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ENTERTAINMENT FOR МЕМ JANUARY 1977 • $2.00 


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pssst! Want to st 


the new year out right by reading a really 
fecelthy story? Then turn to page 115 and Erica Jong's The Rolls- 
Royce Love Affair, a funny tale about the further adventures 
of Isadora, the lady who merrily fornicated her way through the 
pages of Jong's best seller, Fear of Flying. Love Affair answers 
the ageold question: Can a nice Jewish girl from New York 
get her rocks off with a beautiful, wealthy Midwestern lady 
WASP—and vice versa? Our lips are sealed as to the outcome. 
definite ) But one things for sure, after 
reading The Rolls-Royce Love Affair, which is an excerpt from 
Jong’s forthcoming book. How to Save Your Own Life, to be 
published by Holt, Rinehart and Winston in the States and by 
Martin Secker & Warburg, Ltd. in nd, you'll never again 
be able to look at a bottle of Dom Pérignon champagne. 

OK, you can now wipe those knowing smiles off your faces 
and proceed to check another piece of excellent fiction, Evan 
Hunter's Sebastian the Cat. It’s a serious, reflective look at the 
de nd fall of a marriage, interwoven with an injury to the 
family felin 
Sebastian, 
praynoy. WI 
appellation F 
pleased to welcome back is National Book Award winner Isaac 
Bashevis Singer. His Mendel I Thought is a short, humorous 
portrait of an absentminded Yiddish youth in Warsaw who 
grew up to become you guessed it—an absent-minded proles- 
Sor. Suzanne Seed did the artwork and photography. 

While were plugging fiction, let's pause here and give a nice 
round of applause to our Fiction Editor, Robie Macauley, for 
some honors we think you ought to know about. Jesse Hill 
Ford's The Jail (March 1975) won the Mystery Writers of Amer- 
ica’s covered Edgar for the best mystery story of that year. The 
Analyst, by Evan Hunter (December 1974), cluded in 
The Best American Short Stones 1975. Paul Therouxs The 
Autumn. Dog (March 1976) will appear in Prize Stories 197 
The О. Henry Awards. Remember the excerpts we ran from 
Nicholas Meyers The West End Horror in April and May of 
1976? Well, Horror appeared on the New York Times best- 
seller list for 11 weeks and has—along with Falconer, by John 
Cheever (part of which appeared in our January 1976 issuc)— 
been bought by the movies. 

So what else is new? Coming up in 1977 is Full Many a 
Flower, a new football story by Irwin Shaw, whose Rich Man, 
Poor Man (excerpted in your favorite magazine) was a biggie of 
the 1976 TV season. Also look for: Oral History, a short s 

ica today by Nadine Gordimer; Loser Wins a 
The Tennis Court, wo Paul Theroux stories; 4 Party in Miami 
Beach, by Isaac Bashevis Singer: Bernstein in Mexico, by Gerald 
and Stages, by Herbert Gold. 
Is could talk, what would they say? Well, Mike McGrady 
knows and what he reports in The Motel Tapes (the first of a 
three-part series) will leave your cars smoking. On second 
thought, you'll have third-degree burns. McGrady is the chap 
who conceived of that best-selling porn send-up Naked Game 
the Stranger а few years back. The Motel Tapes are funny, sad. 
sexy mini passion play excerpts from his forthcoming book of 
the same title that’s soon to be published by Warner Books, Inc. 

Speaking of sex—and who isn te the excerpts in Touch Me, 
Feel Me . . . Spank Me, by Rosemarie Sentini (taken from her 
forthcoming Playboy Press book, The Secret Five: A New View 
of Women and Passion), are some of the most candid 
case studies we've ever read. They're straight from the mouths of 
women who, just a few years ago, were still thought of as the 
“weaker” sex. Santini dedicates Secret Fire to Colette, because 
she felt it wasn't necessary to believe in happiness in order to 
find life precious. We'll drink to that. But then, after reading 


xual 


PLAYBILL 


BRESLIN 


N 


Touch Me, Feel Me ‚ Spank Me, well drink to anything. 
While we're in a tippling mood, the name Jimmy Breslin 
springs to mind. Breslin’s been known to hoist a few in his day 
and this month, he chronicles the saga of McGuire's. a bar in 
Queens that couldn't make it with a straight clientele, so its 
owner, Johnny McGuire, decided to switch to the lavender 
mob. Now business is off the wall—along with the gay cabal- 
leros who frequent the place—and McGuire is known as the 
king of Queens. Paul Krasner. the publisher of The Realist, 
also has been called quite a few names. A charter member of 
the ivsallaconspiracy club, Krassner is especially qualified to 
expose The Parts Left Out of the Patty Hearst Trial. He 1014 
us that at one point he wrote in his courtroom notes, “Patty is 
now.” A week later, other testimony indicated that his 
instinct was correct. Krasner refers to this as “participatory 
j Pennsylvani list John O'Leary the circus- 
on illustration that accompanies Krassner's piece. 
ing Alex Holey as this month's interview subject is truly. 
ice, Haley was the man who conducted our very first 
Playboy Interview, back in September 1962 (the subject was 
Miles ). and several others since then. Now Alex is gar- 
nering critical bouquets as the author of the blockbuster best 
seller Roots. So whom do we assign to interview him? None 
other than Murrey Fisher, PLayBoy's ex—Assistant Managing 
Editor and the person who assigned and edited Haley's first and 


FISHER GREENBURG 


subsequent interviews. Who says turnabout isn’t fair play? 


Don Greenburg. as you probably know. is the special investigator 
who has done just about everything [rom casting dirty movies to 
round with ESP. This month, he attempts to get his 
head together once and for all in You Are What You Esl, a look 
into the teachings of Werner Erhard. And while we're on the 
subject of teaching, we recommend Art Buchweld's Illustrated 
Guide to Superb Tennis; you'll Icam something from the hi- 
larious coaching job cigar-chomping Buchwald docs on pro Кеп 
Rosewall. Your net game will never be the same. (Neither will 
your grip, backstroke ог serve.) 

Ever wonder what a Russian version of pLaysoy would be 
like? Ponder no longer, comrades, for a madcap band of 
PLAYBOY staffers, including Associate Editor John Blumenthal, 
Photographers Bill Arsenault and Dwight Hooker, Associate Art 
Director ten Willis and Photography Stylist Bill Drendel, teamed. 
up with John Hughes, the author of Weakness (May 1976), to 
bring you The Russian Playboy, a parody of what rrAvnov 
might look like if the Russkies got their mius on it. And you'd 
better laugh, comrade. That last order, incidentally, also pertains 
10 Judith Wex's 
10 another Jahn Blumenthal crea 
(illustrated by Bob Post), the 
S: the BASE most resou: 


nnual feature That Was the Year That Was and 


п. Great Comeback Lines 
latter being a roundup of 50 or so 
g putdowns in 


Dorothy K 

Don't quit now, folk 
ity Brock Yates checks oi 
sensible city use 
driving 


Churchill 

s much, much more. Ca 
automobiles that are small enough for 
yet quick and stable enough for high: 
1 The City Car Comes of Age—with sm: work 
by Martin Hoffman. Senior Articles Editor Laurence Gonzales 
brings you a chilling interview with Mr. Death, a man who for 
20 years built assa m devices for the CIA. (Try to settle 
down for a long winte ing that.) Then there's 
Robert l. Green's Guiding Lights (with photography by Art Coshin), 
in which five of the fashion industry's foremost. designers show- 
case their one-of-a-kind menswear creations. Emanuel Greenberg 
serves up some relie for post-New Years Eve revelers i 
Morning Glories! ks laced with a generous shot or 
two of the hair of the dog; we take a steamy look at scenes from 
a bizarre new flick. Spermula; ғълувоу Photog 
Poser introduces you to lovely Pi 
our annual Wuting Awards, Eleventh-Hour Santa gift guide, 
Playmate Review and other nifty features too numerous to 
HOFFMAN GREEN CASHIN mention. As the song goes, "Who could ask for anything more?” 


coffee d 


PLAYBOY, JANUARY. 1977, VOL. 24, то. А PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY PLAYBOY. IN NATIONAL AND REGIONAL EDITIONS. pLarsor miDG. эт» M. MICHIGAN AYE.. ( 
EACE FIO AT CRGO. ILL. AND AT ADDL. MAILING OFFICES. SUBSCRIPTIONS, IN THE U. S., $42 FOR ONE YEAR. POSTMASTER: SEND FORM 3378 TO PLAYBOY, ғ. O BOK 2420, BOULDER, COLO. 10308, 


What better way to ring in the 
holidays апа express the 
Spirit of friendship than with 
the gift of rare taste. 
A Christmas tradition 
for almost 100 years. 


ке Proof Blended Scotch Whisky ©1976 Paddington Corp., N.Y. 


PLAYBOY. 


vol. 24, no. 1—january, 1977 CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 
PLAYBILL .. 3 
DEAR PLAYBOY 13 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOUR rc o rn ооо g g ло 19 
BOOKS 22 
Vintage thrillers, a blah Houdini biography and a dandy Conan Doyle one 
reviewed, along with an insightful volume on TV; gift-book ideas. 
(NUES, sac +00 e 088.362 09 жеар Лы ad ды dar ae Jane sad 28 
A ride on American Flyer; Shepp-shaped soun: у Cooder interpreted; discs 
Cot Tale to buy—and give—for the holidays. 
EXOTICAD n ee e o ale erlag aie a AiE N 33 
How to get pregnant in Afghanistan. 
IMOVIESg Pe 34 
Rocky scores a knockout; Lord О! ly Chayefsky talks. 
SELECTED SHORTS 
AGAINST COEDUCATION .................. DOTSON RADER 40 
Our author postulates that coeducation is a failure because the girls are 


For-out Flick . smarter than the boys. 


THE RIGHT TO ARMS . 
Toke away a man’s weapon ani 


EDWARD ABBEY 41 
you take away the ultimate form of protest. 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR . 43 

THE PLAYBOY FORUM . 47 

PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: ALEX HALEY—candid conversation .......... 57 
The author of Roots tells the fascinating story behind the book. 

THE MOTEL TAPES—part one of anew book ........ MIKE McGRADY 80 


Conversations overheard in a single motel room over the course of a year that 
result in funny, sad, sexy stories in dialog form about life in America. 


МАТОРАГІЕІСНрівова 8 85 
Back in May of 1973, we гап d pictorial called “Indian,” featuring Barbara 
Leigh. Here's a second helping. 

THE PARTS LEFT OUT OF THE 

PATTY HEARST TRIAL—article ................... PAUL KRASSNER 94 


The publisher of The Realist, pioneer Yippie and charter member of the ts. All. 
a-Conspiracy Club, sheds some weird light on the Hearst carnival. 


THE ELEVENTH-HOUR SANTA—gifts 
When you're running out of time, а few helpful hints can save minutes. 


GREAT COMEBACK LINES—humor ...........- JOHN BLUMENTHAL 101 


Fifty zinging retorts delivered by the likes of Dorothy Parker, Mark Twain, 
Winston Churchill and many others. 


SPERMULA—pictoricl .................. bügaspdegotéscoss Boss UGE 
Scenes from an odd new French porno film. 


! YOU ARE WHAT YOU EST—article ...... DAN GREENBURG 109 
ас (is) After experiencing it all, cur special investigator isn't quite sure what to make 
Russkies’ Playboy of our currently most fashionable mind-bending operation. 


GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY BUILDING. 919 NORTH MICHIGAN AVE.. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS BOSIN- RETURN POSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY ALL MANUSCRIPTS, DRAWINGS AND PHOTOGRAPHS SUBMITTED 
ir THEY ANE TO St RETURNED AND NO RESPONSIBILITY CAN DE ASSUMED FOR UNSOLICITED MATERIALS. ALL RIGHTS IN LETTERS SENT TO PLAYBOY WILL DE TREATED AS UNCONDITION- 
ALLY ASSIGNED FOR PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHT PURPOSES AND AS SUBJECT TO PLAYBOY'S UNRESTRICTED MIGHT TO EDIT ANO TO CONMENT EDITORIALLY. CONTENTS COPYRIGHT © 1876 BY 
TLATBOY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PLAYBOY AND RABBIT HEAD SYMBOL ARE MARKS OF PLAYBOY, REGISTERED . MARQUE DEFOSEE, NOTHING MAY BE 

WHITTEN PERMISSION FROR THE PUBLISHER. ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE FIOPLE AND PLACÉS IN THE FICTION AND SEMIFICTION IN THIS MAGAZINE 


AND ANT REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL, CREOITS: COVER: COLLAGE By GEATHICE DONOVAN, PHOTOGRAPHED BY RICHARD FEGLEY. OTHER PHOTOG 


COVER STORY 

This month's cover features one of our favorite old stand-bys, the Rabbit collage. The 
Rabbit, designed and constructed by Bea Donovan, is actually only nine inches tall and the 
whole set, including couch and picture frames, is done in miniature. In the past, 
we've featured the Rabbit with only ane pair of high-heeled shoes or nylons beside him, 
implying the unseen presence of but one female. This year, in light of changing 
times, we've added to that situation somewhat. 


THAT WAS THE YEAR THAT WAS—humor rtr JUDITH WAX 112 
A few satiric verses on the folks who brought you 1976. 
THE ROLLS-ROYCE LOVE AFFAIR—fiction . . „ERICA JONG 115 


A steamy hunk from the new novel by the author of Fear of Flying. 


THE SUNSHINE KID— playboy's playmate of the month............. 116 
Skiing is Susan Kiger's number-one passion—well, maybe number-two passion. 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY 1)ОКЕ$5—һитог..........................- 128 
MR. DEATH—article . .. . LAURENCE GONZALES 130 
An exclusive story of a man who built assassination devices for the CIA. 
GUIDING LIGHTS—attire ...................... ROBERT L. GREEN 133 
Clothes you might be seeing in the future, specially designed for PLAYBOY. 
MENDEL | THOUGHT—fiction . „ISAAC BASHEVIS SINGER 139 


An unforgettable word picture of on absent-minded friend. 


TOUCH ME, FEEL ME... 

SPANK ME—from the new book ........... . ROSEMARIE SANTINI 141 
A female interviewer gels women to say the most astonishingly intimate things 
about their sexual experiences. 


Rolls-Royce Affair 


THE CITY CAR COMES OF AGE—modern living . BROCK YATES 147 
Want a car that can adapt to rush-hour joms and the open road? Read this. 

McGUIRE'S—article ................. E -JIMMY BRESLIN 153 
A retired cop, gambler and saloonkeeper converts his place into с gay bar. 

PLAYBOY'S PLAYMATE REVIEW—pictorial ...................-.. 155 
A roundup of the past delightful dozen. 

THE VARGAS GIRL—pictarial .................. ALBERTO VARGAS 166 

THE PREGNANT ALDERMAN—ribald classe GEORG WICKRAM 167 

Weopons Man 

BLANKET APPROVAL—attire . .......................... access 10 
New look for а familior favorite in winter outdoor wear. 

THE RUSSIAN PLAYBOY— parody . So so 14] 
What our magozine would lock like if the Russkies put. out on edition. 

SEBASTIAN THE CAT—fiction ...... .EVAN HUNTER 179 


A poignant story about marriage, an fan and the death of a cat. 


ART BUCHWALD'S ILLUSTRATED GUIDE 


TO SUPERB TENNIS—humor . „АКТ BUCHWALD 181 


Learn the gome from an old master. ra 
MORNING GLORIES!—drink .......... . .. EMANUEL GREENBERG 185 = 

A little hair of the dog — plus coffee—can take you a long, long way. 
PLAYBOY'S ANNUAL WRITING AWARDS ........... . 186 


Announcing the year's prize-winning authors and their contributions. 
LITTLE ANNIE FANNY— satire . . . HARVEY KURTZMAN and WILL ELDER 189 


Talking Room . 80 


DIXON AND GRANT EDWARDS, P. 155, GRANT EDWARDS 
A; Мац икин, P. 4 (2); бшу HOOKER, P. 171. 14-177; RICHARD HOWARD саня з, P. 3: NEL 
SURE RANDALL, P. P MATHY MEHLAND, P- 3: VERNON k. dent. P. 9 4. fan: О DRORY CAMERA S, 
36; ALEAAS URAA, P. 4, BARON WOLMAN, P. 3; TOM ZUN, P. 4. f. 169, NAIR BY LUCIANO IND Wi Y BOBBE JOY: P. 172, ILLUSTRATIONZ BY EXALDO CARUGATI AND PAT NASEL 


PLAYBOY 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor and publisher 


NAT LEHRMAN associate publisher 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director. 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 
SHELDON WAX managing editor 
GARY COLE photography editor 


С. BARRY GOLSON assistant managing editor 


EDITORIAL 


ARTICLES: LAURENCE GONZALES, PETER ROSS 
RANGE senior edilors . FICTION: ROBIE 


TER SUMLETTE assistant editors = SE 
FEATURES: TOM OWEN modern living editor; 
олмр rarr fashion editor; THOMAS MARIO 
food & drink editor « CARTOONS: MICHELLE 
nn editor « COPY: ARLENE BOURAS editor, 

N assistant editor « STAFF: WILLIAM. 
, GRETCHEN MC NEESE, ROBERT SHEA, 


SUSAN HEISLER, КАТЕ 
NOLAN, KAREN PADDERUD, TOM PASSAVANT ve. 
search editors; J. F. O'CONNOR, ED WALKER 
assistant editors; DAVID BUTLER, MURRAY FISH- 
Ek, ROBERT L. GREEN, NAT HENTOFF, ANSON 
MOUNT, RICHARD RHODES, JEAN SHEPHERD, 
ROBERT SHERRILL, BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies), 
JOHN skow contributing editors 


ART 


TOM STAFRLER, KERIG POPE si 
пов POST, ROY MOODY, LEN м CHET як 
NORM SCHAEFER associale directors; JOSEPH 
PACZEK assistant director; VICTOR HUBBARD, 
JOY HILDRETH, BETH KASIK arf assistant 
raffic coordination; BARBARA HOFFMAN 
istrative assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 


MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; BILL 
ARSLNAULT, JANICE MOSES associate editors; 
HOLLIS WAYNE new york editor; RICHARD 
FEGLEY, RICHARD 141; POMPEO POSAR staff 
photographers; DON AZUMA, DAVID CHAN, 
PHILLIP DIXON, DWIGHT HOOKER, R, SCOTT 
HOOPER, KEN MARCUS, ALEXAS URBA contrib: 
uting Photographers; вил. FRANTZ associat 
photographer; PATTY BEAUDET, MICHAEL 
BERRY assistant editors; JAMES WARD color 
lab supervisor; ROBERT chELIUS administra- 
tive editor 


ior directors; 


PRODUCTION 


JOHN MASTRO director; ALLEN VARGO man- 
lager; ELEANORE WAGNER, MARIA MANDIS, 
NANCY SIEGEL, RICHARD QUARTAROLI assistants 


READER SERVICE 
JANE SCHOEN manager 


CIRCULATION 


REN GOLDBERG director of newsstand sales; 
ALVIN WIEMOLD subscription manager 


ADVERTISING 
HENRY W. MARKS advertising director 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
kD м. КОРЕ business manager; PATRICIA 
15 administrative editor; ROSE JEN- 
Nixes rights & permissions manag 
ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
DERICK J. DANIELS president; RICHARD S. 
KOSENZWEIG executive vice-president, pub- 
lishing group 


White rum martini 


Instead of marching to the 
same old tune and mixing your 
martini with gin or vodka, strike 
an original note and make yours 
a white rum martini 

There's enough in common 
between all three martinis to 
make the transition to white rum 
an easy one. And there's enough 
difference to make the change 
worthwhile. 

White rum from Puerto Rico 
has a distinctive smoothness that 
sets it apart from gin and vodka. 


For free "White Rum Classi 
Dept. P-27, 1290 Avenue of th 


a 
E. in ot Puerto Rico 


That's because every drop of white 
rum is required by Puerto Rican 
law to age for at least a year. 

White rum exerts its civilizing 
influence on all of your favorite 
mixers, smoothing out every drink 
from the screwdriver to the gimlet 
No wonder 84% of all the rum 
sold in the U.S. comes from 
Puerto Rico. 

Mix your nextmartini with white 
rum. It's a great way to 
make music together. 

PUERTO RICAN RUMS 


recipes. write: Puerto Rican Rums 
егісав. N.Y., NY. 10019 


Awhole generation de 


million cars later, there's a 


whole new generation of Volks- 
grew Up wt .  wagens. The 1977 Rabbit, Dasher, and 


Scirocco. Three of the most remarkoble cars 


ever built, these Volkswagens feature highly ad- 
A now, vanced engineering. Such as fuel-injection. Front-wheel 
өөө drive. Front-cisc brakes. And precise rack-and-pinion steering. 
In economy, they're everything you would expect from Volks- 
wagen. All three get 24 MPG in the city. Rabbit and Scirocco get 
37 MPG on the highway, Dasher gets 36. (EPA estimates with standard 
transmission. Actual mileage depends on how and where you drive, 
optional equipment, and the car's condition.) 


= Dasher. Our sensible luxury car. 
1 Its the first elegant automobile to come along with all the virtues of a 
| 1 uf Volkswagen. Conservative on the exterior. Extravagant on the interior. 
x ES With plush upholstery. Fully reclining seats. Rich 
gi 
i 


1 carpeting. And even a quartz-crystal clock. 
- In performance. it can travel from О to 50 

in only 80 seconds. In safety, the 
Mif , Dasher has dual-diagonal brak- 
p ing circuits and negative steering 
roll radius—which helps maintain direc- 
tional stability in the event of a front tire blow- 
out. What's more, the 


- Dasher is available 
NN awagon as well 
as a sedan. 


Rabbit. Hailed by 

automotive experts 

as the specific kind of 

car Detroit will be building in the 

1980's. Six years in the making. that 
coris ready now. when America needs 

it. Small outside. Big inside. With the rear 
seat folded down, ithas more trunk space 
than some American cars twice its size. 
And from 0 to 60, it will out-accelerate a 
Jaguar -L Room. Performance. Econ- 
[9] I's more Volkswagen than you've 
ever had before. 


1 of Volkswagens 
ion of Americans. 


Scirocco. Its the Volkswagen that people can't question about Volkswagen's qualifications on the 
believe is a Volkswagen. It looks like an Italian гасе track, let it be known that Scirocco just won 
sportscar because Italys famous Giugiaro de- the 1976 Trans Am Manufacturers Championship 
signed it. And it performs like a German sportscar for cars under two liters. 
because it has a powerful fuel- The 1977 Rabbit, Dasher, and Scirocco. 
injected overhead cam en- Awholenewgeneration. 
gine, standard radial tires, Because times have с! 
and a unique suspension America. 
system for incredible han- And so have 


dling. feverthere was any Volkswagens. La 
авт 


a Filter 
м a Kings, 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


Gsawıco. PEN 5 y j i „ -3 mg. nicotine; Longs, 17 mg. "tar." J. 2 mg. nicotine, av. ee FIC Repo Apr. 75 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


EB озне рилувоу MAGAZINE - PLAYBOY BUILDING, 919 N. MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 Way To Show 


ROONES PLATOONS 

I thoroughly enjoyed your October in- 
terview with Roone Arledge, whom I 
have known since I hosted a network 
show for ABC in 1967. His success is well 
deserved. Incidentally, although my show 
(Good Company) was a ratings bust it 
was fun—particularly one roving inter- 
view with Hef at the Chicago Mansion 
Trouble was. it took us 16 hours to get 
24 minutes of airable video tape. Seems 
the crew kept getting los 
F Lee Bailey 
Marshfield, Massachusetts 


As an avid sports fan, I appreciated 
your interview with Arledge. We Cana 
dians had a choice of watching the 
Olympics on our stateowned television 
network, the CBC, or on ABC. I chose 
ABC. My thanks also to Arledge lor 
his comments in regard to Prime М 
ister Trudeau's stand on the Taiwan 
issue. Right on, Roone! 

James Lush 
London, Ontario 


the most 
ive person 


Roone Arledge is pro 
brilliant, creative and 
in all of television. 

Arvin Kaufman 
Beverly Hills, Са 


ABC could not pay Arledge enough 
tor what he has brought to American 
television. 


Sp/4 Hany Hale 
APO New York, New York 


Arledge has largely determined the 
merican concept of the Olympic Games. 
or both Munich and Montreal, it was 
evidently decided that certain sports 
would receive no coverage. Announcers 
often reiterated that there were things that 
couldn't be shown for lack of time. There 
was time, however, for many useless 
mavelog bits on the night dubs, restau- 
rants, boutiques and fashion shops of Mon- 
пед d, ABC should have shown the 
gold-medal performances in every event. 
Albert Manley 
Portland, Oregon 


Inst 


Those pioncering days of ABC Televi- 
sion sports cove were tremendously 
exciting. Arledge came onto the scene 
as a genuine, young Renaissance man, 


determined to use every facet of the 
arts in bringing television sports alive. 
Our conversations in those days were 
laced with terms (common now but not 
then) such as immediacy, uptight, person 
alized. intimate, focused sound, point of 
view, Irceze frame, replay. perspective, 
«с. Our determination was not merely to 
modify sports coverage but. indeed, to 
revolutionize it. Roone is undoubtedly 
the best line producer sports has known 
Not only is he innovative, with a com- 
plete grasp of the medium and its pote 
tial, but he is willing to be responsible for 
and take the calculated risk to get the 
story of the event. 

Robert Trachinger, Director 

ABC-TV Broadcast Operations 


Hollywood, California 


Sports may be, as he put it, trivial, but 
Arledge clearly is not. Thank you for 
the all-too-brief glimpse of this fascinat- 
ing man. 


Richard L. Robinson 
San Diego. California 


Thanks to Sam Merrill, Roone Arledge 
comes in first ag 


'eierick Gregory 
ll River, Massachusetts 


Regarding Arledge’s comments on Na- 
dia Comaneci’s perfect tens: Judging а 
gymnast or a diver—or a dog, for that 
matter—is a subjective thing. Each judge 
has а mental image of what, to him, is 
perfection, Once a contestant comes 
along who matches that image, he must 
in good conscience award a perfect score. 
If, later on, someone surpasses that. per- 
formance, then the judge's concept of 
perfection must change and the standard 
thus becomes higher 


Robert E. True 
Newark. Califor 


Sports wouldn't be wha 

without Roone Arledge. 
Rudy Charpentier 
Brownsburg, Quebec 


they are today 


REVIEW PANNED 

The simple hole who reviewed Now 
Playing at Canterbury (Playboy 
Hours, October) should have penicillin 
jected into his brain with an 18-gauge 
needle or have his gonads kicked into 


JANUARY, 1977, VOLUME 24, HUMBER V 


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13 


PLAYBOY 


м 


passages—or both. Not only did 
he malign Vance Bourjaily, one of our bet- 
ter novelists, but he also made a tasteless 
crack about the Iowa Writers’ Workshop. 
A list of former students and faculty 
should be given то him: for one thing, he 
would find included one of the contrib: 
шогу to a recent issue of PLAYBOY, А seri- 
ous novelist deserves better than to be 
left to the devices of a cheap-shot review. 
er who strains for cuteness without exam- 
ining the novelist's intentions. 

Ы Donald Purviance 
Towa City, Iowa 


HAILING HALEY 
Alex Haley's Коо: The Mixing of the 
Blood (рълувот, October) is a very mov 
ing t upsetting story. If 
more whites would read such articles, per- 
haps we would have less trouble under- 
standing black anger and coping with it 
Layn Stewart 
Arlington, T. 


and somewh 


I was quite impressed by Roots. 1 much 


prefer this type of straightforward, his 
torical fiction to some of the rather 
meaningless gibberish you are prone 10 


publish 
Mrs. Phyllis J. Albrecht 
Sterling, Virginia 


My prediction is that Alex Haley will 
get the National Book Award for Roots. 
Sam Donaldson 

Salinas, Californiz 


Iller reading 
I ran out and bought the book. ИЗ 
destined to be 


your excerpt of Rools, 


Peter Rush 
Baltimore, Maryland 


Haley's book will be acclaimed by the 
nation, both black and white. 
] ie C. Hawkins 
Quincy, Illinois 

In case you haven't already noticed, 
this month's “Playboy Interview” is with 
Alex Haley, who talks at length about 
the arduous research that went into 
“Roots.” 


STUDENT UNIONS 
Thanks for What's Really Happening 
оп Campus (PLAYBoY. October). As а stu- 
dent at Michigan Tech, hundreds of 
miles from any civilization, I really һай 
to be convinced th 
activity at college. You have to und 
siand that this school specializes in tr 
ing scientists and, unfortunately 
the female students bear a striking re- 
semblance to Albert Einstein. If you had 
included a bottom 25, I'm sure Mich 
Tech would have topped the list. 
Tom Lane 
Houghton, Michi 


Having just graduated from Duke Uni 
versity, 1 feel justly proud that you rate 
Duke as the numberseven party school 


in the nation. When my dass entered 
Duke as freshmen in the fall of 1972, it 
certainly was not known as a party 
school. It was only as a result of much hard 
work and perseverance that the class of 
76 was able to obtain such a lofty rating. 
(Name and address 
withheld by request) 
Hold your hores, there, fella. Our 
chart merely reports a cross section of 
schools in the country. Just because Duke 
appears as number seven does not mean 
Duke is the seventh-best party school in 
the nation. It means only that Duke is 
in about the top third of party schools in 
the nation. 


SPORTS’ NEWS 
I thought you'd be imeresied to know 
that Laura Blears Ching of Hawaii will 
compete for her third consecutive year in 
the ABC Sports special The Women 
Superstars, in January 
Lord James Blears 
Waianae, Hawaii 
If Laura is in as fine form as she was 
when we featured her in our July 1975 


pictorial “Super Surfer!" (from which the 
above photo is an outtake), she ought to 
take first place. 


PORN-TRIAL VERDICTS 
ird Rhodes's “Deep Throat" Goes 
Down in Memphis (PLAYBOY, October) i 
the best article I have ever read on the 
issue. It was obviously well researched and 
contains 2 wealth of information on the 
subject. As a journalist working in a 
small city, I often see the issue of obsce 
ity crop up. After reading Rhodes arti- 
de, 1 feel I can more clearly understand 
the other side of the coin. 

Thomas Westbury 

Beaufort, South Carolina 


is 


ticle on the Memphis trials 
plications for тапу 
ticularly 


Rhodes's 
frightening i 
people, in a general way, but pz 


for those in the movie industry and in 
the other arts. My wife and I are models 
for professional artists. Do the Memphis 
trials mean that we could be tied for 
conspiracy because those artists for whom 
we model decide to have a show in an- 
other state and some yokel there decides 
it’s obscene? We're proud of the services 
we offer, How long will we be free to 
perform them? 


John Lamont 
Newtown, Connecticut 


The Deep Throat wial seems to be 
digging up the dead body of censorship 
10 once again excite the people into al- 
lowing a little step to be taken toward 
having their minds controlled by others. 
1 am not at all surprised to read that Par- 
rish would “rather see dope on the streets 
than pornography"—it is easier to control 
all the addicts in the world than a single 
thought. If Harry Reems should be made 
a martyr and go to prison. there would 
be such an outcry of rage at such cra. 
ness that the law against censorship would 
have to be redefined and the right to 
be the keeper of one’s own mind would 
be returned to the people. 

Candy Cla 


Albuquerque, New Mexico 
Candy Clark is an actress who co-starred 
Who 


with David Bowie in "The Man 
Fell to Earth.” 


Th 
written to protect all the rights of 
people all the time, not at the pl 
ol some doddering old judge in Memp 
This ruling affects me as a po 
more than most people, as I may have to 
try to enforce it someday in my job. I 
hope to hell that I never have to. I could 
not enforce it with a clear consciena 
(Name and address 
withheld by request) 


Constitution 


U. S. Attorney Larry Parrish may be a 
zealot, but the man did his duty. which is 
more than I can say for many others of 
his position in other parts of the country 

Seymour Colodny 
mi Beach, Florida 


My congratulations to PLaynoy for its 
sustained exposé of the truly sick mem- 
bers of our society. You fight with the best 
weapons possible: ideas. You fight with the 
best possible technique: exposure of 


the facts. You fight for my freedon 
the freedom of everyone else who wa 
to run his own life. I sincerely thank you. 


Dennis Riness 
Seal Beach. Californ 


Please, please don't allow Larry Par- 
rish to take my PLAYBOY away from me! 
(Name withheld by request) 
Madison Heights, Michigan 
BASEBALL CARDS 


Your Collectors Item pictorial 
(rrAvBov, October) is the sexiest you've 


Thinking about sound movies? 


Listen to the 
Sound of Experience. 


ДЕ! 


PLAYBOY 


16 


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ever done. There's something about a 
woman out of uniform, 


Paul Tyler 
Roanoke, Virginia 


Shortstop Edna “Knockers” Knutsen 
deserves better than merely the face of a 
bubble-gum card! Let’s see her whole 
game plan! 

Dr. Sam Pesner 
EI Toro, California 


Would you show a full-length picture 
of Edna “Knockers” Knutsen for my hus- 
band, who loves her boobs? 

Mrs. Arlis Gomoll 
Toledo, Ohio 
Heres Edna in 


All right, alread 


action. Notice how well she handle: 


her equipment. 


NO CANDY RAPPERS 
Gael Greene's Blue Skies, No Candy 
(rLAvmov, October) is the best piece of 
erotic writing I've ever read anywhere. 
Hal Peterson 
Albany, New York 


Not only is Gael Greene an extremely 
sensuous person, she's also an extremely 
gifted writer. 

Lester Marx 

Mountain View, California 


I always thought PLAYBOY was above 
publishing trash like that. 
Cy Hanson 
Ames, Iowa 


Blue Skies, No Candy really turned 
me on. 
Ervin Rommel 
Green Bay, Wisconsin 


THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE 

Re “Kris & Barbra & Jon & Pandemoni- 
um" in October's Grapevine: Apparently, 
"asshole" is one of Barbra Streisand's 


favorite appellations. I had a small speak- 
ing part opposite her in thc filming of 4 
Star Is Born. She and I were discussing the 
character I played. I said 1 thought he wa 
a hypocrite. Barbra replied. "No. he 
asshole." I must say she has a quality I 
admire—she is utterly candid. 

Hal Starr 

Phoenix, Arizona 


BUNNY TALE 
Re Bunnies of '76 (rLayuoy, October): 
Barbara Patterson and Jennifer Edl of 
the Phoenix Playboy Club would make 
exceptional Playmates. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Ogden, Utah 
You'll be seeing more of Jennifer Edl 
in an upcoming issue. 


EDITORIAL SLANT 

I would like to commend LA for 
its editorials on The Nixon Legacy. Part 
IV (rLAYpov, October) is of great interest 
1o me, because I, too, have fallen victim 
to the ever-increasing, illegal, warrantless 
s. If the people don't 


searches and seizu 
take action soon, our constitutional rights 
will only be read of in the 

Ra 


Marietta, Georgia 


CHOICE CUTS 
Tom Passavant’s Who Says We Don't 
Have a Real Choice? (rLaxwov, October) 
is hysterically funny. Truth is, indeed, 
stranger than fiction. 
Lawrence Johnson 
Indianapolis, Indiana 


Are those people for r 
Bill Turner 
Atlantic City, New Jersey 
Yes. 


ODDS-ON FAVORITE 
The Mikolas Method (pLaysov, Octo- 
ber), by Lawrence Linderman, makes a 
lot of sense. My thanks to pLavnoy for 
sharing it with us. 
Curt Winnow 
St. Petersburg, Florida 


Sounds like a crock to me. 
Lefty Carruthers 
Hackensack, New Jersey 


GETTING TREKNICAL 
In regard to your September Grape- 
vine (Playboy, On the Scene), in which 
you refer to Star Trek fans as "trekkies" 
The hundreds of thousands of Star Tr 
fans do not like being called trekki 
The proper term is trekkers. The former 
seems to imply an exclusively young mem- 
bership, which is not the case. Moreover, 
most trekkers are not groupies but serious 
students of the Star Trek phenomenon. 
Don Wigal, Editor 
Star Tick Fan Glubs Magazine 
New York, New York 


The Good Life: 
Live It, Give It (Ог Both) 
Witha Playboy Club Key 


Order a Playboy Club Key and You'll Get the Good Life with It. 
In 8 Important Ways. 


6. The Good Life: It's Two Dining as Cheaply as One. 
Get a Playboy Club Key and you'll get Playboy Preferred 
treatment—two entrees for the price of one—in top res- 
taurants in any city where the program is available. (Right 
now New York, Chicago and Cincinnati; soon in Balti- 
more and St. Louis.) All you need is your Playboy Club. 
Key and the Playboy Preferred Passbook for the city 
that you're in. You'll get those Passbooks at the 
Playboy Club just by presenting your Key. 


1. The Good Life: It's Great Food and Drink. 
You'll find both at all Playboy Clubs. Lavish and 
delicious food. Generous, spirited drink. 


2. The Good Life: It's Exciting Entertainment. 
Entertainment excitement happens at every 
Playboy Club. News-making revues like Peter 
Jackson's Pouff end Oops! Stars at the top. 
And stars on the rise. You'll find entertain- 
ment to delight you at every Playboy Club. 


T. The Good Life: It's Getting the Best for Less. 
_ Your Key helps you here, too. For your Key is 
your credential for the use of Comp-U-Card™ 
It's a toll-free telephone discount shopping 
service that can save you hundreds, even 
thousands of dollars on quality merchan- 
dise—everything from cars to carpeting, 
Stereos to C.B.s, cameras to couches. 
And it's built right into your Key. 


3. The Good Life: It's Glamorous Women. 
And who's more glamorous than а Bunny? 
You'll be surrounded by beautiful, pam- 
pering Bunnies every time you visit a 
Playboy Club. 


4. The Good Life: It's Getting Away 
and Getting it All. 

You can. And at а discount when 
you have a Playboy Club Key. 
You'll get a 10% discount on 
room rates at Playboy's country 
places—the Playboy Resort 

& Country Clubs al Great 
Gorge in New Jersey and 

Lake Geneva in Wisconsin. 
(And right now you can ski 
Playboy-style at both.) Апа а! 
Playboy's island place, the 
Playboy Resort at Ocho Rios, 
Jamaica, where the sun tans all 
year round. And at Playboy's city 
place, Playboy Towers, located 
on Chicago's Gold Coast. 


8. The Good Life: It's a Happy Surprise. 
You'll be happily surprised by what your 
Playboy Club Key can get you. Good-life 
goodies like the Budget Rent a Car Favored 
Saver card. Or Keyholders’ Specials offered 
in the Club. Discounts, contests, special 
events. (Specials vary from Club to Club.) 
We could tell you more, but what's life with- 
ош a few surprises? Just stop in at the Club, 
and we'll let you in on what's coming up. 


Get in on the Playboy Good Life Now. 

Order your Key today. It's just $25 for the first year. 

You'll get admission to The Playboy Club and all 
the benefits above for a whole year. 


Send no money. 
We'll bill you later. Or you may charge your Key 
to one of five major credit cards. 


5. The Good Life: Your 
Favorite Magazines. 

PLAYBOY or ои, of course. And 
one of them is yours each month 


(through the year covered by your — чучеш. 
Key). All you have to do to get either [патот cuves INTERNATIONAL, INC. =| CAN'T WAIT? 
one is show your Key monthly at | Boulder, colorado 80301 GET QUICK-AS-A-BUNNY 


any North American Playboy Club. eng PHONE-ORDER SERVICE 


ту Playboy Club Key! And hop to it. I will pay my 
Newsstand value? Up 10 $19.00. E 


Key fee as follows: 
me later. 


CALL TOLL-FREE 


Ba Charge to my C American Express; Г] BankAmericard; 800-621-1116 
O Carte Blanche; [] Diners Club; ( Master Charge 
Eo Dane - Di Bank # (MG on ASK FOR BUNNY JAN. 
ссош 
L S25 check enclosed payable to Playboy Clubs Interna- P 
tional, Inc, 
Signature. Date. — 


Name. 


| 
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| 
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p 


Address. Apt. 


Gi Ast EE 
Note: U.S. initial Key fee $25 U.S.; Canadian initial Key fee 
$25 Canadian. You may renew your Key each year thereafter 
by payment of the then-effective Annual Key Fee that will be 
billed to you at the close of each year as a keyholder (AK.F. 
currently $1 


PLAYBOY, The Playboy Club, 
Bunny and Bunny Costume are marks of 
Playboy, Reg. U.S. Pat. Off. 

© 1976, Playboy Clubs Intemational 


That's the 1977 Toyota Celica. Hot 

because Celica was chosen as Motor Trend's 1976 Import Car of the Year. Hot 

because there are three models. including the racy '77 GT Liftback. Hot be- 

cause the Celicas are built with Toyota's famous toughness and durability. Their 

welded unitized-body construction eliminates body nuts and bolts to make 
= = them three of the most curable cars on the road 


Hot Performer. The '77 Celicas are powered by the rev- 
olutionary 20R engine—a 2.2 liter overhead cam design. 
>) Built from the ground up to give power, durability, and Да 

gas mileage. For example: In 1977 0 a 
tests the Celica GT with 5-speed trans 
mission got 37 mpg highway, 22 mpg f N 

city. These mileage figures are estimates. The actual 

mileage you get will vary depending on your driving 

habits and your cars condition and equipment. Califor- 

nia and EPA designated high altitude ratings will be lower. 


Hot Items. A lot of hot features come standard on the 

1977 Celicas. Like MacPherson strut front suspension, 

steel-belted radials, power front disc brakes, rally clock, ЕЕ биске! 
seats, tinted glass, and much more. Were proud of the `77 Celicas. In fact, 
we're proud enough to say, if you can find a better built small car than 
Toyota...buy it 


Toyota Morar Sales USA i 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


11, it’s better than getting no head 
at all: Over an article about the 
Hartford, Connecticut, Board of Educ 
tion's naming a temporary school super- 
intendent, The New Haven Register ran 
this headline: “ArystiG ORAL SCHOOL GETS 
INTERIM HEAD," 


. 

When a Brighton, Michigan. garag 
owner purchased a replica of the famous 
Litile Boy of Brussels fountain statue, 
depicting a little boy urinating, and put it 
on display on his property, the neighbors 
protested. Seems their children were giv- 
ing public impersonations of the statue 

. 

Good choice of words there, fellow: 

Reporting on Johnson & Johnson’s new 


compact tampon, the San Francisco 
Chronicle said, “What the o.b. tampon 
represents is still another attempt to 


knock the longtime leader, Tampax, out 
of the winner's box 


. 
After his last three private secretaries 
quit as a result of being insulted by his 
jealous wife, West German businessman 
Dieter Schumann tried to solve 
the problem by hiring a man for 
the job. Now he’s gone, too; Frau 
Schumann ran away with him 
. 
: Minnesota Congr 
man Tom Hagedorn was under- 
standably miffed at the discovery 
that jobsafety officials have spent 
$466,700 to inform farmers that 
floors coated with manure tend 
to be slippery. 


No sli 


б 

A group of sports from Los 
Angeles has started what appears 
to be the first gay ski dub; its em- 
blem shows a man with a pair of 
skis—dashing out of a closet, 

. 

Our nomination for Pulitzer 

Prize for investigative reportage 


goes to the chap who got the scoop on 
а story with the headline “HAWAI SUR- 
ROUNDED,” appearing in the Colorado 
Springs Gazette Telegraph. The story 
read. in full: "Hawaii is surrounded by 
the Pacific Ocean." No [urther details 
were given 


б 

Apparently, some American colloquial- 
isms are unfamiliar to. Australians. The 
conservative Tasmanian Mercury printed 
this filler item: “It’s a pleasure to come 
across a bumper sticker that seems to 
have nothing else in mind than to enter- 
tain. We spotted this one yesterday: no A 
MOUSE A FAVOR—EAT A PUSSY.” 

. 

Sorry, we gave at the office: Ohio's 
Alliance Review informs us that "mem 
bers of some churches in England, Can- 
ada and the United States give one tenth 
of their come to their churches.” 

б 

Sneaky Marketing Devices Depart- 
ment: The fastestselling book on chess 
ever to be put on the market in the U. S. 
was peddled in a plain brown wrapper 
with a promotion band around it that 
read: “Newly Translated from the Orig 
French: 27 Mating Positions.” 


This ad appeared in the Picton. Nova 
Scotia, Advocate: "Lotht: Will the per- 
thon who found the thet of falthe teethe 
pleathe сай... dathified-id department.” 


Opera singer Ruggero Raimondi, while 
reaching for a note in a production 


of Don Giovanni at London's Royal 
Opera House. fell through the stage floor 
The hefty 62” bass was wedged in the 
break but continued undaunted while his 
fellow performers, still singing, tried to 
yank him free. “They were magnificent, 
said a London aitic. 
° 
According to the publicrelations di- 
rector of the Chicago Public Library, 
books on pornography are listed under 
LITERATURE AND PHILOSOPHY, clinical and 
how-to sex books are cataloged under 
SCIENCE—MEDICAL and volumes on pros 
titution fall under the heading BUSINESS 
AND INDUSTRY. Just thought the schola 
among you would like to know. 
. 
Alta Bates Hospita 


iological or Psycholog- 
” Advised the publicity blurb: “The 
problem of impotency affects al- 
most all males at some time in 
their lives. ... Happily. in the 
majority of cases, the problem 
is transient and straightens itself 
out spontaneously,” 
. 

According to Keynoter, the teen- 
age Kiwanis’ publication, there are 
ЗИП some rather weird laws on 
the books in several states, all 
flecting teenagers. For in- 
stance, in Massachusetts. they 
are prohibited from dueling 
with water pistols on Sunday. 
Spinning yo-yos on Sunday is 
forbidden in Memphis, In Win- 
chester, Massachusetts, church is thc. 
only place where tightrope walking 


19 


PLAYBOY 


20 


is allowed. In Clinton, Indiana, it's illegal 
for a teenager 10 take a bath 
Los Angeles has a law prohibiting moth 
hunting under streetlights, Minneapolis 
teenagers are not allowed to tease skunks, 
irs against the law in Lexington, Ken- 


ску. for a youngster to сапу an ice- 
cream cone in his pocket and there's а 
fine for slurping soup in public in New 
Jersey. 


. 
ornia's Half Moon Bay Review, in 


donor must be IB or older, and the sticker 
must state what atomical girl" 
he wishes to make. 


уре of 


. 

Deutschland, Deutschland über alles! 
‘The West G. п Fede: п of Under- 
wear Manufacturers informs us that the 
average circumference of the West Ger 
man female bosom has increased more 
than three fifths ol an inch in the past five 


years and i arger than 38 inches. 
. 


now 


How about divorcees? Over an article 
containing tips on how to cut fuel bills, 
the Sunday Cape Cod Times ran this 
headline: "USE CUSTOM FIT WIDOWS TO 
CUT HEAT Loss.“ 


PLAYBOY'S 
HALL OF 


Voted in for his contribution to 
the ever-expanding field of religious 
absurdity: a Massachusetts Biblical 
scholar who claims that Detroit, Michi- 
gan. is the locale of the original 
Garden oj Eden. According to his re- 
search, Detroit is the only place on 
earth that conforms in every respect 
to the Scriptural description of the 
home of Adam and Eve. 


ORDER IN THE COURT 


Detroit couple was 

awarded $275,000 
in a suit nst a local 
ral surgeons. 
The wife testified that 
following a 1968 den- 
tal operation, her low 
er lip and jaw were 
numb, so that her hus- 
band's kisses no longer 
excited her. 

And an Ohio cou- 
ple is suing a f 
company for 
51,000,000, 
ing that 
they found in a can 
of tomatoes has ruined. 
their sex Ше. The hus- 
band says that before 
the mouse incident, 
his wife used to greet 
him at the door every 
night with kisses. Since 
then, he claims. she 
has become cold and unaffecrionate, 

. 
bout 


In an article court decision 
to padlock two Tennessee massage 
lors, the Nashville Banner stated: 


“The court said the operation of such 
decl; 


establishments has been ed to 


bea pubic nui 


A former veteri 


California court has ordered him to 
leave the state. 


А 23. 
before a Haifa court for doing 50 mph 
in a 30mph zone, explained that she 
had forgotten to take her birth-control 
pill and wanted to get home before it 
was too late. The judge. who said it 
was the most original plea he had ever 
heard, fined her. anyway. 

. 

A former champion majorette, who 
Heged her baton-twirling career was 
ruined after she was knocked down at 
a race course and pecked at by a goose, 
was awarded 512,000 in damages by 
Michigan jury. The incident occurred 
when she attempted to feed one of two 
geese swimming in a clubhouse pool. It 
happened to be the peak of the goose 
mating season, at which time, a ild- 
life expert testified, geese become un- 
usually aggressive. The girl, who 
claimed to have suffered brain damage 
in the attack, said she was left with a 
fear of large, birdlike creatures. 

. 

After being fired from an Italian 

firm for allegedly havin 


relations on the boss's 
desk with the compa- 

^s chief designer, a 
secretary sued for slan- 
der che filing clerk who 
had reported her. The 
clerk testified that the 
secretary had had her 
head resting on the ın 
tray and her stockinged 
feet in the ovr tray 
during the heated ет 


counter with the de 
signer. Other office girls 
substantiated this re- 
port, saying that the 
secretary was a flirt 
who “wore exciting 
miniskirts" and that 


“when she bent down, 
the men could sce her 
pink panties." But the 
Milanese judge who 
the case ruled 
ul secre- 
t possibly have made love 
in the is-tray, ourtray fashion on her 
boss's narrow desk and fined the fi 
clerk for slander. 


. 

As an armed-robbery victim te: 
fied at a trial in Colorado Springs, 
Colorado, she was asked by the pros 
cutor if she could positively identi 
her assailant. Yes, the victim replied 
promptly, pointing not at the de. 
fendant but at a member of the jury. 

5 

Understatement of the Month 
Award goes to the Federal judge's 
ruling in a сазе in which a Hartford, 
Connecticut, man allegedly robbed 

nk and then telephoned for а tax 
to take him from the scene of the 
crime. The judge, who ordered that 
the man be put under psychiatric ob- 
servation, said: "I think this man has 
problems.” 


. 

Federakcourt officials in Michigan 
were sure they had an X-rated bar 
ruptey case on their hands when a 
Dearborn man filed papers under the 
business names The Sunset Stripper 
nd Jack th 
the mi ure, not bodies— 
he's the owner of a lo 
paincremoving busine: 


Alter hearing testimony in a trial 
involving two members of the Menom- 
ince Warriors Society in a courtroom 
full of Indians in ceremonial dress, 
criminal-court judge Louis P. Garippo 
was asked for a continuance. He reluc- 
tantly agreed, saying. "But you'll be 
the low man on the totem pole. 


Таг 
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with activated charcoal. 


2n best available method for 
AN filtering water. As a matter 


of fact. many cities across the United States 
coal filtration systems 


“Us Tareyton smokers 
would rather fight 
than switch! 


The US. Environmental 
Protection Agency recently 
reported that granular activ- 
ated carbon (charcoal) is the 


have instituted char 


for their drinking water supplies. 
The evidence is mounting that 
activated charcoal does indeed improve 


the taste of drinking water. 
Charcoal also helps freshen air 
in submarines and spacecratt. 
And charcoal 
is used to mellow 
the taste of the 
finest bourbons. 


That’ why Tareyton 
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21 


the Bible in sales. Highan’s biography 
(he previously wrote the best seller Kate: 
The Life of Katharine Hepburn) is a 
marvelously readable account of a curious 
man. Doyle created what is probably the 
world’s most famous fictional character— 
and then proceeded to murder him. 
(Only public outcry brought 
Holmes back from his plunge at 
Reichenbach Falls.) Doyle pio- 

necred such enlightened causes 

as divorce reform, problack legis- 

lation in the Congo, submarine 
defense i ar One and 
bird conse he was 
deeply involved with psychic 
phenomena, being casily duped 
by a tr 


in the olden days before television, when 
| people weren't procreating, busting 
frontiers or watching stock markets crash, 
they were read But their 
schlock, unlike ours, was high quality. For 
920, Н. L. Mencken started 
alled Black Mask, which pub- 
lished the authors who would shape the 
modern detective story. The Hard-Boiled 
Detective (Random House), edited by 
Herbert Ruhm, is a collection of 14 of the 
best yarns published in Black Mask be- 
tween 1920 and 1951, including stories 
by Dashicll Hammett (in one instance, 
using the pseudonym Peter Collinson), 
Raymond Chandler, Erle Stanley Gard- 
er and Merle Constiner. Our current 
TV versions of these guys look like a 
bunch of refugees from hairdressing uni- 
versities in comparison with the real thing 
("'Adieu!! she said softly. And I put 
bullet i 


the head of a child. 
Highan brilliantly captures both f 
аз of Doyles personality—the shrewd, 


the calf of her left leg."). - EST. à 
5 5 е analytical Holmes coming to the aid of 
ANO om TD GLI RE CIS ES Scotland Yard and the bumbling Watso 
Harry Houdini, America's foremost preoccupied with things that go bump in 
escape artist, spent the latier part of his ЧЕЧИНЕ 
attempting to weed out the frauds . 


and charlatans among magicians, mediums “Before television, “Some of us had been threaten 
id assorted psychics. Unfortunately, he people were reading friend Colby for a long time, beca 

ive today to weed out the frauds ante are the way he had been behaving. And now 
ans in the biography-writing he'd gone too far, so we decided to hang 
business. If he were, he'd probably get а ins one of the 20 new stories 
bang out of Houdini: His Life and Art (Gros- arihelme in Amateurs (Farrar, 


was high quality.” 


set & Dunlap), by The Amazing Randi us & Giroux). And, by God, they hang 
ul Bert Randolph Sugar. Randi (who is him from a big tree by making him stand 
atop it ten-foot-wide inflated ball until he 

and Su; rolls off. “Nobody has ever gone too far 


r have prologed their work with 
promises to uncover the mystery bel 
the Master Conjurer. to sce what really 
ate myth from 

the con. 
“should 

perform this investiga- 
has actually equipped 
bility to conjure up the illusion 
ing the ation; for what 
nothing more than а bland, 
athless chronological biog- 
raphy by Sugar, with a few token words by 
adi, mostly about the mechanics of 


nd 


gs. "I wondered if I was enjoying 
myself enough. . .. So I went out on the 
ad shot 6000 dogs. . . Th 
dog population of 165.000. 
I would never pour lye in 
eyes you say. 
Where do you draw the line? I ask. 
Top Job? 

A domestic situation: "You should not 
deuffs and strait jackets. The one have left the baby on the lawn. In a hail- 
ing grace of the book is its bounty of storm. When we brought him inside, he 
photographs—over 100 of them—showing was covered with dime-size blue 
Houdini in all his wussed-up splendor. bruises,” 
The mystery behind the m 
is still securely locked away. 

. 

In The Adventures of Conan Doyle (Nor- 
ton), author Charles Highan suggests that 
the famous literary exchange “Dr. Watson, 


, however, 


Whatever strange damage was done to 


us by the Sixties, Barthelme takes impres- 
sions of those demolished landscapes, holds 
them up and turns them in the light, dips 
n acid bath and brings them up 
Amateurs is breath-taking. 


Mr mes” might well be the . 
five most exciting words im the English Television criticism seems, usually, to 
language. (Wed assumed they were Houdini befogged. be written by actual college graduates. 


“Yes, we have no bananas”) An elemen- They've read their Shakespeare and the 
tary deduction. indeed, since today. some Doyle’s Sherlockian tales are still enor- no longer think Pirandello is a town i 
47 years alter his deuh, Arthur Conan mously popular, rivaling Dr. Spock and Idaho. Most often, they show us hoi 


| 


and be highly esteemed. And be revered. 


Send your order today. There’s still 
time to provide a year full of PLAYBOY 
for your friend. Fantastic fiction. 
Candid interviews. Brilliant articles. 
Zesty humor. And a new and 

dazzling Playmate every month, 
asinviting as 

Vicki Cunningham. 


PLAYBOY 


26 


are by explaining the subtle 
ys in which Let's Make a Deal is in- 
lerior to Goethe's Faust, say, or by an 
nouncing. with smug gloom, the final 
curtain of Western civi 
denced by the arrival of tiny calypso 
bands floating about in toilet bowls 
mel J. Arlen’s latest collection of 
essays. The View from Highway | (Farrar. 
Straus & Giroux). shows this affliction in 
spors—as when he analyzes those ad- 
mittedly awful “Ring around the collar! 
commercials as erotic folk tales—but, al- 
together. it is the sanest and best-written 
television criticism we've seen 

The we hi 
forni 


anon as cvi 


hway isn't 


s splendid coast but. 
n. On the day Arlen describes, 
relug one way, tanks and 
riillery other: and at the 
ulside, mike to mouth and h's back to 
all, a television news correspondent is 
trying to explain it to а camera. Ш an 
ol a recurring concern in these 


esays: the nature and failures of news 
reporting on television, especially re 
garding the recent unpleasaniness in 


Vietnam, whi 


as Arien clearly demon- 
strates, television blew it badly by serving 
it up to us so chopped and scattered and 
so lacking in critical overview that even 
after a decade. most of us who stayed 
here still didn't really get it. 

Even though Arlen tries hard to tke 
television seriously, he does so with wit 
and he frequently wes to be very 
funny about it—describing. for instance, 
Superman. Batman and the other cartoon 
heroes of a kids show called Super 
Friends as "a kind of bodystockinged. 
Nieuschean street gang." True, it ap 
s he has been to college, And hi 
essential seriousness makes him miss some 
avistic fun of sitting around, soak- 
p the absolute worst of it... the 

t sexual jolts of 1 Dream of Jeannie 
reruns... the dubbed screams of ter- 
tified Japanese as they are devoured by 
ampaging, radioactive, monster sala 

made of papier mache . . . the 
g agony of pearls made ol denture 
ial being baked in blueberries. . 


t come out with 
new book called October Light 
(Knopf his other new books 
of previous years—King's Indian, Nickel 
Mountain, The Sunlight Dialogue it 
will no doubt be a best seller. Also, like 
those other books, it is an impenetrable 
and daring achievement in extending the 
frontiers of boredom, for one is left at 
the end of some 600 pages of family saga 
u the burning sensation that he has 
taken for a very long, circuitous 
and pointless ride. Gardner has also 
added a new dimension to inaccessibility: 
novel is illustrated. 


sarduer has ju 


HOLIDAY 


ooks are м 
holiday gifts 


mong the best of all 
As usual, we have a 
number of sublime-to-ridiculous sug 
tions for your consider 

First we have to pat our own back for 
just a second. We've published excerpts 
from some prety special books lately. 
and all would make presents, Roots 
(Doubleday), by Alex Haley, is the most 
talked-about book of the year. (For 
Haley's own talk about it, see this month's 
Playboy Interview.) It is the story (some- 
thing Haley calls faction, the combination 
of fact and fiction) of his search for his 
roots all the way back to Africa, and it is à 
stunning achievement. rnb was also 
responsible this past year for first glances 
at Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.’ new novel, Slapstick 
ог Lonesome No More! (Delacorte), and ат 
Nicholas Meyer's continuing saga of Sher 
lock Holmes, The West End Horror (Dutto:t). 

Some unusual photography books have 
come out recently. The People of Kau (Har- 


tion: 


per & Row), Leni Riefenstahl's latest 
tribute to the Sudanese people, is a per- 
lect companion to her 1975 book of 


photos of the Nuba, a different. branch. 
f the same tribe, Then there is Real Lite 
Pantheon), by Michael Lesy, a look at 
Louisville in the flapper cra. As in his 
lier Wisconsin Death Trip, Lesy has 
gone to the newspapers, to the courts. 
to the insane asylums for the informatio: 
that accompanies the photographs. Are 
you ready for The Things I love (Grosset & 
ce, edited by Ti 
It will provide fans with a close 
up of the style in which Liberace lives. 
surrounded by clothes, cars, furniture— 
Isalskes of every shape and size, lovingly 


described, and photographed both 
color and black and white. 
We also recommend Clowns: A Pictorial 


History (Hawthorn) by John Towsen, a 
lively account of funnymen [rom thei 


appearance to the 
present, richly illustrated 
with photographs, г 
period prints, poster 
and paintings: and 
our favorite coffec- 
table book this Ch: 
mas: On with the Show. 
The First Century of Show 


Business in America (ON. 

ford University Press) 

by Robert C. Toll, a ter 

rific in words 

ad рісі T. Bar- 
mum, burlesque, Flo Ziegfeld. 


shows, tap dancing 
transvestites. for starters. 
For the kitchen, w 


Crisine Extraordinaire, by Armand Aulicino. 
Minceur is that methodology that's cap- 


tivated the gourmet world because 
achieves the magic of fine French cook 
ing with a minimum of calories and 
cholesterol. Sounds like a perfect com 
ination to us. So does Dining with Sherlock 
Holmes (Bobbs-Merrill). collection. of 
updated Victorian recipes from Frederic 
H. Sonnenschmidt, head of the Culinary 
Institute, with text on Holmes by Julia 
C. Rosenblatt 

Under our beloved “much, much more” 
category, we offer these offbeat ideas: 
The World of Medieval and Renaissance Musical 
Instruments (Overlook Press), by Jeremy 
Montagu, a documented survey span- 
ning eight. centuries —with lots of photos, 
many in color; The World Encyclopedia of 
Comies (Chelsea House), edited by Mau- 
rice Horn, 800 pages from contributors 
around the world, with cross-referenced 
entries, 700 black-and-white illustrations 
and 61 pages of color reproductions of 
some of the major strips, a must for the 
serious fan: everything you ever wanted 
to know abour mysteries but were afraid 
10 ask: The Encyclopedia of Mystery ond 
Detection (McGraw-Hill), by Chris Stei 
brunner and Otto Penzler, has it all- 
characters, the writers, the TV 
movies, books. тавалі! 
its best: Hollywood Costume (Abrams), sub. 
tiled “Glamour! Glitter! Romance! 
ahy with Diana Vice 
it till you see the color photos—they re 
incredible; and Abrams, Great 
Auto Races, as told and painted by Peter 
Helck—a very special gift for any racing 
aficionado. Even though The peoples 
Almanac (Doubleday) has been out for а 
while, the joint father-son effort by 1 
Wallace and David Wallechinsky 
sual book, good for hours of brows 
ally, just for fun: Knopf is bringing 
‘ont the Songs of Bob Dylan from 1966 Through 
1975 spiral-bound and boxed, and Lu 
uscott TV's The Complete Ven Book (with 
photos by Terry Arthur), from Harmony. 
capitalizes on the hot consumer item of the 
1. Happy holidays and good reading. 


the 
shows, 
Tinschow 


Accutrac. 


Introducing Accutrac. 
The only turntable in the world 
that lets you tell an LP which selections 
you want to hear, the order you want to hear 
them in, even how many times you want to 
hear each one. 

Sounds like something out of the 21st 
century, doesn't it? Well, as a result of 
Accutrac's electro-optics, computer program- 
ming and direct drive capabilities, you. 

can have it today. 
Just imagine you want to 

hear cuts 5, 3 and 7 in that order. 

Maybe you even want to hear cut 

3 twice, because it's an old favorite. 
Simply press buttons 5, 3, 3 again, 
then 7. Accutrac’s unique infra-red 
beam, located in the tonearm head, scans 

the record surface. Over the recorded 

portion the beamscatters but over the smooth 


surface between selections the infra-red light 
is reflected back to the tonearm, directing it 
to follow your instructions. 


ple with eyes. 


What's more, it can do this by cordless 
remote control, even from across the room. 


The arm your fingers never have to touch. 

Since Accutracs tonearm is electroni- 
cally directed to the record, you never risk 
dropping the tonearm accidently and scratch- 
ing arecord, or damaging a stylus. 

And, since it cues electronically, too, 
you can interrupt your listening and then 
pes it up again in the same groove, within a 
ractionof a revolution. Even the best damped 
cue lever can't provide such accuracy. Or 
safety. 


What you hear is as incredible as what 
you see. 

Because the Accutrac servo-motor 
which drives the tonearmis decoupled the 
instant the stylus goes into play, both hori- 
zontal and vertical friction are virtually elimi- 
nated. That means you get the most accurate 
tracking possible and the most faithful 
reproduction. 

You also get wow and flutter at a com- 
pletely inaudible 0.03% WRMS. Rumble at 
—70 dB (DINB). A tracking force of a mere 
3/4 gram And tonearm resonance at the 
ideal 8-10 Hz. 

The Accutrac 4000 system. When you 
seeand hear what it can do, you'll never be 
satisified owning anything else. 


Its father wasa turntable. 
Its mother was a computer: 


The Accutrac4000 
ABE 


AUC Professional Prodacts Group nen of LSR (USA) LM, Route 109, Mee HY. u 


28 


t isn't easy for a performer to convince 
| an audience mats sitting on 

its preconceived notions that he's 
got much more going for him than 
the stereotype projected by the 
media, The audience usually wants 
its prejudices reinforced and when 
the object of its affection strays into 
unfamiliar territory, it becomes 
uncomfortable. Which is a some- 
circuitous way of intro- 
ducing Archie Shepp's Montreux 
One (Arista). Tenor man Shepp 
has long been a leading ex- 
plorer of jazz's avant-garde 
tributary. And that may have 
made а lot of people put him in 

an antimelody, antiballad, а 
on tlie cars bag. IE so, it's a bum rap, as this 
LP recorded at the 1975 jazz festival can 
attest. Shepp stretches out with extraor- 
dinary lyricism not only on Billy Stray- 
horis Lush Life but even on the three 
other tracks—those much closer to an 
avantgardist’s heart. The ацаск is so 
natural, so organic, the listener is com- 
pletely at ease. Shepp is aided no little by 
trombonist Charles Majid Greenlee, pi- 


anist Dave Burrell, bassist Cameron 
Brown and drummer Beaver Harris. 
е 


Heres how it happened: We were 
hanging around the record store, trying 
to spend money, when the proprietress 
slapped this on the turntable: American 
Fyer (United Artists). Never heard of it. 
Graig Fuller, Eric Kaz, Steve Katz, Doug 
Yule. Never heard of them. Oh, yes, 
wasnt Eric Kaz the one who wrote a 
song called Love Has No Pride that 
Linda Ronstadt sings? And then out 
comes this sound, this cross between 
Eagles and carly Dead, so crisp you can’t 
put a scratch. on it with a diamond stylus 
and—what do you know:z—it's produced 
һу old George Martin (that’s where that 
blue-sky recordin ty comes from). 
1t is, of course, an instant purchase, And 
then all these other Saturday-afternoon 
shoppers, walking in a checkbook daze, 
begi ley, w 
and coming over to look a 
The American What? In about te 
utes, this lady sells maybe a dozen copies 
of American Flyer. Because as soon as 
you hear it, you know you must have it. 

б 

Ry Cooder is а genuine eccentric. He 
frst gained attention as 
mandolin session ma 
Rolling Stones. Ove 
s, he has recorded a series of quirk 
ghly personal albums that reflect his 
apparent acquaintance with every idiom 
in American popular musi 

On his latest, Chicken Skin Music (Re- 
prise), he dips into Cajun, Tex-Mex, 
App n white, rock ’n’ roll, West 


Shepp waxes lyric. 


“A lot of people put Shepp 
in an antimelody, anti- 
easy-on-the-ears bag. 

It's a bum rap.” 


Coast black Gospel to de- 


ate some startling hybrids. On one side 
of the record, he does Leadbellys Bour- 


provide a Norteno (Tex-M 
name) backing for the same composer's 
Good Night, Irene. Flaco and the boys 
are also on hand to put the old country 
weeper He'll Have to Go tò a bolero 
beat; Cooder, backed by Bobby King 
sings it with a latino intensity that makes 
Freddy Fender sound Swedish. 

Cooders peculiar gilt is au empathy 
with these genres that allows him 10 
yoke the most heterogeneous ideas to- 
gether without doing violence to any of 
them. He makes these unlikely combi- 
nations work. 

Two of the cuts on Chicken Skin Mu- 
recorded in Hawaii with a pair 
ians—Atta Isaacs, 


sic wi 
of supreme native mu 


who plays slack-key guitar, and Gabby 
Pahinui, who plays steel guitar. One of 
the cuts—Yellow Roses—is the рше, 


sweet H; 


ана 


itself, perhaps a little 
sugary for mainland ears. But, after all, 
it is a tropical paradise. What do you 
expect from them, anguish? The song is 
not helped, we must add, by a vocal that 
sounds like a bunch of the boys harmoniz- 
ing on bar stools late in a long evening, 
The most interest ion on 
the album is Always Lift Him Up. The 
song was written by Blind Alfred Reed, 
a white fiddler from West Vir 
Cooder sings it with vocal back 


black Gospel style and then inserts 
nstrumental break consisting 
of an old Hawaiian hymn called 
Kanaka Wai Wai played on slack- 
key guitar. Why didn't anybody 
think of that before? 

б 

Parliament and Funkadelic (ac 
tually, the same group recording 
under diflerent names) make up 
the weirdest blockbuster yet in the 
progressive soul sweepstakes. Par- 
liament followed 1975's near gold 
Chocolate City with last summer's 
platinum Mothership Connection. 
Now Funkadelic's turn with 
Latest, Tales of Kidd Funkadelic (Wi 
bound). Two groups, so what's the dif- 
fer “Parliament is more vocal, more 
disco with horns and a bit more conserva- 
tive,” explains leader /songwriter / producer 
George Clinton, who sings in a cool, Sly 
drawl “Funkadelic is more 
guitars—no horns, more free-form feelings 
and more harsh and wild. Sometimes 
there's a crisscross, but generally, Funk 
adelic gets more pussy than Parliament.” 

Surprisingly, considering its looser 
structure and less conscious attempt to be 
commercial, Funkadelics latest is actual- 
ly the best effort from Clinton's mad- 
house. The songs are better—with nice 
melodic hooks—and the variety creates 
an interest and balance. I'm Never 
Gonna Tell Н excels with all the drama 
of a spaghetti-Western ballad (ranking 

git up there with Chocolate City as the 
best song this aggregation, under what- 
ever name, has ever recorded). Ihe title 
track approaches Pink Floyd with sooth- 
ing, synuhesizer-induced sounds. 

Capping the effort is Funkadelic’s usual 
outrageous “I’d-love-to-play-in-your-tidy- 
bowl” humor, which recalls Doug Clark 
nd the Hot Nuts in its sexual emphasis. 
or instance, from Take Your Dead Ass 
Home! “There once 1 from 
Peru/ Who went to sleep in his canoe] He 
was dreaming of Venus/ He took out his 
penis/And woke up with a handful of 
800. Its по wonder that Clinton refers 
to the band's groupies as “Disgusting! 
They ha ou their 
clothes 


t- 


nce; 


Stone 


was a m 


€ on slippery grease, ta 


. 

Bob Dylan has done a few weird thi 
in his time, so it's not as if we should be 
surprised when he dresses himself and his 
entire Rolling Thunder Revue up like 
Arab terrorists, records a live album and 
calls it Herd Rein (Columbia). Besides, 
bit of the commando in his 
record. For example, 
third recorded version of Lay Lady Lay 
appears here. The original was a Jove bal- 
lad. The second (on the Bangla Desh 
concert album) was country rock. This 


there is a 
style on thi 


20 für 
CIGARETTES 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 


PLAYBOY 


30 


one is what you might call guerrilla rock: 
Lay. lady. lay across my big brass bed, you 
capitalist pig bitch. or else I will pistol- 
whip you until you do. At least that’s the 
way it cot TOSS. 

The variety of 
achieves on this 
mazing. He does a duplicate of the stu- 
dio version of Oh, Sister, smooth as silk. 
He does vintage Dylan Rockola on a 
new and better version of Memphis Blues 
Again. When he sings Maggie's Farm, his 
voice sounds like somcone pulling a piano 
wire through a tin сап with a pair of 
plias. Bur. folks, when it comes r 
Фики 10 it, if you like weird, ус 
Hud Rain, 


Dylan 
rather 


vocal styles 
one record i: 


. 
ıccesstul rock gi 


Most really 


oups de- 
velop a sound that is more or les immedi 


The Rolling 
e managed it Chicago—among 
others—has not. It is a great commercial 
advantage lor a band to have its own 
sound: People who liked your last one 
may pick up on the new one if it reminds 
them just a bit of former joys. 

This grand statement of general princi- 
ples is inspired by a record called Men 
from Earth (А & M). by the Ozark Moun- 
ain Daredevils. They are a good group, 

and inventive instrumen- 

of the five members wrote 
all the songs on the album and some of 
them are quite good. 

John Dillon's Fly Ашау Home joins 
visionary lyrics to a bluegrass bac 
sound lil 
a. Steve Cash’s Arroyo has a 
y feel and The Red Plum is a 
strong ballad in the Pentangle mar 

The individual pieces are interesting, 
but the overall effect is like listening to 
thology. Т Daredevils submerge 
themselves so thoroughly in the material 
t. lar from having the aforementioned 
recognizable sound, they almost disappear. 
ОГ course, that may be more their prob- 
n still get off on 


SHORT CUTS 


Anthony Braxton / Creative Orchestra Music 
1976 (Arista): An avant-garde master gets 
a big band to play with and the sounds 
are hallucinatory. 

Walter Jackson / Feelin’ Good (Chisound): 
A great balladeer makes a great comeback 
on bel. And don't look now, but 
icago's back on the musical map. 

Charles Earland / The Great Pyramid (Al er- 
cur): What a 
monster jazz/rock keyboardist—and, be- 
lieve us. he lives up to 

LTD./love to the World (A & М): 
Suaightahead soul with a vocal 
blend that’s right out of church. 

Blue Magic / Mystic Dragons (Atlantic 
velvet vocal group from Philly deliver 
sweet ballads mixed with rock novelties 
(would you believe Freak-N-Stein?). 


new 


wonderful name for a 


disco 


HOLIDAY 
RECORD 
RACK 


ne of the best things about the holiday 
© season is that it affords an opportu- 
nity to demonstrate to one and all (includ 
ing yourself) that you are generous and 
tasteful. And there are all kinds of record 
ings available to let you show off both of 
those qualities. RCA, for instance, is offer 
ing a couple of irresistible packages of 
that splendid sound machine. the Pi 
delphia Orchestra. First and loremost is 
a fiveLP collection of is 1941-1942 
recordings under the I 
tro, Arturo Tosconi included are Schu- 
bert's Ninth Symphony and Tchaikovsky's 
Sixth. The latter is also available in 
combination with the Fourth and the 
Fifth in a three-LP set of the Philadelphia 
Orchestra conducted by the estimable 
Eugene Ormandy. Then there's the sump- 
tuous Angel recording of Beethoven's 
Missa Solemnis with the London РЬШ: 
monic, the New Philharmonia Chorus 
and such soloists as Heather Harper and 
Janet Baker under the direction of Carlo 
Maria Giulini, who gives that cult figure 
Georg Solti a run for his money when- 
ever he takes over the Chicago Symphony 

As usual, Caedmon has the spoken-word. 
market ail to itself. If you don't have а cas- 
seite rig, its Complete Library of Shake- 
speore's Comedies, on 4l cassettes, with 
accompanying slipcased texts, should be 
ason enough 10 rush out and get one. 
Ihe casts are awesome, but there is one 
сашіоһагу note: The whole shebang 
goes for $324.25. Now, that’s a Christ 
mas present. 

Jazz aficionados, they who 1 
the faith through the rs, can be richly 
rewarded this yule: there been à 
tremendous outpouring of first-rank re 
issues. Fantasy Records, which has both 
the Presige and Riverside masters under 
s distributing umbrella, has put forth 
ach of twin-LP packages from both 
labels. For example. there's Prestige’s 
Miles Davis/Green Hexe, made up of i 
couple of 1955 pressings; Mel Waldron / 
One ond Two, albums cut in 1956 and 1957 
that showca: ativity of a rather 
neglected. p Phil Woods / Altelogy, 
recorded in 1956 and 1957 aud 
amatic reminder of a talent that 


ve kept 


has 


aim 
in di 


was underrated for 
many years. The old Riv- 
erside masters, reissued 
on the Milestone | 
bel, include: Thelonious 
Monk / Іп Person, re- 
cording made in New 
York in 1959 and in San 
Francisco in 1960, the 
with a sizable band behind 
‚ the second in the context of 


first 


ll Evans / Spring Leaves, 


recordings made 

1961 of the superb pi 
pany with drummer F 
and bassist Scott La 
сап also be heard on a couple of Verve 
reissues: the four sides of Bill Evans / Trio 
(Motian, Peacock}, Duo (Holl) and two sides of 
Ston Getz / The Chick Corea / Bill Evans Sessions. 
All of Evans’ work is worth listening to; 
these albums done in the Sixties contain 
some of his finest eflorts. Incidentally, for 
more of Monk, we highly recommend The 
Complete Genius, one of the most noic- 
worthy offerings in the Blue Note reissue 
series. It's early (Fortics-Fifties) stuft. 

If the beneficiary of your holiday shop- 
ping could use some sweet soul music, 


you could do worse than Al Green’s just 
released. Greatest Hits (Hi 's about as 
sweet and as soulful as it comes. For get 


hd historical value. too— 
there’s no topping the two volumes of 
James Brown's Soul Classics (Poly 
Then there's the new one by 
& Fire, Spirit (Columbia)—though its pre. 
vious release, Gratitude, a double LP. re- 
mains a spectacular gift. And, of course. 
you can't go wrong with Stevie Wonder's 
new double LP (with extra EP dix 
included, making we uncle, 


down boo; 


sort of a 


half-record album), Songs in the Key of Love 


nd is a 


(Tamla). If. you нше bit 
чагу, she might appreciate something 
recent by Parliament, Funkadelic or 
Bootsys Rubber Band. If she’s got a 
sentimental streak, she might like ABC's. 
new double LP re-creating Curtis May 
field's Eorly Years with the Impressions. ОГ 
course, Curtis would rather you got one 
of his new Curtom productions, such as 
the Staples’ new Warner Bros. release, 
Poss It On. (If you've been w hg to hear 
Mavis sing about sex instead of God. 
now’s your chance.) 

For the rockn’rollers in your Ше, 
there are several live albums available to 
take them right back to the concert—all 
th: sing is the firecrackers and the 
The Song Remains the Same (Swan 
Led Zeppelin’s very first live 
LP. and it is levels better than Zep's studio 
work. And if there's anyone left who 
doesn’t own a copy, Frampton Comes Alive 
(A&M) is a strong, often lyrical double 
LP set by the hard-working English 
arist. Bob Morley Live! (Island) hasn't 
been officially released here, but you can 
find it nd it's the hardest 
driving reggae album yet. 


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EXOTICA 


ost of the world’s men and women 

have reached the conclusion that 
limits to population growth are not only 
desirable but imperative. There still are 
places, though, where people—influenced 
by religion; local mores or just odd psycho- 
logical quirks—feel impelled to procreate. 
Robert Thomson, visiting Afghani 
on a Fulbright scholarship, sends word on 
some—well—far-out practices there: 

In Afghanistan among the wibal and 
village peoples, nearly everybody feels 
t only provides 
ht years but 
gious obligation, following 
ned’s directive to multiply. Con- 
traception is seldom practiced, and though 
condoms 
дату. they are usually 
and hawked in the 
the Afghan woman 
control but aids to fe 

Traditionally, s mation comes 
у who roughly corresponds to 
a midwife in the West. Dais employ hun- 
dreds of methods to 


is balloons 
ated state. What 
seeks is not birth 


viel concepti 
he found on 
t your local Walgree 
s involve insertion of sub- 
5 or objects into the vagina. One 
ресййє beetle," a rare insect 
onc breaks into two pieces. If the 
1 is inserted into the v it is be- 
lieved a pregnancy will occ 
result in the birth of a boy; if the rear 
end is inserted, a daughter will be born. 

More than 50 methods use some sort 
of animal derivative. They include we 
ing for 48 hours the skin of a freshly 
slaughtered sheep; grinding beehives and 
g the resultant powder in a water 
ng cobwebs gathered from over 
ing and consuming a 
and eating pearls: mak- 
mal bones, poppi 
o the mouth and following it with 
a chaser of gruel of flour, sugar, clarified 
butter and water; and obtaining a newly 
hatched black sparrow and swallowing it, 
raw and whole. The tafti-i-pekhal-i-kaftar 
technique calls for a woman to gather 
pigeon excrement and place it on coals 
of a glowing fire, over which she sq 
or she punctures the spleen of a cat and 
cats it; finally, she may bind warm dung 
from a yellow cow to her lower back. 

In Afghanistan, incidentally, the days 
immediately before, during and after a 
woman's menstrual period are considered 
the most fertile; this is the opposite of the 
schedule figured out by Western science. 

The most popular fertility boosters 
are plant preparations. Pregnancy is said 
to be helped by grinding 41 almonds into 
small pieces and frying them in oil. This 
is then mixed with boiling water and rock 


none of which is likely 
the 


shelves 


atsi 


Sex-specific beetle is 
a rare insect that one breaks 
into two pieces. If the 
head is inserted into the 
vagina, it is believed a 
pregnancy will occur that will 
result in the birth of a boy.” 


candy and the 
somewha 
green te 
and pistachi 


ixture is consumed. A 
t less used formula is to prepare 
ld cardamom, ginger, walnuts 
nd drink it, very hot. One 
hly of making walnut but. 
ig flour and sugar and eating it 
only on the second. day of menstruation. 
Boiling the flowers of the walnut tree and 
using the liquid to make noodles is said 
to be good for making babies—only if 
aken before breakfa 
ill the walnut prey e dor 
internal consumption. Painjali-kaftar, 
concoction of garlic, walnuts and pigeon 
claws, is mushed into a jelly and smeared 
across the belly of the would-be mother. 
Somehow, U.S. nares have missed a 
potential propaganda item: Both hashish 
and opium are 
drugs. Hashish is 
sumed every morning unt 
occurs the opium preparation involves 
forming turmeric, opium, river foam, 
copper sulphate and two 
мо tablets that are inserted 
gina with a chunk of sheep 
The most popular of all f 
is gurba khorak, a type of c 
п be made into tea or snufl or added 
to noodles and other foods. 


па con- 


nds of alum 


Occasionally, a woman discovers 
new method on her own. Consider the 
report, for example, of a member of a 
wibe of hill pcople known as the mul- 
berry eaters. One day she was sitting 
under a mulberry tree, just thinking of 
how she could get pregnant. A mulberry 
happened to fall and hit her on the nose. 
She immediately took the berry, tore a 
small piece of cloth from her skirt to 
wrap it in and inserted the ball into her 
vagina, Nine months later, she was the 
proud mother of a happy boy. 

Such physical methods as noff-geriftan, 
or “taking of the navel,” however, 
seldom resorted to on a doityour 
basis. The dai is called in to rearrange 
the layer of skin just beneath the surfa 
of the abdomen, which is believed to 
have slipped out of place. Massaging the 
patient's stomach with clarified butter or 
some other lubricant, the dai asks the 
woman to tell her where the throbbing 
Once this sensation is located, the dai 
moves the throbbing back into place. 
This commonly used method is thought 
to align the reproductive organs. 

On the rare occasions when the Afghan 
woman doesn't want to get pregnant. the 
local pharmacopoeia prescribes contra- 
ceptives. Most popular is consumption 
of seven ming beans, eaten either during 
the menstrual period or right after child- 
birth. Both the seeds and the flowers of 
so eaten for contra. 
ception: and it is a fact that 
of the ingredients in Western contracep- 
tive jellies. The Afghan woman, after 
giving birth to a child, eats one bloom 
ar she м s to rem free 
from children, 

Abortion, 
seldom prac 
theless, so: 
(day pot), which seems to be a throw- 


acia is one 


one might imagine, is 
ced in Afghanistan. None- 
е women do resort to Degcha 


m s abdom| 
with butter: over this she spreads а flat 
piece of raw bread dough, which serves 
an adhesive. A clay pot in which a 
small fire has been I ed, upside 
down, on the dough. As the oxygen is 
burned, the dough contracts the woman's 
abdominal region. This abrupt force is 
said to cause the abor 

Less than one percent of Afghanistan's 
dais will admit to knowing anything 
about abortion; an astonishing 90 per. 
cent of their known techniques are aimed 
conception, not contraception, and 
some experts believe that the population 
of Afghanistan may double in the next 
20 years, so they must be doing some- 
thing right. 


33 


ylvester Stallone, with just three mov- 

ies behind him at the age of 30 (his 
first was The Lords of Flatbush), must be 
the first actor in film history to achieve 
stardom by writing a dynamite role for 
himself, then playing it with such effort 
less power and poignancy that you can 
jot down his name right now as an Oscar 
nomince in at least two categorics. Actor- 
writer Stallone's hot contender is Rocky, 
a small miracle of a movie about a not 
«bright palooka who fights for maybe 
prize money on a lucky night and 
supplements his stunted boxing career 
by working as strong-arm man for a loan 
shark in the slums of south Philadelpl 
His only real friends, whom he addresses 
e street corner thugs, are a pair of pet 
turtles named Cuff and Link. Through а 
fluke—dreamed up more or less as a 
publicity stunt to fill a local booking 
commitment—this lonely born loser gets 
a chance to fight the heavyweight cham- 
pion of the world. Rocky takes the chal- 
lenge seriously, largely because he's too 
dumb and innocent to realize he is being 
used. The movie's dimax is a bloody, 
bruisingly suspenseful fight scene that 
ranks with the ics of its kind; yet 
Rocky is not really а film about prize 
fighting any more than Marty was a film 
about being a butcher in the Bronx. 
Human striving is the theme, expressed 
one man's struggle to salvage, however 
briefly, a scrap of dignity and self-esteem 
from his unrewarding life. Rocky pulls 
an audience into total identification with 
underdog hero and director John G. 
(Joe, Save the Tiger) Avildsen has hit on 
exactly the right chemistry throughout, 
carefully balancing the toughness and 
poetry of a story chat is full of oppor. 
tunities to become conventionally or 
cheaply heart-warming. Talia Shire, as 
the painfully shy neighborhood spinster 
who begins to like herself because Rocky 
loves her, Burt Young, as her covetous 
brother, and Burgess Meredith, as Rocky's 
trainer, portray stock characters with dis- 
armingly total credibility. Rocky is not 
just Stallone's bid for the big time, it's 
Avildsen’s best movie and one of the 
year’s ten best by any standard. 

. 

