Skip to main content

Full text of "PLAYBOY"

See other formats 


PLAYBOY'S 
MUSIC 
AWARD 
WINNERS 


$ 


k - ш ы 
Shoot every 1^ seconds. All automatically. 


No other camera in the world 


€ rpoi X. 


retoucher 


Daytime with flash, N ighttime without. 


does it all. 


Polaroids SX-70 Alpha 1. 


'Décisions...decisions. Make yout decision 


JT — H LE шеш 
; ша ЕБ 
tower in tar than ài Е р = |] | 
other Lights. Only 7 mg. tar. 


20 FILTER 
CIGARETTES 


PALE: MALL EXTRA Y ERG PALL MALL GOLD dus CU Os PAEE MALL-RED 
“The low tar withthe’ ^ ^: Thé great taste of ine оту witha filter. : 
taste that could: only com со Ра Mall tobaccós. ‚America’s best-tasting ~“: 
г Ягот Pall Mally 2: ШЕЕ Not too strong; fat: \-king-size cigarettes: 
К ado ;too light. Not too long. made to taste even 
«Tastes just right...” Milder. witha filter. 


Pall Mall Extra Light <+: 7 mg. "tà ; 
Pall Mall 100's 18 dg. "tar", 1.4 mg. nicotine àv. per cigarette, TTC Report Aug. 77. 


Pall Mall Filter King Jn. "а, 12 mg. nicotine av. per geni е Report Aug. 77. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking !s Dangerous to Your Health. 


PLAYBILL 


тив YEAR MARKS the tenth anniversary of the assassination of 
Senator Robert F. Kennedy. Yet, to this day, there is still as 
much mystery clouding the events in L.A.'s Ambassador Hotel 
as there is surrounding Jack Kennedy's death five years earlier. 
Sirhan B. Sirhan, the convicted assassin, never once admitted 
full competence in the commission of the murder and recently 
requested leave from prison to visit the crime site, allegedly to 
"jog his memory.” Now we have Carmen Falzone, former cell- 
mate and professed confidant of Sirhan. Falzone, a convicted 
burglar, claims to have discussed the assassination with Sirhan, 
gaimmg new insights into his motivation and uncovering а 
bizarre terrorist scheme involving the theft of nuclear arms. 
James McKinley, author of our comprehensive 1976 series 
Playboy's History of Asassination in America, was dispatched 
to do some digging into Falzone's story. His investigative report 
led Inside Sirhan. 

The Robert Kennedy assassination provided the springboard 
for America’s plunge into the Nixon era, an era vividly 
ck to life in a series of syndicated interviews with 
ake produced by talk-show host/journalist David Frost. 
"his month, we turn the tables on Frost: He's the subject of 
our Playboy Interview, conducted by Lawrence Linderman. And, 
The Breaking of Richard Nixon, James Reston, Je, reveals 
just how Frost's team, of which he was а member, dug up 
some of the dirt on the ex-President. 

Last month, you were treated to the first installment of an 
Gore Vidal's latest novel, Kalk 
the end of the world. We conclude our excerpt in this issue 
and if your appetite is whetted, and we're sure it will be, the 
complete novel will be available from Random House this 
month. Speaking of excerpts, we've got a dandy one in Elizo- 
beth McNeill's elegant, erotic tale of a sadomasochistic relation- 
ship, Nine and а Half Weeks. We've chosen a juicy chunk 
for you from the book of the same title to be published soon 
by E. P. Dutton. The illustrations are by Martin Hoffman. 

Back for the third part in our series Pushed to the Edge is 
the intrepid Craig Vetter. Still alive after being forced to climb 
a solid wall of ice and launch himself from a ski jump, Vetter's 
test escapade is The Sky Dive. М you enjoy death-def 
feats best when they are vicarious, Vetter's your mai 

Music lovers will be pleased to hear that Playboy Music '78 
offers the results of our annual music poll—along with a 
roundup of the year in music produced by Contributing Edi- 
tor and resident rocker David Standish and Associate Art Director 
Skip Williamson. Rescarch Editors Tom Pessavant and Kate Nolan 
did the digging. The illustrations are by Kim Whitesides, Punk 
rock was big last year and so werc dict fads. We don't dig them 
unless they're the kind depicted by Associate Art Director Bob 
Post in our little rib-tickler labeled 4 Diet of Sex. It's not liquid 
protein, but we like it. You may also have noted that we like 
beautiful women; in fact, the more the better. And you won't 
find more beautiful women in one place than you'll find at the 
s. Photographer Richard Fegloy 
mera in producing our pictorial on 
the Р: п pleasure dome, The Fillies of C Horse. Fortu- 
nately, by the time Fegley returned to our studio, he had devel- 
oped a system for aircooling his camera. Fortunately because 
his next assignment was to do our centerfold girl, Pamela Jean 
Bryont, ОГ all the mail we got in praise of our first hurrah for 
the Girls of the Big Ten, probably half of it mentioned 
Pamela. Check out the gatcfold and sce wh 

ОГ course, there's plenty more. Such as a selection of whiskey 
cockt from Emonuel Greenberg and Treads and Threads, а 
loving tribute to motorcycles and cycle fashions put together 
by Associate Editor Jomes Petersen and Fashion Editor David Platt. 
Tes all a great way to spring into spring. 


famed Crazy Horse Saloon in Pa 
managed to overheat his с 


04 
VIDAL WHITESIDES 


| WILLIAMSON, STANDISH, PASSAVANT 


& 


HOFFMAN 


| FEGLEY 
| 


POST VETTER 


4 


vol. 25, no. 4—april, 1978 


PLAYBOY. 


CONTENTS FOR THE MEN'S ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE 


Inside Sirhan 


Horse Women 


Kalki Concluded 


Sexy Sisters 


love Story? 


PEAY BILD Sit or osu oie Stee nie ts ieee rei gi чар ae alee = hes 3 
DEAR PLAYBOY ....................› еен ое ее nn 
PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS ..................-... Due dide o ewe vij 
BOOKS И с ч МЕ су IEEE 24 
DINING & DRINKING . 32 
33 
36 
38 
45 

SELECTED SHORT 
A BORN-AGAIN HUSTLER ................. ART BUCHWALD 49 


It is said that angels have no sex, but now that Larry Flynt has found religion, 
look for separate bathrooms in heaven. 


ТНЕ'РГАҮВОҮ. -ADVISOR ЕТЕУГЕ pa aasa fU 


PLAYBOYASEXIPOLDEC e e ore e a E e a EE 55 
This month's question: "What living arrangement. wovld be ideal for perfect 
sex? One to one, two women and one man, etc.? 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM .......-.----.- er IR „р EDS 61 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: DAVID FROST—condid conversation ....... 67 
The most visible interrogator in America talks about his historic five-part 
interview with former President Mixon, his career and his reputation as an 
intercontinental ladies’ man. 


THE BREAKING OF 
RICHARD NIXON—article .... 
The story behind the story of the Frost Мо 


INSIDE SIRHAN—article . JAMES McKINLEY 96 
When Sirhan Sithan was arrested for the assassination of Robert Kennedy, 
he was shrouded in mystery. His lawyers claimed he was insane. Now, con- 
versalions with Sirhan's only close friend in prison take you into Sirhan's mind 
and let you decide for yourself about his mental condition. 


-JAMES RESTON, JR. 93 


erviews. 


THE FILLIES OF CRAZY HORSE—pictorial essay . . . 100 
For nearly 30 years, this Paris club has typified la vie porisienne. As you 
will see, its girls are enough to make any stud crazy. 


PUSHED TO THE EDGE: PART THREE 
THE SKY DIVE—article . ‚......СВА!О VETTER 108 
The author, who has agreed to play footsie with death six ways for your 
reading enjoyment and a modest fee, returns with another firsthand tale of 
terror. This time, he jumps out of an airplane and manages to keep his lunch. 


AND ANY REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES їз PURELY COINCIDENTAL. CREDITS: COVER: FLAYMATE/ MODEL SUSAN KIGER AND MODEL PATTY KIGER, DESIGNED EY TOM STAEOLER, PHOTOGRAPHED BY 
TOM STAEBLER. OTHIR PHOTOGRAPHY BY: GILL ARSENAULT, P. 162; DAVE DAMM, P. 3; PETER J. BARTOK, P. 164; MICHAEL BERRY, P. 164; NANCY CRAMPTON, P. 3; NICHOLAS DE SCIOSE, 


COVER STORY 


This month's cover features one cf the delicious sels of siblings awaiting you in our 
Sisters pictorial. The blonde is January 1977 Playmate Susan Kiger and the brunette is 
her sister, Patty. Executive Art Director Tom Staebler, who designed and photographed 
the cover, also designed the Kigers’ dresses. "They're just two pieces of satin sewn 
together ond pinned by а Rabbit clasp,” says Tom. He should know. 


A DIET OF SEX—humor ............- ЗЕРИ о 111 
Schlup your way to health, happiness and a flot stomach with our guaranteed 
еаѕу-аѕ-ріе method. 


HANDS-OFF HI-Fl—modern living Me M I] e HI t 114 
Computers and remote control can make you оп easy-does-it magician of 
sound in your own living room. 

CUTTING LOOSE— playboy's playmate of the month ............ 118 


Pamela Jeon Bryant was а telecommunications major at the U of Indiana 


when we discovered her for September's Girls of the Big Ten pictorial; but- 


since then, she's left the dusty halls of academia for the fresh air of Florida, 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES—humor ........................... 130 


KALKI сноп) een eR eae en: . -GORE VIDAL 132 
The mon Norman Mailer loves to hate concludes his two-part scarifying fan- 
tasy depicting the destruction of the world. 


TREADS AND THREADS—modern living ....................... 135 
If clothes make the man, c motorcycle makes the clothes. A guide to cycles 
and cyclewear for the man about town on two wheels. Fashion Editor David 
Platt handles the clothes; Associate Editor Jim Petersen shakes out the bikes. 


NINE AND A HALF WEEKS: 

AN INCREDIBLE LOVE AFFAIR—memoir ...... ELIZABETH McNEILL 142 
How one perfectly sane young woman found herself chained to the bed by c 
perfect gentleman and learned to love it. 


SISTERS—pictorial Pe = 147 
"Are there any more at home like you?" is a standard line to a pretty girl, 
but it's a logical one, because beauty often comes in pairs, even bunches, 
as these fetching siblings amply prove. 


GREEKS AND ROMANS--ribeld dassic ....................... 157 


MIXING IT UP WITH WHISKEY—drink ...... EMANUEL GREENBERG 159 
A lot of liquors have risen in popularity as cocktail mixers and then have 
fallen. But people seem always to return to that American favorite. 


PLAYBOY MUSIC '78—survey ......... bes 161 
The results of our annual poll, another stellar collection of hits, hypes and 
heavies, the latest entry in the Playboy Music Hall of Fame and a wrap-up 


"Geronimo" Vetter 


Cycle Modes 


Poll Winners. 


of what has gone down on the post year's music scene by Mark Von Lehmden. i 
Bos 

SILVER LINING—ottire _...... CNET NE 173 a 

It's the rainy season, and we'll show you how to dodge the raindrops in style. 
PLAYBOY FUNNIES—humor ......... ; 174 
PLAYBOY'S PIPELINE ................ 201 

Тах audits, importing cars, old houses. 
PLAYBOY POTPOURRI ...... ЖЫК een т ТСИ 228 
PLAYBOY ON THE SCENE ............. dv MP MEN 

Quick cookers, loose threads, wild wheels. Slimming Sex P. HH 
Б fp. S capu rali corvi tayo ain ашды, Р: батша gue D RSEN Cm t toni er ET маалга E L a S еМ rA) o TNR 


T- Ji JANE VISCUM, ғ. 3; WIDE WORLD, P. At: DARON томан. P. 2, INSERTS: HEUBLEIM INSERT, ВЕТМЕСН PF. 40. 41; 214. 215. PLAYBOY CLUBS INTERNATIONAL CARD, 


FOSTAGE PAID AT CH6O., ILL. а AT ADDL MAILING OFFICES, SUBSCRIPTIONS: IN THE U. 3., 344 FON ONE YEAR. 


APRIL. 1918, VOL. эз. WO. 4. PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY PLATHOY. IN NATIONAL AND REGIONAL EDITIONS. PLAYBOY BLDG... 919 н, MICHIGAN AVE, CHCO . ILL. SOMIY. SECONO-CLASS 
FOSTWASTER: SEND FORM 3878 To PLAYBOY, P. O. BOX 2420, BOULDER, COLO. В0502. 5 


PLAYBOY 


THE ORDINARY WAY TO 
PROJECT AND STORE SLIDES HAS BEEN 
ROUND LONG ENOUGH. 


That's why Bell & Howell invented the improvement: 
Slide Cube™ System IL It's an extraordinary way to project, 
store, and enjoy your slides. 

Everything to look for in a slide projector you'll find in 
Slide Cube System II. Precision optics. Dependable slide 
handling. Efficient slide cooling. 

There are also extras to see and hear. Like handsome 
projector styling, quiet operation, and an exclusive preview/ 
edit window that shows every slide before projection. 

То organize and store slides, there are 
ingenious Slide Cube"Cartridges 
that hold slides in one-eighth the 
space for about one-third the cost of 
round slide trays. Cartridges pro- 
tect slides from dust, light, 
smudges, and warping. Since 
there are no slots to fill, up to 40 
slides can be loaded and ready 
to show in seconds. 2 
3 Anordinary slide pro- 
jector wor't save money, 
space, and time like Slide “ai 

ube System II. So ask a 
Bell & Howell dealer to 
demonstrate the improvement 


SLIDE CUBE SYSTEM Il 


HOWELL- MAMIYA COMPANY 01978 АП Rights Reserved. 


BELL 
Bell & Howell and Slide Cube are Bell & Howell Company trademarks. For more information write: 
Bell & Howell = Mamiya Company, Dept. PB-06, 7100 McCormick Road, Chicago, IL 60645 


PLAYBOY 


HUGH M. HEFNER 
editor and publisher 


NAT LEHRMAN associate publisher 


ARTHUR KRETCHMER editorial director 
ARTHUR PAUL art director 
SHELDON WAX managing editor 
GARY COLE photography editor 
С. BARRY GOLSON executive editor 
TOM STAEBLER executive art director 


EDITORIAL 
ARTIC! LAURENCE GONZALES editor; FIC- 
TION: VICTORIA CHEN HAIDER editor; STAFF: 
TERRY CATCHPOLE, WILLIAM J. HELMER, 
GRETCHEN MCNEESE, DAVID STEVENS senior edi- 
1015: JOHN BLUMENTHAL, ROBERT CARR, JAMES 
A. PETERSEN, JOHN REZEK associate editors; 
WALTER L. LOWE, J. F. O'CONNOR, ED WALKER 
assistant editors; BARBARA NELLIS research 
Supervisor; КАТЕ NOLAN, TOM PASSAVANT ré- 
search editors; SERVICE. FEATURES: TOM 
owen modern living editor; DAVID. PLATT 
fashion editor; CARTOONS: wicHELLE URRY 
editor; COPY: ARLENE BOURAS editor; JACKIE 
JOHNSON FORMELLER, MARSHA MORGAN, SUSAN 
O'BRIEN, BECKY THALER-DOLIN, MARY ZION re- 
searchers; CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: MURRAY 
FISHER, ROBERT L. GREEN, NAT HENTOFF, ANSON 
MOUNT, PETER ROSS RANGE, RICHARD RHODES, 
JEAN SHEPHERD, ROBERT SHERRILL, DAVID STAN- 
DISH, BRUCE WILLIAMSON (movies) 


ART 
KERIG POPE managing director; LEN WI 
«НЕТ suski senior directors; BOR POST, SKIP 
WILLIAMSON associate directors; BRUCE 
JOSEPH PACZEK assistant directors, 
TCHORYK senior art assistant; BETH RASIK ait 
assistant; KATHY KRAFT traffic coordinator; 
BARBARA HOFFMAN administrative assistant 


PHOTOGRAPHY 


MARILYN GRABOWSKI west coast editor; 
COHEN, JANICE MOSES associate editors 
WAYNE new york edilor; RICHARD FEGLE 
POMPEO rosat staff photographers; JAM 
LARSON photo manager; BILL. ARSENAULT, DON 
AZUMA, DAVID CHAN, PHILLIP DIXON, DWIGHT 
Ноокен, к. SCOTT HOOPER, RICHARD 1201, 
KEN MARCUS, ALEXAS URBA contributing pho- 
lographers; PATTY BEAUDET, MICHAEL BERRY 
assistant editors; james warb color lab super- 
visor; ROBERT cHELIUS administrative editor 


PRODUCTION 
Joun Mastko director; ALLEN VARGO man- 
адет; YLEANORE WAGNER, МАМА MANDIS, 
CAROL TOWNS, RICHARD QUAKTAROLL assistants 


READER SERVICE, 
JANE COWEN SCHOEN manager 


CIRCULATION 


ксилир SMITH director; J. к. ARDISSONE news- 
stand sales manager; ALVIN WIEMOLD subscrip- 
lion manager 


ADVERTISING 
HENRY W. MARKS advertising director 


ADMINISTRATIVE 
MICHAEL LAURENCE business manager; PATRICIA 
FAPANGELIS administrative editor; ROSE JEN- 
ighis & permissions manager; MILDRED 
ZIMMERMAN administrative assistant 


PLAYBOY ENTERPRISES, INC. 
DERICK J. DANIELS president 


5 YEARS 010. IMPORTED IN BOTTLE FROM CANADA BY HIRAM WALKER IMPORTERS INC., DETROIT, MICH. 86.8 PROOF. BLENOED CANAOIAN WHISKY. © 1978 


E 


Look closely and you can 


N 


actually see where 


we hid a case of Canadian Club. 


There are more than 7 
million stories in the 
Big Apple. And one of 
them is a hidden case 
of Canadian Club 
whisky that is yours 
„if you can find it. 
Begin your search 
for the world's finest 
tasting whisky at the 
bottom of the world's 3rd tallest building. Im- 
mediately proceed by taxi in as straight a line as 


Get out the second the meter reads $3.65 and 
walk toward the wonderful sound of 196 foun- 
tains. Hop onto the nearest double-decker-bus 
and ridethe same number of blocks as there are 
bridges out of town. 

You're getting very close. 

Now stroll over to a familiar mounted officer 
and climb into one of the cabs waiting for you. 
Tell the driver to make a right, a left and a right. 


possible toward “The House that Ruth Built” 


It is now time to board a train that some 
think was named after the smoothest whisky 
in 87 lands. Get off at a station near Adam 
Van Den Berg's cow pasture. Without paying, 
another fare, take another train three stops. 


Say, “C.C., please" and the case is yours. 
Walk two blocks toward the setting sun and 
half that distance toward the nearest city res- 
ervoir. There, at a very prominent address, 
higher up than the eye can see, someone is 
ready to hand you the case of Canadian Club. 
when you say, "C.C, please” 

But if for some reason you should get a 
little weary along the way, don't panic. The 
New York area has 10,848 bars and restau- 
rants that will be delighted to serve you 
Canada's favorite Canadian. 


“The Best In The House” * in 87 lands. 


9 Imagine a Volksv 
limousine. Got it? Good! 
You have now grasped the 
idea of the VW Dasher 
The Dash e $ 
sumptuous cars; 
some very classy ma 
surprising ways. 
The Dasher Wagon holds 
more than any wagon in its 
B class, and thats that. 


sell one. 


Wrangler thinks 
Americans 
should get what 
they pay for. 
Thats yourright | 
andour, |. 
responsibility. 


^ ani NA 
eS f b 
= А 


ngler Mens 
350Fifth Avenue, New York 10001. 
© 1978 by Blue Bell, Inc. 


DEAR PLAYBOY 


ADDRESS DEAR PLAYBDY 
PLAYBOY BUILDING 
919 N. MICHIGAN AVE. 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611 


PLAYMATE REVIEW. 
After viewing the January Playmate 
Review pictorial, I am totally convinced 
that Sondra Theodore, Nicki Thomas 
and Lisa Sohm are the three most beau- 
tiful ladics in the world. 
Lee С. Montgomery 
Dallas, Texas 


Thanks for another year of beautiful 
and sexy Playmates. It was heaven, but 
I can't wait for 778. 

Dave Duncan 
Conneaut, Ohio 


Here are three votes for September 
doll Debra Jo Fondren as 1978 Playmate 
of the Year! 


Dan Cook 

Dan Chandler 
Arnie Reyher 
Garden City, Kansas 


Star (Stowe) outshines all others the 
way a supernova outclasses Sol. Any man 
would love to make beautiful music with 
her. Give us more, more, more. 

Rik Davis 

San Francisco, California 


Obviously, you saved the best for last 
in 1977. December Playmate Ashley Cox 
gets my vote for Playmate of the Y 
Rob Sinith 
Dallas, Texas 


I'm going to spend all summer look- 
ing for Virve Reid on our nude beach. 
"There's no question that Canada has the 
best-looking women in North America 

Rick Harley 
Vancouver, British Columbia 


The picture of Playmate Julia Lyndon 
in the Playmate Review is absolutely the 
most sensuous photograph of the female 
figure I've ever scen. It brings out quali- 
ties im her that do not appear in her 
centerfold shot. The full, pouting lips, 
the caressing of her own luscious breasts, 


her dark pubic hair peeking out from 
between her partly crossed thighs. Lovely. 
Jim Harper 
Kansas City, Missouri 


I think that the next Playmate of the 
Year should be Hefs "Baby Blue,” 
Sondra Theodore. 

Andy Craig 
Durhamville, New York 


Lisa Sohm and Sondra Theodore are 
extremely nice, but Susan Kiger (who 
could be Eve reincarnated) is definitely 
my choice for Playmate of the Ycar. 
avid Hamberg 
Union, New Jerscy 


I mised only one issue last year, 
October, so I had to wait for your review 
to see the beautiful Miss Winder. Kris- 
tine gets my vote for Playmate of the 
Year and you get my promise to buy all 
12 issues in 78. 

Dan Akins 
Los Angeles, California 


ERICH’S STORY 

Erich Segal's Doctor Fastest (PLAY nov, 
January) is a superstory 10 go along with 
a supersport. 


5. C. Moultine 
Cheney, Washington 


Being a marathon runner, I enjoyed 
Doctor Fastest. However, I question the 
passage on page 236 that states, “Lasse 
Viren spent an hour trying to convince 
him to wear Nike track shoes.” Actually, 
doesn't Viren endorse Tiger shoes? 

D. Coughlin 
Batavia, New York 
у. picky, picky. 


FARMER'S FICTION 

Humor written by Mark Twain, at 
his flawless best, can't surpass the little 
gem of fiction that Philip José Farmer 
has crafted. The Henry Miller Dawn 
Patrol (rLAYmov, December) is simply 


Pick 


PLAYBOY, APRIL, 1978, VOLUME 15, Киная 


PUBLISHED MONTHLY ву PLAYBOY, PLAYBOY BUILDING 
NS: IN THE UNITED STATES АКО ITS POSSESSION 


PADO 80302. AND ALLOW 45 DATS FON CHANGE, MARKETING: ED CONDON, DIRECTOR / DIRECT MARKETING MICHAEL J, MURPHY, 
CIRCULATION PROMOTION DIRECTOR. ADVERTISING: HENRY W, MARKS, ADVERTISING DIRECTOR: HAROLD OUCHin. NATIONAL SALES 


LES, STANLEY L. PERKINS, MANAGER, B721 IEVERLY GLVD.; SAN FRANCISCO. ROUERT E. STEPMENS, MANAI 


GIVENCHY 
GENTLEMAN 
eau de toilette 


\ 


Think of it 
as 
investment 


Eau de Toilette 
After Shave Lotion 
Bath Soap 
Shaving Foam 


OG Protein Shampoo 


mrmmmra Spray Talc 


cay 
GENTLEMAN 
sou делоече 


PLAYBOY 


12 


unmatched for riotous comedy. Too bad 
Henry Miller had to go, even as he came. 
‘The immortal old pilot should have reap- 
peared from time to time to subdue more 
Fokkers, I nominate Farmer for creator 
of this century's best piece. 

Bruce Bunting 

Lincoln, Nebraska 


We want to let you know that The 
Henry Miller Dawn Patrol is one of the 
funniest and best-written stories we have 
ever read. 
Kelly Bayes 
Gerald Hansen 
Emporia, Kansas 


Introducing Philip José Farmer to the 
pages of гілувоу was probably the wis- 
est editorial move you have ever made. 
The Henry Miller Dawn Patrol is quin- 
tessential Farmer and, like everything else 
he has written, it is superlative. 

Denny Daley 
Chicago, Illinois 


FILM MAKERS’ FANTASIES 
Being a film maker myself, I thorough- 
ly enjoyed your pictorial Film Directors 
Erotic Fantasies in the January issue. But 
1 аш curious as to the identityof the young 
woman in the Richard Fegley/Richard 
Brooks photo. She reminds me of actress 
Donna Mills. Who is she? 
Michael К. Goi 
Chicago, Ilinois 
Glad you asked, Mike. She's Karen 
Leigh and we gave her the old double 
take ourself. As a result, she is now in 
the initial stages of a Playmate shooting. 
Keep your eyes on our centerfold for 
further developments. 


JEAN-PAUL'S ART 
Т want to express my thoughts on 4 
Conversation About Sex and Women 
with Jean-Paul Sartre (rLAy tov, January), 
by Catherine Chaine. I was impressed 
with Sartre's views of women and his 
relationships with more than one woman. 
His philosophy is so very true and comes 
across superbly. His idea about feeling re- 
sponsible for the woman is reality itself. 
Robin Whitt 
Burlington, Wisconsin 


DEBRA'S DEBUT 
Without a doubt, Miss January, Debra 
Jensen, is the best centerfold you have 
had in а long time. Keep it up! 
John D. Saville 
Greenville, Delaware 


She is absolutely the most beautiful 
girl I've seen in PLAYBOY 
Tom Liski 
Adrian, Michigan 


Although the University of Georgia is 
populated with the foxicst women in 
the world, we believe that Debra Jensen's 
beauty surpasses that of all of them. The 
consensus here is that the January issue 


is one of your finest. We would like to 
see more of Debra Jensen in the future, 
preferably in our hall. 
Residents of Four North 
Russell Hall 
University of Georgia 
Athens, Georgia 


I moved to the West Coast six months 
ago—I didn't know I had such beautiful 
neighbors in Orange County. 

Tom Vincent 

Long Beach, Californi 


I would like to commend your maga- 
zine, Phillip Dixon and whoever the 
lucky guy was who spotted Debra Jensen. 
How about one more shot of her to put 
my mind at case? Pretty please. Thanks. 

William Edward 

Youngstown, Ohio 
Don't grovel, Bill, it ain't cool. Besides, 


we need only the slightest excuse to run 
another shot of Debra. Got a light? 


FAST SHUFFLE 
After seeing the pictorial Card Tricks 
in your December issue, I felt it neces- 
sary to write this note. The quote “Jay 
describes the techniques that allow him 
to throw a card higher, faster and farther 
than anyone else in the world" is abso- 
lutely incorrect and totally unfair to me. 
I hold the current world's record for 
playing-card throwing; therefore, it is I 
who have thrown a card farther, faster, 
higher and der than anyone in his- 
tory—confirmed by the Guinness Book 
of World Records. Y believe equal ex- 
posure is in ordei 
Kevin St. Onge 
Dearborn Heights, Michigan 
We're happy to set the record straight, 
Kevin. According to UPI, St. Onge 
bested Ricky Jays record of 135 feet with 
a screamer of 153 feet, 7 inches last 
August. А magician by profession, St. 
Onge claims the card leaves his hand at 


a speed of 98 mph and can rip through 
nine pages of newspaper. Now, that’s a 
card trick. 


DREAM LOVERS 

Your review of my 
research (“Inside Stor Sexcetera, 
PLAYBOY, December) about sexual-fantas 
pattern differences in men and women 
incorrect in two respects, First, my name 
is not Richard but Robert. Second, fe- 
males generally fantasized themselves as 
the recipients of sexual activity, while 
males fantasized their imagined sexual 
partners as the recipients of sexual activ- 
ity. Only marginal tendencies toward re- 
versal of this basic, gender-specific pattern 
occurred. Tendencies toward reversal oc 
curred in “daydreaming” sexual fantasies 
for women and in “masturbatory” sexual 
fantasies for men. Thanks, however, for 
getting the basic spirit of the research 
Correct; ie, that sexual fantasies сап po- 
tentially have important adaptive attri- 
butes and are often crucial to the human 
experience. 


psychological 


Robert A. Mednick, Ph.D. 
New York, New York 


SANDSTONE REVISITED 

I found the article by Dan Greenburg 
on his revisiting Sandstone (PLAvmov, 
January) an unwitting commentary on 
the human sexual state- 

At its close, with feelings ranging from 
childlike exuberance to sullen jealousy, it 
became clear to me just why and how 

indstone was lacking. 

It seems we're all too far removed from 
what 1 label the Eden experience, where- 
by the ego, mind schemes, possessions, etc., 
are all set aside for an open, relaxed, al- 
most innocent attitude toward sex (group 
or otherwise) that some primitives to this 
day enjoy. 
From all the accounts ble, the 
ndstone staff did little, if anything, to 
help the participants deal with some of 
the human questions posed in cutting 
across centuries of cultural taboos to re 
claim that Eden experience. 

Glenn G, Galtere 

Atlanta, Georgi: 


ava 


WE ARE NOT ALONE 
PLAYBOY has done it again with the 
January panel on UFOs. First you broke 
the sex barrier and now you've broken 
the sound barrier on UFOs. Sure, it's a 
controversial subject, but someone has to 
tackle it and you have done it well. 
John F. Schuessler 
Houston, Texas 


Regarding Philip J. Klass’s "rigorous 
investigation” (God, how he loves that 
phrase!) of the Coyne helicopter/UFO 
case: The Coyne object was under con 
tinuous observation for approximately 
300 seconds. It “stopped,” maintaining а 
hovering relationship with the helicop- 
ter, for a definable period of time. lt was 


с Weekends 
-were made 
for Michelob. 


By ANHEUSER-BUSCH, INC.’ ST-LOUIS = SINCE 1896 ts 


PLAYBOY 


14 


not a meteor. How dare I challenge the 
omniscient Mr. Klass? Easy! I did the 
research, he didn't. Makes you wonder 
about the credibility of Klass's other “rig- 
orous investigation 


Jennie Zeidman 
Columbus, Ohio 


I was standing on a hill photographing 
when this UFO flew by me. The object 
looked like two coffee-cup saucers placed 
together and painted silver. This craft 


had some markings on it that I have never 
heard about in other sightings. I hope 
this photo will help in discovering the 
mysteries of the UFO. 
Steve Tuttle 
Alexandria, Virg 
Something tells us these aliens come 
from a lunch counter of the worst kind. 


We assisted a student in taking this 
photo [below] during a routine lumar- 
photography session for an introductory 
astronomy course. There is à shadow cast 
by the object on the lunar surface in the 
same direction as the crater shadows, 
which leads us to discount the possibility 
of the images having been caused by 

nyth rth-bound. 

Andrew Tabor 

Gavin Watson 

Department of Astronomy 
ms College 
Massachusetts 
* Frankly, we aren't at all surprised to 
see a UFO on the moon. As crowded as 
the skies are supposed to be, these aliens 
probably just wanted a little peace. 


P J. Klass states that it would 
take 100 years at the rate of 70,000,000 
mph for a spaceship to travel from 
Alpha Centauri to Earth and back. If a 
ship from Alpha Centauri could manage 
a speed 80 percent that of the speed of 
light, a junket to Earth would be like a 
trip to the zoo. Which is perhaps the way 
a race so advanced would view the trip. 

Christopher J. Barker 
Danville, Virgin 


Perhaps if more real scientific tech- 
nique were applied to solving the mystery. 


of UFOs, instead of the noying 
pessimism of Mr. Klass and Dr. Taves 
and the unrealistic optimism of Dr. 


Vallee, we would be able to filter out 

the truth from the huge pile of trash we 

зеет to have accumulated on the subject. 
Ric DeGunther 
Champaign, Illinois 


On August 2, 1965, a group of UFOs 
flew over Tulsa, Oklahoma, and was 
witnessed by hundreds of people. This 


picture, taken by 14-yea-old Allen Smith, 
was published in the Oklahoma Journal. 
George Tippet 
Tulsa, Oklahoma 


If these are scientific minds, I feel 
safer with my own conclusions. I've 
heard more intelligent and objective con- 
versations among laymen. 

Jan Gardner 
Torrance, Califor 


Our history has proved that when we 
don't understand something of greater 
knowledge, we end up destroying it. How 


would we act if unknown intelligence 
tried to communicate with Earth? I hope 
we would try to learn. 
Steve Rust 
Milwaukee, Wisconsin 


Туе researched the UFO controversy 
for 20 years, and would like to say how 
much I enjoyed the Playboy Panel: 
UFOs. In my opinion, it is outstanding. 
Enclosed is an illustration of the most 


commonly reported UFO occupant, 
based on our research, which your readers 
may find of interest. This is what a close 
encounter of the third kind looks like. 
Hayden C. Hewes 
Edmond, Oklahoma 


Charles Hickson convinced me of the 
fallaciousness of all the UFO sightings. 
In his words, “Their hands were similar 
to claws or mittens.” Any creature intelli- 
gent enough to have conquered space 
travel would, of necessity, have hands 
similar to ours. Claws or mittens would 
just not make it. 

Dave Rogers 
Madison Heights, Michigan 


1 continue to enjoy the Playboy 
Is that delve deeply into a subject. 
L be a good idea next time to 
delve deeply into the backgrounds of the 
so-called experts. 
Philip De Guard 

North Hollywood, California 


T believe there is something out there, 
something real, not just illusions. Some 
y we will learn that we should not 
c ridiculed witnesses of UFOs 

K. Keller 

Tulsa, Oklahoma 


The January panel on UFOs reminds 
me of my first encounter with Professor 


The cigarette 
with more. 


More has more of everything you could ask 
for in a cigarette. 

More is longer and burns slower. So you 
get more smooth, mild, satisfying taste from 
each cigarette. 

MENTHOL And because More lasts longer, you 
may find yourself going through 
fewer packs and saving more money. 

More, the 120mm cigarette. 
Ask for it. 


FILTER CICARETTES 


© 1578 8.1.9ttNOLOS OG CCOCO. 


Warming: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


E FILTER: 21 mg. "tar", 15 mg. nicotine, MENTHOL: That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. 
21 mg. "tar", 1.5 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette, FTC Report AUG 77 


PLAYBOY 


you 


Viat 


(15 


Rs 
is 


25 


2 


22 
4 


J. Allen Hynek during my undergradu- 
ate years at Northwestern University. He 
in 


convinced me that the notion tha 
infinitely huge universe the carth is the 
only abode of intelligent life is patently 
absurd. Keep on telling it like it is, Dr. 
Hynek. 


Victor Jean-Pierre 
Cincinnati, Ohio 


life docs 


The fact that cxtraterres 
exist is expertly displayed in the panel 
debate. Maybe now someone from our 
Government will investigate UFOs with 
out one’s landing on the front lawn of 
the Pentagon. Thanks, and may you be 
the first to have a centerfold of a seduc- 
tive Martian female. 

Michael Sellars 
Canoga Park, California 


THE MOVIE GAME 
In the article Hollywood Goes Big- 
Budget Bananas in the January PLAYBOY, 
author Jim Harwood contends that the 
neighborhood theater is bound for extinc 
tion. While that may be true, Harwood's 
use of Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, as an 
example in support of his contention is 
questionable. It was not three downtown 
theaters that closed but rather one theater 
how: 
that theater complex shut its doors only 
area filmgoers chose not to 
the inconveniences resulting from 
massive downtown urban-renewal projects 
necessitated by the floods of the 1972 trop- 
storm Agnes. More importantly, while 
three downtown minitheaters have been 
sent reeling, so to speak, four new theaters 
have opened in the greater Wilkes Barre 
area in the past 12 months. 
Carl С. Pretko 
Kingston, Pennsylva 


ng three miniscreens. Furthermore, 


It worked! You have 


got us hooked 

on your game, The Hollywood Hustle. 
Ronald Brooks 
Baltimore, Maryland 


Faced with large amounts of spare time 
and lacking the desire to crack 
we decided to crack your m 
stead. We came across The Hollywood 
Hustle and quickly became involved in it 
Playing with such film greats as Kaye 
Runaway and June Honda is fun, but 
we wonder why you limited yourself to 
conventional movies and left out such he. 
тое as Linda Loveface and Hairy Creams. 
Kcep up the good work! 

Mike Yarnoff 

Kenny Goldberg 

College of William and Mary 
Williamsburg, Virginia 


DIS-COVERING RITA 

I couldn't help but notice the simi 
Iarity between the cover of your January 
issue and that of the November 1967 
issue. 1 would like to know whether 
the “unseen possessor of the deft hand” 


back in November 1967 was also Tom 
1f so, you'd better make him sto 
you КШ him! A man can 
only so much. 


Deak Bulsara 
Trenton, Ontario 


The cover of January issue is 
the most sensuous yet! 
Charles A. Cox 
Lynchburg, Virginia 


Your Jar cover of Rita Lee says 
it all. I have never been turned on by 
cover of ri much as I have 
by this one. 
Greg Toaddy 
Wickliffe, 


ever realized how much of a turn- 
Ts back could be until I 
January cover of Rita Lec. 
with the sexy shot in your Playmate 
y, I'm still not satisfied, When will 
more of the lovely Rita? 
Joe Ingram 
New York, New York 
a look out your window, Joc. 


1 you carry Master Charge? 
wy 


you carry clout. x 
Y / Ih hotels. In restad rants. On {А N 

planes, and in stores. Ù 

V. Oloutis a Master Charge tari 

"The number опе card. Used by 
»more people, in more places, to 
саха іо EM UA ^ buy more things than any other 
кшн кч opo ione \ card in the world. 
[attractive Oriental "To get your card, just apply at 

: I M bank displaying 

if the reverse is also ш » e Master Charge sign. RES z 


since she’ 


blancas" 


Richard H. Reiss 
alo, New York 
in a perfect position 


M 


PLAYBOY 


WITH WHAT MINOLTA KNOWS ABOUT CAMERAS 
AND WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT YOURSELE 
WE CAN MAKE BEAUTIFUL PICTURES TOGETHER. 


If you've considered buying а 35mm 
single lens reflex camera, you may have 
wondered how to find the right one 
Sat of the bewildering array of models 
and features available. 

And with good reason, since the 
camera you choose will have a lot to 
do with how creative and rewarding 
your photography will be. 

iat you pay for your camera 
shouldn't be your only consideration, 
especially since there are some very 
еа Em ERO 
some of the features you really need. 
боса yourself how you'll be using the 
camera and what kind of pictures 
КСЫ E шист КОИ 
save а lot of money. 

How automatic 

should your camera be? 
Basically, there are two kinds of auto- 
matic 35mm SLR's. Both use advanced 
electronics to give you perfectly 
exposed pictures with point, focus and 
shoot simplicity. The difference is in 
creative control. 

For landscapes, still lifes, portraits 
and the like, you'll want an аретгите- 
priority camera. It lets you set the lens 
M 


shutter speed automatically. 

This way, you control depth-ob eld 
"That's the area of sharpness in front of 
and behind your subject. Many pro 
photographers believe that depth-of- 
баа is the most important factor in 
creative photography. 

At times you may want to control 
the motion of your subject. You can do 
this with an aperture-priority camera 
by changing the lens opening until the 
camera sets the shutter speed necessary 
to freeze or blur a moving subject. Or 
you can use a shutter-priority camera, on 
which you set the shutter speed first 
and the camera sets the lens automati- 
cally. 

Minolta makes both types of auto- 
matic camera, The Minolta XO-7 is 
moderately priced and offers aperture- 
priority automation, plus fully manual 
control. The Minolta XD-11 is some- 
what more expensive, but it's the 
world’s only 35mm SLR with both 
aperture and shutter-priority automa- 
tion, plus full manual control. 

The XD-11 is so advanced that during 


shutter priority operation it will actu- 
Шопен О sentes sce fall 
to make. 

Do you really need ап 

automatic camera? 

Automation makes fine photography 
easier. But if you do somc of the work 
yourself, you can save a lot of money 
and get pictures every bitas good. 

In this case, you might consider a 
Minolta SR-T. These are semi-auto- 
matic cameras. They have built-in, 
through-the-lens metering systems that 
tell you exactly how to set the lens and 
shutter for perfect exposure. You just 
align two indicators in the viewfinder. 

What to expect when you look 

into the camera’s viewfinder. 
The finder should give you a clear, 
bright view of your subject. Not just in 
the center, but even along the edges 
and in the corners. Minolta SLR's have 
bright finders, so that composing and 


light. And focusing aids in Minolta 


Minolta makes all kinds of 35mm SLRs, 
in concern is that you get 


Automatic sequence 
photography is easy 
you combine a 


w 
Minolta XD-11 o 


optional 
Auto Winder and Electroflash 200X. 


viewfinders make it easy to take criti- 
cally sharp pictures. 

Information is another thing you 
can expect to find in a well-designed 
finder. Everything you need to know 
for a perfect picture is right there in 2 
Minolta finder. 

In the Minolta XD-11 and XG-7, 
red light emitting diodes tell you what 
lens opening or shutter speed is being 
set automatically and warn against 
under or overexposure. In Minolta 
SR-T cameras, two pointers come 
together as you adjust the lens and 
shutter for correct exposure. 

Do you need an auto winder? 
You do if you like the idea of sequence 
photography, or simply want the lux- 
ury of power assisted film advancing. 
Minolta auto winders will advance one 
picture at a time, or continuously at 
about two per second. With advan- 
tages not found in others, like up to 
50% more pictures with a set of batter- 
ies and easy attachment to the camera 
without removing any caps. Optional 
auto winders are available for both the 
Minolta ХО-11 and XG-7, but not for 
Minolta SR-T cameras. 

How about electronic flash? 
An automatic electronic flash can be 
added to any Minolta SLR for easy, 
just about foolproof indoor photog- 
raphy without the bother of flashbulbs. 
For the XD-11 and XG-7, Minolta 
makes the Auto Electroflash 200X. It 
sets itself automatically for flash expo- 
sure, and it sets the camera 
autornatically for use with 
flash. An LED in the view- 
finder signals when the 
200X is ready го fire. Most 
udi. 


unusual: the Auto Electroflash 200X 
can fire continuously in perfect 
synchronization with Minolta auto 
winders. Imagine being able to take a 
sequence of 36 flash pictures without 
ever taking your finger off the button. 
You should be comfortable 
with your camera. 
The way a camera feels in your hands 
can make a big difference in the way 
you take pictures. 

The Minolta XD-11 and XG-7, for 
instance, are compact, but not 
cramped. Lightweight, but with a solid 
feeling of quality. Oversized controls. 
are positioned so that your fingers fall 
naturally into place. And their elec- 
tronically controlled shutters are 
incredibly smooth and quiet 

Minolta SR-T’s give you the heft 
and weight ofa slightly larger camera, 
but with no sacrifice in handling con- 
venience. As іп all Minolta SLR's, 
“human engineering” 
insures smooth, 
effortless 
operation. 
Are extra 
features 
important? 

If you use 

them, there 

area lot of 

extras that can make your 
photography more creative and 


model you choose, you can get 
exposures with pushbutton ease 


convenient. Depending on the Minolta 
multiple 


(even with an auto winder). A window 
to show that film is advancing prop- 
erly. A handy memo 
holder that holds the 
end of a film box to 
remind you of what 
film youre using. And 
a self-timer. 
What about the lens 
system? 
The SLR you buy 
should have a system 
of lenses big enough 
to satisfy your needs, 
not only today, but 
five years from today, 
The patented Minolta bayonet mount 
lets you change lenses with less than a 
quarter tum. There are almost 40. 
Minolta lenses available, ranging from 
7.5mm fisheye to 1600mm supertele- 
photo, including macro and zoom 
lenses and the world’s smallest 
500mm lens. 


The electronic viewfinder: LED's tell 
you what the camera is doing automati- 
cally to give you correct exposure. 


B 124 8 15 30,60,125 250 500 1000 


The match-needle viewfinder: just 
align tuw indicators for correct ex- 
> posure. Because you're 
the work, you can save som 


What's next? 

Think about how you'll use your 
camera and ask your photo dealer 
to let you try a Minolta. Compare 
it with other cameras in its price 
range. You'll soon see why more Ameri- 
cans buy Minolta than any other 
brand of SLR. For literature, write 
Minolta Corp., 101 Williams Drive, 
Ramsey, New Jersey 07446. 


In Canada: Minolta Camera 


= SoS == E Se 
V | Uds = a Crad) Inc, Оше. 
Ы Ыш Ww | = Ы / 5рсойсаопв subjecto change 


WE WANT YOU TO HAVE THE RIGHT CAMERA. 


the wh: 


“1 first met Dick when we were both in a 
whacky off-Broadway play ina theatre so small, 
the cast out-numbered the audience. 

One night during the play's very, very, very 
brief run, Dick insisted that I (a gin man) order 
a drink Га never tried before—a white rum 
martini. ‘This will strike you as heretical’ he 
said, ‘but you may like it better than your 
beloved рїп. 

I've stayed with the white rum martini ever 
since. It has a smoother, cleaner taste than the 
gin variety. I have also discovered that white 
rum mixes beautifully with tonic, soda and 
orange juice. 

Today, I'm a journalist, Dick's doing his new 


PUERTO RICAN RUmS 


“Dick Cavett introduced me to 


ite rum martini? 


TV show and, happily, we're still pals. We've 
noticed thata lot of people are now asking for 
white rum instead of gin or vodka. Well isn't that 
how it always goes? When a good thing comes 
to off-Broadway, it usually finds its way uptown” 


Convert yourself. 
Instead of automatically ordering 
agin or vodka martini, try some- 
thing smoother а white rum 
martini. It’s smoother for a very 
good reason. Unlike gin and 
vodka, white rum from Puerto 
Rico is aged for at least a year 
before it's bottled. And when it 
comes to smoothness, aging is 
the name of thegame. 


For free “Light Rums of Puerto Fico" recipes; мите: Puerto Rican Rums, 
Dept. P-3. 1290 Avenue of the Americas, N.Y., N.Y. 10019. © 1977 Commonwealth ot Puerto Fico 


PLAYBOY AFTER HOURS 


ve you heard the one about... ? 
Jimmy Carter got in plenty of hot 
vater domestically when he admitted, in 
November 1976 Playboy Intervicw, 
ing "looked on a lot of women with 
lust." Now, thanks to an inept translation 
from English to Polish, the Presidential 
sex drives have sct off 
tional incident. What Carter thought he 
was telling the citizens of. Warsaw on a 
visit there was "I have come . . . to learn 
your opinions and understand your de- 
sires for the future.” What his listeners 
heard in their native tongue was “I de- 
sire the Poles carnally.” Has Carter now 
become a Polish joke? 
° 
Don't be surprised if on your next visit 
to the Kremlin you spot a Russian doing 
a fast “hang ten." In an attempt to solve 
Moscow's transportation problems, the 
Soviets have ordered. $25,000 worth of 
skate boards from California manufac 
turer Paul Gobber. Easy storage and low- 
cost maintenance make the skate boards 
ideal for short spins around town. The 
Soviets, of course, have specified red 
boards, 


minor interna- 


. 

Shouldn't be all that hard: The Tul 
Oklahoma, Southside Times headlined 
an article about a bridge toui 
with this provocative question: “How po 
YOU FIND A STIFF QUEEN" 


ament 


. 

Most Un-Class-Act Department: More 
than 50 people in Kuala Lumpur, Ma 
laya, were duped out of the 


jewelry 
by two men who promised they would 
plant the gems and grow jewelry trees 
Police said a number of the victims were 
English schoolteachers. Maybe Tiffany's 
will open a branch. . . . 

e. 


А good-natured Los 
court commissioner m 
the community with an entirely new con- 
cept of the term drag racing when he fined 
a teenager charged with the violaticn, 


Angeles traffic- 
have provided 


adding, if we can believe the U.P.I. re- 
port, “Maybe this will teach you not to 
pop your es in front of the local 
gendarmes." 


wee 
. 
Music does have charms to 
inyway—the savage beast, Shep- 
herds in Soviet Byclorussia had been 
trying for months to catch а sheep-eating 
wolf. One night, while playing some tape- 
recorded music, they heard the wolf be- 
gin to howl. Keeping the music playing, 
they followed the howls and captured the 
woil, which was subsequently delivered to 
the Leningrad Zoo accompanied by a 
note advising, “He likes tango melodies. 
E 

The medium is the massage: A Jack- 
sonville, Florida, radio announcer piqued 
the interest of listeners when he dedared, 
Withdrawal is still a sticky issue," add- 
ing, "Details after this message." Those 
who stayed tuned were disappointed to 
find the announcer referring t0 
troops withdrawing [rom Korea. 

. 


soothe— 


was 


This supermarket ad appeared in the 
Racinc, Wisconsin, Journal-Times: 
er parts. Gorgeous Legs and Thighs, 49 
cents Lb, Well Developed Breasts, 89 
cents Lb. 


Some guys'll do anything for a buck. 
An insurance salesman in Halifax, Nova 
Scotia, was sitting in his 17th-floor office 
when he noticed three men 


on a scaf 
fold outside his window replacing weath- 
сг stripping. Not onc to mis an 
opportunity for a sale, the shrewd sale 
man made 


sign inquiring, wotrp vou 
WE INTERESTED IN SOME LIFE, ACCIDENT OR 
DISABILITY and held it up 
to them. They replied they'd talk if 
he'd come outside. He did; one of them 
bought a policy and the two others are 
seriously considering it. 
б 
While stopped for a red light, а Den- 
ver reader reports getting a charge out of 
an advertisement on an clectrician's van 
that had pulled up alongside: LET Us 
REMOVE YOUR SHORTS- 
А 


INSURANCE? 


When the Reverend Stuart Pearson of 
Knottingley, England, offered to give 
“free lessons in love,” the response he 
received from ladies was, uh, overwhelm 
ing. Неа just meant to organize group 
discussions on the subject of love, the 
embarrassed pastor tried to explain to 
reporters. 


. 

Some of the Swedish. parents who as 
sumed they were buying their children 
tapes of Walt Disneys version of The 
Jungle Book fox Christmas last усаг were 
warned by the manufacturer, Polydor 
Records, п to the cassette before 
iving it to their children. Seems there 
5 a mix-up at the factory and some of 
the cassettes labeled The Jungle Book 
were actually porno recordings of Bordel- 
lo Mama's Songs. Funny thing is. there've 
been only a few comp 


to list 


E 


ints so far... 
Й 

Now they're really taking Ше fun out 
of prison. Frisbees were banned at the 
Iowa State Penitentiary by a recent ordi 
nance, because prison officials fear they 
might be used to sail contraband drugs 
over the walls. What's more, the officials 


21 


PLAYBOY 


have also banned shoes with heels over an 
inch and a quarter, because the guys pack 
their stash in their platforms. 

. 

Huck Finn should have had it so good. 
A 16-year-old boy, after escaping from an 
orphanage in Hamburg, dressed up as a 
girl and wandered into the city's red-light 
district. Suspecting "her" of being a pros- 
titute, police nabbed the youth and 
placed him in a temporary reformatory 
for hookers. After four days, the lad 
confessed to his true gender. “When the 
women found out 1 male,” the ex- 
hausted lad told police as they carried 
him out, "they all wanted me." 

. 

A reader reports s ng- 
ctory in Bloomington, Indiana: 
OUR COAL—ZERO DEFECTS Punch line: 
The sign was hanging upside down. 

б 
о lady 


boarded а San 
d walked boldly 
hout stopping to pay 
called after her. 
lady, you didn't pay your fare, 
which she hollered back, "You men are 


When an 
Francisco st 
the 


to 


the astonished driver let 
utter slide, while the senior citizen 
to her seat and, winking at a fellow 
passenger, remarked, “Works every tim 
. 

г is fair: Disgruntled British citizens, 
who pay up to £21 (approximately $40) 
a year to watch their own IV sets, were 
ssured by the Television License Ri 
minder form letter. that istered һ 
persons pay £1.25 less. 

б 

In an article about the rigors of a 
fireman's life, Ontario's Wingham Ad- 
vance-Times gave this somewhat frenzied 
account of what happens in the firehouse: 
“When the fire alarm sounds in the 
middle of the night, some strange sights 
answer. . . . Yes, they are the firemen 
some with no socks or shirts, some with 
pants half on and of course half off, but 
they are ready to go, Try as you might, 
cocks are tough to find, pants get on 
backward ... and at the same time try 
to find a light! Wow! 

. 

Forensic foreplay: Title of an article 
in a recent issue of Conservative Digest: 
“Soft Judges Encourage Prostitutes, 

. 

Beer bust: Orlando, Florida's Edge- 
water & Par Lounge advertised its version 
of a happy hour: 


а 


EDGEWATER & PAR 
ROCK & ROLL 
TOP HEAVY 
LADIES DRINKS FREE 


Sounded like fun, but then we found out 
that Top Heavy wasn't referring to bos- 
omy females but is the name of a loc: 
group that was playing at the lounge. 


FAMILIAR MISQUOTATIONS 


€ all re- 
Vince Lombar- 
di's immor- 
tal words: 
“Winning isn't 
everything, ii 
the only thing. 
Except that they 
eren’t his. 
Tha comment 
wasactually 
made by Henry 
“Red” Sanders 
while UCLA 
football coach 
in the carly Fif- 
ties. Lombardi 
later expressed 
some similar 
sentiments, but, 
realizing the 
value of a good 
legend, never 
bothered to cor- 
rect the record. 
So he got the 
line as part of a 
great tradition 
in which public 
figures are awarded words better than 
any they ever came up with as a bonus 
Jor their renown. To wit: 


“Let them eat cake” (Marie Antoi- 
nette). This suggestion for peasants 
who lacked bread is supposed to have 
been made by France's queen in 1770, 
four years alter Rousseau attributed 
the same words to another princess 
in his Confessions. 

. 

“Give me liberty or give me death” 
(Patrick Henry). This phrase was 
“recalled” 40 years later by old men 
who had heard a speech given by 
Henry. Historians are dubious 

. 

“The Battle of Waterloo was won 
on the playing fields of Eton" (the 
first Duke of Wellington). The sev- 
enth Duke of Wellington once offered 
n of these words 
never uuered by his ancestor. The 
winning entry: Wellington once com- 
mented during a visit to his 
mater, "lt is here that the Battle of 
Waterloo was won.’ 

. 
"Build а better mousetrap and the 
‘orld will beat a path to your door” 
(Ralph Waldo Emerson). Emerson did 
say that а “hard-beaten road" would 
be found leading to the house of a 
man with "good corn, or wood, or 
boards, or pigs . .." but neglected to 
mention mousetraps. 


“War is һе" 
(General Wil 
liam T. Sher- 
man). What he 
ly said was 
“War is cruclty, 
and you cannot 
refine 


"Everybody 
talks about the 
weather, bul 
nobody does 
anything about 


iUt (Mark 
WAS IT. Twain). This 
SOMETHING) thought first 


appeared in 
an unsigned 
Hartford Gou- 
rant editorial 
of 1897. се 
the Courant 
was edited by 
a friend of 
Twain's, these 
words were at- 
tributed to 
Twain, who de- 
niedauthorship. 


afayelie, we ате here” (General 
J. Pershing). The words we want 
to have said he arrived 
in France in 1917 belonged, by Per- 
shing's testimony, to his chief disbur: 
g officer, Colonel Charles E. Stanton. 
. 
“You dirty rat" (James Cagney). 
Cagney recently denied ever saying 
any such thing in any of his 71 movies. 
. 

"I want to be alone” (Greta Garbo). 
What Garbo actually said was, “1 want 
to be let alone.” There's a difference. 

. 

"On the whole, Га rather be in 
Philadelphia" (W. C. Fields). Ficlds's 
supposed epitaph is not to be found 
on the vault housing his ashes. Ac- 
cording to Tom Burnam’s Dictionary 
of Misinformation, the line began as 
Vanity Fair sight gag in the Twenties. 

“Play it again, Sam” (Humphrey 
Bogart). As any real Bogartian knows, 
the actual line in Casablanca is, “Play 
it, Sam," and it’s said by Ilsa, not Rick. 


“Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't 
walk and chew gum at the same time" 
(Lyndon B. Johnson). Johnson's real 
words were, "Jerry Ford is so dumb 
he cant fart and chew gum at the 
same time. — RALPH KEYES 


More Designer Shoes Without 
The Designer's Prices. 


: 


(#4in a series) д 


A тап buys designer clothes for a very 
good reason. He wants to be noticed, both for 
his good taste and his sense of style. And 
because his shoes are so important to the 
total look, Florsheim has created the perfect 
complement for Spring. The Florsheim 
Designer Collection, replete with superb 
design, supple leathers and a wealth of 
hand-detailing. And because were 
Florsheim, we make our shoes in a wide range 
of sizes, to assure a perfect fit. But whats 
most beautiful about our shoes are their 
realistic prices. Д 
Because withour | 
Designer Collection,  \ 
the designer | 
doesnt collect. / уь 


= Nes < — = 
Florsheim Designer Collection’ 


For Free Style Brochure, Write Dept. 200, Florsheim Shoe Company, 130 So.Canal St., Chicago, Ш. 60606 


24 


BOOKS 


ау Cronley is a columnist for The Tul- 
J sa Tribune and a frequent contribu- 
tor to PLAYbov. He won second place in 
the Best Humor category of PLAYBOY s an- 
nual awards for writing last year, which 
should tip you right off about one thing: 
He's funny. So is his first novel. Fall Guy 
(Doubleday), the story of how an 18-year- 
ting high school senior football 
gets "drafted" by the college talent 
hounds. The competition among colleges 


that want him on their teams is so vi- 
cious—with bribery, wire tapping and 
looks 


sexual seductions—that the proce 
like the 1972 Presidential electio 
written by someone who should be in a 
strait jacket. And in the end, even when 
you realize that Fall Guy is funnier than 
Tough, you still can't help wonder 
ing if maybe there isn't a kernel of 
truth in it, 


. 

