a remarkable bit of clec- 
tonic wizardry that brought 
high-fidelity speakers down to the 
price and size range the average 
listener could afford. After he 
left Acoustic and became the K 
of KLH, he developed the KLH 
Model 11. a quality music system 
that sold for less than $200. He 


also put together the KLH 
Model 8, an FM radio with 
such clear and brilliant sound 


that it's now a collector's item 
among audiophiles. In 1967. 
Kloss moved once more. He start 
ed the Advent. Corpo a and 
soon began marketing the first 


PLAYBOY 


cassette deck to use a Dolby noise-reduc- 
tion system in conjunction with chromi- 
um-dioxide tape; this combination raised 
cassette sound to a quality virtually as 
high as that of records and reel-to-reel 
tapes. 

Although audio products played a 
functional role in Advent's founding, 
Kloss says, “I started this company with 
one major goal in mind: the develop- 
ment of a projection TV system.” 

He is sitting in his comfortably crowd- 
ed office chanting out ideas in thought 
mantras, Allen Ginsberg style, paying 
little attention to normal sentence con- 
struction, straining to make his con- 
cepts perfectly clear, shifting his eyes, 
gazing up at the ceiling as he speaks. 
Kloss, at ease behind his desk, is the ar- 
chetypal combination of тпай scientist 
and absent-minded profesor. His gray 
hair hangs well over the open collar of 
the grape-jellystained shirt he insists is 
from Brooks Brothers ("a concession to 
the corporate-executive image"). He 
wears baggy khakis, dirty white bucks, 
no tie. He keeps his wrist watch running 
25 minutes fast and drives ап old gray 
Checker station wagon equipped with 
two large wooden speaker boxes wired 
into a Sony cassette deck mounted under 
the dash. 

Walking into the company’s blue-and- 
green Iunchroom, Kloss pops a sandwich 
into a microwave oven and quips, "I've 
never understood these electronic gadg- 
ets.” When someone at the table reads 
out loud from the newspaper that Sara 
Lee baked goods are mixed by computer, 
he comments tersely, “Sort of believable. 
‘They should be eaten the same way.” 

For dinner he'll put on a tie and jack- 
et to dine with astronomer friends from 
Harvard at a согу French restaurant, 
where he orders vintage California caber- 
net sauvignon. 

His office is in truth more than clut- 
tered; it is a holy mess: tables covered 
with the spent guts of old TVs and 
radios, blown speakers, tubes, calipers, 
capacitors, resistors, vials of chemicals, 
tape cassettes, charts, schematics, cans of 
paint. The phone on his desk is buried 
under piles of papers and technical re- 
ports; a stack of Wall Street Journals 
occupies one corner of the desk; the other 
end is a waterfall of paper. 

Kloss is asked his age. He scratches his 
head and says with ап air of surprise, 
“Gee, I guess it's 45 now." Ask him why 
he puuers around with gadgets and he re- 
plies, “I started doing it when I was very 
young. There was nothing else to do 
growing up in Tyrone, Pennsylvania.” 

Just outside his office, a 15-person re- 
search-and-development team works with 
a sense of loose, effective teamwork. It 
looks like a band of freaks charting an 
obstacle course for a Star Trek adven- 
ture. Most of them are dressed in blue 
jeans and a few of the men have their 


106 hair pulled back in ponytails. One per- 


son, unbeknown to Kloss, is searching 
for a photo of ‘The Leader to have silk- 
screened onto Tshirts for everyone to 
wear. Rock music blasts from a speaker 
at one end of the room. Down the hall, 
a fellow is hunched over a VideoBeam 
chassis branded in felt marker “Saint 
George the TV." ("I spend so much 
time kneeling over this thing, somebody 
decided it seemed like a sacred object,” 
hc explains) At various spots in the 
room there are oscilloscopes fluttering. 
Someone is laboring over an eight-foot 
schematic of a change in the TV's cir- 
сийгу. On the refrigerator is a posted 
declaration that all food will be removed 
on Friday afternoons. 

Kloss's atmosphere may be low-keyed, 
but his business sensc is not. He started 
AR in 1954 with an initial investment of 
$5000. Kloss owns two thirds of Advent, 
which last year grossed 11.8 “megabucks,” 
as he puts it. It currently turns out one 
system—perhaps the bestselling audio 
unit of all time—every 20 seconds. Yet 
Klos's prices have stayed low over the 
years and he prides himself on keeping 
the profit level below five percent 

“I have stands on values and we alien- 
ate a lot of dealers because І won't make 
a more expensive speaker," he says. "I 
believe this is the best speaker we can 
make without getting ridiculous. Who 
needs $400 speakers? I'd never make 
anything that I didn't have to. If elec- 
tronic manufacturers—the people who 
make television and stereo consoles— 
were doing as good a job as they could, 
there'd be no need for the hi-fi industry.” 

Just as shortcomings of consumer 
audio equipment goaded him into the 
hifi business, Kloss says he began to 
think about developing the VideoReam 
because he was so dissatisfied with the 
existing state of television. 

“When 1 started thinking about it in 
1966, color television had just reached its 
prime. All the tubes were quite similar. 
"There's always a lowest common denom- 
inator at work in things like this that in- 
dicates minimum standards. Once the 
minimums are accepted, no one does 
much to go beyond them. The tubes 
were all basically the same and it seemed 
to me that none of them was really good. 
‘There was such potential in the televi- 
sion area. It just had to be put in the 
right format. Toward the end of my days 
with KLH, I noticed that you can get a 
large and bright picture through projec- 
tion without the expenditure of much 
encrgy—much less, say, than you need for 
a conventional TV set of standard size. 

“We didn't make any major technolog- 
ical advances producing the Video- 
Beam. In fact, the particular form of 
tube we use dates back to World War 
‘Two. The problem was creating the pro- 
torype then demonstrating that the 
system is practical. 

“There was no interest in the device 
before this because there was never any 


way to demonstrate interest. The only 
way one can usually express interest is to 
buy the product. If no one knows such a 
product exists, there cant be any de- 
mand. I knew I wanted to build this 
thing, but how could you find out how 
many people wanted it? The cheapest 
and most popular existing commercial 
color projection system comes from С.Е. 
and costs $44,000. 

"Even after we had worked out the 
problems and offered the idea to major 
corporations, we had no takers. The proj- 
ect seemed too impossible. It was anoth- 
er Edsel story: In surveys, people tend 
to tell you what they think their neigh- 
bors would like, not what they'd like. So 
the manufacturers who saw this thought 
no one else would like it, even though 
I think they found it very appealing 
personally.” 

So Kloss found himself faced with the 
prospect of producing the tubes on his 
own, even though he'd never done any 
tube fabricating. Furthermore, he'd have 
to do it without the help of corporations 
devoted solely to that end. But thinking 
optimistically, Kloss knew that once the 
tube could be perfected, his problem 
would be basically solved. Rather than a 
conventional television that projects a 
stream of electrons at a phosphor screen, 
Kloss wanted—and developed—a tiny 
phosphor screen that would be reflect- 
ed back and projected onto a reflective 
surface. 

“Really, it's all done with mirrors,” 
he says half in jest. 

Finally, in 1969, Kloss managed to 
project an image onto a screen. What 
happened when you first saw the image? 
he's asked. “I remember Dean Martin 
and the red handkerchief he had in his 
pocket,” he recalls. And that was pretty 
much the nature of his celebration. Just 
calm observation; no cries of eureka. 

“J was working alone that night and I 
don't talk to myself," he says dryly. “And 
besides, there was never a moment of 
great discovery. It was totally predictable 
eight years ago. There was nothing tech- 
nically lacking for the production of the 
system. This was simply a decision to de- 
velop a way to put a tube together that 
would hold a stable image even when 
the heat inside went up to 900 degrees.” 

In contrast with Cambridge's Edwin 
Land, the Polaroid inventor who dreams 
things up and then figures out ways to 
manufacture them, Kloss’s genius is pre- 
cisely reciprocal: Given a technological 
artifact—like the World War Two radar 
tube he transformed into the Video- 
Beam—he dreams of things to do with 
it. He also, and this is probably his most 
unique gift, finds ways to get his dream 
produced. 

“Henry's brilliance lies in seeing po- 
tential where no one else can,” says 
Edgar Villchur, Klosss old associate at 

(continued on page 210) 


on this sea voyage, there was no mutiny, only bounty 


fiction 
BY NICHOLAS MONSARRAT 


THE CHARTER BUSINESS was very slack that summer and by mid-July, 
the topsail schooner Calypso owed money all round Nelson's Dockyard, 
and all over Antigua as well; otherwise, I don't think the skipper 
would have taken on the job. Usually, having six comfortable berths 
to fill besides our own quarters, we tried to get three married couples, 
or a mixture of the sexes, anyway, and it helped if one or two of 
the men knew their way about a sailing boat and could stand their 


107 


PLAYBOY 


wick at the wheel. 

When the prospect turned out to be 
five girls, and young at that, even George 
Harkness, who was an enthusiast in this 
area, must have thought twice about it. 
But he knew, better than I did, the mor- 
bid state of our finances. He knew that 
the Calypso, launched into the tourist 
charter trade with such high hopes, 
wasn't making any money at all. All I 
knew myself was that, as the engineer, 
deck hand, cook and scrubber, 1 hadn't 
been paid for six weeks and that we had 
both been living on the world's most mo- 
notonous diet, flying fish and chips, since 
the butcher cut off the credit and the liq- 
uor store cut off the tap. 

That had been two months earlier. 
Now even the harbor dues were begin- 
ning to look like telephone numbers. 

George Harkness was young and good- 
looking; 1 was neither. But that was 
about the only difference between us. 
We were both in the same boat, literally, 
figuratively and fatally. We had to have 
some cash to stay alive. So when the offer 
came along, it was almost impossible to 
resist. 

The first I heard of it was оп a bright 
July morning, when we were both busy 
about our chores. George, having loosely 
furled the big foresail now dried out 
after a heavy dawn dew, was on deck, 
wiresplicing a spare halyard that should 
really have been thrown away. I was in 
the galley, up in the forepeak, gutting a 
liule bonito before frying up the same 
old lunch. 

Through the open hatch there was a 
glimpse of a harbor that I always found 
sentimentally overwhelming. Its molder- 
ing buildings had been storehouses when 
Nelson was on station here in the frigate 
Boreas; the ancient embedded anchors 
had served 
reening ship: 


the whitewashed catch- 
ment had watered the British fleet since 
1700; the worn stone of the quays had 
been trodden by the young post captain 
who was to die a viceadmiral of the 
White at Trafalgar. 


It was an honor for the schooner 
Calypso to be berthed in this hallowed 
spot... Then the view was invaded by 
something rather less hallowed, though 
not less inspiring: a ravishing pair of 
female legs tanned to a golden crisp. 
topped by lemon-yellow shorts of a shape 
guaranteed to make old sailors feel 
young again and young sailors ready for 
extremely active service. 

As I ducked down to take in the rest of 
vision, it moved on aft and a girl's 
voice said: 

"Hi, Captain! Are you lor hire?" 

Though captain was acceptable, and 
even flattering, hire was not the sort of 
word that people in the charter business 
reacted to very favorably: It had under- 
tones of а sail round the bay at Clacton. 
one pound an hour, pills included. But 


108 the voice, which was American, had its 


own undertones as well, with a bit of 
melting honcy thrown in, and George, 
though as class-conscious as any of us, 
must have decided to forgive hire and go 
or the basic question. 

He said, “Yes—come on board," and 
the next thing І knew, the girl was down 
in the main cabin and I had a first-class 
cavcsdropper's ] 

"I'm Mary.Lou Hanson," she said, still 
in the same slightly breathless murmur. 
"I've got some friends—there's five of us 
all together. We wanted to go for a sail 
] mean a cruise." 

"How far do you want to ро?” George's 
voice sounded detached, but I was ready 
to bet that his eyes were busy enough. 

"As far as you like," said Mary-Lou 
Hanson. 

George coughed. I judged that he had 
been at the receiving end of a fiery look, 
as well as the unmistakable innuendo 
that went with the answer. But he still 
sounded businesslike. 

“When do you want to start?” 

“Now, if you like.” 

I felt that very soon it would be my 
turn to cough. The Calypso, though solid- 
ly built, wasn’t all that soundproof when 
she was moored alongside in still water, 
and George, I knew already, was not the 
sort of young fellow who could remain 
businesslike forever. I wasn’t criticizing: 
my cough would only have meant, 
“George, it's the money we need." But, 
luckily, he still seemed to have the same 
idea. 

"I don't sce why not,” he said. He 
began to talk about terms for a week or 
ten days: the cost of victualing, the ar- 
rangements about drinks. Then he said, 
“What about the rest of the party? How 
many men?” 

“None,” Mary-Lou Hanson answered. 
“We're all girls.” 

“What? Five girls?” 

"Yes" 

"But how much experience have you 
had?" George must have exchanged an- 
other of those potent looks, for he added, 
“In sailing, I mean.” 

"Not n Well, none. We just want 
lay, that’s all. Fun and stuff. 
ев" you got an engine?" 

“Yes. But we usually sail if we can. It's 
only a single screw." 

у!” The next sound was of con- 
ter, which I could well un- 
derstand, and then Mary-Lou said, “I 
expect we can work something out. . 
Don't you have someone to help you?" 
Just the man who with me." 

The question was 


really rather odd. 

"About fifty," George answered. 

“Oh, well. 

It wasn't much of an epitaph. 

They talked some more and had a cou- 
ple of drinks- already we were losing 
money on this deal—and then George 
said he would telephone in about an 
hour and the girl took off down the 


quay. Though 1 craned my neck until it 
creaked, I still couldnt see her face. But 
I saw most of the top half, which went 
admirably with the legs and the voice. 
Progress, of a sort. 

Presently, George came through into 
the galley, munching a biscuit, with a 
predictably silly expression on his f 
u heard all that,” he said 


What do you think?" 

"It's crazy. Five girls. . . . How will we 
sail? What will we do all дау?" 

George grinned. “Mary-Lou, as far 
as Im concerned. And if they're all like 
her 

"Oh, come on, George. We're char 
tering a boat.” 

“Fully equipped.” 

But though I didn't like the idea, we 
both knew that the trip was on. It was 
the best chance in months. There 
been nothing from our Miam 
since the beginning of the уса 
tourists sent down by the local hotels al- 
ways went for the three big Chris.Crafts 
that were the pride о! the bay 
curse of honest sailors. 
never match such elegant runabouts. She 
looked only what she was: a tough, salty 
schooner, converted from a Grand Banks 
fisherman; roomy and comfortable, with 
polished mahogany instead of plastic 
rubbish but without the frills and the 
chrome that caught the customer's сус. 

We couldn't compete, and we had to. 
For us, from the very first week, it had al 
ways been chicken one day, feathers the 
next; and we had been at the feathers for 
an awful long time. Five girls? We had 
reached the stage where we would have 
taken on five performing poodles and 
clipped them real good. 

ТАЙ right,” 1 said finally. "Give the 
girl a ring. But we need fuel and we can't 
stock up on anything unless you get 
something in advance." 

“I said that would be the deal. Didn't 
you hear?” 

“No. That must have been when you 
were murmuring. . . . Is she pretty?” 

"Gorgeous. Like a——" 

"OK, OK. . . " I was still rather 
grumpy. "By the way, I'm forty-eight.” 
"Well, good for you!" George grinned 
again. He was 24 and looked it. "Perhaps 
she'll bring her old mum." 


There were no old mums in the party 
that trooped aboard at sunset. Though 
I'm bound to say that I Пу gor 
those girls sorted out properly, item by 
item, with their labels attached. one 
thing I could swear to: They were the 
best-looking bunch ever assembled within 
the timbers of one 65-foot hull. 

Apart from Mary-Lou Hanson, a glow- 
ing brunette who was probably the pick 
of the crop. there was a tall blonde like 
an inverted Eiffel Tower and a smaller 
blonde straight off a Pirelli calendar; а 

(continued on page 134) 


n 


a factual and 
historical account 
of poker and 

how it grew, with 
only a few whoppers 
thrown in 


МЇНӨШЕДЛ 
HTS IME 554 


article By 6.BARRY GOLSON 


WHITHER POKER? 

Glad you put it that 
way. Poker needs a little 
ng up from time to 
time. Roulette can sum- 
mon an image of exiled 
duchesses laying slender 
stacks of chips оп rouge 
as the wheel spins; bac- 
carat may make you think 
of pale heirs in white 
tie murmuring “Banco.” 
With poker, thanks most- 
ly to Westerns, you tend 
to think of a saloon table 
led by liceridden, 
scruffylocking men, most 
of whom accompany cat- 
tle for a living. 

For the record, how- 
ever, poker turns out to 
have as fine a pedigree as 
you could wish for. It's 
not exactly classy, but it’s 
certainly classless. John 
Scarne, who never intro- 
duces himself without 
adding "world's foremost 
gambling authority," says 
that nearly 50,000,000 Americans play the game either regularly or occasion- 
ally; and it is rare to find a guy who hasn't drawn to a four flush at least once 
in his life. Guys, hell. Scarne claims that nearly half the country's players 
today are women. More on that later. 

What it gets down to is that poker is as American as tacoburgers. “Civilized 
bushwhacking," Maverick's pappy called it, and he may have had his doubts 
about the word civilized. The game is as perfect a microcosm as we have of 
the way a free-enterprise capitalist system is supposed to work, except that 
the rich don't necessarily get richer. Brass balls will do. In a limit game (no- 
limit games, where a ridiculously huge bet simply buys a pot, are rare today), 
a grocery clerk can humiliate an oil tycoon through sheer bravado—the 
object being, without exception, to bankrupt the bastard across the table. 

Jt all started one stormy night in Persia, about 400 years ago. A group of 
fellows with a little time on their hands dreamed up a game they called As 
Nas, which came to be played with 20 cards (the suits were lions, kings, 
ladies, soldiers and dancing girls), five cards to a Persian. The players would 
take a look at their hands and immediately commence lying. They could 
claim to be holding one or two pair, three of a kind, a full house or four of 
then back up the claim by betting the family goat. No straights or 
flushes, no draw. 

Late in the 18th Century, French sailors who'd been sent to Persia to win 
the hearts and minds of the people there eventually ended up in Louisiana 
with a similar mission and tock the game of As Nas with them. It appealed 
to the French because of another game that had been popular with aristo- 
cats, called Poque, which also relied on bluffing. In time, the French kept 
the basic structure of As Nas, discarded some of the sillier rules of Poque and 
ended up with something they called Poque-As. The Deep South's penchant 
for lousy diction and slurring took it from there—pokah. ‘There's some evi- 
dence that the old English game of brag and the German game of Pochen 
may have influenced poker, but the Persian-French link seems the most likely. 

New Orleans and poker deserved each other. Not only did Jefferson acquire 
Louisiana by outplaying Napoleon in one of the most profitable wheeling- 
g calls in history but about 100 years earlier, (continued on page 224) 


POKER'S GREATEST HITS 


When ide, Flower Belle (Mae West), leaves а 
goat in his bed, Cuthbert J. Twillie (W. C. Fields) 
in “My little Chickadee” ploys some poker. Asked 
if it's о game of chance, Twillie replies, “Not 
the way I play it, it’s nat,” and is nearly shot. 


“The Cincinnati Kid" (Steve McQueen) is stunned 
that Loncey Howard (Edward G. Robinsan) stayed 
in to pull а straight flush ogainst him. Says Lan- 
сеу, "It gets down to what it’s all abaut, doesn’t 


it? Making the wrang move ot the right time.” 


“A Big Hand for the Little Lady,” with Henry Fonda, 
Joanne Woodward ond Jason Robards, features 
опе of the greot poker hustles af all time—far too 
complex ta summarize but with no fewer than three 
surprise twists based on o single hand of draw. 


In "The Odd Couple,” much of the dialog tokes 
place around a paker table. When Oscar (Walter 
Matthau) brings out some sandwiches with some- 
thing green inside them, he assures the players, 
"It’s either very new cheese or very old meat.” 


"The Sting” reunites Hollywood's romontic couple, 
populor Paul Newman and lovely Robert Redford, 
in © practice session for on ingenious poker scam. 
The poker game is port of а plan ta set up the 
archvillain far an epic bookmaking hoax later on. 


MILTON BERLE: Do you remember how Ernie 
Kovacs used to carry a deck of cards 
around with him? Always wanted to 
play table-stakes poker. He was hooked 
on the game. It must have been 18 years 
ago that we were all at Dino's house— 
Tony Curtis, Dean Martin, the regular 
group. I wasn't playing; I was just kib- 
itzing. The game began about eight 
P.M. and continued all through the 
night. The curtains were blacked out so 
there would be no distractions. Must 
have been 7:30 the next morning—they 
were still playing table stakes—when the 
phone rang. Before picking it up, Ernie 
said that great line: "I wonder who the 
hell could be calling me at this hour of 
the morning.” Ernie didn't play very 
well. He lost a lot of money. 

JACK LEMMON: I hung around games like 
that for a while before I realized I was in 
over my head. My speed is more like 
what happened on the set of The Front 
Page, which Walter and I made last sum- 
mer. Just out of camera range, there was 
a poker table that was filled between 
takes with gaffers, sound men, stage- 
hands and especially actors. Billy Wil- 
der, the director, realized that he'd be 
getting a bunch of actors who didn't 
know one another, so he set up a game 
to loosen things up. Walter and I would 


ЛІВ ЕАК 


тое inveterate bluffers show their hands 


pull up a chair now and then if they 
didn't have enough players. The game 
was draw, stud or high-low. And the 
stakes weren't peanuts, either. lt was 
one-dollar, two-dollar, three-dollar. You 
could win $300 or $400 a hand. 

WALTER MATTHAU: You call that poker? 
"That wasn't a real game. That was ki 
time waiting for the director to say, 
“OK, we're ready for a take.” It was too 
automatic. Put the money in, the best 
hand takes the money out. Throw it in, 
take it out, throw 


MATTHAU: Any game where the loss of 
money can hurt you. Real poker is being 
able to bet a certain amount of money 
that would make most people leave the 


game unles they had a very strong hand. 
You can't deceive anybody with a dollar 
bet. It really has to hurt your wallet for 
the game to matter. The game has got to 
have financial meaning, or else it's not 
poker. 

Ешотт GOULD: I used to play table stakes 
regularly at Harry Belafonte's house in 
New York. Pot limit. You could win a 
couple of grand on a good evening. It 
wasn't my idea, but we played a lot of 
offbeat games, like baseball. 

LEMMON: That reminds me of my cock- 
amamie partner, the guy who produced 
Save the Tiger. He enjoys playing poker 
with his odometer, if you can believe 
that. Even if he's alone in his car, he's 
looking at his dashboard and doing 
mind bets on combinations of numbers. 
1 think the kid's gone bananas. Ill tell 
you one thing: I ain't gonna be in the 


car in front of him while he's watching 
that last number change, going for an 
inside straight. 

GOUID: Anyhow, we were playing base- 
ball and a lot of wild games а! the Bela- 
fontes. Harry and his wife, Julie, 
usually didn't do too well. It seemed like 
they were always both losing in the big 
pots. Sidney Poitier frequently played in 
that game. He's cute. He does a lot of 
ng at the table, a lot of obvious read- 
ing of his opponents. He takes a lot of 
time to get a "tell" My friend Joey 
Walsh—he's the guy who wrote my last 
picture, California Split, and a terrific 
poker player—is very much into tells. 
He says you should pay special attention 
to the table talk between hands and file 
what you hear for later reference. And 
look out for idiosyncratic gestures, which 
can tell you a lot about ап opponent. 
Not only must you know how to play the 
cards but you've gotta know how to play 
people. 

TELY SAVALAS I know what you mean. 
Thats what ] call the vig. or the edge. 
My vig is the ability to read people. Poker 
is one of the few games where I've 
managed to sublimate my own person- 
ality, because 1 know it could be a 
tipolf on the (continued on page 203) 


Not oll 
poker 

is played 
for money, 
or with 
dip... 


-In 
some 
ports of 
the world, 
natives 
wager 
their 
colorful 
costumes . . . 


-. . Shedding 
Their tribol 
robes 
according to 
ancient 
rituals... 


article By JON CARROLL 


memorize these simple rules, because 
there'll be a quiz after class, kids 


MOST OF THE POKER GAMES in this country, like 
mest of the murders, happen at home, among 
people who know one another. Very rarely 
except in cardrooms, do seven strangers sit 
down to play poker together. These private 
games are often ancient, shaped by several 
generations of poker players, laden with ec- 
Centric traditions and arcane conventions. 
To you, a stranger, it's a poker game; to 
them, it's The Thursday Night Game or The 
Game That Used To Be In Benny's Base- 
ment. If you are a newcomer to an old game, 
you are an ambulatory vessel of ignorance. 
Nothing is standardized in poker except the 
hierarchy of hands. Unwritten house rules 
are immutable, appeal to rule books useless. 
You need all the information you can get. So 
before the first hand is dealt, ask: 

Table stakes or limit? Poker Playing in 
America Charley, my neighborhood codger 
with the callus on his index finger from deal- 
ing seconds, will tell you that table stakes— 
the game in which the size of your bet is lim- 
ited only by the amount of money you have 
in front of you—is the only true poker. But 
Charley is wrong. In table stakes, you can 
lose everything on a fluke hand after seven 
hours of winning poker playing. In limit 
poker—which generally operates with a max- 
imum and a minimum on the amount of 
any single bet—the тап with the keenest 
concentration and the clearest head wins. In 
table stakes, any idiot with a big wad can 
ruin an evening. In limit poker. idiots lapse 
into stunned silence and leave early. Table 
stakes is a hustler’s game; limit poker is а 
player's game. The author is biased in favor 
of players. 

Chips or voice? ‘There are several methods 
for declaring your intentions at the end of 
high-low games. Some do it consecutively, 
with the person being called (or the per- 
son to the left of the dealer or the person to 
the left of the last bettor or raiser) announc- 
ing high or low first, and so on around the 
table. This leads to a lot of jockeying during 
the betting that doesn't seem to have а great 
deal to do with poker. Another method is 
simultaneous chip declaration, in which all 
active players conceal a certain number of 
chips (usually one for low, two for high and 
three for both ways) in their hands, then 
reve 
a difference in 


them simultaneously. Again, it makes 
(continued on page 232) 


FULL HOUSE 
AT THE 
WHITE HOUSE 


AMERICAN PRESIDENTS generally like to be dealt 
in, Ulysses Grant was probably the first to play 
poker while in the White House; he had a 


reputation as a pretty savage penny-ante play 
er during the sober stretches of his Adminis 
tration. Other Chief Executives through 


history have admitted to raking in occasional 
. although Franklin Roosevelt is supposed 
ave lost more often than not. His Vice 
President, “Cactus Jack" Garner, used to beat 
him consistently, a problem F.D.R. 


solved 
rather neatly by dropping him from the ticket 
as soon as he could. Harry Truman played 
regularly—although not as avidly as some 
stories have it—and sometimes won, despite a 
Missouri-born tendency to stay in every hand 
ever dealt to him. He found poker a useful 
political tool: When he was considering а 


“UH, MR. "—— 
AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED 

TO DEAL FROM THE 
TOP OF THE DECK?” 


for an important Government post, he'd have 
him over for a few hands with the boys: if the 
man held up under poker pressure, he usually 
got the appointment. 

Our last elected President—to use the term 


loosely—was reputedly partial to draw poker 
Out of curiosity, ace reporter Barbara Nellis 
tracked down a couple of Richard Nixon's 
old card buddies, fellow officers during World 
War Two in the Pacific. One of them, James 
Ste t, now 61 and an insurance broker in 
New York, told. Nellis that it 
taught a quiet, dark-jowled lieutenant j.g. how 
to play the game 

"We were living ashore on Green Island in 
the spring of 1944," Stewart recalled, "and 
Nixon spent most of his time inside the tent, 
Quaker 
id kept 


as he who 


reading his Bible. He was quite 
ne 3 


got curious, came along with me one evening 
and asked me to teach him how to play. I 
taught him some pretty standard stufl—never 
call unless you have better than a pair of 
ing into the draw, that kind of thing— 
(concluded on page 184) 


and he must have 


no such thing as a poker face at this round table—not with alexander woollcott, 


george s. kaufman, ring lardner 


SATURDAYS WERE SPECIAL at the Algonquin 
Hotel's Round Table, the favorite lunch. 
con spot of New York's literary and artistic 
set in the Twenties and Thirties. Unlike 
the lunches on other days of the week, 

ich were generally leisurely and ended 
with the participants’ going their separate 
ways, the male lunchers at the Saturday 
sessions hurried through their meals, got 
rid of their (continued on page 238) 


and chico and harpo marx as players 


20:08 пт MEREDITH 
ALGONQUIN 


... For 
instance, 
when с 
boy native 
holds o 
pair, the 
girl пойме 
exposes her 
poir.. 


. . While o 
chic villoge 
virgin, 
confronted 
with o flush, 
will wear 
nothing but 
a blush... 


Or 
had you 
already 

read 

about that 
in the 
"National 
Geographic"? 


114 


the lady played the oldest card trick in the book—on him 


CONN GAD OWINGIN 
GAR DENA 


memoir By JACK RICHARDSON rr was тне piamonp I saw first, a throb 


of white light that flashed by my eye like a comet. I had been playing poker for 
nearly three days, excluding eighthour respites for sleep, and when not in a hand, 
1 had learned to rest my eyes by letting them gaze down on the green felt of the 
table and look for patterns in the stains and cigarette burns that earlier players 
had left behind. I would raise my head only when an odd vibration in the rhythm 
of play called for scrutiny of the faces of those hunched about the table, faces that, 
like the blots and smudges on the table covering, often transpired hidden designs 
to an imaginative eye. 

‘he diamond, however, startled me into alertness. 1 watched the small, pale 
hand that wore it work with its companion in a deft shuflle of the cards, a smooth, 
rapid mixing that made the large jewel's brightness trace shimmering lines in the 
air, as if the hands meant to bind the deck they held in (continued on page 158) 


SHOWDOWN 
IN VEGAS 


article 
By RICHARD WARREN LEWIS 
7l call, pardner— 
for $160,000 


ALL THE BIG GUNS were 
olly Roger Funsmitl 


there— 
" Doyle 
Jimmy 
"Fury" Cassella, Jack "The Tall 
Strauss, Bobby “The Wiz 
ard” Hoff, Aubrey “АП Day” 
“Iron Man Smith" and 
Thomas Austin "Amarillo Slim" 
Preston, Jr. Months of ballyhoo 
promoting the world's richest 
poker tournament had attracted 
16 contestants to а claustropho- 
bic alcove at Binion's Horseshoe 
Casino in downtown Las Vegas, 
most of them professional gam- 
Ме with Runyonesque pedi 
grees. Each was risking a $10,000 
stake for the $160,000 prize 
waiting at the conclusion of the 
fifth annual winner-take-all mara 
thon. They were playing a vari- 
ation of sevencard stud called 


hold "ет, in which each player 
receives two down cards—on 
which he may bet or check—then 
three common cards dealt face 
vp in the center of the table that 
provoke а second betting inter 
val, followed by a fourth card 
face up and more betting and, fi 
nally, a fifth card face up and 
one more opportunity to bet. 
Winning hands were determined 
by combining any three of the 
five exposed cards with the two 
cards in the hole. It was а no-limit 
game that encouraged healthy 
wagers, while relying upon total 
concentration, suffcient stamina 
to endure grueling seven-P.Mt.-to- 
three-A.M. sessions and—most im- 
portantly—the critical ability to 
know how and when to bluff. 

By the third night of last 
spring's competition, only five of 
the original field remained at the 
oval table situated beneath twin 
ornate chandeliers. Every scratch, 
squirm, twitch and move they 
made was dissected by the sort 
of absorbed audience one would 
expect to find watching a dem 
onstration at а medical-school 
amphitheater. On one side, im 
pulsive side bets and intricate 
hand 
through three rows of bleachers 


analyses of cach buzzed 
occupied by some of the good 


ole boys (continued on page 116) 


ШЕШ ЕД5 


Above, top to bottom: Model F-103 metal fixture makes an ideal card-table light. by Robert 
Ѕоппетап, $130. Solid-elm pedestal poker table, by Lewittes, $200. Stackable chrome-and- 
plastic chairs, by American Seating, $49.50 each. On chairs, a dealer’s green eyeshade, by 
Crisloid, $1. Inlaid-waad poker-chip cose with four removable racks, by Crisloid, $100. 
Leatherette carrying case for chips and cards, by Langworthy, $35. Battery-powered card 
shuffler, by Bowman, $7. All Bicycle and Bee cards courtesy U. 5. Playing Card Company. 


NEVER, 
NEVER FOLD 


«. -and other helpful hints 
Jor the last hand оў the game 


humor By JIM MURRAY 


1 HATE ТО BRAG, but back in my single 
days, I was one of the most feared men 
with a deck of cards in the country. 
“Jacks-or-Better” Jim | was known as, 
the scourge of every nickel-quartcr 
game in the Connecticut Valley, the 
undisputed king of dormitory lowball 
and the man who, singlehandedly, 
broke the bank of my sister, Betty, in 
the Sunday-night table-stakes games 
where as many as 100 pennies would 
change hands on a single deal. Here, 
then 


e the ten secrets of my success: 

1. If the other guy has three of a 
kind showing and you have a straight 
with the middle card missing, tell the 
dealer to hit you. Don't believe that 
silly rumor about an inside straight. 
It can be filled. I filled onc in 1938. 

2. Never fold a hand for any reason 
whatsoever. This is cardinal. You can 
not win if you don't stay. If you're the 
kind of guy who lets himself be run 
out of a hand just because the other 
guy's got four aces showing, go back 
to playing hearts with Grandma. 

3. Don't run out if the other guy 
pushes all his blue chips into the pot 
Remember, he might be bluffing. Be 
sides, you might catch an ace on the 
last card. Always call. 

4. Never play cards without a fresh 
drink of bourbon every other hand ог 
so. A carton of cigarettes is also help 
ful. You will want to feel like you've 
been in a card game the next morning 
And you'll be amazed how much sharp: 
era few drinks will make you play. 

5. Never memorize your hole card. 
It can be discouraging. Lei 
a surprise to you as it is to the others 

6. Don’t be swayed if you need an 
ace to win and they've all been dealt. 
Take the optimistic view: The deck 
might be crooked. 

7. Always get in a game on а train 
with suangers who have their own 
deck. Remember this: Your friends 
know your playing style; strangers 
don't. 

8. Never raise a guy who says, "Let's 
does three of a kind beat two 
ir—or is it the other way around?” 

9. Always bct into a pat hand. Look 
at it this way: His hand isn't going to 
improve, is it? 

10. If. you sit down to play with 
guys who admit theyre related, 
stick around. It doesn't necessarily 
mean theyll cheat. They might 

not like 


be as big 


E 
р: 


Е E 


PLAYBOY 


lo Slim, the publicity- 
conscious winner of $60.000 in the 1972 
tournament. His velvet-lapeled, Western- 
cut tuxedo, rullled-front. shirt, flashing 
sapphire pink 

boy boots 
back on his 


nd pearl-gray Stetson tilted 
igh forehead were, shall we 


“Jimmy the Greek says you ain't no 
better than diddlysquat as a poker 
player," he said, referring to the Vegas- 
based odds maker who with Jack Binion 
devised the rules for the game in progress. 

А crooked grin creased Slim's weath- 
ered face. "You tell Jimmy the Creek 
this" he replied, measuring his words 
for maximum impact. "If he keeps talk- 
about me like that, I'm gonna put 
some arsenic in his old lady's douche bag 
and kill "im colder 'n a mackerel.” 

Consigned to raised bleachei tly 
across the room, a bevy of lipsticked, 
rouged, lacquered, wigged, big-cleavaged 
poker groupies gamely tried to follow 
the tide of chips flowing across green 
felt. But much of the time. like indolent 
Sweet Charity hookers, they were primp- 
ing with tortoiseshell compact mirrors or 
scanning newspaper headlines reading: 
"S.L.A. MASSACRED BY COPS IN SHOOT-OU" 
To their immediate right, partially 
den by а row of casino officials, fistfuls 
of $100 bills were changing hands in 
games of raz—a version of seven-card 
lowball. The gamblers involved at these 
heretic tables apparently couldn't care 
less about the main event a few feet away. 

To the groupies’ left stood а gallery 

1 hundred. Among this 
rapt cross section of hum 
ed four deep behind velvet-rope barriers. 
were geriatric couples who conceivably 
could have modeled for Grant Wood 
and [arm-fresh. gamins with saucer eyes 
straight out of Ki а 
with toothpick-chewing, tattooed cow- 
boys in Levis and armpitdamp T-shirts. 
And gawking tou aloha shirts 
whose jaws dropped in anticipation rose 
for a better view whenever one of the 


mbering severa 


iss й 


five survivors steered substantial мас 
of chips into the pot. И Las Vegas had 
subway system, these would be the 


passengers. 

From among them bolted what ap- 
peared to be a wizened prospector, mak- 
vain auempt to muscle past one 
of the armed guards stationed at the 
ying-area entrance. "I've been com 
for 40 goddamned years, you son of 
a bitch," he bellowed through yellow 
teeth, while being hustled away. 

If any of the players heard this com- 
motion, they never acknowledged 
Their eyes. as they had been for hours. 


lig were riveted on the table. Texas Johnny 


didi 


iearby AL 
and was the winner of two previou 
pionships, wiped his moist hands with a 
towel while waiting out а hand. Baggy- 
eyed Sid Wyman, who was associated with 
rip hotels when Vegas was in its ir 
fancy, kept fingering the corners of h 
hole cards before dropping out. Br 
"Sailor" Roberts, barely visible bel 


di 


wers of chips representing $75,000, 
nervously rubbed his shmoo-shaped belly 


inst the table while contemplating a 
55000 call. Well-traveled Jesse Alto, born 
in Mexico of Lebanese parents and raised 
in Israel, somberly drank black coffee 
from a glass wrapped with a paper nap- 
kin. And then there was Crandell Ad- 
dington, a 36-year-old Texas commodity 
speculator and real-estate developer, puff- 
g on a seyen-inch-long, hand-rolled 
Brazilian panatela as he awaited Sailor's 
decision. His searching eyes were barely 
ble beneath the brim of his $100 plan. 
tation owner's Stetson. 

Sailor chose not to call Addington's 
$5000 bet and the gallery reacted with a 
muted bray of boos. 

“You got no guts, Sailor.” heckled one 
of them, watching him toss i cards 
and grasp $300 worth of chips for the 
next ante. Just co rub it in, Addington 
flicked over useless hole cards—proving 
that he was bluffing. 


hours of combat, there persisted а blur 
of fingers tapping on felt, packs of cards 
being torn up and replaced with fresh 
decks, the inexorable exchange of neatly 
stacked chips, diamond rings flashing 
like prisms and a polluted haze of cigar 
smoke that called for periodic applica- 
tions of Murine. 

As counter 
fling, dealing, bet 
and stacking, 


1 to the repetitive sh 
ng. staring, folding 


neongruous distractions. it was 
Bobby Riggs bounding into the card 
room. trailed by several of his retinue. 
In case you shouldn't recognize him, 
ing white shorts, sweat 
eakers, sun 1 а blue 
ing the Tropicana Hotel, 
ете he is employed as resident pro. It 
was strange attire for ten i 
eve 
was whispering in the ear of a kibitzing 
gambl g à backgammon 
that would involve a well-heeled pigeoi 
the following afternoon. Nobody at the 
table turned to acknowledge his presence. 


sor 


sweater adver 


wi 


Two ceded by a surreal 
glow of hot с n lights and ac- 
companied by his own legions of camera 


men. sound technicians. cable carriers 
nd boom operators, cleft-chinned To- 
morrow host Tom Snyder staked ont a 
position no more than six fect from the 


table. Using the players as background, 
waving a micophone back and forth 
like a wand, he exchanged small talk 
with various Vegas panjandrums. Sny 
der's presence was also largely ignored 
by the players. 

By midnight, Alto and Wyman had 
apped out—each leaving the premises 
shaking his head and flashing a rictal 
grin to perfunctory applause. Their de- 
parture lefi Sailor comfortably ahead, 
entrenched behind $100,000 worth of 
chips deployed like the Maginot line. 
bound to win.” predicted 
lowball expert. "He has 
better judgment and he's extremely ag 
gressive. Besides, he's too far ahead.” 

t intervals during the next 
several hours, Addington bulldozed all 
of his diminishing chips toward the ce 
ter of the table, gutsy moves invariably 
accompanied by expressions of astonish 
meat from the onlookers. 

“Нез all in!” they would murmur, 
edging forward for a better view of his 
potential demise. 

Yet, somehow, he always managed to 
wriggle free. Superior poker players win 
more pots with bluffs than with solid 
hands—and that’s exactly what Adding 
ton was doing. 

When the third day of play ended at 
three A, Sailor counted up $89,900 
worth of chips. Moss checked in with 
$49.900, virtually the same sum he was 
holding eight hours earlier. Addington 
tailed with $20,200 

“Well, I made it through the nigh 
he sighed. rising from the table and 
yawning widely 

Sailor Roberts, astonishingly, failed to 
make it through the first 80 minutes of 
the following day. Shortly after the first 


hand was dealt at 11 ast, Addington 
pushed in the rem; $20, 
stake on the last card—and Sailor, after 


anguishing minutes of soul-searching. 
failed to call. The same pattern occurred 
repeatedly, until Sailor's stack had dimin 
shed by one half, When he finally felt 
confident enough to call Addington's 
most formidable bet—a $50,000 gamble 
his aces and fours lost to a straight, and 
as busted 
That left Addington and Moss to 
square off head to head. Their styles of 
play were as different as their person 
aliis. Moss was all business, a shrewd, 
seasoned profesional gambler for 50 
years. He played more conservatively, 
preferring to snare smaller but surer 
pots—rather than opting for riskier big. 
bet temptations. As one expert observ 
put it, "He'll call you out of your mind, 
especially at the beginning, just to see 
what you're doing.” His spectacles and 
receded gray h scent of 
a more famous Texan, Lyndon Johnson 
If there was one idiosyncrasy that dis 
nguished Moss from his colle 
was the busy f constantly 
(concluded on page 231) 


afraid you're sitting on the bell, darling.” 


DLE 


our november playmate may be the 
girlfriend of rock star todd rundgren, 
but she’s very much her own woman 


BEBE AUELL had just come to New York from the 
South and had met a young man who owned a re- 
cording studio. "He must have thought 1 was great,” 
she recalls. "He hung photographs of mc all over his 
studio And everyone who passed through the 
studio— recording engineers, producers, musicians— 
saw the pictures. One day, a musician friend of the 
studio owner met the girl in the photographs. His 
name was Todd Rundgren. “At the time," Bebe ге. 
members, “Todd had just released his second album 
But I had no idea who he was. Anyway, we talked, 
went ош a couple of times and soon we were living 
together.” That was nearly three years ago, and 
though the photographs are gone from the walls of 
the recording studio, some of New York's finest fash- 
ion photographers are taking new ones of Bebe all 
the time. “I model,” she explains, "because I like 
to accomplish things. It would be easy for me to just 
hang around with Todd and do nothing but blab on 
the phone all day while shining the furniture and 
his four gold records lying around our house. But 1 
like to be independent. I want to have my own 
career, my own identity.” While Bebe has busied 


“From being around Todd," says Bebe, “I’ve leorned that 
modeling ond music hove things in common. Both depend 
оп improvisotion and on the expression of true feelings.” 


1 Á 


"Sometimes," says Bebe, “being the girlfriend af a very visible rock figure can be bothersome. One night, some guy with a praveoy in his hand 
came running up to Todd and me, pointing to a picture, screaming, ‘Is this you, Bebe? Is this you?’ ” It was. This is Bebe's third appearance 
in our pages. Lost Februory, she was one of The Girls of Skiing and in May was featured in Sheer Delights, our pictorial an lingerie. 


) 


4 


"Some models | know," Bebe soys, “hove a prejudice agoinst 
doing nudes. Thot's nonsense. A model should be versatile 
опа nudity gives me o chance to try something different. 


herself with that, Rundgren has gone on to become one 
of the most accomplished writers and producers of rock 
(his last single. Hello, I's Ме, was nearly а 1,000,000 
seller). Bebe still travels with him, though, when he and 
his band, Utopia, go on tour. But because her talents are 
in great demand by photographers, agencies and fashion 
magazines (on a typical nonshooting day, she averag 

enough appointments to keep her busy well into the 
evening), the tours and parties with good friends on the 
road come much less frequently. “That's kind of sad," 
Bebe admits, t go to as many parties as I used 
to, anyway, and I got tired of spending my nights being 
seen at high-class New York bars. I'm trying to live a 
healthier life. „ I've quit smoking and 1 haven't 
eaten any meat for the past year.” Still, Bebe wonders on 


occasion whether it's all a dream. "Sometimes, when I see 
my picture in a magazine or watch Todd play at a con 
cert for thousands of people, I almost have to pinch my 
self when I realize that less than three years ago, 1 was 
just a nobody from Virginia Beach who didn't even know 
that there wasa Todd Rundgren or such a thing as rock 
culture and the lifestyle that goes along with it. One 
week not too long ago, for instance, Eric Clapton was in 
town for a concert. Todd and 1 were invited backstage, 
at which point Eric asked him to sit in. Then Mick 
gger walked into the dressing room, and later, when 
Todd was onstage, Mick and I talked and he said, ‘Why 
don't you and Todd come over to my place tomorro 
His place turned out to be Andy Warhol's summer cot 
tage out on Montauk Point. And since then, he's phoned 
several times from London just to find out how we are. 
Bebe rarely lets all that glitter turn her around, though. 
“I'm too busy for that,” she says. “I've got too much 
growing and learning to do, and I'm determined to be 
proud of myself.” No reason you can't start now, Bebe. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


While the band tunes up before Todd's concert at Pittsburgh's 


Three Rivers Stadium (left), he and Bebe take a few moments 
together and chat with a fon (above). The next day, Bebe 
stops to pick up a magazine (belaw) featuring a phata af her. 


LAYBOY'S PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH 


Eu |. 


Back in New York—and to work—Bebe poses (above) for top photogropher Pete Turner. “For some models," says Bebe, “shooting ses- 
sions are nothing but a lot of hard work. Not for me; I like the idea of putting myself into any mood ог any pose my photographer thinks 
is beautiful.” Returning to Turner's studio several days later (below), Bebe gets а chance to look at the tronsparencies of the shooting. 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


A neighborhood busybody was so shocked by 
what she saw through a young couple's win- 
dow that she marched right up, yanked it open 
and told them so. The occupants heatedly 
maintained that what they did in the privacy 
of their bedroom was their own business— 
and the other couples who were with them 
emphatically agreed. 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines rhythm 
method as ofl-season pl А 


Explaining her new mink coat to her girlfriend. 
the petite redhead said, “This impressive execu- 
tive type picked me up very smoothly in a cock- 
tail lounge, took me to dinner and a show, and 
then we went to his apartment. and after we'd 
had some cognac, he opened the door of a huge 
closet, and there were a number of full-length 
ind he said. ‘Pick one out” 

you didn't have to do anything?" asked 


joined the redhead. “naturally, 1 
had to take it up about six inches.” 


We've heard that a new airline linking Geneva 
with Milan, Rome and Naples is to be called 
Genita 


Ап equestrian starlet named Barr 

Said, “My act's made me, sexwise, bizarre! 
Since my two bareback steeds 
Move at different speeds, 

I've been stretching a good thing too far!” 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines adolescent 
intercourse as a teensters' union. 


А doctor and a lawyer in separate vehicles 
collided on U.S. 95 one foggy night. The fault 
was questionable, but both were shaken up, 
and the lawyer offered the doctor a drink from 
a pocket flask. The doctor took the flask with 
a shaking hand and belted back several long 
swallows. As the lawyer then started to cap the 
flask, the doctor asked, "Aren't you going to 
have one, too, for your nerves?" 

"Of course I am," replied the lawyer, “after 
the Highway Patrol gets here." 


Sure, you were once my knight in shining 
armor,” cackled the old woman at her spouse, 
“but that was before you reached the age of 
shrivelry!" 


Say, or buddy, guess what?" chortled the 
drinker to his companion. “While you were in 
the john. a guy down the bar sold me a cut-rate 
membership in this prostitution club!" And he 
held out a document for inspection. 

"Wait a minute!” exclaimed his fellow 
drinker some seconds later. “This isn't for a 
prostitute club. It's for a parachute club!" 

"Oh, my God! And I signed up for a hun- 
dred jumps!” 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines impotent 
flasher as a public futility. 


А па then there was the Biblical straight arrow 
who lived life as if there were no Gomorrah. 


| locked my husband out of the house last week 
for playing around with a number of other 
women,” said the attractive young housewife, 
"and now he wants me to take him back. What 
should I do, Reverend?” 

“It's your Christian duty to take him back, 
intoned the minister, patting her hand. “But. 
he added, as his grip tightened, “how would 
you like to get even with the bastard?" 


The druggist talked the customer into buying 
higher-priced condoms with the argument that 
they were washable, The following week, the 
man was back with fire in his суе. “Maybe those 
rubbers you sold me are washable,” he stormed 
at the druggist, “but you should sce the letter 
I've just received from the laundry!” 


nae 


Ana do you perform fellatio?” asked the in- 
trusive sex pollster. 

It all depends,” replied the girl 
fella.” 


“on the 


Mummy told me she has a baby growing inside 
her out of Daddy's seed,” confided eight-year-old 
Sally, "but I don't know how Daddy put the 
seed inside her.” 

“That's simple, silly,” said nine-year-old Tom- 
my. "He screwed your mommy s head ой!” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


NO SMOKING FASTEN SEATBELTS 
ر‎ =n: 


Faby OECO ln 


“We're not smoking, damn it, and our seat belts are fastened.” 


check the handwriting 
on the wall—black ts 
a bright new fashion idea 


For left: Striped acrylic/ wool blend 
cardigan with contrasting waistbond, 
$45, worn with matching turtleneck, 
$42.50, and wool straight-legged 
slacks, $40, all by Cardin. 


Left: Wool six-bution single-breasted 
jacket, about $80, shown with checker- 
board-patterned woal /acrylic pull- 
over, $30, and woo! flannel slacks, $40, 
all by Larry Kone for Raffles Wear. 


Right: Calfskin short jacket with zip 
front and strap-buckle waistband, 
$200, plus Jacquard sleeveless pullover, 
$25, polyester shirt, $40, and waol gab- 
ordine slacks, $70, all by Giovannelli. 


For right: Brushed catton snap-front 
shirt with knit collar and cuffs, by 
Michael Milea/Peter Sinclair, $12; 
nylon knit shirt, by Nik 
and sateen slacks, by A. Smile, $17. 


attire 


BY ROBERT L. GREEN 


THE GOOD 
GUYS WEAR 
BLACK 


Right: Wool/nylon tweed jacket worn with 
houndstooth vest and wool herringbone 
slacks, all by Sal Cesarani for Country 
Britches, $175; plus a herringbone 
end kı $7.50, both by Bert Pulitzer. 