A fast browse through William Gold- 
man's bestselling novel Marathon Man 
might be helpful as homework in prep- 
aration for the high excitement and sheer 
momentum of John Schlesinger's film 
version, Onscreen, Marathon Man sprints 
away and soon breaks into a pace so 
breathtaking that а moviegoer who 
missed the book could begin to fecl that 
he's also missed a few key pieces of the 
plot But who goes to a movie 
thriller for lessons in impeccable logic? 
A lapse here and there won't inhibit 
enjoyment of the splendid job done by 


MOVIES 


Rocky: hot contender. 


“Rocky is one of the 
year's ten best 
by any standard." 


Marathon: a run for your money. 


Schlesinger and Goldman (who adapted 
the novel himself, as faithfully as possi- 
ble). Even counting his Midnight Cowboy 
and Sunday Bloody Sunday, Schlesinger 
has never made a movie with more steady 
rhythm and solid impact as entertain- 
ment. His photographer, editor and com- 
poser (Conrad Hall, Jim Clark and 
Michael Small, respectively) rate a nod 
for the kind of seamless collaboration 
that's all the better for not drawing 
attention to itself. Yet Marathon Man's 


chief attention-getter, bar none, is Lau- 
rence Olivier—probably the greatest actor 
in the world, proving it once with 
his insidious, sly and mesmerizing per- 
nce as an unregenerate Nazi war 
al whose favorite brand of torture 
been deep drill dentistry wi 
out benefit of anesthetic. In case that 
doesn't raise you right out of your chair, 
the movie has quite a few other nasty 
little surprises, most of them te 
minded by Lord Olivier. As the nomi 
hero and victim of that god-awful drill, 
Dustin Hoffman hypes up his usual inno- 
ity to match Olivier's 
es to make us believe 
(well, almost) that a conscientious Co- 
lumbia grad student-jock, with sufficient 
provocation, might be goaded into be- 
having as if he had a license to kill. Roy 
Scheider, as Hoffman's brother the secret 
agent, plus William Devane and Marthe 
Keller, as a couple of deeply involved 
accomplices loyal to God knows whom, 
are a big help—while they last—at flesh- 
ing out the book attractively. Once this 
crowd grabs you by the shirt front, there's 
no letting go. Take a Valium first. 
P 

Laurence Olivier, bless him, reappears 
briefly in The Seven-Per-Cent Solution as 
Professor Moriarty—the timid scholar 
whom a dope-crazed Sherlock Holmes 
maligns as “the Napoleon of crime.” To 
cure Holmes (Nicol Williamson) of his 
drug habit and his hallucinations, Dr. 
Watson (Robert Duvall) lures him to a 
rendezvous in Vienna with Dr. Sigmund 
Freud (Alan Arkin). Once there, Holmes 
and Freud join forces to rescue a famous 
redheaded mezzo-soprano (Vanessa Red- 
grave) who's been kidnaped and is likely 
to be shanghaied off to the harem of a 
mysterious pasha by a couple of shady 
characters (Joel Grey and Jeremy Kemp). 
Thats the working formula of author 
Nicholas Meyer's adaptation of his own 
smooth spoof of those proper Victorian 
mystery melodramas first created in book 
form by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Under 
the direction of Herbert Ross, a careful 
craftsman who caught Funny Lady and 
The Sunshine Boys on film, Seven-Pe: 
Cent Solution is а literate, subtle and del 
cious comedy that defies comparison with 
your standard thrills-and-spills movic— 
though it does boast an exhilarating chase 
scene atop a speeding train, where Holmes 
and Freud leap to milady's rescuc like a 
couple of armchair adventurers with delu- 


ions of being Butch Cassidy and the Sun- 
dance Shrink. Meyer, Ross and their 
accomplished cast throw away many book- 


ish gags, along with sly bits and pieces of 
parody, as if well aware that they may be 
approaching a dangerous level of wit and 


“Señor, theres only one way to order ae 


Ask Two Fingers what was 
the best tequila. 

He was known not to say a 
word. He d just hold up two 
fingers. 

That was mighty strange 
behavior for a tequila man who 
only had the first two fingers on 
his right hand. 

However, once you got to 
know him and his Two Fingers 
Tequila better you understood 
what he was meaning. 

“Stick those two fingers up. 
You're not going to get some of 
that dime a dozen stuff!” Two 
Fingers once hollered at anon- 
believer in Albuquerque. 

The man soon became a 
believer. A lot of folks in the late 
30's did because Two Fingers 
Tequila had a flavor you could 
taste— even when you mixed it. 
“The way I make it,” he'd 
grin. “That’s the difference.” 

At that point Two Fingers 
would clam up. No one 


found out what that “way” was. 

Heck, only a handful of folks 
ever knew he had any other 
name but Two Fingers. 

An old lady in Carson City, 
Nev, told us his last name was 
Ortega. Claims she heard Honey, 
the woman who always traveled 
with Two Fingers, call him that 
during a tiff they had. 

The old lady’s story is prob- 
ably not too reliable though. Her 
nurse said she babbles a lot. 

Two Fingers seems to have 
stopped making his tequila trips 
without warning in the late 30's. 

He was the last of a breed 
and we'll probably never know 
his name for sure. His legend 
is fading pretty fast. 

Luckily his tequila lives on. 
All you have to do is hold up 
two fingers when you order. 
You'll get your money’s worth. 


©1976. Imported and Bottled by Hiram Walker 
& Sons, Inc., Peoria, Il. San Francisco, Calif 


Tequila. 80 Proof, Product of Mexico. f 
— 


а) 


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literacy for movie bulfs accustomed 10 
monosyllabic action epics. All the actors 
are in fine fettle. Williamson, a coruscat- 
= star whose movie roles often 
dim his spark, is lustier than any previous 
Sherlock (abour time, too), with gorgeous 
M: 


ing sta 


anessa making the beast in him begin to 


stir, while Duvall is a surprisingly correct 
Watson. Our own fav e (alter Olivier) 
is Arkin, who plays Freud semistraight 


with a very fine comic edge. and n 

never falls imo the trap of seeing himself 

as die founding Gather ofa million and 
one psychiatrist jokes. 
. 

The nicest thing to say about A Matter 

of Time is that Liza Minnelli's career will 

probably suffer no permanent dama 


Time stumbles on. 


from it. The movie was misdirected by 
Poppa Vincente Minnelli—ages ago, he 
came up with Meet Me in St. Louis and 

string of landmark. musicals—but dad 
and daughter would be wise to write this 
off as a disjointed skeleton in their illus 
trious family closet. Made in Italy and 
clumsily adapted (by John Gay) trom a 
novel that director. Minnelli supposedly 
cherished for years, 4 Matter of Time 
might have worked a decade or two 
а flimsy but stylish showpiece for Sopii 
Loren in her prime. Liza strug 
isurmountable odds 10 approximate the 
kind of spontaneous. Neapolitan exuber- 
ance that came to Sophia as naturally as 
deep breathing. Gay's joyless screenplay 
olfers Liza as a peasant girl who moves 10 
Rome, finds a job as chambermaid in a 
shabby-gentecl hotel and soon becomes the 
confidante of a senile contessa (Ingrid 
nizing a born enchant- 
ress on sight the contesa shares her 
memoirs and romantic fantasies with the 
maid—and before you know it, the gawky 
kid is a dazzling adventures and world- 
famous film star to boot, breaking noble- 
men's hearts with every shrug. Bergman 


les against 


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35 


From Holland. 
From an Old World formula. 
From the finest pipe tobaccos. 


i 


болел 


ages to get through her role without 
looking openly embarrassed, though she, 
like Liza, has every reason to be; Charles 
Boyer, as her estranged husband the 
count, runs less risk, because he’s on the 
screen for only five minutes or зо. Time 
passes, but agonizingly, with a couple of 
irrelevant songs from Liza, plus countless 
postcard views that somehow manage to 
make Rome itself look uninviting. 
. 


Although it is much too creamy and ro- 
mantic a picture to be taken seriously as 
social drama, Keetje Tippel leaves litle 
doubt that blonde Monique van de Ven, 
in the title role, lives up to the ballyhoo 
touting her as “the Dutch Marilyn Mon- 
roc." Monique—sweet, sexy, MM with а 
dash of carly Dietrich and unquestionably 
talented—makes а racy star vehicle of this 
biographical Cinderella story based on 
the memoirs of Neel Dolf, a late-19th 
Century adventures whose writings were 
nominated for a Nobel Prize back in the 
Twenties. Keetje’s rise Irom abject pov- 
erty in wicked old Amsterdam leads her, 
step by step, from the workhouse to a 
millinery shop, where the boss rapes her, 
then on nd on—to a colorful career as 
а strcetwalker, artist's model, kept woman 
and revolutionary who winds up married 
to a wealthy admirer. But any summary 
of Keetjé's soap-opera plot does an in 
justice to the movie's forthright appeal as 
a colorful, richly textured. ragsto-riches 
saga that also presents a vivid portrait of 
life in Amsterdam a century ago. For a 
girl of Keetje’s impoverished class, the 
options are few. Her ugly elder sister is a 
whore, her kid brother cruises the streets 
for perverted gentlemen and Keetje her- 
self, when she contracts tuberculosis. has 
to submit to the doctor in order to be 
cured. Paced by Monique, the brilliant 
cast of Keetje Tippel enjoys such Iringe 
benefits as superb photography and me 
ticulous period decor. Dutch producer 
Rob Houwer and director Paul Verhoe 
ven also made the bold, Xaated Turkish 
Delight, which starred Monique opposite 
Rutger Hauer, Keetje’s handsome leading 
man, and won a 1973 Oscar nomination 
for Best Foreign Film. Keetje has by com 
parison only a fillip of flesh; it's more of 
a glossing over of history in the lush old- 
Hollywood style of Jezebel and Gone 
with the Wind. 


б 

In French director Francois Truffaut's 
Small Change, a teacher has to tell his stu- 
dents about a particularly ugly case of 
child abuse, "Of all mankind's inequities,” 
he begins, “injustice 10 young children 
is the most despicable . . . kids rate a 
beter deal.” Having chosen a topic in the 
tradition of his memorable The 400 
Blows, Trullaut warms up and woos an 
audience with a series of delightful vi 
gneues about children and parents, about 
birth, love, sex, learning, give and take, 
cruelty. Small Change со with 


cludes 


another thought for the day: “Life may 


be hard, but it’s also wonderful.” Very 
few are Truffaut's equal at 
framing so obvious а message in cinematic 
images that manage to seem affectionate, 
intimate and universal all at the same 
time, Typical is an episode at the movies, 
where a quartet of youngsters keep swap- 
ping seats because one embarrassed pre- 
pubescent lad in the foursome isn't quite 
ready to grope the girl behind him. 


directors 


Another treatment of children—close 
in spirit to Truffaut's and one of the 
pleasant surprises seen at New York's 
Festival of Women’s Films—is Number One, 
a technically primitive but charming 42- 
minute short written and directed by 
actress Dyan Cannon. Dyan, who cla 
she had to scour Southern California for 
ture 


kids whose parents were nudists or r 


lovers in order to cast her movie, takes a 
fresh and funny view of childhood as 
experienced by school 
two boys. two g 


four elementary 


students de ho ren 
dezvous in the boys room when they're 
supposed to be in class and impulsively 
decide to shed their clothes for a lesson 
in simple anatomy. "Their innocence is 
corrupted only when they're caught and 
exposed to the misinterpretations of adults. 
ly Allen Garfield as a 
uthoritarian: "If you wanted to 
know what it looks like, you could've 
asked те... I’m your principal.” C 
noirs film-making debut shows promise as 
well as pluck, and she gets her kid actors 
to act with the forthright precocity of 
youngsters who might pass up The Аир. 
pets in favor of Mary Hartman, Mary 
Hartman. 


dourly 


E 
His roots in television go way back 
Marty, the first teleplay to 
achieve major success as a feature 
movie?—but hes not inclined to look 
kindly upon the medium. Now 54, author 
Paddy Chayefsky is stocky, bearded, gray- 
ing and amiable—"a far Trotskyite elf,” 
he says. He in rv, 
though his most recent movie, the highly 
controverstal Network 
ber) has precious little good to say of 
the industry. Neither docs Chayefsky in 
person, when he gets down to it 
“Television today scares the shit out of 
me,” he told PLaynoy recently 
the realities of our 
Corruption in television is ex 
posed in Network, in a manner calculated 
to offend any number of people. by a 
lunatic 
viewers as semiliterates who've been de 
humanized as part of a vast take-over of 
practically everything on behalf of Arab 


remember 


ists he doesn't hate 


PLAvnoy, Decem. 


“It creates 
time, and it’s дой 


crazy." 


anchor man who harangues his 


ойтеп. 71 always have а madman in my 
scripts,” Chayefsky says. “to represent 
what's actually happening. Network may 
be attacked for overstating its case, yet it’s 
not that far from the truth, I all true 
about the Arabs’ holdings in the U. S. . 

the lawyers went over it very carefully. 


believe me, bec: 
see the movie 
the Atlanta 
Network, the 
chunk of АЛТ: they also own 20 per 
cent of Krupp, 14 percent of Mercede 

1 feel Network is my best work, where 
1 set out to do what 1 failed to do in The 
Hospital—write a thriller, a love story, a 
satire, a black comedy, all in one. 

Chayefskys evolution from TV to thea 
ter до films looks irreversible. His fifth 
and apparently final play. The Latent 
Heterosexual, has been produced clse- 
where but may never be seen on Broad. 
way. because the author declines all offers. 


е it’s libelous if people 
ма don't want to stay 
Hilton. Since we finished 
Arabs have bought a big 


"Broadway is a chickenshit operation 
dominated by second-rate hysteria,” he 
charges. "There's no audience now except 
tor revivals of old musicals. Today movies 
are where you can do your most signif 
син work, reach the most people. A 
picture like Easy Rider can change the 
whole face of life from Biloxi to Boston 
and Djibouti. 

“As lor television, forget it. Even its 
hired critics are supposed to be actors and 
entertainers. That NBC guy. Gene Shalit, 
kicked the shit out of The Front for th 
sake of a joke. He's not paid to be 
critic. he's paid to be a joker. Its all 
madness. People are instant now. I've sa 


The strategy: brilliant. 
The move: yours. 
The drink: (дни Black Russian 


Because you appreciate excellence: mix one ounce of | 
Kahlua and two ounces of vodka on the rocks. 


Do treat yourself 
to our Kahlüa 
recipe book. It's 
yours for the 
asking. Because 
you deserve 
Something 


PLAYBOY 


38 


through movies myself and thought: This 
picture needs more commercials. Thanks 


to ТУ, we have all developed a ten- 
minute concentration span.” 
FILM CLIPS 
America at the Movies: Life in these 


United States, in excerpts from 83 movies 
old and new (compiled by the American 
Film Institute), looks like That's Enter- 
tainment with a lot less music. Best of the 
lot (On the Waterfront, The Grapes of 
Wrath, ct al) actually illuminated the 
‘ed theme; many others merely suggest 
grist to feed the nostalgia craze. 

The Marquise of О: French director Eric 
Rohmer, finished with Clabe's Knee and 
his series of Moral Tales, fashions a 
marvelously stylish and corseted comedy 
of manners from a classic story (circa 1808) 
by German author Heinrich von Klei 
The fine German-speaking cast stars 
Edith Clever as a widowed young noble- 
woman—who becomes mysteriously pre 
nant following a brief invasion by Russian 
troops, yet steadfastly vows that no man 
has touched her. 

Deadly Hero: Fun City’s terrors are 
played for cheap kicks in a grim but 
effective little thriller about a rogue cop 
(Don Murray) who pointlessly murders a 
burglar (James Earl Jones) and later de- 
cides to kill the burglar's intended victim 
(Diahn Williams) because she has had 
him drummed out of New York's Finest 
for brutality. 

Black Emanuelle: The first in a series of 
Tralian-made copics of the soft-core French 
sizzler struck box-oflice gold abroad, with 
Eurasian beauty the 
dusky Emanuelle, who's supposed to be 
an American photographer on assignment 
in Nairobi. Nothing much develops 

Teuch of Zen: Over three hours long, 

writer-producei-director King Низ de 
finitive kungfu epic has about 20 m 
utes worth of brilliantly choreographed 
fight sequences that make the martial 
arts look like a cross between classic 
ballet and the comic strips, All the rest 
is an excruciating form of Chinese torture 
based on legendary tangled tales. 
Is That You?: Redd Foxx and 
Pearl Bailey, as the baling parents of 
homosexual son (Michael Warren) who's 
being dragged out of his closet by a friend, 
have to work very hard to wring some 
nominally black humor from the film 
version of a Broadway play that wasn't 
awfully funny in the first place. 

Cor Wash: Richard Pryor, The Pointer 
Sisters and George Carlin lead a mostly 
black, relatively unknown cast through а 
lively working day at the Dee-Luxe Car 
Wash in L.A. Abetted by writer Joel 
Schumacher, director Michael Schultz has 
it all together in а wild and funky pop 
comedy that combines rock rhythm with 
ribald humor for some good “clean” fun 
you'd be foolish to resist. 


Laura Gemser as 


Norman 


X RATED 


lowdy, а hard- 

соге comedy that. 
works up a lather 
by ripping off Sham- 
poo, goes from job 
to job with a hair- 
dresser named War- 
ren Peece (played 
by a baby-faced stud. 
whose лот de film 
is Pepe). Warren so- 
licis most of hi 
trade, natch, in a 
beauty salon known 
as The Head Shop. 


Sad to sa Iter that. 
catchy title, the 
movie has shot its 


load saürically, and 
a fairly funny idea 
dwindles into 


soon, 


of suck-and-fuck 


1 Shampoo it's not. 
footage. Shampoo 


Pic) Welles plays a 

reporter inter- 
wing a top nudie 
photographer (Ras 
Kean) about some 
of his livelier adven- 
tures їп the skin 
trade. The shuuer- 
bug’s overexposed 
tales of flesh and 
fantasy are just what 
you might expect, 
with the possible 
exception of a les 
bian sequence fi 
turing Brooke and 
Tayor Young a 
pair of attractive— 
and emphatically in- 
cestuous — identical 
twins whose sister 
act is unprecedent- 
ed in porno, as far 
as we know. 


itself was a highly 
sophisticated sex 
film of sorts and 
cannot be spoofed 
merely by substitut- 
ing cum shots and 
maximum penetra- 
ion for wit, style 
and relevance. Blow- 
dry some heavy 


load sa 


“Sad to say, after 
that catchy title, 
Blowdry has shot its "m 


. 

How do porno 
performers amuse 
themselves when 
they're not work. 
ing? "I'm gonna get 
myself laid . . . what 
else is there?" says 
superstud Paul S 
if, co-starred with 


ally." 


sexual athletics and. 
shows a bit of natural curl here and 
there—a couple making it atop a Nerox 
machine or Warren balling the Oriental 
bank officer who wants to see his assets— 
but it's a flaccid imitation in general. The 
cors are only passibly attractive, the 
acting ranges from adequate to awful and 

the gags don't make it 

б 
A beautiful young Westchester matron 
spends her free afternoons bed-hopping 
n Manhattan until one spurned lover 
hires a team of private detectives (porno’s 
ubiquitous Jamie Gillis and Terri Hall, 
as the dick and his Jane) to bug her new 
beau’s hotel room with video tape. Thus, 
The Double Exposure of Holly employs black- 
„ greed and murder to thicken the 
plot between sexual couplings. Holly's 
only aesthetically redeeming feature is 
the presence in the title role of a smash- 
ing blonde billed as Catherine Earnshaw, 
who was Carey Lacy when she first ap- 
peared on the porn circuit in Expose Me, 


Lovely and Catherine Burgess in Through 
the Looking Glass, perhaps the most 


stylish American hard-core flick of the 
past year, as well as the one most likely 
to help her make a name for hersell— 
and stick to it. 
. 
To get Sweet Cokes off the ground and 
into the sack, bountiful Jennifer (Honey 


Linda Wong in Easy 
Alice. This behind-the-scenes glimpse of 
the sex-movie crowd in San Francisco was 
made by Tom Hofmann, a former assist- 
ant to pom pioneer Alex De Renzy. 
Ostensibly a day in the life of a male 
fuck-film star and his resentful old lady, 
Alice suggests that Hofmann feels honest 
cynicism as well as considerable ambiv- 
alence toward the subject at hand. While 
he sets up a daisy chain of sexual con- 
nections to keep the customers happy with 
their quota of hard-core, he also reveals 
that making such movies is apt to be a 
cold, mechanical and manipulative busi- 
ness—íull of losers whose lack of inhibi- 
tion passes for sexual freedom. 

. 

A moderately bright idea dwindles 
away in Little Orphan Sammy, starting blond, 
curly-1opped Rocky Millstone as a vague- 
ly androgynous foundling who gets а lot 
of fondling. Jennifer Welles returns, 
playing a vamp named Hata Mari, who 
spirits Sammy out of an orphanage and 
holds him for ransom in order to obtain 
Daddy Sawbucks’ zillion-doll 
for turning garbage into oil, Unfortu- 
nately, Sammy shows very little savvy; 
it seems just possible that the film makers, 
amid all the confusion, have lucked onto a 
formula for turning garbage into porn, 


r formula 


The CIA wants to help you. 


Uncle Sam’s cloak-and-dagger squad has agents all over Western Europe doing their 
level best to keep you safe from the Commies. And you don’t appreciate it. Maybe that's 
because you don't know what they're really doing over there. Well, Philip Agee, an 
ex-CIA agent himself, knows. And tells. In The CIA in Europe in the January issue 

of oul Meanwhile, back home, the male of the species is starting to get the liberation 
itch. Dominating women constantly can get a little tedious, so they feel it’s time to 
redefine masculinity. What's the new definition going to be? Find out in Men’s Lib, by 
Herbert Gold, this month in our. Then join in Ours chat with 
Federico Fellini, dream merchant of the silver screen. Fellinis latest 
flick is Casanova, with Donald Sutherland playing history's fabled 
sex maniac. Fellini seldom does biography, unless it's Fellini’s. So 
why Casanova's? Let the master tell you himself in out And 
there’s more. Like clothes 
you can dance in. Or dance 
to. Your pleasure. Plus girls, 
voodoo, the worst from the 
Pentagon and The Best of 
Sex in America. And it’s 
all in January OUL At your 
newsstand. 


© 1976, Playboy Publications 
yaa 


40 


SELECTED SHORTS 


insights and outcries on matters large and small 


AGANST 
COEDUCATION 


By Dotson Rader 


AFTER поо YEARS of American experimen- 
tation with coeducation, it is clear that 


it is a failure, In most central cities 
primary and secondary coeducational 
schools unqualified disaster. Na- 


boys th 
res. The reason is coedui 


ase of its institui 
the natural inequality of boys 
and girls. Coeducation is a costly mistake 
that ought to be abolished. It doesn't work. 
The reason it doesn’t work is that it 
denies the sexual character of children. 
inherently incapable of 
to account the pro- 
es between boys and girls. 
ion is not sexless. Even a brief 
examination of the “Digest of Educa- 
tional Statistics.” published by the De- 
of Hi ducation and 

ks to the astonishing differ- 


to admit 


Therefore, ii 


partment 
Welfare, sp 
ences in academic achievement between 
boys and girls. And yı 
tional policy adamantly refuses to ас 
knowledge that boys and girls are not the 
same animal, and because of that, all our 
e harmed—hoys most of all. 

with, boys in general are less 
intelligent than girls. Their average 1.Q. 
is lower than girls While boys account 
reat majority of children of 


for the 


enius, they also represent the majority 
of the mentally deficient 

Girls are superior to boys in the “M 
factor"—the capacity to memorize by 
rote—and since most American education 
is tediously based on memorywork, girls 
obviously have an advan 

Girls are more verbally gifted than 
boys. They begin to speak earlier, they 
use longer 1 more complex sentences 
and they have larger vocabularies, A 
greater proportion of all children in 
clinic for functional speech disorders 


аге boy. In all national tests, girls aver- 
s in verbal skills. as they 
al academic apti- 


age higher scor 
do in LQ. 
tude. Boys have greater physical difficulty 
to speak. They stutter four 
times as often as girls, They also suffer 
more visual disorders—which may have 


d gene 


much to do with their greater failure at 


reading. And yet we demand that boys 


and girls learn to read at the same time 
and at the same rate, The girls, physi- 
cally, have the edge 

With grim consistency, boys fail more 
often in handwriting tests. thei 
being more awkward and less precise. 
Nevertheless, boys irls ave taught 
writing at the same time and are graded 
by the same standards, rding the 
fact that boys fail а because their 
hands arc not equal ro it. The boys 
small hand muscles develop 16 months 
later than the girl's; his wristmovement 
control develops later, too. His hands tire 
quicker. 

More remarkably, boys are frailer than 
irls. being sick more often and dying 
arlier. The male's greater vulnerability 
remains throughout life. Studies indicate 
that up to the age of 45, men have 13 


writing 


times as many heart attacks as do women. 
Heart disease is related to an organ 
ability to stand stress. Boys have consist- 
ently less tolerance for stress, but, despite 
that fact, it is on boys that we place the 
most pressure to compete, to master and 
to command. 

Boys 
than girls. 7 


sm's 


naturally 
hey eat more and. produce 


аге more aggressive 


more energy in proportion to their size 
They have a higher metabolic rate than 
girls, which makes them 
more unruly, less disciplined, more im 
patient, less capable of bearing depres 
sion. Boys find it harder to sit still and 
be quiet, Their respiration rate, lung 
capacity and large musde strength are 
greater. Girls sleep more than boys do 
and they have a greater proven tolerance 
for boredom and idleness, some 
necessary for success in American schools. 
which are surely the most boring and 
time-wasting on God's earth. 


more active, 


even with 
. According to national sur 
veys, girls perceive themselves as being 
more valued by teachers and parents than 
do boys; teachers also give girls grades 
that average a substantial percent 


ward to boy 

and they yell 

c, punish, suspend and exp: 
quenc 

zue that the differ- 

to sit 


higher than those the 
for equal work 


discipl 
boys with 
eminists m 
ences in the capacity . to 
be obedient, to compere equally аге 
due solely to cultural factors, attitudes 
and sexual role identification picked up 


reater fr 


outside the classroom: but they аге not 
They are due to things such as respira 
bolic r 1 Ше 
y of 


e more 


and m 


tion 


condition 
their movements 
intense. Boys are n 
They learn to crawl 
th 


g boys 
nore vigorou 
de of differe 
nd stand and 
about a md than 
2 they like to | to uke 
them apart and sce how they work. Thei 
play is louder and more ene 
ever, we demand diat 

spend a large perce! 
time sitting in uncom! 
ing silently to а teacher—usually, in the 
Jower woman. It is a hell of a 
lot h 
girls. Everythit 


ades, 


g that comes natur 


Шу to. 


boys—interest in objects, the mechanics 
ob things. moisines, horseplay, moving 
gang formation, aggressiveness, 


m of authority— 
ational school either. | 
shment. 


subject 
dif- 


the coedu 
ference or 10 pu 


he only и 
roo girly 
i—the abil 


which young boys 
is that of visual 
ity to conceive ob- 
jects in new pateris, something necessary 
echanical skills and geometry. The 
employment of these skills plays a very 
small role in ine coeducational-school 
cunricalum, 

It seems clear to me that coeducation 
has to be abandoned and singlesex edu 
cation established in is place. IE one 
examines any of the indices of social 
Tailure—drug addiction, alcoholism, sex 
ual dysfunction, successful suicide, mental 
violent crime—he knows that 
males make up the overwhelming 
jority in euch category. They are the 
single group least capable of coping su 
cessfully in life. There is no social struc- 


are supe! 


o 


ture but the school th 
to reverse the al: 


ure of boys. 
eto help them. they mu 
e for boys, where they 

joriable and placed at a са 
tinuous physical and intellectual. disad- 
ge. What singh 
nd secondary schools can do, 
з cannot, is to tike into 
needs and capabilities of 
ob 

1 developn 
ol their 


re 
ie 


nor uncon 


sex education in the 


vant 


count the 
boys as boys 
physical 
the 


interests. 
As dong as An education 
coeducational, it isn’t possible to 
end the waste and defeat suffered by boys. 


spec 


tastes. 


Dotson Rader is a contributing editor 
for Esquire. His novel “The Dream’s on 
Me: A Love Story" is going to be filmed. 


THE RIGHT 
TO ARMS 


By Edward Abbey 


id a lance 
ws. Or, 


MEANING 
or à bow 


A sw 
nd а quiver full of an 
nd а handgun and a 
Firearms. 
ad. a peasant caught 
with a sword in his possesion would be 
strung up ibber and left there for 
the crows. Swords were for gentlemen. 
For obvious reasons, only members of 
the ruling class were entitled to own 
bear weapons, When the ре 
tempted to rebel, as they did from time 
» time in England and Germany and 
other E n countries, they had to 
ight with sickles, hoes, clubs; no match 
for the sword-wieldi 
of the nobility. 

In Navi G 


WEAPONS. 


у. the 
private citizen of the Third 


possession of 


үт! 


state: thi 
by hangi 
Soviet Un 
tion ms hav 
always been a monopoly of the state. 
stictly conpolled and supervised. Any 
unauthorized citizen found with guns i 
home by the O.G.P-U. or the К. 
wutomatically suspected of. subversive 
intentions and subject to severe penalti 
ly. except for the landowning 
aristocracy. who virtually alone amon 
the population were allowed the privilege 
of keeping. fircarms—for, with some ex- 
ceptions, only they were privileged t 
hunt—the ownership of weapons has ne 
cr been a widespread tradition in Russ 
In Spain, Brazil. han. Paraguay. South 
Alrica—wherever а few rule the m 
the possession of weapons i 
stricred to the military, uniformed police 
Torees and the secret. police. In Ch 
d women are be 


utory penalty was dea 
or even beheading. In the 
the m 


and ow 


s very hour, men 


tured by the most up-to-date CIA 
1 an effort to. force them to 


methods 
the location of their hidden weap- 
their guns. their rifles. And we can 
be certain ı the Communist. masters 
of modern China will never pass out 
firearms their 800,000,000 subject: 
Among dictatorships, only in Cuba, where 
revolution still enjoys popular 
support, docs there apparently exist a 
true citizens’ militia. 

There must be a moral in all of thi: 
When I try to think of a nation that 
has maintained its independence over 
centuries, and in which the citizens still 


retain their rights as free and independ 
ent people, not many come to mind. 1 
think of Switzerland, Swede 
Finland. And of our United States. 

When the legendary Swiss patriot Wil 
im ‘Tell shot the apple from his sows 
head, he 


ved a second arrow, 


may 


n independ 
Switzerland 
itional decisions are made 
and refereudum—direct 
id, in some cantons, by 
s in which all voters par- 
ticipa iss male serves in the. 
Swiss army and takes his rille home with 
him—where he keeps it until he's too old 
10 shoot straight. One of my grandlatlers 
came from Bern canton. 


open 


Although 1 own a few small-caliber 
weapons, I don't think Um a gun nut: I 
seldom take them off the wall. I gave up 
deer hunting 15 apo. when the 


hunters. be number the decr. I 
am not a member of the National Rifle 
ion and certainly am no Joh 
beral—and proud of 
theless, I am opposed, absolutely. 

o every move the state makes 10 r 
strict my right to bu 
carry a firearm, wheth 
OF course, we Gin 
mon-sense limit 
he sold to ch 
sme or icted ni Other 
1 that, ve we must regard with 
me suspicion any effort by the gov 
ernment—local. state tional— 
control our right to ai 
tion of firearms is the first step toward 
confiscation, The confiscation ol weapons 
would be a maj 1 probably 
step into authoritarian rule—the domi 
ton ol most of us by а new orde 
gentlemen, by a new rder oligarchy. 
The tank, the B5 
the state-controlled police and mil 
re the weapons of class rule. The rifle is 
weapon of democracy. Not oth. 
g was the revolver called an equalizer. 
us hope our weapons never 
needed—but let us not forget what. the 
founders of this nation knew when they 
wrote the Bill of Rights: An armed citi- 
zeury is the first defense. the best defense 
and the final defense ара 
IE guns 
and the police 


own, possess and 
1 rille or handgun. 
ce to а few con 
ions Guns should not 


dren, to the certiliably in 


secret. police w 
1, oh, yes. а few outlaws, I 
the outlaws. 


intend to be 


urd Abbey, a onetime fire lookout 
in Cascade National Park, usually writes 
about the wilderness and ils enemies. 


41 


The Christmas spirit has been known to overcome 
even the most frugal among us 


Johnnie Walker 
Black Label Scotch 
YEARS 15 OLD 
00 


JOHNNIE WALKER? BLACK LABEL 12 YEAR 010 BLENDEO SCOTCH WHISKY, 86.8 PROOF.BOTTLEO IN SCOTLAND. IMPORTED BY SOMERSET IMPORTERS, LTD., М.Ү. 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


Aker many years of indulging in the 
most basic form of sex—intercourse— 
1 met an uninhibited girl who introduced. 
me to the fine art of fellatio. She was 
surprised that I had never before cx- 
perienced that particular delight. After 
all, she said, it's been around forever. 
josity got the better of me: How old 
й oral sex? Certainly, the unsung heroine 
who first gave head ranks with the in- 
tor of the wheel, bread and pants. 
ппе Clark somehow missed thi 
t in his history of civ ion. Can 
you enlighten me? What is the earliest 
of fcllatioz—L. P., Cambridge, 
achusetts. 

We brushed the cobwebs from Ше 
shelves of our favorite adult bookstore. 
and came up with a candidate for the car- 
liest representation of oral sex: The 
‘Papyrus Ani” of the Egyptian “Book of 
the Dead” shows the goddess Isis per- 
forming fellatio on the mummified god 
Osiris—apparently in an attempt to call 
him back from the world of the dead. (If 
this doesn't get a rise oul of the old boy, 
nothing will.) The practice goes back 1o 
the dawn of man. If prostitution is the 
oldest profession, then fellatto—the stock 
in Wade of the ladies of the night—is the 
oldest trick in the book. Or the mouth. 
But one thing you should know about old 
tricks—they don’t get to be old if they 
don't work the first time. Or the second 
lime. Enjoy. 


ИМ. tong ago, І took my girlfriend to 
а porn movie. She noticed and later com- 
mented on the variety of shapes in wom- 
en’s genitals. Many of the women had 
protruding folds of skin. We wondered 
at might cause this; she suggested that 
it was the result of excessive masturba- 
tion or perhaps an overactive sex life. 
What do you sayz— T. L., Kansas City, 
Kansas. 

Next thing you know, they'll be blam- 
ing masturbation for the state of the 
economy. Singlehanded people through- 
oul the country ате forever saying, “We 
must be doing something wrong.” Aulo- 
eroticism is the original sin: If you're 
going to feel guilty about something, it 
might as well be something that feels 
good. The fact is that the only result of 
masturbation is pleasure, pure and sim- 
. The anatomical differences your girl- 
nd noticed are just part of the great 
diversity contained within the genetic 
. There's something for everyone, no 
matter what your taste. 


One of the great joys of my life is 
putting together special programs of 
my favorite songs on cassette tapes. The 


results are sometimes very creative: More 
than one of my friends has said that I 
could be a disc jockey. My girliriend is 
literally reduced to shivers every time 
she hears the subtle way I intercut Bec- 
thoven string quartets, Dylan's Blonde on 
an album of street noises re- 
corded in Brooklyn. The only problem 
with my hobby is trying to outguess the 
counter on my tape deck. What do those 
bers mean? Is there a simple way to 
out how much time I have left on 
а Cassette A. K. C o, Шіпої 

Only God and a Zen master of electron- 
ics know what the numbers on a digital 
counter are supposed 10 mean. Perform- 
ance varies among brands and among ma- 
chines of the same model. You will have 
to calibrate your own instrument, Set the 
counter at zero and play one side of a 
90-minute cassette—i.e., 45 minutes. Take 
the number on the counter and divide it 
into 2700. This will give you the ratio of 
seconds per number. For future reference, 
you may find it handy to write down the 
totals in digits for each of the sizes of 
casseltes you normally use. Then—with 
the care and patience of a Swiss watch- 
maker—you may be able to fit the great 
hits of John De 
minule demonstration cassette that came 
with your machine. 


als most of your 
- Tam ravenous. Lately, I have 
become obsessed with a desire to make 


love to another woman at least once in 
my life. How does a woman who is con- 
sidered straight (and rightfully so) go 
about finding someone of the same sex 
who is willing to experiment with a les- 
Do I run an ad? Wear a 
„ Tucson, Arizona 
Essentially, you are asking, How do you 
pick up girls? Well, it’s not easy. The 
same rules apply lo your predicament as 
apply to heterosexual encounters. Any 
one who sets out to find a one-night stand 
probably won't, Sex is usually more ful- 
filling when it is a consequence of every- 
else that between two 
people. As a rule, making love is easier 
with friends, That way, if it doesn't work 
out, you're still friends. Talk to the wom- 
en around you. You'll be surprised at how 
many share your curiosity. Most of them 
arc afraid of approaching strangers, of 
being seduced or of being used by a pro- 
fessional—someone who is familiar with 
the game. At an opportune moment, ask 
your companion if she would like to satis- 
fy her fantasy with an amateur. If she 
refuses, don't take it personally. Her hesi- 
lation originates with the same upbring- 
ing that made you shy in the first place. 


goes on 


A friend confessed to me that he and 
his wife have serious sexual problems. Of 
course, I told him to write to The 
Playboy Advisor. but he felt that the 
problems were 100 serious to be worked 
out in a letter. He wondered if you could 
recommend а sex therapist? Any id 
B. New York, New York. 

The field of sex counseling is overrun 
with quacks and turkeys who are perfectly 
willing to take your money for the benefit 
of watching you and your wife (or is it 
your friend and his wife?) take off your 
clothes and cop a feel or two. We do not 
think that someone who prescribes two 
dry-cell batteries and a vibrator. four 
times a day is what is needed in most 
cases. The American Association of Sex 
Educators, Counselors and Therapists of- 
fers a consumers’ guide listing qualified 
educators and therapists throughout the 
country. Those included in the directory 
adhere to a code that bans nudity and 
erotic body contact between therapist and 
patient. The book is yours for three dol- 
lars from AASECT, Suite 301, 5010 Wis- 
consin Avenue, NW, Washington, D.C. 
20016. Tell 'em “The Playboy Advisor” 
sent you. 


IM, boyfriend and 1 frequently experi- 
ence a phenomenon during lovemaking 
that I call energy transfer. Although sex 
with hi y astonishing, there are 
times when I'm just too tired. On such 
occasions, he is so full of vim, vigor and 


43 


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If you have any doubts 
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—— 


excess libido that I just give in. But then 
something strange J leave the 
bed full of vim, 
he's zonked. / 
absorb the energy he һа 
the one who's exhausted 
be so strange, except the same thing hap- 
pens in reverse. When I'm brighteyed 
and bushy-tailed, he'll submit, 
prestol—I'm exhausted and all of his sys- 
tems are go. We can't figure it out. We 
have never encountered it with other 
partners. Any answerz—Miss В. G., 
Gainesville, Florida. 

Our fost suggestion: Contact the Fed- 
eral Government. Science is always on Ihe 
lookout for alternate forms of energy. We 
сап see it now—giant generating plants 
filled with copulating couples. The per- 
Ject perpetual-motion machine and a sure 
cure for unemployment, What's more, it 
would be cleaner than nuclear power. 
Actually, there is no simple explanation 
Jer the phenomenon. We've heard of 
people who masturbate in the morning 
up (jacking off gets the old heart 
pumping). Weve heard of people who 
masturbate at night in order to sleep (it 
helps them unwind). For the one who's 
tired, it is possible that the increase in 
circulation that accompanies lovemaking 
is enough to raise the energy level. At the 
same time, the release of tension is enough 
to relax the other partner. As long as one 
of you doesn't end up with all of the 
energy, there’s nothing to worry about. 
Plug in and charge. If you ever meet as 
equals, watch out. 


and— 


Bye noticed that the day alter I use co- 
caine, 1 have the symptoms of a cold: My 
hose runs and my head feels congested 


| Do I have a cold? What's the cure—more 


coke? How should 1 take care of my 
nose?—L. K., Benton Harbor, Michigan. 
Asa cloud of coke dust settles over your 
nasal membrane, it is vapidly assimilated 
into the mucous lining. The lining is 
immediately anesthetized and the mem- 
branes shrink as their blood supply di- 
minishes. The cilia, or little hairs that 
normally filter air impurities, stop their 
oscillation, which in turn impedes mucus 
flow, When the drug wears off, the mucous 
membrane, having been deprived of blood 
for so long, demands more. The tissues 
inside the nasal passages fill with blood 
(much like a penis), causing your nose to 
become congested and head-cold symp- 
toms to appear. The erectile tissues, which 
swell during sexual excitation (hence the 
phrase having one's nose open), also be- 
come erect after prolonged. use of any 
nose drug such as a nasal decongestant. If 
this happens, vesist the templution simply 
to give yourself another blast of whatever 
caused the problem in the first place. That 
practice could evolve into a condition 
mentosa—a chron 


called rhinitis med 
ic nasal inflammation caused by overuse 
of medication. 


there aren't many people who 
make enough to buy enough flike to do 
themselves any damage. 
minish the possibility of discomfort by 
washing out the horn that keeps them 
h. One recipe calls for pouring a 
saline solution (a glass of water with a 
teaspoon of salt) into your nose. Don't 
worry, itll come out your mouth. Repeat 
three times. If you have nightmares about 
drowning and find the above remedy dis- 
tasteful, pour the solution into an atom- 
izer and give your nose several blasts. As 
they say, “Up yours.” 


okers can di- 


About 20 years аро, my brother cut a 
coupon from а box ol Quaker Oats cereal 
and acquired a deed to one square inch 
of land, somewhere in the Yukon or 
Alaska. The whole thing was a promo- 
tion sponsored in conjunction with a 
television show called Sergeant Preston 
of the Yukon. During a search of our 
parents’ attic, we came across the deed. 
Is it still. good? We have 
discovering that the Jand is in the middle 
of the Alaskan oil field and becoming 
rich if we can figure out how to sink a 
shalt one inch in diameter, Whatever be- 
came of our piece of the carthi—C. R 
Bozeman, Montana. 

Funny you should mention itz We just 
got a letter jrom a guy who wanted to 
open the MeDonald’y 
franchise on his portion of Sergeant Pres 
lon's homestead. Imagi 
golden arches. Some 270 200,000 deeds were 
handed out during the campaign, but 
none of the claim holders ever bothered 
to register their titles with the Yukon 
Territorial Land Office. (The kids obvi 
ously didn't read the fine print; perhaps 
they were too young to read.) Eventually, 
the government reclaimed the land (a 
19-асте parcel along the Yukon River) 
Jor $37 in back taxes. A spokesman for 
the Quaker Oats Company claims that 
it never veceiwwed the bill. Who are you 


visions of 


world’s smallest 


: one-inch-h 


going 10 busi—the bureaucracy or your 
breakfast cereal? 


10 pass the long 
ic Hight. She s 
ested taking along our vibrator 
recall reading something about electro 
devices’ being forbidden aboard 
planes; supposedly, they interfere 
the navigation and 
equipment. Am 1 
actly the kind of question you can ask 
the travel nL—W. 
Californi 

The vibrator is all right, though 
love to be standing in line to see the re- 
action of the security guards when the 
contents of your girl's carry-on luggage 
show up on the X-ray sere, 


with 
communications 
This is not ex- 


V., San Francisco, 


п. Your 


pleasure won't interfere with navigation, 
unless, of course, you fool around in full 
view of the cockpit. (We assume you plan 
on doing this under a blanket.) Some de- 
vices that are verboten are television sets, 
AM and FM receivers and С.В. radio sels. 
The approved list contains such useful 
items as pocket calculators (you can figure. 
out how much the trip is costing you), 
portable tape recorders, hearing aids and 
shavers. The spokesman for the airline 
we talked to did ask us to warn passen- 
gers against carrying such things as 
matches or lighter fluid in their checked. 
baggage. While the two of you are going 
down on each other in the cabin, the 
plane could be going down in flames. 


technique. We dis- 
agreed on how long one should continue 
a given activity. Most of us seem to fol 
low the same pattern: We 
ng and groaning 
then we jump on board, hoping to body- 
surf on the wave of her orgasm. One of 
the guys sai bad to break rhythm: 
if the girl is moaning, it means she likes 
you're doing and you should keep 
right on doing it. He said that diligence 
never f; to drive women out of their 
minds. You can sce that the diversity of 
opinion has us stumped, Is there a right 
д go, Illinois. 

Each person's fingerprints are different, 
and the way cach couple reaches orgasm 
is also unique. The first theory you men- 
tion suggests that there is a differenc 
tween foreplay and what follows. The 
mechanical model of sex suggests that a 
man has to earn his pleasure by preparing 
a woman. The drawbacks 10 that ap- 
proach are well known. Catch the wave 
and alls well; miss and you may be 
washed up. The second theory you men- 
tion is potentially more rewarding: There 
is no foreplay, only play. If you are doing 
something and the woman likes it, keep 
doing il. Do it long enough and you'll 
come around to the same point again; 
then you can jump on board. Or maybe 
she'll take control of the action. When it 
comes to a discussion of technique, you 
should realize. that everything works at 
onc lime or another. Try it both ways. 
Settle into the one that gives you and 
your partner more pleasure, and then, 
just for the heaven of it, break the 
pattern. 


All reasonable questions from fashion, 
food and drink, sterco and sports cars 
to dating dilemmas, taste and eliquelle— 
will be personally answered if the writer 
includes a stamped, self-addressed en- 
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi- 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages cach month. 


The Bolex Travelogue. 
Look, Listen... 


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both motion and live sound for 
a magical experience that ‘stills’ 
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easy, with built-in automatic 
exposure and sound control. 
And, you enjoy Hollywood 
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without movie lights. All yours 
from Bolex, the most respected 
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Other models with features and 
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to your Bolex dealer. Or 

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ALITTLE LESS THAN 


A MEAL. 
ALITTLE MORE THAN 
A SNACK. . 


Whenyou work hard all day, you can 
really work up an appetite. 

And the last thing you want, when 
youre that hungry. is some sissy snack 
youll hardly know you ate. 

You can't very well carry a meal in 
your pocket, of course. But you can 
carry Slim dint The all-meat snack. 

Your grocer has it in mild. spicy, 
pizza, bacon. and salami. And it's 
easy to take along. wherever you are. 
Пу it for work breaks. indoors. 
or out. Or tuck a few into your 
lunchbox, to add a little spice. 

Slim Jim. It's for any time 
you re hungry. anywhere. 

When you ve eaten one. you'll 
know you ve had something 


slim im 


45 


PLAYBOY 


© ea REYNOLDS товлссо со. 


To the 56000000 


people who smoke 
cigarettes. 


A lot of people have been telling you not to smoke, especially cigarettes with 
high ‘tar’ and nicotine. But smoking provides you with a pleasure you don't want 
to give up. 

Naturally, we're prejudiced. We're in the business of selling cigarettes. 

But there is one overriding fact that transcends whether you should or 
shouldn’t smoke and that fact is that you do smoke. 

And what are they going to do about that? 

They can continue to exhort you not to smoke. Or they might look reality 
in the face and recommend that, if you smoke and want low ‘tar’ and nicotine 
in a cigarette, you smoke a cigarette like Vantage. 

And well go along with that, because there is no other cigarette like Vantage. 
Except Vantage. - 

Vantage hasa unique filter thatallows rich flavor | VANTAGE 
tocome through it and yet substantially cuts down 
on ‘tar’ and nicotine. 

Not that Vantage is the lowest ‘tar’ and nicotine 
cigarette. (But you probably wouldn t like the lowest д 
tar and nicotine cigarette anyway.) мено. 

The plain truth is that smoke has to VANTAGE = 
come through a filter if taste is to come 085. 
through a filter. And where there is taste 
there has to be some tar. 

But Vantage is the only cigarette that 
gives you so much flavor with so little ‘tar’ 
and nicotine. 

So much flavor that you'll never miss 
your high 'tar cigarette. 


€t 
07%, 
Р T nicotine 
Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. FILTER: 11 mg. “tat”. 0.7 mg. nicotine, MENTHOL: TI mg. "tar". 
46 0.8 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette, FTC Report APR. `76. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


a continuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers 


ROTTEN TO THE CORPS 

lam a graduate of the U. S. Military 
Academy, class of 1973. Recent publicity 
has focused attention on some areas of 
our military academies that need changes, 
but it has only scratched the surface, One 
of the basic problems is that the adminis 
tration at West Point runs the academy 
on the principle of repression. TI 
spawns a desire by cadets to perfect thei 
skill at breaking the rules. Duc to the 
pettiness of the majority of regulations, 
cadets who violate them do so believing 
they are doing nothing wrong. Once the 
code is broken, subsequent violations be- 
r llis and Moore so accu- 
rately state in School for Soldiers, "Ihe 
bsence of guilt and the parallel convic- 
tion that the punishment was undeserved 
combined to sanction violations of the 
Honor Code (particularly lying) as а 
means to avoid getting caught." Add to 
this atmosphere the obvious disregard for 
honor, integrity and morality in the mili- 
ry (Major General. Koster and suppres- 
on of facts about My Lai, the Officers 
Club scandal and cover-up, the Army 
meat scandal former Secretary of the 
Army Howard Calloway and his ski resort, 
the widespread daily falsification of re- 
ports) and in society (Nixon, Agnew and 
their law-and-order Administration) and 
large cheating rings become less shocking 
and more understandable. The only 
questions аге: Why has West 
Point not changed the academic system 
to make it less conducive to cheating? 
How many of the Army's senior officers 
misbehaved as cadets? Is West Point, in 
present form, needed by this society? 
The use of precedents as rationale for 
oppressive, outdated pol it 
clear that West Point is run regressively. 
Due to its desire to remain unchanged, 
meaningful reform will not occur except 
as imposed from outside the military seg- 
ment of our society. I write these words as 
a concerned citizen, officer and graduate. 

Ist Lt. Charles Dana Bickford 
Lawton, Oklahoma 


PSEUDO RIGHT 

One of the great mistakes one can 
make in considering an issue is to accept 
1 opponent's definition of it, Many 
supporters of the 1973 Supreme Court 
decision on abortion needlessly torture 
themselves by treating the right-to-life 
slogan as if it were а meaningful and 
profound position. It is not. Whether 
asserted in the Declaration of Independ 
ence or by the current movement to 
hibit abortion, it is a pseudocog 


assertion, a phrase that seems to тед 
something but actually doesn't. In any 
moment of our lives, we may violate the 
righttodife precept. The woman who 
makes a decision to destroy her monthly 
living egg, whether through birth co 
trol or abstinence, or the male who 
destroys his living sperm, through mastur 
bation, contraception or vasectom 

Killing human life just as surely as any- 
one performing an abortion. The right- 
tolife movement has merely arbitrarily 
and by human—not divine or scientific— 
fiat declared the fertilized egg to h: 
more life than the unfertilized one. I 


“Ts West Point, in 
its present form, needed 
by this society?” 


might 
build a ne 


add that if we buy a new car or 
church, we are actually de- 
use those funds could be 


The really crucial question is: Does 
the right to abortion, in balance with 
other rights, lead. to generally more de- 
sirable social consequences th: 
prohibition? And the respons 
would seem to be that it does. The right- 
to-life issu ous fiction, 

Robert Primack 


SMALL SKELETONS 

I am astonished that the abortion de- 
bate is still continuing in The Playboy 
Forum, as well as elsewhere. Certainly, 
whether abortion is legal or illegal, the 
majority of those who want to terminate 
a pregnancy will find some way to do 
so, or to do worse. Nicholas von Hofi- 
nu in his column in The Washington 
Post, quotes an aged Italian farm woman 
who describes what happens in a country 
where the influence of the Catholic 
Church is strong enough io prevent legal 
abortions: 


We wouldn't even tell our hu 
bands we were pregnant, nor our 
mothers-in-law, who used to live in 
the family. It would all be agreed 
among us young wives. Then, when 
the moment had come, we would 
leave the men in the fields for a 
while, we would give birth to the 
child with the help of some sister or 
sister in law, and then we would go 
back to work so the men wouldn't 
know. We wouldn't сусп sce the 
child. The women helping us would 
take care of suffocating the child and 
burying it in the fields. From time to 
time, it happened that our men on 
the tractors would find one of the 
small skeletons, and then we would 
look astonished. It must be the gyp- 
s,” we would say. But, no, it 
our children. 


si 


Is this sort of thing really better than 
allowing safe, legal abortions to women 
who are determined not to have children? 
(Name withheld by request) 


Silver Spring, Maryland 


RIGHTEOUS RIGHT 

Most liberty-loving individuals would 
agree with the sentiments put forth in 
Part IV of The Nixon Legacy: Burying 
the Bill of Rights (rLaxsox, October). 
Clearly, the Supreme Court has aban- 
doned its libertarian heritage in recent 
years in such decisions as Stone vs. Powell 
and United States vs. Janis. Laws militat- 
ing against consensual sexual practices, 
ivate use of marijuana and the like do. 
indeed, strike at the very heart of our free 


society. 
"The editorial errs grievously. however, 
to the extent of bordering on the irre 


sponsible, when it states that “the men in 
black pushed the pendulum . . . as far to 
the right as it will go.” During the past 


40 years or so, the right has been the 
single moderating force against the 
progresive degeneration of individual 


47 


PLAYBOY 


48 


liberties masterminded by the left. It is the 
left that advocates various schemes that 
purport to redistribute the wealth. It is 
the left that believes that what is wrong 
when done by the individual, eg., theft, 
is justified when done by the collective, 
ati 

PLAYBOY committed a grave injustice 
by attributing an antilibertarian morality 
to the American right. 


Luke Brown 

Cleveland. Ohio 
Wrong; there are two rights. There's 
the libertarian right, which opposes Gov- 
ernment intervention into economic ac- 
tivity and into people's private lives. It 
is typified by the Libertarian Party, which 
ran Roger L. MacBride for President in 
the last election, and by the followers of 
Ayn Rand. Then there is the vack-and. 
thumbscrew right, which advocates enor- 
mous military expenditures (paid for by 
taxation) and enthusiastically supports 
all kinds of Government encroachments 
on individual liberty. It opposes equal 
rights for women, legal abortion and 
marijuana decriminalization. 1t favors 
censorship of pornography and laws reg- 
ulating private sexual behavior, Ronald 
Reagan, a rack-and-thumbscrew man from 
way back, acknowledged and rejected the 
libertarian right in an interview in Chris- 
ity Today, when he was asked about 

California's new consensual-sex law: 


4 would have vetoed it. I know 
there is a quarrel here with many 
very fine people who have a lib- 
ertarian approach to government. 
They believe in more individual 
freedom and some would carry lib- 
ertarianism all the way to whatever 
an individual wants to do. But I have 
always believed that the body of 
man-made law must be founded 
upon the higher natural law. You 
can make immorality legal, but you 


cannot make it moral. 


The libertarian right tends to be ra- 
tionalistic in its pronouncements, where 
as the authoritarian right tends to rely 
on mystifying bullshit like the above. 
That is one sure way to tell them apart. 


PARDON PROPOSAL 

It's all very well to show the world how 
tough the U. S. is, as in the Mayaguez and 
Korcan tree-chopping incidents; but how 
about some gestures that show this 
to be civilized, wise and just? Specifi 
I suggest an official pardon for Nicola 
Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti. In an 
artide in The New York Times Maga- 
zine, Walter Goodman points out that 
August 22, 1977, will be the 50th anniver 
sary of the execution of the two an- 
archists, who were convicted of murders 
during a payroll robbery. Whether or not 
they were guilty will probably never be 
known, but it is clear [rom the record 
that judge and jury condemned them be- 
»born anarchists, 


cause they were Ма 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas 


FUN CITY 
NEW vonk—Three men have been 
charged with operating an expensive 
prostitution ring out of the New York 
City morgue. According to police, the 
men used the medical examiner's office 
in the Bellevue Hospital complex as a 
nighttime base from which they ar- 
ranged dates for at least ten callgirls 
who charged fees ranging up to 5250. 


GETTING IT UP IN FRANCE 

rAKISC—Sex in France is on the de- 
cline and sterility and impotence are 
up, reports a Paris sex specialist who 
blames these trends on the stress and 
pace of contemporary living. Dr. Albert 
Netler, a gynecologist who established 
France's main artificial-insemination 


center several years ago, 1014 а newspa- 
per that sex among young married 
couples has declined from a daily to a 
weekly or even а monthly occurrence. 
He attributes this to “modern life, with 
its procession of faligue and nervous ir- 
ritation. People are too exhausted at the 
end of the day to think about making 
love.” Anxiety, he noted, is a frequent 
cause of sterility and impotence. 


CONSENSUAL SEX 
AUSTRALIA—The Labor government 
in South Australia has proposed legisla- 
tion that will enable wives to charge 
their husbands with таре. Said Attorney 
General Don Duncan: “We don’t hold 


with that old-fashioned nonsense here— 
that a wife must submit to sex with her 
husband whenever he wishes it. Our 
government believes that all laws which 
continue to treat a wife as property of 
her husband and marriage as a con- 
tract of ownership should be abolished.” 


KEEP THE FAITH 

LIBERTY, NEW YORK—Over 1000 resi- 
dents of Sullivan, Ulster and Orange 
counties have become mail-order minis- 
ters in protest against the tax-exempt 
status of valuable church-owned prop- 
спу in that area of the Catskills. By 
entering the ministry of the Universal 
Life Church, a California “religion” 
that attracted large numbers of young 
men seeking draft exemptions, citizens 
can theoretically avoid. property taxes. 
Some 275 persons were ordained at one 
time їп а five-minute ceremony conduct- 
ed at a Liberty cocktail lounge by a 
mail-order Universal Life bishop. At a 
news conference, local tax officials said 
they would grant a $1500 deduction 
from the property assessment of anyone 
who filed the necessary incorporation 
papers and performed church work in 
his home. 


ONE NATION, UNDER GOD 

A recent Gallup Poll found that Amer- 
icans are as pervasively religious as 
they were in 1948 and that the U. S., of 
60 non-Communist countries surveyed, 
ranks second only to India in religious 
commitment. Ninety-four percent of the 
poll's respondents said they believe in 
God or a universal spirit; 69 percent 
believe in life after death; and 56 per- 
cent hold religion to be “very impor- 
tant” in their lives. 


CASE CLOSED 

WASHINGTON, be Alone General 
Edward H. Levi has ovdered the FBL 
to end its 38-year investigation of the 
Socialist Workers Party. The action 
ends a case thal amassed 8,000,000 file 
entries and involved numerous illegal 
burglaries and hundreds of acts of har- 


asment under the FBIs Counter- 
Intelligence Program. No criminal 
charges had been filed against any mem- 


ber of the party or ils affiliate, the 
Young Socialist Alliance, since 1940, 
when 18 members were convicted of se- 
dition under the Smith Act, which was 
later ruled unconstitutional. The party 
is presently suing the Government for 
$40,000,000, alleging that the FBI has 
employed 316 regular paid informers 


against it since 1960 and has used some 
1300 other informants to spy on the 
group, which claims a membership of 
fewer than 2500 persons. 


ANTISMUT HEADQUARTERS 

NEW YoRK—The National Obscenity 
Law Center has been relocated in New 
York City under the auspices of Moral- 
ily in Media, Inc., and will continue 
to support the efforts of state and local 
prosecutors to combat pornography. The 
center was set up several years ago at a 
Lutheran college in California and re- 
ceived Federal funds until defense attor- 
neys objected. Now privately funded, the 
organization will continue lo function 
as a clearinghouse for information 
and legal briefs for pornography prose- 
cutors, especially those in smaller com 
munities. The office, which will operate 
on a $250,000 annual budget, is headed 
by Anthony С. Simonetti, former special 
state prosecutor in charge of investigat: 
ing the 1971 prison riot at Attica. Опе 
member of the centers advisory board is 
Carl A. Vergari, Westchester County dis. 
trict attorney, who said he believed that 
such a service would be “invaluable to 
district attorneys all across the country.” 


PUBLIC NUISANCES 
rowpoN—The British government's 


Home Office committee has declared 
that men who publicly solicit sex from 
women have become a “national nui 
sance” and has recommended that per- 
sistent offenders be jailed for three 


months or fined $180. The commit- 
tee also recommended that streaking 
be treated as a minor violation instead 
of a sexual offense, so that “the rela- 
tively innocent prankster” will avoid 


“the stigma of conviction for indecent 
ex posure. 


COED DORMS 


STANFORD, CALIFORNIA—Two Stan- 


ford University researchers are finding 
that coed dorms seem to attracl a higher 
caliber of student than segregated hous- 
ing. Rudolj Н. Moos and Jean Otio of 
the department of psychiatry report that 


the collegians who choose the coed 
dorms tend to have higher academic and 
career aspirations and that the women, 
especially, participate more in social 
and cultural activities and have better 
selfimages than those living in all- 
women housing 


ROCKEFELLER’S FOLLY 

WASHINGTON, D.C—New York State's 
drug laws are considered the toughest in 
the country, but in the first two years 
after they took effect in the fall of 1973, 
there were “fewer dispositions, convic- 
lions and prison sentences for drug of- 
fenses" than under the old laws. The 
siaff of the Drug Law Evaluation Project, 
working under a Justice Department 
grant, found that “none of the key in- 
dicators of successful implementation 
have been evident: The risk of pun- 
ishment facing offenders did not in- 
crease noticeably; the number of drug 
offenders sentenced to prison declined; 
and the speed with which cases were 
processed did not improve.” The study 
is the first Federally sponsored evalu- 
ation of the so-called Rockefeller Laws, 
which reclassified many drug crimes as 
felonies, mandated long prison sen- 
tences and severely restricted the plea- 
bargaining options of defendants. The 
researchers noted that the heavier pen- 
alties have made it easier for police to 
induce suspects to become informers. 


rather than because of evidence against 
s Goodman puts it, “Sacco and 
aid for what they were, as well 
as for their alleged crime, and so we 
still have them on our conscience.“ 

Ford pardoned Nixon, Jimmy Carter 
proposed a pardon for Vietnam draft 
evaders. Why not a 50th-anniversary par- 
don for Sacco aud Vanzetti? 

E. Ross 
New York, New York 


IN COLD BLOOD 

T must assume those who oppose сар 
tal punishment never had a friend or 
loved one murdered. In the past ye: 
two friends of mine were killed in cold 
blood. One was shot with a .38-caliber 
pistol by a youth who fired from the 
open window of a passing city bus. My 
friend was struck in the head and died 
where he had been standing, in front of 
a corner candy store. The other went 
10 the aid of a young man who was being 
robbed in broad daylight at a bus stop. 
in a busy shopping section of the Bronx. 
The three thugs turned on my friend 
and while wo of them held him, the 
third stabbed him repeatedly. He died in 
the police car en route to the hospital. 
His murder was witnessed by countless 
people, but Im sure, with justice the 
way it is nowadays, his killers will get off 
lightly. 

Those who are against capital punish- 
ment would change their tune if murder 
struck close to them. 


B. F. Ryan 
Bronx, New Vork 


After the Supreme Court decisions ap- 
proving capital punishment under cer- 
conditions, Jim Bishop wrote in his 
syndicated column: 


prosecutors 
to believe that capital punishment is 
a deterrent to others. The Supreme 
Court said this has never been 
proved. 

How cin it stop future murders 
when the killer is executed in se- 
crecy? Kill him in public. Come one, 
come all—watch a man fry. Let 
everyone see what can happen if 
you take a life. 

As a first step, we should make 
five-minute color movies of cach ex- 
ecution. Copies should be sent to all 
Federal, state and county jails 

Show it in the mess halls. All 
prisoners should be forced to watch 
it. In the main, these are the future 
killers. Give them a close-up of what 
the end of the road looks like. 


Is this guy for real? Isn't this proposal 
somewhat reminiscent of Hitler's home 
movies of the tortures in concentration 
camps? 

What ever happened to the idea 
that some criminals, at least, can be 


49 


50 


The Nixon Legacy: Part VI 


THE QUESTION OF CAPITAL PUNISHMENT 


Capital punishment is an expression of society's moral 
outrage al particularly offensive conduct. This function 
may be unappealing to many, but it is essential to an or. 
dered society that asks its citizens to rely on legal proc- 
esses rather than self-help to vindicate their wrongs. 


—U. S. SUPREME COURT 


ed the country's Bicentennial 
by revising its 1972 decision and holding that, on second 
thought, the death penalty is neither cruel nor unusual. It 
abandoned the old erime-deterrence argument, finding the 
evidence “inconclusive” either way, and based its ruling on 
the democratic proposition that the real purpose of execu 
tion is to satisfy popular demand. With the logie of back- 
woods politicians, the Court, led by Nixon appointees, 
"moral outrage at particularly offensive con- 
duct” compels the state to hold blood sacrifices, lest citizens 
lose patience with their 

But docs official Killing really discoura 
If it did, its opponents could be written off 
humanitarians who need to spend some time in the urban 
jungle, driving а cab or working at an all-night g i 
But the evidence—even though the Court called it inconclu- 
sive—does seem to show that the death penalty actually 
inspires more murder than it deters. and does so by the 
same process of example the Court claims will discourage 
vigilantism. Instead of holding people's lives 10 be inviolate 
under all circumstances, state execution lends moral re 
spectability to killing. Professor Louis Jolyon West de- 
scribed this process in 1971: 


The Supreme Court celebra 


No matter how ultimate the dea 
tion may seem, or how rarely it 
existence ceptance in the 
that it is permissible—even desirable—to resolve i 
by murder; it is only necessary to define the criteria 
justification. 


h penalty as a sol 
is employed. its offic 


ial 
iw symbolizes the fact 


es 
for 


The Gover s ло kill 
ly. lose most 
Мис», but ultimately the s 
ole of the outraged husband or insulted bar- 
з combatant and sa 


nt may take months or 
person, spend many thous 


nds to do it le 


үз, "The bastard had it coming.’ 
‘The Supreme Court may consider the deterrence statistics 
conclusive, but dozens of studies since the Twenties find 
just the opposite—that murder rates are often higher in 
death-penalty states than in neighboring states and that mur- 
der rates tend to increase around the time of a highly pub 
licized execution. Apologists for execution corre 
that we can't accurately judge its deterrence value whe 
criminal-justice system is so slow and inefficient. A man kills 
somebody and cight years later, he fries because he couldn't 
afford a good lawyer; 1000 other men do the same thing 
па get off easy. But, as criminologists point out, this coun- 
try is not prepared to engage in the wholesale execution of 
murderers, much less of other criminals. And the simple fact 
is that murder, the principal target of the death penalty, 
is the one crime least discouraged by harsh penalties 


Penny 
nor tried 
vader, to the 


or even sensible, 
ills only by accident or in a panic situation. If thar makes 
im a likely candidate for electrocution, logic dictates that 
me applies to the rapist 


he leave no liv 
or kidnaper. 


But what most worries criminologists is the evidence that 
the death penalty may well incite certain mentally deranged 
people to use murder—espedally mass murder aud other 
bizarre and horrible crimes—as a means of conscious or un- 
conscious suicide, This morbid psychological phenomenon is 
thought to account for the increase in homicide around the 
time of se ıl executions, for the tendency of one mass 
murder to trigger others and for the large number of false 
confessions given to police when a particularly brutal or 
bizarre killing outrages the commun 

Commenting on one murderer's calm acceptance of execu- 
tion, criminology professor Bernard L. Diamond wrote: 


{have observed this peculiarly passive. anxiety-tree 
stare vio 
lence. Such acts are appropriately designated terminal 
acts. They occur at the end of a long build-up of cmo- 
i i nflict; the intense passion no 
nd the actor, out of a sense of 
commits his violent deed fully belie 
ic his miserable existence. 


great desperatior 
ag it will termin 


In the mind of the irrational mu 
being locked up in a cell for Ше 
holds no great appeal. but the prospect of be 
from anonymity to celebrity, selected by the state for cei 
monious execution—to “ride the lightnin -can provide a 
stronger motivation to kill than to live. 

So much for th tellectual object 
ment. Let's dispatch some of the myths 

= It docs not, in fact, save taxpayers’ money. 

don the legal sileguards that are supposed 10 prevent 

i g years of costly appeals and 

special leg E ee s, usually paid for by the statc—it 

will always be cheaper to incarcerate a man for 40 years than 

to put him to death. In 1971, the state of A 

an estimated $1,500,000 simply by commutin 
sentences of 15 men to life imprisonment. 

- Despite these extensive legal safeguards, an innocent 
man may still be executed. Ten years and $100,000 worth 
ol appeals not undo an otherwise legal conviction based 
on the testimony of one important witness who was 
taken or who lied in court. 

Many a murderer росу free to kill again not be 
he eludes the electric chair but because the chai 
prosecutor who has less than a perfect capital case may 
we the odds on conviction and the reluctance of jurors 
10 impose the death sentence and elect to prosecute for 
lesser crime than the one committed. 

Current enthusi 
less on fa 


lerer, the prospect. of 
nd forgotten by history 


ns to capital punish 


ansas saved 
the death 


usc 
exists. The 


med robbers who prey 
ent citizen minding his own business. Our 
Supreme Court Justices, like cynical witch doctors in some 
primitive society, seem to agree among themselves that this 
magic may not be much good, but it vents frust and 
makes people feel that the Government is doing its job. WI 
it’s doing is condoning murder as an appropriate response 
10 a terrible grievance, instead of correcting the problems 
in our society, our courts and our criminal-justice system. 
Despite the High Court's action, the issue of the death 
penalty is still alive. The question now is whether legisla 
tors will have either the wisdom or the courage to abolish 
state sanctioned killing, even though it is constitutional. 


nno 


This is the sixth in a series of editorials. 


rehabilitated and should h oppor 


у. with the 
hope. Im no 
who wants da 
ng the streets (although 1 did 
хоп). However, Bishop's pro- 
posals make Ronald Reagan look like a 
blceding-heart liberal. 

Ralph C. C. 
Liverpool. New York 


Prison, 
I killed 
self-defense, but 


1 ат оп 1 dea ath row in Ceni 


т feel I 


I believe that if our Government kills 
people, then it is only fair to expect that 
the people will follow thar example. By 
allowing the mass execution of over 430 
people on death rows throughout the 
country, our Government not only con- 
ing bur officially sanction: 
Would gun control be a more real- 
t to violent e than 


I would not 
If the United 
States Government ot taught me 
how to shoot a gun, I wouldn't have 
known how to use onc. I suy Nel a year 


e. 
Hudson Jones 
North Carolina 


ical weapons, 
a a SET and 
h my two 
when a 
home 
entire defenseless 
and shot exch in the 
ittle better 
С my home 


Just owning 
Winchester 


knowing 1 could fight ba 
were attacked. 

This leads to the feeling that I also 
would not vely allow anybody to 
of my guns just because 


s such as the DISARM lobby 
might be successful in "esting such Iegis- 


a lot of people who would ibe willing to 
shoot it out with anybody who 
personal prop 
ered gun owner, Fd 
ayal of my trust to have 
that information used to locate me and 
confiscate my weapons. 

1 don't think we can rely on legis- 
Tators to do all of our thi ng for 
us. The draft laws became unworkable 
and gun-confiscation laws would be 


For a free booklet on old battles. crocks and 
jugs; write Boss Edens at The Distillery. 


lin pA 
Кук” 


E 


TEE ОШО) BOr дъ e аә 
days when Jack Daniel made them to observe 
special occasions. 


One was for winning the Gold Medal at the 
1904 World’s Fair. And another, in 1896, on 
the 100th anniversary of Tennessee statehood. 
He even had his nephew make a special 
bottle for his favorite hotel, the Maxwell 
House, in Nashville. 

But when it came to 
whiskey, Mr. Jack insisted 


CHARCOAL 
on charcoal mellowing MELLOWED 
every drop. He was too 4 о, 
good а whiskey man б 
to change that, no matter ЖЕЛЕКТЕР 


what the occasion. 


Tennessee Whiskey - 90 Proof - Distilled and Bottled by Jack Daniel Distillery 
Lem Motlow, Prop., Inc., Lynchburg (Pop. 361), Tennessee 37352 


Placed in the National Register of Historic Places by the United States Government. 


51 


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unworkable from the start, Even democ- 

racy has its limit 
(Name withheld by request) 
Chicago, Illinois 


A frequently used argument against 
gun control is that it will hurt only the 
law-abiding citizen, who can be trusted 
to use guns responsibly. Another is that 
if guns were not available, people would 
commit murders with other weapons, 

A sad story recounted in The New 
York Times contradias both of these 
arguments. It is written by a man who: 
friend was a likable, useful, uppermid- 
dle class person who collected rifles 
handguns, The prototypal li 
zen. But when his wile of 
threatened to leave him, he became ex- 
tremely disturbed and used a .357 mag- 

um to kill her and himself, The author 
comments: 


One of Carl's friends told me this 
proved it was carefully planned. The 
.357 magnum meant Carl didn't 
want Norma to suffer. That friend 
and others were reluctant to a 
guns us factors in the event. 
are simply tidier 0 
one. But Carl was а st с, order- 
ly man. I doubt he could ever have 
done the job with less efficient, mess- 
der weapons. It had to be over in a 
moment. So he used the mercy weap- 
on, the no-pain gun, the .357 mag- 
num. It was handy їп a house of guns. 


It's simply fabe that if guns were 
available, people would kill one an- 
other with other weapons. Guns provide 
the easiest and most efficient way to kill 
people. The author ends his article by 
writing, “Damn those guns.” Amen. 

С. Moore 

New York, New York 

For another view on gun control, see 

“The Right to Arms,” by Edward Abbey, 
on page 41. 


INCESTUOUS ESCAPADE 
The letter “My Sister, My Love,” from 
the man in St. Petersburg, Florida, who 
made love to his sister (Playboy Forum, 
September) brought back memories of my 
own incestuous escapade of many years 
rriving home one afternoon и 
ctedly, when the rest of the family was 
I passed my 17-year-old daughter 
ng the bathroom with nothing on 
but a towel. As was my custom, I grabbed 
her and kissed her. Immediately, she re- 
laxed in my arms and murmured, “Oh, 
Daddy, I've wanted you for so long, and 
this is our chance,” It would have taken 
a stronger man than I am to withstand 
the emotions I felt, and 1 led her to bed. 
I suppose I screwed my daughter a 
dozen times after that, before she left for 
college. She has now been married for 
many years and has children of her own. 


There is no greater love than that still 
existing between us. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Santa Rosa, California 


І agree with rav opposition to 
moralistic censorship, but I believe cer- 
tain writings should be kept from print 
because they are stupid. А case in point. 
5 the letter titled "My Sister, My Love." 
The author, a philosopher, explains how, 
in a fit of guiltless lust, he notched his 
sister the day after her husband was bur- 
ied. I don't care if this guy screws walla- 
bies or hugs his mother’s hump, but I do 
care about spending $1.50 to read bull- 
shit that I can sce for free on the wall of 
my gas station's rest room, After drying 
rs that night, our hero began to 
think I expressed my philosophy 


or "I can't really comment on be- 

fore, but I sure as hell agree on since. 
Russell В. deBeauclair 
Detroit, Michigan 


ROYKO ON REEMS 
Mike Royko’s column is reprinted at 
times in a Sacramento paper. I've en- 
joyed his humorous attacks on despotism 
in Chicago; but now he seems to have 
joined the oppressors, having written a 
column that applauds the Harry Reems 
Deep Throat prosecution and derides the 
idea that a defense of Reems is a defense 
of more serious artists, He even says, "Ex- 
cept for the efforts of an occasional local 
school board or prosecutor, I can't even 
remember when a book or film of even 
the slightest merit has been bothered by 
any real censorship.” Apparently, he's 
forgotten that Carnal Knowledge was 
found obscene all the way up to the 
Georgia Supreme Court under the com- 
munitystandards guidelines and was ab. 
solved only on its final appeal to the U. S. 
Supreme Court, 
Royko writes, “What the prosecution 
of Harry Reems represents is not a threat 
to our freedom but a challenge to lousy 
taste.” He'd better think twi bout that 
опе. If people could be prosecuted on 
grounds as vague as bad taste, Mayor 
Daley would have found an excuse to 
put Royko behind bars years ago. 
Charles L. Anderson 
Sacramento, € 


alifornia 


GREEN DOOR ON TRIAL 

I was invited to Washington, D.C., to 
appear as an expert defense witness at yet 
another ti of Behind the Green Door, 
which by this time must almost be tied 
with Deep Throat in total number of 
busts. But trust the antiobscenity profes- 
sionals to come up with a new twist in 
harassment. In People s. Gage and Hel- 
ler, the indictment listed 142 separate 
counts—one for each screening of the film 
between the time it opened and the time 
shut down by the police. And each 
count carries with it a penalty of a year in 


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PLAYBOY 


54 


ine of $5000. That's a maxi 
ty of 142 years, plus $710,000, 
should the judge so decide. 

The tri l was held in the vast but 
seedy Dis of Columbia Superi 
Courthouse, in a large and cheerless room 
decorated only by the American flag and 
two no-nonsense signs reading No SMOKING 
AT ANY TIME, But I was favorably im- 
pressed by Judge Tim Murphy, a tall, 
courtly man with graying h. ad Var 
dyke, Опсе the stand, I 
Ап" help but contrast his deme: 
h that of Judge Harry Wellford, of the 
nlamous Deep Throat tial in Memphis. 
ту Parrish, the Memphis prose. 
entered an objection то a defense 
n, he was inv ed by 
When Bruce Kr 
Reems's lawyer, entered a 
most always denied. Judge Mur- 
phy didn’t make this prosecutor's job any 
casier. At the request of the defense, he 
ordered the prosecutor to give reasons for 
his objections. Several. times, after objec 
tions from one side or the other, the 
judge would pause to weigh the merits 
of the arguments before sustaining or 
denying. 

The trial is over, having ended in a 
hung jury. Which means the 
be reopened and tried ара 
something grim about the prospect that 
the Government can keep prosecui 
until it gets the sentence that it wants 
until the victim is financially broken. 


T had taken 


objection, 


Апі ur Knight 


RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES 

The letter written by Harry B. Cole- 
man (The Playboy Forum, September) re- 
ferriug to the tribulations he encountered 
in being issued the now-infamous F vou 
California license plate clearly demon- 
strates the difficulty r idividuals have 
these days isti g between a 
right and Пере. attorney lor 
the California Department of Motor 
Vehicle 1 other cases involving 
tes, I believe that 
a license plate is issued for the purpose of 
yehicle identification; not issued as a 
forum for free speech. The California 
Vehicle Code's provision calling for the 
cancellation of any plate carrying words 
with “connotations offensive to good taste 
and decency” has resulted in the recall of 
plates such as xiccer and ja. which were 
offensive to large Segment of the public. 

In the case involving Coleman's plate, 
the Department of Motor Vehicles did 
not spend $11,000, as Coleman claimed: 
the figure was closer to Coleman, 
furthermore, gives a distorted and biased 
view of the testimony of Dr. S. I. Haya- 
kawa, who appeared as the state's ex- 
pert witness. The court ruled that by 
pplying contemporary commi 
ards, the plate was not offensive. I would 
have thought that ce Coleman had 
been allowed to retain the p he 


would be humble in victory. But those 
who benefit most from the system are 
often its most vehement critics. 
John A. DeRonde, Jr. 
Attorney at Law 
Fairheld, California 


TRICKY TREAT 

Last Halloween, a costume party was 
happening and my girlfriend, who's 
cocktail tress, had to work: so I was 
on my own. Since we are nearly the same 
ize, I decided to wear one of her w 
outfits, complete with panty hos 
party. Before she left for work, she laid 
out a wig, skirt and all the other articles 
for me to wear. When I tried to put 
everything on that evening. my Jockey 
shorts looked like hell under the panty 
hose; so I decided to make the outfit 
complete and rummaged through her 
drawer for a pair of silk |. pantics. 
As soon as I put th 
move around, the feel of the silk 
hing against my cock and the sound of 
the panty hose brushing together when 


“If everybody spends all day 
balling, who's going to 
take out the garbage?” 


I moved my legs got me very turned on. 
‘The party was а blast, with me going out 
of my mind with a raging hard-on all 
night, and when I got home and my girl 
and I were in bed, I had her wrap the 
panties around my cock and stroke me 
with them. Although Гус never worn 
any of the clothes again, the silky unde 
pants have become a permanent part of 
our foreplay. 


(Name withheld by request) 
Los Angeles, California 


THE TRIBE THAT DOESN'T 
I've always believed that the sex dri 
an appetite built into us that can't be 
denied satisfaction without serious con 
sequences. Now I'm wondering. А new 
paper reports that there is a tribe in New 
Guinea called the Dani that can go with- 
out sex for years and years at a time, 
apparently without any ill effects. They 
put off consummating marriage lor two 
years after the ceremony and they 
five years 


from sex for 
born. "They don't seem to turn to other 
sex outlets, such as 
course, homosexual 
They don't sublimate sex drive into 
other areas, such as cultural achievement 
or warfare. In spite of all this, they show 
igns of mental illness or other un- 
happiness. 

The news story asks, "In other words, 
without the overwhelming emphasis on 
that deluges Western man from school 


masturbation 


days to senility, would he continue to act 
аз though sex were an obsession?" Fi 
ars, Гуе been telling my girlfriends that 
1 don't get laid regularly. Vil ger Head. 
aches, and I even believed it myself. Does 
this research on the Dani mean that our 
terest in sex is an artificially stimulated 
ant, like the demand for next year's ca 

(Name withheld by request) 

Los Angeles, Calilornia 
The notion that Western man is del- 
uged by an overwhelming emphasis on 
sex and is obsessed with it ix the assump- 
tion of the reporter who wrote the news 
story. Dr. Karl G. Heider, whose article 
in a scientific journal is the basis of that 
story, offers no such opinion. His point 
is simply that the lifestyle of the Dani 
calls into question the Freudian, or hy 
draulic, theory of human energy, which 
is that we have a fixed quantity of psychic 
energy and that, like the water in a hy- 
draulic system, if you push it down in one 
place, it's going to push up in another. 
This theory is frequently used by blue- 
noses to justify repression of sex: They 
claim that heavy restrictions on sex are 
necessary to channel energy into cultural 
and social achievement. In other words, 
if everybody spends all day balling, who's 
going to take out the garbage? Actually, 
this idea is garbage, because high cultural 
achievement їз often associated with a 
loosening of restrictions on sex, as, for 
example, during the golden age of Greece 
and in Elizabethan England. And many 
sexually repressive societies gel nowhere, 
as they jolly well should. We have only to 
look, for example, at our own country, in 
which the most rigorous repression. of 


sexuality is practiced in the most culturally 


underdeveloped arcas. The alternative to 
this theory is that societies can invest as 
much energy as they choose in as many 
different pursuits as they like. The Dant 
seem to prove this in reverse by spending 
as little energy as possible on as few ac 
tivities as possible. Heider describes them 
as even-tempered and healthy. But they 
can count only up to four. Their lives are 
without excitement or drama. They ave 
lackadaisical in warfare. Their biggest 
event is the great Pig Feast, which is held 
cvery few years, irregularly, and which is 
marked by the calm consumption of more 
pigs than usual. (At least they think it's 
more than usual, but since they can't 
count, its hard to be sure.) Heider calls 
this lifest 


le a “low-energy cultural sys- 
be it from us to criticize the 
, but we find it not surprising that 
theirs is the only known culture of its 
hind on the face of the earth. 


he Playboy Forum” offers the 
opportunity for an extended dialog be- 
tween readers and editors of this publi- 
cation on contemporary issues, Address all 
correspondence to The Playboy Forum, 


Playboy Building, 919 North Michi- 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. 


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PLAYBOY 


56 


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uno weve ALEX HALEY 


a candid conversation with the author of the american. saga “roots” 


If it weren’t for the fact that it’s a 
true story, “Roots” might well be the 
Great American Novel. In the months 
since its publication, it has been com- 
pared to both “Moby Dick” and “War 
and Peace,” and ai least one reviewer 
called it “among the most important 
books of the century.” Doubleday, its 
publisher, ordered the largest print run 
ever for a hardcover book (200,000), 
which sold out in a matter of weeks, and. 
there are indications it may become the 
first book in history to sell over 1,000,000 
copies in hardback—even before Dell 
brings out the paperback version. 

Its author, Alex Haley, will undoubted- 
ly become a houschold name later this 
month, when ABC-TV broadcasts the first 
episode of a 12-hour series based on 
“Roots,” making it the longest and most 
expensive ($6,000,000) dramatic televi- 
sion production ever atred. 

We at ptaynoy take a special pleasure 
in featuring Haley as our holiday inter- 
view subject. In 1962, when he was a 
free-lance writer and journalist, we 
assigned him to conduct a long question- 
and-answer session with Miles Davis, 
which became the first “Playboy Inter- 
view.” Besides interviewing a number of 
personalities for vLaynoy, ranging from 


“I sat staring at the document, unable to 
believe my eyes. It was impossible, but Га 
done it: traced a man dead almost two 
centuries all the way from his home vil- 
lage in Africa toa plantation in Virginia.” 


American Nazi George Lincoln Rockwell 
lo entertainer Johnny Carson, Haley 
conducted our interviews with the two 
most significant black leaders of the 
Sixties—Martin Luther King, Jr, and 
Malcolm X. (One result of the “Playboy 
Interview" with Malcolm X was the best- 
selling “Autobiography.” which Haley 
wrote.) It seems especially fitting to us 
that Haley be on the other side of the 
lape recorder this month, since he seems 
destined to be one of the most significant 
black figures of the Seventies. 

Now 55 and living modestly in West 
Los Angeles, Haley is in the midst of a 
mammoth publicity tour for his book, 
but in the past several months he found 
lime for a series of conversations with a 
man who also has a special place in both 
rLAvnov's and Haley's history. He is 
Murray Fisher, former Assistant Manag- 
ing Editor of this magazine, who assigned 
Haley that first “Playboy Interview” and 
shaped the format of the feature. It was 
both their professional relationship and 
their personal friendship that led Haley 
to ask Fisher to be his editor on “Roots,” 
а task that has occupied no small 
amount of Fishers own time over the 
12-year period it took Haley to write 
the book. Now a Contributing Editor to 


“My old cousin Georgia told me something 
that galvanized me—and has sustained me 
ever since: “Boy, yo’ sweet grandma and 
all of 'em—dey up dere, watchin’. So you 
go do what you got to do!” 


