Skip to main content

Full text of "PLAYBOY"

See other formats 


vs 
vi) — 


S 


C >) 


| WATS MADE FOR WEEKENDS LIKETHIS. == 


Pack the Pipers Scotoh. ‘it’s all set to go іп itssown Zippered case. 
Pipers— blended and bottled in Scotland by Seagram's. 


È Seagram's 
13 o pipers f 
м Scorci wisst 


The care and feedins of your pipe. 


Apply a littleT.L.C. 


So you just got a new pipe! Congratulations. 
New pipes are like infants. Both can bring 
you a great deal of happiness. Both 

require tender, loving care. 

Неге are a few suggestions on how you 
should "baby" your new pipe. These 

T.L.C. steps will help you get all the 
pleasure you expect from smoking 


1. Before smoking your pipe for the first time, moisten 
a fingertip with water and rub it around the inside of 
the bowl. This will insulate the bowl against the heat 
of the first smoke. Then, be sure to use a quality 
tobacco, May we be so bold as to suggest Amphora? 


2. то “break in” your pipe only half fill the bowl for 
the first few smokes. Tamp the tobacco evenly and be 
sure top surface of the tobacco is well lit. (See. 
illustration above.) 


Se when you pack a full bowl, press the tobacco 
lightly in the lower part, more firmly up on top. 


4, то build an even "cake" smoke the tobacco slowly 
to the bottom. Occasionally tamp the ashes gently and 
rekindle immediately if light goes out. 


5. A pipe should keep its cool. If yours is getting hot, 
set it aside, tamp the ashes and don't relight until the 
bowl feels comfortable in your hand. 


O. When you've worked hard, you enjoy a rest. So 
does your chum, the pipe. Never refill a hot pipe. Let it 
cool and switch over to one of your other pipes. We 
can all изе a little variety now and then. 


Ё. When you finish a bowlful remove the ashes with 
your pipe tool. To absorb excess moisture insert a pipe 
cleaner in the shank and put your pipe to bed in a 

pipe rack, bowl face-down. 


A layer of carbon will build up in the bowl of your 
рірс as you continue to use it. This is good as it 
improves the draft and provides even burning. But 
don’t allow the carbon layer to be thicker than the 
thickness of a penny. 


9, Build up a collection of pipes, (The right hint 
before your birthday, Father's Day or Christmas 
wouldn't hurt.) Rotate the use of your pipes, take good 
care of them, keep your pipes clean, and they'll return 
to you years of pleasure and contentment. 


- For an even light, circle the 
24— — bowl with match to cover 
5 entire top area. 


То “break in" a pipe smoke 
slowly to the bottom. 


А good pipe tool is indispensable. 


After smoking, insert pipe 
cleaner and place pipe bowl down in rack. 


Handcrafted pipe by 
 Nording of Denmark 


How to avoid tongue bite. 


There are two possible reasons for tongue bite. One is 
excess heat in the bowl. Instead of puffing, draw 

slowly on your pipe, follow these nine steps and you'll 
go a long way toward avoiding the problem. 

The second possible cause may be your tobacco. The 
investment in a quality tobacco will reap an excellent 
return in flavor and mildness. Amphora's unique 
Cavendish process results in exira mildness while our 
top-notch taste comes through. 

Millions of pipe smokers start off their pipes with Amphora. 
And stay with it. They made Amphora what it is today. 


The largest selling Cavendish pipe tobacco in the world. 


Send for our 
FREE Brochure 


Our new brochure, “A Man and 
His Pipe,” is packed full of 
information designed to increase 
your pipe smoking pleasure. If 
you, would like a free copy, or if 
| you have any specific questions 
on pipes and pipe tobacco, 
drop a note to the President, 
Douwe Egberts, Inc., Bldg. E, 
8943 Fullbright Ave., 
Chatsworth,Ca. 91311. 


3 


Oceans apart 


PLAYBOY 


Heineken. Holland's finest; 
America's number one 

imported beer. 

Lightor dark. 

In bottles or on draft. 

Exclusive U.S. Importers: 

Van Munching & Co., Inç, N.Y., N.Y. 


2 Heineken tastes tremendous-no wonder it’s number one. 


PLAYBIL THE NOSTALGIA CRA which looks like it's here to stay, has certainly summoned many glor ious things 

from the past—old movies, old clothes, old songs. Now, even the old Depression may be coming back 
for an encore. Banks are closing just like in the good old days and Gerald Ford is beginning to sound a lot like Calvin 
Coolidge. And if that's not enough to have you stashing your pennies beneath the floor boards, check out our special 
Depression package, Who's Afraid of Hard Times?, in which Larry L. King casts a melancholy сус backward and Wil- 
liam F. Rickenbacker takes a cautionary look forward. King, who was born and raised during the Јам Depression, recalls 
what it was like to be wiped out and reduced to picking cotton on a Texas farm, Оп a slightly more positive note, Rick- 
enbacker, son of Captain Eddie and author of several books on the economy, blames our economic problems оп а wishy 
washy Government but feels that another depression can be avoided. We'll just have to wait and see. 

“When the chips are down,” John Kennedy once said, “money counts more than religion." Well, the chips аге cer- 
tainly down, but for those of us who are running low on money, religion can bea handy fail-safe. As Robert Sherrill tells 
us in Elmer Ganty for President (with artwork by John Hunt), that old-time religion is alive and kicking in Washing- 
ton, D.C. It seems that everyone in the nation's capital, from Gerald Ford on down, is praying these days and Sherrill 
is highly skeptical about the virtues of this peculiar trend. It should be noted that two months after Sherrill's article 

[n > Iu iu eric: na а K а 0: 
==л р n the lingering mysteries of Chappaquiddick appeared in 


the New York Times Magazine last July, Edward Kennedy 
scratched himself from the Presidential sweeps! i 
month, Sherrill attacks the lingering effects of God 
ington. Stay tuned for the results. 

Albeit truth is, indeed, stranger than fiction, the short stories 
in this month's issue are pretty, well. unusual. Ben Maddow 
contributes Up Ош of Zoar, an intriguing futuristic tale of mo 
rality. Jesse Hill Ford treats us to а bizarre tale of Southern law 
and order in The Jail; and in Holy War on 34th Strect, illus- 
tated by artist John Youssi, Norman Spinrad, former vice- 
president of the Science Fiction Writers of America, posits the 
SHERRILL chance encounter of several belligerent religious groups on a 
busy New York street. 

As defense correspondent for the McGraw-Hill World News, 
and a Pentagon aficionado off and on since 1960, James W. 
Canan is impeccably qualified, we feel, to expose some of the 
crazy goings on in that weird place. And weird it surely s 
you'll see by reading Tally Ho in the Pentagon, which is ex- 
cerpted from Canan's forthcoming book, The Superwarriors 
(to be published by Weybright & Talley). In it, the Air Force 
and Navy start an argument over a fighter plane and end up 
challenging cach other to a dogfight to the death with live 
ammunition 

We feel a little laughter now and th 

why we're publishing Chariots of the Clods?, John Hughes's 
take off on Erich Von Däniken. Hughes, a talented copywriter 
for a large Chicago advertising firm, says his current activities 
clude color blindness and twaddling. 
As always, personalities abound in this issue. Jack McClin- 
tock, a frustrated country-music songwriter, contends in Just а 
Good Ole Rhodes Scholar that composer-singer-acior Kris Kris- 
iollerson may, indeed, be the star of the Seventies. Billie Jean 
King, certainly a star in her own right and perhaps The Woman 
ol the Seventies, exchanges some volleys with Joe Hyams in this 
month’s interview. And actress Margot Kidder tells us about 
her сапу introduction to rLaynoy in an autobiographical essay 
accompanying a pictorial shot by Doug Kirkland. 

Now that you're wondering how we've managed to pack ай 
that entertainment into a magazine that costs less than two 
pounds of sugar and still make ends meet, don't go away yet: 
ng from wigs to plastic wrap 
ctivity in Ripped Off, cre- 
around, including Paul 
Gremmler, who is also responsible for our exercise-equipment 
feature, Shaping Up. Wrapping up the package is J. Frederick 
Smith's expert lenswork on outerwear to ward off those 
chill March winds. And at this point, if you're still worrying 
about the national debt, inflated prices and rising unemploy- 
ment rates, snuggle up with our March Playmate, Ingeborg 
Sorensen—she’s guaranteed to take your mind off the economy. 


n can't hurt, which is 


CANAN 


Fhere's more. Watch how everyth‏ کے 
KIRKLAND gets peeled away in a flurry of erotic‏ 


ated by seven of the best photographe: 


vol. 22, no. 3—march, 1975 


PLAYBOY. 


CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


PLAYBILL =. s o£ 
DEAR PLAYBOY n 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS А sf 
ВООКЅ imc 22 
MOVIES кшн ы - 26 
RECORDINGS... — mews EL 
THEATER - 38 
THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR _ 43 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM 47 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: BILLIE JEAN KING —condid conversation ss 


UP OUT OF ZOAR—fiction 2. —————..BEN MADDOW 72 
SHAPING UP—modern living... = 76 


HOLY WAR ON 34TH STREET—fi 


NORMAN SPINRAD 81 


CASSOULET—food .. 


З „THOMAS MARO 82 
MARGOT.— pictoriol essay MARGOT KIDDER 86 


JUST A GOOD OLE RHODES SCHOLAR-—personolity......JACK MCCIINTOCK 95 


ELMER GANTRY FOR PRESIDENT—orticlo -ROBERT SHERRILL 96 
NORSE STAR—playboy’s playmate of the month... 98 
Clods' Choriots PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor. 108 


TALLY HO IN THE PENTAGON—o 


JAMES W. CANAN 110 


WARMING TRENDS—ottire ROBERT 1. GREEN 113 
CHARIOTS OF THE CLODS?—porody JOHN HUGHES 117 
TRAVELER'S AIDS—accouterments = 119 


THE JAIL—fiction JESSE HILL FORD 124 


RIPPED OFF—pictorial . А = 127, 
THE VARGAS GIRL—pictoriol z ALBERTO VARGAS 136 
ESSAY ON WOMAN-—ribald classic. er PEGO BOREWELL 137 
WHO'S AFRAID OF HARD TIMES?— article WILIAM F- RICKENBACKER 138 

memoir... ss -LARRY L KING 139 


SEX $НОРРЕ—һитог................... z .........RAYMONDE 141 


ON THE SCENE—personolities = 156 
PLAYBOY POTPOURRI. - —€—— 182 
The Јой LITTLE ANNIE FANNY—sotire.__ HARVEY KURTZMAN ond WILL ELDER 207 


GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY BUILDING, S19 NORTH MICHIGAN AYE.. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS вон. RETURN POSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY ALL MANUSCRITS. DRAWINGS AND PHOTO- 
GRAPHS SUBMITTED IF THEY ARE TO BE RETURNED AND NC RESPONSIBILITY CAN BE ASSUMEO FOR UNSOLICITEO MATERIALS. ALL #ICHTS IM. LETTERS SENT TO PLAYBOY WILL BE 


STEELER, PHOTOGRAPHY BY POMPEO POSAT. OTHER PHOTOGRAPHY DY: PAIMONDO DOREA, P. 3; MARIO CASILLI, P. 98, 89 (2), 100 (2), 101 (4), 107 (2); DAVID CHAN, Р. э; BILL AND MEL 
TIGE. P. 102; CHRIS FORT, P. 3; BILL FRANTZ, P. 19-121; PANDY COSS, P. 3; RICHARD N. HEWETT, Р. 102 (2), 103 (2); DOUGLAS KIRKLAND, INTOCK, в. з. 
SUZANNE SEED, Р. 3 (2) VERNON 1. SHITH, P.3: JEFFREY WHEELER, Р. 3: LINDA WHEELER. Р. 3 (2); ERRATUM. ''SARIOT-—INCROYADLEI^* PICTORIAL, JANUARY 1378 15506, VERGEZ/STYGMA. 


AGE PAID AT Сне. ILL., AND AT ADDL. MAILING OFFICES. SUBIC 


The Los Angeles NS 


INGREDIENTS: 1 oz. EARLY TIMES, 1 oz. Creme de Banana. 
% от. Triple Sec, %4 oz. Lemon Juice, 2 oz. Pineapple Juice. 
RECIPE: In Blender combine 1 oz. EARLY TIMES, 1 oz. Creme de Banana, 
% oz. Triple Sec, М oz. Lemon Juice, 2 oz. Pineapple Juice, with ісе; pour in 
highball glass half filled with cracked ice. Garnish/pineapple slice, straw. 


1 oz. EARLY TIMES, 1 oz. Triple Sec, 1 oz. Dry Vermouth. 
RECIPE: Combine 1 oz. EARLY TIMES, 1 oz. Triple Sec, 1 oz. 
Dry Vermouth. with cracked ice; strain into stem glass. 
Garnish /lemon twist. 


The Boston Bétitbon Mary 


INGREDIENTS: 17 oz. EARLY TIMES, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire 
Sauce, Tabasco Sauce, Slice of lime (or Favorite Bloody Mary Mix). 
RECIPE: Combine 132 oz. EARLY TIMES, Tomato Juice, 
Worcestershire and Tabasco Sauce to taste (Ог Bloody Mary Mix). 
Add ingredients to highball glass filled with ice. Garnish /lime slice. 


BG Proof Езгу Times Distilery 1.8 ETOC 1975. 


INGREDIENTS: 2 oz. EARLY TIMES, 1 oz Triple Sec. orange juice. 
RECIPE: Fill highball glass with ice. Add 2 cz. EARLY TIMES and 
1 oz. Triple Sec. Fill with orange juice, and stir. 

Float teaspoon Grenadine. 


INGREDIENTS: 1 oz. EARLY TIMES, % oz. Green Creme de Menthe, 
% oz. White Creme de Cacao, 1 oz. Coffee Cream. 
RECIPE: Shake with cracked ice 1 oz. EARLY TIMES, 
% oz. Green Creme de Menthe, % oz. White Creme de Cacao, 
1 oz. Cream. Strain into whisky sour glass. 


Straight iion ^ 


"a 


n 
Wherever you are, and whatever you mix us with, cola 


ginger ale, The Uncola;" cherry soda, lemonade, water or Just 
a clatter of Ice cubes, once you know us, you'll love us. 


Early Times 


PLAYBOY 


Minolta helps you 
stop traffic. 


The fun of life can cross your path at a moment's notice. A fast-handling 
Minolta SR-T can capture it forever. 

You're comíortable with a Minolta SR-T from the moment you pick it up. 
This is the 35mm reflex camera that lets you concentrate on the picture, 
because the viewfinder shows all the information needed for correct ex- 
posure and focusing. You never have to look away from the finder to adjust 
а Minolta SR-T, so you're ready to catch the one photograph that could 
never be taken again. 

And when subjects call for a different perspective, Minolta SR-T cameras 
accept a complete system of interchangeable lenses, from “fisheye” wide 
angle to super-telephoto. 


Don't let anything get in your way. Be prepared with a Minolta SR-T. For 
more information, see your photo dealer or write Minolta Corporation, 101 
Williams Drive, Ramsey, N.J.07446. In Canada: Anglophoto Ltd., P.Q. 


pex 


Minolta SR-T 100/Minolta SR-T 101/Minolta SR-T 102 
Is your comera о meons of sell-expression? If so, enter Ihe Minolta Crective Photegrophy Contest. Grand 
Prize. two weeks in the south Pocific islonds for two, $1000 cash, ond o Minolta SR-T 102. 1428 other volu 


oble prizes will be aworded. Nothing lo buy. Minolta equipment nc! required. See your Minolta dealer 
lor details and registration. Or write: Minolta Creative Photogrophy Contest, Box 1831, Blair, Neb. 68009. 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor and publisher 
ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
ARTHUR PAUL агі director 
SHELDON WAX managing editor 
MARK KAUFFMAN photography editor 
MURRAY FISHER assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL 

ARTICLES: GEOFFREY NORMAN edilor, DAVID 
STANDISH assistant editor e FICTION: ROMIE 
MACAULEY editor, STANLEY PALEY associate 
editor, VICTORIA CHEN HAIDER, WALTER sUn- 
LETTE assistant editors e SERVICE FEATURES: 
том OWEN modern living editor, ROGER 
WIENER assistant editor; ROBERT L. GREEN 
fashion director, vavo  PLATT fashion 
editor; THOMAS Mawo food è drink editor 
CARTOONS: MICHELLE URRY edilor « COPY: 
ARLENE. KOURAS editor, STAN AMBER assistant 
editor = STAFF: c. MARNY COLSON, GRETCHEN 
МС NEESE, ROBERT SHEA, DAVID STEVENS senior 
editors; LAURENCE. GONZALES, REG TOTTERTON 
staff writers; DOUGLAS C, BENSON, WILLIAM J. 
HELMER, CARI- SNYDER amociate editors; Jon 

BLUMENTHAL, J. F. O'CONNOR. JAMES RL PETER. 
SUN assistant editors; SUSAN HEISLER, MARI 
NEKAM, BARBARA NELLIS, KAREN PADDERU 
LAURIE SADLEK, BERNICE Y, ZIMMERMAN 1e- 
search editors; J. PAUL cerry (business & 
finance), NAT HENTOFF, ANSON MOUNT, RICHARD 
RHODES, RAY RUSSELL, JEAN SHEPHERD, BRUCE 
WILLIAMSON (movies), JOHN SKOW contribut- 
ing editors = ADMINISTRATIVE SERVICE: 

PATRICIA PAPANGELIS administrative editor; 
ROSE JENNINGS Fights & permissions manager; 
MILDRED ZIMMERMAN qdarinistrative assistant 


E 
TOM STAEBLER, KEKIG POPE associate dircclors; 
NON HOST, ROY MOODY, LEN WILLIS, CHET SUSKI 
JORDON MORTENSEN, NORM SCHAEFER, JOSEP 
PACZEN assistant directors; JULE FILERS, 
масток HUBBARD, GLENN STEWARD art assistants; 
W. MICHAEL SISSON executive assistant: ЕМЕ 
CKMANN administrative assistant 


PHOTOGHAPHY 
MARILYN GRABOWSKI west 
CARY COLE, MOLLIS WAYNE asociate edi 
tors; ma suutrs technical editor; mui 
AKSENAULT, DAVID CHAN, RICHARD FEGLEY, 
DWIGHT HOOKER, POMPEO POSAR staf] pho- 
tographers; DON AZUMA, BILL and NEL кибе, 
BRIAN D. HENNESSEY, ALEXAS URIA contrib- 
uting photographers; MLL FRANTZ associate 
pholographer; JUDY JOHNSON assistant 
editor; tro каве, photo lab superviso: 
JANICE ывкомпг moss chic] stylist; 
monter chews administrative editor 


coast editor; 


PRODUCTION 
JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARGO man- 
ager; ELEANORE WAGNER, RITA JOHNSON, 
MARIA MANDIS, RICHARD QUAKTAROLI assistants 


READER SERVICE 
CAROLE CRAIG director 


CULATION 
THOMAS с. WILLIAMS customer services; 
BEN GOLDBERG director of newsstand sales; 
ALVIN WIEMOLD subscription manager 
ADVERTISING 
HOWARD W. LEDERER advertising director 
AYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC 
komer s. PREUSS business manager and 
associate publisher; RICHARD з. ROSENZW! 
executive assistant to the — publishe: 
RICHARD м. КОЕР assistant publisher 


Here's just one combinati 

a collection made of Celai 
Fortrel' polyester and cotton: 
Jacket $14. Jeans ŞI. @ 


DS should 


Pi laters help you get 
Ipblindfolded. 


` 


| Wrangler Sportswear with Fortrel: 
".Wrememberthe^W'isSilent —— 


The new 93 


М 

A Rabbit is very fast. And although ® 
we obviously don't recommend 93 miles 
per hovr, it is reassuring to know that as 
you're about to get onto a hectic expressway, 
a Rabbit has the power for incredibleaccel- 4 
eration. From 0 to 50 in only 8.2 seconds. 

A Rabbit is very thrifty. 38 miles per „@ 
gallon is what the Rabbit averaged б 
on the highway in the 1975 
model Federal Environmental Ж 
Protection Agency fuel Ф 
economy tests. It averaged a 
nifty 24 in the city. 

A Rabbit is very roomy. 

We mounted the engine 
sideways togive you more 
passenger room. So what you 
have is a sub-compact on the outside - 
with all the room of some mid-size 
cars on the inside. 

A Rabbit is a Hatchback. And you don't pay 
a penny more for that extra door. 

In car talk, the Rabbit has front-wheel drive, rack-and-pinion 
steering and VW's dual diagonal braking system. 

In people talk, the Rabbit, 5 years in the making, is backed by the 
most complete and advanced car coverage plan in the business: 
The Volkswagen Owners Security Blanket with Computer Analysis: 


And all that is all yours for only $2,999. 


Happy days are here again. b e 
гары 


"Suggested retail price Rabbit 2-door Hatchback, P.O.E., local taxes and other dealer delivery charges additional. See your dealer 


mph, 38 mpg, 
Rabbit. " 


<. ү\срРУ days are here 099“ 


= Ga ИШ TS 
SA ES Sco. an? | 

LT. IMPORTED 

ЭЭ? жашик. 


How does a Scotch get the lion's share? 


We haven't become king of Scotches: Not yet. Butwe know how to conquer all other Scotches. 
Just be tastier than any of them (with a little more Scotch flavor than they have). And cost less 
than any other first class Scotch (quite a bit less). As itis, we're up to 8ve million bottles. 


In 107 countries. In 6 very short years. So yi 
really. а BAGO 2 е, PASSPORT Scotch 


AS ЖЫР, TA M REATUS en The spirit of success. 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


E] sores ғ.лувот MAGAZINE - PLAYBOY BUILDING, 919 N. MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


OH. HENRY 

In his Decembe 
singer, Garry Wills gives the answer to the 
question, What makes Henry run? Ob- 
viously, it is his love of power, and his 
tactic of servility aud obsequiousness to. 
tain it. He took on William Elliott's 
docuine to get a leg up at 
ard. He became ап advocate of tacti- 
cab nudear war because this would im- 
pres General Gavin. He approved the 
simas bombing of North Vietnam, 
since he figured this was what would 
please President Nixon. He screamed 
loudly about the publication of the Pen- 
on papers. and so set the stage for the 
break-in of Ellsberg’s psychiatrist's office, 
because this was the temper of the Nixon 
White House. He went along with, and 
perhaps even initiated the bugging of col- 
leagues, again because he knew this would 
be great guns with the dim minds a 
White House. In his later life. 
Kissinger has т 
with those who see the кой in simpl 
tones, as do El N 
Brezhnev, than with the more sophisti 
cated, like John Kennedy and Chou En 
j. The question might be asked wheth 
he hay an olound philosophy or 


is noth than a super litmus 
paper for the 
Tr Collin, Editor 
The Washington Spectator Newsletter 
hington, D.C 
Garry Wills Kissinger seems to have 


missed the point in its discussion of the 
roots of power. The implication 1 got is 
that the Rockefellers bought and sold a 
Harvard international scholar to Gov 
ment and then sat back to reap the bene 
fit. Lets not forget who nominated 
Gerald. Ford, who in turn nominated 
Rockefeller and who bought and sold thu 
soul of Henry Kissinger in the first p 

Roger S. Manni 

Palmyr 


This "super y Kissinger. is 
undoubtedly the most dangerous man the 
world has ever known. While creating 
the impression of being a genius, he has 
the uncanny ability to simultaneously col- 
lec the laurels if he succeeds 
someone else take the rap if he 
fluenced only the cz: 


: this Ras- 
nlluences the most powerful olfice 


im the world: the U.S. Presidency. Is he 


really all that capable? Well. which diplo- 
mat worth his salt could not do the same, 
when empowered to give away the assets 
of the United States—money, arms, po- 
litical support and know-how—in order} 
to achieve a goal? Nixon wa 
for Kissinger—Ford even le 
Dirk M. Brink 
Hong Kong 


Kissinger is unique because he can con- 
sistently manipulate to his advantage the 
enormous complexitics interwoven into 
word politics today. The personality 
Garry Wills so aptly sketches оС Kis 
ger shows the relationship betwee 
complexities of the man and his 
successfully with the. 

at, 


to d 
complexities of governm 


HUNTING SONG 
I read the article Old Dance on the 
Killing Ground. by Charles Gaines, in 
the October issue with understandable 
се my sons and I were 
rt of the object of that exercise. 
s appears to have colored the hunt 


a finished product that 
mihunting. It is remark. 
could have 
ned such a posture, since our hunt was 
uted in our attempts to keep hini 
is photographer friend from being 
- My son did not kill 
al shot up the 


pros. 
nd 
gored by the bo 
the fallow buck with a fin 
rectum. He killed it with three shots 
the lung cavity. und D have the ph 
phs to prove it. Gaines had less те 
spect for the boar d 
1 told him to "freeze 

: to the 
with nearly 200 pounds of live mate 
atehing us rather closely. In retrospect 


we did and when 
preventing 
vimal 


1w: 


a passive society without understandin 
the ramifications of wildlife overpopula- 
tion and subsequent wasteful s 
of such. wildlif 
the same tune but gladly 
resulting from а successful hunt, Game 
management ін our big country is emi 
пешү successtul and hunting within the 
parameters laid down by the wildlife 


PLAYBOY. MARCH, 1975, VOLUME 22, NUMBER 3. PUBLISHED MONTHLY тү FLAVEOY. PLYBOY musLEINE, эт NORTH wc 


AVENUE, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 606i. SUBSCRIPTIONS: IN THE UNITED STATES. ITS POSSESSIONS AND CANADA. S24 Fon THREE 


RENEWALS. CHARGE OF ADDIESS: SEND GOTH OLD AND NEW ADDRESSES YO FLAYDOY. PLAYBOY EUILBING. 919 NORTH MICHIGAN. 


THERY SMYTH. KARKETING SER 


ES DIRECTOR, NELSON утс 


ANE ALLOW зо DAYS FOR CHANCE. MARKETING: IMAG 2. ROSENZWEIG. DIRECTOR OF MARKETING 
MARKETING MANAGER, LEE GOTTLIEB, DIRECTOR CF PUBLIC RELA 

TIONS. ADVERTISING: HOWARD W. LEDERER. ADVERTISING ELNECTOR, HERBERT D. VANELOYEG, As: 

JULES XASE, JOSEPH GUENTHER, ASSOCIATE ADVERTISING MANAGERS. 747 THIRD AVENUE, NEW YORK. MEW YON V 


TE ADVERTISING DIRECTOR. 


SHERMAN KEATS, MANAGER, S19 NORTH MICHIGAN AVENUE; DETROIT: WILLIAY F. ROOPE, PANACER. BIG FISHER BUILDING. LOS ANGELIS. 


Add your own dash of TABASCO” 
Sauce at the table...to soups. 
Free booklet!" The Exciter"! 24 colorful, fun pages 
containing tips on how to use TABASCO at the 
table. Write Mclihenny Company Dept.EX-S, Avery 
Island, Louisiana 70513 


1975. TABASCO is. 
ines 2d emen м 


PLAYBOY 


12 


specialists is, or ought to be, a healthy 
outlet for our violence between wars and 
at the same time serve to control wild- 
life population, which, as far as deer 
e concerned, is greater than during our 
Colonial be, gS. 

J. W. Whitehouse 

Lyndonville. Vermont 


Gaines теріс 

Whitehouse claims that my story “Old 
Dance on the Killing Ground" is essen- 
tially antihunting. It is not. 1 myself 
have been a bird hunter for more than 20 
years and will continue to be one as long 
as there is wild shooting available, For 
the small percentage of American big- 
game hunters who are true woodsmen 
and sportsmen, who hunt with skill and 
endurance and who have affection for 
the animals they hunt, I have nothing 
but respect (too much respect, I might 
add, to go along with Whitehouse's sor- 
did notion that they do what they do 
in order lo bloodily while away the time 
between wars). Не also states that the 
story is full of inaccuracies. He is mis- 
taken about that, too. 1 have по doubt 
that he has pictures of a variety of holes 
in the fallow decr his sons Swiss-cheesed 
on the hunt; but I have one that testifies 
drearily to the final anal shot that killed 
the animal. Finally, Whitehouse's belief 
that he and his sons were ever put into 
a position of having to protect me from 
being gored, his conviction that there 
was any real danger at all attached to 
his hunt, is touching substantiation of 
the story's central point: that fantasy is 
what preserve hunting is all about. 


RATING REDFORD 

Ihe Robert Redford interview 
(rLaynoy, December) is certainly one of 
your best. Larry DuBois really broke 
through all the barriers and exposed Red- 
ford for what he v 
compassionate hum 


Nashville, Tennessee 


Most actors who catch m 
the screen are а disippointment when I 
bout them. Not so with Redford. 
The interview is so honest and озеп 
hed that for once I felt a genu- 
ty and humanness from 
the subject. He made me feel 
ag through a moment of 
m, ау if 1, too 
compassion, desp: 


iencing hi 
‚ humor and айса 
Lorraine Mason 

Pompano Beach, Florida 


а make a lovely 
the master. of 
у cliché from the old—‘riddle of the 
Sphinx"—to the new—"“The press 
lible, human like the rest of us"—with 
every shading in between ("Fame is a 
twoedged sword"). But if he remains an 


actor, we'll give him more interesting ways 
to say what he has to say. 

Robb White 

Santa Barbara, California 


MONSTER MASH 
Ма Brooks and Gene Wilder are 
azy! I was certain Blazing Saddles, 
which I found uproariously funny, would 
be the limit. But Young Frankenstein 
(rrAvnov, December) promises to be even 
funnier. Bra 


Hilton Cranston 
New York, New York 


Mel Brooks and Gene 
offscreen as they are 


15 it true tha 
Wilder are as cra 
in their movies? 


Harvey White 
New York, New York 
Absolutely not. As you can see by this 
photograph, Brooks and Wilder are 
actually somber, retiring men who lead 


normal, quiet lives like the rest of us. 
Humor is no laughing matter to them 
and they conduct themselves with 
restraint and refinement at all times. 


1 can't figure out why everybody thinks 
Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder are so 
damned funny. Quite frankly, I thought 
Blazing Saddles was one of the most bor- 
ing flicks I'd seen in ages—chock-full of 
obvious sight gags and cheap jokes. Young 
Frankenstein looks even worse, И the ex- 
cerpts you published are supposed to be 
the best parts, I'm going to make a mental 
note to avoid the movie. 

Doi 
Cı 


Eldridge 
igo, Ilinois 


ider and Brooks have to be the dy: 

namic duo of Seventies comedy. 1 can't 

t ıo see Young Frankenstein in its hi- 
larious entirety on the screen, 
Law 


nce Smith 
mi, Florida. 


CHELSEA PEARLS 

It was, indeed, a pleasure to read James 
Г. Farrell's aride Remembering the 
Chelsea (pLavwoy, December). I found 
most informative, since it covers a 
period before my 20-year association with 
the Hotel Chelsea. It appears that not too 
much has changed, since we are still con- 
sidered to haye the most creative clientele 
anywhere. I would have liked Farrell to 


terviewed some of our more prom 
ent writers, artists, musicians. actors 

and actresses who are in the mainstream 

of the arts. However, the discussions and 

earthy conversations in the Chelsea lobby 

accentuate the friendly ambience. 

Stanley Bard, Director 

Hotel Chelsea 

New York, New York 


Your publishing of James T. Farrell's 
reminiscences Remembering the Chelsea 
underscores the fact that its author is alive 
and well and, though he has recently 
passed the 70-year mark, still thinks 


deeply and widely. He is hardly to be car- 


marked as the “proletarian” blood-and- 
guts author of that far-off decade, the Red 
Thirties. In. this icle, which so well 
displays one of the sharpest yet gentlest 
wits imaginable, there is an especially 
poignant and revealing passage in which 
he remembers visiting Edgar Lee Masters 
at the Chelsea. Farrell 
pathy and some show of p 
ters was told by his inferiors that the 
no longer wanted him, that the n 
Masters was no longer a drawing 
for people interested in letters. He 
admits to havin; resentment over 
very condi 
ad off since the mid- 
elf, Apparently, 
letters, we all too 
cagerly anticipate the diminishing of pow- 
er or at least of popularity of a w 
if the new had to knock off the old ii 
order 10 s im attention. ШШ this. s un- 
to 
'arrell's 
RON the 


felt 


fairly ofter 


Ree ncaa 
s of literary fashion, 1 was most 
touched by his tentative judgment regard- 
g the new when he wrote of Andy War- 
hol and his devotees. He has held off from 
any stringent judgment, as if wanting very 
much to be happi ed by some new 
aesthetic 
Bany Wallenstein. 
The City College of the 
City University of New York 
New York, New York 


ter. 
nt Professor 


UNLISTED NUMBERS 

I must commend you on all the guys 
you managed to dig up for your Dial-4 
God Golden Pages (PLAYEOY, December). 
However, there are quite a few that you 
happened to miss. In fact, if I may say so 
without this being regarded as a plug for 
the radio station for which I work, your 
research would have been much easier and 
e complete if you had just listened to 
us for a For instance, you state that 
you couldn't find any "female asp 
Well. a daily feature on our station is 
Moments with Martha. Female. Nothing 
Jewish? Well, we've got one titled The 
Jewish Voice Broadcast. Can't get much 
plainer than that. In addition, there're 
Jimmy Swaggert, David Epley and near- 
ly а dozen more. You should have been 


If youlike your smoking cool 'neasy, KOOL 
is for yov. Its taste of extra coolness wipes 
out hot taste forever. 

like acool 'n easy Swimobile by Chap- 
pel Industries? KOOL will be glad to 
send you one. It's like having a pet dol- 
phin to tow you around. Propelled by 
twin water jets, it’s fun for all. For tow- 
ing the gong behind or for snorkelers. 
Weighs 86 Ibs., 52" long, 36" wide, 18" 
high. Seld elsewhere for $365.00, the 
Swimobile is yours for only $299.95 and 
10 labels from any style of KOOL 


ا ت م 


SWIMOBILE OFFER! Spec 
covers delivery of Swimobile ot right. 
Features: 5 HP cir-cacled engine, and 
fiberglass hull. Allow 6-8 weeks de- 
livery. Offer good thru 12/31/75 [or 
while supply loss). limited ro U.S.A. 
Моке certified check or money order. 
payable to SWIMOBILE OFFER. Mail 
1o Box 3000KS, Louisville, Ky. 40201 

O Please send me SWIMOBILE(S]. 
For each one ! enclose 10 KOOL labels 
{ony style) ptus $299.95. 


l price 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


Seams co 


| 
l 
| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
l 
І 
| 
| 
і 
| 
| 


C Certified Check Г Money Order [] BonkAmericord* — [7 Moster Chorge* 
"Cord — Expires. —— 
60 
Phone 
Nome —— = 28 
Tom 21er over 

Адат. нш, کی‎ 

No Р.О. Boxes, pisose 
City Stole Zip. 


Kings & Longs, 17 mg. “tas,” 1.3 mg. nicntine, av. per cigarette, ЕТС Report Oct, 74 


PLAYBOY 


Forcolor reproduction of complete Wiid Turkey painting ty Ken Davies, 19 by Z1 send 51 to Box 


Wild Turkey Lore: 


The Wild Turkey is one of the 
heaviest birds capable of 
flight. Yet it is unusually fast. 
Тһе male bird has been 
clocked at speeds as high as 
55 miles per hour. 

As America's most 
treasured native bird,the 
Wild Turkey is an apt 
symbol for Wild Turkey 
Bourbon—America’s most 
treasured native whiskey. 


WILD TURKEY/ 101 PROOF/8 YEARS OLD. 


Austin Nichols Distilling Co., Lawrenceburg, Kentucky 


tuned in the day an exorcism was per- 
formed on one of our programs before an 
audience. For the atheists (equal time, you 
know). we even feature a program from 
Radio Moscow. 

David M. Hallow 

Chicago. Illinois 

As we said before, don't call us, we'll 

call you 


CASTING OFF 

Once again, no respect! In Dan Green- 
burg's piece How to Cast a Porno Film 
and Not Get Too Nervous (pLavuoy, De 
cember). Carl Gurevich doesn't. give the 
real reason ] turned down the role. The 
truth. of the mauer is, I didn't want to 
be in this movie because I get laid in it. 
and since I'm in show business, Гуе been 
fucked around enough. By the way, this 
isn't the first porno part Гуе turned 
down. I turned down a classier sex picture 
once, a Danish film. They spoke in Eng- 
lish, but the sex was dubbed in 


Rodney Dangerfield 
New York, New York 


1 thoroughly enjoyed Dan Greenburg's 
amice How іо Cast а Perno Ейт and 
Not Get Too Nervous in the December 
issue of pravnov. 1 was, of course, very 
surprised to find my name mentioned in 
such an erotic piece. lt seems Greenburg 
placed me in New York during the film 
ing of a movie titled Fourplay. 1 think 
that he has mistaken me for another 
comedian who also appeared on the Re. 
publican Presidential Ballot in 1970. I 
can provide proof that during the period 
that this film was being made, 1 was on a 
personal appearance tour for the Daugh- 
ters of the Pan-American Revolution. As 
to photographs depicting someone look- 
ing like me with a nude actress, I can 


categorically say that D was misquoted 
(rtavuoy, April 1971). Throughout 
Greenburg’s article, he refers to a chubby, 
charismatic procurer by the name of Carl 
Gurevich. In checking my records, I find 
that there was such a man who contacted 
me in regard to starring in a film. To the 
best of my recollection, he was interested 
in my playing the lead in the remake of a 
spiritual film called The Robe. For the 
many middleof-the-road Americans who 
have always supported me, 1 deny em. 
phatically having anything to do with the 
kinds of people described in the afore 


mentioned article. And that’s по shit? 
Pat Paulsen 
Beverly Hills, California 


MIDDLE GROUND 

I knew if I waited lor зопрһ, 
rLaynoy would publish an article like 
George Johnson's Stuck in the Middle 
with You (etaywoy, December). It's 
worth the wait. No matter how you slice 
it—one guy with two gals or one gal with 
two guys—it makes a delicious sandwich 
Г was delighted to discover that Johnson 
did not neglect the ménage à trois that 


| oe THING HAPPENED on Saturday afternoon. I rolled out my new 
Kawasaki 7-1 and four hamburgers burned-up on the Stevenson's barbeque; the 
Brady's livingroom never got painted; the Kresser's livingroom gathered more 
dust; the Gelbert's tennis match was pointless; Lisa Harwayne's piano lesson went 
flat; and 23 snails, 12 slugs, and at least 17 beetles had the Howell's 
garden for lunch. 

The thing is, I remember back when a flashy new car would draw guys in our 
neighborhood away from their appointed week-end tasks (irritating the ladies 
no end). I guess times have changed. | can't say it was my 7-1 itself that did the 
trick. I mean, not everybody knew he was lookin’ at a 903cc, 4 cylinder, 4-stroke 
legend — maybe the best touring bike ever made. 

They know that now, but I kinda think it was the idea of a motorcycle that 
turned 'em on. Like way down deep each guy sort of understands motorcycling, 
evenif he’s never hadariding experience. Don't ask me to explain that experience. 
It's a feeling. Not that junk about the sun on your face and wind in your hair. 
It's more an urge to get on a bike and. ..just...go. With a secret notion you won't 
want to come back again. Besides, it's good looking at the world without looking 
through a windshield. 

‘Course! didn't mention any of that on Saturday. Ifigurcd Kawasaki 
keeping quiet might restore peace in the neighborhood. lets the good times roll. 


PLAYBOY 


CAN 
PROMISE 
YOU THE 

WORLD 
—AND 
DELIVER IT. 


All you dois fill out the coupon 
below, mail it to us and you 
become an official OUI 
subscriber. Then, every month, 
you receive one very fresh 


copy of that most worldly 
magazine, OUI. 


Please enler my subscription for 


O 1 year $10 (save $5.50 off $15.50 
single-copy price) 


Г] Bill me later 


O Payment enclosed 


(please print) 


919 №. Michigan Ave. 
Chicago, Illinois 60611 


16 


finds one gal getting it all together with 
two guys. This sandwich arrangement ac 
tually makes more sense from a physi 
logical standpoint than the one-man trio, 
no matter how durable and imaginative 
the lone male can be with his two females 
‘The solo girl can handle everything the 
two guys cin dish out for as many hours 
as the guys can keep it going. 
(Name and address 
withheld by request) 


GABRILIAD'S ODYSSEY 
or years now, you have been fecdi 
sick material to sick minds. With the 
publication of The Gabriliad (PLAYBOY, 
December), you have submerged to a 
lower depth. Now you seek to desecrate 
all that we hold holy. Its enough that 
you are allowed to deface God's crea- 
tions on such a lowly scale for perverted 
amusement. You want to defile God 
Himself. Our air is polluted by greedy 
profiteers. Our water and sometimes our 
food are polluted. Now you scek to tunnel 
into the last resting place of sanctity of 
our minds and mockingly stain all that 
we hold pure. 1 insist you do not have the 
right to violate and twist our personal 
visions of God and His most holy mother, 
which we hold so emphatically pure. I 
shudder to think who will be your defense 
one day if you continue this erratic course. 
Edward T. Jarrell 
Chester, Pennsylvania 
Strangely enough, 150 years ago, a Rus- 
sian chief of police had a reaction similar 
to yours concerning Alexander Pushhin's 
“Gabriliad.” Throughout his life, Push- 
hin suffered banishment and. disgrace as 
a resuli of his subversive works, but he re- 
mains today one of Russia’s most impor- 
tant literary innovators. “The Gabriliad" 
was not meant as sacrilege but, rather, as 
а willy protest against the Russian estab- 
lishment and the Orthodox Church and 
its practices. 


FISH TALE 
Following the November Hunter 
Thompson interview with The Great 
Shark Hunt (evaysoy, December) was 
one of your most outstanding cditorial 
decisions. The good doctor does not strike 
close to home with his political insight; 
he blows the whole damn house up! If 
only the keen thinking that comes from 
Thompson's drug powered cerebrum were 
in greater supply, we might not be in thi 
screwed-up national state. And we might 
have more writers skilled in Gonzo Jour- 
nalism carrying on in the great Frar and 
Loathing tradition. Thanks, PLAYBOY. 
George F. Kaywood 
Charleston, South Carol 


OFF BEAT 

I'm shocked! To learn after 38 years 
that somcone named Larry L. King has 
been secretly following me throughout my 
entire life, from the bathroom in my 


home town during my teens to my present 
status, approaching an “old boy.” Where 
could he have hidden in that bathroom, 
behind the hamper? No, that's where 1 
scurried when I realized that the hook on 
the bathroom door might not hold. And 
noise in the high grass down by the 
ver, could that have been Larry L- King? 
That first backseat job. that car w: 
two-door! He couldn't have—but wai 
1 remember, she did have a satisfied smile 
on her face just belore—- Well. at any 
rate, if it was Larry L. King, I have 
to compliment him on Getting Off 
(рїлүвоү, December), a subject I have 
been—ah—close to for many years. 
W. H. Netherland 
Savannah, Georgia 


CAR FARE 

Brock Yatess December article, The 
Sportsedan; Roughing It on the Estate, 
is one of the best car features I've read 
in ages. Like many others I prefer an auto- 
mobile that is engineered to be driven, 
rather than a compact living room to 
transport me to my destination. There is, 
however, one line in the article with 
which Vd like to take issue—the one re- 
ferring to "night school chiropractors.” 
First of all. there is no such thing as а 
night school chiropractor. Although 30 ог 
10 years ago this reference might have 
been accurate, nowadays state licensing 
requires at least two years of college in 
addition to another four years of chiro- 
practic college, which is roughly equ 
lent to medical school. Courses in 
anatomy, physiology, microbiology and 
pathology, to name a few. You would 
have to spend an awful lot of nights to 
get through a regimen like that. 

Donald Bernstein 
Hempstead, New York 

Right. And now that you mention it, 
we've got this nagging pain in the small 
of our back... . 


SINGER'S SONG 
Isaac Bashevis Singers Tale of Two 
Sisters (rr Av Boy, December) is an extraor- 
dinarily enjoyable reading experience. 
Singer has taken much from the Biblical 
story of Jacob (see Genesis 29-31), twisted 
it exquisitely into a Kafkaesque setting, 
written it in Conradian narration and 
produced a masterpiece of short fiction. 
Victor A. Fleming 
Chapel Hill, North Caroli 


PHOTO FINISH 
1 was enormously impressed by the 

artistic expression achieved by photog: 
rapher Victor Skrebneski in Claudia Ob- 
served (PLAYHoy, December). Although 
it goes without saying that Jennings is 
an extremely photogenic subject. Skreb- 
neski has managed to capture her in a 
particularly beautiful pose. 

Michacl Green 

East Lansing, Michigan 


We Deliver... 


А . . . entertainment made to order for today's urbane man. 
Riotous humor . . . intoxicating females . . . explosive fact, fiction, interviews 
... plus much more! For delivered-to-your-door convenience and savings, too 
subscribe to PLAYBOY today! 


PLAYBOY, Playboy Building 
919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Illinois 60611 


Please enter my subscription for 


[Г] 3 years $24 (now save $24.00 off 
$48.00 single-copy price) 


L1 1 year $10 (now save $6.00 off $16.00 
single-copy price) 


7050 


СО саве print) 


address - = - - = 
ےون‎ 2 peat 3 
Г] bill me later [Г] payment enclosed 


[ГГ] charge to my Playboy Club credit Key no. 


A a 


Rates ard credit apply to U.S., U.S. Poss., Са: 


APO-FPO address only. 


ee eel 


The one thing it 
doesn't have is 
why you should 
have one. 


The brilliant 1975 Honda Civic 
CVCC engine burns its fuel mixture 
so efficiently it meets 1975 emissions 
requirements without a catalytic 
converter. 

And no catalytic converter means 
no catalytic converter problems: no 
service or replacement problems. 
And especially no gasoline problems. 
You can use regular, low-lead or 
no-lead gas in a Honda Civic CVCC. 

And talk about gas mileage. The 
Honda Civic CVCC 4-speed got about 
28 miles per gallon around town, 
about 38 mpg on the highway in 
EPA lab tests. 

There is also Honda's front-wheel 
drive. It gives you brilliantly respon- 
sive handling. And you also get 
Hondas remarkable use of space — 
as one look inside the other leading 
subcompacts will show you. 

If all that's not enough, consider 
the one other thing the Honda Civic 
CVCC doesn't have: a big price tag. 


CVCC and Civic are Honda trademarks. Vinyl top 
optional. © 1975 American Honda Motor Co., Inc. 


HONDA CIVIC 
What the world is coming to. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has 
That Cig to Your Health. 


PLAYBOY 


AFTER HOURS 


joe Haggard showed up for jury 
duty at the district courthouse in Al- 
bany, Oregon, wearing a pants suit. The 
judge dismissed her, explaining that he 
didn't allow pants suits in his courtroom. 
Mrs. Haggard protested: "I can think 
just as well with my pants on as with my 
pants off.” The judge, thinking things 
over, was impressed with Mrs, Haggard's 
logic and rescinded his ban. 


When you've 
flaunt it: Employees of Amtrak, the Gov- 
ernmentsubsidized railroad, spent about 
$750,000 in 16 months traveling on busi- 
ness to different points along the Amtrak 
route, The money was spent on air fares. 


Considering the number of this Mor- 
mon leader's wives, the inscription on а 
lure country- 
side 


шоп 
ment in 
Whit 
ham, Ver 
mont, goes 
right to the 
point 


Big bolfs, Oriental style. The program 
for the Japanese Cinema on 
North Clark Street adyertises the follow: 
ing features: 


Chicago's 


Yellow Ribbon Medal—Situation 
comedy of a man who works for the 
Sanitation Department collecting hu- 
man waste. Keeps his occupation a 
secret from his family only to be 


found out when he is honored f 
years of service with a yellow ribbon 
medal. You will chuckel [sic]! 

Tora-san Goes French—Love again 
confuses Tora-san. For the sake of his 
new-found romance, Tora-san reluc- 
tantly forgoes his favorite meal of 
Miso soup and rice for one of French 
rolls. This is the latest of the Tora- 
san's Series which will keep you 
laughing. 

The Great Tremor—Situation 
comedy based on the great carth- 
quake 50 years ago: predicted to oc- 
cur every 50 years. Merchants invade 
the town with survival kits, causing 
confusion and laughter. 


А 17th Century vol- 
ume of gardening hints discovered by a 
rare book seller in England advises people 


Bugs go bana 


whose gardens are plagued by caterpil 
lars to hire a pretty lady for the day. The 
woman should walk three 
times around the garden top- 
less and barefoot, the guide SN 1, 
advises, which will cause \ / 
the caterpillars to fall 

off their perches, The solu 
tion will not work at sunrise; 
however. 


A member of the Fi 
representatives asked to be recog 
nized, produced two daggers and sug 
gested that members of the opposition 
party stab themselves. “Would my motion 
be in order?” he asked. Oh, yes, replied 
the speaker of the house. The motion 
was in response to a parliamentary ma- 
neuver the day before, in which the oppo- 
sition leader had produced two nooses 
and invited several government members 
to hang themselves. 


There's а bit of morbid wisdom in 
this misprinted headline in the San Jose 
Mercury-News: "FOOD SHORTAGE MAY BE 
JUST AROUND CORONER.” 

Police in Los Angeles are on the look- 
out for a pair wanted in comection with 
a bank holdup, but they're having trou- 


4 


ble getting a description to go on. АШ 
they know is that a rather well-endowed 
young lady and a male companion walked 
up to a male teller, announced a stick- 
up and walked away with the money. 
Seems the lady wore a blouse so sheer 
that the teller claimed a “bare-breasted 
bandit” had pulled off the job. He was 
unable to describe either 
person's 
face. 


The labor of 
love: A new con 
tract inspired a 

Pennsyh 
union 
man and 


nia 


his roommate- 
rlfricnd of 
из to start 
g seriously 
settling down. 
the new agree 
provision for free 


two 
thin 
about 
Included 
ment was 


NS dental care to the families of 
carbcanyiug members. Since 
the lady's teeth needed work, they de- 


cided it was as good a time as any for the 
two to form a union of their own. 

Who was that masked ma 
From the classified section of The Seattle 
Daily Times: “Austin-Healey 3000, 1965 
Silver with Tonto. $2500." 


ayway? 


"Truth in blooperism? From the Uni- 
versity of Virginia student newspaper: 
“A very impotent meeting of the Counse 
lor’s Committee on Human Sexuality will 
be held at seven рм." 


Expletive repeated: Awakened by si- 
rens, John Smith leaned out of a sixth- 
floor window in a Los Angeles hotel to 
scream curses at the police. He lost his 


2) 


PLAYBOY 


22 


SHOULD WE ALL 


Another travesty of justice has end- 
ed in America. After three months, 
56,000,000 and total confusion, we 
have a verdict in the Watergate 
cover-up trial And what does it 
prove? 

It proves once more that conspir- 
acy statutes, which have mainly been 
used to curb dissent in Amcrica, are 
just as abhorrent when used against 
those who would curb 
dissent. 

It makes no differ- 
ence that the Water- 
gate five were less 
honorable than the 

ago Seven—the 

t is that we should 
put the conspiracy 
principle in the gar- 
bage can, where it 
belon; 

Lawyers are in 
unanimous agree- 
ment with Supreme 
Court Justice Robert 
H. Jackson's state- 
ment that the con- 
spiracy concept is “зо 
vague that it almost defies definition." 
We must remember, however, that it 
was the force of public opinion that 
got rid of Richard Nixon, and not the 
lawyers. 

Most are quick ro understand the 
absurdity of a statute that says that 
those who participate in a conspiracy 
in any degree are equally culpable re- 
gardless of when they signed on. As 
one ecology-minded court has said, “It 
is immaterial when any of the parties 
entered the polluted stream. From that 
moment, each was as much contami- 
nated as though an original conspira- 
tor.” This may make fine sewer-pla 
logic, but it doesn't make for good law. 

he next problem. 

Law permits the gambit of naming, but 
not formally indicting, any number of 
coconspirators. The obvious purpose 
of this maneuver may be to induce or 
coerce the weaker small fry to testify 
for the prosecution in exchange for 
immunity from indictment. This, plus 
what has come to be known as plea 
bargaining, may have really put the 
Goverument in the business of suborn- 
ing perjury. 

Then there is the problem that the 
conspiracy concept permits the prose- 
cutor то herd a group of defendants 
into the same courtroom for trial. The 
curtailing of juror challenge is but a 
minor inconvenience, so the Govern- 
ment tells us. but let's look 

Mass trials make mass confusion. 


"n 


{ HANG TOGETHER? 


Each defendant, with discrete inter- 

ess to be protected, will certainly 

have one or more lawyers, till the 
courtroom is overflowing with bodies. 

It is not uncommon in such trials for 

the judge to have difficulty remember- 

ing the names of the accused or their 
lawyers and mismatching them ас 
cidentally. (Judge Julius Hoffman in 
the Chicago Seven trial immediately 
comes to mind.) 

If an experienced 
trial judge cannot 
keep the dramatis per 
sonac straight, then a 
jury cannot. very well 
be expected to. And 
even if they remem 
ber that much, they 
must figure which de- 
fendant was benefit- 
ed. There is little 
doubt that a juror in 
his frustration. will 
abdicate his fact-find- 
ing role and assume 
that all evidence, 
whether damning or 
absolving, relates to 

all the defendants. 

This herding process, and the mass 
confusion to which the conspiracy con 
cept lends itself, is just the beginning 
of the problem. The very grouping of 
the defendants and their lawyers, who 
in political cases may manifest surface 
similarities in speech and dress, cer. 
tainly gives rise to the thought of a 
conspiratorial association. Whether 
they be hippies or honkies, these birds 
of a feather must be conspiring to- 
gether. (Bobby Seale showed great 
sense in the Chicago trial in establish. 
ing his identity. Remember, he was 
the one who was bound hand and foot 
in a chair and grunted through a gag 
every time a reference was made to 
him) Incidentally, that trial opened 
with Seale's being introduced for the 
first time to his fellow conspirators. 
And we thought that guilt by associ- 

h the F 

No prosecutor has a mandate to 
proceed with this nonsense, and се 
tainly the Special Prosecutor, whose 

sk was to ferret out the perverters 
ofour laws and spirit and punish them 
accordingly, was not given a shotgun 
to fire into the crowd. 

We shall side with Clarence Darrow 
in his assessment of our use of the 
conspiracy concept Darrow, il 
another wicked time, said, “It is a 
serious reflection on America that this 
worn-out piece of tyranny . . . should 
find a home in our country 

пск TUCK 


balance and fell 50 teet to the pavemen 
As soon as he'd been placed in an am 
bulance, Smith picked up where -he left 
off. He swore at the police during the 
entire ride to the hospital. 


his notice appeared in a Washington, 
D.C., Government office: OUR GOVERN- 
MENT IS AN EQUAL-OPPORTUNITY EMPLOY- 
FR. HIRE THE MORALLY HANDICAPPED. 


BOOKS 


Alexander the Great looked around 
one day, saw that there were no more 
worlds to conquer and began to weep. 
World markets, of course, are another 
thing entirely. Take Chile, for example; 
the CIA and LT.T. already have. As de- 
scribed in Global Reach (Simon & Schuster), 
the overthrow of the Allende regime is 
almost а minor example of how the short- 
range political sts of any given 
country can be made to serve the long- 
range interests of the global corporations. 
Gunboats don't work anymore. From our 
Government's point of view, it was cheap- 
er and politically less hazardous to attack 
South American Marxism with the eco- 
nomic weapons of a huge international 
company. The message was simple: Your 
service will be disconnected unless your 
balance is paid. Recent revelations about 


the CIA and LT.T. in Chile make the 
book particularly timely, but its purpose is 
пе the roles that virtually all such 
ary entcrprises"—companics such 
as LT.T., Shell, G.M., С.Е, Pfizer and 
xxon—play in determining the welfare 
of millions of people, particularly in poor 
cr countries. Irs the position of authors 
Richard J. Barnet and Ronald Е. Maller 
that the global corporation is the first in- 
stitution in history dedicated to central 
planning on a world scale and that such 
Corporations today have more power than 


22 


sistorized ignition system to increase spark efficiency. 
And a 5-speed transmission that's easy on gas and on 
the engine because fifth gear is an overdrive. 

There's also a Celica ST with the same new engine 
coupled with a 4-speed synchromesh or, if you like. an 


Standard equipment, includes 8,000 rpm 
tach, an electric clock, a resettable trip 
odometer and an AM/FM stereo radio. 


the С 


vinyl. In the 


Reclining Hi-back front bucket seats. In 
(shown here) upholstery is knitted 
Г, it’s plush fabric. 


iter, 4-seater, 5-speeder. 


The Celica GT is about the hottest Toyota around. 
It's got a new 2.2 liter hemi-head engine with a tran- 


optional 3-speed automatic transmission. 

Both Celica GT and ST come loaded with standard 
equipment (of course). AM/FM stereo radio. Power front 
disc brakes. Radial tires. Styled steel wheels. Rear 
window defogger. Wall-to-wall carpeting. 

Celica. For people who want a great looking car. But 
don't want to spend their lives paying for it. 


5-speed overdrive in the GT. With th 
4-speed is standard, automatic is 


Small car specialists for over 40 years. 


TOYOTA 


See how much car your money can buy. 


PLAYBOY 


24 


any government to organize people 
(meaning technologists and Jabor) and 
goods (meaning everything from food to 
factories). Barnet and Müller devote 
much of their book to explaining why 
and how traditional economic theories 
have helped spawn an elite supranational 
business community with the kind of clout 
the United Nations cin only fantasize 
about. The book is—for a treatise on eco 
t—readable and enlighte 
alas, somewhat utopian. 


"Put an Irishman on the spit,” 
G. B. Shaw, "and you can always get an 
other Irishman to turn him." In The Irish 
(Harper & Row), Thomas J. O'Hanlon 
has done one hell of a fine job of skewer- 
ing Ireland. dean through, revealing the 
dichotomy of a land that can one moment 
explode with “bombings so powerful that 
the victims become unidentifiable blobs of 
flesh to be scooped with brush 
into plastic bags like offa 
the next, spin tales of fairy rings and 
leprechauns, “This book is а patient, lov- 
ing, nerve-jangling. benevolent, but, 1 
hope, objective portrait of a people who 
are wandering around slightly dazed after 
а head-on collision with the 20th Cen- 
comments the author, Head-on 
collision is right. Where but in Ireland 
could you find a ludicrously low suicide 
tous of the de 
friends and relatives, never 
е of death to suicide, even. 


wrote 


ceaseds' 
be the 


as- 


boule of poison or hı 
locked room. The Irish is “about a people 
who have developed an admirable instinct 
for the art of survival.” 
Haugh, Read it and weep. 

If we knew as much about the ph 
ology of sex as do Masters and Johnson, 
would we beter understand the curious 
relationship between fucking and fuck- 
ing up? Dr. William Н. Masters and 
Virginia E. Johnson think so. In The 
Pleasure Bond (Little, Brown), they come 
in from the cold gray light of clinical 
research to examine the need for emo- 
tional commitment and to share with us 
the sexual histories of numerous men 
and women who wander in and out of 
five "symposiums"—ranging from extra 
marital sex to second 


marriages, with 
pauses in between for swinging and, of 
course, women's liberation. All things 
considered, we might expect a refreshing 
ntidote to the drivel of Dr. Reuben, 


5 


rap sessions with g ай of 
strained informality g goes, they 


say, so long as the people who are screw- 
ing on the ceiling or in the refrige 
care for each other and do not view sex 
s а service to be charted, calculated and 
billed to the recipient. "As you are giv- 
ing you are also getting,” Masters in- 
forms one couple. But, as it develops, he 


and wife Vi a give nothing of them- 
selves, open up no areas of their own 
lives for the purpose of comparison and 
contrast. What they offer. instead, are 
icy analyses of other people’s hang-ups 
While that enforced detachment may 
be well suited to the laboratory, it be 
comes a trifle stiff in the context of a 
group conversation. And their plea for 
responsiveness seems, well, hardly origi 
nal. Still, this husband-and-wife team 
knows every prick song and descant in 
ihe sexual repertoire, and their casual 
asides offer fascinating bits of informa. 
tion. We learn, for instance, that after 
n moves in her sleep to 
touch the male, who stays put. And we 
discover, through them. that a female's 
sexual pleasure usually increases alter 
childbirth duc to an increased blood flow 
to the pe Now at work on a 
lengthy investigation of homosexuality. 
Masters and Johnson perhaps published 
The Pleasure Bond to remind us that, in 
the interim, they are alive and well- 
meaning. They have done no serious 
damage to their considerable reputations 
as social scientists, but we come away 
with a feeling, for better or worse, that 
they are more scientific than social. 


son was brainwashed in his 
youth by N Socialism and then by 
East German communism. And, though 
he now lives in West Berlin, his repudia- 
tion of both dogmas has made him no 
champion of Western politics. either 
Johnson rebels against all dogma and 
Anniversaries (Harcourt Brace Jovanovich) 
he directs his biting wit at that revered 
dogma carrier, The New York Times. Vis 
protagonist, Gesine Cresspahl, a German 
émigrée who left East Germany and now 
works in a New York bank, religiously 


Uwe Joh 


reli; 


eads the Times as her primer to American 
life. The paper, always anxious to be of 
int 


vice, like an old-maid 
war, racism, rental ads, etc, and becomes 
in effect another main character. As Ge- 
sine reads, she remains silent, and the om- 
niscient author intrudes: “Why do you 
remain silent, Gesine?” he asks. She re- 
plies, “Lets not get involved"—a cruel 
echo from Hitler's Germany. Johnson 
forces the issue. He is compelled to un- 
derstand his own past as well. Unrelent- 
ingly, he assembles a collage of broken 
lines of dialog, pictorial images, nagging 
memories, brazen headlines and news 
clips, and stories that altern 
past and present, gripping you by their 
narrative power alone. The skillfully 
devastating voie and the ingenious as- 
semblage give a stunning authority to his 
merciless vision. Surely, in Plato's Repub- 
lic, Uwe Johnson would have been 
banished. 


serves up 


te between 


Way back before Christmas, when Reck 
Dreams (Popular Library) came out (with a 
whopping 400,000 first printing), the pub- 
lishers, with much ballyhoo and press- 


agented fanfare, exhibited the original 
Guy Peellacrt photo collages at а down- 
town-New York gallery. Though regular 
art patrons might have attended, the 
people who queued up for a whole city 
block (“to view the remains,” as one acer 
bic critic wrote) were, for the most part, 
men and women in their early 30s, looking 
sartorially dated in their mid-Sixties fash- 
ions. A surprising number brought their 
children with them. and one tot in a KEE 
ON тарскіх, Tshirt was heard asking his 
aging. longhaired father why they were 
there in the first place. “A lot of the 
people in these pictures were my heroes 
when I was а kid," the father replied. To 
which the tot rejoindered: “Daddy, how 
could you like such ugly people?” Wheth- 
cr or not Peellaer's illustrations (it's 
really hard to categorize them as art) are 
ugly, they certainly are Jurid, and to any- 
one who grew up with the mythology of 
rock, they're thrillingly tacky. Janis lies 
nauscatingly drunk in a motel room. Jim 
Morrison is the object of Icering old 
queens in a leather bar. The Stones, in 
garter-belt drag, look like 
sions of the Holy Family in Bolivi 
gious postcards. Most of the other il 
lustrations show the rock stars as fallen 
angels, androgynous monsters in a rev- 
crent nightmare (the black side of dreams, 


after айу in а style reminiscent of the 
sentimental, tinted movie posters of the 


Тіс or the cheap John Е. Kennedy 
memorial throw rugs ‘still available in 
certain novelty stores in the Latin sec 


tions of New York. Nik Cohn’s bricf but 
savage commentary suggests that rock 
might have been a more fragile art form 
than we imagined and thar its stars were, 
for the most part, beautiful Christmas- 
tree ornaments: gorgeous and lumines- 
cent when they adorned the tree and 
nothing but scattered pieces of plastic 
when shattered. 

_ Some pundits claim that Rock Dreams 
signifies the end of the age of freaks, but 
another recent and captivating book be- 
lies that premise. In an odd sense, Pumping 
fron (Simon & Schuster) is a fine com- 
panion volume to Rock Dreams. Freak 


Walker Red bottle | 


Only a master blender with 
years of priceless knowledge can 
make every single drop of 
Johnnie Walker Red taste the 
same year after year. 

He has to have over forty of 
Scotland's finest whiskies at his 
commard all of the time to 
achieve the smooth, satisfying 
flavor that has made this the 
world's favorite bottle of Scotch. 

Anybody with a bottle cutter 
can get the rocks in. 


Say Johnnie Walker Red? 
You wont get it 
| byjust saying Scotch? 


PLAYBOY 


26 


can be a synonym for subculture. The 
pop-music subculture has mass appeal. 
Others, such as midget wrestling and fire 
cating, are more esoteric. Novelist Charles 
Gaines and photographer George Butler 
are pioncers in the almost primeval world 
of body building (pumping iron means 
lifting weights). Concentrating on big 
stars such as Arnold Schwarznegger and 


Mike Kats, Gaines (whose Stay Hungry 


is certainly the best novel ever about body 
building and one of the best recent novels 
about anything) manages to bare the soul 
of the bodybuilders and is able to draw 


their most secret thoughts from them. 
Schwarznegger tells Gaines about pump- 
ng his musdes: "We say you have to 
admit that a good pump is better than 
coming. Somebody off the street wouldn't 
understand that, but sometimes a pump 
is the best feeling you can have. 


You'll love this one: Two of the Missing: 
Reminiscence of Some Friends in the War 
(Coward, McCann & Geoghegan). The 
journalist as punk, Viemam as a kind of 
Disneyland Deliverance, the war, like 
good whore. made me а man—the worst 
ind of bullshit. The titular two are Sean 
Flynn (son of Enol) and Dana Stone. 
both photographers, both presumed killed 
in Vietnam. 1 hey may not have been the 
vicious romantic adolescents that author 
Perry реше Young makes them out to 
be: there is a strong suspicion that they 
are just stick figures manipulated to 
conform with what Young's fantasy con- 
structs. He seems to believe that the Viet 
nam war existed so that Americans could 
come to grips with the reality of absurd- 
ity. (It’s good to turn it around, picture 
a Vietnamese soldier striding down a 
street littered with bodies in, say. Hous- 
ton, musing to himself, “Funny, I don't 
feel а thing.”) There are no Vietnamese 
in this book, except corpses and bar 
girls; there is no sense of place. Come to 
think of it, there's nothing to read at all 


in this book. Young strings words like 
play money, cardboard chips, unweighted, 
unfreighted, as barren as his vision. There 
is too much being pi 
don't need silly books about Vietnam: 
Flynn and Stone (who were at least 
courageous) don't need this kind of fawn- 
ing epitaph. No, you won't love this one. 

“It's easy to see why Red Justice com- 
mands respect from the other drivers. He 
goes deeper into the turns than any of 
them and comes out quicker.” This i 
one major reason why stock-car racing is 
а lot more important down South than 


things like Watergate and the Golan 
Heights. Jerry Bledsoe tells a lot about 


stock-car racing in The World's Number One 
Flat Out, All Time Great, Stock Car Racing Book 
(Doubleday). Another tidbit he reveals i 
what it takes to be а beauty que 
side. Simple: big tits. If anythitig, he tells 
you a lot more about racing Шап you 
really need, or care, to know. In fact, the 
book is so eclectic that most of it will sail 
right over the heads of ай but the most 
avid race Гап. But even for the gung-ho 
racer, there's a 100 much 
tack promoters and fins and preachers 
and too little about the one thing we all 
really want to know more about: the driv- 
ers. And de 
the 
of rac 


iule abour 


nitely too little about some of 
ques and physical sensations 
and off the track. 
There аге references w great and wor 
drous things. such as the bootleg turn, 
but it leaves the reader wanting to know 
a whole lot more. Like how to do it. Hell, 


techn 


n both on 


there are going to be people all over 
America fucking up bootleg turns. But 


to real race fan 


. a large chunk of the 
book's charm is explained in the closin, 
paragraph: “The stock-c 
American cowboy. There aren't any 
new frontiers, not even the moon any- 
more. The only thing left for these guys 
is to go a little deeper into the first turn." 
It's just too bad Bledsoe doesn’t get very 
deeply into their heads, 

Naturally, we ате fond of Vladimir 
bokov. Why по? After all, the old 
man's 75 and everybody loves а literar 
giant. But there are limits, and Tyrants 
Destroyed (McGraw-Hill), a collection of 
short stories, goes beyond several of them. 
Unless you are obsessive about Nabokov, 
you might find the never-ending indexing 
of his work a bit tedious. Of course, thes 
stories are good. (Опе, A Nursery Tale. 
won a 1974 Playboy Writers Award; an- 
other, The Admiralty Spire, was pub- 
lished in PLAnov last month.) But that's 
not enough for the great crossword-puzzle 
car. He has to introduce each of the 13 
pieces with newer and more involuted 
treasure maps of his private linguistic 
maze. "In this story," he writes of The 
Vane Sisters (published in English in 
1959), “the narrator is supposed to be 


ar driver is the 


new 


unaware that his last paragraph has been 
used acrostically by two dead girls.” Ul- 
timately, one is moyed to ask, “So what?" 


MOVIES 


The siga of the Corleone family re- 
sumes at andante tempo in The Godfather 
Рат П, writerdirector Francis Ford Cop- 
poles three-hour-plus epic describin 
what happens to the Godfather cla 
er Brando. Though it’s a tough act to 
follow, even. Brando's role as Don Vito 
Corleone is reprised in a series of flask 
backs. occasionally awkward or irrelevant, 
hyped by Robert De Niro's vital рога 
of the young Vito as a Sicilian immigrant 
with a taste for power. There's far less 
violent action and old-fashioned excite- 
ment than in the original, because Cop 
pola (in collaboration with Mario Puzo) 
chose to shape the sequel as a deeply 
shadowed. almost operatic study of a 
crumbling family dynasty. Replete with 
another eloquent musical score by Nino 
Kota. Part H rates а lower mark as sheer 
entertainment but a big A for integrity 
on a project obviously initiated to milk 
а hot property bone-dry. The cast of char 
acters at center stage is essentially the 
same, led by Al Pacino in а brilliant en- 
Corleone, 


се as Michael 


core perform 


along with Robert Duvall as the con- 
siglieve, Morgana King as Mama Corle- 
one, 1 hael's bitterly 


disillusioned wife, Talia Shire as his 
neurotic thrice-married sister and John 
ale. a scene stealer as the eldest and 
the weakest Corleone son. One welcome 
addition to the ranks is Actors Studio's 
Lee Strasberg, pungently playing a Jewish 
crime czar named Hyman Roth as if he 
hoped to be mistaken for the Mafia's own 
Meyer Lansky. A power struggle between 
Michacl and Roth provides a semblance 
of plot upon which Coppola works intri 
cate variations. Pacino as Michael hı 
become a cool and ruthless predaror— 
buying up judges and Congressmen, rub- 
bing out or ruining any man who ques- 
tions his authority, claiming victims at 
his whim, all ostensibly in defense of the 
family’s honor. Moving from New York 
to Las Vegas. from Cuba during the era 
of Batista’s downfall to а Washington, 
D.C., caucus room, where a Senate com- 
nittee carries on a futile probe of organ- 
ized crime, Godfather Part II is more 
ambitious and cynical, but also more 
diffuse, than its brash forebe: Hi 
sweeping social landscape is the thing. 
with the players moved like pawns 
through an ancient drama of retributive 
vengeance. Every new horror se 
evitable, because the characters believe it 
so. And in the dimly lit, overheated rooms 


ms in- 


where their intrigues are hatched, dne- 
matographer Gordon Willis catches pre- 
cisely the insular claustrophobic air of a 
feudal castle full of fearful and suspi. 
20th Century Borgias. Gone are the cozy 


Almost everyone at the 


Find the one who doesn't. 
1. Nope. He's Harmon Nee. 
Gimmick: His singing voice, 
thatscunds like two chalkelates mating. Even his cigarette sings 
—every time he inhales, its multiple filter whistles "Dixie." 2. Not 
Laura Enertia, beach queen. Gimmick: More movable parts than 
a Swiss watch. Has a waiting list for crew when she surfs. Smokes 
Ms. feminist cigarettes—whose taste just msses, too. 3. Not 
"Ви" Gene Biceps. Gimmick: His waterproof makeup. Doesn't 


beach today has a gimmick. 


01974 R. J. Reynolds Tobacco Co. 


always hold arms that way—this morning he mistook spray starch 
for his underarm deodorant. Smokes his fat cigars down so far, 
the ashes drop behind his teeth. 4. No. He's Hugh Midity. Formerly 
Channel 58's Whistling Weatherman. Lost his job because 

the weather didn't agree with him. Smokes Sub-Zero icy Е 


menthol cigarettes. Feels like he has a cold front right under 
his nose. 5. Right. He came here to cool off, nol show off. No 


gimmicks in his cigarette, either. Smokes аасы 
CAMEL FILTERS. Rich, flavorful smoking, mm 
Without coming on strong. 6. Unidentified e 
frying object. 


Camei Filters. CAMEL 


They're not for everybody ESSE 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined | 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. | 


[but they could be for you}. 


19 mg. “tar”, 13 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FIC "5 ocr. ‘74 


PLAYBOY 


28 


scenes 
seem- 
ingly 
satu- 
rated with the 
aroma of home cook- 
ing—this remote don's 
castle is a heavily fortified Xan- 
adu where men, women and children 
serve Ше sentences, Skeptics who thought 
the first Godfatler's progeny too lovable 
ized will find no further cause 
t the Corleones are mere- 
ly the Waltons in wolf's clothing. The 
second time around, Coppola has caught 
them red-handed 


ча 


Stardust charts the further adventures of 
a British pop-rock superstar of the Sixti 
(played by David Essex, a rock star in his 
own right) whose working-class origins 
were the subject of an earlier English hit. 
film titled That'll Be the Day, not yet 
widely shown on this side of the A 
tic. Taking over where his predecessor, 
Claude Whatham, left off, director Mi- 
chacl Apted—a British-T V alumnus with 
one minor film (Triple Echo) to his 
credit—has brought off a skin-decp but 
sharply etched series of show-stopping vi- 
gnettes that often resemble A Hard Days 
Night revisited. The vencer of glamor and 
heady success is still visible but flawed by 
ania, drugs, groupies and ruth- 
tion. As kingpin of a dyna- 
mite rock group called The Stray Cats, 
whose names and faces become youth-cult 
;ymbols ally overnight, Essex as Jim 


MacLainc (note a passing resemblance to 
nt- 


Paul McCartney) ends up a lonely, f. 
ly ludicrous recluse in a castle in Spa 
semireured with his faithful manager 
(stunningly played by Adam Faith). ? 
Laine's farewell performance—and, in- 
cidentally, а deft satire of pop-culture 
pretensions by director Apted. rock 
oratorio about the Glory of Woman, 
complete with a choir of vestal virgins in 
white, televised world-wide for some 
300,000,000 viewers. Behind the scenes, 


in contrast, Stardust explores the tacky 
truth of a showbiz milieu expressed by 
Have you ever tried mufi- 
in a bathtub in a British Railways 
hotel?” Larry Hagman (as à manipula- 
tive entertainment tycoon), French movie 
newcomer Ines des Longchamps (as a 
girl MacLaine loses along the way) 
and The Who drummer 
Keith Moon (as the 
groups drummer, 
ol course) stand out 
as potential survi- 
vors among the Six- 
ties freaks that Stardust 
: if they were 
s of a species 
seriously threatened, if 
jj not already extinct 
7 


Two noteworthy new 
documentarics explore the 
animal world with excep- 
tional sensitivity as well as an 
eye for telling detail. The more 
1 of the duo is Beautiful 
People, which represents four years 
J of wi 4 100,000 miles of 

/ trekking through the wilds 
/ of southern Africa by Jamie 
Uys who wrote, produced, 
directed, photographed and 
edited the film. Uys's study of 
life in the vast, parched Na- 
mib and Kalahari deserts is 
scenically spectacular as well 
as ecologically enlightened, 
flawed only by the usual tend- 
ency of such films to force а 
Disneyish note of anthropo- 
morphic cuteness. Music hath 
charms to dull the savage 
beast—particularly when a 
selection of all-time classics is 
sneaked onto the sound track. 

ansform fascinating ai 


// 
// 


some ballet for birds, baboons 
or what have you. The splen- 
did work the director 
Africa regist 

tertainment on. па à sequence in 
which a dozen species of furred and feath- 
ered wild things get roaring drunk on fer: 
mented berries needs no help from a 
symphony orchestra. Otherwise, beautiful. 
Birds Do It, Bees Do И begins with Bobby 
Shorts smooth rendition of that Cole 
Porter standard about love, and it be- 
comcs apparent immediately that this 
David L. Wolper presentation concen- 
trates upon animals’ sex lives rather than 
their migratory habits or territorial im- 
peratives. With scarcely a jot of irrele- 
vant fiddling around, Birds... Bees... 


shows how penguins, bison, wasps, 
snakes, grebes, giant tortoises, lions, 


elephants and even snails do it (all snails 
have dual sex and do it quite poetically, 
despite the presence of Wolper's inde- 
fatigable camera crews). “The great im 
personal machine of reproduction" 


turns out to be a miraculous topic for a 
movie loaded with humor, cruelty, love, 
fierce competition and blunt but end- 
lessly fascinating facts of life. The film 
ends on a nightmarish 1954 note depict- 
ing the future in store for a world that 
found the hydrogen bomb and is about 
to unlock the ultimate secrets of selective 
breeding. A baby mouse conceived and 
nurtured in a testtube womb figures 
prominently in the supporting cast of 
Birds Do It, Bees Do It. If there were 
a booby prize for the mating game's 
least enviable players, however, the nod 
should go to a couple of adult male hu- 
mans employed by a superscientific 
cattle-breeding establishment. One of 
these gents (wearing ап arm'slengih 
plastic glove) plants sperm from the 
sperm bank into pregnable cows that will. 
never meet a bull, while his collabora- 
tor hasan even more 
wretched job as 


sperm catcher—wielder of a plastic va- 
gina poised inside a motorized tractor 
covered with cowhide to entice a rutting 
bull. Wolper reveals a strong preference 
for the joys of animal instinct over push- 
button parenthood. We're with him. 