$20, 


Center: Cotton velvet suit with notched 
lapels and patch pockets, by Jupiter of Paris, 
$95; textured cotton/polyester shirt, from 
Lanvin Deux by Hathaway, $25; anda silk 
twill tie, by Yapré Cravats, $20. 


Far right: Acrylic/Lurex knit sweater, about 
$42, worn with madras shirt, about $24, 
silk scarf, cbout $30, and polyester/Trevira 
slacks, about $52—plus a whip-snake walk- 
ing cone, $75, all by Peter Barton's Closet. 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY ERALOO CARUGATI 


PLAYBOY 


SEX AND THE SINGLE SCREW 


Titian type with marvelous green eyes 
and another fiery redhead with the most 
remarkable self-sustaining frontage since 
the figurehead of the Cutty Sark. 

They were called Samantha, Ellen, 
Judy and Raquel—not necessarily їп 
that order—and they brought to our 
staid male-fibered schooner a delicious 
ura of good looks, sex, soft femininity 
and lively humor. It was like some dusty 
Vatican seminary suddenly going ced. 

They stowed away their gear- though 
there seemed very little of this—and then 
rum punches began to set the tone of the 
evening. One would be a fool not to 
drink rum in the Caribbean, whatever 
one's previous tastes. Rum was cheap, 
smooth, gut-warming and insidious; it 
broke down and then it built up again, 
in a different pattern altogether. We 
had an hour of this delicious nectar in 
the main cabin, all bright eyes and laugh 
ter and honeymoonish jokes; and then 
we set sail. 

We didn’t get very far that night: not 
in sea miles, anyway. We ghosted down 
the coast from Nelson's Dockyard and 
into Willoughby Bay next door; and 
there we anchored, after an hour's lazy 
sail under a marvelous yellow moon that 
gleamed on everything—the ripplin 
water, the silver shore line, the palm 
trees at its edge—as if the pointing finger 
of the night sky wanted to show us the 
best that heaven could do. 

I cooked dinner—the smell of char- 
coaled steak apain, after all that bloody 
fish, made me feel quite faint—and then 
we settled down to the most cheerful 
meal the Calypso had seen since we 
brought her south from Nova Scoti. 
‘The girls had “ iged," im the sense 
that bare shoulders had become a very 
loose phrase, indeed; and as I came 
from the galley with the heaped platter 
of meat and vegetables and surveyed 
those five paragons ranged ready under 
the lamplight, I thought that по man 
could ever have counted up to ten so 


They talked, and laughed, and 
squirmed a good deal, and ate like little 
horses, and seemed so delighted with 
their surroundings, and indeed with the 
whole world, that I could not quite be- 
lieve it. It was like a rum-scented, sen- 
sual, come-hither paradise, and there was 
no such place. . . . George was the center 
of attraction, just as he should have 
been; he was in his element, sharp as a 
row of spikes, and he was being paid for 
; the only trouble was plurality. 

1 thought, sarcastically, “If you just 
play your cards right, my boy. . . ." My- 
self, I was just the spare hand, and al- 
ready bashed about by a whole arsenal of 


134 the weaponry of life, and 48. 


(continued from page 108) 


But 1 still couldn't make the girls out. 
Mary-Lou Hanson seemed to be the lead- 
er, but the leader of what? They certain- 
ly weren't a family. A club? Some kind of 
stalf party? A piece of a charter flight? 
They didn't seem at all interested in tell- 
ing us. At one point, Mary-Lou had said, 
‘Oh, we're just friends,” and that was all 

When I asked one of the girls—I think 
it was Raquel, but it might have been 
Judy—what she did, she said, "I'm a sort 
of teacher.” 

“What do you teach? 

She looked at me with fathomless eyes. 
“Physical education.” 

"That, at least, I could believe. 

But it was not for me. George Hark- 
ness was the star: Let him shine all 
over... . A couple of hours and many 
cups of coffee and rum chasers later, 1 
took a load of dishes into the galley. 
Through the hatch I heard Mary-Lou, 
following up one of the evening's favor- 
ite jokes, say, “I do like your ship, George. 
Though it's a darned shame about that 
single screw”; and then, in a much more 
decisive tone, “Well—who's first?’ 

Here we go again, I thought re- 
signedly; but I could not be surprised. 1 
had become used to the idea that ships 
and boats did funny things to people, 
men and women alike; it was a fact of life, 
like litmus paper turning red. People 
always behaved on boats as they would 
never dream of behaving anywhere else 
the world; and they did it quicker. 
Perhaps it was the glamor, or the briny 
air, or the blessed isolation, or the free- 
dom that this cutoff life inspired. Maybe 
one sort of movement led to another. 
Whatever it was, the potent magic worked 
as soon as the passengers came on board. 

We had once had an English couple: 
youngish, probably not married, but of 
the most reputable background—I think 
they were both schoolteachers. But they 
id not stay schoolteachers for very long. 
"They were drunk as coots from begin- 
g to end; they sang the most hair-rais- 
ing songs at the first plonk of a guitar; 
and they were both as randy as a goat 
farm in spring. Even on the first night, 
they started one hell of ап uproar on 
deck, about midnight. Keeping prudent- 
ly out of sight, we could only hear the 
squeals of laughter. the sound of thud. 
ding feet, and then the voices: 

“Come on, Arthur! Chase me!" 

“I'm tired. Get down off there, Why 
don't you come back to bed?" 

“I've told you. I want to do it up the 
mast! 

After that, I never сусп blinked. 


There was a lot of activity that night; 
George must have been as busy as a onc- 
armed paper hanger, though the simile 


was not particularly appropriate. At this 
point, it might be worth detailing the Ca- 
Iypso's sleeping arrangements, since they 
were obviously going to be important. 
George had his own cabin, amidships. 1 
had а much more humble slit of a berth, 
opposite the galley, with my feet in the 
chain locker. The girls were spread 
nd in pairs in the big twoberth 


Three cabins and five girls left one 
spare bed—or, to put it another way, 
left one girl on her own. Obviously, it 
was going to be put this other way, if the 
traffic was anything to judge by. 

Isolated in my narrow lair, 1 dozed off 
to sleep, to the music of ripples running 
against the hull that could not entirely 
mask all the other jazz. Once again, this 
caper was not for me. George was the 
star. Let him earn the money. 

He looked pretty terrible the next 

morning when he tiptoed into the gal- 
ley: pale, with circles under his eyes you 
could have used for saucers and yawning 
like the lower end of the Grand Canyon. 
He drank quarts of black coffee, some 
raw eggs in Worcestershire sauce and 
then a mixture of rum, Fernet Branc 
and iced lime juice. Then he said, “I 
think ГЇЇ go back to sleep. Give me a 
ake at twelve." 
It was not to be. The pattern—and the 
battle order that presently emerged —was 
quite different. George was to be on duty 
day and might. It was Judy—or Saman- 
tha—who gave him his shake: not at 
noon but at 8:30 A.M. 

By day three, still at anchor in. Wil- 
loughby Bay, we worked out a routinc 
that would at least look better in the his 
tory books. One girl stayed on board with 
George while 1 rowed the four others 
ashore and we had a picnic, above the 
tidemark among the palm tees and the 
dappled sunlight. 

It was beautiful beyond compare—and 
so were the girls, who by now were top- 
d unashained, and emerged from 
their swim like streaming goldfish, and 
flopped down like gamboling puppies 
They were very good company. We ate 
golden slices of papaya, and drank pale 
Barbados rum by the five-liter keg, and 
dozed a lot. 

They seemed to have worked out their 
own routine, very happily, without quar 
rels. There was the Dish of the Day, who 
stayed on board with George; and after 
that the Late Night Snack, who was not 
my worry, either. I had my own small 
paradise at last, and it suited me wonder 
fully, from the top of the sunny sky down 
to the soft warm ground. 

In fact, I was doing much better than 
the toprated gladiator. Someone once 
said that variety was the best aphrodisiac, 
and at the beginning, George probably 
found that this was true. But by day five, 

(continued on page 214) 


less 


| 
ASI 


“No luggage!” 


the u.s. needs energy the way a junkie 


needs skag—and someday fairly soon 
controlled thermonuclear fusion will 
give us the inexhaustible connection 


article 


By RICHARD RHODES 


PAINTING БҮ ROGER BROWN 


AS FAR AS THE UNIVERSE is concerned, the 
energy crisis is a fraud. There is no ener- 
gy crisis now, there never has been, and 
there never will be. Dislocations, yes: 
massive and destructive in the past, pos 
sibly more so in the future. But there 
never was any shortage of energy in the 
universe, We knew that all along, watch- 
ing the sun rise and burn and set 
through all the millennia of the race's 
evolution and never once falter, never 


PLAYBOY 


138 equally 


once go ош. Was there anything earlier 
that we wanted? Excepting only our- 
selves, was there anything earlier that 
we knew? 

The sun will save us? 

No. 

Yet it obsesses. 

That huge, unquenchable source. 

‘Then it will save us. 

From ourselves? 

Controlled thermonuclear fusion, the 
ultimate source of inexhaustible energy, 
in the long run almost entirely pollu- 
tion-free, toward which physicists have 
been talking and working since before 
the end of World War Two, is nearer 
this year to being realized in the labora- 
tory than it has ever been. Last year, 
1973, was a turning point, the year the 
leading physicists in the field decided 
that fusion was in fact possible and 
would eventually be practical. They told 
Congress so; they told journalists so; one 
of them, Dr. Harold P. Furth, of the 
Princeton Plasma Physics Laboratory, 
might as well speak here for them all: 
“There's really no doubt any longer 
about the fact that a fusion reactor is 
possible. One could even describe such a 
reactor, and one might be off a little bit 
on the size and cost, which are of course 
rather important, but one could describe 
a reactor with nearabsolute certainty 
that some such thing in some size will in 
fact work.” 

How scientists reached this point, how 
their experiments have gone and how a 
reactor would work, and where that 
work may lead us, are facts worth know- 
ing, because controlled thermonuclear 
fusion will change American life and the 
life of the world at least as much as its 
diabolic bastard kin, the hydrogen 
Lomb, already has. Nothing afterward 
will ever again be quite the same. If that 
sounds ambiguous and even ominous, it 
s meant to. If power corrupts, it remains 
to be scen whether or not absolute 
power will corrupt absolutely. 

From the beginning, then, heavy gold: 
The sun, the stars, the clouds between 
the stars, the northern lights, the glow 
inside a neon tube, the fireball of а hy- 
drogen bomb, all are made of plasma, 
the fourth state of matter. Solid, liquid, 
gas, plasma. To make a plasma from hy- 
drogen gas, you inject the gas into а vac- 
uum chamber and heat it above 10,000 
degrees centigrade. The electrons then 
separate from the nuclei, negative elec- 
trons from positive ions, and the gas be- 
comes ionized: Plasma is ionized gas. Like 
ordinary gas, it can be heated by com- 
pression and cooled by expansion; like 
ordinary gas, it jostles about with no 
particular form and expands outward 
n all directions; but unlike 


ordinary gas. it conducts electricity and 
can be shaped and directed by magnetic 
fields. 

Making a plasma is easy; you do so 
whenever you turn on a fluorescent 
light. Making a plasma do what the sun 
does—do better than the sun does, be- 
cause the sun isnt very efficient—is 
hard. Ions, the nuclei of atoms stripped 
of their electrons and thus positively 
charged, repel one another with great 
force. To bring them together, that force 
must be overcome. For the heavy isotopes 
of hydrogen—deuterium and tritium— 
the temperature required to overcome the 
natural repellence of their ions is around 
50,000,000 degrees centigrade. Above that 
temperature, deuterium and tritium 
atoms not only collide but sometimes 
fuse together and become helium ions. 
In the process of fusing, a little of their 
mass is converted into energy. The 
amount of energy released is enormous. 
Е = mæ, that great tonic chord of physi 
cal reality that Einstein struck so long 
ago, looks the soul of innocence until you 
spell out the numbers: Energy in ergs 
equals mass in grams multiplied by the 
square of the speed of light in centime- 
ters per second. But the square of the 
speed of light in centimeters per second 
is 900,000,000,000,000,000,000. One gram 
of matter converted. entirely into ener- 
By becomes 900 billion billion ergs. An 
erg isn't much; 9 x 10% ergs is one hell 
of a lot. 

Nuclear fusion on a modest scale was 
first accomplished on earth in 1959, 
when the United States set off a 2I-ton 
monstrosity called Mike I on Elugelab, 
Eniwetok, in the South Pacific. The re- 
sulting explosion vaporized all 21 tons of 
Mike I and replaced Elugelab, a little 
strip of coral, with a hole a mile wide 
d 175 feet deep. Even before the Unit- 
ed States developed the bomb that was 


called the Super in those early days and 
is called the hydrogen bomb today, some 
of the leading scientists at Los Alamos— 


men such as Enrico Fermi, Edward Tel- 
ler, James Tuck—were tossing around 
ideas for a controlled-fusion machine. 
(Fuck, an Englishman, midnight-requi- 
sitioned some funds for the work from a 
program at MIT that was housed in the 
Hood Building; Tuck's boss suggested 
that Tuck was robbing Hood; the secret 
program to solve the world’s energy 
needs forever was therefore named Proj- 
ect Sherwood. Physicists are celebrated 
for their wit, not their sense of humor.) 
Controlled fusion never looked easy, 
but in those early days it at least looked 
straightforward. Mike Т, like all hydro- 
gen bombs so far needed an atomic 
bomb to set it off. That's how its inven- 
tors got the millions of degrees they 
needed for fusion. Controlled fusion has 
to work without an ator 
to work within some kind of container, 


but the plasma in which the fusion reac 
tions take place cannot touch the walls 
of the container. Science writers like to 
say that the plasma can't touch the walls 
of the container because it would melt 
them. That isn't true. To be confinable 
at all, the plasmas used in controlled fu- 
sion must be kept at very low density — 
100,000 times lower than the density of 
the air we breathe. One one-hundred- 
thousandth atmospheric pressure is con- 
idered a pretty good vacuum in other 
lines of work. 

So the plasma is the merest puff of 

gas, and at such low density it imme- 
diately cools off when it touches some. 
thing solid. Fifty million degrees sounds 
like the ultimate conflagration, but you 
could stick your gold-plated Cross pen 
into a thermonuclear plasma and very 
little would happen to it. It might pit 
а little and it would radiate soft X rays 
like crazy, but the main thing it would 
do is make a cold hole in the plasma. A 
thermonuclear plasma gives off heat not 
in the usual sense we think of heat, heat 
we can feel, heat that burns us, 
rather heat as energetic particles and fast 
neutrons, and those in turn can be used 
to make "real" heat that can turn tui 
bines and generate electricity. 
It seemed to those early explorers— 
1d they had their brilliant counterparts 
the Soviet Union, though neither side 
knew about the other yet, because the 
whole subject was top secret—that they 
had only to figure out a way to confine 
a plasma without allowing it to touch 
anything solid, and then to heat it up to 
thermonuclear temperatures, and then 
to keep it there long enough for the fu- 
sion reactions to build up to the point 
where they became self-sustaining, and 
that would be it. They thought they'd 
have a working reactor on the near side 
of 20 years. I don't mean to suggest that 
they were naive, though on the face of it, 
it appears that they were, but only to 
suggest what was in fact true, that no 
one knew much about plasma physics 
in those days—despite the fact that the 
universe is almost all plasma. (Solids, 
liquids and gases are nearly as rare with- 
in its vast confines as human beings, 
who are composed of all du and no 
plasma at all, except briefly, when hit by 
lightning.) 

Confinement was the most difficult of 
all the problems, and still is, though 
physicists now think they've nearly got it 
licked. Plasma, since it conducts electri 
ity, is affected by magnetic fields just as 
metals are. It seemed reasonable, then, 
that a plasma could be confined within 
а magnetic field. The first experimental 
devices were simply tubes wrapped 
with coils of wire. When electricity 
was sent through the coils, it produced 

(continued on page 142) 


but 


come созк. Closer. Lean over me. Put your ear to my 
mouth. I'm not strong; I think I'm dying; I can barely 
speak. Listen carefully. At the end of this street, at the 
corner, on the east side, there's a small white house with 
a green roof, A brick path leads to the door. Snapdragons 
are planted along the path. You can't miss it, There's a 
wreath on the door—it's old and blackened and looks 
like an emblem of death, but don't be put off by that, 
it's just an old Christmas wreath, hung there many 
کچ‎ years ago and never taken down. No meaning to that, 
а just laziness, apathy, inertia. The door is unlocked. 
Goin. The house is unoccupied. Nobody home. You'll 
see a stairway leading to (concluded on page 249) 


à a! 


—. 
à 


» BY RAY RUSSELL 
‘want to be god? then find 
Wisman before it's too late 


140 


NOW PLAYING IN YOUR DINING ROOM! 


ОР 19741 


all mouth-watering! all satisfying! all filling! soup аз а meal! 


Jood By GEORGE BRADSHAW 


SOUP—THE SPECTACULAR, full-bodied, thisisall-you're-going-toget, 
meal.in.itself soup—seems to have fallen on meager times. It appears 
to have been taken over by those gray-humored souls who make hand- 
woven neckties and plant beans by astrology. The rest of us are lucky 
to get something out of a can—flavored with the carcass of an alien 
tomato and redolent with the savors cooked up in a test tube. It is 
as if the right people had said nuts to soup. A grave mistake. 
Consider: There are really very few things to eat. The meats 
we commonly use can be counted on one hand, the fowl on another. 
And there aren't many vegetables (peas (continued on page 208) 


ILLUSTRATION BY TIM CLARK 


PLAYBOY 


142 plied, 


TRIS 
(G9»SIBIS FX 
magneticfield lines running the length 
of the tube, The electrons and ions of the 
plasma inside then aligned themselves 
along the field lines. Both electrons and 
ions move freely along magnetic lines of 
force. Left alone, the particles would 
have spun along the lines of force until 
they bumped into the ends of the tube 
and quenched out; but to forestall that 
result, the experimenters had added a 
few more turns of wire at the ends. 
Thus, the particles, as they approached 
the ends, faced a more powerful magnet- 
ic field than the field in the middle, and 
it turned most of them around, Thi: 
kind of confinement device, which is 
called a magnetic mirror system, is still 
being studied at the Atomic Energy 
Commission's laboratory іп Livermore, 
California, and it still shows promise of 
eventually producing a practical fusion 
reactor, though probably in the longer 
run rather than the shorter. 

‘The mirror system didn't work as well 
as its inventors expected. As the plasma 
heated up, it wouldn't hold still It 
kinked, it buckled, it bent, it shaped it- 
self into fluted columns, and inevitably 
it broke loose, hit the walls of the tube 
and quenched out. But the major prob- 
lem of mirror systems was leakage out 
the ends. Physicists hoped that such in- 
stabilities were unique to the mirror 
system, and some of them turned to 
other approaches. The lab at Pr 
University, for example, designed a ma. 
chine that had no ends, a hollow figure 
eight that was grandly named the stel- 
larator, the star generator. But in 1954, 
at one of the frequent meetings of the 
Sherwood scientists, Teller, the iras- 
cible Hungarian who is credited. with 
having invented the hydrogen bomb, ar- 
gued chillingly that all the devices then 
being experimented with would also 
develop insta 
another, and the physicists gloomily left 
the meeting more than a little sure that 
Teller was right; and after rechecking 
their previous results and running more 
experiments, they saw that he was. ‘The 
Fifties weren't the best years for fusion 
research, nor the early Sixties, either. 
Graduate students began looking the 
other way. Only lately have they begun 
turning to plasma physics agai 

But at least one crucial step was taken, 
in 1958, without which the program 
might be foundering still. Sherwood had 
been classified top secret because it was 
obvious that a fusion reactor would pro- 
duce vast numbers of neutrons, neutrons 
that could be used, for example, to make 
plutonium for atomic bombs. In the late 
Forties, when the classification was ар. 
there weren't many nuclear 


ıceton 


(continued from page 138) 


reactors around and neutrons were hard 
to Bet So rather than show other 
countries how they might make neutrons 
through controlled fusion—we were op- 
timistic in those days, remember, that fu 
sion was just around the cornei—we 
kept our work secret. By the mid-Fifties, 
after the Soviets рог the H-bomb, it 
was obvious that there were neutrons 
aplenty, n research was stalled, 
and physicists from other countries, most 

ularly from the Soviet Union, were 
g to talk about fusion at inter- 
1 meetings, and the secret was 
ely out. So in May 1958, after 


considerable prodding from Congress, 
the 


AEC declassified Sherwood, and 
s, among others, 
began talking to one another. 

By that time, American physicists had 
devised a remarkable collection of ingen- 
ious devices designed to confine and 
heat plasmas by squeezing them, pinch- 
ing them, wrapping them in clouds of 
high-energy electrons, shooting them 


Пот ion guns, you name it. The results 


were uniformly abysmal, though the 
formation was often useful and the ex- 
perimental and theoretical knowledge of 
a physics that had been so lacking 
before was be; g to accumulate. 
‘The original breezy optimism, however, 
was gone. The men in the ficld today, 
wiser with the passage of years, describe 
controlled thermonuclear fusion as the 
flicult problem of general scien- 
tific interest in the history of physics. 
"They're not exaggerating 

While United States scientists worked 
with their many devices, scientists in the 
Soviet Union were concentrating most 
of their attention on one particular kind 
of machine. Its conception and creation 
are credited to two brilliant Russian 
physicists, Andrei Sakharov and 
Artsimovich. The Russian machi 
which Artsimovich announced to the 
world in 1965, was called the Tokamak. 
The word is generic now: Machines of the 
Russian type are called tokamaks, accent 
on the tok. Like the Princeton machine, 
the tokamak solves the problem of end 
loss by having no ends. It is shaped like a 
large hollow doughnut, a geometric form 
lled a torus. In a tokamak, the magnetic 
lines of force spiral around the toroidal 
chamber in helical paths like the stripes 
on a barber pole and the particles ride 
along, finding no ends from which to 
escape. 
n important feature of the tokamak 
из technique for heating the plasma. 
her than heating by squeczing, or 
heating by the injection of hotter par 
ticles, 
were attempting, the Russians decided 
to let the plasma heat itself. Since plasma 


is some of the American machines 


conducts electricity, they induced а cur- 
теш into the doughnut-shaped ring of 
plasma and the current, encountering 
resistance just as current in the wires of 
2 toaster encounters resistance, generated 
heat. The Russian tokamak made the 
first major breakthrough in confinement 
time—in holding the plasma steady for 
longer than the briefest fraction of a frac 
tion of a second—and it heated the 
plasma to better than 10,000,000 degrees, 
far hotter than anyone had achieved up 
to that time, though not nearly hot 
enough for fusion. 


ng from the So- 
viet Union, not many physicists believed 
the Russian results. The logic of the 
skepticism, says one American physicist 
who remembers it well, was, “Hell, our 
don't work, why the hell should 
Many American scientists were 
skeptical of the quality of the Russian 
measurements, particularly their measure- 
ments of the plasma temperatures they 
claimed to have achieved. 

Since any but the most minute solid 
probes stuck into а plasma disturb it, it 
can't be measured directly. Measure- 
ments have to be made by capturing 
what comes out of the plasma or by 
shooting various kinds of radiation i 
Today, as in 1965, experimenters mea 
ure the neutrons coming out of the plas- 
ma, the X rays, the light, the magnetic 
field, the microwaves. The most accurate 
method of measuring the temperature 
happens to be by bouncing laser light 
off the plasma and secing how it scatters. 
And in 1965, the Russians weren't up on 
lasers. 

Princeton therefore proceeded to tink- 
er with its stellarator, Oak Ridge and 
Livermore with their mirrors, Los Ala- 
mos with its pinches. Then, in 1968, a 
team of British physicists went to the So- 
viet Union for six months to seitle the 
issue once and for all, taking along their 
own lasers and thousands of pounds of 
gear, since the Soviets are not famous for 
their ability to deliver spare parts on 
short notice. The British report came 
through: The Russians were right. Oak 
Ridge converted from mirrors to toka- 
maks. Princeton dismantled its stellara 
tor and in nine months rebuilt it as a 
tokamak. From 1969 on, the tokamak 
has been the leading contender to be. 
come the first practical, working fusio 
reactor. “The Rus: says Dr. Mi- 
chacl Roberts of Oak Ridge, who went 
over to sce the Russian machine in 1968, 
"were very pleasant, helpful, tolerant, 
because people from all over the world 
asked the same questions over and over. 
‘They wouldn't read the scientific papers, 
they had to ask the source—tell me, tell 
me, tell me, too! We were like flies 
around those guys all day long. They 
were very tolera 

(continued on page 177) 


HECO ECÊ 


IN 


perverter of youth! reading matter from the devil's bookshelf! is one 
moment of lust worth a lifetime of doldrums? wake up, america! 


humor By Jim Siegelman 


Do vou CoNDONE moral depravity? Does 
your child frequent cheesecake dens? Is 
your fly open? Obscenity is everyone's 
problem 

"It was the cheesecake made me do it.” 
writes а low-grade civil servant. "I looked 
at them pictures and rubbed up against 
them and then I just went crazy and 
gum in my hair. Cancel 


o doubt about it.” says a guilt 
ridden businessman. “If 1 hadn't read 
that dirty novel, | never would have 
boiled the canary.” 

How many times have you heard a 
close friend or relative make a similar ad- 
mission? Yet, until recently, confessions 
like these were greeted with skepticism 


by respected members of the scientific 
community. Now new studies confirm 
the hypothesis that the mental fiber of 
the country is being undermined by a 
deluge of vile and filthy books, pictures 
and other pornographic materials. Dur- 
ing the past year, countless cases of psy- 
chotic and irrational behavior have been 
directly linked to cheesecake abuse. 

+ In Tennessee, a 15-year-old pornog- 
aphy addict was sentenced to five years 
in prison for eating part of the Memphis 
City Hall. 

* In Denver, two dozen members of a 
local cheesecake sect have vowed to walk 
backward until the ycar 2000. 

* In Spokane, a prominent young at- 
torney has filed an obscenity suit against. 
a fish. 

A raging river of lust and perversion 


ILLUSTRATION BY BASIL WOLVERTON 


has flooded the country and now threat- 
ens to drown our national psyche. The 
Supreme Court has made a weak attempt 
to assuage the wrath of the vast majority 
of decent Americans who have been 
olfended by the present torrent of cheese 
cake. but it is unlikely that the ripht- 
thinking public will tolerate this spiritual 
poisoning much longer. 

Did you know: 

That in America today there is a 
serious shortage of topless electroshock 
therapists? 

Or that Los Angeles hosts a chain of 
fast-food V. Р. 2 

Or that at oncestaid New England ski 
resorts, Saint Bernards take Spanish fly 
to nche victims and accept Bank- 
Amcericardz 

Or that a 


(continued on page 228) 143 


44 


9/4 


like america itself, erotica onscreen seems to be weathering a period of cover-up and recession 


article By ARTHUR KNIGHT ır THAT orp saw about actions speaking louder than words has any merit, the Mrs. 
Grundys of America—the pressure groups, legislators, judges and district attorneys who have been busily trying to 
enforce what they thought were local standards of taste in films—were sadly out of touch with their constituents in 
1974. A sort of double standard seems to permeate our society—perhaps emanating from the top, where a President 
mouthed sanctimonious platitudes in public and conducted expletive ridden vendettas in private. Never before had an 
American President concerned himself so directly—and vocally—with morality in the media, primarily as represented 
by films, television and the press, while practicing a personal morality very much his own. Nixon's "stop-thesmut" lead 
was assiduously followed up by the Congress, the Supreme Court, the FBI, the Postal Service, various state govern- 
ments and, on the local level, by extraordinarily repressive police actions. In the wake of the June 1973 Supreme Court 
decisions advocating Шу defined “community standards” as the basis for prosecution of obscene or pornographic mov- 
ies, no fewer than 37 states, in 250 separate bills, undertook to establish just what those standards might be. Without 
even waiting Гог such clarification, police crackdowns escalated dramatically. In Fort Worth, Texas, a zealous district 
attorney, contending that theater seats were accessories to a crime if people sat in them to watch an X-rated movie, 
ordered that the seats—along with the projectors and the film—be ripped out and held as evidence. The film, of 
course, was Deep Throat. 

And thereby hangs the paradox. The best test for determining whether the citizens of a community deem any 
product—be it soap flakes, breakfast cereal or cinema—acceptable or unacceptable is whether or not they're willing to 
lay out their cash for it. According to Variety's annual listing of American movie grosses, Deep Throat’s estimated 
take from the ticket-buying public in something over one year was in excess of $4,000,000. That’s an educated guess— 
probably on the low side, since, as Variety notes, “Porno distribs are plain nervous about providing an exact account- 
ing in the wake of the Deep Throat conviction in New York, where the fine imposed was based on a multiple of the 
estimated profits.” Somebody, somewhere, obviously wanted to sce Deep Throat—enough somebodies, in fact, to make 
it one of the most profitable releases in recent years, considering its low production (text continued on page 166) 


ite vigilante censors, famous flesh is still visible at the movies. Sean Connery communes with 
Clint Eastwood has problems with pickup June Fairchild in “Thunderbolt 


and Lightfoot” (lop left); Linda Lovelace is menaced—at her most vulnerable spot—by Russian spy Cris Jordan in “Deep 
"Gold" (center left), and Al Pacino and Cornelia Sharpe ©) 


NAMES IN THE NUDE: Des 
seeress Sally Ann Newton in “Zardoz” (opposite 


Throat II” (top right); Roger Moore and Susannah York, in 
rpico” (center right) share toasts—and tubs; Ursula Andress falls for robber Fabio Testi in “Last Chance for a Вот Loser’ 


(above left); and Patti D'Arbanville and Jeff Bridges make themselves al home on the range in “Rancho Deluxe” (above right 


SHOCK TREATMENT: Women screamed, strong men fainted апа at least one couple checked into a psycho ward after seeing 
Linda Blair's performance as a demoniacally possessed 12-year-old in “The Exorcist"—but with each new horror story, box. 
office lines grew longer. Despite such graphic scenes as the one above, “Exorcist” got an R rating. Three-dimensional gore in 


the X-rated “Andy Warhol's Frankenstein" (below) prompted one critic to suggest issuing barf bags at the door along with 
the 3-1) glasses. Frankenstein (Udo Kier), helped by assistant Otto (Arno Juerging), creates two monsters (Dalila Di Lazzaro and 
Srdjan Zelenovic); but before he can bring them to life, he's overcome by an urge to ball the female—in the gall bladder 


SHE LOVES ME, SHE LOVES МЕ NOT: The distinction between willing and unwilling sex was perhaps nowhere better ex- 


emplified than in these two sequences, from “Don’t Look Now” (below left) and “Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia" (be- 
low sight). The former, in a tense psychological thriller starring Julie Christie and Donald Sutherland as a husband and wife 
beset by past tragedy and present forebodings, is overwhelmingly sensual and erotic in its participants’ deeply felt enjoyment 
of the sex act. The latter, with Kris Kristofferson as a motorcycle tough assaulting at knife point a down-on-her-luck whore 
(played by top Mexican actress Isela Vega, featured in the July ruaynoy), is standard $ 


m Peckinpah rough em-up stuff. 


with Charlotte Rampling (top left) and two Ётепсһ-Пайап releases, " Toute une Vie 


(left) and “The Godson” (above)—serve up a heady brew of sadism and horsing 
around. Charlotte ts forced to dance tn a Nazi concentration camp; the feathered 
friends in “Une Vie" ride herd on storm troopers in a porno film within a film; 
and the sexpots of “Godson” entice British politicos into a Profumo-type scandal. 


aiming a phallic arrow at 
Laine Rocchi (above); masked rapist Peter Brown going after Lisa 
Moore with a pair of scissors in “Act of Vengeance” (top right); and 
а courtesan in “La Bonzesse" (bottom right) who obviously never 
learned that song about never smiling at a crocodile, even a client. 


DOWN, BOYS! Ladies on 
the offensive: In “Moon 
shine Girls” (right), Pat 
Waid as а coproprie- 
tress of Elbow Bend, Ken 
tuckys, chief industry—a 
still—takesrevenooer John 
Bates's mind off his job 
“The Sex Thief's" insur 
ance investigator, Diane 
Keen, gives cat-and-pussy 
burglar David Warbeck a 
laste of his own medicine. 
And Adriana Asti shows 
Giancarlo Giannini, the tit- 
ular “Hot-Blooded Раи! 

how she trampled Il Duce. 


TOPPLED TABOOS: A publicity release for Dusan Makave- 
jev's “Sweet Movie" ironically describes the scene in which 
‘Anna Prucnal plays with little boys (below) as “stronger than 
“Snow White Diary of a Cloistered Nun” (below right), with 
Giuliana Colandra, Eleanora Giorgi and Suzy Kendall, is just as 
far a cry from Audrey Hepburn's antiseptic “The Nun's Story.” 


MIXED MENAGES: “The African Deal” offers a screenful of interracial groping 
between Calvin Lockhart and Janti Somer (left) to complicate a plot about 
corrupt businessmen's efforts to manipulate the national resources of an em 

ing nation that bears a distinct resemblance to Ghana. Moving north, we find 
three's no crowd in “1001 Danish Delights” (above), wherein students at a school 
for layward girls get ready to relieve a wealthy young man of his virginity 


NI 


\ \ 


А Д ШУ 


TRES CAY: Homosexual relationships are handled lyrically 
in "A Very Natural Thing" (above), with Robert Joel, left, as 
an ex monk who moves in with Curt Gareth; and morbidly 
in Alain Robbe-Grill issements Progressifs du Plaisir, 

which is chock-full of blood and fetishism. At right, lawyer 
Olga Georges-Picot handles her pretty client, Anicee Alvina. 


PHOTO PLAYS: That old saw about one picture's being worth a thousand words returns їп new guise in “Turkish Delight” 
(below left) and “How to Seduce a Woman" (below right). Rutger Hauer, the horny hero of "Delight"—a ribald Dutch version 
of “Love Story"—is temporarily abandoned by his wife (Monique Van de Ven) and reduced to giving himself а hand, with 
the aid of her photographic likeness on the wall. Posing аз а cameraman is but one of the imaginalive techniques devised 
by Angus Duncan to lure five attractive females (among them Alexandra Hay, who was the subject of a February PLAYBOY 
pictorial, here portraying the sexy proprietress of an art museum) into chasing him to the couch of his bachelor apartment. 


NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS: Two poignant stories about sailors ashore, each based on a novel by Darryl Ponicsan, scored power- 
fully in their screen adaptations. "The Last Detail” (below left) won Oscar nominations for both Randy Quaid, playing a 
luckless gob en route to the Portsmouth, New Hampshire, naval prison—here getting his very first lay, from a sympathetic 
hooker (Carol Kane)—and for one of his Shore Patrol keepers, Jack Nicholson. "Cinderella Liberty” (below right) made 
Marsha Mason an Academy Award nominee for her performance as a neurotically self destructive Seattle B girl who is bedded, 
then wed by yet another goodhearted bluejacket, James Caan—only to desert both him and her illegitimate mulatto son 


CARTOON STRIPS: As 
tronauts take a fiying fuck 
in “The Nine Lives of 
Fritz the Cat" (above), 
Steve Krantz’s R-rated se- 
quel to that randy revolu- 
tionary’s earlier X-ploits. 
From Brothers Grimm 
country —Germany— 
comes "Grimys Tales” 
(left, with Sleeping Beau- 
tys Never-Ready King 
hopping aboard his Ever- 
Ready Queen). New from 
Ralph Bakshi is “Coon 
Skin"; below, a dude hop- 
ing to score with Muss 
America is about lo gel 
knocked out of the box 
Ьу a concealed. weapon 


e Е » 

ттүү; ANE 
P Т vex 
COMIC RELIEF: There's time out for laughter even in such 
serious fare as “Mahler” (left, with Georgina Hale in a 
black-humor nightmare); “Newman's Law” (above left, with 
cop George Peppard questioning nude model Pat Ander- 
son); or “The Gambler” (above center), in which Lauren 
Hutton helps James Caan forget his troubles with juice-loan 
racketeers. Funny throughout were (clockwise from top 
right) Mel Brooks's “Blazing Saddles,” with the director as 
Governor Lepetomane addressing an aside to secretary Robyn 
Hilton’s commodious cleavage while ignoring the machi- 
nations of his unscrupulous aide Hedley Lamarr (Harvey 
Korman); “Alfredo, Alfredo,” wherein Dustin Hoffman is 
mortified by wife Stefania Sandrelli's shrieks at the moment 
of climax; Woody Allen’s “Sleeper,” set in a 22nd Century 
society that mechanizes sexual release (via an Orgasmatron, 
from which a shaken Woody, who tried to use it as a hide- 
ош, is rousted by guards); another futuristic fantasy, "2076 
Olympiad,” featuring TV commentators Jeff Muldew and 
Sheila Kern giving a foreplay-by-play account of Kama Sutra 
events; and “The Three Musketeers,” with Simon Ward 
as England's Duke of Buckingham undoing—and being 
undone by—a perfidious Milady de Winter (Faye Dunaway). 


BOTTOMS UP: Proving his initial impact in “The Last Picture Show” 
was no fluke, Timothy Bottoms now ranks among the holtest young male 
stars. With Lindsay Wagner in "The Paper Chase" (left), he struggles to 
make it within the system at Harvard Law School. As a shellshocked Viet 
nam vet wooing Barbara Seagull in “The Crazy World of Julius Vrooder" 
(above), he’s opted out of society altogether, going—literally—underground. 


| 


THOSE WERE THE DAYS: Nostalgia reigns 
supreme: Jan-Michael Vincent and Joan Good- 
fellow in “Buster and Billie” (below) swing into 
the ole swimmin’ hole. Robert Redford and Bar- 
bra Streisand suffer through three decades in 
"The Way We Were"; if you wonder how any 
girl could be bored in the situation at right, it's 
because Bob's half asleep. In "The Great Gatsby,” 
Redford (below right) lusts for Mia Farrow. 


ORGY, ANYONE? Due for 
December release—and a 
probable R rating—is “The 
Wild Рату” a Holly- 
wood period piece billed 
as a “musicalized comedy- 
drama.” James Coco stars 
as Jolly Grimm, a silent- 
movie actor not unlike 
Fatty Arbuckle, and a 
blonde Raquel Welch (look- 
ing like Mary Pickford, of 
all people) plays his mi 

tress, Queenie, an ex-vaude- 
ville hoofer. (She sings. She 
dances.) The story ends in 
tragedy when Jolly, sensing 
that his career is slipping, 
invites half the producers, 
actors and extras in the 
film colony to a shindig at 
which he plans to preview 
his new film, and things— 
as can be seen here— 
get decidedly out of hand. 


THE VARGAS GIRL 


‘sassuj3 Кш uo 1nd 7 әлојәд 


«Mos pa400] Buryjtuana 


—итршт $1], 


the last (rui 


ONCE THERE Was а sultan who was exceed- 
ingly fond of his jester and wished to re- 
ward him in some pleasant way for all his 
good japes and sayings. So one day the 
Sultan said. “Coelebs. I shall find a pretty 
id marry her to thee.” 
d Coelebs. “it is my role 
to jest, not yours! A pretty wile is like 
orchard without a wall, a jewel box with- 
out а lock, а fornicatress when you hap 
pen to step out and an adultréss when 
you happen to doze.” 

"Ehe sultan secretly enjoyed this horror 
tof his down, and so he said, 
t is time thou learned the true 
joys of 1 swear that thou shalt 
have an honest wife. And if she be not so 
for so I shall decree a terrible 
ришип 

"It is well, the 
age.” said the jester. 
The suhan's vizier, as all at 
greed. produced a young woman of ex 
ceptional beauty. She was as sweet as а 
melon and as sinuous as а vine. Coclebs 
voaned when he first gazed on her sup- 
ple form, Bur alter the wedding, all went 
well for a few weeks. 

Now, it so happ 
four men in the town- 
terons fellows all of thc 


atest king of the 


court 


ned that there were 
stout, loud, bois- 
-who had been 


panions and hot suitors after 
the past. None had been able 
simply because the others 
kept such a shrewd watch. 

It was the duty of the jester to 
the sultan daily at dawn. pray 
was not long before cach of the would-be 
lovers learned of this and decided. 
pendently, to profit by it 

As soon as the jester had gone forth 
one morning, there came а knock at the 
door amd the first suitor, a pieman. 
stepped. in. The wife embraced him 
warmly for old times’ sake. He said iu a 


close con 


reat, jolly voice. "I was worki the 
market this morning early and Г discov- 
cred that I had а great surplus of mince- 


meat, very spicy, very tasty. Апа so 1 
stid to myself, ‘Where shall I find a deli- 
сие pie to stall with this fine mince- 
meag'—and that is when I was reminded 


of you, my love 
The wife nearly swooned at this 
Tanny, but, before she could demonstrate 
ler feelings. there came another sharp 
apping on the door. “Quickly,” she s; 
go into that narrow little 
there and sit on the ben 


ve 


a 
And who came paradir 
the house then but ıl 
the second suitor. са great bunch 
ol sweetsmelling herbs. “By Allah." he 
declared, “I was nightgarhering in my 
garden aud it came to me— Where is а 
fine bit of Mesh rnish with these ten- 
der. sweeiscented herbs?” And so I sud- 
dently had you in mind ıd" 

There came the sound of a heavy fist on 


his belly into. 
fat herb dealer. 


g 


IJ? from The Arabian Nights 


the door and the wife said hurriedly. "Go 
into yonder room and sit upon the bench 
and be quic. 

The herb dealer went in to hide and 
found the picman there before hi 
“Well, look wh said the herb 
dea he sat himself gloomily down 

Then, when the woman opened the 
house door, over the threshold came a 
bold butcher, crying, “I arose belore first 
ht and slaughtered a stout ram; then, 
s I butchered it, I had a notion. I 
thought o£. puting а fine piece of mut 

i in my love's mouth and. of course, 1 
came to you at once. 

Quick. quick.” said rhe wife as an- 
other knock sounded on the door. 

When the butcher came upon his two 
friends in the hiding place, he made a 
grudging salaam and asked, "What are 
you fools doing here?" 

“Just what you are doi 


they re 


псе 


threw open the door 
and found her fourth friend. the 


explaining that he had been getting 


ready for band practice when he had а vi 
sion of а more delicate inst tand 
some of the umes he might play on it. 
There was another knock at the door 
“Ah.” sighed the woman. "there is uo 
body left but my husband." And so it 


D 


As he explained his carly return. the 
three suitors squeezed together on the lit 
tle bench to make room for the fourth. 

When it finally became too stilling 
ind uncomfortable in the storeroom, the 
picman said, “I can endure this no long. 
сг. T am going to try a device to escape. 
Thercat, he arose and began sticking 
pieces of mincemeat all over his skin 
until he looked like a leper covered with 
sore 

Then he opened the door with а gr 
thud and, weading solemnly, announced, 
“Behold the prophet Job. the ulcered! 
Show me the way out of this pla 
tounded, the jester bowed and opened the 
т door. 
Next emerged the herb dealer. all gar 
shed with greens until he looked 
walking salad. “The peace be 
you!” he cried. “Hath Job, the ulcered. 
passed this way? I am AÌ-Khizr, the green 
prophet.” And so saying, he departed. 

Then came the butcher. quite camou- 
llaged by the ramskin and horns and 
crawling on all fours as he bellowed, “1 
am Iskander, lord of the two horns, and 
I seek Job, the ulcered, and AL-Khizr. the 
green prophet. 

“Peace be upon thee.” said the bewil 
dered jester. “They went that way 

Following the ram appeared one pro- 
iming himself Israfil. the archangel 
whose office it was to blow the Tast trump 
for Judgment Day. “The time has come! 
The time has come!” he roared. 


Ribald Cl 


lassic 


Whereupon, the jester fell upon Israfil 
with great fierceness and, after a terrible 
struggle, succeeded in binding his hands 
and bringing him before the sultan. “I 
have captured the angel Israfil,” panted 
the clown. “And in the wick of time, too. 
lord. He was just about to blow his 
mpet and finish us all off.” 

How so? Tell me more.” demanded 
the sultan. 

“Well, that wife you furnished me 
with,” said the jester. "I returned to 
my house and caught her enjoying her- 
self with three prophets—and then came 
this archangel with his wild notion.” 

"Thou art jinn-mad,” said the sultan 
“This man is the chief of my pipers and 
no one, not even his mother, has ever re- 
garded him as an angel. Piper, come, do 
you want your head cut oll or do you 
want а grant of clemency for describing 
the whole affair without ly 

On the loor, his face in the dust, the 
piper begged to relate all without Lying. 

When he had done so. the sult 
of his chamberlains to fetch the 
herb dealer, the pieman and the butcher. 
Fo the jester, the sulan said, 
curse all womankind! Thon w 
right when thou named them aduhiresses 
and foi 

The four culprits now 1 
hauled before him. the sultan passed sen- 


som 


иїсїїгеззез.” 


ig been 


tence: Except for the piper. all should be 
Gstrated. To the jester he granted 
speedy divorce 

—Retold by Jonah Craig 


ü 157 


т 


PLAYBO 


158 


DY fal 
(GA IRD ENA (continued from page 114) 


ibbons of light. Without waiting for the 
It. 1 leaned back in my 
d the dealer. 

She was as pale as the precious stone 
she wore, yet it was а paleness that be- 
trayed по fragility. As it matched the 
diamond's huc, so it seemed also to share 
its hardness, its mineral durability, + 
the features of her face were perfectly cut 
acets, exquisite shadings that betrayed по 
laws or feelings beneath their 
whiteness. In this sculptured light there 
was, as in the stone itself, a delicate blue 
eyes that caused. this 
subtle coloration were exquisitely empty. 
their beauty that of immaculate design 
and pure function. Her hair was Haxen. 
sho k like a boy's, as il 
Keep its softness from flourishing. She s: 
erect and perfectly contained in her ch: 

ı of cold purity upon a 


throne, an. Avernal queen. 
rdena, the town sprinkled about a 
web of California highways, may not be 


the lower realm, but it comes as close to 
a repository for exhausted as amy 
community Гуе | п or wandered 
through. By day, one might pass by all ol 
its landmarks—gas stations, motels, su 
permarkets. churches, schools—and not 
realize that thing so communal as a 
town existed within Gardena’s city lim- 
j. All the old white frame houses, all 
the gaudy stucco of fresh suburban archi- 
tecture would seem, at noon, at a speed 
of 55 miles an hour, more than a 
adside blur 
becomes lost in a traveler's meme 
vong billboards. drive-ins, diners, 
markets, car lots and other weather. 


diversion, a 


worn bits of commerce that depend on 
the monotony of hi 


way di for 


more, really, than a chaotic neon deco- 
vation about the beads of light that 
mournfully mark the roads and through- 
ways, making both darkness and distance 
more forbidding than they would other- 
wise be were there no tiny white points 
hy which to measure their 
Moving onward, from dot to dot, one 
speeds by or through Gardena with only 
bits of blinking orange, red or green, 
ches here and there. of. commercial 
ts to leave the fo 
flight could 


vastness. 


s 
colors, as enticeme 
line paths that a mind 
believe run on [orev 

Although Gardena is 
for gambling, the gamb 


town 
g is not that of 


famous 


great sums and pure chance. The ошу 
game officially allowed within its city 
limits (except for а rummylike game 
called panguingue, or pan, recently 
legalized) is poker, and then only those 
forms that can be considered variants of 
draw. Years ago, when morality caught 


up with Western expansion, a group of 
Calilornia legislators made playing pok 
in public illegal. However, through hon- 
est oversight, omission or simple igno- 
rance, only the term stud poker was 
incorporated into the statute, а loop- 
hole that the councilmen of Gardena 
took advantage of to create a local ind 
iry. And so, gradually, Gardena became 
the host to those in search of everything 
from a night's diversion to a way of lile. 
To accommodate these desires, the town 
sanctioned the construction of several 


large card emporiu aces 
that, with their res d TV 
lounges. are the t ildings of the 
community. The playing areas are 


marked off by brass rails or wood parti- 
tions, against which lean the recently im- 
poverished. the casual spectator and the 
асе t0 be open at 
nd game of his choice. In 
re is hardly any 
sound, considering the number of people 
present, a disconcerting stillness. Occi- 
sionally а ery of outrage or a moan of 
disappointment becomes distinct, but 
this goes unnoticed and soon dies away. 
ed by the soft, steady drone of 
rdplaying. 

And the playing is. indeed, almost all 
cily established ritual, To keep per- 
sonal tragedy at a minimum, or at least 
use its act and publicity, rules 
and wagering limits have be 
by the overseers of Garder 
that it 
to be flimboyantly decisive in a custom- 
er's life. There is а maximum amount 
that can be bet before the draw and a 
similar limit, generally twice that of the 
fast. that can be made afterward. To he 
sure, there are no restrictions оп the 
number of raises two or more players 
may enga but only drunkards 
those with royal flushes make honest use 
of this option. 

The motel 1 chose gave me а room 
precisely decorated to conform to the de- 
tails that my mind created whenever it 
wished to furnish a setting for loneliness. 
A chair, a chest of drawers, an end table. 
I flaked and рее li 
that were meant to serve unnoticed but 
1 been varnished to provide а bit 
lity for their transitory owners, 
On one wall a mirror, the paint from its 
frame sporting the reflection it 
ast another wall, a large print, a 
scape. gray. with 


poker so 
у impossible [or one hand 


forlorn waves. 
sense of space as closed and confi 
the room it was in. On the floor, like a 
squashed poodle, a scatter rug relieved 
the Hinoleu 
it а brow 
з stove, refrigerato 
immediate v 
guest that there were domestic cust 
to be kept up even in this dwelling. А 
television set, а double bed that vibrated 


discreetly hid 
d cupboard from 
w, as though to remind the 


ns 


when a quarter was put into an appi 
tus attached to the wall behind it, a sin- 
gle window with plain cotton curtains 
translucent enough to let the lights from 
passing cars softly illumine the room 
when one was lying in the dark—these 
completed the furnish 

Often I had told myself th 
live alone in such a 
ness and absolu 
fate preferable and com 
pany th: ious life might provide 
И опе purposely heightened his life 
through gambling, tien such a mournful 
ways a possible result. not 
al but also as а terminus 
сше тө nothing. Still, 
ed myself in such a 
тоот, I shored up my spirit in the s 
way I did against all ideas ofa grim et 
nity. My mind would sustain me, and 
memory and irony would transform а 
poorly furnished solitude, as they would 
vacuous acons, into habitable space. 