Tom Stoppard's play Rosencrantz and 
Guildenstern Are Dead was а wist on 
Hamlet; Jelirey Cainc's Hearhdiff (Knop!) 
isa literary appendage to Emily Bronté's 
Wuthering Heights. Caine answers the 
big question raised but never answered 
by Bronté: What happens to Heathcliff 
between the time he disappears. upon 
hearing that Catherine Earnshaw is about 


to marry Edgar Linton, and his return 
some years late 


Heathcliff's 
structed by Caine, m 
ale: He becomes а highwa 


missing years as 
e for a relentlessly 


ушап, 


тесоп- 


Heathcliff: marvelous. 


Run, don't walk, to 
your nearest bookstore 
and buy Heathcliff. 


ant, who be- 
па eventually 
Us wile, 


is picked up by a Mr. Du 
friends and employs him, а 
becomes chummy with Durra 


Elizabeth, She provides the crude fellow 
with the rudiments of education, and in 
a 
round of misadventures—many violent— 
ensues. Bitterness has ruled Heathelill’s 
life since childhood and he achieves minor 
satisfaction when he runs off with El 
beth, ruins Durrant and is able to. pass 
himself off as а gentleman. But he has 
never forgotten Cathy, his first love, and 
finally returns to Thrusheross Grange to 
be with her. Caine's novel stops here— 
you'll have to consult Bronté to find out 
what happens back home on the Grange. 
Heathcliff is а marvel of clever mimic- 
ry: The author has re-created the nu- 
ance, tone, attitude, language of the 19th 
Century flawlessly. This is one of those 
cases in which the imitation is every bit 
as good as the model. 
б 
I's difficult to say what interest the 
general public will have in Tom Wicker's 
new book, On Press (Viking), but it 
wouldn't be a bad idea for university 
journalism departments to adopt it as 
required reading. For it is something of a 
step-by-step guide to the mine field into 
which one walks when he decides to be- 
come a serious reporter. For one thing, 
Wicker shows how ineffable wuth really is, 
how le to get “the facts” 
because they a Пу exclusive. At 
one point, he rejoices: “My real achieve 
ment was to rise above the facts and 
open my mind to the possibilities.” For 


true 19th Century picaresque fashio 


The Two Paths 


ЖА, Весоте? 
anf hme 


Ar 
FURTING © COQUETTERY. 


AT 26 
Pasture. 2 DISSIPATON 


AT 40, 
| an Guteast 


M "sat Wil the Gd [4 


таз 
Tub: Оф DERE. 


Ао 
verve (Отон 


AT 26. 
A LOVING OTHER, 


moa 
AN HONORED CEN PODER. 


This Was Sex (Citadel), һу 
sandy Teller, is an illustrated 
wip into 19th and early 20th 
Century nostalgia, chock-full of 
photographs and line drawings 
that will make you laugh. Bast 
cally, it’s a compendium of ad- 
vice from our forebears on how 
they went about the business of 
seduction, intercourse, love and 
marriage, all told with a great 
deal of charm and humor. 


PARENTAL Love Very Lance, 
AMATIVEMEAS DEFICIENT. 
16 


No. 209. — Тнк DEVOTED MOTHER, 
BUT INDIFFERENT WIFE, 


сомгаазоз OF MALE AMD FEMALE 


Fig. 101 


| There may still be places 
where Grand Marnier isnt offered after dinner. 


For free recipe booklet, write Carillon Importers, Ltd., 745 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10022. Product of France. Made with fine cognac brandy. 80 proof. 


% 


THIS COULD ВЕ 
YOUR BOOKSHELF) 


Beautiful Heirloom Editions of the Great Classic Books That Belong in Every Home 


А. a member of The Heritage 
Club, you can be truly proud of your 
library. You will own beautiful books 
like those pictured here. At the rate 
of one book per month, you grad- 
ually accumulate a library that will. 
be a source of deep pride, and the 
envy of everyone who sees it. 


Great Classics 


These are books that are as important 
as they are beautiful. They represent 
nothing less than the greatest books of 
all time—such books as The Canterbury 
Tales, Robinson Crusoe, Moby Dick, 
Wuthering Heights, The Brothers Kara- 
mazov, Pride and Prejudice, Of Mice and 
Men, Jude the Obscure, The Iliad and 
The Odyssey, The Adventures of Tom 
Sawyer, and Brave New World, 


They include the works of Thomas 
Mann, Dickens, Whitman, Joyce, 
Maugham, Tolstoy, O'Neill, Long- 
fellow, Henry James, Plato, Burns, 
Camus, and many others—poetry, 
fiction, biography, drama, history, 
humor, and philosophy. 


Editions of 
Unsurpassed Quality 


The volumes are sturdier and hand- 
somer in every way than the average 
book, and are set in types chosen 
for easy readability. The bindings 
come in a variety of colors and mate- 
rials, and often bear a bold imprint 
or design on the front; the spines are 
fashioned so that they enhance the 
books’ appearance on your shelves. 


Like the bindings, the slipcases are 
varicolored, and put each book in a 
distinctive setting. 


Beautifully Illustrated 

The Heritage library is noted for its 
superb illustrations, occasionally in 
black-and-white but many in full 
color. For this purpose, it has been 
our practice to commission the 
world’s leading artists, artists such 
as Picasso, Norman Rockwell, 
Reginald Marsh, Rockwell Kent, 
Thomas Hart Benton, Grant Wood, 
and John Steuart Curry. As a result, 
Heritage books are richly and indi- 
vidually illustrated in full harmony 
with the author's work. 


Uniquely Different Volumes 


No two Heritage books are alike in 
appearance or format. Every detail 
is custom-created to reflect the mood 
and meaning of each literary master- 
piece. Thus, when you display Heri- 
tage books on your shelves, they will 
never give the uniform impression 
of ready-made sets. Each is an indi- 
vidual work of art. Yet together they 
form a beautiful and harmonious 
collection of the greatest literature 


of the world. 
An Heirloom Collection 


Heritage books represent the finest 
literary works in volumes of lasting 
beauty. By investing in ет you will 
not only enrich your own library but 
will also create a valuable heirloom. 
What finer gift could you give to 
your children and grandchildren 


than a beautiful collection of the 
greatest books of all time? 


Reasonably Priced 

The cost of owning an heirloom li- 
brary like this is surprisingly low. 
For all their beauty, Heritage books 
cost little more—and sometimes even 
less-than the passing best-sellers 
that will soon be forgotten. More- 
over, Heritage Club members are 
entitled to purchase books at a con- 
stant price for each volume—a price 
which we will maintain throughout 
at least your first two years of mem- 
bership despite today’s inflationary 
pressures. 


Free Book for Examination 
If you act now, The Heritage Club 
will send you free of charge a superb 
edition from the Heritage library for 
your examination. This is the best 
way we know to demonstrate the 
beauty of the books being received 
by the Club members. For only by 
actually holding a Heritage edition 
in your hands can you fully appreci- 
ate the kind of elegant and unusual 
volume we create for our members. 


Assuming you share our enthusiasm 
for this free Heritage volume, you 
may then receive other Heritage 
books at the rate of one per month 
for just $9.85 each. If for any reason 
you are not satisfied with your free 
Heritage volume, simply return it 
and tell us not to make any further 
shipments. Your membership will 
be automatically cancelled, and you 
will owe us nothing. 


4 
z 
m 
4 
а 
Б 
2 
о 
9 
ы 
E: 
Ы 
ГА 
Iz 
» 
t 
E 


As a member, moreover, you may 
return any book within thirty days 
for a full refund, and you are at 
liberty to cancel your membership 
at any time. 


hes] 


|| 


_ ШШ 
mjor jih] 


ши н | 


түт юзу aa 40 кынан 
ишш 


EN 


ETT" aug ЕЯ 


muog Дш. sufren Supra, 


чоүяпоо 30395dvg ATY IHL 


ihi 


Weta 


nf potag gum anog 
vi 404249 gum uo 
IMNE dw юс L, 
YETT? 
ШЕ 


КНЕ 


pen 
кы! 


However, you must act now if you 


A Note of Urgency are to take advantage of our free 
To accept this offer, you need only book offer and begin acquiring your 
complete the Trial Membership Ap- own fine library of distinctively 
plication below and return it to us. beautiful books. 


TRIAL MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION 


Tne HERITAGE CLUB No payment required. 


47 RICHARDS AVENUE i mail this application. 
NORWALK. CONN. 06457 ER, EP, 


YES! I want to join The Heritage Club and begin building my own personal library 
of beautiful heirloom editions of the greatest books of all time. Send me my FREE 
first volume in the Heritage library. Assuming this free book is satisfactory, 1 will 
then send $9.85 (plus a small shipping and handling charge) to pay for the next volume. 
I will continue to receive one volume per month in this manner for as long as I continue 
my membership in The Heritage Club. 1 may cancel my membership at any time. 
Moreover, | may return any book within 30 days for a full credit or refund. 


Me 
Mss. 


Miss. 
PLEASE PRINT CLEARLY 

 Abontss 

Cur — Stare Zw. 


PLAYBOY 


28 


ORIGINAL SIMONIZ. 


. SIMPLE SIMONIZ. 


There are shines 
and there are Simoniz shines. 


Original Simoniz gave you a great shine, 
But it took hours of hard work. 


With today’s Simoniz Pre-Soft, 
it takes less than an hour of not-so-hard work. 
But you still get a great Simoniz shine. 


Simoniz Pre-Soft. 
It’s real Simoniz. Made simple. 


SIMONIZ: ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES. 


SIMONIZ IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF UNION CARBIDE CORPORATION [5] 


someone who has been drilled in the 
litanies of fact finding, this is a valu- 
able lesson. Wicker, one of the most 
respected. journalists in the business, has 
been learning the pitfalls of that. profes: 
sion since 1949 and has written a work 


EXP B 
quus (d г “ 
Wicker's On Press: textbook. 


of seminal importance to journalists and 
aspiring reporters. It may also be that he 
has written а good handbook for thc 
average citizen who would like to know 
just what sort of crap he is being fed in 
the major newspapers every day. 

• 


In the wild West, or so we have been 
led to believe, when the townfolk were 
being harassed by the local meanies and 
the sheriff was too busy shaking in his 
boots and drinking redeye to help, the 
city fathers would send for an out-of-town 
gunslinger to clean up the town. Very 
often, when the smoke cleared, the citi 
zens found they had a new problem: The 
gunslinger now ran the town. George 
O'Toole thinks things haven't changed 
much. In The Private Sector: Rent-A-Cops, Pi 
vate Spies, and the Police-Industrial Complex 
(Norton), O'Toole adds up all the hired 
guns in this country and comes up with 
what he describes as “appalling” statis 
tics. Appalling statistic. number опе 
There are about 1,000,000 police oflicers 
in America, and roughly half of them are 
private cops. Appalling statistic number 
two: Private security is a five-bi 
dollar business that's growing at 
nual rate of 10 to 15 percent 
worse, O'Toole asserts, is that these le 
gions of Paladins and Sam Spades operate 
virtually unchecked by public authority, 
peeking into our bedrooms, tapping our 
company phones and building dossiers 
from our check-cashing applications. By 
1990, O'Toole's sources tel] him. priv пе 


sector security personnel will outnumber 
public police by two to one 

Oddly, though. when O'Toole begins 
breaking down this Frankenstein's monst 
we find it composed of such familiar f 
as plant gu 
cases, Growd-control ushers and. corporate 


ids, private dicks on divorce 


gumshocs protecting the secret recipes of 
dient cookie companies. Only occasion 
ally do we get a hint of real abuses 
stemming fom the rentacop industry 
The Private Sector is well-researched, in 
teresting and readable, but as an exposé 
it lacks tecth. If we are in peril at all, irs 
from people who build conspiracies out 


The 
Classically 
ritish 


TRIUMPH 
SPITFIRE 


Th : 
Strong Survivor 


Triumph Spitfire. A strong survivor of 
that all but vanished breed, the roadster. 

Triumph built its first roadster in 
1923 to tame the narrow, twisty roads of 
England with its agile handling and brisk 
performance. 

Top down and nipping along country 
lanes, the roadster perfectly expressed the 
freedom and romance of driving. 

Today. Spitfire holds steadfast to the 
original roadster concept. It offers the 


a meri rani ыу ыссылык 
maximum of two people. 

There s generous interior room, 
reclining bucket seats. and. as a memento 
of Spitfire’s heritage. a dashboard crafted 
from natural wood. 

Spitfire smooths bumpy roads and 
straightens curves with fully independent 
suspension. Controls corners with rack- 
and-pinion steering. And stops with race- 
mines entice bakes 

A rugged 1500cc engine and all- 
та аЙ ААЛЫ 
drive option) deliver the kind of 


performance that help make Spitfire а 
Sports Car Club of America champion for 
the tenth year. 
Road & Track has called Spitfire the 
best basic sports car you can buy.* 
The Triumph Spitfire Roadster. А 
classic example of the survival of the fittest. 
For the name of your nearest Triumph 


dealer call: 800-447-4700 


Биг 
In Illinois: 800-322-4400. 

British Leyland Motors Inc., 

Leonia, New Jersey 07065. |сєусаме 


1976 ROAD & TRACK GUIDE TO SPORTS AND GT CARS. 
(WHEEL TRIM RINGS AND STRIPING OPTIONAL } 


CRACK OPEN 
& RUM-LACED 
COCONUT. 


CocoRibe^is Wild Island Coconuts laced with fine 
Virgin Islands rum. Drink it straight, on the rocks 
or with pineapple juice, milk, orange juice or tonic. 

Discover CocoRibe —there's a lot to explore. 


, S8 


of statistics. Next, we expect to hear we're 
being menaced by the sinister proliferation 
ol fast-food franchisers. 

• 

Нуроћ А few years ago, Stephen 
King opened a magazine and saw an 
advertise t for a correspondence course 
in writing. He clipped the coupon, filled 
in his name and mailed it. He didn't 
notice that the coupon was oddly shaped, 

le instead of the regular rec 
He was somewhat surprised to 
he had called forth 

Devil, or whatever 

t is the musc of the 

abre. Helplessly in 


Night Shitt: 
spine-tingling. 


its spell, he turn 

Salem's Lot and 

ind singlehandedly 

the horror. novel from 

rave. Night Shift (Doubleday) is a collec 

Поп of stories from King's apprenti 

ship. feat ats and other cre 

from the subbasement, toys that come to 

life, machines possessed by evil spirits, 

dark things that live in the woods, strange 

shapes under the sheets. The stories are 

light, hit-and-run horror. Keep this book 

by your bedside for those nights when you 
"tstay awake; you'll be up all night 


QUICK READS 

Robert Anderson / Getting Up and Going 
Home (Simon & Schuster): An earnest, seri 
ous novel, by the author of Z Never Sang 
for My Father and Tea and Sympathy 
about a middle-aged man whose wile de 
cides to divorce him. This eng 1 
readable book has one flaw: It never tells 
us why the wile is leavin, 

Graham Greene / The Humen Factor (Simon 
Schuster): Excerpted in the Febru 
rrAvuov, Greenes latest is a major lit 
стату event, a marvelous tale of spies and 
intrigue spun with intricate skill by a 

master storyteller. This one is a must 


At Frye, 
we use our hands 
to give your fee 
style. 


We start at the top. 
If the leather isn't 
the best, we don't use it. * 
'eriod. 
All the staining of the 
leather is done by hand, not by 
machine. 
Are we just being romantic 
about boot making? 


o. 
p e e EE Because if it's hand stained, 
x AD it looks better longer. 
The lining of each boot is cemented by hand, too. 
hy? 

Because you can pull out more wrinkles by hand than by machine. 
And that makes the boot more comfortable on your foot. 

Our boots are stitched so well the leather will tear before the 
stitching will give way. 

By the time we're through putting together a pair of boots, 190 hands 
have inspected and handled them. 

Any one of those hands can reject the boots if they're not 
up to Frye quality. 

Sometimes they do. 

So now when you step out in a pair of Frye boots, you'll step out in style. 
Because good style is good quality. 

When you spend your money on boots, start at the top with Frye. 


FRYE 


CLASSIC QUALITY 
BACK AS FAR AS 1863 


© 


32 


DINING & DRINKING 


orry, Kipling: What you said about 

East is East, etc., just isn't true any- 
more, at least not in the gay community. 
The twain do meet—dramatically—at 
Manhattan's Twilight, 1465 Third Avenue. 
You may see slender Thai youths, dus- 
tered at the bar's Western end, vamping 
a bearded British art dealer; a Japanese 
hairdresser leading an American 
adjuster into a mirror-walled alcov 
some disco cavortüng. Linguisticall 
place is pure Tower of Babel moderne— 
walk from one end to the other and you'll 
overhear conversations held in Korean, 
Tagalog (the national language of the 
Philippines), Thai, Japanese, Indian and 
more Chinese dialects than you knew ex- 
ted. The decor remains nationalistically 
neutral. We are, after all, not in Bang- 
kok—not in Somerset Maugham territory 
at all—but on Manhattan’s Upper East 
Side, in a relatively conservative night 
spot whose owners would no more dream 
of installing rice-paper screens or rattan 
chairs than its conventionally dad cus- 
tomers would consider wearing kimonos 
or pigtails. You'll find no revival of The 
Mikado at the Twilight. What you will 
nd is something unique in New York's 
ongoing explosion of specialized sex 
scenes: a gay bar for Orientals- 
casians who dig Orientals. 

On weekdays, the Twilight is simply 
another neighborhood gay bar, its cus- 
tomers a typical assortment of happy- 
hour schlubs; and on week nights it 
sometimes remains that way. But on week- 
ends, as the evening moves along. the 
premises undergo a chameleon change. A 
nese goes behind the 
n co-owner, and 
Chinese lover station. themselves at 
the door and Jimmy, a Vietnamese waiter, 
takes over the floor. And the Asians start 


“This place has given me a whole new 
lease on life,” enthuses one blithe spirit, 
h banker who's just 
almond-eyed dancer from 
The King and I. “You know the worst 
thing about promiscuity? It’s that every- 
body starts having the same name. But 
coming here is like being handed a whole 
new telephone directory. І mean, where 
ele will you find so many unfamil- 
iar mames—like Toyo, Kenzo, Kosiku, 
Quock, So-Chin, Dat, Jaya or Om 
iucasians with an affinity for Orien- 
tals are known, in gay vernacular, as 
ice queens; their predilection is some- 
times referred to as yellow fever. One of 
the bars regulars, a college English pro- 
fesor, explains: "I never did like hairy 
bodies—even a little chest hair would 
lessen my interes. At the bathhouses, 1 
discovered Orientals, with their smooth 
silky flesh. I've been hooked ever since.’ 
An electrical engineer confesses: "My 


A visit to the Twilight, 
anew wrinkle in 
gay bars where East 
and West check 
each other out. 


company kept me in Japan for ten years 
and I went native. 1 spoke Japanese, 
hung out in the Tokyo gay bars—which 
re no bigger than broom closets—and 
had Japanese lovers. When the company 
moved me back to America, 1 was up- 
rooted. Only by coming here do 1 feel 
socially comfortable, at home. 

Another regular, a multilingual 
functionary, comes through the door. 
Modestly bearded, respectably long- 
‚ he has settled down Пош his 
years—what he calls his "pre- 
ight era," when he would go around 
town wearing T-shirts custom-lettered in 
and flaunting 
RE THAI—AND 


UN 


as IF 


MALE—RKISS ME! “I felt like a combination 
sex fiend and invisible тап,” 
nisces. 


he remi- 
"Depending on what language I 
ng. I'd be picked up by Thais 

Japanese. The police nev- 
er bothered me—how many cops can 
read Thai? Did J have any wouble? Only 
onc—in a subway station near China- 
town. 1 was wearing my Chinese shirt. 
Suddenly, these five kids—all of them 
deore Chinatown juvenile delin- 
quents—noticed me. They came over. 


were said and I 
unwanted 


Unpleasant things 
thought I was in for some 
kungfu lessons. But, good language ma- 
jor that I was, I didn't forget the power 
of communication: I started talking in 
blew their minds, the 
sight of a New York freak talking their 
language. Our parting. as they say, was 
amicable 

Why a preference for men of different 
pigmentation, different language, differ- 
ent cultural assumptions (men, indeed, 
who may never have watched a single epi- 


sode of 2 In his highly contro- 
versial but endlessly seminal book The 
Homosexual Matrix, C. A. Tripp sug- 


gests that the attraction may lie in pre- 
cisely those differences. If the sexual 


drive—in part—is reaching out for some- 
thing different, then heterosexuality has 
a builtin advantage, given the anate 
cal variance between man and woman 
Gays, on the other hand, must seek—or 
create—other differences. Hence sado- 
masochism. Or Caucasian—black. Or Occi- 
dental-Oriental. “I love the Twilight,” 
says one delighted sybarite. “It’s so totally 
and frankly racial!” 

The Twilight may have an additional 
appeal to its Oriental customers. Ço- 
owner Van (his two partners are Chinese) 
claims that other bars can be hostile to 
Orientals, many of whom aren't big 
drinkers. “Here we cater specifically 10 
them,” he declares. “If they want to order 
something nonalcoholic, that’s cool. Or 
if they buy only one drink, they won't 
be hassled. ls their place. Straights may 
be welcome here, but giggling tourists are 
not. If an Oriental and a Caucasian get in 
a fight and irs hard to figure who's at 
fault, the Caucasian would probably be 
told to leave.” 

The majority of the Twilight's Orien- 
tals have little or по sexual interest in 
other Orientals—they are rice queens in 
reverse and delight ling themselves 
о queens. Many are still fairly shy in 

sian, admits a Chi- 
nese auditor with a face like Genevieve 
Bujold's: "Don't forget, for some of us, 
the Twilight is our first meaningful so- 
contact with native Americans. Some 
of these guys may still be working as 
waiters in Chinatown g weekly 
salaries of $45. Or maybe they're pulling 
$75 a week in a sweatshop. The Twilight 
may bring them uptown, but they've still 
got a foot in the ghetto.” 
His friend, a Chinese welfare worker, 
recs: “So many of the Orientals—not 
just the Chincse—are going through tran- 
sition. To them, the American as sex ob- 
ject embodies а fantasy—a. new identity, 
a new lifestyle, a step in the cultural 
crossover they hope to make. Possess an 
American sexually and you possess the 
American dream. JACK HIEMENZ 


World's First 
Solar-Powered Watch 


Guarantees To Outperform Any 
Watch Sold Today...Or Costs You Nothing! 


The SUNWATCH... Acclaimed As The Most Accurate, Most Versatile, Most Rugged Watch 
Ever Made. 


"These Exclusive Features Make АП Other 
Watches Obsolete... 
e Clearly Visible by Day or Night 
* Unique Side-Window View, Simplifies 
Reading 
• 100% SUN-POWERED, No Batteries 
That Need Replacing 
* No Need Ever To Reset the Built-In 
Calendar — Not Even in 31-Day Months 
and Leap Years! 
Solar Age Efficiency — Space Age Styling. 
The SUNWATCH puts an end to all the difficulties 
other watches create, You'll never worry about 
accuracy again. With this precision timepiece you'll 
always be secure, knowing that for the rest of your 
life you'll be on time... almost to the second! Also, 
there will be no more pushing buttons to tell the 
time, and no straining your eyes to read the numbers 
in bright sun or dark rooms. 
Alter more than 10 years of very extensive and 
costly research. Roger Riehl, noted expert in solar 
energy. integrated circuitry, and computer chip 
technology, has developed the beautitul High- 
Performance SUNWATCH, which is now the most 
advanced watch available for sale to the public 
The Fascinating Technological Story... 
Because of an Exclusive and Important C; ration 
Breakthrough, the SUNWATCH is the FIRST 
WATCH IN HISTORY THAT IS ACCURATE ТО 
1 SECOND PER MONTH! (That's 5 Times Better 
Than The Latest Quartz Accutron) 
Tiny Silicon Power Cells are the incredible Power 
Source: they're constantly being energized from 
natural Sunlight, Daylight, or an Ordinary Light 
Bulb while you're wearing your watch 
Also, a Specialized Micro Circuit Computer has. 
been electronically programmed to display the 
correct month and day with NO resetting for the 
next 123 years! 
* Natural Side-View Window lets you tell the time, 
day, and date without twisting your arm into an 
obvious, awkward position 
* Four Varying Light Intensities built into the viewing, 
window, which automatically adjusts to the avail 
able light. Numbers are CLEARLY VISIBLE in 
Bright Sun or Pitch Black 
* Exclusive “C/MOS Brain" Computer-On-A-Chip 
displays the correct month and date, PLUS i 
automatically adjusts the watch calendar lor long 
and short months AND Leap Year until ZIOOA.D ! 
* Continuous Seconds Display — Useful for Pulse 
taking, Stopwatch timing. etc 
* Miniature Solar Cells are automatically charged 
by sunlight, daylight, even ordinary light bulbs 
they last virtually forever. You never need to replace 
batteries. This advanced Power Storage System is 
of the same type installed in Communication 
Satellites. 
* Magnetically Operated Slide Bars activate SUN- 
WATCH's many functions, including hours, min- 
utes, seconds, day. date. month. speed control, 
seconds countott, leap year 


= Permanently Sealed Lexan Module, protected by 
US. and Foreign Patents until 1992. encapsulates 
all energy cells, solar panels, quartz crystal, Com- 
puter-On. A-Chip. Readouts. etc. This makes SUN- 
WATCH the MOST INDESTRUCTIBLE WATCH 
EVER! 

= Completely Waterproof (You Can Sately Suspend 
It In Boiling Water for 30 Minutes!) 


Д 
$ Shock Resistant to 5000 G's (Crash It Into a Rug- 
Surtaced Brick Wall at 90 mph without noticeable 
effect!) 


* Temperature and Pressure Resistant (Freeze SUN- 
WATCH in a block of ice for a year or Wear in 
Water 750 FEET DEEP without damage.) 

As you have read, SUNWATCH is truly the most 
revolutionary, the most remarkable watch ever 
made. Virtually а Perpetual Time Machine, Years 
ahead of the usual replaceable batteries, jewels, 
and tuning forks. You must see it for yourself and 
you can do so at no risk whatsoever: 

WE ARE MOST IMPRESSED WITH THIS IN- 
CREDIBLE SOLAR TIMEPIECE. AND WE'VE 
SEEN HOW FOSITIVE OUR CUSTOMERS HAVE 
REACTED TO OWNING AND WEARING IT. 
therefore we are making this offer available to the 
readers of this publication. TRY THE SUNWATCH 
AT OUR RISK. Then, if you decide to keep it, 
Save 369.05! 

SUNWATCH sells in selected stores for $199.00 
But you can wear it at our risk for 15 days, then, if 
you're not completely satisfied, return it for full 
money back. No questions will be asked, and your 
refund will be sent out to you immediately! 


The Exciting SUNWATCH offers Split-Second 
Accuracy based on Solar Energy and Advanced 
Design Features, all packaged in a striking, con 
temporary styled Timepiece that is Virtually Inde- 
structible even under the most severe conditions. 
The Perfect Watch of a lifetime for Business People, 
Professionals. Teachers. Athletes, etc 


FREE CUSTOM ENGRAVING: 


At your request. each watch will be hand-engraved. 
with vour name (or any name you specily! to label 
and personalize it yours tor a lifetime. | 


Limited Warranty is YOUR Protection 


The Sun Watch is covered by a 2 year limited warranty 
issued by Riehl Time Corporation (Manufacturer of 
the Synchronar 2100), and included with your watch, 
А copy of the warranty may also be obtained free of 
charge by writing to Starshine Group, 924 Anacapa 
St- Santa Barbara, Calif. 93101. This warranty gives 
you specific legal rights, and you may also have other 
Fights which vary from state to state 


NEVER NEEDS BATTERIES 


min 


Tiny silicgn solar cells gather and store energy from 
sunlight, daylight, even an ordinary lightbulb. What a 
relief never to replace batteries! 


NO RESETTING — EVER 


A 
SAN 


Micro circuit computer is programmed to display the 
correct month and day with no resetting until 2100 
AD 

CREDIT CARD ORDERS CALL TOLL FREE 1- 
800-528-6050. Ariz, Residents Call Collect 602- 
955-9710. 


MAIL THIS AMAZING NO RISK COUPON 
TODAY 


Starshine Croup. 


DEPT. S-228, 924 ANACAPA STREET, SANTA 
BARBARA, CA 93101 

D Please rush SUNWATCHIS| in smart, 
slimly-styled stainless steel — the same watch being 
sold in leading retail stores for 3199.00 — for only 
3126.95 each. 1 will wear the watch for 19 days; then if 
not completely satistied, may return it for a full 
refund. 

D Please send me 


SUNWATCH(S), gold plated 
with matching band — now selling in leading retail 
Stores for 3249.00 — only $159.95 each [saving 36905) 
И not completely satisfied, return it lor a full refund 
Please add $3.95 per watch shipping & insurance 
Enclosed is s. Check or Money Order (Calif 
residents add өт. sales tox) 

CHARGE IT: (Check One} 

D American Express O VISA (BankAmericard) 

D Master Charge L Diners Club Г1Сапе Blanche 


Credit Card я Bark # 
Issue Date. Exp. Date 
Signature 


Name to be engraved — 
N 


Address. —— 


ws 


Cuy/Staterzip. 


ws 


WINNING WITH WOMEN. 


If a woman senses a man's a good 
lover, she'll want to go to bed with 
him whether he's good-looking or not. 
That's why HOW TO MAKE LOVE TO 
A SINGLE WOMAN can be such a 
help. This huge, beautifully designed 
hard cover book — with over 160 tru- Ё 

ly inspiring photos — will show you 

dozens of exciting new ways to turn 

оп a single girl. You'll learn how you 

can get her to fantasize about you 

sexually... how you can make her 

horny with just words ... why it's 50. 

important to let most women heat up 

‘slowly ... how you can touch a worm e 

an so beautifully you may actually 

bring her to tears ... how you can 

arouse a woman simply by looking 

in her eyes ...and MUCH, MUCH 

MORE. 

This magnificent, large-format book costs only $12.95 plus $1.00 
postage and handling — a very modest price indeed when you con- 
sider that from now on you just may be the kind of man most wom- 
en can't wait to go to bed with. (See coupon below) 


How To MakeLove 
Een hai el 


ing lines 


locking ... 
single's bars 


up girls ... 


HOW TO FIND 
SOMEONE TO LOVE 


Starting today, you can meet and date dozens of attractive, ЕЎ 


interesting new people. 


Starting today, you can discover the secret of getting 
people to fall in love with you! 


You know how much fun itis to have some- * 
‘one special in your life. The only problem 
is, where do you find a person like this? Up 
until now most of us have had to put up 
with the degrading atmosphere of single's 
bars. Now there's a far better way to meet 
Someone to love. And you can learn all about 
it in the mind-opening new book GETTING 
TOGETHER. 
GETTING TOGETHER will teach you a whole 
new way of getting people to open up to you 
warmly, spontaneously, lovingly. It can even 
show you how to attract people who at first 
seem disinterested or cold to your advances. 
You'll leam a technique for keeping some- 
one infatuated with you date after date...and 
how almost anyone can project a healthy 
natural sex appeal. You will alsc learn: 


THE MAN WHO BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER! 


laybe you've seen Eric Weber on the ала thoroughly shows 
ЕР Griffin Show or listened to his wis- — you how to meet and 
дот on the Dr. Joyce Brothers Show. Eric — attract new people. You 
ОО E 
ASINGLE WOMAN, HOW TO GET MAR- не, а tesi 
RIED AGAIN, and rnany, many more. 
His books have been read by millions and 
he has an entire file bulging with “thank 
ju" letters from people his books have 
Iped to find the lasting relationships 
they'd been searching for. Eric has ap- 
peared on To Tell The Truth, What's My 
Line, and scores of other TV and radio 
shows around the country. His books 
have been reviewed and discussed at 
length on such pretigious TV shows as 


How you can get invited to more parties 
and what to do once you get there (not the 
same old things that make you angry and 
frustrated with yourself the moment you 
get home). 

An easy-to-learn system for increasing 
your self-confidence when meeting new 
people. 

How to meet scores of fascinating, at- 
tractive people in places you'd least ex- 
pect to meet them. 

A brilliant technique for making someone 
you like feel "special" when they're in your 
company. 

How to get over your shyness and begin 
saying and doing those things you've al- 
ways wanted to. 

And much much more! 


. 


self as dull or un- 
attractive, 

A simple, upfront 
way of letting some- 
‘one know you're at- 
tracted to them with- 
out appearing weak 
or desperate, 


Johnny Carson's Tonight Show, Tom Sny- 
де? Tomorrow Show, and in such well- 
respected publications as The Los Angeles 
Times, Parent's Magazine and Avant Garde, 
and many, пуп тоге. 

Now Eric brin: aus his most helpful 
book of all. GETTING TOGETHER. Never 
has there been a book that more clearly. 


Why you may unconsciously be dressing in a 

if lustreless way, and how to instantly correct 
this with color, Hal-ardiexelerment 
А completely reliable way of instantly telling if 
someone likes you (the author shows us how we 
clten wrongly assume people aren't interested 
in us and thereby miss out on many potentially 
warm, loving relationships.) 


Name _ 
Street 
City — 


( 
FROMTHE TOTAL PRICE) © 1976 Symphony Press, Inc. 


HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS will 
show you more than 100 brilliant 
new ways for picking up girls. 
For example, you will learn: How 
to make shyness work for you .... 
why girls get horny .. 
the world's great- 
est pick-up technique .. 
get women to pick you up ... why 
а man doesn't have to be good 
how to do better in 
.. why department 
stores are great places to pick 
an ingenious way of 
meeting women in your office .. 
how to develop a smile that can 
make women feel warm and loving 

„апа MUCH MORE! 
HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS con- 
tains in-depth interviews with 25 beautiful girls who tell you 
exactly what it takes to pick them up. You'll be amazed at how 
easy it is! Send only $8.95 plus $1.00 postage and handling. 
This book has already helped over 400,000 men pick up girls. 
Now’s the time to let it help you. (See coupon below) 


OW TO 
Pick UP GIRLS: 


50 great 
how to 


Don't let the fears, the inhibitions, the cold- 
ness of modern life keep you from findin 
Someone to love. Let GETTING TOGETHEI 
help you develop the kind of deep, loving 
relationship you've been looking for. Not à 
superficial, shallow relationship that fizzles 
out after one or two dates, but a lasting, 
meaningful relationship that grows richer 
and deeper with each passing day. GETTING 
TOGETHER isn't some long, poetic, philo- 
ѕорһу book on love. To the contrary, this is 
a simple, practical guidebook chock full of 
dramatically effective ways of getting to 
know new people. 

If you'd like to meet someone to love, some- 
one you can really and truly share your life 
with, send for GETTING TOGETHER today. 
It costs only $7.95 — far less than anew out- 
fit of clothes. Yet so much more of a help 
when it comes to attracting new people. 


Corp. Offices, 7 W. Clinton Ave., Tenafly, N.J. 07670. 
— — Send me HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS. I've en- 
closed $8.95 plus $1.00 postage and hand- 

ing. 

— Send me HOW TO MAKE LOVE TO A SIN- 
GLE WOMAN. I've enclosed $12.95 plus $1.00 
postage and handling. 

— Send me GETTING TOGETHER I've enclosed 
$7.95 plus $1.00 postage and handling. 

— — Bill my Mastercharge # _ 
Expiration Date. 


ТҮ TR TY RGIS 9 ин 


Stle. — Ap 


(ORDER TWO OR MORE BOOKS AND SUBTRACT $1.00 


140000 


From the world's first miniature loudspeaker - the 
remarkable ADS 200 - to the sophisticated bi- 
amplified studio reference monitor — the model 
910 — all ADS loudspeakers offer performance to 
suit the needs and tastes of the most demanding 
music-lover. 


Uncommon qualities are common to all our 
speakers. They combine the utmost neutrality 
with accuracy to create what has been aptly 
described as "Invisible Sound" - reproduction so 
transparent and precisely imaged that the 
speakers seem to disappear. 

The shaded area in the above graph indicates 
the frequency band in which 95% of all musical 
sounds occur. Throughout this range - between 
150 Hz and 15,000 Hz - the response curves of 
all ADS transducers are practically indistinguish- 
able and as smooth as technically achievable. 


Naturally, our more expensive speakers will go 
progressively lower in deep bass and somewhat 
higher in the uppermost octave. The dynamic 
range and attainable peak sound pressure level 
are in direct proportion to your investment. 


im 


Because you, the listener, will have your own 
SUBJECTIVE perceptions about your music, we 
created the best possible sound transducer for 
you: an OBJECTIVE speaker. 


You fake pride in being a discerning listener. 

We take equal pride in the exceptional perform- 
ance and value of all ADS products. Shouldn't 
your next step be to visit one of the select 
Gealers representing ADS? He will competently 
translate the above graph into sound during а 
critical A/B comparison in his showroorn. 


Whether you spend about one hundred dollars 
for the tiny model 20O or approximately seven 
hundred dollars for the imposing 91O, we are con- 
fident that ADS has the perfect speaker for you. 


Formore information on 

D ADS Miniature Speakers О ADS Car Systems 
D ADS Speakers for the Home D ADS Studio Monitors 
Send this coupon lo. 

ADS, Analog 8 Digitol Systems, Inc. 

One Progress Way, Wilmington, MA OT887 


NAME 


STREET 


em 


кы nene 


PLAYBOY 


Look where you'd be if you were 
in our boots. 


Sanders Boots get you noticed. ..a 
beautiful way to comfort from sun-up to 
sun-down. 

It takes time to handcraft a pair of 
Sanders Boots. . that’s why you won't 
find them everywhere. If you can wait for 
quality your patience will be rewarded. 

Write us to find out where you can 
buy the boot that's the quality alternative 
to the ordinary boot. Indulge yourself in 
Sanders Boots - the source of fashion in 
bootery. 


6995 INDUSTRIAL, EL PASD, TEXAS 79915 


HANDCRAFTED UP TO A STANDARD. . МОТ DOWN TO A PRICE. 


e every other review section, we were 
going to do the "clever" thing and 
review together the new solo albums by 
ex-Band members Levon Helm and Rick 
Danko. What might they reveal about 
the inner mysteries, etc., n.b., ibid.. op. 
cit? The trouble is, what they reveal 
not much, and Danko's Rick Denko (Arista) 
bears as much relation to Eric Clapton's 
latest, Slowhand (RSO), as it docs to 
Levon Helm ond The RCO All-Stars (ABC). 
That is wue partly because practically 
everyone on these albums played togetl 
er at The Last Waltz, The Band's beaut 
ful farewell to touring together, and the 
trade off here like teenage country cous- 
ins after the lights go out. Drummer Helm 
has quietly put together something of a 
supergroup, with the beating heart of 
Booker T. & the M.G.'s (Booker T., Steve 
Cropper, Donald "Duck" Dunn), as 
well as Dr. John and Paul Butterfield. 
You might cxpect some heavy-duty 
swamp-water blues from that bunch, but 
the album is curiously . . . jaunty. Even 
on a weeper such as Rain Down Tears, 
everybody sounds quite cheery. Much of 
the album is smooth som-of-Memphis 
R&B, but given the high-powered crowd 
assembled, little was delivered —ánd. 
what goes on under Havana Moon is best 
quickly forgotten, That, in fact, is what 
all three albums share most: In spite of 
flawless musicianship, production, etc., 
they just aren't very interesting. The 
chief villain in each caxe is the same: un- 
inspired tunes, written by the stars /band 
members / girlfriends /cats/astral. voices / 
whatever. Yes, we all have a song in our 
hearts, but some are much better than 
others. Clapton can be such a fine 
interpreter of other people's music that 
he should be enjoined from writing his 
own, particularly when it's as lame as it 
is on Slowhand. The best cut on it is J. 
J. Cale's Cocaine, followed by Don Wil- 
liams We're All the Way, which could 
be a single out of Nashville. But Peaches 
and Diesel is а long, dull road with flat 
ennui for a view on both sides, not a 
wistful vista in sight; and Next Time 
You See Her, the semicelebrated auto 
biography in which Clapton at last lets 
out his anger about losing his girl, 
sounds musically in spots like a limp cop 
from Rick Nelson's Garden Party, right 
down to the vocals, with such lines 
couldn't be the last love, so how could 
you be the fir One bonus for those 
who prize economy is that side two 
seems to be well over an hour long. 
We'll take Rick—Danko, that is. He 
wins the Self-Indulgence Follies by 
having at least a hand in writing every 
cut on Rick Danko (could the title be a 
giveaway), but at least hes managed to 
generate a couple that are beyond mar- 
inal. Best is Brainwash, which echoes 


Lame Clapton. 


Expendable albums from 
Clapton and friends; a 
tribute to Duke Ellington 
with a good deed thrownin; 
and a look at waxed fantasy. 


Let's hear it for the Duke. 


back in sparks and psychic splinters 
to the nervously surreal, Dylan-touched 
s when Danko was The Band's 
for the metaphysical jitters, 
which it suffered so often so well. And 
since his all-pro sideman line-up features 
Robbie Robertson, pron, Doug 
Sahm and Ronnie Wood, there's actual- 
ly more hotshit guitar on Rick Danko 
than on Slowhand. Given the price 
these days, you might do better to pass 
on all three and wait for the triple live 
LP of The Last Waltz, which will feature 


voice 


most of these guys and more doing real 
material instead. of The 
Ego Game. 


auditions for 


. 

It seems ironic that the late Bing 
Crosby's track on A Tribute to Duke (Con- 
cord Jazz) should be the weakest link in 
the album. Der Bingle in his prime was 
as fine a purveyor of jazz vocalese as there 
was in the business. His singing on Don't 
Gel Around Much Any More (probably 
one of the last things he did) is an em- 
barrassment: there's no feel and no voice 
apparent. The instumentalists—pianist 
Nat Pierce, tenor man Scott Hamilton 
(who can sound remarkably like Ben 
Webster), trumpeter. Bill Berry, bassist 
Monty Budwig and drummer Jake Han- 
na—do their best, but it's all to no avail. 
The balance of the album proves to be 
much beiter, Tony Bennett singing Prel- 
ude 10 a Kiss and I'm Just а Lucky So 
and So, Rosemary Clooney swinging on 
I'm. Checking Out—Goom Bye and ca- 
ressing Sophisticated Lady. Woody Her- 
man chips in with In a Sentimental 
Mood and the rest are instrumentals. in- 
cluding a marvelous Main Stem, which 
has always been one of our favorite cook. 
ers, Sale of the album helps the Duke 
Ellington Cancer Center, and if you 
overlook the Crosby mistake, it's a note- 
worthy contribution to a worthy cause. 

E 

You'll probably feel a rush of déjà vu 
the moment you start listening to Cissy 
Houston (Private Stock). The voice, de- 
cidedly, has been around—on television 
singing jingles for RC Cola, Miller High 
Life and Maxwell House; on backup vo- 
cals for everyone from Elvis to Aretha; 
s part of a Sixties group called The 
Sweet Inspirations, Ultimately, Houston 
may go down in recording history as 
R&B's greatest anonymous singer—unless 
this soto album brings her out of the 
shadows. It should. Just compare her 
bravura handling of that torcher Make It 
Easy on Yourself with earlier versions by 
Jerry Butler or Dionne Warwick. The 
ly holds her own. Her ecstatic version 
of Tomorrow invests the Broadway tune 
with near operatic grandeur. And she em 
ploys the R&B singer's full arsenal of 
vocal weapomy—melisma, note bending 
groans of physical abandon—in Morning 
Much Better, а song whose тасу lyrics 
caused it to be banned by Southern radio 
tions when Ten Wheel Drive origi- 
nated it in the late Sixties. Its bawdy mes- 
sage comes across here stronger than ever 
Tf this album doesn’t throw the national 
spotlight on Cisy Houston, we're drop. 
ping out of the soothsayer business. 

. 

If you look at science fiction and its 
close cousin fantasy as an industry, then 
1977 was a banner year. One editor, 


33 


PLAYBOY 


Frederick Pohl, estimated that sci-fi au 
thors as a group made somewhere arc 
$10,000,000. Two of them, 


Enjoy the luxury of int fr Poa cha о 


quarter of a million dollars for the ра 


perback rights to their ultimate-disaster 


a steam bath novel, Lucifer’s Hammer (Playboy Press). 


ө e The film Star Wars made God knows 
how much money, followed to the bank 

without leaving К ula кш айо зш. 
10 television, along with The Man from 

our shower. Atlantis, the Bionics, Lucan and ad 

y LJ infinitum reruns of Star Trek. Any in. 


dusty on a winning streak is likely to 


Introducing Instant Spa: 


Instant Spa*is a new shower accessory that does something 
quite remarkable. In only seconds, it turns the hot water in your 
shower into a soothing, steam bath-like mist 

Step into it and you'll enjoy the same terrific benefits you 
get out of a steam bath 

Instant Spa relaxes tense, achy muscles. Cleans your skin 
even better than soap and water Increases circulation. And 
simply helps your whole body feel like a new person. 

Instant Spa can be installed in just minutes to any shower 
head. Stall or tub. And Instant Spa is harmless to bathroom walls, 
uses a fraction of the water you'd use in a shower, and wont 
interfere with normal everyday shower usage 

Yet if all this sounds too good to be true, here's one thing 
even better Instant Spa 
sells for less than $50 

So now you can 
have the luxury of a 
steam bath without get- 
ting your budget in hot 
weter. 


Fantasy and sci-fi on wax. 


diversify, and sci-fi is по exception. 
What's left? you ask. Records. You can't. 
dance to them—the beat is nonexistent— 
but we'd give ‘em an 89 for words, 
Caedmon offers Isiac Asimov, Frank 
Herbert, Christopher Tolkien and Ursula 
K uin. The readings are amazingly 
“Шеге Asimov in The Mayors races 
through the iyors" section from 
Foundation as if he were а precinct 
captain reporting to a Brooklyn ward 
boss. Frank Herbert reads the banquet 
scene from Dune in a voice somewhat 
between that of a radio-serial announcer 
and the Galloping Gourmet. Christopher 
Tolkien intones The Silmarillion of Beren 
and Lóthien as though he were reading an 
introduction to an Errol Flynn movie 
In Gwilen's Harp and Intracom, Ursula К 
LeGuin creates five voices for a dramatic 
reading of Intracom, then returns to her 
own pipes for Gwilan's Harp. We fully 
expected that we'd listen to these records 
once and file them with our collection 
of comix and early Star Trek memora: 
bilia. To our surprise, we found our 
selves playing them two or three times 
and, inevitably, going back to the origi 
nal works. LeGuin's prose style is poetry 
when spoken. The space-opera melodra. 
matics of Asimov and Herbert become 
aural holograms when touched by a 
voice. And x aristopher Tolkien breathes 
life into the words of his late father— 
almost making The Silmarillion work 


Think of it as 
a steam bath. 


B& M Manufacturing Co 
PO. Box 787, Richboro, Pa. 18954 


Potent Pending 


Since when 
do you drink 


Jim Beam? 


*Since I got the big picture? 


People like Pat enjoy 

smooth, light, mellow Jim Beam 
for exactly the same reason 
you do: taste. 

For six uninterrupted 
generations now, the Beam 
family has been making the 
World's Finest Bourbon. 

People like you 
have been drinking 
Beam since 1795. 


* STRAIGHT 


BOURBON WHISKEY 
Cpl Ay 
"Dorilid and bed by 


ЈМзввлн зто 


Nrucee AM 


Pat McCloud, TV Producer. 


KENTUCKY STRAIGHT BOURBON WHISKEY 80 PROOF DISTILLED AND BOTTLED BY JAMES B. BEAM DISTILLING CO, CLERMONT, BEAM, KY 


35 


PLAYBOY 


36 


asa story. Obviously, the records were 
intended for library collections, but 
you might find room for one or two of 
these on your own racks. They sure beat 
punk rock. 

. 

Touring is hard business. Bands rov- 
ing the country in buses begin to suffer a 
strange malady called road madness. The 
symptoms approximate those suffered by 
istwood in The Gauntlet: He end- 
ed up driving his bus onto the steps of 
y hall in downtown Phoenix. Jackson 
Browne's case is somewhat less severe. He 
used his bus—along with motel rooms. 
rehearsal rooms and stages across the 
country—as a recording studio. The re- 
sult is a very live and loose album, Run- 
ning on Empty (Asylum); its songs are, not 
surprisingly. about life on the road. The 
quality is high: When your backup musi- 
ians include David Lindley and Danny 
Kortchmar, you could record in the wash- 
room in Grand Central and still have a 
better product than most of what you hear 
on the radio these days. High point: a 
rendition of Zodiac's Stay (in which the 
band pleads with the audience to sick 
around for a few more numbers: “The 
promoter won't mind / the unions won't 
mind. . . . Please, please, please stay"). 
Music is the only cure for road madness, 
unless you count cocaine and, yes, Browne 
does a nice send-up of the Reverend Gary 
Davis classic Cocaine. Bar wisdom used to 
be that if you sang songs about booze, 
people would buy you drinks. Is there a 
hidden message here? 


SHORT CUTS 


The Temptations / Hear to Tempt You (At- 
Jantic): On a new label, and with only 
two of the al members, they still 
retain a distinctive sound. 

Preston / A Whole New Thing (A & M): 

more disco than usi 
cally Billy, with space-age instrumentals 
and the obligatory nod to Ray Charles. 

Richie Havens / Mirage (АК М); For a 
while, he sounds contemporary—and 
good. Then the old New Left/folk-music 
hang-ups re-emerge. 

George Duke / Reach for It (Ер 
ter of many styles, he's now doing some 
Bootsy Collins-type rapping—in between 
the Latin/jazz numbers, of соці 

Billy Paul / Only the Strong Survive (Phil- 
adelphia Internatio! We believe him 
when he sings the tide tune. But he 
sounds too comfortable to be Takin’ It 
to the Str 


Wet 


/ Manorisms (Epic) Idiot- 
ic Southern rock with the soul of 


Steve Gibbons Bond / Caught in the Act 
(MCA): How to run the gauntlet from 
Chuck Berry to the Beatles to Bob Dylan 
without getting breathless. 


PRESS 


ctor Clint Eastwood has always been a man of comparatively few words— 
A, real life as well as in his onscreen portrayals of such individualists as 
the laconic Man with No Name of Sergio Leone spaghetti-Western fame. 
Time magazine, in a recent cover story on Eastwood and his fellow box-office 
bankable Burt Reynolds, managed to come up with some eight quotes from 


Clint. Senior Editor Gretchen McNeese, reading the Time piece one evening, 
thought five of them sounded suspiciously familiar. She checked them against 
the February 1974 “Playboy Interview” she and Arthur Knight had con- 
ducted with Eastwood; the results appear below. It's nice to know that 
Time recognizes а good source when it эсе one. 


PLAYBOY 


TIME 


“We don't have a staff of 26 and a fancy 
office. I've got a six-pack of beer under 
my arm, and a few pieces of paper, and a 
couple of pencils, and I'm in business. 
Hell, I can work in a closet." 

P 
EASTWOOD: I'm a political nothing. 

. 

But at the 
same time, a lot of actors who play Hen- 
ry the h can't play my characters. 
They'd be ludicrous. 

. 
EASTWOOD: My theory was that I could 
foul my career up just as well as some- 
body else could foul it up for me, so why 
not try it? 


. 
EASTWOOD: Well, I've been lucky enough 
in life to head up my own company at a 
young age, make my own decisions, shape 
my own career. With a 101 of help, of 
course. 1 guess I'm pretty self-sufficient, 
and I think that's appealing from the au- 
dience's point of view, because there are 
зо many things to feel unself-suificient 
about in 1 


“If I've got a six-pack 
under my arm, a few pieces of paper and 
a couple of pencils, I'm in business,” 


A self- 
described “political nothing,” 
D 
“А lot of actors 
who play Henry V can't 
play my character. They'd 
be ludicrous.” 
б 
“Му theory was 
that I could foul my career up just as well 
as somebody else, so why not try it?” 


As Eastwood says, “I've 
been lucky enough to shape my own ca- 
reer, With a lot of help, of course. I guess 
Tm pretty self-sufficient. and I think that's 
appealing to the audience, because there 
are so many things to feel un-self-suffi- 
cientabout іп life." —Richard Schickel 


ВА55 


MAX ©. min Э. MA Q.: 


THE FIRST COMPONENT CAR STEREO 


TES 


Worthy of the name, “compo- 
nent car stereo? 
Worthy of the name, F "Pioneer" 


The first car tape deck that 
sounds like something straight out 
ofa professional recording studio. 

What youre looking at here, is 
our Supersystem KPH-838 cassette 
deck pre-amp with Dolby*noise 
reduction. With signal-to-noise of 
60dB (Dolby on). With wow and 
flutter less than 0.13% (WRMS). 
Anda separate amp with maximum 
RMS output power of 20 watts per 
channel; 10 watts per channel (both 
channels driven) 60 to 20,000 Hz 
into 4 ohms with no more than 
0.8% THD. 

The KPH-838 comes from 
the same people who introduced 


Supertuner°car stereos two years 
ago. And are still watching every- 
body else play catch-up. 

We're Pioneer. One of the most 
respected audio manufacturers in 
the world. With superb design, 
engineering and manufacturing. 

And even if you buy our least- 
expensive compact 8-track, youre 
still getting the benefit of all that 
leadership. 

So, why not get over to your 
Pioneer dealer's? 


Because we don't just have car 
audio that anybody can like. 

We also have car audio that. 
anybody can afford. 


Pioneer Electronics of America, 1925 E. Dominguez St., Long Beach, CA 90810. 


DDLBYNR PLAY 


© 


ОГо5вуѕуѕтм) 
[Dov svsrEM | 


38 


here are loads of cheap laughs in 

The Choirboys, adapted by Christopher 
Knopf from Joseph Wambaugh's best- 
selling novel. The squad of L.A. police 
men on exhibition are confirmed racists, 
drunks, punks, sexual samurai or practic- 
ing sadomasochists in their off-duty hours, 
which are mostly devoted to juvenile 
bacchanalian revels they call choir prac 
tice, Consorting with whores, shooting at 
ducks in MacArthur Park or handcuffing 
one of their b; sed buddies to a tree 
until a cruising faggot spots him—th 
are typical diversions for L.A.’s finest in 
this knockabout comedy of police corrup- 
tion. Robert Aldrich directed, and author 
Wambaugh—alter his own first attempt 
at a screenplay was tashed—found the 
project so sleazy that he filed a $2.500,000 
lawsuit against Lorimar Productions and 
took out an ad in Faricty to air his indig- 
mation. However the legal hassles ar 
revolved, and setting aesthetic questions 
aside for a moment, Choirboys will prob- 
ably make a bundle at the box ofice 
because it is guilty ду charged—a low- 
estcommon-denominator crowd pleaser 


that’s sure to enrage critics and. Wam- 
igh (a former cop turned serious 
novelist) while delighting indisaiminare 


urday 


ght fun seekers who look for 
the same things in a movie that they seek 
Wa raunchy after-hours strip joint. The 
Choirboys has it all. twice as aude and 
twice as lewd as Slap Shot, for example, 
with Perry King, Louis Gossett, Jr. and 
cter nick- 


med Spermwl 
of macho pigs whose misbel 
10 delight every cop hat 
ed inner city to co; 
actors are far superior to their 
yet they chew the scenery 
seript’s fourlener profanities with ap- 
parent relish, Wambar 
his head in the sand if he was expe 
sensitivity from Aldrich, a director whose 
hallmark is the hard-hat rowdiness of 
The Dirty Dozen and The Longest Yard. 

. 

А few highlights 
Anxiery, Mel Brooks's hom: 
Hitchcock, were previewed in. PLaynoy’s 

anuary issue: we сап report now аг 
you should we the movie, by all means. 
Who'd want to miss a hilarious parody 
of the Psycho shower scene (while bath- 
ing. Brooks is atiacked by a demented 
bellhop brandishing a newspaper) or a 
wildly funny and completely irrelevant 
spoof of Frank Sinatra (Brooks again, as 

distinguished shrink who captivates a 
ight-club audience by belting out the 
psychiarrically slanted tide tune with all 
the aplomb of Ol Blue Eyes in his 
prime)? If there are any reasonable stand- 
ards by which to measure Brooks's spe 
l brand of movie madness, though, 


ling a company 
in’ ought 
ry blight- 


from. coast 


com 


from High 
zc о Allred 


The Choirboys: cheap shot. 


High Anxiety and The 
Choirboys disappoint; 
Gray Lady Down 
affords predictable suspense. 


Minor-league Brooks is still hilarious. 


wed rank the rest of High Anxiety sev- 

1 cuts below Young Frankenstein and 
Silent Movie. Spoofing Hitchcock's thrill- 
ers is a tricky business, since Hitchcock 
himself weaves threads of dryly sophisti 
ted humor through many of his most 
masterful exercises in suspense. Mel's 
broadsides are the antithesis of Hitch- 
n comedy, and the cultural ga 
occasionally makes things awkward. A 
take-off on The Birds, for example, looks 
fine on paper but goes flat on film because 
the whole joke is too obviously rigged to 
make Brooks the target Гог a barrage of 
birdshit. His slapstick is wielded to bet- 
ter effect when Mel, Madeline Kahn, 


Cloris Leachman, Harvey Korman, How- 
ard Morris and a madcap company per- 
form double takes in response to the 
sound-track music (composed and con 
ducted by John Morris as if to underscore 
the fact that damned few straight thrillers 
would make the grade without full or- 
chestral accompaniment). This bunch can 
goos adience into guffaws even when 
their material is just fair to middling. 
. 

