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ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN 


DECEMBER 1976 • $2.00 


HOW'S THIS FOR 
STARTERS? 
NORMAN MAILER 


JOYCE 
CAROL OATES 


BRUCE 
JAY FRIEDMAN 


HONEY BRUCE ON 


GALA 


CHRISTMAS i { LIFE WITH LENNY 
ISSUE _— AN INTERVIEW 
WITH O.J. SIMPSON 

SEX STARS OF 1976 


FELLINI'S WILD 
NEW MOVIE ON 
CASANOMA AND 
HIS CONQUESTS 


AND-YOU 

| CAN TAKE IT- 
A QUIZ TO SEE 

IF YOU'RE REALLY 
SEXUALLY 
LIBERATED 


PLUS MUCH 
MUCH MORE 


Buy two: It's better to give 
and receive. 


A gift bottle of Cutty Sark is a terrific way 
to remember your friends at Christmas. 
But why forget yourself? 

This year, buy an extra bottle of Cutty. 

So while youre doing unto others, 

you can do unto yourself, too. 


If your pulse quickens after dark, Charger is 
your car. Charger has a look that was shaped for the 
night. An excitement to match your mood when 
you've left the day behind. S 

Close yourself in Charger, and the dark ligh 
You're hugged by high-back bucket se; af 


Who needs More? 


If you want a cigarette that delivers more, 
you need More. The 120mm cigarette. 

More is longer and burns slower. So you 
can enjoy the smooth taste puff after extra puff. 

More is styled leaner. In burnished brown. 
For good looks as well as good taste. 

So, if you want more, get More. It’s just 
like any really good cigarette. 
Only there’s more of it. 


uses» memoros romeca со 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
FILTER: 21 mg. "tar", 15 mg. nicotine, | That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 
MENTHOL: 21 mg."tar". 16 mg: nicotine, av. per cigarette, ЕТС Report SEPT. 75. 


Pogo and crew used 
the season of cheer and good 
nd as а special holiday treat, we proudly 
t... Trial of the Warlock, by Norman Mailer. What can 
we say? At I 5 on a religious subject. After a career of 
surprises, Mailer gives us yet another—a screen adaptation of 
а demonic novel called Li-Bas, by J. К. Huysmans, who was 
one of the more notorious obscure French novelists of the 
last century. The setting is fin de siécle P One Monsieur 
s among his friends and pursues his research on a 
Gilles de Rais—a 15th Century companion of 
n of Arc who saw her burned at the stake and later went 
as one of history's all-time, high-scoring monsters. 
Durtal is soon obsessed with him a drawn toward Satanism 
and, as his life 1890 becomes counterpoint to Gilles's hor- 
rible carcer four centuries carlicr, the n: ive moves along in 
dark parallel. fading back and forth between them. In some 
wi it is less a departure for Mai 

the sensational events, it's a 
tween good and evil—and, in other forms. t 
battleground for Mailer. So let's call it his Paradise Lost and 
thank him for remaining complicated. 

Paradise lost for Mario Puzo, author of The Godfather, would 
be the disappearance or the shutting down of his beloved Las 
Vegas—at. least 10 judge by our excerpt from his forthcoming 
Grosset & Dunlap book, Las Vegas Worlds. Once a gambler of 
near epic proportions, Puzo del few kind, 
funny and useful words about one of the most maligned cities 
since Сототаћ. Read Standing Up for Las Vegas (illustrated 
by James Higa) and weep по more for the silver-h: 
handed old ladies pumping the slots. ОГ dr 
itself, Puzo told us, "I've lost more money in legi 
ness ventures designed to avoid taxes than in a whole lifetime 
of steady gambling.” Another argument for tax reform. 

When we met Bruce Joy Friedman several ago, we 
couldn't believe it, Who was this huge, confidently shouldered 
impostor? We had lirst encountered Iman through his two 
fine novels, Stern and A Mother's Kisses, and we were certain 
from them that he was а pitiful, quivering jelly of neuroses, 
slight and bent, as colossally uncomfortable in his own body 
as Stern was in hi this, well, bulky fellow? 
Could it be 1 ged to fool us bec 
he had once 


holiday greeting from our favorite old Kentucky gent. It's by 
that good ole Mississippi colonel, Dick Gregory, and it’s an 
account—done with James R. McGraw and taken from hi 
upcoming book, Up from Nigger (Stein & Day)—of his grand 
scheme in 1964 10 send 20,000 Christmas turkeys to poor folks 
in Mississippi. Gregory has remained true to form. Just last 
summer, he completed a cross country Bicentennial Food Run 
from L.A. to New Yor ging 50 miles а day, six days a 
week—to dramatize world hunger. Lately, he tells us, he 
working with Muhammad Ali on dict and nutrition. 

Bruce could have used some advice on such matters. 
ife. Honey Bruce, was there and. while she didn't see 
all of it, she watched and was part of most, off and on, right 
10 the end—when his diet of junk food and true junk stopped 
him cold on a bathroom floor in the Hollywood Hills. Honey, 
written with Dana Benenson, is how she remembers it—her 
days as a stripper, when she was first turned on sexually by a 
rich, beautiful lesbian; getting hooked on Lenny and, soon 
after, on heroin as well; and then living through his sad, 


PLAY BIL 


MAILER 


LINDERMAN 


PETERSEN, NELLIS 


erz 


AZUMA 


NOLAN, HEISLER, NEKAM 


fanatic final days. (A booklength version of Honey will soon 
be published by Playboy Press.) 

Honey would certainly pass, but how will you do on the 
quiz Are You Sexually Liberated Enough to Make It with 
More than One Person or Species at the Same Time and if 
Not, Why Nol? Do you remember the question? This germ-free 
quiz is illustrated by Pat Nagel а s devised by two of 
our resident sexual experts rch 
Barbera Nellis and Ass 
a shy, timid sort who is frequently mistaken for the Pl: 
Advisor, claims that the quiz grew out of a series of 
who kept laughi 
wrong places and had a story to top every onc he told. Nellis, 
whose office walls are plastered with Mick Jagger posters, so 
nced are Лет fantasies, adds that she has no idea what the 
iz measures but that she and Petersen both passed—and that 
1 call her collect any time. 

ation gocs by several other- 
mes is Hilberry University, an institution in the 
ape of Joyce Carol Oates. There, as she tells us in 
work by Larry Laslo), not much is tolerated beyond 
e and the average, and true eccentricity—or 
be certain that Hilberry 
bears no resemblance to Windsor College in On , where 
Oates is a professor of English. She is also associate editor of The 
Ontario Review, Crossing the Border, а colleaion of her 
storics—including The Golden Madonna, frst published 
in PLAY BOY—is just out, as is a novel called Childwold. When 
docs she find time to grade papers? 

Keeping up with the busy life of ©. J. Simpson is a lot like 
trying to tackle the dude on a football field, As the subject of 
this month's Playboy Interview, he had told freelancer 
Lawrence Lindermon itll the good reasons he couldn't stand Buffalo, 
and then, as we were about to go to press, he signed the biggest 
contract іп pro-football history with, yes, the Buffalo Bills. 
Linderman got through to Simpson, updated the interview 
and asked him whether or not his earlier comments about. 
Buffalo still stood. They did—as did all of his other 
which he expresses with astonishing frankness. 

As for our justly celebrated much, much more: Senior Articles 


масту Women—compiled by Res 
Maria Nekam and Kote Nolan—provides an 
atic short history of fooling around in the White House. 
g about a time when more was decidedly still more, 
Brock Yates will take you back and make you drool over classic 
roadsters in When Ragtops Were in Flower. With some vi 
help from Edward Gorey, Robert Sheckley asks the fictional question, 
What Is Life?, but the answer remains a puzzle. Acc photoper- 
Don Azuma and Phil Dixon turned their 
artorial and gustatorial Party Favorites! (with text by 
ditor David Platt and [ood-and-drink maven Emanuel Green- 
berg), our Christmas Gift Guide and our December Playmate, 
rd to figure which опе lucked out— 
shots of Karen Hafter so clearly testify. E: 
Judith Wax is back with her sack of rhyming barbs in Playboy's 
cards; the new, improved Playboy Music Poll returns 
as well, with a streamlined ballot just waiting to be filled out; 
Arthur Knight La 
Photographer Pompeo Poser is given his duc 
Posar (who else?). There are, of course, sev 
mentioned. But we'll let you find them for yourself. 
for spending part of the holidays with us. M; 
all have a drink o n front of the fire and 
t-warming old carols with the ghost of Pogo . . . 


Nora's freezin’ on the trolley, 
Swaller dollar cauliflower, alley-ga-r00, 


Trolley Molly don't love Harold, 
Boola-boola Pensacoola, hullabaloo. . «+ 


Each acne 
the grown-up Clantons created 
chaos, 

They played with the electric 
trains, the toy trucks, the balls 
and the bats. You name it. 

The Clanton kids were left 
with nothing. 

Last Christmas, Grandma 
Clanton saved the day. She put 
EarlyTimes under the tree. 


EarlyTimes. x 

In the Clanton clan, its the eae 
gift that separates the men... | S 28 
from the toys. i 


EarlyTimes. To know us is to love us. 


KENTUCKY STRAIGHT BOURBON WHISKY « 86 ANO BO PROOF » EARLY TIMES DISTILLERY CO., LOUISVILLE, KY. ост 


PLAYBOY. 


vol. 23, no. 12—december, 1976 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


PLAYBILL, ............ айан Sin sai sia: аа йй к eroe es sieves 3 
DEAR PLAYBOY ............ N O DIIS 13 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS ............ RA ad EEDA ESS 21 

MOSLEY E ULE RE ABE RD es 24 


Adrift in teeny-bopper paradise, a Boy City Rollers concert; the latest from 
Country Joe, Dion, Earthquake and Asleep at the Wheel reviewed. 


MOVIES. a EE e E a AS SAE ASE DE cea 34 
Lenny's Honey The television industry tokes its lumps in The Front and Netwark. 
BOOKS: osu кеб tes palais casita tein e ees 47 


Truman Capote talks about Truman Capote; gay history is recorded. 
SELECTED SHORTS 


GOODBYE, JOEY ERNST eer cnp EDGAR SMITH 56 
The author, an ex—death row convict, recalls the last days of the second-to-last 
man to be executed in New Jersey. 


TOTEL THE TRUTH s tionum E THOMAS PLATE 57 
Presidential press secretaries get paid peanuts ta lie far their bosses; so why 
do they do it? 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR ................... mae 61 
THE PLAYBOY FORUM ............... Н 65 
PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: O. J. SIMPSON—candid conversation ..... et e i 


Simpson tells his side of the Buffala brouhaha, what it was like growing up in 
the ghetto and how he feels about becoming a movie star. 


GAY fiction) CS E ess JOYCE CAROL OATES 104 
A sardonic yorn about thë misadventures of on n eccentric, homosexual professor. 


MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE COLONEL memoir 
DICK GREGORY with JAMES R. MCGRAW 108 
In an excerpt from his forthcoming Баск Up from Nigger, the nated black 
camedian tells how, with the aid of Drew Pearson, Sammy Davis Jr. and others, 
he got tons of holiday turkeys to Mississippi poor folks. 


PORTFOLIO: POMPEO POSAR—pictorial ................. = ЛИП 
The second in this series іп which PLAYBOY photographers display some of 
their favarite shats. 


TRIAL OF THE WARLOCK—fiction .............. NORMAN MAILER 121 
A scorifying screenplay, based on J. K. Huysmans’ notorious 19th Century 

Sex Stars $ navel Ld-Bas, that makes The Exorcist look like Bambi. 
CASANOVA PGRN. у у жес олту Ае дунан 127 


А sneok preview af scme of the steamier scenes ond foxier women in 
Fellini's new film featuring Danald Sutherland os the classical sexual athlete. 


ARE YOU SEXUALLY LIBERATED ENOUGH?—quiz 
BARBARA NELLIS and JAMES R. PETERSEN 134 
So your ladyfriend wants to invite her ladyfriend over so the three of you 
соп, uh, get to know one onother better? Can you handle it? 


WORKING OUT—artidle ................. BRUCE JAY FRIEDMAN 139 
Top Down P. 201 Putting in 6000 hours in a gym is na bed of roses—in more woys than one. 


ALLY ASSIGNED FOR PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHT PURPOSES AND AS SUBJECT TO PLAYEOY'S UNRESTRICTED RIGHT TO EDIT AND TO COMMENT EDITORIALLY. CONTENTS COPYRIGHT © 4978 By 
DIXON, P. 183; GRANT EDWARDS, P. 4, 111 (1); RICHARD FEGLEY, P. 127 (2), тё (з), 129, 120, їз! (I), MA, WE, 188, VH. BILL FRANTZ, P- 3, 4, 179; BRIAN D. HENNESSEY, P. VER: 


COVER STORY 

The neon Rabbit head behind March Ploymote Ann Pennington (standing) and July 
Playmate Deborah Eorkman is the longest continuous piece of neon ever constructed by 
Gabor Kodar, who specializes in oddball neon structures. It's so long, in fact, that Kadar 
passed out while blowing the air into the tubing during the cover shooting. He's 
fine now, thank yau, if somewhat out af breath. 


PLAYBOY'S CHRISTMAS CARDS—verse ............. JUDITH WAX 140 
Our yuletide versifier cancacts a batch of satirical missives. 

MAKING TRACKS—playboy's playmate of the month ......... ges 142 
Afraid of flying, Karen Hafter toak a train from New York to California. She 
was discovered waitressing on Sunset Boulevard. Does that sound familiar? 

PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ,......-.. err i 154 

ALL THE PRESIDENTS' WOMEN—article . . 156 
J.F.K. wasn't the first one to play around. A lively catalog of the ladies who 
have been our Chief Executives’ privileges in bed. 

PLAYBOY’S CHRISTMAS GIFT GUIDE—gifts .................... 159 
Gear and gadgets for the man you just thought had everything 

WHAT IS LIFE?—fiction .............. -sisse ROBERT SHECKLEY 165 
A humorous tale about what appears an the surface to be a mystical experience. 

HONEY—article ........ HONEY BRUCE with DANA BENENSON 166 


In this segment from her new autobiography, Honey Bruce talks about her sex 
life, her career as o stripper and her tumultuous marriage to Lenny. 

PARTY FAVORITES!—attire/food and drink 

DAVID PLATT and EMANUEL GREENBERG 170 
How to prepare the compleat holiday bosh: what to weor, whot to serve as 
hors d'oeuvres and how to make some spirit-raising libations. 

SEXUAL CONGRESS—article .......... 2.2... -PETER ROSS RANGE 177 
Willing women are the most highly valued commodity in Washington. Our 
author hangs out with Liz Ray and investigates the well-established channels 
through which women are procured. 

STANDING UP FOR LAS VEGAS—article ............ MARIO PUZO 178 


An inveterate gambler in his own right, the author af The Gadfather remi- 
nisces about his adventures in America's gambling mecca. 


SEX STARS OF 1976—article ARTHUR KNIGHT 180 


It's getting harder ta make it into Hollywood's big league, but there cre some 
hot prospects to ga with the familiar names. 


THE VARGAS GIRL—pictorial -.ALBERTO VARGAS 192 


THE 1977 PLAYBOY MUSIC POLL—music .................. .. 194 
It's your turn to ploy critic—vote for your fovatites in in jozz, pop/rock, cauntry- 
and-western and rhythm-and-blues. 


YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS—humor ............... 198 
The sexual proclivities of one Kriss Kringle as seen by our crew of cartaonists. 
Well-Trained Lady 
WHEN RAGTOPS WERE IN FLOWER—artide ......... BROCK YATES 201 


Come with us back to those glorious days of the Thirties and those lavish 
larger-than-life roadsters. 


THE INDISCREET JEWELS—ribald classic ....... DENIS DIDEROT 206 
LITTLE ANNIE FANNY—satire .. HARVEY KURTZMAN and WILL ELDER 209 
WORD PLAY—-satire ... ROBERT CAROLA 223 
PLAYBOY POTPOURRI .. . 268 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE 294 Presidential Honky-Ponky P. 156 


LEE GROSS, p. izi кат NELSON, P. V; NEWSDAY /KEN SPENCER, P, 101, MELMUT NEWTON, т. 186, TERRY O'NEILL, P. тел, FRANCO PINNA. 
т. 4, 1901 SUZE RANDALL P. 3, 4, 187, 18, V89 (гу: JOYCE RAVID, P. я; MORGAN RENARD у томд, Р WS. STEVE ScHAPIMO 


10. DENNIS SCOTT. P. 190: SUZANNE SEED, P- 3, 4: FRED SEIDMAN: P. 183; EVA SÉRENY, P. 187; EVA SERENY /SYGMA, P. 128 (3), 191 vi), тёз, MT, VERNON L. Shin 
тонг, v e. Ононы, P мез, UNTIED тегә umvemMATioNeL, P. W3, 14i ALEEAS UNDA, FF d, ERROL СТТН V MD BARON WOLMAR, P 2. COVER, HESAR ios жегиз 


PLAYBOY, pecewarn, 1976 VoL аз NO, 1a. FUBLIGNED монтыл Uy түшт, IN, NATIOWAL AND REGIONAL EOITCHS, PLAYBOY тре. эте MICHI AVE. нео. па. COEN, MECONDCLASS 


PLAYBOY 


Ask a friend about Minolta. 


Most likely someone you know owns 
a Minolta. Because more people 
buy Minoltas than any other single 
lens reflex. Theyve discovered 

that, dollar for collar, Minolta offers 
the best combination of creative 
features. handling ease and overall 
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With a Minolta SR-T you never 
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You can quickly change your point 
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superbly crafted Rokkor-X and 
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Three models, the Minolta 
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So, alter talking to your friend, talk 
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N. 3.07446. In Canada: Anglophoto, 


Ltd., PQ. 
Minolta 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor and publisher 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER edilorial director 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 
SHELDON WAX managing editor 
CARY COLE photography editor 
G. BARRY GOLSON assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL 


ARTICLES: LAURENCE GONZALES, PETER ROSS 
RANGE senior editors + FICTION: ROBIE MA- 
CAULEY editor, VICTORIA CHEN HAIDER, WAL- 
TIR SUBLETTE assistant editors « SERVICE 
FEATURES: TOM OWEN modern living editor; 
DAVID PLATE fushion editor; THOMAS MARIO 
food & drink editor + CARTOONS: wicuriiE 
Urey editor = COPY: ARLENE hoURAs editor, 
STAN AMBER assistant editor e STAFF: WILLIAM 
J- HELMER, GRETCHEN MCNEESE, ROBERT SHEA, 
DAVID STEVENS senior editors: DAVID STANDISH 
Staff writer; JOHN BLUMENTHAL, JAMES R. 
PETERSEN associate editors; J. к. O'CONNOR, ED 
WALKER assislant editors; SUSAN HEISLER, 
BARBARA NELLIS, KATE NOLAN, KAREN PADDERUD, 
TOM PASAVANT research editors; DAVID BUT- 
LER, MURRAY FISHER, ROBERT L. GREEN, NAT 
HENTOFF, ANSON MOUNT, RICHARD RHODES, 
JEAN SHEPHERD, ROBERT SHERRILL, BRUCE 
WILLIAMSON (movies), Jous skow contribut- 
ing editors + ADMINISTRATIVE SERVICES: 
PATRICIA PAPANGELIS administrative editor; 
ROSE JENNINGS Fights & permissions manager; 
MILDRED ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant 


ART 


лом тли, KERIG ГОРЕ senior directors; 
BOB POST, ROY MOODY, LEN WILLIS, CHET 505 
NORM SCHAEFER asociate directors; JOSE 
ACZEK assistant director; VICTOR HUBBARD, 
BETI KASIK ar assistants; VICKI 
вклу traffic Coordinator; BARBARA HOFFMAN 
administrative assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 


MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; JANICE 
Moses associate editor; MOLLIS. WAYNE new 
york editor; RICHARD FFGLEY, POMPEO POSAR 
Staff photographers; WIL AWSENAULT, DON 
AZUMA, DAVID CHAN, PHILLIP DIXON, DWIGHT 
HOOKER, к. SCOTT HOOPER, KEN MARCUS, ALEXAS 
ugsa contributing photographers; GRANT 
EDWARDS, HILL. FRANTZ, RICHARD Izu associate 
photographers; MICHAEL BERRY assistant edi- 
for; JANES Wako color lab supervisor; ROBERT 
CHELIUS administrative editor 


PRODUCTION 


JOUN MAStKO director; ALLEN VARGO man- 
ager: KLEANORE WAGNER, MARIA MANDIS, 
NANCY SIEGEL, RICHARD QUARTAROLL assistants 


READER SERVICE 


CAYLY GARDNER director 


CIRCULATION 


BIN GOLDBERG director of newsstand sales; 
ALVIN WIEMOLD subscription manager 


ADVERTISING 
HENRY w. MARKS advertising director 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 


RICHARD s. ROSENZWEIG executive vice-presi- 
dent, publishing group; NAT LEHRMAN as- 
sociate publisher; RICHARD M. КОРЕ assistant 
publisher 


The Sony CF-580 is your 
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You get 4 superb speak- 
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©1975 Sony Corp. of America Sony, 9W. 57 St, NY., NY. 10019. SONY isa trademark of Sony Corp. 


EVERYBODY 
WANTS TURKEY FOR 


Serve (and give) the very best 
for the holidays—101-Proof 

Wild Turkey in its colorful gift 
carton. The greatest | 
celebration of the year rates 
America's greatest native 
whiskey—Wild Turkey 

Bourbon (8 years old). 


"The new breed of Wi 


* S Я 
uri -Proof) is also packaged 1 Enjoy Turkey after dinner as well. Serve Wild Turkey Liqueur, the 
for giving —with the famous Aid 


Turkey in the Snow" scene “Thoroughbred of Liqueurs” from Kentucky's Bluegrass Country. 


on the carton. What a great way to say, “Happy Holidays!" Sculptured bottle, elegantly boxed for gift giving. 80 Proof. 


America's greatest native birdis fittingly 
commemorated in this limited-edition 

amic decanter containing 101-Proof 
Wild Turkey (No. 6 in a Series). Ideal for 
holiday gift giving, the decanter is a valuable 
collector's item, exquisitely boxed. 


You can spend hours selecting a 
fine suit of clothes. And quite a few 
hard-earned dollars to make it part of 
your wardrobe. 

Will anyone notice? Why risk it 
with an ill-suited shirt, when you can 
complement it with Arrow’ Brigade. 

Brigade fits the way you want your 
shirts to fit. Trim. Tasteful. You'll find 
pattems and colors to go with anything 
youre wearing now and anything you 
may want to buy tomorrow. 

Brigade. 

Its our way of making a suit. 


We dont make suits, 
but we make a shirt that does. 


»Arrow-- 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


E гоонєз PLAYBOY MAGAZINE - PLAYBOY BUILDING, 919 N, MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILLINDIS 60611 


INVESTIGATIVE REPORTAGE 

The real puppet of The Puppet and 
the Puppctmasicrs (v.aysoy, Scptember) 
isn't Nixon or Hughes but, rather, the 
American people. The maze of lawless 
intrigue that Larry DuBois and Laurence 
Gonzales uncover points to an inevitable 
conclusion. The CIA in its present for 
is too corrupt to mend. If, indeed, we 
need an intelligence agency, lets start 
over with a brand-new one. The CIA 
has to go. 


Michael G. Hutsko 
Norwalk, California 


Larry DuBois and Laurence Gonzales 
should be praised for writing such a su- 
perb, in-depth, spellbinding investigative 
report. 1 always suspected that Rid 
Nixon was owned up to his pretty teeth 
by big business. 


rd 


Melvin N. Liddell 
St. Louis, Missouri 


DuBois and Gonzales may well have 
found a conne 
Howard Hughes. 
are pure bullshit. The authors make some 
wild claims tht certainly are not proved 
by the information they furnish. 

Johnny Sheps 
EI Paso, Texas 


ion between the CIA and 
but their 


conclusions 


‘Thanks to the courage of the PLAYBOY 
editors and writers, total truths of sub- 
versive activities, such as Watergate, CLA 
operations, Hughes and Nixon-type deals, 
may someday become public knowledge 
Your magazine stands far above the rest 
in contributing to that end 

John A. Williams 
Fullerton, California 


I believe every word of it. DuBois and 
Gonzales did a first-rate job. 

m Connors 

New York, New York 


и DuBois and Gonzales don't get a 
Pulitzer Prize, nobody should. 
Paul Tylor 
Miami, Florida 


As а former crew member of the 
Hughes Glomar Explorer, I read with 
amusement the September article 
on the Hughes organization. I am afraid 
there is no merit to the idea that the 
Explorer salvaged a Spanish galleon near 
Catalina. Believe me, if we had brought 


some 


up $30,000,000, 1 wouldn't be a strug- 
gling young lawyer here in Orange 
County. However, I am now wondering 
about the accuracy of the rest of the 
Hughes article. My limited exposure to 
Summa left me highly respectful. 
Ed Reynolds 
Tustin, California 


Keep digging: you're getting warm. . . . 
(Name withheld by request) 
Oneonta, New York 


OLYMPICS OF 2004 REVISITED 
After reading Wayne McLoughlin's 
The Olympics of 2004 (PLAYBOY, August), 


I came across this picture of a three 
legged Olympic hurdler in a local news- 
paper. He certainly has a leg up on his 
opponents. 
Tom Stephanson 
Ашина, Сео 


BOWIE TIES 
It very refreshing to read your 

interview. with David Bowie (Pravmov, 
September), but I am afraid that falling 
from outer space on onc's head docs take 
its toll after a while 

Robert Narby, Jr. 

Hilton Head Island, South Carolina 


I was looking forward to seeing David 
Bowie in The Man Who Fell to Earth. 1 
had heard about the climactic scene in 
which Bowie removes his contact lenses 


e.clifiched and cur 


naked North, 1 have learn 

and defend; Shoulder tdshoulder 
we have fought it out: i 
must win in the end. 


Soft-spoken and smooth, its 
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Straight, on therocks, or 
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Canadian liquor you've 
ever tasted. 


| 


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Yukon 
a Jack. 


100 Proof Imported Liqueur 
madewith Blend Canadian Whisky. 


Yukon Jack 60 and 100 Proc! Imported and Boed by Heublein Inc... 
Hantord, Conn Sole Agents U.S A. * ©1907 Dodd, Mead & Co. Inc. 


PLAYBOY 


THE 
GRAB SHOT. 


The Konica C35-EF gets the 
shots that used to get away. 
Because it’sthe only 35mm camera 
with a built-in electronic flash! 

Press a button, the flash pops up 
ready for use. Just focus and shoot. 

You'll get perfect available-light 
pictures everytime because the 
C35-EF automatically sets the 
exposures for you. Or get perfect 
flash shots because the C35-EF 
automatically sets correct flash 
exposures. 

You'll always have a flash in a 
flash. See the Konica family of 
automatic 35mm cameras, 
including the Autoreflex, the world’s 
most advanced automatic and 
manual SLR, at your dealer. Or write 
for brochure to Konica Camera, 
Woodside, N.Y. 11377. f) 


KONICA C35-EF. 


World’s first 35mm with 
BUILT-IN ELECTRONIC FLASH. 


“The lens alone Is worth the price.” 


14 


to reveal his “true appearance.” Thanks 
a lot for running the picture of what he 
looks like in the film. You ruined a great 
moment for those of us who have not 
seen it. I hope a million Klingons land 
on your roof. . . 


Bill Jcvic 
Plainfield, New Jersey 


Your interview with David Bowie is 
as good as secing his body move 


Terri Croficheck 
Carmichaels, Pennsylvania 


Bowie is the Muhammad Ali of rock— 
outrageous and pretentious but with the 
greatest of style. 


Sharon Presley 
New York, New York 


avid Bowi 
tising egon 


is a selfloving, self adver- 

c with limited talent. 
Gregg Nov 
Summit, Illinois 


Bowie, you make my heart beat faster! 
Janet Planet 
Port Washington, New York 


Wonderfully outrageous. 

l Catone 

Guy D'Angelico 
Fort Worth, Texas 


ads PLAYBOY 
will have to 


I'm the sort of man wh 
every month. But this hı 
come to an end if you keep running 
interviews like the one with that d 
ing idiot David Bowie. 

We 
Salt Lake C 


inter- 


I just finished the David Bowi 
view. What did he 
An iglieui 


Philadelphia, Pennsyl 


LAWSUIT CHIC 

Robert 5. Wieder’s Sue the Bastards! 
(rLAYBoy, September) is most enlighten- 
ing. Т only wish it wa en four 
n I was attending college. In 
the only chic form of pro- 
test was occupying the administration 
building. 


wr 


Larry 
Des Moines, Iowa 


PRO AND CON CAR 

A big bravo for Harry Crews's Carny 
(vLavwoy, September) 1 have an idea 
that could produce journalistic history. 
Introduce Н 
Hunter S. Thompson, give them 


of grand for spending money 

them loose in Pamplona, Spain, for the 

running of the bulls. If they survive to 
1 be sensati 1 


Bill Jensen 
Tahoe City. 


fornia 


ı insult and an 
nds of friendly 


Crewss Carny is 
injustice to the tho 


carnival show folk whose 100 percent 
leg е ily operation 
backbone of the outdoor-amusement 
dustry. A similar collection of disgusting 
incidents could be garnered in many 
places nowadays, but it is unlikely that 
you would find such behavior on any 
carnival lot. 


R. K. “Rolly” Larson 
Executive Secret 
Outdoor Amu 
Business Association 

inncapolis, Minnesota 


1 


Crews has a special genius for 
describing freaks, oddballs and misfits 
ng them not only acceptable 
ally palatable to ordinary people. 
beautiful demonstration of 
s an intimate glimpse into 
a world that most of us know absolutely 
nothing about but one that is mysterious 
and utterly fasci 7 
Ed Hirshberg. Professor of English 
University of South Florida 
Tampa, Florida 


LIFE ON MARS! 

1 know the Playboy Rabbit has gotten 
around quite a bit over the years, but I 
never expected to sce one on Mars! 

my surprise upon seeing the 
us Rabbit logo in a picture of 


the red planet that appeared in a recent 
issue of The New Times. (Irs in the 
lower-lefthand section of the footprint- 
like dark 


Paul Slattery 
New York, New York 


PATENT LETTERS 

d to your pictorial Patented 
эү, September), you might find 
nteresting that at least one of the items 
has some real medical value. refer- 
ring to the rubber bulb and tube for 
ора . А si lar device 
was introduced by physicians in the urol- 
ogy section at the University of Michigan 


Not one watch in a thousand can do what 
this Longines G-I is doing right here. 
It reads day and night. Repeat: day and night. 


Longines G-I is an engineering triumph. 


Look close. It's both an LED and LCD. So 
G-11 is brilliantly readable in any light. Day or 
night. Trust Longines to think of that! 

` Inside G-II, behind that scratch-resistant 
mineral crystal, is an advanced computer chip 
that does the work of 1500 transistors. 1500! 
And G-II has no moving parts to wear out. 
Ever. It’s pure solid state inside...and outside, 
the proud look of a Longines. 


G-I is a once-in-a-lifetime gift. There's no 
watch on earth quite like it. Come see this 
incredibly accurate, 100% solid state timepiece 
at your jeweler's now. Someone you know is 
hoping for a Longines and counting on you. 


LonginesWittnauer 


WATCH COMPANY 


Time can be beautiful 


PLAYBOY 


16 


nd I'm sure elsewhere. 
ome use in men who have a 
son for impotence, such as 
auma or vascular disease. 

Al , D.O. 
ort Worth, "Texas 


physi 
accidental 


In your September issue 
a patented device for male 
Aside from the fact thar the drawing is 
not accurate, the item appears as "hu- 
mor.” This is a disservice, The device 
represents a serious eflort on the part of 
medical men to alleviate a distressing 
and all-too-pre 


you mention 
mpotence. 


Berish Strauch, M.D. 
Bronx, New York 
Drs. Freed and Strauch 
are the inventors of the aforementioned 
device, 


Bloomberg. 


SLAPSTICK HAPPY 
Kurt Vonnegut, Jr-'s Slapstick or Lone- 
some No More! (pLavnoy, September) is 
great. My only complaint is that you 
didn't publish the whole book. 
Rob Tesse 
Newburgh, New York 


Halfway thro 
wondering how r 


Slapstick, Y stopped, 
AYboy could describe 


as “destined Гог bestsellerdom." My 
question is this: Is this truly а classic 
ovel or merely the incessant ravings of 


а madman, 
cruel and ur 
ern society? 


subjected too long to the 
elenting pressures of mod- 


Gerald Marisch 
Bay Village, Ohio 


Von 
hook. 


gu's still number опе in 


my 


Pete Caulfield 
Richmond, Virginia 


CAPITAL LETTERS 

I would like to thank David Chan for 
his great photographs of The Girls of 
Washington (PLAvnov, September). ‘The 
picture of Marianne Sears, in particular, 
has got to be the sexiest your magazine 
has ever printed. With M. e in your 
line-up, you are definitely showing the 
best D.C. has to offer. 


a 


Joel Chalfin 
№, ton, D.C. 


The Girls of Washington is a classic in 
Avuoy history. Funny thing, though— 
ever saw one of those ladies in all the 
ic | spent in D.C. Guess I was hanging 
nd all the wrong places. 
Robert B. Binkley 
Greencastle, Pennsyly. 


ia 


As opportunists, Elizabeth Ray and 
глуво were made for each other. One 
nd washes the other 

Michael K. 
go. North Dakota 


You have to give Wayne Hays credit 
for one thing: He sure knows how to 
pick them—young and pretty. 

Kenny R. Richter 
Bobtown, Pennsylva 


Aside from being voluptuous, Liz Ray 
happens to be very preity. In your Girls 
of Washington pictorial, however, it is 
practically impossible to get a good fix 
on her face. I'm not complaining, mind 
you—it just would be nice to sce a good 
portrait of her. 


Harry Peterson 

Seattle, Washington 

We hope this outtake from the shoot- 
ing makes up for the omission. 


Poor Elizabeth Ray. She got better ex- 
posure in the da end David Chan 
back to photographing bowls of fruit 

B. Lance Greenfield 

San Francisco, California 


How ironic that of all the ca 
ded, goaloriented girls of W; 
ton, most of those who appear in your 
September issue are employed as host- 
esses, barmaids, models and actresses, 


Jane Simpson 


I was one of 1000 girls interviewed for 
a spot in your Girls of Washington 
feature. It was pointed out to me at the 
time that PLAYRoy was not looking for 
professional models but for the average 
working girl in D.C. I was hopeful that I 
would meet the qualifications of rLaynoy 
and be selected to participate in the pic- 
torial. In the interim, the scandal involv- 
ing Elizabeth Ray was brought out into 


the open. Miss Ray has previously been 
photographed for professional purposes 
and I would not characterize her as your 


g girl in D.C. In addi- 


re degrading and 


girl. Several newspapers around the U. S. 
have pointed out that Miss Ray was 
picked for the spread in rrAvBov only 
after she toll photographer David Chan 
that she was carrying on an affair with 
Representative Hays. She was promised 
that if she brought it into the open, she 
would be in the article. It is not the 
fact that she felt it necessary to use sc 
dalous means to secure her posit 


in 
the article but the fact that it was unfair 


scandal was brought to the public's atten. 
tion, I thought PLAYBOY. would make the 
selection a fair one to all involved. I am 
sorry to see that your company could not 
operate that way 


dover, Ma 

The allegation that PLAYBOY promised 
Elizabeth Ray a spot in the feature if she 
exposed her affair with Representative 
Hays is untrue, Miss Ray applied for an 
interview in the same way as the 900 
other women who expressed an interest in 
appearing in the pictorial. Her data sheet 
simply stated that she worked for Repre- 
sentative Hays of Ohio. There was no 
indication of the forthcoming scandal. 
Her picture was included in a prelim- 
inary layout based solely on what the 
editors saw in the photograph and on the 
fact that the job she listed was interest- 
ing. About that time, Miss Ray chose to 
make her revelation. We reacted by re- 
moving her picture from the main body 
of the feature and publishing it along 
with two other photos of her on a sepa 
vate page. To the best of our knowledge, 
Miss Ray was not a professional model 
at the time we did our shooting. She had 
previously been photographed but only 
by photographers she had paid to take 
pictures of her. 


SOAP-OPERA BUIF 

After reading John — Blumenthal's 
humorous quiz (Will Carl Divorce 
Myrna? . . .) in your September issue (I 
flunked), I became interested enough to 
watcli a few soaps. I believe 
erage by your magazi 


ON NEWTON'S SHOOTI 
Helmut Newton is probably the most 
creative photographer around today. His 


Newton's Physiques in your. September 
issue is splendid. 

Arthur Spr 

New Yo New York 


PRESSING ON 

September's heatand:stick press-on is 
Clever. Now PLAYBOY must press on to- 
and-smell gatefold to im 
everyone's. 


gon 


Bunny Debbie Is a Super Reason 
io Have a Playboy Club Key. 


1. Playboy's City Clubs 

Happy, sophisticated places to 
entertain and be entertained. Strung 
like jewels across the U. S. and 
England, with an exotic Far Eastern 
addition this December—the Playboy 
Club of Tokyo, in Japan. All filled with 
the fine food, exciting drinks, top 
entertainment you'd expect. And, of 
course, beautiful Bunnies like Debbie. 


2. Playboy's Country Clubs 
Fun-loving resorts filled with dawn-to- 
dawn activities. One at Great Gorge in 
New Jersey. Another at Lake Geneva, 
Wisconsin. Both offering four seasons 
of frolic. (Skiing's in now; golf comes 
to the fore in warmer weather.) Always 
fine dining, top accommodations, star 
entertainment. But that's not all. 
There's a sunny-side-up Playboy 
Resort at Ocho Rios, Jamaica, where 
you'll find a happy choice of water 
sports and entertainment (and 
year-round golf nearby). And a Gold 
Coast Hotel, Playboy Towers, in 
Chicago. As a keyholder, you'll get а 
10% discount on room rates at all jour. 


3. Playboy Preferred 

Get acquainted with fine dining at 
two-for-one prices with Playboy 
Prelerred. Use your Passbook and your 
Key to get two dinners for the price of 
one at lop restaurants in any of 
several U. S. cities. All you need to get 
the Passbook for any city is your Key. 
Just show it at the Club (or designated 
alternate location) in the city, Then 
take your Passbook and Key and— 
Боп appetit!—you're on your way to 
great dining at a discount. Passbooks 
are now available for Chicago, New 
York, Cincinnati and Atlanta. In the 
works: Los Angeles, San Francisco. 
New Orleans, Baltimore and St. Louis. 


4. Comp-U-Card ™ 

Savings on nationally adverlised 
merchandise are as near as your 
phone when you have Comp-U-Card. 
And you have Comp-U-Card when you 
have a Playboy Club Key. Just call 
TOLL-FREE to get prices we challenge 
you to beat on the necessities like cars, 
Carpets, home furnishings and those 
luxurious extras, Fke cameras, stereos 


and C.B.s. Comp-U-Card can help you | 


meke the best buy . . . and in most 
cases, they'll have your purchase 
shipped to your doorstep. 


Here Are 7 More! 


PLAYBOY CLUBS INTERNATIONAL, INC. 

Р.О. Box 9125 

Boulder, Colorado 80301 

Send mo my Playboy Club Key! And hop to it. 1 will pay ту 

525 initial Key fee as follows: id 

Г] Bill me later. 

[Л Charge to my Г) American Express; Г] BankAmericard: 
Ñ Care Blanche; Г) Diners Club; (7 Master Charge 


Exp. Date. 4-Digit Bank # (MC only) 
Account # 
Î $25 check enclosed payable to Playboy Clubs Interna- 
tional, Inc. 
Signature. Date. 
Name. 
(please print) 
Address. Apt. 
City, State, Zip 


Nole: U.S. initial Key tee $25 0.5.; Canadian initial Key fee 
S25 Canadian. You may renew your Key each year thereafter 
by payment of the thon-effective Annual Key Fee that will be 
billed to you at the close ol each year as a keyholder (А.К 
currently $15.) BELA 


5. PLAYBOY or OUI Magazines 
Twelve of them. Mix or match. They're 
yours for the asking at any North 
American Pleyboy Club. You'll get one 
each month simply for a show of the 
Key. And if you collect all 12, you'll 
have saved up to $19.00 over the 
newsstand price. 


6. The Budget ^ Favored Saver Card 
It gets you discounts of $10.00 per 
week or $1.00 per day when you rent. 
any car from any participating Budget 
outlet. (You'll get a onetime $2.00 
additional discount as well.) 


T. Keyholders' Specials 

Happy in-Club surprises for keyholders 
only. Contests, perhaps. Or gifts. 

Or discounts. Or special events. 

Stop in at the Club when they're 
happening and present your Key, and 
you're оп 


Don't wait. Order your Key today. It's 
good for a full year, and it's just $25 for 
the first year. No need to send money 
now. We'll bill you later, or you can 
charge to one of your major credit cards. 


CAN’T WAIT? 
Call Bunny Debbie 
TOLL-FREE Today 

800-621-1116* 


for Our 
Quick-as-a-Bunny 
Key Order Service. 


“Illinois residents, call 
(312) PL 1-8100. 


PLAYBOY, The Playboy Club, 
Bunny and Bunny Costume are marks of 
US. Pat. 


Playboy, Reg 1 
© 1976, Playboy Clubs International 


CREATES A NEW 


THE 924 


CHE 


One look at the new Porsche 924 and you'll realize this is no ordinary automobile. 


The dynamic design of its clean, flowing lines instantly proclaims it to be unlike any other car 
you've ever seen. 


Here is a perfect blending of 
the designer's search for beauty and 
the engineer's desire for efficiency. 
The shape of the new Porsche 924 not 

‘only pleases the eye, but it slices the 
wind socleanly that it registered an 
incredibly low 0.36 drag coefficient in 

. wind tunnel testing. 


But thetrue innovativeness of this new Porsche lies much deeper than the sheet metal. It 
lies at the very heart of the car in a unique arrangement of the engine, clutch, and transmission, 
known as а“гапѕахіе" system. 


In this transaxle arrangement, the engine, a water-cooled overhead cam design with a 
continuous fuel injection system. is mounted in front.The clutch is placed directly behind it, giving 
Quick, positive clutch action for rapid shifting. 


The transmission, however, is mounted in the rear, at the driving wheels (hence the name 
rear 'transaxle"). Rather than a conventional, heavy drive shaft with universal joints, there is a 
. Solid drive shaft in a hollow torque tube connecting the front-mounted engine with the rear- 
mounted transaxle. Thus, the entire drive train and differential is a single rigid unit which does 
away with universal joints and allows for more direct power transfer. Response is virtually instant. 
In addition, the gearshift is mounted directly on the torque tube, providing a short, precise throw. 


But this unique transaxle system yields more than preciseness. It also results in an almost 
perfect 50-50 weight distribution which improves braking efficiency and enhances handling 
Characteristics. The new Porsche 924 
takes corners smoothly, in balance. 
McPherson struts in front, combined 
with a wishbone torsion bar suspension 
in the rear, keep body lean to a minimum 
in curves. Rack-and-pinionsteering — 7 
assures the driver of quick, accurate — f 
response to every command. The new #5 
Porsche 924 is designed to be the 
most driveable Porsche ever. j 


The new Porsche 924 is not 
inexpensive. But it is less than you'd 
expect to pay for a Porsche. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


ike pride in be- 
i but occa- 
The 
this 


tin 

ourself. 
discovered 
year that various members of the Carter 
clan of Plains, Georgia, made good copy 
We knew it in May 1967, when—in this 
very space—we told you all about the 
mail-order worm-and-cricket business run 
by Jimmy's cousin. Hugh. On rereading 
the copy the other day, we noted that 
back in 1967, cousin Hugh was offerin 
for two dollars postpaid anywhere in the 
U.S—"a beautiful ice bucket packed 
with pure worm castings." This came to 
mind we read that, recently, a 
roup ol Plains business people. includ- 


сте at PLAYBOY, ме 
Н g a bit ahead of du 
sionally we surprise eve 
rest of the 


media only 


when 


ing Jimmy's sister Gloria, was tryi 
spite Jimmy's attempts to call it off, to 
retail square inches of L 
Plains for five dollars ay 


nd in downtown 
есе. Just goes to 
we guess, what happens when 
wormshit 


show yc 
honest 
status of bullshit 


ıs promoted to the 


. 
Reporting on the 
Company's 


^. C. Nielsen 
the most 
popular sports in America, Adver- 
lising Age order of 
popularity. the sports rank 
hicyding, 


survey on 


noted: “In 
are 


swimm fishing, 
camping and blowing (44.100.000 
participants, up 16 percent). 

. 


Sorry we missed the Sunday sermon. 
at the Glad. Tidings Temple in Van- 
couver, British Columbia, uded “The 


Great Snatch. 
. 
Charmi 


mine sweeper co 


Prince g he ain't: When a 
manded by England's 
Prince Charles, who is currenily serving 
in the Queen's navy, docked at Rosyth, 
d. the prince. invited some loc: 
ucsis aboard. As one of 29. 
jearold be queen, strode up the 
gplank. the prince, smiling brightly, 
took her hand апа said, “I hope you have 


taken your pill.” The guests were aghast 


them, 


uly 


ed later 
ng to sca- 


until a royal 
that "His H 
sickness pills. 


spokesman explai 
ness was referr 


. 
article about a British dentist 
who was cleared of charges that he 
saulted female patiems after. rendering 
them unconscious. London's Mercury re- 
ported his explanatic 
rather than local anesthesia: “Most pa- 
tients preferred to have intravenous in- 


In an 


for using general 


jection rather than a prick on the gums." 


. 

The lead paragraph in a story appear- 
ing in the Stockton, California, Record 
reads, “Sheriff's olhicers.. working under 


what they 


ion ring operating in conjunc. 


cover, have broken 
prosti 
tion with the cherry harvest. 


term was 


From the Bangkok World comes this 
"delightful example of square-wheel Eng- 
lish,” supposedly written by а Japanese 
schoolboy in Thailand: “The banana are 
a remarkable fruit. He are constructed i 
the same architectural style as the honor- 
ble sausage. Difference being skin of 
bitually consumed, wl 


i 


sausage are h it 
not advisable to cat rapping of banana, 


Perhaps are also intissing the following 
differences between the two objects, Ba 
nana are held aloft while consuming. 
sausage аге usually left in reclining posi- 
tion. Finally. banana are strictly member 
of the vegetable kingdom, while affi 
tion of saus; is often undecided. 
. 


A trombone player, 
play at a Sacramento wedding, was 
unaware that it was to be a homosexual 
marriage. When the groom and, uh, 
groom finally showed, the trombone 

player stayed — cool—he merely 
switched from Here Comes the 
Bride 10 You Brought a New 
Kind of Love to Me. 

Why the Soviets are behind: 
Reporting on a sale of 1,000,000 


engaged to 


metric tons of wheat and corn 
to the Soviet Union, Texas 
Garland Daily News said that 
“under a five-year agreement, So- 
viet officials are committed to taking 
minimum of 6,000,000 tons of 

grain anally.” 

. 

News leak: Over ап article about the 
victory of а local kids’ Pee Wee League 
baseball team, the Springfield. Masse 


chuseus, Daily News ran this headline: 
“ANGELS ADVANCE TO PEE PEE FINALS.” 
б 

А French 
structs. other female 
best to work within the European. Com 
Market, offers this illuminating in 
ght into international relations: "Say 
that it is a hot бау... and you invite 


businesswoman, who in- 


executives on how 


mon 


21 


PLAYBOY 


22 


ess visitor to make himself 


sen his collar 
will take olf his jacket, the Belg 
untie his shoelaces, the Frenchman 
will discreetly remove one thing after 
nother until you tell him to stop and 
the Italian will undress you." 
. 

jı moss will grow on your 
less than idiomatic attempt at 
instructions to its passengers, 
the Chicago Transit Authority has placed 
a notice in Spanish above the manual 
door releases on some of its subway 
trains, Literally translated, the warning 
reads: USE YOUKSELF ONLY IN CASE OF 
EMERGENCY. 


Trueor-false question from an Air 
Force Aircrew Study Guide concerning 
the rocketscat ejection system for an 
EB-57 aircraft: “The primary cjection 
handle is located between the legs. 

. 
llows humor: As a result of a head- 
ng riot in 1973, the McAlester, 
state peniter has become 


G 
ne 
Ok) 


he 
so popular with tourists that the local 


tourist bu 


aw is planning to offer for 
le four-color picture postcards of the 
institution. Included аге such romantic 
‚ the warden's home, 
ad the walls. 
° 

An outfit in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, called 
te Chicks has been receiving dozens 
of phone calls from potential patrons 


inqui 
Unfortunately, 


ite Chicks is not a mas- 
'sa poultry outlet, dealing 


three piece suit highlighted the fact that 


the fabric “keeps its shape to keep you 
looking good around the cock. 


SNAKES ALIVE! 


B g the sort 
who hates 


to see things go 
to waste, I once 
retrieved a per- 
fectly service- 
able bird cage 
from my neigh 
ash can. 
This impressed 
my girlfriend, 
Jean, who took 
to calling me, 
in tender mo- 
ments, '* My 
very own gar- 
bage collector. 

I decided to show her that a b 
was at least as useful as the 
fire extinguisher or the battered pith 
helmet; ГА put à d ird in i 


mn bird in i 
The pet shop I visited didn't have 

a good bird, but it had 
boa constrictor about two feet long. 
Fourteen dollars? What the hell. Of 
course, I also had to buy an S18 ter- 
rarium, because snakes can wriggle 
right out of bird cages. My girlfriend 
tly suggested that I could sell 
my too-good-to-throw-out bird cage for 
1. 1 amended that 

mount to 539.50. showing her the 
white mouse. “You're nol going to 
fced that cute little mouse to that stu- 
pid snake!" Sure 1 was, Nature's wa 


day in 1972. That night, I bought a 
bottle of whiskey and invited over two 
of my more decadent friends to watch 
Ernest (named him Ernest because he 
so sincere) take his me; 
g happened. Old mouse took 
one look at that snake, shit, bounced 
around the cage like a ricocheting 
bullet, then hunkered in onc corner, 
glowering at Ernest, who was coiled 
up in another, glowering back. The 
next morning, the mouse was still in 
his corner, but he'd spent a busy 
night. He'd taken all the fish gravel 
from the bottom of the terrarium and 
piled it on the snake, 
completely. I had to s 
little fucker, Put him in the bird cag 
and gave him to a little kid who lived 
in the building. “Tell Mommy and 
Daddy you got him from those people 
who just moved out. That's а good 
fellow.’ 

Four years later, Ernest had long 
since learned to eat, to say the least, 
1 had achieved a length of sev 
ht feet (ever try to measure a 
snakc?). I found him an excellent pet: 
cuddly. didn't ba pped once a 


weck, a big 


hit at parties 
once Ji got 
а snootful and 


did her fabu- 
lous Dance of 
the чакса 
Death. 

There were a 
few problems, 
though. Ernest 
was a real es- 
cape artist, and 
one night he 
slithered up on- 
to a window 
sill a 
off four of my former gi 
(we're now married) exotic plants, in 
fancy stoneware pots, Bam, bam, bam, 
bam—sounded like somebody shoot- 
ing at the house. Du another 
threc-A.M. outing, he molested my re- 
furbished sod:acid fire extinguisher, 
knocking it over and causing it to 
hose down the living room. But the 
main problem was keep 
rats (to which he 
ated). In he got to e| 
ily cat, h stopped sleep 
front of the nice, warm snake cage— 
the new one that Ernest was already 
starting to outgrow. In short, Ernest 
was flunking the old cost-benefits test. 

So, a few months ago, Ernest found 
a new home with a neighbor's friend, 
an amateur herpetologist. I was so 
to see him go, as were fri 
leagues, who no longer find me color- 
ful, Wife's not sor it was she who 
finally took 107 rats to the zoo when 
my breeding experiment ran out of 
control. 

] never figured to hear from Ernest 

in, but one day recently, the phone 
It was my пе 


nds and col- 


sold him to a stripper from Texas 
named. Midnight Melody, who was do- 
ing her thing at rby n 
called Cheetah I. So today 
in showbiz! Which makes me [eel good 
all over. It's raising a kid who 
was kind of ugly and seemed a few 
bricks short of a full load a 
finding out he's got r 
going to make good 
nothing of the working 
Hot damn! I knew him when he was 
only an amateur, a mere prop for 
Je nce of the Naked Death. 

— WILLIAM J. HELMER 


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MUSIC 


my City Rollen concerts ought to be 
B outlawed for males over 


18—be- 


square foot than. most old hearts can 
stand. Worse, lbait of 


y 13у 
foxes: and. even worse, well, there 
is this phenomenon called Roller- 
mania... 

At the Uptown The: 
steaming summer night in Chicago, 
we сап hear the pleading pubescent 
chorus all the way from the street. "We 
want the Rollers! . . . We want the 
Rollers! 

Too old to do this salely alone, I 
have with me my own expert—a 13-year- 
old fox named Lisa, who's also my daugh- 
ter. In the car on the way to the concert, 
she's been very cool about the whole 
thing. At her school, anyway, nobody has 
a dose of anything like Rollermania. 
She's never heard of the tartan busin 
(the plaid is the band's t 
true believers supposedly live iu shirts 
scarves and culled Huck Finn jeans 
trimmed in the stull), says she thought 
at first that Saturday Night (their biggest 
U.S. single) was all right, but then she 
got bored with it real fast and, in truth, 
Пу wishes we were on our way to see 
Wings. 

But we are barely inside the lobby 
when the chorus, which has been rolling 
out in increasingly peaking singsong 
waves, suddenly Icaps in pitch and dis 
solves into mass shricking—and our cool 
melted as we run to see that it’s Гог... 
a stagchand, wearing a grubby sweat 
shirt and a sour look, carrying a mike on 
stage. Keyed up, I think they call it. 

By the time we find our seats, and I 
am ;—not complaining, mind 
you, just wondering—what I'm doing in 
the middle of 4000 screaming teenagers 
on the hottest night of the year, the 
lights have gone black. Then, abruptly, 

slide is projected onto a screen high 
bove the stage. It is a color photograph 
of a tartan plaid. Its appearance, I swear 
to you, jolts the screaming yet upward, 
toward canine regions, right through my 
fillings. It feels wonderful. It is followed 
at heartbeat intervals by slides of each 
boy in the band, cach with thc same 
effect; and then, still in the dark, a neon 
adget begins an actual countdown, 
ten... nine... eight... , timed to 
produce shrieks you could ride like a 
roller coaster. So far, we have seen a 
stagehand, a slide show and а neon sign, 
nd there is more Пасош frenzy around 
me than anyone has seen since early 
Stones or Beatles concerts. And when the 
gadget hits the magic zero, and lights 
blast the stage with white, and the 
Rollers are there, hitting those uncertain 


Ez 


wonderi 


Rollers: jailbait bait. 


“From where we are, the 
Rollers look nearly as young 
as their teeny-bopper fans— 

which is, of course, the idea.” 


Country Joe goes disco. 


first notes . . . I feel like I have been 
yanked back to the scene in A Hard 
Days Night when the TV studi 
ence goes berserk and the Be 
amused over the pandemonium, 

From where we are, the Rollers look 
nearly as young as their teeny-bopper 
fans—which is, of course, the idea. The 
Stones, the Beatles or сусп apple-cheeked 
Hern s never looked as fuck- 
ing young and innocent as the Rollers 
do. One of the n Mitchell, is the 
angelic image of a baby-teeny Jimmy 

ge who has not yet had an evil 
ht: and the rest are nearly 
musical skills contribute to that 
image of freshness They sound like 
they've been playing together for about 
ix weeks. But the band in vario 
has been together for eight уса 


there is apparently no danger of their 
sophisticating the energetically harmless 
primer school Stones sound they've de- 
veloped. In the studio, it comes out with 
a bit more accomplishment and complex- 
ity. Their latest album, Dedication (Arista), 
reveals a lyrical Manilow romantic strea 
in them that must pierce the very 
hearts of seventh-grade girls. But the 

rockers on it sound better to my 

ear, and, old fogy I, of all the 
cuts, I like best their г of 
Brian Wilson's Don't Worry Baby. 

But, in concert, they seem mainly to 
be watering down the best—the Stones, 
‘The Who, et al. And the music doesn't 
seem to matter all that much, anyway. 
If you were born the same year Time Is 
on My Side first hit in the States, Mick 
Jagger probably just doesn't do it for 
you, The Rollers arent there to be 
listened to, they are there to be adored. 

Which is what is happening. 

The screaming doesn’t stop during the 
entire 45-minute set. Lisa spends most of 
it standing delighted and wiggling (if not 
quite screaming, you understand) on the 
arms of a theater scat. Tartan objects of 
every description are waved and waved 
and waved in the air, certainly to be 
taken home later and venerated as sacred 
relics that have been the Presence. 
Instamatic Magicubes pop and pop and 
sometimes catch, strobelike, а tear-filled 
girl-scout face, hair pasted to it by sweat, 
transported beyond. . . . 

The lobby, during all this, is a scene 
all its own. So young are the fans that 
it’s full of moms and dads just waiting 
for the concert to be over so they can take 
the kids home. One mom I like especially 
is in her best Sears patiowear and paces, 
smoking, back and forth, staring into 
e, hardly noticing when other forlorn 
moms lead their hysterical daughters (all 
in tartan shirts, ete.) toward the exits. 

But the best is last: As everybody files 
ош when it’s over, two boys of nine or 
so, in full tartan drag, soaked in sweat, 
clearly drained and worn out, come wal 
ing up the aisle. One—again, I swear— 
turns to the other wearily and says, with 
grim resignation, “You Know, we're just 
gonna have to get used to this.” An 

—DAVID STANDISH 


б 

What а drag it is getting old? Ts that 
the lesson of these new albums by Coun- 
try Joe and Dion? Both LPs аге disap 
pointing in proportion to how high th 
performers climbed the charts of our 
mythology in the р 

And so Love Is a Fire (Fantasy) is an 
unwanted kick in the gut to those of us 
who remember Country Joe as the first 
rock revolutionary. giving us Fish 
Cheer and lines like “Be the first one on 
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in a box" and wandering through Monte- 
rey Pop painted like a warrior chief in the 
first tribe of psychedelic Indians. It is no 
fun to report. that this new onc should 
have been called Country Joe Goes 
Disco. Nearly every cut has that unvary- 
ing thucketathucka, — thucketa-thucka 
disco beat and features gushing streams of 
strings surging along behind. Most of the 
lyrics are Dagwood celebrations of the 


good, simple middleclass—and middle- 
aged—life. “Oh, no, she's taken all of the 
blanket “Wafiles need syrup, 


peanut butter ne 


ls jam / I need to know 
that I'm your mi zy you stay 
with me if my mind starts to go?” 
Good for him, certainly, that he is trying 
to get with growing older instead of pre- 
tending it’s not happening. Without the 
Disco-Tex arrangements, these songs 
might sound brave instead of unfortunate. 
But the arrangements are there 
Tone, for instance, has a repeated dopey 
Tijuana-manic horn figure that sounds 
like it was copped from the theme song of 
some television quiz show. We kept hop- 
ing for a clue that it might all be a Coun- 
try joke, but, no, "t weren't funny, McGee. 
Dion's Streetheart (Warner Bros) is 
much more successful. But, good as it is, 
anyone who saw Dion perlorm simply 


Color- 


and beautifully with Phil Everly on 
Soundstage will testify ас it would have 


been ten times better if he weren't so 
busy ducking strings, horns and other 
overwhelming production goodies. It is 
as if the producers of both albums 
were convinced they had to cover up 
their singers with productions lush as 
Pre-Raphaclite jungles. But to what end? 
Го appeal to their presumably 35ish 
audience, which in its dedining years 
presumably likes such shit? To hide their 
bald spots? To see if they dare to wear 
their tuxedos rolled? We will never know. 

Its especially perplexing in regard to 
Dion first-rate rocker with 
genuine Brooklyn strectcorner. creden- 
tials way back when. The record com- 
ay, in fact, is hyping him as "the 
ginal Fonzie” “That's an insult to 
Dion, who was and is much beter than 
that, and it implies a lot more rock 
‘n’ roll inside than we get. Still, pop as 
much of it is, it’s far 
than anything on the Country Joe al 
bum. Dion has a better voice—it's still 
strong but more sensitive now—and he 
also scems musically brighter about knock, 
knock, knockin’ on 35's door. Queen of 
59, which he co-wrote, is а wise ballad 
that should be with us for a while. And, 
for us diehard rockers, there is at least 
one—Louer Boy Supreme—that. 
of horrors, has a hot electric guit 
сап actually hear, 
tough and fine it will make you wish they 
were all like that. Maybe next time. 

А 

Earthquake plays rock ‘n’ roll. The 

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27 


PLAYBOY 


28 


new, but if you are looking for some 
loud, heavy, flatout music played by а 
group that can dim the streetlights just 
by turning on its equipment. then this 
is for you. 

The group is famous for its live per- 
formances, but on 8.5 (Beserkley). it for- 
sakes the live show for the studio. and 
the result is a tight, well-structured: al 
bum. Given a whole side of LP to 
nds doing live albums 
on а bit, but on 8.5, 
ps cuts short and the 

ical і that 
lefinitely or larded 


not carried oi 
h shtick. 

John Doukas sings as if the next note 
were going to tear out his vocal cords— 
which is exactly the tone for this kind 
of music. Behind him, guitarists Robbie 
Dunbar and С Phillips. bassist Stan 
Miller and d or Steve Nelson play 
like people who know their music and 
other. 
rthquake can be faulted for ihe 
echoes of Townshend and Daltrev— 
among others—in its music. It is obviou 
ly not out to create 
but it does very nicel 
n established genre. Rock 7 
ic Гог the body and Earthquake is a 
group that can get you mov 

. 

Asleep at the Wheel plays music for a 

jukebox, Not one of those fancy 


new style for itself, 


T 


stereo jobs that hold 88 singles and a 
lidozen albums but an old. beat-up 
nickela-play, six-ora«quarer jb. with 


hall of is colored-plastic lights. busted 
out by drunken cowboys looking to im- 
prove their evening by getting beat up. 

On Wheelin’ and Dealin (Capitol). the 
group—nine men. опе woman—demon- 
strates its substantial debt to. Bob Wills 
and Western swing with Miles and Miles 
of Texas. while dip other 
local traditions for so Cajun 
Shipper and. They Raided the Joint. 

It also does a nice localcolor. job on 
Bobby Troup's Коше 66. Troup prob 
ably conceived of the song as it would 


DINO ON DECK. _ 


be done in LA, Eleven ye 
d" Style isn't anything you can practice. Rolling Stones recorded it as it would be 
It's something you're born with. done in Chicago. Now we have ir the 
Like Dino. Very long, very thin. way they do it in Amarillo. Someday 
we'll fill in the whole road. 
veryelegant. Western swing—in case you haven't 
Whereveryou been following us—was invented back in 
smoke Dino it tells the Thirties, mainly by Wills. Wills 
people you're a but he used country inst 
man witha style of such as fiddle and steel guitar t 
yourown: zz licks usually handled 1 


The result 
d 


DINO 
DY GOLD LADEL 


the Wheel—it is 
revival. 

fractions are singers 
y Benson and LeRoy 


The album's 
Chris O'Connell, В: 


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Preston, whose voices аге as quintessen- 
tially Texas as an Easy Rider rifle rack 
on the rear window of an airconditioned 
pickup. 


E 

A few days after Linda Ronstadt re- 
leased Hasten down the Wind (Asylum). 
we caught the country singer in concert 
At the end of the first song, she asked 
the audience to bear with her—she was 
recovering from а cold and was still 
hoarse. We should all be so hoarse. Dur 
ing rhe next few hours she moved 
through old favorites and introduced the 
audience to the songs on her new album. 
The verdict was unanimous: Ronstadt is 
stronger and more confident than суст 
before, and with good retson—the new 
material is equal, if not superior, to the 
best of her standards, Backed by one of 
the strongest bands in the business, she 
moves from an infectious reggae tune 
Give One Heart, to a funky Ry Cooder 
classic, The Tattler—then breaks your 
heart with Someone lo Lay Down Beside 
Ме. by Karla Bonoff. The nicest surprise 
of the evening (and of the album) was 
Try Me Again, a magnificent song i 
the tradition of Love Has No Pride. co- 
authored by Ronstadt and Andrew Gold. 
If Linda loses her voice, she can. make it 
asa songwriter. 


. 
Three years on the road with Aretha, 
followed by three with Stevie, then five 
with Miles should prepare a musician 
for anything. We hope it has prepared 
Michael Henderson—bassist for all the 
above and still just 25—for stardom, be- 
cause that's where he's headed. And Solid 
(Buddah) is remarkable not just for its 
bionic hoogies—you'd expect them from 
a bass player—but also for Henderson's 
romantic ballads (Valentine Love, Be 
My Girl) and the strong, mature vocal 
treatments he gives them. If George Ве 
son can do it. Michael, you can, too. 
. 
Judy Collins debuted y 


0 as one 


singers created by the folk boom that 
ended the Fifties. It was hard to tell most 
1 without a score card. bur 
ns rather quickly established. herself 
an excellent musician who also knew 
that the words of a son 
mean something, She has also been a 
consistent innovator, brauch 
traditional material into show 
Brecht-Weill collaborations and the work 
of many of the "new" x 
Sixties. Her latest album. Bread and Roses 
ues the exploraition—ana 


are supposed to 


g out from 


umes, 


writers of the 


career 

Collins was one of the first sing 
turn on to Leonard Cohen, and her latest 
has а beautilully wrought. version of his 
Take This Longing that is certainly the 
high point of the album. Close behind is 
a Duke Ellington tune, / Didn't. Know 


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About You, that. demonstrates. Collins? 
versatility: She docs it with a simple 

i nd acousticbass backing that fits 

perfectly. At her best—which 
is on this cut—she can render di 
mates ay that respects the in 
tegrity of the song without compromis- 
ing her own style, 

Her one weakness has been ап осса- 
sional lapse in material selection. She is 
a woman of serious political concerns 
who obviously wants to sing abeut those 

s—a desire that has led her to 

bad numbers in a good cause. 

a Un Labrador is onc such, but 

e song is a fine melding of politics 

art. By Mimi Fariña and James Op- 

penheim, it's a joyous marching song for 

the women’s movement, and Collins han- 
«les it in rousing Fashion. 

А 

It’s our bent, not so much as reviewer 
as music fan, to disparage а fine new 
album if it’s a weak follow-up to pre- 
vious genius. And Michael Dinner's Tom 
Thumb the Dreamer (Fantasy) is the fine new 
Ibum, It's LA., commercial, sparkli 

uky and folky, in that cider. Topan 
poetry that could do well without th 
string section. But step , before the 
grand saddling up of the L.A. cowboys— 
the Burrito descendants and fledgling 
Eagles, cons before Zevon, Souther, Gold: 
Vhere appeared early in 1975 an un- 
hyped Dinner set called The Great Pre- 
tender. Commercial, too. Folky and kinky. 
And genius. A damn hard act to follow 
Гор it with someone's decision to drop 
the pedal steel ır from Dinner's 
studio group (The Dinettes, natch) and 
Tom Thumb pulls up slightly lame. But 
don't lose faith and perhaps we won't 
have to wait two years for the next album. 


SHORT CUTS 

lady Flash / Beauties in the Night (RSO): 
A Bary Manilow-produced girl group 
that tries to be П people and 
comes across predictably phony 

People’s Choice / We Got the Rhythm 
(TSOP): Tastefully charted disco-soul 
tunes that go on too long, damn it. 

Black Smoke (Chocolate City): The beat 
would be enough, but the group's also 
got tough vocis and high-energy horn 
charts. 

Bonnie Bramlett / Lady's Choice (Capri- 
сот): A full, tasty plateful of James 
Brown, Jimmy Reed, Hank Ballard and 
litle Bobby Dylan served up savory ac 
cording to the lady’s own recipes. 

Famin’ Groovies / Shake Some Action (Sir 
The Groovies masquerade as the Beatles, 
circa 1966, and do not win the Best 
Costume Award. 

Herbie Hancock / Secrets (Columbia): Re- 
member Sparky's magic piano? Well, 
Herbie’s got it now. He's also got the 


best jazz-rock group around. 


John Newcomba- 
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34 


MOVIES 


California bail bondsman meets а 

wild gypsy girl who lives with hi 
leaves him and disrupts his dull but 
ordered. existence by turning up aga 
аг or so later, in . How the bonds- 


ensi the tale of Alex end the 
Gypsy, costarring Jack Lemmon and 
nevieve Bujold. Director John Kort 
known for such appealingly quirky small- 
canvas films as Crazy Quilt ai d Riverrun 
(as well as for last year's TV hit The 
Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman), 
obviously finds gypsies irresistible. 
Though he is handicapped by a soso 
screenplay. Комуз underlying purpose 
is to weigh the values of the stra 
d against the freedom, irrespons 
ty and allembracing spontaneity of 
the gypsy life. Their ways are certainly 
winning as embodied by Bujold, who 
ues to build her reputation as а 
tress who so submerges 
п personality in each character she 
portrays that she has not yet established 
a star image in the public eye. Perhaps 
she just doesn't give a damn or cares 
more about transiorming every part she 
akes into vivid proof that there are good 
roles for women if the right women hap: 
pen to play them. Bujold is decidedly 
the main attraction of Alex and the 
уру. despite а finely sliced wedge of 
Lemmon at his most sardonic. 
. 
CBS nor NBC would allow its 


Neithe 


s to be used for filming The Front. 
bably right. since tele 
nkrupt 
thi 


They were pr 
vision's top brass looks morally ba 
ıd intellectually out to lunch in 
wise, witty, ironic and impor 
about black-lisi the enteri: 
industry back im the hysteric 
America 


Fifties, 
culture was ruled by 
McCarthyism, a variety of homegrown 


fascism known at the time as militant 
anticommunism. Of course, the big news 
about The Front is that it offers Woody 


Allen in a serious role asa s gly brash, 
opportunistic restaurant cashier who 
achieves fame and fort id ultimate 


ly develops an embryonic code of hon- 
or—alter becoming the front, or beard, for 
iter pal (Michael. Murphy) who has 

blacklisted by the networks as 
mie sympathizer. Judged strictly as 
ctor, Woody has never been better 
though his performance is disconcertingly 
funny at times, which could be a problem 
for ces conditioned 10 seeing him 
in the context of his manic 

Yet he's marvelously real and 
convincing as the schnook who fronts for 
а stable of three writers and gets so drunk 
with success in a mad, mad world that he 
st ишет and O'Neill and 
tends to fuss about the quality of the 
ipis he puts his name ou; he's also 


w 


s reading 


The Front: a serious Woody. 


“The Front is a horrifying 
tragicomic fable for our 
time, laced with a kind of 
restorative liberal venom.” 


Gypsy with a Lemmon twist. 


surprisingly credible in his romantic 
scenes opposite movie newcomer Andrea 
Marcovici (altogether lovable as a girl 


which lends a sting of strong person 


conviction to The Front. It is not a 
comprehensive or sweeping indictment of 
the McCarthy , but it’s a horrifying 
tragicomic fable for our time, laced with 
a kind of restorative liberal venom. Zero 
Mostel, Herschel Bernardi, Lloyd Gough 
nd Joshua Shelley—all blacklisted per- 
formers in their day—play pivotal roles, 
and Mostel supplies a climactic knoc 
out punch as an oldschool stand-up 
comedian who succumbs totally to the 
search-ancd-destroy tactics of Ше Red- 
hunting fanatics. After an opening œl- 
lage of newsreel clips to set the sce 
The Front doesn’t name names—not 
McCarthy n's — unofhei, 
muckraking scandal sheet, Jted Channels, 
nor the outol-town supermarket. owner 
who once ide TV execs and admen 
grovel by threatening to link “pinko” 
actors and sponsors’ products—but they 
are all clear and present dangers in a 
film that deserves to be studied, in thi 
post-Watergate period of cynicism, аз а 
history lesson we cannot айога to forge 
Ritt and Bernstein, bless them, get their 
message across by cleverly disguising it 
as the most warm-blooded monster movie 
of 1976. 


. 

These are bad time 
moguls but. very good ‚ for 
such distinguished boob-tube alumni as 
writer Paddy Chayefsky and director 
Sidney Lumet, whose outrageous and 
breath-taking Network makes The Front 


look relatively innocuous. To be fair, 
The Front deals with television then, 
while Network is a "now" movie in every 


It is dramatic dynamite, а [ar-out 
у that speaks to the Seventies the 

y Dr. Sirangeloz + to the chaotic 
Sixties more than a decade ago. The same 
sure to be leveled 
savers who will point out that the 
wie is exaggerated, onesided, w 
d aesthetically on a par with 
assault. АП of which may be hall true, 
thou Network levels counterch 
against the TV-bred generation to which 
it addresses itsell ı three 
percent of you read books . . . the only 
truth you know is whar you get out of this 
tube.” So saith Peter Finch in a tourde- 
force performance as Howard Beale, 
chor man in the news deparument. of 
fictional fourth major network, where 
Faye Dunaway. William Holden, Robert 
Duvall, Ned Ве sizzling cast 
play the power games of bigtime broad- 
casting as if they were combatants in a 
vicious blood sport. 

Chayefsky, who clearly h 


sense. 


"Because less t 


soft 


s no 


his own origins in the so-called 
ge o television, sees the TV 
medium as à deadly weapon more i 


The Bomb. The corporate 


sidious th: 


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35 


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cultural brutes he exposes 
would commit der a 
toprated prime-time bit, and they are 
finally compelled to arrange one as the 
film progresses from realistic satire into 
€ burlesque. Fired at the outset be- 
ve plunged, Beale an 
nent suicide on The 
suffers а nervous 


the price of a 


to blather about 
the “bullshit” he's been spewing over 
the airwaves. once response is so 


tremendous, his bosses decide to keep him 
on, breakdown and all. as a kind of 
ving TV messiah who often. passes out 
while do ng “the hypoaisy of c 
ime.” "There's nothing sacred, and much 
e's obscene, in the me, Mean 
while, United Broad le pro 


gram chief. vibr: comes 
up with an idea for a new hit show 
«d on the activities of a revolutionary 


oup called the Ecumenical Liberation 
Army (“Each week we open with an 
authentic act of political terrorism”) 
whose oncamera offenses are provocatively 
tiled The Mao Tsetung Hour. Before 
p's black militants—in а 
contractncgotiating session at 
-out—are just another mar 
le entertainment package. fussing abou 
fecs for syndication. Crazy? You bet it i 
The outer limits of McLuhanism: The 
lium is the message. But crazy. pulls 
viewers, In the words of Holden, giving 
the performance of his career as а de- 
posed. news-department head who dimly 
remembers the idealistic good old days. 
we live in a new world just this side of 
19 Suicide . . . mad bombers 
terrorists . . . the Death Hour, a great 
Sundaymight show lor the whole 
we'd wipe that fuckin Disney 
right off the air." Part of the trauma that 
gain some psychological 
frustrating = extramari- 


mikes love to the point of climax. wi 
our once interrupting her. blow-by-blow 
account of a current intramural battle at 


network Н.О. 
Director Lumet dares а lot more than 


as audacious as Kubrick or Altman. Every 
star under his command delivers а per- 


of them seeming to catch an extra bit of 
fire from Chayefsky’s incendiary screen 
play. Chayelsky is wordy, yes but his 
words have impact and he's not afraid 
y ideas 


Network finally goes imo orbit far b 
yond the scope of inside-TV_ bitchery, 
focusing upon Duvall and Beatty (both 
sensational) as a couple of the larger 
sharks from а huge cor te whose 
ultimate aim abs and 
other powerand-money men—is "a vast 
dominion ol dollars,” with television 


отет 


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PLAYBOY 


40 


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s a boredom-killing 
es become restless. 
Such notions are not the crowd-pleaser 
stuff of pop entertainment. for five 
minutes of Network demands more from 
a moviegoer than your average TV addict 
could imagine in a month of bleary 
Sundays. 


side show, lest the v 


. 
Bugsy Malone is a G-rated musical about 
gangsters at the tag end of the Roaring 
Twenties. Does that sound cutesy? You 
ain't heard nothin The cast, led by 
pintsized Scott Baio as Bugsy and 13- 
year-old Jodie Fost whiskey-voiced 
night-club chantootsie named Tallulah, is 
made up entirely of prepubescent or 
teenaged actors (average age: 12). The 
young fry shoot to kill with “splurge 
gums"—apparently loaded with c 
pie filling—and wheel around in vini 
powered getaway car. Composer- 
Paul Williams provided 
's words and music, which aren't 
s bogus nostalgia. Made in England. 
the brain storm of writer-director Alan 
rker, the movie as a whole is almost 
nervingly slick and professional—a 
kiddicarload of old movie clichés per 
formed with relentless precocity by actual 
children, every last one of them looking 
ved midget. It boggles the 
mind to think of all the st mothers 
who must have fought like tigresses to 
make them what they are. There may be 
jegocrs who will find Bugsy Malone 
charming and wholesome. 
are welcome to it. From our point 
of view, this oddball enterprise brings to 
mind Dr. Samuel Johnson's timeless com- 
ment about a dog's walking upright on 
its hind legs; the question raised by such 
phenomenon, said Johnson, is 
not how well is the thing done—but 
why? 


aard- 


. 
French film maker Marcel Ophuls 
е Sorrow and the Pity, the 
ООБА ЕЕ НС ПЕ 
der the G 
claim to greatne 


nd his 


n Occupation 

сав rest securely on 
that. He may never find a beter subject, 
for his subsequ ks tend to lose by 
comparison. No exception is his four-and 
a-half-hour The Memory of Justice, à person- 
al and sometimes profound exami 
of the Nuremberg tials in which he 
suggests that German war guilt would be 
dificult to judge today—in a world 
morally corroded by the wars in V 
and Algeria, by CIA outrages and H 
bombs, by the horrors of My Lai and the 
Kent State massacre, Interviews with con- 
маса Albert Speer and Admiral 
Karl Dénitz, with Telford Taylor (chief 
at Nuremberg) and Daniel 
nd with Ophul own family 
с (asked 
by Жыл ab PORTO Weiter ad 
knew anyone who was connected with the 
Hitler Youth program, Mrs. Ophuls 


47... Nine la-dies danc-ing, 
Ten lords a-leap-ing, 
‘Leven pi-pers pip-ing, “What more could you ask for?” 
Twelve drum-mers drum-ming, 
And a par-tridge in a pear tree!” 


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ns as a nation probably hold 
"s inhumanity to man 
honest, sell 
, compassionate and fair-minded 
/ fault, Memory of Justice scems ах 
rea to unimpeachable as ihe Ten Command 

4 ments for liberal thinkers of every de- 
nomination. Liberals, however, won't 

ta learn much that they don't already know 
nd agree with Пет speech at 

Kent State really offers. few surprises). 

as soon as ш в йе шай ph rer BCE 
be required ing for the unconverted 

Mr who are not likely—in our relatively free 

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being told to think twice, or three times. 


Richard Kane, Conn. about sticky moral issues supposedly set- 


Пей decades ago. 


8 
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. 
Small, fragile films about the c 

of age of young virgins are generally easy 

to skip. But Veronique, or The Summer of My 

13th Year, а first feature by French direc 

tor Claudine Guilmain, looks at the 

adult world through the eyes of a clever, 

reflective teenager (Anne Teyssedre) who 

considers herself. depraved—or hopes t 

Ameren be, eventually. During a holiday with her 
godparents, a fairly sophisticated couple, 
Veronique learns а lot—especially after 
she haltinnocently lures her godfather 
into making a fumbling pass at her. Mlle. 
Guilmain, a former assistant to director 
Eric (Claire's Knee). Rohmer, treats the 
classic transformation from girlhood to 


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Billy Ayers, Kathy Boudin, Bernardine 
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are the controversial stars of Underground, 
a film by Mary L 
pher Haskell Wexler 
Antonio (whose Point of Orde 
ng with the Army-McCarthy he 
has become a documentary classic) 
Underground is less important as a film 
per se than as yet another test of First 
Amendment guarantees. Its five leadir 


! participants are fugitive members of the 
тети сотез 01018 Weather Underground. movement, wh 


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meetings 
were at 


with fugiti 
кей in Con 


s from justice. They 

ess last year (by 
Representative Larry McDonald of Geor 
gia) as “left-wing crackpois"; McDonald 
also read into the record а “dishonor 
roll” ol “Hollywood's radical chic colony" 
that supported De Amtonio—a list 
glivering with such names as Warren 
Beatty, Jelf Bridges, Jack Nicholson, Mel 
Brooks and Shirley MacLaine. Because 
Underground is a movie about subyer 
sives who freely admit blowing up banks 
and a Greenwich Village town house, and 
planting a bomb in the U.S. Capitol 
building, any American has the right to 
detest it—but not the right ло suppress 
it, and certainly no right to punish the 
film makers who challenge us to listen to 
the faceless, muflled, youthful, occasional- 
ly tiresome, perhaps prophetic voice of 
dissidence in America. 

. 

Filmed biographies of frontier outlaws 
are a hardy perennial subject lor cinem 
yet Mad Dog manages to look fresh, au 
thentic and impassioned—as if 27-year-old 
writer-director Philippe Mora got carried 
nd made the movie out of pure 
10 a dozen 
classic Westerns. Mad Dog, set in 
alia, is photographed (by Mike 
Malloy, who filmed Stanley Kubrick's 
Barry Lyndon) with such unreal splendor 
that the eye-popping scenery often те 
sembles a painted backdrop. The movie 
telly the sad могу of а horse thief and 
highwayman named Daniel Morgan 
(1833-1865). a legendary figure among 
Aussie badmen. Dennis Hopper plays 
Mad Dog Morgan, as he came to һе 
known, with that special crazed intensity 
that is virtually а Hopper trademark and 
that happens to jibe perfectly with Mora's 
portrait of Morgan as an ill-used, illiter 
a nd sexually inept 
an carly age for 
is buggered and 
n prison and begins to form 

i Геце. There's 
—all to the good—in 


away 


lonely. drunken 
misfit. Jailed 


the ha 
some poetic lice 
Mora’s screenplay, which shows Mor- 
as а pathetically bightencd man 
ing behind the Mad Dog myth. The 


only friend he fully trusts is an aborigine 
(David Gulpilil, first seen in the Aus 
walianamade Walkabout im 1971) who 
once saved his life: his wail is dogged by 
bounty hunters, by a French. photog 
rapher who seems intent on capturing 
him for posterity, dead or alive—and 
endent, who 
aph: “Ой 
forget thc 
cresting 


by a sadistic district super 


scrotu 


tobacco pouch." Happily, that act of vio 
lence is not shown, though Mad Dog 
offers several others that may put even 
ong stomachs to the test. Those who 
can bear it will find that this memorable 
wildcat bio. produced on a pennyante 


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budget. has enough meat on its bones to’ 


ke Morgan more than a match for 
Jesse James or Billy the Kid. 
FILM CLIPS 


51. Ives: Ch: 
eye, joins John. Housem: 
Schell and scrumptious Jacqueline Bisset 
in а $4,000,000 caper that they perform 
tongue in cheek, though severely hand 
capped by footin-mouth dialog. 

The Sunday Woman: Bisset bounces back 
(her voice dubbed in lian, with Eng 
lish subtitles) as a spoiled little rich 
bitch telling less than she knows about 
a murder victim who ha 
with a piece of phallic stat 
Mastroianni, as а police inspector. and 
Jean-Louis. Trintig ss е ladys 
favorite faggot, help gather up the loose 
ends—all fashionably’ Frayed imd amus- 
ing to follow 

How Funny Con Sex Ве?: Just passibly 
n spots, according to the evidence 
caer Dino Risís cightpart sex 


been zonked 
y. Marcello 


comedy played by Laura Antonelli aud 
i, who do what they 
they manage to do 
the muhiple voles 


aded to them 

The Clockmoker: Опе of France's. finest 
actors, Philippe Noiret, im an 
winning film by fledgling director 
wand Tavernier. whose lowke 
poignant drama describes how a doggedly 
ordi 


when his wayw 


y ma 
arrested. for murder, establish: 
tionship with ihe boy by lening 
with grace and dignity 

Burnt Offerings: An evil oll house, cl. 


а new batch of human sacrifices. 
icets still resistance [rom Karen. Black. 
Bete Davis and Oliver Reed, who p 


this absurd modern gothic horror show 
as if it were premium Grand Gu 

Get Charlie Tully: In the title 
bawdy English comic named Dick Emery 
works up some very broad sport as а 
con man tracking down four shapely 
birds whose fannies can make his for- 
tune—since the digits tattooed. thereon 
are his only clues to the number of 
secret Swiss bank account. 

Idi Amin Dada—A Self Portrait; French 
director Barbet Schroeder's “authorized” 
biography of dis eccentric. dict 
tor—who welcomed Palestinian hijackers 
long belore the Entebbe incident—may 
bc one of the great sick jokes of modern 
cinema. General Amin also wrote the 
music to accompany his nonstop mono- 
log (photographed by Nestor Almendros) 
in pidgin English collage of utter 
nonsense from one of the world’s most 
dangerous political clowns. Scary. 

Survive: Crash-landed in the Andes, а 
South discovers a 


winter spor 
aply dubhed, Me: 
produces instant 


Es э 
cial acceptabil 


ity on the heels of 
the soft-core, X. 
raced Alice in 


Wonderland, pro- 
ducerdirector J 
nas Middleton 
Through the Looking 
Glass is 
landmark movie 
to display beaver 
s it were 
raunch mink. 
proving tha 
hard-cor 


the latest 


prose vers 
Looking Glass de- 
scribes it with т 
sonable accuracy 
as “a seething nov- 
el of supernatural 


do, looks sexiest 
with her clothes 
on and is prob- 
ably on her way 
to bigger—if not 


bi 


1— conquests. 
. 