The reality, however, had proved 
more formidable than Fd imagined. I 
had been in the room just long enou 
to unpack, deposit the requ 
and stretch out on the quiv 
when 1 was seized by a fit of clarity tl 
precisely presented to me what such soli 


tude and disconnection would be like 
were there no possibility of overcoming 
them. The hum from the bed and the 


the raule from the bath. 
room plumbing had grown louder and 
louder, announcing themselves us the ас 
companiment to the few sounds my life 
would make at night in such а room, 
and as their volume increased, the i 
that came to me in the dar 
the terrors of human limitation, of life 
lived without ornament or diversion, of 
existence reduced to hopeless desire and 
conscious of nothing but its own ending. 
By the 
me. 1 knew that Pd be br 1 
the past whenever Fd told myself that 
nything was supportable if it were the 
result of my having gambled on а sensa- 
tional lile. In less than half an hour of 
Gardena motel time, I had deeply felt 
how much I would miss the gos 
diversions of the world. and so I took 
ck of cards amd began dealing 
ids of poker, preparing for the 
games 1 would have to play in order to 
n first-class passage back to lile. 
тои. il faut de la pa- 
tian poker player named 
d once told me. He had 
speaking of Garde 
tele, the men a 
take the same s 
game, hollow spirits who knit or munch 
sandwiches while folding hand after 
hand, waiting for someone rash enough 
to bet on two small pair or to think tha 
a Mush will stand up to the demands of 
three raises. Beausourire was one of the 
(continued on page 186) 


passing cars. 


“Parmi le 
tience,” а На 
Beausourire h 


bee 


OPEN 
SESAME! 


w York 


THIS хот your basic Ni 

City one-bedroom high-rise apart- 
ment. Oh, it started that way. 

asa small, boxlike. generally 

uninspired structure (barracks is the 

word most frequently used to de- 

scribe this type of accommodation) 

1 one of those Upper East Side 

buildings with uniformed doormen 

and closed-circuit TV in the lobby. 

But Tony Fisher—a Wish realestate 

exec who is into art, sports cars and 

motorcycles (not necessarily in 

that order)—had other And 

he found an interior designer— 

John Saladino—with whom he 

could communicate. The result is a 

beautifully organic pad that appears 

much roomier than its true dimensions. 

"They did it partly by removing 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BILL MARIS 


8 
үт, 


= ja & 2 
The exterior of Tony Fisher’s building (above) sug- 
gests а multiplicity of identical apartments. His, 
though, is different. Each area flows into the next 
at an angle, and it all seems more spacious than it 
really is. But when it comes to luxury—check the 
living room (belowl—what you see is what you get. 


modern living 


anew york bachelor loosens 
up his cramped box-type 
pad by tearing down 
interior walls, tiermg 

the living room and 
stocking the glassed-in 
terrace with greenery 

a few walls and adding a new one 
that runs diagonally from the 

entry to the bedroom (see floor plan 
on page 161). The diagonal 
element is reinforced structurally by 


the terraced living room and visually 
by dark-colored areas on the walls. 


ceiling and floor, Additional interior 
space was gained by enclosing the 
outer terrace: it intoa 


greenhouse. Each arca of the 
apartment now flows into the next: 

ty is emphasized 
ya number of built-in attractions, 
including the bed and the table 
behind it (a sliding door closes off the 
bedroom when privacy is needed) 

the desk, which is part and parcel of 
the bedroom wall; and the double 
terrace in the living room, where the 


floor actu 
seating 
box, 


lly rises to form a table and 
All this “explodes the 

s one guest succinctly put it. Two 
other factors that make Fisher's apart 
ment a one-of-a-kind pad are the 
controlled lighting.—spotlighis and 
louvers, which can create moods on 
nd—and the artwork, which is first 
nd in evidence everywhere: the 

Y lamp by Noguchi; the Albers and 
Fontana. райий 
Nevelson sculpt 
h 
such as the antique rosewood table 
and the mohair carpeting in the living 
room—don't hurt, either. Which prov 
Above: The entry from beyond the galleylike kitchen; to the right is the desk counter, resting that you can have а one-bedroom crib 
against o niche in the bedroom’s ongled wall. Below: The end table is covered with beige wool- — right in Ma 
and-mohair corpeting. An Albers pointing hangs over the lacquered cabinet, which houses something rc 


s: the Léger prints: the 


e etal, Aud the 


dsome materials used throughout— 


ıd turn it into 


e to come home to. 
Fisher's well-stocked bar. The pedestal to the right of the pointing is actually o stereo speaker. — All it takes is time, money—and taste. 


160 


The floor plan shows the nal reorientation of the typical high- 
m, dene partly with structural changes (the broken line: 
shaw wells that were removed) and partly with color (the shaded built in. Belo 


indicate eggplont-colored wedges on Fisher's walls and floor) 


Above: The bed is placed diagonally against the wall; a table at the 
beck of the headboard and the cabinet under the Léger prints are 

Natural light is controlled by louvers, track spotlights 
by dimmers thot con be used to create just the right nocturnal moods 


it’s getting so a 
gentleman ts hard pressed to 
hang on to his virtue 


“You man. Big .. . strong .. . handsome! 
162 Me woman. Little . . . soft . . . smell nice!” us next month, when our efficiency drive is over.” 


"Sorry we couldn't find a position for you, but try 


“Someday I'm going to renounce all this militant 
Р stuff and go back to being a plain, old-fashioned 
“Then I'm gonna pull down your pants and vip off American prick teaser.” 

your shorts with my teeth! Then I’m gonna bite 
your—Hello? Hello? Operator, Гос been cut off!” 


“I suppose to you I'm 
Just another stage-struck kid 
[rom Passaic, New Jersey." 


163 


164 


“Shall I take it off right now or would you like to 


“Blue Cross will hear of this, Ms. Bascomb!” 
“Young lady, is this a proposition?” 


“We don't suggest you'll score by the time the boat 


undress me with your eyes a little first?” leaves Los Angeles; we guarantee it!” 


"Isn't that cute—little Felicia Farwell is 
“Look, being a long-distance runner doesn’t starting to notice boys. 
necessarily indicate that I'm lonely.” 


‘Before I met you, Jocelyn, 
sex seemed so academic.” 


Li 


PLAYBO 


SEX In CIEGO IS ZA. continued from page 144) 


cost of $25,000. Despite this evidence of 
acceptance. no movie has ever before 
been subject to so many prosecutions. 
Which is why its long-delayed sequel, 
Deep Throat 11, was brought out this year 
из a soft-core feature with, believe it or 
ot, an R rating: lots of suggestion, no 
ction. Deep Throat I1 died at the box 
office, Linda Lovelace notwitlistand 
The public knew what it wanted, and it 
was Lovelace as a fellatrice, not as а 
la EIC actress. 

roots example of the cultural 
chasm between what the more pi 
cal of American society says the public 
wants and what that same public actu: 


supports with its pocketbook is provided 
by the case of Al Woodra 
June of 1973, Woodrask 
bankrupt the: 


Back in 
took ove 
er in the small tow 
Woodraska wanted to run 
Пулуре pictures—the 
aces profesed io  prefer—i 
In his first nine months of op 
ion, Woodraska booked but one X-rated 
Last Tango in Paris. Wt was his 
only money-maker. Rather than make а 
switch to stronger fare, Woodraska ap- 
pealed to the area's churchmen for help. 
and they cooperated with pulpit endorse- 
ments. Wood booked such films as 
The New Land and Gospel Road, only 
: er betw 
sistent. Gospel Road, W 
а reported, attracted a total aud 
three ministers and their 


sparse 
odras- 


nce of 
one 


families, 


tantly, Woodraska last Ap 
а policy of runing one X-rated movie a 
month. at to lose my shirt, 
t last report, he 
the X-rated fare is putting his op- 
on comfortably into the black, with 
ng about double tli 
ated PG or R. 

For the dea 
between publ 
tice, though, on 


из and pra 
need look no further 
mber-one box-office 
orcist. Released in the list 
. it has been playing to 
S.R.O. houses ever since, and has prob. 
ably been the topic of more talk shows, 
vine think pieces and cocktail con- 
film in the past 


smash, The E 
days of 197 


ade. Oj 


X. Many have found it pornogr 
en dedaring it would hasten the de 
dine of the West. Or, as Beverly Hills 
st Ralph R. Greenson put it 
"The Exorcist | 
corroded values and ideals. In the di 
| had more trust in our Gow 
ment, our friends and ourselves, The 
vorcist would have been a bad joke. 
Today it is a dange 
But even though the “danger” has been 
carefully pointed out—even though au- 


166 diences know they will hear foul Ian- 


guage, that they will see blood and vomit 
and witness a young child masturbating 
with a crucifix, even though they know 
that the picture has made some people ill 
and caused others to faint—still the 
crowds continue to come. Why? No 
small part of it, we suspect, 
with curiosity—the 


me curiosity il 


brought them out for Deep Throat and 
for last year's Kung Eu epics. They won- 
der how much of what they've heard 


tue, how far the movies can go, how 
much they themselves can take. 
That's not to say The Exorcist 1 
lot more going for it than 
The film has a quality of 


ү sn't a 
value. 
volvement all 


iosi 


100 rarely found in contemporary cin 
ema. There are the superlative technical 
effecis—the rotating head, the rocki 
bed. the icy breath 1 more impor 


are its puzzles—the relationship of the 
opening sequences at the archacologi 
in Iraq to what happens soon 
whether what we 


Georgetown 


of a divorced movie actress for 
ion. In her rages, the child 
ams of green vomit into the 
ed priest (Max von Sydow) 
what is surely the film's most 
shocking moment, smears her mother's 
face with blood from her torn 
film for the [aint of 
nd writer-producer William Peter 
has been roundly criticized for 

g the publics morbid fascini- 
th horror. 

What seems more pertinent, however, 
is the fact that both I 
seem to have latched on to the publics 
ii est in the black arts. The 
ue to flock to The 
‘xorcist are enthralled by the film's pos- 
ate of an absolute evil, mindless and 
us on the 
assured there will be 
many, beginning with Black Exorcist, 
Help Me In Possesse d. the Italian- 
made Antichrist and n que Я 


vagina. 


is book and his film 


theme- 


will soon 
nomenal popularity 
a onetime h 
strength of Wi iedkin's metic 
lous direction, or whether Blatty had 
stumbled upon something that echoes 
strongly the malaise pervading our entire 
social order. 

Meanwhile, before the year is out, au- 
diences will have ample opportunity to 
centrast the effects of demonism with 
those of catastrophe. Triggered by the 
success of Airport and The Poseidon Ad- 
venture, the studios have rushed 
production such — multimillion-dol 
multistarred ventures as Airporl 1975, 
arthquake, The Hindenburg aud The 
Towering Inferno, all designed to place 


te whether ihe phe- 
of The Exorcist w: 
on il 


g based 


nio 


теп: 


d women—at the mercy 
of forces over which they have no con- 
wol. Inev ash of disasters re- 
calls suc e as Hurricane, 
San Francisco (about an earthquake), 
In Old Chicago (the 1871 fire), The Good 
Earth (a locust plague) and Boom Town 
wcll explosions). 

In another parallel with the Thirties 
the movie heroines of 1974 are portray 
ing characters that resemble to a gre: 
degree those played by the Rosalind 
Russells, Claudette Colberts and Jean 
Arthurs of that decade. They wer 
working girls, those Depression-era 
women—newspaper reporters more of- 
ten than not—and even in those pr 
feminist days, they used their bra 
more than their sex appeal to advance 
the careers of their mates, or mates to bi 
Todays women's lib ladies may depre- 
cute those performances as female Uncle 
T'omism—cspecially since the rew 
their efforts was usually a wedding ring 
and retirement—but for the better. pa 
decide, the movies did provide 
nes who were bright, attractive 
And they seem to be 
Peter Bogdanovich's 
wacky 1972 comedy What's Up, Doc? 
probably paved the way for their гейш 
Te was а fast-paced, freewheeling adap 
tion of one of the best of the Thirties 
screwball comedies, Bringing Up Baby. 
which had costarred Cary Gram and 
ine Hepburn, In Bogdanovich's 
version, Barbra Streisand played the 
Hepburn role, opposite Ryan О” 
and apparently liked it, since her more 
cent choices of script have rellected 
owing interest in the liberated woman. 
Up the Sandbox, another comedy, was 
specifically—perhaps two specifically— 
liberationist. with Streisand as a harassed 
housewife who daydreams fantastic es- 
pes (including a wild confrontation 
with а 
from her deadeni 
We Were, 


of a 
her 
gressive and 
оп the way 


Каа 


Neal— 


swill, inllexibly 
provides the 
force, contrasting. sharply 
with the smooth mately spineless 
Hubbell Gardiner of Robert Redford. In 
her most recent picture. For Pete's Sake, 
Streisand turned even more firmly to the 
zany format of the Thirties. As a Brook- 
lyn housewile married to cabby Michael 
Sarrazin, she sets out to promote $3000 
for him so that he can make a killing in 
pork-belly futures. This leads to a te 
dious series of encounters with a loan 
shark, the madam of a brothel, Mafi 
killers and cattle rustlers; but the point 
is that while the comedy may be inept, 
Streisand is not. Like the stars of 40 years 
ago, she is the one who brings off what 
her husband is unable to accomplish. 
Barbra may lack the style, the charm, the 
class, the sophistication—and the looks— 
of Hepburn or Carole Lombard, but she 
lacks none of their cool sclísullicicncy 


her 


Way 
ideali: Morosky 


it uli 


BOURBON 


Fancy words 

don’t make it with you, 
Neither do fancy promises. 
Your bourbon must simply be 
the best tasting. 

The smoothest. 

That’s why your bourbon 
will always be I.W. Harper. 


fl. W. HARPER. From Kentucky Distillery No. 1 


Ё Proof Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey - © 1974 1.W. Harper Distilling Co., Louisville. Ky. 


PLAYBOY 


168 


or their aggressive self-confidence. 

A similarly strong female character ap- 
pears in one of the year's few nonexploi 
tational black films, Claudine, with 
Diahann Carroll in the title role original- 
ly written for the late Diana Sands. Cl; 
dine, the housemaid for a white family, i 
wooed by Roop (James Earl Jones), the 
virile neighborhood garbage collector. 
‘Their romance is complicated by the fact 
that she has six children (but no hus- 
band) and lives under the suspicious eye 
of the welfare bureaucracy, and that 
Roop is already supporting three ofi- 
spring from previous liaisons. It's a talc 
that, clearly, could have happened with 
minor variations in any low-income fam- 
regardless of color. In а Whitey 
the courtship might have been 
more suave—with fewer buckets of fried 
ken followed by quick sc 
the hay, less vocal appreci 
girlfriend's cute ass. Still, it’s ren 
of such earlier white family pictures 
With Six You Get Eggroll: in fact, it 
might well be titled With Six You Get 
Soul Food. But the point is that Clau- 
dine represents, without being at all r 
tant about it, the essence of today's 
liberated woman. She wants sex, but she 
wants it on her own terms. Above ай, she 
knows her own mind and her own worth 
and refuses to settle for less. Claudine— 
one of the box-office hits of the past sum- 
mer—demonstrated to wide audiences, 
папу of them perhaps for the first time, 
that а truly liberated woman is still one 
hell of a dame. 


By one of those curious quirks of sched- 
uling that sometimes make it seem as if 
all the major companies had been work- 
ing simultaneously on the same picture, 
1974 has also produced a spate of boy-and- 
git-on-the-lam movies—Badlands, Dirty 
Mary Crazy Larry, Sugarland Express, 
Thieves like Us and Two, just lor open- 
ers. All had echoes of Bonnie and Clyde, 
with heists and shootouts, but several— 
notably, Sugarland —Express—featured 
girls who were more determined, more 
dynamic than their young mcn. It is а 
cunning, willful Goldie Hawn in Sugar- 
land Express who springs her rather dim- 
witted husband from jail, then m 
the capture of a young cop and his prowl 
сат. With the cop as hostage, they set off 
to kidnap Goldie's baby from a foster 
home. Within minutes, they h alf the 
prowl cars in Texas—and two from 
Louisiana—on their tail in a chase that 
can end only in violence. Sugarland Ex- 


neuvers 


e 


press is based on an incident that took 
place in Texas in 1969, although the 
real-life mother actually got her baby 


back through the courts. Another ex- 
ample of headlines turned to screenplay 
is Terrence Malick’s Badlands, a fiction- 
alization of the Fifties exploits of tcen- 
age mass murderer Charlie Starkweather 
and his girl. The sole redeeming feature 
of the hero, played by Martin Sheen, is a 
carefully nurtured resemblance to the 
late James Dean, Sheen plays a small- 
town garbage man (refuse collection must 
be where й at this year) who callously 
anyone who stands in his path, 


“Гт sorry, Mrs. Ogden, but 
Mr. Ogden’s will is quite clear. If you want your 
share of the gravy... .” 


ginning by shooting and incinerating 
the father of the 15-year-old girl (Sissy 
Spacek) he has decided he wants for him- 
sell. The girl, it soon develops, has as 
little compunction about taking human 
lile as he. and. willingly joins him on. 
murder spree that carries them from 
Texas (again) to Montana, via the Bad- 
lands of South Dakota. 

Even more popular than the hetero 
however, is the 
type of feature that began with Easy 
Rider and Midnight Gowboy—films in 
which what we used w call love interest 


has been almost cutircly climinated and 


all the atten 
tionship between two 
as Scarecrow, Papillon, Thunderbolt and 
Lightfoot and the Oscarsweeping The 
Sting, the buddy system reigns supreme. 
Papillon permits Steve McQueen to es- 
саре from Devils Island just lo 
enough to take up with one nati 


focuses upon the rela- 
en. In films such 


(Ratna Assan, introduced to rLaynoy 
readers in a February 1974 pictorial); his 
partner, Dustin Hollman, never makes it 


at all. Except for a cameo appearance by 
sexy singer Claudia Lennear (also se 
in PLAYBOY, this past August) as а fann 
ng payroll clerk, Thunderbolt has 
scarcely а wi н the credits (al- 
though Jeff Bridges does pick up a c 
nsell 


ple of one: 
the 


stwood, and 
vides one startling glimpse of an 
ous, totally nude lady standing 
in a picture window and diverting Је 
from his landscaping labors). Many crit- 
ics, in fact, saw the Eastwood-Bridges 
relationship as one with homosexual 
overtones: these writers made much of 
ct that 


попу 


g to further a 
The Sting, for all 


its pheno 
offer the pr 
Brennan, looking particularly slovenk 
Paul Newman's livein, brothel-kceping 
ndlady; Dimitra Arliss, even less 
tizing as Robert Redford's onetime bed 
d would-be a : and Sally 


pe 


ass 


rly reels. 

ht well be added such spe- 
cifically “men’s pictures” as The Last De 
tail, Busting, S*P*Y*S and The Super 
Cops. In The Super Сор 
irtually the only female i 


ier, scen 
ute who helps 
Ron Leibman and David Selby b 
the drug traffic in Brooklyn. Zouzou, the 
bombthrowing anarchist in 5*P*Y 
generously permits CIA agents Elliott 
Gould and Donald Sutherland to share 
her flat one night when they are in need 
of a hideout. When Sutherland tries to 
move on into her bedroom, however, he 
finds that she’s ring it with 
two other male coi kishly, he 
suggests that Could take the bedroom 


ades. Pi 


Tough enough to take good taste wherever you go. 


E 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health © та ө; 1. REO» TOBACCO со. 
20 mg."ter", 1.3 mg. nicotine av, per cigarette, ЕТС Report MAR. 74. 


PLAYBOY 


“The Electra complex is always a А 
toughie, and оп top of that, you were born under Aquarius. 


Let's see what the ‘I Ching’ says. 


while he sleeps on the couch—fully ex- 
pecting that h will be promptly 
expelled. He isn't—in fact, he does not 
emerge until morning. having obviously 
spent an active night, Whereupon Suther- 
land grabs a quickie with Zouzou on the 
kitchen table before sauntering forth with 
Gould to resume their bumbling espio- 
nage efforts. In Busting, which pairs 
Gould and Robert Blake as vicesquad 
detectives, the women represented are а 
high-class call; а Sharpe) and 
a junkie in a ge parlor (Erin 
O'Reilly)—hardly types one would take 
home to mother. 

Best of the year’s male movies, at least 
for our money, was the warmhearted and 


perceptive The Last Detail, with Jack 
and Ous Young on sho 


Nicholsoi 
patrol duty, assigned to escort p 
Randy Quaid—whose only crime w 
unsuccessful attempt at dipping into the 
ions Бох meant for the C.0.'s w 
from Norfolk. V 
to the naval brig at Portsmouth, New 
Hampshire. A great camaraderie springs 
up between the men, especially when they 
decide to force-feed the hapless Quaid 
with a taste of the life he will be miss- 
ing for the next eight years—including, of 
women. At least in this film, 
twriter Robert Towne gave the girls, 
even though their roles are mi 
bit of a break. One (Luana Anders) is 
an intellectual kook and the other (Car- 
ol Kane) a two-bit whore, but Towne 
has drawn them with sympathy and af- 


course, 


170 lection. They know they haven't a great 


deal to give to the unfortunate Quaid, 
but they give what they have without 
stint or reservation. The scene in the 
prostitute's room, with Quaid crushed 
because he has come too quick 
haps the most affecting in the enti 
ture. It's made so by the solicitous way in 
which the slender, pathetic girl seeks to 
assure him tha s all right, it can 
happen to anybody. it'll be better next 
me. And the shy, prideful smile on 
Quaid's face when he rejoins his pals 
tells us that indeed it was. 
holson, who deservedly won an 
Academy nomi n for his work as the 
randy, pugnacious Buddusky in this film, 
returned in even better form а few 
months later as a Raymond Chandler- 
esque private eye in Roman Polanski’s 
Chinatown, a; pt by Rob- 
ert Towne. The plot of this thriller, 
ser in 1937, s 
that of a good mystery, involving the 
land grabs that rocked Los Angeles when 
new dams and reservoirs were being pro- 
posed and greedy local politicos were 
buying up vast tracts in anticipation of 
windfall profits. But while the premise 
and the stunning period settings have 
the smell of reality, it’s the performances 
that give this film its punch. Faye Duna- 
way, who carlier had smudged her face 
and straggled her hair for Stanley 
mers Oklahoma Crude, appears here 
radiant, svelte and slightly sinister as the 
wife of a murdered water. commissioner 
who might have been responsible for her 
husband's demise, and may have similar 


every bit as complex 


plans for Nicholson. John Huston, as her 
father, is marvelously craggy and crotch- 
сту, and is responsible for the film's most 
bizarre plot twist: He turns out to be the 
sire of Faye's teenaged child. Ultimately, 
though. it's Nicholson who carries the 
film. Even though he gocs through most 
of it with a bandage over his nose, afte 
one of Huston’s bully boys (Polanski 
himself, in a bit part) has slit it as a 
warning, he still transmits the kind of 
voltage that crackled in such Bogart clas- 
sics as The Maltese Falcon and The Big 
Sleep. At one point, in fact, it looked as 
though half the movies of 1974 would 
feature private eyes or cops. past and 
present. Following rapidly upon one ап 
other were such pictures as Serpico, Mag- 
num Force, The Laughing Policeman, 
Walking Tall, McQ, The Midnight Man, 
а successfully promoted rerelease of Rob- 
ert Актап The Long Goodbye, which 
had been rapidly yanked out of circu 
tion when its initial 1973 ad campaign 
bombed, and the soon forthcoming Frez- 
bie and the Bean. 

Breaking away from that well-worn 
copsand-robbers theme was the year's 
most highly touted—though not its most 
successful—picture, The Great Gatsby. It 
went into production solely because Rob- 
ert Redford agreed to play the title role 
that of a parvenu to Long Island society, 
of humble origins and suspect bad 
ground, longing (ог the love of the 
beautiful but married Daisy Buchanan 
(Mia Farrow). Although the romantical- 
ly handsome Redford would have seemed 
better suited to the Bruce Dern part as 
Daisy's husband (and vice versa), put 
ting the Redford name above the title 
scemed а better financial bet—even 
though it did send the picture a little off 
kilter. There are more sexual sparks in 
the relationship between the wealthy 
Dern and the working-class Karen Black 
than between Redford and Farrow, de- 
protracted flashback to their first 
mecting during World War One. In both 
liaisons, however, passion is discreetly 
suggested rather than overtly shown, 
this were still, in fact, 1923. 

Warren Beatty, who, like Redford, had 
been conspicuous by his absence from 
films during most of 1973—and who, 
again like Redford, owns an enviable 
reputation as a sure-fire box-office draw— 
returned to the scre vestig; 
tive reporter in Alan J. Pakulz's produc- 
tion of The Parallax View (and may be 
scen again before the end of the year in 
his own production of Shampoo, in 
which he pl hionable hairdresser 
and shares billing with his longtime trav- 
eling compa Julie Christie). Paral- 
ke Chinatown, is a murder mystery 
ading to high places. Unlike 
Chinatown, however, it fails to unravel 
its plot strings to their ultimate end 
and, indeed, it isn't until the death of 
TV reporter Paula Prentiss, shortly 
alter the film's sole bed scene, that Beatty 


Start something 


A vodka and tonic, a martini, a bloody mary, 
a screwdriver. Or anything else you have in mind. 


Wolfschmidt 
GenuineVodka 


PLAYBOY 


172 


“Just yelling “Brace yourself!" does not 
constitute foreplay, Harry.” 


realizes there аге even 


ту strings to be 


unraveled. After that, the youthfully 
handsome Beatty comes оп strong— 
stronger by far than his scriptwriters. 


Up to the time of this writing, how- 
ever, the strongest, most provocative film 
to be unveiled this year has been Franci 
Ford Coppola's The Conversation. Win- 
ner of the Cannes festivals top award in 
April, it i ing inquiry into the 
morality and mentality of the men who 
conduct electronic eavesdropping. Cop- 
s the film was conceived half a 
before 


pola swe 
decade 


ies except by i 
on. Аз one critic observed, “Five 
years ago, the film might have been con- 
sidered science fiction." Conversation ex- 
plores the shabby, paranoid soul of one 
Hany Саш, a nondescript. man of 
formidable technical expertise and по 
principles, played by Gene Hackman, So 
secretive is Harry that he leaves his mis- 
tress because she wants to know his home 
telephone number. His lovemaking, by 
the way, is shown to be as brusquely busi- 
nessike as everything else he docs, al- 
though the scene in which a call 
(Elizabeth MacRae), hired to steil 


precious tapes, seduces him in a vacant 
lott is one of the most suggestively sexy 
scenes of the усаг. (Considerably more 


explicit were the tender marital lovemak- 
ing in Don't Look Now, with Julie Chi 
tie and Donald Sutherland, and the torrid 
ting of Warren Oates with Isela Vega 
in Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia.) 
‘That encounter with the prostitute, how- 
ever, is the only time Gaul lets down his 
And Coppola's emphasis of the 
rly joyless sex life succeeds 
in making Нату at once more human 
and more tervifyi 

Also tavilying, but on a different 
level, cin be the experience of the lone 
white spectator at a black explo 
movie, when he notes just how enthi 
tically the audience responds to the "hate 
theme common to most of them. 
Obviously, after years of seeing members 
of their race portrayed ау domestics or 
simple-minded clowns, blacks take а 
fierce exultation at the sight of Truck 
Turner beating the daylights out of a 
redneck or Jim Kelly karate-chopping 
down to size. Shouts of 
“Right on!" invariably accompany these 
confrontations, and there is even greater 
approbation whenever the hero puts the 
down verbally. But the strain is be- 
ng to tell on the actors and sa 
after all. how many variations 
on Shaft amd Super Fly can there bc? 
One reason for the blaxplos. continuing 
might be that they, unlike the 
studio product slated for white 
aces, still feature. plenty of nudity 
and sex liberally mised with violence. 
Audiences predominantly made up of 
black males cheer scenes in which black 
women, generally portrayed as junkies or 


guard. 


Whitey 


a white hood 


jo 
idi 


prostitutes, are beaten, razored or raped 
With just as much enthusiasm as they ap- 
plaud honkie put-downs, Even gentle- 
manly Sidney Poitier found it necessary 
to rough up an unfriendly madam in the 
course of Uptown Saturday Night, while 
in the less pretentious “acti Ims the 
girls are either accommodating their men 
in the sack or being readied lor а 
one-way trip to the morgue. A sociologist 
would probably argue that black males 
see their traditionally matriarchal fe- 
males as oppressors almost as much to be 


ad rebelled against—as the 

white man. 
Oc ally, a tough black does 
win ош. The voluptuous Pam Grier, 


whose Coffy last year was pure cream at 
the box office, seems to be equally on tar- 
get with this year’s Foxy Brown. As be- 
fore, Pam's athleticism is matched only 
by her lack of inhi id in this film 
she uses both to avenge the death of her 
intended, an. undercover narcoties agent. 
Her thirst for vengeance leads her to 
the upper echelons of organized crime, 
where she survives beatings, two rapes 
and a lesbian encounter befo а 
ly gets her man. Alter castrating him, 
she packs his private parts in a pickle jar 
and drops them off at his ltriend's. 
Virtue triumphis again. 

Foxys villain, of course, is white. 
Strangely, so are the producers and most 
ol the writers and directors of blaxploita- 
ion films. Is it a sense of guilt, one won- 
ders, or a death wish on their part to 
produce these examples of reverse тас 
ism? Or are their motives. pu 
mercial. 


the с 
buck? Of course 
gued that there are precious few black 
writers, directors or qualified techn 
Gans. Decades of discrimination within 
ihe  industry—sometimes tacit, more 
often overt—have seen to that, And even 
alent has come to the fo 
arnessed to producing 
dominated. studios 
ion companies think will be 
profitable. Is chere that much difference, 

I, between black director Gordon 
Jr's Three the Hard Way and 
white director Larry Cohen's Hell up in 
Harlem, or between black writer Oscar 
Williams! script for Truck Turner and 
gard’s chores on 
All four of these films revel 
g action, confuse promiscuity 
with sex and exalt а rabid black chau 
ism. The sad irony is that—with 
the previously mentioned exception of 
Claudine—the handíul of pictures that 
have tried to appeal to the black 
while breaking out of the explo 
mold, such. as Five on the Black Hand 
Side aud Willie Dynamite, failed to make 
it with audiences cith 


akthrough o 
though their casts are often interr 
porno movies have seldom clicked in 


black communiti (possibly because 
while black chicks frequently get balled 
in them, black studs rarely get to do the 
ling). In Lialeh, which showcases the 
musical talents of Aretha Franklin's com- 
ger. Bernard Purdie, we have 
first black oriented hard-core feature, 
sort ille in which the sex 
ed between. musical 
edy routines. Kicked 
off in. New York by a heavy promotional 
campaign that included a 50-foot bill- 
board on Broadway (алое porno first), 
the film drew heavy press coverage and— 


of vaude 


even more important—hcavy black pa- 
tronage. Now that an audience has been 
established, presumably. follow-ups are 


already in the works. 
‘The only thing tha 
back is the same consideration that gives 
pause to the entire porno field: uncer 
tainty as to how the courts will act. A year 
and a half ago, it was posible to say tha 
distinct adv 
both the art 
cism in hard-core movies. More money, 
time and attention to production values 
had been going into these films, although 
they were still modestly budgeted by 
mujorstudio standards, Some few pic 
tures, such as Snapshots, The Resurrec- 
tion of Eve and Memories Within Miss 
Aggie, actually played down the hard- 
core footage to give added emphasis to 
mood, character and plot. In Miss Aggie, 
directed by Gerard (Deep Throat) Dami 
апо, some viewers professed to find 
echoes of Ingmar Bergman, particularly 
ice most of the film deals with the sex- 
l fantasies of an aging spinster, а vir 
gin living not quite alone on a Ы 


might hold them 


icc were being made in 
uy a 


d the level of eroti- 


desolate farm. The stylishly stylized ap- 
irked the orgy se 


proach to sex that ma 
quence in the Mitchell Brothers’ earl 
Behind the Green Door was even more 
extensively apparent in their Resurrec- 
tion of Eve—along with Ivory Snow's own 
Marilyn. Chambers and an unnecess 
ily convoluted plot. Just this side of hard- 
core, Radley Metzger’s Score—based on 
an off-Broadway play in which a wealthy 
bisexual couple initiates two innocents 
into homosexual delighis—is probably 
the most clegandy accoutered, self-con- 
sciously arty sex film ever made. (For 
some bookings, five minutes of boy-hov 
hard-core have been inserted.) 

Although these films continued to ар 
pear through 1971, they did so in steadily 
dwindling numbers. As this goes to press, 
the only “das” hard-core item in pro 
duction is the Mitchell Brothers’ Sodom 
and Gomorrah, which mixes Biblical 
cieutastronaut. theories 
niken and is reputedly 
exceeding 5300.000 in production costs. 
Sodom may well be the last of the big 
time pornos, although Ап and 
Mitchell refuse to admit they 


gang 


out of business with ag Barney 
Rosset of Grove Press has been shooting 
X- and R-rated versions of a 0.000 


173 


PLAYBOY 


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ent 


film loosely based on the kidnaping 
of Patricia Hearst and her subsequent 
conversion—in. Rosset’s script. through 
experiences, of course—to the 
use of the Svmbionese Liberation Army. 
Meanwhile, however, hardcore produc 
tion in Los Angeles, once a primary 
source of sex movies, has virtually disap: 
peared. The city has cracked down on 
producers, distributors, participants and 
film laboratories so vigorously that few 
e willing to run the risks of making, 
appearing in or even developing them. 
Those LA-based film makers who have 
decided to remain in business are silently 
switching to sadomasochistic violence or 
waiting lor the antisex. pendulum to re- 
verse its swing 

ping into the breach, 
City has taken over as production 
hibition center for both hard- and solt- 
core porn. The market reachable without 
risky resort to the U.S, mails is rich, con- 
sisting not only of all five city boroughs 
bur of Long Island and the Upstate 
g producers 


sexual 


York 
d ex- 


New 


towns as well  Enterp 


have also E 


known 10 pack their prod. 
uct in a suitcase and hand-deliver it to 
locations in northern New Jersey, Phila- 
delphia and Boston, (The current. prac 
tice, however, is to service the New York 
outlets, then sell prints to whoever is 
willing to take a chance on shipping 
to the rest of the country.) The New 


174 York-based pornos—Sleepy Head and 


Fringe Benefits are two recent exam- 
ples—are quite different from their sun- 
kisel Galifornia cousins. Not only аге 
they mostly shor indoors but they betray 
their limited budgets by resort 
tended di 


log passages belore the acti 
begins—after which the only sounds to 
be heard are heavy breathing and suck- 
ing noises. They are also grainy. badly 
lit and feature a stock company that 
is rapidly becoming, one might say. 
overexposed—headed by Georgina Spek 
vin, Tina Russell, Darby Lloyd R; 
d the ever-ready Harry Reems. (Geor 
gina and Harry might possibly be slowed 
down by their recent FBI obscenity 
busts; they were arvested along with the 
aforementioned Damiano and producer 


g from a Me se reportedly 
volving both Deep Throat and The 
Devil in Miss Jones. Georgina, devoted 
fans will recall, was Miss Jones; Reems 
appeared in both pictures.) 

Not too surprisingly, in view of all 
the heat being generated by the fuzz 
on thi 


side of the ocean, а goodly num- 
ber of the entries in the current porno 
field are European—hailing especially. 
such as 7007. Danish Delights, from the 
Scandinavian countries. What may be 
surprising. however, is the fact that most 
of these films—induding Delights—have 
had to be sexed up in order to compete 
n an American market where audience 


June, Throat was barred by British cus 
toms for even a one-nighvonly showing 
before the National Coordinating Com. 
mittee Against Censorship. a project that 
had been approved by the Greater Lon 
don Council. Again, although Throat was 
unveiled 10 rurnaway crowds at this year's 
mics festival, knowledgeable observers 
of the Fre 


ch film scene feel that it’s still 


ahead of its time [or Gay 
And while West Germany liberal 
te in 1973, it retained 
т on hard-core films, with stiff fines 
andor prison sentences. meted out to 
offenders. Last summer, Berliners were 
being wened to a movie called The 
Devil in Miss Jonas, a German-nade pic 
ture that closely followed the plot line of 
Miss Jones but skipped all the specifics 
Both male and female nudity have һе 
come commonplace on ibe German 
screen, but the sex act itself is strictly 
verboten. 
Symptomatically, the 1 
year’s Berlin Film Festiv 


ten 


years 


ighlight of this 
|, held in mid 


summer, was а midnight special screen 
ing of a French sex movie. Contes 
Immoraux (Immoral Tales). Day alter 


day, the Berlin papers ran ads and articles 


decorated by lush nude show from 
the film and synopses that delicately 
hinted at incest, rape, oral sex and un- 


speakable blood orgies, As a result, the 
vast Zoo-Palast, the main festival theater, 
was sold out nearly a week before the 
showing and crowds jammed the entry 
for more than an hour 
time, fearful lest they mis onc spicy 
second. What they saw, as directed by 
Walerian Borowczyk. were four totally 
unrelated short. stories, ranging ne 
from the present back to the Tih Cen 
tury and in theme from youthtul dalli 
ance io the wanton bloodlust of the 17th 
Century Hungarian countess Erzsebet 
Bathory, with the unique ménage à bois 
her 
cardinal brother and their Pope Luther) 
ind, superincestuous finale. Actual- 
ly. the only thing these Immoral Tales 
had iu common was а tick of cutting 
away from the crucial action. Scenes that 
tory are curiously lack 
is the depiction of any explicit 
sexual activity. It is as if one were doing 
а TV commercial minus all reference to 
the product. The predominantly German 
audience, which had obviously been 
primed for more, left the theater com 
plaining biuerly that they could see thar 
much in thei 


before curtain 


of the Borgias (fundoving Lucrezi 


»wn films. 

Which is truc. European production at 
this time is literally dominated by soft 
core sex films; they make up the bulk of 
all commercial releases in Germany 
France, the Netherlands and the Scandi 
navian countries and figure prominently 
in the product of England and Italy 


i 
They go out not, as in the United States 


то а сеп 


» number of self designated ex 


ploitation houses, but into ordin 
mercial runs. Generally well m 
adequate budgets and popular performers 


in their casts, they turn up as regularly in 
European theaters as do Westerns and 


police shoot^em-ups im your friendly 
neighborhood moviehouse over here. 


Full frontal nudity. both male and | 
male. is commonplace. In West Germany 
sex shops and sex cabarets featuring 
live aas abound—although they're off 
imis for anyone under 18. But ther 
are restrictions on what can be shown 
and, just as in this country, those restric- 
tions have been left purposely vague. 
The abuse of children, sex be- 
tween humans aud an 
these have been specifically spelled our 
as forbidden. but no border line beuxe 
solt- and hard-core has been delineated. 
As a result, producers walk that line very 
charily. After all. а year in prison for 
making something that the authorities 
may ultimately decide is obscene sets up 
а risk factor that no businessman in his 
right mind would knowingly flaunt. 
Consequently, we have such films 
Das Bullenkoster (The Miners Wife). a 
German entry about the wife of a man 
whose back troubles cause her to look 
elsewhere lor solace. In the U.S. market. 
that solace was supplied by obviously 
spliced in explicit footage. 

БИП, the sexmovie market. whether 
hard. or softcore, is scarcely the princi 
pal standard by which most. Ame: 
judge foreign-made films. Although it 
has diminished in recent years, there re- 
s а segment of this country’s movie- 
going public that looks to Europe for its 
an films, professing to sce in them the 
artistry lacking in the domestic product. 
Is dor this market that Am 
tributors anxiously scan the major Euro- 
pean film festivals for pictures they can 
import—if the price is right. Perhaps th 
major premiere at this year’s Cannes 
festival was that of Federico Fellini's 


sexual 


m 


as 


rican dis- 


Amarcord, a highly personal, even auto- 
biographical look back in anger to the 


years of his youth in Fascist Italy. replete 
nt fantasies about the vil- 
wd an unattainable “olde 
woman" (aged maybe 18), contri 

with a disconcerti -life encounte 


горела release of this film, also held 
the option for the American market—but 
at an asking price of 52.000.000, decided 
to Tet it pass, Even though Warners’ pick 
up from last У fexivals—Day. for 
Night. Frangois Truffaut's frank. 
funny ode to bigstudio moviemaking. 
complete with on- and offscreen ro- 
mances—proved relatively successful in 
its Stateside release. it could by no means 
justify that high a гар. Eventually, 
Amarcord went to Roger Gorman (who 
last year picked up Ingmar Bergman's 


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Gries and Whispers) for considerably less. 
Other festival hits of 1973, such as 
ances La Grande Bouffe and The 
Mother and the Whore, passed virtually 
п in their American release 
this year—the last accelerated in iis un- 
ceremonious exit. perhaps. by the fact 
that in some cities, notably Chicago. the 
word whore had to be transmuted into 
a question mark (or. more ingeniously, 
translated into its Yiddish equivalent, 


noffka) in order to get by nervous news- 
paper ad managers. 
Also a standout at Cannes this past 


olo Pasolini’s earthy 
erotic (and, minutes, intermin: 
ble) version ol Il Fiore Delle Mille e 
Una Notte (The Arabian Nights). Hew: 
g to the style of his earlier Decameron 
and Canterbury Tales, it seeks to supply 
a realistic counterweight to classic yaras 
that their cy and 
meaning simply by becoming classics 
Nominally. The Arabian Nights is listed 
as ап Italo-French production, filmed 
Italy with French artistic and financial 
participation: but the French particip: 
is tied in with the American firm 
United Artists, which means that there 
also American money involved (as there 
was last year with Last Tango in Paris). 
Even more complicated is the case of The 
Night Porter. which is financed. by the 
ench and Italian branches of United 
Artists but which is being released in the 


spring was Pier 


have lost imme 


United States by Avco Embassy. The 
Night Porter features Britons Dirk Bo: 
garde and Charloue Rampling in the lead 
roles as а former storm trooper and an 
erstwhile victim who was his lover in a 
concentra p—and becomes so 
again when they're reunited in. postwar 
Vienna. Paramount was unlucky when it 
purchased the American distribution 
rights for the Italian-based black film 
Three Tough Guys. execrably dubbed, 
with Lino Ventura. Isaac Hayes and Fred 
Williamson i» the title roles; and for 
Alfredo, Alfredo (also dubbed), in which 
Dustin Hoffman gets caught mp. not 


ion са 


quite comically enough. in the complexi 
ging divorce laws. As 


ties of Italy's ch: 
the oversexed drugstore clerk he marries, 
gorgeous Stefania Sandrelli (of The Con- 
formist) outshines Hoffman all the way. 
The s in its 


¢ studio fared no better i 
sorship of a French-made sequel to 
minor 1971 entry Friends titled Paul 
and Michelle, which fails utterly to illu- 
the 


n of 


nowso-bur 


m g ques 
whether a rather priggish young man can 
ever quite make amends to the provincial 
girl who has borne his illegitimate child. 
Tune in next week. 

With the costs of film making continu- 
ing to vise. however, international сорго. 
duction has become a way of life. The 
financial advantages—in terms of partial 


government backing, tax rebates and 


175 


PLAYBOY 


176 


quota exemptions—are so substantial that 
they are often vital to whether or not a 
picture gets made. А good example is the 
new Claude Lelouch film, Toute une 
Vie, a Francodtalian venture. Largely 
autobiographical, it traces the career of 
a descendant of a film pioneer through 
* generations (including the present, 
n which his daughter lalls for a young 
man who makes porno movies). At two 
ad а half hours. the film is both over- 
long and overpersonal: but since Le- 
louch directed the profitable A Man 
and а Woman, it’s a fair gamble. The 
profit motive no doubt also accounts for 
Paul Morrissey’s two French-lt 
productions of sex-cum-sadism pictures, 
Andy Warhol's Frankenstein апа the. 
forthcoming Andy Warhol's Dracula. 
But perhaps the most extraor 
crossfertilization of the year was the 
Franco-Canadian producti Sweet 
Movie, written and directed by the Yu- 
goslav Dusan (IWR-Mysteries of the Oi 
ganism) Makavejev. Unveiled first 
Cannes, it immediately polarized 


its 
Some found its imagery—lovers 


vicwers. 
writh 


suffocat- 
a horrendous 
vomit, 
nd otherwise relieve 


1 bed of sugar, 

bath of chocolate 
r party at which the dino 
te, defecate 
mselves—not only shocking but sca- 
brous: others delighted in the movi 
central conceit i| 
the world, who wanted to marry virgin, 
would be blessed with а golden phallus. 
Most of the film, which moves between 
canada, has to do 
g of the girl of his 


choice. Equal vigor, and even more can- 
dor, was displayed by the Dutch film 
Turks Fruit (Turkish Delight), directed 
by Paul Verhoeven in 1973 and first 
presented in the United States by Los 
Angeles’ enterprising Filmex in the 
spring of 1974. At once scatological. ri 
ld and sexually explicit, the film is a 
love story that both thumbs its nose at 
and deplores the constraints and conven- 
tions socicty imposes on young lovers 
Around the world, film makers are 
using their medium to challenge the so- 
cial order and to effect change: but each 
year their fight grows more difficult. An 
American, Conrad Rooks, spent five 
years planning, negotiating for and film- 
ing his adaptation of Herm 
cult novel, Siddhartha, in Indi 
topflight cast of Ind 
includes kissi 
films) and a n e scene (even more 
forbidden), the picture will prol 
never play in its country of origin. (In 
fact, Film World, an Ind 
zine that ¢ 


ibl 


year.) In Greece, the repressions of the 
recently replaced puritanical junta went 
r as to scissor A Clockwork Orange, 
delete the butter. sequence from Last 
Tango in Paris and even ban Jesus 
Christ Superstar Irom Greek screens. 

In fact, despite recent setbacks, it be- 
gins to look as if the last bastion for rel- 
atively [ree expression on the screen is 
right here in the United States, where a 
Mel Brooks can make anti-Nixon jokes 


“Simpson—I think you've lost your marbles.” 


(and even get yoks out of bigotry and 
miscegenation) in Blazing Saddles; where 
a Woody Allen can poke fun at the 
dangers of futuristic Big Brotherhood in 
Sleeper; where the defamed Lenny Bruce 
can be posthumously defended in a major 
picture, Lenny; and where the creative 
Ralph Bakshi, in Coon Skin, can deal 
seriously with the American black's strug- 
gle [or civil rights by means of a rib- 
Id, satiric send-up (combi 
mated action). The 
lishment direction of Arthur Hiller 
released Playboy Production, The 
World of Julius Vrooder, is un 
Yet to come before year's end is 


s just- 


The 
Black Godfather, in which Redd Foxx 


c 


be expected to kid the pants off an- 
other well-entrenched institution, the 
Mafia. 

But such iconoclasm requires the con- 
ued existence of an unfettered screen 
‘There is at the moment too much in our 
society that deserves criticism, too much 
that invites Jampooning, too much that 
demands a realistic reappraisal, too much 
of everything, in short, at stake to permit 
film makers to shrink timorously into 
their shells. With only the loose guide 
ines of the 1973 Supreme Court decisions 


about community standards to go on, any 
picture can still be busted. No one knows 
for certain whose movie will be the next 


Carnal Knowledge, found obscene in 
Georgia in a decision that was reversed, 
all too imprecisely, by the U. S. Supreme 
Court this past June. The Court shed по 
greater Tight on what it considered. ob- 
scene than it had in the Miller 
1973. The Motion Picture Assoc 
professed to be satisfied with the Court's 
overturning of the Carnal Knowledge 
conviction, but the exhibitors (who are, 
after all, the ones on the firing line) 
were not. Less than a month later, the 
National Association of Theater Owncrs, 
representing ally every key exhibi 
tor in the business, issued a ient 
that put forward, for the Court's consid- 
ion, three standards of its own to bc 
used in determining whether or nor a 
film is obscene: 

1. Children should be protected from 
films specifically produced for adult 
audi 


nees. 

2. Adults should he free to sce, hea 
and read what they want, but not have 
“objectionable materials” foisted оп 
them. 

3. Those who create, present or dis 
tribute materials should be entitled to 
the same protection as the materials. (In 
other words, if the film itself cannot be 
busted, neither сап the actors who per- 
form in it or the ow 


ner of the mov 
eedom of the scre 
the entire moi picture industry—and 
we, the шопо ture audience—should 
seule for nothing less. 


house where it's sho: 


To protect the 


(1 4 i 


Since 1969. the Russian discovery has 
become the American lead, and Furth of 
Princeton speculates why. “The Russians 
have a Jot of sense, which is reflected in 
the fact that they got onto the tokamak. 
They stick to those fine old-fashioned 
gs. keep it simple and push it a little 
further. They still hang chandeliers in 
their labs for light. 1 think our very 
ure to keep up with them on the stellara- 
tor was because it was too clever. We've 
got а far better industrial base than the 
Russians, and the stellarator made too 
much use of the Lancy thi 
This shows up in competition with the 
Russians a million times. I's like th 

rockets. Ours have all sorts of cur 
idustry ean provide 


он them because our 
them, so why not yield to the temp 
tion? Nonetheless, it was the Russi 
who put up the first rockets and the first 
And, incidentally, who then got 
wiped out when we got wise and applied 
all our technology. The same thing is 
happening with reactors; they ser us оп 
the right track and now the superior 
dustrial base we have, even though we 
aren't as smart as they are, сап be used 
to get ahead. Once we had converted the 
stellarator to а tokamak, we were geting 
20 times as many pulses from ours, be 
cause ours had water-cooled coils, as they 


men. 


(continued from page H2) 


could get from theirs, and that meant 
we were getting 20 times as mudi 
formation.” 

But Roberts adds: "One does not 
nt to muddy the fact that the Rus 
sians did the work. We don't want to say 
its our Ies not. We picked it up 
and c h them, but w 
their help it wouldn't have been possi 
ble. They had made а ten- or fifteen-year 
commitment and carried it through a lot 
of discouragement, and they could ve 
easily have not told us anything. kept it 
quiet, and then come out in 1980 or 
1990 м g fusion machine. 
They didn't do that.” 
песен eighty and even 1990 are 
generally considered optimistic es 
of when anyone will produce 
fusion reactor. The problems аге still 
formidable and many necessary achieve- 
ments still exist only as extiapolations 
from. present work. Plasmas have been 
successfully confined for the brief time 
necessary for fusion to become self-sus- 
and even longer—but at 
temperatures, Plasma in- 
ies have been conquered i 


idea. 


wi 


rried 


пош 


mates 
working 


not 


stabil some 


if the same techniques will wor 
machines la 


se enough and hot enough 


to make fusion a practical source of elec- 
tricity. No tritium has yet been burned 
in any experimental device, for the sim- 
ple r that tritium, alone 
the three isotopes of hydrogen (simple 
hydrogen and deuterium are the two 
others), is radioactive and requires shield. 
« remote handling, requirements 
aren't conducive 10 experimen 
tion and have so far been led. Ex 
perimenters use ordinary hwdrogen gas 
for their ments and sometimes they 
use deuterium, but the first working reac 
tor would be fucled with a mixture of 
deuterium and tritium, because a deme- 
riumtritium reaction takes place at the 
lowest temperature of any of the various 
hydrogen fusion т possible; and 
until an experiment achieves all the nec 
essary parameters of temperature, с 
finement and duration with a mixture of 
those two gases, the game ain't over. The 
denterium-tritiunrburner. experiment is 
coming on, and ought to be under way 
by the early Eighties, so the AEG now es 
timates. Until then, the work of scaling 
experiments up to larger and larger sizes 
gocs on in labs scattered across the Unit- 


son amon; 


T 


ed States as well as in many other 
counties, each lab producing some of 


the results that must eventually all come 
together to make a fusion reactor. Its 
worth a quick wip around the Americ 


The cube beats the circle 8 to T. 