PLAYBOY, Fisher conducted this interview 
with his old friend and. colleague as “а 
labor of love” It is Haleys story, but 
one that Fisher knows almost as well as 
his own. His report: 

“In the 12 years since Alex had asked 
me to help him edit ‘Roots; we'd met to 
work on it in New York, Chicago, Los 
Angeles, Miami, San Francisco, New 
Orleans, the West Indies—just about 
everywhere but the place it all began: 
Henning, his home town in rural Ten- 
nessee, where he'd first heard the stories 
as a fiveyear-old on his grandmother's 
front porch. Now, at last, the book was 
published, and he had embarked on a 
promotion tour that included—among its 
49 interviews and public appearances in 
29 cities in 30 days—a half-day stop in 
Henning to film a television documentary 
of the prodigal son's return to his ‘roots? 
He invited me to join him there. "Where 
will I find you?’ I asked. ‘We'll be mov- 
ing around town. Just ask the first person 
you see.” 

“He wasn't hard to find. On the lawn 
in front of a small white frame house were 
a crowd of people, cables, cameras and 
parked cars, and ai the center stood Alex, 
surrounded by interviewers peppering 
him with questions while the camera 


BRENT BEAR 


“While I'm talking to you, Рт folding 
my own laundry. But by the time this in- 
terview appears, I'll finally be in a posi- 
tion to buy what I've always longed for— 
the time to spend on things 1 care about.” 


57 


PLAYBOY 


58 


crew prepared to shoot him walking up 
the path to the frost. door for the third 
lime, each from a different angle. ‘Some 
home-coming, | sud when we were out 
of earshot. ‘I know, he said. ‘Is been 
just Grandma’s house all my life, and 
now with all those lights and those re- 
porters, suddenly it's a media event. But 
1 guess ГИ have to get used to that kind 
of thing. Now that the book is out, I'm. 
beginning to realize that the stories I 
heard from Grandma—silling in that 
very rocker right up there on the porch 
don't really belong to me anymore. So 
Ive decided 10 keep that chair: next 
lime you come to my house, il'll be on 
orch? 

soon after Alex' ancestors 
had arrived in Henning by wagon bain 
from the plantation in North Carolina 
where they had lived as slaves, most of 
them had become founders of the N 
Hope Colored Methodist Episcopal 
Church—where the documentary’s final 
scene was shot that night at a special serv- 
ice held in honor of the town’s most cele- 
brated citizen. 

“It was recently rebuilt in the gleam- 
ing white architectural style of a subur- 
ban corporate headquarters, and, wailing 
for him inside the new church, dressed 
in its Sunday best, bathed in the bril- 
liance of quartz movie lights, sat the en- 
lire congregation, filling every pew. 

“Glad to be there, but feeling a little 
out of place—though perhaps less so 
than the jeaned and bearded film crew 
from L.A—I slipped in and found a seat 
in the back. A moment later, the doors 
opened and Alex started walking down 
the aisle toward the pulpit, followed by 
his younger brothers George and Julius, 
who had been invited by the TV people 
lo make it a ‘family reunion? 

“4 black boy of about ten in the row 
ahead, staring at Alex with shining eyes, 
asked, ‘Is that him? He didu’t have to 
wail long for an answer; later, everyone in 
that church was giving him a standing 
ovation. The cameras, of course, were 
rolling. Looking a litile sheepish, Alex 
sat down on a bench behind the pulpit 
beside his brothers, and Fred Montgom- 
ery, a deacon of the church, an alderman 
on the town council and a lifelong friend 
of Alex’, led the purple-gowned choir 
and the congregation in a rousing spir- 
itual. Then a white aide to Hennings 
mayor got up to say a few words about 
the pride everyone in Ihe community 
took in ils native son. 

“Then, standing nervously with one 
arm on the piano for support, а teenage 
girl, obviously her high school’s valedic- 
torian, recited tremulously a short speech 
she had not only memorized but un- 
doubtedly written heiself. By the lime 
she got to the end, she was looking at 
the audience rather than the floor, and 
she said loudly and firmly, ‘What Mr. 
Haley has done for us—and for the 


eternal? 
its feet again, 


world—will remain 

“The congregati 
and it was Alex’ turn to speak. In that 
deep, down-home baritone he can pour 
on like honey over biscuits, he told them 
about his search for roots, ‘a story that 
began right here in Henning just two 
blocks from where I stand? It was a 
shorter, but more personal, version of the 
dramatic and deeply moving speech that’s 
made him one of the most popular speak- 
ers on the lecture circuit for the past ten 
years—a speech he’s made so often that 
passages from it have become almost a 
narrative litany of oval history. Paris of 
й even turned up in his answers to ту 
questions. But there in Ihat Henning 
pulpit, he added something new: an ob- 
viously heartfelt tribute to his home town. 

“It's not a pretty place? he said. 
“There's nothing very special about 
it. But to me it's a symbol of small-town 
the birthplace of those old- 
fashioned virtues that ave our deepest 
strengths as a nation—like compassion 
for your fellow man: Even to this day, 
there isn't a door in Henning where 
somebody cold or hungry would get 
turned. away. Values like respect for your 


1 was 03 


America, 


“What ‘Roots’ 
to black people, especially — 


saying— 


is that once you find 
out who you really are, 
you don't have to go down 
on your knees to anyone." 


elders—necding them, caring for them, 
listening to them; they've got a lot to 
teach us all? 

"There's no question that Alex has 
missed his calling as a fundamentalist 
preacher; or maybe he hasn't. Every few 
sentences were interrupted with oulerizs 
of ‘Say it!" and ‘Amen.’ And when he 
was finished, people were weeping, cheer- 
ing, applauding, rushing up to touch 
him, shake his hand, gush out their 
thanks, 

“He couldn't afford to be late for a 
speech to 5000 teachers later that night 
in Memphis. But he's constitutionally 
incapable of brushing people off, and it 
was half an hour before he could make 
it to the door. Dazed with exhaustion 
after two weeks in a different city every 
night, he lapsed into silence and sat with 
his eyes closed almost all the way to the 
Mid-South Coliseum. Arriving just im 
lime to be rushed. onstage, somehow he 
managed to crank himself up into deliv- 
ering another vafler ringer; and Ihe 
crowd went wild again. 

“He couldn't get back to his hotel un- 
til three a.m; his plane was leaving at 


7:30. As he trudged with me down the 
hall to his тоот. he was nearly out on 
his feet. ‘If only they wouldn't come at 
me so. he said. We went on to talk 
about that for a few minutes more, while 
he sat on the edge of his bed and pulled 
off his shoes and socks, and then I said 
good night. Though this conversation was 
the last in the 20 hours of taping sessions 
we'd recorded, I decided to make it our 
first exchange in the inlerview—for it 
seemed to foreshadow a new life for Alex 
that promised not only wealth and fame 
but elevation, in some mysterious way, to 
the mythic stature of a spiritual leader. 
“The following personal opinion may 
compromise my credibility as а journal. 
ist, but frankly, I value more highly my 
credibility as a friend of Alex Haley's 
for 15 years. And the simple fact is that 
1 consider him the finest and most decent 
man ve ever known, If we have to have 
a spivilual leader, we could do a whole 
lot worse. 


PLAYBOY: The reaction you've evoked 
public appearances since the publicatioi 
of Roots has often been almost worship- 
ful. How does that make you feel? 
HALEY: It disturbs me. My most devout 
hope was to write a book that would 
move people, and apparently Гуе suc 
ceeded. But I truly feel that I way merely 
a conduit for а story that was intended 
to be told, and I know that it’s the story 
I tell, not me, that they're responding to 
If only that response w. 
A few weeks ago, I 
friends ty in Los Angeles, 
when a young black woman I'd never seen 
belore came up to me. grabbed 
my h: 
her gratitude, All 1 could think of to do 
was tell her to stop it and pull her to 
her fi gs like that aren't just em 
theyre unsettling. She just 
d that what Roots is 


didn't 
sayin, 


w 


8 10 К ЫЙ ҮЙ get 


hi, all I сап sa Im not 
if 1 were, 
I wouldn't want it. All I was wri 


book, and I'm tl 
was before I wrote i 
PLAYBOY: But that book has become а 
runaway best seller and on Jan 
it will debut 

hour television 
nightly audience ol 
ing predicted. You may be the 

guy you were before, but don't you th 
all this is bound to change your life? 

HALEY: It already has, Hell, I feel like I'm 
ng somebody else's life. Alter 15 years 
ist. I'd gotten used to a сепа 


ptation for wi 
least 50.000,000 is 
ame 


ng for a buck, waiting for 
the phone to ring with an assignment, 
wangling my way past secretaries to inter- 


view their bosses. Now, all of a sudden, 


I'm going to be paying someone as much 
to handle my finances as I used to make 
in a year. The phone is ringing off the 
wall with invitations, such as to join as- 
sorted dignitaries for lunch at the State 
Department and dinner at the White 
House, queries from writers for magazines 
that used to reject my stuff, wanting to 
do stories on me; and now PLAYBOY is 
naking me its first interviewer ever to be 
interviewed by the magazine. And, just 
to wrap up the irony, I'm being inter- 
viewed by you, the guy who used to be 
my editor at the magazine. 

PLAYBOY: Docs that bother you? 

HALEY: Aller all those years at the mercy 
of your blue pencil, I'm looking forward 
to it. The only wouble by this time 
we know cach other so well that I know 
what you're going to ask before you open 
your mouth, and you know what I'm 
going to say before I open mine. So 
why don't we save ourselves the trouble 
of talking? TH write your questions, 
you write my answers and well just 
mail it i 
PLAYBOY: Good idea. But just for the 
sake of appearances, why don't we go 
through the motions of taping an actual 


HALEY: Just as long as you promise not to 

ask leading questions. I've heard about 

you PLAYTOY interviewers. 

PLAYBOY: We'll give you the same consi 

eration you always offered people when 

you were doing interviews. 

HALEY: In that case, forget the whole 

thing 

PLAYBOY: Fine, soon as we finish 

the interview. You were talking about 

what success has done to your life. 

HALEY: Well. I'm being inundated with 

requests to app on television shows. 

hosted by stars whose publicists never 

used to return my calls, with letters from 

s asking me to accept honorary 

address thei 


degrees and 
classes. I find myself being 
plush leather anmchairs and offered cigars 
in executive sanctum sancrorums that I 
couldn't have broken into with TNT a 
few years ago. My daily calendar, where 
1 used to scrawl my grocery lists, is 
blocked out from breakfast то bedtime for 
meetings with people who want my name, 
my permission, my support, my endorse- 
ment, my commitment, my involvement 
and especially money—to underwrite ev- 
erything from stuff like Roots T-shirts 
and Afro-American tour groups to worth- 
while social causes and promising televi- 
sion and movie projects, some of which 
I plan to pursue as head of my own 
production company 
PLAYBOY: You're not 


Im having the time of my life. 
I've never felt happier, younger, stronger, 
more energetic and alive than 1 do to- 
day—beeause I set for myself a task that 
seemed impossible, and yet somehow I 
completed it. It took 12 years, but I feel 


it was worth every moment of it, because 
Roots tells a story that's needed to be 
told for 200 years. "That was reward 
enough for undertaking it, but I'm happy 
to say that Roots is going to earn me 
something far more tangible, as well as 
precious: financial independence. 

After being harassed by debt for more 
years than I care to remember, I now 
feel beyond a reasonable doubt that I 
will never have to waste another moment 
worrying about rent, taxes, alimony, the 
lot of it. I mean, i's funny that at this 
very moment, while I'm here talking to 
you, Im sitting and folding my own 
Taundry. But by the time this interview 
appears, TH finally be in a position to 
buy what I've always longed for—the 
tune to spend on things I care about that 
І used to have to spend on things I 
didn’t care about. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think success 
spoil—or stifle—Alex Haley? 

HALEY: I pray not. Not аз long as I re- 
member who I am and where I came 
from. Every time I catch myself getting 
annoyed when I have to wait outside 
some studio for a while because the 
limousine is late, every time I pick up 


may 


"I'm being inundated with 
requests to appear on. 
television shows hosted by 
stars whose publicists never 


used toreturn my calls." 


the phone in some fancy hotel to order a 
stcak from room service rather than run 
down to the coffee shop for a hamburger, 
which I'd actually enjoy just as much, I 
think about Miss Scrap Green and Fred 
Montgomery and all the other good 
people I grew up with back in Henning, 
Tennessee, and I wonder what they'd say 
if they could се me now. And I'm glad 
they can't. Because their values are still 
my values, and they always will be. No 
matter where 1 go or what I do with 
my life, no matter how many books I 
write or movies 1 produce, ГИ always be 
“Miz Haley's boy” to them, and that's 
the way it ought to be 

A while ago, just after 1 had been 
interviewed by a television host who in- 
troduced me as “the author of one of 
the great literary works of our time,” I 
went home to visit the family and as I 
was walking down the street one morning, 
1 met this old man—the ageless kind 
ing the other 
г, sir,” I said. You just don't 
pass anyone in a small town without 
ing hello, “How do,” he replied, stopping 
and squinting at me. "Ain't you Miz 
Haley's boy?” "Yes, sir" I said. “Ain't 


seen you aroun’ for a while," he said. 
"What you doin' with yourself nowa- 
days?” "I'm a writer." "What you write?” 
"Books." "How you do that?" "Well, 
ind of hard to explain.” “Write some- 
thin’ for me, then.” “I'm а d it doesn’t 
work quite that way.” He considered that 
for a while, and then he said, “Well, 
you was to tell me you was a Lightnin’ 
bug, I'd ‘spect you to light up." 

Ever since then, whenever Гус been 
tempted то feel important—and егете 
been a few times—I just remember that 
old man. Henning is what keeps me 
honest. И my roots, and those roots run 
deep—from my Grandma Cynthia's porch 
all the way back to Africa. 

PLAYBOY: Wa the porch where 
mother told you the stories 
about your family that led to the writing 
ol your book? 
HALEY: Yes, it was. Whenever I go home to 
visit Henning, I always go over to the 
old house and sit on that porch for a 
while. The new owners don't seem to 
mind. Grandma's long gone, of course, 
but while Im sitting there—in the same 
white-wicker chair she used to rock оп 
while she talked. remember all the 
stories she told as if it were yesterday. 
PLAYBOY: How long ago was и? 
HALEY: About half a century now. The 
earliest. 1 can remember hearing them 
year or so after my grandfather 
almer died, when I was around 
Gr 1 lived for that man 
ever since the day they'd met 38 years 
before, and when he died, something in 
side her went along with him. Shed 
always been a lively woman, but from 
then on, she took to sitting out on the 
front porch and just rocking for hours at 
time. Since my mother was off teaching 
school and my father had taken over 
srandpa’s lumber mill, I spent most of 
home with Grandma. 
few months, she began in- 
nieces and cousins 
around her age—Aunt Plus, Aunt Viney, 
Aunt Liz, Aunt Till, Cousin Georgia and 
others—to come and keep her 
company. They'd :mrive from exotic 
places like Dyersburg, which was all of 


а few 


25 miles away: Inkster, Michigan; St. 
Louis; even Kansas City; and they'd stay 
for a few weeks sometimes the whole 


summer, often five or six of them at a 
time. cooking, knitting, talking and put- 
tering their way through the day. Every 
ight, after the supper dishes had been 
washed, just around dusk, as the light 
g bugs were beginning to flick on and 
bove the honeysuckle ey'd all 
ї out to the porch and settle down in 
their favorite rockers—with me scrunched 
up on the floor behind Crandm: 
they'd pick up where they left off the 
ight before, with her taking the lead, 
telling stories about the family. 

PLAYBOY: Tell us 
HALEY: They were just bits and pieces, 


off 


dr 


and. 


few, 


59 


PLAYBOY 


60 


weaving back and forth through the years. 
Some were from Grandma's own life and 
Grandpa Will's7-how the leading white 
inessmen of Henning, in a historic 
sion, had turned ownership of the 
town's only lumber company over to him 
when its drunken white owner had 
brought it to the brink of bankruptcy, 
and how he had gone on to become one 
of the town's most respected citizens. 
Only a generation before, they recalled, 
the same town’s white business commu- 
nity had forbidden Grandma's father, 
Tom Murray, to open a blacksmith shop, 
so he'd built up a thriving trade with a 
rolling shop—an anvil and a forge on 
agon—which he drove from farm to 
9 

Alter cmancipatioi had been Tom 
who led the family—his half-Cherokee 
wife, Irene, and their eight children, his 
seven brothers and sisters and their chi 
dren—across the Appalachians in a wagon 
train from “the Murray plantation” in 
Alamance County, North Carolina, all the 
way to Henning. They'd been lured to 
this backwoods settlement in western 
Tennessee, Tom had said, by his father, 
George, who'd returned from his travels 
as a freedman with talcs of a “promised 
land” with ich that “if you plant 
a pig's tail, a hog'll grow." Proud of his 
ancestry, George had Kept alive the stories 
of the family he'd heard from his mother, 
Kizzy, by repeating them as a ritual at 
the birth of each new child by his wife, 
Matilda. But he was hardly a dutiful 
father and he earned a justified reputa- 
tion as a ladies man—and as a high- 
rolling gambler on the fighting cocks he 


had trained since boyhood for his massa, 
Tom Lea. 
PLAYBOY: Hence his nickname, “Chicken 
George"? 
HALEY: Which he carried with him proud- 
ly to his death, along with a derby hat 


and a rakish green scarf, which he wor 
like a trademark. Time and again there 
on the porch, I heard how Massa Lea 
had finally lost almost everything he 
owned in a wager to an English noble- 
man, who took Chicken George off to 
gland as his gamecock trainer for three 
years. When he left, it seems that Massa 
Lea lost more than a cockfighter. When 
George was a boy, Kizzy had told him 
that he'd been sired by Massa Lea, who 
had raped her on the night of her arrival 
at the Lea plantation. At 16, she'd. been 
sold away from her parents for helping a 
boy escape from the plantation of Dr. 
iliam Waller in Spotsylvania County, 
Virginia, where she had been born and 
|. Her mother, Kizzy told young 
George, was the big house cook, Bell. And 


her father—the furthestback person any- 


one in the family ever spoke of —was а 
man they called the African. 

PLAYBOY: Did thcy know any more than 
that about him? 

HALEY: They said he had been brought 
across the ocean to a place they called 


“Naplis,” that he had tried four times 
to escape from the plantation of his first 
owner, "Masa John Waller,” and that 
after his fourth attempt, he was offered 
the choice of castration or having a foot 
cut off. Because he chose the foot, said 
Grandma, I'm here to tell about it.” The 
frican told Kizzy that the massa’s broth- 
er, Dr. William Waller, had bought him. 
nuised him back to health, put him to 
work in his garden and later had him 
serve as his buggy driver. Though John 
Waller had named him Toby, the women 
id the African had always angrily in- 
ted that the other slaves call him by 
his real name, which they pronounced 
“ y" 

As Kizzy grew up, according to the old 
ladics on the porch, Kin-tay taught her 
words from his own language. He called a 
guitar a ko, for example, and as they rode 
in the buggy past the Mattaponi River 


i 
near the plantation, he'd. point and say 
something that sounded like Kamby Bo- 
longo. The thing Kizzy remembered most 
idly—and passed on to Chicken 
George, who later told his children, and so 
on down to me—was that when Kin-tay 


“One day, I was down to 
exactly 18 cents and two 
cans of sardines when a 
friend called with the offer 
of a job in the civil service. 
I turned him down.” 


was a boy of about 17 "rains"—his word 
for years—he had been out in the for- 
est, not far from his village in Africa, 
chopping wood to make a drum, when 
four men had set upon 
senseless and marched himm in chains to the 
ship in which he was ta 
nd sold into slavery. 

PLAYBOY: Did those stories make much of 
an impression on you at the 
HALEY: I loved them, but I didn't live 
them, as Grandma did. With Grandpa 
gol those stories were the most im- 
portant thing in her life and she told and 
retold them—to the point where she and 
my mother actually had words about it. 
Im sick of all that old-timy stuff!“ Mom- 
ma would exclaim, “Why don’t you quit 
talking about it all the time?” And 
Grandma would say, “Well, if you don't 
re where you come from, 7 do!" And 
might not speak for two or three days. 


th 
PLAYBOY: Why didn't your mother want 


to hear the stories? 

HALEY: She was the first person in our 
family who ever went to college. You 
sce it in every poor immigrant group 
that’s come to this country; the first thing 


its members want to do as they begin to 
make it is to forget their homeland—its 
traditions and its culture—and to fit in 
with the new one. Momma wanted noth- 
in’ to do with no Africans, and ev 
with slaves; she was embarrassed by all 
that. Bur to a little boy 
just a bunch of stories, 1 
parables I heard every week in Sund 
school at Ше New Hope Method 
Church. They were more exciting, of 
course, because some of the people i 
them were sitting right there on the 
porch. But most of the family thcy talked 
about—Tom Murray, 5 
Kizzy, the African—were just ch 
to me, like Jonah, Pharaoh, David a 
Goliath, Adam and Eve 
PLAYBOY: When did the stories begin to 
mican something more to you? 
HALEY: It took about 30 years I had 
grown up and gone to college for two 
years and then joined the Coast Guard 
a mess boy not long before World War 
‘Two broke out. During the long month 
at sea, I passed the time by writing letters 
to everyone I knew—maybe 40 a weck— 


and after a while, L caught the bug, and 


started writing for publication; or tried 
to, I spent ci years writing some part 
of every single day before making my 
first sale to azine. When I fina 
retired—as Chief Journalist—after 
years, at 37, I moved to Greenwich Vil- 
lage, where I planned to make it as a 
freelance journalist; I guess 1 thought 
Td pick it up by osmosis, simply by 
living in that writers’ colony. But it didn't 
come quite that easy. One day, I was 
down to exactly 18 cents and two cans 


of sardines when a friend called me with 
the offer of a modest but steady job in 


the civil service. I took a deep breath 
and turned him down. The very next day, 
a small check arrived in the mail from 
some magazine, and I managed to hang 
on long enough to begin selling regularly. 
Those two sardine cans and that 18 
cents, by the way, are framed and hanging 
on my wall even to this day, as а re 
minder of how close 1 came to the end 
of the line. Anyway, it was around that 
time that you assigned me to conduct an 
nterview for PLAYBOY, 

PLAYBOY: That was the very first interview 
we published, in September of 1962. 
HALEY: With Miles Davis. Which taught 
me a little bit about jazz as well as 
journalism. But my assot on with Mal- 
colm X, the second interview you as- 
ned to me, led to my collaboration with 
him on my first book, The Autobiogra- 
phy of Malcolm X. I remember his telling 
me very calmly, as he read the finished 
manuscript two years later, that he'd 
never live to see it published—and he was 


у. I have praynoy to thank for 
my second book, Roots, into 
too. It was soon after the Mal- 
colm book came out, and you asked me 
to interview Julie Christie, who was 


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PLAYBOY 


making a mo in London. While I 
was there, waiting for an appointment— 
ich never came about, as you know—I 
kept myself busy taking guided tours of 
the city. One of them stopped at the 
British Museum, where I found some- 
thing I'd heard about only vaguely but 
which now entranced me: the Rosetta 
stone. I immediately read up on it and 
Jearned that it had been found in the 
Nile delta in 1799, inscribed with three 
one Greek, the second in a 
then-unknown set of characters, the third 
nt Egyptian hieroglyphics, which 
sumed no one would ever 
be able to decipher. But in a superhuman 
feat of scholarship, a Frenchman named 
pollion had matched the two 
п texts, Character for character, 
with the Greek text and proved that all 
three were the same, thus cracking the 
code and opening up to the world much 
of mankind's earliest history, which had 
been recorded in—and hidden beh 
the mystery of those hieroglyphics. 


PLAYBOY: Why did all that fascinate 
you so? 
HALEY: I wasn’t sure. I felt that key which: 


had unlocked а door to the past had some 
special si ance for me, but I didn't 
realize what was until I was on the 
plane returning to the U. S. In the stories 
Grandma and the others had told me, 
there were fragments of words from an 
unknown tongue spoken by the African 
who said his name was Kin-ay, called a 
guitar a ko and a river Kamby Bolongo. 
They were mostly sharp, angular sounds 
with K predominating. Undoubtedly, they 
had undergone some changes in pro- 
nunciation as they had been passed down 
across the generations, but it seemed to 
me that they had to be phonetic snatches: 
of the actual language spoken by my 
ancestor and that if I could find out what 
that Janguage was, I might be able to 
unlock the door to my own past. 

When I got home, I knew there was 
somebody I had to see. Of all the old 
ladies from the porch in Henning, only 
one was still alive: Cousin Georgia, who 
had been 20-odd years younger than the 
others. She was in her 80s now and living 
with her son, Floyd, and daughter, Bea, 
in Kansas City, Kansas. I hadn't seen her 
in several years and she was ailing and 
bedridden, but the moment I mentioned 
my interest in the family stories, she 
jerked upright and started prattling away: 
“Yeah, boy, dat African say a guitar a ko 
nd he call а river de Kamby Bolongo 
he was out choppin’ wood, intendin' to 
make hisself a drum when dey cotched 
im.” It was like echoes of the stories I'd 
heard during my boyhood. 

When I told her that I wanted to see 
if could find out where Kin-tay came 
from, which might reveal the identity of 
our ancestral tribe, she became so excited 
that Floyd. Bea and I had trouble calm- 
ing her down. And as I left, she told me 
something that galvanized me—something 


that has driven and sustained me ever 
since: “Boy, yo’ sweet gramma and all 
of ‘em—dey up dere, watchin’. So you go 
do what you got to do.” 
PLAYBOY: What did you do? 

HALEY: I soon discovered what I already 
feared: that because there was little ır: 
dition of family continuity among blacks, 
there were very sparse gen 
ords of black families—cert 
the kind that cin enable some white 
families to trace their ancestors as far 
back as the Mayflower and across the 
Atlantic to wherever they came from. In 
the first place, newly arrived Africans 
were divested of their born names and 
given slave names—as Kin-tay had been 
renamed "Toby. Thus were they robbed 
of their past, beginning a process of 
psychic dehumanization that was com- 
pounded with the frequent breeding of 
slaves like livestock and the sale of their 
offspring—often before birth, It was not 
uncommon for a slave to grow up with- 
out knowing his own father. Not many 
got to know their grandparents. For 
family stories to go back, as ours did, to 


“Tf I had known then what 
I know now—that maybe 
4000 tribal tongues are 
spoken in Africa would 
have given up on the spot. 
But I forged blindly on.” 


great-great-great-great-grandparents was al- 
most unheard of. But because there were 
no established avenues for corroborating 
those stories, I had to kind of start from 
scratch, 

PLAYBOY: Which was where? 

HALEY: Well, one day, while I was in 
Washington, D.C, on a magazine as 
ment, 1 went to the National Archives. 
Remembering that Grandma had said 
she was born on the Murray plantation 
in Alamance County, North Carolina, and 
figuring that the family had to have lived 
there around the time of the Civil War, I 
asked a black attendant for the census 
records of that county for the year 1870. 
They were on microfilm, and I threaded 
the first roll through the machine and 
began to turn the handle. There before 
me were columns of names in old- 
fashioned script, where the 5s look like 
Fs, and those people—head of household, 
wife, children. grandparents—began to 
parade past. The lists seemed endless, 
and by the end of the second roll. my 
curiosity was pidly diminishi The 
thought that Id ever run across а familiar 


name among so many countless thousands 
1 I got up to leave. 


seemed hopeless а 
It gives me the qui 


I had left, none of this would ever have 
happened. 

But as I was walking our, I passed 
through the genealogical-search room and 
I happened to notice that, unlike the 
reading rooms of most libraries, where 
people are sitting back relaxed and com- 
fortable, everyone there 
over old documents, some with magnify- 
ing glasses. And the thought came into 
my head: These people arc all here trying 
to find out who they ave. 1 turned around 
and went back to the microfilm room and 
picked up where I had left off. Some 
rolls later, as I was slowly turning the 
crank, I suddenly found myself loo! 
down at the name “Murray, Tom, Bl. 
smith, Black,” and beneath that the 
"Murray, Irene, Housewile, Black, 
beneath them the names of their children, 
a Jane, Ellen, Viney, Matilda and 
zabeth. Matilda was Aunt Till from 
Dyersburg. Elizabeth was Aunt Liz; I'd 
eaten her biscuits for years. They were 
Grandma's older sisters; she hadn't been 
born yet. I was staggered. To see those 
names right there in an official document 
in the same building that houses the U. S. 
Constitution somehow made it very real— 
and made it matter in a way it never had 
before. That thought gripped me— 
still docs. I had stumbled upon 
trovertible evidence that I, my family, we 
black. people, indecd, did have a past, a 
heritage; it just wasn't very well docu- 
mented. 


PLAYBOY: So that challenged you to keep. 
going? 

HALEY: It surely did. Between magazine 
assignments, I spent the next few months 
commuting to Washington from New 


York, searching the National Archives 
and the Library of Congress for further 
confirmation of the family story, and 
slowly I found it. In bits and pieces. In 
time, I discovered that those old ladies on 
the porch had been incredibly accurate; 
they hadn't known it, but they were oral 
historians of the highest order. Piece by 
piece, I began to fit it all together about 
everyone in the family—except for the 
Alrican. There was simply nothing to be 
found anywhere about a slave named 
Kin-tay, and even if 1 could find some 
record ol him under the name Toby. 
that wouldn't help me find out where he 
came from, Slave traders were interested 
in the value of their property, not 
origin. I knew that those shreds of African 
words passed down by the African would 


have to be the key. If I had known then 
what I know now—that maybe 1000 
tribal tongues are spoken in Africa—I 


would have given up on the spot. But 
since E didn't know the odds against me, 
I forged blindly on. 

PLAYBOY: In what direction? 

HALEY: Well, it scemed logical to seck 
help from as wide a range of Africans as 
I could find, so I began to hang around 
the lobby of the UN Building in New 
York around quitting time. It wasn't hard 


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PLAYBOY 


to spot the Africans. In the course of two 
weeks, I managed to buttonhole maybe 
two dozen of them. Everyone listened 
to me for a moment—and then took off. 
I couldn't blame them much; what kind 
of impression could 1 make trying to blurt 
out some alleged African sounds in a 
Tennessee accent—sounds that very po: 
sibly might have been distorted beyond 
recognition across the 200 years they had 
taken to reach me? 
lly, 1 told my problem to a lifelong 
friend from Henning, George Sims, who 
ppens to be a master researcher. He 
prompuy went into the Library of Con- 
gress and shortly brought to me a list of 
people recognized for their knowledge 
of African linguistics. The credentials of 
те of them. a Belgian Ph.D. named Jan 
Vansina, impressed me so much that 1 
called him for an appointment at the 
University of Wisconsin, where he was 
teaching, He had writen a book, La 
Tradition Orale, based on research con- 
ducted while he was living in African 
villages. 1 thought he might be just the 
тап to help me, if anyone could. And he 
gave me an appointment to meet with 
him in Madison. 

Dr. Vansi ened intently as I told 
him my story—every syllable of the 
sounds, everything else I could remember, 
buttressed by what Cou 
recently told me, He was 


along from one generation to the next. I 
told him there had always been one per- 
i tion who was keeper of 
tory: First it was Kin-tay, then Kizzy, 
then George, then Tom, then my grandma 
Cynthia and, finally, me. When I was 
through talking, he said he wanted to 
sleep on it and invited me to spend the 
night. 
PLAYBOY: Did you get any sleep? 
HALEY: Not much. ] didn't think һе 
would have asked me to y unles he 
felt some good reason for it. The next 
morning at the breakfast table, he said 
to me, with a very serious expression on 
his face: “The ramifications of the pho- 
cross your 


My heart all but stopped. He said he 
had consulted by telephone with one of 
his colleagues, an eminent Africanist, Dr. 
Philip Curtin, who concurred with him 
that the sounds I'd conveyed were in the 
tongue spoken by the Mandinka, or М 
dingo, people. The word ko, for example, 
he said, probably referred to the hora, 
one of the Mandinkas’ oldest stringed in- 
struments, But the phrase Kamby Bo- 
longo was what clinched it. Without 
question, he said, in Mandinka, the word 
bolongo meant a larg 


such as a river, а 
it probably 
Almost 


nly, my Alrican ancestor 
from the Gambia. I'd never 


heard of it. 
PLAYBOY: Did you say so? 


HALEY: T was too excited to hide my ig- 
погапсе; so Т asked and he showed it to 
me on a map—a small, narrow country 
bout midway on the west coast of Africa, 
bordered on three sides by Senegal and 
bisected by the Gambia River, I was de- 
termined to go there, preferably on the 
next plane; but I couldn't just pop up 
n Africa! I wouldn't know where to go, 
whom to talk to or how to I knew 
I had to find someone who knew morc 
than I did about the Gambia, which was 
nost literally nothing. 

PLAYBOY: Another research job for Sims? 
HALEY: I didn't have to ask him. As fate 
would have it, only a weck or so later, I 
was asked to speak about my Malcolm X 
book at Utica College in Upstate New 
York; it was my first paid lecture. I got 
$100 for it, which would be about one 
tenth of my round-trip air fare to the 
Gambia. Afterward, talking with the pro- 
fessor who'd ited me to speak, I told 
him about my quest—and my plight— 
and he said he'd heard there was an 
p student over at Hamilton 


“Like most of us, black and 
white, I formed my 
impressions of Africa mostly 
from ‘Tarzan’ movies, 
Jungle Jim’ comics and old 
copies of ‘National 
Geographic.” 


College, about half an hour's drive away, 
who came from the Gambia. I drove up 
there and fairly snatched him from a class 
in economic. His name was Ebou Mang 
id he was the blackest human being I 
had ever seen, He seemed reservedly 
amused as I poured out my story in a rush 
of words, but when I asked him to accom- 
pany me to the Gambia—at my expense— 
his face lit up and he said уез on the spot. 
PLAYBOY: How did you intend to finance 
that expeditior 
HALEY: I had no idea where I'd get the 
money for my own ticket, let alone his. 
But it fell into my lap like manna from. 
heaven two weeks later, when you paid 
me for an interview. Td already ob- 
tained a visa and the very next day, Ebou 
and I were off to Dakar, where we 
ch: 
to a small airfield in the Gami: From 
the we drove in a van the rest of the 
way along a гицей two-lane highway to 
the capital city of Banjul, which was then 
called Bathurst. 

Ebou's father, Alhaji Malik 
they are a Moslem family—soon 


ged to a lighter plane and flew o 


rranged 
for me to meet with a group of men who 


were knowledgeable about their coun- 


trys history. So once again, Т told my 
могу. When I had finished, they seemed 
most interested in the name Kin-tay. 
“Our country’s oldest villages,” they told 
me, “tend to be named for the families 
that settled them centuries ago.” And on 
map. they pointed out a village called 
Kinte-Kundah and, nearby, another called 
teKundah Jannch Va. The Kine 
Чап—о which my ancestor was undoubt- 
edly a member, they said—was an old 
and well-known family in the Gambia, 
id they promised to do what they could 
to find a griot to help me with my search. 
PLAYBOY: A griot? 

HALEY: I cocked my ear at that one. 100. 
They said griots were oral historians, a 
most living archives, men trained from 


boyhood to memorize, preserve and re- 


cite—on ceremonial Occasion the cen- 
turiesold histories of villages, of clans, of 
families, of great kings, holy men and 
heroes. Some, they said, were the keepers 
of certain family stories so long, that they 
could talk for three days without ever 
repeating themselves. When I expressed 


astonishment, they reminded me that 
every living person goes back ancestrally 
to some time when there was no writi 


when the only way that hum 
edge got passed from one gene 
the next had been from the mouths of 
the elders to the ears of the young. We 
in the West, they said, had become so de- 
pendent on "the crutch of print" that 
we had forgotten what the memory of 
man capable of. 

PLAYBOY: Did they find a griot for you? 
HALEY: Yes, but it took months. I returned. 
home to await developmens—and to 
devour everything 1 could find to read 
about Africa. It embarrases me to think 
how ignorant I was about the people and 
the culture of the earth's second-largest 
continent, Li most of us, black and 
е. I formed my s of Af- 
rica and of Africans mostly from 
Tarzan movies, Jungle Jim comics and 
occasional leafings through old copies of 
National Geographic. So from morning 
till evening, 1 pored over book after book 
about African history and culture, and 
every night, before I turned out the light, 
I studied a map of Africa I'd put beside 
my bed, memorizing the location of each 
country, its rivers and major cities 

letter arrived from the Gam 
bia, which I almost tore open. My contacts 
there had found a griot who might be 
able to help me, and they'd put me i 


touch with him if I would return at m 
earliest convenience. Man. I went n 


ion. Where would I find the money? 1 
was ready to work my way across as a 
cook on a freighter—that had been my 


job for several years on 0.5. Coast 
Guard cutters—when а last resort ос 
curred to me. I wrote to Mis. DeWitt 


Wallace, cofounder with her husband of 
Reader's Digest. 1 had met her at a party 
several years before and she had said very 


PLAYBOY 


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kind things about an article Га written 
for them. Told me to get in touch with 
her if I ever needed help. I figured she 
was just being polite, but I had nothing 
to lose, so I wrote her a letter. To my 
astonishment, Mrs. Wallace arranged for 
me to meet with а group of Digest editors 
to see what they felt about my project. I 
talked passionately and nonstop for about 
three hours, as if my life depended on it, 
and in some strange way, I felt it did. 
They came through—with a $300 month- 
ly stipend and "reasonable necessary 
travel expenses. 
PLAYBOY: Sounds like a dangerously am- 
biguous phrase. They didn't know you 
very well, did they? 

HALEY: I guess пог. But they do now— 
and I think they've forgiven me. Any- 
way, two days later, I was back in Banjul. 
tape recorder and notebook in hand, 
chafing to get to the griot they'd found 
for me. "His name,” they s Керра. 
anji Folana, and he is а griot of the 
nte dan." I was ready to have a fit. 
“Where is һе?” I asked, 1 suppose ex 
pecting to find him waiting somewhere 
nearby, flanked by a PR man and an 
interpreter. They looked at me quizzi 
ly. Hes in Juffure, his village in the 
back country upriver,” they replied. If 1 
intended to sce him, it soon became clear, 
I'd have to do something I'd never 
dreamed I'd be doing: organize a kind of 
modified safari! 

PLAYBOY: The great black hunter? 

HALEY: You go straight to hell. This was 
totally serious business! It took me three 
days of bargaining and endless African 
palaver to assemble everything and every- 
onc I was assured I couldn't do without 
for the journey. By the time I'd hired a 
launch for the їтїр upriver, a lorry and a 
Land Rover to make the journey over- 
land with provisions and a total of 14 
companions, including three interpreters 
and four musicians—— 

PLAYBOY: Musicians? 

HALEY: I was told the old griots didn't like 
to talk without musicians playing in the 
background. Anyway. by the time 1 got 
all that together, I felt like Stanley set- 
ting out in search of Livingstone. I tried 
to imagine the reaction back at the Digest 
accounting department in Plensuntville 
when they saw this item on my expense 
account, 

PLAYBOY: What did you find when you 
reached your destinationz 

HALEY: You've heard of the expression 
peak experience? Thats what I had in 
Jullure. We put ashore at a litle village 
called Albreda and set out across hot, 
lush savanna country, and finally we were 
approaching Juffure’s bamboo fence, be- 
yond a grove of trees. Little children 
playing outside тап in to announce our 
arrival, and by the time we entered the 
gate, everyone in the village—about 70 
people, plus maybe half as many goats— 
had converged on us from mud huts. 
Among them was a small, wizened man 


in an off-white robe and а pillbox hat; 
somehow he looked important and 1 
knew he was the griot we had come to 
see and һе: 
"The interpreters left our group to talk 
with him and the other villagers swarmed 
around me, three and four deep all 
round, and began to stare. For the first 
time in my life, every face I saw was 
jet-black. And the eyes of every one were 
raking me from head to toc. As my own 
dropped in embarrassment, my 
glance happened to fall on my hands, 1 
felt ashamed. 
PLAYBOY: Why? 
HALEY: It was the color of my skin— 
because 1 wasn't black. I was brown, the 
product of forced interbreeding under 
slavery: I felt impure among the pure. 
Finally, one of the interpr came over 
nd whispered in my car, “They stare 
you because they have never here seen a 
black Ameri They had been looking 
at me not as me, Alex Haley, an 
i but as a symbol for them of 
people—25,000,000 of us black people— 
whom they had never seen, a people who 
ved in a land beyond the oce: 
nknown to them as they were to us. 
Just then, the old griot turned from 
the other interpreters, strode through the 
crowd and stopped in front of me, his 
eyes piercing into mine. Seeming to feel 
that I would understand his Mandinka, 
he looked straig me as he spoke, 
then fell silent while the translation came 
"We have been told by the forefathers 
that there are many of us from this place 
who are n that place called 
America. . . ." With that, he sat down 
оп a stool across from me, the people 
gathered round and he began to recite 
th aral history of the Kinte clan. 
This was a state occasion, an е 
ized ritual that d 
into antiquity. As he 
ned forward, his body ri 
id the words would issue from deep 
within him, like a solid thing, as if carved 
stone. After two or three sentences, he 
would stop, sit back—his eyes scemi 
opaque, his expression unreadable—z 
tion. Then, as if sum- 
strength, he'd lean forward 
n. 


Torn 


and begin a 


PLAYBOY: Were you tape-recording all 
this? 

HALEY: Indeed, I was, along with the 
background chatter of monkeys, parrots, 
goats. chickens, children, and the like. 
But you could hear him droning through 
it all. еп in 


translation, it sounded 
recitation: So-and-so 
nto himself the wife So-and-so and 
he begat . . . and begat. 
alking about people 
or 200 years ago—who married whom, 
their children in their order of birth, then 
whom those children married and their 
children, and so on. 

PLAYBOY: How long did that go on? 
HALEY: For about two hours, 


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PLAYBOY 


70 


under a broiling sun, bathed in sweat, 
buzzing with flics. Fl just sum his story 
up as briefly as I can. The Kinte clan, 
the griot said, began back in the 1500s 
in a land called Old Mali. After many 
years, a branch of the clan moved to 
Mauretania and, from there, one son, 
raba Kunte Kinte, а Marabout—or 
holy man of the Moslem faith—traveled 
south to the Gambia, where he eventually 
settled in the village of Juffure. There 
he took his first wife, a Mandinka maiden 
named Sireng. by whom he begat two 
sons, Janneh and Saloum. He then took 
a second wife. Yaisa, by whom he begat a 
third son, Ошого. When Отого had 30 
rains, he took a wife named Binta Kebba, 


by whom he begat four sons, named 
Kunta. Lami Suwadu and Madi. Here 
the griot added one of the many time- 


fixing references in the narrative that is 
how they identify the date of events: “It 
bout the time the king’s soldiers 
Then, as he had done perhaps 
ise of his mono- 
log. he added a salient biographical de- 
tail about onc of the people he was 
The eldest of these four sons, 
away from this village to 
chop wood—and he was never seen 
ain, 

Well, I sat there feeling as if I were 
curved of rock. What that old man in 
backcountry Africa had just uttered 
dovetailed with the very words my grand- 
mother had always spoken during my 
boyhood on a porch in Tennessee, telling 
a story she had heard [rom her father, 
Tom, who had heard it from his father, 
George, who had heard it from his 
mother, Kizzy. who had been told by her 
father, the man who called himself Kin- 
fay: that he had been ош. not far from 
his village, chopping wood, intendi 
make himself a drun 
set upon by four men 
slavery. 

PLAYBOY: How did you respond? 

HALEY: I must have looked as if lightning 
had struck me, because the griot stopped 
midsentence and Icaned toward me with 
concer and bewilde nt. Somehow, 
from my duffel ba sed to pull out 
the notebook in һ I had recorded 
that very passage of the family могу. as 
had retold it to me at her 
sas City. When the inter- 
t was written there, it was 


all he could do to control himself suffi- 
eyes 


dently 10 translate i 


The griot’: 
shor wide a i 


па he leaped up. exc 
loudly to the others while jabbing at my 
notebook with his forefinger. A shock 
wave seemed 10 go through the crowd, 
and without an order being given, every 
one of those 70 pcople—man. woman 
and child—formed a giant human ring 
around me and began chanting rhythuni- 
cally, moving counterdockwise, lifting 
their knees high, stamping up reddish 
pulls of dust. Then a woman holdi 


baby to her breast burst from the circle 
and came charging toward me, scowling 
fiercely. and thr her child toward me 
almost roughly in a gesture that said, 
“Take it!“ No sooner had I clasped it 
to my chest than she snatched it away 
and another woman was pushing her 
baby into my arms, followed by another 
and another—until, in а couple of 
utes, I'd I had embraced a dozen 
bies. 
PLAYBOY: What did all that mean? 
HALEY: I had no idea. I was too dazed to 
do anything but stand there. Tr wasn't 
a year later that I was told by Dr. 
Jerome Bruner at Harvard, ironically 
enough. that I had been partici 
one of the oldest ceremonies of hi 
kind, the laying on of hands. 
telling me in their way, he said, “Through 
this flesh, which is us. we are you and 
you are us.” 

I don't remember much of what hap- 
pened after that—except for a photo that 
was taken of me standing with 
of my sixth cousins, direct lineal descend- 

nts of Кима Kinte’s younger brothers. 
few hours later by 


man- 
"hey were 


several 


“The gr 


and he leaped up, 


riot’s eyes shot wide 


exclaiming loudly while 
jabbing at my notebook. A 
shock wave seemed to go 


through the crowd.” 


Land Rover, my mind was still numb. 
As we careened down the pitted back- 
country road toward Banjul—dust plum- 
ing up behind из—1 saw nothing, heard 
nothing, felt nothing around me. But in 
my minds eye, from the journals 1 had 
been reading, I began to €i 
as if it were a film, how 
Sicul rent. grandfather 
of every single black alive—had been 
enslaved, I could hi screams in 
the аш, see the flames from torches 
thatel-roofed huts, hear 
ms as they dished out 


пу great gre 
and the ancestors 


only by white slave tra 
waitorous fellow Africans who were i 
the hire of the whites. I could smell dh 
blood and sweat as the survivors were 
aked neck to neck by thongs into pro- 
cessions—called collles—which often were 
a mile in length before they reached the 
beach areas near where the slave ships 
waited. 

I seemed to feel their honor as they 
were branded, greased, shaved. the 
hed and dragged. screaming, clawing 
the beach, biting up mouthfuls of sand. 
their desperation for one last hold on 


the land that had been their home. I saw 
them thrown like firewood into long- 
boats and rowed out to the waiting slave 
ships, shoved and beaten down into 
stinking holds and chained onto rough 
wooden shelves. ] heard their moans as 
the ships weighed anchor and they began 
to move down the river toward the sea. 
reeling with this 
in sight 
of a village up ahead. The driver slowed 
down as we drew closer. for there were 
hundreds of people waiting. and every 
onc of them waving and shouting. 
PLAYBOY: What was going on? 

HALEY: Somehow, word had reached them 
of what had happened hack in [ийи 
As the Land Rover crept through 
throng, their cacophony of shoutin 
gulled us. And the face of everyon 
from robed elders to naked little boys to 
wrinkled old crones with toothless gi 


the 


in a smile, I found myself standi 


and smiling and waving back; 
wasn't until we were about hallway 
through the village that £ understood 


what it was they were all chanting: “Mees- 
ter Kime! Meester Kime! 

Let me tell you something: I've never 
been considered overly emotional, but 
when I heard what those people were 
shouting, I threw my hands in front of 
my face and started to sob like I hadn't 
done since I was a b 

I was weeping in grief—not only for 
the anguish of the ancestor 1 embodied 
for those cheering Africans but also lor 
the suffering of his descendants down 
through the generations. But 1 was also 
weeping in joy, for I felt that through 


me. his grear-great-grea-greacgrandson, 
Kunta Kinte had finally come home. And 


because of him—his courage, his pride, 
nd the tenacity of his determination to 
live the memory and the meauin, 
roots as а {тес man in his own 
land—all of us who had come alter him 
nally rediscovered who we were. 

: Seems like a good subject for 


^s right. wise g 
rived in New York, 1 went to Doubleday 
and told them that every black Am 
goes back aucestrally to someone who was 
taken, as Kunta was, from some villa, 
the hold of some stink 


5 akon anne cua call 
ng for freedom. So the story of any 
onc of us is really the saga ol us all. 1 
told them I wanted to write that story i 
a book called Roots. They told me to go 
ahead 


PLAYBOY: Did you visit Cousin Georgia to 
tell her the news? 
HALEY: Listen. let me tell you one of the 


major reasons why I feel that this book 
Roots was simply meant to be. Just before 
leaving on that second. wip to Africa. I 
had visited old Cousin Georgia, who was 


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71 


PLAYBOY 


72 


in the hospital, recovering from a stroke, 
and in her diamatic, deeply religious way, 
shed exclaimed to me as I prepared 10 
leave: “Boy, I'm jes a soldier on God's 
battlefield, an’ I been hit! But you go 
But now, when I came off the 
plane and telephoned my brother George, 
he interrupted my greeting to tell me 
that while I was gone, Cousin Georgia 
had died—at the age of 83. Later, after 
making time-zone calculations, I realized 
that she had passed away literally withi 
the very hour of my arrival in Juffure. I 
truly believe that as the last survivor of 
those ladies who had told the family story 
on that porch in Henning, it had been 
Cousin Georgia's job to oversee me into 
our ancesual village—and then shed 
joined Ше others up there watch 
PLAYBOY: Did that inspire you to go on? 
HALEY: That, combined with the mystical 
nature of my entire experience in the 
Gambia, filled me with a sense of mission 
and fired me with an obsessive passion I 
have felt ever since. 

PLAYBOY: Where did that passion drive 
you next? 

HALEY: Before I knew where 10 go next, I 
had 10 piece togethi 
so far. like clues in a detective story. 
From what the old ladies on the porch 
had told me, the ship that brought the 
n had landed at 
"Naplis" which had to be Annapolis, 
Maryland. And now I knew that the ship 
had to have sailed from the Gambia 


things that really mattered. What ship? 
And what voyage? 

PLAYBOY: How 
them down? 
"Ehe griot 


you manage to track 


1 told me that Kunta 


disappeared “about the time the 
soldiers came.” Projecting back- 


six generations to Kunta, that must 
have been somewhere in the mid—-1sth 
Century. And since slavery was first and 
foremost a maritime industry conducted 
predominantly by England and her Amer- 
ican colony, I figured there might be a 


record somewhere in London of a mili- 
to the Gambi: 


tary expedition round 
that time. 1 ght. Alter weeks of dig- 
ging among British parliamentary records, 
I discovered that a group called Colonel 
O'Hkue's forces had been dispatched 10 
protect Fort James on the Gambia River 
from attack by the French in the spring 
of 1767. 

So now I knew approximately when 
ta's ship left. Somewhere among the 
y thousands of voyages logged in 
records during the two centuries 
that the slave trade flourished, there must 
be the record of a voyage by some ship 
from the Gambia River to Annapolis in 
the spring of 1767. 

PLAYBOY: Where did you look? 
HALEY: I soon discovered that various 
repositories here or there in London held 


a maze of old shipping records, some dat- 
ing back to the 16th Century; and includ- 
ed were countless records of slave ships. 
Hardly pausing to cat or sleep, I breathed 
dust and squinted over yellowing records 
for nine hours a day every day for the 
next seven weeks. Finally, in the British 
Public Records Office one afternoon, 1 
was about halfway down it list of 30-odd. 
E in my 102314 set of records when 
my finger traced a line that read: "Lord 
Ligonier, registered in London, Captain 
Davies, sailed from the Gambia River 
July 5. 1767, destination Aunapolis"— 
with a cargo that included 140 Africans. 
PLAYBOY: What was your reaction? 

HALEY: For some reason, it didn't scem to 
register right away. L jotted down the in- 


formation, stuck it in my pocket and 
went next door for a cup of tea. I was 
just sort of sitting there, sipping ама 


when it hit n 5 owe the lady for 
that tea. Without even stopping off at 
my hotel to pick up my bag. I grabbed 
told the driver, “Heathrow!” and 
got the last scat on that days ast flight 
to New York. All the way across the At- 
kantic, I could see it in my mind's eye— 
a book Pd come 


across several months 


“A few slaves threw 


themselves overboard to the 
sharks rather than wait to get 
eaten in the land of 


white cannibals.” 


ping in the Pott of Annapolis, 1748-1775. 
Belore 1 slept, I was going to have my 
hands on that book. And 1 did. Turning 
to ship ar ng in September 
1767—allowing at least two months for 
the crossing found it in ten minutes: 
The Lord Ligonier had docked in the 
Port of Annapolis on September 29, 1767. 
In the М land Hall of Records, I 
looked up ship arrivals for that date, 
there was the cargo manifest for the Lord 
Ligonier. On it were listed "3265 ele- 
phants teeth, 3700 pounds of beeswax 
800 pounds of raw cotton, 32 ounces of 
gold and 98 Negro slaves.” Forty-two had 
died en route. 

PLAYEOY: Almost a third. Wasn't that an 
incredibly high fatality rave? 

HALEY: It was about average. The slaves 
on the Lord Ligonier were stowed “loose 
pack,” as they called it, on their backs, 
shoulder to shoulder, on shelves. When 
they were shipped “tight pack”—on their 
sides, up against one another like spoons 
in a drawer—the death rate was even 
higher. 

PLAYBOY: Then 

shipped that way? 
HALEY: The reasoning was that since more 


nd. 


why would they be 


slaves could be fitted on board tight pack, 
the ship still might arrive with more sala- 
ble merchandise alive. 

PLAYBOY: What was the cause of most of 
the deaths? 

HALEY: Disease and debilitation, from be- 
ing forced to lie in their own excrement 
and vomit, chained together at the wrists 
and ankles on shelves four or five deep 
for an average of two and a half months. 
After a few weeks—bitten by rats, in 
fested with lice, often bloated with tape- 
worms ingested in tainted slop, rolling 
back and forth on the rough planks be- 
h Шет еу were a mass of ulcerated 
nd often gangrenous wounds so deep, 
some cases, that muscle and bone 
showed through. Some died of beatings: 
others were killed in insurrections; and 
à few threw themselves overboard to the 
sharks rather than wait to get eaten i 

Toubabo-Koomi, the land of white 
bals to which many thought they were 
being taken. What's surprising is not 
that so many died but that so many sur- 
vived the nightmare. 

Irs ironic that, percentagewise, more 
whites than blacks died on the slave ships. 
The Lord Ligonier left Gravesend, Eng- 
land, with a full crew of 36 and arrived 
with 18. Whites were less 
resistant than blacks to many diseases, 
but most fell victim to the same afflictions 
that killed their captives; every weck or 
so, the crew members had to scrub off the 
slaves and muck out the holds. 
PLAYBOY: Were they well paid for d 
kind of work? 

Ou the conuary, the crewmen 
round two or three shillings a 
il they lived to caru anything. The 
fewer of the crew to survive the journey, 
the fewer of them had to be paid. More 
crew members than slaves died from Ilog- 
gings by brutal captains and mates; they 
were recruited—in some cases, shang 
haicd—hi п dregs of the waterfror 

and were regarded as far less valuable 
than their black cargo. 

Shipowners and the great insurance 
companies that bankrolled the trade 
found it enormously profitable, however. 
Nor did the slaveship captains do badly, 
either. In fact, they earned far more 
doing that sort of dirty work than they 
ever could have done at the helm of a 
hip or a tca clipper. Most of them 
were castofls from military service or 
wading lines, competent sailors who had 
been disgraced or dishonorably dis 
charged for drunkenness, insubordin 
ind so on. They had to 
at the only thing they knew—the 
and it was a lucrative onc. But m: 
them seemed to be ashamed of it. I 
learned in my research that some of our 
favorite hymns were written by retired 
Amazing Grace, for 
example, was written by an ex-first mate 
named John Newton. The line 
I once was lost but now am found” takes 


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PLAYBOY 


74 


ficance in that 


on a poignant new sig 
light. 


you find out about all 


HALEY: By reading scores of slave journals, 
captains’ memoirs and especially the rec- 
ords of the antislavery society. One of the 
most revealing tidbits I unearthed in this 
way was the lact that the surest mark of 
veteran slave ship captains and mates was 
the number of human tecthmark scars 
they carried on their lower legs—sus- 
tained while doing their job, w was 
to keep slaves as possible from 
dying, and to patch them up well enough 
decent price on delivery. 
at sort of price would an 
nd? 
t would depend on the state 
of the marker at the time, but the princi- 
pal determining factors were obviously 
age, strength and health. The tribe a 
slave came from also sometimes made a 
difference to knowledgeable buyers. The 
Wolofs, who were quick. intelligent, nat- 
ural leaders but proud and defiant, tend- 
ed to sell for less than members of other 
tribes that were regarded as more trac- 
table and hard-working. In 1767, an aver- 
age field hand in prime shape was worth 
nywhere from $500 to S800. Though 
they weren't capable ol the same kind of. 
hard work, female slaves often command- 
ed more than $1000. especially 
were young and attractive, Бе 
could both provide pleasant diversion for 
their mast d increase their inventory 
of human livestock by breeding children, 
PLAYBOY: Were able 10 discover 
Kunta Kinte's sale price? 
HALEY: About 5850 is my best guess, based 
upon then prevailing prices in the Mary- 
land and Virginia area. But 1 found a 
specific record of when and where he was 
sold. In the microfilm records of the 
Maryland Gazette for October 1, 1767— 
two days after the Lord Lig т docked— 
1 found an advertisement in the far-left- 
hand column on page two, announcing 
its arrival and inviting interested parties 
to uc r Annapolis three days 
thence of its cargo: "98 choice, healthy 
slaves. 
PLAYBOY: Was there any written record of 
those sold at the auctionz 
HALEY; Not that I could find. Bur. I 
already knew who had bought Kunta, if 
the family story continued to prove as 
curate as it had so far. Grandma had 
aid Kunta had been sold to a “Massa 
John Waller," who named him Toby, and 
er, after his foot 1 been cut off, he 
had been sold to John's brother, Dr. 
William Waller, who put him to work in 
the garden at his plantation in Spot- 
sylvania County, Virgini 
Since slaves were considered. property, 
just like a horse or a plot of real estate, 
Т reasoned that there might possibly be a 
record of Кипа sale from one brother 
to the other somewhere among the state 
legal deeds on file in Richmond. So I 


to command 


you 


began searching through those docu- 
ments, starting a few months after his 

iginal purchase, to allow time for his 
unsuccessful escape attempts. Fi- 


four 
nally, I found a deed—dated September 


from John to William Waller. On the 
second page, like an afterthought. were 
the words: "And also one Negro slave 
named Toby.” I sat staring at the docu- 
ment, unable to believe my eyes. It was 
impossible, but I'd done it: traced а man 
who had been dead for almost two centu- 
rics all the way from his home vil i 
western Africa to a plantation in Spotsyl 
vania County, Virgi leap- 
ing up 
10 Gi 
that porch: “Из true! It's all true! Every 
ly happened just the 
One 
1 in the family story, one missing 
document in my search to confirm it, 
and the trail could have petered out any 
where along the way. Somehow, just 
enough fragments had survived from what 
nd what she 
sed on down 


less det: 


and the others had ра 


“One of the tidbits I 
unearthed was the fact that 
the surest mark of veteran 
slave-ship captains was 
thenumber of human 
teethmark scars they 
carried on their legs.” 


through the generations, to lead me final- 
ly, there i inia library, all the 
t-great-great-great- 


grandfather. 
PLAYBOY: Were you ready to 1 
ing the book? 

HALEY; Hardly. 1 had traced my own an- 
cestor all the way from freedom in the 
mbia to slavery in Virginia, and 1 knew 
the outlines of the family story pretty well 
m that point on. But if Roots was 
going to stand a chance of transcending 
the story of one family and becoming the 
saga of an entire people, 1 knew ГА h 
to find out what it had been like not only 
for Kunta Kinte and his descendants but 
for millions like them on both continents 
from that time to this. I felt my job now 
was to immerse myself in resei 
1 life 


gin writ- 


ve 


y ided 10 study 
Most of what ГА read so far had been 
ten by outsiders, predominantly white 
ionaries and anthropologists. and 
even among the most knowledgeable and 


well intentioned of them, the tone was 
somewhat paternal and condescending. 
Their insights and observations were in- 
bly limited by the cultural chasm 
separating them [rom their subjects. So 
I began going back 10 Africa, maybe 15 
or 20 trips. Setting out with my inter- 
preters into the back country. Fd arr 


е 


in a village with a gift of kola nuts or 


something and ask to speak with the most 
honored elders. And I'd sit for hours with 
three or four of those old men, asking 
them about their boyhoods—and about 
ever they could recall their fathers 
telling them about their boyhoods. I was 
digging not only for firsthand cultural 
history but also for personal anecdotes 
that would illuminate the lifestyle and the 
character of these people: sensory impres 
ions of taste. touch, smell and sight that 
would help me bring the story to life 
in a way that the reader could not 
only appreciate but at least vicariously 
experience, 

PLAYBOY: How much of what you learned 
conflicted with your preconceptions about 
Alrica: 


wi 


HALEY: Most of it. The worst misconcep- 
jon І had—in common with most Amer- 
med by the cartoon 


condi 
image of Africans as s mians with 
bones through their noses, swinging from 
lancing around fres over 
s were cooking in big 
pots, What I found out about my own 
ancestors, the Mandinkas—a fairly repre- 
e tribe among the thousands in 
-was that they were a poor people, 
most of them simple farmers at the mercy 
of the harsh elements of western Africa, 
which т; from flood to f; ne. They 
live in what we would consider primitive 
conditions, and during the hungry season 
they sometimes eat rodents and even 
sects to stay alive. But they are a highly 
civilized and sophisticated people who are 
brought up to be aware of, and proud of, 
a rich cultural heritage, and they have a 
deep respect for the value of all life. Most 
re devout Moslems, the men are literate 
in Arabic and not only conversant in 
own language but schooled from 
childhood in Koranic recitation. 
Conditioned as I was to think of Af 
cans as savages, I was deeply moved when 
I learned about the age-old Mandinka 
ritual of child naming, which is still prac 
ticed in the back country. On the eighth 
of his life, a newborn child is 
brought out before the people of his vil- 
lage in his mother's arms and held up 
before his father, who whispers three 
times into the me he 
has chosen; it's the first time that child's 
name has ever been spoken aloud, be- 
cause the Mandinka people believe that 
each human being should be the first to 
know who he is. That night, the naming 
ritual is completed when the father takes 
his child out beyond the village gates апа 
holds the infant above him with his little 
face turned toward the heavens. “Behold,” 


says the father, “the only thing greater 
than yourself.” As a black American, 
brought up to regard myself as second- 
class at best, my knowledge now of 
that simple ancestral declaration has pro- 
foundly changed the way I feel about 
my value as a human being. 
PLAYBOY: How long did it take you to 
collect that kind of firsthand research? 
HALEY: Perhaps four years; then another 
six months organizing it into dozens of 
notebooks, induding one for each year 
of Kunta's life in Africa, distributing 
every shred of information I'd been able 
to find on everything from weapons to 
kitchen utensils, from morning prayers to 
even ‚ from birth to death, 
into what I feel is as comprehensive and 
authentic a profile of African cultural 
life as has ever been assembled. 
PLAYBOY: Werc you as meticulous in re- 
searching the slave life in America? 
HALEY: Maybe more so. It certainly took 
longer. ‘There was hardly anybody to talk 
with who had direct experience of the 
period I was interested in, and the cul. 
ture itself, unlike that of back-country 
Africa, had changed beyond recognition. 
So I had to rely almost entirely on read- 
ing. Digging long and deep in sources 
that had the ring of validity, finally I un- 
earthed solid material—out of antebellum 
memoirs, diaries, personal correspond- 
ence, and the like, by slavemasters and 
-mistresses; out of the Library of Con- 
gress, the Library of the Р.А... the Wid- 
ener Library Harvard, the New York 
City Library's Schomberg Collection in 
Harlem, the Moreland Collection at 
Howard University, the Fisk University 
and Morehouse College libraries, and a 
good twoscore other specialized source 
places—my quest, my mission, being to get 
at the (ruth of slavery. 1 read the works of 
prominent exslaves such as Frederick 
Douglass, Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tub- 
man and Phillis Wheadey, an African 
girl who grew up to become a celebrated 
poet Bur the most invaluable—and 
heartbreaking—research T used in the 
book was gleaned from the transcripts of 
several hundred interviews with com- 
pletely unknown exslaves that had been 
conducted by unemployed writers as а 
WPA project during the ‘Thirties. Many 
of them are in a book titled Lay My 
Burden Down, which 1 recommend to 
уопе interested in the true and terri- 
ble story of slavery as told by its last 
survivors. 

From all this reading, I finally amassed 
a staggering mound of rescarch, which I 
then began to condense and classify into 
а second set of dawn-to-dusk, life-to-death, 
A-to-Z notebooks that constitutes, I think, 
a portrait of plantation America at least 
as exhaustive—and fully as authentic—as 
my research on tribal Afric 
PLAYBOY: Did what you found out about 
slave life in the South force you to revise 
any more preconceptions? 
HALEY: Many—but most of them, I'm 


g campfir 


/ 


ү 


^ 


Forcolor reproduction of complete Wild Turkey painting by Ken Davies, 19 by21’send SI to Box $29-P8-1, Wall St Ste NY C005. 


Wild Turkey Lore: 


In 1776 Benjamin Franklin 
proposed that the Wild | 
Turkey be adopted as the 
symbol of our country. 

The eagle was chosen 
instead. 

The Wild Turkey 
later went on to 
become the symbol of 
our country’s finest 
Bourbon. 


тоок в yews 


— 


WILD TURKEY/ 101 PROOF/8 YEARS OLD. 


© 1976 Austin, Nichols Distiling Co, Lawrenceburg. Kentucky 


75 


PLAYBOY 


76 


happy to say. weren't my own. The worst 
of them, of course, was the popular white 
s ignorant woolly: 
d and shuffled around 
plantation with nothing on their 
minds but sex and watermelon; а lot of 
whites still think that way about us. But 
the fact is that most slaves were innately 
few 


as smart as their masters, and not a 
who got the chance at freedom and an 
education went on to excel in those fields 
they were allowed to enter. 

But there wasn't a single slave who 
wt smart enough 10 lull white folks 
to thinking he was . As long 
nb, they'd 


that through а high- 
ly effective p ne, nearly every slave 
out in the cotton fields learned in min- 


utes just about everything that went on in 
the “1 behind closed 
doors. House slaves eavesdropped on 


most words their masters and. mistresses 
spoke: they suckled babies, changed the 
bed sheets. fed their owners and then 
emptied their slop jars. Yet their masters 
knew next to nothing about them. 

PLAYBOY: What about the old stereotype 
that slaves were lazy and shiltless? Did 
your research shed any light on that? 
HALEY: The facts are that they 
worked very hard six days a week, usual- 
ly from dawn till long after dark. House 
aves, of course, didn't have the same 
kind of backbreaking responsil 
those who worked in the fields; some of 


were 


them, in fact, grew close to their white 
owners and enjoyed special privileges, 
rather like house pets, But field slaves 


were worked sometimes until they literal 
ly dropped dead. It’s not surprising that 
they took every chance they could get 10 
lighten up whenever they thought the 


wh 
overseer’s back was turned: or that aft 


led the same land 
sharecroppers 


emancipation. they 
with more dedicatio 
than they had as slaves. 
PLAYBOY: Didn't the spec 
corded to house slaves a 
held slaves 

HALEY: Lt didnt exactly create а bond 
between them, but more important than 
the fact that one group sweated in the 
Ids while the other wore starched uni 
s. finned the “missy” with ostrich 
hers and ate leftovers from the mas- 
table was the fact that they 
all recognized they were enslaved togeth- 
er. If any of them showed the slightest 
disrespect toward any white—or was even 
suspected of it—they'd all sufler the same 
consequences. 

PLAYBOY: What kind of consequences? 
were administered. regu- 
15. and often by white la 
onto slaves out 


al treatment ac- 
ic them from. 


1 
abouts who happ 
ie on the т 
kinds ol 

commonpla 
pretexts. Е 
ping 


ned evidence of 
a white woman 
ly sadistic case : 
hundreds I documented in my research 
was about an attractive young sl. 

who had been raped by her master. When 
he died, his wife, who had been forced — 
like so many plantation wives—to endure 

silence the humil 

ity, took a poker and beat the 
ly to death: broke her 
places, put out an eye, dishgured her for 
П 


ation of hi: 


win 


Bur the aocity I remember most viv- 
idly was the chopping off of Kunta 
Kinte's foot by those poor-white “pat 
rollers” who caught him after his fourth 
attempt to escape. 1 found myself 
bidly obsessed with it. Over and over 
my mind’s eye, I watched as Kur 
bound by his waist to a tree, struggled 
vainly to escape as his right foot was tied 
ross à stump. 1 saw the ax flash 
n down. 1 heard the thud, the hor 
rible scream, saw his hands flail down- 
as if to retrieve the front half of 
his foot as it fell forward, gouts of blood 


“The fact is that most slaves 
were in nately as smart as 


their maste 


s,and nota jew 
who got the chance went 
on to excel in those fields 

they were allowed to enter.” 


jetting from the stump. It was like a 
current nightmare: I could see it, hei 
But I couldn't feel it, Finally, alter study 
ag the physiology of the foot. I began to 
internalize the agony he must have felt 
as the ax sliced through skin, tendons, 
muscles, blood vessels and bone and 
thudded finally onto the stump. Only 
then did 1 feel that I could write about 


it. And only when I did was | able to 
purge myself of the obsession. 
PLAYBOY: In Roots, vou describe another 


attempt to empathize with the sufferings 
of your ancestor, when, boarding 
freighter bound, as the Lord Ligonier 
had been, from western. Africa to Amer 
ica, you spent every night of the crossing 
stripped to your shorts, lying on the rough 
planking of the dark hold, Did that help 
1 lose yourself 


course, was sheer luxury compar 
what he went through. 1 felt 1 had to do 
something to make it more real for me. 
but lying there night alter night sc 
10 drive me deep inside myself, instead of 
him. I couldn't seem to get i skin 
so that he could cry out, through me, the 


Tei 


ned 


ide hi: 


id endured. And i 


any he l t aponized 


ing it upon myself to tell 
= people. I had been 
on the book for years, I was be 
ing to think I'd never finish. Finally. 

ayself standing at the 


a of 


one nighr. 1 found 
aft rail of the ship, looking back at the 
waves behind us, and very slowly, not 
with despair but with a sense of exhila 
tion, it began ro dawn on me that the 
solution 10 all my problems lay just one 
step before me. All I had to do was slip 
between the rails and drop into the 
t had been my home for 20 year 
ld only be fitting that the birthplace 
of my carcer as a writer would be my 
burying place as well. It would all be 
over and I could join the others up 
there—Jesus!—watching me at that rail 
pout (o bury forever the past they had 
sent me out to find. So help me, God. I 
began to hear their voices talking to me- 
1, Tom, Chicken George, Kizzy 
Kinte—and they were all say- 
ig quietly. "Don't do it, son. Go оп 
Have faith. You're gonna make it.” V 
1 my strength, I pushed myself back 
from that rail and crawled on my hands 
and knees back across the deck to the 
companionway. And that night, in my 
cabin. 1 sobbed my guts out. After th. 
when 1 sat down at my typewriter and 
began to wr flowed, it poured out 
of me like whole story of the 
shiveship er ad I hope it hunts to 
read it as much as it did to write it. 
PLAYBOY: In your zeal to relive the story 
so totally, did it occur 10 you that you 
might be gening carried 
HALEY: I knew I was ge 
1 was lost in it, hopelessly in love with it. 
In the single-mindedness of my determina- 
tion to track down every lead that might 
take me to something E thought I had to 
know or feel, I went days at a time with- 
ш food, nights without sleep, months 
without touch wom Сату 
every scrap of research ГА collected al 
with me in а pair of very heavy saichels 
that never left my side, I traveled maybe 
alf a million miles, interviewed hun- 
dreds of people, read hundreds of books 
pored over thousands of documents in 
more th 70 archives on three conti 
nents. 1 could have gone on that way for 
ever, never satisfied that Fd learned quite 
enough, always hoping that tomorrow I'd 
stumble across one more piece of evi 
dence that I couldn't do without. 
PLAYBOY: What stopped you? 

HALEY: I simply 1 out of two basic 
commodities: time a 1 was ех 
tly four years bel 
delivery of th 
no one knew it. except you, Fd actually 
written only the Af 1 and the 
slaveship crossing. The eternal optim 
I would always convince myself that I'd 
be able to sit down 1 out the rest 


in six months of 18-hour days at the type- 
writer. But then I'd run out of money— 
I'd lost all of my credit cards and friends 
to borrow from—and I'd have to stop 
work on the book entirely for weeks at a 
time to go on the lecture circuit, talking 
about the book, to carn enough money to 
get back to it for a few more months. I 
must have spoken before more than a 
million people “My Search for 
Roots” over a period of seve тз, and 
people were beginning to say that the 
book was just a shuck to get me lecture 
bookings. Even friends like you, who knew 
better, began to lose patience with me. 
PLAYBOY: But not faith. 

HALEY: Well, yours lasted longer than 
mine. Finally, in exasperation, my attor- 
ney, Lou Blau, told me, in so many words, 
to just stop runnin’ my mouth about it, 
take the research I had—which wa 
enough for ten books by then—get off on 
some desert island somewhere and write 
the goddamn thing. I swore I would and 
promised—for the last time—to deliver 
it in six months; Doubleday gave me 
some money to live on until then. Squir- 
reling myself away in a remote Һор 
cottage in Jamaica, West Indies—beyond 
the reach of telephoues—I sat down to do 
just that. 

But as the months passed. I found that 
mail and telegrams were managing to 
find me—and nearly every one seemed to 
be an announcement from some collec 
tion agency that I'd better pay up or 
else; or a command from the IRS. It was 
hard to find a single creditor who was 
willing to accept my honest explanation 
that all those debts had accumulated—and 
couldn't be paid off yer—because of my 
desperate efforts (0 research and then 
write an important but seemingly inter- 
minable book What with one thing or 
another, when I sat down and figured out 
what I owed various people and institu- 
tions, it was a total of around $100,000, 


including late charges, and just realizing 
that had what you might charitably call 
a deterrent effect on my creative output. 


If I didn’t find a few bones to throw to 
the biggest and hungriest of those wolves 
howling at my door, I knew I wouldn't 
have a typewriter to finish the book on 
or a roof to do it under. 

PLAYBOY: Since you did finish, you must 
have found a few bones. Where? 
Hater: I did something I'm not proud of, 
but if it hadn't worked, I'd be even less 
proud of it. With just a few days left 
before my six months were up—knowing 
that I'd need at least another six months 
to finish—I wrote the first 20 pages of 
the next section of the book, polishing 
each and every word until it gleamed, 
and also the last few pages of the book, 
where I tell everybody what it all means. 
I didn't really have any idea what it all 
meant at that point, but I made up some- 
thing that sounded good, and then I 
typed up about 750 pages of my research 


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77 


PLAYBOY 


78 


to the same margins, stuck them between 
the first 20 and the last few pages, num- 
bered them all in sequence, put a big 
rubber band around the whole thing, 
stuck it in a satchel and took the next 
plane to New York, arriving in the office 
of my editor, Lisa Drew, exactly on dead- 
line day. 

Sitting at Lisa’s desk, chitchatting for 
the first five or ten minutes, I could see 
her glance fastened hypnotically on that 
satchel at my side, so at the appropriate 
moment, I opened it up. pulled out this 
massive pt and set it before her 
on the de сусу narrowed warily 
is I explained that it was still just a 
rough draft but that Fd brought 
along to reassure her that I was maki 
progress. Then she began to г 
page. then the second and the third. and 

п to sn i ler. But 
when she kept on turning pages. 1 start- 
ed talking and kept talking, faster and 
ster. asking so many question: she 
finally began just skimming and then 
viflling around page 15. Then, as 1 knew 
she would from long acquaintance, she 
turned to the last page and read it care- 
lully, I'd really poured it on at the end, 
nd when she looked up. it was with 
moist eyes and a tremulous smile 

While she was still in a tender mood, 
1 apologized abjectly tor letting her down 

nce alter crying woll so many 
times. All the more so because | would 
ave to ask her one fast time for another 
six-month extension—and another mod- 
est advance on шу royalties, rough 
10 buy groceries. pay the electric bill and 
keep me in typing paper until ГА put 
the final polish on the ma 
ing, sighing. but obviously 
the apparent existence of 
for a book she had 
she'd never sec, sl 
for consider 
of course—and sincerely wished me good 
warning that 
this was the last penny Fd see until the 
final draft was in her hands exactly six 


rough draft 
bout decided 
thorized а check— 
Му less than I'd asked for, 


her, One way or another, I 
ed to eke out enough of both time 
y to finally finish the book— 
about a year later—but not without pull- 
ng one last shameless ruse. The last 100 
pages of the manuscript, which 1 turned 
in to Doubleday as finished copy only five 
after the final, fin hen 
gin to tumble 
roof of the Doubleday build- 
tually a kind of novelized 
synopsis of the actual copy 1 intended to 
write while the manuscript was being 
typeset. When I received the galleys for 
correction about a month later, I simply 
substituted my 200 new pages for the last 


from the 
— were 


100 pages they had set in type. They 
fumed, of course, but it was incomparably 
better than the original version. I offered 
to pay for the cost of resetting—hoping 
theyd have the Kindness to wrn me 
down, which they did, since they knew 
Га have to ask them for another advance 
to do it. But as things are turning out, it 
looks as if neither Doubleday nor I will 
have to hassle over the printing bills. 

PLAYBOY: Or any other bills, it would 
ppear, since Roots seems destined 10 
become the best seller of the season—and 
ps, when the 12-hour television 
ptation debuts at the end of this 
month, one of the best sellers of all time. 
After all those years of dodging creditors, 
how do you feel about the prospect of 
becoming a millionaire 
HALEY: Well, I still owe enough money 
that itll be a while before I see a dollar 
without somebody else's fing tached 
to it. But when it starts rolling in, I'm 
preity sure III prefer it to poverty. The 
main thing I look forward to is being 
able to go to the mailbox and find a few 
d of a pile of window 
sie that begin: 
fail to call this 


If you 


“ICIL be awhile before 
I see a dollar without 
somebody else's fingers 
attached to it. But when it 
starts rolling in, Tim sure 
Pll prefer it to poverty.” 


mber within 24 hours. Apart [rom 
d the creative independence it'll 
buy for me. the only reason I'm really сх 
cited about making some money is so T 
can fix up my back yard and maybe ger 
п nice stereo system for the living 
room. That's about it. 

PLAYBOY: Will you laugh all the way to 
the bank over some of the criticisms that 
e faulted Roots for having a “pulpy 
style that smacks of conventional ro- 
mance"; for your reliance on the use of a 
slave dialect that becom nd 
ludicrous”: 


ll its 
gloss- 


your family in 
factory way 

HALEY: When almost 
ceived by a book adm 
in some cases adulatory, as 

about Roots, you've got to expect your 
share of pot shots from some quarters. 
They roll off. But if vou me to com: 
ment on the specific criticisms you me 
tioned, ГИ be glad to. As for my pulpy 


simple. direct, descriptive, di 
—а style well suited to the story it 
tells, I think; and many other reviewers 
seem to feel as I do. The usc of slave 
lect, too, is not only intentional but 
authentic: some critics may find it ludi 
crous, but the fact is that that’s the 
those people talked. Should 1 с made 
them speak the king’s English like their 
white owners? Differences in language 
were both symbolic and. symptomatic of 
the vast gulf between slave and master. 
The reason I devoted the first 126 pages 
of the book to Kunta’s life in Africa, 
ne critics found both long and 
that so litile has be nown 
in the West, by white or black, 
bout the depth and richness of African 
culture, which I happen to think we 
all learn something from. 1 also wanted 
to plant Kuntz’s roots so deep. as I told 
the story of his life from birth to capture, 


ing lor the reader as it was lor 
s for depicting Juffure as а primal 
Eden, maybe nd still is. in many 
ways compared with Americas urban 
jungles; but I certainly made no attempt 
10 romanticize the harsh realities of trib- 
al life in western Africa 

PLAYBOY: How about the criticism that 
the book glosses over the more recent 
generations of your famil 
HALEY: I'd be inclined to 
one. I wish I'd had another year or even 
two to flesh out the lives and characters 
of Tom Murray and his family and all 
the others who came alter them, all the 
way down to me, as 1 had been able to 
do with the rest of the book—from Kunta 
and Kizzy through Chicken George. The 
later part of the story is just as rich as 
all that went before, and maybe someds 
Vil have the chance to go back and do it 
the But the re: 
didn’t do ir is that time е 
simply ran ош. Multimillion-dollar book 
publication and TV-production plans 
had been set irreversibly into motion, 
and there was finally no way to resist 
them any longer. But the whole story is 
still there; | don't think the impact or 
the importance of the book has been di- 
minished in any significant way. 

PLAYBOY: The final—and most frequent — 
ge is that, despite all your attempts 
to document the history of your family. 
Roots can't really be called nonfiction, 
because so few specific details could bc 
ted that much of the book is а 
work of imaginati 
HALEY: That's 
All the 
major. incidents are true, and the det 
аге as accurate a depiction of what h 
pened to my family 


agree with that 


justice it deserves. 


corrobor 


nol. 


the 
es and dates are real. All the 


one thing 


nils 


ар- 
or to thousands of 


families like us, as years of research can 
achieve, When it comes to dialog. 
thoughts and emotions, of course, 1 had 


but those 


to make things up even 


inventions are based as much as humanly 
possible on corroborated fact. Call it 
“faction,” if you like, or heightened his 
tory, or fiction based on the lives of real 
people. 

PLAYBOY: However they choose to classify 
it, most reviewers have been ecstatic, hail- 
ing Roots as everything from “the epic 
of the black man in America" to “a book 
of such colossal scope that it arouses not 
only admiration but awe.” Are you em- 
barrassed by all that approbation? 

HALEY: If I were, you couldn't tell wheth- 
er I was blushing. anyway. But what can 
1 say when I see words like colossal and 
epic applied to a book I spent 12 years 
ol my life working on? That's the kind 
of thing any author would dream of 1 
i 


said about his or her book, and now 
rue 
be- 


that such а dream actually is comit 
for me, it’s a little hard to believe. Bu 
cause Roots is more than just a book I 
happened to write, because it Вау come 
to represent far more than just the story 
of my family, I find myself able to мер 
back and see it—above and beyond any 
personal considerations and whatever Jit 
erary merit it may have—as something 
that really is an epic: the colossal epic of 
a people. 
PLAYBOY: Some readers feel the book isn't 
the story of the black man but of man. 
Was that your intention—and is thar 
your hop: 
Hatey: It was and is. On its most literal 
level, it is the story of both my family 
and my people, for the ancestors of all of 
us were brought over here in the same 
way. Bur as Г wrote it, another dimen- 
sion began to emerge. Besides feeling that 
Roots might help restore to black people 
some sense of their identity and pride, I 
felt it might also help the descendants of 
owners, and all peoples every 

Russian and Chinese, Catholic 
and Protestant, Arab and Jen—lace ihe 
facis about the atrocities committed 
time and again, throughout history, in the 
name of everything from King Cotton to 
Almighty God. АП of us. at one time or 
another, in one way or another, ате both 
victim and oppressor, and fate seems to 
be r 
which role at any given time 

Black or white. for those of us here 
in Ame 
the Indians. who already lived here when 
mixed. the ancestors of all of us came 
acros that same ocean on some ship. We 


ther capricious about who plays 


ca, this is our home. Except [ог 


we 


must learn not only to live together 
but—by learning t see one another as 
people rather than as ste 
love one another. That will happen 
when we face what we are and what 
we've done and then forgive one an 
other—and — ourselves—unconditionally 
for everythin 
PLAYBOY: That's a beautiful speech. But. 
do you really think that will сусг happen? 
HALEY: The truth? In the 55 years I've 
been around, I haven't run across any 

(concluded on page 92) 


'otypes—to. 


Alive with pleasure! 


port 


After all. if smoking 
isn’t a pleasure, 
why bother? 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dengerous to Your Health. 


79 


80 


TS MOTEL is situated 
somewhere in the United 
States. The building it- 

self is a simple rectangle. 
brick on the front and 
cement block elsewhere, 60 
picture windows looking 
out over a parking lot to a 
fast-food stand, a topless 
bar and a lumberyard. 

The rooms are painted 
identically in pastel blue 
and the carpeting in each 
unit is a coarse tweedlike 
material, russet with an 
occasional glimmering 
metallic highlight. 

The central area of each 
unit is dominated by an 
oversized bed and a 21-inch 
Zenith color-television set 
bolted to its stand. A small 
subdivision off the sleep- 
ing area serves as а combi- 
nation bathroom, dressing 
room and closet. 

In each unit, there are 
two easy chairs, one desk 
chair and a circular table 
with marbleized top and 
a lamp running up through 
its center like a sapling. 
The dressing-room lamp is 
suspended [rom the ceil- 
ing by a large chain of gold- 
colored plastic. There i 
an overhead sun lamp in 
the bathroom operated 
by a wall time 

Identical prints, un- 
ned, decorate the walls of 
each unit: an overturned 
bout beached beside coiled 
fishing neis; a waterfall 
shimmering in sunlight; 

a nearly perfect moun- 

tain seen behind a forest of 
Douglas firs. And, finally, 
in cach room, there isa 
printed notice establishing 
the price (819 for a 
double, SI for a single, 
$3.50 Jor each additional 
occupant) and the check-out 
time (noon) and banning 
the presence of firearms, es 
plosives and pets. 


THE ONE AND ONLY 


he’s so beautiful 
when he stands up. 
n ab I'm glad you 


п the world. 
I thought all 
men had oni 

WILLARD: Oh, they h 
something—I'm not deny 
ing that. It's just that most 
guys have a lot of trouble 
ng them stand up. A 
other thing, most guys 
have little teensy-weensy 
ones—you don't even 
know it when they're 
standing up. 

rosatie: Should I take 
your word on that? 

WILLARD: Sure. Would I 
kid you about something 
like this? 


WOMAN IN LOVE 


Why can't we 
just meet at your place? 
When your kids are in 
school. 


vd mean too 
much to me. If I ever ler 


you come into my home, 
it'd never be the same foi 
me а Td feel your 
presence in every room « 
my house. Long after you 
left, I'd feel your ghost 
walking around. I've got to 
have someplace that's all 
mine. Some part of my life 
that you haven't touched. 

. 
WARREN: I'm working on 
e little thing—ir'd be a 
way to see more of you. The 
company is sending me to 
San Francisco the second 
week of next month. The 
gift show. I've told them 
fine—it'd be a chance for 


us to be alone. I don't 
know what your schedule 
looks like. 