Try to picture Jack Palance in a droll 
parody of his Mr. Mean image as Vic 
Morono, a Th mobster whose office 
walls are lined with a complete set of Big 
Little Books (Batman appears to be his 
favorite). Morono’s best girl is a slum- 
ming socialite named Wendy Ritten- 
house (Carol Lynley), his archenemy is 
Chico Hamilton (Warren Berlinger), his 
biographer a mild-mannered newsman 
named Russ Timmons (Adam Roarke). 
Put them all together, they spell The Four 
Deuces, which is what Morono calls 
nightdub H.Q. and what director 


Photographed at Smiths Cove, Nova Scotis. 


Canada at its best. 


Try the light, smooth whisky that’s becoming America’s favorite Canadian. 
Imported Canadian Mist. 


IMPORTED BY BROWN-FORMAN DISTILLERS IMPORT COMPANY, N.Y., N.Y., CANADIAN WHISKY--A BLEND, 80 OR 86.B PROOF, © 1974. 


PLAYBOY 


30 


The denim tells you 


it’s styled right. 
Our ae tells you 
it's made right. 


Blue-sueded cowhide foot. And a 12-inch denim 
top. This classic denim look is a good réason why 
denim boots are as big as they are today. 

And because this boot is from Acme, you know it's 
carefully made with the best denim. And you know 
it's priced to leave you with some cash in your jeans. 
It's boots like this that have helped make Acme the 


world's biggest bootmaker. аме 


more boot for less bucks. 


Dept. ADS, Clarksville. Tenn, 37040, A subsidiary of Northwest Industries, Inc. 


William Н. Bushnell, Jr. and scenarist 
C. Lester Franklin call this amiable low- 
budget spoof of every gangster hero from 
Cagney to Pacino. Chock-full of cartoon 
titles seemingly pilfered from Dick Tracy 
(let Palance/Morono pull his society heir- 


ess into д carnal embrace on the bed up- 


stairs, a title is sure to interrupt wit 
"Meanwhile, Chico enters from the rear"). 
Four Deuces is cheeky. a bit racy, dead ac- 
curate in its satirical aim and apt to strike 
observant movie Бий» as а comedy slecp- 
cr. Оп Deuces turf, gang war between 
Vic and Chico consists largely of squab- 
bling over a classy chantootsie to adorn 
their respective clubs. E. J. Peaker 
plays—with beautiful mock pathos—the 
doomed songbird whose carcer explodes 
into an epitaph. Palance, Roarke and 
company all deliver performances in per 
fect time with the Mickey Mouse music 
таш 


ов the sound wack. Scene by 


scene, the movie is an c 


of amusing 
арс (by Ste- 
shades of nicotine blue. 


wtdeco tinsel, photog 


phen Kav) 


Everything looks authentically old and 
played straight, but don't let that fool 
you. Four Deuces opens а new 


th 


grad 


me by 


ving its nose with bright under- 
aı Hollywood's stubborn 
passion for nostal 


c 


Robert Redford narrates Broken Treaty ot 
Battle Mountain, producer-director Joel L. 
Freedman’s humane and bittersweet doc- 
umentary about the Shoshoni Indians of 
Nevada, who claim more than 24,000,000 
acres of the state as theirs under an ir- 
revocable 1863 treaty with the U.S. 
Government. With its gallery of faces 
uttering ancient ecological wisdom ("We 
pray for green mountains and nice clean 
water’), the film makes a strong case for 
the Indians as а poetic, defeated people 
up a: rm stuff and double 
talk by cynical Washington bureaucrats. 


At thi: a James Bond 
movie is not something to quibble over; 


point in 1 


you take it or leave it, like Coca-Cola 
and Cracker Jacks. Ninth in the series, 
and the second time at bat for Roger 
Moore as 007, The Man with the Golden Gun 
marks but one significant change in the 
screen image ol lan Fleming's legendary 
hero: Though he devotes himself to non- 
stop innuendo with lots of beautiful 
women (mainly Maud Adams and Britt 
Ekland), Moore's Bond almost appears to 
be giving up sex; he doesn't score until 
the final fade-out. Theres plenty of 
enemy action, however, most of it set 
amid the Oriental splendors of Bangkok 
and Hong Kong and stemming from 
Bond's hunt lor a miraculous solar- 
energy device called the Solex Agitator. 
The guy who has it is the malevolent 
Scaramanga (played by Christopher Lec), 
a professional assassin whe 
paying a cool million to hit 007. Вис 
who would pay so much to assasinate 
him? Bond wonders modestly. “Jealous 


someone is 


husbands, outraged chefs and humiliated 
tailors,” snaps M, the cranky chief of 
British Intelligence. As the plot begins 
to thicken, Bond encounters another 


villain yclept Hai Fat (whose swimming 
pool contains an Oricntal cupcake called 
Chew Me) and a snobbish С 
steward, pushing a local vino labeled 
Phuyuck '74. Beyond the reduction of 


sack time (with a lot of kung fu fighting 
to take up the slack), there are no esen- 
tial changes in a sure-fire formula that 
director Guy Hamilton perfected as far 
back as Goldfinger. 


Exotic Bangkok, of all places. is the 
setting for Emmanuelle, a lushly photo- 
phed and sleekly erotic box-office 
phenomenon that broke records in its 
native France—outgrossing Last Tango 
in Paris, for example—then scored an 
equal smash in London, where movie 
goers instantly began queuing up to see 
the film version of a scandalous French 
best seller. Emmanuelle in book form 
was banned by the De Gaulle govern- 
ment, but France today enjoys a new 
climate of permissiveness that diminishes 
the shock value of an anonymous confes 
sion story, sai 
(under the nom de plume Emmanuelle 


id to have been writen 


Arsan) by a French diplomat's wife 
Director Just Jaeckin—a top fashion 
photographer before he became 
lionaire peddling sex—knows precisely 
how to pose gorgeous people against gor 
geous backgrounds to create a heady 
mixture of glamor, sensuality and soft 
core raunch that stirs the senses without 
quite violating the impeccable good taste 
that remains one of France's major ex 
ports. Connoisseurs of American porn 
will find the skin shots very tame, yet 
Emmanuelle exudes an air of chic that 
may attract both Harpers Bazaar brows- 
ers (at least the hornier ones) and the 
sort of closet voyeurs who might come 
out for a movie as stylishly romantic as 
A Man and a Woman—with a few of 
The Devil in Miss Jones's low jinks dis 
creetly hinted at. 1f noth 
film launches the career of 


mil 


else, the 


Эше ога 
Sylvia Kristel, а nymphet whose sex 
appeal as the titular heroine lies some 
where in the Leslie 
range. Director Jaeck 
charm to the utmost from the moment 
she lands i 


on-Jane Fonda 


1 exploits Sylvia's 


1 Bangkok, as an eager young 
ited with her swinging diplo- 
mat husband (Daniel Sarky), who quickly 
points out, “Jealousy is a thing of the 
past.” Other wives in the diplomatic corps 
hasten to add: "Here, our only enemy 
is boredom . . . we ward it off by making 
love" Emmanuellés chosen partu 
eventually indude a jaded wife (Jeanne 
Golletin), a stunning blonde archacolo- 
gist (Marika Green), opium dealers, n 
tive thugs and an aging roué (Al 
Cuny) who scems to function as the high 
priest of eroticism for Bangkok's restless 
French colony. As the picture progresses 


bride re 


The Dingo Leisure Boot. 


When yov're going casual 
don't drag your feet. 


Now that you're wearing the new leisure suits and 
other leisure clothes, don't forget your feet. The 
footwear that goes with the casual look is Dingo 
Leisure Boots. Like this rugged denim boot, with blue- 
sueded foot, denim top and slanted heel. 

And because it's from Acme, the world's biggest 
bootmaker, ypu know it's made carefully, аз а good 
boot should be made. And priced reasonably, asa 
good boot should be priced. 

The Dingo Leisure Boot. It gives you that Leisure 
Look right down to your toes. $ 


more boot for less bucks.’ 
\ 


Ме also mate Acme" ond Hawkeye” boots. For the store nearest you. write: Асте Boot Co., Ic., 
Dept. DD7, Clarksville, Tenn. 37040. A subsidiary of Northwest Industries, Inc. 


THE SEX BOOK 


BIKE PICTORIAL ERCYCLOPERA 


Playboy Book Club 


903 THE MOVIE BOOK 
Steven H. Scheuer 
(Fub. Price 519,95) 
Huge, authoritative, 
candid, comprehensive 
history: over 300 superb, 
таге photos 

(Counts as two books) 
976 ALIVE 

Piers Paul Read 

(Fub, Price 510,00) 
Heroes of the Andes 
crash; one cf the great 
true survival stories ol 
all time 

112 DIVING 
COMPANIONS 


ippe Oiol 
(Pub. Price 51095) 
Teming the sea lion, 
elephant seal, walrus. 
145 action photographs 
809 PLAYBOY'S 

HOST & BAR BOOK 
‘Thomas Mario 

(Pub. Price $14.95) 

For the superhost— 
Muustrated 

(Counts as two books) 
986 LIKE IT IS 
Howard Cosell 

(Pub. Price $8.95) 
Candid, controversial, 
'explcsivo, entertaining 


991 THE OOGS OF WAR. 
Frederick Forsyth 

(Pub. Price $7.05) 
Bestselling novel of 
Suspense, intrigue 

883 THE POLICE 
GAZETTE 

Gene Smith and Jayne 
Barry Smith, eds. 

(Pub. Price $12.50) 
Crimes. passions, 
disasters, sports of 

Gay Nineties— illustrated 
(Counts as two books) 


x 


The 
Golden ... 


t Sca 


886 PLAYBOY'S 
BOOK OF 
FORBIDOEN WORDS 
Robert A. Wilson, ed. 
(Pub. Price 58.95) 
Liberated dictionary 


881 THE GREAT 
RACING CARS 

A DRIVERS. 

Charles Fox. 

(Pub. Price $17.95) 
The top thrills trom 
1914 to today, with 
240 action photos 
(Counts as two books) 
ВЭТ THE APRIL GAME 
“Diogenes” 

(Pub. Price $7.95) 
Secrets of an interno! 
Revenue agent 

876 SEX IN THE 
EXECUTIVE SUITE 

H. Paul Jeffers and 
Dick Levitan 

(Pub. Price $7.95) 
Shocking, true! 

982 GOO SAVE 

THE PLAYERS 

Neil Offen 

(Pub, Price $7.95) 
Funny, crazy, sometimes 
violent word of 
American Sports tans 
915 HOW TO ВЕ 
FUNNY IN YOUR 
OWN LIFETIME 

Bill Adler 

(Pub. Price $7.95) 
Over 1000 jokes: 

wit sharpener for 
every occasion 

903 KILLER 
Autobiography of a 
Hit Man for the Mafia 
Joey with Oave Fisher 
(Pub. Price $8 95) 
From “muscle work” to 
murder? Chilling, true 
story of crime network 


982 5010 
Harry Roskolenko, ed. 
{ри Price S705) 

18 daring exploits 

by men alone 
lilustrated 

950 THE TOWER 
Richard Martin Stern. 
(Pub. Price $7.95) 
Siyscraper infemo is 
Selling for tense," 
gripping novel 

994 LAOIES ANO 
GENTLEMEN 

LENNY BRUCE!! 
Albert Goldman 

(Pub. Price $10.00) 
Frank, hilarious 
shocking true story: 

E pages of photos 


118 NIGHT CROSSING 
Ken Kolb 

(Pub. Price $8.95) 
High-velocily novel 

of action, humor, 
suspense, surprise 
115 OIL 

Jonathan Black 

(Pub, Prce $8.95) 
Lusty, powerful, 
compelling novel of 
international intrigue. 
973 HIT #29 _ 
Joey with Dave Fisher 
(Pub. Price 57.95) 
Most intimate and 
appalling иие account 
of a killer at work 

757 SEX AMERICAN 
STYLE 


109 ALPHABET JACKSON Frank Robinson and 


Jack Olsen 
(Pub. Price $7.95) 

Wild, hitarious, ribald 
exciting and authentic 
pro-foottall novel 

114 WHO DID WHAT 
Gerald Howat, ed. 

(Fub. Price $12.95) 
Biographical dictionary 
015000 men and women 
who shaped our werld: 
450 illustrations 

(Counts as two bocks) 
116 THE POLITICS 

OF RAPE 

Oiana Е.Н. Russell 
(Fub. Price $10.00) 

80 victims frankly 
describe воза! assaults 
and their aftermath 

117 THE PIN UP. 

Ralph Stoin 

(Pub. Price $17.95) 
From 1852 to now, the 
female form divine— 

in Sparkling text and 
200 extraordinary pholos 
(Counts as two books) 


Nat Lehrman. eds. 
(Pub, Price S7 50) 
From PLAYBOY 


882 A SURGEON'S 
RLO 


William A. Nolen, М.О. 
(Pub. Price S795) 

Frank, fascinating, 
eye-opening account 
975 SEXUAL BEHAVIOR 
IN THE 19705 

Morlon Hunt 

(Put. Price 510.95) 
Where America is at— 
sexually; most extensive 
report since Kinsey 

949 THE MANNINGS 
Fred Mustard Stewart 
(Pub. Price $8.95) 

Lively, engrossing 
blockbuster novel 

of American tycoon. 


940 COSELL 
Howard Cosel 


“аз enter (aining as ils 
subject" — Book World 


119 BABE RUTH 
His Ше & Legend 
Kal Wagenheim 
(Pub. Price $8.95) 
Alf the action, drama, 
humor, tustiness of 
Babe's exciting ife 
Mlustrated 


901 TOTAL ORGASM, 
Jack Lee Rosenberg 
Tlustrations by 
Joseph Јади; 

(Pub, Price $5.95) 
Mlustrated guide to 
sexual fulfillment 

870 THE PLAYBOY 
GOURMET 

Thomas Mario 

(Pub. Price $15.95) 
Delighting the sensual 
palate- Illustrated 
(Counls es two books) 


853 COSMOPOLITAN'S 
LOVE BOOK 

(Pub. Price $5.95) 

А quide to ecstasy in bed. 
969 SUPER HANDYMAN'S 
ENCYCLOPEDIA OF 
HOME REPAIR HINTS 

Al Carrell 

(Pub, Price $7.95) 
Hundreds of labor-saving. 
money-saving ideas 

863 THE ART OF 
SENSUAL MASSAGE 
Inkeles, Todris. 

& Foothorap 
(Pub. Price 37.95) 
Explicit photographic 
guide 

997 THE GOLOEN SEA 
Joseph E. Brown 

(Pub. Price 516.95) 
Complete story of man's 
underwater adventures, 
gient, deluxe volume. 

64 pages in full color 
(Counts as two books) 


Offers Rare 


805 GRAFFITI 
Robert Reisner 
(Pub. Price $6.95) 


and shockers 


701 BODY LANGUAGE 
Julius Fast 

(Pub. Price 56,95) 

Unravels the secret 
Messages sent by 
strangers, intimates 

962 WAR 

A Protographic History 
Text by Albert Н. Leventhal 
(Pub. Price $16.95) 

АШ the ware tho camera 
has ever seen 

(Counts as two books) 

784 THE SEX BOOK 
Goldstein, Haeberle 

в McBride 

(Pub. Price $12 50) 
Pictorial encyclopedia— 
“revolutionary” bestseller 
995 ALL THE 
PRESIDENT'S MEN 
Bernstein & Woodward. 
and THE PRESIDENTIAL 
TRANSCRIPTS: 
(Combined Pub. Price $11.40) 
The dynamite story and 

the secrot Nixon tapes 
(Both books count as а 
Single selectron) 

107 PLAYBOY'S BOCK 

OF WINE 

Peter A. Gillette and 

Раш Gillette 

(Pub. Price 517.95) 

Most handsome, honest. 
informative quide; 

deluxe, large format, 

over 200 color photos 
(Counts as two books) 

954 PRIMAL SENSUALITY 
Paula Newhorn 

(Pub. Price S6. 
New horizons and 
explorations for lovers 


Diving 
Companions 


Jacques. Yves 
С 


Reading Entertainment for Men 
Introductory offer: Choose any 4 books for only $2.95 


(Value up to $45.80) when you agree to become a member of Playboy Book Club 


Just as PLAYBOY is different from all other magazines, 
Playboy Book Club is different from all other book clubs. 
Itis a book club designed by our editors to match your 
tastes, your life-style, your point of view. 

In the pages of PLAYBOY we bring you the finest 
and most provocative articles and fiction by many of the 
world's most prominent writers. Now we will make avail- 
able to you—al significant savings—what we consider 
the most candid, contemporary, swinging and thought- 
provoking books of permanent value published this year. 

And we'll offer you a wide choice of books at savings 
up to 33 percent under retail prices. The best from the 
publishing world selected for you by PLAYBOY editors 

Playboy's Choice, an illustrated monthly bulletin, 
will describe our editors’ selections. Your only obligation 
is to add as few as four Club Selections (or Alternates) 
to your library during the first year. (Sorry, but orders 
from outside the U.S. and Canada cannot be processed.) 

Remember, if you enjoy PLAYBOY, you belong in 
Playboy Book Club. Fill in the application today—and 
embark with us on a reading adventure that knows no 
boundaries 
Bonus: PLAYBOY'S GIFT PACK of three provocative 
paperbacks (a $2.85 value) yours FREE for prompt action. 


"Deluxe volumes count as two selections, Publishers" prices quoted are 
prices; Canadian prices may be slightly higher 


PLAYBOY BOOK CLUB an 


Lemoyne, Pa. 17043 


Please enroll me аз a member in the Playboy Book Club and send 
me the books whose numbers I have listed below, billing me only 
$2.35. І understand that some deluxe volumes count as two se- 
lections. 


V understand that for $2.95 | may choose books worth as much as 
545.80 and that you will also send Playboy's- Gift, Pack of three 
provocative paperbacks, a $2.85 value, as my free bonus for prompt. 
action 

1 understand that you will send me Playboy's Choice, the publi- 
| cation describing the Selections and Alternates, at three to four 


week intervals, together with a daled Member's Instruction Card 


lo me automat 
stand that Playboy's Choice is mailed in lime to allow me at least 
10 days to decide if 1 want the coming Selection, If, because of 
late mail delivery of Playboy's Choice, | should ever receve a 
Selection without having had the 10-day consideration period, that 
Selection may be returned at Club expense for full credit 

My only obligation as а member is to accept four Selections or 
Alternates during the coming year from the many titles olfered, Ny 
membership is cancelable any time after buying these four books 
In all cases, | will receive books identical to the publishers" editions: 
А modest postage end handling charge is added to all shipments. 


NAME 


{Please Print) 
ADDRESS 


env. STATE zip 


PLAYBOY 


PLAYBOY 


34 


from simple pleasures to an attempt 
at sexualphilosophical profundity, it 
becomes more tedious than titillating. 
And overblown dialog is a problem 
throughout, characterized by such. pearly 
banalities as, “А waterfall is only 
beautiful if 
you tell some- 
‘one you love 
about it.” The 
witand sophis- 
tication of 
Emmanuelle 
e prima- 
айу visual, 


summed. 


up by several droll seduction scenes, plus 
а sequence in which one of the heroine's 
free-spirited femme companions (Chris- 
tine Boisson) masturbates with a maga- 
zine photo of a grinning Paul Newman 
spread across her knee. The freakiest 
single shot fixes upon a nude Thai per- 
former whose specialty is vaginal ciga- 
тепе smoking. But the best of show by 
far is an episode aboard a Paris-Bang- 
kok jetliner, pairing Emmanuelle with 
two lucky fellow passengers—one takes 
her in the toilet—for a sky-high im- 
promptu that amounts to the subtest, 
randicst five minutes in the history of 
recent cinema, On the subject of scx, 
French savoirfaire is clearly alive and 
well and still thrashing around in Pari 
Meanwhile. hard-core sex films (partic- 
ularly the Made-in-U.S.A. variety) are 
given a lift of visual and verbal sop 
cation by The Private Afternoons of Pamela 
Mann. Director Henry Paris, working 
under a nom de film to avoid legal har- 
assment, is, in fact, an established movie- 
maker whose soft-core exploitation flicks 
are famous for their deluxe style. Paris 
lets all inhibitions tumble in Pamela 
Mann, starring а bountiful California 
blonde named Barbara Bourbon as a 
young Manhattan matron with plenty 
of free time for sexual experiments and 
random political activism. Politics, it 
turns out, is the film's socially redeeming. 
gambit—cleverly mocked by a femme 
reporter who often approaches Ms. 
Mann abed, or in telephone booths. to 
pop heavyweight questions about some 
global crisis. The rest of the time, our 
heroine eludes a private eye (Eric Ed- 
wards), hired by her husband, while dash- 
ing from rendezvous to rendezvous—in a 


fleabag bordello (with Georgina Spelvin), 
for example, or at the Plaza, where she 
sneaks into an anteroom for a fast bash. 
with the speaker invited to address a 
р If 
there is, indeed, a public primed and 
ready for hard-core movies with genuine 
talent and a bit of sparkle added to the 
usual quota of cum shots, Pamela Mann's 
premium-quality porn could become a 
taste test that finally separates the dirty 
old men from the healthily lusty girls 
and boys. 


RECORDINGS 


Red Queen to Gryphon Three (Bell) is 
Renaissance courtly love in a chemical 
cracking plant. The ancient griffin tore 
to pieces whatever crossed its path, and 
on side one, at least, Gryphon continues 
the tradition. Keyboard and guitar com- 
bine with bassoon, recorder and krum- 
horn to effect fantastical syntheses of 
Mozart and Cream, del and Quick- 
silver Messenger Service, as if the mythi- 
cal grifin must dance a stately pavan 
before vaporizing its lady into mustard 
gas. Opening Move and Second Spasm are 
the best adaptations of English Renais- 
sance music we've heard. Richard Har- 
vey's recorder work on Second Spasm is 
unsurpassable. Lament and Checkmate 
on side two, composed in the Russian 
romantic vein, are less convincing; but 
in hard times, half an interesting album 
seems better than none at all. 

Dixie lives! The World's Greatest Jozzband 
in Concert, Vol. Il ct Carnegie Hall (World 
Jazz) rates superlatives, not so much for 
the regular members of the band—Law- 
son, Haggart, Freeman, et al.—but for the 
special guest performers, Bobby Hacker 
and Maxine Sullivan. Sullivan is a 
marvelous surprise; after all these years, 
she is still a magnificent singer. Her four 
songs—4 Hundred Years from Today, 
The Lady Is a Tramp, I Gotta Right to 
Sing the Blues and Keeping Out of Mis- 
chief Now, the last two backed brilliantly 
by Hackett—make one wonder why she 
hasn't done more recording. The other 
high point is Hackett's performance оп 
When Your Lover Has Gone. The al- 
bum's available through the тай for 
six dollars from World Jazz Records, 
4350 E. Camelback Road, Suite 190C, 
Phoenix, Arizona 85018. 


Van Morrison has a new album— 
Veedon Fleece (Warner Bros) which he 
thinks contains his best work since Astral 
Weeks. We don't agree, being among the 
legion who believe that Moondance was 
one of the all-time perfect albums, fol- 
lowed somewhat by Tupelo Honey. The 
Morrison on those albums had a gift for 
writing "naturals"—songs that seemed to 


grow out of the wood and bronze of a 
Martin guitar, songs that were there to 
begin with, lying in wait for anyone with 
a flatpick and six-string. The songs on 
Veedon Fleece are accessible only if you 
happen to carry around one of the tight- 
est bands in  existence—with horns, 
strings, flutes and recorders complement- 
ing the usual assortment of drums, guitars 
and keyboards. The production cap- 
tures a precise and relaxed competence, 
akin to the title of one of the songs— 
You Don’t Pull No Punches, but You 
Don’t Push the River. Morrison has re- 
placed the dense chunky sound of a 
guitar strum with particles of music and 
fragmentary lyric. The topics are vin- 
tage—country fairs, comfort, strects, the 
beckoning gestures of love—but the ex- 
ecution is Jess focused. The man is a 
saxophone player at heart; the songs are 
ranged rather than written. Phrasing 
is more important than phrases. You can 


hear him trying out lyrical riffs, fingering 
syllables, testing words for sound value. 
Improvised language. The album is an 
education, to be sure. Buy a copy and 
listen, once or twice, to a lecture on ad- 
vanced music making. Then put on 
something you can play along to. 
Scratch the parodic surface of The Roto 
Rooter Good Time Christmas Band (Vanguard) 
and you discover a reverence for the 
Thirties and Forties popular tune that 
borders on the mystical. On one cut, the 
madcap L.A. musicians challenge the Om 
of Hindu chant with the oom-pah-pah 
of Beer Barrel Polka, And one need not 
be an Eohippus to understand the Dar- 
winian implications of the refurbished 
Forties tune Pico and. Sepulveda, which 


(© 1975-14. omotos тоссо со. 


To the 3,000,000 
people who started 
smoking this year. 


Despite all the arguments against smoking, one simple fact remains. 
Last year, three million people started to smoke. 

This year, the criticism will continue. And next year, too. But after all is 
said and done, another three million people will probably start smoking. 

Maybe the people who criticize smoking should stare the facts in the 
face. Then they might recommend that if you ve decided to smoke, but are 
concerned about ‘tar’ and nicotine, you might smoke Vantage. 

Vantage offers smokers the rich, tobacco flavor they've come to 
appreciate. With a substantial cut in ‘tar’ and nicotine. 

So if you're one of those smokers who is now deciding between high 
‘tar’ and nicotine cigarettes that taste good, and low gee, 
‘tar’ and nicotine cigarettes that taste like nothing, | VANTAGE | 
you might appreciate Vantage. 

Because Vantage is both high in flavor and 
low in ‘tar’ and nicotine. 

That's why so many people who have 
smoked for many years have switched VANTAGE | 
to Vantage. ^ AUS 0: e». 

And thats why, if you've just 
started to smoke this year, we suggest you 
try Vantage yourself. 


FILTER | 


OF ine uas LM 


M ns 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous toYour Health. Filter: 11 то. “tar”, 0.7 mg. nicotine, Menthol: 11 то. "ter", 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
0.8 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette, FTC Report OCT.'74. 


35 


PLAYBOY 


36 


declares that under the melancholic waters 
of the La Brea tar pits, nobody's dreams 
come true. Khatchaturian’s Sabre Dance 
is rendered with all the gusto of a pre- 
cision team of Cossack ambulance drivers, 
while the Spike Jones chicken clucking 
on Brahmss Hungarian Dance #5 is fim- 
gerlickin" good. The album is not only a 
fine piece of nostalgia but, by virtue of 
the Roy Rogers-Dale Evans song Happy 


Trails to You, its alo an American 
hymnal. 
Our carly-warning system put us on the 


alert as soon as we heard Howard (Never 
Leave Bad Enough Alone) Cosell provid- 
ng the quintessential unctuous introduc- 
tion, but we really weren't prepared. 
given all the advance flack on the Madi- 
son Square Garden extravaganza, for how 
sad Sinatra / The Mein Event—Live (Reprise) 
would be. Sinatra's voice is now his im- 
placable enemy. cating away at the leg- 
end more ferociously with each passing 
year. The slow ballads with any range to 
them wreak the worst havoc (Sinatra can 
still deliver on the up-tempo, finger- 
popping items that showcase his still- 
superb ph and avoid giving him any 
notes to cling to precariously), And Sina- 
tra has been further betrayed by the Gar- 
den acoustics. Despite the presence of 
Woody Herman and his Herd. and de- 
spite the talented. Don Costa acting as 
producer, the musical backgrounds sound 
incredibly Mickey Mouse—like a pickup 
band at a cheap bar mitzvah. Even Sina- 
s between-numbers remarks are cast 
in a leaden Las Vegas mold. But we guess 
you had to be there. 

In the aftermath of his wagic what- 
ever was in Memphis, Al Green is 
probably busy checking out his own 
mind. In the meantime, we get Al Green 
Explores Your Mind (Hi) to check out, and 
it sounds—as A. G. might say—mighty 
fine. You get the usual dose of past and 
future hits, plus some deep down groove 
music (Take Me to the Rtoer) and some 
rollicking sounds out of the Gospel tradi- 
n (The City), not to mention the 
blues (One Nite Stand). But Al isn't the 
г to come out with some- 
€s also Willie Hutch, 
singer and musician 
who's been around a while; he's got 
it all together on The Mark of the Beast 
(Motown). The title may sound scary 
but it’s only a timely quote from Revela- 
tion, and Hutch—hicked by Motown 
space rhythms that are fantastically well 
incered. (as always)—puts it to you 
like a specialdelivery note from Yahweh 
Himself, whether he's singing about 
Armageddon (as on the title tune) or 
bout love (I’m Gonna Stay; Woman 
You Touched Ме). Finally, on Got to Find 
a Wey (Curtom), Curtis Mayfield shows 
he can still get those high notes as well 
as anyone, And after grooving to Love 
Ме (Right in the Pocket) and Mother's 


Son—which mot only eschews brass, 
strings and what not but also manages to 
cook for a spell without drums—you'll 
find yourself listening to Cannot Find а 
Way, which is one of Curtis heavy-type 
comments on whats happening (and 
what's not happening). 


The ghouls are at it again. Mere than 
а Memory . . . The Uncollected Judy Garland 
(Stanyan) is а garbage dump of sound- 
track songs and recordings that Columbia 
and Decca wisely decided were best left 
in the vault. We take that back—Fasci- 
nating Rhythm, the Gershwins’ classic 
that leads off the album, is good enough 
for a reprise, but the rest does a dis- 
service to that benighted lady. And that 
goes for a quartet of Harold Arlen-Yip 
Harburg songs from an unmemorable 
cartoon feature, Сау Purree. 
It's depressing to think 
that a composer 
such as Arlen, 
whose Wizard. 
of Oz was 

pure 

gold, 
should 


have turned out such dross. Maybe the 

rland cultists will snap up whatever 
crumbs are offered them, but let the 
objective listener beware. 


They've grown tired of the barricades. 
Now the defenders of contemporary aca- 
demic music have adopted the smug, self- 
satisfied pose of the classicists, the guys 
who take for granted that their critics are 
benighted fools. Foremost among these 
poseurs is Charles Wuorinen, whose swol- 
prose adorns а new Nonesuch album. 
ig his Speculum Speculi (Mirror of 
the Mirror) and Donald Martino's Not- 
tune, What do you make of people who 
refer blindly to "todays environment 
of ever-expanding achievement” or pay 
homage to the I2tone system: that is, 
“Milton Babbitt's profoundly significant 
formulations of the awesome composi- 
tional wisdom of Schoenberg"? Who is 
kidding whom, Charles? Anyway, the disc 
contains significant, if not awesome, mu- 
Yotturno won the 1974 Pulitzer 
Prize—played on traditional instruments 
by а fine group of 15 young performers, 
the Speculum Musicae. While there is 
some Babbittry at work here, you won't 
find the usual clectro-blecps that we as- 
sociate with Princeton, Columbia and the 
New England Conservatory. Both pieces 
are good solid 12-tone works: Martino's is 


particularly interesting for its casual sym- 
metry and its second-movement trans- 
formation of noise into musical sound; 
Wuorinen’s is a set of recurring va 
tions that grow denser, more rapid and 
more complex. It’s good to hear п 
music of this school without the usu 
dearonic/computer paraphernalia. Now, 
if Nonesuch could get somebody to write 
liner notes. . .. 


Joni Mitchell has ys been a para- 
doxical talent. She writes songs about 
searing emotions and then often performs 
them in the coolest possible way. Further, 
while they scem to be autobiographical, 
they casily evoke a shock of recognition 
from her audience that inspires cither 
idolatry or distaste. The intensity of her 


work demands total concentration—or 
total tuning out. ‘These qualities can be 
found on Miles of Aisles (Asylum)—hcr 
first "live" album—along with a new 


dimension of warmth in her singing and 
a relaxed feeling that started to emerge on 
her Court and Spark LP. This set, which 
constitutes a short history of her work 
over the past decade. gives new life and 
perspective to some of her previous work, 
including Cactus Trec. Big Yellow Taxi 
and Woodstock. She also 
ew songs. Jericho and Love or Money, 
the later being as good (incisive aud in- 
tense with vivid imagery) as anything she 
has done belore. Mitchell is accompanied 

xpress, а 


includes two 


by Tom Scott and the L.A. 


band of fine musicians, who help give 
her some extra spark and cnergy. 


lmit we're 


OK. we as prejudiced as 
the next guy; give us a hairdresser who 
comes on as a record producer and we'll 
sit back and smugly wait for him to fall оп 
his ass. Well. Barbra Streisand's Buttery 
(Columbia) was produced by Jon Peters, 
her main man when it comes to hair and 
heart, and you know something? It's 
damned good. As a matter of fact, it's 
some of the best Streisand we've heard in 
a long while. For one thing, it has the 


aforementioned reed man Tom Scott 
providing many of the arrangements, fill- 
ing in with solos and adding backup sup- 


port to a staunch rhythm section. For 
another, Streisand seems very much at 
ease in А and absorbing collection 
of tunes from the pens of such worthies 
as the Pauls Williams and Anka, Bill 
Withers, Buck Owens, Graham Nash and 
David Bowie. Everything and everyone 
works, so let's hear it for hairdressers! 


Are you ready for some of Duke El- 
lington’s С Jam Blues done on мес! 
guitar? How about some Benny Good- 
man-style big-band riffs on the fiddle? If 
that turns you on, try Hillbilly Jazz (Flying 
Fish), a wonderfully eclectic two-record 
set laid down by some young country 


There's not a wasted inch 
d front. Switches, tog: 


dials 


Sony tec! 
able radic 

Heres a list 

First, and 

sndous sound 

Only 8" high, the speaker is an over- 
sized 434" 

Also, theres a "Squelch Switch" to sup- 
press interfering noise* 

So what you end up with are the rich vel- 


hings this radio can do. 
st important, it makes a: tre- 


Corp of America 


vety tones thal normally come out of гас 
too big to carry around 

There are three bands, FM, AM, and Pub- 
lic Service. (Police car 5 


moving film" style tuning dial. 
And a 60-minute timer that turns the 
radio on and off. 
Why not stop in at a Sony dealer and get 
checked ou 
Then find a lonely stretch of road, and 
open her up. 


“хх 
* a 
^s 
MESA 
CONS 
OPEN 
` 
` ` 
NON 
` ` 
RUN 
SENS 
AR 
ME 
` 


“ITS A SONY” 


PLAYBOY 


121 lenses 


Jens is like having a trunk full of 
lenses, but only onc to carry. It re- 
places the usual 85mm, 100mm, 
135mmand 200mm, but better than. 
that you can pick any of 121 differ- 
ent focal lengths to get the exact 
framing of the picture you want 
without movingan inch. The 85mm 
is ideal for portraitsand the 205mm 
gives that big image of distant 
subjects, and is especially useful 


1for the 35mm camera owner. 
A Vivitar 85-205mm automatic zoom. 


in travel and sports. Top quality has 
made thislens the favorite of pho- 
tographers. Compact, light weight 
and fits most popular 33mm SLR 
cameras. See your Vivitar dealer 
fora demonstration, or write for a 
free folder. Marketed in the U.S.A. 
by Ponder Best Inc. Corporate 
Offices: 1630 Stewart St., Santa 
Monica, CA 90406. In Canada: 
Precision Cameras of Canada, 
Ltd., Montreal. 


Vivitar Zoom Lenses 


Rather than appear immodest, we'll let the 
experts who write lor the audio publications 
tell you about an automatic tumtable we're 
quite proud ol-our 8100Х Transcription 
Series model 


High Fidelity magazine says: 

The newcam system in the 8100X is 
credited with providing smoother and 
quieter operation than in past models. Aver 
age flutter was very low at 0.0596: total 
audible rumble by the CBS-ARLL method 
was —S2db. The arm has negligible friction 
laterally and vertically. and requires a 0.3 
gram stylus force for automatic trip. Taking 
ıl alitogelher-perlormance, features, styling 
the BSR 8100X moves intorarking place 
among the best automatics we know of. 


We're too British to boast. 


So here's what the experts 
say about us. 


Stereo Review magazine says: 

The BSR 8100X has an unusually com- 
plete array of operating controls and adjust- 
ments, yel is simple to use. The wow and 
lutter were very lovi—respectively 0.03 and 
0.045% al 33% rpm and 0.05 and 0.04% 
at 45 rpm. The BSA 8100X, undeniably а 
well-constructed and attractively styled rec- 
ord player, Was also a very easy one lo 
operate. The controls had а smooth, posi 
буе fec! and action. ^ 


This is a modest way to tell you how 
good our В100Х Transcription Series turn- 
lable really is. We would be pleased to send. 


you delailed specifications, Just 
drop us a note R| 
BSR (USA)LIG. Blauvelt,NY.10913. 


McDDNALD 


38 


BSR (USA) ua 
волей нҮ 1093 


musicians (inclu 
fiddle, Doug Jerniga 
1 Bromberg on g 


Vasar Clements on 
on steel guitar, 
tar) who've had 
ars open. Country jazz goes back 
40 years to the Bob Wills West 
ern swing bands of the Thirties, and 
Hillbilly Jazz makes a bow to the past on 
па one, side one, a faithful reproduc- 
Чоп of Wills's biggest hit, San Antonio 
Rose. If you're not into that, how about 
a very funky Delta Blues featuring Brom 
berg on slide guitar, а Cajun-style Fais Do 
Do, old country songs such as Brown’s 
Ferry Blues and pop numbers such as Sen 
timental Journey and Cherokee? The mu. 
sic has echoes of everybody from Charlie 
Christian to Eric Clapton, but it all seems 
to fit together. Pour yourself a beer and 
put on a solid country work horse such 
as Little Rock Getaway. Get the true 
roadhouse experience without worrying 
about getting beat up in the parking lot 
on your way home. 


Decp Purple has always had a distinc- 
tive sound—something like a thousand. 
hot ja 
d, 
adios tuned to the same station а 
cranked up to blast. Not very subtle, but 
it does get your аце Belore Storm- 
bringer (Warner Bros), the band churned 
out eight albums that might have been cut 
out of sheet metal; but on this new one, 
Ritchie Blackmore has finally managed 
to tune the fuzz from his guitar and get 
do undistorted rhythm 
and blues. With the wall of sound nearly 
under control, Glenn Hughes's vocals 
come on stronger, more soul than funk, as 
is the way with British rock. There's 
even some mellow pickin’ on the last cut, 


st 


almost—to 


Soldier of Fortune, if you can believe 
The result is an album you can 
your living room without 


traumatizing your plants—or in your 
bathroom if you miss the echo. 


THEATER 


Walk into Sardi's or the Algonquin 
Hotel or along Shubert Alley and you 
realize that the British invasion of Broad- 
y is complete. The majority of shows 
that opened during the first half of the 
season, and almost all the ones that 
thrived, were British. The big dramatic 
hit was Peter Shaffer's Equus; the boflo 
comedy winner, Alan Ayckbourn's Ab- 
surd Person Singular; and the top family 
show, the durable Sherlock Holmes. At 
Tony-award time, it will be an апа 
wrestle between the Angles and the Sax- 
ons. There is Jim Dale, a scamper 
Scapino in his rumpled icecream s 
Jolin Wood, a spiffy Holmes; Peter Firth 
worshiping the great god Equus and 
whinnying on cue lor his analyst, Anthony 
Hopkins; Donald Sinden delivering his 
London Assurance; Rex son paying 


Isn't this too much tire 
toturn down? 


The Proven Gas Saver This is the tire 

that earned the name Gas Saver When 
run at steady highway speeds against 

our original equipment belted bias 
tire, it saved up to thirty miles per 
tankful, important savings at 
todays gas prices. 


7DayTest Ride and . 
Handling Warranty New Water Squeezer Tread Firestones 
We're so sure you'll like à i amazing new Water Squeezer Tread 
the smooth ride and actually pushes water out the sides of 
quick, positive handling the tread to help keep water from 
of the Steel Radial 500™ getting between the rubber and the 
that you can buy them, road. Апа the big, улде, Steel Radial 
drive on them for seven days, 500 footprint puts a lot of tread 
and get every cent back if under you to help hold tight to 
theres anything you don't. wet pavement” 
like. Does any other tire 


company offer you that? Steel Between You and Tire 


Trouble Two belts of steel cord 
under the new Water Squeezer 

» Tread help protect your tires 
from chuckholes and 
roadjunk* that you can't. 
always steer around. 
"They also hold the tread 
firmly to cut down on 
"tire squirm" that 
causes wear. 


40,000 Mile Warranty If the 
Steel Radial 500 doesn't give 
you 40,000 miles of normal 
passenger use on the same car, 
any Firestone Store or 
participating Dealer will give 
you a new one, charging you 
only for the mileage received 
plus Federal Excise Tax A 
small service charge may 
be added. 

* Dont forget—the 

safetyof yourtires 

is also affected by 

conditions. 


Prrestone p" 
New Firestone 40,000 mile 
Steel Radial 500 


39 


ni o 
) le hi-fi editors, record rev 
` and the readers of the leading music- 
` equipment magazines. And they own 
more Duals than any other make of 
quality turntable 
the tonearm, and if you enjoy getting All these experts did nct switch 
involved with every record, a manual to Dual for convenience alone. They 
turntable may suit you nicely. knew that by choosing о Dual, any Dual, 
But if you don't want to risk your they could enhance their enjoyment of 
delicate stylus and your fragile records, records os you can. 
you'll be happier with the convenience Automatically, ual} 
‘and security of an automatic turntable. eee 
Especially with o Duol. uen 
Many music Ni Vernon, NY. 10853 


тареш Drain 
lovers and audio ‘Baers oe Doc 


The multi-play automatic Dual 12299, $259.95; 
Other multi-play automatics from $129.95. 
Ali less base and dust cover. Single-play 
‘automatics are the Dual 60), $270: and the 
‘electronic direct-drive Dual 701, $400. 
Both include bose and dust cove 


IN 
WITH 
RANGEFINDER 


... the optical tapemeasure that measures distances of six feet ta 100 feet 
from where you stand. 


It takes only seconds. Just sight any object, focus and look at the tape indi- 
cator ta read distance in feet and/or inches. Rangefinder is reliable, too. 
Average accuracy la 25 feet is 99.2%, to 100 feet, 97.8%. Rangefinder and 
carrying case are just $19.95"! 


Marketing Services, Inc., Dept. PM-83 


919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, III. 60611 
Please send me. Rangefinder(s) to use and enjoy for two weeks without obligation. If | 
decide to keep the Rangelinder(s), the cash price for each is $19.95", plus $1.50 each for 
shipping and handling. (Total $21.45" each.) ] JEJE] 
D Charge to my Playboy Club credit Key no. = 
E] Payment enclosed. (Make checks payable to Equinox.) 
No C.O.D. orders, please. Cash keyholders, please enclose check 
nts—please add 5% tax ($1.07 for each Rangefinder). 


(please print) 


homage In Praise of Love, by Terence 
Rattigan. The invasion has been mostly 
masculine—ds You Like It stars an all- 
mule cast—but here comes latecomer 
Maggie Smith, in Private Lives. As soon 
Britisher moves out, another ar 
cs. The theater renamed by the mad 
т Cook and Dudley Moore. in Good 
ning, was next booked 
Peter Ustinov, 
offering his guide to 


Who's Who in 
one turns, 
other Bri 


E Hell. Wherever 
there is an- 
Peter—the 
Peter pl: Shaffer and 
Nicho Barnes та! 
а deal), the Peter. di 
‘There are also 
И now at least 
k Dunlop (whose 
Neapolitan Scapino makes him a Franco 
Dunloppoj and a pair of directing Johns, 
Dexter and Gielgud. 

Actually, the 


whose Academy of Music presented a 
three-month British Theater Season fea- 

ing the Royal Shak e Company. 
This season, the RS part of it is 
not on Bro; turned to Brooklyn 
with Gorki as well as Shakespeare. 

American audiences are pleased. Critics 
g. The box offices are booming. 
Only Actors Equity is a Ameri- 
cam actors search for tomorrow on TV 
soap operas while their British cousins 
work on the stage. 

Tourism in London is down, and one 
reason be that the London theater 
is here. But if anyone wants to know 
what will be on Broadway next season, 
perhaps he should take that trip to Lon- 
don alter all. Most of the imports began 
ato 
the National Theater, the Royal 
speare Company or the Royal Court 
Iheater, which shipped over the South 
Alricam Sizwe Bana Is Dead and The 
Island. These are nonprofit, state-sup- 
ported theaters, which means, for one 
thing, that Britain's tax dollars help 


boost Bro ude we 
should Actually, 
money is one of the reasons—along, of 


with the excellence of 
shts—lor the enormous 
number h imports. Costs have 
risen so much in the U. S. that producers 
cannot afford to take chances on an un 
known work. The new American play 
by a new American playwright is an 
anomaly on Broadway. American-grown 
shows—usually big musicals—tour the 
provinces for as long as a year, as was 
the case with Good News, before bravi 
the main market place. The alternative, 


You сап tell a lot about an individual by what he pours into his glass. 


Bushmills ^ 
‘The worlds oldest whiskey. 
"The^Yichtsmar glass created for the Bushmills Collection by Henry Halem ышкыны SS poured 


into their glass since 


A biendof 10096 Irish Whiskics.86 Proof Bouked in reli The Jos Gameau Ca, New York, NY. ОКА 


SEDGEFIELD 


clothes for the шап whoa hlayed a great game 


= 


of course, is to look to Britain. Once a 
play scores at the National or the RSC, 
our producers enter, waving checkbooks. 
What they want most of all today is a 
London assurance. 


Pick a theatrical chest- 
nut, a stock-company staple, such as the 
old Arthur Conan Doyle-William Gil- 
lette melodrama based on Sherlock Holmes, 
steep it in fog, mystery and mayhem and 
cast it from within London's prestigious 
Royal Shakespeare Company. The result 
is a crackerjack chiller—with a prize at 
the bottom of the package: John Wood. 
Deerstalker hat, calabash pipe а 
panache all firmly in place and a 
itall look flashing in his steely 
angular Wood is Holmes right down to 
his aquiline nose—wily, wise and fiend- 
ishly dever. Everything is easy for 
Holmes-Wood, and everything seems casy 
in this lavish Frank Dunlop production 
induding the intricately detailed se 
tings—which click in the dark, changing 
swiftly from cozy Baker Street to the 
creepy Stepney gas chamber at midnight. 
There is по false move. Wood and com- 
pany are unpatronizing, which makes the 
show both faithful and funny. The ad- 
venture in question brings Holmes in 
collision with archnemesis Professor Mori- 
arty (played with devilish amusement by 
Philip Locke) and in romantic juxta 
position with a pretty damsel in distress. 
Holmes smites the villain, is smitten by 
the lady. Actors, sets, costumes, turn-of- 
iry atmosphere, the creaky plot 
they all add up to а play- 
terlocking puzzle, At the Broad 
West Hih Street. 


It's elementary 


been extended through April, so you can 
still watch Maggie, the Cof on а Ho! Tin 
Roof, baring her claws and desperately 
hanging on to her megrating mar- 
i ıd realize that Tennessee Wil- 


ing power of a deftly wielded scalpel 
Maggie and Big Daddy are ако of the 
most lifegrabbing theatrical characters 
ever conceived by Williams. Next to 
them, Brick, the football hero distressed 
by his possible latent homosexuality, 
es And for any actor—in this case, 
Dullea—it is an uphill baule. But in 
this first major New York revival of Cat, 
a somewhat revised. version of the 1955 
original, Fred Gwynne shucks his Mun- 
sterisms for a forceful portrayal of the 
uproarious thundering Big Daddy and 

beth Ashley is an inspired Maggie as 
silkily and sinuously tries to draw 
her reluctant husband back into the 
l bond (and bed). This American 
akespeare Theater production by Mi- 
chael Kahn is at the ANTA, 245 West 


Sud Sweet. 
a 


For the best performance, 
get a manual turntable. 


For the best manual 
tumtable, get a Pioneer PL-71. 


At Pioneer, we're convinced that a (3) unwavering consistency of speed. 

manual turntable is the best possible The PL-71 is magnificent in all areas. 

component for reproducing the At $299.95, the Pioneer PL-71 is 

sound of records. That's why we offer the best of the best. Other Pioneer 

a complete line of manual turntables — manua! turntables from $99.95. 

topped off by the truly superior U.S. Pioneer Electronics Corp., 

direct-drive PL-71. 75 Oxtord Drive, Moonachie, 
Perfection in a turntable means New Jersey 07074. 

just three things — (1) elimination of © 

rumble, (2) accuracy of rotation, ` Q PIONEER 


when you want something beer 


West: 1330 5. Estrella, Los Angeles 90248 / Midwest: 1500 Greenleaf, Elk Grove Village, Ill, 60007 / Canada: S. Н. Parker Co. 


Roach shirts. Show me yours, 
l'il show you mine! | m 


When it comes to Show & Tell, Roach 
shirts speak louder than words. 


vid full color designs on 
your choice of T-shirt, Tank- 
top, or sweatshirt. Fadeproot 


P.0. Box 
PROACH 182PB3 


meis | Worthington, OH 43085 | 41 


“Skibobbing the Trockener Steg is really exciting. 
In fact, it lifted Sandy right out of her seat!” 


i "Humpty Dumpty had ў, : 


a great fall. But it's 
nothing compared 
with what could 
happen as you Skibob 

down a Swiss Alp at 30 miles an 
hour. You can break records on the 
roughest trails. Or your neck. 


‘HIRAM WALKER NED 
WAUAERVLLE CANADA, 


کے 


“Where did that boulder come 
from? I'd just managed to catch up 
with Sandy...spotted the rock 
and swerved. But my warning 
came almost too late. Sandy 
missed it...but had a great fall. 

wag Luckily, the only thing bruised 

“Later, we toasted our adventure with ИД was her ego.” 

Canadian Club. At the Gornergrat-Kulm Hotel atop [ = | 
Mt. Gornergrat.” Wherever you go, people with 
taste agree C.C. is the only Canadian. For them, 
ithas a unique smoothness, mellowness and 
lightness no other Canadian whisky can match. 
For 116 years, it's been in a class by itself. 

“The Best In The Ноџѕе"® in 87 lands. 


ЭЗЕ bad | 


Imported in bottle from Canada. 


GYEARS OLD. IMPORTED IN BOTTLE FLOM 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Some of the guys at work were talking 
the other day about the peculiarities of 
making love to a woman for the first 
time. We discovered that, almost against 
our will, we tend to revert to a high 
school approach—“measuring” our prog- 
ress from first ¢ to second base to 
third base (where, оп the advice of the 
base coach, we stop for some cunnilin- 
gus), then on to home. My first-night feel- 
g is, "I can do better than this. Hell, I 
have done better than this.” I can't figure 
out why we repeat that amateur mating 
dance. What do you do on first dates2— 
М.У, hassce, Florida. 

It depends on how our companions 
react when they sec our collection of 
whips, chains, leathers, grope suits, ben- 
wa balls, vibrators, French postcards 
Jacuzzi baths, overhead mirrors and 
video-tape cameras. Or, if we're at their 
place, how we react when we see their 
equipment. We are not always the one 
to initiate sex and we almost never insist 
on control of the event. Other than that, 
we tend to proceed from left to right, 
from the outside in, and so forth. These 
are individual quirks and should not be 
wed as strict guidelines. The high 
school approach works as well as any 
other—if you're troubled by its being 
amateur (it’s not), simply reverse the se- 
quence. After all, what you learn about 
each other is more important than what 
you know about sex. And no matter how 
you begin, it’s bound to get belter. 


Wid is ›сист—а spherical stylus or 
n elliptical stylus? I enjoy music very 
much and I would like to keep my LPs 
in the best possible condition—R. B., 
Danville, Virgin 
A spherical stylus resembles the tip of a 
ballpoint pen; its tracking characteristics 
have been compared to those of a bowling 
ball in the gutter. They are usually found 
on cheaper cartridges. An ellipical stylus 
resembles the blade of a screwdriver; it is 
harder to make and costs more than a 
spherical stylus, However, the design per- 
mils more accurale groove tracking, pro- 
vides better high-frequency response and 
eliminates pinch effect in the relatively 
narrow portions of the record groove. 
Make your choice and keep on tacking. 


AQ; an independent freight shipper, 
follow ап irregular schedule. Му 
friend and J will get together for four or 
five days, then not see each other for 
eral weeks at a stretch. As you can imag- 
ine, the infrequency enhances our mutual 
horniness—when we do sec each other, we 
fuck our eyeballs out. Apart from a little 
soreness, neither of us seems to have suf- 
fered any ill effects from these lovemaking 


marathons. We joke about overindu 
gence, then crawl back into bed to hav 
one for the road. But I wonder, is it pos- 
sible to do too much of a good thing? 
Someone once told me that a sporadic 
sex life can contribute to prostate prob- 
Jems. Is this true?—W. W., Nashville, 
Tennessee. 

Every man vises to his own level of 
activity; it is impossible to have too much 
sex in a given amount of time. To para- 
phrase a classical philosopher: Don’t ask 
for more sex; you have and always have 
had all the sex there is. Also, Dr. Masters 
informs us that weekend warriors need 
not worry—an erratic erotic life does not 
lead to prostate problems. Make the most 
of your layouers. 


On weekends, I like to go clubbing 
catch young sta ay up. old si 
on the way down and waitresses оп the 
лу home. At the end of a set. I usually 
t a bill that includes both the cover 
charge and the price of the drinks 1 have 
been served. Should my tip be a percent- 
age of the total or a percentage of the 
price of the drinks alone?— ]. P., Chicago, 
Minois. 

It depends: If you view tipping as a 
gesture designed To Insure Promptness 
(a reward for services rendered) and want 
to fight inflation, leave a percentage of 
the price of your drinks and а міх but- 
ton, If you view tipping as a gesture 
designed To Impress Peons, leave a 
percentage of the total bill. Some clubs 
feel that if you can afford the tab, you 
can afford the tip. Failure to do so is To 
Invite Punishment. 


Wi, fiancé and 1 live in ài 
of the country: it was just an accident that 
we cver met. We both come from large 
families and last month we were shocked. 
to discover that we are second cou: 
We are still in love and plan to get mar- 
ried. We are curious to know what the 
law and science have to say about our 
situation. A friend told me that incest is 
a universal taboo. Is there any society on 
record in which incest is accepted or 
approved:—D. A., Santa Ci 3 

If there were, do you think we'd be liv. 
ing in Chicago? (Don't answer that.) In- 
cest isa universal taboo; interestingly, the 
more primitive the society, the broader 
and mote restrictive is the prohibition. 
For example, Trobriand Islanders in 
Melanesia separate brothers and sisters 
al birth, to be raised almost exclusively by 
relatives of the same sex. If any members 
of the tribe engage in incest, they are 
expected (and “encouraged”) to commit 
suicide as penance for the entire tribe. 
Up against the wall, motherfucker. Most 
societies view incest as a challenge 10 


English 
Leather 


Deodorant 
Stick. 


One Man. 
One Scent. 


Why have one scent fighting 
another? When you use our 
After Shave, complement it with 
our Deodorant Stick. It's full of 
that same clean fresh English 
Leather scent. 

With one application you get 
plenty of long-lasting coverage 
and deodorant protection. And 
it's your personal deodorant. 
Only you use it. 

Pick up a stick soon. So your 
underarms won't smell like 
something 
else. 


Deodorant 
Stick 
3135 


Available in 
Canada 


[MEM COMPANY,INC. Northvate,N.J.07647* 1974 | 


43 


PLAYBOY 


44 


what 
Playboy’s done 
with Jamaica 


We've taken the bright 
Caribbean sun, the tropical beaches 
and the unique, reggae-flavored 
atmosphere of Ocho Rios and 
wrapped it all up into one dazzling 
Playboy-Club-Hotel. An island full 
of activities. Nights full of entertain- 
ment. In a resort full of luxury. 

For all of the delightful de- 
tails and for reservations, see your 
travel agent or call, toll-free, 
800-621-1116. (In Illinois, call 
312-751-8100.) 


ga playboy club-hotel 
ФУД осно Rios- jamaica 


authority, especially where the integrity 
of the family unit is the key to survival. 
Sex with close relatives is considered bad 
for the crops. In our society, the taboo 
covers relationships between teachers 
and students, doctors and patients, 
bosses and secretaries—the ancient. wis- 
dom about swimming in the genetic pool 
пош applies to fishing in the office pool. 
As for kissing cousins—nol only is the 
incest relative bul it's a matter of degree. 
The relationship between fist cousins is 
known as fourth-degree consanguinity; 
between second cousins, _fifth-degree. 
Approximately half of the states permit 
fourth-degree marriages, the other half 
prohibit fourth-degree marriages but. 
allow jifth-degree marriages. So go ahead 
with your plans. Consult an attorney if 
you have further questions. Finally, don't 
take your honeymoon in the Trobriand 
Islands. 


ng a 20-year-old male, Y have my 
e of sexual problems—acting out 
fantasy being the main one. Recently, 
I saw a movie that presented a novel 
form of seduction: A guy met a girl in 
the park. Both were wearing masks. Not 
knowing who she was, and vice versa, they 
made wild, passionate love, then depart- 
ed without a word. The idea of such an 
encounter appeals to me. I can imagine 
the scene: А mere glance between com- 
plete strangers and we would get it on, 
weather permitting. I feel that by doing 
it with masks, I would have the freedom. 
to make love the way 1 want. I would 
not let her facial expressions rule my 
actions. Could you tell me if this is a 
good idcaz—A. К. New York, New Yor 

The editorial is divided on this 
issue; we think it's a great idea (having 
had the same fantasy ourself), but it has 
to be put in perspective (for example, 
the lime the Lone Ranger and Tonto 
were surrounded by hostile Indians and 
the Lone Ranger said, “It looks like the 
end for us” and Tonto said, “What do 
you mean us?"). The fantasy has its place, 
but not in public. The police have been 
known to take a dim view of people walk- 
ing into Central Park wearing masks. Ас- 
tually, masking is an ancient tradition. 
Eastern potentates often had their concu- 
bines and wives wear mashs; it saved them 
the trouble of keeping track of all those 
names. The carnivals of Rio ave oc- 
casions for celebraling impersonal sex. 
Go there or find a cooperative accom- 
plice and try a masked ball in the 
privacy of your own bedroom. She won't 
find your mysteriousstranger routine 
that stiange; she's probably had her own 
fantasies of Zorro leaving his mark. A 
plain mask will provide anonymity— 
you'll feel like Everyman making love to 
Everywoman. Or if you desire a change 
Of face from come-as-yoware parties, try 
celebrity sex. We recall an orgy (dc- 
scribed in “Trashing” by Ann Feltamen) 
where bedfellows wore the masks of 


politicians (Richard Nixon, Henry Kis- 
singer, Shirley Temple Black, Martha 
Mitchell, et al.). Now that's strange, but 
it goes to show: different folks for the 
same old stroke. 


Toast weekend, I attended a dinner party 
in a very elegant restaurant atop one of 
our new skyscrapers and when we ordered 
a fairly expensive red Bordeaux, the 
waiter told us it would take 15 or 20 min: 
Utes to get it, since it was stored in the 
basement some 1000 feet below. In re 
sponse to our quizzical looks, he explained 
that storing the wines at restaurant level 
was bad for them and that it had some 
thing to do with air pressurc. Was he tell 
ing the truth or had the altitude afleaed 
him instead ol the winez— T. P., Chicago, 
Illinois. 

There are а number of problems in- 
volved with storing wines in skyscrapers, 
but as far as anyone knows, altitude and 
uir pressure aren't among them. Instead, 
high-rise grape nuts in Chicago, San 
Francisco, Toronto and other cilics with 
restaurants perched atop these behe 
moths have lo contend with air-condi 
tioning systems that turn off at night 
(fluctuating temperature being possibly 
the worst of а wine's enemies) and 
buildings that sway ever so slightly in 
strong breezes, thereby preventing the 
sediment in those vintage reds from prop- 
erly settling to the bottom of the boitle. 
The inherent space and cost problems of 
storing 5000 or 10,000 botiles of wine a 
fifth of a mile above the ground are a ma- 
jor setback. To overcome these obstacles, 
restaurants keep the wine in more tra- 
ditional, temperature-contolled cellars, 
rather than trying to mount a gimbaled 
or suspended storage room on the upper 
floors. Don't laugh; The Ninety Fifth, 
atop Chicago's John Hancock Building, 
actually considered just that, 


Be just finished reading Erica Jong's 
Fear of Flying, in which she recounts an 
n who was on a 
I didn't lose weight. 


ecdote about a wor 
t diet but who st 


su 
The doctor asked her to list everything 


she ate, then, unable to figure out where 
the extra calories came from, asked her if 
she was sure she had listed every mouth- 
ful. “Mouthful? 1 didn't realize that had 
" The woman turned out to be a 
ite who swallowed 10 to 15 mouth- 
fuls of semen a day. Supposedly, “Ten to 
day] turned out to be 
seven-course meal at 
the Tour d'Argent.” Is this true? A lot of 
women are reading that book, and I'm 
id that some of them will use the ii 
s ап excuse to forgo fell 
What are the ingredients, caloric count, 
etc, of the average ејаси м. В. 
Phoenix, Arizona. 

АП right, you clowns—this is the last 
time we answer this question. Take notes: 
A short quiz will be given; pass the 


lation? 


written part and you get to take the orals. 
The chemical composition of ejaculate 
varies from individual to individual and 
within (he same individual from time to 
lime. Semen is essentially seminal plasma 
and spermatozoa. Approximately eight 
percent of the substance is dry weight. 
According to the fine print on the 
label, it contains minute quantities of 
more than 30 elements—such as fructose, 
ascorbic acid, cholesterol, creatine, citric 
acid, urea, uric acid, sorbitol, pyruvic acid, 
glutathione, inositol, lactic acid, nitro- 
gen, B-12, various salis (sodium, zinc, cal- 
cium, chloride, magnesium, potassium, 
phosphorus, ammonia) and enzymes (hy- 
aluronidase, spermidine, choline, sperm- 
ine, purine and pyrimidine) and 
desoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), Blood- 
group antigens are also present. The ca- 
loric content is minimal (perhaps one or 
two calories per ejaculate) and the nutri- 
tional value practically nonexistent. In 
other words—it «won't blow a dict. And, 
since semen does not contain any artificial 
flavoring, meat by-products or monosodi- 
um glutamate, your organically inclined 
friends can continue their inclinations 
toward your organ. Just in case Jong 
writes another book, semen does nol cause 
cavities, does not improve the voices of 
opera singers, does not clear up the com- 
plexion (even when applied directly from 
the tube), nor does it cause the growth of 
facial hair on the recipient. Il does cause 
babies. If someone can still find an excuse 
по! to perjorm fellatio, we suggest you 
lake up where the guy who wrote ‘the next 
letter left off. 


How is it that I never hear mention of 
autofellatio in your column? It is my 
favorite form of masturbation. My accom- 
plishments include not only putting my 
penis into my mouth but also sticking 
my tongue into my navel and placing my 
mouth against my lower abdomen and 
scrotum. Do many people have this degree 
of flexibility in their bodies;—]. W., Syos- 
set, New York. 

Don't Ouroborus. Although it’s rare, we 
have heard of people with this talent. A 
few were jakirs, who managed the trick 
after years of training; others were born 
with the ability to make ends meet, And 
then there are those who ате capable 
of a sectocranial inversion (sticking one's 
head up one's ass). Try that, if you 
haven't already. 


All reasonable questions—from fash- 
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette— 
will be personally answered if the writer 
includes a stamped, self-addressed en- 
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi- 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages cach month. 


WHAT TODO IF YOUR 
STOMACH STARTS GROWLING 
JUST AS YOU PASS THE EXIT. 


dust because you get hungry on the road 
doesnt mean you can get off the road. 

Besides. the sign that says “Food” can 
mean anything from steak to a gas-station 
vending machine. 

Well. if there's one thing that can 
satisfy that between-exits hunger, it's. 
n Jini. The all-meat snack that 
glove compartment, Or in 
your glove, for that matte 

And it comes in mild. spic: 
bacon. or salami. At your grocer s. 
o. whether you travel because 
it's your job. or just because you 
want to, take Slim Jim. 

And stop a growling stoma 
without having to stop the cas 


sh 


4 Calculators In One! 
» 10 Digits e RECHARGEABLE 


“Complete 
Computer” 


Full 4-Key Memory, % Key, Square 
Root, Exchange Key, & More! 


Commodore has just produced the ultimate in a high- 
performance pocket computer. While other manufac- 
turers spread these extra options across a confusing 
line of several different units, Commodore has com- 
bined the various features of 4 basic units, and packed 
them into one super multi-feature machine. This little 
beauty has everything a student, businessman, engi- 
neer, or homemaker could possibly ever need — at an 
amazingly low price which includes cur usual 1 year, 
over-the-counter replacement warranty. 


Experiment With One For Two Weeks 
No Obligation 


f Please send Commodore 4109 "Complete Computer) | 
at only $4995 (plos $3 shipping end insurance) each. It rol 
funy satisfied сап retur the unite] for an immediate 
refund 
Instead send me the “14007” Advanced Slide Rule (with 

10 Digits, leg 4 tig functions. ete) for only $9998 (plus 
‘$3 shipping). 
O Check or Money Drder Enclosed 
(ilinois residents add 5 9, Sales Тех) 
B AE dern соя 
merican Express American 
Call TOLL FREE О Master Charge D Diners Club 
(800-323-2408) TODAY! — | csi tart #- 

* RECHARGEABLE! #1 ODigits —Large, Bright 

Readout = 4-Key Independent Memory System 

= Exchange Key • Square Key * Square Root Key = 

= Change Sign Key * % Key e Reciprocal Key Е 

* Sigma Key (Automatic Memory Accumulator) = 

+ AC Adoptor/Charger Included « Nickel-Cad 

Batteries Included « Fully Depressed Keyboard for 

Easy Finger Use • Size: 3” x 6"x 114” 


О Gane 
Blanche 


1 digits) 


Ai 


ting. lnc. PB 
607A Courlry Club De, Bensenville, IIL 60106 
Сап Toll Free: 800.323.2408 Illinois Cal 312-595-0461 


PLAYBOY 


Cointreau...the artof lingering. 


Pronounced "Kwan-tro." 


There is a time for slowness. 

Atime for not pushing it. 

Atime for reveling inthe 
deliciousness of the moment. 
Moment of firelight, 

friendship, music, love. 

This is the moment for Cointreau. 
Clear dry, elegant Cointreau with 

its whisper of orange. Imported 

from France. And today the best selling 
brand of liqueur in the world. 
Because everywhere in the world 
there are people who believe that the 
secret of the good life may be found 
inthe Artof Lingering. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


an interchange of ideas between reader and editor 


on subjects raised by “the playboy philosophy" 


WHITE HOUSE AIDE ON POT 
I was pleased to see that Dr. Robert 
L. Dupont, head of the White House Spe- 
cial Action Office for Drug Abuse Pre- 
vention, has stated publicly, "Criminal 
penalties have clearly failed to prevent 
widespread use of marijuana.” Dupont 
addressed Tast November's conference of 
the National Organization for the Reform 
of Marijuana Laws (NOR ML), and his 
appearance before that organization may 
n itself be a sign that the Administration 
is adopting a more progressive approach 
to pot. Dupont was unwilling to call for 
an end to marijuana prohibition, but he 
said that "the key question today is wheth- 
cr the benefits of deterrence are 
at_a lower social cost than the current 
criminal sanctions. I think that they are.” 
I endorse Dupont's remarks, but I 
would go further. The current marijuana 
aws should be done away with because 
they are unjust. The possibility that n 
juana may have harmful effects 
bad ground for making it illegal: 


is a 
it is 
possible to obtain many harmful drugs 


legally in this country. The real basis for 
чапа laws is unreasoning prej- 
udice, and arguments about posible 
harmful effects are merely an excuse. It's 
good to see a more rational attitude in the 
White House concerning pot, but we've 
still got a long way to go. 
James Tobin 
Chicago, Illinois 


THE LAW'S DELAY 
Attorney Gencral Willi. 
announced that he would “ 
change in the marijuana laws" but that 
he will enforce the present laws as long 
as they are on the books. This is such 
typical politician's thinking that it makes 
t you just 
official saying 
welcome an easing of the laws 
ast witchcraft, but until there is a 
inge, he will go on roasting little old 
‘This is known as responsible con- 
servatism. It is actually just an e 
for continuing to be stupid and sadistic 
when you know better. 
D. Stevenson 
St. Louis, Missouri 
More willing to join the 20th Century 
was U.S. Attorney Earl J. Silbert of 
Washington, D.C., who announced that 
his office would no longer prosecute 
people possessing small amounts of mari- 
juana. The plan fell victim to the capital's 
Byzantine politics, and Silbert was forced 
to cancel it. The Washington Post hinted 


me laugh—a little wildly. С 
hear some 
he'd 


16th Centu 


that the District's police department, after 
months of talks and a private agreement 
on the proposal, atiacked it when Silbert 
announced it. According to the Post, pres- 
sure to drop the plan also came from 
Silbert's boss, Saxbe, prior to his resigna: 
lion as Atlorney General. An assistant 
explained that Saxbe “feels you have to 
enforce the law.” 


LIKE OLD TIMES IN TEXAS 

Remember the horrible 
young people who were caught with 
mall amounts of marijuana in Tes 
in the 1960s and sent away for long pris. 
on sentences? Well, it's about to happen 
again—in 1975. 

In 1972. freelance writer Brent Stein 
was arrested in Dallas, Texas, for al 
legedly possessing about 1/18 ounce of 
marijuana, At the time, Brent was writ 
ing under the name Stoney Burns for 
an underground newspaper. He was 
stopped by police late one night and a 
search of his automobile reportedly un- 
covered enough marijuana lor two or 
сез in his glove compartment. 
Brent was subsequently convicted of 

i and, though a first 
offender, was sentenced by а Dallas jury 
to the cruelly exact term of ten years and 
one day in prison. At that time, he could 
h: jved a sentence of from two ye: 
to life in prison. By imposing a sentence 
in excess of ten years, the jury precluded 
any legal possibility that the presiding 
judge might suspend the sentence or 
grant Brent p 

Now the Texas Court of Criminal Ap- 
peals has upheld Brent’s conviction, even 
though Texas has reduced its marijuan: 
penalties. Since this is Brent's first offense, 
under the current Texas law he would be 
subject to a maximum six-month misde- 
meanor sentence, ically, the legi 
ture intended this new law to apply 
retroactively to people, like Brent, who 
had received longer sentences under the 
provisions of the old law. But the retro- 
active provisions of the new law were 
recently held unconstitutional by the 
Texas Court of Criminal Appeals, as ai 
unlawful intrusion into the governor's 
power to pardon and parole. 

So Brent, now 31, is left in no man's 
land. He faces the very real future of a 
ten-year prison sentence for an offense 
that would now be considered minor and 
would be routinely dealt with by a pro- 
bated sentence. 

Last year, Governor Dolph Briscoe 


stories of 


@ 21. 


Nobody's been making satin sheets for 1 years, 
Except us! The secret? We know what we're di 

We use only the softest acetate satin, 225 x 78 
thread count. (Some people don't!) Our sheets are 
completely MACHINE WASHABLE. And we offer 12 
colors for regular or round beds! NEW Hot Pink, 
Tangerine, Cold, Red, Black, Bronze, Blue, Silver, 
Fink, White, Mint or Orchid. Isn't it time you came. 
of age with satin? 

‘SHEET SETS (2 straight sheets, 2 cases) 
Double Set $23.98 Queen Set $21.95 
Twin Set 22.98 King Set. 32.50 
Round 84” Set 48.50 Round 96” Set 54.95 


3 letter monogram on 2 cases—$2.50 
For fitted bottom sheet, add $2.00 to double or twin 
price; $2.50 to queen: $3.00 to king price. Round 
hottom sheets are fitted, Odd sizes, on request. 
Send check or т.о. 50% de 


SCINTILLA,® INC. ane 


Free 40-Page Color Catalog of all Our 
`$айп Fashions With Every Order! 


Now that you've grown 
a moustache... 
make i it the greatest! 


MOUSTACHE 
WAX 


А must for styling, 
grooming and 


controlling LILAC 
moustaches, side- VEGETAL 


burns and After Shave L 
beards О Refreshing, Soothing. 
"Tones the skin. 
Brisk masculine scent. 
SPECIAL OFFER: Pinaud 
Moustache Wax, plus FREE styling 
comb/brush, and introductory size 
of Lilac Vegetal After Shave. 
Only $2.00 postpsi 


PENAUD 002 Brosdway, New York, N.V. 10010 
Please send. sels of Pinaud Speciol 
Offer ot $2.00 per set. No CO.D.'s. 


Check shade(s) Chestnut[] Brown 
Neutral (White ] Blonde) Black 


[мын و‎ ls 
Rag E eoe 47 
City. State. 


PLAYBOY 


48 


ounced that through a plan called 
ct Star he would seek an expedited 
"review by the board of pardons of all 
firstoffense marijuana possessors con- 
victed for possessing quantities of four 
ounces or less." 

NORML is asking all concerned 
people to contact Governor Briscoe (State 
Capitol, Austin, Texas 78711) to request 
that he immediately use his pardon and. 
parole powers to avoid this impending 
tragedy and injustice. 

R. Keith Stroup, Executive Director 

National Organization for the Reform 

of Marijuana Laws 

Washington, D.C. 

Stein is now in prison, awaiting what 
ever action may be taken by Governor 
Briscoe and the Texas Board of Pardons 
and Paroles. Stein was a prominent polit- 
ical dissenter who defeated two previous 
efforts to convict him on politically те- 
lated charges. His friends claim this is 
what motivated the Dallas jury to give 
him such an excessive sentence. 


Pr 


FIENDS AND NUTS 
Motorcycling over the buck roads of 
the scenic upper Illinois River valley one 
sunny t fall, I reined the big Duke 
up at a restaurant for a warm drink. In 
the parking lot, I observed an enlighten- 
ing spectacle: Side by side were two 
one displaying bumper stickers urging 
KEGISTER. COMMUNISTS, NOT GUNS and GUNS 
DON'T KILL, PEOPLE ро, along with a Na 
tional Rille Association decal on the 
windshield. The other was plastered with 
such appeals as POT PRISONERS NEVER HAVE 
A NICE DAY and REFORM MARIJUANA 
Laws. The drivers, who had both pulled 
in at the same moment, contemplated 
each other with silent, heavy-lidded an- 
tipathy as though each saw the other's 
vehicle as being covered with pure shit. 
I nearly laughed out loud at these blind 


of gun fanciers alleged to number some 
22.000.000 nationwide. In the other was 
a member of an army of marijuana dev- 
otees estimated at around 20,000,000. 
Each nifested obvious contempt for 
the others advertised divertissement. 
Why? In my opinion, both have become 
dupes of a conditioned reflex induced by 
the mass media. 

For years now, I have sten reports 
to homes on nar- 
colic raids and finding marijuana, along 
with unregistered guns, hard drugs and 
revolutionary literature. Today, the word 
marijuana print conjures up in the 
minds of the masses visions of saturnali 


ciated with no other soc 
are just plain mariju 
As for gun buffs: 


1 bugaboo, but 
users. Just t 
Former astronauts, 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


a survey of events related to issues raised by “the playboy philosophy" 


COLLEGIATE COHABITATION 

A study conducted by a Cornell Uni- 
versity psychologist and published in 
Psychology Today magazine says that col- 
legians, at least at Cornell, are shacking 
up in ever greater numbers; 31 percent of 
all undergraduates report having lived 
with someone of the opposite sex for at 
least three months. Dr. Eleanor D. Mack- 
lin concludes {тот her survey that co- 
habiting students are not necessarily 
planning to marry but that living to- 
gether is the modern verston of getting 
pinned or going steady. The study also 
shows that only five percent of male engi- 
neering students [roe with single women, 
compared with 60 percent of male arts 
and science students; that 80 percent of 
the cohabiters try to conceal it from their 
parents; and that virtually no parents ap- 
prove of the practice, 

In Austin, two enterprising coeds at 
the University of Texas advertised in the 
Student newspaper that they would rent 
out their address as a front for female 
students who don't want their parents 
to know they ате living in sin, After three 
days in the paper, the ad drew only two 
calls from curious reporters and numer- 
ous calls from girls similarly looking for 
ghost roommates who would contribute 
to the rent but stay with their boyfriends. 


ITS A MAN'S WORLD 

EASTHAMPTON, — MASSACHUSETTS—State 
police raided а large stag party for a 
prospective bridegroom and charged a 


31-year-old woman entertainer with com- 
matting an unnatural act and participat- 
ing in an immoral show. About 75 men 
were attending the parly, but none was 


Е 


arrested. A police spokesman explained 
that there is no law against watching ob- 
scene acts, just against performing them, 


OLD TIMES REMEMBERED 

BOsTON—A person who can vividly re- 
member his first drink from years earlier 
may be especially prone to alcoholism, 
according to a (сат of Harvard Medical 
School researchers. Their study, published 
in The Archives of General Psychiatry, 
found that normal drinkers could recall 
little about the first time they took a 
drink, while those for whom alcohol later 
became a problem had 100 percent accu- 
racy in remembering such details as how 
old they were, what they drank, how 
much they had, who they were with and 
so forth. "The vivid clarity and recall of 
detail after many years also impresses one 
that the first drink to the alcoholic was 
something very different from the first 
drink jor the nonalcoholic,” the research- 
ers say. They suggest that for some people 
alcohol may have a unique biological ef- 
fect and that their indelible memory of 
the event may indicate their susceptibility 
to alcoholism. 


SMOKING AT THE WHEEL 

VANCOUVER, BRIT coLumBIA—Tests 
conducted al the University of British Co- 
lumbia indicate that marijuana smoking 
can significantly impair driving ability. 
The experiment involved 43 men and 21 
women driving cars both on a special 
course and on city streets after having 
smoked strong, weak or fake marijuana 
cigarettes. According to Dr. Harry Klon- 
off, a professor of psychiatry, the subjects 
who recewed the real pot tended to show 
decreased awareness, caution and driving 


shill. 


NALTIES UNDER STUDY 

WASHINGTON, D.C—AL the urging of 
Deputy Attorney General. Laurence. Sil- 
berman and other drug ofjicials, the Drug 
Enforcement Administration has begun a 
study to determine whether there is a way 
to end jail sentences for possessing small 
amounts of pot and, at the same time, 
maintain a strong legal deterrent. DEA 
director John R. Bartels, Jr., said the ma- 
jor proposal under study is a civil penalty 
similar to the year-old Oregon law that 
sets a maximum $100 fine for pos 
of less than an ounce of pot. 


sion 


CANDID COP 

HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT —A Connecti- 
cut state trooper has been forced to resign 
after marijuana was found in his patrol 
car and he ofjered a candid explanation 


for its presence. He told his superiors that 
he kept the pot in his cruiser in case he 
needed it to plant on a suspect. 