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slides in about % 
the space of 80-slide 
round trays. 


No bulky round tray could match 
the compact Bell & Howell Slide 
Cube" cartridge system for storage 
convenience. That's obvious. 

What isn't so obvious is how 
eosy the ingenious Slide Cube 
system is to use. You owe it to 
yourself to try one out. 

Just take your next roll of 
processed slides to your Bell & 
Howell dealer and drop the slides 
into а Slide Cube cartridge. See how 
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keeps your slides organized by 
subject ond projector-ready. And, 
at o lower slide storage cost than 
round trays. 


Name 


scon. See why 
the cube beats 
the circle all 

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Él ВешеНошеш. 


Merritt Flom Dept. PB-3T 
Bell & Howell, 2201 W. Howard St., Evanston, Illinois 60202 1 


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Then place the cartridge on a 


handsome compact Slide Cube" 
projector. Note how the projector's 
exclusive previewedit station 
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before it's shown ond reposition it if 
necessary. Try oll the controls. A 
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177 


PLAYBOY 


178 ORMAK are, 


labs to sce the magnitude—and the 
genuity—of the effort. 

Plasma-physics labs, whether оп Gov- 
ernment, university or private property, 
ge to look like aircraft-assembly 
shops run by especially sloppy supervi- 
sors. There's the same smell of hot 
plastic and ozone in the air, the same 
clutter of wires and mock-ups and alumi- 
mum sheeting, the same open-collared, 
trim-waisted collection of craftsmen, ex- 
cept that in the case of the labs the 
tsmen are likely to be Ph.D. physi- 
who have devoted thei Hult lives 
to working with parts of the great uni- 
verse too small and wily to sec, parts that 
operate with such arcane subtlety that 
they сап be mastered only with exotic 
hematies and exotic machi 
The largest fusion-research laboratory 
n the United States presently is the 
i 1 and AEC-funded 
Until last 
chine at 


ies. 


ng, the primary research 
ceton was the ST-Tokamak that was 
converted from the stellarator in 1969, 
but Princeton is now completing a ma- 
chine three times the ST-Tokamak’s size, 
а machine called the PLT that will be 
bout four fect high and ten feet across, 
with coils of pure copper wrapped 
ound it larger yet. The solution to the 
problem of particle diffusing outward 
to the walls, physicists have decided, is 
simply to build tokamaks with 
chambers, because then it takes longer 
les to make th 


indeed, 20 feet 

and 60 fect across. So the PLT, 
largest machine this side of Moscow 
пу ways 
the new Moscow tok 
Russians are building, isn't nearly the 
final step in the search. But the search 
must go on by steps, each scaling up by 
about a magnitude of three from the 
previous step, because that’s about as far 
as the theoreticians can reasonably ex- 
t 
results. The problem was less grie 
when the scale of exp 


polate from the previous experimental 
‘ous 


xample, will be 
the last experiment at Princeton that 
can make use of the huge moto 
tor sets originally installed to charge the 
magnets the stellarator, and even 


on 


ing some $13,000,000. The next experi 
ment will cost over 5100.000.000 and по 
s to design a 510.000.000. ma- 
hout reasonable certainty that 
1 prove what it's supposed to prove. 

Oak Ridge has a tokamak—ORMAK, 
it is called—similar in size to the Prince- 
ton ST-Tokamak. It is currently being 
used to study new methods of plasma 
heating. The generators that run 
ronically, the same gener- 


ators that ran some of the machines that 
separated from ordinary uranium the 
uranium 235 that was used World 
War Two to make the fist atomic 
bomb. 

"The most physically striking of all the 
fusion experiments is the SCYLLAC ex- 
periment at Los Alamos, under the di- 
rection of Dr. Fred Ribe. SCYLLAC is 
toroidal, although the torus is shaped 
more like a giant bicyde tire than a 
doughnut, and it heats and confines its 
plasma simultaneously by rapidly исе: 
g—pinching—it with an enormous 
pulse of magnetism out of a bank of 
thousands of specially designed condens- 
ers. Since the pinch must come from 
every direction simultancously, SCYL- 
LAC looks like a giant representation of 
the Medusa, with hundreds of white 
cables running out in bundles from the 
coils around the torus. SCYLLAC is a 
device called a theta. pinch, not а toka 
mak, one of several alternatives the AEC 
continues to pursue on the wise assump- 
tion that it's better to be safe than sorry. 
Ribe believes his theta pinch. will work, 
and if it does, it could have the immense 
advantage of producing electricity di 
rectly, without the need for the usual 
ated heat cycles whereby energy 
from a fusion reaction heats liquid metal 
d then, in turn, the liquid metal heats 
water to produce steam to turn genera- 
tors. In a SCYLLAC type of reactor, the 
plasma would be compressed 
ly to produce fusion, and the energy 
released by fusion would then push back 
against the magnetic field, inducing сиг. 
rent directly into Ше system that made 
the magnetic field in the first рысе, а 
sort of breathe-in-breatheout oper 
that might work at far greater efhcie 
y heatexchange systems. 
SCYLLAC is less stable than the tok: 
mak systems, however, and Ribes ma- 
chine is probably not going to be a 
first-generation reactor design. 

Another and largely classified work that 
is going on at Los Alamos is the study of 
an entirely different kind of fusion sys- 
tem, one that looks simple and may prove 
to be, remembering always that magneti 
confinement looked simple, too, when it 
s in its infancy, as this new system is 
today. Imagine a reactor that consists of 
a pressure vessel filled w 
um, swirled so that it has а vortex at the 
top like the vortex that sometimes forms 
in your bathtub when you let the water 
and into this vortex is injected a 
ad-sized drop of frozen deuteri 
ich is then zapped by an eno 
mously powerful laser beam. The drop, 
hit by such force, begins to implode—to 
he squeezed to great dens 
heat and pressure of that squeezing pro- 
duce fusion reactions that produce high- 
energy neutrons that are captured in the 


ty—and the 


lithium, heating it hot enough. to make 
steam. That is the vision of laser fusion, 
and the reason it is classified is that the 
powerful lasers being developed might 
well find i military weap- 
ons syst 


Livermore works with laser fusion, 
but its m work on 
various configurations of mirror ma- 


chines, which aren't likely to become 
first-generation reactors either but which 
olfer hope, as SCYLLAC does, of a d: 
when fusion energy can be converted di- 
rectly into electricity without an int 
ng heat cycle. 
There are smaller fus 
both magnetic and laser, at ur s 
1 private laboratories around the 
United States, but the most. interesting 
and in some ways the most promising ex 
periment of all is located at General 
Atomic Jolla, Californi 
brilliant Japanese scientist named Ti 
ro Ohkawa been working on fusion 
for 14 years, wresting impressive results 
from a budget that сап be counted. in 
pennies compared with the dollars avail- 
ble to the big AEC labs. Ohkawa, who. 
is a wim, handsome, articulate man i 
his mid-105, is revered in Japan in much 
the same way, and for much the same 


ion experiments, 


where a 


stein was once rev 
States. He has no giant motor-generator 
sets; he couldn't aflord them. Instead he 
scrounged 600 submarine batteries from 
the United States Navy and designed a 
complicated set of loading switches to 
feed the batteries’ considerable power to 
his machines on command. With his low 
budget and some extremely simple ma- 
. Olikawa has achieved the longest 
nement time yet produced, a full 
second, and has designed a modified 
amak that is likelier than any other 
ak design to be the shape of the 
first practical fusion reactor. Ohkawa's 
tokamak was the only one operating in 
the United States when the Russian 
breakthrough came. 

Ohkawa's Doublet series—he is pres- 
ently building Double HL having 
worked his way up through 1, I and 
HA па a Doublet still 
looks like а doughnut the long way 
around, but if you cut through the 
doughnut, took a bite out of it, as it 
were, the cut ends would look like slices 
the long way through a pi 
blets, in other words, noncircular 
cross sections. The purpose of this altera- 
n requires us to detour through the 
complicated 

As plasn 
particles that make them up move 
nd faster, flying around the chamber in 
longer and longer helical paths. Some- 
times, as they do so, they begin to wi 


is tora: 


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179 


PLAYBOY 


180 applying far stronger 


“ГИ say one thing for my husband, he knows what he 
wants in lije and goes after it!” 


and developing far more punch than the 
individ particles ever have when act- 
own. Tt is just such resonances 
ссош for the tendency of plasmas 
nk and buckle and flute and break 
through their magnetic confinement. 
The problem since the beginning has 
been to identify these instabilities, fi 
ure out what causes them and de 


fore they get out of hand. Each new 
generation of experiments, pushing tem- 
peratures higher and achieving longer 
confinement. times, has encountered 
new set of inst ind it is because 
physicists think they've seen, or can pre- 
t, most of the major kinds of inst 
“ve decided a fu 
1 eventually be practical. 

One of the most serious instabi 
occurs when а particle does what Furth 
calls “biting its own tail." When a parti- 
de becomes energetic enough, it can zip 
all the way around the torus without col- 
liding with amy other particle and end 
р in exactly the same place it started, 
n to res- 
onate in concert with its fellows. Ohka- 
va's peanut cross section eliminates that 
effect by making the particle's path as 
long in cross section as it is the long way 
round. Now, a circular tokamak can 
ate this effect, but only by 
magnetic fields 


also elim 


bout the 
the circul 
one excepti 


ame kind of plas- 
tokamak is getting, with 
We're using only 8000 
gauss [a measure of  magneticfield 
strength: The earth's magnetic field 
equals one gaus] compared with 25.000, 
30.000, 40,000 gauss for the circular toka- 
maks. That's one third or one fourth. 
And the cost of the magnetic field gocs 
like the square of the magneticheld 
strength, which in one third means about 
one tenth of a ak. So if 
Doublet HI works, we can get with 
magnetic energy that costs ten times 
less." The point is vital, because it won't 
be enough to make tioning fusion 
n we must ke a Iunaion- 
ing fusion reactor whose costs are compa- 
rable with those of existing kinds of 
electrical generating systems. Ohkawa's 
Doublet system may well show the way. 
The AEC presently expects that the 
path to a commercial fusion reactor will 
require five steps taken on four ma- 
chines, cach one larger and more expen- 
sive than the list. The first step—one 


also m 


ta 


step beyond the PLT—will be a mi- 
chine large cnough to prove the feasibil- 
йу, in temperature, confinement and 


duration, of controlled fusion, but using 
ordinary hydrogen gas. That machine 
would then be converted to a deuterium- 


tritium burner, with all the аце 
iphernalia necessary to ha 
um's radioactivity. At that point—per- 
haps by the early Eighties—scientific 
feasibility and what physi Ш break- 
even would be accomplished facts. 
Breakeven, the crucial point, co 
when the plasma is putting out as much 
energy as is needed to heat it. Attention 
by then will be turning towa 
ing problems: toward developing super- 
conducting coils to replace the coils that 
today are cooled by water or liquid. ni- 
ттор‹ g the һе 
ward. matching costs 
potential electrical output. The 
step woukl be to build an expa 
prototype that would actually 
ate some clecuicity. In the carly 
i. Nineties, the AEG would build a 
prototype, electrical ge ad 


toward develo 


exchange system: 
with 


mue 
all, and industry might well begin to 


ето 


place a few orders. Finally, by the у 
2000, engineers would complete a dem- 
onstration plant. Fusion as a practical 


means of generating electricity would 
therefore become available sometime 
after 1990. 


The road between now and then is 
perilous, because what the АЕС and in- 
dustry are busily building today are fast- 
breeder nuclear reactors that produce 
more dangerous, highly rad 
tonium than they consume in 


Plutonium is one of the most lethal sub- 
stances on carth and it has a ha 
24,360 years, We are about to b 


ducing it in large quantities, pluton 
that poisons, plutonium that large coun- 
иіс» and small can easily fashion into 
bombs, pli might even be 
used by c 
bombs that could (гел 
of entire cities. Fusion has no such poren- 
tial for destruction. Tritium is only mildly 
dioactive and has a half life of 1214 
years, which is why it is so rare that a fu- 
sion reactor using tritium would have to 
breed its own in order to keep going ссо- 
ally. Fusion reactors curt blow up, 
only as wc have scen, blow out. And 
down the road а few more decades into 
the 21st Century is the likelihood of fi 
sion reactors capable of achieving deute- 
rium«leuterium fusion, which needs 
much hotter ignition temperatures than 
deuterium-tritium fusion but which has 
the virtue of releasing no radioactivity 
all except the small residual irradiatioi 
of the ma ls in the reactor vessel it- 
jals that will present. nothing 
like the disposal problem of the poison 
produced in nuclear reactors. 
What will an operating fusion 
look like? It will be large, as lı 
fossil-fuel power plants toda 
cost as much as they do, a billion dollars 
ог morc. At its heart will be a thermo- 
nuclear plasma burning at 100,000,000 to 
200,000,000 degrees centigrade. At those 
mperatures, plasmas radiate no visible 


jacking 


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PLAYBOY 


182 


light; the plasma will be invisible. Sur- 
rounding it, if Ohkawa's Doubler sys- 
tem proves as successful as it appears it 
will, will bea toroidal chamber shaped. in 
cross section, like a peanut or a kidney, 
ad surrounding that chamber will be a 
cellular structure—physicists call it a 
blanket—through which circulates hot 
liquid lithium in which tritium is bred. 
The lithium circulates out of the blanket 
to a processing area where tritium is 
extracted for feeding back into the re 
actor. Surrounding the lithium blanket 
ight bc a blanket of graphite heated 
by the neutrons coming from the plasma 
fusion reactions, a blanket of graphite 
throug h circulates helium gas 
Fhe neutrons would heat the graphite; 
the heat would exchange to the helium 
and the helium would circulate outside 
10 run gas turbines that run generators. 
ond the graphite blauket would be 
located superconducting coils of niobium- 
um alloy that would produce the 
ing magnetic field, and you must 
consider the state of modern technology 
that allows men 10 place metal cooled 
to within two de; 
the lowest temperature possible 


es of absolute zero, 
a the 


next to р 
and tens of millions of degre 
the highest temperatures in the universe. 

Outside all this gear would be shield- 
ing. control systems and the elecuical 
nd delivery systems. 
whole package operated, one imagi 
by young guys with beards and long I 
and по more than engineering degrees 
who thought it looked like a good line of 
work. 

When fusion will become a common 
source of electricity—when your lights 
and mine are burning on the fusion of a 
le from ordinary water— 
is anyones guess, but fusion 
could be going up all over the land by 
2010 if energy needs and the problems 
we've been having with fossil fuels de- 
mand them. And at that point, whether 
we choose to apply the technology on 
large scale or not, man will have solved 
the most urgent of all the technological 
problems that have plagued him since 
the discovery of fire: He will have found 
access to all the energy he wants. И he 
needs it in some form other than elecuic- 
ity, fusion can supply that, too. by split- 
to hydrogen and oxygen 


reactors 


THE HEART OF THE MATTER 


OHMIC HEATING 
PRIMARY WINDINGS 


FIELD COILS 


PLASMA 


Schematic of o tckomok fusion reactor: A magnetic field generated by the field coils con- 
fines the plosmo inside its vessel. A second field, generated by the primary windings, heats 
the plasma to 30,000,000 degrees C. Simple? So's the sun, which doesn’t work as well, 


VACUUM VESSEL 


and then ma ethanol, а dea 
burning form of alcohol, from the hy- 
drogen, He can take fusion heat and use 


And when the he 
mal pollution of th 
rious problem, he can dev ns for 
ing the excess heat out into space. 
Civilizations cin, fom one perspective 
that is perhaps not the most salutary, be 
defined by the amount of energy they 
use. In ancient times most of that energy 
el muscle, in modern 
il fuels, but muscle or 
е has never be 


Is up. and ther- 
саш becomes a se 


с syste 


gy available to satisfy w 
mand. Nor, one should note. h: 
been distributed with anything like 
equality among the civilizations and. па 
tions of the world, which is why Winston 
Churchill wept for joy when the Japa- 
nese attacked Pearl Harbor and the 
United States joined World War Two: 
be he knew what enormous re 
sources we had. and therefore knew 
December 7, 1941, beyond any doubt, 
that the war was w 
We—the United are now the 
most avantgarde of civilizations, and 
that is not so satisfying а fact as it might 
seem to some, as it certainly seems to the 
uclear fusion. It 
might not be o t home, where the 
aned equipment is always breaking 
down, but it is obvious to anyone travel 
ad, and especially to anyone 
n the Third World ol Asia 
that we live to а completely 
diferent set of expectations than do 
most of the people of the world, grown 
tall on our excess supp 
carryi long our pocket calculators, 


use 
on 


on 


»vious 


s ol protein, 


our cleciric wrist. watch the mere out- 
croppings of a civilization that has 
banked everything not on the strength 


of its spirit but on the subtlety of its ma- 
chines. Our hearts are run on batteries, 
we will soon have artificial kidneys sewn 
in and artificial eyes, and those are mere 
outcroppings, too. What kind of world 
will we face when we have no need of 
y anybody, not [rom the 
Arabs, not from the Russians. пос even 
from the coal and oil buried under our 
Own dark ground? When our cars run 
оп hydrogen and produce, as waste, pure 
water; when we have no pollution be- 
cause we've turned all our smokestacks 
off and. dismantled. our 


our 


our 
our w 
the elem 


own raw materials by breaking 
es, with fusion heat, 
nis from which they 
reconstituting them? When we 
computer terminals in our pockets or 
sewn into our skulls that connect us ii 
stantly to all the wisdom of all the li- 
brarics and dara banks in the land? Will 
we be supermen then? Will we want to 
be? Will we look with more favor then 
upon the underprivileged of the world 


ne 


than we do today, which is hardly at all? 
Will there come а time—won't there 
almost certainly come а time?—when 
across the conti- 

nent. from a smog.free L.A. to а quietly 
purring New York that the computers 
are ready to take us in, that if you want 
to you can program your b 
data bank and enjoy a thousand. times 
ihe sensory input your meager [leshly 
body provides, enjoy visions in ihe in- 
ultraviolet as well as in 
row visible the 
c. share the vast wisdom stored 
in the machines, share the sensory range 
possible to all those exotic receptors, 
pleasure, like Krishna, 1000 shepherdesses 
simultancously în the starlit night, not 
know you aren't in а body, which 
cver body you want to be in that day 


the good news will bl 


frared and tı 
the n 
human 


spectrum ol 


man or woman or child or somewhere in 
between, and possibly eagle and earth 
worm, too? But know that so long as you 
arewt accidentally erased you can live 
forever? Do you doubt that all but the 
nostalgic of Americans, all but 
Euell Gibbons and David Brower and 
the Hillbilly of the Hillbilly Hills will 
be lining up eagerly outside the process- 
ing-room door? 

And not only does the prospect seem 
likely but there is a real question, which 
the philosophers of doom—pollution 
doom and human-condition doom and 
overpopulation —doom—haven't 


even 


thought about tackling yet. of whether 
at this late date we even have а choice 
left, of whether technology, like its 
predecessor, evolution, doesn't work to 
its own inexorable laws, and to have 
started down that road, as the world 
started long ago and as the United States 
has raced ahead like the messenger at 
Marathon, is t0 be condemned to follow 
it to its end, We Americans have fol 
farther, curlicucs awhirl, il 
any other nation in history, which ought 
to 1 ng what the rest ol 


lowed 


ve us wonde 


the peoples of the world. the ones who 
still eke out a life of sorts on 1200 calories 
a day. are going to do about us, if in- 
deed there's anything they can do. now 
that the nuclear weapons are made aud 
counted and laid out in their long bar 
When 


rows scattered across the world. 
Cor 


shining armor on his unbeli 


ez rode into Tenochutli 


Montezum eady knew the show was 
over and gave up without a fight, though 
the fight came later and Cortez had to 
sack the beautiful city, starve its children 
to the ground, and perhaps the other 
peoples of the world know that, too. or 
ele why are they scrambling 10 indus- 
wialize as fast as they сап? 

One of the beauties of fusion, one of 
the qualities that make its perfection a 
noble experiment, indeed, is that it can 


help everybod 
where they want to get, because it runs 


on the most common clement on earth, 
mere hydrogen, mere water, the crystal 
ms 


liquid that flows down all the stre 


and rivers and oceans of the world, 
will continue to flow until those waters 
dry up, whieh will not happen until the 
day the sun uses up the hydrogen in its 
core and begins to bum outward, ex 
panding into a great colored giant ol a 
маг, enveloping the carth. And by then, 
one way or another, we will all be gone, 
pulses of energy wafting out coward the 
like seeds or like viruses, depend 
how you take us. 
nor even what is so 
gly called science fiction by 
people who doit like to think about the 
destinations of the roads they so willingly 
travel on: That is as certain as the day 
long ago when the fist hallman first 
picked up and helted the levered hone 
there; fusion, controlled 
thermonuclear fusion. is about to carry 
us the rest of the way; the sun burns at 
the height of the sky; and the only ques 
tion left worth aski 


That бата 


descended, as on the si where Oed 


ut his eyes. in the machine, a 


pus tore 
bizarre machine shaped like a doughnut 
with magnets for hands 
furiously heated that it gives forth no 
light at all. 


nd а heart so 


Use REACTS Card — Page 235. 


183 


PLAYBOY 


184 


FULL HOUSE conica pin 


learned it pretty well. In the next two 
months, to my sure knowledge, he won 
more than $6000. 1 met him later when 
he was running for Congress and he told 
ngs helped launch his first 
political campaign.” 

Another Navy poker friend of Nixon's, 
who asked to remain anonymous, said he 
remembered one thing in particular 
pout the way Nixon played: “It was 
ways а basically friendly game, a lot of 
Dorseplay. so when a loser who'd dropped 
out of a big hand occasionally asked а 
winner ner 
usually did it, just as a gesture. But not 
Nixon. When he won a pot without being 
Hed. he'd toss his hand in real quick 
and mix it with the discards—always re- 
minded me of the kid at school who'd 
bend over and shield his test paper to 


me his w 


to show his cards, the wi 


I LOVE YO 


I LOVE you / 


make sure nobody would copy from him 
Nixon switched to football terminology 
when he became leader of the Free 
World, but in his 1962 book, Six Crises, 
poker was still his preferred metaphor 
‘Khrushchev often been called a 
chess player in conducting his interna 
tional policies. . . . | do not know chess, 
but I know poker: and there is no doubt 
at Khrushchev would have been a 
player. First. he is out to 
. like any good poker player, 

he plans ahead so thar he сап win the 
pots. He likes to bluff. but he knows 
Г you bluff on small pots and fail 
mily to produce the cards, 
st expect your opponent to call 
That is why the 
xd Mats 
ar 


bluff on the big pots. 
two sn 
and 


lands of Quemoy 
ll the other periphei 


ш 


DEEPER / 
PEEPER / 


J HOVE You? 
£ KOVE YOY? 


so important in the poker game of world 
politics.” 

Enough hard facts. Tt isnt known 
whether Nixon continued to play po 
n the White House, but it makes for 
wonderful 


of Rose Mary Wo 
sound so: 


АУУ hands, itn 
thing like thi 


DEAN: Who did 
HALDEMAN: 1 Cant recall. 
кишлсимАзх: D can't recall. 
PRESIDENT: | could take the re 

sponsibility. but that would be the 

easy thing. 

ZIEGLER: T have to go 
the President on that. 

DEAN: Spire, you had your h; 
new the pot, Maybe you acciden 
tally scooped a few chips— 

ACNEN: D was only stretch 

m. it was st 

DEAN: Well, we have to get the 
pot right somchow. Only two antes 
there, mine and Bebes. The 
rest — 

PRESIDENT: For Ch 


it! 


my 


SUS sake, get 


kenozo: Look, why don't | just 
nic lor everyone? 
PRESIDENT: Good boy, Bebe 
ZIEGLER: There 1 have to agree 
with the President 
DEAN: Hey, does this deck of cards 
feel funny to anybody? 1 know 
they're your cards, Mr. President, 
they have the White House emble 
on them and all, but the e 
10 be shaved or something. Anyone 
else notice: 
HALDEMAN: D can't recall. 
xni ICHNAN: I cant recall. 
present: 1 don't give a shit, 
deal the cards! Spiro, your hand is 
in the pot agai t me 


it this one out 
(Five-card draw is dealt.) 
PRESIDENT: Since you're out of 
Dean, mboy, why don't you 
а peck at my hand and give me 
some advice. Careful not to give 
me away, though 
: What an exci 
(To the others) He's gor garb 
мл. (in unison): I fold. 
ково: Hi. Can I join the g: 
Let's see, a | eats a Mush, right? 


Back to hard-hitting inves 
sm. Reporter Nell 
more fact about Nixon's poker back- 
ground: The IRS will not comment of 
ficially, but there is no evidence that a 
Richard M. Nixon paid any taxes on 
additional income of 56000 back in 1944. 

—є©. MARRY COLSON 


ing prospect! 


mive jour 
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just slightly ahead ot our time 


PLAYBOY 


186 


GARDE, (continued prom page 138) 


crs Thad ever known 
опе who could break a game 
Harlem pimps with a single 
who could also subject tight, percentage 
plaving professionals to the slow torture 
of his insights and calculations. He had 
played everywhere poker was know 
ad his stories of wins and occasional 
уз been colored with com- 
d good humor. Only when 


best cardpla 


losses had 
sense 


moi 


he had spoken about the pl 
J he reverted u 


dena h what L supposed 
wits his mative view of the world. 

"It is not poker that one plays there. 
In a game of poker. 1 can put the 
players’ souls in my pocket. But in that 
place. there is nothing. Time marches 
along, the cards Гай, someone coughs, 
someone scratches the head. someone 
now and then might even curse. But 
don’t be fooled. АЙ these are just imita- 
tions of living things made by those who 
have no spirit at all in them." 

I had asked Beausourire why he had 
gone to Gardena in the first place and 
why he hadn't taken an сапу leave once 
he'd found it inhospitable to his gam- 
bling style. 

"My man, you don't go to Gardena, 
you end up there. And it's not casy to 
get out, because the dead love company. 
They don’t let go easily 


\ tall, frail lady of 60 who wore enor- 
mous jetblack sunglasses, whose silver 
hair ow ranged in tight litle curls 
and whose hands, delicate. rericulations 
of bone and vein, manipulated, it 
seemed simultaneously. the mound of 
knitting held in her lap and the cards 
she dealt or received: her partner, a 
Ш, plump intense woman of the same 
whose eyes followed every move at 
table with unabashed mistrust, 
ppled lon 
ago from the sun, brooded over the cards 
she cupped in her hands so that not a 
speck of pasteboard was revealed; а 
toothless but erect Japanese, a man 
beyond the ordinary meaning of human 
soft sounds of mental 


the 
whose dark face, lined and d 


whine meant a call, and a dry cough sig- 
nified that he had checked—these were 
the regulars at my table when 1 sat down 
for my fst day of play. Immediately, 
i i ew and lively face, the 


asa 


to work in collusion, rais- 


time 1 stayed 
past the draw. I let ther 3 few small 
antes with this crudeness and then 


ended their ploy by r 
standing pat and ii 
the draw. When they 
lent. communication | 
ed agreement to beat me with 
пег cards rather than with tired card- 
parlor maneuvers. 


ising both of them, 
raising again after 


sc between thes 


But they did not succeed any better 
playing honestly, nor did the cacopho- 
nou id others of 
their kind tried their skills and ro 
against me. But 1 was not beguiled, 
in three days time, I had won close to 

2000, a considerable enough sum, con- 
sidering the house limit and the bering 
habits of the moribundi against whom I 
played. 

The reason I won was not that I was a 
significantly better player than those 1 
was matched against. or more sensitive 


10 the manni reveals what. is 


e. They left 


meant to be hidden. I am а good poker 
player, but 1 am not one of the game's 
elect, nd went at 


my table could calculate the prol 
of a hand's success as rapidly as I 
take the action proper to the situ: 
which is all that a good poker player 
who licks sublime intuition can do. My 
success was simply the result of my bei 
ready to gamble on those hands about 
which neither mathematics nor psychol- 
ogy provides a reasonable basis for dec 
sion. It was at such moments that my 
opponents, for whom even a sizable а 
vantage was worth only the sma 
became completely 

were filled with too m 
strong cards being beaten by innocent 
fools who took every raise before the 
draw, and they were therefore re 
turn the faintest signs of risk into disas- 
wous portents. They were good poker 
players, but they bad played too long, en- 
dured too many debilitating turns of luck 
to be truly dangerous, so it was a s 


bility 


a sanguine temperament 
was required to sec a hand through. 
The wearer of the diamond, however, 
1 found, after an hour's play, to be a 
much subtler adversary. She was not one 
who thought that poker had been creat- 
ed to nourish the virtue of patience, and 
she was as ready to do battle with the 
unknown as she was with the two or 
three scapegraces who wandered to ош 
table and Jost with the dispatch and res- 
olution of those who know they are 
fated, when matched against such a pres- 
nce, to do nothing else. Moreover, from 
her ema! 
sent from the other players. а 


involve at would h 
think her tactics touchi 
had it nor been for the strength 


culation they contained. In the rapid 
way she dealt. shuffled, raised, called 
and examined her cards, 1 felt the 
а need to multiply evens to 


П as hard as her 
with it. the 
the kind of 


own would increase and. 
ices that she could pla 
poker she desired. 

As the game progressed, 1 flattered 


myself that I had such а will, Again and 
again we drove other players from the 


pot and won or lost to each other in a 
precise alternating sequence. She would 
turn over a [lush to the king and beat 
which stretched no farther. than 
ik: I would counter by topping 
nd jacks with a low three of a kind. 
But the best moments were those in 


which we maneuvered and. probed. cach 
t with пош or 
card draw. or eve 
g a high full house in order to 
a bet after the draw. Each gambit 
like a flirtatious exchange. in which 
neither of us gave any outward signs of 
communication or enjoyment. What wi 
taking place was a secret recognition of 


affinity, and we courted cach other with- 
out expression and with seemingly cold 
courtesy. 


Then came the moment that brought 
the coquetry to an end, I was dealt a pat 
hand and bet. Those to my left began to 
fold, but then 1 saw the diamonded 
nd reach for a stack of chips and. pu 
in a sum that indicated a raise. 1 looked 
ny cards and studied the 
at it would betray noth- 
ing but wanting to seize the opportunity 
to stare shamelessly at its severe beauty 
1 prolonged the moment tor as long as 
possible, and then I raised her Басі 

‘or the first time since she joined the 
table. there was mt pause before 
and then. as though she 
had resolved something within herself, 
she nodded, matched my raise, raised 
gain and tossed two cards away. I 
counted the chips that had been added 
to the pot and then turned to the dealer. 
Protocol demanded that he should be 
the one to state that an irregularity һай 
taken place, that, since I had been raised, 
no cards should have been discarded be- 
fore giving me an opportunity to call or 

se in return, However, he said nothing: 
indeed, seemed stared that I would turn 
to him for assistance. The other mem- 
hers of the game were equally silent, thei 
expressions indicating no interest at all in 
the outcome of а hand they were not in- 


a hesi 


volved 

"Excuse me.” I said. addressing the 
dealer. 71 believe 1 have the right to 
raise 


The dealer, an old man who affected 
Western dress and mannerisms, smiled 
thinly and pushed the filthy cowboy hat 
he wore down over his eyes 

"You want to raise the liule |: 
drawled. 

1 looked at my cards and again saw the 
low straight that had been dealt me. Not 
the strongest hand in the world, but it 
beat anything that could и: 
i that, 


dy?" he 


and do it, 


dealer said. 
Suddenly she spoke, he 


tone sharp 


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188 


nd injured. “If that's the way you want 
10 take advantage of a mistake, ГЇ call 
your raise and raise you again." 

Now I knew something was «foot. 
Even if she were capable of making a 
mistake that revealed the nature of her 
hand, she would never whine about it or 
compound the error with a spiteful bet. 
Although I should have increased u 
pot again, 1 merely called and indicated 


to the dealer that I needed. no further 
ds. 
“I don't need any either, I guess,” she 
said soltly. and returned the two discards 


to her hand. "And I think TIL have to 
bet the limit.” 

It was а low, obvious trick, but it had 
worked. If her hand was what it seemed, 
my straight would lose ignominiously. 
And if she were bluffing, if she thought 
me astute enough not to try to guess 
which level of deviousness she was or 
she was right. I folded my cards and left 
the table. 


1 was at the short-order counter of the 
ant when she came up to me and 
ized. 

гей you knew everything except 
the oldest trick in the house,” she said, 
“And it was z 


“Thats all right, I learned some- 


= 


She took the stool next to mine and 
looked up at the menu on the wall. The 
hard delicacy of her features again im 
pressed me, and with a poker table no 
longer between us, I could sce how truly 
without blemish she was. lt was аз 


though she had been fashioned after a 
formula that distilled human perfection. 
a formula never meant to be personified, 


that omitted all the derai 


npeifect s 


nd accidents of mortal flesh. More and 
id blended in 
nd. 


more she and her diame 
my mind, and when she touched my h 
I was surprised to find that her fing 
were soft and that the warmth they trans- 
mitted was of а degree that revealed hu- 
man temperature. 

“You've been doi 
she said, and s 
still resting on my hand 

"The competition w 
until tonight. 

“Yeah, you've made these old рі 
cash а lot of retirement checks. Bul they 
do all right in the end. They beat the 
tourists, break even with one another and 
lose to me. But their plots are all paid 
for and I leave them enough to be com- 
fortable till they're dropped into them. 


very well 
little, 


hard 


rt 100 


“ГИ go along with the 
cheerleader s outfit and the shoulder pads, but 


couldn't you just wear tennis shoes? 


Then, as though she were testing my 
character as she had at the card table, 
she added, "There's nothing good à 
me at all.” 

I 


а moment, 
e gallant exce 
such a s gh ar 
stead, | simply replied that I believed 
her. Seemingly satisfied, she smiled and 
ordered a glass of milk and a cheese 


won 


d first come 
her hon- 
сутооп and had discovered that this was 
a community over which she could 

“You're married?" I asked, 
ing considered she could be part of any 
life except her own. 

“Not anymore, He died. А week after 
we left Gardena—where, by t 
los three hundred, he couldn't play at 
all—we went to Mexico. By that time 
wed been married about two weeks 
Га decided that I'd had enough of him 
Especially when he began spending the 
money I'd won here on funny sombreros 
and ugly Indian pots. I wanted to come 
back to Gardena with a stake to play 
poker on—so | killed h 
rk was washed down with 
а long drink of milk, An emphatic pause 
followed, which I did not intrude upon. 
Belief was of secondary importance to 
both of us after an evening of calcu 
tion and pretense, and truth simply 

ter of be 
shed murdered her husband, there w: 
по reason to feign shock or to make her 
insist on my credence. 

“How did you do that? 

“We were in Durango 
through the market in some 
when suddenly he started to sl at 
and grow pale. I asked him what was 
wrong and he pointed down at the 
counter we were standing in front o 
You know what was on that counter? 
Ashtrays with scorpions in them covered 
by glass, The scorpions were dead, but 
that didn't make any difference to him. 
He was terrified of them. Scorpions must 
be the big tourist attraction in that part 
of Mexico, because each one of the ash 
ways had RECUERDO DE DURANGO written 
on it, which means ‘souvenir from. Du- 
rango My husband, however, was one 
tourist who was not attracted. He went 
straight back to his room, 
that we were going home the next da 
and went to bed. I could tell he wasn't 
much of a man the way he played poker, 
but this really made me sick. I was going 
to walk out on him, but it occurred to 
me that a wife who leaves her husband 
alter (wo weeks wouldn't get too much 
imony. So I decided to go for the 
ance policy. 
She insisted that she pay when she fin 
hed her sandwich and, as we were walk- 
ing out, asked me where I was staying. 


тз ago с 


1 asked. 
walking 
itle towi 


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ADORESS_ - 


When I gave the 
said she was сег 


ne of my motel, she 
in 1 would have picked 


me, with a trace of disappointment that 
hadn't guessed, that it was where she 
lived. 


She had been there lor nearly 


t you interested how I did ii" 
she asked as we began our way back to 
ilie motel. 
"Did what? 
“Killed my husband. While he was 
steep, I went back to the market, bought 
fifty of those ashtrays and broke each of 
them open. T put dead scorpions all over 
the bed while he was asleep and still had 
about two dozen left to scatter around 
the floor. Then I waited until morn- 
ng, went out and knocked on the door. 
From what he had shown me at the 
poker table, I took the chance that he 
ve the strongest heart in the 
world. It was а good guess. 1 heard him 
go through his wake-up mumbles and 
coughs, and then there came something 
like a squ ad a long whoosh of air 
followed by a thud. 1 tiptoed back into 
the room, made sure he was really dead, 
collected the scorpions, flushed them 
down the toilet, and the bride got away 
with а perfect crime." 


* ] said 
the darkness, and smiled at the thou; 
that Daisy, for all her lucidity at the card 
table, mi y well be mad. Even to 
i man with souve- 
scorpions hints at a maniacally inve 
ме brain, and | wondered, she 
invited me into her room, how much 1 
was prepared to risk in order to make 
love to her. 

I quickly answered myself when I fol- 
lowed her through the door without hesi- 
tation, We were in a room that wa 
almost a replica of my own. A bowl of 
flowers had been added, there were 
few more kitchen utensils and an extra 
mirror hung on the wall Apart from 
these, there were no other signs that a 
three-year residence had taken place in 
the room. When she opened the closet, 1 
counted two dresses and two pair of 
dark-gray pants exactly like the ones she 
1 wearing. When, with her back to 
me, she took off her sweater, she put it 
to a drawer that contained almost 
nothing elsc. From the hook on the bath- 
room door. the usual resting place for 
slips, nightgowns, pajamas and show. 
caps, she removed the only item hangi 
there, а short terrycloth robe, and. put 
on. From one of its pockets she took a 
deck of cards and began dealing five 
hands of poker to herself, each of which 
she played with fierce concentration. I 
nd wondered if I had be 
invited into her sparse chambers for an 
thing more than fresh combat at poker. 
І thought perhaps that it was the only 
ay she could make love, that entice- 
ment and submission for her had no 


when 


“Congratulation 
len-ounce . . 


meaning if they were not joined to the 
symbols of the game she had mastered, 
and that she would expect me to take а 


lovers pleasure im a night of intimate 
cardplaying, 
However, when she completed ihe 


hands, she put the cards away and sat 
quietly, her legs folded, on the edge ої 
the bed. 

“L was telling my fortune,” 
softly. 

“Those were pol 

iling.” 
“I have my own way of telling what's 
g to happen to me with a deck of 
ds," she said, beginning to unfasten 
her robe. 

“And am I going to happen to you?" 
sked, watching her body reveal itself. 
thinking that. there was something omi- 
nously impossible about its beauty 

“I you're not afraid 10," she said 
cumly, continuing to undress until she 
wore ng but her diamond, and 
1 all hun 


she said 


hands were 


you 


di 


un \ fear seemed petty. 
I think back on that night and always 
wonder if the pleasure E felt w: 


such intense bodily joy w 
ble with someone whose reality 1 would 
forever question. Could I have thought, 
in а room whose most memorable hu- 
man ornaments were a large clock and 
a calendar, that I was in а perfect pleas 
ure dome where, for the first time, I 
derstood what it was to be ov 
by raw sensation, to be subm 
beauty of another's body so deeply that 
it became the beginning and end of 
wanting, the answer to all questions, the 
obviation of all thought? All my previous 


It's an eight-pound, 
. longue... 


med tepid spasms compared 
t Daisy drew from me, and in 
her manipulations all of love's lesser de 
lights took on the grandeur of complete 
consummations, The pinch and the са 
ress, the obscene and tender phrase, the 
selfish demand and selles compla 
sance, everything between the bounda- 
ries of pain and pleasure infused such 
intense feeling through my body that I 
suspected 1 was being transformed, that 
I was acquiring a carnal form possessed 
of a thousand times greater sensitivity 
than the one that had dutifully s 
me in the past, a form far less 
sated, ready to be stirred to desire as 
soon as it felt the signal from the woman 
who created it. She would couch it with 
her diamond, sliding the stone gently 
along the length of its spine, and though 
it had paused in its frenzy for the space 
of no more than a half dozen breaths, 
andy fresh susceptible 
t0 delight as it would have been had 
it never before experienced а love 
fondling. 

Т use this q 
this separation of mi 
the pronoun it, because, as I reflect, I 
don't believe my mind spent the night 
that Gardena motel. Perhaps. boggled by 
so much beauty and pleasure, it had 
demurely withdrawn, allowing my senses 
to indulge themselves unchaperoned by 
reflection, an opportunity that they took 
Tull advantage of, even to the point o 
usurping the rights amd privi 
thonght, for they tumed Daisy 
into pure logic, her thighs into a refined 
mathematics, her mouth and tongue 
irrefutable arguments, 


d from their 


189 


PLAYBOY 


190 


made her seem 
сейей or would 


analytical restraints, th 
all the philosophy 1 
ever want 


However. 1 had not been made im- 
mortal, and when morning came, I 
awoke chained and anxious, uncertain 


where 1 was or exactly whom I was with. 
Daisy was silting in a chair, thumbing 
throug! d occasionally jot 
g down something in a notebook she 
balanced on her knees. She was naked. 
her body caught in a litle shaft of sun- 
light, and I marveled at how even the 
practical view that comes with morning 
could not diminish her beauty. 

: of my staring at he 
ng up from her read 
she asked if 1 wanted collee, and 
with this offer I knew that I was back in 
time and that am ordinary day 
was about to begin. 

Did you believe what I told 
about my husband?" she asked, her back 
to me while she fussed with cups and 
saucers. I was following the contours of 
her body, trying to find some touch of 
asymmetry, some reassuring imperlec- 
tion, and answered that it hadn't mat- 
tered whether or not she'd made up her 
scorpions. 

"Thats good." “Because 1 
can't stand people who care whether 
stories are true or not.” 

"They're like poker players who want 
to know if you were bluffing after you 
ke them fold," I said. 

She was pleased at this and ki 
when she brought the cofice. 

"Speaking of stories,” 1 said 
pointedly around (he room, “ha 
ly lived here for three years?” 

"It doesn't look it, does it? It’s because 
1 don't have any things,” she 
ly. “But Em going to. Just as sod 
made the amount of money at poker 
that I've set out to. 
How much is that? 
At first М was а hundred thousand. 
dollars. But the list of things | want 
keeps growing, so now I've pushed it up 
to two hundred and fifty thousand. But 
That should buy enough 


yo 


issed me 


looking 
€ you 


nas Гуе 


She invested the word things with 
deep, wistful feeling, as though. it con- 
the most precise ambition, the 
most vivid purpose iu her life. When I 
didn't seem to understand her enthus 
asm, she went to the chair and сате 
back with the notebook she'd been writ- 
ing in when | awoke 
ve got it all written down in here," 
she said gravely. “With the place to 
write to and the price. When the time 
nes. 1 won't have t0 w 
pping Look it over. 
a think P've missed anything.” 

While she showered, 1 sipped coffee 
ind glanced. through the notebook. 
‘There must have been over 1000 entries, 
of modern material wants that 
h "Rancho Colonial House 


veyed 


Ir 


ми ound. See if 


516.000. Sunfun Enterprises, 187 
Boulevard, Santa Bar a. Cali- 
"апа ended with “Colored Poly- 
nesian Sponges (six), 55.95, Oddsort 
Importers. Box 405, San Francisco." In 
between were items of furniture, orna- 
ments for the house, clothes, kitchen 
ion On that converted 
into a camping tent and a radio that was 
advertised powerful enough to receive 
messages from ships at any point or 
ocean of the world. Things that came 
boxes, bottles or shipping crates, things 
that would arrive with the manufactur- 
er's promise that they would always share 
your life and things that were meant for 
no more than a moment’ П were 
listed apparently in the sequence in 
which they'd come to Daisy's mind. When 
1 tried to gine them all together, all 
brought into the service of a single being, 
1 could envision nothing except great 
pyramids of trash with Daisy sitting satis 


use— 


fied and naked on top of them 
anything T've left out?" she 
sending little throbs of lust 


through me as she dried her body with a 
worn-out motel towel. 

“Do you really want all these th 
1 asked. 

“OF course. Why else do you th 
play cards every day? 
“I thought you loved poker.” 

Daisy frowned at this and delivered an 
mportant precept. “I don't love any- 
thing арои it. That's why Fin so good at 
it. I don't need it for any reason except 
10 get all the things l've written down in 
my book. Thats why I always win. 
That's why 1 can beat all those tight lit- 
Че old ladies. I have a goal. I'm not 
going to sit here turning cards forever 
hout a reason. 

She stopped and. poi 
book. 


"And 


ngs?” 


k 1 


led to the note- 


1 the: 


vs all 


That afternoon. and every afternoon 
for a month, Da ad 1 went to play 
poker. We would enter the clubs to- 
gether and then take seats in different 
mes, so that we wouldn't be forced to 
hat each other or he suspected. by 
We would 
almost until closing time, receive 
ipts for our winnings, and then go 
to the motel, where I would be 
turned into pure appetite for as long as 
1 could hold back sleep. 

Between poker and love, 
stories, wonderfully matter-of-fact 
counts of crimes and mayhem. At first 
only Daisy narrated, but aft few 
ays she let me understand that I was 
e for her e 
t equaled the bi 


ca 


the other players of collusion 


play 


there were 
ас 


g- 
of wicked deeds she had revealed 


raph 
10 me. And so. on alternating nights, we 
scotched, dispatched and ridiculed a 
good deal of the world’s population in 
our tales, trying to outdo cach other in 


ше number and heinousness of our acts. 


Af she daimed that as а child she had 
locked а claustrophobic aum in a broom 
closet, I would counter w 
cious assault on 


а sad, 
aged himself 
immediately after changing her grade 
from Е to A. I recounted how a young 
when I demanded that she 
jeté through а window four stories above- 
ground to prove she loved me, had done 
so with ркаш of joy as a prolog to 
the leap that would ieave her crippled 
forever, and how, when soon after I told. 
ving, she asked only that I 
ays keep her tattered ballet slippers 
nento of our love. 
and on we went in this way, never 
never with a playful look or 
expression. 1 had no idea what 
these tales meant 1 Daisy or what sort 
of у behind them. И! was, alter all, 
simplest to accept the life they made up, 
to believe that we were both unfeeling 
disposers of human beings, preter 
wills that responded. only to their own 
kind. It was simplest to believe this, since 
it was the most direct way to Daisy's bed, 
where all belief could be suspended 
the question why I was still in Gardena 
put aside until morn 


skepti 


ach day 1 awoke to find Daisy addi 


10 her list of things. From the catalogs 

nd magazines that made up her only 
ald carefully select an adver- 
iem or two for inclusion in that fu 
ture moment when money orders would 
be sent around the world to claim the 
personal spoils poker had won for her. It 
t these times that 1 would glance 
anxiously at the calendar on the wall 
and force myself to count the number of 
days that I'd passed in Gardena, to recall 
that 1 had set out to win and enjoy the 
entire world as a gambler, а world of de- 
light and discovery, with pleas 
varied and subtle th 
stupor, While Daisy auended to the cof 
fee, Т would resolve to leave, to pack 
and, without even waiting to cash the re- 
ceipts from my winnings, to depart. by 
the first means of flight on hand. But 
then Daisy, as if sensing this resolutio: 
would come toward the bed, offering her 
body like a potion, to be sipped or 
drained in a single gulp according to my 
whims, and the world [ would go to 
led away, and 1 owned no anil 
that she could not satisfy. 

1 had, of couse, read m 
such sensual enchainment, but 1 had 
never before believed them. The con- 
queror who throws away honor and em- 
for idy's arms, 
the lovers who damn their souls forever 
the finely wrought 
poet's agony for empty-headed Бену 
such situations ] had always felt belonged 
to the mythology of human feeling, to 
the need to dramatize desire, to infuse it 
with the overblown auributes of destiny 


n 


ny stories ol 


“Hi, there. Wouldn't you like to [ree your 
wife from washday drudgery? You can, simply by insisting 
that she always buy new miracle Gush...!" 


191 


PLAYBOY 


never 


ON from JDL, Eis 
something you ve proba 
m s p " 


the other half of the music. 


(JBL hos perfected an entirely new sound system. The most 
astonishing part is a new high frequency transducer rhat 
con fill a room with the high half of sound. It works — well, 
ir works like a nozzle.) 


We're going ro ralk abour acousrics 
and harmonics and all sorts of 
heawy stuff for the nexr minure or 
two. We'll try to do it with merciful 
brevity. Dur at the end we're going 
to unveil a new $396 loudspeaker 
called Jubal. 


For that kind of money, you're 
entitled to know what you're 
1ı Qetting into. 


First, music. 

Half the music you hear is in the 
low and midrange of sound. 
"Fundamental tones,” they're 
called: the human voice, a piano, 
a guitar, a violin, a trumpet, 
whatever. That's where you hear 
the basic shape and form of sound. 

But the character of music, the 
music of music — overtones, onset 
tones, all the harmonic shading 
and texture and subtlety are 
hidden in the highs. (Without them 
you couldn't tell a flute from а 
trumpet from a piano.) 


Any good sound system is 
designed го disperse sound 
throughout the room. What you 
hear and feel is direct and reflected 
sound. Together they create 
ambient sound, the sense of being 
in the middle of something 

Now, as long as the music is in 
the low and midrange, the 


traditional tweeter will spread it 
around. But as the tones go higher, 
he tweeter narrows its range. 
There's а pea-shoorer effect. You 
have to stand directly in front of the 
speaker to hear the high highs. They 
never get to the rest of the room. 


The Nozzle: 


Its formal name is the JBL O77 
Ultra High Frequency Transducer. 

Ir was developed because the 
world of recording and listening is 
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auditoriums and living rooms are 
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But sound is conical, circular, 
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The Nozzle* accepts enormous 
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and disperses it into a near-perfect 
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The result? Pure, bright, 
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Nice. 


Enough words. Go hear the 
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If you thinks Jubal sounds like 
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The Jubal is the smallest floor system we make. 
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Wherc-Io-Buy-l? Use REACTS Сані — Page 235 


PLAYBOY 


"Materially speaking we've 
been on the decline, but spiritually we re doing 


much better, 


so that man could take his pleasures 
somewhat seriously. In the sensual world 
Га known, I had found no such compel 
ng embodiments of passion, no inca 
nate beauty хо fateful that it could hav 
disfigured my life. Like most of my cor 
s. I went from body to body 
ded, a disinterested sensualist 
abstracted. self-preoccupied lover with 
enjoyments. 
a that it impossible to 
h those heights, or depths, of physical 
that brought ruin to noble 
There could be no one in the 
world like Daisy, no one whose physical 
beauty could adumbrate my life so that 
1 could no longer see its clear and distinct 
purpose. 
But as time passed, I discovered other 
ise. I became the fettered consort to 
the woman who ruled over the poker 
palaces of Gardena, a position that dark- 
the good opinion I had of myself 
but that was curiously honored by her 
withered subjects. Wherever I sat to 
play. they treated. me now with a special 
deference, offering to ide me in 
their conspiracies against unwary 
tourist, even, I believe, at times propi 
g me wi Ш bets on hands they 
suspected were lost 


as 


natures. 


e 


One evening, du break im pla 
alt that fateful hand 
I'd lost to Daisy tipped his stained hat to 
me as T passed his table in the restaurant 


nd asked that 1 join hi 


thank you.” 