KAREN: What schedule? 
WARREN: J didn't know 
whether you could line up 

someone to watch the 
kids 
KAREN: That wouldn't be 
a problem. We'd really be 
together the whole we 
WARREN: Five nights 
row. I'll have to go ow 
to the exhibits ev 
least make an appe: 


nc 


but there would be plenty 


of time together. Dee 
would want to come out the 
last weekend of the show 

d do some shopping, but 
the rest of the time will 

he ours 


I see, 
That sounds 


ominous, 
KAREN: Well, I do have 
to get someone to look out 
for the children; I don't 
know: 


х: You knew well 
few seconds 
ago. You're always saying 
we don't sce enough of 
each other. This is our 


KAREN: I don't thi 
can go through with 
Warren, don't ask me to go 
with you. 

WARREN: I've alre 
asked. 


Dee's coming out, too? You 
think I'm running some 


who knows what 
goes on behind 
closed doors? 
we do 


Part one of a 
revelatory new book 


By Mike McGrady 


kind of female shade 
$ Ка 
It's not that. It's 
because I love you too 
much. I don't know how T 
could handle this. I have 
such trouble leaving you 
alter spending just 

an alternoon with you. I 
sometimes wonder how 
Га be able to part if we 
spent a night together 
And after five days 
nights in а row—l 
could never let go of you 
that. 


now 


d 


HOLDING BACK 


nersy: Not yet, darling, 
not yet! 
EDWARD: I c 
Betsy: Don 
don't. 
EDWARD: 1 
back. 
betsy: Don't you dare. 
I mean it, Eddie. Listen to 


"t stop. 


ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT GOLDSTRCM 


9 555 


2 


XE 
ee 


PLAYBOY 


82 


me. Don't do it. Don't come. 

Enwarn: I'm right... there. 

etsy: Listen to me, then—stay right 
there. Don't come. 

EDWARD: Just don’t move— 
don't even breathe. You even breathe and 
it's gonna be all over. It's been too long 
for me. It's like turning on a faucet. 

betsy: Well, see that you don't turn on 
that faucet yet, Eddie. What is this? You 
just got inside—— 

EDWARD: I'm try 

betsy: Keep talking. 

EpwaRD: I'm sorry, baby, it's just been 
too long between drinks. It's been bad. I 
walk into a warm shower these days. 1 get 
a hard-on. Don’t! Really, don't move. 
You know what happened last week? I 
had a wet dream, just like some kid. Oh, 
God, by, I can't hold it back. Don't 
move. Betsy, I'm telling you, just don't 
move! 

netsy: Try to think of something else. 

EDWARD: Sure. I'll just think of some- 
thing else. It's no good, Betsy, the stuff is 
just leaking outta me. 

betsy: Stop! Think of cemeteries. 

EDWARD: Grave 

ветзу: Think of people dying. Think 
of cancer. 

EDWARD: Never mind, Betsy. 

betsy: Think of cancer, Eddie. Think 
of a real awful case of cancer. Think of 
pus. Think of losing an arm. 

EDWARD: Betsy, it's too late. 

BE It's not too late, Think of a 
person getting their leg cut off. 

EDWARD: I'm sorry, Betsy, but it's all 
over. I couldn't hold it. It was like I said, 
like turning on a faucet. 

Betsy: You came 
know it was happening. 

eDwaro: I hardly knew it. 

ветѕү: Eddie, that was such a dirty 
trick. 

EDWARD: You think I could help it? I 
swear. Give me a few minutes and I'll be 
good as new. 

betsy: Terrific. You'll be as good as 
new. You м at I'm think- 
ing about? I’m thinking about somcone's 
arm dr ig off [rom cancer. 


ad I didn't even 


nt to know wl 


THE COATRACK 


MARILY ts so funny about me? 

тому: Your nose i: 

MARILYN: To-ny . - . what was it? Why 
were you just laughing? 

TONY: Oh, nothing. 

MARILYN: Oh, something, you mcam. 
Why won't you just tell me what I Sad. 
when I'm being funny, I'd like to know 
about it. 

тому: 105 not something that you 
said—and it wasn't that funny, anyway. 
It was the way you came into the room. 


s hilarious. 


MARILYN: How did I come into the 
room? 

тоху: You hadda sce it. It was the way 
you did it. It was like you had lived 
here all your life. You walked directly 
to the coatrack, hung your coat there оп 
the hanger and then you opened up the 
drawer and put your gloves in. Next 
thing I expected you to fry up an egg 
or something. 

млкпух: Damn you! 

roxy: Hey, whats the matter? How 
could that make you mad? 


. 
Tony: Seriously. What was it that made 
youmad? 
MARI Г don't think you'll ever 


understand. 
тоху: Not unless you tell me. 

MARILYN: It was what you were laugh- 
ing at, You were laughing at my feeble 
efforts to be domestic. Funny, fun-my! Oh, 
shit, Tony, you don't know what funny 
is until you try to infuse a relationship 
like this one with any domestic qualit 
at all. I added it all up the oth па 
you know how much time I spend with 
you? I spend a total of four hours a weck 
with you. 

Tony: It can’t be. 

MARILYN: It can't be, but it is. Yester- 
day I sat down with a pencil and paper 
and that’s what it came out to, a big, fat 
four hours a week. For you, I'm just an 
extra thing in your life—but you're my 
whole life. Гуе got four hours a weck to 
live my whole life. A grand total of four 
hours a weck in which to satisfy all my 
domestic urges. You sec that as fum 
OK, if that's funny, then my whole life 
is a scream. 

току: Take it easy, honcy, huh? 

MARILYN: ЇЙЇ tell you why you were 
laughing. What was so funny. You know 


day 


how impossible it is. It's like one of those 
‚ some duck wearing roller skates 


cartoons 
trying to climb some moun 
that's easy? You think it's easy to walk into 
а motel room with you and pretend we're 
walking into our own little home? Топу, I 
do everything I can, everything I can 
think up, to make this into something. . . 
decent. Forgive me if I don't find it funny. 

тоху: You're a hundred percent right. 
Т wasn’t thinking. And ГЇЇ tell you some- 
thing. I liked it. I liked the way you hung 
up the coat. It was cute. 


1. You think 


MAN LOOKING FOR REAL TRUE LOVE 


талау: You get yourself undressed. I'm 
goin’ into the little gi 
STEVEN: 


Is’ room, 

You know something? You 
haven't told me how much this costs yet. 
tracy: What'd Bryan tell you? 

SIE Bryan said to talk to you. He 
id you do your own bookwork. 


Its whatever you want to pay. 


Give me a number. 
Sixty-nine, thass my favorite 
number 
STEVEN: You're not being fair. 


RACY: Who you callin’ not bein’ fair? 
Whatever you want to give me, what 
could be fairer 'n that? 

STEVEN: All right, a dollar-fifty. 

Are you gettin’ undressed or 


g 


STEVEN: I never met a woman so anx- 
ious to get me undressed. 

‘racy: I just can't wait to sce the 
goodies. 

STEVEN: You think I'm a cop, don't you? 

TRACY: You a cop? 

STEVEN: Tha it, huh? Whats the 
story? Cops don't get undressed. Do 1 
lock like a cop? 

тклсү: No сор ever looks like а cop. 
Until 1 give ‘em a price, then all of a 
sudden he looks like a cop. Thass th 
reason they get those guys who bust the 
workin’ girls just "cause they don't look 
like cops. 


STEVEN: Do I look like a cop now? 
Tracy: Where you from, anyway? 
STEVEN: Boston. 


yone in Boston speak 
like you? You got some tan for Boston. 
STEVEN: I got the tan on Montego Bay. 
racy: Yeah, lucky you. Where that at? 
STEVEN: Ja 
tracy: Thas 
yourself an oper: 
sreven: No, I had myself an auto 
accident. 
TRACY: Well, you don't look like no 
cop. 

STEVEN: They never get undr 
TRACY: If they do, it’s their 
ble, Shee-it, I've had lots of cops in here 
and sometimes they sav, right whe 
they doin’ it, that they а cop and how 


ica 
s some scar—you have 


onz 


I like that? Long's they humpin’ me, 1 


bout to bust me. 
уһе now you can tell 


know they ain't 

steven: OK, m 
me how much it is. 

TRACY: Same thing. Whatever you want 
to pay. 

STEVE 
20. 

racy: If Bryan say that, Br 
know. 

STEVEN: That's what be said. Twenty 
and the room. I'd like to make a better 
deal with you. Twice as good. I'll give 
you $40 and all I want you to do is pre- 
tend I'm your boyfriend. 

Tracy: 1 pretend you're my ma 

steven: That's it. 

TRACY: Shee-it, I always get the crazies. 

STEVEN: Yeah, right, how about 

tracy: Hey, Joe, whataya 
How you even know I got a man? What 


Bryan said most of the girls get 


an should 


“Whose idea was the name tags?” 


83 


PLAYBOY 


84 


ce it make? I suck him, Т suck 
what difference to that? 

So play along with me. I've 
couple of places and so far it's 
g. Most of you . . . working girls 
m a piece of dirt. 

veacy: Yeah. maybe 1 treat my man 
like he some piece of dirt. 

б 

macy: What're you doin’ now? 

STEVEN: You know what I'm doing. 

macy: You gonna just hump me? 

STEVEN: What? 

Wc I don't know what you think. 
an just jump on me like 
1 street and hu 
not. 
tell you one th 
wouldu't be my man for long. My 
cats me. He knows what I like and he 
cats me like Im brown sugar. Thass 
right. And while my man is eatin’ me, he 
likes if 1 play with him. Oh, yeah. Oh 
yeah, he eats me good. 

. 


racy; | 


sreveN: Could I ask you so 
Tracy: Ах away. 
Did you get anything out of 


thing? 


You I like it? Eb 


TRACY 
fine. I was almost gettin” it on there 


mean 


1 don't go round gettin’ it on. You feel 
like some 69 nowz 


STEVEN: Yeah, 
macy: Hey. my 
rest in the middle of thin 


А 
STEVEN: Could I ask you something? 
macy: Sure, your 

mind now? 
srevex: How many other men did you 

see today? 


whats on 


macy 


When you say how m 
any I hump 


t a dozen. Do 


that bother you? 
steven: Yeah, kinda, You had a dozen 

guys in there today and still you tell me 

to go down on you. 
tracy, Hey, sugar, w 


u 
to be my man. While 
eat me out and he don't never 
y guys in there before him. 
STEVE the odds against catch- 
something: 
Tracy: Catching a dose? Not likely. If 
1 go round givin’ ош the «ар, 1 be 
ess pretty soon. 
1 wishi I could be sure of that. 
Hey. sugar, you know back 
the Alcove, they got a little m 
chine. In the little bows room. You so 
worried about catchin’ the «ар, next 


n 
time you buy yourself one of them 
rubbers, 


m: 


STEV 
TRA 


Y hate those things. 

ev: Don't worry yourself, sug 
ain't sick comin’ in here, you 
to be sick goin’ out. 


аг, you 


goin’ 


DADDY'S GIRL 

SYLVIA: No. 

BILL: No? 

syıvia: No. Really. You don't have to. 

BILL: 1 want to. 

SYLVIA: It’s not necessary. Really, I'm 
more tired than I thought. We don't have 
to make this into a big production 
number. 

init: I thought you'd like— 

syvin: Don't get me wrong, Will, 


sit: It's Bill. 

SYLVA: Will, Bill—same difference. 
Don’t worry, I know who you arc. It n 
surprise you to learn Гуе wanted you for 
a long time, а good long time. Ever since 
you started coming imo The Shack. 

butt: You've got beautilul breasts. I'd 
never have guessed they were so lar 
You must strap them down 

зугмта: Don't. Don't kiss. Really. You 
don't have to do anything at all. Just 
hold me. Just relax and enjoy yourself. 

вил: Dam enjoying mysell 

syrvia: Just don’t work so hard, huh? 
I'm too tired for a lot of hard work 


tonight. 
ait: Ohh. 
ni Come on, darling. Come on, 


That's right, Oh, yes, that's 
right. I'm all shive 
sit: Oh. yeah, 


SYLVIA: Dont hold back. Come on, 
darling, 
sikt: Pm there, Pm there right now. 


svivia: Ah, Ab, yes, ul 
my good darli 


ood. That's 


вил: You didn't have to do that. 
syLvia: How do you know? 
вил: Huh? 
SYLVIA: How do у 
to do? You don't r 
about me, Not re 
mia: I know wi 
SYLVIA: 1 guess so. Thats what you 
know about me, how I feel. 105 just that 
if we ever do this ag 
site: When—you 
this n. 
syrvia: No, I mean if. I better. w: 
you about something. I can't stand people 
who think they know whar's going o 
my mind. If we do this again, I have one 
est 10 make. Don't worry so much 
пе happy- 1 don't want to 
King about that 
aspect of it. It’s enough that I can see 
you're getting pleasure from me. That's 
what's important to me. So I don't w: 
you to go crazy trying to make me happy. 


u know what I have 
Шу know ану 


п when we do 


арру 


BILL; What's the deal? Do you have 
another guy? 

„h Thats not a bad guess. 

pint: Is chat iè 

SYLVA: You might 
don't look 

ma: Oh. 

SYLMA: Don’t sound so sad. Hc's been 
dead for six years. 

BILL: Who was he? 

SYLMA: You'd be shocked. 

BILL: Was he someone famous? 

SYLVIA: No, he was never famous. 

вил: You can tell me. I don't shock 
casy. 

* He was my father. 

BILL: Your father? 

SYLVA: 1 thought you said you don't 
shock easy. Everyone gets so upti 
about that. 

вил: Do you mi 


ay that. Oh, Will, 
e that. He's dead. 


п your nalural fathi 

l No, | mean my unnatural fa 
ther. Oh. Bill. of couse my natural father 
He was very old when 1 born. The 
I was born, he was 65 years old. By 
ime he did anythin; 
senile. 

вил: How old were yo 
screwed you? 

is: You mean when he made love 
to me. He did love me. And he never 
touched me until after my mother died ol 
cancer. There was no one sleeping with 
him then and he just started in sleepin 
with me. It all seemed very natural. 
You're making this up. I 
ny of it. 
эмма: You know 


to me. he was 


When he 


thing, Will? It 


doesn't require your belief or your ap- 
proval or your anything 

вил: It's Bill 

syrara: Why is it Bill. not Will? Wh 


possible diflerence can that make? 


ви To me there's difference. 
You've got to admit it’s all a little weird. 
Is it? Maybe not as weird a 


you think it is. 1 personally happen to 
know two other women who've slept 
with their fathers. That's two who voli 
teered the information. You've 
dmit that’s the kind of informat 
many people would volunteer. 

вил: He must've been sick. 

isis: He may have been, at the end. 

вил: The minute he first touched you, 
he was sick then. 

svLviA: Oh, I don't know how sick he 
was. You've been telling me all night 
how beautiful my breasts are, how nice 
my body is, It is a good body. It's а body 
d to accommodate a man. Any 
My body never knew the difference 
between my father and another man. 
about? 
ne to me, I 
$74. 


тл: What're you talkir 
a When my father ca 


was only nine years old. He w: 
вил: That's terrible. 
(concluded on page 226) 


NATURAL 


Е ГЇ! 


e —ͤ — 


if barbara kigh 


werent so wary of 
А 


Шел 
OR 


was fabulous 
instead, well jut 


ask youlo 


s (Сї уси 


YOU'VE SEEN HER in those Win- 
ston ads, svelte in tube top 
and sailor jeans, her long hair 
streaming in the (studio) wind. 
You may also have seen her 
trotting on horseback in the 
British Sterling TV spots, a 
bottle of the touted cologne 
on a silver tray precariously 
balanced in one hand. Or in 
any one of two dozen other 
television commercials Barbara 
Leigh has done. 

Barbara is back. Three and 
a half years ago (PLAYBOY, May 
1973), clad for the most part 
in only a Navaho concho belt, 
Jong-legged Barbara was In- 
dian,” the girl in our pictorial 
about her Cherokee origins. 
‘This month we find her in the 
(text concluded on page 203) 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY PHILLIP DIXON 


85 


ty is something that doesn’t have 
to be proved. I prefer an understated 
ап who doesn't brag or go around wearing 
skintight shirts. I adore men, but 
I really like having one guy. I used to 
be looking for some kind of 
salvation in a man. Now I just want 
to give. When find the one 
who can be my best friend, that 
man will be my lover.” 


“After I got to Hollywood, I learned the importance of self- 
esteem. There is a lot of insecurity and role playing here. I did 
a lot of foolish things, I was always looking for the right man. 

When I learned to love and respect myself, people had a lot more 
respect for me. Now I take responsibility for myself and try 
to develop my career. The competition is really tough— 
there’s a turnover of beautiful girls every three years. But 
Pye made as much as $12,000 for two days’ television modeling.” 


90 


* like California for the freedom. Growing up 
in a Southern home for girls, I didn’t have all the 
attention or the restrictions that most girls 
get. That made me a very independent person. 
I learned to think for myself.” 


“Mysticism fascinates me. I've always loved horror 
films. When I was 12, I saw ‘Horror of Dracula’ I was hooked! 
Tre seen every vampire film since then. They're very 
sexy—I’ve had all kinds of fantasies about them. 

It’s just the opposite of my Baptist upbringing.” 


PLAYBOY 


92 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW (continued from page 79) 


great signs of a new awakening, On an 
individual basis. yt now and then, a 
spontaneous act of kindness and under- 
standing. here and there heart-warming 
cases of genuine brotherhood—like our 
own 15-year friendship, if you'll allow me 
to get personal. But I can’t say I feel too 
optimistic about the perfectibility of man- 
kind. On the other hand, I'm encouraged. 
by the tremendous upswelling of emotion 
that Roots seems to have set in motion, 
an emotion that—to judge from the out- 
pourings of sometimes even tearful grati- 
tude I'm encountering wherever I go 
these days—seems to be not only cathar- 
tic but, in some way, healing. If people 
hadn't wanted and needed that, hadn't 
been ready for it, in some deep way, I 
don't think the book would be nearly as 
important as it seems to have become. 
PLAYBOY: Aren’t people also responding 
to some pretty old-fashioned virtues in 
Roots? Whatever else it may be, isn’t the 
book a kind of tribute to the family unit 
as a force of continuity in human society 
and the repository of its values? 

HALEY: Say that again slow and let me 
write it down; I didn't know how pro- 
found I was. But, yes, to me the family 
has always been the source and heart of 
every culture, I didn’t set out with that 
thought in mind as one of the messages of 
the book, but J guess it is. In the 40 or so 
years since I grew up in Henning, the 
family has been shrinking and drifting 
арап as America has moved from the 
country to the city, from huge, messy old 
homes echoing with the noise of three 
generations 10 closet-sized, $400-2-month 
apartments for swinging singles eating 
TV dinners alone in 600-unit high-rises; 
from sitting on front porches, listening 
to grandmothers tell family stories like 
the ones I heard, to sitting in suburban 
rec rooms with baby sitters while Mom 
and Dad go out; from screen. doors left 
unlocked to steel doors triplelocked; 
from walking home after school by way 
of the fishing hole, the sand lot and Miss. 
Scrap Green's house, where she'd always 
have a plateful of hot cookies waiting on 
Thursday afternoons, to riding home 
through cursing mobs behind the barred 
windows of school buses with armed 
drivers. 

I don't mean to run down urban Amer- 
ica; 1 live in Los Angeles and 1 drive a 
Mercedes. And I don't want to romanti- 
ize our past; when I was а boy, we did 
without a lot of conveniences—like elec- 
tricity—that have made life easier for 
everyone, and I grew up in a segregated 
town. But there's no question that some- 
where along the way between then and 
now, we've lost something very precious: 
a sense of community, which is nothing 
more than a congregation of families. 
Everybody in town knew everybody else 
in town; there wasn't much privacy and 
there weren't many secrets, but there was 


no such thing as loneliness, anonymity, 
psychiatry. People didn't think about 
"role models" or worry about losing their 
identities "They weren't so anxious to 
leave home and go "looking for them- 
selves" in the big city when I was grow- 
ing up. "They usually wound up doing 
more or less what their fathers and moth- 
ers had done and spent their whole lives 
within a mile of where they were born. 
And felt good about it. 

It was smalltown America, and it was 
pretty much the same in Henning, Ten- 
nesice, as it was in Plains, Georgia, or 
Emporia, Kansas. I say was because the 
binding hardships that created them and 
the simple pleasures that held them to- 
gether are slipping away, dying off even 
in the back county, along with all those 
square values like trust, decency, neigh- 
borliness, patriotism. Even those of us 
who never grew up there, as I was for- 
tunate enough to do, feel a sense of loss 
and longing, as the media and the super- 
markets and the exurban industrial com- 
plexes slowly homogenize the Jand from 
coast to coast. 

PLAYBOY: Do you think that process is 


“My fondest hope is that 
‘Roots’ may start black, 
white, brown, red, yellow 
people digging back for 
their own roots. Man, that 
would make me feel 90 
fect tall.” 


inevitable—and irreversible? 

HALEY: Probably, but I don't think it's 
inevitable that the moral and spiritual 
values that give meaning to our lives— 
that we most cherish in ourselves—have 
to disappear along with the rural Amer- 
ica that nurtured them. This sense of 
self-worth can be revived and sustained— 
but only by restoring pride in who we 
are and what we mean to one another. 
We need, among other things, to start 
holding more family reunions; however 
sophisticated we become, that's where we 
all come from, and we can't afford to 
forget it. But my fondest hope is that 
Коо may start a ground swell of longing 
by black, white, brown, red, yellow people 
everywhere to go digging back for their 
own roots, to rediscover in their past a 
heritage to make them proud, Man, that 
would make me feel 90 feet tall—to think 
I was the impetus for that! 

PLAYBOY: You don’t expect people to go 
through the kind of ordeal you did, do 
you? 


HALEY: No, just go rummaging through 
those old trunks up in the attic, those 
old boxes under the bed; and don't throw 
anything old away if it has to do with 
the family. But the first thing they ought 
to do is simply open their ears. The rich- 
est source of family history you could 
find anywhere in the world is the mem- 
ories of your parents and your grand- 
parents—memories that will tell you 
things you never knew or have long since 
forgotten about yourself; but perhaps 
even more importantly, they will reveal to 
you, perhaps for the first time, the true 
identities of those who gave you life— 
and shared theirs with you for so many 
years. This will make them feel needed, 
relevant, alive—and that will bring out 
the same response in you. And almost 
certainly, this exchange of caring will 
deepen the blood bonds that can make a 
close-knit family the strongest social unit 
in the world. And in ways that will be 
understood best by those who belong to 
such families—the kind that eat together, 
stand up for one another, share births and 
deaths—it may leave you profoundly 
changed. The giving and getting, the 
sense of belonging and contributing to 
something larger than yourself, to some- 
thing that began before you were born 
and will go on after you die, can make it 
possible for you to accept life in a way 
that makes you wish the whole world 
could realize how easy it is to feel as you 
do, and wonder why they don't. That's 
what ha 
has done for me. I pray that reading 
and then reaching out for their families 
10 ji in a search for their own—will 
do the same for everyone. 

PLAYBOY: One last question: What do 
you think your ancestors would th 
about all the acclaim over Roots? 
HALEY: I hope they would approve. I 
often think of the Mandinka belief that 
Kunta’s father expresses in the book: 
that there are three kinds of people living 
in every village: those you can see, walk- 
ing around; those who are waiting to be 
born; and those who have gone on to 
join the ancestors. That idea was brought 
alive for me again recently while I was 
on the set, watching them shoot the TV 
series based on Roots. І found myself 
wishing Grandma and the others could 
be there, too. I could almost see Grandma, 
wearing that hat she reserved for state 
occasions such as a revival meeting—the 
one with a feather like an apostrophe on 
it—and I could just hear her making her 
ovn private commentary on the film: Her 
father wasn't that fat, her grandfather 
wasn't that bald. And then I suddenly 
realized that she really is watching, along 
with Tom, Chicken George, Kizzy, Kunta 
and all the rest. All of them are up there 
watchin'—and not just over me now, but 


over all of us. 


“Here is that little creep who wants to pay for it with his drawings.” 


93 


article By PAUL HRASSNER 


THE PARTS LEFT 

- OUT OF THE 

PATTY HEARST 
TRIAL 


—5À Gu 


including groucho marx, fresh nail 
polish, tribal thumb 
and the rock in patty's purse 


What one cannot do to a dog is 
to make it salivate by telling it a 
story about food. This is something 
which can be done to a human. 

—"THE IMAGE” 


If you feed a starving person Ex- 
Lax, all you get back is the Ex-Lax. 
— ALEXANDER KING 


GROUCHO MARX muttered during an inter- 
view back in 1971, "I think the only hope 
this country has is Nixon’s assassination." 
He was not subsequently arrested for 
threatening the life of a President. In 
view of the indictment against Black Pan- 
ther David Hilliard for using similar 
rhetoric, I wrote to the San Francisco 
office of the Justice Department to find 
out the status of its case against Groucho. 
And I received this reply: 


Dear Mr. Krasner: 

Responding to your inquiry of 
July seventh, the United States Su- 
preme Court has held that Title 18 
U.S.C, Section 871, prohibits only 
"true" threats, It is one thing to say 
that "I (or we) will kill Richard 


ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN O'LEARY 


PLAYBOY 


96 


хоп” when you are the leader of 
an organization which advocates kill- 
ing people and overthrowing the 
Government; it is quite another to 
utter the words which are attributed 
to Mr. Marx, an alleged comedian. 
It was the opinion of both myself 
and the United States Attorney in 
Los Angeles (where Marx's words 
were alleged to have been uttered) 
that the latter utterance did not con- 
stitute a "true" threat. 

Very truly yours, 
James L. Browning, Jr. 
United States Attorney 


Five years later, I found myself sit- 
ting in a Federal courtroom every day 
to observe The Browning of America. 
This same U. S. Attorney was prosecuting 
a bank-robbery case that seemed more 
like some perverted vision of a Marx 
Brothers movie. 

Originally, Patty Hearst was going to 
be defended by the radical team of Vin- 
cent Hallinan and his son, Kayo. Hal- 
linan was in Honolulu when the FBI 
captured Patty and he assigned Kayo to 
visit her in jail. Although as Tania she 
had called Vincent a clown in a taped 
communiqué, now, as Patty, she said of 
Kayo, "He's good. Like, I really trust 
him politically and personally, and I can 
tell him just about anything I want and 
he's cool" lt was, however, a lawyer- 
client relationship that would not be 
permitted to mature. 

When Patty described her physical 
reaction to having her blindfold removed 
while in captivity, Kayo recognized an 
urgent similarity to reactions to LSD. 
Patty agreed there had been something 
reminiscent of her acid trips with Steven 
Weed in the old Hearst mans Be- 
sides, there was circumstantial evidence 
that the S.L. A. could have dosed her with 
LSD. The brother of Mizmoon reported 
that she and Camilla Hall had taken 
acid; in TV Guide, Marilyn Baker 
claimed that drugs had been found at the 
S. L.A. safe house in Concord; and on 
the very first taped communiqué, Patty 
herself had said, “1 caught a cold, but 
they're giving me pills for it and stuff.” 
Her defense was going to be involuntary 
toxication, a side effect of which is 
amnesia. So Patty would neither have to 
snitch on others nor invoke the Fifth 
Amendment 42 times for her own protec- 
tion. In response to any questions about 
that missing chunk of her life, she was 
going to assert, “I have no recollection.” 
The Hallinans instructed her not to talk 
to anybody—especially _ psychiatrists— 
about that period. 

But her uncle, W Randolph 
Hearst, Jr., editor in chief of the Hearst 
newspaper chain, flew in from the East 


Coast to warn his family that the entire 
corporate image of the Hearst empire 
was at stake and theyd better hire an 
establishment attorney—fast: Enter F. 
Lee Bailey and his partner, Albert John- 
son, who visited with Patty for a couple 
of hours at San Mateo County Jail in 
order to encourage her to tell the psy- 
chiatrists everything and not say “I have 
ho recollection.” She could пим these 
doctors, they assured her, and nothing she 
said could be used against her in any 
way. Patty had been kidnaped again. 

Ah, yes, that philosophical puzzle that 
has plagued the history of human con- 
sciousness—is there is or is there ain't 
free will? was finally going to be 
weighed by a jury. This would be the 
crux of its decision. But it was not exactly 
a jury of Patty's peers. None had ever 
been forced to undergo an experience 
beyond paranoia, only to be constipated 
in a closet for ten days, then granted 
instant relief in the form of Ex-S.LAx, 
a revolutionary catharsis. 

While the trial was in progress, Rich- 
ard Cole reported in Sundaz!, a Santa 
Cruz weekly, that Research West—the 
private right-wing spy organization that 
maintains files supplied by confessed po- 
litical burglar Jerome Ducote—‘was pur- 
chased October of 1969 with funds 
provided by Catherine Hearst” and that 
“alter the Hearst connection became 
known to employees . . . at least one [San 
Francisco] Examiner reporter was told to 
drop any further investigation into the 
Ducote case." The Sunddz! story stated 
not only that Catherine Hearst gave or 
lent most of the $60,000-570,000 pur- 
chase price for the company but also that 
prior to the purchase, the foundation 
supported itself through “contributions” 
averaging $1000, provided by Pacific 
‘Telephone, Pacific Gas & Electric, rail- 
roads, steamship lines, banks and the 
Examiner. In return, the files were avail- 
able to those companies, as well as to 
local police and sheriff departments, the 
FBI, the CHA and the IRS. The Exam- 
iner paid $1500 a year through 1975 to 
retain the services of Research West. 

It was not an easy task for Stephen 
Cook to report about the trial of his 
boss's daughter, what with the boss sitting 
right there in the front row of the court- 
room to oversee him, but he did not 
spare his employer from embarrassing 
testimony and, to the credit of the Exam- 
iner, he was not censored. However, 
another Examiner reporter, Dick Alex- 
ander, who was writing feature material 
on the trial, had his copy changed so 
drastically that he requested his byline 
be dropped. The first day of the trial, he 
had worn a tie with the legendary ruck 
you emblazoning the design. Randolph 


Hearst chastised him for this, but to his 
credit, he continued to wear the tie, as 
though it were a God-given mantra. Per- 
haps it reminded Randy of the time Patty 
screamed, Fuck you, Daddy!” at his 
Examiner office. Now а syndicated car- 
toon by Lichty—with the caption "T 
don't know whether she was brainwashed, 
but she should certainly have her mouth 
washed out with soap!"—appcared only 
in the first edition of the Examiner. 

The trial was also grist for the TV 
entertainment mill. On the Merv Griffin 
show, the audience voted 70-30 that 
Patty was guilty as charged. On Maude, 
the British maid studying for her citizen- 
ship test had to answer the question 
"Who said, ‘Give me liberty or give me 
death'?” She was given a hint that the 
initials were P.H. She did not guess 
Patrick Henry. And Johnny Carson in 
his opening monolog wondered whether 
F. Lee Bailey would get Lockheed off 
“for kidnaping our money.” 

Soap-opera actress Ruth Warrick, who 
starred in Citizen Kane, now says, “My 
name was not printed in any Hearst 
paper for five years after that film was 
released. I could be the star of a movie 
and my name couldn't even be men- 
tioned in the ads in Hearst papers.” Patty 
has never seen Citizen Kane. Throughout 
her trial, there was a screen set up in the 
court, but instead of Orson Welles, over 
and over and over again like some recur- 
ring nightmare she would view footage of 
herself helping rob the Hibernia Bank. 
One witness at the bank was convinced 
that it was all merely an episode for 
Streets of San Francisco and that Patty 
‘was just an actress. 

Nancy Faber of People magazine be- 
came the unofficial courtroom fashion 
advisor. If you wanted to find out exactly 
what color Pattys pants suit was, she 
would know that it was Iranian rust. But 
while Patty was wearing light-brown cye 
shadow or pearlgray nail polish to indi- 
cate that she didn’t have the hands of a 
criminal, the San Quentin Six were ap- 
pearing before their jury cach day in 
shackles and leg irons. Shana Alexander 
was the only journalist who skipped a 
day at the Patty Hearst trial to enter into 
the separate reality of the San Quentin 
Six. A rhetorical question had been asked 
of the press: “How can you justify exten- 
sive coverage of Patty Hearst and say 
litle, if anything, about the San Quentin 
in which the state has admitted not 
having any real evidence?" KQED inter- 
viewed media folks, who rationalized that 
they were only giving the public what it 
wanted. But when you haye a TV pro- 
gram like Mowgli’s Brothers, an animated 
cartoon based on Rudyard Kipling's 
Jungle Books, in which an abandoned 

(continued on page 100) 


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PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARO IZUI 


99 


PLAYBOY 


100 


PATTY HEARST TRIAL (continued from page 96). 


by is adopted by a couple of compas- 
sionate wolves who talk to him—and 
right in the middle there's a commercial 
with "Tony the Tiger telling the young 
viewers they should eat Frosted Flakes— 
is that giving the public what it wants, or 
is it brainwashing? Have an equation: 
"Ehe San Quentin Six is to Patty Hearst 
as sassafras root is to Frosted Flakes. 
. 

Patty's mom and dad are there on view 
when the jury is selected, although the 
press is excluded. (How can the judge be 
sure that Randolph Hearst won't leak 
the story?) And now they sit here, in 
the front row of the courtroom cach day, 
so that their protective image will con- 
tinue to Jurk behind Princess Patty in 
the subconscious memory of the jurors. 
What's really on trial is the royal nuclear 
family—floor sample of a consumer unit 
that also serves as the original source of 
authority. If Patty had not "belonged" 
to her parents, why would anybody want 
to kidnap her? And if the princess had 
lived her prekidnap life inside the safety 
of the castle, then how could any old 
L.A. get her? The message of this trial 
is dear: Destroy the seeds of rebellion 
in your children or we shall have it done 
for you. Opera glasses scattered around 
the courtroom focus on Patty and her 
parents, who are busy pretending that 
they aren't being watched for reactions. 
They have become a captive audience by 
being forced to listen in public—this 
time to a tape-recorded communiqué 
from the princess abdicating her right to 
the throne: 


Mom, Dad, I would like to com- 
ment on your efforts to supposedly 
secure my safety. The PIN giveaway 
was a sham, . . . You were playing 
games—stalling for time—which the 
FBI was using in their attempts to 
assassinate me and the S.L.A. ele- 
ments which guarded me. 

I have been given the choice of, 
one, being released in a safe area or, 
two, joining the forces of the Sym- 
bionese Liberation Army... . I have 
chosen to stay and fight. 

1 want you to tell the people the 
truth. Tell them how the law-and- 
order programs are just a means to 
remove so-called violent—meaning 
aware—individuals from the com- 
munity in order to facilitate the con- 
trolled removal of unnecded labor 
forces from this country, in the same 
way that Hitler controlled the re- 
moval of the Jews from Germany. 

1 should have known that if you 
and the rest of the corporate state 
were willing to do this to millions of 


people to maintain power and to 
serve your needs, you would also kill 
me if necessary to serve those same 
needs, How long will it take before 
white people in this country under- 
stand that whatever happens to a 
black child happens sooner or later 
to a white child? How long will it be 
before we all understand that we 
must fight for our freedom? . .. 


At the end of the tape, Donald De- 
Freeze (aka. Cinque) comes on with a 
triple death threat, especially to Colston 
Westbrook, accused of being “a Govern- 
ment agent now working for military 
intelligence while giving assistance to the 
BL" This communiqué was originally 


sent to n Francisco radio station 
KSAN. News director David McQueen 
checked with a Justice Department 


source, who confirmed Westbrook’s em- 
ployment by the CIA. Assassination re- 
searcher Mae Brussell claims to have 
traced his activities from 1962, when he 
was CIA advisor to the South Korean 
CIA, through 1969, when he provided 
logistical support in Vietnam for the 
CIA's Phoenix program; his job was the 
indoctrination of assassination and ter- 
rorist cadres, After seven years in Asia, he 
was brought home, along with the war, 
and assigned to run the Black Cultural 
Association at Vacaville in 1970, where 
he became the control officer for De- 
Freeze, who had worked as a police in- 
former from 1967 to 1969 for the Public 
Disorder Intelligence Unit of the Los An- 
geles Police Department. If DeFreeze was 
a double agent, then the S.L.A. was a 
Frankenstein monster, turning against its 
creator by becoming in reality what had 
been orchestrated as a media image. 
When Cinque finked on his keepers, he 
signed the death warrant of the S.L.A. 
When his charred remains were sent from 
Los Angeles to his family in Cleveland, 
they couldn’t help but notice that he had 
been decapitated. It was as if the CIA 
had , “Bring me the head of Donald 
DeFreeze!” 


. 

Consider the revelations of Wayne 
Lewis in August 1975. He claimed to 
have been an undercover agent for the 
FBI, a fact verified by Clarence Kelley 
and William Sullivan. Surfacing at a 
press conference in Los Angeles, Lewis 
spewed forth а veritable litany of con- 
spiratorial charges: that DeFreeze was an 
FBI informer; that DeFreeze was killed 
not by the SWAT team but by an FBI 
agent, because DeFreeze had become "un- 
controllable”; that the FBI then wanted 
Lewis to infiltrate the S.L.A.; that the FBI 
had undercover agents in other under- 
ground guerrilla groups; that the FBI 


knew where Patty Hearst was but let her 
remain free so it could build up its files of 
potential subversives. At one point, the 

FBI declared itself to have made 27,000 
checks into the whereabouts of Patty 
Hearst. It was simultaneously proclaimed 
by the FDA that there were 25,000 
brands of laxative on the market. That 
means one catharsis for each FBI investi- 
gation, with a couple of thousand poten- 
tial loose shits remaining to smear across 
NO LEFT TURN signs. Patty had become a 
vehicle for repressive action on the right 
and for wishful thinking on the left. 

Brainwashing does exist. Built into the 
process is the certainty that one has not 
been brainwashed. Patty's ob 
her defense team parallels her obedience 
to the S.L.A. The survival syndrome has 
simply changed hands. Bailey is Cinque 
in whiteface. Instead of a machine gun, 
he owns a helicopter company—Enstrom, 
an anagram for Monster. Instead of 
taping underground communiques, he 
holds press conferences. It’s all showbiz. 

A three-month-old baby, whose mother 
wanted to expose her to the process of 
justice, was being breastfed in the back 
of the courtroom while Patty testified 
that she had been raped in a closet by 
the lover she once described as “the 
gentlest, most beautiful man I've ever 
known.’ 

Now, on crossexamination, Browning 
wanted to know, “Did you, in fact, have 
a strong feeling for Willie Wolfe?” 

"In a way, yes.” 

As a matter of fact, were you in love 
with him?” 

iS? 

A little later, he asked if it had been 
“forcible rape.” 

“Excuse mer” 
ruggle or submit 

“I didn't resist. I was afraid.” 

Now Browning walked into the trap: 
I thought you said you had strong feel- 
ings for him?” 

“I did," Patty replied t 
couldn't stand him. 

It sure seemed fake. And yet. .. and 
yet - . there was this letter to the 
Berkeley Barb: 


тсе to 


1 


mphantly. 


Only a woman knows that the sex 
act, no matter how gentle, becomes 
rape if she is an unwilling partner. 
Her soul, as well as her body, is 
scarred. The gentleness of Willie 
Wolfe does not preclude rape. Rape, 
this instance, was dependent 
upon Patricia Hearst's state of mind, 
not Willie Wolfe's, We must all re- 
member that only Patty knows what 
she felt; and if we refuse to believe 
her, there can be no justice. 

(continued on page 114) 


THE ABILITY to fashion classic repartees 
on the spur of the moment and deliver 
them with style is, indeed, a God-given 
gift. Most of us mere mortals, when con- 
fronted with the opportunity to say some- 
thing singularly witty or derisive, are 
tragically reduced to blurting out the first 
idiotic thing that comes to mind. Others 
of us concoct piercing retorts long after 
the opportunity has passed and are thus 
ineffectual. Since most of us will never 
achieve the dazzling heights attained by 


ILLUSTRATION BY BOB POST 


the Winston Churchills, Benjamin Dis- 
raelis and Dorothy Parkers of the world, 
we've compiled 50 of the best comeback 
lines ever. If you fancy yourself a great 
wit among men, try covering up the last 
lines of each paragraph and thinking up 
a better comeback. 
. 

lt was no secret that Benjamin Dis- 
raeli and William Gladstone were arch 
political enemies. After a particularly 
heated debate in the House of Commons, 


GREAT 
COMEBACK 
LINES 


compiled by JOHN BLUMENTHAL 


fifty of the most resounding retorts 
ever—delivered by such masters 
ofthe art as mark twain, 

dorothy parker and winston churchill 


PLAYBOY 


Gladstone, addressing Disraeli, shouted, 
“Sir, you will come to your end either 
upon the gallows or of venereal discas 

To which Disraeli calmly replied, 
should Mr. Gladstone, that depends 
on whether I embrace your principles or 
your mistress.“ 


б 

As a rookie reporter for the New York 
World, young Heywood Broun was told 
to interview Utah Senator Reed Smoot. 
“I have nothing to say," Smoot told 
n. 
I know," replied Broun. “Now let's 
get down to the interview.” 

б 

A heavy drinker, Herman Mankiewicz, 
the journalist-screenwriter, once attended 
a very proper formal dinner party at the 
home of producer Arthur Homblow, 
Jr. Blized by mid meal, Mankiewicz 
suddenly vomited on the dinner table, to 
the horror of host, hostess and guests. A 
long silence ensued but was finally shat- 
tered by Mankiewicz, who turned to his 
host and said, “Don’t worry, Arthur. The 
white wine came up with the fish.” 


° 

Winston Churchill, accused of en 

sentences with prepositions, said, “This 

is the type of arrant pedantry up with 
which I will not put.” 
. 

During the period he was writing for 
the Marx Brothers, George 5. Kaufman of- 
ten had disagreements with Groucho con- 
cerning some of the Hatters ad-libbed 
lines. Once, when one of Groucho's bits 
had bombed, Kaufman was critical. 

“Remember, Groucho 
“they laughed at 
boat.” 

“Not at matinees, they didn’t," was 
Kaufman's reply. 


. 
While delivering a speech, Abraham 
Lincoln was rudely interrupted by a heck- 
ler, who said, “Do I have to pay a dollar 
to sce the ugliest m the country?” 
I'm afraid, sir,” replied Lincoln, “that 
you were charged a dollar for that privi- 
lege—but I have it for nothing.” 


* 

Drama critic Alexander Woollcott 
was once invited to attend one of Ar- 
turo Toscani orchestral rehearsals at 
NBC's Studio 8H. He was directed to 
the back elevator, over which there was a 
sign that read ORCHESTRA ONLY. 

Undaunted, Woollcott entered the ele- 
vator only to be stopped by the operator. 
“I'm sorry, sir,” the man said, “this car is 
reserved for musicians only.“ 

Thats all right,” replied Woollcott. 
“I have my organ with me.” 

. 

While governor of New Jersey, Wood- 
row Wilson was informed that one of the 
is Senators from that state 


had died. Shortly after getting the news, 
Wilson received a phone call from a New 
Jersey politician, who said, “Governor, 
I'd like to take the Senator's place.” 
Thats perfectly agrecable to me,” 
said Wilson, "if it's agreeable to the 
undertaker.” 
б 
During ап audience with President 
ng, comic Will Rogers said, "I 
would like to tell you all the latest jokes, 
Mr. President.” 
"You don't have to,” Harding an- 
swered. “I appointed them all to office 
. 


Pres at an official state dinner in 
Washington, the famous Chinese diplo- 


mat Dr. Wu T'ingfang was approached 
by an American woman who did not 
know who he was. 

“What "nese are you?” she inquired po- 
litely. “Japanese, Javanese or Chinese?" 

1 am Chinese,” Wu explained. “And 
what ‘kee are you? Donkey, monkey ог 
Yanke 


. 
Having just exited from a restaurant, 
Robert Benchley instructed a uniformed 
an at the curb to hail him a taxi. 
replied the man haughtily, “I 
ppen to be a rcar admiral in the 
United States Navy. 
AU right, then,” Benchley said. “Call 
me a battleship.” 


. 

During an operatic recital at the White 
House, while the nervous soprano was 
doing her best to please the First Family, 
one of the guests turned to President 
Coolidge and asked, “What do you think 
of the singer's execution?" 

“Tm all for it,” Coolidge replied. 

. 


Winston Churchill was leaving a party 
one night when he bumped into a lady. 
“Mr. Churchill," she observed, "you are 


ип,” replied the Prime Minister, 
“you are ugly. You are very ugly. In the 
morning, I shall be sober.” 
б 

Al Smith was delivering a campaign 
speech when a heckler in the audience 
yelled, “Tell them all you know, Al—it 
won't take long.” 

"TIL tell them.all we both know.” 
Smith, “and it won't take any longer. 

б 

James Thurber was once accosted by 
female admirer who could not stop prai: 
g him. At one point in the conversa- 
tion, she mentioned that she had recently 
read one of Thurber's books in French 
nd that the French version was superior 
to the English one. 

“| know," ‘Thurber quipped. “It loses 
something in the original.” 
. 


When asked to define the difference 
between a misfortune and a calamity, 
Benjamin Disraeli said, “If Gladstone 
were to fall in the Thames, it would be a 
misfortune; but if anyone dragged him 
out, that would be a йу.” 


. 
As the G. O Pes Presidential candidate, 
Theodore Roosevelt, addressing a rally, 
was interrupted by a drunk who stood up 
and yelled, “1 ат a Democrat.” 
Roosevelt calmly asked him w 
“Because my grandfather was а 
and my father was a Democra 


“IE your grandfather had been a jackass 
and your father had been a jackass, what, 
then, would you be?” 
“A Republican,” the man replied. 
б 
Shocked at the exorbitant prices at а 
certain New York restau 
Marx turned to George S. Ka 
while perusing the menu, said, “What the 
hell can you get here for fifty cents?” 


ersity of Illinois home- 
coming football game, Ring Lardner al- 
most jumped out of his seat when the 
school’s military honor guard fired a 
salute for Illinois governor Len Small, as 
he entered his box. 

"What the devil was that?” 
inquired. 

“For the governor," he was told. 
ens!" cried Lardner. “They 


Lardner 


. 
mammoth 


When 
chances are sparks 
case in the 
and artist James Whistler. After the two 


two egos meet, 


fly. Such was the 


had stared at each other for several m 
utes, Twain approached one of Whistler's 
canvases in progress and came very near 
to touching it with his gloved hand. 

“For the love of God, be careful, Clem- 
Whistler exclaimed. "You don't 
aint is fresh.” 
quipped Twain. “1 


"s all right 
have my gloves on.” 
. 

When asked by a certain skeptic wheth- 
cr she was actually the author of Uncle 
Tom's Gabin, Harriet Beecher Stowe 
replied, I held the pen; God dictated.” 

. 

On the sidewalk outside Chasen’s res- 
taurant, W. С. Fields was accosted by a 
fledgling actor who commenced to badg- 
er him for a handout. Fields listened pa- 
tiently for a moment, then spoke: "I'm 
sorry, my good man," he said, "but all 
my money is tied up in currency.” 

. 

A particularly long-winded speaker was 

delivering a rather boring speech on the 
(continued on page 108) 


it's not your 
run-of-the-mill 
earth-invasion 
movie 


SPERMULA 


ошомт You know that a French director would 

be the first to see the erotic potential of vam- 

pirism? Charles Matton's science-fiction sex fan- 

tasy Spermula has an odd angle: The female 
vampires do not live on blood alone but, rather, on semen 
taken from helpless male victims. The mysterious society lives 
in perfect harmony (we can see why) until it is caught up in 
а mania of shuttle diplomacy. An expedition of French- 
kissing Kissingers travels to Earth. The ladies hope to cure 
the disorder that reigns on the planet by draining world 
leaders of vile virility vie fellatio. The mission of mercy is 
headed by Spermula, a spectacular beauty who can carry 
оп successful negotiations above and below the table. Unlike 
most diplomats, she doesn't put her foot in her mouth. This 
film should be required viewing for the State Department. 


The femmes fatales 
from another planet 
(at left) thrive on 
fellatio. Right now, 
they could go for 

a nice cool one. 


The lady is а vamp. Dayle 
Haddon, at right and below, 
a former Disney star 

and a top fashion model, 
plays Spermula, the queen 
of the invading virgins. 


The erotic astronauts set up 
headquarters near a typical French 
cabaret (above right) inhabited 

by a kinky artist (Marie-France) 
who is built, er, peculiarly. The 
dwarf is undoubtedly 

a dwarf. Vive Toulouse-Lautrec! 


The vamps find that Earth is 

ruled by phallocrats (French far 
tricky dicks). The local leader 

is a bishop played, appropriately, 
by Christian Chevreuse (richt). 

He is attended here by his maid, 
who gives good confession. 


Billiards, anyone? In ап 
obvious cinematic tribute 
to The Hustler, director 
Matton has one of the 
phallocrats attempt a 
three-cushion shot (below). 


News of the invasion causes 
the local villagers to react 

in panic (bottom). Complete 
chaos reigns as all normal 
activities cease. Well, almost 
all-these are the French. 


Udo Kier (right), the stor 

of The Story of O, is shown 
here conducting on exam- 
inotion of one of the in- 
vaders. On a clear day, 
you can see forever. 


The cabaret also houses a 


sculptor who has an obvious 
way with women. Willing to 
do anything for art, Angela 
MacDonald (above) has posed 
in the nude ond now admires 
the likeness of herself. 


At first, the earthlings try 

to resist the vampires. The 
lod shown at right has 
apparently discovered that 
the best defense is о good 
offense. Do unto others 
before they can do unto you. 


The vamps drain victims of 
precious bodily fluids via 
oral sex (left), leaving 

the men helpless and for- 
ever slaves to the cause. 
All right, we surrender. 


The invaders lose their 
power when they lose their 
virginity (below). It's 

not quite the same as c 
wooden stake through the 
heart, but it will do. 


PLAYBOY 


GREAT COMEBACK LINES | (continued from page 102) 


floor of the House of Commons, when he 
noticed that Winston Churchill was doz- 
ing. "Must you fall asleep while I'm 
speaking?” the orator demanded. 

“No,” replied Churchill, keeping his 
eyes shut. “It’s purely voluntary." 

D 

Producer Sam Goldwyn’s occasional 
linguistic lapses were so famous they be- 
came known as Goldwynisms. Once, after 
James Thurber commented that Gold- 
wyns production of The Secret Life of 
Walter Mitty contained too much vio- 
lence, Goldwyn immediately wrote to 
Thurber, saying, “1 am sorry that you felt 
it was too blood and thirsty.” 

Thurber’s reply: “Not only did I think 
so but 1 was horror and struck.” 


. 
"105 a pretty poor work of art," Oscar 
Wilde once said of a pencil sketch Whis- 
tler had done of him. 
“Yes,” conceded Whistler, “and you're 
a pretty poor work of nature.” 


б 

During a campaign speech in Ohio, 
Presidential candidate William Howard 
Taft was rather raucously interrupted 
when a dissenting member of the audi- 
ence threw a cabbage at him. 

Said Taft as the cabbage flew by, “1 
see that one of my opponents has lost 
his head.” 

. 

Actress Joan Fontaine once visited а 
set on which Orson Welles was doing a 
role that called for him to be burned to 
death in bed. Flames rising around him, 
Welles called out, “I'll be glad when this 
is over. Now I know what Joan of Arc 
endured.” 

“Keep your spirits up," Fontaine ad- 
vised. “We'll let you know if we get 
the odor of burning ham.” 


б 

Ага dinner party, Calvin Coolidge was 
once approached by a rather stuffy so- 
cial matron. “President Coolidge,” she 
said, “my husband has bet me that 1 
won't be able to get three words out of 
you all evening." 

“You lose;" Coolidge replied. 

. 


Sarah Bernhardt and Oscar Wilde were 
known to have traded some rather sharp 
putdowns from time to time. During a 
rehearsal of Wilde's play Salome, they 
had a serious disagreement over a part 
the production. In an attempt to relax 
the heated mood, Wilde said, “Do you 
mind if I smoke, madam?” 

To which the Divine Sarah replied, 
"I don't care if you burn.” 

. 

“Гуе got an act to offer you which you 
will never have the chance on again,” 
a man once said to Oscar Hammerstein. 


108 "It will take Broadway by storm. All you 


have to do is put $25,000 in escrow for 
my wife . . and then I'll commit suicide 
on the stage of your theater.” 

Astounded, Hammerstein pondered the 
offer. "Hmmm," he finally said. "But 
what will you do for an encore?” 

. 

Guests at a Halloween party thrown by 
Herbert Bayard Swope were involved in a 
Party ganıe when Dorothy Parker arrived. 

“What are they doing?” Miss Parker 
inquired. 

“They're ducking for apples.” 

“There, but for a typographical error," 
she sighed, “is the story of my life.” 

. 


“If you were my husband,” Lady Astor 
to Winston Churchill, “I'd poison 
your coli. 

“If you were my wife,” Churchill re- 
plied, “Га drink it.” 


б 

At a Hollywood dinner party, George 
S. Kaufman was buttonholed by an 
author who commenced to heap insults 
upon the reputation of a certain actress. 
“And,” said the man, “she’s her own 
worst enemy." 

“Not while you're alive,” Kaufman 
replied. 

б 

During а scene in Lohengrin, Czech 
tenor Leo Slezak was supposed to ride 
across stage on one of the mechanical 
swans, but they were moving too fast and 
he had missed several, Embarrassed, he 
turned to а stagehand and quipped, 
“Can you tell me what time the next 
swan leaves?” 


е 

А great wine connoisseur once invited 
Johannes Brahms to a dinner party. 

“This is the Brahms of my cellar,” the 
host informed his guests, pouring some 
rare vintage into the composer's glass. 
Brahms examined the color of the wine, 
took in its bouquet, took a sip and, say- 
ing nothing to his anxious host, put his 
glass down. 

“Don't you like it, maestro?” the puz- 
дей connoisseur asked apprehensively. 

“Hmmm,” said Brahms. “Better bring 
up your Beethoven,” 


б 

Alexander Woollcott was а тап of 
great proportions, physically speaking. 
He once gave a bad review to a show by 
composer Arthur Schwartz апа lyricist 
Howard Dietz, Dietz responded to the 
pan by calling Woollcott "Louisa M. 
Woollcott.” 

The next time Woollcott ran into 
Dietz, he said, “Dietz, are you trying to 


To which Dieu, taking in the sight of 
Woollcott’s obesity, replied, "Not with- 
out an alpenstock.” 

. 


Dorothy Parker was told over drinks 
that Clare Boothe Luce had a habit of 
being kind to her inferiors. 

Replied Miss Parker, “Oh? And where 
does she find theme” 


Б 
Charles MacArthur, the journalist 
turned screenwriter, eventually married 
Helen Hayes. Their first few meetings 
were auspicious. "I'm rehearsing in Ber- 
nard Shaw's Caesar and Cleopatra,” 
Hayes said to the admiring MacArthur. 

“I wish I could play the asp," was 
MacArthur's reply. 

б 

А rather windy actor was holding forth 
at a party attended by none other than 
the acerbic Dorothy Parker. The actor 
had the habit of using various English 
pronunciations, For instance, he would 
continually refer to his "shedule;" 

Miss Parker sat quietly for a while, but 
finally she could endure it no more. “If 
you don’t mind my saying so,” she said, 
“I think you're full of skit.” 

б 


Noah Webster, the man who compiled 
the dictionary, was, predictably, a stick- 
ler for grammar. As the story goes, he 
was once caught kissing the cook in the 
pantry. His wife was aghast. 

"Why, Mr. Webster," she said, "I'm 
surprised.” 

"No, my dear,” Webster replied, “Рт 
surprised; you're amazed.” 

P 

A pianist by profession, a wit by avo- 
cation, Oscar Levant was once asked by 
Alexander Woollcott to play a short 
piece by Brahms on Woollcott’s radio 
show. When Levant arrived at the studio, 
he was asked if he might shorten the 
piece by 30 seconds. ‘The program was 
running a bit late that night, Woollcott 
explained, and. Levant agreed, only to 
be asked again to cut the piece by an- 
other 20 seconds. Levant obliged again 
and was subsequently asked whether he 
would mind making one more cut. “I 
won't mind,” Levant replied, “but you'll 
hear from Brahms in the morning.” 

° 

Calvin Coolidge had just arrived home 
from church when his wife, who had 
been too ill to attend, inquired about the 
subject of the sermon. 

“Sin,” said Silent Cal. 

“And what did he say about it?" Mrs. 
Coolidge asked. 

“Не was against it.” 

б 

During a session of the House of Com- 
mons, Lady Astor was in the middle of a 
rather lengthy debate on farming when 
Winston Churchill interrupted: “I ven- 
ture to say that my Right Honorable 
friend knows nothing about farming. I'll 

(concluded on page 202) 


> 


a 


PLAYBOY 


108 


GREAT COMEBACK L 


floor of the House of Commons, * 
noticed that Winston Churchill 
ing. "Must you fall asleep wl 
speaking?” the orator demanded. 
"No," replied Churchill, kee] 
eyes shut. Its purely voluntary.” 
B 


Producer Sam Goldwyn's oc 
linguistic lapses were so famous 
came known as Goldwynisms. On 
James Thurber commented tha 
wyn's production of The Secret, 
Walter Mitty contained too mi 
lence, Goldwyn immediately w 
‘Thurber, saying, “1 am sorry that 
it was too blood and thirsty.” 

Thurber's reply: “Not only did 
so but I was horror and struck.” 

б 

“It’s a pretty poor work of art; 
Wilde once said of a pencil sketc 
tler had done of him, 

"Yes," conceded Whistler, 
a pretty poor work of nature. 

. 

During a campaign speech ii 
Presidential candidate William 
Tafı was rather raucously inte 
when a dissenting member of tl 
ence threw a cabbage at him. 

Said Taft as the cabbage fley 
see that one of my opponents | 
his head.” 


б 

Actress Joan Fontaine once Y 
set on which Orson Welles was 
role that called for him to be bu 
death in bed. Flames rising arou 
Welles called out, “I'll be glad w| 
is over. Now I know what Joan 
endured.” 

"Keep your spirits up," Fonte 
vised. “We'll let you know if 
the odor of burning ham.” 


. 

Ata dinner party, Calvin Cooli 
once approached by a rather st 
cial matron. “President Coolidg 
said, “my husband has bet me 
won't be able to get three wordi 
you all evening.” 

“You lose,” Coolidge replied. 


P 

Sarah Bernhardt and Oscar Wil 
known to have traded some rathe 
putdowns from time to time. D 
rehearsal of Wilde's play Salomi 
had a serious disagreement over 
in the production. In an attempt | 
ей mood, Wilde said,“ 
1 smoke, madam?” 

To which the Divine Sarah 
“I don't care if you burn.” 

E 

“Туе got an act to offer you wh 
will never have the chance on 
а man once said to Oscar Hamm 
“It will take Broadway by storm. 


YOU ARE WHAT 
ES p* 


article By DAN 


playboy's gritty pilgrim on the road of life stopsat 
another way station and finds— himself (er, maybe) 


WHAT YOU WILL GET OUT OF THIS ARTICLE 


This article will tell you what it’s like to take the est training 
and to hang out with Werner Erhard, the founder of est. Read- 
ing about my experience is as good as having done it yourself, 
plus which you will have saved yourself a lot of pain, boredom 
and $250. 

Now, if you buy that last statement, then perhaps you will also 
buy it if I told you that last night I met Catherine Deneuve at a 
party, she invited me back to her suite at the Sherry Netherland, 
where she proceeded to take off all my clothes and cover me from 
head to toe with Reddi-Wip, and then slowly licked off every bit 
of it, and that my description of this experience would be as 
satisfying to you as if you had had it yourself. 


HOW 1 СОТ INVOLVED WITH EST 


How 1 got involved with est is that one night nearly two years 
ago—February 21, 1975, to be precise—I allowed myself to be 
dragged to hear some guy named Werner Erhard speak at the 
Commodore Hotel in New York. I had no idea who Werner 
Erhard was or what est was, but I agreed because I figured it 
would be only an hour or so and then we'd go out to dinner, and 
that would be fun. I figured Werner Erhard was some old 
German geezer. 

My friend Dory and I arrived at (continued on page 210) 


THAT WAS ТНЕ YEAR THAT WAS 


humor By JUDITH WAX 


The Dems picked Carter as their man x i He aims each day to build his herd 

To follow Ford and Nixon. А D Г And never does that goal waver 

(And orthodontists everywhere "ы, , (Since Reverend Moon proclaimed the word 
Lined up to get the fix їп.) L That he's the one true Seoul saver). 


Ingmar Bergman left his land; The rites of British royalty 

How much can any man take? " Are much too staid for flipness. 
They tried to make his wallet look Yet Princess Margaret left her lord 
Just like a Swedish pancake, y ‘l And then became Her Hipness. 


The 6.0.P. yelled out its choice; 
It shouted, “Ford and Dole!” 
The Dems had roared with just one voice: 
“Roll, Barbara sordan, roll!” 


Savalas, said the British press, 

Was zonked from nightly rounds 
Of swinging. So he went to court 
And gained a lot of pounds. 


Capote squealed on scores of pals. A Mideast ambassador, dashing and tan, 
Who, helpless to refute him, Gave Elizabeth Taylor a whirl. 

Considered now that “Answered Prayers” Though a glamorous man, he comes from Iran 
Means take Trum out and shoot him. 


And Liz is a nice Jewish girl. 
The pay phone in Paul Getty's house 
Was there at his insistence. 

(He left 12 ladies nicely fixed 

To call him, now, long distance.) 


Food critic Gael Greene took up a new pen 
And when her first novel was finished, 

The tale was so sexy, her fans were assured 
Her appetite hadn't diminished. 


Political analysts grilled him each day. “All the President's Men” was the flick of the 

How much could poor Reagan endure A Woodward and Bemstein big smash. 

Of really tough questions, like “Where is the gray?” If they don't look like Hofiman and Redford, no fear, 
(Only Ron's wife knew for sure.) The beautiful part was the cash. 


Ms. Exner has taken up writing. The search for Scotland's monster 
Is Judith a belle-lettred wonder? Went raging on full tilt. 
Take a critical look, since you can't tell a book (The biggest question scholars face: 
By the covers its author was under. Does Nessie wear a kilt?) 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY BILL UTTERBACK 


Mills's maid has made a million; 
Onscreen, Foxe bared her soul. 
Though Fanne stars as Fanne, 
Its an Esther Williams role. 


McCartney did a U. S. tour. 
It proved the way time flies 
When kiddies asked their elders, 
“Daddy, what three other guys?” 


tongue-in-cheek remembrances of sundry newsmakers who —in word or deed — made the headlines in’76 


Japan's Tanaka gol a jolt; 

The pen might be a pad for him 

If proved in court he didn't thwart 
The yen that Lockheed had for him. 


Ms. Javits claimed her right to work, 
Аз basic women's tenet. Her 

Jack said, “No, Iran must go; 

Iran as New York Senator.” 


Ms. Comaneci, the teenage peach, 
When in Olympic orbit, 
Displayed such flare it gave gray hair 
To old dames like Ms. Korbut. 


The raid at Entebbe qot hostages loose 
As rigged by that derring-do band. A 
Message, said Israel—sauce for the goose 
Is kosher-style sauce for Uganda. 


When Lasser was arrested 

For a small illegal stash, her 

Fans were just as shocked as 

If they'd seen the Fernwood Flasher. 


Her job as chief of protocol 

For Mrs. Black is simple. 

"Cause when in doubt, she'll just trot out 
That Shirley Temple dimple. 


Veeck put the White Sox into shorts, 
For years they'd been deplorable. 

It didn't help the team, 

But, Bill, their legs were just adorable. 


Bernie Comfeld’s wedding garb 

Had the gossips humming; 

The groom wore white, which gave a hint 
Of diapers, soon forthcoming. 


‘All Congress was vexed (what would she say next?) Ms. Walters’ TY million 
At the tale of Elizabeth Ray's. Is the biggest news pay drawn, 
The book sales were hot, cause she'd spiced up the plot And Barbara gets a bonus; 


With scenes from her role-in-the-Hays. Now she gets to sleep past dawn. 


The Chairman, Sinatra, chalked up a big year Though Clarence Kelley got some gifts, 
Of landmarks on life's rugged course; Prez Ford saw little reason 

He married his giri—and columnist Earl To slap his wrists. Perhaps it was. 
“Boswell” Wilson he sued for divorce. Just Christmas out of season? 


PLAYBOY 


PATTY HEARST TRIA 


Here was the kind of viewpoint that 
sends you scurrying back and forth along 
that certain tightrope between sponta- 
neity and feminist consciousness, trying 
to keep your kite up in the air, its tail 
flying the ultimate political question in 
the wind: Is seduction the lowest form 


Patty also said that her intercourse 
1 Cinque was “without affection 

The S. L.A. women had insisted they 
were not “mindless cunts enslaved by big 
black penises. 

“You need seven inches,” a reporter 
explaining, “for a byline in News- 
week.” 

"PATTY FRIGID AFTER DEFREEZE,” stated 
a headline that was set in type but not 
used in The Daily Californian, campus 
newspaper at her alma mater. 

“HEARST BLOWS WEED,” stated a later 
headline that was used in The Daily 
Californian. 

Is the Government saying," objected 
Bailey, "that everyone who smokes grass is 
a bank robbei 

Oh, that's right, this is a bank-robbery 
trial, isn't it? "Were you acting the part 
of a bank robber?” asked Browning. 

"I was doing exactly what I had to do. 
I just wanted to get out of that bank. I 
was just supposed to be in there to get my 
picture taken mostly.” 

Ulysses Hall testified that after the 
robbery, he managed to speak on the 
phone with his former prisonmate, 
Cinque, who told him that the S.LA. 
members didn't trust Patty's decision to 
join them. Ironically, she didn't trust their 
offer of a “choice,” since they all realized 
she'd be able to identify them if she went 
free—and so they made her prove herself 
by “fronting her off” at the bank with 
Cinque's gun pointed at her head. Out of 
the closet, into the bank! Patty testified 
that Patricia Soltysik kicked her because 
she wasn’t enthusiastic enough at a dress 
rehearsal, and Cinque warned her that if 
she messed up in any way, shed be 
killed. Before the trial, prosecutor Brown- 
ing had admitted that 
the photographs she may have been act- 
ing under duress.” And during the trial, 
Bailey, with only 15 minutes to go before 
the weekend recess, brought out the Gov- 
ernment's suppression of photos showing 
Camilla Hall also pointing her gun at 
Patty in the bank, Moreover, in a scene 
right out of Blow-Up or an aspirin com- 
mercial, a "scientific laboratory" had 
used a digital computer “to filter out the 
grain without changing the content,” 
then scanned the photos with a laser 
beam, all to indicate that Patty had 
opened her mouth in surprise and re- 
coiled in horror at the firing of shots in 
the bank and that it was merely a shadow 


114 that made her look as if she were smiling 


(continued from page 100) 


during the robbery, although Ginque had 
given her strict orders to smile whenever 
she met anyone who was supposed to 
know it was T „ because the original 
image of Р: г опе that was dissemi 
nated around the world, had ber smiling 
broadly, remember? 

No wonder KQED artist Rosalie Ritz 
was approached by a promoter willing to 
pay her to design a Patty doll with а 
complete change of clothes so it could 
bc turned into a Tani 

It did not come out in any testimony 
that Dr. Louis "Jolly" West once killed 
an elephant with an overdose of LSD— 
U.P.L's Don Thackrey calls it a case of 
pachydermicide—nor that he once spent 
eight straight hours in Dr. John Lilly's 
sensorydeprivation tank, According to 
Kayo Hallinan, Patty "hated" West t 
cause she was already aware of the fascisti 
implications of his proposed UCLA Cen- 
ter for the Study and. Reduction of. Vio- 
lence, which would practice what it 
preaches against—violence—in the form 
of electrode implantation and aversion 
therapy. Obviously, then, some kind of 
coercive persuasion must have been used 
to get her to talk to him. Perhaps she had 
been reduced to a state of infantile help- 
lessness—once again. A letter from a pris- 
oner in the San Mateo County Jail: 


І was coming out of the doctor's 

office when I saw Tania being taken 
out the front door. The guards had 
cleared the hallways of all. prisoners 
and it was by mistake that I was let 
out at that time by the jail nurse. 
Tania was taken out by one female 
nd three males. 
When 1 called to her, I was 
dragged out of the hallway. Our 
comrade was exhausted and fright 
ened, lethargic in her movements 
nd appeared drugged. While I was 
in the doctor's office, I had noticed 
a three-by-five manila envelope—the 
type used to hold medications given 
to prisoners—which had written on 
it, nEAnsr. There is little doubt she 
is being drugged. . .. 


АР. reported that “a source close to 
the specialists conducting the examina- 
tion . . . said that the dosages of anti- 
psychotic drugs listed on Miss Hearst's 
medical report would themselves cause 
lethargy and disorientation.” Would she 
eventually emerge from this psychiatric 
kidnaping only to proclaim, as she had 
previously done on an S.L.A. tape, "I 
have not been brainwashed, drugged, tor- 
tured or hypnotized in any way"? 

There was also a question in the minds 
of reporters and attorneys alike: Why 
did Bailey put Patty on the witness 


stand? He asked her what Cinque had 
done on one occasion to show his di: 
. "He pinched me.” Where? "My 
nd down Your 
private paris as well? “Yes.” Even таре 
ve its foreplay. The jury mulled 


ed birthdays of George Washing. 
ton and Abraham Lincoln, then returned 
for Browning's cross-examination. Did 
he pinch one or both of your breasts? “1 
really don't remember." Was it under 
your clothing? “Yes.” In both places? 
"Pardon me, I don't think that the other 
was under my clothing.” All right, your 
breasts he pinched by touching your skin. 
The pubic area he did not touch your 
shin, Is that truc? “That's right.” Good 
God, this is supposed to be the Trial of 
the Century and the Government wants 
to know if Cinque got bare tit. 
. 

Early in the trial, I had a lunch ap- 
Д with Willie Hearst, assistant to 
the editor at the Examiner and grand- 
son of Citizen Kane's prototype. Al- 
though he claims that his status as Patty's 
favorite cousin is a media creation, he 
was the very first one she requested to 
see after her arrest. The receptionist at 
the Examiner did a slight double take 
when I gave her my name, possibly be- 
cause she had just read in Herb Caen's 
Chronicle column that I had been caught 
shoplifting at a Safeway supermarket. 
Anyway, Willie came out. Its a bad 
day" he said. "San Simeon has been 
bombed.” So we postponed the lunch. 
Later, I received a communiqué from 
Jacques Rogiers—an aboveground courier 
for the underground New World Libera- 
tion Front—in which credit for another 
bombing, of the Hearst retreat in Wyn- 
toon, was taken by the Lucio Саһайаз 
Unit of the N. W. L. F., h a repetiti 
of the demand that Randolph Hearst 
give $250,000 to the William and Emily 
Harris Defense Fund. One underground 
source insisted that the Cabanas Unit 
was infiltrated by a Government pro- 
vocateur for the purpose of spreading 
fear and justifying a police state, but 
that accusation may have amounted to 
speculation, 

In court, Bailey fought unsuccessfully 
to have Patty testify about the bombing 
of the Hearst castle, so that the jury 
would know she was still, indirectly, 
afraid of the Harriscs. But, once more, 
Browning let Patty trick him during cross- 
examination. He was asking why she 
hadn't taken advantage of opportunities 
to phone for help. "It wasn't possible for 
me to call, because I couldn't do it, and 
I was alr; of the FBI.” Now, Brown- 
ing is certainly not going to disigree 
with Bailey's contention that Patty suf- 
fered from “a misperception about the 
(continued on page 230) 


THE 
ROLLS-ROYCE 
IOVE 

AFFAIR 


"I'm just a cowgirl. I like the 
outfit. It feels great to wake up 

in the moming, pull on some jeans, 
tuck in a Pendleton shirt, tug on 
some boots. It's very physical.” 


Tale 
БШ МЕИ ШЕ 
KID 


meet susan lynn kiger, 
a lady who lives for today, 
and so far her todays have 
been just fine, thank you 


Boys released a song praising the particular heart-stopping qualities of the girls of the Golden State. Subse- 

quently, Brian Wilson went into seclusion and refused to come out of his bedroom for several years. Perhaps 
he had one or two of the creatures stashed away. How else can we explain the sacrifice involved in not looking upon 
the likes of Susan Lynn Kiger, the lady who graces our gatefold this month? Miss January is a genuine California 
girl, a top-of-the-line model who (except for one brief trip to Hawaii) has never left the state. She is, like others of 
her kind, spontaneous, agile, sun-tanned, lithe, athletic, willing and able to take on all comers. She can drink the best 
of us under the table, having learned that trick at rugby games, where she was keeper of the chest. Exhausted teams 
would come off the field and ask, “Hey, wasn’t there a six-pack in there a minute ago?” Smile. She will do almost 
anything on a dare. When a friend asked her if she would pose for a Kansas City Meat Company poster explaining 
the choice cuts of a well-turned back (“You can’t beat Western meat”), Kiger donned a stetson and obliged. Nowadays, 
she lives in an apartment with her sister and dreams of the day when she will have a yard big enough for a large dog 
and a horse. (She grew up riding bareback through the surf at Laguna Beach.) Also big enough for a one-on-one 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY POMPEO POSAR AND KEN MARCUS 
GATEFOLD PHOTOGRAPHY BY KEN MARCUS. 


О For another lesson in American history. Topic: the California girl. More than а decade ago, The Beach 


117 


“Last winter, I took my savings 

and moved into a cabin at Mammot 
Mountain. Skiing is like everything 
else—the only way to learn is 
to do it nonstop every day. By the 
end of the season, I wasn't half bad.” 


“Apresski? Are you kidding? At 

the end of a day, the only thing I 

can think about is going home, 

taking off my clothes and jumping 

into a heated water bed with 

118 ту boyfriend. I want to get warm.” 


сан, 


“A girl inevitably picks up a lot 
of her hobbies from the men 

she dates. I've been turned on to 
barefoot water-skiing, rugby, 
dancing and skinny-dipping in 
apartment swimming pools, not to 
mention a few things about sex.” 


n5 


SMELL 


y 


relationship. Kiger needs space. Mind you, Susan gets along well enough with people, she just likes her privac 
worked for a year as itress at a place called Charlie Brown's, then used her money to spend a winter in 
the mountains. Getting away from the crowds seems to be her main occupation these days. (“I plan to take the money 
I earn as a Playmate and invest it in land—my own piece of the earth.”) Being a California girl has its drawbacks. 


Susan has a collection of stories about run-ins with other kinds of Californians—such as the Hollywood weirdo: “If 
a man is old, rich and unattached, he’s a pervert. Take my word for it.” Miss January describes herself as old- 
fashioned: She wants to marry and have kids. Well, someone has to supply the demand for California girls, right? 


“I like to sing. On a trip to Palm 
Springs, I'll throw ona tape of 
Johnny Rodriguez and let loose. 
Unfortunately, not all of my friends 
carc for my singing. I sound an 
awful lot like Lucy Ricardo." 


"The music I listen to depends a lot 
on what mood I'm in. Elton John is 
perfect for the nights when I feel 
crazy and deranged; Linda Ronstadt 
is more suited to the evenings 

when I sit quietly by myself.” 


"I'm fairly uninhibited. Гое made 
love in deserts and outdoor Jacuzzis, 
like any California girl. But I 

prefer the peace and quiet of a bed- 
room. It’s more intimate and exciting.” 


PLAYBOY’S PARTY JOKES 


They had been thrown together in the lounge 
at the ski lodge, where the poor snow con- 
ditions were an inevitable topic of conversation. 
“The forecast mentions the possibility of three 
to five inches tomorrow,” sighed the girl, “but 
they say they can't promise i 

“On the other hand," said the fellow softly, 
“J could guarantee you seven tonight.” 


We understand that the pretty lab technicians 
in busy sperm banks are sometimes asked to 
lend a hand. 


Ап odd English sculptor named Keith, 
Caught humping a lamb on the heath, 
Blurted out, “I've a part 
In the service of art— 
I'm at work on a baa-baa relief?” 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines stacked 
virgin as a cherry tomato. 


When а man complained to a marriage coun- 
selor that his recent bride was wearing him 
down with insatiable sexual demands, the ad- 
visor said, “It would be drastic, but why not 
stop bathing so she finds it unpleasant to be 
too near you?” 

The next day, the fellow was back in the 
counselor's office. “I thought that nonbathin, 
routine would take too long,” he explain 
with a shrug, “so, instead, I smeared some 
Limburger cheese on my cock last night . . . 
and damned if my wife didn't chase me into 
the bedroom a few minutes later with two 
slices of pumpernickel and a bottle of beer!” 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines voyeur as a 
window fan. 


Because the door was open a teeny bit, I saw 
Mommy and Daddy in bed together this morn- 
ing in their bare skin,” confided the small girl 
to a small boy playmate. 

“Gee!” exclaimed the playmate. “Tell me, 
Sally,” he asked, his eyes widening, “were 
they . . . you know... were they doing it" 

"Nas? yawned Sally, "they were just balling: 


A tourist who had Iost his way on rural back 
roads stopped long after dark at ап isolated 
farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for 
the night. "Well, we're a mite crowded, since 
there's already somebody in the spare room," 
replied the farmer. “But I guess you can stay 
if you don't id sharing the bed with a red- 
haired schoolteacher.” 

“Look,” said the tourist, “I want you to 
know that I'm a gentleman.” 

“Well,” mused the farmer, "as 
so is the red-haired schoolteacher.” 


as] know, 


Some time after their bitterly contested divorce, 
a man happened to pull up alongside his ex- 
wife at a stop light. The woman recognized him 
with a sneer and then snapped, “Out looking 
for a little, eh?” 

“No,” answered her ex-husband. “You taught 
me what a little is—so now I'm out looking 
for a lot!" 


A kinky young soldier named Blunt 
Preferred his wife's bung to her cunt 
Till the night that she shrieked, 

“I resent being Greeked!” 
And he had to return to the front. 


Mr. Rabinowitz, a Los Angeles widower in 
his 80s, refused to be placed in a rest home 
unless it served kosher meals. His son found 
опе that catered to the orthodox elderly and 
established his father there. A few days later, 
the son paid the old man a surprise midday 
visit and found him fondling a giggling young 
nurse's aide who was as naked as a jay bird. 
“Poppa!” cried the shocked visitor. "How 
could you? Who is this girl?” 

“This, Max,” replied the elder Rabinowitz 
with great dignity, "is Maria Concepcién—but 
I'm not eating.” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on а post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


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we all know the cia has secret 
weapons. now meet the man who 
spent 20 years designing them 


article 


By LAURENCE GONZALES 


The subject of this interview is an ex- 
plosives expert who worked for 20 years 
designing assassination devices for the 
CIA while holding various cover jobs in 
military research and development. While 
still in high school, he was regularly ap- 
proached by CIA contacts with requests 
for poisons, explosives, guns, silencers 
and specially designed gadgets for killing 
or incapacitating people. He worked his 
way through a number of employers dur- 
ing this period and finally ended up di- 
rector of research at a large, well-known 
firearms manufacturer, where he contin- 
ued to do work for the CIA as well as 
implement projects for the gun com- 
pany, which, in turn, sold its work to the 
military. 

His career began in the early Fifties. In 
the late Sixties, he had two heart attacks 
in as many years. His absence from work 
due to illness finally forced him to quit 
and in 1970 he had his last official contact 
with the CIA. At this meeting, he said he 
did not want to do any more work for the 
agency. For a number of months, they 
followed him, thinking that he was run- 
ning guns to radicals or showing them 
how to build terrorist weapons. They fi- 
nally left him alone, as far as he was 
able to tell. 

To establish his credibility, I verified 
that he did hold the jobs he claims to 
have held. In addition to this, I saw ex- 
tensive documentation of the type of 
work he was doing. He also showed me 
several devices that he had built for the 
CIA, including a modified butane ciga- 
rette lighter that fired a tiny poisoned 
dart capable of penetrating a heavy coat. 
He brought out an explosive 22-caliber 
bullet, which I tested in the presence of a 
firearms expert. It did explode. His ac- 
livities were also verified by others in the 
intelligence community who are involved 
in similar fields. And, finally, he was 
given a series of lie-detector tests, which 
indicated that he was telling the truth. 

The subject wanted to remain anony- 
mous to protect his family. Chemical and 
material names have been deleted in 
some cases to avoid providing a “cook- 
book” of weapons and tactics. 


Q: During the Senate select committee's 
investigation of intelligence activities of 
the CIA, chairman Frank Church was 
shown a “poison dart gun” by William 
Colby, former CIA director. During the 


131 


PLAYBOY 


week of September 15, 1975, this was 
shown on television and on the front 
pages of newspapers around the country. 
Do you know anything about that gun? 

A: I must have seen half a dozen differ- 
ent dart guns at one time or another, be- 
cause I was testing either ballistics or 
methods of applying poisons. The one in 
the Church committee was said to be 
electric. I doubt that very much. The 
electric guns I saw used magnetic bullets, 
but they had to be much larger. 

о: Do you think the CIA was lying? 

A: It wouldn’t be the first time. 

Q: But you did say you worked with poi- 
sons. What type of work was that? 

A: Basically, I was asked by the CIA 
to devise methods and devices for assassi- 
nation. Almost everything I worked with 
was designed to kill people. The three 
major assassination tech. 
with were shooting, poisoning and explo- 
devices, There was a lot of emphasis 
those days—say, from 1952 to the late 
Sixties—on low-profile devices. The agen- 
cy wanted things that would be lethal but 
that would not leave “U. S. Technology” 
signatures. 

Q: Can you give us an example of a 
weapon that used poison? 

А: Yes. In the mid-Fifties, my CIA con- 
tact came to me with a problem he 
wanted solved. "These things were always 
put hypothetically. For example, suppose 
you wanted to kill someone on an air- 
plane without attracting a lot of atten- 
tion. Well, the simplest answer is a 
contact poison. I was given a substance 
called [deleted], a liquid that penetrates 
the skin and carries with it anything you. 
mix in. Put a drop on someone's clothes, 
in his shoe. That would be the most basic 
tool for this type of thing. 

ө: Did you deliver that to your CIA 
contact? 

A: No, I went a step further. I started 
fooling around with snake venoms, mix- 
ing them with [deleted]. I used lyophi- 
lized [freeze-dried] tiger-snake venom at 
first. There's another snake called the 
boomslang that I finally settled on, be- 
cause the symptoms are very subtle. It 
causes internal bleeding and can take 
days to finally kill you. It would be hard 
to tell what had happened to you. And 
I took a ballpoint pen, substituted a wick 
for the refill, soaked it with the liquid 
and mixed in some ink. I actually invent- 
ed the felttip pen, but it never occurred 
to me to patent it. Anyway, you could 
just touch someone with this and that 
was it. 

Q: Did you have to get approval to build 
the gadget? 

А: As I remember it, I went back to my 
contact with the idea after I thought 
about the problem for a while. He said, 
"Will it work?” I said, “Well, I don’t 


132 have any volunteers to test it on; are you 


interested?” Incidentally, like all the oth- 
er types that I ever met, he had no sense 
of humor. I mean zero, zilch. He just gave 
me a very calm “No. We'll take care of 
the testing. You make one.” My contact 
was kind of strange, anyway. He looked 
like the Penguin from the Batman comics 
and spoke out of the side of his mouth, as 
if he had been hurt. At any rate, the 
snake pens apparently worked, because 
later he seemed very pleased. I remember 
making some comment like “I trust you 
tested them in house.” No reaction. 

ө: Where did you get boomslang venom? 
А: It used to be easy to get exotic animals 
from pet stores, back in the early Fifties. 
Now its a bit harder if they're danger- 
ous. Incidentally, never try to milk a 
boomslang. А bad snake. They're damn 
dangerous, hard to get, not yery coopera- 
tive, and because their fangs are in the 
rear of their mouth, it is hell on wheels 
extracting venom. Anyway, I milked 
them, put the poison into the solution 
with [deleted], soaked the wicks for the 
pens, sealed them up and delivered them. 
ч: You say those jobs were given to you 
hypothetically. Did your contact ever get 
specific? 

a: One of the only times he had to get 
specific rather than just give me a “What 
if” was when he wanted to extract a black 
guy who drove a Jaguar. 

Q: Extract? 

A: Yes, that was their euphemism. Lovely 
term, isn't it? Anyway, this black man һай 
to die at a certain point in the ride һе 
was to take, say eight minutes after he 
started—for what reason I don't know, 
perhaps to keep him from crashing into 
something. I had to know a lot—body 
weight, was he right-handed, that sort of 
thing. They eventually brought me the 
steering wheel from a Jaguar and a 
photograph of the man driving, which 
was just his hands on the wheel. "That's 
how I knew he was black. I don't know 
why, but that seemed strange to me. This 
was somewhere between 1954 and 1959. 
The poison could have been for use any- 
where, Jamaica, Ghana. Anyway, I mixed 
up a batch of [deleted] and good old so- 
dium cyanide, which I told them to paint 
onto his steering wheel where he'd nor- 
mally put his hands. I adjusted the dosage 
so that knockdown time would be the 
eight minutes or whatever the figure was. 
Apparently, they were pleased with that. 
Q: How could you tell they were pleased? 
А: Well, а guy I knew pretty well invited 
me to my first outside job then and I got 
the impression that it was being offered 
as a bonus for work well done. 

Q: What do you mean by outside? 

А: Out of the country. 

ө: What sort of job was it? 