The plot of Gray Lady Down is as pre- 
dictably tight as the innards of your new 
aterprool watch, A nuclear submarine 
called Neptune, alter colliding on the 
surface with a Norwegian freighter, sinks 
0 Гесса good 200 feet below its 

qush depth—but miraculously 

intact while the U- S. Navy mobi 
rowing rescue operation. Charl- 
ton Heston commands the stricken sub 
ad Ronny Cox goes slowly to pieces as 
the nervous executive officer who was 
destined to become skipper immediately 
ter the Neptune's final fateful voyage. 
Stacy h directs the rescue mission, 
while David Carradine and Ned Beatty 
valiantly submerge in the trouble-shoot- 
ing Smak, vehicle equipped 
with searchlights. TV cameras and a me- 
chanical arm. Down below, injured men 
are dy ir supply is running low 
and gravity slides threaten to dislodge 
the sub from its precarious perch on the 
shelf of a wench more than two miles 
deep. Will disaster be averted until a 
D.S.R.V. (deepsea rescue vessel) arrives 
to save the crew from a watery gr: 
the abyss? We'd he rats to divulge ex- 


actly how the movie ends, but maybe 
you can guess. Gray Lady Down has a 


slick and suspenseful script, directed in 
the best stiff-upperlip tradition by David 
Greene, underplayed to the hilt by Hes 
ton, Carradine and а stalwart company 
(with nice work in minor roles by Stephen 
McHattie and Christopher Reeve, who 
was subsequently recruited to play Super 
тап). Technically, no serious fault can 
h Gray Lady Down. The 
only thing lacking is a glimmer of origi 
nality to distinguish this disaster-at-sea 
epic from а dozen previous dil-hangers, 
nd equally indebted 
to the Nayy Department for cooperation 
"There's nary à moment of boredom, just 
whelming sense that these sailors 
e straits are the same frantic, fa- 
tars we have encountered before. 
. 

TV's Henry Winkler, ido 
nz of Happy Days, mi 
bid for movie stardom in The One end 
Only, soso romantic comedy that would 
be judged a setback to the career of any 
ordinary performer. However, such а 
predicion might sound reckless after 
Heroes, blasted by a healthy percenta; 


be found w: 


equally competent 


an ov 
in di 
mil 


ed as the 
s his second 


“She can't draw. I can't paint. 
But no one can say we're not creative? 


“We found there's no need to be able to 
paint or draw in order to make use of a 
lively imagination. That urge to be 
creative can be satisfied in any number of 
ways. But the one we find exciting is 
photography. 

“АП we really needed was a good. 
camera. We spoke to a couple of our 
friends who knew about cameras. They 
Suggested we buy a Nikon. We thought 
they were kidding . . .after all, we were 
only beginners. So, we went to a camera 
store and spoke to the dealer. He, ioo, 
said that Nikon was the best 35mm 
camera to buy because it always pays to 
start out with the best. He showed us the 
new Nikon FM -compact, lightweight, 
and so easy to operate. Then, he really 
surprised us. He told us that, while it 
didn't cost nearly as much as the profes- 
sional Nikon F2, it offered that same 
Nikon quality. And, when we held it in our 
hands, we both felt as if it were 
made just for us! The other 
cameras we looked at just 
couldn't compare. Another 
thing we liked—there is a 
motor drive and over 55 
Nikkor lenses to choose 
from as we get more 
involved in phatography. 

We can try just about 
anything! 

“So, now we're having 
the time of our lives with 
our Nikon FM. The 
pictures are sharp, the 
colors so vivid, and the 
opportunity for 
expression and 
creativity unlimited? 

For deiails on the Nikon FM, 
check the Yellow Pages for the Nikon 

ler nearest you. Ask him also about 
the traveling Nikon School. Or write for 
LitPak N-37P 1o Nikon Inc., Garden 
City, N.Y. 11530, Subsidiary of Ehrenreich 


Photo Optical Industries, Inc. 
(In Canada: Anglophoro Lid., P.Q.) 


[E 


PLAYBOY 


40 


of critics, whose smoking guns have not 
scared off millions of loyal Winkler fans: 
his public obviously sticks with him 
through thick and thin while he's search- 
ing for a viable big-screen image. So 
far, he can’t seem to find the miracl 
working part that will do for him wl 
Saturday Night Fever docs for John 
Travolta. Directed by Carl Reiner (of 
Oh, God! and multimedia comic tri- 
umphs), The One and Only sets Winkler 
back in the Fifties as a would-be genius 
actor named Andy Schmidt. “I happen 
to be a big talent. I can sing, dance, tell 
jo -. what I am is great,” says 
Schmidt, who keeps telling us rather 
than showing us why we ought to root 
for a schlemiel described in the film's 
production notes as "a wild and zany 
young guy who falls in love and leaves 
college to pursue his dream of stardom, 
which comes true in the most unlikely 
of arenas.” The unlikely arena is a 
wrestling ring, where the jobless thes- 
pian finally achieves success as a cutesy 
carbon copy of Gorgeous George— 
though he is billed as The Lover and 
minces into the fray decked out in a 
blond wig, heavy makeup. furs and 
pistel-pink trunks. His grandstand m: 
ner and insatiable hunger for applause 
are not especially sympathetic tra 
though, and Winkler has to strain to 
pump some personal charm into a card- 
board character written by Steve Gordon. 
An occasional good gag is helped by ac- 
tor-director Gene Saks, broadly playing а 
sleazy fight promoter who keeps griping 
about his son the faggot, or by Hervé 
Villechaize as a lusty midget who will 
grapple with anything in skirts. As 
Schmidt's college sweetheart and long- 
suffering wife, who simply wants him 
to stay home and help raise their baby. 
Kim Darby (the plucky adolescent of 
True Grit) emerges from her sel 
posed semiretirement to play a thank 
Jess role for pure pathos, as if she were 
moved to tears just to be working again. 
The One and Only is substantially bet- 
ter than Heroes, which was terrible— 
and that, sports fans, means its only 
good enough to keep the Fonz legend 
in a holding pattern. 
б 

While we've been waiting—and wait- 
ing and waiting—for Francis Ford Сор- 
pola's Apocalypse Now to expose the 
folly of war in a multimillion-dollar 
spectacular now scheduled for fall re- 
lease, director Sidney J. Furie has 
sneaked off to the Philippines and 
come back with the best picture to 
date on the sadly neglected subject of 
America’s fiasco in Vietnam. The Boys im 
Company C, written by Furie in collabora- 
ion with Rick Natki аргу, scath- 
ing antiwar movie made with a relatively 
unknown cist, a relatively tiny budget 
nd a lot of moxie. The boys are a 
bunch of Marine recruits being wained 
as killers back in 767. They enter boot 


Henry, you're Gorgeous. 


Winkler wrestles; 
Furie films ‘Nam's losers; 
J. Edgar Hoover exposed. 


Company С: best yet on Vietnam. 


camp reviled as “maggots” and “fuckin’ 
civilian slime” and emerge eight weeks 
later, brainwashed, pretending to be the 
“biggest, baddest, meanest mothers” ever 
psyched up to search and destroy. Once 
in action, they learn much more. How to 
traffic in drugs. How to drink, smoke and 
заем their way through a 24-hour leave. 
How to wipe out a Vietnamese village on 
the whim of officers whose sole concern is 
a body count to fulfill the requ 
quota. Furie isn't aiming for 
approach: He's stating the case for 
prosecution, and he mounts it in a 


suaightforward, semidocumei 
that looks as lousy and demoralizing as 
the real war. $ ichacl Lem- 


beck, James Canning, Craig Wasson and 
Andrew Stevens portray the usual cross 
section of cannon fodder—Shaw as the 
sullen black plan 
Lembeck as the w 
Wasson as the guit 
yet they all ma 
wansform dich acters 
blooded, believable leathernecks, most 
of whom are destined to die. Porent 
drama. The Boys in Company C should 


spell professional redemption for Furi 
a perennially promising but erratic d 
rector who used to dazzle the crowds with 
such savvy showpieces as The Ipcress File 
but went haywire with the turgid Gable 
and Lombard. Apparently, all he needed 
way a surge of righteous rage. 
. 

We live in an age that glorifies behind- 
the-scenes gossip, so the time ought to be 
right for The Private Files of J. Edgar Носу, 
writer-producer-director Larry (It’s Alive) 
Cohen's jittery film bio of the Ine gre 
G man. Although the movie sags, the 
topic is fascinating. First, there's the now. 
it-can-betold aspect of its revelations 
about Hoover's power mania, his possible 
impotence, his momma's-boy period and 
rumors of homosexuality, the last sup- 
ported by his close lifelong friendship 
with Clyde Tolson. Second, though, 
Private Files simply reminds us tit 
Nixon and Watergate and the CIA's top: 
secret machinations have created an at 
mosphere in which John Q. Public is not 
j ical but practically impervious t» 
ay or straight or power hu; gry, 
Hoover has been upstaged by worse mon 
sters, many of them still at large. Brode 
rick Crawford's strong but fair-minded 
performance and his uncanny resm- 
blance to J. Edgar arc the movie's major 
the rest seems to be a game of 
Celebrity Squares, the guesswho divi 
sion—with Michael Parks as Robert F. 
Kennedy, Dan Dailey as Tolson, Howard 
Da Silva as F.D.R., Lloyd Gough as Wal- 
ter Winchell, George Plimpton as Quer 
in Reynolds, Raymond St. Jacques as 
Martin Luther King, Jr. Some Washi 
ton sequences were shot on location in 
the FBI building, in Hoover's old hon 
even in Tolson's apartment. Such guar 
апеей verisimilitude may be worth a 
nickel or a dime, but the truth is much 
harder to come by. Private Files of J. 
Edgar Hoover skims the surface of its 


subject and. reduces his portrait to a siz 
just right for the kind of fictionalized 
docud that usually becomes a one- 


shot TV special. 
б 

An Unmarried Women could turn out to 
be Paul Maz vs Annie Hall. en 
more thin Woody Allen, writer«lirecior 
Mazursky has rather loosely played his 
own life story for laughs in some spright 
ly satires, from Bob & Carol & Ted è 
Alice to Next | reenwich Village 
He's not just kidding around in Unmar 
ried Woman, a poignant and sharply en 
tertaining comedy in which he g 
tips his hat. in effect, to certain 
women he has known—those discarded 
wives who face a period of adjustment as 
divorcees, forced into a new relationship 
with themselves, their ie 
former mates, friends and men in gener 
al. Mazursky chose Jill Clayburgh to play 
his самый lady. Е and though Clay 
burgh has previously registered as a love 


children, th 


iquid Velvet. 


"There are a lot of whiskies out 
there. Straights. Blends. Canadians. 

But none can give you the excép- 
tional feel of Black Velvet? Canadian 
Whisky. A premium import ata very 

"eee" .reasonable price. 

Try Black Velvet. And taste the 

Velvet difference. 


BLACK VELVET” BLENDED CANADIAN WHISKY, BO PROOF. IMPORTED BY © 1977 HEUBLEIN, INC., HARTFORD, CONN. 


LANCERS/BRINGS.QUT THE BEAUTY IN SIMPLE THINGS. 


If you p dinner, you'll enjoy it with a not-so-fancy lunch. 


te Wine Any time. Any place. 


IMPORTED 


IANCERS/ 
Yoho Branco И 


A WHITE DINNER WINE 
VINTAGE 1975 
озү 
*- M. DA FONSECA. EN 
ATETAD —L:$80A — POR 


En anc c mnm 


HEUBLEIN. T мс. 


goddess with a rather low metabolism 
(she was the better hall of Gable and 
Lombard, but thats not saying much), 
here she translorms а soap-opera heroine 
n intelligent, funny, sympathetic, 
ally contemporary survivor of the cur- 
rent overheated battle of the sexes. 
Among her chief adversaries are Midh 
Murphy, who plays the swaying hush: 
as a bastard with some honest pangs of 
conscience; Cliff Gorman as a horny artist 
who's ever ready to help a girl prove that 
she's still phenomenal in bed; and Eng- 
land's Alan Bates, bullish and command- 
ing as another artist, a take-over type who 
is probably going to be exactly what 
Erica needs when and if she figures out 
exactly what she wants. 

Kelly Bishop, Linda Miller and Pat 
Quinn play Erica’s girl chums, who arc 
into consciousness-taising: they form a 
protective cordon around their friend 
and dish up some of the film's sassiest 
dialog when they start yakking about sex, 
marriage, kids, drugs, the male animal, 
younger men as lovers, etc 
Since 1 started taking lithium, 1 feel 
more sensible than this month's Good 
Housekeeping,” cracks Bishop (Broad- 
ways Tony Award winner from 4 Cho- 
rus Line), playing а not-so-gay divorcee 
who has realistically decided to settle for 
a good steady lay without love. Lisa Lucas 
plays the teenaged daughter with whom 
An Unmarried Woman must also come 
to terms. 

With this role, Clayburgh establishes 
herself as а close rival to Diane Keaton: 
she's a low-key romantic charmer who 
asks nothing more from life than lasting 
happiness, a nip to Tibet, maybe owner- 
ship of a chic little restaurant where she 
can get up and sing now and Шеп if 
she feels like it. Before the fade-out, 
you're apt to identily with Bates—want- 
ing Jill to stick around ший breakfast, 
meet you later for lunch and promise to 
keep her next few weekends clear. 

. 

The tragedies of Euripides are 
ideal movie material, and Mich 
coyannis has been a hit-or-miss director 
since his Zorba the Greek swept up sev- 
eral Oscars in 1961. Completing his 

ripidean film trilogy, which began 


not 


other powerhouse performance by Irene 
Papas. Classical purists who object to the 
liberties Cacoyannis takes with the text 
may pick away at /phigenia and win every 
gument, but they cannot deny the film's 
headlong energy, its soaring passion, its 
uncanny trick of making ancient history 
seem as immediate and shocking 
terday’s headlines. Lest ve forget, Zphi- 
genia is one more stirring chapt 
Helen of Troy saga—with Agamemnon 
(Сома Кағакох) and all the lesser kings 
of Greece becilmed in the Bay of Auli 


s yes- 


rin the 


with their thousand ships. ready, as soon 
as the wind rises, to sail away to sack Troy 
and avenge Menclaus, the husband Helen 
has betrayed. The Greek armies are loung- 
ing on the beach—naked, hungry and 
1estive—when а seer tells Agamemnon 
that he can launch the fleet and appease 
the gods only by sacrificing his beloved 
young daughter Iphigenia. Enter Papas 
as Queen Clytemnestra, who believes that 
their nubile daughter has been summoned 
to тапу Achilles When the truth be- 
comes known, all hell breaks loose and 


ble force оГ naturi 
fledgling actress Т 
Hellenic heartbreaker, looks i 
a fawn with war hounds baying at her 
heels. Iphigenia on film is stagy, but a 
hypnotic, enthralling human drama as 
well. 


б 

A handsome quarter hore plays the 
tide role in Cesey's Shadow and becomes 
1 contender in the All American Futurity 
race at Ruidoso Downs, New Mexico. 
or those of you who didn't 


Shadow and Casey. 


PLAYBOY's August 1971 piece on the All 
American, 442 a Second, it's an 
annual Labor Day-weekend event, the 
world’s highestpaying horse race, in 
which quarter horses compete in four 
races for a total purse of well over 
51.000.000.) While Cascy's Shadow prob- 
ably sounds like a replay of National 
Velvet or a swell idea for a heart-warming 
family movie out of Disney's stable, hold 
on to your hats. No film starring Walter 
Matthau as a cantankerous Cajun horse 
trainer from Louisiana can be all that 
wholesome, and Carol Sobieskrs fresh, 
informative screenplay was obviously de- 
signed to show off Walter's private stock 
of hickorysmoked ham. Playing the way- 
ward father of three unbridled boys 
(Andrew A. Rubin, Steve Burns and 
Michael. Hershewe—every one of them a 
winner). Matthau niaintains his slovenly 
household in such an offhand manner 
that his wife has long since decamped. 
His notion of discipline is to threaten the 
boys with bodily injury—being skinned 
or burned alive, things like that—and he 


tries to make up for а misspent life by 
buying an old nag in foal, praying he'll 
get a million-dollar colt. The trick is that 
has been surreptitiously bred by 
sire from the rich stable of 
ah Blue, queen bee of the horsy 
set. Alexis Smith plays the regal lady 
silly, while Matthau licks his wounds 
and works the angles under the direction 
of Martin Ritt (of Hud, The Front, et 
al). Casey's Shadow leaves little time for 
nce but plenty of time for touchy 
herson relationships, rambunctious 
horseplay and so much colorful race- 
track atmosphere that the feverish will to 


win becomes contagious. One of these 
days, if he keeps up his present pace as a 
grumpy, lovable slob, М 


thau is going 
that he's actually а 
lace Beery. 


FILM CLIPS 


Clint Eastwood directed 
4 also stars in this illogical action me 
drama that may have been wired together 
th ritten. Eastwood plays a 
1 trying to deliver a whore (Sondra 
Locke) to a mobster's trial at which she is 
scheduled to testify—and somebody, some 
where, wants them to һаус a serious ac- 
cident en route. Between narrow escapes, 
Clint and Sond Ш in love, what else? 
Neither her stalwart leading man nor the 
audience can doze, though. once Locke 
revs up to show what an A-I actress can 
do with a nothing role. 

The Late Great Plenet Earth: Doomsday 
predictions, in semidocumentary form, are 
liberally illustrated with interviews and 
news footage, intoned by Orson Welles 
with some sepulchral direct quotes from 
the best-selling book (15,000,000 copies 
sold in 30 languages) by Hal Lindsey. 
According to Lindsey, who insists that the 
Bible tells us so, it’s all going to end with 
bang in the troublesome Middle 
her soon—and a new Messiah shall 
ad us into Armageddon. What's really 
hard 10 believe is that a volatile subject 
could be made into a movie so consisteni 
ly blah. 

The Children of Theatre Street; Princess 
Grace of Monaco was lured back to the 
screen to narrate this awesome, engrossing 
behind-thescenes film about the Kirov 
school of ballet (officially, the Vaganova 
Choreographic Institute) in Leningrad, 
where three hopeful students—one а blos- 
soming prima ballerina—work like sl 
to duplicate the feats of such disti 
alumni as Nureyev, Baryshnikov, Bal: 
chine and Nijinsky. Made under Amer 
can auspices with Soviet cooperation (and 
subsequently banned in Russia because 
several celebrated defectors are те 
tioned), Theatre Street emphasizes that a 
stint“of 10 10 12 years in а Marine boot 
camp would be mere child’s play com- 
pared with training for a career in Rus- 
ce. 

ALL REVIEWS BY BRUCE WILLIAMSON 


to have to adm 
reincarnation of W; 


41 


PLAYBOY 


42 


3GOOD 
REASONS 
FOR 
BUYING AN 
EMPIRE 
CART- 
RIDGE 


YOUR RECORDS WILL LAST 
m LONGER. Unlike ordinary 
magnetic cartridges, Empire's vari- 
able reluctance cartridges have a 
diamond stylus that floats free of its 
magnets. This imposes much less 
weight on the record surface and 
insures much longer record life. 


YOUR RECORDS WILL 
я SOUND BETTER. Empire 
sound is spectacular. Distortion at 
stancard groove velocity does not 
exceed .05%. Instruments don't 
waver; channel separation is razor 
sharp. 


3 MORECARTRIDGE FOR 

я YOUR MONEY. We use 4 
poles, 4 coils and three magnets in 
our cartridge (more than any other 
brand). Each cartridge must pass 
rigid tests before shipment. 


For more good reasons to buy an 
Empire cartridge write for your free 
catalogue: 

EMPIRE SCIENTIFIC CORP, 
Garden City, N.Y. 11530 


vius EMPIÆ 


X RATED 


onstance 
c Money, An- 
nette. Haven, 
Lesllie Bovee, Su- 
zanne McBain, 
Jenny Baxter and 
C. J. Laing su 
port busty Glo 
Leonard in her ti- 
tle role as Maraschi- 
no Cherry, madam 
of an elegant high- 
rise Manhattan 
whorchouse where 
male sex fantasies 
are catered to in 
style. Director 
Henry Paris, we 
all know, is actu- 
ally Radley Mew- 
whose crotic 
excursions (most. 


ger, 


Red-hot Cherry. 


surreal sexual 
circus as loosely 
organized as 
Laugh-In, with 
cunts and clowns 
and cocks and 
cum shots flowing 
together to illus- 
te Maraschino 
emy's simple, 
zhtforward 
thesis: "Man is 
judged by the 
pleasures he 
keeps." If healthy 
voyeurism hap- 
pens to be your 
pleasure, here's 
your best bet so 
far in 1978. 
. 
At the fade-out 


recently, The 
Opening of Misty 
Beethoven and 
Barbara Broad- 
cast) have begun 
to dispense with 
plot in order to 
emphasize sugges- 


Metzger scores again with 
Maraschino Cherry; Emmanuelle 
surfaces a third time. 


of Goodbye Emman- 
velle, Sylvia Kristel 
has fallen in Iove 
with a handsome 
young film maker 
(Jean-Pierre Bou- 
vier), 
the fre 


tive music, smoot 
photography and 
smashing girls 
serviced by hand- 
some studs. Cherry 
boasts a cast of 
lust goddesses who. 
are virtually the 
Ziegfeld Girls of 
today's porn 
scene, and each 
appears in at least. 
one steamy spe- 
cialty act—Co 
stance as a callgirl 
who dresses up in 
bullfighter’s reg 
lia to please her client or excites another 
John by wading to meet him with The 
Wet Look in Central Park Lake; An- 
netic as a bored, hot-blooded housewife 
getting it off atop a tinkling grand piano 
a cocktail lounge; Lesllie as Madam 
Cherry's private secretary, whose skills 
don't stop at shorthand. Hard-core 
gives way to broad humor when } 
on the stroke of three, casually w 
her whip for three strokes across a hi 
lot's back to help everyone keep track 
of the time—or when her kid sister (Jen- 
пу Baxter), studying the business because 
she wants to open "a middle-income 
whorehouse" back home in the sticks, 
intently studies a plump middle-aged 
client afflicted with an allergy that makes 
him come every time he sneezes, “What 
do you take for that?” she asks. “Rag- 
weed,” says he. The whole show is a 


Emmanuelle marches on. 


lile she has alw 
enjoyed with her 
husband. (Umber- 
to Orsini) and is 
following her new 
lover home to 
France. All this 
takes place in 
the Seychelles, a 
group of idyllic 
islands in the In- 
dian Ocean, where 
the elegantly 
dressed—and un- 
dressed—Beauti- 
ful People in 
Emmanuelle’s so- 
cial cirde scem to pass the time balling 
as if lamour were their profession. 
Well, it's nice work if you can get 
it, and French director Frangois 
Leterrier brings off the third film of 


the Emmanuelle series with nothing 
much lost, nothing notable gained. 


‘The love scenes аге still stylishly photo- 
graphed, the general atmosphere remains 
so chic and silky that you half expect the 
movie to carry a designer label. Kristel is 
a photogenic phenomenon who may not 
be a real actress but has a face and figure 
that trigger some remarkable chemistry 
the moment a movie camera starts to whir 
in her vicinity. She must be doi 
thing right. More than four years after 
her debut, the original Emmanuelle is 
still a long-run hit in Paris, and seems 
well on the way to becoming a national 
institution, —вм. 


some- 


WHY ООВ OIL 
SHOULD BE STANDARD 
EQUIPMENT 
ON ALL eM CARS. 


Smaller cars demand 
even more of a motor oil 
than big cars do. Their 4 
and 6 cylinder engines run 
at considerably higher 
revs throughout their 
entire performance range. 
So there's more heat and 
friction in the engine. 

АП this can cause 


extra wear, tear, and ‘shear’ 


(thinning out of the oil)— 
what engineers refer to as 
“viscosity breakdown” As 


N 


N 


To prove that Castrol is better suited 
for smaller, hotter, higher-revving engines 
we tested Castrol against Quaker State 
and Pennzoil. As the graph above plainly 
shows, only Castrol didn't break down. 


Castrol the strength it 
needs to keep cleaning and 
lubricating the narrow 
passages in smaller 
engines. (And if Castrol 
can do all this for smaller 
engines, imagine what it 
can do for bigger, less 
demanding ones.) 

To prove how good our 
oil really is, we tested 
Castrol against the two 
leading brands: Quaker 
State and Pennzoil. 


the viscosity of the oil breaks down it 
loses more and more of it's ability to pro- 
tect a smaller саг engine from its own 
self-destructive tendencies. 

That’s why Castrol is so essential for 
smaller cars. 

Unlike ordinary oils Castrol doesn’t 
break down. After an incredible expendi- 
ture of time and money Castrol engineers 
developed a unique motor oil formulation 
using a special vis- DM 
cosity modifier that 
prevents Castrol from 
thinning out under 
intense heats and 
pressures. 

Then they added 
additives and detergents 
that keep sludge from 
forming as the oil cools 
down. Additives that give 


The test was conducted in a labora- 
tory by an independent testing firm. Each 
one of the oils was an SAE-approved 
10W-40. After the equivalent of roughly: 
2,000 miles they found that while Quaker 
State and Pennzoil had both shown 
significant breakdown, Castrol hadn't 
broken down at all. 

So while there are lots of oils to 
choose from, only one should be standard 

-m equipment on smaller 
Da cars. Castrol —the oil 
that doesn't break down. 

After all, if your 
motor oil breaks down, 
who knows what could 
break down next? 


Look what happens when 
RCAturns your television... 


Caution. The unauthorized recording of television programs and other materials may infringe the rights of others. 


into SelectaVision. 
| ђ TS m You get your rest. Tele- 


vision can keep you 

2-а gum up late. But 

SelectaVision 

- = will silently 

You get the best У F recor усш 

of television when- => - late, | 'а- 

ever you want. Tele- " 2 e vorite while you're 

vision shows you what \ fast asleep. Just an- 

it wants to show you. other reason to 

But with a SelectaVision ke Selecta- 

Video Cassette Recorder, you zm Vision's built- 

can video tape your favorites to timer. And 

see again when you want. You | Sele с ta- 

à) can put up to 4 hours of the, . Vision's 4- 

best television on a single hour recording ability. 
SelectaVision cassette. 


You get to be astar. With SelectaVision's 
optional black and white camera, you 
can make your own home video tape 

“movies.” A single SelectaVision cas- 
sette can store up to 4 hours of your 
favorite television scenes (the ones with 
your family inthem). 


You get out and see the world 
again. With television, you miss 
shows when you go out. But you 
can preset SelectaVision's 
built-in timer and your fa- 
vorite show will automati- 

cally be recorded for you. You get the best 


REGES Selecta FFs OS " à of both channels. With ч 

ision records Az television, you have to make some unpleasant decislons. 
up to 4 hours Like what to watch when two terrific shows are on at the 
without ЩЙ same time. With SelectaVision, you'll see them both. You 


changing cas- can watch one while SelectaVision records the other. 
settes, you 


won't miss the 
exciting con- 
clusion. 


You get an unsurpassed home video recording 
system. RCA SelectaVision gives you 4 full hours of 
record/playback in a single cassette. A built-in 
digital timer. A remote pause control for chair-side 

editing. Even an optional television camera. Your 
RCA SelectaVision Dealer is ready to demonstrate it 
all for you. Go see him. And start watching Selecta- 
Vision. You'll love it. 


Let RCA turn your television into 


RCA <ù SelectaVision 


46 


(Ct COMING ATTRACTIONS 5х )) 


OSEWATERGATE? Author Kurt Vonne- 

gut, Jr, is busy working on a novel 
that he says is about "an old guy, a radi- 
cal, who has just served time in jail for 
Watergate-related crimes committed dur- 
ing his tenure as a minor Nixon official. 
Trying to put his life back together, he 
runs into an old girlfriend from the Thir- 
ties and reminisces about his past career 
in Government." Though the book isn't 
meant to be satiric, Vonnegut says it is 
funny in parts and that characters from 


Vonnegut Woodward 

his past novels haven't appeared in this 
one so far, “but they might barge in at 
any time.” Vonnegut hopes to finish the 
book by June. 


D 

LADY  GHATTERLEY'S FRIEND: Joanne 
Woodward will play the lead in NBCTV's 
production of Lady Chatterley's Lover, to 
be aired later this year. Don't expec 
breakthroughs as far as sex on the s 
screen is concerned. though: According 
to Deanne Barkley, NBC's veep in charge 
of telemovies, Chatterley is “not а story 
about sex. It's а story about people lov- 
ing each other." Ho-hum. Nevertheles: 
the film does have some potential. 
addition to Woodward, the network 
signed Rosemary Ann Sisson (who wrote 
The Six Wives of Henry VIIL and si: 
episodes of Usiaus, Downstairs) to pen 
the teleplay. 


. 

THROUGH A LENS DARKLY: Producer Jon 
Peters and director Irvin Kershner have 
completed shooting their film Eyes on 


Jones Dunaway 
location in New York Gi 
(it was a closed set) claims it’s going to be 
a biggie. The Faye Dunaway/Tommy Lee 
Jones starrer is a chiller-diller murder mys- 
tery that plays off the kinky, violence/chic 
style of photographer Helmut Newton. 
Faye portrays a lady fashion photog 
whose models start mysteriously drop- 
ping dead and Jones (The Amazing 
Howard Hughes) is the cop assigned to 


and our spy 


investigate. New York cover girls Lise 
Taylor and Darlanne Fluegel play the models 
who become murder victims—not before 
they've been shown at least partly nude, 
thank God. Observers say Dunaway and 
Jones are quite the dynamic duo onscreen 
and that, with Jones, "we may be seeing 
the debut of the new Charles Bronson. 
(For more on Dunaway, sce this issue's 
Grapevine.) 


б 

WILL THE THIRD REICH GET THE RAT- 
Ics? NBC's eight-hour miniseries Holo- 
caust, to be shown on four nights in April, 
is shaping up to be this season's answer to 
Roots. Not that NBC hasn't stacked the 
deck—the network hired Mervin Chomsky, 
who directed six hours of Roots, to direct 
and author Gerald Green to do the teleplay, 
which will be novelized and marketed 
when the series airs. Briefly, Holocaust, 
which NBC officials describe as a film 
that’s "going to create onc hell of an im- 
pact.” follows both the plight of a Ger- 
man-Jewish doctor and his family between. 
the years 1935 and 1945 and the rise and 
fall of an ambitious young German lawyer 


Moriarty Mailer 
who joins the SS and becomes instrumen- 
tal in implementing Himmler's plan to 
exterminate 6,000,000 Jews. And, of 
course, the Jewish doctor once treated the 
lawyer's family, and so on and so forth. 
The lawyer-cum-SS man is played by 
Michael Moriarty, Tom Bell is Adolf Eichmann 
and English actor tan Holm is Herr Himm- 
ler (why is it that high-ranking Nazi 
always have English accents? 
. 

OVERSTATED  ELEGANC Norman Nailer 
and photographer Milton H. Greene are put- 
ng together a big $2 
called, tentatively, Women and Elegance. 
Similar to Mailer's bio of Marilyn Monroe, 
this one (skedded for fall '79) will have 
117 photos of classy ladies—Min Farrow, 
liz Taylor, Claudia Cardinale, Jackie Onassis, 
Judy Garland, Marlene Dietrich, Barbra Strei- 
sand and lots of others—with nude lay- 
outs, possibly, on Linda Lovelace and Lauren 
Hutton. Mailer will write 40,000 to 60,000 
words in an attempt to answer the ques- 
tion “What makes a woman elegant: 

б 

RADIO WAVES: The film FM is sl 
up to be the Network of the radio biz. 
Directed by cinematographer John (China- 


town) Alonzo and scored by Steely Dan, 
the story revolves around the lives of 
several FM deejays, touching upon all 
aspects of the recording biz. The climax 
comes when the deejays (played by Martin 
Mull, Cleavon Little, Eileen Brennan, Alex Karras 

nd се! Brandon) respond to encroach- 
ing corporate control of their under- 
ground programing by locking the 
business guys out of the station. Also fea- 
tured in the film are Linda Ronstadt, Joe 
Smith (the rea chairman of Elektra/ 


Ronstadt Mull 
Asylum Records, who moved his actual 
office and secretary onto the set for the 
duration of the shooting) and comedian 
Mull, who plays a deejay named Eric 
Swan, a character who, g 10 
Mull, “fancies himself a real ladies’ 
п and claims to get laid a lot more 
than he really docs." The flick has gen- 
erated а lot of excitement at Universal, 
where studio execs lined up to view the 
dailies, something studio execs don't 
often do, so FM might turn out to be 
a summertime sleeper. 

. 

ХО LAUGHING MATTER: Secrecy on the 
set of Woody Allen's new film wa 
that even top execs at United Artists 
(which bank-rolled the pic) weren’t told 
the nature of the production. “Nobody 
asks any questions,” says one insider. 
“They just give Woody the money and 
Jet him make his picture.” The flick— 
which stars Diane Keaton (ѕигргіѕе!), Mau- 
reen Stapleton, Geraldine Paige, Sam Waterston, 


accord, 


аш 


Allen 
E. 6. Marshall and Richard Jordan (of Cap- 
tains and the Kings fame)—was written 
nd directed by Allen, but Woody isn't 
п this one and, according to our source, 
“there isn't a single laugh in the whole 
film. Maybe a smile or two, but no 
laughs.” Set in Long Island and New 
York City, it’s about family relationships. 
Woody's next film, we're assured, will 

bea comedy. —JOHN BLUMENTHAL 


KGDL SUPER LIGHTS 
IONGS 


No leading Menthol Long is lower in‘tar’* 


59 


Эһ Only Img. tar’ 
And K@ULs 
& refreshing 
satisfaction, 


"One cigarette which made up 
less than 1% of Menthol Longs 
U.S. sales is lower in ‘tar! 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking 15 Dangerous to Your Health. 


9 mg. “tar,” 0 .8 mg. nicotine, av. per cigarette, by FTC method. 


Soft 
Drinks i 


[E 
A AP. М 


Soft Whiskey goes 

great in orange juice. Or in 

= Grapefruit juce. (ме can 
invent them. so сап you!) 


N J| And how about 
f! Soft Whiskey 
"Y^ and pineapple 
J „ішсе? 


Its time you tried whiskey with something 
besides rocks and bubbles. Remember, 
though: Soft drinks for adults always start with 


oft Whiskey. 
alvert Extra. 


AMERICAN WHISKEY—A BLEND - 80 PROOF © 1976 CALVERT DIST. CO.. LOUISVILLE. KY 


=a, 


SELECTED SHORT 


insights and outcries on matters large and small 


A 
“BORN 
HUSTLE 


By Art Buchwald 


Syndicated columnist, author and 
PLAYBOY contributor Art Buchwald re- 
cently wrote this as a column for his many 
readers in “family newspapers” through- 
out the country. Art suggested we publish 
it when it became clear that the Ameri- 
can family wouldn't be thrilled by this 
particular effort. Glad to oblige, Art. 


NO ONE REJOICED more than I did when 
Larry Flynt, the publisher of raunchy 
Husiler magazine, announced he had be- 
come a born-again Christian. The con- 
version of one Larry Flynt is greater than 
10,000 potsmoking college students in 
the battle against Satan, and we Ameri- 
cans should all be happy that Flynt, 
after making a bundle exploiting every 
part of the female and male body, has 
finally found God 

But what worries me is that Flynt said 
he still intends to keep publishing Hus- 
tler, though he will “tone it down" in 
content and pictures. 

The question is, How the heck can 
you tone down a magazine like Hustler 
and still sell it to the millions of people 
in this country who buy it because it ful- 
fills some terrible sadomasochistic need 
over which they have no control? 

1 am uying to imagine an editorial 
conference in Larry Flynt’s office as the 
editors are trying to put their new 
Hustler together. 

Flynt opens the meeting by saying, 
“Let us pray. Dear Lord, guide us in 
putting out new Hustler that will pro- 
у icentiousness and raunchiness 
e made us one of the great suc- 
cesses of the magazine world. At the 
same time, we beseech You not to offend 
the tenets of the Christian faith by 
printing anything that could be consid- 
ered sinful or in bad taste, Amen. Aw 
right, what have we ро 

"Well, Larry, we have this story about 
this girl who was raped by two polar 
bears when she uied to climb а moun- 
Alaska." 

"Why docs it have to be two polar 
bears? Why can't it be one polar bear?" 

“Because the way the story reads now, 
one polar bear holds her down while the 
other polar bear rapes her. It’s more of a 
turn-on. 


“What kind of magazine do you think 
I'm putting out? If we're going to have a 
keep it clean. Take out 


rape story, let’ 


“Which one, Larry? 

"I don't care which one. All polar 
bears look alike. 

"OK, it’s your magazine, but I'm not 
sure our readers are going to like it with 
just one polar bear. It will look as if 
we're copying Cosmopolitan.” 

"Let's get something straight,” Flynt 
says. “Hustler is no longer appealing to 
the prurient interests of its readers.” 
Then what are we appealing to: 
editor asks. 

“The goodness of the human soul. 
What else have you got?” 

“We have a great picture spread of 
four women in leather aprons whipping 
an unfrocked priest.” 

“We can't use it. It’s sick,” Flynt says. 

“Suppose we make the guy a motor- 
cycle policeman 

“That's more like it,” Flynt "No- 
Бойу can take umbrage at that. We'll 
call the spread ‘Penance.’ Make sure you 
put in the caption that the cop is being 
whipped because he gave out a speeding 


an 


ticket to the girls, who were dri 
25 miles an hou 

“Good thinking, Larry. Now our main 
feature is an orgy photographed in the 
intensive-care unit of a hospital. It’s fan- 
tastic, because in the last photo, all the 
re dead, but they have smiles 
сез.” 

It sounds a little salacious to me, 
Flynt says. 

How can we save it?” the photo 
editor asks. 

"Touch up the photos and wipe the 
smiles off the patients’ faces. Show them 
in the throes of agony. Our message is if 
you're going to participate in an orgy, 
you're going to have to face the conse- 
quences 
Right, Lary. Now, for the front of 
the book, we have these two gorgeous 
women who are nude on the top of a 
Greyhound bus апа" 

“Throw it out. J want the front of the 

book for myself.” 
What for 
My first article for the new Hustler 
philosophy feature is titled, ‘The Lord 
Is My Shepherd, but I Don't Mess with 
His Sheep.” 


ng only 


PLAYBOY 


50 


The new Fiat 2 year, 
24,000 mile Warranty. 


Longer than Toyota, 
Datsun,Volkswagen, 


Honda,Chevette, 


Fiat now offers a longer power train 
warranty than any of these imported or 
domestic cars. 

We give you the same basic warranty 
as everybody else for the first 12 months. 

But now we've added a warranty to 
cover the engine, transmission, and drive 
train for the next 12 months or 12,000 miles. 

So basically, you're covered for just 
about anything that could go wrong the first 
year and you're covered for transmission, 
drive train and most engine parts the second 
year. 

How can we do this? 

Well, it wasn't as simple as just changing 
some numbers on some paper. 

We've spent millions of dollars and 
engineering hours over the last few years 
making Fiats more reliable and dependable. 
What we've come out with is a Fiat that's not 
only a pleasure to drive; it's so dependable 
and so reliable, it's also a pleasure to own. 
Your Fiat dealer can put you in one fora test 
drive. And he can also show you the details 
of our new warranty and how it differs from 
those of other cars. 

Here's How You Are Protected. 

Fiat Motors of North America, Inc. will 
warrant to the retail purchaser each part of 
each new 1978 Fiat except tiresand batteries 
to be free, under normal use and service, 
from defect in material and workmanship 
for 12,000 miles or 12 months from the date 
of delivery, whichever event shall first 

occur. The transmission, drive train and 
most engine parts will be warranted for a 
total of 24,000 miles or 24 months from date 


iesta. 


of delivery, whichever event occurs first. Any 
part found to be defective will be replaced or 
repaired at the option of Fiat. See your Fiat 
dealer for exact terms of the Fiat Motors 

of North America, Inc. Warranty. 


GG 


First we improved the car. 
Then we improved the warranty. 


THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 


This problem may not be unique, but as 
far as I'm concerned, it might as well be. 
Y'm disturbed by the fact that it takes me 
an inordinate amount of time to achieve 
orgasm when my wile and I have inter- 
course. Whats more, sive for one time 
(I neglected to jot down the date, time 
and atmospheric conditions), 1 have never 
been able to achieve orgasm from oral sex. 
And this is The Age of the Blow Job! 
What disturbs me most about this condi- 
tion is that it takes me almost no time at 
all to achieve orgasm when I masturbate 
Is this problem physical or psychological? 
What can I do about it? It would be пісе 
if І could climax within a reasonable 
time —C. M.. Nashville, Tennessee. 

This is “The Age of the Blow Job”? 
We're always getting those Chinese New 
Years confused. Oh, well. You don't have 
that much of a problem. It’s obvious that 
you require fairly rough handling in order 
to achieve orgasm. (Nothing like a case of 
dishpan hands to get someone off.) In 
comparison. intercourse and fellatio are 
fairly mild forms of stimulation. You 
could ask your wife to combine manual 
and oral—that might whip you into 
shape. During intercourse, have her reach 
down and give you a few strokes with her 
hand. As for duration: When it comes to 
sex, there is no such thing as reasonable 
time. 


Ест since Т got one of those home 
video games for Christmas, I've been 
Dlissed out every night watching that 
frustrating little blip elude my electronic 
paddle. 1 think the game board is per- 
manently etched on my brain. My ques- 
tion is, can the use of this game damage 
my TV? (My brain is already shot)— 
M. L., San Francisco, California. 

If you have a color TV, you're in 
good shape. But if you have a black- 
andwhite TV, more than your brain 
may get etched. Some of those popular 
games have been known 10 become im- 
printed on a black-and-white screen afier 
100 to 200 hours of use. The culprit is 
the high-modulation (brightness) setting 
of the game itself. Color-television sets 
will be affected only after about 350 
hours of continuous play. You can re- 
duce the chance of this happening by 
choosing games with constantly chang- 
ing luminance or automatic shutoff fea- 
tures. You should also first adjust your 
picture on a broadcast channel before 
switching to the game channel. That will 
give you low-brightness whites and gray 
rather than blacks. Above all, don't leave 
the game on for extended periods of 
time. Most complaints of imprinting 
have come from TV dealers who leave 
sels on in showrooms for days. As for 


the brain damage to which you refer, 
you can get thal just as easily from regu- 
lar programing. The choice is yours. 


Hiap. г caught between a rock and a 
hard place. I need your advice. A while 


back, I began dating a very beautiful 
waitress. She spent lots of time with me. 


One Sunday night while we were togeth- 
er, my ex-girlfriend suddenly waltzed into 
my apartment. using her own key, I was 
shocked, confused and not at my best. I 
let my date leave and spent the next half 
hour fighting with my ex. I realized my 
mistake almost immediately. After she 
left, 1 called the waitress and was po- 
litely told to get lost. T want her back, 
What should 1 do?—B. L., Los Angeles, 
Californi: 

Rule number one: Never give out keys 
to your apartment. Rule number two: Al- 
ways give the one you're with your total 
attention. If the phone rings, don't answer 
it. Better yel, disconnect the damn thing. 
Cancel all of your magazine subscriptions. 
A bird in the hand, . . . We don't under- 
stand why you tolerated the invasion by 
your ex-girlfriend or why you let her stay. 
Unless, perhaps, you get off on fighting 
and miss the discord. As for rebuilding 
your relationship with the waitress—be 
patient. Persevere, 


The timited space in my apartment and 
the limited funds in my bank account 
have resulted in my purchasing a pair of 
bookshelf speakers for my sterco. Unfor- 
tunately, I don't get the same booming 


sound that Гуе enjoyed listening to on 
friends’ more expensive and larger speak- 
ers. Is there some way I can improve the 
bass response without laying out more 
bread?—R. B., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. 

There is a way, but it depends more on 
your relationship with your neighbors 
than on electronic wizardry. The first 
thing to remember is that speakers do not 
act by themselves. Their response is also 
a function of тоот acoustics. The shape 
of the room, furniture, draperies, book- 
shelves, rugs all affect the sound you are 
getting. А clean, bare room will favor the 
higher frequencies, making the sound of 
your speakers harsh. Plush draperies and 
carpeting tend 10 absorb sound and you'll 
find you need more volume to make up 
for il. You can get more bass by taking 
your speakers off the bookshelf and plac- 
ing them on the floor, preferably in 
corners. In a rectangular room, they 
should be placed along a short wall, 
projecting their sound the length of 
the room. Of course, this may involuc 
moving some furniture for optimum lis 
1enability. And, as we mentioned, it may 
also involve your neighbors, because ай 
those rich, deep bass notes you will be 
getting could be just so much window- 
rattling noise to them. 


[Кок wisdom claims that in spring, a 
young man’s fancy lightly turns to 
thoughts of love. The other night, a few 
of my friends and 1 were comparing an- 
niversaries and we discovered that most 
of us had met our companions in the 
fall, Are we just exceptions to the rule?— 
J. P., Hartford, Connecticut. 

Are you German? A German scientist 
recently conducted a survey of 1000 mar- 
ried couples and found that 53 percent 
had met and fallen in love in the aw 
tumn. According to a report from the 
Zodiac News Service, another research 
team discovered that a majority of di- 
vorces—some 62  percent—struck vo- 
mances that had begun in the spring. 
The explanation may be chemical. You 
can blame it on raging hormonal influ- 
ences. A male produces more testosterone 
in the fall, less in the spring. Maybe we 
should hibernate. 


Dam currently a freshman at Dartmouth 
llege. Not long ago, 1 was pre 
paring a paper in a secluded section of 
the stacks of our large 1,000,000-volume 
library. A rather attractive female class. 
mate saw me working and came over to 
see how I was doing. She knelt next to 
me and started talking about our mutual 
assignment. Soon, 1 felt her fingers ca- 
ressing my thigh. Before I realized what 


E 


PLAYBOY 


52 


was happening, she unzipped my fly and 
withdrew my fully extended member. I 
am rather well endowed and I could 
see her eyes light up with excitement as 
her snakclike tongue teased the head of 
my cock. She then proceeded to take me 
fully into her warm mouth and bring 
me to the most shuddering climax I have 
ever experienced. A few days later, we 
engaged in actual intercourse in a little- 
used cubicle in the computer center. 
The girl seems to be getting more and 
more brazen with her suggestions, Is she 
abnormal in making such outlandish 
proposals or am I overinhibited in feel- 
ing uncomfortable at playing this wild 
game? I really have become attached to 
this girl and do not want to lose her. 
What should I doz—B. G., Hanover, 
New Hampshire. 

We didn't know that Dartmouth had 
such a good creative-wriling program. 
Does it accept graduate students? Ah, 
well, down to cases: Your girlfriend is in 
critical condition and requires immedi- 
ale attention. Our calendar is clear. 
Send her lo Chicago. The address is 
printed below. No, really, she sounds 
perfectly fine, Give her some tender, lov- 
ing care and you won't have to worry 
about losing her. You may flunk out, but 
what the hell. 


This may or may not be a pertinent, 
provocative query, but I've got to 
know the answer. What makes knuck- 
Jes crack?— T. R., Seattle, Washington. 
Anything for a reader, The same ques- 
tion apparently provoked a group of 
British scientists. They took 17 volun- 
teers, hooked them up to a finger-crack- 
ing machine and took X rays. They saw 
the following: As the bones of the finger 
joints are pulled apart, a fluid fills the 
gap. Air bubbles form, then collapse in 
the low pressure, producing the snap 
crackle and pop. Ah, British ingenuity! 


Е. уос who travels abroad returns 
with a story about some Zorba the Greck 
character h Well, old 
y such 
acqu nas 
Smitten cum bye pn c Vets 
American orchestra. We did Latin and 
Dixieland gigs on weekends. somcthi 
to divert the monotony of Beethova 
Mañanaland. Migucl a grandfather of 
about 55, always lined up a couple of 
scuzzy fat whores for relaxation after the 
show. One day, he was bragging about 
how he'd fucked those two uglies at home, 
with his wile in the next room, until the 
gas came out of their eyeballs. Super 
macho, Great. But didn't he ever f 
getting el clapo on his instrumento? 
Or even worse? Miguel had an answer for 
everything. Lemons. He said that a doctor 
had told him to rub lemon on “el grande 
weapon" after sex and no problems. So 
there was Miguel outside the orchestra 


hall, bargaining with a street. vendor for 
а sack of lemons. Long weekend coming 
up. What about it? Does rubbing lemon 
juice on one’s genitals prevent arabs and 
spirochetes?—R. K., New York, New York. 
ʻo. But it will keep “el grande weap- 
on" from tuning brown. 


V never thought 1 would be writing to 
The Playboy Advisor for help, but, to be 
frank, my girlfriend and 1 are at a loss 
for an answer. We have been together 
for a id both enjoy sex. She 
mentioned to me the other might that 
she can't tell when I have an orgasm, and 
admits that she has been bothered by this 
problem since we started having sex. She 
doesn't feel me pulsating inside her when 
I dimax. Now I'm bummed out. I think 
that | am not isfying her. There is 
nothing more embarrassing than hav 
a girl ask if you're finished yet. Do I need 
a doctor, or should I just give up sexi— 
M. R, Atlanta, Georgi. 

Relax. There's. nothing wrong with 
you. Most women can't feel the male or 
gasm for the simple reason that the inner 
wells of the vagina are devoid of 
nerve endings. We suggest that you resort 
lo a more direct means of communica- 
tion. Shoot off a flare gun when you cli- 
max or sing a few bars of “Ode to Joy 
Let your fingernails grow long and rake 
them across her back in the throes of 
orgasm. Tear oul your hair. Faint. Or 
simply moan a few words of endearment 
(eg. “Oh, God, am І still alive?"). Be 
demonstrative. And one more thing—an 
orgasm does nol necessarily mean that 
you are finished. 


V have heard about a copying machine 
that is so good it сап actually repro- 
duce money. It occurred to me that 
such a machine could do a lot of dam- 
age to the economy (in any other hands 
but mine, of course). Are there laws 
inst copying certain kinds of mate- 
money included?—T. C., Chicago, 
nois. 

There is a law on the books that cov- 
ers the money-copying problem. H's the 
one against counterfeiting, of which the 
Treasury Department takes а very dim 
view, whether by old or new technology. 
But there is also a law just put into effect 
that covers a variety of the same kinds 
of problems. H was prompted not only 
by the proliferation of copiers but also 
by the casy availability of home audio 
and video-tape recorders. Other law 
including the first comprehensive copy- 
right law since 1909, cover just about any 
copy-for-profit. scheme you can think 
of. That includes anything that even 
remotely smacks of money, coupons, 
bonds, stock certificates, stamps (can- 
celed or uncanceled), money orders, 
etc. The copying of legal papers, 
including passports, identification cards 
or badges, immigration documents and 


the like, is also taboo. Of course, piral- 
ing of commercial recordings is clearly 
out and video-taping of TV shows is be- 
ing looked into as a possible violation 
of copyrights, The basis of the copyright 
law is obviously (о prevent someone 
from making money by selling another's 
work, but it’s not as simple as il seems, 
For instance, publishers make money by 
providing copies of specific works in great 
quantities. By copying a passage [rom a 
book, you deprive the publisher of the 
normal purchase price and the writer 
of his royalties. Lifting your favorite 
TV show from the screen means the 
stalion cannot sell advertising {or your 
home rerun. It may be hard to work up 
much sympathy for them, but you must 
remember that such capitalism ts what 
made this country great. As the law is 
wrilten, a copyright goes into effect the 
moment a work is created. It need not 
be registered with the copyright office. 
In general, the copyright stands for 
the life of the creator, plus 50 years. 
Prison sentences for violations are not 
quite that long, but you should be aware 
that reproduction, whether electronic or 
biological, has far-reaching consequences. 


Ore of the local newscasts featured an 
item on the U. S. Army's attempt to 
charge a WAC bee she had married 
x a woman who had 
become a man. I must admit, I can't 
figure out how they perform that opera 
n. What are the details?—J. J. Swan- 
„ Massachusetts. 

A series of operations is required to 
transform a female into a male. After a 
program of hormone therapy, the patient 
undergocs a double mastectomy and a 
radical hysterectomy. The final stage— 
the creation of a pen the most 
difficult. Skin from the hip, abdomen 
and thigh is used to construct an 
artificial organ. So far, surgeons have 
been unable to build a penis that func 
tions normally. The patient must decide 
whether he wants to use the organ for 
urination or for sex. Most transsexuals 
opt for the latter. The improvised penis 
is the size of an erection. To copulate, the 
transsexual inserts a rod. (He has to 
urinate sitting down.) АП of this may 
sound like more trouble than it's worth, 
bul to a female who feels trapped in the 
wrong bedy, the operation offers an op- 
portunity for a life with some semblance 
of normalcy. 


——is 


АП reasonable questions—from fash- 
ion, food and drink, stereo and sports cays 
to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette— 
will be personally answered if the writer 
includes a stamped, self-addressed en- 
velope. Send all letters to The Playboy 
Advisor, Playboy Building, 919 N. Michi- 
gan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611. The 
most provocative, pertinent queries will 
be presented on these pages cach month. 


Oh yes you сап! 


THE EXPERIENCED PHOTOGRAPHER CAN: 


You can concentrate on the creativity of 
your shol, because our engineers have 
concentrated on the flawless operation о! 


the ON-1 and OM-2 

For instance, OM cameras offer you 
the worlds fastest continuous view motor 
drive capability: five frames per second! 

Other SLRs have mirrors that cantre 
spond as fast as the OM-1 or ОМ- 
‘On many of nem you even nave to lock 
up the mirror, soyouhaveto shoo! blind 

(Even our less expensive Rapid 
Winder is faster than many other more Ё 
Costly motor drive systems!) 

So that you can journey into the 
worlds of macro and photomicrogı 
phy, and more, the OM cameras аме. 
you a choice of го less than 13 in 
terchangeable focusing screens. No 
longer are you limited by a choce of 
either microprism or split screen 

And while were talking capability. 
neres a significant tact the OM 
Systemistherostextensive andver. 
satile in the world, with more com: 
pact lenses and components that 
add to your creativity. 

In the OM-2, "OTF--Off-The-Fim 
Light Measurementallows thecam- 
eratoreadthelight reflected off the 
lim and sets the exposure while 
the photograph is actually being 
taken! 

Other automatic 51.95 set ex- 
posure before the photograph is 
Taken, and the Camera locks il i 
memory. This leaves room for e: 
ror, due to exposure lag. 

The OM-2 also hasa totally in 
tegrated flash system. the cam. 
ега automatically controls the 
flash utilizing the same ‘OTF 
light sensors, assuring perfect 
exposure with all lenses from 
telephoto to wide angle al any 
tstop 

The OM2 with “OTF” Light 
Measurement reads the light, 
and shuts off the flash at the 
precise millisecond for per. 
fect exposure 

No wonder more people in- 
volved in photography аге 
buying an Oympus camera 
than агу other compact SLR 

So take the time 10 discuss 
the advancements of the OM 
cameras with your Olympus 


dealer 
Think you can't afford an 
OM camera? Oh yes you сап. 


M OLYMPUS, Woodbury, New York 11797. 


THE WEEKEND PHOTOGRAPHER CAN: 


You can take beautiful. creative shots 
of your family, vacations, or your 
wildest creams. 

Because our engineers have 
done alll the technical thinking, so. 
you сап doll the creating. 

The OM cameras let you cap. 

lure unbelievably creative shots by 
just focusing and shooting. 

You can Capture a fest action se- 


quence ol your child nding a bike, 


sliding into home plate, orinaballet 
performance. 

You can get creative with flash 
photography. You don't have Io set 


the aperture, shutter speed, or cal- 


culate the distance: the OM-2 does 
it all. You can catch a surprise shot 
without worrying about under or over. 
exposures 
You can even experiment with 
lenses, because the OM cameras are 
part of the most extensive compact 
SLR system, with lenses that let you fill 


a shot with a buttertly, or bring a moun- 


tain top up close. And interchangeable 


focusing screens to help make focus- 


ing easier and your shots sharper 
Drop by an Olympus dealer and hold. 
Опе of our cameras in your hands. Let 
your mind wander. Think about that shot 
You think you cant get 
Oh yes you can, with an Olymp 
White for descriptive literature: 


O С 


O.P 


OLYMPUS 


The fastest selling compact SLR. 
The whole world cant be wrong 


53 


The words "Levi's" and “Panatela” are registered trademarks of LevíStraüSs & СО. San Francisco. ©1978, Levi Strauss & Со. 


i, № | | 


PANATELA SEPARATES. 
YOU'LL STAND OUT FROM THE HERD 
WITHOUT GETTING FLEECED. 


8 


* 


Obviously the herd hasn't heard. 
But good taste, sound construction, and 
individual flair can be combined with eminently сап build a wardrobe that fits both your 
affordable prices. For instance: the entire taste and your physical dimensions. 
hopsack weave outfit shown (Panatela slacks, Panatela Separates. Because only a sheep 
jacket, and vest) costs far less than many dresses in sheep's clothing. 


Levis 


SPORTSWEAR 


Quality never goes out of style. 


THE PLAYBOY SEX POLL 


an informal survey of current sexual attitudes, behavior and insights 


King David and King Solomon 
Led merry, merry lives, 
With many, many ladyfriends 
And many, many wives. 


What this cheerful old verse left out is 
that because of their zealous licentious- 
ness, both of those potentates also had a 
hell of a lot of kids. Lucky they were 
Kings—only the megaw 
port such an enormous brood, Lack of 
money is опе of the key factors why more 
men throughout the centuries didn't set 
up multiplemate households. Instead, 
monogamy became the pillar of our sex- 
ual Laws. But will this connubial conven- 
tion last? As а result of the pill and the 
anything-gocs spirit that took root in the 
Sixties, an increasing number of erotic 
explorers have been sampling living ar- 
rangements other than just one male with 
one female. 

Now anyone who has dreamed about 
living with more than one lover can try 
it—if he can figure out what it is he wants 
to try. There's polygamy. Polyandry. Big- 
amy. And who knows what else. We de- 
cided to find out just what alternate 
relationships people most fantasized 
about, We asked 100 men and 100 women 
to reveal their version of an ideal sexual 
living arrangement, and also what they 
thought the opposite sex would come up 
with. In addition, we invited PLAvnov 
readers to submit their own answers. 


thy could sup- 


LADIES, WHAT KIND OF 
SEXUAL SITUATION DO YOU 
THINK MOST MEN WOULD 
LIKE TO SET UP AS THEIR 
IDEAL LIVING 
ARRA MENT? 


Forty-three percent of the women 
guessed that most men were turned on by 
the thought of living with a group of 
women: “In my experience, men who set 
up housekeeping with a woman almost 
always wind up letting her do everything 
necessary to take care of the couple, and 
usually they split up because tasks haven't 
otten shared equally. Sexually speaking, 
the same thing goes for their cock. Меп 
probably crave many girls sharing big 
fancy digs somewhere. All he'd have to do 
is lie back and get serviced in every way.” 


Thirty-two percent of the women be- 
lieved that men fantasized about living 
with two women in a classic ménage: “I've 
never gone with a guy who didn't try to 
get anothe 

fuck, so I'd imagine most men would 
arrange a permanent ménage à trois, if 
we'd let them. 