“How you doin’ today?" he inquired, 
aher insisting on buying me a steak 1 
the one he had in front of him, which he 
prodded from time to time with his for 
but never tasted. “You run into any fat 
ones 


I's been prey slow." I said, wonder- 


ing if such а thin, reedy throat was сар: 
ble of passing a solid piece of meat to 
the stomach. 

ТП liven up, son." he said and 
winked. “I hear part of the fleet’s come 


in to San Diego. That means we should 
be gettin’ а lot of sailor boys down here 
over the weekend. You can squeeze а lot 
of juice from them.” 

“Is poker all that attracts them to 
dena?" I asked. “Isn't there a whor 
house or two around where they can 
at Teast get а little pleasure for th 
mon 


r- 


The old cowboy stiffened. 

“We don't have noth ke that 
Gardena.” he said. his ve ling with 
atisfaction, “And that’s a funny 


ugged 


My compani and rasped 


out a little burst of 1а! 


the finest-lookin’ 
ion 


its best poker pl 
D asked the cowboy wl 
s won, he and all the other regular 
customers still played with he 

^ "Cause it’s an honor to have her in 


С this were f. 
that shouldn't have to be explained. 
“From the first time she came here, we 
knew she wasn't no tourist.” 

At this point we were joined by wo 
nen who were in biner dispute 
hand one of them had lost the 
previous night. and the conversation be- 
came what it would usually be during 
such interludes. Someone would recount 
an entire evening's poker session. card 
hy card, while the rest sighed and made 
comments on how hard it was get 
ting to squeeze a profit from the game 

ws came next, bladders and 
caused agony matched against 
spells of vertigo and consti inal- 
ly. the rising price of those pills and 
t sustained them and how one 
had best pass away quickly before а de- 
cent death became too expensive. It was 
the tired, empty banter of the aged. ex- 
cept that when anyone mentioned an 
event from the past or the doings of 
their children, there would be a silence, 
as if something ill-mannered had been 
nd the speaker would hurriedly 
g the conversation. back to a subject 
rdena contained, а subject that 
would not spill over into a memory or 
conjure up images of extrancous life 


“It’s your turn to tell 
said. 1 was undressing I 
only recently gra 
no desire to dilute with our usual Gr 
Guignol narrative 

"You've heard all my stories." 1 said. 
drawing her sweater over her raised a 
nd admiring the abrupt. pert apy 
ance of her breasts 

"No | haven! stepping 
back, her arms folded across her chest. 
“Tell me something terrible you did.” 

The way she had withdrawn and cov- 
ered herself angered me just long 
enough so that I began a story unlike 
y T had told her 
ЗАП right, Daisy. Once when I was a 
student in New York. I got very drunk 
t off to find a girl I knew who 
ways happy to see me. no matter 
ne of day or night I appeared. 
She lived in one of those huge. old apart- 
ment buildings on upper Broadway that 
had been converted into a place of 
thousand cheap rooms—cubicles for st 
dents, addicts, prostitutes and anyone 
1 refuge, by the 
the year, The inside of the 
had been chopped and twisted 
maze of corridors, abrupt parii- 
nd stairs that often led nowhere 
ат as many people in as possible, 
1 been improvised between the 
wings of the building, so that the 
number on the doors meant nothing 
па many of the rooms had only a eur- 
in front of them for privacy. 
As 1 said, Daisy, I was drunk, and 
I couldn't find the room the girl was 
in. 1 walked and walked, list 


story.” Daisy 
er, a privilege 
nied me and that I had 
nd 


she said, 


else in need of economi 
hour or 


abi 


|! y i 


| ШО " 
UM 
Two one-of-a-kind originals. 
Two one-of-a-kind originals: ELLIOT GOULD, irreverent, uncompromising 
film star. JIM BEAM, the world's finest Bourbon. 


PLAYBOY 


196 


doors, hearing groans, coughs. sighs and 
rguments, and sometimes а scream or 
very soft weeping. 1 passed people in the 
ways, but they had no idea who the 
girl was I was looking for or where I 
could find her if they did. Finally, I gave 
up and started. down a flight of sta 
thought would lead to the buildi 
lobby. Instead, it ended abruptly 
front of a door, а door with no number 
or name on it, which 1 supposed led 10 


nother corridor or landing. And so I 
opened it. 
"You know what was behind the 


door? A room with a cot, a sink and 
maybe a chair or two. And standing in 
front of the sink, right under а bright 
hanging light bulb, was a naked man, 
very old, with skin shriveled and wrin- 
Мей past anything I'd imagined age 
could do. He was washing clothes in the 
sink and hanging them to dry on a 
dothesline that sagged from the ceiling. 
He had a ragged piece of wash in his 
hand when I burst in and he clutched it 


10 him as though he thought I meant to 
steal it. 

^D st gize. but then Т saw 
отеп nd remarkable. 


The old man sported an erection, Daisy. 
a huge. torturously rigid erection that 
rose out of all that wrinkled skin as 
though it were completely independent 
istened to. I couldn't 
believe there was sill such desire in 
someone so beyond any hope of fulfill- 
g it, and J kept staring at the smooth, 
inflamed flesh umil the old man mod 
estly covered it with the tattered bit of 
indy he'd been holding in his hands.” 
What d to h 
asked impatiently 

I was terrified 
d down a v 
found а м 


of the body 


1 you do 


up the stairs 
dors until 1 
building.” 

t Ki 


out of the 


"d of мо 


ms morc 


Опе that 


does desire w 
another story 


Ay said 


"No more tales of horror, Daisy. I 
beginning to be offended by them. I'm а 
man of some literary taste, yi у be 
surprised to discover, and the tales we 
tell each other are cheap. gory little 
dreams that try to make the world look 
despicable. 
Daisy remained a sullen blankness, so 
1 spoke more bluntly 
"m а gambler, I 
nothing in € 
Her expression. indi 
stood this but did not approve. 
“I know the world can be ten 


but it's alo a paradise of surprises, at 
least except for its G: 
"Fm not friphte 
Daisy said coolly. 
“The me,” D said. "PHI 
teach you everything I know and we'll 
share everything I'm going to win." 
“How do you know you're going to 
Daisy asked, and since I had no 
answer, she added, "And I dont have 
to be taught anything. 
"Don't you want something more t 
to be the poker queen of Gardens 


come with 


verytl I want Гуе written 
down. And it's all going to be sent to me 
here, all the things I've won because I 


сап beat anyone who comes to Ga 
with poker on his mind 
"You'll never win enough." 
"You'll never catch up with you 
“ГИ know when to quit 
"Good poker players know 
I admitted. “But only 


when to 
Iter they've 
nown what it is to lose. Since you're al- 
ways going to win, you'll go on forever, 
you've filled a thousand notebooks." 


Daisy didn’t understand this image of 
empty infinity. She seemed puzzled. al- 
most hurt by what it implied, as though 
Thad crudely insulted her. 

“Do you want me to tell you who I 
really am?" she said shyly. Amazed at 
this capitulation, 1 answered that 1 did, 
and I prayed to be surprised and touched. 

‘When I am sure,” she said, suddenly 
gain herself, “absolutely sure уй 
never going to leave. Then VII stop all 
the stories à ach other our 
real secrets. 

She unfolded her arms and stood so 
that I could finish the disrobing. And 
when she was 
ness in the motel room, I fe 
long as we both knew I was not destined 
to stay with her in Gardena, there was 
no pressing need to rush away from so 
much pleasure. And when, as I lay down 
beside her, she still insisted on a story 
moti- 


ed, а nacreous white- 
that as 


she approved of. I told her how 
vated by boredom, I h: 


l once assassi- 
nated а powerful minister of state 
thereby sent half the world to w 
my amusement. 
Sometime after that night. I stopped 
playing poker. I grew tired of w 
every day, half as much as T 
The game had become nothing 1 
empty labor, a usurpation of that 
strength 1 wanted for the love Daisy and 
le at night. And so, each day after 
she left, 1 would spend the afternoon 
about 
quickly wi 
stores and superm 
The day I discovered that items were 
ng entered in Daisy's ledger that were 
nt for my future use, І vowed to 
leave. The list of things—among which 
were a battery-operated у, 
straw house slipp 
buck Complete Gentlemen's Den, 


duding its 100-volume set of abridged 
jassics—read like an indictment and an 
irrevocable sentence, and 1 flung the 
Book of Things to Be against the wall, 


dressed and went to the bank to with- 
draw the money Т had put there. Then. 


still full of resolution, muttei 
self the catalog of monstrosities ıl 
Daisy had destined for me, I reti 
the motel and earnestly be: 
But then, among the clothes we had 
mingled when 1 moved into her room, 1 
E ll. white rai- 
ment that was always the last item to be 
slipped from Daisy's body when I u 
dressed her at night. 1 stared at this 
token of the feeling that prevailed be- 
tween us and I couldn't help touching it, 
squeezing the little triangle of slick nylon 
in my hands, ig it across my cheeks, 
head and lips. Before 1 put it down 
all resolve to 1 
from me and 1 
that I 
forev 


ng to my- 


rival when 
i; o the 
motel's office and told there w tele- 
phone call for me. It was the old cowboy 
who informed me in a brisk, dry voice 
that Daisy was involved in what ap- 


peared would be a long session at the 
poker table with a film producer named 
Dorian Goldman and that | shouldn't 


expect her home at the usual t 

The tinge of unease I felt w he 
hung up swelled into full panic by the 
time I returned to our room. 1 was some- 
one now addicted to precise sequ 
y needs’ punctual fulfillment. 
sudden rupture in the сс 
come to expect made me um: 
fearful. 

It was nearly closing time when I en- 
tered the casino and most of the tables 
were empty. Nevertheless, there seemed 
to be more noise in the room than I had 
ever heard before, heavy, gi 
bellowing that was complet 
occasional whine or gambling i 
tion that rose out of the и 
In the far corner of the тооп 
full and а good number of people 
stood as spectators around it. As 1 ap- 
proached, I glimpsed Daisy, controlled 
lovely, in the process of studying he 
rds. On either side of he 
ladies, т thin and (t 


йу 1 had 
bly 


one t ble 


we 


€ two 


atoid than 
any I had seen before, staring blankly а 
the cards in front of them. Two men, 


who looked as though they might be the 
women's mates, had seats next 10. them 
and on either side of the fi 


. booming out 
a monolog while he played that. sus- 
ned by frequent sips from a silver 
flask he drew from his coat. pocket, cele- 
brated himself and his achievements. He 
was a heavy man, but not fat, with shoul- 
ders that seemed to begin just beneath 


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PLAYBOY 


198 


d and tanned, 


his cars. His face was ro 
with large black melancholy eves that 
pse and fell while he talked as tho 
he were am old actor playing to the 
cheapest seats in the balcony. What hair 
he had left he combed shamelessly for- 
ward, so that the top of his brown head 
was covered with tiny, slick serpent 
curls. He wore a blue pinstripe busin 
E пей barely able to cont 
his bulk, a white shirt and silver 
both of which had been spotted by the 
contents of the flask. 

. this is the only wa 
ix when you've wound up a deal like 
the one Гуе just made. Whe wants to li 
h some boring weekend sweetheart 
Acapulco when you can turn a few c 
and sec how your luck's running? What 
the hell. g 
can hit this straight right in the belly." 

1 caught Daisy's eye as one of the old 
women dealt Goldman what he had re- 
quested, She was composed and imi 
late, а perfect and frightening opponent 
to Goldman's babble and dishevelment. 
She took one card and ber without 
comment. Goldn 
then tossed them aw: 
“Weal, maybe i 
me to fill inside st 
his flask, then slipped it w 
to one of the floormen, who, 
ing was officially forbidden in the 
room, discreetly retired to earn | 
Then Goldman looked admitingly 
Daisy. 

“You're really serious about this game. 
sked, and then laughed 
at his own question. "Why shouldn't you 
Everyone is serious about something. 


mme one card and ГИ see 


cu- 


glanced at his cards, 


That is, yone but my son Arthur, 
who has told те, after I went into six 
figures to get him a Ph.D. in history, 


that he is too sensitive to take anything 
seriously. He says he can't stand disap- 
pointment, so he has ro be frivolous. 
He'd make some poker player with that 
philosophy. 

Goldman folded his next two hands 
before. betting aisy, in order to 
keep the ing too depend- 
ent upon lingness to play any 

dy dealt to him, went through the 
x а small 
ple. From 
н front of 
her, she was winning well over 51000, all 
j, Fassumed. from Goldman. The last 
ry in my column of the ledger had 
been ап ralian-made electric typewriter 
cost 59: 


nd ] shuddered at how 
у erecting in my honor 
а tomb of merchandise. T looked 


Daisy had told 
‚ the lessons of Tife-created weakness 
toyed with and exploited by a w 
indifferent to any complete human feel- 
or moral gloom. There had heen 
times when I imagined Daisy might love 


me. times wh 
be her life's only honest risk. But seeing 
her now, in her absolute regnant beauty 
nd crystallized hardness, 1 knew I had 
capitulated to the shallowest temporal 
passion and deserved no more of grace 
than that which I found in bone, orifice 
nd flesh, and which, with my eyes, 1 im- 
plored every time they met Daisy 

But she was too engrossed sack 
of Dorian Goldman to give me апу re- 
sponse. After the brief pause from play 
that followed the introduction of his son 
into his chatter. he committed himself to 
three large pots and lost them all. He 
boastfully chastized himself during and 
fter the play of each of these hands, re- 
alling how his father, a shoen from 
the Sudetenland. had worked а year in 
his New York shop to make what his son 
had squandered on the ssort 
of feeble cards. He reminded lı 
aloud of the demeaning things his mot 
had been forced to do in order to s 
each month а sum equal to that which 
he'd paid to have his flask refilled, how 
she had died with her fists clenched on 
her chest and how neither the rabbi nor 
his father could pry them open so that 
she could be buried in an attitude of 
peace. 

“I am going to need more d 
said after committing all he ha 
of him to а hand he dee 
of even showing after Daisy had called 
him with a pair of kings. With the dex- 
terity of a bank clerk, he counted out З 

5 and handed them to the floor- 
fifteen million sunk into 
the picture Гуе waited all my life to pro- 
duce, wh few thousand more to celc- 
brate completing it? 

While Goldman's chips were being 
counted, someone dully asked the name 
of the film. Goldman smiled and his eyes 


s.” he 
front 
ned unworthy 


would evoke. 

“The Man Who Bought the Roman 
Empire.” he said in a manner that made 
one fecl he was revealing a formula lor 
glory and success that had been obvious 
10, but ignored by, everyone in the 


world except him. The 
achievement was met with silence, se 
Goldman, 1 voter, offered 


10 bribe his audience. 
“The man who bought the Roman 
Empire," he said, as if repeating the 
punch linc of a story that had not been 
understood. "Опе hundred dollars says 


boy 1 blurted ош. “Didius Julianus." 
"What do you do? Hustle history?" he 
asked as he handed me the S100 bill. 


"He's a famous man," I said. “Every 
schoolboy has 10 learn The Rime of the 
Roman Emperors. "Thou 
good, oll Pertinax 
got the 
For a re 


" 
alianus pays 


and, tch of chips in front of 
him, Goldman nodded that he was 
to play. However, before looking 
cards, he glanced back at me w 
drunk penetration and asked if I thought 
he had a good subject lor a motion pic 
ture in Didius Julianus. The tone of the 
question had no t 
it was infused w 
а need for some 
the vision of Dori 
investment. It had been a long time since 
I had felt such а frank emanation of 
doubt amd concern over the outcome 
of such а human venture, and by virtue 
of my knowledge of The Rime of the 
Roman Emperors, I ed Goldman 
that he had a rich, dynamic subject lo 
the screen, oue that should provide deep 
moral lessons. in a suitably entertaining 
form. of course, about the dangers of 
portal ambi 
buy 


that.” Goldman shouted. 
ber down in the center of 
blc. “Mortal ambition. Boy, have 1 
mortal Mortal on 


nbition. ambi 


had 
made me produce fifteen horror. films 


about professors who turned into insects, 
housewives who became ca Is and 
visitors from outer space who took over 
the bodies of a majorleague baseball 
А gruesome list, but they made me 
a millionaire. And TI tell. you some- 
thing, 1 was never ashamed of my mon- 
sters. They were i 
lile behind Dr 


in taste and audience арр 
Goldman laughed at himself and then 
called с Daisy had made. She 


showed three sevens. 

"What do you know? 
ing his cards out smoothly i м of 
him. “I made a full house and didn't 
even know it, L was talking so much." 

Tt was the first hand I had seen Gold- 
man win and Daisy glanced sharply at 
me, her eyes making a pointed acct 
tion. I took one retreating step from the 
table but then stopped. Aware what I 
risking, I nevertheless gave I 
just the hint of а defiant smile and asked 
Goldman how he had ever thought of 
making a movie about the m 
hi the Roman Empire. 
“Destiny.” Goldman тоа 
long swallow fr 
reached that po 
0 on thinking up bi; 
ос do something t 
n Goldm 
d died while he was here. I 


he cried, f 


at showed 
that Dori gave а damn how 


he lived a 


anus fellow 
1 my talk about doing a really big 
picture, that it was like I wanted to buy 
an empire for myself. So 1 do а little re- 
search and 1 find out that this Julianus 
really did pick up the whole « 1 
empire at an auction held by the soldier 


that I rem: 


Lio BEL oper 
cordially invites) ote lo view 
Television Celebration 


MBC) 
fel 2 СА м. 
(бё. 23, 1974 


(Check local television listings for the time in your area) 


E) 


PLAYBOY 


200 He does all right, bu 


at nice sweet old Perti- 
Шу. 1 bet a flush 
to walk home, but ГЇ give 


а figh 


who had killed th 

+ fellow. О! 
neil I 
you this one without 

Goldman turned up five dubs, and 
from the way Daisy tilted her 
head to look at them, I gathered that she 
had held a better hand and had counted 
on Goldman's losing at least 5300 or > 
should he ha 


time in а way that made me realize that 
she was displaying the full force of her 
beauty, the sum of what 1 stood to lose 
if, by staying, 1 became Goldman's ally 
dating w: 
ig and I might have heeded it had 1 
not suddenly noticed someth 
about her face, something that 
the heart to encourage Goldman's crude 
enthusiasm about himself. I pulled a 
chair up to the table and asked if I 
might try a sample [rom the 

“Help yourself," Gok 
body else want some. be п 

There was a long pause, and then one 
of the old ladies, whining softly about a 
pain in her hip. flaucred her hand 
toward the flask. It shot back into her 
p when Daisy snapped the cards and 
ked i vere going to continue the 


against her. It was an intin 


Goldman said. 
started getting lucky in this plac 
As one ol the old men dealt, I took a 
long drink Irom the flask while 1 secretly 
scanned Daisy's face. 1 had been right. 
here was something there that I'd never 
seen before. Beneath her eyes were two 
crescents of shadow, two bits of moor 
shaped darkness so faint that they would 
have been noticed by no one except a 
scholarly lover who had scanned and 
memorized every millimeter of her body. 
What did vou find out about Juli 
anus" I asked Goldman. placing the 
flask on the table between us. "I don't 
remember much about him except that 
he was ап ambitious senator. 
Forget senators," he said, flashing me 
nd to show that he had just raised 
one of the old ladies on a pair of eights. 
"There's no dr guy who's been 
I his life taking a 
shot at being emperor of the world. No, 
I told the four screenwriters I hired that 
I wanted a self someone who 
starts off with nothing amd works his 
way up in life he thinks that the 
only thing left for him to do is own 
the world.” 
“Definitely an 


"ve just 


asily bluifed the 
Id lady from the pot with his two eights 
ind a bet made in midsentence 

"For fifteen million I get to cr 
own history," Goldman laughed. "And 
what a history! I just closed my eyes and 
tried to imagine how I would have 
it in those days So we have Ju 
starting off real low in the world, hus- 
ding run-down slaves im the pro 


show business, he gets an idea to start 


putting on some sex spectacles and he 
soon starts catering flesh 
shows for private part . You 


ке 
stuff the 


can imagine what scenes that will n 
оп the wide screen. 


Some of th 
h even gave me a li 
tle moral shudder. 1 mean. сап you be- 
lieve a girl and a bull going at it in front 
of a mixed company of fifty people 

g dessert? But it's historically accu- 
rate and t, so no one can start a 
legal hı bout it." 

The rest of the table had been made 
uneasy. The men shook their heads. the 
women squirmed and the old cowboy, 
who stood behind Daisy's chair, beg 
Не tremble of rage. I felt that they 
might shatter under the impact of Dorian 
Goldman's creative energy, especially 
since he had just won a good-sized pot 
with а broken straight and a series of ab- 
sent-minded bets. Daisy had not stirred, 
her at the mention of catered orgies 
t the ending of the hand. But the 
idows had darkened a little and there 
was just the trace perhaps of iwo thin 
lines at the corners of her mouth, Not 
enough, I thought, to liberate me, even 
with the transfusion of glorious ambi- 
tion that I was receiving from Goldman, 
who had bought the man who bought 
the Roman Empire. But if he could keep 


winning, if he could sustain in me the 
excitement of visionary gambles, then 
Daisy's spell might be broken long 


enough for me to flee through the crack 
1 her perfection. 

"Politics, greed. ambi 
there.” Goldman continued, 


ing 
jueduct, pu 
part of tow 
his mother's memory. He's so 
confident that gold can do everything that 
he even, in his prayers. allers Apollo а 
million in cash to rent the sun for a 


h the 
" 1 asked, closing my eyes ау Gold- 
п drew three cards to a pair of j 
alter enduring a quartet ol т: 
1 opened them. I saw il 
and two fours had arrived 
exclaimed, 
k high in salutation. “J 
writer who put that in the same qucs- 
‚ and he tells me it’s because Juli 
10 transcend, whatever that me: 
1 the hell, it’s a good scene 
rt, when it’s first-class, doesn't have to 
be understood. TH call and r: 
As he trusted the transcendence of Ju- 
nus, so he was now all confidence in 
Is’ good fortune, and he often bet 
t even looking at those that came 
to him after the draw. While he was 
ing how Julianus fell in love 
the Circus Maximus for his wedding, I 
began to fill myself with the strength of 
human audaciousness again. I felt once 
more the strong, proud, slightly pomp- 


sun 


tic 
E 


ous call to high deeds and manly ex 
ploits, to the keeping of those promises 
that the masculine soul makes to itself. 1 
looked with cruel restless eyes at Daisy, as 
Goldman droned on about his 515.000.000 
epic and saw her face begin to cra 


like crystal, the inde of 
igzagging through flesh that grew le 
nd flaccid and that dragged he 


tures into distortion. Her lips gr 
nd bloodless, her eyes swollen 
flamed. Thin, knotted veins appe 
her temples, which the strings of gray 
untended hair failed to cover. Wii 
cool adventurer's sight. I destroyed the 
assion that had hobbled me and made 
beauty reveal itself as an unworthy end 
for a noble imagination—or at least tha 
pable of being possessed by 
single body. To renounce the desire that 
had kept me in Gardena, I forced Г 
to assume a mortality she certainly was 
unaware of, to become successive por- 
traits of decay until she had withered to 
bone and her diamond was her only 
псе. Like all men who suddenly 
outgrow a passion, I took no тезро 
ity for this sad. transformati 
I thought, she had been after 
than death, a 
tality and huma 
she һай begun to beat Goldman. to 
win hand after hand while he babbled 
incoherently about the execution of Juli- 
mus 1 his severed head staring ar the 
п it could not rent, Daisy failed to re- 
store herself in my eyes. The beauty that 
returned with the acquisition of the 
producer's final chip I had at last made 
powerless, simply another of the world’s 
things that 1 had по desire to acquire or 
be enslaved to. 


1, got shakily to his feet and compli- 
med Daisy. He had lı 
him for a long while, he said, but he had 
been careless. However, hc assured us, 
with his movie he had not bee 

me of which he had i 
brooded over for months. Everythi 
can do he swore he had don 
s ready for hard critical judgme 

He agreed affably when I asked him lo 
drive me to Los Angeles, and. Daisy did 
not even look up from the careful stack- 
ing of her chips, even though it was « 
her 1 had spoken. I assumed that at that 
very moment she was making up a story 
about me, that the desire to gamble on 
myself, which had proved stronger than 
the desire she'd created in me, wits being, 
turned into а weakness that invited a 
punishing revenge. 

While Goldman waited in his car. 1 
packed in minutes and gave no last look 
at the motel room for memory's sake, 1 
did, however, once we were on the тоа. 
turn to gaze back at Gardena, but it was 
not a city to recede slowly in the dis- 
nce. It had simply dissolved aw 


STEP-AND-A-HALF 

(continued from page 102) 
before him, trying to kiss his hand, after- 
ward secking an autograph by the hand 
they had just kissed. It is, indeed, a 
puzzle. Before he lost his leg, Step had 
becn awfully poor. poor and unknown, 
and they say that а man never gets over 
a thing like that. 

Anyhow, you may as well read it here— 
all of it. Step presently started taking 
drank tea, tapping the 
че with his index fin- 
tly when 
to him, 
saying down his nose, "Yaas, what is it?” 

Step—our own lite laughing Step! 

И the nobody standing there, gripping 
his cap in both hands, wasn't used to 
being around great men, he would usual- 
ly just tum and flee—and who can 
blame him? I know I would have, 
bad enough, but what fi 
ve Step's enemies over the edge, 
though it doesn't particularly bother the 
chronicler, was when Chief Topwalker's 
loveliest daughter fell head over heels in 
love with Step—the lucky fellow! 

The Niggerheads were a passionate, 
t came to love, and it 
n tempestuous courtship. 
Princess Topwalker was a wild thing and 
i vays, though not in all, she had 
lie had flam- 
black A и, like a raven, and she 
reckless abandon. A lot of 
people thought all the messengers were 
going around with their tongues 
ing out just because they were so 
the reason. They w 
ng about Princess Тор- 
walker, coveting her delicious body. Not 
а one of them except Step loved the pil- 
grim soul in her, 
ad the 


hugged and 
over the niggerheads, for that 
e they usually met. If you think a 
forest, or a windswept sea- 
or a scorching desert offers a lot of 
privacy, it’s pretty obvious you've never 
made love in a field of niggerheads. 
That place makes those others look like 
Times Square on Saturday night 

th his carrying of big 
day, Step could 
only at night, 


race to get to th 
spot first, and when his s 
forth to meet him, he, having found just 
the right niggerhead to prop himself up 
on, would be standing there straight and 
proud as any brave. They would em- 
е, Step calling her his little Sweetpo- 
d she, him her Peachy 


little Mercury. 
They would then sit down on adjoin- 


humps and hold hands for a long 
¢. Princess "Topwalker talked a lot 


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4 
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of Historic Places by the United States Government. 


201 


PLAYBOY 


202 rolling around, he going “ 


“You've got lo admit their 


outright elimination of the hamburger 
€ E 


was a stroke of 


sheer financial genius!” 


bout her dreams to Step. One of her fa- 
vorites was of becoming a painter—that 
ога model. Once she threw open 
her blouse, showering buttons all over 
the swamp, to show Step what he was 
going to have Iree access to later on, ask- 
ing him if he thought she could make it. 
Brassieres weren't introduced into the 
Viggerhead tribe until after the mi 
ies came, in case you didn't know— 
those and linen thread, so buttons 
wouldn't pop off so easily. The last 
thing a Niggerhead maiden would hear 
from her mother before she left on a 
date was, “Either come home with your 
buttons or a hushand—one of the two,” 
but Princess Topwalker didn't care. Just 
like her father. 

To make a better judgment, Step got 
up to look closer and fell over back- 
ward. Princess Topwalker bent down to 
help him up, but he pulled her down 
stead, They did a lot of laughing and 


ff, ruff, 


least 


jon- 


nd she crying out over 


honey, not un 
lawfully wedded,” trying to button her 
now-buttonless blouse back up at the 


same time. She had a hard time tearing 
herself out of Step’s clutches, for he л: 


The old Niggerheads, 
еп, were a lot more moral and trad 
pinded than 
with the missionaries not having 
up yet to teach them things and all. 

This was how it went on for some 
months, Every night for Step it was a 
fast wash, a quick bite, then a hop, skip 
id a jump off for some more loving. 
The evening sessions of hugging and 
ing, kissing and hugging, and only 
upon Princess Topwalkers insistence, 
not his own, were broken up by long 
periods of cooling off. "Breathe 
called them. Sometimes Step. mopping 
brow and trying nicely to make hi 
collar larger without i 


she 


informality altogether. which would 
have necessitated his throwing off every- 
thing, would moan and groan, com- 
plaining weakly that he didn't think he 
could stand it much longer; this in his 
attempt to break Princess Topwalker 
down. But she was not to be broken. 
When things had reached this stage, she, 

ghty girl, while struggling to contain 
laughter, would only stand over him. 
n him with the front of her skirt, 
and poor Step would sink into that de- 
jr too deep for sound. 

But it was nor in the stars for Step to 
wed his beloved princess. О cruel Fate. 
O fink Furies, О leathe-hearted gods! 
The wedding date had long been set 
when the terrible thing happened. 

"The very night before the weddi 
dark and moonless night, the other mes- 
sengers. some tops. some bottoms, fell 
upon Step. catching him on flat ground, 
where he was most helpless. They kicked 
his little golden crutch aspinning, the 
falling Step crying out to his most trusted 
servant for help. While some of the 
bastards held him down, the others 
apped off his good leg at the knee, 
making him just like everybody else 
now, only shorter. 

"Now you sce how it feels, Mr. Lover- 
boy Bigshot Monopolist!” they all jecred, 
dancing in a circle around him now 

Step lay for a long time without 
ing where they had left him. At last his 
most trusted servant came to help him 
home. 

Step didn't show up for work the next 
day, or the next, but remained home in 
bed, hidden under the covers. It wasn't 
the physical pain he minded so much— 
Niggerheads, brave souls, were used to 
that—but the psychic. Oh, how it hurt 
Having been unique and famous for so 
Jong, can you think it was casy for him, 
this being just like everybody else now? 

Call it weakness. if vou like, call it 
cowardice, call it pride. Call it anything 
you want. The grim point is. the second 
night alter being waylaid, Step, without 
а word to anyone, without ev ing 
goodbye to his beautiful princess sweet 
heart disappeared, never to be seen 
agai 

To this day, the natives, choosing 10 
ignore the so-welldocumented fact of 
Siepandahalfs second maiming, 
that on moonlight nights you can still 
sce him racing across the boundless s 
ads, that long leg of his wor 
ing the bottom and his short the top, rui 
ing smoothly as if he were on rails, 
carrying something in his hand, though 
по one has any idea what it is. Some mes- 
age destined for the provinces, possibly, 
fanned out by Hermes, though Homer 
never mentions it. But much of this 
be found in any an Tar-northern 
history book, so need be dwelt on here 


no longer. 


ye 


of niggerh 


oak 1 4% 
kind of game that I play. The greatest 
cting jobs in the world are done at 
poker tables, Show me poker 
player and ГЇЇ show you a great actor. 
M soon as а man makes а phony move 
or a nervous gesture, 1 read that as an 
edge. IE you play with someone long 
enough, you pick up certain telltale 
physical habits. Like if a guy gets three 
sevens and his nose twitches. One guy I 
used to play serious poker with would 
ways cough when he thought he had the 
winning hand, let's say four cards in 
when he would raise. Aud it would cost 
him a fortune. When that happened, 1 
always folded. Fortunately, nobody ever 
told him about his coughing, My mother 
is the same way, but much more obvious. 
She lets out with a scream when she 
catches а pair. We usually play on New 


BERLE: My mother was a poker player. 
temmon: Let him finish, Milton. 
SAVALAS: It’s a Greek custom to play 
poker on New Year's Eve. The game 
includes my mother, my father 
ever first cousins happen to be 
It’s the conventional five-card 
a None of the 
rond stud, basc- 
I. The stakes are 


of food that includes a Greek Bread that 
ed with a silver coin inside. You 
slice for everyone who's playing 
poker. Whoever gets the slice with the 
coin will have good luck for the whole 


BERLE: There's a great story that really 
happened to my mother, which I told 
to Jule Styne when he was preparing 
Funny Girl for Broadway. And he put 
the story into the show. My mother was 
ic poker player but not а good 
one. I'd giv vance on Frid. 

shed blow it g poker over the 
weekend, and by Monday she'd be ask 
ing to borrow $20. People liked to be 
booked ou the bill with me on the Or- 
pheum circuit out of Chicago, know 
that my mother was а sucker and they 
d io make exta money 
th her- Ti i 
Thirt 


al 
ville bill w 
alter the show, Sophie and my 
were looking for a game, but they 
couldn't find anybody else. Just for thc 
action, they wound up playing two- 
handed po 
Midway ıl 
hand where they were т 

as going out of style. Finally, my 
id, “I'll see you, what have you 


ame one of the bi; 
T, in a scene between 


laughs in Funny Ci 
Jean Stapleton and Кау Medford. 


ch 


mamau: Blufing—the act of decep but you hav 


what poker is all about. You're have 


mor 


y. Dec 
nst the Jui 
"show you p 


al to be deceive 
. The game exemplifies the worst as 1 
pects of capitalism that have 
country so great. The other key to wine bluffing. When I wa: 
з poker is competent money manage- rus boy in Br 
ment. I's the only game where you can 
hold bad cards all night and win money dress 


g rooms and g 


by managing your capital correctly. In a ses, 580 а week. 5100 
good game, you can win the pot simply 5200 а week. T le: 


by beu 
You don't have to 
win. For es 


ample, let's say you have 15. w 
67 of spades, all right? And somebody name, two 20s. 
opens the pot wi 
Another guy raises $150. You call S900 delil 
d you raise S700. Two guys call you. оге calling my Мий. 
You go for your flush and you miss with out on my а 
deuce of diamonds. So you have noth- — wasn't as bad 
ing in your hand, right? OK, everybody having а bluff. 


aco-Christi. 
this game. 
ide our GOULD: You can also 


20s, | used to play h 
nd out my expen- 
week, sometimes 
med a good less 
ht amount of money. first time I got involved in a game our 
ve the best hand to side the theater, at the Bry 
playing short. I had only 510 to m 
one of the early I 
h 550. One guy calls. I bluffed. The guys I was playing 
мей for maybe four minutes be- 
ad suddenly T was 


alled. 


7 cks to vou. You bet S3000 and drive 

ı (continued from page 111) everybody out. You've 
Wt had any 
à busted hand. 


get 


When D resumed 


“We may be seeinga gradual return to 


law and order. I was knocked down and kic 


d in the 


elevator today, without being robbed." 


won thc hh. 
юй Cards, You 
d yet you v 
fellow 
ethic 


nt Hotel. T 


203 


PLAYBOY 


204 on a big bet like that more th 


the Alvin а 
: me a consist 
winner because instead of playing it very 
tight—as if the money meant a lot to 
me—I stayed loose. I was по longer 
pressing. 

LEMMON: Did you play backstage dur 
the Texaco Siar Theater days, Milton? 
BERLE Who had the time? We had 
enough to do, putting on a live show 
every week, The only thing that hap- 
pened in those dressing rooms was fuck 
g- But when 1 wa my 20s. 1 used 
to play table-stakes poker with Arnold 
Rothstein—the famous даш the 
1 Hotel in New York: $2000 
and 51000 last card. 1 stopped playing in 
305 because I lost too much. I wa 
te loose with my money. You can 
read all about that in my book. Berle 
An Autobiography, which was published 
last month. One Rothstein game I 
missed at the Park Central was the night 
he was killed after an argument over one 
of the hands. 1 was working a B'r 
Brith benefit out in Brooklyn. 
LEMMON: For a while. | was putting 
myself through college on poker, р 
at the Hasty Pudding Club at Ha 
T was а sed kid of 19 or 20 in the 
wartime Navy V-I2 program, getti 
paid like 38 bucks a month, We pla 
ре nickels and dimes; тошу 
seven-card stud. A dime bet was a big 
thing. 1 picked up ten bucks a month 
playing two or three times a week. That 
was a helluva lot of money then—25 per 
cent of what I was getting paid, anyhow 
After I began to make а decent living 
years nd got into 50-cent, one«dol- 
lar games, 1 never was icularly suc- 
cessful. Fortunately, it ickly dawned 
me that maybe the guys T was beating 
in college weren't that good and that Т 
wasn't a particularly skilled poker player. 
MATTHAU: | never was a good poker 
My low point сате when I was 
ing in а ССС camp in Bele 
the time I went to a gambling 
Butte оп а holiday and lose 
my money. I was stranded. So Т walked 
over to the railroad yards and hopped a 
freight train going north to get back to 
Belton. E was on that train for about 36 
urs and I hadn't caten anything. Sud- 
denly. T saw a mouse. Or a rat. I think it 
M T Filled that x: ad I cooked 
ad Late it. Tasted lousy. 

GOULD: | never had 1 bad. When 
1 was in my early teens, we played poker 
on the stoops of Brooklyn. brownstones 
Гог baseball trad 
betting money. 


playi 


g backstage, at 


ies 


ier 


Montana 
house 


ме а Johnny 


Pesky or a Gene Hermanski or an Ernie 
Lombardi. But youd save Joe Di 
Maggios. Stars were the last thing yc 


baseball c 


het. Anybody who bet 2 
on the last card really considered 
daring. because 25 cards was the equiv 
lent of an entire team. I was wiped out 
once. 


ly as the age of ten, I was 
g manipulation and magic tricks 
with cards. In later years, when 1 sat 
down at а table, most people who knew 
that wouldn't let me deal. In the picture 
Doyle Against the House, 1 dealt sec 
onds, thirds and bottoms with my own 
hands. One reason I don't play much 
poker anymore is that I'm quite 
mechanics and people are suspi 
MATTHAU: So you're one of those guys. 
huh? Years ago, there was am actor [ 
knew on the East Coast who put togeth- 
a ne that included a renowned card 
песһапіс he'd hired to sit in. That was 
something we found out much later. 
ter T lost several thousand dollars. | 
couldn't figure out why I wasn’t gening 
пу cards in that game. The actor, 1 
sume, split the winnings with 
chanic. That was the final straw, TI 
so sickened me that I just never played 
the game again for big money. 

BERLE: My last big poker game was in 
the Sherman House in Chicago. I must 
lost about $18,000 or 590,000 1 
ht and my mother bawled me out aft 
erward. I didn't mind it so much, b 
cause I was making plenty of money. It's 
all in my autobiography. What bothered 
me most was that, just like Walter wa 
saying, I wasn't getting the cards, cither. 
LEMMON: What also hurts is what hap- 
pened to me in 1956, on location 
Trinidad for à picture called Fire Down 
Below. Bob Mitchum, Rita Hayworth 
and yours truly. America’s aging juve- 
nile, Shooting was shut down during а 
rainstorm l we wa 
Son of a bitch if I didn't come np w 
yal straight flush. I couldn't believe it 
А natural royal straight flush! Th 
cards were hidden in seven-card. Shit! 
Fd ne even seen one before, much 
les played such а hand. Wouldn't you 
know it, everybody at the table dropped. 
They all went ont, It was devastating. 
Т made about a dollar and a half on 
the pot. 

MATTHAU: I don't know how the rest of 
you feel, but I don't particularly like to 


take money away from other people, cs 
ids. 


pecially from my fri That bothers 
me а lot. I'm а cardia 
of losing and w з 
both make me feel as though I'm going to 
ve another heart attack. Looking back 
the 27 years ] played poker for big 
‚ I've come to feel the whole alfair 
was disgusting. When 1 won. the ot 
guys were hurt, When I lost, I was hurt 
Unfortunately, the essence of poker is 
hitting the other guy over the he: 
taking his money away. 

GOULD: I don't like to sce anybody lose, 


either. I just like to have а good time. So 
I play, bur D rarely gamble heavily. 1 
don’t like to beat anybody, which I guess 


is a form of identification—because 1 
hate to be beaten. We played some 
poker between takes of California Split 
Some of the participants were guys like 


Amarillo Slim and Sailor Roberts, pro- 
ional gamblers who play in the b 
tournament every year and hap 
pened to have parts in the film. I Jost 
5800 the first time I sat down, The scc- 
ond time, І came out even. But some of 
the guys at the table were playing with 
very short bread. So it was a litle un 
comfortabl 
SAVALAS: As I've become more profi- 
i g cards, I find that I like 
be- 


ys feel guilty 
when I beat my friends in any kind of 
gambling game. Most of my poker action 
has been in casinos, because I enjoy 


buckin’ heads with the hous 
LEMMON: Every now and then, I've been 
in а game where a fellow is a couple 


of hundred dollars down and I'm squirm- 
ag because 1 know he can't afford it, 1 
don't like thar feeling. That's when 
Vl get all the cards and can't help wi 
caught 
ns be- 


folding good 
ause T didn't want to win too much. 1 
think there's a fine line that divides 
whether youre enjoying poker or are 
only there to win. 1 could be in a lot of 
the big games around town, but 1 
wouldn't enjoy it. E like playing with the 
broads—like my wife «nd Milton's wife 
at the Berles’, We play a dollar. Nobody 
gets killed. At times. Гус gone four 
hours without winning one hand. The 


most 1 can lose in an evening is a 
hundred and something. But I сап af 
ford that. In relation to what I can af 
ford, I'm not hurt. 

SAVALAS: Whar's the table talk like when 
you're playing with Berle? 

LEMMON: jesus Christ, have you ever 


seen his act? Sooner or later, all the one- 
line nifties are floating across the table 
as thick as cigar smoke. Since everybody 


"ows all his jokes, some: 
throws out tag lines. For varie 
double talk while he's deal 
1 think the son of a bitch tries out mate 
rial on us, too. And if it doesn’t work at 
the card table, he doesn't use it in his 
act. When he says he's going to the john 
I really think he's going to his joke files. 
Because, usually, he comes back with 
four more rippers in the next three 
minutes. 
BERLE: That reminds me of the time 1 
was playing with a guy who stid, 
play you for your act.” 1 sa 
пе by me, If you win, you'll only be 
ng Bob Hope's old materi 
way.” But, seriously, ] don 
much anymore—maiínly because Ive al- 
ly lost too. much gambling, betwe 
500.000 and $1,000,000, If you want 
me, you сап read about it 
itobiography. 
ough with the book, Milton 
а deal. 


mes he just 
. he does 
the с 


rds, 


ge 


Shut up 


ll 


Ж 
= 


“For the last time. Watson—the tobacco 
in the Persian slipper is mine!" 


205 


206 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


DO ETSI T NUT. 
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besides a seven-cent nickel and a good 
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makes sense. Ben De Córdova, r of 
The Hair Cutting Shop (10319 West 
Olympic Blvd., L.A.), says the hair on 
your head should be shaped to fit the 
body's natural contours. If your body's 
natural contours happen to resemble 
those of Quasimodo, don't worry. For $50, 
which includes a brush-off, Mr. De 
Córdova will have you looking like Warren 
Beatty. Would you believe Telly Savalas? 


HATS APLENTY 
Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, “The hat is the ultimum moriens of 
respectability.” Were he alive today, Justice Holmes would no doubt 
call Marvin Gammage, Jr., owner of Texas Hatters (1705 S. Lamar, 
Austin), the ultimum moriens of hatters, and chances are Marvin would 
belt him, as they don't speak Latin in Texas. Since he joined 
Texas Hatters, the family firm, Marvin has made hats for Congressmen, 
entertainers and thousands of ordinary people like us. A crew of 
five will whip up anything you desire, from beaver shag to a Hi-Roller, 


as seen here, complete with a rattlesnake band. Prices range from 
$15 to $100, depending on the design and material. Hat stuff! 


TRUMPED-UP SPADE 
The Maltese Falcon, аз described by the 
original Sam Spade, was “the stuff that 
dreams are made of.” Rastar Productions’ 
spool The Black Bird (. . . or The Maltese 
Falcon Flies Again!) will no doubt 
be the stuff that laughs are made of. It 
stars George Segal as Sam Spade, J 
Silla, a 32-inch midget, as the villa 
Lionel Stander and Elisha Cook, 
Jr. Need we say more, sweetheart? 


elix 


SNOW BALL 
Ever try riding a horse on a tightrope? How about catching fish with 
a staple gun? Well, we can't offer you those, but why not try а few 
holes of golf in 150 inches of snow? The World Championship of 
Snowgolf (Р. О. Box 758, Prince George, B.C.) expects up to 50,000 
people to do just that this winter. A tournament, consisting of two 
rounds of golf and three nights of 19th holing, starts February 21, 1975. 
The game uses one club per player, a bright-colored ball and a special 
tee, And there are rules such as admonish “any 
unnecessary holes in the cou f you want your own league, W.C.S. 
will send you all the information. Next ycar—underwater ping-pong. 


BITE THE BULLET 
In the good old days before 
the advent of anesthesia, 
wounded cowboys used to 
chomp down on a bullet to 
withstand pain. This resulted 
in multiple tooth fractures, 
but then cowboys weren't too 
bright anyway. Refining 
that glorious tradition, 
Haltom's Jeweler's (701 
Houston St., Fort Worth, 
Texas) has come out with а 
ver bullet suitable, if not for 
biting, at least for killing 
werewolves. It's made of 
sterling silver and costs $8.25 
postpaid. Or $16.75 will get 
you one on a chain. The 
Lone Ranger would love it. 


CUCKOO FOR CHOOCHOOS 
Now for only $7, you can amaze your friends with the facts that the 
Chattahoochee Valley Railway's Model SW1500 locomotive was 
built by С.М. in 1966 and weighs 258,000 pounds. These and other 
pertinent statistics on every diesel and electric locomotive owned, 
operated and ordered as of December 31, 1973, are included in a 
black book titled Locomotive Rosters of North America, avail- 
able from Northam Directory Association, 195 Cóte Ste. Catherine 
Road, Suite 1903, Montreal, Quebec. Casey Jones would flip. 


BEAU JEST 
Let's face it: Middle-class 
comforts have made Jack a 
dull boy. What happened to 
those youthful, romantic ideas 
of adventure you once had? 
Well, now you can 
recapture that Errol Flynn 
image by writing to Soldiers 
of Fortune, P. O. Box 151, 
Sylvania, Ohio. They'll send 
you the scoop on how to join 
the French Foreign Legion 
or dynamite а jungle town. 
You can even join S.O.F., 
provided you've got the 
qualifications. Insurance is 
optional; brains, too. 


ARCANA IN THE ROUND 
You say your local record store doesn't stock Cid 
Tanner & the Skillet Lickers or The New Missis- 
sippi Sheiks? Then try RoundHouse Records, 
a mail-order company that stocks every offbeat 
label it can find, and even has one of its 
own. (Check the record reviews in this issue 


fora sampling.) A quarter aimed at 


RoundHouse, P. О. Box 474, Somerville, 
Mass., will get you its catalog. You should 
live so long without Blind Lemon Jefferson. 


NATURAL RHYTHM 
We all have days when we're unaccountably 
cranky or blue. Doctors call it Biorhythmics— 
cyclic patterns of change in your energy. Here's 
a little gizmo, available from Biomate Ltd. 
(408 St. John St., London) for $10, that 
computes your intellectual, muscular and 
nervous-system rhythms for a complete year. 
You just set it by your birth date and 
turn the dials to see what mood you're 


going to be in next week. 


207 


PLAYBOY 


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SUPER SOUPS 


(continued from page 140) 
again?) nor many seafoods. To achieve 
variety in our meals, we must combine, 
flavor and invent. 

So to neglect one whole category of the 
menu is, at the least, absurd. Yet when 
was the last time you had a big soup and 
only that—with perhaps a salad and 
some fruit—and called it a real meal? 
The reason for the decline lies possibly 
in the fact that the great wave of immi- 
gration from Europe that brought with 
it, from Sweden to Sicily, such an im- 
mense diversity of the dish has now 
subsided into the third and fourth gener- 
ations—and а taste for powdered mashed 
potatoes. 

Let this be the moment for a revival 
Here following you will find a selection 
of the hearty soups—hot and cold, fish, 
flesh, fowl and vegetable—that should 
enable you 10 stage your own soup 

ular. 


spec 
Seajood Soups 


FISH BOIL 
(Serves four) 


2 pounds fresh lish, cleaned and cut 
1 slices lemon 

1 slices orange 

1 pinch saffron 

Salt, black pepper 

6 cloves 

1 clove garlic, chopped 

1 pinch thyme 
blespoons pa 
ge onions, qu 


sley, chopped 
rtered 


2 lange tomatoes, quartered 
% cup olive ой 
I boule dry white wine 


Water 

12 fresh dams, shucked 

12 uncooked shrimps, peeled 

In a large pot put fish, lemon and 
orange slices, saffron and a good dash 
of salt and pepper. Add cloves, garlic, 
thyme, parsley. onions and tomatoes. 
Pour in olivc oil, wine and enough water 


1. Bring to a fast boil and con- 
ing for 15 minutes. Add clams 
nother 5 minutes. 
with 


mps and boil 
Serve in large soup 
French bread. 


bowls hot 


SCALLOP SOUP 
(Serves four) 


1 pound scallops 
Juice of 1 lemon 
З cups chicken broth 
1 quart hal Cand half (lı 
f cream) 

3 tablespoons butter 

White pepper 

If bay scallops are used, they can be 
left whole. If sca scallops are used, cut 
them into quarters. Pour lemon juice 
over scallops and let stand. for half an 
hour or longer. Bring chicken broth to a 
nd add scallops with lemen juice. 


boil 


Simmer for 2 minutes and then add 


half-and-half, butter and a few grinds 
of white pepper. Stir well and simmer 
for 5 or 6 minutes more. 


cras sour 
(Serves eight) 


1 pound crab meat, fresh or frozen 
6 cups chicken broth 
4 tablespoons cracker crumbs, finely 
ground 
1 cup heavy a 
White pepper 
Carefully pick over crab meat. Heat 
chicken broth in large pot. Add crab meat 
and simmer for about 5 minutes. Stir in 
cracker crumbs and combine well. Then 
pour in cream and add a gencrous grind 
of white pepper. Stirring well. combine 
all and allow soup to cook for sever 
minutes until hot. 


ш 


Cold Soups 


COLD CHICKEN SOUP 
(Serves six) 


Yû cups chicken, cooked and diced 
/ teaspoon dried tarı 
1 teaspoon dried dill 
И cup minced оп 
1 teaspoon salt 
1 teaspoon sugar 
Freshly ground pepper 
3 tablespoons sour cream 
1 teaspoon French mustard 
1 tablespoon lemon juice 
1 teaspoon vineg: 
2 small cucumbers, peeled, seeded and 
diced 
dill pickle, diced 

1 cups chicken broth 

Split ol cham 

1 cup crush 

In a large bowl place tarra 
onion, salt, sugar and a grind ol pepper. 
Mash well. Add sour cream, mustard, 
lemon juice and vineg Add chick- 
cn, cucumbers, pickle and chicke 
Chill well in refrigerator, prefer 
overnight. Just before serving, pour in 
champagne and crushed ice. 