A: I was picked up in a car. My fri 
was there. We were driven to an air- 
plane. Then we flew all night, it seemed 
like. We landed somewhere. Another car 


picked us up. We were driven out into 
the countryside. Some guy had an anti- 
tank weapon and said, “Do you know 
how to use this thing?" I said, "Yes" He 
said, “Well, use it" I asked what he 
wanted it used on and he pointed to a 
convoy of military trucks over the rise on 
a little road. So I blew away a couple of 
the trucks. 
Q: Do you know what that was all about? 
А: No. It was in Caracas. As soon as I 
had blown away the trucks, my friend 
sent me back to the car and he went over 
to “finish them off,” as he put it. 
о: Meaning what? 
^: He just took his pistol and put a bul- 
let through each guy's head to make sure 
he was dead. Anyway, it was my impres- 
sion that that was my reward for doing a 
good job with the poison systems. It 
wasn't my idea of a reward. Later, I 
asked the guy who had invited me what 
it was all about. He just looked at me 
with a stunned expression and said, “But 
didn’t you enjoy it?” 
Q: So far, we're talking about chemical 
systems. Did you also design gadgets like 
that dart gun? 
A: Not quite like that, but quite a num- 
ber of other things. After the automobile 
episode, my contact came to me with 
another hypothetical problem: Suppose 
you're in a situation in which it is im- 
possible to bring into a room any firearms 
or unconyentional things that would be 
suspect. How would you take care of a 
roomful of guys? Well, next question is: 
How taken care of? I mean, do you want 
them extracted, do you want them blind- 
ed temporarily? Biological assault?—al- 
ways loved that term. It sounds obscene. 
this particular instance, my con- 
е want them extracted for 
sure. A fair number of them, in a mod- 
erate-sized room.” And I wound up with 
one of the nastiest nasties that I came up 
with. That, incidentally, was the jargon 
for those gadgets: Assorted Nasties. This 
one wes a subminiature bomb, roughly 
the size of a .45-caliber cartridge. You 
threw it and it exploded. It was loaded 
with hardened steel shot, like bird shot, 
which was coated with poison. Eventual- 
ly, I replaced that with small pellets of 
ee: If you get hit with an incan- 
lescent fragment of it, you go into ana- 
phylactic shock almost instantly. It kills 
you faster than you can believe. I've seen 
films of tests on monkeys. The knockdown 
is truly remarkable. Load it into a shell, 
fire it at someone and his whole central 
nervous system goes berserk, 
ө: Wasn't that a bit dangerous for the 
person throwing it? 
A: It certainly was. It would kill him 
outright. 
Q: Didn't the agency object to that draw- 
back? 
^: No. And I found that interesting. They 
(continued on page 138) 


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Underneath it, there's a sweater on 
sweater worn with gray pleated slacks. 


137 


PLAYBOY 


MR. DEATH we re v 


did ask that I make two versions, the 
second being one that would give the guy 
a chance to survive. It had what amount- 
са to a fuse you could light with a ciga- 
rette or something. Another version lit 
like a road flare. You could remove a 
piece of tape that covered a material 
similar to what's on the tip of wooden 
kitchen matches. Strike it and throw it. 
In a third version, I mixed red phospho- 
rus with реза When you wet this 
down with chloroform, it will not ex- 
plode. But if you let it dry, it becomes 
highly explosive. You could just plop it 
to the middle of a room and it would 
explode. You could put it on the top of a 
door, put it under toilet seat or any 
place where it would get bashed. Once it 
was armed, it was not easy to disarm, 
either. 

0: How many of those did you make? 

a: Maybe 15 or 20. I also loaded a 
lot of small-arms ammunition with incen- 
diary bullets made of {deleted]—22s, 
nine-millimeter, shot shells. Those were 
for rapid kill. And there were strange re- 
quests. I made some ammunition that 
was loaded with an explosive called tetryl, 
so that when you fired it, it blew you and 
the gun all over the ceiling. The Walther 
PPKS .22 was a fairly standard firearm 
with the CIA people I knew. I was issued 
one that had a barrel threaded to accept 
a silencer. And I was once asked to mod- 
ify one so that the slide would blow back 
and take the guys head off. I assume that 
was for one of our own people. 

Q: Do you mean to say that they were 
assassinating their own people? 

A: I have no idea what they did with that 
device—or any of the devices, for that 
matter. I was only building them. But 
others within the agency had given me 
the distinct impression that they would 
kill their own people if it suited them to 
do so. And, at that time, it seemed odd 
that they wanted that particular gun 
modified in that particular way. It's cer- 
tainly not standard equipment for any 
army or government I can think of. 

Q: When you say you were issued that 
"weapon, in what sense do you mean that? 
A: Well, again, it was given as a kind of 
reward. I did some job that pleased them. 
Then a friend of mine—the same one 
who took me to Caracas—took me to 
lunch one day. He indicated they were 
pleased. Then he gave me a package. At 
the time, I was working at the [deleted] 
Institute, So I took the package back and 
fluoroscoped it to see what was inside- 
Q: Why didn't you just open it? 

A: Well, I thought if they were so 
pleased, they might want to send me to 
heaven. Seriously, it was just a standard 
precaution. And, lo, there was a brand- 
new Walther with a nice new silencer 


138 custom. fittecl to it. 


ө: So far, is the work you've described 
representative of what you were do 
throughout the mid- and late Fifties? 
A: Yes, but, of course, I had a regular job 
as well. I was doing research for the [de- 
leted] Institute, which was involved in 
everything imaginable. One of my first 
projects for them was to design and test 
miniature detonators. I knew they had a 
vault where they locked secret reports, 
and I used to go in and read reports on 
everything imaginable, just because I was 
fascinated. Nuclear stuff, cannon tech- 
nology. They were very heavily into the 
study of flame fuels. Thixotropes, for in- 
stance. A thixotrope is a gel that turns 
into a liquid when you move it; for ех- 
ample, if you pump it. There were re- 
ports discussing the reality of building a 
death ray with laser beams—that was in 
the Fifties. Of course, they have now 
actually developed it and it's something 
the Defense Department won't even 
mention. It is a breakthrough in tech- 
nology equal to the atomic bomb. When 
1 worked there, the laboratories were 
in the basement and included a fully 
equipped range for firing anything up 
to and including 20mm cannon shells, I 
felt like a mole. Especially in the winter, 
Га go down in the early morning and it 
was dark and I'd come up at night and 
it was dark again. I never saw daylight. 

ө: Was this institute a secret operation? 

А: No, not the institute itself. Most of 
the work I did was classified, but parts 
of the place were open to the public. 
"There were public exhibits upstairs from 
us. And the шге did a lot of unclassi- 
fied work, stuff that had nothing to do 
with the military, like testing the strength 
of a certain kind of toilet tissue or some- 
thing equally strange. But the fact that 
people were allowed into the place and 
that we were obviously working for the 
military had some funny results, because 
we got a reputation for being able to 
handle strange objects. И somebody 
found an old pincapple grenade in his 
he'd bring it down to the institute 
and ask us if it was safe or to dispose of it. 
ө: Did you personally have to deal with 
people's leftover war souvenirs? 

А: Yes, for a while, anyway, until one day, 
when my boss called me up and said that 
some little old lady had brought in this 
thing her son got in the war. He didn't 
recognize it and neither did I. It was 
about the size of a frozen-juice can, plain 
metal, and had a T-shaped handle. No 
markings. So I took it down to our range, 
taped a blasting cap to it and as I was 
wrapping the wires, I accidentally hit the 
handle and heard this clickety, clickety, 
clickety—a timer going—whereupon, be- 
ing very brave, I dropped it, ran like hell 
and slammed the armored doors. Nothing 


happened. So I told the range attendant 
to leave the doors barred, put up a sign 
and Fd be back after lunch. I had a very 
long lunch that day, but when I went 
back, nothing had happened. Then, as 1 
was opening the doors, that mother went 
ofi. It caused the first miniature earth- 
quake in town and scared the shit out of 
me. The blast took a big hunk out of the 
concrete floor and scored the walls. 
What was it? 
It took me two years to find out. It 
was a very rare Italian World War Two 
demolition device. They were made with 
variable time fuses ranging from—get 
this—two seconds to several hours. After 
that, I flat-out refused to accept any un- 
known devices and sent a memo to my 
director, saying, FUCK YOU; STRONG MES- 
SAGE FOLLOWS. 
ө: Was all of your work there oriented 
toward ordnance? 
A: No. I worked on methods of applying 
gold to the edges of Bibles. Some com- 
pany wanted to find a way to do this by 
machine, because at the time, it was all 
handwork done by old craftsmen who 
were dying out. I was up to my asshole 
in Bibles for a long time. I found that 
kind of ironic working with one hand on 
that and with the other making miniature 
land mines or something. 
Q: You mentioned miniature detonators. 
Were they for the CIA or part of your 
official work for the institute? 
A: Both. Offcially, I was developing deto- 
nators to be used in the warheads of mis- 
siles and artillery shells. Unofficially, I 
was making miniaturized timers and deto- 
nators for setting off high explosives. All 
you do is take a battery-operated wrist 
watch or a penlight cell to provide power 
to run that little thing I had made; plug 
the two together and that’s your detonat- 
ing system. Some arsenal was manufac- 
turing a wrist watch that looked normal 
except it had terminals on it to which you 
could connect the detonators I was build- 
ing. I tried to get one of the watches for 
myself but couldn't. 
Q: What, then, was the difference between 
the detonators made for the institute and 
the ones for the CLA? 
^: Basically, just looks. The CIA models 
were most commonly disguised as Marl- 
boro boxes. They had asked that I make 
them so that they could be disguised as a 
package of cigarettes and the handiest 
thing was the Marlboro hard pack. After 
that, there were some other strange re- 
quests. Later, toward the last part of my 
stay at the institute, the Gravel Mine was 
being developed. Gravel was the code 
name for a Iand mine about the size of 
a tea bag that contained no metal or 
moving parts. They were dropped from 
airplanes and armed themselves by evap- 
oration after they hit the ground. Their 
(continued on page 170) 


could this be the 
same man who used to mail letters 
in the garbage 
can and walk through 
glass doors? 


fiction By ISAAC BASHEVIS SINGER. ix тне farben that I attended in Warsaw, there was a boy, Mendel, with the 
nickname “I Thought.” That’s what the boys called him and the reason for it was that he made countless mistakes 
for which he always had the same answer: “I thought.” For instance—one time, as winter approached, he tried to 
slide over the sewer in front of our heder. The real frosts hadn't yet started and the sewer was merely covered 
by a thin layer of ice. Mendel took off on the run and sank knee-deep into the dirty, cold water. The other boys 
managed to pull him out. When they asked him why he had attempted a slide over such a thin layer of ice, he 
said, “I thought the ice was thicker.” 

“Why didn't you test the ice with a stick first?" the boys asked, and Mendel replied: 

“T thought it wasn’t necessary.” 

“If you think, you fool yourself!” the heder boys exclaimed in unison. 

Mendel lived on a street where the number-22 streetcar ran. But he often boarded other streetcars and strayed 
off to strange and far-off neighborhoods. When asked why he had taken the wrong streetcar, Mendel replied, “I 
thought it was number twenty-two.” 

On one holiday, Mendel drank ink instead of borsht. He saw a bottle of red liquid, (continued on page 206) 139 


PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY SUZANNE SEED 


PLAYBOY 


ROLLS-ROYGE LOVE AFFAIR 


because she immediately went on to ask, 
"Isn't this a good time to call?” 

"No," I lied, it's fine.” But I can 
never conceal my feelings. My voice gives 
them away on the phone. My face gives 
them away in person. 

“You sound upset," she said matter- 
of-factly. “Is there anything I can do?” 

“No. It's kind of you to ask, but, really, 
1 don't... Only with Rosanna would 
1 have used the word kind. 

"Arc you free for lunch? I'd love to 
take you to lunch,” 

What the hell, I thought, I won't get 
any work done today, anyway. 

Her car pulled up 20 minutes later. 
My asskissing doorman, an unctuous 
eastern European named Valerian, genu- 
flected before the chromium hood orna- 
“Nize car,” he said, “nize peeples.” 
Valerian had no bleeding-heart liberal 
hang-ups. Money was good, poverty bad. 
Rich folks were "nizer" than poor folks. 
Teach a kid communism from a young 
age and when he grows up, he becomes a 
raging capitalist, Simple. 

Rosanna and I had Junch at the Car- 
lyle, and 1 made a point of paying, 
knowing that nothing endears one to the 
rich more than that. 

Rosanna had grown up in Chicago, in- 
herited a “tiny railroad" (which just 
happened to svrround the stockyards), 
gone to Bryn Mawr (and then graduated 
from Sarah Lawrence). married an up- 
tight, boring lawyer who loved her 
money, had one son with him and then 
left him for a swinging lawyer (who also 
loved her money, it turned out, but in 
a way that was less obvious to her). His 
name was Robert Czerny (and I later 
came to call him the “bouncing Czech”). 
To a society girl from Chicago, he rep- 
resented rebellion, freedom, Stanley Ko- 
walski, sex, self-destruction, excitement. 
He wore a gold cock ring and $25 ties— 
and he went down on her when she had 
her period (which по WASP would do). 
The way to a woman's heart. 

They maintained an apartment on 
Lake Shore Drive in Chicago (where the 
son and the nanny were ensconced), but 
Rosanna and Robert waveled. When 
Rosanna decided “to Write,” she took a 
studio apartment in the East 50s, hired a 
chauffeur for the Corniche and set herself 
up in New York (like any struggling 
poet) to make her literary fortune. 
Robert commuted between Chicago, New 
York and Washington (where he lobbied 
for mysterious causes and fucked around 
a lo). The Czernys had an ultraliber- 
ated marriage; they never saw each other. 
But Rosanna was fiercely detensive of 
“Rob.” He was her rebellion, but he 
was also her respectability—because, you 
see, she really liked women. And every 


140 reluctant lesbian needs an absent hus- 


(continued from page 115) 


band to cover her. I never heard anyone 
use the phrase “my husband” as often 
as Rosanna. 

I uncork a bottle of musk oil to conjure 
Rosanna. 1 spread it on my wrist, rub it 
inhale deeply, invoke the genie with- 
and suddenly it all comes back: the 
ride of the Corniche, the 
ng in at us with a mixture of 
resentment and awe, the polished parquet 
floors of Rosanna's writing "studio," the 
bentwood furniture, the hanging baskets 
of ferns, the practically bare rooms, the 
closet full of rock-star clothes, the bed with 
its white-wicker headboard and mono- 
grammed sheets, and what we did there. 

I went to bed with Rosanna out of 
curiosity the first time, out of horniness 
mingled with what I can only call bi- 
sexual chic the second and out of obli- 
gation thereafter. It was stylish to have 
a lesbian affair that year; I thought I 
might want to write about it; and Bennett 
was making me miserable. If men were 
the question, perhaps women were the 
answer. I had fantasies of setting up 
salon (if not house) with Rosanna—all 
very Vita Sackville-Westish or Colette- 
loves-Missy or Stein-loves-Toklas. We'd 
take care of each other faithfully and oc- 
casionally bring in men we could share. 

‘The first time we made love, I was 
chiefly exhilarated by the sense of doing 
something forbidden and not feeling the 
carth heave open to swallow me. There 
was something particularly liberating 
about breaking that taboo. It was not 
like losing one’s virginity—which had 
been fraught with guilt and tender tears. 
And it was not like the first adultery— 
h had been a roller-coaster alterna- 
tion of panic and pleasure. How can I 
desaibe it? The word smug comes to 
mind. The word smug and the scent of 
musk. I felt so goddamned superior to 
all those people who wouldn't dare it; I 
felt as i£ I had gone down on my mother. 

Ah, sex. A very mysterious force. Was 
it Lawrence who said, “The more we 
think about it, the less we know”? I 
Try to imagine oral-genital 
ns (as the sex manuals coyly call 
it) from the standpoint of a Martian or 
a low-lying UFO pilot from another 
solar system. How silly it would appear! 
It would seem like a form of cannibal- 
ип, perhaps. And perhap: 
What Hosanna was eat 
through my cunt was my poetry my 
vulnerability, my Jewish warmth. What 1 
was trying to eat through hers was her 
WASP coolth, her millions, or perhaps 
the freedom that I imagined went with 
them. 1 had never felt more trapped or 
more desperate in my life than I did 
that summer. I had tried everything: 
fame, fortune, adultery, never looking up 
from the page, living to write, running 


away, coming back, sitting on the razor's 
edge. Perhaps Rosanna had the answer. 
There had to be an answer somewhere. 

l had never before made love to a 
student. It was against my principles. If 
I felt guilty for anything, it was for 
that—not for touching another woman's 
creamy, slightly rancidsmelling cunt. Yet 
І was also fascinated by the act itself, 
seeing my body's mirror image in an- 
other body, not the cosmic crash of cock 
and cunt but the lilting, soft, safe rock- 
ing of woman against woman. Safe. That 
was the word I was sccking. Men were 
lethal; this was safe. 

Rosanna must have sensed my need for 
safety the morning she appeared. She 
must have sensed my vulnerability. All 
year she had been hot for me, had looked 
at me across the writingseminar table 
{also my dining table), wanting me, fall- 
g in love with me. То me, she was 
chiefly a curiosity: mannish haircut, tall 
string-bean 25 Mick Jagger clothes, 
Cartier jewelry and that musky smell. I 
necded no one new that year. I was 80 
locked within that dying marriage, so 
hopeless about change, so cynical about 
love, freedom, breaking loose. Rosanna 
had to hammer her way through my cyn- 
icism to make me hear her. 

. 

"The Corniche glides up, a chariot from 
another planet; Valerian genuflects; and 
off we go in a cloud of musk and carbon 
monoxide. At lunch we talk about men, 
jealousy. marriage, mothers, poetry. 
Bloomsbury, the vintages of wines. We 
consume two bottles of Mouton Cadet— 
Rosanna’s favorite. Or rather, she con- 
sumes them and I help a little. Not being 
Jewish, she has a hollow leg. As I spill 
out my story of Bennett's betrayal, she 
takes my hand. I feel mothered, cared for, 
vulnerable, understood. And I go on 
drinking wine. 

And then thc chauffeur is waiting and 
we go back to her studio. How easy 
everything is with a waiting chauffeur! 
How little one has to think, to consider, 
to obsess. 

More wine, more talk, hot rock music 
at first, then Cole Porter, Rosanna has 
the situation well in hand. Her face 
betrays no emotion but calm and under- 
standing. I am the child again, coming 
to Mother with my scraped knee. Sud- 
denly, Bennett is nothing more than a 
scraped knee! A little injury on the 
smooth skin of my life. 
nna excuses herself, goes to the 
bedroom, comes back wearing a caftan 
slit to the waist and lots more musk. The 
top of the caftan opens when she sits 
down next to me on the couch. I see her 
small pointed breasts and want to touch 
them. She sees me looking and reads my 
mind. She takes my hand and guides it 
to her breast. The nipple is bumpy and 

(continued on page 192) 


from the new book by 


ROSEMARIE SANTINI 


it's gone beyond fantasies: women 
from all walks of life are doing 
what they once merely imagined 


For some time now, we've been hear- 
ing about women's sexual fantasies. In 
scveral recently published books, women 
have admitted what they dream about. 
Now they're beginning to own up to 
what they're doing about those dreams. 
In “The Secret Fire: A New View of 
Women and Passion,” to be published 
this month by Playboy Press, Rosemarie 
Santini adds yet another dimension to 
our understanding of female eroticism. 
The author interviewed hundreds of 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY DENNIS MAGDICH 


143 


PLAYBOY 


ROLLS-ROYCE LOVE AFFAIR 


because she immediately went on to ask, 
“Isn't this a good time to call?” 

"No," I lied, “it's fine.” But I can 
never conceal my feelings. My voice gives 
them away on the phone. My face gives 
them away in person, 

“You sound upset,” she said matter- 
of-factly. “Is there anything I сап do?” 

"No. It's kind of you to ask, but, really, 
I don't. . . Only with Rosanna would 
I have used the word kind. 

“Are you free for lunch? I'd love to 
take you to lunch.” 

What the hell, I thought, I won't get 
any work done today, anyway- 

Her car pulled up 20 minutes later. 
My ass kissing doorman, an unctuous 
eastern European named Valerian, genu- 
flected before the chromium hood oma- 
ment. “Nize car,” he said, “nize peeples.” 
Valerian had no bleeding-heart liberal 
hang-ups. Money was good, poverty bad. 
Rich folks were “nizer" than poor folks. 
Teach a kid communism from a young 
age and when he grows up, he becomes a 
raging capitalist. Simple. 

Rosanna and I had lunch at the Cary 
lyle, and I made a point of paying 
knowing that nothing endears one to the 
rich more than that. 

Rosanna had grown up in Chicago, itj 
herited a “tiny railroad" (which jud 
happened to surround the stockyards 
gone to Bryn Mawr (and then graduate 
from Sarah Lawrence) married an ий 
tight, boring lawyer who loved he 
money, had one son with him and the 
left him for a s ig lawyer (who alsi 
loved her money, it turned out, but it 
a way that was less obvious to her). Hid 
name was Robert Czerny (and I later 
came to call him the “bouncing Czech"). 
"To a society girl from Chicago, he rep- 
resented rebellion, freedom, Stanley Ko- 
walski, sex, self-destruction, excitement. 
He wore a gold cock ring and $25 ties— 
and he went down on her when she had 
her period (which no WASP would do). 
The way to a woman's heart. 

They maintained an apartment on 
Lake Shore Drive in Chicago (where the 
son and the nanny were ensconced), but 
Rosanna and Robert traveled. When 
Rosanna decided “to Write,” she took a 
studio apartment in the East 50s, hired a 
chauffeur for the Corniche and set herself 
up in New York (like any struggling 
poet) to make her literary fortune. 
Robert commuted between Chicago, New 
York and Washington (where he lobbied 
for mysterious causes and fucked around 
а lot. The Czernys had an ultraliber- 
ated marriage; they never saw each other. 
But Rosanna was fiercely defensive of 
“Rob.” He was her rebellion, but he 
was also her respectability—because, you 
see, she really liked women. And every 


140 reluctant lesbian needs an absent hus- 


(continued from page 115) 


band to cover her, I never heaj 
use the phrase “my husband 
as Rosanna. 
I uncork a bottle of mug 
Rosanna. I spread it 9 
in, inhale deeply, ing 
in, and suddenly й 
oilsmooth ride 
people staring jj 
resentment any 
floors of Кой 
bentwood Д 
of ferns, £ 
closct ful 
its whi 
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it 

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а 18 

solar 

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was tryill 

WASP ci 


fame, fortune 
from the pag 


from the new book by 


ROSEMARIE SANTINI 


it's gone beyond fantasies: women 
from all walks of life are doing 
what they once merely imagined 


For some time now, we've been hear- 
ing about women's sexual fantasies. In 
several recently published books, women 
have admitted what they dream about. 
Now they're beginning to own up to 
what they're doing about those dreams. 
In “The Secret Fire: A New View of 
Women and Passion,” to be published 
this month by Playboy Press, Rosemarie 
Santini adds yet another dimension to 
our understanding of female eroticism. 
The author interviewed hundreds of 143 


ILLUSTRATIONS BY OENNIS MAGOICH 


PLAYBOY 


women from all walks of life—the arts, 
the professions, homemaking, prostitu- 
tion—on the subject of what they want 
from life and love and how they're going 
about getting it. The candor of their 
answers is astonishing. Here we present 
a handful of Santini’s “Secret Fire” sex- 
ual case histories of a variety of women, 
from dedicated SJM practitioners to a 
motorcycle-gang member's “old lady.” 


МАКС! 

Her Boston apartment is а mess; mem- 
orabilia of her father's career—he was a 
wellknown playwright—cover the walls. 
"Tiny and 20, looking like a French sex 
kitten, she is dressed in unchic hotpants 
with black-lace tights underneath and 
sequined, ankle-strap platforms. Her long, 
reddish locks are casual and she speaks 
softly of her favorite kind of sex—sido- 
masochism—which for her is as much 
whipping as she can possibly handle 
without fainting. 

“I get turned on by pain. My former 
husband used to spank me, and when he 
saw I liked it, we staned to play S/M 
with bondage. He used to spread-eagle me 
and tie me to the furniture. Then we got 
scared, because the S/M play got heav- 
ier and heavier. 
тп amazed at how much pain I can 
take" Nanci whispers. “Even the next 
day, there's an afterglow from the bruises 
оп my body.” She unwraps her blouse 
and reveals her purple, bruised shoulders 
and the marks ol the lash on her back. 

How does pain become pleasure? 

"E don’t know how to explain it. 
There's a lot of sex talk, suggesting things. 
Once it starts, I feel very calm and a very 
rosy, warm feeling enveiops me. I let the 
person know what I like and that I can 
take more. Then I start having spon- 
taneous orgasms from whipping, even 
without having intercourse. I lose con- 
sciousness after I've been whipped for a 
while. I actually faint with orgasm. 

“My exhusband liked me to wear gar- 
ter belts and stockings and a corset of 
leather. The whippings got harder and 
harder and he began to draw blood with 
the riding crop. When it started to take 
more and more pain to reach the same 
level of pleasures and we began talking 
about piercing my labia with a ring, I 
called a halt. I didn't want any perma- 
nent mutilation." 

Occasionally, Nanci plays the domi- 
nant partner. “Recently, I took on the 
S role. I put this guy in bondage so he 
couldn't get loose and I used clothespins 
оп his nipples. Then I began whipping 
him and drew blood. I got hysterical then. 
It’s much harder to act out the dominan 
role, because I'm afraid of losing control." 


DORIS 
Doris is a shy, voluptuous Southern 


144 woman in beads and denims. 


"I've been married to Harold since I 
19, she begins, her eyes glowing. 
“That was six years ago. This year, I 
met a madam at а party and really got 
turned on to her. I started working for 
her during the day while Harold took 
care of the children. I loved it. The 
madam and 1 were about the same size, 
and when I'd arrive in my jeans, she'd 
take me to the closet and Jet me pick out 
anything to wear. But the job didn't last 
long, because the madam told me I took 
too long when I gave a guy a blow job,” 
she giggles. “Most of those guys never 
had a blow job like that, because nobody 
had ever taken the time to play with 
their cocks. Also, one of the guys I last 
blew was a policeman,” she confides, 
“and that really freaked me out.” 

How did her husband feel about her 
working as a prostitute? 

“Well, when I got home, I was always 
very horny and I would throw the money 
all over the bed and say to Harold, “Well, 
look at this!’ And he'd be there with a 
grin on his face, and then we'd ball and 
ball. That's how I got the idea of going 
into business for myself. 

“Working with customers can be very 
satisfying sexually, but it leaves me at a 
peak. I go home really turned on and 
really wanting to fuck Harold. He likes 
to hear what I've been doing. I turn him 
on. Last week was great! In one day, I 
fucked seven times, four of those times 
with my husband and the other three 
with customers. 

“I masturbate а lot, too, especially 
before I go to sleep. I never used to 
masturbate in front of Harold or my 
customers, but I do now. It turns some of 
them on. I don't have orgasms with 
penetration . . never have. My orgasms 
are from finger-fucki 

Doris then expl. 
of finger-ucking. “A gynecologist showed 
me а way men can do it to me, The man 
puts his fingers in behind the clitoris and 
he spreads them out. You can’t do 
yourself, Anyway, the man opens his fin- 
gers and rubs really fas, inside the vagi 
pressing up against the pubic bone. 
There are wo little bulbs that come 
down on either side of the small lips 
from the clitoris, and he can only get 
to them from the inside. Oh, that's a 
fantastic orgasm. That's what I consider 
my vaginal orgasm. I always dream that 
I'm going to find a certain-size penis 
that can fit into that place. I'm married 
to a guy with a big cock and I get off 
better with a guy with a smaller cock.” 


PATRICIA 
At 40, Patricia is a well-proportioned 
brunette who lives in a luxurious apart- 
ment in Baltimore. She swings back 


and forth on an old rocker in an antique- 
filled parlor. “When I see a Nazi film, 
I really get excited,” Patricia explains, 
picking at her low Tshirt, which reveals 
her full breasts. "That's because, as an 
American diplomat's daughter, I grew up 
in Paris and was very susceptible to those 
gorgeous six-foot, blue-eyed blonds when 
they took over the city. Wow! They 
were really impressive!” 

A mattress lies near a window alcove. 
“That's for sex,” she explains. “Ivs a 
foam-rubber mat about five inches thick. 
I've covered it with heavy cotton. It’s 
good for sex, because it’s harder than a 
mattress. It doesn't give. Beds are usually 
too mushy. Also, I hate to redo my bed 
every time I have sex. So I just throw a 
towel over this and it's whoopee! 

“Гуе got five or six regular boyfriends 
who come up and have lunch, dinner, 
drinks or to go to a concert. I don't date 
men who come here just for sex. 

"I sun-bathe on the terrace, topless. 
Yesterday, there was somebody waving 
to me from the roof of the next building. 
1 waved back. He signaled about having 
a drink, We met downstairs, he turned 
out to be quite charming and we made 
love that evening. 

“When I'm waiting for a traffic light 

to change, I'll stand there and often 
there's a man crossing from the opposite 
side of the street. ГЇЇ look straight into 
his eyes as he's approaching me and I'll 
smile. Then I'll say good morning. Its 
really a great opener.” 
xual? 
h women is an appetizer,” 
she replies. “Men are entrees. I like the 
meat and potatoes of a man. I'm really 
a liberated person, the most liberated 
person on this globe. But I do have one 
rule: I only fuck married men who com- 
mute, so I dont have to mcet their 
wives." 


мїск! 

Vicki, pretty, vivacious and blonde, is 
seated on a sofa in a greemsitin robe 
that opens as she moves to reveal her 
breasts, and then again to reveal her con- 
wasting dark pubic hair. 

“I like my boyfriend to put shackles 
on me and use a leather paddle. I have 
to say thank you after I get stroked. If 
I forget to say thank you, I keep on 
getting hit until I do. Then I may have 
to kiss the paddle or his hand and call 
him master and show my respect and 
devotion. While I'm being stroked, he 
also sexually excites me. He kisses me 
and fondles me. He plays with my vagina 
to see if I am getting wet. The more he 
plays with me, the more excited I 
get. I can take a large dose of being hit; 
it doesn't hurt. J like being blindfolded 
and not knowing where the stroke is 


“No, damn it, I don't want to go and look under the tree!” 


PLAYBOY 


146 just from КЁ 


coming from. Then I get receptive and 
very, very sexy. Then I begin worshiping 
him because he's controlling me. 

"It all makes me feel very feminine 
and protected, like a little girl but still 
a woman. I have a very strong character 
and I want to һе forced to give that up.” 

Vicki is a sales manager for a maga- 
zine, earning $20,000 a year at the age 
of 29. As she waits for a husband, she is 
what she calls a decadent and 
promiscuous life. One night recently, she 
went to a party wearing her bondage 
jewelry. One young man came up to her 
and asked her to go out onto the landing. 
He took her up near the roof, pushed her 
flat onto the floor and attacked her. “At 
first, I resisted and he slapped my face 
hard, Then he raped me right there. He 
pulled my pants off and started fuc 
me hard. I came and came. Then we left 
the party with a friend of his and went 
to my house. First, he fucked me again 
and again, then he gave me to his friend. 
They tied my hands up and I was pretty 
excited. Then he told his friend, ‘Slap her 
around a little, she likes it. He was right, 
I really loved it. 

“Last night, he called me and I was 
very, very horny. He said he couldn't 
come over and I told him to send another 
friend. It was great, a stranger coming 
into my house and fucking me. I really 
got off. 

“Another thing I love about being 
submissive is that you're definitely not 
being ignored. If somebody's going 
through all this work to tie me up and 
paddle me and make love to me, obvious- 
ly, he must care a lot. When I was a 
child, I got a lot of attention by having 
temper tantrums, getting into trouble. 
I used that as a manipulative force.” 


JENNIFER 

Jennifer and ‘Tommy lead a very pri- 
vate life, although both are part of 
Hollywood's film world and Tommy is 
famous. “We've been all over the world. 
In Paris, I bought special underwear, a 
G string and a white marabou boa. I love 
to tease Tommy. I wear a simple dress 
and when we're alone in an elevator, I 
pull my skirt up and say, ‘Look what I 
have to show youl" 

“l fantasize a lot. I fantasize on the 
subway, in taxicabs, even in the middle 
of conversations. People know something 
unusual is happening, because I can see 
from their expressions that they're get- 
ting turned on. I have a lot of fantasies. 
One is about an older Italian man, like 
а Godfather. He’s in good physical shape 
and treats me like a little girl. I really 
love it. I sit on his lap, and kissing him is 
so incredible I get very excited. I come 
ing. For some reason, in the 


fantasy, we have to wait until the next 
day to make love, so we have this entire 
day and night of intense excitement, And 
the next day, we make love and it's won- 
derful. 1 have this other fantasy about 
sleeping with two or three men at the 
same time. One is fucking me in the ass 
and I'm sucking the other oll. That's one 
of my favorites. I don’t tell Tommy 
about my fantasies, because he's very 
jealous.” 


NATASHA 

Her sculptor's studio in San Francisco, 
with its coal-black walls and ornate art- 
deco chandeliers, is a fantasy world: Its 
sensuous, imaginative creator is Natasha, 
a Polish Catholic from the Bronx who 
traded her sturdy black pigtails for a 
multicolored Afro, her blue-and-white, 
Catholic school wniform for a ruby-red 
silken robe embroidered in gold. 

“My sexuality is the same energy I 
paint with, that I make sculptures with, 
that I write poetry with, that I fuck with. 
It comes from the same place. But I'm 
too much for one man,” she says sadly, 
touching a wild sculpture of a piratelike 
male figure with a huge penis ornately 
decorated in gold leaf. In fact, ГЇЇ never 
forget one night when I was really get- 
ting into it and this guy stopped me and 
said furiously, ‘Please control yourself.’ 
1 was really wounded. But after a few 
minutes, I began screaming and yelling 
my head off. I know it was cruel, but 
there are men out there who just don't 
care very much about women and what 
they do to them." 

What kind of mcn arc suitable for 
Natasha? 

“The imaginative ones. One time, 1 
put this scuba-diving equipment on and 
my lover put on the mask and fins; we 
had sex for hours with that stuff on. 
Another lover invited me to a Hallow- 
сеп party. I put on boots, a coat and 
jewelry. I rubbed baby ой all over my 
naked body. I was all shiny and had little 
golden chains on my stomach. When I 
arrived at the door, I took him into the 
kitchen and opened up my coat. Well, he 
was so turned on that he went into 
the other room and announced that the 
party was over. We fucked for two days. 

“You know, a lot of men don't under- 
stand the nature of a creative woman. If 
1 let myself, I'd fuck my whole life away. 
But I don’t, because I need and use that 
energy for my work. When I work, I get 
sexually high. In fact, one time I was so 
high 1 took five clean paintbrushes, got 
under the quilt and masturbated with 
them. ОООоооооһ, it was great! Now I 
use them all the time. Especially the 
really fine ones. They're just like the most 
sensitive tongue 1 have ever felt.” 


uz 

Liz’s studio in SoHo, in New York 
City, is part of a large loft apartment, 
where she lives with her husband. The 
walls are painted red, decorated with a 
dozen or so blackdeather accessories: 
hats, garter belts, a black bra and pant- 
ies. Liz is wearing a blacklace, see- 
through blouse, a tight satin skirt and a 
large black hat. Her upturned nose, her 
wide, brown eyes dominate her face. She 
is wearing small golden earrings and 
many golden rings on her long, slim 
fingers. Black leather belt and high- 
hecled shoes complete this costume, 
"which she calls her "business outfit," ap- 
parendy oblivious of the fact that the 
rosy-red nipples of her breasts are visible. 
Tall, slim, with long, sinewy legs, 28- 
year-old Liz pouts her sensuous lips as 
she tells about an experience that vicar- 
iously turns her on. 

“A friend of mine and her boyfriend 
go out to Plum Beach. She lies in the 
front seat of the car, totally exposed. It’s 
usually early evening; men walk up and 
down the beach and any one of them 
who cares to can partake of her sexually. 
Her boyfriend sits over on a bench and 
oversees the situation, so she won't get 
into any physical danger. She says she 
loves it because it is anonymous sex. I've 
never done that bit, but I find the idea 
exciting. 

"I can put my head into certain fanta- 
sies and get really super rushes. I have a 
favorite called The Gage. It takes place 
in a low-lit private dub, where all the 
men who attend are black. In the center 
of the club is a golden cage about three 
fect wide with wide bars. It is the only 
illuminated thing in the place. Every 
ight it's a different person's responsibil- 
ity to bring a nude white woman to the 
cage, blindfolded. She's put into the cage, 
where she can sit or stand, as she 
chooses. If she sits, she’s accessible to 
everyone. During the evening, there'll be 
big black hands all over her. If she wants 
to, she can turn and give someone a blow 
job. She's a captive, but she's in control, 
because if she wishes, she can stand up 
in the cage and no one can reach her. 
Usually, in the course of the evening 
she's handled by about 15 men—30 hands 
on her. When you have a lot of hands 
оп you, it really feels incredible, 

“I have another favorite, where a girl 
is brought to a room where everyone is 
costumed. She's tied down to a Plexiglas 
form in doggy position, with a large 
mirror in front of her, so she cam sec 
what's happening behind her. Costumed 
pages bring her a chalice of oil. Everyone 
is following the directions of a very tall 

(concluded on page 178) 


toward distant horizons to the contrary, the mun- 

dane fact remains that a vast percentage of Ameri- 
can driving takes place in the ruck of urban and 
suburban streets and freeways. Most of us operate 
automobiles not in some zesty liaison with a splendid 
machine on an open road but in the turgid mire of 
workaday commuters struggling against their own pres- 
ence to get to and from work. This reality tends to 
negate the need for interesting, nimble cars and causes 
many to seck mobility via insulated, hermetically sealed 
cocoons wherein stereo music and air conditioning iso- 
late them from the chore of driving. This is one ration- 
ale, based on the reasoning that most traffic operates 
so slowly that the need for a machine with any sporting 


modern living By DROGR AMES шее: e 


machine that makes 
sense in the urban 
crush and makes tracks 
on the open road 


у: Fantasies about winding highways leading 


SIN erm 
SUNSE 
SEN HITS 
GIANT SPIDER INVASION | 
CREMATDRS 7 
DNO ATLANTIS 


PLYMOUTH ARROW 


JAGUAR XJ6C 


instincts whatsoever is akin to hunting quail with a 
bazooka; there is simply no need for that brand of 
firepower. 

Yet a new breed of automobiles that blends sporti- 
ness and practicality to a point where they become 
palatable alternatives to the standard commuter 
cocoon is slowly easing onto the domestic scene, What 
we have are machines that are light and small and 
keenly suited to enjoyable driving yet are more adapt- 
able to the broad needs of modern, multifaceted 
living. Whereas the standard brand of sporting ve- 
hicle came in two exclusive forms—i.c., the imported, 
two-place roadster or G.T. car and the Detroit muscle 


HONDA ACCORD 


car—we now have the choice of a third type, a Third 
World of automobiles that offers a neat solution to the 
man who likes to drive yet needs more utility than that 
Offered in the traditional versions of sporty cars. 

This new species is smaller than the normalsized 
American car yet can carry four passengers, at least for 
short hauls. They are, with some exceptions, less than 
180 inches in length, with wheelbases under 100 inches. 
They are light, in the range of 2500 pounds, and, 
again with a few notable exceptions, are powered by 
sophisticated, smooth-running four-cylinder engines fea- 
turing such exotica as overhead camshafts, fuel injection 
and the lavish use of special alloys They are closely 


related to the new generation of Datsuns, Toyotas, 
Chevettes, etc, that are adding extra dimensions of 
function and performance to the so-called subcompacts, 
and in a number of cases share engines, transmis- 
sions and body shells with those machines, The differ- 
ences lie in performance and styling. These Third World 
aportsters are faster, more powerful, lower, lighter and 
more expensive than their economy-inspired counter- 
parts and, therefore, open пр surprising opportunities 
for driving fun among the urban-suburban-freeway 
nomads. 

Some of the best examples share the special distinc- 
tion of front-wheel drive, a particularly suitable com- 


CHEVROLET MONZA V8 


— 


ponent for small automobiles because it eliminates the 
intrusion of the driveshaft tunnel into the passenger 
compartment. With the added fillip of mounting the 
engine transversely in the chassis, the entire power 
train can be tucked into a tiny cubbyhole at the front 
of the car, leaving a vast percentage of the available 
bodywork for carrying people and luggage. The classic 
expression of this concept lies in the dazzling new Honda 
Accord, which could be the most lucid amalgam of small- 
car engineering in the world. Here is a sweet-handling, 
high-mileage (over 30 mpg under all conditions), quiet- 
running, wonderfully efficient automobile that will carry 
four adult passengers and their gear without fuss or 


bother. While it is slightly larger than its lovable midget 
brother, the Civic, the Accord is minuscule by American 
standards. Its over-all length is а mere 162.8 inches, its 
wheelbase a modest 93.7 inches and its weight just under 
a ton, ready to drive. Yet the Accord packs a staggering 
collection of equipment. such as a fivespeed transmission 
(a two-speed automatic is optional), power. assisted front 
disk brakes, rack-and-pinion steering, etc., into its mod- 
est (approximately $4000) price tag. Like the Civic, it 
uses the Honda CVCC (Compound Vortex Controlled 
Combustion—in case you asked) engine, which employs 
an advanced yet marvelously simple cylinder-head design 
to produce high efficiency and drivability in association 


RENAULT 17 GORDINI С 


FORD MUSTANG II V8 


MAZDA COSMO 


PLAYBOY 


with low exhaust emissions on regular gas, 
yet. With good acceleration, a top specd 
of just under 100 mph and a wonderful 
ability o zoom through holes in heavy 
traffic, the Accord is a perfect machine for 
the man seeking high levels of commuter- 
type efficiency in concert with the capabil- 
ity of evening theater-restaurant hopping 
with his lady and another couple. 

The Honda people—who not only 
dominate the motorcycle market here but 
are now the fowth largest importer of 
cars—haye been accused of flagrantly 
copying in their Accord the Volkswagen 
Scirocco. To be sure, the Scirocco an- 
tedates the Accord by nearly two years, 
but there is no question that the Honda 
effort was on the drawing boards long 
before the Scirocco appeared. Regardless. 
the two cars are remarkably alike, both in 
appearance and in concept. The Scirocco 
wi 


5 shaped by the Italian Giorgetto Gi 


ro, the hottest automotive stylist in the 
world today, and is slightly more rakish 
than the Accord—at the expense of rear- 
headroom. 1t u: four-speed man- 
al smission, as opposed to the 
Honda's more flexible fivespeed, but is 
within inches and pounds of being identi- 
l in size and weight, Although the 
Sciroeco's engine is smaller—97 cu. in. 
vs. 97.6 cu. in—its output of 78 hp is 
ten greater than the Accord's, which gives 
a slight edge in acceleration. However, 
whatever advantage the Scirocco might 
enjoy in performance is countered by the 
price—it's nearly $1000 more Шап the 
Accord, with fewer standard goodies. 
While there is little debating the fact 
that the Scirocco and the Accord repre- 
sent the wave of the future with thei 
transversely mounted, front-wheel-drive 
engine layouts, there are other sporty ma- 
chines available that тї them in con- 
cept. Certainly, the closest is the Lancia 
Beta Coupe, a low, square-shouldered lit- 
de machine that is similar to the Scirocco 
and the Accord in everything except price. 
At about $7500, the Beta Coupe is closer 
to a 242 grand touring car than to an 
urban sportster (242 referring to the 
fact that the car is actually a two-seater, 
with a pair of back seats for occasional 
passengers) and it offers such extras 
four-wheel disk brakes, high-quality coach- 
work, a larger, 86-hp engine and better 
performance for the extra money. Also 
the same league is the Renault 17 Gor- 
dini, which is a high-water mark, not only 
in recent French sports-type cars but in 
the genre as a whole. Featuring a strong. 
fuelinjected, 95-hp engine and a five- 
ainsmission, this is a quick car in 
any league; ie., 105-mph top speed and 
n just over nine seconds. Its solid, 
rather pretty semiconvertible body will ac- 
commodate four passengers with ease and 
it is a silent performer at all speeds. 
The only basic difference between the 


152 Gordini and the tio of others is its 


power-plant layout, which places the en- 
gine longitudinally in the chassis; this 
accounts in part for the fact that it is 
nearly ten inches longer overall, with 
essentially the same interior space. The 
solid quality of the Gordini (which is also 
available in a slightly less powerful, less 
fancy 17IL version) gives it a price tag 
of over $6500, but it is a standout buy. 

The Swedish firm of Saab is best 
known for jazzy jet fighters and rather 
lumpy, indestructible front: wheel drive 
small sedans. It has let its sporty image 
slump in the United States for the sake of 
nurturing a reputation for practicality 
and good sense, but things may be chang- 
ing. Good sense is certainly not the cen- 
tral theme of the Saab 99 EMS, a romping, 
stomping, 118-hp, fuel-injected, two-door 
version of the rectangular body style that 
has been around for a number of years. 
The 99 EMS is fast (108 mph) and, thanks 
fo suspension modifications, a handling 
marvel. Moreover, it will carry four pas- 
sengers in limousinelike splendor and is 
even capable of squeezing a fifth on 
board for short wips. Heavier by about 
600 pounds than the Accord/Scirocco 
types, the Saab is a solid, all-weather 
machine that for its heady price tag of 
57000 infuses a refreshing dose of sporti- 
ness into the solid but somewhat dull 
presence of the normal 99Es. 

Despite the steady rise in the market 
of front-wheel drive, the much-loved 
front-engine, rear-drive system remains 
the staple of the industry, including this 
subspecies of urban sports cars. New 
Japanese cars, such as the Toyota Celica 
GT Liftback and the Plymouth Arrow 
(built in Japan by Mitsubishi for Chrys- 
ler—as is its mechanical twin, the Dodge 
Colt), are conventional in layout but have 
a special sporting flavor that gives an extra 
dimension to their small-car economy and 
utility. The Celica Liftback, with its 96-hp. 
engine and 2500-pound weight, is larger, 
faster and at $4700, slightly more expen- 
sive than the Arrow, but both have smooth, 
efficient overhead-am engines and five- 
specd transmissions. 

Should your tastes гип to American- 
built automobiles, both Chevrolet and 
Ford have formidable contenders in thi: 
urban sporty-car line-up. Like the Toyo 
and the Arrow, they are conventional in 
concept, but both the Chevrolet Monza 
Spyder and the Mustang II Cobra II 
are smallish, four-place hatchbacks h 
а higher-than-average quotient of per- 
formance. And, in keeping with Detroit 
tradition, they are larger, heavier and 
more powerful than the compe: 
Monza Spyder, new for 1977, is one of 
the opening shots in a new emphasis on 
sportiness and performance in the domes- 


c and a tepid 
„ the early Monzas, with 
their sleek lines, were sheep in wolves’ 


clothing. But now, with a stronger 305-cu.- 
in. V8 and stiller suspension, the new 
Spyder is a legitimate sporting automo- 
bile. Heavier, at 3310 pounds, and longer, 
at 179.3 inches, the Spyder is also the 
fastest of the lot, with a top speed ap- 
proaching 120 mph. The Ford Mustang 
II Cobra II is essentially in the same 
idiom as the Monza, although it can be 
purchased with a small four-cylinder 
Pinto engine, as well as with a 302-cu-in. 
V8. The Cobra II option is essentially a 
cosmetic, paint-and-tape overlay, but the 
302 version can be purchased with enough 
performance items to produce a service- 
ably nimble automobile. It is not quite 
the performer the Spyder is, but it con- 
tains enough speed and general pizzazz 
to put a little fun back into the daily 
freeway crawl for Ford lovers. There are 
those among us who might consider both 
the Spyder and the Cobra II to border 
on the garish, what with their loud paint 
and acres of decals. Happily, this decor 
is only skin.deep and both cars may be 
purchased with essentially the same me- 
chanical components but devoid of the 
flamboyant trim. Careful selection from 
the dezler's option list will permit onc 
to select basically the same engine/trans- 
mission/suspension packages that come 
on the Spyder and the Cobra II but con- 
tained in a more subdued exterior. How- 
ever, if you want more power, the Monza 
сап be easily upgraded. One of those 
famed freerevving 327s from the pre- 
emission days can be found in a junk 
yard for $100-$200 and bolted directly 
into the car. The same can be done 
the case of the Mustang II with some 
older, small-block Ford є 
While most of the cars in this field 
are three<loor hatchback types, which 
adds to the overall functionalism of the 
design, several more traditional coupe 
types are available. The new BMW 320 i 
is the slightly larger, faster, more luxurious 
replacement for the much-loved 2002 
series that helped boost the recent for- 
tunes of the Munich-based manufacturer. 
The 320 i maintains the rather tall, boxy 
styling theme of the 2002 but is generally 
a smoother, more civilized automobile, 
thanks to its fuel-injected four-cylinder 
engine and its improved chassis and 
suspension. Because of its squarish roof 
line, it will carry four adults with ease, 
although the great unwashed may fail to 
understand why it costs in excess of $8000. 
The Mazda Cosmo is about $2000 
cheaper than the BMW 320i, but it is 
probably the plushest, most elegantly ap- 
pointed automobile in this entire collec- 
tion. Another distinction lies in its power 
plant, which, like those of all the larger 
Mazdas, is one of the smooth-running 
rotaries based on the German Wankel 
patents. The Cosmo is the premier 
chine in the Mazda lineup. although 
(concluded on page 228) 


a- 


article By JIMMY BRESLIN 


oe going to run а successful bar, you've got to keep up with the times 


Tr WAS A HARD Jos, This particular part 

of it would take m 

Vito the workman, built like a tight 

end, sweat dripping from his chin, 

stood on the bar and ripped at the 

insides of this dumb-waiter that for 
ars had blocked customers from being 


served at one end of the bar. 
“Tough job, Vito,” Johnny McGuire, 
the owner, said 
‘Tough job,’ 
"You wanta drink, V 
“No, I got to keep goi 
Johnny McGuire stared at his drink. 


ILLUSTRATION BY FRANZ ALTSCHULER 


‘The place was closed and he was alone; 
he dreaded later on, when the place 
would be open and crowded. Johnny 
had turned his saloon, Pep McGuire's 
saloon on Queens Boulevard in New 
York Gity, into a gay bar, and, like 
any decent Irish Catholic from the 


PLAYBOY 


154 


borough of Queens, he was terrified of 
homosexuals, Here in the gloom of the 
afternoon, watching Vito work, Johnny 
McGuire reached for his best companion, 
depression. To do this, to wrap himself in 
vacant pain, he merely had to think of 
any part of the magnificent life that he 
had led. 

For years, he and his partner had 
spent all their time and energy on gam- 
bling. One day they turned around to 
find that their great saloon business now 
consisted of a few guys talking about 
who caught the football or how many 
home runs Mantle hit in his best season. 
Soon, Johnny McGuire was trying to 
pay his Shylocks with no money, some- 
thing the Shylocks considered to be 
poor form. 

So Johnny McGuire went the only 
way there was to go, turn the place рау. 
Gay lives are geared to going out at 
night. For one thing, few of them have 
to watch kids. All the other people. all 
the straight people in a place like 
Queens, New York City, stay home and 
watch television with the police dog. 
"Ehe streets are left nearly empty and 
thus seem more unsafe. Frequently, it 
seems you are left only with gays twirl- 
ing through the night on their way to 
drink and song. 

Johnny's problem, trying to be at case 
among gays, was made worse by outside 
pressure: His family and friends seemed 


to think he was doing something terri- ` 


ble. Which kept Johnny suspended in 
alcohol. He was a great natural pro- 
moter. For his place to last—gay bars 
change rapidly—he would have to put 
in all his energy and ability. But none 
of his friends would talk to him any- 
more, and he didn't know whether to 
sell the place or kill himself. And now 
he sat at the bar and worried and 
watched Vito work. 

"Care for a drink now?" Johnny said 
to Vito. 

“I better just keep рой 

Johnny looked at his watch. It was 
5:30. By eight o'clock, customers would 
be in the place. He was glad Vito was 
with him. At least he had somebody he 
could relate to. Vito's thick arms tore at 
the insides of the dumb-waiter. 

Johnny McGuire comes out of Rock- 
away Beach in Queens. His parents 
owned a saloon and raised three sons, 
two of whom became famous: Dick 
McGuire, a great backcourt man with 
the New York Knicks, and Al McGuire, 
the winning coach of Marquette Uni- 
versity. Johnny McGuire had one draw- 
back to athletic prominence: He had no 
talent. When he came back from war, 
from the Great War, his leg in a cast, he 
said he had been shattered by flak over 


Berlin and had been given many medals. 
His morher knew that he had broken the 
leg while mopping the gym floor at an 
air base in Nebraska. She promptly or- 
dered Johnny to work behind the bar, 
leg in a cast and all. 

With this background, Johnny did 
what he was supposed to do: He became 
badge number 6783, Police Department 
of the city of New Yor 

One day in the fall of 1953, John- 
ny was put on a four-r.s.-to-midnight 
post guarding the entrance to UN Am- 
bassador Henry Cabot Lodge's suite at 
the Waldorf Towers. Threats had been 
made on Lodge's life by Puerto Rican 
nationalists. Johnny, exhausted from a 
hard day battling early races at Aqueduct 
Race Track, pulled up a chair to Lodge's 
door and sat on it. It was warm in the 
hallway. Johnny took off his hat, mopped 
his wet hair and left the hat on the floor. 
Soon, the gun on his belt felt too heavy. 
Johnny took off the gun and placed it on 
the floor under his hat. Then Johnny 
clasped his hands and went to sleep. 

A great flash awoke him. Here, walk- 
ing away from him, was a photographer 
from the New York Daily News, Johnny 
yelped. The photographer began run- 
ning and Johnny tore down the hall 
after him. Johnny's shouts brought a lieu- 
tenant to the scene. Johnny confessed 
sleeping on post to the lieutenant. The 
lieutenant then explained to the pho- 
tographer that this young patrolman 
would lose his job if the picture ap- 
peared. The photographer said, all 
right, let's go back and get another pic- 
ture. Once, people were able to make 
a few human judgments; today this 
could never happen; today the photog- 
rapher would be committing some sort 
of crime. For the next picture, Johnny 
McGuire stood at attention at Henry 
Cabot Lodge's door. It was a great pi 
ture of a New York cop, finelooking 
tough Irish lad, protecting one of our 
officials from unseen foreign evil. The 
picture made the front page of the Daily 
News. Here was intrepid Officer Mc 
Guire; here ће was, standing at attention 
but with no hat on and no gun on. The 
precinct captain took one look at the 
newspaper and assigned Johnny to a 
fixed post, which meant he could not walk 
more than ten yards in any direction and 
that he was to be checked by supervisors 
every two and a half hours. 

At this time, Johnny was hanging 
around, for purposes of gambling, one 
Norton W. Peppis. Blue-cyed, fashion- 
ably dressed, Peppy was the most prom- 
inent New York Jewish gambler since 
the late and very great Mendel "Sugar 
Plum” Yudelowitz. Peppy became upset 
when he learned Johnny was assigned 
a fixed post. “That's like making Eisen- 


hower do guard duty!” he shouted at 
Johnny. in your suit. You're too 
big for this. 

Johnny became the first guy 
Queens I ever knew to voluntarily р 
up the great prize: a police pension. A 
few years later, he and Peppy opened Pep 
McGuire's an was the times, the Sixties, 
and their energy, having jockeys ride race 
horses into the place at night, that made it 
go. "We can't miss at anything we do,” 
Peppy 

But what they soon were doing main- 
ly was gambling. They had $5000 on a 
horse called Hebrides, which won by a 
length at Aqueduct and would have 
paid better than two to one if the stew- 
ards had not decided to disqualify the 
horse for cutting another off. In the din- 
ing room at Aqueduct, Johnny McGuire 
put the track program into his mouth 
and took a bite. Half of the money they 
had bet was over the phone with a book- 
maker. The bookmaker was one of those 
people who become violent if they don't 
get paid. As Johnny McGuire chewed 
and swallowed paper, Peppy told him, 
“Don't worry, we'll win the next.” 

‘At Madison Square Garden, a basket- 
ball game, they bet Boston and gave De- 
troit five points. Near the end, Boston was 
ahead by five and Bill Russell rushed to 
the basket and put it in. This put Bos- 
ton out by seven. Peppy and Johnny 
ripped off their shirts in joy. They near- 
ly missed the referee's calling a charging 
foul on Russell. The basket did not 
count. The lead was back to five points. 
Detroit went downcourt. Johnny Mc- 
Guire, covering his eyes, heard a great 
shout in the arena zs a Detroit player 
threw in a shot just before the final 
buzzer. This made the number three. The 
bet now was lost. Johnny McGuire went 
out into the street and hung over a trash 
basket. The play had cost him $7500. 

“Don't worry, we'll get them back," 
Peppy said. 

On a cold Sunday morning in Decem- 
ber of 1968, Peppy and Johnny were in 
the saloon, counting receipts, when а 
guy named Stanley came in. Stanley was 
the night doorman at the Summit Hotel 
on Lexington Avenue in Manhattan. At 
five in the morning, Stanley saw Joe Na- 
math come out of the hotel with a bottle 
in one arm and a blonde on the other. 
Namath was to play for the Jets at Shea 
Stadium that day in the American 
League championship game against 
tough Oakland. 

“Nobody can go against whiskey and 
broads all night and then go out and 
play football" Peppy said. “Don’t tell 
me what saloons can do to you. This 
dizzy kid don’t have a chance today.” 

Peppy and Johnny grabbed phones. 
They berated bookmakers who tried to 

(concluded on page 168) 


Playboys Playmate 


Ceviec 


a roundup of the past delightful dozen 


THE YEAR just past was one of celebration; 
how often, after all, does a nation get to be 
200? Readers of рїлүвоү had their own 
causes for celebration—12 of them, to be 
exact—and though the Bicentennial is his- 
tory now, we can bring back the golden 
days of that particular yesteryear for you 
in the form of our annual Playmate Review. 
So here they are, again, Misses January 
through December: a dozen girls you'd 
like to know better. We've checked in with 
them to see how they've been doing since 
we last heard from them, and everything's 
upbeat. Before long, it'll be time to pick 
one as our Playmate of the Year; the final 
choice, as always, belongs to our editors, 
but we'd be glad to hear what you think. 


Miss Decemben 


Karen Hafter (left), like 
Erica Jong, has conquered 
her fear of flying. She 
still digs trains, especially 
classics like the one she 
fantasized about in last 
month's issue; but when 
she decided to make her 
West Coast move a per- 
manent one, time pres- 
sures forced her to fly to 
New York to collect her 
stuff. “By the time | re- 
turned to L.A., | was getting 
used to it she says. "Now 
I'm living in a big house 
I'm renting by the beach. 
Guess I'm here to stay." 


Miss Januany 


Daina House (right) is 
somebody you're going to 
see a lot of on movie 
screens this year. She 
plays a whore in The 
Winds of Autumn (with 
Ann Pennington)—and a 
"hell-fire-on-wheels" lady 
motorcyclist in an adven- 
ture epic about off-road 
racing shot in Manila. Last 
time we tried to call her, 
we found her on loca- 
tion in Northern California, 
where she was filming 
The Last of the Cowboys, 
a contemporary comedy 
that stars Henry Fonda. 


Miss Novemben 


Patti McGuire (left) and 
Hope Olson took a trip 
down the Colorado, which 
Patti enjoyed except for 
the part where she was 
frightened by a rattle- 
snake. “The water was 
pretty cold, too, and we 
didn't have a lot of clothes 
оп." Look for Patti and 
Hope's adventures in a fu- 
ture issue of rLaveov. Our 
C.B. Playmate has also 
been keeping busy as an 
election-campaign volun- 
teer and as a model— 
and as a waitress in a St. 
Louis Japanese restaurant. 


Miss Septemben 


Whitney Kaine (right) has 
left UCLA and gone to live 
in a spiritual community on 
500 acres of "beautiful 
country” in Northern Cali- 
fornia. "In Los Angeles, 1 
felt | wasn't doing any- 
thing of value," she says. 
“Here I'll be able to use 
my artistic creativity to 
help develop a new cul- 
ture." Her group—the Vi- 
sion Mound Ceremony, 
which follows the teach- 
ings of Bubba Free John— 
counts approximately 1000 
members throughout the 
world, “about 100 here.” 


Misa Febnuany 


Laura Lyons (far right) 
wasn't feeling much like 
talking when we called. 
She'd just had all four wis- 
dom teeth pulled but did 
manage to mumble some- 
thing about having been 
tied to a tiger shark. “A 
dead one, of course.” 
Turns out her role in the 
film Tintorera calls for her 
to be chewed up by a 
shark. "If the director, 
René Cardona, Jr—his 
dad did Survive—hadn’t 
pushed me into the water 
with some brandy, | don't 
think I could've handled it. 


Miss April 


Denise Michele (left) has 
been commuting between 
Hawaii and California, 
which strikes us as a 
pretty long commute but 
doesn't faze her. “1 spent 
three months doing some 
Polynesian dancing in a 
show for tourists, posed 
for travel brochures and 
hada line ina Hawaii Five- 
О episode,” she says. “1 
did a cover for Robert 
Palmer's new album, too.” 
A trip to Japan last spring 
whetted Denise’s appetite 
for foreign travel; now she 
wants to go to Germany. 


Miss June 


Debra Peterson (right), as 
readers of October's Bun- 
nies of '76 pictorial will 
recall, has been working 
at the Playboy Club in 
Century City—a job that 
won her a bonus in the 
form of a Bunny junket to 
Japan. She's saving up 
her Bunny money with an 
eye to opening a Beverly 
Hills boutique with a girl- 
friend. Besides posing for 
PLAYBOY shootings, Debra 
keeps busy riding her 
thoroughbred, Ambrosia, 
and signing autographs on 
magazine-promotion trips. 


Misa Octoben 


Hope Olson (left) has 
been having fun represent- 
ing playsoy at various 
events—the Eastern States 
Exposition, locally known 
as the Big E, in West 
Springfield, Massachusetts 
(she signed centerfolds in 
a booth shared with author 
Don Pendleton, autograph- 
ing one ot his Executioner 
books) and the СВ, 
Music and Audio Fair in Al- 
buquerque. In between she 
joined November's Patti 
McGuire in an adventurous 
trip down the Colorado 
River—object, a pictorial. 


Miss May 


Patricia McClain (right) 
says 1976 wasn't one 
of her better years—ex- 
cept for her gatefold ap- 
pearance, of course. She 
spent two and а half 
months with her leg in a 
cast, thanks to a freak ac- 
cident; it was fractured 
when she stepped off a 
curb. “Then | was sick. I'm 
just now beginning to be 
able to go out and play.” 
Some radio stations, says 
Patricia, have offered her 
diso-jockey work; but, she 
confides, “I'm not really 
a working sort of person.“ 


Miss August 


Linda Beatty (left), along 
with most of the rest of the 
cast of Francis Ford Cop- 
pola’s forthcoming block- 
buster Apocalypse Now, 
was stranded in a Phil- 
ippine jungle—lashed by 
a typhoon. That, however, 
wasn't all bad, because 
she became friends with 
Lynda (Wonder Woman) 
Carter and landed a small 
part in that TV series’ pre- 
miere episode of the sea- 
son. In Apocalypse Now, 
scheduled for summer re- 
lease, our August Playmate 
plays a U.S.O. entertainer. 


Miss July 
Deborah Borkman's strik- 
ingly unusual good looks 
(left)—as you'll remember, 
she's a mixture of Swedish 
and Japanese ancestry— 
have always made her 
something special. "| won 
my first beauty contest, а 
neighborhood affair, when 
1 was nine," she recalls. 
Since appearing on our 
gatefold, Deborah has 
en much in demand 
or modeling assignments; 
one of them ended up 
on last month's cover 
of PLavBov. Main problem 
now is to find time to relax. 


Misa Manch 


Ann Pennington (right) is 
not one to have her head 
turned by talent scouts. 
“I've had a lot of offers 
for acting, but I'm just not 
interested. | really like 
modeling better." She did 
appear in one film, The 
Winds of Autumn (along 
with Nancy Cameron.and 
Daina House, Misses Jan- 
uary 1974 and January 
1976, respectively), but to 
Ann the year's highlight 
was being voted Best 
Playmate in Japan by the 
readers of rLAveov's flour- 
ishing Japanese edition. 


THE VARGAS GIRL 


“I see you're ready for my next trick." 


the pregnant alderman 


IN THE CITY OF EREIDURG lived a rich alder- 
man. He had been married for 15 years 
but still had no children. This was the 
subject of many a spat between him and 
his wife. Each one blamed the other. 

One day the good wile hired a healthy 
young maid to help with the housework. 
The alderman thought to himself, My 
wife says Im worthless. Let me try it with 
my maid—then we'll see who's to blame! 
He applied himself vigorously, in order 
to win her over. The maid finally listened 
to his urgings and smooth talk. She 
allowed her master tc have his will and he 
caused her stomach to grow. 

Now, however, the laws of the city 
stated that if an alderman commitied 
adultery, he forfeited honor and estate 
What shall I do? thought the poor 
fellow. If I'm found out. it'll go ill for 
me. He went to 
terrible predicament to him. 

The doctor was a clever man. He con- 
soled the alderman and said. "Do not 
despa г! Go home and lie down in your 
bed. Say your stomach pains you very 
much. Have your wife bring some of your 
urine for me to inspect. 

The alderman did all Шаг the doctor 
bid him do. When his wife brought the 
urine for the doctor to examine, the doc- 
tor looked at it carefully and laughed. 
The good wife was afraid, for she knew 
that her husband was very sick. The 
doctor said, "Your husband is very sick 
and has a swollen stomach, because he is 
carrying a child.” 

The wife answered, “Sir, how сап that 
be? Pray. do not jest м 
band is sore ill. 

"I am telling you the 
husband is carrying a child. 
Sir, how can that be? It is impossible. 

The doctor answered. “You women are 
violent. lusty lovers. You try 
and in all positions—that. is 
husband got pregnan 

The good wife reddened and thought 
10 herself, Perhaps it is so. She 
doctor how her husband might be helped. 

‘The doctor told her, "Get a beautiful 
young virgin who has not yet known a 
man and give her to your husband. She 
will immediately receive the child.” The 
wife protested that no virgin would con 
sent ſo such a thing. "Spare no effort 
replied the doctor. “Otherwise, your hus- 
band is done for.” 

Then the doctor si 
maid, don't you 
But she is very virtuous and won't 
hear of such a thing.” 
ry her. "Tell her vou will reward her 
handsomely for saving your husband's 
life and will raise the child as your own 
flesh and blood 

The good wife went home and pleaded 
with the maid, as the doctor had ordered. 


doctor and bared his 


п me—my hu: 


truth—your 


it all ways 
your 


how 


ked the 


l “You have a 


from Rollwagenbuchlein, by Georg Wickram, 1555 


The maid retorted, “Lady, what do you 
think of me? I am leaving this house for 
good.” But the wile begged even harder. 
She promised the maid a rich reward for 


saving her husband and promised to raise 
the child as her owr 
After much ha the maid 


finally consented and lay down with her 
master. The maid received the baby and. 
the alderman quickly recovered. But 
when the maid gave birth in only four 
and а half months, the wife became sus- 


ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD HOLLAND 


Ribald Clas 


ic 


picious and went back to the doctor. 

“How is it.” she asked, “that my maid 
bore the child so quickly? 

The doctor answered, “My dear lady, 
do you wonder at that? You must consider 
that your husband bore the child four 
and a half months and your maid a like 
amount of time 

“How stupid of me not to think of 
that,” replied the woman, and she went 
home contented. 

—Retold by Charles G. Brooks, Jr. EB 


167 


PLAYBOY 


168 ated with such a thing; 


NACGUIRE’S (continued from page 154) 


flinch at Jarge numbers. By afternoon, 
they had $60,000 bet on Jand 
against the Jets. All of New York gam- 
bling heard about the bets and won- 
dered what Peppy and Johnny McGuire 
had on the game. “We got plenty,” Pep- 
py sneered. At Shea Stadium late that 
aftcrnoon, Joe Namath went 10 the left 
side line on his own 42. He threw a pass 
ино the winter wind and cold and 
gloom. He threw from his own 42 down 
the field and clear across it to Don May. 
nard, who caught the ball at the side 
е on the Oakland 10 and went to 
the People still maintain it was the 
greatest pass сусг thrown im football. 
On the next play, Namath, rushed, 
threw the ball as fast as a baseball past 
three Oakland defenders and into May- 
nard's stomach. The touchdown won the 
game for the Jets. 

We're going to make it,” Peppy said. 
Johnny did not answer, He went to a 
doctor that night with severe chest pains 
of undetermined origin. 

They borrowed $40,000 from a Shy- 
lock at the interest rate of two percent 
per week. The Shylock was from the 
Jewish mob, and he w: big as a re- 
frigerator. Every Monday night they were 
10 pay $800 in interest to the Refrigerator. 
If they did not pay, the Refrigerator 
would swing his door into their faces. 

The two borrowed money from a sec- 
ond Shylock ht into а horse 
led Assign n. When the horse ran 
at Santa Anita, they bet $10,000 on 
credit with a bookmaker who could be 
nasty. Late in the afternoon, Lazdro Bar- 
rera, the trainer, called from the track in 
19 
The horse dropped dead,” Laz said. 

“That's all right; he probably needed 
the race, We'll bet him next time,” Pep- 
py said. Johnny, paling, felt new twinges 
n his chest. 

"No, the horse actually dropped dead," 
Laz stid. 

Johnny had a hand over his mouth 
as he headed for the men's гоо! 

‘Two years ago, Peppy became gravely 
ill. He died staring at the telephone in 
the hospital room. 

Johnny McGuire was left with a shut- 
off notice from the gas company, im- 
plied threats from the Refrigerator and 
five guys at the bar arguing over Tom 
Seaver of the Mets, Johnny tried to hold 
out, but he could not do it the old мау, 
boys and girls. 

Now, alone at the bar, watching Vito 
work, Johnny was confused. He needed 
his old enthusiasm to keep the place 
alive. But how could he have any drive. 
when everybody was telling him, “How 
could you have your family name associ- 


“What time is it?” Vito asked. 

“Seven fifteen,” Johnny said. 

“What if I stay another hour?” Vito 
said. 


ine,” Johnny said. Bartenders were 
setting up for the night. Customers 
would be in soon and Johnny wanted 
one suaight guy around him on this 
night While gay saloons have to be 
cleaner than the average saloon—John- 
nys bartenders were busy placing flow- 
ers around the bar—he knew customers 
wouldn't mind some chipped plaster as 
long as it signified something that soon 
would be more pleasing architecturally. 

“Now, you understand that the people 
coming in are a bit gay,” Johnny said 
to Vito. 

“Won't bother me,” Vito said. 

“L just don't want you getting upset," 
Johnny said. 

"Don't worry, I сап handle anything,” 
Vito said. 

Vito the workm 
hair matted, face and arms glistei 
with sweat. 

The first knots of customers glided 
into the saloon. Foremost among arrivals 
was Dominguez the Haird hips and 
arms writhing to the music filling the 
place. Dominguez the Hairdresser had 
short copped black hair, earrings for 
pierced cars and а counterful of jewelry 
on his wrists and fingers Dominguez 
smiled happily to the music. Then 
Dominguez saw Vito the workman. 

“That body is not to be believed,” 
Dominguez said. 

“What did you say?” Vito glared down. 

“I said, that body simply is not to be 
believed.” 

Vito was down from the ladder, work 
boots thumping on the floor, hands out to 
destroy- Johnny got an arm between 
Vito and Dominguez the Hairdresser. 

"Vito, come on, now, 1 told you. 
‘That's the way it goes," Johnny s 

Flames went out in Vito's eyes. He 
shrugged, grunted and went back up the 
ladder. 

Dominguez the II. 
shoulder. Primitive 
flounced to the far end of the b: 

A half hour later, Vito came down 
from the dumb-waiter. "Now I could use 
that drink." 

“Terrific,” Johnny McGuire said. 

Vito had aquavit with a bottle of Tu- 
borg Bcer as a chaser. This is a combina- 
tion that could put a hole in the Grand 
Coulee Dam. “Give us another, 
kept saying. 

Alcohol relaxed Vito. The gays arr 
ing, waving, blowing kisses to one anoth- 
cr, holding hands, pecking didn't bother 
him as they would if he were sober. 
Johnny McGuire was saying how the 


gays, when out in the street, were som- 
ber and troubled. “The whole world 
gels on them, you know. These guys are 
oppressed.” 

Vito agreed. He had another aquavit. 
Halfway through the beer, he looked 
down the bar. "Hey!" 

"Yes, hon?“ Dominguez 
dresser said. 

“I want to apologize and buy you a 
drink.” 

“Why, of course" Dominguez slid 
down the bar. Vito said he was sorry, he 
had been а little tired. Dominguez said, 
don't be silly, everybody has problems. 
Why, only y there were these 
six women in to have their hair done all 
at once and when they began complain- 
ing about the wait, Dominguez explod- 
ed. "I told them,” he was saying to Vito. 
Т threw the comb down and I said, 
"Fuck you all." And I walked out.” 
hat’s how to tell off anybody," Vito 
said. “Good boy, Have another dri 

Johnny McGuire started to talk about 
news from Rhodesia. Vito never noticed 
him leave, When Johnny came back, Vito 
and Dominguez were talking about 
watches. The bar was crowded and 
Johnny could only get an elbow in. "Let's 
have a drink,” he said. 

"Fm just dying for a joint" Domi 
guez said. “Care to join?" 

“Absolutely,” Vito said. 

He walked out to smoke on the side- 
walk, walked out as if he didn't know 
Johnny. 

The place was crowded by now and 
Johnny, half stiff with whiskey, lost 
wack of time and motion. He did not 
know how long Dominguez and Vito 
stayed out on the sidewalk. But the next 
time he saw them, it was obvious that 
whatever the whiskey had not done to 


the Hair- 


Vito, the pot had. Here were Vito and 
the 


there on dance 


roll 


Dominguez, ou 
floor, Vito's ey 


‘Anybody who doesn’t like what I'm 
Vito roared to Johnny, “if they 
don't like it, they с 

"It's Vito's coming-out party!” Domin- 
guez squeale 
They can go screw!” Vito roared. 

His work boots thumped on the floor 
and Johnny McGuire ran to the bar and 
pushed through for a drink. The hell 
with people, he told himself, he was go- 
ing to run the liveliest gay place in New 
York. 

Dominguez captured the costume ball 
prize at McGuire's last July. He went as a 
pineapple. Vito was seen in the gay-libera- 
tion march at the Democratic National 
Convention. And ns, Johnny Me 
Guire’s place is so big with gays that now 
he is known as the King of Queens. 


go and——" 


BLANKET APPROVAL 


a wild and woolly brace of outercoats that 
are too good for horses 


who's obviously 

cuddled up with 
something other thon 

a good book, is wearing 
о wool hooded parka, by ч 
Europa Sport, $75; Shetlond wool crew- 

neck, by Broemar Internotionol, obout $25; ploid/ 

cotton fionnel shirt, by Bert Pulitzer, $32.50; and cotton slocks, by Gont, 
$37.50. His close friend is Joyne Marie Mansfield, who's keeping worm in o 
his/hers Indion-blonker coot, by Michoel-McCobe, abou! $350. Pleasant dreams! 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARIO CASILLI 


169 


PLAYBOY 


170 


MR. DEATH м...» 


purpose was to be sown by air in vast 
es as an area-denial system. They 
. When stepped on, they det- 
onated and would shatter every bone in 
your foot. Actually, my task was to de- 
velop a disarm system. because of a 
meeting in which I had asked a casual 
question. like, “Hey, if you sow thirty- 
jllion-willion Gravel. Mines and you go 
10 take the territory again. what is every- 
body going to do, walk on stilt: 
Q: Was this work for the institute or for 
the CI 
A: Again, it was both. My job was to 
develop a disarm system. I made some 
Gravel Mines that w conventional in 
the sense that they functioned as they were 
apposed to. I also made some for the CIA 
t contained poisoned gl igments. 
others that would appear to be 
disarmed but were not. With one system, 
the Gravel Mine would change color if 
it was disarmed. So 1 made some that 
ge color but not really be 
I made them by hand and 
delivered them to my contact in М 
House coffee cans. For some sti 
son, that was specified. Sealed in the cans. 
The ii ute had no knowledge of it. I 
had to buy the Maxwell House coffee, 
open the cans, resolder them, sand them 
ad repaint them so they looked as if 
they hadn't been tampered with. Why, 1 
don't know. I understand (hat in Guam, 
where vel Mines are still stored in 
set huts, some of them have 
n the magazines. They're 
manufactured wet and if they dry out, 
then they are armed. Apparently, ıhat 
happened there. Makes for an interesting 
problem. I think what you do is push the 
land away with a big stick. 

Q: Was the mine ever used? 

Jesus Christ. yes. Vietnam must be one 
large Gravel Mine. It wasn't a lethal 
thing. It just pulverized every bone in 
your foot. I mean to jelly. A nasty bas- 
d. I know because I saw them tested, 
which was truly horrible. 

о: How did you test them? 

A: We had to take severed legs from 
cadavers—which were, incidentally, legs 
olen from guys killed in Vietnam. Their 
families were told the legs were lost in 
combat. Anyway, we'd put a foot in a 
egulation Army sock, insert that in a 
combat boot and then rig it to a machine 
that applied it to the Gravel Mine with 
the force of a 170-pound man stepping 
so disgusted when we 
nished that job that w ed up a 
batch of straight 200-proof ethanol. with 
I got sto d and so did 
We took ft truck, went 
йог» supply area and took 


ub 
I made 


lass fra 


my buddy 
into the 


ош a 55gallon drum of concentrated de- 
tergent. Outside, there were huge foun- 
tains, In the summertime, they were 
turned off in the wee hours of the morn- 
ing and then turned on again about 5:30 


or six o'dock. They were off, so we took 
the drum out and dumped the entire con- 


tents imo the biggest fountain, right in 
the middle of the road. Then we waited 
for the sun to come up while we were 
singing and dancing and carrying on. 
When those fountains came on, the Great 
Amoeba Caper started. A wall of foam 
12 feet high erupted and began creeping 
across the road. It was absolutely impene- 


trable. Traffic stopped. It was magnificent 
to behold. 
o: ying that you dea 


with only three basic types of systems. 
There was а lot of talk about drugs dur- 
ing the Church investigations. Were you 
ever asked to work with drugs? 

Only twice that I remember. My con- 
tact brought me half a gram of LSD 
led 
ich other, delivered in the lunchroom of 
the institute. Normally. his manner was 
4. In this case, he 
was edgy. This was in the Fifties and 1 
had no idea what LSD was, I had to 
pump him for information. Finally, he 
started me а skeleton outline. 
That specific job gave me the very dis- 
tina, creepy feeling that it was under the 
counter even for them. | didn’t know 
what the hell he was handing me. If its 
botulismus toxin or something, screw you, 
Jack, 1 don’t even want to get near the 
container. But, at any rate, he finally 
handed it to me. Well, I loaded LSD 
onto cough drops and rescaled the pack- 
ages. 1 put it into cough syrup. I had a 
whole box of Neo-Synephrine spray bot- 
tes that 1 loaded. Mostly cold remedies. 
ө: What dosage were you using? 

A: Enormous dosage. Probably wipe you 
out forever. 


giving 


о: You mentioned two instances. What 
was the other drug you worked with? 
a: The other was called BZ, and 1 


wouldn't ever want to get dosed with 
that. It was something like LSD, but the 
dosage was much lower and you had to 
work with it in a glove box, because it was 
administered by breathing. I saw some 
very frightening films of soldiers who had 
been given BZ. The guys were reduced 
to catatonics. They would just sit there, 
with no control over bodily 
Unless they were given com- 
"Get up" or “Put your hel- 
at which point they would go 
the guy who 
effect, I under- 


met or 
berscrk and attempt. to 
had given the order. Thi 
stand, lasted weeks. 


the purpose of working with 


BZ? 
a: Area denial, 1 would imagine. Chemi- 


cal warfare, that sort of thing. 
9: Did you design anything for domestic 
use? 
It 
worked w. 
be those s 


k just about everything I had 
h up until the LSD and m 
ke pens was not for use in the 


U. S. But 1 think that the pens were used 
here. Don't ask me why, but I got the 
feeling that it was а local 


really impressed me as being somethi 
that even they were nervous about. And 
you're not going to find your basic Mus- 
covite taking Neo-Synephrine or Vicks 
cough drops 

о: When did you work with the BZ? 

A: Near the end of the Fifties, I think. 
Sometime near the end of my stint with 
the [delete] Institute. 

What made you leave the institute? 

А: I began getting disgusted around 1960. 
It had nothing to do with CIA types or 
anybody else around. I was getting very 
unhappy. First of all, by that time, my 
psyche was really fucked up. My mar- 
riage fell apart. And I had been eating 
1 is now known as speed. 

Where did you get spee 
From the CIA. It was an auxiliary 
ice. Meprobamates—Miltown, down- 
ers—and speed. I initially got some from 
doctor, bur even in those days, there 
were only so many times you could refill 
a prescription. And one day Т casually 
asked my contact if he could help me 
with that. Well, he brought bottles that 
were like industrial mayonnaise jars. And 
very deadpan, he said, “Is this enough 
1 was on speed for about two and a half 
years. ГА wake up in the morning and 
have three cups ol coffee and а palmful 
of Dexedrine. I must have been taking 
sublethal doses. I think the turning point 
came when I m arp girl. She 


Q: 


le me realize a lot of things. T started 
to reappreciate the fact that T was really 
leche and that I 


had been taking all that energy and sub- 
limat elsewhere, I had forgotten 
how good fucking could be. That kind of 
woke me up. Then she gently pointed 
out to me that 1 was killing myself with 
speed. Finally. one week T took off and 
locked myself in my apartment and 
kicked it—absolute cold turkey- 
ө: How bad was the withdrawal? 
a: The word agony is not good 
Most of what I remember was 
trollable muscle spasm: 
distressing. Nausea. Oh, 
head—thoughts racing, ju 
control of mysell. I was very sick, but I 
was also very determined. Because I knew 
if 1 was going to continue with speed, it 
(continued on page 196) 


nough. 


uncon- 


nausea, / 


SOCIAL UPLIFT FOR COMRADES 


THE @®лчБОЧ ADVISOR 


PP kase to help! What is cheap way to 
have sex but no children 1. N., Omsk. 
Cheapest way is being called rhythming 
method. Is simple, cost nothing When 
making sex with wife, turn on phono- 
graph record with good, lively beat on 
him. Tap foot to rhythming while sex 
making. Best is polka or Russian folk 
song. Also good is Soviet national an- 
them, but is difficult to make sex while 
standing, no? (This is joke here.) 


Ann tourist guide for Western capi 
ists and was showing peoples from Cleve 
Land sights of Moscow and grew warm 
for girl in tour group. I ask when alone 
if she to drink vodka and такс 
sex. She say, “Go fuck with yourself, 
bozo.” 1 find out what fuck on myself 
mean and ty for many nights to perform 
Western sex act this way. 1 break arm 
and sprain neck. Is something only West- 
erners can do?—P. V., Moscow. 

Is true Westerners make with 
themselves. Is why they have not so many 
good scientists, only foolish people 


wish 


sex 


AAG restaurant other night, waiter ask 
what 1 should want for wine with din- 
ner. I cat cabbage and bowel sausage 
with lump sugar dessert. What is good 
wine to order? Is vodka wrong wine: 
R. V., Leningrad. 

Vodka is not correct wine for bowel 


Sood domestic gray wine from 
very much good or, if you're 
to spending more, buy delicate 
imported Bulgarian Elk wine. Nicest of 
color and strong odor, great personality, 
great character, cleans teeth at same time. 


sausage. 
Georgia 
wanting 


This summer, am planning nice vaca- 
tion trip to Moscow. For this am needi 
What style clothes Soviet 
ng in city2—O. V., 


new wardrobe. 
cool cats be wei 
Minsk. 


Many good-looking types. Soviet man 
now have prosperity enough to own two 
pair pants, extra shirt and two pair socks. 
This summer, urban cool cats be weari 
nifly striped sporting jacket with inch- 
wide lapel, striped buttoning-down shirt 
with collar on, bow tie with dots prefer- 
ably, shiny pair blue pants which go 
down to shins only, white socks and new 
kind brown-leather shoes with slot in for 
keeping coins. Is sounding snappy, no? 


Some nights past, I ask woman to take 
off arm underhair, I think naked under 
the arm is big sex thrill. She say I 
should go to hospital to have mind fixed 
for saying sick thing. Should I need mind 
fixing for thinking naked under the arm 
ѕехуг—Р. I. Warsaw. 

Is perfectly OK to have naked under 
arm woman, Is very much sexy to some 
mens, but must remind that losing hair 
under arm also loses sexy aroma which 
builds up over months. 


ММ... please to advise, is best turning 
table to buy for high-fidelity music ma- 
chinez—L. H., Putsk. 

Best is high-costing turning table being 
manufactured in Bulgaria. Is costing 2100 
zlotych, is light, is perfect in every way 
except is turning in wrong direction, so 
records are not sounding good. 


ery much funny eror appear in 
Pravda when Marshal Tito vis 
Soviet Union! Official guide, Inga Sminsi 
e Tito and wife to factory and beneath 
photo in newspaper is error: INGA SMINSK 
DISPLAYS PAIR OF TITOS AT FACTORY. 
. 

Is not true all Americans have big 
K.G.B. agents report that when 
big-time American come on trip business, 
they see through keyhole American wom- 
an undress and sce also that she have 
underwear with great hole in crotch! No 
money to buy wife new underpants! 

. 


money! 


Big joke fire back! At party in Moscow 
tment, тап think would be good 
joke to throw womens out of window 14 
es high. Womens think funny also. 


172 Big joke until womens fall оп car of 


"ILAHEO' AFTER CURFEW 


K.G.B. deputy. Man is taken to prison 
and womens are fired from jobs and 
children taken away from. 
А 

New crazy fad from university is to 
swallow alive sturgeon fish. Org Stoltz 
makes most fish swallow with 23. He 
say, "We uy first fad to see how much 
peoples can fit in car, but can find no car. 
Plenty sturgeon to find.” 

б 

Who is that say Americans know good 
deal when they see? American tourist 
meets man from Minsk who have at 
home five daughters virgins. American 
makes with daughters sex. For sex he 
gives father dozen packs Wrigley chew- 
ings gum and Bic pen. Father say, “Man 
is finished with sex, but I chew gum and 
ust pen for many month. 


NYET-SKID CONDOM 


Is made from heavy-duty tire rubber, is com- 
fortable, comes also with steel beſteg radials 
or studs for winter use! Is fitting all sizes, 
gives good traction, is guaranteed for 300 
limes or one year, whichever is coming first! 


ЧІ.ЛЧБОЧ INTERVIEW: ALEXANDR KRZHYZKI 


candid-conversation talk with bigmouth soviet dissident leader 


af | 


“Lasi week I was filthy, disgusting dissi- “Soviet government convinced me that it "I spit on peoples who are defecting to 
dent leader, but now Гат happily work- is government of peoples, by peoples and West! Soviet Union is good! Long live 
ing for Soviet Union and its peoples!” for peoples. Is free country here.” Soviet Union and its friendly leaders!” 