Eleven percent of the women thought 
that a lot of guys would prefer living in 
seeming monogamy with the double 
standard: “Most men like to put things 
over on their lovers. It makes them feel 
smarter. So 1 think plenty of them arc 
going to pick the same old one on one, 
but with their mate being faithful while 
he gets to slyly play outside and ball 
whoever he wants," 

Seven percent of the women figured 
that guys would find a couples situation 
very exciting: "In our crazy economy, 
money doesn’t go very far anymore. 1 
believe the majority of men you're going 
10 ask would like a couples situation, so 


gir involved in a three-way 


that the other guy's salary, which is usually 
much higher than women's, anyway. 
would help give all four people an easier 
time with everything. Group sex would be 
just an extra dividend.” 

Seven percent of the women guessed 
that the men wanted open relationships 
where they and their lovers were free to 
have outside allairs, either openly or in 
secret: “There's a real double-standard 
guilt trip that's finally affected a lot of 
men, so Т think from here on, we're going 
to sce more and more of them perfectly 
willing to let their lovers cast their nets 
for casual affairs, as much as guys do.” 


MEN, IF YOU COULD SET 
UP YOUR IDEAL SEXUAL 
LIVING ARRANGEMENT, 

WHAT WOULD IT B. 


Thirty-five percent of the men said 
they'd want to live with a group of 
women: “Myself and four ladies, Two 
would work and support the rest of us, 
while I'd screw them a couple of times 
a week to keep them happy. (They'd 
have low sex drives.) Then one would 
be in charge of the house— 
chef, cleaner, mender, laundry lass. She. 
100. wouldu't be all that libidinous and 
I'd have to lay her only two-three times 
a week. The fourth one would be an in- 
cedibly sexy. continuously horny chick 
with big tits, long legs, a tight ass and 
the hungriest cunt in the world that was 
always shoving itself down on my dick. 
She and 1 would fuck constantly. 

Twenty-three percent of the men chose 
living in a ménage with wo women: "In 
two separate. periods of my life, I man 
aged to arrange a situation where two 
gals roomed with me at the same time for 
about six months. It was great while it 
lasted. The fucking was cosmic. Once, 1 
tied three, but the psychological stress, 
plus the sexual gymnastics, was just too 
complex. It fizzled in a few weeks, so for 
me, I could only manage a real long time 
with two." 

"Теп percent of the men wanted to live 
with а woman who would be faithful bur 
who would allow them to do anything on 
the side: “Yeah, ГИ admit it. I've got the 
double standard. I'd be insanely jealous 
if I knew the lady I shacked up with was 


gourmet 


55 


PLAYBOY 


ICELANDIC 
EUROPE 


ROUNDTRIP FROM ПЕШ VDRH. 


Sce your travel agent. 
Write Dept. # PY4 
Icelandic Airlines. РО. Box 105, 

West Hempstead, N.Y, 11552 

Call 800-555-1212 (WATS Information) 
for toll-free number in your ar 


ADDRESS 


ROUNDTRIP FROM CHICAGO. 


This is lower than any other airlines’ 
comparable APEX fare: 

Icelandic Airlines, pioneer of low. 
fares to Europe, brings you the lowest 
M to 45 day AP fare any day of the 
week, from New York with a CON- 
FIRMED seat to Luxembourg, in the 
heart of Europe 

You simply reserve and pay for your 
ticket at least 45 days prior to depar- 
ture. Adda surcharge of $15 each way 
for travel on weekends. 

‘These Basic Season fares are good 
through May 31, 1978. 


Berinning June 1, 1978, Icelandic will 
be introducing an amazingly low sum- 
mer APEX fare to Luxembourg. $345 


roundtrip from New York and $3 
from Chicago. 

You'll enjoy Icelandic because even 
at these low prices, we don't skimp on 
in-flight service. 

For full details, conditions, and our 
other low fares, see your travel agent, 
mail the coupon, or call today. Fares 
subject to change and government 
approval. 


Icelandic 


Lowest jet fares to the heart of E 
of any scheduled airline. 


affairs on the side. But she 
shouldn't mind if I did. After all, sex 
for a man isn't so emotional." 

Seven percent of the men said that a 
couples situation was very exciting: "I 
love the idea of an even number of men 
and women—maybe four duos sharing 
опе huge mansion, We'd pool our money 
nd our Бойе ach man would have 
his steady mate, but we'd all of us, gals 
nd guys, be free to ball whoever else 
we wanted, with no hassles from the rest 
of the group.” 

The rest of the sample gave a variety 
of answers. Six percent of the men were 
turned on by the thought of living with 
onc woman while both partners were 
free to have outside affairs, while an- 
other six percent of the men fantasized 
about bigamy. 

Five percent of the men felt their ideal 
would be two guys living with one wom- 
an, while five percent of the men liked 
the idea of communal arrangements. 

Only three percent of the men wanted 
both a wife and a mistress: “Through 
the centurics, the concept of guys’ having 
mistresses must have worked, or that 
form of playing around would have dis- 
appeared.” 


MEN, WHAT KIND OF SEXUAL 
SITUATION DO YOU THINK 
MOST WOMEN WOULD LIKE 
TOSET UP AS THEIR IDEAL 

LIVING ARRANGEMENT? 


= =  — 

Forty percent of rhe men guessed that 
the majority of women were turned on by 
the thought of living with a group of 
men: “Bet you they want some sort of 
Snow White and the Seven Studs arrange 
ment. Big, handsome guys with huge. 
tireless cocks. Each one goes out to work 
every day. So she keeps house for them 
big deal. Look what she gets at night! T 
think women would really love that sense 
of power." 

Twenty-five percent of the men be- 
lieved that women fantasized about living 
with two men in a triangle: “When 1 was 
younger, I got drawn into living with a 

xarried couple. It lasted about six months 
nd was absolutely tenific. We all fucked 
in ways I never thought existed. The wife 
told me every woman in the world des- 
perately craves that same thing. 

Twenty-three percent of the men felt 
t most women wanted to live with one 
n and one other woman: "I've always 
fdt that virtually all women were secret 
Iesbians, Many gals I've met have been 
incredibly eager to leap into bed with me 
and my girlfriend." 

Twelve percent of the men thought 


[i 


m 


that a lot of women would prefer living 
with a man who was faithful, while they 
played around secretly on the side. 


LADIES, IT YOU COULD SET 
UP YOUR IDEAL SEXUAL 
LIVING ARRANGEMENT, 

WHAT WOULD IT BE? 


Twenty-five percent of the women 
that a permanent “double date" was very 
exciting: “I've been screwed by two men 
at once. A girlfriend and myself have 
often done the guy. Neither of these sit- 
uations is ever very smooth. You know 
it just gets too unbalanced and competi- 
tive, My perfect living arrangement 
would be me and my lover and another 
couple. Two on two is much more stable.” 

Twenty-one percent of the women said 
they'd want to live with a group of men 

Me and two guys. Maybe even three or 
four. For starters, I'd choose males with 
totally different personalities. Then Га 
tease them constantly every day and keep 
them hot for my cunt. Bur the rule of the 
house would be mo fucking except on 
Saturday night. If any of them caused 
trouble during the week, they'd only be 
allowed to watch.” 

Nineteen percent of the women chose 
living with two men: 
heaven if I could convince two guys 
to permanently move in with me Not 
just any men. Obviously, I picture them 
to be very handsome. They'd also 1 
to be completely straight—not pay. But 
they'd be so totally in love with me 
that not only would they be willing to do 
anything to my body that 1 desired but 
because they knew I was turned on by 
watching them make love to cach other, 
they'd get into homosexual fucking, too." 

Fourteen. percent of the women said 
they'd live with one man while both part- 
ners were free to have outside alfairs: 
“I'm actually acting out my ideal sexual 
relationship. My male roommate is also 
my best friend and bedmute. But that 
doesn't stop us from screwing around out 
side the apartment. Sometimes а few 
weeks go by, neither of us sees anybody 
else. Other times, we're barely ever home, 
so active аге our love alfairs.” 

Eight percent of the women felt their 
ideal would be two women living with one 
guy. 


1 


Га be in seventh 


Four percent of the women were in 
tigued with communal situations: “How 
about a sexual couples commu 
it did work? Oh, maybe 
really liked one another but who looked 
very different and were involved in as- 
sorted projects. Not only would we then 
have a continuous variety of intellectual 


where 
pairs who 


RUM REVELATIONS. 
SSP SSE 


Surprising facts every rum drinker should know. 


Ah, whatrum drinkers 
don'tknowaboutrum. 
So Муетѕ5 thinks it's 
time toraise some 


eyebrows. 


The first fact of rum. 
Rum comes in three 
shades: white, gold, and 
dark. Some light rums are 
blended to have abarely 
noticeable taste. Their 
flavor might fade in the 
drink. But Myers's is 
blended specially to be 
more flavorful. The Myers's 
comes through the mixer. 


Another surprise. 

Dark rum isn't any stronger than 
light rum. Both are the same 
alcoholic proof. So Myers's isn't any 
stronger, even though it hes а 
tastier rum flavor. 


More revelations. 
Myers'sis more expensive. It's 


imported from Jamaica where it's 


made slowly, in small batches. 
The richer taste is worth the time. 
Денет 


Still another little known fact. 
Caribbean bartenders mix Myerss 
into exotic drinks made with 
lighter rums. They trust Myers's 


toenhance the flavor. Sodiscover | withice. Add orange slice, cherry. 


for yourself the dash that Myerss 
adds to a simple Rum & Cola. The 


Myers’s Rum and Cola: 
Into a highball glass, add 1}; oz. 
Myers’s Rum. Fillglass with cola 
3 beverage. Add slice oflemon or 
extra punch Myerss adds to a lime, and stir. 
Planters’ Punch. Here are the 
recipes for your pleasure. 


Myers’s Planters’ Punch: 
Gmie nde Sen tto 
juice, juice of 4 lemon orlime, 
1302. Myers’. Add 1 tsp. superfine 
sugar and dash of grenadine. Shake 
well and serve in tall glass filled 


And finally, one last point. 
Dark rum is better to usein 
cooking than light rum. Myers's 
addsa fuller rum flavor to foods. 
Try sprinkling Муегѕѕ over 
grapefruit halves. It’s a simple way 


to create an interesting first course. 
Myers's makes so many rum recipes 
even more delicious. 

So now that you know the facts, 
your choice should be clear: 
My Rum. 

Because if you like rum, it's ime 
you discovered the pleasures that 
wait for you in the dark. 


(WORLD FAMOUS 
1MPORTED 


Next to Myers's 
All other Rums 
Seem Pale. 


Imported by Seagram Distillers Co., 375 Park Avenue, New York, М.Ү. 10022, 80 Proof. 


PLAYBOY 


possibilities but our bodies would explore 

T nother in many ways, I mean, just 

think —maybe one night I could be fuck- 

VIVI AR ing all si Another night, me and 
two women, wi 


the men watched.” 


‘The rest of the women wanted to live 
with one man, in an essentially monoga- 
mous relationship, while maintaining an 
option to fool around—by inviting third 

тм partis to join them occasionally, by in- 
Z F dulging in secret affairs or by attending 
swing sessions. 
00M LASH Summary: Thinking about the many 
[| discussions we had with the participants 
in our poll, we began to wonder why, il 
such a vast number of them had been 
harboring a desire to try a multiple- 
p g arrangement, they had 
never actually brought this wish to frui- 
tion. Our pollees were perplexed. Even 
those who claimed to have had this fan- 
азу quite strongly since childhood were 
unable to explain why they had never at- 
tempted to carry it out. 

We spoke with Dr. John Money, who's 

a professor of medical psychology at Johns 
[|] Hopkins University. "One of the rcasons 


Just as a zoom lens lets you control the size of the area you photograph, Y 3 Rede " T її EA 

Vivitars new Zoom Flash lets you control the area you light. That means a (fme tete estre cita ts 

whole new world of creative possibilities. taboo. Everyone is so indoctrinated with 
You can zoom from 24* mm wide angle flash coverage through 


and 
normal to 85mm telephoto. whichever matches the lens on your camera the tremendous guilt he 


The Vivitar 265 Zoom Flash gives you your choice: "set-and-forget’ would feel in breaking this pattern re- 
the easy no calculating automatic operation, or manual control. A special strains him from taking the first step. 
Vivitar circuit saves you money because it gets the maximum number People Ох k 

of flashes from your batteries. And the low priced Vivitar 265 Zoom Flash ageold tradition, but they're typically 
fits most popular 35mm cameras. See it at your Vivitar dealer and doing i 1 


irs, which are much less threatening 
to the basic structure we've grown up 


discover the new creative possibilities with Zoom Flash photography. 


*\чиһ adapter included with 265 


with. 
Too. 1 King David and King 5010. 
mon not still alive so we could ask 


them to give us their expert. firsthand 

ions. Perhaps we can surmise what 
iswers would be. For the last lines 
of that old verse go like this: 


But when old age crept over them— 
With many, many qualms, 

King Solomon wrote the Proverbs 
And King David wrote the Psalms. 


An invilation to readers: We are cur- 
rently working on a poll that investi- 
ates the sexual rites of passage of 
ans, We are curious about the 


. > 5 
events that shaped your carnal attitudes. 
IV аг No doubt, you all remember your first 
e time. But what other adventures. shook 


265 Zoom Flash you to your roots? Our questions are 


these: What was the most important 
Vivitar Corporation, 1630 Stewart St sexual landmark in your life, other tha 
Santa Monica, Calilornia 90406. e 
In Canada: Vivitar Canada Lid./Liée 


@Vivitar Corporation, 1977 


our virginity? What kind of ex- 
ice—other than the loss of virgin- 
ity—would become 
opposite sex? (Obviously, virgins need 
not reply.) Send your answers to: The 
Playboy Reader Sex Poll, 919 North 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 
60611. 

—uowakb хити asp Lestie nanus ED 


The1980 Kenwoods. 


No. Were not kidding. By 1980, the kind of 
performance these new Kenwoods deliver will be 
considered commonplace. Heres a summary: 

1. The KA-7100 is an integrated DC amplifier with 
dual power supplies delivering 60 watts per channel, 
minimum RMS at 8 ohms from 20-20k Hz. with no 
more than 0.02% total harmonic distortion. Not only 
is that the lowest THD of any integrated amp. the 
KA-7100 is the lowest priced DC integrated amp on 
the market. ($300*) 

2. The KT-7500 marks the next plateau for FM 
tuners. For optimum reception under any condition 
it has two independent IF bands: the narrow band 
virtually eliminating interference when stations are 
close together, the wide band for lower distortion 
and maximizing stereo separation. In addition, weve 
developed new circuitry which eliminates the high 


frequency beat distortion (that is. swishing noises) 
thought to be inherent in stereo FM broadcast. Even 
were impressed that it costs only $275* 

This combination of separate amp and tuner 
not only gives you performance unheard of in other 
separate components, it gives you performance 
that will remain elusive in receivers for quite a while. 

The Kenwood KA-7100 and KT-7500. Solid 
evidence that the breakthroughs occurred ahead of 
schedule. and available to you now for a truly 
remarkable price. $575" for the pair. 


*Nationally advertised value. Actual prices are established by 
Kenwood dealers. Handles optional 


KENWOOD 


For the Kenwood Deater nearest you, see your Yellow Pages, 
or wrile Kenwood, 15777 S. Broadway, Gardena, CA 90248 


59 


© эла-к Renous TORACCO CO. 


“I have 


myown ideas 
about smoking? 


"I know what I like out that really gives 
of life. And one of the “йо me cigarette taste 
things I like is smoking. and satisfaction. 


PLAYBOY 


But theres no getting "And the 
away from the stories I Vantage filter is 
keep hearing about ciga- especially neat 
rettes and high tar. because it's firm 
“There's also no get- yet easy drawing. 
ting away from why I “As far as 


smoke. I smoke for the 


‘Vantage goes, my 
pleasure of it. For the taste. 


mind is made up. 


And for enjoying a ciga- And that's just the 
Eum after my long day as a way lI like it.” 
teacher. 5 
“Then at night when I LA Labang 
Mike Barbano 


work my other job—as a 
drummer—I enjoy lighting 
up between sets. Its part of 
the way I live. 

“For me, the dilemma was 
how to find a cigarette that 
could give metaste without high 
tar. And that was quite a dilemma. 

“Which is why I appreciate 
Vantage as much as I do. It's the 
only low-tar cigarette I've found 
(and I've tried several other brands) 


Atlanta, Georgia 


Regular, Menthol, 


and Vantage 1005. 
ө 
Vantage. A lot of taste without alot of tar. 
Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined FILTER: 11 mg. “ter”, 0.7 mg. nicotine, 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. MENTHOL: 11 mg. "tar", 0.8 mg. nicotine, ау. per cigarette, FTC Report AUG. 77; 
60 FILTER 100's: 11 mg. "tar", 0.9 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC method. 


THE PLAYBOY FORUM 


a continuing dialog on contemporary issues between playboy and its readers 


PURITAN POISON 

Bravo to С. Peterson for pointing out 
the follies of puritanism (The Playboy 
Forum, November). The apparent evils 
of sex—rape. child molesting, etc—are 
perpetrated by people to whom normal 
sexual satisfaction has been denied. Who 
has denied it? The blame must be laid 
at the feet of the repressionists who reluse 
to believe that the world will work with- 
out interference from them. They're like 
the man who tries to поме his bath 
water to mike 


Bob Seguin 
Toronto, Ontario 


PENIS ENVY 
Some 16 years ago, my masculine self- 
image was almost destroyed by а 174 
old girl only 4/10" tall. After an hour of 
having my back destroyed by her finger 
nails, accompanied by screams that I 
feared would bring the law, she said, 
"You sure do fuck good, but after what 
Joe [а co-worker] puts in me, I can barely 
feel that litle dick of yours.” Now, sta- 
ically, I'm а little bigger than aver- 
age—seven and one fourth inches. I know 
I'm no John Holmes, but neither do I 
feel I'm underendowed 
(Name withheld by request) 
New Orleans, Louisiana 
Ате you putting us on? Was she putting. 
you on? And whatever happened to that 


MASCULINE MERITS 
I feel t i 

ing factor in sexual enjoyment or inter- 

course except as a visual simulation. 

Im 30, attractive and petite; Гуе 
shared sexual intercourse with 100 men 
in five years, alter divorcing my husband 
of seven years 1o whom I was faithful. 
Onenight stands, brief affairs and several 
extended relationships all considered, my 
best sexual experiences combined emo- 
tional, intellectual and spiritual closeness 
with physical intimacy. 

My first lover (and possibly the best) 
alter my divorce was 15 years my senior, 
solidly married and the possessor of a 
three inch penis fully erect. I've known 
only two men with larger-than-average 
penises of about eight inches. Both were 
of average height and were very slim to 
skinny. Mox penises were about six 
inches long and were circumcised (four 
were not). To me, the following qualities 
in a man transcend penis size, physi 
characteristics and even sexual tech- 
nique: (1) capacity to enjoy whatever 


circumstances he finds (9) 
sense of humor: (3) perceptiveness and 
appreciation of other people's feelings: 
(4) enjoyment of fucking; (5) multi- 
eted personality, including tenderness, 
forcefulness and intuitiveness; (6) willing- 
ness to try new things both in bed and out. 
(Name withheld by request) 

San Jose, California 
The issue of penis size has been a 
“Playboy Forum’ staple for many months 
now, and no letter we've received has, in 


“I make it a 
practice to have 
simultaneous relations 


with both husbands.” 


our opinion, dealt with this subject so 
reasonably from a woman's point of view. 
We've heard from both men and women 
and we believe that women are in a better 
position to judge. 


TOO MUCH! 

After dating two men (ог over a year, 
I could not decide which of them I loved 
more. I knew that I would be completely 
happy only if I were married to both of 
them. After some time and much discus- 
sion, that is exactly what happened. 


The three of us live together in the 
tment and sleep in a common 
all marriages, it takes an effort 


both husbands. We prefer simultaneous 
genital and anal intercourse, since the 
men can feel the other's penis inside me 
and the feeling is stimulating to all of us. 
We plan to have a family, one child by 
each husband, and hope to га 
cure in the knowledge that a 
is а marriage of happy people. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Cleveland, Ohio 


FRIEND OR FOE? 

Sex liberation and Marxist radicalism 
intertwine lovingly in your pages. In holy 
writ of Lenin, Trotsky, Mao, Castro, how 
swings it? What mores rule in Hanoi or 
in Moscow, the womb of the Revolution? 
How fare the gays in Havana? Hard to. 
find out? Well, yes. But you probe with 
panache in Montana or New Yo 

This onecyed stance is here in Ex 
land. also, but sicklied o'er with a weary, 
giggling sophistication. Your cr 
barrel buraptiousness and unfettered cap- 
ist high energy at l ible you 
to carry the thing off with a certain style. 

It’s your virgin innocence I love! 

E. R. Thompson 
Surrey, England 

We Colonials are a little puzzled, but 

we love your style, 109. 


LEST WE FORGET 

I take exception to the letter in the 
November Playboy Forum from the min 
in Salt Lake City who says that all you 
need to have as much sexual activity as 
you want is to act "friendly, respectful 
and honest." Bullshit. 1 had my nose and 
most ol my face peeled off in an accident 
called Vietnam, For several months, | 
looked like strawberry yoghurt with 
Now, thanks to the mirades of medical 
science, I look like а straight-backed 
Quasimodo. 

Before the war, I used to assemble 
helicopters. Now I scrub toilets for a 
living—at night, so I'm not around to 
upset the public That was the best job 
I could get. As for women, forget it. 
So tell your friend in Salt Lake City that, 
yes. you can get all the sex you want— 
if you are friendly, respectful, honest and 
good-looking. 

(Name withheld by request) 
Shelton, Connecticut 


61 


PLAYBOY 


62 


TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING 

I recently had a runin at my com- 
pany's coffee shop with а co-worker who 
loudly objected to my lighting up a cig 
аспе and 1 think it’s time somebody 
commented on this problem. Antismoking 
rudeness has reached epidemic propor- 
tions, especially among basically intolerant 
people who consider their rights and 
values more important than anyone else's 
The typical antismoker is abrasive, argu- 
mentative, self-righteous and antagonistic 
toward anyone who doesn’t share his anti- 
smoking zeal. Гап most happy to watch 


where my smoke goes to avoid caus: 
ing discomfort to others. but I won't have 
t. whom I sit with and where 1 


where I 
work dictated by some pigbrained anti. 
smoker. Most people have bad habits, but 
being holier than 


the worst bad habi 
thou. 


“Wally” 
Beavercreek, Oregon 
Well drink to that, and add thot the 
clean livers who annoy us the most are 
those damn joggers who disrupt. traffic 
and display smug looks оп their bouncing 
red faces when they arewt sneering al 
motorists and fal people. 


GAYBOY 
Your continuing defense of homosex- 
uals and their so-called rights is turning 
my stomach. You should call your 
zine Gayboy. To me. a simpering fag 
doesn’t deserve your attention, much less 
your sympathy. 1 like women, women like 
me. There just aren't enough of them is 
ту only problem. 
(Name withheld by request) 
Arlington, Virgi 
Try to look at the bright side. Every 
one of them awful queers who comes out 
of the closet means less competition for 
you. However, we don't think finding 
women is your only problem. 


enoug 


SEX VS. PARENTHOOD 

T am very weary of reading and hear- 
ing arguments against homosexuality such 
as that in William S. Pease’s leuer (The 
Playboy Forum. November). which states 
that homosexuality is unnatural because 
gay people produce no progeny. Wh: 
homosexuals do not produce are un- 
wanted children, because. unlike hetero- 


sexuals, they don't confuse the desire for 
sex with the desire for parenthood. 

Joan May 

Eldridge, California 


Pease m ts homosexuality as "an 
acceptable option of sexual preference” 
оп the basis that homosexuals “produce 
no progeny.” Gays are not the only mi- 
nority whose rights are vulnerable on 
that ground. Monks. priests, nuns and 
other religious devotees who deliberately 


FORUM NEWSFRONT 


what’s happening in the sexual and social arenas 


ALL-ROUND CURE 
LOS ANGELES—A municipal-court mag- 
istrate has given a $3740 fine and 36 
months’ summary probation to a 39- 
year-old self-described fortuneteller who 
pleaded no contest to charges of battery 
practicing medicine without a license 
and making false and misleading state 
ments. The defendant allegedly tried to 
sell a woman client his sexual favors as а 
сие for what he diagnosed as cancer of 

the vagina, throat and rectum, 


FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE 

MARQUETTE, MICHIGAN—A_ study of 
200 maximum-secwrily prisoners їп 
Michigan has found that while most 
have at least average intelligence, the 


SST 


vast majority also are functional illiter- 
ates. Dr. Curt Hamre, associate. profes- 
sor of communication disorders at 
Northern Michigan University, reports 
that only ten percent of the inmates 
have completed high school and mest 
have trouble reading beyond the fourth 
grade level or even following verbal in- 
structions. He speculales thal “perhaps 
the big reason these people turn toa lif 


of crime is because they can't effectively 
communicate" or successfully compete 
in regular society. To hide their lack 
of communication skills, Dr. Hamre 
said, the prisoners have developed cop. 
ing patterns that include giving quick, 
meaningless answers and acting “cool,” 
pretending indifference so they will 
not have to answer questions. 


YOUNG AT HEART 


BEDJI MINNESOTA—À5 a public 
service gesture, а movie theater near 
Bemidji gave a local seniorcilizens 


group the revenue. from a two-day 
showing of an X-rated movie, raising 
$825 for the group's building fund and 
controversy in the small northern Min 
nesola community. The theater owner 
said that when he was approached by the 
steering commiltee of the Senior Cit- 
izens Council about a benefit showing, 
he first suggested a family film but. 
added, “If you want to sell tickets fast, 
you should play an X-rated movie.” 
The council agreed and “The Erotic 
Adventures of Zorro” was attended. by 
170 persons, including a few of the 
senior citizens. The 74-year-old council 
chairwoman shrugged off criticism of the 
project and commented. “It’s awakened 
the younger folks that we're not dead 
yet and we're not so far back in the 
woods that we can't be broad-minded. 
And it's given us a lot of free publicity.” 


UNDERSTANDING JUDGE 

CHELMSFORD, ENGLAND—A couri has 
given a three-year probated senience 
to a 17-year-old man who pleaded guilty 
to strangling his wife because she had 
nagged him incessantly for 17 years, "I 
don’ think I have ever before come 
across a case where provocation has 
gone on so long,” the judge said. “In 
Me end. you got into a position where 
you were unable to cope.” The nagging 
had reached a point where the husband, 
a week before he stopped it, had ип 
successfully asked local police to lock 
him up because he feared he might 
become violent. 


BANNING BILLY'S BREW 

NORFOLK, VIRGINIS—Slate liquor au- 
thorities have banned the sale of Billy 
Beer in Virginia under a departmental 
regulation against the sale of alcoholic 
beverages with labels bearing the en- 
dorsement of famous living persons. A 
spokesman for the Virginia Alcoholic 
Beverage Control Commission explained 


that such endorsements “by any promi- 
nent person are contrary to good public 
policy" and that this brand of beer, 
inspired and endorsed by Billy Carter, 
nol only comes under the regulation 
but also is “downgrading to the office 
of the President of the country.” 


HOOKERS AWEIGH 
ROTTERDAM, THE NETHEKLANDS—The 
city council has approved plans to relo- 
cate Rotterdam’s illegal but tolerated 
prostitutes in a giant floating brothel 


along an abandoned waterfront arca. 
The decision means city officials can 
begin looking for entrepreneurs willing 


to finance the project, which is intended 
to confine the hookers to one part of 
the city. Under the council's proposal, 
the women would be charged about $10 
а day to rent а room in the proposed 
100-bed complex. 


CODDLING CRIMINALS, ALAS 

MAbRID—The Spanish government 
has announced amnesty for persons 
serving prison sentences under a Franco- 
ста law that penalizes wives, but seldom 
husbands, for adultery. The law pro- 
vides up to six years in prison for “the 
married woman who lies with a male 
who is not her husband” but holds a 
husband guilty of adultery only if he 
keeps a mistress in a “notorious way.” 
A Justice Ministry spokesman said that 
probably fewer than a dozen persons 
are still in Spanish jails for this offense 
but that most of them are women. 


LEGAL OVERKILL 

FLORENCE, ORFGON—In ils zeal to dis- 
courage citizens from copulating in 
public—as in parked cars or even bed- 
rooms with the shades up—the city of 
Florence inadvertently outlawed sex 
altogether. An ordinance passed by the 
city council makes sexual intercourse 
illegal “while in or in view of a public 
or private place.” When the wording 


was explained to them, city officials said 


they would not ask police to enforce 
ihe new ordinance until it could be 
amended. 


ABORTION OR? 

WASHINGTON, D.C—The head of the 
Carter Administration task force on 
alternatives to abortion has disbanded 
the group after concluding that the only 
real alternatives. are "suicide, mother- 
hood and, some would add, madness.” 
In а memorandum 10 HEW Secretary 
Joseph A. Califano, Jr., who, like Presi- 
dent Carter, personally opposes abor- 
tion, task-force leader Connie J. Downey 
said her panel had not the direction, 
scope, authority or money necessary to 
attack the underlying problem of un- 
wanted pregnancte 


CAPTURE AND CONVICTION 

WASHINGTON, D.C—High conviction 
rates appear to deter murder, but the 
death penalty scems to haze little or no 
effect, according to а new study re- 
ported in the Minnesota Law Review. 
Brian Forst, director of research at the 
Institute for Law and Social Research, 
examined murder statistics for 50 states 
between 1960 and 1970 and discovered 
“that those states in which the actual 


use of capital 
punishment 
ceased during the 
Sixties experienced 
no greater increase 
in the murder rate 
than did the states that 
did по! use capital punish- 
ment in the first place.” He 
noted, however, that the great- 
esl increases in murder rates tended to 
occur in states where capture and. con- 
viction rates have been declining, 


repress or sublimate their sexual desires 
also produce no progeny. 

In terms of “normal 
bacy (apart from being nonproductive) is 
one of our society's most bizarre forms of 
sexual deviation 
it must be protected against the denial of 
civil rights to those who do not conform 
to majority bel 


havior. 


Vegas, Nevada 


BIBLE BELTED 
We live in a small town that has a 
generous share of both gays and religious 
fanatics. While we have never been in 
the least bit bothered by gays, we have 
been continuously harassed by Bible 
pushers in our homes, on the streets and 
оп our jobs 
(Name withheld by request) 
Ludington, Michigan 


ANITA HAS RIGHTS, TOO 

I was very anti-Anita when Dade 
anty, Florida, decided that homosex- 
uals weren't entitled to the same rights 
as heterosexual Americans. But the radi- 
cal gay response has caused me to switch. 

Alter protesting the denial of their 
hts for years. how сап the homosexual 
hypocrites deny Anita Bryant her rights? 
5 really scary. We're just starting to 
get over rightist repression and it springs 
up on the other side. 

(Name withheld by request) 
Atlanta, Georgia 

As soon as someone denies Anita Bry- 
ant her vight to free speech, we'll take the 
position that she's much less of a threat 
to this country than. those who would 
silence her. But until that occurs, we will 
continue to boycott screwdrivers. 


WITCH-HUNTER FRUSTRATED 

Last July a leter in The Playboy 
Forum reported that Wichita district at- 
torney Vern Miller inyaded the cimpus of 
Wichita State Univer ed a copy of 
The Devil in Miss Jones being shown to 
students by the Erotic Aris Society 
campus organization, and arrested 
Cook, student president of the society, 
for promoting obscenity. Since that letter 
was published, there have been important 
developments. 

We of the local affiliate of the Ameri- 


can Civil Liberties Union organized a 
solid defense for Cook. bringing in a host 


of expert witnesses, and we won an 
acquittal. 

We also took the district attorney to 
court over his practice of harassing pa- 
trons of adult theaters by taking the 
names of all those present whenever he 
conducted a raid. Although he cl 
he was taking names of prospective wit 


63 


PLAYBOY 


64 


economically without benefit of a trial. 
We thus obtained an injunction against 
this practice and we arc now seeking dam- 
ages on behalf of those patrons. 

Most recently, Miller has turned his 
attention to books; he has actually 
brought charges against two bookstores 
for the sale of adult books. While the 
score is now A.C.LLU. 2, Miller 0, we 
intend to continue opposing his efforts to 
act as community censor—for we believe 
that a First Amendment that is not ali 
in Wichita cannot long live anywhere 
the count 


we'd like to thank the Playboy 

ation for assisting the A.C.L.U. in 

ns in our behalf. 

Ralph W. Estes 

South Central Kansas Civil 
Liberties Union 

Wichita, Kansas 


NEW RELIGION 

I'm tired of hearing of thi 
ї state passing laws to decriminalize 
marijuana. To those godlike legis 
who would toss me crumbs, I say, 
thank you.” 
Why don't we all challenge those laws 
thar restrict individual freedom by form- 
ing a new national religion devoted to 
the worship of the god Liberty? 

This religion could indude the use of 
a rite and would h 


state or 


that anyone could join. This may seem 
outrageous, but if enough people became 


Forum Library _ 


members, the Government could not ob- 
ject without vi our freedom of 
religion. 


Bruce Golden 

San Diego, California 
Good thinking. Yor've just come up 
ith a sure-fire scheme [or getting the 
! Amendment repealed. 


FETUS FRACAS 

In the December Playboy Forum, an 
anti-abortionist makes the comment, “I 
do believe that anyone who aborts her 
unbom is not fit to reproduce.” Did he 
mot consider that many of the women 
who elect to have abortions may have 
come to that very same conclusion? And 
; have come to it rationally, with full 
understanding that they were emotional- 
ly, socially or financially “unfit,” for what- 
ever reasons, to bear and raise children? 
And that forcing them to bear and raise 
children probably would be the worst 
thing that could happen to both them 
and their unwanted babies? 

Anyone who sincerely believes that. 
only ап “unfit” woman elects to und 

п abortion should logically conclude 
that she should be sterilized by the 
Government. 


Don Phillips 
Point Arena, Cali 


BOOTLEG IS BETTER 
Leafing 
yout та 
tion would be great, but what comes 


THE BOTANY AND ECOLOGY OF CAN- 
NaBis: Finally, a college biology 
student has talked his supervising 
professor into letting him do his thesis 
оп the botany, taxonomy, morphology. 
embryology, etc., of the killer weed in 
all its world-wide species. And this 
66-page illustrated scholarly work, by 
Robert Connell Clarke (University of 
California at Santa Cruz), is now avail- 
able for four dollars, plus 30 cents 
poslage and 24 cents sales lax in 
California, from Pods Press, Box 1158, 
Ben Lomond, California 95005. Aca- 
demic, for sure. 

COPS 'N DOPERs: The average and 
otherwise law-abiding pot smoker 
does not, as a rule, know his Fourth 
Amendment rights from his probable 


cause, making him an easy bust and 
usually an easy conviction. Here's a 
32-page illustrated booklet in both 
English and Spanish that lightheart- 
edly but accurately educates anyone 
(young people, especially) in how to 
politely but firmly exercise his consti- 
tutional rights when Officer Friendly 
makes an unexpected appearance. 
Three dollars, plus 75 cents postage 
and handling, from Mayflower, Unlim- 
ited, Box 1136, Venice, California 
90291. 

THE GRASS ROOTS FUNDRAISING 
Book: Here's a valuable handbook for 
Social do-gooders and political trou- 
blemakers alike who are frustrated in 
their efforts to raise money for their 
causes. This 200-plus-page paper- 
back provides practical advice, explicit 
structions and all sorts of general 
formation on the art of gentle per- 
suasion, meaning every fund-raising 
technique short of armed robbery. A 
fine book, or the Playboy Foundation 
would not have helped subsidize it. By 
Joan Flanagan, via The Swallow Press. 
Available for $4.75, plus 50 cents 
postage and handling, from The Grass 
Roots Fundraising Book—The Youth 
Project, P.O. Box 988, Hicksville, New 
York 11802. 


next? I know when I can go to the пе 
borhood grocery and buy a pack of pot, it 
will Jose a lot of what marijuana really 
isto me. 

To me, getting it in a plastic bag, 
ing down with my newest album. 
cleaning the grass, saving the seeds for 
future adventures in the woods, trying to 
roll a better joint than I did the last 
time and finally smoking it are a major 
part of the high. 

It would be great not getting popped 
for smoking, but let's hope the time will 
never come when there's no fun or adven- 
ture to it. 


Keith Willis 
Pineville, Louisiana. 
You know something? If enough of our 
puritanical lawmakers realized how much 
pleasure dopers derive from breaking the 
law, they'd have legalized pot years ago, 
just to take the fun out of it. 


RED LODGE 
I've been following your Red Lodge, 
“por plantation" са 
ever-increasing amazement and fascina- 
tion. If the defendants ever do get off, the 
ens of Red Lodge should institute 
1 Lake Headley Day 


annu 


that has ever or will ever happe 
community. 

Ie could be celebrated by 
carnivals and general carousing 
dude, after nightfall, a parade down the 
main street of town by pcople carr 
torches and a hangman 
they could have a 

an еду of either Headley or the 
County attorney, whoever the 
turns out to be. 

(Name withheld by request) 

Billings, Montana 

AL presstime, the Red Lodge case was 
still in limbo. A February trial date was 
set for Lake Headley and Elizabeth 
Schmidt, but a delay was expected be- 
cause of appeals to the state supreme 
court by both the prosecution and the 
defense, Meanwhile, two of the former 
defendants, Don and Tim Wogamon, 
have been arrested on new drug charges; 
and the Federal drug agent involved in 
the Red Lodge raid has given a couit-or- 
dered deposition, including records in- 
dicating that the dejendants had been 
Federal targets for several years, as Head- 
ley has long claimed. The civil rights 
suits filed by the defendants and re- 
ported in our December issue ате still in 
the pretrial stages. 


“The Playboy Forum" offers the 
opportunity for an extended dialog. 
between renders and editors of this 
publication on contemporary issues. Ad- 
dress all correspondence to The Playboy 
Forum, Playboy Building, 919 North 
Michigan Avenue, Chicago, по 60611. 


IMPORTED BY CALVERT DIST. CO., N.Y.C 


IMPORTED 
ONE QUART 


— Lucky Americans. | 
You pay less to go first class. 


Here in Florence, Passport costsas muchasother whiskies, but bottle Passport in the U.S.—and pass 
jremium scotches. In fact, its expensive everywhere оп the tax and shipping savings to you. So to lucky 
in America. We use Scotland's most expensive Americans, this superb scotch only tastes expensive. 


Passport Scotch 


woes. DAVID FROST 


a candid conversation with britain’s jet-lagged man about media and the 
interviewer who brought former president nixon to trial on television 


Last spring, David Frost managed to 
accomplish what even the U.S. Congress 
had been unable to do: confront former 
President Richard М. Nixon оп Water- 
gate and other controversial aspects of 
his Administration. In a five-part series 
of taped television interviews that he 
also conceived and produced, Frost dog- 
gedly but politely pursued Nixon on 
everything from Cambodia to cover 
ups—and, in the process, England's dap. 
per man about media once again proved 
he is one of TV's most able interviewers. 

Although most observers expected the 
gushingly hospitable Frost to be in over 
his head against Nixon, they sharply re- 
vised their opinion when the interzi 
were aired last spring. New York Times 
TV critic John J. O'Connor wrote, “Соп 
founding his overly hasty detractors, 
Frost as ап interviewer proved to be 
thoroughly prepared, extremely effective 
and frequently brilliant.” He even evad- 
ed the expected charges of liberal par- 
lisanship: After watching the Watergate 
interview, former White House speech- 
writer Raymond K. Price, who had 
helped compose Nixon's resignation 
speech, noted, “The Nixon interview on 


jews 


“Once, I was interviewed by someone 
who wasn't listening, so I said, ‘And 
then, I married. the Pope's first wife’ 
And the guy still said, ‘Yes, Mr. Frost, 
but what about the Common Market? " 


Watergate can be a much-needed act of 
healing—if his opponents will let it be.” 
Although the jury is still out on Nixon's 
public mea culpa, the great majority of 
viewers were surprised by Frost's per- 
formance. At least one man wasn't, 
however. David Paradine Frost, а multi- 
talented multimillionaire, knew all along 
he'd do just fine, thank you. 

Born in the town of Tenterden in 
Kent, England, on April 7, 1939, Frost 
was the son of a hard-working country 
parson whose family of five (Frost has 
two sisters) had to make do on less than 
$50 а week. After compiling a brilliant 
academic and athletic record in second- 
ary schools, he spurned a pro-soccer con- 
tract with the Nottingham club in favor 
of an academic scholarship to Cambridge, 
where he became editor of Granta, the 
university's major literary magazine, and 
ran the Footlights, the campus revue- 
and-cabarel society. Frost's extracurricular 
activities left him little time for studying 
and he sometimes likes to credit his hon- 
ois degree in English to amphetamines. 
“Purple hearts’ were very big in Cam- 
bridge at examination lime,” he recently 
told us. “In fact, there was supposed to 


“Women ате very important in my life, 
and I guess they realize I like them and 1 
like their company. But any woman who 
suffers from travel sickness, I think, is 
ош as far as Рт concerned." 


be one guy at school who swallowed a 
whole bunch of purple hearts, took an 
exam, thought he'd. done marvelousby— 
and was then terribly disappointed to 
learn he'd written his name 1758 times.” 
si's ambition was to be on TV, and 
afler he was graduated, he became a 
trainee with the commercial-TV station 
in London. Evenings found him moon- 
lighting as a stand-up comic; when the 
BBC spotted him, it quickly hired Frost 
1o help create and star in “That Was the 
Week That Was." "ТҮЗ," as the hit TV 
show сате to be known, was a weekly 
satirical romp that specialized in. skew- 
ering politicians. An American version 
ran on NBC-TV for two seasons, but, as 
one critic suggested, its style was “more 
roundhouse than rapier” When Eng- 
land's “TW3" went off the air, Frost 
went right back on with a talk show 
called “Not So Much a Programme, 
More a Way of Life.” “People used to 
say it was а great show but that we 
should have cut 20 minutes out of the 
title,” Frost recalls. 

After that, in the 1965-1966 season, 
The Frost Report" and, the next 
year, while still serving as emcee of this 


came 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY VERNON г. SMITH 


“Knowing Nixon, I believe his main con- 
cern in our interviews was history, not 
money—and trying to nudge history, in a 
long, forlorn аше toward a balanced 
judgment of his Presidency.” 


67 


PLAYBOY 


68 


BBC show, Frost also hosted “The Frost 
Programme” on the rival commercial 
channel. Just to keep his hand in, while 
both shows were on the air, he found 
additional time to chair “Frost at the 
Phonograph,” a weekly BBC radio pro- 
gram. Since then, Frost has had what 
seem like dozens of shows and series on 
British TV that he's produced and/or 
starred in and, in the U.S., from 1969 
to 1972, the syndicated “David Frost 
Show" pioncered television's first en- 
counter with 90-minute interviews. The 
latest news on Frost's American TV activ- 
ities is that he has just signed a long-term 
contract with NBC that, among other 
things, called for him to produce a manic 
version of "60 Minutes” called “Peeping 
Times,” plus a series of six specials, to be 
aired on consecutive weeks beginning in 
May. The as-yet-untitled miniseries will 
contain celebrity profiles, interviews, top- 
ical commentary and humor. In reality, 
NBC is hoping that Frost's imagination 
will produce something as popular as, 
yet more interesting than, the banal 
Hems that currently make up TV's top 
ten programs. The network has made a 
sporting gamble. 

To interview the 39-year-old globe- 
trotte LAYBOY sent one of ils veteran 
interviewers, Lawrence Lindermen, (0 meet 
with Frost in New York. Linderman 
reports 

“David Frost is a 5'11” dynamo who is 
rapidly building a far-flung media em- 
pire. He does everything. rapidly—and 
mostly well. He conducts business on 
three continents, has offices in New York, 
Beverly Hills and London, owns a very 
fancy Regency town house in the Knights- 
bridge section of London and seems to 
live most of his life on jets. The man runs 
himself ragged, but he’s so exceptionally 
energized, he doesn't seem to notice il. 
I met him for the first time in his office 
in Manhattan's Plaza Hotel. Frost struck 
me as а good. guy: funny, friendly and 
very quick. He is a seasoned pro at inter- 
views, so we gol down to business soon 
after we met. His Nixon inteniews, 
which are the subject of Frost's just- 
published book, “1 Gave Them a Sword" 
(Morrow), co-authored with Antony Jay, 
seemed the obvious subject with which 
to begin our own sessions.” 


PLAYBOY: Having successiully completed 
your interviews with Richard M. Nixon, 
you're now out hustling your book about 
them, Z Gave Them a Sword. Don't you 
nk you're milking the subject of Rich- 
on a wee bit? 
d that's not at all why 1 
wrote the book, but I commend you for 
the kind thought. I really didn't decide 
to write anything until after the enor- 
mous impact of the interviews, and even 
then, I thought Га just write an article. 
And that w: | response t0 the 
fact th whenever I do lectures and 
such, people have a wemendous num- 


on and 
down 


ber of questions to ask about 2 
my impressions of him. So I 
to write an article and then encountered 
the same problem you're about to en- 
counter, which is that you can't write 
about all of my feelings about the proj 
ect and about Nixon in an article. And 
so I realized it was all or nothing 
book that started ош to be 75,000 we 
ended up as 100,000-plus words. 
PLAYBOY: ЇЇ there's one overriding. ling 
ing impression of your interviews. with 
Nixon, it may well be this: Here we had 
a discredited President who in't lev 
eled with the American public, and 
suddenly, there he was on TV again, 
receiving a princely fee from you either 
to finally come clean or to extend the 
cover-up that had ultimately driven him 
out of office. Did it surprise you that 
cans felt that the money 
ceived lent an air of improprie- 
to your interviews with him? 
FROST: No, I felt that was understandable 
In ‚ 1 examined that myself. bec 
it’s an important question. Obviously, I 
had ro analyze the question of p 
to Nixon before even trying 10 
the interviews, What J realized w 
We would not be setting a precedent. 
Lyndon Johnson had been paid for talk- 
ing about his Presidency on television, 
and he'd even retained a measure of cdi- 
torial control. The pr 
important: A politician has the right to 
dispose of his own life in whatever way 
he wi he leaves public office. It 
lso seemed to me that in terms of mem 
ойу, the interviews were like a book. 
Since the age of the quill, we've unde 
stood the concept of the writer and his 
written memoirs; electronic memoirs, 
Nowever, are more recent and more com- 
plex. And perl testing, in some 
ways, for Richard Nixon wasn't merely 
being asked to write his own account. 
Instcad, his account was consistently 
being questioned during our interviews, 
and for a sum that was only a fraction of 
what he’s receiving for his book. The ошу 
precedent we set was one of total edit 
control, and that was a mandatory cond: 
tion, for without it, I wouldn't have donc 
the interviews. Given all that, I therefore 
felt that interviewing Nixon would be a 
challenge, a task that had to be done ii 
the hopes of adding to history. I thought 
we would probably be able to move our 
state of knowledge of those exnaordinary 
years forward a bit—and I think we did. 
PLAYBOY. Nixon received $600,000, plus 
20 percent of the profits for your inter- 
views with him. Will his cut of the action 
come to more than $1,000,000? 

Frost: Taking the longest view possible, 
allowing for future usage and such, no. 
he will never make $1,000,000 from the 
interviews. In fact, if the overall excess 
of income over expenditures turns out to 
be a half million dollars, well, that would 
estimate of the profits. And those 
profits will have to be shared with the 


investors in the project. 
PLAYBOY: Does that mean that Nixon will 
make more money from those shows tl 
you will 
Frost: Certainly so, yes, and that will 
never change. But I didn't look the 
chance 10 make money. 

im in doing them was to 
to do а good job and perhaps 
a bit of history en route. In fin 
terms, I pictured the project 


cial 
gloom, middle road or ecstasy. Gloom 


break even, and that was one’s true aim. 
What in fact happened was that w 
ended up doing better than break even: 
We made a fair profit out of it. If you 
looking at it as a purely financial invest 
ment, you would probably have to si 
that the risk w ‘eater than the event 
reward. But I think that everybody who 
went into it didn't really regard it, any 
n I did, as a purely financi 
a historical responsi- 
bility. As long as people got their money 
back—more th $2,000,000 had to be 
Taised—they were going to be content. 
And the fact u they've done a bit bet- 
ter than that—they are content. 

PLAYBOY: Just belore the interviews were 
televised, U.S. News & World Report 
wrote that the only reason ? 
to do them was that he “needed mon 
desperately and quickly.” Do you th 
that was the case? 

FROST: It's certainly possible Nixon may 
have thought at the time that he was in 
need of money. But very soon ther 


pact of the thing. I wasn't privy to his 
thinking then any more than I 
but, knowing him, I believe that hi 
concern was history—and trying to help 
nudge history, in a long, forlorn battle 
toward a balanced judgment of hi 
Presidency. 
PLAYBOY: There 
written about 
with his р 
think that р 


been a good deal 
Nixon's preoccupation 
in history. What do you 


t some years hence, 
tory will become schizoid 
in the sense that. people will separate his 
foreign policy from his domestic policy. 
On the one hand, they will gaze at th 
antidemocratic instincts that pervaded his 
domestic policy and, on the other hand, 
they'll admire his grasp of Realpolitik. 
Now, that doesn't mean the Nixon Pres- 
idency will ever be rehabilitated domes 
tically, because it was a very dangerous 
) America. Not necessarily dan 
in the sense that Nixon wanted to 
destroy the institutions of American gov- 
ernment, but he would de it 
much easier for the next guy down the 
line to do so. 
PLAYBOY: When did you get the idea to 
do the interviews? 
Frost: The day Nixon resigned. I was in 
Australia at the time. His resignation 
speech, given about ni in Wash. 
ington, was broadcast live in Austra 


place 


period 


gerous 


Motor Trend Magazine's Import Car of the 
Year. The new 1978 Toyota Celica. An aero- 
dynamic beauty enveloping the best Toyota 
engineering of our time. A car which meets 
ог exceeds all 1980 Federal fuel economy 
and safety standards. The car which best 
met Motor Trend's criteria for styling, quality, 
comfort, acceleration. braking. handling, 
fuel economy and ride.The Import Car of the IF 
Year. The 1978 Toyota Celica. Here's what 
the Car of the Year and the car of the 80's offers you.. 


Efficiency and comfort. Exemplified by: a cockpit full of instrumentation. 
A newly designed GT driver's seat ЕШШ an adjustable lumbar support. 
And the GT Liftback’s 
practical, split, fold-down 
rear seat. 


)Style and engineering. 

The 1978 Celica s new 

aerodynamic body contri- 

SAJ butes lo increased stability. 

~ acceleration and interior room. 

These characteristics combine 

with a 2.2 liter overhead cam engine 

7 and a 5-speed overdrive trans- 

mission to produce a beautiful Grand 

Touring machine. A machine gosiğned for the 

80's. A machine with welded unilized- 

body construction to help make it last 

The Celica Three models—the ST and GT Sport 
Coupes and the GT Liftback (pictured). 


Toyota quality is a line of cars. if a Celica is not what you 
had in mind, one of the 26 other Toyota models probably 

is. Many with Celica features, like 5-speed overdrive 
transmissions. All built Toyota tough. If you can find a better 
built small car or truck than a Toyota. .. buy it 


(Ejfoyola Molar Sales, USA ire 1978. 


Marlboro Lights, Longhorn 100's and famous 
Marlboro Red—you get a'lot to like, 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


h К | 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. Jut: 129 "tr": ng hte M А 
2 kings 8 1005: 17 тд: tar; -1.0 mg d ТА; ї С Report А00: 


BS emt ? 


PLAYBOY 


72 


Clarks 
Bull Hides. 


The bull is a tough cus- 
tomer if ever there was one. 
So we used genuine bull hide 
for our Clarks Bull Hides. And 
created a virtually indestruct- 
ible comfort shoe. 

Clarks Bull Hides are born 
tough to stay tough. They're 
made from leather that’s al- 
most a quarter-inch thick. 
And so strong it can stand up 
to anything your active life 
serves up. Yet Bull Hides give 
you all the great comfort you 
expect from Clarks of Eng- 
land. Plus the kind of quality 


om Tough. 


craftsmanship and attention 
to detail you don't get in an 
ordinary shoe. 

Trya pair of our Bull Hides. 
Available in several models 
for men and women in a nat- 
ural tone waxy finish that re- 
quires little or no care. 

Get tough. Get Clarks Bull 
Hides. For the rugged indi- 
vidualist in 
everyone. 


OF ENGLAND 


Made by skilled hands the world over. 
Clarks Shoes priced from $20.00 to $50.00. For the store nearest you write 
Clarks, Box 92, Belden Station, Norwalk, CT 06852—Dept. BHPB4 


at 11 o'clock the next morning: the East 
Room speech came over about 11 that 
night. One of the great things about Aus- 
tralia is that it’s a very expansionist 
country, and I suppose it encourages you 
to think expansively. Anyway, I got the 
lea for the interviews while watching 
Nixon that day. 
PLAYBOY: What was your perception of 
him at the time? 
FROST: I'd always been fascinated by the 
enigmas of the man. And for Nixon to 
have gone from that extraordinary victory 
in "72 to where he was at that moment 
made him doubly fascinating for me. 
There are so many rich paradoxes in his 
life that I believe make him the most 
interesting of men to interview. In fact, 
to interview him again would be almost 
as interesting as interviewing someone 
else for the first time. His speeches that 
day, of course, were quite memorable. 
The first one was historic—that he was 
laying down his office, and so on, but in 
personal terms, the East Room speech 
was tremendously dramatic. Everything 
about it was extraordinary, from the 
people who were sitting there applaud- 
ing madly because they thought they 
should, down to the people who were 
there thinking, Do I applaud now? Or 
do I look appropriately somber? By be- 
ing here, will I get myself embroiled in 
any responsibility for what Nixon did? 
The East Room speech itself was very 
basic, very human, very mother-father, 
very psychological, very coarse and very 
intriguing, beginning with the dichotomy 
of Nixon's closing remark about hate: 
“Always remember, others may hate you, 
but those who hate you don't win unless 
you hate them, and then you destroy 
yourself.” Which was an extraordinary 
comment for him to make, because one 
would have thought it was an epitaph 
for the Nixon Administration. And yet it 
was delivered as if it were an Olympian 
judgment for the aid of future genera- 
tions, unconnected to the man who was 
it. Right then and there, 1 deter- 
mined to do as much as I could, as soon 
as I could, to make the interviews happen. 
PLAYBOY: What were the first steps you 
took? 
Frost: I waited two weeks and then 
called San Clemente. The reaction—I 
didn’t get to speak to Nixon—was very 
much one of "Don't call us, we'll call 
you." Warmhearted reluctance was con- 
siderably in evidence. I continued calling 
about once every two months, and also 
tried to find contacts who could help. In 
fact, it took a year before I able to 
get Nixon to agree. Herb Klein, who'd 
been director of communications lor 
Nixon, had gone to Metromedia and 
acted as the main intermediary, but noth- 
ing really happened until one night my 
friend Clay Felker told me that Swifty 
Lazar, the agent who'd negotiated Nixon's 
book deal, was also empowered to negoti- 
ate for television rights. That was the 


PENTAX delivers a technical knockout 


Meet the favorite. The MX from Pentax. Technically, 
it's an engineering miracle. Loaded with revolutionary 
new features that have the industry on its feet. But the 
stunner comes from the fact that the MX is the smallest, 
lightest full featured 35 mm SLR ever made. 

The fans are going wild. And for good reason. The 
MX can dish it out — and the MX can take it. To the 
hobbyist, it offers the excitement of a system camera. То 
the pro it is a lightweight, versatile workhorse. A "grab 
and run" camera that never lets its owner down. MX 
rugged performance commands respect, even in some 
very heavy weight crowds. 

The competition's fading fast. By reducing the 
number of moving parts, it's been possible to strengthen 
and enlarge those remaining. The result is a rugged 
champion with the confidence to stand chin to chin 
against all comers. With LEDs for exposure readout that 
are shockproof, jamproof, error proof, and not affected 
by humidity and temperature extremes. 

A smagie needle" loading system for rapid, easy film 
change. Eight interchangeable focusing screens for op- 
timum focusing accuracy. A new silvered pentaprism 
with a brilliant, super-large image. 


In its own weight class there are no contenders. And 
the scrappy MX has a reach that's shaking up even its 
heavier rivals. 

In the champ's corner. . . Heavy support from the 
Pentax side lines makes for remarkable system capa- 
bility. Motor drive and winder accessories with shooting 
speeds of up to 5 fps and 2 fps, respectively, open new 
dimensions in action photography. 

In addition to the revolutionary Super-Multi-Coated 
Pentax M-series miniature lenses, the MX is designed to 
handle a complete range of other Pentax lenses, from 
fisheye to telephoto. 

Put your money on a winner. See your dealer now 
and learn what the full MX system has to offer. We think 
it'll knock you out! 


More . . . from the innovators. 


PENTAX 


CORPORATION 


Pentax Corporation, 9 Inverness Drive East, Englewood, Co. 80110 


For more information on the MX, write: DEPT. TKO, PENTAX CORPORATION, P.O. Box 2677, Littleton, Colorado 80161 


73 


PLAYBOY 


74 


key piece of information. After that, it 
became a question of the single-minded 
pursuit of Swifty, The telephoning 
turncd out to have helped marginally in 
establishing that I was serious about do- 
ing the interviews. 

PLAYBOY: Were the negotiations them- 
selves very difficult? 

Frost: The money negotiations, as such, 
took relatively little time. NBC had al- 
legedly offered Nixon $400,000 for two 
hours and Swifty was asking $750,000 for 
four hour. In the end, 1 agreed to 
$600,000 for four 90-minute programs. 
We later added a seventh hour when 
Nixon requested a delay that would cost 
me about $100,000; and I suggested that 
in return for the delay he grant us an 
extra hour of broadcast material, and he 
did. I suppose the most important thing— 
nd it almost sounds ridiculous in retro- 
spect—was reali n was worth 
more than two hours. The day after I 
announced our agreement, the impact of 
the news was such that pcople would 
have offered him ten hours of TV time. 
he most complicated part of the bar- 
gaining concerned when the program on 
Watergate should be aired. Nixon didn’t 
nt to talk about Watergate at a point 
when he felt he could affect the appeals 
of Mitchell, Haldeman and Ehrlichman, 
which we agreed to. Meanwhile, I was 
delighted that he was agreeable to the TV 
interviews’ coming out ahead of his book, 
because I thought that was essential. But, 
most of all, I was surprised that Nix- 
on, this most suspicious of men, agreed 
to let me have total editorial control. 
PLAYBOY: Was there much wrangling over 
that? 