2 
y on 


broth. 


corp sinise sour 
(Serves four) 
3 pound shrimps, cooked and chopped 
1 cucumber, peeled, seeded and 
chopped 
1 large onion, grated 
1 sweet red pepper, seeded and 
chopped 

3 tablespoons buttermilk or sour cream 

214 cups chicken broth 

Place shrimps, cucumber, onion and 
sweet pepper in separate bowls. Butter- 
milk is the classic ingredient of this soup, 
but if you prefer, use sour cream. In any 
case, mix one of the two with chicken 
broth. Refrigerate everything for at least 
four hours. To serve: Give each guest a 
bowl of broth and let him make his own 
mixture; that is, take as much of shrimps, 
peppers or whatever as he chooses, 


Vegetable Soups 


CORN CHOWDER, 
(Serves six) 
14 pound salt pork, finely diced 
14 cup minced onions 
14 cup minced green pepper 
2 cups fresh or canned corn 
2 cups wate 
2 cups milk 
м cup chopped parsley 
14 teaspoon black pepper 
2 dashes Tabasco 
Fry salt pork until crisp and brown. 
Remove and reserve. Pour off most of 
the grease from the skillet and in the r 
mainder sauté onions and green pep- 


per. stirring occas ted. In 
a large pot place all ingredients except 
salt pork. Bring to a boil and simmer 
slowly, covered, for 20 minutes. The 


chowder may be served two ways: as is 
with the bits of salt pork sprinkled on 
top, or it may be puréed in a blender— 
two or three cups at a time. As a purée, it 
can be served either hot or cold. Always 
remember to sprinkle the salt-pork bits 
on top. 


CUBAN BLACK-BEAN SOUP 


(Serves four) 
2 cans black-bean soup 
1 bow! minced onions 


1 bowl cooked rice 


This is a fast onc. Prepare the black 
bean soup as instructed on the can. Serve 
cach guest ә bowlful and let him add 
onions and rice in the amount he wishes. 


Meat Soups 


sORSCHT 
(Serves four) 


5 beets 
1 large potato 
1 large onion 


4 scallions 


1 clove 
4 peppercorns 
2 tablespoons sugar 
Juice of 1 lemon 
3 egg yolks 
24 pound sliced. cooked beef (chuck, 
round or top sirloin) 
Sour cream or heavy cream, whipped, 
d red pepper 
Grind with coarsest. blade of meat 
chopper the beets, potato, onion and 
scallions. Remove stem and ribs from 
cabbage and shred finely. In skillet 
with a linle butter, sauté all vege- 
tables un 
boiling, add vegetables, clove 
peppercorns. Simmer gendy until v 
tables are tender. Mix sugar, lemon juice 
Add this to soup, stir; do 


just limp. Heat broth to 
and 


and egg yolks. 


not boil. In cach soup plate place seve 
slices of cooked beef, which have been 
nd spoon soup over them, To 
serve: Top with either sour cr 
whipped fresh cream that h 
ally doused with red pepper. 


warmed, 


PEAS PORRIDGE 
(Serves eight) 


1 pound sp! 

Ham bone 

3 large onion 

14 teaspoon tarragon 

3 tablespoons parsley, minced 

Ground black pepper 

З quarts water 

(What t by a ham bone is the 
remains of aked ham. which still has 
some meat and fat on it.) Put all ingredi 


ents into а very large pot. Bring to a boil; 
skim off any scum that for 


heat to a low simmer. Si 
ally, cook uncovered for 5 or 6 hours 
until mixture has become а thick purée. 
(You may need more water. Do not let 
soup get so thick that it is in danger of 
burning on the bottom of the pot) R 
move ham bone and pieces of ham fat. 
After bone cools, cut off whatever meat 
left on it. Stir meat into pot of soup. 
Serve when heated thoroughl 

OK, you 
there and put on a show. 


€ got the script. Now, go out 


1974 Dexter Shoe Company, 31 St. James Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts 02116 


Where-To-Buy-I? Use REACTS Card — Page 235 


209 


PLAYBOY 


210 


тык чымы ne (continued from page 106) 


profit institute ЩЫ; hes 
deafness. 

In 1933, Is, 
a course in electronics and acoustics at 
New York University. Henry was one of 
my students. 1 had an idea lor a way to 
produce speakers, substituting а cush- 
ion of air in a small tone cabinet lor the 
mechanical spring mounting that was in 
use then. Henry w the Army at the 
time. Hed been operating а small spea 
crcibinetmanulfacturing plant out of a 
Jolt in Boston, where he had been living, 
and he was interested in going into bu: 
ness with me, Henry saw what the big 
speaker manufacturers didi'i—4he value 
in my design for suspe 
speaker. 

is role was developing a production 
model of the unit. He figured out how 
to design and wind coils, design the 


cabinet and actually get the thing made. 
In less than two years, it became obvious 
nceded his own company." 

1 1957. the genesis of KLH 
nd two partners. Ма 
(The frs man in New England 
have а Volkswagen. Microbus." claims 
Kloss) and J. Anton Hofmann. Together, 
they put 560.000 into a company that 
quickly reached 51,000,000. in annual 
sales. Kloss was the research. man and at 
KLH he plunged into a study of various 
materials that could be used for thc 
manufacture of speaker cones. 

"These other people at RLH didn't 
want to spend their lives in this business," 
Kloss says now. "I wanted a company 
like KLH could have become. E had 
my heart set on а whole linc of audio 
products—small port 
thought how practical it would be. For 
example, you wouldn't have a record. 
player in the kitchen; vou might have a 


colm Low 


to 


cassette player, You wouldn't want а 
stereo system in the bathroom; а small, 
high-quality tuner and speaker could be 
appealing.” 

Alter 1964, when KLH was sold to 
ger. the sewing-machine company, 
Kloss stayed on for three years аз presi 
dent, agreeing not to engage in outside 
udio work for five. He started Advent 
ет three, concentrating exclusively on 
video projects until. KCH’s agreement 
expired. 

Shortly after he put Advent together, 
Kloss turned to a project that had gouen 
RLH: the Dolby noiscreduc 
оп system. Ray Dolby, ап American 
ing in England, had perfected an in 
genious electronic method to quash the 
hiss that plagues tape recordings, partic 
ularly cassettes. Klos had persuaded 
Dolby to license KLE to manufacture 
reel-to-reel tape recorders incorporating 
his system, When Kloss left KLH, the 
company lost interest in the idea 

At Advent. Kloss experimentation 


buried at 


Video 
prelude 


projectors may be only a 
to а revolution in home- 
entertainment programing, The latest 
news from the clearonics frontier. is 
thar breakthroughs have 
now been m n the development 
ol video discs. IL the prototypes go into 
production next уса scheduled, 
we'll soon be able to control our own 
video programing with the economy 
and convenience of stereo records, 

Although there are several compet- 
ing videodisc systems now being pre- 
pared for the market, the one tha 
causing the most excitement is based 
on a new approach using photograph- 
ic film instead ol vinyl as the record- 
ing medium, Pioncered by a small 
California firm called 1/0 Metrics, 
the system uses а laser beam carrying 
a coded TV signal to expose а т 
tive of high-grade film spinning at 
revolutions per second, the frame 
speed of television, as the spiral video 
ack is recorded. Copies are then re- 
produced by the cheap and simple 
1 of contact. printing on di: 
al, as in any photo darkroom. 
ck unit will func 
tion like a sterco turntable, except 
that the image will be read optically, 
with photodiodes and mirrors, in- 
stead of with a mechanical stylus. You 
simply connect the device to the an- 
D leads of a conventional TV 
set—or video projector—tlirow on a 
disc and make yourself comfortable 
lor ап hour of full-color video with 
quadraphonic sound 


important 


ide 


o 


NOW! CASABLANCA; THE WATERGATE HEARINGS 
AND SUPER BOWL I=ALL FOR $9.98? 


The most remarkable thing about 
this new technique is that it promises 
10 be so cheap, toppling the cost bar 
riers that made video tape the big 
homc-entertainment event that never 
happened. A video disc can be pro 
duced for only 20 cents in darkroom, 
materials, meaning a retail price of 
five dollars to seven. dollars—instcad 
ul the S25 to S33 an hourlong video 
tape cassette costs. Likewise the pla 
buck unit Where a videotape nit- 
chine costs about 51600, а videodisc 
machine cin be built to retail for 
S300. The one advantage of video 
tape is the capacity to do your own 
recording; but the videodisc devel- 
opem are confident that the public 
will happily trade this feature for the 
convenience and. economy of the disc 
medium. Why should the ave 
consumer want to pay S30 

10 record his favori show 
when the same show is available in 
the record stores at a traction of the 
com? Or even given 
with spliced-in 
up the tab? 

If it all pans out, the implications 
are staggering. Picture (literally) the 
record albums ol the future as 
“lookics,” bringing to our home TVs 
the nnisic 


tape 


accompanime; Wi alone 
with the sound. Or im е vides lise 
releases of all your favorite movies 


and shows; vou could have a 
personal movie library for the price 
ul theater tickets, Simikuly, sports 


events, educational productions, cul- 
tural events, new kinds of graphic 
animation, new kinds of video mag- 
azines and video books all should 
nd all of them would 


and im: 1 in the techniques of 
мор action and instant. replay. The 
low cost of recording will open the 
nd experimen- 
talists as well аз profesionals. No 
doubt, there will be a videodisc 
porno industry, too. How far it will 
xo depends on consumer acceptance 


and keeping costs reasonable, but 
there appear to be по rema 
technical barriers, and low costs for 


the discs and playback devices seem as 
sured. The photo-duplicating process 
developed by 1 O Metrics supposedly 
cm produce discs cheaply in any 
volume, unlike vinyLrecord presses 
requiring large production runs to 
spread the overhead. The playback 
units c ss produced. without 
expensive precision. components. an 
sill give good results, and. they will 
be crosfranchised to competing man 
ufacturers instead of monopolized by 
Io top it all off, with opti 
playback there's no needle to 
scraiches and wear. With this fe 
video discs should someday make ster- 
ео LPs as ancient as 78s. When used 
audio only, they have the aston 
ishing capacity to record 500 hours of 
high-fidelity quadraphonic sound. per 
12inch disc. 


п be m 


one. 


for 


showed him that coupling the Dolby 
system with a cassette deck would solve 
the most annoying aspect of cassette 
recording: the high level of hiss caused by 
the extremely slow speed at which the 
tape in the cassette moves across the re- 
corder head. He then took the process 
one more step. DuPont had developed 
chromium-dioxide iles that were 
smaller d iron-oxide parti- 
cles used in recording tapes. The new 
с particles could reduce 
noise factor even further. 
For four years DuPont was off 
chromiunrdioxide tape and nobody 
would. buy it,” says Kloss. "We took the 
мий, showed you could get something 
worth while out of it and now they sell 
every bit of it they make.” 
Although Kloss vi 


chromium 
th 


buys completely packaged the chromium 
dioxide tape it sel Advent. Crolyn 
and enjoys no prelerential treatment for 
its contribution. Such contractual 
ments are pect of the business 
that baffles and irritates Kloss- 

bi. that works 
" he says. “When we 
te decks with Dol- 
paying about two dollars 
n licensing fees. First 1 had 
nce Ray Dolby that there was 
et for his invention— 
ted versions were already 
being used in recording studios—and 
then I had to pay him for the privilege 
of proving my point. Now that its 
caught on, the price is down to about 25 
s a channel. 

the cassette mach : 
developed, Kloss was still at work on the 
VideoBeam. Once the basic system had 
been put together. lie turned to the next 
step—a screen bright enough to comple- 
ment the output of the projector unit. 
About the time I realized w 
we'd need to 
hiness we w 
cident, discover 


consumer 


more sophisti 


м 


с was being 


"So we developed a specially 
curved screen, under license for the use 
of the material from Kodak, which gave 
us the light level we needed.” 

Sony actually beat Advent to the home 
market place by several m i 
projection TV system, In effect, though, 
Sony simply us enify is 
standard picture-tube image and project 
onto a 30^x 10" screen. The tube's 
lines are obvious. Mso, Kloss points out, 


ths w 


lenses to m 


Sony's i is one third the size and 
one quarter the brightness of the Video- 
Велт, 


Sony had this marvelous device,” says 
Kloss, an information 
chin ned to be used with 


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сме > 


Contraceptive scientists introduce a 
dramatic new shape. 


Now from our research laboratories comes a distinc- 
tive—and effective—new shape in male contraceptives. 
Called NuForm* Sensi-Shape, it's scientifically designed 


for added freedom of movement inside the contraceptive 
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SEND FOR OUR FREE SAMPLE OFFER. 


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| SCHMID LABORATORIES INC. 1 
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See your local pharmacist for future purchases. 


211 


PLAYBOY 


Whatever happened to ‘Think’? 


to have been designed for sales or edu- 
cational presentations. 1 had in mind 
fun—something that would go in the 
home like a regular TV, only on a larger 
scal 

"Ihe VidcoBeam projector суеп at 
first encounter, is not an unfamiliar 
piece of equipment. The knobs on its 
top are similar to those on your living 
room TV set: channel selector, ОНЕ se- 
lector, color, brightness, tint and focus 
controls. One sits behind the unit. When 
it is turned on, three beams of color— 
blue, red and green—I 
verge on the aluminum screen, filling it 
with a picture sharper and bigger thin 
most cight-millimeter home movies. 
Sound from a speaker in the projector 
base is directed toward the slightly con- 
cave screen and bounces back to give 
the impression it originates within the 


Now the machine becomes impressive: 
Duri idday soap opera, the charac 
then the show 
and the White 
ngly through kitch- 
ng becomes a total 
as from the front 
rows of a movie theater. Munching pop- 
corn seems appropriate, Sewing or read- 
ing a book docs not. 

“It's a very private kind of television 
viewing." admits Kloss. “IE you w 
watch TV, you go into a room and watch 
IV for an hour or two. lt makes de- 


Torn 


to 


212 mands on you, returns viewing to a 


somewhat more active mode. It's not de- 
signed for casual viewing, the way most 
TVs are used. Somebody who uses it six 
hours a day . . . I have no sympathy 
th 

From a few random conversations, it's 
quickly apparent that viewers have dif- 
ferent reactions to the VideoBeam. A 
waitress in a Boston Howard Johnson's 
says she hates “the big TV." 

“My husband takes me out to a bar 
and we sit there and watch television. I 
want to go dancing.” 

But Fred Loughlan, the bartender at 
the spot the waitress refers to, says its 
the best show in town. “It’s building 
business up," he says, "You come back. 
here when the Stanley Cup play-offs are 
going on and you won't be able to get 
nto the place. 
awrence Galer, a 37-year-old real- 
estate developer, has installed a Video- 
Beam in his house, placing it in a 
specially designed game room complete 
with movie seats. Galer has it hooked up 
to an auxiliary videotape unit, “What'd 
you like to see?” he asks, ойе 
handwritten list of movie titles including 
Funny Gil and Goodbye Columbus, He 
аззене into the machine. A huge 
American flag and George C. Scott fill 
the screen with the opening scene of 
Patton. 

“This is dynamite,” he says proudly. 

Basically, I'm an old movie nut and this 
is like bringing the movies into your 
home. Like any new thing, it's complete- 
ly mesmerizing. It must be like seeing 


TV when it was first developed. After 
the initial spell of the large screen wears 
off, you find yourself watching more of 
the quality programs and less of the 
usual stuff, because you're so aware of 
at's bad. But the good things—The 
Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman—I 
tape because the good things become 
fantastic. 

“When football games are on, I feel 
c I'm in the theater-concession bu: 
ncs, bringing guests stuff to cat and 
drink. There's only one problem. No 
dicker. Т can't change the channel when 
I'm lying on the couch 

iasm is typical of those 


Galer's enthusia 
who've scen VideoBeam, but, as Advent 
points out in its own brochure, the sys- 
tem docs have significant limitations. If 
you rub the fragile screen with a fin- 
ger, it may be permanently marred. And 
the 10-pound projector is not the 
casicst thing to move around and is 
aedibly finicky about where it's placed. 
Tt must sit exactly 100 inches in front of 
the screen. There are other drawbacks. A 
television signal that looks bad on a 
regular set may well be disastrously re- 
produced on the VideoBeam; and bright 
room lights can effectively wipe out the 
picture, The VideoBeam is also demand- 
ing, for seating angles could dictate that 
am entire recreation room be set aside for 
a television system. 

Still, the sets are being snapped up by 
consumers much faster than they can be 
produced. 

"It sells itself,” says Mike Osborne, 
store manager at Dayton, Ohio's Carlin 
Audio, the first retail outlet for the Video- 
Beam. "People sce it, their mouths drop 
and they really become interested 
whats on the tube, particularly people 
who hi "t liked television before.” 

Jacob Schorr of Opus 2 in Memphi 
says that the majority of the sets they've 
sold have been to people making less 
п 530,000 a year. 

They're willing to spend $2500 for 
a TV picture that's as good and as big 
as this," he says. "It's not as if it were 
some millionaire just buying himself a 


‘The VideoBeam has already resulted 
in certain observable social phenomena. 
artenders report that customers are no 
ger raucous but sit quietly comate 
watching the tube. Kloss reports th 
he’s noticed traffic sometimes stopp 
outside his home while drivers peer in at 
four-bysix-foot football games unfolding 
on his wall. 

Peter Downey of public-television sta- 
tion WGBH in Boston says Пайу that 
VideoBeam will change our whole con- 
cept of telev 
think more 
ng,” he says. “The art of the dose-up 
will be redefined and viewers will begi 
to notice every technical error made in 
the studio." It's the same critical aware. 
ness that occurred when early hi-fi buffs 


wical hlm- 


I love tobacco. 
| don’t smoke. 


Walt Garrison, 
football and rodeo star. 


If I’m a guy who loves tobacco, 
how come I never take a puff? 

Well, because I use “smoke- 
less tobacco.” 

All it takes is a pinch of 
“smokeless” in between my 
cheek and gum. Feels real re- 
laxin' in there. And I get full, 
rich tobacco pleasure. 

Another thing is, "smoke- 
less tobacco” can’t tie up my 
hands, So I can use it no matter 
what I’m doing. 

If you'd like to go “ѕтоКе- 
less,” here’s what you do. Just 
look for three great brands. V 


There's Skoal, my favorite, 
which has a wintergreen taste. 

Copenhagen, a straight to- 
bacco. 

And Happy Days Mint. All 
three dated for freshness. 

They'l each give you the 
tobacco pleasure you're looking 
for. 


Smokeless tobacco. 
Apinchis all it takes. 


M 


For a free booklet that explains how to get the full enjoyment of “smokeless tobacco" as well as a few free pinches that you 
can try for yourself—write to “Smokeless Tobacco,” United States Tobacco Company, Dept. P11, Greenwich, Connecticut 06830. 


213 


PLAYBOY 


214 


heard imperfec 
stereo records, 
1. Kloss is thinking about includ- 
e VideoBeam instruction manual 
plaint cards for viewers t 
send to stations broadcasting poor 
gram material or bad signals. For exam 
ple, Emmett Bulord, a salesman at Opus 
reports that "Опе day we were watch- 

soap opera and on a close-up shot 
we discovered that the tears on an actress 


ons in pioneer LP and 


ol ci 


pro- 


influence 
- Says Douglas D: 
а video artist who is also Newsweek's 


m will 


The VideoBeam is the first really 
topquality video system on the. market 
at cose to consumer prices. It. becomes 


almost а human presence in the life of 
the artist.” 
Allan Hackel, president of Advertising 


Agency Associates of Boston, says that 
his VideoBeam has provided a fresh out 
look to television advertising: 

“Ie used to be that we'd wke а pro- 
gram to different program directors and 
try 10 sell them No 
once our sponsors have seen the Video 
Beam, they say, "Well give you an ext 
budget to fly the producers in here to 
see the show on the big screen." It's the 
sizzle to the steak. Tt presells everything 
and makes us look very impressive. 1 of- 
fered to buy the first. 52,000.000. worth 
of units, but Advent said no.” 

Meanwhile, Kloss is working on new 
products. Last fall he imroduced the 
Advent II speaker ked a 
new way of making speakers by injection 
Iding. Kloss hopes ultimately 1o 


show," he says. 


a 


wh 


manufacture the basic cabinet for а dol- 
lar and а halfs worth of Libor and three 
and a half dollars. worth of plastic foam. 
In the Kloss tradition, he will pass the 
$ on 10 the consumer. 
> other audio projeas fill the 
ing boards: а monaural FM radio, 
similar to the KLH Model 8 but with a 
parate. speaker controlled. from the 
tumer box; and a new sub-5300 sterco 
system, complete with receiver, turntable 
and speake 
There's a lot of jı 
ket for $25 
people 
"Do without the eight 


k sold on the mar- 
0," Kloss says. "I want to offer 
to them, 
таре ma- 


nt to 
ck 


п option. I wa 


chine and TI sell you a good music 
system for $300." Of course, I'm getting 
ouraged by all this infla 
Klos also has several video 
ideas. "I want to find out the limits of 
the Sony system.” he says. “When you 


front of it, 
ve the lens 


take a 
how much 1 
collect without m 
terrible? 
hen there's the aspect of. personal 
IV viewing. When you look at the fr 
tion of light used by a single person 
watch it requires a 
int of power. Ob- 
TV set in an eve- 
but that's onc 


tube and put a | 


з you | 
king the picture look 


viously, the idea of 
glass frame sounds kooki 
av one could go." 

He pauses 
"Actually." he 
up with one idea 
а direct-view tube 
story. 


E 


ready come 
for a new way to make 
<- but thats another 


“Ferguson! What the hell are you doing in my secretary?” 


SEX AND THE SINGLE SCREW 
continued from page 131) 
he was visibly Hagging. He ve 
been discov ather too 6 
that enough was спон 
There came а day—just after sunrise, 
which seemed to be his only free time— 
when he appealed to me to take my share 
of the load. 
"How about helping me out? If I don't 
€ a day olf soon, ГИ neve 


nust h 
ly in life. 


get ashore 


alive!” 
"But you're doing fine, George,” I as- 
sured him. "Look at the girls. They're 


п terrific form! They're happy as clams!” 
о they damned well ought to be,” he 
said sulkily. He was sucking at a restora- 
tive prairie oyster, his shoulders slack as 
frayed deck mop. * 
up at low tide. 

1 shook my head 
You said so yourself. J 
the picnics. 

"li seems to me t 

“I have to do an 


е. Fm too old 
st ler handle 


"sa pretty easy job. 
wful lot of rowing.” 


Calypso. gently changing her anchor- 
now and then, never got very far on 
that ten-day cruise, But we 

. of at Кам 


ards. Guadeloupe. Here we 
bay. happily called the 
Cul-de-Sac, more beautiful 
on Antigua, 

me our private domain—excey 
corge. whom 1 would not have 
trusted to step пу. Here we 


found another 
Petit 


even 


could pluck our own ripe papayas from 
the tree and gorge owselves on their 
dripping flesh. H c. like a 
Greek on a vase. ny Frieze of 


nymphs. Here I did a lot mor 
and nd dozi 
while George, marooned оп bo: 
now the very ghost of young manhood, 
did his best. 


row 


ays moaning. He was 
even limping. He was really (00 young. 
, з night ien, we 
ck to Antigua. in 
s to catch their plane 
next morning. I was alone on deck, alone 
in а magical night, musing the wheel 
with my bare foot: Calypso. slipping up 
the northeast trades on а soldier's wind 
and а sailor's dream, was nicely balanced 
nd needed only a touch now and then. 
The sky was a maze of watchful, loving 
the › that could 
coax so much from the giant nothingness 
of the world, music was borne on the vel 
jumpy one bi 
g onc—walting across а 
tinique. 
first one 
two, then four joined me, sitting close in 
the cocky ning to the music, lean- 
ing against me when they tho 


velous sail ba 


ale 


1. then 


they might be cold or that I might be 
lonely. Then it was all five girls. Mary- 
Lou Hanson, the last incumbent, who 
had not been expected, came clambering 
up the ladder, She sounded rather cross. 
"He went to sleep!" she said, scandal- 
ized. "Would you believe И?” And then, 
more softly, “I've brought you а rum 


whatnot.” 
1 


you 


But what about 


as very welcome, " 


“Гуе brought a whole big pitcher of it. 
Might as well be neighborly." 

We were neighborly. The girls sang 
softly, and moved in and out of the 
greerandied glow оГ the navigation 
lights. and climbed about me, and snug- 
gled up like furry lizards; sometimes 
there seemed to be warm hands futter- 
ing all over. coming from anywhere out 
of the night. The rum went down. It was 
a secret picnic again, Hands became kiss- 
«з. Kisses became hands, asking the same 
questions but more firmly put 

“We all took а м 
of the darkness. "We like you better." 

"Well, that’s a nice thought.” 

Another voice: "Can't we stop for a 
ише: 

Calypso was still in 60 fathoms; and 
the automatic, as usual, was out. "No," I 
said. “I've got to ste 

A wail: "But it's the last night!” 


е” a voice said out 


Its wonderful what you can do when 
it's the last night. 


ed till all was 


George never reappea 
over, He was still oceans deep in sleep, 
his snores resounding throughout the 
boat. rhythmical as the distant surf, when 
we berthed at sunrise in Nelson’s Dock- 
yard and the girls prepared to leave, 

With much giggling and huggi 
gave me a farewell present. Tt wa 
ored drawing, executed in g 
by Ellen—or was it Ка 
done very well. It was а picture of a 

tree. Nestled among the gre 
leaves. two huge papayas shone rosy and 
pink, with a glint of sunlight fa 


they 


It’s [or yo 
We'll never [oi 
Nor will 1 
"Goodbye, dar 
you to all our Friends!” 
Loading the last of their gear into the 
лахі. I asked one of them, “But who are 


"hey said. “First prize! 
t those papayas!” 


Well recommend 


“You must be fooling!" 
Mary-Lou took charge 
want to say at the begi 


“We didn't 
Tt might 


а sort of a 
fourth Street. But il 
J wasn’t too em 
“So we соме 


for three whole months! Then they 
said, "Not guilty, but don't do it a 
So we thought we needed a holiday. 
5 * said yachting was the thing. So 
we came down here.” 

Was yach 
very time 


come Harkness emerged at noon 
ng like a slug, blinking like a de 
lict lighthouse, quite horrible. 

"Have they gone? Thank God for 
Шш!” 

“Oh, I thought it was rather fun." 

“If you'd had to do the work I did. . 
Oh, well, they sure got their money's 
worth His c 


5s fell on the pic 


ing present," 
Flattering, ch?” 
no. Irs for me.” 

His crocodile eyes widened. “You're jok 
ing! What did you do? Damn it, it must 
be for me. 1 did all the work, didnt I: 1 
can tell you, I had a preity tough time.” 

And I had had enough. "Yow had a 
tough time!" I looked at my gleaming 
papaya tree and back to George. “You're 
complaining! See the chaplain! What 
do you suppose those picuics were like: 
You just had the fun. Rowing four 
Is at once, two trips, day alter day, 


takes slaminat 


Remember. Before you say "Tequila? 


In a marvelous Margarita, 
а super Sunrise 
or maybe just daringly straight... 
nothing compares with 
Smooth Olé Tequila 
It's got that Mexican spirit. 


EIGHTY PROOF. ©1074 SCHENLEY IMPORTS CO, KY. N.Y. 


always say “Olé: 


OLE SUNRISE: 12 ozs. Olé Tequila, 3 ozs. Orange Juice, Y2 oz. Grenadine. Serve over ісе in a large glass. 


PLAYBOY 


216 


IS ANYBODY DOING HIS JOB? 


month, having spent a lifetime of pi 
sick on Fridays and almost alwa 
ay from his desk” when somebody 
from the outside world calls for help. You 
are now supporting 1,200,000 Fede 
tirees or their survivors at a cost of 
$370,000,000 a month. 
So what are you ge 


(опе of George Wal- 
Тасе useful expressions), especially the 

m of 333,141 who have burrowed 
into the Potomac mud 

So devoid of tal 
mass of Government flesh that 
ficult to maintain even the 
semblance of productivity. When а ma 
er skilled in ances is found, he 
becomes 1 know 
а top-drawer t who, because 
he is vastly skilled at m 
ment seem to function wi 


necessary 


the past 20 years. Talent 
ound Washington, 
Honesty is even rarer, It doesn't pay to 
be honest. Remember Ernie Fitzgerald, 
the Pei a official who had the gall to 
publicly disclose that Lockheed and the 
Pentagon had conspired to hide evidence 
that they wasted two billion dollars in the 
building of one airplane? He was fired for 
that. Alter а four-year legal fight, which 
really isn’t over yet and which will prob- 
ly cost half a million dollars by the 
time it is concluded, Fitzgerald finally 
forced the Pentagon to rehire him: but 
he has been stuck. in а corner, far away 
from any potential interference with 
weapons contracts, and сипау warned 
that he will be released. from Coventry 
ly alter have gained the accept 
ance of your enemi 
In а Government where an honest man 
is told he is surrounded by em 


pi 


where no one marches to 
drummer because all drumming is pro- 
hibited by U.S. Code, Article 1073, Sec 


ble talent 
e as 


tion 24.35, and where surviv 
is looked upon as something as ra 
amhcrgris, is there any hope for some- 
x dol- 
2 Is anybody in all that worm pit 
g his job? И God were to threaten 
to turn everyone in Government to salt 
if at least half a dozen persons couldn't 
be found doing their duty, would Wash- 
ington be doomed? 

No, hallelujah, 
(maybe more, if you've 
to continue the pursu 
alive and functio 


it good workers 
got the stomach 
1) have been found, 


LEWIS A. ENGMAN 


Somewhere ala 


g the line, Lewis A. 
Engman went sour—that is, by Richard 
Nixon’s standard. But Nixon can't be 
blamed for bid judgment. After all, who 
could have guessed? Engman had all the 

Чу slick, smartass attributes of the 
кош» Ad- 


owwa 
business types so common to ? 


(continued from page 103} 


ministr m the middle of 1971 to 
carly 1973, he was jus another of John 
rlichman’s high-level flunkies. 

So there was no reason for Nixon to 
suspect, when he promoted 
from the White House май to chairman 
of the Federal Trade Commission. (Ше 
youngest in FTC's history) in Febru 
ary 1973 that he wouldn't slavishly follow 
the Adu i 

But you never can trust an са 
and especially one who has been contam- 
inated by Harvard and the London 
School of Economics No sooner had 
n arrived at the FT'C—once con- 
ely descr alph Nader as 
an agency suffering from "alcoholism, 
spectacular lassitude and office absen- 
tecism, incompetence by the most modest 
standards and lack of commitment to. . . 


а 
оп 


g strange th 
corporations that sold dangerous 


dru gs and toys to children via ту adver- 


count for the foley retail-lood prices 
Many iu the Nixon camp doubtless 
thought Engman had lost his mind when 
he proclaimed in a speech to th 
monwealth Club of Californ 
1973 that the first duty of his agency was 
to promote real business compctition 
and that he was convinced “tough en- 
forcement of the antitrust laws can help 
prevent а recurrence of inflation by ar 
tacking abuses of econom 


beslucely wild, Th 


the first 17 months of his reign, the FTC 
filed 15 major antitrust complaints 
ist comp Пот Boise 


de to Т 


locking directorships. 
But the pinnacle of Engman’s wildness 
reached when the ЕТС filed a сот 
st the eight largest U.S. oil 
“Texaco, Gulf, Mobi 


w 
pla 


hfield- 


es. 
Washington was stunned. and. to no- 
body's surprise, the. House Appropri: 


cut oll 

next year. 

ant receive a higher 
mid1974, the White 


announced that 
sidering "major changes. 


xon was coi 
im the regul: 


tion of business and the antitrust law, 
Engman was doing his work too well. 
DAVID s. SCHWARTZ 


bureaucrat of good con- 


under the nose of the enemy. And the 
enemy, as обе his own boss, 
David 5, Schwarz, Ph.D., for example. 
f of the Осе of 
1 Power Co 


The 
arees of Richard Nixon's, want to take 


mission. 


po 


oll all price controls on interstate natural- 

s sales, 

They can't do it without Congressional 
approval. PC Chairman 
John N on behalf of 
the entire commission, marches up Capi 
tol Hill and argues that the petroleum 


gang should be turned loose to set any 


assikas is 
dvocating legal looting, that if natural- 
s prices are deregulated, the consumers 
n this country will pay five bi 
2 billion dollars more 
also argues that the oil 


He 
withholding great quantities of natural 


gas from the mar 


et to keep the price 


up and that, contra nic propa- 
ganda, there is а sufficient amount of 
natural gas to last us at least another 
60 years. 


Such treacherous testimony —Schwartz's 
the only rebel- 
es the 
aturally. foam with 
rage. Oh, how they loathe Schwartz, а 
friendly, 50ish, crafty, balding 
but still red-haloed New York Jew boy 
(to use Di. ) a child of the Great 
Depression whose lile is centered on con- 
trolling industrial monopolies. 

You сап understand their anger: 
Heres the commission's own economics 
expert. Hes supposed to be working for 
them —not for the public. And here he is. 
on them right out in the open, 
showing how they are in the oil industry's 
pocket. 

They don't put up with him out of 
good sportsmanship, Indeed, they have 
made no bones of trying to figure out 
some way to can his ass. So far, Civil Serv 
ice has protected. Schwartz and you'd 
better pray for its continued success, for 
few relatively honest fellows in 
Congress, and Schwartz. are 
standing between jou and th 
iselyebilliondollar bigger gas bill 


RUDOLPH KAPUSTIN 


Shortly alter eight л.м. on November 
3, 1973, а Pan American 707 cargo plane 
took off from John F. Kennedy Airport 
n New York, bound for Prestwick, Scot 
. About 100 miles cast of Mo 
the flight crew reported 
storage under the pilot с 
ment. They swung back toward Boston to 
make an emergency landing. But as they 
pproached Logan Airports runway 27, 
smoke and fumes so obscured the pilots 
vision and interfered with his physical 
reactions that he lost control. Ground 
observers saw the plane pitch and go into 
а “Dutch roll.” The lelt wing stuck 


moke 


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217 


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NAME 
(Please Print 
AOORESS 
cry. STATE zw 
4-19 


PLAYBOY 


219 


PLAYBOY 


220 а specia 


ed, 
e scattered over 
The three-man 


the water and the plan 
with the bu wreckag 
а one-third-mile area. 
crew was killed. 

‘Tough luck. But it could have been far 
worse. The plane was loaded with more 
than 16,000 pounds of corrosive acids, 
including 400 liters of nitric acid. What 
if the plane had crashed in a populated 
area? Nii n't a nice thing to have 
sloshing around the neighborhood. 

Three hours after the crash was re- 
ported to Washington, a ten-man “go 
team” of National Transportation Safety 

Board crash experts, headed by Rudolph 
Kapustin, was on its way to the site. 
(They were slower than usual; as a rule, 
it takes them no lon an an hour and 
а half to be on their way, but this time 
their own plane had troubles.) 

This was con 
major crash 
als. But it w: 
lucky. 


azardous materi- 
s the first only because we've 
nds of tons of 
radioactive 
materials, pass overhead every year. Much 
of them are handled in a relatively care- 
less hion. That's where the NTSB 
comes in. In this case, Kapustin and his 
Tellow experts found that the nitric acid 
ad been incorrectly labeled, incorrectly 
kaged and incorrectly stored in the 
plane; the cartons had been packed in 
sawdust, which is a no-no, and placed on 
their side instead of up Acid leaked 
ad set the sawdust on fire. Since 
the NTSB has issued tough orders 
to the rgo industry to shape up. 
Kapustin, 49, who became a Federal 
safety expert a dozen years ago after 
working а ngincer in the Far East 
for Curtiss Wright, is named here only i 
a symbolic way; he is typical of the entire 
100-min staff of investigators at the 
NTSB. We might just as easily be talking 
about one of the others—Doug Dreifu: 
for example, who headed the go team 
that investig 
side Paris some months ago (our safety 
o anywhere the world tha 


wade through gore and shredded flesh to 
find the trouble spot. А shinbone embed- 
ded in the cabin ceiling was the clue to 
the cause of one crash 
Despite interference from industry- 
oriented politicians, the NTSB boys have 
ines and on 
ly enough 
hs per passenger mile by 50 
percent in the past decade 


JONATHAN Т. GOLDSTEIN 


George Beall, the U.S. Auorney in 
Baltimore who Jed the legal assault that 
proved Spiro Agnew was a crook and 
drove him from the Vice-Presidency, has 
received much deserved publicity as a 
feisty go-getier, But it is significant that 
before Beall went after. Agnew, he made 
trip to New Jersey to learn the 


finer techniques of uncovering political 


п perhaps unique 
annals of modern Jaw enforcement. 

Just out of New York University Law 
School in 1965, Goldst ed the De- 
partment of Justice. His officemate 
Stern. They were so tough and effective 
in prosecuting а corporatecorruption 
case in 1968-1969 that when one of the 
defense lawyers, Frederick Lacey, was ap- 
pointed U.S. Attorney in New Jersey, he 
hired them as his top assistants. 

Then, when Lacey was made a Federal 
judge. Stern moved into the U.S. Auor- 
ship. And when Stern was made a 
Federal judge last year, Goldstein took. 
у, at 33, he heads а prosccut- 
g assault team of 56 attorneys whose av- 
erage age is bly babyish 98. 
Outside the courtroom, Goldstein would 
probably strike you as gentle and rct 
cent. But inside the courtroom, he is the 
smoking hand of a vengeful God. 

Under Lacey and Stern, and now on 
his own, Goldstein has been part of an 
unprecedented crusade against crooked 
politicians; no other U.S. Attor 
ice has come even dow io cut 


суз of- 
so 


now in the clink as a 
ult of the Newark office’s work ov 
the past few years. 

Goldstein personally handled the pros- 
ecution that sent two f ors of 
Atlantic City to prison for extortion and 
the prosecution for tax fraud (and other 
sorted crimes) of Nelson Gross, former 
state С.О.Р. chairman and a former U 
Undersecretary of State с of coor- 
dinating the fight 
tional drug traffic. Н 


his appointment, by which time pen 
reform may be a standard plank in every 
New Jersey politician's platform. 

And, des you id ou deserves 
nd Stern 
эг Sem: 
tor of the party in power has control over 
the appointments of his state's U.S. At- 
torneys, which means that the advent of 
purity in New Jersey is due solely to the 
good choices of Senator Clifford Р. Case 
опе of the few honest Republicans in 
Washington. 


and 


FRANCES KNIGHT 

‘Three years ago, Frances Knight, di- 
rector of the State. Departments Passport. 
Office, had a swell layout in a building 
just a spit from the White Hoi 
really swanky, right next to 
ik. An Ате en who dropped 
by to get his passport there would leave 
the country with sweet memories. 

But then Miss Knight (actually, she 


# 


Mrs. Wayne Parrish, wife of the multi. 
nillionaire who once published aviation 
magazines) got into another [uss with 
her bosses at the State Department 
they moved her offices to a high-cr 
shington. As the moving men 
files into the new headquar 
re propositioned by prosti- 


ters, they wi 
tutes and some of her clerks lost their 


purses to pickpocket 
But don't worry about Frances Knight. 
If anybody can survive, she сап. Not for 


nothing did Tom Wicker call her “the 
" At 69, she looks а hand- 
ndles herself in the marvelous 
old-fashioned sassy-blonde style and. en- 


joys being considered a ruthless gut 


ghter. "Somebody in Congress once 
* she laughs. "Do 1 
ike an ogres?" No, indeed. 


19 years, no Secretary of State has 
crossed. the threshold of the Passport Of 
fice. АН seem to have realized, via that si 
lent comm ion of the bureau 
jungle, that that was icy 
Knight's turf. From her doma 
isucd statements calling her superiors 
“creeps” and “tightwads.” She has accused 
them of willing with the security of tl 
United States by "putting the passport on 
the same level as the duck stamp. 

Most of Miss Knight's troubles—and 
she has had plenty—have stemmed from 
the fact that she is concerned about such. 
matters as internal security. She is a 
tiot in the sense that lost status two 
decides ago. At the time of her 
appointment to the Passport Office. di- 
rectorship in 1055, it was alleged that 
Senator Joseph McCarthy had once 
proudly identified her as а member of 
his "legal American. underground." The 
right wing loves her. The left does not. 
Until the U.S, Supreme Court told her 
to cut it out ten years ago, she was overly 


Miss 
їп, she has 


enthusiastic about refusing to 
ports to people she called “politi 
pects.” Four years ago, there was 


hell of а fuss when it was discovered that 
the Passport Office had a list of a qu 


of a million names, including 
15,000 in a category of "known or sus- 
pected Commu or subversive: 


Nevertheless. she runs one of the most 
efficient offices in Washington. Since she 
took over as passport czar, the output. per 
manycar has more than doubled. In the 
past five years, the number of passports 
processed increased 40 percent, while her 
permanent work force increased only 26 
chemies in the Budget 
ng to starve her into 
submission, and it has affected her 
elliciency—now, at peak season, it some- 
times takes ten days to process your piiss- 
port. twi long as it uscd to. But 
you are in 


tion, 


coun. 


ROL 
NA се»? 


221 


PLAYBOY 


DR. MARY MANDFLS 


If you want to find some of the most 
authentic heroes of the Federal bureauc 
› а. into the boondocks. There 


m 


Mandels, bruncue. (turning 
‚ brown-eyed, grandmotherly micro 
biologist who operates in a dismal three- 
room basement lab at the U. 5. Army 
Laboratories їп Natick, Massachusetts. 
For help, she often has to shanghai enlist- 
ed personnel from the Army or lure visit 
ing foreign scientists to lend а hand. She 
operates her lab оп what, by Federal 
siandards, is nothing: 550.000 а усаг. 

But someday we'll look back on Dr. 
Mandels as the lady who helped s; 
from being buried under garl 
'anure—and saved us in an епо 
and wholesome fashion. 
ar, in this country alone, about 
200,000,000 tons of trash were carted 
away from our cities and hidden or 
burned: the mound of trash and garbage 
grows by five percent cach year. And tha 
doesn’t count industrial waste nor the 
800,000,000 tons of livestock manure pro- 
duced annui ally in our feed lots. 

Yet the lot of good in all 
that crap and trash, and there's a lot of 
good fuel, if you know how to get it out. 
Dr. Mandcls (1947. Ph.D. from Cornell 
plant physiology) knows how, and she 
is well on the way to showing how it ca 
be done commercially. 

Originally, the goal of her lab was to 
ure out a way to prevent the fungus 
Trichoderma viride from eating up the 
uniforms and fiber gear of our Servic 
men in tropical or subtropical count 

But when the Army began switching 
m cotton to synthetic fibers, Dr. Man- 
strategy for fighting Trichoderma 
viride became obsolete. "Ac u nt, 
in the mid-bixties, we shifted from think 
ng about Trichoderma viride as an 
enemy and started thinking about it as а 
friend," she recalls. “We stopped fight 
ing it and started trying to use it.” 

Results: By a process much too inui 
cate to explain here, materials with a cel- 
lulosic base can be turned into glucose, 
which im turn can be procesed into a 
food supplement that could take care of 
ch of our protein requirement, or 
into ethanol, which can be added ıo 
line to increase our vehicle energy supply 
by at Teast ten percent (while decreasing 
smog emissions by as much as 70 per- 
cent). To give you idea of the 
potential, Dr. Mandels estimates that опе 
ton of wastepaper can be converted into 
f ton of glucose, which can be fer 
ted into 68 gallons of ethanol. 


e us 


so- 


ibusiness giants haven't got a f 
chise on our garbage dumps a 


ADMIRAL HYMAN RICKOVER 


“The most dangerous man, 10 any gov- 
crnmen,” Н. L. Mencken once observed, 
“is the man who is able to think things 
out for himself, without regard to the 
prevailing supers and taboos.” If 
thats true, Admiral Hyman Rickover 
could be viewed as a real viper in the 
Government's bosom. 

A couple of times cach year, R 
the grand old man of the Navy's nuclear 
development program, emerges Irom his 
crevice in the burcaucracy and give some 
Congressional committe 
dependent thought. 

Not long ago, called to testify on the 
Pentagon's budget, he dropped hundreds 
of observations, all as rich as these: 

* “We have more senior officers in the 
military today than we had in World 
War Two, when our fighting force was 
over five times larger. As we reduce the 
ber of people in the Armed Forces, 
se the number of officers. That 
is ridiculous on the face of it.” He advo- 
cated cuiting Pentagon personnel 
the entire bureaucracy, by 30 percent, 

* °Tinkering with the organization 
as always been a preoccupation of De- 
tment of Delense reformers... , Gen- 
the only result is а new, impressive 
char. But neat charts don't produce 
better organizations. No one has yet been 
able to draw an accurate. chart of the 
structure of Franklin Roosevelt's Execu. 
tive branch. By contrast, Defense agen- 
des are pelea for chartdrawit 
purposes, The dillerence is that Roo: 


а lesson in 


velis agencies operated effectively, while 
the 


Department of Defense ies 
ther than greater coordina- 
1. they have provided new bureaucratic 
layers of coordinators and planners, and 
coordinators of coordinators.” 
e the Congressional dullards sat 
there openmouthed, the 74-5carold salt 
performed 1 entrechats around 
the committee chambers, quoting from 
Rousseau and Spinoza. He talked about 
everything from how defense contractors 
swindle the public to what he called 
“purpose in life." That last may sound 
schmaltzy, but it isn't when Rickover un- 
loads He one of the [ew men in 
Washington who can say, as he did. “The 
object and the result of true discipline is 
to inspire men with bravery, firmness, 
patience, and with a sentiment of 
honor," without evoking snicke 
The reason that Rickover isn't consid- 
ered dangerous in the Mencken sense is 
that nobody at the top of Government 
pays any attention to him. They conside 
him а quaint old dufler. After he has de 
livered his truths to their faces, they pat 
him on the back and send him on his way 
to the job he does incomparably well: 
superintending the building of atomic 
propulsion devices, And he does this job 


zen 


with such thrift that some 
underspends his budget. Which 
him all the quainter. 


ELMER В. STAATS 


The Gene 
tionally called 
a dassic с 
schizophren 
in the bure 
employees are a 
timeserving hacks just 
pushing pencils and dreaming of the day 
they can retire. The agency, because so 
many of its employees grew up readi 
ledgers, is critically 
countant’s mentality. 
far тоо much time on triv 


Accounting Осе, trad 
‘Congress’ watchdog,” is 
of the good«log /bad-dos 
а that one зо often runs into 
ucracy- Among its 5000 or so 

tremendous number of 
ining around 


ency spends 
ies and 
h 


the bureaucracy—the very people it is 


supposed to be policing. 

Nevertheless, the 
most potent "extern € tool 
and, considering the GAO's many weak- 
nesses, it's really a pretty good ol dog, То 
а great extent, its successes can be credited 
to its director, Comptroller General 
Elmer B. Staats, a redhe 
a Ph.D. in public adminisu 
University of Minnesot 

Not only must he goose his own inves 
tigators out of their normal bureaucratic 


s Congress’ 


led Kansan with 


ion from the 


lethargy, he must also get along with a 
boss who doesn't r 


Шу approve of what 
Congress is 


s doing, most of the tim 
his boss and most of its members, being 
on the take, aren't very happy when his 
investigators go out and uncover crooked 
defense contractors and dirty m 
g plants. They especially compl 
course, when the GAO reveals that the 
Humphreys and McGoyerns of this poli 
cal world are just as happy to shullle 
campaign money under the table as are 
the Nixons, though they aren't so suc 
cessful in quantity. 

It's significant that although апу mem- 
ber of Congress or any committee can ask 
the GAO to investigate а situation, only 
about 30 percent of its studies аге con- 
ducted at the request of Congress. Most ol 
the GAO's work is sell-started. 


Staats and his diggers, for defensive 
reasons, operate under a gray cover 
They are, in fact, Washington's most сії 


nt ghostwriters. The GAO's uncovery 
of dirt and stupidity is often credited to 
others. 

Smart guys like Senator William Prox 
mire and Congresman Les Aspin, who 
know how to play the press, have built 
big reputations as crities of the Pentagon 
y using material supplied by GAO in 
In one recent year, Proxmire 
itiated 25 percent of all GAO reports 
done at the request of members of С 
gress. Indeed, many of the exposés 


ed 
ed 10 The Washington Post and other 


reputedly go-getter newspapers are based 
gleaned from, with litle 
iven to, the GAO. That's OK: 
hat public servants аге for. 


оо 0598401, зрүош^әӊ ‘f 'H #1618, 


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PLAYBOY 


224 


WWIHOJDE'AETENHISIMESS d 


the city of New Orleans itself was founded 
as the result of a bluff. Jean Вар 


Lemoyne, Sieur de Bienville, exploring 
the Mississippi with five other French- 
men in a canoe, ran into a British galley 
Bond, was strong 


per, Cap 


he intended to claim the lower Mississippi 
for England, but he wasn't too sure— 
this was the Mississippi Ri 
ng on, wasn't it? Nope, sa 
ivs a few miles farther west, and these 
here waters are French. Also, Bienville 
lied, we've got this enormous fort filled 
with soldiers who may not like the id 
of a Brit 


d was bluffed is called Eng- 
today. 

In those early days, New Orleans was 
kind of a fun city. One account says that. 
in the first 20 years after 1803, the date 
of the Louisiana Hornswoggle, New 
Orleans permanent population quad- 
pled—and опе third of the increase was 
composed entirely of “thieves, rullians, 
ad prostitutes." These 


vagabonds 


(continued from page 110) 

izens of New Orleans would set up 
shop in flatboats abandoned after the trip 
dow т, where farmers and boatmen 
would flock to be fleeced. One of the 
earliest written references to poker is an 
1829 account by a wandering actor named 
Joc Cowell who visited New Orleans, 
spotted a funny game going on in the cor- 
ner and wrote: “The cards . . . are de: 
out and carefully concealed by the pl. 
ers (rom one another; old players pack 
them in their hands and peep at them as 
if they were afraid to trust even them- 
selves to look.” 