JLANBO4 PAD: ES 


ELEGANT? YOU BET! 


or 


ney, swingers men! Here now is much again with chair in and private bath- Now, whot is this? Is 
romantic setting for seducing of sexy room with automatic toilet! What is such best part of luxury 
womens! Which Soviet girl would be not spacious place as this costing? Only 7000 pod of which Yuri is 
strongly impressed by place such as this rubles per monthly! Kitchen have for most proud and 
onc? Is what in West is being called features all of modern Soviet conven- grateful to Soviet sci- 
“understating of elegance.” Is owned by  iences—stove with two burners working, —— entists for inventing! 
First Deputy Commissar of Arts and Con- refrigerator and machine for automatic is cutomotic toilet for 
cete Yuri Kutchakokov, who is here in making of coffee! At right corner side is doing rid of yech. Is 
photograph (above) enjoying leisurely rec room, which has for main feature working like mogie— 
glass vodka with favorite of playmates. sterco radio! Radio have many power for Yuri must only pull 
Сеул Roxoll. From left side to right is: loudness and receive both channels. Cost lightly on chain and 
sitting room with chair in, kitchen for ошу 45,000 zlotych! Smart comrade order mess is going awoy 


cooking of Soviet gourmet dinner, living him today. have for 1988. How can or- through pipe ond into 
room with picture of landscape above, dinary Soviet citizen get great pad such Lake Lenin! “Girls 
bedroom with picture of Lenin above, as this? By being friendly with someone very much like auto- 
deu, rec room, lamp room, sitting room high up in Politburo. matic toilet,” Yuri sey. 


PARTY LINE JOKES 


We are hearing it requires five Ameri- 
cans to put light bulb into socket. One 
American to put in bulb and four Amer- 
icans 10 beg on streets for single light 
bulb which are so few of only rich cap- 
italists have, 


Once was there a comrade named Serge 
With trouble controlling his urge. 

He made forward pass 

4t Chairman's wife's ass, 
So he was shot. 


Unabashed Dictionary describe whore 
as woman who make scx for money! 


Girl is laying in bed with boy and boy 
looks upon tits of girl and very stupid 
boy say, "What is it that those are?” And 
girl say, "Is my headlights.” 

looks down on boys 1 
stick and say stupidi 
Boy say, “Is sedan." Then boy points to 
girl's legs and say, “What is hole there?” 


and girl say, “Is garage.” Boy laugh and 
say, "IE I lick headlights, you lct me park 
sedan in garage?” (Not finished yet.) Girl 
ay, "Only yes if you don't Ícave oil 
stain!” (More laugh yet to go.) Boy sty, 
faybe I leave stain in other garage be- 
hind.” Girl, not laughing, say, "You park 
there, secret police tow sedan away.” 


Unabashed Dictionary describe well hung 
as what is happening to defectors who are 
being caught. 


Bigshot commissar is being served nice 
soup course at fourredstar restaurant 
in Moscow. Takes one look at borscht 
and is crying out: “Waiter, is no fly here 
in soup!” Waiter be hurrying back to 
kitchen to get fly for commissar’s soup! 


Beautiful girl is secing secret-police friend 
on Moscow street and is saying to him: 
Д Boris, is that pistol in your pocket 
or are you happy of seeing All of 
а sudden. then, is loud gunshot sound 
tiful girl is falling dead on 


WHAT KIND FROM MAN READ ILAYBOY? 


15 happily working, good-looking fellow who is enjoying best things 
from life—like potatoes and socks not made from burlap! He 


174 is owning .08 cars, .03 refrigerators and .01 stereo machines. 


VLADIMIR DIMNIKOV 


Is no greater author in world than Dim- 
nikov, who has made books like Hamlet, 
Moby Dick, Jaws. “Words are in blood 
say Dimnikov. “I can write book like 
Ragtime in morning and do Dimnikov 
Book from World Records at night.” But 
Western cap l Dimni 
kov's work, sell for great money, not pay 
Dimnikov. Is pity. Now Dim 
creily working on big blockbursting 
book—is story of boy who go down 
Volga on boat—is being called Huck 
berry Petrovitch. 


alist thieves st 


эм e- 


| NICOLAI PIZTOV 


Much praising is throughout Soviet Union 
for brave, patriotic cosmonaut Nicolai 
| Piztov, who is now proudly 
world's record for orbiting in 
space—14 years continuously in small 
Soviet spacecraft of whom, unfortunate- 
ly. radio transmission is not working. Bur 
not to worry! Brave cosmonaut is A-OK! 
Latest photograph оѓ 
(above) show that health is good and 
spirits very hight 


holding 
outer 


space Piztov 


OLGA! 


our january workmate 
make things to 
grow high 


IN ALL of Soviet Union is existing no 
better exampling of beauty and perfec 
tion than Olga. Jewel of Ukraine! All 
day she love making with hard work in 
fertile farm fields. To touch rich soil of 


Soviet Union is what she is being made 
doing many things—she is 


lizer, helping with harvest ol 
big Soviet wheat crop which is being sold 
rubles to hungry Americans 
wy loads through fields, and 
many acres wheat which is later 
being harvested and sold for many rubles 
10 hungry Americans. All farmers from 
all over Soviet are much admiring Olga 
to mount her. And why 
sking? Olga, as you are 
ng in photographs here, is some well 
built piece! Have sturdy frame, firm and 
preity seat, one real classy chassis. nice 


and are want 


we are 


Get a loading of this, comrade farmers! Is 
side view 
in wheat field, recharging her batteries in 
preparation of heavy work ta come, Or per- 


ht) of Olga resting peacefully 


haps she is maybe waiting for eoger form- 
er to come and mount her. Who is knawing? 


headlights d best-looking knobs in all 
of Soviet! Soviet farmers are surely know 
ing good thing when they see! And great 
many farmers have had Olga for work 
mate. Originally coming from small fac 
tory town outside Kiev, Olga has worked 
in many farms and even once was model 
in Peoples’ Othcial 
Moscow. where f 
mire her parts 
farmworker.” say Ukraine farmer 
Ivanovitch. "Every Soviet 


rming Exhibition in 
mers have came to ad 
Iga is good, 


rmer should 


be having her!” You are better to be 


believing ir. comrades! 


Front view of Olga (left) is showing only 
one headlight. Back view (below) is showing 
sturdy rear end and nice firm sect. You bet! 


TOUCH МЕ FEEL ME... 


woman in white «оез. She has two 
white Afghan hounds beside her. The 
behind her is another woman in white 
leather and two other Afghans. And 
other. Still others, There is g line of 
and dogs fadi e shadows, 
d the girl cannot see where ir ends. 
The women start getting the dogs ex- 
cited. Meanwhile. the page boys anoint 
the g h oil and the dogs 
begin to mount her, one after the other. 
When it is ove s released. 


PLAYBOY 


"s torso. wi 


‚she 


PATTI 

Pani, who lives with a member of a 
famous motorcycle hay agreed to 
an interview about her sexual life as his 
“old lady"—on terms that she can never 
be identified. So the 
ducted in darkness. 

Its not 


етуй 


t she's wonied. she 
а low, husky voice. “I'm not going to say 
anything bad about them. 1 think theyre 
the only real men left in this world, and 
I'm proud of them. 

“In the gang, there are the old ladies 
and the mamas. Now, the old lady is her 
old mans property. She can't screw 
around with anyone else. She has to take 
ud his kids, if he 


саге of her old man 


has 


The т 
they are prost 
old lady and Fi in the mood to be 
euren. well. my old man can go to the 
mama. She's there for the sexual satis- 
faction of the entire group. Even the 
women.” she adds quickly. “If a dude is 
out of town on business and his old lady 
gets hung up, she сап have sex with the 
nd there won't be any repercus- 
sions. But it’s always the n who 
makes love 10 the old lady: The mama 
satisfies her.” 

Sometimes а member of 
cycle gang rapes someone's old lady and 
then there's a real kickoff. One time, 
some local thugs grabbed one old lady 
in a supermarket and threw her into 
their car, took her home aud had her. 


y often 
D 


are different. Vci 
ites, Now, say I'm 
i 


ma 


rival motor- 


The motorcycle dudes eventually found 


nd tore th 


ош who these thugs were 
houses apart. 

For all this old-fashioned protection of 
old ladies, the mamas ger none. "A mama 
is usually initiated by the men, with the 
rest of the group watching. My old man 
found a mama who was a Berkeley prosti 
тше and brought her back to the club. 
I immediately read him the riot act for 
doing it, because he was mine. But he 
reminded me it w for him. We were 
short of мопс! the ume; of the 21 
ith- 


guys in our group, there were eight. 
178 Out old ladies. 


(continued from page H6) 


nd all of the 
v way they felt 


guys screwed her in eve 


like, and they made her perform all dif- 
ts to prove that 
she was worthy of becoming a ma 


Obedi 
Like, 
old 

asshole, the mama 


if 


man 


iving he 
blow job or out his 
is made to do it. Also. 
she docs all the cooking and deaning, 
and if we need а baby sitter, she has 10 
do that. She is literally a slave.” 


the clubs have to rae some 
‚ they often sell their mamas fo 
ht, for a month or forever. “She 


Пу has no say in the matter. She ha 
10, whether she wants 10 or not. Also. i 
one group, there was а bust for dope 


d 
the mama had to take the blame. She went 


10 jail for the club." 

Fa mamas most commoi 
but there are some male mamas, 100. 

А lot of gay guys really get off on the 
toughness of the men. The men call 
them every degrading пате a homosex- 
ual can be called and those gays lov 
every minute of it.” 

Couples live big house with the 
single men. Most of the couples sleep 
a lunge room, with blankets separatir 


ale 


аге 


is wo such 0 


privacy. 
When the guys are in the mood. they just 
en down. Sometimes they 


perform specifically for the purpose of 
exhibiting their skill. Sometimes an old 
lady nearby will sty to her old man, 
Why сапа you do th lite that 
Everybody screws at once, but there is 
no switching, not ever 

Although in public Patti never argues 
with her old whenever they have 
the privacy of a bedroom, she power 
plays head games with him 

The standard old lady is quite con- 
tent to lie in bed and let her old man 
screw her, usually in the old missionary 
n. When it is all over, she sighs a 
I was never satisfied with 
this. 1 spoil my old man rotten, but when 
we are alone, I get him so high on me 
that he usually begs me to make him 
climax. 1 give him this super back rub— 
there lot of nerve endings in а 
man’s back—and he begs me to go down 
; VI do it later, when I'm 
he really 
going to let him hang like 
d he got really supermad. But 
п he realized that he could screw the 
out of me when I was ready. he liked 
it | like him to beg lor it, especially 
because he . He's over 
six feet, six. 

The obvious power play to this а 


such a big m 


delights her old man in private only. In 
public, everything is different. “Some 
mes I tease him when we are eating 
We all cat together, and 1 say 
І wonder whether he's going to 
tonight, to do it. He's bee 
lenient lately I think he's getting old or 
something.” Everybody knows I'm teasing 
Bur he has to show them that he's 
so he grabs me and rapes me 
nd there. And Ilove it, every 
ol it.” 


the old Ladies fight for their 
once. we were all sitting 
nd а local decided 
So I went > their 


so 


and drink 
to hassle 
lcader a 
my old man should di 
ГП take you dowi 
ther girls we 


us. over 


very i; 
d said, "We're n 
fight ladies” And 1 said, “Yes. you'll 
us, because we won't ler our old 
dinty their hands. So we started to ta 
the motorcycle chains from our waists- 
Fhe old ladies usually wear these when 
the hikes are parked.” she explain: nd. 
you get those swun 1 don't 
care how strong. you are, you're going to. 
go down. Well. they р; 
Then they walked out, 
dudes really broke up 
I'd don 

Although. chains 
ang fights, the me iot use them 
the women. ~ They dont want to т 
the merchand Pani explains. 


goi 


men 


g ar you 


ve us the respect 
nd all of our 
what 


weapon 


3 he 
only time Tve seen motorcycle chains 


used on моте 
en in a rival gang fight” 

Раш explains some other gang cus 
toms. Besides the embroidered insig 
of the club, the men cm carn all sorts of 
added medals. 

"Its like the boy scouts or 
caning certain badges. Dur 
When a girl has her period, i 
courage 10 ci 
a medal that way 

Patti feels her ga 
American m: 


has been by other wom- 


irl scou 
ig the times 


ese men are supe 
women are very, very 
ing about the rest 
ad the recklessness of these m 
that brings something out i 


lessuess i 


the women 


It's like the women who used to f 
the gladiators back in the days of ai 
Rome. The same type of supe 


the brutality aura which tu 
en on. And the macho in 
the club walks into a 
colors, the entire room st cn 
not knowing whether they're going to 
fight or smile. That kind of power is 


thrilling. 


5 most wom- 
с. Like, when 


room wearing its 


nds. 


SEBASTIAN 
THE CAT 


fiction 


By EVAN HUNTER 


i loved sebastian the cat, 
and now, like 
everything else in my life, 
he was dying 


1 HEARD the burglar-alarm siren 
the moment I turned the 
corner into my street. I im. 
mediately looked at the dash- 
board clock. The time was 25 
minutes past five. I could not 
imagine why the siren was 
going or why Reginald Soames 
was standing on the sidewalk 
in front of my house, together 
with a handful of other neigh- 
bors. The sound of the siren 
was piercing. I pulled into my 
driveway, got out of the car 
and immediately said, “Wh: 
is it? Has someone broken ii 

“The police have already 
been here" Reggie shouted. 
“Couldn't turn the damn thing 
oll. 

“Were the keyholders here?” 

“The what?” 

“The keyholders. There're 


ILLUSTRATION БҮ ERALDO CARUGATI 


PLAYBOY 


180 


two of them. If the alarm goes off- 
“Couldn't turn it off!" Reggie shouted. 
“The keyholders? 
“The police.” 
someone try to break in? 
Your daughter hit the panic button 
“What? My dau 
“The cat got run over.” 
“Sebastian 
“Run over by a car. Your daughter hit 
the panic button, figured that'd bring the 
police.” 
Where’ 


s my wife? 


“Don't know where she is. Mrs. Tan- 
nbaum drove your daughter and the 
to the ус! 
Been 
ET 


mad as hell. 
the office, 
sailing on 


Police w 
trying to get you 
nior, von shouldn't be o 


workday. 

“What vet did they take him to, do 
you know?” 

"Haven't the faintest. You'd better 


tum that siren off: Mi. Ziprodt up the 
block's got a bad heart." 

“Thanks,” I said. 

The front door was unlocked. I went 
directly through the house to the utility 


closet and searched for my key. The siren 
was still screaming, but I finally found 
the key, opened the front panel of the 


burglaralarm control box and reset the 
system but not the alarm. This had to be 
done whenever the panic button was hit. 
1 slammed the panel shut and went im- 
tely to the phone in the study. 

п personal method of record 
ag telephone numbers was 
unique and, to say the least, peculiar. The 
plumber, for example, whose name was 
Harry Rausch, was listed not under R for 
usch nor even under P for Plumber. 
Instead, he was listed under 5 for Service, 
together with a motley crowd of clec- 
wricians, carpenters, baby sitters, garden- 
ers and even physicians. I'd forgotten the 
name of our vet and I turned to the Ss 
now, hoping Susan might have listed him 


there among all the other people she 
considered se 
bers for 


ice people. I found num- 
dry cleaner, two dentists, an 
ion repairma 
tologist, a roofer 
ctor—but no veterinarian. 
and searched through 
there but found 
vaguely 


cater 
nd a chirop 
I turned to the V: 
the dozen or so listing 
that sounded ev 
familiar. In desperation, 
Susan, I turned to C for € 
J put the book back into the top drawer 
of the desk ached for the Sarasota 
telephone director 

In the Yellow Pages between the Sara 
sota and Bradenton sections of the 
directory, I found under vETERTNARIANS— 
рум at least a dozen listings. I scanned 
them quickly, found one that sounded 
familiar, dialed the number and asked for 
Dr. Roessler 

“Dr. Roessler is in surgery, sir." 

“Who's this I'm speaking to, pl 


nd 


“Miss Hilmer. 

liss Hilmer, this is Matthew Hope: 

Ym calling about a gray tabby named 

Sebastia y р 
“Ves, sir, the cat's here. 
“How is he 
"He's being operated on now, sir.” 
“Can you tell me what . . . how bad is 


“Hi is torn, Mr. Hope. The 
lungs and heart are exposed. Dr. Roes- 
sler is dosing the wound nov 

“Thank you; could I. . . is my daughter 


prn 


“Honey, Im on my wa 
there for me.” 
“Dad,” she х 


you just w: 


„т 


nk he’s going to 


“Well, we don’t know that, honey.” 
“I tried calling; where were you 
"With a client.” 

"Cynthia said you were on a boat.” 

“Yes, I went there 10 talk to someone. 
Honey. is Mrs. Tannenbaum still there 
with you? 

“Yes. Did you want to talk to her? 
vo. thar's all right. But please 
in T get 
Where's Mommy?" 


k her 
there, would you? 


“L think she went to the beauty parlor; 
I'm not sure, 
“All right, honey, III see you in a 


few minutes.” 
"Do you know how to get he 
"It's near Southgate, isn't it? 


it when I sce it. G'bye, 


Bye, Dad,” she said, and hung up. 
. 

АН the way to the vers, I kept thinki 
of Sebastian. 

On the day before wed taken him 
into the family, Susan had gone down to 
the basement of our house in Chicago 

ad found herself face to face with a rat 
the size of - Brazen bastard 
got up on I d snarled and 


squealed, se ming up out of 
the cellar to consult her Hlinois Service 
listings. She phoned an exterminator, 


came that afternoon to seed the 
basement floor with poison pellets. Trou: 
ble was, we had a five-year-old daughter 


"t like the idea of all that 


who 


ly she might be vis 
Susan beg: 
possible dang 


ing the basement. 
g when I suggested the 
to Joanna, immediately 


- I told her she'd 


done exactly the right thing but tha 
at might be a safer deterrent than scat- 
ed poison patties. 

What I had in mind was a big cat. 

1 suppose the range of animals varies 
at any given shelter on any given day 
Oi ticular day in March, seven 


years ago, there were two cats, 11 kittens. 
five mongrel dogs and the most beautiful 
thoroughbred boxer I'd ever scen. Sebas: 
1 was one of the cats, ап enormous 
ıbby with darker-gray stripes, white 
ws on his face, markings that 
looked like white socks on all four pa 

‘The one on his right hind paw seemed 
to have slipped to his ankle, He was 
prowling the topmost shelf of a cage that 
con rate litters of kittens 
and a scrawny Siamese that not only was 
cross-eyed but looked mangy as well 
Sebastian paced the shelf like a tiger. 
looked fierce and proud and I was сє 
he was the best ratcatcher who'd ever 
ked a basement. "Hey, there,” 
and he looked at me with the greenest 
eyes Id ever seen on man or beast and 
ve a short “Meow,” and I fell in love 
with thar big old pussycat right then and 
there. Susan had wandered down to the 
other end of the room, where she was 
looking at the boxer. I called her over 
and she studied Sebasti ame 
and ne, as 
n't even Sebastian. 

enough,” 


we didn't yet know 


she said. 

“Look at those green eyes, Su 

“Мт,” she said. 

"Lets find out why he's here. М 
he ate his former owners.” 

We went outside to where a young n 
was filling out papers behind a desk. 1 
asked him about the big gray tabby. W: 
there anything wrong with him? 

о. the mother was allergic to him, 
he said. 

The cats mother; 
No. the mother i 
test cat. Not a il 
What's his nam 
Sabbatical.” 

“What? 

“Yeah, 
mother.” 

"That's no name,” 1 

“Well, that’s Ліз name. 

Susan and I went back 
The cat was still up there on the top 
shelf, licking himself dean now. We stood 
outside the cage, w 

What do you thin 


the family. He's the 
ag wrong with him.” 


shes a schoolteach 


“Well, I don't know,” Susan 1 
was hoping we'd find a whit 

“Is he huge, or am I dr 

"He's enormous. 

"Hey, Sebast cat 


meowed a 
Fen minutes later, we were 
him home in a cardboard carr 
given a donation of 595 to ihe shelter 
and already had misgivings about this 
unknown cat without papers or pedigree. 
stian broke ош of the carrier before 

wed driven five miles from the shelter. 
First his ears popped up out of the 
opening, then his green eyes, wide and 
(continued on page 184) 


taking 
We'd 


ANYONE CAN LEARN TENNIS in a very short time. The importint thin 
will come naturally. To prove my point, I visited John Gardin 
arold man named Ken Rosewall from a group of would-be tennis players. Rosewall, an Australia 


selected a 41 


never before held a racket in his hand and w: 
Lover the count, playing 


Rosewall scrambling 
In order to sp 


d up his 
doin 


ight. These right and wrong pictures should be studied carefully. I am cer 


racket and cigar in hand to show 
а rank beginner how to learn the game from scratch 


is to know a few basic principles of the game and the rest 

"s Tennis Ranch in Scottsdale, Arizona, not very long ago and 

told me he had 

s hopeful of learning the game, In just a week, by teaching him a few tricks, I had 

ke a pro. 

learning of the game. we took photographs of what he was doing wrong, as well as of what I was 
in that if you follow my instructions and correct 


the errors Rosewall is shown making, you will become the talk of your tennis club. 


The most important thing in 
tennis is to make your appo- 
nent open his can of balls first. 
THE WRONG waY—Rosewall 

has come onto the court 

with his can of tennis 

balls clearly in view. 


The serve is probably the 
hardest thing 10 learn. 

THE WRONG wAY—Rosewall, 
when serving, reaches for the 
ball and stands on his toes. 
This will make the ball hit the 
racket in Ihe sweet spot and 
send it spinning across 

the net, where the opponent 
can easily return it. 


The backhand volley shot 
looks easy. but beginners 
such as Rosewall may have 
difficulty with it. 

THE WRONG WAY—Rosewall 
is keeping his eye on the 
ball as he hits it, a grievous 
mistake in tennis. 


THE RIGHT waY—Notice | have 
соте onto the court with an 
extra tennis jacket, giving me a 
chance to hide the can and 

then fumble for it. By the time 
I get to my can, Rosewall has 
ripped the lid off his. There is 
no reason to open two cons of 
tennis balls, so I can keep mine 
for another day. Beginners are 
so anxious to start playing, 
they forget this basic rule of 
saving money and wind up 
spending hundreds of dollars a 
year on tennis balls. 


THE RIGHT WAY—Notice my 
position. | am waiting for the 
ball to fall down before 1 

strike at it, thus confusing my 
opponent as to where the hell 
it is going to lond. I озо re- 
main flat-footed on the ground, 
which saves wear and teor on 
the toes of my tennis sneakers. 


THE RIGHT way—While I swing 
at the ball, I keep my eye an 
the opponent and allow my 
racket to decide where the ball 
will hit it. This is the best way 
to get a rim shot, which is 
impossible for the ather 
person to return. 


181 


182 


The forehond is occasionolly 
very useful in tennis ond, if 
done correctly, con odd 
enjoyment to your game. 
THE WRONG WAY—Rosewall is 
ing the boll with his left 
foot in front of his right ond his 
агт extended, which gives 

him speed and occuracy—a real 
drowbock in forehond shots. 


The overhead is a great 

shot, but most people 

are afroid of it. 

THE WRONG WAY—Rosewoll is 
bringing his racket down ofter 
he hits the ball, forcing it to 
bounce high on the other side 
of the net over the oppo- 
nent's head. Notice the fear 
in Rosewall’s eyes os he 
completes the shot. 


The volley shot. You can't play 
tennis until you have the 

volley down pat. 

THE WRONG WAY—Rosewall has 
his arm extended and his body 
turned in such a way thot he 
will hit the ball head on. 


The backhond. Most people are 
frightened of a backhand, 

but there ore times when it 
comes in handy. 

THE WRONG WAY—Rosewall is 
hitting it wrong. Don't ask me 
why; just toke my word for it. 


THE RIGHT WAY—Notice how I 
om opproaching the shot. My 
left foot is off the ground ond 
my arm is close to my chest. 
This will cause the boll to slow 
down and force the opponent 
to the net. At the lost moment, 
since he has no ideo of what I 


om doing, | can lob one over 


him. This stance, if perfected, 
con be very deceptive to the 
other player. 


THE RIGHT WAY—I от taking my 
ime on this shot, lifting first 
one, then the other foot off the 
ground, which will give me 

the option of hitting on over- 
head thot will borely skim the 
net, hitting o tontolizing drop 
shot or fooling my opponent by 
ignoring the ball altogether. 

It depends, os alwoys, on 
where the ball decides to hit 
the racket—if of oll. 


THE RIGHT WAY—l am focing the 
net, my elbow is bent ond my 
opponent is looking at my 

foce instead of the ball—or pos- 
sibly my cigar, which is one 

of the best distractions you can 
use on a court, porticularly if 
you light it just as your oppo- 
nent is about to hit the ball. 


THE RIGHT WaY—I'm hitting it 
right, mainly because my feet 
are positioned in such a way 
that if I don't, I'll trip and foll, 
something | hote 10 do when 
I'm playing tennis. Actuolly, 1 
prefer to run oround the ball, 
but that isn’t always possible. 


The follow-through. It is essen- 
tial to follow through 

ofter o shot. 

THE WRONG WAY—Whot is 
Rosewall doing wrong? His 
follow-through is on easy 
motion with his orm parallel 
with the ground. 


lers talk about doubles. 

In tennis doubles, you should 
always talk to your partner. 
Here, 1 am telling Rosewall not 
to miss the shot. He is very 
grateful for the advice. 


Many tennis games ore won or 
lost on close calls. Calling а 
serve in or oui can mean the 
difference between victory 

and defeat. 


THE WRONG WAY—The ball hes 


hit the service line and Rosewoll 
has colled it in. This not only 
makes him lose the point but 
also encourages the server. 


If you con't make a close line 
call, you have no business 
playing tennis. The important 
thing is to be so definite 

that your opponent's ball is out 
that he won't question the call, 
THE WRONG wAY—Rosewall's 

feet are in the wrong position 

1o call the ball out. His hand 

is flat, signifying the shot wos 
in, and he will lose the point. 


Well, that seems to be all there is to the game of tennis. If you practice the right w: 


d not the wrong way, there isn't or 


THE RIGHT WAY—My follow- 
through hos me lifting the 
racket os high as I can without 
turning my body. This con- 
tortion is so disconcerting the 
opponent forgets to return 

the ball. 


The trick in doubles is to let 
the stronger player moke all 
the best shots. Here, Rosewoll 
wants to go for the boll, but 
1 know he hos о weak back- 
hand, so I hold his racket with 
my right hand (I'm a lefty) 

and take the shot with my left. 
‚After you do this a few times 
with your partner, he won't try 
for the shots you think 

оге yours, 


THE RIGHT WAY—The ball has hit 
the service line, but | pretend 

1 can’t moke out whether or not 
it’s good. As о good sport, 

I say to my opponent, “Toke 
two.” This gets him so ongry 
he'll probably double fault. 


THE RIGHT wAY—Notice how | 
bend my left leg and extend 
my right one ot the same time. 

1 hove extended my index 
finger stroight out without bend- 
ing my elbow. I also have 
shouted "Out" and there is no 
way my opponent can claim 

it is in. Close line calls make all 
the difference in a tennis 

game and this position, when 
perfected, is better than a 
strong backhand. 


person out there who will not eventually be able to play as well as 1 do. Remember this: If a 41-year-old Australian can learn the 


game as fast as Rosewall did, so can you. I don't expect any of you to become an / 
you can't go onto the court tomorrow and be another Ken Rosewall. 


rt Buchwald overnight, but there is no г 


son 


н 


PLAYBO 


184 


SEBASTIAN THE САТ „емес, 


curious, and at lust his face, white mask 
over the nose and mouth, He climbed out 
onto the back seat and looked around. 

“The cat's out,” Susan said. 

“Oh, shit,” I said. 

But Sebastian only leaped up onto the 
litle ledge inside the rear window and 
sprawled there to watch the scenery go 
by. Never made a sound, didn't scramble 
all over the place like most lunatic cats 
do in a moving automobile. Just sat 
there with those big green eyes taking in 
everything. Automobiles never frightened 
him. Опе morning—this was after wed 
been living in Sarasota for almost a 
year—I got into the Ghia and had driven 
halfway to the office when I heard a 
sound behind me. I turned to look, and 
there was Sebastian sitting on the back 
seat. I grinned and said, “Hey, Sebasti 
what are you doing there?" He blinked. 

Joanna played with him as if he were 
a puppy. Hideandseck, games with 
string or yarn, races across the lawn. 
One time she came into the bedroom, 
beaming, to describe a game she and 
Sebastian had been playing. “We had the 
most fun," she said. was chasing him 
around the sofa, and he was laughing 
and laughing.” She really did believe he 
was laughing. 1 guess I believed it, too. 
For some reason, perhaps because we'd 
got him close to Saint Patrick's Day, we 
all thought of Sebastian as Irish. ГА som 
times talk to him in a thick Irish broguc. 
and he'd roll over onto his back to reveal 
the whitest. softest, furriest belly, and 
I'd tickle him—and, yes, he was laughing, 
ughing. 
with all my heart. 

. 

The veterinary hospital was set on a 
street with three used-car lots and a store 
selling model airplanes. I parked the 
Ghia alongside a Chevy station wagon I 
recognized as Mrs. Tannenbaum and 
then began walking across the parking 
lot toward the front door. From the 
kennel behind the red-brick building, 1 
heard а chorus of barks and helps. My 
immediate reaction was to wonder what 
all that canine clamor might be doing to 
s nerves. And then I realized 
he was no doubt still unconscious and my 
step slowed as I went closer to the door. 
1 did not want to open that door. I was 
afraid that once I stepped inside, some- 
опе would tell me Sebastian was dead. 

There was a desk immediately facing 
the entrance door. А nurse in а starched 
white uniform sat behind it; she looked 
up as I came into the room, Joanna 
and Mrs. Tannenbaum were sitting on a 
bench against the wall on the left. A 
framed painting of a cocker spaniel was 
on the wall above their heads. 1 went im- 
mediately to my daughter and sat beside 
her and put my arm around her. 


“How is he?” I asked. 
“They're still working on hi 
We were whispering. 

І leaned over and . "Mrs. Tannen- 
baum, I can't thank you enough.” 

Im glad 1 could help," she said. Her 
ime was Gertrude. I'd never called 
that. She was 72 years old, but she 
looked 60 and knew more about boats 
than any man I'd ever met. Her husband 
had died ten years back, leaving her a 
twin dicscled Matthews Mystic she did not 
know how to operate. She enrolled 
promptly in the Auxiliary Coast G 
boatingsafety course and, а yea 
took that boat from Sarasota ра 
lotte Harbor, into the Caloosal 
River and then into Li 
the St. Lucie Canal, across the state to Stu- 
rt and Lake Worth, where she jumped off 
across the Gulf Stream for Bimini. She 
had lavender hair and blue eyes and was 
tiny and wiry, but when she wrestled that 
46-looter into a dock, you'd think she 
as on the bridge of an aircraft carri 
ell me what happened," I said. 
got home from school about three- 
thirty,” Joanna said, "and I looked for 
Sel n but he t anywhere 
around. 1 was going to the mailbox to see 
if there was anything for me and I just 
happened 10 look across the strect—do 
you know where that big gold tree is on 
Dr. Lattys lawn? Right there, near the 
curb. Sebastian was . . . he was just lying 
there in the gutter. 1 thought at first 
I don't know what I thought. That he 
жаз... playing а game with me, I guess. 
And then I saw the blood . . . oh. God, 
Dad. I didn’t know what to do. I went 
over to him, 1 said, ‘Sebastian? What. 
what's the matter, baby? And his eyes 
he looked up the way he sometimes does 
when he’s napping, you know, and he 
sull has that drowsy look on his асе... 
only . . oh, Dad, he looked so . . . so 
twisted and broken, I didn't . . . I just 
didn't know what to do to help him. So 
Iw nto the house and called your 
office, but they said you were out on a 
boat—what were you doing on a boat, 


first 
her 


chee 
е Okeechobee and 


Dad?" 
“Talking to Michael's girlfriend,” I s 
which was true enough. But by 3:30, I had. 


left the boat and was in bed with Aggie. 
didn’t know what to do,” she said. 
"E didn't know where Mom was and I 
couldn't get in touch with you, so J just 
went into the bedroom and hit the pani 
button. I figured thard bring everybody 
running, and it did. Mr. Soames from 
next door came over, and then Mrs. 
Tannenbaum. 

“I heard the siren; I thought at first it 
s some crazies come to rob your house 
in broad daylight. It could happen, be- 

ve me. 
She drove the wagon to where Se- 


bastian was against the curb——" 

“We picked him up very carefully. We 
made a stretcher from a board I had 
the garage. We lifted him only a little, 
enough to get him on the board. 

“Then we came right here. I knew 
where it was from when he had his shots 
last time.” 

“What did Dr. Roessler say? 

“Daddy. he doesn’t think Seba 
going to live.” 
Че said that? 

“Yes, Dad. 

There seemed nod 
told Mrs, Tannenbaum I was sure she 
wanted to get home, and I thanked her 
in and she asked me to please call her 
$ soon as we got back. We sat alone on 
the bench, then, my daughter and 1. 
held her hand. Across the room, the nurse 
as busily inserting what I supposed to 
be bills into envelopes. To her right was 
closed door. To the left of that was an 


g more to say. I 


aquarium with tropical fish in it. Air bub- 
bles tirelessly climbed the tank. 
he last time I'd been inside a hospital 


was two years ago, when Susan’s mother 
died. She was 56 years old and had never 
smoked a cigarette 


yd performed the biopsy and then 
closed her up and told us there was noth- 
ing they could do for her. It was Susan's 
brother who made the decision not to 
tell her she was dying. Fd disliked him 
before then, but that was when I began 
ating him. She was, you see, а marvelous 
woman who could have accepted the 
news, who would, in fact, have welcomed 
the opportunity to die with at least some 
measure of dignity, Instead .. . ah, Jesus. 
1 remembered going to the hospital 
one afternoon; I went alone, I don't re- 
member where Susan was. I think she 
simply had to get away from the vigil for 
just a lite bit, it was taking so much out 
of her. 1 went there and my mother-in- 
law was propped against the pillows, her 
head turned to one side, where sunlight 
was coming through the Venetian blinds. 
She had Susan's features and coloring ex- 
actly, the same dark eyes and chestnut 
hair, the full pouting mouth showing age 
vrinkles around its edges now, the good 
nd neck, the skin sagging some- 
what—she'd been a beauty in her day and 
she looked beautiful still, though ravaged 
with disease and rapidly dying. She was 
weeping when I went into the room. 1 
sat beside the bed. Т said, "Mom, what's 
the matter? What is 
She wok my hand between both of 
hers. Tears were streaming down her 
сс. She said, “Matthe! se tell them 
Im trying. 
"Tell who, Mon 
"The doctors.” 
“What do you me. 
"They think I'm not trying. T really 
(concluded on page 208) 


for new years day resuscitation, try a little hair of the dog—plus coffee 


drink 
By EMANUEL GREENBERG 


HAPPY NEW YEAR? With a mouth full of feathers? A vise around your head? And your mother phoning from Little 
Falls, promptly at eight A-M., to be sure of catching you in? Bah, humbug! Well, all right. You can sit around like the 
senior sufferer at a masochists’ convention—or do something constructive, such as fixing yourself a soothing, settling 
spiked-coffee reviver. Most highly touted hangover remedies are evil-tasting, bitter and punishing, on the plausible 
theory that anything so bad has to be good for you. Coffee grogs are diflerent—bracing, (continued on page 188) 


PHOTOGRAPHY EY BILL ARSEHAULT. 


announcing the prize-winning authors and their contributions 
judged by our editors to be the past year’s most outstanding 


PLAY BOY'S ANNUAL 
WRITING AWAIRDS m 


Best Nonfiction 


186 


ALEX HALEY wins the prize for doing the 
nearly impossible. After 12 years of research, 
he tracked down his origins, stretching back 
seven generations to Africa. Roots (October) 
was our moving excerpt from his book of 
the same title. Runner-up is David B. Tinnin 
for The Wrath of God (August), a chilling 
account of how a secret team of Israeli hit 
men operating in Norway shot the wrong man. 


Best Major Work: Fiction 


NORMAN MAILER and Kurt Vonnegut 
Ir, share this one, and rightly so. Mailer's 
Trial of the Warlock (December) is probably 
his most intriguing departure yet, taking the 
present demonology craze back to blacker 
medieval times. Its a harrowing screenplay 
based on J. К. Huysmans’ infamous novel, 
La-Bas, which makes todays attempts at 
satanic fiction read like Tom Sawyer. 
KURT VONNEGUT, JR, turns futuristi- 
cally political in our chunk from his latest 
novel, Slapstick or Lonesome No More! 
(September), in which he gives us the 
humorous memoirs of our final President. 
The author of Slaughterhouse-Five and 
Breakfast of Ghampions depicts a man and 
his sister who have been raised as morons— 
and who at last reveal their shocking secret. 


Best New Contributor: Nonfiction 


DAN GREENBURG once more hit the kink- 
"n'-raunch trail for us, and came up a winner 
with Dominant Writer Seeks Submissive 
Miss (January), in which he discovered that 
following up those juicy “personals” can 
leave you hornier than ever, and broke, to 
boot. David Steinberg and Ziggy Steinberg 
are runners-up for Gagtime (February), their 
off-key send-up of E. L. Doctorow's best seller. 


Ё 


JIM DAVIDSON is pissed at the Internal 
Revenue Service. He is also executive direc- 
tor of the National Taxpayers Union in 
Washington, D.C.—which means that, unlike 
most of us, he’s doing something about 
Punch Out the IRS! (April) earned him the 
award for his gutsy advice on how all of us 
can get into the act—and what to do when 
they come around to hassle us for doing so. 


A GREAT WAY to encourage a writer, we've found, is to tell him he's wonderful and give him 


some money. And so were born our Annual Writing Awards. The choices, which are made by 


polling the editors, are so difficult that you can usually tell i 


s voting time by the amount of 


shouting that’s going on in our offices. But after much heated lobbying, majority rule, if not pure 


reason, prevails. Each of the winners gets $1000, each runner-up, $500. And all get the silver me- 


dallion pictured here, to remind them that they're still wonderful long after the money's gone. 


Best Fiction 


Best Essoy 


PAUL THEROUX gets around. He recently 
went more than 8000 miles by rail through 
Asia and back and wrote an excellent book 
about it. That's probably why The Autumn 
Dog (March), for which he takes top fiction 
honors, is set in Bali and concerns an ob- 
scure sexual position. Runner-up is Vladimir 
Nabokov, who's used to getting these awards 
by now, for his story The Doorbell (January). 


Best New Contributor: Fiction 


NICHOLAS MEYER gets the nod in this 
category for The West End Horror (April)— 
a decision Dr. Watson himself would have 
approved, even though purists might dis- 
agree. It's the second of Meyer's considerably 
posthumous recollections of Dr. W. and his 
adventures with Sherlock Holmes, this one 
about a double murder. His first, The 
Seven-Per-Cent Solution, was a best seller. 


RON KOVIC, the paraplegic ex-Vietnam 
Marine, was a most moving speaker at the 
Democratic National Convention, His power- 
ful memoir, Born on the Fourth of July 
(July), was judged the year's best essay. 
Craig S. Karpel came in second with There 
Are 8,000,000 Stories in the Naked City and. 
This Is the Last One (November), a bright 
and funny elegy on the death of New York. 


Special Award 


ere /IMMY(CARTER) (та PRAELIA 


maie Vd d cut еа f do pr — 


ROBERT SCHEER, for service above and 
beyond the call, gets our Special Award. 
In one year, he pursued and unpeeled both 
Jerry Brown and Jimmy Carter for us in 
Playboy Interviews (with accompanying 
articles). The Carter interview became, as 
everybody knows by now, the single most 
discussed press event of the campaign. It 
must be Scheer's old-line true Berkeley grit. 


PLAYBOY 


mom 


invigorating . 
what a cup of Java does for you 
morning. Apparently, the syner 
teraction of сайейзе and alcohol both ac- 
centuates and accelerates the salutary 
effect. 

Possibly the original, certainly the 
most notable of the exuberant brews is 
Irish Coffee: "Cream rich as an Irish 
brogue / coffee strong as a friendly hand / 
sugar as sweet as the tongue of a rogue / 
the wit of the land.” 
10 doubt about 
that, but amiable spiked coffees can һе 
made with almost any alcoholic bever- 
age (except, perhaps, vodka, which, be- 
ing tasteless, contributes nothing). Some 
are fanciful concoctions calling for three 
or four spirits, along with other flavor- 
ings and spices; some are flamed; a few, 
chilled. Many are as simple and straight- 
forward as adding а dram of one’s favor- 
ite nip to a cup of coffee: Café Strega; 
Café Cointreau; Calé Allegro; Tuaca 
Coffee; Amaretto Coffee; Kentucky or 
Tennessee Colfee (bourbon); Irish Mister 
(Irish Mist); Nepenthe Coffee (Metaxa); 
Ve 1 Collee (California brandy); Ca- 
lypso Colle (Jamaican rum). There's 
even a Yiddish Collee, made with Isr; 
аду, at Ginsberg's Dublin Pub—one 
of those relentlessly cute jobs that seem 
to bloom in San Francisco. 

It's quite evident that coffee and spirits 
are a most co: 
a light hand with the liquor until you 
find your level—heat intensifies the im- 
pact of the booze. You can always add 
more to the cup or pour another. 

The coffee should be fresh, strong— 
and, preferably, brewed. However, fresh- 
ly made instant coffee is better than 
brewed that has been around a while, 
especially if it requires reheating. Cold 
drinks may call for extrastrong coffee, 
because of the dilution from ice. One 
way around that problem is to use ice 
cubes made from coffee. 

Spirited coffees need a bit of sweet- 
ening, even if you customarily take your 
coffee black and bitter. Those made with 
liqueurs may not need additional sugar. 
The flavored instant coffees. a relativel 
new development, lend themselves ad- 
mirably to mixing with spi 
they're handy. They're almost all pre- 
sweetened, so don't add sugar before 
tasting. 

Coffee groge are 
reserve for one day of the year. Enjoy 
them any time—alter skiing, skating 
or tobogganing—and certainly on New 
Years Day. Serve with Stollen, panet- 
tone or Lebkuchen and you're ready for 


ply too good to 


188 all comers! 


CAFFE FREDDO 


Strong coffee, frozen into ice cubes 

I oz. coffee liqueur or coffee-Havored 

brandy 

М oz. anisette 

1 scoop coffee ice cream 

Finely powdered espresso 

Freeze coffee in ice-cube tray, in ad- 
vance. When preparing drink, fincly 
crush 6 cubes and place in blender. Add 
liqueurs and ice cream. Blend at highest 
speed. Pour into chilled large parfait 
glass. Sprinkle lightly with powdered es- 
presso. Serve with spoon, as the drink 
may come up fairly viscous, depending 
on your blender. 


BANANA SOOTHER 
(Serves three) 


1 ripe banana 

114 cups cold strong coffee 

Y pint chocolate ice cream 

1 tablespoon Rose's Lime Juice 

21% ozs. crème de cacao 

1 oz, banana liqueur 

1 oz. cognac 

Cocoa powder 

Cut ba а in chunks. Place in blend- 
er with all other ingredients except cocoa 
powder. Blend until just smooth, Pour 
into prechilled ice-cream-parlor glasses. 
Dust each serving with cocoa powder or 
pulverized coffee. 


CAFE HELVETIA 


Mocha-Havored instant coffee 

Boiling water 

1% oz. kirsch 

1% oz. amaretto 

Prepare cup of coffee, following pack- 
age directions, but make it a bit more 
robust than suggested—using more pow- 
der or less water. Stir well to dissolve 
mixture completely. Add kirsch and ama- 
retto. Sur and serve, 

Note: Most flavored coffees contain 
sugar; taste before adding more. Garnish 
with whipped cream or whipped topping, 
if desired. 


Making this drink is quite a produc- 
tion at Monsignore II in New York City. 
We've simplified the procedure somewhat 
lor home use, but the result is the same— 
delicious! 


MONSIGNORE II 


Lemon wedge 

Т oz. cognac, warmed 

Sugar 

3 roasted coffee beans 

Hot doublestrength coffee 

1 small scoop vanilla ice cream. 
34 oz. Kahláa 

Whipped cream 


3/ oz. green crème de menthe 

Finely powdered espresso 

Use fairly heavy 10-02. stemmed goblet. 
Moisten upper part of outside (about % 
in.) with lemon wedge; moisten upper 
part of inside with cognac. Invert glass 
and swirl in sugar to frost inside and 
outside edges. Add coffee beans and 
warmed cognac to glass. Ignite cognac 
with long match or tilt glass toward 
flame, rotating it until the cognac catches 
fire. Continue turning glass until all sug- 
es and flames burn out. Half- 
fill glass with coffee, add ice cream by 
spoonfuls, and then Kahlia. Top with 
whipped cream and slowly pour créme de 
menthe over it, Sprinkle with powdered 
espresso. 


This is the original and authentic rec- 
ipe for Irish Coffee, created by Joe Sher- 
idan at Shannon Airport and brought to 
the attention of a grateful public by San 
Francisco's famed Buena Vista Café. 
Good Irish pubs such as Nearys in 
Dublin don't beat the cream. They use 
heavy farm cream, not available here, 
and simply float а thick collar on the 
brew. 


IRISH COFFEE 


Hot strong coffee 

3 small sugar cubes 

14 ozs. Irish whiskey 

Heavy cream, lightly beaten 

Preheat Irish Coffee glass by filling 
with very hot water; let stand several 
minutes, then empty. Fill glass three 
fourths full with coffee; add sugar; stir. 
Add whiskey and top with generous por- 
tion of cream. The cream should not be 
whipped, just lightly beaten, then poured 
over back of teaspoon into glass. Do not 
stir. The idea is to sip hot coffee through 
cool cream. 


TIBURON FOG CUTTER 


1% oz. orange liqueur 
у oz. crème de cacao 
Strip orange peel 
Strip lemon peel 
Suong coffee, chilled 
Pour orange liqueur and crème de 
cacao over cracked ice in highball glass. 
Add twist each orange peel and lemon 
peel. Add coffee; stir. Serv 


CAFE MATADOR 


2 strips lemon peel 

1 strip orange peel 

Superfine sugar 

Lin. piece stick cinnamon 

1⁄4 ozs. Lepanto, Gran Duque D' Alba 

or other premium Spanish brandy 

Hot strong coffee 

Rub piece lemon peel around inside 
rim of old fashioned glass; discard peel. 

(concluded on page 204) 


ө е „ Sat u3no 
i INOW 
эні NM 


ANOL өн! 


BY HARVEY KURTZMAN AND WILL ELDER: 


IEADSTONE, PART TWO. THE STORY UP TO NOW: 
FRIEND WANDA AND PORTNOY-THE-WRITER 

HAVE LURED ANNIE TO HEADSTONE, A DOORLESS 
CALIFORNIA RETREAT WHOSE NUDE MEMBERS 
HAVE LEARNED To LIVE TOGETHER FREELY AND 
OPENLY, WITHOUT THE DREAD TORTURE OF 
FEARS LIKE JEALOUSY OR NAGGING PARENTS. 
AS PART TWO UNFOLDS, WE SEE ANNIE AT 
YOGA PRACTICE, STANDING ON HER HEADSTONE. 


N 


MS. KITZEL, YOU'LL 
NOTICE THAT IT 15 А SENSUAL MASSAGE 
THAT 15 NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH 


YOU! ANo YOUR KP 


OLD LADY DOESN'T 
u AND I’M NOT 
Bes А THREAT TO 
HIS огр LADY 
AND NONE OF 


THIS MAKES THE W 
FIFTH Time TODAY! 
WHAT KIND OF A 
METER MAN 
ARE YOU? 


SAY! WHY DON'T 
WE TRY OUT THE 
SWIMMING POOL! 


I'LL TAKE YOU ON. 3 
FIFTEEN LAPS IN THE POOL. 
AND IF YOU WANT, WE CAN 

SWIM, TOO (HA-HA). 


(SIGH) THAT 
PORTNOY! SUCH A 
ONE-TRACK MIND! 


THEY'RE 
SERVING DINNER 
AND I SURE АМ 

HUNGRY! LET'S 
EA 


BETCHUM, AND 

LATER, WE CAN 

Go To DINNER 
(HA-HA), 


(SIGH) OH, 
THAT PORTNOY. 


HEY! THEY'RE 


DANCING IN THE LIVING 


p I 
SUDDENLY THINK 
ROOM 


WE'RE (ULP) NOT 
HUNGRY. 


Ў UGH! THAT'S 
WHAT I GET FOR 
NOT WEARING 

THEM! 


NO, MY 
SHOES! THE 
SHARPENING 
STEEL FELL 


IN THE MAIN 
HEADSTONE 


CLEANING. 
SHOP? I 
HEAR SOME- 


vob EVER SEE THE 
HEADSTONE STEP? 


ROAST RIB OF 


ORGANICALLY FED BEEF! WHO 


WANTS AN END CUT? 


YOU MOVE TO THE BEAT, 


AND LET YOUR LIMBS GO FLIP FL 
ALL FIVE OF THEM. 


IT’S EASY. BUT THE 


Concer you DANCE, THE HARDEB 
T 2 


3 


y LISTEN TO THOSE CRIES 
or PAIN! „WHAT'S A 
PLACE LIKE HEADSTONE 
DOING WITH A HOSPITAL. 


DOT HEAR 
М HIS MALPRACTICE 
BILLS? 


ENOUGH HEADSTONE! Т 
JUST WANT TO GET BACK TO MY OWN PRIVATE 
APARTMENT, WHERE I CAN RELAX WITH MY 
CLOTHES ON WITHOUT BEING ASHAMED! 


EVERYBODY'S GETTING 
DRESSED TO LEAVE. NOTICE HOW 
THESE SWINGERS CHANGE INTO 
ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PEOPLE WHEN 

THEY'RE DRESSED. 

2 TOMORROW I'LL 
HOVE AN INSPIRING 
SERMON FOR THE 
FLOCK. 


FROM ТНЕ"ВООЌ 
OF GENITALS? 


I'M A STRANGER HERE. I WAS JUS 
HITCHHIKING THROUGH, OFFICER, 


YOU PREVERTS 
ARE ALL GOING 
DOWN TO THE 
STATION 
b HOUSE. 


TO PERFORM A HEART 
TRANSPLANT. 


T CAN'T WAIT TO GET BACK. 
I'M TAKING MY KINDERGARTEN 
CLASS TO THE AQUARIOM. 


VOU NEVER TOLO 
ME WHAT YOU Do, 
HOT Lies. 


YOU'LL — 
KNOW SOON ENOUGH, 
MISS GROONCH. 


ATTENTION 
ALL CARS 
CLOSE IN! 


(Ster) 
WELL, THERE'S 
ONE PERSON 

WHO'S THE SAME, 
WITH OR WITHOUT 
CLOTHES. 
PORTNOY...ONCE 
AND ALWAYS 
ALETCH. 


DOWN. you 
HEARD HIM, 


PORTNOY: 
STOP: 


LEAPIN’ 


КОДЕК LIZARDS! 


SMIRK). 


PLAYBOY 


192 


ROLLS-ROYCE LOVE AFFAIR 


wrinkled, bur the underside is smooth, 
cool, sleek. A marble peach. Rosanna 
strokes my hair, then my check, then she 
tilts my chin upward so she сап kiss me. 
I fce] I am kissing my mirror image. 
smooth womanlips. a wife thin, cool, 
safe. 

Here is a woman who addresses her 
letters "Dear He: and signs them 
“Fondly”; she makes love the same way— 
as if it were a course taught at boarding 
school. Does my heart pound and my 
cunt drip because of the exhilaration of 
ing a taboo? Because I am hot for 


a analyst who takes 
a bisexual shenanigans. 
That’s certainly part of the thrill. He'd 
kill me if he knew. Bennett has never 
much liked going down on me; Rosanna 
loves it. I lie there trying to think and 
tying not to think, trying to suspend 
judgment and judging like crazy. trying 
to justify and feeling no need 10 
justify. . . All these feclings rush at me 
at once. Meanwhile, she is gently nib- 
bling my clitoris with her perfect, capped 


(continued from page 140) 


teeth, sliding one manicured finger in 
and out of my cunt and stroking my 
nipples with her other hand, оп whose 
fourth finger she wears a scal ring with 
her family crest. "Rush-Poland" meets 
the D.A.R. Brownsville meets Lake 
Shore Drive! Central Park West meets 
Beckman Place! 

1 shut my eyes and try to feel nothing 
but sensation, wine blurriness and the 
ings of pleasure in my cu. 
but inevitably, there is something more. 
She is probing the center of my Jewish- 
ness; I am being raped by old money. 
That slim finger sliding in and out of 
my wet, warm cunt belongs to a May- 
flower descendant! That cool mouth eat- 
ing my Jewish pussy is the mouth of 
the WASP Midwest, the mouth that made 
America great, the mouth that ate up 
the goodies of America and itself re- 
mained thin, the mouth that roared! But 
the roar is coming from me. I am moan- 
ing, crooning, oohing my pleasure, The 
mouth of the American Jew 
singing the passio 


"I am a wisewoman." 


Saul Bellow does in ten-point type—I am 
doing here in bed with Rosanna (or so 1 
rationalize at the time). 

It was fun. She adored me, was an 
expert cunteater and had lots of class. It 
was also very high-toned. It seemed less 


sexual, somehow, than cultural. Vita 
Sackville West was big that ycar—and 
Rosanna wanted to be a contemporary 


Vita. It almost seemed she should be 
brought a silver finger bowl (with rose 
als floating in it) after touching my 
cunt, And Jrish-linen napkins to wipe 
her fingers with. And after that, some 
scrumptious dessert. 

But then I had to reciprocate. Or, 
anyway, 1 felt 1 had to. That was more 
of a problem. 

Oh, let me be some ancient epic poet 
(or some 18th Century Mock Epick one) 
nd invoke the Muses of Bilitis (Vita, Vir- 
a, Gertrude, Alice, Sidonie-Gabrielle, 
Missy—even our contemporary Kate, 
Robin and Jill) before embarking on this 
one! God help me, I am about to tell 
about my first impressions of cunveati 
and risk the wrath (wris 
mine sisters: Gentle reader, it did not 
taste good. 


Art and politics, politics and art. 
Strange bedfellows. Stranger still than 
Rosanna Howard and me. Can any fe 


inist dare tell the truth about cunteating 
п this d age? Do 1 ‚ knowi 
l will bc attacked from both sides—at- 
ked by the gents for being too ba 
attacked by the ladies for bei 
ballsy enough? 

I tried. 1 put my best tongue for! 
and took the plunge. You'll get used to 
the smell, I told myself. I said to myself: 
Sell, you smell the same, but it was not 
much use. Rosanna took forever to come, 
and my nose felt like it had spent its 
entire life in there. I was nibbling her 
clit as she had done for me. sliding two 
fingers in and out, trying not to think of 
the smell, the hairs getting stuck between 
my teeth and the fact that my wrist was 
getting tired from moving back and 
forth, forth and back. How long had it 
been? An hom? Two? I began to sym- 
pathize with Bennett’s not wanting to 
go down on me: I began to understand 
what it meant to be a man, fumbling 
around—is this the right place or is 
that:—getting no guidance from one's 
subject (who is too polite and ladylike 
to tell) and wondering, wondering if she 
is going to come now, or now, or now— 
or has she already, or will she next 
summer, or what? Help! | need some 
guidance, This is uncharted territory. If 
I keep sliding these two fingers in and 
out, and revolving my tongue on her 
clit, and nibbling with my teeth, will 
she eventually come? Will she come by 
1984? Will she fell me when she does? 
Do WASPs moan? I know that China 
men don’t—but do WASPs? Goddamn 
my cosmopolitan family (who would 
neyer dream of telling me to stick with 


(©1976 RJ, REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO. 


„ bu 
Itriedthenew 

igarettes.Then 
back to enjoyment 


N They sounded good, but none of 
еқ; them gave me Һе enjoyment Salem does. 
Smooth taste that comes through the cool 
à menthol. You can't find that anyplace else. 


Salem King. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous toYour Health «5 
^. 19 mg. “tar”, 1.3 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette, ЕТС Report APR. 76. 2E 
ч > 


PLAYBOY 


194 


“Rocco couldn't make il, boss. He's taking est 
this weekend.” 


my own kind). Why didn't they w. 
me? Why didn't my mother ev 
Wass don't moan in hed"? Therefore 
npossible to tell when they reach 
О» if they do. 

shudder shakes her pelvis. She 
rd my mouth rhythmical- 


right! She’s going to come! Whoopee! I 
won't seem like a pig secking only my 
c cha 


arm. The pelvis has stopped, 
the shudder has stopped, my heart is 
about 10 stop. 
“Rosanna? 
OK? Did you come? 
“It’s OK," she say 
"Did you Ic 
MES 


п, really." 
“You d ay. my heart sinking, 
my wrist aching, my mouth full of hairs. 
Alter all that, no orgasm. 1 feel like a 
boob, ап inept lover, a befuddled man 
in bed with a frigid woman. For the first 
time in my life, I can identify with the 
athletic, exhausted hero of The Time 
of Her Time. Oh, dear. I really am in a 
bad way if my very first lesbian experi 
ence makes me think of Norman Mailer! 
^] don't mind,” she says, smiling down 
at me. “I really appreciate your trying.” 
And then I seem to understand it all, 
the war between the sexes, 
nd “unselfish” woman, the 
the pillow diplomacy 
meshugaas that has reverberated down 
through the centuries to the detriment of 
us all. Man or woman, vibrator or shower 


come in three minutes flat. H 
1 am angry, resentful, snarling, 
biting, mean. None of thar "I don't 
mind" stuff for me; my feelings are right 
there up front. My cunt growls, howls. 
bays at the moon, 

But Коза 


spray, 1 
1 don 


nna "didn't mind," she said. 
And after that, making her come was 
my personal challenge. I was going to 
find a way to make her come. If I had 
to bec the Rube Goldberg of dildos, 
the Thomas Alva Edison of vibrators, the 
nk of clongated fruit—I 
going to make that WASP cunt come! 
The Corniche rook me home. 1 
not yet sufficiently daring to spend the 
whole night there with Rosanna. Back 
home to my husband—whom I hated but 
with whom the fucking became ever more 
exciting as I interposed between our 
igid bodies my anger at him—and now 
lover Rosanna. 
back at her house first thing in 


wits 


the morning, with my book bag. my 


T 


manuscripts, my toothbrush. Nor u 
all night—but 1 prett 
lived there on and off for the 
nnm tried 
ay with her. She 


much 
next couple of months. Re 


to persuade me to go 
had a vacation house in Aspen that she 
wanted me to share with her that summer. 
But I was torn, I was still. in my half- 
assed way, trying to sort things out with 
Bennett—and, besides, I wasn’t so sure 
I wanted to be alone with Rosanna for 
a whole month, Bennett would have 
"let" me go—in his usual resentful, guilt- 
inflicting way—but did 1 really want 10? 
It seemed to suit my purpose better to 


nett 
h him. 
g red 
ng to the white-wicker bed 
(о she could go down on me teaderly— 
and [ could go down on her desperately). 
Later we'd drive around the city in 
the Rolls with the top down, enjoying 
the impression we made, їп our identical 
rockstar jeans suits, mutual scent of 
conversations about Roethke, 
Virginia Woolf, Neruda. 1 helped her 
revise her poems and she comforted me 
about my fits of jealous rage. We were 
good for and to cach other. There was 
friendship there—or at least the 
ngs of it. 

But bed was the problem. I pounded 
y with dildos, Coke bottles, green- 
А big one 


© myself between Be 
ays with her, nights wi 


musk oi 


T 
plastic vibrators hom Japan, 
cunt and д little one in the ass. 
All the colors of the rainbow. I put 
cucumbers covered with ribbed condoms 
her cunt and bananas covered with 
French ticklers. I bought a shower spray 
that vibrated and we took aths 
together. It was never any good. She'd 
always come right to the teetering edge 
m and then draw back, shivering, 
ing. weak in the knees. She never 
med me, though. She was much too 
polite for that. She was always extremely 
acous about not coming. And yet, as 
I beg her 


time went оп, 


to believe 


cunt was an unconscious anti-Seniit 
But ld never dare say so. There was 
something about Rosanna that made one 


tactful, delicite—maybe scared? She 
seemed to be above anything so base as 


asm. She seemed to be made of pure 
spirit —like a stockmarket rumor 

Th e day in midsumm 
rived at her house with a bottle of icy 
Dom Pérignon (to celebrate her 38rd 


birthday), We drink the champagne, 
munched on Jarlsberg Swiss and рі de 
foie Strasbourg trufféc. By the time 


the tempting da 
Пе was empty, we were dr 
look at iis furled lip and have the same 
thought instantaneously, We went to bed 
with the bottle, hugged 
exch other's. nipples 
other's thighs until fi 
a month of boules. vibi 


green champ 


k enough to 


secing Rosanna Howard reach tumultuous 
orgasm with the bulging green base of 
Dom Pérignon boule protruding from 
her ieluciant cunt. 

She thanked me and thanked me. She 
wept tears of gratitude, The only other 
time she could co was 
when her husband w 
ing her period. She au 
lous orgasm to my sí 


ibuted her mirac 
II. E attributed it to 
pernay. Would she 


ve come wi 
New York St 


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would kill me and Га just as soon put a 
gun to my head and get it over with. 


When I came out of it a week later, I 
pretty wretched, but I was out. And 


when my creative urge came back. 
and I designed a little device that fires a 
Ш powder charge and blows out a 
chemical irritant. At that point in time— 
where did I hear that phrase before 
there was a wave of rapes; 1 almost said 
pe of waves. That's kind of poetic. 
Anyway, it started me thinking. There 
must be a way for а woman to defend 
herself. And this gadget came into my 
head. I got someone to promote it and a 
company called [deleted] was formed. 

o: Meanwhile, were you still in contact 
with the man from the agency? 
^: No: once I left the insti 
called him off. I never saw him 
They were probably just waiting to see 
what happened. So I guess it was a уса 
later, when this Hule company w 
well, and then 1 was contacted by a 
dillerent риу, who came out to visit me 
at work. 

ө: When someone contacted you, how 
did you know he was from the Cl 
a: In this case, the guy showed me CIA 
credentials. An J. D. Also, you kind 
of got to know what they looked lil 
When this guy came, he looked so w 
at my secret: in 
There's a guy out there who must be a 
cop.” And he certainly did look like a 
cop. square jaw, flinty eyes. 

9: You could spot those guys just by 
their looks? 

л: Well, there w other 
When he showed up, he compa 
nied by a very bad guy who bore a vague 
resemblance to King Kong. When he sat 
down, he danked and 1 made some com- 
ment like, "Whatever it is you've got in 
that shoulder holster must be something 


PLAYBOY 


a 


telltale signs. 


10 see.” He just kind of smiled and 
opened his coat and in there was a А4 
magnum, 1 never seen а man before 


or since who was large enough to conceal 
that handgun in a shoulder holster. Any- 
way, I asked to see it; he unloaded it and 
handed it to me and there was no serial 
number on it. It hadn't been removed. 
There just wasn't any. So he was 
president of a firearms comp: 
operative. 

4: Did you ask him about t 
x No. He wasn’t the type you'd ask that 
sort of thing. He wasn't exactly talkative 
If 1 remember correctly. he spoke in gut- 
tural monosyllables. 1 don’t know what 
he said. but it didn’t mater. When he 
talked, you listened. 

What did your new contact want 


from you 


196 А: Wall, he looked at our litle company 


MR. DEATH u. pe ro 


and said, “This is an ideal setup. 105 
private, its quiet. You can do a lot of 
useful things here.” I gave him a few 
gadgets 10 look at. Later, he came back 
and said, “There are a lot of things that 
loaded. into special shells. Can 
u do it?” 1 made shells loaded. with 
poisoned flécheues, little ballistic darts, 
phonograph-needle size. I made them 
loaded with poisoned shot, with inc 
diaries, 
Q: What types of poisons were you using: 
A: Most of what I worked with in those 
uidges was sodium cyanide and an 
nticoagulant. I remember 1 dipped th 
Héchettes and dried them. There were a 
couple of exotic cartridges that converted 
[deleted] into a hand grenade, Some were 
loaded with HE [high explosives] and 
shot to get a frag effect. I developed a 
ad minc—I guess you'd have to 
it that—that you could slip under 


could something like that be 
used lor? 


a: Who 
parties. As I 
knowledge of what hz 
those devices. 

ө: What other projects were you working 
on at [deleted]? 


lly have no direct 
ppened with any of 


М: Sometime in 1962, 1 invented the 
miniature distress signal. 1 had also 
screwed around with soft plasticcased 


nades. [Deleted] was doing a lot of 
riot contel work. I started " 
around with those to sce what I could 
c up with for the CIA. And I loaded 
some special ones. They were mostly con- 
cussion grenades, designed to produce 
horrendous blast effects, Jt was like a 

nt firecracker initiated by а regular 
grenade fuse. I did this type of work 
until 1 was able to form my 
company to do industrial research. That 
company staggered along and I had no 
CIA contact whasoever. I was going 
broke. And 1 finally got а lovely order 
for some pyrotechnic devices from the 
[deleted] government that we couldn't fill. 
I had invented the device, 1 knew how 
to set up production, but I didi 
enough money to ман. 80 l pi 
up the phone one day and called a large 
firearms manufacturer and they bought 
us out and hired me. I got my very own 
boratory and а nice comfortable 
I was running the whole show, basically 
What E really wanted was to рег into the 
commercial end of this busines. The 
military-ordn business was going to 
hell rapidly. Viernam was going to end 


screw 


own 


апсе 


equipment. Unfortuna 
quickly pressured into getting into mil 
tary research and development. 


Q: What form did this pressure take? 
A: Oh, it was very indirect. Like, "Get us 
into military R and. D or hit the street.” 
1 was told that by the officials of the com. 
pany. They were manufacturing [dele 
for the Army with a great deal of success 
and wanted more contracts. So I obliged 
them and started wor! i 
munitions program, which was funded by 
the [deleted] Arsenal. I wrote a couple 
of proposals. Again, one of those hypo- 
thetical 1 Forces are 
dropped behind enemy lines with access 
to virtually nothing in the way of sophis- 
ticated materials, And I sold a program 
of improvising things, literally out of 
nothing, For example, vou can make 
white phosphorus from sulphuric acid, 
bones and charcoal. It’s a pain in the 
ass, but vou can get a nasty incendiary 
weapon out of it. Thermite presents two 
problems, getting granulated black-iron 
oxide and getting granulated aluminum. 
The iron oxide is casy to make by burn- 
ing steel wool. Yo nake 40-t0-100- 
mesh consistent granular aluminum by 
ap aluminum їп a shallow 
iron pan and stirring it as it cools. With- 
out going into any of the exotic demoli- 
tion stuff, those were the types of 
problems I was solving. 
ө: Now, meanwhile, what was going on 
with the agency? 
ng. I had no contact. This work 
was for the military, the official, abov 
of the firearms manufacten 
So we generated our first report on im- 
provising munitions and, I must openly 
it was a damn good piece of work. 
literally, we showed a guy with 
an LQ. on the order of а 12-year-old's 
how to make black powder 
sulphuric acid, nitroglycerin, detonators 
by starting with nothing and wind 
with some pretty sophisticated sabot 
d demolition stuff. 
@ You haven't mentioned anything 
about your educational background. How 
did you acquire the know-how to write 
such а report? 
А: Thave no formal education. As 
was interested in fireworks, explosives, 
firearms and generally weird things. 
When I was М, I was apprenticed to an 
old Italian fireworks designer. I would 
work for him after school and on week 
ends. He used to cat garl 
sandwiches and ГА kid him that sooner 
or later he'd breathe on some fireworks 
and blow himself up. which I suppose he 
did, because one day it was snowing hard 
and I couldn't get out to the shack wher 
he worked. And the next day I found out 
that something had gone wrong and his 
business had spread late 
with it. 
ө: Are you essent 


cn 


board we 


ис acid. 


ly and him 


Hy self-taught. then? 
A: More or less. When 1 


17 or 


197 


PLAYBOY 


thereabouts, I was friends with a с 
mate who was a genius with firearms. He 
had an encyclopedic knowledge of guns, 
especially Nazi weaponry. He was a com- 
plete fascist. And one calm day, he an- 
nounced that he was doing work for the 
CIA, which, of course, I didn't believe. 
Finally, he offered to give me guns that I 
nted in exchange for work. He, inciden- 
tally, was the guy who took me to Cara 
©: Are you saying that the CIA recru 
you when you were 17 years old? 

a: Around that time. I was in high school. 
9: Is that common practice? 

A: E have no idea, [Deleted] was working 
for them even before that. It's not so 
young if you consider that a lot of kids 
17 years old fought in Vietnam and 
World War Two. People always think of 
spooks as 40-year-old seasoned James 
Bond types. Hey, that kid riding by on 
the bicycle may be carrying an automatic 
pistol in his belt—with national security 
as his excuse. At any rate, [deleted] used 
to take me to these Sunday-school indoc- 
trination sessions, There was a church we 
used as a front and we'd go there and 
get basic indoctrination, ideology, instruc 
tion in firearms, explosives, and so on. 

ө: From whom? 

А: I don't know who they were, but they 
were certainly well prepared with slides, 
charts, literature, and so on. 

@: What kind of work did the CIA have 
you doing when you were that your 
A: Mostly building silencers. [Deleted] 
would come to me and say they necded 
onc for such and such а gun and Га 
fabricate it. Whey were all made to be 
easily disassembled, both so they could be 
thrown out easily after use and so that 
you could carry them in your luggage on 
a plane and not arouse suspicion if some- 
one looked in. A Maxim-ype silencer is 
simply a series of baffles, like an auto- 
mobile muffler. Little metal washers 
stacked on each other with holes for the 
bullet to go through, Once, I made one 
where the parts were strung on a piece of 
jewelry chain so it looked like some 
kind of modernistic jewelry. It was actu- 
ally rather attractive. Another one I made 
from Japanese coins, some of which 
are manufactured. with holes already in 
them. Other than that, most of what I 
did during high school was brainstorm 
with [deleted], who would record the 
sessions with а wi 
Q: And from high school you went to 
the [deleted] Institute? 

A: Yes, shortly after getting thrown. out 
of high school for continuing to blow 
things up and that sort of nonsense. 1 
went first to the institute, then to the 
company that did riot control, then to 
my own firm Пу, to the firearms 
manufacturer. 


ass- 


a 


recorder. 


198 9: But at the time you moved to the fire- 


ms company, you said there was no 
CIA contact 

Vot at first. But apparently that re- 
port got some wide circulation, because 
the next thing I knew, I got a call from 
someone at work who said, “There will 
be another agency contact.” And a group 
of five guys came down and we talked. 
They did not identify themselves, but I 
knew from what was said that they 
were CIA men. At any rate, they were 
mostly touch What are you 
are you?" An estab- 
lishment of a new kind of link. More 
official, really. Somewhere in there, a 
general manager was brought in over me 
at my request. 1 couldn't handle the 
whole operation. I just wanted to do 
h. They brought in [deleted], 
коп to the C. 
telligence Agency. I was clearly 
that absolutely no one сїзє was to be 
aware of this sort of work. The very first 
CIA task wa ther sizable one. And 
that was the development of a handbook, 
which I dubbed The Devil's Diary. It was 
an offshoot of the improvised-weapons 
thing, but instead of being oriented to- 
rd explosives and munitions synthesis, 


weapons and systems. It was 


ten lor anyone with no more 
а high school chemis 


y background. 


ill tell you right now that I was not 
very much in favor of that whole idea. I 
began to realize that that was really dan- 
gerous information to assemble all in one 
place. That is something that, if it ever 
got out anywhere, would give somebody 
the ability to take over or even destroy 
large cities with very little invesument in 
time or money. But I got the word. 
“Write it. One copy. No carbons.” So 
what I did was survey the plant poisons. 
‘There are so many plant poisons that it 
bends your mind. Common things you 
can walk out and find right now in your 
back yard can, if tr 
very deadly poisons that 
detectable. I think I included about 40 
plants and instructions оп how to use 
them. The agency was very ple: 
it. I went on from there to biological 
systems. I came up with a m of 
agents that could be made without too 
much grief. There are a fair number of 
those. You do need certain 
tions or you're going to wipe yourself ош. 
It’s pretty dangerous. 

ng to things such as 


с, botulism? 
A: One of the most toxic materials 
known to man is botulismus toxin. 


The let dose is on the order of a 
25th of a microgram. There is a very 
slim chance of recovery. The so-called R 
strain developed by the agency is even 
more potent than the garden variety. So, 


in The Devils Diary, Y told a guy how 
to breed botulin, identify it, keep it 
under vacuum. You could literally set 
that up in your own kitchen and then 
extract the lethal agent in a form you 
could disperse. You need a litde more 
sophisticated equipment for things like 
botulin, but there is easy access to [de- 
leted]. You can find. [deleted] in the soil 
Or pneumonic plague, the air-borne form 
of bubonic plague. As history has shown, 
it can get out of control very quickly. At 
any rate, I wrote all this up and sent it 
in and apparently they were happy. and 
then they said, “Now you can do the 
chemical section and systems.” And that's 
when I did some work using extremely 
simple materials to deliver thos 
You know. sprinkle this on a 
block. throw that in ventila: 
One system I gave them is so simple, 
ag a material you can get in any 
hardware store, that you can’t even print 
it, because you'd have kooks tossing it all 
over the place every time they got pissed 
AL someone. Spritz it around and no one 
can enter the arca. Put some of that 
mixed with [deleted] extract, for exam- 
ple, in jars and drop them olf tall build- 
ings or out of a plane and you could 
deny admittance to the island of Manhar- 
tan in a matter of hours. That stuff is 
unbelievable. Just unbelievable. A c 
ter of it chucked into the subway system 
and you've messed up tens—perhaps 
hundreds—of thousands of people. 
dentally, in the Diary is an exit 
simple method of synthes 
potent nerve gas from а material that is 
easily available on your ргосег shelf 
right now. It requires no time or effort, 
really. 

Q: Do you want to go into that? 

A: No, I don't even want to mention it. I 
don't even want you to know i 
Right now, you can walk in and buy 
10 do all ds of ferociou 
damage. И not as toxic as УХ or some 
of those things, but damn close to i 
о: What's VX? 

A: The most potent nerve gas they had at 
the time I was working for the СТА. 

ө: How long would it take to synthe 
your grocery-store nerve gas? 

a: Two hours for enough to do a large 
building, like a high-rise. Low dosage, 
inhalation or skin contact, either one. So 
Бо was a very pleasing thing for 
them. There is also a form of heavy 
her not say which onc— 
that's readily available. It has a natural 
penetrating property. Put a drop 
п someone's shoe and he'll absorb it in 
ne. Then he has heavy-metal poison- 
ing, which is frequently fatal. Where ¢ 
he get it? They'd never know. Similar in 
potential were some very peculiar plant 
poisons that are little-known, although 


usi 


the literature’s there. These аге all things 
that are buried in the avalanche of scie 
tific paper. For example, there is a sub- 
stance that сап be extracted from a plant 
n the Southwest. It’s a neuro- 
y tered, but it has this 
remarkable six-month delay before any 
symptoms show up at all. By that time, 
"s irreversible. You deteriorate steadily. 
Like muscular dystrophy. A tribe of In- 
dians used it long ago. 
о: Would they ever be able to figure out 
what had killed the person? 
a: It's very u ely. 
@ Do you have any idea what they 
wanted that document for? 
Well, there was one peculiar thing 
about The Devil's Diary and that was 
that I was specifically instructed to orient 
it toward domestically available materials 
nd plants. Plants that grow in the U. S. 
nd materials that are sold in the U. 5. 
What t is, I don't know, but it 
makes you wonder. 
о: And how much did you get for The 
Devil's Diary? 
А: Т was not paid directly by the CIA at 
that time. The firearms manufacturer w 
being paid. 1 would cost out the project, 
report the price to my supervisor and he 
would take care of any administrati 
details. I have no idea where the money 
went, who knew about it or what they 
did with it. I believe I told [deleted] the 
CIA should pay about $20,000 for The 
Devil's Diary. 
ө: It was just understood that you would 
do work for the CIA as part of your job? 
a: Right. I had a pretty decent salary. I 
was happy with it. I had a lot of fringe 
benefits. Like a big car with a telephone 
ind a modified, built-in console that con- 
cealed a revolver. Very nice car. Also, a 
sawed-off shotgun, a Mafia special, over- 


that grows 


all length 18 inches, clipped under the 
dash. 
ө: What was the next request from the 
CIA? 


idly mentioned developing a 
rim-fire cartridge. The agency 
sted and said, "Could you 
develop one that would radically increase 
lethality?” Incidentally, by that time, 
[deleted] had left the company, 

Q: Who became your contact? 

л: Just some character from the agency 
itself. At any rate, the special .22 was 
a subminiature, delay-fused bomb. A 
mini: 
you want to boil it down that simply. 
‘The fuse was a pressed column of barium 
chromate and boron, topped with an 
ignition material. The casings were ma- 
‚ed out of [deleted]. The first batch I 
fired myself with a Sionic silencer and 
High Standard pistol. My contact m 
took a 2000-page phone book out to 
the back foyer and 1 fired one into that 
from about 15 feet. And that mother 


iure, metal-cased cherry bomb, if 


n 


blew a hole in the book you could dai 
near put your fist through. It didn't make 
much noise, a kind of odd thump, and 
then the paper just flew. The bullets 
were loaded subsonic to make them 
quieter. “Christ, that's he said. 
‘Then he wanted to know if would 
penetrate a military overcoat or a. Rus- 
sian greatcoat and still do the damage, 
because the bullet was so underpowered, 
anyway. 

ө: Сап you e 
was underpowered 
damage. 

л: I mean the charge that propelled it 
through the air was small to keep the 
bullet from breaking the sound barrier, 
which is noisy. But the little firecra 
er charge, when it blew inside some- 
thing, had two effects. It released all the 
bulles energy at once, unlike conven- 
tional bullets, which gradually slow as 
they enter something. And it—well, it 
blew up inside the target. At any rate, I 
had to test them for human targets by 
using these coats. So 1 asked my contact 
to get me the coats and let me know what 
he wanted me to put inside them for 
testing. He told me to start out with 
watermelons. And I sa'4, "Do you want 
these watermelons to be formally dressed?” 
No feedback whatsoever. He 
said, “No, that will not be necessary,” 
and left. 

ө: A watermelon was used to test mer- 
cury bullets in the movie Day of the 
Jackal. Is that accurate? 

А: It gives you an idea of what hydro- 
static shock is like. In the movie, the 
atermelon exploded. That's accurate, 
more or less. But watermelons are not 
really good targets for simulating human 
tissue. So we ran tests with four sheep 
wearing Russian greatcoats, believe it or 
not. Nobody at work knew about it. It 
was Thanksgiving weekend. The CIA 
brought the sheep and the greatcoats and 
we took them out onto the testing fields 
and zapped them. There were two guys, 
my contact and another man, who was 
a witness. He had а Bolex movie came 
and a 35mm camera. We used a High 
Standard with a Sionic silencer, a Walther 
that was fitted with ionic and a Venus 
submachine gun, which is a little-known, 
multibarreled weapon that shoots a zillion 
rounds a second, with tindem mounted 
clips, 22 Long Rille rim-fire cartridges. 

Q: What's the actual cyclic rate of the 
Venus? 

a: It’s some unbelievable number. I'd be 
guessing. Each clip held 50 rounds and I 
think it emptied those dips ii 2 sec 
onds. What's that, 5000 rounds per min- 
ute? That's the number that sticks with 
me, but I don't really remember. 

ө: Was that weapon classified? 

A: People knew that it was around, but 
everybody said, “What the hell would 
you use it for?” You could almost sling it 


plain that? The bullet 
; yet it did so much 


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in a shoulder holster. The one that I saw 
was maybe 15 inches overall. You could 
Пу lay down an unbelievable amount 
of high-speed lead in a very short time. 
ө: Who put the coats on the sheep? 
I did. Did you ever have to put an 
overcoat on a sheep? | guess not. 1 put 
its legs through the armholes. Well, that 
was the first one and 1 couldn't help 
thinking how ridiculous it all was. Me, 
the sheep rastler, dressing the sheep in 
Russian greatcoats before assassinating 
them, We shot that one in the chest cav- 
ity and, of course, that instantly killed 
The second one was shot in the right 
front leg. And, much to everybody's sur- 
prise, induding mine, it was also in- 
stantly fatal. It was rather devastating. It 
dropped with only three legs. It blew the 
leg oll, very definitely. But it did kill it 
instantly; I mean dead, not just wounded. 
Which is a rather dramatic test. Two 
shots апа two rather startling ellecıs. And 
there were four sheep. Anyway, they 
loaded the Venus. It bad tandem silenc 
ers, which made the damnedest noise, 
like the world’s record fart. It was such a 


ге, 


weird sound, you would never identily it 
as gunfire. And when they fired it, the 
sheep turned to instant suet and it was 
a horrendous-looking mess. It was just 
unbelievable. A hundred rounds in 1.2 
seconds. The sheep were literally blown 
over the whole damn place. That was 
two sheep unintentionally. Because the 
first one went down so fast and the clips 
emptied so fast that the bullets passed 
over the first and hit the other one. 

Q: Was the CIA satisfied! 
x: Totally, yes. They ordered 5000 rounds 
of that model, So 1 made those. Then 
they came back and said, “Look, what 
else can you do with this thing? Can 
you improve lethality?” I said, "How 
much more lcthal do you need the 
mother, for Chris's sake?” They said, 
"Well, we want something that isn’t quite 
as dramatic. Blowing a fistsize hole in 
somebody's chest cavity on ап airplane 
is a іше obvious.” And I said, “Well, 
you've got a point there; it is a little 
messy." So I loaded some that had ex- 
tremely small charges, very quiet, low 
velocity, so ui 
tated, it would kind of pop an end off 
and inject whatever you wanted. Some 
of them were loaded with lyophilized 
cobra venom. There was also tiger-snake 
venom, nasty stuff, another neurotoxin. 
1 didn't understand why the hell they 
wanted a poisoned one, anyway. I got 
the feeling 1 was dealing with James 


when the bullet. pene- 


Bond types just looking for more gadgets. 
They liked that a lor, a very handy device. 
ө: Thats a pretty sophisticated weapon, 
though. Were there others that were 
more subtle? 


^: Yes. It was, again, hypothetical: What 


do you do if you're stuck in a place and 
you're surrounded by hostile, sex-crazed, 
Albanian dwarfs or savage cabbage but- 
terflies? It was a brainstorm session. 1 
һай said, me weapons are mighty 
damned effective psychologically. There 
must be a way to make a pocket-size 
one.” That was very intriguing to them. 
But the conventional systems we had re- 
quired a lot of mechanical junk. Anyway, 
what І сапе up with was а very, very 
simple system, which Id rather not de 
scribe, because | don't want to take 
responsibility for ihe next skyjacking, It 
was about the size of a battery-operated 
vibrator. When you pulled the trigger, 
you got a jet of Hame that was respectable, 
lers put it that way. And 1 say jet because 
it made a roar and covered an area of 20 
feet. It would burn you badly if you were 
standing in front of it, but, as I said, it 
made a lot of noise and was psycholog- 
ically devastatin, that they 
really dug about it was that you could 
disassemble it quickly, throw it into your 
luggage and carry it anywhere. To the 
authorities, it was nothing. A couple of 
hunks of metal you could say were part of 
the support for your jockstrap. They'd 
never suspect that it was а firearm of 
the first order. 

ө: That must be taking us close to the 
end of that type of work for you. 

a: Yes. There was one last major job 
that was а very rush program for а baro- 
metrically operated bomb that released 
cyanide gas, rather than exploding. It 
was to be very small, “as small as prac 
tical to wipe out a commercialsize air- 
пег" ас a quote from my contact. 
The emphasis was that it be something 
they wouldn't discover after the plane 
crashed. So I built one into a domestically 
ilable aerosol deodorant can, with a 
barometric switch, two batteries, 


The thin, 


av 


з mini. 


ature blasting cap that shattered an 
ampule of [deleted] in a casing of [de- 
leted]. I delivered two of those and they 
had asked specifically that the deodorant 
cans be from domestic sources. They were 


set to go off at 5000 fect and I have no 
idea what they did with them. 

Q: You say that was your last job. What 
made you decide to stop working for 
the agency? 

A: have not touched on the fact that 
things were changing with me psycholog- 
ically. Ihe real chi 
when I started with the firearms com 
pany. First of all, I had met and fallen 
love with [deleted], my lab assistant, 
nd we got married. And I really didn’t 
» to make any more weapons. Al- 
though I was originally enchanted by the 


was initiated 


К 


James Bond macho trip, it had worn out 
and I was much more interested in living 
than I was in building things to kill 
people, including myself. 1 don't believe 


I mentioned, either, that I have very 
nearly blown myself away а few times. 

Q: Did you ever find yourself gening 
paranoid, thinking that maybe it wasn't 
ап accident? 

A: OF course, but you have to watch your- 
self or you'll go crazy. The one time J 
was really suspicious was when 1 devel- 
oped a miniature white-phosphorus gre- 
nade. It was loaded with powdered 
aluminum to give the fireball a better 
spread. Nifty little thing. Anyway, 1 or- 
dered some sixsecond grenade fuses. 
A case came over labeled as if it con- 
tained six-second fuses. I screwed one 
in, pulled the pin and—whamo!—it was a 
one-quartersecond fuse and it blew me 
away. I was in the hospital for a very long 
time. The thing that saved my life was 
the fact that because it was experimental, 
1 had put wo much aluminum in the 
mixture, which made the white phos- 
phorus disappear and not stick to me. 

ө: Then you think someone was trying to 
tell you something? 

A: No, not really. But it has made me 
wonder. Anyway, I had begun to resist 
fiercely any of the military R and D the 
firearms people wanted. But I couldn't 
talk that kind of sense to them. 

Q: What was their response? 

A: There was all kinds of chickenshit 
pressure. 

@ Was that pressure from the firearms 
company or the CLA? 

a: The CIA had said nothing at that 
point. But in the firearms company, some 
of the key people from the m: 
were absolute wretches. Anyway, I had 
been worn down physically and emotion- 
ally to the point where something had to 
give, and that’s when I had a heart attack. 
Then they tooled me off to the hospital 
and plugged me into the EKG and a few 
other things and said, “Man, it is an 
acute myocardial infarction.” I was not 
very old, and there I was, wondering 
when the next blip was going to come. 
The chest pain was terrible, like some- 
body stabbing me with an ice pick. It's 
steady, relentless. 