Frost: No, none at all. There was instant 
realization on his part that my independ- 
ent bona fides were essential to the proj 


the 1968 interview 
n as part of a series of 
TV interviews I'd conducted with nine 
Presidential candidates that year. Still, 
1 found it remarkable that Nixon, as an 
ex-President, was granting me a greater 
editorial right than any ex-President had 
ever granted before, and he was the one 
ex-President most sure the media would 
never give him a fair crack of the whip. 
PLAYBOY: Have they? 

FROST: Well, to a certain extent, it is 
true that the media—television, partic 
ularly—have been critical of Nixon. But 
that’s probably the case anywhere in the 
world where you have a conservative 
leader, because the average writer, for 
instance, tends to be irreverent or left of 
center or anti-status quo. But what's sur- 
prising, really, is that while Nixon, as 
President, felt he was being absolutely 
lacerated by television, he and Agnew 
were extremely successful in the cam- 
paign that they launched against TV's 
“instant analysis” of White House 
speeches and press conferences. That 
phrase, incidentally, was coined by the 


White House, yet the broadc g es- 
tablishment took it as if it were its own, 
agreed that the practice was intolerable 
and abolished insi is with ex- 
traordinary deference and speed. They 
knew, of course, who controlled —or who 
could control—the Federal Communica- 
tions Commission, and they wanted to 
protect their licenses. I thought they 
caved in far too quickly. I believe in 
"TV's getting the facts across and leaving 
people to draw their own conclusions, 
but I also think that exploratory, eluci 
datory comments after a broadcast are 
perfectly valid. One of the ironies of the 
period is that Nixon genuinely felt the 
media were out to get him, when, in fact, 
the media were accommodating him be- 
cause they felt he was about to get them. 
PLAYBOY: That may have been true of the 
three TV networks, but obviously, The 
Washington Post and The New York 
Times were not at all accommodating to 


“Nixon finally handed back 
the check like a small 
boy who'd thought he 
could get away with a 
cookie before dinner." 


Nixon. Apart from their Watergate re- 
portage. was there any reason he so thor- 
oughly disliked both newspapers? 

FROST: 1 think so, yes. The Times and 
the Post are immensely influential among 
the people a President meets. They both 
have a tremendous opinion-forming pow- 
er, and if you're President of the United. 
States, that's where you look for your re- 
views, I suppose. It’s not all that different 
from a producer who puts a show on 
Broadway; if his show gets slammed in the 
Times and the Post, he will not be as- 
suaged by the fact that a week later, the 
Bergen County, New Jersey, Record 
gives him a rave. Both the Times and the 
Post are read by members of the Eastern. 
establishment and reflect an Eastern- 
establishment point of view—which was 


stern establish 
s malign, as 


There is an Ea 
know, but I don't. think 
Nixon does. Indeed, it may be the most 
amazing source of wisdom since the crea- 


tion of man. In any case, the interesting 
thing is that there certainly was а gi 
from whom Nixon felt excluded. Wh 
ever they thought of him, however, once 
he became President, Nixon easily could 
have invited them in and reached a 
rapprochement with them. Their exclu- 
sion of the President was based on the 
President's exclusion of them. І mean, 
when someone becomes President, even 


if he's been the most unfashionable figure 
previously, he docs manage to get invited 
to the odd boutique opening, you know. 
All resources are available to a President, 
and it therefore takes a determined cru- 
sade to prevent being accepted by the 
establishment. I suspect the reason Nixon 
made it a crusade is that he'd reached а 
point where he overestimated anything 
Jess than adulation as a declaration of 
м 
PLAYBOY: At what point in your pursuit 
of the TV interviews did you finally get 
to meet with Nixon 
FROST: Our first meeting was on August 9, 
1974, and I announced the news of our 
agreement the next day. And the coinci- 
dence was, that was one year to the day 
after he'd left office. It was the first day 
I could get to San Clemente, which was 
about ten days after Swifty Lazar and I 
had agreed to the thing by telephone. 
Inevitably, a particular construction will 
be put upon anything Nixon does, but 
he really didn't plot and plan the an- 
nouncement to be released on his first 
anniversary, as it were, out of office. 
What really astonished me about him 
that day was that the haggard newspaper 
photos of Nixon bore no resemblance to 
the man in front of me. 1 mean, he 
looked healthy, and it wasn’t make-up. 
"The press, meanwhile, had been filled 
with reports saying, “Nixon can’t con- 
centrate for more than half ап hour," 
h turned out to be nonsense, be- 


cause at that fist meeting, he concen- 
hours. Although Lazar was 


trated for s 
there, Nixon was representing himself 
as a lawyer, and we spent a great deal 
of time discussing such things as the pro- 
visions of exclusivity, how the interview 
payments would affect his taxability, and 
so on. When we finally got to the end of. 
the contract and each page had been 
carried out and retyped, I had to sign a 
check for $200,000, which I did. Nixon 
quickly started to pocket it, at which 
point Lazar said to him, "Give it to me, 
you would." But Nixon resisted and 
resisted, until Swifty, having pointed 
out that it was customary to give the 
check to the agent, finally said, “Give it 
to me, puh-eeze." He said it very dis- 
tinctly. Nixon then realized it probably 
was conventional to do it Lazar's way— 
it is—and finally handed k the check 
и! small boy who'd thought he could 
get away with a cookie before dinner. 
Irving Paul Lazar is а very impressive 
man and Nixon owes him a great debt. 
PLAYBOY: Aside from Nixon's fitness, what 
struck you most strongly about him at 
that first meeting? 

FROST: His extraordinary ability to say 
things without realizing they were dou- 
bleentendres. For example, when we 
were talking about Brezhnev, the first 
thing he said was, "I wouldn't want to 
be a Russian leader. They never know 
when they're being taped.” He said that 
absolutely straight. 


PLAYBOY: Are you sure he wasn't putting 
you on? 
Frost: | watched him very closely to see 


if he was joking, but I don't think he 
was. 
PLAYEO: 
like that? 
Frost: As if in an interview, I suppose. 
You let it register inside, but you don’t 
necessarily show it outside. Small talk, 
of course, is never casy with Nixon. For 
instance, one day, Nixon—wanting to be 
one of the boys—turned to me 
strolled in to start taping and said, * 
you do any fornica 
And I just could not believe he'd said 
that. Quite apart from the fact that 
lovers use the word fornicating about as 
regularly as newsmen say, “Well, we've 
managed to trivialize matters again to- 
night, Henry." 1 mean, I just couldn't 
believe it. One almost had to warm to 
the sheer clumsiness of it all. It really 
did fascinate me that Nixon could have 
gotten through 30 years of polities, of 
attending countless fund raisers and 
such, and still be so bad at small talk. 
Another time, I was on my way to 
San Clemente and suddenly 1 saw that 
my shoes were dirty, which may or may 
not be unusual, because 1 normally nev- 
er notice my shoes. Well, when 1 got 
there and went in to sce Nixon, the first 
thing he said was, "Are those shoes Ital- 
ian?" That it should be the day Га no- 
ticed they were dirty was per 
but the point is, he was looking for 
something to talk about for fivc minutes 
before we got down to business 
PLAYBOY: Going into the 
you at all worried that you might finally 
be in over your head—that Nixon might 
be too skillful a debater for you to 
handle? 
FROST: Well, it would be much more my 
thinking—and I can remember thinking 
it—that if I'm not really at my best, then 
Im in trouble, Therefore, I must be at 
my best; therefore, I will be at my best— 
and on the day of an i ew, Тат at 
my best. 1 really don't think Га allow 
myself to feel overmatched, because, m 
all honesty, I don't think it’s part of my 
make-up. 
PLAYBOY: You are that unflappable? 
FROST: Yes, I think so. 1 could give you 
a more objective, distant answer, but I'm 
trying to explain my make-up a bit and 
the correlation 1 feel between self- 
confidence and self-criticism, and it’s a 
very complicated balance, that balance. E 
suppose that I'm an optimist. For in- 
nce, when I was writing my book 
bout the Nixon interviews, 1 would call 
up my rescarchers and say, "Well, chap- 
ter two has taken a little bit longer to 
write than I expected, but it's all down- 
hill now," and then, days later, I would 
call up again and say, "Well, chapter 
five took a bit longer to write than I 


How do you handle a moment 


ps ironic, 


Lcrviews, were 


st 


expected, but it's all downl: 
didn't mean that one wasn't flogging 
away, but one was always psyching one- 
self to feel on top of it, I guess. Against 
Nixon, of course, I knew I wasn't going 
to just sail through, for once we began 
taping, I quickly realized that here was 
n experienced lawyer and an outstand- 
ing debater who was at the peak of hi 
performing powers. When you interview 
politicians, as | have, you get used to 
asking them a question that starts in 
New York City and by the end of the 
answer they'll have got you to Boston— 
but usually, you're aware of what's going 
on as you leave the airport, Richard 
Nixon has the ability to have you 
checked in at the Ritz-Carlton before 
you can blink, 

PLAYBOY: How is he able to do that? 

frost: Oh, he has incredible technique 
and he really is a skillful performer. 
Kor instance, when 1 asked him if his 
meeting with Henry Kissinger the night 
belore he resigned was the most emo 
tional moment of the thing for him, 
Nixon began his answer by saying, "Yes, 
it was almost as emotional a moment as 
I have ever known—except, perhaps, for 
my farewell visit to President Eisenhow 
er.” And he then went into seven min 
utes of Eisenhower, with me sitting there 
thinking, Oh, please, no, not that. But 
he did it, and he did it superbly. It was 
a story about visiting Eisenhower for the 
last time, and Nixon miu 
into it the fact that Ike's language was 
pretty salty, just to give his own language 
a good precedent. Basically, it was about 
a visit made when Eisenhower was in 
hospital and he was bringing Ike greet- 
ings from statesme At the end 
of the story, as Nixon is leaving, Ike can 
scarcely speak, but he raises a fi 
hand—and at that point, Nixon raised 
his own hand and acted the scene out 


aged to bring 


chnique in talking about Kis- 
singer was also brilliant. He wanted to 
portray Henry as somewhat erratic and 
mercurial, a man who needed the fathei 
ly strength of a Nixon to see him 
through. And so Nixon always started 
with a compliment about Kissinger, but 
then, as you examined the compliment, 
there was an underlying instability that 
was being pointed to. And it was all 
done with deftness, with an almost puc 
ish, pixyish ability to score points. Nix- 
on's entire essay on Henry and the 
terrible things Henry said about him 
was nothing less than a masterpicce. As 
he launched into it, 1 began logging the 
points Nixon was scoring. He started by 
saying, “To tell you the truth, when 
Henry says things about me, it drives 
my family up the wall, and it's only be- 
cause it worries them that it worries me." 
Two points for Nixon right there: One, 
that Henry's a louse and he upsets poor 


sd 
BRADSHAW, 12... BALDNESS, 0 


Terry scores 
over hair loss 
with New Man 
‘Qaylar’.. 


AT YOUR 


IEW MAN 


BARBER/STYLIST 


[1 [1 1 selected New Man because | am 
darned demanding and New Man Qaylar 
answered ай my needs. Natural looking . 
natural living. Work or Play. And now you can 
get with New Man, too. At one of the thousands 
of certified, tained New Man barber/stylists 
coast-to-coast. 

Look for the display with my picture or send 
for name and address of the New Man 

Stylist nearest you. Mj 


es 
CALL 800-328-0788 


In Minnesota Call Collect (612) -545-3838 


Mr. Terry Bradshaw 
[УУ © World Headquarters 
7325 Wayzata Blvd. 
\ Minneapolis, Minnesota 55426 À 


1 am interested in natural appearance, 
too. Please tell me about New Man 


Qaylar. 
Name 


Phone ( J 

©1977 NEW MAN and QAYLAR are registered 
trademarks of the Allen Arthur Co. Dept. P4-8. 
=a Ss Se 


75 


PLAYBOY 


76 


Pat and poor Tricia and poor Julie; and, 
two, Nixon himself is too big a man to 
be upset by what Henry says. Nixon 
went through item after item where the 
reverse of what he said was true. Another 
example; "Oh, 1 used to like going to 
parties. Henry still likes going to parties, 
but you know, he'll get tired of them, 
too.” Conclusion: Yes, Henry will grow 
up just like Nixon has. And throughout 
all these points, Nixon was scoring, scor- 
ing, scoring. To top it off, Nixon talked 
about the disputed “prayer meeting" he 
had with Kissinger the night before he 
announced his resignation, and in his 
version, Nixon is telling Kissinger he 
mustn't resign. And then he sees tears in 
Kissinger's eyes. And so, because he can't 
bear to see a person cry, Nixon cries, the 
implication being, yes, the prayer meet- 
ing did take place and we did cry; but 
Henry started it. Н was brilliant stuff, 
great television—and it underlined the 
fact that Nixon was at the peak of his 
form. 

PLAYBOY: Do you know what 
reaction to that was? 

FROST: Yes, I do. After the program had 
gone on the air, Kissinger said to me, 
“You know, this was the eve of Nixon's 
departure from the White House. Yet, 
from his account, you would have 
thought the subject of our meeting was 
my resignation, not hi 
PLAYBOY: What kinds of ploys did Nixon 
use on you? 

FROST: During the first few days of taping, 
l would just study his technique, He 
eventually said something about Brezh- 
nev's following the principle of Lenin, 
which Advance with bayonet. If you 
encounter mush, proceed. If you en- 
counter steel, withdraw.” That was Nix- 
оп'з debating strategy. 

PLAYBOY: How did he employ it? 

Frost: Well, I remember him making a 
rather obscure point about the amount 
of arms the South Vietnamese had in 
April of 1975, and he said something to 
the effect that, "In many arcas, they were 
outgunned three to one.” And then 1 
made a point 1 wanted to bring out, 
that the Congress d t lose the war by 
finally cutting off arms to South Viet- 
nam. 1 didn't particularly want to pur- 
sue the point about whether the South 
Vietnamese were specifically outgunned 
three to one in certain areas. Nixon, of 
course, had covered himself the first time 
by saying, "In many areas, they were out- 
gunned three to one," so that if I said— 
which I didn't—“No, they weren't out- 
gunned three to one,” Nixon could have 


)ger's 


said, y, David, but in Whack Ме 
Knock, they were outgunned three to 
one.” He probably had one or two areas 


up his sleeve that he could talk about, 
but since that wasn’t the thrust of the 
discussion, I didn't pick the point up. 
And so he dragged it back two or three 


minutes later by saying, “You'd be pretty 
frightened if you were outgunned three 
to one.” Now, because I hadn't picked it 
up the first time, he dared the second 
time not to even qualify it. Do you know 
what I mean? He protected himself the 
first time, and then he thought, Uh-huh, 
proceed with bayonet, 

PLAYBOY: He felt he was about to en- 
counter more mush? 

Frost: Thats right, because I hadn't 
challenged him. It was actually a detour, 
though. He couldn't realize I was sitting 
there and thinking, Boring, boring, 
and that the material would be edited 
out. The point is, 1 knew from those 
very formative moments that №. 
a killer in debate if you let him be. I 
recognized early on that if he encoun- 
tered mush in the Watergate questions, 
he would proceed. In fact, if he found a 
chink in our armor, he would drive a 
truck through й. Really, I was aware 
that he had the ability to do that and 
I had to know how to combat it when 


———— 
“Nixon was a killer in 
debate. I recognized 
that if he found a chink 
inour armor, he would 
drive a truck through it.” 
—— 


we got to Watergate. Although we tele- 
cast that program first, we hadn't taped 
the Watergate material until our eighth 
session, 

PLAYBOY: Was a tough exploration of 
Watergate the underlying aim of your 
Nixon interviews? 

Frost: I thought it would be the most 
spectacular part of the interviews and, 
in a sense, would be the touchstone 
of the interviews’ success. І remember 
once moderating a round-table discus- 
sion about marriage, and on the subject 
of sex in marriage, one of the psychia- 
trists present said, “If it’s right, it's only 
30 percent; if it’s wrong, it's 90 percent.” 
Likewise, one could have said that if the 
Watergate interviews had been wrong, 
they would have been 90 percent of the 
project. Since they were right, they prob- 
ably became 50 percent, because once 
Watergate had been ventilated in a way 
that demonstrated the seriousness of the 
project, people were prepared to listen 
to discussions of other subjects, such as 
foreign policy. But if Watergate hadn't 
worked. then somehow a terrific story 
about Brezhnev would haye been less 
acceptable. 

PLAYBOY: How did you prepare for your 
Watergate interview with Nixon? 

FROST: I realized I had to get across a com- 


plex set of points in such a way that not 
only would 17 devoted Watergate schol- 
ars know that I made them but the pub- 
lic would, too. And so I worked hard to 
be able to present those complex points 
with clarity. 

I also made lists of things about М 
on and Watergate that I felt I could or 
couldn't prove. Some of the “couldn't 
proves” were circumstantially strong. For 
instance, Herbert Kalmbach, Nixon's 
lawyer, raised funds to be used as hush 
moncy for the Watergate defendants. 
Now, would an Ehrlichman or a Halde- 
man have dared use the President's law- 
yer for such a task without OKing it 
with the President? It seems unlikely, 
but we couldn't prove that that money 
was transferred by Kalmbach with 
Nixon's approval. And so, if I ques 
tioned Nixon about that, he could 
just say, “Well, I didn’t know anyth 
about that.” Along the same lines, prior 
to the Watergate break-in, would Mitch- 
ell have held meetings with Liddy to 
discuss massive intelligence plans with- 
out OKing it with Haldeman—and with- 
out Haldeman's OKing it with Nixon? 
Again, unlikely, but, again, we couldn't 
prove it. What I had to look for was di- 
rect involvement, so that I could put 
questions to Nixon in a way that he 
couldn't reply, “Well, I didn't know 
anything about that." 

And, of course, 1 had to study the 
tapes. I mean, it was Nixon's life, but I 
knew those tapes as well as he did, and 
better in some cases. We also had impor- 
tant new tapes that Jim Reston, a staff 
member on the project, had discovered 
through sheer diligent research. Jim 
found them by reading through the rec- 
ords of the Watergate trial. Anybody 
could have done the same thing, but no 
one did. Everyone assumed that what 
was in the records was what was played 
at the trial: it turned out that what was 
accidentally left in the records were some 
extra conversations between Nixon and 
Colson. They were never played in court, 
because Colson copped a plea and, there- 
fore, it wasn't relevant to play them. But 
they were in the records, and they were 
quite revealing. [Reston’s account of his 
discovery of these and other key docu- 
ments appears on р Т 
PLAYBOY: Exactly what did they reveal? 
FROST: On the afternoon of June 20, 
1972—just three days after the W. 
gate break-in—Nixon showed a rem 
able knowledge of what had gone on. In 
that conversation, I think, he says things 
like, “We've got to have lawyers who can 
delay" and “Hunt's a hardline guy.” It 
was a conversation that portrayed a 
grasp of knowledge on June 20th that 
Nixon was not known to have had. Nix- 
on claimed that the first time he learned 
about the cover-up was on March 21, 


Impress friends and influence people. 


Seagram's VO. 


Bottled in Canada. Preferred throughout the world. 


CANADIAN WHISKY. A BLEND OF CANADA'S FINEST WHISKIES. 6 YEARS OLD. 86.8 PROOF. SEAGRAM DISTILLERS TO., НУС. 


PLAYBOY 


78 


the well 


The fragrance 


е = 


i$ wearing. 


Pierre Cardin Mans Cologne 


dressed man 


1973, from John Dean, but on February 
13th and February Hih, in conversa 
tions with Golson, he was using the 
word cover-up and saving. “It’s the 
cover-up that's th * and all 
of that. A month ahead of when this 
revelation was supposed to have struck 
him, And so one or all of those were 
crucial conversations. 

PLAYBOY: More crucial than the famed 
“smoking gun" tape of June 23, 1972, in 
which Nixon acquiesced іп Haldeman's 
plan to have the CIA block the FBI's 
Watergate investigation? 

clear from the smok- 
ing-gun ta t Nixon knew he was 
blocking the FBI's probe in order to 
protect the identities of some people in- 
volved in the V gate breakin rather 
than for national security. When that tape 
was released. it маз enou to do 
the trick; Nixon left office four days 
later. If the June 20th tape had been 
released instead, I think it would have 
had a similar impact. In other words, 
it was а very key conversation, indeed. 
PLAYBOY: You obviously did your home- 


m 


work before challenging Nixon on Wa 
ate. Do you [eel he was as ready for 


you as you were for him? 
FROST: J really wouldn't want you to think 
med by the scale of the chal- 
l was. After our first seven ses- 
I realized the odds were by no 
but I also felt that 
be going into the first of 
our two Watergate inter le over- 
confident, perhaps. As he looked over 
our transcripts, he would see only 
olated periods when Га confronted 
him, lor in our early conversations, 1 
followed a policy of not confronting 
him for the sake of confrontation. Td 
challenged him on Cambodia and Chile 
and on some crime statistics, but Nixon 
might well have underestimated the dif- 
ference in nature between Watergate 
and the grain deals with Russia or his 
nomination of Harrold Carswell for the 
Supreme Court. Га mentally edit out 
sequences I knew we couldn't use, and 
so, instead of interrupting Nixe га 
let him finish his point 

But the Watergate program had to be 
diflerent. For one thing, we'd always 
agreed that we'd take a total of six hours 
to cover the complexities of Watergate. 
which meant that Pd have to keep a 
tight hold on the proceedings. For anoth- 
er I felt that while the interview was 
as such, when we got to 
е, it had to be conducted ac- 
10 those kinds of disciplines. 
Nixon adopted a stonewall de 
fense, which is what occurred, I felt I 
would have to use the same sort of ad- 
versary procedure one sees in a trial 
Which also meant that 1 had to find 
convers: 


ion to be tough but 
asn't 


way i 
polite; I had to make sure that I w 


The mans all legs and 
knowseverything about feet. 
Listen: 

“Boots have to look great — 
but they also have to be made 
for whatever you're going to 
be doing in them. That's why, 
when you say boots, you gotta 
say Dingo?” 

Like O.J. Simpson, we 
mean what we say, and what 
we say is: Nobody Puts 
Leather Together Like Dingo. 


Nobody Puts Leather Together Like " Dingo. 


Acme Boot Co., Inc., Dept. 052. Clarksville. Tenn. 37040. Toll-free 800-251-1382 (Except in Tenn). A subsidiary of Northwest Industries, Inc. 79 


PLAYBOY 


80 


counterproductively rude and therefore 
moving sympathy over to the other side. 
It’s one thing, you know, to say what 
you think of Nixon pri it's an- 
other to find the right way to express it 
face to face without stunting the dialog. 
In any event, when we began discussing 
Watergate, the tape of June 23rd was 
the first real crunch in nailing down 
that on that date he became guilty of 
an obstrucion of justice. 

PLAYBOY: There's no doubt in your mind 
about that? 

FROST: No doubt whatsoever. And no 
doubt, either, in the minds of people 
who watched it that his guilt was estab- 
lished. But I think it came as a consid- 
erable shock to Nixon. Having settled 
on a highly legalistic defense, I think 
he was surprised that we could puncture 
it and make the point that an obstruc- 
tion of justice is an obstruction of justice, 
whether it’s for five minutes or for 
two weeks. And that, by definition, if 
he gave orders that limited culpability to 
the five people already arrested—and pre- 
vented others whom he knew to be guilty 
from being arrested—that, per se, was an 
obstruction of justice. 

PLAYBOY: Had that argument never been 
raised before? 

FROST: Well, I don't think it had ever 
been raised to him. I don't think he'd 
ever argued it with someone who could 


argue it back and win. I think Nixon 
believed that going the legalistic route 
would suffice and that he'd be able to 
prevail by saying things like, "Well, 
you probably haven't read the obstruc- 
tion-of-justice statute.” But I had. That 
was the kind of thing he thought he 
could get away with and didn't. 
Basically, he was doing a classic N 
onian defense, in the sense that he was 
saying more than one thing at the same 
time. He stated that he was not doing 
anything criminal, because his only con- 
cern had been—well, it wavered, what 
his only concern had been. For instance, 
his only concern had been that the FBI 
investigation of Watergate might get into 
areas that would embarrass the CI nd 
since the CIA agreed, perhaps the CIA 
would step in and stop the FBI investi- 
gation. But his actual instructions to the 
CIA were, “Stop the investigation, peri- 
od.” He didn't issue a genial invitation 
over a drink for them to go along if they 
happened to agree. The key point was 
that whatever Nixon's motive, it was ir 
relevant. Motive is an adjunct to estab- 
lishing a crime, not an essential. I then 
made the point about the March 21st 
tape in which he effectively condoned 
blackmail payments to Howard Hunt. I 
used a list of 16 points from that tape 
to show that the one or two points Nixon 
had pulled out of the conversation to 


justify his point of view were over- 
whelmed by the weight of the evidence 
the other way. The main point of his 
defense was that he hadn't actually ap- 
proved the payment, but my point was 
that he hadn't stopped it and, indeed, 
had positively encouraged it. He tried 
to take a remark he'd made about clem- 
ency for Hunt—"No, it’s wrong, that’s 
for sure"—and use it as proof he was 
saying no to the blackmail payments, 
but that was real nonsense. There were 
two kinds of nonsense in that. First, 
when he said it would be wrong, in con- 
text it was clear that he was making a 
tactical rather than a moral decision about 
clemency. Secondly, he argued that bc- 
cause he ruled out clemency, he must 
have been ruling out blackmail, and that 
makes no sense whatever. The day ended. 
very soon after I cited the 16 points 
that people seem to remember so clearly. 
Nixon's response to them closed out the 
session—and it was a very muled re- 
sponse in terms of any degree of con- 
vincingness. 

PLAYBOY: How did you feel about the way 
the interview had gone? 

FROST: 1 was euphoric, because that was 
the toughest confrontation of them all. 
We conducted the interviews in a private 
home in Monarch Bay, near San Cle- 
mente, and when we finished taping that 
day, Nixon went into the kitchen to talk 


e 
Ultimate 
Lockback 


The Uncle Henry Bear Paw” 


by Schrade 


Pivot Post/Lock Bar of Schrade + Steel® 
makes the Bear Paw completely rust resistant; 
insures the most rigid, durable construction 
ever offered in a lockback knife. 
The 3%” blade of rust resistant Schrade + 
Steel opens and closes easier than any other 


lockback. 


The handles are WondaWood? and the 


тош 


from date of warranty registration. 


Schrade Cutlery Corp., New York 12428 


bolsters and linings are solid brass. It comes 
—— with a top-grain, steerhide sheath. 
Each knife is serialized, and guaranteed against loss for 1 year 


Th 
Ultimate 


Guarantee 
If you lose it, Uncle Henry 
will replaceit free. 


Sony's 7" (measured diagonally) black-and- 


Ў, 


white portable can follow you anywhere. 
Fromroomtoroom, orevenout of the house. 
Its 100% solid-state, has a built-in battery 
compartment, and a glare-free screen for 
easy viewing outside. Easy to handle (15 
pounds with optional batteries) and easy to 
watch, our little Sony puts on quite a show. 


Model TY-770 Black/White Portable. TV Picture simulated. 
© 1977 Sony Corp. of America SONY is a trademark of Sony Corp. 


“IT’S A SONY.” 


to some of the people who'd been watch- 
g- Bob Zelnick, who headed our c 
torial team, had been filled with a 
terrible sense of foreboding about 
the Watergate material a week carlier, 
but when he came up to me, he was 
just ecstatic. Meanwhile, Nixon’s aides, a 
very honorable group of men, were talk- 
ing with John Birt, my coproducer. Jack 
n, who'd been Nixon's military 
n the White House, saying, 
mistake, what 
didn’t want him to go th 

Khachigian, who was acting as Nix- 
on's head researcher, was saying, "Yes, 
the President of the United Sta 
himself look like a crimi 
with David as prosecutor. 
one subject we couldn't 
about. It was just too 
about then, Diane Saw 
She'd been in charge of pro’ 


with Watergate research lor his “book. 
and she said, “He hasn't reached the 
Watergate part of his memoirs yet, so 


none of us knew what he was going to 
say.” Which is mind-boggling, because 
they were preparing Nixon for the in- 
terv in the same way our researchers 
were preparing me, yet none of them 
knew what he would say about Water- 
gate. Obviously, to use a Nixon phrase. 
he had decided то "tough it out"—or 
to try to tough it out. Rut it hadn't 
worked. It hadn't worked at all. 


PLAYBOY: Had vou anticipated that Kin 
of result? 

FROST: I only expected—and this was my 
jon—to be able to make our 
І thought our case would come 
through as the dominant case by the end 
of the proceedings, but I really didn't 
expect to win each exchange, to win each 
ly. To put it in tennis terms, I never 
expected to beat such à tough opponent 
6-0; maybe 7-5, but not 6-0. Oddly 
enough. I usually tend to talk about 
Nixon's not having won rather than 
my having beaten him, but I suppose 
that’s British understatement, Rather like 
the rich man in England who said to 
his chauffeur, “Drive over that cliff, 
James. I've decided to commit suicide.” 

I guess the reason J felt on a cloud at 
the end of that day was that I knew— 
and Nixon knew—that оп Watergate, 
in the last resort, it was him or me. lt 
was really like that. And it didn't mat- 
ter that Nixon was a former President 
and a lawyer and all of those things. 
If I couldn't establish our case. then 
Га be seen to have suffered a massive 
defeat. Anyway, that was the first stage 
of the Watergate program. 

PLAYBOY: What was tlie second? 

FROST: Something happened to Richard 
Nixon during the two days we had be- 
tween Watergate tapings. I still wonder 
what those two days were like. For the 
second Watergate taping, N 


e. He'd always been punctual to the 
ute, and the onc day I'd been a 
little late, he'd made а passing reference 
to it, saying, “I always allow for the pos 
sibility of traffic jams.” The Presidential 

ing through. And then 
he arrived 17 minutes late, looking five 
years older than he had two days before. 


r the first time in 
those two days. because normally, no one 
was franchised to interrogate him the 
he'd just been interrogated. And to 
the extent that what eventually emerged 
on the second day was the product of 
the debacle he'd suffered on the first day, 
well, 1 don't really know. I do know, 
however, that he came prepared to go 
further than he had the first day. It was 
a question of my pushing him and push- 
ing him to do it. 

PLAYBOY: How 
point? 

FROST: We bey 


you get him to that 


the second Watergate 
session by talking about Nixon's coach- 
ing of witnesses, the phony Dean report 
and the fact that the next man Nixon 
appointed to discover the "truth" about 
Watergate was John Ehrlichman. 1 said 
to him, “That's a bit like asl 
Capone to produce a report on org; 
crime in Chicago.” } then asked him. 
cvertheles, whatever else you say 
about March 21st, the whole point was— 
why didn't you call the cops? At the 


81 


PLAYBOY 


B2 


very least, that should have been done.” 
By then. Nixon was ready to start vol- 
untecring, and as a result, the next hour 
and a half was filled with extraordinary 
emotion and electricity. I told him he 
needed to go further than merely ad. 
mitting to mistakes and misjudgments. I 
told him the public wouldn't accept that. 
One felt almost a sense of awe or dis- 
belief that one was placed in the posi- 
tion of having to cnunciate that. 
PLAYBOY: Had you planned that in 
advanc 
Frost: No, I hadn't. but in reading it 
gain, I don't think Fd change a word 
of it. Wed just taken a breather. and 
when we came back, I said, “Now, won't 
you go further than ‘mistakes,’ this word 
t doesn't scem enough?" And then 
i Well, what word do you 
suggest? was the most heart-stop- 
ping question I'd ever been asked. And 
1 responded with a three-pronged answer. 
First of all, he ought to go further than 
mistakes, because there might, indeed, 
'€ been a crime committed. Two, in 
terms of abuse of power, he'd abused his 
oath of office. And, three, 1 said 1 thought 
he needed to apologize to the American 
people for putting them through two 
years of needless pain. By then, one was 
able to say something as wrenching as 
that, firmly but conversationally, which 
was the point we'd reached. I would 
never have envisaged until that. minute 
that one could say something like that. 
And I went on to tell him, “Those are 
the three things | think you need to say 
nd if you don't, 1 think you'll be haunted 
by it for the rest of your life.” 
PLAYBOY: How did Nixon react to that? 
FROST: It was almost as if the breath had 
been driven out of his lungs. There was 
long pause, and then he started slowly, 
as he often did, and for the next 20 mi 
utes or so, with appropriate nudges from 
me, he addressed himself to what I'd said, 
The climactic three or four minutes were 
triggered off when Nixon sa 
now, how do I feel about. Ше 
people? Let me come to that.” By then, 
it was no longer Nixon versus Frost: it 
was Nixon versus Nixon. How much of 
his own conduct could he confront? 
There was finally a moment where ? 
on just caught his breath—and I remember 
catching mine, as well—and he then said, 
“Yup, I let the American people down, 
ad I have to live with that for the rest 
My political life i 
We had reached a peak, and wh 
finished, I said something like, 
said this was a burden you'll have to 
y with you for the rest of your life, 
І think it may be a little. lighter alter 
what you've just said." Nixon answered, 
‘Oh, 1 doubt it. People will go on har- 
g me” And then there was the sort 
of decompression period divers go through 
when diey come back up to the surface or 
climbers go through when they come 


Nixon 


over." 


п he 
You 


ca 


ау 


down from the mountaintop. We were 
at the end of the session and I thanked 
him and said, “You know, we seem to 
have been more through a life than an 
interview.” And that was it. 

PLAYBOY: Your work on the Nixon inter- 
views was obviously much better than 
most media observers thought it would 
be, Ne onc, noted that you 
putation as an obliging foil for com- 
ics and crooners on American TV” raised 
doubts about your ability to pin Nixon 
down. Did that sort of «ійіс disturb 
you? 

FROST: Well, I think it’s kind of funny 
how selective people's memories can be. 
Ironically enough, 1 think memory spans 
are sometimes shorter among one’s col- 
leagues in media than among the public. 
Iter 1 pioncered That Was 


ck, for 


the Week That Was in England and was 
about to do a talk show in the U.S, I 
read in the newspapers that 

i rost is about to do 


“And then Nixon said, 


‘Well, what word do you 
suggest? That was the most 
heart-stopping question 
I'd ever been asked." 


show, I became “talk-show-host David 
st" as if I'd never done That Was 
the Week That Was. And in the course 
ol The David Frost Show here, one had 
done Spiro Agnew debating three of his 
leading student critics, one had confront- 
ed Adam Clayton Powell and done a lot 
of other serious programs, which is why 
we won an Emmy, But, nevertheless, 
people remember what's convenient, and 
that’s OK. І don’t criticize them for that. 
JE they feel they must give me the shaft, 
as Nixon would say, 1 won't hold it 
against them! Not me 
PLAYBOY: Thats very magnanimous of 
vid. Still, many people do have 
ion of you as a smiling, self- 
ng. perhaps even smarmy cha 
acter who's all surface charm and glibness. 
FROST: Well, I don't know that 1 would 
characterize it exactly like that, thank 
you. 1 do know, however, that one some- 


ge. illogical 


is sometimes referred to in 
multiplicity ol careers.” 


І think 
a multiplicity of carcers is the way to 


Now, 


stay fresh, to stay alert, to Кеср on one’s 
mental toes. But, yes, 1 sometimes sense 
a mild resentment among. say, television 
aitics in England over the fact that, in 


addition to being a TV performer, 1 am 
also a businessman. And among financial 
editors, there may be a mild resentment 
that I am also an interviewe 


People, you sce, like to pigeonhole you, 


which is why, when my interviews with 
Nixon were announced, there was talk 
about, “Well, he's not a fulltime jour- 
alist. He does other things. He inter- 
views Julie Andrews and Jack Benny. He 
docs the Guinness Book of World Rec- 
ords shows. Не% a book publisher. He 
produces films and TV series, He gives 
lectu; Well. I love that mixture, I 
like the fact that 1 can appear before 
audiences and make people laugh. 1 like 
putting together a group of people and 
making a film. 1 like variety, and so I 
have always fought against categoriza 
tion. I mean, "Methodist minister's son” 
would do just as fine or beter for 
me than “satirist” or “talk-show host" 
or "producer 

1 ао think the fact that one doesn't 
do the same thing all the time probably 
makes one fresher for each task one 
proaches, whether it’s a week on radio 
in Australia, or presenting a Neil Di 
mond tour to Australia, or writing a 
book, or producing 
called Jennie that st ^ 
or producing a film like The Slipper 
and the Rose, which was England's Com- 
1 Perform: Film of 1976, the 
Academy Award for 


mean? Although one keeps a lot of ball 
in the one has the ability 
centrate on one project at 
insta 
to be only an emcee. 1 Iove 
but I'd hate to be only an interviewer. 
І like organizing things, but ГА hate to 
be only an or Actually, there are 
only two sorts of categories in my life. 
One is the category of “making things 
happen," as a producer or organizer. The 
other is taking on personal projects that 
опе wants to carry through every stage of 
the way by one’s self, like the Nixon 
interviews, But I'd hate to be in either 
ol those categorics all of the time. 

PLAYBOY: You may well abhor being cate- 
gorized, but in this country, 
people are far more familiar w 


to con- 


е. I like emceeing, 1 


h your 


work as an interviewer than as a satirist. 
author, lecturer, produce 
" 


publisher, mu- 
id whatever else you do 
indolence. In fact, there 
TV critics who now willi 


sic proma 
lo avoid 
some U. S. 


terviewer around. Do you agree? 
FROST: 1 certainly j those 
kinds of articles more than some oth 
but, obviously, I'd run a mile from 
aiming that. But I must say, І don't 
mind reading it. 

PLAYBOY: How would you define what 
you do as an interviewer? 
Frost: Well, 1 think th. 
information business r 


ther th 


in the 
n the 


Give your drinks 
every advantage. 


Makea Mist with Seagram's 7 and give it та 
the advantage of great taste and consistent. р SS == 
quality. Just pour 2 oz. over crushed ice and eV. LS 
garnish with a twist of lemon. 2 


Seagram's 1 Crown 


Where quality drinks begin. 


‘SCAGRAM DISTILLRS CO., NY. C. AMERICAN WHISKEY—A ELEND. 80 PROOF 


83 


PLAYBOY 


84 


Walt Garrison 
football and rodeo star 


I love tobacco. 
I don't smoke. 


My tobacco pleasure is Smokeless. | get full tobacco enjoyment 
without lighting up, or tying up my hands. You can too. With 
Copenhagen, for straight tobacco taste. Or with my favorite, Skoal, 
with the wintergreen flavor. And there's mild Happy Days. All three 
are dated for freshness. 

Take a pinch and put it in between your cheek and gum. You'll 
see that going smokeless is a mighty nice way to enjoy tobacco. 

f you've never tried smokeless tobacco, we'd like to send you 
a few free pinches of mild Happy Days. Just write to: “Smokeless 
Tobacco; U.S. Tobacco Company, Dept. PL048, 
Greenwich, Conn. 06830. 


: E ce 
К 5 inch is all i S. 
~ р 


©1978 US. Tobacco Company Olfer not available to minors, 


opinion business. And that my job is tc 
draw out other people. To draw out therr 
opinions and their feelings. rather than 
to state my own. T think that once you 
make the decision to be ап interviewer 
you're also making the decision not to 
cditorialize, particularly. Ones job. in 
essence, is 10 acr as a catalyst rather than 
as a campaigner. If you want to be a cam 
paigner a crusader, stating your own 
opinions and editorializing. then you be- 
come a columnist rather than an inter- 
viewer. Bur nobody gives you five nights 
а week, 90 minutes а night, to spout 
your own opinions. you know. By defi- 
nition, that is not what the airwaves 
are for. And, therefore. I think that you 
make that conscious decision. Which 
doesn't mea 
former at heart or that you don't still 
want то bring out the 
10 bring out the facts, all right, bur you 
also want to let people draw th 
conclusions, rather thin you looking into 
the camera at the end of an interview 
and saying, “And so, of course, you re- 
alize that my guest tonight is a fink, a 
complete snerd.” I think you have to 
forgo that role if you arc an interviewer 
PLAYBOY: By doing all that, do you find 
that you muzzle yourself? There are, 
after all, a number of other interview- 
em—Mike Wallace comes to mind— 
who adopt a far more outspoken stance 
than you do. 

FROST: But not necessarily оп public 
questions. Mike Wallaces techniques 
are Mike's and mine are mine, and 1 
happen to think he’s extremely good. 
But | must say, I have no idea wl 
Mike's position is on abortion or capita 
punishment, or, indeed, how he even 
voted in the last three Presidential elec 
tions. And I think in that sense, Mike 
ce and I are probably very similar, 
1 neither of us makes a platform 
out of our views. In general, I don’t 
think it's consistent with one's role as an 
ty 
in an election. On the other hand, Гуе 
never wanted (о endorse 
party, because I've never fel 
faith in any Гуе s г 
пайа or Amer gen 
pendent, so it’s not been a particularly 
great sacrifice. But on individual issues— 
alter 


nd 


1 thar you're not still a re 


facts. You want 


own 


imterviewer to endorse a political ра 


are for prisoners, capital punish 
ment, and so on—I have declared my 
self. I think, however, that it would be 
very difficult for an interviewer to be 
known to have a party line that covers 
а whole series of jssues. An interviewer 
should remain independent and should 
approach each interviewee with an open 
mind. but not an empty one. 

PLAYBOY: If you had to choose one quali 
ty that has enabled you to become an 
adroit interviewer, what would it be: 
FROST: An 
I first went to Australia in "72, one of 
the TV channels there followed me 
around and did a documentary about 


nate sense of curiosity. When 


More comfortable than feet. 

Hush Puppies*are so comfortable, your feet will 
think you forgot your shoes. 

The fit's a natural. Easygoing, soft as barefoot. The 
feel, lightweight, flexible, free. 

And wherever the good life takes you, they support 
you in sure style. With firmly cushioned innersoles. Extra 
support in the arches. Soles that flex the way feet do. 

Shown: Camper in pigskin and smooth leather. 
Contemporary, casual, comfortably affordable Hush Puppies. 


Hush Puppies, 


Good looks never felt so good. 2: 


©1978 Wolverine World Wide, Inc., Rockford, Michigan 49351 


PLAYBOY 


86 


me that they called What Makes People 
Tick Fascinates Me. That sums up what 
I feel about interviewing, and I think 
that's at the root of why I enjoy it so. 
But all interviewing—particularly tele- 
vision interviewing—is also an almost 
physical thing involving eye contact and 
а certain mutuality. It may be mutual 
rapport or mutual admiration or mutual 
respect, or sometimes mutual caginess ог 
mutual wariness, but there has to be a 
kind of meeting place between the two 
people involved. 
PLAYBOY: Do you fecl there's a great deal 
of technique involved in interviewing? 
Frost: I think the most important inter- 
viewing technique of all is simply, A, to 
listen and, B, to respond by thin! 
your fect. 1 mean, I've been interviewed 
by people who I knew were not listen- 
к: хо 1 know what that’s like. Not long 
ago, in fact, I was interviewed on ra 
by someone who wasn't listening to me 
at all. so. for my own amusement, I 
ended an answer by saying, “And then, 
of course, I married the Pope's first 
wife.” And the guy still said, “Yes, yes, 
Mr. Frost, but what about the Common 
Market? Do you think butter tariffs will 
eventually increase?” Aside from listen- 
ing and thinking on your feet, there are, 
of course, a number of other techniques 
one is conscious of. 
PLAYBOY: Such as 
Frost: The value of silence, for example. 
If you pause when a person thinks he's 
got to the end of what he has to say, he'll 
often. спо h carry on and volunteer 
something important. Sensing when a 
person is ready to go, so to speak, is quite 
nportant. There are many things you 
have to be aware of, you know. I mean, 
there are times when you'll be interview. 
ng some of the most powerful men in the 
world and you'll suddenly realize that 
they're extraordinarily nervous. ] re- 
member that was true of Hugh Cudlipp, 
who was then the most powerful pub- 
lisher in Britain. I would have expected 
him to be immensely relaxed, but sec- 
onds before we started a live ТҮ in- 
terview, I realized that he was nervous 
as a kitten. So E just changed the first 
question to a very relaxed first question 
and we were able to go on from there. 
One really has to suit technique to 
the occasion. I said before that an inter- 
viewer's job is to act as а catalyst, but 
one must also step in when facts are 
being done a disservice. That was the 
case when I interviewed Enoch Powell, 
the racist British Member of Parliament 
who's a very brilliant man but one who 
perverts the facis. At one point in our 
terview, he said, “In the year 2000, 
Britain will have 7,500,000 blacks," 
or new members of ihe Common- 
wealth or whatever the euphemism 
жаз. That was a very controversial 
overestimate, in any case, but what 
Powell neglected to add was that 


Britain’s population had been calculated 
to rise from 50,000,000 in 1968, when he 
said that, to 75,000,000 in 2000—and he 
was making that 7,500,000 figure of h 
seem applicable to Bri 
as of 1968. It was a willful distortion, 
for no intelligent person does such а 
g accidentally. At moments like that, 
you step in and become a principal. 
On another quite different occasio 
I remember interviewing Baldur Von 
Schirach, a Nazi war criminal who, as 
head of Hitler Youth in the Thirties, 
was responsible for the corruption of 
young minds in Germany before being 
appointed Gauleiter Reichsstatthaller of 
Vienna in the Forties, 1 interviewed him 
at his home in Trossingen, Germany, 
just alter he'd finished serving 20 years 
in Spandau, In talking to him before the 
мегуйем, it was clear that if I just sort 
of accused him in terms of what the 
Nazis had done, Га get a brief, terse, 
spurious apology. He really had по 
comprehension of the enormity of what 


the Nazis had done, and so another 


————— 
“Amin struck me more as 
cunning than insane, though 
I walked away with a 
sense that he probably was 


a loose can on the deck.” 
—— M 


technique had to be found. I decided 
it would be much more telling to uy to 
underline his total lack of awareness 
and contrition, and so І focused the 
interview that way. You know, when 
you ask someone like that, "What's the 
one thing future generations in Ger- 
many should know about Adolf Hitler?” 
there's only one answer to that question: 
The genocide of 6,000,000 people. Well, 
when I asked Baldur Von Schirach that 
question, he replied, “7а wonderful way 
zat he dealt with unemployment in za 
Thirties.” His answer made its own 
point much more chillingly than a brief, 
spurious apology. 
PLAYBOY: Thus f 
about your 
any fiascoes? 
FROST: Not really, though I'd that 
an interview I once did with Idi Amin 
served as а good example of an occasion 
where the barriers of language impeded 
learning a great deal about the person. 
That was done five years ago, when it 
was clear that Amin was a micromonster 
but not yet clear he was a macromonster. 
In other words, he was then thought to 
be wreaking havoc as opposed to car- 
nage. Anyway, in our interview, Amin's 
unfamiliarity with English compounded 
the impression that he was insane. 1 


we've heard only 
umphs. Can you recall 


remember his saying, “And I had a 
dream that I should expel all the Asians, 
and I had a dream that I should expel 
them in the middle of the night,” and so 
on. Interestingly enough, the acting 
British High Commissioner in Kampala 
told me that Amin had little choice but 
to expel the Asians; they'd set themselves 
up as such a hated ghetto of wealth that 
their fate was almost inevitable. So if, 
instead of talking about a dream, Amin 
had merely said, “I woke up in the 
morning with the idea,” he would have 
sounded slightly less insane. At anothe 
point in our interview, he said, “And so, 
I think we were very lucky to kick the 
Israelis out." Опе can imagine that if 
he'd had a year or two of training in 
diplomatic language, Amin might have 
said, “And so, I think it was very for 
tunate that we could release the energies 
of the hard-working Israelis to return to 
their own green and pleasant land, there 
to fertilize the soil and build a new 
state.” In any case, Amin struck me more 
as a cunning man than an insane one, 
though I walked away from that inter- 
iew with a sense that he probably was 
a loose can on the deck. But because of 
his difficulty with English, I also walked 


away without knowing what makes 
Amin tick. 
PLAYBOY: In trying to discover what 


makes you tick, we'd be interested in 
knowing if there are any vast differ- 
ences between the public Frost and the 
private Frost. 

FROST: Oh, very much myself when 
I'm on television. I think it’s important 
to be as natural as possible and to forget 
all about the lights and the rest ol the 
equipment out there. Which, of course, 
is impossible to do. But I don't really 
think there's that much difference be- 
tween the private Frost and. the public 
Frost. Now, whether there's a difference 
between the private Frost and the public 
perception of Frost is something else 
again. Unless you work at it, when read- 
ing about yourself, one tends to react 
rather like the woman who gives you 
two ties for Christmas. To please her, 
you put one on and she then says, 
“What's wrong with the other one?" 
PLAYBOY: Earlier in our conve 
you gave us a litany of your many ca- 
rears, yet you overlooked the fact that 
you started out asa stand-up comic. 
FROST: True enough, but when I was 
doing cab ~ I was already working for 
television. I went from Cambridge to a 
year’s traineeship with the commercial- 
TV station in London, Associated Re- 
diffusion, a really dashing name. And I 
got out of the traineeship as quickly as 
possible—within a few months, actu- 
ally—and started doing programs. At the 
same time, I did cabaret in the evenings 
at the Royal Court’s Theater Upstairs 
and then the Blue Angel in London. And 
while I was appearing at the Blue Angel. 


tion, 


Forextra brilliant glaring sunlight: Forhazeand glare: The Ray-Ban ShooterArista — Koroverheadglareand shadows! 
Halston’s 101 Sun Glassinacharcoalplasticframe metal frame formenwith Kalichromelenses;and ‘The Ray-Ban Large Arista metal frame with top 
with Ray-Ban full Inconel mirror Tenses. Perfect fromthe Cambrian Collection, the Rideau model gradient G-31 lenses cuts reflective glare com- 
forthe beach, poolside, orforjustlooking terrific in asunsetplastic frame for women with glare- mon in driving while protecting vision under 
everywhere yougo curing G-31 lenses. many different kinds oflight conditions. 


Forsurface and overhead glare: The Ray-Ban  Forindoors and out: The Ray-Ban Caravan Forbright reflective sunlight: Fromthe 
1978 model black metalframe for men with dou- black metal frame with photochromiclenses that Ray-Ban Cambrian Collection, Chatelaine model 
ble gradient mirror lenses, the Cambrian Col g0 fromlight to dark grcy, depending on light зп fiesta amber plastic frame with protective G-15, 
tion, Sherbrooke model гиѕѕе blue plastic frame, conditions ,to wear outdoors on sunny and. lenses for clear, comfortable vision without 

for women, glareprohibitive G-31 lenses. cloudy days plus indoors. changing the color of the objects around you. 


Your eyes are exposed to more than one kind of sunlight, 
so you need more than one kind of sunglass. 


very day your eyes are exposed to atleast 2 of 6 Ray-Ban Sun Glasses are available in over 49 dif... 
very different kinds of light conditions. That's why ferent frame styles: aviators, ovals, rounds, squares, 
Ray-Ban “Sun Glasses, and only Ray-Ban Sun Glasses, metals, plastics; everyshape and size under the sun. 
come in a wide variety of precision ground optical Ray-Ban by Bausch & Lomb. See the complete sele 


lenses. So no matter what the light, you always getthe tion now 
precise protection from glare you need, as well 
ha 


it fine department stores and c; ire prof 


sionals. Very much a part of the growing fashion world. 
mful ultraviolet and infrared rays. of Bausch & Lomb, 


ү Basi by BAUSCH & LOMB 


Weeds 
are popping up 


Weeds are’popping up in 3 exciting Styles 

and 6 smart Colors, all witha cushiony-soft 

inner gole for added/comfort. So why not 
рор into a pair today: 


709204 


FROM FLORSHEIM 


Available at participating dealers. 


the BBC was toying with the idea of a 
latenight Saturday satire show. Ned 
Sherrin had been appointed putative 
producer of that epic and one night Ned 
came to the Blue Angel when I was 
performing. 
PLAYBOY: Don't tell us: He saw your act, 
realized how brilliant you were and 
signed you on the spot. 
FROST: Close, but not quite. He was im- 
pressed. however. At the end of my act, I 
would do an ad-lib press conference as 
Harold Macmillan, and I'd begin by 
saying something like, “Right, you can 
all ask me questions on any subject you 
want.” That night, I remember, some. 
one showed, “What about the queen?" 
And I said, “The queen is not a subject.” 
Anyway, I fielded a number of questions 
and it led to Ned and me having lunch 
together a weck later. We very quickly 
cooked up That Was the Week That 
Was and did a pilot of it. When the 
people at Rediffusion heard about the 
pilot I'd done for the BBC, they said, 
“Well, we'll offer you a satire show here 
if you'll stay.” I told them, “I believe in 
That Was the Week That Was and 
that’s what 1 want to do! 
The BBG, however, had by no means 
decided to put That Was the Week 
That Was on the air. After higherups 
at the BBC looked at the pilot 
Ned and I had made, they decided that 
they simply didn't want that sort of 
seditious filth on the BBC. They really 
were decided against putting this foul 
satire on the air when, quite by acci 
dent, something changed all that. 
PLAYBOY: What happened? 
Frost: There had becn one item in the 
pilot in which a very brilliant journalist 
named Bernard Levin confronted a 
group of people he hated, "That's what 
he eventually did in the series: Each 
week. he'd attack a group of people he 
hated, and they'd attack him. When we 
did the pilot, Levin confronted a group 
of Conservative ladies. Conservative, not 
th a small С but with a bloody great 
big С, the kind of women who wear 
flowered hats and buttons that sav, 
BRING BACK FLOGGING. They kept saying 
things they didn't realize were double- 
entendves. One woman kept saying, "Mr. 
Macmillan has always satisfied me!” And 
the audience would laugh at her, and 
then she'd say it again 
Anyway, the women complained 
about their treatment to the Conserva- 
tive Party's central office, which, in turn, 
complained to thc BBC. Now, an offi- 
cial complaint from one of the two 
major parties is obviously a serious mat- 
ter, and so a higher higher-up in the 
BBC had to sce the offending pilot in 
order to reply. He saw the program, 
loved it, thought the complaint was 
absolute rubbish and put the show on 
the air. If not for that, That Was the 
Week That Was would never have made 


it off the shelf. Those Conservative Ia- 
dies with the flogging buttons made all 
the difference. 

Eventually, the show became а mile- 
stone in television outspokenness. That 
Was the Week That Was was frank in 
way that people didn't then imagine w: 
possible. I mean, it was as [rank in En; 
land in 1962 as Saturday Night is in 
America in 1978. 

PLAYBOY: Aside from politici: 
have any other favorite targets? 
FROST: Organized religion sometimes 
sulfered at our hands. Every Monday, 
the newspapers would print a kind of 
sports scoreboard of complaints to the 
BBC about the show, and there was just 
an immense outcry after the fifth or 
sixth week, when we did a Consumers’ 
Guide to Religion. The idea behind it 
was that the churches were getting more 
concerned about their worldly image, 
and therefore they must expect to be 
judged by worldly standards. So we did 
nsumers’ Guide to Religion on the 
sis of what they are, how much they 
cost and what you get out of it. We 
examined Judaism, the Roman Catholic 
Church, the Church of England, Islam, 
Buddhism, and we also included com- 
munism, though I can't really recall 
why. In the end, the best buy turned out 
to be the Church of England, because it 
gave you a jolly-faith with very little 
guilt for a very moderate outlay. We 
also did lighter Biblical satire; for in- 
stance, an Old Testament newscast. I 
recall starting it by saying. “This is 
BBC-BC, here beginneth the news. The 
seven elders of the seven tribes have now 
been abiding in Sodom for seven days 
and seven nights. There seems little 
hope of an carly settlement. News in 
brief: At the weighin for the big fight 
tonight, David tipped the scales at 13 
stone, 4 pounds, and Goliath at 14 stone, 
4 pounds. David's manager later said, 
"The odd stone could make all the differ 
ence." In England, obviously, the stone 
is a belter. Oh, and then a thing abou! 
“Now for a look at the weather. We've 
got a plague of locusts coming in from 
the north-northeast and they should be 
at about the Tyre-Sidon area about 
lunchtime tomorrow. Farther south, 
Egypt. Well, Egypt’s been having it 
pretty badly lately, hasn't it? Ten days ago, 
it was lice, followed by flies and a mu 
rain on the beasts.” And finally a theater 
review: “At the opening tonight of the 
Gara Strip, Samson, this year's Mr. Isracl, 
brought the house down. Thank you 
very much." 

PLAYBOY: Super stuff, David. Are there 
any other ТИЗ routines you care to 
dredge up from your memory? 

FROST: Well, one I particularly liked— 
I promise to stop after this—was a piece 
about royal commentators. The fact is, 
no matter what's going on, royal com- 
mentators are determined to be unctu- 
ous and reassuring and they'll always 


s, did you 


The Lancia concept. 
Performance as a function of design. 


In achieving the basic transportation purpose of an automobile, Lancia engineers 
and designers have worked since 1906 to make road performance an integral part of basic 
design. Over the years, Lancia has scored one racing victory after another. Today, Lancia 
performance means rack and pinion steering, twin overhead сат engine, fully independent 
suspension, front wheel drive and power assisted four-wheel disc brakes. One test drive 
will convince you Lancia is exceptional. 


ay 


E / 
` А 


< э ымы 


| 24 ee #)) 


a 


> 


Lancia HPE. Coupe, 
America. D 


PLAYBOY 


90 


Introducing 
the 35mm camera 
that thinks 


it’s an owl. 


Built-in flash “sees” in the dark. The Vivitar 35EF isa 
compact. automatic camera that is wide awake both day and night 
It has built-in electronic flash that pops up ata touch of a 
button to furnish the light for a proper exposure every tirne. 
Just choose one of four focus settings, compose your 
picture in the viewlinder and shoot. The rest is automatic, 
no fiddling with speeds and stops. 