Enter the steamboats. As trafic jams 
got heavier (over 500 large riverboats 
chugged through the waters in the 15 
years immediately preceding the Civil 
War), the boats got bigger and fancier 
and provisions were made for first 
trade—merchants, bankers, ranchers. 
They craved a little action and the 
professional gamblers—enter Tyrone 
Power—were there to please. Along with 
three-card monte, poker was the game of 
preference. And it was there on the side- 
wheelers that poker became American- 
ized. Henry Chafetz, author of a history 
of gambling titled Play the Devil (from 
which many of the poker stories in this 


8 


“Of course I love you .. . I love all my wife's friends.” 


artide are taken), writes: "Europeans 
who traveled on the riverboats were 
astonished at the equality that existed 
among waders, plantation owners, the 
's barber, members of Congress. . . . 
One man w good as another if he had 
enough money to play. Republicanism 
even extended at times to the cards them- 
selves, where traditional kings, queens 
and knaves were supplanted by more 
democratic figures.” Depending on the 
vogue. a king might be portrayed as John 
Adams (“the President of diamonds"). a 
queen as Venus and, not surprisingly 
considering the carnage then taking 
place, Indian chiefs substituted for the 
knaves, 

But if you think Tyrone Power 
riverboat gambler movies 
pretty to be true, contemporary accounts 
describ 
painted vests amond stickpins 
pretty much bear out the movies’ costume 
designers. Of course, more than likely, 
ole Tyrone spent a lot of time marking 
ards and dealing from the bottom of the 
deck. Cheating was endemic, and many 
of today’s most enduring scams were first 
developed on the river, ranging from the 
double team (where a sucker gets caught 
in a cross fire of raises) to the ever-popul 
ace up a ruffled sleeve. In Forty Years a 
Gambler on the Mississippi, published in 
1887, иог, George Devol, mentions 
а game with an Indian chief during which 
one of the chief's friends kept wandering 
round the table, mutterii Injun talk." 
Devol notes that the chief eventually lost. 
despite the fact that he was being fed 
information, and concludes that "any 
one who has a desire to play poker with 
‘big Injuns' has my consent, but I would 
advise them to play a square game and 
keep their eye skinned for the big buck 
that wtlks to the chief.” 

If there were cheats, th "re heroes, 
too. James Bowie. of utensil fame, be- 
came something of 2 Robin Hood for 
suckers who were done in by sharpers 
Aboard the steamer New Orleans in 1832, 
he watched a game in which а young man 
from Natchez was Ileeced of $50,000 by a 
tableful of cheats. Bowie restrained the 
man 


һе 


@ 


from 


flick into his sleeve, Our hero grabbed the 
man's wrist, drew his famous blade and 
said, “Show your hand. If it contains more 
a five cards, I shall kill you.” The 

титтей and Bowie swept the 
ank notes into his large hat and clapped 
it onto his head. He gave the man from 
Natchez 550,000, but only on the condi- 
tion that he never touch another card. 
With tears in his eyes, the young man 
agreed. 

ОГ course, suckers like that were the 
ny gambler’s prayer. Perhaps 
the most gencrous fish of them all was a 
thy lawyer named Randolph Grymes, 


answer to 


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Occasional new bulb and 
stoppage for dusting. 


And not only do we make our slide 
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enough to make them with a number of 
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Another fine product from 
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PLAYBOY 


226 


who practiced in New Orlcans during the 
1830s. One of his clients v 
Jean Lafite, who paid Grymes $20,000 
for keeping him out of the slammer. 
Shortly afterward, Laffite suggested they 
play some cards. The pirate won back 
the 520.000 fee, plus another 520.000 as 
а sweetener, but that was standa 
cedure for Grymes. No one ever в 
walk away from the table a winner, 


dollars in te s of poker play 

It was the s who pepped up 
the rules of th Always eager to 
lure more fish into their nets, gamblers 
troduced the (English) 59-card deck to 
poker in 1837, which opened up the game 
from a maximum of four players to seven 
or more, and then kept thinking of new 
twists in the years that followed: Flushes 
were allowed їп the 18505 (although 
straights didn't surface for another de 
е or so), the draw was hailed 
tionary and some cowperson somewhere 
came up with the notion of an open-card 
poker game, which he named alter his 
stud horse. 

Because poker was played mostly at 
the edge of the frontier, the game 
a certain degree of Jaw and c 
throughout much of the cent 
agreements over rules and ranking of 
hands were frequently resolved by death. 
And it wasn’t just cowpokes who drilled 
each other between the eyes—or tried to. 
Henry Clay, who usually behaved him- 
self when he went head to head against 
nother poker player, Daniel Webster, 
псе found himself in a high-stakes game 
h a professional gambler. He was not 
amused when the gambler laid down а 
hand with three aces in it at the very mo- 
ment that Clay held two others. Clay rose 
from his chair, pulled out a pistol and 
the gambler ran out the door; frustrated, 
Clay walked over to the man's empty 
chair and shot a bullet through the seat. 

In those days, no-limit sull prevailed 
and there was а gentleman's agreement 
that a player be given 24 hours to raise 
money when he couldn't cover a bet. One 
familiar story has it that a St. Louis man 
showed up at a bank clutching a sealed 
envelope. He w 
and requested а 55000 Ioan, Asked for se- 
у. the man handed the cashier the 
envelope: It contained four kings and an 
ace—a sure thing. the royal flush then 
being unrecognized and the ace provid- 
ing assurance that the hand was unbeata- 
ble. The cashier, a prim and uptight 
fellow, said, “The bank, sir, docs not 
lend on cards" At that moment, the 
bank's president strolled by, glanced at 
the man's hand and rushed. back to the 
poker game with him, carrying several 
bags of double eagles. He returned. five 
minutes later with the bags, threw down 
another $500 in interest for the bank and 
yelled at the cashier: "Ever play poker 
Well, sir, if you had, you would know 
better what good col! hat hand 


yea 
'er тор 


revolu- 


ution for our entire 


assets 

It was during the Civil War that poker 
became a truly national pastime, or two 
national pastimes, as the case may have 
been. Put quite simply, when soldiers 
weren't shooting one another, they were 
playing cards, An investigation at the 

ne showed that 90 percent of the ci 
bezzlements of Army paymasters were the 
result of poker losses. Chaplains com- 
mbling tents were filled 
services went unattended. 


while religiou 
A description of the rout 
the Wilson Rangers in Louis 
provided by a member of that group 
“When we were ordered to drill—which 


пе followed by 


A was 


was every day—we would mount our fine 
horses, gallop out back of the city, and 
the first orders we would receive from 


our commanding officer would be, 'Dis- 
mount! Hitch horses! Mardi! Hunt 
Begin pli 
Confederate General Nathan Forre 


a fierce poker player, became one of 
the most glamorous figures of the entire 
four-year til when he won several bat 
Чез on bluff alone. With 400 men un- 
der his command, he managed to make 
his Union counterpart, Colonel Abel 
Streight, believe a rebel battalion was 
breathing down his neck. He and his 
2500 Union soldiers fled. When Forrest's 
troops later captured а detachment head- 
ed by the selfsame colonel, Forrest 
walked over to his high-ranking prisoner 
1 remarked, “Cheer up, Colonel, this 
is not the first time a bluff has beaten a 
straight.” Historians fail to report wheth- 
er or not Colonel Streight chuckled. 
Then there was the Union paymaster 
who was captured by a Confederate band 
and had to give up the 550000 in Army 
funds he was carrying. The rebs let him 
keep a few hundred dollars of it and 
then insisted that their prisoner play a 
litle poker with them. Before the after- 
noon was through, the Union man had 
won back all of the money. His captors 
briefly considered shooting him but, 
being Southern gentlemen, decided he 
should keep it Moments later, they 
heard the sound of a i 
арргоа y 
master behind. He joyfully rejoined his 
own troops, explaining how he'd been at- 
tacked and robbed—but neglecting to 
mention that he'd gotten the $50,000 
s Chafetz tells the stor 


hing and fled, leaving the 


poker game, so the whole th 
was his own business and nobody else's. 

nally, the Civil War period can lay 
claim to the game that resulted in the 
biggest pot of all time, except for one 
annoying derail. Jt seems that Union 
General Nelson. Miles captured a couple 
of Confederate wagons brimming with 
hard cash and, before he could stop his 
troops, they'd helped themselves to the 
booty and begun to play poker with mad 
andon. The year was 1865, the South 


was crumbling, one of the soldiers raked 
in a pot amounting to $1,200,000 and, yes, 


it was worthless Confederate currency. 
The only people to rival the poker 
fanatics in blue and gray were Western- 
ers. Between the California gold rush in 
1849 and the turn of the century, billions 
of dollars were bet in mining camps, 
frontier settlements and barrooms west of 
the Mississippi. In Ore City, Colorado, 
couple of prospectors who had struck it 
rich with a huge vein of gold were known 
10 be such heavy gamblers that a saloon 
as built near the entrance to their mine 
so they could bet the gold nuggets they'd 
up during the day without 
In Coyoteville, Ca 
prospecting partners got in 
game against one another. Two of them 
k ist their shares in a fabulously rich n 
to the third partner, who graciously of- 
fered his former partners work in the 
€ for an ounce of gold a day. The 
serious: One 
tire evening ріауй 
cirds without taking his eyes off his op- 
ponents. stuffing wads of chewing tobac- 
co into his mouth all the while. When 
another player noticed the stream of to- 
bacco juice wickling down the man's 
chin and onto the floor, he asked the 
miner why he didn't spit into a cuspidor 
behind him. “Not in this game, mister,’ 
he replied. 
Epitaph on а boot-hill tombstone: 


wo 


PLAYED TIVE АС! 
NOW PLAYING A 


ARP. 


It was during this period (the late 
1860s and early 1870s) that some of the 
betterknown Western heroes left their 
markers at poker tables here and there. А 
young ci 
visiting / 


ias in 1870, got 
th some locals 
ble good luck. 


“One of the Ere Jim Cathcart by 
name, snarled, "Well, by hell, you are a 
n't you? and as he spoke, he 
pped out the big gun on the right side 
belt. I was blind with terror. . . . 
When I opened my eyes a second later, I 
w Cathcart staring at the door, his right 
arm hanging limp at his side, . . . Stand- 
ing quietly under the lintel of the door, 
with his two big guns covering the five of 
us, was Wild Bill Hickok, Abilenc’s cele- 
brated marshal. ‘Slope for your camp, 
son,” said Wild Bill to me. . .. The way I 
cut out for our camp, eight miles away, 
was а warning to grasshopper 

OF course, Wild Bill didn't fare very 
well himself at a poker game some years 
later, on August 2, 1876. He was in Dead- 
wood Gulch, in the Dakota Territory, 
nd had agreed to take a seat at the table 
without the usual insistence that he be 
able to see the door. A nasty creature 
by the name of Broken Nose Jack McCall 
sneaked into the saloon and shot Wild 


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As after-dinner desserts or in before-dinner sours 
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memories you'll never want to forget. 

For о copy of the Leroux guide to creative cooking, 
send 50€ (no stamps, please) to: Leroux 
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LEROUX 


Introduces ice cream parlor 


flavors for grownups. 


The Seven'n Cider. 


wu When you make your own 
MEN cider, it just doesn't taste 
like ordinary cider. 

It tastes like apples. 

So fresh and crisp, you 
í I 1 could almost bite into it. 

Yet, good as it is, we 
| | l suggest you go it one better. 
By mixing the fruit of your 
labor with Seagram’s 7 Crown, 
over lots of ice. 

It’sa taste as brisk and 
breezy as autumn itself, even 
z if your cider isn’t homemade. 
The Seven’n Cider. 

A drink witha catchy way 
! of making friends, made 

with the whiskey Ámerica 
likes best. 


Sagami 7 Gown: 
| It's America's whiskey. 


n 

- 

КЕ; 
E 


ТА cay wars 
"i 
< ка 


а 


Just toss 112 ounces of Seagram's 7 Crown into a <~ 


mugful of ice, and stir in 6 ounces of fresh, sweet apple cider. 


Bill in the back of the head. The hand he 
was holding was a queen and two pa 
aces and eights, forevermore known 


Law and order was still taking its t 
moving West, and poker fever occasion- 
lly y into court records. 1 
one Western courtroom, a lawyer took 
offense at а court ruling and yelled at the 
judge, "Yer Honor, that ain't the law 
Bur the opposing lawyer raised an objec 
tion, so the first lawyer pulled a ten-dol- 

bill out of his pocket and shouted, 
VU bet ten dollars it ain't!” Since the 
second lawyer didn't call the bet, the 
judge felt constrained to hand down 
the only possible verdict: “If you ain't got 
the nerve to cover his ten. I guess you're 
wrong. The court rules ag 

Lady poker players out 
deed, There weren't many, 
numbers are only relativ 
sider that a Californi 
reported seven wome 
men. 


it's true, but 
when you con- 
census in 1850 
for every 100 
Most of the ladies, of course, gath 
ered in cities. When Horace Greeley 
visited a mining camp in Colorado 
Territory in 1859, he reported there were 
1000 men and exactly 12 women. No 
atter. The [ew who showed up left a 
trail: Kitty the Schemer, who screwed 


and blulfed her way through scores of 
boom 


and 
mis- 


in the Seventies 
do Charlie Utter's 
four feet 


towns 


er play 
her, Doc Hollid 
who, according to 
“could bet a sick ha 
she had a royal Hush 
to look dow 


a 
though 
nd never hesitates 
n’s throat when she 


had an ace to d "; and Poker Alice. 
the product of a Southem finishing 
school, who made a at the poker 


table and smoked lon, 
she played 

But maybe the have 
been unfairly branded as hopeless with a 
poker hand is clearest in the story tha 
was told around the turn of the century. 
A brother and a sister in their early 205 
were passengers on a slow steamship 
healed for New York. The young man 
was lured into a game by а middle-aged 
з who obviously knew his poker. The 
stakes were small at first but gradually 
sed to where the young man had 
er 51000 and had dipped into a 
: ag for his [amily. 
me was jackpot—a pair of jacks or 
needed to open and the players 
teing until someone can ор 
nother 51000 lay in the middle of 
the table, representing all the 
money the boy's family had in the world. 
uldenly, on а whim, the young man 
stood up and said, "Ive heard there's 
Tuck in à new player—if you ve no objec 
tion, deal this hand to my sister.” The 
man agreed and the girl. giggling exc 
edly, took her brother's scat. The m: 
lu and the girl picked her cards up 


(Caso n women 


m 


lost 


de 


"so th 
them. First an 


опе by one. holding il 
tors behind her could se 
асе, then 
third ace and, u 


spect: 


"Play it for all the money," whispered 
her brothei 

The bet was called. "Cards, il 
the asked. 


The young girl answered, "Fou 
tossed her aces onto the table. The man 
quickly dealt four cards and stood pat, 
smiling. The girl started stammering that 
she'd gotten the game confused with old 
maid; her brother ran to the railing of 
the ship and began retching. 

АШ the money had been played by 
then, во there remained only the show 
down. The man held a small full house: 
The girl dropped her cards onto the 
table and whimpered. The spectators 
stared. The queen she'd ke 
matched by three more qu 
ily fortune was saved, brother 
stopped retching and the girl allowed as 
how this just might be a game she could 
get into, alter all. 

Except for Arnold Rothstein, gambler 
bout town and the man who allegedly 
ed the 1919 world serie, poker lore 
latens out some in the 20th Century. 
Rothstein played in the poker game with 
the second-biggest pot in history. It was 
ick the Greek" D: 
ame was stud. Details on w 


the 


what are hazy, y 
that Rothstein won a pot of 
5605.000. The next day, Rothstein sent 
Nick a new Rolls-Royce as à token of his 
esteem, but Nick sent it back with a note 
reading, "Who needs a car in New 
York?" And in 1998, following a poker 
game in which Rothstein losi 5340,000 
nd refused to pay up, he was shot in 
the crotch by one of the winners. He died 
shortly afterward. 

And the biggest pot of all time? This 
shoukt settle the usual squabbles that 
-night poker. The game 
took place, appropriately enough, in 
New Orleans. Allen Dowling, author of 
The Great Amevican Pastime, says it was 
it two-man game in the old St. Charles 
Hotel shortly a the Civil War. Names 

i ioned—perhaps Ше partici- 


but its gei 


arisc over 


althy Louisiana import 
it. the other a cotton and tobacco 
lt was in the d no-limit 


poker and the men had played all night 
when the big play finally сате at dawn. 
‘They had raised and reraised each other 


until there was $300,000 in the pot. the 
ac- 


mit ol their respective checking 
counts. The plantation. owner then 
gested that if his opponent would put up 
three blocks he owned on Canal Street. 
he, the planter, would bet the deed to his 
St. James Parish property—each property 
had been appraised at $250,000. For a 
10 of 5800.000, the nds were exposed. 
The planter had fou importer а 
schigh str 


Now, we've called that little episode 
the biggest pot ever. and that's because 
there was something а little uncricket 
about an event that took place in Sani 
Fe in 1889. Professional gambler John 
Dougherty was facing off against cattle 
n Ike Jackson for the poker cham. 
jonship of the We includ- 
g the governor of i 
Mexico, was there 


building the pot to 5100.000, 
te out a deed to his ranch, 
Which included 10,000 head of cattle, and 
bet it, Dougherty, who couldn't call, 
and a pen, wrote some- 
down and handed the paper to the 
or near о drew his g 
sovernor,”” he m this or PIL kill 
you.” The governor complied at once. 
Triumphantly, Dougherty tosed "m 
document into the pot and yelled, * 
raise you the Territory of New Mexi 
There's the deed! 
Jackson knew when he was beat and 
folded his hand. “AIL right, take it,” h 
"But mn good thing lor you 


asked for а рар 
thin 


the governor of Texas isn't her 
OK. once around to the dealer. Those 
Mississippi steamboats and Western min- 


ing camps are no more and the heavy 
ction has moved into air-condi 
rlors in Nevada and Gardena, 
And, of course, into you 
t most ay nights. So you can. 
Мате the politicians if you sense that 
something's gone out of the game. No- 
body's reraising cattle ranches anymore, 
or. if they are. you're not likely to hear 
about it before the IRS does. Today it's 
illegal to run a poker game for house 
profit anywhere except. Nevada and pa 
of California, where, with idiot reason: 
id was declared me of "ch; 
d therelore illicit, and dr: 
"skill" and therefore virmous. 
Private games for anything 
matchsticks are illegal in most states, but 
the еа Ше screwy there, too. In 
some states. you can find loopholes that 
put private-club games pretty much out 
of reach of the law. In any case, the stat 
utes Шиг do exi: are 
lly never The theory, 
presumably, is that all you're doing is 
playing to destroy your fr 
esteem and cripple his credit r 
other words, you're in а friendly game. 
So the thing to do, now that the leg- 
ends have faded, is to take on the cheer- 
lul attitude of the guy who was asked 
why he was joining a game he knew to 
be crooked. "V 1," he drawled, “its 
the only game in town." And remember, 
there's consolation in what Mavericks 
Pappy said about poker: "You can [ool 
all of the people some of the time aud 
some ol the people all of the time—and 
those are very good odds. 


of 
but 


virtu enforced. 


227 


PLAYBOY 


CHEESECAKE MADNESS 


Pittsburgh metalworker will break both 
your arms for ten dollars? 

America is specding down the read to 
mental ruin. Food prices are up. Worker 
productivity is down. Our moral precepts 
have been turned inside ош. And the 
tion’s insane asylums are teeming with 
psychological basket cases who once rep- 
resented the country’s last best hope. Is 
cheesecake at fault? Got any better ideas? 


ISOLATING THE CHEESECAKE ELEMENT 


Until 1973 
ducting cheesecake research that would 
be recognized as scientifically valid was 
the great variation in the types and 
concentrations of cheesecake, Cheesecake 
myths abounded and researchers sought 
some method for extracting laboratory 


jor obstacle to con 


а 


pure the huge q 
et" ily 
to the gen 

Е esearchers at the National 


cinnati succeeded. in 
mple of laboratorygrade cheesecake. 
ing th d. science acquired 
a method for analyzing street cheesecake 
and producing pure samples for expe 
mental purposes. Having met the initial 
rese 
е the various areas of cheese- 
cake abuse and its relation to mental 
illness and national deca 


WEITH ANIMALS 


In the first series of NICR tests using 
ive subjects, dogs were exposed to hi 
concentrations of cheesecake 
phy r strict clinical supervi: 
ious tests were performed, including 
monitoring of all physiological functions 
and frequent psychological evaluation by 
competent veterinary psychiatrists. In 
order to simulate human social condi- 
tions, the dogs were forced t0 wear d 
lasses and sit upright in folding cl 
When a dog's glasses fell off. thumbtz 
were used. 

Seven months of exhaustive study veri- 
fied the initial hypothesis: Prolonged ех 
posure to cheesecake produced aggressive 
behavior and violent reactions in the 
subjects. In addition, doctors noted se- 
vere mental and physical deterioration 
that could only be attributed to the high 
concentration. of cheesecake, thus lend- 
ing credence to the argument that cheese- 
cake abuse destroys brain cells, causes 
genetic damage and bothers the hell out 
of dogs. 


z 


TESTS W 


UMANS 


jes of rests Conducted in 
'oduced 


he second se 
Cincinnati | 
s performed on a group of white, 
Midwestern college students culled from 
national fraternities proved that cheese- 
jor changes in physical 


startling results. 
ге 


(continued from page H3) 


characteristics. The human subjects were 
given pure cheesecake doses far greater 
than would ever be encountered in every- 
day use, but the effect was of such rel 
vance as to mii i 

the admi 


t 


> 
We 


¥ 


| 


It is clear from these sc 
ments performed under strictcontrol sit- 
wations that cheesecake abuse poses a far 
n we had anticipated. 


“4 
{ 


A VISIT TO A CHEESECAKE. 
TREATMENT CENTER 


see it 


You є 


their eyes. After а 
junkie's eyes begin to 


while. a cheeseca 
look like housemaid's 
sense that he would have a difficult time 
getting a passport. That's just one of the 
many profound impressions [ formed 
after touring the nation’s largest hos 
til for the rehabilitation of cheesecake 


knees 


wb you 


addicts. 

Their minds are shot, Years of expo- 
sure to cheesecake charred their 
brains and wracked th 


nervous systems 
to the point of no response. They sit i 
their cell-like hospital rooms, tuming 
nary pages with their twitching 
ndex fingers, occasionally holding their 
clenched fists one over the other, as if 
opening some invisible gatefold. They 
ber а lot, the worst of them bei 
swapped loosely into therapeutic * 
jackets.” specially constructed. garments 
designed to reduce the severity of а sur- 
prise cheesecake seizure, and their palms 
are covered with warts as big 


imag 


slol 


cars. This is what obscenity does to the 
body and the mind. It is not a pleasant 
sight, but irs good for a chuckle. 


UNSC D TESTIMONY 


аст 


Brother Claude knows only too well 
the dangers of cheesecake. For five years, 
he was an addict supporting а 40-volume- 
aday habit, reduced to stealing his 
friends’ porch furniture in order to raise 
money for the local pornographer, a 
shady entrepreneur whose direct contacts 
with the 51,000,000-2-year smut industry 
allowed him to pervert an enti 7 
borhood of innocent youths. boys who 
just years before had been playing soft 
ball at the local playground, attendi 
boy-scout meetings after school and help- 
ing blind people find their way onto 
crowded superhighways. 

“When 1 was 11, some of the older 
neighborhood boys showed me a dirty 
magazine,” remembers Brother. Claude 
Gee, I said, this doesn't look like Boy's 
Life. It’s the same thing, they said; but 
before 1 could run away. they had 
opened to the middle of the magazine, 
thrusting before my eyes a provocative 
photograph of a naked woman. I looked 
at it for only a few seconds, but it was too 

te. І was hooked. The next thing I 
knew, 1 was laughing hysterically and 
rolling around on the floor. 1 begged 
them to let me look at the picture agai 
but they said I would have to pay them. 
That was how it all began. Dirty jokes 
сате next, then obscene films in the 
coach's basement. All the kids were doing 
cheesecake then and i became а bi 
status thing to sce who could do more 
books many 
could look at without passing out. 

“Alter a while. my parents began to 
suspect something was wrong,” continues 
Brother С Ims were always 
swe: 1 constant state 


ind magazines, how you 


otic. 
g to keep 
up when I 


c somewhat q 
1 grew unpredictable, forget 
appointments and showin 
жаз not supposed to. 

My behavior became more and more 
irrational, 1 started molesting small 
forest animals, exposing mysell before 
sterco equipment. E assaulted а young 
secretary, tortured a house plant, phoned 
in orders to go and never picked them 
up. It was at this point that I considered 
professional help. 

Once in the hospital, Brother Claude 
was placed on a Maidenform program, а 
carefully supervised method of treatment 
whereby cheese 
to view si 
ment advertisements. Although the Mai 
enform treatment is itself habit-forming, 
i ved to be less dangerous than 
cheesecake addiction, and the 
ly regulated production of the 
ad copy ensures а u 
that fac 
cal evaluat 


ilormity of dosage 


and psycholog: 
have been 


“What could 1 do? He pointed out it was a cooperative apartment.” 


229 


PLAYBOY 


230 


“Susan! I thought you told me you were 
allergic to wool!” 


encing any of the 
deterioration that is known to 
affect cheesecake abusers. 

Brother Claude was lucky. Many oth- 
ers at the hospital have not had such 
good fortune. A 17-year-old known only 
as Alvin has been under treatment for 
three years following an ill-fated attempt 
to go “cold fudge sundae,” a bru 
therapeutic method for freeing the ad- 
dict from cheesecake dependency. Now 
Alvin sits babbling on the sun deck, 
using his contorted fist to make obscene 
shadow figures on the wa 
He is fed intravenously, which makes Го 
some unusual shadow pictures. 

Brother Claude and Alvin may be the 
lucky ones, however. For every Brother 
ude and Alvin there are countless 
others whose cheesecake mania flourishes 
unchecked. And with the recent upsurge 
n cheesecake abuse, there has been a 
dramatic change in the nation's soc 
behavior. There is no question th 
cheesecake is responsible for the m: 
increase im violent crimes, the gene 
corruption of our moral standards and 


the sharp rise in reported cases of para- 
noia, precocious senility and messianic 
delusions. In short, cheesecake le 
madness. 


PORN TO LOSE 


asonable man claim 


that 
is responsible for all the ills 


ny re 


plaguing today's society? Certainly, if 
you can get someone to publish the arti- 
cle. Here is just a partial list of the evils 
brought about by cheesecake abuse: 

* A mysterious tain derailment n 
St. Louis. 


+ No sound out of right stereo speaker. 
Bla it all on cheesecake may not 
be as outrageous as it appears at first 


glance, for anything that has such à 
strong grasp on the mind can be said to 
alier our perceptions of the world 


around us. If you wake up one morning 
to find reuactable daws where your 
gernails used to be, maybe it was some 
thing you read the night before. If a 
white gorilla drives a thresher through 
your living room, maybe you ought to 


A GLOSSARY OF THE JARGON OF THE € 


roach а cheesecake ently t 
hassle the area between the two buttocks 
bummer а roach who is preoccupied with hassles 


a girl with very large breasts 
hippie ап elderly acid 
turn on to cat building; 
mort to br 

hookah а palm wart 
flip out to spon 
electric Kool-Aid 
score 
toke 


freak out to spend an after 


as a response to cheesecak 
he the staples out o a magazine 


a refreshing beverage made from c 
collect obscene telephone call 


ECARE WORLD 


buse 


nes Irom cheesecake abuse 
ht-millimeter film 


olf the hard-core. If your new radar oven 
gives birth to a litter of digital clocks, 
maybe someone slipped а few dirty post- 
cards into your moming mail. When that 
happens, it's time to take action! 


м 


ПАТ TO DO? WHAT ТО bo? 


As а healthy, right-thinking American, 
what steps сап you take to protect your- 
self from cheesecake madness? First, wear 
Il times. 
ys been an effective diver- 
пагу tactic. Second, swing your arms 
wildly in front of you when you walk, 
this procedure being a recognized meth- 
od for fending off the advances of prosti- 
tutes, cheesecake peddlers and low-lying 
rplanes. Third, and most important, 


whistle As the Caissons Co Rolling 
Along whenever you are not speaking, in 
order to “jam” the incoming cheese 


signals that permeate the air we bre: 
t the atmosphere in wl 


we think, 

Next, consider the various courses of 
action open to the average citizen in his 
fight against the rampant cheesecake 
асс. Let these recent news items 
serve as examples to emulate and enlarge 
upon: 

* In a Midwestern suburb, a local por- 
nographer was drawn and quartered by 
four retired businessmen driving high 
powered lawn mow: 

-In men’s group 
dropped hundreds of paperboys on 
knowledged smut vendors. 

* In San Di recognized obscene 
film maker was blown up in his sleep by 
vigilantes who destroyed three city blocks 
before finding his apartment 


CHEESECUT: A SHORTCAKE TO INSA 


мү 


I've given you the facts, I've presented 
the picture, Tve carefully excluded. all 
opposing views. Now, why don't you 
send me some money? We are waging a 
war against cheesecake 
every clam we can scare up. Unlike so 
called “professional associations” we 
urge participation from every level of so- 
ciety and actively seek the aid and advice 
self-styled experts, bleeding hearts, a 
aders and meddling do-goode: 
less of pol 

Our go 
psyche before America is ci 
holocaust. of industrial accidents. and 
bathroom mishaps caused by cheesecaked 
individuals. We want to frce the nation's 
front pages from stories of atrocitics that 
only a cheesecake-crazed mind could con 
ceive. We want to wipe out organi 
crime, cure cancer, make ev 
waterway safe for public bathing by 1977 
and perfect a reusable space shuttle that 
on human waste products. We 
think these goals isti 
but we need your help. Fight cheesecake 
madı 


need 


VEGAS . ton’s shoulders seemed. to His two 
(continued from р 


hole cards were the ace and two of clubs. 
g glasses of Fresca and chewing on Together with the two clubs on the table, 
ad melting ice cubes. But it wasnt the same. he had bee: à bobtailed flush 
Addington, on the other hand. was The denouement came at 4:35 P.M. needing another dub on one of the 
always the epitome of cool—seemingly 29 hours and 35 minutes of playing after final two cards. It was all over. He had 
in nament be Each player mised his Hush. Moss, who was sitting 
bovant. blufing style had made him the amed S1000. Moss looked at his two hole with the three of clubs and the three 
charism da of the gallery, He cards and bet $3000. Addington called. of hea 
looked like the Missisippi riverboat The dealer turned up the three of іа. һава пес ness embellished by a super 
gambler in Hollywood's version of Show monds. ni of clubs and ten of dubs. fluous рай of n making an ишет. 
Boat. He wore a gold identification Mos bet another S4000. an indication ble lull house 
bracelet and а gold Patek Philippe watch gth. Addington pondered his iwo A thunderelap of 
on cither wrist. gold and diamond rings. ds. Then. in one emphatic веў pied by hoarse cheer 
а diamond tie tick in his Cassini tie ture, he shoved all of his remaining chips — plavers to the 
w to the pot. exactly as he'd done so many bä 
es before. But this time. he was bet- Any cardplayer would have 
52.000, Every ble Crandell.” Moss said, save 


blotting beady perspiration from his sipp 


for holdi 


apable of sweating. His more flam- the tou 


rts in the hole. held the winn 


ч 


m 


pplause accompa 
g brought bou 
nelly hand 


г feer for a fi 


and—beoween hands at | 
c. dimpled smile. His fresh manicure 
he overhead lights. 

gon lir up 
Heros he had brought Irom — Gasps were heard among those straining But Тка 
0. stulled it into the corner Ol pehind the velvet ropes. Was Addington killed h 


sh 


ide the 


cherite 


E 


ame- same bet 


nother of the Suer- diately bolted upright from. his seat. victory with a glass of Pi 


per Heidsieck 
w E had him, Shit. 1 could have 
m in seven different ways." 


Шек C; 
San Anton 


his mouth and the showdown was under plulhng again or did he really have "What happened to your hat?” asked 
жау. Moss was holding only 553.000, But merino? Would Mow fold his hand one of the reporters present 

during the next four hours, he relentless: yd absorb an S3000 loss, rather than “I left it back in my ro Adding 
ly nibbled away ar Addingion’s S107.000 bling an additional SIRO The tn replied. “Ihe Lact that D wasn't 


stock pile by lorcing his opponent out of 
the more modest pots and successtully 
calling many ш. Iu the lace of these re- 
versals. Addington reoried t0 intensified ® eves. already red Irom 
psychological tactics. Each time Moss con 
templated a critical bet. he was con- 
homed with searing. combative stares ! 
lasting as long as several minutes. Вис Moss. softly, enrichin 
Mow never blinked. When Addington — as he called the bet. 
ran out of cigars, thus eliminati The dealer methodically turned up a 
ther subile weapon, he switched ı0 queen of spacey and a red nine. Addi, 


it was just am angle for the 
other players to be thinking about 

Moss was posing Гог flashbulbing, pho 
tographers. holding a gleaming silver 
loving cup spilling over with 5160.000 in 
new S100 bills. 

Watchin; 
Add 


stully room was sullused with an omi 


nous sile 


€. Mos pinched his watery 


gue. Ad 
dington clenched his teeth, acivating 
spasms in borh cheek muscles. 


dell,” said 
ЫШ 000 


wistlully from the side lines. 
said, "Well. 1 
Гам one. 


to 


UsTareyton 
smokers 
would rather 
fight than 
switch! 


FILTERS: 


Tareyton 1005 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


King Size: 21 mg "tar", 14 mg. nicotine; | That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous 10 Your Health. 
100 mm: 21 mg. "ar, 15 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette. FTC Report March 74, 


PLAYBOY 


232 


ТИЙ NOR ШШЕ (continued from page 112) 
р 


your tactics which method is employed: 
ask. 

What's a low? John Scarne, who has 
as good a claim as any man to be the 
definitive expert on card games (Fired 


whist and q dile; modem books on 
poker "according to Hoyle” are just non- 
ys that the lowest hand in low- 
75-2 of mixed suits—in other 
words, aces, straights and flushes count as 
high only. Reese and Watkins (authors 
of How 10 Win at Poker) hold out lor 
A, straights and flushes counting 
high, aces counting low. I've played in 
games in San Francisco and London 
where 54-32-4 (called the wheel, among 
other things) is Ше low hand. Make sure 
you know before you start. 

Where's the bug? Games in which the 
or joker, enters the picture arc 


hug. 


sloppy, vaguely racy s—sportswriter 
poker. Anyone who plays poker with 
sportswriters deserves the abuse he's cer- 
tain to take. 

Anything else? Don't assume anything. 
Some games have limits on the number of 
per round. Some double the n 
mum allowable bet on the last hand. Some 
are peppered with odd games called push 
or stop or three-card monte that aren't 
really poker at all. If you don't under- 
stand a game, sit it out and watch. 

Beyond the specifics of rules, try to get 
some general fecling for the game. Is it 
tight or loose? Poker Playing in America 
Charley plays with a group that thinks 
seven-card stud is a little fanciful, and 
there's а game in Los Angeles where 
they play night baseball with a four-card 
uvin-bed layou € aces is usually good 
cnough for a split. 

You should match your play 


to the 


thythm of the 
playing loose in 


The dangers of 
ight game are ob- 
n get burned playing 
tight in a loose game. too. If you fold cv 
erything except the champions, all those 
Tun lovers will drop the moment you 
stay in and your pots will be tiny. The 
k of the cards evens out; what sepa- 
tes good poker players from bad poker 
Biens is the size of the pots they win. 

а quick way of getting a sense of 
ru game, watch the first few five-stud 
games. With seven people playing, how 
many drop out in the first round of bet- 
ting? Five or It’s а game of iron 
asses and accountants, Four? Tight but 
happy. Three? Sloppy but sane. Two or 
under? A walk in the park. 

Now that you've figured out the ga 

turn your attention to the players. If you 
can figure out why they play poker, you 
may be able to predict what they're 
going to do. Mcthod poker. Herc are my 
categories, arranged in descending order 
of skill: 
The player who plays to win money: 
The toughest of all. He rarely bluffs: he 
frequently folds; he pays attention. He 
bets up his winners and abandons his 
losers. He'll talk you off, but youll 
be listening at your peril; he won't. He 
can occasionally be blufled, if he doesn't 
have a very good hand, because he fig- 
ures that the financial risk isn't. worth 
the information. The only way to beat 
him is to outplay him; he will not beat 
himself. 

The player who plays for victory: The 
money player wants cash, negotiable cur- 
rency, the stuff that buys food and c 
renes. The victory player wants to win. 
He ‘t be bluffed; his pride is too 
t. He'll bet the pot up a lot, some- 
times driving out players the money 
player would have suckered in. He 


be influenced by table talk, and if you 
be; 


him badly on one hand, he'll stay in 
t you all night, hoping for re 
venge. But, like the money player, he 
knows the odds, and he concentrates. 
He'll kill a hesitant or timid player 
every time. 

The player who plays for fun: For 
him, а poker game is like a movie, a rec 
rcational vehicle. He wants to win, but 
he is unruffled by defeat, What he really 
likes is the camaraderie, the free beer, 
the dick of chips and the smell of маје 
smoke. His stratagems are usually cle- 
mentary, varying little from hand to hand 
Kl session to session. Anything more 
borate is too much work. Just don't get 
him pissed off or he'll sober up and steal 
1 couple of huge pots. (In general, an 
ble poker personality is an asset 
You don't want the whole table gunning 
for you.) 

The player who plays for action: This 
is the true crazed gambler, the fellow who 


In 1870, Charles Fleischmann created the world's first 
dry gin. And that's how the dry martini was born. 
You still enjoy the difference in the Fleischmann martini. 
Because it's still made with the world's driest gin. 


Fleischmann's.The world's driest gin since 1870. 


* THE FLEISCHMANN DISTILLING СОВР. NYC. 233 


PLAYBOY 


234 


would bet on how long it takes his mother 
to bleed to death. He never folds, often 
bets the maximum on the first round 
without looking at his cards. Fold fre- 
quently agaiust him; bleed him dry with 
your winners; let him do the betting. 
He'll lose eventually; be patient. 

The player who plays to lose money: 
Every experienced poker player has run 
into people like this. The loser turns the 
game into a psydhodrama, confirming 
his vision of his own wretchedness. The 
loser will stay on a pair in seven stud 
forever but will fold three tens in draw 
because someone raised him. Money 
players love him—the ultimate fish—but 
recreational players hate him, because 
he makes the game embarrassing and 

wkward. 

Watch your opponents, Watch th 
faces. Everyone knows that you should 
keep a poker face, bu prising num- 
ber cannot. А bad hand puts a slight 
crease between the eyebrows; а good 
hand brings а certain manly stillening to 
the shoulders. Some players will hold 
a mediocre hand but place а good hand in 
a neat stack on the table, the better to 
do all that two-fisted betting they're 
planning on. There are players whose 
noses itch at the prospect of victory and 
players who light cigarettes when they 
suspect they're outgunned. There are 
players with a simple black-iswhite theo- 
ry of dissembling, so that they complain 
about their cards only when they've got 
a lock. or look relaxed and confident 
only when they're bluffing. There a 
teeth pickers. head seratchers, finger 
twiddlers, thumb drummers and leg 
crossers. I once played with a man who 
farted every time he pulled a full house. 

It is equally important to be aware of 
your own m d ао seek to 
correct them. you should re 
in expressionless, almost motionless, 
throughout the entire game. but that 
would make p poker like having 
dinner at a military academy, [ust be 
sure that your gestures and conversation 
are studiously random, unrelated to the 
quality of your hand. And remember 
this about your own mannerisms: Your 
best friends won't tell you 

Just as there are раце 
there are patterns of betting. A quick 
example: You are playing Black Mari 
or Chicago or Michigan or whatever you 
call. high-spade-in-the-holesplits-the-pot- 
with-thehigh-hand. You have the a 
spades down from the beginnin, 
you routinely bet small to be: 
as not to drive the mary 
increasing the bets in some n 
cal way as the game progresses? A ре 
fectly sensible way to bet. but if you 
keep doing it, the others are eventually 
going to catch on. Vary your pitche: 
Bet the ace strong from the beginning 


ж 


TH 


occasionally. Ma 
bluffing. 

Remember, too, that winne 
ferently from los 
kes over. Losers abandon thi 
y mostly on 
s become 
ying 
on hands they should really fold. lt 
hard to bluff a winner; it’s hard to suck 
а loser. You, of course. being smarter 
than that, play according to the same 
sound principles no matter how much 
money you have, 

Which brings us to tactics. The quiz 
that follows is designed to illustrate cer- 
tain tactical principles, not test your acu- 
men—if you miss more than two, you 
should ушу away from hig-moncy games 
with pinkie rings. It is 
all questions that there are 
seven people in the game; that it is limit 
poker with a one-dollar minimum and 
ten-dollar maximum: d SAA ds 
low; that all players are of appr 

ately equal ability. 

1. To start with an elementary exam- 
ple: The game is fivecard stud. You 
have the ten of spades in the hole and the 
cight of diamonds showing. Against you, 
from your left, are ап ace, a jack, anoth- 
k, a five, a deuce and a nine. The 
асе bets a dollar. The first jack folds, 
the second jack calls, the five folds, the 
deuce calls and the nine folds. Do you 
fold, call or raise? 

Answer: Fold instantly, Sure, you 
could pull three aces on your next three 
cards—and George McGovern could get 
elected President. Pride is useless in 
poker. Don't say: That lily-livered 
folded, but not me, I'm tougher t 
that. FID hang in there like the coura- 


ybe they'll think you're 


play dif- 


mous, si 


and cardplaye 


assumed i 


xi- 


geous, cocky little battler that I am, even 
though the odds arc 


odds are against you for 


son: You're a loser. Shut up, sit down 


nd fold. 
The game i 


2 


five-card draw. You 
hold the jack, eight. seven and six of 
clubs and the jack of diamonds. Three 
players have folded on the first round of 
betting: the others, including you, are in 
s. Из time for the draw. 


the diamond 
ack. The odds on pulling the fifth club 
re 414-1, The odds on picking up anoth- 


d jack 


ce, eight, seven 
clubs and the five of diamonds. Two 
players have folded on the first round of 
betting. AH the others, including you, 


are in for four dollars. It’s time for the 
draw. What do you throw away? 


Answer: Throw away the diamond 
five. The odds on getting the flush (as 
we have seen) are 44-1; the odds on 
ight are 5-1. And, of 


pulling the stra 
course, a flush beats a straight. 

4. The game is five-card stud, You have 
the six of spades showing and the 
of diamonds и neath. Arrayed against 
you are a seven, a five, a ten, a deuce, a 
ck and а queen. The queen checks. As- 
sume that you s 
After the next dea 
this, with the five 


in one way or another, 
‚ the cards look like 
nd deuce foldi 


A B © D 
74 10% Jak & Queen Ф 
2@ Jack ¥ King 4 14 


You pull the ace of clubs, giving you a 
pair. Your bet. What do you do? 
Answer: Some cardplayers would тес- 
ommend that you sneak this one around 
end, maybe checking on the second round 
ad throwing out a dollar on the third, 
almost courtesy bet, keeping the 
kers in. Sometimes th 
gy. but not here. What are you waiting 
for? For A to pull three sevens? For D to 
hat pair of aces isn't get- 
s vour game; 
to play. On the second. 
round, pop out five dollars and test their 
resolve. Ou the third round, bump that 
up to s. So what if they all 


ana win money or you 
> 


5. (A) The game is fivec: 
Before the draw, you hold the 
spades, the jack of hearts, the ei 
seven of diamonds and the queen of 
dubs. The man to your right checks and 
you, sitting in the second positi 


e the 
The opening bet is checked 
around to you. Do you check or open? 
(C) You're the dealer, holding the same 
cards, but there is betting on the first 
round. A bets three dollars, В calls, С 
calls, D raises five dollars. Е folds 
Do you fold, call or raise 

Answers: (А) Check. Someone will al- 
most certainly open and by the time the 
bet comes around to you, you'll have а 
Jot more information on which to 
a decision. If no one opens, 
jacks is not а major loss (B) Open mod- 
estly but firmly. It doesn't look as though 
anyone has much (they can't all be sa 
bagging) and your jacks are looking 
pretty good. (C) Fold. D n 
be bluffing with s 
t 10 open on in the number-one pe 
n? Not spinach, ГШ bet. Get out quick 
nd send your pair of jacks back to the 
pack. You don't owe them a thing. 

6. The game is seven-card stud. After 


folds. 


n 
о 


LY, 


0 
y 


/ 
HON: 


ERAI 7 


235 


methiug to do with it! 


^L suppose my size has м 


PLAYBOY 


236 


"Your first mashed ball?” 


four ds and some carly folding, the 


с D 
7" 6% Ace ¥ 
9v 64 10 Ф 
ne of diamonds and the 


two of clubs showing, with the ace and 
ten of diamonds underneath. C bets five 
dollars, D calls. Do you fold, call or ra 

Answer: Fold. The flush is tempting, 
but to make it, two out of your next 
three cards must be diamonds. The odds 
against that are 8-1. 

7. The game is seven-card stud. You've 
just received the sixth card. The array 
ist you looks like this: 


в © D 
ke de 24 jke 
WY 1% 34 5% 
9@ King 6 6V Ae 

Queen Ф BY 10% Queen V 


ve got a pair of jacks showing (one 
heart, one diamond), along with the three 
of diamonds and the 


have the king of hearts and the king of 
spades underneath. The betting has so 
far been moderate, with the only raise 
coming from D on the last round. It’s 
your bet. You check, to see how passion- 
ate D feels. A bets three dollars, В calls. 
© hesitates and calls, D raises three dol- 
lars. Do you fold, call the six dollars or 
raise? 
Answer: 


You fold. Figure it out 
You've got two high pair. A has four 
rds to a high straight and is betting as 
if he has it. В probably has two pair or 
three of a kind. C has the low straight 
d is hoping A didn't pull a high onc. 
D probably has four cards to a flush and 
is raising on the strength of how few 
clubs are out against him. Or he may bc 
raising because he has a high straight 
and doesn't think A can match Ah. 
but you say, I have two hidden kings (a 
nice tactical advantage) and one more 
card to come, and a full boat would 
knock those straights and that fh back 
to Kansa But look around you. 
You're not going to fill that full house 


with a jack, because both of them are run- 
ning with a different crowd right now. 
There's only one other king showing, 
but there are indications that the fourth 
king may not be in the deck waiting to 
drop into your hand. If A or D (the 
ser) has made his straight, he may 
have (must ha n D's case) made it 


ly. if B has two pair, the most like- 
ly duo that would seduce him into 
s (that's right) kings and fours 
all, this doesn't look like your 


8. The game is seven-card high-low 
split. АП the players have just received 
their final cards. The array against you 
looks like this: 


A B с р 
бт We лсе з Ф 
10@ ЗУ Queen Ф 
з Ф Јаке з Ф 
Ace @ King V 24 Jack Ф 


You have, showing, the king. ten and 
five of clubs and the eight of hearts. Un- 
derneath you have the four, three and 
two of diamonds. B bets three dollars, C 
calls, D calls. Do you fold, call or raise? 

Answer: Call. This late in a high-low 
game, when the betting has not been in- 
tense, it’s a good idea to stick around 
for the declaration, It seems likely that A 
will just call—he seems to have the least 
impressive hand of the four against you. 
And interesting things might happen. B 
and D are almost certainly going high, 
which makes them of no interest to you. 
C has a good low hand, but he also has 
three hearts, with only three hearts out 
against him. A may have a seven-six low, 
but he's been playing 1 n hang 
ag on to a ninescven. From his point of 
w, remember, you look like a high 
dub flush. Maybe he sees both you and 
C going high, with his sneaking in for 
low. Or, of course, A could be just neat 
ly hiding a middle-sized straight. 
enough interesting stuff there for you to 
hang on, especially holding an eight-fve, 
for a three-dollar call. A might not even 
call, then you would be in good 
shape. 

All of which is only to say: Know the 
odds, always fold your losers, bet your 
winners firmly, watch the cards on the 
table, notice what position you're sitting 


Y 


in and how that changes your tactics and 
stick around longer in a highlow.split 
game than you would in a onc-way gamc. 

One final piece of advice: Bluff once, 
carly in the game, and get caught at it. It 
will do wonders for the size of your pots. 


nem 
= 
= 
[x 


© нент 
100 PIPERS 


Wherever you go, pack the Pipers. It's bottled and е 
blended in Scotland by Seagram, the world's foremost distiller 


IT'S MADE FOR WEEKENDS LIKE THIS 


PLAYBOY 


238 


ALGONA ИТ д 89 
wives and friends and moved upstairs 
10 а small second-floor suite provided for 
them, free of charge, by Frank Case 
owner of the hotel. The suite was the 
site of a weekly poker game. 

The poker players, who eventually 
began to call themselves the Thana- 
topsis Literary and In 
usually got down to bu 


all hours of Sunday morn 
Sometimes, when the gitme was 
even and there was no big winner who 
developed a sudden case of exhaustion, 
or what Franklin Pierce Adams, the col- 
umnist, called “winner's sleeping sick- 
ness." the game continued all day Sunday 
d into Monday morning. (Adams also 
ad a name for the opposite illness. He 
called it, with a nod toward another col 
umnist, Heywood Broun, "loser's insom- 
‚ or Droun's discasc.") 

The name of the card playing group 
has been erroneously credited. by some 
historians to a press agent named John 
Peter Toohey, probably because Toohey 
was so quick in coming up with the ri 
name when The New Yorker was bı 
organized. There had been quite а de 
bout the appropriate title for the 


(continued from page 113) 
new magazine. but the choice seemed to 


„һе 
reminded the publication's founder and 
editor in chief, Harold Ross. "Why don't. 
you, for Crissakes, call it The New Yor 


' invention. The 
most famous use of tha 
course, as the title of Wi 
Bryant's classic poem. written in 1811. 
but Adams' concentration on the word 
resulted from a more recent usc. He came 
across the word in Sinclair Lewis novel 
Main Street, looked it up because he 
wasn't sure of its meaning and discovered 
that it meant “contemplation of death. 
(Thanatos is a figure out of Greek 
mythology. the personifi 
d opsis means "sight or view.”) The 
word seemed appropriate to poker be- 
cause, as Adams explained to the other 
people at the Round Table, you often 
contemplate dying hopes when you pi 
up your hand and see the terrible cards 
you've been dealt: so he began to call the 
poker group the Young Men's Upper 
West Side Thanatopsis Literary and In- 
side Straight Club. This was later short- 
ened to the permanent name. 


“What I said was, ^1 can see Uranus quite clearly tonight. 


їп earlier poker group that had beg 
when Adams, Ross and Alexander Wooll- 
cott, the Santa Claus-shaped thea 
aitic and book reviewer. were 
working on Stars and Stripes dur 
World War One and eating at a tiny 
Paris restaurant named Nini's, located 
on Place du Tertre. The little restaur 
ned two long tables located at op- 
posite ends of the room and three small 
tables in the center and the food was ex- 
cellent, particularly after the three men 
began to slip the proprietor their ration 
tickets, They usually went to the place 
only on Saturdays, because it was located 
at the top of Montmartre, all the way 
across town from the Stars and Stripes ol- 
fice. but stayed on all day and sometimes 
all night, eating, drinking and gambling. 
ometimes the game was dice, and soi 
times the proprietor produced a shoe 
and set up a game of chemin de fer, but 
most of the time it was poker. 