BARTER AND BIRTH CONTROL 
BANGKOK,  THAILAND—Contrace ptives 
are being used as money under a gouem- 
ment program to popularize birth control 
in the rural areas of Thailand. According 
to family-planning officials, the idea is 
to break down cultural inhibitions and 


embarrassment concerning birth control 
by encouraging prople to barter condoms 
and contraceptive pills for goods and sert- 
ices. For example, the bus fare into the 
town of Bang Lamung from several out- 
lying villages is 12 rubbers. 


TRUTH AND CONSEQU 

спіслсо— Те American Civil Liber- 
lies Union has filed a Federal suit on 
behalf of a 28-year-old man who was te- 
fused a job as a fireman in suburban Elk 
Grove Village because of one teenage 
homosexual experience. The applicant, 
who is married and has two children, 
and who scored in the top six percent 
of the civil-service examination, disclosed 
the incident during a pre-employment lie- 
detector test. The suit argues that this was 
“а constitutionally impermissible basis for 
denying public employment, in violation 
of the due-process and equal-protection 
clauses of the 14th Amendment. 


ICES 


SAFER SEX FOR SINGLES 

MADISON—Wisconsin's law banning the 
sale of contraceptives to unmarried people 
has been struck down by a three-judge 
Federal court. For the past several years, 
certain church groups and individual 
opponents of birih control had managed 
to defeat efjoris to repeal the law in the 
legislature. 


ROLL THE PRESSES 

NEW vonk—4 Brooklyn Federal judge 
has invalidated the seizure by school offi- 
cials of a Farmingdale high school stu- 
dent newspaper containing articles on 
contraception and abortion. Judge Mark 
Costantino ruled that the four-page sex- 
education supplement in the confiscated 
paper was “serious in tone and obviously 
intended to convey information rather 


than appeal to prurient interests? The 
judge then enjoined school officials from 
preventing distribution of the paper, cit- 
ing First Amendment guarantees of free- 
dom of expression. 


M. 


DATORY SENTENCE 

miami—Despite a leniency plea from 
his victim, a 15-year-old convicted rapist 
has been sentenced to 30 years in prison. 
The circuit-court judge who passed sen- 
tence said he was bound by state law, 
which specifies 30 years to life for the 
crime of rape. 


IF YOU CAN'T LICK "EM, ZONE "EM 

noston—The Boston Zoning Comm 
sion has voted to designate two down- 
town blocks as an adult-entertainment 
district and 10 restrict the spread of por- 
nography shops, adult theaters and strip 
joints in other paris of the city. The dis- 
trict, known as the combat zone, already 
is dominated by adult-cntertainment busi- 
nesses. Similar businesses elsewhere will 
not be required to close but no пеш ones 
will be permitted to open. 


DIRTY TRICK OF THE MONTH 
манме Тһе Nashville police de- 
partment has ordered its vicesquad. offi- 
cers not to have sexual intercourse with 
women they plan to arrest for prostitu- 
tion. The order stems from a massage- 
parlor raid in which two policemen 
engaged in scx with two female employces 


before identifying themselves as officers 
and making If arrests. A police official 
said that such devotion to duty “has 
not been a policy in the past and will 
not be a policy in the future" and or- 
dered the arresting officers to get a health- 
department examination. 


ies, sports figures, cartoon- 
ists, columnists, labor leaders, singers, 
bandleaders, clergymen, all have been 
enlisted in the moral assault on those who 
cherish their right to bear arms. The me- 
dia have methodically identified the ma- 
jority of legitimate gun owners with the 
minority of kooks, assassins, f: ics of 
the left and right and criminals who mis- 
rms. The dictionary of contem- 
raging 
Old 


references to our quick-draw societ 
West instincts and frontier mentality- 

So, there sat two guys, each doubtless 
knowing himself to be a victim of propa- 
ganda, but each completely snowed con 


a gun nut. If these two ever 

together, I mused silently— 

will never let that happen 
Keith W. Wilson 
Chicago Heights. Illinois 


THE HOME INVADERS 
One night last September, at about 
three AM, a group of longhaired in- 
wuders crashed a shotgun through the 
bedroom window of the home of a 68- 
-old lady living alone in Colorado 
Springs. The woman ran into her kitch- 
en, opened the back door and saw another 
group of men standing outside. 
them was pointing a gun st 
she says, She slammed the door shut and 
locked it. She heard the outside screen 
door being torn off and ran into the li 
ing room of her threcroom bungalow 
in time to sce her front door kicked in 
and several longhaired and bearded men 
rush into the room. The invaders began 
furiously rummaging through the house. 
It wasn't а visit from a Colorado branch 
of the Manson family. Rather, it was 
what's become an all-too-common occur- 
тепсе, the invasion of an innocent per- 
son's home by Federal agents. In this 
the men thought they had seen а 
suspected heroin pusher emerge from the 
lady's house. Once they realized their 
аке, they were polite and apologetic 
and promised to pay for the damage. 
Whether they can adequately compensate 
the woman for putting her through an 
experience that would literally kill many 
elderly people, I seriously doubt. 
Hansen 
Denver, Colorado 


PRISONERS’ AID PROJECT 
The Georgeville Commur 
committed to helping prisonei 
world people exchange ideas and infor- 
mation, began two years ago when we set 
up quarters in this rural community. The 
project is directed by my wife, Sharlane, 
and me; I’m the founder and former pub- 
lisher of Penal Digest International. We 
now have our own printing and publish 
ing plant and we are gathering material 
for a book of information for prisoners, 
ex-prisoners and their families, which may 
be the most comprehensive publication of 


49 


PLAYBOY 


50 


EXCITING 
SATIN 
SHEETS 


OURS ARE MACHINE WASHABLE 
NOW 12 LUSCIOUS COLORS 
YES, THE SAME 225 THREAD COUNT 


colors Black, Scarlet Red, 
Honey Gold, Royal Blue, Emerald 
Green, Silvertone White, Lavender 
Florida Orange, Deep Purple, Pedal 
Pink, Powder Blue & Canary Yellow. 
Each Entire Set includes: 

1 straight top sheet 

1 fitted bottom sheet. 

2 matching pillow cases 


2 sigh top sheets 
2 matching pillow cases 


Twin sets $18.00 Queen sets $24.00 
Double sets $2000 King sets $27.00 
(For Full Size Beds) 
Round 84” sets, fitted, $40.00 
Round 96" sets, fitted, $45.00 
No Charge For Postage 
Send check or money order 
% deposit on C.O.D; 
REGAL SATINS, INC. 
315 Hwy 35 Dept. Р 
Eatontown, N.J. 0772. 


CONDOMS BY MAIL! 
All nationally advertised brands 


Imagine getting 100 condoms in а single package—by 


тпай Population Planning, the most respected retailer of 
birth control products. offers you the largest selection of 
men's contraceptives available anywhere т the country. 
includingall Trojan products. the popular new JADE (ахай: 
эше only Irom РРА). Fourex, NuForm and 26 other 
nationally advertised brands Our illustrated 20-page cal 

Жор offers non-prescrintin contraceptives for men and 

women. birth contro! pills by prescription. a large selec 

Yon of books on sex and brit control, posters, salin 

sheets, clothes and much more 

Dur lamous condom sampler packages (S3 & $6) let you 

iry top quality brands anc choose for yoursell Or for lan- 

tastic savings why nol try the new "Super 100” sampler 

OL 100 leacing condoms. 28 brands (а $30 value tor just 

5207) Fere ı5 our guarantee. H you do nol agree that 

PPA's sampler packages. llustrated catalog and overall 

service are the best avaiable anywhere. we wil relund 

Tour maney = no questons ated 
Population Папар. Dept PBZ M 

|. 10% Columbia St Chapel WILNC.2794 o 

Population Planning, Dept. PBZ-11 

ТОВА Columbia St Chapel Hil, N.C. 27514 

Gentlemen, please send in plain package 

C Sampler of 12 assorted condoms (4 different brands) 
plus calalog. $3 
Deluxe Sampler of 22 assorted condoms (8 different 
brands including shins) plus catalog. 86 

CISüper 100 Sampler of 100 assorted condoms (28 dit 
Terent brands) plus catalog, $20. 

C Mustatea catalog alone (lesures condoms, satin 
sheets. posters, Books on sex and birth control and 
more), 25e 

Name 

Address 


City 


its sort ever put together. It will be of- 
fered free to county, state and Federal in- 
mates and will deal with such subjects as 
organizing communities, communications 
and public relations, nutrition, prenatal 
and infant care, jobs, parole plans, legal 
resources, educational opportunities, the 
penal press and organizations that will 
help prisoners and their families. Sugges- 
tions for material to be included in the 
book should be sent to the Gcorgeville 
Community Project, Georgeville, Minne- 
sota 36312. 

We are applying to the FCC for a 1 
cense for an educational radio station 
that will provide training for prisoners 
and ex-prisoners interested in broadcast 

We also have financial assistance 
lable for prisoners who have expe 
ence in the graphic arts. 

Joseph W. Grant 
Georgeville, Minnesota 


ing. 


THE PENDULUM 

А few years ago, the news from Yale 
was the huge demonstration on behalf of 
the Black Panthers, The latest news is the 
restoration of Claes Oldenburg's giant 
lipstick sculpture and a new student pas- 
time: seeing how many kids can stuff 
themselves into a library study cubicle. 
Last fall was the tenth anniversary of the 
ee Speech Movement at Berkeley. 
day there аге more fraternities at Berk 
ley than ever and the students take for 
granted the freedom to conduct political 
activity on campus. Time magazine calls 
today's college kids the "Selfcentered 
Generation.” The times are most 
ing for what they are not 
not prosperous, not creative. 

Wall, as one who cheered for the coun- 
terculture, Tm not downcast. There's 
nothing wrong with being self-centered; 
it’s a healthier motive for wanting to 
change the world than a false or naive 
altruism. Many do-gooders are phony, 
while people who say they are self-cen- 
tered are usually sincere. And, in any 
event, the world will change. These things 
run in cycles. The hippies were the more 
numerous and more influential descend- 
ants of the beatniks. Similarly. within ten 
years, the flower children and the New 
Left, under new names, will be back, more 
powerful than ever. Because of the 
groundwork laid by the cultural revolu- 
tion of the Sixties, the next one will be 
bigger and better. 

William Martin 
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 


terest 


not exciting, 


ROMANTIC ADVICE 

I think The Playboy Advisor is guilty 
of romanticism in telling M. P. that three 
aboutto-be-married girls who had sex 
with him must have had the same syn- 
drome that provokes men into last-fling 
bachelor parties (October 1974). Come 
off it, Advisor. There is a simpler answer. 

Notice that each girl apparently made 
the initial contact and cach started the 


conversation by asking why M. P. had 
never screwed them on carlier dates. 
Notice, too, that initially M. P. was a 
virgin, but apparently none of the three 
girls was virginal. 

I suspect each girl was experienced 
sexually, doubtless having grown accus- 
tomed to frequent intercourse with her 
fiancé (at least), was alone for a time, had 
a normal horny urge and thought of an 
old boyfriend who would probably re- 
spond if encouraged. They all may have 
actually been puzzled as to why M. P. had 
never tried to fuck them, since other men 
had tried and succeeded. An innocent 
man is as intriguing to women as an intact 
hymen is to men. 

It wasn't, as M. P. imagined, that he 
was giving the girls a line, No, they were 
obviously giving him a line and it's one 
that girls have been using for centuries. 
I've used variations of it myself. My older 
sister told me about it, back in my high 
school days, when I had the hots for 
boy who wasn't giving me what I wanted 
What better way to get a guy into your 
pants than to ask him why he hasn't al- 
ready been there? What more obvious 
way to interest him in your naked body 
than talking about it, or about your swim- 
suit and what it does or doesn’t cover, your 
bra or other lingerie, nudist camps, 
streaking or bare-ass swimming? 

Back when most girls wore slips, I 
used to start out many dates by standing 
in front of a window or fireplace or 
bright light and asking my date, in pre- 
tended seriousness, if he thought I was 
showing too much by not wearing a slip 
(1 always managed to show as much as I 
could), Later, I would confess I really 
was only worried about what others might 
sce and that I really had wanted him 10 
have such a naughty view, but hoped he 
wouldn't think I was just awful in want- 
ing him to be interested in my body. This 
is а never-fail approach with a man who 
hasn't taken the initiative himself. A 
little positive, unmistakable expression of 
willingness to show one's feminine charms 
will tum almost any guy from а bashful 
or uncertain partner into a dynamic one. 

As D say, every woman knows th: 
Maybe The Playboy Advisor should trade 
in his gothic novels for more uptodate 
reading, like, for example, the rest of 
PLAYBOY- 


(Name withheld by request) 
Washington, D.C. 


SEX AT AN EARLY AGE 

At the age of 14, I was initiated into 
sexual intercourse by а beautiful, under- 
standing and erotically adept woman of 
about 35. She was a guest in our home 
while her husband was absent and she 
and I were alone in the house during the 
day. She brought me to an erection and 
then she got on top and we started 
screwing. 

She exploited my capacity, supposedly 
common in tcenage males, for multiple 


orgasms. She caused me to ejaculate in 
her three times, holding my penis by 
contracting her pubococcygeus muscle. 1 
was worried at the time by her violent 
contortions and the way she moaned like 
a hurt child: now I know these signaled 
orgasms. Our affair continued for weeks. 
Each encounter consisted of an initial 
penetration with multiple orgasms on 
my part and several subsequent. penetra- 
tions with single ejaculations. All the 
while, she experienced overlapping rapid- 
fire orpasms. 

Eventually, she left our home and I 
never saw her again. 1 have always won- 
dered if all this did me any harm. Most 
of the women Гуе told about it thought 
it was destructive and perverse 

Jt would be interesting to know how 
other people react to this experience of 
minc. Although it took. place over а gen- 
eration ago, it's true even today that 
most people object to the idea of sex be 
tween a teenager and an older person. 
And even though the double standard is 
unfashionable, I think most people 
would be more likely to tolerate an older 
woman seducing a young boy than they 
would an older man initiating an adoles- 
cent girl. I doubt that even in these en- 
lightened times we're capable of thinking 
rationally about cross-generational sex. 

The only adverse effect I've noticed is 
that in my long history of erotic encoun- 
ters, I've met only one woman who was 
as uninhibited as that first one. Expect- 
ing relationships in which women took 
the initiative, I was usually disappointed. 
On the positive side, I learned a lot at 
an сапу age about female sexuality and 
I've put this knowledge to good usc. The 
experience certainly didn't diminish my 
drive. I'm 58 now and women have 
accused me of ejaculating “Like a horse.” 
How they know so much about horses, I 
can't imagine. 

(Name withheld by request) 
El Cerrito, California 


SOMETHING ELSE 
Ms. Something is the pseudonym of a 
79-year-old lady who is bringing cheer to 
all of us by testifying that the sex drive 
need never fade away, much less die. 1 
read her story in The Oregon Siatesman 
are better than 36-24-36: 


and her statisti 
In the 28 ye: she be 
Ms. Something has had 
men, some lasting part of an evening, one 
for 15 years. Her lovers have ranged from 
a 15-year-old boy to an 82-year-old man, 
The later seduced her with this line: 
“The Bible says we should be like chil- 
dren, so let's take our clothes off.” I'm 
going to remember that one. 

Ms. Something (who conceals her name 
10 avoid upsetting friends and neighbors) 
tells about her sex life on a video tape 
that is presented in a class оп aging and 
retirement at the University of Wash- 
ington. To what does she owe her felic- 
ity: Well, she practices transcendenta 


me а widow, 


s with 


the new one 
the only one! 


JANE EAST 


| SNE 
COLOGNE ciri 
AFLOZS 


Musk oil cologne is the most popular scent around today, 
but new Jade East MUSK OIL COLOGNE is the only 
one that keeps its promise. 


* Sensually exotic fragrance • Wildly stimulating powers 
* Exciting, subtly appealing scent * Long, lingering effects 
e Individual cologne that lets you be you 
New Jade East MUSK OIL COLOGNE —not just another 
promise. $5.00. SWANK, Inc., Sole Distributor. 


51 


PLAYBOY 


52 


meditation, but I think her real secret is 
that she simply doesn't believe that sex 
must stop because you are aged or have 
lost your mate. According to the news 
story: “She says she never had difficulty 
meeting men and gives all credit to having 
a cozy fireplace where she would invite 
prospective companions to come and s 
Ms. Something, I love you. 
R. Sherman 
Seattle. Washington 


DIDDLING A DUCK 
From The Wichita Beacon comes this 
thought provoking item: 


Answering a complaint of a dis- 
turbance inside a parked car in the 
400 block of East 21st, police sa 
they found [a 34-year-old Wichita 
man] in an unnatural sex act with 
a duck. 

He vas arrested for lewd conduct, 
a misdemeanor, and released pend- 
ing an appearance in municipal 
court. 

The duck, apparently taken from 
a city park, was turned over to park 
authorities, police said. 


Well, I've made it with a number of 
dogs, a moose or two, lots of chicks and 
several bombshells, and J think that the 
state has no business arresting this good 
п just for fucking а duck. 

(Name withheld by request) 
Wichi ansas 

The question is whether or not this was 
a sexual act between consenting adults 
in private. Because the item refers to a 
duck rather than to a duckling, we may 
assume that the sex partner was of age. 
The fact that the act occurred in a parked 
car on a public street raises the question 
of privacy, however, and there is evidence 
that the duck did not give its consent. If 
the disturbance involved loud quacking, 
flapping of wings and loss of feathers, it 
would scem to us that the duck could 
very plausibly allege rape; and if the 
duck was, in fact, taken from a city park, 
we have, it would seem, a clear case of 
abduction. 


LEGAL PORNOGRAPHY 

The reading that law students have 
to do is ordinarily pretty dry, but once in 
awhile, one's eyes chance upon something 
unique. In the 1945 case of Lason us. 
State, the Florida Supreme Court held 
that the term “abominable and detestable 
crime against nature” includes the acts of 
fellatio and cunnilingus. This is not a sur- 
prising opinion, considering the time and 
the place. What makes the case interest- 

ig is some of the language quoted in the 
decision. The accused's attorney argued 
that fellatio is not forbidden by Flori 
law and appeal brief, he asked the 
court: 


Does the one specific crime defi- 
nitely defined and limited by [the 
statute] comprehend or include the 


action of a 76-year-old, aged Indi: 
War veteran, feeble physically and 
mentally, in, after having met the 
two girls of 11 and 13 years of age 
who solicited him, went to his resi- 
dence and there they both get on the 
bed, pull up their dresses and drop 
down their panties, when he in turn 
on bis back in the same bed allowed 
them to diddle with his raglike penis, 
uncrectable, lifeless and useless ex- 
cept to connect the bladder with the 
outside world for more than six years 
since the death of his wife, utterly in- 
capable of either penetration or emis- 
sion, and wad it like a rag into their 
mouths, and then, feeble and 
aged condition, impelled by the ir- 
resistible impulse, in turn, he would 
kiss and put his tongue in their 
little though potentially influenti: 
and powerful vaginas? 


Repeating this question in full, the 
court answered, in effect, yes. І submii 
that the attorney who authored the query, 
W. W. Flournoy of De Funiak Springs, 
Florida, deserves some sort of recognition. 

Gregory J. Cook 
Marquette Univ 
Milwaukee, Wiscon: 

In keeping with our custom of dispens- 
ing awards at the drop of a letter, we here- 
by bestow on W. W. Flournoy of De 
Funiek Springs the Warren Burger 
Award for Literary Excellence in Legal 
Writing. 


ty 


ANATOMIC DISCRIMINATION 

lt was with mixed emotions of delight 
and despair that I read Paul Vogel's let- 
ter (The Playboy Forum, October 1974) 
regarding my dismissal of a complaint of 
indecent exposure against a female streak- 
er because the state had failed to prove 
that her genitals were exposed. Vogel 
contends that New Hampshire law dis- 
criminates against men. State law provides 
that a person is guilty of a misdemeanor 
if he or she "exposes his genitals or per- 
forms any other act of gross lewdness 
under circumstances which he should 
know will likely cause affront or alarm.” 
Any discrimination lies not in the law 
but in the difference between male and 
female anatomy. "Allront or alarm" is 
the kind of vague statutory language that 
makes it all but impossible to arrive at 
an objective determinati 

In New Hampshire, to my knowledge. 
we have not yet faced Vogel's hypotheti- 
cal instance of a female walking nude on 
a shiny floor or wearing patent-leather 
shoes. While such a set of facts might 
stimulate the imagination, it seems to me 
unlikely to change the results of an at 
tempted prosecution. A New Hampshire 
woman, who called for my removal from 
the bench on the grounds that a judge 
should know that the genitals haye to be 
exposed if a woman is naked, suggested 
that my interpretation of the law would 
not permit a finding of guilty unless the 


woman were walking on air, with her 
head touching the ceiling. While we have 
able women in our state, 
mplished that feat. 
Judge Joseph P. 
Dover, New Hampsh 
You have some remarkable men in New 
Hampshire, too, such as John Eames, 
whose letter follows. 


FIGHTING D.A. 

As reported in The Playboy Forum 
(October 1974), I've been involved in a 
tedious and costly dispute with New 
Hampshire's attorney general over the 
showing of Deep Throat and The Devil 
in Miss Jones at a local theater owned by 
me and members of my family. Probably 
I'm the first county attorney to be 
charged as a public pornographer and 
one of the few who take the position that 
the First Amendment grants Americans 
the right to choose for themselves what 
books they will read or movies they will 
see. The jury acquitted us on six of the 
cight charges and deadlocked on the two 
others, but attorney general Warren B. 
Rudman has decided to retry me on the 
two hung jury cha 

It is estimated that the first trial cost 
the state and the county approximately 
$20,000, so the people up here are not too 
happy about going through the entire 
procedure again. Meanwhile, I am still 
suspended as the county attorney, al- 
though I won re-election last fall. 

John B. Eames 
County Attorney 
Woodsville, New Hampshire 

Congratulations on your re-election 

апа semivictory. 


FROM GRAVE... 

Bil Wilke of Sarasota, Florida, com: 
plains about a Catholic burial being de- 
nied a 27-year-old girl who had been ап 
abortion counselor (The Playboy Forum, 
December 1974). Surely any organization, 
be it a government, a church or a country 
club, has a right to expel members who 
refuse to abide by its rules. The position 
of the Catholic Church on abortion is 
quite clear. How, in all fairness, can any- 
one even think about a Catholic burial for 
a girl who lived a non-Catholic life? Опе 
wonders whether, if she could be consult- 
ed, she would even wanta Catholic burial. 

Emett Loera 
Los Angeles, California 


. . . TO CRADLE 

Stephen Gould is in error in stating 
that Catholic priests would refuse bap- 
tism to a child in order to punish it for 
its parents’ belief (The Playboy Forum, 
December 1974). In the case to which 
Gould refers, the mother supported the 
right of an abortion clinic to exist in 
her community. Her acceptance of the 
Church's teaching on abortion is ques- 
tionable, and a priest could not baptize 
a child if he were not sure its parents 
would raise it as a Catholic, 

An сусп more glaring error is Gould's 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous toYour Health. 


KAUMAN 


FAMOUS CIGARETTES 


FILTER TIPPED 


Pall Mall Gold 1005 


19 то, "ta^, 14 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report Oct 74. 53 


PLAYBOY 


E! 


What's the Return 
on Your Record Investment? 


Your largest hi-fi investment will probably be in your record collection. Yet it is 
generally known that the quality of music you hear from your records is determined 
primarily by your loudspeakers. 

The technology of DIRECT/REFLECTING® speakers offers you the opportunity to 
increase the return on your record investment. This technology, developed Írom 
twelve years of university research on musical acoustics!, brings music to your ears 
that is much closer to that of a live performance than can be achieved by conventional 
speakers. The result is a new dimension of clarity and realism. Owners comment they 
now hear music on their records never heard before. 

Compare a BOSE DIRECT/REFLECTING® speaker with any other in your own living 
room. You will appreciate why BOSE has received the highest reviews from around 
the world.? 


Your return on your record investment is, after all, measured by your enjoyment. 
Shouldn't you consider increasing it? 


1. The design, development, and technology behind the BOSE Direct/Reflecting® speakers is 
presented by Dr. Bose in the article, “Sound Recording and Reproduction,” published in 
TECHNOLOGY REVIEW (MIT), Vol. 75, No. 7, June '73. Reprints are available from BOSE 
for fifty cents 


2. For copies of the reviews. write BOSE Dept. BE. 


To locate your nearest BOSE dealer, call toll free, 800-447-4700. 


In Minois, call 800-322-4400. OSE 


The Mountain, Framingham, MA 01701 


statement “Should a child die unbap- 
it is condemned to limbo." No theo- 
logian 1 know would stake his life on the 
theory that God rejects the unbaptized 
child: in such matters. no one knows what 
God would do. 

Kenneth C. Rothacker 

Richmond Hill, New York 

Granting that the Lord could waive a 

few bureaucratic regulations and expe- 
dite the entry of unbaptized infants into 
the kingdom of heaven, our Catholic 
friends assure us that thousands of nuns 
have taught millions of parochial school 
children that babies who die unbaptized 
gel stuck in limbo. So there 


ONE RIGHT ANSWER 

You reply to my letter against legal 
abortion (The Playboy Forum, October 
1974) by stating that it is incongruous for 
people who oppose abortion to compare 
those who favor it to Nazis. You insinuate 
that antiabortionists are Nazilike be- 
cause we "say the state has а right to 
require women to bear children" and be- 
cause we “deny individuals the right of 
choice in moral questions.” First of all. 
requiring women to beget children, as the 
Nazis did, is not the same as requiring 
them то take responsibility for the pre- 
dictable result of a voluntary act. Second 
it is precisely in moral questions that 
опе docs not have a right of choice about 
how to act. In moral matters, ther 
only one right way to behave, though 
of course. men of good will may differ as 
to what that is. 

You also state “Nor do we claim that a 
fetus is not Homo sapiens" and add that 
"taxonomy is not morality." Well. legality 
isn't morality either and while a fetus may 
not at present have the legal rights of a 
person. it still has inalienable moral 
rights as à human being. 

Hugo Carl Koch 
New York, New York 

Because no contraceptive is perfect, 
total abstention from sex is the only way 
a woman can avoid all risk of pregnancy. 
And if she does become pregnant against 
her will, to deny her the right to terminate 
that pregnancy is to compel her to bear a 


child. If, as you admit, people of good 
will disagree on what is or isn’t moral, 


whose view do we accept? We think the 
final authority is the woman's own con 
science. Until someone comes up with a 
persuasive argument to the contrary that's 
acceptable to people of all religious be 
liefs—or no such beliefs—we'll stick to 
the view that a fetus isn't а person and 
doesn’! have inalienable human rights 


“The Playboy Forum” offers the 
opporiunity for an extended dialog be- 
tween readers and editors of this pub- 
lication on subjects and issues related to 
“The Playboy Philosophy.” Address all 
correspondence to The Playboy Forum, 
Playboy Building, 919 North Michi 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611 


namo www: BILLIE JEAN KING 


a candid conversation with the contentious superstar of women's tennis 


If, in these days of raised female con- 
sciousness, someone were 10 write а lib- 
erated version of the old “hard-working 
boy makes good” stories, he could find a 
ready made model in the sports world’s 
first genuine woman superstar. Billie Jean 
King is a living testimonial to the tradi- 
lion that anyone of modest. background 
who has talent, wants something badly 
enough and is willing to work his or her 
ass off can be successful. She's the best 
known tennis player in the 
world—and the richest; she's becoming à 
dynamic sporis promoter; and she's even 
launching а new career in television. 

Billie Jean was born November 22, 
1943, in Long Beach. California. She was 
а perfect child, “just a little angel,” says 
her mother, Betty Moffitt. But she hated 
doing the accepted little-girl things, pre- 
fering instead to spend her time in the 
back yard, playing catch with her father, 
Bill, now a 31-year veteran with the Long 
Beach Fire Department. To make ends 
meet, Moffitt moonlighted at nights in a 
plastics factory and Betty vang neighbor- 
hood doorbells as an Avon lady and was 
a Tupperware saleswoman. When Billie 
Jean was four, her father, who couldn't 
afford to buy hera baseball bat, serounged 
up a piece of wood and carved one 

Billie Jean developed fast, and for sev. 
eral years was the biggest kid in her class 
in school. By the time she was ten, she was 


woman 


“J realize now that being number one 
isn't glamorous. H's more like being the 
fastest gun in the West. You can never 
let up, because you have to prove yourself 
against all comers.” 


а real tomboy—though that’s a word she'd 
like 10 see stricken [rom our vocabulary. 
She loved to play football in front of the 
family home, especially if she could carry 
the ball. She never lost a race at the fire- 
men’s picnic, beating all comers—boys 
and girls alike. She played basketball and. 
was shortstop on a girls? softball team, 


on which she was the youngest player. 


en today, she recalls with pride one 
game in which she made a shoestring catch 
off а looping line drive, spun and threw 
to third to double off a runner—saving 
the game in the final inning. She was 
mobbed when she came off the field. It 
was her first taste of public adulation— 
and she loved il. She still does. 

Bul the Moffitts weren't keen on raising 
a halfback or a shortstop. Опе day her 
mother abruptly ended Billie Jean's foot- 
ball caveer—on the ground that it wasn't 
ladylike. Billie Jean asked her father what 
sport a girl could enter. Moffitt thought 
for a while, and finally suggested swim- 
ming—or tennis. 

“What's tennis?” asked Billie Jean. 

“Well, you тип a lot and hit a ball,” her 
father said. “I think you'll like it.” 

Billie Jean liked it. She did odd jobs 
for neighbors, raising a quarter here, 50 
cents there; her parents chipped in and 
she bought a nice new racket with ma- 
тооп nylon strings and а maroon han- 
dle, jor eight dollars. From the day of her 


GM A 
sud 


“People want realism, and sports provide 
that. What they see onscreen, or оп TV, 
is rehearsed, edited, cut. They see me 
sweating my guls out, missing the ball and 
getting angry. That's real.” 


first tennis lesson, in the Long Beach pub- 
lic parks, tennis has been her whole life— 
almost to the exclusion of everything else. 

“A few days after her first tennis 
game," her mother recalls, "Sister" —that's 
the family name for Billie [ean—"came 
home to tell her father and me, ‘I am 
going to be the best woman tennis player 
in the world. We took her at her word. 
She was and is the kind of girl who means 
what she says." 

Every moment she was not їп school 
Billie Jean spent on the courts or in the 
back yard, banging a tennis ball against 
an old wooden fence. Finally, she literally 
demolished it, so her Jather built a new 
one for her out of concrete blocks—and 
set up a spotlight to allow her to keep on 
practicing after dark. 

When she was 15, Billie [ean—or [illie 
Bean. as the sportswriters called her—won 
her first big tennis tournament. Three 
years later, she became the youngest per- 
son ever to win a doubles championship at 
Wimbledon. the shrine of world tennis— 
and the place where she would go on to 
take 18 titles in singles, doubles and 
mixed doubles. 

While attending Los Angeles State Gol 
lege, Billie Jean met Larry King. a hand- 


some blond prelaw student one year her 
After а two-year courtship, inter- 
rupted constantly by the demands of her 
burgeoning tennis career, Larry proposed 


junior. 


TERRY O'NEILL 

I don't like to win against men. But 
there are young women on the staf] of our 
magazine who say, ‘Oh, I love to beat my 
boyfriend, because he gets so upset.’ Well, 
now, that’s got to be a switch!" 


55 


PLAYBOY 


56 


Brut for Men. 


If you have 
any doubts 
about yourself, 
iry 


something else. 


After shave, after shower, after anything. 
Brut®lotion by Faberge. 


in a Long Beach coffee shop—at two AM. 
the night before Billie Jean left for an 
expense-paid three-month trip lo Aus- 
tralia, where she was to take private les- 
sons from Mervyn Rose, a former Davis 
Cup player. Rose taught her a new fore- 
hand, a new service and a bold new 
strategic outlook on the game. 

Billie Jean and Lavry were married 
on September 17, 1965. The newlyweds 
moved into a little apartment not far 
from campus and Billie Jean stayed home 
that fast fall and winter—because she 
thought it important to be а good wife, 
in the old-fashioned sense. But she was 
unhappy. She still wanted to be number 
one. And Larry gave her his full support. 

The rest is tennis history. By 1971, 
Billie Jean had become the first woman 
athlete to have earned $100,000 in a year. 
As the most influential figure in the pop- 
ularization of the game in the past decade, 
she helped engineer the most talked-about 
tp in tennis when, in 1973, she defeated 
varold Bobby Riggs in a $100,000 
winner-take-all “Battle of the Sexes" in 
Houston's Astrodome. Now 31, and de- 
spite two operations on her knees, Billie 
Jean still plays a man's power game— 
rushing the net and glowering over it 
like an angry bear, serving and volleying 
with machinelike efficiency, relentlessly 
overpowering her opponents with a com- 
bination of strategy and speed. She runs 
down balls other players wouldn't even 
attempt to reach. Billie Jean King has 
reached the top by following a formidable 
daily training regimen. Every day she rises 
carly, and after several cups of coffee—if 
there's time, bacon and exgs—she is out 
on the court, any court, working out with 
other players. Drilling forehand, back- 
hand, cross court, down the line, for 
hows. At night, even while watching TV, 
she flails her legs around with 1l-and-a- 
half-pound lead weights attached to her 
ankles, which she claims arc her weakest 
point. 

Today, Billie Jean and Larry King are 
partners in King Enterprises, a multimil- 
lion-dollar business built around. Billie 
Jean's ability with a tennis racket. She 
endorses products ranging from tennis 
shoes to suntan lotion; publishes a maga- 
zine, WomenSports; recently signed а six- 
figure, two-year contract with ABC-TV to 
do tennis commentary, a women’s sports 
special and other projects; and is launch- 
ing a new syndicated TV series, “The 
Billie Jean King Show.” The Kings are 
also among the founders of World Team 
Tennis, the intercity tennis league that 
made its debut last year, As player-coach 
Jor the Philadelphia Freedoms, she be- 
came the fist woman coach in any major 
sport in the U.S. 

Billie Jean's open pursuit of money 
and fame has drawn criticism from ten 
nis purists, She answers: “They love you 
when you're coming up. But they don't 
like winners. And they especially don't 


like me, because I talk about money all 
the time. 

Actually, money is not the only subject 
Billie Jean talks about—outspokenly. In 
interviews, in editorials in her magazine, 
she's spearheading a revolution in wom- 
en's sports. Her platform is that they 
should be separate but equal in every 
way to men's sports. Billie Jean some- 
times operates like a Thirties labor or- 
ganizer, taking on all comers from the 
Amateur Athletic Union and the United 
States Lawn Tennis Association to male 


chauvinists everywhere. 

To find out what is really going on in 
the mind of the most colorful and con 
troversial woman athlete in sporis today, 
vLayuoy sent free-lancer Joe Hyams to in- 
terview Billie Jean. A tennis buff himself, 
Hyams recently collaborated on a book 
with Ms. King: “Billie Jean King’s Seciels 
of Winning Tennis.” His report: 

“Our first interview was scheduled for 
1:30 вм. at the Hilton Inn near the Spec- 
trum in Philadelphia, where the Free- 
doms were playing. 1 met Billie Jean by 
the newsstand; she was wearing a simple 
white blouse, faded and bagey blue jeans 
and a disgusted look on her face. ‘I defy 
you to find a copy of WomenSports here 
she said, reaching behind some magazines 
on the rack's lowest shelf and extricaling 
the current issue of her new publication. 
which she carefully placed on top. 

“In the hotel coffee shop, she ordered 
breakfast: a cheese omelet, по toast and 


lots of coffee. I was aware, as always, of 
how much prettier Billie Jean King is in 
person than on television or in photo. 
graphs. Off court she is soft, feminine, 
sexy—despite the glasses, а broad beam 
and a flat chest. Every time I see her, I'm 
reminded of Grace Kelly, who had equal- 
ly unimpressive vital statistics but was all 
woman—no question about it 

“During the first of what were to be 
several candid interviews, we were in- 
lewrupted half a dozen times by fans, 
mostly male, who asked for her auto- 
graph. Later, we drove in her rented rust- 
colored Ambassador sedan, which she calls 
the “taco wagon,” to the Spectrum for a 
workout with some of the Freedoms play- 
ers, and that night I watched as she and 
the Freedoms won their match against 
Denver, before a partisan. audience of 
7583. 

“Another day, after a tennis session at 
the Merrion Country Club, we drove in 
the taco wagon through a blinding vain 
storm across the rolling green Pennsyl 
vania countryside, en route to New York 
We paused al a McDonald's, where she 
ordered a Big Mac and a vanilla shake. 
‘1 used to live on 90 dollars а month, she 
recalled, ‘working as a park playground 
director und also standing in a cage at the 
college athletic department, giving out 
towels and equipment for women's gym 


classes. It was a big deal in those days for 
Larry and me to have a sundae. It cost 25 
cents, had two large scoops of vanilla ice 


cream and was great. As the Virginia Slims 
people would хау, “I've come a long way.” 
"The real question, thou here am I 
going? We began our last inte 
New York, on that note.” 


view, in 


PLAYBOY: This will be the first year that 
Billie Jean King has not played the entire 
Women’s Tennis Association circuit. Why 
did you decide to cut down so drastically 
at what would appear to be the peak of 
your career? 
KING: I'm not quitting tennis. ТЇЇ be play- 
ing in World Team Tennis. I'm just not 
playing the W.T.A. circuit this year. I 
would have liked to have left two years 
go, because 1 was so tired. It’s just not 
worth it to work, work. work, work all the 
time, as I have for the past 20 years. 
PLAYBOY: If you wanted ro leave two years 
ago, why didn't you? 
KING: I didn’t feel the 
the stage where I could. But there are a 
lot of good women tennis players around 
today. Maybe the first year it was true, as 
people keep saying, that E was the one who 
made it go; but not after five years. I want 
to have some time for myself now, as a 
person. And I need time to devote to 
some of my new interests. I'd like to spend 
more time on WomenSports, the m. 
azine I started with my husband, Larry. 
acd TV series, The 
And I'm going to 
leuthera 
" эс, I'd like to 
sce W.T-T. make it a big w 
But t M L. troublc? 
Aren't there a couple of franchises on the 
verge ol bankruptcy? 
KING: I think the future of W.T.T. looks 
better than it did a year ago. W.T.T. i 
here to stay: five years from now, it'll be 
unbelievable. One or two franchises may 
be in trouble, but out of 15 teams, with 
the economy ће way it is, T think t 
good. And ir looks as if Col; 
to get involved, putting up a Colgate Cup 
that we'd play for, like the Stanley Cup 
in hockey. They'd also help us sponsor a 
junior program in the cities where we 
tennis teams and they'd help us pay for 
TV time. With television, we have more 
credibility, as well as more exposure. 
Sometimes we h ng press 
coverage for team tennis. That's why Е 
pulled that stunt of trying to draft Bobby 
Riggs for the Philadelphia Freedoms, At 
least it made the papers. 
PLAYBOY: Jt j publi 
KING: Sure. I just couldn't resi: T also 
drafted Elton John, just for fun. I met 
him last September at a party; 1 have all 
his records at home. He's promised to 
write the Freedoms а song and he may 
even become a part owner. You know, it's 
= frustrated 
athletes, just like many athletes are frus- 
trated musicians. So І drafted Elton, to 
make him laugh. Which he did. 


12 


PLAYBOY: How do you feel about being 
a hustler for tennis? 

KING: I don't know if I'd use that word, 
You mean a promoter? I've alwa 
that way, I think. I think tenni 
thing to sell 10 people, whether they're 
ors. I'm hustling for 
something 1 believe in. 

PLAYBOY: Doesn't all that hustling some- 
how affect the purity of the game’ 
No. It makes it more pure. 
PLAYBOY: Why? 

KING: Because professional tennis, the kind 
we're promoting, is honest. It didn't used 
to be honest, in the so-called amateur days, 
when they called it a pure sport, It was 
very impure. Now everyone knows where 
he or she stands. It’s a lot с: it’s 
healthier; it’s aboveboard. 
PLAYBOY: As tennis hits gone from 
teur game to а big-money business, it's 
become possible for the players to get 
rich, as film stars, or roc 
ers, do. But, like them, you a 
to be manipulated by wheeler dealer: 
other words, isn't big money starting to 
pull the strings i 
KING: To a certain extent 
of pressure, people wanting 
here and there, sa Tl give you this 
deal or that deal.” For myself, I don't let 
myself be manipulated as much as I used 
10. If I don’t want to do something, I'm 
not going to do it anymore, Everything 
for theg 


There's а lot 


p vou to pl 


"s not healthy. 
You Know, it’s hard to have so many 
I'm lucky in that 1 have so many, 
when 1 was П or 12, you know, I 
id tunnel vision. АП 1 wanted was to be 
the world’s greatest tennis player. I may 
have thought it was tough when I was 
younger if I didn't haw gh money to 
buy the kind of d nted. But that 
problem was simple, although it might not 
scem so to the average family trying to 
make ends meet. Now I don't know which 
way to go. Ih пу oppor 
they drive me cr 
PLAYBOY: You've dy mentioned some 
of those opportunities that you've decided 
to embrace. Your television show, for in- 
stance. Tell us something about ii 
KING: I'm really excited about 
finished making the pilot, but w 
ably have 12 one-hour shows. 
on women who partici 


anities 


in their fields be ‘ed, the way men 
athletes are. We’ lot of music in 
the show, too, because Г want it to be fun 
as well as inform 
PLAYBOY: You're the hostess, the 
viewer on the show? 

KING: Yes. We'll have some guest reporters, 
too. Donna DeVarona, the Olympic swim 
mer—she won a couple of gold medals— 
was a guest reporter on the first show. We 
featured women drag-boat. racers, volley- 
ball players. And I'm going to 
Karen Mag 


nter- 


interview 
nussen. She's a skater, was an 


Brut 33 
Anti-Perspirant 
for Men. 
You won't have 


any doubts 
about yourself. 


FABERGÉ 


ULTRA DRY 
ANTPERSPIRANT 


x 


^ WADE USA is, 4 


Brut 33% — the onli-perspiront spray 
with the greot smell of Brut.” 


57 


PLAYBOY 


Olympic silver medalist; she works with 
the Ice Capades now. 

PLAYBOY: Will you feature only women on 
your show? 

KING: No, I'll do some interviews with 
men, too. It's supposed to be fun for 
people, not just women's lib, Although it's 
primarily about women, just as our mag- 
zine, IVomenSports, is. 

PLAYBOY: With the publishing business as 
difficult to get into as it is, what prompted 
you to start your own magazine? 

KING: I think the seed for the idea prob- 
ably goes back to when I was nine years 
old and for the first time watched 2 pro- 
fessional baseball game with my father. I 
loved to play baseball, football, run track 
races with the neighborhood boys. But 
what struck me like a thunderbolt that day 
was that there were no women on that 
baseball diamond. My ambition to be- 
come a professional baseball player was 
shattered. Throughout my adolescence, in 
fact, 1 found a subtle social pressure 
against being an athlete. 1 decided on te 
nis because it was, and still is, more social- 
ly acceptable as a sport for girls. 

Over my years of playing tennis, I 
noticed that women's events received very 
little coverage in the newspapers and mag- 
azines. I used to complain that the sports 
magazines never gave women a fair shake 
The people who published them said, 
Well, what can we write about? Women 
aren't doing that much.” That’s like put- 
ting the cart before the horse or the 
chicken before the egg. There had to be 
some way of letting young women know 
there was a way to make a living playing 
sports, that their desire to compete and 
excel wasn't abnormal. "There had to be 
some vehicle for women who were inter- 
ested in athletics to find out what was 
happening for women in all sports. So one 
day, Larry and 1 were driving down the 
Bayshore Freeway and I was complaining 
‘Let's start our 
'Oh, Larry. Of all 
the businesses to go into, that’s got to be 
the most risky.” Especially since we didn't 
have much capital. But we felt it was the 
right time to do it, so we did. 

PLAYBOY: And how is the magazine doing? 
KING: It’s small—our circulation's around 
200,000. But that's a start. 

PLAYBOY: А good start. 

KING: Pretty good for a girl, huh? Ha. 
PLAYBOY: Don't you find some conflict be- 
tween your role as а publisher and your 
role as a successful athlete, much in de- 
mand for endorsements, and so forth? The 
first issue of WomenSporls scemed to fea- 
ture Billie Jean King on every page, in 
the ads as well as in the editorial matter. 
KING: The first issue was ridiculous. But 
I'm trying to stay out of it now. I'm proud 
of being identified with the magazine, 
though. Гус had men come up to me after 
a match, with WomenSports in their 
hands, and ask me to autograph th 
copies. Then they start telling me about 


their daughters who are haying trouble in 
their sports fields and how much the mag- 
azine means to them. I want a very low 
profile on the magazine; it's not just for 
me. It’s for everyone. People on my stall 
say, “Look, Billie Jean, you're going to 
have to write something, more than just 
the publisher's letter.” The past two or 
three months, people have written in: 
"Where's Billie Jean?” 

PLAYEOY: Is it possible that you have be- 
come, to many of your readers, the per- 
sonification of IWomenSpots' lifestyle, as 
Hugh Hefner is considered by some to 
be the personification of the PLaYtoy 
style? 

KING: Well, I don't know. I certainly don't. 
live like he does. First of all, 1 don't have 


the money he has. And high living 
doesn't turn me on. 
PLAYBOY: You have to get to bed carly, 


watch your dict? 
KING: I have to watch my diet. As far as 
getting to bed early, I don't know. . . . You 
know what else he has that I dont? Тїшє, 
But I don't think Га ever want to live the 
way he docs. It’s super for hi E that’s 
where he’s at. 

PLAYBOY: Lately, some of the sportswriters 
have started to refer to you in print as 
sexy. How does that make you feel? 

KING: I don’t understand it, but right on! 
PLAYBOY: Dan Wakcfield, writing in Es- 
quire, observed that most of his male 
friends now have their favorite woman 
tennis player, just as they used to have 
their favorite movie actress. Do you thir 
it’s possible that woman athletes аге re- 
placing film stars as popular idols? Does a 
guy put up Billie Jean King’s picture in 
his room today, where a generation 
he might have put up Elizabeth T 
KING: That's happening to a certain de- 
gree. I think people want realism, and 
sports provide that. You can be a supcr- 
star celebrity on television, in movies, but 
people are sophisticated enough now to 
know that what they see onscreen, or on 
ТУ, is rehearsed, edited, cut. They scc me 
going out and hitting a ball, sweating my 
guis out, missing the ball and getting 
angry: that's real. You can't fake i 
PLAYBOY: And when Billie Jea g gets 
mad, she shows it. What sort of things are 
you yelling out there on the court? 

KING- Very bad words. Four-letter words, 
some of them. I think coaching this year 
made me worse; it really put me under. 
I've been just terrible. T try not to use 
those words when I'm around young 
people—although. actually, I think the 
young people say worse words than I do. 
PLAYBOY: You once told a reporter that 
one of your mother's pet sayings was "Al- 
ways be a lady.” Are you still a lad 
Billie Jean? 

KING: I still don't know what that word 
means. | used to ask her, “Mother, what 
does that mean?" And she'd say, "Well, 
* But I never did. I guess she 
means "don't swear, and. be gorgeous ай 


the time.” I'm not into that. That's not 
the way I am. 

PLAYBOY: You're first and foremost a tennis 
player? 

KING: Now I think I'm beyond tennis and 
into sports in general, and into speaking 
to women and fighting for their rights. 
Women depend on me and need me, and 
there's a lot to be done. I mean, if you 
look 


the budgets for girls in school 
sporis, for example, and compare them 
with the budgets for boys’ sports. they're 
ridiculous—especially at the high school 
and college levels. 1 think it's time we 
changed the psyche of the country, and 
not just where women are concerned. I 
don't want to see women pressured by so- 
ciety to become housewives and mothers, 
but I also have empathy for the little boy 
who doesn't want to be a superjock and 
his father says, “You're going to play 
the little league.” I don’t go for that, ei- 
ther, Let the boy do what he wants to do. 
PLAYBOY: As you know, many people feel 
the feminist movement has created a kind 
of reverse pressure—to make women feel 
they ought to have a career, that they owe 
it to themselves and their sisters. What's 
your feeling about th: 
KING: If that were the core of the women's 
movement, 1 wouldn't be interested in it 
and I don't think most women would be 
involved with it. И a woman wants to 
have a career, I say fine, don't put her 
down for it. But if she wants to be a house- 
wife, right on; if she wants to be a mother, 
that's beautiful. I want every woman to 
be able to be whatever she wants to be. 
That's what the women's movement is all 
about. All we want is for every woman to 
be able to pursue whatever career or per- 
sonal lifestyle she chooses as a full and 
‘equal member of the society, without fear 
of sexual discrimination. That's a pretty 
basic and simple statement, but it’s hard 
sometimes to get people to accept it—or 
even to understand it, And because of 
the way other people think, it can be even 
harder to reach the point in your own 
life where you can live by it. 

PLAYBOY; Somewhere along the line, Billie 
Jean King, champion tennis player, has 
become Billie Jean King, champion of 
women’s lib. Can you trace that evolution 
for us? 

KING: I think the tw g point was 
around 1966 or 1967. when I started rea! 
izing that as a woman athlete I had very 
few opportunities—and that society really 
didn't accept women athletes as human 
beings. It had such negative connotations 
And I thought, that's so stupid. because 
sports are so much fun, and a lot of women 
had missed out because it wasn't accept- 
able for them to be athletes. And I used 
to rant and rave about it to Larry, and 
he'd say, “Well, that's wonderful. What 
are you going to do?” And he was the one 
who said, "Women, first of all, are second- 
class citizens" And I said, "Whaddaya 
mean, whaddaya mean?” And he said 


Авег years оё waring for the 


жалу 907/056, he Night 
Just dawned. 


Yous 
" 


СА 
775 Clear trat ED 
You're never Cah j 


gong to learn tna — 

CUERVO MAKES THE | 
SUNRISE And That all 

Zim ever going 10 ger trove 

you are drinks that are a cloudy mess. 


How many Times have I explained mata 
Sunrise 45 simpl itrty HERE? Orange JUICE, 
+2404, and a dollop ofg renadine And that 
the brightest Sunrise Of alis fne оний. 
A Cuervo Sunn. 


ell, Ethel, ve qot news. Zwe 

a нр Sonia. Asa friend Soma has 
several advantages over You. 

as her GUN apart ment. 

es Эле On whip up Ape Suns 

q+ me drop ofa hint. And now know 

` да friend doesn? know tnat Cuervo 

A makes 7те Sunrise, YOU have to make 

www Anew friend. Like Simia. 


Alley‏ ڪڪ 


80 PROOF. JOSE CUERYO®TEQUILA. IMPORTED AND BOTTLED BY©19/4 HEUBLEIN, INC., HARTFORD, CONN. 


| Wanta 
Р | touch of 
© Black Velvet? 


/ 


1 „= ҮЛ | 
зь t Black Velvet has something no other 


ir. oe 
fs * кут Canadian can touch. Feel it. Black Velvet? 
а. зебое Canadian Whisky. The smooth Canadian. 
Aa у T = 
4 i 


P 
us BLACK VELVET © BLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY. 80/85 PROOF. IMPORTED BY © 1975 HEUBLEIN, INC, HARTFORD, CONN. 


because people keep women subservient, 
by opening doors for them and things. 
PLAYBOY: You don't like to have doors 
opened for you? 

KING: There's nothing wrong with it, €x- 
cept thar it keeps you down in a 
You're not assertive enough. Which is 
truc; women do tend to wait for somcone 
else to make a decision. Not so much any- 
more, but they did. 

Anyway, that all gave me something to 
think about, and then I started trying to 
see how I could make things change. 
Starting with sports. Because there were 
definitely very few, if any, opportunities 
for a woman to make a career as an ath- 
Jete, unless she came from a wealthy fam- 
ily or somebody wanted to sponsor her. 
There again, you're dependent on some- 
G I wanted to 
vehicle that would work for 
ich, poor, any color. I started 
out working very hard for open tennis, 
until I found out women’s tennis would 
suffer very greatly from that, because the 
men were going to leave us out. So then 
I channeled my interest into women's 
tennis and helped create the women's 


body else. I didn't want th 
help create 


circuit. And the way it's worked our has 
been tremendous. 

PLAYBOY: So you had sports, not women's. 
liberation, in mind when you started the 
circuit 


Women’s liberation was part of it, 
I was trying to create more oppor- 
tunities, to make us equal. In practice, I 
м; women's libber whether I labeled 
myself that or not, Margaret Court says 
she’s not a women's libber, but she defi- 
nitely is, She's making her sccond come- 
back after two babies and her husband's. 
going to go on the circuit with her and 
take care of the babies, 

PLAYBOY: That's women’s lib? 

KING: To me it is Maybe to somebody else 
it isn't. I think it’s great, because they're 
happy and for them it’s right. 

PLAYBOY: There was a period during the 
development of the women’s movement 
when lesbianism was considered to be a 
badge of honor. Did 

KING: WHAT? 

PLAYBOY: Some clements of the women’s 
movement considered lesbianism a badge 
of honor. 

KING: Oh, God. That's a bunch of bull. I 
er heard that one. 

hen you never felt any psycho 
logical pressure to try lesbianism as а way 
10 demonstrate support for women’s 


о. Gay women tum on to me some- 
times, gay women's lib people. I get a 
Jot of letters from them, but they're OK 
when I meet them. They don't make 
passes at all. They say, “Thank you for 
what you're doing to help people be free 
and to accept cach other for what they 
are” 1 think that's a healthy thing. 

PLAYBOY: Grace Lichtenstein, in her book 
A Long Way, Baby, about women's pro 
tennis, daims there is a split on the 


I love tobacco. 
I don’t smoke. 


Walt Garrison, 
football and rodeo star. 
“ 


If Рт a guy who loves tobacco, 
how come I never take a puff? 

Well, because I use “smoke- 
less tobacco.” 

All it takes is a pinch of 
“smokeless” in between my 
cheek and gum. Feels real re- 
laxin’ in there. And I get full, 
rich tobacco pleasure. М 

Another thing is, *smoke- 
less tobacco” can't tie up my 
hands. So I can use it no matter 
what I’m doing. 

If you'd like to go “‘smoke- 
less,” here's what you do. Just | 
look for three great brands. 

"There's Skoal, my favorite, | 
which has a wintergreen taste. 

Copenhagen, a straight to- 
bacco. 

And Happy Days Mint. All 
three dated for freshness, 

They'll each give you the 
юс pleasure you're looking 

Ог. ^ 


Smokeless tobacco. 
Apinchis all it takes. 


For a free booklet that explains how to get the full enjoyment of okeless tobacco” 
zas well as a few free pinches that you can try for yourself write to “Smokeless 
Tobacco," United States Tobacco Company, Dept. P44, Greenwich, Connecticut 06830. 


59 


PLAYBOY 


circuit between lesbian and heterosexual 
players, Is that true? 

KING: That's not truc. I don't understand 
parts of that book at all. I think Grace 
just wanted to sell a lot of books and 
make a lot of money. She was around only 
about a month and а half. Maybe a little 
т. The book is just her personal 


Well, there is another persistent 
or—this one about you in particular. 
at is that some time ago you told an 
interviewer that you were bisexual, but 
that the article was killed when your 
sponsor, Virginia Slims cigarettes, heard 
about it and threatened to withdraw sup- 
port from World Team Tennis. 
KING: That's the first time I've heard of 
that rumor, and it's definitely not truc. 
Although there's some lesbianism among 
women athletes—just as there is homo- 
sexuality among males—it's rarely an 
issue. It isn't nearly as prevalent as some 
people seem to think. T a misconcep- 
tion people have grown up with—that for 
a woman to excel in sports she must be 
ore male than female. That's nonsense, 
This kind of thinking puts off many young 
rls who might want to get into sports. 
nk the sex life of ath- 
letes is an important issue. 


PLAYBOY: You're not a lesbian yourself, 
then? 
KING: My sex life is no one's business, but 


if I don’t answer your question, people 
will think I have something to hide, so 
Im in a bind. Im damned if 1 answer 
your question and damned if 1 don't, but 
Fil give you the answer: No, I'm not a 
lesbian. That's not even in the ball park 
for me. But even though that scene isn't. 
in my bag, 1 think pcople should be free 
to do whatever they want to do and get 
their pleasure апу way they сап as long 
s it doesn’t hurt somebody else. I'm for 
eration at all levels, be it gay liberation 
or whatever. 

PLAYBOY: How do you feel about the fairly 
common view that as women become 
more emancipated they tend to become 
tougher, more masculine? 

KING: Society today forces women to stand 
up for what they believe is right, and a 
won who stands up for herself is al- 
ways accused of being masculine. Speak- 
ing personally, I've found that 1 have to 
nd up for myself or else ТЇЇ come out 
a loser. When I find I'm getting a little 
hard, I try to catch myself and say, “Billie, 
you're getting bitchy,” and cool it. 

In my opinion, though, masculine and. 
feminine are words that should be elimi 
nated from our vocabularies. Like having 
а baby doesn't make a woman more femi- 
nine, anymore than it makes the father 
more masculine. If a man is gentle. it 
doesn't mean he's less of a man. [ think 
he's more of a man, and more of a person, 
yet most people think gentleness is a fem- 
inine quality. 1 don't think we should get 
hung up on role playing. 

PLAYBOY: Do you deal much with other 


recognized spokeswomen for the libera- 
tion movement? Gloria Steinem, Betty 
Friedan, Germaine Greer? 
KING: І know Gloria the best of those 
three. E think she's a tremendous person, 
because she has the conviction to try to do 
what she believes in. Like having ugli 
guts to start Ms. m пе. I really admire 
her for that. She's into different things 
than I am, like politics. She's never really 
been into sports. She thinks they're too 
violent. Lasked her, “Gloria, what are you 
talking about? Most sports are not vio- 
lent, they're just fun." She said, "Well, 
I don't pia that way, because I 
grew up in а very poor neighborhood and 
when | used to walk down the street, I'd 
see even the bowling-league teams trying 
to knock each other on the head after the 
games. E just didn't want to be around 
that part of life." Now, I grew up in Long 
Beach and I went to the public parks to 
play softball, play tennis, so that was my 
experience аз a youngster. I grew up 
thinking sports are fun and games. Gloria 
experience. was different, and. that's why 
to this day 1 can't really get her into sports. 
You know, another person I really 
mire who docsn't get the publicity Glo 
gets is Pat. bine, an editor of Ms. 1 
think she's a tremendous human being; 
she has a lot of humor. She helped Larry a 
Jot with getting our magazine started. 
PLAYBOY: Speaking of Ms., how do you 
feel about being a Mrs? In your auto- 
biography. you said you were sorry you 
were married. 
KING: Well, marriage can be bunk, except 
that it makes it easier to be together. So- 
ciety leaves you alone more if you're mar- 
ried. But I think the reason I said that in 
my book was that people had been driv- 
ing me nuts. They just didn't understand 
our relationship at all and they were ask- 
ing the same questions they'd asked for 
cight years: Where is your husband? 
Doesn't he travel with you? When are you 
going to retire? Don’t you want kids? And 
so on. They were always chipping away 
at me, always expecting me to live up to 
their own expectations rather than to 
mine. 1 think that's a lot of rubbish, but 
when you hear it day in and day out, it 
gets a little heavy and tends to weigh you 
down. If I were single again, I felt, a lot of 
those questions would stop. or at least my 
answers would make more sense to people. 
Гуе thought about all that, and I've 
decided that the reason I was getting such 
heavy pressure from people is that most 
rybody likes to be reinforced. А house- 
wife would like me to quit and seule 
down and have bı „ because it rein 
forces her lifestyle, and some men don't 
like career women because if their wives 
went out to work, it might upset the bal- 
ance of their relationship. Well, that’ 
their opinion and they're entitled to it, 
but it’s not right for me. І believe we 
should learn to accept people who aren't 
into our particular roles. For instance, if 
I meet a family that loves being together 


24 hours a day, then I'm happy for them, 
although it’s opposite to the kind of life 
I lead. But in return, I think they should 
say to me, "Billie Jean, whatever's right 
for you is fine with us. You're OK, I'm 
OK. Do whatever you choose to do." If 
we could just learn to be more tolerant of 
others, even though they're not reinforc- 
ing our lifestyle, it would be a better 
world. 

PLAYBOY: "There's been talk for quite a 
while that you and Larry are planning а 
divorce. Is there any truth to it? 

KING: The rumors got started when we first 
got married. People said we wouldn't 
make it, especially because I was involved 
i to change things. They figured 
n who's deeply into women's 
lib has to be domineering. But our per- 
sonalitics have never had anything to do 
ih our marriage difficulties. Our diffi- 
culties stem from the demands of our ca- 
recrs. When we were married, we were 
both so young 


ying too much longer, may y 
three or four years. Then I figured I'd re- 
tire and have my kids and settle down as 
the wife of a successful lawyer. I didn't 
really know then that tennis was on the 
verge of a series of revolutions that would 
change the game forever, and neither of 
us had any idea what impact all of that 
would have on our own lives. 

PLAYBOY: What were the worst years for 
your marriage? 

KING: I think our worst time together w 
in 1969. right after Larry finished law 
school. He wanted to live in H and 
I said fine, but right away I was miserable. 
That made my plane trip to the East 
Coast—where most of the tournaments 
were held—11 hours. And in the islands, 
there 


So I'd hop into Honolulu for a week, and 
it was great when Larry had time off: but 
he was just starting to practice law and 
didn't have much time off. And when he 
did. he liked to go swimming. Е didn't, 
but I'd go lie on the beach and get a su 
tan. At night we'd usually go out with 
other lawyers and their wives, but that was. 
another problem. I just couldn't handle 
the social scene. I felt lost whenever I was 
id for the first time I thought that 
per ry and I were on different 
levels. During the next four years, I 
thought about divorce a lot, and by the 
end of 1973, we were both tall 
it. But we decided t0 hang 
glad we did. 

PLAYBOY: What made you both decide 
nst a divorce? 

KING: I'm not sure, except that we both 
stopped talking about it. Part of the rea- 
son was that during the winter of 1973 and 
1974 1 was caught up in the aftermath of 
match with Bobby Riggs and I was try- 
ing to get WomenSports off the ground. 1 


agai 


PLAYBOY 


62 


California brandy and 
water Before dinner. the 
light clean toste makes a 
refreshing change of 
pace at cocktail time. 
Over ice or with your 
favorite mixer, it's brandy 
so light you can serve it 
any time ot all 


coffee Its called a 
Venetian Coffee and it 
turns even a simple meal 
into a celebration. Add 
a jigger of California 
brandy to coffee (along 
with sugar fo taste) ond 
top with whipped cream 

iata nice way to end 
the evening 


Thee ое more mon t brands ol brondy grown in Catformia. labran САФАА ) 


was also getting into shape for the 1974 
Virginia Slims tour. And Larry was tied 
up almost daily with World Team Tennis. 
Even if we had finally decided to go ahead 
with ir, I think neither of us would have 
had the time to file the papers 

More important. I think we've come to 
а pretty solid understanding about where 
our relationship is. He's got his carcer and. 
Ive got mine and they're like two bi 
intersecting circles. At those points where 
they meet. everything s great, Where they 
don't meet, what can I say except that we 


can both handle it because we know that's 


just the way thi 
few more years. If we ha 
wouldn't have bi 
at all, beca 
h 


are going to be for a 


d divorced, it 


a traditional split 


se I'm pretty sure we would 
е kept on living together. Consider 
the amount of traveling we both did 
nd the time we were already apart, even 
а divorce wouldn't have changed our rela- 
tionship very much at all 

Actually. Larry and I are very blessed 
because we have something most couples 
don't have, and that is the same type of 
goals. It sounds cold to me when 1 hear 
myself saying that. but our goals are mu 
tual. He works his bahoola off with all 
the administrative and. technical details 
and I'm out there on the court working 
my bahoola off, but we're both working 
for the same thing: to improye tennis and 
other sports in this country and to give 
all people—men and women in equal 
opportunity to achieve whatever goals 
they set for themselves 
PLAYBOY: Ap: 
how do you 


rt from your common goals, 
ıd Larry feel about each 


other no 
KING: I still love him and 1 know I always 
will. And I know he loves me. But we dis. 
agree on the meaning of love. To him, 
it’s liking someone the most, and I feel 
love is something special and far different 
from liking. 1 understand what he's s 
however. He's just not as emotional 
as Тат. I'm more old-fashioned, d to 
me love is really indescribable. It's some- 
thing exta, something special. 

On the other hand, E don’t feel loving 
each other means Larry and 1 lave to be 
together 24 hows а day. 1 don't think 
that's where it's at, at least not for me 
You can't measure love in time spent to- 
gether, and тоо many men get a sense of 
power [rom insisting that their wives be 
with them when they want them. The im- 
portant thing is wanting to be with some- 
опе; then, when you're together, you 
really appreciate each other more. You 
remember the times apart and make more 
of the time you have together, which I 
don’t think most people do. But Larry 
and I are into that now. We really enjoy 
the time we have together, because it’s 
precious. 

PLAYBOY: Whit kind of guy is Larry? 

KING: Very busy. His mind is always going. 
He's very stubborn. Very intelligent. A 
lot of us arc book smart, but he's more: 
He's book smart as well as being able to 


1975 Datsun. 
Models at 39 MPG. 


Other auto makers would be ecstatic if they 
could claim one model with mileage like 
that. We have three: The B-210 Hatchback, 
2- and 4- Door Sedans. 

In the U.S. Environmental Protection 
Agency tests of 1975 cars sold in the U.S., 
our B-210 got 39 miles per gallon on the 
highway, 27 in town. In today's economy, 
that's the kind of economy you need. 

But the fantastic mileage is just one 


Datsun virtue. Good old-fashioned value is 
another. Every B-210 comes with these 
features included in its base price: 1400cc 
engine, power-assist front disc brakes, 
reclining bucket seats, carpeting, tinted 
glass, electric rear window defogger, trip 
odometer, whitewalls, full wheel covers and 
much more. 

Datsun B-210. Drive one today, and see 
for yourself how much Datsun Saves! 


63 


PLAYBOY 


64 


fit together the pieces of a problem and 

make it work. 

PLAYBOY: What's he like as а hush 

he jealous? 

KING: No. He's very proud, we're both 

па of what the other has done. 

re you jealous? 

KING: Of what? Of Larry? No. I think it's 

great. 1 like to see him get more recogni- 
ion Гог what he's donc. 

PLAYBOY: We mean jealous maybe of Larry 

and other women. Does that ever occur to 

pu? 

KING: Oh, y 

probably be j 


and? Is 


eah, it occurs to me. I would 
alous. "That's а good ques- 
tion. I think I'd have to have а pretty 
good reason before I'd get uptight. 
PLAYBOY: But he's not really jealous 
that sense? 

KING: I don't know if he is or not. He 
ns in. He's not like me 
nse: Tm much more out front 
PLAYBOY: How important is tennis to him? 
He loves it. He's working at it, of 
n administrative point of 
view. And he goes out and plays every 
moment he gets. I'm sure I'm the one who 
got him into it as deeply as he is. but he 
played tennis before I met him. At least 
three or four years before I met him. 
PLAYBOY: Well. does he have reason 10 be 
jealous? Joyce McGonnigal of Johns Hop- 
kins University quoted in a recent 
ог Sports Illustrated as saying that 


ids, lov ers and 
1 find men tum. 
on to you, following you around? 
KING: Well, the Virginia Slims circuit has 
its own groupies, fellows who hang around 
our tournaments, It doesn’t always give 
me a very good feeling, because 1 don't 
know if they like me as а person or be- 
Guse Fm a celebrity. | have a hunch if 
1 weren't Billie Jean King, they wouldn't 
be interested in me. so 1 don’t pay much 
attention to them. Besides, I'm married, 
so that gives me a little protection. I think. 
І don't know. 

PLAYBOY: Have you ever thought of tryin 
ап open marriage’ 
KING: Larry and | talked about it after 
reading the book Open Marriage aud, al- 
though it sounds good in theory, I think 
it would be pretty tough to put into prac- 
tice. It really depends on the couple. 
Speaking for myself. I don't think I could 
handle it, and I'm not willing то experi 
ment with it, because it might destroy 
what we already have. 

PLAYBOY: You've been married lor nearly 
: by that time. most couples have 
least one child. But in 1972 you 
le headlines when you admitted to 


dictated your decision? 


1 got pregnant in lace February 


came out positive, there was absolutely 
I would de 


no question about wha 
and I agreed on an abortion fr 


beginning. There was very little discus- 
sion about morality involved in our de- 
cision; we just both agreed that it was 
absolutely the wrong time for us to bring 
a child into the world. Even though we 
had been married for fivc and a half years, 
our marriage was not on as secure а foot- 
ng then as it is now. We needed more 
time together by ourselves to see where 
our relationship was headed. And 1 was 
entering a period of great change in my 
life, personally and professionally, and 
under the circumstances, I felt it just 
wasn't proper 10 start a family, Addition- 
ally, І didn't want to become а mother 
unless I could devote myself fully to 
motherhood and I knew that was some- 
thing I couldn't do, wasn't prepared to 
do. at the time. So 1 decided to go ahead 
with the abortion 
PLAYBOY: What wa: 
KING: It was the simplest operation Гуе 
ever had. 1 went to а hospital in Cali- 
fornia, was knocked out. had the abor- 
tion, spent two hours in the recovery 
room and later the same day, Larry took 
me home. There was no pain. по traum: 
PLAYBOY: The news didn't get out till 
more than а year after that. Why didn't. 
you talk about 
KING: I didn't think it was anybody's 
business. But I signed a petition for Ms. 
i avor of 
г. the 
"he Washington. Post, 
interview whether 


asked me directly in 


I'd had an abortio edged the answer, 
because, although I'd told some close 
friends about it, I had never told my par 


ents, because I was certain they wouldn't 
"derstand. Asher’s story was headlined 
DE POSSIBLE MRS. KING'S TOP 
Although Asher hadn't quoted me 
g Fd had an abortion, he'd put 
two and two together and the story 
out on the wire services and got big pl 
My parents found out about my abortio 
from the papers, not from me. Me: 
while, Larry and 1 went to Hawaii and 
when we returned to San Francisco for 
Mother's Day with my parents, my mom 
told me she had cried for three days when 
1 about it. She just didn't under 
nd. I tried to explain it as well as I 
could: that Larry and I love kids and 
ant children, but the timing was wrong, 
inly. I was sorry E hadn't had the guts 


“ABORTION М 
YEAR.” 


she 


М 
to tell her myself. 


PLAYBOY: WI 
news of your 
KING: Hate mail started to come in, most 
of igned and most of it vicious. But, 
overall, a lot of good came from it. Sev- 
1 women have told me that just know- 
g Fd had an aboi i lor 
them to have theirs, 


public reaction to 


ay It 
decided. I certainly don't want to put my 
own standards on other people and 1 


don't want them putting their standards 
on me. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think, in retrospect, that 
you did the right thing? 

KING: It was the right thing for me at that 
time, and it was right in the sense that 
Гуе been able to help other women who 
may want an abortion but are afraid of 
censure from friends, family or society. I 
don’t think every woman is meant to be 
a mother. A lot of women have children 
because of social pressures on them, espe- 
cially from their peer group. Like, when 
lass graduates and some of 
the girls get married, two years later cv- 
crybody is supposed to have a baby. 
nforcement of each other's 
s got to be changed. I'm 
“Don't have babies." What 
I'm saying is. “Make sure you're doing 
what you want to do when you bring a 
child imo the world.” 

PLAYBOY: Would you like to have children 
somed 
KING: Yes, definitely. Larry and I talk 
about it a lot. I think children are super 
and I want to have kids by the time I'm 
35 just for bodily reasons. But it wouldn't 
make any dillerence. to me if I had them 
1 or out of marriage. I know that'll blow 
everybody's mind, but when 1 have kids, 
theyll be Larry's, whether мете still 
married or not. 

PLAYBOY: If you weren't married to Larry 
and were free to choose, would you marry 
a tennis pl 
KING: You 


y the person you love and 
not the person's profession. Many people 
have a hangup about marrying someone 
in the same profession, because if the 
woma nes the guy. then all hell 
breaks loose. But | think that if two 
people are in the same profession, they 
should be able to help each other and be 
morc understanding instead of being 
competitive. 

PLAYBOY: What do you think of the ro- 
mance between Chris Evert and Jimmy 
Connor: 
KING: I have mixed feclings about that, 
because I think they're very young. but 
1 feel they're good for cach other. They 
h it hurts to lose and how 
nd they can share 


n oursh 


know how mu 
good it feels to win, 
the ups and downs 


PLAYBOY: Chris gets а lot of headlines, but 
not as many as Billie Jean King. How do 
you feel about being the number-one 


er in terms of public 
recognition. when Margaret Court. may 
have won more tournaments? 

KING: You mean major titles? I have pur- 
posely not played in as many major title 
tournaments as Margaret. Гуе been much 
more active than she has in starting new 
things, taking risks. Margaret's 
waited, always been one of the s 
people. She's a great tennis. player, bı 
she doesn't like to think of new ideas. She 
like to change. And that's finc— 
t. Not for me. Now, 1 could 
nd tried to play all the 


woman tennis pl 


doc 
Tor Marga 
have gone around 


What right do 
we have to call 
Ronrico 


Real Rum? 


(©1974 GENERAL WINE & SPIRITS CO. NY.C. 80 PROOF 


114 years ago when we started 
making rum, we made it to taste the 
way we thought rum should taste. 

Real. Flavorful. And perfectly 
smooth. 

Today Rum Ronrico is still made 
the same way in the same little town of 
Arecibo. By men steeped in the tradi- 
tions of the oldest distillery in Puerto 
Rico. (Our roots, you see, go back to 
1860.) These men believe thatthe good 
things in life should not change. 

That’s why we have the right to 
call Rum Ronrico real rum. Because it’s 
unchanged. It’s rum that adds flavor 
and smoothness to every drink. 

That’s what real rum should be. 
And that's what Rum Ronrico is. 


Rum Ronrico 
Real Rum 
bottled only in 
Puerto Rico 
for you. 


Theother leading rum isn't. 


Come to where the flavor is. 
Come to Marlboro Country. 


Ё Kings: 16 mj: tar, 1 1mg.nicotine— 
100 s. lm. 8 8 Lim, ШШ 


" же oy LC 3 ded Marlboro Red or Longhorn 100's— 
‚ Warning: The Surgeon General | Has Determined | п ч r v sou geta lot to like. 


` That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


$: Р 


major tournaments every year, but I 
worked harder in other areas. She has won 
more titles. But what are titles? A lot of 
the titles we win haye no depth. I've won 
a lot of tides, but 1 don't think they mean 
anything. It's who you beat that makes 
you get turned on. 

PLAYBOY: You and Margaret have been 
long time. In your book 
Billie Jean, you said you've been thinking 
lot about going head to head with her 
n a 25-match series and settling things 
ıd for all. How do you think such 
would tum out? 

KING: It’s hard to tell. I think right now, 
the score would probably, be about ten 
all, with five to go. I've become the kind 
of person who rises to big oc 
T think I could handle that kind of series 
of matches better than Margaret, who is 
very different from me, more mechanical. 
She's taller and stronger physically, and I 
ve to depend more on speed and skill 
and my ability to make more shots. She 
awt hit a topspin backhand and doesn't 
lot of touch—but she doesn't need 
it with her height, whereas J have to de 
pend on it. 

PLAYBOY; We've heard a lot about you and 
about Margaret and about Chris. Are 
there any good new women players com- 
up? 

KING: Oh, yes, lots. I sometimes wish the 
media would get off the Ch 
Evonne Goolagong, Billie J 
Margaret Court thing. I think we've been 
overexposed at times. Rosie Casals gets a 
lot of mileage, but not as much. Well, she 
hasn't earned it. In other sports, they're 
always talking about the rookies, the new 
players. We need more new faces. 1 think 
with а network TV contract, people will 
see more new faces, get more of a feeling 
of dept 
PLAYBOY: Is there 
up whom you fear? 
KING: I always fe: 


competitors for 


new player coming 


i of them, because 
you never know what may come out of 
the woodwork. Martina Navratilova, the 
Czech player, has а lot of ability. She's 
very strong. She wants it. 

PLAYBOY: You mean she's lean and hungry? 
KING: She's pretty chunky. Says she's going 
to lose some weight. Sure, I know what 
you mean. She has talent, ability and, I 
think, desire. 

PLAYBOY: Spcaking of w 
ever swearing off your 
ice cream, in order to shed a few pounds. 
Do you die € of your looks or be- 
cause of tennis? 

KING: Tennis. I don't care what I look like 
s I feel good. 1 can move better 
n thinner. 

PLAYBOY: Who do you think i 
play today? 

KING: Rod Laver is probably the best play- 
er ever, followed by John Newcombe, 
who is more consistent and has the best 
second serve of any player. 

PLAYBOY: What do you think of Ilie 
Nastase? 


the best 


KING: 1 think he's ridiculous, always iry- 
ing to put his opponent off. He's a good 
enough player not to have to resort to tan- 
tums and theatrics on court—childish 
gamesmanship. Off the court, however, I 
really like him as a person. Also, he has а 
great body. He and Roger Taylor are 
really gorgeous men. 
PLAYBOY: What do you mean by a gor- 
geous man? What turns you on about men? 
€ to see guys’ legs and their 
bahoolas, which is probably one reason I 
like to watch tennis. And I like to see 
something alive in a man's face and eyes. 
fostly, though, even if I'm turned on 
physically, I want to know what a man 
is like as a human being. 
PLAYBOY: Any other male tenn 
уо! Imire? What about Connors? 
KING: Jimmy was golden at Wimbledon. 
He was nervous but contained, and he 
used that nervous energy properly. If you 
can do that, you'll play super tennis—and. 
he did. 
PLAYBOY: What do you think is the dif- 
ference between a champion and а con- 
sistent runner-up? 
KING: Champions пу harder and longer. 
And on match point against him—at the 
moment when the whole match is on the 
line—a champion will suddenly get about 
three times tougher, while the ordinary 
good player will just keep on playing at 
the same pac 
PLAYBOY: With the exception of Arthur 
Ashe, there are no black tennis champii 
despite the ability blacks h 
strated in other sports. WI 
for that? 15:10 racial bias? 
KING: Well, in many people's minds, tennis 
is still a sport not only for the white but 
for the rich. That's beginning to change 
ом, but you have to remember that it’s 
only recently that we began opening the 
doors for all income levels. In five or ten 
years, you're going to sce a lot of top 
jers who are black or members of 
other minority groups, but they're prob- 
ably only 12 or 13 years old now. You 
don't develop champions overnight. 
PLAYBOY: Why do you think Ashe hasn't 
made it to number onc? 
KING: Because he can't compromise. He 
hits every ball too hard. And І don't 
think he ever thinks for himself. He's 
pretty much a follower, not a leader. 
Nevertheless, hes done exceptionally 
well and has made it to the finals in a lot 
of World Championship Tennis tourna- 
ments. Personally, I always wanted Arthur. 
to do better, because I like him. But I 
don't think he'll ever be number one. 
PLAYBOY: How do you think you'd stand 
st Ashe or some of the other top 
yers today? 
KING: I wouldn't have a chance against 
them. For that matter, some of the еч 
players today—such as Pancho Gor 
Pancho Segura and Tony Trabert— 
would kill me. I've always said that. First 
of all, they'd beat me on sheer strength; 
and they'd have a psychological edge. 


the reason. 