A price you can easily afford. The Vivitar 35EF isnt a complicated 
kind of camera. Its for people who don't give a hoot 
about a collection of expensive photographic equipment but 
who do want impressive photographs. 


Pictures you'll be proud of. Bright natural color prints, 
brilliant color slides, sharp black and while photos, plus big 
enlargements. With 35mm film you have your choice. 
Take great 35mm pictures without a lot of ruffled feathers. 
See your favorite photo dealer about the 35EF. 


Vivitar 35EF 


The 35mm camera with the built-in flash. 
Vivitar Corporation, 1630 Stewart Street, Santa Monica, 
СА 90406. In Canada: Vivitar Canada Ltd /Ltee, ©Vivitar Corporation, 1977. 


comment in the same saccharine way. 
And so, speaking very softly, I would say 
“Now the queen is stepping aboard 
the royal barge, which will take her out 
to the Britannia. And now, as the barge 
moves slowly away from the quayside, it 
is becoming clear that something has 
gone wrong. The royal barge is, as it 
were, sinking. The sleek royalblue 
hull of the barge is sliding gracefully, 
almost regally, beneath the waters of 
the Pool of London. And there I can 
scc Prince Philip saying something 
And now the queen, smiling radiantly, 
is swimming for her life. She's wearing 
paleblue taffeta dress with matching 
lace. And there I can see Lord Snowdon 
and the Duke of Gloucester and both 
have rushed to the edge of the quay to 
get a better view. Lord Snowdon has 
just taken a color photograph. 
Anyway, the show was great fun, We 
ad people like Kenneth Tynan and 
playwrights Peter Shaffer and Tom 
Stoppard contributing beautifully, cle 
gantly written pieces, and they did it 
only because there was just nothing else 
quite like it on the air. І was 23, and 
part of an enormous success: Our audi 
ence went from 1,500,000 the first week 
to 12,000,000 in six wecks. And we could 
just get away with all kinds of things. 
We'd been the last program of the night 
our first year, but when we started our 
second year, the BBC put on reruns of 
The Third Man, starring Michael Ren 
nie, after our show was over. With all 
the arrogance of youth, we decided it 
was outrageous that anything should be 
allowed to go on after us. So I got some- 
body to find out the plots of those 
Michael Rennie things and at the end 
of our program, I'd say, "Coming up 
next is another edition of The Third 
Man with Michael Rennie. In this week’s 
episode, it looks at the beginning as 
though Miss Anderson is the villain. 
She is the secretary under suspicion. But 
toward the end, you will learn, to your 
surprise, that the murder was, in fact, 
committed by Dr. Laidlaw. Hope vou 
enjoy it. Good night, everybody. 
We did that for six consecutive weeks, 
and then the BBC took off The Third 
Man, because after I told the plot, the 
audience went straight into the toilet 
And the BBC let us do that. I mean, 
they should have been outraged, but 
they weren't. 
PLAYBOY: If 7W3 was such a success in 
England, why was it pulled off the air 
before completing a second season? 
HOST: The BBC took it off in December 
of 1963 because an election year was 
coming up and they thought we might 
influence the results of the "64 elections. 
Which in one sense was a great compli- 
ment but in another sense was ludicrous 
nonsense—election year is the year when 
more lies are told than at any other 
time. Ironically and tragically, we did 
our most acclaimed program ever after 


it was announced our show would be 
going off the air, The Kennedy assassina- 


lat seven р.м. on a Friday 


tion occurr 
in England, and we immediately tore 
apart the show we'd planned [or the 
next night. We realized that there was 
no other weck apart from the assassina- 
tion, so we dropped all of our sketches 
and just did a very elegiac, 23-minute 
program on John F. Kennedy. The pro- 
gram had enormous impact and the BBC 
shipped it to the States and it was played 
on NBC four times that weekend. We 
were requested to do a record of it and all 
of us knew we couldn't re-create the 
way we felt when we'd done it, so we 
said no. However, а sound track of the pro- 
gram was released and it sold more 
than $00,000 albums, with all the per- 
formers giving their royalties to charity. 
After that, we had three or four more 
programs—very hard-hitting programs— 
and the show then ended in a blaze of 
with everyone saying it was 
ace to take it aff the air 

PLAYBOY: What was your connection 
with the American version of 71V3? 
Frost: Well, NBC bought the tide from 
the BBG and started its version in. Jan- 
wary 1964. 1 was sort of a visiting fire- 
man and a semihost of the show during 
its first season. I really started commut 
ing from London during TIV3's second 
season here. 1 was doing Not So 
Much a Programme, More a Way 
nd on Friday, Saturday 
and Sunday nights. Га fly to New York 
on Mondays, do TIV3 on Tuesday, work 
on the following wecks TWI show on 
Wednesday and then leave Wednesday 
night lor London again. 

PLAYBOY: Did Шаг run you into the 
ground? 

Frost: No, I loved it! Airline travel has 
never bothered me at all. In fact, when 
] had a talk show in the U. S—from 
1969 to 1972—1 flew more than 
1.000,000 miles between New York and 
London during those three years. I'd do 
single shows їп New York on. Mondays 
and Tuesdays, two shows on Wednes- 
days. one show on Thu . and then 
I'd fly to England on ays and do 
shows there on Saturdays and Sundays. 
It was hectic but quite enjoyable. You 
may or may not be pleased to know that 
this year I won't be taking more than 
20 round trips between London and 
New York. I'll be spending most of the 
Grst part of this year in the U. S, work 
ing for NBC-TV. My contract with them. 
calls for not fewer than 12 and mot 
more than 117 specials during the next 
three years. NBC is a very understanding, 
employer. In the event of death, І have 
no further obligation to them whatever 
PLAYBOY: That just may be the only way 
you'll ever get any rest, Have you ever 
figured out why you push yourself so? 
FROST: Yes, 1 . I'm a great believer in 
the old Puritan work ethic and I guess I 


glory 


For color reproduction of Wild Turkey painting by hen Dawes, I9" by 212 send $2 to Box 929- РВ Wall SL. 51а, NY. 10005 


Wild Turkey Lore: 


To see a Wild Turkey rise 
from the brush and soar 
away at fifty miles per hour 
or more, 15 an unforgettable 
experience. 

The Wild Turkey is 
the symbol of America’s 
finest Bourbon whiskey, an 
unforgettable experience 
in its own right. 


WILD TURKEY/101 PROOF/8 YEARS OLD. 


© 1077 Austin, Nichols Distting Co. Lawrenceburg. Kentucky. 


91 


PLAYBOY 


92 


THE ROSES GIMLET. 
THINK OF IT AS GIN OR VODKA 
WITH TASTE. 


If you're partial to gin or vodka, do what 
more and more people are doing 

these days—drink them with taste. 

Drink the Rose's Gimlet. 

The Rose's Gimlet is made with crisp, 
refreshing Rose's Lime Juice. Which 
smooths the taste of gin, brightens the 
taste of vodka. 

To make the Rose's Gimlet, simply stir 
together one part Rose's Lime Juice and 
4 to 5 parts of gin or vodka. Serve ice cold, 
straight up or on the rocks. 
ү ‘Tonight, have your gin or vodka with 
| taste. Have the Rose's Gimlet. 


LIME JU 


RECONSTITUTED. 


зот SUGAR ADDED р 
PES USA gat 
DISTRIBUTED BY SCHWEPET A СЕН! 
PRODUCED FROM IMPORTED 
UNDER LICENSE 


feel we have a duty not to waste our 
time and whatever talents we may have 
been given but, instead, to use them to 
the fullest. And I do. 

PLAYBOY: Without puttin 
On it, you seem to have a well-earned 
vat womanizer. But 


»o fine a point 


reputation as a 
with the schedule you keep, do you have 
time for sex? Is there something happen 
ing on those 747s that we don't know 
about? 

Frost: No. British Airways claims in its 
ads to "take good care of you"—but 
not that good. Actually, 1 suppose 
much fulfill 


that someone who gets 
ment from his work and who does as 
much work as 1 do does have very itle 
time off. And so, gazing at it that way, 
you might think, God, he doesn’t have 
very much time for a private life. But I 
think that most terrific women would 
much rather have a man who is fulfilled 
in his work than someone who's miser- 
able about his work or who is escaping 
from his work. I mean, was it Erich 
Fromm who 
I love you, not I love you because I 
need vou"? No, it wasn't. It must have 
been Milton Berle. 

PLAYBOY: Sounds more like Werner 
Erhard to us, but we won't worry about 
it. Or even think about it, beyond 
noting that you might be right. You've 
ked romantically, as they say in 


id, “I need you because 


been Ii 
fan magazines, with a succession of ter 
nn Car- 


rific women, among them D. 
roll, Liv Ullmann, Bibi Anderson, 
Carol Lynley, Charlotte Rampling and 
your present ladyfriend, Caroline Cush 
[| 


ng. David, what have you got tha 
these women want? 
Frost: Modesty lorbids. I never really 
discuss my private life; I just enjoy it 
The press, | must say, has exhibited a 
great fascination about my private life, 
but I've managed to keep a few things 
secret. As far as myself and women, let's 
just say that I've been very lucky 
PLAYBOY: Others might say luck has 
nothing to do with it. 
FROST: Well, women are very important 
in my life, and I guess they realize that 
I like women and I like their coi лу 
and their conversation. Also, I have a 
fairly straightforward European attitude, 
їп the sense that I believe woman 
should be free to do her own thing. But 
when she's with her man, she wants the 
man to supply a bit of leadership. 1 find 
it difficult to explain, but long may it 
continue. 
PLAYBOY: Any 
haven't been married 
FROST: No, but I think I will get married 
before I have children. Im probably 
sull that much of a traditionalist. 1 en 
joy women enormously, but I've always 
believed that marriage is foreve 
I've never really felt, finally, that this is 
forever. Nearly have once or twice, 
though. I have a curious sort of belief in 
(concluded on page 222) 


ticular reason you 


and 


THE BREAKING OF RICHARD NIXON 


“you outgunned us,” said nixon to frost afterward; here is a behind- 
the-scenes account of how it was done, by one of frost's top guns 


IN THE SUMMER of 1976, David Frost's 
editorial team in Washington—Bob Zel- 
nick, I and, later, for a time, frec-lancer 
Phil Stanford—was hoping to come up 
with a scoop. This meant plowing ovcr 
ground that had been wi d not only 
by the Rodino and Ervin committees 
but also by some 200 journalists in 
Washington for more than two years. 
‘The prospect did not seem encouraging 
to me, but 1 was wrong. 

In September, Stanford arranged for 
an interview with Charles Colson. I 
asked if I could tag along. Stanford 
plicd Colson with a number of ques- 
tions about the enemies list, Teamster 
activities and miscellaneous abuses, 
while I remained dutifully quiet. 
In the course of the interview, Colson 
casually mentioned transcripts of con- 
versations with Nixon that he had from 
the Watergate prosecution. My cars 
perked up; I had never heard of any 
Golson-Nixon transcripts, There were 
none in the Judiciary documents 1 was 
working with nor in the edited tran- 
scripts released by Nixor 

Without much fanfare, I asked if he 
would mind letting me see the tran- 
scripts of those conversations. To my 
utter astonishment, he said, “Sure, come 
back in a weel 
At the appointed time, I returned. 
Laid in front of me were the transcripts 
of five conversations: June 20, 1972 
January 8, February 13, February 14 and 
April 12, 1973. June 20, 1972! On that 
date, only three days after the break-in, 
хоп and Н. R. Haldeman had t 
about Watergate—and it was the tran- 
script of that conversation that subse 
quently turned up with the famous 
18-and-a-half-minute gap. 1E there was a 
conspiratorial conversation that same 
day with Colson, it would make the 
IB-and-a-hal-minute gap moot! Nixon's 
joining of the conspiracy at the outset 
could be established through Colson 
rather than Haldeman! 

But the excerpts I was shown were 
curiously bland, almost irrelevant, I real- 
ized later that they were sanitized. 

Not long after, 1 was to spend several 
days at the Federal Court of Appeals, 
wading through the 15,000 pages of testi 
mony in the V tecover-up. trial. 
When the marshal took me back to the 
filing room to get the box full of tran- 
scripts, I was naturally also interested 
in the box next to it marked rxninrrs. 
In it, 1 found transcripts of Presidential 


article By JAMES RESTON, JR. 


conversations, dutifully fled in se- 
quence: Nixon/Colson, January 8, Feb- 
ruary 13, February 14 and March 21, 
1973. here were some of the conver- 
sations from which Colson himself had 
given me sanitized exchanges (significant- 
ly minus, however, the June 20, 1972, 
transcript). 

Of the conversations I pulled from the 
record, the most important were the 
February 13th and 14th Colson talks 
Nixon's official position up to the time 
of his resignation was that he had not 
learned about the Watergate cover-up 
until John Dean had laid it all before 
him on March 21, 1973. And here he 
was, discussing with Colson whether or 
not John Mitchell would crack, how 
Hunt knew too much, how Jeb Ma- 
gruder could limit the President's losses. 
Who was going to step forward and 
take the rap? 

Since the Colson conversations were 
in the public record, I did not immedi- 
ately perceive the significance of what I 
had unearthed. 1 assumed that these con- 
versations had been released to the press 
and were simply overlooked in the 
mounds of other released information. 

In the Jate fall, when the gossip about 
Frost as a soft touch was rife, a Jack 
Anderson column about our project 
became extremely helpful. Under the 
headline “FROST: TOUGH QUESTIONS FOR 
NIXON,” sources close to Frost were 
quoted as saying that if Nixon were not 
responsive to Watergate questions, his 
behavior would not be in the spirit of 
the contract, implying, of course, cver so 
gently, the possibility of a suit for breach 
of contract. The result was that some in- 
portant sources appeared out of nowhere 
and new discoveries came our way 

The most sensational windfall from 
these sources (whose identity 1 never 
revealed to Frost) consisted of two docu- 
ments from the special prosecutor's 
investigation. Taken together, they 
amounted to the Government's plan for 
the interrogation of Nixon in the cover- 
up, if he were ever to take the stand as a 
ciminal defendant in Federal court. 
One document, titled “R.M.N. and the 
Money,” concentrated on the March 
91 conversation with Dean and the 
desperate search in the weeks that fol- 
lowed for ways to meet payment of 
Hunt's blackmail demand, which w. 
relayed to Nixon on that day. With de- 
tailed and extensive references to tape 


transcripts, many of which were still 
secret, an overwhelming case was laid out 
and Nixon's defense against it antici- 
pated and refuted. In one of the new 
tapes, of a conversation on April 20. 
1974, during which Nixon expressed his 
concern to Haldeman about the March 
915: conversation, fearing what Dean was 
telling the prosecutors, Nixon's own rec- 
ollection was that he had said to Deat 
“Christ, turn over any cash we got. 

The second document was the more 
sensational, for there, in cold print, were 
unsanitized excerpts from the June 20, 
1972, Colson conversation. The docu- 
ment began with the President's schedule 
on his fist working day back at the 
White House after the break-in, listing 
the meeting with Haldeman, which lat 
was found to be erased, and then the 
meeting with Colson. Here are some 
references from the Colson conversation: 

* Referring tacitly to the break-in, 
the President said: “If we didn't know 
better, would have thought it was de- 
liberately botched.” Already, he knew 
some details. 

+ Referring to the Watergate sus- 
pects, Nixon said: “Basically, they are all 


pretty hard-line guys" Colson inter- 
rupted: "You mean Hunt?" Nixon re- 
plied: “Of course, we are just going to 


leave this where it is, with the Cubans. 
+. At times, uh, I just stonewall it.” 

+ And, finally, Nixon prophesied: 
‘Oh, sure, you know who the hell is 
going to keep it alive. We're gonna have 
à court case and, indeed . . . the diffi- 
culty we'll have ahead. We got to have 
lawyers smart enough to have our people 
delay, avoiding depositions, . . . "Thats 
one possibility.” 

Perhaps it did not matter to history 
nor to the American people three ye: 
later that Frost could establish for the 
first time that Nixon had become part 
of the Watergate conspiracy three days 
earlier than was previously known. At 
the time, Frost stood accused in some 
quarters of being a lightweight and a 
pushover; startling new discoveries could 
establish his credentials as a serious in 
terviewer. If we could keep our posses- 
sion of the new material secret until it 
was sprung on Nixon oncamera, we 
might be able to get closer to the truth 
than ever before—perhaps even break 
Nixon into a confession of guilt 

In the meantime, I had been develop- 
ing a friendly, working relationship with 

(concluded on page 223) 


93 


Wear a he t and eye pi 

Smooth, easy and 

^ ith as le tap of the tc 
first class all the way. Sale Tne nie 


The revolutionary Honda Hawk" Hondamatic" 1 low and twist the throttle. Fc 
is dedicated to this pleasure principle of motor- 
cycling: The fun of a motorcycle is in the riding, 
not in constant clutching and shifting. 
Tothis end, Honda has eliminated the clutch four-stroke, tr 
from the Hawk Hondamatic. That's right—n: engine. Its bi 
clutch! Just a high and gear that can be provides rem; 


THE HA 


HONDAMATIC. 


Motorcycling 
will never be 
the same. 


HONDA 


Motor Co., Inc., Dept. PL48, Box 50, Gardena, CA 90247. See Yellow Pages for nearest dealer. © 1978 AHM. á 


HONDA HAWK П 

capabilities for a semi-automatic twin. self-evident. Its inner beauty is the ease with 

Starting the Hondamatic is easy, too—simply ^ which it can be ridden. Discover both at your 
push the electric starter button. Out on the Honda motorcycle dealer's. 
open road, the Hawk's advanced plush suspen- ile you're there, take a look at the 
sion and Honda's exclusive ComStar""wheels ^ Hondamatic’s brothers: the five-speed manual 

help make sure your flight is a smoothone. Hawk Папа Hawk 1. The Honda Hawks. They're 

And when it's time to stop, you've the mid-range SuperSeries of the motorcycle 
hydraulic disc brake up front. world. For good reason—all of them turn 

The Hawk Hondamatic’s о! у riding into flying 


96 


america’s silent assassin has never 
opened up to the press; but he did 
form an intimate boud of 

trust with a cellmate who, for 

the first time, reveals the twisted 
mind of robert kennedy’s killer 


article By JAMES McKINLEY 


This investigation began as a routine 
follow-up on a tip given to PLAavnoy. 
As il grew into a major project, James 
McKinley, our assassinations expert, was 
put on the case. He completed the re- 
search and field work with assistance 
from a PLAYBOY investigative team and 
wrote the following article. 


AT SOLEDAD PRISON, his fellow inmates 
alled the Palestinian refugee Sirhan the 
ent. He granted no interviews and 
did not mix with other prisoners. The 
press had no word from him about 
why he killed Robert Kennedy or 
whether others were involved. Nothing 
about his current life, his feelings about 
the post Kennedy world he helped create 
or about his plans (especially if he is 
paroled when cligible in 1984) emerged 
from the cloak of secrecy he drew around 
ТА 
Nothing, that is, until Carmen Falzone 
са at Soledad to share a cell block 
rhan. Police records and our own 
investigation show that Falzone is a 
master criminal who specializes in secu- 
rity—safes, locks, alarm systems, breaking 


entering—as well as sophisticated 
jobs. Eventually, his artistry landed 
in Soledad, with access to Sirhan. 
period of time and for 
peculiar motives, Sirhan opened up to 
Falzone, telling him not only about the 
Kennedy killing but also a more chilling 
and irrational tale. 

The story begins with Carmen Fal- 
zone's identitv. When we met, he scemed 
simply a short, rotund, balding, leisure- 
suited man with ап engaging Italian 
manner and an incredible story. A story 
too complicated to verify. He had been 
with Sirhan, prison records show, from 
January 1977 to August 1977. in X wing 
of Soledad, the area where hard cases are 
kept. Falzone said he was one of the 
hardest, and that is why Sirhan was 
attracted to him. 

“The first couple of months, I thought 
he was kinda neat, and he thought J was 
kinda neat. He knew who I was—the 
superburglar on the tier—and I knew 
who he was. I was attracted to him, sure: 


ILLUSTRATION EY ERALDO CARUGATI 


va 


PLAYBOY 


98 


He has an aura of power around him; he's 
powerful, even if he's small. He's in per- 
fect shape. You can't help being respect- 
ful around him." The other prisoners felt 
that, too, Falzone sa han presses 275 
pounds and only weighs maybe 140. 
Everyone was kind of afraid of him. 
Everybody saw him as an assassin and a 
gentleman.” And Falzone? “I was curi- 
ous; I wanted to get into his pants. It 
was a challenge, mental chess. I passed а 
lot of time fucking with Sirhan,’ 

But who was Falzone, and why would 
Sirhan confide in him? “I was a one-man 
crime wave in California,” Falzone says. 
Until his arrest in 1970, he had stolen 
“millions” in jewels, money, securities, 
business machines, objets d'art. He'd also 
done things, he said, such as going into 
Cuba in 1963 to retrieve “two Samsonite 
suitcases full of cash stashed after Castro 
grabbed the casinos.” He was, he says, an 
electronics and alarms expert. He could, 
as he told Sirhan, beat any system the 
Government had. “If the Government 
wants me to break into one of its in- 
stallations to show them how bad 
security I will.” Falzone said if we 
didn't believe it, he would show us the 
security device he had invented. It was a 
12-inch cube called Air-Forse I. А con- 
sulting engineer said the premise for the 
device was perfectly sound and our tests 
of it seemed to bear out his claim that it 
was very hard to beat, “Sirhan really dug 
it,” Falzone says. “He'd come into my cell 
and see me with the schematics and he 
was fascinated. ‘What could you steal? 
he asked. "Anything, I said, ‘as long as 
Fm financed.” That's when he started 
seeing me as an instrument, a tool, to 
get him where he wanted to be and get 
what he wanted. So I started to build 
myself up to him: 

Could Falzone prove any of this? The 
Los Angeles district attorney's office con- 
firmed that his arrest helped solve 
over 600 burglaries, most of them “very 
sophisticated operations." "The Beverly 
Hills police corroborated this. They were 
so impressed by Falzone that they had 
him make a training film for them on 
how to defeat burglars called Carmen, 
the Burglar. We checked some more. Fal- 
zone also appeared on Dinah Shore's and 
Virginia Graham's TV shows in 1970, 
while on parole after the L-A, bust, di: 
playing his thieving abilities. But he 
broke parole (a matter of some stolen 
certified checks) and was rejailed. In 
1972, he escaped from a California pris- 
on (“I just walked away from a labor 
camp"). 

Falzone went to Chicago under an 
alias and went into the burglaralarm 
business with a friend. (Later, he was 
recaptured and finally served out his 
ne. He is currently on parole) Our 
igation established beyond a doubt. 


that Falzone was incarcerated with Sir- 
han in 1977. But how close were Falzone 
and Sirhan? 

"We walked together, worked out all 
the time. I was the only one he'd ever 
done that with. He was f; ated, like I 
told you, and he needed me. At first, we'd 
talk about nothing. I'd go to his cell. It 
was full of books, articles, about missiles, 
politics, clectronics, psychology, philoso- 
phy. He said, ‘I'm building here, I'm 
learning. We lack technology; I want to 
get intelligent enough so I can do some- 
thing." 

“There was a map of the Mediterra- 
nean on the wall and a picture of Yasir 
Arafat, I think. Lots of Arabian papers 
with articles about Sirhan. [That is true, 
Radical Arab publications, notably 
ya's, have extolled Sirhan.] Sirhan told 
me he was a hero in Libya, that during 
two of Muammar el-Qaddafr's hijackings, 
the terrorists wanted to exchange hos- 
tages for Sirhan. [That was also widely 
reported.] There was a TV set, too. 
Sirhan always stood while he watched 
always watched news shows, sometimes a 
crime movie. I asked, 'Sirhan, why do 
you stand? He said, ‘So Т can pay 
attention.’ Anyway, after a while, he 
started to ask me strange questions. 

“He'd say something like, ‘Suppose 
you had 30,000 troops spread out over 
5000 square miles; how would you screw. 
them up?’ Next day, he might ask me, 
‘If you could steal a hundred pounds of 
anything, what would it be? That one 
hit me. I didn't really know, What? 
Sold? Diamonds? Sirhan, he smiled a sly 
little smile and said, "How about plu- 
tonium? There are people who'd pay 
millions for it. That's when it started 
getting serious. 
irhan tried to change my political 
philosophy. He told me he lived to unite 
Africa, the Arabs. He said Qaddafi was 
his idol and he called Libya ‘my coun- 
try.’ He hated Sadat. We went to Bible 
study together, and he'd say how the 
Arabs and Jews were the same people, 
but the Jews weren't where they be- 
longed; they ought to be pushed into the 


sea, All the Russians and Americans 
should go home, too. Well, I was 
curious—you have to remember I'm 


an opportunist—so we'd argue, but then 
I'd agree with everything he said. I let 
him believe he had converted me. Christ, 
you could see the thirst for political pow- 
cr in him, and I thought, well, this is the 
guy who killed Bobby Kennedy. So I 
pumped him every day I was with him. 
Finally, I asked him about killing Ken- 
nedy. I said, Ч want to know where your 
head is at, because 1 want to know if I 
want to know you.” 

Sirhan was put off by the subject 
Falzone says. He stayed away from th 
walks and talks for about three days. “But 
then I drew him back,” Falzone says. 


“He'd come and watch me work on Air- 
Forse Т. I knew he had never talked to 
anybody about what he did. Then he 
just said, "Well, you know what Ken 
nedys position was. He was arming 
Israel. He talked terrible in the mcd 
about us Arabs, like we were dog: 
Next, by Fabone's account, came Sirhan's 
whole story of killing Kennedy, followed 
by the proposal that Falzone spring Sir 
han from prison and steal nuclear weap: 
ons for delivery to Qaddafi, 
б 
We interviewed а long-term Soledad 
inmate who is still in X wing and who 
knows both Sirhan and Falzone. For 
obvious reasons, he insists on anony 
This man says that he observed the initial 
period when Sirhan and Falzone jockeyed 
for position, for clout with each other and 
their fellow inmates. Then, he says. they 
became “inseparable, they were tremen- 
dously involved in working up some deal. 
Falzone would come to my cell and sa 
"You're not gonna believe this; and I'd 
say, ‘I don't wanta know.’ But I know 
Fabone's had more contact w rh 
than any other guy. They spent hours on 
the hard cement, on the tier and in the 
yard, talking and talking.” The prisoner 
vidly remembers onc exchange he over 
heard. Falzone to Sirhan: “I hope you're 
serious about this.” Sirhan: "I hope 
you're serious, not playing games.” In 
fact, until Falzone arrived, Sirhan seldom 
left his cell except to exercise. With 
Falzone, Sirhan "broke his pattern com- 
pletely with the walks and talk 
We found another witness to the Fal 
zone-Sirhan relations, Bruce Nelson, a 
psychology graduate student who held 
therapy sessions for X-wing inmates. Sir- 
han and Falzone attended several, Nelso 
remembers Sirhan sitting at а wooden 
table on the prison tier, his head cradled 
in his hands, as Falzone told his stories. 
He recalls hearing Sirhan talk to Falzone 
in the sessions about politics, about Ken- 
nedy, the Near East, nuclear devices, Of 
their relationship, Nelson says the two 
were “very tight,” “Carmen was closer to 
han than anyone I saw," Nelson says. 
Nelson remembers Falzonc's telling him 
about a discussion with Sirhan concern. 
ing the theft of nuclear materials, Nel 
son's impression was that such a plot was 
consistent with Sirhan's personality. He 
had discussed stealing nuclear weapons 
with Sirhan and he believed Sirhan was 
deadly serious about the project. “Sure, 1 
don't think he'd hesitate to drop a bomb 
on New York if he believed it was the 
ght thing to do," Nelson says 
‘Iwo other sources corroborate the Fal- 
zoneSirhan relationship. In a telephone 
conversation, Mary Sirhan—the assas 
sin's mother—affirmed that Sirhan had 
told her he knew Falzone well and that 
(continued on page 206) 


“Am I allowed to deduct my bed as office furniture?” 


utat 


“Т t i д < yi mW V 
WA DAM IN REST s 


Sane NN NN. 
. NF Vb о ' 


^ 


t w j 
ld 
v Ll 
zd xe ch Ж. 4 
j ‘ | 
Hd d 


ган LNQINOM 
AHM 'ONYH 
83H10 IHL NO 
é3NVId3IV NV dO 
їпо dWNf 33113A 
INOM ‘N3HL 
'AHM `н1уза 

SIH OL 1334 0052 
dOXG ONY 3LNHD 
SIH NI 319NVI 
NVW V ONIH2IVM 
зо ао 

дун амаз SIH 


т “27... ән лр pres эц uy 
Ne F suy sty оз роушої ay pue 


ay put 
11] в soys AUBUE 00) ouo pio оца 
M 241) {ипар APN ue sar mq “иә 
fi pus MOU [14909 әшүеиәлрь IANH e pra 
Buom Zumpou səy, znok зшор Jey 
/moux mox, ‘prs oq „Apea ou s; 

шц рот у “мои 7, uop. 


J [nok әле 


Ким, 'ueuooN 


//-w[dxo Jo mo sem | ‘puey ampeird 
// {ло} рәркәц pur avo әц ozur рәшә [ p 
рчәы) Аш oum әз Aq 05 ‘әш uəaə 10U Ч 
[cono ing Яр sen | ці 8 
оу Auot ai quo Jor Weu 


әш [әз 01 7 
NOM 3 18A [әдә 01 * 
р] "A101 ә [рэт 01 


33s 9) ‘Jasu 
pur 5193 
T Avs 0) s} 


amp st ausus 
1 Jt әш [my әңїтш p 


ци aq 0j sr dal ялпнэунуч v 


ИЗИЛ ЗІН л Bid 


ING 
_ ANSHI 


CU qmi JHL 
01 MHSNd 


ч 


2d ў 


PLAYBOY 


Mo jumped that morning or were w 


those thin vertical scars down there, the 
kind you sometimes get with your varsity 
letter in football. That's how he got them, 
and now, at 36, he sometimes grumbles 
about arthritis in those knees and calls. 
the surgeon who worked on them a dirt 
eater. And beyond that, he carries a mem- 
ory that's enough to keep anybody out 
of a jumping harness. He told me about 
it when I asked him to come with me. 
He was in St. Croix, he said, standing on 
a runway with a girl whose boyfriend was 
making his 500th-and-something dive. 
"hey watched as he came out of the plane, 
then saw him tangle in his chute and 
drop 2500 feet. Seconds later, he was 
dead, a pile of rags, and they knew it 
before they got to the body. Noonan 
уз he can still hear the screaming and 
ailing, still see everybody running a- 
round as if there were something to do. 
He shudders when he tells but he 
said he'd come with me anyway, and 
bring his camera, just in case. 

Pope Valley lies in some classic Cali- 
fornia hill country, a couple of hours 
north of San Francisco. The parachute 
ranch has a motel, a bar, a restaurant, a 
swimming pool, a tin hangar, an airstrip 
and several planes, including a DC-3 
that can take 30 jumpers up at the same 
time. The hot dogs and cowboys of the 
sport go there with their rectangu! 
chutes t0 do what they call relative 
work—freefall stunts involving two 
or more divers who come together and 
move apart, sometimes more than once, 
betore their chutes open. Beginners go 
there because you can pay $75, take four 
or more hours of training and, if the 
wind is down, jump that day. 

Noonan and I went into the valley 
about ten in the morning and almost 
the first thing we saw was a puff of white 
a few thousand feet up and, just above 
that, a small planc. We stopped the car 
and watched as the jumper floated slowly 
down and toward us. We didn't know it, 
but he was 300 or 400 yards from where 
he was supposed to be. We were looking 
up at him through oak trees and power 
lines. I could sce him pulling on the 
steering cords and then I saw that he wa 
aiming at a small triangular pasturc that 
flanked us. But first he had to miss the 
wires and the trees. The lower he got, 
the faster he seemed to be dropping and, 
from where we stood, it looked as if his 
forward speed helped him miss disaster 
by only about ten feet. As far as we knew, 
he'd planned it that way. He landed with 
his feet together and he fell, but not hard, 

nd his parachute collapsed where it hit. 
That didn't look so bad," I said, 

"Not from here,” said Noonan. 
could watch ‘em do it all day." 

We found the hangar and when we 
walked in, it was full of the energy and 
buzz of a dozen. people who had already 
ting to. 


Along one wall were floor-to« ig bins 
full of packed parachutes. Along another 
wall was a clothes rack with 20 or so 
wellused jump suits hanging on it and, 
eside that, a rack of jump boots. "Ehe 
man who seemed to be in charge was 
standing behind a small counter, talking, 
one at a time, to the jumpers who'd 
jumped that morning. He was telling 
them what they had done right aud what 
they had done wrong and then writing it 
in some kind of log. After a while, the 
jumper we'd seen land straggled into 
the building with his chute in his arms. 
The man behind the counter sang out 
loud enough for everybody to hear, “What 
in the hell happened to you?” 

“I don't know.” said the jumper. 
thought 1 was doing fine’ 

"Didn't you see us on the arrow, trying 
to turn you around? 

“I thought I did, then all of a sudden 
I was over the roof of the restau 

"Em glad you're all right.” 

“For a minute there, I thought I was 
going to make a trec landing, I had my 
legs crossed for it and everything.” 

Jt was almost noon by the time the man 
behind the counter was through with his 
interviews and his bookkeeping. 1 told 
him I wanted to take the course. He wa 
still distracted, but he managed to give 
me a clipboard and a form to fill out. I 
put down the basic information about 
myself and then I signed it below the 
clause that absolved everybody but me 
of everything. Then I paid my moncy. 

“By the way," said the man 1 was 
dealing with, "my name is Frank. I 
guess I'm your jumpmaster. Would you 
mind if I grabbed some lunch before we 
start? I didn't get any breakfast.” 

The restaurant was just opening for 
the day and within а fey minutes there 
were about 20 people scattered around 
the tables. All of them were jumpers, a 
half dozen were women and the chatter 
was about sky diving. Around the walls 
there were photographs and trophies. 
Pope Valley has a team it sends to the im- 
portant competitions around the world 
and by the looks of its awards, it's pretty 
good. One of the large color photos on 
the wall shows a world-record 26-man star 
somewhere over Oklahoma. The shot was 
taken from above, probably by another 
diver—26 free-falling bodies holding 
nds. And if you catch the light at just 
the right angle, there are fingerprints on 
the glass over each divers helmet where 

nbelievers like me have counted them 
one by one. 

When I asked, Frank said he'd made 
over 700 jumps in the eight years he'd 
been at it, He'd never been hurt, he said. 
Noonan asked him how many first-time 
jumpers they trained and Frank said they 
averaged 50 a month, over 2000 since 
they'd been open. Then he yelled across 


the room to get the attention of a hand- 


some dark-haired guy in shorts whose 
name was Charli 

"Does Maureen want to jump?" Frank 
asked him, 

“I think so," was the answer in a British 
accent. “ГЇЇ ask her. Shell be here in a 
minute. 

“I have another student here and we're 
going to start class in a few minutes, 
Frank told him. Then he turned back to 
us. "He's over here from England with 
his girlfriend. They're going to be here 
for a month. He's an experienced diver 

"How many women do this nowadays?" 
1 asked hii 

“I'd say it's about three to one, men to 
women, at this point, It used to be more 
like five to one a couple of years ago.” 

And just then, as if to make the point, 
a lovely, athleticlooking blonde woman 
walked up, said hi to Frank and sat next 
to Noonan, who pretty much focused on 
her the waya jeweler might on a fincopal. 
Frank introduced her as Sandy and said 
she'd made H j week, 
She had bangs. blue eyes right out of the 
movies, and she was wearing the first 
three buttons on her shirt undone. She 
lived in South Lake Tahoe and worked 
at the casinos, she told us. “I just wish 
Fd discovered sky diving earlier,” she 
suid. “This is the end of my vacation." 
Frank told us she was a great student and 
had already done six free-fall dives. She 
smiled and said she loved 

Frank spotted Maureen coming in the 
door and called to her. She walked over 
10 her boyfriend's table and Frank joined 
them. 

“Do you still want to jump?" her boy- 

friend asked her. 
Maureen looked him right in the eye 
if she might say no, as if there were 
more to it than just the question of sky 
diving. She was tall and thin. She had 
short dark hair, big, round dark eyes and 
skin the color of milk. She stood there 
shy but not stiff as she listened to Frank, 
looked at her boyfriend again, then said 
ayes that seemed to mean maybe. 

After lunch, outside the hangar, Noo 
and I stood waiting with Maureen while 
Frank ran around making sure the rest 
of the day's activity would go smoothly 
without him. І asked her where she w: 
from. 

“Dublin,” she said im an accent that 
sounded English, not Irish. "But I'm liv- 
ing in Brussels now. I work for the Com- 
mon Market. 
1 asked if it was her first trip to Amer- 
а. It was, and when I asked how she 
liked it, she said, "I really haven't seen 
much except this place. We stopped two 
days in San Francisco on the way here. 
Т enjoyed that. 

"Let me 


k you something, 
(continued on page 116) 


Are you sick and tired of trying one torturous diet after another? 
Are you ill at the sight of a low-cal wafer? Does liquid protein 
make you want to puke? Do you feel that if you drink one more 
glass of plain water you'll wind up on a map next to Lake 
Superior? Do you have the urge to strangle your trim friends 
because they're slobbering over an eight-course meal while you're 
trying to make an appetizer, salad, entree and dessert out of a 
piece of parsley? Despair no more, overweight one! rLAveov once 
again will come to your rescue, a voice of hope in a sea of hunger. 
If you've tried all those other diets to no appreciable avail, if you've 
fasted and meditated, been hypnotized and heard the rumblings of 
your stomach as it greets a lone white diet pill, it's time to subscribe 
to PLAvBoY's Quickie Weight Loss Diets (our motto: A girl or two a 
day keeps the flab away!). Yes, you poor blimp, you, it's true— 
sex, and lots of it, will keep you slim and trim. If you need proof, 
simply ask yourself this question: When was the last time ! saw 
a fat person in the pages of PLAveoy? Gotcha! So turn the page 
and try our sex diets—there's something to suit every—er—taste. 


now you can shed those excess pounds 
by doing what comes naturally, 


and even if you don't lose 
any weight, you won't care 


PHOTOGRAPH BY RICHARD ||, 


THE QUICK QUICKIE DIET—You have a wedding to go to tomorrow 
night and you can't fit into that old tuxedo? Taking five 
girls every four hours should do the trick. You might walk 
down the aisle a little bowlegged, but you'll get into the tux. 


FASTING/MEDITATION QUICKIE: Fasting here — LAST-CHANCE QUICKIE—A geriatrick for 


means the opposite of slowing. Meditating those geriatrics who want to lose weight and 
means concentraung on the ultimate reality, haven't lost interest. The chase may peter 
which is located north of her thighs. you out, but it sure beats jogging off. 


suy DUL Han a. 
aim- looked at her boylin- 
the world ayes that scemed to me 
rds, it's pretty — After lunch, outside " 
‘olor photos on and 1 stood waiting with Маше 
"cord 26-man star Frank ran around making sure 
mna. The shot was of the days activity would go sn 
bably by another without him. I asked her where $ 
bodies holding from. 
the light at jut “Dublin,” she said in an ag 
ingerprints on — sounded English, not Irish. “р 
!met where — ing in Brussels now. | wor 
!4hem mon Market." 
V asked 


DRINKING MAN'S QUICKIE—Instead of fixing 
yourself a martini, fix yourself up with 
a Martina (39-26-36). Besides, there's 
Something sexy about girls who wear glasses. DESIGN AND ILLUSTRATIONS BY BOB POST 


WATER-DIET QUICKIE—Is Jacques Cousteau 
fat? Of course not. Three girls a day 
underwater will make the pounds float 
away a lot better than drinking the stuff. 


LIQUID-PROTEIN QUICKIE—Think of her lips 
asthe appetizer and we don't have to 
tell you what we mean by dessert. At the 
most, you'll consume ten calories. 


LOW-CARBO QUICKIE—Ladies' turn. This 
requires some practice—she'll have to learn. 
how to take things in her mouth without 
swallowing them. She can start with a gherkin. 


pA 


- 


WEIGHT-WATCHING QUICKIE— Keeping your 
eyes on her weightier endowments will 
help you lose weight yourself. At least 
you won't think about it much, will you? 


Following the numbers: 1. The Accutrac +6 changer turntable can 
be programed to ploy cuts on up to six LPs in any order you сһоозе; 
Ld records are gently lowered rather than dropped ta the turntable, 
by Audio Dynamics, $399.95. 2. Model RT-3388 camputer-controlled 


stereo cassette deck can be directed automatically to play any 
b port of a cassette; the unit also turns itself on and off and will even 
repeatedly play a designated segment af a tope, by Sharp, 
I $349.95. 3. Technics by Panasonic SL-1000MKII direct-drive turn- 
table features an absidian-lava base for ultrastability, a superlight 
from remote-controlled turntables 
to computerized cassette decks, 


the latest audio gear all but 
eliminates the human touch 


JUST YESTERDAY, hi buffs were toasting automatic 
equipment that let LP platters drop neatly (sometimes 
neatly) to a turntable, or cassettes that flipped 
over on their own to p the other side, or tapes that 
reversed themselves when the Mylar began to run 
out. Today, however, truly automatic fidelity 


not 


gear that once seemed 
tainable is off the 


awing boards and 
into stores at prices 
well within just about 
Take 
Audio Dynamics Accu- 

trac +6 changer tumtable, 

for example, The style name +G 
is their way of saying that up to si 
be stacked on the machine's spindle 


everyone's reach, 


records can 
nd the cuts 


on cach played—in any order you choose—via 
a hand-held remote-control device that's simil 

to a TV tune fter all six records 
have been lowered, the turntable will gently r 
them at your command to the original stacked. 
position for replay—should you elect. not. to 
change the selec Another unit that's geared 
for marathon runs is Sharp's RT-3388 cassette [2-67 3-71 
deck, the industry's. first microprocessor-con- 
trolled cassette deck. This means d 
set it to seek out any selection you 
hear on a cassette and the unit will find it, 
1 or 


thermore, 


ion 


D her forw 


ading the tape ei 
reverse. Or vou can program the unit 
to replay endlessly whatever sec- 
tion of а tape tu 


the couch or out of bed. 


PHOTOGRAPHY AY DUN AZUMA 


titanium foneorm, on-off remote-control capacity and superfast 
stop-start action, $1300. 4. Lenco RAC 10 automotic cassette 
changer con ploy both sides of up to ten cassettes without interrup- 
tion, by Neosonic Corporation of America, $695. 5. Sennheiser's 
infraport stereo heodphones, $260, operate wirelessly via a trons- 
mitter, $229, that’s hooked directly to your amplifier or receiver. 
6. The ultrasensitive SG-400 stereo-component system features FM 
Sensor Touch electronic tuning thot enobles the user to preset and 


Ne 
0967654321 


= frets 3 


pretune up to five stotions; also incorporated in it are AM, LW and 
SW bands, a semioutomotic belt-drive turntable and a cassette deck 
with a Dolby Noise Reduction System, by Optonica Product Line, 
$499.95. 7. The Beam Box is on electronically directoble FM an- 
tenna thot hooks up to your hi-fi; tune the box to maximize ond mini- 
mize FM signals you wont to increase or decrease, by B.I.C., $89.95. 
8. Scotis 7335 digital-frequency synthesizer FM tuner thot's ideal 
for difficult reception oreas incorporotes four electronicolly tuned 
stoges for high sensitivity ond immunity to overlood, about $1000. 


d 


SKY DIVE os 


“We are here; he said, ‘to let you know what it 


feels like to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.” 


Noonan. “Why are you doing this thing?" 
“Well,” she said, “I don't really know 

why I'm doing 
“Must be a 

what I'd seen in the restaurant. 

“No, I'm not doing it for a ma 
said quickly. "I'm not at all sure why I'm 
doing it. We're going to be here for a 
month, we don’t have a car, and there 
just isn't much else to do, is ther 

"Does it scare you?" I asked her. 

“Very much,” she said. 

“Doing dangerous things for the first 
time is always scary,” I said. 

“Oh, this won't be my first time,” she 

“I've jumped three times before.” 
‘Did you like it?” Noonan asked. 
“I hated it,” she said. absolutely 
hated it. I've never had any instruction. 
All three times were with my boyfriend 
and his partners and they just sort of 
pushed me out the door. It was horrible. 
1 can't tell you. The last time we went, I 
told them 1 positively couldn't do it. It 
cold and it was almost dark and they 
said they couldn't land the plane with 
me in it. Then they pushed me out the 
door" She told the story calmly and 
shrugged when she was through. 

Frank called the three of us into the 
dumpy back room of the hangar. It was 
hot and getting sticky. Frank opened his 
notes. "We are here to turn baby birds 
into eagles," he said. “To let you know 
what it feels like to jump off the Golden 
Gate Bridge." I was sure Maureen didn't. 
need that image, but I liked it. I've al- 
ways wondered what that felt like, won- 
dered about that plunge and the more 
than 600 wretched souls who've taken it. 
You hear people say you'd. pass out be- 
fore you hit the water, but I've never be- 
lieved that. I've always imagined that 
those last few moments would probably 
be the most vivid you'd ever have and 
that they might even change your mind 
about life and things And parachute 
jumps, after all, are falls from a fatal 
height that start the same way leaping 


nk sky diving is just 
redevils and fools,” Frank said. And 
then, as if to call us back from that bridge 
railing, he added, “But, actually, it’s very 
safe. Life insurance is higher for bartend- 
ers than it is for sky divers, and that's a 
fact” (that insurance companies deny). 
Then he sa Let's go back out into the 
hangar and I'll show you the equipment 


116 you're going to be using." 


There were no planes in the main 
room of the hangar, but there were un- 
folded, used parachutes, piles of nylon 
and cord here and there on the floor. A 
Marine Corps-looking guy with a big 
upper body and а creweut was folding a 
chute that lay on a long wooden table. 
He was talking to Sandy as he folded and 
she was watching carefully. 

Frank got one of the unfolded chutes, 
stretched it out and then took us through. 
the nomenclature of the thing. First the 
canopy, which has a round hole in the 
top about the size of a basketball, called 
the apex. Then the modification, a dou- 
ble L-shaped cut in the back of the 
canopy that gives the descending chute a 
forward specd of about five miles an hour. 
The shrouds are the lines that connect the 
сапору to the harness, and the toggles are 
the steering cords, Pull down on the right 
toggle, Frank told us, and you go to the 
right. The left, to the left. Then he took 
us over to the bin that held the folded 
and packed reserve chutes. They are about 
the size of a rolled down sleeping bag and 
you wear it on the harness across your 
belly. 

"I want to show you the packer's seal,” 
he said and then opened the front flap 
with one finger, pulled out a red 
ring with a small lead chunk pinched 
onto it. “Each packer has a seal of his own 
he puts on here. This tells you the chute 
is OK,” he said. “That way, if someoné 
has used a chute and then, let's say, in- 
stead of repacking it he's filled it with a 
lot of rags, it wouldn't have this little seal. 
So you always want to check.” 

“Do you get a lot of that around here?” 
I asked him. "Guys filling these things 


„” he said quickly. “None; we 
haven't had any of that at all. 
б 

We took a break. Maureen found her 
boyfriend in the main room of the hang- 
ar where he was talking to the packer 
and to Sandy, who was smiling and 
laughing and asking him questions about 
advanced g techniques. She was get- 
ting ready to jump and he was giving her 
pointers and watching her blouse. 

Noonan had taken off to buy some 
more film. I got a warm grape soda out of 
a machine and then wandered out to the 
runway, where almost everybody was w 
ing for Sandy and another jumper to sui 
up and load into the plane. The other 
jumper was a kid in his 205 who had 
exactly as many jumps as Sandy but 


evidently not her talent. He was telling 
someone that he hoped he'd ре! ight 
this time. It was his 12th jump, he said, 
and on number П hed flipped over 
onto his back, and when he'd pulled 
the cord, the opening shock had just 
about torn him in һай. Sandy was in 
her harness, checking last-minute things 
and talking to her jumpmaster, a girl 
named Karalee. Then the three of them 
loaded into the plane with the pilot and 
took off. They circled us until they 
reached about 3000 feet and then dropped 
a yellow streamer into the wind. There 
wasn't much, and after the plane circled 
another time, when it was almost directly 
above us, I heard the engine stall and saw 
the left wing tip down. Then a body 
separated from the plane and fell in that 
familiar swan-dive arch. I counted: three, 
four, five, six, then I lost count in the 
hypnotic effect of watching a body fall a 
great distance. Somebody , "It's San- 
dy,” when the body was close enough. She 
was on her 12th dive, her seventh free 
fall, and she was supposed to delay for 
ten seconds before opening. She probably 
hit it just right, but [rom where we stood, 
the whole thing took on a slow-motion 
quality and it seemed about a minute 
before the streaming chute left her back 
and popped like a cotton ball above her. 
There were some small cheers and some 
clapping, and two minutes Jater she 
landed 30 or 40 yards from the target. 
At almost the exact moment she hit, 
the plane overhead sloughed the second 
jumper into the sky. Whatever he did, 
he flipped over onto his back again. 
He, too, was supposed to delay for ten 
seconds, but when he felt himself upside 
down again, he pulled his cord. When 
his chute caught the his whole body 
jerked around as if a vicious puppeteer 
were trying to teach him a lesson. But 
he landed well, about the same distance 
from the target that Sandy had Janded. 

Back in the sweaty little classroom, 
Frank began explaining the hard techni- 
cal facts of what we were in for. He told 
us that the first five jumps аге made with a 
static line, a strap about eight feet long 
that is attached to the plane and the 
chute in such a way as to pull it open 
automatically. Most military jumps are 
done with a static line, he said. “These 
poor guys are carrying guns and packs 
and they just tell them to get in a fetal 
position and then they throw them out 
the door. We do things a little different- 
ly around here,” 

He pulled out a chart that had student 
responsibilities numbered 1, 2, 3 in big 
numbers. ARGH AND COU! it read, rot- 
LOW THE ARROW, FEET AND LEGS TOGETHER 
FOR LANDING. Then he told us the se- 
quence. “The jumpmaster will tell you 

(continued on page 180) 


"Welcome to Sherwood Forest!" 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


CUTING LOOSE 


when pamela jean headed 
for the florida sun, 
she left her books behind 


‘THOSE OF YOU with eagle eyes and elephant memories will recog- 
nize Pamela Jean Bryant as one of the coeds featured in our 
September 1977 pictorial Girls of the Big Ten. She almost didn't 
make it: The story of how Miss April came to our attention 
demonstrates the truth of the old adage that some days you 
eat the bear and some days the bear eats you. Relates Pamela: 
"I have never regarded myself as particularly beautiful. I didn't 
think anyone else did, either. Only a few days before PLAYBOY 
Photographer David Chan showed up on the campus of Indiana 


“Posing nude gives you the 
most beautiful feeling: being 
alone with a photographer 
and camera, knowing cach 
glance is being recorded. 
Since this shooting, I've 
taken to going naked around 
the house. Here is how I 
really am when I'm alone." 


“Гос always been a dreamer. When 
things were bad, my fantasies were 
the only things that kept me going.” 


“I like being alone. When I was 
in high school, I used to spend 
hours by myself working out on a. 
balance beam that I had set up 
in my next-door neighbor's 
garage. I would lose myself in 
gymnastics: slow-motion ballet. 
Now I spend time at the beach or 
chain myself to my desk, 

just wriling in my journal." 


120 


University, їп fact, I had applied for a model- 
ing job im a local fashion show and had been 
turned down. But I refuse to let setbacks get to 
me, so 1 responded to the ad David һай put in 
the student newspaper, asking for girls to try out 
for a Girls of the Big Ten feature. 1 was very sur- 
prised when, during our interview, he suggested 
that 1 was Playmate material.” 

Over the next few months, as we became better 
acquainted with Pamela, we grew to respect her 
resilience, her selfdetermimation. “I've always 
been an optimist,” she says. "I never give in to 
other people's opinions. I had a rather mixed-up 
childhood, shuttled from one foster home to 
another. I had seven mothers and seven fathers, 
and all of them told me my faults, my guilts, 
their idea of who T was. I've been told I'm lost 
and lonely by lost and lonely people. I've stopped 
listening to others and started listening to 
myself. I'm proud of the dent Гуе made in the 


“I remember my first overnight date. I 
showed up in kids’ pajamas—the kind 
with feet in them. Boy, have I changed.” 


"I'm looking for someone 
who can be a father, 
brother, lover and friend." 


world to date. I'm glad that I'm young and have a career to look forward to. I'm 
going to strut my stuff and get by on the good times I give myself.” 

At the end of her freshman year, Pamela decided she could leam more about 
herself outside school. She packed as many of her belongings as would fit into a station 
wagon and set out for Florida, ("I had to leave behind my collection of stuffed 
animals, one from cach foster home") She found a place to live in Palm Beach and. 
under the tutelage of a screenwriter friend, has begun piecing together her own life 


"I came to Florida to get healthy. Now I 
enjoy the sun, the deep-sea fishing and 
the Palm Beach perverts. It's a gas." 


story. “I get up every morning and sit at the typewriter for two 
hours. I'm reliving my childhood and creating a new person.” 
"The screenwriter connection has opened a new career for Pam. 
She has hooked small parts in films. “I'm strong-minded but very 
open. My emotions are very much on the surface, That's why I 
know I'll make a good actress someday." With that kind of atti- 
tude, we know tomorrow is bound to be a day Pam eats the bear. 


PLAYMATE DATA SHEET 


NAME. 


mur BI warst: LA нтрѕ: ND 
„4 Ў 
merra D D мвтонг: // Ә stew: 
I 
BIRTH DATE:S2/ 7 7 d Y вІкТнріАСЕ: 


FAVORITE FILMS: 
FAVORITE FOODS: 


FAVORITE SPORTS: 


PLAYBOY'S PARTY JOKES 


A fellow and his date were playing two-handed 
strip poker and the girl finally had to remove 
her bra. "I hope you don't think Гуе been 
bluffing you," she sighed, as she shed the heavily 
padded garment. 

“Let's P put it this way,” retorted the obviously 
disappointed winner. "Ive never known any 
uid girl to play her nipples so close to her 

lest. 


We've been told about one cool dude of a 
pimp who has so many girls on the street that 
he's up to his alligators in ass. 


Walking unexpected and unannounced into 
her husband's business inner sanctum one day, 
the wife found him flagrante delicto with 
shapely young secretary. "Don't try to expl 
she hissed, "let me guess! This is one of your 
hard days at the office, right?" 


1» massage parlors, clock-watching Clive 
Needs a number of girls to arrive: 
While a team works his cock, 
He'll be watching the clock 
To get off at the stroking of five! 


Unisex uniformity was especially confusing on 
Midwestern campuses during the last snowy, 
frigid winter, a reader informed us. When the 
figure of a student was seen trudging through 
the drifts, it was almost impossible to tell 
whether it was two above or two below. 


Our Unabashed Dictionary defines supertool 
as a hungdingus. 


Daddy,” piped the eight-year-old, "Eddie John- 
son told me coming home today that Jimmy 
Kelly has been put on probation at school for 
calling one of the crossing guards а cocksucker.” 

“Ahem—er—thank you for the information, 
Tommy,” responded his father. 

“Daddy.” the youngster went on, “what does 
that big word mean?” 

“We'll talk about it when you're older, Son,” 
said the father, rather brusquely. 

“But why should I have to wait until I'm 
older, Daddy,” pursued Tommy, “to find out 
what probation means?" 


Then there was the one about the whimsical 
masturbator who had an offbeat sense of humor. 


The young housewife was so lusciously built 
that the TV repairman just couldn't keep his 
eyes off her whenever she came into the room. 
When he'd finished, she paid him, hesitated 
and then said, "I'm going to make a—well— 
perhaps unusual request of you, but first you'll 
have to promise to keep it a strict secret.” 

This having been agreed to, the woman 
continued, "Its embarrassing to talk about, 
but, you see, while my husband's a fine, decent 
man, he unfortunately has—let me put it this 
way—a certain physical weakness, a certain 
disability. Now, I'm a woman and youre a 
= - 

"Yes, yes!" interrupted the repairman. 

"And since I've been wanting to do it for so 
long—well—would you please help me move 
the refrigerator?” 


With a posse still hot on his trail, 
He was tempted by nookie for sale; 
So the Kid went to bed 
With a price on his head 
With a girl with a price on her tail. 


Two elderly men were whiling away the time on 
a park bench one sunny Sunday afternoon. As 
they watched the young couples strolling by 
with their arms around each other, onc of thc 
men sighed, "What wouldn't I give, Henry, to 
have just one more good, long screw!” 

“In my case," mused Henry in response, "I'd 
even settle for one more good, short premature 
ejaculation." 


222 Z9. 


Our Unabashed Di 
as a tollhouse cookie. 


ry defines prostitute 


Maybe you've heard about the sheepherder in 
a remote part of the West who was held cap- 
tive in a UFO with an all-female crew. He was 
found by police on the side of the road, mutter- 
ing, “I've just had an unidentified flying fuck.” 


Heard a funny one lately? Send it on a post- 
card, please, to Party Jokes Editor, PLAYBOY, 
Playboy Bldg., 919 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, 
Ill. 60611. $50 will be paid to the contributor 
whose card is selected. Jokes cannot be returned. 


132 


lali. 


could those five perfect masters —sole survivors of the bacterial 
wipe-out—launch a new human race to replace the one they 
had destroyed? the conclusion of the sensational new novel 


fiction By GORE VIDAL 


SYNOPSIS: After Kalki, the self-proclaimed messiah, 
apparently has been murdered on television, he те- 
appears according to plan. It turns out that an actor 
who resembles Kalki has been killed as part of an 
intricate plot hatched by the messiah’s own cult. 
Kalki returns to carry out his misston—to end the 
world on April third. 

But before Kalki’s uppearance us the destroyer 
Siva, Teddy Ottinger, who has been hired as a pilot 
and has been designated. a Perfect Master, is dis- 
patched to fly the Garuda, Kalki Enterprises’ private 
jet, around the world and drop 70,000,000 lotuses 
along the way. She returns to New York the day be- 
fore the scheduled end. 