A wealthy, 
bored, neglected 
young housewife 
goes on a sexual 
binge as à spare 
time prostitute in 
The Joy of Letting 
Go, an elegant 
chunk of San 
Francisco porn 
from femme pr 
Summer 


ducer 
Brown, who made 
China Girl. May- 
be we just imag 
ine that Brown's 


feminine touch is 


sex.” The demonic all 
tale bears abso- 

lutely no resem- ory is credited 
blance to Lewis director—but this 
Carroll's chil- s high-concen- 
dren's classic, be- The Devil makes her do it. te erotica, shot 
yond the title; its — a kind of 
mainly a psycho: Mimacy and 


logical thriller, 
study of obsessive 
cissism focused 
the face. fig. 


on 


young woman 


"Looking Glass is the 
latest landmark movie 
to display beaver as if 
it were raunch mink.” 


ice feeling for 
silky tones and 
textures. The re- 
spectableslut an- 
gle has been tried 
more than once 
before, and Let- 


whose sensual won- 
lies behind a mirror in a 
y attic room, She seems to have had 
an incestuous relationship with her 
ther, now deceased, who looked a lot like 
the Justy blueskinned brute who keeps 
groping her from beyond the pale every 
me she sneaks арм n ibis 
dual role as seducer, Jamie Gillis stands 
out both phallically and dramatically). 
The story need not be taken too seriously, 
but neither can it be scoffed at as just 
1other piece of sloppy pornography pre- 
tending to be a real movie. Director Mid- 
dleton has obviously learned а lot. since 
his last low-budget effort, Musions of а 
Lady; Looking Glass is porno with 

privileged air—beautifully photographed, 
sharply edited and spooked up with a 
ily atmospheric musical score by Arlon 
Ober. Topping the film's list of natural 
advantages is leading lady Catharine 
Burgess, an extravagantly beautiful 
blonde who claims that a double per 
formed her hardest-core close-ups (in any 
case, it's a deception so skillful you'll 
rdly notice). Though she lacks acting 
experience, Catharine clicks in front of 
a camera as all sex symbols instinctively 


— fing Go seems to 
а classy image somewhere be 
Emmanuelle and Luis Buiuel’s 
memorable Belle de Jour (which. had 
her the whoring mi- 
л quite make thar 
> 10 major-league status. though lead- 
lady Dominique St, Pierre brings a 
certain chic to porno that few hard-core 
performers can match. She's neith 


strive [or 
ween 


ıe Deneuve 
The movie doe 


r beau- 
tiful nor voluptuous, and she's no great 
E 

asl 
réges, and looks the part. There lies the 
secret. joy—and таубе the snob appeal— 
of Letting Go, which fulfills those man- 
withaemannequin fantasies by bringing 
ndl- 


ess: but she's billed as a former high 
п model for Halston and Cour 


haute couture down to the groir 


grab level of hard-co 
arly this 
spotter observed that the pori 
ns for respec 
а hooker vens for mink.” The staganovie 
folks havent quite made it yet. but 
Letting Go, like Looking Glas. definitely 
takes some strides along the path i0 up 


ar, a Variety showbiz wend 


him in 


lusty 


“yea 


bility the way 


ward n 


ability 


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80 Proof. Imported by ©1976 Heublein, Inc., Hartford, Conn. E 


ruman Capote has been called many 

things—from literary gadfly to serious 
writer—and his long-awaited novel “An- 
swered Prayers" isn't going to set the 
record straight if the reaction to the three 
chapters previewed in Esquire is any in- 
dication of what's to come. The media 
went crazy speculating about the real 
identities of his characters—which Capote 
says isn't the point of the novel at all. So 
PLAYBOY sent writer Beverly Gary Kemp- 
ton to talk with him in an atlempt to 
untangle media event from literary event. 
PLAYBOY probably 
spent more time try re out who 
the characters in your book are than re- 
king on how it works as a novel. 
tion to all this? 
carote: Amazement. I've published only 
pters, after all. 
How long will the finished 


PLAYBOY: 
be? 


It will print out to about 600 
pages of good-sized type. But at this point. 
1 don't think people understand what it 
is Lam doi 
PLAvBoY: What are you doing? 

cavore: I'm just carrying my ideas about 
nonfiction writing one step further. In 
Cold Blood was pure journalism: every 
word of it was true. But the logical exten- 
sion of that to write a novel that wa 
really а novel—and yet everything in it 
was true. A roman à clef is something 
that’s disguised very vaguely, but I'm not 
bothering to disguise anything. I'm laying 
it right on the line and, to me, it is 
literary experiment. 

rravmov: Why did you want to combine 
the two forms 
CAPOTE: Because I've never seen it done 
before and it's a challenge. My book is 
in no way modeled after Proust, although 
it has cert elements that are the same. 
Ivs very American and very contem- 
porary, written in a language that is of 
the moment. But I've always had the 
жу that Proust's books would have 
better if he hadn't spent all that 
ne disguising things and transposing 


viaysoy: When did the idea for this book 
come to you? 

слоте: About 20 years ago. I wrote the 
apes first, so I would always 
actly where 1 going, It’s 
complicated hook, like a series of 
ep opening and 


DW 
n the book? 
cavore: Just about everything. It's not 
about the jet set per that's just part 
of it. The book is really about the na 
rator, and even very intelligent. people 
seem to think the narrator is me, 


you uying to cover 


Capote on Capote. 


"My entire book is gossip. 
1 don't deny that for an instant. 
What I say is that all 
literature is gossip." 


PLAYBOY: Well, isn’t he? 

cavore: That has been the difficulty. 
Sometimes the narrator is me—for ex- 
ample, in a scene with Colette. But I 
took another person—his background 
and his particular personality—and 
gralted the two together. Otherwise, the 
book wouldn't work. There are certa 
things about the Mor that could 
never have happened to me, but there are 
also things about the narrator that could 
never have happened to the other per- 
son. It’s necessary to the story that the 
narrator be a failed person 

PLAYBOY: The main scene to which 
people are reacting is the one in the 
New York restaurant La Cote Basque. 
The narrator is lunching with the ladies 
of the jet set, some of whom, like Walter 
Mauhau's wife, Carol, are led by 
their real names, others of whom are 
called by fictional ones. Who is the nar- 
rator in this excerpt? 

cavore: Obviously, I am. 

PLAYBOY: Th tor im another ex- 
cerpt, “Unspoiled Monsters" says he'd 
like ıo be a grownup. What docs being a 


nar 


grownup mean to you? 
CAPOTE: | mean | wanted to have se 
mature feelings and mature judgments 


ad not be so 
my behavior 


ibjective and erratic in 
nd opinions. And I wanted 
10 be less fearful. 


riAYBOY: Is it possible to be grown-up? 
CAPOTE: No. Maybe on your deathbed. 
PLAYBOY: You've been in and out of the 
Cote Basque world for years. Why has it 
ttracted you, when you've said repeated- 
ly that much of what goes on there is a 
waste of time? 

APOTE: Because I wanted to write this 


өү: Really? 
POTE: Basically, yes. 
were four or five people in that wor 


Actually, there 
dI 


really liked a lot, and still like very 
much. 
PLAYBOY: Who? 


APOTE: Well, Ba 


Paley, Lee Radzi- 


will ... oh, I don't know, a half-dozen 
people. 

PLAYBOY: Are the rich differen? 

crore: Of course they are different. 


‘They have extraordinary freedom. They 
live in a dimension beyond that of most 
other people. They have a strange way of 
hanging together all the time, but they 
don’t really like one another at all. И as 
if they were afraid to go outside their 
iule enclave. 
PLAYBOY: What 
them? 
pore: 1 don't know, really. I'm a 
good conversationalist, very amusing. 
PLAYBOY: You never felt they were usi 
you? 
"on 
PLAY RO’ 


do you represent to 


very 


Oh, no. 

Bur you've been conscious, as 
the years went by, of the extent to which 
you were using them? 
yore: But I wasn’t using them. I mean, 
it was a fair exch 
PLAYBOY: Is gossip literature? 
carote: ОГ course it is—and, in fact, my 
entire hook is gossip. 1 don't deny that 
for an instant. What I say is that all 
literature 
ive literature. What in God's pre 
th is Anna Karenina or War and 
Peace or Madame Bovary if not gossip? 
Or Jane Austen? Or Proust? Gossip is the 
absolute exchange of hu 
tion, It can be two ladies at the | 
fence or Tolstoy writing War and Peace. 
Ptaywoy: Do people confide in you? 
crore: Oh, yes, they tell me, they write 
to me. 1 think its becuse 1 ha 
totally noncritical attitude; people feel 
they can tell me П. 1 can sce 
things from two 
emely stron 
femini 
of an combination. Both mi 
and women tell me things and Ic 
relate on two levels simultaneously 
rravsov: Do you care what other people 
think about you or your work? 
carote: 1 don't damn, really. 1 
know what I think about myself as a 
writer. The fact is I'm very good. But I 


а 


47 


PLAYBOY 


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Each gives you the excitement 
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Polaroid Electric Zip, the 
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pictures in a minute or black- 
and-white in seconds. “If 
you want it, 


a $2355 


The Super Shooter takes 
pictures in 2 sizes and uses 5 
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you automatic exposures (for 
all 5 films). Sharp 3-element 
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48 


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SX-70 photography starts 
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In minutes, you have a big 
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Pronto! RF has all the ad- 
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Choose one of the history- 
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49 


PLAYBOY 


50 


VIVITAR 75-205 
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Capabilities at close focus. The all new 
optical design will give you sharp, tight 
portraits and crisp, long shots. Get the 
cure at your Vivitar dealer for a very reason- 
able amountof scratch. 


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Vivitar 


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The album was recorded 
live at an outdoor concert, 
and now it's all coming 


bock to you. The heady, 
mogicol electricity of a 


hot metollic blue night— 
the air crackling with 
energy as the musicians 
tune up. And you're port 
of it all, wrapped in the 
uncluttered expanse of 
pure sound thot mokes 
Koss PRO/4AA's the 
most popular stereo- 
phones in the world. 

Let your oudio 
specialist show you 
the excitement of being = 
wrapped in the Sourd of Koss. You'll find that for the price 
you'll pay, Koss PRO/4AA's ore o rather inexpensive ticket 
to o performonce that begins at your commond, ond goes on 
and on, encore offer encore, for as long os you wont. It's 
like buying a stoirwoy to heaven. 


AKOS S stereophones 


from the people who invented Stereophones. 
KOSS CORPORATION, 4129 N. Port Woshington Ave., Milwaukee, WI 53212 
Koss Internationol/London, England * Koss Limiled/Ontorio, Canada: 


© Koss Corporation 


do want to prove to myself that I 
can do something as complicated as this 
book. 

rLAYBOY: And are you proving it to 
yourself? 
carote: So fi 


Gabriel Ga 


a Marquez’ second novel, 


The Autumn of the Patriarch (Harper & 
Row), has such magn 


strokes with which he pa 
portrait of the General 
vador Di 
Sentences 
stretch, making William 
read Ji 
sentences, all hung like a giant spider in 
a reticulum of horror. treachery and in- 
ue that makes Fr Aka seem a 
judge of every- 


lessly, a coun- 
try somewhere in the Caribbean. He has 
a herniated testicle he keeps in a sling. 
The hemia causes a pronounced whis- 
tling noise at inappropriate moments. He 
has no lincs in the palms of 
left 

enormous feet, wears а denim u 
with no in d makes love w 
removing his clothes to thousands of 
concubines, all of whom invariably give 
birth to runts, premature at seven months. 
Throughout the book, hundreds of as 
sasinarion plots are hatched st 
the General: i ely, he knows of 
them before thful 
guard, the defense 
cral Rodrigo de Aguilar, the only person 
allowed by law to beat him at dominoes, 
makes the fatal mistake, the General 
gathers the i herous 
guards for 
he to 


appear on time and the crowd gets more 
and more restless, “until 12 o'clock fin- 
ished chiming, and then the curtains 
ished Major Gen 


ay stretched out full length on a 
h of cauliflower and li 
steeped with spices, oven brown 

hed with the uniform of five golden 
almonds for solemn occasions . . . 14 
pounds of medals on his chest and a sp 
of parsley in his mouth, ready to be served 
at a banquet of comrades by the official 
carvers to the petrified horror of the guests 
as without breathing we witness the ex 
quisite ceremony of carving and serving, 
and when every plate held an equal 
portion of minister of defense stuffed 
wih pine nuts and aromatic herbs, he 
gave the order 10 begin, cat hearty, 


embel- 


which took from 1968 to 
¢, is а monolithic tale of a 


RUM REVELATIONS. 


Surprising facts every rum drinker should know. 


Ah, what rum drin 
don'tknow aboutrum 
So Myerss thinks it's 
time to raise some 
eyebrows. 


The first fact of rum. 
Rum comes in three 
shades: white, gold, and 
dark. Some light rums are 
blended to have a barely 
noticeable taste. Their 
flavor might fade in the 
drink. But Myers's is 
blended specially to be 
more flavorful. The Myers's 
comes through the mixer 


Another surprise. 
Dark rum isn tany stron; 
light rum. Both are th 
alcoholic proof. So Myers isn't апу 
stronger, even though it has a 
tastier rum flavor. 


More revelations. 
Myers's is more expensive. It’s 


imported fromJamaica where it's 


made slowly, in small batches. 
The richer taste is worth the time. 
And the price. 


Still another little known fact. 
Caribbean bartenders mix Myerss 
into exotic drinks made with 
lighter rums. They trust Myers 


TN 


to enhance the flavor. So discover 
for yourself the dash that Myers's 
adds to a simple Rum & Cola. The 


extra punch Myers's adds toa 
Planters Punch. Here are the 
recipes for your pleasure. 
Myers's Planters’ Punch: 
Combine in shaker, 3 oz. orange 
juice, juice of ^; lemon or lime, 
По. Myerss. Add 1 tsp. superfine 
sugar and dash of grenadine. Shake 
well and serve in tall glass filled 


WORLD FAMQUS 
IMPORTED 


with ice. Add orange slice, cherry. 


Мус ROR СА, 

Into a highball glass, add 1/5 oz. 

Myerss Rum. Fill glass with cola 

beverage. Add slice of lemon or 
lime, and stir. 


And finally, one last point. 
Dark rum is better to use in 
cooking than light rum. Myers's 


addsa fuller rum flavor to foods. 
prinkling Myers over 
grapefruit halves. It's a simple way 


an interesting first course. 
makes so many rum recipes 
even more delicious. 


So now that you know the facts, 
your choice should be clear: 
Myerss Rum. 

Because if you like rum, it's time 
you discovered the pleasures that 
wait for you in the dark. 


Next toMyers’ 
Allother Rums 
Seem Pale. 


Imported by Scagram Distillers Co., 375 Park Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10022, 80 Proof. 


51 


PLAYBOY 


Lo 


World's smallest 


35mm prec n camera. 


The Rollei 355, o full-frame precision 35mm camera witha fantastically 
sharp #/2.8 lens, shutter speeds to 1/500, coupled CdS match-needle 
metering system and a big, bright optical view finder. All with the 
meticulous German design and the standard of precision you expect of 
а Rollei. The Rollei 35S. It's so small, you'll think it's a pocket camera 
until you see the size and sharpness of А 

ihe images! A qalifyıcaerû stores: Rollei 35S 


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HOW TO INFLUENCE 
PEOPLE. 


Nothing makes a mon look more persuasive thon taking a 
LL cigar out of a tube. And there's no better tubed cigar for the 
_| money than Royale by Gold Label. A stylish cigar with a 
>) rich Comeroon wrapper. And all the mild- 
| ness and freshness sealed in by the 
tube. So take out a Royale and 
be impressive, even be- 


fore you speak. 


ROYALE z a tube 
by Gold. Label 


mad. powercrazed monarch who rules 
with uncertain motives a land ol 
ıknown dimensions containing a pop 
ulation of mysterious origin and indeter 
minate size who are hired by a subversive 
military at enormous cost to stage out- 
rageous demonstrations of their love for 
the General so that he might never learn 
that they all truly hate him for such 
things as sending 2000 children out to 
sea on a concrete barge and dynamiting 
it so that no one ever learn that 
those children were part of a plot to fix 
the national lottery. 
E 
Gunshot, Ricoch 
ANNOUNCER: Now, as gunshots 
echo across the windswept, snow- 
covered. reaches of the wild North- 
west, Quaker Pulled Wheat... . 
Gunshot. Ricochet 
axsouncer: And Quaker Pufled 
Rice... 
Gunshot. Ricochet. 
ANNOUNCER: The break 
shot from guns. 
Two gunshots. 
ANNOUNCER: Present . . . Se 
Preston of the Northwest Mounted 
Police, in his relentless pursuit of 


t cercals 


On, King! On, you 


If you are over 30, this Tittle script 
probably rings in your ears like a familiar 
old voice. Three umes a week, from 1947 
to 1955, Sergeant Preston. got his man 
in most of America's living rooms. Rad 
entertiinmeni—born 1926, died 196: 
murdered. by Cyclops—is survived only 
by a bland and monotonous repetition of 
news and music. R.I.P. In those days. 
radio lelt enough. to the imagination to 
be great fun: it deserved a heuer end 
The hundreds of radio drama, comedy 
and variety shows—gone now and prac- 
ually forgonen—that entertiined two 
generations of Americans are cvaloged 
in John Dunnings Tune in Yesterday 
(Prentice-Hall), Arranging his book iu 
alphabetical order, with a few paragraphs 
recalling casts, plots and famous lines of 
hh show. Dunnin le it easy [or 
reader to browse through, pick out old 
orites and enjoy some amusing пох 
algia. ME of America’s old friends— 
Fibber McGee and Molly 
Idersleeve, “The Green 
Horne Once again, you can 
hear Orson. Welles as Lamont Cran- 
ston intoning the mesage that The 
Shadow knows what evil luks in the 
hearts of men and Smilin’ Ed McConnell 
telling Froggy the Gremlin to plunk his 
magic twanger. 


has ma 


her 


. 

Never mind that it reads like decp 
background for poli sci 101. The message 
of Morton Mintz and Jerry $. Colen’s 
Power, Inc. (Viking) is clear: Vast arcas 


Panasonic introduces CB,FM, AM, FM stereo 
and more room for your knees. 


Those dangling under-dash CBs may bring you closer to 


“good buddy" CBers. But they can separate you from the 
buddies you really want to get close to. 

So Panasonic designed a CB that fits in your 

. dashboard, Model CR-B1717. That also includes 
FM/AM/FM stereo. So your knees are free. And your 
ears are always pleasantly occupied. 

Of course, Panasonic CB gives you more than just 
extra room for your knees. You get a variable squelch 
control to reduce noise level. Delta tuning to correct 
incoming signals when they're off the mark. An S/RF 
meter to tell whether your signals are coming on 
strong enough. An easily detachable microphone. 


And, so you won't miss anything important, there's a 
stanóby monitor. To bring in CB calls even while the 

radio is tuned to AM or FM. And because that CB is played 
through your stereo speakers, it sounds better than the 
tiny speaker in many under-dash CBs; 

All in all, it's quite a stereo radio. Not just because 
it's aPanasonic. But because it has pushbutton and 
manual tuning. An AM/FM slide bar. Four-way balance 
control for use with four speakers. Even a stereo 
indicator light. 

With our in-dash CB with FM/AM/FM stereo, you 
get more room for your knees. And that means more 
room for alot of other things. 


Panasonic. 


just slightly ahead of our time. 


PLAYBOY 


of Governmen 
tions functio! ally free from public 

iny, to say nothing of accountabil 
atergate revealed merely the tip 
1 iceberg: its lesson. to quote Con- 
n Richard Bolling of Missouri, is 
а a President who w 
either blind or willful—but that there 
was nobody watchi Cougressional 
committee chairmen were supposed to be 
our watchdogs, but—although regularly 
apprised of FBI and CIA wrongdoings 
over the years—they said nothing: they. 
the book points out, are “overseers who 

not overs 
па and Cohen designed Power, Inc. 
more sweeping sequel to their 
Inc., and this tedious thicket— 
g thousands of cases of Govern- 
ad corporate ur 


gressm 
"not that we 


M 
as а 
America 


h is 
founding fathers . . 
by the evolution, 
sign. of a scofllaw 


BI bugging at 
home, fatal irresponsibility in regulatory 
agencies (remember the 1974 DC10 
crash outside Paris, when 345 people died 
because a door blew off) 

As a solution, Mintz and Cohen cheer- 
fully propose a con: 
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bombing in 


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styles through 200 years of oppression. 
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of the laundress for Custers Seventh 
Cavalry, who died while her husband, a 
Corporal Nash, was out on pauol. When 
the ladies of the fort laid the poor soul 
out, they discovered that Mrs. Nash was 
a Mr. You won't see that scene in a John 
Wayne movie. 
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SELECTED SHORTS 


insights and outcries on matters large and small 


GOODBYE, 
JOEY ERNST 


By Edgar Smith 


DEATH ROW gets frighteningly quiet the 
п execution. Most of the men lie 
beds, reading or listening to 
on their headphones, respecting 
the right of the condemned man to be 
left alone in peace and quiet. But it was 
neither peaceful nor quiet on the row the 
night Joey Ernst burned. 

Joey Ernst was the second-to-last man 
executed. in the state of New Jersey—on 
July 31, 1962. 1 was in the cell next to 
Joey's that night, and by the time I wa 
released nine years later, I had spent 
Imost 15 years under а death sentence— 
more than anyone else in modern Ame 
ican penal history. Within months, 
America had joined the growing list of 
countries that abolished legalized mur 
der—the death penalty. In the eyes of 
many, America had taken one more step 
toward being civilized 

Joey Ernst was a short, muscular, 
heavily tattooed 22-year-old from Camden, 
New Jersey. He was sentenced 10 death 
for the murder of his teenaged girlfriend. 
whose offense was to have Joey arrested 
for beating her up with a soda-pop bottle 
several weeks carlier. He often boasted 
to inmates and guards alike that “I fuck- 
in’ near shot one of her hig tits off 

‘Three men were executed while I was 
on death row, but Jocy was the strangest. 
His hero was Hitler. I saw his cell deco: 
rated with swastikas and pictures of Nazi 
leaders. Jocy fancied himself a tough guy 
d liked to bounce around his cell on 
the balls of his feet, hi: nds carefully 
wrapped with strips of bed sheet and 
clastic bandage, snorting through the nose 

d throwing punches at the walls. For 
men who have failed at everything else 
in thcir lives, including aime, there is 
nothing left except 10 prove their man- 
hood, to show that they "t failures at 
that, too. 

‘The guards often let two men at a time 
out of their cells on Friday—shower day. 
Опе Friday, just а couple of months 
before his execution, Joey was in the 
shower while Freddy Sturdivant was let 


sentence for the sexual assault and mur- 
der of his threeyearold stepdaughter. 
па 


Joey waited until Freddy's back w 
turned and he had arrived just in front 


of Joey's cell. Then Joey scooped up his 
towels and shower clogs in his left hand 
and ran silently barefoot down the wir 
behind Freddy. He hauled off with his 
bandaged right hand and punched 
Freddy in the back of the head, then 
jemped imo his cell. pulling the self. 
locking door shut behind him. The punch 
sounded like the thud of a watermelon 
dropped on the street, Freddy doubled 
ched up to his head. Joey 
That'll teach k 
motherfucker!” 
Jocy hated blacks almost as much as 
he hared Jews. 


. 
Joey was scheduled to die at ten P.M. 
the traditional. execution 


Jersey. His la 
night was typical—a d 
cooked turkey, canned peas, m 


id 
to 


t most of us felt it would be obscene 
at it 

Joey kept up a st m of dhane 
between mouthfuls of his last supper 
perhaps to bolster his own courage or to 
“prove something" one last time. Once he 
called for a volunteer to go into the 
ion room and hold his hand while 
ied. 
We could hear the prep: 
pleted in the d 


ly stre: 


ions being 
ath. chamber only 30 
fect from where Joey ate and joked 
‘There was the scraping of wooden d 
оп the cement floor as the witnesses were 
brought in. At 9:45, the outside door to 
the death house opened. and the escort 
detail filed in—40 men, 28 of whom 
were volunteers. all big and tough, all 
veterans of previous executions. They 
clustered silently in front of Jocy's cell, 
separated or 


irs 


potatoes. ice cream, collec. and 
cake served, for some reason, with all 
meals. It was a huge thing, flat, about 18 
ch cross, 24 inches long, four hes 
thick and covered with all sorts of color- 
ful, fancy swirled decor 
served опе of those ugly things with the 
last meal for cach of the three executions 
Т witnessed, and on each occasion it was 
thrown untasted into the garbage can. It 
was such a goddamn festive-looking thin 


pulling their cigarettes nervously. 

Tey, Sm look at these clowns,” 

Joey shouted to me. “They look like 

they're going to the chair 1 of me" 
Ar 9:59, there was a knock on the inside 

of the green door to the execution cham 


ber. “That's it, Mr. Eros,” said the 
officer in charge. “It’s time to go.” 
Jocy was sitting on the end of his bed. 


ck and forth, stirrin 
n into a mush in his 


his legs swinging ba 
the pint of ice crea 


bowl, “Wail I finish my ice cream,” he 
said. 
The officer looked at the others, then 
looked at Joey. “But it's time.” 

I ain't finished my 


rden was stunned. Men alw 
deaths at ten o'clock in 
Now Jersey. For Joey to upset the official 
table was extremely discourteous. 
Some of the witnesses might still have 
other things to do that evening, perhaps 
rush home and cuch The Tonight Show. 
It could also set a bad precedent. The 
nesses were all very important people 
who had been assured by the state that 
the show would begin promptly at ten. 
Delay an execution? Unthinkable, It 
could give the prison a bad name. 

At two or three minutes after ten, Joey 
dropped the stainless-steel bowl and 
spoon into his sink with a loud crash and 
said, “OK, let's get this fuckin’ show on 
the road. We can't disappoint the vul- 
tures" Joey stopped for a moment to 
flick his cigar butt into the shower room, 
then stepped into the execution chamber. 
the big steel door clanging shut behind 
him. 

A few minutes later, the escort. detail 
returned. One officer nodded sheepishly 
as he walked past my cell and out of the 
death house. Joey Ernst was dead. 


Edgar Smith spent over 14 years on 
death yow for murder in the first degree. 
He was released in 1972, when the plea 
was changed to second-degree murder. 


JO TELL 
THE TRUTH 


By Thomas Plate 


xor roxa aco, Johnny Carson was talking 
about Ron Nesen, the White House 
ary who was formerly NBC's 
correspondent. Carson was 
ing to define Nessen's job. He 
ly concluded that when Jerry Ford 
1 nothing to say, Nessen's job was to 
io words. 
Carson might have added to this 
otherwise correct observation—perhaps 
he was inhibited by deference to Nes- 
sen's former and his own current em- 
ployer—was that on those rare occasions 
when Gerald. Ford is forced to say some- 
thing, it is often Nesse 
it. As White House press secretary, Ron 
Nessen is paid some $44,000 to play the 


required games with the ruh. As a net- 
work correspondent, by comparison, he 
made a lot more to reveal the truth. And 
arison raises a tantalizing ques- 
tion: Why would a man give up a 
$60,000-plus job that necessarily involves 
some truthtelling for а $44,000 job that 
necessarily involves a great deal of 
untruthtelling? 

The obvious answer—the one that 
would be advanced by the political- 
science professors—is that the President 
of the United States is one of the most 
powerful men on earth. The opportunity 
to be next door to the center of the uni 
verse was Clearly seductive for men like 
James Hagerty (Ike). Pierre Salinger 
U-F-K), Bill Moyers (L-B.J.), Ron Zieg- 
ler and Gerald Warren. (R.M.N.). Even 
Jerry terHor popular and highly 
experienced old hand among the Wash- 
ington press corps, was unable to pass up 
his bite of the big apple when it was 
ollered by Ford. TerHorst at least pe 
sessed the moral stuffing to get the hell 
out the first time his job forced him to 
lie to his former colleagues (making way 
for Nessen, who was not, and still isn't, 
popular with the Washington press but 
is evidently a great deal more comfor 
ble in the role of the President's Паск). 
But if terHorst's resignation after just 
one month on the job astonished a 
Watergate-charged public, it did not 
really surprise the press corps. One cor- 
respondent remarked that “Jerry thought 
that the White House press office ought 
to tell the truth." 

But really, Jerry should have known 
better. After all, he had been Washington 
bureau chief for The Detroit News since 
1961. Everyone in Washington 
the White House press secretary is paid 
what he is as much to hide inform: 
as to hand it out. Indeed, the bottom 
line of the job is to obscure the truth 
when the Commander in Chicf so com- 
пае, to wathe in nontruths without 

ing any more deeply than a street- 
the act of unzipping a man’s 
d to protect, at all costs—whether to 
the country, the press corps, God and/or 
himself—the uncrowned king, the impe- 
President. L.B.]. actually told Moyers 
mudi when he became press secretary 
in 1965 at the tender nd 
Moyers, obedient young man that he was, 
dearly took the Preside advice to 
heart. Perhaps best remembered for his 
loyal collaboration during the first phase 
of the troop build-up in Vietnam, 
s also not to be forgotten. for 
g an assiduous and perhaps un- 
derstandable PR campaign to keep the 
Commander in Chief out of the public 


eye during that fatal 
tory phasc—by discontinui, 
barrassing televised press conference 
those awkward, bad-imitation- Truman. 
walks with newsmen. “The more they are 
иһ him,” Moyers conceded then 
t now looks a bit reminiscent of the 
strategy of the cover-up, “the more the 
press can become obsessed with the as- 
pects of his personality they don't find 
attractive." Of course! 

Moyers did ultimately quit, although he 
took a year and a half to make a decision 
that terHorst came to in four weeks. The 
time Japse may be explained as the dif- 
ference between working for L.B.J. (who 
possessed, alter all, the virtue of a dis- 
tinguished and sincere domestic program) 
and for Ford (who didn't, t), or 
between being a young Bill Moyers and 
older, wiser Jerry terHorst; but for 
all their difference, Moyers and terHorst, 
like Hagerty, Sa icgler and War- 

may very well have shared one 
clearly pertinent perception—and. this 
may really explain why the President 
most never has any trouble recruiting 
some dolt to take the odious job as chick 
official prevaricator to the press. 

The fact is, one of the best ways to 
succeed in America is to be a smooth-as- 
silk liar; and one of the best showcases 
(is it the best? 1 think so) for this unpar- 
donable talent is the job of White House 
press secretary, The experience inevitably 
leads to an ever d more lucrative 
assignment—v 
without a stumble d, without 
indictment, grand-jury presentment or 
even public opprobrium—because people 
expect the White House press secretary 
to have been less tha aithful servant 
of the people; and so when that bitter 
truth finally comes out, he is held perhaps 
least culpable, because he is perceived 
having lied merely to do his job. And 
forgiveness, like injustice, is swift: He is 
also compensated, awarded combat pay, 
for doing what everyone knows is very 
dirty work, indeed. 

Consider the “punishment” for the 
crime. 

When Herbert Hoover's press secretary 
соте Akerson took leave of the post, 


g those em 
па 


wh 


which then paid $10,000 annually, his 


movie publicity. (Thirty thousand doll: 
y ng the Depression, remember. 
bought a hell of a lot of apples) Steve 
Early, who laundered F.D.R.’s dirty linen 
in private before d public, 
left upon Truman’s inauguration for a fat 
job as vice-president of Pullman-Standard 
Car Manufacturing Company. James Hag- 
erty, perhaps the most powerful. White 


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House mouthpiece in history, spent eight 
eventful years with Eisenhower (remem- 
ber his denial of U-2 flights over Russia?) 
and then went to his reward: a top net- 
work job as vice-president in charge of 
ABC News. In 1961. laughing-joking 
р inger folded his act to run 
California Senatorial primary. He didn't 
have to run far. A few months later, his 
opponent. incumbent Clair Engle, died 
and California governor Pat Brown ap- 
pointed him to fill the vacancy. Salinger 
then lost to tap dancer George Murphy 
his bid for a full term, but former White 
House press secretaries never really lose. 
Salinger went on to become vice- 
president of an airline, a successful first 
novelist (like John Ehrlichman, and 
Spiro Agnew) and a roving correspond- 
ent for L'Express and ABC Sports. In 
1967, Moyers left lying for L.B.J. (at 
about $30,000 a year) to become the 
publisher of Newsday at a salary reported 
to be $100,000; there, he did an about- 
face and mounted an editorial campaign 
inst the war that he had been defend 
ing with such evident conviction. Today 
the former flack is at CBS Reports and is 
really raking it i 

Even Ron 
er Dean's testimony) and Gerald W 
floorwalkers to the most deceptive Presi- 
dent, are doing OK. Ziegler continued 
as a $42,500-a-year Nixon aide unul 
Nixon's transition grant ran out. He 
made ends meet on the lecture circuit 
for a few months and is now п ng 
director for international services at 
Syska & Hennessy, the engineering firm 
that designed the mechanical and elec- 
trical systems at UN Headquarters, 
Lincoln Center and Madison Square 
Garden. (One of his main responsibil- 
ities is the firm's projects in Teheran, 
where the shah is rebuilding the city.) 
And as for Warren, a n i: 
aging editor of The San Diego Union 
before going to the White Hou 


the 


^, he is 
now editor of the Union, several lines 
higher on the masthead than before he 
left, making at least double his White 
House check. 

And so what made Hagerty, Sali 


т, 
Moyers, Ziegler and Warren. run—and 
stand. on their heads, do loop-the-loops. 
roll over and heel, all at the bark of their 
President? Simply this: They knew, no 
matter how often or how grievously they 
Tied to us, that in America, it really pays 
to be а flack—especially the biggest Hack 
of them all. 

Isn't it odd to live in a society where 
a Ron Nessen will have a better shot at 
heading a network-news operation than, 
say, а Dan Rather? 


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Thomas Plate is collaborating with 
former New York City Police Commis- 
sioner Patrick Murphy on a book about 
police in America. 


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writers—in order to avoid plagiarism 
they often return manuscripts 
unopened. Also, many shows are мај] 


our 


ious ch; 
How does 


suits, 


written, But the situation is not hopeless. 
Aspiring writers should contact the Writ 
ers Guild of America, 8955 Beverly 
Boulevard, Los Angeles, California 90048. 
For a mere dollar, they will send you a 
television-market list with the names of 
this complete with the 
names of whom to contact to discuss your 
seripl. Since most producers prefer to 
deal with agents, you might also ask the 
Guild for its list of approved firms. So, if 
you think you've s McCloud 
hasn't even heard 0], give il а go, cowboy. 


season's. shows, 


zot mov 


М. sex journals h: 
the impression that cunnilingus is some 
thing xl women just come naturally 
to it, whatever the technique, Not so. My 
Ifriend doesn't seem to enjoy oral sex, 
no matter how hard or how soft 1 try. Do 
women have to learn to appreciate the 


e left me with 


so 


or is my girlfriend minus a few nerve 
endings?—5. L., Detroit, Michigan. 

Both men and women have to learn 
their sexual responses. It is possible 
that your partner will have 10 overcome 
her reservalions before she can enjoy 
herself completely. Other cultures have 
discovered that cunnilingus is not imme 
diately pleasurable, According to Iwan 
Bloch, in the society on Ponape (which is 
not, as you might think, a resort in the 
Catskills), "Impolent old men are em 
ployed to lick the clitoris. with their 
tongues av else irritate il by the sting of 
huge ants, so that gradually the organ of 
voluptuousness is made more susceptible 
AL coitus, too, the men, at the desire. of 
the 


women, must use not i 


only th 
tongue bul also their tecth to produce a 
local stimulation of the female genitals.” 
No doubt they use those army ants that 
will eat anything in their. path. H's nol 
our idea of a picnic, but, by all means, 
persevere. 


Coasting a car in neutral is unwise 
you noted in the August Playboy Advisor. 
However. 1 have heard that there is an 
exception to the rule. It may be safer to 
slip into neutral when trying to turn at 
а low speed on an icy or slippery road 
Supposedly, the reason is that badly 
tuned eng es can cause 
cars. with ission to idle 
as high as 35 mph. И a driver tries to 
stop on an icy surface, the steering whe 
brake. but the drive wheels keep turning. 
The car doesn't slow, so the driver brakes 


s or cold engi 


Homie. transi 


harder—at which point the front wheels 
lock. the car loses steerability and either 
continues straight ahead or follows an 
icy run. until the rear wheels bring it 
to а stop. Therefore, the only safe way to 
tum on ісе is то coast—shifting 10 neu- 
tral, so that all fou 1 be gently 


and evenly b D. K., Syosset 
New York. 
The National Safety Council agrees 


with your point. It conducted a test in 
which drivers had to make a sharp right 
turn at the end of a 12-foot lane (thus 
simulating а car entering a city street 
from a private driveway). With the cui 
in gear, none of the drivers was able to 
complete the turn 
ing required. immediately prior. lo or 
through the turn was sufficient to lock 
the front wheels of the vehicle. Mean 
hile, the fast idle speed of the engine 
was still turning. the rear wheels. Exit 
stage left. In contrast, the drivers who 
shifted lo neutral. while braking were 
able to safely negotiate the шт. You 
might want to practice this technique in 
an open parking 100—1 could save a 
fender bender or two. 


in all cases, the brak- 


st the surve 
exually ac 
am a junior in 
Mew to truth of 
eports. The girls are free to initi 
ate sex and seem to be on equal footing 
with men. 1 may be paranoid. but they 
also seem to be the ones who terminate 
over my own alfairs of 
rs, it seems to me 1| 
most all cases, my companions were 
es who broke up with те, What 
J.. Cambridge, Massachusetts. 
Maybe й was something you said. Don't 
worry. Your experience is common. A 
two-year study of dating relationships at 
Brandeis University revealed that coeds 
usually the to break the bad 
news, Women terminated affairs in 51 
percent of the couples studied, com pared 
with 42 percent of the men (in seven 
percent of the cases, the parties were in 
mutual disagreement). It seems that men 
are more romantic to begin with and are 
likely to feel depressed, lonely, un 
happy or guilty at the end of an affair. 
(So much for macho.) Women are 
erally more aware of problems in a 
relationship or set higher standards [or 
partners. The study put an end to the old 
hell-hath-no-[ury image of scorned wom 
anhood. Hf you break up with a girl, she 
won't be waiting in the rhododendron 
with a switchblade. In fact, the study 
revealed that when a man calls it. quits 
the couple tends to stay on friendly 


Fhe reat with int 
te coeds are as 
s male students. 1 


the 


are ones 


mare 


gen 


61 


PLAYBOY 


62 


terms. Moral: If you like а girl, get the 
affair over with quickly, so that you can 
really get to know each other. 


I: та 
dicting that 1976 was going to be the 
year of the century as far as French 
wines go. I'm somewhat skeptical. It 
seems that every year in recent memory 
has been proclaimed the greatest. How- 
ever. if there is any truth to the rumor, E 
would lil ke my money out of New 
York municipal bonds and pur it into 
some fine Bordeaux wine. What do you 
sayž— J. R.. Riverside, IHlinois. 

Not all of the rumors thut come along 
the grapevine are worth getting excited 
aboul, but this one has a measure of 
buth to it. Last summer's drought may 
have ruined most of the crops in Europe, 
but for our little friends on the vine, it 
was nirvana. As a rule, diy years are 
potentially great years—the grapes swell 
with sugar and the plants mature early- 
Since 1975 was an exceptional year, the 
world was looking forward to another 
1925-1929 phenomenon (the good old 
years, according lo most experts) as the 
winegrowers began to harvest the grapes. 
Unfortunately, France was hit by three 
days of rain before all the crops were iu. 
The result: Water is absorbed by the 
grapes, diluting the flavor. Vintners who 
harvested carly will have superb wines; 
those who didn't won't. You'll have lo 
take your pick of the pickers. The best 
bet: a bottle of the old bubbly. The 
champagne crap came in under the wire 
and growers ате comparing it to the 
classic Champagne years 1917 and 1959. 
Move [ast and you cau get in on the 


ground floor; move faster and you can 
get into the cellar, where the good stuff 
ts kept. 


friend plays the piano and si 
Y well. 1 would 
some of his perfor 
problem is that 1 can't seem to 
straight answer on what type of m 
phone to use. One person told me to use 
a directional mike for ls and an 
omnidirectional mike for the rds. 
Later. I was told that only directional 
mikes should be used. What type should 
I uscz—Miss F. D., Houston, Texas. 

Microphones are to tape vecorders what 
lenses ave to cameras: There ave specific 
mikes for specific effects, us well as all- 
round tools for the amatew Nixon. The 
standard microphone recommended Jor 
home recording is the low-impedance dy- 
namic microphone with a cardioid pat- 
tern. The mike picks up sound mainly in 
front, but it also grabs some sound {тот 
the sides and rear, thus adding a natural 
sense of room ambience to the recorded 
sound. Prices for decent mikes of this type 
start around 850. 


voca 


‘friend and I enjoy a wide va 
E sexual high-jinks, including anal 
For the past few years, we've been 
ching for the perfect lubric 
ate our slipping and sliding. Wes- 
n oil, Vaseline and КҮ jelly aren't 
quite right—we end up feeling like we've 
just had a 10.000mile oil change. Can 
you recomni FB. N, Or 
Jando, Florida. 

Tired of that greasy kid's stuff? It just 
happens that one of our close [riends—a 
lady college professor who shall remain 
nameless until tenure—has. discovered 
what may be the greatest aid lo getting il 
on since the Self-heating Shaving Cream 
Sandwich. The magic balm is called 
Abolene Cream and is available nt. cos 
metic counters everywhere. One of our 
local folk singers has even written a son 
commemorating the product (“Abolene, 
Abolene, prettiest stuff Гое ever seen} 
Women, they won't treat you mean in 
Abolenc"). It is not the policy of this 
column to endorse specific brands, but 
for Abolene we'll make an exception. Of 
course, if the manufacturer wants lo send 
us a case, it will be appreciated by all 
concerned, 


d a herpes type- 
two infection. The doctors Гуе visited 
just shrug their shoulders and give me 


antibiotics to prevent infections when 
the 


blisters that (огт oi 
€ heard 
з you fill me 
New Jersey. 

Research is just beginning on herpes; 
so far, there is no sure-fire cure. The 
wecine approach has not been considered 
successful. The virus that causes herpetic 
infections resides in ganglia al the base 
of the spine, safely out of reach о] any 
antibodies that would be produced by a 
vaccine. (Antibodies travel through the 
blood stream, herpes via the nerve cells— 
the two systems are separate.) One of the 
problems in isolating a cure seems to be 
that everything works a little—one ve- 
searcher estimated that if 100 herpes 
victims were given a sugar-pill placebo, 
аз many as 50 would report relief from 
the symptoms, Possibly the worst thing 
you сап do is worry about il: Anxiety 
and other farms of stress are thonght to 
cause outbreaks of the blisters. Grin and 
bear it; the symptoms lend to disappear 
after one or two years. 


Ore of my 


Irom the cle: 
for Let's Make a Deal. The label on the 
coat had claimed that the material was 
washable, but on the general principle 
that “Everything is better dry cleaned, 
I had sent it out to my local plant. The 
suit is ruined: The owner of the cleaner 
apologized and explained that not all 
materials ean. be dry-cleaned. The outfit 
was improperly labeled, and if I had any 


my genitals 
vaccine for 
к, 


complaints, І should tike the suit to the 
store where T had bou How can Т 
prevent а recürrence. of this disaster? 
W. B., Greenwich, Connecticut 

Now you know the ovigin of the phrase 
being taken to the cleaners. Your plight 
is familiar; the most frequent vicinis 
are the dry cleaners who have to foot the 
bill, Certain materials simply cannot be 
cleaned by wishing—wel or dry. The 
Neighborhood Dry Cleaners Association 
has а museum filled with items that have 
defied the laws of laundry. The cleaners 
feel that improper labeling is the villain 
that it is the manufacturers’ vesponstbilily 
to include accurate. cleaning instructions 
(the Federal Trade Commission is сит 
rently pushing for тоге explicit labels). 
To avoid a recurrence of this hassle, know 
your (heads. Then, find a reputabl: 
cleaner. (Go to the best, most ex pensio: 
men's stoves in town and ask where they 
their work.) Responsible cleaners 
w their limitations. 


kn 


Waite c 


friend. and 


inking at our favorite ba 
I waded sto 


the bell-bottoms worn by s 

id an unusual [catu 
of a centered Пу, the front of the p 
had a flap that was secured by а row ol 
buttons on each side. He proceeded 
tell the story of a sailor's visit to a whore 
house ilor un- 
buttoned the row of buttons on the left 
s. pulled out his organ 
wench, tucked himself in 
and buttoned up. Then he unfastened the 
buttons on the right side of the pants 
and announced, “Now for the other 
one.” Amusing, but we were left wonder 
i there ever been a ca 


man 


born w 
California, 

Believe it or nol. yes. According to an 
article in Medical Aspects of Human 
Sexuality, approximately one ош of every 
5,500,000 males is born with an extra 
penis. Some 80 cases have been reported 
in the past fowr centuries; for various 
few have reached adulthood: 
(The joke about the sailor may be more 
than shipboard bravado.) In most cases 
both penises were capable of erection. A 
suey of medical literature: uncovered 
one 50-year-old. patient who confessed lo 
making it from both sides of the plate: 
No doubt the double-jointed fellow kept 
his spare tucked in the trunk. 


reasons, 


All reasonable questions—from fashion, 
food and drink, stereo and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiqueite— 
will be personally answered if the writer 
cludes a stamped, self-addressed en 
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Hlinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages cach month. 


ad 


} 


zm Y 1 A 
your faste gro 
— up, so should your 
=. cigarette. 
Ле е 
eps want from a cem changes. 
Опе I sntoked just to be like everybody else. 
‘Know what smoking's all about. I smoke 


e And Winston's real taste is what. 
oe Winston is for real. 


+ 


7 ee + i 
— — iw frs DEES 4 ii 
Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 8 m QATAR, v le 


That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous toYour Health. _[ ЖЕТ ıi, matar’, L3 mg. nicotine ar. per cigarette ВИ 
и [x te, FIC Report APR. 76. 


T 
That nice fall nip in the air 
is Gilbeys and Holland House. 


When the frost is on the pumpkin and 
theleavesareontheground—thatsthetime — | 
to have Gilbey’ in the House. Dry Gilbey’s 
Gin or Gilbeys Vodka. In one of the many |—1 
E Holland Honse Cocktail E К = 
uid or powder. (Have you tried our DIT 
Bloody Mary orWallbanger?) Holland 7 SES А 
House is very fussy about what it 
puts into its mixes. You be fussy, 
too—putin Gi 


w lon эуен бре з Produtts Co., N.Y; C. 
"T ms s 


SAMPLE OFFER. Send one dollor for 8 different Holland House non alcoholic powdered cocktail mixes: 16 servings 
Helland House, Box $65, Dept. 25, Ridgefield, N.J. 07457 Void where prohibited by low. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


a continuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers 


NO-NO, VIRGINIA 

A letter in the August Playboy Forum 
describes Vir ical sex laws, 
which were unsuccessfully challenged in 
the Supreme Court. Now comes Judge 
Paul D. Brown of Arlington, Virgin 
who jailed а woman three months preg 
nant because she lives with her fiancé. 
inst the law to live with somebody 
nd and wife when you are not 
married to him. Its а no-no,” the judge 
said, She w ed for three hours until 
she found another place to live. This is 
the second time this year this particular 
judge has jailed somebody lor living with 
someone out of wedlock. 

Yes, Virginia, there is a Judge Paul 
D. Brown. He and the likes of him are 
alive, and as long as they can, they will 
continue to make sad the hearts of lovers. 

Е. M. Genty 
Colorado Springs, Colorado 


SELF-DEFENSE FOR RAPE VICTIMS 
I am stunned by the letters in the Мау 
and September Playboy Forums advoc 
ing that women carry pistols and try to 
kill would-be rapists. What kind of jerk 
shits are these people, anyway, advising 
women to kill rather than be raped? Not 
that I think women should submit to 
гаре; hell. no. But death docs no one 
honor. The human life, in whatever 
form, is more valuable than anything. 
Everything you do eventually comes 
back to you. Rapists and would-be killers 
of rapists, take note. 
Mich у 
Sacramento, Californ 
How about if we just let those two 
groups gel together and work things out 
for themselves? 


CONSENTING POLITICIANS 
I'm certainly not in favor of the misuse 
of public funds, and I deplore the Goth- 
like looting of all of us by the few in 
Government, but Т think, as pointed out 
in your September editorial, Congression- 
al Nooky, by James R. Petersen, there's 
something excessive in the 
gainst legislators who have in 
their mistresses on the public payroll. As 
Nicholas Von Hoffman rema 
Washington Post, “IE every accus 
and allegation about this use of public 
money is truc, the total sum involved 
wouldn't buy one wheel of a B-I bomber. 
It wouldn't buy a wing tip." 
ing public money is bad, not just 
but for any reason. But sex itself 
is not bad. As Von. Hoffman also writes, 
Juless you want to turn the Senate into 


the House of 100 vi 
that our elected. officials should be our 
moral exemplars. There could be no 
more bizarre test of public office than 
sexual purity. Can you imagine this great 
and free republic of fornicators and 
adulterers presided over by a small corps 
of blucnosed magistrates whose ошу dis- 
tinction is that they know no bed nor 
mate but their own?” 

1 imagine lusty gents like Washington, 
Franklin and Jefferson would turn over 
in their graves at the very thought. 

(Name withheld by request) 
Washington, D.C 


“There could be no 
more bizarre test of 
public office than 
sexual purity.” 


THE GOLDEN TWENTIES 

Sex in the era of silent movies and 
fabulous flappers was not limited to kiss 
ing, regardless of the impression F. Scott 
Fivgerald’s stories may give. Over 50 
years ago, when I was in my carly 90s 
and the century was, 100, 1 was watch- 
ing The Sheik when Т realized that the 
young girl at my side was about to have 
an orgasm. She had been touching herself 
under her coat while watching Valentino. 
After a while, I put my hand on her leg 


al 


id she put her hand between my legs 
and one thing led to another. 

Then we went to her home and had 
intercourse. 1 dated her a lot after that 
She had a beautiful build and was an 
awesome sight on the beach. In the office, 
however, she was a prim and proper 
executive secretary, complete with large 
glasses thar she didn’t need. Up until that 
time, I had thought the proper approach 
to women was to respect their chastity. 
She taught me better. 

The last time she and I had breakfast 
together, alter a four-hour session, she 
made eggs over easy and baked oysters; 
also, Italian coffee with whipped cream 
How about that? 

(Name withheld by request) 
asota, Florida 


STICKY WICKET 
My girlfriend and I decided to try using 
honcy in oral sex, but a few unforeseen 
problems came up: We couldn't heat the 
stuff, being in a dorm; and I have a beard. 
The result, though tasty, was quite messy. 
1 would suggest. that anyone who wants to 
wy this should do it on a surface that is 
easy to clean and that the male partner be 
clean-shaven. We were sticky for hours; 
that stuff gets everywhere 
(Name withheld by request) 
New Brunswick, New Jersey 


THE NIXON LEGACY 

Your September editorial tided The 
Nixon Legacy: Part 111, "Screw" Screwed 
in Wichita hits a new low in your dia 
tribes against people who you know are 
in no position to fight back, You say the 
evil Nixon did lives on after him. I defy 
you to prove that. Nixon ever had апу- 
thing to do with the banning of Screw 
or that he was instrumental in hav 
sent to Kansas. 

It is this kind of editorializing that 
hurts these who report the news in credi- 
ble and fair fashion, Screw was filth and 
you know it and the United States Postal 
Service is to be congratulated for har- 
pooning it. 
rald B. Healey, Midwest Ed 

Editor & Publisher 
Chicago, Illinois 

The sentence is, “The evil he did 
truly lives on after him—in the Supreme 
Court, in the Department of Justice, even 
in the Post Office." See Al Goldstein's 
guest editorial on page 72. 


or 


what 
time of 


The Screw 
people wa 


case proves 
ned of at the 


ny 
the 


65 


PLAYBOY 


66 


Supreme Courts Miller decision. The 
ndards test for obscenity 
It 


rest of us. 


PLAYBOY S somewhat tepid denun 


tion of the Supreme Court in Censor- 


Legacy, Part П, August) 
Back in 1968, stunned by the ass: 
tion of Robert Kennedy and incensed by 
the weatment of Eugene McCarthy. we 
bleeding hearts sat out the election, 

rowing full well that we were allowing 


on to be elected. PLAYBOY did its 
1 to encourage this attitude. You 
should not now complain. Throngh you 


nd others like you, Nixon given 
te blanche to ride roughshod over our 
civil liberties through his appointed swi 
Pete Torge 
Hollywood, Californi: 
We didn't sit out that election, edito- 
rially or otherwise. Confine the breast 
beating to your own. 


I totally agree with Censorship: The 
Sound of Silence. Wt is clear that many of 
our freedoms аге being eroded, and the 
only recourse we have is to vote 
and again against the scoundrels who are 
the cause of it, so that all their appoint- 
ces will be cleared out of office as well. 

Jerry Pope 
Huntington, West Virginia 


HELP FOR HARRY 

What can we as individuals do to lı 
Harry Reems with his obscenity ü 
Reems has had a key role in making 
porn films erotically stimulating to wom- 
cn—at long last. Although I didn't sce 
Deep Throat, 1 did sce Wet Rainbow and 
Sometime Sweet Susan, and these films 
completely changed my mind about X 
raters. Until then, I had considered them. 
to be boring, trashy and absolute turn- 
offs for women. Reems, however, brings 
to adult films an aura of dignity and mas- 
culine beauty that makes the finished 
product an erotic work of art. Is there 
address to which loyal Harry Reems fans 
п write to let him know we are on 
side? 


С. Moore 
New York, New York 
The address of the Harry Reems Legal 
Defense Fund is Suite 1030, 120 East 56th 
Street, New York, New York 10022. 


I have to laugh whenever I read about 
our notorious Memphis porno trials 
are the biggest railroading 
ince the Union Pacific was put 
ians and 
would go about their 
ing to run everyone 
else's, Memphis might be a decent city. 
I was fortunate enough to see Deep 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


what's happening in the sexual and social arenas 


WINTER LOVE 

HAMBURG, WEST GERMANY—Males are 
sexually most active in the late fall and 
nter, according to a Belgian hormone 
expert. Professor Alex Vermuelen. ex- 
plained lo an international endocrinol- 
ogy congress that if а young man’s fancy 
lightly turns to thoughts of love in the 
spring, as Tennyson claimed, it is a 


matter of psychology and not of hor- 
mones-or sexual strength, which increase. 
during the colder months. 


THE PRICE OF RAPE 

WESTMINSTER, MARYLAND—A_ 29-ycar- 
old woman has filed a $1,000,000 dam- 
age suil against a man who pleaded 
guilty of assaulting her with intent to 
rape. Eight other charges were dropped 
when the defendant accepted a six-year 
sentence. The suit alleges that the as- 
sault caused her to suffer “serious and 
permanent injury to her nerves and 
nervous system,” as well as humiliation, 
degradation and fear. 


CRIME MARCHES ON 

WASHINGTON, b.C—/m independent 
study of the Government's multibillion- 
dollar crime-fighting program concludes 
that it has accomplished little and that 
the Law Enforcement Assistance Admin- 
istration, which directs the program, 
should be abolished. The Genter for 
Security Studies found that the more 
than four billion. dollars dispensed by 
the LEAA since 1968 has produced few 
worthwhile results. Some local police 
departments used the Federal funds to 
create glamorous but largely useless 
Special Weapons and Tactics (SWAT) 
teams. Nevertheless, the House of Rep- 
resentatives has voted 324 to 8 to con- 
tinue the LEAA for another year at a 
cost of 1.1 billion dollars. 


po 


TRIP FOR A TRIP 

cmcaco—A — M-yearold governess 
employed by a suburban Chicago family 
has been charged with paying for her 
cab sides with marijuana. According to 
police, she тап household errands by 
laxi, paid drivers with bags of pot and 
gave them joints as tips. 


POT OFFENDER'S RIGHTS 

AUSTIN, TEXAS—The Texas Court of 
Criminal Appeals has struck down а 
condition of probation imposed by a 
trial judge оп a marijuana defendant. 
The judge had ordered the defendant 
to submit “his person, place of residence 
and vehicle to search and seizure at any 
lime of the day or night, with or without 
a search warrant, whenever requested 10 
do so by the probation officer or any 
law-enforcement officer.” The court de- 
cided that while trial judges have wide 
discretion in setting terms of probation, 
an individual cannot be forced to sur- 
vender all his Fourth Amendment rights, 


HIP ANGEL 

WASHINGTON, D.C—A stranger walked 
into the offices of the National Organ- 
ization for the Reform of Marijuana 
Laws ostensibly asking for information 
and left behind a briefcase containing 
a donation of $10,000 in cash. Keith 
Stroup, NORML’s national director, 
said the briefcase included a note at- 
tributing the donation to ап anony- 
mous confederation of independent pot 
dealers. 


MALPRACTICE SUIT 

cmcaco—A Chicago atiorney has 
been ordered to pay a former client 
$80,000 damages in a suit charging that 
he mishandled a divorce case. Testimony 
indicated that the law failed to ap- 
pear in court on his client's behalf, with 
the result that the client's wife gained 
possession of а house, furniture and 40 
acres of land. 


FETICIDE 

Los AwGELES— The. California Court 
of Appeals has ruled that the legal 
reasoning by which an carly abortion is 
deemed lawful also leads 10 the conclu- 
sion that а person who destroys an 
early felus cannot be tried for murder. 
The decision upheld the homicide ac 
quittal of а man who had beaten his 
wife, causing her to lose a fetus that 
was less than 15 weeks old. The court 
ruled. that viability—ihe likelihood of 
survival after birth—determines whether 


or not a fetus has legally acquired the 
status of a human being. 


FINDING FAULT WITH NO-FAULT 

WASHINGTON, D.C.—4A Federal study 
group finds that the no-fault divorce 
laws enacted by several states work to 
the disadvantage of women and children. 
While praising the concept of no-fault 
divorce, the National Commission on the 
Observance of International. Women's 
Year reporis that most states with such 
laws don't recognize the economic con- 
tribution of the wife who has kept house 
and reared children during the marriage 
and who, as a result, has developed no 
independent earning potential 


TEENAGE MOTHERHOOD 

Although world population growth 
has slightly declined since 1965, teenage 
pregnancies ате increasing. William 
Bury Hunt, [r., writing in Population 
Reports, attributes the increase to the 
earlier menstruation of adolescents and 
10 their moving to urban areas, where 
they have greater sexual freedom. Fifteen 
percent of the world’s 15,000,000 female 


teenagers are mothers. 


NEW CONTRACEPTIVE? 

NEW реши team of zoologists from 
India's Rajasthan University is inves 
ligating the eating of carrot seeds as а 
contraceptive. Women in some rural 
areas of the state of Rajasthan have 
been using the seeds for generations 


and, in experiments with mice, the 
scientists have found that an extract of 
the seeds taken for several days follow- 
ing intercourse appears to prevent preg- 
nancy by inhibiting implantation of 
the fertilized egg in the uterus. 


MADNESS OF THE MONTH 

COLUMBUS, оню—81аќе Senator Paul 
Gillmor has charged that the Ohio 
Division of Wildlife used as many as 
five agents, including two undercover 
men, to investigate and prosecute an 
11-year-old boy for selling fishing worms 
and crayfish in his parents’ front yard. 
The youngsters stand sold $1.50 worth 
of buit in two weeks. Two of his 


customers were undercover 
Gillmor said that throughout the inves 
tigation, no one in the slate agency 
“performed the simple act of making a 
courteous phone call to the parents of 


the boy to tell them that the Division 
of Wildlife regulations require a per- 
mit to sell bail, even by a little kid in 
his own front yard.” The case was dis- 
missed in court. 


PARENTS OFF THE HOOK 

TRENTON, NEW JERSEY—A city law 
holding parents responsible for their 
children's criminal actions has been 
ruled unconstitutional by the Appelate 
Division of the New Jersey Superior 
Court. The law provided for fines of up 
to 5500 for parents whose children had 
more than one conviction per year, but 
the court held that parental influence 
is but “a single factor” among the causes 
of juvenile misconduct and that most 
parents do not have enough control 
over children to regulate their actions. 


DOCTOR'S ORDERS 

CROWN POINT, INDIANA—Lake County 
authorities ave looking for the prankster 
who has been telephoning housewive 
identifying himself as a doctor and ре 
suading them to cut off large swatches 
of hair to be tested for a “very con- 
tagious” parasite. At least seven women 
complied. They called police when по 
lab technician came to collect the 
samples. 


POPULATION PRESSURES 

MANILA—The wernment of the 
Philippines has passed a law requiring 
thal couples receive instructions in “fam- 
ily planning” and “responsible parent- 
hood" before they obtain a marriage 
license. Courses will be available 
through government agencies and vari- 
ous private, civic and church organiza- 
tions; and officials who issue. marriage 
licenses without being shown certificates 
of completion in the required courses 
will be subject to criminal penalties. 


Throat and The Devil in Miss Jones and 
enjoyed both of them. Fm a norm 
ing wile who happens to 
nographic movies. Now, be 
overbearing do-gooder has put 
into my business, I can't see th 
Memphis is known all over the country 
as one of the most backward cities in the 
U.S. The reputation is de sk 
someone who lives here. 
Judy Stone 
Memphis, Tennesse 


his nose 


OBSCENOMETER NEEDED 
\ writer in Science Fiction Review, a 
for sci-fi bulls. suggests thi 
censorship law will become rational only 
when science invents an obsccnomet 
duy 


piece of artwork 
we have relied on a 
combat of lawyers that assumes God 
on the side of the winning party. Th; 
considered. obscene if the 
t legal case the defendant can afford. 
10 file goes against him. 
Since no nervous s 
jury's, is 
scient 
opinions. Isn't it 


tem, judge's or 


ferent 
tragic mistake to send 
s of opinion? 
1. Black 

Portland, Oregon 
is an apocryphal story that when 
Justice Felix Frankfurter was on the U. S. 
Supreme Court, the test of obscenity was 
“whether it gives Felix a hard-on." Jus- 
tice Frankfurter would thus have been 
ind of national obscenometer. In 
these days of community standards, how- 
ever, obscenometers must be located at 
the grass roots, as the following letter 
indicates. 


a 


I was somewhat aghast to read that a 
New York City judge has ruled tha 
policemen can arrest performers for ob- 
scenity without first obtaining a warrant. 
This is certainly insane when nobody 
can say what a court will rule obscene, or 
even if an appeals court will agree with 
the first court. 

The performers in the case that 
prompted the judge's ruling were four 
nude dancers. What they did was a crime 
without victims in the first place, was not 
а crime at all in the opinion of the most 
avant portion of the legal profession and 
of most young people and cannot objec- 
tively be defined in advance so that the 
performer will know for sure whether he 
or she is in danger of arrest. At the very 
least, before inflicting the hoi ol аг. 
rest in such a case, there should be a 
jud ng on whether or not the 
act appears prima facie obscene t0 a 
ned judge. 

But, no, the judge in thi 
ruled, “This court must assi 
police olficer possesses norm: 
ties and prud 


case has 
е that the 
sensi 


псе, which he can exercise g7 


PLAYBOY 


68 


Great Gift-with the hot button 
that makes dynamite sound 


We 


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out Motorola's stereo cassettes and 
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If they don't have everything, they 
come close enough to make Christmas very, very merry. 

Each of the stereo cassettes comes in a complete enter- 
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POW-R-BOOST *. Hit this hot button and it boosts the 
sound level as it enhances the highs to make dynamite 
sound a blast and a hall. 

You get fast forward with mute and cuing, slide bar 
switching for AM-FM, cartridge activated tape/radio switch. 

POW-R-BOOST * is also available in a mini car tape 
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ASH TRAY 


POW-R:BOOST...only in car stereos 
and cassette players from Motorola 


eject, and an under dash stereo-FM combination. And all 
the models have Fast Forward 

Hear the ones with the hot button that make dynamite 
sound a blast and a half а! your nearest Motorola Dealer. 


Limited One Year Warranty 


Motorola Inc. warrants that it will repair product detects during the 
first year following your purchase . . . you merely have to take your 
record of purchase and your Motorola car stereo to one of our 
authorized warranty stations. 

There are thousands of Motorola authorized warranty stations 
covering all 50 states to help keep your Motorola sound on wheels 
sounding just right 

Complete warranty details are packed with each unit. Ask your 
Motorola dealer to show them to you and read them carefully 


Model TC876AX in dash AM/FM 
Stereo Radio with Stereo Cassette 


in coming to the reasonable belief that 
an obscene act is occurring in his pres- 
ence." In other words, the cop should be 
able to predict what, in fact, nobody can 
predict: whether a theologically oriented 
trial will result in a jury's deciding the 
act in question is really obscene and not 
just crotic or artistic. 

(Name withheld by request) 

Brooklyn, New York 


SIN CITY FOLLIES 

A lener in the July Playboy Forum 
describes а woman in Sheboygan b 
found guilty of lewd and lascivious con- 
duct and asks, “What will it tke to bring 
this city into the 20th Centar I agree 
with the sentiment and am wonderin 
1 am the woman referred to in the letter. 
If not, you have another case. 

I just moved here from California. I 
never realized that here it was illegal for 
unmarried people to live together 

From what I heard from some detec 
tives, D.A. Lance Jones didn't like vour 
publishing that letter. A couple of them 
asked me il 1 knew anything about it 

1 know l'm being watched, but all I 
can say is, let them cat their hearts out, 
they ain't gettin’ nonc. 

(Name withheld by request) 
Sheboygan, Wisconsin 

Different woman. It's good to see that 
the D.A. is giving Sheboygan taxpayers 
their money's worth, 


THE DEITY, MASCULINE OR FEMININE? 

It is sad to see the lack of understand- 
ing displayed by the anonymous letter 
writer from Phoenix who doesn't sec any 
reason God should not be referred to in 
the Apostles’ Greed as She or Bt (The 
Playboy Forum, August). The Apostles’ 
Creed is a Christian statement. of belief 
nd Christian belief is based on the 
Bible. The Bible clearly states that God 
is male. For example, in Genesis: “So 
God created man in His own image, in 
the image of God created He him. 

Even some non-Christians recognize 
that God is male. The Taoist / Ching, 
for instance, represents the Creative with 
a hexagram consisting entirely of mascu 
line, unbroken lines. 

Manuel Martinez 
Colorado Springs. Colorado 


Every time you read the English word 
God in the Bible, you ave reading about 
a collective frequently called the Elohim. 
a plural form for an 
and lemales. The principal male charac 
ter is El, whose Sumerian form meant 
Mighty Penis, about as male as you сап 
get. The principal female, Eloah, speaks 
as the Supreme Being in Job 11:3-5, and 
the female Shekinah is included in this 
collective. They all engaged in sexual 
intercourse, aud had sons апа daughters 
who frequently popped in and out of bed 
with one another. 

Jeannette P. Mas: 
Honolulu, Hawaii 


Ph.D. 


Certainly, the Deity is a woman, and 
she is Eris, goddess of discord, who 
started the Trojan War with her golden 
apple. Look at all the disorder we find 
in the universe. Somebody must have put 
it there. 


James Green 
Los Angeles, California 


HOLTVILLE HORRORS 
Alter reading the August letter from 
Norm Pliscou on his daughter's struggle 
to publish a school newspaper in Holt- 
ville, I feel compelled to add my observ 
tions. | was stationed in the Imperial 
Valley from October 1972 to January 


1976, with the Navy, at the 
Parachute Test Range. In my capacity as 

reporter for the base newspaper, I 
picked up on much of the inside skinny 
in this affair. 

I heard only negative things about 
Norm before I actually met him. I found 
him a lucid and articulate iconoclast. 1 
greatly admire his courage. But why he 
Holtville cludes me. 

Norm's home was more than once the 
target of rock throwing: this showed up 
on police blotters but never in the local 
newspaper—probably due to the fact that 
both the Holtville Tribune and the Im- 
pevial Valley Press are run by the most 


Th 


The drink: 


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very adult milkshake’ mix 
one ounce of Kahlua to 
four ounces of milk cver ice 


To get our Kahlüa recipe book, just ask and you 
Shall receive. Because you deserve something nii 


4 
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COFFEE ПОЧ | 
PRODUCT or МЕ 


— 


Kahlóa, Coffee Liqueur from Sunny Mexico 53 Proof 


Majdstone Wine & Spits Inc. 116 N Robertson, Los Angeles, CA 90048. 


Timberline. Because ho wants 
to smell] like the city! 


Timberline* toiletries for men. After Shave, Cologne and gift sets. 


conservative old geeks this side of St. 
Petersburg. 
The fact that the local taxpayers let 
the school board persecute litle Lisa 
Pliscou at public expense should tell you 
something about the citizenry. The same 
school board was terribly surprised, in 
the spring of 1974, when the class vale- 
diciorian wore into it in his gradua- 
tion speech for ineptness and waste ol 
funds. And he wasn't a member of the 
Pliscou family, either. But I'm certa 
they'll find а way to get to him. Unless he 
lea Which 1 hope Norm does, for his 
own sake as well as that of his famil 
Terrence P 

Seattle, Washington 


A.K.A. PORPOISE 
In the August Playboy Forum, John B. 


Davenport expresses his alarm at the 


h mahi- 


eat the popula 
mahi, which, he sa 

Mahimahi is Е 
‘The confusion arises because the word 
dolphin is used to refer both to mari 


s dolph 
fish, not a mamn 


so knowi 


as porpoises 


Frank D. Eddy, M.D. 
North A 


Correctio 
leuter, I castigated the sale 


with apologies. In my last 
dolphin for 
human consumption under the 
listing mahimahi. ce then, I've re- 
ceived a longdistance phone call from a 
very pleasant gentleman in California, 
who informed me that mahimahi is a ma- 
rine fish. 1 was misled because both the 
mammal and the fish are called dolphins. 
1 owe an apology to many fine темаш 
teurs. At the same time, as my informant 
greed, we still face the problem of en- 
g the survival of the cetaceans, in 
cluding the delightful porpoise. 
John B. Davenport 
Chicago, Illinois 
Having neatly resolved the great mahi- 
mahi controversy, we turn now to the 
spawning of salnon and hope that this 
will take cave of you fish fans for a while. 


menu 


su 


DEATH AND SEX 


ntisex book, WARNING: Sex May Ве 
Hazardous to Your Health. co 
statements about salme out and shad 
dying after spawning. As a professional 
fisheries biologist, 1 must. point out. that 
the Pacific salmon is the only salmonid 
that is biologically programed to die 
ag. Neither in the Adan 
nor in any 
species of shad, is death after spawn 
necessary characteristic of life history. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Portland, Oregon 


wn 


ut nor in 


ny 
nga 


TWISTED SEX 
I've heard of people, both men and 
women, who perform « 
themselves, but my wife and I can go 
them one beuer. My wife can get into the 
same position, but she isn't interested. in 
performing cunnilingus on herself. She 
has me for that. What she does is f: 
tastic, She can lick my penis and test 


les 
while we screw. When I come, she does, 


use three quarters of my penis 
is in her vagina. 

Compared with that, people cating 
themselves is nothing more than auto- 


MRS. CLEAN 

Our local newspaper, The Columbian, 
recently ran icles on V. 
couver's gay commu 
cluded interviews with several. members 


" Penises and vaginas are 
for creating children only. 
Not perverted pleasures.” 


of the community and w 
ing and informative. My husband and I 
wrote a letter to The Columbian com- 
mending the series, Shortly after ou 
letter was published, we received an 
anonymous reply, which I would like to 
quote, in part: 


How would you react if an ac 
quaintance kissed you, or a member 
of your f and your table, 
your utensils and then you 
ned the person was а homosex- 
Make you want to scour youn 
mouth with Mr. Clean 
the dishes? Human mouths 
speech and eating food, the same as 
human penises and vaginas are for 
creating children. only. Not pa 
verted pleasures. 

Wi our childre 
1 the first four years of mar- 
nd and 1] agreed 
that we didn't want any more kid: 
so there was no need for filthy sex 
1 feel happy I only had to be be- 
fouled four times to create our chil- 
dren. It is much more rewarding to 
get on your knees and do a paste- 
wax job on your kitchen and bath- 
room floor than to get tangled up in 
bed with smelly, filthy semen, Ugh! 


My kids were instilled with our 


ideas and are doing quite well with 
their lives, One son got tangled with 

wile whose mind was deeply 
rooted in the gutter. She didn't want 
kids, just filthy relations, Imagine 
how awful for a man to have a nude 
woman open the door when he 


comes home from ten hours h: 
work, wanting to drag him to bed. 
He left her after three and a half 
months. 

There aren't many decent young 
people left 
to look for the many ways there are 
to enjoy life—clcan. 


It amazes me that people like th 
woman still exist. And what a traumatic 
experience for her poor son to be met 
at the door by his nude wife! 

Nanci Crepeau 
Vancouver, Washington 

We wouldn't have believed that letter 

existed if you hadn't enclosed a copy. 


GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER 

A letter in the July Playboy Forum, 
written in the form of a fairy tale by 
someone who apparently considers him 
self a master of sarcism, claims that the 
shooting of the Kent State students wa 
justified by the violent behavior of the 
Students, who were supposedly incited by 
outside agitators. I've read nothing in 
any account of the Kent State shootings 
to show that the Guardsmen really needed 
to use deadly force. For my money, the 
only outside agitators at Kent State were 
the Guardsmen themselves. 

The problem the U.S. isn't myth 
ical armies of student protesters and 
youthful guerrillas, its the well-armed 
defenders of the peace employ 
CIA, the FBI, the DEA, the e troop: 
the border patrol, the local police and the 
private armies of security guards, all of 
whom have a license to kill and know it. 


SEX WITHOUT FEAR 

Last summer, а friend from the West 
Coast visited this city. After a few hours 
of conversation in his hotel room, we 
began to kiss and touch to the point 
where lovemaking seemed imminer 
then 1 remembered contraception; I'd 
just stopped taking the pill and f 
pregnancy made me really uptight. 1 con- 
sidered asking him to go out 
condoms, bur I felt that the excitement 
of the moment could not be recaptured. 

What a ise when he told 
me that he'd recently had а vasectomy 
and added, "We don’t have a thing 10 
worry abou was lifted from 


A burde! 
my shoulders and our lovemaking had a 
sense of freedom unlike anything Га ever 
felt before. 

Several women friends have reported 
similar experiences. When the fear of 
pregnancy is obliterated by vasectomy or 
by its female counterpart, the so-called 
Band-Aid sterilization, sex takes on a new 
potential for enjoyment and intensity 
One friend had her asm after ster- 
ilization and enthusiastically tries to per- 
suade her friends of both sexes to choose, 
when it is a reasonable alternative, 


75 


72 


THE PURITAN PRESS 


opinion By AL GOLDSTEIN 


-ssion is getting a royal fucking in the 


Freedom of exi 
courts of the nation, but you'd never know 
the рар 


it from reading 


As editor her of Screw, 1 was convicted last 
aly in Wich on I? counts of conspi 10 usc 
the mails to distribute obscene. material: ie, Ser The 


indictment was public knowledge for over a year. The tr 
lasted four weeks. Although there were a few stories in the 
local papers and several items in PLaynoy, there was almost 
no coverage of the event by the national press, even though 
the issues raised were crucial to journalistic freedom and as 
obvious as a pubic hair sticking out of a D.AJs nose. The 
travesty of just nnapment, the nar 
row commun on of obscenity and the 
contestable use of Federal conspiracy laws. I was forced to 
ad wal in New York. 
where Serew is published Government 
was interfering with and seeking to cu distribution 
of a politically (albeit sexually) oriented publication. The 
wial presented an awesome threat to the basic right of free 
expresion: and yet the powers id n the pres 
were strangely apathetic. Perhaps they thought it couldn't 
happen to th 

The medi 


be 


n. 
in America have found it politically expedient 
to be proper and old-fashioned, to repr sively the 
two-party line. Tt is easy to defend the right to publish 
of the Reader's Digest or The New York Times. But a frec- 
dom is significant only when it is practiced by those most 
despised, those outside the establishment. To state calmly 
that a college newspaper or an under 1 tabloi 
fit 10 be protected by the First Amendment is to defeat the 
very purpose of constitutional rights. But looking at the 
history of repression in rhis country, it is clear that freedom 
is not an allembracing concept: It is selective. The courts 
have a prevailing disdain lor antiestablishment, 
ted, freedom-loving publications. 
п behavior: it pres 


оц 


Sere 
that is fundamental 
explicit reporting m 
petiz 
psychological or anatomical y 
time, tighvassed prosecutor can, at his whim, label 
ne obscene, it is not subject to the irst Amend- 
s the establishment. press. The people 


know only what the powers that be decide 


good for them, the u 
Three years ag "nual press count 
sponsored by [More] magazine, Abbie Hollman asked. 
“What would have happened if the Pentagon. papers had 
plished not by The New York Times but by Screw?" 
We might still be in View . It would have been all too 
know if the obscene 
truth of our involvement in an immoral war had appeared 
in a sexually oriented magazine. As it was, three of the 
Supreme Court Justices who reviewed the case felt that the 
t have the right to publish the material. 1 can 
me six who would gladly have put the screws 10 my pub- 
lication, No doubt they will have the chance when my 
ppeal reaches the Supreme Court. 
The ostrichlike stance of The New York Times a 


ews that they decide is fit to р 
at the a 


convention 


been pu 


easy to deny the public the right t 
ч 3j 8 


ine 


Times did 


ıd other 


papers toward the Wichita witch mial is all too casy to 
explain: It is bred in the blind spot wherein Americans 
bury sc: 


as ш 


Puritan forebears, if not more so. (The editorial board of 
the Times has been accurately described as a bunch of 50 
year-old fogies “addressing some early chapter in the Ameri 
can dream, a ghost of Plymouth Plantation.") The policy 
makers who write editor se of a 1 st 
litter grew up in the For п people felt 
that they were getting away w when they 

reporters who cover the stories are 
ly comfortable with sex, cither—for simple lack of 
information. Deep in the American psyche lies the fcc 
that to speak out for sex is somehow. to 
decay. Richard Nixon expressed this feeling whe 
“As long as 1 nthe White House, there will be no 
relaxation of the national effort 10 control and. eliminate 
smut from our natio 2s The warped and brutal 
portrayal of sex in books. plays, magazines and movies, il 
not halted and reversed, could poison. the wellsprings ol 
American and Western culture and civilization. 

The contradictions in the attitude of the liberal pros arc 
absurd. Several years ago, publisher Lyle Stuart tried 10 
reprint a collection of articles from Serew. He was amazed to 
find that the same printing plant that had done his Anarch 
ist Cookbool wruction book on how to make 
pipe bombs apons with which to purify the 
wellsprings of culture) would not print the Sere Reade 
because it showed tits, cunts and cocks, The New York 
Times accepted ads lor The Anarchist Cookbook. Needless 
© t did not accept Reader. Vhe 
Times has a continuing policy of ig the existence 
of Serew—it frequently prints excerpts Irom my film 
reviews, using my name but not the source. Screw is a black 
sheep, an outcast, barrassment to the “family” news 
papers. Who cares il a paper that celebrates sex is stilled? 

You've got to give the Times credit for one thi 
though: Irs consistent, Reporting PLavnoy's November 
interview with Jimmy . the Times deleted the word 
screws from one Сапег quotation ined. "Mr. 
Carter used ism for sexual 1 wonder 
how many Times rc 


ay. ds for the 


ol he pres is almost 
total. Take а look at the letter on page 65 of this month's 
Playboy Forum from Gerald В. Healey. Midwest editor of 
Editor & Publisher. Healey reluses to sce any connection 
between Nixon and the prosecution of Screw. Unwilling- 
hess to sce that connection is a lot like refusing to acknowl 
edge that Nixon knew what was going on during the 
Water per. Healey writes. ^ was filth and yon 
know it and the United States Postal Service is то be co 

tulated for harpooning it.” This from an editor of 

ine that purportedly represents the journalistic pro 
п. Freedom of the press. sure. as long as the press 
^t offend m 


t be instructive to show how Nixon inii 


ated the 
proceedings against Screw or against the producers of Deep 
Throat in Memphis, but it is unnecessary. It is perfectly 
clear that Nixon created and encouraged an atmosphere in 
which sexual repression. thrives. The chief agents of the 
purge are his appointees 10 the Supreme Court. His ac 
complices are the passive, uptight lords of the press. Journal 
ists—the supposed watchdogs of freedom—have put the 
blinders on, They're keeping sex in the water closet, as if 
it were not а fit topic lor mature human beings. as if sex 
ly explicit material were not news or commu 
worthy of controversy. The freedom to ki 
of speech, the freedom of expressie 


or 
aw, the freedom 
stops at their navels. 


this ultimate contraceptive measure. 

I know that for the man I те 
саду had two children, this was a 
l decision. But for me, his choice 
made ours a unique and liberating 
experience, 


ne withheld by request) 
o, Illinois 


PROTECTING PRIVACY 

The Livingston C 
and Prevention Center is 
sew York mental-health cli 


И Upstate 
nic. We pro- 
vices for resi- 


vi 
dents of Livingston C 
of drug abuse, drug 
proble 
other d 


vention. Our annua , 829.600, 
was supplied by the state of New 
York. We lost funding after a burcaucrat 
from the state Осе of Drug Abuse Serv- 
ices d nded access to our clients! con- 
lential case records and we 
give it. We decided th individ 
records should be released to oll 
the Office of Drug Abuse Services only 
with the written consent of the clients 


als 

My olfers of compromises and my re- 
quest for a public hearing have been 
ned down by the мше office, The 
insists it needs access to our di- 
to monitor our use of state 
- "There are 200 clinics like ours 

ound the state and the agency claims 
мете the only one that refuses to co- 
operate. The fact is that other clinics 
quietly e demands for 
fear of los We feel that 
this issue . We are 


only making that access conditional on 
client consent. 

We are a to the public for 
financial a support. We also 
asked the county government to supply 
funds, but they simply haven't the 

At the moment, we’ 


ention Center 
G co, New York 


"The Playboy Forum" offers the 
opportunity for an extended dialog be- 
tween readers and editors of this publi- 
cation on contemporary issues. Address ull 
correspondence to The Playboy Forum, 
Playboy Building, 919 North Michi- 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Ilinois 60611. 


SEE WINTER 
changes the temperature of Jack Daniel's 
limestone spring water. 


Our spring runs year round at exactly 56°. 
(Our ducks are glad of that.) And it’s totally 
iron-free. Our stiller is glad of that, because 
iron is murderous to whiskey. That's why 
Jack Daniel started our 3 

distillery here over a 
century ago. And we've 


CHARCOAL 
never seen fit to change MELLOWED 
anything Mr. Jack ۵ 
started. After a sip of 
our whiskey, we trust, E 


you'll be glad of thar. 


Tennessee Whiskey • 90 Proof • Distilled and Bottled by Jack Daniel Distillery 
Lem Motlow, Prop., Inc.. Lynchburg (Pop. 361), Тепп 37352 
Placed in the National Register of Historic Places Бу the United States Government. 73 


Bad sound 
isan 
unnecessary 
evil. 


To hear music beautifully repro- generally a blight on the ears. 
duced in the home is one of lifes most Some people pick up nifty all-in-one 
pleasurable experiences. stereo compacts they believe will give 
Its also а pleasure them good. high-fidelity sound. But 
| that 8 outof 10 a visit to a reputable high-fidelity dealer 
Americans have never will quickly shatter that belief. Because 
experienced. only there will you hear (rue high 
Unfortunately. — fidelity and come to realize just how 
NEU people still inadequate everything else is. 
at music. E а, "ү а T 
listen to music The simple truth is that only real 


played through dinky 
kitchen radios that 
werent intended 
for accurate 
music reproduc- 
tion in the first 
place. 

Or they 
invest in 
"magnificent 
mediterranean 
fruitwood stereo 
consoles" which 
may be easy on 
the eyes but are 


high fidelity will give 
you real high-fidelity 
sound. That means 
separate component 
pieces: receivers. 
turntables. tape 
decks and speakers. 
each designed to do 
its job perfectly. 
Pioneer makes 
more different 


The $900 worth of 
fruitwood looks good. The 
5200 worth of electronics 
sounds bad. 


Avoid buying cheap “no-name” - gig 
stereo in a place like this к Мо es 


or you'll end up with no-quality sound. 


high-fidelity components than anybody. 
In fact. were the leading high-fidelity 
manufacturer in the world today. 

If you don't own some Pioneer 
components. or some of similar quality 
(such as that made by Marantz. 
Kenwood. Sansui and a handful of other 
dedicated companies) you're probably 
listening to bad sound. And its so 
unnecessary. Today. in 1976. good hi-fi 


| U.S. Pioneer Electronics Corp., 
| This may be sereo js. 75 Oxford Drive, Moonachie, New 
Jersey 07074.. 

For a brochure describing the full 
line of Pioneer high-fidelity components 
and their capabilities. write us. To hear 
our sound with your own ears, visit your 
Pioneer dealer. 


components (as opposed to bad QO PIONEER’ 
“no-name” stereo systems which аге Anyone can hear the difference 
ridiculously low-priced and provide E E 
sound to match) cost no more than 
many unsatisfactory alternatives. 

True. you can assemble a super 
Pioneer system that costs more than an 
automobile. But thats equipment 
designed for the high-fidelity purist to 
whom expense is no object. 

On the other hand, the Pioneer 
receiver, turntable and speakers shown 
here cost about the same as the console 
pictured at left. And when it comes to 
sound. theres no comparison. 

Pioneer also makes equipment that 
costs still less. So for a few dollars more 
than a plastic compact. you can have 
life-size and life-like sound the compact 
could never deliver. 

You see. bad sound is not only 
unnecessary. lts unjustifiable, 


THERE IS ONLY ONE JOY... 
THE COSTLIEST PERFUME IN THE WORLD 


uoi. О. J. SIMPSON 


a candid conversation with the best-liked, best-paid football player ever 


Only а [ew weeks before we went 10 
press, the national guessing game sur- 
rounding O. J. Simpson's football future 
had at last been resolved. Simpson, who 
lust June announced he'd retire if he 
weren't traded from the Buffalo Bills to a 
West Coast team, changed his mind at the 
last moment. With the pro-season opener 
а day away—and with the Bills having 
failed to trade him—Simpson signed the 
most lucrative player contract in the 
history of U.S. football. For him, it 
meant he'd receive a reported 82,500,000 
й he completes three more seasons of 
autumnal glory; for the Bills and the 
National Foothall League, it meant that 
football's most spectacular. performer— 
and lending gate attraction—would con- 
tinue to dazzle the sporting public 

Quite simply, football has never before 
seen the likes of Orenthal James Simpson. 
Combining the speed and deerlike grace 
of a Gale Sayers and the durability and 
determination of a Jin Brown, Simpson 
has by now solidly established himself as 
the premier running back of his time— 
and perhaps of all time. Says Howard 
Cosell, “Certainly, O.J. has every skill a 
truly great running back needs. He's got 
the most spontaneous reflexes of anyone 
Tae ever seen, he has an uncanny ability to 


"I've always had a very simple question: 
What's bigger, the №.ЕЛ.2 bylaws or the 
U.S. Constitution? The Constitution says 
we're all free to choose how and where 
we want to сат a living.” 


lead his blockers and find that extra inch 
that will allow him to knife through, he 
seems to have instant acceleration and he 
also has the strength to break tackles. I 
wouldn't venture to call anyone the great- 
est running back of all time, because 
there are too many intangibles involved, 
but ГИ say this much about O. J. Simp- 
son: Гое never seen any man come to the 
position with greater gifts.” 

OJ's career credentials back up that 
assessment, Born in San Francisco in 
1917. he became an all-American during 
both of his varsity seasons at the Uni 
sity of Southern California and set a 
number of N.C.A.A. running records to 
close out his undergraduate days by 
sweeping the Heisman Trophy and every 
other major college-football award. Fol- 
lowing O.[/s senior year, his coach at 
USC, John McKay—who this year took 
over the з new Tampa Вау Buc- 
cancers—said, “Simpson was not only the 
greatest player 1 ever had—he was the 
greatest player anyone ever had.” USC's 
football adversaries didn't necessarily 
find such praise excessive. After watch- 
ing Simpson zigzag his way for 150 
yards through a vaunted Fighting Irish 
defensive wall, a Notre Dame sports pub- 
licist lamented, “His nickname shouldn't 


“That business about leaving Buffalo is 
behind me now. I intend to finish out 
my career with the Bills. But I'll tell you 
this: I think the Bills would have been 
Letter off if they'd made a trade for т 


be Orange Juice. The OJ. should stand 
for Oh, Jesus—as in ‘Oh, Jesus, there he 
goes again. 