PLAYBOY: How much of that is psycho- 
logical edge? Why is a litle Ken Rosewall 
faster and stronger than a big Margaret 
Court? 

KING: I'm not sure that he's faster and 
stronger. What people don't realize is 
that theres a huge overlap, a physical 
overlap, between men and women, and 
between different m nd different wom- 
en. Margaret Court is much taller and 
stronger than I am. Stan Smith is much 
taller and stronger than Ken. Rosewall. 
But we all play one another. 

People always try to put women on one 
side of the fence and men on the other. 
You can't do that. You can't do that in 
brain power. You can't do it in physical 
power. There is an overlap. I may not be 
the number-one tennis player in the men's 
division, but that doesn't mean 1 couldn't. 
hold my own somewhere in the men's di- 
vision. Especially if Е had conditioned 
myself for it for 20 years the way many of 
the men have. Women aren't going to 
catch up overnight, just like the blacks 
and other minorities aren't going to catch 
up overnight. It will take a while. 
PLAYBOY: But it's been said that women 
h st men. 15 that true? 
KING: Yes. Г are Т don't like to win a 
men. 


NIEMALS my condition- 
ng. There are young women on the staff 
of ou azine who say, "Oh, 1 love to 


beat my boyfriend, because he gets so up- 


itch! 


Well, now, that's got to be a sv 
з the other extreme. 

PLAYBOY: When you play Larry, does he 
expect you to beat him? 

KING: No, he gives me a go. He's getting 
better. Probably in five more years, he'll 


start beating me—and ГИ get really 
ticked. 

PLAYBOY: Why didn't Bobby Riggs do 
better against you? 


KING: Because he wasn't in shape and he 
underestimated me after his match with 
Margaret Court. If Riggs were to play 
Gonzales. Pancho would tear him apart. 
because Bobby isn’t even the best senior: 

s the best promoter. I think Кіррѕ 
ice, amusing guy, though, and he's 
been good for tenn: 
PLAYBOY: Do you think we'll ever see 
another man-versus-woman match in 


isa 


different sport—and, 
KING: I'm sure there'll be other times. Goll, 
maybe. 


PLAYBOY: What woman golfer is good 
enough to challenge Jack Nicklaus? 

KING: I didn't challenge а John New- 
combe. I beat an old man, What if Carol 
Mann and Doug Sanders played? They're 
both great golfers, But I'm not sure it 
would have the same kind of drama, be- 
cause ours was the first. Bobby Riggs is an 
unu personality. I think the combi- 
nation is going to be difficult to find. 

PLAYBOY: Just before the Riggs match, 
your husband went on TV and read a 
Statement explaining why Gene Scott was 
doing the color instead of ex-champion 


67 


Introducing the first 


Youre looking at a uniquelooking 
automobile. 

Its called the Pacer. 

And it looks different on the outside 
because it's different on the inside. 

To begin with, the Pacer iş wider than any 
other small car. So naturally, you get an 
unusual amount of room. 

And since its wider—and has a unique 
isolated suspension system —the Pacer also 
gives you an incredibly smooth and stable ride. 

The hood of the Facer looks the way 


it does because it was designed for aero- 
dynamicreasons. To reduce the wind resistance. 
Sotheengine doesn't have to work as hard 

at highway speeds. And so you wind up with 
better gas economy. 

(The Pacer comes with AMCs proven 
6-cylinder engine and a 22-gallon gas tank. 
Which means you get outstanding perform- 
ance, excellent economy and long-distance 
driving range.) 

With our doors we did something that 
borders on wizardry. We made the passenger 


wide small car 


door 4 inches bigger than the driver's. So you 
can get in and out of the back that much easier 
(We also gave the Pacer a hatchback so you 
can get your luggage in and out that much. 
easier, too.) 

This same ingenuity was also applied to 
Pacer visibility. We wanted you to see as far 
see. From our point 


as your eye can 


of view, that meant designing the car for 
better all-round vision. From your point of 
view, you'll be able to notice all the people 
noticing you. 

A final point. The AMC Pacer, the wide 
small car, is covered by the wide coverage: 
AMCs exclusive Buyer Protection Plan 

Everything about the Pacer—the look, 
the room, the ride, the doors, the visibility, 
cur Flan—make it what it really is: Everything 


asmall car never was 


AMC PACER 


PLAYBOY 


70 


Jack Kramer. who's head of the Associa- 
tion of Tennis Professionals. Larry made 
it clear that you don't like Kramer and. 
didn’t want him in the press box. When 
did the feud start? 

KING: That goes back to the time in the 
Pacific Southwest Championships when he 
screwed us up. I walked off, I was so mad 
at him. He was the ofhcial referee and 
when we had a dispute over line calls, he 
couldn't be bothered to come down to the 
court to make the final decision. He 
up in the TV box, He could have been 
down on that court in 20 seconds. I asked 
for him and asked for him aud he woulda’ 
come down. I said, “That’s it. I'm not play- 
ing." That just did it [or me. Up yours, 
Jack, Why should I give him world-wide 
exposure? He doesn't like women's tennis, 
which is fine. But he won't admit it. He's 
two-faced. 1 don't like two-faced people. 
He really іх I don't think Jack cares about 
anybody but Jack. The male players work 
for him; he doesn't work for them. 
PLAYBOY: Your share of the Riggs match 
combined with your income from TV 
commercials, advertisements, promotions 
and other enterprises related to tennis 
probably brought you an income of more 
than a million dollars in 1974. Thats a 
tremendous amount of money fora tennis 
player to earn, especially a woman. Don 
you agree? 

KING: 11% a lot of money for anyon. 
eam. Larry's the only one who can tell 
you exactly what my income last year was, 
because he handles the books. 1 have a 
question for you, though: Do female 
entertainers get than male 
entertainers? No. Their pay depends on 
whether they draw at the box offic 
tertainment value, getting people through 
the turnstiles, tha the me of the 
game. One of the things we're tryin, 

do in World Team Tennis is to enhance 
the entertainment value of the sport. 
PLAYBOY: Is 1 why W.T-T. allows, ev 
encourages, yelling and rooting during 
match? The Hawaii Leis, whose пате 
inspired a series of bad jokes, passed out 
megaphones to their fans during a recent 
match. Pittsburgh has ly girls, th 
Goola-gongs, and the Boston Lobsters 
have as their cheerleading mascot a guy 
dressed up in a red lobster with 
racket in one claw and shocking-pin! 
panty hose peeking out from under his 
tail. In Philadelphia, a huge replica of the 
erty Bell rings every time the Free- 
doms win a set. As a player, don't you 
find all this hoopla disconcerting? 

KING: Not at all. I love partisan crowds, 
for me or against me. Part of being a good 
tennis player is being able to put up with 
that and keep your concentration, The 
point is that we want people to get in- 
volved with tennis the way they're 
volved with other sports. They don’t sit 
on their hands when they're watching a 
football or basketball game, so why should 
they sit quietly to watch tenni 


to 


less 


к ra 


PLAYBOY: The point scoring in each 
W.T.T. game is опе, two, three, four, 
rather than the tr; 5, 30. 40, 
game. And if a game goc to thre 
three, the player who scores the ne: 
; there are no adv 
Do you think this new no-ad system will 
become popular in other tournaments? 

KING: Yes, I do. It’s much better, because 
it makes the game more crucial, and the 
more crucial points you have, the more 
volved the fans get—although its much 
tougher on the players mentally, be 
they can't let up. And because the р; 
don't go on endlessly, with advan 


Bes 


who's 39, 
Bueno, 34, can keep up their careers and 
perk ıs coaches. We've extend. 
e top pros, and 


ps stay o 


ed the playing life of t 
that’s all to the good 
PLAYBOY: 


Another unique feature of 
5 format for play: one set each 
singles, men's singles, wom- 
en's doubles and men's doubles, with a 
ten-minute break before concluding with. 
mixed doubles —although not always with 
the same players, which me: 
of the players gets much of а workout. 
Do you like that format? 
KING: Most of the men I've talked. with 
e that the traditional fiveset match 
is ridiculous, because they all have such. 
heavy schedules. I also think the audience 
gets bored with long matches. In W.T.T. 
we go to six all and then play а nin 
point tic breaker, which makes every 
point more dramatic for the spectator 
It's casicr on the promoter, too, because 
he can schedule a lot of matches, which 
got to be a plus from his point of 
ie 

a lot ol tennis players in action. People 
don't want to see stamina; they want to 
see shill. 

PLAYBOY: What part of the format do 
udiences se to e most? 
KING: Mixed doubles. I think mi 
by far the most exciting form of 


s that none 


well as the fans’, who want to sce 


ed dou- 


nis. 
PLAYBOY: Why? 
KING: Because there's immediate identifica- 
tion for everybody in th udience. A 
man looks at Smith and wonders, “Could 
I do that” И its a woman, she wonders 
if she could return that guy's serve. 
We're still not making tennis fun 
enough for enough of the public, but 
we're getting there. I want the players to 
have better, more informative introdut 
tions on television, for example. 1 want 
to help other players learn how to express 
themselves betti re Ше fu- 
ture stars. It's like show busi . The 
stars have to be personalities, not just 
yers anymore. 
movie stars? 
KING: Court stars. It’s the same thing. 
PLAYBOY: Arc you still in tennis because 
you love it—or are you for the 
money? 


KING: Money doesn't make me try harder 
and never has. I just want to go out and 
do my best, and I firmly believe that’s the 
way most athletes are. When I'm at a 
table, negotiating a contract, 1 try to get 
the most 1 can, but once the contract is 
signed. I don't think it makes any diff 
ence. Some individuals, and I'm one of 
them, are going to bust a gut day in and 
day out because that’s the way they are 
as human beings. And the ones who won't 
bust a gut aren't going to make it. 
Another thing that motivates me is 
fear of failing. On the way up, there's 
lways that insidious, nagging fear that 
you're not quite going to make it, that 
the crunch you're going to come up just 
a bit short. And once you reach the top, 
there’s the absolute dread of the day when 
it's all going to end. You can never win 
enough titles, or money, or awards, be 
cause people always expect you to do 
it one more time and, of course, you come 
to expect it of yourself. T. y he 
pretty insignificant in the overall pic 
ture, but for those few hours during a 
match, it really is life or death. 
PLAYBOY: Were you depressed after losing 
at Wimbledon in 19742 
KING: Of course I was. Winning is almost. 
a relief, and you tend to forget a victory; 
but losing always hurts—and you always 
remember thal. Olga Morozova played 
me to a T at Wimbledon, so I have no ex- 
cuses—but I'm still upset about it. 1 was 
ssed and angry with myself for 24 
nd I didn't want to see people. 
But then I started working a lot harder. 
Thad given up ice cream for five months 
nd was the thinnest I've ever been and 
running every day, which, at 30 years of 
age, was a lot harder on me than it was 
a few years ago—and then to lose a 
way! Man, that’s not easy to handle. But 
I know that on n day I may lose, 
because there are people today who can 
beat me. I think that's what makes an 
athlete humble. I've said it befor па. 
IH say it a Victory is flecting, but 
losing is forever. 
PLAYBOY: Was there a tu 
your life when you decided th 
be number one? 
KING: Yes, and ironically, it was a defeat 
that told me 1 could become number one. 
The tur point came during the sum- 
mer of 1965 Forest Hills, when I lost 
to Margaret Court. I had beaten lier once 
at Wimbledon, in 1962, but lost 14 со 
secutive matches to her after that, In the 
first eight games of the first set in '65, I 
played fantastically well and built а five- 
three lead but lost the set, eight-six. The 
same thing happened in the second set: I 
had а five-three lead and even got to 40— 
15, double set point, on my serve in the 
tenth game. But then Margaret picked 
herself up and I didn't. I played carefully 
and didn't cut loose, Ci п players 
never develop this ability. They play bi 
liantly and steadily to the last point and 
(continued on page 194) 


g point in 
1 you could. 


WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY? 


A man who has an appreciation not only for fine art but for the fine art of living as well. Whether 
browsing through а famous gallery or through the pages of his favorite magazine, he exercises 
taste and discrimination. And he looks to PLAYBOY for the finest in contemporary art and graphics. 
Fact: PLAYBOY invests over a quarter of a million dollars a year to expand the graphic horizons 
of its 20,000,000 readers and to present advertising in the most illustrious possible showcase. 


New York + Chicago + Detroit - Los Angeles - San Francisco - London - Tokyo 


4 


out of 
zoar 


first he would have to commit 
Uy. then a far greater sin, 
all in the name of survival 


fiction By BEN MADDOW 


ALL WAS SERENE: the air, the 
dry weeds, the dunes, the sky, 
the flat, windless sea. Bernal, 
inside the house, opened the 
window so he could breathe 
into himself the utter quiet, 


v planes. There was a hint of 
wild sige this year; perhaps the 
rains had been heavier di 
the past winter. Yes, why not 
t 10 all gree 
gs? Everything 
animal. he said to himself. was 
a monstrosity, an episode that 
was soon 10 be finished. Be 
cause on this particular Tues- 
day, Bemal and his daughter 
were still, as far as they could 
discover, absolutely alone in 
the world 
Sarah had got up long be- 
fore her 
her 14th 
d expec 
amazement, or at lea: 
of weather. She left the house 
d lifted her long 
п in both thick hands 
as she ran down to the tide. 
The sea had saved her life dur- 
ing the half-hour w 
when she wa 
she sw: 
and, with the help of a small 
mask and a cylinder, preferred 
to stay hidden, moving as 
slowly as a leaf. muffled in the 


ILLUSTRATION ву DOU 


PLAYBOY 


74 


thick, salty, comfortable fluid. 

The morning had become overcast; on 
the slopes below the diff, the blue d; 
remained shut and the ocean w: 
the blade of a knife. Without undressing, 
nah plunged into the slow wave and 
propelled hersclf, side stroke. down under 
a floating island of immense kelp. 

Below, all was green and gray and sil 
ver. A small school of sardines shifted and 
turned away toward the open sea. Hidden 
in the deeper shadow were two haddock of 
different sizes, The lean one did a swim- 
ming dance around the fat one, then 
rubbed and wrestled with it 
scales, and danced away, v: 
they were quivering fa 

Be low, thin, a lit- 
Пе past six feet tall, with the heavy- 
knobbed bones of a much heavier man. 
His skin was a beautiful but somewhat 
amb 


ng fins as if 


al stood at the w 


mous brown, like coffee sweetened 
with evaporated milk direct from the can. 
He looked away from the sea and stared 
at the blanched nails of his left hand, At 
the edge of his vision, Sarah vose from the 
sea bottom and took two great gasping 
breaths. Salt water poured from the ends 
of her long hair, from her ten fingers, 
from the soft dark points of her breasts: 
and drops glittered in the litile oily hol- 
low at the base of her throat. She shouted 
over the water, “Poppa! Poppa!” 

Their house had four small rooms: a. 
itchen with a great scarred mahogany 
table out of some inland mansion. two 
bedrooms aud a bathroom dhronically out 
of repair. Bernal's room had shelves along 
four sides and even at the back of the con- 
necting door, When he brought more 
books back from his weekly trip, he piled 
them up on the floor in perfectly regu 
towers; which, however, when an especial- 
ly high tide shook the piers under the 
porch, came flopping down and spread- 
ing open, their pages full of mysteries. 

"Come and look, Dad! I found them 
ара 

Bernal pulled оп his swimming trunks 
nd went out onto the litle warped 
porch. A long, paralyzing yawn distorted 
his bronze Га 
years, he had divided his waking di 
half-hour sections, with a duty assigned to 
h; but lately hie could no longer wake 
up on time. His dreams held him power 
fully and even ran screaming in his head 
after he was awake 

“They're so funny!" she told him. 

ар 

“The fish! Both of them!" 

Bernal reached for his harpoon, hung 
on two hooks set into the whitewashed 
wall, The small saw-toothed blade was 
secured by a fishing line to the staff; the 
driving power was furnished by a stecl 

ing, ingeniously rigged out of an old 
camera he had found in $ 
He wound it up as he walked 
water. 


e. For the past six or seven 


1o 


са 


еп 


“We could have eggs for breakfast. I've 
got some left," Sarah told hi 

“No. I'm sick of that powdered stuff. 
It’s killing me. 

Sarah dove under the seaweed once 
more. The two fish had separ 
were twisting in spirals aro. 
other. She he: 
hammers tappi 


each 
age sounds, like tiny 

n immense rock. 
Were the fish singing to each other? The 
fat one emitted a glistening jelly of i 
descent beads; the lean one answered with 
a fine, milky doud. In the intensity of 
this interchange, the fish saw nothing but 
themselves. 

The harpoon, cleverly aimed, trans- 
fixed the fem: 


er unevenly, for breakfast, She was quick 
and smooth in the water, but in the kitch- 
en, her rather square body moved slow 
and awkwardly; there was always а water- 
proof Band-Aid somewhere on one of her 
hands or the inner part of her forearms, 
where a burn would be slowly he. 
sang as she worked, and the words were а 
second language that she herself had in- 
vented. Bernal had always refused to learn 
this private tongue, but he could under 
stand, without particularly wanting to, 
its emotional message; and today it was 
teasing and seductive. 

Sarah said. “I've got something to tell 
you, Daddy. 
"Have you?" 

“But I'm not going to tell you. Not yet. 
/owre too mean this morning. 

"They sat down at the heavy table and. 
Bernal closed his eyes and said the 23rd 
Psalm out of the small Bible he had taken 
from the Methodist church at Sea View. 
Sarah snuck a few grains of sugar with a 
wer forefinger 

“Amen. No toast?" said her 

“We've about run out of frozen br 
We've got some bran muffi 

“I'm going up to the top today, 
nal told he 

“You said that yesterday. 

“I wasn’t feeling well. 

“And get some raisins, if you can find 
them.” 
had a tenible headache last night. 
Couldn't get to sleep." 

“Poor Dad. The coffee is getting pretty 
low, too. 

“Don’t tell me about it, write out a list! 
Т can't remember these things. Further 
more"—cried Bernal, but he took a long 
time before he came to it—"you're going 
to have to quit swimming that way every 
morning." 
What way’ 
Naked. Almost.” 

“With my nightgown on? How fui 
you arc!" She smiled; it dazzled but 
pained him. She continued, "Were they 
dancing, the two of them?” and poked at 
the scorched bits of fish on her plate. 

“What were you going to tell me? 
Sarah! Pay attention. Was it about the 
fish? 


“No, nothing, Dad." 
“What was 


ih began to make up her grocery list, 
but she printed slowly, and before she 
was done, her father had fallen asleep 
in the kitchen chair. His lips puffed in 
and out as he snored. Cords ran down his 
neck, even in his sleep. bearing 


“Poor Dad, Suppose he 
dies. What would I do then? It would be 
so funny around here without him." She 
murmured her secret language to herself 
and then went for a long and customary 
stroll along the beach. The tide was going 
out and there was always something new 
on the naked shore. She intended to look 
once again for the strange double crea- 
ture she'd seen a week ago and could 
somehow not bring herself to reveal. 

She longed to sce it again: this dark, 
wonnlike miracle, with its dou 
that whirled and floated and sw. 
in water but in air. 
quadruple, and colored blue and white, 
like foam after a receding wave. She 
climbed over the rocks at the poi nd 
there they were again: whole swarms of 
them on the wet sand, on the boulders 
black with water and fluttering into the 
air Sarah ran back and forth among 
them, laughing and waving her heavy, 
sweating palms. 

They were settling into pairs, like the 
haddock she had seen under water. Many 
were clotted together, the tail of one 
curled back under the ttil of the other. 
Adhering body to body, they would 
Tift off into the shifting wind, awkward 
and composite. She ciught one pair and 


took them to her grotto, so she could look 
at them through the magnifying glass she 


had found last y. the sand 
This moist cave, unapproachable at 
high tide but quite empty otherwise, had 
been her playhouse for many years. In a 
dry niche where the air was trapped as the 
sea rose, she kept her special toys; among 
them a box of Chinese Checkers; a brown, 
plush, imaginary creature that her father 
called a bear: and а doll with a fixed and 
glaring look. To these she added her new 
treasure. The creature was quite oblivious 
10 being handled. There was a curious 
pulsation along its double abdomen. Pow 
der came off onto her cupped palms. Sar 
felt peculiarly excited, Were they one or 
two? She tied to imagine she was one of 
or both of them. Finally she thrust 
dhering pair down the top of her 
dress and felt them tremble against her 
belly. Then she let them fall. 
Wildly, irrationally happy, she 
the way back along the beach, half 
sand, half in the splashing tide, Her father 
was putting on his bicycle dips. He stood 
up. rather suddenly; he seemed out of 
breath, 
I want to go up there. You promis 
me, but you've never done it. 
(continued on page 80) 


“That doesn't look like an X-ray camera to me.” 


want to look sharp, feel sharp and live long? 
as the pictures show, it can be lots of fun 


MuscLes OF mon, the stamina of a long-distance runner and 
the sheer sensuous pleasure of being really fit—sounds hip, 
you say, but getting to your friendly neighborhood health club 
is 100 much of a hassle. Well, assemble a private gym right in 
the sanctity of your crib, turning that spare bedroom, perhaps, 
into a mini-workout salon. Furthermore, there's no law tha 


says you can't get a little help from a shapely friend 
It sure beats waiting for the old rocking chair to getcha. 


Right: These fully chromed dumbbells weigh four pounds each, by 
Paramount Health Equipment, $55 o poir. Below: A pedol pusher's 
delight—the Model 210 features a two-speed motor, $695; extros 
include o stand, $35, ond a Personal Exercise Plonner—it's the 
remote-contral gadget below, for right, $225, oll by Exercycle. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY PAUL GREMMLER 


Above: Let the good times roll with а walnut-and-polished-alumi- 
num Walton Massage Roller that provides whatever area of your 
body that you wish ta tone with a continuous pulsating mossoge 
that соп be varied from butterfly kiss to gut-pounding, depend- 
ing on how much pressure you apply, from Walton, about $250. 


left: This exercise bicycle duplicates cycling action, easy to 
hard (a dial gives you the choice), by Nadco, $104.95. Above: 
There's a whole lot of shaking going on with your Mini Spa Exer- 
cise Center, by Continental, $895. Below: The oscillations of the Re- 
Hab Mosseur do wonders for your circulation, by Stanley, $79.50. 


Right: Looking for a better woy to build up your pecs? Try these 
heavy plated springs, with indestructible handles, by AMF Whitely, 
$9 each. Below: Excellent for mossoge and whot not is this 
portable table of lightweight cluminum, padded and covered with 
vinyl, by Bottle Creek Equipment, $129. (You provide the mosseuse.) 


12) 
о 
m 
» 
5 
a 
А 


80 


Up out of 204г „гон poge 73) 


“I will, someday,” said her father. 
"Why not now? 
"Because there's nothing much to see. 
“I don't care. I want to see ii 

Sarah. 

‘You've seen dead fish.” 

Wess 
“It's like that up there. Everything 

dead. Except the trees and the grass.” 

“It’s not anything that happens to us— 
is it?” 

“No,” said her father. “Not for a long, 
long time, anyway.” 

He was coming past her and fiercely she 
took hold of him by both arms, just above 
the elbows, where hed rolled up the 
sleeves of his blue shirt. 

“Sarah! Let go,” he told her. But she 
held on, her face staring into his. Sudden- 
ly, she found herself thrusting up against 
him. He struck her across the face. 

She cried out in real pain and ran into 
the kitchen. Blubbering, she nevertheless 
took the time to pick out several detest- 
able chipped plates and broke them 
against the table. She turned back to her 
own room and shut and locked the door. 
Outside, Bernal walked forward toward 
the sea and let the tide wash up around 
his ankles, icy and calm. 

He denounced himself, whispering. 
"God, I don't know what to do. Maybe 
we're just animals. When my old lady 
died, I should have pulled off the mask 
and let myself die, too. Now look at this 
mess!” 

He stood motionless, letting the sea 
move under and around him. “The hell 
with it. Let the fish inherit the earth.” 
Sarah watched from the window of her 
тоот. He was coming back now: picking 
the bicyde basket off the porch, clamping 
it to the handlebars, wheeling the bike 
up the soft, steep. crumbling path to the 
top of the 

"He's afraid of me,” she said, with some 
pleasure. 


There were no planes, no birds, no in- 
sects, no traffic, no sound of any sort be- 
sides the creak and whir of his worn, leaky 
tires. The level asphalt road ran along 
the edge of the east and west, glit- 
tering in its own black light. Ahead of 
him, where the sun rose, the old orchards 
bore a fine weight of flowers but no fruit. 
A few miles later, there was the small 
empty town where Bernal once lived and 
worked, and where he now did most of 
his scavenging. It had the usual funny 
Sign: WELCOME TO SEA VIEW, ELEVATION 
642, POPULATION 220. 

One of the houses had a redwood 
garage and back of that, rising from a 
confusion of orange nasturtiums, a gal- 
vanized.steel antenna about 40 feet high. 
Bernal went into the garage and sat down 
before the console. On his left was a case 
of dusty Cokes; on the right, pasted up 
in a cirde around a photo of the dead 


owner, who was a young, fat man, grin- 
ning under a ragged mustache, were 
framed letters from ham operators in 
Hong Kong, Amsterdam and places like 
Punta Arenas. He flipped on the built-in 
microphone, coughed several times, sang 
The SiarSpangled Banner and then 
broadcast his message by heart. Sarah was 
only three when the halthour war oc 
curred, so it was 11 years since he began— 
a total, he knew, of more than 500 times. 

“My name is William Dickinson Bernal. 
І live approximately 21.9 miles мем of 
Santa Barbara on the coast of California. 
As far as ] can tell, 1 and my daughter, 
Sarah, are the only animals left alive. 
However, it is possible 1 am wrong. И so, 
will you please, please, please inform by 
short waveat the highest possible wattage. 
It will be tape-recorded automatically. I 
look forward to your prompt reply. 

He went to the supermarket on the 
corner but could find no raisins on the 
depleted shelves. He opened the big freez- 
er and, by searching in the corners, found 
a two-quart package of chocolate-chip ice 
cream for Sarah, hoping it might be edible 
still. 

He returned to the transmitting shack 
and set the tape to PLAY. It rolled on, 
empty, minute by minute, until i 
out. Though he had expected nothing 
else, it made him unbearably sad. “ ‘And 
Lot went up out of Zoar . 
mured to himself. 

He sat on his bike outside, in the shade, 
till his fit of melancholy had somewhat 
passed. During the past ten years, he had 
programed his hours and days, typing 
them out on sheets of legal-size paper, so 
he would not give in to indifference and 
apathy. Still, maybe it was time to change, 
to take new directions and make funda- 
mental decisions. “Suppose the human 
species doesn't survive, so what?" he said 
aloud. "Maybe it doesn't deserve that 
privilege. 

At the northern edge of Sea View, he 
stopped at the gas station he used to run, 
to inflate the soft front tire, He got a low 
hiss and then nothing. He had forgotten 
that the air pump had failed two weeks 
ago. Things were falling apart; the pas- 
sage of time itself was а form of exhaus- 
tion, and that was just as true of himself 
as it was ofa tool or a package of food. He 
picked up small stones and hurled them, 
in a kind of impersonal fury, at the bill- 
board back of the pumps: JUST BECAUSE 
YOU HAVE FALSE TEETH DOFSN'T MEAN YOU 
CAN'T HAVE A REAL SMILE. A stone struck 
the painted smiler. 

Now, as if the anger had cleared his 
head, he remembered that 11 years ago, 
before the war, he had suffered a similar 
spell of anger because Texaco gave а 
franchise to a new station, some ten miles 
inland. To reach it, he would have to turn 
left on State 640-A; he had never traveled 
that way before and had to force himself 


he mur- 


to do it. His loneliness had made him shy 
of everything unknown, 

it was a nice day up here, with a 
cold wind off the mountains, the most 
blue of which he could see if he squinted 
his eyes. This Texaco station was a lot 
more pretentious than his. It had pseudo- 
Gothic scrollwork, and the two toilets 
had different dogs painted on their front 
doors: pointers for one, setters for the 
other. There was a faded, torn American 
flag on a staff near the lube pit. The pro- 
prietor sat in a swivel chair in his office. 
There was a yellow, stained pad under 
one hand, a green ballpoint pen in the 
other. His skin had dried, withered and 
contracted, and beld the solid bones as 
if in a package. The man's name was Joe 
Yanka; at least that was the name printed. 
on the bill pad. 

It was Bernal's policy to clear away any 
such relics of the war, particularly from 
the places he had to visit. There was no 
reason for it, because since the war, there 
were no bacteria left in the air; so it was 
simply a personal ritual. 

He put a wire loop under Mr. Yanka's 
arms and attached it to a hook on the back 
of his bicycle and pulled the light, dry 
thing out into the brush back of the sta- 
tion. It caught on a manzanita and fell 
apart into dust, shreds and broken bone. 
He rolled up the wire, hung it back on 
the bar of his bike and conducted a short. 
memorial service: out of Ecclesiastes this 
time around. He felt very cheerful: He 
and Sarah, anyway, were still a 
every day this became more astonishing. 
He tried the air pump: It still had healthy 
pressure. He hardened both his tires, first. 
the front, then the back one, and as he 
stood up, he heard a dog barking: twice, 
three times, four, five, six, seven; but that 
was all, and then there was only the sibi- 
lance of the wind rushing up the adjacent 
canyon. 

The illusion puzzled him: was he going 
insane? In that case, how would he know? 
Do the mad know their true condition? 
Any more than the sane know they are 
sane? He had dreamed while awake sever- 
al times during the past year, but gen- 
erally of crowded baseball games and 
naked women shouldering him the 
conaete corridors, going home. 
they made their father drink wine that 
night... ^" 

He took a branch road back toward the 
coast highway. It was almost noon; the 
asphalt quivered at the unwinding ends 
of the road. 

On his left, rising and falling with the 
road, were the familiar white radar 
domes, one large. one small, on the sum- 
mit of the tallest mount: n the coastal 
range; but he had never seen them so 
close and at such an angle. These semi- 
spheres were pure, scary and dazzling. 
He began to coast downhill at last. Turn- 
ing a switchback curve, he saw something 
shining in the sun: a punctured can of 

(continued on page 184) 


" Lb. 


fiction By NORMAN SPINEAD 


SD 


the fight to save fun citys soul heats up in herald square 


HOLY WAR ON 34TH STREET We 


THERE OUGHTA BE A LAW, or if there ain't a law, then there oughta be a place 
where all the loonies can do their thing without driving a poor cop nuts. Like they 
have in London, where I took the wife and kids on my last vacation—Hyde Park, 
where all the religious kooks can stand up on their soapboxes and yell at each other 
ith: ing up traffic. We g agh trouble on the street New York with. 


ASSOULE 


food By THOMAS MARIO 


true, it’s a culinary production 
number, but the resulis—ah, the results! 


HE FASTEST WAY to gather a crowd for a cassoulet party is to simply call out the 
ingredients—browned young goose, creamy great-northern beans, boneless pork 
loin, garlicscented sausage, onions, tomatoes, herbs and bread crumbs—then 
quickly stand aside to avoid being trampled. Anatole France described the cas 
soulet’s savor as the kind “that one finds in the paintings of the old Venetian masters, 
in the amber flesh tints of their women.” Amber tints aside, in making a good cassoulet, 
you start with about ten times as much flesh as beans. By the time the cassoulet has 
finished baking in the oven, and the beans have plumped out like a triumphant army 
overriding a country and being swallowed up by it at the same time, the amalgam of 
flavors will be such that when you taste a single bean, you taste everything. The home 
of the cassoulet is the Languedoc region of France, where the geese and the garlic roam. 
In its birthplace, pork is the principal meat in the cassoulet, (concluded on page 189) 


PAINTING BY ELLEN LANYON 


83 


PLAYBOY 


HOLY WAR ON 34TH STEEET 


punching right across both of them, all 
three being major arteries, islands and 
с lights and а pattern so 
t some outoftown yuk is 
always panicking and creating a balis-up. 
It ain't bad enough, you got Macy's and 
Gimbel's and Когуеце and a major sub- 
way station pumping mobs of pedestrians 
into the intersection, just to keep things 
nteresting. 

Down on 32nd Street is the Hotel Mar- 
tinique, where the Scientology nuts have 
got a whole floor. A weird-looking crew— 
got eyes that seem too close together, if 
you know what I mean, and they like to 
stare at you with them. There are always 
a few of them hanging around on the 
corners, trying to rope in the marks with 
some kind of free aptitude test ог some- 
thing, but that’s for the bunco squad to 
worry about, they never gave traffic any 
trouble. Not until, that 

No, | think the whole mess really 
started when the Hare Krishnas staked 
out the northeast corner of 34th and 
Broadway. Now, even New York, 
which is a 24-hour freak show, the Hare 

Krishnas are majorleague weirdos for 
my money. Barbledlook kids in 
orange robes, the guys with their heads 
shaved, some kind of white gook on their 
noses sometimes, playing drums and bells 
and cymbals and dancing up and down 
and chanting, "Hare Krishna, Hare Krish- 
na, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare. . . 
Over and over again, till you know the 
words by heart, whatever they mean. 
They peddle incense and magazines, гоо, 
but what the heck, there didn't scem to be 
any percentage in trying to move kooks 
ke that along as long as they didn't do 


sidewalks up. Live and let 
Wrong, Charley, as 1 was to find out the 
hard way. 

Because eventually the Scientologists 
got to notice the crowds they were draw- 
ing. There would be maybe a dozen or 
so of these bozos in orange robes, chant- 
ing, jumping up and down and staring 
into space: naturally, they would draw a 
crowd of shoppers from Macy's, tourists 
from Keokuk, hippies from the East Vi 
lage and grease from the Bronx and 
Brooklyn. "Street theater," what they 
call it, and so much of it goes on in New 
York that we don't try to bust it up unless 
it really impedes traffic or starts turning 
ugly. I mean, who wants to turn a little 
free-lance craziness into something for the 
riot squad? 

But the Scientologists, working the 
sidewalks like Orchard Street pullers, 
started homing in on these crowds of sta- 
tionary people—easier to run their spiel 
on marks just standing there than trying 
to catch them on the fly. 

Trouble was that the Hare Krishnas 
had their own goods to. peddle—maga- 
zines and incense and religion—and they 


(continued from page 81) 


were into hard-sell techniques, too. While 
most of them were drawing the crowds 

dingo act, two or three of the 
least spaced-out types would be pushing 
incense and magazines and catching 
zens in raps. 

Some poor schmuck from out of town 
comes walking down the street with the 
litle lady. ng up at the Empire 
Stace Building or gawking at the free 
freak show, and all of a sudden, he's star- 
ing into a pair of spaced-out eyes attached 
to a weirdo in an orange robe, saying 
loudly: “Have you heard about our Lord, 
Hare Krishna?” 

Ones 
‘Are you a 
ees 
Well. then, wouldn't you like to know 

more about our beautiful Lord?” 

SCIES 

“This magazine will tell you, go on, 
take it, it's yours!” 

And he hands the mark the magazine 
nd the guy. who by now wants nothing 
more than to get the hell away from this 
nut, nods thank you and starts to escape. 

At which point he finds the Hare 
Krishna freak standing in front of his 
face with his palm out: “That'll be а dob- 
lar.” Maybe six times out of ten, the yuk 
will give him the buck just to get free. 

Well, when the Scientologists started 
working the same crowd, the scene began 
to change. They started competing. The 
same poor schmuck wanders down the 
street, stops to look, and all of a sudden, 
he is accosted by two loonies. 

“Haye you heard about ou 
Krishna" 

“Pardon me, sir. I'm a student and my 
school is offering these free personality- 
profile tests to” 

"Beautiful Lord” 

“Right around the corner at the Church 
of Scientology. 

Both of them trying to stare him down 
with the same kind of crazy eyes, you 
know, too close together and too close to 
his face. "Huh? What? Jeez, Maude- 
He starts to freak. 


religious mau 


Lord, Hare 


‘They start shoving magazines and per- 
sonality profiles in his puss and grabbing 
him by the sleeve. “What the — Buncha 
crazy people here; come on, Maude, let's 
go to the top of the Empire State Build. 
ing or somewheres. . . ." And he brushes 
the weirdos away and pulls the old lady 
double-time down the street like а kid's 
balloon. 

In the beginning, this was about all 
that happened; but once it began happen: 
ing often enough. the Hare Krishnas and 
the Scientologists started noticing each 
other. You might think that this was 
stating the obvious, but, Charley, these 
were people who had trouble noticing 
anything outside their own brands of 


craziness, let alone cach other. № must 
have taken them at least a week or two to 
finally realize that the other loonics were 
costing them customers. And from there 
that there was another flavor 
In that order 
point, they started tak 
each other for marks. Why not? To the 
Scientologists, the Hare Krishnas were 
just more crazy citizens in need of what 
they call it, “processing”; and to the 
Krishnas, the Scientologists were just 
more unenlightened citizens who by 
rights oughta be wearing orange robes. 
shaving their heads, chanting and jump- 
ing up and down like jungle bunnies. 1 
think the main reason they started really 
glomming onto each other, though, was 
that both brands of loony were heavy 
to staring. 
You must've been in staring contests 
when you were a kid: you know, first kid. 
to blink or laugh or say something is the 
loser. Silent staring contests. we used to 
call ‘em. Well, the Scientologists and the 
Hare Krishnas got themselves into jabber 
ng staring contests, nothing silent about 
“em, let me tell you. Charley. 

The rube drags his up the street 


to real 


away from them, and they're left alone. 


giving the heavy staring act to each other. 
close enough to smell pastrami on each 
other's breath. 

"Come on. chant with us and experi 
ence the pure joy ol" 

“Seem to be fixated at a very low energy 
level, but the Church of Scientology —" 

“Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna 

"Possible to reach a high preclear level 
only eight weeks of- 

“krishna Krishna, Hare Hare—" 

“Come on, stop this suppressive behav. 
ior and 

“Hare Rama, Rama Rama, 
Rama, Hare Hare 

“You're really in desperate need of the 
help only Scientology —— 

"HARE KRISHNA, HARE KRISH 
NA” 

"Reach beyond your natal engrams 
to” 

“KRISHNA 
HARE—— 

All the while staring at each other. and 
the Krishna freak jumping up and down 
finally. and lapping his hands in time 
with his goombahs. 

At this point it was that the northeast 
corner of Broadway and 34th Street be 
came something of a hassle for the 
detail. Because sometimes these có 
would really go on and get heavy. TI 
Hare Krishnas would come in bel 
their boy like sidemen 
bunch of them would practi 
round the poor Scientologist, bouncing 
up and down, playing their drums and 
bells, chanting and giving him the col 
lective goggle-eye. Now, if it was you or 
me in there, Charley, we would instantly 
remove ourselves from such a hard-sell 

(continued on page 190) 


Rama 


KRISHNA, HARE 


"Albert, I couldn't marry a man who didn't trust me!" 


85 


BEAUTIFUL AND BRIGHT FILM STAR 
MARGOT KIDDER REMEMBERS WHEN GLAMOR 
WAS WHAT SHE READ ABOUT IN MAGAZINES 


argot Kidder, incurable diarist and ubiquitous film 
star, confided her ambitions to her diary when she was 
a little girl in Vancouver, British Columbia. When 
she was a bit older, Margot became acquainted with 
PLAYBOY, as she recounts here in reminiscences that ave typically frank, 
personal and unpredictable. If you're п hang-glide enthusiast, you may 
have seen daredevil Margot kiting solo over the sere hills of Southern 
California (her feats recorded in a (text continued on page 91) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY DOUGLAS KIRKLANO 


87 


On the beach near her 
Malibu home, Margot's free 
spirit thrives, os witness 

her exuberant moods, left 
and right. She calls these 
exclusive PLAYBOY photos “the 
Prettiest ever taken of me.“ 


documentary on the sport 
for ABC-TV's “The American 
Sportsman” series). She first 
soared across movie screens in 
"Gaily, Gaily," went on to play 
а psychotic killer in “Sisters” 
and was cast opposite Stacy 
Keach in last year’s “Gravy 
Train.” Her current credits 
include “The Great Waldo 
Pepper” with Robert Redford, 
“Black Christmas” with Keir 
Dullea and “The Reincama- 
tion of Peter Proud,” which 
co-stars Michael Sarrazin and 
Jennifer O'Neill (Margot as 
Jennifers mother, believe it 
or not). For a change of pace, 
watch for her as the seductive 
Miranda in a forthcoming film 
version of "Ninety-Two in the 
Shade" with co-stars Peter 
Fonda and Warren Oates, 
directed and adapted from his 
own best seller by novelist 
Thomas McGuane. Plus many 
more to come. And now that 
she has been properly intro- 
duced, we'll let Margot speak 
for herself: 


By MARGOT KIDDER 


1 told the editors at PLAYBOY 
they could publish these pic- 
tures of me if they'd let me 
write the words. The possibility 
of someone writing "Margot 
has more curyes than the Santa 
Monica Freeway” under my 
naked body didn’t appeal to 
me. Now I'm not sure of what 
it was I wanted to say. Maybe 
I only wanted to rid myself of 
a stilllingering irritation over 
all the timc I wasted as an ado- 
lescent bemoaning the fact that. 
my body didn't look like the 
ones in the PLAYBOY layouts; or 
(text continued on page 176) 


The Margot of today has a unique 
way with men, money and traffic 
tickets. The tickets she seldom 
pays, and occasionally gets 
caught by the police . . . “though 
1 usually manage to elude them.” 
Money? “I'm impossible. | was 
going to sue my accountants 

for fraud but found out l'd spent 
every penny myself." As for men. 
A few. "Recently, I've had this 
crazy, possionote thing with 

a guy who wants to moke love 

їп parking lots and telephone 
booths. Just great. But fidelity is 

а problem for те.“ 


91 


Her proudest public achievement, to date, was being accepted 
by The American Film Institute's Directing Warkshop for 


Wamen. But the private world of Margot is full cf her own 
poetry, pensées and “my secret fantasies about Lord Byron.” 


>“ 
o 
n 
be 
& 
ы 
LJ 


“Speak for yourself, John Alden.” 


JUST A GOOD OLE 
RHODES SCHOLAR 


making it through the night with kris kristofferson 
personality By JACK McCLINTOCK 


KRISTOFFERSON stood still, 
gazing blankly over the 
other man's shoulder. 
Most of the time he is 
loose and easy, the deep 
blue eyes level and. good- 
humored. But tonight he 
was tight, stiff, He was 
backstage trying to get up 
for the concert, but his 
friend Dennis Hopper had 
introduced this New 
Mexico politician who 
was running for governor. 
A big bespectacled man 
wearing a black suit all 
pasted up with stickers 
bearing his own name, 
he was jawing earnestly 
at Kristofferson, Kristoffer- 
son was trying, but he was 
having that kind of day. 

"Things had piled up the 
way they seemed to fre 
quendy in the life he was 
leading lately, the sort of 
life that occasionally gets 
so full it clogs. He was 
making a movie with 
director Martin (Mean 
Streets) Scorsese, working 
long hours and pitching in 
with scriptrewrite ideas. 
The movie was called 
Alice Doesn't Live Here 
Anymore; it was his fifth 
film (after The Last Movie, Cisco Pike, Pat Garrett and Billy the 
Kid and Blume in Love) and a good role, working with an actress 
he respected, Ellen Burstyn. 

Someone had asked him to appear on a telethon in Tucson 
and he had arrived so weary and stoned that he could barely 
talk. His telephone would ring and the caller, star-struck, bashful, 
mute, would mutter something and Kris would grin and buzz 
dully: “Shit, man, one of us gotta say something 

The night before, there had been a Charlie Rich concert 
followed by a pleasant reunion of old friends, a late and liquorish 
picking session in Rich’s suite. For weeks Kristofferson had been 
vibrating to the tensions of performing, had been unstrung by 
travel, booze and unrest, descended upon by hordes of what he 
variously called wackos, nutcakes and wimps. An endless side 
show of spooky ladies turned up at his door bearing notebooks, 
pet bobcats, grandiose schemes of various sorts—one talked her 
way in and made a crazed telephone call to some faraway hus- 
band who picked up his phone to hear the shrill, if invented, 
news that his darling bride was runnin’ off with Kristofferson, 


by God, and so there. All 
this, while back home in 
Malibu waited his wife, 
Rita Coolidge, and their 
new baby girl. a few weeks 
old and seldom seen by 
her father. And there 
were radio people and 
writers, everybody troop- 
ing in and out and every- 
body wanting—wanting 
intimacy of some sort, a 
roll in the hay or a soul- 
illuminating quote and 
enough bizarre behavior 
to make a readable piece. 
Piece is right. Step right 
up and rip off a piece of 
the beleaguered star. 

“The funny thing i: 
he had said in Tucson, 
“people think you're mor 
famous than you аг 
Then he had looked star 
ted, cocking his head. 
“But if they think you are, 
you are, aren't you?" 

So he had flown to Al- 
buquerque from Tucson. 
napped awhile, emerged a 
little rested—and then re- 
ceived confounding news. 
lt had been on the 
radio. A process server 
was staked out backstage, 
waiting for him. And now, 
as the politician rambled on, the process server was dearly the 
main thing on Kristofferson's mind. Over the politician's shoulder, 
he could see the man back there in the shadows, dark and patient 
in a rumpled suit, the heavy sheaf of papers in his hand. 

“And mention I'm moderate on marijuana," the politician 
was saying, Kris having agreed to introduce him to the house 

The singer finally spoke. “You know, half this audience is 
probably red-necks. This is country music." 

The pol looked enlightened at last and hastily bobbed his 
head, eyes shining with understanding. 

Kristofferson smiled wearily and turned away, heading for the 
man with the papers. He collected them privately, with a polite 
handshake. Striding back, glancing through them. . . . Suddenly 
he looked up, grinning. “Shit, I thought it was for that deal with 
the kid, It’s only some dude who claims he wrote Help Me Make 
It Through the Night.” 

Which was good news. There was a girl in Nashville and a 
cute іше blueeyed boy. Denials of fatherhood. Some money 
being paid, nonetheless, in a spirit, he (continued on page 122) 


ILLUSTRATION BY CHRISTOPHER D. ANDREWS 


in mE qe, 


000 04) 
ЖЕ py ly shal) 


ST n ea 
AD 


ШҮ И ТЇЇ? 


а= =т=, mmm mem т = юв м яв ш RR 


ELMER 
GANTRY 


PRESIDENT 


all over washington, the politicians are 
praying. well, if the meek do inherit the earth, 
somebody's going to have to run it for them 


article By ROBERT SHERRILL some of the holy men and 
strange prophets who have drifted across the deserts of Wash- 
ington in recent years have at least been good for a laugh. Sun 
Myung Moon, the visiting Korean who hinted he was Jesus Christ 
and „к most of his time singing patri songs in the park 
the White House—we'll miss him, no E that he's gone. 
those funny 
о used to turn up to preach a sermon P select White 
‘tions, есен, such as Rabbi Louis Finkelstein of 
i uH "Ihe finger of God 

rivi 


ШИШИ TTR A її! їйї 1и 


she's already modeled on three continents, 
but for miss march it’s only the beginning 


minds the family drugstore while her father and brother are out driving 

і cabs—to the Hollywood suburb of Bel-Air, where Ingeborg now lives in 
the company of four Venezuelan monkeys and a toy dachshund. Rest 
assured, though, that she got from O to B in the most logical way—via Japan, 
where she toured department stores a few years ago, showing off Norwegian 
fashions as part of a Nordic festival. An American photographer suggested 
that she try Hollywood and she figured, “Well, I'm halfway around the world 


| T's A LONG Hop from Oslo, Norway—where Ingeborg Sorensen's mother 
| 


Some construction was under way 
near Ingeborg's house and she 
picked up props for these whimsical 
shots. Good thinking, as you see. 


GATEFOLD PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIO CASILLI 99 


anyway; instead of going home by way of Alaska and Moscow, I may as well go via Hawaii and Los Angeles." So Inge- 
borg—a former Miss Norway and Miss Europe who was also runner-up in the 1972 Miss World contest— paid a visit to 
the Southern California glitter capital. Then another. And after shuttling back and forth a few times between L.A. 
and Oslo, she moved to Hollywood for good. And it has been for good, as far as Ingeborg is concerned. She's been 
very busy making TV commercials, and you've probably recognized her already as the blonde who says "Watch Joe 
Namath get creamed!” in the Noxzema commercial ("How was Joe to work with? I'll just say very nice”). Ingeborg is 
currently studying acting with Jeff Corey—she's already made a couple of films but nothing she's inclined to brag 
about—and fully intends to be prepared for the big movie opportunity she's certain will come her way. Her family 


Miss March isa former Miss Nor, 
and Miss Europe who migyated to 
Hollywood on a photograph: 
Score one pointfor Ame: 


In Norway, just about everybody 
grows up on skis, and Ingeborg was no 
exception. Now, when she yearns 
for snow, she travels to Colorado. 


Ona trip to Vail, Ingeborg rides the ski 
lift (above) with her instructor, Dave Ross. 
Below: Whatever goes up must come down. 


isn't too crazy about her living in Hollywood ("We're extremely close, like most European families, who always want 
to have the people they love around them"), but, she declares, “I have to live my own life." Not that Ingeborg, who 
s Norway about twice a year, Я “People саге more about one another there than they do her 
and they go out of their way to show affection. You always know you have friends. Here you have friends one day 
and if you don’t have them the next, you don't much care. I'm sure that L.A. isn’t typical of America, though. Perhaps 
the film industry has something to do with it, but the truth is that a lot of the people I've met out here are very arti- 
ficial. As it happens, most of my friends—the people I spend time with—are Scandinavian." But even if she wishes the 
folks in L.A. were “a little more real,” Ingeborg doesn’t want to sound overly critical, because she does like living 


Ingeborg, who's nuts about Vail— 
style” —relaxes on the terrace of a ski lodge (above), tries on some 
fur coats (right) and enjoys a cup of coffee in a mountaintop tavern. 


Ingeborg feels that in the future 
she’s going to be making a lot of 
motion pictures. We agree. We 
just wish our pictures could move. 


the Otherwise, I wouldn't stay." The Southern California climate is 
a prime attraction: “If there's a fuel shortage here and you can't turn on 
the heat, you won't freeze. Norway is cold, and you would freeze." And 
she manages to enjoy herself, riding horseback, sketching or simply 
socializing. Then, too, she has her pets: “Any time I feel really lonely, 
I can talk to the animals—though I might have to get rid of the mon- 
keys, because they're getting jealous of the dog, and Га rather hold 
on to him." Now, what was that nonsense about leading a dog's life? 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


А woman suing her husband for divorce 
charged that he was too uncouth to be lived 
with. "He's an inveterate tea drinker, your 
Honor,” she explained, “and wherever we 
go, he always drinks his tea with his pinkie 
sticking out.” 

“But that's a silly criticism," said the judge. 
“Why, lots of people drink tea with their finger 
sticking out.” 

“Who said anything about his finger?” 


fm afraid that I have both bad news and worse 

news lor you,” said the doctor to the Southern 

bigot. 

N-whats the bad news, doc?" gulped the 

ent. 

You have an incurable disease, 

the medical man. 
“Oh, my God!" groaned the racist. Then 

muttered, "But what could be worse new: 
“It's sickle-cell anemia.” 


replied 


A toothsome young starlet named Smart 
Was asked to display oral art 

As the price for the role. 

She complied, met his gonl— 
And then sank her teeth in the part. 


The girl and her date had checked into a motel, 
stripped, smoked a joint, leafed through some 
pornographic magazines they'd bought on the 
1 out a new type of vibrator on each 
nd finally coupled in a frenzy. Now they 
ctly side by side, at peace with the world. 
ust think," mused the boy, "in one more 
year we can walk into a bar and order a beer." 


And then there was the old gentleman who had 
massive stroke—which is what made him pop- 
ular at Sun City orgies. 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines loser as a 
man who's tried in small-caims court for 
exhibitionism. 


I sometimes have twenty or so consecutive or- 


gasms using clitoral self-stimulation,” the bache- 
Tor girl told the sex researcher. 

"Good heavens, that’s fantastic!" exclaimed 
the normally blasé researcher. 


Dh, I don’t know," shrugged the woman. 
“After maybe fifteen times, Y run out of 
es, and from there on it's no fun! 


Two women on a plane were chattering away 
behind a man who was preparing to nap. 
"How do you manage to dress so well on your 
asked o 

replied the other. "I 
boyfriend who gives me five hundred 
month for my favors.” 

"s a great idea," rejoined the first 
woman, "but I'm none of the men I 
happen to know could afford that much." 

In that case," said the wayward wife, "find 
two guys who'll pay two-filty apiece, or four 
who'll pay one-twenty-five—— 

At that point, the man in front peered over 
the seat back. "Look, girls, I'm going to sleep," 
he said, yawning, "but give me a nudge when 
you get down to five bucks a throw.” 


Word has just reached us about the ultimate in 
singles bars. It's a place where girls have to 
show their LU.D to be admitted 


lı was an everyday traffic occurrence: One car 
had stopped for a light and the other had 
plowed into it from behind. The only odd cir- 
cumstance was that the first vehicle was being 
driven by a minister and the second by a priest. 
\ policeman came sauntering over as the two 
clergymen began to expostulate with each other. 
“How fast would you say he was 


g" inter- 
jected Officer O'Malley, “when he backed into 
you, Fathes 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines French 
square dance as а go-down hocdown. 


The red-eyed widow asked the attorney about 
her late husband's will. “I'm sorry to tell you, 
my dear,” said the lawyer, “that George left 
1 he had to the Happy Valley Home for 
Indigent Gentlewomen. 
“But what about me?" 
“You're all he had.” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a. post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
IIL 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


“The way I figure it, Captain, the aborigines 
sense an acute infringement of them territorial imperative and are 
retaliating with aggressive antiestablishment behavior!” 


109 


PLAYBOY 


12 


is for all the chips. There is по such thing 
as finishing second. They lose and they 
don't go home. A special breed of cat. As 
the bomber pilots and the missileers jok- 
ingly put it, the fighter pilots are great 
guys to have around in the clutch, but 
you wouldn't necessarily want your sister 
to marry one. 

During the Korean War, U.S, fighter 
pilots, flying mainly the F-86 Sabre, shot 
down Sovict-built Mig-I5s almost at will. 
But when American and enemy fighters 
tangled again, nearly a decade and a half 
later, it was a much different story. The 
two hottest fighters were the FA Phantom 
and the Mig21. In Vietnam, the Phan- 
tom could be said to have held its own, 
but that's about all. It handled the Mi 
17s and Mig-19s all right. But the Мір-21 
was something else. As the war went on, 
many Phantom pilots, without actually 
putting the knock on their fighter, ex- 
pressed the wish that they had a lighter, 
quicker-turning warplane under their 
sticks and less cumbersome weapons 
under their fire-control switches. 

A droop-nosed, hulking airplane (its 
configuration has been likened to that of 
a big rat), the twin-engine Phantom was 
designed by McDonnell Douglas in the 
Fifties primarily as an interceptor and 
attack bomber. It was a Navy plane. The 
civilian leaders of the Department of De- 
fense forced the Air Force, against its 
better judgment, to buy the Phantom as 
its first line fighter. Fighter pilots draw a 
clear distinction between a fighter and an 

terceptor. A fighter is for going up 
against other fighters, head to head at 
close range. An interceptor can serve as 
a fighter but usually gives away too much 
in maneuverability. Many fighter pilots 
will tell you that the last "pure" U.S. 
fighter planes were the F-86 Sabre and 
the F-100 Super Sabre. 

In Vietnam, the F-1, with its Mach-2 
speed (twice the speed of sound, which 
varies up to 770 miles per hour, depend- 
ing on air density), could outpace the 
Mig21 slightly and outclimb it, тоо. But 
he smaller, suppler Mig could make 
tighter turns in a dogfight, terribly dis- 
concerting—if not fatal—to the other 
guy. The Mig was designed to stay home 
and fight, as an “air-superiority” fighter, 
and its $0-millimeter cannon and small 
heatseeking missiles would do quite nice- 
ly for that mission. 

"The Air Force Phantom was equipped 
ith a 20-millimeter cannon, radar- 
directed. long-range Sparrow missiles and 
heat-seeking Sidewinders for close-in 
work, The Navy and Marine versions of 
the Phantom had Sparrows and Side- 
winders but—to the deep regret of its 
pilots—no gun at all. Once it had un- 
loaded its missiles, all it had left was its 
speed to flee the fracas. The problem 
was compounded, early in the air war, by 
the high percentage of Sparrows that 
failed to find their targets. A Pentagon- 
industry team was rushed to Vietnam 


to find out what was wrong. They later 
succeeded in making the Sparrow effective 
most of the time, but it was touch and go 
for a while. The Sparrow, after all, was 
supposed to be the Phantom’s chief com- 
pensation for the extra shot of quicksilver 
in the Mig21. The Mig, theoretically, 
would never get close enough for the 
fancy maneuvering that might be fatal 
to the ЕЛ. The F4 would pick up the 
Mig on radar, well beyond visual range, 
and unleash a Sparrow, which would 
blast off and blow the Mig asunder with 
its 60-pound proximity-fuse warhead. The 
trouble was, the Mig's skinny silhouette 
made radar detection difficult until it had 
approached within the fighting range of 
its own choosing. Moreover, those planes 
ош there, showing up on the Phantom's 
radar screen, were not always Migs. There 
was a lot of U.S. cargo and passenger 
traffic in the air over Vietnam, and the 
Phantom crews could seldom be certain. 
Nothing was said about it at the Penta- 
gon, but there were at least three instances 
of Phantoms’ shooting each other down 
with Sparrows before the rules were 
changed. Visual identification of a 
bogey was required before a Phantom 
crew could fire its missiles. This played 
right into the guns of the Migs. As a re- 
sult, other planes were used as scouts 
for the Phantoms. F104 Starfighters 
would fly out ahead of the Phantom and 
verify, visually, that the blip on the 
Phantom's radar was, indeed, a bogey. 
Then the Starfighters would veer off and 
dart clear and the Phantom would fire its 
Sparrows. An awkward arrangement. On 
top of this, the Sidewinders, early in 
the war, also were unreliable. Clouds buf- 
faloed their infrared homing and guid- 
ance systems. The Migs, catching on to 
this, knew where to zag. 

In the autumn of 1968, Major General 
Marion Carl, then the commander of the 
Second Marine Air Wing, declared at a 
symposium on fighter aircraft: “We gave 
up the guns too soon. Visual identifica 
tion is required before beginning an 
attack, It takes five seconds to get a mis 
sile off. Five seconds is too damn much 
when you are in a hassle.” 

At the same symposium, Admiral John 
S. Thach, father of the famous Thach 
Weave fighter tactic that dates back to 
World War Two, said, “The pilot never 
gets what he wants. He needs guns 
whether he has missiles or not. Missiles 
are a fine weapon against bomber forma- 
tions. Against enemy fighters, traditional 
fighter tactics must be employed, and the 
pilots need guns.” 

As it had become obvious that the 
Phantom would never outclass the Mig- 
21, the Russians had threatened to make 
matters worse. They rolled out several 
new models of fighter planes at their 
Domodedovo Air Show near Moscow in 
1967. Most ominous of these was the 
swing-wing Мір:23, capable of Mach 3 
in dashes and, even more portentously, 


of an acceleration on afterburner (a sort 
of superhigh gear in jets that involves 
an extra shot of fuel near the engine's 
exhaust) that came dose to matching 
flying saucers for streaking out of sight. 
The Mig-23 first was called, by NATO 
code namers, the Foxbat. This name later 
was transferred to the Mig25, when it 
came along, and the Mig?3 was desig. 
nated the Flogger. Fortunately, Floggers 
were never introduced to the skies over 
Vietnam. The U.S. had nothing that 
came close to matching them and, oper- 
ationally, still doesn't. Floggers easily 
could have checked the bombing of the 
north and delayed the withdrawal of 
U. S. forces. Or worse. 

Over Vietnam, the Ling-Temco-Vought 
ЕЗ Crusader was considered the Navy's 
secondline fighter. But the Crusader, 
used more sparingly than the Phantom, 
accounted for 18 of the 55 Migs that 
Navy and Marine jets shot down through 
out the war. The Crusaders kill-per- 
engagement ratio turned out to be three 
times that of the Phantom. What did the 
Crusader have thar the Navy and Marine 
Phantom did not have? A 20-millimeter 
cannon. Like the F4, it also had Side- 
winders. But no Sparrows. One Crusader 
victory over a Mig-17, 22 miles southwest 
of Hanoi on May 23, 1972, was actually 
a forfeit, and thus not counted among 
the official kills. The Mig pilot spotted 
two F-8s from the carrier Hancock com- 
ing at him and bailed out. 

The F-4 pilots learned from necessity 
that they could make their planes do 
things they never were designed to do. 
Such as pull eight gs (eight times the 
force of gravity) in turns, without the 
wings’ falling off. Six and a half gs were 
supposed to be the most they could with- 
stand. The pilots did well with what they 
had. They also learned that some of the 
things the planes could do didn't count 
for much in dogfights. Rarely were they 
required to power up to anywhere near 
the 1400 miles per hour they could at 
tain. The publication Armed Forces 
Journal. International told of how Navy 
lieutenants Randy Cunningham and Wil 
liam Driscoll shot down three Migs in 
one day and then had to punch out over 
the Gulf of Tonkin, on their way back to 
the carrier Constellation, when their F4] 
took a hit from a surface-to-air missile. 
Both were rescued. Lieutenant Com- 
mander Ronald McKeown and his weap- 
ons officer, Lieutenant Commander Jack 
C. Ensch, shot down two Migs on 
May 93, 1972. According to the Jour- 
nal, McKeown spoued a couple of Migs 
and called Ensch on the intercom: 


right behind you. 
McKeown: "This is business. Quit 

screwing around." 
(continued on page 116) 


‘TRENDS 


ways 


FOCUSING ! 
TO WEATHER 


ЇЧ SEVEN STYLISH 
A COLD SNAP 


Who needs Alan Funt 
with this kind of candid 
action? The guy's not 
bod, either, in his cotton 
gabardine belted suit 
that features raincoat 
yoking, raglan sleeves, 
epaulets and button- 
through flap patch top 
pockets, by Michel 
Faret for Barney 
Sampson, $150; plus a 
multicolor floral-print 
cotton shirt with pajama 
collar and barrel cuffs, 
by Cit di Milano for 
Barney Sampson, $50. 


OK, fellas, watch the birdie. 

At left: а rubberized storm 

coat, by Reggie for Peters, about 
$25; and a waterproof cotton 
parka, by Bert Pulitzer, $100. 
Below: Gabardine zip-front jacket 
and matching slacks, by Scotts- 
Grey, $85 for both. Bottom left: 
Sueded baby-lamb tie-belted 
jacket, by Bill Kaiserman for 
Rafael, about $375; and, right: 

a brushed-cotton shirt suit, by 
Nino Cerruti for Gleneagles, $90. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY 1. FREDERICK SMITH. 


The pause that re- 
freshes—and then it's 
back before the lady's 
lens in a nylon zip-front 
windbreaker, by Mc- 
Gregor, $14; сойоп 
turtleneck, by Cardin, 
$20; and a pair of Wool 
gabardine slacks, by 
Bill Kaisermon for 
Rafael, $70 


PLAYBOY 


16 


TAWA BY анаа 


As McKcown related the encounter to 
the Journal: "It looked like there were 
only two Migs and we thought, ‘Man, 
theyre really in over their heads. But 
after we made that first turn, it started 
raining Migs on us. Four Mig-17s. Two 
Mig-19s. And the two of us. Suddenly, 
we were surrounded. .. . In the whole 
hassle, I don't think we ever flew above 
5000 feet. Our wingman, Mike Rabb, got 
one guy off his tail, shooting at him, by 
flying between some trees.” 

By mid-1974, McKeown was the com- 
manding officer and Cunningham, Dris- 
coll and Ensch were among the 13 
combattested instructors of an intensive 
fighter-pilot training program that the 
Navy had set up at Miramar Naval Air 
Station, California, in 1968, during the 
especially suspenseful months over Vict- 
nam. The Air Force had instituted a 
comparable program called Aggressor, at 
Nellis Air Force Base, Nevada. Ironically, 
the Navy program was called Top Gun. 

In the spring of 1974, the Tactical Air 
Power Subcommittee of the Senate Armed 
Services Committee held а “Mig killer 
briefing.” The witnesses were Air Force 
and Navy fighter pilots who bad distin- 
guished themselves over Vietnam. Air 
Force Major Steve Ritchie, an ace who 
had shot down five Mig 21s, all with Spar- 
row missiles, spun a spellbinding account 
for the subcommittee: 


"The average Mig battle took place 
between 5000 and 20,000 feet in sub- 
sonic flight. 

The Mig21—compared with the 
F4—is about half the size, it leaves 
very little smoke, it is very hard to 
see, it has a lower wing loading and 
it can turn tighter than we can, and 
that is very important in an air battle. 
The F4, in comparison, is large, 
bulky, leaves two big smoke trails, 
easy to see; it does not turn as well 
but has a little more power and a 
lot better speed and acccleration— 
particularly at low altitude—and bet- 
ter wcapons. 

"The average Mig tactic was to hit 
and run. He liked to take off, stay 
low, get behind, sneak up behind 
and fire his heat-seeking missiles and 
dive away. He was normally very 
closely controlled by his ground radar 
controller, who was also a pilot. He 
was told when to jettison his external 
fuel tanks, when to go full after- 
burner, when to arm his missiles and 
where to break off and where to land. 
In other words, he was not trained to 
think for himself very much, and I 
think this is one area where we have 
always had the advantage over our 
adversaries. He seemed to have very 
little appreciation for vertical maneu- 
vering and mutual support. Often he 
was not very aggresive. However, 


there were certain exceptions to this, 
and I would just like to briefly tell 
you about my most exciting engage- 
ment, which took place on the eighth 
of July in 1972. It was a definite ex- 
ception to this general nonaggressive- 
ness of the Mig pilot. 

I was leading the egress flight, 
which means I was the last F4 flight 
in. Our job was to be there to protect 
the rest of the force as they came out. 
Well, most of the action was normally 
at the beginning of the mission, so 1 
thought it would be a pretty dull, 
routine day. 1 am coming inbound, 
listening to the Mig CAP [Combat 
Patrol] frequency and, sure 
enough, the Migs are up, and one 
of the Chaff escorts—Brenda Zero 
One—has been hit in the left engine 
by a missile from a Mig. He is hcad- 
cd out, his left engine is out, fire 
light on, bleeding fuel and hydraulic 
fluid, announcing position, heading 
and altitude on GUARD—the emer- 
gency frequency. 

Well, about this time, one of the 
Mig airplanes—Dallas Zero Four— 
has a fire light. He is headed out, 
announcing position, heading and 
altitude. 

Historically, the North Vietnamese 
ground radar controllers would vec- 
tor other Migs against our people 
that were in trouble. So I changed my 
course and headed in the direction of 
these two guys who were in trouble, 
dropped down to low altitude— 
about 5000 fect—and began to re- 
ceive good information from Red 
Crown and Disco. Red Crown is the 
Navy ship off the coast that provides 
radar and intelligence information 
on the mission. And Disco, of course, 
is the Air Force EC-121 orbiting over 
Laos and providing that same service. 

After about five or six 90-degree 
turns in tactical patrol formation, I 
was in the vicinity of Banana Valley 
about 30 miles southwest of Han 
I had just made a turn from a head- 
ing of south to a heading of east 
when I received a key call from Disco. 
Disco said, “They are two miles north 
of you." I rolled Ieft to a heading of 
north and picked up a lead Міє 21 
coming in at ten o'clock. I called, “I 
got a Mig-2I left at ten o'clock level, 
two miles closing.” I rolled left and 
blew off the external fuel tanks and 
went full afterburner. We passed 
canopy to canopy about 1000 feet 
from each other. He was а spit- 
polished silver Mig-21 with bright- 
red stars painted on him. Every other 
Mig that I had seen—a total of 16 
Migs—was a dingy silver. This one 
was highly spit polished. 

I did not see the numbertwo 
Mig, and from studying their recent 


tactics, which was one of the most 
important things we did during our 
training, I knew that if I did not sec 
number two in a fairly close fighting 
wing formation—what they called 
bearing-of-aircraft formation—that it 
would be somewhere in trail. 

Of course, what they wanted us to 
do was turn on the first Mig and the 
number-two Mig would then come in 
and shoot us down. 

1 did not see the number two, so 1 
rolled out and headed for the ground 
in full power, unloaded the airplane 
and waited. That was a little hard to 
do, because the shiny Mig was either 
getting away or he was turning to get 
in behind me. 

Sure enough, here came the num- 
bertwo Mig, about 10,000 feet in 
trail. І am down below him now. And 
as he passed, I went into a left 135- 
degree-bank, nose-down, slicing turn, 
about six and a half gs. It turns out 
to be just about the right amount of 
turn in terms of energy maneuver- 
ability—in other words, trying to get 
around the turn and yet maintain 
energy to fight with. 

About halfway through my turn, I 
picked up the number-two Mig in a 
right turn, level and high. As I com- 
pleted the turn, I noticed a large 
angle off developing—or what we call 
a large track-crossing angle. 

То reduce this angle, I barrel- 
rolled to the left, put the Mig in the 
gun sight. I have the radar in bore 
sight, which means it is looking 
through my gun sight. What I did 
was to put the Mig in the gun sight 
and lock on the radar with a switch 
on my left throttle called the auto- 
acquisition switch. It wasa good lock- 
on. Now I have got to wait [classified] 
seconds to fire the Sparrow radar mis- 
. I waited, squeezed the trigger 
twice; they are always launched in 
pairs for better probability of kill— 
and it is another [classified] seconds 
if you do everything right. And that 
is a long time in an air battle, 

The Mig-21 can generate a lot of 
turn in [classified] seconds. So he saw 
me and started to turn down into me. 

І got the lockon at about zero 
degree to ten-degrees angle-off, and 
about 6000 feet. About the time the 
first missile came off the airplane, the 
Mig had turned into me about five 
degrees, and he was 45 degrees past 
my nose, about 4000 feet. I am pull- 
ing about [classified] gs, which is very 
close to the limit of the capability of 
the missile. 

The first missile came off the air- 
plane and went through the center 
of his fuselage. The second missile 
went through the fireball. 

The Mig broke into two big 
pieces—a big fireball and a lot of 

(continued on page 198) 


PLAYBOY 


ELMER GANTRY „аон page s7) 


religious movement was beginning to 
take place. It may increase its pace under 

inistration of Gerald Ford, for 
e Nixon. looks on religion as 


actually thinks God talks to him. More- 
over, he is surrounded by men who en- 
courage him to think he is a vessel of the 
Almighty. 

One of Ford's closest spiritual coaches 
is the evangelist Reverend Billy Zeoli of 
Grand Rapids, Michigan, is also 
sometimes a traveling chaplain for ath- 
letic teams and a red-hot in such activities 
as Youth for Christ. Every week. Zeoli 
sends Ford a written pep talk and sug- 
gested prayer. One of his memos suggested 
that the President pray: "My Dear God, 
why don’t You just come and sit down in 
nd tel] me what to do?” 
ng truth is that Ford prob- 
ably believes God takes that chair and 
gives that advice. When Ford went on 
television to tell a stunned nation that 


he had taken directions from God, not 
the Constitution. He said. “The Consti- 
tution is the supreme law of our land and 
it governs our actions as citizens. Only the 
laws of God, which govern our con- 
sciences, are superior to it.” So, Ford— 
who said that he was acting “not as Presi 
dent but as a humble servant of God" — 
followed what. poor old scrambled U 
of M football brain told him were holy 
orders and pardoned the unindicted 
coconspirator. 

It was а predictable move. Eleven days 
earlier, in а press conference, Ford had 
said tl he had "asked for prayers for 
guidance" on what to do about the par- 
don. Right then, we should have known 
Nixon was home free. Any time a politi- 
cian starts laying things at heaven's gate, 
you can expect the worst. 

In his very first utterance as Presi- 
dent—an inaugural speech of only about 
850 words—Ford mentioned prayer four 
times and God four tines, which by mod- 
ern Presidential standards was an incred- 
ible gush of piety. At the forefront of 
the movement, it's plain, stands a zcalot. 

The movement I'm talking about was 
correctly described by one magazine 
(though with no apparent awareness of 
rous qualities of the phenome- 
n intricate web of groups and 
individuals—almost an underground net- 
work—stretching well across religious 
1 boundaries, all of them 
part of a small but growing spiritual 
renaissance in Washington.” 

‘The prayer groups, springing up like 
toadstools all over Washington, have 
been well publicized. From the President 
to the leaders of Congress to the man- 
darins of the Pentagon, in every pew of 
the bureaucracy and the Federal legis- 


118 lature, the big boys and little boys are 


falling on their knees to ask God’s guid- 
ance in their plundering of the republic. 

The most notorious of the prayer 
groups is the one in which Ford partici 
pates (a very intimate group that includes 
only ex-Defense Secretary Melvin Laird, 
House Minority Leader John J. Rhodes 
and Congressman Albert H. Quie) and 
the one on Capitol Hill that allegedly 
converted ex-White House hatchet man 
Charles Colson before he toddled off to 

rison. 

But there are literally hundreds of 
other knots of prayerful folks in Govern- 
ment, all loosely tied together in an ceric 


fashion through something informally 
called The Fellowship. Usually it is not 
even spelled with capital letters. It gets 
its name from the fact that ma i 


of its 


sor. the International Christian Leader- 
ship, and often meet at Fellowship House, 
which has for years been headquarters 
for the LCL. 

The LC.L. has sponsored the annual 
glorification of the status quo, the Na- 
tional Prayer Breakfast in Washington, 
for the past 21 years. It has become 
а command-appearance occurrence, to 
which about 3000 of the most powertul 
теп, including most of the Cabinet, 
members of the Supreme Court and the 
cream of big business go each year. The 
L. and the Fellowship Foundation 
ave also helped organize hundreds of 
mayors’, governors’ and busincssmen's 
prayer groups across the land. 

The Fellowship Foundation gets its im- 
petus and its financial support from a 
largely anonymous group of wealthy 
businessmen, conservative politicians and 
conservative clergymen who are inter- 
ested in promoting a civil religion that 
smothers political dissent and homoge- 
nizes social protest. 

That's apparently what the big prayer 
ival in Washington is aiming at: a ге- 
ival of the religio-political trance of the 
Fifties, when the lith Commandment 
was “Thou shalt not criticize thy leaders 
or thy fatherland.” The hysterical anti- 
ism of the McCarthy-Eisenhower 
not by accident, with a 
ts revival that saw the rise of 
political chaplains such as Dr. Norman 
Vincent Peale, Billy Graham and Billy 

is, who preached the right 
ness of controlling the country in the 
name of Christian Corporate Profit, and, 
if war should come, killing a million 
Commies for Christ. The Fi were the 
golden era of political Christianity, an 
era. as one scholar noted at the end of 
the decade, that was “marked by an ex- 
traordinarily large component of pious 
utilitarianism in which religion has been 
made ulterior to almost every conceivable 
human need, from nationalism and free 


enterprise to business success and ‘pray- 
ing your fat away.” 

That old-time religion is coming back. 
To the religious establishment of Wash- 
ington—that is, to men such as Dr. 
Edward L. R. Elson, chaplain of the 
U.S. Senate and Eisenhower' former 
pastor (he baptized [ke shortly after he 
went into the White House in 1953)— 
the rebirth of the Fifties means a turn 
ing away from the militant activism of 
the Sixties, when, as Dr. Elson remem- 
bers, "too many clergymen substituted 
grabbing a placard and geuing out on the 
streets for praying. They should have 
been sitting in thcir studies and poring 
over books and producing a message for 
the le, but instead they were out 


pol i 


ng the church.” But now, says 
Dr. Elson, in the trumpeting voice with 
which he summons God's blessings up- 
on the Senate each morning, "We are into 
the Seventies and religious people feel 
there's been an empty space, there's been 
a need for the transcendent, for God. T 
think it's been here for the past two years, 
but it's becoming more and more intense. 
It's very clear that we are in the incipient 
stages, if not the full flush of a new 
spiritual awakening, the most impressive 
I've seen in the 28 years I've been in 
Washington.” 

Not everyone in Washington rejoices 
at this development. Some agree with 
Congressman John Brademas, who is ac- 
tive in the Methodist Church but avoids 
the political prayer groups around the 
House of Representatives because he has 
“reservations about the dangers of re 
gion being used to reinforce the state. 

If the watering down of dissent is one 
of the objectives of the religious move- 
ment, the question is: How far would the 
leaders of the movement go to squelch op- 
position? The answer has not clearly sur- 
faced as yet in the United States, although. 
there have been suggestive moments. As 
when, at a massive revival meeting in 
Knoxville a few years ago, Nixon strode 
onstage while a 5500-voice choir sang, 
“How great Thou art! How great Thou 
art!" and the Reverend Billy Graham 
exhorted the crowd, “I'm for change, but 
the Bible teaches us to obey author 
ity"; and then, when some dissenters on 
the fringe of the crowd began to chant, 
"Peace now, peace now,” a claque of 
good Christians who were worked up with 
patriotic piety threatened to beat the shit 
out of them. 