On April third, on a barge off Manhattan, Kalki 
appears, nude except for a tigerskin at the waist, his 
torso smeared with ashes, his neck painted blue. 
Miniature human skulls hang around his neck; three 
snakes writhe in his hair. As Siva-Kalki twists, turns, 
leaps and whirls, the age of Kali comes to an end. 

Only the Five Perfect Masters—Teddy, Geraldine, 
Lakshmi, Dr. Giles Lowell and Kalki—survive. They 
take up residence at the Sherry-Netherland, midst 
the ruin and destruction of millions of dead. 

A week later, Teddy is told that it was her flight 
that ended the world; the lotuses she scattered were 
impregnated with deadly bacteria. 


LAST JULY, the weather was uncommonly good in 
New York. By good I mean traditional. There were 
no freak storms. The climatic anomalies of the past 
decade seemed to have stopped. Has the ice age (or 
greenhouse age) gone into reverse now that man- 
made fumes have ceased to pollute the air? Too soon 
to answer. But skies are bright now, and the weather 
of the Northern Hemisphere appears to be changing 
for the better. For whose better? A question hard to 
answer. I am studying meteorology. 

During June and July, I trained Geraldine and 
Giles in the mysteries of the DC-10. Although they 
were quick to learn, I was uneasy at the idea of fly- 
ing around the world with two nonprofessional crew- 
men. But I had not taken into account that without 


ILLUSTRATION BY KINUKO Y. CRAFT. 


FIRST LOOK 
atanewnovel 


COPYRIGHT © 1978 BY GORE VIDAL 


, 


606 9 


е 
2 


ИР. 
ће 


- Me = 
re a 


| А A 


Ж. 


^^ 


A 
Gi 
SN 


i 
f 


PLAYBOY 


134 


air traffic, takeoffs and landings are no 
problem. For obvious reasons, 1 take off 
and land only in the daytime. Most of the 
time, 1 fly manually. With a map on my 
knees. 

One curious thing: Whenever I make 
an approach for a landing, I still switch 
on my radio and wait for instructions 
that do not come. 

Kalki drove us to the airport. By now, 
we are used to the stalled cars and to the 
heaps of dothes containing what we 
have taken to referring to, neutrally, as 
“remains.” By the third month, the re- 
mains were no longer corrupt and white 
bone was beginning to show. I can relate 
to bone better than to abandoned flesh, 
But one can get used to anything, even 
the horror of a profound night, silence. 

In high spirits, Kalki raced through 
streets, zigzagged around stalled cars. 
Lakshm furious. But he was 
child with a toy. 

To my surprise, we got to the airport 
without a single accident. I directed Kalki 
to the Swissair DC-10 I 

Eerie sensation, always, to dr 
the center of a runway, with planes to 
left and right, in various stages of load: 
and unloading. Several had crashed on 
landing or on take-off, their pilots termi- 
mid- procedure. 
ised each of us goodbye. 
Kalki shook hands. “Contact us every 
day," he said. "Use the box." Lakshmi 
and 1 had put together a special com- 
munication device, part telephone (the 
ternational telephone cable was still 
ope e) and part га 

‘Tomorrow we're moving to the St. 
Regis" Lakshmi was firm, She had never 
liked the Sherry-Netherland. Although 


alki had opposed the move, Lakshmi got 
her way. 
"She wants to be closer to Elizabeth 


Arden’s,” Kalki grinned. "Not to men- 
Чоп Saks. Anyway, the telephone num- 
her's the same wherever we move to. 
Everyone thought this was funny. At least 
everyone laughed. 

We boarded the planc. I took off. Kalki 
and Lakshmi waved to us. I know th 
both Kalki and Lakshmi had wanted to 
come with us, But could not. Should we 
all crash, the hum race would be at an 
end. As it was, three fifths of the world's 
population was aboard the DC-10. 

1 was nervous, flying the Atlantic with 
an inexperienced crew. But luck was with 
us; weather was good. Visibility was ex- 
cellent when we landed in Paris. 
з slow to react . . . emotionally, 
1 had lived entirely on the surface 
since The End. Kept busy. Scarcely 
thought at all. Felt nothing. Nothing at all, 
Did not allow myself to feel. Did not take 
so much as a single stroll down memory 
line. Gould not bear what I was bound 
to find in that lane: white bone. Briefly, 


at the Sherry-Netherland, I had con- 
sidered suicide. But what was the point 
to that? It is the nature of life to liv 
And I was d no problem coming 
to terms with my role in The End. Since 
I had not known what I was doing, 1 was 
not guilty of mass murder. As for Kalki 
and the others. ... How does one judge 
the judge who is also the executioner? 

Т started to react . . . emo- 
To think. To feel. Even to re- 
mmediately, I started to 


come unstuck. 

But first I will describe, step by step, 
what we did. 

Near the runway, I found a brand-new 
car. Empty, thank God. And locked. 
got the door open. We have all become 


expert at picking locks. I lifted the hood. 
Crossed wires. Started the car. Let Giles 
take the wheel. 

"Eve been here belo he said. “A 


marvelous city! 1 know every inch. 

A while later, we were in Versailles. Giles. 
was full of apologies. I took over. Drove 
to the nearest bookstore; picked the lock 
(in Paris, The End had come at six in 
the evening); acquired 2 Guide Michelin 
and a map of Paris, For some reason. 
there had been fewer fires in Versailles 
and Paris than in New York. 

Twas glad to be busy. To be using my 
hands. To not think. But this mood did 
not last long. In fact, it ended as I was 
driving across the Pont Neuf and saw 
before me the vivid green gardens of the 
Tuileries iu full summer leaf. I began 
to shake. 

I stopped the car in front of the 
gilded statue of Joan at the corner of 
the Rue de Rivoli. As we got out of the 
‚ I was overwhelmed by the perfume. 
hout the carbon monoxide of a mil- 
lion cars, the air of Paris was like that 
of a huge garden. We were all ravished. 
We breathed deeply. Then Giles started 
to sneeze. “Rose fever,” he said, and kept 
on sneezing until we were again airborne. 
But not even Giles and his sneezing could 
spoil for me the beauty of a сиу that I 
had dreamed of since childhood. 

I had postponed visiting Paris until 1 
was in love. Unfortunately, love and Pa 
had never coincided. Now it was too late 
for Paris, if not love. I burst into igno- 
us tears. OL self-pity. 

Idine was tender, loving. I think 
she wept, too. I know that we held each 
other for a long time. 

ropose we stay at the Ritz,” Giles 
It's just around the corner. And, of 
„ everyone stays there.” This struck 
him as amusing. 1 was not so struck. "Its 
also dose to all the shops, museums. 

Prattling, Giles led us into the P] 
Vendóme. 

Prattling, Giles escorted us past the re- 
mains of the chasseur at the door to the 
Riu, and into the lobby. I thought of 
Proust, of Albertine. 


ace 


Pratling, Giles led us into the bar. 
The most exclusive bar in Europe, 
girls!" He showed us where he had first 
seen Hemingway, Dietrich, the Windsors. 

I did my best to blot out the past, ar 
for a while my best was good enough. 
Giles made us martinis, while Geraldine 
found some stale potato chips and al- 
monds in the pantry. I cleared a corner 
table, The bar һай been crowded. It had 
been six o'clock: and tout Paris was hav- 
Then I remembered that 
cinq à sept was the time when Parisians 
made love and Americans got drunk, I 
checked passports, cards of identity; saw. 
that І was right. Nearly all of the last 
customers in the Ritz bar at six o'clock 
on April third had been forcigners. 

As I thought of the French who had 
been making love when The End came, 
I started to go over the edge again. I was 
saved by gin, without ice. The electricity 
was forever off in the City of Light. Even 
so, І was grateful for the drink. Grateful 
even for Giles. He had no imaginatie 
Geraldine did. She knew what 1 was go- 
ing through. She kept giving me anxious 
glances. 

“The past.” said Gi 
prattle, "is an. illusion. 
drop. Nothing more." 
hese are not illusory things,” I said, 
touching the Baccarat shaker on the table, 
The table. The glass. 

Geraldine changed the subject. “Let's 
see if the water still works in the bath- 
- If it doesn't, I'm going to take a 
n the Seine. 

Fortunately, there was enough water in 
the taps for a cold shower apiece. After- 
ward, we assembled candles to light our 
ach of us always carried a fash- 
The logistics of survival in a dead 
complex and, thank God, 


les, dropping the 
A painted back- 


Giles insisted that we go to Maxim's. 
As we crossed the Place de la Concorde, I 

calized that there is no city as beautiful 
as Paris, сусп in death. 

It was sundown when we got to 
n's. There was just enough natural 
light to illuminate the belle époque d 
ig room. Although Giles wanted to make 
us dinner in the famous kitchen with 
whatever happened still to be at hand, 
Geraldine and I insisted on going some- 
where else. The dusty glamor was like that 
of Tutankhamen's tomb. 

In the Place de la Madeleine, we stud- 
ied the Guide Michelin. The setting sun 
had turned all things to rose. La vie en 
rose, enfin. We picked a one-star restau- 
t on the Пе St-Lo was famous 
for game and, as Giles reminded us, game 
keeps without refrigeration. The restau- 
rant was small, charming. The tables had 
all been set for diners who had never 
ed. Dead flowers in vases were the 

(continued on page 140) 


ЕАПУ 
THREADS 


a collection of middleweight motorcycles and fast-lane fashions for the freewheeling man about town 


Harley-Davidson SX-250: Rumor has it that if you sit on a Harley SX-250 long enough, it vill turn into a Sportster. The night rider's 
boby brother is mode in lioly ond costs $1095. The Continentol styling goes well with a white Dacron polyester/cotton chintz jacket with 
snop front closures, by Brunswick, $45; a red cotton knit T-shirt, by Bonff, Ltd., about $12; ond block polished poly-cotton muslin 
trousers with webbed conves belt, from Scotts-Grey Ltd., about $20. The high-powered domsel is geored for 80 in top and pants from Sibella. 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY PHILLIP DIXON 
PRODUCED BY HOLLIS WAYNE 


136 


The Honda Hawk Hondamatic (above) is o his-and-hers motorcycle for $1448. The semiauto- 
motic tronsmission wil! hove you fighting over whose turn it is to toke a turn oround the block: 
Toast her success in o beige flax pullover (cbout $90) and off-white cotton weove trousers, 
about $85, both by Bill Koisermon for Rafoel. The dork-brown lizordskin boots ore by Dan 
Post, $132.95. (The lady's togs are from Comp Beverly Hills) The Suzuki GS 400C, right 
(cost: $1349), is one of the thoroughbred line of four-strokes thot includes the fontostic 
GS 750. It can catch olmost anything on wheels, including the two domsels on the four- 
wheel vehicles from Cheopskotes. (Their swimsuits ore from Kamali and Elon of Cclifornia.) 
He's joining ће posse in an oronge nylon pullover, $15, with white polyester/cotton deck 
pants, $25, both from MacGregor Sportweor; ond suede running shoes, from Pro Keds, $20. 


11's A QUESTION of economics. Large bikes 
now cost what small cars used to cost. 
Large cars cost what small homes used 
to cost. Consequently, the nation is in 
an energy crisis—not only of fossil fucls 
but of psychic energy. Your soul is en- 
dangercd. At the rate we're going, it's 
soon going to be against the law to 
have fun. Private transportation will be 
outlawed—and gas will be rationed in 
terms of maximum passenger miles per 
gallon. How many people do you know 
who can get off on public transportation? 

There are some alternatives. Five of 
them are shown here. A few years ago, 
the motorcycle companies realized that 


there were only so many high-perform- 
ance fanatics, or Zen masters of motor- 
cycle maintenance, guys who would 
spend all week tuning their 750- or 
1000-c.c.s for a two-day run up the Coast. 
What this country needed was the two- 
wheeled equivalent of the second car, a 
light, casy-to-handle bike that would 
corporate the same state-of-the-art tech 
nology that goes into the big bikes. 
The perfect machine for a quick trip to 
the tennis club to reserve court time. The 
perfect machine for the daily commute 
to work. Downtown parking costs for cars 
are approaching $60 a month in some 
cities, if you can find space near your 


The Kawasaki KZ400 Deluxe (lef is a fulldress com- —— f 
muter for only $1595. It is an elegant, civilized bike for — 
those who like to get around town with a maximum of 
comfort, without terrifying the natives. The carefree lad 
shown here is clad in a tan cotton poplin unconstructed 
three-button jacket, $200; a striped polished-cotton shirt 

with buttondown collar, $47.50; a printed silk bow tie, $15, 

blue denim Western-style jeans, $37.50; and oil-tanned 
leather boots, $150, cll from Polo by Ralph Louren. And 

that dangerous-looking lady in red їз clothed by Bonwit Teller. 


2 


The Yamaha XS 400 (right) is the new four- 
stroke from the company whose legendary 
RD 400 two-stroke (alias the Rocket) domi 
nated the midweights the post few years. 
The XS 400 ($1348) is a move-it-out raider 
for impulse trips to the movies, the beach for 
a touch of moonlight, the grocery store for 
munchies. You can join the dawn patrol in 
an Army-green polished-twill hooded jacket 
with snap front closures, from David Hunter 
by Levi's Sportswear, $35; а multicolor- 
striped cotton terry pullover shirt, by Gordon 
of New Orleans, $25; blue cotton de: 

jeans, from Levi's, $19.50; and hand-stained 
leather boots, from Wrangler Boots, $45. 


office. A small motorcycle seemed to be 
just the thing for the urban executive. 
There is always room for one and most 
parking garages offer discounts for bikes. 

PLAYBOY assembled five of the best mid- 
dleweight motorcycles. In the meantime, 
we had рглүвоү Fashion Editor David 
Platt deliver the proper threads to go 

th the machines. It all came together 
in Los Angeles, along with Associate 
Editor James R. Petersen, who put the 
bikes through their paces and then filed 
this report: 

Kawasaki KZ400: When most people 
think of wasaki, the bike that comes 
to mind is the KZ1000. The King, 
Able to cat concrete in quarter-mile 
sections. But the company almost single- 
handedly created the market for middle- 
weight motorcycles with the three 
versions of the KZ400. The Special cost 
around a grand, the Standard slightly 
more. ‘The Deluxe we tested was mild- 

nnered. Easy t. Forgiving. Could 

t you somewhere without making a full- 
time job of it. The KZ400 Deluxe is defi- 
nitely for the easy-listening audience 
it drifts through traffic smoothly. The 
Deluxe comes equipped with the 
basic essentials of a modern bike— 
electric start, turn signals, front disk 
bral In addition, the folks at 

awasaki have outfitted the De- 
luxe with locking sa 
and а color-coordi 
(concluded on page 178) 


PLAYBOY 


5 
kalki (continued from page 134) 


“I was in Paris. I was in love. I was also nearly killed 
when I dynamited the safe at Cartier s." 


only hint that something had happened. 

Giles made us a splendid d 
pheasant; of the contents of 
Jars. The three of us drank a half dozen 
bottles of Burgundy. Admired the view 
of Notre Dame in the moonlight. Watched 
the gray-silver river flow beneath us, Dur- 
ing Coffee, an empty barge glided by. 

What did we talk about? Ї don’t recall, 
which means that we kept the past at ba 
Except for Jason McCloud. Somehow, his 
name was mentioned. Despite his triple 
agenuy, he had served Kalki w 
had killed the actor at Madison Sq 
Garden not for the Chiu Chow Socicty 
but for Kalki. And Giles had paid him 
off that last day aboard the Narayana. 
Why, I asked, had Kalki wanted people 
to think that he had been murdered? 

Because,” Giles said lighting a long 
cigar (how long will they keep?), 
i was not thought to be dead at 
ne, he was in danger of really be 
ing killed by the Chiu Chow. Also, 
Johnny White was closing in on him. . . ." 

"But more important," said Geraldine. 
aware that I was not taking апу of this 
too well, “there had to be one final test. 
Those who thought that Kalki would not 
return were losi 

“Those who did were lost, too.” 

“Мо,” said Geraldine. She sounded posi 
tive. [ think she believed what she 
“They will return. In other forms. 

I let the matter rest. This was not my 
favorite topic. Giles intervened, “A moon- 
light drive,” he proposed, “from one end 
of Paris to the other!” 

We drove, drunkenly, through empty 
streets. The moon was waxing. The sky 
was dear and full of stars. The 
roses. The silence awful, In the moon- 
ight, the dome of the Invalides looked 
ke a skull with a hypodermic needle 
on its top. 

At the hotel, Giles proposed that I join 
him for a nightcap. I am reasonably 
certain that he raped me in New Orleans. 
І am also reasonably certain that there 
never be a conscious rematch. 1 said 
good night to him and downed a nightcap 
Geraldine. By candlelight, we drank 
arm champagne. 

I said how depressed I had been. Con- 
fessed to horror at what had happened. 
Geraldine was warm, helpful. She was 
also hard as nail 

"Look at it this way," she said when 1 
had finally stopped. “They had a wonder- 
ful end. Quick, painless. And, best of all, 
there's nothing human left on earth to 


м 


40 mourn them." 


"Except u 
“We're not really human.” 

“L feel very human.” 

“No, you are a Perfect Master.” 

don't know what a Perfect Master 
I can be harsh, too. “I don't know 
who Kalki is, Beyond being a mass 
murderer —” 

Geraldine was on her feet. Furious, 
"Don't say that! He is not, because . . . 
he is. "That's all. This was ordained from 
the beginning of time. He came to make 
an end. And he did 
He made an eni 
Апа a beginning; 
L was by no m 


I agreed. 


but I was positive that from the begin- 
ning of time, Geraldine and J were in- 
tended to be the perfect match. I was 
Lilith to her Eve. And we promptly made 
a corner of the Garden of Eden all our 
That night, we made love for the 
ime. 

I was delighted to be alive. To be 
with Geraldine . . , who had never had 
a love affair before. She had been too 
frightened to experiment with women, 
too inhibited to experiment with men. 
Or was it the other way around? Anyway, 
she had been waiting for me all her life. 
And I for her. 

The next day, while Giles monitored 
radios. Geraldine and I went sight sceing. 
At Sainte-Chapelle, the floor-to-c 
stained glass windows turned the interior 
to fire, thus matching our mood. We 
made love in a secret corner where Louis 
XI heard Mass. 

Next stop: the cathedral of Notre 
Dame. In the silent gray nave, I asked 
her why T had. been chosen for survival. 
When she began the usual song and 
dance about Perfect Masterhood, 1 
"That's not 


brought her to a balt with 
the reason." 


climbed onto the bishop's 
ki needed a pilot,” she said. 

ves. I fig- 
But the 


Geraldine looked at me for a long time. 
Studied my face as if it were a barome- 
тет... falling? Then came the first ques- 
i "hat is the one thing that you and 
s have in common 

"We are Perfect Masters. 

“What else?" 

1 thought hard, and thought o£ nothing. 
But should have guessed. 

Geraldine spelled it out for me. "I 


cannot have children. Giles has had a 
vasectomy. You went, as we all know, 
beyond motherhood when your tubes 
were cauterized.' 

1 cannot think why I was so slow to 
get the point, since, subliminally, 1 must 
have known it from the beginning. 

Geraldine asked the second question 
“What do Kalki and Lakshmi have in 
common?” 

“They are able to have children." I 
thought of nothing. 

“Just before we left, Giles examined 
Lakshmi. She’s pregnant.” 

The enormity of what Kalki had done 
was more than matched by what he now 
intended to do. I completed the cate- 
chism. “He intends to be the father of the 
new human race. 

"Yes" Geraldine looked happy. "And 
Lakshmi will be the mother. And we will 
be the teachers," 
is it possible? Genetically? 
7 E could not, entirely, take it 
1 tried to remember biology courses 
in college. Mendel’s law. More to the 
point, the law of averages. “What hap- 
Uu the children are all girls? Or all 


ге no risk. After all, I'm a prety 
good gene 

Geraldine the 
Lakshmi the ph 
the doctor of medicine. T.H.O., test in 
and engineer. Kalki, destroyer . . . and 
now creator. We had, indeed, been chosen. 

“You can predetermine the sex of the 
children?” 

“Yes. I can also reduce the dangers of 
inbreeding. We've worked it out very 
carefully. ‘The first child will be a girl. 
She's insurance in case something, God 
forbid, should happen to Lakshmi, But 
if Lakshmi were to die, in fourteen years 
or во, Kalki would be able to reproduce 
with his own daughter. But that’s only if 
worst comes to worst. If everything works 
out as planned, during the next twelve 
years, Kalki and Lakshmi will produce 
three boys and six girls, Those nine will 
then repopulate the world. I think it's 
awesome, Teddy.” 


neticist and biologist. 


. 
Our last day in Paris was spent "shop- 


as Giles put it. Шер; 
Giles. But then, there is nothing illegal 
about taking what belongs to no one. 

Geraldine and I made the rounds of 
the famous dressmakers. We collected for 
Lakshmi as well for ourselves. I must 
admit, guiltily, that 1 enjoyed myself. I 

Paris. 1 was in love. I was also. 
nearly killed when I dynamited the safe 
at Cartier's. 

While Geraldine and I were shopping, 
Giles had got himself a truck and backed 
it up to the main door of the Louvre. 

(continued on page 224) 


was 


Саф: C 
ORISA Oe te 


LET f Q 


VO STONE YO "" 
| "P 


“Now, that's what I calla barbershop quartet!” 


141 


NINE AND 
A HALF WEEKS 


AN INCREDIBLE 
LOVE AFFAIR 


memoir 
By ELIZABETH MCNEILL 


beyond the world of “story of o" 
lies areal world where 
love and pain mingle until they 
are indistinguishable 


HE FIRST TIME we were in bed together, he 
held my hands pinned down above my head. 
1 liked it. I liked him. He was moody in a 
way that struck me as romantic; he was funny. 
bright, interesting to talk to; and he gave me pleasure. 

‘The second time, he picked my scarf up off the floor 
where I had dropped it while getting undressed, smiled 
and said, “Would you let me blindfold you?" No one 
had blindfolded me in bed before and I liked it. I 
liked him even better than the first night and later 
couldn't stop smiling while brushing my teeth. 

The third time, he repeatedly brought me to within a 
hairsbrcadth of coming. When I was beside myself yet 
again and he stopped once more, I heard my voice, 
disembodied above the bed, pleading with him to 
continue. He obliged. I was beginning to fall in love. 

The fourth time, when I was aroused enough to be 
fairly oblivious, he used the same scarf to tie my wrists 
together. That morning, he had sent 13 roses to my 
office. 

P 

It’s Sunday, toward the end of May. I'm spending the 
afternoon with a friend downtown and there is a street 
fair in her neighborhood. I am trying to decide wheth- 
er or not to backtrack half a block to the table where 
I've fingered a lace shawl that my friend has pro- 
nounced grubby. “It was grubby,” I say loudly to her 
back, а little ahead of me, hoping to be heard above the 
din. “But can’t you picture it washed and mended?” 
She looks back over her shoulder, cups her ear with her 
right hand, points at the woman in a very large man's 
suit who is attacking a set of drums with ardor; rolls 
her eyes: turns away. 

“Better do it, then,” says a voice close to my left ear. 
I whisk around and give the man directly behind me an 


ART BY MARTIN HOFFMAN 


PLAYBOY 


annoyed look, then face forward again 
nd attempt to catch up with my friend. 
But Im literally stuck. The mob has 
slowed down from a slow shuflle to no 
movement at all. “This is a street fair," 
says the voice at my left car. “People get 
to talk to strangers. What would be the 
point, otherwise? I still think you should 
go back and get it, whatever it is.” 

"The sun is bright, yet it's not hot at all, 
baliny; the sky gleams, air as clean as over 
a small town in Minnesota, “Just a mangy 
shawl,” I say, "nothing much. Still, it's 
intricate handwork and only four dollars: 
І guess ГЇЇ buy it, after all" But now 
there is no place to go. We stand, facing 
each other, and smile. 

"I'll walk back with you,” he says. “You 
won't lose your friend.” He has begun 
shouldering his way back toward where 
we've come from and says, over his shoul- 
der, "My name із..." 

. 

Now it's Thursday. He is cooking din- 
ner at his apartment. We are in the kitch- 
en, talking, when the phone rings. “Well, 
no," he says. “Tonight's a bad night.” 
There is a long silence while he grimaces 
at me and shakes head. Finally, he 
explodes: “Oh, Christ! All right, come on 
over. But if you're not sct in two hours, 
the hell with it, I've got plans for 
tonight. .. - 

“This dope,” he groans at me, disgrun- 
ued and sheepish. “I wish he'd get out of 
my life. He's a nice guy to have a beer 
with, but he's got nothing to do with 
me except he plays tennis at the same 
place and works for the same firm, where 
he keeps falling behind and then he needs 
a crash course on his homework; it's like 
junior high. I'm really sorry. You can 
watch ТУ. 

‘If you'll give me some stationery, ТЇЇ 
write a letter I've owed for months; it'll 
be a boost to my conscience. I'll need a 


He walks over to a large oak desk at 


the other end of the living room, comes 
back with half an inch of fine, cream- 
colored paper, hands me the fountain pen 
from the inside pocket of his suit jacket 
and lugs the TV into the bedroom. 

By the time the intercom buzzes, I'm 
settled on his bed, leaning into one of 
the pillows I've propped against the wall, 
my knees drawn up, his thick pen solid 
and comfortable in my hand. I hear two 
men greet each other, but once they begin 
talking steadily, І can rarely make out 
separate words. 

I write the letter, take a cursory glance 
at the Times, look at my horoscope in the 
Post. I stretch out my legs, scrunch down 
on the pillow. During the hours I've 
spent with him here, I've paid little atten- 
tion to my surroundings. Now I find 
there's not much to look at. Jt is a large, 
high-ceilinged room, the floor covered 


14g with the same gray carpet as the hallway 


and the living room. The walls are white, 
completely bare. 

І get up off the bed and walk past the 
chest of drawers. And there is the closet 
with two doors. The right one creaks 
loudly when I pull them both open: I 
stand stock-still, holding my breath. But 
the unseen stranger's voice has risen to 
almost a wail, while his purrs along, low 
and controlled. 1 feel like a sneak; as you 
should, I tell myself, that’s just what you 
are. 

Not counting the one he is presently 
wearing in the next room, and possibly 
others out to be cleaned, he owns nine 
suits. He will mention at one point that 
his suits have been made by the same 
tailor in Little Italy for 11 years. 

Suspended from a brass rod on the 
inside of the left door hang a dozen ties 
so similar that they seem like one expanse 
of when I squint. (^I don't like 
variety in clothes," he will say. “Му own 
clothes, I mean. I like to know that ГЇЇ 
look pretty much the same, day after 
day") Lined up on the floor are three 
pairs of sneakers, four pairs of iden 
black wing-tip shoes, one pair of pla 
oxblood loafers. 

I shut the doors and tiptoe to the 
bureau. I begin at the top. A stack of 
white, initialed handkerchiefs, a wrist 
watch without a watch band, an old pock- 
et watch, a black-silk bow tie folded once. 
Next drawer: two pairs of black-leather 
gloves, one lined, one not; a tan pair, 
unlined; large, puffy ski mittens; а cum- 
merbund. Third: navy swimming trunks, 
a jockstrap, one pair of pajamas—navy 
with white piping—still in the manufac- 
turer's plastic wrapping. Gili? No, the 
price tag's still on it. The next drawer 
holds white Jockey shorts, easily a couple 
of dozen. Fourteen pairs of white-wool 
socks and a boiled shirt in cellophane 
are housed below. The largest drawer 
sticks and I have to tug at it repeatedly. 
When I've finally edged it open, 1 stare 
in amazement: jammed to overflowing. 
the drawer bulges with what scem to be 
1000 identical long black socks. I think: 
This man owns more socks than all the 
men I've ever known combined. 

I close the drawer, jump onto the bed, 
lie on my back, bounce, ride a bicycle in 
the air above me. I'm beside myself. Fall- 
ing in love with a stockpiler of socks, a 
sock stockpiler, a man who socks away 
socks, I cannot keep from making grunt- 
ing, snorting noises їп my effort not to 
laugh out loud. 

This is an unusual man you're getting 
mixed up with, I tell myself. 

Just before midnight, we are lying on 
his bed. We made love hastily and with 
most of our clothes on; we've taken a 
shower together and I've told him it was 
my first in a decade, that I much prefer 
baths. Wrapped in towels, we ate three 
large pieces of blueberry pie left over 


n 


Írom dinner and finished a bottle of Cha- 
blis. "I want to show you something," He 
leaves the room, returns vith his shaving 
mirror, slaps my face, sits down on the 
edge of the bed. My head has fallen on 
one side onto the pillow. Hc takcs a fist- 
ful of my hair and pulls me back until 
look at him. He holds the mirror up for 
me to see and together we watch the sym: 
meuical mark appear on my check. І 
stare at myself, mesmerized. 1 do not rec- 
ognize this face; it is blank, a canvas 
there to display four smudges, red like 
war paint. He traces them gently. 
. 

So it went, a step at a time. And since 
we saw cach other every night; since each 
increment of change was unspectacular in 
itself: since he made love very, very well; 
since I was soon crazy about him, not just 
physically but especially so, it came about 
that I found myself—after the time span 
of a mere two weeks—in a setup that 
would be judged, by the people I know, 
as pathological. 

It never occurred to me to call it 
pathologi l never called 
thing. I told no one about it. That it was 
I who lived through this period seems, in 
retrospect, unthinkable. I can only look 
back on those wecks a n isolated 
phenomenon, now in the past: a segment 
of my life as unreal as a dream, lacking 
all implication. 


. 
We're doing errands: supermarket, liq- 
uor store, dry clcaner's, drugstore. It’s a 
lovely Saturday in carly June. 
We spend a long time at the tooth- 
paste counter: He is giving dramatic 


I've 
n love before. 
“How сап I be so 
happy?” Each time, he smiles at ine, a 


“Better Checkups" wins. I 
never been this much 


"Twice I ask out loud, 


delighted grin, and shifts both shopping 
bags onto one arm to hug my shoulders 
with the other. 

We are both laden down with packages 
when he says, “I have to get one more 
thing,” and hails а cab. We end up i 
Brooklyn, at a small, obscure hi 
store. There arc two clerks, onc di; 
and elderly, one in his teens, no other cus- 
tomers. He is pricing insulated vests, the 
kind to be worn under windbreakers. 

I sit down on the edge of an old ma- 
hogany desk, pick up a three-year-old 
New Yorker. “This one, 1 guess,” he says. 
He is holding a riding crop: “I'd like to 
try it out.” There is a peculiar shift: From 
one second to the next, 1 have become 
disoriented, I am on ali 
foreign century. He walks a few steps to 
where I am halfsitting on the desk, one 
foot on the floor, the other dangling. He 
pulls my skirt up over my left leg, which 
is resting on the desk, steps back and 

(continued on page 188) 


The Zinszer sisters: Cynthia, Deborah and Playmate Pamela 


The Kiger sisters: Playmate Susan and Patty. 


SISTERS 


“for there is no friend like a sister, in calm or stormy weather.” 
—CHRISTINA GEORGINA ROSSETTI 


HAVE YOU EVER had to make up your mind between sisters? Thought you had found the 
best of all possible worlds in the older one until you met the younger, or vice versa? 
And late at night, when you're alone, do you wonder if they're talking about you? Have 
we got some girls for you! Five pairs of beautiful sisters and one fetching trio, in ex- 
clusive photographs by Richard Fegley, Robert Scott Hooper and Nicholas De Sciose 


Above, the Ekhert sisters, Marge 
and Judy, above right, the 
Holiday twins, Lyn and Leigh. 


Above, the Kennéc sisters, Kim 
(top) and Kathy; below left, the Elledge 
sisters, Nancy (left) and Cynthia. 


Pewaukee, Wisconsin, is the home of 23-year-old twins Lyn (left) and Leigh Holiday, 
which is more than you can say for Green Bay. The girls are so psychically attuned that 
they have consulted a psychologist to overcome an annoying tendency to feel each 
other's emotional swings and physical pains. “The psychologists try to separate us, to 
get us to move away from each other," says Lyn, "and it just doesn't work. We both 
windup miserable. Each of us feels like one person who has been split in half." One of 
the twins’ favorite pranks with double dates used to be leaving the table at a restaurant, 
going to the bathroom and exchanging clothes, then returning and switching dates. 
“It was easy to fool the guys,” Leigh says, "because we wear the same perfume.” 


148 


Marge Ekhert (in the pink nightgown), 
22. and her sister, Judy, 24, are 
Czechoslovakian, and both possess 
that Old World quality found so seldom 
in American women these days: a 
quiet shyness. “Our mother died 
when we were young,” says San 
Franciscan Judy. "But before she died, 
she taught us love. So Marge and | 
have fostered each other since 
childhood.” Adds Marge, “Mother 
always toldus never to let a man come 
between us. So far, none has." Not 
that men haven't tried. Literally. “1 
suppose it's a common fantasy for 
men," Marge says almost 
sympathetically, "to sleep with two 
sisters. Two men have tried to arrange 
such a thing with us, but the idea never 
appealed to either of us, despite the 
fact that we generally like the same 
type of man." And what kind of man is 
that? "Shy, passive, like us. We both 
like slender, classically good-looking 
men. You might say almost feminine 
men. Feminine in the sense they can 
understand and empathize with a 
woman's feelings." Marge, who lives. 
in Los Angeles and studies acting, 
describes herself as the more "wild 
and outgoing" of the two. Judy, а 
published poetess, who attended 
Bennington College. 15 studying 
classical literature. “1 suppose it's true 
that we're sort of pretty,” says Judy, 
"but I don't think either of us thinks 
about it much. For both of us. it's more 
important to be creative than to have a 
lot of attention from many men. We 
tend to gravitate toward long-lasting 
relationships with one man.” 


We discovered the fabulous Zinszer sisters 
in 1974, when middle sister Pamela, now 22, 
was our March Playmate. Pamela (with 
flowers on her head above right and 
swinging from a rope at far right) says, “I've 
changed since then. After traveling and 
meeting people on Playmate promotion 
tours, I'ma more defined person. I've even 
lost some of the baby fat | had back then 
Older sister Cynthia (holding the basket 
above right), 25, says she and younger sister 
Deborah, 20, felt no jealousy when Pamela 
was discovered. “It was exciting for all of 
us." Cynthia, who aspires to a professional 
modeling career. takes an acting class with 
Pamela and shares with heran interest in art. 
In this very active family (all three jog, play 
racquetball and ride horses), younge: 
Deborah is perhaps the most athletic. She 
teaches racquetball, plays tennis and 
water-skis. In her spare time, studies 
Italian opera. The Zinszer sisters attribute 
their eye-stopping good looks to their 
mother, whom Cynthia descnbes as 
“sensationally beautiful” 


You may remember Denver residents Cynthia Elledge (below right), 28, and her 
sister Nancy, 26, as Bunnies Cindy Brown and Nancy Staskin; they appeared in 
our November Bunnies of "75 pictorial. Cindy was also in last November's 
Bunnies of '77. During the five years in which they worked at the Denver Playboy 
Club, says Nancy. "We went to all Bunny funcuons together. To the VA hospital, 
to the Bunny basketball games." As you can see, they also sun-bathe together. 
Both sisters like to mal lothes (Мапсу knits and crochets and Cindy does 
needlepoint) and Cindy recently began autocross racing with her Alfa Romeo. 


ANuburn-haired Kathy Kennéc (pronounced Ke-neese), 
24 (leaning lovingly over her sister, above), says she 
and her strawberry-blonde sister Kim, 22, were saved 
from the pits of narcissism by their mother, herself a 

“beautiful woman, both inside and out." "Don't 
misuse your beauty; Momma used to tell us,” says 
Кіт," ‘and always remember that beauty has a price. 
"'It certainly does,” agrees Denver resident Kathy, who, 
like her sister in Scottsdale, Arizona, is a fashion model. 

it’s always been hard for us to have good relationships 
with women because of our looks. Also, when you're 
pretty, men assume you're dumb." Kathy s: 

ye never been attracted to 

men. “When we were teenage: 
dated the high school quarterback and | dated older 
guys." The Kennéc sisters aren't above a little 
devilment. “One time, Kim and | double-dated at а 
drive-in movie and while we went to the refreshment 
stand, weleft a taperecorder running in the back s to 
catch what our dates said about us. We were pleased to 
find that both guys thought highly of us.” Smart guy: 


The Kiger sisters, dark-haired Patty, 30, and blonde Susan, 24. 
initially look so different that when they tell you they re related 
you almost don't believe them. When they undress, the 

family resemblance is more obvious. Patty is a secretary for a 
manufacturing firm in San Diego Susan makes her home in Los 
Angeles, where both sisters shared an oceanside apartment until 


last winter. Surely, we thought, they must sometimes feel competitive. "You never have, have you?" Patty asks 
Susan. "Competitive? Never. After all, there's plenty out here for both of us.” What kind of men do they like? "I think," 
says Susan, “every woman likes “em tall, dark, handsome, hairy and built.” “Yes, Susan certainly likes that type," says 
Patty. Both girls laugh. “We discuss everything in detail,” says Susan. “Everything,” says Patty, laughing, “like, 

“What was the diameter?’ еу laugh some more. “| like а man who can push me around,” says Patty, "a man 

who knows what he wants.” “I'm the same way," says Susan. "'If there's anything | can't stand, it's а kiss-ass." 


PLAYBOY 


156 


"You should thank me! She discovered she was multiorgasmic!" 


greeks and romans Epigrams by Luxorius and Others 


EPIGRAMS BY LUXORIUS OF 
CARTHAGE, CIRCA 500 A.D. 


То ап Old Voyeur 


onand on about the girls you lay, 

You loudmouthed phony, antiquated fart. 
You're older than the Phoenix bya day, 
And still you want to play the lover's part? 
Myopic, fecble, trembling—like as not, 
You couldn't put a quarter in the slot. 


For Whom the Bell Tolls 


Congratulations on your wedding day. 

I hope you'll make it through the night 
alive 

Poor limp-cock Marcus, do you know that 
she 

Has last month buried husband number 
five? 

What } Did on My Summer Vacation 

Somebody laid Marina in the surf. 


Why not? That milky foam gave Venus 
birth. 


No Beauty Contest 
Myrro makes out with all the ugly girls, 
A lovely woman drives him up the wall. 
Iknow exactly what his logic is: 
hie fair give part, the homely girls give 
all. 


Toa Leaky Lady 

Whenever you drink wine, you piss 
enough 

To flood the barren deserts of the south. 

Tollonia, make it easier on yourself 

And tip the wine cup to your lower 
mouth. 


EPIGRAMS FROM THE GREEK 
ANTHOLOGY, CIRCA 900 A.D. 


м 
Priapus, scing Kimon with a hard-on, 
Said, “I resign. Now he can watch the 


—ANTIPATER OF THESSALONICA 


The Exorcist 
"The exorcist drove out the devils with his 
stinking breath; 
Now how the hell do we get rid of the 
exorcist? 
—LUCIAN 


Holier than Thou 
Hermodotus the spokesman for moral 
virtue, 
Has been known to unfreeze. 
I won't say exactly how it happened— 
But he was on his knees. 
—Lucitius 


Complaint 

Past midnight. I slipped my husband. 

Drenched with rain, through the night 
1 stole. 

Came to you—and found that all you 
wanted to do 

"Was discuss the troubled state of your 
soul. 

—PHILODEMUS 


Long and Short 
Conan is three feet tall, 
His wife is six. 
Imagine now, when they're in bed, 
Where his head sticks. 
—ATIRIBUTED TO JULIAN 
THE APOSTATE 


Flagged 

All of us were drunker than goats, 

Except for Akindynos, who stayed so- 
ber— 

So which one of us did the barkeep throw 
out 

For being drunk and disorderly? 

—LUCIAN 


Two Against One 
Soaked by abundant wine and rain, I 
slipped and fell, 
By Zeus and Bacchus sent on the road 
to hall. 
DIONYSIUS OF ANDROS 


MLUSTRATIONS BY BRAO HOLLAND 


Ribald Classic 


Undergrad 

Sweet Lydia studies under supervision 

ОГ Rufio, her teacher in Math 1. 

АП night, he tutors her in long division, 
Until the rising of the sun. 


And now she's got her practice down so 
fine 
That she can quickly add to sixty-nine. 
tems 


Revelation 

'atrick is so well behaved 

He never thought about girls until he 
shaved; 

But, somchow, the look of his beard in 
the mirror 

Made everything clearer. 


— ANONYMOUS 


The Miser 


He dreamed he was spending money and 
when he awoke, 
Hermon the miser hanged himself with a 
borrowed rope. 
—Lvoinaus 
Thrice Blessed 
As Charito's sixtieth birthday nears, 
Her dark hair flows as thick as ever. 
Her flawless breasts, untouched by years, 
Exude an aphrodisiac perfume, 
Inspire men to some new endeavor. 
Lucky the lover who shares in 
pleni 
It’s bener than having three girls of 
twenty. 


her 


—PHILODEMUS 


About Zoë 
Zeus, when seducing as a swan, 

You laid sweet Leda on her back. 
bull, you hurried on 
uropa’s hijack. 

But they were virgins, as we know— 
D'you fear this juicy mortal so 
Because she is a pro? 


—PALLADAS 


—Translated by Richard O'Connell Ell 


157 


PLAYBOY 


(МУ HORSE cine rom page 10 


“Sun-bathing is permitted but only au naturel; the 
polka-dot lighting can’t combat bikini patches.” 


too high, with a natural wellrounded 
slope: no silicone at the Crazy"—he hz 
the girls ех by walking around on 
crutches, Their nipples are appropriately 
erect onstage because the temperature 
out there is kept 18 degrees cooler than 
in the dressing rooms, In summer, sun- 
bathing is permitted but only au naturel; 
the zebra and polka-dot lighting can't 
combat bikini patches. 

Bernardin's small miracle is in trans- 
forming the solemnity of his technique 
into the joy and high spirits that accom- 
pany the highly stylized show. In the 
early postwar years, Bernardin, then in 
mid-20s, was fascinated by everything 
American and decided a burlesque show. 
of his own might be “an exciting little 
adventure.” Although Paris was world- 
famous for its Folies-Bergére, Casino de 
Paris and Lido floorshows, it had never 
really had a nude vaudeville spectacle in 
the American style. 

“Nudes were not allowed to move on- 
stage then,” recalls Bernardin. “I wanted 
my girls to move, but I didn’t want to 
have anything to do with the striptease. 
The Crazy has never been a striptease 
show. My girls start without clothes.” 

Bernardin was also determined that his 
show would not be associated with the 
tacky, tawdry red-light district of Pigalle, 
where many other girlie shows were. He set 
up shop on the plush Avenue George 
V, down the street from the deluxe 
George V and Prince de Galles hotels, 
where well-heeled American, German and 
panese tourists could go without fearing 
they'd be fleeced. (Some might consider 
that the Стагуѕ minimum two-drink 
charge of $32 per person, or $65 for two 
for a bottle of champagne, is fleecing of 
a sort, but the high-powered two-hour 
show has packed them in, up to 300 each 
time, so that in the past 27 years, an esti- 
mated 2,500,000 people have seen the 
show. Bernardin’s little adventure grosses 
him $5,000,000 a year.) 

The Crazy Horse Saloon got its name 
from Bernardin’s love for the folklore 
of America’s wild West. “It was that or 
itting Bull,” he says. "Somebody told 
me Sitting Bull was not such a good ide: 

At any rate, the lobby of the low- 
ceilinged basement club (“The low ceiling: 
makes my girls look taller") is fes- 
tooned with tributes to the great Indian 
chief and newspaper accounts of Custer’s 
Last Stand. Customers may be puzzled by 
the doormen dressed in the uniform of 
Royal Canadian Mounties, but remem- 


158 ber, this is France. Don't expect a logical 


explanation. As it happened, a lunatic 
aristocratic wastrel from Normandy ap- 
peared at Bernardin's door one day in а 
scarlet Mou "s uniform and asked if 
he could be a doorman. "Why not?" said 
Bernardin, and when he disappeared onc 
day, Bemardin replaced him with two 
more “Mounties.” 

The girls’ gear is less fanciful—in fact, 
less, period. They start out wearing a 
specially designed set of satin-leatherette 
thongs that quickly disappear into the 
smallest G sting ever designed. These 
"costumes," plus high-heeled shoes, cost, 
we have been assured, $700 each. 

The girls who get into these outfits 
cach night come from all over Europe— 
rarely from America, “American girls аге 
scared by the idea of France,” Bernardin 
claims. “The best-looking girls come from 
Germany. Their civilization has always 
been at the crossroads of Latin, Slavic and 
Nordic migration and the mixture pro- 
duces beautiful, healthy, exciting girls. 
Polish girls are good, too, high-spirited. 
But I find the Scandinavians dull.” 

Three times a year, Bernardin travels 

across Europe in his earnest search for 
the “right” kind of beauty. He can talk 
for hours about the perfect thigh, but- 
tock or breast. When he spots what he 
wants, he sends the girl his business card. 
Jf their first meeting is a success, he gives 
her a plane ticket to Pa 
trial contract. 
‘They all want to dance at the Crazy,” 
he says proudly. “It’s the top of the tree. 
They think of it as a great chance to get 
into films, be discovered by a great pro- 
ducer, Of course, it never happens, but 
they like to believe that it does.” 

Meanwhile, they earn good money— 
$800 a week for the top featured dancers. 
Bernardin puts 20 percent of their wages 
away in a savings account, which is held 
for them until they leave the Crazy. No- 
body stays beyond the age of 30. 

When she starts working at the Crazy, 
each girl is given a stage name, chosen to 
fit her personality as perceived by Ber- 
nardin. Current examples are Lova Moor, 
Lily Paramount, Polly Underground, 
Trucula Bonbon, Van Banana, i 
Zanzibar and Greta Fahrenheit. 

Bernardin has his own pantheon of 
favorites, whom he recalls with misty 
sentimentality: Bertha von Paraboum, 
vintage 1964, the girl who went on wear- 
ing black boots, black gloves, a feather 
boa and a G string in the shape of a swas- 
tika. Instead of projecting stripes or polka 
dots on her, Bernardin had her bathed in 


more swastikas. "She was sensational,” һе 
says. “We got protest letters from old 
Nazis. It was terrific!” Trucula Bonbon— 
he makes you want to bite, and Гуе 
been looking at girls for 27 years. And 
she does it all for her invalid siste: 
Franca Germanicus—"Flaming red h 
alabaster skin; she drove a NATO officer 
crazy! 

The Crazy's policy about customers is 
no admirers allowed around 


nese businessman was immediately 
fired. At the same time, Bernardin (him- 
self a classical French family man with 
three children, a wife and a mistress, who 
cept each other's existence philosophi- 
cally) is nostalgic for the gallantry of the 
belle époque. “My girls would be de- 
lighted if someone sent them a bouquet, a 
tle note, an invitation to dinner, the 
way they used to. But that no longer hap- 
pens. Men aren't what they used to be, 
"But thank God the women are," hc 
adds, rhapsodizing about the beauty of 
the girls he works with. "Look at those 
breasts, that skin, the mouth, the eyes!” 
The girls themselves, three of them 
sitting around his office, smile indulgently 
at his enthusiasm. Whats their feeling 
about working at the Crazy? "It beats 


The secret of the Crazy's continuing 
uccess may be that it has consistently 
presented the personal taste of one 
man—whose fantasies seem to be shared 
by at least 2,500,000 paying customers. 

“1 do everything to please myself,” says 
Bernardin. “People tell me they love our 
theme music—We're the Girls of the 
Crazy—for instance, and that 1 should 
never change it. But I'm here every night 
and I'm sick of it. I want to hear soine- 
thing new. So the customers will, too. 

Bernardin has also avoided the trap 
of expanding too far. For the past 25 
years, Las Vegas has been trying to get 
him to send over a version of the Crazy, 
but he has resisted. He has made a movie, 
Crazy Horse Paris-France, which was 
shown at Cannes. It cost him a little over 
$1,000,000. Now his dream is a Broadway 
musical, for which he is already working 
on the music and the choreography. 
None of this means giving up the Sa- 
Joon—though it may soon move to more 
opulent, but still low-ceilinged, premise: 
The neighbors have been complaining of 
the noise. A retired French colonel, Jean 
Hercisse, sued Bernardin for $50,000 for 
lost sleep in the apartment above the 
club—and collected $2000 when lawyers 
dug up expert testimony that the Crazy 
produced more noise than the Concorde. 

The girls of the Crazy, we'll wager, 
would have a lot less trouble getting land- 
ing rights. — JACK ALTMAN 

B 


MIXING IT UP 
BL · 


drink Ў 
Ву EMANUEL GREENBERG 


proof positive that bourbon, 
Scotch, rye, irish and 
blends are still the 


number-one calls 


E THAT EYERYONE—cxcCept a few gin 


hards and the outreachers who are 
into white rum or tequ 
vodka, whiskey is ight? Don't you 
believe it. The U.S, has been a whiskey- 
drinking country almost since its inception. 
Bourbon makers often remind us that theii 
product was “born with the Constitutie 
in 1789. The fledgling n’s first full- 
scale insurrection, the Whiskey Rebellion 
of 1794, was fought over an excise tax on 
distilled spirits imposed b: 
‘Treasury Alexander Hani 
there's been а tremendous increase in the 
consumption of vodka and other relatively 
bland alcoholic beverages in the past two 
decades—especially by women and young 
people. But sophisticated bibbers, those 
wlio look for taste as well as effect, have 


—is drinking 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


PLAYBOY 


never abandoned whiskey 

Jf you doubt that whiskey is still the 
choice, count the bottles next time your 
belt buckle is up against а first-class bar. 
And if there are any lingering doubts, 
consider these statistics gleaned from 
Liquor Handbook: Americans consume 
two to three times as much whiskey 
as vodka—and more than the total of all 
other spirits combined! Moreover, one 
brand—Seagram's 7—has been our sin- 
gle most popular spirit since 1946. 

Whiskey encompasses the range of 
spirits distilled from grain, and there are 
least two dozen types recognized by 
the Feds. Manner and method of distilla- 
ncipal grain in the mash are 
the major factors in determining the cha 
acter of cach particular kind. Bourbon, 
for example, is described as a spirit dis- 
tilled principally from corn, coming olt 
the still at 160 proof or less and aged in 
charred new oak containers for a mini- 
mum of two years. The higher the per- 
cent of corn and the higher the proof 
at distillation, the lighter the whiskey is 
apt to be. Rye is similar to bourbon, ex- 
cept that the principal grain must, of 
course, be rye—which results in a slightly 
fuller, spicier brew. 

American blends (mistakenly called rye 
in the East and bourbon in the West) 
have always been mixtures of straight. 
whiskeys, usually bourbon, and neutral 
spirits. In the past five years, many lead- 
ing "blends" have been substituting light 
whiskey for the neutral spirits, resulting 
in a smoother product. The most popular 
imports, Scotch and Canadian, аге also 
blends of “straight” whiskies and bland 
grain whiskies, Scotch being made from 
barley and Canadian largely from corn. 

There's an excellent reason why the 
public today is more and more bullish on 
bourbon and other whiskeys. People are 
returning to liquor that has a definite 
taste and they're also digging the ver: 
tility of todays cleaner, lighter-bodied, 
lower-proof whiskeys. To be sure, mixing 
with whiskey is not a revolutionary ide; 
ness the lasting affection for such tra- 
ditional concoctions as the manhattan, 
whiskey sour, highball, old fashioned, 
Rob Roy, wl collins and mint julep- 
But today’s adventurous shakers and stir- 
rers have taken а giant step forward, flam- 
boyantly blending their favorite schnapps 
with fruit juices, sodas, nectars, syrups, 
liqueurs—the range of mixers. Distillers 
have encouraged the wend with brand 
promotions such as the Firecracker (Sca- 
gram's 7 and cranberry-juice cocktail), the 
Bitter Scot (Johnnie Walker Red and bit- 
ter lemon), the Rare Admiral (] & B Rare 
Scotch, lime juice, grenadine) and the 
Bronco Buster (Jim Beam, amaretto, 


tion and р 


160 cola). Even the staid British are getting 


into the act, combining Scotch with fizzy 
lemonade, a carbonated citricacid po- 
n—or, would you believe, cola soda? 

While not as versatile as vodka, whiskey 
makes a congenial and interesting drink 
base, adding a welcome touch of taste. For 
a cram course on what the excitement's 
all about, explore the drink recipes that 
follow. 


KOJAK 


(А fancy of the London Hilton Баг... 

served with a lollipop stirrer.) 

114 ozs. bourbon Е 

114 ozs. pineapple juice 

1 oz. passion-Iruit syrup 

Dash Jama 
Lollipop, optional 

Shake first four ingredients with cracked 
е. Strain over finely crushed ice in wine- 
glass. A slice of lemon or а twist may be 
substituted for the lollipop—in fact, it's 
recommended. Serve with short straws, 


ica rum 


IHE MG LAUCHLAN 


(Russ McLauchlan, head of Seagram's 
quality control, fecls that bourbon and 
apple are complementary flavors. "The 
McLauchlan is a convincing example.) 

1% ozs. bourbon 

1 02. арр!е-Йауотей brandy 

2 dashes orange bitters 

Apple wedge, cored but unpecled 

Place ice cubes in ng glass Add 
bourbon, appleflavored brandy and bit- 
ters. Stir well. Pour unstrained into old 
fashioned glas. Garnish with apple 
wedge and serve. 


ORANGE AGE. 


(Here's one screwdriver that won't taste 
like orangeade.) 

2 oss. bourbon 

4 ozs. orange j 

Lemon slice 

Pour bourbon and orange juice over 
ice in highball glass. Stir well, to chill. 
Hang lemon slice on rim of glass and 
serve. 


i 


RED-HAIRED MARY 
11/4 ozs. Irish whiskey 
2 ozs. tomato juice 
мог. lime juice 
3 dashes Worcestershire sauce 

Salt, pepper, to taste 

Lime wedge 

Shake first five ingredients briskly with 
cracked ice. Strain over fresh ice in rocks 
glass or small goblet. Garnish with lime 
wedge and serve. 


WHISKY-MAG 
2 ozs. Scotch 
1 oz. ginger wine 
Shake briskly with ice, to chill. Strain 
into cocktail glass. 


Nole: For smart touch, garnish the 
drink with small cube candied ginger on 


pick. 


COEUR DE PARIS 


134 ozs. bourbon 
16 oz. kirsch 
1 oz cherry cordi 
Lemon-pcel strip 
Shake first three ingredients briskly 
with cracked ice. Strain into chilled cock- 
Uil glass. Twist lemon peel over and 
drop in. 


LION'S MANE 


2 ozs. Scotch 

34 oz. apricot cordial 

2 оз. orange juice 

1 oz. lime juice 

Lime slice 

Pour first four ingredients over ice 
cubes in highball glass. Stir well. Deco- 
rate with lime slice., 


SALEM sWIZZLE, 


114 ozs. bourbon 

2 ozs. milk 

2 ов. apple juice 

Cinn. 

Shake first three ingredients briskly 
with ice. Strain over fresh ice in 8-oz. high- 
ball glass. Dust lightly with cinnamon 

Nole: Once in a while, there may be a 
slight coagulation of the milk. It's barely 
noticeable and doesn't affect the drink. 


on 


VIRGINIA GENTLEMAN 


(A specialty of Evans Farm Inn, 
McLean, Virginia, where statesmen and 
horsemen mingle.) 

114 ozs. bourbon 

1⁄4 oz. Strega 

Tropical-fruit punch 

Lemon twist 
Lime wedge 

Fill old fashioned glass with finely 
crushed ice. Pour in bourbon and Strega 
Top with light splash trop 
punch; sti nish with lemon twist 
and lime wedge. 


REDCOAT 


1% ozs. Canadian blended whiskey 

21, ozs. grapefruit juice 

2 teaspoons grenadine, or to taste 

Pour all ingredients over 
glass. Stir. Garnish with maraschino cher- 
ту, if desired. 

In add 
whiskeys have been lightened by the si 
ple expedient of lowering the proof. 
Among the brands that haven't gone this 
route are Fleischmann's Preferred (90 
proof, Schenley Reserve (86 proof). 
Bourbon Supreme Eagle Bottle (90 proof), 
Wild "Turkey (86.8 and 101 proof) and 
Maker's Mark (90 and 101 proof). 


оп to improved technology, 


PLAYBOY 
MUSIC °78 


heroes & villains 


162 


HITS, HYPES & EIEAV 


THE BEACH BOYS GET IT UP: In spite of rumors that Brian was 
actually a big cahunga as a surfer and is sanerthan you orl, The Beach 
Boys have been making so much spiritual progress—through the help 
of the Maharishi and, we hope, Rhonda—that they've had one of their 
meditation rooms padded on all six of its surfaces. Why? They must 
have been boy scouts, because they're Prepared. The padding is 
in case of sudden levitation. Is Transcendental Wrestling next? 


HOT WAX: Everyone knows that a little tits and ass will sell records, so Walter Egan and 
Columbia Records took that idea literally this year and gave uslittle girls flashing silky thighs 
and underthings. For outstanding achievement in soft-core lust, cheerleader division, Fun- 
damental Roll and Photographer Moshe Brakha get our Hot Wax of the Year Award. 


/ü ES 

vu 

OOPS! OR, THE SEC- 
OND ANNUAL KISS 
KASUALTY KOUNT: 
Amateur imitators of 
Gene Simmons' fire- 
breathing act continue to 
make accidental self- 
immolation one of the 
coming teenage fads. 
Last year, one kid man- 
aged to go all the way, but 
we don't want to forget to 
salute the countless un- 
sung second- and third- 
degree burns—keep up the good work, kids. And a bottle of 
Solarcaine to Simmons for becoming a Kasualty himself when he 
gave himself a new suntan and haircut during an L.A. concert. 


WHO WANTS TO 
BUY THIS 
DIAMOND RING? 
Academy 
Award-winning 
composer-singer 
Isaac Hayes, in a ] 
shaft from the IRS, © 
declared bankruptcy C 
tothe tune of 

$6,000,000 in debts. 
Atan auction, his 


$20,000 Eldorado— at 
“The exterior 1 
chromeis i 


gold-plated’ 
for $13,500. 