O.J. has made a similar impression in 
the pro ranks. His N. 
most rushing yards gained in one season 
(2003), most rushing yards gained in а 
single game (250) and most touchdowns 
scored in a season (23). Currently fourth 
on the N.F.L's list of all-time ground 
gainers, he has 8123 rushing yards to his 
credit in seven seasons and hell move up 
to third place and possibly second by the 
end of this year. Although it’s doubtful 
that he'll ever eclipse Jim Brown's career 
rushing mark of 12312 yards, O.J. has 
come reasonably close, despite being used 
sparingly during the first three of his 
seven N.F.L. campaigns. 

Aside from his consummate artistry at 
running with a football, Simpson has 
also emerged as the best-liked athlete in 
American sport. He rarely turns away 
autograph seekers, shows up at more than 
his share of charity functions and keeps 


records include 


himself especially accessible 10 young- 
sters. He is no less in favor among his 


peers. At Buffalo, he has repeatedly 
focused attention on his blockers and, as 
а result, such previously unsung players 
as Reggie McKenzie, Joe DeLanielleure, 


GRANT EDWARDS 
“I never infringed on people. 1 was just 
like Clint Eastwood: I only beat up dudes 
who deserved it . . . usually on Friday or 
Saturday night. If there wasn't no fight, 
it wasn't no weekend.” 


PLAYBOY 


78 


Mike Montler, Dave Foley and Donnie 
Green have been able to win stardom 
(and significant salary increases) on their 
own as The Electric Company—an ag- 
gressive aggregation whose duty is "lo 
turn on the Juice” Simpson's apprecia- 
tion of his blockers’ efforts hasn't been 
restricted to flattering references in the 
press; following the 1973 season, he pre- 
sented members of the Bills’ offense 
and coaching staff with gold bracelets, а 
gesture that reportedly cost him more than 
$20,000. 

Simpson could afford such largess, for 
in addition to the mere $300,000 salary 
he was supposedly then earning with the 
Bills, he was hauling down a bundle in 
other careers—as a sports commentator 
for ABC-TV, as а commercial pitchman 
for several companies and as an actor. 
He has already appeared in five films 
and has several movie commitments for 
the coming year. Docs he have any talent? 
Says Lee Strasberg of the Actors Studio, 
mpson is already an actor, an excellent 
onc. А natural one.” 

But, above all, О. J. Simpson remains 
a superlative football player; and to 
interview the superstar of rentacar, the 
silver screen and the N.F.L., we sent free- 
lancer Lawrence Linderman lo meet 
with him in Southern California. (We 
also had interviewer Fred Robbins ask 
O.J. some questions about his acting ca- 
reer while Simpson was in Rome earlier 
this year.) Linderman reports: 

“In June, O.J. and 1 arranged to tape 
the ‘Playboy Interview" while he was in 
Palm Springs filming a series of Hertz 
commercials, but the timing couldn't have 
been worse. A few hours before we sat 
down to talk, he had informed Bills head 
coach Lou Saban that he wouldn't be 
returning to Buffalo in the fall, and 
what had previously been an informed 
rumor suddenly became the nation’s 
hottest. sporis. story. Simpson's decision 
had left him depressed. and by late 
afternoon, reporters from all over. the 
country were telephoning every few min- 
mes lo confirm his decision. We did 
precious little taping during the next 
several days. 

“But the following week in Los Angeles 
was a different story. An hour after 1 
arrived. in town, a buoyant O.J. picked 
me up in a Rolls-Royce and drove me to 
his home. As we headed noith on the San 
Diego Freeway in 65-mph bumper-to- 
bumper traffic, cars zoomed abreast of us, 
motorists honked and smiled, O.J. waved 
and I mostly cringed. 

“O.J. cuts an imposing Slightly 
better-looking than he photographs, at 
61" and 212 pounds, he keeps himself in 
supershape by running and playing tennis 
and basketball, He is very achievement- 
oriented; and since he admits that about 
the only thing he can't do well is sing, 
he's working on that aspect of his game 


with the help of a friend, Bill Withers. 
OJ. has a distinctive sound, bul who 
wants to hear a foghorn try to warble 
ballads? 

"Luckily, Simpson can do other things. 
For instance, he can walk into a room 
and suddenly everyone in it is smiling 
and feeling amiable. True, celebrities al- 
ways cause а crowd's pulse to quicken, 
but O.J. seems to make people glow as 
opposed to, say, Warren Beatty, who 
immediately gets people wondering if 
their sex lives are all they should be. 
People who know O.J. rave about his 
easy. up-front good humor, and 1 certain- 
ly didn't detect any chinks in the armor. 

“Simpson and 1 stayed іп touch 
throughout the summer, and he was 
plainly surprised when the Rams and the 
Bills didn't quickly conclude a trade for 
him. As the N.F.L. exhibition season 
came and went, his surprise turned to 
well-disguised anguish. A few days before 
the start of the regular season, the N.P.L.’s 
interconference trading deadline also 
came and went, which effectively ruled 
out any possibility of Simpson's being 
dealt to either the Rams or the 49ers— 
and al that point, the only team with a 


“Iwas upset. I didn't see 
why I couldn't be traded. 
I started wondering if 
it’s true that nice guys 
really do finish last.” 


chance of landing him seemed to be the 
Oakland Raiders. On Friday, September 
tenth, Bills owner Ralph C. Wilson, Jr 
flew to Los Angeles to talk with O.J.— 
and their meetings provided the opening 
subject for our conversation.” 


PLAYBOY: How did К. 
zm 


h Wilson con- 


1 
nee you to return to the Bullalo Bills? 


Did he simply make you an olfer you 


couldn't refus 


that money wasn't 
tor, but it wasn't the major 
r. Actually, I knew Ralph was going 
to try to sign me when, a few days be 
fore the season started, he called to say 
he was flying out to see me: 1 told him 
not to come, but he insisted. I was still 
totally Bullalo 
so | thought his trip was going to be 
pointless. 

cll, Ralph got to Los 4 
nd he, my 


ick to 


ngeles on a 


I spent a good four hours talking at our 
house. H as that he had 
tried his bi trade for me but 
that it just hadn't worked out. He said 


he felt it was the wrong time for me to 


retire from football and that the Bills 
would like to have me back. 
PLAYBOY: Just how close do you think 


you ca. 
SIMPSO! 

told me he tried his best, 

to take him at his word. On the other 


h: 


nd, Carroll Rosenbloom, the ow 
s, told me 
egotiations—right after the 
Olympics—that the Rams wanted me bad 


but that he didn't think the trade would 


concerned abor 
Ralph asked 


Merlin Olsen retires, and 
Youngblood—because next 
Rams could be in the same si 

in thi lot of offense and 
lso being 
псе Ме. 


B too 
much, so the Rams announced the trade 
alks had fallen through. 

it that, at that point, I 
was very upset. I'd gotten it into my h 
that I'd be going to work every day 
coming back ing my w 
and kids . Dont get me 
I'd rather play 
n the 


nd 


know a guy in pro football who doesn't 
want to play for his hom 
I was also upset because I didn't see 
why I couldn't be waded. I was just 
being told, "OK. we couldn't trade you, 
so you either play in Bullalo or you don't 
play." But other guys who've gone other 
routes—publicly criticized the manage- 
and coaches of their teams, things 
like that—have had no trouble getting 
traded. Players who have gotten into fist- 
fights with teammates and demanded to 
be traded have been traded. There are 
players who have gotten into trouble 
and they've been able to 
. So I was walking a 


I want to play in my home town.” Right 
about then, I started wondering if it's 


true that nice guys really do finish last. 
PLAYBOY: Is that when you considered 
suing? 


SIMPSON: I did seek legal help. I got a 
lawyer and found out that 1 have some 
solid legal rights. But that only рш me 
through hea mental trips, be 
sure as hell didn't want to end 
reer with а lawsuit against the 
PLAYBOY: By playing the game, in both 
senses of the phrase, you no doubt picked 
up a fat contract for this year. Is the 
$2,500,000 figure quoted by Larry Mer- 
chant on NBC-TV accurai 
SIMPSON: Merchant docsn't know what 


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he's talking about. But if [ may anti 
pate your next question, I'm not. going 
to get into the terms of my contract, 
cept to say that I'm very happy 
tished with it and that 1 gui 
that as long as I play foots 


ye 


won't ask for 


athe: 


PLAYBOY: You still haven't told us ex- 
actly how Wilson convinced you to 
return. 

SIMPSON: Well, as I said, we ked a 
long time. He told us what kind of 
money the Bills were willing to pay, 
and when we had finished talking, 1 
drove him back to his hotel. I still had 
no intention of playing lor the Bills, but 


late that night, ] changed my mind. 

did the trick? 

gs my wife told me. Mar- 

said I had been a grouch for 
k and that maybe my pride 

my way. Pride cin be a 
ase some 


querite 


want to do—and she thought t 
I really wanted to do was play football. 
I was still being stubborn about it, but 
we finally decided that if Ralph cleared 
up some contractual things the next day. 
Saturday, Га leave for Bullalo 
Well, Ralph cleared those 
Мам the next morning, 


which wa 


so on Sunc 
out to Buffalo. Ralph thought it would 
take me a couple of weeks to get ready, 


but I said, “Hey, Ralph, I'm going to 
play Monda And 1 did. 
PLAYBOY: Did those things that were 


ed up somehow negare your or 
objections to returning to Bulfalo? 
SIMPSON: No j m is that 


rquerite doesn't 
want to be moving them in and out of 
schools in Los Angeles and Buffalo, and 
I ca gue with that. So she and our 
two children stay in L.A.—they visit me, 
of course, but for the most part, we're sep- 
ed for five months. "That's not easy 
on me and it sure isn’t easy on them. 

AYBOY: But aren't you home much of 
the remaining seven months? 

SIMPSON: No, I'm not. When football is 
over for the year, it seems like I'm always 
оп the road, making appearances for the 
companies 1 work for and, in the past 
couple of years, acting in movies, I gotta 
do that, football is gonna be 
part of my past pretty soon and I have to 
think about my futu | means 
But all that keeps 
s led to a lot of 


because 


finding another carce 
me on the ro 
trouble 


for us. ^ 


riage can't work when ye 
ted so much of the time. I had to make 
ion, which to me seemed really to 
boil down to a question of my family 
g football away from home 


te sepa- 


PLAYBOY: Was it just a matter of mileage, 


or did the city of Buffalo itself play a 
part in your decision? 

SIMPSON: A big part. Marquerite wasn't 
happy in Buffalo: she just didn't have 
much to do. And I'm an outdoor person 
but unless you're into snow, Buffalo is 
not the place to be—and I'm not into 
snow. My biggest problem, I guess, is that 
1 like to do a lot of differ 
in Buffalo, whatever we 


night 


is pretty much w we do the n 
ht ‘cause it just doesn’t have the 
чу of people and occupations that 


you find in a city like L.A. There's only 
one word to describe the negative side 
of Buffalo: tedium. 
PLAYBOY: Is there а 
the city for you 
SIMPSON: Absolutely. Buflalo has allowed 
ne ro get in touch with myself. In that 
s hard to get lost in the 
ty scene the way people do in Holly- 
In Bullalo, you tend to discover 
you really need out of life; the 
t there, so you get down to 
nd in that respect, L think, the 
been good for me. Vl tell you 
T nev friend come 


positive side of 


wood. 


something 


“One thing last season 
proved was that I couldn’t 
make the Bills champions. 

We broke an all-time 
record, but we were 


eliminated." 


me in Bullalo who didn't have a 


ball. Anyway, that business about leaving 
Buffalo is all behind me now. I intend to 
finish out my career with the Bills. But 


ГИ tell you this: I think the Bills would 
have been beuer off if they'd made a 
trade for 
PLAYBOY: What leads y 
clusionz 
SIMPSON: To start with, I may retire after 
this season, aud if I do. the Bills will 
id up with nothing for me. During 
mer, they could have made а 
t would have ensured. them of 
top-caliber team for many years 


to (hat con- 


couldn't make them 
Bills were the best oflensive te: 
1 and we broke an all 
cord for first downs—but we were eli 
ted from the playoffs with two games 
left in the season. 
Obviously, what 
defensive ball playe 
cellent offense, even w 
о do everything from a positive point of 
view and, looking at it positively. the 
trade was gonna be better for the Bills, 
better for the [ans in Buffalo— cause the 


the team needs is 
they have an ex- 
hout me. 1 try 


team would win more games—and it 
would certainly be better for me, because 
I could cud my career at home on the 

2 poten- 


lights film last year was called They Sure 
Were Exciting, and there's no getting 
around that fact: The Bills in "75 had 
fans jumping out of their seats. Now, you 
сап win and be а dull team, and the 
ms are frequently accused of that. But 
1 though the Bills played 
damned wild games last year, the tea 
lack of defense kept it out of the play- 


ne offense even if it had come up with 
а merely adequate runner in my placc— 
icc McCutcheon, the guy Wil- 
ted from the Rams, is much more 
n adequate runner, The better the 
ner, the berner the offense: but 
any case, it had to be a good offense. 
The defensive players the Bills could 
have received would have been the key 
to the trade. 

PLAYBOY: Can't they acquire such. players 
without losing you? 

SIMPSON: Honestly? Yes, they can get a 
couple of guys who can help without get- 
ting rid of me. You have to go back to 
that old football cliché about pa 
price. George Allen sees guys who m 
help him get to the Super Bowl today, 
and all of a sudden John Riggins, Calvi 
Hill, Jean Fuget, Jake Scot 
Sullivan are Washington Redski Allen 
pays whatever price he has to and doesn’t 
worry about later on, because his philoso- 
phy is very simple: The future is now. 
PLAYBOY: Judging from the boos that 
greeted you the night of the Bills n 
tionally televised season opener, didn't 
your near delec 
popularity with the Buffalo 
SIMPSON: I took that with a grain of salt, 
because after 1 had carried the ball a 
few times, most of the boos ned to 
cheers, probably because the fans in Buf- 
falo know t I'm there to play football 
xd E don't give them anything but my 
very best. What booing there was, well, 
you gotta remember that Bul 
most vocal fans in the N 
take the game very personally. 
you're winning, they really let you know 
how proud they are of you. 

Of course, carly in my career, when we 
bunch of bums out on the 
field, they took ihat personally. too. E: 
cept for my first three years in the league. 
the people in Buffalo have treated me 
really well. But those three years were 
rough, because I'd always been cheered— 
nd for the first time in my life, 1 was 
being booed. 

PLAYBOY: Why were the fans on your case? 
SIMPSON: Because we weren't winning. 
When I got to Bulfalo, I was supposed to 


n lose you some of your 
ns 


When 


78A 


be the Kid from California who was gon- 
na instantly tum things around for the 
Bills, but there was no way that could 
happen. 
PLAYBOY: Why not? 

SIMPSON: That had to do with our head 
coach at the time, John Rauch, Rauch 
has a tremendous amount of pride, and 
1 mean he's stubborn as hell. He's а guy 
says something, will stick 
ich 1 think 


PLAYBOY 


I know worked against me. He and T 
never hit it off, starting from the time 
T reported to Buffalo, when he tried to 
me a receiver instead of a runner. 
a rookie, so 1 had to go along with 
all that, but Rauch and I really started 
run-ins during my second year. 
By then, it was clear to me that the 
offense wasn't working and I thought 
we should try something else. 
аз trying to impress the p 
his system 


record was 
or what it was costing the players. 
PLAYBOY: How hor did it ger betwee 
and Rauch? 

SIMPSON: About as hot as it could 
still take pride in the fact u I never 
asked to be traded during those ycars, 
but believe me, there were times I just 
wanted to scream and get out of there. 
AYBOY: Why didn't you? 

SIMPSON: Two reasons: The first was Jack 
great dude who was the 
Bills publicrel n at the time. 
ck was dying of leukemia, but at mo- 
ats when I was ready to bail out, he'd 
come around and comfort me. “Juice, 
he'd say, “there are times in jour life 
when stuft like this is gonna happen, and 
you just have to ride it c 
better.” When things did get better, Jack 
Mortunately passed away. 

The second reason I didn't leave in- 
volved hurting my left knee during my 
second season. In our eighth game of the 
r, | got hit pretty good returning a 
kickoff against Ci and I was 
through for the season. On the da 
turned mp the following summer, 


1 coach, 


ion. We won one game that 
about as disillu- 
1 could be. A pro 


“By then, I wa 
sioned with the Bills 
football team is a 517.000.000 bu 
ness, but the Bills’ operation wasn't run 
as well as my high school football pro- 
gram. And coming out of USC, where 
everything we did was firstclass, 1 found 
the Bills to be rinky-dink. 

PLAYBOY: As in tacky? 

SIMPSON: Right. The facilities were in- 

credibly bad. War Memorial Stadium had 

to be scen to be believe when I 

first saw it, I didn’t believe it. I guess I 
78В was naive. In college, I'd played at the 


L.A. Coliseum, which you can see from 
a half mile away. In Buffalo, you'd be 
walking through a black neighborhood 
and suddenly, 60 feet iu front of you. 
you'd see this old, rundown stadium. I'm 
an optimist, so I figured, Hey, it doesn't 
matter, ‘cause I'm gonna be on the field, 
ог in the stands. But that should е 
let me know what I was in for. Check 
this ош: Our locker room for practices 
was located in a pub! jk and we 
shared it with kids getting dressed for 
hockey Team meetings were cor 
ducted in the hallway of the ice rink, but 
not exactly in privacy: We had to put a 
sheet up over a wire so that the mothers 
and kids wouldn't barge in. We held 
ings right around the ice rink's 
refreshment machines, so while we'd be 
going over game plans, kids would co 
through to get ice cream and sodas. T 
seemed a liule strange. 

PLAYBOY: When did things get better for 
the Bills? 

SIMPSON: My fourth year, Lou Saban was 
rehired as head coach and brought stabil- 
ity and organization to the franchise— 
nd, by then, Buffalo had started build- 
new stadium. Lou made us a 


at 


а 


“We even had hair and 
dress codes. I think 
back on those days and 
wonder how I ever put 


up with that crap." 


running football team, but even 
portant to the players, he tr 
men. 


ore im- 
ated us Like 


Under Rauch, wed stay over 
ra Falls the night before home 
games—without our wives, of course. We 
had an Il-o'dock curfew—which the 
Bills still have—but Rauch would come 
to our room and there'd be trouble if we 
weren't actually in bed. Three hours be 
fore a game, he would give us а wrine 
test and we'd have to answer questions 
like, “Who are we playing today? 
as ‘if the players were in the third grade, 
and it alienated us. We even had hair 
4 dress codes, which prohibited us from 
hg things like flared pants. When 
Ш that shit went right out 
the window. I'm like а lot of older N.F 
players in that I think back on those days 
and wonder how I ever put up with that 
crap. 

PLAYBOY: You s 
discuss the е 


twas 


id earlier you wouldn't 
ct terms of your contract, 
re 


but we may assume that yc 
well over $500,000. Do yon tl 


k you're 
worth that kind of sala 
SIMPSON: I think a person is worth wl 
he gets. And I also think vou can't belly- 


ache about bad breaks, because what 
happens to you is what you allow to 
happen to you. When I was a rookie, 
Ralph offered me $50.000 and T thought 
I was worth much, much more. I'd been 
the Heisman Trophy winner; I'd gotten 
a lot of publicity in college and, when 
they drafted me, the Bills also got a lot 
of publicity. But I never said Ralph 
didn't offer me what I deserved. I just 
went to him and fought for more money. 


ful I didn't. At the time, I'd placed my- 
self in the hands of some financial 
people who wanted Wilson to give me 
$500,000 loan, which I'd invest on V 
ph wouldn't go for it, 


$100,000, which we immediately est- 
ed—and which immediately went down 
the tubes. That's one reason I'm han- 
dling my Га be willing to bet 
that about 40 percent of the deals th 
agents get athletes into don't do better 
than bre: the rest of the 
me, the guys get hurt. 

Anyway, when I couldn't budge Ralph 
to go above $50,000, I became the 
МЕЛ longest holdout in my rookie 
year. I might still be a holdout, but there 
were pressures on me to play. I'd signed 
a three-year contract with Chevrolet that 
ced me $180,000; I had one with 
for $37,500 
signed with ABC Sports 

were tied to my football carcer, which 
is why I always tell Ralph that he got 
me cheap. I finally agreed to play for 
$50,000. 

PLAYBOY: Sports commentators 
charge that doing product endorsements 
detracts from an athlete's concent n 
hence from his performance. Do you 
disagree? 

SIMPSON: Sure I do. I've done my share 
of endorsements and I think my record 
as a football player speaks for itself. You 
hear sportswriters say that crap about how 

ndorsements and doing TV distract а 
player, but. hey. that stuff is gonna sus- 
tain me long after my football career is 
over. Don't misunderstand mi 
made it all possible, but I think 
back to the game whatever I've gott 
out of it. I repay the game with every 
thing I have every time I walk onto the 
ficld. 

I also know that the game goes on and 
that while you may he the greatest today. 
no onc will know where you arc tomor 
row. When your playing days are over. 
the roar of the crowd becomes just a loud 
echo. Players today know exactly wh 


often. 


football can do for them: put money 
the bank. 
PLAYBOY: 15 at a bit cynical 


SIMPSON: I'm not being cy 
istic. There are only two reasons guys be- 
со pro-football — players—to make 
money and because they enjoy playing 
the game. Pro football can give you 


Tavar 1с | 
| AVOI S. U 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
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INTRODUCING 
THE SUCCESSOR. 
TO THE CAR THAT 
STARTED A CULT. 


10 years ago an extraordinary 
new kind of sedan appeared on 
the world’s roads. 

It was small. It was sober 
looking. Yet it had all the perform- 
ance characteristics of a true 
European sports car. 

The car was called the BMW 
1600 and developed into the 
2002. To serious drivers, it sym- 
bolized a new mentality of build- 
ing automobiles 

lo people who valued perform- 

ance,efficiency and engineer- 
ing intelligence, it 
presented a 
refreshing 
antithesis 
to con- 


| ventional transportation 
This year, the engineers of 
| the Bavarian Motor Works—after 
nine painstaking years of devel- 
opment—are pleased to introduce 
| the successor to the venerable 
| 2002. The BMW 320i. 
|. Atechnological, evolutionary 
| improvement on a car many ex- 
perts said could not be improved 
upon 
AN ENGINE PERFECTED 
ON THE GREAT RACE TRACKS 
OF THE WORLD 
9596 of the world's Formula 
Two racers are powered by the 
same basic two-liter engine that 
was in the 2002 and is now in 
the 3201 
In the 320i, however, a 
change of no small consequence 
has been made 
Formerly carbureted, the en- 
gine is now fuelinjected. Allowing 
ıt to deliver the seemingly incom- 
patible: efficiency, economy, un- 
failing reliability and exhilarating 
performance over a wide range of 
| speeds and driving conditions 
So complete and efficient is 
the combustion process that the 
3201 needs no catalytic converter 
to meet government emission 
standards 
All in all, a new standard for 
! two-liter engines 
YOU DRIVE A BMW, 
û IT DOES NOT DRIVE YOU 
The suspension system of 
the BMW 320i—an evolu- 
tionary improvement over 
even the 2002—was 
eveloped and refined 
in places like Monte 
Carlo and the Nürburg- 
ring, where precision is 
crucial and agility and 
durability meet their 
ultimate test. 
Instead of the 
solid reer axle found 
on all domestic and many 
imported sedans, the 
BMW suspension is fully in- 
dependent on all four 


wheels. With McPherson struts 
and eccentrically mounted coil 
springs in front, semrtrailing 
arms and coil springs in back. 
This, combined with a multi- 
jointed rear axle, puts a minimum 
amount of “unsprung” weight on 
the wheels, and allows each 
wheel to adapt itself indepen- 
dently to every driving and road 
condition. With a smoothness and 
a precision that will spoil you for 
any other car. 
‘ RB ENGINEERING 
SHC T BE CONFINED TO 
A CAR'S MECHANICAL PARTS 
While the interior of a conven- 
tional sedan remainsthe exclusive 
dornain of the stylist, every aspect 
of the 3201 interior has been 
methodically engineered to 
enhance dnver control and pas- 
senger comfort 
Individual seats are fully ad- 
justable and all seats are ortho- 


| pedically shaped. 


The instrument panel is 
curved towards the driver, put- 
ting all instruments and controls 
within clear vision and easy reach 
At night, the panel is bathed in 
an optically beneficial orange light. 

WHAT THEY WROTE 
ABOUT THE 2002 MAY YET BE 
WRITTEN ABOUT THE 320! 

“the 2002 is one of modern 
Civilization's all-time best ways 
to get somewhere sitting down.” 
Car & Driver magazine, 1968. 

“in the 2002 you have the 
better parts of the family and 
sports cars with few of the natu- 
ral drawbacks.” Motor Trend, 

1970 

“It is the essence of motoring 
truth.” Car & Driver, 1972 

If owning the successor to 
the car that drew such praise in- 
trigues you, we suggest | 
you phone your BMW 
dealer and arrange a 
thorough test drive. 


THE ULTIMATE DRIVING MACHINE. 
Bavarian Motor Works, Munich, Germany. 


PLAYBOY 


82 


Vivitar takes 
the mumbo-jumbo 
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has all sorts of f 
important to you is the fact that it’s automatic. 


ir 200 automatic elec 


You don't have to be an Einstein to figure out correct flash expo- 
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from the subject, a built-in sensor 


you move closer or farther away 
gives you perfect exposure from 2 to 10 feet. 

The Vivitar 200 will give you up to two 
hundred flashes from one 9V alkaline 
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The flash in this unit is color corrected. 
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Vivitar automaties start under $25. Ask 
your Vivitar dealer for a demonstration. 


Vivitar 


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onic flash for 35mm cameras 
atures we could talk about. But the one that's most 


Vivitar 


things like pride and discipline, but the 
only tangible reward it ollers is money. 
People never hear what happens to most 
players after their careers—which aver 
age only about five and a hall years— 
are over. When all that adulation is with 
drawn, it's traumatic, Jack. 1 doubt if 
figures exist on this, but believe me. the 
divorce rate among retired pro-football 
players is just staggering. The press, man- 
agement—they don't talk. about stulf 
like that. Inst things from 
them about loyalty, which is what 1 heard 
when I said I wouldn't return to Buffalo. 
But over the year ned that loy- 
alty in pro sports go hand with 
1 white, it's 
vd: The minute an owner 
ү. his loyalty to а play- 
er or a city completely changes. Players 
; that stuff comes 
tly from upstairs. And the players rec- 
that kind of double talk for what 
: bullshit. 
PLAYBOY: Do you agree with the owners’ 
predictions that if players are made free 
agents, rich teams will outbid poor teams 
for talent—with the result that N 
franchises in smaller cities like Buffalo 
and Green Bay will soon go bankrupt? 
SIMPSON: You know, it’s funny how team 
owners always talk about competition 
having made America great, but (hey 
sure don't want no competition. In- 
stead, you hear how rich franchises would 


s hand 
d it's not black a 


open 
N.F.L. franchise is poor? Green Bay, Wis- 
consin. is the smallest town in the М.Е... 
but how can the Packers be poor when 
they damn near sell out every game? And 
how can any team afford to offer players 
more money than the Bills. when Bul 
continues to outdraw every other club in 
the N.F. Ralph Wilson has done very 
well in Buffalo: he's got the most profit- 
able franchise in pro football. 

The truth is that no club has enough. 
money to buy itself а team of All-Pros. 
Right now, I don't even think any te: 
could afford 10 sign both me and Joe Na- 
math. And I don't sce how any team 
could ever wind up with Ong 
Simpson, a Mercury Morris and a Chuck 
Foreman, because none of us would want 
to be bench warmers. As far as Dm 
concerned, all that talk about possible 
is there to help owners 
the college draft—which 
ly ruled illegal in court this fall. 
: Why do you take issue with the 

system of drafting college 


players? 


SIMPSON: Well, I've always had a very sim- 
plc question concer What’ 
bigger, the N.F.L’s bylaws or the U. 
Constitution? The Constitution says we're 
all free to choose how and where we want 
to carn a liv Hey. when I came out of 
college. 1 was told that if I wanted to play 
pro football in America, I'd have to go 


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Ray's Powerplay is cassette, 
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PLAYBOY 


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to Buffalo. 1 had no choice in the matter. 


league's “competitive balance 
they've used that argument to take ad 
vantage of the players. 

Listen, 1 think the N.F.L. does need 
some kind of collegedraft system, but 
it's never tried to come up with an ak 
ternative that takes the player into con 
sideration. For instance, why shouldn't 
a player have a choice of signing with 
least a couple oí teams? By way of an 
answer. the N.E.L.—which means the 
team owners—says that pro football can 
survive only by following the rules, but 
they make wp the rules. Well, the Con- 
ive everybody an 
equal shot, and il football can't survive 
within constitutional limits, maybe we'd 
better sit down and talk about it—and 
change it. Which is what's happeni 
A lot of N.F.L. rules—like the Rozelle 
Rule—have been thrown out, and a lot 
more are gouna be thrown out. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think pro football could 
be destroyed in the process? 
SIMPSON: Irs possible, because as the 
players gain more control, they might put 
through changes that could weaken the 
sport. The one thing I'm sure of is that 
in the past eight years, pro football has 
become a better sport for the players and 
less than the greatest investment for busi 
nessmen who t to be team owners, 
Chris Hemmeter, the last president 
of the World Football L ue, got a 
jump on whats happening. He intro- 
duced a plan that didn't have a chance 
to work out, because people didn't go 
to W.F.L. games, but it wa 
and I guarantee you that the N.F.L. will 
ly adopt something like it. The 
Hemnneter Plan was simple: It gave the 
players а certain percentage of the money 
that a franchise makes. Lets say the 
team gets 43 percent: the average player 
might sign a contract for опе percent 
and a superstar might get two or three 
depending on what the other stockhold. 
ers—his t shave to say. What 
it finally boils down to is that as the re- 
wards o[ pro football get greater, the 
avc to step in and 


stitution is there to 


a sound ide; 


eventu: 


amm 


players are gonna 
take some of the financial risk. 

Obviously, team owners are. eventual- 
ly going to be eliminated, because foot- 
Dall is a game that can survive without 
them. Granted, 
that old saying about how players come 
ind go. but the owners stay. But in the 
future, players are going to get more con- 
wol and if pro football lasts for an- 
other 50 years, the players will own all 
the teams. 

PLAYBOY: If something akin to the Hem- 
meter Plan were in effect, do you think 
your teammates would vote to pay you 
as much as you're making now? 

SIMPSON: No мау; so in one way, I guess 
Tm lucky that ГИ be long gone by the 
time all that takes place. 


it hasn't so far: there's 


PLAYBOY; Which brings us to the subject 
of your imminent retirement: How firm 
are you about your announced intention 
to leave pro football after this season? 
SIMPSON: Pretty firm. I'll be 30 before the 
start of next season, and about the only 
runners I can think of who played well 
at that age were journeymen backs like 
Bill Brown, Tom Woodeshick and Tom 
Маце. But 1 can't think of any of my 
kind of runner who played well once they 
At that age, you start to lose 
one step in terms of speed, and most 
people don't realize it, but all that sep- 
arates the better backs from the journey- 
men is that onc step. Leroy Kelley of the 
Browns was still good at 31, but he'd lost 
an awful lot by then. Kelley was amazing 
in that he knew just where the holes 
would open up. He played his last two 
years on his knowledge of the game and 
І think I could, too. But 1 don't want 
to. I don't ever want to be out on the 
field and remember a move and think, I 
can't do that anymore. 

The thing is, I want to leave the game 
like Jim Brown—who quit while he was 
still “the best—and not like Johnny 
Unitas. Johnny Unitas was one of the 
greatest quarterbacks who ever played the 
game, but young guys who saw him at 
the end of his career saw a guy who 
wasn’t anywhere near the great player 
he'd been. Irs like something I once 
read about Willie Mays. A guy took his 
son to sce Willie play and he gave the 
kid а big build-up about Willie, but by 
then, he was with the Mets and what the 
kid saw was almost а caricature of Mays: 
He was thick with his hat didn't 
fall off when he ran and he couldn't hit 
or run the The kid 
finally walked out of the stadium doubt- 
ing that Mays had ever been great, and 
1 don't want that to happen to me. 

Bur. having said all that, I also gotta 
say that Pm still as Гам as when I came 
into the league. If I trained. for track, I 
think T could run the 100-yard dash in 
94 seconds. In fact, I'm sure of it: last 
year, E ran the 100 in 9.6 in tennis shoes 
and on asphalt for ABC's Superstars 
show. So while I think this is my last 
season, I'm sure I could play next year 
atthe same level I played at in " 
PLAYBOY: What are the chances that you 
will? 

SIMPSON: ГЇЇ tell you who really has the 
say-so on that: Dino De Laurentiis and 
Milos Forman—De Laurentiis’ director 
on Ragtime. They haven't cast the movie 
yet. but if I get the part of Coalhouse 
Walker. Jr., and they shoot it next fall, 
then that's it for me and pro football. 
But in the meantime, 1 don't have the 
part—or even an inside track on it 
PLAYBOY: Why are you so ready to quit 
football for Ragtime? Aren't you being 
olfered other movie roles? 

SIMPSON: Yes, but there are certain parts 
that can build a movie career very quick 
and T think that Coalhouse Walker 


turned 30. 


way he used to. 


ly 


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88 


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is one of those parts. They don't come 
around that ой either. This might not 
be the best example, but I remember that 
Robert Redford was hangin’ in for a lotta 
years before he made Butch Cassidy and 
the Sundance Kid, which is when his 
career really took olf 

PLAYBOY: How serious are you about be- 
coming an actor? 

SIMPSON: Very serious, be 
J want to do with my life when I'm 
through with football. Гуе been acting 
since my rookie year in the N-F.L., wh 
I did an episode of Medical Center. 
played a top college football player vis 
was sick but who was trying to convince 
everybody he wasn't so he could be 
drafted by the pros and get that big 
bonus for his momma. Tt was supposed 
to be the sixth show of the series, but 
the producers liked it so much that they 
used it for the series’ premiere. People 
the industry who saw it said, "Hey. 
this kid can act," and for almost two ycars 
after that, I was told to follow it up 
something. Between football, working 
for Chevrolet and RG cola and going 
to sports banquets, I didn't really have 
time. But after my third year in the 
zm friend named Jack Gilardi, 
senior vice-president at Crea- 
gement Associates, arranged 


use it’s what 


who 
tive 
for me to be in a film called Why? The 
whole movie was improvised; it was about 


a bunch of kids going through а m: 
thon group-encounter session. We'd just 
sit there eight hours a day with the cam- 


Lois why it 
didn't matter to me that the movie was 
never shown theaters. A year later, 
y talked to me about The Klans- 
man, and all of a sudden, I had a part 
in it. It was a hell of a surprise, because 
in a movie with actors like Lee 
arvin and Richard Burton couldn't do 
me anything but good. 
PLAYBOY: When The Klansman was on 
location in Oroville, California, it was 
reported that you were usually the only 
sober actor on the set. Was that accurate? 
SIMPSON: Oh, there was some vodka ab- 
sorbed, Jack. Like cases and cases of it. T 
leamed that in the acting industry, the 
kers all go for vodka. because it 
csn't smell. Lee Marvin amazed me 
with his stamina, ‘cause he'd go through 
tire bottle 
hout а hitch, Same thing with Richard 
Burton. And sometimes, when he was 
inebriated, Richard would t ramblin’ 
on 
recitin’ from Camelot or something, just 
to get your attention. Wed pl. 
in which we'd all try to ignore him, but 
we couldn't. And Гуе never seen a cat, 
tipsy or not. who could charm a lady 
more than Richard could. 1 spent about 
weeks working on The Klansman, 
and even though critics destroyed the 


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movie, I got reviews saying that the only 
redeeming thing about it was my per- 
formance. After that, I got a part in The 
Towering Inferno as a security gt nd 
that led to a couple of other movi 
er Force and The Cassandra. Crossing, 
which has people 
Ava Gardner, Richard Harris 
Lancaster. So it seems to be happening, 
you know? 

PLAYBOY: Have you set any goals for 
yourself as an actor? 

SIMPSON: I'll settle for becoming what 
producers call. bankable—having enough 
of a following to know that people will 
go to see movies I'm in. But I. don't 
want to just play acion parts where I 
do a lot of runnin’ around. The guys 
ıt to be like are character actors. 
I'd really like to be like Dustin 
an, who 1 think is probably the 
actor in the world. Another guy 
Martin Balsam, and ГЇ go to 
like in The Anderson Tapes, 
where he played a fag—just to see what 
kind of trip he's into. I'm also not 
lookin’ for parts that necessarily call for 
a black cat; the role I pla 
sandra Crossing was written for James Co- 
burn, but when he got tied up in another 
movie, they got me. I play a pr 
PLAYBOY: À priest? How did you prepare 
for that Kind of role 
SIMPSON: Well, I sort of surprised my wife 
for the last two months before 1 went to 
Rome to make the film by going to 
church with her every Sunday. She's 
Catholic. And after church, I would speak 
to some of the priests. I also knew а few 
pri San Francisco who used to work 
with the baseball teams that 1 was on; so 
when I went back to the city, I made it 
point to look them up. just to be 
to pick up maybe a few of 
mannerisms, how they said things 
kind of carried themselves. 
I watched them and I thought, if I were 
a priest, how would 1 аа? That's pretty 
much my approach to all the roles I've 
gotten into: it's worked for me. 

PLAYBOY: What was it like working with 
people like Sophia Loren and Richard 
Harris? Did they accept you, а compara- 
tive newcomer 10 

SIMPSON: They made it very easy for me. 
The first time E met Richard Harris, even 
before I saw him, | heard somebody 
yelling “Juice, Juice" and describing а 
play, “Second and ten, and clock's run- 


ound thet 
t 


th 
and how the: 


ning out: Fergy drops back, hits Juice 
going down the middle 61 yards, he 
scores! Buffalo wins. 24-23." 1 looked 
around and it was Richard Harris, He 


g one of the big plays of 
the past season, so I knew he was а fan. 
ad made me feel 

I was on the 
set. noticed me watching her when she 
had a little bres "Come o 
id sit down," and she started helping 
me with a litle Italian. Later, she be- 
came my gin partner. Whenever we were 


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on the set, we were playing gin. She's a 
great poker player, too, 

PLAYBOY: 
dren go with you to Rome? 
SIMPSON: No. 


Did your wife and your chil 


bur if I had to do it over 


again, I'd take them with me. All my 
life, Fd always visualized myself as a 
father. with kids, but I never really 


thought about being a husband, and 
there are certain responsibilities you have 
"That's hard for a free 
spirit like me. But, fortunately t 
а good lady and she's made adjustments 
for it 

PLAYBOY: Are 


that 


as a husband 
I've 


referring to the fact 


a guy in your position is constantly 


you 


surrounded by groupies? 
SIMPSON: Well. | 
plethora of groupies 
down to the two of us, how much we 
trust each. other and how much we love 
cach other, We've had problems 
like any other couple, probably а few 
more of them, because of my lack of pri 
хасу. Of course, we mı І was 
19 and my wife was 18—so we had a lot 


haven't into а 


but it 


run 
all comes 


our 


d young 


of growing up to do. 
PLAYBOY: Early ma 


as iı used 10 һе, How do you feel about 


¢ isn't as popular 


it wday 
SIMPSON: I wouldn't advise it for every. 
body, but for me it was probably the best 


thing, I was pretty extroverted and I did 


a lot of messing around, and marriage 
sort of gave me some responsibility at 
an age when I needed it. I stayed home 
nights with my wife—she was worki 
she was usually too tired to go ou 
did my homework. If I hadn't been mar 
ried and had her to go home to, I think 
I could have been moving a little too 
fast for myself. 

PLAYBOY: There's no subtle way to ask 
this question, so let's just bulldoze into 
it: Have you ever found yourself in a 
tion that was ugly purely because of 


so 


and 


ity racial overtone 
SIMPSON: I've been in places in the 
South—and also in the North—wherc 


some dude started making race remarks 
But when loudmouths say those kinds of 
things, I just make ‘em disappear: to 
me, they're not even there. Of course, you 
can only take it so far and then you gotta 
le a guy know he's out of line. I've 
heard guys in bars yell, "C'mere, boy 
Hey, boy. come over here." I ignore them 
until they try to pull me over to where 
they are. That's when Hertz comes in. 
PLAYBOY: Hertz? 

SIMPSON: Right, baby. I give 'em a hard 
нше 
don't it? Not Avis 
lec ‘em know they're startin’ to walk on 
I've fortunate in that I 


jab in the chest 
Hertz.” Politely 


ad say, “Heriz, 
you 
thin ice been 


haven't run into too many racial situa 


tions; but when they've come up, I've 
been able to handle them in some places 
and avoid them in others. I think 
when you find guys beatin’ up on dudes 
because of race remarks, it’s generally be 


that 


cause of some insecurities, But, hey, 1 
know who J am: I'm the Juice. I'm 
black—and that’s cool with me, baby, 


and just another reason why I'm the 
- If you came up to me and called 
er, Га probably look you in 
‚ "Oh, is that what Î am?" 
But if you're gonna cal: me a nigger, you 
not touch me or give me any legal 
ason to hit ya, Jack. ‘Cause, believe 
me, I will. 

PLAYBOY: that doesn't. jibe 
with the Mr. Clean image you project in 
your Hertz commercials. Is there a ical 
difference between your media image 


Somehow 


nd 


your private personality and 
it bother you? 

SIMPSON: At times it worries me, 
І don't quite understand ihe reasons for 
it, It might be 1 have 
friends, and a friend often tends to make 


if so, does 


because 


because a lot of 


you seem like a good guy. Another rea 
son, I suppose. is that T always try to be 
as direct and honest as I сап be, maybe 
because I don't have to deal with who I 
am, especially in terms of race. I'm black 
and thats it. I can't change it aud I 
wouldn't want to change it, as much as 
I couldn't and wouldn't want to change 


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PLAYBOY 


what's in the damn sky. I'm happy with 
being black and I don't trip about it. 
PLAYBOY: Have you ever gotten racial put- 
downs from blacks? 

SIMPSON: Only when I was in colle 
When 1 w; USC, black athletes across 
the nation were looking for an identity 
ad we all did things like grow our hair 
long. At some colleges, half the football 
team would be suspended for doing that, 
but on our campus, there was no resist- 
y made 
ake w 
out a hassle. Most of the cats on ou 
were cool, anyway, so 
deal. But a lot of the middle- and 
class black students were having а tough 
time discovering who in the hell they 
were, I remember that all of а sudden, 
USC had a black student union and 
then—bingo!—the black student union 
was talki bout who was black enough 
fluent black communi- 
ties like Baldwin Hills were coming up 
to guys like me who came from lower- 
class аг nd tellin’ us we weren't bla 
enough. Га tell those cus, "Hey, I don't 
have to go through any changes to prove 
that Fin. black enough; І am black. 1 
grew ир black. 1 knew it the day I was 
born, I knew it when I went to school— 
1 knew it all the е. You're just Hindir 
it out, but that's your problem, not mi 
so deal with it the best you can. But 
don't judge my trip by yours—and don't 


Students from 


tell me about who's doing more fe 
whom, or what. That aint my trip, 
Jack.” 


ular те 


PLAYBOY: Is there any p; n 
why it isn't? 

SIMPSON: Y ad it goes back to some- 
thing that happened when 1 was about 
5 years old. I'd been sent to the You 
«c Center in San Francisco for 
about a week—it had to do with a fight I 
had had—and a couple of hours after 1 
got back home, somebody knocked on the 
door and said there was a guy downstairs 
who wanted to see So I went outside 
and the ‚ was шу boy- 
the most 


loyal Giants fan you ever saw, 
day after school when the 
town, me and my friends would sn 
into Seals Stadium—that was belore the: 
built idlestick Park—just to see W 
play. And there was Willi 
for me! 1 found out after 
neighbor had told him I was in trouble 
and had brought Mays around to talk 
to me. But Willie didn't give 
discipline rap; we drove over to his place 
and spent the afternoon talking sports. 
He lived in a great big house in Forest 
Hill and he was exactly the casygoing, 
always pictured him to 
astic day for me. Well, a 
ter that, Jackie Robinson 


T took like he'd said it about me, 
"cause it was like J was Willie Mays back 
then. I'd always admired Robinson, but 
I never really saw him play and, besides, 
Mays was my тап. Willie always put 
out good vibes, and even after 1 got to 
college, 1 knew that he had done more 
lor me than anybody else. I was well 
of what Jackie Robinson had doue 
nd I appreciated it, just like 1 appr 
cate what George Washington and 
Thomas Jetlerson and Thomas Edison 
did. But I don't think he should have 
gouen on Mays, For myself, if 1 reach 
a lot of people and have а positive 
fluence on them, that’s great. 1 got that 
from Willie Mays; he was there to help 
a kid who was in uouble. 

PLAYBOY: How much trouble did you get 
into when you were young? 

SIMPSON: Oh, 1 wasn't bad, just mis- 
chievous. Some of thar had to do with 
growing up in the Powero Hill district of 
1 Francisco, which to me was the 
atest place in the world. My mothe 
worked—my father didn’t live with us— 
and me, my brother and my two sisters 


aw: 


"When there wasn't any- 
thing to do, somebody would. 
say, Hoy, let's go hit the pie 
factory. So we'd go down 

and steal maybe 30 pies." 


always had a terrific time. Blacks talk 
about other blacks’ bein’ your brothers 
id sisters, and that applies even more 
the projects, where everybody's mom- 
ma is your momma and three or four 
nights a weck you'll be cain’ over at 
somebody else's house. It's like livi 
a Federally funded commune. On a real 
level, Potrero Hill was an arca where 
70 percent of the people were on wi 
fare, and it’s bullshit to think they sat 
on their asses waiting for Government 
checks, because the Fathers were always 
out looking for jobs, but there wasn't any 
work for them. 1 wasn't aware of all th 
ol course. To me, Potrero Hill was Amer 
ica the Beautiful, and I think most of the 
people who lived there felt the same w 
1 remember that at world-series time, 
everybody would crowd around a radio 
to listen to the games, and when the na- 
tional anthem was played, the whole 
m would stand up. Everybody— 
mothers, fathers, kids—would be on 
their feet, and this was in the projects. 
. 1 remember all the adventures 
we had, There was a polliwog pond, rail- 
road tracks, а lumberyard and lots of fac- 

i rby, and in the summer, when 


there wasn't anything to do, somebody 


would say, “Hey, let's go hit the pie fac- 
tory" So we'd go down there, sneak 
around the fence and set up what looked 


like a lite bucket brigade, and we'd 
steal maybe 30 pics. My favorite was 
blackberry; man, that was good. Or we'd 
hit the Hostess Bakery or the milk fac- 
tory. We had а good group of dudes and 
my best friends then are still just about 
my best friends now. We also had the 
toughest gang on Potrero Hill; couldn't 
nobody whup us on tlic Hill. 

PLAYBOY: Was it dangerous to belong to 
a gang? 

SIMPSON: I think it was more dangerous 
not to. There was never any bla 
tached to it, and il you weren't in one, 
you had to be kind of gooly or else just 
plain out of it. When 1 was 13, I joined 
my first gang, the Gladiators, and I was 
the president; me and all my litle cro- 
nics got these great burgundy-satin jack 
as that 1 later learned were baseball 
windbreakers. There were about 14 of us 
and we stayed on Potrero Hill and nev 
dealt with any ging outside the district, 


because we were too young. 


1 joined my first fighting gang when I 
got to junior high and got with the Per- 
sian Warriors. There were about 25 guys 


in the club and I think I was the only 
one who didn't live in the Fillmore Dis. 
trict, And, of course, we had our ladies’ 
auxiliary; the Persian Parettes were the 
best female dub in San Francisco. 1 was 
14 when the Parettes came into my lile 
and, man, they gave me an education. We 
did a pretty good amount of figh " 
the big showdowns would usually take 
e on holidays, when everybody would 
get on down to Market Street. You'd hear 
‘ou gonna be at the Gold 
en Gate Theater tomorrow? The Roman 
Gents are gonna fight the Sheiks!” I 
joined a club called the Superiors when 
1 got to high school, and that's when we 
started steppin’ out of all that rowdy shit 
nd started gi nstead. 1 think. 
the IRS would've been interested to find 
out about them, because we made us some 
bucks. One ye med a hall in the 
Sheraton-Palace Hotel and gave a Hal- 
loween party that hundreds of kids cime 
10. We cleared about $3300 for the night, 
which, to us, was almost unbelies 


ing dances 


ble. 
PLAYBOY: What did you do with all that 


money? 
SIMPSON: We put it in our kitty and 
then put on a picnic that the whole city 
was invited to. The Superiors finally 
broke up when about four of the guys 

jail and а few others joined the 
sudden, there were only 
about four active members left, and the 
club had 52800. so we did what we 
thought was best [or everyone concerned 
We voted to split up the treasury. All 
right! 


PLAYBOY: Had you ever scored like that 
helore? 

SIMPSON: No, but as a kid, I always m: 
aged to keep myself in lunch money, es 
pecially during football season. We'd go 
down to the 19ers games and sneak in, 
and then afterward, when the game was 
over. the mai ve you 
nickel for every seat cushion you turned 


nent would gi 
in. Me and my friends would grab all the 
cushions we could. and sometimes we'd 
also grab alb the cushions other little 
dudes had picked up. It was like a dog 
fight 


the way to make real money at 
es was to hustle tickets. To do 
thar, you needed a little dough up front 
to work with. И my momma would lend 
me а few bucks, I was over like a fat rat 
but most of the time Fd have to get the 


ther by myself. So on F 


money tc idays, 


Га go fishing down at the pier and then 
sell my catch in the projects. On Satur 
days, Ûd hustle bottles. for the deposit 
money, and by game time on Sunday, Fd 
have 53.50 for a reserved-seat ticket. That 
wasn't to get in, "cause we'd sneak 
that was money t0 work with. Fd go up to 
people outside the st n and ask il 
they had. extra tickets, Lots of times. 


ts 


would be waiting for friends who did 


sh 


t 
w, and ib D thought a guy could be 
alked out of a ticket, Fd kinda whimper 
and say. “Oh. I just gor to see old Hugh 
McElhenny.” Some people would give 
you the ticket, but the average cat would 
want something for it and hed say, 
Nope, I won't 


we W to you. but how 


much money you got?” You'd tell him 
$150 or two bucks, he'd sell it to you 


and then youd go sell it to somebody 
else for the $3.50. Some 


mes you'd catch 
а seat on the 50-yard line and you could 
scalp those for four or five bucks. By 
game time, I'd. pick up about $40—and 
this was a litle dude whose momma gave 
him a quarter а day for lunch 

PLAYBOY: You weren't exactly shy and 


a child, then? 
SIMPSON: Hey, 1 was aggresive. I've al 
ways had lots of er 


ey, which is why my 


lls started calling me 


teammates on the 
Juice. Th 
with ora 


didn ave 


thing to do 
juice, only with the kind ol 
guy I am—alwiys juiced up. always mov 
around. A lot of guys probably d 
Im (оо active and too loud, but ıl 
the way Tam and that’s the way Î was 
as a kid. Bur [ wasn't called O.J. or 
Juice when I was little. As а kid, Î was 
led Headquarters and. Waterhead, be 
ise my he 


© (d was about the same size 


then as it is now, and I was very sensi- 
tive about that. I was also sensitive about 
my legs. When I was, oh, m 
old, I came down with rickets—a lack of 
calcium in the bones—and the disease 
de my legs skinny and left me bow 


be two years 


n 
legged and pigcon-toed. 1 needed braces 


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10 correct both of those things, but my 
mom couldn't afford them, so I wore a 
pair of shoes connected by an iron bar. 
Га get into that contraption а few hours 
every day and until 1 was almost five, I'd 
be shufflin’ around the house. But then 
my legs improved and I got t0 be a very 
rowdy character. 

PLAYBOY: How rowdy? 

SIMPSON: Well, at dances, Fd wear this 
long white hat down over my c and 
il I saw a girl who looked good, ГА go 
right up to her and start rappin’, even it 
she was with a guy. I didn't care what 
the dude said, "cause Ed. tell him, "Hey. 
Tm talkin’ to her, not you, m; M she 
don't want me to talk to her, shell tell 
me she don't want me to talk to her." It 
rarely got into punches, because. most of 
the dudes didn't want to fight me. 
PLAYBOY: Why not? Were you such a 
tough kid? 

SIMPSON: Oh, I could handle myself, but 
you also gotta realize that San Francisco 
t а big town and it ain't that hard 
to develop а reputation. 1 got most ol 
mine from a fight | had with a guy named 
Winky, He belonged to the toughest club 
in the city, the Roman Gents, and when 
we fought, he must've been about 20 
and I was maybe 15. That was one fight 
I sure didn't star: One night, [was at 
а dance in the Booker T. Washington 
Community Center when, all of a sudden, 
this loud little sucker—an older O. [.— 
comes up to me and says, “WI 
say about my sister?” Td heard ol 
Winky—just about everyone had—but 1 
didn't know t was who this was, so I 
just said, "Hey, man, I don't know your 
sister. 1 don't even know you.” И wa 
cool to fight in the c 
the guy started walki 
kin’ аар to me and I yelled back, 
you, too, man!” 

а few minutes later, I see a whole 
bunch of Roman Gents trying to get this 
cat to be cool, but nope, he's comin’ over 
to me and he shouts, “Motherfucker, Em 
gonna kick your as! 


did you 


aw" And then 
the music stops and 1 hear every 
"2 “Winky's gettin? ready 


fight him. So as he walks up to me, I 
"Hey, man, I really didn't say any 

ч.” But belore 1 can 
nkys on me and 


say anything else, V 


his 


swingin’. Well, I ass just 
deaned up on the s Tm givin” 
it to him, I see th „ who I just 


loved, so J start getting loud. And as Fm 
punchin’, Fm also shouting: “Mutha 
fuckah! You gonna fuck with тед?" 

Well, the head of the community cen: 
ter finally pulled 
his friends waited for me outsi 
had to sneak home. For the next few 
weeks. wherever Г show up, it wouldn't 
be too long before somebody would come 
up to me and say, "Hey, man, Winky 


—— acil 


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and his boy 
to get you.” 
It really got hot for me—no jokin’ 
around—so that summer, I moved in 
ith an uncle in Las Vegas. When I went 
, L was sure things had cooled off, 
but one night I'm comin’ out of a party 
and who do I bump into? Right, Winky 
and his boys. But ıd of fightin’ with 
me, he says, “Hey, little dude, you got a 
lot of guts. Come on in and have a drink 
with us.” I was lecry as hell, but there 
it much I could do—I was sur 
rounded by all these big mothers— 
so I went back inside and Winky told 
everybody, “This is our little dude. From 
now on, anybody fucks with him gotta 
fuck with us.” And so, throughout my 
high school years, most of the guys 
around San Francisco knew who J w 
PLAYBOY: Did you cver take advanta 
your notoriety? 
SIMPSON: Nope, I never infringed on 
people. I was just like Clint Eastwood: 
Тому beat up dudes who deserved it. 
PLAYBOY: And how often would tiat be? 
SIMPSON: At least once a week, usually 
on y or Saturday night. If there 
wasn't no fight, it wasn't no weekend. 
PLAYBOY: Did it ever get beyond fists? 
SIMPSON: Not with me, it didn't. I was 
in gang fights where a couple of guys 
got croaked, and you could be at the 
YALCA. with 600 people when a mini- 
riot would break out the next 
day. you'd read ab some cat gettin’ 
stabbed. But, basically, me and my 
buddies were all into sports, And even 
then, sports was lucky for me: If I hadn't 
been on the h school football team, 
there's no question. but that I would've 
been sent to jail for three years. 
PLAYBOY: Why? 
SIMPSON: When I was in the tenth grade 
at Galileo High—I think it was 1962— 
the whole Haight Ashbury thing had 
пей. San Francisco always used 
beatniks, but now all these 
weirdos were coming in from all over 
the country and the only thing they 
talked about was margarine or marinara; 
1 finally found out it was called m 
juana. Up till then, me and my fr 
thought dope was something you only 
put in your arm, so we decided t0 make 
it over to Haight-Ashbury and see what 
was happening. We'd go down 


е on their way over here 


anese cats prayim 
d all finds of characters smokin’ that 
it was just weird. 

Naturally, the boys had to check out 
na, and one day at school we 
got hold of a but when they passed 
it around, I just pretended to take a hit. 
1 was a diehard athlete, and besides that, 
1 didn’t want to get deranged, I 
finally tried it one day and didn't get 
high—but I ran all the way home from 
school, breathing real hard to get it out 


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of my system. I believed every horror 
story I'd heard about grass, and while I 
was runnin', I remember thinking. God- 
damn, why did I do that? I'm gonna get 
addicted! 

Anyway, during football 
friend of minc named Joc Bell came up 
to me and my buddy Al Cowlings and 
showed us these two joints he had. Joe 
told us that a teacher wanted to buy 
them for a dollar apiece. Me and Al had 
football practice—Joe had been kicked 
olf the football team—so we couldn't go 
with him to sell them 
the teacher ar. Joc wasn't a 
pusher, but for sellin’ two joints to a 
nar, he spent three years in the big 
house. When Joe got out, he went to the 
University of Washington on a football 
scholarship, got his master’s and is now 
working on his doctorate—he's into pris- 
on reform. Me and Al just happened to 
have football practice that afternoon, or 
else we'd have been sent up, too. That's 
the kind of life it was for us. We were 
just kids like any other kids, but we 
weren't growing up in Beverly Hills. 
PLAYBOY: Earlicr, you alluded to having 
spent time in the Youth Guidance Cen- 
ter. What kinds of things did the police 
arrest you for? 

SIMPSON: Fighting, and once for stealing, 
which I didn't do. I don't want to make 
myself sound good, but one time our 
dub was giving a dance and instead of 


season, a 


It turned out that 
was a 


buying the wine, the guys decided to 
rip it off. I kept tellin’ we had the 
money to buy the stuff, but no, they 
wanted to steal it. I didn't even go into 
the liquor store with "em. 1 waited out 
side and when they came out, we walked 
around the corner—and right into the 
hands of the police. We'd planned that 
dance for months, had sent out handreds 
of invitations, had done all kinds of 
advance work—we were calling it The 
Altair of the Year—and there we were, 
up against the wall, and then in jail. It 
was the worst. But we're only talking 
about the hairy moments now, and they 
were 1 small part of growing up. 
Mostly, we had super times. And thc 
majority of "em had to do with bein’ in 
the park from the time school was out 
until it got dark. We'd get out of school 
at three o'clock and we'd have а game 
goin' by 3:20. 
PLAYBOY: What kind ol game? 
SIMPSON: Baseball. Everybody thought 
I'd become a major-league catcher and 1 
probably would have if I hadn't kept 
busting up my right hand. The first time 
ned w. play at home pl. 
school baseball ga 
I couldn't play baseball anymore 
that spring, I started running track—and 
I discovered that, while no one came to 
the baseball games, all the pretty girls 
showed up for track meets. At Galileo 


ar 


on 


High, I ran in the 880 relays and we set 
a city record kind of thing 
happened when I got to junior college: I 
broke my hand during baseball season, so 
I joined the track team. in the S80 
relays and we set a national colle; 
record, 

PLAYBOY: How did you injure your hand 
а second time? 

SIMPSON: You ever hear of an 
named Vonetta McGee? I broke my hand 
hittin’ her brother Donald in the head. 
That hurt, Jack. It 
to cool it on the fightin 
PLAYBOY: When did you begin playing 
football? 

SIMPSON: Oh, I'd always played it, and 
I was on the team all through high 
school. But I never thought about play 
ing college ball until the later part of 
my senior y until , we'd 
always been easy to beat; in fact, in my 
junior year, we didn't win a game. In 
my senior year, though, we started win 
ning and I made AlLCity. But 1 
overshadowed by the runners on the two 
top high school teams. 1 was the third 
back; All-City team got 
written up, the papers said, "And O. J 
rounds out the backfield." 
When I graduated, 1 didn't get a single 
scholarship offer. 

PLAYBOY: In retrospect, that seems hard 
10 believe. Why not? 


The same 


ше 


actress 


also convinced me 


r Up the 


was 


(d when the 


Simpson 


SIMPSON: One reason was my 
"They were lousy. My only inte 
school was in gettin’ out, so Т took 
courses like home economics and didu't 
exactly kill myself studying. 1 was gonna 
join the Marines and fight in. Vietnam, 
but before I graduated, a friend came 
back from Vietnam missing а leg, and I 
thought Т had to be crazy to go there. 
The football coach at Arizona State had 
shown some interest in me, but he took 
one look at my grades and told me he'd 
he ı T got out of junior 
college. So I enrolled at City College of 
San ncisco and in my two years there 
1 broke all the national junior college 
rushing records. That time around, I got 
а Lot of scholarship offers. 

PLAYBOY: Isn't it truc that major foot- 
ball colleges staged a virtual bidding war 
for vour services? 

SIMPSON: Right. A whole bunch of ‘cm 
were ollering all kinds of under-she-table 
shit. In addition to a regular scholarsl 
most of the schools were talking about 
5400 or 5500 nth and stuff like a 
One school was gonna arrange for 
my mother to clean up an office for $1000 
a month; another 
mother a hous 
gate-type recru 


in touch whi 


aom 
car 


was gonna get my 
А lot of stupid. Water 


g shit went on in those 


days, bur in recent years, it’s changed 
for the better, because the N.C.A.A. has 


cracked down pretty hard on a lot of 
schools. Even then. the N.C.A.A. was 
tryin’, because they let it be known they 
were gonna investigate whatever school 
I picked. 
PLAYBOY: Did USC offer you anything 
under the table? 
SIMPSON: No. and it was probably the 
only school that didn't 
only school I'd ever wanted to play for. 
When 1 was in the tenth grade and had 
just finished my first season of h 
school football, USC was playing Wis. 
consin in the Rose Bowl and 1 watched 
the game on TV, Early in the game, USC 
scored. a touchdown and all at once, a 
white horse illopin, 
around the field. Right then and there, 
I tho “That's the school Z want to 
go to! 
Well. at the end of my first year in 
junior college, we played bowl 
game—the Prune Bowl, сап you. dig it? 
We were playing La each, the de- 
lending national champion, and after 
being behind 20-0 in the first hall, we 
сате back and destroyed "em, 40-20. I 
scored three touchdowns in the second. 
half and was voted Most Valuable Player, 
and as 1 was walking off the field, a guy 
ud said, “O. J. Simpson. 


Tt was also the 


beautiful was 


in а 


came up 10 me 
that was a great game. My name is Jim 
Stangland and I'm a coach at USC. How 
would you like to be Trojan?” 


The man had just said the magic word. 
Inside глу head, bugles were blowin’ and 
that white horse was gallopin’! But 1 had 
a problem: Because of my high school 
record, USC couldn't get me in after just 
one year of junior college. I really didn't 
want to stay in junior college for another 
year, but USC assistant coach Marv Goux 
convinced me I should. So I did. 

PLAYBOY: How did he get you to change 
your mind? 

SIMPSON: He guaranteed me that il I 
went to USC and played the kind of 


football he thought 1 was capable of 
playing, l'd get more money out of pro 
football than anybody else ever got— 


much, much more than any other school 


could offer me. And the reason I love 
USC so much is that's exactly what hap- 
pened. 1 was in the right place at the 


slit time: We were good football play 


ers and in the two years I was there, ош 
team was on television. 17 times. The 
LA. media are very powerful. and all 
that exposure during my first year helped 
me get voted U.P.1.'s player of the year 


The second year, 1 won the Heisman 
Trophy 
I had the time of my life at USC, 


probably because that’s where I started 
getting 

raised im a poor атса, that’s what you 
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Мате 
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оу _ 2р 


was а kid: I am somebody, Recognition 
is more of a motivating force tha 
ey, because it’s really hard to sit home 
and dream about dollars. You can. think 
about what money will buy you, but 
recognition is really what you want. It 
was certainly the thing Z wanted. 
PLAYBOY: Few football experts, if any, 
would dispute the motion that you've 
been the most successful running back of 
your time, What do you think enabled 
you to become unique as a runner? 
SIMPSON: That's hard to say. 1 never con- 
sciously tried to develop a running style 
or 10 imitate anybody else's, because any 
time you do that, you gewin’ into 
nothing but wouble. When they hand 
you the ball, you don't think, because 
you don't have time to think, You just 
run. And you react. You gotta be able to 
recognize certain things that are happen- 
ing out there and react without thinking. 
To do that, you have to daydream about 
running. 1 can watch a million game 
Ims, but 1 do myself more good driving 
down the freeway, daydreaming about 
runs against various teams. Last season, 
you wouldn't believe how much I day- 
dreamed about running 90 yards against 
Piusburgh, which is one reason 1 was 
able to do it. When you're really into 
it, incredible things can happen. I've had 
teammates come up to me and ask, “How 
you fake shat cat? You never even 
And ЕШ look at 


mon 


w him! 


and 1 have put moves on guys 
I didn't see, but the thing is, when you're 


running, you can sometimes feel when a 
guy's almost on you. What you have to 
do is react as if he's already there, ‘cause 
you may not even have the time to look 
Some of the guys call that. transcenden- 
tal meditation, but to me, it's just putting 
yourself out there beforehand and imag. 
ining everything that's supposed to bap- 
pen on every play. You got to be very 
receptive to that during a game, but 
that's not always easy. It calls for deep 
concentration. 

PLAYBOY: At wha 
docs all this concentra 
thing like pleasure? 

SIMPSON: When I'm doing my thing, 
he rush part of a gi E 


t point during а game 
ion become some- 


a cat down. When you're runnin 
the ball and you put an unbelievable 
move on a guy, jux about every fan 
watching the game feels the same thing 
you do. It's a rush and the whole stad 
shares it with you. 
PLAYBOY: Is that what separates the super- 
star [rom his colleagues—the ability lo 
inspired moves? 
SIMPSON: I think so. In basketball, you 
cheer for a solid player like Lou 
Hudson, who can stand out there and pop 
for 25 points every night, but then you 
have to look at the difference between 


nd Earl Monroe. Well, Hudson 
and hits his shots and he's 
methodical and he’s great, but the Pearl 
ill show you stuff you ain't never se 
before, and suddenly you're on your feet, 
"cause he's just too much! 

In football, you watch good journcy- 
men running backs like Ed Podolak and 
Jim Kiick, and they can put that shoulder 
down and follow their blocking and may- 
be get a little dippy, but when they make 
а move, ifs usually a move that you 
siw coming. Then you look at Mercury 
Morris and just when you think he's 
tapped in the backfield, he'll do some 
thing you never saw before and every 
body in the stadium is shouting, "Did 
you sce that?!” Aud your friend's comi; 
up the aisle with beers and you're. yell: 
g. "Man, you missed it! Mercury just 
donc some shit you wouldn't believe!” 

I call that са g and guys 
who do it are cats like Mercury, Chuck 
Foreman, Greg Pruitt, Otis Armstrong 
and Johnny Rodgers, who's playing up 
in Montreal. They all make insane moves 
that don't seem to have any logic, but 
somchow it turns out brilliant. And the 
aowds really dig it: lots of times I've 
gotten up after gaining maybe all of 
at yards and the entire stadium is on 
feet. More times than not, even the 
guy who was tryin’ to tackle you is stand- 
ing there starin’, "cause he knows he's 
lookin’ stupid—and you know you just 
blew his mind. 


him 
comes 


ing to 


PLAYBOY: How much are you gi 
re you? 
"t say I'm not gonna 


miss all that—or 
SIMPSON: Oh, I cai 
football; ГЇЇ miss it, Jack. But the 
cold fact of the matter is that I'm gonna 
have to miss it, because T have no choice 
in the matter. If I couldn't have played 
this season, it would've been tougher to 
take, but eventually, you reach a point 
where you just can’t play anymore. Once 
an athlete reaches that point of no re- 
turn—and I'm not far from it—he real- 
izes he’s gonna have to retire. So I've 
icd to prepare myself for it. I've been 
watching other guys who've left the 
and T've tried to evaluate where they 
now, I've alo thought about whether I 
could ever reach the same level in an- 
other profession that I've reached in 
football, and that's a tough one to an- 
swer. But whatever happens, I think TH 
be able to handle it. even though you 
never know how you'll react to anything 
ppens. I guess the only thing 1 
сап finally do is look back on what I did 
and be happy for it, And I am. I always 
enjoyed football and 1 think the guys I 

ayed with and against will remember 
me as a pretty good dude. In terms of 

i membered as а p ly 
think that if the game endures, then TI 
endure. Hey, I'm more than wi 
seule for that. 

E 


are 


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Where others seek mere 
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He smokes for pleasure. 

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fiction By JOYCE CAROL ORIES 


the first murder of the 
new year always draws more 


publicity than any of the ordinary, 
routine murders that follow. 


versity, the fist 
dt this newye involved one of > 355 
ist distinguished newer menkes ofthe 
nghsH department, 
-Glat& Pembroke Austen ИГ came tó Hilberry: by 
way eL cirenirons and rather puzzling route; Harvard, 
ford Louherehe wasi Rliodes scholar), Ambierst, 
insylvania and Youngstpwa State 
th his graceful, rather shy good mare 
mers, his impeccable credicyandahe slightly, British 
f hrisspéech.- zhé wassomething ofa 
eatch for Hilberry—gn unpretentious university їйї _ 
souphwestern. Ontario, not Tar from. Niagara Falls, 
Nit an enrolment of about 5000 anda very modest 


coward physical education, ‘herecajled huma 
Much Speculation centered on Cla 
leagues were fasauated: byhim 
ut his teaching: Did 


d, even, a small coterie of stu- 
lark Austen 


and he h 
dents who supported h 
vas another casc ei 
he published his doctoral dissert. 
Stagecraft and Costume Design in Ford's 
“Tis Pity She's а Whorc"—at one of 
the top Ivy League schools, and a re- 
spectable scattering of scholarly critic: 
essay xeellent journals, but he 
seemed to be on a casual, first-name 
basis with eminent scholars in the Ivy 
League, at Oxford and Cambridge and 
even at various European universi 
He dressed beautifully. though rather for- 
pally—in suits with vest, blazers with 
gold buttons, dress shirts and ties. It was 
evident. that his nails were manicured 
regularly, his neckties were in exquisite 
taste and his hair razor-styled so that its 
ather youthful length was not inappro- 
late 405. Rumor 
d it that Clark's shoes were custom- 
ade, sent to him from a Bond Street 
shop in London, In any case, he carried 
himself well, as if constantly aware of an 
audience: he was always friendly. alwi 
d, though sometimes his con- 
ions were strained, even abstract and 
and members of the English 
department remarked to one another that 
there was something "remote" and “туз 
terious" about him. Frank Ambrose, the 
department's only black man, and one of 
the few men in the entire university who 
dressed with the quiet and expensive 
ich Clark dressed. said 


PLAYBOY 


priate for 
h 


versa 
perfunctory. 


Bib din The [лыйм Kota or 
noon, but, still. there was somethii 
quite secretive about the man. "Any 
one from the Ivy League who winds up 


at a university like Hilberry has got to 
have 


some reason for iL" Frank said 


the first, however, Clark was 
popular with his colleagues. He had a 
ain style, having been born in Boston 
of evidently quite well-to-do parents, and 
he was a delightful conversationalist 
when relaxed. alter a few drinks; more- 
over, he showed his gratitude profusely— 
and even a kind of sweet humility—by 
complimenting his hosts on their lovely 
homes and charming children and deli- 


cious food. Sometimes he took а dozen 
roses, sometimes a bottle of Scotch or an 
excellent wine. "He's really very айгас- 
e" the wives said, as guing a 
subtle point. Indeed, he had a sort of 
wg greengray eyes 

noble nose and mouth rather 


the fattish contours of his fac: 
as noted that he could drink 
kable quantity of alcohol before he 
started to show May. 
the dep open 
house in September at which, it was esti 
mated, Clark drank at least five mai 
106 before his speech became slurred; а 


even then, he grew more and more gra 
cious, more courtly. He complimented 
his hostess at great length, as if he'd 
never seen anyone so beautiful. “That 
dress is so becoming. Mrs. May, I've never 
seen such lustrous, healthy hair—such an 
exquisite a 
to believe that you're really the mother 
of three growing boys, it’s just wonden 
ful, just... just surpassingly wonderful! 
The poor woman stood there by the 
bullet table, plain Joanna May, blushing, 
confused, embarrassed. Clark took an- 
other drink and self-consciously joined a 
small group of men who were discussing 
the phenomenon of popular culture and 
its consequences for English 


studies: 
Were King Lear and Peanuts mutually 
exclusive or were they, perhaps, part of 

me creative expression, the “human 


politely, but he said noth 
drink quickly 

e Hanley, who stood ne: 
that his skin-l 
matter of seconds. 


ng: he finished 
n It was said afterward 
st him, 
“1 gone dead-white in а 
He interrupted. the 
intellectual discussion by pointing to 
Eunice Ambrose and Marcella Blass, on 
the far side of the room, both of whom 
wore long dresses with floral prints and 
ropes of pearls. “Flowered skirts . . . 
flowered skirts and pearls and . . . and 
perfume," Clark said very slowly. “What 
does it те What docs it mean?" 
When no one answered. he narrowed 
his eyes to slits, pulled out his cheeks and 
made a face that could only be called— 
so cveryone ppened to see 
I—incredulous. Не waited moment. 
then s j» even slower voice, gest 
ig with his forefinger, “I say flowered 
skirts and pearls and perfume and open- 
toed shoes 1 shaved legs and shaved 
armpits and. . . . I say, What do they 
mean? What . . what do they mean?" 

Then he staggered, set his glass down, 
complained of being suddenly dizzy. Of 
course, everyone came forward to help. 
Mrs. M. ked if he might like to lie 
down for а few minutes, in one of the 
upstairs bedrooms; Brian Packer olfered 
to drive him back to his apartment, since 
he and his wife were about to leave 
way. “Yes, thank you very much, il 
you very, very much,” Clark whispered. 

I do think it’s time for me to go 
home.... 

After the Packers drove off with Clark, 
everyone talked about what an extraor- 
dinary thing to 
Austen suddenly so drunk, his skin lard. 
ish-pale, his eyes glassy and tiny and 
somehow—this was most terrifying of 
Il —omehow noi quite human. Dr. May 
had been out of the room at the time of 
Clark's peculiar metamorphosis. so it had 
to be demonstrated for him. Jake Hanley 
tried but was too grossly melodramatic: 
ank Ambrose, himself tle dr 
nerved up and witty. did a much better 


imitat 
course it wasn't а laughi 
Шу very strange, very ur 
sad, 

They talked of little else but 
n for the rest of the evening 
st persons to 1 
Saying good night to the М 
Ambrose suddenly ran a 
head, as if he lı 
thing incredible. "Do you suppose—look. 
do you suppose that poor bastard doesn't 
know he's queer?” Frank cried. 

. 

Almost immediately, Br 
Packer took up Clark's 
the Packers were from 
therefore supposed themselves sophisti 
ted, they were eager to befriend Cl 
he was a remarkable man, 
insisted, far more itive th most. 
ind he was lonely, Very lonely. Large 
groups upset him, Nat id, but he 
very much at home with the Packers: 
they were, after all, the only people in 
the department to have permanent. or 
ders at a downtown newsstand for the 
Sunday New York Times. Clark loved 
the ballet as much as the Packers did. 
and he was ecstatic over Na. s cooking 
and genuinely fond of the Packers’ tw 
poodles—large, rather flabby white dogs 
late middle age—so it came about. 
quite naturally. that the three of them, 
V; words. constituted an "oasis" 
of sorts in the midst of. Hilberry's gen 
eral mediocrity. 

Brian Packer was 
30s. with 


on. Everyone laughed, though of 
g matter; it was 
fortunate. Very 


and N 
cause, Be 
Toronto, 


a tall, frail man in 
wistful, sweer, che 
list in Vth Century 
lie 
d tried 
to inspire him to write critical esays— 
so that, someday, they could return to 
i Everyone liked 


dly five feet tall. c 
ive, with a loud. 
laugh. she s 
nd 1 projects, 
One year it was harp lessons; another 
year, pottery: still another year, she de 
cided ıo enroll in the master's program 
sociology at the university but dropped 
out midway because of a violent quarrel 
she had with one of her professors. in 
front of an е cla 1 an is 
idio! A idiot" she cried. 
month bout. to faculty v 
meet es, telling everyone who 
would listen, induding friends of thc 
professor, what an idiot he was. “A crea 
ture like that should be fired immedi 
ed. She wrote letters to 
ities and to the presi 
university, but naturally, 
done: Hilberry was such a 
what else could she and 


e. lusty 


E 


For 
ves 


total 
she went 
ngs, to part 


the dean of hu 
the 


dent of 
nothing 
diocre pl 
Brian expec? 


(continued on page 120) 


“With me getting older, the winters getting colder, 
toy materials and labor costs going up and up, 
kids becoming more cynical and demanding—believe me, 
if itweren't for this stop, my dears. ...” 


107 


"pee ESTE: 


| iiim 
[ШЇ 


MERRY 


CHRISTMAS 
HOM THE 
COLONEL 


memoir 


By 


DICK GREGORY 


with JAMES R. MCGRAW 


in which mr. gregory talks turkey with some high 
level friends and brings off an airlift to mississippi 


^ COUPIE OF DAYS before Thonks- 
giving 1964, | wos getting reody 
to boord о plone in Jockson, 
Mississippi, when one of the 
SNCC kids osked, “When we 
gonno see you ogoin, Greg?" 

1 automatically answered, “ГЇЇ 
be bock Christmas.” 

I hod in mind spending Christ- 
mos in Mississippi with rny wife 
ond kids. On the plone to New 
York, 1 got to thinking, "Maybe 
we could toke Christmos dinner 
down with us ond eot it with 
some needy family." My thoughts 
kept rolling: "Why just one 
dinner ond one fomily? Why not 
toke o turkey dinner to os many 
needy Mississippi fomilies os pos- 
sible?" By the time my plone 
londed, 1 hod mode a private 
promise to toke 20,000 turkeys to 
Mississippi on Christmas Doy. 

Гуе alwoys hod o thing about 
hunger. If | hove с hobby other 
than track, | suppose it's feeding 
hungry folks. My eorliest involve- 


ment in the civil rights movement 
in the South reflected that con- 
cern. In retaliotion ogainst black 
voter 
County, Mississippi, white officiols 
had stopped possing out free 
Federal-surplus food to poor 
folks, cloiming they could no 
longer afford the $37,000 а yeor 
for storoge ond distribution. | hit 
the streets of Chicogo ond col- 
lected 14,000 pounds of food 
ond personolly delivered it to 
Greenwood, the county seot 

1 felt that Mississippi wos the 
key to the civil rights struggle, 
especiolly in the North. Missis- 
sippi wes o symbol in the block 
community. Northern blocks 
made blocks from Mississippi the 
butt of jokes ond put-downs. 
Mississippi hod a strangle hold 
on the minds of oll blocks; 
whenever there wos o lynching, 
for example, everybody thought 
immediately of Mississippi, even 


registrotion in Leflore 


though there were lynchings in 109 


PLAYBOY 


no 


oul tes. Feeding hungry Mississip- 
pians at Christmas would go а long way 
toward removing the lingering fears still 


plaguing the black community. 

I knew I would have to go public with 
my privare. promise if I were w find а 
way to get those turkeys 10. Mississippi 
The highly touted return match between 
Sonny Liston and. Muhammad. Ali (then 
called пу by most fans and. 
sportswriters) was coming up in Boston. 1 
figured if I could get each of the two 
s to buy 10,000 turkeys, ГА be home 
I phoned Sonny Liston and got 
tive OK. I then laid thc 
who thought it sounded gr 

My next call was to. columnist. Drew 
Pearson. Now that 1 had the financing (I 
thought), 1 needed an organization to 
ve the project stability and respec 
bility. Drew had recently gone through 
conversion. experience. Earlier in the 
year, he had written a column criticizing 
ton Powell and others: 


idea on 


П 


me to мау out of Mississippi. 
Then Drew made the mistake of goiug 
to Misisippi himself. All of a sudden, 
new thoughts, new attitudes and new 
opinions started appearing under his by- 
line. One beautiful column related his 
experience of sharing sweet-potato pie 
with a Mississippi sharecropper family. I 
figured. the time was ripe to get him in- 
volved—while he could still taste that pie! 
I got Drew on an airport phone in 
Kansas City. His first words were, "Dick, 
I must tell you that you were right and 
I was so wrong!" What an opener! I hit 
him with the idea of 20,000 turkey: 
Mississippi. When 1 hung up, Drew Pi 
son w cochai ot commi 
called. Chrisu i. Imme- 
diately, the project be xempt— 
taken under the wing of America's Con 
cience Fund, i 
t was under the leadership of Drew 
son and Harry Truman 
In his next column, Drew began plug. 
p the idea. He d 
a wealthy oilm 
l of McComb, Missis 
ad identified him as a Ku 
member and Thornhill was wr 
set the record straight. He said he had 
broken with the Klan al-er it dropped the 


first three bombs. ‘hurches. Thornhill 
insisted that he had always enjoyed good 
Dusit tionships with “coloreds” 


me with ‘em. 
a suggestion in 


his 


column: 


Probably there is no man in 
America, even. Representative Adam 
Clayton Powell, who is more hated 
by the Ku Klux Klan than Dick 
Gregory. He has given up. perform- 
ance fees of more than 56000 a week 


to raise money lor the 
Movement in Mississippi 
wher 

Likewise, there is no organization 
more hated by Dick Gregory than 
the Ku Klux Klan. 

However, if a man who has now 
renounced the Klan, such as Emmett 
Thornhill, would join in Dick Greg. 
отуз drive to give turkeys to the less 
privileged. people of Mississippi 
both white and black—it would 
prove beyond any possible doubt that 
he means what he says about a f. 
break for Negroes. 

Furthermore, and е more 
м. it would prove that 
ns сап rise above personal 
prejudice. 


reedom 
and else- 


Art Steuer, who'd been a friend since 
interviewed me for an. Esquire article 
с years before, and I flew to Boston 
to tightea up details with Sonny and A 
only to find management on both si 
locked in a clinch that looked like it 
wouldn't be broken. I returned to New 
York discouraged, knowing that some- 
thing was going to happen to call off the 
fight. The next day's sports page told the 
ight champion 
had di: hernia "the size of a 
small lemon," which the examiners just 
happened to miss a couple ol days car- 
lier. The fight had to be postponed. 
Whatever the tuti was about the fight 
cancellation, my 20,000 turkeys—along 
h countless bookies—had flown the 
coop. 

Bui the idea, I decided, 
let go. I had an organiza 
chairman, so I decided to do it myself— 
with a litle help from 
ured we could raise the money 
through street donations and a 
benefit show. With the latter in mi 
I paid a visit to the New York € 
townhouse residence of Sammy Davis Jr. 
who was then starring on Broadway in 
Golden Boy. 1 was ushered into the liv- 
ing room and told that Sammy would be 
right down. Pretty soon he descended the 
Sammy seemed а bit 
nervous, d 1 could understand his 
on. He didn't know if u 
social call or if ме 
to integrate а lunch counter in Alabama. 
Besides, he was already 45 minutes over 
due at The Tonight Show, where he was 
guest host for the evening. It wa 
never, so I laid my turkeysdor-N 
idi 


5 too big to 


big 
d. 


now or 


Aric Crown Theater, McCormick Place, 
Chicago, on. Sunday evening, December 
20. 1 could see those turkeys come flying 
k to the roost! 

Art and I flew to Chicago to st 
ball тош The citys leading r 
television and newspaper. personalities 


t the 


picked up the turkey banner and we 
were given office space by Leo Rugen 
dorf, a supermarket owner in. Chicago's 
South Side black community. 1 was criti 
cired for accept se people were 
saying Leo was involved with the Mafia. 
But his store was located in the heart of 
the black community: the legitimate side 
of his operation was making money for 
black people: and 1 desperately needed 
office space! [ was sure I could use the 
facilities without gi mixed up with 


My perso: 

Sunday afters 

me to attend 1 on Michigan 
Avenue recital was in progress whe 


1 arrived: there were only а lew people 
in the dark recital hall and а magnifi 
cent tenor was singing onstage. 1 found 
out Tater that he was one of Italy's most 
famous singers and the "family" brow 
him over cach year for а private re 
Afterward, we went upstairs for 
party. I was taken to meet somebody 
special. It was Tony Accardo. I knew the 
name, of course, from his Mafia reputa- 
tion. Tony was reminded of my 
Christmas-lor-Mississippi project. He said, 
“Oh, yeah. 1 heard about that. I like it 
Good program. Help your people. Help 
your pcople 
Know » Accardo was and what 
he stood for, 1 really didn't want to talk 
to him about anything. So I walked away 
A priest came over to me, obviously 
drunk. Filled with the spirits, the 
said thickly, “Dick Gregory, I want 19 
tell you something. You're а very likable 
guy, but you're moving too f 
I was d. I said, "V 
You're you're in the 
Tony Accardo and 
yhatever you think about my 
activities, don't say nothing to me until 
you go over there and tell Tony Accardo 
nd his Mafia henchmen about their 
way 
The priest sputtered, “That's what 1 


Dick 


mean. Thats the attitude there that’s 
going to get you killed. 
mily” s me over and 


y a good job. 
You don't 
bout getting those tur 
We'll take care of that for you." 
I played ignorant. “Well, how? Christ 
mas is only a few weeks awa 
We have our ways. 
“Well, I suppose you're talkin’ about 
hijackin’ the turkeys like y'all do whiskey 
Fm taking those turkeys down 10 poor. 
honest folks in Mississippi. It would 


We like what you're doit 
have to worry 
ke 


leave a bad taste in my mouth to feed 
them with stolen turkeys.” 1 left the 
party. 

Jim McGraw, a minister friend, was 


one of the special people 1 called upon 
d personal support, along 
(continued on page 278) 


PORTFOLIO: 


POMPEO 
POSAR 


highlights of a playboy 
lensman's 16-year love affair 
with the ladies 


то FAITHFUL readers of PLAYBOY, the name 
Pompeo Posar is synonymous with the 
glamor that comes from 16 years of photo- 
graphing thousands of gorgeous ladies— 
often in some of the world’s most exotic 
locales. He holds the record both for 
Playmate shootings (45) and for PLAYBOY 
covers (88). His ability to capture Ше 
woman he’s photographing as a person 
rather than as a prop is legendary. Born 
in Trieste, Posar is still very Continental 
sensitive, considerate, patient and enthusi- 
astic—and it shows in his work. Here, we 
present positive evidence of Posar's excep- 
tional picture-taking talent. 


Left: Cyndi Wood caught by Posar in 
nought but the boa she wore for her 
June 1974 cover. Above: A spectacu- 
lar view from Pompco's head of Susan 
Kiger—next month's Playmate. 