Nixon and Graham were always а 
pretty effective bullyboy team. At a 
Charlotte rally to honor Graham at which 
Nixon spoke, the crowd was “sanitized” 
by bouncers who moved through the audi- 
ence, picking out people wearing Mod 
clothes and with longish hair and throw- 
ing them out in a style that a Federal 
judge later described as "a wholesale as- 
sault upon the ights and liberties 
of numerous citizens.” Nixon personally 
(continued on page 160) 


` 
Vitalis p^ 


Н хаштй 


і 
| NAR 


TRAVELER 


Counterclockwise from 11: Brake 
wide roll-on deodorant, by 
Mennen, $1.09. Vitalis Dry Con- 
trol spray, by Bristol-Myers, 
$1.59. Old Spice shave cream, 
by Shulton, $1.35. Earth Born 
Shampoo, by Gillette, $.89. Air 
Brush drier, by Clairol, $27.99. 


face-saving 
and body-pampering 
totables for 
quick trips and 
leisurely junkets 


fa ло 


MARO 


fu Тотем 


Nest 


S AIDS 


Toilet lotion, by Royall Lyme, 
$6 a set. English Leather lotion, 
by Mem, $3.50. Braggi beard 
softener, $4, after-shave lotion, 
$4.50, and skin-conditioning 
cream, $5, all by Charles Rev- 
son. Trac 11 razor, by Gillette, 
$2.95. Travel kit, by Dopp, $18. 


19 


120 


Clockwise from 12: Cologne 
spray, by Pierre Cardin, $10. 
Private genital deodorant 
spray, by Charles Revson, $5. 
Equipage cologne and after- 
shave gift set, by Hermés, 
$15. Rechargeable World-Wide 
shaver is equipped to handle 


either 110- or 220-volt current, by 
Remington, about $47. Round 
bar of lime-scented soap, by 
Royall Lyme, $4 a pair. Face 
bronzer for men, by Yves Seint 
Laurent, $5. Pro Gun 1000 with 
four-way control comes with 
a stand to allow free styling 


POSTER ART BY PETER PALOMBI 


with both hands, by Clairol, 
$33.99. Anti-perspirant stick, by 
Mitchum Thayer, $3.50. Sham- 
poo de Pantene, by Pantene, 
$3.50. Brut fragrance balls for 
use in closets, luggage, etc., by 
Fabergé, $3.50. Calfskin travel 
case, from Bonwit Teller, $1715. 


rain 


fz pierre cal 


Clockwise from one: Conair 
Super Pro Style drier, by Con- 
tinental Hair Products, $32. An 
8-0z. bottle of shampoo, $2.50, 
and finishing rinse, $2.50, both 
by Vidal Sassoon. Ultra Ban 5000 
deodorant, by Bristol-Myers, 
$1.35. Indoor/Outdoor tanning 


lotion, by Sea & Ski, $1.70. 
Canoe after shave, by Dana, $4. 
Portable Norelco shaver that 
operates on batteries, by North 
American Philips, about $20. 
Zizanie eau de toilette travel 
spray, by Fabergé, $10. Braggi 
cologne, by Charles Revson, 


POSTER ART BY PAT NAGEL 


alshing 
Rinso 


$8.50. Beard softener, $6, and 
gritty gel face scrub, $6, both 
by Lucarelli. Rare Teak & Musk, 
from Love Cosmetics, $3.75. 
Shampoo with protein, $3.50, 
and soap on a rope, $5, both by 
Pierre Cardin. Roomy British 
carryall, by Hunting World, $98. 


121 


PLAYBOY 


GOOD OLE RHODES SCHOLAR continued jrom page 95) 


says, of friendship. Such things can get 
rough. But—he grins—great, all the dude 
wanted was $2,000,000. 

He carried his relief into the dressing 
room, where he slumped now, surrounded 
by the band and visitors, pouring Jack 
Daniel's into a Coke can, cracking: "This 
looks like a team that's about to get its 
ass kicked." In funky brown suede, he 
looked rangy and tanned, not as fleshy 
and rounded as in the films and photos, 
and a little older. Not as tall, either, 
perhaps 5/10” or so and slightly soft at 
the middle but not paunchy, retaining 
at 38 the boxer's muscular arms. His face 
has a refinement of feature uncommon 
in male country singers—the prosperous 
California family had passed along kind 
genes. There is that good, wide, white, 
all-American-boy grin he displayed so 
frequently as Billy the Kid, but the truly 
arresting items are the eyes and the voice. 
‘The eyes are clear blue and curiously 
small, deeply set over high cheekbones. 
‘The voice is a growly, buzzy purr, raw 
brown sugar laced with a hoarse hint of 
danger, а voice women love and lean 
closer to hear because sometimes it does 
not carry well. 

"You look," he said, grinning back 
over his shoulder, "like a bookend in 
need of a book" It was the previous 
afternoon in Tucson, in Vernon White's 
room. White, the Warner Bros. publicity 
man, had been saying how Kristofferson 
was "real"— invariably the first thing you 
hear about him—when the singer came 
in, snapped open a beer, clambered onto 
a bed and began chatting about acting, 
boxing, boyhood. A few minutes later, 
Toby Rafelson, the film's production 
designer, arrived and arranged herself 
cozily back to back against him like, well, 
bookends. She grinned back as he talked 
about stylish fighters he had admired and. 
then slipped into a boyhood reminiscence. 

"Back in Brownsville, they weren't 
mean to the square people or the dumb 
people. But in California, in junior high, 
1 can remember starting а fight. Tha 
what you did. I knew Га win and I di 
Christ!” he said, staring into his beer. 
“Tm still ashamed of that. I can see the 
kid all bloody; 1 couldn't hit him any- 
morc. .. ." He shook his head. He had 
been boxing since the age of ten, hitting 
the garage wall. “I still have fantasies 
of fighting in Madison Square Garden.” 

He was tired that day but wanted to 
make the Charlie Rich concert, so we 
drove over in a rusted-out Chevy station 
wagon belonging to Vernon Wray, a local 
friend of his. Kristofferson bought the 
tickets for the whole entourage; and then, 
inside, he slumped in а seat with his jack- 
et rolled over his arms like a man wait. 
ing for a plane late at night in an empty 
airport, sitting up to do shrill two-finger 


122 whistles and heavy pounding claps after 


each song of Rich's, Bobby Bares and 
Barbara Fairchild's, uying to help crank 
up a slow audience. Fairchild sang a Hank 
Williams song and Kristofferson leaned 
over. “Can you believe that guy? He's 
been dead since 1959 or something [1953] 
and they're still doing his songs!" 

In Rich's suite later, the lights were 
off, people sprawled around the room. 
service cart of beer, shrimp cocktail, 
Scotch and guacamole dip, joints were 
lit and circling like fireflies, with a guitar 
following more slowly. Petite, blonde, big 
eyed Fairchild was beside Kristofferson 
on the couch, leaning toward him in tiny 
slow increments. She took the guitar, did 
a song she wrote: “When you want some- 
thing different you come home to me.” 
Kristofferson grinned widely. She has a 
rich, butterscotch country voice and the 
sentiment of the song, simple though it 
was, was the real stuff. You could see Kris 
marveling as the guitar went past him. He 
passed it himself. 

“You want to close the show, Kris?” 
somebody asked wryly from a dark corner. 
He was the only one who hadn't per- 
formed. The eyes were on him, waiting. 
Yet chere was a reluctance, a kind of 
aw-shucks forelock tugging. He looked 
startled, then hurt, then (reluctantly, it 
seemed) took the guitar, strummed, sang: 
“Who do you have to screw to get out 
of this place?” Everybody laughed. 

A blond kid from one of the backup 
bands took the instrument and began 
pitching his songs to Kris, the way you 
know Kris remembers doing when Johnny 
Cash was around. The kid kept looking 
eagerly at Kris, who finally growled, 
pleasantly enough: “You're gonna be a 
fuckin’ star, man.” 

Rich went to bed. Bare did a funny 
song, popped another beer and then 
turned quiet, wearing his cowboy hat and 
a little smile. Kristofferson, in a corner, 
somehow seemed to be in the center of 
the room. The eyes on him. .. . 

“I never dreamed it'd get this big," he 
had said. “Five years ago, I was hopin’ 
to make ten or fifteen thousand a year 
and pay my bills. Now I can make that 
in a weekend.” Last year he paid a quarter 
of a million in income taxes. One song, 
For the Good Times, earns $70,000 a 
year. Help Ме Moke It Through the 
Night does nearly as well. He stars in 
films, does concerts at will, the phone 
rings and it's a rep for Sinatra begging 
for a song. He's on the cover of the 
Rolling Stone. 


The name on his pay check is Kris 
toffer Kristofferson and he tells inter- 
viewers that the first feeling he remembers 
is loneliness—"a separateness.” Yet, when 
you try to picture him as one of those 
sad-assed mopers you knew in high school, 
the imagination fails. The presence he 
has in films comes through even more 


clearly in person and he seems always to 
have been the one you envied—hand- 
some, smart, wilty, strong, the girls all 
over him, the eyes always upon him. 
There are other contradictions, one of 
the most obvious being that he writes 
country songs, but he was never a bump- 
kin. Kristoflerson grew up in Brownsville 
and San Mateo, the son of an Air Force 
and Pan American pilot, a major gen 
eral. Pomona College, where he played 
football all four years while majoring in 
creative writing. He organized a rugby 
team, boxed Golden Gloves, wrote sports 
pieces for the paper, platoon commander 
of the R.O.T.C. unit, made Phi Beta 
Kappa, was written up in Sports Ilus- 
trated—clean-cut, well rounded, popular, 
talented. He won four of 20 prizes in 
Atlantic Monthly's collegiate short-story 
competition, wrote part of a novel, was 
chosen a Rhodes scholar and sailed off to 
Oxford, where he studied English litera- 
ture, became enamored of William Blake 
and argued poetry with gay dons at gen- 
teel literary sherry parties. 

And wrote country songs. And was 
signed up by a British promoter who 
changed his name to Kris Carson and 
set about creating a new teen idol, a one 
man Led Zeppelin. Time did a story. 

And he dropped out. Joined the Army's 
air arm, went to flight school, jump 
school, Ranger school. Stationed in Ger 
he assembled а country music 
ing of himself (a captain) 
and a group of enlisted men—an un 
seemly familiarity that was invariably 
noted in his efficiency reports. And drank 
and smoked. And totaled two cars and 
wrecked four motorcycles. Was ordered 
to West Point to teach English. But 
along in there, he had met a cousin of 
Marijohn Wilkins, a Nashville song 
writer (Waterloo, Long Black Veil) then 
launching a new publishing house, Buck- 
horn Music. He sent her a tape. She re- 
gu Stop by if you happen through 


NI took leave and visited Marijohn 
and not long after resigned his commis- 
sion, moth-balled the captain's uniform 
and equipped himself with Levis and 
cowboy boots. He was 29, poor, talented, 
a Nashville cat. “Hoping we could take it 
"til we'd make it to the top.” 

Ken Lambert, his roommate in the 
early Nashville days: "E never thought 
he'd be a star. He was good, but a lot of 
us were good.” 

His mother: “Don't you think your 
old friends'll think you're gutless, don’t 
have what it takes?” 

Fran, then his wife: angry, mystified, 
hurt. 

Marijohn: "I signed him on a $35-a- 
week draw. all I could afford then. 
There's a feeling you get. Some people 
havean aura” 

Kristofferson: “It wasn't easy.” 

Marijohn suggested a teaching job at 

(continued on page 170) 


“For heaven's sake, Freddie, must you always wonder what 


your uncle would have done in your place?” 


123 


124 


ILLUSTRATION BY CHRISTIAN PIPER. 


he had spent almost a decade in that cell, but the time was far from wasted | fiction By JESSE HILL FORD 


HOW 1 FOUND the car 

was I went with the truck 
looking for some plows and 

a harrow and a mowing 
machine, horse-drawn stuff 
we had a chance to sell to а 
fellow who was farming 
produce оп shares—tomatoes, 
in particular, You сапт 
cultivate tomatoes with a trac 
tor. The sticks are too high. 
He had located a pair of mules. 
He was a Do Right, but that 
isjanother story. A Do-Right 
isa member of а small 


religion we have in west 
‘Tennessee wherein a man 
pledges that he will do right 
ándif a Do-Right is not 

lazy, he’s a fair credit risk. 

So һе needed the implements 
and I said I'd go look and 

see if I could Jocate them over 
on my grandmother's place. 

1 got into the tack and 
drove over there. It was July 
and I looked over her cotton 
and beans and saw that 
everything looked good. 
She'd built her cage Jaying 


shed spang at the other end 
of the2000 acres instead of 
putting it on the main road 
like L advised her and I 
crossed the stock gaps and. 
the dust powdered on the 
hood of my green truck. I put 
up the windows and put the 
air conditioning on and 
turned up die music on the 
country station and presently 
Isaw the laying house and 
drove оп back/to the barn, 
white painted and neat. I 
found;the key on my ring 


and unlocked the doors and 
swung them open and saw 
the implements almost at 
once and the stalls just as 
they had been left, cleaned 
ош and swept after the last 
mule died, It was a fine 

old barn and maybe I still 
would not have found the 
car except that I went walk- 
ing down thc hall. looking in 
the big old box stalls and 
thinking how it was when Ї 
was a boy. It was the fourth 
stall down and when I saw 


125 


PLAYBOY 


the car, red and low and foreign, with a 
good bit of dust on it that had filtered 
down from the old loft above, I took a 
look at the outer wallboards and could 
see where they had been removed in 
order to put the car in there. My first 
thought was of Sheriff, my little brother, 
for І well knew his love of cars. And I 
thought, Well, Sheriff has bought a car 
and for some reason stored it in here 
without saying a word to anybody about 
it. Then I stepped inside the stall and 
stooped down and rubbed the barn dust 
off the license plate. New York State, 
1965—1I crouched there in the silence 
of the barn and pondered that. I could 
feel my heart beating. I stood up and 
opened the car door on the drivers 
side. It sure needed greasing, for it kind 
of groaned—a coffinlid groan—and 1 
looked inside and saw that it was prob- 
ably British and next saw that it was 
a Jaguar. You don't see a whole lot of 
Jaguars in west Tennessee. Fact of the 
business, you so rarely sce one now that 
the interstate has been put through that 
there just isn't any telling when the last 
Jaguar came through Pinoak, Tennessee. 
‘The interstate, which cut us off the main- 
stream of travel between Florida and the 
Midwestern states, was opened in 1966. 

I saw something on the steering 
column held by little coil springs and 
celluloid. І took it off the column and 
read the name on the New York driver's 
nse. S. Jerome Luben, male, black 

brown eyes, age 2 
ide Drive, New York City. Nobody 
with a name like Luben could be mis- 
taken for a member of the Pinoak Mis- 
nary Baptist Church. I tossed the 
nse, celluloid, coil springs and all, 
onto the driver's scat and dosed the 
door. It shut with a sound that was 
somchow so final I stood there another 
full minute at least before I could move. 
Тһе dust of nine years іп a тше barn 
was on my hands. 

The year 1965 was the year Sheriff 
left home for the Marines. I recalled 
the day he left. I recalled a lot of things, 
including the way he kept whispering 
something and nodding to Henry. Henry 
is the nigger who has worked for my 
grandmother since he was a little boy 
he kind of waited on Sheriff and buddied 
around with him since Sheriff was litte. 

Did I say my little brother is spoiled? 
Spoiled rotten. The baby in the family. 
My mother thought she was in the 
change of life and went around eight 
months thinking he was a tumor and 
probably malignant until she finally 
went to the doctor after she had got our 
family lawyer, Oman Hedgepath, to make 
her will, which would have left most of 
her estate for the support of foreign mis- 
sions. Mother worried about the souls of 
the heathens. When Ocie Pentecost told 
her she was pregnant, I think she felt 
cheated. А month later, here came 


һай 
Rivers 


126 Sheriff. That is not his name, of course. 


His real name is Caleb Batsell Beeman 
Baxter. Mother had an uncle in Somerton 
whose name was Caleb and he got into 
real estate and insurance and put his 
signs up so they read: C. BATSELI. BEEMAN 
FOR EVERYTHING IN REAL ESTATE AND IN 
surance Nes. He put that sign on 
every road leading in and out of town 
and had a fine income all his life right 
vp to the moment he fell into the wheat 
bin and suffocated. Wheat is like water, 
you fall into it and you go under. Unde 
Batsell could not swim. 

Mother figured Sheriff would be a 
lawyer like Oman Hedgepath and have 
a sign on his door and a shingle hanging 
in the breeze оп Main Street. reading: 
с. BATSELL. в. BAXTER, which she thought 
would make everybody with any law 
business want to see her youngest son. 

As for me, 1 was never in her mind 
otherwise than somebody to run every- 
thing. To gin cotton during ginning 
season and combine beans during bean 
season, to buy hay and manage for the 
silage and between times build rent hous 
cs and work in the store and manage the 
tractor-and implement company and make 
private loans and buy farms and run the 
sawmill—or, in other words, just like my 
daddy always did, to ran everything and 
see to everything and mind everything 
nd when there was nothing else to do, to 
п behind the meat counter and 


step 
weigh hams. 
Not Sheriff, though. Once it got 


through her head that he was not а tumor, 
she saw the practice of the law 
Then he started to grow up and almost 
from the first word lie spoke, it was ob 

ous that all in the world he would ever 
want to do would be to be a sheriff and 
enforce the law. It was all that he spoke 
about, and because he was the baby, we 
gave him toy guns and little uniforms and 
hats and badges. He went around dressed 
like that and went to school that way. 
What else would we call him but Sheriff? 
Everybody in Slipo County thought he 
was cute as a bug and during the straw- 
berry festival every year, we'd build him 


a float in the shape of а sheriff's patrol 
car with little wheels on it and 1 
and all and Sheriff would ride in it, with 


Henry and a couple of others pulling him 
in the children's parade. Time and again 
he won first or got an honorable men 
tion from the judges who come each year 
from Memphis to judge the parade and 
the beauty contest. 

Then he got to high school and we gave 
him an automobile and Grandmother 
gave him police lights for the top of it 
and my father bought him a siren from 
Sears. I got him a real badge from a pawn. 
shop in Memphis. It saved us from having 
to wonder what to do for him when it 
came Christmas. 

If something happened in Pinoak, we 
had Sheriff as our private police force to 
investigate things and make arrests and 
take people over to Somerton to the jail. 


understand. but a con 
venience in a small place like Pi 
where you don't have a police force. 

Sheriff, for the most part, confined him- 
self to stopping out-of-state cars if they 
were speeding or if they looked suspi 
cious. He'd pull them over, get out, walk 
up to the driver's side and tip his 
He was young and blond and blue-eyed 
and had such an innocent face. Yet be- 
hind it there was always something that 
made folks do exactly what he told them 
to do. Show their driver's license, open 
their trunk lid, even open their suitcases 
He confiscated ever so much liquor an 
beer, but never went so far as to actually 
arrest anybody . . . that I ever knew any- 
thing about. 

He seemed happy and he seemed con- 
tented. When he asked if he could have 
a jail, my father consulted highway р 
trol. They advised against it. The law in 
Tennessee did not, they said. let folks 
operate private jails. That could cause 
problems, they said. Otherwise, as long as 
Sheriff never arrested anybody or gave a 
ticket or fined anybody, hc could pretty 
wall do as he pleased. for he was a deter 
rent to speeders. Pinoak got known far 
and wide as a speed trap. Back before they 
opened the interstate, the outofstate 
traffic would drive through Pinoak so slow 
you could walk alongside it the whole two 
blocks. They'd come at 
with Sheriff so close behind in his cru 
he was all but bumper ro bumper, 
Sheriff just daring them to make a wrong 
move or do anything sudden or reckless. 

More than anything else, he liked to 
stop a € h a New York tag, for when 
that happened. like as not he'd get a Toud- 
mouth who would start to complain and 
bitch and raise his voice and Sherifi 
would end up practically taking the fel- 
low's car apart in front of his eyes. New 
York drivers were a challenge to Sheriff, 
Looking at that red car gave me a chill 
in spite of the heat. 

I went outside and stood just beyond 
the white-painted doors of the mule bar 
I could sec the cage-laying house and hear 
the hens and could smell that special odor 
of hen shit and cracked eggs and ground 
feed. I saw that Henry's truck was there, 
so I went down to the packing room апі 
found him. He had collected the eggs and 
had them in the tank with the vibrator 
that washes them and he was grading 
them and putting them in big square 
cartons of 50. The cracked ones he broke 
all the way and put the yolks and whites 
into big pickle jars to be hauled to the 
poor farm and to the Somerton jail, be- 
cause the old and the poor and the pris 
oners are just as well fed on cracked 
eggs as on whole ones and cracked eggs 
come a whole lot cheaper; besides, other- 
wise we'd have to feed the cracked ones to 
the hogs. Henry never looked up and the 
vibrator hummed and the water danced 
the hen shit off the eggs and the smell of 
(continued on page 146) 


Nothing official 


ROBERT KEELING 


POMPEO POSAR 


Berar 


When the lady's between the sheets au naturel (preceding The guy above, enthusiastically manhandling what was 
128 page), pulling aside that last bit of cover can be titillating. once a nightie, is really getting into the spirit of things. 


GUS GREGORY 


How long since you've seen a girl—let alone two—in lingerie the girls to wear in this scene,” says photographer Gregory. 
like this? “I picked very feminine, almost outdated slips for “То me, that made it more of a fantasy, more of a turn-on.” 129 


GARRICK PETERSON 


“The sensuality of tearing those wet T-shirts is what 1 was shredding fabric is erotic in itself. The models, inadentally, 
interested inj’ says Peterson. “The tactile sensation of really enjoyed themselves during the half-hour shooting” 


DENNIS SCOTT 
ч 


Just because a girl is solitary doesn't mean she has to be Һет very own personal dreams, when even the flimsiest 
in confinement. There are times when she's alone, dreaming wisp of sheer bikini panties becomes—simply—too much. |, 


PAUL GREMMLER 


£L 


To photographer Gremmler, the combination of force and form in “something unusual, something it isn't normally 
132 eroticism could best be realized by placing the human female found in. So 1 encased my model in transparent plastic wrap.” 


GUS GREGORY 


The image of a woman relentlessly but gently—even dain- connotes, to Gregory, every man’s “age-old fantasy—the desire 
tily—tearing her lovers tank-top undershirt with her teeth to be raped. Trouble is, in real life it never seems to happen.” 133 


Glothing’s not the only thing that comes off in amorous by- а ravishing brunctte—only to end up by ravishing a scduc 


134 play, cs the stalwart above discovers when he begins seducing tive redhead, who quite literally flips her wig for him. 


BILL ARSENAULT 


One revelation deserves another in this hair-razing story. тоу sacrifice his muslache—especially when the facial un- 


If a girl can shed her raven locks for love, surely her partner veiling can be accomplished with a little help from his friend. 135 


THE VARGAS GIRL 


“And you say it's called hot-dogging?" 


essay on woman Ву Pego Borewell, 1763 


ON NOVEMBER 15, 1763, the assembled House of Lords listened 
to Lord Sandwich read a tong, indecent poem called “Essay on 
Woman.” It was, of course, a parody of Alexander Pope’s famous 
“Essay оп Man" and was purported to have been written by 
John Wilkes. His lordship was trying to add some weight to the 
charge of seditious libel against Wilkes and—as one of the most 
dissolute, foulmouthed noblemen in England—thoroughly 
enjoyed this effort to do his old friend in. Lord Lyttleton rose 
in protest and asked that the reading be stopped, but the noble 
lords cried, “Read on! Read on!” and, when the recital was 
over, cheerfully voted the poem a “most scandalous, obscene 
and impious libel.” 

No one has ever proved whether or nol Wilkes was the 
author—he was quite capable of obscene and impious libels, 
but he was probably a better poet than the pseudonymous Pego 
Borewell who signed the verses. In any case, Wilkes had had 
the work printed on his own press and he was well acquainted 
with it. 

Wilkes, friend of Voltaire and Dr. Johnson and a brilliant 
maverick in British politics, went on to become one of the most 
fervent defenders of American rights against King George HI 
The fourth Earl of Sandwich is remembered for having been 
the first to put a layer of meat between two slices of bread— 
in order to stay long at the gambling table without starving. 


Awake, my Fanny, leave ner things: 
This morn shall prove what rapture swiving brings! 
Let us (since life can little more supply 

Than just a few good fucks, and then we die) 
Expatiate free o'er that loved scene of man, 

A mighty mare, for mighty pricks to scan; 

А wild, where Paphian thorns promiscuous shoot, 
Where flowers the Monthly Rose but yields no Fruit, 
Together let us beat this ample field, 

Try what the open, what the covert yield; 

The latent tracts, the pleasing depths explore, 

And my prick clapp'd where thousands were before. 
Observe how Nature works, and if it rise 

Тоо quick and rapid, check it ere it fli 
Spend when we must, but keep it while we cun; 
Thus godlike will be deem'd the ways of ma 


П me: 


Say, first of woman's latent charms below, 
What can we reason but from what we know? 
A face, a neck, a breast are all appear 

From which to reason. or to which refer. 

In every part we heavenly beauty own. 

But we can trace it only in what's shewn. 

He who the hoop's immensity can pierce, 

Dart thro’ the whalebone [0105 vast universe, 
Observe how circle into circle runs, 

What courts the eye, and what all vision shuns, 
All the wild modes of dress our [emales wear, 
May guess what makes them thus transfornv‘d a 
But of their cunts the bearings and the ties, 
The nice connections, strong dependencies, 
"Ehe latitude and longitude of cach 

Hast thou gone through, or can thy Pego reach? 
Was that great Ocean, that unsounded Se: 
Where pricks like Whales may sport, fathom'd by thee? 


ppear. 


Presumptuous Prick! the rcason wouldst thou find 
Why form'd so weak. so little and so blind? 

First, if thou canst, the harder reason guess 

Why form'd no weaker, meaner and no less. 

Ask of thy mother's cunt why she was made 

Ot lesser bore thin cow or hackney d jade. 

Or ask thy rawboned Scottish Father's Tarse 

Why larger he than Stallion or jackass. 

When frogs would couple, labor'd on with pain, 


Ribald Classic 


BRAD HOLLAND. 


A thousand wriggles scarce their purpose gai 
In Man a dozen can hisend produce. 

And drench the female with spermatic juic 
Yet not our pleasure seems God's end alone, 
Oft when wespend we propagate unknown 
Unwilling we may reach some other goal, 
And sylphs and gnomes may luck in woman's hole. 
When the proud Stallion knows whence every vein 
Now throbs with lust, and now is shrunk again; 

The lusty Bull, why now he breaks the clod, 

Now wears a garland, fair Europa's god: 

Then shall Man’s pride and Pego comprehend 

His actions and erections, use and end. 

Then say not Man's imperfect. Heaven in fault, 

Say rather, Man’sas perfect as he ought: 

His Pego measured to the female Case, 

Betwixt a woman's thighs his proper place; 

And if to fuck in a proportion d sphere, 

What matter how it is, or when, or where? 


Heaven from all creatures hides the Book of Tate, 
АП but the page prescribed, the present state, 

From boys what girls, from girls what women know, 
Or what could suffer being here below? 

‘Thy lust the Vi 
Had she thy x would she skip and play? 

Pleased по the last, she likes the luscious food, 

And grasps the prick just raised to shed her blood. 

Oh! Blindness to the Future, kindly given, 

That each may enjoy what fucks are mark'd by Heaven. 
Who sees with equal Eye, as God of all, 

‘The Man just mounting, and the Virgin's fall; 

Prick, cunt and bollocks in convulsions hurl'd, 

And now a Hymen burst, and now a world. 
Hope humbly. then, clean girls; nor vainly so: 
But fuck the cunt at hand, and God adore. 
What future fucks He gives not thee to know, 
But gives that Cunt to be thy blessing now. 


dooms to blecd toda 


Y 


137 


article 
ZAST SEPTEM 
called unch oj 
TQUE he me. 
is 


138 


> the Presiden 


Conomists 
he 


ILLUSTRATION BY OAVE GAAOT 


Someone who picked Cotton in the 
thirties and 


reads the daily headlines, 
Sweats bullets ang wonders why 
they ever called 2 the “great” depression 


article By. LARRY L KING I 


your reaction to alll this woolly depression t 

1 might if I knew your a €). but here's one ole boy it 
scares. Not mildly worries, mind you, or causes 
sional fretful tic, but simply disorders 
his innards. Ther € millions of us, 
or over Y recall the ес 


а high percent 
other depression more than we 
tacks, cancer, hardened 
for us by the 


perverse iny 


ап occa- 


us mind and 
in our mid-40s 
onomic bust of 
age of us fear an. 
Уоту about hear 


arteries or like aww: 
actuarial ch; 


» Who vivid). 
Hoover's time, And 


at- 
ards planned 


y own chil- 
ntening nightmare. 
Mounting depression tal ly has i fluenced my 
daily we feverishly hoping to gain 
а nest egg aga d 
begun dogg 


awaits, and have 
turnin, 


Е off surplus 
Aper cuts of m 


big. 


tions. It do, n't 


Iam kickin 
spendthrift oy 


milk 


spected new pr 
seem so laughable 


ушоге, 


8 myself, too, for h 

er the past ten years. Oh, yes, I have been 
areal butter-ind.egg man, hitting all the Whiskey and 
trombone towns, buying drinks for the crowd and urg. 
ing the Bg 


ood times to roll from New Orleans to Nan- 
tucket; it is a disease afflicting a certain stripe of m 


aving been such a 


an 


138 


PLAYBOY 


who once didn't have a pit to poss in, a 
reckless dispensation of resources a 
as if one fears that the banks might 
in. In a manic five-month spree 
1972, 1 divested more than $12,000 on 
purely hedonistic pursuits—money above 
my true requirements or real obligatio 
funny money just bumed and whoopeed 
away—and now, monitoring the gloomy 
economic forecasts, І think of how many 
chickens and moo cows it might have 
bought 

But where John Henry had the fore- 
sight to retreat to the earth's basic places 
and things, I did not. More than a year 
ago, deep in the Watergate dumps, 1 
promised myself to move from. Washing- 
хопа dreary ruin of marble monu. 
ments, rhinestone dreams and brassy 
political interlopers. where for 20 years 1 
had felt much the transient and grew no 
10015—10 more commodious Manhattan 
qu Despite gathering misgivings 
and a plunging stock market, I accom- 
deed about three months 
time to witness the coll: 
Bank. a branch 
of which reposes around the corner from 
my new digs; although. its 
played down in the  press—publishers 
being businessmen first and sponsors of 
artists and prophets later—it. represented 
the largest single bank failure in Ameri- 
can history, It was not the best possible 
welcome to the neighborhood. 

I love it here—the apartment, the new 
gear and accouterments, those surging ex 
dremenis of die Big Apple so long merely 
pled by a visiting country boy hoping 
to throw his money away-— but 1 am newly 
terrified at assuming the permanent cost 
of the place. My rent has doubled and 
the taxicabs ате metered. One encounter 
formerly prosperous exstockbrokers in 
the bars, searching the want ads and nurs- 
ing their midday drinks. Construction 
men can't find work, in a city perpetually 
building. and sit over their beers with 
haunted eyes and many ions of 
their forme: о, Dick Nixon, 
lips. I think more on the $7000 
required to keep a tee: poard- 
ing school. of older firm 
or creas. 
ingly require monetary attentions, of taxes 
and business expenses and of my own 
loose excesses. 

Most of all, 1 think how unfriendly 
were the nation's Gothams to their hope- 
less millions in that earlier dark penniless 
time. 1 conjure up visions from old books 
and ancient newsreels of the special mis 
cries of the cities: their bread lines, soup 
Kitchens, corner apple salesmen, park- 
bench sleepers, grim gray men in endless 
ranks profitlessly seeking work, and their 
dismal “Hooverville” settlements of card- 
board, fruit crates, tin and tenis, These 
had it rougher, I know, than those of us 
relatively fortunate enough 10 hunker 
down in the hinterlands, where we might 


ters. 


140 grow a few vegetables and produce our 


own eggs, with a little creek fishing on the 
le; there are damn few squirrels or rab- 
is to be bagged for the family stewpot on 
ks of New York. So I sit he: 
within spitting range of Park Avenue, 
luxury spoiled and more prosperous than 
yesteryear might have believed, wonde 
g what in God's good name I am doing 
taking for neighbors those Wall Street 
bastards my father railed and warned 
against in the long ago. 

There are brave words these days from 
President Model T Ford and his White 
House advisors that no new depression 
will be tolerated; apparently, Mr. Hard 
Times is to be run out of town like a rag 
ged hobo. These jawbonings afford small 
comfort to one who remembers the opti- 


mistic rhetoric and arrogant expl 
tions of the Gr Depression. President 
Hoover: Prosperity is just around the 
corner The worst will be over in 60 
days... Many people left their jobs for 


the more profitable one of selling ap- 
ples (11) Calvin Coolidge: When more 
and more people are thrown out of work 
unemployment results. J. P. Morgan: The 

market will fluctuate. Jackson 
olds, president of the First National 
Bank of New York: Ninety-nine out of а 
hundred persons haven't good sense. John 
D. Rockeleller: Believing that funda- 
mental conditions . . . are sound . , . my 
son and I have for some days been pur- 
chasing sound common stocks. Thomas 
W. Lamont of J. P. Morgan К Сог Jt is 
the consensus of financiers that many of 
the quotations on the stock exchange do 
not fairly represent the situation. 

Weil. thanks a heap, old fellows; and 
thanks, too, to all publications from For- 
tune to Reader's Digest for their cheery 
reports of 1929-1932 even as our belt 
buckles grew closer to our backbones and 
grass grew in the streets, And a special 
thanks to all you determined jawboners of 
the present moment—you wearers of wis 
buttons—who have succeeded to the pep 
squad. But, damn it, I still think I ought 
to be back home, wading cows with John 
Henry Faulk and caning prickly-pear 
preserves. 

Not that I understand any more of eco- 
nomics than the tapes show that Nixon 
knew of the Italian lira or the British 
pound sterling. But I know this much 
Inflation’s galloping like Whirlaway in 
the stretch; Wall Street's on its skidding 
is like a Bowery bum (its periodic up 
ward lurchings fail to soothe); unemploy 
ment grows; banks fear that increasing 
defaults of loans may jeopardize them 
and, indeed, Washington has nervous с; 


es 


on 152 banks right now; our interna- 
tional balance of payments is out of 
whack; interest rates are impossible and 


no mortgage money remains; the Ford 
Foundation, in threatening to cut its rec 
ord phil . hin of folding: 
"The Ford Administration speaks of fewer 
dollars for revenue sharing to hard-pressed 
state governments and their subsidi: 


тз 


nger thr 
chastising the Ax 
ions are in conditions of fam- 
shortages of ready 
nd viral materi 

even Nelson Rockefeller disclaims having 
billion dollars, and such is official creep- 
that a delegation of Congressmen 
recently went counting to Fort Knox to 
ke sure it does. And—harbinger of har- 
gers among those of us who've grown 
d fat—expense-account lunches are 

s hard ro come by as forme 
ihusiasts. Somehow, it seems I've 
way before. 

When 1 am required to write an autc 
biographical sketch, it invariably begins, 
“L was born on the first day of the first 
x of the Great Depression —1929." Му 
subconscious imagines the Fates, wearin; 
black ind hideous grins, as they 
danced jigs and gleefully slapped their 
hered thighs in celebration of the 
tough surprises they had prepared for 
by King. My father was then a pros 
pering blacksmith and had just built one 
of the finer houses in Putnam, ‘Texas. 1 
would mewl and gurgle in it little more 
than a year before the local oil boom 
would go bust and fly-by-night оре 
would escape, owing the village black- 
smith more than 10,000 hard-money dol 
lars. The Great Depression soon would 
show itself. My father lost everything; 
though he would live another 40 years, he 
never recovered. The King family, like 
Steinbeck’s wretched Joads, took to the 
road in search of that clusive prosperity 
Hoover insisted was just around the 
corner. 

My first memories are of 1 
mers converted 


ine 


soft 


pes 


"g 
ye while my par 
nd older siblings went off to pick 
on e mes they found 
somebody to sta! nd sometimes 
they stationed me under a tree with an 
old collic dog to stand guard. The new 
Model T my father had paid cash for. 
before the crash, pulled by mules from 
cotton. field to cotton field: gasoline was 
purchased only when it became necessary 
то find new work in distant places. We 
icly retreated to my father’s old 
home place, where he had gone with his 
g family in 1894: its fields long had 
llow, so that older members of th 
family had to grub stumps and battle 
Johnson grass before being able to plant 
There soon was a baking drought and a 
grasshopper plague. 1 don't know if 
you've ever seen thousands or millions of 
grasshoppers assault a cornfield, а р 
Id or vegetable gardens. First they cl 
down the main plants, not only strippi 
the stalk 
no the ground after 
the root e gone, it looks 
if the field had been bombed ov burned. 
Even when one had a bountiful harvest, 

(continued on page 178) 


со! 


с blades or leaves but cating 


for the person who has everything— 
including a case of the hots 


"Our baby!” 


141 


“I don't know what you're grumbling about, 
lady—it is in а plain wrapper!” 


“If you don't mind me saying so, ma'am— 
you look like the sort of lady to whom 
1 can confide one or two other functions 
of this amazingly versatile machine. . .."" 


“Esmond! I swear you've trying to ruin “Changing batteries at two in the morning 
a very beautiful relationship!" sure ain't my idea of an emergency, lady!” 


“Lady! For heaven's sake!" 143 


"Whose damn Patent Reciprocating Adjustable. 
Love Cushion is it, anyway?” 


“Zelda! Either fix that thing or save your "Are you feeling as hilariously horny 
foreplay till after the big fight!” às Lam, Miss Cheeseman?” 


144 


"That's funny—it don't look Jewish.” “You two got nothin! better to do?" 


“Mother sure was right when she told me 
1 couldn't go wrong with that nice girl next door!” 


145 


PLAYBOY 


346 keys on С 


THE JAIL (continued from page 126) 


spoiled eges was in the room. The floor 
was a little wet. A black-and-white cat was 
leep on the sofa Henry had made for 
himself by welding legs onto a truck scat 
taken from a wreck. 

Jerome Luben,” 1 said. “TI 
thing to you? 
He froze, egg in hand, just that quick. 
Jerome Luben,” 1 said 

He dropped the egg and it broke on 
the wet concrete between his black, down- 
athecl shoes. 

Is he dead?" I asked. 

Henry reach о the tank for anot! 
er egg, got one, and then cut off the vi 
brator. He wiped the egg carefully on the 
corner of his apron. Flies were worrying 
pout the floor, lighting at the edges of 
the egg he had dropped. 

“Naw, sah. he ain't dead. Leastwz 
in't dead this morning.” 

This morning? You saw S. Jerome 
Luben this morning?” 

Yes. sah. He looked OK to me.” In- 
stead of. looking at me, he looked at the 
egg in his hand and pushed with his 
thumbnail at what might have been a 
speck on its white, curving surface. "How 
come you to know about him, sah: 

1 just saw his car. 
itle red automobile.” 

Did you knock the wall loose?” 

“I prised some of the boards loose. It 
wouldn't go in if 1 didn't prise some 
boards off. But now I nailed ‘em back. 

“Nine years ago. 

"Something lack that,” he said, still 
examining the egg. "It had to be after 
Christmas, wadn't it" 

How would I know?" I said. 

“It was after Christmas of sixty-five, I 
b'lieve it was," he said. He never looked 
blacker. 1 began to feel something be- 
tween my shoulder blades in the middle 
of my back, а cold sensation. He was so 
utterly still. “Yes, sah. Sixty-five,” he said. 

“What happened? 

He wa g 
was bound to cause trouble. 

“Who—told who?” 

"Your grandmother, Miss 


mean 


ss he 


I tole ‘em it 


uie Bell 


ай. Tole her wouldn't nothing else 
ppy that Christmas if he 
a a jail Jest a teeny 
Iwo cells, he tole her. That's 
all he wanted Santy to bring him and 
what if he went away to—where was it 


“Vietnam.” 

“Nam, that’s it. Wha 
and got kilt and hadn't never had him 
the pleasure of a jail of his own? Hi 
started on her in the summertime i 
weather about like this and she sent to 
Birmingham for the contractor and they 
come and built it and she handed him the 
hristmas Eve. I was standing in 


t if he went there 


the kitchen next to the sink when she 
nded them keys to him and made 
п promise he wouldn't abuse his priv- 
ilege and wouldn't make no trouble 
id wouldn't tell nobody local from 
round here anything about it. She tole 
me I'd have to feed anybody he locked 
ир and keep the jail swept and mopped 

ud cleaned. good. She wadn't going to 
endure with no dirty jail, she said. So I 
promised and Sheriff, he promised, too." 

Isat down on the sofa, The cat raised 
her head and gave me a green stare. Then, 
dosing her eyes again, she laid her head 

ack down. I heard the vibrator come on 
S. Jerome Luben,” I said. "Is he in 


when I carried 


Where the hell is this jail?” 

I no sooner asked than something 
dawned on me. It was like looking at the 
flat surface of a pool. You can look ever 
so long at the surface and you will see 
only the reflection of the sky and the 
trees, but then, sometimes very suddenly, 
you'll see below it—you'll see a fish or a 
turtle. 

It had to be the poison house. We 
bought farm poisons in such quantities, 

П the new poisons and defoliants, the 
sprays and powders for controlli 
thing from the boll weevil to the 
butterfly, plus all the weed killers. I re- 
called drawing the check to the Birmi 
ham contractor and wondering why 
Grandmother got somebody from Al 
ama instead of a Somerton builder, but 
was Grandmother's money and if she 
ated the poison house set off in a field 
on the backside of nowhere, then it was 
fine with me, because the poisons always 
ve me a headache when I had to be 
around them. I never went to the poison 
house, not I or my father or any white 
mam. It gives you a headache, а poison 
room does. They say the stuff can collect 
in your system and shorten your life. So, 


for nine years, I'd been looking at 
godd: ad never know 
м before wondered 
why Grandmother would put up a rwo- 


story poison house and have a Birming- 
ham contractor build it. Hell, Z could 
have built the thing. Only when you are 
busy as 1 am all the time, with one sea 
son falling on you belore the last one 
over—starting with cabbage and straw- 
berries and rolling right on through corn 
1d soybeans and cotton aud wheat and 
winter pasture and back to cabbage and 
strawberries again—you are so god- 
апей relieved when anybody will take 
even a little something off your back you 
never wonder about it and you get so jo 
ever ask questions. Nine years can 0 


past you like a moth 
never give it a second thought. 
"Henry? 


аһ?” 


"Cut that goddamned thing off and 
come with me.” I stood up, feeling light- 
headed. 

“Cut it off 
You heard me.” 

But I got to grade these eggs” 
Who feeds him his di z 
hz 

Jerome Luben 
He cut off the vibrator, wiped his hands 
ad reached beneath his apron and 
aled out his watch, He looked at it and 
then shucked off the apron and threw it 
onto the wuck-scat sofa before sticking 
the watch back into the pocket of his 
gray work trousers. 

> need you to go." he said. He start- 
nd would have gotten in his truck 
s though to close the matter between us 
once and for all. 1 give him credit. He 
was letting me have my chance to stay 
of it. 

“Get in my truck, Henry. 

He froze again. "You don't have to 
go,” he said. 

"My truck.” 

He gave a sigh and turned then and 
went slowly to my truck and climbed into 
the passenger seat and slammed the door. 
I dimbed in beside him and started the 
engine and felt the air conditioner take 
hold and start to cool me. It was the first 
I knew that 1 was sweating so heavily; it 
was cold sweat and dried beneath my shirt 
1 left me clammy. 

I pulled the arshift down into 
drive and accelerated out through the 
utc, over the stock gap and into the dusty 
single Jane that spun between the pas- 
tures, deep and green on both sides of 
Next came cotton acreage, then a bi 
field with corn st ar down beyond 
it toward the bottoms. and beyond the 
corn the groves of virgin cypress timber 
far down in the flat distance like the far- 

way rim of the world, as though beyond 
that contained edge of green there would 
be nothing else, just blue space and 
stars. West Tennessee gives thar feeling 
nd if you grow up with it, it never 
Jeaves you, It’s big and lonely 
lion miles from nowhere—tha 
ing. 1 turned through the gate 
tires slapped on the iron pipes spanning 
the stock gap and the poison house 
was straight ahead. I pulled around be- 
hind it. Sheriff's car was there, parked 
mrod straight on the neat gravel a 

the side of its white front door was à 
bove the seal the word SHERIF 
1 below the seal in neat 
black lettering: OFFICIAL BUSINESS ONLY. 

The sawed-off shotgun was racked for- 
ward against the dashboard and the two- 
way radio that he always left on was 
king to itself when I opened my door, 
cut the engine and climbed down. 

Henry didn't move. 

I said and slammed my door. 
He opened his door and climbed down. 
"No need you to git mixed into this 


ou 


[9] 
seal and 


©1974 R. J. Reynolds Tobacco Co. 


it wasnt for Winston] 


I wouldnt smoke. 


Taste isn't everything, It’s the only thing. 
‘I smoke for pleasure. That's spelled T-A-S-T-E. 

That means Winston. Winston won't give you.a new image. 
All Winston will ever give me is taste. 
Attaste that's very real. If a cigarette isn’treal, 
it isn’t anything, Winston is for real. 


The Surgeon General Has Determined 
| That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


PLAYBOY 


148 


mess, Mr. Jim 
chance. 

The radio 
something, 
itself, 

“Follow me,” I said and headed for 
the door. It was a pl minum storm 
door and before ] opened it, I saw the 
desk I propped up behind it, 
True Detective or some such 
magazine. His hat was on the costumer in 
the corner. When I went in, grateful be- 
cause the building was air conditioned, 
he didn't stir. Maybe he thinks it’s Henry, 
or maybe he just doesn't care, I told 
myself. 

Henry was behind me. The door clicked 
shut. Sheriff licked his thumb and turned 
a page. His blue gaze passed over me as 
though I didn't exist. He looked almost 
the same as he had looked the day he left 
for the Marines, the same tan, the same 
blond crewcut, the same innocent baby 
face. Then he saw me. The swivel desk 
chair creaked and he came forward until 
his elbows were on the desk. Then I 
smelled it. Henry had gone by me now 
into what I saw was а kitchen adjoining 
the office. I smelled rancid food and un- 
washed despair and tired mattresses 
stale Cigarettes—I smelled the s 
every jail in the South, from Mi 
Corinth, from Memphis ro Bil 
Charleston to Birmingham I 
them all and every little town between. 
Finally, it is the smell of human fear, the 
scent of the caged human 
years of that, one y 
the last, palpable as dust. 

"Nice place," I said. 

Sheriff looked at me, not sure yet what 
1 knew. Give him credit, he's cool, 1 
thought: my blood, my kin, my flesh, And 
Thad as much hand in spoiling him rotten 
as anybody. Maybe that’s what they teach 
you at the University of Mississippi, 
where I played and raised hell for four 
years before the Army got me. They teach 
you how to come home and continue to 
spoil the little brother in the family by 
letting him do what he damn well pleases. 
Every family needs one at least with no 
responsibility at all to burden him. Here 

ours, 
“You never seen it before?” Sheriff said. 
He hollered at Henry: "What you doing 


g me another 


er muttered 
asked something, answered 


to 


smelled 


scramblin his 
eggs.” Henry tum nd stood in the 
Kitchen door, holding a pickle jar. I 
could see the yolks and the whites. So 
they fed him cracked eggs, the same as any 
other prisoner in Sligo County. Henry 
stood patiently. He was looking down at 
the jar. In the opposite hand hc held 
the lid. 

5 

“His—upst 
look up and 
below surf 
"What the hell you talking about? 
id Sherilf. 


* whose dinner?" Sheri 
1 Henry. He didn't 
low, a sunken, 


said. 


"He knows," Henry said in the same 
sunken voice. 

1 found the car," I said. 

“Oh,” said Sherill. 


“The red car and a driver's license 


nd 


. now you know about him," 
Sheril said. "Figured you or Dad, one 
was bound to come to the poison house 
someday. I'd say it was my office and you'd. 
go away and not worry, How come you to 
find the car, Jim? 

“Just unlucky. A Do-Right wants some 
old tools and machinery" 

“I told Henry I'd bust his ass if he ever 
let it out. Didn't I tell you I'd bust your 
Henry?” 
yes, sah 


Want me to feed him? It's 


time. 
“Goddamn it," Sheriff. 


soddamn 


е one question," Т said. 
1 heard eggs hit the hot skillet 

Shoot." 

"Why would you lock а m 
keep him locked up nine years? 

You Why would I keep 
him so long? It’s a fair question, I never 
intended to leave him in here longer than 
just overnight to teach him а lesson. He 
passed through Pinoak that night doing 
ety. 1 risked my life and never 
until the son of a bitch was 
lights and siren and. 

g my car a fit. Goddamn him. He 

could have been the death of us both. 
He looked at me with that blue 
re of innocence and passed his fingers 
over the crown of his close-ropped hai 
nd he swore at me. 
о you locked him up for nine years. 
You buried him alive because he cussed 
you and he was from New York. Do you 
know how long they'll keep you in prison 
for this? Did it ever dawn on you 

“I know all about it,” he said. 

"God help u id. "God help us— 
Henry's in it. Fm in it!" 

"Look—go upstairs and talk to him. 
Please? Go up and let Jerome explain 
how it He understands it 
and” He stopped talking and stood 
up and took some keys off his belt and 
went to the steel security door and un- 
locked and opened it. I climbed the con- 
crete stairs with Sheriff behind me 

There was a hallway at the top with a 
cell on either side of it and two windows 
anda toilet and lavatory in cach cell. The 
cell on the ad book 
shelves on every wall to the ceiling. The 
cell on the left was closed. I saw the 
a slender, 1 
wearing blue jeans and lo 
‘Tshirt. He was cl 
was cropped close to 
work 


up and 


mean Jerome 


above n 


caught h 


ight was open and 


head like Sher 
typewriter 


and he м 


book lay open beside him on the desk. 
“What's for lunch?” he said. Then he 
saw me and pushed his chair back, On 


the rug that used to be 
a pattern of 


the cell floor lay 
in my grandmother's рано 
roses. "Who's this, Sheri 

"Ics Jim.” 

"What a surprise, I'm Jerome Luben: 
He came to the cell door. swung it open 
and put out his hand to me. We shook 
hands, "So what brings you here? 

“He found your car,” said Sheriff. 
Henry told him.” 

“You just now found out? Told any- 
body?” He was handsome in а Jewish 
and looked none the worse for we 
There was premature gray at his temples, 
just a touch. 

Not yet I haven't told anybody," I 


And 


wa 


Luben looked at Sheriff. "Why don't 
you leave us alone for a few minutes? 
Tell Henry to hold my lunch. Need to ex 
plain things to Jim, don't 12” 

Sheriff nodded and turned and went 
back down the stairs. I heard the security 
door clank shui 

“We can sit in here, if you said 
Luben, leading the way into the cell on 
the right. “My library,” he said. 

I recognized two of Grandmother's 
parlor chairs and one of her floor lamps 


t be upset Because what hap- 
pened couldn't happen again in a thou- 
ada million- years. I'm not angry, 
you see that, don't you? 

“Yes?” 1 said. “But what the hell hap- 
pened? This is the ruination of my fam. 
ily—the end." 

Its not the end. Listen to me. It's 
back in 1963 esh out of Columbia 
Law School. I'm driving like a bat out of 
hell, with no respect for anything—ask 
ing for it. I've got long hair and a beard 
and I'm smoking grass and everybody who 
thinks the war in Vietnam is right is a 
pissant in my book, shit beneath my feet. 
Get the picture? I'm bigger and richer 
and smarter than the world, the entire 
fucking—pardon me—world. I know 
Southerners do not use those words.” 

"Nor often, no,” I said. 

“So your brother stops me. Polite? A 
complete gentleman. 1 tell him to cat 
shit. 1 hit him, I spit on him. I'm beggi 
him to lock me up so I can be some kind 
of goddamned martyr and get. my ass in 
jail and шу name in the papers and on 
television and go home to New York 
be a fucking hero. Now, understand, my 
father has washed his hands of me three 
years санісг and put my moncy in a trust 
that keeps my checking account over 
flowing. I mean, he's rich and my mother 
was rich and she's dead and I've told him 
what a capitalist pig he is and he hopes to 


God he will never see me again. I'm 
scorching the highway in the backward. 
backwoods, medieval South, and who 


stops me? Your brothe 
"Lord have mercy," I whisp 
"He brings me here. He. 


red. 
nd Henry 


“You know, you're really not all that abominable.” 


PLAYBOY 


have to carry me bodily. I'm not coop- 
ating, Then I blew it all to hell.” 

"How?" 

“I demanded my phone call.” 

“Phone ca 

“Phone call. My lousy phone call. And 
Sheriff had to tell me there isn’t a phone 
Isaid what kind of fucking jail was it with 
no phone? I said did he realize what was 
going to happen to him if I didn't 
get my phone call? Did he know that he 
had arrested a lawyer—a member of the 
New York bar, an officer of the court, a 
graduate of Columbia and much else? 
Did he know how fucking rich I was? Be- 
cause I was going to make a carcer out of 
him. I had nothing else to do. I was going 
to make him and Henry and anybody else 
responsible for building a jail and lea 
a phone out of it suffer until they'd 
they had never been born! Oy: 

I began to see. I began to see it all. He 
went on. He was smiling now, that was 
the wonder of it: 
nd he finally had to tell me that his 
grandmother had built the jail and he 
wasn't really a sheriff, not even a deputy. 
I had rolled a joint and was blowing 
smoke at him and getting high and 1 told 
him as soon as he let me out, I'd sce his 
grandmother in prison, and himself, and 
poor old black-ass Henry. And that did it. 
He was due to go to the Marincs. He had 
already enlisted. He went away and left 
Henry to feed me.” 


I didn't want to let myself think what 
І was thinking. In the chambers of my 
mind's memory, I saw the red Jaguar in 
the mule barn. 1 heard the door chunk 
shut; I felt all the finality of our family's 
situation. Coming down to it, I saw that 
it was me or S. Jerome Luben. 

Luben was saying, “I’m sure Sheriff will 
keep his мога. in which event ГЇЇ be free 
next October. Not that I will leave.” He 
frowned. “I find this hard to believe. 1 
therefore know how difficult it may be 
for you to believe.” 

“Believe what, Mr. Luben?" 

“That I'm finally rehabilitated. That 
I love the United States of America, that 
I'd go to war for my country if asked to 
serve. T I'd even volunteer. Inward 
things—I’m clean, I'm thinking straight. 
He'll unlock the door in October, you'll 
see.” 

I knew I'd have to kill him. I felt my 
heart stagger. He must have seen a change 
in my face. He looked at me quietly. 

“After you're free, what will you de 
I asked. We'd bury him and the automo- 
bile. The casiest way would be to poison 
him, to let him die quietly in his sleep. 
and just as he had been carried into 
Sheriffs prison—unresisting but not co- 


operating—so would he be carried out 
of it and put deep in the ground. It was 
the only way. 


Luben smiled. “Are you ready for this? 
I like your brother.” 


My look must have asked him who he 
was trying to bullshit, because he drew a 
breath, smiled again and went on talking. 
All the pressures of New York and the 
world outside and his troubles with his 
father and the other members of his fam- 
ily, the drug scene, the antiwar movement, 
the hippie underground, he was saying, 
all that passed away once he was locked 
up here, apparently for life, “АЙ that 
shit, all those pressures were suddenly 
gone. I say suddenly like it happened 
overnight, when, of course, it did 
maybe four years getting anywhere 
h myself, trying to bribe Henry to let. 
me escape, screaming at night. Then I 
decided to cut my hair and get rid of the 
beard. Sheriff had already told me I could 
have anything I wanted within reason, as 
long as T bought it with my own money. 
These books, this library, the typewriter— 
I've got nearly every worthwhile book 
there is on penology. What started as a 
lot of shouting back and forth between 
Sheriff and me became long, leisurely con- 
versations. He taught me how to play 
dominoes. I used to enter chess tourna- 
ments in my other life. Sheriff taught me 
dominoes—a simple game but really full 
of genuine American integrity. When I 
got tired of dominoes, he went home and 
got his Monopoly set. It was his kindness 
and his honesty and, at some point, it 
came to me that I liked him. T saw at last 
that there had been no forfeiture of 


eep wrote the book on 4-wheel drive. 


, Sa 
جس‎ 


We pioneered 4-wheel drive over 30 years 
ago and we've been making improvements ever 
since. Jeep was first with automatic-transmis- 
sion in a 4-wheel drive vehicle, the first 4-wheel 


drive maker to offer a really com- 
plete line of vehicles—one for 
every need. 

And recently Jeep became the 


150 first American manufacturer to 


УЕ Jeep 


From a Subsidiary of 
American Motors Corporation 


offer automatic 4-wheel drive, Quadra-Trac,™ 
the 4-wheel drive system that's caused such a 
stir in the 4-wheeler's world. 

We are happy to compare our heritage, our 


know-how and our vehicles with 
any other manufacturer's. We do 
it in this book. Before you decide 
on a 4-wheel drive vehicle, readit. 
The facts are yours for the asking. 


ity on his part. You follow me?" 
"m not sure,” I said. 

“All I’m saying is that I did wrong. He 
arrested me and when I threatened him 
like I did, in effect 1 locked the door on 
myself. Now, after ten years, almost, you 

ce the result. You see what I've become 
Which is what?" I asked. I got the 
feeling you have when a salesman goes 
too fast and gets close to selling you a bill 
of goods. In a desperate way, I wanted to 
believe there wouldn't be any need to kill 
him. The thing about him was that he 
was so goddamned nice and likable and, 
what's more, his voice and his accent re- 
minded me of Sheriff's voice, just a touch, 
or maybe an echo, but it got to me where 
I lived. Yet I knew it couldn't be possible 
that he was really one of us. He was a 
New York Jew and a lawyer and he had 
to hate us. He was dangerous as a rattle- 
snake. “What arc you now?" I asked. 

“A model prisoner, а rehabilitated man. 
This is a copy of an essay for The Ameri- 
can Journal of Penology," he said, open- 
ing the top drawer of а little olive green 
filing cabinet. “Wrote it in my spare 
time.” he said, laughing a quiet litle 
laugh at his own joke. 

I looked at the title page. "Some Prob- 
lems of Local Authorities in Administer- 
ing Small.Community Jails and Lockups" 
and, under it, “By Solomon Jerome Lu- 
ben, B.A., LL.B.” “Well, nice, real nice,” 
І said. My hand was trembling. 

“That’s nothing. Take a look at these.” 


you can have it, free 


And he grabbed a long tube of rolled-up 
papers from the top of the nearest book- 
shelf and started unrolling it on the li- 
brary table. 

Seeing the back of his neck, I thought 
maybe it would be better just to shoot him 
when he wasn't looking. If I knew Henry 
and Sheriff, they'd leave that part up 
to me. 

"Don't you want to see this?" he asked. 

“АП right." And I moved in beside 
him and looked. 

"Front elevation," he said. "Innovative 
design, eh? Wait till you see the modern. 
features!" 

All I saw was a long building. 

“I'm financing the whole thing, We 
break ground in October, when I walk 
out of here, The end of the medieval 
monstrosity that has been the bane of 
every small community in the South.” He 
peeled the top shect aside. "Of course, 
there'll be а wall. Now, this is your floor 
plan, your maximum-security block. Din- 
ing hall is here. Exercise yard. Library, of 
course. Kitchen. Sheriff and I have been 
two years planning this little jewel. 
Like it?” 

I stood dumfounded. Again he said his 
fortune was sufficient to see the place 
built and maintained. He, S. Jerome 
Luben, would be the administrator. 
Sheriff would provide the prisoners, of 
course, Henry might need help in the 
kitchen, with so many additional mouths 
to feed. "We'll have to cross that bridge 


when we get to it." A dreamy look came 
into his eyes. Small-town mayors and city 
officials would be brought here, in grcat- 
est secrecy, of course, he said. It was his 
plan to see what he called “Sheriff's great 
idea” applied all over the South, for 
openers. “Ultimately, of course, it will 
sweep the globe. Once they see how it 
cuts all the red tape. No criminal law- 
yers getting some bastard, some baby 
raper, some fiend out just because his 
confession got the case thrown out of 
|, no court. Just the jail to 
all jails, with an indeterminate sen- 
tence for everybody. No mail, no phone 
calls, Just. . . ." And he snapped his 
fingers. 

“Where would you plan to build 
I asked. 

“Why, here, right here! Can you ima; 
inc a better location for the first one: 
He pceled the next sheet away. “These 
are below ground—solitary confinement 
cells, soundproof, totally dark. I tell you, 
Jim, when Sheriff and I get through with 
this thing, it's really going to be some- 
thing! Oy?” 

I couldn't think what to say. I couldn't. 
think, period. 

“What a plan, what a beautiful fucking 
plan,” Jerome Luben was whispering. 

The steel door opened and clanged 
below. Footsteps on the stairs; it was 
Henry—bringing the eggs. 


ns a алай 1 

Jeep invites youto | 

compare ours with theirs. l 

For your free copy, see your local Jeep dealer or writ 1 

| Jeep Corporation—Dept. B, 14250 Plymouth Rd., Detroit, 

| Michigan 48232. Р | 

I I 

1 - || 

| MANE 1 

229 =! 

I 7 l 
L 


PLAYBOY 


182 


physicists did that sort of thing, you'd 
soon stop reading articles оп physics, too, 

The whole thing would be funny if it 
weren't so serious. These people are not 
just arguing an abstract point in math 
matics; their discussions are going to get 
translated into policy. These questions. 
volve taxing and spending, the buying 
power of your dollar, the future of invest- 
ment programs, the value of your savings 
rights, the auractiveness of 
oving to some fon 
of buying а house. It’s not just a 
duch of doubledomes dancing in the 
footnotes. Those guys with the horn-rims 
are wrecking your economy and your 
chances for survival within it Their 
problems. their confusions, their errors ai 
either going to be corrected or you're 
going to pay for them 

OK, but doesn't President. Ford have a 
h a name like Whip Inflation 


ign country, the wis 


Yes. and it’s about as relevant as а pro- 
gram to Whip Gravity Now. For instance, 
one of Ford's cures for snakebite is 10 
"Learn how to use credit wisely. Postpone 
necessary borrowing. Wait for interest 
мез to come down, as they will" But 
this is saying that newly created. purchas 
ing power (a bank loan) is a cause of in- 
flation—which it is—and if that’s bad. 
then why doesn't the Federal Reserve 
Board issue regulations to prohibit the 
tem fom making any new 


iking 5 


loans? The Fed has full power to do that. 


But who ever heard of a Government bu- 
reaucracy accepting responsibility for the 
results of its own regulatory decisions? 
And interest rates will. most assuredly not 
come down so easily. They did not rise to 
historic heights because you and I were 
living it up on credit cards. Interest rates 
rise because lenders see further monetary 
inflation ahead, causing further rot in the 
buying power of the currency; they ask a 


“If you don't like my coffee, how do you 
like this, fascist pig?” 


price in terms of the interest rate to com- 
pensate them for the expected loss in buy- 
ing power of the cash they get back when 
the face amount of the loan is paid. If 
Ford thinks interest rates аге coming 
down, then he must think we should be 
buying long-term bonds as а smart spec- 
n. If he were in the investment- 
advisory business, he'd be out of work 
within six months. peddling quack ideas 
like that. 

Professor Ford's next answer to the 
problem of gravity is, "Save as much as 
vou can and watch your money grow, 
which it will." He can't really mean that, 
сап he? Suppose we all put all our money 
into coffee cans. The country would go 
onto a barter economy. We would be un- 
able to function except at a greatly re- 
duced level of economic activity. It is not 
the existence of money that Creates infla- 
tion or rising prices; it is the excessive 
creation of new money—bank loans—and 
this is permitted and even encouraged by 
Governmental policy, not by you and me. 
И you and I create money, its called 
counterfeiting, right? 

Dr. Ford also proposes that we "con- 
serve energy, save on fuel and take the 
pressure off scarce supplies.” Every natu: 
val resource is scarce—that is, someone 
‘form work in order to find it 
е it usable. The way to econo- 
mize is to let the price express the scarcity. 
The most desirable girl in town can ас 
cept only one dinner date per day; her 
time is a scarce resource, А thousand guys 
would like to take her out for a hot dog 
and a root beer. She finds herself, how- 
ever, saying yes to champagne and cha- 
teaubriand. But why did Ford pick on 
petroleum as a supply whose market be- 
havior somehow sed inflation? 
Every item in the market place has а 
price because it is scarce. Ford must. be 
g that the cure for inflation is for 
ll to get along with less and less of 
everything. With one great exception: 
Like every politician, he never proposes 
that we get along with less and les money 
creation. Не owns the counterfeiting 
chine and he intends to keep it runi 
full speed 


has ca 


say 


ng 


The whole thing, | repeat, would be 
funny if it weren't so serious. And the 
whole thing rests on the old and very 
tired ideas made popular by John Ма 
nard Keynes in the Thirties. He held that 
the Government could cure unemploy- 
ment by engaging in monetary inflation 
without harmful side effects. (Inflation 
here means an increase in the money sup- 
ply beyond whatever increase might be 
enough to keep the price level fairly 
constant.) 

Along with this notion of Keynes's went 
the notion that if you inflated the money 
supply to achieve full employment, you 
would automatically have boom times, the 


IF YOU’ VE TRIED TWO, 
YOU HAVEN'T 


TRIED THEM ALL. 


IMPORTEL 
CE | 


А RED DINNER ул 


For years, there was only one Lancers*for you 1M Di FONSECA. | 
to enjoy. Our classic Vin Rosé. са 

"Then came Vinho Branco, the crisp white 
Lancers. 

Now there's one more. A rich, full-bodied 
red wine we call Lancers Rübeo. 

Try new Rübco soon. One glass will tell 
you that our third Lancers is just as good i 
asour first two. 


INTRODUCING LANCERS RUBEO. 


Lancers® Vin Resê, Vinho Branco and Vinha Rübco Dinner Wines ©1974. Heublein Wines International, Hartlord, Conn. 


SMIRNOFF VODKA.80 & 100 PROOF. DISTILLEO FROM GRAIN STE. PIERRE SMIRNOFF FLS. (DIVISION OF HEUBLEIN, INC.) HARTFORO,CONNECTICUT 
м 


(Smirnoff, white creme de cacao, milk) 


This drink is aptly named. ( 
We couldn't discuss it among k 
ourselves without arguing. à 
Otherwise, wed have told you 
about it ages ago. ر‎ 
We agreed on the Smirnoff Wil Г 
We agreed оп ће creme de cacao. That's a problemwe hadn't 
But was a White Elephant faced before. This drinkchas 
made with milk? About that, 2 ozs. of liquor in it and if you 
we couldn't agree. don't notice it at first, you are 
So, we tested the drink both sure to feel it later. So, 
ways. The milk version won. hopefully you'll treat it (and 
hands down. “Delicious, tasters ^ yourself) with respect. 
told us, “Youhardly know To make a White Elephant: 
уоше drinking liquor" Рошг102. Smirnoff, 1 oz. white 
“That’s why we opposed creme de cacao and 102. milk 


putting milk in the drink in the into a short glass with ice. Stir. 
first place!" said the people who e E 

had opposed milk in the first 

place. “It goes down too easy.” leaves you breathless* 


perpetual quasi boom of the Keynesian 
paradiso. Well, we have had 30 or 40 
years of those policies in Washington. 
Let’s look at the record. The unemploy- 
ment rate was 3.9 percent in 1946. The 
money supply was 100 billion dollars. 
Since then, we have printed enough 
counterfeit money—that is, “created new 
purchasing powcr through the banking 
system’ —to treble the money supply. It 


is now almost 300 billion dollar. The 
unemployment rate? Worse than before, 
Around 7 perce ion, far from 


curing unemploy kes it worse in 
the long run 

One element of the situation that de- 
serves close atten y 
of Government budgets. This factor has 
been important in the accuracy of the 
forecasts prepared by orthodox econo- 
mists. In the past eight years, the Federal 
expenditure has doubled, but almost 90 
percent of the increase has come in pro- 
grams thar are uncontrollable. Director 
Roy Ash of the Office of Management 
ind Budget says that uncontrollable items 
account for three quarters of the Federal 
budget. 

What are these items and why are they 
beyond control? Most of them are direct 
handouts to individuals. Once the Con- 
gress has passed a law setting up a system 
of handouts, it finds it politically difficult 
k down. For another thing. before 
set up, there's no 


n is the inflexibi 


going to come around with their 
out. Year after year, the claims keep 
getting bigger and bigger—cl 
the relief programs, Social Security 
icare, retirement plans, payments to d 
abled miners, disaster relief, Railr 
Retirement 
Hence, a new feeling of doom. Not only 
the New Economists but more and more 
American citizens are joining the ortho- 
dox economists in fecling that a mon- 
мег has респ created in Washington, а 
nonster that is growing ever more threat- 
ening, more destructive and more un- 
controllable, For the first time in our 
history, there are respectable numbers of 
people who think the system itself{—Gov- 
is out of control. There is w 
ir. The stock market is 
saying it can't sce beyond tomorrow, so it 
prices a stock such as Exxon at six times 
earnings, down almost 50 percent from 
its high of a couple of years ago. The bond 
markets are saying money isn't going to 


be worth much, so you have to pony up 


ten or twelve percent in order to borrow 
two-year money. The labor market shows 
all the signs of interventionist distortion— 
high, inflexible and rising wage rates for 
those lucky enough to hold jobs, coupled 
with unemployment that also seems to be 
high, inflexible and rising. Corporate 
profits are weakened. Corporate y 
is at an all-time low, Many industries— 


“Look closely, ladies and gentlemen, and tell me if this man 
has the equipment to be a rapist.” 


blic utilities, the steel 
difficult to raise new 
ion. Wall Street is a 
cemetery. The banking industry is in a 
critically frail condition—all loaned up 
longterm and unable to meet payments 
on shortterm debts without luck or 
subsidy. Brokerage houses, banks 


anctals) are being crushed. А man I've 
known since 1955, a Wall Street profes- 
sional, last year lost everything he had— 
simply by owning bluechip stocks in a 
margin account, Mutual funds are down 
40 and 50 percent in net asset value. S. 
ings banks watch as their deposits drift 
away. 

In the midst of this unspeakable chaos, 
we find economists in positions of power 
mouthing the same old formulas from a 
dead dreamer whose solutions have been 
proved to be worse tl 


A. Samuelson, the illustrious economist 
whose textbook taught the nation that 
we have nothing to fear from inflation, 
now says there is no hope of finding any 
feasible policies to offset the problems we 
— problems caused in large part by 
his very own policies. 

There is one man, to be sure, who has 
the answer to the problems caused by in- 
flation. He says we should lick our plates 
dean, give up expensive women, plant 
rhubarb, stay healthy and brag that уе" 


те 
penny pinchers. If he could only perform 


simple arithmetic, he might be brought 
to understand the problem. But he’s over 
the hill. 


Perhaps because the President seems in- 
sanely removed from the realities of the 
problem, like a man chasing butterflies 
in the midst of a volcanic eruption, the 
people are beginning to panic. They ar 
for the first time in 30 у alking about 
a depression, There are prophets of doom 
nning about the land, saying the banks 
will close, the stock market will crash to 
200 on the Dow-Jones index. all prices 
will collapse save those of gold and silvei 
They say mobs will roam the streets, shou 
ing for bread. They advise you to head 
for the hills. Buy a cabin in thc north 
woods! Buy food in ип Learn to 
sew! Put your moncy in an old sock! 
Plant beans! ОЙ up your trusty Ai 
lock! Learn to read books again! Grab 
blonde! Forget reading! Refuse to pay 
taxes! Hole up ti blows over! .. . and 
so on. 

Will there really be a great depression 
once again? Well, the same people who 
have brought you a correct analysis of the 
present situation. (who foresaw it 20 years 
earlier) are now іп a position to issue а 
rather encouraging forecast. There is not 
going to be a great smashing depression. 

If the Government continues its present 
mixture of recklessness and ignorance, we 
ight stagger along for 30 years or more 
before we reach the end of the road. (Eng- 
land has been mismanaged since 1890 at 


153 


PLAYBOY 


least. H will reach the end of the road be- 
Tore 1980. That will have taken 90 years.) 
Vast economies, with world-wide connec- 
tions, created by large and intelligently 
ptable populations, can withstand. in- 
credible quantities of abuse, mismanage- 
ment. taxation, regulation, inflation, 
corruption, neglect. Bur there is always 

n end to such trends. The quest 
will the end come soon? 

No. There has never been a serious de- 


in ds, 


n that was not related to а great 
in the money supply. Under the 
current institutional arrangements. it is 
possible to foresee such a deflation. 
Therefore, we shall not have a great de- 
pression. But this may only mean that 
we'll stumble along for many years of the 
present mindlessness. Long-term rates for 


stock market will follow the course of cor- 


porate profits, sometimes following, some- 
times leading; it won't enter a great new 
upswing, but it may very well finish 1975 
higher than it started. Unemploym 
will remain about the same or get worse. 
Crime will risc, as will the suicide rat 
the insanity rate and oth es of 
ial stress or decay. 
Will а man on horseback ride onto the 
mal scene and capture the people's 
tion with his clean new visage, his 


mcas 


n of 
ppen, but 
there is no fundamental need for the story 
to work out that way. Inflation causes 
higher prices and the misillocation of 
capital, leading to a lower standard of liv- 
ing and a rising emphasis on specul 
It does not necessarily lead to dictator- 
ship. Collapse, despair and misery are the 
secdbed of dictatorships. Or mi 
defeat. 

Muddling along for years to come— 
that's about the outlook, unless we get 
some people into office who know some- 
thing about what they're doing. We need 
new and correct interpr s of the real 
world, and this means we don't need the 
cher type who tells 
us inflation is a sin for which we must 
the penalty. There 
chastisement we must 
tion is simply a deliberate Gove 
policy that happens to be dead wrong. 

Many writers on inflation show a com- 
mendable ability to retrain themselves 
until the very end of their discourse, 


fundamentalist pred 


whereupon they take off into some ethe- 
real region of moral judgment, usu: 


l 
dressed up in the rhetoric of the binge E 
the hangover. I happen to agree that there 
is a moral dimension in the universe that 
our peril, but 1 also happen 
eve that we are paying the price 
right now amd don't have to await the 
Day of Judgment for the wages of infla- 
tionary sins. 

Every time the buy 


power of the 


154 dollar goes down, there is a genuine loss 


of wealth by all those who hold cash, 
cash equivalents, dollar-denominated con- 
tracts, pension rights, fixed-income rights, 
ad so on. They suffer now for the distor- 
tions caused by inflation. Everyone who 
has to put up with shabby goods because 
he can’t afford better is suffering nox 
inflation is the birthplace of shabbiness. 
Everyone who, with naive patriotism, fol- 

Ford's silly advice is suffering now 


to daim that some future generation must 
for the current. inflation. We're all 
ng for it right now. That's why the 
called his economists together to 
study the entrails of the royal bird. The 
peons were growing restless and His Maj- 
esty sought а conciliatory gesture. 

Does anyone enjoy some benefit from 
inflation? There are, of course, vested. 
terests in inflation, They are, mainly, poli- 
ficitns and bureaucrats, but there are 
hundreds of other groups who mistaken- 
ly think they are somehow favored by the 
oings on. Government salaries have risen 
much faster than any other salary group 
in the country. Workers who get their pay 
increase carliest can trade their new money 
for items of value in the market before 
their pay increase has caused the money 
supply to rise and cause a general rise in 
prices. If all prices and wages could rise 
simultaneously and at a uniform rate, no 
one group would ever feel benefited by 
оп. And there are millions upon 
millions of individual patterns and deci- 
sions that have been built on the assump- 
ion of a long contin infla 
acts, pension plans, real-estate 
ations, insurance programs, depreciation 
schedules, tas s... It would be 
bad public policy to upset all of these 
ат ight, in the name of 
n end to upsets. 

But can't something be done—other 
n licking our plates clean? Sure, The 
Government could move very slowly to re- 
тит to а perfectly balanced budget. Tt 
could slowly withdraw from the financial 
markets. It could slowly remove its hobbles 
from the free market. It could return grad- 
ually to a policy of stabilized money sup- 
ply. The proposals are not new. But the 
idea of putting them into effect gradually 
should be yelled day and night at every 
bureaucrat and every legislator in Wash- 
ington—the town where overkill cast is 
followed by overkill west, day alter day, 
ший the population reels in confusion. 

bility, 


Note: Whereas the usual critic of the 
free market complains that it's the law of 
the jungle os to be replaced by 
the rationality and orderliness of Govern- 
ment planning, it is actually the reverse 
that is true: Government planning leads 
to planned chaos, and the invisible system 
of free-market orderliness is the only 
substitute. 


As for personal investment survival in 
the immediate period. there is no magi 
formula, and you should beware of апу. 
one who claims he has the magical secret 
of wealth. Starting in 1970, I have advo- 
cated increasing the proportion of your 
portfolio invested in gold mining shares 
or equivalent by ten percentage points 
for exch year of the decade. This policy 
should continue to provide adequate pro- 
tection during the uncertain period be- 
tween now and the resumption of sane 
policies in Washington. Some time before 
that resumption, the stock market will al- 
ready have correctly forescen the glimme 
ppier times and will have started its 
next ten-year bull market. Consequently, 
it seems wise to prepare for that moment— 
gradually, again—by moving into common 
stocks beforehand. A very aggressively 
managed portfolio right now would be 
50-50 gold (or other precious-metal posi- 
tions) and short term market instruments. 
Starti id looking ahead to the 
eventual return of sane policies in Wash- 
ington, you could move from the money- 
market instruments into common stocks, 
perhaps on a program of ten percent of 

narket value per year. 

What kind of stocks? 

The kind I call Old Man River compa- 
nies—companics that make and sell prod- 
ucts thar have an excellent chance of 
being bought, year in and year out, during 
good times and bad. Companies without 
major labor-union problems. Companies 

ively immune to Government regula- 
rerference. Companies without 
too much debt. Companies with strong 
cash positions. Companies with а long 
record of steady growth through thick and 
thin and a good prospect of extending 
that trend into the next ten or twenty 
years. H you buy stocks in such companies, 
even times current carnings, 
acquiring a cash dividend that amounts to 
ven or eight percent of your purchase 
we putting your money to 

ay that will look pretty wise 


n hindsight. 

I don't mean to minimize the problems 
we face. Bur it is evident that the prob 
lems would seem far worse if there were 
no answers. There certainly are answers. 
good ones. There are theories that ех 
plain the origin of the present difficulties 
and that have correctly anticipated them. 
Thus, the problems, though large, are not 
mysterious or insoluble. It is only a m 
ter of getting the good word from here to 
there—from the minds of the many great 
economists who have stuck to the truth 
into the minds of the officials and the 
spokesmen who have it in their power to 
set the stage for the next great economic 
miracle, H they will ever so gently remove 
their fect from the country's neck, it will 
rie up and star running again very 
nicely. 


mined 


That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous toYour Health. 