Other people began to join the game, 
nearly always taken there by Adams. 
Woollcott or Ross, because the bistro was 
so far off the beaten wack that few Amer 
icans discovered it on their own. Steve 
ly, then ап A.E.F. captain and later 
klin Delano Roosevelt's press secre- 
tary, was a frequent player, as were Grant- 
land Rice, the sportswriter, then an 
Army lieutenant, Richard Oulahan. who 
had given up his post as the Times's 
Washington bureau chief to serve 
correspondent, and John T. Wi 
ich, later an editor and expert on rare 
books. George T. Bye, who worked for 
civilian news service but ca ed oc- 
casionally to Stars and Stripes, was also 
part of the group. He later became an 
immensely successful literary agent who 
confined his client list to 12 people and 
would not take on а new client unless 
one of the 12 left him or quit writing or 
died; Eleanor Roosevelt was onc of the 
people he represented. Jane Grant, 
beautiful young girl who was in P 
working for the Y.M.C.A,, and later mar- 
ried Ross, was allowed to watch but 
never to play, and. caused considerable 
grumbling because Ross developed so 
strong, st in her that he occ 
айу neglected his game. Broun 
the sad-eyed, 
who becume awe of Фе woddir ir 
humorists but looked more like an un- 
dertaker, also showed up now and then; 
Broun had convinced the newspaper for 
which he then working, the Tribune, 
to give him a stint as а war correspond- 
dent and Lardner was doing pieces oi 
the war for 
syndicates. 

After the war, Ross and Winteridı 
shared an apartment for а while on West 
lith Street, and the game continued 
there on а regular | The арат 
ment was given up when Ross married 
Miss Grant and Winterich decided he 


dner, 


cs and newspaper 


Martha Smith ‘Christine Maddox 


E 1 d n 
Ellen Michaels. Marilyn Coie Livtindeland ‘Marilyn Longe _ Miki Garcia. Koren Christy 


PLAYBOY 


240 they wi 


couldn't afford the place on his own, but 
the Rosses then took а small apartment 
at the Algonquin and invited the players 
over there every once in a while. That, 
too, didn't work out for long. because the 
games were infrequent and too ma 
players, filled with card hunger, showed 
up whenever there was a game. Toohey 
now a popular member of the group. 
came up with a solution: He suggested a 
regular Saturday game and offered the 
players the hospitality of his own large 
итеп on West 14th Street, He had 

ing his own place: 
ning to object st 
sences for poker sessions 
wanted him where she could watch him 
and make him quit if he started to lose 
100 much. The games ar the ‘Toohey 


donic playwri, 

Marc Connelly 

nd many other well-known people. The 

other players gave Toohey the title of 
and formed the 


Our Beloved Founder 


habit of standing up and bowing gravely 


entered the 


"mes continued on West 
ıd elsewhere until Case 


in his direction whenever h 
room, and the 
Пя Street 
offered the Algonquin suite 
The  Thanatopsis sessions 
revealed some new and un 
eccentricities in some of the players 
Woollcott, who would have sneered at 
display of superstition on the part of any- 
one else, became the victim of a weird 
superstition of his own. He developed a 
strange compulsion about ihe king of 
dubs: He became convinced. for some 
reason he was never able тө explain hi 
self, that the card was a winning portent 
if it showed up сапу in his own hand 
and sure death for him if it turned up in 
somebody else's. As 
dealt the king of clubs 
ond Liceup card, he 
nd continued to raise to the limit; con- 
versely, if the game was stud poker 
one of the first two open cards des 
someone che was the king of clubs, he 
immediately folded. Since he sometimes 
drew the king of clubs when the rest of 
his hand consisted of a five of hearts, an 
it of spades and a three of diamonds, 
nd since he sometimes folded three aces 
when the opponent who hid drawn the 
king of clubs had nothing to go with it, 
he was a fairly constant loser at d 
imes. Kaufman, an otherwise skillful 
player who had learned the game from 
experts as a young newspaperman, had 
one strange weakness, too. The most dil 
fident man in the world when it 
assessing his own abilities as а writ 
often became overconfident to the point 
of madness, по matter what cards lı 
pened to show up in his hand. On those 
occasions, he bet a pair of t 
flush and was gen 


he 


surprised when someone else turned up 
а pair of jacks. 
He put a bright face on it all. "Like 


the Arab: 
topped him 


he said the night the jacks 
fold my tens and silently 
steal away." And he summarized a hand 
in which he'd H lor high cards 
nd gouen instead а two and a three by 
saving, “Гус been trey-deuced.” But it 
was easy to see that he felt betrayed when 
à hand didn't hold up. 

The oddest oddity of them all, howev- 
cr, was Broun’s. Bro normally dic 
vous and trusting of men; he 
E aney то Cues to the point where 
he sometimes found  himsell without 
funds for his own needs, and he had the 
reputation of being one of the world's 
soltest touches lor anybody who asked 
him for a Joan. But at the poker games— 
despite the fact that he was playing with 
the people he knew and liked best in the 
world became almost psychot 
suspic nd distrustful, 
other player lost more than he had in 
cash and offered to pay olf with a check. 
He tried at all costs to avoid taking the 
check, sometimes settling for the other 
player's cash even. when the lable 
Gsh was much less than the amount 
ad the check would certainly have 
heen good. 

One particularly soul-scarring lent 
occurred when Woollcott began to invite 
x to the games, and Harpo 
о, and 
0 to Broun, Chuco started 


‚а 


most ge 


ven 


us 


owed 


h “1 haven't got a thou 
Chico said. 

Broun hesitated and then said, 
ght, II sete tor seven. hundred 
hity.” Chico а 


е 9750, cither. Broun was now ex- 
y nervous. "How much do you 
he asked. Chico pulled out his 


wallet and counted his mou 

“Eighteen dollars,” 

Witnesses to d 
Broun 
SIS in full settlement but finally decided 
that that was too much of a drop even for 
him. He accepted the check and was at 
o's bank at nine o'clock Monda 
g. His worst fears were just 
the bank told him there weren't suf 
cient funds in Chico’s account to cover 


insist. that 


the check. Broun rushed. over 
Chico—"roaring," Harpo sa 
the story, “like a wounded be: 


Chico reassured him. “Put the check 
through again tomorrow,” he said. “But 
not before noon.” The check bounced 
in Broun went shouting 
kes," Chico said. 
twelve o'clock. 

id. "I did! I even 


told you to wait unti 
“I did!” Broun 
waited until five after twelve. 
“That,” Chico said, 
Chico eventually made the check. good. 


but Broun never really recovered. fully 
Irom the effects of the occurrence. There- 
alter, fman, a more trusting type. 
served as the group's banker, acce] 
and cashing all checks. 

Depending on how the n, the 
games were sometimes some- 
times good, but the conversation was 

Iways good. Robert Benchley, anoth- 
er writer of scintillating humor, once 
showed up kite for a game. He was quite 
tic lover, despite his mild ар 
ce; his close friends were not sur 
1 madam of the 
day. Polly Adle ote her autobiog- 
raphy under the tide A House Is Not a 
Home, kept mentioning that one of her 
most active customers was "a writer 
named Bob" and the writer turned out 
to be Benchley. Benchley was then deep- 
ly involved with a young actress named 


Helen Walker. "Where've you been 
Adams asked. 

"Eve been cuing Helen Walker," 
Benchley said. 

"Please!" Adams said. “No baby kar 
the table. 

One of К; 
was also coi 


One man nother ma 


And another classic line м 
when, shortly alter The Green Hat h 
become a great success on Broadway. 
with Katharine Cornell st , Wooll 
cott took its author, M 
game. Arlen, who was 
spite his ultra-Dritish erism 
real name was Dikran Kouyoumdjian), 
proceeded to win nearly every hand lor 
hours. Herman Mankiewicz a screenwr 
т who later shared an Acidemy Award 
with Orson Welles for Citizen Kane, was 
seated next to Arlen and regarded him 
y- “Lers start kittying out for ihe 
ks," he suggested. 

The Thanatopsis group often 
trouble with strangers and 
One such was Pr 
the minister Irom Rom 
from Was! 
iuing he wasn't a very good 
poker player and sometimes wa 
sure whether two pair were better than 
three of a kind. He proceeded to clean 
out the g l was never invited 
: the group didn't mind a winner. 
but it hated a phony, ev 
ictor, Herbert. Rans 


who emb 
expressi 
at receiving good cards and his gloom at 
receiving bad cards were so obvious that 
Adams, Kaufman and the others never 
lost to him because they knew exactly 
when to stay in or drop out. Adams final 
ly suggested a new rule for the club. 
"Anybody who looks at Ranso 
he said, “is cheating. 

Herbert Bayard Swope, the exec 
editor of the World, a man 
imperious that. members 
were in the habit of leap 


ns were so easy to read. His joy 


mily 
to their feet 


EIAS Y im 


ae ee Ee 


valet, and Beatrice had a lady's maid, then 


“T used to have a 


241 


we suddenly thought, what the hell,and swapped.” 


PLAYBOY 


when he entered а room, didn't go very 
often, because the games were 100 tame 
1. He was only a salaried employee 
d a lot of im- 
porta ancial circles and 
was getting some good stock tips, so 
he'd begun to play poker for astronomi- 
cal figures—sometimes for amounts even 
beyond his skyrocketing income. He 
yed in one game with Samuel Gold- 
h Goldwyn won $155,000; 
а game two weeks later, Gold- 
wyn lost $169,000. Swope's gaming be- 
came so heavy that one year he kept a 
neticulous diary of his wins and losses 
and discovered tha пег making 
the gentlemanly gesture of deducting his 
wife's losses of 511.975, he was still ahead 
5186,738. The biggest game in which he 
сусг played was а loui session in 
Palm Beach with Florenz Ziegfeld, then 
raking in money constantly with one suc- 
cessful Follies after another: Joshi 
Cosden, an oil millionaire who 
worth $75.000,000 and owned a 300-4 
estate on. Long Island with its own 18- 
hole golf course; and J. Leonard Replo- 
gle, another millionaire, The game went 
so well for Swope that he told himself 
he'd quit when he was $150,000 ahead, 
but befor е 
than that. When the game was finally 
over, he had won 5470.500. And even 
though $294,300 of this amount was 
owed by Ziegfeld, aud the producer re 
neged and eventually died broke with 
most of the debi remaining unpaid, it was 


he knew it, he was ahead m 


still а fair night's work. 
All this made the Algonquin games kid 
stuff. for Swope, but he still showed up 


now and then, because he liked the com- 
pany and the quick wit. This was true 
even when the wit was used to deflate 
some of his pretensions, such as his effort 
10 appear more and more WASPish even 
though he was Jewish. "Did you know, 
he once remarked at hat I've 
got a little Jewish in me 
The across the table from. him 
was Paul Robeson, am 
“Is that right? 
ou know I've got a touch of the 
tarbrush 
Another time, Swope asked Adams, 
who was an enthusiastic gardener, how 
his flowers were coming along, Adams 
answered tartly, because he suspected 
that Swope was not really interested but 
just the personaliry-course 
wick of talking to the other fellow about 
his interests "Well" Adams said, "my 
peonies are doing fine, beciuse I've been 
keeping my eye on them. And I've dis- 
covered that if you watch your peonies, 
your dahlias take care of themselves.” 
ns often started ar the card 
nd ranged outward around the 
world. Once Woollcott, 
po Marx shared а taxi going home 
from a game, and Broun and Woollcott 
inued in so animated an argument. 


was usii 


Broun and 


about the game that they were still quar- 
reling when the cab reached Harpo's 
apartment and the driver looked inquir 
у for further instructions. 
"Ta ids." Harpo said. "to Wer- 
bas Flatbush." The theater he named 
was а broken-down burlesque house а 
dozen miles away in Brooklyn, and it wa 
a winter night with the roads icy and 
heavy snow fallin but the driver 
shrugged and proceeded on his wa 
Harpo learned afterward that Woollcou 
and Broun didn't notice what was Вар. 
pening until the car had crossed the 
bridge and was entering Brooklyn. He 
also learned that the taxi had broken 
down on the return trip and the two 
ither of them sylphlike, had had 
dge for miles through the arctic 
1 before they could find another 
cab. Harpo was awakened at six o'clock 
the next morning by a phone call; a 
voice, unmistakably Woollcott's, said sav- 
agely, "You son of a bitch!” and hung 
up. But he was forgiven by the time the 
next game rolled around. 

On another occasion, two publishers, 
Bennett Cerf of Random House and 
Harold Guinzburg of The Viking Press, 
showed up for a game. This time the 
shoe was on the other foot for Broun; he 
lost 51500 to Cerf and Guinzburg and 
had neither enough cash nor a check to 
give them, and they were leaving the 
next morning for a tour of Russia. The 
publishers decided to make Broun’s lile 
ble by berating him via telegraph 
his failure to seule a legitimate debt, 
and they sent him a pagelong cable 
every day of their trip. Broun was prop- 
erly chastened but was also certain. look- 
ing at the length of the cables, that the 
publishers had taken leave of their senses, 
The thing he didn't know was that, be- 
cause of the favorable position of the 
dollar at that time in relationship to the 
ruble, the cables were costing Cerf and 
Guinzburg only about 35 cents apiece. 
ere was also the occasion when 
sby Gaige, a leading producer of the 
period, thought he saw an opportunity to 
make Woollcott lose some of his cool. Не 
lost 53500 to Woollcott at one of the 


Thanatopsis games but was able to pay 
him only $2500 that night and promised 
to pay the additional $1000 at “first op- 


portunity.” He made sure the opportu- 
nity occurred when Woollcott, in his 
capacity as critic for the Times, arrived 
аса theater to review Gaige's newest pro- 
duction. Gaige waited ший Woollcott 
was surrounded by people and then ap- 
proached him and, ostentatiously and 
Iecringly, handed him a $1000 bill. The 
ploy didn't work. Woollcott calmly 
tucked the bill into the ribbon of his hat 
and left it there, with the amount show- 
ing, for the rema 


der of the evening. 
ion was the 
ease of Dave 


A more prolonged situ: 
one that might be called th 
Wallace and his mysterious middle 
1. Wallace was a publicity man who 


was very popular with the group because 
he knew every young actress in town and 
ady to arr ntroduc 
any Thanatopsis member who 
expressed a desire to meet a particular ac- 
tress or just any actress. But the players 
found themselves piqued with curiosity 
when it developed, during а desultory 
crdgame conversation, that Wallace 
had à middle initial but, for some reason. 
was apparently as ashamed of it as Kauf- 
adopted S. (Kauf 
man had started out in life as just plain 
mge Kaufman but later added S. to 
ame because he decided t it 
у ance to his by-line, 
The S, he told people who inquired 
about it, stood for absolutely nothing. 
And if people persisted апа asked, 
“Then why is it there?" he had a pr 
pared specch ready for them. "Listen," 
he said. reeling off a roll call of promi. 
nent theatrical figures, “if Al Н. Woods, 
Charles B. Dilling Henry B. Ha 
George C. Tyler, William A. Brady. Sam 
H. Harris, Jake J. Shubert, A. L. Erlang- 
er, Н. Н. Frazee and George М ohai 
can't get along without a middle initial, 
why should I uy?) Wallace, however, 
felt the opposite way about his middle 
init nd. after some investigation, it 
was learned that Wallace's middle initial 
was H.. leading to rumors that he was 
embarrassed about it because it stood for 
either Horatio or Hepzibah. This was 
never proved, Nevertheless. the players 
were spurred on by Wallace's insistent 
гесу to publicize the neglected initial 
nd this became easy after. Ross founded 
The New Yorker. The ine didn't 
come up with the idea of using funny 
typographical errors from other maga- 
zines and newspapers and books as fille; 
until later, so every column that ended 
short was filled with a pointless quote 
to Wallace's full name. “As 
David Н. Wallace says," ran one filler, 
1 coffee are good to drink, but 
tennis is livelier.” “David Н. Wallace, 
the monologist, convulsed his set with a 
good one the other evening,” ran anoth- 
er filler. 7 Tt seems there were two Irish- 
men,’ Mr. Wallace began, but could not 
go on for laughing." Unlike Wallace, the 
fillers went on making 
middle initial one of the most famous in 
New York. They stopped appearing only 
after Wal ed at a game that he 
was growing fond of the H. 

аз mostly good-natured, even when 
things were outrageous, such as when 
Adams, whose first marr had failed, 
married again and was given a beautiful 
poker set, complete with ivory chips, as a 
wedding present—but only on condition 
he and his bride go to the Algon- 
direaly alter the ceremony and 
1 their fist night at the poker 
Adams and his new wife, Fsther, met the 
condition and showed up but were so 
amiable about it that they were released 


his 
added rhythm and 1 


credited 


and on. his 


те. 


at about two 
things. Somet 
up. ay whe 


Marc Ge 


мм. to go on to better 
mes there was а brief flare 
mental player like 
ame so incensed at the 
cards he мау getting thar he seized the 
deck and tore it to pieces. But more seri- 
ous disputes were so rare that the ошу 


one on record is а fistfight between 
yun and a stockbroker named joe 
Brooks. 


Broun and Brooks happened to take 
to cach other at one of the 


seats next 


because 
revealed 
that they disagreed on every imaginable 
subject. By the time both men had left 
the game. they had argued bitterly about 
everything from politics to the theater to 
women, but it might have ended there it 
Broun had been able to fall asleep when 
he got home. He was so agitated that he 
tossed and turned for hours, and he fi 
nally told his wile 
dressed and going over to punch Brooks 
in the nose. His wile tried to talk him out 
ol it: she made some disparaging remarks 
bout the protuberance above his belt 


which was unfortunate, 


ames, 


te utes. of conversation. 


that he was getting 


pointed ош that Brooks had no such pro 
Tuberance and added that Brooks had 
been an all-American football. player 


oun would nor allow himself to be dis- 
suaded. He dressed quickly, took a tà 


Irom his house оп West 85th Street 
to Brooks's rement on East Tenth 
Street. leaned on the doorbell until 


him. 
him 


Brooks opened the door, and hit 

“The stockbroker immediately hi 
back. The fight lasted only a few minutes 
and Broun got the worst of it. Brooks 
received only superficial bruises, but 
Broun got two black eyes and he was 
rolled around on the floor so much that 
his clothes were literally torn to bits. He 
had 10 go home in a suit borrowed from 
Brooks. The night, however. ended ui 
umphantly for him after all. Hc found 
Brooks's address book the 
pockets of the suit. meticulously kept 
and containing the names 
numbers of every one of Brooks's 
friends, and he spent the rest of the night 
pulling out page alter page and ripping 
їз one into shreds 

Women were ri 
from the Thanatopsis р 
ial occasions like the command ар 
ance of Esther Adams on her wed 
ng night. Adams, who felt strongly on 
the subject artide about it 
calling it, unequivocally, Women Can't 
Play Poker. Women, he pointed out, lost 
all sense of mathematical reality when it 
came to poker: if a woman was winning 
522 and her husband was losing 3218, she 
invariably insisted that they call it a 
night, because she was so blinded by her 
догу that all she saw was that 
they were ahead $22, not down $196. He 
ако expressed the view that 
could never remember the values of the 


one of 


«Му banned ar fist 


s. except. for 


wrote an 


small vi 


women 


B 


ious colors of chips. that wome 
tished with conventio 
ried the 


were 
forms 
nd 


never 


of poker and va 


ne more 
more. until male players became unsure 
as to whether an ace was a good card or 
bad card, and took wild risks. Woollcott. 
he said, had even coined а name for Ev 
ther Adams! particular folly, which was 
her habit of holding two cards of the 
same suit in the hope of drawing three 
more: he called a hand with two c 
the same suit ап Esther flush. And most 
heinous of all. Adams concluded, was the 


«ls ol 


fact that women always told the truth. If 
S72. they actually told 
2. Men 


they won or lost 
people they h 
every man knew, were а much more civi 
I you asked а man about 

me's outcome. you could always cou 


d won or lost S. 


lized sex. 


on being told that he'd ended up even 
and you'd never have to worry abe 
feeling either envy or pity 


Kaufman. also wrote something. along 
similar lines: He wrote a devastati 

oneact play called H Men Played Cards 
as Women Do, which was played at the 


Booth ‘Theater on Sunday. February 11 
1925, for the benefit of the Girls’ Service 
Club. The oncacter was also revived 
yeas ater in the Paramount film 


Star-Spangled Rhythm, where it was per- 
formed by Ray Milland. Fred MacMur 
y. Franchot ‘Tone and Lynne Overman 
and was easily the funniest thing in the 


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243 


PLAYBOY 


244 


film. But nothing could halt progress. 
After a while, a few women were allowed 


to attend the games as spectators, and 
eventually Beatrice Kaufman, Esther 
Adams, Neya McMein, Jane Grant 


Margaret Swope and others were permit- 
ted to participate as players. 

"Ehe Thanatopsis games continued for 
about a decade, most of this time in 
the second-floor suite at the Algonquin. 
There were occasional temporary depar- 
tures. Case provided the suite free but as 
sumed that, if the players paused to eat, 
they would order th food from the 
hotel. He was mildly irritated to see that, 
instead, the group either sent one of the 
players around the corner to pick up 
sandwiches and beverages at a Sixth Ave- 
nuc delicatessen—or, if Swope happened 
to be in the game, phoned the Colony 
and asked them to send over some of 
their expensive delicacies. Case's irri 
tion grew stronger when, one hot sum- 
mer evening, the poker players brought 
in a freczerful of strawberry and pistachio 
ice cream from an outside caterer and 
some of the ice cream melted and made 
stains all over the carpet. The next time 
the group met, it saw that Gase had 
tacked an ironic sign on а wall of the 
suite: 


BASKET PARTIFS WELCOME, 


The players were amused at first, re- 
garding the sign as a convenient 
jot down phone numbers or do little 
sums to figure out their winnings or loss- 
es. And then, as they thought about it, 


they became offended, They moved over 
to the Colony, where the restaurants 
owner, Gene Cavallero, provided them 
with a private room. The Colony was tre 
mendously expensive, so much so that 
Harpo Marx finally asked, plaintively, 
"Isn't there anything here you can get for 
fifty cent: 

"Sure," Kaufman said. "A quarter." 

So after two months, they were back in 
the more familiar and more suitable sur- 
roundings of the Algonquin suite. And 


though they returned to the Colony for 


an occasional game, played in various 
members’ houses now and then and at 
least once played by invitation at Alice 
Brady's house—during which the young 
actress served pheasant and champagne 
and then joined the game and lost steadi- 
ly. causing some worry about her finan- 
cial well-being until Wallace mentioned 
that she'd just signed a movie contract 
paying her $4000 a week—the action 
remained mostly at the Algonqu 

‘The poker games finally slowed to a 
halt for three reasons. The first was that 
аз the players became more and more 
successful, they became more mobile and 
far-flung. Woollcott began to tour the 
country giving lectures and began to 
move around the world on various social 
pursuits. The Marx Brothers went out to 
the Coast to make some pictures and 
eventually settled there. Kaufman, Con- 
nelly and Sherwood began to spend more 
and more time on outoftown tryouts of 


“Yes, Billy, masturbation is normal. 
But not during dinner.” 


plays. And suddenly there were some 
aturday evenings when not enough 
people showed up to make a game. 

The second reason was the acerbic w 
style of many of the participants, which 
discouraged some slower thinkers from 
showing up at new games after they'd 
been chewed to bits at earlier ones. 
man, in particular, did not suffer fools 
gladly and made no secret of his discon- 
tent when another player behaved fool- 
ishly. Once he watched in horror as 
Mankiewicz played one of the dumbest 
games he'd ever seen in his life, and fi 
nally exploded. "I know you learned the 
game this afternoon," he said. “But what 
time this afternoon? 

Kaufman was equally caustic with an- 
other poor player. The man could tell 
from Kaufman's glower that he was 
not pleased. Defensively, he said, “OK, 
George, how would you have played that 
hand?" 

"Under an assumed ne,” Kaufman 

said. This may have been the same player 
who had a habit of burying his cards 
the end of most hands as though he were 
ashamed of them—as һе very probably 
was, since he nearly alwajs lost. He got 
up one day, excusing himself to go to the 
men's room. Kaufman gave him a sour 
look and said, “This will be the first time 
today that Г know whats in your 
hand.” 
The third reason was economic: The 
games began to grow too expensive. The 
Stakes never achieved the dimensions of 
those ju Swope's games, but they kept 
mounting until they became too rich for 
many of the players, even those whose 
come was rising at the same time. Rass, 
struggling to make The New Yorker a 
success and not drawing too large a sala- 
ry, lost nearly 530,000 one night and had 
to arrange 10 pay it in installments over 
a long period of time. Harpo Marx came 
into town and won $30,000; he later de- 
nied this, saying he never won over $1000 
or $2000 in a Thanatopsis game, but 
other people insisted they had been pres- 
ent at the game and the big score really 
happened. A young author, John V. A. 
Weaver, who wrote a moderate best sell- 
er, In American, lost all 
single game. 

The Thanatopsis players tried a litle 
self-deception. To keep the game looking 
the same, they allowed the chips to re- 
main valued as before but paid half as 
much for them and received half as much 
when they cashed in. But this didn't 
work, cither; Ross won $450 at the end of 
one g nd spent the rest of the night 
complaining bitterly that he'd have 
picked up it had been the week 
before. And after a while, though the 
men and women continued to see one 
another at lunches and other place 
they stopped gathering together around 


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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


(continued from page 90) 


spectacle of a President going on na 
al TV to admit a felony? Nixon du 
own grave, then made a public confe 
sion. ТЕ his resignation somehow proves 
the system works, you have to wonder 
how well that same system might have 
worked if we'd had a really blue-chip, 
sophisticated criminal in the White 
instead of а halfmad used- 
1. In the space of ten months, tl 
two top executives of this country resigned 
her than risk impeachment and wial; 
d they wouldn't even have to do 
if thei ies hadn't been too gross 
to ignore and if public opinion hadn't 
turned so massively against them. Final- 
ly, even the chickenshit politicians in 
Congress will act if the people are out- 
raged enough. Bur you can bet that if 
the publicopinion polls hadn't gone 
over 50 percent in favor of his impcach- 
ment, he'd still be in the White House. 
PLAYBOY: Is politics going to get 
better? 
THOMPSON: "Well, it c't get much 
worse. Nixon was зо bad, so obviously 
guilty and corrupt, that wı lready be- 
ginning to write him off 
mutant, some kind of l 
ble accident. "The danger 
that it’s like saying, k God! We've 
cut the cancer ош... you se “I's 
lying there . . . just sew up the wound . . . 
cauterize п... . No, no, don't bother to 
look for just throw the 
tumor awa and then a few 
months later the poor bastard dies, his 
whole body rotten with cancer. I don't 
think purging ving to do 
much to the system except make people 
moi 
that 


y 


Hell, Ford is ou nt. Hes never 
been elected to anything but Congress. .. . 


But Rid 1 elected to 
every national office a shrewd mutant 
could aspire to: Congressm or, 


Vice-President, President. He should 
been impeached, convicted and ў 
only as а voter-education. project. 
PLAYBOY. Do you think that over the 
course of the Watergate investigation, 
Congress spent as much energy covering 
up its own sins as it did in exposing 
on's? 

Well, that’s a preuy di 
statement; but I'm sure there've bec 
lot of tapes and papers burned and a lot 
ight phone calls. saying thin 
like, “Hello, John, remember that letter 
I wrote you on August fifth? I. just ran 
into а copy in my files here and, well, 
I'm buming mine, why don't you burn 
yours, too, and we'll just forget all about 
that mauer? Meanwhile, 
you a case of Chivas К 


job for your son here im my office this 


“АП understanding 
must come when you аге 
totally aware to the limits of thy 
mental and physical potentialities. 
Once liberated from the body through 
the ECK you will see it as a husk 
clothed in rags, and find thyself Soul 
inseparable from the eternal spirit.” 


from Stranger by the River 
by Paul Twitchell 


ww 

RA 
ECKANKAR, 

The Path of Total Awareness 


Department P 
Box 5325, Las Vegas. Nevada 89102 
[3 All Back 


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245 


PLAYBOY 


summer—just as soon as he brin 
the ashes of that fuck 
PLAYBOY: Does Се 
the successful politician? 
THOMPSON: Thats pretty obvious, 
it? Somehow he got to be President of 
the U. S. without ever running for the of- 


. Thi: 
drome we're into: For six у 
ruled by lunatics and criminals, and for 
the next two years we're going to have to 
live with their appointees. Nixon was 
run out of town, but not before he 
named his own successor. 

PLAYBOY: It's begi ng to look as if Ford. 
might be our most popular President 
since Eisenhower. Do you think he'll be 
tough to beat in 19762 

THOMPSON: "hat will probably depend 
on his stall. И it's good, he should be 
able to maintain this Mr. Clean, Mr. 
Mr. Reason e for iwo 
“IL be very 


isa 


Will you cover the 1976 
THOMPSON: Well. I'm not looking for- 
ward to it, but P suspect I will. Right 


now, though, 1 всей а long rest fron 
politics least until the "76 сатра 
starts. Christ, now there’s a junkie 
ing—"I guess ГШ try one more hit 
will be the last. mind you. ГЇЇ just 
finish off what's here and that's 


it, DP terned 
junkie. "That's ge Ч one to 
come down from. You know, I was acu- 
ally in the Watergate the night the bas 
Of course, 1 missed the 


ergate 


whole but 1 was there. It still 
haunts пм 

PLAYBOY: What part of the War 
were you in? 

THOMPSON: І was in the bar. 

PLAYBOY: What kind of a reporter 


you, anyway, in the I 
THOMPSON: I'm not a reporter. Pm a writ 
er. Nobody gives Norman Mailer this 
Kind of shit. I've never tried to pose as a 
goddamn reporter. 1 don't defend what 
in the context of straight. journal- 
m. and if some people regard me as a 
porter who's gone bad rather than a 
writer who's just doing his job—well, 
they've probably the same ding! 
think John Chancellor's an 
and Cronkite is a white slaver, 
PLAYBOY: You traveled to San Clemente 
with the White House press corps on the 
last trip. Nixon. made as President, and 
rumor had it that you showed up for one 
of the press conferences in prety rocky 
shape. 

THOMPSON: Rocky? Well T 
that’s the best interpretation. you could 
put on it, Td been up all night and I 
wearing а wet Mexican shirt, swim- 
ks, these basketball shoes, d 
l а bottle of beer in 


s who 
id freak 


suppose 


my 


hand, my head was p: 
by something somebody had put in my 
wine the night before up in LA. and 
when Rabbi Кой began his demented 
rap about. Nixon's being the most perse 
cuted and maligned President in Ameri- 
cim history, 1 heard myself shouting, 
Why is that, Rabbi? . . . Tell 
why. nd he said something like, 
‘m only а smallii 
That's all right. nobody's bigoted here. 
It got pretty ugly —but 
sort of common de- 
st days of the Nixon 
regime. It was like a sinking ship w 
no ratlines, 
PLAYBOY: How dil the press corps take 
your behavior? 
THOMPSON: Noi too well. Bur it doesn't 
matter now. I won't be making any trips 
with the President for a while. 
PLAYBOY: What wil! you do? Do you һ 
iny projects on die fire other than 
political stul? 
THOMPSON: Well. I think T m: 
more time to my ministry, for one thi, 
NII the hellish running around after pol- 
iticians has taken great amounts of time 
from my responsibilities as a clergyman. 
PLAYBOY: You're not а real minister, arc 
you? 
THOMPSON: What? ОГ course I a 


an ordained doctor of divinity 


nfully constricted 


ve 
the 


devote 


the 


Church of the New Truth. I have a 
scroll with а big gold seal on it hanging 


on my wall at home. In recent months 
we've had more converts (һап we can 
handle. Ron on the. 
brink of conversion that last 


week in San Clemente, but the law of 
ght up with him before he 
e the vows. 

How much did it сом you to 
get ordained? 

THOMPSON. | piel тө talk about 
that. T studied for years and put a lot of 
money into it. 1 have the power to тапу 
people and bury them. Гуе stopped 
doing marriages, though, because none 
them worked ош. Burials were 

s ош ol question; Гус n 
believed in burials except as an adjunct 
10 the Black Mass. which I still perform: 
occasionally. 

PLAYBOY: But you hough! your 


пог 


of 


ма the 


scroll. 


l did. But so did 
n 10 school. 


THOMPSON: Of course 
everybody else who ever w 
As long as you understand that. .. - 
PLAYBOY: Whars coming up as 
your writing goes? 

THOMPSON: Му only project now is а 
novel called Guts Ball, which is almost 
finished on tape but not written yet. 1 
n bed one night, the room wa 
head full of 


а sudden it 


fav as 


ly black, I had 
nd 


e exotic weed. Il of 
was almost as if ght silver screen 
| been dropped in (гот of me and 
s strange movie began to run. ] had 
this vision оГ Haldeman and Ehrlich- 


man and a few other Watergaicaelated: 


casualties 
disgrace. They're on a DC-10, in the first 
class cabin; there's also i 
man on board wi 


se hoss 
gunned down by junkies 
Tor no good reason and he's g 
in the baggage bowels of the plane, t 


ing it home 10 be buried. He's in a v 
cious frame ol mind, weeping and 
curing junkies, and these others have 


their political disaster grinding on them. 
they're all half crazy for vengeance—and 
хо to unwind, they start to throw a foot- 
Ш around the cabin. For a while, the 
her passengers go along with it, but 
then the game gets serious. These 
crewcut, Minty-eyed begin to 
force the passen g scams 
as blockers; people are getting smacked 
around for dropping passes, jerked out 
of the line-up and forced to do push-ups 
if they fumble, The passengers are in a 
state of terror, weeping, their clothes 
And these thugs still have 
e House identi 
1 they put two men under 


ul tranquilizer with 

huge hypodermic needle. The steward 
esses are gobbling wangui 
have to 


hter. 1 got a little 
tape recorder and laid it on my chest 
nd kept describing the scene as I saw 
Just the opening scenes took about 15 
utes. I don't know how it’s going to 
d. but I like it that way. If] knew how 
it ended, I'd lose interest in the story. 
PLAYBOY: When you actually sit down to 
start writing, сап you use drugs like 
mushrooms or other psychedelics? 
THOMPSON: No. Its imposible to write 


with anything like that in my head. 
Wild Turkey and tobacco are the only 

gs T use regularly when I write. But 1 
tend to work at night, so when the 


els slow down, І occasionally indulge 


little specd—which I deplore and 
do not advocate—but. you know, when 
the car runs out of gas, you have to use 
something. The only ¢ ly count. 
n is adr dren- 
ine junki 


ally 
Tm addicted to the rush 
of the stuf in my own blood and of all 
the drugs I've ever used. I think it’s the 


most powerful [Coughing] Mother of 
God. here I go. [More cou ] Creep: 
. choked to death 
by a fucking - .. poisoned Marlboro. 
PLAYBOY: Do you ever wonder how you 
have survived this long? 

THOMPSON: Yes. Nobody expected me to 
get much past 20. Least of all me. 
assume, “Well, I got through toi 
tomorrow might be 
very weird and twisted world: you can't 
ord to get ound 
You want to keep your in order at 


all] times. 
B 


“Hey, big boy, wouldn't you like to тоге 
lousy AACE fe or your ten се ents?” 


PLAYBOY 


248 


> 


CRAZY GINZBURG 


Ralph Ginzburg, that brandied fruitcake of 
a publisher, is at it again 

First he devilishly exposed. the intimate 
parts of Fanny Hill and Lady Chatte 
blushing America while those erotic classics 
were still banned 

Then he bought himself a $2-million libel 
suit by daring to question Barry Goldwater's 
psychological fitness to finger the nuc i 
ger when Goldwater wasrunning for President 

Next, with his muckraking magazine Fact. 
he risked the wrath of the mighty by attacking 
Detroit (for building cars that were not crash- 
worthy; this was before Ralph Nader), dn 
manufacturers (for selling cyclamates which 
had been proven to cause chromosome dam- 
age), and the tobacco industry (for attempti 
to hide the link between cigarettes and cancer, 
this was before the Surecon-General'sreport). 

Still on the rampage. he brashly waved a red 
Nag in the faces of prudes and bigots by run- 
hing a photographic study of а nude interracial 
couple in his elegant quarterly Eros (this bit of 
lunacy won him numerous graphic-art awards 

and cight months in prison). 

In no way “rehabilitated.” he turned to the 
field of consumerism and set it on its ear with 
his hugely successful, greed-zratifying news- 
letter Monevsworth, in which he published 
such bawdy, and useful, articles as "A Con- 
somer's Guide to Prostitution.” 

Now at the peak of his madness, Ginzburee 
is about to come out with the wildest, most 
enticing, exasperating. you-can't-lHive-without-it 
periodical of his career: Avant-Garde Biweekly. 

This dynamite tabloid newspaper will com- 
pletely demolish all preconceptions of what a 
tabloid newspaper should be. it will be as 
irrepressible, ingenious, sensual—and thorough- 
ly mad -as Ginzburg himself 

Drawing upon the talents of the most bril- 
liant artists, writers, photographers and jour- 
nalists of our day (see list below), he will pro- 
duce a paper of incredible power that prints 
high-compression news, pants-down profiles, 
mind-searing photographs, no-bull editorials. 
turn-'em-overin-their-zraves | obituari У 
tem-beating consumer tips, last-laugh politica 
cartoons, kissof-death reviews of cinema, 
books and theatre, hash-pipe fiction and 


poetry, and tear-it-out-and-frame-it illustra- 
tions. AvantGarde is going to be one of 
those things you've got to sce just to be able to 
say you've seen it. 

Just look at this 
articles and featus 


of the kinds of far-out 
es Avant-Garde will print: 


Gerald Ford's Devotion to the Teachings of 
Мао Tse-Tung—Based on actual quotes, 

The U.S.'s Plan to Grow Opium 

Is Cancer Contagious?—Startling new facts. 
Coming: Psychiatric Screening for Presidents 
Bella Abzug's Crazy New $2 Bill 

Inflation-Proof Bonds: Another Bright Idea 
from George McGovern 

Psychie Castration: Vasectomy ’s Aftermath 

A Day for a Lay—First publication of the late 
W.H. Auden'slong-suppressed erotic masterpiece. 
Kennedy vs. Nader: A Preview of the "76 
Democratic Convention 

Carly Simon, James Taylor, and Baby Sarah: A 
Family Album 

The Book that Terrifies the CIA 

“The Way We Were": Drawings by 
Lennon—Óf himself and Yoko Ono. 

The Personal Political Convictions of Chan- 
сеПог, Reasoner, and Cronkite 

California's Coed Monastery 

Uncle Sam at 200—42 notables (including Otto 
Preminger, Dr. Albert Sabin, Cleveland Amory, 
Раш Krassner, and Marshall MeLuhan) offer 
suggestions for celebrating America's forth- 
coming bicentennial 

Pot Bust—The discovery by Bosto: 
M.S. mos and John Harmon 
use of marijuana may cause gynecomastia 
-development of female breasts in men. 
Nixon’ FreudianSlips—A nhilarious collection. 
The Zeppelin Will Rise A 


John 


surgeons 
hat ће 


Golda Meir's Recipe for Gefilte Fish 
‘The 108-Year-Old Pilot 


Pre-Mortem—28 celebrities (including Federico 
Fellini, Art Buchwald, Woody Allen, and Gore 
Vidal) write their own obituaries. 


Howard Hughes’ Plan to Mine the Ocean Floor 


They May Have to Eat Their Words—The 
Army's Natick Laboratory claims it is on the 
verge of developing edible newspaper. 


Caroline Kennedy's Sensitive Photography 


Hunter S. Thompson: The Counter-Culture's 
Gonzo Journalist 

‘The Shah of Iran's Reliance upon Dream Inter- 
pretation in Governing His Nation 

After the Wankel, the Stitling—A report on the 
engine of the "8057 

Down by the Riverside—A report on folk singer 
Pete Seeger's successful one-man crusade to 
clean up the Hudson. 


This Crumb is No Milktoast—A portrait of the 
hip world's courageous, outrageous, inimitable 
cartoonist Robert Crumb. 


Arthur Miller's Next 


Sit-Down Strike—Protest plans of the Commit- 
tee to End Pay Toilets in America, 


Бишин 

Asyou can see, reading Avant-Garde will be 
e being plugged in to a fantastic inter- 
alactic brain that sluts the information- and 
pleasure-centers of your mind. 

Avant-Garde boasts the most formidable 
list of contributors ever gathered by a peri- 
odical Among them are: Andy Warhol, 
Peter Max, Norman Mailer, Dick Gregory, 
Charles Schulz. Allen Ginsberg, Sloan Wilson, 
Roald Dahl. Dan Greenbur, 


neth Tynan, Cleveland Amory, Richard 
Avedon, Herb Gold. William Burroughs, James 
Baldwin, Alexander Calder. Issac Bashevis 
Singer, William Bradford Ние. Cornell Capa, 
Salvador Dali, and Muhammad Ali. 

In format. Avant-Garde is а nonpareil. Its 
dramatic layout, innovative typo 
lush color will ke your breath away 
the inspired art direction of Herb Lubalin, the 
world’s foremost designer of publications. 
Avant-Garde will raise the tabloid newspaper to 
а new art form. 

Avant-Garde is available by subscription 
only. The cost of six months is ONLY $5! This 
is a MERE FRACTION of wha 
adays for such a dynamite регіо, 


е You'llalways be able to buy Avant-Garde 


at lowest available rates: 

е You'll be entitled to buy 
tions at the same low rate: and, 

е Your subscription will start with Volume 
1. Number I. This is not to he taken lightly 
since first issues of Crazy Ginzburg sother pub- 
ications now sell for as much as S200 EACH" 

To enter your Charter Subscription, simply 
fill ош the coupon below and mail it with $5 
to: Avant-Garde. 251 W. S7th St.. New York 

Mail your check today. Avant-Garde is 
going to cause the greatest cultural cataclysm 
since the advent of the Beatles. 


рее 
l 


АЛАЧ 251 WEST 57 ST. 
GARDE NEW YORK 10019 


1 enclose $5 for а six 
bscription to Avant-Garde. 1 under- 
stand that ат paying A MERE FRAC- 
TION ot the going rate for such a dyna- 
mite periodical and that my subscription 
will begin with Volume |. Number 1 


SPECIAL CUT-RATE BONUS ОЕ 
Check this box D, enclose $9 and 
get TWELVE months of Avant-Garde 
PLUS а copy of the historic Ralph Ginz- 
burg collector's йет portfolio 
"Picasso з Erotic Engravings"! 


ft subscrip- 


Name 


| 


State 


city — 


D AVANT GARDE MCMLXXIV. EA | 
ышы пш; гчз кєп тш шп um шш шш гш таш шз UR 


THE CHARM „юз 


the second floor. Climb the s 
go into the master bedroom 

the one with the yellow-and 
striped wallpaper. You'll sce a closet 
Open it Several suits are hı 

Look lor one made of 

hop sacking, with a lining 


jacket has two inside pockets. Left one 
small notebook bound 


Comins a 


black imitation leather. Do пог open it 
nd read it 


wn sake L tell you 
the fireplace 
n the master bedroom. Then 
go back to the closet and look for what's 
called a jump suit, not on a hanger. just 
on a nail in the back, behind the suits, а 
blue геп jump suit with а broken 
zipper. In one of the pockets, 1 dont 
iber which, you'll find а key 

h three keys on it. 7 

downst ‚ао dh In the 
library you'll see a gray metal file c 
net. Оне of the three keys on that ring 
unlocks it, Try them all until you find 
the right опе. Open the bottom drawer 
of the fle cabinet, Disregard the folders 
you'll sce there. Not important. Pull uie 
E 


For you 
Burn it in 


irs library 


w 


out as far as you can and you'll 
see an envelope taped to the drawer 
just behind the list folder. Remove it 
Open it. There's another key inside. Put 
it in your pocket. Don't bother to lock 
the file cabinet again. The key opens à 
locker im that big bus terminal about 
hall a mile Irom here—you know the one. 
ke a cab, we don't 


Go to the terminal 
have much time—and open the locker 
ad take out what you find there. A 
package wrapped in brown paper. Looks 
like а book. lı is, in fact. Don't open the 
package there. Go to the meus room 
nd Jock yoursell in one of the bootlis— 
make sure you have some 
Tear oll the wrapping and open the 
hook. You'll discover that irs. hollow: 
the pages have been cut away to form a 
small compartment containing a tobacco 
tin. Open the tin aud you'll find smother 
key. Pur it in your pocket. Flush 
the toilet once or twice to allay suspi- 
m. Ттим no one. When you leave the 
wrapping and the book 
n imo the ce 


I change. 


booth. dump th 


1 the tobacco 
provided for soiled paper towels. Now 
you must buy a round-trip ticket to 
Midburg. A short trip, forty-five miles. 
Possibly fifty. During the bus ride, don't 
talk ло апу of the other passengers. Best 
thing is to pretend to be asleep. but only 
pretend, because you are the guardian of 
the key and it not 
hands but yours. Be à 
WI the Midburg |, 
minal. go direaly to the lockers 


must 


та you arrive a 


nd 
try the key vou found in the book until 


you find the right lock. In this second 


locker. youll find another package 
just like the first, brown paper, yes, 
another book. Take it to the men's 


room. Same routine, booth, flush the 
toi ilet, et cer Inside (Ais book you'll 
1 а rather large, rusty, old-fashioned 
ornamental key. Put it in your pocket 
Dispose of the book 2 


fore. Take the next bus back here. Re- 
turn to the house with the snapdragons. 
Go down to the wine cellar. The door is 


locked. but the big rusty key opens it. 
Enter the cellar and go directly to the 
wine boules. Ignore all but the white 
wines, ch. white wi 
bottle until you find on 
empty. Pull out the cor ke out the 
little key you find there. It opens а large 
metal strongbox you'll find in the lop 
drawer of the file cabinet in the study— 
thats why 1 told you to leave the files 
open. Lock the wine cellar again when 
you leave it and break the key. It's very 
old and rusty and you should have no 
difkenlty. Throw the broken picces in 
one of the file drawers and lock the cabi 
het again after taking out the strongbox. 
Open the strongbox with the Hule key 
from the wine boule. Inside the strong- 
box you'll find а smaller strongbos with 
combination lock. The combina 
ply the six digits of my h 
multiplied by seven. 1 wa 
on Christmas in the year of the Great 
Fire. Any almanac will give you that. 
When vou open this second strongbos, 
you'll sce an ordinary wooden cigar Бох. 
Inside it is a photograph of me as youth 
in uniform, and a photograph of a 
young lady in a flowered hat, and a 
and a packet of old 
letters tied with a lavender ribbon. and 
prayer book, and a rosary, and а comb, 
1 think, and possibly а pill bottle con- 
taining an obsolete prescription. surely 
gone stale and useless by now, and a 
small pistol thats lost йиз firing pi 
Some of these objects belonged to my 
mother. All of them ave without any 
value whatsoever—except. for опе. And 
that one is beyond price. It has been 
with me for more years than I can tell 
you. In clumsy hands. it invariably cius- 
© blindness, or insanity, 
ng death, Sometimes all four, 
But used correctly, 
s owner 


day 


born. 


npotence, or 


or agon 
ı that order. 
stows upon multitude of bless- 
ings. A sweet breath. Perfect. pitch 
Unfailing virility. The power to bend 


be- 


dime with two fingers, X-ray vision. In- 
visibility at will. The gift of healing by 
the Ja n of hands. Raising the 
dead. Luck at all games of chance. Abil- 
ity to complete the Times crossword 
puzzle in under ten minutes. Power te 


make any woman in the world do what 
ever you wish. Seeing dink A 
ling smile. Pleasing personality. Pho- 
tographic memory. Beautiful handwrit- 
The gift of gab. The faculty of 

How to lose ten. pounds. in two 
weeks without dicting. How to make 


п ihe 


friends. How to get into heaven. Power 
to kill with a glance. Answers to puzzling 
questions: riddle of the Sphinx, what 


song the Sirens sar many 


how 


angels 


can dance on the head of a pin, what 
happens when an irresistible force meets 
п immovable object, if a wee falls on a 


desert island. docs it make any sound. is 
there life after death, what was Judy 
Garland’s real name? Long-sought secret 
of perpetual motion. Short cuts to be 
black belt in karate, grand 
master at chess, expert folder of paper 
rplines, best-selling author. How to get 
п audience with the Pope. Repair your 
own television set. Turn base metals into 
gold. Conquer insomnia. Attain peace of 
mind. What happened to the lost tribes 
of Israel. Where to find the score of 
Peri's Dajne, lost lor centuries, said to be 
the first oper aper copper in 
the forgotten manner. of ihe 
Egyptians, Secret of eternal youth. Secret 
of immortality, Secret love rites of the 
Hollywood stars. How to get on the cov- 
er of Tine. How 10 make а great cup 
ol collec. How to be two inches taller. 
How 10 read minds. How to foretell the 
future. How (o How to roller- 
skate. How to be happy. Bring the cig 
box back here to me, with all its contents 
tact. E will then look at those items onc 
by one until I find the one that bestows 
these gifts and powers, and I will be- 
queath it to you. Why not Irs of no use 
10 mc anymore. Em dying. 1 know what 
you're thinking: Why am I dying il I 
possess the secret of immortality? Ab, 
why. indeed: Because J committed the sin 
of sins, lor which no one can be lorgiven. 
The sin without a nam called, but it 
has а name, a name по one dare utter, 
по one darc think, And so my magic 
charm Пау lost its power to help me, Lam 
unworthy. Lean doser, I'm sinking Гам. 
Forget about all those 
keys and bus trips. Get а blowtorch, 
something to slice steel, go dirccily to the 
file cabinet and burn. your way into the 
top drawer and into both strongboxes 
and directly to the cigar box and bring it 
quickly to me now. The reason you must 
bring it to me, the reason I can't simply 
tell you which ol the objects in the cigar 
box is the magic charm, is that 1 don't 
remember. My memory is dying with my 
body. But il 1 sve them, touch them, then 
my memory will come alive and I can give 
10 you and instruct you in its proper use 
nd you will live a lile of merit 
u will lead the world out of 
chaos and imo a golden age. You will 
r ve from the dust and make her 
mother to a race of gods. You will, your 
self, be a god. You will be God. Duel mu 
have those talismans in m: be: 
cuse 1 don't remember whether it’s the 
pistol, or the pill boule, or the rosary, or 
the letters, or the lavender ribbo 
the Heuers, or the 
Ba 


coming а 


ancient 


swim 


ı you hear me 


great 


ad bliss. Y 


ise 


249 


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“Sand Skiing in the Sahara. Even if you don’t win the 
downhill race...it's a beautiful way to get a suntan? 


“If skiing’s your thing, 
you don't have to wait for 
snow. In the Moroccan 
Sahara, you'll have just as 
great a time racing down 
the breathtaking dunes in 
swim trunks or bikinis. 


“But there are hazards... 
those sand traps you don't 
see until you're right on top 
of them. Kerplunk! 

Linda апа! plopped right 
into one. That's when she 
asked me to take her 

to the next casis. 


"Later, we toasted our 
adventure with Canadian 
Club at the Hotel du Sud 
{ inOuarzazate." Wherever you go, 
people with taste agree the best is C.C. 
For them, it’s the only Canadian. 
Incomparably smooth, mellow and 
light. I'sina class by itself. 
“The Best In The House” in 87 lands. 


Imported in bottle from Canada. 


[ч 


Al MAU 


| FAMOUS CIGARETTES 


The longer 
filter that’s long 
on taste 


FILTER TIPPED 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


21 mg. "tar; 15 mg. nicotine ev. per cigarette, FTC Report MARCH 74.