Left: Hoboken's claim to fame— 
besides “Оп the Waterfront" — 
is Janet Lupo, whom Posar 
spotted. while photographing 
the “Bunnies of 75." At first 
reluctant to pose, she later went 


on to stardom as Miss November 


of 1975—the same issue in which 
the Bunny story appeared. 
Janet's comment: "Being naked 
with Pompeo was as natural as 
undressing for my doctor.” 


Left: Posar created November 
1965's striking James Bond cover 
by placing model Beth Hyatt by 
a bucket of dry ice back-lit by a 
strobe and from the front by a 
floodlight. Below: Eva Maria 
caused quite a tear in March 
1975's pictorial “Ripped Off”; 
Posar snapped her here relaxing 
after the shooting—a tug of war 
with a male model over hey night- 
ie. We think you know who lost. 


Above: The ample dimensions of December 1968 
Playmate Cynthia Myers were delightfully captured by 
Posar in this gatefold test shot. Below: To photograph 
“The Erotic World of Salvador Dali" (December 1974), 
Posar stayed at Dali's villa in Spain, depicting 

on film the surrealistic landscape of Dali's mind. 


Right: On location for “The Girls 
of Munich,” Posar discovered 
Anulka Dziubinska in a shopping 
arcade and convinced her to 

pose for Playmate test shots. Asa 
result, she became Miss May of 
1973, later was cast in the Ken 
Russell film “Lisztomania.” Below: 
“She doesn't have to be naked to 

be sexy" was Posar's comment on 
Donna Michelle, 1963's immense- 
ly popular Playmate of the Year. 


Left: In New Orleans, Posar 
lest-shot a local Bunny, 
Brandi Peters, as Playmate. 
Although she never graced 
our centerfold, her shots 
were kept on fileand she 
now makes her debut. 


Left: Posar's famous Cyndi Wood centerfold (February 1973); the dress 
she almost wore originally appeared in a Fred Astaire| Ginger Rogers 
movie. Above: While talent-scouting the Caribbean for a “Girls of” 
feature, Posar spotted fetching Linda Carlsen in a hotel lobby; a beach 
rendezvous revealed additional charms. Below: Posar's photos of Playboy 
staffer Kim Komar ran in our August 1975 issue. She describes 

him as being “appealingly shy and disarmingly stubborn.” 


Above: Posar apily de- 
scribes this view of 
former Playboy Jet 
Bunny Carole Green 
as a “grab shot"—one 
that's meant to keep 
you coming back for 
more. He comments 
that "Photographing 
Bunnies is demand- 
ing, because a single 
photographer has to 
produce a lot of ma- 
terial in a short time.” 


“Nothing makesa girl 
feel better when being 
photographed than 
knowing that you're 
confident of herand 
think she's beautiful,” 
says Posar. That they 
are beautiful can be 
attested to by these 
pictures of December 
1971 Playmate Karen 
Christy (left) and 
Playmate prospect 
Lisé Kaiser. 


PLAYBOY 


\ 
GY (continued from page 106) 


Natalie insisted that Clark come for 
dinner two or three times а week, She 
insisted that he bring things to be 
mended, if he had any; and she sent him 
back to his apartment—in a cold, regal. 
expensive high-rise north of the cam- 
pus—with plastic containers filled with 
leftovers. She was convinced he didn't 
eat right, being a bachelor. He drank too 
much, she said bluntly—bluntness was 
one of Natalie's deliberately cultivated 
virtues—and he had poor eating habits 
and at times his shoulders slumped, as 
if he were very unhappy. While Brian 
corrected student papers at the dini 
room table, Natalie and Clark sat in the 
living room, sipping espresso and talking 
earnestly about innumerable import 


d his ignor 
four vain. selfish sisters, his frank opin- 
ion of Hilberry—it was truly mediocre, 
wasn't it? us individuals in 
the depa They were so lazy and 
pathetic, weren't they? And, of course. 
these people gossiped. Constantly. Natalie 
had been amazed at the amount of gos- 
siping and backbiting that went on at 
Hilberry; it was so contrary to her own 
nature, and foreign to her own experi 
ence, that she had had difficulty adjusting 
to life here. Even now, six years after 
Brian’s appointment, she could not quite 
believe how vicious her husband's col- 
leagues and their smug, dowdy wives 
could be. 
Don't let them hurt you,” she said 
warmly. "Don't ever let those small- 
minded people hurt you, Clark." 
“Why, how would they hurt me? 
Clark asked, surprised, 
‘Well—you know. 
"Ede. at 
"hey re narrow-minded, they're hope- 
lesly bourgcois," she said. Though she 
was a small woman, her face was rather 
large; it had, somehow, a creased, mus- 
cular look, as if she were continually 
tensing her forehead and cheeks. When 
she was especially excited, as she was 
now, her glasses began to ride down her 
nose. Clark liked her—he was sure he 
liked her. She was so intense, so intelli- 
gent, so different from the other faculty 
wives. . . . He was sure he liked her, 
though at times she intimidated him. 
They simply tolerate people who 
re different from them: they're right- 
wing prigs, believe me. So don't ever let 
those fools get you dow 
Clark tried to smile. His forehead was 
damp. his toes and fingers were twitch- 
ing helplessly. What on earth was this 
ful woman saying . . . ? 
"I'm not sure 1 understand,” he said 


120 rather йу. 


"Oh, Clark, for Christ's sake." Natalie 
laughed. "You needn't pretend with us. 
ds, aren't we? You know 
we are! . . . Look, perfectly all 
right; Brian and I lived in Toronto for 
years. We quite approve of alternate 
lifestyles. We've always been totally lib- 
eral. And 1 mean liberal! It doesn't mat- 
ter to us, Clark, not one bit” 

“What doesn't matter to you ... 2” 

1t was at that point, Natalie said after- 
, that Clark fixed her with such a 
strange, malevolent look . . . so coldly 
vicious a look .. . that she faltered and 
could not speak. He had had only two 
drinks, and yet his eyes were glazed; 
there was a frightening, almost demonic 
air about him. And how quickly it had 
happened... . 

"Why, why. . . . Clark, you look so 
angry . .." she stammered. 

"You horrible squat creature,” Clark 
whispered, “You . . . you runtish little . . . 
ugly little runtish little sow.” 

He rose from the sofa. He got h 
He left. 

For days afterward, Natalie talked of 
nothing else. She went to visit other 
faculty wives, she made telephone calls, 
she dramatized again and again Clark 
Austen's terrifying metamorphosis, some 
times breaking into tears. How awful it 
had been, how totally unexpected! They 
had been such warm, intimate friends, 
and then he had turned on her! For no 
reason! No reason! Brian tried to calm 
her. but she refused to be calmed. “ 
have never in my life been so frightened, 
she told Joanna May, whom she met in 
the A & P. “The man looked at me as if 
he was about to strangle me. I'm not 
exaggerating! His face was twisted, hi 
voice was guttural and inhuman. . . . 


coat. 


While walking the poodles, she saw 
Eunice Ambrose driving by and shouted 
after her, waving her arms so energeti- 
cally that Eunice had no choice but to 


stressing the rapidity of his change, the 
totally unexpected nature of his hostilit 
“He hates women, of course. 1 should 
have known that. In а way, I did know. 
But I was trying to be generous, trying to 
be liberal. It was such a shock! Such a 
blow! One minute we were the best of 
friends and the next, he had turned on 
те... called me an ugly little runtish 
n you imagine? 

atalie, he didn't! A what 
nd I stayed up all night alter- 
ward, literally shaking. Shaking with fear 
that h ht come back. Brian isn't very 


strong, you know. These things upset 
him. When we looked back over our re- 
lationship, we could see how Clark was 


primarily interested in Brian: He was 
always asking Brian about his classes, 
about his students, about where he bought 


his clothes. That sort of thing.” Natalie 
shivered dramatically. “I have absolutely 
nothing against homosexuals. I never 
have. Some dislike women—are afraid of 
us, 1 suppose—but 1 sympathize with 
them, Ein һе. 
Ви 1 this is something I 
worked out for myself, and Brian agrees 
that I'm right—the freakish thing about 

sten is that while he knows very 
well he isn'ta normal man, he imagines— 
the poor fool imagines!—that the rest of 
us arc deceived. That is his sea 

“He thinks... 

“He thinks no one knows he's qu 
Natalie said angrily. 

. 

By midwinter, Clark had gained at 
least ten. pounds and his stylish clothes 
were tight on him, and rumpled-looking, 
and he scemed to have a perpetual cold. 
Frank Ambrose, whose office was next to 
his, complained that the man was always 
snuffling and whee: па clearing hi 
throat. Though it was said that his stu. 
dents liked him—he was evidently quite а 
good lecturer and had a beautiful reading 
voice lor Shakespeare—he seemed rather 
unhappy at Hilberry. He sent a note of 
apology to Natalie Packer, but it was so 


absurdly hypocritical, Natalie said, so 
falsely obsequious and groveling. that 
she'd ripped it up immediately. “God, how 


I abhor effeminate men!” Natalie said. 
Her stories about Clark involved now 
not only the ugly circumstances of their 
last evening as friends but other matters 
entirely: Clark's miserable childhood. his 
nvy and hatred of his four beautiful 
sisters, the probability—she would swear 
to it, really—that he had been fired from 
i g positions. and his 
g opinion of the Hilberry 
faculty (the place was a “hotbed of medi- 
ocrity.” in Clarks own words). Worst of 
all, in Nata „ was the man's 
pathetic selfdeception: as if everyone 
didn't know fully well what he was! 
“I though 't mind homosex- 
id. 
mind. I certainly 
don't. But Clark Austen is a hypocrite 
And he's sick: the 


man is really 
Nearly everyone detested Natalie, how: 
ever much they liked Brian: they repeated 
to one another, in scandalized delight. 
Ugly little runtish sow! Didn't that de- 
scribe their Natalie perfectly? By contrast. 
poor Clark seemed quite harmless. And he 
was lonely. It was pathetic, really, how 
lonely he was. Taking pity on him, Frank 
Ambrose stopped by his office late one 
afternoon. He was conscious of the man's 
transparent g someone should 
say hello; Clark's face actually seemed to 
light up. He asked Frank to have a seat, 
please. Please do! Would he like some 

collec: Some tea? 
(continued on page 282) 


Re 
5. 


j^ 


“ 


america's foremost writer adapts į. К. huysmans' satanic classic "la-bas" for the screen 


SCREENPLAY BY 


NORMAN MAILER 


E SEEPARIS On an autumn 

evening. We sense the 

period: It must be about 

1890. Pavements are wet 

mist. Carriages go by. 

We follow Durtal, a writer in his carly 
40s, He has dark hair and a pale com- 
plexion, mustache and goatee. He enters 
a house, rings at a first-floor apartment, 
is received by a servant, offers up hat 


-plus a portrait of the host, Chantelouve, 
three quarter length, his hand resting on 
a pile of his works. Chantelouve д 
rotund, with a wellfed stomach, red а 
checks, long hair drawn-up in crescents | 
along his temples, smoothshaven. His _ 
wile, standing for a moment next to 
is considerably younger Шап himself, a 
blonde. with: marvelous eyes, alternately 
“cold and gleaming with sparks, thin sen- 
14, Suous lips. She is voluptuous for a slim 
ر‎ woman and remote from the company, 
e E if bored with her duties as a hostess. 
o Chantrelouve: "What an. honor! You 
- are becoming е тох! famous recluse in 
Pani: aes К 


“On the contrary. Nobody i 
ic out. Fame has a way of walking — 
“around my books.” 

c Chantelouve: "Everybody assures me 
; you are a marvelous writer. 
„7 Duttal looking around the room, 1 
takes in the throng now packed into ° | 
Clhantelouve's library and- drawing 2 
‘room and secs a friend. "There's Des 
Jf Hermies,” he says to. Chantelouye’ and 

Ove along. Across the room we see a 
“man who looks out of place. Tall, 
somewhat pale, his cycs have a | 


lue gleam. With his flaxen hair | 


^s«'The:place is а pandemoriuni: One could be look- 
3 ngress of: prostitutes and maniacs A 
19 911 bends over and borks like o dog. 


PLAYBOY 


124 


and Vandyke, he might be а Norweg 
or an Englishman. His garments are of 
London make and the long, tight, wasp- 
waisted coat, buttoned clear up to the 
neck, encloses him like a box. He is very 
cold in the presence of strangers. 

Durtal makes his way toward Des 
Hermies. We sce faces that might belong 
to fined 
атс, 
holars. 
As Dural and Des Hermies sh 
hands formally to greet each other, 
Hermies for the first time shows a friend- 
ly expression, “Never go to a party given 
tholic histori 

"| dort know," Dur 
would think a priest comes here 
sk of his reputation." 

Madame Chantelouye joins 

What is the value of a reputatioi 
asks, "if it takes no risksz" She smiles at 
Durtal. “Tell me, if you will, the book 
you are working on noi 

Durtal: “I confess 1 have 


iècle priests, poets, journalists, 
few 


dabblers, occultists, a 


Madame Chantelouve: “He was а sol- 
dicr who fought by the side of Joan 
of Arc through all the campaigns. He was 
her when she w wounded and 


antelouve: "And with her 
п at Reims during the coronation of 
the dauphin. OF course, 1 remember. But 
then, there is something else about him 
that I forget. Something not so nice.” 

Durtal: "Oh, theres a great deal to 
him." 

Des Hermies: “Wasn't he put on trial 
for something obscene and immense? 

Durtal: “All of dh 

Madame Chantelouve 
wait. 

She moves oi 

Des Hermies: "Let's go. I've seen noth- 
ing but patients all day and feel as if 1 
still haven't left the hospital." 

As they leave, we hear M 
telouve say in annoyance 
departure, "The level at which Durtal 
flirts with the Church reminds me of the 
way a prostitute works up to entering a 
brothel. Ah, to be free of the chase and 
come in from the rain. 

А 

Durus apartment А small sining 
room and smaller bedroom. A fire on the 
hearth in the sitting room. 

The place is furnished without luxury. 
The sitting room has been converted 
into a study, Black bookcases crammed 
with volumes hide the walls. In front of 
the window is a large table, a leathei 
chair and a few straight chairs. 

In the study, there is a 
a Crucifixion by Matthias Grünewald. 
As we hear the conversation of Durtal 
and Des Hermies, the titles begin and 
the camera offers us the print to exami 


“I сап hardly 


ch rises before us nailed to а cross 
of rough wood. His arms bend under the 
weight of his body and an enormous 
spike pierces his fect. Almost ripped out 
of their sockets, the tendons of his arm- 
pits seem ready to snap. His fingers are 
contorted, His thighs are greasy with 
sweat. His ribs are like staves. The flesh 
is swollen, blue, mottled h Ileal 
specked with thorns broken off from the 
lashes of his scourging. These thorns 
festeri 


charge oozes from his chest and drips to 
his abdomen and loincloth. His knees 
are forced together, but his lower legs are 
held apart. His feet, however, have been 
scrossed one on top of the other. 
They are turning green where the flesh 
has swollen over the head of the spike. 
His toes show horny blue nails. 

Christ's head, encircled by a broken, 
disarrayed crown of thorns, hangs life- 
less. One eye half opens with а shud- 
der. All the drooping features weep, 
while the mouth is unnerved. Its under- 
jaw laughs atrociously. 

While we look, Durtal is saying, “As 
you see, this is not the Christ of the rich, 
no, not that well-groomed boy with his 
curly brown hair, elegant beard and 
those doll-like features. No, this is the 
man who pandoned by his Father 
to die like a thief in his own putre! 
tion. Yet, for me, this Christ is the Son 
of God.” 

Des Hermies replies. “Did you know 
that after we are dead our corpses are 
devoured by different kinds of worms? 
1t depends on whether you're fat or th 
In [at corpses, the rhizophagous maggot 
is found. In thin corpses, the phora 
an aristocrat, a fastidious maggot that 
sneers at copious breasts and juicy [at 
bellies. It looks for a corpse that is chi 
Just think, no equality, not even in the 
way we feed the worms.” 

Du isn't it enough that you are 
mous for being on intimate terms with 
demonologists, alchemists and cabalists, 
without adding maggots to your list 

Des Hermies: “Dear friend, 1 respect 
the innocence of your heart, for it 
look on this painting every morning and 
then cat breakfast. I go back to the 
womns. There has to be a higher imel- 
ligence that designs different worms for 
the well bred and the obese. Don't look 
for compassion in that. 

“Its not for God to prove the ex- 
istence of compassion,” Durtal answers. 
“Iv is for peopl 

“I agree with yo 


ys Des Hermie: 


“No, you think I'm 


terested only 
ed natures. | know а few who 
are not, Durtal, the time has come to in- 
troduce you to the one marvelous man 1 
know, Louis Carhaix. He's an intelligent 


Catholic who, save us, is not sancti- 
monious. In fact, he is the one human I 
know who is without hatred or envy for 
inyone." 

Last of the titles. 


. 

The Place St-Sulpice: The square is 
almost deserted. A few women are going 
up the church steps, met by beggars who 
murmur prayers as they rattle their tin 
cups. An ecclesiastic, carrying а book 
bound in black cloth, salutes the women. 
А few dogs are running about. Childre 
are jumping r 

We see Durtal and Des Hermics. On 
a stone porch in the flank of the church 
of St-Sulpice, they ard, 
TOWER OPEN ТО Y 

Ac the back, а 
hanging from a ma 
the tower entrance. 

In dose to utter darkness, they climb. 
Turning a corner, Ошка! sees a shalt of 
light, then a door. Des Hermies pulls 
a bell cord and the door swings back 
Above them on a landing they can see 
feet, whether of a man or of a woman, 
they cannot tell. 

“Ah! It's you, Monsieur Des Hermie: 
A woman bends over, so that her head is 
in a stream of light. "Louis is in the 
tower. 

"Permit me to introduce my friend 
Durtal.” 

Du es а bow in the darkness. 

“Ah, monsicur, how fortunate. Louis 
xious to meet you.’ 

Durtal gropes along behind his friend. 
Finally. they come to a barred door, open 
it and find themselves on a balcony 

Beneath them. they can see а for 
midable array of bells hanging from oak 
supports lined with iron straps. The 
dark bell metal looks oiled. Above. in 
the upper abyss, are more bells. There 
a place inside cach, worn by the striking 
of the clapper, that shines golden, 

The bells are quiet, but the wind 
rattles t the shutters, howls along 

ir and whines in the bell 

Suddenly. a light breeze 
I's check. He looks up. The current 
has been set in motion by a great bell 
to get under way. There is 

a crash of sound, the bell gathers mo- 


le kerosene lamp. 
. lights a door to 


mentum. and now the gigantic clapper 
op deafening clamor. The tower 
trembles and the balcony on which 
Durt he floor 
of a railway coach, 


Durtal manages to catch sight of a 
leg swinging out into space and back 
again in one of those wooden stirrups, 
two of which, he notices, are fastened to 
the bottom of every bell. Leaning out so 
that he is almost prone on one of the 
mbers, he finally perceives the bell ring 
cr, dinging with his hands to two iron 
handles and balancing over the gulf. 

Duntal is shocked by the face. Never 


125 


„ Melchior?” 


“Is this wise, 


МА ЧУ 4 
Vie i 
A 


PLAYBOY 


126 board 


has he seen such pallor. The man's eyes 
are blue and bulging, but their expres- 
sion is contradicted by a truculent Kaiser 
Wilhelm mustache. The man seems at 
once a dreamer and a fighter. 

He gives the bell stirrup a last yank 
with his foot and with a heave back to 
the platform regains his equilibrium. 
He mops his brow and descends, smiles 
at Des Hert 

When he learns Durtal's 
shakes hands cordially. 

I have read your books, monsieur. 
I know a man like you can't help falling 
in love with my bells.” 

Once more, they grope up the winding 
stairs in the near dark. Having reached 
the door to the room beneath the tower 
roof, Carhaix stands aside to let them 
pass, They are in a rotunda that is 
pierced in the center by a great circular 
hole that has around it a corroded iron 
railing orange with rust. 

id to lean over,’ 


name, he 


But Durtal feels un 
tow 
vertiginous view of the fall. 

‘They descend and Carhaix, in silence, 
opens a door to a large storeroom, con- 
taining colossal broken statues of saints, 
scaly and dilapidated apostles, Saint 
Matthew legless and armless, Saint Luke 
accomp gmentary stone ox, 
nt Mark. lacking a shoulder and ра 
of his beard, Saint Peter holding up an 
arm from which the hand holding the 
keys is broken oll. 

“What is that over there?” inquires 
Durtal, perceiving, in a corner, an enor- 
mous fragment of rounded metal, like 
half a. gigantic skullcap. On it, dust lies 
thick, and in the hollow are meshes on 
meshes of fine web, dotted with the bodies 
of lurking spiders. 

Ah, monsicur! 


asy. As if drawn 


d the chasm, the camera gives a 


there is fire 
x's mild eyes—"That is the skull 
old, old bell whose like is not cast 
these days. The ring of that bell, mon- 
sieur, was like a voice from heaven." 
Suddenly, he explodes, "Bell ringing is 
a lost art. People will spend thirty thou- 
sand francs on an altar, but mention 
bells and they shrug their shoulders. Do 
you know, Monsieur Durtal, there is 
only one man in Paris besides myself 
who can stil ing chords? Yet there's 
your real sacred musi 

They descend to Carhaix's apartment 
It is a vast room, vaulted, with walls of 
rough stone and lighted by a semicir- 
cular window just under the ceiling. ‘The 
tiled floor is barely covered by 
carpet and the furniture, very si 
consists of a round diningroom table, 
some old armchairs covered with slate 
bluc velvet, a little walnut sideboard on 
which are a few plates and pitchers of 
Breton faïence, and opposite the side- 
little black bookcase, which 


might contain 50 book: 
a place like th 
says, “I would fix it up and work on my 
book and take my time about i 
certainly do like your place.” 
ays the wife, "it's so cold! And 
no kitchen" 

“You can't even drive a nail into the 
Ш to hang things on,” says Carhai 
But I like this place too." 

Des Hermies rises. All shake hands 
and Monsieur and Madame Carhaix ask 
Durtal to come aga 


. 

"What refreshing people!” exclaims 
Durtal as he and Des Hermies cross the 
square. “But why is an educated man 
that working as а day laborer 

“If Carhaix could hear you!" says Des 
Hermies, "You'd be in trouble. He lives 
for the bells. They're human to him. A 
bell, he told me, is baptized like a 
Christian, Then it’s anointed with seve 
unctions of the oil of the infirm, in order 
message to the dying. Accord- 
ing to Carhaix, bells, like fine wines, 
mellow with age and lose their raw 
flavor.” 


‘The conversation is still with Durtal 
as he goes to bed. He hears Carhaix say- 
ing, "The ring of the bells is your real 
As he lies in bed in his 
I bedroom, the moonlight of Paris 
is coming through his window. The 
sound of the bells starts up in his mind. 
He drifts on their sounds into a dream 
of a slow procession of monks kneeling 
to the call of the Angelus. Chimes sound 
over narrow medieval streets, over cornet 
towers and dentilated walls. The chimes 
shout Prime and Tierce, call out Sext. 
None, Vespers and Complin. 

It is here in Durtal’s dream that wi 
receive our first view of Joan of Arc, and 
she is astride the stirrups that rock the 
bell in the tower of a church. Her feet 
are in the ropes like those of Carha 
the bell ringer, so that she is alternately 
suspended over space and virtually em- 
bracing the bell. The sound of the bell 
becomes, ideally, married to our first 
ht of her face. She is lovely, but in no 
delicate fashion, handsome and strong 
as а rich peasant, not male nor female 
so much as quintessentially athletic, with 
a bright and smiling face, and perl 
by such measure five centuries ahead of 
her time. Her sexuality has be 
simple and as separate from herself as the 
force of her vigor, and her 
natural force apparent to us in the pow- 
erful reverberations of the bell—part of 
its resonance seems to come out of the 
gusto of her body. 

As the bells stop, she calls down mer 
rily to the market place below. “I told 
you I could ring them," she cries out. 
“Once our bell ringer at Domremy 
slipped and the bell sliced off his le; 


what a sound it made when the leg hit 
the ground"—she makes а thwooping 
sound with her tongue, not crude but 
all too comlortable, a soldier's sound— 
s the only one the curé could get 
to climb up into the tower. The boys 
were afraid." She gives a great la 


surprisingly auractive. 

At the foot of the tower is Gilles de 
Rais. He is 25, also vigorous, a robust, 
active man immaculately dressed in light 
mor. His face is angelic 
His body is carnal i He is un- 
ably ha а man—as de- 
scribed by contemporaries—"of stri 
beauty and rare elegance." If he i 
lighted with the sight of Joan swinging 
on the bell, she is also, by his measure, 
him. He quits the sold 
ing beside him and starts to climb. 
n his reverie, Durtal is looking down 
the fall again from Carhaix’s tower at 
St.Sulpice and again fecls the abysmal 
vertigo he has known that afternoon. He 
shudders in his bed. The image of his fall 
coalesces into the fall below Gilles and 
Joan, and we see them on opposite sides 
of the bell. ringing it back and forth. 
Since the bell is massive enough to pro- 
vide stirrups on either side, they offer it a 
powerful momentum, sufficiently intense 
to suggest that union acrobats can know. 

Gilles takes it further. He leaps out of 
the stirrups. races around the circular 
atwalk and jumps to grasp the bell rope 
above her hands. She immediately frees 
one of her feet to allow him a stirrup, 
and in this position, facing cach other. 
leg in a stirrup and the other 
over the abyss, each holding with one 
rm to the rope, they toll the bell, faces 
three inches apart. 

"I've come to claim a kiss," says Gilles. 
Never.” 

Vot even for the bravest man in 
France?" 
TIl give you a kiss after we take 
Paris—il I give any man a kiss.” 

She is looking iuto the face of a dia- 


bclic 


nk 
ve 


) says Gilles. 
of me as a girl. Leave a kiss on this br 
girl's lips." 
‘Youre n 
I'd sooner 

"You do,” he says. 
mps to the catwalk and tries to 
He jumps as well and they 
wrestle on near to equal terms, their ar- 
mor thumping comically ist each 
other. As they come to a stop, he is in 
the midst of a speech he has not expect- 
ed 10 make and сап no longer control. 
Half muttered, half. growled, the words 
and sounds of a lover near to burned 
out of his senses come forth in a riprace 
of confession. "I could cat you. I could 
drive my hands through your body. 1 
(continued on page 132) 


is а girl 


id. 1 wouldn't 


the bizarre excesses of history's 
most notorious swordsman are brilliontly caught 
on film in federico fellini's 


CASANOVA 


What prompts a director to undertake a praject 
the size of Fellini's Casanova—a film 

that took three years and cost $10,000,000? 
According to the maestro, “I made 

the film because І signed the contract. 1 
didn't read Casanova’s Memoirs until after 
I'd signed. When I did, | wos immediately 
overcome with а sense of giddiness . . . with 
the mortifying impressian that I'd made a 
false mave. It may not have been love ot 
first sight, but by the time Fellini fin- 

ished filming, he had created а work that 
was worthy of the master. 


Fellini chose Canadian actor Donald Suther- 
land to play the world’s most famous lover 
(the two are shawn at left). His reason 

was typically Italian: The actor's face 

was completely alien ta the conventional 
idea that people have of Casanava. Therefore, 
“He's the only one passible in the warld.” 
Sutherland spent up to six hours each morning 
getting made up. Was it worth it? “I 

could go on like this for the rest of my 

life, making Casanova with Fellini." With 
co-stars such as Margareth Clementi (left) and 
Tina Aumont (right), it's easy to see why. 


127 


i read Casanovo's escapades in а rage, tearing out whole pages. “There 
Only dust raining dawn upon you. They contain 
геп, trees ond adjectives. Casanova roamed the 
whole world and it is as if he never left his bed." He was tao busy. Shown at left 
‘are some of the scenes Fellini left intact: a visit to o Turkish bath with o young 
prince, а capulatory contest at the palace of Lord Talau, a complicated evening 
with a worldly nun end o bewildering encounter with Borbarina (Chesty Morgan). 


is nothing in the Memoi 
nothing of nature, animals, chil 


Margareth Clementi (shawn here) is half 
French and half Vietnamese. She plays 
Maddelenc, а nun who has mostered 

39 sexual positions. She reports thet 
working with the maestro was marvelous. 
"^| felt | wos doing the love scenes with 
Fellini more than with Sutherland.“ 


Fellini portrays Casanova os something 

of on erotic robot, devoid of emotion, 
untouched by the people he touches. 

In prison, Cosonovo recalls his post 

loves (the bounteous Barborino, the 
deliquescent Annamaria), but once free, 

he moves оп to new loves—including 

o one-night offair with а cellist 

(second from top). In France, 

he finds protection in the house of 

the Marchianess d'Urfe, o wealthy ald 
necromancer. Financed by her money, 

he engages in one sexual escapade ofter 
encther. An abbot who hos escaped ta 

Paris to marry his young mistress in- 

valves Casanova in о ménage à trois of 

the occult. For on encore, Casanova tries some 
tag-teom wrestling with o troupe of agile 
actresses (seen in the bottom three pictures 
ot for right). Rumors of the wild activity on 
the Fellini set swept Rome, ond an unknown 
thief stole two reels to see far himself. Fellini 
substituted work prints for the missing 
footage, so you won't miss o stroke. 


Tina Aumont, the stunning lady shown here, 
ploys Henriette—one of Cosonavo's 

more memoroble partners. She brings im- 
peccoble credentials to the role, being 

the doughter of Jean-Pierre Aumont and 
Maria Montez, two movie idols of the 
Forties. Of Casanova, she says, “This 
Fellini thing is a deep port of my life 
right now. But | want more. Acting is not 
enough to fulfill ane’s life. You feel 
fobulous while you're doing it, then even 
more drained ond vulnerable afterward. 
To work with Fellini, of course, is fantas- 
tic. I'm modly in love with him. He likes 
10 be amused, to be omusing. | play the 
cello far Federico in the film. People 

оге always saying that he's difficult. 
Just voices. People ore disturbed olways 
by genus. No?" By beauty, also. 


PLAYBOY 


13» ground, res 


k your blood. 
blood and be blessed." 
She shivers. She sees before her Grüne- 
wald’s Christ freed of its frame. It is now 
a man rather than a portrait. As in the 
picture, however. we see the Virgin keep- 
ing watch. Her face 
with weeping. The v 
says to Gilles in a hoarse voice, "I do not 
live in my body, Gilles de Rais, as you 
live in yours.” 
He kneels on the c 
touches his hand to her boot ir 
“You light up a court of rufhans and 
bandits, arouse a cowardly king, pu 
а castle and wash the orgies off black old 
goals. You rouse everybody out of bed 
long enough to fight and even induce 
me to take Communion the morning of 
a battle. Maid of Orleans, fantastic Maid 
of Orleans, I confess 1 love you. 
She looks more troubled. “Once,” Joan 
says, "my Lady told me that I must pro- 
tect the tears of her son from the evil of 
men. ‘Beware of the French; she said, 
Чот they are full of greed, and abhor the 
English, since they are next to Satan. 
“I live just across the sca from Eng- 


Drink your 


ves in 
the air, that quivering presence of the 
Grünewald head. 


. 
We sce the same Cli 
s picture, back in its frame, there on 
the mantelpiece of Durtal’s apartment. 
The author is talking to Des Hermies 
while he pets his cat. “Joan had her vi 
sions, and I must say, 1 am certainly 
beginning 10 have mine. I cannot get 
Gilles de Rais out of my mind. Yet, for 
all my research, | don't begin to com- 
prehend him. A man of such contrasts 
beyond all measure. There's no ques 
tion he had to experience some mystical 
emotion when with Joan. Yet not ten 
years after her death, he is on trial for 
butchering children. Why? To enrich 
his Black Masses, he confesses. Fo bring 


him nearer to the powers of Satan. How 
do you comprehend a total paradox? He 
spoils my sleep. I don't know 


1 can 


manage this book.” 
Des Hermies: 
what's left of hi 
trip to Tiffauges. 
Durtal: “One hundred and forty chil- 
dren, tortured and murdered. What 
frightful nights there must have been.” 
. 


Why don't we visit 
chateau? Let's take a 


Durtal and Des Hermies are walking 
long a country road toward the châ- 
teau. The castle towers over the valleys 
of the Crüme and the Sèvre, 
of granite overgrown with formidable 
oaks and the roots, protruding out of the 
emble nests of snakes. 


(continued from page 126) 


One could believe oneself in medicv 
Brittany. The same melancholy heavy 
sky, the same sun, which seems older 
than in other parts of France, the gloomy 
age-old forest 

One feels this i 
ing soil, these roads, bordered with stone 
walls. One still sees the inhospitable fields 
and aippled beggars on the road, medi- 
eval in their sores and filth. Even thc 
black sheep have blue eyes with a cold, 
pale gleam. The landscape appears un- 
changed through the centuries but for a 
factory chimney in the distance. Within 
the castle walls, traced by the ruins of 
the towers, is a miserable produce garden. 

A thatched hut has been built in a 
corner. The peasant inhabitants move 
only when a silver coin is held up. 5‹ 
ing it, they hand over some keys. 

Durtal points to the cabbages and the 
carrots. “It may interest you," Durtal 
says, irritated by their apathy, “that where 
these vegetables now grow, knights once 
fought in tournaments.” 

Peasant (shakes his head): 
a bad end. 

His wile crosses herself. 

Durtal and Des Hermies enter the 
le. We sec them wandering around 

dimbing the towers. There is 
at at the bottom of which 
huge trees are growing. The wall of the 
dungeon is broken and they can sce into 
it near the foot of the moat. 

Within, one vaulted room succeeds an- 
other, as close together as cabins in the 
hold of a ship. By spiral stairways they 
descend into cellar passageways. 

In these corridors, so narrow two per- 
sons cannot walk along them abrcast, 
they pass cells on whose walls miner: 
salts sparkle in the light of the lantern 
like grains of sugar. There are dungeons 
still beneath. Voices echo here. 

As Durtal and Des Hermies make this 
to sce the soldiers of 
nsparent, 
not wholly corporeal, standing in the 
corridors and up on the summits of the 
towers, as if the past has attempted to 
materialize for a moment. 

The ruins seem to restore themselves. 
‘Transparencies of people in costume be- 
come manifest in the bare rooms. 

The walls reclothe themselves with 
nscots of Irish wood and tapestries of 
d of Arras The hard 
of the courtyard is repaved 
and yellow bricks and black 
roof vaults are 
ossbows on a 
rshal’s cross, sable on 
ning the 
The furnishings returi 
cc. Here 
chairs, sidele 


It came to 


starred with gold 
field azure. The n 


, cach to its 
e high-backed signorial 
ds with carved basreliefs, 


теа 


ра d gilded statues of saints. 
Great beds are reached by carpeted steps. 

Durtal, excited. is speaking all the 
while: "Why, Gilles was dabbling in al- 
chemy long before he even met J 
He knew more about perfumes and wines 
at the age of 20 than anyone alive. He 
was brilliant. Wrote a play at the age of 
16 to celebrate his own wedding to the 
local heiress. Nine у мег: He's with 
п. But there ule known about 
He was supposed 
for days before 
she was burned at the stake. Was he 
plotting her rescue? How could he sur- 
vive her death? And then to come back 
here, to these feasts and these debauches.” 
a great room, The 
guests eat and disport. All men, No wom 
en. Gilles and his friends are not in 
their damaskcened field harness but in 
glittering pleated jackets that belly out 
in а small flounced skirt at the waist. 
The legs are shown in dark skintight 
hose. As they eat, call out, jostle one 
other, stand up and bow, Durtal's voice 
gives us a clue to what the camera sces 
of the bill of fare. 

Duntal: “Beel pies, salmon pies, squab 
tarts, roast heron, stork, crane, peacock, 
bustard and swan; venison in verjuice: 
Nantes lampreys: salads of bryony, hops, 
beard of Judas; vehement dishes seasoned 
with marjoram and mace, coriander and 
sage, peony and rosemary, basil and hys- 
sop—dishes to give one a violent thirst 
and drinks to spur the guests in this 
womenless castle to scandalous frenzies of 
lechery.” 

Durtal has a passing vision of men 
embracing men. 

“OF course, there's also his wife, Cath- 


cars 


n- 


С 


ine of Thouars,” says Durtal. 


have some recollect 
Hermies, "that she was an absolute bitch.” 

“There's a letter from her to the 
Duke of Brittany written just a few years 
alter Joan perished at the stake. In the 


n," says Des 


letter, she complains bitterly of Gilles's 
extra’ ance,’ 
We see an attractive woman (who 


looks somehow famili 
with cc 


т to us). Dressed 
uummate disregard for cost, she 
is speaking to a scribe who takes down 
her words. "My husband possesses a 
grand library with a painter to illumi- 
nate his books. He revels in rich materi 
and dreams of unknown gems, weird 
stones and uncanny metals, All this is 
very expensive. 
As she speaks. we see the panoply she 
describes, and again, this evocation of the 
past sits like an overlay or transparency 
on the ruins of the chateau through which 
Durtal and Des Hermies arc exploring. 
The wife: "He has a guard of 200 men 
and all these people have personal at- 
tendants cently equipped. The 
pel is extravagant. He 
(continued on page 232) 


“And lo think when you asked me back to your place to eat 
organic, I thought you were some kind of health nut!" 


133 


Are You Sexually Liberated Enough to 
Make It with More Than One Person or 
Species at the Same Time 
and If Not, Why Not? 


or, what did you do during the sexual revolution, daddy? 


quiz By BARBARA NELLIS and JAMES R. PETERSEN 


Y IF YOU ANSWERED yes to the title of this quiz, then you are probably liberated. Or weird. Or both. 
\ Don't let that stop you from tackling the rest of the questions presented here. The sexual 
revolution has been going on for decades. We figure that it is time to identify the patriots, 
the victors, the free souls who were there in the vanguard—shoulder to shoulder, thigh to 
thigh,\chest to breast, whatever. You know who you are. If not, take the following quiz 
and find out. We have divided the inquiry into several sections that test your knowledge 
of the basics (different strokes, erogenous zones and sexual accessories), your willingness 


to carry the battle out of the bedroom 
4 onto the beaches, your actual front- 
linc experience and, finally, your over-all 
ability to survive in the man-cat-woman 
world of orgies. The authors would like 
to make it clear that the answers to the 
following questions do reflect the views 
of the management. Good luck. You may 
begin at any time. 

Section One: Different Strokes: И you 
find yourself at an orgy, do you wonder 
about technique? (Let's see, if there are 
18 women present and I spend ten min- 
utes on foreplay with each, it will be 
three hours before I get laid.) There is 
more to sex than dimbing into bed to 
practice the Dead Man's Float atop a pas- 
sive partner. The liberated lover contin- 


uously refines his approach, building a 
repertoire of gestures that express sex- 
Ally his entire personality. His educa- 
tion begins at an carly age: Sneaking 
into his parents’ bedroom, he memorizes 
the good parts of an aged, yellowing copy 
of The Marriage Art, by Dr. John Eich- 
enlaub. (Yes, a handful of crushed ice 
applied to the genitals at the moment of 
climax can heighten an orgasm. It can 
also freeze your balls off.) Later, he dili- 
gently improves his pornographic imag- 
tion by perusing the classics: Hot to 
Trot, Jungle Fever, Teacher's Pet. Or 
he subscribes to Screw and Fetish 
Times. He keeps up with the state of the 
erotic arts by consulting manuals. de- 
signed to enhance the act of love. Have 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY PAT NAGEL 


you read The Joy of Sex, Oragenitalism, 
The Sensuous Woman or The Kama 
Sutra? If you are truly liberated, you w 
probably be able to match the following 
descriptions of technique with the title 
of the works from which they were taken. 
Give yourself one point for each correct 
match. Give yourself another point if you 
have actually tried the technique or had 
it done to you. (Maximum possible 
score: 8.) 

1. “АП the motions of her hips and 
torso that the woman can use coital 
postures where she lies, kneels, stands or 
squats over the man can also be used 
when she is in the same position over the 
man for cunnilinctus or the 69. In partic- 
ular the woman can use—and should 


PLAYBOY 


make a real effort to try to learn, and 
learn well—the superb pelvic motion or 
mysterious gyration first made public in 
the erotic technique manual Les Paradis 
Charnels. . . . This is known in French 
under the jocular name of Za Diligence 
de Lyon (The Lyons Stage Coach), about. 
which a famous hoax or shaggy-dog story 
is told. . . . La Diligence de Lyon . . . is a 
rapid and continuous forward and back- 
ward rolling motion of the kneeling 
woman's hips, similar to that known in 
horseback riding under the name of post- 
ing, or 'broncobusting, where the rider's 
body sinks and rises rhythmically forward 
and backward to match the motions of 
the galloping or bucking horse. In the hu- 
man version the man may not be making 
any motions at all, while the woman 
posts ... her whole body riding in this 
way on the edge of infinity. 

2. “When а person is going on a jour- 
ney and makes a mark on the thiglis, or 
on the breast, it is called a token of 
remembrance. On such an occasion, three 
or four lines are impressed close to one 
another with the nails. . . . The love of a 
woman who sees the marks of nails on 
the private parts of her body, even 
though they are old and almost worn out. 
becomes again fresh and new. If there be 
no marks of nails to remind a person of 
the passages of love, then love is lessened 
in the same way as when no union takes 
place for a long time. Even when a 
stranger sees at a distance a young wom- 
an with the marks of nails on her breast, 
he is filled with love and respect for 
her. А man .. . who carries the marks of 
nails and teeth on some parts of his body 
influences the mind of a woman, even 
though it be ever so firm. In short, noth- 
ing tends to increase Jove so much as the 
effects of marking with the nails and 


"The idea is to tie your partner hand 
and foot, firmly but comfortably, so that 
they can struggle as hard as they like 
without getting loose, and then bringing 
them to orgasm. . .. On any bed with four 
posts you can stake a partner out, sup- 
ported by one or more pillows. This is 
the traditional bordel method, probably 
because it needs no skill. Extension like 
this inhibits orgasm in some people— 
many feel more with the legs open, but 
the wrists and elbows firmly behind the 
back, or by being tied to a chair, or up- 
right to a post. The critical areas where 
compression boosts sex feelings are the 
wrists, ankles, elbows (don’t try to make 
them meet behind by brute force), soles 
of the feet, thumbs and big toes (artful 
women break off halfway to tie these last 
two with 2 leather bootlace—if you doubt 
this, try it). . . . Some energetic people like 
to be gagged as well. As one lady put it, ‘It 
keeps the bubbles in the champagne 

4. "One of the most arousing tl 


gs 


138 you can do to a man is the Butterfly 


Flid. On the underside of the penis, 
about one or two inches behind the head, 
is a ridge called the corona. Just under- 
ncath the corona is a delicate vertical 
membrane. This is the most sensitive area 
on the man's body. To drive him straight 
into ecstasy, take your tongue and flick it 
lightly back and forth across this mem- 
brane—like you were strumming a banjo. 
Now run your tongue down to the base 
of the penis and back up again a few 
times and then return to the Butterfly 
Flick, only this time flicking all the way 
up and down the underside of the penis. 
Continue until the man begs for mercy.” 

A. The Joy of Sex, by Alex Comfort 

В. Oragenitalism, by Gershon Legman 

C. The Sensuous Woman, by J. 

D. The Kama Sutra of Valsyayana 

1. 2: 3. 5 

Section Two: Know Your Тит] 
orgy is a crowded place and sometimes 
you have to wait in line, right? Wrong. 
The liberated lover is an explorer. He 
maps a partner's body, charting the areas 
that have erotic possibilities. No holds 
are barred. If it moves. . . . The follow- 
ing is a list of erogenous zones. Place a 
value from one to five on each of the 
areas named—one for least sensitive, five 
for most sensitive. 

1. Side of neck — 2. Sacral dim- 
ples — 3. Buttocks — 4. Inner thigh — 
5. Behind the knee — 6. Е; 


Give yourself two points for use, two 
points for possession of the following: 
6. Vibrator — 
7. French shower head — 
8. Orgasmatron 
9. Frendh tickler 

10. Stimula condom 

Give yourself three points for use, three 
points for possession of the following: 

11. Handcuffs or 

thumb cuffs 

12. Leatherwear 

18. Whips 

14. Polaroid 

15. Video-tape system 

Subtract five points for use, five poi 
for possession of the followin; 

16. Inflatable vagina 

17. Prolong 

18. Auto Suck 

19. Penis enlarger 

20. Flavored douches 

Total: 

Section Four: Have You Ever Done It 
in the Bedroom? The liberated lover is 
footloose, fancy-free and flexible. "Have 
Body, Will Travel.” He always has the 
time and he is always in the right place. 
Sometimes he even does it in bed. The 
following are locations for the filming of 
your own X-rated movie. Avard yourself 
one point and one year in jail for each 
location you've tried. 

1. The shower — 2, The beach — 3. 


er curve of breast — 8. The kitchen table —_ 4. The office 
Labia — 10. Clitoris п. desk 5. An airplane 6. A car 

Tongue 13. Stomach 7. A taxi В. A train 9. A disco 
15. Anus — 16. Hair — 17. Back of floor — 10. An elevator — 11. A phone 
neck — Total: booth __ 12. A hot tub or sauna __ 13. 


Section Three: Things That Go Buzz 
in the Night: According to a recent re- 
port, some 4,795,000 dildos have been 
sold in the United States in the past dec- 
ade by one manufacturer alone. We can 
account for most of those among our 
friends. Still, even counting them, it's 
obvious that America has come a long 
way. For superpatriots and the Daughters 
of the American Revolution, there's a 
Bicentennial dildo in red, white and 
blue. Sure beats Mom and apple pie. 
The liberated lover maintains a well- 
equipped toy chest to entertain his 
guests. He knows his tool and how to use 
his toys. The following is a random selec- 
tion of sexual accessories, most of which 
are guaranteed to produce voluptuous 
sensations. Give yourself one point for 
each item that you have tried. Give your- 
self an extra point if you own the object. 
We recognize the difference between the 
man who merely experiments and the 
man who actively seeks to convert others. 
You depraved bastards. 

THE TOYS 

1. Scented body oil 

2, KY jelly 

3. А fur mitten 

4. Satin sheets 

5. Water bed 


USE — OWN 


HII 
HII 


A lores — 14 A church — 15. A 
library — 16. A nudist colony — 
"Total: 

Section Five: Are You Now or Have 
You Ever Been Sexually Liberated? A 
sage once said that a man who desires to 
be liberated should act as if he were lib- 
erated and, to all intents, he will be. And 
he'll also be fucking his eyeballs out. 
The following questions will simply de- 
termine, from the confession of your own 
behavior, whether you're in the right 
ball park. 

1. Have you ever been nude in front 
of more than one person at the same 
time? — 

2. Have you ever had sex in front of 
other people (ie, in the presence of 
another person or couple. Flashing does 
not count)? — 

3. Have you ever had sex with more 
than one person at the same time? —_ 

4. Have you had sex more than once 
with more than one person? (Le, have 
you repeated the experience with the 
original cast and crew?) — 

5. Were your accomplices of the op- 
posite sex or mixed? — 

6. If you have engaged in group sex, 

(continued on page 274) 


PLAYBOY'S CHRISTMAS CARDS 


ГО Al 
A NUMBe 


A WOULD-BE 
WASHINGTON 
SECRETARY 


Before you came upon the scene, 
We lived on etched tales 

ard-room fights and midni; i 
And ten-inch faerie теа 
But thanks to you, at last we've learned 
Of Howard's biggest thrills— 
Forget the loot and ladies; 
Hughes got off on making wills. 


IFFERENCE IF you GRAB THE PHONE 


IT TO YOUR EYE; ING You sprayed Old Glory on your car 
e WHEN DT m B And also on your beagle. 
p FOLKS COMPLAIN Abe Lincoln's tattooed on your chest 
ST OLD ше: (Your wife has got an eagle). 
" The freedom bell upon your lawn 
EN THINGS IN EM Your missus made from Jell-O. 
CK SOME EE IT! ] Your house may be the nation's first 
you TOP PAY | Split-level Monticello. 
The season's very best to you, 
Although we're full of fears, friend, 
You'll freeze like George at Valley Forge 
To celebrate the year's end. 


TO A DOG LOVER 


To hell with ho, ho, ho, Te 
We'd like to get you with a wi 

For year-round gifts you've left for us, 
The kind we had to step in! 


MISSIVES AND MISSILES 
FOR THE JOLLY SEASON 


verse 


By JUDITH WAX 


№ 
$ 
TO THE MAKERS OF 
DISASTER FILMS 


You guys deal cheer 
And so we lift our t 
To merry tales of 


throughout the year, 
loasts 


underwater ek 
Winter's thighs. 


rigors staunchly, 


ans are for; 
We next year, please have mercy 
па don’t trap us in one more, 


PHOTOGRAPH 
PHILLIP DIXON 


Alonc, waiting for the train 
that will take her to points 
‘aren indulges in 


by. And possibly even a 
quich, zipless encounter. 
Shades of Jung and Jong. 


playmate karen hafter thinks air travel is for the birds. so when she 
made the move from new york to california, she kept a low profile 


IKE THOUSANDS of girls 

before her, Bronx-born 
| Karen Hafter decided 
| one summer day to 
cast her fate to the wind and 
go out to Hollywood. It was an 
impulsive decision at best. 
“Hollywood just seemed like 
such a strange, exciting place,” 
says Karen. “A new frontier.” 
She'd been working as a cook 
in a bar and grill in New Paltz, 
New York, to finance her col- 
lege education, and the pros- 
pect of another term of dull 
classes and then hunting for a 
dismal nine-to-five job in Man- 
hattan didn't exactly fill her 
with unrestrained rapture. 
Karen packed up her troubles, 
plus a change or two of clothes, 
and caught the first tr 
Angeles. She would have 

jet, except that she's terrified 

of flying—and, besides, trains 
are infinitely more romantic— 
they give a girl a chance to 


There is something deeply romantic, even sensuous, about the 
idea of a train rushing through the night,” Karen reflects. 
“Ina way, it’s the perfect place for a quick affair.” 


“A man's physical attractiveness used to be the most 
important thing, but now I'm more concerned with 
his emotional make-up. Not that 1 don't like attractive 
men—it's just not the most crucial aspect anymore.” 


think, to dream, perchance even to fantasize. The journey 
lasted four days. “I felt a mixture of things during the trip, 
Karen reflects. “Excitement at the prospect of approaching 
a new life and emptiness because I was leaving home for the 
first time." Again like thousands of girls before her, n 
Halter, upon arriving in Tinseltown, took a whirlwind tour 
of the place and, thereupon, decided that if a girl wants to 
be seen, Sunset. Boulevard is the place to be. So, without 
much trouble, she landed a waitressing job at David's Pot- 
belly, а restaurant on—you 

where who should stroll in one day but Anne Randall (our 
May 1967 Playmate). “She was staring at me from the mo- 
ment she walked in ys Karen, “Finally, she came over 
and ed me if I'd be interested in trying out for a PLAYBOY 
centerfold. И she'd been a тап, I would have said no— 
for obvious reasons.” ‘The rest, as they say in showbiz, is his- 
Looking back, Karen seems a bit awestruck by 

her own rapid success: “I never thought I'd be a Pla 

my vildest dreams," she says. "I was always a 

wny kid. Everybody was wearing a bra before me. I 
146 didn't start to fill out until 1 was 16." Better late than never. 


The long journey is at an end, and now, 3000 miles of America 
separate Karen from what had been her home. But somehow, 
the sun, the beach, the palm trees, the glitter and the prospect 
of a new life offset those lingering feelings of emptiness. 


4344030 SSIW 


“1 like to think I've really gotten it together sexually,” 
says Karen. "In the past, it was a major thing for me and I 
experimented a lot. But now I feel I've really 
settled down. I'm not a wild, wild woman anymore.” 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


Telling her office co-workers about her month- 
long vacation, thc girl said, "And one of the 
best things about it was that I finally got to 
play the female lead in an amateur theatrical 
production at the resort!" 

“Was it a one-act play 
other stenographers. 

“Hell, no!" retorted the young thing. “I must 
have been laid by the social director half а 
dozen times before he gave me the part!” 


catted one of the 


According to a friend in New England, 
massage-parlor girls in Hartford are popularly 
referred to as Connecticut Yankers. 


Pushing the seaman ahead of him into the 
aptain's quarters, the bosun's mate announced, 
ir, when I came across this man in the hold, 
he was masturbating with both hands. 

"Thats terrible!” roared the captain. 
“Throw him into the brig and charge him with 
bigamy!” 


Cait the study of figures statistics 
And the study of language linguistics; 
But it's clear that onc errs 
When one loosely avers 
That the study of balling's ballistics. 


li was while they were savoring their cognacs 
after having dined admirably that Dr. Watson 
said, “You've been torpid of late, Holmes, and 
you must keep in practice. Tell me, what do 
you take to be the occupation of that good- 
looking, prosperous-looking chap over there, 
whom 1 happen to know—the one who is 
sharing a huge platter of giant prawns with 
that attractive, if somewhat flashy, young 
woman 

"He's obviously in taxidermy 
yawned reply. 
capital, Holmes: that's right on the mark!" 
effused the good doctor. "But what was it led 
you to that incisive deduction?” 

“Elementary, my dear Watson,” answered 
the great detective. “The bounder is quite ob- 
viously stulhng the bird before he mounts her." 


was the 


A man had just bought a new suit and was brag- 
g to his wife that the trousers had a 12 
zipper. 


what?" chuckled the woman. 
opens the door of our three-car garage 
that comes out is his tricycle.” 


After sitting all night on a deserted road, the 
disabled car was towed to a service station. Its 
two handsome male occupants conferred briefly 
with the mechanic and then went off in search 
ol food, leaving their perky little blon 
panion in the waiting room. After a whil 
mechanic came in to report. “Well, 
announced, "it seems you blew a couple of 
rods last night. 

“Oh, gee,” exclaimed the girl, "and they 


swore they'd never tell a soul!” 


Our confectionery correspondent reports that 
those new edible candy pants are about to 
be distributed in a male version—with nuts, 
of course. 


Three members of a weekly female bridge 
quartet were duly impressed when the fourth 
arrived wearing a gorgeous new mink coat. 
hars a lovely garment, Dottie,” purred 
one woman, “It must have cost you a fortune!” 
“But it didn’ 


said Dottie, "just a single 
piece of ass. 


“You mean,” continued the admirer of the 
coat, "one that you gave your husband?” 

No,” smiled the coat wearer, "one that he 
got from the maid.” 


On. my God!" groaned the premature ejacula- 
tor as his weakness betrayed him once again. 
“And my date isn't even until next week!” 


t an 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines pubic hair 
as nature's dental floss. 


instructed the 


Name the elements, Bobby, 
teacher. 

“There's earth and there's air." began the 
boy, "and then fire . . . and—er—water . . . 

xd —oh, yes—fucking." 

The teacher gasped, then recovered herself. 
"hat fifth thing you named—whatever made 
you include 

1 overheard my mom telling one of her 
friends,” answered Bobby, “that when my pop 
gets to fucking, he’s in his element.” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on а post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
11. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


а 


"Naturally, we assumed we would be battling 
the New York Islanders... ." 


155 


PLAYBOY'S CHIEF EXECUTIVE 
SCOREBOARD SORTS OUT THE 
STRAIGHT AND THE STRAYED 


RESIDENTIAL PHILANDERING is as old 
P ind respectable a tradition as the Pres- 
idency itself. George Washington intro- 
duced it when he took the job in 1789 and 
it's been going on in random but healthy 
spurts ever since. Of course, not all of 
our Chief Executives played around, but 
a lot of them did and the ones who didn't 
got accused of it anyway by the scandal- 
mongers and the mudslingers. A hundred 
years ago, a sexual slur or a ribald verse 
could cost a man the election; nowadays, 
it’s practically a sign of character. Take 
Nixon, for example: If he'd spent more 
time violating the opposite sex and less 
time violating the Constitution, who 
knows where he'd be today? It's inter- 
esting to note in passing that, by and 


large, our most beloved heads of state 
have also been our most frequently loved 
heads of state—men like Washington, 
Jefferson, Lincoln, Franklin Roosevelt 
and John Kennedy got more action than 
men like Van Buren, Fillmore, Coolidge 
and Hoover; and J.F.K. probably got 
more than all the others combined. 

Unfortunai most responsible texts 
on the American Presidency deal exclu- 
sively with the affairs of state, discreetly 
ignoring the affairs of statesmen, an un- 
pardonable oversight, in our opinion. So, 
in the interests of history, but largely for 
our own amusement, we present the fol- 
lowing documented account of the mak- 
ing of the Presidents—1789-1976. 

б 

rst in war, first in peace, first in the 
pants of his countrywomen" might have 
been a more accurate appraisal. As 
Woodrow Wilson once wrote of GEORGE 
WASHINGTON' carly years: "No young 


ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN YOUSSI 


Virgi could live 26 years amidst fair 
women in that hale and sociable colony 
without bcing touched again and again 
by the quick passion; and this man had 
the blood of a lover beyond his fellows.” 
In other words, Washington was horny a 
lot During the Revolution, several news- 
papers claimed he kept a "Tory mistress 
who filched secret documents from his 
bedchamber. While he was President, ru- 
mors circulated widely that he was two- 
timing Martha with an Irishwoman he 
kept in New York. And one newspaper 
went so far as to suggest that he had 
someone seduce his female slaves to 
prepare them for his "use" once he 
returned home to Mount Vernon, 
which probably explains why 

he missed the place so damn 

much. Washington never 
made any public denial of 


these claims, even though they discredited 
him for years with New England Puri- 
tans, But thc onc truc love of his life was 
Sally Fairfax, wife of his dose friend 
George William Fairfax. Apparently, 
"Washington. and Sally carried on before 
and during Washington's marriage and 
their relationship, judging from his letters 
to her, was intimate—as intimate as it can 
be when the guy has wooden teeth, at any 
rate. Although Washington never fathered 
any children with Martha, mate 
progeny were numerous (some even daim 
they indude Alexander Hamilton), which 
prompted one notable scholar to call him 
“the father of our country in more ways 
than one.” 

Washington was a hard act to fol- 
low. Although JOHN ADAMS occasionally 
bemoaned the fact that he couldn't 
keep his mind off women, he never 
fooled around. Once he met Abigail, that 
was it. 

THOMAS JEFFERSON, however, knew 
what he was doing when he wrote those 
immortal words about the right to pursue 
happincss—he'd been pursuing happiness 
in the form of the fair sex all his life. In 
1768, still a bachelor, he had a steamy 
affair with Betsey Walker, the wife of his 


best friend and neighbor. In Pa 
1786, four years after his wife died, Jef 
ferson fell in love with Maria Cosway, 
the wife of a bisexual painter who 
specialized in pornographic miniatures. 
The following year, one of his slaves, 14- 
year-old Sally Hemings, accompanied his 


daughter Polly to France as 
“companion.” It soon became 
evident whose companion she 
really was—by the fall of 1789, 

she was pregnant. Ac the begin- 
ning of Jefferson's first term, while 
Dolley and James Madison were living in 
the White House, rumor had it that the 
reason Dolley obtained the position of 
White House hostess was that she and 
Jefferson were carrying on right under her 


husband's nose. A litle later, the story 
of “Black Sally” leaked to the press and 
she became the subject of frequent ribald 
slurs. Jefferson didn't seem to care—he 
fathered six more children with Sally and 
continued the relationship until his death. 


After being thwarted by his first love, 


а 15-year-old named Kitty 
Floyd, who ultimately dumped 
him for a harpsichord-playing 
medical student, JAMES MADISON, 
hardly a ladies man, waited 11 
years before making his next foray 
into the battle of the sexes. He never 
cheated on Dolley. JAMES MONROE had 
two relationships before marrying but 
probably didn't get to first base with 
either of them. 


John Adams son JOHN QUINCY ADAMS 
was something of a womanizer. During 
the campaign of 1828, the Jacksonians 
accused him of acting as pimp for Czar 
Alexander I of Russia, a charge that 
ned him the tide Pimp of the Coali- 
tion; many observers chose thus to ex- 
plain his enormous success as a diplomat. 
As President, Adams was known as an in- 
veterate skinny-dipper who daily bathed 
au naturel in the Potomac. 

While the Jacksonians were busy call- 
ing Adams à pimp, the Adams forces 
weren't exactly sitting around, twiddling 
their thumbs, ANDREW JACKSON was ас- 

cused of both adultery and bigamy, the 

notion being that he had slept with 
and married Rachel before she 
was divorced from her first 
husband. The controversy died 
down when Rachel passed 


away shortly before Old Hickory's elec- 
tion, During his Administration, Jackson 
was accused of being overly attentive to 
the whims of Margaret Timberlake, wife 
of the Secretary of War, John Eaton. It 
was said that careers in Washington were 
either made or broken because of her 
influence over Jackson. 

"Things calmed down considerably after 
Jackson left town. The next eight occu- 
pants of the White House represent the 
sexual Middle Ages of the American 
Presidency. Scandals were nearly as rare 
as statesmen, MARTIN VAN BUREN Was SO 
cfícminate—he wore corsets, dressed like 
a fag and used women’s perfume—that 
Davy Crockett once claimed that it was 
practically impossible to tell whether he 
was a man or a woman. WILLIAM HENRY 
HARRISON lasted only a few months as 
President, so he barely had enough time 
to test the bedsprings. The only lively one 
in the bunch was—of all people—joun 
TYLER, who, some weeks after his wife 
died, commenced to pursue a lovely young 
Washington belle named Julia Gardiner, 
who was Jess than half his age. Apparent- 
ly, his pursuit was a literal one—one re- 
port has chasing her down the White 
House stairs and around tables and 


chairs for a kiss. Thats probably all 
he got, until he married her а year later. 
‘The next President did a good bit of 
running himsclíÍ—]AMES К. POLK was 
allegedly plagued by diarrhea during his 
entire Administration. so it's sale to say 
he spent more time in the White House 
outhouse than in the White House bed- 


chamber. Next in line Was ZACHARY 
"TAYLOR, "Old Rough and Read A 
more appropriate title would have been 


Old Soft and Boring. Taylor was so heavy 
and his legs were so short that, as a soldier, 
he had to be boosted onto his horse. 
He habitually wore baggy pants and 
loosefiting suits and cut a spectacular- 
ly undashing figure. MILLARD FILLMORE, 
the President Everybody Forgets, had 
an eminently forgettable love life. After 
his first wife died, he married a rich 
widow who, according to reports, looked 
like "the Mona Lisa grown old." Fill- 
more vacated the premises 10 FRANKLIN 
PIERCE, whose most intense physical affair 
was with the pommel of a saddle that 


apparently struck him in the groin during 
combat in the Mexican War, causing him 
to fall off his horse and pass ош. Equally 
bland was JAMES BUCHANAN, who is best 
remembered as the man who came before 
Honest Abe. 

‘There were strong rumors that ABRA- 
HAM LINCOLN fooled around with a wom- 
an named Mary Owens and fathered 
illegitimate daughter, although there's 
some doubt as to whom he fathered her 
with. His wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, was 
ungovernably jealous and frequently 
complained of headaches, which was as 
good an excuse in those days as it 
now. Their marriage was rocky—Lincoln 
even threatened to have her committed— 
and what with the Civil War going badly 
for much of his Administration, it's prob- 
ably safe to assume that Lincoln sought 
solace in various boudoirs. 

So did his successor. ANDREW JOHNSON ‘Ss 


PLAYBOY 


fe was an invalid throughout his term 
in office and spent her White House years 
secreted in an upstairs bedroom visited 
by family intimates only. So the President 
forced to find female companionship 
elsewhere. Some historians blame John- 
son's continuously appeasing attitude 
toward the postwar South on his suc 
cumbing to the attentions of various 
Southern ladies seeking pardons for their 
husbands. Rumor had it that the White 
House under Johnson had the ambience 
of a bordello. 

For an old soldier, ULYSSES 5. GRANT 
was surprisingly straight. Perhaps the 
queerest thing he ever did was play the 
role of Desdemona in a performance of 
Othello by a theatrical company of bored 
troops during the Mexican War. He was 
dedicated to his wife, who was cross-eyed. 
So dedicated, in fact, that. when she 
wanted to have an operation to straight- 
en her eyes, Grant forbade it, saying, "I 
like her that way.” Equally weird was 
RUTHERFORD в, HAYES, whose only true 
love was his sister, Fanny. 

JAMES GARFIELD's morals were probably 
intact, even though his wife, Lucretia, 
suspected him of liaisons with several 
lifelong ladyfriends, including Rebecca 
Selleck, whom Garfield visited repeatedly 
whenever he was in New York. CHESTER 
ALAN ARTHUR, a strikingly good-looking 
man, seemed to prefer the company of 
in college, he developed a dose 
relationship with his roommate, Camp- 
bell Allen—so close that he once wrote a 
letter to Allen describing how they had 
once fallen asleep in each other's arms. 
Along those lines, Arthur refused to 
move into the White House until it was 
redecorated by Louis Tiffany. GROVER 
CLEVELAND probably fathered at least one 
illicit child. As sheriff of Erie County, 
New York, he belonged to a group of 
bachelors called The Jolly Reefers, who 
regularly entertained prostitutes. One of 
these women was Maria Halpin, who 
claimed that Cleveland was the father of 
her child. He paid her off with $500 and 
saw to it that the child was adopted. 
During his first term as President, 
Cleveland married Frances Folsom (who 
was 27 years his junior) and allowed the 
press to follow him on his honeymoon. 
Rumor had it that he abused his wife, 
causing their children to be deaf and 
dumb. 

BENJAMIN HARRISON, whose one term 
occurred between Cleveland's two, put 
the scandalmongers to sleep for four 
years. Cleveland woke them up, then 
WILLIAM ‘MCKINLEY put them right back 
to sleep again. McKinley was devoted to 
his wife, who was an epileptic, Occasional- 
ly, during White House dinners, when 


158 Mrs. McKinley made her characteristic 


hissing sound signaling the onset of a fit, 
the President would throw a handkerchief 
over her face. then continue his conversa- 
tion as if nothing had happened. Equally 
devoted to wife and family was TEDDY 
ROOSEVELT, whose proverbial Big Stick 
didn't see much action outside his mar- 
riage bed. Mr. Macho was so clean he 
sued a newspaper that had called him a 
drunkard and won the case. 

Next on the roster, weighing in at 325 
pounds, is WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT, whom 
one biographer optimistically called a 
ladies’ man, although, at that weight, he 
couldn't have been a terribly desirable 
lover. According to a psychological study 
by Sigmund Freud, WOODROW WILSON 
“almost certainly remained a virgin until 
he married his first wife at the age of 28" 
and "his sexual life was confined to his 
first wife and his second." Rumor had 
it, however, that he was putting it to his 
second wife before his first one died. A 
current joke went, "What did Mrs. Galt 
do when the President proposcd to her? 
She fell out of bed." Wilson's frequent 
illnesses and. the secrecy surrounding his 
stroke in 1919 gave rise to the suggestion 
that he was suffering the terminal effects 
of the venereal disease that he had con- 
tracted during his Princeton days. Wilson 
died in 1924, but that doesn't seem to have 
slowed down his wife, to judge by author 
Pietro di Donato's account of his short 
affair with her as published recently in 
Oui magazine. She was 67 years old at 
the time, but Di Donato attests mightily 
to her sexual prowess, saying, "Succes- 
ive rings of muscle clamped my lesser 
nd she took three comes before 
ГА 

Wilson's successor, the handsome and 
incompetent WARREN G. HARDING, got the 
scandal presses rolling so fast he could 
barely keep up with them. Described by 
associates as "a sporting ladies man 
with a distinct “weakness for women, 
Harding naively hoped his marital 
infidelities would remain secret. They 
didn't. He was never deeply in love with 
his wife, Flossie, a divorcee five years 
his senior, and she, apparently, wasn't 
all that fond of him, either, since several 
biographers claim she poisoned him. 
Harding's mistress, Nan Britton, spilled 
the beans on her lover shortly after 
he died by discreetly writing а book 
called The President’s Daughter, a de- 
tailed account of their affair, including 
some torrid passages about their frequent 
rendezvous in various White House coat 
closets. The book also goes on, at some 
length, about Harding's illegitimate 
daughter, Elizabeth Ann. Britton’s dis- 
closures, along with the Teapot Dome 
mess, prepared the public to believe 
practically every rumor about Harding, 


who had died in office, no doubt from the 
strain of it all. 

CALVIN “SILENT CAL" COOLIDGE inher- 
ited a bordello and overnight turned it 
nto a morgue. Apparently, he “treated 
his wife more coldly than any President's 
wife was treated, before or since,” ac- 
cording to one biographer. In fact, he 
shortened their two-weck honeymoon to 
one week and thereafter slept with his 
pet dog, Rob Roy. He was said to have 
preferred the company of men and once 
closed a letter to a Northampton cobbler 
with the words "I love you." Draw your 
own conclusions. 

About HERBERT HOOVER nothing can 
be said except that his wife was the only 
woman in his life. Ever. 

Not so for FRANKLIN D.ROOSEVELT. For 
a guy confined to a wheelchair, F.D.R. 
really got around. His most famous alfair 
was with Lucy Mercer. When Eleanor 
ran across their love letters, she offered 
to let Franklin out of the marriage, 
but F.D.R.s mother intervened and 
convinced Eleanor to agree to a mar- 
riage in name only from then on, as 
long as the President stopped seeing 
Lucy. This later became known as the 
New Deal. Roosevelt also carried on with 
Missy LeHand, his longtime secretary— 
she often acted as White House hostess 
in Eleanors absence. Since Eleanor's 
absences were long and frequent, there's 
a good chance Missy acted in a number 
of other capacities as well. F.D.R. was 
also romantically linked to Crown Pri 
cess Martha of Norway, who spent most 
of the war years in Washington. Martha 
and her children often lived for as long 
as a week at a time in the White House 
and she spent a good deal of that time 
with. E.D.R., alone. Chances are foreign 
policy was not the number-one topic of 
conversation. Roosevelt was also very 
close to New York Post publi 
Schiff, although the degree of intima 
their. relationsl ijs unknown. As for 
F.D.R/s deal with Eleanor—by 1945, the 
year of his death, he was back with Lucy 
Mercer. Not only was he a two-timer— 
he was a double-dealer as well. 

Up until 1960, the Cold War produced 
its share of cold fish. A lot of people were 
just wild about HARRY TRUMAN, but the 
only woman who scemed to be demon. 
strably wild about him was wile, Bess, 
And vice versa. DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER 
had a rather well-publicized affair during 
the war with Kay Summersby, a young 
British WAC who chauffeured the gen- 
eral around Europe. At one point, Ike 
asked to be relieved of command so he 
could return home to divorce Mamie and 
marry Kay. During his 1952 Presidential 

(concluded on page 281) 


PLAYBOYS 
CHRISTMAS 
GIFT GUIDE 


Above: Moto Star fiberglass 
motorcycle helmet that’s designed 
by Don L'Heureux features o 
nonresilient polystyrene. 

foom liner that absorbs shock; 
the extra-lorge snap-on duckbill 
visor (which con be worn in oddi- 
tion to o voriety of goggles) is 
ideol for motocross and off-road 
racing—the bill can be trimmed 
to individual requirements 

by Bell Helmets, $69.75, 
availoble in white or yellow. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY OON AZUMA 


EXCEPTIONAL 
GOODIES THAT 
MAKE GIVING 
AND GETTING 
A YULE DELIGHT 


Left, top: The Soundsphere 27 
loud-speoker measures 27" in 
diometer ond con handle 

250 wotts RMS without ony sign 

of oudio breokup, by Sonic 
Systems, $1000. Bottom: Nokomichi's 
mighty model 620 power omplifier 
is conservotively rated ot o 
moximum output of 100 wotts per 
chonnel; lomps integroted into 

the heot-sink fins con be pro- 
gromed to light red or green to 
connote power output, $600. 


PLAYBOYS CHRISTMAS GIFT GUIDE 


Below: At 60 mph, the loudest 
sound you'll hear will be the 
ticking of your 18-kt. 

gold ultrothin Rolls-Royce 


wrist wotch, by Corum, $3900. 


Bottom: The Thought Moster 260, 

а solid-stote desktop dictot- 

ing mochine thot onswers your 
telephone ond records dictotion 
outomoticolly, by Dictaphone, $745. 


[T] 


Below: Minolta’s 110 zoom single- 
lens reflex camero features a 
built-in 2X zoom lens wi 


macro range, avtomotic exposure 
control, an electronically gov- 
erned shutter with speeds to 
1/1000 second and through-the- 
lens viewing ond focusing, $260. 


Left: Four ounces of 
1-12 cologne for men, 
o clean, crisp new 
fragrance with o 
subtle, woody scent 
that's sold іп a hond- 
some bottle designed 
by Elsa Peretti, $11.50, 
and o bar of Z-14 soap 
for men that gives off 
а hint of spice, $6, both 
by Halston Fragrances. 


Right: Who's the holder 
of the phone thot's 
made for ycu ond me? 
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E- 
Yes, the genial little 
rodent is now available 
in a Morvin Glass—de- 
signed working model 
that plugs into any 
phone jock, by General 
Telephone ond 
Electronics, $99.50. 


PLAYBOYS CHRISTMAS GIFT Ct 


Right: An 18’ bubble-deck jet ski 
boat that’s powered by a 455-cv.- 
in. Olds engine can taw three 
skiers at once, by Continental 
Boats, $6400, including trailer— 
plus an additional $500 far 

the optional custom paint job. 
Below: Sony's M-101 microcassette 
notetaker weighs only 12 oz., 
records on 60-minute cassettes, 
$279, including earphone and 
suede carrying case. Bottom: 

Bill Blass Tattersall saddlebag, 

by Mutual, $85; and a calfskin 
calendar pad, by Mark Cross, $60. 


Below: А 38”-high polished- 
chrome barstool that features a 
seat upholstered in natural ostrich, 
by Karl Springer, $975. Bottom: 
The Lenco Model C2003 stereo 
cassette deck is a direct-drive, 
two-capston, three-head stereo 
unit in which all mechanicol 
functions are electronically 
contralled by light-touch 

buttons; the logic-controlled 

tape transport allows for direct 
changes from one function to an- 
other without use of the stop but- 
ton, by Uher of America, $695.50. 


PLAYBOY 


WORKING OUT .......... pom pue 19) 


gyms in the carly Sixties, alter recov 
п illness and being informed bya a 


“Well, it's not going to let me down 
I said. I recall standing apart from 
aughty schnauzer, 


Ith club on the North 
Shore of Long Island. 
Why do you want to join?” 


asked the 


receptionist. 
"Because my body has let me down," 1 
said. Was I there in pursuit of bulk or 


cuts? an instructor wanted to know. That 
is, was I interested in going after sheer 
massiveness of no particular design or in 
shooting for a tidy frame with clearly de- 
fined sinews? Since I was frail and reed- 
ike at the time, quite naturally 1 leaned 
n the direction of bulk. It seemed a sensi- 
ble plan to bulk up quickly. as a first 
maneuver, and then proceed to cut up the 
bulk. Was this possible, I wanted to know, 
or, once having set your cap in the di 
rection of bulk, were you committed to 
being a bloated fellow for all time? The 
instructor had heard of a case or two— 
* Japan—in which bulk had been 
cut up but felt it was a questionable 
procedure. 
The gym appeared to be inhabited by 
nasty fellows, several of whom laughed 
openly at my arms. One, who had 
achieved both cuts and bulk, would per- 
form sets of curls and then sneer back at 
the gym. Another unsmiling fellow made 
Junges across the gym on his belly, admit- 
ting that he was hardening his abdomen 
ast the possibility of tavern insults. 
veral fellows were there, quite frank- 
ly, to pump up for evening dates; that is, 


to set the blood coursing into their 
anms, giving them an extra half inch of 
width, wh udulent but 


who was the p, one 
that, pa much more dif- 
ficult to pull off than a full one, though 
traveled only a quarter of the distance, 
He could do more of these than anyone 
in the Northeast United States and would 
arrive the instant the gym opened, get 
down on a board and tick them off until 
closing time; these labors had resulted 
in a great band of muscle below his rib 
эре, easily mistaken for fat by all except 
those who had actually grabbed ac it and 
knew it to be hard as pig iron. Less re- 
spected was at fellow of unimposing phy- 
sique who hid off by himself and claimed 
to be working on a muscle that was 
buried deep in the arms; once properly 
stim Шаша, would cause а 1 others to 
spr 
caught fire. this routii 
would appear, overnight, with the gym's 


164 finest body. He seemed anxious to get me 


in on іс. but I doubted the istence of 
the muscle and decided not to fish around. 


for it. 
Much in vogue at the 
larly for bulk people the squat, а 


desperately unattractive maneuver ii 
which the shoulders were to be loaded 
up with as mu ght as they could 
support; one was then to squat down in 
the manner of a Filipino woman reliev- 
ing herself in the field, issue forth a 
great gust of wind, whisk it back in and 
struggle to an upright position. There 
vas, presumably, no smoother road to 
bulk. Since this wa 
group of hulking fellows tl 
doned off to one side in wha 
officially designated the Squatting Section, 
Several of them wolfed down Milky 
Ways between sessions, There I was cau- 
tioned that 1 had best continue squatting 
for the rest of my days, since a layolt 
would ensure that my bulk would turn 
to bloat. ("И you quit, you'll grow tits.”) 
‘The building seemed to tremble as the 
gym's bulkicst fellow appeared, a grea 
ballooning Macy's Thanksgiving Day Р: 
rade exhibit of a fellow named Bob. He 
turned out to be a good-natured fellow 
ad asked me to accompany him on a trip 
to 42nd Street for the purpose of ogling 
girls. Years later, I was to have a sad е 
counter with Bob; he had, indeed, let up 
on his exercises, and his once-proud pecs 


was un- 


Middle Period. 

In the months that followed, I atend- 
ed the gym three times a week, where I 
would bulk up and then repair to the 
stcam room. 

Gathering confidence, I added ире 
squats to my regimen, an exercise in 
which one squats to exhaustion and then 
proceeds t0 squat some more, the tired 
squats presumably being vastly richer 
n effect than ones performed in a state 
of peppiness. In addition, 1 took on the 
highly towed behind-the-head pull-up, 
practiced by those who stand in contempt 
of chins, I would pursue this new inter- 
esc into the streets, leaping up and grab- 
bing Madison. Avenue building awnings 
10 get 1 extra few. At home, I curled 
iny son in the back yard. 

My body seemed to be coming a 
nicely and 1 decided to unveil it at H. 
Villa Creole hotel. It was there, at the 
tio, that my wile revealed to me that 
she had litde use for either bulk or cuts, 
her preference being the willowy poetica 
body. Several Haitians at the hotel had 
these, and it was all I could do to fend 
them off. Ac poolside, the wife of a re- 
tired sea dog took me aside, 1 she ad- 
mired my body and asked if 1 would 
deliver to her a lower-back massage. Al- 
though she had never gone to this length 


before, she was prepared to allow me to 
go “underpanty.” 1 dedined to do this, 
recommending a blind Santo Domingan 
for the assignment, but her interest 
buoyed my spirits and convinced me I 
was on the proper course, 

I returned to the gym and found it 
under new management whose aim was to 
focus on professional people and, in the 
process, expel rowdies. At the helm was 
a retired police officer who would sign 
up periodontists and quickly involve 
them in parallebbar dips: while they 
were thus engaged. he would slip outside 
10 conduct affairs with their wives. I 
missed the scruffiness of the old gym and 
switched over to one on. Lexington. Ave- 
nue in Manhattan. It was lodged in the 
basement of a hotel and had more hair 
lotions than any other gym in the coun- 
try. Homosexuality had not yet become 
relaxed and chic: as а result, a great 
blanket of sodomitical tension filled the 
exercise area. Contribut no small 
part were Viennese fetishists with wound- 
ed eyes who haunted the steam room. 
One had to be on the alert for unem- 
ployed actors who would suddenly leap 
up onto your shoulders, offering to weigh 
you down while you did leg extensio: 
tationed outside the steam room. the 
son of an esteemed Hollywood producer 
who offered Maseratis to anyone who 
would go up to his suite and soap 
back. 

For years, as zine editor, I had 
been cating cheese-casserole lunches with 
picture salesmen. 1 substituted my work 
outs for these and the effect was br: 
ing. The magazines concerned themselves 
with men's adventure and I was not 
beyond flexing my arms as а means of 
facing down a testy freelancer. My lunch- 
time visits to the gym were surreptiti 
in the great tradition of weightlifting 
people, I would not, upon pain of execu: 
admit to having ever set foot in a 
gym. If an associate editor admired my 
ppened to 
come up with them, 1 would say that I 
had been raking leaves. 

In order to see how you were coming 
Jong, it was customary in the gym to take 
secret sidelong glances at the mirror while 
others tactfully averted their eyes; it w: 
during one of those moments that I di 
covered that I seemed to have developed 
two bodies, cach a separate entity unto 
itself. One was a hulking affair that exist 
«а above the ; the second, below the 
helt line, was that of a normal workaday 
fellow. Clothi had become something 
of a problem. A size-44 jacket fit snugly 
across the shoulders, but the pants that 


айай» that required a squadron of 
to trim down to size. My neck had gotten 
entirely out of hand, so that 
salesmen at my favorite men’s shop began 

(concluded on page 226) 


much so 


he knew that- if he answered correcily, 
instant guruhood was only a few steps away 


fiction By ROBERT SHECKLEY 
MORTONSON RELATES that while he was 
out strolling in the foothills of the 
Himalayas one day, a tremendous voice 
that seemed to come from everywhere 
and nowhere said to him, “Hey, you.” 

"Me?" Mortonson asked. 

“Yes, you," the v 
you tell me, what is life; 

Mortonson stood, frozen in mid-stride, 
pouring perspiration, aware that he was 


having a genuine mystical experience 
and that a lot was going to depend on 
how he answered the question. 

"Fm going to need a moment or two 
for this one," he said. 

"Don't take too long," said the voice, 
reverberating hugely from all sides. 

Mortonson sat down on a rock and 
considered the situation. The god or 
demon who had asked the question surely 
knew that (concluded on page 225) 


ILLUSTRATION BY ED GOREY 


she was a stripper who had 
been around, but it took 

a woman to first turn 

her on and lenny bruce to 
show her what love was 
really all about 


from the new book 


By HONEY BRUCE 


with DANA BENENSON 


Hers was never an easy life. Phe lady 
the world has come to know ts Honey 
Bruce—beautijul stripper, ex-junkie, wife 
of Lenny Bruce, the comit some called. 
sick, others called martyrwas born Har- 
riet Jollifj in a rural area of Arkansas in 
1927. When Harriett was still a toddler, 
her father deserted her mother. At 17, she 
herself ran away—to Florida, where she 
was arrested when the boys she was with 
ripped off a service station. for pocket м. 
money. That was the beginning of а long 
road that led not merely to fame and for- 
tune but also to time served in three penal 
institutions; six abortions; one near-fatal 
ашо accident; and 16 years of addiction 
to heroin. 

Lenny Bruce is dead, victim himself of a 
drug overdose. Honey has finally kicked 
her habit. She lives in the San Francisco 
Bay Area, where she has been quit 
building her life—and writing, with 
Benenson, the book “Honey: The Life 
and Loves of Lenny's Shady Lady,” from 
which this excerpt is taken. We pick up 
her story in 1950 in Miami Beach, where, 
as Honey (continued on page 193) 


DESIGNED BY KERIG POPE 


she was a stripper who had 
been around, but it took 
a woman to first turn 

her on and lenny bruce to 
show her what love was 
really all about 


from the new book 


By HONEY BRUC 


with DANA BENENSON 


Hers was never an easy life. Phe lady 
the world has come to know йз Honey 
Bruce—beauti[ul stripper, ex-junkie, wife 
of Lenny Bruce, the comie some called 
sick, others called martyrswas born Har- 
icit Jolliff in a rural arga of Arkansas in 
4927. When Harriett was still a toddler, 
her father deserted her mother. At 17, she 
herself ran away—to Florida, where she 
was arrested when the boys she was with 
ripped off a service station for pocket 
money. That was the beginning of a long 
road thal led not merely to fame and for- 
tune but also to time served in three penal 
institutions; six abortions; one near-fatal 
aulo accident; and 16 years of addiction 
to heroin. | 

Lenny Bruce és dead, victim himself of a 
drug overdose. Honey has finally kicked 
her habit. She lives in the San Francisco 
Bay Arca, where she has been quietly ye- 
building her life—and writing, wilh 
Benenson. the book “Honey: The Life 
and Lows of Lenny's Shady Lady,” from 
which this excerpt is taken. We pick up 
her story in 1950 in Miami Beach, where, 
as Honey (continued on page 193) 


DESIGNED BY KERIG POPE 


attire By DAVID PLATT 


то ALL PARTIES of the first part пом 
hear this: Bashes will be off the wall 
this winter. Elegant dress is optional, 
with drinks and eats the order of 
the day. A. good time is guaranteed, so 
leave your worries on the doorstep; 
but don't forget to wipe your feet 


ра 


planning a holiday 
bash? here's how to 
get it all together— 
from great-looking 
clothes to 
palate-grabbing 

hors d'oeuvres to 
spirit-raising drinks 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY PETER GERT 


Below: The phantom French tickler 
strikes again—being easily recognized 

in his cotton velour pullover, by Jones 
New York, $38; acetate/nylon shirt, by 
Pascal for Kerrin, about $43; flannel 
slacks, by Trousers by Barry, about $70; 
and plaid scarf, by Corara Fashions, $10. 


t y 


Opposite: Party poppers for two, please, 
James. Followed by a three-piece 

velvet outfit, by The Tillman Organisa- 
tion, obout $195; cotton shirt with 
French cuffs, by Pierre Cardin for Eagle 
Shirtmokers, $25; and polished-polyester 
sateen tie, by Givenchy Cravates, $10. 


a 


food and drink By EMANUEL GREENBERG 


CHRISTMAS COMES but once a year! And once is enough, if 
you do it right, as the Las Vegas sage Joe E. Lewis might 
have said. But doing it right doesn't mean just another ho- 
hum reunion, offering the usual clichés of bar and board: 
wishy-washy punches— the kind of swill that gives drinking a 
bad name—buttressed by smarmy pinkandgreen hors 
d'ocuvres, beloved by caterers and suburban matrons. Hey, 


baby, this is the yuletide; make it a joyous, swinging rock 
around the clock—a one-night live-it-up that you'll need the 
rest of the year to live down. Set the tone quickly with a 
choice of inviting drinks; a Sour-mash Shandy, for example. 
that’s a stirring alliance of bourbon, beer, lemon and sweet- 
ening guaranteed to jingle your bells. Or perhaps a bracing 
Vermont Christmas built upon (concluded on page 176) 


WOMAN'S OUTFIT BY NORMA KAMALI 


Below: A-one and a-two and, ah, yes, she'll 
have one more—after all, midwinter in Manhattan 

is a bit bracing, even when you're high in the 

sky. He's feeling no pain, however, in his poly- 
ester/cotton knit pullover shi: braided/ 
tosseled deep V-neck and multicolor-trimmed barrel 
cuffs, by Mad Man Shirts, about $16; cotton 

velvet jeans with side buckles, by UFO International, 
$45; and lips pendant, by John A. Forrest, $20. 