ККЕ өрер ыр UT UR CM T 
DOS MUR Me ہیں با‎ BL ole Vols ыг. =ч 
Pon) spas ole ер RH 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Deten 


| 


as D 
Be 
teh 


THINK SILVA THINS 10 


156 


CHARLES W. EUSH 


ROBERT TOWNE the screenplay’s the thing 


AFTER A LONG hiatus, the Hollywood screenwriter’s name has 
meaning again in the movie credits, and Robert Towne, 39. is 
one very good reason why, As the writer of Chinatown, he has 
assured himself an important place in the 1974 Academy Award 
sweepstakes. (Towne got a 1973 Oscar nomination for his 
adaptation of The Last Detail, reworked especially for his old 
friend Jack Nicholson.) Our picture of him may seem strange, 
but it’s apropos; Towne often walks at night in the mountains 
n fact, Chinatown took shape during 
nighttime strolls. A native of Southern California, Towne can 
remember the area as Raymond Chandler described it—lush 
and pastel, the air filled with a sinister kind of excitement— 
and a feel for Chandler's L.A. permeates Chinatown, which 
may eventually have a sequel. Although Towne wrote his first 
story at the age of five, he did some other things—commercial 
fishing and mortgage banking—before settling into screenwrit- 
ig. He put the final polish on Bonnie and Clyde and wrote 
the crucial last scene between Brando and Pacino in The God- 
father, but he is quick to admit that “actors are а screenvriter's 
collaborator; they will, and should, affect the characters." His 
career has not been without conflict. For instance, he won't 
work with director Roman Polanski again—ego problems, he 
says. He removed his name from the credits of The New Cen- 
turions after viewing the first 20 minutes of the finished film; 
it made him dizzy. Recognition has changed his life very little, 
although he says, “It's easier to avoid getting down to work 
now.” His newest film, Shampoo, written with Warren Beatty 
(who is also one of its stars), opens this month. Currently, 
Towne is adapting portions of the original Tarzan novel into 
something more akin to his own concerns about the natural 
world and its possible destruction. “И I ever made millions, I'd 
do something eccenuic—like trying to save an endangered spe- 
cics from extinction.” Why not? He's done it with scrcenwri 


EDWARD HANNA heat wave in utica 


nLUEDLOODS, the fakers and the big shots have been dr 
ng this lousy town for too long,” charges Edward Hanna, the 
feisty 51-year-old mayor of Utica, New York, whose "people's 
government” has been outraging the establishment there since 
his election 16 months ago. “They're all in bed together—the 
banks, who don’t give a damn, the lousy monopoly newspaper 
and the Chamber of No Commerce." Hanna claims that Utica 
(Population 91.000) has been struggling under the hi 
taxes and the worst unemployment rate of any 
ting the situation, he decided: "It was 
ive town or run for mayor.” He ran as an independent 
and, in a four-way race, won 40 percent of the vote. 
utes of taking office, Mayor Hanna ordered the 
demolition of five and a half acres of dilapidated downtown 
buildings to make way for shops, parks, a Holiday Inn and 
Utici's own version of Rome's Spanish Steps. Subsequently, 
he has cut the city’s payroll. lowered taxes and managed to 
put the budget in the black. Hanna, whose parents immigrated 
to this country from Lebanon, owns a rope factory and two 
photo-equipment businesses and, until recently, accepted “only 
a lousy dollar а year" of the mayor's $20,000 annual budgeted 
salary (the law said he had to take it all). He has to be restrained 
from writing out personal checks for hard-luck cases when 
there are no municipal funds available. No nine-to-fiver. 
he spends 16 hours a day in his office, dubbed “the town's 
living room," where citizens wait to talk with "Hizzoner" per- 
sonally about everything from real-estate deals to barking dogs, 
and ıo listen to him roar invective at the city council, the 
League of Women Voters and others who oppose him. His 
critics say he is tactless (he agrees), that his diatribes are doing 
Utica more harm than good, that he suffers from egomania 
and won't delegate authority. Undaunted, Hanna counters all 
that with, “I have everybody here against me—but the peopl 


the country. Evalu 
either 1 


JOSE SILVA betting on alpha 


ack in 1944, a 30-year-old electronics engineer named 
Jose Si set forth through the strects of Laredo—for his in- 
duction center. Now getting drafted is certainly an unlikely be- 
ing for our story. But he wasso intrigued by the psychiatric 
quiz he got that day that he went to the library and started 
reading up on psychology. Then on hypnosis. Then on br 
waves. He was delighted to find that mental activity was meas- 
nd he started to visualize the brain as a kind of 
"When impedance cquals zero, that's the 
ing usc of cnergy.” Later, while operat 
ing his own electronics he began working with his kids 
10 sec if he could help them tap the deeper impulses of their 
minds. Their schoolwork soon showed improvement—but when 
they began to answer questions that he hadn't asked, he 
he was on to something: "The development of the intui 
factor—the so-called h sense.” He continued his research— 
at a cost of about ha million bucks—until 1966, when he 
taught his first paid “mind control” course in Amarillo. Today, 
Silva Mind Control has centers in every American state—it's 
also taught in schools and prisons—plus 10 foreign countries 
nd the list is growing). It’s a 48-hour, no-machines course 
that teaches you to quiet the “beta” activity of your brain— 
that's so-called normal consciousness, which keeps tying itself 
up in knots—and let the deeper "alpha" impulses be your 
guide. As Silva pointed out—he was speaking by phone from 
Costa Rica, where he'd just dedicated a new center (next week, 
Mexico City; the week after, Atlanta, Georgia) —mind control 
is a practical thing: “И can be used for business . . . health . . 
education . . . for better family understandings, But that's 
not all. Е sion of a new, improved species of 
man, tha “We are off base right now, and 
we need to become more humane.” Agreed. Mind Control may 
not have all the answers, but we need whatever help we сап get. 


resona; 
ideal situation for maki 


JOHN OLSON 
EET 


we 42 
1. BARRY O'ROURKE 


PLAYBOY 


158 


AIME УНШ ШШШ 


system. I rcst casy knowing that my 
questions NT. answers. 

We no longer live with the mysteries 
in our past. The evidence I present will 
forever put an end to the question of 
whether or not we are alone. The an- 
cient junketers from space left many 
imprints that are still with us today and 
will be with us tomorrow (and the day 
after tomorrow, and so on). It is my con- 
tention that these visitors wanted to leave 
something behind to be remembered by— 
just as we have done on our moon 
trips. They left physical objects (temples, 
roads, amusement parks) and something 


grander, something that will be with man 
until his demise: tools. 

When the ancient galaxy-trotters ar- 
rived on Earth back in August of 30,000 
B.C, they found two types of apes: ordi- 
nary apes and apes with a future. The 
apes with a future were our ancestors. 
They were different from ordinary apes 
in that they were rather flashy dressers, 
and the galasy-trotters chose the more 
fashionable creatures as recipients of 


their tools and technology. And so it was 
that man took the lead in the cvolution- 
ary race. Looking back, I suppose that 
every ape wishes he'd had sense enough 
to dress for company. 

The ancient wayfarers sought to turn 
these apes into productive individuals, 
but, as always, an ape would rather clean 
a friend than listen to an engineering 
lecture. As a result, the visitors left 


"I'm a friend of neithe: 


(continued from page 117) 
Earth. As some sort of cosi 
left behind their tools 
of literature explaining construction, 
medicine, mathematics and ballroom 
dancing. It took some time before the 
apes Iearned to use the tools and then 
developed into man as we know him to- 
day. Our debt to these ancient space folk 
is incalculable. Let us all pray, before we 
lay our heads down to rest, that these 
ancient space men will not return and 


ic joke, they 
nd great volumes 


ask us to make good on the debt. 


CAR WASH AT THEBES 

Amid the ruins at Thebes there stands 
a perfectly operational car wash, com- 
plete with a hot carnauba-wax machine, 
capable of handling 30 cars am hour. 
Symbols inscribed above the cash ге 
(designed to hold goats the common 
monetary unit of the time) have been 
translated to read No CHECKS ACCEPTED. 
BANKS DON'T WASH CARS, WE DON'T CASH 
CHECKS. Rather unusual for a society 
primarily concerned with not urinating 


on its sneakers. 


FORKLIFT OF LIBYA 


In the middle of Libya's scorching 
desert, there sits a Ione forklift. The 
Robert Frei discovered it on an expedi- 
tion to find the tomb of the late King 
Ulat McKay. Instead of unearthing a 
tomb filled with treasure, Frei unearthed 
a rotting wooden forklift and a bag of 
stale coconut chewies. Such a damor was 


ni 


Es) 


aised over how to display а forklift 
among the beautiful treasures of the Ber- 
lin Museum for Antiquity and Profit that 
the historical significance of the forklift 
was overlooked. A pity so obvious an ex- 
ample of alien presence on our planet 
was discarded. 


THE GREAT SHOE 

Outside Calcutta in the midst of Roy 
Rogers Shanty Town there stands the 
Great Shoe, an enormous wing tip, size 
40,000 DDDD. A few miles from the 
Great Shoe, scientists have found the 
remains of the Great Socks and the Great 
Undershorts. The famed anthropologist 
Clara Leoprdet was baflied by the size of 
the Great Shoe, Socks and Undershorts 
and was quoted as saying, “I wonder if 
this giant throws his clothes about like 
this at homel" 


“THE TEMPLE OF THE TWEED PANTS 

For thousands of years, the people of 
Tacki Tacki in the South Pacific have 
worshiped a pair of tweed pants (with 
three zippers, suggesting an anatomy di 
ferent from that of non-Latins). Island 
legend had it that the God of Clothing 
descended from the heavens on a silver- 
sewing-machine bird and took a woman 
from among the villagers “to mess with 
for a couple of hours.” The divinely 
duped husband burst in on the god and 
his lover and the surprised god dashed 
out of the hut and returned to heaven. 
To this day, the pants left behind by the 
god are worshiped in the hope that he 
will someday return for the pants and 
the villagers can get his autograph. Leg- 
end or fact? 


‘THE FRESCO OF THE CHURCH OF THE. 
CARPETED CONFESSION BOOTH. 

A fresco on the ceiling of this small 
Romanian church has Jesus and the Holy 
Ghost riding in a flaming rocket, strafing 
a legion of Roman soldiers. A bubble 
above Jesus’ head contains the words 
Geez, what a мау to travel" A more 
perfect artifact of the hoary tourists 
could not be found. 


THE LEGEND OF THE FAT MAN 
On the island of Discovered 1934 there 
be of extremely thin people 
whose calorie intake rarely exceeds 120 
per day. Yet the main figure in the 
religious mythology is Big Ed, the Fat 
Man. Big Ed was supposed to have arrived 

island by plane and within an hour 
umed all the food the natives 
had saved for the rainish season. He com- 
plained of gas and left suddenly for the 
heavens in search of a bicarbonate. The 
islanders still pile heaps of cold cuts and 
extra-fancy cling peaches onto the Altar 
of the Fat Man (a stone slab made to 
look like a brownie). It is terribly ob 
ous that the Fat Man wa 


lives a t 


ап ancient 


space person and that a stone brownie 
is no inducement for an intergalactic 
journey. 


THE FUTURE 

1 believe I have sufficiently proved that 
the Earth has been host to space travelers: 
but what of the future? Of course, we can 
only speculate, but I am confident that 
my theories are sound. Have I been 
wrong in the past? 

There exists a theory (developed by 
the Boys’ Club of Albany, New York) 
that beyond our solar system time changes 
radically—one day, for example, equaling 
50.000 Earth years. If this theory is true, 
then only a single day has passed since 
the first space folk arrived. We can cer- 
tainly expect them again. 

1. It is possible that the space people 
will return with more tools and knowl- 
edge. This could be to our advantage 
or to our disadvantage. It would be ter- 
rible were they to return with the same 
knowledge and tools as the first time 
around. Consider what a deadly bore it 
would be to have to listen to odd little 
men reexplain the principles of proper 
home insulation. 

2. It is possible that the aliens might 
return looking human. We might be un- 
able to detect their presence, unless, of 
course, we were to ask them who played 
first base for the 48 Dodgers. 

3. Perhaps the aliens will return and 
give today’s apes the tools and knowledge 
to help them in their evolutionary strug- 
gle. If this were to happen, we could find 
ourselves, in a few years, engaged in a 
mighty battle with the simians. How long 
would an ape sit in a zoo or a jungle if 
he had the knowledge to produce nuclear 
weapons? Looking to an even darker side, 
suppose the aliens gave the knowledge 
to insects or plants? Imagine the chaos it 
would create with the welfare system! 


FINAL NOTE 

Since it is inevitable that we will be 
visited by aliens again, you should pre 
pare yourself for a possible meeting with 
one. There are a few simple rules you 
should observe for a memorable meeting. 

1. Don't panic. Our popular fiction has 
taught us that visitors from outer space 
can be tricked into stepping on an elec 
tified trap. Violence will only give us а 
bad name around the univer 
Treat them as you would any other 
radioactive guest. See that they are com 
fortable and don't invite them to speak 
at your club or school. 

3. If the aliens are giants, as they may 
well be, use caution. Do not get them 
angry and don't attempt to dance with 
them. If they look as though they are 
going to sit down in a residential area, 
play the national anthem until they leave 


To help stop Athlete's Foot 
more families buy Desenex: 
than any other remedy, 


That's because anti-fungal 
Desenex contains a medically- 
proven formula that has success- 
fully helped millions of sufferers. 
And the number gets bigger 
every year. 

To help heal Athlete's Foot, 
use Desenex Ointment at night 
and Desenex Powder, or Aerosol, 
during the day. 

When used routinely, Desenex 
provides continuing protection 
against fungous infection. 


©1974 Pharmacraft Consumer Products 


оопа, cooling 
Dedicated footer 


Also available in solution form: 


A PRODUCT OF ll RENAL CORPORATION 


From Country Music’s 
Newest, Brightest Star... 


MICKEY GILLEY 


Produced by Eddie Kilroy 


On Playboy КЕСУ, 


PLAYBOY 


160 


ELMER GANTRY (continued tron page 118) 


thanked the chief bouncer “and the men 
you recruited. 

That sort of violent demonstration of 
allegiance to the national religion is still, 
as yet, a sometime thing in the United 
States; but in other countries where some 
of the same organizations are at work— 
supported by the same U.S. dollars— 
suppression in the name of patriotic 
godliness has become a real burden. Few 
leaders of The Fellowship acknowledge 
this publicly. One who does is Wesley 
Michaelson, legislative assistant to Sena- 
tor Mark Hatfield of Oregon. Both Hat- 
field and Michaelson have been among 
"Washington's most vigorous Christian- 
political evangelists and were for years 
before the present movement took off. 
They are, however, mavericks. They be- 
lieve that there is a dangerous and essen- 
in some of the 
present revival. As Michaelson puts it: 
“The latent assumption is that the solu- 
tion to political problems is to get people 
converted and committed to one another. 


[But] overseas some of The Fellowship 
people are the same generals who carry 
out martial law.” 

Campus Crusade for Christ Interna- 
ional has sponsored а number of evan- 
gelical events in Korea in recent years, 
with the help of such church luminaries 
as Billy Graham. South Korea is run by 
one of the most brutal dictatorships in 
the Orient. Preachers who oppose the 
government are clapped in jail. William 
Кк. Bright, the California businessman 
who is president of Campus Crusade. 
publicly announced his support of these 
jailings on the grounds that if dissent 
were allowed, the government would be 
in danger. The only thing that matters, 
said Bright, is that “in no country in the 
world, including the U. S., is there more 
freedom to talk about Jesus Christ tl 
in South Korea.” Imprisonment to sup- 
press religious freedom is wrong, he con- 
ceded, but imprisonment to suppress 
political freedom is OK. 


“Really? It’s mandatory?” 


mpus Crusade has close ties with the 
that now dominate the 
rcligious scene in Washington and has at 
times pushed its influence into the White 
House. Julie Nixon Eisenhower and a 
number of Congressional wives meet 
periodically for Bible study at the home 
of Mrs. George Page, who is affiliated 
with the national Campus Crusade for 
Christ (Some of Washington's best 
snoops, including columnists Rowland 
Evans and Robert Novak, have spread 
the rumor that it was the prayerful Julie, 
always а favorite of Ford, who got to 
him at a moment when he was feeling 
Christlike and persuaded him to speed 
up the pardon.) 

С.С.СІ. president Bright's wife, Vo- 
neue Bright, cofounder of C.C.C.L, 
received the Churchwoman of the Year 


age’s president 
is Chicago insurance man W. Clement 
Stone, whose $4,000,000 contribution to 
Nixon also made him the biggest sup- 
porter of God's chosen one. Nixon got 
R.H.A's Churchman of the Year award 
in 1970, George Romney in 1969. 

Although neither Campus Crusade nor 
Religious Heritage has advocated violent 
suppression of sin and dissent, they have 
worked closely with our Government in 
propaganda campaigns. When dissent 
was really busting out all over in 1970, 
Religious Heritage of America’s Progress 
Report (signed by Stone and by Wallace 
E. Johnson, president of Holiday Inns of 
America as well as chairman of R.H.A.'s 
executive committee) noted: “President 
Nixon has asked Religious Heritage of 
America to undertake a program which 
would ease tensions in our nation and 
unify Americans. R.H.A. is embarked on 
a ten-point program to achieve that." The 
crusade would include a press campaign, 
bumper stickers (1 Love AMERICA), an ad- 
vertising blitz through the Advertising 
Council of America ("Selling America to 
Americans”) and a TV series entitled 
The Miracle of America, starring Pat 
Boone. 

These aren't moi 
ers who are finan 
R.H.A. newsletter chirped, “ 
to Eddy Scurlock (chairman of Sci 
Oil Company. Houston) for obtaining 
the loan of a Learjet to fly Pat Boone 
from Las Vegas to Washington so Pat 
could sing the national anthem at the 
religious service. And a big thanks to 
Harry Smith, Big 3 Industries, Houston, 
for loaning [sic] the plane. Harold 
McNaughton, Palmdale, California, was 
the first to come through with a $1000 
gilt to help pay the hotel bill. .. . Bless 
you, Harold.” 

Don't shrug off R.H.A. as a business- 
suited equivalent of the D.A.R., either. 
Since R.H.A. was launched 24 years ago— 
“to deepen our faith in a power behind 
creation, to which we all feel a sense 
of awareness and responsibility, as ап 


and-pop store own- 


antidote to communism"—it has lured 


most of our biggest 


nting for its awards, 
y. There is a deep 
this organization, 
als and moderates in public life 
are 1 not to join its activities. Along 
with rightists such as Nixon and Francis 
Cardinal Spellman, hallelujah-for- 
America fes ies have also drawn the 
likes of R. Sargent Shriver and Arthur 
Goldberg (despite а memo to him from 
a friend, warning that he might find him- 
self “being used by rightwing extremists 
when [you act] as honorary chairman of 
the Washington Pilgrimage of R.H.A."), 
along with pillars of Am such 
В. De Mille, Lawrence Welk 
and Paul Harvey 

The turnout of moneyed opinion 
shapers at R.H. A's annual America 
anquet likes to hear such mes- 
sages as that brought by Dr. Ernest L- 
Wilkinson, past president of Brigham. 
Young University. He pointed out t| 
all our troubles started in this coun 
h President Franklin Roosevelt, whe 
€ strayed nent by di 
nd relied more on government by 
1 intellect’ h he meant 
aders who told us “we must abandon 
our former principles in order to ‘help 
the poor! ‘protect minorities! "provide 


its 


[rom go 


ме are being 
ncer of moral 


е” Asa result, 
plagued by a cree 
decay." 

Does an outfit like R.H.A. ha 
It was largely responsible for pe 


dout? 


Congress to stick the phrase 
God 


into the Pledge of All 


nce, and 
roup that cin pull off an abomina- 


on like that is capable of anything. 
The most celebra igious bonfire 
in Washington is fueled by the 
ship Foundation, The Fellowship, too, 


has clout of a disturbing sort. For ex. 
aple, when a swarm of Vietnam veter: 
ans showed up in Wash: st year 


to lobby for more vete and 


Gib ts fares eames) гето O ПО 
Mall. But the Na ark Service re- 
fused to give them a permit. At the very 


same time that the vets were h 
shooed away, an outfit called CI 
the Answer showed up in Washington 
and asked permission to throw up two 
Circussize tents and park the 
of double-tandem trucks, cov 
evangelistic messages, right on the Mall, 
one tent right next to the Washington 
Monument and the other next to the 
Smithsonian museum. They wanted to 
hold a monthlong revival. The Park 
Service at first turned them down, too, 
claiming that the Constitution frowned 
on using Federal land for church work. 
But aftcr Christ Is the Answer officials 
met with the Senators who belong to the 
Fellowship Foundation, the Park Service 


THE ANCIENT 


TEQUILA ARTS 


OF MONTEZUMA 


Montezuma ruled during the 
Aztecs’ golden age. so the Halls of Mon- 
tezuma probably echoed with the 
sounds of celebration quite often 

Today, you can rediscover the spirit 
ofthe Aztecs, according to Montezuma" 
Tequila, by looking atthe Aztec calendar. 

This ancient calendar, called the 
Sun Stone. has an inner ring of twenty 
symbals. one for each day of the Aztec 
week. These symbols also suggest what 
kind of drink might be appropriate 
for each day's celebration 


Tequila Pina. The giant 
condar represents 
the 16th Aztec 
day, symbolizing 
rare pleasure. 
The drink 
Shake 15202. 
Montezuma 
Tequila with 
З oz ріпе- 
apple juice, 
1 oz. lime juice, 
sugar то taste. 
Serve on Pb 
racks in 
Collins Ө) 
glass. NY 
COZCACUAUHTIL 


Tequila Pup. The loyal dog 
symbolized the 10th day 

inthe Aztec week, repre- 

senting faithful compan- 

ionship. The drink; Міх TZCUINTL 

in shaker with ісе, 1% oz. Montezuma 
Tequila, 1 teaspaan honey, juice of 1 
lime, dash of bitters. Serve in cacktail 
gloss. 


©1974. 80 proof. Tequilo. Borton Distillers import Co.. 


Tequila Earthquake. A circle with 
radiant arms symbolized the 17th 
Aztec day, representing the power то 
move mountains and get a party shak- 
ing. The drink: In blender, combine Ж од. 
strawberriesand | [корс grenadine. 
OUN Add 1% oz Montezuma 
Tequilo, dash oforange bitters 
and ice. Garnish with lime 
slice and fresh strawberry. 


Mexico Martini. The elegant 
jaguar rep- 


week, symbol of 
graceful enjoy- 
ment. Thedrink: 
Stir with ice, 
2 oz. Monte- 
zuma Tequila, 
1 oz. dry Ver- 
mouth, 2 drops 
vanilla extract. 
Strain into chilled 
cocktail glass. 


Tequila Carambo. 
The brave eagle rules 
the Aztecs’ 15th 
day, symbol af 
free-spirited 
fun. The drink: 
Shake with crushed ісе 134 oz. Morte- 
zuma Tequila, З oz. grapefruit juice. 1 
tablespoon sugar. Add club sada, serve 
in highball gloss. 

Montezuma Tequila. In White. In 
Gold. Made in the tradition af the finest 
ancient requilos. 

For all twenty ancient Tequila Arts 
recipes write: Mantezuma Tequila Arts, 
Barton Brands, 200 South Michigan 
Avenue, Chicago, Illinais 60604. 

And may Tonatiuh. the sun god, 
smile on your celebrations. 


Montezuma 
TEQUILA 


the nablest tequila of them all. 


CUAUHTLI 


New York New York 


161 


PLAYBOY 


changed its mind and let them set up 
their tents and preach against dissenting 
vets, against abortion, against queers and 
against dirty magazines. 

The Fellowship Foundation owes most 
of its present notoriety to the fact that 
chief apostles allegedly converted 
les Colson to Christianity and gave 
his dirty-tricks licutenant, Egil "Bud" 
Krogh, Jr., a prayerful send-off before he 
went to jail for his part in the burglary 
of Daniel Ellsberg's psychiatrist's office. 
The Fellowship Fe ion's long-term 
basis for fame is thar it has taken over 
much of the work of its predecessor, the 
ІСТІ. 

То understand the dangerous side of 
the current religious movement, one 
should go back to the beginnings of the 
LC.L. in Seattle in 1935. Seattle was a 
center of labor radicalism in those days 
and the local businessmen were kl 
it would llame up in widespread strikes. 
The business community launched I.C.L. 


under the guidance of Abraham Vereide, 
. arrogant, pious fellow who, be- 


Seattle, was an itinerant 
her in Montana who 
liked to strut around with a six-shooter 
in one nd and a Bible in the other. 
e many immigrants (Vereide was a 
native of Norway), he was determined to 
be more ionic than the native-born. 
Later he would boast that he “was led 
to take the offensive against corrupt, 
anti-American forces that were infecting 
his community, The heart of a ing 
immigrant was the womb in which 1.C.L. 
was conceived by God." 

So successful was Vereide 


Methodist pr 


Seattle that 


viking heart 
tricks to the nation’ 
servative politicians and industri 
helped him launch the I.C.L. Once agai 
the purpose to develop an atmos- 
phere that protected the status quo and 
retarded dissent, By the Fifties, he was 
going great guns. 

As in Seatile, the Devil 
was portrayed as "anti-Americ. 
or communism. It fitted in perfectly with 
the spirit of the Fifties, with the spirit of 
icCarthyism, with the spirit of Eiscr 
hower's big-business theology. It was the 
era in which godliness апа anticommu- 
m were one and anticommunism and 
proestablishmentarianism were one. 

In 1953, Ver d his big-business 
backers—with à ist from ho- 
tel magnate Conrad Hilton—persuaded 
isenhower to establish the National 
Prayer Breakfast under the auspices of 
Vereide's 1.C.L, Billy Graham became a 
fixture at it and for the next 15 years he 
delivered a sermon at the annual event. 

Among the officials of the I.C.L. in the 
Fifties and Sixties were men such as John 
C. Broger, director of the Armed Forces. 
Information and Education Directorate 


162 at the Pentagon. Broger, who was also 


or to Admiral Arthur Rad- 
ford, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of 
Staff in the Fifties, was the fellow who 
later authorized the broadcast to U.S. 
troops overseas of a religious series pre- 
pared by the notorious bigot and rabble 
rouser Gerald L. mith, 

Sometimes the LC.L. appears to have 
been no more than a propaganda arm 
of the Pentagon, It produced the film 
Militant Liberty, which was conceived 
by Broger and produced by Frank B. 
ahr as part of the LC.L.'s “world-wide 
against commu 
s adopted by the Department of 
Defense for its training program. 

At the height of the Vietnam war, the 
National Prayer Breakfast was one of the 
White House's most important podia for 
selling the war as a sacred venture. Gra 
ham told one of the breakfasts that “there 
are those who have tried to reduce Christ 
to the level of à genial and innocuous 
appeaser; but Jesus said, "You are 
wrong—I have come as a fire setter and 
а sword wielder.' ” L.B.T. liked tha 

There has always been а strong mil 
тагу tone to the Natio 
fasts. Not only have the U.‘ 
chorus and Navy Sea Chanters by 
hand for the hymn singing, not only have 
Imirals and generals been there to de- 
liver the prayers and addresses. not only 
have the lay ministers chosen blood-and- 
guts topics for their sermons but, at a 
more practical level of brainwashing, the 
breakfasts have often been broadcast to 
hundreds of n y bases, where many 
thousands of military personnel convened 
for simultancous prayer exercises. A 
few wears ago, the prayer breakfast 
was broadcast to 1400 military bases 
ound the world, touching the minds 
of 200.000 Servicemen, Members of the 
resident's Cabinet will often give s 
mons at the breakfasts, Congressi 
leaders will often tell how God influenced 
their lives. But needless 10 say, no equal 
time for the program; no 
atheists. The thousands of military per- 
sonnel who tuned in must have got the 
idea that all their leaders, bathed in a 
n cocoon of certitude, thought С 
tianity was the cat's meow. There was no. 
suggestion that many of our leaders are 
paralyzed by honest doubts and d: 
mic fears about their own and the nati 
future. America, like its flag, scemed to 
snap smartly in the breeze. 

The LC.L/Fellowship Foundation 
spends nearly a half million dollars а у 
not only on the ^ 
fast but also to support hundreds of 
mayors’ prayer breakfasts and governors’ 
prayer breakfasts and — professional- 
athletes’ prayer breakfasts and campus 
ayer breakfasts. It’s uplift all the way. 
ner New York nkee star Bobby 
ame a representative of 
the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and 
his pitch was just super: "God's Hall of 


mostics 0 


wi 


Fame is for eternity.” Allen Morris, the 
Miami millionaire realtor who helped 

rst Orange Bowl prayer 
contributed 10 an or- 
izers’ handbook the advice that at ev- 
ist God should be thanked for 
ngs of living in America, of 


dozen or 
breakfasts cach week for 
s to brass (but no 
radical mixing of ranks): опе of these 
sessions, according to The ? York 
Times religion editor, Edward В. Fiske, 
єз place at 6:30 л.м. every other Tues- 
when "before concentrating on mat- 
ters of war and peace, а dozen admirals 
and generals assemble in the Secretary 
of the Army's private dining room at the 
Pentagon lor coffee, doughnuts and 90 
minutes of Bible study. 

This is nothing new. of course. When 
Laird went in as Secretary of Defense, 
he summoned the top-ranking military 
chaplain and asked if the Pentagon had 
yer room. He was informed that 
there were dozens of rooms already in 
ad hoc use for prayer and worship, but 
none specifically des ed as a prayer 
room. "Build one" he ordered. and it 
was done. Generals who were about to 
send mare bombers into the North Viet- 
mese air to kill nonbelievers regularly 
went to Laird's Meditation Room for a 
spiritual briefing ahead of time. 

Out of the Pentagon have come such 
zealots as General (four-star) Ralph Е. 
Haines, Jr., who was in command of all 
U.S, Army land forces until he quit the 
Service in 1973, after receiving the Holy 
t at а Full Gospel Business Men's 

ip Intei nal meeting. He 
shucked his uniform with the dedaration, 
“I would rather be a pri 
of the Lord than a general 
Sometimes it's hard to tell the 
тсе, 

‘The Full Gospel Business Men's Fel- 
lowship International, which claims “His 
banner over us is low has set out to 
lert every member of Congress, the Su- 
preme Gourt Justices and the President 
to “the invasion of the green atheistic c 
cer of communism which has so stealthily 
extended its corrupt tentacles into virtual- 
ly all arcas of our national life" and that 
ic minority are actually control- 
country." Judging from some of 
ty 
pates in a protest 

igainst war or d ion. One of the 
ЕСЕ МЕГ favorite pamphlets for 
proselytizing is a speech by the chairman 
of Acacia Mutual Life Insurance Compa- 
ny, who warns that “if communism were 
to prevail in this country—life insurance 
would fail!” That level of evangelism, the 
F.G.B.M.F.1. claims, has lured nine Sen- 
ators and 23 Congressmen (including 
Ford when he w 
meeting: 


tagon, there are 
more prayer 
everyone from cler 


satanic minor 


s still in Congress) to its 


Most of them are leaders in the” 


“Christianity? I thought you said to teach them choreography!” 


163 


PLAYBOY 


and The 


current prayer movement 
Fellowship 

As already indicated, the alliance of 
the military and the politico-reliei 
movement in Washington is so close it 
looks like Thor has come into his own 
at last. Scratch a member of The Fellow- 
ship and you will almost invariably un- 
believes in 


g power of the Senate Prayer Break- 
fast is Senator John Stennis, chairman of 
the Senate Armed Services Committee. Te 
way through Stennis’ nomination that the 
Senate selected as its chaplain the Rev- 
erend Dr. Elson, a retired colonel in the 
U. S. Army Chaplain Corps. Elson is one 
of the guys Johnson sent to oversee the 
South Vietnam elections in 1967, as a 
way of laying a sheen of respectability 
on the dictatorship. 

The Fellowship is always quoting some- 
body like Lieutenant General Willard S. 
al or Admiral Radford or General 
Mathew B. Ridgway to the effect that 
“the Spiritual Power of God is the an- 
swer ro communism.” For a long time, 

ne of the LC.L/s vice-presidents was 
Lieutenant General M. Н. Silverthorn, 
U.S.M.C. (Retired), who took time out 
from praising God to help put togethi 
the Victory in Vietnam Banquet Cor 
mittee of America’s Victory Force in 
1968. 


of Amcrica has 
the same ties. Its award for Clergyman 
of the Year in 1974 went to Rear Ad- 

iral James W. Kelly, former Navy Chief 
of Chaplains, Colonel Paul H. Griffith, 
ional commander of the Am. 
n Legion and former Assistant Secre- 
y of Defense, was once R.H.A's 
president. 

But putting aside the m istic lean- 
ings of the prayer leaders, there remains 
their just plain thuggish attitude toward 
the general publi ight of the 
Vietnam war, Stennis prods 
Society programs with the billions they 
are gulping down should be relegated to 
the rear. . .. They should be secondary 
to the war,” He put them secondary by 
voting against Medicare, the poverty 
program, urban-ussistance funds, child- 
care programs, legal services for the poor, 
manpower training and food stamps. 

Does that sort of voting record come 
from divine guidance? Ste ists that 
he is in tunc with God and that when a 
gunman shot 1 the lung several 
months ago, he survived strictly because 
high hand” intervened on his behalf. 

Stennis’ counterpart as the most vig- 
orous supporter of the House Prayer 
Breakfast was, until he left Congress this 
year, William Jennings Bryan Dorn of 
South Carolina. “I like to think that 
when I come out of there,” said Doi 1 
am a little more tolerant and sweeter to 
people.” In fact, his voting record shows 


g4 that he would go to any extreme to cast a 


vote against the general public, especially 
if the vote would reach down and im- 
prove the condition of the poor and 
neglected. 

The Congressional prayer groups are 
packed with fellows like that—Dixiecrat 
scribes and Republican pharisees. The 
day of the Senate Prayer Breakfast “is the 
best day of the week,” brightly beams 
Senator Jennings Randolph, the portly 
fellow from West Virginia. “At the end, 
when we join our hands in prayer, you 

n feel the grips tightening. You sense 
that we are going out strengthened.” 
Strengthened for what? When Randolph 
first went to Congress more than a quarter 
ry ago, he was a vigorous New 
voted by his colleagues 
the member who did most for his con- 
ts. Nowadays, he works mostly for 
nterests of coal-mi s and o 
ics. After 78 men were killed in 
an explosion in Consol's number-nine 
mine at Farmington, there was а strong 
movement on Capitol Hill, a movement 
eventually successful, to write an effective 
coalmine-safety law; Randolph, partici- 
pating in what The New York Times 
called a "skulking maneuver" directed by 
the National Coal Association, wied his 
best to gut the reform legislation. What 
з pray for when he holds the 
hands of his colleagues at the weekly 


The LC.L/Fellewship Foundation 
does not tell whom it gets its money from: 
it wies to keep that a secret. But it is 
t some of The Fellowship's 
more generous support has come from 
outfits such as the Eli Lilly Endowment 
ad the Pew Memorial Trust (Sun Oil 
Company money), both of which have 
helped keep alive such right-wing groups 
as the Christian Anti-Communism Cru- 
sade, Truth About Cuba Committee and 
the All-American Conference to Comb: 
Communism, organizations whose pr 
mary purpose is to keep Americans 
shaped into rigid political orthodoxy and 
to spread the Gospel that “un-America 
ism" is the most venal of all si 

The Fellowship Foundation lives from 
the largess of such businessmen as that 
nameless executive (presumably with an. 
n its 1973 
ancial s s having donated 
tics to be derived from certain 
rights located in the continental 
shelf of Australia. Four months later, the 
rights were sold (probably back to the 
donor; that kind of "charitable" shuffle 
the oil industry) for 


tement 


is common 
$360,000. 
The Fellowship now ha 
$3,500,000 estatc—its 20 acres being опе 
of the last big hunks of private real 
estate in the center of Washington, D.C. 
If the deal gocs through, this estate 
will be general headquarters for the па- 
tional prayer and politico-Christi 
movement to be headed, apparently, by 


its eye on a 


EARTH negative heel shoes 
are sold only at Earth shoe 
stores in these cities. 


For the address consult your 


phone directory. 

Arizona. tree Tucson 

California. .Berkele: 
Carmel 
Hermosa Beach 
Laguna Beach 
PaloAlto 
San Francisco 
Santa Ana 
Santa Barbara 
Westwood 
Colorado. Boulder 
Connecticut... ;.Hartford 
New Haven 

District of Columbia 
Washington, D.C. 
Florida . Gainesville 
North Miami Beach 
South Miami 
Georgia. „Atlanta 
Illinois .... ......Chicago 
Indiana...... Bloomington 
Louisiana .New Orleans 
Massachusetts. „Amherst 
Cambridge 
Michigan. ....Ann Arbor 
Birmingham 
Minnesota. „Minneapolis 
Missouri KansasCity 
New Jersey „Princeton 
New York..... NewYork 
Buffalo 
Garden City 
Huntington 
Southampton 
North Carolina .. -Chapel Hill 
Charlotte 
Ohio «Cleveland Heights 
Colum 

Pennsylvania.................... Allentown 

Philadelphi: 
Pittsburgh 


Knoxville 
Memphis 


-Salt Lake City 
„Burlington 


Denmark 
Germany. 


If there is no store in vour area, write 
to Earth shoe, Dept. PM, 251 Park Ave- 
nue South, New York, NewYork 10010 
and we will send you a brochure that 
explains how to order the Earth" brand 
shoe by mail. 


Why everybody's 
pretending they're us. 


The shoes that 


of research and hard there, it's not the Earth 


т worktogeteveryde- | brand shoe. 
ie | tail justright.To per- » 
but don't work like fectthearch Tomake | op sul only at Earth 


shoe stores. 


the Earth shoe. 


m 1085, Wade сараа Ou 
lav - able and functional. lere's one more 
mes Hoe (SERN Tobalance the shoe, | thing that makes our shoes 
our shoe. Some even Tomoldthesoleina | so special. Our stores. 
use names thar sound special way so that it Earth shoes are sold 
like ours, would allow you to only at Earth shoe stores. 
that look П walkinanaturalroll. | Stores that sell noother 
It seems like every- ing motion. Gently shoe but ours, and are de- 
body's trying to be us. and easily even on voted entirely to the Earth 
But what they don't the hard jarring ce- shoe concept Ч 
understand isthis.Mere- ment of our cities. How our shoes fit vou is 


NONE Ee БЕТЕР very important tous. There's 
а shoe isn'tenough. To get an idea of how. aspe technigue rmi 
And imitating the out- the Earth! shoe works, ting them. Our people are 
side of our shoe isn’t stand barefoot with your. trained tofit you properly 
enough. Just because a toes up on а book. and we wouldn't trust any- 
shoe looks like the Earth J p>, Feel what begins one else to do it. 


E happen. 
shoe doesn't mean it Кавар ү 
works like the Earth Find out for yourself. 


These ure not Earth shoes. shoe. To really appreciate 

Just because they look It took many years to Earth shoes you must try 
like Earth shoes doesn’t mean perfect the Earth brand them. 
they are Earth brand shoes. shoe. And those years are When youdo you'll see, 

a crucial. They make our shoe Э perhaps for the first time in 

" RUD a шк when different from all its your life, what it's like to 
DEAN На пеи vel ice imitators, walk more gracefully, natu- 
the world with the heel How the Earth Shoe Кешу сотона: 
lower than the toe. was invented. 3 


In those days the other 
з Itstartedyearsago when 
People who made shoes |А nne Kalsø had the origi- 


just laughed at us. т 
t nalidea for the negative 
But things have changed] pel shoe. 


And now that you love а 
She saw footprints in ; 
кышкыда the sand, and realized that Z ч +. 


now that you're standing in. | thesand. а 1 IT ane 
line го get them, the shoe MES every бороп ane А "EARTH is the registered. 
eae ly was designing a shoe. trademark of Kalsø Systemet, 
| fl A natural shoe. A shoe Inc. for its negative heel shoes 
laughing and started БИШКЕКЕ ower - and other products. 
copying. Mer M RN 21975. Kol узете Ic 
Jf that would work 3 
in harmony with 
your entire body. Раіепі*3305947. 
But that was just | Why the Earth shoe is 
the beginning. | unique. 
en came 
the years The Earth shoe is pat- 
ented. That means it can't 
be copied without being 
changed : 
And if it’s changed StL) 
it just isn't the ә 
Earth shoe. Anne Kalsø. 
3 , So to be sure Inventorof the EARTH 
Earth brand p you're getting the negative heel shoe. 
shoe comes in ges: real thing, look on the 
styles for men and 2 5 Тао 
women, from open ѕап- sole for our patent 
dals to high boots. From P^ number and our trade 
$93.50 to $42.50, Prices | mark, Earth. If they're not 
slightly higher in the west. 


You can only buy Earth’ shoes at Earth Shoe Stores in the cities listed on the facing page. 


165 


PLAYBOY 


“Sorry, Mac, we got no eight-year-old masseuses.” 


Senator Harold Hughes, who dropped 
out of the Senate in January 1975. 
Hughes recently conceded that “we've 
been praying for it [the mansion]. We've 
asked the Lord to give it to us. If he 
does, we will consider that several 
ades have taken place.” This is the kind 
of sanctimonious hyperbole one must 
ly, The Fellowship hasn't 
asking the Lord for the mansion 
rly so much as it has been asking its 
fatcat supporters, and if they come 
through it will be no miracle, for money 
flows easily in the trough of these pious 
patriots. 

In the late Sixties, The Fellowship's 
tone underwent a subtle change. Partly. 
this was because the godly Vereide 
went to his heavenly reward in 1960. 
Partly, it was because, with Nixon, 
F.H.A's 1970 Churchman of the Year, 
going soft on international Commu 
ts, the religious crowd felt it expedient 
to begin tuning down the old hard line. 
Anyway, it was no longer so fashionable. 
The wild anticommunism of the Fifties 
no longer sold so well: Witness the de- 
cline of Dr. Carl McIntire, who still 
preached a rabidly anti-Communist line 


166 but could muster only a handful of sup- 


porters for his marches in support of 


Nixon's war policy. The prayer leaders 
on Capitol Hill felt their image slipping: 
Their ranks were too heavy with the 


likes of the late Congressman James B. 

Jtt of Orange County, California (ho 
orary doctorate from Bob Jones Univer- 
sity). “Frankly,” said the Congressman 
who headed the prayer movement in the 
late Sixties but who wants to rema 
anonymous for obvious reasons, “we had 
a pretty lousy reputation. Most of the 
people who showed up for the prayer 
breakfasts were hard rightwingers, Elk: 
Club types. After they said a prayer, y 
almost expected them to yell, ‘OK, bring 
on the girls!’ I decided it was time to put 
a different image on the group. so 1 be- 
gan getting people like Mo Udall to 
come around.” 

It paid off. The reputation of the 
Capitol Hill prayer groups did improve. 
They seemed slicker, more contemporary, 
more sophisticated—or slightly more. 
The God they invoked was still a capital- 
ist god, He still loathed communism, He 
still sniffed at dissenters, He still vomited 
on military deserters. But He was also 
more decorous, He was now a more ac 
ceptable God, in that He wore a vest 


and, like most high-class lobbyists around 
town, had a spastic colon for which He 
drank milk regularly. 

Vereide's mantle fell on the shoulders 
of Douglas Coe, who had been an assist- 
ant to Vereide since 1959. Under Coe, 
politico-Christianity on Capitol Hill has 
heen reduced to the roll of a Welcome 
icim is verboten. It is a 
nity with all the character and 
ency of Saran Wrap. fitting neat- 
ly and sanitarily over any bowl of politi- 
cal-corporate corruption. Odor is reduced 
to a minimum. The essential mission of 
The Fellowship remained what it had 
been undi i i 
“personal” 
coveting your neighbor's wife and de- 
emphasize the public immorality of steal- 
ing elections, 

So, natura 


it was just the kind of 


having done what he could to blacken 
the reputation of Ellsberg and hundreds 
of other Americans on the “Enemies List" 
that he helped concoct, he became bored 
with life. The source of his conversion is 
significant. He claims that none other 
t Thomas L. Phillips, president of 
the Raytheon Company, started him 
up the sawdust trail. (Raytheon is one 
of the nation’s biggest defense contrac 
tors.) One day, whi i 

Boston, he ran into Phillips, 
friend, and told him he feeling low. 
“Try Christianity for a pickup,” Phillips 
said, or something to that effect. Phillips 
urged him to put himself in the hands of 
Coc when he returned to Wash 

Coe processed Colson thr 
the faithful—Senator Hughes, former 
Congressman Graham Purcell and Con- 
gressman Albert Quie. The proce 
entailed prayer meetings at which 
Hughes, Purcell and Quie prayed over 
Colson, sometimes wept over him, and 
brought him into The Fellowship by 
holding his hand and hug 
Hughes is a great believe 
contact. 

To say that the world was skeptical of 
Colson's intentions is putting it mildly. 
It was suggested that his conversion was 
prompted by everything from mental de- 
hydration to a crafty effort to help Nixon. 
The skepticism was, of cour based 
mainly on the difficulty of believing such 
quick change could come to a man who 
was, as one editor noted, just basically 
rotten. 

And the skepticism, as it turned out, 
was apparently justified. Hughes assured 
reporters that ^this baby in Christ" as 
he called the hatchet mau, would forth- 
with tell everything he knew about Wa- 
страте. But Colson's rebirth of candor 
didn’t pan out. He refused to publicly 
admit in [ull detail his rascality, refused 
10 implicate any other wrongdoers in the 
Watergate mess, refused to disavow his 


allegiance to the biggest crook of them 
IL ‘The only thing he said he was sorry 
bout was that the tapes had been re- 
leased. When CBS interviewer Mike 
Wall 1 Colson (who was being 
accompanied by his spiritual keeper 
Hughes) if he had wied to "make amends’ 
for his more obnoxious actions, һе 
that he didn't think reform meant having 
"to go back and пу to redo things . . . 
done in the past." Furthermore, he denied 
having pulled most of the dirty tricks 
Wallace menti "Well," said Wallace, 
no doubt voicing a common bafilement 
among 60 Minutes’ viewers, "I confess 
you leave me somewhat bewildered, then, 
as to the meaning of your faith.” And on 
when а Newsweek re- 
porter tried to pin Colson down on what 
his new faith meant in practical terms, 
© turned the question away with the 
d of fluffy response that is typical of 
pout 
а half hour or more to explain it all 
ce. Peace. Serenity. It is hard to 


Jt is clear that for such men as Col- 
son and, indeed, for men at his level of 
Government who are charged not with 
crimes but only with antisocial mischief, 
The Fellowship serves beautifully as a 
kind of Lighthouse Mission for the Pow- 
erful, where they can get a free bowl of 
good publicity and a deloused cot on 
which to sleep off their latest, if not their 
last, power drunk. 

Why would a fellow like Hughes want 
to quit the Senate to become some sort of 
high priest in an outfit like that? He is 
no Dorn or Randolph or Stennis. He is 
a decent man, judging from his voting 
record. Why would he want to act as a 
paid front lor this crowd? And what € 
actly will his duties be when he leaves 
the Senate and joins The Fellowship 
professionally? 

At this point, such questions disappear 
down a black alley. Hughes has inten- 
tionally built a mystery: “I have no fully 
structural outline of the initiatives I will 
take in this new work, but the arrange 
ment 1 have with the two foundations 
[Fellowship and LC.L] leaves me almost 
unlimited freedom to proceed in w| 
ever creative direction 1 consider best." 

It is obvious that one of his duties, 
whether he interprets them that way ог 
not, will be to serve as a pious envoy for 
top-drawer rascals in need of a patina of 
repentance. It is also probable that he 
will help lead the gullible Christians of 
America away from thinking about things 
like crooked corporations and into think- 
ing about alcoholism, a nice diversion. 
Hughes is a veteran Bible thumper on the 
I-was-a-drunk theme: "I was beaten to my 
Knees in despair [by alcoholism]! 1 cried 
out to God, and from that moment my 
lite changed!" he roared at the 1974 Na- 
tional Prayer Breakfast audience, bring- 
ing them to their feet with cheers and 
thunderous applause, thrilled at the spec- 
tacle of this battered Manolete twirling 


Itching, chafing, 
rash, irritation, 


excessive perspiration 


in the groin area 
could be 


Jock lich 


Whether you're suffering from the bother- 


some symptoms, or Jock Itch (Tinea cruris), you 
should be using Cruex Medicated Spray Powder. Y 
Cruex soothes itchy, inflamed skin. Absorbs 


perspiration. Helps cushion against further medicated spray powder 
irritation, And, medicated Cruex is strong enough 
to help prevent the fungous infection that can. 
develop. 

Since Cruex is a spray powder, it penetrates 
into hard-to-reach places, without mess, without 
pain. Get relief — fast. Avoid embarrassing itch, too. 
With Cruex. Soothing, cooling Cruex. 

So good it has this guarantee: if not totally 
satisfied, just return the unused portion to manu- 
facturer for full refund. 


bythe makers of Desene 


Cruex © E 


Guaranteed to work or your money back. 


©1974 Phormacratt Consumer Products А PRODUCT OF PEWA CORPORATION: 


The Stimula Condom. 


Delicately ribbed to help a woman let go. 


Now you can reach a level of sexual pleasure 
that only months ago was unheard of. A con- 
dom delicately ribbed to give a woman gentle, 
urging sensations. Yet. with a shape and 
thinness that let a man feel almost like he's 
wearing nothing at all. 

Made with a new "nude" latex that transmits 
‘body heat instantaneously, Stimula is supremely 
sensitive. It's anatomically shaped to cling 
to the penis. And K-70, a remarkable "dry" 
silicone lubricant works with natural secretions 
во Stimula's scientifically patterned ribs 
‘can massage and caress a woman effortlessly 

Made by the world's largest manufacturer of 
condoms, а million have already been sold in 
Sweden and France. Orders are shipped in 
discreet packages. Send for your sample today. 
re eus 

Stamford Hygienics Inc., Dept. PB-6 
114 Manhattan Street Stamford. Conn. 06904 


Please send me: (Check Box) 
О s3 sampler pack of 12Stimula 
О $1 sampler pack of 3 Stimula. 


Free catalog Sent with either order describing. 
our entire пем line of erotic condoms. 


O Check O Cash O MO. Enclosed 
Кате. 
Address. 


сиу. 
State, Zip. 


167 


PLAYBOY 


Tus scarlet cape right over the horns of 
thar old devil, demon rum. 

Give him credit for full sincerity: the 
question remains. is that all he hopes to 
get out of turning to the lay ministry 
just a chance to beat his breast? Which, 
after all, is something he had been doing 
on the side (for money) during his Senate 
carcer. Isn't he cooking up something else 
on God's back burner? 

^ reasonable guess is, yes 
to use his lay ministry as a launching pad 
for the Presidency. He wouldn't be 
William Jennings Br 
Hughes, dropped out of Congress 
himself 


President: 
over the country 
the pol 
from Bry 
cian, he wa 


the evangelist, As a politi 
always spouting Scripture, 
lways couching his political deba 
nalogies and Biblical pl 
no accident that Bry 


most famous 
shall not. press down upon the brow of 
labor the crown of thorns, you shall not 
crucify mankind upon a cross of gold!"— 
sounded like something C ghi have 
bellowed from a dark cloud over Gol- 
hi 

It worked. for Brya 
the grassroots Christians, 
. the populistic plain folk sal 
thecarth types everywhere loved this 
pseudoprophetic approach to ро 


for him three 
there 
wing folks to put 


weren't enough. God- 


him in ihe White House. 
Bryan, has a big chest and 
voice: 


Hughes, lik 
a big sut and a booming 
Bryan. he is ardently 
Bryan, he seems to inspire co 
that mythical creature, the "little man.” 
Hughes's physical and intellectual appeal 


like 


on the evangelical circuit was accurately 
forecast by the greatest of boondocks 
columnists, L. T. Anderson: "Hughes 


looks like an evangelist. It is easy to pic 
ture | а cowboy hat. If Hughes had 
Colson’s sins and a name like Jimmy 
Tom, there would he no limit to what he 


could accomplish, even in a crowded 
field.” 
Not only is he an exdlrunk, he is also 


an ex-foorball player, 
an ex governor « 

(ows) and a lot of c 
to good colorful political copy. He 
exdawk. Nowadays, he sounds as 
pacific as the dove that settled on John 
the 1. He claims that if he 
and we were attacked by 
the he would not retaliate 
ator ut never forget that this very 
canny, practical Christian supported the 


à ex-truck driver, 
foursquare state 
her exes that 


war in V а until very late in the 
me. 

Hughes was a hardline supporter of 

Johnson’ y umil John. 

168 son's last year in office, at which time it 


ither cour- 
ion. What 
admirers tends 
to forget today is that in 1965, it was none 
other than its hero who helped recruit 
support for the war by putting together 
a governors’ tour of Vietnam: this was 
the tour on which Romney later claimed 
he was brainwashed, Hughes's fans also 
conveniently forget that he didn't change 
his position on the war until his most im- 
portant fund raiser tment- 
store owner, told him to cither drop his 
hawkishness or get somebody else to col- 
lect money for his c; 
dden, Hughes had 
Like n 
obviously had 
reasonable to 
gelism h: ictical side, 100. Like giv- 
him a powerful political base from 
which to 1 


1968, when his third term as 
would end. but Bobby 
nedy persuaded him to run for the 
stead. Presumably, he could now 
be talked into disrupting his ministry to 
run for the Presidency. Hughes does not 
pretend he is absolutely leaving politics 
forever. come what will. Quite the con- 
trary. In just about every interview he has 
had in recent months, he has left the im- 
pression that “if God calls,” he will try 


ministry 
low; 


for the Presidency. 

What could he sweeter eater? 
Here he will have а builtin campaign 
organization stretching into every nook 
nd cranny in the nation: prayer groups 


on every major ver groups in 
nization, 
yer groups in Congress—all bubbling 
with people who, whatever their party 
alliliation, would be only too cager t 

out and ring doorbells ог pass the hat 
round the corporation board room for 
their man of God, and, best of all, much 
of it being done with tax-exempt dollars. 
God will provide. 

One can safely predia that a solid 
front man like Hughes would win the 
financial support of Christers such as 
з Phillips: Spyros S. Skouras, 
of Pradential-Grace Lines; 


keeper J. Willard Marriott 
(chief backer of Honor America 1 


Billy Graham's idea): nt Stone; 
and an assortment of oilmen—a group 
whose enthusiasm has been so evident in 


Washington's spir 


а politici; 


of wo th . The 


Hughes to the Den 
with the reasonable expectation that he 
would be an casy candidate for a Repub- 
lican 1 Ford to knock off. After all. 


Ford has own prayergroup back- 
ground: Hughes couldn't upstage him 
ау an anointed of God. Furthermore. 
Hughes has a kookie side to his religion— 


or a side that most people would consider 
kookie—and that would be easy to rid 
cule. Wait till square America learns that 
Hughes believes he talked to his de: 


brother through till 
square America 1 hes be- 
lieves іп exirasensory perception. It 
would titer all the way to the ballot bo 


The second. possibility to explain the 
support of the establishment for Hughes 
is that whether or not he runs for Presi- 
dent, he will be the most eloquent fellow. 
it could possibly recruit for spreading 
the word that America is blessed, take it 
as it stands. forgiving corporate and pol 
ical sins. looking away from the 
Exxon is stealing us blind and to 
bliss of the sweet by-and-by. Hughes's ver- 
sion of Christianity is not likely to upset 
the profits of Tenneco and Mobil 
Lockheed. He will preach that we 
kind and ‘ous people, that wi 
sically а churchgoing, 

people, that we want to 
just like Mobil's ads say in The 
York Times. lt is the kind оГ n 
пу that bluuts sympathy for the torch 
and the dissident march. As the black 
football player from Baylor told Nixon. 
and C at thei 
revival: “Fd be the v 
ihe country today 
Jesus. 

Poor old Hughes sounds 1 
ready being suc 
can and will use Watergat 
a rebirth of this 


ive a better life— 
New 


ost milit 
E hada 


t in 
t found 


Why Water; 2 Why not Vietnam? 
Or the Ala Pipeline? Why not the 
Lake Superior pollution? Or ar Cor- 


ners? Why not the oil companies’ profits? 
Why has God decided to we Wa 

Can't God see the big pictur 

Whether or not the piety of W 
ton is sincere or false makes no difference, 
of course, except as it helps v 
across the nation for phony pr 
harmful politicians. In 1968, Gr: 
all-but-official endorsement of Nixon was 
used constantly in TV campaign commer- 


for Nix 
tists’ most 
are about 
country. In 


m, after all. 
xd mired ballyhooer, 
25,000,000 Baptists in 
his inaugural praye 
ham thanked God for help- 
п the selection of our leadership 
ter that, hé stuck so dose to Nixon 
that he won the unwelcome title The 
plai Graham was, 
many of his critics feel, pressing quietly 
for the unofficial establishment of a n 
tional civil religion, a re 


nds on its political 
a religion that was summed up 
ly by Billy: "We should work 
but all we can really do is patch 


up, because the real war is in man's 


nd there 
this 
over 


стрме. 


makes no den 
aders, 


“Гое got great news for you, Charley . . . I'm not frigid after all!” 


PLAYBOY 


170 


‘own heart. Only when Christ comes again 
will the lion lie down with the lamb 
and the little white children of Alabama 
walk hand in hand with the little black 
children.” 

As early as 1970, knowledgeable rel 
gion writers were reporting thar Graham 
and other like-minded Christers both in 
and out of Washington were hoping to 
n interdenominational movement 
way by 1973, molding together 
the 25,000,000 Baptists with 15.000. 000 
other conservative Protestanis—a poten- 
tial wave of 40.000.000 prayers and votes 
th indeed, be hard for dissidents 
and liberals to swim against. The distrac- 
tions of Watergate interfered with that, 
disrupting its crucial base in Washing 
ton. but now the momentum could be 
redeveloped 

Ironically. the only voices—few, in- 
deed—heard speaking against the estab- 
lishment of this civil religion come not 
from the places you might expect: not 
from the irreligious, that is. They appar- 
ently aren't aware of what's up. The few 
voices of protest come mostly from with 
in the professional religious movement, 
nd mostly from mavericks who have lit- 
tle or no following. Even more ironically, 
the most eloquent voice of warning comes 


have 


under 


would. 


“Really, Helen— 


from dead center in the political-evan- 
gelist movement, from Senator Mark 
Hatfield, who was Graham's personal 
choice for the Vice-Presidential spot on 
the 1968 Republican ticket. 

Hatfield has warned “how dangerous 
it is to merge our piety with patriotism 
a merger t sults in rhe belief 
‘that God has blessed and has chosen 
America as He did Israel: that [George] 


Washington was like Moses, leading the 
people out of bondage into a new land: 
and that the Constitution and the Dec 


laration of Independence (and remember 
their authors were mostly deists) were 
written after inspired prayer meetings.” 
Hatfield became so upset at what he 
feared was a drift toward a civil religion 
that he once contemplated making a 
public starement denouncing the Nation 
al Prayer Breakfasts. Instead of di 
that, however. he accepted an. invitation 
to address the N.P.B., where he told the 
shocked gathering, “We sit here today as 
the wealthy and the powerful, But let us 
not forget that those who follow Christ 
will more often find themselves not with 
comfortable majorities, but with miser- 
able minorities.” 

reception was noticeably chilly. 


just because he wasn't all 


you expected last night." 


GOOD OLE RHODES SCHOLAR 


(continued from page 122) 
Vanderbilt, but 
interfere w 
struction jobs instead, emptied ashtrays 
at Columbia studios, tended bar and 
drank beer at the Tally-Ho tavern, made 
his eager rounds with a battered guitar 
and taped demos of his songs. The first 
of the new breed. he encountered the 
same old hopeful faces everywhere he 
went, Marijohn was one, in a way, though 
older than most and with more conven- 
tional songs. College-cducated, she had 
spent her first years in town trying 10 
remember to drop her gs so as to fit in 
She introduced him around. He met Chis 
Ganny (Sundown Mary and Dreams 0] 
the Everyday Housewife), Mickey New- 
bury (Just Dropped In), Топу Joe White 
(Polk Salad Annie, Rainy Night in Geor 
gia), Dennis Linde, Steve D: у 
Swan, Donnie Frius, Vince Matthews, 
Red Lane 
They were big, strapping, handsome 
guys in Levis and boots, beginning to 
smoke dope and get all haired over in 
the fashion of the times. They could be 
w touchy as Hell's Angels yet 
mly supportive of one another, 
hugging as unaffectedly as they fought or 
seduced or drank or wrote songs—most 
of which didn’t go. “We weren't com- 
mercial,” Kris says wryly. "That was a 
dirty word, because we weren't.” 
ijohn says his first melodi 
Williams 


he said no, it would 


h his writing. He found con 


were 
work 


but she thought his voice too unusual, too 
distracting, and persuaded Mel Tillis and 
Johnny Duncan to come in and sin 
all over Music Row hc toted his demos, 
his own songs in other men's voices. 

Two of his sidekicks were Li 
all and easygoing, with blond 
and a talent for leathereralt 
for songwriting, and Vince 
hig and intense, with 
dark 


Matthews, 


ent eyes and 
way of talking effusively into your 
more damply as the ev 
Matthews never finished high school and 
tolferson still marvels at how 
he handles concepts such as 
nd angst, frequently mispronouncing 
words because he has encountered them 
only in print. The two in a way are not 
much different from Kris. Both have writ- 
ten songs as moving and witty and in- 
sightful as many you see on the charts, 
and both perform. As members of the 
new breed, they'll probably never appear 
оп Grand Ole Opry, but then, Kris never 
did, either. 

He moved in with Lambert and Lam- 
ben's girlfriend. It was a two-bedroom 
$50-a-month apartment. “There was no 
furniture,” Lambert says, tipping back 
a Buckhorn beer. is only опе 


If this speck of carbon Баск? were in 
youreye, you wouldnt know it. But youcan 
see itsimportance everywhere. Because 
carbon black's unique properties strength- 
en rubber. 

They add longer life to windshield wiper 
blades. Extra strength to bumper guards. 
And thousands of miles of wear to your 
саг tires, 

There are many waysto make carbon 
black. Some costly. Some wasteful. Some 
environmentally unacceptable. 


‘Strengthened by carbon black. 
many of today stirescan run 
40,000 milesand more 


2 pm discovered a means of 
producing it from oil — which minimizes 
these problems. 

Who discovered this forerunner of 
the many processes now used to supply 
the world's carbon black? 

The same company that makes fine 
products for your car. 

The Phillips PHILLIPS 
Petroleum Company. 

Surprised? 

The Performance Company 


ws 


‘TASTE THE DIFFERENCE A GREAT TRADITION MAKES. 


For centuries, the world’s master tobacconists have created special blends for their most favored customers... 
elegant, luxurious, supremely rich in taste. 

^ "Today, this dedication to excellence can be found in St. Moritz .. .the world's first 
EY luxury length Gold Band* filter. St. Moritz is specially blended to American tastes, both 
with and without menthol. The luxury length and distinctive Gold Band? set St. Moritz 
apart from the ordinary. They taste as rich as they look, yet the price isthe same asthat 
By Appointment to His Royal Highness ОЁ ordinary cigarettes. St. Moritz. None genuine without the Gold Band? 


‘The Prince of The Netherlands 
Turmac Tobacco Company B.V. 


TON. Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 
Regular and menthol; 18 mg."tar7 1.2 mg. nicotine ave. per cigarette by FTC method, 


bed and somehow—I don't know—Kris 
got the bed.” 

Matthews joined in the laughter in а 
way that said this told you how Kris 
was, Looking awed even now, he stid: 


"From the moment that fucker hit town, 


he was a star. From that fist party. 
everybody was talking about his songs. 
Lamber ah. he'd already been 


touted as a boy superstar. And guys at the 
Pally-Ho were always talking about маг 
they were gonna do, you know? They're 
still there and still talking. But Kris was 
doing He was a great gift giver. 


1 was making leathergoods and I guess 


half of it went to Kris for gifts, usually to 
high-powered people.” But not always. Pat 
Floyd, who used to work in Marijohn's 
office. still has one of those leather purses. 

Lambert stubbed out a Salem. "You 
know, he wouldn't smoke anything but 
Bull Durhams. There are only three or 
four arettes that are hard to get like 
that, Picayune, Home Run. But he chose 
one of thosc. 

He had this way of reluctance, you 
know?" Matthews said. “Like, he was re- 
Juctant to record. then he was reluctant 
to perform or be interviewed. He was 
always reluctant. Reluctant with chicks, 
too. Hell!” Matthews gulfawed admir- 
gly. "He knew what he was doing.” 

I used to call him Golden Boy," Lam: 
bert chortled. "Used to Le him off and 
he'd say he was gonn: ch my lights 
out. That was a saying of his. Billy Swan, 
he’s got one eye and he pissed Kris off 
one time and Kris ‘Billy, Im gonna 
punch your light out. 
а duker,” N 


id he re- 
called a time when he was working an 
outoLtown club and Kris was in the 
audience. A couple of beefy red-necks 
were heckling Lambert, who finally had 
enough and called them ou went 
t ended 
hı. But Kris was ready. 


Г 
along. "He didn't have to and 


up we didn't 
He was read: 

Yet not many actually saw him fight 
john said it happened once at her 
house. with Faron Young. According to 
Kris, Young had called him а phony, 
kept it up and a tussle ensued. It was 
called out of respect. for Marijohn's 
furniture after they ended up sprawled 
the fireplace. 
"How do you two feel about him now 
that he's made it?" 1 wondered. 

Lambert: "I'm behind him. I like him. 
I'm jealousof him. 

And Matthews rolled back on the car- 
and laughed 
dur 


Matthews never paused. "He's 
n. He's pretty and sexy 
and talented 
а мат, man. 


pretty. 
and brilliant 
nd rich and famous—he's 


The Tally-Ho taver 
now, the Cot 


has a new name 
пту Corner, but it’s the 


same place—a Southern tavern, loud and 
smoky and hash, with touchy Southern 
male egos bumping around like snooker 
balls on a threadbare table, the sort of 
place long-hairs wisely stayed out of in 
the Sixtics. A handlettered sign on the 
wall reads: PATIENCE/MY ASS/PAL Gov" 
OUT/AND KILL SOMETHIN”. 

Among the glossy photos of country- 


music stars is one of Kris, grinning, in- 
scibed in his angular scribble to the 


"Cathy, 1 Jove you, but I'm glad 
I don't work here no more. 
Beside me at the bar is a chubby, 
round-faced man in a sport shirt, drink- 
ing Budweiser from a sweating can. He 
introduces himself over Waylon Jennings’ 
jukebox voice. He remembers Kris. 

“He was real dean-cut then, not like 
some of the others. І oi knew him to 
say hello, but we got into an argument 
once, It was right when Luther King was 
killed and | was popping off about the 
colored people and finally Kris said he 
had some black blood, his ndmother, 
or great-grandmother, I don't know. I 
don't know if it was true. But I felt. bad.” 

The man went quict, sipping. "But he 
was the cleanestcut guy ever came i 
this place. I guess he’s not that now 

Kristofferson, in yesterday's jeans, is 
on the plane to Albuquerque, sipping a 
bloody mary and talking about his last 
days in Nashville. His songs had sold from 
the start, he conceded—Dave Dudley had 
recorded Vietnam Blues and Roy Drusky 
had done Jody and the Kid—but after 
that came long dry spells, the last of 
which had stretched itself out until he 
thought it would smothei 


"4 had written Help Me Make 
Through the Night and it wasn't go 
Man, I pushed it to everybody 
duets, comedy acis; shit, anybody. 1 
knew it was gonna be a hit someday, but 
it looked like was gonna bc alter 1 


was dead. 
“Our second child was born with a birth 
defect and | ran up a 510,000 medical 


bill and I had $500.a-month support pay- 
ments to make. I went down to the Gulf 
and took a job flying helicopters out to 
the oil rigs. I commuted to Nashville.” 
When his contract at Buckhorn expired, 
Marijohn suggested that he move to Com- 
bine, a bigger house, He did. and just 
about then it all broke open. He and 
Shel Silverstein had written Your Time's 
Comin’ and a forgiving Faron Young re- 
corded it. Jerry Lee Lewis recorded Once 
More with Feeling, Bobby Bare did Come 
Sundown. Ray Stevens did Sunday Morn- 
in’ Comin’ Down and Chet Atkir 
whose good side is the only place to be 
in Nashville, liked i . Roger 
Miller cur Me and Bobby McGee, Ki 
ferson met him and Miller recorded more 
of his songs, Johnny Cash, always a men 
tor of the new b 1 a song on his 
TV show. Combine paid Kris's debts. Gor- 
don Lightfoot and Janis Joplin did Bobby 
McGee and Dennis Hopper heard it, 
liked it, phoned Kris and invited him to 
Peru for The Last Movie. Kris was seen 
at Janis’ funeral (they had been close for 
a time) and was cast as Cisco Pik 
won the Country Music Assoc 
Song of the Year award for Sunday Morn- 
in? Comin’ Down, appalling the tradi- 
ionalists when he showed up for the 


. on 


па said se 


stof- 


ed, d 


171 


PLAYBOY 


morning? 


Did you miss a button this 


Mennen Pushbutton Deodorant provides 
losting protection against perspirationodor. 


And Pushbution’s fine 
on contact. 


ist dries instantly 


Button up your 


underarm. 


\ 
ЫЯ 


ceremonies, they thought, either drunk ог 
stoned. He says he was tired. 

"And Т was hor," he said. sipping hi 
bloody mary again. "I ain't worked a 
lick since.” 

He ain't done nothin’ since but work 
licks, actually. He is as busy as anyone 
in show business, though he seems to have 
found spare moments for reflection. “1 
have no illusions about being a heavy- 
weight,” he said. "Back when I was a 
Rhodes scholar, I thought 1 was, but you 
қопа get over that or it cam keep you 
from doing anything. .. . Right now, 
I'm having a little burst of energy. 1 had 
three years ago. But it won't last." 


"Shit, my voice." He came off the Al- 
buquerque stage, moving like a manacled 
octogenarian, The politician and the 
process server were dealt with and the 
first set done, but he was still down. He 
thought his voice wasn't going where he 
sent it. The audience didn't notice; they 
were up, pounding on their knees and 
smiling. Now John Beland, one of the 
band, was onstage, doing some ef his 
own tunes, and the audience had turned 
a little restive, and Kristofferson was r 
membering another time like that at 
some college in Oklahoma. “One of the 
guys was performing and the audience 
wasn't. payi ion and finally 
somebody hollered out, ‘Anybody got an 


"I went back up and took the mike 

and said, ‘Hey. y 
"He yelled back yeah, 

Well—fuck you. " 

He was staring down at the board floor 
as he finished the tale. "President of the 
college sent a letter around: ‘Don't hire 
Kristofferson, he's hostile and narrow- 
minded! ” He laughed bitterly. 

Kristofferson thought the second. set 
went even worse, though aguin the audi- 
ence was pleased. He came off pale and 
drained, looking like one of his own fa- 
vorite lines—nearly [aded as his jeans. 

Jim Mecker was there, a Fort. Worth 
investor Kris had known in Europe, say 

ag things like "He made his епу 
ment conform to his fantasy" and urging 
Kris to run for public office. It was Mecker 
who had introduced Kris to a girl in 
Europe, a girl he fall for and traveled 
with. soaking up the feelings that went 
into Bobby McGee. 

Later, in Meeker’s Hilton suite, a dull 
heaviness hung in the d Kristolfer- 
son slumped in the center of the room, 
drinking morosely and getting progres- 
sively quieter. Finally, he went into the 
bedroom, suctched out on the bed and 
ked up the telephone. He dialed. The 
call went on for a long time. He was on 
ck, forearm thrown over his eye 
if to shur out the whole day he'd just 
been through. voice murmuring muzzily. 

‘Then, suddenly. he is up and urging 


you sp 


aid, 


us 10 go down to the lounge and hear 
Jody Miller, who was playing there. “I 
hear shes good.” He is always positive 
about other performers 

But only one drink into her show, he 
Jeans over and says, “You wanna go?” 

aes 

Somebody in the meantime has sent for 
a round, The drinks line up on the litle 


plastic table. Jody belts out some Vegas- 


style country, then does а Krisioflerou 


song. Kris looks weary. A fricud leans 


“Remember 


across the table and says, 
the time Wayne Newton was doi 
Bobby McGee on television and 1 saw 
you shaking your head—you 
wincing? And J said, "Listen, 
youre gonna hear your stuff on 
in the shopping center...” 

Kris leans over and burrs, shaking his 
head slowly, "Al'm drunk a' shit.” and 
seules low - Then he leans 
back again and mutters, with a truly 
moving bitersad twist in his voice, 

"Cause I'm hostile and narrow-minded. 


know, 
fucker, 
Tuzak 


on his newest solo album has 
ndin’ out the bottom ain't so 
different from the top." The song 
called Same Old Song. 


It is the next morning and the sun is 
pouring in through the motel window 
when the telephone rings. “You want to 
get together?” E go next door and Kris- 
toffersou orders up Cokes. He looks 
cheery and уйа, which seems odd in a 
night person who is often bearish in the 
moming (a Nashville acquaintance had 
observed, “He wakes up with a left 
hook"). But now some wheel had pon- 
derously turned over and brought up the 
shining side again, and he was briskly 
dressing, wearing a white grin. 

“Hey, 1 just talked to Rita. She said 1 
called her last night, said 1 was tal 
about tigers. Yeah, tigers.” (Tiger! tiger! 
burning bright —William Blake) “Shit, 
I don't know, this about tigers, that 
bout tigers.” We ugh. "Yeah, after а 
while, she said it was like “Tiger yell 
ribbon round a ole oak wee.’ " He Jaughed 
again and shrugged into a shirt. 

I wanted 10 ask about the Jesus thing, 
how an obvious intellectual had роце 
into writing a Gospel song like Why 
Me (Lord) a album called 
Jesus Was a Capricorn. Some of it is iron- 
ic, of course, and some critics have said 
Why Me (Lord) is a kind of parody. Kris 
had even been quoted as sayi 
self. Even so. ... 

"] don't like to 
stopped moving aro 
“People call me up and say, ‘I hear you've 
been saved.’ I don't even know what it 
means. I'm even embarrassed now to sing 
Why Me (Lord). 

He stopped again and then said. “It 
was just a personal thing 1 was going 


nd doing 


g so him 


lk about it." 
d the room. 


th 
experience that I can't even exp 

He had gone into a fundamentalist 
church in Nashville. Jimmy Snow, Hank 
Snow's son, was the preacher. Kris hadn't 
been inside a church in а long time, per- 
haps years, and went now only to please 
some friends. But they sang Help Me 
(Lord), a Larry Gatlin song. 

“It really moved me; I never thought I 
needed help before. I was feeling pretty 
lost, but you know, I'm not the type to 
Чо à public display of emotion. . 

He paused again and looked up. ^ 
ain't talked to anybody about this. Well, 
they're reading the Bible and all and the 
iy says, Is anybody feeling lo: 
"And I'm sittin’ there and—up goes 
my hand.” He looked up with а self-con- 
scious smile. “I'm sittin’ there like this" — 
slumped, head down, a frozen picture of 
despondency (as he had seemed the night 
before) —"but my hand goes up. 

“I thought, "That's enough, just to 
admit you're wasted. The last thing 
you'll catch me doing is—and I went 
down there, down front. He says, ‘Are you 
у to accept Christ? Kneel down 
¢." And Ive seen movies of. Marjoe 
and ай. and I'm not that type of dude. 
But I'm kneeling down there. 

“And he says, "You're not guilty. 

“And I carry a big load of guilt around: 
I can leel guilty about the weather. And 

just sort of out of control, crying. 
s like a release. It really shook me 
up. I was so shaken on the way out I 
could hardly light a cigarette," He lit a 
cigarette. 

“And then I went off and wrote Why 
Me (Lord) and the news flashed around 
that Kristofferson got saved, and now 
everybody wants to talk to me about 
к or sign their Bibles, and I don't 


‘ough at the time. I had some kind of 


8 


t to. 

I remembered an earlier talk. “I'd like 
not to be disappointed in myself and 
others. I get bitter. You know, no matter 
how much you try. it seems like people 
are only interested in their own bag. Like, 
I was up for the concert and then here 
comes the guy with the papers, Dennis 
with the guy, a guy wants me to meet 
his old lady—everybody wants a piece of 
you. Ultimately, they'd like to see you 
disembowel yourself onstage. And your 
friends understand that—so you don't see 
your friends." 

He had seemed to think a moment, 
picking up a nearempty Bull Durham 
pack and weighing it in his hand. Finally 
he had grinned again. "See, there's the 
danger. Talking like that when most of 
“em just come up and say you 

Ihere's a line in one of his songs that. 
һе had quoted to me the night before in 
his room, when he was down and almost 
out on his feet but still trying to “do an 
interview." id, you motor 
Scooter, can’t you hear him laughin?” 1 
remember thinking, оп my way out the 


Mennen Prop: Cool, refreshing. 
electric pre-shave that props-up your 


Prop-up your 
whiskers. 


Its tough to cuta whisker 


when its down. 


beord and conditions your skin for closer, 


х 


door, that he must have gone to sleep 
with that laughter in his ears. 

"Rita keeps him olf the streets,” says 

friend of the Kristoffersons, sipping 
Punch at the Tonga Lei on 
Malibu Beach. "Like, Kris has a family 
now. He hasn't been dose to his family 
for a long time, They've seen one another 
lately but not too much. He digs his 
brother C Graig is in the military, 
did everything the family wanted him 
to do but make a million dollars." The 
irony makes him laugh. "Kris did that. 

"Anyway, Rita is really a. family per 
son. The house is usually full of in-laws 
when they're here. Her sister is married 
to Booker T. [Jones] and they come down. 
Her p ts have a house, Rita’ id. 
mother—God, 1 wish you could meet 
her. She's like 90 and remembers every 
day of her Ше. Came out here in а 
covered wagon. Kris wrote a song for 
her birthday and you should have seen 
her face when he played 

“But Kris is still a loner. He's always 
been moody. Sometimes you see him and 
he's got a new joke and he can't wait to 
play a new song for you. Other times 
you know you're just not getting through. 
He always tries, he's always polite. 
he just gets withdrawn. Inside, he 
a loner.” 