@ When you recovered, did you return 
to work? 

A: Correct. 1 hung around, but a year 
later almost to the day, I had a second 
heart attack. I had started an exercise 
program and used to jog every morning, 
which, quite frankly, was overkill. One 
morning, it was just too much, and zap. 
"Three months later, I went hack to work 
but with the express purpose of quitting 
I had been out of work for so long they 
were just glad to see me leave. I think it 
was no more than а few days after I had 
officially separated that there wa 
phone call at home and I met one of the 
CIA contacts. And he was just supposedly 
inquiring about my health. But he w 
also obviously inquiring about my social 


in office 


a 


life. You know, 
erences, but it 


very oblique, casual ref. 
unusual. “How are 
things going at home?” 1 mean, that ques- 
tion was never asked. There was some 
vague probe: Had I made new friends? 
Meaning new radical friends. I'm pretty 
sure that I made some kind of sarcastic 
remark, "Yes, and they're all Weather 
men.” It was obyious to me that he was 
concerned. So I said, “Look, I've had two 
heart attacks. Thats enough, and I'm 
kind of revising my whole lifestyle." 1 
just didn’t want to do any more weapons 
work. From the change of expression, it 
was apparent that he wasn't very happy 
with that statement. Thats when ques- 
tions started to come up about political 
feelings, which they would never have 
discussed before. They were paranoid: И 
you ain't with us, youre against us. And 
he did ask me if 1 had kept a copy of the 
Diary, which was reasonably indicative 
of what he was thinking. I told him, "No, 
and I'm not involved with anybody and 
don't intend to be.” My wife and I man- 
aged to coast for a while and I got 
involved in all kinds of endeavors, con- 
sulting work, and so on. We made ends 
meet. 

Q: Did they leave you alone the 
A: Not by any means, I know that I w; 
followed. There was always a pickup car 
as I turned out of our street, no matter 
what time of day I left. There was one 
guy I began to recognize, who looked like 
Slim Pickens. The phones were also 
tapped. I would call somebody: “Fred, 
I'll be leaving at such and such a time" 
and, sure enough, there would be a pick 
up car out on my route. I started address 
ing friends as “Comrades” and other 
sophomoric things, just to relieve the 
tension. Well, then I started bumping 
into CLA guys in very peculiar places, 
like бше restaurants that nobody ever 
went to. It was deliberate, to let me know 
they were watching. They were so ob- 
vious. Clever little oblique questions 
like, “Hey, did you ever walk off with 
any machine guns before you qui 
think that 1 probably aggravated the 
situation by responding with what I con- 
sidered to be humor. Statements like, 
“No, I'm too busy preparing botulismus 
R suain for radicals," or some other 
nasty thing. 

Q: What was the last meeting? 

A: The last confrontation that I had was 
when my wife noticed she was being fol- 
lowed. That was the first time she rez 
ized that somebody was behind her all 
the time and it frightened her. That did 
it. 1 made a phone call and set up a 
meeting with two CIA types at the Ide. 
leted], a pleasant, quiet restaurant. I 
walked in and sat down. They ordered 
drinks and asked if I wanted one. I said, 
“No, thank you, I just came here to 
make a statement, which is this: Very 


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PLAYBOY 


202 


briefly—if you continue to fuck with my 
life, if you continue to keep me under 
surveillance and act as if I'm involved in 
bullshi 
larly now that you've involved my family 

I'm telling you right here and now 


Langley,” | said. "If anything un 
happens to me or my family, 1 have ar- 
ranged to do this and it will be done” 
And I got up and I walked out. 

Were you bluffing? 

a: No, I was not. I worked with bio- 
warfare long enough to be able 
e that threat very real. They were 
re of what 1 had done for them, 
new damn well what I could do 
it’s kind of a 


chemic 


some way? 


My impression is that they've dropped 
thin the С 1 don't 

think they've completely given it up in 

other ways. 

Q: What are your plans, now that you're 

out of weapons design? 

A: I've started working on desi 

I have patents and some backers 

hope to be bringing out some toys soon, 

with any luck. 

ө: Doesn't that strike у 

ing for so long desi, 


as odd, work- 
ng assassination 


кей to fool with 
a way that 


will entertain people ins ill them. 


While this interview was being pre- 
pared, the subject died. Cause of death 
was shown by autopsy to be a heart attack. 


“Here in Beverly Hills, we've got more celebrities 
than we actually need. We felt the decent thing would be 
to bus a few of them to the more deprived areas 
of Los Angeles.” 


GREAT COMEBACK LINES 


(continued from page 108) 
even make a bet that she doesn’t even 
know how many toes а pig has.” 

‘Oh, yes, 1 do," Lady Astor replied. 
ake off your little shoosies and have 
a look 


. 
Impresario Sarah Caldwell was waiting 
in the lounge of a photographer's studio 
afternoon when feminist Gloria 
nem entered. "Where's the john?” 
Ms. Steinem inquired. 
“When,” answered Ms. Caldwell 
you going to start calling it the mai 
. 


Heywood Broun despised ghostwritten 


es function fearing President Hard- 
g as the keynote speaker. Harding 
delivered a speech that was so out of 
character that, once the appl 
died down, Broun leaped to h 
shouting, “Author! Author!” 

. 

A lady once collided with Dorothy 
Parker in the doorw: 
lantly stepped back 
Miss Parker to exit first, saying, “Age 
before I 4 

To which Miss Р; 
“Pearls before sw. 


Mare Connelly, the screenwriter and 
Algonquin veteran, was sitting at the 
renowned round table one alternoon 
when a man walked by and ran his hand 
over Connellys bald head. 

"That feels as smooth as my wife's ass, 
the man said 

"Yes," said Connelly, “it does.” 

. 


Professor Robert Tyrrell of Trinity 
College in Dublin (he taught Oscar 
Wilde), while holding forth one day, was 
interrupted by a rude fellow who, in the 
midst of a sentence, asked, “Whe 
lavatory 

To which Tyrrell replied, 
on the right marked ск 
don't let thar deter yo 


ufman was an 


‚id bridge 


player, One afternoon, following a par- 
ticularly devastating defeat, his partner 
got up nounced that he was going 


to the bathroom. 
ne,” quipped Kaufman. “This will 
be the first time this afternoon FI know 
what you have in your hand.” 

. 

Jean Harlow had a habit of pronounc- 
ing Noel Coward’s first name Noel, with 
the accent on the second syllable. When 
ard could stand it no Jonger, he said 
iss Harlow, the E in Noel is 
as silent as the T in Harlow.” 


NATURAL LEIGH 


(continued from page 85) 


more urban setting of Hollywood, where 
she has become a successful model and 
budding actress. She has landed the title 
role in Hammer Films’ Vampirella, a 
movie about a girl whose spaceship drops 
her to Earth in the form of a bat (all bats 
should transmogrify into Barbara Leighs). 
While she was waiting out the final cast- 
ing, she kept busy writing her own screcn- 
alled Dracula, iation of the 
a legend, 

п fascinated with vam- 
who saw her first 
movie when she was 12. “I used 
to sleep with a cross around my neck or 
a Bible on my bed. But there was some 
thing very sexy about Dracula—the 

he hypnotized his women.” 
For Barbara, posing nude is 
art. “The naked body is like be 
sculpture You look 


temples, they depiced nude wom 
Nude sculpting obviously comes 


anything with my ." Indeed. She 
recently posed in 45 yoga po 
brochure on the subject 

It is not by tooling around Beverly 
Hills (she lives in next-door Westwood) 
in her Mercedes 250 that Barbara main- 
tains her figure. Instead, she bikes 11 to 
15 miles a day, plying the route from 
anta Monica to Marina del Rey and 
back so swiftly that “most guys who try to 
talk to me give up alter a while because 


they have to pedal so hard.” Bike freak 
Barbara admits tha n obsessed with 
riding, Nothing feels better than the 


w 


id in my lace and all my muscles 
pulling." Hmmm. yes. 

Alter several years on the Hollywood- 
rlet scene, Вап as settled down to 
ious work on he “If people 
think you're just a jet setter, they don't 
take your work seriously," she хауз. She 
rejects the fake chic of some aspects of 
life in Southern Califo 

Т don't admire the phony kind of 
image-playing pseudo masculinity that 
seems to abound in Hollywood. Most men 
out here fear women and try to neutralize 
them by sexually dominating then 
uy 10 turn them their m 
nes they try 10 do both. I rca 
adore men. But I'm striclly one on onc. 
My attention can't be divided. I like a 
quie man who likes to share things. I 
love sex, but 1 don't want to spend all my 
life in bed. This isa very sexual town and 
thars all a lot of men think about. I'm 
really very modest, But if 1 respect a 
man, a lot of my inhibitions come down. 
I always uscd to look for a man as the 
answer to all problems. Now I think I 
have a lot to give." 


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PLAYEOY 


204 


gl 0 
Invert glass and swirl in sugar to coat. 
Tap off excess. Twist lemon and orange 
peels over glass and drop in. Add 1 tca- 
spoon sugar and cinnamon and set 
teaspoon in glass. Warm brandy in айе 
or small measuring cup. Ignite and pour 
into glass, flaming. Add coffee; stir. Taste 
for su 


NEW YEAR'S FROST 

114 ozs. añejo rum 

14 oz. chocolate mint liqueur 

4 оз. cold strong coffee 

1 teaspoon orgeat syrup 

Mint spri 

Pour all 
gundy balloon 
mint sprig. 


redients over ice in bur- 
Garnish with 


(continued from page 188) 


KENTUCKY TODDY 
114 ozs. bourbon 
1 to 2 teaspoons sugar, or to taste 
Hot strong coffee 
1 piece stick cinnamon 
2 drops yanilla extract 
poon butter 

To hot mug, add bourbon 
coffee, cinnamon and vanilla. Stir. Т 


for sugar. Top with butter and serve. 


CAFE CHARENTAIS 


2 or 3 cardamom pods 
2 teaspoons cognac 

Sugar to raste 

Hot strong coffee 

Milk or cream 

Split cardamom pods and empty seeds 


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COFFEE WITH LOVE 


11% 075. California brandy 

14 oz. triple sec 

Hot strong coffee 

Sugar to taste 

Whipped cream 

Finely ground coffee 

Pour brandy, triple sec and coffee into 
preheated mug or large cup. Add sugar; 
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ASBACH COFFEE 


2 ozs. Asbach Uralt brandy, warmed 
Sugar to taste 

Hot strong coffee 

Whipped cream 

Grated unswectened chocolate 

Add warmed brandy and sugar to large 
Ig nd allow to burn for half 
inute. Add coffee; stir and taste. Top 
with whipped cream and sprinkle with 
chocolate, 


MULBERRY STREET 


Strip lemon peel 

3 ozs. hot espresso 

1 tablespoon Sambuca Romana 

Twist lemon peel over demitasse and 
drop into cup. Add espresso and Sam- 
buca; stir. Taste before adding sugar— 
the liqueur is quite sweet. 


MONTEREY MIST 


Strip lemon peel 
Strong coffee, frozen into ice cubes 
1 oz. crème de cacao 

М; oz. apricot liqueur 

créme de almond 


Twist lemon peel over champagne 
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KAISER KAFFEE 


california brandy 
hot strong coffee 
poon sugar, or to taste 


r; stir. Add whipped cre 
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The Prophet 
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40 men out of the saddle—and teach 40 
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205 


PLAYBOY 


MENDEL I THOUGHT (continued from page 139) 


poured himself a glassful and quickly 
gulped it down. His answer to this wai 
“I thought it was borsh 
His parents suspected that something 
was wrong with Mendel’s eyes and they 
took him to an eye doctor, but it turned 
out that he had exceptionally good vi 
sion. His problem was that he never 
stopped to consider but always acted in 
great haste. His blunders were often in- 
credibly funny. He wanted to buy rolls 
and went into a haberdashery. When the 
haberdasher pointed out his mistake, 
Mendel said: 
“I thought it was 
His father gave him letters to post, but 
instead of the mailbox, Mendel threw 
them into a garbage can. Weeks later. 
when it came out what he had done, he 
said: 
"I thought it was a mailbo: 
On Sabbaths there no heder, but 


every few weeks or so, Mendel would 
show up there on a Satur The heder 
was connected with the teacher's hous 
Mendel would knock on the door carry 
ing not only his Pentateuch and prayer 
book but his notebooks, pens and pen- 
cils, too, objects that may not be touched 
on the Sabbath. His answer was: 

“I thought it was Friday" or "I thought 
it was Mond 

One time he came to heder we: 
sister's red beret. Hi 

“1 thought it was my cap." 

A day didn't go by in heder that 
Mendel didn't mistake some other boy's 
Pentateuch, prayer book, notebook or 
pen for his own. In winter, he regularly 
picked up the wrong overcoat, rubbers or 
gloves. He also mixed up the boys’ iden- 
tities. Mendel had a friend who was as 
dark as а gypsy and whose name was 
Velvel, but Mendel often came up to me 


ing his 


wert 


“But if I love you in December as I loved you in May, 
we'll both freeze our tails off.” 


and addressed me as if I were Velvel. I 
was as [air-skinned as Velvel was swarthy. 
Besides, I had red hair. As if this weren't 
enough, Velvel was taller and broader 
than I and I could never understand how 
Mendel could mistake me for Velvel, but 
he kept doing this. He would say: 

“I thought it was Velvel 

Not only did Mendel commit blunders: 
but he did actual harm to himself. One 
rents took him to a hotel that 
door. Mendel went charging 
imo the glass door because he thought 
there was nothing there, and he bruised 
his forehead and nose. A few times he 
had walked into a mirror. 

Mendel's parents lived on the third 
floor, bur he would go home from heder 
and knock on the door of a second-floor 
apartment. When the woman of the 
house opened the door, he called her 
Momma and began telling her all of the 
days happenings at the heder with such 
haste that it took several minutes before 
she could manage to point out his error. 
Whereupon he said, “Oh, I thought you 
were my mother. 

It was jested about in the heder that 
when Mendel grew up and married, he 
"t recognize his own wife, Others 
at he would mistake someone else 
for himself. In connection with this, our 
teacher told us the story of the absent- 
ded professor who came in from the 
street where it was raining hard. Inste 
of placing his umbrella by the door 
the hallway and going inside to warm up 
by the stove, the absent minded professor 


put the umbrella near the stove and sta- 
u 


ned himself by the hallway door. 
I met Mendel 30 years later in Amer- 
а. When he told me that he a 
physics professor and involved іп re- 
search calling for the utmost accuracy 
1, “Mendel, I thought 
you'd grow up a schlemiel.” 

Mendel smiled, winked and s: 
you think, you fool yourself.” 

Still, when we went to a café after- 
d. 1 observed Mendel pouring salt 
into his collce. 

І said, “Mendel, that’s salt!” 
me in confu 
sugar. 

“Mendel,” I went on, “you're wi 
one red sock and one black.” 

“Eh? Yes, you're right. I thought they 


“IE 


E 


n and 


E 


I replied, "and 
1 don't smoke.” 

“In that case, ГЇЇ have one myself,” 
id. 

He took out a cigarette and stuck it in 
his mouth, but with the tip facing out, 
and tried to light it with a lighter. The 
lighter didn't work and he handed it to 
mc to try, 


I took a whiff and said. “You've filled 
it with perfume instead of lighter fluid 

“Oh, I thought it was lighter fluid. 
Maybe you have a match?” he asked. 

Yes, but first reverse your cigarette, so 
that J can light the tobacco end instead 
of the tip. 

He turned the cig: 
lic it fr ту march. 

He said. "In the laboratory, I've con- 
ducted hundreds of experiments without 
a single error. I'm considered one of the 
best hers in Amer Сап you 
it, PIH order more 


he 


round and 


rei 


тезе: 


He stopped a passing woman and said, 
“Another coffee and apple cake! 
The woman smiled. “Im not the 


€ the 


sorry, I thought you we 


. you haven't ch 
T observed. 

We drank the coffee; When the 
ress саше with the check, I read. 
it, but Mendel snatched it first. He 

“Velvel, you' 


ny guest. Let me pay.” 


seemed that instead of the check, he had 
Nanded the eashi d. 
а we finally went outside, Mendel 
to his pocket and sud- 
deny cried, “This isn't my 

I waited outside until he got hi 
k. We walked and he complained: 
"Velvcl, you still haven't answered my 
question. In my work, I never n 

ike. d 

exists only for a hundredth of 
of a second. To do this. you have 
incredibly precise. Velvel. 1 beseech you 
om all thats holy to. you 10 come home 
with me. I want to introduce. you to my 
wife, Гуе often spoken of you to her and 
she has read all your works. 1t will be a 
marvelous surprise lor her. Tasit” 
del nd began 
them у 

A police car pulled up. 

“What is it, sin?” the } 

“Oh, Lthought you we 

We laughed and Mendel took my 

“You still haven't answered my ques- 
tion. Taxi" 

“Why didn’t he stop?” Mendel asked. 

“Because he was already carrying three 
passer 

“I thought it was empty. Velvel, what's 
the answer to my question 
he answer is that my name is I 
not Меме. Is Velvel a writer, 100 
asked. 

“Velvel is a chemist and he lives in 
London, not here in Washington.” 

“This is New York, not Washing! 
1 said. 


his visiting са 


coat 


discovered. an element that. 


arms 


Ts. 


I meant New Yor 

This time the taxi stopped and we 
got in. 

When the taxi pulled ир, Mendel ex- 


claimed, “This isn’t my house! 
Thats the address you 
driver said, “Two-ten W 
Sires 
1 live on 


е, sir.“ the 
Sixty first 


ast Sixty-first Street, not 


W 


You said West” 
“I meant East.” 
"So we'll go e 
And the driver headed cast. 

For a long time, we didn't speak. then. 
Mendel said, musn't think Fm 
always this absent-minded, But when I 
iw you, Velvel. I grew completely dis- 
tracted. Where are my glasses? I don't 
ve my glasses! And where is my foun- 
tain pen? Well, it’s one of those da 


t^ 


"You 


He hasn't 
even noticed 


But it's all been worth it! . . . Where is 


icf 


e with you. 


hank God! 1 thought I had lost 
‚ 100. on top of everyth 
my mother is waiting.” 
mother is alive 
L asked. 

“I meant my wif 

“Mendel, you are 
1 exclaimed. 

‘And so 


Your 
America?” 


bsolutely the same!" 


iswered, 


you, Мема he 
“You haven't changed bit.“ 

I was soon introduced to Mendel's 
wife, a charming woman, and the first 
words she 1 to him wer You have 
forgotten your glasses and fount: pen 
оп your desk. 

Mendel shrugged. 

“I thought I lost them in the bus. 

—Translated from the Yid- 
dish by Joseph Singer 


[3 1 


PLAYBOY 


SEBASTIAN THE САТ , f 0% 


am, I really do want to get better. I just 
haven't got the strength, Matthew. 

“T'I talk to them," I said. 

I found one of her doctors in the cor- 
ridor ked him what he'd 


“What did you tell һе 
s merely trying to reassure her, 
Mr. Hope.” 

"About what? 

“1 told her she would get well, That if 


It was the family's decision * 


ter how hard she tries, she's 


- Hope, really. I feel you should 
discuss this with your brother-in-law. I 
was uying to help her ma her 
spirit. that's all" the doctor said, and 
turned on his heel and walked off down 
the corridor. 

My morherindlaw died the following 
week. She never knew she was dying. I 
suspected it € surprise to her 
when she drew her last breath. 1 kept 
thinking of her that way, as dying in sur- 
prise. I loved her-a lot, that woman. 1 
think she was one of the reasons ] mar- 
ried Susan. 

I sat now beside my daughter and won- 
dered if I could ever tell Aggie how ГА 
felt about my mother-in-law. Wondered 
т tell her about Sebastian's 
hit by an automobile and about 
mily vigil at this hospital, where 
another loved one was in peril. Would it 
to Aggi 
n, whon 


аз a tota 


death of Sebastia she had never 
seen and did anything 
mor r than the death of my mother- 
in-law? lized all at once that I was 
already thinking of $ jan as dead. I 
squeezed my daughter's hand. I remem- 
bered coming home from Chica 

1 buried Susan's mother. Jo: 
waiting at the door with her si 
had not told her on the telephone 1 


пата?” 
. and did not have 


"How's 
“Honey...” I said, 
other word. 

а covered her face with her hands 
1 to her room in tears. 

was a computerized memory 
k we'd shared for the past 13 years, 
nd I. Into it we had programed a 
mutual set of experiences that could be 
recalled at the touch of a button or the 
flip of a switch. Susan’s mother was a part 
of what we had known together and 
loved together. I wondered now мі 
would happen when at last I mustered 
the courage—yes, courage—to tell Susan 
1 теа a divorce. Would I be able to 
get past the word honey before she, too, 
burst into tears? It was funny how the 


208 word lingered, how we continued using it 


as a term of endearment, even though it 
had long ago lost 
least for me. But 

the computer—noney, Expression of Af- 
fection, Susan/Mauhew—and there was 
no changing the data now, except 
through direct confrontation. Susan, 1 
want a divorce. Click, whir, the tapes 
would spin, the new information would 


t had been fed 


be recorded and replayed, ѕсклтси Su. 
san/Wile, semsrmUTE Aggie/Wife. But 


when that happened, would I have to 
change the memory bank as well? Would 
I have to pretend ГА never been in 0 
hospital room with my mother-in-law 
weeping helplessly against her pillows, my 
hand clutched between her own? Would 
I have to forget he 
Sitting on that wooden bench, warch- 
ng the bubbles rise in the fish tank, 
expecting to hear momentarily that Se- 
bastian was dead, I wondered what my 
motherin-law would say if she were still 
nd I went to her with news that I 
was divorcing Susan. T thought perhaps 
she would listen with the same dignity she 
might have given news that she was dying. 
And afterward, she might take my hand 
between her own two hands, as she'd 
done that day at the hospital and look 
directly into my eyes in that level, honest 
way she had—Jesus, how I'd loved that 
woman! Susan used to have the same di. 
rea way of looking at me. It had 
ished somewhere, perhaps to wherever it 
was that Susan herself had gone. 


Her mother would want to know why. 


She would hold my 
N 


But, 


nds and say, 


atthew . . . why? 

And I would say, "Mom, we ha "b 
along now for the past five years; we 
thought the move to Florida might help, 
we thought there was something about 
llinois—my job there, the people we 
knew there—that was causing us to drift 
ap: But, Mom, we've been living In 
for three years now and nothin; 
changed, except that its getting worse all 
the time: a day doesn't go by that we 
t fighting. Mom, please understand 
uldn't even dream of something like 
if 1 thought. . 
Mom, I'm not happy.” 
“I don't love he 


of us the same people 
tied almost fourteen years ago: it 
seems ridiculous now that we ever thought 


hoped. instead, that the person 
eventually became would be someone we 
could still love. 1 can't love her anymore, 
Mom. Oh, Jesus, Гуе tried so hard, I just 
yt love her anymore. So what can I 
do, Mom? What c ave her?” 
nd my mother if she were 
live, might say, thew, do what 
have to do.” Maybe she'd say that 
k me if there 
were another woman; yes, I was certa 
she'd ask that. And when I told her there 


you 
And then maybe she'd а 


was, she might want to know about her, 
might ask . .. no, I didn't think so. 
As I sat beside my daughter, wi 
for word about Sebastian, I realized the 
relationship would end right then and 
there; I would be divorcing Susan's moti- 
er together with Susan. I was suddenly 
grateful that Id never have to face her, 
never have to tell her I was moving out 
of her life. But the relief І felt was out 
of all proportion to the reality of the 
situation—my mother-in-law was dead; 
there wasn't the faintest possibility I'd 
ever have to tell her I was divorcing her 


daughter. I recognized then that it was 
Susan 1 n't want to tell, Susan I was 
reluctant to confront, perhaps even 


ashamed to confront. Did I simply go to 
her now and say. "Honey . ."? I would 
choke on the first word, knowing for sure 
that 1 was about to short-circuit the com- 
puter forever, wipe the tape entirely 
clean, program it with new people and 
new experiences that only with time 
might become memories to recall. 

The thought was frightening. 

I did not want to push the мотиенах- 
LAW button one day and conjure Aggie’s 
mother, who lived in Cambridge, Mas: 
chusetts, and whom I'd not yet met. No. 
I wanted to recall Susan’s mother, who'd 
held my hand in hers and told me she 
was trying. When I pressed the DAUGHTER 
nt the daughter of 
‚ his daugh- 
ter; I did not want to see baby pictures 
of Julia Hemmings. 1 did not want their 
memory bank to become mine. When I 
pushed patcHrER, I wanted Joanna to 
fill the screen of my mind in full color, 20 
mes larger than lile, Joanna smiling, 
Joanna shoveling soggy cornflakes into 
her mouth, Joan ling and split 
her lip when she was thre 
aghter. And wh 
that had rrr printed on it in br 
for Sebastian’s eyes, 1 did not w 
goldfish to appear, which I'd эсеп in 
Julia’s room, the room of a little girl 1 
had not yet met, the room of a little g 
who was по! my daughter but who would 
become my daughter, my stepdaughter, 
my whatever-thehell the moment 1 
changed the computer, the moment I fed 
imo it all this new data—no! When I 
pushed the rer button. I wanted to see 
Scbastian’s big masked face and those 
emerald Irish eyes of his: I wanted to re- 
call fondly and with delight all the mar- 
velous things about him—the way he 
stalked lizards as though they were dino- 
saurs, the way his ears twitched when he 
was listening to the Modern Jazz — 

Ir. Hope? 

I looked toward the open door. Dr. 
Roessler still had his hand on the door- 
knob. There was no need for him to 
say anything further. I knew the moment 
I saw his face that Sebastian the cat 


was dead. 
BH 


jus; 


button, I did not w; 
Gerald Hemmings to app 


my 


After people 
a as done, 


no one will heckle 
our speakers. 


We're as close to the impossible 
as possible. 

Our new speakers color sound. 

Anybody's do. 

Should they tell you otherwise, they 
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We at Sony developed the SSU-2000 with 
this grim reality in mind. 

Our goal was to create a line of speakers 
with a minimum of coloration. With a fre- 
quency response flat and wide. With low dis- 
tortion. And with repeatability. Which 
means each speaker we make will sound like 
the one before and the one after. 


Searching and researching. 

Before you can make a good speaker 
you have to make a lot of bad ones. 

We turned out dozens of prototypes 
that were made with the same specs, but 
sound like they weren't. 

That's because your ear is more sophis- 
ticated than cur measurements. 

You can hear how pure water is, for 
example. 

The purity of the water in which the pulp 
for the speaker cone is pressed influences 
the sound. 

But it would hardly change the frequency 
response — ог any other measurements. 

Now there are dozens and dozens of ele- 
ments that interact this way. 

Changing one changes the other and 
almost changed our minds about going into 
the speaker business. 

But we stuck it cut. Applying the age-old 
technique of trial and error. 

That's why we labored for three years to 
bring you our speakers. While other manu- 
facturers rushed frantically to market with 
theirs. 


We keep the whole world 
in our hands. 

Understanding how to control the sound 
of our speakers, we realized we had to con- 
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So we did the only logical thing. 

We built a plant. Which does nothing but 
produce—under outrageously close control 
—{һе components for our speakers. 

Few companies watch what you hear so 
carefully. 


Don't judge a bookshelf speaker 
by its cover. 
As you can see, a lot goes into producing 
a speaker that's not easily seen. (One beauti- 


Suggested retail pric 


ful exception the handsome finish on our 
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That includes the carbon fiber we mix 
into the speaker cone paper. 

Carbon fiber is light and strong. Light, so 
our speaker needs less power to operate it, 
and is therefore more efficient. 

Strong, so the cone won't bend out of 
shape in the high frequency range. 

Moreover, carbon fiber won't resonate 
much. It has a low О, and it took someone 
with a high IQ to realize it would absorb the 
unwanted vibration. 

Unwanted vibration is also reduced by 
‘our cast aluminum basket, which is superior 


learn 


SSU-2000 $150 each; SSU-1250 $100 each; SSU-1050 $1303 pair. 


toa cheap stamped metal one. 

We're confident that the results of our 
three year effort will be clear after three 
minutes of listening. 

At which point, far from heckling our 
speakers, you'll be tempted to give them a 
standing ovation. 


© 1976 Sony Corp. of America. 
Sony, 9 W. 57 St., N.Y., NY. 10019. 


SONY isa trademark of Sony Corp. 209 


PLAYBOY 


210 


the Commodore and found that about 
2000 other people wanted to hear this 
old German geezer, 100, and that every- 
body had to wear a name tag with his or 
her first name on it, which pissed me off 
1 allowed an ex volunteer to skp а 
pressuresensitive name tag with pas let- 
tered on it om my sweater and 1 went 
inside. I knew that when I pulled. off 
the name it would take some of 
the nap id that 
pissed me olf even more, and then I 
10 the ballroom, where this gu 


from my sweater 


went i 


Erh heady started 10 speak, 
П I couldn't find the friends I w 

supposed 10 meet there or eve 

empty chair to sit on and I was so 


pissed off I didn't hear what Erhard said 


for the first ten minutes I wis there. 

Werner Erhard turned ош to be 
neiher old nor German, and when 1 
finally started listening to him, I thougl 
thar what he was saying was sont of 
funny, rt of outrageous, and not 
litle perverse, which is generally enough 
10 ger awhile. E 


d se 


me то list hard was 


his by-now-Fimous shtick about the 
the laboratory maze, locating a 
that 


ed cheese. If the 


‚ Erhard was s 


tunnel 
cheese 


cont 
w 


the rat ly gets the ide 
bandons the tunnel it was in. The c 
ference between rats and people, he said, 


is that people would rather 
cheeseless tunnel, just to prov 


stay in the 
hat they 


(continued from page 110) 


were right to be there. 
І was pretty sure that, no matter how 
od he sounded, Erhard didn't know 
anything I didn’t know after 70 or 80 
years of therapy 

“IE youre listening to me, you're 
listening to the wrong person in here,” 
Erhard happened to be saying at that 
point. "I came here to aet vou to listen 
to yourself, not то me. I don't think I 
know something that if you knew you'd 
be better oll. 1 think you know so 
thing that if you knew knew 
might be a little better olf. 

Lots of zealous applause 
laughter. I happen to Mate zealous ap- 
plause à i ighter. I kind of 
liked wi aying, but not 


you 


yo 


xd knowing 


the 
pretty much turned off 
he whole thing: 

During the inter 
this event 
three hours: 


from most of the 2000 people i 
audicne 
by 


Tx 


on- now knew 
ast 


to run at I 
pushy you 


man with a close-cropped black beard 
pproached me and Dory and tried 
very hard to get us to sign up for 
the est tra Dory w more 


willing to consider it than but 
when we learned that the 
cupied two complete wee 
we couldn't even get into it till Jur 
we were even more put off. I have a 
house in East Hampton and, starting in 
May, E try to get up there every weekend. 


SEO ELO! ETOUS 


theless, lor some  inexplainable 
reason, and either because of or m spite 
of the persistent nagging of the objec 
tionable young person with the beard, 
both Dory and I finally decided to giv 
up S250 apiece and two probably se 

tional weekends in June at the bi 
ad we signed up for the est training 
I don't know what Dorys + 
was. Mine was that 1 could always write 
pout the damned thing if it didn’t turn 
out well, and that weekends in East 
Hampton in June were usually r 


THE PRETRAINING SEMIN AR 
X couple of days before we were to 
st est weekend. we attended 


at another. hotel. 
inside, we had to fill out 


be 


n ou 


а pretraini 
ore we wi 


g der 


questionnaire (we were supposed to 
have done this at home a п. 
but 1 s save things like that for the 


st minute) 
3950. 1 stood їп 
contact with the est м 

lady of unspect intelligence loc 
over my filled-out questionnaire 
stopped at the place where I падн written 
what | expected to get out of the train- 
She asked why I was taking the 


d pay the balance of the 


training. It seemed pointless to say I 
thought Erhard had зай some per 
verse things and that a pushy person 
with а beard had prodded 


probably rains most weck m East 
Hampton in June. I said I didn’t know. 
It was clearly not OK with her that Т 
didn't know. 

Look," she 
prove your life 


said, “you want to im- 
and do bener and be 
happier, don't you?” That seemed safe 
enough to commit to. 1 said sure. “Then 
write that in the space," she said. 1 did. 
put on another name 
allowed into the sem 

Two hundred and 3 
ranged g the stage. upon which stood 
a youngish man named David Norris. 
who soon rev welt to be almost 
as droll and as perverse as Erhard. He 
wold us a little bit about est, how it had 
ed 43,000. people—the 
cities in 
He outlined the ground 
were to 


are d 


s four 


existence, 


low we 
un from the. start 


rules of the naini 
gree to be in the 
to the end of cach day for the 
four days of the training, not to sit near 
anyone we knew, not to tike a watch 
into the room, not to take notes or tape 
record the maining, то abstain from all 
liquor, pot, uppers, downers or med 
tions not prescribed by a doctor 


ain 


n. 
from 


the start of the first session till the end 
of the fourth, There would be two 
ks cach day to go to the bathroon 

wd опе to get some food, 
“How long is the food break?" some- 


sked. 
As long as it 
replied. 


one 


kes to cat," Norris 


“If we aren't allowed to wear watches, 


how will we know when to come back?” 
You won't,” said Norris pleasantly. 
“So I suggest you return from your break 
immediately.” 
“Will the training room be air- 
conditioned?" asked somebody else. 
“Yes,” he replied. "Unless 5 


Everything he said he restated and re- 
peated a number of times. I didn't under- 
stand why he was being so redundant till 
I heard people keep asking questions he 
had already red several times, 

If I have a headache during the train- 
said someone who knew better, 


said Norris, “you get to have a headache. 
Why do you have that rule? 
“We never explain the rules. Just 
follow the instructions and take what 
you get. That's the est koan—follow the 
instructions and 


opportunity in the tra 
lives around, to make our lives work, to 
take responsibility for our lives, to re- 
hi nce life. 
Many people stood ир to ask pointless, 
repetitious or abusive questions. To 
these, Norris merely answered a cheerful 
“Thank you for your question.” 

Iready decided to write about 
ng, thus, typically. putting my- 
self slightly at a distance from the cx- 
perience. I had also decided, along with 
probably most of the people in the 
room, that 1 necessarily 
mitting myself to following the rules. 
Oh, I might follow them if it wasn't too 
inconvenient or uncomfortable, but, well, 
rules were made to be broken, right? 


wasn't com- 


There was a short intermission and, 


during it, I walked up to the stage and 
asked Norris if, since I was writing а 
piece on est for rrAvsov, the no-note- 
taking rule applied to me. I knew he'd 
say it applied to me before I asked it, 
but I asked it anyway. He said it ap- 
plicd to me. At the end of the break. I 
was interested to see that not only did 
I start taking notes quite openly but 1 
also moved up to one of the front rows, 
so that Norris could see it, too—my hos- 
y to authority was so great that it 
sn't enough merely to break the rules, 
I also had to let the authority who rep- 
resented the rules know I was breaking 
them, Interesting. 

Norri we'd encounter three selves 
within us in the training: The first is the 
one we pretend we are, the second is the 
one we fear we are and the third is 
the one we really are. He also said that by 
the end of the training, we'd know the 
answer to the Zen koan “What is the 
sound of one hand clappi 

I wasn't sure I needed to meet my 


“One good thing about being an endangered species—it gives 
us a tragic quality that broads find irresistible.” 


three selves, but Fd always w: 
know the sound of onc hand clapping. 


THE FIRST DAY OF TRAINING 


‘The training is held in а ballroom of 
the Statler Hilton Hotel. On the first 
day, Saturday, June 21, 1975, it starts 
promptly at 8:30 А.м. I have а few things 
going on with me about all this. First, T 
hate geting up at seven лм. any d: 
particularly a $ Second, the night. 
before was my 39th birthday, and not 


only am I not sure whether I want to be 
39, І am positive I didn't want to go to 
bed early, not drink and do all the other 


swell things that est suggested. 

Dory and I pick up our name tags, put. 
them on and enter the ballroom. Inside, 
most of our 250 member group are al- 
ready seated on chairs facing the stage. 
Precisely at 8:30. a young man with 
short. black. hair, slacks, sports coat and 
t with the collar out ascends to 
the stage. The young man's name is 
Michacl. He moves like a robot. He has 
a disquicting gleam in his eye, I fear he 
ncr and that I will have to 
look at him all weekend. 

Michael addresses us in cold, humor- 
less tones, repeats each of the ground 
rules endlessly and invites those of us 
who are unwilling to keep them to get 
the hell out. After at least an hour of 
such appealing stuff, Michael exchanges 
places with a tall, similarly dressed guy 
named Landon Carter, who, it turns out, 
is to be our trainer. 

І want to get very clear about some- 
thing, as they say in est, right now: I am 
a practicing hetero. I have sex exclusive- 
ly with ladies and I am not turned on 
by the idea of doing it with any guy. But 
Landon Carter is so good-looking it is 
almost offensive. He looks like K 
Dullea, except that next to Landon, Keir 
Dullea would look like Marty Feldman. 


What's worse, Landon is smart, funny 
and handles himself brilliantly onstage 
for 15 to 18 consecutive hours with 
boundless energy while people in the 
audience can barely remain sitting up 
ht. OK, now that we have that out of 
the way, we can go oi 
Landon continues Michael's harangue 
bout the ground rules. Landon calls u 
assholes. Several people stand and say 
they object to being called assholes. Un- 
fortunately, every one of them demon: 
strates himself to be exactly that. Landon 
says t though we are assholes, thc 
training is asshole-proof and that we can- 
not fail to get the result of the training. 
The и ng breaks dow: to three 
types of activities. One, the data: The 
wainer pres able amount 
of philosophi atic and epistemo- 
logical matcrial—what Erhard calls “dog 
hit metaphysics"—frequently outlining 
it on two large blackboards on the stage. 
Two, the processes: We close our eyes. 
“ро into our space" and are guided by 
the trainer through a number of medi- 
tative exercises designed to get us 
touch with our senses and our experi- 
ence. Three, the sharing: We 
couraged to ask questions or share our 
experiences with the group by raising 
а hand and speaking into a portable mi- 
crophone; whenever anyone shares, the 
rest of us are required to acknowledge 
him with applause. "Either app 
throw money” is the lame joke u 
companies п 
I, personally, do not find that going 
four or five hours at a time without 
peeing is terribly hard, nor do I fall in 
a swoon from not being able to eat be- 
tween 8:30 А.м. and the only meal br 
some 12 to 14 hours later. No, my trou- 
ble is headaches. The kind that shatter 
your skull any time anyone speaks above 
a whisper. Although there has never been 


211 


PLAYBOY 


212 


any question of whether I am philosophi- 
cally willing to break the ground rules 
and take anything for my headache—I'd 
sneaked a watch into the training room 
in my pocket, after all— do manage to 
hold out for nearly сїрїн hours belore 
slipping into a broom closet on our sec- 
ond pee break and popping two gorgeous 
*xcedrius into my throat. 

Landon shows us a pi 
rid of headaches—of any pain, in fact— 
wherein we describe the pain precisely. 
locate its boundaries, decide how much 
water it could hold if it could hold м 
ter, say what color it is, and so on. If 
you let it, it works. I don't let it. After 
ak, most of us have trouble 
staying awake, so Landon shows us a 
process for getting rid of tiredness by pre- 
cisely describing its symptoms. I don't 
Jet this work for me, either. 

The first days training ends at 2:40 
AM. Lam half losen from the excessive 
ir conditioning, my buttocks ache from 
18 hours of sitting and I have a jet black 
10-gallon killer of a pain in my head. 


›сез» for getting 


THE SECOND DAY 

By the second day, we are all old 
hands. We know that Michael will begin 
cach segment of the day by asking if any 
of us is wearing a watch or sitting next 


to somebody we and so o». We 
know he will preface eich break with 
the time and with the precise location of 
the rest rooms, in case any of them 
moved, We have gouen to know our 
group's m characters: a young man 
brow 


thing Lan- 
ed Jewish 
s beluddled by 
woman 
attractiveness named Susan, 
who keeps saying how b ad 
how many celebrities she knows and how 
and European skiing 
superior to domestic varieties: a middle 
aged Latin named Arch. who blames all 
his troubles on his bad back and other 
Ms. id victim: a 
named Marty, who keeps saying his life 
is perfect and that he has no problems. 
On the second day, we learn how we 
jam things and people into our belicf 
systems instead of experiencing them as 
really are. that we do this to prove 
selves. Right and others Wrong and 


don says; a funny, fat, middle 
ed Pearl, who 
g Landon 


we аге so committed to proving our- 
"re 


selves Right and others Wrong that w 
willing to sacrifice our lives to do so. 

The processes on the second di 
he done in places other than our d 
For the first one, most of us lie down on 
the floor, close our eyes and try to get in 
touch with some chroi n or other 
physical symptom of ours and whatever 
ancient ar or 


memories of [e 
whatever it dredges up for u 
minutes into this process, 1 begin to hear 
moans and whimpering on all sides of 
crying, аце! aming, 


icking and sounds of people puking 
their guts out. It is very surreal, very 
ightening, like suddenly finding your- 


self in the middle of an insane asylum. 
What is going on around me makes it im 
possible for me to continue doing the 
process. My sole concern is for my per- 
sonal safety. 1 soon realize that I am 
strong enough to take care of myself 
whatever happens, and the worst that 
hr occur is that I could get a litle 
puked on, 

After what seems like hours, Landon ter- 
minates the process, tells us 10 readjust 
ourselves to the reality of the room, to 
open our eyes and sit up. Suddenly, а 
voice [rom the middle of the floor 
screams, “1 can't move!" 

We are all seated on the floor 


going on. It develops th 
is old bearded, brow 
convinced he is paralyzed. 
Holy Christ, I think to myself, am Z glad 
I'm not the trainer here. What the hell 
happens now? 

^b can't 
Landon. 
re 


movel” 


says Landon 


ble calm. "I got that you 
You goddamned bast: Frank 
screams. “I'm paralyzed! Don't you care 


сы of. 


that I might be paralyzed for th 
my life, you fucking son of а bitch? 

"No," says Landon, “because Fm clear 
that you will only be paralyzed for a 
long as you want to be paralyzed. 80 
don't run your fucking paralyzed racket 
on me and expect sympathy, because you 
won't get any.” 

Frank yells more obsce 
don, but it is dear that La 
for Frank to be paralyzed fc 
of his life, if that is what F 
ants to do to himself, so pretty soon 
Frank gets unparalyzed. It is a striking 
illustration to me of what we сап do to 
ourselves to try to make others Wrong— 

nk was clearly w to conside 
ing paralyzed for the rest of his life 
1 to prove Landon Wrong 

We break for diuner at nine 
When we come back, we do a proc 
which we all have a chance to stand on 
few at a time, and do noth- 
while everyone else simply stares 
nd while a handful of specially se- 
lected robotlike est graduates strolls by 
stopping at random to stare at se- 
lected trainees. When my group is up on 
stage. I have the honor of Landon him- 
self walking up to me and spending sev- 
eral minutes or hours—I'm not sure 
which—tying to me down. A lot of 
people find that this process makes them 
burst into either tears or vomiting. I my- 
self find it oddly easy. 

The last process of the night finds 
most of us lying on the floor a: 
to imagine, first, that the people on 
sides of us are terrifying to us, then realiz- 
ing that we are terrifying to them. IE the 


P.M. 


process before dinner was notable for in- 
Sane screaming, crying and hysterical 
aghter. this one makes the other look 
like nursery school. I wonder what mass 
murders the innocent guests at the Stat- 
ler Hilton that night think are going on 
inside our closed ballroom. 

The last thing Landon tells us before 
we complete our first weekend of train- 
ing at only one A.M. is that, as frightened 
s we are of the man on the street, be he 
сор, mugger or what not, he is just as 
frightened of us. Landon jokingly sug- 
gests that during the next week, we try 
staring down someone walking toward us 
on the stre 1. when we are almos 
upon him. to suddenly yell “Boo!” The 
training day ends on an incredible 1 


with people flinging themselves out into 


the street, yelling "Boo!" at hapless 


passers- 


NID-TRAI 

In the week between the first and sec- 
ond training weekends, we have a Mid 
eminar, led by Davi 
Trainces stand and share that they 
having the highest highs of their lives. 
the lowest lows, that they gave up their 
. that they broke up 
with th mes or found new wonders 
in their relationships, that they yelled 
“Boo!” and scared the shit out of lots of 
mean-looking people. 

During this week, I have occasion 10 
phone the est office a number of times, a 
less Шап satisfying experience. First. 1 
find it sets my teeth. ever so slightly on 


iG SEMINAR 


jobs or got new on 


edge LE єз айыр: Ош Ds t 
by sayin; 


“This is So-and-so; how m: 
1 have had explained to me 
erence between help and assist 
once, how help s that the helper 
1 the helpee not OK, where: 
nce hus no such emotional charge, 
but still it sets my teeth on edge. I also 
find it sets my teeth on edge to be put 
on hold nected several times 
succession, а seems to be a spe“ 
cialité de la maison. 
During this we so get a call from. 
ned Suzanne Wexler in е 
on Осе of est head- 
ters in San Francisco. I don’t усі 
at her, but I do decide to be 


qua 
"Boc 


Dar 


“How may I as 


that she has heard I am 
cle about est for PLAYBOY. 
y this is true. She that at least 
three other people have told the est of 
fice they 
PLAY ROY. 


les about est for 
The old me instantly would 


have gone on the defensive. said. "Well 
you could check my editor,” and so on 
and so on. But all I say now is, "That's 


teresting.” Perfect. How like a landon- 
тст. Suzanne says that est isn't par- 
icularly interested in havi ide 
done on it. I say that that is interesting. 
too. She says that at one time, the est 


"I'm afraid it's either that or this Gase of 
the Speckled Band is beginning to prey on your mind, Holmes." 


213 


PLAYBOY 


214 


Office had wanted 


Public Information 
Werner to be int 
Interview but that m 
that Werner was 
mous enough 
terested. She asks whether 
interview We 
sure. She 
want to be interviewed by PLAYBOY now. 
“Well,” I say, more landonlike than ever, 
“either he will or he won't." That seems 
to throw her. 

My God, I think. not only does this 
est stull work, it even works on the est 
staff. Perhaps it even works on Werner 
himself! 


d ihat PLAYBOY wasn't 
T want 10 
her for my article. I say 
ays that Werner might not 


"HIE SECOND WEEKEND 


named 


not C: 
Hal Isen. Hal is au dressed 
in a sporis coat with spo collar 


ad he also talks and 
moves a good deal like Werner. T decide 
that all est trainers are little copies of 
Werner and should have Werner as a 
title: adon, Werner-Hal, Wer- 
and that the head 
Hed Werner-Werne 
Even though Hal is not Landon, which 
1 hold against him for a while, 1 soon 
ingly realize that 1 like Hal пос 
is much as Landon but more so. He 
s 10 have more of a sense of humor. 
be mo hu 1. Maybe 


outside the ca 


-L. 


aly 


He 
those are not good qualities in an est 


seems to 


trainer, but E respond to them 

The data that Hal gives us is from 
Werner's tia manual. of course, so 
йу a contin Landon had 
given © new 


ion of wl 


the week belore. There 


metaphors: Hal likens the w 


duct our lives to driving 
with the rearview mirr 
stecring wheel and co 
ing why we have so many ac 
There is the metaphor of the silver box: 
We treasure our best sex experience in- 


side a figurative silver box and every 
time we nother sex experience, we 
take out the one in the silver box 10 sec 


[ it was as good. If not. we judge it 
worthless and discard it. If it was betta 
we judge the old one worthless, discard 
it and put the new one in the silver box. 

here is a demonstration of how we 
make decisions and choices based on our 
considerations and prejudices rather than 
on the here and now: “Chocolate ог va- 
illa. which do you choose?" "V 
Why vanilla 


chocolate.” “Then your consideration of 
being allergic to chocolate is what cl 
vanilla. not you, Chocola 


“Chocolate. 
1 like choco- 
ion of liking 
not you. Chocolate or 
Y Choco. 
Inte.” “Why chocolate?” "Because i 
what T chose.” “Ah, perfect—you chose 
chocolate because you chose chocolate. 
And now, everybody. what is the sound 
of one hand capping?” hundred 
d 50 voices respond as one: "The 
sound of one hand clapp the sound 
of one hand clappi у how w 
hadn't se Plin as dh 


which do you choose? 
“Why chocolate?” "Beca 
late.” Then your consid 


chocolate chose 


lla. which do you choose? 


Two 


€ in the t 
re like Chinese food." observes a trainee 
named Вељу. "At first they fill you ир, 


“We've finally paid up on this $300,009 baby, 
and now they come up with one that can do the same job 


jor $79.9 


but an hour later you're empty again. 

because so much of 

1 philosophy." 

Onstage. Hal is waxing very philosoph- 

1. "What would you call a piece of 

chalk that expands in all di. 
ions?" he asks. 


s a young 


ng now either is more inter- 
ng than the first weekend or else we 
re putting up less resistance 10 what our 
fellow trainees are sa Pearl 
shares that she's come to the realization 
she is overeating to punish her husband, 
who likes skinny ladies. A fat lady named 
Connie shares thar she accidentally called 
the Statler Hilton the Staten Hitl 
At some point midway into the fourth 
gins speaking about the mind 
functions. The syntax could 
be chattio—eg., “The mind is a linear 
arrangement of multisensory total rec 
ords of successive moments of Now"—h 
the sense of it I find | ч. 
“The purpose of the mind. 
is survival—th 
of anyth 
self 10 be." 
s either Ri, 
Self- Justitie 
mind equates one end of the spectrum 
with survival, the other end with death, 
In other words. to be wrong or to lose 
is the same as death, The mind records 
y experiences of shocking p: 
loss whether near fatal or merely so 
agly n not as treats 10 У 
vival but as means to survival 
In other words, baby. you fell 
а nearly died 
somehow survived. this experience 
got filed in your baby brain under "Ways 
10 Escape Dying,” not under "Klutzy and. 
йар W; ys to Spend үз 
‚ 10 put it another way, if, as а baby 
н nearly drowned in a bathtub, then 
t got filed in your memory bank as a 
survival experience, and you probably 
havea history of near drownil 
Or—and as Hal says this, all my deep 
relationships with women in the past 
Mash before my eyes—if someone left you 
and you survived, then you think the ач 
you survive is lo have someone leave you. 
ing any bells with any of you out 
sure аз hell does with me 
then, What happens whe 
in your present environment is in 
iy way similar to any of these stored 
painful. so-called survival experiences is 
that the entire stack of them floods in on 


says Hal, 
survival of the being ог 
g that the being considers it- 
The mind. he says, sees things 


or 


Afternoon 


ny 


эш and has total command over you. 
actual 
-olds 


This explains why you often see 
ownups acting like nwo-yea and 
counts lor such phe for 
ample, the General Behavior of People 
in New York. 

wes on to ize that when 
such a stack of experiences takes you ov 
it literally runs you and you have noth 
1 to sty аһощ it, because you ате 


nothing but a machine—you have no 
choice but to react like an automaton: 
you are totally at the effect of whatever 
Stimul: 1 
button 

People in the chairs begin to grumble. 
Several of them stand up and object— 
they arc not machines. Hal persisis: We 
are all machines, we have no control 
over our lives, we are nothing but effect, 
«Пес, clfect. ellect. effect. And that, says 
Hal, grinning wickedly, is the message we 
have all come here to get. That is what 
we have each paid $250 t0 get. Do we 


e pushing your mechan 


well up inside me and in 
many of those around me. "I got it!” 
shrieks brownnose Frank and he begins 
giggling hysterically. All the zealots and 
brownnosers begin to giggle and say they 
got it. All the professional cynics like me 
begin to grumble and swear. I can't be 
lieve it—this is the culmination of four 
days’ data and processes? This is the hot- 
shit system that was going to transform 
ir lives? 
Hal asks all those who think they've 
gouen it to stand. They stand, grinning 
like the assholes I knew they were. 
Great,” says Hal. “Fabulous.” Then he 
asks all those who know they haven't 
gotten it to stand, These, he says. couldn't 
be so certain they hadn't gotten it unless 
they had gotten it. Several people fu- 
jously try to leave the room. All but one 


are talked back inside, grumbling. 

Now sks all those who don't 
know if they've gotten it to stand. I get 
up with a raggletaggle bunch of others 
and I en in а fairly drawn-out 
dialog tha ists of my being furious 
and not being able to show it and of 
telling Hal that there is no way I can 
win the argument, since he cin always 
defecar any point I make by defining cer- 
1 terms to suit his own purposes, and 
that is semantics and sophistry, Hal 
smiles and says I got it. 

At length 1 sit down, not because I'm 
satisfied but because I figure I can put 
all this in my article and point out what 


t person to sit down is a trucu- 
lent lady in one of the front rows on the 
lelt. The way Hal gets her to sit down is 
to whisper something in her ear. She gig 


gles and sits down. A moment later, she 
raises her hand, stands up and says. “I've 
been deaf in one саг all my life. What 
you whispered to me I just ed was 
in my deal ear. 1 heard it perfectly. I 
hear perfectly in my deaf ear now. 1 
guess I got it, after all.” 

The zealots all whoop and cheer. I am 
even more furious than before. All the 
rules I have been breaking covertly I 
now begin breaking right out in the 


open: I pop Excedrins, take notes, flash 
my watch, you name it. Curiously, 
body seems to notice. 


Being angry makes my head ache 
worse. I try not being angry. If you try 
not being angry when you're angry, Hal 


had told us carlicr, you are ly а 
your anger will persist. If you acknowl- 
edge your anger, take responsibility for 
it, experience it, it will go away. I ac- 
knowledge my anger, take responsibil 
ity for it, experience it. My anger goes 
away. Which makes my headitche go away. 
Which makes me angrier than ever. 
Which pets my headache back again. I 
m experiencing what est calls an upset. 
On the next break, Fat Pearl is growl- 
ing that she didn't need to spend 82 
to learu that she is a machine and that 
she over use she overeats. Dory 
asks her if that is all she got for her $250. 
No,” says Fat Pearl, ^I learned how to 
say fuck—tuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I'm 
going home and tell my husband not to 
fuck with me. 

The fourth day is over close to five 
лм. N the end, old est graduates 
come out and, as we pass into another 
room for our graduation ceremony, they 
applaud us. If I weren't still so furious, I 
might have found the experience very 
moving. 

Shortly fiv 
The sky is already. getting 


s be 


ar 


dismissed. 


ht. Dory 


we are 


and I go to my house, sit out on my roof, 


drink champagne and orange juice and 
watch the sun come up. Since there are 


I hones 

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I want my man to know what pleases me 

But, like many women, I had a problem. 

Orgasm hasn't always come ea 

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I discovered how this totally new System 

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T 


POSTIRAINING 
alter our second weekend, 
we go to yet another hotel for our post- 
ining ar. the s 
and I am appalled to note how 
am to sce him and all the other 
members of my uaining group: Fat 
Pearl, who stands and shares that she's 
lost three pounds in the three days since 
the training ended, old stuck-on-herself 
even brownnosing old Frank 
es us to sign up for the first 
of luate sem rs, titled “Be 
Here Now.” There are ten seminars in 
cach series and they cost three bucks а 
night. Est is not making an enormous 
profit on them. A lot of members of my 
taining group sign up. I do not. 


A few days 


sen Hal is 


аг 


In the next [ew days, many friends call 
and ask me how I liked the training. I 
say it was soso—a lot of sophistry. a lot 


of semantics, a lot of boredom. The best 
parts of it, I tell them, are similar to 
things I am getting in group therapy, 
yway but that Dory seems to have 
gotten a lot out of the training. She's 
becoming more assertive, more willing to 
tell people what she wants from ther 
Dory really got a lot out of it, 1 tell them, 
but not me. 

And then а cur 
hear 


happens. I 
somebody who hasn't taken the 


waining put it down inaccurately and 1 
hear myself ac first correct him and then 
go on to say that the training was valu- 
able. I actually hear myself say those 
words And then, a few days later, it 
happens —] actually hi y 
defend est. By the time it happens a 
third time, I am forced to revise my posi- 
tion and, when asked about it, merely say 
that I thought the training had value. 
That was in the beginning of July. In 
the beginning of August, I went off to 
East Hampton for six wecks, vowing not 
to return to New York for any reason till 
at least mid-September. The est ollice in 
San Francisco called and asked if 1 still 
wanted to interview Werner. I said I did. 
‘They said they still didn't know if Wer- 
ner would talk to me but that he might be 
in New York in a few days, on August 
seventh, 16 do а special guest seminar at 
the Felt Forum and that, if he decided to 
see me, that might be it good opportu 
I said 1 wasn't going back to New York 
till at least mid-September under any 
circumstances. They said that Werner 
probably wouldn't see me, anyw 


ity 


A MEETING WITH W 


NER HI 
'dless of all 


ry. I find 
New York. 


ELF 

On Augu 
pronouncements to the cont 
mysel! The Plaza Hotel i 
shaking hands wih Wi 
Werner is good-looki 


d expensive-look 


ulets and tana 


ish- 


“So you're a coke dealer 


bottling or merchandising?” 


gold slacks. He looks slightly shorter and 
pudgier than he seemed from a distance 
when I saw him at the Commodore. 

1 have brought along a tape recorder, a 
note pad and about two dozen questions. 
I needn't have bothered. Werner i 
politely defensive, evasive, distrustful of 
journalists and talks about what Ле 
vants to talk about for the hour he has 
med me, Га dy done some re- 


ptized John Paul 
Rosenberg in the Episcopalian Church— 
his father, Joe. was a convert to Chr 
tianity around the time of Wi 

Werner married his high school girl. 
friend, Pat, and subsequently had four 
children with her. In 1960, he left his 
wile and children and disappeared. On 
the day he disippeared, he changed his 
name from Jack Rosenberg to Werner 
Erhard. “I had a very determined mothe: 
and an uncle who was a captain in the 
police department.” says Werner, "so I 
wanted а name as far from Jack Rosen- 
Werner 
ames— 
Ludwig Er- 
ticle on Germany 
y plane that bore 


rd 


Heisenberg 
ard—he found 
in Esquire on the v 
him out of Philadelph 


W. "d his present wife, 
Ellen, on the West Coast and һай three 
children with her. They live in M 


County, just north of San Francisco. 
As to his skipping out on his wife and 


children and all the rest of it, Werner 
ys that he has communicated all this 
formation to thousands of people, 


which is the first step in taking responsi- 
bility for something, The second step, he 
says. is to correct as much of the damage 
that you've created as cin be corrected, 
and this he has done as well He has 
renewed his relationships with his former 
wife and his kids, his p s and every- 
else he skipped out on—they have all 
taken ext aining—and the 
ng to do, he says, is just to let it 
be. He is writing a letter to the graduates 
t about it, 
om that point on," he says, “I'm 
going to allow people to say whatever 
they hi y about my past and lec 
it be. I'm sure I will be accused of every- 
thing from being the 
illegitimate child to bein: 
er, to being a tax evade 
CIA agent” 
1 ask We 
lo sce me. 
“L felt that it was legitimate to spend 
some time with you, since you've been 
kind enough to take responsibility for 
ing the u g and since the feed- 
back we've goucn about your being i 
the taining was that you participated 
ather than stood back as 
in observer. I felt that that was а con- 
bution to communicating the wath on 


the 


her of soi 


Enjoy Lauder's 
King of the HillGan 


AS 
Charlton Heston Bill Cosby 


inal paintings oy Aldo Luongo 


Desi Arnaz Jr. Chris Connelly 


IMPORTED. 


ст OF Sco 15 
pore rm A | Lauder'sis the 


fine Scotch that 
doesn't cost like 


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the use of marijuana decriminalized. Let someone know 
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NORMES Romey Ciok Esq. Senator Philip Hat Stewart R. Mott Vera Rubin. PhD JThomas Ungereider. МО NORMUS BOARD 
ADVISORY BOARD New York Ciy US. Senate Washington, D.C. The Research instituie ИСТА Neuropsychiatric OF DIRECTORS 
Те Reverend Conon — Hugh M. Heiner Aryeh Neier forthe Study of Man, ние 105 Angeles 
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Norhwestem University The Catheciol Church Ol Sherif Richard Hongisto Union New York City DavidE Smith, MD Tucson, Arzona Washington. D.C. 
Edward M. Becher коеш San Francisco Joseph 5, Oleri. Esq. Haighl-Ashbuy Free Dorothy Whipple. MD Lony Schott 
West Сотмой, NOK CH, Samuel iwin. PhD. Boston, Massachusetts Mediol Canc. Georgetown Universiy, Washington, DC. 
‘Connecticut John Finlater University of Oregon Mox Palevsky Er Washington. DC. Frank E 
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Washington, DC Erich Goode, PhD US Senate Chief Wesley A Pomeroy RYO". Coloma 3 Lony DuBois 
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your part, so it was legi 
make at least some contribution to what 
you're doing.” 

All very well, and yet I haven't really 
gotten anything out of this interview that 
I've come for, and my hour is now up. I 
feel frustrated. I tell Werner that the sort 
of jou m I do has a lot more to do 
ith experience than reporting or inter- 
viewing. I tell him about the first piece 
of journalism I'd ever done, a story in 
Life about firemen. ГА gotten the assign- 
ment because I was terrified of fire and 
wanted to know more about it. To write 
the piece, 1 hung out with firemen for 
five months, riding on the fire trucks and 
racing into burning buildings with them. 
It turned out to be a good story, I say, 
because 1 was able to experience and 
communicate what it was like to be a 
fireman, 

Werner looks at me like I have said 
the magic words. It is as if he were listen- 
ing to me for the first time. I feel we 
have finally communicated—for only 30 
seconds of the hour, but it is at least a 
beginning. I tell him I want to talk to 
him again when he comes back to New 
York. He says OK. 


WERNER AT THE FELT FORUM 

The Felt Forum that night is packed 
with thousands of est graduates. Werner 
is not nearly as impressive as he was the 
night I saw him at the Commodore and 
decided to take the training. He speaks 
for a while and introduces all seven of 
his children and has them come up to 
the stage. He also calls up his mom and 
dad, his uncle Al and his aunt Edith, and 
kisses them all on the mouth. 

About the only thing he says that 1 
consider notable is about my visit with hi 
earlier that day: “A gentleman came up 
to sce me today who is writing an article 

bout me. Actually." says Werner, "he's 
writing an article about himself and I'm 
just a small part of it.” (Actually, / had 
said those very words to Werner at the 
clevator.) "Actually," says Werner, over 
the hoots of laughter that greet this 
statement, “he was the one who said that, 
and I thought it was terrific.” 


HOW ТО BE A JEWISH SON 

One belief I have always held, from 
the age of 17, when J first moved out of 
my folks home in Chicago, until the sum. 
mer of my 39th birthday, was that 1 was 
constitutionally incapable of spending 
more than three consecutive days in my 
parents’ company. The first day of any 
visit was always exceedingly pleasant, the 
second was always pretty nice, too, and 
by the third I invariably found myself 
snapping out grouchy, sarcastic replies to 
their most innocent questions and, in 
general, behaving like a high school 
sophomore, I happen to be very fond of 
my parents, you understand—ivs just 
that I have never been able to spend 


“For all night? 
Hmmmmm—for all night, I'll make it 
solid mahogany with Colonial bronze handles 
and paisley-satin interior...“ 


three consecutive days with them. I fig- 
ured this was simply an immutable law 
of the universe, like E equaling me. 

Shortly after completing the est train- 
ing, I invited my parents out to my house 
in East Hampton for a vacation. I in- 
vired them for a week and a half, but 
what I figured I'd do was spend the first 
weekend with them and then, on the 
third day, while I was being transformed 
into a teenaged Mr. Hyde, I would bab- 
ble something believable about story 
conferences in New York and then spli 

And so my folks came out to East 
Hampton and we spent an exceedingly 
pleasant first day together and a pretty 
good second one, and then, right on 
schedule, on day number three, I grew 
fangs and excess body hair and wanted 
out. I made my planned excuses about 
business in New York, and then I did a 
curious thing. Instead of leaving, I went 
outside into the woods and did a little 
heavy thinking. I thought about the part 
in the est training where I learned that 
1 was a machine and that all I could do 
was react, react, react, react, react. I won- 
dered what would happen if, as the cst 
trainers had suggested, I merely looked 
at what was happening and attempted to 
actually experience it through. I decided 
1 had nothing to lose. I went back into 
the house. 

The next thing that happened was that 
my mother and I had а serious discussion 


about some table ku . Mother sug- 
gested that I had a lot of knives in East 
mpton and that I ought to take some 
of them to New York. I replied that I 
already had enough knives in New York 
and that, were I to take any of those in 
East Hampton there, I would then have 
too many knives in New York. The old 
feelings started to well up inside me, but 
1 also saw that I was overreacting to the 
situation and I was able to get a grip on 
myself. The discussion about knives con- 
tinued until finally I burst out laughing 
and said, “Mom, what do I have to do to 
get out of this discussion?” and my father 
id, also laughing, “Tell her you'll take 
the damned knives to New York,” and 
Mom laughed, too, and that was the 
end of it. 

The next incident that occurred had to 
do with the bizarre fact that, although 
my parents аге so self-sufficient in their 
own home they are able even to do such 
traditionally un-Jewish things as basic 
carpentry and electrical repairs, the in- 
stant they come to my house, they are 
utterly baffled by such problems as How 
to Turn On the Overhead Light. I must 
tell you that a few incidents based on 
this phenomenon arose in East Hamp- 
ton, that I again found myself prepared 
to sm and bite necks, but that cach 
time, before things got out of hand, I was 
able to мор and look at what was hap- 
pening and experience it out, rather than 


217 


PLAYBOY 


218 that. Look, I won't get paid 


"Of all my reindeer, I like you the best!” 


react to it in the automatic way T had 
always reacted to such things in the p: 

I didn't go back to New York that night, 
alter all. 1 stayed for ten days and expe 
enced out every single silly situation and 
sarcastic teenaged overreaction that came. 
up. And, in our final and tenth conse 
tive evening together, my parents and I 
had a wonderful dinner together and 
drank a few glasses of wine and I was 
able to tell them for the first time in 
ye: that I loved them and was de- 
lighted they had come and even more 
delighted I had stayed. and that 1 guessed 
I wouldn't have to limit my visits with 
them to three days any longe 

І think my therapist, Mildred New- 
gets a lot of credit in the preced 
and so, I think, do T. And so, I'm a 
єз Werner fucking Erhard. Far out. 


1 GET WERNER TO Е 

On Odober 
other audience with Werner at The Plaza 
Hotel, I have made a point of telling the 
San Francisco office that seeing Werner 
for only an hour, as before, is of little or 
no value to me, but that is all they are 
willing to give me, I go to the Plaza with 
neither таре recorder nor note pad, and 
when I see Werner, I tell him why: An 
hour is too short for me to do the kind 
of interview I want, so perhaps we can 
use the time to get to know each other. 

It is as if we have never met. Werner 
is more defensive about још з and 
the press than he was the previous time. 
“Why should I let you interview me?” 
he says. "What do / get out of it? Every 
time I let somebody interview me, I get 
fucked. They misquote me, they get the 
most basic facts about me wrong—what 
assurance do I have that that won't 
happen with you?" 

None at all, I say. "But if it bad 
been my purpose to fuck you in print, T 

Jready have all the input I need to do 
ny more if 


I interview you th: I Чопл——1 wor 
get anything out of trying to spend 
with you except, hopefully, a cleare 
ture of who you are a 
about. In my t 
and over again that we were assholes 
because we didn't experience people, we 
merely jammed them into our belief sys- 
tems. And yet that’s exactly what you're 
doing with me—you're not experiencing 
me, you're jamming me into your belief 
system of what a jou s" 

Werner nods his head. Once again 1 
see the flash of communication pass be- 
tween us. "OK," he says, "that sounds 
valid. Tell me something. Tell me your 
experience of the training. 

1 still have a lot of resentment about 
the training I tell Werner I feel there 
nt things in the 
ning, but there was also a lot of 
sophistry and a lot of boredom. 

“Boredom is a very high state, 
Werner. 

Werners sort of 
Jack Rafferty, comes i 
that he has to start dressing for his next 
appointment. As Werner continues to 
ilk to me, he steps behind a high-backed 
upholstered chair for modesty's sake and 
changes from his safari suit to a pair of 
slacks and а blazer. he's changing his 
pants, 1 think T see a dime falling out of 
Werner's loafer. I ask what the dime was 
doing there. 

Thats Werner's 
says Jack. 

Werner's emergency dime?" I say. 

n cise he has to make ап emergency. 
phone call, Jack. "See, Werner 
doesn't carry any money. I take care of 
all that kind of stuff for him." 

Werner comes out from behind hi 

and he and I and Jack proceed 
rd the ele: nd Шеп on down 
to the strect. As Jack is getting Wer 
cab, 1 say Uwant to spend a substantial 


pic 
d what you're 
were told over 


list 


ays 


ide-Kick-assistant, 
and tells him 


dime,’ 


emergency 


tors 


period of time with Werner the next 
time I see him. Werner says that the only 
place he ford such a luxury is in San 
Francisco; I say I'll be glad to go to 
ncisco but that I don't want to 
ve to keep starting over from square 
one cach time I sec him. Werner says 
that perhaps I won't have to next time 
and steps into the cab and says hell sce 
me when he secs me. I can't help won- 
dering, as Jack and I wave goodbye to 
Werner's departing cab, how, unless 
somebody is meeting him at his desti 
tion, he is going to pay his cab fare with 
ency dime. 


“BE HERE NOW” 


In mid-October, I enroll in the “Be 
nar series. This 
series is led not by trainers—who all live 
Werner in п Francisco—but by 
various members of the est staff in New 
York, Our most frequent group leader is 
a perverse and amusingly outrageous 
n whose name is Marvin. 

Marvin repeatedly badgers us about 
bringing guests to the seminars, so that 
the est staff can have a shot at enrolling 
them in the training. Most of us gradu- 

tes bitterly resent being badgered about 

bringing guests and say so. Mostly, we 
told that the resentment is our prob- 
lem, not est's. 

Much of the “Be Не w" series is 
about handling upsets. The upset I use 
most ly in the processes they 
give us tion at est for badger- 
ing us to bring guests. 


NOBODY ро 
The 
prompt 
late, yoi 
ritual 


* start 
- If you get there 
have to go through a lite 
t the door that goes like th 
The est volunteer at the door asks you if 
you're late. You say you are. The est 
volunteer asks if you have broken your 
тестеп to be there on time. You say 
yes. The est volunteer asks you if you 
take responsibility for breaking your 
agreement. You say yes, The est volunteer 
ks you if you are willing 10 recreare 
your agreement to be on time. You say 
yes and the est volunteer opens the door 
and lets you in. 
One night, I get to my “Be Here Now" 
at 7:13 and find the door to the 
vom already closed, with a 
guarding the door, 
with a plastic smile on her face. If you 
think airline stewardesses are robots, you 
should see some of the beauties they 
have at est—they make airline steward- 
esses look like Sicilians at a wedding. The 
ame tag on this particular robot's chest 
says she is бага Lee. 

Are you late?” says Sara Lee. I say 
I'm not—my agreement was to be there 
at 7:15 and irs only 7:13. "Are you late 
says Sara Lee. I say no, I'm not late, but 
she continues asking assholic questions, 
1 will be late. "Are you late?" says S 


seminar 
plastic est volunte 


Lee. I feel tension building up in my 
forehead. I feel my heart begin pound- 
ing in my chest. And then a curious thir 
happens 10 me: I realize in a blinding 
flash of clarity that I am 
perfectly willing to stand here the rest 
of the 


hit, possibly work myself up to 
an ulcer or a heart attack, simply because 
1 and I have to stick to my 
position and prove that a mindless ass 
holic robot named Sara Lee is Wrong 
(And I sneered at brownnose Frank in 
the training for his w ‚css 10 be para- 
lyzed in order to prove Landon Wrong?) 
Clearly, if I am willing to drop the 
entire issue of who's Right and who's 
Wrong, even though I know I'm R 
then I can go inside the fucking seminar 
room and get on with my life. It isn't 
fair that I should have to say I am late 
when I'm not, but then, as they told us 
in the training, whoever said that life was 
fair? 
"Are you late?” says 5: 
"Fuck yes,” I хау, "Im late 


Le 


SAN FRANCISCO 

At just about every est function I have 
ever atiended, there was one trainer in 
the room and a whole lot of trainees or 
graduates. But this afternoon, I am in 
a room in San Frandsco filled with all 
nine est trainers and seven trainer candi. 
dates and Werner himself, and the only 
nontrainer in the room is me. It’s a 
curious feeling 

What we are doing is eating a lunch of 
cold chicken in aspic. and 1 can't get over 
how normalJooking and normalsounding 
these est trainers are compared with the 
way 1 experienced. them in my training. 
Theres gorgeous old Landon and dy- 
namic Hal and several others Гуе s 
doing their supercharged est shtick, 
here they all are, shoving cold chicken 
into their cheeks, just like regular people, 
and talking without theatrics in a normal 
tone of voice 

A cherished belief of most people— 
myself included—about the est trainers 
is that they are all carbon copies of Wer 
ner and that they all look alike. Looking 
at them in a group. this concept is tough 
to hang on to, since they don't really 
look alike at all, and one has a beard, 
wd one is black, and three are women, 
and so on. Too bad. I really loved the 
concept of their all being little Werners 

The ır ers and trainer candidates are 
a pretty high-powered group. Not only 
are they able to stand on a platform for 
15 to 20 hours every Saturday and Sun- 
day and put on an act that any enter- 
ner would envy but most of them gave 
up fairly prestigious careers in academe 
or med 


пе or psychology to work for 
Werner. As a matter of fact, eight people 
on the est staff have doctorates, three 
have M.D.s (one of these is a psychiatrist) 
and six have doctor-of-jurisprudence 
degrees 

Suzanne Wexler, the nice PR lady I 


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219 


PLAYBOY 


220 room to hear tapes of Rich 


was mean to on the phone, shepherds me 
round during my San Francisco stay and 
introduces me to various members of the 
est staff, including est president Don Cox, 
who is a former Coca Cola exec and 
Harvard Business School professor, and 
John Poppy. who is a former editor of 
Look and Saturday Review and a very 
sweet man, indeed. Most est staffers 1 
see wear the ubiquitous est name tags, All 
est staffers are theoretically on call 24 
hours a day and are sometimes awakened 
middle of the night by a seemingly 
neverslecping Werner to clarify some 
couldn't have waited ill 


morning. 

Most of est's staff had been workit 
the small cheery office building where I 
had lunch. But est has now leased a 
substantial portion of a gigantic old 
building that looks like the U.S. 
ury, and this building will become est 
Central, controlling est's national and 

nternational activities. The est Public 
Information Olhce has already moved 
into the new old building. Near the door 
of the Public Information Office, I note 
a Big Brotherly sign to the effect that 
all staff members must, upon signing out, 
leave word where they can be reached, or 
else “contribute” five dollars. 

I find the slavish devotion of the staff 
to Werner and his apparent insistence 
upon same to be vaguely unsettling. And 
I do not at all understand est staffers’ 
eagerness to volunteer so much of thei 
time to work for Werner without further 
remuneration. Indeed. this eagerness 
reaches such absurd proportions that I 
have heard rumors that staffers are fined 
$100 a day every time they work more 
than six days a week for est! 

Such zealousness seems greatly at odds 
with the increased independence and 
heightened feelings of self-worth that 
most est graduates report as a result of 
the training. Commenting on this ap- 
parent dichotomy, former est trainer 
Stewart Emery wryly observed in the 
December 15, 1975, issue of the Boston 
East West Journal: "The purpose of est is 
to serve people. The purpose of the est 
staff is to serve Werner.” 

That night. I again find myself eating 
with Werner, this time not in the small 
bright office building on Union Street 
but in Werner's dark, tastefully restored 
Victorian mansion on nklin Street. 
The fare is not cold chicken but chilled 
glasses of kir, endive stuffed with а 
ber and dill, 
mushrooms. The table is piled high wi 
fresh ferns and flowers and the meal is 
served in the softly lit dining room by 
two est staff members dressed a butler 
and a maid, both wearing name tags. 
Present at the table with me and Werner 
are Bob, Jim, Ernie and Bernie, who 
are all professors at Stanford. 

After dinner, we adjourn to the living 
rd Pryor, in 


g in 


aff member who 
lizes to say: 


the midst of which the st 
serves as butler materi 
“Wemer, it's ten o'clock. Your next ap- 
pointment is ten-thirty." I don't remem- 
ber ever being at someone's home for 
dinner when he excused himself for an- 
other appointment, but then, Гуе never 
been to Werners for dinner before. 
Werner bids us farewell, tells me and 
the Stanford professors we're free to tarry 
as long as we like, and then moves on to 
his next appointment. 

The following day, Werner has prom- 
ised me a lunch with just the two of us, 
ng which PH be able to ask him all 
the questions I never finished asking him 
in New York. 
ch is on an upper floor of the 
1 served Campari and 
without having been 
asked what I wanted to drink, just as the 
previous night we had all been served 
glasses of kir without being asked. When 
the food comes, I begin my interview. 
Werner," E say, “why is the attitude 
of the trainers so tough, so militaristic? 

“It's not militaristic,” says Werner. 

“OK, then, tough. People say fascistic. 
People say Nazi 
Ivs neither f. mili 
nor any of those things. It is . . . very one- 

lis very what you might call un- 
sympathetic. And the reason behind that 
is that were tying to create a situation 
in which people can learn something 
from their own way of being. Now, if you 
do A, and I do B when you do A, if you 
switch to C and then І switch to D, 
you don't know where the fuck you're at. 
Bur il, no matter what you do, I'm 
doing A, you always know where you're 
. It’s always you, it’s never me, That's 
why I tell people that my guru is gravity. 
Or the physical se. See, you can't 
move the phys verse, It doesn't 
give a fuck. Now, is the physical universe 
istic? Is it militaristic? No. It's simply 
the way itis. 

“Specifically.” 1 say, “people make 
reference to why the trainers call the 
trainees assholes, why they yell at them, 
and so on. There is a very definite at- 
titude taken. 

"Now, thats a very different story,” 
ays Werner. “The purpose of that is to 
engage people. We don't want people to 
go through the taining as observers, 
Dan. We don't want them to go through 
the uaining in their heads We w 
them to go through the training exper 
entially. And so it’s important, then, to 
engage people, And the way you engage 
people is you tell them the truth. That 
ways engages them. Particularly that 
thing which they've been tying to hide. 
And the one thing everybody's trying to 
avoid is being an asshole. I mean, people 
are actively trying to avoid that. 

о, by calling them assholes, you're 
forcing them to confront what they've 
been trying to hide?" I say. 

"Mmmmm." 


1 many rumors about 


“There are a prea 
est and Nazi thing 
graduates greet one another with a Nazi 
salute, and so on. Where do you think 
such rumors come from! 

“There is actually a whole N 
in people's heads. That Nazism d 
ppen outside us, it happened inside 
us. 


"How do you mean?" 
"That it was a function of something. 
1 carry around in us and 


“Latent sadomasochism or what?" I say. 
hat's a little too Freudian for me, 
says Werner. 

l's my own feeling that people are 
turally suspicious and afraid," I say. 
d also that nobody quite knows how 
to deal with the whole Nazi thing. And 
the combination of your name being 
Wemer Erhard. id the fact that the 
training is so tough, I think. conspires to 
bring out people's ambivalence about it: 
their fascination for it, the horror of it, 
e 
The whole d 


of it. I agree total- 
ly, “Yeah, it Outward 
Bound were headed by a guy whose name 
was Werner Erhard, they'd have the same 


concern, perhaps. By the w 
the harshness the waining, if I can 
call it that, has a similar purpose to 


Outward Bound purpose of putting 
you out in the wilderness.” 

“Which is what?” I say 

“Which is that you've got a stable 
thing against which t» match yourself. 
And it’s a thing that is tough enough 
so that you can’t bullshit it. You know, 
it’s very hard to bullshit a ten-mile hike. 
First off, it doesn't give a shit. No matter 
what you say to it, it doesn't care. So 
you have to listen to your own bullshit 


when you're talking to it. 
‘Could you tell me in very brief terms 
how you hope est could transform 


sentence, if 


I say. "In on 


Werner laughs at the notion of trying to 
sum it all up in one sentence, then won- 
ders if it be possible. “By making 


to themselves about themselves.” he says 
at last. 
Do you i. 
“That wasn't bad, he says. 
„ it was very 1 Werner, 


has it occurred to you il 
years’ time, there'll be у 
iduates they could constitute a political 
bloc And, if so, what could be done 
about that? Could it be a political party, 
could it be an instrument for effecting 
social change . 
“Yeah, it could be all those th 
And, mostly, that would be a mista 
expect est 10 have an enormous impact 
on politics, but not as a political thing.” 
п telling the truth? 


an influence 


Ves. Let me give you an example. 
There was a man in Honolulu who, at 


SR 


0 — 


“Bring in another!” 


221 


PLAYBOY 


the time he took the training, was head 
of the socialwelfare programs їп the 
ii: the prisons, the welfare 
program, whatever. And the program 
he had put together was presented to the 
and it failed in the legislature 
ends of 
g- He made a public statement 
to the press that the program had failed 
in the legislature, not beccuse the legis- 
5 crappy but because he had not 
done a good enough job in presenting it. 
The press was flabbergasted. They lit 


ig to start tell 
nd of politi 
c Fd like to see est hav 

“Why is the training sold so h. 
say. "Do the staff members get some 
of commission or cash incentive? 

“There is no incentive other than 
their own personal incentive to do any 
of this. They are definitely told if a 
person says he's not interested in tal 
the training to immediately termi 
the thing.’ 

Au cst staffer comes and 
Werner memo. Werner reads it and 
gets visibly agitated. 

“Do you know what it just cost us for 
me to read this memo, Locker” says 
Werner. “You could have had somebody 
else make the decision and do it wrong 
nd it would've taken 155 of my time and 
cost less, You could. e let the dog de- 
ide this—you could have given this 
decision to the dog.” 

Locke withdraws apologetically. As he 
leaves, Werner's dog, Rogue, having per- 
haps heard he was needed, wots into 
the room. But Locke docsn't ask Rogue 
10 decide anything, and neither does 
Werner. 


truth, 
eu 


“There is a rumor about,” E say, "that 


your lawyer, Harry Margol 
money to a secret bank account in the 
Caribbean and that he's been indicted 
on tax evasion. I wonder if you'd set 
ight on that. 

et bank account in the 
"What hap- 
pened was that the Justice Department, 
through the grand-jury system, indicted 
Harry for conspiracy to make false state- 
on tax returns. 
"For the tax returus of his clients? 


‚В sending 


1 say. 

"Yes. And one of the clients mentioned 
was us. We were not mentioned as co 
conspirators, We were mentioned in 
there merely because our tax return was 
one of the tax returns on which the 
Gove con- 
spiracy involving Harry and other people 
% make ly fale statements. 
Now, the Government's indictment, whe 
it finally came to be presented in court, 
was so inaccurate that the Government 
had to ask to withdraw it, which the 


ament alleges there was a 


know 


222 court allowed it to do and allowed it to 


present another indictment.” 

“But was est ever found guilty of any 
improper procedures?” I say. 

Est wasn't even charged with any 
improper procedures, let alone found 
guilty,” says Werner. 

“The other rumor is that Jesse Korn- 
bluth js that you threatened to kill 
someone.” 

“What actually happened was that I 

used to live in an apartment complex in 
iusalito that was on the bay. What 
you did was to drive into the parking 
lot there, and in one place in the parking 
lot there was an clevater. One night, 
somebody drove me home. They pulled 
up in front of the elevator and we were 
sitting there talking until I got out to 
leave. The guy who guards the lot 
shined his spotlight in the windows of 
the car. I got out of the car and walked 
over to him and said, ‘Look, I live here. 
1 actually pay rent to park my car here 
nd to drive up and get out and all that 
stuff, and 1 would appreciate it, if you 
g from me, if you don't 
shine your light in my eyes but just come 
over and ask me whatever you want. I 
said, Don't forget that." 
A couple of weeks late 
drove me home again—it was G 
who's been working for me since before 
est, you met her—and we were parked in 
front of the same place. She had her 
lights on, because I was about to get out 
of the car, and the guy shined his spot- 
light in our eyes again. So this time, 1 
got out of the car and walked over to 
his car and said, ^ out of the car.” He 
began to roll the window up. So I opened 
the car door, reached inside, put my hand 
around his arm like this, at which p: 
he turned the тей flashing light оп 
of his car on and began to 
horn. So I pulled him the rest of the way 
out of the car, and as I did, he stood up. 
I grabbed him by the lapels like this 
and picked him ир off the ground a 
little bit, and I said, ‘I told you the 
last time you did that never to do that 
ain, that if you wanted to talk to me, 
you should come over to talk to me. 
vow, if you do it again, I'm going 10 
throw you over the fucking embank- 
ment.’ Which was about three stories 
down, by the way. 

“And he reached down like this, and 
I assumed he had a gun. I said, And if 
you pull that gun out, I'm going to 
shove it down your throat' By that 
time. Gonneke had pulled off to the side 
and parked the car, so 1 put the guy 
down and that was the end of that. 
told Gonneke to go home. 

"I went down to the apartment. A 
knock came at the door and there were 
two policemen with this guy. They said, 
“Не wants to make a citizen’s arrest for 
sault and battery.’ So I got dressed 
and we drove down to the Sausalito 


Police Department. They talked to the 
man and told him he might be subject 
to a suit for false arrest if he pressed 
this assaultand-battery thing and maybe 
he should reduce it to battery. So he did. 
I went and got fingerprinted, and so on, 
and by that time, the bail bondsman 
posted bail for me and we left. 1 hired 
torney, and the attorney talked to 

district attorney, and they agreed 
t if I was willing to plead guilty to 
disturbing the peace, that would suffice 
for them, they wouldn't have a trial and 
all that shit. In my naiveté, 1 agreed to 


an 
the 


эн say in your naïveté?” I 


"Well, because the thing was a definite 
overrea Dan, and it never would've 
stood up in tial. First, I didn't hit the 
guy and— 

Did he have a gun?” I ask. 

“I don't know. He had something he 
was reaching for." 