WOMAN'S OUTFIT BY FIORUCCI 


Below: Every bash needs a mysterious femme fatale 
who has just drifted in from Mandalay, perhaps. Or 
Rangoon. Or Dubuque. Obviously, her date's mind, 
too, has drifted—perhaps to the place he bought 

his alpaco/ Orion knit buttonless cardigan evening 
sweater, about $85, cotton voile shirt, about 

$32, polyester slacks, about $55, and silk 

crepe de Chine self-patterned scarf, about $60. 
And where is that place? Peter Barton's Closet. 


О арар eee? 


WOMAN'S OUTFIT BY MARY МС FADDEN, INC. 


Below: It's whot you needed, a terrific eye, ear, 
nose and throot speciolist just off the boot 

from Budopest. And chorming, toc, in his cotton 
velour belted lounge jacket with zigzog- 

stitch trim, worn with motching pull-on slacks 
feoturing an elasticized waist and wide straight 
legs, both by Brienza for Senti Designs, obout 
$75; and o cotton knit pullover shirt with 

ring neck and banded cuffs, by Nik Nik, $20. 


Daa Bobby a 


Below: The porty's over for this pair of 

social dropouts, who opporently аге prone to 
other things. At least he’s dressed for the 
occasion, having slipped into something very 
‘comfortable—a knit pullover with stond-up 
collar, five-button-placket front and elasti- 
cized woist and cuffs, worn with matching pants 
with drawstring woist, reor patch pocket ond 
wide legs, by Pierre Cardin for Roy-Tex, $80. 


уо TI. te Б 


WOMAN'S OUTFIT BY FERNANDO SANCHEZ 


PLAYBOY 


176 


applejack and maple syrup; rum, brandy 
id passion fruit combined into a racy 
tequila-based Dirty Mother or 
just tequila taken neat, with a little 
bloody on the side, as conocedores prefer. 

Keep a good thing going with uncom- 
mon munches that complement your 
drinks and sustain resolute revelers: per 
haps sozzled Scallops Seviche, herb- 
baked chicken wings, lemony-gingery 
hacked spareribs and other such food 
fantasies. 

Soup may seem an oddball entry at a 
cocktail party, but a pot of potage sim- 
ng on the back burner can save a 
d, pos- 
sibly, em . Make it something 
heaty—a steaming Blick bean, laced 
with sherry, or perhaps a seasonal minc- 
ed pumpkin or wintei 
d, for extra zest, miniature 
meatballs, Served with a crusty French 
loaf or a whole-grain bread and sweet 
butter, it really hits the spot after a 
night of cheerful carousing. And that's 
not a bad way to wrap up a party—or, 
for that matter, a year. 

Feliz Natal, Joyeux Noél 
Christmas to all! 


SCALLOPS SEVICHE, GIBSON 


1 Ib. bay scallops 

] cup ice water 

1 tablespoon salt 

Juice of 3 limes 

1 oz. gin 

1 oz. dry vermouth 

3 tablespoons tiny pickled onions, 

a little of their liquid 

Dash white pepper 

Paprik: 

Cover scallops with ice water; stir in 
salt. Let stand for 1 hour. Rinse and 
dry. Put scallops in small bowl 
with lime juice, gin and vermouth; re- 
frigerate 3 to 4 hours. Add pickled onions 
and pepper; mix well. Arrange on chilled 
platter, preferably set in ice. Sprinkle 
with paprika. Serve with picks. 


ith 


HERB-BAKED CHICKEN WINGS 


3 Ibs. chicken wings 

14 cup medium-dry sherry 
14 cup olive oil 

2 tablespoons lemon juice 
arlic cloves, crushed 

1 teaspoon salt 

] teaspoon marjoram 
teaspoon tarragon 


% teaspoon rosemary 

14 teaspoon coarsely ground black 
pepper 

Remove and discard tips of chicken 


wings. With sharp knife, cut the wings 
t at the joint and trim away loose 

Buzz g ingredients in 
smooth. Pour over chicken 


skin. 
blender unti 


remain 


and stir to coat each piece. Arrange in 
single layer in lightly greased, foil-lined 
shallow baking pans. Place pans in pre- 
heated 425° oven: after 15 minutes; 
reduce heat to 375°. Turn wing pieces 
after they have been in oven 30 minutes. 

ake about 15 minutes longer or until 
well browned, Serve warm or cold. 


LEMON HACKED RIBS 


3-4 Ibs. spareribs 

V4 cup sugar 

2 tablespoons coi 

1 teaspoon sale 

14 teaspoon ground ginger 

14 teaspoon pepper 

34 teaspoon grated lemon rind 

2 garlic cloves, crushed 

1⁄4 teaspoon lemon extract 

зд cup water 

14 cup lemon juice 

14 Cup soy sauce 

Have butcher hack ribs into bit 
pieces. Preheat oven at 3509. Arr: 
ribs in single layer in foillined sha 
baking pan and bake 40 minutes, turning 


tarch 


mes. Drain off accumulated fat 
ter or spoon. 
ingre- 


ionally with bulb 
Meanwhile, combine remaining 
dients in small pan. Bring to а hoi 
ring olten; simmer 3 minutes. Spread 
with about half of n . Bake 20 
minutes. T'urn and spread w 
ing mixture. Bake 20 minutes more or 
until ribs are glazed and well browned. 


HUMMUS 


1 сап (20 ozs.) chick-peas 

1⁄4 cup olive oil 

Juice of 1 large lemon (about 1⁄4 cup) 

2-3 garlic doves, crushed 

Salt, pepper 

Drain chick-peas, saving some of the 
liquid. 1f desired, skins off 
chick-peas; this will give a smoother mix- 
ture. Put chickpeas, oil, lemon juice 
and garlic into blender container and 
buzz until smooth. You may have to stop 
the blender several times to scrape down 
sides. If mixture is too thick, add a couple 
of tablespoons liquid from can. Season 
with salt and pepper. Serve with pita 
bread or sesame crackers. 


slip loose 


VERMONT CHRISTMAS 


114 ozs. applejack 

14 oz. maple syrup 

114 ozs. lemon juice 

Dash grenadine, or to taste 

Shake all ingredients briskly with ice. 
Pour unstrained into highball glass. If 
the spirit moves you, add a splash of 
apple juice or club soda—or more gren- 
adine, if your taste calls for it. Garnish 
with unpeeled apple wedge. 

Nole: Use straight applejack or apple 
brandy, rather than “blended applejack," 
h is largely neutral spirits. 


THE DIRTY MOTHER 


1 oz. tequila 

34 oz. coffee liqueur 

34 oz. cream 

Shake all ingredients briskly with ice. 
Strain over fresh ice in old fashioned 
kle lightly with cinnamon, if 


HOLIDAY To: 


1% ozs. gin 

3⁄4 oz. Campari 

1 teaspoon grenadine 

Quinine wate 
. Campari and grenadine over 

in old fashioned glass. Stir well. Fill 

aish with lime 


i 
with qui 


1 oz. triple sec 

34 oz. orange j 

34 oz. lemon juice 

Dash orange bitters 

Shake all ingredi 
Pour unstrained into tall glass. С 
twist of orange peel. 


SOUR-MASH SHANDY 


1% ozs. sour-mash bourbon 

1 oz. lemon juice 

y4 tablespoon 

fine sugar 

Beer or ginger beer 

Shake bourbon, Jemon juice and syrup 
or sugar with ice. Pour unstrained i 
old fashioned glass. Top with beer 
ginger beer. If you elect ginger beer, 
which is sweeter, you might cut back on 
sugal 


aple syrup or super- 


GRAND BRETAGNE 


4 ozs. gin 
z. apricot liqueur 

ice of 14 lemon 

hes frothing, mixture 

2 dashes bitters 

Shake all ingredients with ice. St 
nto cocktail glass. Garnish with lemon 


1 
u 


SURFER 


brandy 


1 oz. light rum 
% oz. lemon juice 
V4 oz. passion-fruit syrup 


Dash grenadine 
Shake all ingredients briskly with ice. 
Strain over fresh ice in wineglass or 
snifter. Garnish with twist of lemon ресі. 
For all its swagger, the fare 
formal—easy to serve, easy to manage. 
Knives and forks are superfluous, but 
small plates are a welcome convenience. 
You might present hot, moist napki 
during the evening—certainly before the 
soup—as an extra touch of class! 


з 


SEXUAL 
CONGRESS 


arlicle By PETER ROSS RANGE 
wayne and liz went up the hill 

to find a little nooky; 

wayne fell down and broke his crown 
and liz, she wrote a booky 


If you can't get laid in Washing- 
ton, you can't get laid. —ANONYMOUS. 


“1 DIDN 


KNOW it was going to be like 
this. I just want someone to love me. 
I'm going to advertise for a boyfriend 

every time I go on a talk show.” 
Elizabeth L. Ray—yes, the Liz Ray— 
was feeling down. She had done it all: 
escaped her Appalachian North Carolina 
aggio, worked the 
studio scene in Hollywood, star-fucked her 
way through the nation’s capital, gained 
instant fame and national notoriety by 
ng the whistle (for a change) on 
her loverkeeper, Congressman Wayne 
lays And now, on this day, she had 
just published a book—The Washing- 
on Fringe Benefit—that stood to sell 
0,000 copies (continued on page 227) 

7 


A TIME AND A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING winner there over amy period of time. 
Not because Vegas is dishonest. It is the 
first honest gaming establishment in the 
history of civilization and gambling has 
existed since the beginning of man's 
recorded history. It’s just that the house 
percentage, or edge, cannot be beaten by 
an honest player. 

So ihis article will not tell you how to 
win. There is no way. It will just tell you 
how not to get killed and that is very sim 


The sailing of the Mayflower to colo- 
nize the New World was financed by a 
lottery in England, So much for our Puri- 

her 

One of the 12 Apostles was chosen by 
lot, or lottery, and it wasn't Judas. 

George Washington may never nave 
told a lie, but he gambled on anything, 
anyplace, any time. The night he crossed 
the Delaware to surprise the Hessians у i 
may have been the one night during the Ple- Never sign a marker, or JOU. Never 
Revolutionary War that he didn't play Make out a check. Just gamble with the 
cards or shoot craps. But he knew it money you take there. And be resigned to 
bad, because enlisted men were for- losing that. 
bidden to gamble. Sure, you may win on some trips. You 

As in all armies before and since, may win five, six or seven trips in a 


THE AUTHOR OF 
THE ROUES TAT ANDIN 
ARGUES THAT 


GAMBLING 

IS AS GOOD 

FOR THE SOUL AS 
IT IS BAD 

FOR THE OLD 
SAVINGS ACCOUNT 


By MARIO PUZO 


255 paid any attention to the order. том. But eventually you will get wiped 
In fact, lotteries арса raise funds to pay ош. A losing streak is more deadly than a 


178 


the Revolutionary Army. 

Yale, d and Dartmouth were 
built with funds raised by lottery. So were 
many of the first Puritan churches in 
the New World and the early schools and 
bridges. 

These facts are mentioned to forestall 
any attacks on an article about Las Vegas’ 
being unclasy or even un-American. 
Nothing can be done about the fecling 
that Vegas is an uncouth, moncygrubbing, 
sex- and sin-laden metropolis, vulgar in i 
architecture and its culture. Nothing can 
be done, because it’s hard to disprove. 
But, still, there is a time and a place for 
everything. There is a time for cham- 
pagne and a time for Coca-Cola. There 
is a time for haule cuisinc and a 
time for pizza. There is a time for James 
Joyce and a time for Agatha Christie. 
There is a time for Just and a time for 
true love. There is a time for a two-week 
celibate retreat to a monastery and а time 
for three days of gambling, boozing 
and wild women in Vegas. So an artide 
about Las Vegas can't hurt. And who 
knows? Life enters through many doors, 
so maybe a little something can be 
learned. 

I love gambling in Las Vegas, but I 
must tell you that you cannot wind up a 


winning streak is benevolent. And that's 
all you have to know about gambling 
in Las Vegas. 

Remember that 30 ycars ago, Las Vegas 
was a small town with a few Western- 
style casinos you could break with a 
50grand win. It is now a city with a 
billion-dollar gambling plant of luxury 
hotels that generates close 10 two billion 
dollars in winnings a year. Remember al 
ways: The money to build that billion- 
dollar gambling plant came from losers. 

Now that this basic truth has been 
mentioncd, something else can be said. 
On a three-day visit to Vegas, you can 

ave one of the best times of your life. 

To do that, you have to forget about 
great museums, the pleasure of reading, 
great theater, great music, stimulating 
lectures by great philosophers, great food, 
great wine and true love. Forget about 
them just for three days. Believe me, you 
won't miss them. Ye shall be as little 
children again. 


Vegas and its casinos have a mistlike, 
irytale quality. Gamblers are shielded 
from and natural light and the 
running of time so as not to distract 
them from the primary purpose. You 
аге а sleeping (continued оп page 200) 


CONSTRUCTION BY JAMES НСА 


MARKETABLE: The 
nearest things the 
movie industry has 
to sure box-office 
bets: Clint East- 
wood (left, in The 
Outlaw Josey Wales). 
coming soon in 
The Enforcer; Jack 
Nicholson (right, in 
The Missouri Breaks), 
who's now on view 
in The Last Tycoon; 
James Caan (below 
right), of Harry and 
Walter Go to New 
York, due next in 
the World War Two 
spectacle A Bridge 
Too Far; Burt Rey- 
nolds (below cen- 
ter, getting several 
helping hands in 
Silent Movie), who 
is following Gator 
with Nickelodeon 
and Smokey and the 
Bandit; and Robert 
Redford (belowleft), 
superstar of All 
the President's Men, 
who's also in A 
Bridge Too Far. 


NEW MODELS: If they weren't making it as actresses, as they have 
been, these four could —and have—cut the mustard as models. Victoria 
Principal (above), last seen in Vigilante Force and I Will, 1 Will... for 
Now, won't anymore; she has retired to become an agent. But both 
still and movie cameramen clamor for Jessica Lange (top right), of King 
Kong; Margaux Hemingway (bottom right), of Lipstick; and ex-Playboy 
Bunny Lauren Hutton (below), of Gator, Welcome to L.A. and the up- 
coming Viva Knievel!, in which she appears with the redoubtable Evel. 


PERIOD PIECES: Cos- 
tume dramas attracted 
many actors and ac- 
tresses duringthe past 
twelvemonth. Chief 
amongthem wasStan- 
ley Kubrick's Barry 
Lyndon, a film realiza- 
tion of a Thackeray 
novel starring Marisa 
Berenson (above left) 
and Ryan O'Neal (with 
a bevy of brothel 
beauties, above right). 
Another classic—this 
one by Henry (Tom 
Jones) Fielding—will 
arrive onscreen soon. 
It's Tony Richardson's 
interpretation of 
Joseph Andrews, with 
Ann-Margret (right) in 
18th Century décol- 
letage. And the first 
pirate thriller in years, 
Swashbuckler, brought 
us French-Canadian 
actress Genevieve 
Bujold (menacing 
Beau Bridges, at left). 


BUSY BODIES 

these people ever re- 
lax? We saw Karen 
Black (right) in Burnt 
Offerings, Crime and 
Passion and Family Plot 
this year. Raquel Welch 
filmed Mother, Jugs & 
Speed and was cast in 
a Prince and the Pauper 
remake but made 
more news with her 
revue (below right). 
One nightin Baltimore, 
Raquel's top fell down, 
revealing her spectac- 
ular superstructure. 
Alas, no photographer 
recorded the event. 
Robert De Niro (below 
left), compelling in 
Martin Scorsese's Taxi 
Driver, did 1900 for 
Bernardo Bertolucci, 
The Last Tycoon for 
Elia Kazan and a 
musical—New York, 
New York—again for 
Scorsese. Jacqueline 
Bisset (left) starred 
in End of the Game, 
Le Magnifique, St. Ives, 
The Sunday Woman 


and is due in The Deep 
and The Greek Tycoon. 


HARD & SOFT CORPS: Cooling their acts are former porno stars Harry 
Reems and Marilyn Chambers (above) and French soft-core queen 
Sylvia (Emmanuelle) Kristel (below). Both Reems and Chambers ran 
afoul of the law, he for appearing in Deep Throat, she for dancing nude 
atan L.A. theater while waiting to begin a non-X movie. Kristel, mean- 
while, made two nonsexy films: René la Canne and La Femme Fidèle. 


IT'S ALL RELATIVE: Good genes will tell, or so it seem: 

when one looks at today's bumper crop of second-genera- 
tion stars. Jayne Mansfield's daughter, Jayne Marie 
(above), has a role in The Great Balloon Race; Jean-Pierre 
Aumont's offspring Tina (below right) appears in Fellini's 
Casanova and A Matter of Time; and Taryn Power (below 
left), Tyrone's girl, plays opposite Dennis Hopper in Tracks. 


= 


P = 
| 


| 


AL 


DL 


“You can afford 
to go ‘Ho, ho, ho’; 
yours is a pillow!" 


THE VARGAS GIRL 


166) 


Honey (continued from pa 


Harlow, she had landed a job as a stripper 
at the Chez Paree. 


t the Chez Paree, 1 
1949, canary-yellow 
ple. Right away, I had it 
completely upholstered in Ieopardskin. A 
commerci; fr 
side door а foot-high 
me wearing just my pasties 
with my fl vd hair touching my 
toes. Under the drawing, he printed in 
gold letters, пот HONEY HARLOW. Outra- 
‘ous, A clasic ego trip, but somehow it 
fu—for the times and for mc. 

The six months I spent at the Chez 
were very productive for me. I found my- 
self able to really enjoy the sensuality of 
my body as, little by litle, I languorous- 
ly removed first one piece of clothing and 
then another 
was down to 
and pasties, 
Covered my n 
brown arcola 
m club, with conservative customers. 
As a featured dancer there, 1 had no 
trouble finding men. Neither did my 
roommate Bobbi, the female imperson 
ator; in fact, we finally decided to split 
up and get separate apartments when we 
found out we were dating the same man! 

Alter a while, I was beginning to get 
bored with the Chez. I heard of an open 
ing for an exotic dancer at a big club in 
Panama thar was owned and opi 
a young womi Mi: 
sent some cight-by-ten glosses and 
plied for the job. 1 was accepted—but at 
the lust moment had second thoughts 
about working in a foreign country and 
decided to stay in Miami Beach. 

Га settled back into my routine at the 
Chez when, one night, а waitress came 
backstage to tell me that I had been asked 
to have drink with a woman seated 
toa ringside table. P hesitated. 
т before had a woman asked me for a 
drink. Was this some irate wile, pistol 
her purse and megaphone at her mouth? 
I had the waitress point the lady out to 
me from the wings. She was very pretty. 


The furthest 1 stripped 


string, bikini bottom 
ound cones that just 
nd their pinkish- 


about 30, with shoulderlength brown, 
wavy 1 la Barbara Stanwyck, Even 
fiom backstage, I could sce she was wear- 
ing some lovely pieces of jewelry—rings, 


bracelets, gold and topaz, No wom: 
looking for a fight would risk wearing ex 
pensive jew 1 told the 
waitress to say I'd join her for a drink. 
The room was crowded with noisy dı 
crs, but the stranger's voice, smooth and 
deep, cut throu 1 cllortlessly. 
“Hi, Honey. I'm ders. from 
Panama. ГИ never completely trust a 
photosraph again. Your pictures are 
beautiful, but they don't do you justice!” 


dry to the bout, s 


She ordered. champagne cocktails for two 
and turned back to me, a soft, slightly 
sellmocking smile flickering back and 
forth across her lips. “You turned down 
the job I offered you. I'm a very deter- 
mined person. I decided to meet you—in 
the flesh. 

1 was impressed. I was used to men 
promising me everything and giving me a 
ver, but this was the first time I'd 
had someone travel from a foreign coun- 
пу just to see me—and it was a lady, not 


The dull roar of the room drifted away 
om our table, like early-morning fog 
ng from the warmth of the sun. We 
joked a lot, teasing each other. Iris loved 
to laugh: her Cupid’s-bow lips seemed 
permanently. turned. up at the corners. 
There was no escaping this lady's mag- 
netism. 1 was having a great time and I 
didn't want it to end 

Suddenly, it was time for my next 
show. Iris leaned across the table, runni 
her hand lightly back and forth over 
my wrist as her eyes looked into mine 

“Ha fter you're 
through.” Her soft smile was like an elec- 
wic heater, sending out sweet ripples of 
warm sensuality filled with longing that 
hit me like waves on the beach, covering 
me from head to 102 with tiny tingles of 
excitement. Of course Id join her for 
breakfast, I said. 

As E moved seductively onto the stage. 
the icy splash of the twin follow spots 
moving with me blinded me, as always 
But I could feel Iris’ eyes on me, ding- 
ng, caressing my body as, piece by piece, 
its covering dropped away. I wanted to 
do the best show of my life. It was the 
first (and only) time that I longed to go 
all the way, to dance and writhe my way 
out of everything until there was noth 
ш my body except the 
they followed me, playing on my breast 
my belly and thighs, then back 
- I totally involved myself in the 
sensuality 1 was creating, The top of my 
gown peeled away from my breasts, I 
moved my hands over them, touching 
their round sofmess with my finger tip: 
offering them delicately out to the aud 
ence. And for an instant, to Iris, barely 
visible through the haze of lights. 1 could 


feel an urgency, like electricity, втомі 

inside me. I pranced slowly over by Iris’ 
able and turned away, pulling my gown 
from my body and hole front of 


me. Arching my back, I slowly squeezed 
my buttocks together, then relaxed, ће 
ding my legs. 


squeezed tight again. Spr 
1 bumped and ground а t 
of love to an invisible demon waiting in 
the darkness toward the rear of the stage. 
Although my back was 10 the audience. 
new they and Iris were watching my 
bouom—naked except for a band ої 


down betwe 
hs as delicate 
shudders of excitement ran through them. 
Suddenly, I whirled around, playing hide- 
ndseek with my body behind the gown 
held out in front of me like a screen 
I danced faster, faster, and then it was 
over. I. pulled the gown completely aw 
from my body lor one sweet instant be- 
fore the 
stage, the applause told me what I al 
ready knew—I'd nev д 
After my number, impatient to be with 
Iris 1 slipped into а dotted-swiss, olf 
the shoulder blouse and а royal-blue skirt. 
In my hast 
and left my pas 
It was t evening. We сац 
tha Raye’s show at the Five O'Clock 
Club, checked a couple of strippers Iris 
: g of hiring at the Paddock 
1 blintzes at Wolfics on Col 
Finally, we caught a cab to 
І had the 
free use of a penthouse suite for iw 
weeks, in appreciation for my ha 
represented the hotel in a beauty coutes 
I knew Iris wanted to make love to me 
Was 1 really going to ler her? What 
would my mother say if she found ош? 
The penthouse expres elevator 
squished to a discreet stop. g and 
giggling, will a litle booz all we 
had drunk the n 
our 


room went da 


lins Avenue. 
the beach-ront hotel. where 


the cn 
‚ our toes deep in 
ness. Out of breath 
dizzy, we fell onto the mammoth Ыис 

velvet bed. 
dris ra tongue lightly over 
neck and shoulders, nibbling aud lickin: 
her way along the edge of my scooped 
neck blouse. Her slim. tapered fingers 
fondled my breasts through the thin 
cloth, Then she softly crawled directly 
on top of me, g everything she 
could reach with her mouth while her 
hands busied themselves with the buttons. 
pers, snaps and straps on her clothing. 
Шу, she knelt over me, her slim, soft 
body naked except for brief, shockiny 
Beaming her Mona 
Lisa smile at me, she began to rotate he 
pussy on the soft flesh of my upper thigh 
while she took off my clothes, She bent 
over and sucked at my belly with her 
mouth and her tongue, her hand lightly 
brushing the soft nest of red hair between 
thighs, turning it into dandelion full 
1 а summer breeze. 
Slowly she began to lift off my right 
pastie, all the while rubbing her pussy 
long my thigh as she straddled it. She 
started to deep iñ her threat, “Oh, 
baby, oh, baby, oh. baby." I could feel the 
hot wetness of her pussy coming through 
her silk pani The moment she peeled 
the silver pastie from my right nipple. 
I felt it harden into а tight rosebud. 
(continued on page 208) 


shoes and r round on 


her 


Fin 


193 


PLAYBOY 
MUSIC 
POLL 


cast your ballot for your jazz, rhythm-and-blues, 
pop/rock and country-and-western favorites 


IT NEVER FAILS. ИЛЇ happen again next April when 
the results of this poll come out, Guaranteed. Every 
year, when we publish the names of our Music Poll 
winners, we get а bunch of mumbling and grumbling 
aimed our ‘Are you kidding? Olivia Newton- 
Whoz" Best Guitarist? You gotta be deal! 
Roy Rogers could blow him off the stage any time!" 

Now, our lives arc hard enough without this sort of 
unwarranted e Playmate shootings and 
long lunches at French restaurants to worry about. 
The tough stuff. 

And we don't deserve it, anyway. Don't you remem- 
ber your Sophocles? It’s very bad form to disembowel 
the messenger bringing bad news. Or to call him up 
and snarl at him over the phone. Like Sergeant Friday, 
if not Charlie Chan or Boston Blackie, we just report 
the facts, ma'am. This is pure, old-fashioned democracy 
here—and what you don’t vote for is what you don't 
get. The burden is on you 

This is the second year for the Improved Compact 
Version of our poll. We've broken it down into four 
main sections, with appropriate categories for each 
one. We came up with the lists of names in cach cate- 
gory chiefly from last year's top finishers, with some 
additions to allow for the new kids in town. 

If the name of your particular favers 
appear where you think it should, don't sta 
that hate letter. You can write in his/her 
please, only one per category—our bleeding eyes will 


like all computers, ours isn't very bright. It 
ds only numbers: anyth 


else confus 
So whenever you cin—which should be in most 
please use the number in front of the name of your 
pick. Merle Haggard may not seem like good ole 
number nine to you, but that's who he is to our elec- 
tronic wonder. 

Our dumb computer thanks you. 

And, by the way, to all of you out there who want to 
stuff our ballot boxes with copies of the official ballot 
that’s on the facing page, forget it—our computer 
won't count any but the real thing, 

Don't forget to fill out the back of the ballot—where 
you can vote for a Music Hall of Famer and for Best 
LPs—and supply us with your all-important name and 
address. If you don't give us those and/or if you don't 
get your ballot in the mail to Playboy Music Poll, 
Playboy Building, 919 N. Michigan Avenue, Chicago, 
Illinois 60611, before midnight, December 15, 1976, you 
will have written on water. So let's move 10 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY GEORGE EISNER 


asas CUT ALONG THIS LINE 


BALLOT 


Put dewn the NUMBERS of listed candidates you 


MALE VOCALIST 


FEMALE VOCALIST 


COMPOSER 


^ GROUP 


POP/ROCK 


MALE VOCALIST 


FEMALE VOCALIST 


GUITAR 


KEYBOARDS 


DRUMS 


~ BASS 


COMPOSER 


GROUP 


JAZZ 


MALE VOCALIST 


FEMALE VOCALIST. 


BRASS 


WOODWINDS 


KEYBOARDS 


VIBES 


GUITAR 


BASS 


PERCUSSION 


COMPOSER 


GROUP 


COUNTRY-AND-WESTERN 


MALE VOCALIST 


IALE VOCALIST 


~ PICKER 


COMPOSER 


SEE THE NEXT TWO PAGES FOR A LIST 
OF NAMES YOU CAN USE AS A GUIDE 
IN FILLING OUT THIS MUSIC BALLOT. 


LIST YOUR CHOICES IN THE 1977 PLAYBOY MUSIC POLL 
ON THE ACCOMPANYING BALLOT 


RHYTHM-AND-BLUES 14. Bob Marky & . José Feliciano 
Male Vocalist the Wa Peter Frampton 
15. Harold Melvin & Jerry Garcia 
1. Robby Bland Blucnotes George Harrison 
2. James Brown 16. ME SR. . Steve Howe 
3. Solomon Burke 17. Ohio Players Terry Kath 
1. Jerry Butler 18. OTavs B, В. King 
5. Ray Charles 10. Parliament -Funkadelic Alvin L 
©. Marvin Gaye 20, Sisters Dave Mason 


AL Gre 
Donny Hatha 
Isaac Hayes 
pots Hibbert 
Eddie Kendricks 


Ted Nugent 
. Jimmy Page 
2 Keith Richard 


ily Stone 


ay 


Barry White David Benes 


Krian Auger 


Trower 
30. Wonderlove Joc Walsh 
Winter 
POP/ROCK 
Male Vocal 
1. Gregg Allman Keyboards 
Sly Stone 2 Paul Anka 
je Ta 3. Captain Beefheart Gregg All 
1 


Mill Withers Jackson Browne з. Booker T 
Bobby Womack Harry Chapin 4; Jacks 
Stevie Wonder David Clayton-Thomas | > 


& Joe Cock ©. 
Female Vocalist 9. Alice Cooper T: esac Hayes 
Roger Daltrey X. Nicky Hopkin 
Neil Diamond. 9. Garth Hudson 
a d ап. 10. Elton John 
f ick Tagger : 
M on John 
E = iT Currey 
5 S 
> 2 g 
ш = E ly Knight Randy Newman 
т z E n McCrse . Billy Presion 
Е = = Moore Todd Rundgren, 
in E E! штеп Russell 
I" 5 о man 
2 4 ات‎ z Winter 
mm z =| © Stevie Winwood 
8 = » = Se a gsteen Stevie Wonder 
E = 5 E z Cat Stevens Gary Weight 
57 B m Rod Stewart Neil Young 
Í м z © is Staples aylor 
е 2 о 2 E 3 M Syreeta ie Valli Drums 
= E a E lina Turner Gary Wright 
а mE z Z 1 Dionne Warwicke. - Neil Young, 1. Ginger Baker 
zz 2 3 x Betty Wright э 
ох o х a Fomole Vocalist i Rill нншон 
E: & Z |5 
Ee Composer 1. Jim Capaldi 
E & а Karen Carpenter. 
$5 © р 1. Nicholas Ashford- б. Bobby Colomby 
[987] E [S Valerie Simpson. 7. Avnsley Dunbar 


Thom Belt П 
3. Johnny Bristol о. 

1. James Brown 10. 5 

5. Bobby Eli 11. Jai Jokanny Johanson 


ble Leon Huff 12. BIL Kreutzmann 


E ü 

Е 10. Carole Rin "n 

3 11. Melisa M n 

E 12: Christine MeV n 

E + Melam 17 

E 3 Note Miller їн. Nigel Olsen 
= 


19. Carl Palmer 


address must be printed here to authenticate ballot. 


Bernard Purdie 


Count Basie, Dave Brubeck, 
Jimi Hendrix, Mick Jag- 


ic Clapton, John Coltrane, Miles Davis, 
o Duke Ellington, Ella. Fitzgerald, Benny 


с Poll, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michigan Ave 


E $E 

z = 

E эў 

Li за 

> & s 

t EC 

x E 

By = БЕ 

МЕ Nes Jolm 

EE EB 

88 ii: Wilson 
Bet Ste 18. Bill Withers 
FEE. ФУ 10. Bobby Womack Stevie Wonder 
aes E EC 20, Stevie We s 
b SY RAS Group 
Sees E285 i Jack Bruce 
4383 TE gz E Average White Rand Streisand 

SEE Bm Es = Blackbyrds 
45 è = +a Б Bootsy's Rubber Band Guitar 
E cud E a | Commodores D 
>» Seige ross 2 5 Wind & Fire L. JON Beck ©. Jolin Entwistle 
OG JESTES = © n Central Station | 2 Chuck Berry 7. Wilton Felder 
mes S588 55 Y E 7. The Heptones 3. Richard Beus В. Jim Fielder 
СЕНСЕ С E ys 8. Isley Brothers 1. Ritchie Blackmore ti. Larry Graha 
« 53552955 $ > 9. Jacksn 5. Row Buchanan 10. Rick G 
ый сс: Ж ЖЕ F 25 10. Gladys Knight & the Pips mex Barton 11. John Paul Jones 
BSETESCLEE * 0 


П. Rool & the Gang 
т. Labelle 
13. Love Unlimited Orchestra | 9 


Eric Clapton. 12. John Kahn 
ick Derr 13. Jim Laird 
14. Greg Lake 


Phil Lesh, 
i. Paul McCartney 
Carl Кайе 


Klaus Voormann 
Willie Weeks 
Bill W 


Composer 


ın Anderson 
Jackson Browne 
md 


. Bob Dy 
George. Harrison 
ick Jagger 
Elton John- 


Frank Zappa 
28. Warren Zevon 


Brothers Band 
x Rhythm Aces 


h Boys 

с Gees 
penters 

ago 


Light Orchestra. 
Emerson, Lake & Palmer 
Fleetwood Mac 

Grateful Dead 
18. Jelferson Stars! 
Kiss 
Led Zeppelin 

21. Loggins & Messina 


Steely Da 
Tower of 


1 Scott-Heron 
Frank Sinatra 


Herbi 
Hamp 
Earl "Fatha 
Dick Hyman 
- Ahmad Jamal 
Bob James 

. Keith Jarre 
Ra 


19. Joc Williams 
- Jimmy Witherspoon. 


Female Vocalist 


ater 


Simone 3. Victor Feldman 
k ¢ Snow 4. Terry Gibbs 
Barbra Streisand 5. Lionel Hampton 
Sarah Vaugh: 6. Bobby Hutcherson 
Nancy Wilson + Milt Jackson 
Mike 
pm Montgowery 
Red Nos 


Brass 


Nat Adderley 
Herb Alp 
3. Chet Bak 
4. Randy Bres 


n 7. Charlie Byrd 
Wayne Henderson В. Larry Coryell 
Freddie Hubbard 9. M DiMcola 
b 


\ К Mangione 
. Blue Mitchell 


Doc Severinsen 
| Woody Shaw 
Clark Terry 
j. Bill Watrous 


Woodwinds 


32. Howard 
. Melvin Spa 
Szabo 


lio Castillo 
Lockjaw" 


- Joe Byrd 
в. aner 
7. Stanley Clarke 


8. Bob Cranshaw 
Art Davis 
10. Chuck Do 


son 
- Dave Holland. 

I. Carol Kaye 

- Charles Mingus 


Y 
. Carl Radle 

. Rufus Reid 

j. Miroslav Vitous 


George Duke. Percussion. 
г Mill Evans 


Hal Blaine 


10, 


6. Billy Cobham 
7. Alan Dawso 
incite 
Guerin 
jolt 
Stix Hooper 
Elvin Jones 
Jones 
Mel Lewis 
Harvey Mason 
Aino Moreira 
Joe Morello 
. Alphonse M. 
чау Rich 
Max Roach 
Mongo Santamaria 
Grady Tate 


Mose Allison 
Carla Bley 
Oscar Brown, Jr. 
Dave Brubeck 
Stanley Clarke 


Deodato 
4. Gil Evans 
10. Herbie Hancock 


Carlos Jobim 
Ahmad [ones 


. Crusaders 
Miles Davis 
Deodato 

. Paul Desmond. 


Quincy Jones 
Thad Jon ei- Mel Lewis 


ew York Jat О 
Reni to Forever 


Buddy Rich 


|. Weather Repo 


Young: Holt U 
COUNTRY-AND-WESTERN 
Mole Vocalist 


Bobby Tare 


3. Glen Ca 
4. Jolmny Cash 
5. Roy Clark 


John Denver 


Johnny Rodrigucr 
Ray Stevens 


1 ү 
joy Jett Walker 


Female Vocolist 


Barbi Be 
Judy Call 
3. Jessi Colter 
1. Donna Fargo 


». Linda Hargrove 
6. Emmylou Harris 
Brenda Lec 


П 
Dottie West 
y Wynette 


. Roy Clark 
Vassar Clements 
6. Curly Ray Cline 
7. Ry Cooder 
Pete Drake 

Jolm Fahey 
Lester Flatt 
Johnny Gimble 
Josh Graves 
Lloyd Gree 
John Hartford. 
Sonny James 

, Leo Kottke 


3. Glen Campbell 
1 


Doc Watson 
Reggie Young 


Composer 


1. Hoyt Axton 


Willie Nelson 
Johnny Rodrig 
Shel Silverstein 


197 


YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS... 


... and he’s a dirty old man 


“Ho, ho, ho! Wanna see the North Pole?” “Remember, it’s a busy night for me—you 
can't expect a lot of foreplay.” 


“Golly, here'sa really cute one! 
It says, ‘Dear Santa... . ” 


"Now, Dancer, now, Prancer, on, 


Cupid and Comet!" 


PLAYBOY 


LAS VEGAS каро page 178) 


beauty waiting for the prince of good 
fortune. It is not too important that your 
pockets are being emptied while you 
dream. You are glad to pay the price. 
You even feel you are getting a bargain. 
At night, the scene is breath-takingly 
vulgar. The small city is lit up with 
literally millions of dollars’ worth of neon 
surrounded by desert. On the horizon, 
formi 
the city, 
the magic ring. Alter a good free dinner 
with brandy, you saunter down the Strip, 


breathing in the desert air, seeing the 


great names—Frank Sinatra, Buddy Hack- 
ett, Don Rickles, Ann-Margret, Shirley 
MacLainc—emblazoned in gold and red 
on electric signs four stories high. You 
ave your choice of casinos, the red plush 
nd white togas of Caesars Palace, the 
classy, bluish Tropicana casino, the deep- 
er red plush of MGM, the chandeliered. 
Hilton; or you can go into downtown 
Vegas, Glitter Gulch, the Western garish 
of the Four Queens, the Golden Nugget, 
ion's Horseshoe and The Mint. Awed, 
you сапу inside you the hope, the 
fierce desire that not only is this all free 
their money. Who could 
mers come 
from J a, the Argentine, 
Mexico, Estonia, Los Angeles and all of 
the United States. 

Statistics have been compiled, surveys 
. 1 distrust them, but personal obser- 
jon sort of makes me believe Vegas 
i re mostly true. (Remember, 
everything connected with gambling is 
suspect. But you might say that about pol- 


Anyway, 96 percent of the people who 
go to Vegas say they enjoy their visit. A 
very imeresting statistic, because it is 
certain that 90 percent of the visitors 
to Vegas leave as losers. No sweat; the 
customers are loyal. Thirty percent of 
those interviewed claim they visit Vegas 
twice a year or more, (How can they 
afford it? verage length of stay is 
four days. This has to be true. No gam- 
bler can afford to there more than 
four j, but after three 
ad. economi- 


est and this is logical. People have to go 
10 work for the money they will lose at 
the tables. 

You'll have the best chance to w 
Vegas 
the five-r.M. plane from Los An; 
leave Vegas on the midnight plane. For 
Hong Kong, if necessary. 


THE MORALITY OF САЛ 


BLING 


Everything T have ever read or h 


200 told about why people gamble is just 


plain bullshit. Some psychiatrists claim 
gambling is masochistic, that gamblers 
nt to lose to punish themselves. Sure, 
some do. Some people like to jump off 
the Empire State Building, But millions 
zo up to look at the view. What is true 
that there are guys who can win 50 or 
100 grand and keep on gambling and then 
wind up losing. They are known almost 
affectionately as "degenerate gamblers.” 
1 was one on а small scale. (I once walked 
out of a Vegas casino with ten grand in 
cash) My biggest win was $30.000 at 
baccarat, but that didn't count, because 
I owed the hotel that amount in n 
crs, so 1 just traded in the cash for my 
IOUs. But in my very worst 
only a mildly degenerate gambler, which 
gives me an understanding, I th 
the syndrome. It’s not that you want to 
lose the money back; it's just that you 
cannot believe it possible to lose. When 
winning, you are convinced God loves 
you and that some inne n enables 
you to pick those numbers that are about 
to appear magically as the red dice come 
to а stop, as a dealer unlocks a bluc- 
backed card. 

A winning belief 
your own infallibility. Why stop now? 
Also, what nongamblers do not know is 
the fecling of virtue (there is no other 
word to describe it) when the dice roll as 
one commands And that omniscicnt 
goodness when the card you need rises to 
the top of the deck to greet your de- 
lighted yet confident eyes. It is as close 
as 1 have ever come to a religious feeling 
or to being a wonder-struck child. 

. 

How come our moraliss don't. h 
about the stock market? I bet craps, 
blackjack, keno, roulette. I bet basket- 
ball, football, baseball, boxing. I even 


lost $1000 on a tennis match, betting 
st Billie Jean Ki 


Bobby Riggs aga 
(Male-chauvinist father against women's 
lib daughter.) With horse racing, I have 
а snobbish d ing my fate in 
ihe hands of I—lovable, it's 
true, but not that intelligent. With the 
stock market, 1 feel the same way I once 
did gambling with a friend who owned 
a marked deck. He promised not to read 
the markings when we played casino. He 
beat me ten games in a row. This aston- 
ished me. (As a teenager, I had won my 
neighborhood candy store in three days 
of solid casino playing) So I went out 
and bought ап unmarked deck and won 
my money back. The stock market is the 
same, You give your moncy to a bunch 
of guys who have promised the SEC they 
d the ings 
. 

How lonely old people are. How hard 

it is to make close friends: When you are 


wont 


n age, the juice to love your 
fellow man seems to evaporate. And 
we all know, no matter what our age, 
that younger relatives find older people 
burdensome 

And so it seems strange to me that 
writers and intellectuals single out old 
women playing slot machines in Vegas 
as objecis to ridicule and use them as 
examples of our decadent sc 


tense as children, waiting for cascading 
silver t fall into their laps, oblivious 
for those few hours of approaching death. 
Yet they are reproached for not worry- 
ing about the coming atomic war, the 
destruction of the world's ecology, the 
pollution of the stratosphere, 

Why should they give a fuck? They 
have lived their lives and they have paid 
their penalties. 

OK, maybe that’s why old people gam- 
ble. But wi about children? Here, 1 
can speak n from firsthand expe: 
ence. I spent a good part of my childhood 
ambling. I taught my children to gamble 
at an early age. I'm an expert оп why 
children gamble. They gamble because 
they are greedy. They want to have every- 
thing and are astonished when they don't 
get it. To me, this is the most obvious 
characteristic of the gambler. It is a form 
of infantilism. And here in, I must 
say that 1 don't think this is altogether 
bad in adults. It is a m (a d 
mistake) to structure your life on a form 
of infantilism, but a little bit can help 
get you through it with a little less p: 


to my teens, I was playing poker with 
very tough adults beneath lampposts in 
the streets of New York or behind the 
ig with the local 
rm punks and nickeland-dime 
stick-up artists, 1 had the infantile aud 
ity to cheat. I dealt the ace of spades 
from the bottom of the deck; 1 stacked 


the cards; I went light in the stud-poker 
pot. 
1 was an unskillful cheat. A simple cut 


would ruin my stacked deck, but 1 would 
“forget” 10 offer the cards to be cut. My 
age placed me above suspicion. Later, 
when I taught my children to play poker, 
1 never let them deal the cards. without 
cutting the deck. You kid 
gamblers. 

АП parents should teach their chil- 
dren curd games, mainly because they 
are a great prep n for the disappoint- 
ments of life. child has drawn to 
an inside stra nd missed, he will 
understand t is not all. peaches 
and а that same child 
loses a sure. ha pat hand, he 

(continued on page 224) 


can't 


trust 


MERCEDES-BENZ SSK. 


* The siren call of the open 


road could truly be 
experienced in this 1929 
Corsico-bodied drophead 
coupe; under its hood, 
there lurked the legendary 
bonshee-wail Roots-type. 
blower that boosted 

its hp from 140 to 200. 


article By BROCK YATES 


Among the footnotes to the great American 

Bicentennial, it will he noted that 1976 

marked the end of the domestically produced convertible. 
The final expression of this special breed of automobile 
came in the form of the Cadillac Eldorado, a 

leviathan intended to sell for about 

$12,000 but whose desirability in the face of extinction 
escalated its black-market price to almost 

20 grand. The demise of the Eldo convertible 


by no means ends the ragtop 


[ЇЇ 


= 


in the market place. Nearly a dozen models remain, 
ranging from the compact and lovable MGs to the 
regal, preposterously priced ($67,500) Rolle-Royce 
Corniche. But the fact is that the convertible's classic 
role as the ultimate form of automotive frivolity 

and wretched excess has ended. There was a day not so 
long ago when the ragtop was the supreme statement 


of every auto maker—his convertibles, roadsters, cabriolets, 
etc, were the most expensive and prestigious versiona 


PACKARD SPEEDSTER. 
Of the 150 

Packard Speedsters 
(ей) manufactured in 
the early Thirties, only 
18 are known to still be 
around. Should you 
stumble on a 19th—ond 
be able to part with 

the lovely creature— 
your financial future 
would be pleasantly 
secure, as the model is 
highly sought 

by the big-wheel 
automobile collectors. 


Ше 


BUGATTI 41 ROYALE. 
Presently on display ot 
Dearborn's Henry Ford 
‘Museum, this exquisitely 
proportioned monster (below), 
with its incredible 169” 
wheelbase and 24” wheels, 
was truly the king of the 

road, Built in 1930, the car— 
а collector's Koh-i-noor 
diamond—was discovered 

in 1943 quietly rotting ino 
Long Island junk yard. 


DUESENBERG SJ. 
One lock at this. 
1933 boat-tailed 

SJ speedster ond 

it's easy to under- 
stand how the old 
slang accolade 

“It's a Duesie™ 

came about, With 

its lightweight 
custom body built 

by the firm of 
Schwartz & Company 
and its straight-eight, 
supercharged 
engine, the 

5) could hit 130 mph. 
Four exhaust pipes 
assured that the 
performance did not 
go unnoticed. 


of his wares—but that has 

changed. Sedans and hardtops 

have taken the place of the convertible 

and, considering the hard reality 

of safety, production costs and 

shifting consumer interest, it is 

hard to imagine a time when 

it will experience a renaissance. 
Therefore, to fully appreciate 

the impact of the convertible, 


we've got to spiral back in time, ` 
perhaps 40 ycors. The great 
(continued on page 266) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARO FEGLEY / ILLUSTRATIONS BY KINUKO Y. CRAFT 


206 


^is 


at king- 
there lived a wise 


aly in his reign by 
ng cities, pacifying provinces, 
strengthening laws and founding un 
sities, he tumed to more 
pursuits. One of them was 
concubine, the beautiful M 
charmed him with highly spiced accounts 
of the adventures of the ladies of the 
court. But, she informed him, there lived 
a genie named Cucufa, now а from 
the world, who knew much, much more. 

They discovered Cucufa seated on a 
п his cave, an owl at his feet and 
nd mice running all about. After 
he'd heard the princes question, he pro- 
duced a ring. "When you put this on your 
wer and turn it around, you will be 
transported wherever you wish in your 
kingdom. When you turn it in the pres 
nce of а lady, she will be, 
frankly—not with her upper mor 
you, but with that lower one ladies deli- 
cately call their ‘jewel: 

When Mangogul and. Mirzoza returned 
‚ they found the court ladies 
icing the cavagnole. 
decided to test the 
ona! ul lady 
1 just married an 


delicious 
his favorite 


Mangogul at once 


powers of the ring 
named. Alcine, who 
emir. To everyone's astonishment, a voice 
suddenly was heard beneath her petti- 
coats, saying, "What a deal of trouble Т 
this halfwit emir 
well, anything for a title.” АШ the 
grew pale at this candor and the embar 
rassed emir fled the room. 
Meine. of course, became famous. and 
the subject of much study. 
The Academy of Sciences met in solemn 
conclave to discuss the phenomenon of 
wdiscreer jewels. The great physician, 
Olibri, advocate of the vorticose theory, 
argued with the [amous geometer, Cir 
cino, promoter of the atfractionaire theory. 
"The noted anatomist, Orcotome, averred 
that the intimate female organ, in Greek 
called the delphus, has the properties of 


the trachea and can, therefore, speak as 
well as the mouth. So capable is it of di 
tention and contraction that it may even 


break into song. he observed. 


Mc Mangogul had whisked 
himself to a ladics card party, where the 
brelandièr losing fortunes ar faro. 


Mangogul tried. his the hostess. 


ing on 
great sum. 
the jewel spoke 


“Without me,” 
mistress would be bankrupt. She lost 


ip. “my 


10,000 ducats to а financier, then another 
10,000 to an abbé. So what did we do?— 
took on another lover. Thirty times 
anth, she'd bet me on the turn. of th 
cards.” The jewel sighed, 


from Les Bijoux Indiscrets, by Denis Diderot, 1748 


Off now to the Banza opera, the prince 
turned his ring on the female singers. 
They became mute, but their jewels sud- 
denly produced whole arias. One girl's 
jewel sang touchingly, “Oh, no, not for the 
twelfth timel—but who is fucki 
dearest? Is it you, Blaise?” The 
was in disorder; the manager rang the 
curtain down. But it did prove the truth 
of Orcotome's theo 

Meanw! n priests from 
their pulpits denounced the women, say- 
Hear the evil that these talking 
ve confessed—swollen pride, 

al loves! Forsike ye the 
d accept the sweet laws 


1 to be done, in this des- 
perate situation, to silence the hysterics of 
the 1 s, and so Eolipile, а member of 
the Royal Society of Monoegmugi, in- 
vented a kind of muzzle and made a for- 
tune thereby. Fashionable ladies flocked 
to buy them until, to their horror, they 
discovered that the muzzles eventually 
made their crotches too sore to endur 
any friction in that r One кота 
jewel was so smothered that she swelled 
up and nearly burst before could be 
removed. The women abandoned their 
muzles 

One day, Mangogul played his trick on 
Thelis, the young and beautiful wife of 
1 elderly general. Thelis’ jewel cried out, 
ine explosions of love in four hours! 
apture! What a stud my dear Zer 
jounzoid is! To say nothing of last 
winter, when I took thrusts from a whole 
regiment of swordsmen—Gaul, Jekis 
Selim and the others T remember that 
poor general who went to the front so 


dizzy from my squ that he sent 
3000 soldiers to their deaths!" "This last 


had 
that 


since he 
of 


remark upset M 
attended 
officer. 
One day, M 
ing about the 1 


»gogul, 
the funeral services 


angogul and Mirzoza, talk- 
< who were so fond of 
their pet dogs, decided to eavesdrop on 
the jewel of a lady named Haria. She 
lavished great love on her cocker span 
great Dane and two pugs. Mangogul 
Mirzoza laughed to he: 
the growling and snar 
s the pack competed w 
lady's lover. 


the 


на Sindor, 
се. 
Old Selim, the royal councilor, not to 


be outdone by the jewel 
Mangogul and Mirzoz with his youthful 
expl Tunis, on my travels, I 
fucked the wife of a corsair in a flower 
bed. What a tigress! On my way to Lisbon 
zing storm, 1 humped the captain's 


began to regale 


a hammock. Wild swinging that 
was! In Spain, I paid off the duennas and 
screwed their sweet litle 16-year-old 


Ribald C 


"lassic 


charges on castle parapets. Storming the 
breech, 1 called it! At the king's court 
Versailles, I had so much tail that I 
exhausted and had to send my. tutor 
the ladies as a substitute. In England, 
buggered the Lord Bishop's daughte 
right in the clerestory! In € ny, the 
hter of the Inspector of Bratwurst 
nearly devoured mine. In Italy, 1 found 
out that the ladies know tricks that even 
the French have never discovered!” The 
old man was so excited that I rly fell 
d Mangogul to 


into a convulsion 
cilm him. 

Still eager for scand: 
the lovers turned to Cypr 
with a colorful past. 

Her jewel began to speak: ^I was born 

in Morocco. where 1 became a dancer at 
the Opera Theater, The courtiers were all 
jumping mad for a wild cunt from the 
mountains. and so. in six months, I 
earned 20,000 écu worth of jewelry. 
Jext, I went traveling with a rich English 
milord who had a prick nine inches long. 
L think that Т wore it down by two or 
ee until he finally drooped and died, 
wing me 50,000 guineas, Sailing to 
ice, our ship was boarded by priva- 
s and I was boarded by two of the 
iest of them. While I had one of them 
anchor, my mistress made the other one 
fire his cannon—guess how? For eight 
days, they fired broadsides until their shot 
lockers were empty. 


ous. confession, 
an old lady 


uy 


“T fell in with a German count then 
and he took me to Vienna for months of 


fucking and feasting. How that man 
loved horseback riding—I mean, with my 
dy for a ауар" and 
wing his whip. Naturally, he d 
before his time, bequeathing us thou 
of florins. 

“Italy hued us next and we amassed 
70,000 scudi from the cavaliers of Rome. 
Strange men they are. who do everything 
wrong 
while sliding the other end upst 

AIL this time, the prince had а lurking 
curiosity to know what tiles Mirzozas 
"wel could rell. One day she became 
faint and fell into à swoon and he turned 
FERE 

"The jewel spo 
adventures to tell—only ever 
for her prince. He was much moved. 

When she had recovered, he told her 
that he would grant her any wish within 
his power 

“Please return that accused 
Cucufa!" she said, "It is d 
mad hom the poison ol curiosity.” 

Mangogul did as she wished. And this 
charming couple lived happily ever 
after—or at least I supposed they did. 

—Retold by William H. Kupper ЁЗ 
ILUSTRATICH. BY BRAD HOLLAND 


le to, kissing me passion: ately 


ring to 
iving us both 


PLAYBOY 


208 


Honey (continued from page 193) 


Cupping my breast in her two hands, Iris 
bent over me, bringing her mouth down 
o the naked nipple, sucking and nip- 
ping at it with her sharp little teeth. It 
wasn't Iris who was moaning now. It was 
me. Iris’ eyes opened wide in fascinated 
azement as she watched the silver 
pastie on my left breast pop off and land 
on one of the pillows, a victim of my 
swollen, stiffened left nipple. 

Iris pulled back, sliding silently down 
my body and in between my thighs. 1 
oked her fluffy brown hair while her 
mouth moved over my belly and the soft 
flesh inside my thighs. It was a deliciou: 
feeling to be unafraid to let my feelings 
How: from deep inside the inner pink 
caverns of my womanness, through all 


my body and out to Iris. Trusting and 
open for the first time in my life, all my 
barriers disappeared and I felt myself 


swept along, floating on a swilt-moving 
stream of passion, headed for the falls 
nonstop! 

Her lips teasingly plucked at the ten- 
der skin around my pussy. She moved 
slowly, never rushing, but I could feel 
her own intensity as she rubbed her 
swollen, silk-clad pussy up and down my 
leg in steady rhythm. Holding my thighs 
wide, she led my pussy closer and 
т to the edge with her swirling, 
tred tongue. The tempo of her cdu- 
ted tongue picked up, moving faster 
nd faster. I closed my eyes. The sound 
of someone moaning brought me out of 
my hor-pink dream. It was my own voice 
I had heard! Circling, swirling, moving 
in and out, Iris’ tongue had crystallized 

ions into a single, fluttering pearl 
s 
, sud- 
re, 1 exploded in her 


mouth in total, exquisite abandonment, 
hol 


to he 


g оп as she continucd to 
nd soak up my woman's nectar. 

I had. never felt anything like it. Iris 
had possessed а certain something about 
me as woman that 1 hadn't known. It was 
the first time in my life that the fear of 
pregnant didn't inhibit me. I 
Шу. and so I climaxed! 

We lay quietly in each others arms 
until sleep. washed over us, taking the 
hours y. Late thar afternoon, Т 
jumped out of bed and went to the bar 
to check out the refrigerator. It was filled 
with bottles of champagne and boxes of 
chocolate-covered cherries. Iris served me 
champagne i nd then placed 
а chocolate-covered cherry on each of my 
breasts. As you might expect, she w: 
very sloppy eater. Nibbling a hole i 
chocolate, she let the thick cherry syrup 
ooze down and over my breasts I might 
е been furious with her, but she did 
such a great job of cleaning up! 

Iris and I spent two glorious weeks in 


my penthouse. When she suggested. that 
we drive to her apartment in New York. 
1 quickly agreed. I was cager to see New 
nd, besides, I needed a vacation. 
1 had been working the Chez Parce for 
hout a day oll! 
waste any time introducing 
me to gay New York, Whatever I need. 
ed, she had a friend in the business or 
new someone who did. Within the first 
week, we visited h 
second-story Seventh ment 
showrooms, where she bought me a wool- 
and-cashmere wardrobe. We frequented 
the jewelers’ exchange for а gold. ring 
h an inchdong topaz and a chunky 
pinkgold bracelet. Her furrier fitted me 
with a gorgeous. curly black Persian lamb 
coat and her connoiseurquality weed 
connection delivered to the door. On 
з Day, after a night of cham- 
pagne, I awakened in Iris’ seven-foot bed 
to find fresh, plump strawberries—cover- 
ing the sensitive parts of my body. Iris 
gentle mouth was eating away the straw- 
berries lying on my nipples. Then she 
moved down toward my tummy and ate 
the strawberry she had placed in my 
belly button, ending her berry hunt in 
the curls of my pussy. 

Though I loved those weeks of inten- 
sity with Iris, I was always ready to work. 
So when my agent called to say that I 
had a four-week booking—headl 
less—at the Club Chantideer in 
more, I was cager to go. 

Iris drove me to Baltimore, but after 
three days, she had to rewrn to New 
York on business for four weeks. It would 
be our longest separation since we'd met. 
1 was on my own again. 

. 

Every city 1 24hour deli and, if 
you're a night person, you locate it 
as soon as you hit town. In Baltimore 
l, it was the Mayflower Coffce 
Shop; plasticfantastic, iridescentfluores- 
cent, fresh bagels and strong coffee. Most 
of the entertainers in town stayed at the 
Mayflower Hotel, so, from three A.M. on, 
the coffee shop was filled with the ma 
chinegun-like chatter p 
comics, dancers, si 
dub owners unwinding from work. It 
was оп one of those ordinary, “TI h 
two eggs over easy, marmalade wi 
toasted bagel and coffee, please 
of nights that I met Lenny Bruce. 

It was about 2:30 мм. а 
for the club crowd. 1 was ha 
with Tommy "Мое" Raft, a baggy-pants 
burlesque comedian. We'd just about fin- 
ished cating when absolutely the most 
handsome man I'd seen in my life walked 
in the front door, a curvy-cutic showgirl 
оп each arm. My jaw dropped. Grabbing 
my coffee cup, I casually sipped at the 
ice-cold dregs as the beautiful stranger, 


tle е 
ng a nosh 


dressed in a slim-fiting tuxedo. white-on- 
white shirt and pencil-thin black t 
walked by. Lenny—for, of course, that's 
who ity sed to say hello to Tom- 


—р: 


my, whom he'd known in New York. He 
boyish grin and 1 felt 


Mashed me а 
sation like something mel 
Tommy did the honor 

"Honey, 1 would like you to meet 
Lenny Br very funny young man 
and a good friend of mine. Lenny's 


g inside me. 


working at— Where you workin’? 
“Tm at the Club Charles." 
"Yeah, that's t the Club 


s" Tommy beamed at me, like a 
doting uncle. “Lenny, I would like you 
to meet Honey Harlow, the feature strip- 
per on my show very lovely lady 

AIL I could do was smile. Lenny was so 
handsome. Black wavy hair, smooth, olive- 
tinged skin, full, naturally arched eye 
brows, deep-brown eyes: very sensitive 
yet demanding at the same time. Every- 
ig about him looked beautiful to me. 
Tommy had bought a matchbox of 
grass, so after we'd finished eating, he in- 
vited Lenny and the chorus girls and me 
to his hotel room for а "j^ Marijuana 
wasn't taken seriously in those days. It 
was more like birthday cake: Once in a 
while you ran into it and between times, 
you did without. It was in the late Fifties 
that the in-between times started getting 
progressively shorter. The five of us piled 
into Tommy's room and passed а couple 
of joints around. By the time we'd fin- 
ished smoking them. Tommy' tiny room 
was a mellow haze of smoke and everyone 
was smiling. When dawn broke, the girls 
had left and Tommy was out on the 
couch. I felt great Lenny had kept me 
high all night with a nonstop stream of 
Taughs, most of them played to me. I 
knew I didn't want Lenny to go. but T 
crossed to the hall door to leave. We 
stood facing cach other for a 
and then Lenny placed a Sen Sen 
palm of my hand. He looked deep into 
my eyes. cupped my hand in his and 
slowly bent forward. I felt his br 
my hand and then the warm, wet fleshi- 
ness of his tongue stroking my 
while he picked up the Sen Sen with his 
lips. I thought I'd melt into a puddle. 

We walked up the flight of stairs to 
my room on the floor above without say- 
ing another word, My hand was cradled 
inside Lennys hand and the electricity 
flowing between us was like Dexedrine to 
my heart and champagne to my brain. 
Once inside my room, Lenny pulled mc 
to him—not just my face or my ass, all 
of me. I felt my body pressing against hi 
L was desperate to find and. press myself 
against every dip of his body, every cu 


every muscle. We closed the door and, 
though 1 don't rem 


mber, I'm c 
locked it and bolted it. But short of an 
earthquake, a fire in the halls or a 

(continued on page 257) 


س 


"Te 


Ld 


— 
E 


MORE 
NUDITY! WHAT 
ARE YOU GETTING 
ME INTO THIS TIME, 
WANOA? JUST BECAUSE 
PORTNOY 15 PAYING 
FOR OUR WEEK- 
END — 


'ORTNOY, IN SEARCH OF MATERIAL FOR HIS NEXT 

BOOK, TREATS ANNIE AND WANDA TO A WEEKEND 
AT HEADSTONE, THE MUCH-TALKED-ABOUT RETREAT 
OUTSIDE LOS ANGELES. HEADSTONE, WHERE THE 
VENTURESOME GO TO LEARN A NEW, OPEN LIFE STYLE, 
WHERE MEDITATION AND HEALTH FOOD IS THE ORDER 
OF THE DAY AND WHERE DOPE AND WHISKEY AND 
OTHER SINFUL THINGS ARE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN- 
ESPECIALLY DURING THE ORGIES. 


ANNIE, ВАВ" 
HEADSTONE HAS A FANTASTIC 
REPUTATION FOR TURNING YOUR HEAD 
AROUND AND MAKING YOU INTO A BEAUTIFUL 
NEN HUMAN BEING, AND LOOK AT WHAT A 1 
BEAUTIFUL RETREAT IT I5, SECLUDED AND РЕАСЕ- 
FUL, FRIENDLY MEMBERS RELAXING IN THE Д 
WHIRLPOOL BATH, SOUNDS OF BARNYARD 
4 ANIMALS Е 1010 MACDONALD” S 
ARM — 


IT SEEMS 
INNOCENT ENOUGH. 
I MIGHT EVEN TAKE 
A BATH MYSELF. 
LOOK AT THE RAPTURE 
ON THEIR FACES. A 
WARM, JACUZZI 
EA \ WHIRLPOOL BATH ASS 
IA DOES THAT. & 


EVERYONE 

SWITCH HANDS, 

LÎ PARTNERS AND 
« FRIENDLY 


209 


PLAYBOY 


210 


TUNPERSTAND THAT - 
NUDITY IS OPTIONAL HERE. ALSO, 
IT'S А GOOD IDEA TO LEAVE ALL OUR 
STUFF IN THE CAR, 


Ў wuoops! t LOCKED THE 
CHICKEN FAT IN THE CAR АМО І 
CAN'T FIND MY KEV. 


AH, YES! WANDA! AH, YOU'RE SHOCKED. I KEEP FORGETTING HOW IT 15 IN THE 


ү OUTSIDE WORLD. AT HEADSTONE, WE'RE VERY NATURAL. WE 
WANDA, BABES! І DIDN'T DON'T GET UPTIGHT AT OPEN HUGGING AND KISSING AND 
MEAN Т0 IGNORE YOU, [^. | AFFECTION, AND MAINLY, THERE’S NO JEALOUSY. YOU'RE 


ONLY JEALOUS IF YOU FEEL THREATENED. HERE, THERE'S 
A SPIRIT OF SHARING, AND NOBODY 1S 
THREATENED. 


‘SUE! ZELDA! SEE HOW IT 15 
Hl, BABES! HERE? WE'RE NOT AFRAID 
TO LET OUR EMOTIONS 
HANG OUT. 


THIS MUST BE 
ANNIE AND WANDA. 
ТМ MEL. WELCOME TO 
HEADSTONE. LET ME 
SHOW YOU AROUND, 


qu 
N 


WE HAVE ; LET'S GO TO THE 
SEMINARS ON : MEADOW, ANNIE. WE'LL DISCUSS 
PORTNOY SE SENSUALITY AND SELF-ACTUALIZATION THROUGH 
BEEN BIOENERGETICS, ROLFING. 
TELLING US í 
pa a IN THERE, | 
н WE'RE HAVING A 7 1 GROUP GRUNT YET! 
SHARING AND L 
M оғғесто\. M / ; 
IT SURE Е А | H T INVITED ANNIE 
A > HERE ANO I'M TAKING 
HER ROLFING! 


LEAPIN' LIZARUS! Т 
THOUGHT NOBODY GETS UPTIGHT 
AT HEAUSTONE/ 


PORTNOY! WHERE'5 YOUR 
SPIRIT OF SHARING? 


PUNCH IN THE} 
FACE WITH 


YOU SPOILED 
THE WORKSHOP! 


16 THIS 
5/M OR CRACK 
THE WHIP, OR ДИ 1 THINK 
۱ IT'S OUR 
[\ eoesceo 
TEAM 


PLAYBOY 


212 


SEX STARS OF 1978 continues prom page 180) 


role in Cannonball, one of several demo- 
lition-derby movies that appeared in 1976. 
Meanwhile, he was busily writing the 
script for Rocky, the story of a dub fight- 
er in Philadelphia, punk who. for walk- 
ingaround money, leans on delinquent 
debtors for а loan shark. When Rocky 
geis a fluky cha championship 
bout, he pulls himself together 1 meet 
the challenge. 

= wrote the script with himself 
d. He subjected himself to a year 
long regimen of calisthenics so that he 
would be physically primed for the 
ted bids for the script 
He wasn't, in studio. 
parlance, bankable. (Which, incidentally, 
îs а misnomer, No bank has ever consid. 
cred а star, of whatever magnitude. to be 
collateral for a loan. A beue 1 would. 
De marketable— ss or studio. 
would buy as p: from an 


role. 


independent. produc rare, the 
studios wanted Stallone’s script. for an 
established маг, Stallone, however, was 


willing 10 


ud eventually the inde 


pendent production. firm of Спой 
Winkler bought the package— paying 
lerably less for Stallone and his 


other producers. һай offered 


gamble has coi 
Unlortunately, his story is the 
today. Both and inde- 


exception 
pendent studios have become lameutably 


jor 


new talent. 
y him ii 


jerem 
Which men 


to develo} 


s that whenever ai 


volving a multimitlion-dollar investment 
is about to go into production, the same 
tired old we trotted out, Not thi 


they provide any guarantee of a profitable 
return: This vears The Missouri Breaks 
costarred two of the biggest names in 
the busin lo ado and Jack 
Nichol broke 


even. 


Tli, Burt Reva 
any box-ollice records. 
the 


so-called | bankables. 


Au the moment. the: 


ranks include Brando, Nicholson, Re 
nolds, Warren Beatty, Charles Bron- 
son, Robert De Ni clint Eastwood, 


Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, Al Pacino 
and Robert Redlord—and that's just 
Tor openers. the budget down a 


couple of million dd such 


names as James Caan, ery, 
Holtman, Elliot Ryan 
nd George Segal. But what do 
you find on the distatl side? Minnelli, 


а Streisand and (yes) Tatum O'Neal. 
with possibly Ann-Margret, Goldie 
Hawn, Valerie Perrine, depending on the 


Perhaps the most соц complaint 
heard around the stud recent. years 
has been, “There ny good roles 


Tor women any 


or." The usual reply 


here able [en 


les 


to play them. wd st TS prob. 
lem. Neither Minnelli nor Streisand 
(much les O'Neal) is physically or 


udle every role 


technically equipped to I 
that comes along (as Minnelli rather 
pathetically demonstrated Lucky 
Lady). Furthermore, even if he should 
fancy to а script in which the 
female role is clearly the stronger, a Вп 
ive difficulty signing up a 
Few in o: 
Category to subordinate them. 
selves to а woman who's less well К 
however talented. Not. when. there 
all those nice producers out there who 
t them for themselves alone. 

sly, potential sex stns—male 
and female—are nor suddenly in short 
but these days, everything de 
п he deal.” Both Lucky Lady 
he Missouri Breaks were typical 
movies. A produ 


are € 


эм, 


and 


er assemblesenou 


ile clements—stars. director, seript— 
а package and he's in business. 
or not his picture ultim: 


makes a nickel for the studio, h 
carned his producers [ec—somet 
much as ten percent of the budget—sim- 
ply for puting the pack: dier. 
Many producers today will reluse to 
handle nder 51,000,060, r 


pictures, they daim, 
aches ol a lar more expensive movic— 
and what's in it lor the 

Whats it for them, of course 
their percentage of the profits, should 
the picture take oll. But irs а risk, and 


nowadays stars. as well as producers, 
would rather have the heavy money up 
front than gamble on a possibly profit 


ble futu 


The top stars have it both 
fat salary up front, plus а per 
age ol either the net or the 


oss. 


Nicholson got $1,250,000 for his role i 
The Missouri Breaks, Brando 51,000,000, 
plus а healthy percent 
while 


c of the Я 
Hackman received 51,250,000 for 


ng to step into Lucky Lady 


al pily bowed out (at 
Clearly. such multimillion- 
dollar contracts are profitable to the d 


makers, but they can be suicidal for the 
studios that have to put up the money 
After the twin disasters of Lucky Lady 
and At Long Last Love, which put a se- 
es, 20th 
Century-Fox was saved by the surprising 
success of two relatively low-budg 
pictures, Mel Brooks's Silent. Movie and 
The Omen, starris sory Peck (who 
had h Jerred to as one 


al reso 


of the bani 
Untorts . the prevalence of the 
deal and the studios insistence on top 


stars до get pictures olf the ground have 
had the dual effect of robbing audiences 
ol new bices—and depriving those 


faces of the job opportunities they need 
before they become old faces. 

Such opportu re going to 
be in even shorter supply, thanks to the 
new tax laws. which. place severe restrict 


ies, ala 


ions on the kind of tax shelters that have 
been bi g new money into the in 
dustry, With these inducements gone 


production is bound to sink w new lows 

Hope, however. springs eternal in the 
breast of every young actor. Waiting 
in the wings, as it were, are any number 
of contenders for th: al thrust into 
the big time, foremost g them being 
Репу King, memorable as the matincc 
idol of the Twenties who seduces Raquel 
Welch in The Wild Party. Unfortunately 


for King, the film was а flop. He might 


сис 


have made the breakthrough in Man- 
dingo, as the heir apparent to a slave stud 


farm in the Deep, Deep South (with pre 
nuptial rights to any female slave who 
struck his fancy). except that the script 
required him to play the role as a crippled 
weakling. He refused to appear in the 
sequel, Drum: and Warren Oates, who 
pherited the part, apparently refused to 
s a cripple. King was wasted in 
s Margius Hemingway's hand- 


Lipstick 


holding friend, the sort of role that used 
10 fall to Ralph Bellamy: at this writing, 
he is shoot Andy Wearho"s Bad in 


New York. 

Sam Elliou. 
was luckier as the muscular. prot 
of Lifeguard who has to choose betwe 
the adulation (and occasional sexual [a 
хоту) of the beach-bronzed weny-boppers 


and a more med, but far morc 
profitabl n auto salesman. Hi 
was Elliott who made the movie work. 


but how many people saw it? The same 
question may be asked of Keith Car 


dine, the guitarplaying love ol Lily 
Tomlin's Jile in Robert Altman's Nash 
ville, il acclaim bur 


pu 
terribly persuasive in a none too 
role: he may have a better chance 
upcoming Welcome to L.A. His brother 
David, who brought ku television, 
has been confining his big-screen activi 
ties to low-budget epics like Cannonball 
but, according to Hollywood scutlebutt 
makes his bid for authentic stardom as 
Th 
Bound Glory, a film. that should 
be appearing on local screens before long, 

Мо high on the waiting list is hand 
e Jan Michael Vincent, 
seems to want for work: In 1976 alone. 
he way seen in Baby Blue Marine, Vigi 
Force and Shadow of the Hawk: 
but that one plum role, the star maker, 
persists in cluding bim. Just 31, and look 
ing younger, he still has time. That he 
red by the wide 
played since his 
in Buster and Billie 


ties folk singer Woody Guthrie in 
Jor 


son who 


never 


He was р 
lying, arrogant, 


mbitious cowpoke i 


There are two ways to buy your next n 
TV. Trust the facts. Or trust your luck. 5 


Whenitcomesto buying acolor TV, the last thing 
to trust is your luck. Which is why it pays to de- 
pend on Quasar. 


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In the first 8 months, our records show that dur- 
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Ask your Quasar dealer for his facts. Then ask 
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PLAYBOY 


2M 


Richard Brooks's Bite the Bullet, but the 
picture performed disappointingly, and 
probably for no one more so than J 
Michael. Recently, though, he has moved 
from Columbia to 20th Century-Fox, 
which is starring him (above George 
Peppard, Dominique Sanda and Paul 
Winfield) in a big-budget science-fiction 
thriller, Damnation Alley. 

Unhappily, no crystal ball reveals in 
nce how any picture will do—or 
t it will do for the people who are 
in it On paper, the possibility of play- 
ing Clark Gable in Universal's pseudo- 
phical Gable and Lombard must 
е seemed to James Brolin the oppor- 
tunity of a lifetime, his one big chance 
to emerge from the shadow of Marcus 
Welby, M.D. Brolin has tried several 
times belore, notably in Skyjacked and 
Westworld, but these did little for him. 
But to play Gable, the sexiest sex star of 
the Thirties—what more could any ambi- 
tious young actor ask? The answer is, 
plenty—beginning with a decent script. 
It didn't film historian to poke 
holes in Barry Sandler's sacenplay; any 
movie buff could manage, and most of 


ad 


them did. What was worse, the role fitted 
Brolin like the suit of a man who has 
just lost 20 pounds. Universal's ma 
aged to make him look like 
t from certain angles), and 
Brolin himself produced. a 
facsimile of the well-remembered С 
speech mannerisms. pur Qut ig 1 
catch- 


ing company on an off night in Paducah 
and gazing upon Gable's effigy in the 
Hollywood V Museum. 

Most of the newer fellows had even 
less opportui True, the talented Jeff 
Bridges did an outstanding job as the 
jaded Southern aristocrat who finds 
slim purpose in life among the muscle 
builders and blue-grass musicians in Bob 
Rafelson's табъ Stay Hungry—but the 
audiences stayed away in droves. Jes 
no-less-talented brother, Beau, ted 
himself as a psychotic young man who 
perhaps loves, perhaps hates his mother 
in Dragonfly (later retitled One Summer 
Love) and as a foppish martinet in 
Swashbuckler (which buckled more than 
it swashed). To all intents and purposes, 


“What I really wanted for Christmas was 


a place to park my car 


hly personable Bridges boys 
were simply n me in 1976. 

So was Timothy Bottoms, with two 
low-keyed performances in two modest 
movies, A Small Town in Texas and 
Operation Daybreak. So was exevangelist 
Marjoe Gortner, who converted to 
movies on the is of a documentary 
based on his life. Neither Bobbie Jo and 
the Outlaw nor the outrageously cheap- 
ick production of The Food of the 
(a sci-fi thriller in which Marjoe is 
ed to subdue pony-sized rats) was 
likely to advance his reputation: maybe 
hell do penes with Viva Knicvel! Mi- 
chael Sarr 's career was not enhanced 
by h E nces in The Loves 
and Times of Scaramouche and The 
Gumball Rally; and Н. after 
his dynamic roles in M 


Mean Streets а Alice Doesn't. Live 
Here Anymore, may have dropped back 
a few rungs after playing a nailshard 

np in Scorsese's Taxi Driver, a 19th 


Century version of a cool PR man in 
Altman's Buffalo Bill and the Indians 
and a squarish ambulance driver in 
Mother, Jugs < Speed. Keitel, who has 
the high-octane energy to make it as a 
major sex star, runs the risk of slipping 
over into the category of dependable 
character actor. Perhaps his role in Wel- 
come to L.A, which 2 
ing, will supply the 

‘There is a strange no m: ıd be- 
tween the stars who are on their way up 
nd those who have already made it. In 
this uncomfortable category fall people 
like Bruce Dern, Richard Dreyfuss, Kris 
Kristofferson, Roy Scheider and Michael 
have appeared in pres- 
Il of whom are recog- 
But it has yet to be 
proved that their names are wh: 
anybody to the box office. Dreyfuss 
Scheider, for example, were together in 
Jaws; but no one doubts for a moment 
that Bruce, the plastic shark, that 
tracted the customers. Was it Dern 
or director Alfred. Hitchcock who won 
audiences for Family Plot? I it was Dern, 
what became of all those fans when he 
starred in Won Ton Ton, the Dog Who 
Saved Hollywood? Where were York's 
fans when he starred in Logan's Run? 
Kristofferson was certainly sexy in The 
Sailor Who Fell from Grace with the 
Sea, which fared fairly well at the box 
ice, but he seemed far more at ease in 
Vigilante Force, which went nowhere. 
Elliott Gould and George Segal are in 
constant demand, no matter how poorly 
their last films performed, but might not 
real pros like "Tony Lo Bianco, Charles 
Grodin or Sam Waterston do as well? 
Who's to know? They are looked upon as 
reliable actors, not marquee attract 

Nor has 1976 proved a banner 
for black stars, most of whom were bred 
in the blaxploitation boom that fol 


E 
lowed in the wake of Shaft. Possibly, 


s) E / 


Give the real Shower Massage by Water Pik? 
(Orthey might think youre not the real Santa.) 


THE SHOWER MASSAGE 


by Water Pik 


because the men who appeared in those 
pictures—Jim Brown, Ri 
tree, Fred Williamson et 
essentially actors. Brown and Williamson 
established their reputations in pro foot- 
ball; Roundtree, for all his muscles, had 
simply done some modeling in New 
York. Since the earlier films were basi 
ly action pictures, this lack of histrionic 
expertise could be forgiven, if not ig- 
nored altogether. With the success of 
Sounder, Lady Sings the Blues and Man- 
dingo, however, emphasis has swung to 
“crossover” pictures, films created to ap- 
peal to both white and black audiences, 
with greater attention paid to plot and 
. As а result, those star 
have muscles everywhere 


PLAYBOY 


athletes who 
but in their faces—like heavyweight Ken 


Norton in Drum—are at an obvious dis- 
icd ge. Probably at the top of the 
heap now (literally so in Universal's logo 
for The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars 
and Motor Kings) is handsome, talented 
Billy Dee Williams, who carlier estab- 
lished himself in Lady Sings the Blues 
«| Mahogany. He seems to be pre- 
empting the roles that ordinarily would 
have gone to Sidney Poitier. Also on the 
rise at the moment is Roger E. Mosley, 
who gave a powerful performance 
Leadbelly but may be destined to join 
the ranks of James Earl Jones and 
Yaphet Коцо as a strong character actor, 
NOL а SEX маг. 

The entire star-making situation is ag- 
gravated by the unconscionable length of 
time it now takes to get most major 
pictures produced. Ryan O'Neal spent 
the better part of a year in England and 
Ireland working on Stanley Kubrick's ill- 
fated Barry Lyndon before going 
Peter. Bogdanovich's Nickelodeon. 
any luck, O'Neal should be visible on- 
screen. again around Easter time, Al 
Pacino, always choosy about his roles, let 
nearly a year go by between Dog Day 
Afternoon and Bobby Deerfield, current- 
ly shooting in Europe for release next 
mmer. Barbra Streisand, whose Funny 
Lady appeared in March 1975, will just 
make it under the wire this year with h 
long-delayed rock version of A Star Is 
Born, costarring Kristofferson. As for 
red to even guess 
the release date of Apocalypse Now, the 
trouble-plagued, multimillion-d: epic 
that Francis Ford Coppola been 
g in the Philippines since last 

Of the established. stars, only 
les Bronson and Clint Eastwood ap- 
r with sufficient frequency to keep 
their credit lines ict. 

On the distaff side, the scene is even 

jer. According to Norma Connolly, 
rwoman of the Screen Actors 

Guild's Woman's Conference Committee, 
fe than 40 percent of SAG's 32,500 
members are female; yet their share of the 
jobs in movies and television is а mere 23 
percent, Obviously, the scramble for 
216 women's reles is becoming intense and 


March. 


bitter. Perhaps that is why gorgeous V 
two unimpressive 
outings (Vigilante Force and І Will, 1 
Will... for Ni 1976, finally with- 
drew from the ratrace to become, of all 
things, an agent. 

There are plenty of bright, eager, є 
iced young women for the castin 
rectors to call upon whenever the oc 
ion arises, if the occasion arises. The 
uble is, they all seem to have been 


a female role of 
generally goes to a European actress. 
Steve Shi for example, rewrote the 
girl character in his Hustle script to 
make her French, so that the role could 
be played by Catherine Deneuve. Ever 
since the exciting talent of Marthe Keller 
was revealed to American film n 
last year in Claude Lelouch's And Now 
My Love (in which she played three 
generations of women), she has bee 
besieged by the studios. Before the year 
is out, she will be delectably visible in 
The Marathon Man, followed next spring 
by Black Sunday; currently, she’s back in 
France co-starring with Al Pacino in Bob- 
by Deerfield. The pale blonde beauty of 
Dominique Sanda graces not only Ber- 
rdo Bertolucc's five-hoi marathon, 
1900 (in which she plays opposite Robert 
De Niro and Donald Sutherland), and Ber- 
nardo Bolognini’s The Inheritance (for 
which she won a bestactress award) but 
also 20th Century-Fox’s otherwise all- 
American Damnation 


s up. it 


ive west of the Rockies (їп Las Vegas, 
g the past year or so, England's 
rlouc Rampling has moved from 
Mexico (Foxtrot) to. Hollywood (Fare- 
ll, My Lovely) to Canada (Oren, with 
hard Harris), And Glenda Jackson 
would seem to have first crack at any- 
thing that’s left, especially if it's a Great 
Dramatic Role (like her Hedda Gabler 
or her Sarah Bernhardt in The Incredi- 
ble Sarah). 

Why so many imported actresses? Be- 
cause European film m: 
laid great stress upon their female char- 
acters, giving them personalities and 
identities. Consider only Liv Ullmann, so 
ay in Ingmar Bergman's 
and Whispers and Face to Face, so 
lost in her О. $. pictures Lost Horizons 
ıd 40 Carats. Europ e chosen 
by American directors not merely be- 
cause they have a face but because they 
have a persona—an identity that emerges 
out of the roles they have been asked to 
play. The tragedy is that our native 
actresses don't have the same opportu- 
nities to display their talents or to stretch 
them. Perhaps Amer 


crs have always 


n stars 


of an e: 
should go abroad to be discovered. 
all, it worked for Eastwood and Bronson! 


Still, there are thousands of young 
hopefuls who continue to knock on stu- 
dio gates and dozens who have been 
persistent enough (or lucky enough) to 


be waitlisted. for stardom. Tops among 
these it the moment is tall, tawny 
Lauren Hutton, nee Mary Laurence 


Hutton, former Pla 
former Vogue model and, up to 30 days 
a year, Revlon's maid of all work ( 
$200,000 annually, she doesn’t do wi 
dows). Lauren, now visible in Gator and 
Welcome to L.A., is not at all convinced 
that a film career is her be-all and end- 
all, “The whole point in life,” she told 

n interviewer recently, "is to travel and 
hope it shows on your face” She has 
turned down as many film jobs as she 
has accepted, explaining, "There's some 
garbage you can't eat" Garbage or not, 
at least she gets the оез», which she tries 
to fit in between modeling sessions and 
her own photog pedi up 
the Amazon or olf in Bali. 

Also out of the ranks of New 
fashion models comes tall, willowy 
, who, unlike Huuon, 
mined to n it all work for her on 
the screen. Her film career dates back to 
а Thanksgiving party in New Yor 
when, suddenly, there was Jack Nichol- 
son looming over her and inviting her 
to watch some scenes he was shooting 
for Camal Knowledge. He also gave her 
name to casting director Fred Roos, who 
asked her to fly out to Hollywood to test 
for a role in John Huston's Fat. Cily- 
But 1 was doing all right as a model 
Candy recalls, “and, besides, I'd have to 
pay my own way. So we compromised. 1 
said I'd come if he'd take me to Disney- 
land and to the Academy Awards. He 
did, even though we sat behind a pillar 
in the third balcony for the Academy 
show." Three years later, she had a much 
better seat. an Oscar nominee for her 
role as the tecnaged blonde sexpot in 
Americam Graffiti. Next year, she may 
well be back there in, thanks to h 
tempestuous scenes opposite rock star 
David Bowie—the oddly compelli 
most implausible leading man of the 
year—in Nicholas Roeg's The Man Who 
Fell to Earth, in which, for the first time, 
Candy went nude. “I never did it in 
New York,” she says, “even though the 
price for nude models was $500 a day— 
or was it per hour? But when I read the 
script, it seemed appropriate, so I did it. 
Alter this Harry Reems case [the Mem- 
phis Deep Throat trials, chronicled in 
October's PLAYHoY], though, I'm not so 
sure. D only hope 1 don’t land in jail 
somewhere. 

Candy looks back on her career with 
other misgivings. "Perhaps I started too 
high," she says. "Huston, Rocg and 
George Lucas—theyre hard to follow.” 
By Hollywood. standards, she lives mod- 
estly, driving а Volkswagen and turning 
down roles in movies—and especially in 
TV shows—that don't interest her. As а 


boy Club Bunny, 


g but 


*He offered me a big, juicy part once—but it wasn't in a movie." 


217 


result, she has made only three pictures 
in five years. But, like dozens of other 
talented young actresses, shes derer- 
mined to hang in there. What Candy 
can't understand —and with reason—is 
why she should have been paid so much 
less than her male co-stars this time out. 
"I was signed ht after. David," she 
says, "and, by rights, 1 should have had 
second billing. But they wanted to leave 
that open to attract 
Tom. He got much moi 
did, yet I had to do a lot of physical 
things, like picking David up and 
ng him. And the nude scenes.” In the 
best of all possible worlds, Candy would 
have received as much for her work as 
David Bowie did. But then, this isn’t the 
best of all possible worlds. 