It is а few months after 
and the next d 


still 


Albuquerque 
y 1 follow Vernon White 


up the Malibu Canyon Road to spend 
the day with Kris and Rita, Nothing was 
planned, no interview. We were going 
to sit around. drink beer, listen to 
music, watch TV, have dinner. On the 
ristofferson had been open and 
friendly, if occasionally t d de- 
pressed, which had scemed perfectly nat- 
з that unnatural ion. One 
wondered how he would be at home. 

He was sitting by the Jacuzzi, shirdess 
and bareloot beige Levis drooping on 
his hips. He had lost some weight and 
looked trim. When we walked up, hc 
was pulling a Bull Durham filter tip and 
n pardon, growl- 
nd Agnew oughta form а 


ural 


ing: 
x 


1 company." 
Behind him was a big blue swimming 
pool, beyond that in the trees a new 
kennel, nearby the new Jacuzzi built as 
surprise by friends while the Kris- 
tolfersons were away. White helped out 
and says it’s just about the biggest 
cuzzi he has ever seen, all lined with 
“IIL hold eight therapeutically,” he said, 
nd twenty socially.” Kris grinned and 


told about a friend. who s: the hot 
water for 12 hours one day, so stoned he 
forgot to get out. emerging at last looking 


aisins some 


le 


€ one of those little ра 
people put in fruit salad. 
Kris had finished a new album and we 
went inside to hear some of the songs. 
He and Rita have owned the house since 


173 


PLAYBOY 


174 


last February. This was September. They'd 
spent three wecks there. The living room 
cnormous. with a feldstone fireplace 
and a great view of the Pacific that fills 
the big windows. There's a playpen in 
the living room, tape players and speakers 
and а few books on the shelves, a handful 
of knickknacks that might have come with 
the house. 

ince Albuquerque, they have done a 
tour of Australia, New Zealand and Ja- 
pan, recorded two albums, Kris finished 
the Alice movie and did а cameo role 
as a rapist in Sam Peckinpah's Bring Me 
the Head of Alfredo Garcia—an enter- 
prise for which he has caught flak from 
friends. It was, some thought, “un- 
seemly.” “It was a favor for a friend,” he 
says flay. He had also been in Muscle 
Shoals, coproducing an album for friend 
Donnie Fritts. Then Johnny Cash's son 
was hurt in an accident and Kris went 
to Nashville to help out, so he ended up. 
getting home later than he had planned. 
Now they had all of a week off before 
Kris was due back in Nashville to help 
out on a Vince Matthews album—another 
favor for a friend. Vince, in fact, had just 
phoned. He wanted to apologize to Kris 
for taking me to the home of the blue-eyed 
boy in Nashville—an act of mere for- 
getfulness that Vince had begun to see 
as the grossest lapse in loyalty. He was 
forgiven. 

Kris went to a tape player: "I want you 
to hear this one.” It was a new song called 
Slow Down. He grinned at White. “You 
know Mickey Newbury? When he heard 


that song, he s 
what you're sayin’? 

When the next tune came on, he was 
standing in the middle of the floor with 
a Bull Durham between the fingers of 
опе hand and a yellow home roll in the 
other, describing how they were going 
to dub in some wailing Cajun fiddles. 
The chorus came on and he went, "Deoot- 
deoot-de00000!"—Cajun fiddle style— 
bouncing, conducting, jamming his arms 
out and his hips forward. "Ain't that 
gonna be great?" 

He also had some news. The com- 
plainant’s lawyer had dropped out of the 
case concerning authorship of Help Me 
Make It Through the Night, relieving 
Kristofferson of a nuisance. He had been 
offered over $100,000 to make a TV com- 
mercial for stereo equipment—and turned 
it down. "I've got a more romantic view 


"Whyn't ya listen to 


of the music. So much of our lives is bull- 
shit already." (Another friend had quoted 
him as saying, 


Н make a commercial 
kes one.") And he had 
signed to do a film that he calls Son of 
Star Is Born, about the rise of a rock star. 
The music and the movies are moving 
closer together now, he was saying, each 
becoming a part of the other to the point 
where neither is now more important i 
his career than the other. I reminded him 
of his hope to do a film Bergman style 
and asked if he had had further thoughts 


for such a step. But then he said 
I've got a scene I'd like to put in it. . 
A band gets onstage (goes the scene) 


“Look at the corner apartment on the 12th floor. 
That's what I want you lo do to me.” 


and is doing the sound check, tuning up, 
going about its business. But soon the 
audience begins to chatter, clap, heckle. 
The band starts то play and suddenly 
clumps and clots of vegetables come zing 
ing up—rotten tomatoes, cucumbers, 
heads of lettuce like cannonballs, radishes 
like pellets of shot going ssssss past their 
heads, the tomatoes going smush-boom 
as they hit the drums, hit the musicians. 
But the band gocs on into the set as if 
nothing were happening. They play, 
really working out, but the flying vege- 
tables get thicker, the people down front 
start closing in and spitting, showering 
them with saliva, vilification, vile curses. 
But the band, blithely, placidly, earnestly, 
plays on. Now the audience is on its feet, 
throwing sticks and brickbats, laying 
about themselves with clubs and night 
sticks, clambcring over the stage and bust 
ing up speakers and amps. The place 
а shambles, Bur the band plays on oblivi 
ously. And as they're about to wind up 
the set, the audience really unlimbers the 
artillery, pulling the pins on grenades 
and lobbing them onto the stage: tracers 
go arcing by, smoke rises and the stage is 
starting to crumble as the drummer does 
a final riff and rim shot, ka-choonk-ching- 
bop, shutting down, and the leader of 
the band—guess who—is taking a bow 
and saying, growling politely, “And I'd 
like to thank the sound people and the 
lighting man and, of course. . - 
Kris was breaking himself up with this. 
The whole thing had a kind of Marx 
Brothers quality, an innocent old-fash- 
ioned slapstick obviousness It was also a 
very neat, perhaps сусп unconscious 
phor for what Kristofferson must 
sometimes feel his life is like. We applaud. 
Rita came into the room and the 
atmosphere changed. It was Home now— 
the friend was right. She carries it with 
her. She is bright and hip, but calming, 
too, pale, with luminous dark eyes and a 
graceful, unself-conscious way of moving, 
а low gorgeous voice and an educated 
drawl. With her was Casey, five and a 
half months old, dressed in bright yellow 
and white. Big dark luminous eyes and 
the shape of a good grin around her 
mouth. Rita smiled at her. Kris smiled 
at her. On the table was а copy of Di. 
Spock's baby book. Casey smiled back 
and Rita announced, "She has а new 
tooth.” And leaned over to Casey and 
confided dryly, with no trace of baby 
talk; “You'll have tacos for breakfast.” 
Everybody grinned foolishly, the way 
people do around babies, and Kris took 
Casey on his lap, holding her hands up 
so she could stumble around there. He 
winced occasionally as tender parts got 
mpled, smiling into her eyes, bending 
to rub his grizzled face into her belly and 
saying, approximately: "Gaaaaaa-gaaaaa- 
gaaaaa.” When he straightened up, Casey 
hold of his nose with her plump fist 
if it were a bagful of jelly beans. He 
rolled his eyes at her and she choriled. 


"I think I liked the way she talked, 
you know what I mean? We laughed at 
the same time,” he said when Rita һай 
gone shopping for dinner. They had met 
at the L.A. airport, sat together on the 
plane and talked. They knew each other's 
names but nothing about the other's 
music; Rita had been singing rock with 
people like Joc Cocker and Leon Russell. 
She was going to Memphis, he to Nash- 
ville. But after a while, he said, "I wish 
you were going to Nashville.” 

And she said, "Well, why don't you 
get off in Memphis?" 

So he did. 

"It wasn't like looking at some beautiful 
chick. It felt like I was comin’ home.” 

Kristofferson is a Cancer, if you like to 
meditate on such things. Cancers are 
supposed to be creative and self-contained 
but domestic and home loving, about half 
of which had seemed to fit the Kristoffer 
son on the road. Yet now here was the 
other half dandling his daughter, romp- 
ing with his dogs, drinking beer with his 
shirt off, watching a football game on TV, 
te whole Dagwood number, a whole new 
Kristofferson. Even the intensity had 
pulled far back into his eyes like a fox 
going cozily into hibernation in а c 

Rita came back and the endi 
were cooking when Kris's new Irish 
came trotting in through the big country 
kitchen, sliding awkwardly on the floor 
and getting laughed аса gawky, rangy 
red pup, all legs, big feet and wet ador. 
ing eyes. 

"Gora name that dawg. We're thinkin’ 
of naming him Beauregard for the one 
in Pogo. Call him Beau for short. 

“Beau-weau,” pronounces Rii 
soft smile. 

Kris breaks up. "Y. 

"Beau-weau-wea 

“Yeah! 

"Or call him Ralph." And somebody 
barked the inevitable, obligatory “Ralph! 
Ralph!” 


with a 


и" 


Kris says, still 
y for short," 
more of this nonsense, some 
of it even sillier. There was the football 
game, which Kris Monday-morning- 
quanterbacked knowledgeably from the 
front six inches of the co and there 
was Maude with a cameo appearance by 
John Wayne, who lumbered around and 
growled in his famous John Wayne im- 
pression as we ate the big Mexican dinner 
and finished the last of the Coors. There 
was some Tia Maria, and then there was 
а report on Evel Knievel. It was heavy 
on the machismo, Knievel relating with 
his customary bravado how much cour- 
age his life required and how posible 
was his death. Kristofferson watched it 
intently. Then he set down his plate 
and picked up Casey. He shook his head. 
"And they say rock musicians are self- 
destructive.” 
Ha 


laughing. 
There wa 


100% Blended Scotch Whiskies, Imported by Gooderham & Worts, Delroit, Mich, 


Great Entertainers: 


WAYNE 
NEWTON /LAUDER’S 
SCOTCH 


86 proof 


Lauder's is keeping 
company with some 
big names these 
days. It's the good 
honest Scotch at a 
good honest Scotch 


Authentic Scotch 


dollar price. You Dollar (Crown) minted 
can buy Lauder’s between 1603-1625. 
for a song. Symbol of Lauder's. 


Look for Wayne Newton's Latest Album, "The Best of Wayne Newton Live" 


175 


PLAYBOY 


176 


MARGIT (continued from page s1) 


the hours I spent trying to figure out how 
I, too, could get my breasts to shoot sky- 
id when I lay on my back instead of 
ing them fall down on either side of 
myarmpits; or the trauma I went through 
at 14, knowing that my true love of all 
time, Peter Kendall, was in love with Miss 
January's long slim legs, and that pretty 
soon he was going to discover—as soon as 
] let him remove my Hidden Fingers 
panty girdle—that I had lumpy upper 
thighs. 


tcen is a nervous age for a girl. 
You t to be perfect and no one will 
tell you how. Your self-confidence is frail 
as glass, easily shattered. PLAYBOY used to 
ish mine regularly. 

When I was 14, I bought PLAYBOY every 
month, I'd get it off the rack at Kerrisdale 
Pha ry in Vancouver and then hide it 
under my Scientific American, so that the 
hidden thief-catcher cameras in the store 
wouldn't discover how low I'd sunk into 
the tacky depths of depravity. Then, when 
I'd pay for it, I'd keep my head down, so 
the cashier wouldn't recognize me. If any- 
one I knew happened to see me with it, 
Га toss my head back and say in snotty 
tones, “It has some great articles in it" 
Actually, I never read the articles unless 


they were about sex. I usually just rushed 
home and locked myself in the upstairs 
bathroom and looked at the pictures. 

It was always demoralizing, Miss Janu- 
ary had long thin legs, I had short thick 
ones. The Playmate of the Year had bikini 
marks that blended imperceptibly into her 
skin, mine were like Magic Marker lines. 
And the starlet in the March issue was 
blessed with having no knees. It wasn't 
fair. 

Ah, sigh, sigh—I'd stare at page after 
page of coy dollies with dripping-wet 
smiles and curse my mother for not bring- 
ing me up to look like them, all pink and 
perfect. 

Ihe memory is painful. I'd stand u 
dressed on the edge of the bathtub with 
g for balance, the 
other holding the magazine out in front 
th the foldout folded out. And I'd 
re our bodies, section by section. 

‘The breasts first; Hers were so high and 
firm they practically put out her eycs— 
mine swung in opposite directions, like a 
close-up of Jean-Paul Sarue looking at 
his fect. Her nipples were the pink shade 
of spring roses—mine were a sort of muted 
mud brown. Then the pubic hair: Hers 
was backlit from some mysterious source 


“Is this your idea of a joke, Hotchkiss?” 


and glowed on her belly like angel floss— 
mine just lay there like a Brillo pad, even 
after I trimmed it with nail scissors. She 
had a delicious little dent for a belly but- 
ton—I had а doorknob. Then I'd compare 
the thighs: Very upsetting. Hers flowed 
in one smooth line from her hips— 
e looked stuck onto my torso as a fat 
afterthought. Each of her thighs meas- 
ured a supple 15 inches—each of mine 
measured а Rudolf Nureyev 22 (my waist 
was only 23). 

Then the worst part of the examina- 
tion; the bottom: I'd look at hers for a 
long time, mostly to put off looking at my 
own. She had two perky, exactly round 
halfmoons placed high on her back, and. 
her skin was so taut over her flesh that it 
shone. There no crease sepa 
bum from thigh, only the slightest 
ation of a shadow under the cheeks. I'd 
force myself to look at my own. Carefully, 
so that I didn't slip down and crash into 
the bottom of the tub, I'd turn so that I 
could sec in the mirror. No two half- 
moons mine. It was all in one piece, a 
flesh-colored Baggic full of hard-asrock 
Jello: ncike droop 
ing over my legs. And too low. Too low? 
Jesus, compared with hers, it hung practi 
cally to the backs of my knees. 

Clearly, I was a hopeless case and would 
never get to sleep with Warren Beatty 
when I grew up. 

My one consolation was that the man 
photographed with Miss January while she 
was trying on bras in Frederick’s looked 
like someone who bathed in strawberry 
milk five times a day. 

At least Peter Kendall could sweat. 
Still, I wanted to Jook the way she did. I 
wanted 10 be rosy and umflawed and 
spend my days romping naked through 
the woods without embarrassment, I want- 
ed to be perfect and unashamed. But that 
seemed an impossible dream, my bottom 
and thighs being what they were. Dance 
dasses had not helped. Week after week 
of trying to make my legs extend at right 
angles from my hips, and what did I get 
in return? A bottom that stubbornly re- 
Iused to stand up and thighs like Tarzan's. 
Short thighs like Larzan’s, useful only if 
you had to jump from tree to tree. J had 
no desire to jump out of trees, I just want- 
cd to look like Miss January. 

Young girls make heroic sacrifices in 
the pursuit of beauty. Somewhere along 
the line they're conned into believing that 
once attained, will absolve them 
and justify their lives ten times 
over, no matter how wastefully they choose 
10 spend them. Beauty would mean in- 
stant adoration. Beauty would mean the 
climination of fear. Beauty would mean 
perfection. 

Obviously, Miss January would have no 
responsibility in life other than that of 
keeping her fluorescent nipples eternally 
erea. With her thin thighs, she'd never 
need anything so worrisome as а carcer. 
With my thighs, I was going to need 


several careers. There was an ad in Movie- 
land magazine for rubber belts that you 
put batteries into and wrapped around 
whichever part of your anatomy you want- 
ed to reduce—without diet, pills or exer- 
cise. The Hudson's Bay store in Vancouver 
carried them in the lingerie department, 
for $19.08. I blew my savings account two 
thighs’ worth. I got home, went into the 
bathroom and read the instructions. I 
was to wrap the belt around me. Stick it 
shut with that prickly stuff they use in- 
stead of zippers on modern parkas. Then 
I was to turn the dials on the side of the 
belt up to five or six. Then I was to lie 
back while a million magic fingers mirac- 
ulously broke down fatty tissue and firmed 
up my muscles. 

I wrapped the belis around my thighs 
and turned the dials. But who's going to 
stop a dial at five or six when you've got 
22-inch thighs? I zapped the dial instantly 
up to nine, This was not a good idea. The 
million magic fingers almost electrocuted 
те... lightning bolts shot through my 
flesh into my bones and my legs jerked 
wildly in an imitation of St. Vitus’ dance. 
I yelled at rraywoy and cursed Peter Ken- 
dall and screamed foul things at Miss 
January—but I kept the belts on. Then 
1 vomited. Very aute. А 14-year-old girl 
with two rubber straps lashed to her 
body, jumping around and throwing up. 
rraynoy should have taken a picture of 
that. 


I tried the belts a few more times, but 
the results were always disastrous. So, in 
desperation, I turned to Ex-Lax (I was 
never fat, but Miss January was much 
less fat, and that was all that mattered), 
A girlfriend of mine had told me tha 
you ate a whole 69-cent box of chocolate- 
flavored Ex-Lax and washed it down with 
coffee, you could lose six pounds a day 
So I bought two boxes of chocolate- 
flavored Ex-Lax (Гус never been any 
great shakes on moderation) and ate them 
one morning after breakfast. Like a fool, 
І assumed that because my thighs and 
bottom were the problem, the six pounds 
would come from there. No such luck. І 
lost eight pounds’ worth of water, break- 
fast and lower intestine. 

Obviously, I didn't spend my entire ado- 
lescence trying to look like Miss January. 
But I wasted enough of it to make me 
hate her. I exercised in rubber sweat suits, 
walked around with a quarter stuck be- 
tween my buttocks (the idea is that you 
use а Jot of muscles just trying to keep it 
from falling to the ground at awkward 
moments). І painted my nipples with 
Blush-On, poured gallons of hydrogen 
peroxide on my pubic hair, uying to 
bleach it. And now? Well, now I'm older. 
AIL 1 want now is to be human. But I've 
grown up, and finally stopped trying to 
change my body, and what happens? 
Along comes rraynoy, wanting to photo- 
graph it. 


Hopefully, these pictures are of a real 
honest-to-God in-the-flesh fucked-up-like 
At first I 
1 no to Praynoy, pleading male chau- 
vinism. Finally I said yes in a fit of mis 
sionary zea 
body looks like, I thought to myself. I'll 
be | 
photographer to show me in ай my im 
perfect glory. 

IE I'd been brave enough, I might have 
let Doug Kirkland take pictures of me 
jus before I got my period, when my 
stomach was all bloated. I'd have let him 
take close-ups of my face after I'd been 
crying. with black rivers of mascara run 
ning down my cheeks. Td have sprawled 
out flat оп а rug and let him shoot my 
bottom with a wide-angle lens. I'd have 
let him photograph my skin under hot, 
hard lights, to show all the little bumps of 
imperfection from being exposed to the 
weather. I'd have let him take pictures of 
my pubic hair so that it looked as if it 
smelled of sex, not FDS. 

But maybe I chickened out. When the 
contact sheets came back from the lab. I 
put huge Xs through the pictures that I 
thought made me lock lumpy, However. 
halfway is better than nothing. If you're 14 
and reading this, take solace: You prob- 
ably look a lot better than you think. And 
nobody looks like Miss January. 


everybody-else human being, 


I'll show them what a real 


ауе and outrageous and get the 


Roni 


Has at least 20% more butane 
than other leading disposables 


IL ( 


... and gives many more lights. 


ı Expertly designed by Ronson, 


Ronni holds at least 20% more butane 


to give you many more lights. 
п Safe, Reliable, Durable. 


Fuel supply window tells you at a glance 


how much butane is left. 
Fingertip adjustable flame. . 


Steel win 


m Attractively styled with stainless 


the disposablg butane lighter by RONSON 


\dscreen, in four exciting colors: 


black, red, blue and yellow. 


m Guaranteed by Ronson, 


and lighter accessories. 


low for cigarettes, medium for cigars, 


high for pipes. 


© 1974 Ronson Corporation, U.S.A. Available in Canada. 


World’s largest manufacturer of lighters 


® 
DIFFERENT BY DESIGN AND BETTER BECAUSE OF IT. 


177 


PLAYBOY 


178 


HARD TIMES (continued prom рше 110) 


prices were so depressed th: 
showed itself. 

By the time I was seven, I. too, pulled a 
cotton sack or performed other agrarian 
tortures when not struggling with the 
mysteries of the rural Texas school. Е can- 
not claim to have excessively enjoyed it. 
Indeed. my earliest private vow was to 
escape the farm and all the unrewarding 
toil it provided. I dreamed of running 
away from home but deduced that the 
road might not be a terribly profitable 
place alter seeing streams of hobos hop 
off freight trains on the Texas and ific 
ilroad to fan out in our rural commu- 
nity and beg backdoor food handouts. 
My mother was terrified of them, especial- 
ly when my father might be working i 
some distant fickl or pasture: he cstab- 
lished an old iron bell on the veranda 
id she was under instructions to ring it 
times of peril. I recall my father's being 
ashamed to turn hungry men away, but my 
mother's fear overcame his hum: 
instincts. It was a time of fear. 

T have since heard. or read, the De- 
pression memories of others of my gener- 
on: almost uniformly, they claim not 
to have especially noticed their poverty 
because everyone was in the same boat. 
Ti nowledge did not comfort me: I 
knew we were dirt poor, knew it every 
waking hour, and 1 resented it and hated 
it as some deep personal affront. When 
of the good times— 


litde profit 


aitari: 


—I stewed and grew angry because 
1 could not remember having shared them. 
When school adjourued cach fall for 
crop gathering, 1 despised being part of 

crant cotton-picking crews; we crowd- 
«d like nto es of failed old 
trucks, g from one cotton patch 


а ser 


nother among work.worn parents and 
crying kids. I hated going from door 
10 door with my mother in Cisco on Satur- 
days. trying to sell eggs or vegetables to 
people I imagined to be rich. I envied 
their radios, cars, telephones and other 
superiorities. Bile sloshed in my innards 
when the high school football team 
played on Friday afternoons and found 
me short of the ten-cent admission price, 
ad those of us without the wherewithal 
were herded into the tiny school library 
for guarding while our luckier compa 
ped gaily off to the big game. 
Pride gocth before a mighty fall; " my 
mother quoted in an effort to make me 
accept the realities. But I became а 
quarrelsome kid. full of hates and a 
gressions. onc likely to explode into 
fistfights or pointless rages. 

That we ate well, by raising our ow 
hogs and chickens and cows. did not sat 
fy the urge for coins to click: There sim- 
ply was no money: few people had coins 
of their own with which to buy our sur- 
plus products. [heard my worried parents 
talk at night, when they thought young 
ars were deaf in sleep, about the impossi- 
bility of new shoes ov new dothes or а new 
plow. I eavesdropped while my father 
and his angry contemporaries in their 
ded blue-duck overalls cursed the banks 
and threatened violence should mortgages 
be foreclosed or secd-crop loans be denied. 
Sometimes 1 would find my father stand- 
ing on the porch or in the yard staring 
blankly into space, and the expression 
оп his face frightened me. There were 
stretches when he might be gone for da 
riding horseback through the countryside 
in search of stumps 10 grub or horses to 
shoe or any odd jobs that might contrib- 
ute a dollar. As often as not, he returned 


"Mr. Royston soon runs out of small talk.” 


with nothing to show: I began to dread 


his returns for the fresh new despi 
produced 

Alter such disappointments, my mother 
privately lectured me to make something 
of myself: to seek an education and some 
gue main chance, to get up and get out 
aS soon as nature and circumstance per- 
mitted. to find some yellow-brick road. 1 
had the notion that she somchow blamed. 
my father, though I didn't think it quite 
fair. My father preached harsh sermons 
against The Goddamn Republ 
learned, early on, that they were rich to 
the very last in number and didn't give 

shit for the To this day. I 
feel obscurely guilty about once having 
voted for one. 


they 


8 to register for Franklin 
election in 1932; four 


years later, however, E kuew that ever 
sive The Goddamn Repul 


he kept h month, while 
a vital $25 came home to the family) and 
for my father to find occasional. paydays 
improving country roads or building out- 
door privies under the sponsorship of the 
Works Progress Administration. 
Incellectually, I cannot now quarrel 
with contentions that for all F.D.R.'s 
pump priming, America did nor truly re- 
cover Great Depression blues un- 
til that fullemployment boom provided 
by World War Two. But you cannot con- 
vince me that all the midnight schemes of 
the brain trusters went for nought or that 
the paper shufflings of the New Deal's 
alphabet-soup agencies failed to make im- 
portant improvements or contributions. 
In addition to the tangibles—jobs, new 
schools and other useful edifices, emer- 
gency food and dothing—the New Deal 
brought hope where no hope had lived, 
And it brought the faint promise, at least, 
of a better tomorrow. When hope was all 
you had, it was worth much morc than the 
dry and distant recapitulations of histo- 
rians ca later. generations under- 


med at school that F.D.R. 
would be making yet another of his “fire- 
t was my bounden duty to 
ake the word home. After a hur 


who had embled for the latest 
word from the new messiah. Those were 
vital gatherings. the adults listening so 
intently that even the most high-spirited 
child knew not to require shushing. I 
clung to every word the man said, and 
though I didn't understand much of 
1 was comforted by the sound and roll. 

Afterward—when Roosevelt's confident 
voice had wished us good night—while 
popom and parched peanuts were 
passed around, the old  snulf-dipping 


THREE GOOD REASONS TO BE 


A PLAYBOY CLUB KEYHOLDER. 


WINTER... 


As a Playboy Club keyholder, 
you can take winter, or leave 
it. Take it at its best and take 
to our ski slopes! The Lake 
Geneva Club-Hotel offers a 
20-acre ski area with six 
slopes, two chair lifts, tows, our 
own ski school and a chalet 
with a view of the action. And 
there's always great skiing at 
the Great Gorge/Vernon Valley 
Ski Area adjacent to the Club- 
Hotel, with slopes for the nov- 
ice or expert, eight chair lifts 
and lighted runs for night ski- 
ing. Or leave winter far behind 
and head for our place in the 
sun, the Jamaica Playboy 
Club-Hotel. It's nes- 
tled into a quiet bay 
fringed with white 
sand.Theseais clear 


Clip and mail today. 
TO: PLAYBOY CLUBS INTERNATIONAL, INC. 
Playboy Building, 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, III. 60611 

Gentlemen: Please send me an application for my personal Key. 


AND THE SEASONS 
IN BETWEEN. 

All year, you're a welcome 
guest at every Playboy Club. 
You'll find great food and 
drink, bright entertainment and 
a congenial atmosphere. As a 
credit keyholder, you're also 
assured charge privileges at 
our intown hotel, the Playboy 
Towers in Chicago (and at 
all Playboy Club-Hotels). But 
there's another reason to 
become a Playboy Club key- 
holder. All it costs is $25. 


SUMMER... 


The season for sports-minded 
keyholders at Playboy! Our two 
magnificent Club-Hotels—one 
at Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, 
and the other at Great Gorge, 
McAfee, New Jersey—are well- 
known by some of the best 
golfers around the country. At 
Great Gorge, you'll tee off on 
one of the most challenging 
27-hole golf layouts on the 
Eastern Seaboard. At Lake 
Geneva, choose from two 18- 
hole championship courses. 
And at either location, you can 
change pace with a fast set of 
tennis, ride horseback across 
miles of wooded trails, swim 


indoors or out. At a 
Playboy Club-Hotel, 
you can keep busy. 
Or simply relax in 


and warm. And win- Name —— = = the kind of luxury 
TA (please print) " 
ter's just a rumor. Adres S Las = we're famous for. 
сиу. Stale. Zip. 


LOCATIONS: 
Atlanta • Baltimore e 
Boston (Playboy of 
Boston) » Chicago (Club 
and Playboy Towers 
Hotel) * Cincinnati * 
Denver • Detroit e 

Great Gorge. McAfee, New 
Jersey (Club-Hotel) « 
Jamaica (Club-Hotel) e 


U.S. initial Key fee Is $25. Canadian initial Key fee is $25 Canadian. 
Initial Key fee includes a year of VIP, the Club's quarterly magazine. 
You will be billed for your $10 Annual Key Fee at the close of your 
first year аз a keyholder. Minimum age for a credit Key is 21. 

O Bill me for $25 on my monthly statement. 

D Enclosed find check or money order for $25 payable to Playboy 
Clubs International, Inc. 

ÛÎ 1 wish only information about The Playboy Club. 


Kansas City • Lake 
Geneva, Wisconsin 
(Club-Hotel) « London, 
England » Los Angeles e 
Manchester, England + 
Miami • Montreal « New 
Orleans e New York e. 
Phoenix » Portsmouth, 
England » St. Louis e 
San Francisco 


ABSCA 


179 


PLAYBOY 


180 relations! 


farmers would wave their arms and sa 
By gum, now, Clyde, that feller Rusa- 
velt; he's got some good ideers; why, 1 
wouldn't be a-tall surprised if colton went 
up! Yessir! Then they would make their 
bitter jokes about Hoover steak (rabbits 
or squirrels) or Hoover cars (mule-drawn 
wagons) or Hoover cake (corn bread or 
biscuit), and surely some old nester— 
his eyes growing mischiel—would say 
something like / tole my ole woman 
Vother day that 1 figger the Depression's 
purtnear over "cause 1 seen a jack rabbit 
runnin’ down the road and they wasn’t no 
more than three [elles chasin’ it. The 
would explode in rough laughter, th 
the sharper edges momentarily knocked 
off their fear. Uncle Tal Horn and Old 
Man Parks might commence sawing on 
their fiddles—playing Gorton-Eyed. Joe 
or Buffalo Gals or Old Joe Glarh—while 
feet tapped, children squealed and for a 
litle while you could forget those new 
burdens soon to come up with the sun. 
Remembering all that, 1 have 
ly caused severe social emb: 
over the years should some academic 
dandy or cretin ideolog look too smug and 
well fed in contending that F.D.R. was the 
opiate of the masses and delivered the 
ases not: Some things you just can't 
put a price rag on. I particularly recall 
ig all splutiery and inarticulate in the 
с of John Kenn albraith, War- 
g Prolesor of Economics at Harv: 


а few years ago, when some dini 
siid over fine wine 
sponse ro my Depr 
why didn’t your family move elsewhere 
where opportunities might have been 
greater?” He was а young professor, and I 
have despaired of the Ivy League from 
that moment. 

А woman named Caroline Bird wrote 
a fine hook about the Depression and per- 
fectly titled it The Invisible Sear: her 
theory ran that many of us shall go to our 
graves deeply wounded in our psyches by 
those have-not years. She's right as v 
My mother is in her 805 now, living in 
that misty nether world where yesteryear 
is more real than this living moment: 
less Шап а year ago, T saw her cry anew 
in relating her deep hurt when my older 
brother went off to а ССС сатр being 
plished in distant Arizona: “We had 
two dollars and a dime. I tried to give 
Weldon a dollar, but he wouldn't take 
it. He struck oll across the pasture, walkin" 
cight miles to. Cisco to catch а Govern- 
- and it neatly killed me 10 see 
him go without a nickel in his pocket. 1 
cried a long time after he was out of 
ighi.” 

That brother is my senior by 15 years; 
though E worshiped him as a kid brother 
will, I grew extremely tired of he 
from others how he had dropped out of 
high school to wash dishes in a calé 
that E might he bought 
vival milk. No doubt it has colored our 
through life: I was much 


ing 


older than 1 should have been before I 
could fully appreciate his sacrifice, sim 
ply because the guilt was too much. In 
deed, I hardly had come of legal age when 
I provoked a fight with him in order to 
declare my independence. Not until I was 
nearing 30 did 1 forgive him for all he'd 
done for me. 

As a young man in his 
paying jobs, 1 was torn between 
instinct to instruct unreasonable, 
ing boses to go screw themselves and а 
deep unspoken fear that should I lose that 
job. I might not find another. It was a 
thing I noted among many of my genera 
tion. They suffered dull mulework, per- 
formed overtime without compen 
and paled in the company of irascible su- 
pervisors: No matter that they then fune 
tioned in the post-World W wo boom 
id had the added sweetener of a record 
local oil-based prosperity. Several old com- 
I am certain, limited their ca- 
reer opportunities out of fear that should 
they fail in new adventures, they might 
find themselves on the street. Some 
now, when th ud the moon 
they grouse in their cups of having been 
born in the wrong time. One old friend 
actually gav rly celebrating the tardy 
cath of Herbert Hoover, who long had 
1 past hurting him. Though mildly 
ght have attended had 1 


It is good, I suppose, that cach succeed: 
ing generation. has difficulty transmitting 
its darker experiences to the next. Thus, 
fresh hope is not stillborn, people dare to 
dream and the young are free to take 
those foolish risks and. experimentations 
necessary to the full life. But whether at 
tempting to replant their [ears in a new 
generation or honestly hoping to help the 
Young avoid their own mistakes, parents 
have а way of harping or preaching on 
their own private dreads; as these dreads 
are the product of their own histories, 


their children—of another time and 
place—cannot. identity. It was madden- 
ing, when I chastised my own children for 


wasting food or time or opportunity, to 
ultimately comprehend that m 
Depression. sermons were accepted 
nothing more than the private preoccu- 
patious of an old fossil. They humored 
me along, sometimes exchanging quick se- 
cret smiles, but I knew they could no 
more envision bread lines or fa 
or one third of a nation ill fed, ill housed 
and ill clothed than I might understand 
the gibberings of some lite green Ма 
tian. They are products of the affluent 
society and сап imagine no other. 

For all my occasional uses of the De- 
presion in making the obligatory pa 
rental preachments, I did mot nuly 
think—for years—that it would be possi 
ble to Indeed. as a young 
man working on Capitol Hill, I had the 
nces of the late Sp 


nother. 


personal assur 


hideaway office in the Capitol Building. 
where the fortunate might be invited to 
attend what he called meetings of “the 
board of education,” the old man said of 
ikers and businessmen who had the 
temerity to vote Republican, “Why, 
Roosevelt saved the bastards; he fixed it 
things can't ever go bust again. He put in 
laws propping up the economy and hc 
saved those bastards, and now they don't 
appreciate it" I believed him, for had 
not Rayburn personally sponsored dozens 
of F.D.R.s bills in Congress? And was not 
booming? It was a time when few 
s questioned the authority of 
ty: а time when myths were for 
promoting and old bad dreams were for 
forgetting. We were almost a decade away 
from that time when we might begin to 
suspect that many of our problems might 
be beyond quick solutions or that the 
answers might not always repose in the 
back of the book. In Rayburn's time, we 
could not im that day when the oil- 
producing nations not only would cease 
snatching off their hais in Uncle Sam's 
presence--mighty, unconquerable Unde 
Sam, who always won his wars and ruled 
over the quintessen state— 
Dut would actually back him against the 
1 and then shake a finger in his face. 
The time had not yet come when Europe 
would suspect the dollar and puzzled 
ists would find themselves 
we sud- 
wasn't preferred. 


in foreign ports be 


more than a year now, we've lived 
with the uncasy notion that certain exte 
nal events may be beyond the economic 
control of Washington or Wall Street— 
unless we are willing to risk ап uncon- 
trollable and unconscionable war. No- 
body's saying war out loud from public 
podia in Washington these days, but there 
are mutterings: those who understand that 
wars ате fought more for material gain 
than for those more ethereal reasons found 
in wartime i must have had the 
dark unthinkable thought even before 
President Ford and Hemy Kissinger be- 
gan “ the oil-producing, nations 
of the dangers inherent in their profits. 
Given Watergate, the oil crisis and a 
general confusion, the stock market has 
gone into its dizziest and most prolonged 
plunge the time of Hooverville 
E soup kitchens; my older 
nightmares have come back. into fash 
1 fear that it can happen here. 
ably will. if it hasn't already Remember 
the last Great Depression was well under 
way before people lulled by periodic up- 
surges and hopeful false prophets felt its 
true bite. 

Morose thoughts, indeed, for one who 
knows that midtown Manhattan doesn't 
look like a good place to stake à cow and 
who knows, 100, that fireside chats are 
ikely to comfort as they did 


icr time. 


toric 


м 


since 


es and 


ge Bandcroft? Never heard of him. 


You've got the wrong number." 


" Bundcro[t? Geor 


181 


182 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


AIRING YOUR BEDDING 
"Like a spare bedroom in а bag,” claim the manufacturers of Inflate-A- 
Bed (World Products, 5410 East 23rd Street, Kansas City, Missouri), 
which they say offers the coziness of feathers, the support of springs and 
the sensuousness of water without any of said ingredients. Not your 
everyday boyscout-camp air mattress, Inflate-A-Bed boasts air-coil 
construction and a nonclammy flocked surface that takes to water 
like a lily pad. Furthermore, it’s available in three colors, three 
sizes (twin, double and queen) and costs only $59.95 to $79.95. 
You fill it from a canister-type vacuum and hope for the best. Ker-splash. 


IN THE WORKS 
You want information on cross- 
country bus fares, you call 
Greyhound, right? Need info on 
your retirement benefits, call 
Social Security, right? Sure, or 
you can also get said dope— 
plus the ABCs of desert survival, 
auto repairs, mildew removal, 
the formula for determining the 
number of bricks needed to 
build a wall and the recipe for 
Lima Bean Creole—in a hefty 
tome called Public Works (Links 
Books, $10) that’s available at 
your local bookstore. What distin- 
guishes Public Works from just 
another how-to guide is the fact 
that most of the material includ- 
ed has been legally ripped off 
from the U. S. Government, plus 
+ other sources, such as the Univer- 
sity of Alaska and New York 
Radical Feminists. Public Works 
runs 1024 pages, and it's laced 
with illustrations ranging from 
instructions to 19th Century 
engravings. Instant expertise for 
$10—how can you go wrong? 


THE JOY OF SEXTANTS 
It’s nice to know that in this day and 
age of digital readout timepieces and 
instant-developing cameras, there's still a 
source for items of historical technology, 
such as huge tripod telescopes and spy- 
glasses, ancient navigational instruments, 
fabulous brass microscopes and other pre- 
cision-made goodies from bygone 

eras. The place to write to is Historical 
Technology at 6 Mugford Street, 
Marblehead, Massachusetts, enclosing a 
buck for its catalog number 110, 

which will be hot off the press in late 
spring. Believe us, the objects to be 
induded will blow your mind—and the 
same goes for your bank balance. 


POP ART 
With the economy flagging and food 
sources dwindling, why not do something 
meaningful—like give the one you love 
(or hate) a chocolate lollipop made in the 
likeness of your face? The die (done from 
your photo) costs $50 and each pop is 50 
cents (minimum order: 120), from Astor 
Chocolate Corporation, 48-25 Metropoli- 
tan, Brooklyn, New York. You might even 
wish to include a message—such as Eat Ме! 


FOUND MONEY 

NUKE KNACK Let's face it. The one thing you've wanted in 
ЕЕЕ нту life more than fame, fortune and sex is to 
were you cam send a nuclear see your bathroom on television. Now that dream 
missile through the mail. How? | can bea reality, not only for your bathroom but 
By joining Flying Búfalo Inc. for your kitchen, bedroom or living room as 
(P. О. Box 1467, Scottsdale, well. Location Finders (200 W. 51st Street, New 
Arizona), a computer com- York) specializes in scouting out unusual settings 
mum diss гаас neri for advertisements and commercials. The lights, 
mail games. They provide cameras and action might be inconvenient, А 
Be cures te opponi end. but Location Finders has developed an ingenious 
ire semel san ala way of assuaging these problems—money. 
send them your moves at three Depending on how long the setting is needed, 
dollars or more per game it will pay you 5200 to $1000 for its use. 
(15 cents for game rules). The Now take a long, hard look at your pad. 
games they moderate are 
Nuclear Destruction, Time y a = 
Trap, Board of Directors 
and others. If you're an im- 
patient warmonger, you 
can even play a blitz game 
that's faster. Blast off! 


UNSQUARE T 
For all you latent delinquents who're longing for an open-hooded, 
souped-up roadster in which to terrorize the populace, here's your 
chance. Total Performance Inc. (406 S. Orchard Street, Route 5, 
Wallingford, Connecticut) is manufacturing a replica ofa 1993 
Model T that comes equipped with a new Chevy engine, sealed 
electrical system, Naugahyde upholstery and spoke wheels. It's 
yours—along with a face full of wind—for only $5995. Take 
it to the drive-in and watch the teeny-boppers turn green. 


PRIZE BOOBIES 


At first glance, you may think that the pillow 
shown here is the handiwork of some sleazy 
porno emporium. But, in truth, its manufacturers 
are two little old ladies operating A&M Ent 
prises at 120 S. Route 83, in Grayslake, Шіпо! 
Their product, The Sensuous Pyramid Pillow, 
is available for $15 (including postage) in a 
variety of colors, with contrasting tips. And yes, 
girls, they've also pillowed a portion of the 
male anatomy. It, too, is fully stuffed. 


FROG MAN 
The latest in mail-order 
madness comes from Richard 
Mitchell, an artist who's 
formed an eroticserigraph-of- 
the-month club called Frog 
Prints, at P. O. Box 203, 
assboro, New Jersey. 
month, Mitchell is offering 
а $30 limited-edition bit of 
naught 
rekindle a spark in your jaded 
old eyes. The name of Mitch- 
«ЇЇ company, incidentally, 
comes from a series of prints he 
once did in which a frog 
serviced a maiden in truly 
wondrous ways. Rivvit! 


h 


PLAYBOY 


Up out of ZOQT (ono pug: s0) 


beer on the shoulder of the road, He had 
seen hundreds and hundreds of them, 
but in this case, the triangular puncture 
was still wet. He stopped the bike and 
remained perfectly still and listened. 
After a while, he shouted. "Anybody 
home?" Nothing answered. "Then, across 
the gully at the left, he saw three pairs of 
men's shorts and several socks hanging 
on a plastic line: and they were dripping 
wet, too. 

Bernal's whole future now forked in 
two directions. He could choose to pene- 
trate this canyon toward the radar domes 
or he could choose to forget it. He and 
Sarah were not alone anymore and had 
never been. 

He chose to pedal slowly away. But as 
he began to coast again, downhill, he was 
attacked by an aging yellow-brown dog. 
Getting off his bike, Bernal removed the 
bag of groceries and beat the animal back 
by swinging the bicycle basket. The strug- 
gle had the isolating intensity of sex. 
Bernal won: He got the furious animal 
pinned under the basket and his right 
foot held him safely down. The dog was 
some sort of cross between a beagle and a 
terrier: with whitening eyebrows and 
many missing teeth, and whimpering now. 

Bernal looked np: Against the sun was 
a man with a weapon, slowly coming 


toward him. He had a scant beard and a 
spotted camouflage uniform and he w: 
grinning. The submachine gun was slung 
round one shoulder and aimed at Ber- 
s chest. 
‘Shit, I got to be dreaming,” said the 
man. He wore a headband but no hat- 
His eyes, whose irises were almost as pale 
as the whites, made him look like a half- 
blind albino. 
Bernal said 
you ples 
rst get your shit heel off my fucking 


“Pur down that gun, would 


told his dog he 
would kill him unless he quit snarling. 
The dog retreated, growling bitterly. 
Bernal took the basket and walked away 
and was putting it on the bike, when 
something leaped on his back, crying and 
screaming and hugging him. Bernal shook 
him off, finally. There were tears running 
down the man’s face; he said he was Staff 
Sergeant Kahnmeister and he spelled it 
for him, still sobbing. Overcome again, 
he hugged Bernal once more and then 
shook hands. He kept saying, “Fanfuck- 
intastic!” He wanted to know if Bernal 
had anything good to eat in the grocery 
Dag. 

“Ice cream. You w some?” 

‘The soldier tore it open and began to 


m thinking of having my tooth capped.” 


eat it straight from the pack. At the same 
time, he began to talk. It poured out of 
him, as out of a prisoner just released 
from solitary. He said when the war be- 
gan. the red phone rang and they—he 
and his technical crew of six men—were 
ordered to fire the weapon out of its con- 
crete silo. But it didn't fire, so he asked 
for volunteers to go down the 110-foot lad- 
der into the reinforced pit and see what 
was wrong: "A Ісак, or what the fuck. 
Ihe rocket was rumored to be loaded 
with some biological poison, so nobody 
would volunteer, They suggested he do 
it himself. “Shit on that old shit, 1 told 
them." But he did it, anyway. He put on а 
fire-control suit and took 2 mongrel 
ppy with him. “In case the poor cock- 
sucker started to dic, I was going to haul 
my tail out of there.” But it was stifling 
down below and he couldn't find the mal- 
function; when he came up for air, the 
other men were sprawled in the sunny 
gravel: not bloody, simply d 
"The enemy, Bernal expla 
had much the same weapon. 
said Kahnmcister, 
"and I went down again, and so fast I 
left my shit behind." He staved down in 
the silo for several days, breathing from 
the oxygen tank on his back at the slowest 
possible rate and sharing ntervals, 
with the puppy. They divided the K bis- 
cuits between them. but when his canteen 
of water was exhausted, he had no choice 
He took 
at aston- 
ishment, he ight, and 
the first thing Kahnmeister did was look 
up at the sky. “Shit, I expected there'd be 
no fucking stars left up there. But there 
were. I fell down and aed like a baby.” 
‘There was still some ice cream left in 
the corners of the carton, and n- 
meister unfolded the cardboard and gave 
it to his old dog to lick clean. 
“IE the two of us, fuck, we're 
maybe there's others, hey, ma: 
“No,” said Bernal. 
"How do you know? Could fucking. 
well be. Fucking Chir Fucking Aus- 


ned to him. 


agr 


ill alive, 


‘Absolutely not.” He told Kahnmeister 
about the short-wave d the 11- 
year silence. 

"Still. shit. you came through. How 
the fuck did you come through?” 

"] was on vacation at the beach. Fish- 
ing, with compressed air for my helmet. 
Under water, I didn't realize what was 
happening till I came up on shor 

"Shit, man, it’s two fucking 

“Well,” Bernal said, finall 


йо a 


Where the fuck you live?” 
‘On the coast.” And he got back on 


hnmeister made him describe the 
place in demil, “Hell, T know where that 
is. Just a couple of miles south of the 
Marine range. Lousy fucking fishing.” 


“It's better now," Bernal said defen- 

sively. 

hit, I'm coming with you, brother 
IH pump, you get in the basket. I used 
to rhle a bifuckincycle when I was a kid. 
You never forget that апу more than you 
forget how to shit." 

But Bernal wouldn't do it that way. 
He let Kahnmeister and his gun and his 
dog ride aamped up double in the bas- 
ket. The Marine never quit talking. He 
d that till all the gas in military stor- 
с had been used, he'd explored for miles 
around, rolling across country in a jeep. 
He'd even gone as far as Los Angeles 
and went through the bank vaults, most 
of which opened every day at ten AM: 
he had accumulated a fortune in jewelry. 

“What for?” said Bernal. 

“Fuck my shit if I know,” Kahnmeister 
admitted. 

They had coasted down from the hills 
and now entered a stretch of desert. It 
had been a wet winter and patches of 
lavender flowers illuminated the dust. 

Kahnmeister said, "How the fuck is it 
only the plants came through and noth- 
ing else? 

Bernal explained: “The gas combined 
with the blood, so the ar als were all 
strangled.” 

“Don't plants breathe?” 

“Not oxygen," said Bernal, somewhat 
contemptuously. 

"What about fish? I've seen fish 
plenty of them. You must be giving me 
a lot of fucking shi 

“Poison didn't bother them—they were 
under water,” said Bernal, And then he 
added, “And so was I.” He was about to 
mention his daughter but didn’t; and it 
was perhaps at that moment that he made 
his decision. 

then, from a bush of dry, deadly 
oleanders, as they wheeled past, a small 
cloud of blue butterflies rose up in panic. 
Bernal was a litde frightencd; he said 
maybe a few eggs had survived deep in- 


sa 


е а cave and had been blown or 
washed out. But the sight made Kahn 
meister drunk with joy. He had сеп noth 
ing of the kind since the war. If there 
were butterllies, there might be bats. Or 
birds. And if there were birds, maybe 
there were cats. Or coyotes. Or even deer. 
“Man, if I found me a deer, I swear T 
would have a great old time for myself 
before I cooked it for dinner 

Bernal found himself growing increas- 
ingly irritated by Kahnmeister's fantasies. 

“We'll find a fucking boat and take 
off around the world. You and me. Fuck 
it, there's got to be some little old gal on 
Hula Boola Wackie Shackie Island just 
dying for cight inches of the best I just 
can't shit believe there isn't. Women my 
experience, they are so fucking tough, 
they will survive where a crocodile 
would crack his ass. Mama mia! You 
and те... - 

Bernal stopped the bike. Little whirl 
winds of gritty dust roamed slowly. like 


Alive 


with pleasure! 
Newport 


Afterall, 

if smoking isn't 
a pleasure, 
why bother? 


Warning The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


185 


PLAYBOY 


185 drowsy; and as he | 


sunburned 


veiled dancers, across the 
landscape. 

“Fuck’s the matter?” 

“Little tired,” said Bernal. 

"You want me to pedal? I 
fucking hint. You don't have to run a 
flag up my ass." The Marine unfolded 
himself from the basket. pur down his 
dog and then his gun, both very gently. 
and went to take a carclul pee in the 
stone-dry roadside ditch. 

“Fucking sanitation,” he apologized. 
“They got it drilled into my head, shit, 1 
do it automatically.” The dog went, mo- 
se and humble, to sniff at his master's 
legs. Bernal didn't move into the basket; 
could not, in fact, until Kahnmeister 
came back from the ditch and got astride 
the seat. But the Marine was having some 
sorr of difficulty. He said, "Look at this 
peter, he's gor a mind all his own. Shit. 


when we find that woman, she can be a 
pig with four horns 


d hair on her tits. 
but this peter is going to take one look 
and blow his fucking mind, which it’s 
been so long, Christ Almighty, I think 1 
had my last piece in Diego eleven fucking 
shitass years ago. Oh, brother! Find us a 
un, we can start the whole thing all 
again, but this time, we're going to 
1 fine, shit, I tell you.” 

Bernal, waiting beside the bike, put 
one foot on the left pedal and swung over 
as he leaned down, hard. He was 30 yards 
away before Kahnmeister realized he was 
being abandoned. He ran after him, but 
Bernal, putting all his fury into the ef 
fort, was up over the rise and down a 
long, steeply curving road. The Marine 
made the mistake of running back then 
to grab the submachine gun from the 
ground 

Behind him, Bernal heard the screech 

and report of Kahnmeister’s volleys. 
They were far off the mark. The dog, 
though, w: curate and persist- 
ent. He came raging alongside Bernal, 
who pulled off the useless bicycle pump 
from the crossbar and, still pedaling. 
leaned over to thrash the animal bloody 
id senseless. 
Coasting downhill the next couple of 
hundred yards, he had a terrible fright, 
for looming up on the road was another 
monster of some red sort, with four eyes 
glaring at him: But these were broken 
headlights flashing in the sun. It was 
ply an abandoned convertible, with the 
roof cracked open by the seasons: and a 
distorted human face glaring from be- 
hind the windshield: the driver whose 
strangling death had swung it off the 
road long ago. 

A mile past this relic, his thighs knotted 
with pain and he literally fell off the 
bike in exhaustion, He crawled over into 
the narrow shade of a phone pole. He 
tried to figure out how far he was from 
the sea. The fatigue of safety made him 
n to sleep, his 


more 


mind was drawn back to his obsessive 
problem. * ‘And it came to pass, when 
men began to multiply on the face of the 
earth, and daughters were born unto 
them, that the sons of Ged saw the daugh- 
ters of men that they were fa 

One should, of course, fulfill the inten- 
tion of God; but how was one to know 
His intention? For there was no doubt 
that all the races of humanity were no 
damned good; crazy, in fact. All those 
wars, murders, assaults, rapes, assass 
tions; the cruelty of parents to their ch 
dren, and of the children, when they 
were grown large enough, to their white- 
haired and arthritic parents; of one creed 
to another; faction against faction; belief 
against belief; street against street often 
enough; or the wife digging love in a 
rented bed and the husband breaking his 
fist on her face; the youug whores sellin 
one orifice or another at the going rate, 
pimps sucking the moncy back 
alation; of men embracing men, 
nd women, women; and everywhere the 
unimaginable made real. And all of this 
was wiped out in a war of 30 minutes at 
most. It wasa Divine High Colonic, purg- 
ing all the filth out of the world. 

But did He, Author of man, rea 
mean His work to perish? 

Bernal slept in this dilemma, woke after 
sunset, rode a little farther in the da 
ness, rested again, opened the bag of 
groceries and ate a whole box of salted 
crackers and, much later, drank and 
washed at one of the Los Angeles reser- 
voir, where the moon floated, a dead 
world long ago. He got to the coast by 
сапу morning but was still a couple of 
miles south of his beach house. The sun 
had not come up by the time he scram- 
bled down the slope of the cliff, The sea 
was shrunk down by a wall of rolling mist. 
He walked toward his whitewashed house 
and called ош, "Sarah! I'm home!” She 
nswer; asleep, probably. The first 
curious thing he noticed was that all the 
windows were smashed. There were rows 
of bullet holes, too, in the wooden siding. 
He ran crouching to the porch and 
reached up to get his fishing harpoon. 

He pushed the front door open with 
his foot and shouted, “АП right, soldier 
I'm not going to hurt you. Come on out. 
And wh he waited, the 
spring as tight as he could. There was no 
sound, no movement inside. He went into 
the cool house, probing the relative dark- 
ness with the saw-tooth point. His bed- 
room, first on the right, was empty. In 
nts of a 
meal: ash and a 
piece of fried potato on the floor. In the 
bathroom, which led off the kitchen, there 
was one of Sarah’s pink knit shirts; it had 
been torn nearly in half at the V. 

He ran—pure anger made his foot- 
steps springy and light—and kicked open 
the door to Sarah's room. The bed had 
been neatly made up. He looked through 


lly 


he wound 


the kitchen, there were remna 
canned corned-beef h 


ed window onto the beach. 
There, led to a thin, twisted, salt- 
bleached upright polc of driftwood, was a 
piece of purple note paper, a box of 
which he had gotten long ago from Sea 
View for Sarah's tenth birthday and 
which she used, for a couple of years, to 
write letters to imaginary people. Was 
this a message of thar kind? 

Bernal swung himself out of the win- 
dow and crossed the beach. There were 
automobile tire marks but no car. Bernal 
pulled the note down off the pole; it was 
vibrating in the sea wind like a butter- 
fly. The messag “Dear Dad, Charley 
and I are going to Kelly's Wonderland 
for a day or so. We were so hungry we ate 
all the beef. But 1 cooked some chili beans 
for you on the stove. Love and kisses.” 

“Who the fuck is Charley?” First it 
stuck him that here he was, talking 
humeister’s language; and only then 
did he understand that Charley might 
just possibly be Kalinmeister's first па 

He went back into thc 
chopped off and 
biscuit and some 
noticed the cloth bag on а chair: It was 
full of jeweled rings, brooches, necklaces, 
liberated hy K г, no doubt, out 
of bank deposit boxes; or maybe out of 
the homes of dead, dry abitants. Ber- 
nal, keeping the doth bag, ran out and 
hurled the jewelry, like so many stones, 
deep into the glittering sea. 

But he found himself unable to think 
in any but a circular fashion, What he 
should do—or should have done—was 
forbidden by every human society; 
should the whole species therefore 
Kahnmeister had арр 
from this dilemma, yet the Marine was 
the very monster who would perpetuate 
the «nities of the human animal. It 
would be right to try to kill Kahnmeister. 
Yet if he succeeded, then he, Bernal, 
would be thrust back into the dilemma of 
sin or survival. 

He went up the cliff and began to bi- 
cycle inland. He reached Kelly's Wonder- 
land and cycled around the leaning arch 
of the gate and through the Villages of 
the World. There was no sign of Sarah 
nor Kahnmeister. Up above, on the Al- 
pine Lift, numbers of parched, preserved 
customers still looked down out of the 
curved windows of the monorail car. 

Walking back into the main concourse, 
he heard a somber, clear, measured 
voice: “When in the course of human 
events. ЖЫ; 
in the mouth of a rhythmically rearing 
horse; nothing as cheap as marble, of 
course, but colored and textured. poly- 
ethylene; and equally real, or more than 
real, a tricorne-hatied Thomas Jefferson. 
high and noble im the saddle. Just be- 
yond, in the moving shadow, he saw 
Kahnmeister’s back; the Marine was eat- 
ing caramel corn by the handful and 
grinning at Sarah, who was dimbing up 


me from a loud-speaker 


“Ralph, Рос been waiting to get you in a good mood. 
I want a divorce.” 


187 


PLAYBOY 


188 


behind Tom Jefferson and now embraced 
his flexible figure vigorously. She wore 
loops of diamonds and her hands were 
spotted with rubies and emeralds on all 
ten fingers. Off in the middle distance 
was the red Plymouth with the split roof. 
Jefferson continued, “Hold these truths 
to be self-evident, that all men. . . .” 
Kahnmeister began to pull Sarah down 
off the automaton; she laughed as she 
wrestled with him. Bernal ran forward 
then with his fishing harpoon. He shout- 
ed, “Sarah, get away! Get away from 
him! 
Poppa! Don't be silly!” And she 
screamed as her father came up. Kahn- 
ster dove for the ground at the first 
. Caramel corn spilled out of the 
box and under Bernal's feet. The sprung 
blade cut across Kahnmeister's spotted 
uniform, grazing diagonally, slitting open 
the fabric. Blood rose all along the super- 
ficial wound, Jefferson was saying. “The 
pursuit of happiness, . . .” Sarah picked 
up the expended blade while Kah 
meister ran, crouching and blood bright, 
to the ked Plymouth and unlocked 
d got the gun out of the tru 
“Don't fight, please don't figh 


shouted, first to one man, then the other. 

"Shit, that mother's trying to kill me. 

“Poppa, run!” 

‘The sunlight glittered everywhere like 
enamel. Jefferson said, in his grave, com- 
passionate voice, “Right of the people to 
alter or to abo 

Bernal had run back into the Photo 
Future Р; Kahnmeister, with the 
automatic weapon in both hands, went 
after him through in entrance. 
The interior was q ‚ except for 
the display. On а sort of low stage was a 
laser holographic exhibit: Fred Astaire 
cing with Ginger Rogers. Smiling, 
thin, astonishingly small, Fred, with 1 
laughing and his long Ame 
chin, was poised in middeap, a foot and 
alf in the air, his feet in their 
aculatc shoes twisted side: 
Ginger pressed both hands in restraint 
ol the pleated skirt flar 
frozen turn. Both wi 
in dark space, br 


"Ri 


ilion. 


eyes 
a im- 


n to onc 


dimensional, utterly real and quite trans- 
parent. 
Bernal ran through their projected 


bodies, heading for the back схі 
to throw off such 


Jefferson outside, Kahnmeister knelt in 


“By George, you're 
right, it does look like two spiders balling 
on a peanut-butier sandwich! And look at this one! 
This one looks like two frogs making it on 


a manhole cove 


the auditorium and fired two short bursts. 
Neither one struck Bernal, but bits of 
green plaster exploded from the back 
wall. Bernal reached the rear exit, 
ked with a glowing sign, and was just 
trying to open the door. It was stiff from 
long disuse. Kahnmeister fired again. The 

inc jammed and Kalnmeister, cy- 
* pricd out the faulty 
Ige. As the cylinder of brass fell to 
soft yet metallic thud, he 
exhalation more of surprise 


He moved forward about three steps, 
the gun clattering and boum 
on the soundproof floor. Sarah was just 
behind him and the harpoon stuck out of 
his back as he fell 

Bernal turned in the exit; and then, for 
a long minute, the triangle—two living, 
one dying—remained immobile, exactly 
like Fred and Ginger, who showed no 
emotion, either. 

They left Kahnmeister where he'd 
fallen and Sarah let herself be guided 
out of the building. Then Bernal went 
back in and retrieved the gun and the 
harpoon, He tied the bike to the torn 
roof and started the Plymouth and they 
drove back in the afternoon to the beach 
"m so sad. 


house. Sarah kept sa 
I'm so sad.” 


ed room for 


a her 
lays. Bernal left food for her on 


lone 


T window she were a bi 
but she ate nothing. He remained on the 
d the Bible once more from 


got up out of bed and looked at the sea, 
She remembered an old candy bar in the 
top drawer of the ereen-enamel bureau 
in her room. She ate the candy slowly; 
chocolate and coconut and cloying cara- 
mel. The confection was called Love Is 
Cool. On the wrapper was a picture of 
two characters, each of them tattooed on 
the back with their identifying name 
John and Mary. They bad weit arms 
around each other, in a field of bent grass 
that concealed parts of their bodies but 
not all, Sarah put the whole crinkling 
paper wrapper in her mouth and chewed. 
that, too. 

Ir grew hotter all day long and by three 
o'clock in the afternoon, though the shade 
was still cool, even cold, the sun was blaz- 
ing from sky and sand. Sarah went out of 
the house at last, past her father on the 
porch. She waded into the sea and let her 
clothes float on the slow waves as she 
peeled them off. Her arms were brown as 
sweet chocolate, 

Bernal, after а while, took off his own 
sun-faded jeans and work shirt; and, lean, 
dry and naked. put aside the Bible and 
went unsteadily into the water, too, 


often with only a token amount of 
goose. sometimes just a stuffed neck or 
а leg of confit d'oie. а form of preserved 
goose in which the meat is kept for 
weeks in its own render t. PLAYBOY'S: 
cassoulet, to be practical, reverses the 
order and gives the goose star billing. It’s 
an opulent yet free-and-easy party dish 
and at the table is outranked in size only 
by a huge salad of leafy greens in an 
olive-oil dressing. For working hand in 
hand with the cassoulet, let there be 
chunks of crusty sourdough French bread 
and bordes of pinot noir ready lo be 
poured semichilled—between room and 
refrigerator temperarures—as many cas- 
souletiers prefer it. 


CASSOULET 
{Serves six to eight) 


710810, young goose 

1 1b. boneless loin of pork 

1, Ib. kielbasa (Polish sausage), 
slices 

2 ozs. salt pork or sliced bacon, coarsely 
chopped 

1 Ib, largestsize great-northern white 
beans 

] medium-size whole onion 

2 cloves 

1 bay leaf 

It. pepper 

1 Spanish onion, very finely minced 


yin. 


CASSOULET (out from paze s3) 


rge cloves garlic, very finely minced 

m spoon leaf thyme 

12 sprigs parsley. very finely minced 

16-2. can tomatoes 

1 cup fresh bread crumbs 

If goose is unobtainable, 2 4b. duck- 
lings may be substituted. If possible, buy 
fresh goose or ducklings or order goose 
beforehand and ask butcher to thaw it 
for you. Also ask him to cut goose into 
12 pieces suitable for cassoulet. The neck, 
back and wings should not go into the 
cassoulet: they can be saved for а magnit- 
icent stock for mushroom-and-barley soup 
or lentil soup. 

Wash beans well; drain: soak overnight 
in enough cold water to cover with 1 in. 
water. Stick doves in whole onion and 
place in pot with beans. Add bay leaf and 
1 teaspoon salt. Bring to a boil; reduce 
flame and simmer slowly until beans are 
tender—about 114 hours. Preheat oven to 
375^. Remove from beans and discard 
onion and bay leaf. Add salt and pep- 
per to taste. Place pieces of goose, skin 
side ир, in a shallow roasting pan. Sprin 
Me with salt and pepper. Roast 1 10 114 
hours or until goose is lightly browned. 
Remove pieces of goose from fat in pan 
and set aside. Save fat: some will be 
needed for cassoulet; balance may be 
used for flavoring other dishes with which 


the flavor of goose fat is compatible. Place 
silt pork in saucepan over low flame. 
When fat appears. add Spanish onion, 
garlic, thyme and parsley. Sauté slowly 
until onion is deep yellow but not 
browned, Add onion mixture to beans 
Drain tomatoes, reserving juice. Chop 
tomatoes fine and add, together with their 
juice, to beans, Set aside. Set oven tem- 
perature at 3007. Cut pork loin into 
in. thick, Heat 
in skillet 2 tablespoons rendered goose 
fat. Sauté pork loin until lightly browned. 
Spoon about a third of the bean mixture 
into a 5quart deep casserole. Add halt 
the goose, pork and kielbasa. Spoon an 
other layer of oue third of the beans on 
top. Add balance of goose, pork and 
kielbasa. Spoon balance of beans on top. 
There should be enough liquid in cas 
serole so that when beans are lightly 
pressed with spoon, the liquid rises to top. 
Cover casserole and bake 114 hours. Re- 
move lid: skim fat from surface of beans 
and sprinkle with bread crumbs, Sprinkle 
lightly with goose fat. Bake uncovered 1 
hour longer, or until crumbs are lig 
browned. Cassoulet may be placed under 
broiler flame for a few minutes to brown: 
watch carefully: avoid scorching, 

Granted. it takes a bit of doing, but 
would Sir Edmund Hillary have settled 
for a hillock? 

B 


New Conceptrol Shields. 
A prophylactic created to make you feel 
like you're not wearing anything. 


Conceptrol. Shields 


World's largest laboratories. 
devoted to family planning research. 


© Ortho Pharmaceutical Corporation 1973 


The whole idea behind Conceptrol 
Shields is to allow two people sensi- 
tivity when using а prophylactic. 

To do this, we had to make a change. 
we changed the basic shape of the 
prophylactic so it would fit you better. 


: The change wasn't drastic, 


but from the shape you know to a 
Slightly contoured shape at the head. 
We feel this slight change will make 
Conceptrol Shields conform easier to 
you. and give you a fit you're not get- 
ting from an ordinary prophylactic. 
Strength: Conceptrol Shields are made 
from very thin latex. The thinnest we 
can possibly use and still maintain our 
quality control standards. 

Comfort: They have a reservoir tip—a 
receptacle at the tip of the prophylactic 
It allows you greater comfort, 
Lubrication: They have aspecial dry 
lubricant which makes them neater 
than prophylactics with wet lubricants 
They're also available non-lubricated. 


Conceptrol Shields. Comfortable, 


strong and allow sensitivity. 


We believe they're going to change 


your attitude about using prophylactics. 


Availablenowatyourlocal pharmacy 


We are making available through your local pharmacist educational matenal on the vatue of prophylactics in the prevention ot venereal disease 


зпа"А man's guide to preventing pregnancy:” 


183 


PLAYBOY 


190 


HOLY WAR ON 34TH STREET 


television commercial, right? I mean, it's 
having an armpit shoved in your face. 
Not your Scientologist. To him. it’s a 
challenge or something. He stands there 
staring right back, clutching his clipboard 
of personality tests and playing to the 
crowd. 

Because by now there is а real crowd, 
and they are all watching the contest to 
see who flinches. I mean, after all, here 
dozen crazies dancing up and 
playing their instruments. and 
chanting at the top of their lungs, giving 
their all to put this one guy on their trip, 
and him a beady-eyed character who's 
giving them the big stare right back. Even 
for New York, this is pretty good street- 
theater stuff, тїрї 
stows and pretty soon it's slopping 


So the crowd grows 


(continued from page 84) 


over into the gutter of 34th Street and 
they're not paying attention to the traffic 
hts anymore and traffic trying to turn 
right onto 34th gets blocked and ties up 
Broadway and cabbies start leaning on 
their horns and pickpockets start wor 
ing the сока and truck drivers are turn 
ing the air brown with their mouths and 
а poor son-of-a-bitch traffic cop has to run 
over and break it up before some old fart 
in an Oldsmobile has а heart attack and 
really screws wallic up. 

Who knew who would win? Every time 
it really got going, we had to step in and 
break it up. And it was always a somewhat 
surly crowd to move along, because they 
wanted to see how the show would end. 
Hard to blame them. After busting up 
these w се times a 


Чо contests two or thi 


“1 know it hasn't been easy for you, having 
to be both mother and father to me, but now that I'm grown, 
Dad, how about being just a father again?" 


day for half a week, I got to wondering 
how it would come out, too. Sergeant 
Kelly, in his gentle way, told me later that 
this was my downfall, my ticket to my 
present beat up here in Fort Apache in 
the wilds of the east Bronx. where patrol 
cars have to travel in pais. Like what 
they say about curiosity and the cat... . 

Not that I was crazy enough to do 
anything more than think about it. I 
don't care what Kelly says, 1 didn't pur- 
posely create the “HOLY WAR ох зати 
steer,” as the Daily News called it. You 
think I wanted a thing like that to hap- 
pen on my beat? You think 1 wanted to 
be up here in yehupetz dodging bricks 
and rousting savage junkies? Sure, I admit 
1 this fantasy about letting the Heavy- 
weight Staring Championship of the 
World go on till a KO, but I had no in- 
tention of letting it actually happen, no 
matter what Kelly says. All that happened 
was that this curiosity slowed me down a 
that much I will admit. 

But even that would've been OK if the 
damn Mitzvah-Mobile hadn't been the 
first vehicle to get caught trying to make 
a right turn from Broadway onto 34th. 
Picture this crummy old rented truck, a 
covered delivery type, the back of which 
is filled with these characters іп black 
hats and long black coats. I mean coa 
made out of horse-blanket material—in 
June, with the thermometer hitting 85! 
And they've all got scroungy beards and 
long scruffy sideburns—H. ] 
hippie Holy Rollers from Crown Heights, 
something called the Lubavitch Society, 
which I know on account of this is written 
on the side of what is also labeled the 
MITZVAU-MORILE, along with a lot of He- 
brew graffit а picture of a mezuzah, 
which is also some kind of ICBM. 

There | am, standing on the Herald 
Square island halfway across the inter- 
section, pausing for just a minute—hon- 
est, Charley—to watch the show before 1 
break it up. The whole width of 34th 
Street is blocked with people and the 
crowd is starting to spill onto Broadws 
l can see the shaved heads of at least a 
dozen Hare Ki s bouncing together 
above the crowd, and the chanting is 
shriller and louder than Гуе ever heard 
it before. even over the sounds of horns 
and the screams of cabbies, There’s a lit- 
tle gang of street hoods in the crowd and 
they're starting to cheer and yell; they 
seem a little loaded. Hippies are clapping 
their hands in time with the chanting. 
Even some on izen types аге 
cheering and appl 

I aoss over to the edge of the crowd, 
but instead of waving ту night stick, 
blowing my whistle and telling them to 
get their stupid asses moving, I elbow my 


way quietly through them, All right, all 


admit 


right, 1 I wanted to sce what 


нь эла ила пила ити аш 


time we stopped ? 


^s 


Enough people were arrested for marijuana 
Don't you think it 


in 1973 toempty the whole city of St. Paul, Minnesota. 


Е 
: 
= 


УМҮПГІЧУИІ 


PLAYBOY 


all the excitement was about before I 
broke it up this time. 

In the middle of the crowd, a dozen 
Hare Krishnas were dancing and chant- 
ing at the top of their lungs, as expected, 
but what wasn't expected, Charley, was 
that there were six Scientology nuts stand- 
ing there with their arms folded and star- 
ing at them. And 1 mean, those boys were 
staring! Shoulder to shoulder, like statues 
of the Rockettes, making like Bela Lugosi 
on methadone; you could hang your 
clothes out to dry on the lines between the 
Krishna freaks and their spaced-out eye- 
balls, Let me tell you, like the hippies 
say, the vibes there were really strange. 


The Scientologists just stood like furc- 
plugs and stared, and that just made the 
Hare Krishnas jump up and down faster 
and faster and chant louder and louder. 
“HARE KRISHNA, HA 
NA, 


E KRISH- 
KRISHNA KRISHNA, HARE 


And the crazier the Hare Krishna 
freaks went at it, the harder and colder 
the Scientologists stared. It got so heavy 
that the crowd was lining up between the 
silent starers and the jumping jacks, and 

going to give pretty soon. 
t, let me tell you, I un- 
froze fast and started to move in, but, 
da it, 1 was about a second too late. 
udden comes this incredibly loud 
blast of incredibly tinny hora music to the 
tune of which a chorus line of weirdos in 
beaver hats and Jong black coats dances 
п between the Hare Krishnas and the 
Scientologists. 
What's this goyi 
a Hasid who looks like a fulll: 
shiva University. 

Another of the beards accosts a thin, 
pimply Scientologist. "Are you Jewish? 
he demands. 

“Allright, move it along!" I shout, wav- 
ing my billy and stepping right into the 
fruit salad. But it’s too late; the loony 
bin has hit the fan. 

Everyone is shoving literature in every- 
one clse's face. Half of the Hare Krishnas 
are jumping up and down and chanting 
halfheartedly, while the others are trying 
to brush away Hasidim, who are trying to 
reach down the front of their robes to see 
if they're wearing mezuzahs. The Scien- 
tologists have seized the main chance and 
are pushing their free personality tests 
on the crowd that has now moved right 
into the middle of everything. 

“krishna Krishna, Rama Rama” 

А h and tephillin are the strategic 
deterrent of the Jewish peopl 
“WIL only take an hour of your time 
d it could change your whole life- sid 
‘Hare Krishna, 

“Baal Shem Tov 

"L. Ron Hubbard: 

I wy my best to break it up, but I ask 
you, Charley, what could I do? 105 wall- 
towall people now, and everybody is 
screaming at the top of his lungs, and the 


һа meshugaas?" says 
ick for Ye- 


, Hare Krishna——' 


192 horns from the clogged traffic on Broad- 


way sound like a dinosaur convention, 
and Scientologists keep pushing their clip- 
boards under my nose, and the Yeshiva 
University fullback even has the nerve to 
Frisk me for a mezuzah. Who can hear me 
blowing my whistle like ап idiot? Who 
can tell a goose-along from my billy from 
somebody's elbow in his back? What was 
Isupposed ro do, start hitting people over 
the head and firing my pistol into the air? 
How was I to know that the Mitzvah- 
Mobile had a bullhorn? 

All of a sudden, over the squawking 
hora mu 
in a thick Jewish accent only loud 
enough to rattle your fillings: “Without 
study of the Torth, in the streets comes 
chaos!” 

And this old bird in a beaver h: 
black coat gives me a knee in the butt as 
he pushes past me, jabbering into hi 
portable bullhorn: “A mitzvi 
keeps der Teufel away!" He looks like 
Moses as played by Sam Jaffe, if you know 
what I mean, Charley, and he makes 
straight for the line of chanting Ki 
freaks, drowning them all out with his 
amplified grandpa voice. “Stop dancing 
around like a Minsky's chorus line and 
dance for joy in the name of the 


At which point, all the Hasidim gi 
people at random—Hare Krishna 
tologists, hippies, street hoods, yuks from 
Keokuk—and start whirling them around 
in a hora. Whirl, whirl, whirl, then 
change partners like a square dance. One 
of them even grabs me and I find myself 
spinning around like а yoyo. Everyone 
is whirling around, then staggering into 
each other like drunks, then whirling 
again, orange robes, black coats, satin 
jackets, shirt sleeves and skirts. 

And then comes the moment when 1 
know for sure that I have had it, when I 
can feel the pavements of Fort Apache 
slamming my size nines. Hoo-boy! Here 
come the Jews for Jesus! 

‘These characters everybody knows 
about, because they've stuck up their 
JEWS FOR JESUS posters all over the city, 
and what flayor they are is self-evident. 
What is also self-evident, unfortunately, 
is that somewhere in Fun City is another 
crowd that doesn’t like their trip. because 
the city is also plastered with posters that 
read, NOT WANTED: JEWS FOR Jesus. Lately, 
the phantom opposition has taken to 
spray-painting out JEWS FOR JESUS posters, 
and the Jews for Jesus have taken to 
painting out the мот WANTED on enemy 
posters, cleverly converting them to more 
of their own. 

And here соте a dozen boy scouts with 
five-o'dlock shadows in JEW FOR JESUS 
T-shirts chain-ganging through the fruit- 
salad hora like that Carry Nation and her 
bad-ass biddies busting up a saloon, Can 


that’s been fighting the poster war with 
them? 
“Accept the Lord Jesus Christ King of 


the Jews!” they scream, actually loud 
enough to make themselves heard; they 
must be in practice. 

“Bite your tongue, you should say such 
a thing!" Sam Jaffe in the black coat lec- 
tures back through his bullhori 

“GOYIM!”" shout the Hasidim. 

I try to step in between the front lines, 
but there aren't any front lines anymore; 
the Jews for Jesus and the Hasidim are 
suddenly all over the place, going at each 
other in groups of two or three. 

“As Jewish as you are, bubeleh, and 
don't you forget it 

"Look at this meshugaas aud tell me the 
Messiah's already come—— 

The Lubavitchers are trying to check 
the Jews for Jesus for mezuzahs, who are 
trying to push them away, a 
na freaks have gotten their act back to- 
gether again and are jumping up and 
down, and dozens of weirdos in the crowd 


they're h: 
profile tests to everyone within reach and 
trying to get them to fill them out right on 
the spot. A Salvation Army lady in her 
blue uniform appears, playing а tam- 
hourine, Two black guys in white robes 
selling newspapers Indians in turbans 
with signs in Hindu lettering. Hasidim 
are whirling unwilling Jews for Jesus 
around by the wrists. Somehow 1 find my- 
self dancing with a Hare Krishna. Some- 
how I find myself putting a quarter into 
a collection can shoved in my face. Some- 
how I find myself filling out a free 
personality-profile test. 

Then I hear sirens—the riot squad to 
the rescue! 

But what pushes aside the mob like 
bowling pins and comes to a panic stop 
in front of me is not the riot bus but Ser- 
geant Kelly’s squad са 

And what comes howling up out of it is 
Sergeant Kelly, his face so red it's purple. 
his eyes rolling like Groucho Marx's. 
veins standing out 
head—bclicve me, Charley, а 
would make Godzilla crap in his pants. 

WHATDAHELLISDISGETYER- 
ASSESOUTAHERE!' Sergeant Kelly 
suggested to the crowd like King Kong on 
bennies. A division of Marines would've 
backed off from Kelly in this state, and 
instantly the war was over and the parties 
concerned were streaming away from 
Kellys squad car in every direction, 
while Kelly continued to bellow like a 
bull moose in heat to encourage their 
cooperation. 

He was sull in top form when he 
auention to me. Me, standing 
there holding a half-completed free 
personality-profile test, 


Apache. 
But you know, Charley, I got to admit 
it, I still kind of wonder how it all would 
have come out. 
a 


“Well, we found out what's been clogging up your drains!” 


PLAYBOY 


194 do with my life, I 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW (continued from page 70) 


then they choke, which is what I had 
been doing. 