“It might have been a mint to freshen 
his breath 

“Whatever it was, he decided not to 
reach for it, because he didn't want it 
shoved down his throat,” says Werner. 
"E have mentioned that incident in 
public, by the way. Jesse didn't discover 
that incident. As a matter of fact, there's 
nothing that has been in the press so 
far that I haven't mentioned public— 
front of hundreds of people in some 
cuses and thousands of people in other 
cases. And Гуе spoken about that i 
cident a couple of times. № never oc 
curred to me that there was anything to 
report about it. Now I'm а liule wiser, 
so I know that if my shorts are striped, 
matter го be reported on.” 


JESSE'S ARTICLE 

An article by Jesse Kornbluh ap- 
peared in the March 19, 1976, issue of 
New Times. There were a lot of disturb- 
ing things in it, such as an explanation 
of est's tax-shelter setup, which involved 
Werner's selling the est data to a foreign 


company, which then licensed it to Erhard 


Seminars Training in a complicated 
manner; such as the matters of the fight 
with the security guard and of Harry 
Margolis’ indictment, which Га already 
discussed with Werner; such as the asser- 
tion that est hired a private detective to 
pose as a reporter and reinterview one 
of the sources of the article; and such as 
ners seemingly 
dictatorial control of the professional 
nd personal lives of those who work for 
him. 

Even though I expected the Kornbluth 
piece to be a kill piece, even though I 
new it had been written as a deliberate 
hatchet job, it still succeeded in shaking 
me up. If all Kornbluth said was truc, 
then maybe I was a sucker for finding 
value in est, for finding Werner himself 


personally likable. If Kornbluth 
ight. 1 had been badly conned. 

On Thursday, March 18, I was asked 
by a TV program in New York called 
Midday Live to appear opposite Jesse 
Korubluth. Kornbluth was, of course, 

i anti-est position. I was being 
ke the proest position. I re 
sented being placed in the role of сыз 
public defender when I had so many 
ions about est myself. 1 would 
ive preferred to kid it instead—est is 
asy to kid. But I felt that, despite my 
own reservations and Kornbluth’s allega- 
tions, I had gotten definite value out of 
the est tr p. and I felt that it was 
necessary for me to point it out whenever 
1 felt est was being criticized unfairly, 

It was a strange debate. Kornbluth, 
est person, acknowledged on- 
that he had really found the est 
itself valuable. I, the pro-est 
acknowledged all my reservations 
strange 


was 


The following night, Friday, March 19, 
est invited all est graduates who were in 
the media to a special seminar in New 
York that would give us an opportunity 
to talk to Werner about any number of 
things, including the Kornbluth article. 


THE MEDIA SEMINAR 


To the surprise of absolutely nobody, 
пешу all questions put to. Werner by 
the more than 200 est graduates at the. 
media sem had to do with charges 
n the Kornbluth article. Ques- 
out est's financial structure, 
Werner painstakingly described сыз 
legal status as an ultimately tax-exempt 
charitable trust based in the British Isles. 
To snide comments about this being an 
elaborate form of tax evasion, Werner 
replied that est pays the taxes appro- 
priate to its income and further observe 
t there is not a person in 
this room—there might be one or two 
exceptions—who does not pay as litle 
taxes as he сап possibly pay.” 

When pressed by a persistent ques 
tioner who implied Werner was guilty of 
improper conduct because of the Margolis 
indictment, Werner temporarily blew his 
cool: "How dare you attack my integrity 
with guilt by association?" he replied. 
“Look, if you're trying to make me 
Wrong, 7 know how to make ine Wrong 
much better than you could ever hope 
то do it. And I'm totally w g to do 
I have done evil things. Leaving a wife 
and four children is one hell of a lot 
more evil than any of the bullshit that 
comes up in any of the articles. There is 
not one fact that is in any way generally 
considered by people to be evil that 1 
have not shared publicly. Not one. 

“Look.” said Werner wearily, "it's per 
fectly all right for people to be suspicious 
of me and for people to be suspicious of 
est. If I couldn't stand the heat, I 
wouldn't be in the kitchen, kids. 


“The problem is, people think 1 pre 
tend that I'm doing this out of a love of 
mankind and that I'm really doing it 


it just so happens I'm smart eno 
give you that mudi in return—you'd 
love it. You sure would. And it would be 
а lie. I'm sorry. Because I do 
happen to work for money, either. 

You think if someone gave у 
money in the world, you'd go to a desert 
island or you'd get two broads and go 10 
Florida. You would like hell. You'd go 
back to work. And if you really got your 
shit together and you had no fears about 
anything and were totally secure, what 
you'd do is find a way 0 contribute 10 
people's lives, Now, / know that's impos- 
sible to believe, Y know it. And 1 know 
that the things Jesse said make you 
crazy. Look, I'm aware of all that—god- 
damn it, I'm the guy who put that train- 
ing together, don’t you remember 


A FINAL NOTE 

It is now nearly two years since I first 
heard Werner Erhard speak at the Com- 
modore Hotel. Werner's hair is shorter 
now and he has taken to dropping in 
on trainings and seminars unannounced 
and saying things like cst will go оп, 
even if its called something else and 
even if it’s without hi 

Two friends of mine took the trai 
recently and were surprised to hear their 
trainer, Randy McNamara, say that up 
ШШ a short time ago, est was an evil 


its own survival. That has changed, said 
McNamara, and now, unlike most 
organizations, est is solcly dedicated to 
ng people. Werner has issued а four- 
aped message 10 est staffers on this 
theme, and 1 have already seen some ol 
the repercussions. At an excellent grad- 
uate series called “About Sex," which 1 
attended, the pitch to bring guests was 
softened almost to a whisper. The fre- 
quent calls that est graduates used to get 
from the office, asking if one would like 
to assist at est functions or in the ofhce, 
have almost stopped. 

Fear of Werner and of cst continues 
to run high among people 1 know who 
have not taken the training, howew 
And when they ask me how I can pos- 
sibly have anything good to say about 
either est or Werner, I tell them, as 
dopey as it sounds, that all I know is my 
own experience, and that my experience 
of the cst training was that it was valu- 
able, and that my experience of Wern 
is of a likable man who scems to believe 
in what he has created. By the time this 
appears in print, it may be revealed that 
Werner buys his underwear from Fred- 
erick's of Hollywood or that he has 
romantic interludes with Lhaso Apsos, 
but, even if it is, that still won't retro- 
actively make the training I took invalid 
And that is absolutely all I have to say 
about est and Werner Erhard. 

Now, then. Let me tell you about that 
session with Reddi-Wip and Catherine 
Deneuve. 


“I believe Larry’s struck the right theme. 
We want awarm, folksy approach tailored to appeal 
to the average asshole in the street.” 


223 


224 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


FAIRY STORY 


One of England’s most eminent folklorists, 
Katharine Briggs, has just written a book 
on fairies—and, no, we're not talking 
about the kind who summer on Fire 
Island. An Encyclopedia of Fairies, Hob- 
goblins, Brownies, Bogies, and Other 
Supernatural Creatures will be published 
next month by Pantheon for $12.95. In it, 
you'll meet some mighty weird beings, in- 
cluding the Lamia (below), a hermaphro- 
dite spirit who devours men. Gulp! 


NOW YOU DON'T SEE IT, NOW YOU DO 
For all you lovers of fine—and unusual—art, SCM Corporation is 
sponsoring a curious waveling exhibition that's worth a look. The 
subject is anamorphosis—art that can be viewed correctly from only 
one perspective, often by use of a gadget, such as a mirror or reflect- 
ing cone. The current show is at the Brooklyn Museum, with follow- 
ups planned for other major cities. (Write to SCM's PR agent, Ruder & 
Finn, 110 Fast 59th Street, New York City 10022, for further informa- 
tion.) And, by the way, some of the exhibits—which date back to the 
15th Century—are pornographic. Need we say more? 


PRIME DOODLE TIME 

IF you're one of those nervous types who 
can’t watch TV without fidgeting at some- 
thing else, dig this: A company named 
Teleplay (6498 Surfside Way, Sacramento, 
California 95831) is selling an electronic 
gizmo called a Telepalette that enables you 
to doodle colored pictures on your video 
screen without ever leaving the confines 
of your easy chair. Budding Rembrandts 
can own one for about $100-$150 and, 
yes, the drawings can be erased—pronto. 


NUT CRACKERS 
‘The expression ladykiller takes on а whole new meaning when applied 
to readers of Fighting Woman Neus, а monthly newsletter devoted to 
girl talk on the subjects of martial arts, self-defense and combative sports. 
Valerie Eads, who specializes in kendo, publishes FWN out of 
9 East 48th Street in Manhattan; subscription rate is $6 a year—and 
for an additional $2, you can get Val's inspirational poster: YEA THOUGH 
1 WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH 1 WILL FEAR NO 
EVIL FOR I AM THE MEANEST BITCH IN THE VALLEY. Anything you say, Val. 


CLEAN SOUND 
Ah, there's good news tonight 
for tomorrow's Helen Reddys, 
Luciano Pavarottis and Tony 
Bennetts. Rowe Associates, 
Р. О. Box 22981, Honolulu, 
Hawaii 96822, is selling, for 
$6.50 postpaid, a microphone- 
shaped soap.on-arope de- 
signed specifically for those 
who like to sing in the show- 
er. The sound produced by 
Showermike is, of course, 
incredibly "clean"—and with 
cach mike, you get a booklet 
extolling the virtues of 
solo appearances as well 
as of duets, trios, quartets 
and larger groups. Grab опе; 
you're on in five minutes! 


DUTCH TREAT 


Fans of M. C. Escher, the late Dutch print 
maker whose bizarre lithos and woodcuts have 
generated a cult following, will be pleased 

to learn that Me Enterprises, 290 West End 
Avenue, in Manhattan, is mail-ordering Escher 
jigsaw puzzles at 57.95 postpaid for a black- 
and-white phantasmagoria and $8.95 for the 500- 
piece color job titled Another World, shown 
above. When finished, they look great framed. 


LIQUID GOLD 
Roy Andries de Groot wrote 
that he "was overwhelmed by 
an unimaginably complicated 
blend of sensuous impres- 
sions: of silk and velvet, of 
elegance .. of poise . . . of the 
skill and wisdom of almost a 
century.” Was De Groot mak- 
ing love to Mae West, per- 
haps? No, he had just sampled 
a snifter of Le Paradis, an 
extremely rare cognac import- 
ed by Chateau & Estate 
Wines in New York. Le. 
Paradis dates back to 1880; 
but at about $275 a bottle 
($3300 a case), we'd say the 
price was definitely 1977. 


THE GREAT UNKNOWN 


As his myriad fans already know, 
Frank Frazetta is probably 

the reigning sci-fi and fantasy 
illustrator in America today; 

his spectacular renditions 

of everything bizarre, from 
flying reptiles to marvelously 
full-breasted moon maidens, 
have a unique larger-than- 


life vitality that enhances GOING DOWN 

whatever literary work they're Looking for the perfect accessory to wear to 
accompanying. So, for 1977, an elegant winter picnic or to keep your navel 
Bantam Books (Box D, 666 warm while skiing? Get yourself a down-filled 
Filth Avenue, New York tie, the creation of Colorado resident John 
10010) has published the Mansfield, who peddles the puffy blue-only 
Frank Frazetta calendar—13 cravats for $18.95 each out of the Down Tie, 
color illustrations that depict Box 95, Telluride, Colorado 81435. With each tie, 
the great unknown. Far out! you get a sack to store it in and cleaning in- 


structions. No, it doesn't double as a hankie. 


PLAYBOY 


Motel Tapes continued from page 84) 


зуїлїл: If you want to know the truth, 
I think I was responsible for most of it. 1 
was the one who started hugging and kiss- 
ing and before cither one of us knew 
what was happening, he was calling me 
Dolly. That's what he always called Mom. 
BILL: That sounds so degenerate. 
svLvia: If you say зо. 
What happened finally? 
зіма: Never mind. Really 
o, really, what happened? 
h He died. Thats what 
pened finally. 


hap- 


. 

BILL: How'd he die? 

via: You're very interested in all 
this, aren't you? 

BILL: I've got to admit, it’s fascinating. 

syLvia: Would you like to see a picture 
of him? 

мл: You carry a picture of him with 
you? 


. 
вил: He looks like a Marine. Very 
tough. 

syıvia: He was tough. Whenever I 
look at that face, I think of his strength. 
He wasn't a Marine, He wasn't much of 
anything, really. Most of the time, he was 
a custodian—a janitor at the grade school 

mii: He was a grade school janitor 
and he screwed his nine-year-old daughter? 

syıvia: Nope. Not really. He was а 
relired janitor when he screwed his nine- 
year-old daughter. 

BILL: That must have haunted һ 
rest of his life. In later life, did he ever 
say anything? Did he ever go back and 
try to explain what happened that night 
when you were nine? 

зутліл: You're funny. 

BILL: What's so funny about that? 

SYLVIA: 
enough for one night. Im really е 
hausted and I'm sure you should be get 
ting home, too. 

1: I'd like to hear the whole story 
sometime. 

syrvia: He didn't die until 
ago. He was 86 years old then. 


syıvia: You're not—i 
one time when I was ni 
slept with him every night ш 

BILL: Christ! 

syıvia: I guess it must sound awful 
But it didn’t seem so awful to me. He 
was an old man, but he made love to me 
right up until the end. 

виз: By that time, 
known it was wrong. 

SYLVIA: I guess it must have been 
wrong, because everyone tells me how 
wrong it was. But I'm learning that a lot 
of things people say are wrong are not 


n't just that 
пе years old. I 


he diced. 


must have 


you 


2% all tbat wrong. Since he died, I've been 


with other men and I've never found a 
lover who could come near him in some 
ways. He was—even when he was 86 years 
old, he was a magnificent lover. 

pitt: I guess I've got to go home now. 

syrvia: Its getting late. 
nk you for tonight. 

syLvia: That's all right. I was wonder- 
ng what you'd be like. 
I'm sorry if I was shocked by the 
bout your father. 

e Everyone is. I don't know what 
makes me tell people that story. I guess it 
is shoc ad the you 
shouldn't be shocked. I suppose it was all 

Ш che time. But Ll tell you 
something. When he died . .. no daughter 
ever missed a father the way I missed him. 


s no reason 


wrong 


A BASICALLY UP-FRONT 
RELATIONSHIP LIKE OURS 


I can't believe you finally told 
"d he si 
им: Nothing. 
Mac: He ha 


МАС: 
im. Wh. 


ve some reaction. 


кїйє: That's what bothers me. Noth- 


for a 
ad then react. He may—I 
can’t even guess what he's going to do 
about this. 

aac: If he 
tellin 


day or two a 


as smart as you're always 
me, he may see this as an essen- 
experience. It seems to 
me that anyone in his right mind would 
want to get rid of the hypocrisy and get 
into a basically up-front relationship like 
ours. 

ELste: Mac, I've got to tell you some- 
thing. E don’t think Quince is looking at 
our little conversation as а basically pos 
€ thing. Not yet, anyway. If he is, he's 
keeping that bit of news pretty much to 
himself. 

aac: Well, then, that’s his hang-up 
You can't be blamed if he chooses to live 
his life by some prehistoric code. 

кїлї: Its just that I'm not sure that 
what works for you is going to work for 
Quince. 

MA 


Well. you tell me he's a basi 
up-Iront-type guy: 

ELSIE: That he 

aac: It follows, then, that he's going 
to prefer lly upfront approach 
toward life. And the fact there’s по 
y I would have gone on fucking you if 
you hadn't been able to be honest with 
him. 

ELSIE: I hate that word. 

MAC: I know. That's probably the rea- 
son I use it with you. People who attach 
other weight to the word fucking are not 
behaving in a rational manner. I don't 
get how someone who 
n get so emotional over. 


acıly did you say to old Quincy? 


пу 


w 


tional c 
What e 


Pretty much the same way we 
ussed it. That I had been unfaithful. 
That we had been making love for two 
months- 

Mac; Fucking. We had been fucki 
for two months. 

ELSIE: Im a 
have to remain your word, 
also told him the rest of it, that I hi 
made love to three other men during the 
course of our marriage and that I thought 
it was only fair that he have the same 
kind of freedom—without any guilt— 
that. 

mac: Right on. You went the whole 
route, then. I know it scems kind of 
rocky now, but he's going to have to 
ppreciate the fact that you were finally 
honest with him. 

ELSIE: It’s possible he's going to react 
to this in a different way than you might. 
He did say one thing. He asked me what 
made me think 
to any other woman. 

Mac: He's just saying that. 

ELSE: Mac, please don't be hopeless. I 

don't mind your being a little hopeless. 
Just please don't be utterly hopeless. 
Irs really amazing. We're all so 
used to playing games that when someone 
tries to be up-front, no one knows how 
to handle it. 

візе: If you think that, then I'm being 
ай to Quince. I can’t say whether he 
knows how to handle this or not. He said 
something else, something about not tak- 
ing the wedding vows lightly. 

MAC: That's such back number 

ELsiE; To you that’s a back number. 
To me that’s clearly been a back number. 
But you've never met Quince. 

mac: Maybe that should be the next 
logical step. There's no reason why not. I 
mean, give him a little time. Once he sees 
the big picture, there's no reason we can't 
sit down like mature adults and rap. 
It might do wonders for old Quincy. It 
might open his eyes to a lot of things. 

візи: 1 don't want io rain on your 
parade, but I don't think Quince is going 
to want to rap with you. On the other 
hand, he may just want to rap on you. 

мас: You're kidd No one's th 
primitive anymore. 

ELSIE: ] wouldn't be too sure 
that, Mac. I wouldn't count on it. 

мас: I can't imagine him not digging 


id, Mac. that’s going to 


MAG 


about 


piste: Mac, you really don't under- 
stand Quince at all. If he digs anything. 
he may dig your grave. I'm serious. I 
think you ought 10 know that. When 
Quince works this all out, he may just 
decide that the proper course of act 
10 kill us. 

Mac: Far ош! 
did that anymore. 


I didn't think 


“Who the hell are George, Buck, Ferdie, Paul, д; Olaf, 
Piggy, Jack, Joey, Sacha and Raoul ...?! 


227 


PLAYBOY 


228 


Бр GAR (continued from page 152) 


most of its drivetrain components are 
based on the slightly less elaborate ВХА. 
Producing 110 hp, the Cosmo is plenty 
fast—in excess of 100 mph—and may 


be the most silentrunning automobile 
on е! 


shway, regardless of price. 
the realm of small, two-door, 


15, one can probe almost 
ny level of price, up to the absurdly 
xpensive 595,000 Rolls-Royce Camargue. 
or into the more modestly priced Mer- 
cedes-Benz 450 SLC ($22,000), Maserati 
Khamsin ($30,000), Lamborghini Espada 
($35,000) or the sexy new 


really in context here. We are discus: 
usable automobiles, cars that can 


be 
driven to work every day and used for 


fun and socializing in the evenings and 
on weckends. The idea of trucking down 
the freeway through rain, fog and sleet 
each morning and evening at the wheel 
of a Lamborghini Espada, for example, 
makes no sense, which implies an upper 
mit of price for an automobile one 
would want to expose to the weather and 
driving vagaries of other commuters on 
a regular basis. A certain compromise is 
available in a pair of automobiles that 
provide the cachet of a famous manu- 
facturcr's marque, high levels of luxury 
and performance and price t that 
might be described as only modestly 
staggering. The Jaguar XJ6C is a two- 
door, coupe version of the famed x 
and XJ12 sedans—certainly the most 
rakish four-doors presently produced. The 
X]6C is similar ys. including 


Jaguars lavish led walnut 
id high-grade 1 the 
terior, a sophisticated, all- independent 

suspension and four-wheel disk brakes. 


Ine car is light and deft to operate and 
uuerly silent, even at highway cruising 
speeds, While it originally was available 
with the new Jaguar V12 engine, future 
models will come to the U.S, equipped 
only with the heavy, but stonereliable 
double-overhead-camshaft in-line six-cyl- 
inder. There are strong indications that 
Mercedes-Benz, the world’s oldest and 
most honored automobile maker, will in- 
Iroduce a coupe version of its all-new 280 
series in 1977, thereby giving the company 
an entrant high-line sporting-coupe 
field. The new car will be a smaller, more 
compact, much prettier version of the 280 
coupe presently sold in the U.S. market. 
It will, of course, embody all of the preci- 
sion and performance that haye come to 


great German firm. Both the Jaguar and 
the Mercedes-Benz will fall in the $14,000— 
516.000 range. 
them at the outer limits of practicality in 
terms of i nce costs, maintenance and 
ggravation. A more practical 

is about $10,000, where on 
can pick from a wio of wuly sporting 
hines, such as the new Porsche 924, 
the Alfa Romeo Alfetta GT and the aging 
but immensely popular Datsun 2802 242. 
ps the biggest news in the field 
Porsche 924, which marks a major 
milestone for the famous Stuttgart firm— 
it is the first fronemounted, water-cooled, 
in line engine to be marketed by the 
company in long and illustrious 
history. (In truth, the new variation is 
not entirely of Porsche's making. Now a 
rt of the giant Volkswagen-Porsche- 
Porsche inherited the 
nally designed as an 
ports саг. It iy in many ways a 
mmittee machinc—its 1900-с.с., 95-hp 


“Newellson, if you would please 
stop whistling the theme from T he Way We Were, 
perhaps we could continue." 


engine is a hotted. 
sion of the power plant that propels the 
VW Rabbit) The car is wonderfully 
smooth to drive and devoid of the nasty 
oversteering m: ers that typified older 
Porsches, and its hatchback body provides 
adequate rearscat space and plenty of 
luggage room. It is not a terribly rapid 
car, but, with an allindependent suspen- 
sion and nicely designed fourspecd trans- 
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itisfaction. It shares several important 
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erential, to improve weigh 
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five-speed, as opposed to the Porsche's 
fourspeed. Both use overhead-camshaft, 
four-cylinder engines of similar displace- 
ment, but the Alfa's produces 34 more 


nis 


horsepower, which, in company with 
slightly less weight, gives it somewhat 
better performance. However, neither 


is blindingly fast (0-60 in approximately 
ten seconds; top speed about 115 mph) 
and their assets lie solely in fine engi- 
neering, superb handling and braking. 

It is likely that since its introduction 
in 1969, the Datsun Z car has become the 
most ar sports machine їп the 
come a long way, in terms 
е (nea ly double iis arig aal 


jection, dis sixcy 
proved 


ion, ai 
automatic 

but perhaps the 
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242 version, as opposed to 


suspen: 


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etc), most 


troduction of a 


the limit of two in the origi 7. саг. 
While it is a heavier machine. at nearly 
3000 pounds, than either the Porsche or 


the Alfa, and has a somewhat more bulky 
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to detail that can come only through 
years of perfecting a stable and basically 
solid design. Its reliabl 
injected engine develo; 
it excellent performance (about 120 mph) 
and its all-independent suspension keeps 
its four feet on the ground under the 
most demanding сопа 

So there we have it, a stable of reason- 
ably priced, well-designed urban sport- 
sters that wi nity and 
your social life, at least until you accu- 
mulate enough capi a Mercedes- 
Benz 450$Е or move 10 the south of 
France, or both. Just remember one 
thing: For the price of one Rolls-Royce 
Camargue, you can buy about 24 Honda 
Accords, And at II mph on a rainy 
Friday night, in the middle of a clogged 
freeway, who will know the 
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230 


PATTY HEARST TRIAL (continua rom рети) 


viciousness of the FBI"—a mispercep- 
tion shared by Martin Luther King. Jr, 
Fred Hampton, Dennis Banks—so he 
asks Patty if it had occurred to her to 
turn the Harrises in. 

“I was afraid. They aren't the only 
people like that running around . . 
there were many others who could've 
picked up right where they left olf.” 

Browning wondered if they really had 
such “power over your life.” 

“They did. It's happening right now.” 

“Has somebody been killed?” 

Suddenly, Patiy switches from her 
usual monotone to a hurried delinea- 
tion of the latest terrorist threats 
and broken pron | Simeon was 
bombed. My parents received а com- 
muniqué demanding $250,000—" Your 


Honor, please, the witness is leading the 
prosecutor 
But it’s too late, The jury has heard 


her. Browni ters weakly, "Was 
anybody 
Before the trial, defense auorney John- 


son had protested, perhaps too much, 
that, “contrary to what Sheriff! McDonald 
says, [Patty Hearst and Sara Jane Moore] 
have not exchanged cordial : 
1 don't want any inferences drawn from 
any conduct of the two of them simply 
because they are in the same institution, 
because there is absolutely no connection 
between the two cases.” But there was a 
missing link: the murder of Wilbert 
“Popeye” Jackson, The leader of the 
United Prisoners Union had been killed, 
together with a companion y Voye, 
while they sat in a parked car at two 
o'clock in the morning. I learned from 
impeccable sources the hit was 
known in advance within the California 
Department of Corrections, the FBI, the 


But now—in mid-February, 

while the Patty Hearst trial was in 

process—a similar charge was made in 

the company of some pretty evil accusa- 

tions when a Berkeley underground 

group called Tribal Thumb prepared 
statement: 


It has become known 0 the Trib- 
al Thumb orbit that the CIA, FBI 
and CCS [Criminal Conspiracy Sec- 
tion] have made undercurrent moves 
to establish a basis for the total erad- 
ication of the Tribal Thumb Com 
munity. . . . [They] are involved in 
working overti 
mystery of Popeye 
tion in an cflort io plant Ti 
Thumb in a web of conspirac 
that execution... . 

The FBI's heavy involvement it 
the case of Popeye's death largely 
e to the death of Sally Voye, 


to unravel the 


is di 
who 


(outside her employment as a teach- 
er) as a narcotics agent for police 
forces. Moreover, she was Popeye's 
control agent. Popeye was an inform- 
er on the movement. 

al days ago, Patty Hearst was 
slipped out of her jail cell by the 
FBI and Mr. Randolph Hearst and 
en to a nearby jail to identify а 
man being held there (we're with- 
holding his name for now) who was 
allegedly closely associated with 
Tribal Thumb, to make an identi- 
fication of this man's alleged traf 
ficking of large quantities of arms 
to Tribal Thumb and the Symbion- 
ese Liberation Army. The result is 
that Miss Hearst pointed the com- 
rade out as the trafficker of such 
apons.... 

Donald DeFreeze escaped from 
the California prison system with 
help from the FBI and California 
prison officials His mission was to 
establish an armed revolutionary 
organization, controlled by the FBI, 
specifically to either make contact 
with or undermine the surfacing 
and development of the August Sev- 
enth Guerrilla Movement. 

We make note of the fact that 
the first communiqué issued by the 
S.LA. under the leadership of 
Donald DeFreeze was in part a dupli 
cate of a communiqué issued by the 
A.S.G.M. Further examination of 
those communiques establishes that 
the A.S.G.M. had surfaced and was 
a the process of developing some 
kind of operational format, when 
the S.L.A. hastily moved, hard 
pressed for something spectacular to 
cut off this thrust by the A.S.G.M. 
The result was the incorrect and un- 
founded death of Marcus Foster. 

It is evident that the FBI through 
its sources of information knew of 
the underground existence of the 
А.5.6.М. and that the movement was 
obviously making plans to become 
public knowledge via armed actions 
against the imperialist state. Having 
had their attempts to infiltrate agents 
into the A.S.G.M.’s mainstream frus- 
trated, they sought the d 
od of establishing an organization 
they could control. So they made 
three approaches: Donald DeFreeze, 
who was in contact with Nancy Ling 
Perry, who worked at Rudy's Fruit 
Stand, from whom Patty Hearst 
often bought bagels and fruit juice. 

DeFreeze was let loose and given 
a sale plan to surface as an armed 
guerrilla unit. That plan was to 
Kidnap Patty Hearst—strategized by 
the FBI, Randolph Hears, Patty 
Hearst and Nancy Ling Perry. The 
format of that plan of kidnaping 
Patty Hearst was extracted from a 


w 


erse meth- 


published by a publishing 
company named Nova owned by 
the Hearst Corporation, entitled 
Vanished. . . . [Tribal Thumb most 
likely meant Black Abductor, by H 
rison James, pseudonym for James 
Rusk, Jr, which was published by 
Regency Press, a company not affili- 
ted with Hearst in any жау) 


On April eighth, after Patty had been 
found guilty, a frontpage story in the 
Examiner began: 


Would-be Presidential assassin 
Sara Jane Moore and the Patricia 
Hearst case are intricately linked i 
the web of evidence that led to yes- 
terday’s arrest of the accused mur- 
derer of militant prison-reform leader 
Wilbert “Popeye” Jackson, authorita- 
tive sources have told the Examiner. 

These sources said Ms. Moore, 
now in custody in a Federal prison 
in San Diego, will be a star witness 
in the trial of the accused slayer. . - 
And it was the arrest last берге: 
of Miss Hearst . . . that led to the 
break in the case, according to the 
primary investigators in the case... . - 

Rooked into the San 
County 


ex-convict who has been in the Santa 
Clara County Jail in San Jose since 
last summer on an armed-robbery 
charge. ... London is a member of 
a revolutionary band called the 
Tribal Thumb and was a former 


member of Jackson's militant prison- 
United 


reform. 
Pris 


group called. the 
ers Union. » 

.deral and local author 
denied a report circulated by Tribal 
Thumb sources that Miss Hearst, 
convicted of bank robbery on March 
20, was taken to the Santa Clara 
jail to identify London last week 


Why this change in chronology? The 
original Tribal Thumb statement alleged 
that Patıy had identified London as a 
gunrunner for the SL. and Tribal 
Thumb more than a month and a half 
previously. The truth is that she secretly 
began to turn state's evidence early in 
her trial. Usually, defendants tell. what 
they know before trial, so the prosecu: 


can decide whether or mot to ple: 


gai 


and avoid a trial, But this particular 
al had to be held in order to avoid 
giving any impression of plea bargainin 
In a manner of speaking, Patty had been 
gangbanged behind the tent at the 
Hearsiling Brothers Browning & Bailey 
Bread and Circus by both teams, prosecu- 
tion and defense, while they were adver- 
saries in a ийа] that was more carefully 
staged than a TV wrestling match. 

In court, Judge Oliver Carter always 
seemed like r Fudd about to snap, 
I'm gonn pesky wabbit!” He 
had once sentenced Hedy Sarney to two 
and a half years for bank robbery. She 


claimed at her sentencing that Tribal 
Thumb 4 made her do it. Now 

y reminded him that he had com- 
im of coercion came 
nd that she had refused to 
inst the people she accused of 
forcing her to commit the crime, whereas, 
the case of Patty Hearst, said Bailey 

у. “Your Honor has been made 
of some facts which are relevant to 
Fhe judge sentenced Patty 0 95 
years, pending the results of 90 days of 
psychiatric testing. He announced, I in- 
tend to reduce the sentence. How much 
1 am not now prepared to say.” But 
while Patty still being probed by 
the shrinks, Judge Carter died from an 
overdose of natural causes and it was ru- 
mored that his replacement would sen: 
tence Patty to working as a teller at 
the Hibernia Bank for rehabilitative 
purposes. 

It is considered not unlikely that Pop 
eye Jackson could have been killed by 
police agents—to neutralize yet another 
black leader, rather than because he was 
supposed to be an informer. The United 
Prisoners Union reasons that “if Pop- 
eye had been interested in snitching, he 
would have made all efforts to keep up 
his contacts with the N.W.LF. rather 
‘cold and distant’ or allow for 
derstanding.” 

Bat is possible, as Tribal Thumb 
pointed out, that Patty Heart partici- 
pated in the planning of her own kidnap- 
ing while ostensibly buying bagels? 

An S.L.A. manuscript stated they 
expected more trouble from their intend- 
ed vi since we were planning on 
carrying her away, but she turned out to 
be real cooperative. She just lay down on 
thé floor while one of the comrades tied 
her hands and blindtolded her 

When she was being interviewed in 
jail by prosecution psychiatrist Dr. Ha 
ту Kozol, Patty pulled a Raskolnikov— 
the character in Dostoievsky's Crime and 
Punishment who cannot repress the force 
of his own guilt—by darting from the 
room and complaining that Kozol had ac 
cused her of arranging her own kidn 
ing. Bailey asked him on the witness 
stand, "Did you suggest that she got her- 


o. 

In the first interview, Kozol questioned 
her about Willie Wolfe. 1 told her that 
Id heard her speak tenderly of him [on 
the final taped communiqué] and I asked 
her this question: "Is that the way you felt 
about him? She seemed to get upset and 
deeply moved, 1 felt she was almost sob- 
Ding inside. . but no tears ran dow 
her fac She said, 'I don't know 
how 1 feel about him.’ I said, "I'm not 
g you how you feel. Is that how you 
She became very much upset, be- 
gan to shake and quiver, obviously suffer- 
ing. And she answered, ‘I don't know 


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why I got into this goddamn thing— 
shit!" And then got up and left the room, 
terribly upset." 

Got into what god 
«ould have been rc 
ment to talk with psychi 
decision to join the € 
naping itself. 

In the second interview, when she de- 
scribed the kidnaping scene, Kozol asked 
if there was anything else. He testified, 
“There was some delay. She was sort of 
thinking. She began to look very uncom 
fortable and I told her, ‘Never mind." 
And she said, T don’t want to tell you." 
And E said, “That's OK, if it makes you 
uncomfortable, and then she blurted 
that she was going to tell me anyway. 
told me that four days before the 


amn thing? Paty 
g to her agrec- 
гы, or to her 


L.A., or to the kid- 


she was suddenly struck 
fear that she was going to be kid 
This was an overwhelming 
ed with her. I s; 
prising about a girl from a wellto-do 
family worrying about kidn: She 
brushed it aside id, It wasn't any- 
thing of the sort. Tt was different.” For 
four solid days, she couldn't shake the 
fear. She finally thought in terror of run- 
g home to her parents, where she 
would be safe. She somehow fought that. 
Then the thing she dreaded occurred.” 
Alter she was arrested, there was а j il. 
house conversation with her best friend 
since childhood, Trish Tobin—whose 
family controls the Hibernia Вац 
duding this excl 


sur- 


You." 


ying? 


1 can just imag 

тизи: "Oh. well, ‘that fucking little 
rich bitcl юп know. on and on—and 
they said, She planned her own kid- 
"41 uck you, you don't 
know what the fuck you're talking about. 
I don't even cure if she plans her kid- 
naping and everyone's in the world, so 
you know something, I don't wanna 
hear shit out of you!’ " (Laughter) 

The gossip was that Patty had arranged 
her own kidnaping in order to get out of 
her engagement to Steven Weed in as 


adventurous a way as possible—"I guess 
1 was ha second thoughts,” she ad- 
mitted. © isn't sure he was somebody 


І could stay married 10” but that she 
way then double-crossed and manipulated 
into becom r- 

The f Л.А. member 
Willie Wolfe hired Lake Headley— 
: intelligence officer who was 
stigator at Wounded Knee—to 
find out what had really happened. What 
le discovered, with fellow researchers 
Donald Freed and Rusty Rhodes, was 


that the SL.A. was part of the CIA's 
CHAOS program. In that context, it 
was plann o kill Black Pa der 
Нису Newton and succeeded in killing 
black school superintendent Marcus Fos- 
ter after he agreed 10 meet Panther 
demands for educational reforms. At 
е. DeFreeze was permitted to set 
up Unisight—which was outasite, because 
convicts could get laid by visiting fen 


ther 


ales. 
itors 
included Nancy Ling Perry, Patricia 
Soltysik—and Patty Hearst, then 18, not 
der her own name using 
the J. D. of Ma Alice Siems, a student 
at Berkeley. His afhdavit states: 


but 


That Patricia Campbell Hearst 
and her parents disigreed bitterly 
over Patricia's political and personal 
rel:tions. That a love affair between 
a black man and Patricia Campbell 
rst did take place prior to her 
lationship with her fiancé Steven 
Weed. That Mrs. Randolph А. 
Hearst subjected her daughter 10 сх- 
treme pressure to change her per- 
sonal and political relationships. 


Patty beg; 
ley later that year i 
DcFrecze was transferred. to Soledad in 
December where he was given the 
special privilege of using the tr 
dinarily reserved for marr 
became a leader of the S.L.A. 
newed his affair with Patty for a brief 
time. The affidavit continues: 


with Weed in Berke- 
in the fall of I 


held between 
mpbell Hearst and the 
Symbionese Liberation Army con- 
cerning a kid not her own. 


ons were 


Whose, then? Her sisters’, Anne and 
Vicki, The idea of kidnaping Patty, too. 
was brought up—this was a year before 
it actually took place—but she didn't 
think it was such а great notion. But if 
true. this would explain Pany’s outburst 
at the moment of kidnaping: “Oh, no! 
Not ine! Oh, God! Please let me go!" 

The investigators presented their find- 
ings to the Los Angeles City Council 
charging that the intelligence unit of the 
police department—the Criminal С 
spiracy Section—knew of the S.L.A 
presence but wanted the so-called shoot 
out for test purposes. Headley acquired 
oficial fi 


ing th: 
shepherds to sniff out Pau 
so she wouldn't 
house. 
If this e inform 


means that the kidnaping of Patty He: 
is an American equivalent of the Reichs 
tag fire in Nazi Germany. 

On the tape of April 3, 1974, Рапу 
said, “I have been given the name Tani 
after a comrade who fought alongside 


Che in Bolivia for the people." And on 
the tape of June sixth, she said, “I re- 
nounced my class privilege when Cin and 
Cujo gave me the name Tania.” 

But in the New Times interview, Bill 
Harris said, “She chose the name Tania 
herself. 

According to Weed, her reading mat- 
ter һай ranged from the Marquis de 
Sade to Do H, by Jerry Rubin: And, ac 
cording to a trusted source, Patty and a 
former roommate had both re: 
Tania, the Unforgettable Guerilla а 
year prior to the kidnaping. Further, 
the roommate had been subpoenaed to 
testify for the prosecution 
but the subpoena was withd| 
Stearns, Jr.. FBI liaison to the U.S. At 
torneys ofhce, denied this vehemently, 
shouting at me in the press room, "You're 
wrong!” It could be just a coi 
but after that incident, the h 
began hassling me for 
even though I had been c 
trial every day. One time he asked for my 
driver's license. 1 told him I didn't drive 
а саг. Another time he 

d. I told him I 


al Secur c 
d. I would present only 


never 


carry that arou 
my press card, which he accepted because 
diere were many media people 
around and he didn't want the attention 
that a scene would automatically create. 
In the middle of the trial—on a Satur- 
day afternoon, when reporters and tech- 
nicians were hoping to goof olf—the FBI 
called а press conference. At five 
o'dock that morning, they had raided the 
New Dawn collective—supposedly the 
aboveground support group of the Emi- 
liano Zapata Unit—and accompanying a 
press rel bout the evidence scized 
were photographs still wet with develop- 
ing fluid. "Mr. Bates. real close to your 
head. please.” Special Agent Charles 
Bates procceded to pose with the photos 
like an imitation Henry Fondi doi 
сатега commercial, Was Ше 
warrant? No, but they 
search” signed by the owner of the house, 
Judy Stevenson, who has since admitted 
being a paid FBI informant. Not only 
did the raid seem timed to break into 
print simultaneously with the Sunday 
funnies but the investigative technique 
lso smacked of comi 
Dick Tracy the next day, th 
pers Textbook” depicted 
typic hippie terrorists prep 
bomb. underscored by the qu 
“Would you deny police access to know 
edge of persons planning your demise? 
In 1969, Bates was special agent at the 
Chicago office of the FBI when police 
killed Black Panthers Fred Hampton 
and Mark Clark while they were sleep- 
ing. Recently, ex-FBI informer Mari. 
Fischer told the Chicago Daily News that 
the then chief of the FBI's Chicago office, 
Marlon Johuson, personally asked her to 


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3305 THE FINAL DAYS 
Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein 
(Pub. Price: $11.95) 

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AUR ыу ee 
(Please print) 
Fern address ë ea 
Ciy- State. ip. 


PLAYBOY 


slip a drug to Hampton: she had infi 
trated the Panther Party at the FBI's 
request a month before. The drug was a 
tasteless, colorless liquid that would put 
him to sleep. She refused. Hampton v 
killed a weck later. An autopsy showed 
"a near fatal dose” of secobarbital in his 
system. In 1971, Bates was transferred to 
Washington. According to James Mc 
Cord's book A Piece of Tape, on June 
21, 1972, John Dean checked with 1. 
Patrick Gray as to who was in charge of 


handling the Watergate investi 
The answer: Charles Butes—the same 
FBI official who in 1974 would be in 
charge of handling the S.L.A. 

tion and the search for Patty 

Almost six weeks after that Saturday- 
morning raid, he sent me a letter, | 


registered ma 
stationer: 


‚on Dep: 


tment of Justice 


Di 


Mr. Krasner: 
Subsequent to the search of a resi- 

dence in connection with the arrest 

of six members of the Emiliano Za- 


pata Unit, the Federal Bureau of In- 
vestigation, San Francisco, has been 
attempting to contact you to advise 


you of the following information: 


During the above indicated an 
of six individuals of the Emili; 
7 a Unit an untitled list of 


ames and addresses of individuals 
A corroborative source de- 


was seized. 
scribed the above list as an Emiliano 
Zapata Unit “hit list" but stated that 
no action will be taken, since all of 
those who could carry it out are in 
custody. Further, if any of the appre- 
hended ndividuals should 
bail, they would only act upon the 
“hit list" at the instructions of their 


Jeader, who is not and will not be in 
a position to give such instructions. 

Ihe above inform is fur- 
nished for your personal use 
is requested it be kept confident 
At your discretion, you may desire to. 
contact the local police department 
responsible for the of your 
residenci 


Very nuly yours, 
arles W. Bates 
Special Agent in Cha 


Was he trying to tell me something? 
Because of a lawsuit involving the Free- 
dom of Information Act that had be 
won by Carl Stern who was covering 
the trial for NBC News—I had received 
my FBI and CIA files. In fact, I was 
planning to sue the FBI for conspiracy 
to harass. When Life ran a favorable pro- 
file of me in 1968, the New York office of 
the FBI asked permission of the directors 
office in Washington —and. received. ap- 
proval from Cartha DeLoach and Wil- 
liam Sullivan—to write a letter to the 
editor of Life (signed by a fictitious How 
ard Rasmussen of Brooklyn College) in 
which The Realist was labeled m 
obscenity” and I was classified rav- 
ing, unconfined nut." That's all wue, of 
course, but in libel. it’s the malice that 
So, obviously, I was more logically 
the Government than of the 
apata Unit—unless they hap- 
pen to be the same. Was the right wi 
of the FBI warning me about the Ich 
wing of the EBI? Did the handwriting on 
the wall read COINTELPRO Livest? 
Questions about the authenticity of the 
ipata Unit had been raised by its first 
public statement in August 1975, which 
included the unprecedented threat of 


Ма 


s "a 


ow, don't you tickle me, 


Murray. I promised my folks I wouldn't do anything 
funny until I was married.” 


violence t the left. When a Safe- 
way supermarket in Oakland was bombed 
by the Zapata U they claimed to have 
called radio station KPFA and instructed 
them to notify police, so they could evac- 
uate the arca; КРЕА staffers insisted they 
never received. such a call. Now The 
Urban Guerrilla, aboveground organ of 
the underground N.W.L.F.. commented: 


hout offer ny proof. the 
1 has cl; [those arrested] 
were members of the Emiliano Zapa- 
та Unit and mistakenly claimed that 
the Zapata Unit was part of the 
NW.L-F. These FBI claims and ties 

been widely repeated by the 


As soon as they were arrested, Gre 
Adornetto, whom we knew as Chepi- 
to, was separated from the others and 
disappeared... . 

А close analysis of all the action 


nd statements . by Chepito leads 
conclusion 


[us] to the inescapable 
Шаг he is not just a w 
cr. he is a Government infiltrator/ 
provocateur. No other conclusion i 
possible when one considers that he 
led our comrades to a house he knew 
was under surveillance... carrying 
along things like explosives and half- 
completed communiqués, . .. 

He recruited sincere aud commit- 


teil revolutionaries who wanted to 
participate in being a medium for 
dialog with the underground, got a 


Lunch of them in the same room with 
guns, communiqués and. explosives, 
or even got some of them involved 
з armed actions, and then һай... 
Bates move in with his SWAT teams 
and bust everybody. . . . 


In add 
central 


n. a communiqué from th 
command of the NAV. L. 
t “the pigs led and organized 
the Zapata Unit, “We were reasonably 
sure that it was а setup from the begin: 
ning and we never sent one communiqué 
to New Dawn because of our suspicions." 
Meanwhile, a member of the Santa 
Clara district attorney's office testified 
Bates had “categorically denied” 
having any of the stolen documents 
sought by the Santa Clara district attor- 
ney for an investigation of FBLsponsored 
political burglaries. Bates, alter bein 
confronted with the testimony of one ol 
tes, ultimately turned 
over the documents to the Р.А. Some of 
the stolen documents, according to Sun- 
ended up with Catherine Hearsts 
pet project, Research West. But when 
Patty was arrested, Bates became instant- 
ly ubiquitous on radio and television, 
hoasting of her capture. Cur 
h her own cousin Will 
would not have recognized h 
ting officer immediately said, "Patty 
* She was so 
her pants. 
hut only for the Chronicle, not the 


his own subordin 


asl. 


“Now that Гое demonstrated the car’s capabilities, Miss Joyce, 
I'd like to demonstrate a few of my own!” 


Examiner. She was permitted to change 
in the bathroom. The FBI inventory did 
not include "pants, wet, one pair." But 
there was on the list a ewo-foot marijuana 
plant—as compared with almost a pound 
ol grass not reported by the FBI that w; 
found at the apartment she had orig 
inally been kidnaped from. There was 
also a bottle of Gallo wine in the S.L.A. 
safe ‘house, not such a loyal gesture to 
the United Farm Workers they purported 
to support. And there was “а rock” 
found in Patty's purse. 

Nearly six months later, alter Patty 
told the jury that Willie Wolfe had 
raped her, Emily Harris was quoted in 
New Times: “Once Willie gave her a 
stone relic in the shape of a monkey face 
[and] Patty wore it all the time around 
her neck. After the shoot-out, she stopped 
ing it and carried it in her purse 
instead, but she always had it with her.” 
While reading the m 
Browning suddenly had an Aha! expe- 
rience, Later he would present that 
“rock” as his final piece of evidence, 
slowly swinging the necklace back and 
forth in front of the jurors, as il to hypno- 


мел 


tize them. During this trial, we had wit- 
nessed the transmutation of this Federal 
prosecutor from Goofy to Svengali. 

The Hatrrises let it be known Ш 
called to testify, they would take the 
Amendment, but media fallout enabled 
them to have their Fifth and drink it, 100, 
Jf the monkey necklace was a piece of 
visual evidence that came to the jury 
by way of print journalism, and if the 
film of Patty doing the Hibernia hustle 
was an electronic bank loan, then it was 
only appropriate that 
tion, the Trish Tobin tape, should com- 
plete that holy media trinity. Several 
times throughout the tial, Browning 
attempted to have it played for the 
jury, but Judge Carter kept refusing— 
until the final argument, when the im- 
ct of its giddiness would be especially 
astonishing. 

The possibility that Patty was coerced 
into robbing the bank is not inconsistent 
wich hei house dialog 16 months later: 
"I'm not making any statements until I 
know that сап get out on bail, and then 
if I find out that I can't for sure, then 


audio contribu- 


TIL issue a statement, but I'd just as soon 
give it myself, in person, and then it'll 
be a revolutionary feminist perspective 
totally. I mean I never got really... T 
guess ЕШ just tell you, like, my politics 
are real different from, uh—way back 
when (laughter)—obviously! And so this 
creates all kinds of problems for me in 
terms of a defense.” An accurate forecast. 
Patty testified that she was influenced to 
say this because Ei 
visiting room. 
“Was she a 


у Harris was in the 


party 


to your conver- 


sation: 


Not by any inten 
On cr 

“Emily 

ers and м 


n of ours, no.” 
examination, she continued: 
also on a phone." (Prison- 
tors must converse over tele- 
phones while they look at each other 
through a thick bulletproof glass win- 
dow.) Patty said she knew that Emily 
could hear her talking simply because 
“I could've heard her if I'd stopped and 
listened.” But jail records show that 
Emily was notin the visiting room then. 
While Kozol was testifying in court, 


W 


Patty was writing notes to Johnson on а 237 


PLAYBOY 


238 are merely differ 


yellow legal pad. And while the marshal 
was watching me during recess, another 
reporter, Steve Rubinstein, copied those 
notes but couldn't include them in his 
story for the Los Angeles Herald Examin- 
er, a Hearst paper. Patty described life 
in Berkeley with Weed: 


T paid the rent. bought the furni- 
ture, bought the groceries, cooked all 
the meals (even while working eight 
hours a day and carrying a [ull 
course load), and if I wasn't there to 
cook, Steve didn't eat. 


Another note states clearly and con- 
cisely where her head was really at in 
the San Mateo County Jail: 


Dr. Kozol kept trying to equate 
the women's movement with vio- 
lence. I repeatedly told him: 1. Vio- 
lence has no place in the women's 
movement. 2. I didn't feel it was 
possible to make lasting social 
changes in our society unless the 
issue of women’s rights was resolved. 
Kozol kept trying to say things like, 
"Isn't it more important to solve the 
poverty problem?" etc. ... Any re- 
form measures taken by the Govern- 
ment will only be tempor 


The phrase bad seed growing was 
used by Kozol, and one could recall tha 
in the film version of The Bad Seed, as a 
postscript, the mother was shown spank- 
ing the daughter while the closing credits 

imposed on that image. Other 
ic reminders: Patty as a child 


girl did in The Effect of Gamma Rays 
on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds: the guy 
n Zabriskie Point remarking about some- 


one in a passing car, "She used to be my 
ter”; the girl who is forced i 
S/M relationship with a storm trooper a 
а concen camp in The Night 
Porter continuing years later in a hotel 
“of my own free will,” she AL 
though news items about tlie Patty Hearst 
trial were clipped out of the daily papers 
by U. S. marshals, who also turned the 
TY off in case of a related bulletin, 
the jurors were not immune to medi: 
influence. During the tial, they all 
went out to see a few contemporary 
h they voted on, presumably 
n the same order to which they 
had become accustomed in court. They 
saw One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest, 
which, Ken Kesey complained. made Big 
Nurse the target and omits his central 
theme, that people go crazy in this coun- 
try precisely because they can't handle 
the gap between the American Dream 
id the American Nightmare as orches 
trated by the same combine that Paty 
was forced to experience, where organ- 
ized crime and organized crime fighting 
es of the same 


to an 


ion 


corporate coin. The jury also saw Swept 
Away . . . , reinforcing the theme that 
one does not transcend one’s class unless 
one is already heading in that direction 
before circumstances temporarily shatter 
Ш those arbitrary rules that distinguish 
the classes. And the jury saw Taxi 
Driver—Nashville without music—once 
n perpetuating die myth of the lone 
ssassin who, in this case, attempts to 


nut 
kill a political candidate not because he 


has been hired by an intelligence agency 


but, rather, because Cybill Shepherd 
won't stay and hold his hand in a porno- 
movie audience. No, the jurors do not 


read in the newspaper what goes on 
when the judge sends them out of the 
courtroom, but rem: in thei 
lective subconscious is a violent spiders 
web of powerful imagery that can be 
relieved only by larger and larger doses 
of law and order. Deliberations in the 
jury room were ultimately a rationaliza- 
tion for the urge to punish Patty. 
е 

ty Hearst, would you 
ale to the following 


If you were Pa 
wer true or 
ments? 


st 


“Му way of doing things is 
misunderstood by others. 
ET 


pt to be 


m 
а 


always disgusted with the law 
criminal is freed through the 
rguments of a smart lawyer." 
“I feel that it is certainly best to keep 
my mouth shut when Im in trouble.” 
‘Those are samples from the MMPI 
(Minnesota Multiphasic Personality In- 
ventory), a psychological test. In onder to 
her sentence reduced, Patty was re- 
quired to undergo a psychiatric debriefing 
extended to six months. 
The jury had found her guilty of fuck- 
ig when she was 15. Or why else would 
such information have been admissible 
as evidence during the trial? They don't 
allow that kind of testimony in a rape 
trial, but for a bank robbery its relevant. 
Patty once told a nun to go to hell, 
and now her monkey-face necklace has 
been replaced by a religious symbol. А 
though А.Р. beat U. P. I. by five minutes 
on the wire with the story on April 11 
ill and Emily Harris were charged 
ping Patty, it took the alterna- 
tive Zodiac News Service to beat them 
both with a dispatch of Steve Long's re- 
port on June 17 that the S.L.A—which 
had achieved international notoricty as a 
result of that alduction—was now going 
band, inasmuch: 
ig admitted members were 
Grafiti remain mute testaments to the 
whole misadventure. With the same pas- 
sion with which some mene tekelers have 
painted FREE SQUEAKY and GRAVITY 
IS THE 4TH. DIMENSION, others have left 
legends like JAIL ROCKY AND X 
TANIA and WE M YOU MIZMOON- 
тик € (only wizwoox. has been 
yellowed out) and 51.4. Lives, which has 


1 prison. 


long been hiding in among the enig- 
matic COLE staw LIVES slogan that has 
bafiled tourists and convinced one visiting 
y t a friend named Cole 
Slaw was dead, because there are graffiti 
that say he lives. 


. 

There had been a rumor that Patty 
had become pregnant by Cinque. Indeed, 
one of the questions that Randolph 
Hearst had when he met Jack Scott was 
to ascertain if that were so. 

I wrote in my Berkeley Barb column: 
“Now, with their daughter on tial, the 
Hearsts have hired a lawyer who wears 
pancake makeup to press conferenc 
the better to transform a racist fear into 
” I received a letter by 


Dcar Si 

You undoubtedly did not realize 
that the name "Pan-Cake Make-Up" 
is the registered trademark. (U. S. 
Patent Office No. 350,102) of Max 
Factor & Co. and is not 
for cake make-up. The correct u 
is pan Саке Make-Up,” capitalized 
just that manner, or, 
under circumstances such as these, 
where you obviously did not intend 
to mention a particular brand, 
ply cake make-up. 


synonym 


We are sure that you are aw 
the legal importance of protecting a 
trademark and trust that you will use 


ours properly in any future refer- 
ence to our product, or, in the alt 
native, will use the proper generic 
term rather than our brand name. 

So that our records w 
plete, we would appreciate an ac 
knowledgment of this letter. . . - 

Very truly yours. 
Max Factor & Co. 
D. James Pekin 
Corporate Counsel 


l| be com- 


there 


a a slight mis 
ley had been wearing to all 
those press conferences was actually Aunt 
Jemima Pancake Mix—and 1 hoped that 
cleared up the matter. 

Finally, although James Browning had 
once informed me that the Black Pan- 
thers were “an organization which advo- 
cates killing people” and that Groucho 
Marx's “utterance did not constitute а 
threat," it ha € come out that 
the FBI itself published pamphlets in the 
name of the Panthers advocating the kill- 
ing of cops and that an FBI file on 
Groucho Marx was begun and he is 
actually labeled a “national security risk. 

“L deny everything," Groucho re- 
sponded, “because 1 lie about every- 
thing” He paused, then added, "And 
everything I deny i 2 


“If there is anybody up there, they're probably getting on with it instead 
of worrying about what's happening down here." 


INTRODUCING LEE-SET® Extra-heavy 100% cotton real Western denim Lee Riders. They start softer, 
stay smoother, and won't shrink out of fit-thanks to the Sanfor-Set® process. And because they're 
cotton, Lee-Set Lees come a cleaner clean. Keep you cooler in summer and warmer in winter. Let 
your body breathe naturally, Lee Rider brass-snapped jacket in indigo denim, about $19. Jeans 
with boot-cut flare, about $16. The Lee Company, EO. Box 2940, Shawnee Mission. Kansas 66201. 


EA THE MOST COMFORTABLE NAME YOU CAN WEAR. Lee Acompany of ¥ corporation 


\ WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHERE IT’S HAPPENING AND WHO'S MAKING IT HAPPEN // 


TRAVEL 
PICKING UP ON 


UNLUGGAGE 


ith jeans, denim work shirts and hefty boots 
being prized for their rugged individualism and 
no-frills style, it's logical that what you pack 
these clothes in should travel the same route. 
Today's unluggage ranges from the leather L. I. Bean- 
inspired hunter's totes to an inexpensive canvas carpenter's 


Below: A canvas mountaineer's pack, $24.99, and a canvas duf- 
fel bag, $3.99, both from Unique Clothing Warehouse. Right, 
fop: А canvas carpenters bag, from Canal Hardware, $6.95. 
Angler's shoulder bag, from Fulton Supply, $15. Aluminum photog- 


tool satchel. Hearty aluminum camera cases now hold 
clothes instead of film. Sturdy mountain climber's packs, 
wicker fishing baskets, Army duffel bags and knapsacks 
perform double duty as rugged carryalls. Unluggage re- 
kindles that bandana-on-a-stick siren call of the open road. 
It smacks of high style and says have fun. —ROBERT L. GREEN 


rapher’s case, from Willoughby’s, $97. Right, bottom: Leather at- 
taché case turns into an overnighter, from La Bagagerie, $220. 
Leather-and-vinyl big-game bag, from Hunting World, $525. Air 
Force canvas kit bag, from Unique Clothing Warehouse, $17.99. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY TOM ZUK 


241 


LAW. 


THE LEGAL SIDE OF LIVING TOGETHER 


iving with a woman or contemplating it? Then you 

ought to know how the law deals with that arrangement. 

First, let's get one thing straight. It's not common- 

law marriage, which is the same as any other marriage 

but doesn't require a third person's saying the words to 

make it so. If you reside in a state that recognizes com- 

mon-law marriage, the two of you can be married by 

declaring yourselves married. The only way to end a mar- 

riage, whether it's ceremonial or common law, is by death 
or divorce. 

The relationship of single people living together is 
independent of the law and of the state. This status doesn't 
even have a proper name; | call it a consortium, which is 
a word right out of the lawbooks that means a relationship 
exchanging sex, services and society; the partners or 
spouses or lovers | call consorts. 

What goes on between consorting adults in private 
should be their business alone, but it does have distinct 
income-tax consequences. Everyone who earns income 
beyond a certain minimum must pay income tax based on 
a graduated scale; that is, the more money eamed, the big- 
ger the percentage of tax. So those who earn high incomes 
are always trying to find ways to split their tax liability. 

The commonest way married couples get the benefits of 
an income split is through the joint income-tax return. As 
long as there's a substantial difference between the income 
of a taxpayer and that of his spouse, the joint tax return 
generally saves, because it splits the higher income be- 
tween two taxpayers and thus lowers the percentage taxed. 

Married couples, however, face a disadvantage that 
consorts do not. They get only one standard deduction. 
Consorts, since the IRS considers them single taxpayers, 
each get a standard deduction. 

In dollars and cents, this means that а married couple, 
both working, one earning $10,000 a year, the other 


earning $17,000, taking the standard deduction, will pay 
about $700 more in Federal income tax than they would if 
they were single and living together. 

The status of marriage allows the husband and the wife 
to charge their family-type expenses or "necessaries" to 
each others accounts. It also means that bills can be 
collected from either one. These rights, incorporated in 
"family-expense laws,” are creditors’ rights predicated on 
the marriage relationship, but lawful matrimony is not 
always required. The point, then, is to be careful about 
retaining your separate names and independent credit, 
unless you want to allow your partner to buy family- 
expense items on your credit. Allowing your consort to 
charge to your account is easy. Credit managers are satis- 
fied to have a charge account in the name of one solvent 
debtor. They are delighted to have two debtors to sue. 
Banks are pleased to have anyone, spouse or stranger, 
guarantee the loans they make. So before signing that 
guarantee, think twice; long after she has moved to a 
separate apartment, her default can bring the bank to the 
doorstep of her guarantor. 

There are three major ways to hold title to property. The 
first, and typical consort method, is in your name alone. 
The second is joint tenancy and the third is tenancy in 
common. These two forms of joint ownership allow each 
partner to own an undivided share in the entire property. 
For example, each joint owner owns one half of an entire 
house. The only way to divide it is to divide the pot after 
it's sold and paid for (after the title companies, brokers 
and lawyers take their share). 

Joint tenancy is joint ownership with the right of sur- 
vivorship. That means that if there are two joint tenants 
and one dies, the surviving joint tenant automatically gets 
the whole. 

Tenancy in common is joint ownership without the right 
of survivorship. While tenancy in common will provide 
consorts with an undivided one half ownership each in a 
house, the house remains in their estates when one dies. 
For example, if consorts Jack and Jill buy a house in joint 
tenancy and Jill dies, Jack gets it all. If Jack and Jill own 

the house in tenancy in common and Jill dies, Jack 

gets to share it with Jill's mother (or whoever else 
inherits it from her). Now, there's a chilling thought. 
All of this living and loving has so far ignored the 
possibility that your consortium will be fruitful and 
multiply. If you bring a bastard into the world, he 
will join one of the most deprived, downtrodden 
and underprivileged of all minorities. His rights to 
support and inheritance are severely restricted and 
your rights, as his father, barely exist. Historically, 
bastards belong exclusively to their mothers; and 
while the law is making some strides in recognizing a 
father's right to custody in the event the mother dies, 
the state can decide the father’s fitness for custody of 
his own bastard almost as if he were a stranger. 

And we've only just begun to look at living together 
and the law. Insurance companies won't let you insure 
each other's lives or protect each other's health. The 
Army won't treat her as your dependent; and the Mann 
Act is still on the books when you vacation together 

across state lines. But then—and it's a big but—there 

is neither alimony nor attorney's fees to pay when 
you decide to call it quits. — BARBARA B. HIRSCH 


ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN CRAIG 


Lights! Pinballs! Action! 
Above: This Marvin Class-designed Super-Star home 
pinball game looks and plays like the real McCoy; in- 
cludes regulation-sized pinballs, flippers, kickers, flash- 
ing lights and automatic scoring, by Brunswick, $295. 


That Sinking Feeling 

Above: In the Betcha Ball game, you try to sink as 
many spinning silver balls as you can before the brass 
stopper drops into the hole, by Skor-Mor Products, $6.95. 


Bull's-Eye! 

Leít: Variant darts that are housed in a 
mahogany case come with 15 metal disks 
that allow the thrower to vary the weight 
of each dart from 12 to 27 grams, by 
Accudart, $45.50 for a boxed set of three. 


Up Your Alley 

Right: For the office plinker, there's Tin 
Can Alley, an electronic rifle that shoots 
a beam of light at five cans on a fence; if 
your aim is on the beam, all the cans 
will topple and the target will automati- 
cally reset itself, by Ideal, about $29.95. 


Boggling the Mind 
Above: Boggle includes 16 letter cubes, a shaker tray 
and a timer; the object is to list, within a time limit, 
as many correct words as possible from the letters 
dumped into the shaker tray, by Parker Brothers, $4. 


Sports Picture 

Above: The Video Sports 3000 that connects to any TV 
allows up to four players to compete in tennis, hock- 
ey and robot games, by First Dimension, $129.95. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARO IZUt 


244 


GROOMING 


USING GOOD SCENTS 


here's a lot more to fragrance than meets the nose. 

Many men start the day by looking themselves 

squarely in the mirror and lying. Although they tell 

themselves they're slapping on after-shaves to soothe 
their dewhiskered faces, most conventional concoctions 
sting the raw skin. To smell swell is the true, though usual- 
ly unacknowledged, motivation. Historically, after-shave 
lotions were applied as antiseptics to fight infection from 
primitive shaving tools. Witch hazel or alcohol often suf- 
ficed. Then therapeutic balms were brewed from plants 
and herbs. Fragrance was a side effect, but a nice one. In 
this century, razors were greatly improved, but the notion 
was entrenched that after-shave lotions should both brace 
the skin and have a pleasant aroma. However, to make 
sense of contemporary scents, fragrance should be liberated 
from the shaving syndrome. 

TYPES OF SCENTS. After-shaves, eaux de toilette, colognes 
and the newer supercolognes for men are all alcohol-based 
liquids. Alcohol is what slaps the shaved face, inevitably 
nicked and abraded. Since the essential oils that impart 
fragrance can be dispersed only by alcohol, the sting can’t 
be avoided. But it can be minimized. Nearly every maker of 
after-shave lotions now makes a product variously called an 
after-shave balm, a tonic or a conditioner. These are only 
lightly scented and contain moisturizers and lubricants to 
counteract the razor's edge. Their alcohol content is mini- 
mal, so they're preferable for someone with sensitive skin. 

Specialized products aside, after-shave lotions have the 
lowest concentration of essential fragrance oils; super- 
colognes have the highest. The duration of the aroma of 
an after-shave is shorter than that of a supercologne, simply 
because there's less scent to begin with. (However, some 
scents are more volatile than others. Citrus types, for 
example, dissipate more rapidly 
than earthy scents such as patch- 
ouli.) If a man with nonsensitive 
skin enjoys dousirig on an after- 
shave lotion but wants depth of 
fragrance, he should use a cologne, 
too. If he wants to be flagrantly 
fragrant, he should indulge himself 
with a stipercologne. “Intensified” 
colognes, cologne “concentrates” 
and such variations fit into the 
supercologne category. 

FRAGRANCE FAMILIES. Although an 
infinite variety of fragrances can be 
formulated as men’s colognes, 
manufacturers have traditionally 
concentrated on a few basic 
types—citrus scents, woodsy/ 
mossy aromas, herbs, spices and 
leathers. Musk, first used as a fixa- 
tive, revolutionized male fragrance 
a couple of years ago by intro- 
ducing lusty animal notes that 
called attention to themselves. 
Subtlety was out. Musk's popular- 
ity is currently being challenged. 
Two trends are shaping up—one is 
back to sophisticated, understated 
scents; the other is to unusual mix- 
tures that smell like oats or other 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY OAVIO CHAN 


natural derivatives with a heavier, gutsier impression. Since 
body heat activates aroma from colognes, in cooler weather 
even brash fragrances are weakened. 

CHOOSING A FRAGRANCE. There's no rational explanation for 
a particular scent's appealing to one person and disgusting 
another. Yet it's a mistake to select a cologne merely be- 
cause you like the way it smells on someone else or in its 
bottle. Individual body chemistry affects a cologne. Dry 
skin won't hold fragrance as long as normal or oily skin. 
Oily skin can change a cologne's characteristics dramatical- 
ly. To evaluate a cologne, rub a little on the top of your 
hand. Don't smell it immediately, since the release of al- 
cohol disguises the true, more lasting scent. After several 
minutes, sniff and decide. 

WHEN AND WHERE TO APPLY. Despite the association with 
shaving, a cologne should probably be applied to the face 
last, since the alcohol not only stings but tends to dry the 
skin. This can be advantageous for men with oily complex- 
ions; but since the face is unprotected against the elements, 
fragrance is easily diminished when doused only on the 
face. Worn on the neck and chest, it will last longer. Don't 
apply directly to clothing, especially leather, since colognes 
can stain. Scent should be used whenever and wherever one 
wants to spice oneself up. 

FRAGRANCE LONGEVITY. Depending upon formulations, co- 
lognes should last for a year to 18 months without deterio- 
rating. (On the skin, the aroma will linger for six hours 
maximum.) When purchasing a cologne, you have no way 
of determining how long it's been sitting on the shelf. Once 
a bottle is opened, normal oxidation begins. Several months 
of use may be all you can expect, so don't hoard a scent; it 
may become sour. Keep cologne bottles in a medicine chest 
to prolong their health. — CHARLES HIX 


MAKING IT. 


PLAYING JOB-INTERVIEW POKER 


et's assume for the moment that you 

would like to change your tax 

bracket in less than a day. Can 

you name an activity that 
would allow you to enter 
a room, unarmed, and 
emerge a few hours later 
several thousand dol- 
lars richer? We 
can: It's called 
a job inter- 
view and it's 
completely 
legal 

Of 
course, 
anything 
that easy and 
that lucrative 
is bound to 
have a bad rep- 
utation. Most of 
the common-sense 
advice about surviving a job 
interview suggests that it is a 
formal occasion. Dress as you 
would for a funeral—your own. 
Expect a question-and-answer session 
just this side of the rubber-hose-and- 
bare-light-bulb interrogations common to 
police-station basements. 

Case in point: No doubt you've read magazine articles 
describing the entrapment techniques favored by sadistic 
personnel managers. You know, the guy who invites you to 
smoke, then sits back and waits for you to discover that 
there isn't an ashtray. Theoretically, such tricks reveal 
how the candidate reacts to stress. However, since the vari- 
ous techniques have been so publicized, no one uses them 
anymore, except, perhaps, as a literacy test. Well-read appli- 
cants arrive with ashtrays in their pockets or tap their cigar 
ashes into the pockets of interviewers rude enough to try 
the stunt. 

A survey of personnel managers at several corporations 
reveals that the situation has changed. The third-degree ap- 
proach has given way to a nondirective interview. Direct 
questions are a thing of the past. The reason? Over the past 
few years, equal-opportunity laws have altered the face 
of the job interview. For example, you will no longer en- 
counter the battery of tests—research has determined that 
the questions are biased against minority groups and that 
scores do not correlate with job performance. (Therefore, 
the selection of candidates based on such tests is evidence 
of discrimination.) Similarly, direct questions reveal the prej- 
udices of the management. An interviewer cannot ask a 
candidate, “How old are you?" without risking a Gray Pan- 
ther suit. He cannot ask a female candidate, “Are those 
real?" without risking a sexual-discrimination suit. 

Personnel managers have learned that they can find out 
what they need to know about a candidate during a free- 
form discussion. Chances are you will be asked to tell your 
own story—from high school to the present—in your own 
words, with only a few interruptions for clarification or 
continuity. The job interview has become a poker game, in 
which the job applicant is allowed to choose the cards in 


his hand and play accordingly. If he has 
done his research on the company, the 
applicant can ask the prospective 
boss questions to see what cards 
the company is holding. 

The analogy to a po- 
ker game reveals an im- 
portant aspect of the 
job interview: You 
are playing for 
real money. 
You can eam 

more in the 

course of a 

one-hour 
discussion 
than you 
can in a year 
on the job. 
Most compa- 
nies have strictly 
defined salary poli- 
cies; you can expect a 
certain percentage increase 
each year. By changing jobs, 
you join a whole new game. It’s 
up to you to make the ante as 
large as possible. Once you join a 
company, you run on their track and 
all subsequent increases are based upon 
your starting salary. More than one person- 
nel manager concedes that applicants should go for the 
throatin money negotiations. 

A word on confidence: Some companies pay executive- 
search firms one quarter to one half of the year’s salary to 
find a candidate. You should expect at least that much for 
leaving such a clear trail or saving them the trouble of a 
search. You are a valuable property. You should not change 
jobs for less than a 15—25 percent increase. 

The secret of surviving a job interview in style lies in 
learning to talk money. The interviewer has a preconceived 
salary range for a given job. It’s up to you to convince him 
that you deserve the top end of that scale. If a recruiter 
offers you $20,000 a year, calmly explain that while you 
realize the offer is reasonable, you expected an offer of 
$23,000—because you were in the top of your class, because 
of your experience in the field or because your father owns 
the company. Qualify your remarks; the key is to appear 
self-confident without being self-centered. 

A job interview is essentially science fiction, The em- 
ployer and the candidate establish a probable future and 
then determine its worth. Your attitude should reflect an 
eagerness to contribute. Do not ask questions such as “How 
long before | can take a vacation?” or “How many years 
before retirement?” Ask if the company has a bonus system 
or an established review for merit increases. "How will the 
company respond to optimum performance on my part?" 
Convince the man that you can be motivated, not that you 
are looking for rewards beyond your talent. 

You may want to take the job because it is exactly what 
you are looking for. Don't let that interfere with money 
negotiations. After all, if everything else is just right, the 
rest is gravy. —JAMES R. PETERSEN 


ILLUSTRATION ВҮ ROBERT AUGUST 


245 


GARY HEERY 


GRAPEVINE 


Dean’s List 


Well, John Dean's back in the news. There's his searingly 
frank book, Blind Ambition, on the Watergate times. 
And, of course, there was the Earl Butz boo-boo. While 
on assignment to cover the Republican Convention for 
Rolling Stone, Dean wrote that on a flight back from 
Kansas City, a Ford “Cabinet member" had cracked а 
tasteless joke. New Times magazine later revealed that 
the jokester was the then Agriculture Secretary. Not bad 
fora fledgling journalist, but what Dean probably should 
become is a professional Democrat—he has managed to 
fire torpedoes into two Republican administrations by 
simply reporting the truth. 


Skoal Singer 


The French have gone wild for Jerry Lewis, the Germans are crazy 
about Kojak, and now even little Denmark has flipped for the talents 
of an American entertainer. Who? None other than country-and- 
western singer (and longtime girlfriend of PLAYBOY Editor-Publisher 
Hugh Hefner) Barbi Benton. It all started in the fall of 1975, when 
Barbi played a C&W star in an episode af McCloud, in which she sang 
Ain't That Just the Way, a song written specifically for the show by 

McCloud's executive producer, Glen Larson. Playboy Records released 
the tune on the flip side of a single (Reverend Bob) and the A side did 
reasonably well, but nothing compared with Barbi's earlier hit Brass 
Buckles. In mid-1976, when the McCloud episode aired in Denmark, the 

unmelancholy Danes really went wild over Ain't That Just the Way, 
making it the top-selling single in the country and earning it a spot on 
Billboard's top ten “Hits of the World” list. Although he obviously was as 
pleased as he was surprised by the news, Hefner tumed to Barbi and 
quipped, “Next time, could you please pick а bigger country?” 


POMPEO FOSAR 


All Together Now 


“My father had this great idea to make me rich and famous in show business. For the 
climax of my dance routine, I was going to do a back bend and pick up a razor blade 
with my teeth, and he was going to get Gillette to sponsor my act.” That Dory Previn 
isn't called No Lips indicates that Gillette didn't think it was too sharp a notion. It was 
just one incident in a trauma-filled childhood that composer-lyricist-playwright-author 
Previn has hauntingly recaptured in Midnight Baby, her just-published autobiography 
from the ages of zip to ten. While the book is center stage, Previn is putting the fin- 
ishing touches on a musical, The Amazing Flight of the Gooney Bird, based on one 
of her songs. And this spring she'll be doing concerts across Europe, where folks are 
bonkers over her tough-tender, look-at-my-psyche lyrics. Her latest album, We're 
Children of Coincidence and Harpo Marx, was a big chart number in England. “But 
you know,” says she, with an air of bemused puzzlement, "I've done eight albums 
of my songs and not one of those songs has ever been recorded by anybody else," 
We're puzzled, too—there isn't a better lyricist around than Dory Previn, whose 
personal life is very up these days. The reason’s artist Joby Baker, who created some 
of the jewelry she’s wearing in the photo. The smile she’s wearing is all her own and 
apropos for a lady who now seems to know exactly where she's going. 


NORMAN SEEFF 


g Out “Roots” 


By the time it gets on the air this winter, ABC-TV's 12-hour production of Alex Haley’s 
novel Roots (see this month's Playboy Interview) will be the most ballyhooed tele- 
vision event of the season. It’s a $6,000,000 gamble, but producer Stan Margulies 
doesn't seem worried, “Emotionally, it's very powerful; in one scene, Richard Round- 
tree, as a slave, is supposed to get down on his knees and beg his white master not 
to send him to work in the fields. During rehearsal, Richard fell to his knees for about 
‘one thousandth of a second, leaped up and literally screamed, ‘You better get this 
оп one take, because I'm not doing this goddamned scene again.’ ” 


| 7 7 


Fast Break 


He has always been a hard man to catch on the 
basketball court; but now Earl Monroe, the All- 
Pro guard of the New York Knicks, known vari- 
‘ously as The Pearl and Mr. Magic for his on-court 
excellence, seems to be acting out the disco hit 
Movin’ in All Directions. He has completed his 
first film role—in Woody Allen's new opus, un- 
titled at presstime—and has two more lined up: 
Davey, which will find him swiping (and losing) 
an attaché case filled with dope, and Cham- 
pions, a story about a neighborhood basketball 
program (“It goes along with the general attempt 
to upgrade black films”), in which he will play 
himself. But that's just part of what's happening. 
Earl also has а music-management firm called 
Tiffany, and one of his acts, Prana, will soon be 
out on Warner Bros. Records. Entertainment 
comes naturally to Monroe. He sang with a 
group in high school and did some comedy dur- 
ing his days with the old Baltimore Bullets. You 
see, he has roots: “Му father danced with Bessie 
Smith; he was also a traveling medicine sales- 
man. So you could say that showbiz is in my 
blood." But Monroe, who has to concentrate on 
basketball for a while longer, doesn't expect in- 
stant stardom: “For now, | just want to make 
some contacts and get into some of the right 
places. I know where my bread and butter is 
coming from.” That sound you just heard was 
the New York Knicks, sighing in collective relief. 


VERNON L, SMITH 


PETER SOREL 


248 


WHEELS 


DETROITS OFF-SEASON INTROS 


here was a time in these United States when we, the 

people, turned as one toward the nearest automo- 

bile agency and vibrated with anticipation until the 

new models were revealed. This eagerness to catch 
the first glimpse of Detroit's latest filigree of chrome or 
bulge of sheet metal bordered on a national craze, reaching 
a peak in September and October of each year, when the 
latest offerings actually appeared in public. Styling studios 
at Ford, G.M., et al., were guarded with a ClAlike fanaticism, 
lest the latest fender contour be tipped to the prying pub- 
lic, and the actual 
introduction of the 
new cars was chore- 
ographed in a fiend- 
ishly complicated 
and expensive ar- 
rangement of mar- 
keting, promotion 
and advertising that 
would make the big- 
gest of Hollywood 
hustles look puny 
by comparison. 

At its zenith in the 
Fifties, it was a mar- 
velous binge of ex- ` 
ploitive commerce 
and conspicuous g 
consumption, and 
the reception giv- 
en a newborn from 
Detroit would have 
massive impact not 
only on its parent 
company but also 
on the economy as 
a whole. 

But now that curi- 
osity of business has been packed into the musty closet 
where they keep the obsolete, the unfashionable and the 
long-forgotten, and while Detroit gamely plugs ahead to 
generate interest in annual model introductions, the fact is 
that nobody much cares anymore. As the automotive mar- 
ket has become more diffuse—in terms of product and con- 
sumer preferences—American manufacturers have leaned 
more and more in the direction of their European associates; 
new models can be introduced at any time of the year, as 
opposed to the rigid addiction to the old autumn-hokum 
festival. For-example, the Bicentennial brought forth a 
modest line-up of new machinery and—with the exception 
of General Motors’ radically defatted full-sized cars, all of 
which lost around 800 pounds of iron and about a foot 
of over-all length—very little appeared that could be de- 
scribed as new. In fact, all of the interesting machinery on 
the Detroit scene is due in the first half of 1977, when a 
rather impressive line-up of original products will hit the 
showrooms. 

Perhaps the most intriguing of the new offerings will be 
Ford's Fiesta, the first truly contemporary small car to be 
sold in America by one of the Big Three. While Chevrolet's 
Chevette was ballyhooed as an incredibly advanced vehicle, 
it was, in fact, conventional in an engineering sense. Not so 
with the Fiesta, which employs a small 1600-c.c. trans- 
versely mounted high-revving engine that drives through 


the front wheels. This arrangement maximizes passenger 
space (by eliminating the intrusive drive-shaft-and-transmis- 
sion tunnel) without hindering performance or handling. 
While the Fiesta is a Ford “international” car and has been 
built and sold in Europe for some time, there is no denying 
that its entrance into the American market is additional 
evidence that Detroit has ended its big-car binge and is 
committed to smaller, more practical transportation for the 
future. Ford's Lincoln-Mercury divi 5 also thinking small- 
er for the spring of 1977. It will introduce the Versailles, 
which is Lincoln's 
response to the fast- 
selling, high-buck 
Cadillac Seville. 
Based on the Mer- 
сигу Monarch / ford 
Granada chassis, the 
Versailles is rumored 
to be less expensive 
than the Seville but 
with similar luxury 
options aimed at the 
same segment of the 
market. In keeping 
with the company’s 
styling idiom, the 
Versailles’ squarish 
lines will be 

topped off with a 

rectangular grille 
related to the well- 
known Lincoln Con- 
tinental shape. 

Chrysler has also 
recognized the ac- 
tion within the lux- 
ury sedan, where 
sales of such cars 
as the Mercedes-Benz 450SE and the Seville have been 
amazing, despite the soft economy. It will offer the LeBaron 
and the Diplomat, which will be elegantly appointed ver- 
sions of the popular Plymouth Volaré/Dodge Aspen sedans. 
Like the Versailles, the LeBaron/Diplomat is expected to be 
lower priced than the Seville but is touted as being com- 
petitive in terms of commodious accommodations and 
elegant styling. 

Even little American Motors will be getting an early start 
in 1977 with the introduction of a Gremlin powered by a 
German-built Audi four-cylinder engine. The idea of stick- 
ing a European-manufactured power plant into an Amer- 
ican-built car at one time would have seemed as repulsive 
to the Detroit brass as making Rule Britannia the national 
anthem; but economic realities can soften patriotic resolve. 
The Audi engine is lighter, cleaner burning and more 
powerful for its smaller size and weight than the aged 
A.M.C. six-cylinder it replaces and should give the Gremlin 
better mileage and performance without seriously increas- 
ing the retail price. If those benefits are available, and 
there's no reason to doubt that they will be, the Audi 
engine probably could be built in Outer Mongolia and 
neither A.M.C. nor its Gremlin customers would cere a 
hoot. Such is a symptom of the radically changing Amer- 
ican automotive scene—and why surprises are possible from 
Detroit any time of the year. —BROCK YATES 


BEAUTIFUL DREAMER 

If you've been curious about what goes through her 
mind while she's writhing away beneath you, your worst 
suspicions are confirmed. She could be having a sexual 
fantasy about another man. And that's not unusual. Dr. 
Barbara Hariton, sex therapist from Long Island, says that 
most women have erotic fantasies when making love with 
their husbands. In Dr. Hariton's study of suburban married 
women, she found that they created many different 
imaginary erotic situations for themselves during inter- 
course, but two scenarios were most common: (1) picturing 
themselves being dominated sexually and forced to sur- 
render and (2) imagining that the man making love to them 
was someone other than their husband. If wives had fantasy 
number one, they tended to have a higher level of orgasm. 
Apparently, they found real-life intercourse with hubby 
satisfying and generally indulged in thoughts of rape to 
add spice. The women with fantasy number two, however, 
were often trying to deal with a troubled marriage. Con- 
juring up lovers other than their spouses was their way of 
coping with marital situations they either didn't understand 
or could not accept. 


MISS-DIRECTED HUMOR 

Women are a lot of fun to laugh at. They always seem to 
be doing things that make them ideal patsies. This isn't just 
another example of male-chauvinist piggery. According to 
some surprising new research, men aren't the only ones 
who dig a giggle at a girl's expense—so do most women 
themselves. 

Professor Joanne Cantor of the University of Wisconsin 
asked college students to respond to a number of jokes. In 
some, a woman set up a situation in which a man made 
himself look silly. In others, the joke was identical, but 
the roles were reversed—the female became the fool. The 
responses were overwhelming—Cantor found that 
when the victim was female, the joke was 
always funnier, to both men and women. 
She first tried this experiment six years 
ago, before the consciousness-raising 
media deluge of the feminists, and 
her recent work disclosed that very 
little has changed. 

Cantor has a theory about why 
this is so: Patterns of humor have 
been established in our culture for 
centuries. Women are still the 
butt—they're used to it and they 
accept it. Most professional comics 
are male, and sarcastic remarks are 
predominately masculine weapons. 
Women’s lib may have gotten 
women out of the kitchen but not 
yet out of the joke. 


THE FIRST COMING 

Can you remember your first 
orgasm? It probably made a big 
impression on you at the time. 
Most likely you really didn’t know 
what was happening to you and 
were pretty confused. No wonder. 
Nobody pays much atten- 
tion to this decisive 
sign of a young man’s 
sexual maturation. The 


SEXTETERA 


big fuss is always made over the girls, when they begin to 
menstruate. Although both incidents are unmistakable proof 
that reproductive ability has arrived, until a few months 
ago, there wasn't even a definitive term for a boy's first 
seminal emission. Dr. R. J. Levin, a British physiologist, has 
leaped into the breach. He's proposed the term thorarche 
(based on a rare Greek word for semen and pronounced 
thor-ark-ee) for the happy event. 

In a survey of college students, Dr. Levin found that 
while 92 percent of the women he polled had been warned 
about the onset of menstruation, or menarche, by their 
parents or peers, fewer than one third of the men had been 
instructed about their forthcoming sexual ability. So it's no 
surprise that while nearly half of the girls told their friends 
about their first period, only 12 percent of the boys told 
anyone about their first orgasm. Twenty-five percent of the 
men in Levin's program reported that their first big thrill 
had come to them in their sleep. The majority fondly 
remembered that they were busily engaged in some clearly 
sexual activity when their initial ejaculation arrived. And 
now, thanks to Levin, we all have a name for it. 


SCREWBA DIVING 

There you are with your lover, 20 feet under—skindiving 
in a tropical world of complete sensuality. Your companion 
finds this submarine experience so exciting that she reaches 
out to you, entwining her body around yours, and within 
moments your breath is becoming louder and louder as you 
make ecstatic love to her beneath the waves. Congratula- 
tions! You've just joined the Filthy Fathoms Club—a small 
but happy group of people who've discovered the joys of 
underwater sex. 

Don Byrd, instructor at the Coastal School of Deep Sea 
Diving in Oakland, California, says that more and more 
people are exploring subaquatic eroticism. "Because you're 
suspended in the sea, you can try out unusual 
angles that would be impossible on land." 

Of course, people worry about the dan- 
gers of dallying while diving. But, says 
Byrd, you wear special gear to effort- 
lessly keep yourself at the depth you 
want, Anywhere down to 30 feet 
is safe, and if the sea is warm, 

your body will easily respond 
to balling beneath the briny. 


MUSCLE-BOUND 

Discovered: what women real- 
ly think about our bodies. But do 
we really want to know? Accord- 
ing to Paul J. Lavrakas, research 
psychologist at Loyola University 
of Chicago, today's woman pre- 
fers her men to be slimly athletic 
and slenderly healthy—a big con- 
trast to the traditional Charles 
Atlas characters of muscle beach. 
But Lavrakas’ research 
shows that most guys still 
think that women want 
men to have physiques 
like Greek gods. 


—HOWARD SMITH AND 
BRIAN VAN DER HORST 


DENNIS MAGDICH 


249 


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