The list of models who have become 
movie stars is а long onc, topped at the 
moment by Marisa Berenson and Cybill 
Shepherd but including (in addition to 
Lauren and Candy) such promising and 


PLAYBOY 


attractive newcomers arrah Fawcett- 
Majors of Logan's Run and Jessica 
Lange, who took up where Fay Wray 
left off in Dino De Laurentiis impres- 


vely budgeted version of King Kong. 
According to advance reports, old Kong 
does considerably more with his new 
girlfriend d tote her up the side 
of a skyscraper. (Just what, given his 
disproportionate size, is difficult to im 
inc) A few years ago, the discov 
the 99-and-44/100-percent-pure gi 
its Ivory Snow boxes had become San 


Francisco porno queen Marilyn Cham- 
hers became a mauer of some concern 
to Procter & Gamble. Although both 


corporation and Chambers seem to have 
survived the ordeal, Marilyn has been 
les than successful in a stab at a 
nightclub carcer: she's now awaiting the 
start date for City Blues, a new (and 
) movie to be directed by veteran 
(Rebel Without a Cause) Ra 
While waiting, she was imprudent enough 
to dance nude in a Los Angeles theater— 
and get busted for 


Meanwhile, beautcous Catherine Di 
euve, formerly one of France's most 
soughtalter high-fashion models, has 


been supplement 


ng her take-home pay 
from movie studios on both sides of the 
Atlantic by appearing in those Chanel 
ads, the sultriest 60 seconds on prime- 
time TV, 

The year’s 
from the 
foot. sexy 
athletic, 21-ye 


most publicized recu 
ons, however, is 
х Hemingy 


Mai 


ble Sun Valley). On a ski 
tour to 280 York. City, she 


promotion 
most 
who, 


and boundless vitali 
her ca 
218 ап apartment on 


t Side, the two were married, in Paris, 
June 1975. Within months of their 
Wetson had skyrocketed Mar- 

ing rates to 5100 an hour 
by seeing to it that both her face 


newspapers and 
By the time the s 
someone to play the fashion model who 
gets raped in Lipstick began, she had 
become u logical choice. Everyone 
knew her name and most people, espe. 
ly women, could re sight 
the cool, blue-eyed blonde with the dark 
lashes and the sultry lips—a kind of 
animated Grace Kelly. What was she 
Lipslick (which also featured 
Margaux's younger sister, Marici) left 
the question largely unanswered. But 
there can be no question that this hand- 
some, spirited girl will have many more 
opportunities 10 prove herself. “I gu 
for me,” she said not long ago, “movies 

And one can only a 


girls who look like Margaux, what were 


they invented for? 
„Меп, maybe for 
former lead dancer 


Са 


Wildhack, 
the fantastic foldout girl of Michael 
s sex fantasies in Slaughterhouse- 
‚ the winsome ted 
sexpot 
rvelou ly well) the role o£ 
Honey, a nightclub stripper switched on. 
to drugs by husband I - 
Robert Fosse’s award-winning produc- 
tion of Lenny. This year’s outing, in 
wi ppo- 
site Rod Steiger in IV . Fields and 
Me, was less felicitous. In fact, she hated 
the whole experience. “After that film 
was finished,” she told an interviewer, 
“T was ready to quit the business. I cried 
all the time id drank too much, and 
was so unhappy I behaved unprofession- 
ly. 1 regret. it now. I did something an 
cress should never do: Т gave up try 
ing. I got a bad reputation on that 
film." Perhaps within the industry: but 
for the ай and the public, her per- 
formance ng but 
understanding mistress was one of the 
film’s few saving graces. as the 
industry is concerned (the public has yet 
to be consulted), Valerie more than re- 
deems herself in the forthcoming Wind- 
fall. in which she plays a lady detective 
signed to prevent Italian car mechanic 
Terence Hill from collecting a billion- 
dol 
love it. 
on location in Sonoma, C 
the people she was worl 
cluding Jackie Gleason—just lov 
She was wonderful, cooperative 
" stated producer 
"s dream star. 

s dreams off and 


and 


on over the past several years has been 
millionaire Jamal Kanafani, a Lebanese 
idustrialist who, she avows, got her to cut 
down on her drinking after the Fields 
fiasco. “I love the way he treats me,” she 
said recently. “I consider myself a very lib- 
Im 


burn her bra or wear Levis to prove it— 
really free. But here 1 am with this man, 
and when he's around, 1 hardly open my 
mouth unless spoken to. Не m 
feel—do you want to know? 
absolutely feminine." 

And then we have Jacqueline. Bisset 
and Karen Black, two of the hardest- 
working young ladies in films at the 
moment. For Black, the high po 
carly in the year, when she pli 
reluctant accomplice to murder in Hitch- 
cock's nimble, witty Family Plot, 1 
managed to come off looking like a 
minor-le lene Dietrich. (Hitch- 
cock had achieved the same effect some 
years earlier with Eva Ман 


had to be Crime and Passion, in which 
she plays Omar Sharif's paren 


Bernhard Wicki out ol a great deal of 
moncy. Karen came on strong, but the 
script—allegedly improvised on loca- 
tion—didn't. In between was Burnt 
Offerings, in which Karen becomes in- 
ceasingly enthralled by a malevolent 
mansion. The mansion has a swimming 
pool, amd one evening Karen gocs 
skinnydipping with husband Oliver 
Reed: apart f thar, it would be dillî 
cult to list the film's attractions. 

Nor did Bisset fare much better with 
her roles in End of the Game and St. 
Ives, both rather staid productions for 
girl who made her bow in a picture (The 
Sweet Ride) im the opening shots of 
which she lost the top of her bikini. Still 
to come is The Deep, Peter Benchley's 
followup to his highly successful Jaws. 
Will she lose more of her accouter- 
ments there? Probably not. The latest 
word from Bisset is “No more nudes.” 
Not so petite Genevieve Bujold, who 
took a bold plunge for all to see in 
Swashbuckler, and also dueled with the 


swashbuckler himself, Robert Shaw, in a 
scene in which he insouciantly sliced, 
one by one, the ties holding her blouse 


together. The accomplished. Canadian- 
born actress reveals even more in Alex 
nt plot 
point revolves around her tattooed der- 
rière. Nevertheless, as the nubile student 
with whom Cliff Robertson falls madly 
nd, it turns out, incestuously 
an De Palma's Obsession, Bujold re- 
Is that she has other assets- -notably, 


and the Gypsy. in which а sa 


the ability to project a youthful sensua 
extraord for tress pushing 
Bilingual. she is in constant demand 
here, in Canada and in France, and 


1 wonder. She went directly from 
ashbuckler into Alex and the Gypsy 


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PLAYBOY 


220 Sueisand's stripping 


opposite Jack Lemmon, making it quite 
the diminutive Genevieve 
ve four major films to her credit 
for the year. 

There's an old Hollywood story, per- 
haps apocryphal, about a studio head 
who was famous for ha ll of his 
starlets go down on him, Finally, one of 
them achieved full stardom, The pro- 
ducer unzipped his fly in anticipation of 
the accustomed ritual, but the lady icily 
informed him, don't have to do that 
anymore. l'm a star now." We can hope 
that particular requirement is a thing of 
the past. But we can also rejoice in the 
t that not all established stars are 
inhibited about mere nudity. One has 
only to recall Sarah Miles's scenes with 
Kristolfei The Sailor Who Fell 
from Grace with the Sea, or. Charloue 
iplings in Yuppi Du with Adriano 
Celentano, or Romy Schneider's in any 
thing, to realize that clothes no 
ymbol. Still clambering 
toward stardom, and shucking their garb 
en route, are pert Susanne (A Boy and 
His Dog) Benton; fashionable Marisa 
Berenson, who had precious little else 
to do in Stanley Kubrick’s Barry Lyndon 
marathon; producer Robert Evan: 
and good friend Barbara Carrera (like 
хо т newcomers, an ex-model), 
glimpsed nude through the blurred 
lenses of Embryo; Veronica Cartwright, 
working for porno-flick director Richard 
Dreyfuss in Inserts; Sally Field, television's 
Flying Nun, getting her wings clipped— 
but good—by Jelf Bridges in Stay Hun- 
gry: Fiona Lewis, a tempestuous British 
mport whose uninhibited charms graced 
both Listomania and the otherwise 
graceless Drum; Susan Sarandon, shack- 
ing up with emotionally disturbed. Bea 
Bridges in One Summer Love; thc peren 
nial Barbara Seagull, who is once again 
Barbara Hershey, stripped and offered up 
for gang rape in The Last Hard Меп: 
nd Sharon Weber (who back in 1971 
PLAYBOY's Playmate of the Year, Sharon 
Clark) in a. memorable. screen. debut. as 
the airline hostess who makes wild love 
with Sam Elliott in the opening scenes 
of Lifeguard, then backs off when she 
res that his whole s made up 


But the big stars? 
indisputably herself in Carnal Knowl- 
edge—and carnal as all get-out in Ken 
Russell's Tommy—but in Tony Richard- 
son's Joseph Andrews, according to ad- 
vance reports, she limits herself to a. wet 
see-through something. Nor is it yet pos- 
sible to say how sexplicit her scenes with 
Bruce Dern will be in the French-based 
Twist. Raquel Welch has always prom- 
ised more than she has delivered, and 
there is no reason to believe that any- 
thing will have changed in the remake 
of The Prince and the Pauper, in produc- 
tion in England. As for Liza Minnelli’s 
ude in A Matter of Time, or 
in A Star Is Born 


Ann-Margret was 


(both unfinished at this w not 
bloody likely. 

Which leaves us with such Europe 
based stars in the ascendant as the 
incredibly beautiful Isabelle Adjani, who 
dly won the New York Film 

st February for her 
B ely terrifying, per- 
formance of a girl by love possessed in 
François Truffaut's The Story of Adèle 
H. and a few months later proved no 
less effective as Roman Polanskis girl- 
friend in his cerie The Tenant. Ti 
Aumont, the shapely daughter of oneti 
matinee idol Jean-Pierre Aumont, 
on the rise, with two films (Salon Kitty 
and A Matter of Time) alread 
pleted for 1976 release and a mı 
in Fed 
sion of Casanova, 

Among the emerging Italian be: 
must be listed the delectable 
Antonelli, whose career was advanced by 
several long paces when she was starred 
by the late Luchino Visconti 
Lina Werunuller’s Giancarlo Giannini 
nd our own Jennifer O'Neill) in his 
final film, The Innocent. Adapted from 
а story by Italy's favorite romantic writ- 


ng). 


er, Gabriele D'Annunzio, thc film casts 
Laura as an aristocra's loveless wife 
who, after a brief aff: with another 


man, stoutly refuses tc 
that union. Previewed out of c 
tion at Cannes, it was one of the h 
the festival. Perhaps tops at the moment, 
however Mari ela Melato, Wert 
mullers favorite (Love and 
Swept 
the year, of course, in 


actress 
Anarchy. The Seduction of Mimi, 


Ашау... ). This 


which Wertmuller is being discovered 
vengeance by both 


with a 


has come 
recognition that blondined, curvy 
is one of the sexiest all- 
creses around—strident and 
y as the whore in Love and Anarchy, 
bitchy and aloof as the society lady С 
gs to heel in Swept Away .... 

As noted last month, nce relaxed 
its antiporn legislation in 1975 and has 
been inundated with sex films (most of 
them soft-core) ever since. Whe 
flicks first surfaced in the United State 
most of the actresses who appe 
them chose to remain anonymous—or, at 
best, pseudonymous. Not so in France. 
In the past усаг or so, Jane Birkin, 
¢ Clery, Brigitte Maier and (above 
anmanuelle's Sylvia Kristel have be- 
come superstars, apparently with the 
option of stepping over to the main- 
stream of film making should they so 
desire—or should ainsuream director 
desire one of them (as Roger Vadim did 
when he selected Kristel to appear 
La Femme Fidèle). 

To these should be added the na 
of blonde, Swedish-born Maria Ly 
who divides her time these days between 
Paris and her п; 


ared 


me 


at least two of her recent films, Bel Ami 
nd Justine & Juliette, is our own, hard- 
pressed Harry Reems. Although Reems 
collected а paltry $100 for his stint in 
Deep Throat. he managed conside 
better on subsequent Stateside por 
nd beuer yet when he ventured upon 
the Cont Г this was cut short, 
when the FBI rapped upon his 
night in July 1974 and served 
n with papers extradit to 
Memphis for hi in 1 


conspiracy to transport. interstate an ob- 
scene motion picture.” Obviously, Reems 
had not himself lugged prints of Deep 


phis. But, according to Judge H 
W. Wellford, the Nixon appointee hea 
ing the case, “IE it weren't for аси 
e Mr. Reems, we wouldn't have mov- 
ike Deep Throat. 

The consternation of a Candy Cl 
mentioned earlie bout her nude scenes 
in The Man Who Fell to Earth is 
spreading throughout the Hollywood 
community. A committee for Reemss 
legal defense includes such prominent 
names as Warren Beatty, Tony Bill, 
Dick Cavett, Louise Fletcher, Gene 
Hackman, John Houseman, Norman 
Lear, Jack Lemmon, Shirley MacLaine, 
Rod McKuen (who 
office space), Steve 
Nichols, Jack Nicholson, 
and Barbra Streisand. АП 
this. precedent-set which a 
performer. is conspirator in a 
work over which he has no control, could 
ultimately affect every one of them. As 
icholson put it: "Had the Reems case 
been national precedent when Carnal 
Knowledge was released, I could have 
been subpoenaed and put in jail by 
some self-secking religious tic func- 
tior prosecutor in East Podunk 
If similar prosecutions began happening 
around the nation, an actor would prac 
tically be afraid to say hello in a film 
unless there was a confessional screen. 
between him and the person he was talk- 
ing to.” So fundraising parties for 
Reems are now booming from coast to 
coast, and industry people are contribut- 
r own pockets, because 
тестеп with the position 
taken by Reems's defense attorney, H 
vard law professor Alan Dershowitz. “To 
id more film makers," Dershow 
1, "selLcensorship will be the onl 


Ty 


Ryan O'Neal 


realize that 


ical course if they know that although 
most 


to show their movie in 
s of the country, that same 
can get them indicted for cri 
spiracy in places like Memphis. And as 
self-censorship grows, the most restrictive 
loc y standards will grad- 
ually dominate the rest of the county 
And our sex stars will be reduced to 
sharing soda-ountain straws with Andy 


Hardy. 
a 


Jantzen makes the 
separates that mix 
with any lifestyle— 
and that match each 
other handsomely. 
Including sweaters 
that turna pair 

of slacks or a 

blazer intoa 

bold new look. 


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221 


PLAYBOY 


222 


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What better way to ring in the 
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A Christmas tradition 

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satire ву rosent carora WORD PLAY 
more fun and games with the king's english in which words become delightfully self-descriptive 


HE 
ILLITERIT ү! | 
" CHAMP:GNE 


QUARANIIN 
| EXP*RG*TED 
ооу COT 


PLAYBOY 


LAS VEGAS сао page 200) 


will understand that life is full of nasty 
surprises. Also, I think gambling keeps 
kids out of jail. I grew up in a tough 
neighborhood with a lot of opportunities 
to get into serious trouble. While some of 
my buddies were out late at night burglar- 
izing and strong-arming, | was trying to 
break the candy-store owner in casino. 

Why do adolescents gamble? When I 
was in my teens, I stayed out until four 
A.M. My mother screamed that I would 
be forced to marry the girl, that 1 would 
get her into trouble, I only wished she 
was right. I was too shy with girls to have 
ny luck or any dates. I was out until 
four л.м. playing poker. But at least by 
that time, 1 had stopped cheating. 

1 had stopped cheating because I was 
it star athlete and fancied myself a hero. 
Heroes did not cheat. I was better than 
anybody else. I knew it and I assumed 
the rest of the world knew it. I had the 
same attitude as French and English 
noblemen who considered themselves gen- 
demen because they did not cheat at 
gambling and who would commit suicide 
belore refusing to repay a debt of honor 
(cured at the tables. So I always paid 
my gambling debts. Forty years later, I 
realize finally I am no better than anyone 
else. I still have markers in Vegas I have 
not paid. 


GAMBLING TALES 


There was a woman from Brooklyn. 
She lived a full life. She married and h 
children. Her sons became 
professional men. Her daughters gave her 
grandchildren. Her husband operated one 
of the most successful delicatessens on 
Coney Island. She was a model Hausfrau, 
a loving mother and a faithful wife. 

When she reached the age of 65, her 
husband died. She knitted a great deal; 
she visited her grandchildren. Friends 
took her to Miami Beach, She found the 
people there too old. She visited а mar- 
ried daughter in Californ She found 
the people there too young. On the way 
back to New York. she stopped over in 
Las Vegas. And there she became a peni 
me degenerate gambler, a rare species i 
America. She took a small apartment 
there. 

The Brooklyn lady gambled all day 
long. She read up on roulette systems, She 
played the slot machines until her shoul- 
ders ached. She accumulated treasure 
boxes full of nickels and dimes and quar- 
ters. She made friends of fellow penn 
ante degenerate gamblers and went for 
picnic lunches with them ıo Hoover Dam 
and the Grand Canyon. She never dipped 
to her savings. She took from her Social 
ity ion money to pay the 
rent and the rest she gambled on a daily 
budget. 

It is not enough to say she 
She was in a state of bliss, enw: 


as happy. 
iced with 


224 the whirring slots of the casino, the red 


and black swirling numbers of the rou- 
lette wheel, the diamond-backed black- 
jack cards unfolding before her. She could 
Torget her approaching death. She did that 
Tor 15 years. 

Her sons and daughters went to vi 
her periodically. They took her grandchi 
dren to sce her and receive presents from 
her. She refused to leave Las Vegas. Bu 
then, finally, one of those old-age discases 
ad he 


iler and frailer. But every day her 
s crowded around her bedside to 
play gin rummy and that is how she dicd, 
with а hand full of playing cards and an 
87-cent loser on the shes 

б 

In the early days of Vegas, an old des- 
ert rat collapsed outside а small-town ca- 
sino. Good itans lifted him up, 
took him into the casino and laid him out 
on the blackjack table. A couple of de- 
generate gamblers gathered around and 
placed bets on whether he would survive 
until the doctor arrived. The “ 
would not allow any first-aid treatment, 
because that would interfere with the 
fairness of the bet. 

This story, again like a Jot of gambling 
stories, has a happy ending. The desert 
rat recovered. The "ves" bettors made 
up a portion of th ings to give him 
a new grubstake when he left the hospital. 

. 

Perhaps the only foresighted, prudent 
degenerate gambler in Vegas history was 
Odds Bodkin. He was a man of honor 
who would ys pay his debts. When 
he made a big score, he would make huge 
advance ments to his hotel, three 
or four of the best restaurants in town, a 
clothing store, a jewelry store, his barber 
nd the madam of the 
so that no matter 
how badly the cards went against him, he 
could live well without cash for the next 
few month 

Finally, in his old age 
Two years of poverty broke his spirit. He 
couldn't believe that he was a loser, and 
so at the age of 70, he sent letters to all 
his friends, announcing that he was going 
10 suicide. A devout Catholic, 
he nds to intercede for him 
so that he could be buried in holy ground. 

His friends rushed to see the local Cath- 
olic priest, who indignantly refused their 
t to collect their friend, 
who on the final day of his life had 
lv gotten lucky. He had prepared th 
in his dining room and, after doing 
so, had redined on his bed to recover his 
strength. While lying there, he had fallen 
into à deep sleep and expired of heart 
failurc. 


he went broke. 


noose 


. 
At опе of the Strip hotels, the dice got 
ally hot and the action was fast and 


n 


furious. The shooter became so excited 
stacking up his chips and throwing his 
dice that his false teeth fell onto the 
green-felt table. The box man, without 
skipping a beat, whipped out his false 
teeth and said, “You're faded!" 

. 

A hybrid degenerate Chinese-Swiss gam- 
bler named Gerhard Goda established а 
ad famous restaurant in San Fran- 
s, his Swiss blood 
huge 
amounts of cash, since there is as much 
skimming done in gam- 
bling casinos counting rooms. 

But over the years, his Chinese gam- 
bling blood boiled to the top and it be- 
came his custom to spend three or four 
days in Vegas cach month. He was а des- 
perado degenerate gambler and he los 
huge amounts cach trip. but the resi 
t in San Francisco kept piling up the 
money. 

The Vegas hotel began to feel a form 
of reverence not only for his celestial bad 
luck but also for his inexhaustible 1 


roll. One day, the hotel's owners decided 
e him a birthday party. Four hun- 
dred Vegas gamblers were 
dima 


wited. As a 
x, a huge cake was wheeled into the 
ng room. The cake opened, the sides 
folded away and there was а gleaming 
“Italian red" $30,000 Stutz-Bcarcat. 

Goda burst into tears at this sign of 
friendship, forgetting that his loses of 
just one year could have bought him at 
least ten of those magnificent automobiles, 

"The next year, a rival hotel threw him 
party and presented him with 
ficent car, hoping to 
ness away from the other са. 
n, Goda burst into tears of hap- 
piness at finding such true friends, 

This went on lor six years. Goda soon 
owned a fleet of automobiles. Unfortu- 
nately, his restaurant died from n 
and the draining away of its life's blood 
of cash. He closed the restaurant and went 
to Vegas. His friends drove the automo: 
hiles there for him. He proceeded to lose 
the automobiles and became a penniless 
vagrant. 

Again, as in most 
one has a happy ending, One of the ho. 
tels employed him as а host and he per- 


e of his home, 
welry and gives it 
ambler client 
from the 


he constructs antique 
away to his degenerate 
who weep on his should 
of his friendship. 


у 


. 

In all the arguments about degenerate 
gamblers, the discussion narrows down to 
what game holds the biggest fascination 
for the player: blackjack. crap shooting, 
accarat, roulette or the slot machines. 
The argument is resolved by the follow- 
ing true story. 

At the Sahara Hotel у 
the са 


cars ago, with 
o jammed with gamblers of all 


PLAYBOY 


224B 


“Lend me thirty-five bucks, Ed . . . until afler Christmas." 


types, the management received 
ymous bomb threat. The casino n 
announced over the loudspeaker system, 
bomb threat has been received; please 
te the casino." Nobody moved. Five 
utes later, the manager announced 
n. "Please, everybody leave the ca- 
sino. A bomb threat has been received.” 

The blackjack players were the first to 
go. then the crapshooters, then the bac- 
carat. players; finally, the roulette players 
lelt. But the slot machines kept whirring 
and flashing, the players still thrusting 
their coins. Of the 1000 players. only four 
Id leave their machines, 

Luckily, the bomb threat proved to be 
а hoa 


anon- 
ger 


MAN DOES NOT LIVE BY ART ALONE 


It is natural that the most. intelligent, 
gilted, worthwhile people disapprove of 
y valid reasons 
to do so. Gambling is nonproductive to 
mbling is nonproductive to the 
dividual. It does not improve your 
mind, пргохе your health. It 
docs not help you love your fellow man 
oreven underst 
you waste time 
you from accomplish 
keeps you from writing your nov 
ing to be a doctor, and even prevents 
garbage from being collected from the 


society. G 


streets of New York, because in cold 
weather, the garbage men play cards in 
their warm trucks instead of working. 
Gambling keeps you from making love to 
your wife as often as you should. Gam 
bling keeps you from helping your chil 
dren with their homeworl mbling 
makes you squander your hard-earned 
wages, so that your wife and children go 
hungry, sometimes without a rool over 
their heads, It makes you unhealthy. be- 
cause you stay in a smoky room or a 
casino and never get any fresh 
ке. 

эи are intelli 


mbling is foolish, bec : vou cannot 
in. The house has that two percent to 14 
percent edge on the player in every kind 
of & ible: loser. Then why 
t by the strictest law and 
wot educate people 
te it at all 


civilized society? 
Well, man does not live by bread alone, 
He also does not live by art alone. M 
needs his foolish dreams perhaps more 
than he needs anything else. For two rea 
sons. He must forget the hardships and 
pain of life. He must forget that he must. 


stinct to gamble is the only reason he 
is still not a monkey in the trees. 

It is true that gambling has been a 
deadly disease; but I th 
longer true. As penicillin made venereal 
disease a comparatively minor 
and so encouraged the sexual revolution. 
so have the ability to read, the advent of 
television and movies, the ability to trav- 
el long distances easily and see strange 
countries relaxed the strangling grip that 
gambling had on mankind. We have other 


pleasures 10 relieve our anxieties, to di 
vert our fears. 
1 had to give up gambling at a сата 


period of my life because I found I could 
no longer write if I continued to gamble. 
Now, for the first time in my life, making 
more money than I have ever made, fi- 
ncially more secure than I have ever 
been. 1 have come to the conclusion that 
I cannot economically afford to gamble, 
the simple reason being that 10 gamble 
to risk. that is to approach, the “rui 
ctor.” When 1 was poor, the ruin fac 
tur was not important. Hell, I was ruined, 
ayway. But now I ıe too much to lose 
ad the ruin factor is decisive. Of course, 
Thad to lose а great deal of money and 
come near ruin before 1 could figure that 
out. Gambling education is not cheap. 

Everyone misses his childhood, even if 
it was an unhappy one, because then the 
world was pure. That is why so many 
people gamble. 1 think it is a desire 10 be 

ppy in an innocent way. You can casi 
у call this infantile. But T have noticed 
that the acquiring of knowledge. of pow- 
er. of wealth does not always make a man 
happy. The love of a beauitul (throw 
woman does not 
n happy. Ceraint 
give him pleasure. 

Here is the terrible truth: T got more 
pure happiness winning 20 grand at the 
casino crap table than I did from a check 
for many times that amount as the result 
of honest hard work on my book. 

Before anyone thinks I'm completely 
crazy. let me say that 1 recognize that it 
was better for me ay a social human being 
to carn my money by hard work. 1 real 


went broke. Still, the mysterie 
remains: Why did ] so much more Jove 
ing money in a way over 


al freedom 
end d its absence of guilt. No 
matter what our character, по matter 
what our behavior, no mauer if we are 
ugly. unkind, murderers, saints. guilty 
sinners, foolish or wise, we can get lucky. 


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WHAT 15 LIFE? (continued pron page 163) 


Mortonson—a mere mortal and not too 
fantastic a 


specimen, at that—hadn't 
ntest idea of what life was. So 
aps reveal his 


the fi 
his answer should perl 
understanding of his own mortal li 
tations but also show his areness that 
it was somehow appropriate for the god 
or demon to ask this question of a po- 
tentially divine creature like man, herc 
represented by Mortonson with his 
stooped shoulders, sunburned nose, 
orange rucksack and crumpled pack of 
Marlboros. On the other hand, m: 
the implication of the question was 0 
Mortonson пзе really did know what 
life was and could spontaneously state it 
in а few well-chosen words. But was 
already a bit late for spontancous wisdom. 
II be right with you.” Mortonson 


OK," said the tremendous voice, 
booming off the mountains and rolling 
through the valleys. 

It was really a drag to be put on the 
line like this spiritually. And it wasn’t 
fair. After all, Mortonson hadn't come 
to Nepal as a pilgrim, he was only here 
on a 30-day excursion. Не was simply a 
young American with a sunburned nose 
chain-smoking Marlboros on a hillside 
in Nepal, where he had come through a 
con ion of restlessness and an un- 
expected birthday gift of 5500 from his 
parents. So what could you infer from 
that, contextwise? “Raw American En- 
counters Immemorial Eastern. Wisdom 
nd Fails Miscrably to Get with It” A 
bummer! 

Nobody likes to be put on the spot 
like that. It's embarrassing and poten 
tially ego damaging to have this vast 
otherworldly voice come at you with 
what has to be a trick question. How do 
you handle it? Avoid the trap, expose the 
double bind, reveal your knowledge of 
the metagame by playing it in a sp f 
frivolity! Tell the voice: Life is à voice 
asking a man what life is! And then roar 
with cosmic laughter. 

But to bring that oll, you need to be 
sure that the voice understands the levels 
ol your answer. What if it says, "Yea 
that’s whats happening, but wha 
Ше?" And you're left standing there 
with ectoplasmic egg on your face as that 
cosmic laughter is directed at you—gre 
gusty, heroic Laughter at your pomposity, 


jour complacency, your arrogance 
even attempting to answer the ш 
answerable. 


"How's it coming?" the voice asked. 

"Em still working on it,” Mortonson 
said. 

Obviously, this was one of those spirit- 
ual quickies, and Mortonson was still 
stalling around and hadn't even. gotten 
around yet to considering what in hell 


life was. Quickly, he reviewed some pos- 
sibilities: Life is a warm Puppy. Lile is 
Asymmetry. Life is Chance. Lile is Chaos 
shot through with Fatality (remember 
that one). Life is just a Bowl of Cherries. 
Life is Birdcall and Windsong (nice). 
Life is What you make it. Life is Cosmic 
Dance. Life is a Movie. Life is Matter 
become curious (did Victor Hugo say 
that). Life is Whatever the hell you 
want to call it. 

“This is really a tough one,” Morton- 


75 for sure," the voice said, roll- 
ing from peak to peak and filling the 
air with its presence. 

One should always be prepared for 
this kind of spiritual emergency, Morton- 
son thought. Why didn't NYU have a 
course in Normative Auitudcs Toward 
the Unexpected? But college never pre- 
ed you for anything 
just went along learning a little here 
id there, picking up оп Chuangtzu, 
Thoreau, Norman Brown, Rajneesh, the 
Shivapuri Baba and the other insiders 
who really knew the score. And all their 
stuf sounded absolutely right on! But 


when you closed the book, that was the 
end of it, and there you were, scratching 
your nose and wishing that somcone 


would invite you to a party where you'd 
meet а beautiful childlike young woman 
with long straight hair and upright 
pointy breasts and long slender legs, but 
no time to get into that, because 
amined voice was waiting for the 
answer, the Big Answer, but what in 
almighty hell was life? 

"I've almost got it,” he said. 

What bugged him was the knowledge 
that he had a lot to gain if he could only 
come up with the right answer. It was 
an incredible chance for ual ad. 
vancement, an opportunity to skip a few 
termediate steps and get right up to 
Enlightenment, Moksha, Satori! A really 


together person could solve this and 
parlay the ensuing insight into guruhood, 
maybe even into Buddhadom! You could 
spend a lifetime going to Esalen or a 
Gurdjieff group and never get near any- 


thing like this! But what was life? 
Mortonsot 


ground out his cigarette 
it was his last. No more 


Mortonson rubbed his forehead and 

id in а loud but somewhat shaky voic 

“Life is Conflagration!” 

here was an uncanny silence. After 

what he judged was a proper discretion- 
it, Mortonson asked, "Uh, w 


"Em uying it out" the noble and 
tremendous voice boomed. “Conflagra- 
tion is too long. Blaze? Fire! Life is Fire! 
That fit 

“Fire is what 1 meant" Mortonson 
said. 


‘ou really helped me out,” the voice 
said. "I was stuck on that one. Now 
maybe you can help me with seventy- 
across. I need to know the middle name 
of the inventor of the frictionless star 
e. Its on the tip of my tongue, but 
t quite get it. The third leer is D.” 
Mortonson had been prepared for 
some freaky revelations, but playing 
Co: Crosswords was not idea of 
where anything was at, spiritually spe: 
ing. He just couldn't relate to it, even 
though it was definitely an extraordinary 
nce. 
ates that he thereupon turned 
and walked away from the voice and the 
higher mysteries and returned to his 
ion in Katmandu. Now he has gone 
to his job as expediter in his 
father's gristle-processing plant in Skow- 
hegan, and he takes his vacations in 
Majorca. 


“You know perfectly well what hand puppet!” 


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(continued from page 161) 
to make faces at me. When my neck 
approached the 18 mark, I was shown to 
the door. To my great delight, T discov- 
cred a Lexington. Avenue clothing sto 
that “split up” suits, that is, fit you with 
а great hippolike jacket and then awarded 
you the pants from an entirely different 
that would normally have gone to a 


and while deliver- 
mp in New 
Hampshire, 1 ion to suffer 
hyperventilation attack. Gasping for 
1 located a doctor who calmed me down, 
in essentially good condition 
id gave me a supply of paper bags tha 
I was to carry about at all time 
one over my head when I felt 
attack coming on. "This particular 
scemed to tie in with an impendi 
vorce and 
to cat tur 


ing a ger! 


made me Ш as a child camper 


d, quite 
s it turned out, I was con- 
а counselor would shove a 


irrationally 
vinced that 


drove through the gate. Tweaking at my 
aid that although I was 
the moment, fellows of my body 


fire candidate: coro- 


arms, the doctor 
sale fc 


You mean bulky guy 
су.” said the doctor 

rly decision to achieve bulk, then, 
. Were I to con- 
, 1 would ui 


care. D set about immediately to co 
this situation by taking midnight 
through Central Park. This put an alm 
immediate dent in my bulk. though I d. 
veloped, in its place, little flaps at the 
waist, inclegautly referred to by а Da 

ton-based stewarde andles." 1 
f ig my] 
were no threat wh 
tion seems to be that runners are essen- 
tially hardy fellows who will kash back 
them. Perhaps, too, they have an inbred 
tear of people who dash about in the 
g ips to California, 1 con- 
runs along the beach at Ma 
g up at Ry s house 
Г he was up to any laky-panky. 
Apart from trots along certain sections 
unless Valéry 
is along, running is 
activity. On the posi 
d to be draw 
y if they are stationed 
downwi them. It was in such а 
ишет that I met Jill St. John 

‘The late ied my fare- 
well to bulk. 1 loped through much of this 
d. sw over at the start of the 
decade to a balanced program of 
ad fits of gym activity. The martial 


id, duri 


o 


Gi: 


side, st 


sloth 
arts had taken over and а good many of 


the fellows in gyms were hard at work 
learning to kick through people's rib 
cages. This represented a grim turn of 
events for my old bulk crowd. Though 
«Шу striving for physical fitness, it 
always seemed to me that they were there, 
to get themselves ready 
to beat up people. No mater. how 


posing and finely turned. out the lat or 
pec, there is simply no way to smack 
someone with it when he is sailing 


through your rib cage. Оп the two oc 
ions on which I have had to deal with 
iolence, I have used. books to smash at 
my attackers, A Galsworthy Reader for 
a B6th Street offender 
Rise of the West for 
Queen: 

1 am quite pleased with my present 
in the fashi 
Томау happy families? 1 would make 
1 emendation; all happy gyms smell 
j, on the other hand, has a 
My present one has 
nm of UN Ecuadori- 


pped in the rui 
ng to be pried ош. At ш 
nounced times, the barrier betwee 
ws and women's gyms is swept 
abling one to see. Wilhelmina models 
ng Gif raises. A sign in the swimming 
a that said, PEOPLE WITH BOILS NOT 
ALLOWED 10 JUMP IN гооп. has been tak- 
down; the fear that fellows with this 
type of affliction would seize the occasion 
freely has not been borne out. 
No longer is there much emphasis on 
gargantuan muscles; the strongest fellow 
I have seen in recent months is a me 
who turned up to fix the air 


w 


at condition of my body, 
intlooking and highly 
1 not. on the 
other hand, rd any whispered 
conversations. in which someone ре 
to me and says, “ГИ bet he's invested 
six thousand hours in getting it that 
way" E have had no luck in trimming 


it is quite plea 
adequate, thank yo 


ove 


is 


go forward with them flipping 
v side. 1 show up at gyms exhausted 
id return home exhausted, but my [a- 
tigue has a certain vigor to it. Му sleep 
may be troubled, but only in a muscular 
g of virtue 
with gym attendance; 
а session at one, T feel totally jus 
tified in emptying vats of brandy that 
very night. The gym, too, has become 
something of a mom to me. Whenever 
my feelings are hurt, I run right off to 
Recently, а young lady at а singles 
ed to me as Pops. TL. 
t her by racing to the gy 
tinue to be useful to me. 
tolls for th 


here is also the Есеј 
that goes 
afte 


m 


Until the bell 
final set of curls, I suppose 
J shall continue to troop off to them. 


SEXUAL CONGRESS 


(continued from page 177) 
and make her $100,000 before Christmas. 
But she was alone and lonely. Liz Ray 
had been so loyal to her Congression 
sugar daddy that she, unlike the prover- 
bial hooker, did not even have a secret 
boyfriend, а real lover on the side with 
whom she had e nothing. She was 
y п she said: "I don't 
even have anybody to take me out on 
the biggest day of my lile." 1 wound up 


waking her to di 


Lured by visi y 
stream into the cipital eve mer, 
their freshly inked diplomas dutched to 
their tender. notyetsagging bosoms. 
They ave the girls of Washington, the 
ladies of Capitol Hill and the White 
House and Foggy Bottom, the secretarial 


them seem to 
come from the South. Liz Ray did. 
In the South. there are only two pl 
for a young lady to go to get aw 
home: Айана is the good time and 
hington is the big time. To South 
emers, W i to North- 
grits for 


v of Congress. The pre 
ant vernacular is Southern. In her 
book Laughing All the Way, 
confes: bout her pilgrimage 
Raleigh, North Carolina, to the in 
circles of Lyndon Johnson's White 


qu 
OEE harry e io 
drown in hometown boredom. . . . [But] 
a Southern accent d ady.” 
Southern women come to the capi 
hoping for a sliver of power 


to attach themselves to; they soon find 
out it is not the young legislative aides 
nd executive go-lers who have it. Powe 


ful men are usu; 
hear 


ly married men. The 
wome: bout the city's legendary 
nine4oone girl-boy ratio and resign 
themselves either to being adulterous or 
to staying home. Yet they all fantasize 
about the big hit from a Senator prince 
who will walk imo the office one day and 
sweep them olf in a long black Caddy with 
a low license-pl ber. "In any other 
city.” wrote B Sabol in The Village 
Voice, “a secretary is considered lowlife, 
but a secretary in Washington has stat- 
re ar the center of power." 
n ds ut male de ated, 
The men there © outsized egos 
and. prefer submissive women. From the 
snazzy looking chicks who punch buttons 
(and read paperbacks) in the Congre 
sional elevators to those who have the 


so-fer jobs in the Executive branch, 
Southern girls are everywhere in Wash- 
ington. You won't meet many Vassarites 
or smart Jewish girls [rom the Bronx 


on Capitol Hill. “А threatening woman, 
а woman good at what she does, is not 
welcome in this town," s Richard 
Reeves, New York mag 
ton columnist. “TI 
where the men 


defin 
down 


fuck 
women fuck up. In. New York, a sr 


woman fucks at her own level. 
Listen 10 onc former Sout 


а secre 


ary 
in Washington: “When vou are from a 


like 1 
by all 


| Lou 
blown 


tow 
youre just 
impor 
the office. One da 
to have a dr 


ana am, 


these 


away 
imous people walking into 


‚ one of them asked me 
nk after work—everybody 
has a агі work. And then sudden 
ly I not taking an interest in 
OF course, he was marricd—all the 
importam men are. 1 knew it could mean 

rouble. but 1 was really overwhelmed 
that this smooth, sophisticated guy was 
talking to me. 1 mean, just three months 
belore. 1 was worrying about what to 
wea to church on Sunday. Suddenly. 
I was in bed with power; then 1 was 


. 

We put the top down on Liz's brow 
Corvette and headed out for Ale! 
avy humidity of W; 
ppealing without be 
ul. She photographs better tha 
с looks. From where 1 was sitting, sh 
seemed а bit thick in the neck and was 
growing a double chin that worried h 
Em going to a plastic surgeon to have 
it fixed,” she volunteered. her eyes dart- 
ing back and forth бот the road to me. 
он voluptuous body 
fragile femininity: she is 517 tall 
nd smallboned. Pale-blue eyes and 
creamy skin arc the marks of her Scottish- 
Irish mountain ori, 

"b won't talk 


about Mr. You-know- 


who,” she said, "because the Justice De- 
partment won't let me. was Liz's 
coy reference to Wayne Hays. She 


wouldn't mention any other Famous 
Names she had slept with, because the 
awyers wanted upwards of 550.000 and 


rdemnification against a libel suit first. 
Liz was speedy. nervous, simple aud 
ic prisoner of hillbilly 


he pronounced "lecliugs 
Her mind flew off in all 
directions at once. She was overwhelmed. 
by her sudden notoriety. never really 
she was the frontpage story she 
А become. ved publicity. but 
she was angered aud frustrated by the 
alisic world that kept her phon 
‚ Virginia, high- 
nterstate highw: 
di con- 
yelling at her lawyers. 
meeting with FBI agents, complaining 
at The Washington. Post, 
er shrink for advice 


Liz cr 


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on 


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made phone calls at 6:30 in the morning, 
while siti the bathtub, or 


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AM. while sprawled on the fake white 
Iur covering her king-sized bed. 

Wherever she went in Washington, 
Liz was accompanied by a nurse. The 
nurse's job was simply to see that she 
did not go over the brink, Her instant 
fame had cast Liz into such sudden, 
awful lonesomeness; she had no one to 
ne with he real friends 
with whom she did not have to lie about 
her age (33). On the advice of her shrink, 
Liz hired a nursecompanion at 585 
day. The nurse followed her wherever 
she went, padding along in noiseless 
seftsoled shoes and a starched nursing 
wnilorm to interviews with reporters and 
meetings at the Justice Department. She 
carried Liz's raincoat just in case the 
Washington mugginess turned to falling 
drops. She even slept in on Lizs red 
crushed-velvet couch, 

б 

According to the news, Washington is 
a city of dirty old men and pretty young 
women. V ‚ 1 Liz Ray. 
Representative John Young of Texas 
was getting it in his office from Colleen 
Gardner on what amounted to a political 
casting couch. Senator Mike Gravel was 
charged with getting Liz Ray on a 
houseboat on the Potomac, a liaison 
Gravel insists never took place. Congress- 
man Joe Waggoner, Jı, was accused of 
propositioning a policedecoy prostitute 
nd beat the rap after the cops chased 


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him for six blocks. What's going on? 

“Hell, a Congressman could shit on 
the street here and the cops wouldn't 
book him.” This is а Southern journalist 
talking about the Alice in Wonderland 
quality of Nothing surprises 
me here—i п aberration, а land 
unto itself. It’s the Washington. permis- 
siveness. A lot of these Congressmen 
come here from small towns and act like 
I8-year-olds going off to college. Pussy 
seems to be the only cat 
Wilbur Mills and Wayne Hays hz 
used power for years, but it took. Fanne 
Foxe and Liz Ray to move Congress to do 
something about them. They have to be 
caught literally with their pants down to 
get change.” 


E 
Lizs long bleached-blonde hair was 
streaming in the damp night ай. Now 
she was upset about her book, She had 
not had time even to read the final уе 
sion, which had arrived that morning, 
but she knew the manuscript had. be 
severely cut. 1 had read it and she asked 
what 1 thought. “Liz, its not really 
political exposé, because you don't name 
mes. And йз not a good fuck book, 
her, because everything is reduced to 
one-liners like ‘And I sucked him oll. 

Liz was livid. "Oh, those people at 
the book!" med. 
med to write kinky sex, but most 
deleted. “They must have taken 


ruined she эсте 


of it м: 


out all the good parts, like the scene with 
the priest.” The priest is a character in 
Lizs book who, having decorously re- 
moved his clerical jacket and collar, is 
seduced by a classic Liz Ray blow job. 
The entire sex scene is reduced to 
single. dry paragraph in the book—a lov 
less quickie. “I wrote nine pages about 
that night, with all the atmosphere and 
the things in his room,” she said girlishly. 
To judge by Liz's book, blow jobs are 
the true coin of the Washington realm, 
No matter which way or where you go 
about things,” she wrote, “the legitimate 
job is always second to the blow job. 
She means, of course, that for a woman 
to get ahead in Washington, she has to 
spend a lot of time on her back. Or on 
her knees. Of course: If ego stroking is 
the a 


ing need of overweening politi 
cians (was Wayne Hays not overween- 
ing?). then what more appropriate sexual 
metaphor than а girl on her knees 
behind the Congressional desk? Your 
basic master-slave scene. 

The Congressional axiom was always: 
If you want to get along. go along. The 
secretarial corollary on Capitol Hill must 
be: И you want to get ahead, give head 
They're giving a good thing а bad name. 

. 

I have never seen a town where it is so 
casy to score after midnight. Or even 
just before the mandatory two-A.M. bar 
closing. If they want to go out, the 
162,000 unmarried young women of 
greater Washington often must. go out 
alone. Check the hangouts оп М Street 
or Wisconsin. Avenue in 
They stand up at the bar at Clyde's and 
dance with any comer at Winston's; they 
make the disco scene at Tramp's and eat 
fastserve French food at Le Pam-Pam 
Bistro Français. One recent visitor to 
Washington had three impromptu dates 
in a single evening, switching from onc to 
the next as he moved from Capitol Hill 
at five o'clock to a lawn. party off Mas 
sachuseus Avenue at seven to a bar in 
Georgetown at ten. When better bait 
surfaces, bite. The atmosphere, again 
Southern, is friendly and open; the ladie: 
are obliging. This is really no different 

ма or Dallas on a good, warm 


Georgetown: 


tionately so many more of them im 
Washington. 


б 

We found a small Italian restaurant 
in Alexandria; Liz ordered scaloppine 
nd artichoke hearts; I ordered а boule 
of Soave. Liz was self-conscious: "Do you 
think anybody recognizes me?” She drew 
idelong but mercifully silent glances 
from waiters and patrons. Liz needed 
recognition but did not know how to 
She was thrilled when liule 
old ladies in Garfinckel's, Washington's 
leading department store, approached 
her in the beauty salon with copies of 
her book to be autographed. She grinned 
and signed from under the hair drier 


Once she called me at seven in the mor 
ng to complain of the media pressures 
was suflering—then she squealed: 
Эһ. there I am, there 1 am on The 
Today Show!” News clips thrilled her. She 
jumped up and down when she saw herself 
on the cover of the supermarket tabloid 
The Star, which serialized her book, but 
she never read the accompanying stories 

Liz was image-conscious. While sex wa 
obviously her bag, she wanted to cle 
up her act, a traditional Southerner's 
atavistic y g for respectability. She 
turned down an oller to do а dirty movie. 
She threatened а lawsuit il Hustler 
printed her pictures. Yet she was cager to 
peddle three-year-old shots of herself in 
the classic Marilyn Monroe profile pose. 
stretched out on a satin sheet. They had 
even been taken at her request by Tom 
Kelley, the venerable photographer who 
had done the historic Mouroe shooting. 

Liz had been au illegitimate child who 
never saw her father. In her book, she 
ks of her sexy, "utterly untamed” 
mother, Robbie, "who could always find 
а way to sneak olf . . . with her latest 
beau.” And: “I was glad I looked 
Robbie, but the last thing in the wi 
wanted was to end up like her.” 

. 

relations in Washington is 
iy giving. Lobbyist Kenneth Gray, 
formerly a Representative [rom Ilinois, 
1 to be the well-heeled repr 
ve ol big oil interests called I 
Lizs book. Gray well understood that 
g a list of ladies who would reliably 
put out at small, intimate parties on а 
househo c of his most persuasive 
professional tools. The wide, meandering 
Potomac River 1 the city is a 
proximate locale for private escapes ( 
escapades) Irom Washington—a w 
borne lovers’ lane. 


sh 


D 


ld 1 


I was oi 


The 


art of 
rt in 


flucnce peddi 
Washington 


Consider 
rean mil 
ıe who const mmoth 
ppiug and rice hi 
Washington friends in high places. Park, 
who is usually accompanied by a lovely, 
ed lady of Virgini 

а $480,000 private home in the 
posh northwest quadrant of the city. He 
also founded the sedate, exclusive George 
Town Club in a restored Colonial house 
oll Wisconsin. Avenue, Park gained no- 
tice for а sh he threw there 
two years a ise Majority Leader 
lip O'Neill, He once paid for the Car. 


birthday 1 


ibl tion of Betty Ford's chief of 
staff and her husband. After the press 
reported it, the White House began an 


invest 


nd she left her job. Later, 
uted suicide. 


afterward. Those in the Agnew crowd 
were the secret swingers of the Nixon era: 
they brought the ways of Hollywood to 
the otherwise dull capital. "There wa 
real lull during the Nixon years.” Mala- 
testa admits. “so I went into a house 
24th Street with Sinatra. We st 
g the best parties in town. Wi 
round. it was а high-profile p 
Malatesta now runs the members-only 
Pisces Club in a Georgetown basement 
decorated in. Vegas- Miami Beach Gothic. 
including a clattering indoor ice-blue 
waterfall, It is designed to segregate 
nouveau Beautiful People [rom regular 
folks: old men may stagger about drunk: 
enly with impunity here. Around mid- 
there is no lack of svelte, 
anned ladies at the cushy bar. 
Malatesta sees no harm in doing God's 
work for man's more urgent needs: he is 
ther proud of w role as jetset 
social chairman, “Say a guy is coming in 
from the Coast, I know six or eight girls 
to call to get him a date,” he says. 

This is, of course, no different from 
what a well-connected bachelor in any 
town does for his buddies, It's just that 
the guys coming to Washington arc often 
politicians or other types on political 
nds. Politics is the juice in Washing; 
€ Mafia contacts in. Vegas. What 
round comes around; sooner or 
later, the linchpin between a visitor and 
the power he wants to connect with may 


be а soft, wet, warm thing surrounded 
by fine hair. If the story is true, Ken Gray 
arranged for Liz Ray t0 ball Mike Gravel 
on the houseboat to secure the Senator's 
vote on a pet publicworks bill. “И ruth 
be known,” wrote Liz, “[it] should be 
called "the Ray Act” 

‘The function of PR im this tow 
comments Richard Reeves, "is not get- 
ting people's names into the paper—it's 
1 ıg people together. The party giv- 
ers are always tying to get Woodward or 
Bernstein to the receptions, Se 

ar is one cut above a Congressm 
the pecking order. ‘There are always loads 
of beautiful. unattached women at these 
things. If you leave with a lady you met 
there, the host figures he has points with 
you. So it is in his interest to have them 
ound. That's how the system work 
And listen › the dep: 
Southern secretary: "The wives? ОГ 
course they know those 
husbands say they're working à 
all spent at a desk. It is so widespread 
n Washington that there is nobody left 
to blow the whistle on anybody else. So 
what is the wile going to do—bc in 
t and leave her nice house in Vir- 
ginia and all the glamor that she still 
gets out of it and take the kids back to 
Momma in Villesburg and put up with 
the hicks again? Hell, no. She just ac- 
cepts it. Maybe she drinks a lot, 

"The bad thing for a single girl is, 


229 


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this Ше never leads anywhere. It just goes 
around in a circle. Once you're caught 
up in the whole thing, there are only 
two ways to stop: Get married or get out. 


1 got ou 
. 

Liz nibbled at her dinner and barely 

sipped the wine. It was her first calm 


weeks and she was symbol 
ically crying on the nearest shoulder— 
mine s always cha 
of Marilyn Monroe (with long blonde 
hair and tits like hers, I might, too). It 
was a vision that enthralled her during a 
backwoods education that apparently 
consisted of equal parts comic books and 
screen mags. She knew her primary 
appeal lay between her legs, not her ea 


moment in 


Liz wa ing the ghost 


Women have always jumped social rank 
via the bedroom, The only difference 
between Liz and hundreds before her 
was that she was not quite wily enough 
to push one of her secret suitors over the 
edge of the commitment threshold —into 
geting а divorce and marrying her. 
Many others have or, failing that, decid- 

d back to the action 


ed to cut bait and he 
in Raleigh or Adanta. Liz woke up one 
day and saw herself 33 years old and not 
getting any younger; she had damned 
liule to show for it. She had given a lot 
of fellows a lot of fun and had not even 
drawn a hooker's pay for it. Judgi 
the pseudo-Spanish furnishings in 
apartment, Liz did not make out. 

in's wages will finally come her way 
from her revelations and her book. She 
may make another $100,000 from imer- 
views, nude photo shootings and the 
movie to be made from her book—with 
Liz as star. But at least half of that 
money will go to Unde, so Liz has maybe 
three to four years’ worth of very modest 
living left. Then, as one marriage-minded 
lady asked, “What's she going t0 do? No- 
body will ever hire her, and who would 
want to marry her?” 

No one is more conscious of this than 
Liz who finally struck me as a rather 
tragic figure—duped by her prettygirl 
upbringing and her insatiable urge to be 
everybody's pinup. "What am I going to 
she asked. 7E still want to be an 
actress, but now everybody knows my 
real age [she had been saying 27]. When 
this whole thing dies down, nobody will 
want to talk to me Liz did not 
understand she had boxed herself 
into the Joneliest corner in the world, 
that she had ridden the carrousel too far 
too fast and too long, and that everyone 
else 1 already gotten oll. “Why am Е 
so alone?” she groaned. 

We cranked up the outoftune Cor- 
vette and drove back to Arlington, At 
her apartment, I asked Liz what she 
would do differently in her life if given 
another chance. There was absolutely no 
humor in her thin, wavering voice when 
she answered: rn to type." 


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vicars, treasurers, 
ics and especially 


insists on clothing hi 
acons, schola: 


curtains of emerald silk 
id violet orphreys of cloth of gold 
His funds are giving way. He bor- 
rows from unscrupulous people. An im- 
mense fortune is being squandered. 
ightened by his mad course, the fam- 
ily of the marshal supplicates the king to 
inter g her image fades. 
б 

A scene between Gilles de Rais and 
Jean V. the Duke of Brittany. 

Jean V: "Spend less! Abjure alchemy. 
Iv is too expensive.” 

Gilles: "The star under which I was 
bom is so potent that 1 must discover 
what no one in the world has found." 

He has tried to say this mockingly, but 
the force of his absolute convietion leaves 
ion in the air. 


too much lust 


the extreme. 
“I fear neither angels n 
mons. In the beyond, all things touch. 
and Des Hermies 
the cracked. walls of the ruins. The night 
is bright. One part of the castle is thrown 
hack into shadow and the other stands 
forth, washed in ег and blue. Below 
is the Sèvre, along whose surface streaks 
of moonlight dart like the backs of fishes. 
The silence is overpow 
lock. not a dog, not a soul 
Durtal (out of the siler 
id figure 


e) “ 


the 


Middle 


“He's still about.” 
Durtal: “What do you mean? 

Des Hermies: “1 expect Sata 
come down in an unbroken line from 
ıl 


ge to this." 

They return to thy 
nu, where an old woman, in black, 
wearing the cornet headdress her ance 
tors wore in the 16th Century, waits 
with a candle to bar the door as soon as 
they retur 

Once in the room, Durtal bursts out, 
“You believe ht now as we k that 
the Devil is being evoked and the Black 
Mass celebrated?” 


mber at the 


Des Hermies: "Yes." 

Dural (sardonically): “You have 
proofs. of course.” 

Des Hermies (shrugs): “Tomorrow eve- 


ning, let's dine with Carhaix.” 


sweet butte: 
battered Lamp. 

The diners are silent, their noses in 
thei brightened by 


Des Hermies is saying. “An old an 
mple religion that helps explain our 


(continued from page 132) 


abominable mes. There they rule us: 
the God of Light and the Power of Dark- 
ness, two powers of omni с two 
‚ you 


together. 
Is it more dilhcult to comprehend two 
finities than. one?" Des Hermies asks. 
But he is waiting till M 
who has got up to remove the plates, 
will go out of the room to fetch the beef. 
As soon as she is gone, he whispers, "I 
tell you that the worst Manich: 
no rci ice t for 
They like wu 
‘Horrible! 
Тап sure Mons Hermies has 
something awful,” murmurs 
Carhaix as she comes back, 
a planer on which is а piece of 


of smothered in vegetables. 
They burst out laughing. Carhaix cuts 
while his wife pours the 
bottle of 


up the meat 


cider and Рила! uncorks a 


s pale face is | 
great canine eyes аге beon 
Gously moist. Visibly, he is jubilan 
table with friends, in his tower. 
npty your glasses. You » dri 
ys. holding up the cider pot. 
dmit you said yester- 
day that Satanism has pursued an unin- 

apted course since the Middle Age: 
ays Durtal. 


у sses me not at all. 
In the 15th Century, your own Gilles de 
Rais. By the 16th, Catherine de Médicis. 
In the 17th, the ‘possessed’ of Loudun. 
In the 18th, to give just one example, a 
n Abbé Guibourg made а spectacle 
of his abominations. On a table serving 

s altar, a woman lies down, with her 


stretched. She holds the 
g the whole office. 
"In. this fashion, Gui 
Masses on the abdomen of ) 
Montespan, Madame d’Argenso 
Madame de Saint Point.” 
My heavenly 5 
ringer's wile. “What a lot of filth. 
Thats a change," Dural. 
the Middle Ages, the Mass was celebrated 
on the naked buttocks of a woman." 
“These frightful stories seem to have 
your appetite,” says Madame 
‘Come, Monsieur Durtal, a lit- 
Пе more salad? 
No, thanks. 
“My friends. 


says Carhaix, looking 
troubled, "I must sound the Angelus. 
Don't wait for me. Have your coffee. 

He puts on a heavy coat, lights а 1 
tern and opens the door. A stream of gl 
cial air pours in. White flakes whirl in 
the blackness. 


Once he is gone, his wife says, “Mon- 
ur Des Hermies, here is the coffee. 1 
appoint you to the task of serving i 
At this hour of day, 1 must lie down. 

"You were saying," says Durtal, when 
they have wished her good night, "th 
the most important element in Satanism 
is the Black Mass. 

"No. I wouldn't ignore w 


cheraft, in- 


cubacy. succubacy." 

At this moment, the bell, set in mo- 
tion the tower, booms out. The cham- 
ber in which they are sitting trembles 


d waves of sound come out of the walls 
d in the rooms of the tower, the 
reverberation is oppressive. 

Now the booming of the bell com 
more slowly. The humming departs from 
the air. The tumblers on the table cease 
itle and give off only a tenuous 
tinkling. 

A step is heard on the stairs. Carl 
enters covercd with snow. 

Christi, boys, it blows!” He shakes 
himself. throws hi outer garments 
onto a chair and extinguishes his lantern. 

Carhaix goes up to the stove and pokes 
the fire. then dries his eyes, which the 
bitter cold has filled with tears, and 
drinks a great draught of collee 

How far did you get with your lec- 
ture, Des Hermics? 

“Td like Durtal to sec your fi 
évingey." 
Well, the 


nd 


1 will arrange it 
u a chance ло get to 


ntern 
descend. the. gla- 
stairs. 


lights his 
gle file, shiverin; 
Gal, pitch-dark, wind 
. 
is in his 


Durtal 
п alch 
Coitus, The camera sees myste 
Чез and flasks. Each contains 
will small creature i 
lion the size of a frog hangs h 
ward. Doves no than beetles a 
g to Пу up to the neck of another 
boule. The liquid in one jar is black 
and undulates with waves of c 
gold. Another is white 


id. down- 


mes flames rise from a liqui 
look, we hear Durtal’s voice m 
over his docum nd his fantasies. 
Dural: “With the aid of the pl 
phers’ stone, provided one could fi 
mercury would be transmuted to silver 
ld. Where did they 1 
ipeter 
the juices of spurge, poppy 
in the bellies of starved 
human urine: in the menstrual fluid. ol 
women and nilk. How Gilles de 
Rais must have been рае 
The second 
of the bells is he 


We sce а small medie 
perhaps eight or ten prie 


al procession, 
ts, soldiers and 


“Thanks, Hamlet . . . yow're a prince!” 


233 


What the well dressed man is wearing. 


Pierre Cardin Mans Cologne 


Accessories courtesy of Tiffany & Co, 


servants, approaching the castle of Tif 
fauges. We see Gilles de Rais crossing а 
drawbridge over the moat to greet the 

A young priest, exceptionally polished 
in appearance, approaches. He has f 
tures that speak of a formidable intelli- 
gence. The two men embrace. 


“L salute Marshal les de Rais, the 
most splendid mind of France,” says the 
young priest. 

"Francesco the master of 


Prelati is 
ic. There is no one I have 


They 


bodies move in 
to cach othe 


ancesco 
Prelati in the great laboratory that occu- 
i wing of the castle. It is filled 
with an alchemists furnace and cru 
bles and retorts. 

Gilles: conducted 
‚ Nothing but failu 


«periments for 
t Му frustra- 
We have a 
ig. of flames in 
many colors and burning powders: we 
hear the aies of animals being slaugh- 
tered sacrificially. “Nothing came n 
finding the philosophers’ stone.” 

Prelati: "The secret of alchemy is that 
no secret can be uncovered without the 
itervention of Satan.” 

Gilles docs not look happy. "I have 
come to the same conclusion,” he says, 
“but the thought is not happy. To com- 
bine my force with such a force. That is 
too powerful, Terrible things have hap- 
pened already.” 


E 
We sec a sorcerer trace a great circle 
n the floor of a large empty room. Now 
he asks De Rais and another nobleman 
to step inside the circle. The nobleman 
begins to tremble. Gilles, bolder, stands in 


tke middle of the circle. At the first 
conjurations, however, he begins to pray 
o Our Lady. The sorcerer, furious, or- 


nen out of the room. Gilles 
nd rush through the door and 
wait below in the courtyard. Howls 
suddenly heard from the chamber where 
cian is operating alone, There is 

the sound of blows. 
When the groans cease, they open the 
door and find the sorcerer lying in blood, 


ders both 
ind his fı 


more. 
Prelati: "Your motive was 
rom the Devil's point of view, you 
asked for the use of his power yet gave 
back nothing in return.” 


m ready for any crime. 

ic a glimpse of Gilles and Joan 
g in the tower. The sound of 
bells is intense.) 


Gilles expels his breath. “No.” he says, 
“not yet. Let us, for now, relight the 


furnaces.” 


. 
We are treated to a montage of flames 
and invocations. Lead is being poured 
and we see a cross being waved upside 
down. 
Prelati and Gilles are making adjura- 
tions. There is no result 
Prelati: "I must try it alon 


Gilles: “No, it is better if we fail to- 
gether.” 
Prelati: “We have failed already. Noth- 


ing is worse than to stop at this place. 
‘That molten lead is now ready to be- 
come a pestilence in our organs. We will 
die of bloated bellie: 

Gilles nods and steps back. At a sign 


from Prelati, he leaves the room. 
Now he waits, Suddenly, he hı 
Prelati screaming, The priest eme 


rms. We sce 
nd 


gers into his 
ti to his room 


bleeding, si 
the marsh 
hold his h 
bells sound in the tower. The oppres- 
sive second sound of the bells. 

illes de Rai: 


"the time 


s liv- 


The concierge is dusting Du 
А he says, 


ing room. “This came for you, 
handing over a letter. 

“I am a woman of lassitude"—:ie are 
treated to a wor 
reads the letter—“who has just finished 


reading your last book. Though it is al- 
ways folly to try to capture a desire, will 
you permit me to mect you some evening 


in a place which you shall designate? 
Afterward, we shall return, each of us, 
Understand, mon- 


imo our own lives 
sieur. I address you only because І con 
sider you a marvelous writer 
scribblers. Therefore, this evening 
will call on your concierge and ask him il 
there is a letter for Madame Maubel." 
“Hmmm!” says Durtal, folding up the 
letter. "She must be 45 years old at least." 
In spite of himself, he reopens the 
leucr. 
Still, 1 comm 
going to meet her. 
He dashes off a note, looks up. “I better 
add that I'm in poor health. It'll be an ex- 
сше if she seems too energetic" He 
Madame Maubel, a serious 


myself to nothing by 


Maybe she is good-looking. 
. 

Durtal is before his desk. Now a num- 
ber of letters are оп й. He sha 
head as he passes through thi 
accuse yourself, " he reads aloud, “ ‘of 
being unable to give me consolation. 
Let us rather permit our souls to speak 
to each other—low, very low—as I have 
spoken to you this night.” ” 

"Four pages of the same sid tune,” 
Durtal says to his cat. 

“Th no misspelling.” he says, 
studying her script, "and the handwriting. 


“That's my son, Donald, before he decided 
to become my daughter, Denise.” 


235 


PLAYBOY 


is nice." He snills the envelope. "Dis- 
creet scent of heliowope, palegreen ink. 
She must be a blonde. Yet I keep seeing 
her as a brunette.” We are offered a flash 
of his sexual inventories. A blonde and 
a brunette in Parisian costumes, half un- 
dressed, no, three quarters undressed — 
5 corsets, gar- 


him. They 
erialized. 


re attractive but not wholly 
Now they give way to two 
one small and thin, the oth- 
‚ both in similar undr 


letter, but they а ng letters. 


"Last night.” says a woman's voice, 
“your name was burning me. Unbear- 


able shivers сате to my flesh as 1 spoke 
of you to a common friend of yours and 
mine. But then. why should I not now 
tell you that you know me? 

Durtal is seeing wome 
states of nudity. “1 wrot 
to the empty room, as if the sound of his 
voice will fortify his sense of irony, 
wrote a burning reply. 1, who gave up all 
carnal relat 1. tranquil 
litle man, dried up. sale from adven- 
tures, forgetful of sex for months at a 
time—why do 1 find myself aroused by 
the mystery of these letters 

Another unseen woman's voice: 

"Now you speak of your desire with a 
crudity of phrase which makes my body 
gle. This morning, my husband wi 
to make love. ] began to 


in partial 
he declares 


ago. 


‘What would you think; I asked him. 
‘of my dream? A woman without a head 
came to me and said, "I am your chamber 
succubus.” * "My dear, you are ill,’ he said. 
"Worse th: 1 1. Yes, your 
lener has 


No 


laughing 
womai ied to a man who knows 
me. But whom? Des Hermies is the only 
man I would call a friend.” Durtal puts 
down her letter. Now he is seeing more 
blondes than bru d they 
duced to thei 
says Durtal, “ 
nflamed at the same time. I's these ec- 
clesiastical amd demonic studies" He 
t see her. И she's good- 
looking TI sleep with her. That will 
bring peace.” ‘The pen shakes in his fin- 
gers as he tries to write. “Think of the 
harm we do owselves teasing at a 
tance. Think of the remedy, my poor 
darling, that we have at hand. 
° 

g to sleep. Tt is impos- 
i with angelic 
He hears the cries of 
in the dark, Dur- 
into a devil 
t sounds. 


Durtal is гуй 
sible. His he 
and demonic bell 
псеѕсо Prel 


ad 


He see 
of Paris in the 
on the dress of the carly 15th Century. 
He can almost see her face, but the 
image withdraws and he sits up. By the 


wd putting 


“And, just as you might expect, 
Harry has swine flu.” 


dock, it y 
Des Hermies must still be awake. He 
is always compl. 


Des Hermie 
for friends a 
Гуе been attending to Chantelouve, who 
1 an attack of gout. His wile. by 
the way, whom I would not have tz 


for an admirer of your books, speaks un 
singly of yo 


о 
she certainly c 
enthusiasm." 

“I think Pd better be goi 
You just got here. Are you certa 
you're feeling well 

"Perfect." 


For a reserved. wom 
t hold back on t 


E 

We see Durtal walking along the 
streets of Paris at night. He is accomp: 
піса on either side by Madame Chante 
louve fully dressed. To his right, she is a 
society reserved and adept. a 
hostess smiling without a 

On his other arm, he 
ntelouve as а creature. 
ic and, by his lights. n 


wor 


t be Madame Chantelouve,” he 
says aloud to the empty streets. "Her h 
band has written a history of Pope Boni 
face VIII, а life of the blessed founder 
of the Annunciate, J 
and a biography of Venci 
Anne de X; 

Church bells ring out suddenly. dis- 
cordantly, and he comes close to racing 
down the dark, cold Ра 


ext afternoon, Durtal i 
write but puts down his per 
has the fantasy of the blonde woman who 


is changing her costume from Paris in 
the 1890s to the Bri пу of the 1430s. 


We see Madame Chantelouve in 
tered stuffs with tight sleeves, a gre: 
thrown back over the shoulders, a 

in lined with fur. She thrusts her 
nder a two-horned. steeple head- 
dress. From behind the lace, she smiles. 
We realize that the 
Chantelouve is equal to the face of Cath- 


erine of Thouars, the wife of Gilles de 
Rais. 
Once Durtal picks up his pen, 


but the doorbell rings. He gets up, opens 
the door and fallsa step backward. 

Madame Ch: before him. 

Stupefied, he bows. Madame Cha 
louve, without a word, goes straight 
the study. Durtal follows. 
se sit dow 
She makes a va 
gesture js standing. 
wearing a tight black dress, long fawn- 
colored suede gloves, a fur cloak and no 
jewelry except sparkling blue-sappl 
drops. 

In a calm but low voice she says, “I 
is I who wrote you those mad letters. 
Since I have come to agree that nothing 


ielouve i: 


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PLAYBOY 


240 


is possible between us, let us also agree 
to forget what has happened.” 
love you,” he Ыш 
nishment. 
Love me! You didn't even know who 
ers were fom, 
knew well it me 
melouve hiding behind the pseudo- 
nym of Madame Maubel. 
She sits down and bursts out lii 
Furious at seeing this woman behave 
differently from her letters, he asks i 
bly. “Am 1 to know why you laugh: 
"sa nick my nerves play 
mind. Let us talk thi 
louve is а very пісе man who loves 
His only crime is that he offers a some 
what insipid happiness. So 1 started this 
correspondence with you. But you have 


out to his 


very 


s 10 write. You don't need 
1 came to tell vou we 
must r ids aud go no further.” 
"You wrote those letters. New you 
speak of reason.” 
es her hands. She makes no 


sses her hands more tightly. She 
m with her smoky eyes. her 


sks, getting 
he wall of a 


re: 


up mine a piciure on 
monk on his knees. 
п know 
find ош for you. I 
I the saints at home 


have the 


lives of 


"I don't care who he is!” 
She comes closer. 


ning about this meet 
ye it is all over.” 

ше. “I I did not care about 
vou, would I come to explain? No! Let 
Her voice becomes a hint hard- 
cr. "Do not squeeze me like that! 1 swear 
1 will 
пе 


me go. 


» away and you will never see 
їп il you do not ler me loose. 
He leis go. “Sit there behind the table. 
she says. "Do that for me.” She adds, in а 
me of melan IL is impossible to be 
iends with a man. It would be nice to 


come and see you without evil thoughts to 
Tear.” She is silent. "Ves, just to see each 
other 


Then she says. 71 must go home 
“You leave me with no hope 
claims. kissing her gloved hands. 


he ex- 


She does not answer. As he looks 
pleadingly at her. she says, “Listen, If 
you will promise to make no demands 
on me and be good. 1 will come here 
night after next at clock. 

He promises. As he raises his head 
from her hands, she offers her neck to 
his lips. Then shi 

. 

Fhe Carl riment: 

We se climbing the м 
He is a litle man. Has a head like an 


egg. The skull seems 10 have grown up 
out of the hair. His nose is bony and his 
strils open over a toothless mouth hid 
. Solemn 
Looks 


e 


wl obsequ 


like he belongs in a sacristy, 
Gévingey. as soon as he has seated 
тюс. purs his hands on bis knees. 
топтон. freckled with blotches of 


age. the fingers are covered w 


Seeing Durtal's рд 
smiles. "My. valuables. 
three metals. gold. platinum 
This ring bears a scorpion: that with its 
two triangles reproduces the image of the 
a A story for each of my rings" 

“ANY says Durtal, somewhat surprised 
atthe 


e on his finger 


osu 


"s selbsatisfaction. 


Dinner is ready." says the bell ring 
ers wile. 

Gévingey (at table): “Mysticism. as- 
tology and alchemy were the great sci 


ences of the Middle Ages." 

Des Hermies: “Ht is too bad that the 
astrologers. occultists and cabalists of the 
present day know absolutely nothing." 

Gévingey (nodding wisely): “Ignorant 
imbeciles. Nonetheless, the old theories. 
can be upheld, Space is peopled by mi 
cobes. Why can't it also be с 1 
with spiris?” He puis his hands on his 
plump stomach 
Madame C; 
и suddenl 


laix: “М 
look 


avbe that is why 
something we can't 


Carhais: “ГИ be back. 
ring the bells. 


The bell ringer's wife bids them good 


Gets up to 


night. Des Hermies gets the kettle and 
the colleepot. 
“Any help?" Du 
“Get the little glasses 
liqueur bottles. if vou will: 
As he opens the cupboard, Dural 
sways from the strokes of the bells that 


til proposes. 
nd mank the 


shake the walls. 
Carhais спину blowing ош his 
n. 
“L hear, monsieur, that you are occu 
pied with a history of Gilles de Rais. 


says Gévingey to Durtal. 
Jp to my eves in Sata 
man.” 

Des Hermies: "We are going to ap- 
peal to your knowledge. You cam en- 
lighten my fiend on one of the obscure 
quest 

Which?” 

"Incubacy it 

Gevingey тері c 
know. does not like this subject.” 
I beg your pardon.” хауз Carhaix 
"The Church has never hesitated to de 
clare itself on this detestable matier. The 
existence of succubi and incubi is certi 
fied by Saint Augustine, Saint. Thomas, 
1 Bonaventu d many others! The 
question is settled lor every Catholic." 

“Yes. Gevingey, “ihe Church 
recognizes succubacy. But let me speak.” 
I want to ask you.” says Des Hermies, 
“does а woman receive the visit of the 
ncubus while she is asleep or while she 
is awake?” 

A distinction has to be made, If the 
woman consorts willingly with the im- 
pure spirit. then she is certainly awake 
when the carmal au takes place. Of 
couse, here the details are а litte dirty." 
says Gévingev. He blushes. “The organ 
of the incubus. you see, has Iwo 

ches." He extends his pinkie and 
lorefinger like homs. “So the incubus is 
able ıo penetrate both vasa of the lady 
the succubus is а woma 
Hermies, "and so has 
es she have four vasa? 
wey jı rebuke, “The subject 
c. Messieurs, E slept once in the 
room of the only modern master 5 
can claim." 


nism with that 


ch, vou 


says 


to you the succubus came to me.” 
What was she like?” Durtal asks. 
Why, like any naked woman; 


the 


astrologer says hesitantly. 
I hear Canon Docre celebr a 
Des Hermies rks. 
bominable me nd. women. 
Some people aos themselves when 


Docre's name is said in their presence 
"But how did a priest fall so low 

ks Durtal. 

"E cant say. H you wish 

pout him." 


nore informa. 


ion s Самі : 
might question vonr friend Chit 
^"Chantelouve!" cries Durt: 


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"I'm just not sure the general public is ready јот this, Foster. 


242 


monster." 


s apartment. He is cleaning 
preparation for Madame Chantelouvi 
second visit. 

He consults his watch. "I am waiting 
for a woman,” he says aloud. ^T, who for 
scorned the doings of lovers. Now I 
у watch every five minutes.” 

There is a gentle ring. "Not nine 
o'clock yet. It isn’t she" he murmurs, 
opening the door. 

He squeezes her һа 
1. 


nds and thanks her 


well. “I came 


His heart sinks. 
“I have a fearful headache,” she says, 
g her gloved hands over her fore- 


He takes her furs and motions her to 
md down on the stool, 
she refuses the armchair and takes а 
seat beside the table. Rising, he bends 
over her and catches hold of her fingers. 
‘our hand is burning,” she says. 
Yes, because I get so little sleep. If 
you knew how much I have thought 
about you! 

He sits down iı 
touches hers. 

“Listen!” Her voice becomes grave and 
firm, "I do not wish to spoil the happi- 
ness our relation gives me. I do not know 
if I can explain, but try to comprehend: 
I am able to possess you in my mind 
when and how I please"—she snaps her 
fingers—"just as, for a long time, I 
have possessed Lord Byron, Baudelaire, 
Gérard de Nerval, all those writers I 
love 
You mean . , . 2" 

“I have only to desire them, or desire 
you, before 1 go to sleep. . . ." 


front of her. His knee 


man, you in your own flesh 
would have to be inferior to the fabulous 
writer Durtal who comes to me in my 
bed. "That imaginary man offers caresses 
that make my night delirious 

He looks at her and pictures Gévingey 
lying nude on a bed and Madame Chan- 
tclouve approaching С. 
bus. “We shall untangle a 
Durtal says. "Meanwhile——-" He takes 
her gently by the arms, draws her to him 
1 abruptly kisses her mouth. 

She rebounds as if she had an elec 
tric shock. With a strange cry, she throws 
back her head. 

He pushes her away. She stands there, 
pale, her eyes closed. Durtal comes up to 
her and catches her again, but she 
out, "No! I beseech you, let me go. 

He holds her. 

“L implore you, let me go.” 


Her 
obeys. 
She 
very pale, ag. 
;00d God." he says, marching up and 
down, knocking into the furniture, “what 
are you made of: 
"Monsieur, I, too, suffer. Spare me. I 
have to think of my husband and my 
confessor." She is silent long enough to 
n composure. Then. in a changed 
voice, she says, “Tell me, will you come 
to my house tomorrow night? Tell me 
you will come.” 


“Yes,” he says at last. "I don't know 
why, but yes. 
She readjusts herself and. without say- 


g a word, quits the roo 
А 

During а storm. we sce Gilles de Rais 
on опе of the battlements of Tiffauges. 
The parapet is narrow, not six inches in 
width. A fall would be fatal. Gilles is 
forcing himself to advance, As he does, 
he calls to à voice he hears on the wind. 
“I will walk around the walls of Tif- 
faug he cries out. “If I fall, T am 
yours." Then he turns to Prelati, who is 
standing below in the courtyard. “There 
is no answer," says Gilles de Rais. He 
moves and almost slips. The rain is icy. 
The parapet is slippery. 

Come down 
ays... D hear him," 
е down. 


ys he has no interest in my fall." 
Gilles de Rais comes off the parapet. In 
the rain, he says to Prelat, “Fhe Demon 


docs not want my death. He wishes me 
to perform the deed 
“Do what he wants. 
They have descended to the stone 
chamber where the marshal sleeps. 
Gilles de Rais: “Prelati, I do not fear 
this Demon, because hell is where I live 
now. My blood is oppressed. I could meet 
a wild boar in a forest and it would flee 
my teeth. Wolves draw back when I go 
by. I cannot speak of the thoughts I have 
when young boys pass before my ey 
“We have had our pleasure with young 
boys." says Prelati. 


"The Demon tells me not to stop at 


their skins." He lifts his head. “Smell the 
wind. It stinks worse than апу battle- 
field." He makes a violent move. "To- 
morrow, I will disembowel a small boy 
“Whe 
"I have not seen him yet. You, Prelati, 
will find him for me. I am going to sep- 
arate his hands from his arms and his 
m his head. 


nself. Gilles de R; 
picks up Prelati’s cross and makes the 
me sign upside down. 

"We will use the blood of this child," 
says Gilles de Rais, “to compose the ink 
of our formulas. Spirits will flower in 
that blood. 


° 
A scene in the same room where Pre- 
lati was attacked by the Devil. We see 


him enter with a few small objects on а 
. They are wrapped in bloody line 
He and Gilles de Rais kneel. With pas- 
sion, they offer these sacrifices to the 
Demon, Their words are so thick we cin 
hardly hear them, They both speak at 
on 


‘To Asmodeus and Sammael. 
“By the law of pointed stakes, . . ."* 
“By fire and grease. . .." 

In the way of the great work. . . . 
Through salis and retort. . . ." 
“In the grand magisterium of the fer- 
ment. 
“Ву Xoxe, Xocheon and Xolostosos." 
“In blood, in gold." 
“Faeces urinam nascimur." 
"By the sna testin 
When they e, we see Prelati 
gather up the bloodstained objects. 
Recognize.” Prelati says to Gilles de 
"that the Devil did not attack me,” 
. 


partment, 


itelouve's Durtal is 


waiting in the same room where we first 
saw him at th Y 
Monsi adame Chantelouve 


enter. The lines of her figure are advan- 
tageously displayed by a wrapper of 
white swanskin. She sits down facing 
d he perceives under the wrap 
her indigo silk stockings in litle pat- 
entleather boots with straps across the 
insteps. They are like the picture he has 
had of her in fan. 

Chantelouve is in a dressing gown. 
"You catch me in the middle of my 
literary drudgerics," he tells Durtal. “I've 
taken on the worst kind ol job. A quick 

ies of unsigned volumes—unsigned, 
thank God!—on the lives of the sa 

"Yes," says his wife, 
neglected saints. 

Chantelouve, also 
publisher has a nose for the unkempt 
tyr: Saint Opportuna w used 
water because she washed her bed with 
her tears; Saint Radegunde who never 
changed her hair shirt. I am asked to di 
ША 


aw 


beloved Middle Ages." 
‚ my dear," says her hus- 
not ший the Renaissance 
Mincss becomes common in 


heaven's sake," says madame, 
one or two details. My dear, 
she says. sing her husband, "you 
have forgouen to turn up your lamp- 
wick. 1 can smell it smoking from here. 

Chantelouve rises, gathers up the skirts 
of his dressing gown and, with a vaguely 

licious smile, excuses himself, 

She assures herself the door is closed. 
then returns to Dural. who is leaning 
el. Without а word, she 
d between her hands, presses 


243 


PLAYBOY 


244 


her lips to his п nd opens it with 
her tongue. 

He pn 
agitatio 

She passes her hands over her fore- 
head. "You won't believe it, but I have 
to sulfer when I think how hard he is 
working. If he had a few women, it 
would not be so bad.” 
Durtal rises to take le; 
“When shall I see you 
ly apartment tomo 

She responds by a long kiss. 

. 

Durtal’s apartment 

Madame Chantelouve is buried under 
the thick coverlet, her lips parted and her 
ed. bur she is studying Durtal 
nge of her blonde су 
He sits down on tlie edge of the 
bed. She draws the cover over her chin 

"Cold, dear? 

“No.” She opens wide her eyes. They 
Hash sparks. 

He undresses. Her face is hidden in the 
darkness but is sometimes revealed by a 
flare of the fire, as a smoldering log sud- 
denly bursts into flame. Swiltly. he slips 
between the covers. Silently, she kisses his 
features, They thrash about. He cannot 
speak for the shower of kisses traveling 
his face. It is too much. He pulls 


» sudden appetite and 


s 


e. 
" she murmurs. 
ow пў 


away 
“I detest you!” she exclaims, 
Vhyz" 


Once more. he is enlaced: the woman 
grips him again, This time. he responds. 
He tries to crush her with caresses, In 
guttural voice, she cies out, “I love 
1 love it, oh. piss. shit. | want to cat you 
The bodies writhe under the covers. the 
bed creaks and he finally jumps over her, 
out of bed. and lights the candles. On the 
dresser. the cat sits motionless. He cha 
the anim: 

He puts some more wood on the 
and dresses, She calls him gently. He 
proaches the bed. She tows her arms 
around his neck and kisses him hungril 
Then she says, “The deed is done, Will 
you love me any Бец 

He does not have the heart to ansy 

. 

“A woman of my age doing а 

thing like that!" she says as she emer 


away. 


d 
ез 


from the bedroom fully dressed. "You 
will sleep tonight,” she adds sadly. 
He begs her to sit down and warm 


herself, but she says she is not cold. 
he says, "your body was cold 


“I am always that way, Winter and 
summer, my flesh is chilly, Even in 
August. 


d Des Hermies arc 
otre Dame 


Durt 
by the Seine. 
ground. 

"Tel me,” Durtal asks Des Herm 
“do you know whether 
а cold body as a result of m 
to an incubus?’ 

"Gévingey told me that women who 
were attached to an incubus had icy flesh 
even in the month of August. АП the 
books of the specialisis bear witness to 
that, But now, such ladies show the op- 
posite: a skin that is burning and dry 
to the touch 

“Odd,” says Dur 


ling 
in the back- 


s 
n can get 
g love 


Durtal and Madame Chantelouve are 
in bed. He is looking somewhat relieved 
the act is done. She puts her arm around 
his neck and kisses him forcibly—her 
tongue is nor inactive. He remains apa- 
thetic. She slips under the sheets, works 
around. reaches him and he groans. 

"Ah." she exclaims, coming up from 


the covers, "at last P have heard you 
make a sound.” 
A little later. They are getting dressed. 


"Does your husband suspect us?” he 
asks 

“He may, but 1 do not accept his right 
of control over me. He is free, and I am 
free, t0 go where we please. | keep house 
for him and watch out for his interests. I 
love him like a devoted companion. My 


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245 


PLAYBOY 


246 


“I thought you had booked the inn!" 


acts, however, are none of his business." 
She has spoken in a crisp. incisive tone. 
You certainly reduce the i 

of the role of hush 


“My ideas do not belong to this period 
ge, they cre- 


we In my first ma 
ated а disaster. You sec, I despise dece 
After I was married а few years, I fell 
love with a most unusual man, And I 
proceeded to tell my first hus bout 
that lover.” 

"How did he take such information?" 

“He could not bear it. He called it 
treason. In one night, his hair turned 
white. A week later, he Killed himself.” 
She has spoken with a nondramatic and 
resolute air. 

“АМ!” says Durtal. 
strangled you first?” 

She shrugs and р 


d 


Suppose he had 


cat hair off her 


ski 


‘The result,” he resumes after a si- 
lence, “being that you then looked for а 
new husband who would tolerate—" 
“Let us not discuss my second husband. 
1 receive enough trouble on this subject 
from my confessor.” 
"Is your confessor hard on you?” 
“He is of the old school. Incorruptible. 
1 chose him for that. 

Mf 1 were like you, I think I would 
look for а contessor who was indulgent.” 
ething in her expression excites his 
tuition. “Of course, there's always the 
danger of seducing a priest who likes you 
too much." 


"That would be sacrilege,” she says 
quickly. But it is obvious he has guessed 
something of her past. "Oh." she sa 


half pleased with the confession, 
mad, mad— 

He observes her; spa 
her eyes. 

"When you are at home in bed, do you 


rks glint again 


still summon me to make love to you 

“1 do not understand,” she says 

"Didn't you used to have a visit from 
an incubus who resembled me? 

“No need now!” 

“But you still receive Canon Docre? 
As an incubus?" His voice is not without 
anger. He is jealous at the thought. 
at are you saying?" 

"You know him." 
yes, 1 do.” 

"How much truth 
about him?” 
don't know. Doce was once а con- 
fessor to royalty. He would certainly have 
bishop if he had not quit the 


is there to st 


ies 


You knew him personally?" 
“I had him for a confessor.” 
“Is he young or old, 

ugly? Tell me.” 

He is forty years old. He is very 

ous of his person. 


idsome or 


as- 


id 


“Do you believe he celebrates the 
Black M 

"Possibly, 

"Suppose I were to ask if your knowl- 
edge of incubacy . .. 7 

“I received it from him. Now I hope 


you are satisfied. 

"I don't know. I think I'm in pain. 
But 1 must say I'm curious. Do you know 
how I can see Canon Docre in person?” 

He's not in Par 

“Pardon me. He is i 

"It would not be good for you to sce 
him." 

"You admit he is dangerous?" 

“I admit nothing. 1 deny nothing. 1 
tell you simpl 
him.” 

“I need new mater 


Look.’ 


Paris.” 


et it from somebody else." Shaking 
her finger at him, she leaves with the 


rema Dont think too much about 
Canon Росте” 

“Devil take you," he says after he doses 
the door. 

. 

Durtal is writing at his desk. 

"From 1432 to 1440, the children of 
Brittany begin to disappear. Shepherds 
are abducted from the fields. Little boys 


who go to play in the woods fail to re- 
turn. Whenever the marshal quits one 
castle for another, he leaves behind a 
devastation of tears. From Tiffauges to 
the chateau de Champtoce, and from La 
Suze to Nantes, children are missi 
tire regions are devastated, The hamlet 
no more young men. 

Suze is without male posterity. At 
mptoce, the whole foundation room 
ofa tower is filled with corpses. 
Durtal throws down his pen. 


of Tiffauges has 


la 


ure in butchery. Once I 
slashed a boy's chest and drank the breath 
from his lungs. I would open another's 
stomach and smell it. | took carnal 
knowledge of the open guts of a third. 
I knew odors and felt sensations no 
other man come near. I was rich in 
itality. I lived in a country of my own 
habitation.” 

As he speaks, the camera passes over a 
great fire on a hearth where indistinct 
objects, the size of bodies, are burning. 
Scraps of charred clothing are visible 

We have a clear view of one of Gilles's 
henchmen scattering ashes to the wind 
from the top of a tower at Tilkiuges on a 
dark dawn. 