During thc trophy presentation, I sud- 
denly realized that ГА had the match in 
my hands and then didn't go for the kill. 
1 knew then that I could beat Margaret— 
and anyone else in the world, too. Jt came 
то me just as clear as a bell: I really could 
be number one. The next time 1 played 
Margaret was in the finals of the South 
African Nationals in April 1966, and I 
beat her easily, six-three, six-two. Three 
months later, we played again in the semi- 
finals at Wimbledon and again I won, 
easily. I finally had the right mental 
attitude, 

PLAYBOY: What do you love most about 
the game? 
KING: The perfect shot. I've made only a 
Tew, but Е can still remember them. It's a 
beautiful fecling, just like an orgasm; 
thrills and chills all through your bod: 
But once it’s over, it’s over, and after you 
get the check or the trophy, all you think 
of is the next match. You never linger. 
But I remember one of the most satisfy- 
ing shots I've ever hit was during the 
1972 Wimbledon final against Evonne 
Goolagong. Neither of us was outstanding 
that day and I was playing just to win the 
match as best T could and get off the 
court. I kept going down the line on my 
backhand all afternoon—that's the per- 
centage shot—but there was just enough 
of a crosswind to hold the ball up in the 
air long enough for Evonne to run it 
down. So I ted and told myself that on 
match point I'd do just the opposite and 
bomb a cross-court shot. 1 served. She re- 
turned down the linc to ny backhand and 
I just snapped a short topspin shor cross 
court, catching her off balance, prepared 
to cover down the line. My shot was a 
winner. I threw my racket into the air 
nd thought, I did it! J hit a perfect shot! 
PLAYBOY: Do you always play to win? 
KING: Not always, and never in social 
tennis, when I just try to keep the ball in 
play so every good time. Aud I 
suppose 1 shouldn't say it, because most 
people will never believe it, but I. have 
let up а couple of times in matches be- 
cause I felt sorry for my opponent. But 
that's rare. I usually play my bes 
PLAYBOY: Could you tell us whom you've 
let up on? 

KING: I could. but I won't. 

PLAYBOY: You've said in the past that you 
consider tenni: ant foi 
KING: When tennis is pla 


a. In what way? 
ved proper! 


Ме of getting an emotion: 


Imost 
al, reaction from both players and 
nce—one similar to that you might 
feel when you hear a great piece of music. 
s thought that way, even when I 
was a child learning to play. That's why, 
when I was 19 years old and our minister, 
Bob Richards, the Olympic pole-vault 
champion, asked me what I was going to 
nid. "I know exactly 


what I'm going to do, Reverend. I'm go- 
ing to be the best tennis player in the 
world. 

PLAYBOY: Do you consider yourself a rel 
gious person? 

KING: Not now. I was then. There was a 
time when I thought of being a mission- 
ary. Td prohably consider myself an 
agnostic now. I don't go to church. Stan 
Smith is really into religion, and I think 
that's great for him. He says the written 
word in the Bible tells you how to live 
your life. I think it's most important that. 
jou figure it out. 1 think it’s pretty ob- 
vious how to live; you don't try to hurt 
others, 1 think the spirit of God or what- 
ever is within . . . people. I almost said 
man: can you believe it? I'm conditioned. 
PLAYBOY: In what м other than in your 
attitude toward religion have you changed. 
over the years? 

KING: In the beginning of my carcer, when 
I was a chubby little prodigy from Loi 
Beach, 1 wanted everybody to love Billie 
Jean King, and 1 was certain that when 
I became a champion, they'd love me even 
more. Now I know that it docsn't matter 
whether people love me. What matters is 
that E love myself and make myself happy: 
then I can give love and happiness to 
others, and it's not important that they 
return it to me. And I realize now that 
being number one isn't glamorous. It's 
more like being the fastest gun in the 
West. You can never let up, because you 
have to prove yourself against all comers. 
PLAYBOY: At thc moment, you're not num- 
ber one—at least not as far as the U.S. 
Tennis Association is concerned. 
You've just been replaced by Chris Evert 
as the top-ranked woman tennis player on 
the U.S.L.T.A. list. How did that strike 
you, in view of the fact that you beat 
Chris two out of three times last ye 
KING: Chris had a good year and she 
deserved what she got. Rankings don’t 
bother me. In the beginning, I was naive 
enough to think that being a champion 
would solve all my problems, but it often 
creates more than it solves. 

PLAYBOY: How has your lifestyle changed 
in the past few years 
KING: Well, for about six years, Larry and 
Thad an apartment with à bed, a fold-out 
couch, a stereo, a small desk and a huge 
painting heavy on the blacks and grays 
nd blues, done by nd of ours in 30 
seconds with a spray gun. No furniture, 
ly someth out of Future 
Shock. Then, just recently, we moved 
to a new apartment in San Mateo near 
our magazine and offices. But I haven't 
scen it yet and I'm sure one of the secre- 
taries did the furnishing, because I don’t 
have the time and there are so many other 
things on my mind right now. I like things 
neat and organized—as long as 1 don't 
have to do them. And here in Philadel- 
phia, I have a three-story house on Society 
Hill that was built in 1730 and restored. 


It’s a blast. I have somebody come in once 
а week to clean and pick up and I cook 
for myself. Dick Butera, who owns the 
Freedoms, found the house and organized 
the help. 1 wouldn't make it, with my life- 
style, unless everyone were very helpful. 
PLAYBOY: Do you take things with you 
when you travel, to give you the feeling 
of being at home? 

KING: 1 like being mobile, so I'm not big 
on that at all, I used to carry records with 
me, but then I had to stop doing it be- 
cause of the weight and bulk. But now 
that I'm more or less based in Philadel- 
phia, I've bought a great stereo anda tape 
recorder and I'm putting everything I like 
on tape—Gladys Knight and the Pips, 
Aretha Franklin, Bob Dylan, Roberta 
Flack, Helen Reddy, Chér. But I think 
Elton John is probably my favorite, I 
burn incense and listen to my records, 
PLAYEOY: Have you ever smoked grass? 
KING: Yes, I tried it, but I didn't like it. It's 
just not my trip. Gen 


PLAYBOY: Isn't that something of a contra- 


when you've been so heavily in- 
à tournaments sponsored by a 
cigarette manufacturer? 
KING: The Virginia Slims people have 
never encouraged us to smoke. They just 
try to get people who already smoke to 
switch to Virginia Slims. They get a lot 
out of the promotion—four years ago, 
they were number 50, and now they're in 
the top 20 brands—but so do we. 
Anyway, about pot, I shouldn't put 
my own trip on everybody else. If people 
enjoy pot and they know about the harm 
it can do and they still want to use it, 
that’s their business. 
PLAYBOY: Do you feel the si 
pornography? 
KING: То my way of thinking, pornog- 
raphy is in the eyes of the viewer. You 
and I can look at the same picture or 
read the same hook and you might get 
turned on while I don't. So what may be 
pornographic for you isn't for me. Any- 
way, I don't know why people get hung 
up on such things. which T don't thi 
hurt anybod: 
PLAYBOY: Have vou ever seen a porn film? 
KING: Larry and I went together to see 
Deep Throat but left halfway through it 
I wanted to see it all, but Larry wanted 
10 leave. 
PLAYBOY: Did you like it? 
KING: It was OK, but too repetitious. Pd 
probably go to see more porn films if 1 
had the time, because I’m curious. I guess 
1 want to try everyth 
be not everything—so don't ask what 1 
haven't tried yet. 
PLAYBOY: In your recent autobiography, 
you wrote that Ayn Rand's Atlas 
Shrugged had done much to change your 
life, How? 
KING: Sometime in the spring of 1972, a 
friend of mine rushed up to me with à 
copy of Atlas Shrugged and said, “You've 


volved 


е way about 


21975. Playboy Publications 


OUI MARCHES ON 


CONVERSATION WITH PAUL MORRISSEY takes you inside the far-out 
head of Andy Warhol's movie director. Warhol's alter ego has a mind of his own. 
SWINGERS MAGAZINES reviews the tabloids that let your fingers do the 
stalking. In this case, A.C./D.C. is not the Washington Athletic Club. 

HIP IN THE SEVENTIES gives you some sound advice on how to be “in” 
without flipping out. If you can’t stand the pace, join the strategic slowdown. 
TENNIS YOUTH TAKE-OVER examines the coup de court by the younger set 
and their groupies. The net result is a love game. 

GREAT MYTHS OF OUR TIME lists those childish rumors that used to keep 
you awake nights. Reading this could make you go blind! 

OUI GIRLS Vicky and Brigitte are enough to keep you awake nights, too. You 
should only be so lucky. 

AT YOUR NEWSSTAND NOW Just say ou!! 


MARCH 1975 


PLAYBOY 


got to read this. You're Dagney Taggart.” 
During the next few months, 1 read the 
book and thought about it a lot and 
realized that she was right, that in a lot 
of ways I was like Dagncy Taggart. That 
book told me a lot about why other 
people reacted to me, sometimes pretty 
strongly, the way they did. I can't sum. 
rire the book in a paragraph or two, 
but it seemed to me that the two main 
themes were right on target: how an in- 
tense love for something can be a source 
of strength as well as weakness, and how 
success can sometimes breed envy, resent- 
ment and even hate. The book really 
turned me around, because, at the time, 
I was going through a bad period in tennis 
and thinking about quitting. People were 
constantly calling me and making me feel 
rotten if I didn't play in their tournament 
or help them out. I realized then that 
people were beginning to use my strength 
weakness—that they were using me 
pawn to help their own ends and if 
I wasn't careful, I'd end up losing myself. 
So, like Dagney Taggart, 1 had to learn 
how to be selfish, although the word self 
i the wrong connotation. As I sec 
ig selfish is really doing your own 
thing. Now 1 know that if 1 can make 
myself happy, I can make other people 
happy—and wg selfish, so be 
it. That's what 1 am. 
PLAYBOY: When you were growing up. who 
were your heroes and heroines? 
KING: I didn’t have any. E always thought 
it important to have your own thing. I 
wasn't up on the film stars of the time, 
because Т didn’t have money to go to the 
movies when 1 was young. So most of the 
people I admired were sports figures like 
Hank Aaron. It’s funny how it all worked 
out for him. I always thought when he 
was a youngster that he was unappre- 
ciated. Great wrists. Love those wrists. 
PLAYBOY: What kind of people—sports 
figures, movie stars, whoever—would you 
most like ro spend your time with? 
KING: The trouble with my life now is that 
I rarely have time to spend with anyone 
but the team, and it’s a pretty narrow life. 
Thats one of the reasons I'm cutting 
down on my schedule, so I can start spend: 


ing time with other people and maybe 
get out in the world 


and learn a little. 
to offer. But, 
wer your question, my best friend 
is my former secretary, Marilyn Barnett, 
and some of the tenni s, such as 
Fred Stollc arc fun to 
be with. I'd also like to see more of Mar 
cos Carriedo, who introduced Larry and 
me at college. Dick Butera is a good 
friend and a riot; he's interested in the 
world around him. And Elton John has 
been super to us. I'd like to see more of 
him, too. 


PLAYBOY: Why didn't you mention Rose- 
mary Casals as a friend? 
KING: Didn't I? Over the years that Rosie 


and I were friends and partners on the 


196 court, she often told me that she wanted 


to be number one, OK. But I think she 
envied my position so much that she came 
to hate me. She tried not to, but I felt she 
did and, although we're still friends, it’s 
difficult for her, because we're in the same 
profession and the media keep her in my 
shadow. It's just not good for either of us. 
Another girl I used to be friendly with is 
istien Kemmer, a left-handed player. 
One day she said to me, “I can't be around 
you anymore, because I want to be the 
best. and when I'm with you, I see all the 
attention you get and it’s just not good 
for me.” 

PLAYBOY: Doesn't that kind of honesty 
turn you off? 

KING: No, it turns me on. The best thing 
about it is that Kristien and I are goad 
enough friends to be honest and open. 
But Rosie wouldn't come out with it; I 
had to pull it out of her. Kristien was so 
open no way 1 couldn't 
accept Us sad, in а wa 


1 like, because it means I end up be 
on my own a lot and more lonely. 
PLAYBOY: Do you find it difficult to make 
friends? 
KING: You have to understand that most 
of the people 1 meet are tennis players, 
and sometimes it’s easy for me to be their 
friend but difficult for them to be mine. 
T figure ГЇЇ have a lot more friends after 
I phase out and I'm not in competition 
with them anymore. Most of the top male 
players in tennis are my friends, We all 
help one another, and that's as good a 
basis for friendship as you can find. 
PLAYBOY: We've heard that among the 
male players, the Australians are legend- 
ary drinkers. Is that true? 
KING: Definitely. 
PLAYBOY: What about the women? 
KING: No, women athletes drink a lot less 
than mcn. I suppose it's image again, the 
way we were brought up. But women 
athletes are also very serious about their 
sport, about keeping in shape. The men— 
Australian, American. anybody—drink a 
lot more than the women. 
PLAYBOY: Do women tennis players en- 
gage in the kind of backslapping, locker- 
room repartee that men do: 
KING: Oh, we talk about men all the time. 
PLAYBOY: Yeah? 
KING: Oh, yeah. Who's got the best body. 
We're very physically oriented, anyway. 
PLAYBOY: Do you ever say things like, 
"Boy, would 1 like to have a roll in the 
hay with that guy"? 
KING: Oh, yeah, Sure. The locker room is 
exactly like that. That's exactly how we 
talk. You got it! 
Till say one thi 


ng the women don't do 


that men do, though. They don't talk 
t. Maybe to their best friend, but 


about 
that would be it. Otherwise, they don't 
„ “Oh, this guy was really great in bed" 
or “That guy was lousy,” or whatever. 
That's the big difference. Women don't 
fecl they have to boast about it, For some 
reason, men have been convinced that 


they'd better be able to talk about it. I 
always wondered about their talk: wheth- 
er they're talkers or doers. 

PLAYBOY: We haven't talked much about 
another aspect of your career—your 
А recent aide in The New 
York Times said you'd have to be con- 
sidered, along with Don Shula of the Mi- 
ami Dolphins and Fred Shero of the 
Philadelphia Flyers, as the coach of the 
year. Do you like being a coach? 

KING: Yes. I enjoy being Big Momma, and 
it's gratifying to sec the players improve. 
Julie Anthony has really come up this 
year. Brian Fairlie’s serve has gouen bet 
ter and Fred Stolle played better than at 
any time in the past five years. Fred w 
ally important to us, not only as 
s a good coach, too. 1 
grew up in team sports, and that's the 
way the American psyche is conditioned 
Everyone helps everyone else. The pli 
ers develop more as human beings when 
they're part of a team. They remain in 
dividuals, but they're an integral part of 
the whole unit. 

PLAYBOY: Will we cver scc women coaches 
in other sports— pro football, for example? 
KING: ОГ course. day а woman will 
be a coach in pro football or basketball 
i eball. A woman can 
s and if she's 


qualified. 

PLAYBOY: How long is that going to take? 
About 20 yea 
KING: Try five. 
PLAYBOY: Last November, when you 
turned 31, you said you were at a cross 
roads in your life. What did you mean? 
KING: [ meant I really don't know where 
I'm at right now. The next decade should 
be the best of my life, and while I'm 


physically healthy, 1 think 1 should take 
advan 


ge of those years. I don't know if 


PLAYBOY: From whom? 
KING: Friends, college kids, people who 
е to me and stop me on the street 
Billie Jean, we need help." Politics 
doesn't appeal to me, though. You have 
to glad-hand people for their votes 52 
weeks а year to get into office and stay 
there, and all the precious time you spend 
glad-handing and ass kissing takes you 
away from the job you should be doing. 
What I've said today may not be what 


I think tomorrow, because the whole 
process of learning and maturing is 
change. The one thing I'm positive about 


is that I want to sce certain things happen 
in this country. I want to sce more wom- 
en—not necessarily mein politics, and 
I want to see sports change. But I don't 
know what role I want to play in effec 
these changes. I need time to think it 
over in peace, to take a deep breath and 
maybe sit on the beach and watch the 
ves breaking for a while, See you when 
I get back—maybe with a few answers. 


Ll 


PLAYBO 


198 


ЕКА 889 (continued from page 116) 


debris. When the missile hit him, he 
stopped. I kept turning, rolled out 
and flew over the top of the left cor- 
ner of the fireball and took a small 
piece of debris through the leading 
edge of my left wing. 

At that time, I would have disen- 
gaged, thinking the other Mig would 
also disengage, because every other 
time that I saw two Migs and one 
Mig came anywhere near getting into 
trouble, the other Mig would split. 
In other words, again, they did not 
seem to appreciate mutual support. 

But now. the first Mig, the shiny 
guy, hung right in the fight and tried 
to shoot down my number-four man. 
My number-four man called and said, 
“Steve, I have got one on ше.” 

So I started another dive for the 
ground to pick up additional air 
speed and energy, which I had lost 
in the first turn. This time I came 
hard to the right, a 135-degree bank, 
а nose-down, slicing turn, about six 
and a half gs. I came out of that tum 
in a position on the shiny guy similar 
to the one that I had had on his wing- 
man just а few seconds earlier. And, 
by the way, from canopy to canopy 
on the first pass until the first missile 
impacted on the wingman, it was 47 
seconds, Here is the shiny Mig, and 
here 


my number-four man, and he 
is getting a good position to shoot at 
m—the Mig against my number- 
four man, 1 came across the circle, 
rolled up, put the Mig in the gun 
sight and hit the autoacquisition 
switch. It was a good lock. I waited 
[classified] seconds and squeezed the 
trigger. I had time to get one missile 
off the airplane. 

The Mig saw me, forgot about the 
number-four man and started a hard 
turn down into me. He was a little 
better than his wingman, By the 
time the missile came off the air- 
plane, he had closed to 3000 feet and 
was almost 60 degrces past my nose. 
1 was pulling [classified] gs, which is 
at or beyond the limit of capability 
of the missile, I was reaching down 
for my master arm switch, which 
turns on the gun, in the hope of 
getting a shot at him as he passed by. 
The missile came off the airplane, 
headed straight, appeared to do а 90- 
degree right turn and smashed dead 
center into the fuselage. The Mig 
broke into two pieces, a lot of debris 
and a big fireball. 

At that time, there was another 
flight of Мї 215 being vectored by 
the North Vietnamese toward the 
fight. We had gotten this inform 
tion from Red Crown and Disco. 
When I called “Splash,” which was 
our code word for a Mig kill, the 


North Vietnamese vectored the other 
flight of Migs back to Hanoi. So we 
got out of the area, hit the post- 
mission refueling tanker and re- 
turned to Udorn [Thailand]. 


Within weeks after he testified on Capi- 
tol Hill, Major Ritchie retired from the 
Air Force and returned to North Caro- 
lina to run for Congress. 

Paradoxically, Ritchie, whose F-4 had 
a gun, never used it in making his kills, 
while Navy Commander Е. $. Teague, 
whose F4 did not have a gun, wished it 
had. At the hearing, after recounting his 
own Mig kills, Teague said: 


I think it should be mentioned 
that the Air Force, in its F-4, has an 
internal cannon, and a very good one, 
the Vulcan. The Navy F4 fighter 
does not have an internal cannon. As 
a consequence, we found ourselves in 
the battlefield with Sidewinders and 
Sparrows. The Sidewinder, of couse, 
is independent of the radar system in 
the airplane, whereas the Sparrow re- 
quires that not only the missile and 
all its links be “up” but the radar 
be up as well. 

I was in a fight at Quan Lang Air 
Base in March where I found myself 

Попе, thinking I was good, with four 
Mig-17s. I felt very comfortable, until 
all of a sudden the circle kept getting 
smaller and smaller. I knew I could 
leave any time just by throwing on 
the afterburners and running. But 
once you see a Mig, you want one 
badly. So I stuck und. In that 
fight. I had two perfect gun oppor- 
tunities when the Mig had just 
stopped going up in front of me, 
where you fly right through them, 
nd I could have hit him with a 
ketball, but Т had nothing to shoot. 
1 finally did get a missile off in that 
fight that exploded on the Mig. My 
wingman thought I had hit him. But 
a bunch of junk came off of him and 
I got credit only for damaging him. 


Why did the Air Force F4 have a gun 
and the Navy F-4 not have a gun? Simple: 
The Navy hadn't dreamed that the Phan- 
toms would be called upon to shoot it out 
with cannonaders in Migs, in an air co 
over a litde land mass in Southeast Asia. 
"The Ff was to be a longer-ranging feet- 
defense interceptor and consequently it 
was fitted with extensive radar equipment 
took up all the space in the nose of 
the plane. When, in the mid-Sixties. the 
Air Force realized they were going to need 
а gun, the F-4 was redesigned and by shift- 
ing the radar gear (a tedious, expensive 
job) McDonnell Douglas opened up 
enough space to stick the cannon in 
the nose. 

This did not, however, explain the 


absence of cannons in the F-4s of the Fly- 
ing Leathernecks. The traditional role 
of the fighter plane in the Marine wings 
has been one of clearing and controlling 
the air over beachheads. This means dog- 
fights—like those between the Zeros and 
the Hellcats of World War Two, the 
Sabres and Migs of the Korean War. What 
it comes down to is that the Marine Corps 
buys whatever firstline fighter plane the 
Navy brass tells it to buy. And in the case 
of the F- was not the Air Force ver- 
sion but the Navy version that had begun 
coming off the production lines first. The 
Navy likes the Marine Corps to share 
the research-and-development costs of its 
fighters and help pay the price of their 
procurement, off the same production 
lines. Bigger production volume means 
lower unit prices, better public relations 
and Congressional relations and Navy 
budgets that seem lower. This Navy tac- 
of force-feeding fighters into the Ma 
rine squadrons was to appear agi 
we shall sce, in the stormy developments 
of the two fighters that were chosen to 
replace the Navy and Air Force Phantom 
in the mid-Seventies: the Grumman F-14 
Tomcat and the McDonnell Douglas 
F5 Eagle. Their development is an 
outstanding example of the Services 
politicking and parochialism, under the 
same Pentagon roof, all carried our under 
the banner of a strong national defense. 
The setting is, of course, the Pentagon, 

Take a tour. Don't begin at the river 
entrance or at the mall entrance on the 
adjoining side. Instead, get off the bus 
from Washington in one of the three 
lanes that slice under one side of the 
building. Mount the 27 steps to the Penta- 
gon concourse, an arcade long enough to 
contain five basketball courts, end to е 
Along its length, on any given da 
easel-mounted posters announcing 
union of the Red River Valley Fighter 
Pilots Association, or the Eighth Tactical 
Fighter Wing, or a company of the Green 
Berets. At lunchtime, now and then, the 
Singing Sergeants of the Air Force or 
some other military music group will set 
up at one end of the concourse to enter- 
tain the strolling secretaries and their 
bosses. In warm weather, the noontime 
entertainment moves outdoors to the 
center court, a vast greensward laced 
walkways, nestled within the Pentagon's 
inner walls. Here, the brown-baggers 
bring lunches from home or from one of 
the nine snack bars inside the building. 
Others patronize the luncheon bar, sport- 
i al colors, at the hub of the 
nt. Lunch in the park. 
But not quite. Pentagonians call the 
center court Ground Zero. 

The man usually in charge of the bu 
ness side of the Pentagon is the Deputy 
Secretary of Defense. He is the systems 
man, the hardware man. Save for Robert 
McNamara, the secretaries themselves 
have stuck to high policy. This division 


of duties was especially striking in the 
first Nixon Administration, when Secre- 
tary of Defense Melvin Laird concen- 


trated on getting out of Vietnam, pressing 
the fl 


h on Capitol Hill, reassuring our 
O allies and working up the begin- 
nings of the Volunteer Army. He dele- 
gated the thorny task of coordinating the 
ices and their contractors to his dep- 
шу, rd, the "Mr. In 
of the two. Packard would show how a 
man who could cofound and develop a 
nt West Coast clectronics. company 
such as Hewlett-Packard, and make 
$300,000,000 for himself while at it, could 
also square away the Pentagon, 

Packard wied to do two things that 
turned out to be mutually incompatible: 
reform the Services’ practices of procur- 
ing weapons systems and, at the same 
time, give the Services more leeway and 
responsibility in the procurement; im- 
pose on them much less than McNamara 
had the decisions of the civilians. He 
troduced the concepts of competitive 
prototyping, fly before buy and design 
to cost. Taken all together, these boiled 
down, at a time of severe budgetary con- 
straints, to forcing the Services and their 
contractors to think ahead more about 
the cost of a weapon in relation to its 
performance; to build and test prototypes 
of weapons, such as airplanes, before the 
Defense Department would approve their 
production; and, in general, to q 


adding gimmicks and gadgets to weapon 
ry just because some engineer thought it 
would be dandy to do so. 

“What we'te trying to do,” Packard 
said, "is get these professional military 
people—and the Service secretaries—a 
larger say in the decisions that have to 
be made. It is difficult for anyone to c 
out a decision that has been imposed from 
above. The Е-111 is an example. The 
Navy was never very enthusiastic about 
the Е-111. It wasn’t a Navy decision 

But for all his good intentions, Pack- 
ard failed to go far cnough, He gave the 
Services too much rope and they hanged 
him. The denouement was the develop- 
ment of the new fighter planes. 

In the Navy's lack of enthusiasm for 
the F-111—and in the Air Force's resent- 
ment, too, at having the Navy F4 forced 
by McNamara—lay the seeds of 
the Great Fighter Plane Battle of the 
early and middle Seventies. Among the 
wounded were to be Packard, William P. 
Clements, Jr., who became Deputy Secre- 
tary of Defense in the second Nixon Ad- 
ministration, a whole raft of admirals 
and generals—and the citizenry at large. 
Let us begin. 

The Navy, unable to unhorse McNa- 
mara, played along with him on the de- 
velopment of the bi-Service F-111 until 
Hughes Aircraft Corporation had enough 
of the Pentagon's money in pocket to 
complete design and development of the 


Phoenix missile. The extra-long-range, 
uncannily guided Phoenix had been con- 
ceived specifically as a weapon for the 
F-111 in onc of its roles—never to be real- 
ized—as а Navy interceptor. All the 
while, the Navy had in mind putting the 
Phoenix aboard another plane and for- 
ng the ЕЛП. McNamara would not 
be around forever. 

Victory often comes to those who wait, 
and soon McNamara was gone. Clark 
Clifford was in his final month as Mc- 
Namara's successor. Nixon had won the 
election and would soon introduce a 
whole new team to the civilian offices of 
the Pentagon. The з leaders now 
in those offices were packing their things. 
The Navy struck. Tt signed a contract 
with Grumman Corporation—which, tid- 
ily enough, had been chief subcontractor 
for General I ics on the F-111—to 
build the F-M Tomcat as the endall air 
defender of the fleet for as far into the 
future as the tacticians could sce. Before 
Packard ever set foot in the Pentagon, 
the Tomeat contract had him by the tail. 

Packard had the option, of course, of 
ordering the Navy to renege. He ap- 
proved the contract because it would have 
been sticky not to do so and because the 
Tomcat did promise to be a marvelous 
plane, But he was not happy with the 
terms, The contract locked the Navy into 
ordering by а fixed date no fewer than 
18 production models of the F-14 beyond 


Us Tareyton 


smokers 


would rather 


fight than 


100 mm: 19 mg. "tar", L4 mg nicotine; av. per cigarette, FIC Report Oct. 7 


King Size: 20 mg "tar". 1.3 mg. nicot 


Warning: The Surgeon General Hes Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health, 


PLAYBOY 


“May I suggest roast waiter?” 


the original 12 development models and 
the first production lot of 26. That was 
a big commitment for production before 
the first plane had ever flown. If the 
Navy were to back away from this com- 
mitment, the contract automatically 
would. be broken and Grumman might 
even be in a position to sue. 

Muflling his misgivings, Packard fol- 
lowed through, im the case of the F-14 
program, on his theory that the Services 
should be unfettered in their manage- 
ment of weapons programs. He made 
it clear that he was giving the Navy its 
head. Two years later, he was in a mood 
to hand the Navy its head. What hap- 
pened in the meantime was ample evi- 
dence of the natal agonies of a weapon 
system when its wonders-to-be warp the 
judgment of what it will cost or of what 
it will do. 

‘The twin-jet F-14 is, indeed, some air- 
plane. It was designed to range farther, 
fly faster, dimb higher and pack more 
wallop than any interceptor ever built. 
While it possesses some of the features of 
a fighter, fighter pilots certainly would 
prefer to call it an interceptor. Its long 
suits are its fire-control system and its 
missiles. With his AWG-9 radar and in- 
frared-sensor-computer system, ће back- 
seat Missile Control Officer of the Tomcat 
can wack 24 separate targets, from sea 
level to 80,000 feet, up to 100 miles dis- 
tant. The silicon chips in the Tomeat’s 
“little black boxes” of electronics are 
synaptic with six Phoenix missiles, which 
separately can seck out enemy planes or 
missiles coming at the fleet from different 
directions, altitudes and ranges, and with 
Sparrows and Side Plus the F-14 
caries a 20-millimeter cannon. The 
Navy's response to the argument that a 
Mig-23 or a Mig-25 would overmatch the 


200 ‘Tomcat ina dogfight is simply (does it ring 


a bell?) th her would ever get close 
enough to turn on the Tomcats tail and 
even then might find the Tomcat too 
much to handle. The Tomeat’s infrared. 
seareh-and-track system can be used along 
with its radar or independently. Unlike 
the radar, the infrared system can detect 
and track targets without transmitting, 
which means that it does not break radio 
silence and cannot be jammed by enemy 
electronic countermeasures. The infrared 
system also cam count and pinpoint 
clusters of targets that may show up on 
conventional radar as mere blobs. Against 
inched and ship-taunched missiles, 
the infrared sensing range exceeds that of 
the lar. Could not this Mandrakian 
masterwork of sensors be installed on 
some fighter already in service? Here is 
what the Navy, in its self-serving fact 
sheet on the F-14, had to say about that: 


Navy studies show that the F-14 
AWG-9-Missiles-Gun combination 
provides an air-superiority increment 
equal to that of at least three conven- 
tional fighters. . . . It is equally capa- 
ble on combat air rol, on escort 
or in a dogfight. . . . This aircraft. 
design has been evolving since 
1959. .. . Navy fighter pilots have 
been among the most important par- 
ticipants in this evolution, and they 
have the most to gain or lose by its 
success or failure. To install the 
AWG-9 and Phocnix missile on an 
aircraft of lesser performance would 
be equivalent to putting Willie Shoe- 
maker on а mule entered in the Ken- 
tucky Derby. 


Nothing the Navy could have said 
about the Tomcat would be so persuasive 
as the spy case that showed how intrigued 
the Soviets were with the plane, A So- 
viet employee at the United Nations 


contacted a Grumman engineer of the 
"Tomcat about handing over its bluc- 
prints, The engineer told the FBI about 
the contact. When he met with the Rus- 
sian and handed over the blueprints, FBI 
agents swooped in for the arrest 

‘A few months after this affair, the Navy 

pitted the F-14 against the F4 in eight 
air duels over Long Island Sound. Each 
time, the “dogfight” began with the F-4 
lready in the six-o’clock position, all 
set to score an electronic hit. And each 
time, the F-14 pilot wracked into a tight. 
turn, got out of trouble and swiftly re- 
versed the advantage. The Navy and 
Grumman publicized these tials to the 
hilt, But some fighter pilots remained 
skeptical. In their opinion, beating an 
F- proved litle, for the F4 was not a 
pure fighter. 

‘The F-14 program began to come apart. 
Production fell behind schedule after а 
failure of ti 
the first ЕЛ4 prototype to crash, 
second test flight, off Long Island. Four 
months later, Grumman told the Navy 
that it would be "commercially imprac- 
ticable” to build any more than 38 Tom- 
cats unless the contract were torn up and 
a new one written that would provide 
Grumman with an added $2,200,000 per 
plane. the price 
increase испеа the 
amount by which Grumman had under- 
bid McDonnell Douglas for the F-14 
contract in the first place. 

When the Navy broke the bad news to 
Packard, he blew up. First, he was angry 
with Grumman for not having given ad- 
vance warning of big trouble ahead. 
‘Then he learned that Grumman had 
been trying to tell the brass in the Navy 
F-14 program offices for almost a year of 
the turbulence that lay ahead for the 
"Tomcat program. Packard called a meet- 
ing of the Defense Systems Acquisition 
Review Council and let the Navy have 
it. When he had finished chewing out 
the admirals, he stormed from the meet- 
ing room, roaring, “You're fired!” at all 
of them, most notably Navy Secretary 
John Chafee and Vice-Admiral Thomas 
F. Connolly, deputy chief of staff for 
aval air operations. The next day, Pack 
ard called the council back into session 
but pointedly omitted the Navy. He 
apologized to the others for his outburst. 
He said he was draftin; memo order- 
ing the Navy to take а second look—a 
hard one—at the F-14 program. The par- 
ticipants at that meeting reported that 
Packard seemed not only subdued but, 
for the first time in their experience with 
him, a shade dispirited. The word began 
to spread that he of the Penta 
gon and was longing to return to his 
ranch, secluded in 50 acres of apricot 
ces, near San Francisco. Six mouths 
later, he was gone. So was Connolly. 
Chafee followed five months later. But 
Packard had left the Navy something to 
think about. 

He had instructed the admirals to find 


out whether the McDonnell Douglas F-15 
fighter newly in development for 
„ could be adapted to the 
fleet-defense mission. Chuckles of satisfa 
tion could be heard throughout the Air 
Force suites and in the board rooms of 
McDonnell Douglas. This could mean 
sweet revenge against the Navy for hav- 
ng foisted off the F4 on the Air Force. 
The tion was ominous for the Navy 
and for Grumman, The F-15 program, 
ich had counted Packard among its 
cnthusiasti ding high. 
5 was designed to make fighter 
ve their whitesilk scarves 
show their perfect teeth in exultation. Tt 
was their kind of bird—an_ honestto- 
goodness fighter that, unlike any plane 
ever flown before. could effectively dou- 
ble as an interceptor and as a long-range 
escort of bombers. It would climb like a 
rocket, accelerate like a missile. Jt would 
not be armed with Phoenix missiles and 
could afford to disdain them. But it 
would bristle with Sparrows and Side- 
inders at no saarifice of speed or maneu- 


w 
verability. And it would have a rapid-fire, 
25-millimcter cannon. Its 


through" the display and still bc able to 
scan the sky around him. He would need 
no missile-control officer. He would have 
it all to himself, the way dps pilots 
e it. The Fagle's twin engi 
ing more than 40,000 pounds oe la 
would make it the first fighter ever with 
more thrust than weight. Well, not quite, 
The F-104 had more thrust than weight, 
but the adva аы worth much. 
At top thrust, a red light would come on 
in the cockpit of the F-104 that told the 
pilot that he had better either slow down 
or punch ош: His fuselage and wings 
were about to melt. Not so the F-15. Its 
ing surfaces were titanium and com. 
emetal, almost impervious to ihe 
sed by friction. And, best of all, 
Force- McDonnell. Douglas F-15 
development program was s 
on target, as to both perform: 
of the airplane. The Air Force planned 
10 buy more than 700 of them and there 
was nothing to indicate that this plam 
might be upset. Moreover, it now seemed 
that the Navy might wind up being 
gged into the market for F-15s as well, 
h would double the market and dras- 
tically cut the price of cach plane 
Meanwhile, Congress had forced а ceil- 


the 


ing price on the Navy and Grumman for 
the E14. Grumman said it would go bank. 
rupt, Frantic negotiations dragged on, as 


the F14 program fou 
Deputy Secretary of Defense charged into 
the Pentagon at the beginning of the 
second Nixon term, confident that he 
could find a way to keep the F-14 flyin, 

William P. Clements went to Washing: 
ton from Dallas with a reputation as a 
hawk and a half. A multimillionaire with 
а hard-bitten look about him. he spoke his 
piece in accents less mellifluous than those 


стей, until a new 


of, say, his fellow Texan Jolin Connally, 
and in utter disregard of subtleties. His 
penchant for bluntness was illustrated at 
a Pentagon luncheon in honor of General 
François Louis Maurin, chief of май of 
the French armed forces. Clements ac- 
costed Maurin, demanding to know why 
the French had sold Mirage fighter planes 
10 Egypt in contradiction of the an- 
nounced French policy of not supplying 
weapons to any nation that had been in 
volved in the Arab-Israeli Six Day War of 
1967. Maurin said he knew nothing of 
ny such sales. “Why don't you know?" 
ments asked. "Here they are." And 
he plopped onto M ’s place at the 
table intelligence reports and acri 
photographs of Mirages on Egypl 

Dallas computer tycoon Н. Ross Perot 
id of Clements: “If you ever decide to 
run over him, kill him, don't leave him 
unconscious, He's as tough as anyone 
you'll ever meet, and 1 mean that as а 
compliment. Bill Clements could 
handle anything he wanted to do. There 
are basically two kinds of people—work 
nd show horses. Bill is a work 


When he arrived at the 
Clements took change of the F-14 issue. 
He visited Grumman's headquarters at 
4, to sce for himself 
n people 


Pentagon, 


ned. according 10 one of them, 
a quick study, a businessman who under- 
stands our problems.” When he got back 
to the Pentagon, Clements took another 
look at the Navy study of the F-15, which 
Packard had ordered. It said, naturally, 
that the F-15 would not really suffice. Tis 
landing gear would песа to be strength- 
ened, for slamming into carrier decks, and 
its tail section would have to be equipped 
with a hook. These additions would mean 
much more weight. And the F-15 could 
never, of course, match the 
e or the firepower that would be 
needed to combat the anticipated Soviet 
tactic of saturating fleet defenses with co. 
ordinated aircraft and missile attacks 
Now Clements really mixed things 
up. He prevailed upon Dr. Alexander 
Flax, former assistant secretary of the Air 
Force for research and development, now 
president of the Institute for Defense 
Analyses. Clements instructed Flax 10 
supervise а crash study of the likelihood 
of using the F-15 on carriers and/or 
adapting the F14 to the Air Force mis 
sion that had been plotted for the F-15. 
The Air Force promptly joined the Navy 
in the sweatbox. Puff sheets on both 
planes poured out of the Services’ pub- 
licity shops. Someone from the Air Force 
slipped into the Navy F-14 program of- 
fices a bunch of blown-up color photo- 
graphs of an F-I5 with a tail hook and 
the marking rJN—for F-snavy. The 
Navy people did not think this was very 
funny. A 1969 report by a Wall Street 
investmentanalyst firm—Bear, Stearns & 


14 in the 


Own Canadian land 
From $35an acre 


Small monthly payments for beautiful Canadian 
land, abounding in wild life. Acquired through 
estate liquidations, properties are in choice loca- 
tions, many with lake or river frontage, 
@f ызы for hunting, fishing, camping. 
Gy cottages, timber, minerals. Invest 
ment potential enormous! 


| Write for free ca 


dogue! ` ~ 


Title guaranteed. 


‘Ganadian Estate Land 


Dept. PB, 286 Lawrence Ave. W. Toronto. Out. Canad: MSM 183 


PLAYBOY 


When you're raising the stakes, use 
embossed Rabbit-head poker chips. 
AK5000, from Playboy. Only $2.50* per 
box of 100 mixed red, while and black 
chips. plus 50ё for shipping and han- 
dling. Send check or money order to: 
Playboy Products, Dept. PP62 
igan Ave. 

Chicago, Illinois 60611 

No C.O.D. orders. Playboy Club credit 
keyholders may charge (please include 
Key number). "Ill. residents—add 5% (ах. 


21 of them 

Seven different $ 550 
kinds for just 

There are differences between some 

brands of condoms. 

^ busy drug store with self-service 
or women clerks is hardly a comfort- 
able place to compare contraceptive 
brands. That’s why thousands of peo- 
ple order by mail from us. 

Try some of the new contours in 
condoms, the new superthin latexes, 
the exotic new colors, and sensi 
new lubricants. You'll be happier be- 
cause of it. 

Your order shipped within 36 hours, 
plain packaged for privacy. Money 
fully refunded for any unused portion 
if you aren't absolutely satisfied. 


Sensitive Products Corp. 

Р.0. Box 562, Hopkins, Minn. 55343 

D Enclosed — $5.50 for '21' Sam- 
pler-Pak plus catalog. 

D Enclosed — $3.50 for 'I2' Sam- 
ріег-Рак plus catalog. 

DEnclosed—25¢ for illustrated 
catalog only. 


Name. 


DE e a и 


201 


PLAYBOY 


202 


Co.—bcgan to look awfully prophetic, It 
had been published at a time when both 
the F-14, then called the VFX, and the 
F-15, then called the EX, were still in the 
experimental stage. Under the heading 
"Pentagon Rivalries,” the report had 
said: 


How well a new airplane could do 
against a prospective Russian fighter 
is ply not really the batde 
which now matters the most. A much 
important and basic consid 
eration is the "Eternal War,” that i 
the Navy a st the Air Force and 
the Army, all w the Defense De- 
partment. It would appear that the 
Navy created the VEX [F-1] partly 
from a selfpreservation instinct to 
escape subjugation by the Air Force- 
administered F-I11 program. .. . The 
Air Force, on the other hand, has 
been quite embarrassed in the last 
few years when circumstances have 
dictated that it adopt tactical aircraft 
developed by the Navy... . It 
pears, however, that the Navy's 
choice of the VFX concept leaves 
considerable room for improvement, 
and an Air Force ЕХ [F-15] could 
now emerge with significantly better 
sup: 
FX alsa 
the Navy. 


Clements looked at the studies, heard 
ош the admirals, generals, Service secre- 
ies and corporate executives involved 
nd went before the Tactical Air Power 
Subcommittee of the Senate Armed 
Services Committee. with a. plan-on-top- 
ofplans that left the subcommittee in- 
credulous, He proposed a three plane 
prototype competition, with the winner 
to become the Navy's new fighter: a 
stripped-down F-14 sans Phoenix missiles 
and firecontol system; ап ЕЛ5 recon- 
figured for carrier duty and a modernized 
F-4. Clements said this program, replete 
with "f-offs" among the three contest 
nts, would cost about $250,000,000 but 
would settle the issue. The Navy 
mediately end-ran Clements and leaked 
its own cost estimate to the subcommittee: 
$75,000,000. Whatever the cost, the sub- 
committee asked Clements, why do you 
need “prototypes” of planes that already, 
in effect, exist? Where do you think you're 
going to get the money? Clements said he 
would answer the first question in detail 
at a later date. He said he hadn't figured 
out the answer to the second question. A 
couple of weeks later, he told the House 
Armed Services Committee that his pro- 
totype-competition program would cost 
only $150,000,000, because he had decided 
to eliminate the F4 [rom consideration. 
He said he would get the money for the 
remodelings and fly-offs by slowing the 
Navy's conversion of ships and transfer- 
ig the funds from one place to another 
in the Navy budget. The House pancl 
seized on this with great fervor. It not 


only denicd approval of the prototype 
program but also cut from thc Navy 
budget the $187,000,000 that had been 
requested for conversion of the ships. 
During this period, a Grumman 
publicrelations executive telephoned a 
publicrelations executive at Raytheon 
Company in Lexington, Massachusetts, 
which makes the Sparrow and Sidewinder 
missiles, Worrying about the F-14 had 
long since become their shared pastime. 
“Don't tell me," said the Raytheon man 
jocularly, on picking up the phone, “that 
a Sidewinder has shot down an F-14." 
Long silence at the other end and re- 
flections on ESP. “No,” said tie Grum- 
man man, "it was a Sparrow.” 
High over the Pacific off California, 
an F14 had practicefired a Sparrow. 
Instead of dropping ten to twelve feet 
before its rocket motor fired, the Sparrow 
gyrated back upward and mashed the 
fuselage, The F-14 pitched up, caught fire 
and plummeted into the sca. Fortunately, 
the Sparrow had been unarmed. The 
pilot and radar officer were rescued. No 
one held this mishap against the plane it- 
self. But by now, the cost of each plane 
in a projected production run of more 
than 300 had soared to more than 
520,000,000 and the Navy publicity mill 
whirred furiously in behalf of the F-14. 
Just in case Clements were to follow 
through with his scheme to strip the Tom- 
cat of its Phoenix system, the Navy began 
emphasizing the plane's other virtues. 
“The E14 fighter,” said a puff sheet, “is 
not being purchased simply because it 
can carry the Phocnix missile, This а 
craft has many other features not cu 
rently available in Navy fighters but 
which are vitally needed to accomplish 
the Navy mission. Its aiv-superiority ar- 
mament load is flexible. . 
The Navy also dragooned the Marine 
Corps, which had planned to renovate its 
squadrons with FAJs. Secretary of the 
Navy John W. Warner and Chief of 
Naval Operations Elmo R. Zumwalt bc- 
gan pressuring М Commandant 
Robert E. Cushman to buy F-l4s instead. 
Cushman balked. All three were called 
to testify before a House committee. 
Cushman insisted that he wanted F-4]s. 


ine 


Zumwalt claimed that Cushman had made 
Warner tried to keep 


bad deci 
the controversy from flaring any further 
in public, saying that the issue was still 
open and that he would make the final 
decision. Stubbornly, Zumwalt, who had 
become a z 
referred to Cushman's bad decision. A 
few wecks later, before a Senate commit- 
tee, Cushman testified that the Marines 
now planned to buy F-14s. He was asked 
why he had changed his mind. “My mis- 
sion has been changed,” he said somewhat 
sheepishly, Simple. The Navy brass ar- 
bitrarily had decided that Marine fighter. 
planes would take on the extra duty of 
helping Navy fighter planes defend the 


Meet. To do this, they would have to 
be Е-145. Senator Stuart Symington, at 
the time the acting chairman of the 
Armed Services Committee, accused 
Warner of “shoving the F-14 down the 
throats of the Marines.” Warner flashed 
anger in his quick denial. It did not ring 
true. Neither, for that matter, did Sy- 
mington’s dudgeon. He represented Mis- 
souri, home of McDonnell Douglas, 
maker of the F-4 and the F-15. His con- 
cern with resolving the fighter issue was 
something less than pure. 

Now the battle got very rough, 


deed. 


Dispensing with the superficial niceties 
y fired 


of interservice rivalries, the N 
g for the 
experimental engine then under develop- 
ment by Pratt & Whitney. A “fact sheet” 
ig the headline “THE F-15 Is INHER- 
ENTLY A was circulated 
in Congress and in the offices of the De- 
fense Department. It went, induding the 
italics, as follows: 


Of the 34 major manned fighter- 
bomber weapon systems developed 
by the Air Force and Navy since the 
Korean War, only three with simul- 
taneous development of new engines, 
new airframes and new avionics [a 
perfect description of the F-15] 
reached full production without m: 
jor developmental problems. These 

ircraft were the B-17 and B-52, Ai 
Force bombers, and the F105, an 
Air Force fighter bomber. Among 
those aircraft which were canceled 
or limited in production due to 
simultaneous development. were the 
YFi?, XB-70, F3H-I, ЕЛИВ, F- 
IIA, SR-7l, B58 and ASA. All 
other aircraft which reached produc 
tion successfully had only one or two 
components developed at the same 
me. The F-I4 uses proven engines 
and avionics, combined with a new 
ай frame—it minimizes risk. 


Like magic, the F-15 engine began act- 
ing up in tests. In the first ten months of 
1973, it broke down several times, caus- 
ing fires and explosions. By the middle 
of the year, vigorous Ben Bellis was in 
hot water at the Pentagon. 

Major General Benjamin N. Bellis, 
, onc of the new breed of techno- 
managerial generals. His mission: Direct 
the development of the F-15 and shepherd 
it into production. Qualifications: U.S. 
Military Academy, 1946. Degree in mi 
tary engineering, wings of a pilot. Service 
with the Strategic Air С п 
Force Systems Command; Special Weap- 
ons Projects Office; Reconnaissance and 
Electronic Warfare, Aeronautical Sys- 
tems Division; Legion of Merit with oak 
leaf cluster; Air Force Commendation 
Medal with oak leaf cluster; Master 
Missileman Badge—just to name a few. 

Watching General Bellis get into the 
cockpit of an F-15 was like watching 
nderella dance with the prince. Bellis 


“Actually, ma'am, they call me Squeezebox on account 
of this here instrument I'm playin’.” 


203 


PLAYBOY 


АП Back 

issiesot PLAYBOY 

From first issue (Vol. 1, No. 1) 
oy | to present issues. Send 
$1.00 for complete price 


list. Your $1.00 is re. 
pellent condition. Seed} funded on first order, 
list of what you have. 


Clints Book 510ге,3943-Р Main, Kansas City, Mo. 64111 


Fon shit 
ical 


calendars. Playgiris and 
Penthouses, elc. in er- 


Honda Buckle 


Specify brown/black/size, 
Add $1 for postage and handling. 
Catalog $1, refundable with first Purchase. 
SHEFFIELD FARMS ENTERPRISES 
Р.О. BOX 2286, CHAPEL HILL, NC 27514 


DEALER INQUIRIES INVITED 
Yu Y 7 


m J schooner. 10 days of 
thing. skin- |, exploring 
‘sands 5245 eies meals” 


WHO DELIVERS? 
SEE PAGE 17. 


The luxury of SATIN SHEETS 


Experience the intimate, Inviting elegance of s; 


MACHINE WASHABLE! 225 thread count with 150 
denier thread. 7 sensuous colors: Black, Red, 
White, Gold, Royal Blue, Avocado Cı Plum 
Purple. Our prices include: 1 fitted bottom sheet, 
1 straight top sheet, 2 pillowcases . . . others don't- 
Twin Set $19.50 Queen Sei 23,50 
Full (abi. bed) $20.50 King Set 21.50 


Name 
Address 
сиу 
State 


Charge to my. 
O BarkAmericard 


O Mastercharge 
D American Express 


signature. 


Send check or money order or use your credit card. 
Ме pay postage. Retail Sales 10-0, Mon thru Fri 


Royal Creations, Ltd. 


330 Fifth Ave., New York, N. Y. 10001 


would have done anything to bring off the 
F-15 program. He did one thing that he 
probably should not have done, in terms 
of furthering his own career, but that, as 
it turned out, may have been the best 
thing at the time for his program. He re- 
laxed the performance requirements of 
the F-15 superengine just before it w: 
put to final testing in the air. The Defense 
Department and the Air Force had 
specified that those requirements—ur 
axed—were to be met or exceeded be- 
fore the engine could be committed to 
production. Bellis had the authority to 
make his decision, but he made the m 

take of not immediately telling his Air 
Force or Defense Department superiors 
what he had done. He just told them that 
the engine had passed its air tests. They 
then released $38,000,000 to Pratt & Whit- 
ney to get the engine production started. 

This might have gone unremarked had 
not the engine encountered severe prob- 
lems during а 150-hour endurance test- 
ing. Run up to maximum thrust for long 
periods of time in a ground chamber that 
simulated high-altitude atmospheric con 
ditions, the engine’s turbine blades kept 
breaking off. Over one stretch, more than 
half of the 64 blades had to be replaced 
and their cooling tubes strengthened. 
They were overheating badly. The Air 
Force felt faint about it. The original 
deadline for the testing passed, with the 
engine still partially disassembled in the 
aftermath of the latest of the fiery fail- 
ures. Finally, the engine passed the test. 
But the Air Force, already committed to 
its production and staking the whole fu- 
turc of the F-15 on its performance, was 
forced to spend more millions on 
component improvement.” A big black 
cloud had settled over the F-15, Maybe 
the engine would pan out and maybe it 
wouldn't. 

Bellis said of his decision to ease the 
engine's air-test strictures: He had been 
justified because the test pilots had found 
that the F-15 airframe induced less drag 
than its designers had anticipated. Thi 
meant that the engine could be checked 


out 


cnürcty) still would 
ass the standards. 

ine ever built could have 
passed that modified test," Bellis snorted, 
nd still I have to walk into Washington 
with my tail between my legs.” 

Not long after all tl Bellis was told 
that he would be reassigned as com- 
mander of the Air Force Systems Com- 
mand’s Electronic System Division at 
Hanscom Air Force Base, Massachusetts. 
"This appeared to be a natural progres- 
sion in his carcer. He had seen the F-15 
through development and into produc- 
tion. Despite the trouble with the ground- 
chamber testing of the F-15's engine, the 
power plants of the Eagles already in the 
ir were performing superbly. So the re- 
assignment probably was no knock on 


Bellis. Still, some in the Pentagon said 
that he would have preferred to stay with 
first love, the F-15, because it was not 
yet fully out of the flak. They said his 
move could be assessed as a boost upward 
or а shove sideways only later, when his 
promotion fell due 

While in charge of the F-15 program, 
Bellis figured in two incidents that showed 
how passionate, even puerile, the rivalry 
between the Air Force and the Navy over 
the fighter planes had become. Addressing 
a convention at Edwards Air Force Base, 
California, the F-15 flight-test center, Bel- 
lis extolled the F-15 as the fighter capable 
of “gaining and maintaining air superi- 
ority for the United States through atr-to- 
air combat, using nonnudear weapon 
in the post-1975 period." When Bellis 
had finished praising the F-15's “firsts,” 
а Navy F-14 pilot in the audience chal- 
lenged, in all seriousness, the Air Force 
to a duel between the Tomcat and the 
Eagle, using live ammunition. To the 
relief of the dumb-struck audience, Bellis 
showed maturity by not responding in 
kind. Privately, he must have seethed. 

On the subject of possible dogfights, 
Air Force Colonel Frank Bloomcamp and 
avy Commander Rene “Call Me Sam" 
Leeds agreed on one thing: The F4 
Phantom, which both had flown in com- 
bat over Vietnam, left an awful lot to be 
desired. Bloomcamp, with a big grin, 
called the dog meat" in compar 
with the fighter he now flies 
tical Air Command. Leeds, less assertive, 
recalled that he'd had trouble seeing to 
the rear in the F-4, that the Migs had 
been especially troublesome 
quarters, in pop-up situations 
adapting the F4 to fighter tactics had 
been “like trying to make a Cadillac into 
a small sports car." So much for the F-4. 
The issue now was the Eagle, Bloom. 
camp's baby. versus the Tomcat, Leeds's 
new love. Which would win if the two 
superfighters, the subjects of so much 
bitter controversy between the two Serv- 
ices, were to go at it, missiles to missiles, 
gun to gun, speed to speed, turn to turn? 
Bloomcamp and Leeds disagree 
course, on the outcome. 

І interviewed Bloomcamp one clear 
bluc day at Andrews Air Force Base near 
Washington as he made ready to strap on 
his parachute. In a few minutes, he would 
pull shut the canopy of his sky-blue F-15, 
i out and, in less than 30 seconds, 
literally fly the fighter out of sight in а 
near-vertical climb, How would he do 
baule with the F-14? Would he win? 

"Sure, РІ be glad to talk about it,” 
Bloomcamp said. “Yes, I could take him, 
especially if he wanted to come into 
me and пу to turn with me. If he got the 
six-o’clock position on me, I'd use the 
turn performance I've got in this air- 
plane and make him overshoot. My air- 
plane lets me exploit classic tactics to the 
maximum, at all ranges. At long range, 
maybe we'd both be shot down carly in 


and that 


the fight. He's got the Phoenix; but Гуе 
got the Sparrow, and it's a lot better bird 
than it used to be. It could ро out and get 
him. Just give me one chance to find 
him and lock on, That's all 1 should need. 
I'd probably sce him better. He's got a 
second but the second man is busy 
looking at the displays. Гуе got the best 
cockpit visibility any fighter has ever had. 
I think my radar is better than his. Ive 
got the good look-down radar. If we both 
missed with the radar missiles, I'd keep 
coming. Га keep pressing the attack. 
Everything I did would be aimed at ac- 
complishing one thing: getting around 
behind him, where he wouldn't see me. 
As I come in, I shoot the IR [infrared 
Sidewinder] missiles. If he’s not dead by 
then. 1 go on in and get him with the gun. 
1go from maximum-detection range right 
on up to his tail pipe.” 

By the time I interviewed Leeds, he 
deskbound at the Pentagon, as the 
ys F-l4 program coordinator. Leeds 
had commanded the first Е-14 
squadron at Miramar Naval 
The squadron had just gone operatio 
aboard the carrier Enterprise. “I wish I 
were back with them,” he said. “I'm eager 
to see us explore the tactics. We don't 
know yer just how much this airplane can 
actually do and I believe it will be even 
better than we expect.” 

Could he defeat the F-15? Leeds nod- 
ded. But he said he prelerred to discuss 
the relative merits of the F-14 and the 
plane it was тер in the fleet—the 
4—ánd leave the F-15 out of it. On be- 
ing told of Bloomcamp's confidence of 
victory in the F-15, Leeds allowed the Air 
Force pilot his privilege but said that 
confrontive comparisons served по pur- 
pose: "I'd rather not play that game.” 
‘The best thing in any air-to-air com- 
,” the commander continued, 
get the quick kill. The longer you stay in 
the fight, the more risk you run—in any 
airplane—that somebody will get in be- 
hind you. The quick kill is the key to the 
Е-14. It has the Phoenix and the Sparrow 
and the radar-firecontrol system that 
gives you a God's-eye view; continuous, 
itomatic mapping and lod The 
whole picture out there, You can pre- 
empt rgets all at once with the 
ar very long s. It makes no 
difference whether you are up against 
ly superior fighter 
ives you selective, intel 
ligent engagement. The radar even tells 
you which target you should shoot at first. 
and when you do, it picks out the next. 
And not only at Jong range. The first 
\ face us would get missiles shot a 
them from very close quarters. That's 
something they ve never seen before.” 

But what would happen if the F15 
penetrated the F-4's picket of missiles? 
It would be very interesting,” Leeds 
said. "It would be a two-man air crew 
inst one man. The F-14 has an excel- 
lent turn rate, 100. W pitted the F-14 


wa 


against the T-38 and the F-86, which is 
probably the bestturning aircraft ever 
developed up to now, and we've been 
beating both of them in the dogfight.” 
About 2 month after the interviews 
with Bloomcamp and Leeds, an intri 
guing story began to surface at the P. 
tagon. lt seemed that Chief of Na 
Operations Zumwalt, prior to his retire- 
ment, had challenged Air Force Chief of 
Staff George S. Brown, prior to his be- 
coming Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of 
Staff, to a dogfight "fly.oll" of the two 
fighters. Brown accepted. The Eagle 
the Tomcat did not actually go up agai 
each other; rather, their performances 
were measured by data-processing devices, 
mounted aboard. which computed such 
dogfighter vital signs as sustained g force, 
imum g force, turn rate, turn radius 
and thrust. In each category, according to 
the charts, the F-15 was the clear winner. 
The Pentagon kept the results classified. 
Then Senator Thomas F. Eagleton 
criticized the Pentagon for “covering up 
the test results showing the F 
ferior aircraft, in order to preserve the 
pride of the Navy.” Eagleton's motives 
were impugned at the Pentagon. Me- 
Donnell Douglas is his constituent. But 
he had gained access to the fly-off charts 
s firing at the F-14 fr 
“I am especially concerned, 
agleton said, “that the U.S. Gover 
ment have given erroneous 
formation about the two planes to the 
government of Iran. 
Grumman. The Fl4 might have been 
adequate in the air-combat role if the F- 
401 engine it was designed to take һай 
worked out. But with the 12-year-old T 
30 engine, it is nothing more than a Ton 


m: 


14 to be an 


in- 


may 


in order to bail out 


Turkey, the name assigned to it by Navy 
and Air Force pilots alike.” His reference 
to Iran concerns the second of Belli 
problems with the F-15. 

It occurred at an air show of the two 
fighters at Andrews Air Force Base. Shah 
Mohammed Riza Pahlevi of Iran had 


come to the United States to shop for 


some American weapons. Iran was al- 
ready on its way to possessing the finest 
air force in the Middle East. But the sh 


himself a pilot, was not content. Soviet 
Foxbats, more heavily armed and longer- 


sors in the long line of Migs, had been 
casing his kingdom from altitudes up to 
80,000 feet. The sh; mied a plane that 
could go up there, if need be, or at least 
fire up there, and get them. He had his 
eye on the F-14 and the F-15. The Per 
gon showed them off for him. 

The F15 pilot demonstrated 
Eagles near-vertical take-off, 
climb, slow appro: 
celeration and landing, keeping it simple 
nd straightforward. But the F14 
did all that and more: Immelmann t 
fancy rolls, upsidedown passes Tha 
night at the Pentagon, several Air Force 
officers groused about what had happened 
at Andrews. “We had agreed with the 
Navy,” said one, “that the demonstrations 
would be limited to specific maneuvers 
The Navy turned it into a stunt show, 
hot-dogging." 

Bellis, who had been there, brushed it 
off. He had briefed the shah оп the F-15. 
on three occasions prior to the show, at 
least once in Teheran, and was satisfied 
that the shah, if he had any sense, would 
favor the F-15 in the end. Bellis speculated 
that even the shah would balk at the 
$20,000,000 for the F-14 compared with 


the 
rate of 
ast approach, ac- 


“What good is it if you can't screw it?” 


205 


PLAYBOY 


under $15,000,000 for the F-15. But the 
shah fooled him. 

rly in 1974, His Highness signed up 
for 30 F-Ms at about $900,000,000. The 
Air Force offered to sell the shah 53 
Е.155 to go along with the F-14s and was 
led to believe, by the Defense Depart- 
ment officials, that the sale probably 
would go through. 

Air Force Secretary John L. McLucas 
estimated that an Iranian order for 53 F- 
15s would save the Air Force $150.000,000. 
But the shah turned down the Air Force 
offer and signed up, instead, for another 
lot of 50 Fs, for an additional one bil- 
lion dollars. The Air Force gencrals were 
livid. Stories spread like wildfire in the 
Pentagon. One of them suggested that the 
Defense Department had juggled figures 
10 make the F-14 less costly than it really 
was and to make the F-15 more costly 
than it really was. Why? To go along with 
the Navy in wying to save Grumman's 
solvency and to make sure that the F14 
program did not meet an untimely death 
for insufficiency of funding by the Navy 
alone. Another story had it that overseas 
salesmen of McDonnell Douglas had 
pushed the shah too hard to buy ЕЛ% 
and that he had reacted petulantly by 
buying more F-H4s. Yer another version. 
the most logical, was that the shah had 
decided to buy only one type of fighter in 
order to simplify the 10; -the spare 
parts, ground-support equipment, train- 
ing and the like—and that he was looking 
forward to augmenting the F14 not with 
the F-15 but with one of the newer, light- 
weight fighters coming along. Whatever, 
the Air Force was down, the Navy up. 
But пос for long. 

Moments Tater, it scemed. Grumman 
me knocking on the Navy's door, like 

panhandler from the past, demanding 
another multimilliondollar escalation of 
ng once again to 
F-M production unless its 
The Navy ple; 


shut 
contract were revised. 
and Congress grumpily agreed. The 


down 


subsided for a while—until 
went back to the Pentagon yet again, only 
а few months later. The company h; 
been unable to get bank I 
over until April 1975. It was in the nasty 
predicament of not having enough. cash 
to continue to meet its payrolls. The Navy 
had been "advancing" (Pentagon code 
word for lending) Grumman money at a 
ate of interest so far below the prevail- 
ng commercial rate as to be laughable. 
These advance payments had amounted 
to about $51,000.00. Now Grumman 
other $45,000,000 or so and the 


lvances outstanding. 
though the Navy agreed to increase 
nterest rate on the next loan to a 
level more like that of the real world, the 
Senate voted overwhelmingly and angrily 
to let Grumman get its loan from com- 
nks like everyone else. Even 


F14 buff Barry Goldwater took this 
position, 

In October 1974, a consortium of U. S. 
banks and the Bank МеШ of Iran solved 
Grumman's problem for the time being 
by lending the company $200,000,000. 
This enabled Grumman to pay back the 
money that the Navy had advanced, main. 
tain its cash flow and meet its payrolls, 
continue F-H production at a steady pace 
and look ahead to rolling out 80 Tom- 
cats for the air arm of the Imper 
Iranian Armed Forces. beginning 
1976. Irony lay heavily in all this. Shortly 
after the announcement of the loan to 
Grumman, President Ford and Secretary 
of Stare Henry Kissi ade back-to- 
back speeches in which they hinted of 
drastic measures against the oil-produc- 
ing nations unless those nations lowered 
the price of oil, which was threatening 
to undo the economies of the U.S. and, 
more immed . of western Europe. 
In quick response, the shah reminded 
Ford that in the batde over 
Tran, as а member of the ой 
ganization of Petroleum Exporting Coun 
tries, stood squarely on the side of his 
Arab neighbors. Was it possible that the 
U. S. would be forced to take the ultimate 
anti action and someday have to 
fight against F-14s and other American- 
made weapons in the Middle East? 

Withal, the Great Fighter Plane Battle 
inside the Pentagon had wrung out both 
the F-14 and the F-15 programs and both 
Services, too. Neither fighter, it seemed, 
would be produced in anywhere near the 
quantities that the Air 
avy had counted on iı 
The fighters would be augmented, 
stead, by greater numbers of a new breed 
of bird, much lighter, less costly, less 
sophisticated in elearonics and weapo: 
ry, bur superior even to the F-15 as 
clear-weather dogfighter. 
the quic! 
that American pilots had lacked over Viet- 
nam. The need for these new planes—first 
called Lightweight Fighters and then Ай 
Combat Fighters—was demonstrated by 
the war in Southeast Asia and clinched 
by what happened over the Middle East 
in the Yom Kippur war of 1973. In three 


Force and the 
the beginning. 


a 
These would be 
turning, swilt-sprinting fighters 


weeks of combat, the losses of Isracli 
planes ко surfaccto-ai iles was суе 
popping: more than 100, costing hu 


dreds of millions of dollars. This gave 
pause to the Pentagon as it shaped and 
sized its air wings of the future. The 
heavy attrition of equipment to modern 
ir-defense weapons is sufficient in itself 
to militate against forming air forces ex- 
clusively with planes costing $15,000,000 
to $20.000.000 apiece. such as the F-15 
and the F-14. One F-15 might be as good 
as two or three lightweights, but when it 
has been shot down, there is nothing 
left and the air is the enemy’s. The new 
Air Combat Fighters chosen for Air Force 
production early in 1976 also caught on 
in Europe, where NATO nations lined 


up to buy them as replacements for the 
aging American-made fighters in шей 
inventories. The shah, naturally, indicat- 


ed that he would be in the market for the 
just about 


Combat 
eliminated any dh 
the F-15, which had become too high- 
priced for the European market as well. 
The Eagle had been caught in the middle, 
but its ma turer was fighting back. 

As 1974 drew to a close, McDonnell 
Douglas persisted in trying to sell F-I5s 
to the shah and in Europe. Moreover, the 
company made the Defense Department 
and the U.S. Air Force an intriguing of- 
fer: It would sell them 1000 or so Е-155 
at about the same price they would pay 
the same size fleet made up of a combi 
ion of Air Combat Fighters and F-15s. 
The extra quantity of s would enable 
ny to lower the unit price and 
enable the Air Force to have an all-F-15, 
all-weather fighter force, thus simplify 
the maintenance, spare-parts handling 
pilot training. This proposition embar 
rassed the Pentagon, which tried to keep 
it quiet. The Air Combat Fighter was 
where the action lay now, and McDonnell 
Douglas was mucking up the scenario 
The Pentagon likes to feed as many air- 
plane manufacturers with new contracts 
as it can. If it were to buy all planes of 
any one type from one company. other 
s would dic. In dealing with 
aerospace industry that operates, in its 
best years, at a grossly inefficient 60 pe 
cent of capacity, the Pentagon's approach 
is to hand out as much money as it can 
хо as many companies as possible, rather 
than concentrate its aircraft procurement 
on a few companies and let the others 
adjust to the commercial market or go 
out of business. This may seem to be in 
keeping with the concept of free ent 
prise, but it really isn't. It amounts to 
subsidies. The Air Force and the Navy 
always seem to find a mission for an air 
plane that a marginal company might be 
able to produce and then see to it that 
the marginal company gets the business 
This makes for a Pentagon-regulated in- 
dustry and for much confusion and waste 
аай. procurement, 

There will be still more goodies for the 
industry even after the Air Force and the 
Navy become fully stocked with F Ms, 
F-14s and Air Combat ‘The Serv- 
ices are already deep into "advanced" 
fighter technology, involving new concepts 
of propulsion, aerodynamics, electronic 


ighters, too. Th 
ce of his ever bu 


nd 


am, and just as surely as it led 
n of new planes the new 
m will, too, The one 
а new superfighter is 
be superseded. As 
they the Pentagon: If it has al 
ready flown, it is already obsolete. 


wo 
technology 
sure thing 


А DASH OF THIS, AND A SGUIKTOF THAT. 
SHAKE WITH ICE AND А PIMENTO ~- THERE? TAKE 
THIS EVERY MORNING AND YOUR BACKACHE WILL BE 
GONE BEFORE YOU GET MY BILL. 


MMM IT LOOKS DELICIOUS — 


YOU DON'T 
DRINK гт, DUMMY? 
YOU INJECT 'T? 
d 


By-HORVEY KURIZMAN ÁND WILUELDER 


-A COMPOUND 
ОЕ VARIOUS VITAMINS, 
GOLLY, HORMONES, CELLULAR 
DOCTOR ~ ALL THESE EXTRACTS AND д SOUPÇON 

THINGS =~- 1 MEAN, ARE OF AMPHETAMINE » НАНА, 

THEY VERY STRONG? | NEVER FEAR, MY CHILD, 

MEAN 1S IT HABIT WOULD X PRESCRIBE 

FORMING? D. SOMETHING THAT WAS 


HABIT FORMING!? 


Н, RUTHIE -> DR, FEELGOOD 15 A 
MIRACLE WORKER? HIS INJECTION MADE ME 
FEEL $000 СЕ! 


| 


Z ~ FIXEO THE 
— Gack, DID HE? 


NO! BUT 
WHO CARES! 


PLAYBOY 


LISTEN? 

I DON'T LIKE THE 
IDEA OF INJECTIONS. 
YOU PROBABLY JUST 

HAVE A PULLED 
MUSCLE. MAYBE 
BÀ YOU SHOULO SEE A 
\ CHIROPRACTOR. 


BUT, RUTHIE, THERE'S 
NOTHING. кона WITH MY 
a 


FAVORITE TECHNIQUE 
15, SIMPLY, YOU SHOW ME WHERE 
IT HURTS, ANO 1 KIS5 THE 
600600 AND MAKE IT 
A FEEL BETTER. 


-POH-LEASE^ 
DON'T SQUEEZE THE 
PATIENTS! 


IVE PALPATED YOUR 
VERTEBRAE AND FOUND 
SUBLUXATIONS THAT WILL HAVE 
TO BE WORKED OUT? 


208 


You 
CIO RIGHT 
TOCOME 
HERE, MISS. 
THE | 
CHIKOPRACTOR 
DOESN'T 
BELIEVE IN 
POISONING 
THE BODY WITA 
CHEMICALS? 
~ONLY WITH 


THAT'S MR. WHIPPLE, 
MY ACCOUNTANT? HE DOESN'T 
TAKE OUR WORK SERIOUSLY ~> HE ANO. 
THE OTHER FOOLS WHO DO NOT REALIZE 
THAT CHIROPRACTIC HAS EMERGED AS A 


GREAT, NEW, SCIENTIFIC APPROACH 


DOESN'T 
THIS MAKE 


HOW'D IT GO, HON 2 DID. 
DR. CRANKSHAFT FIX YOU UP ? 


ТЕСИ JEEPERS? | 
AWRENCH <= M 
ТУЕ GOT SUCH А PAIN IN MY тунар 
NECK My BACK FEELS GOOD ENDINGS. 
Y COMPARISON: ACUPUNCTURE 
WORKS LIKE 
ANESTHETIC 


RUTHIE, 
1M GETTING 
DESPERATE. THERE'S 
AN ACUPUNCTURIST 
DOWNSTAIRS. | THINK 


TLL TRY HIM. 


— YOU FEEL WHEN 1 VOU REALLY No 
OO NET GDESTON TOUCH VOU HERE - FEEL REN 1 RUE YOD 
HERE? > | SQUEEZE HARD 
MYSTERIOUS WAYS OF THE EAST. TOR AOAN МГГА ЖЕ? 


x" CROSE ÉVES NOU FEEL WHEN 
1 TOUCH VOU HERE? 


— HE PUT NEEDLES IN MY TOES? 
HE BURNED INCENSE IN MY BELLY BUTTON! 
IT WAS ALL RIGHT UNTIL I TOOK OFF MY PANTIES. 1. 
SHOULD HAVE BEEN SUSPICIOUS WHEN HE SAID HE WAS 
GOING TO INSERT HIS “LIVING NEEDLE" 
1 BARELY ESCAPED? 


“ОН, RUTHIE => WILL MY BACK 
EVER BE NORMAL AGAIN? 


EXCRUSE МЕ, 
BUT THIS INSCRUTABLE 
ORIENTAL 15 GETTING TOO. 
SCRUTABLE. MUST ANESTHETIZE 
AREAS OF OWN HUMBLE SELF, 
OR ELSE I'M GONNA GET 
MY LOCKS OFF. 


EXCRUSE, 
WHILE | STERIRIZE 
NEW BATCH OF NEEDLES. 
~ HALF AN HOUR LATER, 
NOU HUNGRY FOR 
MORE. 


p 


СТЕНИ 


PLAYBOY 


210 


PLAYBOY 
READER SERVICE 


Write to Playboy Reader Service for 
answers to your shopping questions. 
We will provide you with the name 
of a retail store in or near your city 
where you can buy any of the spe- 
dod. items advertised or edito- 
rially featured in PLAYBOY. For 
example, where-to-buy information is 
available for the merchandise of the 
advertisers in this issue listed below. 


We will be happy to answer any of 
your other questions on fashion, 
travel, food and drink, stereo, etc. 
If your question involves items you 
saw in PLAYBOY, please specify page 
number and issue of the magazine 
as well as a brief description of the 
items when you write. 345 


PLAYBOY READER SERVICE 
Playboy Building, 919 N. Michigan Ave. 
ci » Minois 60611 


O 3yrs.fors24 (Save $24.00) 
O 1yr. for $10 (Save $6.00) 
[ Payment enclosed bill tater 


TO: 


me — (please print) 


address 


ay ate "ip cade no, 


Mail to PLAYBOY 


Playboy Building. 919 N. Michigan Ave 
‘Chicago, Illinois 60611 


7032 


NEXT MONTH: 


DREAM CARS. 


ВЕР. BOARD 


“WISH YOU WERE HERE’’—A GOOD FRIEND'S NOSTALGIC 
RECOLLECTIONS OF A VERY HUMAN JOHN f. KENNEDY AND THE 
VANISHED DAYS OF CAMELOT—BY WASHINGTON POST EXECU- 
TIVE EDITOR BENJAMIN C. BRADLEE 


“(LADY SPAIN''—YOU MEET THE STRANGEST PEOPLE AT A SAN 
FRANCISCO BENEFIT. A LOVE STORY—BY HERBERT GOLD 


DUSTIN HOFFMAN TALKS ABOUT FAME, MARRIAGE, HIS EF- 
FORTS TO MAKE LENNY BRUCE LIVE AND HIS BRIEF CAREER AS A 
MACY'S PITCHMAN IN AN EXCLUSIVE PLAYBOY INTERVIEW 


“HOW I ALMOST BEAT PANCHO GONZALES’’—WELL, ANY- 
WAY, THE WRITER MANAGED TO RETURN A FEW SERVES. A FRUS- 
TRATING SCENARIO—BY PETER NORD 


“BOCKMAN, AND WHY HIS ARM NEVER GOT BROKEN"'—A 
TALE ABOUT AN UNEMPLOYED ENGINEER WHO COULDN'T TWO- 
STEP AT THE CAR-REPAIR SHOP—BY JORDAN CRITTENDEN 


“PLAYBOY’S SPRING AND SUMMER FASHION FORECAST''— 
WHAT TO WEAR WHEN IT WARMS UP—BY ROBERT L. GREEN 


“AGGRESSION” —IS SAM PECKINPAH YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE 
DIRECTOR? OR ARE YOU A CLOSET CASPAR MILQUETOAST? A 
QUIZ TO RANK YOUR HOSTILITY QUOTIENT—BY SCOT MORRIS 


“THE MODEL’’—WHEN JOSE WENT TO POSE, THE HORNY LADY 
ARTIST HAD TO HELP HIM GET UP FOR THE OCCASION. AGAIN, 
AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN—BY AL CAPP 


“EAT YOUR HEART OUTI"—FANTASTIC EUROPEAN CARS YOU 
CAN'T BUY HERE FOR LOVE NOR MONEY—BY BROCK YATES 


“WALKING THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL'"—HIKING OVER THE 
MOUNTAINTOPS, A WRITER MEETS TOURISTS, A FROSTY-FREEZE 
LADY AND ALOT OF TRUE GRITS—BY HARRY CREWS 


“BED AND BOARD'"—REMEMBER THAT LASCIVIOUS MEAL IN 
THE FLICK TOM JONES? YOU'RE INVITED TO ATTEND OUR EIGHT- 
PAGE CONTEMPORARY TAKE-OFF 


“HISTORY OF SEX, PART FOUR"—WE MOVE ON TO ANOTHER 
CHAPTER IN THIS CARTOONIC CHRONICLE—BY ARNOLD ROTH 


“PRAY FOR FROST"—A REPORT ON A HEGIRA TO LEBANON, 
SAUDI ARABIA AND POINTS MIDEAST WITH A WHEELER-DEALER 
IN THE COMMODITIES MARKET—BY REGINALD POTTERTON 


DEWAR'S PROFILES 


(Pronounced Do-ers “White Label") 


DWIGHT RITTER 


HOME: Scituate, Massachusetts 

AGE: 32 

PROFESSION: Author/Artist 

HOBBIES: Film making, sculpturing, gardening, 
breeding Great Danes. 


MOST MEMORABLE BOOK: “Cris 
Classroom” 


LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Co-designed a 
revolutionary method of teaching which 
utilizes music to provide a learning base for 
reading, writing, history and other subjects. 
QUOTE: *Education in America is at a crucial 
point. The next two decades should utilize 

the development of substance in human beings. 
That can best be done through our 


s in the 


educational system, which must change.” Authentic. there are more than a thousand ways 
Я to blend whiskiesin Scotland, but few are authentic enough 
PROFILE: Exuberant. Outspoken. A dedicated for Dewar's "White Label." The quality standards we set 
believer in maintaining a close family life. down in 1846 have never varied. Into each drop go only 
5 n 3 the finest whiskies from the Highlands, the Lowlands, the. 

SCOTCH: Dewar's “White Label"« Hebrides. 


Dewar's never varies. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


riw: ro Kings, 16 mg. “tar,” 1.1 mg.nicotine; Longs, 77 mg, “tos,” 1.1 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette, FIC Report 71.74