We sec Gilles snoring in coma. Then 
we hear his voice, as if out of his sleep, 
“There is no man on earth who dare do 
as I have done. 

The bell sounds in the tower. 

“Who is ringing at this hou 
cries out. 

No answer. 

We see him rushing along the solitary 
corridors of the chateau. He is in the 
tower, looking at the bell. The last echoes 
of its reverberation sound in his ear. He 
has a partial image of Joan and himself 
swinging on the bell and howls like a 
wounded beast. “I swear to do penane 
he cries out. 

We see his face again, only his face. 

“L had hoped to do penance.” he de- 
clares. "Yet, on the next night, I gouged 


" Gilles 


out the eyes of a child. I crushed its skull 
with a club. 
He grinds his teeth. He laughs. 


He is running through the woods. 
His henchmen are cleaning stains on 


the floor of the castle and burying the 
ments. 
More ashes are scattered from the 
tower. 


We sce Gilles wandering in the forest 


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247 


PLAYBOY 


248 


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g Tiffauges. He sees obscenity 
rees. Between two 
limbs, statio 
ary fornicatior 1 repeat- 
ed all the way up to the top of the tree. 
He sees the trunk as a phallus that disap- 
pears into a skirt of leaves. 

More frightful images rise. The puck- 
cred orifice in the bark of an old oak 
simulates the protruding anus of a beast 
In the trunks are incisions that spread 
out into great lips of vulvas beneath tufts 
of brown, velvety moss. 

The clouds overhead swell into breast: 
divide into buttocks, bulge with fecundi 
ty. Now they mingle with the somber 
foliage of piant hip: 
nouths of Sodo ng scars, humid 
wounds. He sees frightful cancers on the 
uunks and horrible wens. He observes 
ulcers, sores, chancres. 

There, at a detour of the forest aisle, 
nds a mottled red beech. Tenscly, 
Gilles listens to the wind. Under the 
falling leaves, he feels spaucred by a 
shower of blood, He runs until he reaches 
the chateau. He returns to his room ex- 
hausted and crawls to the crucifix like a 
wolf on all fours. He strains his lips to 
the feet of the Christ. It is the Griine- 
wald Christ. 

He adjures him to have pity, suppli- 
cates him to spare a sinner. Then he 
whimpers. In his own voice, he is hea 
ing the lamentations of children, 

е 

А bell is ringing. We hear the voice 
of the bell at last. It says, “I call to the 
living. I mourn the dead. I break the 
thunder. 


ing on a P 

'ou're wrong, s. “I am being 

consistent. I really don't want you to 

inted with Canon Docre. 

But I understand. your desire for new 

aterial. So | have arranged to let you 
see à ceremony." 


“Yes. I'm disobeying my confesse 
ler to take you.” She shivers visibly. 
we nor apl the spec- 


re you still i 
А pause. “Ad 
im." 

we were mad 
because of him 


n love with h 
But once 
ch other. It w 
my first husband ce 
It is really ove 
“I swear it." 


. 
Durtal's apartment, Mad 
louve enters 
Madame Ch 


First you 
loud: 


nust 


поп distrusts me. 
Jf course. You write books." 
What if I refuse to sis 
“Then you will not go to the Black 
Mas: 
He scratches his signature on the letter. 


. 
In a fiacre, they go up the Rue de 
ugirard. 

The carriage turus up a dark streei 
swings around and stops. 


Durtal and. Madame Ch 
themselves confronted hy 
nto a thick unlighted wall. 

She rings. A prating opens. She raises 
her veil. A shaft of lantern light strikes 


elouve find 
little door cut 


her full in the face, the door opens and 
they penetrate into a garden. 
A woman with a lantern scrutinizes 


Durtal. He sees, beneath а hood, wisps of 
gray hair over a wrinkled face, but she 
does not give him time t0 examine her- 
He follows Madame Chantelouve down 
a dark lane between rows of palms to the 
entrance of a building, 
“Be careful.” she says, going through a 


vestibule. “There are three steps.” 
They come out into a court and stop 


n 


A 
greets her in an affected voice. Duri 
has a glimpse of cheeks plastered wiu 
cosmetics. 
“You did 


ic 1 was going to be 
he whispers to Mad- 


ng. The windows are hidden`by large 
drapes. The walls are cracked and dingy, 
Gusts of moldy air pour out of the 
heat registers to mingle with an irritat. 
burnt herbs and th 


new stove. Durtal is choking. 

He attempts to accustom his eyes to 
the halfdarkness. The chapel is vaguely 
lighted by sanctuary lamps suspended 
from chandeliers of gilded bronze with 
pink glass pendants. Madame Chante 
louve makes a sign to sit down. Durtal 
notices there are many women and few 
men present, but his efforts to sce any- 
one’s features are somewhat frustrated by 
the dim light. Not a laugh, not а raised 
voice is heard. only an irresolute, furtive 
whispering, unaccompanied by gesture. 

А choirboy. dressed in red, advances 
to the end of the chapel and lights 
stand of candles, Then the altar becomes 
visible. ry church altar on 
а tabe stands а statue in 
ody of Christ. The head has been 
i nd the neck lengthened. Wrin 
меа in the cheeks, transform the 
ig face to a comic and bestial one 
twisted into a mean laugh. The figure is 
naked. Where the loincloth should have 
been, a virile phallus projects from a 
bush of horsehair. In front of the taber- 
nacle, the chalice is covered with a pall. 
The choirboy, reaching up to light the 
black tapers, wiggles his hips, stands tip- 
toe on one foot and flips his arms, 
ay like a cherub. 
recognizes him as the m 
lipstick who guarded the chap 


acridity of a 


ised 


cl entrance. 

Another choirboy now exhibits h 
self, Hollow-chested, racked by coughs. 
made up with white grease paint and 
vivid carmine, he approaches the tripods 
flanking the altar, stirs the smoldering 
cense pots and throws in leaves and 
chunks of resin. 

Now M: 


m- 


dame Chantelouve conducts 


"Mr. Mundt hasa conspiracy theory about Chrisimas." 


249 


PLAYBOY 


250 


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Биги] to a seat far the rear, behind 

all the rows of chai 
“What's the matter with you 

looking at him closely. 

The odor from the incense burners 

is unbearable. What are they burning: 
“Asphalt and henba 

. Perfumes del 


she asks, 


She 


murs suddenly. The women 


them kneel. 


on enters wearing a scarlet bonnet 
h two horns of red cloth. Durtal ex- 
mines him as he marches toward the 
. Canon Doae is tall but not well 

on 


ge chest is out of propor 
ш the rest of his body. His forehead 
makes one line with his straight nose. His 
lips and. cheeks bristle with beard. The 
eyes are close together and. phosphores 
cent. An evil Lice, and energetic 
kneels before the 
is the steps and beg 
sty Mass. Durtal now sees that he has 
nothing on beneath his sacrificial habit. 
One can see his black socks and the flesh 
of his thighs bulging over his garters, 
which have been attached high on his 
legs. His chasuble has the shape of an or- 
dinary chasuble but is the dark-red color 
of dried blood. In the middle is a ut 
agle surrounding Ше figure of а black 
billy goat showing its horns. 


Doce makes the genuflec 
fied by ritual. The kneeli 
sing the Latin responses; their voices 


will on the final syllables of tlie words. 

“It's a simple Low Mass, 
to Mada 

She shakes her head. At that moment, 
the choirboys pass behind the altar and 
bring back copper chafing dishes and 
censers, which they distribute to the con 
gregation. The women envelop them 
‘Ives in smoke. Some hold their heads 
right over the chafing dishes and then 
dose to. fainting, they unlace their bod 
ices and mike raucous sighs. As Canon 
Docre proceeds through the following 
invocation, so do they open their cloth 
ing and ex pose themselves. 

“Master of Slanders.” says Docre, de 
scending the steps backward and kneel 
ing on the last one, “Dispenser of the 
benefits of crime, Administrator of sump 
mous sins and great vices, we bow to 
thee, Satan, thee we adore, for you are 
our reasonable God, our just God! 

"You save the honor of families by 
aborting wombs impregnated in the for- 
getfulness of illicit fornication: you are 
the mainstay of the Poor and the Van- 
quished, for you endow them with hypoc- 
(у, thar they may defend themselves 
pains the Rich, who are the only chil- 
dren to whom God speaks. 

“Treasurer of you 
alone fertilize the mind of a man whom 
injustice has crushed: you breathe 
idea of vengeance, incite him to murd 


ic Chantelouve 


you furnish the abundant joy of repri 

As he speaks. the choirboys tinkle 
prayer bells. The women fall to the car- 
pet and writhe. 

One of them seems to be worked | 
ug. She throws herself prone and 
s her legs in the air. Another stands 
with her mouth open, the tongue turned 
back, the tip cl to the palate. An- 
other, pupils dilated, lolls her he 
over her shoulders, then tears her br 
with her nails, Another undoes hi 
and draws forth a rag. Her tongue 
she cannot control, sticks out, 1 
the edges, harrowed by red teeth, 
bloody mouth. As these acts cout 
does Docre's voice. Standing erect, with 


sp 


arms outstretched, he speaks in a ring 
g voice of 
"Jesus. Chief ol Hoaxes, "Thief of 


Homage, Counterfeit of Affection. hear! 
Since the d. thou did issue [ic 
the bowels of a. Virgin, thou hast broken 
all thy promises. Centuries have wept, 
awaiting thee, mute God! Thou were to 
redeem man and thou hast not, thou were 
to appear in thy glory but slept. Thou 
dost say to the wretch who appeals to 
thee, “Be patient and hope: the angels 
will assist thee.’ Impostor! The angels 
abandon thee! 

“Thou hast forgotten the poverty thou 
didst preach. Thou hast seen the weak 
crushed beneath the press of profit: thou 
hast heard the death whine of the weak 
p 
thy commercial agents. thy Popes. to an- 
swer by excuses and promises. 

We wish to violate the quiet of thy 
body, cursed Nazarene, do-nothing King, 
coward Go 

"Amen!" will the soprano voices of 
choirhoys. 

A silence succeeds the li 
chapel is foggy with smoke. 

Contemplating the Christ surmoun 
bernacle, Canon Docre says loudly. 
“Piss. Shit, Fuck and Blood. Hoe est 
enim corpus meum.” He faces the congre 
md. dripping with  swea 
The two choirboys raise the chasuble to 
display his naked belly. Docre passes the 
host around. his amd then sails it 
tainted and soiled, into the congregation. 

Hysteria shakes the room. While the 
choirboys sprinkle holy water on the 

aked рой. women rush upon the Eu 
charist. They crawl in front of the altar, 
clawing the bread 

A crone tears her һай ound 
ıd around. and falls beside a young 
rl who is writhing in convulsions. Dur 
tal sees the red horns of Doce. The 
canon is seated now. He is in a spasm of 
activity as he chews up sacramental 
walers, takes hem out of his mouth 
wipes himsell and distributes them to the 
women. They suuggle over each other 
to get hold of the bread. 

The place is a pandemonium. One 
could be looking at a congress of pros 
titutes and maniacs. Now the ch 


y whe 


by famine and thou hast caused 


уге 


пу. The 


ng 


whirls 2 


boys 


offer their buttocks to two of the men 
A climbs up onto the 
e hold of the phallus of Christ. 


Durtal looks for Madame Chante 
louve. She is no longer at his side. He 
catches sight of her close to the canon 
and. stepping ove thing bodies, 
reaches her. She is in a trance. She is 
breathing the effluvia of the incense, the 
couples and the acts. 

Let's get out of thi 
tes a moment, then follows 
him. He elbows his ough the 
crowd, jostling women whose teeth look 
ж ready to bite ling animal's. 
He pushe: clouve to the 
entrance, crosses the court. traverses the 
vestibule, opens the door in the wall 
and finds himsell in the street. 

‘There he stops and looks at her. "Con- 
fess you would like to go back." 

"No, these scenes shatter m 
with an effort. “1 need a glass of water." 

She leans on him as they walk up the 
street lo а nearby wineshop. Two diy 
laborers are playing cards. They turn 
around and laugh at the sight of Durtal 
in his frock coat. The proprietor takes an 

sively shortstemmed p 
nd spits into the sawdust. He 
ns not at all surprised to see this 

bly gowned woman i 
Dur ing him, surprise 
look of complicity between the proprietor 
and Madame Chantelouve. 

The proprietor lights а candle. and 
mumbles imo Durtal’s ear, “Monsieur, 
you can't drink here with these people 
watching. ГИ m where 
you can be alon 
This,” says Dural to Madame Chan- 
iclouve as they climb an old wooden 
staircase, “îs а dor of fuss for a glass of 
wa T 


she says 


But she has already entered а room 
with paper pecling from walls, and a dirty 
bed. Her eyes are wild. She embraces 
Durta 


No!” he shouts, [ur 
fallen into this wap. “I've h: 
She docs not even T i 

“I want you," she 
skirts onto the floor. Lying on the bed, 
she rubs her spine over the с in 
of the sheets. A look of ecstisy he Паў not 
seen before is in her eyes. 

Durtal is shuddering in a bed strewn 
with fragments of dirty hosts. The bells 
are sounding in his brain. “I call to the 
living. 1 mourn the dead. I break. the 
thunder.” 


us at having 
»ugh. 


nd throws her 


An ecclesiastical courtroom, Missive 
and dark, it is upheld by heavy Re 
pillars, An array of bishops presides over 
а troop of deans, jurists, advocates, Cu 
rates and chancellors. Row on row of 
deris form the juridical ranks of the 
cou 


peaking im a loud 


voice. "| do not recognize the comp 
tence of this tribunal," we hear hi 
“L protest the nature of my arrest and 
the evidence collected agai 

“May the court rule,” say 
tor, “that the objection of the accused is 
null in Law and frivolous.” 
So does the court rule. Proceed to in- 
form the accused of those counts on 


which he will be tried." 
Now th 
the sepia 


prosecutor begins to invoke 
imes of heresy. blasphemy, 

ad magic “He has polluted 

ı little children, He has violated 

s of the Holy Church at St- 

nne de Mer Morte.” 

cries out. “The prosecutor is а 


The prosecutor extends his hand to- 
rd the crucifix. 71 swear," he declares, 
that my list is a wue list. Will the m 
shal take an oath that he tells the truth: 

Gilles shouts. "I make no vows before 
God. you filthy liar!" 

Alter a silence. the prosecutor demands 
that Gilles be struck with double excom- 
munication, first as an evoker of demons. 
a heretic, apostate and renegade; second 
as a sodomist and perpetrator of sacrilege. 
Gilles loses control of himself. He is in 
greater rage than any we have wit- 
nesed until now. "Vou call. yourselves 
judges amd me a sodomist. On your 
knees. dergy. Let my pollutions drip 
from your mouth. Recognize yourselves 
as clowns, you buggered asses.” He bel 
lows like an animal in pain. 

"Do you answer the question: 
the court. 

“I answer no questions, I declare my 
presence to be equal in magnitude to this 
Court." 

“You are prep: 
asks the court. 

“My refutation is my silence." 

“You are in contempt. This court pro- 
hounces upon you the sentence of ex- 
communication. The hearing will be 
continued tomorrow belore a civil court 
that will decide the penalties. 

“I am innocent in the cyes of Satan 
and God. "Through me, they find peace 
with each other.” 


asks 


red to refute noth 


. 
lles is in his cell. He is trying to 
evoke the image of Joan of Arc but c 
not succeed in making her wholly visible. 
Glimpses of he gs. glide 
by. The bells are muffled. Now his at 
tempt betrays him and the sound of the 
bells becomes the sound of his bellow in 
court. Gilles is swinging on the bell. bur 
a wild boar swings on the other side. 

"When do 


clusive as w 


"JI am excommunicated,” he 
“The Church must return to me." 
"But I am bur 
We sce Gilles's face: but 
voice that issues from his face. 
you not rescue me at Rouen 


shouts. 


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251 


cvery variety of good and poor dress are 
sitting on the stairs, standing in the cor- 
ridors, filling the neighbor 
blocking the streets and lanes. 
miles around, they have come 
Suddenly, the trumpets bla 
is lighted up. The bishops enter tie 
cout. Their golden miters f 
lightning. About their neck: 
collars wi 
processional, they ad 
selves in the front row. Their j 
mate the pale sun of a rainy day. They 
make the black vestments of the ci 
judges look wholly somber in contrast. 
Under the escort of men-avar 
enters. He has aged 20 years 
ht. He declares that he 
begin a full re of his crimes. 
In a slow, hoarse voice, he si 
committed countless abductions of 
children. 1 murdered hundreds. Before T 
killed them, [ violated them. I have 
heard every sound of pain. 1 am able to 
produce in my ваг the hoarse sound 
that is made by the rattle of a dying 
th He looks about him. "Docs the 
court shudder? Hear that 1 confess to 
having wallowed in the warmth of open 
intestines. I have also held in my hands 
the sweetsmelling hearts 1 had just 
ripped our from wounds that opened be- 
fore s like ripe frui." He holds 
up his ha 


PLAYBOY 


nds. 


псе. With the 
cyes of a somnambulist, he looks at his 

fingers. We see only а shi hand. He 

secs blood still dripping. “Once, I had 

congress in the belly of a wound,” he 

“you continue to says. “That provided me with more pleas- 
ге not а saint but a ure than nature ever offered through 
her orifice. 1 found no pain in such an 

в” Previously, taking the way of nature, 


Gasps rise from the aud 


"Well, then, what are y 
after the rape workshop?" 


began to burn?” she asks out of his mouth. “Perhaps,” he 
He stares into the walls of his cell. We burn because you 
see Joan on the stake. We see the pain demon. 
on her face. Now we see Gilles standing “I do not know what I a 
n the crowd that watches. He is 100 feet пуре the Devil stronger than — berween the thighs of a woman, it hurt 
away, staring at the burning stake. God." he says. like a knife in my loins" Now the 
Gilles (his own voice): “I could not She shrieks through his lip: is once again close to his face 
rescue you. If you lived, I would have He shrieks back in his own voice. and unlocated to anything else“! even 
had to follow you for the rest of my lif “I pray for you" Joan says. "In the opened the incision im one stomach so 
He cries out, "Bener to love а dead fames of my fire, I pray for you. Yet the wide that 1 could seat myself in it, As I 
woman than obey a live onc. I was born more I pray, the more you torture others.” squatted there, 1 had а vision of how in 
to follow no one.” My desire to become evil,” he s; years to come there will be doctors who 
Joan: "You did пог follow me. You with pride. "is larger than your power — look like nuns in white. They will make 
followed my voices. to remain good.” just such cuts and slashes. They will 
Gilles: “I wanted to hear my own voices. Now she appears before him. Suddenly, transport organs from one body to an 
‘They told me that I was born to be the he secs her speaking to him out of her other." (A quick view of an operating 
ster of di: - The planets were own face. "My strength was my faith in room where open-heart surgery takes 
holding their secrets for me. And the min- My Lady, but 1 continued to think of place. It is, even by his scale, a bloody 
s and the beasts. You were as blind аз you. shed my мге I sight) "But" says Gilles de Rais, "such 
the muscle of my arm, Do you compre- could not bear it when you did not save doctors would never dare to defecate in 
hend 1 needed a greater courage than те from the flames. The odor of my flesh ће wound they ar tlemen, I 
yours. was ugly as I burned." was happier in the f tortures, 
"Why? He moans. tears, fright and blood than in any other 
“Because D had to violate every holy She disappears. pleasure. There was nothing I did not 
covenant that resisted the advance of my He is left alone in his cell. As light do—1 had only to think of it! I was look- 
knowledge.” changes thr d into the — ing, you see, for the philosophers’ stone 
Joan: “1 am still burning.” night, he med The audience is as silent as a forest 
Several times he is about to sp In the dawn, he stands. "I will speak,” — after ап animal has just been killed 
several times he clamps shut his jaws. he says aloud, “out of all the атор; ‘Tempered in extremes of medieval 
nally, the words come out: of the Devil and in all the compas: confession, familiar with demonom: 
“Why, Joan, why do you continue to of the Lord. Those priests will hear a and the bi 
burn?” truth like none heard before. 
“I do not know. The trial recommences. Pe 


I 


hops. nonetheless, 
nything like this. As 
in Gilles de Rais speaks, each is constantly 


232 


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PLAYBOY 


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making the sign of the cross. Now the 


presiding bishop rises and veils the face 
ol Christ. 

“Some а Gilles gos on, “I 
would sit in reverie over which of the 


three 
mi; 


young he 
м be most |, 


rayed before me 
ful to kiss. 


о onc 


knows so well as 1 the peace that resides 
in the € ol dead lips." The marshal is 
bathed in sweat, He looks at the crucifix 
whose head is now covered. Only the 


crown of thorns thrusts 
h the v 


p а shape be- 
I knew the lon 
such a man,” he says, pointing to Christ 
Gilles de Rais finishes his narra 
with a look of surprise. “My God 
cries aloud, 71 have boasted t00 much.” 
He falls over abruptly like а tree, true 


ess of 


in its fall. On the floor, he begins to beat 
O my 


forehead. 
ol her 


the Hagstones. with 
God, I smell the 
flesh.” 

The bishop Jean de Malestroit le 
his scat and raises the accused, r 
to his knees. "He 
the bishop to the c 

Gilles de Rais is weeping. With his 
head down and his arms extended. he 
looks to the audie the rear of the 
court. “Will the parents who have 14 
their children be able to pray for me 
he asks. 

А sound of an 
men and women 
pity and outrage 
n. In the convulsions of these 
also be heard the murmur of 


odor bu 


es 
hi 
dt" says 


a 
nents his 
t 


uish comes up Irom the 


In the babble, the judge of the civil 
ings, Pierre de FHòpital. intones, 
“Dispose yourself to die in good siate 
with repentance for havi n- 
mitted such crimes.” 


Gilles de Rais is 
cell. He ring 
know." he says aloud, “a peace 1 have not 
known since D was hom. Maybe 
born 10 commit a thousand murders and 
find peace. 

^ Maybe I have accomplished something 
I cannot quite name 


lone in his 


iss the moon. “I now 


Т was 


ie ly. P have no dear That ds 
curious. 
. 

We are back on thc che ed. with 
the crumbs and fragments ed bread 
on the floor, on the bed linen and on 
Madame Ch: tlouve’s face. “Dress,” 


жуз Dun 

He picks up a piece of the host. “I am 
(d do nor think the 
resided in 


“Let's get out of here.” 


reve this" —suddenly 
e of where this has been, he tlips it 
y. as if holding a cockroach— 
МЫН... 7 He docs not finish 


‘They go out. Below. in the cheap bar. 


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255 


PLAYBOY 


“Great God, Clancy, it’s a flash flood!” 


pays and leaves wi 


change. 


ag for 


. 
weling in a cab. It comes 


They are t 
10 her door. 

"Soon?" she asks. 

"Ng? 
оп are not 
By your me 
ned little man. 

She leaves. 

He gives the сапа 

. 

Des Hermies and Durtal, at a café. 

Durtal: “Carhaix has been ill?" 

Des Hermies: "He almost died 
nights ago." 

Durtal: "I was at a Black Mass 
hts ago. 

Des Hermies (a p: “The older 1 
get, the more I conclude that medieval 
reason is not utterly without logi 

Durtal: “I would like to see Carha 
But I don't know if I have the ri 

Des Hermies: "See him. Your Black 
probably had more power at a 
it will in the same room.” 
“Maybe ГИ tell him about my 
siles de 's trial. The 
ising. you see. 

. 


big man. 
sure, I am now a deter- 


his address. 


two 


two 


m. Durtal speaks animatedly. 
interest the invalid. 
rom his dungeon, Gilles de R: 
ppeals to the bishop to intercede with 
the Gathers and mothers of the childr 
Gilles has killed. Will they consent to be 
present at his execution? 
"On the day, by nine in the mornin, 
people are marching through the city in 
256 processional. 


the 
pit 


“Many of 
weeping in 
ments dese 


parents are actually 
Contemporary. docu- 
ments as fol- 


be their sei 
lows: They see à demonic nobleman who 


now knows the emotions of a poor m 
He is about to confront divine wrath. 

a fearsome journey must 
So they take vows to fast three d 
for the repose of the marshal's soul. Isn't 
that incredible? 1 know no story that so 


captures the spirit of the Middle 
says Durtal. “Is it not touching?” 
Unwilling to be overcome by such sen- 


ent, Des Hernies remarks, “It’s a long 
w of those crazy 


“At eleven that morning,” Durtal goes 
on, “they wait at the prison for Gilles de 
at the prison gate. he prays 
to the Virgin. One document describes 
his conversation with Prelati. * "Farewell, 
Francesco, my friend,” " he is reputed to 

shall never see each other 
world. But I pray God we meet 
dise.” ' In para- 


joy in pa 
nd you,” Du ys 

He goes to the stake. The clergy, the 
nts and the people join in the stro- 
phes of the chant for the dep: 

At last. we see the scene. The са 

passes over the market place, the gi 
square, the fiery stake and the thousands 
assembled on their knees in prayer. Hun- 
dreds are weepi ar the chant. 
We have a last look at the face of Gilles 
de Rais in the flames. 


Nos timemus diem judicii 
Quia mali et nobis conscii 
Sed tu, Mater summi concilii, 
Para nobis locum refugii 

O Maria” 


les. The flames fade. We 
As he burns, 


The chant fa 


Des Hermies: "Whatever they were, 
those peasants know enough to weep fo 
him. They n 
were not as stupid as people toda 
se the 


“Do you know," says Durtal, “when 1 
think of the decades to come, 1 feel 
terror.” 

“No.” 


Durtal walks up into the tower by him- 
sell. He has a note from Madame Ch 
telouve and he his 
he reads. 


"You might at least have per- 
mitted a comradeship that would 
have allowed me to leave my sex at 
home so I could spend an evening 
with you now and then.” 


wh and descends the 


He gives a low 1 
tower. 


. 
the street, he 
onder if 1 will ever compre- 


Walking along thinks 
aloud, “I w 
hend Gilles de Rais. That man 1 
conviction his doom, he 
only of paradise. He must be the 
monster who brought science to the 
modern world.” 

As Durtal continues to walk, the streets 
of Paris go through a metamorphosi 
The hacks become icabs. The horse- 
buses into High-rise 
apartments go up in the banlieues. Т. 
fic increases until we are witnessing 
scenes from Godard’s Weekend. The 
sound of the bells becomes an electronic 
shriek and the low 1 roi 
Demon turns into the shriek of jet planes 
at Orly. Durtal in his costume of 1890 is 
П out of date as he walks among 


Even in 


turn abuses. 


of the 


ations of the costumes of 


the past 100 years that tourists and hip- 
pies are in line at the ticket 
the plastic seats of the 
1d CONCOUTSES, 

“Dig those threads, idolescent 
to his sister as Durtal goes by. "Is it a boy 
or а girl?” And we see that Durtal has 
long hair. something like make-up and 
his stern 1h Century expression has 
moved into the clown's look of modern 
androgyny. Yes, we suddent re 
that the nearest waiting room at Orly is 
filled with androgynous couples. But 
al is seeing Gilles de Rais in his 
5s of the great crucible 
the castle of Tiffauges at night. As he 
‘es those flames, a rocket lifts slowly 
of the same great fires and the moon 
ves a cry like а wounded child, 


says an 


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Honey (continued from page 208) 


ing a direct hit on 
ng could have stopped 
ry bubbling between us 
. Lenny's sexiness settled 
down, over me and around me, slowly, 
gently but steadily. There was no room 
nor world outside. There was just Lenny 


foreign missile 
Baltimore, no 


and from Lenny: 


Lenny had me stand by the old double 
bed while he unzipped my dress and 
peeled it down my hips and off. He took 
off 


my bra next, squeezing my nipples 
they stood out hard and erect for 
i I slipped off 
ard to roll my 
stockings off. Lennys hands were like 
fiery butterfly wings, touching my breasts, 
caressing. my Il the inside of my 
thighs, cupping the cheeks of my ass in 
his palm: first one side, then the other. 
He gently pushed me into bed. 1 lay 
there, watching Lenny undress, my pussy 
a hot pool of need. The soft flesh of 
my i his was slippery with want- 
ing hin 


Lenny undid his studs and took 
My mouth went dry 
watching him strip. Lenny had broad 
shoulders, firm, rounded biceps; his belly 
was taut and smooth, His chest was silky 
with a soft duster of hair in the center. 
He had a high ass that tapered in and 
flared out slightly, flowing into his slim 
but beautifully proportioned thighs. His 
cock stood our fr his body, hard and 
erect, trembling in space. In the dim 
light of early morning. Lenny looked like 
the dark and handsome sheik-lover of 
my 5 come to possess me. 

Lenny slid into bed next to me and it 
was as if he'd always been there. That 
fiery chemistry between us had first sct- 
ied deep inside my stomach, and then 
it spilled over, sending rivulets of elec- 
tricity through my pussy, my legs; through 
my breasts, my arms, shooting up through 
my neck and into my brain, drowning 
everything in а bubbling pool of want- 
ing, red-hot d molten. I call it thar 
clectricbelly feeling. It takes over а wom- 
s body: it can’t be denied and when 
it's there, no zippers in the world can 
turn it oll Dt cin last a lifetime or it 
be satisfied i 
clectricbelly feeling hits you Е 
matters, nothing intrudes ши is 
reached, The shame of it is that а bache- 
lor girl's belly doesn't turn electric 
every day. It takes a very special person 
to do i 

Lenny spr 
up and 


lIway, but once the 
noth 


а slid his cock 
ps moved smooth- 


ly and steadily, in and out, rubbing 
er thighs. 


ist the soft flesh of my 
My body found his rhythm and, instead 
of turning me off. for the first time i 
my life, fu man felt good to me. 


He whispered “I love you" in my ear, 

m and wet, like a jungle steaming in 
the noonday sun, just before I felt h 
body stiffen as his cock burst open, spurt- 
ing creamy pollen into my fiery-how pol- 
len catcher. 

We spent that day in bed—making 
love to each other; searching out every 
secret hollow. Lenny's skin felt like 
electric velvet. I couldn't touch him 
enough. His skin seemed to pull at my 
finger tips. guiding my hands over endless 
miles of beautiful man flesh; now hot, 
now soft, now . now hard. Lenny 
was so, so beautiful. He was why God 
had made me. 

For the rest of that week in B. 
we were never apart except when we 
were onstage. When we weren't making 
love, we were laughing. Lenny could 
make me hysterical with just about any- 
thing as he splashed word p 
zap-zap—in front of my eyes. Everything 
was fun with Lenny: A penny arcade 
became a carnival, grade-B movies at 
all-night theaters became hilarious with 
a few choice comments from Lenny. 

Seven nights and seven days 

On our last night together, we stood 
on the bridge overlooking Chesapeake 
Bay and watched the sun rise. Lenny bad 
his arms around me from behind and I 
nestled the back of my head against his 
chest. 

Whispering in my ear, he broke the 
news. Before we met, he had signed up 
as a merchant seaman on a ship that was 


more, 


aintings—rap- 


to pull out of New York the next d 
He would be gone for three months. 
• 

When Tris arrived ten days later to 
drive me back to New York, I was glad 
to see her—but more as a friend than as 
a lover. ight, Iris could to 
get into bed. She made love to me, but 
the turnon was missing. My body just 
didn't respond to her caresses, D asked 
her to take her panties off and let m 
make love to her. But she refused, saying 
п her precise voice, "I will not be the 
й one to turn you on to pussy. If you 
had already had another woman, then 
it would be different.” 

When I pressed her for an explanation, 
she described the intimate relationship 
she'd had with another woman for y 
They had a successful union only as long 
as Iris played the fem role. But at some 
point in their love affair. Iris wied the 
maleaggressor role and dug it so much 
she couldn't assume the passive ro 
n. 

It was bitter cold in New York. I was 
bored and restless. Thoughts of tropical 
weather prompted me, a few days later, 
to pick up the phone and call my agent 
in Florida, Sammy Clark. Dear Sammy 
found me an immediate booking at the 
Paddock Club in Miami Beach, Iris want- 
ed to go with me, so we packed our Jight 
summery clothes and stored our winter 
ones in her specially built insulated ce 
closet. The double locks sealed my Per- 
sian lamb co: ide the closet, forever. 

One night, I got a telephone call at 
the Paddock Club. It was Lenny, calling 


fi 


“When I'm ready to get married, I hope I'm lucky enough 
to find someone exactly like you” 


257 


PLAYBOY 


a258 crying our little hı 


say that he had jumped ship. One 
month away from me had been too much. 
He had called my mom and found out 
where I was. "Honey, Fm taking the next 
flight to. Miami to sce you." Click 

I could hardly do my first show. When 
1 got off stage, there he was, more beau- 
tiful even than Id remembered. 1 fell 
ato his arms and he nibbled and sucked 
at my throat, whispering "I lull you!" in 
his Bela Lugosi voice. I could feel my 
pussy turning into hot sauce, just standing 
close to him. But 1 had а second show to 
do. so we agreed that the second it was 
over, I'd go straight t0 my room and wait. 

Айег my act, 1 dashed off stage and 
ran to my dressing room. Iris was there, 
waiting. 1 didn't know quite what to say 
to her, since she knew nothing about 
Lenny, but 1 hı ng that it didn't 
it was all 
g to come out in the wash, and soon. 
We crossed the street to our hotel and 
went directly to our room 

We walked into а blizzard of lowers, 1 
couldn't believe my eyes! Everywhere, 
literally everything was covered with 
llowers—lavender, pink, red, white, yel- 
low—an explosion of colors belore my 
eyes. Dozens of longstemmed. gladioli 
(288, to be exact). were artistically ar- 
ranged in huge c chers, wastepaper 
baskets covered wi olds Wrap! 

Iris and 1 stood in the open door. I 
knew it had to be Lenny, it was so out- 
geous. 1 nd muttered. 
tin our room? 


just stared 
How did these flowers 
Who sent them? 

Spotting a small white card tied to a 
red flower, I lifted it off and scanned the 
line: 


Lenny was upstairs in the room di 
reelly above us, wailing for me! I ran 
out as fast as 1 could and called over my 
in later. 

to Lenny's 
smothered each other with 
esses. Laughing and cr 
iddle of the room, 
happy to hold each other, touch the 
reality of each other. 

Honey, sit on the bed and close your 
eyes. Now, when I count three—open 
up! One-two-threc! 

I opened my eyes to see a full-sized 
suitcase filled with goodies for me—soi 
from every port. Therc was 
boule of banana cordial from 
. wine from Portugal, lime-green 
slippers with curled-up toes [rom Turkey, 
silk scarves, boules of expensive perfume: 

1 was going through Lenny's "San 
" when he pulled me down onto the 
bed. "Here, my lady, is your 2 
as he handed me а gorgeous, elaborately 
carved tortoiseshell comb for my long 
red hi As we lay together, he told me 
the O. Henry story of The Gift of the 
Magi. Wt was so sweet I couldn't help 
bur cry, which made Lenny cry, so that 
pretty soon, there we were, the two of us, 
wou 


shoulder to Iris that I'd expl; 
1 flew up the stairs and 
ms. We 


w 


small 


Lenny turned onto his side and began 
sroking my hair. “Baby, you're so beau 
ша: the combination of alabaster skin 

ad red hair everywhere drives те crazy!" 
Lennys touch made my skin feel like 
satin and I felt completely uninhibited 
in expressing my fe His 
low moans T sucked his hard dite 
man nipples brought the aggressor out in 
me. He let me play with him while he 
lay passively on his back. I brushed mv 
hair over his face, his chest. his gorgeous 
cock, still and trembling. He held on to 
the checks of my fanny and used them 
as handle bars, rotating my pussy against 
his groin. Then J began t0 tease his cock 
with my boobies. 1 moved down along his 
torso and began to flick my tongue 

ipidly from one end to the other of 
his perfect manhood, I opened my mouth 
and sucked deeply, wanting all of him 
When he couldnt hold off coming any 
longer, 1 stopped sucking and we fucked 
with me on top of him. 

1 could hear Lenny whispering, 
"Oooow, I'm coming. luck. me." Then 
were coming together. With Lenny's 
al shaft reaching deep into me, I 
climaxed for the first time with a man! 1 
held on to Lenny, wanting my body to 
stay wired to him 

Lenny started talking qu 
you, Honey, really love you. You're 
1 think about on the ship." 

1 rolled over and looked into his beau 
tiful baby-sparrow eyes. “Lenny. you know 
1 love you, but I want to tell you about 
my past. There are kinky parts to it 

Lenny coved, "Yummmm.," and stroked 
my bottom. “Hey, Honey, I love you. | 
don't give a fuck what you've done in 


the p 
But I insisted and Lenny held me in 
his arms while 1 described my year in 


Floridu's Raiford Prison and my unhappy 
¢ to the original King Kong. 

I took a deep breath, held it, then let 
it out slowly, my eyes оп Lenny. "For 
the last six months, I've been having an 
intimate relationship with a woman. I 
really thought 1 was in love with he 
She's been very good to me, but then 1 
met you . . and you are all I want.” 

Lenny pulled my head down against 
his chest. His face seemed to glow with 
love. 


gani 


“That 


ats . baby,” he 
just makes me want you all the more. It 
isn't every day a guy сап take a woman 
way from а dyke! Anyway, who isn't ho- 
mosexual to some degree? 

“Did you ever have sex with a man? 
Jh, sure! A few months ago. I wa 
San. Francisco and saw a small blue ncon 
Sign—FINNISH STEAM  BATH-—OPEN ALL 
sicir. Beautiful, It was late and I wasn't 
tired enough to sleep. I went on in. In- 
side, the steam room was filled with hot 
fog. Three cement tiers, li 
lined the sides. It was all green-tiled, like 
the Y but steamier, right? 1 put the towel 


e shelves, 


down on the tiles and sat naked. T was 
just into yelaxing when a dis 
tinguished-looking middle-aged man with 
silver sideburns walked in. He said 
hello 10 me. Would I mind if he sat down 
on the first level next to me? Pretty mild 
ope! ? But dig—I was the only 
person in the steam room! 

"Now, I'm getting really wiped out 
from the heat and the steam, so 1 decided 
to lie down. The next thing I knew, this 
dignificd-looking man with his neato sil 
ver sideburns was kneeling on the bare 
tiles alongside of me—looking at my 
cock! He didn't touch it. He just looked 
atit like he'd lost his aud was checking 
1 had it! I wasn't in the mood to 
so I took my towel and covered 


gening 


10 see 
hassle, 
my act up. 

* “Oh, my lad, please let me see it, Just 
for a minute. Don't cover it, please. 
Your cock is beautiful. I do believe it's 
a perfect penis? 7 

"God. Lenny, what'd you do?” 

“Well, 1 was going to punch him 
the mouth, but when he told me it was 
perfect. Y took the towel away to look 
myself! 

Honey, before 1 knew what was hap- 
pening, ihis guy had my cock in his 
mouth. This dignified geutleman—dow 

knees, with my cock in his mouth 

"Oooh, Lenny, did you like it? Did it 
feel good?” 

Well. the first two times 1 came in 
mouth, it felt OK. But when he asked 
if he could kiss it just once more, 1 drew 
the line. 
Ah, come ou, mı 
“You had me believ 
^ 
An hour before I was due onstage, I 
ed Lenny goodbye and went down: 
s 10 my room. Iris was there, look- 
ag grim. 1 chattered away about being 
te for work and having to hurry and 
ke а shower. Iris lollowed me iuto the 
bathroom and began quizing me. I 
quickly got into the showe 

"Honey, who is that gi 
you've been upstairs in room all 
night. What the hell is going on? What 
did you do all night? Have you 
mind? I have a right to know 

I had to stick my head out around the 
shower curtain to answer. 
ly 


1 complained. 
t steanrbath 


sex t 


I know that 


his 


St your 


пу. 
voice leaped а few octaves hig 
as she began But Dow. 
about my decision and secure with my 
love for Lenny. After а few minutes of 
ed me 

"GO. go on and go. Honey. I don't 
want you, if you don't want me. But 
don't come aying to m me 1 
take you back. when you realize what a 
mistake you're making. Leaving me for a 
mun, no matter who he is! 

Iris stomped out of the bathroom, skam- 
the door in a fury. I could hear her 


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PLAYBOY 


ing things, pulling out drawers. Sudden- 
ly. she popped her head back into the 
bathroom. "And don't dry yourself on 
my bath towel!" Slam! 

"That night, Lenny picked me up after 
my show and we spent another delicious 
ght together. The next day we went 
over to the Floridian Hotel and checked 
into adjoining rooms. 

Lenny wasn' wo but he 
ys had money. When I asked him 
where he was getting it, he told me such 
a fantastic stor I didn't believe it. 
He had been priest and 
going 
hoods in Miami Beach soliciting funds 
for the poor blind and crippled lepers 


supported by the legally chartered Broth- 
er Mathias Foundation. But the founda- 


sted ас only: Several years 
before, Buddy Hackett, Arnie Sultan, 
Marvin Worth and Lenny had formed it 
n Lenny thought of 
he got a charter for it 
ghis from cach member. 
for me to believe Len- 

ine how he had 


пуз 
the nerve to actually dress 


stolen vestments, no less) 
funds for the lepers. 

But the next day, 1 walked into a shoe 

260 store on Lincoln Road and there was 


Father Bruce, looking holier than John 
the Baptists head. І couldn't hear wh: 
he was saying, but J watched as the ma 
ager wrote out a check and gave it to 
Lenny with a grateful smile. On his wa 
out, he turned and tipped his somber 
black hat. He w 
and exited with а gra 
bless and bc with you, madame. 

Now, I knew plenty of people who 
could sell the Brooklyn Bridge or even 
San Francisco's Candlestick Park, but a 
Jewish priest selling lepers? I couldn't 
wait to get back to the Floridian and talk. 
to Father O'Lennygan. I opened the 
door to my room, threw my packages 
down onto the bed and rushed through 
our connecting bathroom to find Lenny 
standing and smiling in the middle of his 
room. He was gleefully holding the check 
Гог $100 donated by the shoe-store m; 
ager for those poor lepers. Lenny ran 
around the room, emptying secret stashes 
of money. Handfuls of green stuff. Money 
scooped out of socks, dumped out of 


d at me obscenely 
us "May God 


shoes, coat pockets, inside the Gideon 
Bible. When we counted it, I was dum- 
founded. Fight thousand simoleons, col- 


n less than a 
yy." he soothed, 


lected in cash and. cheeks 
week! "Don't worry, Нон 
“TH send the lepers some 


10 impersonate а Catholic priest? 

“Relax, sweetheart, I've got it covered. 
I've seen enough Pat O'Brien movies to 
оптгау а priest. It's just a role with a 
uniform. Fm holding confession," he 
smirked, "in five minutes in the bath- 
room, where I'd be happy to 
your sins, you gorgeous little s 

"Come, come, my child, 
ed from the bathroom. 


‘Come 


fess to Father Bruce.” 
1 went into the bathroom, where I 
could sec the outline of his body behind 


1 confes: 
my idol. 
fy celestial 


the shower curtain. I bega 
"Oh, Father, my pure one. 
(Lenny always loved that.) 

ing. Forgive me for sinning. 
Don't worry, my child. Take off your 
clothes, so that 1 may cleanse your body 
with my holy water. After you are com: 
pletely naked and have completed your 
penance of five Hail Marys, close you 
eyes and open your mouth, so that I may 
give you my holiest communion." 


n. 
1 sat down on the toilet seat and closed 
my eyes. After mumbling my pr 
promptly opened my mouth and waited 
for a cue from his holiness. Naturally, he 
filled my open mouth with his cock. 1 
couldn't stop laughing when I opened 
my eyes and saw Lenny in front of me 
completely nude—except for a white cleri 
cal collar around his cock! 
her Bruce" wasn’t mentioned seri- 
ously again until I nearly died in a car 
accident when a truck ran over the low 
er part of my body. On the ст list, 
momentarily regaining consciousness, 1 
heard Lenny the atheist talking to God. 
He was pleading: “God, if there is a 
God, I beg of You, let Honey live. If You 
do, then ГЇЇ promise to give up my 
Brother Mathias n, even though I 
know it's a winner scene. I'll give it all 
up, if You just let her live.” And he did 
just that. After that accident, he hung up 
his habit forever. 

Lenny and I got married June 

1051. We were in Deuoit, visit 
mother, who had been in the hosp 
judge performed the ceremony in the 
city hall; afterward, we decided we should 
do something to celebrate. 
“I've got a great idea,” said Lenny. 
"m hungry, and I place where 
they make absolutely the best buttered 
popcorn in town." 

"Where's that? 

“The Fox T 


ater. Let's go see а 


You know, it's funny—I d 
ber a thing about the show. 
tered except one thing: I 


Wt remem: 
Noth 
Mrs. 


Over the next several years, our careers 
ued to grow. The only fly in the 
t, besides the auto accident, w 
the fact that I kept getting pregnant— 
nd Lenny kept g he didn't want 
children. I had had five abortions when 1 
finally put my foot down: I wanted a 

- No baby, no sex. Lenny finally 


Tis the CC. Season! 


Time for that spirited holiday 
cheer that C.C. is famous for. pa 
And now, for the holiday season, “aa e AAT 
C.C. comes beautifully gift- \ 
wrapped at no extra charge. 


ы (nadan bid 


he » e hot Maly 


e 


этик or "CANADIAN CL" WHISK 
HIRAM WALKER & SONS LIMITED 
WALKERVLLE CANADA 


PLAYBOY 


262 


agreed, and on November 7, 1955, Bran- 
die Kathleen Bruce was born at Cedars 
of Lebanon Hospital in Hollywood. 

Daddy and me and baby make three. 

Kiuy was a perfect baby. She hardly 
cried, and when she did, it was a deli- 
cate sound. By the time she was six 
weeks old, my figure was back in shape. 

Joe Maini, the blues sax man, and th: 
trumpet. player from the burlesque club. 
where Lenny was working in L.A. were 
ї our house every day. Lenny was work- 
ng out an idea for a bit that included 
them, One afternoon, I sang Sweet Sue 
nd Joe harmonized with me. We were 
ounding pretty good together, especially 
when the wumpet man added his har- 
mony. Lenny loved it. 

“That's it, Honey! We'll have a group. 
I'm writing a satire on The Man with 
the Golden Arm and with the four of us 
in the bit, it will be dynamite!” 

I wanted to go right back into show 
business and I knew by Lenny's enthusi- 
asm he definitely wanted me back 
showbiz. But underneath, I was disap- 
pointed in myself for not wanting to 
stay at home and take care of Kitty. 


Every night after work, Lenny and the 
musicians would snort a little smack be- 


fore they started rehearsing. Joe always 
ed. I didn't use any drugs during my 
egnancy, to make sure I'd have a pa 
fect baby, but I figured it would be OK 
now, so 1 started snorting every night, 
too. I wanted to feel what everyone else 
was feeling. Maybe I would sing better 
loaded with smack. In 1955, most of our 
zmusician friends were using heroi 
nd they were the best musicians around. 
Besides, it was easy to bury my guilt feel- 
ngs about being a mother on the run 
when I snorted a toot or two. As soon as 
I felt strong enough, I nervously hired 
my first baby sitter and went with Lenny 
to the club for the evening. 


The audience was predominantly male, 
with two middle-aged women near the 
back. The only ones paying attention to 
Lenny were Joe and me. With that much 
attention, however, Lenn could be 
tempted to do damn near anything. As 
the last stripper was taking her bow. 
Lenny was to come out and close the 
show. On cue, he walked out on stage, 
nude except for black shoes and socks. 
Before the audience had time to react, 
he was urging them to join his sing- 
along, like the Forties, when the 


tempo over the words. Lenny, 
hopped across the stage, singing, 
lets watch the bouncing ball and every- 
one sing." 

One of the women 
ирей out of | 
artender 


n the audience 
nd ran to the 


“I am the owner; what can I do for 
he replied. 

I think that young man onstage i 
disgusting and I'm going to report him 
to the police. І demand to ki 
me." 

"Oh, him? That's Tony Curtis! 

Joe. Lenny and 1 laughed all the way 
home when we heard that the irate wom. 
was going to report to the police that 
Tony Curtis was performing an indecent 
act on the Cobblestone Club stage. As 
soon as we were inside, Joe got a spoon 
and started cooking up some stuft. I 
watched him fix and then 1 ched him 
fix Lenny. They were high on a crest. I 
couldn't resist the temptation; I wanted 
to be up there with them. Joe coolly 
coaxed me to try fixing in the vein. He 
explained that an intravenous injection 
@eates ап lc flash and injecting 
heroin meant getting high on less dope. 
(It's ironic now to think that 1 embarked 


“Of course it’s pol... how else do you 
expect reindeer to fly?" 


on a 16-year journey with heroin and the 
needle partly through an argument for 
thrift!) 

Lenny was already floating in his pri- 
vate cloud. He was all smiles, but they 
were obviously not for me. I wanted to 
be there with him. I needed to 
saw me. 1 let Joe ti 
my upper arm and made a fist, as he in- 


structed. Petrified of needles, 1 turnec 
my head and shut my eyes. 
The next thing I knew, I was lying oi 


our bed with ап ice pack on my fore- 
head. Through a haze of lovely calm- 
nes, I heard Joe explain that I 
passed out from sheer fright befor 
even finished fixing me. But I was 
feeling what addicts crave—a 
sensuous w ig throu 
er parts and settling in my pussy. Inhibi- 
tions numbed. 1 felt as though I could 
nce and sing my ass off! 

опей on smack, kibitzing w 
zz friends till d n for- 
ing ideas for his own group. The 
owner of Duffy's Gaicties on Cahuenga 
Boulevard, a retired pharmacist from 
go, was looking for entertainment. 
Lenny managed to convince him, "You 
need a comedian, a cool jazz trio—sax, 
piano and drums—but you can't cook 
without a bass, of course: а cooing curva- 
ccous lady up front would be dynamite, 
d then а fine trumpet to round out 
the group." Our seven-piece group was 
booked. Booked and hooked. 

We practiced and partied day and 
night. Words and sounds blended. When 
everyone was stoned on smack, it was 
casy for all inhibitions to ooze away. One 
night, 1 planned a surprise birthday 
party for Lenny. Barbecued chicken and 
ribs and our two-quart Sparklet bottle 
filled with champagne punch. Lenny was 
like a kid, bubbling with happiness. He 
couldn't believe that anyone could make 
such a fuss over him. It was his first 
birthday party. Imagine that! One of the 
girls brought a boule of Drambuie 
birthday present. She wanted Lenny to 
take out his cock so she could pour a 
small amount of the liqueur on it 
lick it off! It was certainly a different 
present, But, after all, it was his birthday 
and everybody was there, so 1 went along 

making 


sudden 


h our 


awn, Lenny beg 


love." 


the band 
wanted another party. They invited two 
shippers f 


m our show, plus the chick 
mbuie tongue. The scene 
Sight after night, the after-work 
icd, and the Drambuie Lady 
was а regular. She always tried to talk. me 
into а Bob ё Carol Теа & Alice scence— 
only the players were to be some guy, 
Lenny, me and Drambuie. I always re- 
fused. But one 1 in a euphoric state 
of drugs, I agreed. The four of us got 
into bed, Lenny and me in the middle 
and our guests on the outside. Within 


19768. REYNOLOS TOBACCO CO. 


They sounded good, but none of 
them gave me the enjoyment Salem does. 
Smooth taste that comes through the cool 
menthol. You can't find that anyplace else. 


Salem King. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


Р 


19 mg. "tar", 13 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report APR. 76. Lo 


PLAYBOY 


264 more frequen 


inutes, a football player was kissing 
my pussy and. Miss Drambuie had Len 
пуу cock in her mouth. Lenny started to 
moan deep in his throat, exacily the same 
with me. I opened my eyes and looked 
him. The look of pleasure on his face, 
that electric belly feeling I'd thou 
got only with me! I couldn't stand seeing 
that. 1 felt fury fill my body j 

out of bed. Grabbing a shoe in 
hand. | began hitting Lenny and Miss 
Drambuie with one and the football play 
er with the other. They couldn't believe 
what was happening. At first, they 
thought I'd come up with some kinky 
sex trip. 1 was livid, Lenny was laughin: 
like a madman as our guests ran down 
the driveway, still putting their clothes on. 
"Now, come on, Momma. You don't 


have anything 10 worry about, baby. 1 
love you and don't give а damn about 
that chick, If you don't v here 


in or don't want the parties, then we 
won't have any more orgies. That's all; 
it's as easy as that.” 

But it wasn't easy at all. A pattern had 
been formed. Heroin contin 
son our relationship. 

(From then on, it was mostly downhill 
Jor Honey and Lenny Bruce. In Hawaii, 
where they went to work, Honey was 
busted for possession of marijuana—six 
joints she still wonders if Lenny may 
have planted in her bag as а means of 
forcing her to break her heroin habit. 
They quarveled; Lenny took Kitty to Los 
Angeles and filed for divorce. Honey was 
sentenced lo two years in Federal prison 
at Terminal Island, California. When 
she got out, they reconciled—but were 
soon back into their pattern of drugs, 


d to poi 


lovemaking, drugs, quarreling, drugs, 
separation.) 

Lenny and I made up, broke up and 
made up зо many times it was like play 


ing Scrabble with a bag of blank dis 
No matter how we tried to mix them up. 
the little wooden chips came up blink. 
forcing us to say what they spelled out. 
And we could only see one word on the 
board—xevermore. It simply didn’t 
work, The complete trust and Jove E had 
once felt for Lenny had evaporated like 
т from a kiddie pool on a hot sum- 
s day, inch by imperceptible inch. 

Our big attempt to reconcile was when 
Lenny bought the famous House on the 
Hill—a $60,000 unfinished shell with a 
pool in back overlool the Hollywood 
Hills, Once again, we rolled out the old 
litle family, n g it to- 
gether. We had literally everything a 
g couple could ask for. Kitty was 
adorable and healthy and happily adjust 
ed to school. Lenny was а hit comedian. 
the darling of the jet set, and I was still 
his young and beautiful wife. 

Then Lenny started getting arrested 
for obscenity, Soon the arrests became 
plainclothesmen were 


dreams of 


you 


planted in club audiences, waiting to hear 
Lenny say "clap" or "cocksucke 
other "dirty" words. Arrest, bail, cow 


Thar was to become the patter of his 


y was out of town most of the 
time. so his mother, Sally, moved into the 
cep Kitty and me comp 
Sally and 1 kept getting i 
ments about the shifty-loc 
tions who came to 
could not rule the roost, so I moved out 
and from then on, I went up to the house 
lor only a few days at a time to see Kitty 
and Lenny, when he was there. I drifted 
and out of their lives for the next few 
is. 

As rime went on, Lenny's notoricty was 
splashed across the front pages of news- 
papers from coast to coast. The h 
ment and persecution continued; added 
to obscenity busts wi narcotics busts. 
The police came barging into the House 
on the Hill so often that Lenny finally 
moved Sally and. Kitty to an apartment 
in West Hollywood. 


ig connec 


see me. Two hens 


. 

Saturday, July 30, 1966. Tt was latc in 
the afternoon when Lenny called. "Hey. 
baby, come on up the hill, I have a 
surprise. 

My poor Lenny Penny. | couldn't 
believe how awful he looked. The b 
шш body Fd len in love with was 
Habby. swollen with edema, He hadn't 
left his ol days; obsessed with his 
creasing legal problems. he'd been 
over lawbooks, playing tapes, 
evidence to defend his career 


about dean white underw 
no longer суеп took time to shave or 
bathe, T knew he seldom slept, living on 
junk food and dict soda, dropping up- 
pers ший he couldn't concentrate. any 
longer, then downers for four hours 
sleep and back at his cases again. 

Lenny’s usual smile of greeting was 

i 1 followed his bulging form into 
иһсе. He'd scored some "outasite" 
dope and he was in a rush to fix. He 
shuffled toward the bathroom. He no 
longer felt secure leaving his drugs in 
the medicine cabinet, Instead, he'd had 
two kage pockets sewn onto his custom- 
made denim muumuu, and there he kept 
all his precious drugs. His drugs, his 
words and his tapes had become his 
world, his salvation, his last lines of de 


his 


fense ist the terrors of a national 
icy to wash the "sickness" [rom 
his brain and make him "well" As he 


hobbled into the bathroom on his swol- 
len purple legs, the various pills 
boules rauled in his pock 
metronome gone mad. (Ti [dicka 
dick /1 got my dope/to keep me sick.) 

We couldn't wait to blot out the hor- 
rors of lity, put ourselves into 
euphoria. We locked the bathroom door 
and cooked up the stuff. Before I got the 


our rea 


needle out of my a 
gush warmth through my body. It w 
strongest of anything Id fi 
was jabbing his callused veins fra 
ly, looking for a hit; it was like drilling 
for oil in a field tapped dry. 1 briefly 
nodded out from the strength of the drug 
and when 1 opened my ¢ 
out cold! The needle was still 
his arm tied up. His lips were 
tuming Ы 
I tried to pull him up. so I could walk 
him around and keep his circulation 
going. But he was so obese, 1 couldn't 
lift him. I screamed for help. Luckily, 
John Judnich, who was living with Lenny 
tthe time, was home. I put ice cubes on 
Lenny's balls, forced an upper down 
his throat and we walked him around 
and around the pool umil Lenny, blur- 
rv-eyed. smiled again. I thanked God he 
was alive, but I didn't feel like smi A 
A 1 felt was panic. I knew Lenuy's 
health couldn't take this sort of thing 
anymore. He had been in and out of hos: 
pitals almost as many times as Ûd been 
in and out of jail, He l a 20inch scar 
on his chest from a recent operation for 
а collapsed lung after shooting too much 
speed. He wasn't strong enough anymore 
10 mess with heroin and I told him so. 
Honey, I don't fix t often any- 
more. | don't have the bread—just а 
treat once in a whil 
He was back at his desk, busying him 
sell with some tapes he was working ou 


m. I felt the potency 
the 


Tor his defense. I kissed him goodbye on 
the forehead and told him, “Daddy. 
i Im not ever 


you're 


. Your health 


August d. 
1966—Lenny phoned again and invited 
me for another “surprise.” 1 refused 
“Lenny, 1 meant what I said about your 
health. TH come up and sec you i di 
or two." 


[wo days later—Monday, 
1 


But that was nev o he. Wednesday 
August 3, 1966. E was watching the seven- 
o'dock news. The announcer was talk- 


ing about Lenny. Not my Lenny! "La 
Bruce, the sick comedian, died today in 
his Hollywood Hills home from an over 
dose of heroin. " Oh, nooo, it was 
Lenny. I grabbed the phone and. dialed 
his number. 

Johu answered, "Yes, Honey, irs muc 

I'm sorry. There was nothing I could do. 
His face was purple and foam was com 
ing out of his mouth and nostrils, He 
was dead, Honey: it was too late" 
g. 1 prayed he 
was only pretending. “Please. Lenny. 
please det it be a bit, a skit, anythi 
don't leave me on this planer alone!” 

Friday, August 5, 1966, he was buried 
in the Eden Memorial Park, San Fernan 
do Valley. His name was misspelled on 
his grave marker. He probably would've 


laughed at that. 


LL hs 
2 


* J.B^s just a child at heart. All he really enjoys 
is unwrapping the gifts.” 


265 


PLAYBOY 


TyTN 
Pagrsas 
manufacturers of the da 
Bugatti, Minerva, Hisp: 
Romeo, Delage. "Talbot, Isotta-Fraschini, 
Duesenberg—did not build complete auto- 
mobiles that could be purchased from a 
showroom floor like an off-the-rack suit. 
Each automobile was tailored to the in- 
dividual tastes of the. customer, through 
the services of special coachbuilders who 
fied. handcrafted bodies to chassis. pro- 
vided by the єт. No two Rolls or 
Duesenbergs were alike and cach bore 
evidences of the unique tastes and prej- 
udices of its purchaser. This car-making. 
syndrome reached its peak in the late 
Twenties and carly Thirties, before the 
world-wide economic collapse in the Great 
Depression and the social and military 
revolutions of World War Two caused 
а major redistribution of wealth and a 
ng—or at least a modific:tion—of the 
expressions of conspicuous consumption. 
About a dozen ultraexpensive car makers 
and roughly twice as many custom coach- 
builders serviced. this wade in rope 
and America. By 1950. only a handful 
were left. 

The automobiles they created came in 
a variety of shapes and sizes (all im- 
mense) Creat formal nd 
coupés de ville, where the poor chaulleur 
sat in an open cockpit in а loony hold- 
over from horse-drawn-carriage days, 
were among the most spectacular and 
high-priced of the lot. And there were 
elegant sedans and coupes and fire- 
breathing sports cars, with their louvers 
and straps and flapping, lightweight 
bodywork. But perhaps the most desir- 
able and exciting of the lot were the 
incredible roadsters and drophead coupes 
that combined all the sheer size 
opulence of the giant limousines w 
the performance and limited passenger 
capacity of sports cars. While the limou 
sine was used for such heavy-duty opera- 
tions as ор ind theater transport, state 
funerals and coronations, the sedan for 
family drives to the co nd the 
sports car for short-haul, nerve-traying 
blasts curving roads, the great 


y—Rolls-Royce, 
oSuiza, Alfa 


limousines: 


coupes embodied a wistful element of 


d romance missing in the 
others. Yes, there was a certain ingre- 
dient of genie sin in these machines. 
These were the cars for weekend trysts, 
alte ig jd evening ren 
with mistresses and lovers—lor 
sient, private, luxurious trips to the 
south of France or up to Newport in the 
y of a deliciously elegant. and 
cager female. These were the original 
hustlers’ cars, the ulti ]- fantasy 
vehicle. If you couldn't get laid with a 
Bugatti or a Duesenberg, you had two al- 
ternatives: a cathouse or stery; it 
that simple. 

Imagine. if you will. an automobile 933 
ches long, with a 784-cubic-inch, straight- 
pable of propelling it 


comp: 


mona 


са 


(continued [rom раке 205) 


over 125 mph. Imagine some more: its 
hand-built two-place roadster body set on 
а chassis costing $30,000 minus the coach- 
work—30,000 hard, uninflated dollars of 
1930, by the way. That machine, a Type 
Al Bugatti, the largest automobile ever 
produced in quantity (if six or seven 
an be described as quantity). 
the sense of automotive extrava- 
died in the rubble of the 


Hitler 


eccer 


war. 
ric creator, Ettore Bugatti, whose 
sensibilities lay somewhere between pure 
sculpture and engineering, the Type 41 

intended for sale to European roy- 


Called the Royale by its 


depression resulted in the three versions 
th tually sold to fall into the 
cloth- 
Geman doctor and a 


ing magnate, a 
British army captain. (Hi 
тее on whether three or Гош 
tional Royales were built, simply be 
a number of them were fitted with more 
| one body by Bugatti and many of 
cords from his Alsace company— 


the 
run more like а ficfdom than а factory— 


were lost in World War Two.) While 
Bugaui maintained the unsold Royales 
in the form of elegant 
and limousines, two of the three 
; sic, two-place 
roadsters. Again, it is simply beyond 
the ken of contemporary automotive 
thinking to create a monster car, the hood 
of which was nearly as long as а Honda 
Civic, intended for thc tr 
people and their luggage. 
The larger-than-life roadsters of the 
Thirties were a unique permutation of 
automotive elegance that will never be 
bred marques 
of the era sold roadsters with blockbuster 
5. Bodies were built out of ev 
g from aluminum to steel to air 
to tulipwood. That special mo- 
ment in history, when technological opti- 
mism knew no boundaries, when concerns 
about ecology, pollution, distribution of 
Ith, resource shortages. etc.. were un- 
n the rush toward а hazy, Buck 
produced automobiles 
ite limits. Anything that could 
be done was done, regardless of mundane 

siderations of cost or time. 
This unbounded energy resulted in 
startling mechanical exotica such as dou- 
bleoverhead  camshafis. | superchargin 
independent. suspensions. transaxles and 
the widespread use of aluminum and 
m 


nsport of two 


magnesium. Perhaps the most lurid e 
ples of this energy were the Gatsbyesqu 
two-seaters, those block-long roadsters 
and drophead coupes intended only for 
wansporting a pair of bodies in the 
ultimate luxury. The most staggering 
example of this particular type of vehicle 
is the stark, white Bugatti Royale Coupe 
presently on display in the Henry Ford 
Museum in Dearborn, Michigan. Built in 


works in Molsheim, Alsace-Lor- 
ith a custom body by Ludwig 
reer of Munich, the car. reached 
the United St pparently after wan- 
dering around the Far East for a brief 
period, and was found in a Long Island. 
junk yard in 1943. Its discoverer was 
Charles A. Chayne, a vicepresident of 
General Motors and a classiccar enthu- 
siast who had the car completely re- 
stored. It now sits amid the regiments of 
locomotives, old curs nes of the 
imposing Ford Museum. its body so well 
proportioned that from a distance it does 


l its 24-inch wheels come 
into focus. Before lending it to the 
muscum, Chayne had a number of p 
tures taken standing next to his Royale. 
The bulk of the automobile is such th 
he appears to be a small boy lurking in 
the shadow of the great machine, when, 
in fact, he v wly man, 69" tall. 
The Chayne Type 41 Royale is one of 
the rarest and most valuable automobiles 
in the world. This is the only open car of 
the existing six. The five others, all p 
of great automobile collections, 
sedans and limousines, one of them I 
ing been converted by Bugatti from а 
magnificent roadster built in 1931-1932 
for Armand Esders of Paris. This m. 
chine, with a long and graceful body 
design 
memo 


M. Esders specified that the car be built 
minus front lighting. Bur the Chayne- 
Fuchs Royale remains the unrivaled 
champion of four-wheeled extrava, 
never has more heen lavished on a device 
to carry а pair of human beings down 

highw 


operate in the same league with Bugatti. 
А pair of gruff, muchloved brothers 


American heartland, Indianapolis, Ind 
Fred and Augie Duesenberg created 
some of the world’s greatest racing and 
passenger cars during their lor 
lustrious carcer. A Duesenberg 
revolutionary system- 
lic brakes—won the Grand Prix of Fi 
in 1921, a not duplicated by an 
ey drove 
n the Belgian 
While Bugaui 
did maintain а body-fabrication shop of 
his own, the Duese i 
chassis manufacture! 
ried bodies designed and built by 
American special coachbuilders such as 
Murphy, Locke and LeBaron and by 
ropean houses such as Fi 
Hibbard and Darrin. However, some of 
the most beautiful Duesenbergs of all were 
ned in house by med by 
у to be America’s greatest automotive 

(continued on page 270) 


cars c; 


desi 
ша 


What you dont hear 
is as impressive 
as what you do. 


Up to now the most you could expect froma 
medium-priced cassette deck was rather 
medium performance. But now there's the 
RS-63OUS. The medium-priced cassette deck 
with high-priced performance. 

We started by going to work on the sounds 
you don't want to hear with any cassette deck. 
When we finished, we ended up with virtually 
inaudible wow and flutter (0.09% WRMS). 
Negligible distortion. Transistorized switching 
that reduces signal loss. And a S/N ratio where 
there's practically no room for noise (— 63dB 
with Dolby* and CrO2 tape). 

That's what you won't hear. What you will 
hear is a frequency response of 30Hz to 16kHz 
(CrO; tape). That means cymbals, brass and 
strings will sound crisp, smooth and natural. 
The reasons: A super alloy tape head formed 
under intense heat and pressure. As well as 
high-grade premium transistors. 


You can also forget tape hiss. Because we 
use a two-stage direct-coupled equalizer as 
well as Dolby.* So that soft musical passages 
will remain quiet. 

The RS-63OUS also has highly accurate 
peak-check meters that let you set the 
recording levels without the fear of overload 
distortion. So you get highly accurate 
recordings. With excellent dynamic range. 

There are also dual output level controls. A 
CrO»: tape selector switch. A lockable pause 
control. And Auto-Stop at the end of the tape 
in both record and playback modes. 

So ií you've been looking for a cassette 
deck with outstanding performance, audition 


the RS-63OUS. It only sounds expensive. 
*Dolby is a trademark of Dolby Laboratories, Inc. 
Cabinetry is simulated wood. 


Technics 


byPanasonic 


268 


TUBE JOB! 

The owners of such home vidco-tape ma 
as the Sony Betamax now have an adi 
treat in store for them, A firm called Home 
Cinema Service (119 Ann Street, Hartford, 
Connecticut) is offering а mixed bag of Russ 
Meyer and Radley Metzger color classics— 
including Vixen (above), Cherry, Harry ё 
Raquel, Her, She and Him, The Licherish 
Quartet, The Libertine and a kinky black- 
and-white diversion, Faster Pussycat, Kill, 
Kill—priced at just $299.95 each. So 

that’s why they call it the boob tube! 


A DOG'S LIFE 


Is your dog a grouch? Overattached? A sex 
maniac? Does it attack old folks? Snarl at 
minority groups? Interrupt your lovemaking? 
Dr. Michael Fox (yes, the Michael Fox, who's 
regularly on The Tonight Show) has all the 
answers to your caninc's hang-ups in the form 
of a $5.95 LP record titled Dogtalk that's 
available from Life-Lite Concepts, P. O. Box 
2070, Teaneck, New Jersey. Subjects covered 
include smells, emotional language, disci- 
pline and personality problems. Woof! 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


BREWHAHA IN THE MAKING 
Now that everybody's into serious beer-can collecting, two suds- 
loving artists in Brooklyn, Wisconsin, Jerry Cratsenberg and 
Robert Cavey, have come up with a crazy, 31-page minibook 
called the Official Collector's Manual to Flatcans. In it, you'll find 
such shapes as the Oooh-La-La and the Old Pucker—plus 
ridiculous mounting instructions. It's yours for just $2.49 sent to 
the Tin Man Studios, Box 237, Brooklyn 53521. Step on it! 


ON GUARD! 

The liquor industry loves 
to produce good-looking 
mementos to remember its 
products by—whiskey ash- 
trays, Pilsner glasses and now, 
for all you well-heeled 
tipplers who think you have 
everything, your very own 
five-foot-tall, 25-pound 
Galliano Carabinieri that's 
available for $225 sent to 
Gold Standard Premiums, 
P. O. Box 14756, Baltimore, 
Maryland 21203. If that's a 
bit too dear, the same out- 
fit also offers a h- 
high ceramic Carabinieri 
lamp for $20, a colorful 
seven-foot-diameter three-ply 

Gi ć um- 
31.95 (with four- 
inch fringe, no less) and a 
chef's apron in the official 
Italian colors emblazoned with 
eight prize-winning Galliano 
recipes for $3.95. It’s enough 
to drive you to drink. 


FULL OF HOT AIR. 
Almost 200 years ago, the Montgolfier 
brothers escaped terra firma in their 
hotair balloon; today, you can do the 
same—if you've got the guts—by sign- 
ing up for a stay at The Balloon Ranch, 
America's only ballooning resort, lo- 
cated in San Luis Valley, Star Route 41, 
Del Norte, Colorado. Accommodation 
prices vary, depending on the length of 
your stay—not including the time you 
spend in the sky. And for all you chickens, 
there's also rafting, horses and bikes. 


THE ICEMAN COMETH 
Some masochists love to he flogged: 
others—if they belong to a qualified 
scuba club—can enter the annual Ice 
Floe Race that’s to be held this March 
19 and 20 on the Otonabee River near 
Peterborough, Ontario. What happens is 
this: Scuba teams garbed in wet suits 
and accessories attempt to paddle or push 
а 15 x 20" ice chunk two miles down- 
stream to an awaiting bonfire. (The 
Kawartha Tourist Association, P. O. Box 
802, Peterborough, has the details.) 

i We'll be on shore—standing guard 


over the hot buttered rum. 


T, AS IN TAIL 
Nevada, as everybody knows, 
has pockets of legalized prostitu 
tion where a guy can relax 
and enjoy some very tender, 
loving care. The next best 
thing to visiting one of these 
establishments, of course, 
is to sport a bit of memorabilia; 
Beverly Harrell's famed 
Cottontail Ranch in Goldfield, 
mple, peddles quite 
a number of nifty items—besides 
the obvious. Bev's T-shirts, 
in light blue, yellow, 
azalea and beige (include 
your size), go for $11.95, post- 
paid, sent to Harrell's Las 
Vegas mail-order address at 
Suite B, 5300 Paradise Road 
89119. So get one on! 


ANNIE'S OLD MAN 
As all PLAYBOY readers know, 
Harvey Kurtzman is the mild- 
mannered genius (he loves to 
be called a genius) who's responsi- 
ble for our own Little Annie 
Fanny, plus a whole slew of other 
creations. If you'd like to see 
for yourself, Glenn Bray, P.O. 
Box 4482, Sylmar, California 
91342, is offering for $4.95 The 
Illustrated Harvey Kurtzman 
Index, 120 pages of rare and 
unpublished art on the great 
man himself. And if that's not 
enough, Krupp Comic Works 
(P. O. Box 7, Princeton, Wiscon- 
sin 54968) has just reissued 
for a buck some vintage Kurtz- 
man in comic-book form. 
Harv, you sell out cheap. 


ALL SHOOK UP 
Fraidy cats of the world, grab 
this: A guy named Richard 
Owens, who runs Owens & Com- 
pany at 150 Green Street, San 
Francisco, California 94111, is 
marketing а hand-cast solid- 
brass Bicentennial (there's a word 
we can do without) San Fran- 
cisco Earthquake Handle measur- 
ing 10" x 4" x 2” that comes 
inscribed with the succinct ad- 
vice, HOLD UNTIL QUAKE STOPS. 

If you don't have a door that's 
worthy of it, the handle can 

also be used as a conversation 
piece, paperweight, doorstop, 
mini-bar bell or lethal weapon. 
At $45, including shipping, ours 
will be kept safely locked 

up inside the house. 


269 


PLAYBOY 


270 


гору 
stylist, Gordon Buehrig. 
coffin-nosed 810/812 Cord was a Buehrig 
creation, as were several magnificent Due- 
senberg 5] boattail roadsters. If there is a 
car larger than life, “it’s a Duesie,” as the 
old slang accolade goes 
Although they had been prominent in 
the automotive world foi |y 20 years, 
ing accomplishments 
aded efforts in. behalf of 
the Duesenbergs 
nt splash in 1928-192 
when the firs ns of the fabled J 
hit the American roads. Like the Bugatti, 
it was built without compromise by the 
ismen who populated the low, 


The famed, 


thanks to their 


base, which, for compar 
more than а foot longer t 
rary Ca 
it сом the 


contempo- 
illac and Lincoln sedans), and 
rth. A bi chassis w 


(continued from page 266) 


minimum of $8500 and, depending on 
the bodywork, an owner could easily 
unload over $20,000 for a fully road- 
prepared J Duesenberg. 

The J was a mighty enough performer 
10 operate without serious challenge on 
American highways. With йз suatight- 
egln, 420-cubicinch (69 liters). double- 
overhead camshaft engine, built w 
same painstaking care and brill 
nology developed through racing (in those 
days. competition with cars as well as 
horses improved the breed), it produced 
265 horsepower and w ble of 116 
mph. Howey as not enough. In 
1932, the Dui introduced their 
masterpiece, the SJ, a 

ion of the J. With the 


m 
imbers under pres- 
increased to 320 hor 
power—a p ious feat, considering ihe 


ively low octane of the pump s 


50- 


“First Га like to point out that with the recent 
permissiveness in the theater and in print, it would be 


hard to classify a call li 


ke this as really obscene. . . . 


line of the day. These SJs, complete with 
their four distinctive, chrome-plated, ex 
ternal exhaust pipes that became a hall- 
mark for all supercharged automobiles. 
could accelerate from 0 to 100 mph in 17 
seconds and run over 130 mph flat-out. As 
with the Bugatti Royale, the big Duesen- 
bergs carried three-speed transmissions, 
which permitted proud owners to ad 
witnesses by informing them of their car's 
» run MH mph in second gear. 

the other great automobiles of the 
day. a substantial. percentage of the 470 
to 480 Js and SJs produced were fitted 
һ four and aer bodies of 
various configu But there were 
te 


were 
у Cooper Gable, who had 
a pair of short-whedbase (well, relatively 
short, ar 125 inches). lightweight SJs 
built by the couchbuilder Murphy of 
l'asadei 
ome of the most beautiful Duesen- 
ms were created by Buchrig and the 
factory coachbuilders, but the particular 
1933 boattail SJ “speedster” model. pic- 
tured on page 201 was built by the 
custom firm of Schwartz & Company. 
With its lightweigl 
is still capable of nearly 130 mph in top 
s a perfectly restored member of 
arvelous Harrah automobile col- 


be 


ved as the 
builder of great, silent limousines for the 
chauffeured transport ol aris 
there к; when Rolls-Royce 
source of ma 
head coupes with a distinct sporting 
flavor, The years since World War Two 
have seen Rolls-Royce concentrate. 
marily on sedans and large convertibles. 
but di the decade 1925-1935—which 
might be described as the golden years of 
automotive coachbuilding—a number of 
wonderful, two-place Rolls w 
1. Perhaps the most excitin 
lot were the 7.7-liter, 160-hp 
Phantom Hs, which could 
mph. The Phantom HI à 
ultrasmooth, 7 
emwined Rs on its label 
I from the tradition: 
for partner Henry Royce. 
ad died in 1933). Although not 
quite as rapid as the H, the Phantom IIT 
is considered by many Rolls aficionados 
the h mark for this legendary 
mik 

While Bugattis. 
Duesenbergs were wi 
of sheer cost. other manufacturers of tli 
day were producing luxurious roadsters 
for somewhat less mone y 
remained staggeringly ex] terms 
of the masses. Packard, for example, pro- 
duced a splendid, narrow-bodied roadst 
in 1950 th, uld be bought, complete, 
from the factory for $5200. While 


as an 


Rolls-Royces and 
hout peer in terms 


=вамтсә. Î 


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PLAYBOY 


272 


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"Some things in life are 
extra delicate. Like my Two 
Fingers Tequila and every wom- 
anlever knew.” 

An old desert rat and his 
wife remember Two Fingers tell- 
ing them that. 

They figured he wasa 
strange dude with a name like 
Two Fingers. But he sure sold a 
macho tequila. 

“Му boys and I squeeze 
this tequila out drop by drop,” 
he winked. 

And that's as far as he 
would go on details about 
making his tequila, or about 
himself for that matter. 

“Like my tequila, like me,” 
he once told a storekeeper in 
Flagstaff, Ariz. 

Two Fingers and his tequila 
made a lot of friends in the late 
30's. Folks would see his truck — 
Two Fingers gripping the wheel 
with Honey at his side—and the 


dont wooa 


a good tequila arene” е 


word would spread fast. 

"How come you deliver 
your own tequila?” It wasa 
question Two Fingers was al- 
ways asked. 

“Cause I know it gets there 
just fine. And I spend a little 
time wooing Honey. Get it?” 

Our sources say Two Fingers 
made his trips north of the bor- 
der until the end of the 30's. The 
last man we could find who 
spoke to him was a retired Colo- 
rado state trooper. He helped 
Two Fingers fix a flat in the fall 
of ‘39 (Two Fingers gave him his 
last bottle as thanks). 

After that not a word. And 
nobody's quite sure why. 


They don't make them like 
old Two Fingers anymore. But 
luckily forus his tequila lives on. 


"81576, imported and Bottled by Hiram Walker - 
'& Sons, Inc., Peoria, IIL, San Francisco, Calif. 
Tequila: 80 Proof. Product of Mexico. 


was perhaps one third of what one might 
have to pay for a БВиди or а Duesen- 
berg, one must пог forget that Hemy 


Ford was selling his 1930 Model A stand. 
ard roadster for about $450. The 
Packard, therefore, was lor the 
well to do, as opposed to the filthy rich, 
and the rare Speedster Runabo: 

оп pages 202-203 is one of the most des 
able artifacts from this much-lamented 
company. Powered by a straight-cight en. 
gine of 3819 cubic inches. developing 145 
hp. the Runabout was sold with a guaran- 
tee that it would exceed 100 mph. While 
approxi 

chines wı 


ca 


t shown 


Lely 150 of these exquisite m 
e manufactured, only 18 are 


known to exist, which | es their value 
astronomical levels among serious 
collectors. 


Mercedes-Benz sporting vehicles of the 
golden era were directly related to ma- 
nes the company raced in Continental 
competition. Unlike Rolls 
Royce and Packard, which had forsaken 
active racing almost from the time the 
s were established, and Bugatti 


compan 
and Duesenberg, whose racing cars were 
much smaller and lighter than their 
Royales and SJs. Mercedes-Benz. ohen 


competed with cars similar to the models 
it soll on the open market. After drop. 
ping out of Grand Prix racing in 1926- 
1927 ıo concentrate on the desi and 
development of а new generation ol 
powerful sports cars, Mercedes-Benz intro- 
duced the S series, a collection of super- 
charged roadsters in a variety of weights 
and sizes, ranging from the S (Sport) to SS 
(Super Sport) to SSK (Super Sport Kurz— 
a shortwheelbase version) to SSKL (Super 

lightweight, short: 


Ibase pure 
was done by Dr. Ferdinand Porsche, 
perhaps Germany's. greatest. medii 
genius and the creator of the come: 
тагу sports сар that bears his name. 
SSKs were excellent. sports/racing 
chines and accounted for numerous vic- 
tories, including the 1929 Ulster Tourist 
Trophy, the 1931. Mille Miglia and the 
1951 and 1932 Avus races. The SSKL. 
а rough-and-tumble racer, light aud. 
brutally overpowered for all but the finest 
competition drivers of the day. F 
speed touring, the 55 and 
lavorite machines for. Europe's. w 
and die automobile pictur 
201—a 1929 SSK drophead ce 
body by Corsica Coachworks—was among 
the most desirable of all. 

Like the SJ Duesenberg, the SSK used 
1 large-displacement (131.3 cubic inches), 
supercharged, inline engine. sy Roots- 
type blower—activa miming the 
thronle wide open ecommended not 


on р: 


пре with 


ed by à 
nd 


to be used for more than 15-20 seconds 
at time, lest it ruin the engine—boosted 


the output of the der. overhead- 
camshaft power plant from 140 to 260 hp 
for short bursts of acceleration and top. 
speed, Old-timers still rhapsod 


ze about 


“Guess what, dear? I'm cleaning my oven 


the ominous, unearthly shriek of an 
Sseries Mercedes-Benz while running 
with its supercharger, or Kompressor, 


plies 
116 inches and it weighed 4590 pounds. 
However, its engine was powerful enough 
to push it along in excess of 120 mph 
and its suspension (semielliptical springs. 
front and. r 
sion and its 
clliciem е 
finescl 
its origi 


п). its four-speed transmis- 
giant four-wheel brakes were 
ugh t0 make ir one of the 
ndling road cars of the day. With 
excess of 518,000, it is 
understandable that no тоге than 33 
SSKs were built, aud. probably no more 
Than five were fitted with Corsica. bodies. 
This exquisite example from the Harrah 
collection is one of only two Corsica 
SSKs known to exist. 
Most men who love 


al cost 


utomobiles mai 


in ıl r again see an е 
like that which produced these incredible 
adsters and drophead coupes. The 
ks wail that such cars are un 


they ide » rollover 
protection, which is true. They are also 
extremely expensive to manulacture and 
cach year fewer and fewer аге made. It 
was a unique time, when wealth had. no 
sanctions on excess and technologi 
knowledge was blossoming at a sta 
пе. OL course, the aristocracy tl 


pre 


bought and drove these cars is old and 
tartered. now, and, with the exception of 
а dew айап and Engl ach- 


builders and some high-performance 

chines being built by Ferrari, Lam- 
borghini, Maserati, et al., there is nothing 
left of this world of unh 
tive elegance. 

Egalitarian instincts might cause us to 
applaud the end of such overpower 
displays of wealth as a Bugatti Royale or 
an SSK Mercedes-Benz; but when they 
are viewed more as sculpture—is expres- 


sions of a unique 90rh Cent art 
form—their impaa becomes that of 
aesthetics and not economics. Who cares 


that they were created for the selfish 
nutrition of egos or that unforgivable 
sums of money were expended in such 
pursuit? The fact rema 
times rich. perl 
have patronized great 
personal apgrandizeme 
far transcended the motivations for crea- 
tion. After all. Da Vinci and Michelangelo 
were subsidized by men who had rather 
superficial interests i so, perl 
might we be gratelul to the decad 
[ 


wh 


t—the result has 


ps. 


olous rich folk who unleashed the 


genius of men like Ettore Bug d the 
Duesenbergs. 
In the end, tı to ан, 


not to science. 


273 


PLAYBOY 


274 


Are You Sexually Liberated ? 


complices friends? — Stran- 
g Members of a swingers’ chib? — 
Guests at an orgy at a movie si 
house? — 

Section Six: True Confessions: Assume 
for the moment that none of the above 
questions applies to your situation. Per- 
haps you've been stationed in the ant- 
arctic for the past ten years and have 
yet to taste the fruits of the sexual revo- 
lution, You haven't even chosen sides 
How do you know if you're ready for the 
big time? Imagine youself in the follow 
ing scenario: Your new girlfriend tells 
you that a year before she met you, she 
went to a party with a man she kı 
quite well. The party w 


began to feel loose, war у 
The man began to make sexual advances 
while they danced—your girlfriend. says 
that she responded. Then, without warn- 
ing, an absolutely beautiful woman came 
over and gave the man а huge kiss. With 


(continued from page 138) 
a lot of tongue, She was an old lover 
whom he hadn't seen in Your 
girlfriend confesses that she was attracted 
to the new arrival, who kept patting her 
arm, complimenting her breasts, making 
literary references, etc. The man asked 
if the two ladies would like to accompany 
him back to his apartment to make love. 
Your girlfriend, realizing that this was a 
chance to satisfy a deep, abiding fantasy, 
ced. She gives you the clinical details. 
The woman was good at performing 
cunnil but the man was better. 
Your girlfriend kissed the other woman's 
breasts, while the man entered her from 
the rear, They changed places. Her or- 
asm was overwhelming, perhaps the 
most extraordinary of her life, but, in 
retrospect, nothing you'd write home 
about or expect to repeat in the near 
future. End of scenario. Your reaction is: 
1. Why is she telling me this? Does it 
mean she loves me? Is this her idea of 


hours. 


“There are a couple of blondes in 
lingerie who put out, Пете? a redhead in sporting 


goods who gives great head... ." 


2 Is she а lesbian? Is she going to do 
this often? Am 1 as good as the other gu 
3. She hasn't done anything like this 
with me, or even suggested it, I'm jealous 

4. Its part of her рам. Our sexual 
experience improves us for our next 
lover. It is biographical foreplay. 

Far fucking out. Im tumed on 
Could you repeat the part where the girl 
was kissing your breasts, while. . . 

Imagine that your girllriend 
you the sume story but confesses that it 
happened while you were out of town 
over the weekend. Would your reaetion 
be any different? Yes — No— 

Now imagine that after hearing either 
version of the story, you suggest calii 


tells 


up the other woman for an encore 
You've always dreamed of having 
menage à Irois. Your girlfriend declines 
She has satisfied her fantasy. She is not 
interested. in making love to or with 
another woman, However, if you wanted 
to call up the other man, she would be 
interested. Your reaction is: 


d premise yoursell 
that, with or without her help, youll ar 
range a ménage à trois lor yoursel. 

4. You cold-cock the bitch for gi 
impertinence. 


SCORING 


The source books and 


Section One: 
quotes match as follows 
LR 
ball.buster 


The description of the bronco 
hom Gershon Leg 


comes 


man’s Oragenitalism, a funky, scholarly 
tribute to the joys oL oral s 
2. D: Believe it or not, The Kama 


Sutra of Vatsyayana is the source of this 
bit of advice on giving hickeys to your 
end, Oriental sex is just 
x with 
. А 
Joy of Sex, an entire gene 
partners has be id and ра 
complaints have been heard. 
‚ C: The Sensuous Woman, by J.. is 
the source of the Buuerily Flick. Bless Js 
rt You may wonder why we 
include in our list of sources a book that 
was written for коше The r 
battle of the sexes, it pays 
10 do your intelligence work. Did jou 
know what the most sensitive part of 
your body was? Did your girllriendz It 
ys to know what the opposition knows 
п the absence of that knowledge, 


hı schiooí 


The 


оп 


Because of Alex Com 
ation 


to teach, М п possible score: В. 
Section 1 that we 
are polymorphously perverse at birth— 
en erogenous 


1 thi desensitize ourselves 
as we grow older. The liberated lover 
works to reclaim lost zones. Teeth are 
sensitive lo sexual stimulition. So 
eyebrows, зве and kneecaps. “This 


м 


Dolomite says . 
man was never meant to ski 


on high heels 


The theory sounded great. 

High heels would force your 
weight forward on the skis so 
you could carve your turns the 
way good skiers do. 

Nice theory. But it makes 
you ski all wrong. 

Proveitfor yourself: Raise 
your heels off the ground 
and tip your weight forward 
onto the balls of your 
feet. See? Three entire sets 
of leg muscles tighten up 
on you. And your ankles 
lose their flexibility. This 
is no way to ski. It's 
tiring. And eventually 
painful. 


Down with 
your heels! 
Common sense— and a 
careful study of anatomy 
—has led Dolomite 
to the low-heel boot. 
You'redowncloser to yourskis, 
in closer touch with the snow. 
Your muscles stay springy, sen- 
sitive, poised for action. Your 
Dolomite's low-heel footbed 


keeps muscles flexible. 
You ski naturally. 


High heels 
tighten leg muscles 
зо you tire quicker. 

ankles are at a natural angle. You 

can throw your weight forward 
when you want to...not because 
you're forced to. 


The advanced new Dolomite Bora. 


Two gold medals already. 
Our thinking would seem to be 
on the right track. 

The men’s slalom at the Olym- 
pics was won this year in Dolo- 
mites new low-heel boots. 

And so was the women's giant 
slalom. 


Tiny little shock absorbers 
under your feet. 

We have another advance in 
store for you when you slip your 
feet into Dolomite's new Bora. 

The insoles of the inner boots 
are only a quarter-inch thick, yet 
contain hundreds of elastomer 
shock absorbers. Each is a tiny 
lever. Andeach lever is connected 
to other levers. 

As the bony parts of your foot 
press down, interconnected levers 
raise other sections of the insole 


Tiny shock absorbers help 
spread the shock of impact. 


to cradle the softer parts of your foot. 


The shock of impact while skiing 
is thus spread more evenly over 
agreater area of your foot. 
And everywhere there are 
passages for air to circulate, 
helping to keep your feet at 
а comfortable temperature. 


Dolomite gives you 
more skiing time. 
The most comfortable boot in the 
world is useless if it is vulnerable 
torivetsthat pop and metal hinges 

that snap. 

There are no rivets on any 
Dolomite boot. And no metal 
hinges. So you spend less time in 
repair shops and more time out 
on the slopes. 

And without high heels to sap 
your strength, Dolomite keeps 
you out on the slopes longer. 

For your free copy of the Dolo- 
mite brochure, write the nearest 
Beconta office listed below. 


Aolomite 


makes you ski easier 
Imported by Beconta 


cutive Blvd., Elmsford, NY 10523; 


275 


section is not desi 
edge of what ar 
work" erotically. 
ure your sci 


ied to test your 
"work" or 

Rather, we want to 
se of the erotic. poten- 
of the entire body. We ve listed 
A maximum score would be 
times 17, or 85. If you scored the 
mum, either you are liberated or 
you take good drugs. If you scored within 
ten points of 17, then you are а boorish 
lover, totally insensitive to the potential 
of your partner. Either that or you have 
been making love to corpses. Note the 
regions that received low scores on your 
tally. Next time you make love, concen- 
trate on just those areas. 

Section Three: How many of the items 
listed have you used? The maximum pos- 
sible score is 30. For anything above 
ten, you сап consider yourself a true 
experimenter, a willing subject, open to 
the subtle nuances of sex. Le: п ten 
and you probably 1 
for owning the items, max- 
imum possible score is 30. Score above 
ten and you probably own a franchise 
with The Pink Pussy Cat Boutique, New 
erotic boutique. И you 
i Irom 16 to 20 (the 
1, Prolong, Ашо Suck, 
ger or flavored douches 
are penalized five points cach for genera 
tackiness. Accessories such as Prolong— 
which claims to prevent premature еў 


reas. 


PLAYBOY 


dà 


lation—or strawberry | douches—which 
disguise the natural flavor and scent of a 
woman—are antithetical to the cause. 


Why worry about how long you last? 
Really, now, What do you think all the 
other toys аге Гог? 

Section Four: The maximum possible 
score on this section is 15. If you an- 
swered that you have done it at a nudist 
colony, penalize yourself five points. A 
liberated lover is spontancous: He does 
not take guided tours of Disney World 
not need or des the or 

udist colony. И you 
п ten, we've probably 
caught your act. Keep up the good work. 
Less than ten: Well, the world will still 
be there when you finish serving your 
sentence. If you are not satisfied with 


your score, a retest is possible. 

Section Five: We're here to find out if 
you are ted enough to 
make it with more than one person at 


the same time. If you answered yes to 
questions one and two, you have over- 
come the major obstacle to group sex of 
any kind—the n: belief that sex 
is something that should happen in pri 
vate. If you are loose enough to take off 
your clothes or to make love in front of 
other people, then you are familiar with 
the doseness that comes from sharing, 
from celebrating a feeling with others, If 
sex is good enough to do with one per- 
276 son, then it is better with two. Or three. 


The energy jumps geometrically with 
each member. If you answered no to 
either of the first two questions, then you 
obviously had to answer no to questions 
three through unless, of course, 
you've figured out how to have an orgy 
with your clothes on. Question three 
requires a simple yes-or-no answer: If 
you answered yes, it indicates that you 
are willing to try anything once. A posi 
tive answer to question four suggests that 
you didn’t learn anything the first time 
that would keep you from doing it a 
second time. Many persons engage in 
a hitand-run tactic for satisfying the 
fantasies. It's the old adage: If you do it 
once, you're normal. 7 nd you 
queer. Our society iven its репи 
sion to try anything once. The liberated 
lover, however, does not just satisfy his 
fantasies and leave it at that—he weaves 
them into an ongoing lifestyle. Question 
five indicates your willingness to abandon 
sexual stereotypes. If. you are hung up 
on whether you're bisexual or homo- 
€ not liberated. 
the two-backed b 
ditional sex gives way to 
eted cr 
is a difficult obstacle to overcome: some 
feel т should be saved for the next 
is designed to 
degree of comfort with your 
expression. Many people 


In an orgy, 


revolution. Question. six 
you 


test 


ger ng, perhaps, that if their 
friends knew what they were up to, they 
would cease being friends. Discretion 
its place, but if youre afraid of judg 
you aren't liber 
will end up j 
where the cro 
e 
with a friend, is it worth doin; 

Section Six: We know, the scenario 
sounds like something out of Mary Hart- 
man, Mary Hartman. What were your 
ctions to the story when. you thought 
it was past history? Do you belong to the 
school of forgive and forget or relive and 
learn? Affirmative answers to reactions 
one through three suggest some degree of 
insecurity on your part, You are afraid. 
of confession, of comparison. You prob- 
tbly keep accounts 

The liberated lover is responsible for 
his own sex life. He does not view an- 
other person's experiences as a depletion 
should be his alone. 


swingers’ club, 
goingson follow Rob- 
"s Rules of Order. If you can’t do it 


He's closer to the person who answers 
yes to four and fiv 


. Every experience 
improves the pilgrim. (Or. as Thomas 
Pynchon notes, you break your cherry 
on something different every day.) And 
it’s perfectly normal to be turned on by 
a confession. Veterans of the sexual 
lution are not afraid of trading war 
stori 

The politics of the mater 


become. 


somewhat more personal when the event 
happens in the present tense. Your reac- 
tion to a confession, your urge to judge 
reveals a great deal about how you con- 
duct your own life. Do you think t 
you can get а as long 
as you tell 
George Washington Cherry Tree Theory 
of Truth and Consequences.) The liber- 
ated lover is more inclined to live with 
his choices. Either he doesn't consider 
them mistakes or he learns from them 
nd doesn't feel the need to burden 
someone else. If you feel miserabl 
don't ask someone to ki 
it better. In this section 
to three through five indicate an ор 
nes to new experiences. (It is all right 
to feel jealous, but only when you put it 
п perspective) Which brings us to the 
proposed ménage à trois. IE you agree to 
her request to call the other man, you're 
berated. Probably queer, too, but don't 
let that bother you. You are willing to 
help your partner satisfy her fantasy (al- 
though why you would want to help 
someone who doesn’t want to help you is 
beyond us) or vou are interested in the 
АС. If you suggest a 
foursome, you are heading in the right 
direction, but you may be hung up on 
balancing sexual accounts. It is probably 
bad form to ask someone you love to 
pimp for you: If you can't 
your own. youre not in charge. If you 
dedine, that's your right. 

We hope d n you some- 
thing to think about. It is not meant to 
be definitive—sexual liberation is 
attitude that cannot be put on a scal 
In fact, the whole notion of scoring is 
incompatible with the idea of an inde- 
pendent, adventuresome explorer of the 
sexual scene. If you are willing to ta 
someone else's word for how you did, or 
what you are, then you are probably not 
liberated. However, some sections of the 
quiz are more revealing tham others. 
Don't worry too much if you haven't 
read all the books mentioned in "Diller- 
ent Strokes"—there 
(censors, assistant district attorneys, et a 
who can read such works and not lea 
anything. Similarly, do not feel inade- 
quate if you do not have а complete! 
stocked toy chest. It may just mean 0 
your natural skills do not req) 
sories. We kind ol like the sec 
erogenous zones, though—after all, vari 
ety is the spic 
spontaneous, curious? If not, use those 
le for growth. By far the 
ctions of the quiz are 
Are you 


an 


re some people 


sections а 
most important 
those that focus on attitudes 
judgmental? Inhibited? Cautious? The 
liberated lover tends to disregard estab- 
lished auitudes about sex: He wants to 
find out for himself. Go to it. 


“Is that how you get off, Marian? Making it with 
the Sunday Times crossword puzzle?” 


= 


PLAYBO 


278 up 


MERRY CHRISTMAS 


with Jim Sanders, one of my writers, Art 
Steuer and Bob Johnson of Jet maga- 
zine. It gave me a blend of perspectives. 
McGraw was white Irish, Sanders was 
Midwes 5 

Jewish 


polished jou 
pacity to pene- 
ме to the nitty-gritty core of any 
anders and McGraw were out 
sucet corners of Chicago every 
morning at six o'dock, in zero and 
» weather. They had a big bar 
п wire across the top and 
dressed as pta Claus. 
hello street cor- 


subzei 


McGraw 
Seeing him on those 
ners playing Santa reminded. me of onc 


was 


of my most s comedy 1 
oldest daughter said she 


n Santa Claus. I said, "What you n 
you don't believe in Santa, and Tm 
pickin’ up the tab?’ She said, "Весли 


rn good and well no white 
be in our neighborhood 


you know 0 
man 


р: 


midnight! 

And it was so beautiful to see black 
folks in Chicago reach into their pockets 
and purses to help their brothers and 
sisters in Mississippi. I saw a girl in her 
ate teens excitedly drop a dollar into 
the I've never helped 
Mississippi before." T also saw a wino 
reach into his pocket and give fou 

s. I thought of the New Testament 
story of the widow and her mites—giving 
all that she had. You 
what four cents means to a 
ppreciate the beauty of self 
That puts him four cents further away 
from that half pint. Who knows how 
long it will take him to hustle up the 
needed change for that bottle? And it's 
cold outside. 

The day of the big show at McCor- 
mick Place arrived almost before we 
realized it. Charles Evers and Drew Pear- 
son flew into town. Charles, brother of 
slain civil rights leader Medgar E 
nd then ihe cretary for the 
NAACP in Mississippi, been in 
charge of sening up distribution of the 
turkeys when they reached their various 
destinations, Drew had been busy collect 
ing donations from his many contacts in 
high places. We all got together at the tur- 
key office. Drew, so distingushed with his 
mustache, his black coat and his black 
Russian-style hat, truly looked like the 
mbassador of good will that he was. He 


wino to 


t down and started pulling checks 
worth thousands of dollars out of his 
pocket lly as if they had been 


telephone messages. He further pledged 
10 make up whatever cost we could not 
raise through benefits and street dona 
My Chris now a 
full-fledged re 

k New York City, United Air 
ne at the stage door 
of the Majestic Theater waiting to pick 
ammy, who rushed out the door, 


(continued from page 110) 

following his Saturday-night performance, 
and raced to Kennedy Airport, where the 
it flight from New York to Chicago was 
being delayed until his arrival. Other 
performers had rallied to the cause. 
Eartha Kitt, who was playing the Palmer 
House, had agreed to appear. George 
Kirby, a neighbor of mine, was in town 
and had let it be known he would be 
proud to be on the bill. Red Saund 
band was to provide the music. And, 
the afternoon rehearsal, the Step 
Brothers showed up to volunteer their 
talent. 

The show was slated. to start at сїрїн 
р.м. At 7:30, my wife, Lillian, McG 
and I stood in the lobby, waiting. We 
were all nervous. We needed heavy ticket 

ales at the door to be successful. Then 
the good people of Chicago started pour- 
ing in. The show tremendous 
success. 

ednesday, December 23, 1964, was 

Two refrigerated trucks were al- 

rolling toward Mississippi from 


Four 


was а 


а and another from Ch We 
went out to the Buder Avi sector 
of O'Hare Field in the wee s 1 hours 


of the morning. A heavy fog choked the 
atmosphere and some people were wor- 

ihat we might be grounded. I 
n't worried. We had God on our side. 
When we arrived, a truck was being 
unloaded and its contents lifted by con- 
veyor belt into a chartered cargo plane. 
Five hundred turkeys were being loaded, 


along with hundreds of toys donated by 
Chicago manufacturer 
I rode down to Jackson, Mississippi, 


on the cargo plane. Lil and my two oldes 
ic and. Michele, went down on 
Delta, accompanied by McGraw, Our 
planes landed simultaneously at the Jack- 
son Municipal Airport. An integrated re- 
ception committee of about 300 people— 


ITI 
used to refer to 


me as “that millionaire nį and 1 
didn't want to spoil thei ge. 1 was 
munching a big, black cigar, and I was 


described by the Associated Pres as look. 


ing "splendid in bucksk 
quarter length. black-leatler. jacket and а 
cowboy h п onslaught by the 


gentlepcople of the press, I waded 
to the reception committee. 
“Welcome to the М; 
d of the brave nigger: 
the nervous white foll 

We rove to the Pr 


odist Church. 


nct: nd- 
ing room only, with more people arriving 
all the time, The offi preachers 
Gowded behind the pulpit and began 
npeting with one another for the priv- 


ilege of reading off the names of those 
who would receive tur 

We had a real problem. We had only 
500 turkeys, with another 3000 coming 
in on the truck from Chicago. Heavy fog 
had delayed its arrival and the driver 
had phoned to tell us he could 
it until the next morning. The distr 
bution committee announced that every- 
one with four kids or fewer would have 


to come back on the following day. Only 
four people got up and lel! So the 
committee decided to switch it around 


by asking people with 15 or more kids to 
come forward and get a turkey. Th 
proach didn't work, eith Tt set off 
stampede. 

y sound strange, but ar least 90 
percent of those people had never had 
ey before in their lives. Fannie Lou 
bad told us; "Fm 47 ycars old 
a turkey only once i 
nd I had to buy that on the ins 
ment plan." Now we saw firsthand the 
truth behind nnie Lou's words. We 
saw it in the s ol those who received. 
the first 500 turkeys. We saw it in the 
tears of pure joy and gratitude streamin 
down worn and weary cheeks. We si 
it in the hope, almost pride, that ac 
cepted a turkey not as a handout but as 
t. We heard it in the hundreds of 
God bless yous and in the testimony of a 
woman who sobbed, "I gor 14 kids 
ke 15 dollars a week. I don't 
to say no more . . . thanks.” 
Another woman took a turkey from me 
and testified, “Mawnin’, Lawd.” In the 
e I could muster, Т an- 


That night, I spoke 
Masonic Temple on I 


at a rally 
ach Street 


son. The white Citizens Council of 
Ruleville, Mississi had announced 
that it was sending two possums and а 


ck. of sweet potatoes to me 


I opened my remarks by acknowledging 
its gift. "Sending me food—thar's like 
scudi а relief check to Rockefeller. 


They don't know my background! I'd 
jump over a whole carload of sirloin 10 
get to à good possum. Why, I could sell 
those possums on the black market in 
Chicago and get enough money to send 
down 200 more turkeys. 
I also had some more sei 
that wonderful crowd. 


ious words for 


We didn't raise money and 
send these turkeys. you did. I's your 
fault. You have completely purged 
this state of negative thinking. Every- 
body who eats anything this Christ- 
mas will think of you. We brought 
turkeys for the champs. You earned 
that. What you're doing in th 
has put a lot of people olf our backs. 
For a long time, Mississippi was the 
garbage can of race relations. Any- 
thing that happened up North was 
dumped in the Mississippi garbage 
n—"Look how much worse it is 


s мае 


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Microphone and speaker 


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The Hy-Gain 9 (Model 2679) 23-channel citizens 
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may be obtained from your Hy-Gain dealer. 


© 1976 Hy-Gain 


PLAYBOY 


“This your beaver, lady?” 


in Misisippi.” Now you folks have 
puta lid on that can and there is no 
place to dump that Northern 
ba own back yards. 
And the smell is beginning to spread. 

When vou integrated. that golf 
course down here, the cat in New 
York begins to wonder. "Where's 
nez Same thing with schools 
and libraries. The opening day of 
school. you integrated school alter 
school without any kind of incident 
in Jackson, Mississippi. But in Jack- 
Heights, Queens. 64 white 
ng the school- 
New York Gi 


s but in the 


Sammy Davis would do a benefit in 
Chicago but he ‘ed to come 
10 Mississippi. Well, he probably i 
I the President of the United States 
hast been tw Misisippi in 50 
years, why should Sammy come? 
Wall, if the President won't come 
to Mississippi. take it to him! Tak 
our kids to the White House on 
Easter, when they have the big egg 
roll on the lawn. Just dump your 
tle ole kids on the E 
“We want to play, too. 
White folks praise Bob Hope for 
to Viewam and aiticize me 
lor coming to Mississippi. Well. it's 
saler in Vietnam. At least there 
you know the Government is on 
le. 


and say, 


your 


‘The пех 


moni 


id said he was in Colum- 
ind will on 
More tired, а bit more weary but no less 
cl-nighters wa 
tiently in front of the candy store next to 


David Brinkley's camera crew w 
ip on Lynch Street. David had told them 
not to bother to come ba 
they didn't get exclusive pictures, Ev 
Ww and 1 jumped onto the back ¢ 

ad were about to hand 
keys. A lone whit 
i ¢ crowd of bla 


k to work if 


n that this was, 


4 project (in fact, 
es, 300 to а Choctaw 


1 protested v 
ndicaüng that he had a “bad back." 


he shouted, 


у ran to receive. forgetti 
l back. Thus did Brinkley 
The first man to re- 
urkey in Mississippi was 


ds of motor vehicles were on 
d ло meet 
load up with turkeys 
out-olaheway 


dilapidated flat-bed 


g that truck from 
Chicago still hadn't arrived. The driver 


ns. One woman suffered a hea 
attack, she was so excited. But when the 
ambulance arrived to take her away, she 
old the driver, "Don't take me to no 
hospital, I'm gonna cook this bird in the 
mawnin "And she drove home in a саг 
with friends. Another woman betrayed 
her unfamiliarity with cooking turkey 
when she said. "Oh. thank you, Mr. 
Gregory. And I sure am 1 ask God 

› bless vou tomorrow when I'm fryin’ 
this turkey.” 

1 looked again at those faces, 
was like a bread line anywhere 
world. These were not just the hungry 
ippi. They had the same 
k of people you sce in newweels—ol 
people who are waiting 10 be fed in 
China, in the Congo, in Eur in 
America during the Great. Depression. 
These faces had а universal. expression. 
As | watched them. it dawned on 
strongly than ever that the numberone 
job Facing humankind. before Lindi 
the moon or on Mars, before сш 
more diseases. before inventi 
invention, is feeding hum gs all 
over the world. I kept thinking of a state 
ment Mississippi Governor Paul Johnson 
had made. sure the people of 

ald appreciate it very 
we turkeys were sent 10 the 
Northwest disaster iea,” (Floods had just 
tal parts of Oregon and Northern 
) E chuckled as E remembered 
we got the turkeys from out West 
I thought. “How the mna cook. 
them under ten feet of water?” And I also 
wondered what Misissippiaus Gow 
Johnson was talking about. Certainly not 
blacks. because he didn' represent them 
at alb And certainly noi poor whites, 
because he didn't represent them, either. 
I summed it up later in a quote in Jet 
пе. "We can't handle those prob 
lems that God has ed upon man 
Tike the Northwest disaster: were iry 
to solve some of those problems that man 
іаса upon man." 

One decade and one year later, the 
sovereign маке of Mississippi elected a 
Cil Finch. An old friend 
from James Allen. ari 
for to participate in the i 
proceedings. What а difference 11 years 
el made! 1 was met at the 
the governor's chauffeured limousi 
we were escorted by Misisippi state 
police. 1 spoke at the governor's dinner. 
Mice my speech. Gove ich made 
me an ho pi colonel, 
along with Charles Evers and Aaron 
Henry! The old 
are now members 
cial staff. Since 1 was at the top of the 
list of awardees, 1 became the first black 
colonel in the state of. Mississippi. Har- 
land Sander may be the Colonel of 
Kentucky Fried Chicken. but Fm the un- 
disputed Colonel of Missisippi Turkey! 


it 
the 


more 


another 


Misisippi w 


ach if al 


mor 


new 


"WOMEN 


campaign, there were fleeting rumors 
t some of Eiscnhower's friends, most 
notably Joseph P. Kennedy, had bought 
Kay olf amd sent her back to England 
until after the election. In any case, Ike 
recovered, took up golf and began to sink 
his putts elsewhere. 

“This Administration is going to do 
for sex what the last one did for golf." 


predicted Theodore Sorensen after the 
1960 election. 
Dixie. either Е.К. score was way over 


He wasn't just whistling 


par. Of all our Presidents, there's liule 
ubt that JOHN F. KENNEDY was by [ar 
the horniest. According to author Rich 
ard Condon, who has spent the past 15 
years researching the late Presidents sex 
lite, Е.К. had scored with 470 girls by the 
time he was elected to Congress, 903 
when he entered the Senate and nearly 
1600 by 1961. Make that 1603—he made 
it with three women on the morning of 
The gossip mills are 
still churning out the stories of J. 
аан». 


zs 
Famous names include Marilyn 
ze and Jayne Mansfield, with some 
ie Dickinson. 
and Rhonda 


Kim Novak, Janet Leigh 
Fleming. The latest to reveal ап inti- 
mate relationship with him is stripper 
Tempest Storm. Rumor has it that Jackie 
was so revolted by her husband's be 


(continued |rom page 158) 

havior that she intended to divorce him. 
until Joseph Kennedy (again) bought her 
off with a quick $1,000,000. Now we 
know what he did for a living. 

There's plenty of hard evidence that 
LYNDON JOHNSON [ool 
the de nave been pretty well cor 
ccaled. Nevertheless, he indeed, a 
ladies’ man. On cruises aboard the Presi 
dential yacht, Sequoia, he would watch 
television with а prety girl sitting on 
cither side of him. One journalist refers 
10 “a rather dull but persistent intraothee 
allair that began carly iu. Johnson's Ше 
in the Senate and ended when he was 
Vice-President" He reportedly once un- 
ripped the back of a Congressman’s wiles 
dress at a party and had a proclivity for 
kissing all women at social functions. 
Admitting to having a "weakness lor 
beautiful women,” L.B.]. once refused to 
hire an able woman on the grounds that 
she had He 
once said ro the late Speaker of the 
House, Sam Rayburn: “[Lady] Bird 
knows everything about me, and all my 
ladyíriends So VH be 
damned if I try to shut up babbling 
mouths.” 


everything but good Looks.” 


are hers, too. 


Concealing information 
friends was never 


about lady 
a big problem for 
RICHARD NIXON. In fact, there's some evi- 


dence that he hasn't even slept with Pat 
since the 


one possible affair has come to light 


rly Sixties. Since then, at least 


Literary agent Scott Meredith. claimed to 
be in possession of 22 love letters, pur 
portedly written by Nixon to the wile of 
a European diplomat. The letters refer to 
a meeting in Paris at Georges Pompid 
funeral and a later meeting in Ca 


and one complains bitterly that all of 
Nixon’s friends are deserting him because 


of Watergate, the mysterious lady being 

pointedly included in their number. 
When Nixon appointed GERALD FORD 

Vice-President, Ford's friend and frater 


nity brother Jack Stiles said Jerry was 
one of the few guys who could stand up 
under dose FBI scrutiny of his personal 
life. Ford didn't do much dating in high 
school or college. Stiles cam. remember 
only one incident in which Ford. while 


in college 


brought a girl to Aun Arbor 
and registered her in a hotel as "Mrs. 
Anderson." Unlike Nixon. Ford does get 
it on with his wife. When 
often she sleeps with her husband, Betty 


asked how 
Ford answered, “as often as possible.” 

As we 
Jimmy С 
think the subject of his lust is one we'll 


о to press, we don't know if 
ter will be President 


but we 


stay away from for a while 


in an instant. 


as natural as can be. 


You simply can’t buy a more sensitive condom. 


Or a safer one. 


Stimula is available at drug stores (and supermarkets 
and convenience stores where permitted). They also carry these 
other Horizon" products: Prime, Conture" and Tahiti? 


The condom is still the best known safeguard against Venereal Disease. For more information on prevention. detection 
and treatment of VD, write: Акме! Industries. loc, Dothan, Ala. 36301 


Then we coated it with SK-70 —our exclusive silicone lubricant 
that works with the body's natural secretions to make the experience 


Stimula is the first male contraceptive with a ribbed outer surtace. 
Then, to add to the pleasure, we pre-shaped Stimula to fit a man 
precisely. And we crafted it out of a latex so thin it transmits body heat 


Akwell Industries. Inc ©1976. 


281 


PLAYBOY 


282 


CN 
Jr Y (continued from page 120) 

Frank declined; he told people 
ward that he'd been a little a 


sitting that close to Clark. After all... ! 
But the m 


ad really 
quite n vite him 
out to the howe that weekend. A few 
ends were gening together, nothing 
у. How would Clark like to join 
them 


б 
Despite Frank's charity, however, the 
evening was doomed from the start. 


h: vy-blue bla 
Lgray trousers, a pale-blu 
yellow knit tie: he looked quite 
»od, except. lor the fact that his face 
was slightly flushed and evident 
t he'd had a few drinks belo 
10 the Ambroses’. 

Some five or six couples had gathered 
in the Ambrose basement recreation 
room and though Clark knew them all, 
he didn't mix very well but sat on the 
ıl sofa, staring at the 
oor, or at the simulated-knotty- 
II, or at the portable television set 
aluminum cart, though, of course, 
turned off and the screen was 
ureless Jeaden-gray blank. It was 
ary now: Talk dwelt upon the over 
s. the streets that were so in- 
Jequately plowed, grocery prices, саха 


ndsome 


Americain Coloni 
Jinoleu 
pine v 
on 


ts 
set w 


the university's disappointing budget 
a various 
children's nts and hobbies and dif- 


ficulties with or successes various 
schools, a rapid cascade of names that 
whirled about Clark's head but left him 
untouched 


Then one of the Ambroses’ litle boys 
ppeared in his pajamas, to pass Cheez 
bits and cashews and tiny spicy hot dogs 
around to the guests, and it was generally 
ed how Clark, sitting there on the sol 
h his drink on knee und his. т 
loose and disheveled about his 
ed at the boy. Frank Ambrose 


was à good-looking black man, amazingly 
‚ graceful, almost boy- 

was well into his late 

Зз; wile, was а very pale 
i with dull red hair and a sweet, 


mes rather strained. sm 
n. all boys, were very light: 
rk eyes that were 


rizzy hair. They were beautilul children. 
aimed, Really beautiful. 
that Clark should be 
ule Mai t pecul 
s if he had never seen any- 
te like the child. 

Approaching Clark, however, the boy 
hesitated: he be ingle. 

"What's wrong, Marty?" 
"Pass the h 
Bur the ch 


equ 


rs d'oeuvres ai 


ld shi 


"Marty, stop being so silly. You're be 


H right," Clark said 
He tried to laugh. 
I don't really. . . . You see, I'm on a diet 
ad I mustn't have... . It looks 
ally, but I 
icc said sharply. "What is 
1 told you to pass those 
hors d'oeuvres around and stop being so 
silly, or FII let Bobbie do it. Aren't you 
bad? Aren't you silly? 
The boy turned то his mother 
tioned for her to һе 


nd mo- 
п. He 
Vhat: 
are you 


down to 
п her 


cupping his hands to his mouth 
g back over his shoulder at Cla 

on the Monster Show 3 
Why. Marty!" Eunice said. “Isn't that 
bad of you! Give those plates here and go 
right upstairs to bed. Isn't that bad, isn't 
that silly . . 
Marty gave his mother i| 
тап out of the room, still gi 
Frank Ambrose cleared his throat n 
ously and said so t childr 
rational. 


nd peer 
k. "Like 


They were likely to say 
the slightest sense of 
“Exactly.” Jake Наше 
of course." 
They don't know w 
ella Blass said. 
“Hes the influ 
someone else said. 
t all, not at all,” Clark 
DETE E 


aid. “And they 


at they mean,” 


псе ol televisi 


tid slow- 
a child 


once mysell." 
т 
lence, аз if the group doubted Clark's 
statement but was too polite to comment. 
Talk leaped eagerly onto other, sim 
topics. But Clark. remained oddly 
stiff, string at the linoleum. It was а 
bright, cheerful design, swirls of gi 
orange, beige and red; it was 
complement the dark 
niture, He 
who was 


comfortabl 


tto 


nen 


edly with Eunice 
Ambrose and Sid Train- 
bout the latest fiasco in the drama 
riment—and gradually it came to 
ion, and then to the ate 
k was mutter- 


under his breath. 
At first they tried to igno 
it became more dillicult. 


€ him. Then 


mea 
knees bunchy 
Horrid old ж 
yes, rosebud mouth, W. 
another drink? Clark? Yes, th 
y much. yes, damn 
К fast. 
ites 


nse. 


get me damn 


He seemed oblivious of them, mutt 
shaking his head from side to sid 
entire sofa shook: he was 6/2" or 3” and 
by no means a light man. His eyes 
nearly shut as he spoke in that slow. 
ainfullv slow. almost meticulous way. 
astonishment. The 
ty seemed to have 
few seconds. His face 


contortions. as if he were a child before 
trying to frighten himself. “T 
Don't you touch me, you 
Don't vou come near! 1 want 
drink. Pm thirsty. Hairpicce 
hi into hair: five hundred dol 
Crooks! Oh, my God, my 


a mirror, 


to burst 


he was abe 
imo tears. Frank Ambrose stood over him. 
trying to clm him down. "Clark? Look. 
Clark. are vou all right? 

“Don't you touch me!" he said mur- 
derously. 
He shoved poor Frank backward, mov- 
g so quickly that everyone was take 
surprise. Frank staggered a few steps, fell 
into Marcella Blass 1 > the 
floor. The women began utte 
faint, astonished cries. Clark 1 
to get to his leet but failed. He w: 
drunk i 
his Lace se 
the upper hall: his j 
back and. forth, 
wasn't destined for 
goddamn life 1 w 
Austen HI. 
bitches, cows. scum, canaille, . . . Cheez- 
bis: Oh, my God! Wasn't destined for 
this, Call me а cab. Don't touch 
niggers. This is my life, this ds 
someone else's. Ugly ugly ugly, You'll 
1 your audacity. You ugly, ugly 
tures... !" 
Now, Clark. please, 
у. You” 
ggled massively to his feet 
He swayed, stumbled across Joanna May's 
feet and threw his martini glass at Jake. 
Only the ike. 
fortunately: the glass smashed 
against the simulated-knouy-pine wall 

Ugly. ugly! Oh, my God! It ca 
it cannot be. Forty-nine yews old. Har- 
vad, Oxford, Amherst. . . . Somewhe 
in Canada? Monster Show. Call me a cab, 
as! D don't want то eat your 
fucking tuna. casseroles, 1 don't want to 
drink your cheap liquor, 1 want t0 go 

I hate you all, oh, my God, you'll 

regret it, bags. bitches, cows, goggle-eyed 
scum, Lite nigger brats p g around 
- This isn't my life, 1 
п shrieking. “It isn't! 


t was said, the lower half of 
nel dislodged somehow from 


iw ground m ally 
ower-class bastards. I 

this. Not on your 
ark Pembroke 
ds. ha 


Jake Hanley 


icc-cube fragments struck 
itsell 


inot be, 


vou 1 


. 
The folle 
en variam 


of the story of the Ambroses' 


How the English 
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PLAYBOY 


284 


party made the rounds, not only of 
the English department but. of the 
tire university. People laughed upro 
us. then wiped their eyes and said 
solemnly, "Its a shame, isn't it? So 
telligem and gifted a man. Is he seeing а 
psychianrist? . . . At least he shouldn't 
drink. if he's an alcoholic" Ron Blass 
was excellent at demonstrating Frank's 
backward ма; ıd his look of utter i 
credulity: Jake Hanley was perfect at 
imivning Clark's i i 


of the story, € 
at Eunice Ambrose, having 


i glass 
cused her of 
in other versions, 
to fondle the Ambrose 
nd Frank intervened and a scuffle 
resulted; in still other versions. repeated 
neering de 
partment and the Human Kinetics School, 
c ob the new English professors had 
ne berserk over the weekend, attempt 
ed to rape a small child, was beaten by 
someone—the child's father, perhaps, or 
ad been committed to the 
hospital for men- 


self was absent from cla 
lor а week. When he returned. he s 
looked rather sick. His skin was slack, 
lifeless: his eyes were red-rimmed. Whe 
he met colleagues in the hall, he whis- 
pered g ags in a formal, embarrassed 
way. Everyone who had attended the 
fateful party received notes of apology 
shortly after he returned to classes. Each 
зе was written in longhand. beg 
forgiveness, expressing his sincere re 


ses 


ely remember what had happened, he 
knew he had behaved disgracelully and it 
would never. never happen 
knew he must not drink; and he w 
ng to drink. He could understa 
one’s wish not to sce him 
he had behaved in a beastly v 

ded to begi eh а 
their forgiveness and. understandii 
ı as they were capable of granting 


ter 


“The poor bastard,” Jake Hanley said, 
ing the note C itten to 


в 

both, 

sed 

th n to the Mays and the 
Blayses Trainors. “He's reall 


contrite, isn’t he? Asked me how much he 
owed me for the саро he did remen 
ber 1 was the one who helped him с 
to the sucer—áand said he was s 
he'd insulted me i 
really should forgive him. 

"You know what he called me. You 
heard him.” 


"He was drunk.” 

“That broken-down fa 
pered. He was hot-blooded: 
Frank’s particul 
А few years age 
been somethin: 
drunk quite a d 
parties. had. be 
des with v 
serious. ol ce 
had forgiv 


Frank whis- 

That was 
jı Hilberiv. 
305, he had 
of a таке himself; he had 
had attended student 
involved in romantic 
ious girl students 
arsc—and. of course 
1 hin several 


n. But that was years ago. Y 
go. And he had never, so far as he knew. 
really insulted anyone; he ha 
called anyone a nigger. 

"You should forgive and forget, Frank. 
of the department's two or 


smiled а good deal. He smiled now, 


ot- 
ing the black man's pouty expression: he 


ng ol how surprised poor Frank 
sulted in his own basement 
room. sent staggering back 
Marcella Blass’s dap. Jake 
pking of it. 
hell is so fu 


into 


ward 
laughed aloud. th 


"What. the 
asked. 

I was just thinking of Clark tryi 
t into the cab." Jake said. wiping 
his eyes. "He slipped on the ice. He 
sprained his wrist, but nobody knew it at 
the time, The poor bastard! But the ex- 
pression on that taxi driver's face 
Jesus, did he look worried. Irs such a 
Shame, really." 
‘The son of 
psychiatrist," Fr 
days he's goi 
himself. The first time | h: 


ny? 


h needs to see 
ank said. "One of these 
to kill somebody or kill 
1 a look at 


the administration will 


said. 


. 
. Clark met his classes reg- 
d attended. departmental meet- 
ad was courteous, as always, though 
rather abashed, and even a litle timid, 
when he encountered his colleagues in thc 
halls or washroom. Rumor 
ї last, seeing a psy 
d he was evidently 
‘ous diet, slowly losing weight. 
by the end of the term, he looked 
y healthy. Something had been done 
to his hair: Ft was styled in the same way. 
but there were vivid red-brown glints to 
it, He was sometimes seen. downtown. 
wearing sunglasses, smoking cigarettes in 


lly. Even. Naralie 1 
ed to express her угар 
him: and Frank Ambrose. me 
day im the library. believed he saw 
tears of contrition in the man's eyes, and 
grumbled hello. and made the necessary 


" 
hetic pity for 
m 


gesture of forgiveness by offering to shake 
hands. They did shake hands, Frank 
winced а little, remembering it, remem- 
bering the clammy touch of the mà 
hand. But he was happy he'd made the 
gesture. “After all,” he said afterward, 
the poor son of a bitch is buman.” 


. 
Clark Austen spent the summer in 
Europe and rumor had it that he wouldn't 


be back ıo Hilbe 


y in the fall. He had 
resigned. some said: or he had been se- 
creily fired by the board of t 
one told Frank. Ambrose ih 
idimitted to a Swiss hospital, having 
had a nervous breakdown while traveling 
in the Alps. Frank, who had received a 
postcard. from Clark, from Traly, didn't 
know what to believe. He felt some relief, 
then, when Clark returned in September, 
s trim as he'd been the spring be 
fore, looking good, courteous, as always, 
though not quite so nervous. He had had 


stees. Some- 


Clark had 


been a 


At the thi 
party, he drank two martinis but showed 
no effect, though he did leave early. with 
the excuse that ag nephew ol his 
that weekend. “He 


have a glass of red wine. 


10 was sometime in bite October that 
Clark was first seen—by a neighbor of the 
vors', herself the wile of a physics 
prolessor—in the company of a str 
z young man. The young 
had shoulder-length 
y pale sk me- 
hed forehead and la 
nds and feet. He wor 
outfit and cowboy boots. At first, it was 
thought that he might be a student. 
e Hanley 
а wall in the Toront 
while Clark waited in one of the lines to 
make a withdrawal. The boy was smiling 
nothing. He smiled into te айг 
dreamily, lazily. Не was tall, even taller 
than Clark, | y thi 
looked sickly. His teeth w 
. Jake said, and he certainly 
not a student at Hilberty. “Frankly, he 
looked diseased,” Jake said. 
“Was he good-looking?” F 


aw hi 


k asked. 


Jake shrugged his shoulders and col- 
red slightly. "How would 1 know? ,. .. E 
doubt it." 

Ron Blass thought it was an unfortu- 
nate development in Clark's private Ше. 
His wile seemed very eml: bout 
the subject and had all. 

les shame that poor C should 
have to моор to tut,” Basil. May said 


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irritably. Since becoming head of the Eng: 
lish department, he was acquiring. like 
his predecessor, who had had some emo 
tional problems during his term of of 
fice and who hi n fact, retired two 
years early, a certain nervousness about 
nearly everything his faculty did. The 
pending publication of an article, the 
pending birth of a child, the latest rash 
of poems by Ron Blass or Jake Hanley, 
the newest idea put forth by anyone at 
all—and Dr. May began to feel jumpy 
and apprehensive. As an ordinary faculty 
member, he had been quite vocal, and 
even rather aitical of the adm ion 
now that he was an administrator, he 
distrusted such persons. He had begun to 
think that he university had drifted too 
ar into democracy. But his wile, Joan 
surprisingly, thought that it might be a 
“good thing" for Clark to have a friend, 
even if it was a boy so much younger 
ihan he. 
“AIL human beings want companion 
nna said bravely. Brian Pack 
ve when told about the boy, 
but Natalie said she wasn't surprised at 
all. “1 wouldn't even be surprised to lı 
that Clark is handing most of his pay 
check over to the boy, and that he's made 
hi the be ici. їз will. Men like 
him do things like that." 
Sid ‘Trainor said that, in his opi 
Clark Austen really yearned for a son, 
for а way into the "human community." 
This might be his salvation, you know." 
Love was one thing, friendship was one 
. but this relationship, Frank Am- 
brose said, was something quite Өе 
They all knew what i there w 
use denying it. * is sick, Next 
he'll be propositioning our studeni 
Frank said. 

“But if they were girl students . . . ?" 
Jake Hanley said. 

It was possible that Frank blushed; 
his skin tone seemed to cloud. 

"Anyway," Jake said, "Clark can 
it—he's the way he 
disease, they say. it's just a bel 
ter, really nothing that 
Times have changed, Frank. The world 

very experimental now." 
It was true enough: The little Hilberry 
community had to confess that styles of 
living were vastly different now than they 
had been, say, 20 years ago. Students 
openly roomed together, mot just gi 
and boys but threcsomes, strange mixed 
groups, ragamufin families that smoked 
marijuana together and ate only brown 
rice—or was it white rice?—and none of 
this was done with r of de ce, 
it had been in the Sixties: It was quite 
ry, even conventional, “Boys and 
girls do anything they like now,” Sid 

slowly. “Anything we can 
probably do . . . and a lot 


g 
x 
Ё 
E 


ar 


ion, 


no 


“Still,” it was pointed out, "Clark Aus- 
ten js а member of the faculty. He must 
exercise responsibility and rest 

But nothing happened, time passed, 
and though Clark had the good sense 
ver то bring the boy to campus, he was 
often. sighted elsewhere with him. They 
went to movies together downtown, they 
ate at the Chinese Villa and the Blue 
Danube Hungarian Inn, they were seen 
one night at Si's, a pub near the 
sity, both rather drunk—a reckless thing 
to do, everyone agreed, since Clark's stu 
dents might very well have seen them 


niver- 


there. Someone said that 

bought the boy a Yam 

least, the two of them had been pricing 
motorcycles at a downtown dealer's 


There was even a story —unsubstantiated. 
of course—that the two of them quarreled 
frequently and that, one cold, rainy night 
in November, the boy had shoved Clark 
out onto the balcony of his apartment 
and locked the door on him, and 
wouldn't let him in for over an hour. 
(Clark had been wearing nothing but a 
flannel bathrobe 

But nothing extraordinary happened, 
though ev ied. Then, just be- 
fore Christmas recess, Clark sent in 
es for a New Year's 


tions to his coll 
ive party. 

‘At first they hesitated. Then, one by 
one, they accepted. It was a very friendly 
gesture on his part; he certainly did mean 
well. Natalie Packer was especially moved 
by the mth of the ion. She half- 
way regretted the things she had been 
ing about Clark. They had been 
friends, after all. until the evening of his 
strange breakdown. We'll be happy to 
come to your party, Natalie wrote Clark. 


We've missed you very much. 
H 
Clark's large, handsome apartment w: 
on the Ith floor of a high-rise buildi 


ter 


а by 


c g it. his guests were impres 
gleaming surfaces, marble-topped. tables, 
а brushed-velvet love seat, giltedged mir- 
rors, prints of Constable in costly frames, 
fussy, striped silk wallpaper, а lavi 
огей rug, statues of 


women carved in stone. brocade, 
a nonfunctional 
brass 


arble fireplace with luxuriou 
andirons, a cherrywood dining 
Title cigarette boxes and 


t, di 


textures, dizzying in its variety. “I'm so 
glad you like it,” Cla |. obviously 
flattered by their comp It will 
take me years to pay it olf! 

He was pleased, too, by the cordiality 
with which they greeted his nephew 
Carlie. All the men shook hands. Car 
ked his long, stringy hair out of his 
eyes, mumbled something and made a 
grimace that resembled a smile. He 
seemed a lite sullen. His outfit for the 


"We're going to exchange our presents out here, Miss Worthinglon." 


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evening was a buckskin shirt with fringes, 
tight-fitting suede trousers, boots with 
three-inch heels, an identification brace- 
let that was too loose for his bony wrist 
and a number of rings on cach hand. 
Clark introduced him as the son of his 


brother who lived ii ‚ where 
he was visiting 
Clark for an indefinable period of time, 


he said; and they were taking the oppor- 


tunity to improve Carlie He 
wrote а theme a day rk went 
with him and then he revised it 
that way, he was gradually devel 


g skills. Carlie listened, nod- 
ding without much interest. He belched. 
He licked his hair out of his eyes. Clark 
beamed at ad in that instant, Frank 
mbrose expe odd insight—he 
w that, for the first nce coming 
to Hilberry, Clark Austen was part of a 
couple. He was no longer a single indi- 
vidual, no longer a bachelor in the midst 
of couples. 

But though the evening began well, it 
slid downhill quickly. Clark was drinking 
100 much and Carlie sat on the armrest 
of the love seat, a beer bottle in hand, his 
expression remote, vacuous. He was clear 
ly stupefied with boredom. The hifi 
played Vivaldi, turned too high. The food 
was delicious—liver pat ‚ ап en- 
tire ham, cold sliced roast beef, several 
delicatessen. salads and brcads—but nei- 
ther Clark nor Carlie was cating at all. 
Clark kept hurrying into the kitchen, 
muttering under his breath, fussing like a 
demented old woman. He wore a dinner 
jacket and а ruffled shirt of pale-blue 
silk, bur there were stains on the jacket 
sleeves ime passed, he grew in- 
creasingly flushed and confused. Fi 
and most of the oth 


and as 


food was of 
they served at their own parti 
Scotch was unquestionably superior. 
alie Packer, whose appe 

ary. stood off by herself, a plate clutched 
in one hand and pressed against her fum 
little tummy, her fork busy in the other 
hand. A small trembling pyramid of food 
lay before her. 

The trouble started 
Blass, preuier than usual 
blue dress, and a little drunk from the 
Scotch, began questioning Carlie in a 
warm, maternal voice. He was so thin, 
she said, almost scolding. Why didn't 
he join them at the buffer, why didn’t he 
have some of this delicious food? The 
boy scowled, then giggled. Marcella of- 


te was legend- 


when Marcella 
floor-lengih 


fered to pre] e for him, "I don't 
want nor 8 
For some 


giggled. At that moment, 
ippeared, carrying а crab-me 
and-lobster casserole in what must have 
beer ticularly heavy stoneware dish. 
He bumped his hip against the sharp 


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edge of the table, seemingly distracted by 
something, staring toward Carlie: as if in 
m, while everyone watched, the cas- 
serole dish tipped out of his hands, a pot- 
holder nd there was a 
hrieked; he must. 


It took a good ten minutes for the mess 
to be cleaned up. Clark was very confused 
now, mumbling as if he wcre alone, 
ally pushing people aside when the: 
. Jake Hanley had the mop 
and was energetically using it, and СІ 
simply yanked it from him. stooped ov 
his hair loose about his face. Frank 
poured himself another Scotch, straight, 
appearing to sense that the party would 
he ending soon 
‘Get your ass over here,” Clark said to 
Carlie. “Do you hear me, boy? Layin’ 
there all evening, goddamned Уа 
There's some stuff under the table there, 
some crab meat or mushrooms or some- 
thing, d'you hear me?—crawl under and 
get it, and hurry up! 

Carl his boule down, as if he 
were going to obey. Then he giggled 
crawl under and get it yourself, 
he said. 
yin’ there ali evening," Clark said 
peculiar singsong voice, one side of 
his face twisted into a kind of grin. Frank. 
had never seen Clark look like that; He 
м both playful and vicious, clowning 
ad demonic. He seemed unaware of the 
other guests. A kind of skit had begun, a 
melodramatic comedy, w 
of being familiar to the two 

exciting. 

rk crooned. 
“Who's calling who what? 
Clark strode over to Carlie and 
his shoulder. He might have mis 
strength: Carlie cried out in 

anger. There w brief scuffle. Frank 
looked around at the others, searching 
for Eunice, wanting to catch her eye—or 
eye—belore it was too late, But 
everyone was st Ў 
No one spoke. "Don't you touch me, I 
told you never to lay hands on me,” the 
boy cried. He leaped to his feet and 
pushed Cli nst che wall, his 
eyes enormous. Somehow, his fist smashed 
lark's face: Clark's lower lip was 
ing. “I told you! 1 told 
Carlie cried. His voice in 
It ain't my ү 
Dropleis of blood һай spl. 
rk's ruffled shirt front. He moved his 
head slowly from side to side, as if trying 
10 dear il. “Won't let me Fh? rH 
show you. Why are you all gaping at 
mez Who invited you? Goggle-eyed fools. 
Must be punished. You'll see: Six bullets 
and then reload, Spying on me, Carlie, 
get rid of them. Spies. Aren't we preity, 
all fixed up for New Year's Eve! Flow- 
cred skirts and pearls and perfume, what 
docs it mean? . . . Must be punished. 


E 


292 Murderer 


“You're drunk, you stinking old fag, 

lie said, giving him another shove. 

"Shut up!” 
“Filthy little b 


t." Clark said, wiping 
his mouth with his coat sleeve. He gi 
gled softly. “Filthy, filthy little beast . . - 
should gargle with sh, your 
breath is fetid . . . always has been. . . ." 
His chest rose and fell. He was clearly 
winded, on the verge of collapsing. Yet 
he stood there, swaying, grinning, until 
the boy yelled something in despair and 


looks. Clark wiped his mouth 
nd again shook his head as if to 
He stared at Frank without 
seeing him. F started to say some 
thing, but the malevolent look in Clark's 
face di ged him. Then, making a 
low ng sound, Clark followed the 
boy back along the corridor. The boy 
had locked himself iu the bedroom; Clark. 
pounded on the door and commanded 
him to open it. 

Let's get the hell out of here," Basil 
May said. 

Thi 


ou 


was a scramble to get to the 


ing. Frank was s 
we should—— Maybe we owe it to 
Don't you think we'd better do some- 
thing?” But no one listened. Eunice was 
shivering violently and could hardly get 
her arms into her coat sleeves. 

Hurry up, hurry, for Christ's sake!" 
Jake Hanley muttered. “Where's my 
coat? Is this it? Lets get out of here 
before we're witnesses” 

At the other end of the 
Clark was calling to the boy i 
wailing voice, partly cajolin 
commanding. He was again pounding 
on the door. 
At least ler 
k protested. 

Tell him yourself: nobody's stopping 
you. 

They were leaving. Frank pulled at 
Basil Mays arm. "Look, Dr. May 
санч just walk out on him, can wı 
happens? 
r somethingz— 
where did we h They're both 
drunk, they're both crazy, l've never seen 
ie look so 
rank, for God's sake. You've been 
drinking too much yourself. It's only a 
lovers spar ders have the decency to 
leave them alone, 

But——" 

Frank followed his friends ош into 
the corridor, carrying hi Excited, 
frightened, like children, they ran down 
to the elevator. and he found himself 
running after them. Joanna Мау was in 
such a strange keyed-up state that her 

actually chatterii Frank, 
id once again that he really 
they should stay а while longer, 


iment, 


tell Cl 
Fra 


teeth were 
tin; 


because something terrible might happen. 
But the elevator arrived and everyone 
crowded into it. The women made 
little squealing noises and Jake E 
who was a bit overweight, was whee 

On the way down, Brian Packer s 
his voice trembling: "What could we 
have possibly done? Из a family 
squabble.” 

We could notify the police,” Marcella 
s said doubtfully. 

“Oh, no! Like hell! And get sued for 
false arrest or something?” Ron Blass 
said. His voice slid up and down; he 
must have been very drunk. “`$ got a 
right to his own life, goddamn it. Every 
body's got a right to his own life. Se 


BL 


No cops. 
“What if something happens up 
there?" Frank asked. His heart was p 


ing absundly. He knew that his ¢ 
were enormous now and that the whi 
were glittering, but he could not help 


Frank, for Christ's sake!" Natalie 
Packer snorted. She had brought a ro: 
beef ith her, pieces of тус 
bread. dutched tight in her small plump 
“Calm down, will you? You look 
в a minstrel show. Clark 
d big enough to choose 
What busi 


idwich 


ness is it of yours 
In the foyer of the 
they felt much 


iment building, 


y up to do. 
mean, thc way the world is now. 
giggled. She hi lom, expe 
mentation, lifes: 
тне... whatdys 


‘Joa 
"re drank 
k helped his wile down the icy 
steps. The others were going to the 
cus, breaking into couples. 
off. He wanted to shout after them, But 
there they went, breath steaming in the 


I's such a shame, such a 
ie mumbled. "That nice 
тїтєт and the delicious food and 
k trying t be so пісе... I do hope 
that boy doesn’t hurt him. What if som 
body bashes in somebody's skull with onc 
of those ugly statues? Oh, my God, 
nk. I'm dizzy, 1 don't feel well. . 
"Shut up and get in the c 
1. 
vom across the street, 
over, "Happy New Ye 
Blass, or maybe Jake Hanley. 
pushing his wife into the car r: 
patiently. hardly looked up to see. 
“Happy New Year!” he shouted back. 


her im- 


YOUR LAST 
CHANCE TO 
CLICK 
WITH US! 


PLAYBOY magazine's first Playmate Photo 
Contest, open to all readers, will soon come to a 
close. Deadline for entries is December 31, 1976. 

You've seen the most beautiful Playmates 
we could find and photograph presented in these 
we're giving our 
readers the opportunity to be PLAYBOY talent 
scouts and photographers themselves. 

Send us photos of you playmate, photo- 
graphed you way, and you could win the 
photo-contest prize of a lifetime. 

If your playmate shooting is sclected as 
the most inspired entry, you and your model 
will share equally the $5000 cash prize, and 
you will win $1500 worth of Minolta camera 
gear plus a super chance to use it: an unforget- 
table “expense paid" week working: (if you 
can call it that) in the Chicago 


pages over the years. Now 


photo studios of PLAYBOY, 
where you'll consult 
and share trade 
secrets with 


PLAYBOY PLAYMATE PHOTO CONTEST 
OFFICIAL RULES 
NO PURCHASE REQUIRED 
V. Entries submitted may bo taken with any camera or lilm in color 
‘or in black and white. Color transparencies must be mounted in 
cardboard mounts. Prints must be mounted on cardboard no larger 
than 84" x 11^. Do not submit contact sheets or negatives 
2. Each picture must be accompanied by a completed official 
entry form or facsimile thereat, Only one picture per form, but 
enter as many times as you wish. For addtional entry forms. see 
your participating Minolta dealer. 
3. Елиз will be preliminarily judged under the supervision of 
the D. L Blair Corporation, an independent judging organization 
amon will be made by the Ettors of PLAYBOY 
irg Hugh M. Hefner. The decisions of the judges 
are final in all matters relating to this offer 
^. The judging criteria are 2s follows: 
1, Appropriateness of photo for use as a Playboy cemertold 
(60%). 
2. Visual elleciveness (composition, creativity, origiality— 
20%). 
3. Technical ability (2035). 
S, АП prize-winning entries become the exclesive property of 
Playboy Enterprises, Inc., and none can be retuned. 


6. Except for winning entries, pictores will be returned d each 


PLAYBOY's photographers and photo technicians. 
You'll enjoy VIP guest status at the Playboy 
Towers Hotel, with VIP keyholder privileges at 
the Chicago Playboy Club. 

Ten runner-up prize winners will each 
receive $500 worth of the Minolta camera equip- 
ment of their choice. 

All entries will be received and screened 
by the D. L. Blair Corporation, an independent 
contest organization. Finalists will be evaluated 
and judged by rrAvsov Photo Editor Gary 
Cole, Art Director Art Paul and Editor-Publisher 
Hugh M. Hefner. 

Entries may be in color or black and white, 
prints or transparencies. For complete rules, see 
the entry form below. Additional forms are 
available at your Minolta dealer. 


But hurry: Entries must be received no 
later than December 31, 1976. 


Prize winners can choose from the full range of 
equipment in the official Minolta Product Catalog 
in cfect January 1, 1977. Select from hundreds of 
items, from sophisticated electronic 35mm SLRs and 
interchangeable lenses to remarkable 
wireless sound moi systems and 
the world's first zoom SLR for 110 
cartridge film. All embody the preci- 
sion quality that has made Minolta 

America’s best-selling imported 


eee 


LAYMATE 


-PHOTO CONTEST. 


is accompanied by a separate, stamped, self-addressed envelope 
of suitable size with appropriate packing material and postage. 
Playboy cannot guarantee the retum or condition of picture. 

7. Each winner vill be required to sign an affidavit certifying that 
he/she is the photographer and sole owner of the winning entry 
and that it is original and has rever teen previously published in 
‘any form, nor has it won any other prize or award 

8. All entries must be received by December 31, 1976. 

9. This contest із open to all entrants (photographer and model] 
Tesifing in the United States and Canada, of legal age in he state 
or province in which they reside as of September 1, 1876. 
Employees of Playboy Enterprises, Inc. Minolta Corporation, and 
the D. L. Blair Corporation, thei respective advertising and public 
relations agencies, the Families of each and photographers whose 
work has appeared in PLAYBOY within ће past live (5) years are 
not eligible. All federal, stare and local laws and regulations 
apply in the United States. MI Federal, Provincial and Municipal 
laws and regulations apply in Canada. AII prizes will be awarded, 
Duplicate prizes wall be awarded inthe event of ties. This offer is 
void wherever prohibited by law. Taxes ate the sole responsibility 
ofthe prize winner. Prize award is contingent en the availability 
at по additional cost to PLAYBOY of the original negative or 
transparency and standard model release ol subject. No sub- 
stitutions for pries permitte. 

10, To receive a list of prize winners, send a separate, sell- 
addressed, stamped envelope to Playboy Playmate Photo Contest 
Winner List, P.D. Вок 7060, Blair, Nebraska 68009. 


OFFICIAL ENTRY FORM 

PLAYBOY PLAYMATE PHOTO CONTEST 
0. L. Blair Corperation 

Executive Plaza 

185 Great Neck Road. Great Neck, N.Y. 11021 


Gentlenen: 
Enclosed is our entry in the Playboy Playmate Photo Contest. We certify 
that we have complied with all the rules of this contest and that both of us 
were adult citizens of the State or Province in which each of us resides, as 
of September 1, 1976. 


MODEL: 
Signature. 


Name. 
PHOTOGRAPHER 
Signature. 


Address. 


City. State, Zip. 


294 


ON: THE 


hether you're a culinary expert or a neophyte, 
you'll want to arm yourself with quality cooking 
implements of good design. In that regard, I've 


selected a number of kitchen items that have 
personally passed muster in terms of aesthetics, efficiency 
and cost. Cost alone, however, has never been the prime 
factor of utility. You can spend $60 on a copper-and-ceramic 
double boiler—or you can do 2s ! do and opt for a $12.95 
Pyrex model. Why? Because when cooking over water, the 
first thing | want to know is how the water is acting. Is it 


РЇ. AY BOY S 
‘SCENE 


WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT’S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN 


HABITAT 
HAIL TO THE CHEF! 


of the pan to scorch? And glass lets me see the first sign 
of a sauce curdling. 

Or suppose you're not into cooking at all but just 
want the look. My first purchase would be a sleek nickel- 
steel veal pounder. Hang it on the wall and you have a 
handsome piece of sculpture. 

Brillat-Savarin wrote, “The discovery of a new dish does 
more for the happiness of man than the discovery of a 
star." While you may never invent a culinary masterpiece, 
well-designed implements will make your hours in the kitch- 


boiling furiously or has it evaporated, leaving the bottom 


en more pleasurable—and that's a plus. 


— ROBERT L. GREEN 


Below: Hang in there, Escoffier, 
with the following (left to 
right): Stainless-steel Sa- 
batier meat cleaver, from 
Bloomingdale's, $11.95. Gour- 
met aluminum omelet pan 
with walnut handle, from 
Design Research, $24.95. Stain- 
less-steel crepe pan, by Spring 
Brothers, $54. Three imple- 
ments (parts of an eight-piece 


set) are skimmer-stiainer, 

crepe ladle and spatula, from 
lauflee’s Chef Helper, $42 com- 
plete. Porcelain quart-sized 
pitcher, from Design Research, 
$6.50. Lamalle hammered- 
copper mixing bowl, from 
Hammacher Schlemmer, $52. 
Items hang from a 36" wrought- 
iron bar with S hooks, from 
Bloomingdale's, $15.95. Counter 


items (below right, clock 
wise from one): Rosti mixing 
bowls in one-, two- and three- 
liter sizes, $15.95, and German- 
designed Terraillon spring- 
balanced scale, $16.95, all from 
Design Research. Pyrex double 
boiler, $12.95, and nickel- 
plated meat pounder, $16, 
both from Bloomingdale's. 
Wooden whisk, from Design 


Research, $1.10. A pair of glass 
cruets, from Henri Bendel, 
$13.50 and $8.50. Melior 
eight-cup coffee maker of glass 
and stainless steel, from Bloom- 
ingdale's, $41. General Electric 
Toast-R-Oven, from Ham- 
macher Schlemmer, $49.50. 
Braun electric 
from Design 
Research, $40. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MICHEL TCHEREVKOFF 


SEX 
DIAPHRAGM REDUX 


ntil recently, the diaphragm was so far out of style 

that anyone under 30 who viewed such a device 

might have guessed it was an indoor Frisbee. But 

worries over the pill, problems with the I.U.D. and 
the usual objections to the condom have led to the dia- 
phragm's rediscovery. This would be just fine; the more 
contraceptive options available, the fewer abortions or un- 
wanted babies. The only trouble is, there seems to be a 
faddish quality to the revival of this venerable antique and a 
tendency to gloss over 
the inherent disadvan- 
tages that took it out of 
circulation in the first 
place. 

If less obtrusive than 
the rubber, it’s still a 
pain in the ass. When 
larded with the requi- 
site foam or jelly, the 
thing is slippery as an 
eel; and when folded 
for insertion, it has a 
tendency to spring 
from the fingers and go 
rolling around on the 
floor. Insertion requires 
enough contortion, 
maneuvering and prob- 
ing to take the joy out 
of sex, or at least the 
spontaneity. In the days 
of parked-car romance, 
about the only virtue 
it had was portability. 

While jaded married 
couples might take 
time out for installa- 
tion, many young 
women found the 
process either too awk- 
ward or too embarrass- 
ing and would elect 
to gamble. It’s possible 
to suit up a few hours 
in advance, but not 
many women ever 


new study of 2000 mostly young, unmarried and childless 
women who conscientiously used the device for a year or 
more with an accidental-pregnancy rate of only two percent. 
While this is good news, the young, unmarried women 
under 18 (who had the best contraceptive record) probably 
don’t screw as often as those 30 to 34 (who had the worst 
record), and the studied group was carefully fitted, well 
trained and motivated. In general usage, the effectiveness 
rate might still run only the old 80 to 85 percent. 

Enthusiasm for the 
diaphragm is due, of 
course, to increasing 
worry over the pill's 
side effects and health 
hazards, which may be 
a lot more serious than 
anyone expected. But 
if the pill is risky, it is 
also very effective—al- 
most 100 percent—and 
what must be conced- 
ed is that the risk still 
must be evaluated in 
terms of the alterna- 
tives. At its hypothet- 
ical worst, the pill is 
safer for women under 
40 than either pregnan- 
cy or childbirth. 

If the public is get- 
ting confused over 
the various undesirable 
alternatives, the fault 
lies with contraception 
groups and with the 
media, both acting in 
good faith. The pill's 
virtues are no longer 
news. Its perils are and 
the return of the dia- 
phragm is. 

But the promoters of 
diaphragms are getting 
carried away when 
they glowingly de- 
scribe how simple and 


liked that. Seemed pre- 

sumptuous for a first date and, for some, it made sex too 
premeditated. Others didn’t trust the squirmy thing to stay 
perfectly in place through dinner, movie, drinks and a full 
course of foreplay. Because the foams and jellies aren't 
exactly taste sensations, the diaphragm isn’t conducive to 
oral sex and, after screwing, most women don't like the 
idea of leaving it in place for eight hours. 

All these factors added up to the joke that the diaphragm 
was 100 percent effective—80 percent of the time. When 
properly fitted and carefully used with no exceptions, it's 
almost as babyproof as the pill, with only a little risk that 
it might (as Masters and Johnson discovered with their 
ingenious camera) come unseated during intercourse. 

But now, articles with such titles as "Return of the Dia- 
phragm,” "The Diaphragm Is Back in Town!" and “The 
Diaphragm Comes Back,” in both news and women’s maga- 
zines, have been touting the device as a replacement for 
the pill. Planned Parenthood is also promoting it, citing a 


effective the thing is 
and glibly write off pregnancies as "people failures.” True 
enough: So far, no sperm has evolved that can chew 
through rubber. But people failure has been the big ob- 
jection to diaphragms from the beginning. They require 
a certain amount of skill and, at best, they're what one 
might call a fucking nuisance. 

This whole business is unfair, of course; the burden of 
contraception shouldn't fall so heavily on the woman. 
It does so for the simple reasons that men don't get 
pregnant and medical science has found it much easier to 
suppress ovum production than sperm production. No 
doubt, an effective male pill will be developed eventually. 
Researchers at the Baylor College of Medicine in Houston 
expect to spend two years and $100,000 finding out if the 
male hormone testosterone, which is known to suppress 
reproductive-system functions, can be utilized as a male 
contraceptive. Women may one day be nagging men: “Did 
you remember to take your pill?” — WILLIAM J. HELMER 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY BILL FRANTZ 


295 


GADGETS 


Track Time 


Below: The Cavallino desk clock, by Heuer, is a battery-operated 
timepiece housed in a helmet case that's а replica of those wom 
by world-champion drivers. Four models are available—one carries 
the name of Formula | world racing champion Niki Lauda—and 
there are Clay Regazzoni and Jackie Ickx models, plus an untitled 
one with sleek chrome trim, $49.95, including a one-year guarantee. 


Presto! Change-o! 

Above: The Accutrac 4000 automatic direct-drive turntable, by 
Audio Dynamics, is a wondrous machine that features electronic 
track selection and a computerized memory bank. You operate the 
Accutrac 4000 from your easy chair, selecting track after track as 
the mood strikes you via a cordless transmitter or utilizing the 24- 
selection memory bank. The price: $499.95, including dust cover. 


Here’s Looking at You 
Left: A 4/4" Newtonian portable field reflector telescope of high- 
impact plastic that weighs only ten pounds and measures 17" high, 
features a breakthrough in telescopic design that enables the sky 
watcher to see more stars in a single view than with most other 
models—and it can be used on your lap, mounted to a tripod, set 
on the hood of an automobile, etc., by Edmund Scientific, $149.95. 


Music on the Move 


Below: For sportsmen seeking music wherever they go, there's 
Stereopack, a portable three-and-one-half-pound cassette player 
housed in a padded-nylon pack that straps snugly to a skier, hiker 
or cyclist's chest, thus ensuring easy accessibility to the controls, 
maximum comfort, freedom of movement and balance control. 
(The unit's 9" x 5%” х 234".) By Astraltune, $185, with earphones. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARO IZUI 


FASHION. 


ADDING INTEREST 


ot so long ago, fashion accessories and other de- 

tails that added the final personalizing touches to 

clothes were geared to outrageously self-assertive 

statements. Pop art, op art, studs, fringe and em- 
broidery were used to excess, lest the point of hip emanci- 
pation be missed. 

Well, fashion has matured and so has male taste. Acces- 
sories and detailing have taken on more sophisticated form, 
often combined with functionalism and—occasionally—wit. 
Naturally, with the current mood of classicism in mens- 
wear, many of the familiar doodads of the past—tie clasps, 
cuff links and collar pins—will return, too. But as this is a 
postrevolutionary fashion period, we are seeing a much 
broader selection of items, all in line with the best trend in 
fashion to come out of the experimental, volatile Sixties— 
individuality. 


Even volume manufacturers of men’s jewelry, for exam- 
ple, have expanded their offerings to include designer 
lines, youth-oriented lines and other special categories. 
But the guy who understands fashion and truly likes clothes 
will expend a little extra effort in order to project his 
personal image. Such a guy can be seen browsing in 
antique stores for that special F.D.R. campaign button to 
wear on the lapel of his dove-gray-flannel double-breasted 
suit. Or he'll wear L. L. Bean hunting boots to the office 
with his designer sports outfit, because it looks right and 
feels right for him. 

In short, he doesn't follow the fashion dictates of any 
One person or any group. He uses fashion to express his 
own style. Here, then, are just a few such ideas—fresh 
touches that might stimulate your imagination and your 
pleasure in dressing — DAVID PLATT 


Clockwise from 12: Matching 
striped Shetland pullover, $40, 
scarf, $20, gloves, $10, and 
socks, $8.50, all by McGeorge 
for Bergdorf Goodman. Atop 


sweater, a sterling-silver 
Chinese box pendant and neck 
chain, by John A. Forrest, $75, 
sterling-silver bracelet with 
gold-filled keyhole clasp, by 


Destino for Christian Dior, $55, 
and East Indies ivory bracelets 
carved in the 18th Century from 
elephant tusks, by Bodines, 
about $95 each. Kid suede 
jacket with tunneled back 
pouch, epaulets and biswing 
back, by Peter Barton's Closet, 
about $380. Silk-lined wool 
scarf, by Laura Paprika, $24. 


Sterling-silver box/watch fob on 
а gold-filled chain, by M & J 
Savitt, $95. Acrylic knit terry- 
cloth pull-on slacks with draw- 
string waist and zip-off legs, by 
John McNamee for Visconi, 
about $60. Calfskin musketeer 
boots, which can be rolled, by 
Nancy Knox, about $100. Open 
fly brass buckle, by Hawker for 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MICHEL TCHEREVKOFF 


Danté, $6. Denim jeans with 
brothel-token accent piece, by 
Fiorucci, $38. Soft leather shoul- 
der bag with double outer 
pockets converts to wrist bag, 
by George Graham, $150. Wool 
melton blouson jacket with 
ribbed cuffs and waist and con- 
trast raised piping, by St. Lau- 
rent Rive Gauche for Men, $410. 


297 


GRAPEVINE 


VERNON L. SMITH 


Whooosh! 


Ah, youth! The lad pictured here 
is Jeff Tomberg, a 24-year-old boy 
wonder who skyrocketed from car- 
penter to West Coast president and 
executive vice-president of the Rob- 
ert Stigwood Organization (the 
company that brought you Tommy) 
in what seemed like minutes. 

Now Tornberg is the head of his 
own entertainment packaging com- 
pany—Jeff Tornberg Associates in 
Manhattan—and his latest project 
included raising $1,500,000 for the 
production of Andy Warhol's torth- 
coming flick Bad, the story of a 
Queens housewife (Carroll Baker) 
who runs an electrolysis business 
as a front for a ring of hit girls. 

And how do showbiz biggies re- 
act to Tornberg's one-man youth- 
quake? "The old-timers—the ones 
with 30 or 40 years in the business— 
are terrific,” he comments. “They 
want to let somebody else know 
what they've learned. That's why 
we're not back in vaudeville. It's 
the 28-year-old vice-presidents who 
throw up roadblocks.” 

With Bad about to be released 
and a Salvador Dali film next on the 
books, it's a sure bet that Jeff Torn- 
berg isn't about to grow up to be 
a 28-year-old vice-president, 


P. MICHAEL O'SULLIVAN 


Fare Enough 


“We've always done what we 
liked, and this time we wanted 
sophisticated elegance," says 
restaurateur Jerry Orzoff (right) 
as he and partner Rich Melman 
survey their latest venture, the 
reborn Pump Room in Chi- 
cago's Ambassador East Hotel. 
Once a famous hangout (espe- 
cially booth one, if you had the 
clout) for starlets and gossip 
columnists, the Pump Room 
had drifted into semiobscurity 
until it was given a subtle but 
substantial face lift by the en- 
terprising duo, and now the 
crowds are back. The Pump 
Room is quite a departure in 
style for the pair, whose first 
restaurant, R. J. Grunts (named 
after a friend of Orzoff's who 
did just that when she dined), 
has been packed with the hip 
and the hungry since it opened 
five years ago. In addition, their 
Lettuce Entertain You Enter- 
prises entertains Chicagoans at 
such places as Jonathan Living 
ston Seafood, Lawrence of 
Oregano, Fritz, That's It! and 
The Great Gritzbe's Flying Food 
Show. And what's in the future? 
“We're going to try a fast- 
food operation next," says Mel- 
man. Watch out, McDonald's! 


TOM ZUK 


GARY HEERY 


The Play’s the Thing 


One thing about Joseph Papp: He's never dull. 
When Papp took over the theaters in New York's Lin- 
coln Center in 1973, he announced he'd devote the 
Beaumont Theater there to works by new play- 
wrights. The following year, he switched in midsea- 
son to classics with guest stars. This past August, 
Papp abruptly announced that the 1976-1977 season 
at the Beaumont would begin not in the fall, as its 
16,000 subscribers expected, but in February. Why all 
the upheaval? "You've got to constantly re-evaluate, 
or you'll get in a rut,” Papp asserts. “You must have 
the audacity and courage to change regardless of 
what anybody says.” Some people have said plenty; 
but, observes Papp, “some people will complain 
about anything. At a funeral the other day, | heard a 
lady complaining about her seat: She had a poor 
view of the coffin.” 

His respite at the Beaumont will scarcely give Papp 
a vacation; he still has productions (including the hit 
musical Chorus Line) on Broadway, at the Public 
Theater off-Broadway and at Lincoln Center's Mitzi 
E. Newhouse Theater. He will, however, have more 
time to make plans: for an American classical theater 
company, for a better economic deal for playwrights 
and for Federal support of the arts. 

Through his New York Shakespeare Festival, Papp 
has inaugurated Playwrights on Payroll, an ingenious 
scheme to keep dramatists from starving in garrets. 
The idea is to pay playwrights a salary, thus making 
ihem eligible for Social Security, unemployment 
compensation, medical coverage—"the simplest 
benefits that any workingman gets. We're not asking 
for extra privileges, just the same privileges. After all, 
the arts are as important as garbage collection." 
There goes Papp, being controversial again. 


Shooting Stars 


You can't tell a book by its cover, 
but a record album is another 
story, especially if the jacket pho- 
tographs were taken by Norman 
Seeff. Hot Shots, a collection of 

| Seeff's portraits of rock stars, es- 
tablished him as a distinct talent. 
“My approach is real, not plastic. 1 
like to relax, establish trust-when 
people relax, they're inspired." 
Seeff's favorite tactic: killing a bot- 
| tle of Chivas Regal before a ses- 
sion. Whatever, he has an uncanny 
| knack for cutting through the pub- 
lic image and capturing people 
such as Ike and Tina Turner, James 
Taylor and Art Garfunkel as they 
really are. His subjects tend to re- 
turn and hang out at the studio, to 
| watch him work and to share a 
“human experience of knowing 
people.” Make you wish you had 
been there? Well, for the past 
seven years, Seeff has had film 
crews recording the sessions, He is 
now editing his home movies into 
a portrait of the process of selí- 
discovery. You may have caught 
an early cut of his unique film 
documentary on the Lily Tomlin 
People TV special early this fall. If 
not, keep your eyes open. 


BILL FRANTZ 


Breezin' to the Top 


George Benson de- 
fies categories. 
He is a Playboy 
Music Poll- 
winning jazz 
guitarist who 
doesn't smoke 
reefer or party all 
night. "I don't do 
drugs; why would 
anybody want me at 
a party?” He is too 
happy to play the blues, 
and with reason. His al- 
bum Breezin' sailed to the 
top of three separate charts 
(R&B, pop and jazz) and 
sold over 1,000000 copies 
(This Masquerade, a single 
from the album, also shot 
up to number one on the 
charts, and that cut features 
Benson as a singer, a not-in- 
considerable talent that's been 
overlooked by the jazz purists who 
dig him as an instrumentalist) 
Which should be evidence enough 
to prove that he is more than a 
jazz guitarist. The effects of suc- 
cess? "I’ve become a father figure. 
When people find you have that 
number-one thing, they look to 
you to solve their problems. You 
have to be a wizard." On guitar, 
the chart-busting Mr. Benson is. 


TRAVEL 


TORONTOS ON TO SOMETHING 


ight now, Toronto's Yorkville area is at the same 

critical stage of development as that of a young 

provincial sweetheart who's about to become a rich 

bitch. She's right on the cusp—get to know her 
before she makes it. Over the years, Yorkville has grown 
from a pretty village suburb to an inner-city, artsy-craftsy 
bohemia of jazz and folk clubs (Lonnie Johnson ran a 
night spot here, Buddy Tate jammed with friends, while 
Phil Ochs, Joni Mitchell and Gordon Lightfoot scribbled 
songs in the back alleys). In the Sixties, the area was a 
mother's nightmare of deflowerings, dope and demonstra- 
tions, whose youthful sinfulness was so infectious that 
newly elected Prime Minister Trudeau was photographed 
one night swinging by his hands from a lamppost. 

Yorkville has cooled out since then. Now it's four or five 
blocks of renovated Victoriana interlaced with courtyards, 
terraces and underground shopping complexes, a parade 
ground for peacock people expensively shopping, bar- and 
disco-hopping. The action revolves around the two main 
drags, Yorkville Avenue and Cumberland, in summer 
crowded with café society and handicrafts hawkers; in 
winter, still cozy and small-scale. The Yorkville ambience 


spills over into the University area, the Yonge Street Strip , 


and the several high-rise hotels that guard the borders. 
There are three in the immediate area: the Park Plaza 
(singles from $31, doubles from $39), a gracious old 
reliable; its younger sister, the Plaza II (singles from $32, 
doubles from $39); and, to the west, the Hyatt Regency, 
just your average supermodern deluxe tower (singles from 
$40; prices rise from there to the $300-a-night Regency 
Suite—tlton John's preferred pad when he's recording 
down the street). 

South of Yorkville and across Bloor Street (Toronto's 
Fifth Avenue) is a fourth hotel, the Windsor Arms, with a 
reputation for imaginative taste (brass beds, wicker, Orien- 
tal wallpapers, antiques) and intimacy. It also contains two 
of the best restaurants in Toronto: the Courtyard Café (a 
glassed dome over hanging gardens, original cuisine and 
a clientele of soigné socializers) and Three Small 
Rooms, whose superb food and compre- 
hensive wine list (from the good 
house Bordeaux at six dollars 
a bottle to Richbourg 
"71 for $75) 
have 


earned it "excellent" reviews from French and American 
critics. Noodles, a third restaurant under the same owner- 
ship, is a wild, Fellini-fluorescent trattoria where dinner 
for two with wine can be had for under $30. 

Yorkville is rich in restaurants. Just north of Noodles is 
Casse-Croute, an airy indoor garden serving crepes and 
salads; across Bay Street, Le Trou Normand serves superb 
northern French cuisine at good prices; Auberge Gavroche, 
another fine French restaurant, has a snooty but appealing 
entertainment lounge upstairs. There are also old reli- 
ables—Mister Tony's and L'Aiglon, for example—and real 
finds, such as the Garden of Allah (Middle Eastern) and the 
Walrus and the Carpenter (good seafood). That's York- 
ville’s charm: The glitter may be shallow, but it's fresh. 
Even the swingers’ stomping grounds are fairly low in hype 
and high in atmosphere. Fingers is the current favorite. 
Pacey but pricy ($50 for dinner for two), it features a 
Lenco-MclIntosh-Pioneer sound system, and the disco's d.j. 
paces you from Sinatra nostalgia to vanguard mating musi 
Fingers is often packed; so are the other centers of sexy 
sociability, the Hyatt Regency's S.R.O. bar, the Windsor 
Arms' Club 22, the Oyster Bar and Hy's. Past Hy's leather- 
and-chrome double doors are great steaks and great 
waitresses, appreciated by the clientele of mediamen, 
entrepreneurs and 20ish types sporting gold coke spoons 
in their chest hair. Then there's the Duke of York, a true 
English pub crowded with expatriate rugger-playing chaps 
swilling Watney's ($1.35) or draft (85 cents). Upstairs from 
the D of Y is yet another Yorkville gem, Glossops, an 
elegant little restaurant whose specialties include Duckling 
in Amaretto and páté-painted filet. 

Nighttime Yorkville is eating and drinking and dancing; 
alas, all the good jazz has moved downtown. Night and 
day, however, are equally good for people watching—local 
characters like Timmy the Mime, the street fiddler or 
Prince Monyo (whose phallus-decorated pad above his 
sculpture gallery was featured in Xaviera 
Hollander's flick, My Pleasure Is My Busi- 

ness). Yorkville is an art center: There 

are some great contemporary Canadian 
and international galleries (Marlbor- 
ough-Godard, Moos, Isaacs, Pollock, 
Morris), two Eskimo and native-arts 
galleries (Innuit and the Canadian 

Guild of Handicrafts, where you can 

also pick up beaded moccasins, 
pottery, soapstone carvings and 
weavings). Yorkville even boasts 

the Intercontinental Museum of 
Erotic Art—some of the prints 
and figurines are from the pri- 
vate collections of Hermann 

Goring and King Farouk. 

Which proves something, 
but we're not quite sure 
what. — VALERIE ROSS 


In addition to a dramatic 
skyline, top right, that in- 
cludes the CN Tower, 

the world’s tallest freestand- 
ing structure, Toronto has Yorkville, 

with shops such as Lovecraft, left, whose 
window displays giant plastic genitalia, and a rich 
variety of restaurants that go outdoors in warm weather. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY GEORGE HUNTER 


STICKING POINT 


How about acupuncture for a sexual tune-up? It's being 
used more and more to help people with sexual problems, 
because, its proponents say, it treats the whole individual, 
not just the problem. "It works on the body and the mind at 
the same time," says Dr. Robert M. Giller, an American M.D. 
who trained in Hong Kong and is a noted specialist in acu- 
puncture, “The body is full of electrical circuits. Acupuncture 
seems to help the body balance these circuits, which then 
balance the body's systems. When the systems are in sync 
again, your problem clears up.” Dr. Giller uses acupunc- 
ture to treat impotence, premature ejaculation, frigidity and 
infertility. If a man is worn out and run down, an acupunc- 
ture tune-up supposedly will bring his system back into 
alignment (rather like overhauling an engine) and im- 
prove blood flow and feeling in the genitals. The needles 
are not used on the sexual organs themselves but on the 
surrounding areas, such as stomach, sides, small of back 
and insides of thighs. 
According to Giller, this 
technique can be so ef- 
fective that within sev- 
eral months, a man 
should be so normal 
that his lover can't help 
but get the point. 


THE JOYS 
OF GINSENG 


At last, an aphrodisi- 
ac that works! We've 
all heard that story a 
million fallacies before. 
In fact, ginseng, one of 
the most commonly 
touted turn-ons, pro- 
vokes as much skepti- 
Cism as eroticism. But 
the latest word on this 
Oriental potion is that it may, after all, turn out to be le- 
gitimately stimulating. A team of Korean physiologists from 
Catholic Medical College in Seoul has studied the effect of 
ginseng on the mating behavior of male rats. The results 
show that rats injected with ginseng have a significantly 
higher rate of copulation than those of a control group 
injected with a simple saline solution. That’s all very 
well for rats; but as for humans, well, not enough is known 
about how the drug works. Or even where in the body 
it creates the desired zing. Until more is known, ginseng 
is probably best taken with the attitude that something 
delightful and unexpected may follow the swallow. 


CHEER OF FLYING 


Jet sex is definitely one of the 20th Century's greatest 
erotic fantasies. Just about everybody gets off on the idea 
of making love in an airplane. What is it about flying that 
makes us so horny? Dr. Paul Scholten, a San Francisco 
gynecologist who has written about airborne sexuality, 
explains it this way: “In an airplane, people feel a rush of 
exhilaration. They're free, they're on vacation and there's 
the excitement of being up above the clouds and released 
from earth-bound cares. The airlines encourage a sexy 
attitude by having the stewardesses wear clingy uniforms." 

Several stewardesses with whom we spoke agreed and 
added that the speed of the trip enhances the speed of 


SEXCETERA. 


the ensuing quickie. Trysting can take place anywhere—in 
bathrooms, under those blankets so thoughtfully provided 
by the airline or even in the back seats without any cover. 

All the airline executives we queried were extremely 
uptight about the subject, but crew members themselves 
told us they had become so blasé that they wouldn't inter- 
fere unless people tore off their clothes and put on a better 
show than the in-flight flick. 


LOLITA LEGALISTICS 


How many times have you held yourself back from 
lusting after an alluring lass of sweet not-yet 16 because 
you were afraid of the legal consequences? Well, like 
everything else concerning sex, the laws governing the age 
of consent may be in for re-evaluation. 

ludge Neil McKinnon of London's Old Bailey says that 
"to brand a man as a criminal merely because of age seems 
lo be wrong." Explaining his lenient decision in the trial of 


a young man of 22 who had sexual intercourse with a 
willing girl of 15, the judge called for "maturity" and not 
age to be considered in sex cases involving girls under 16. 

If the laws are eventually rewritten in Great Britain, they 
may well affect comparable statutes here in the U. S. 


SEMPER INFIDELIS 


"Darling, | have something to tell you that І think will 
please you enormously,” says the young wife brightly. 

"Oh, great; what is it, dear?" replies her husband, taking 
her hand. 

“I'm having an affair with your best friend, George.” 

“It's about time,” says he with a sigh of relief, pulling 
her into his arms to give her a congratulatory kiss. “Thank 
God. My friends were giving me hell about your fidelity.” 

Does this scenario sound strange? It shouldn't. It's be- 
Coming an increasingly common conversation between 
liberated couples, as sophisticated marriages adopt the ethic 
that 105 uncool not to be unfaithful. What with all the 
media publicizing open marriages and relaxed relation- 
ships, monogamy is beginning to feel like martyrdom. Do 
your trendier friends keep telling you that everyone—in- 
cluding wives—has the right to a random rut? Are you ready 
to be criticized by your friends because your wife is not 
having an affair? — HOWARD SMITH AND BRIAN VAN DER HORST 


ILLUSTRATION BY OAN CLYNE 


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COMING IN THE MONTHS AHEAD: 


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