PUNK QUIZ: CAN YOU TELL THE REAL PUNK BANDS H 
WITHOUT ROBERT CHRISTGAU? Tue or false: (1) Sex Ё 
Pistols. (2) Radiators from Space. (3) Uptown Scum. (4) j 
Eddie & the Hot Rods. (5) The Vibrators. (6) Teen Death. (7) 3 
Dead Boys. (8) The Damned. (9) Radio. (10) Television. (11) 

The Stranglers. (12) Dick Disgusting & the Forks. (13) The А 
Babys. (14) The Sick Fucks. (15) Torn Panties. (16) Richard 

Hell & the Voidoids. (17) The Viletones. (18) Black Vinyl j 
Noise. Pictured above: The Babys. Answers: Every third 

name is presently available for use. 2 


THE LES PAUL ACOUSTICAL RODENT 
EXTERMINATOR? Several years ago, Bob 
Brown, a maker of electric guitars, awoke to 
find a host of ex-rats and mice gone to their 
reward near a guitar he'd wired wrongly and 
left on all night. Hmmm. And now 
comes his AMIGO, the better 
mousetrap, which “upsets the 
small pests’ neuro- 
logical systems," 
says Time. 
Don't Kiss 
concerts do 


HEAVYWEIGHTS CONFESS! 
Question: What were the last five records 
you listened to? 


ү 


RANDY NEWMAN 


RANDY NEWMAN 1 
Foot Loose & Fancy 
Free, by Rod Stewart. 2. 
Hotel California, by the 
Eagles. 3. Songs in the 
Key of Life, by Stevie 
Wonder. 4. Cold As Ice 
(Single), by Foreigner. 5. 
We Are the Champions 
(single), by Queen 
“Randy really got 
hooked on Rod this 
year,” said his publicist 


KARLA BONOFF 1 
Aja, by Steely Dan. 2. 
Little Criminals. by 
Randy Newman. 3 
Black Rose, by J. D. 
Souther. 4. Livin’ on the 
Fault Line, by The 
Doobie Brothers. 5. The 
Köln Concert, by Keith 
Jarrett. And we declare 
Karla to be our Rookie 
of the Year, and Best 
New Face as well 


КАНГА BONOFF 


JIMMY BUFFETT 1. JT, 
by James Taylor. 2. One 
Way Ticket to Paradise, 
by Dave Loggins. 3. 
Luxury Liner, by Em- 
mylou Harris. 4. Little 
Criminals, by Randy 
Newman. 5. Hotel Cali- 
fornia, by the Eagles. 
We wonder about the 
stereo rig on Buffett's 
boat. During a storm, 
SAMY BUEFETT. does it rock and roll? 
DEXTER GORDON 1. 
Homecoming and 2. 
Sophisticated Giant, 
both by Dexter Gordon. 
3. Don't Look Back 
by David Allyn accom- 
panied by Barry Harris. 
4. Sinatra & Company 
5. Dolo!, by Dolo Coker. 
Gordon's manager told 
us, "Dexter feels that the 
first two are the best 
albums he's made." 


DEXTER GORDON 


HELLO, GOODBYE: The most 
exciting, significant Beatles 
news in quite some time was 
another true highlight of 777. 

In one more of the inspired 
madcap moves that have 
made the world love them, 

the boys from Liverpool did 
it again, and broke all pre- 
vious records, by not get- 

ting back together for 
the seventh consecu- 
tive year. In other hot, 

fast-breaking Beatles 
news, John is still ac- 
tually the Walrus, 

no matter what 
Linda says. 


JOHNNY B. GOODE GOES TO 
HEAVEN: Chuck Berry's classic 
ditty duck-walked clean into outer 
space this year. Seems that 
Johnny B. Goode was included on 
The Sounds of Earth, a special 12- 
inch record on the NASA label that 
was strapped to the side of the 
Voyager 2 spacecraft and fired at 
Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Elvis and 
Jimi. The disc, which shipped solid 
copper, came in an attractive 
aluminum jacket and presumably 
will lead to a close encounter of the 
three-chord kind. Go, Johnny, go! 


1 AMBEAVER, HEAR ME GNAW: California governor Jerry "Let's All Go To 
Outer Space” Brown, proving that he is Zen, crazy or has a terrific sense of 
humor, appointed Helen Reddy to the California Park and Recreation 
Commission. Her qualifications? Thirty-two consecutive Midnight Special 
segments? Coming from Australia, which is mostly outdoors? Jerry? 


VEG-O-MATIC'S GREATEST 
ЕЕ HITS: Ever wonder how those al- 


J = WES bums they hustle on UHF actually 
MDS 


sell? The folks at Ronco say their 

two biggies are Solid Gold 
Pe AANA 
m 


and Love Rock. Over at 
K-tel, Music Machine 


and Frankie Valli and 

the Four Seasons are 

both hot, but their 

J qiue monster hit is 

Б an anthology al- 
r 


bumcalled Dumb 
Ditties. Isn't 
that amazing? 


FLASH! SCOOP! 

BULLETIN!... 

Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. 

North America and all the 

discos at sea. This is David 

Standish coming to you from > 

high atop the Playboy Building, uil eg 
Туе been instructed finally to reveal that lm Our Man 
in Music and to pick my own Bests and Wursts of '77— 
chiefly so the other editors can stop taking flack at 
cocktail parties about the choices. But 1 can take it. 
Just spell my name right ín the hate letters, Best 
Single: Except for Randy Newman's Shor! People, 
which doesn't count, there were no great singles in 
"77, the worst year for AM radio since legendary 
bleak 1962. Best Single That Never Was: Elvis Cos- 
tello's Mystery Dance, from his album My Aim Is True. 
Wurst Single: Dave Mason's We Just Disagree, for 
brimming with dumba ethics, Seventies style. The 
idea of someone named Leif Garrett doing 
Runaround Sue makes me айе nervous, too. Best 
Albums: Toucan Do It Too, by The Amazing Rhythm 
Aces; Teenage Depression, by Eddie and the Но! 
Rods; Sun Sessions, by Elvis Presley; Love You Live. 
by The Rolling Stones; Chirpin’, by The Persuasions; 
This Time Ifs for Real, by Southside Johnny & the 
Asbury Jukes; Beatles af the Hollywood Bowl. Wurst 
‘Albums: A vastness of riches. No point in kicking the 
unknowns bubbling below the Bottom 5000, but 
among albums that went gold or better, the year's 
worst, by a slim margin of mediocrity, is Peter 
Frampton's l'm in You—and he used to bo one of my 


BIONIC CHER: 
1977 found Cher 
having her hopes 
and breasts lifted. 
Gregg checked into 
a hospital for more 


drug rehabilitation 
(thus the hopes) and 
the lady herself had 
"another" boob job. 
This forced NBC to 
drop her as host of 
the Rock Awards. 
And that's it from the 
Gregg and Cher 
desk for this year. 


favorite guitarists. Sound Track from “Star Wars" also. 
merits special mention. Most Deserving New Rich 
Kid: Jimmy Buffett. Least Deserving New Rich Kid: 
Debby Boone. Dullest Gala Privete Bash: Elton's 
little do for Kiki Dee last summer on Lower Broadway. 
Elton's mismatched shoes were the party's high point. 
Press Manipulators of the Year: The Rolling Stones, 
especially Keith Richard, with a bullet. Jobriath 


THE GOLDEN FIST AWARD . . . and 
a one-pound styptic pencil to Led 
Zeppelin, whose '77 tour was 
really a riot. There were 19,000 
little lemon squeezers running 
amuck when guitarist Jimmy 
Page got sick onstage in 
Chicago, and a postconcert 
melee in Oakland report- 
edly featured drummer 
John “Bonzo” Bonham 
and three Zep aides 
stomping a local 
Stagehand. 


HITS, HY DES & HEAVIES ^77 


ТА 


IF IT'S NOT IN THE GROOVES, SEND OUT SOME 
CLEVER PROMO TRASH: Most rock writers are sent seas 
of T-shirts, belt buckles, paperweights, etc., every year. 
Unlike some, Bob Weiner (above), ace gossip columnist 
for the Soho Weekly News, actually collects the stuff. But 
how about the dead rat that some genius sent out to 
promote Boomtown Rats? Keep that one, Weiner? 


ROLLING THUNDER TO TUMBLING DICE? Dear Joar: 
We know these things don't mean what they did ten years 
адо, and, honest, we think you get sexier every year, but still 
itwas a jolt to wake up one day to find you playing Vegas. Is 
it some subtle new protest movement? Love, Playboy. 


PUNK TAKES 
AMERICA 


tear that t-shirt! raid old 

clothes bins! skewer your 
body with safety pins! 
и, too, can be rotten and 
vicious and stylish!) 


One point of fashion among young 
people has always been to scare the old 
folks shitless and say as directly as possi- 
ble, we're different from you. Well, look 
around you. This is fairly direct. They've 
done it again, and this time it wasn't easy, 
since the trippy-dippy freedom of the Si 
ties made it OK to wear anything. Didn't 
it? These people are at a punk fashion 
show held, naturally, in Los Angeles, out 
there on the rim in so many things. And 
theyve taken the idea of anything 
given it a little . . . shove. The opa 
aesthetic theory seems to be quite literally 
to wear your psychosis—and/or the con- 
tents of your wastebasket—on your sle 
We think it's a great success. The styles 
convey no old-fashioned notions of peace 
or love; and the only dope they suggest 
is horse tranquilizers. So the long-awai 
breakthrough has been made 

pur the Sixties behind us 

God. Would you pass the chains, please? 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOHN VAN HAMERSVELD 


the king is gone, the punks are with us and movie music reigns supreme 


THE YEAR IN MUSIC 


ByMARIK VON LEHMDEN 


THE YEAR IN MUSIC, 1977. A year of financial superlatives in 
the music industry. Overall sales up ten percent above 1976, 
topping three billion dollars for the first time in history. 
Record divisions of the biggies—CBS, Warner Communica- 
tions, Inc, RCA, EMI—<consistently reporting quarterly sales 
increases of 20, 25, 30 percent over last year. The well-shaved 
jowls of entertainment-industry stock analysts and. brokers 
glow with fulfillment. Doughty little Arista Records, Clive 
Davis, Prop., increases its first-quarter earnings by 123 per- 
cent. Stockholders’ meetings are disrupted by spontancous 
cheering as gruff but kindly board chairmen bend down to 
receive the tremulous blessings of widows and orphans. 

Wait—there's more: Radio profits for 1976, belore taxes, had 
increased nearly 100 percent. Country music now accounts for 
20 percent of all records sold, due in part to the disinclination 
of housewives, both urban and rural, to distinguish between 
Engelbert Humperdinck and George Jones. Hold on a min- 
ute. The respective hit singles of Debby Boone (You Light Up 
My Life), Rita Coolidge (Higher and Higher), Crystal Gayle 
(Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue) and Linda Ronstadt 
(it’s So Easy and Blue Bayou) quickly congeal into a plaintive, 
cloying mctasingle that just seems to drone on and on for most 
of the year, while Frampton Comes Alive, rock's answer to 
animal tranquilizers, has sold as many copies as there are 
people in some Western states. There's something wrong here. 
Billboard said that by the end of 1977, it was expected that 
Cherry Hill, New Jersey, would "probably have one of the larg- 
est concentrations of audio and stereo stores in the country . . . 


there are 14 established record and stereo shops within a three- 
mile arca." Hold on just a minute; I said there's something se- 
riously wrong here! OK, take a deep breath; let's try it again. 

Now, assuming that we're all reasonably mature music 
lovers, who also have had occasional brushes with the law of 
supply and demand (as opposed to complete vinyl junkies who 
think a.record is in the store because they willed it to be 
there), it would seem to follow that the music industry is 
making all this boodle because it's selling more records; and 
if it’s selling more records, that means more music is recorded, 
played on the radio and sold in the stores. 

Unfortunately, that’s precisely what isn't happening. More 
records (and tapes) are being sold, and at higher prices (the 
$7.98 list price became standard for most top acts in 1977). 
but the number of new acts being signed is tapering off. CBS, 
after two expansive years, is putting its checkbook away for a 
while and ABC announced that it will be releasing half as 
many albums this year as it did in 1977. 

So you won't be hearing as many new singers or groups in 
the future, but the ones you do hear, you'll be hearing more 
often. And not only because the companies’ promotional tech- 
niques and the stores’ merchandising ploys have become more 
selective and sophisticated—which they have—there's also the 
increasingly unpleasant tendency among FM stations toward 
shorter play lists: fewer tunes, more repetition. 

FM-radio listening is up 12 percent over 1976, but progres- 
sive, or freeform, FM is rapidly being supplanted by 
what's politely known as AOR (continued on page 172) 


LINDA RONSTADT 


Country-and-western music likes its women vocalists to wear their hearts on 
their sleeves and their skirts over their heads. Linda Ronstadt understands 
that very well. Yet, when you listen io her, there are other factors at work to 
sweeten the deal. Her voice, unlike most C&W warblers, still Базга baby 
pudge to it. She is everyone's first love. She is always the girlfriend but never 
the roommate; the passionate pubescent but never the tail wagger. After 
making three albums with the Stone Poneys and two solo efforts, she hooked 
up with Don Henley, Glenn Frey and Randy Meisner to record “Linda 
Ronstadt.” Six months later, they went on to form their own group, The 
Eagles, but not until they had given Linda the kind of backup her voice, has 
always required. “Don’t Cry Now" marked her first association with master 
producer Peter Asher, who, it can be argued, was the first person to mike 
Linda properly. Their association started a string of platinum albums for 
her, most recently, “Simple Dreams.” She has been responsible for giving a 
slew of talented California songwriters—from Jackson Browne, Kate Mc- 
Garrigle, J. D. Souther and, now, Karla Bonoff—a showcase. She is also 
responsible for making America aware of Dolly Parton's voice. Her own 
voice became the emotional cutting edge—a touchstone against which her 
listeners could measure their own angst. Linda’s poignancy maps out the 
rather vacuous emotional terrain of the Seventies; she’s there to add the 
humanness, the little-girLlostness that reinforces our prevalent desperado 
myth and makes cowboys of us all. In the kingdom of the heartbroken, 
Linda Ronstadt is queen, and a long reign seems assured. 


DAVE BRUBECK FRANK SINATRA —— LOUIS ARMSTRONG RAY CHARLES LINDA RONSTADT 


SCULPTURE BY 


STEVIE WONDER RINGO STARR 


167 


168 


POP/ROCK 


CARL PALMER crums 


PAUL McCARTNEY boss ^ _ 


FLEETWOOD MAC group 


STEVIE WONDER composer. PETER FRAMPTON guitar 


JAMES TAYLOR mole vocolist 
UNDA RONSTADT female vocalist 


RHYTHM-AND-BLUES 


EARTH, WIND & FIRE group 


EDGAR WINTER woocwinds ‘CHICK COREA keyboards, composer 


WEATHER REPORT goup 
LIONEL HAMPTON vibe 
DOC SEVERINSEN bross 


BARBRA STREISAND female vocolist 


GEORGE BENSON male vccolist 
ILLUSTRATION BY BILL UTTERBACK 


169 


THINK OF IT AS A SPORTS CAR 
WITH TWO WHEELS. 


Why does someone who wants to get XS150 is downright exhilarating. Not 


from one place to another buy a to mention about $25,000 less. 

Porsche Carrera or a Ferrari instead of THE BIG THREE. 

a nice, sensible station wagon? "Irue,the Yamaha XS750 has but three 
Simple. It’s more fun. cylinders to the Porsches six. But 


Now, take that logic a step further 
and you could end up right smack 
on the seat of the new Yamaha XS750. 
Because if a sports car is fun, the 


Five-way-adjustable shocks. 
Three-way-adjustable forks up front. 
Result: extraordinary handling. 


ks. MN. A powerful 747cc, dual-over- 
— head-cam triple with super- 
The last word in shaft drive. efficient "Type I" Mikuni 
A constant-velocity u-joint carbs, improved cam timing, 
delivers smooth, even power. Transistor Controlled Ignition. 


those three cylinders, ably assisted by 
dual overhead cams, electronic ignition 
and newly-designed" Type П” Mikuni 
carburetors give the 750 an incredible 
9000 rpm redline. 


As a result, the 750 can boast an 
official standing quarter-mile time 
of 12.8 seconds, versus 15.2seconds 
ГА 


^ num 
for the Porsche. (And an extremely 
efficient power-to-weight ratio of 10.3 
Ib/bhp versus 13.5 Ib/bhp, if youre 
interested.) 


i YOU CAN HANDLE IT. 
>. The XS750 is a lean and 


> NI 


limber machine without a 
single ounce of unneces- 
sary bulk. And it comes 
equipped with an un- 
cannily responsive 
suspension system: 
five-way-adjustable 
rear shocks and new 
three-way-adjustable 
front forks. 
All you have to do 
is lean it into a turn 
at speed on a winding 
canyon road to realize 
that the handling of 


afine motorcycle is a thrill no four- 
wheeled vehicle can match. 


NO CHAIN, GANG. 


Of course, with a motorcycle you might 


expect comfort to go right out the 
window (if it had one). But, in fact, the 
750 is about as smooth and quiet as 
anything on the road. Because its five- 
speed, constant-mesh transmission is 
hooked up to our fully-enclosed, state- 
of-the-art shaft drive, for a turbine-like 
power transfer. 

As for the amenities, the Х57505 
got a bunch. Dual hydraulic disc brakes 
up front and one in the rear. Strong, 
lightweight cast aluminum wheels. 
Self-cancelling turn signals. Full 
instrumentation. Even a re: 
serve lighting system: if 
one headlight filament // 
burns out, the other 
lights automatically. 


Р Take a good, 
| long look at the 
extraordinary XS750 
motorcycle at your local 
Yamaha dealer. If you still have 
trouble adjusting to the idea of not 
having four wheels, there is a solution. 
Buy two XS750s. 


When you know how theyre built. 


PLAYBOY 


172 Zip Code: 


YEAR IN MUSIC 


(continued from page 166) 


“The primal anger and unremitting ugliness of the 
punks is а kind of kill-or-cure musical corrective.” 


(album-oriented rock), or format FM. 
AOR stations have a superficial likeness 
to progressive stations—laid-back deejays 
playing album cuts rather than singles — 
but the actual choice of what's played is 
no longer left to the deejays (too many 
rambling, late-night monologs about how 
stoned they are, punctuated by extended. 
selections from Firesign Theater or the 
Bonzo Dog Band), or even to the pro- 
gram directors themselves. Increasingly, 
the programing —which, after all, deter- 
nes a station's sound and style—is be- 
g done by outside consultants who, 
after surveying a station's location and 
audience, supply a weekly play list 
culated to appeal to the most listenei 
So if it’s suddenly dawned on you that 
the Eagles’ Life in the Fast Lane is the 
most kick-ass rock 'n' roll to come over 
your car radio in months, now you know 
why. Even that is better than the ulti- 
mate extension of prepackaged formu- 
lization, the ea Pablum known as 
casy-listening rock—a flat-out contradic 
tion in terms, as any real rocker will 
tell уо: 

IF this is beginning to sound just a bit 
like Pavlovian conditioning. you're not 
far off. The latest wrinkle in AM radio, 
and one that is making inroads into the 
supposedly hipper FM formats, is an odi- 
ous innovation known as passive re- 
ch. It's based on the assertion that 
the traditional indicators of a record's 
popularity—mainly, sales and phone re- 
quests—reflect the taste of only about 
20 percent of a station's listeners. This 
means that four fifths of the country’s 
dio fans are living their lives in a 
state of unrescarched innocence, some- 
where outside the statistical pale. Enter 
the researchers, such as Jack McCoy, with 
his RAM computer-research system. The 
RAM system, now used by 26 AM and 
FM stations, involves calling “represent- 
ative” listeners each week and asking 
them their preferences, sometimes even 
playing them tunes, and then following 
up with a questionnaire. All the infor- 
mation is evaluated and fed into the 
computer and the results determine what 
cuts get the most emphasis, in many cases 
superseding the already desiccated top- 
30 weekly play list: If the research (with 
a nod toward local sales) says the audi- 
ence wants to hear 22 songs, that's 
exactly what it gets. Billboard. reported 
a further re! The RAM system 
has a new ^. that “can now pro- 
vide music preferences by format by 
In other words, if your 


neighborhood is in the mellow throes of 
a collective Fleetwood Mac attack, you 
may have to move to а rougher part of 
town to hear The Rolling Stones or Led 
Zep, or leave the state altogether. And 
even then, your chances of hearing any 
thing different or new aren't too good; 
as a Minneapolis program director told 
Billboard, when asked about passive re- 
Scarch: “ "No, it's not valuable at all for 
finding new music. But it will tell you if 
a record is ali in your market and if 
you should be playing i 

There you have it. Like it or not, the 
music business has managed to mold 
the vagaries of individual talents and 
the vicissitudes of public taste to a degree 
undreamed of ten years ago, when the 
current cycle of explosive growth began. 
It's now an entertainment industry 
effectively researched, promoted and 
merchandised as the television and mov- 
ie industries. Cost effectiveness, getting 
the biggest return on each dollar invest- 
ed, has won out, as the older generation 
of musiccrazed, “I can feel it in my 
hones—we got a hit!” executives either 
pass from the scene or fall into line. 

The ultimate irony. as [ar as rock fans 
are concerned, is that this growth cycle 
began with the amazing concentration 
of rock-n-roll artists who crowded onto 
the scene in the middle and late Sixties, 
fueling the revival of a then-moribund 
ecord industry. Now, original talent is 
les important than dependable acts 
turning out predictable product that 
sounds like everything else and doesn’t 
make waves. The only authentic voices 
left are out on the fringe and, by all 
current indications, will be there for 
quite some time. 

A few such voices [rom the musical 
hinterlands, nevertheless, did manage to 
make themselves heard over the relent- 
less sound of Muzak during 1977. Re 
ords by most of the major punk-rock/ 
New Wave bands became widely avai 
able for the first time, after two years of 
itical tub thumping that transmuted 
nstallment of three-chord 
п’ roll into a combination musical 
Fountain of Youth and Divine Wind. 
Now that the fog of hype and hysteri 
has cleared somewhat, it’s apparent 
that—even more than the music—it's the 
attitudes of the punks that older critics, 
eager to embrace a new trend remini: 
cent of the hard rock of the earlier, 
ELO or Yes era, find so attrac- 

The old-fashioned — rock'n'roll 
self-destruction, dead-end nihilism and 


arrogant dumbness of the music of the 
Sex Pistols, Ramones, Richard Hell and 
the Voidoids and dozens of others is re- 
pellent—it’s meant to be. But considering 
the slick pop morass much of rock has 
sunk into, the primal rock^n'roll anger 
and unremitting ugliness of the punks 
is also a kind of extreme, killorcure 
musical corrective. Already, one can see 
this happening among the best of the 
New Wave bands—in the tight, stripped- 
down, overheated hard rock of Eddi 
and the Hot Rods; the spare, arch, 
strectsmart R&B of Mink DeVille; the 
oddball mannerisms of Elvis Costello: 
nd the tense, jungle-of-cities minimalism 
of Television. 

There are other, better-known rockers, 
genuine masters such as The Rolling 
Stones, Jeff Beck and Eric Clapton, who. 
measured by the yardstick of record sales 

nd air play, have moved out to the 


periph of mass popular taste, but 
whose musical standards and influence 
show no signs of fading. The same holds 


uue for Neil Young, who a 
career of dodging stardom while produc 
ing a body of work—documented in his 
Decade triple LP—of cumulative quirky 
brilliance comparable only to that of 
Bob Dylan. 

Then there are the established eccen- 


trics, such as Randy Newman. Steely 
Dan and Joni Mitchell; unclassifiable 
pop innovators who occasionally маке 


their cults, record companies and most 
likely themselves by producing a hit 
(Newman's Short People was his first hit 
ple ever: the Dan's Aja. their best- 
selling LP) or, in the case of Mitchell's 
Don Juan’s Reckless Daughter, a mar- 
velously odd essay into Am art 
song that ranks as one of the best albums 
of the year. 

The movement in black music toward 
mechanized funk and deracinated enter- 
tainment has pushed some artists wor 
in earlier forms into premature 
: Al Green, the greatest soul 
we have, is 


singer a premier case in 
point. Sometimes the “living legends" 


surprise even their mos loyal (ans, 
though, as did Muddy Waters, who, 
supported by Johnny Winter and James 
Cotton, came roaring back off the blu 
nostalgia circuit with his Hard Again 
LP, just to let the world know he’s still 
Kicking, Levon Helm, formerly of The 
Band, combined his backwoods back 
beat with Paul Butterfield’s blues harp 
and Mac Rebennacks New Orleans 
piano and, as The RCO All-Stars, they 
put together a fine album of revisionist 
R&B. Reggae fans consoled themselves 
with The Heptones’ Party Time, while 
Garland Jeffreys mixed elements of Car- 
ibbean, soul and rock on Ghost Writer, 
a jittery organ-flavored debut LP of such 
incisive originality that he is probably 

(continued on page 215) 


Wer Ж АМ 


OLD MAN WINTER may have just obout breathed his icy last, but there are still plenty of cold, drizzly days awaiting us. One of the 
best ways to stay warm when walking in the wet is to lay on several layers of clothes under a lightweight outercoat. One 
problem: Most af the tailored coat styles of the past few years weren't cut out for multiple layers—and those that were 
fit like pup tents. Abave, we have the solution: a Castelbajac-designed full-cut caped-back raincoat, fram Ultimo, abaut 
$300, rakishly topped off with a Kevin McAndrew felt hat, $45. In it, even Quasimodo would look like Ronald Colman. 173 


PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD FEGLEY 


2 


LOOK AT THAT Ree 100 
LL € S 
€ WE TOAST ЮЧ SETA 


WEEVIL GET ME 


ANE BIG DUMMY! 
© SOON AS THEY WIT 
HOLLUWOOD, SHE'LL 
SELL HIM TO A 

GLUE EACTORY! 


HERE?S YOUR B- 
GIRL, мє. ООС... 


1 ОРЧ, BAI wet FORGOT 
MOENS 2 GO- WHAT TO Qo, 
BUENO! } | ОЛУ АП ош 
4 400 
o Nose! 


Sure. m 
quee SURE V 
MEMBER f»: обн... 


AAAH, HERE WE 
ARE! -UNH I... UNH! 


ЧОО, WEENIL --- NEVER, 
LOSE YOUR ASS iN 
TIJUANA! 


176 


1 ALWAYS THOUGHT | COULD HANDLE 
ANYTHING, MAX. IN 'GZ 1 DROPPED ENOUGH 
Acap To MELT DOWN A SMALL TRUCK. IN 
1970 | CAUGHT SHRAPNEL IN MY NECK. 
1 WAS IN A V-A. HOSPITAL FOR ELEVEN 
MONTHS. 1 TOOK IT Аш, IN STRIDE. 


EVEN AS A KIP- | WAS BITTEN BY А RATTLER, 

AND PNOTHER TIME 1 WENT OVER А CLIFF 

IN A CAR — TRAUMATIC STUFF, RIGHT '? 

1 KEPT IT TOGETHER. NO MATTER WHAT, 
1 WAS LIKE A LITTLE IRON MAN. BUT 

SOMETHINGS GOT ME Att SHOOK UP NOW, 

SOMETHING... NEBULOUS. 


WHAT UM TALKING ABOUT, 
MAN, 15 I THINK I'VE 
Losr MY MIND! 


THEN, t WAS IN THE SLAMMER FOR A YEAR 

ON A TRUMPED-UP DRUG BUST, AND 

THATS NOT ALL. WHEN 1 GOT OUT, ! TOOK 

A TRIP ACROSS THE COUNTRY. SÓMG 

BIKERS CUT МЕ UP So BAD | LOOKED 

LKE 150 POUNDS OF STRAWBERRY JAM. 
THE Рот 15, 1 HANDLED IT. 


THE IMPERSONALIZATION.... 

BOPIES, LIKE ZOMBIES, LOOKING FoR А 
SCENE. BUT THERE'S NOTHING. IT'S LIKE 
THE FIFTIES AGAIN! THE ONLY THING TO 
DO IS COMB HERE TO "MR. GOOPBODY'S." 
SOMETIMES WE GET LUCKY. BOT THE 
EMPTINESS PERVADES OUR EVERY Move. 
AND 1 CAN'T HANDLE 


WHAT'RE YOU TALKING 
ABOUT, MANZ 


DON'T SWEAT IT, MAN. 
IT'S SO SICK IT CAN'T 
HANE GONE FAR- 


How TRIE, 
How TRvE / 
> 
H 


GEE, EBO- YOU WERE P 
REGULAR SKYROCKET! 


& 


к=” 
( AND W FIZZLED OWY N 


ASOT FIVE 
SECONDS 


Ar THE WATER COOLER, SNAVELEY 15 NEVER АТ A LOSS 


WORDS WHEN THE TOPIC OF CONVERSATION TURN: 
TOWARD THE HUMAN REPRODUCTIVE FUNCTION. 


SO-ER-UH-THE LITTLE BEE- 


AND 
| UH-THE LITTLE ВЕЕ BUZZES FROM 


FLOWER TO FLOWER, AND-ER-UH--- 


177 


= 


PLAYBO 


178 


TREADS ме» 


“Some bikers thrive on the assertion of self that comes 
with making five shifts in 100 yards.” 


fairing. If you plan on riding in chilly 
weather, the fairing is a must. 

You'll be surprised at how you end up 
using a bike such as the KZ400. Several 
editors from PLAYROY were ensconced in 
Hollywood's Sunset Marquis hotel. After 
an evening of meetings, they decided to 
unwind by playing football in the base- 
ment zc. About every third or fourth 
pass, the quarterback would loft the ball 
over a wooden fence, down a 20-foot 
drop, into the parking lot of a high-rise 
somewhere in the next county. The wide 
receiver would flick the electric start on 
the KZ400, zip around two corners and 
retricve the ball in the time it took the 
opposing team to figure out its next play 
"hats what you call a spur-of-the-mo- 
ment motorcycle. 

Honda Hawk Hondamatic: Kawasaki's 
idea to market three versions of a 400-c.c. 
motorcycle caught the eye of Honda 
marketing crew. Honda launched 
sprightly middleweight triumvirate with 
a campaign that invited riders to “Fly 
the Hawk." The Hawk I and Hawk IT 
аге high-performance (39 horsepower) 
motorcycles that rival some of the larger 
superbikes for kick-ass maneuverability. 
‘The Hawk Hondamatic is something 
cle: The company introduced its semi- 
automaticshift bike by inviting dealers’ 
wives to take a spin around the track. 
Onc lap and they were hooked. 

On most bikes, driving isa complicated 
fou it hand op- 
erates the front brake and throttle, the 
left hand pulls the clutch, the left foot 


shifts the g 
ates the rear bi 


nd the right foot oper- 
e. It takes beginners a 
le to le: to coordinate those four 
activities into one fluid, unself-conscious 
style. Some people never learn, The first 
sign of panic and they shift into third 
gear, or rev the engine and crash into 
the side of a car. The majority of motor- 
cycle accidents happen during the first 
24 hours of riding. The Hawk Honda- 
matic simplifies the driving task and 
thereby increases your chance for sur- 
vival. It may be the safest motorcycle on 
the road. The semiautomatic has three 
shift positions. At a stop light, you flip it 
into neutral. One tap into first, roll the 
throttle and you begin to move. (The 
torque converter is incredibly smooth. It 
is almost impossible to havea jerky, whip- 
lush-provoking, bucking-bronco start.) 
Somewhere this side of 50, you tap the 
lever into prive 2. The engine will take 
you well over the speed limit. For curves, 
you decelerate by tapping down into 
DRIVE 1. It’s as casy as that. And it works. 

Of course, some bikers thrive on fren- 
zy. the assertion of self that comes from. 
making five shifts in 100 yards. Drive a 


w 


regular bike for a full day and your 
clutch h 
The Hondamatic is a leisurely bike, a 


wonder of technolo; 

Suzuki GS 400C: Last year, Suzuki 
cleaned out its inventory of two-stroke 
road bikes and introduced the GS series 
of fourstrokes, The flagship of the line 
is the GS 1000, followed closely by the 
incredible GS 750 (ee Long-Distance 


COCHRAN! 


“Well, my dear, I'll leave you to your own devices.” 


Runners in the May 1977 PLaysoy). 
The GS 400C looks like the GS 750, 
rides like the 0 and is the bike 
that other 400s will be judged against 
for the next few years. It is hot, agil 

with slingshot acceleration courtesy of 
30.61 horsepower threaded through a six- 
speed transmission, The steering geome 
try is a joy, reminiscent of the breeding 
and handling of the quarter horse. Per 
feet for prancing around city obstacles. 

When it comes to automobiles, you 
have to look to Porsches and Ferraris for 
stateof-theart engineering. In motor- 
cydes, you find the same quality at the 
top and the bottom of the line. The price 
difference between a 400€ and a 750 is 
about $950. If that. isn't reason enough 
to buy the smaller bike, think of it as 
choosing the right tool for the right job. 
The GS 400C is precision in a small 
package, the ultimate city machine. 

Yamaha XS 400: Yamaha chose this 
year to switch their locus away from two- 
stroke road bikes to fourstroke road 
bikes. The EPA laws that control emis- 
sion standards go into effect in 1979 for 
motorcycles—and that will be the last 
you'll see of Yamahia’s two-stroke RD 400. 
The Rocket. Oh, it may still be around, 
or some version of it, but the performance 
won't be the same. It appears that Ya- 
maha has decided to forgo the issue. By 
introducing a very hot 400-cc. four- 
stroke, they hope we'll forget the Rocket. 
Maybe they're right. The XS 400 boasts 
disk brakes front and rear. Cast-alumi- 
num wheels. Electric start. Self-canceling 
turn signals. A six-speed bike. The nicest 
touches may be the knurled brake and 
clutch levers and the split-level seat. The 
knurled levers form-fit your fingers, like 
a pair of brass knuckles. If nothing else, 
they give you something to hold on to. 
The splitlevel seat provides extra sup- 
port for a single rider. 

Harley-Davidson SX-250: In truth, a 
250 should not be included in this col- 
lection of middleweight 400-c.c. motor- 
cycles. But this is a Harley and, by 
definition, all Harleys are heavy. We 
picked up the SX-250 at the Harley West 
Coast headquarters in Santa Ana and 
took the bike out to Silverado Canyon 
Road, the same bit of country through 
which we had tested the Harley 1000-с.с. 
Calé Racer last winter. It wasn’t the 
same, of course, but it was close. The SX. 
250 fills your hand and rides like an 
American bike—even though it is 
made in Italy. It's a motorcycle for pur 
ists—the only one of the five we test- 
ed thar did not have an electric starter. 
If you can't kick а 250 over, then you 
don't deserve to ride a motorcycle. It also. 
sports а four-speed transmission—one 
or two less than the others but more than 
enough for the oc in. Old-fashioned 
but feisty. Like we said, something for 


the purists. 


"There are some things vou 
never want to change. 

Like the feeling you get 
when you reel in that first big one. 

Ап old familiar feeling. An 
excitement that never changes. 

Like the feeling you get with 
every single sip of Smooth as Silk 
Kessler. S consistently smooth. 


Unchanging, There's no smoother 
whiskey at any price. 

Like Kessler, the best things 
in America never change. 


Thank goodness 
^ the best things 
in America 
never change. 


SMOOTH AS SILK 


KESSLER 


эт ESLER CO., LAWRENCEBURG, IND, BLENDED WHISKEY B PRODE- 7244 GRAIN NEUTRAL SPIRITS, 


PLAYBOY 


180 


SKY DIVE ..........„ 


“I sat there, thinking, What? Holes in the canopy that 
don’t belong there? Add them up?" 


to get out onto the step under the wing. 
Then he'll say go." He was in a crouch 
that approximated the ready position 
and when he said go, he sprang back- 
ward, arched his back and neck and 
spread his arms like wings. “The count 
is... arch thousand, two thousand, 
three thousand, four thousand, five thou- 
sand, check thousand,” he said. “We 
have you count so that you will have some 
point of reference up there. The first 
jump, especially, has a tendency to be 
very disorienting. But it’s very important 
to know where you are. Your chute 
should open around four thousand. If it 
hasn't opened by six—that is, check 
thousand—you are going to have to look 
over your shoulder, like this, and if there 
is nothing going on back there, you have 
whats called a total malfunction, at 
which point you reach down and pull the 
handle on your reserve chute like this. If 
you don’t initiate emergency procedures 
at that point, you're in a little bit of trou- 
ble, because about six or seven seconds 
later you'll reach your terminal velocity 
of 125 miles per hour, and six or seven 
seconds after that. you'll be going zero 


iles per hour. Any question: 
No questions. 

H right, let's try it,” Frank said, and 
then slipped each of us into a dummy har 
ness and hooked a dummy reserve chute 
to the front. He told us to arch on his 
amand and then count in a big voice. I 
few times. Frank stood behind me 
dy my body as I jumped backward 
to the arch. There wasn't much to it, 
except it litde spooky to reach down 
and then jerk that chrome handle out into 
the air with nothing attached to it. When 
it was Maureen's turn, she did a petite 
lile jump backward and then a half 
arch. She didn't throw her head back and 
she didn't extend her arms all the way. 

[all over backward,” 
ank told her what she 


she said, when 
doing wrong. 
ї down, sw 


m the exercise, 
t sat down with 
nk rifled his notes, then said, 
“When you look up, check to see if the 
canopy is round and symmetrical. Then 
look to sce if the apex is round and well 
formed. Then check the mo: ion to 
see if irs in good shape. Then the lines, 


to make sure they aren't tangled. If you 
sce a hole in the canopy that doesn’t be- 
Jong there, or maybe more than one hole, 
g to have to make a judgment 
self if the hole in your canopy i 
big enough for a man to walk through. 1С 
it is, you're going to have to get rid of 
your main chute and go to your reserve. 
If there are several holes, add them up 
and decide if the total is big enough for a 
man to walk through. The thing is, you're 
going to have to judge it for yoursel 

I sat there, thinking, What? Holes in 
the canopy that don't belong there? Add 
them up? Maureen lit a long, thin ciga- 
reue and almost burned herself on the 
match. I looked at Noonan and he looked 
at me as don me. 

1 was going to ask Frank what size man 
he was talking about. A big man with a 
whip, for nce? A little man with a 
But I didn't. He called 
and we took ir gladly. Noona 

n went into the hangar, to- 
ward the Coke machine. I walked acioss 
the field to the outhouse. The air inside 
was acrid and steamy, and as І stood 
there, it occurred to me that there was a 
hole in the cl 
bout big enough for a man to walk 
through, on his way home, to a cold 
nd a joint, Because it's пог 
the fearful things in this life that are 
hard when you get right down to them. 
Intense moments pretty much take c 
of themselves. 10% the heat and the 
sects that get you, that suck the humoi 
out of your spirit, make you lose sight of 
the goal. 1 wiped my forchead. Som. 
g was walking down it toward my 
fly, maybe a bead of sweat. 
ile, you can't tell the diflerence 
and it doesn't matter, except. you look 
stupid swatting at your own perspirati 
Just before I stepped out of the put 
little box, I found the only piece of gx 
fiti in it. Written on the box that holds 
those flimsy paper rings you can lay on 
the seat, it read, “Skydiving insurance 
forms; surprise your jumpmaster—make 
him the beneficiary." 

Back in the classroom, Noonan took 
nd Maureen and me, fell im- 
sleep and stayed that way for 
ak explained to us 
1 the various partial mal- 
ight have to deal 


couch. behi 


tions а jumper m 
with. He drew stick pictures of them on 
the blackboard one at a time and called 
them by name. А Mae West: The 
shrouds foul and the parachute deploys 
in two sections that resemble a monster 
bra: it won't hold you up. A streamer: 
"he chute deploys but doesn't open, 
doesn’t catch any air, follows you down 
like a соштай. Bag lock: You pull the rip 
cord and nobodys home, nothing hap: 
pens. Blown panel: The chute deploys, 
catches air and а seam goes, leaving а 
hole big enough for a man and his dog te 


walk through. A horseshoe: another tan- 
gled configuration, and very unlucky. 

When he was done with his catalog of 
horrors, he said, “But forget all those 
names, you don't need to know them. I 
don't want you looking up at vour chute, 
trying to remember what these things 
are called. It docsn't make any difference 
whether you call it a Mae West or a 
Brigitte Bardot . . . it's just bar talk... 
forget it." 

Noonan started to snore, choked on it, 
jerked his head up and his red eyes open, 
then closed them again and dropped back 
off into his n; 
questions?" Frank asked. 

“Yes,” I said. “What the hell do we do 
about bag lock and Mae West and that 
other мий?” 

“We'll get to that,” he said. 

1 looked at my watch. It was 6:30 and 
we hadn't even begun to talk about how 
10 maneuver the chute once it was open 
or about how to land. I had sweated 
the last of two milks onto the inside of 
shirt hours earlier and my stomach 
was get mean about it Maureen 
looked as if she'd been held prisoner 
somewhere in the desert for a week, 

“We better get going, if we're going to 
jump today,” Frank said. Then he took 

s outside, put us into harnesses again 
and had us hang one at a time from a 
scaffold so we could practice the quick- 
release technique for partial malfunction, 
It was a series of steps that led up to 
pulling two small rings simultaneously to 
cut the bad parachute loose and make 
п for the reserve to deploy. We took 
I caught Maureen as she dropped 
two feet to the ground on release, 
and then we traded places and she caught 
me. But she wouldn't do it right. She 
kept skipping a step and no matter 
how many times Frank made her do it, 
she never made the correction. There was 


no stubbornness to it. Mostly fatigue, I 
think, along with a stoical thing I could 


scc around her eyes that said: If I have to 
go through a series of perfectly timed 
‘emergency steps to save my life up there, 
I'm going to die and that's all there is to 
it. But she kept doing the excrcisc—hang 

nd drop, hang and drop—over and over, 
il Frank gave up. 

On the next break, we went out to the 
runway, where everyone was waiting for 
^ ner (an- 
petienced jumper) to ma 
dive that was to include relative work. 

By the time the plane got over the 
target area, it was higher and smaller 
than it had been on the other jumps we'd 
watched. We craned our heads all the 
way back, heard the engine fade and saw 
the wings tip. Then two divers left the 
plane within a second of each other. I 
counted five before the two of them 
caught each other's hands. Then they 
pushed away from each other, then came 
together again and this time held the 


air dance a little longer. When they let 
go the second time, both of them went 
out of the arch position into a head. 
down, high-speed diving posture and 
exploded away from each other. A few sec- 
onds later, both of their rectangular 
chutes popped. From then on, they might 
as well have been strapped to hang glid- 
ers. The new chutes are that maneuver- 
able and the two of them turned and 
dipped and soared down onto the target 
and landed, a few feet from dead center, 
as gently as gulls. Neither of them fell. 
'othing to it," Noonan said. 

Not if you napped through the part 
about blown panels,” Maureen said 
without looking at either of us. 

We walked back to the classroom. The 
sun had only about a half hour left 
above the ridge and we still didn't know 
whether or not we were going to jump 
that day. The uncertainty was gnawing 
at me. When I asked Frank, he said we 
still had a lot of material to cover but he 
thought we might make it; he wasn't sure. 

For the next hour, he talked to us 
about how to steer our chutes, how to 
use the wind and how to judge our tra- 
jectory on the target. He talked to us 
about the big white arrow that sat in 


the field not far from the target area. 


He said an experienced jumper would 
be running the arrow and that we should 
face ourselves in the direction it was 
pointed, no matter what we thought. 
Following instructions was more impor- 
tant than anything else we would learn, 
he said. Then he told us how to land 
in a tree ("First, do everything you can 
to miss it. If you're going to hit, cover 
your neck and face with your arms and 
cross your legs.”). And how to land on 
power lines ("Try to hit one wire, not 
two"), and then he took us outside to 
something Коопап described as a make- 
shift gallows and had us jump off it to 
practice landing with our feet and knees 
together. After about ten minutes of 
that, Frank showed us how to hit and then 
roll onto the ground so that only the 
fleshy parts made contact. Then, in the 
pea gravel that surrounded the plat- 
form, we practiced that. I kept thump- 
ing the bone around my hip every time 
I tried it, and then I rolled out of the 
practice area into the star thistles that 
were everywhei 


Frank finally said, “The reason you're 


doing it wrong is you're afraid to let g 
I looked up from where I was in the 


“Му regular encounter group doesn't understand me." 


181 


A camera can explore the world in 
ways your eyes cant, stopping action 
that's just a blur, bringing the distant ир 
close. capturing fine detail you might 
miss. But the camera isn't an end in itself. 
Its only as creative as 
the photographer 
behind it. 

The Canon AE-1 can 
make you a more cre- 
ative photographer be- 
cause it gives you 
almost total creative 
freedom through com- 
plete exposure automa- 
tion. To use it, you just 
focus and shoot. You 
simply forget youre using a camera and 
instead start creating beautiful photo- 
graphs. And with this king of direct op- 
eration comes a versatility that's limited 
only by your imagination. 

With the AE- 


Саптар 
with Optional 
Powar haer A 


A. you have the option of motorized film 
advance so youre ready for every shot. or 
sequence photography of every move 
your subject makes. at up to two frames 
per second. And the Speedlite 155A elim- 
inates flash mistakes 
forever. because it sets 
the AE-1s aperture 
and shutter speed 
Automatically. 

Boththe AE-1 and its 
sister camera, the AT-1 
are capable of handling 
almost any photo- 
graphic challenge, ac- 
Cepting almost forty 
Canon interchangeable 

lenses and dozens ol accessories. 

M youre interested in bringing yourcre- 
ativity to life in pictures, you should be in- 
terested in the Canon AE-1 or AT-1. Both 
arevery affordable. And both will bring you 

orlds of photographic satisfaction. 


briars. The sun was gone and the twi 
light was red. If we did jump. it was 
oing to be in the dark. A tone came 
into my voice that I hate in other people 
"No," I s too slowly and too quict 
ly. “It’s not because Pm afraid, Frank. 
it's because we have been at this for 


almost eight hours and I'm so goddamn 
yummy I c м. TE 
we jump now, it’s going to be а night- 
d that's nor right.” 

guess we have been at it a long 
" he said and looked at Mauree 

lt has been rather long.” she said 
She had her arms folded and she didn't 
look very good. 

Frank took a look at the two of us 
there in the fading light and said, "Lis 
ten, we'll jump tomorrow. We can 
practice landing: in the morning. Let's go 
back into the classroom and ГИ give 
you the test. 

Test? 1 looked at Maureen and Noo- 
nan. Test? 

“Justa quiz," Frank said, and a minute 
later we were back on the ratty couches, 
he was reading questions to us and we 
were answering them. 

“Toggle: 
A hole 
k throu 
"Feet 


"t even fall down ri; 


marc, 


ti 


а man to 


id knees together," said. Mau- 


re 


And so it went for 90 or more 
questions. 


You guys must be tired," Frank said 
like the captain of a ship who has just 
seen his crew climbing up the outsid* of 
the pilothouse with rigging knives in 
their teeth. “Go home, get 3 good n 
sleep and I'll see you in the morning.” 

Outside, Noona 
10 Maureen. “OI 
w 


I doubt ГЇ sleep 
Kk." she told us before she started 
across the field toward her tent. 

On the drive back to the Bay Area, I 
told Billy I thought Maureen was draw 
es of strength that were 


"Especially considering the number 
her boyfriend is into with Sandy," he 
said. 

I asked him what he was talkin 

"Heavy flirtation,” he said. "He was 
damn near drooling on himself every 
time she went by. Not that I blame him 
І got a little spittle on my own shirt 
here. In fact, while you guys were hang 
ing in those harnesses doing that quick 
release exercise, L was over there 
a dirty fantasy about hanging Sandy out 
there naked and. x 


about 


having 


“You're out of control," I told him. 

"Hell, there was nothing else to do out 
there,” he said in his own defense, “ex: 
cept count the goddamn flies and think 
about death." 

“Were Charlie and Sandy really into 
a thing?” 

“On one of the breaks," he said, “I 
saw him walk behind her and give her a 


“So that’s why they call you Little John.” 


PLAYBOY 


184 


little hello on the ass. She didn't exactly 
swat his hand away, either." 

Did Maureen see it: 
I don't know . . . she might have . . . 
she probably did . . . women see every- 
thing. He had the fever on him and 
he wasn't exactly being subtle.” 

“Jesus,” I said. 

“Little relative work.” said Noonan. 

When I got home, both of my kids, Re- 
bea 13, and Peter, 11, were waiting 
for me. Their eyes were big and they 
were excited. Both of them had been 
worried when I lelt in the morning and 
Peter had admitted it. 

“How'd you do?” they asked me. 

“Well,” I told them, “I chickened 
out... Г just couldn't do it. І got out 
there under that wing and looked down 
at the ground and the buildings, like a 
model railroad set up down there, tiny 
buildings, tiny people . . . there were 
ds flying around below me... and I 
st couldn't ler go. They were scream- 
ng at me, slapping at my hands, trying 
to break my grip on the strut, but I 
just hung on like a moray cel and made 
‘em land." 

1 knew said Peter, as if that sce- 
nario had played in his head before, 
with him as the jumper. “I knew it” 

“Did you really?” asked Rebecca. 

“Well.” I said. "No. I had a teacher 
who spent most of the day telling us 
what could go wrong, and then it got 
too late to jump. We're gonna do it 
tomorow morning.” 

‘Are you scared?" Peter asked me. 

"A little," 1 said. “But really, the 
whole system is designed to keep you safe, 
and the more you know about it the bet 
ter you feel. 1 don't want you guys to 
worry no 

“I'm not,” said Rebecca. 

“Lam, a little,” said Peter. And then, 
“What if you do chicken out? 

І might," I told him. “But I don't 
think so." 


1 


. 

Noonan and I didn't talk much on 
the ride back the next morning. It was 
foggy and I was afraid it was going to 
keep us from jumping. I didn't want it 
postponed again. lt takes a certain 
amount of talking yourself into these 
things and I was worried that il we 
didn't jump that morning, 1 was going 
to get the daredevil’s equivalent of blue 
balls. But the sun broke through and 
took the crisp edge off the morning ай 
as we came over the ridge into the 
ley. It was about 8:30 and nothing much 
was stirring around the hangar. Then 
the pilot drifted in, then a few other 
people. There was no 
when I asked, someone told me this was 
supposed to be his day off. His first 
six weeks, someone else said. 

After a while, we saw Maureen come 
out of her tent, squint at the sun and 
t across the field toward us. 
sood morning," I said. 


“I don't know if it's good or not,” she 
said. "I didn’t get much sleep." 
Are you still as afraid as you were 
yesterday?" I asked her. 
"No," she said. "Worse. What about 


joi 
HET ean EO I an figure it 
ought to be as easy as hanging yourself.” 
don’t say that, say anything but 
she said. 
€ you ever going to do a 
month of this?” Noonan asked her. 
“Well.” she said in her soft voice, “we 
а little talk about that last night. 
We're going back imo San Francisco 
weekend and then well sec 
remember your les 


ons?" 1 


ps half,” she said. "But we 


learned yesterday. I never knew 
those things when 1 jumped before and 
Charlie told me this morning that | 
didn't really have to arch, it's not thar 
nt. I hope we're not рш off 


ny of 


nk's 
Im goi 
minute. 

Just then, Karalee, the jumpma 
with the uice smile who'd taken 
up the day before, came over 
she'd jump us. Outside, I told Maureen 
we were ready to suit up. 
want to ask you something," she 
Do you mind which of us leaves 
the plane first? 

"No," I told her. “Either way is fine 
with m 

"Oh, good," she said. "I'd like to go 
first, if you don't mind. 

Both of us rummaged through the 
jump suits and boots until we found a fit. 
"Then we got helmets. Then Karale 
helped us into the main chute harnesses 
and hooked reserves on the front. She 
djusted the straps, made connections, 
cinched us in. She talked and smiled while 
isked us how we felt and went 
ics with us, 
te,” I said. "Where's the 
у seal on the reserve chute? 
, its there," Karalee said. 
I told her. “This 
thing could be full of rags" Maureen was 
smiling. Ka did the flap on the 
reserve chute and popped the seal out. 
"OK?" she asked. 

Fine," І said. 

Then we were standing there hunched 
over and starting to sweat in 40 pounds 
of equipment. Karalee said, "Let's go. 
and we walked to the door of the little 
plane that was warming up. The hangar 
crowd followed us, induding Charlie, who 
was talking to. Maureen, reassuring her, 
telling her to go for it. He'd volunteered 
to run the arrow for our jump. Just be 
fore we climbed into the plane, I heard 
him tell. Maureen, “Remember to arch 
now; it's important.” 


nowhere,” E told her. "But 
to start agitating here in a 


mii 


On signal, we climbed into the р! 
and took our positions: 1 on my knees 
behind the pilot. Karalee by my right 
shoulder, near the door. and Maureen 
next to the pilot, looking out the wind- 
shield. 

Kar You remember the rou. 
tine now—on the step. then look at me. 
then I'll say go. Once you're sure you have 
а good canopy, look for the arrow. Land 
with your feet and knees together. 

We taxied slowly for a minute, turned. 
around and then, within sight ofa general 
thumbs up from the small crowd, indud- 
ing Noonan and his camera, we roared 
off down the runway and took off. We 
circled up in the bright air. Then the pi- 
lot opened the door and Karalee dropped 
a wind streamer and watched ull 
landed. І could see Maurcen's face over 
Karalee's shoulder and I kept watching it 
for signs of terror. My own adrena 
had begun to come up but not viol 
Just а small seep that was putting my 
body on alert. I kept expecting a surge of 
it when my body and my brain got to- 
gether and realized what we were really 
doing, but it didn't come. And whatever 
Maureen was fecling was deep inside her. 
At one point. I reached forward and 
knocked a couple of times on the back of 
She turned around. gave a 
nd then looked back out the 


ne 


lee said, 


Ka d and tapped the 
pilot's shoulder. He cut the engine to idle 
speed and tipped up the right wing. 

“On the step," Ka 
faureen climbed slowly out to her р 
nder the wing. She was loo 
ahead and she had a death grip on the 
st 


lee yelled. 


“Со!” Karalee shouted, and Maureen 
did, a little at а time. She let go with her 
feet first but not her hands, so that she 
was flying like a flag. I winced. Then she 
let loose with one hand till she twisted 
around and lost her grip with the othe 
She fell away like a suicide. There was no 
count, no arch. It looked like disaster. 
Karalee leaned half her body out the 
door to watch and a few seconds later she 
leaned back in and said, "She's ОК... 
your turn. 
1 moved into the ready position as we 
circled and when Karalee saw Maureen 
land, she told me to get onto the step. The 
engine stalled, the plane tipped and 1 
climbed out. I thought that was going to 
be the moment of big fright; but when the 
air hit me, and when J looked down 
feet and saw the hangar, the motel, th 
pool and then the target, I felt, for the 
fist time, cool and light and r 
looked back into the plane. 
smiled at me. Then she put her thumb up 
and mouthed the word go. I let loose with 
my hands, jumped backward and arched 
so hard the helmet dug into the 
my neck. I screamed, “Arch th 
nd then the feeling took me: a rush so 


EI 


7 


YT 


E 
aasi 
m 


уну ина абан йө 


aiii pn n 


{ 
з H 
fi I 
E E 


| 


e 


2 


4 


* 226.2 4 ^ 
It's brought to you by none other than America's 
most buttoned-up shirt company. Arrow. 
As usual, Arrow has taken a basic concept and 
made it better. We started with a natural blend of 
cotton and polyester, then added exact sleeve and 


^ 


21 
Presario merica's 
most button d ‘button-down. 


^ 


f 
Р, 
neck sizes, semi-tapering, and a seven-button front. 
The result is one of the most fashionable, most 
comfortable shirts ever designed. 


If you're looking to look very buttoned-up. get 
the Arrow burton-down. 


ig OW 


from Cluett 


5, 


e cU 


PLAYBOY 


186 


FISHER 
INTRODUCES THE WORLD'S 
FINEST STEREO SYSTEM. 


The Fisher ACSI590 Audio Com- 
ponent System is engineered for those 
few who are satisfied with only the 
very best — like the fine sound sys- 
tems used in most discos. 

Ever since Fisher invented high fi- 
delity in 1937, we've been designing 
and manufacturing superb-perform- 
ing audio components and systems. 
for demonding music lovers. 


For some time. our engineers have 


boggling disco sound. Ihe extremely 
high power 15" woofer. two 5" mid- 
range drivers. and horn tweeter pro- 
duce smoothness and clarity of sound 
that listeners consistently rank with the 
3 or 4 best speakers ever made. The 
574515 are painstakingly manufac- 
tured and beautifully finished in genu- 
ine walnut at Fisher's Milroy, Pennsyl- 
vania plant — one of the world's larg- 
est speaker manufacturing facilities 


been concerned обоа possible loss 
of performance in stereo music sys- 
tems combining different manufac- 
turers’ equipment. So. for truly great 
sound we've engineered a complete 
line of all Fisher performance-engi- 
neered music systems. 


rumble of any available turn- 
table. Yet. its exclusive 120 pole 
linear motor is simpler and more 
reliable than conventional drive 
systems. A high quality Pickering 
magnetic cartridge is included. 


CR5120 
Finally. the ACSI590 includes one of 
Fisher's finest cassette decks. the 
CR5120. with dual-motor. dual- 
capstan drive for virtually perfect 
tape motion. Consistent professional 
quality recordings are assured by its 
three heads and dual process Dolby 
system. with off-the-tape monitoring. 
while recording. 
Each component in ће ACSI590, 
taken by itself. represents a major im- 
provement in high fidelity. Together, 
they form a performance-matched 
sound system of such awesome 
power and musicality that it must 
be heard to be fully appreciated 
So. if you insist on the finest sound 


At the heart of the Fisher АС51590 
stereo music system is our 251080 574615, perfectly matched to the re- 
AM/FM stereo receiver. A master- ceiver for flawless reproduction at 
piece of the Fisher engineering ar. We апу level from mood music to mind- 


The speakers are Fisher's all-new 


feel it’s the world's finest. and its 
astounding power. performance and 
unique features back up this claim 
With 170 watts RMS/chonnel at no 
more than 0.08% distortion (8 ohms. 
20-20.000Hz). it recreates the full dy- 
namic realism of the concert hall with- 
out strain or audible distortion. Here is 
the distinct, superb Fisher sound that 
has made us the leading name inhigh 
fidelity for 41 years. 

Providing the ultimate in disc re- 
production is Fisher's MT6225C linear 
motor direct drive turntable — a 
major technological advance with 
about the lowest wow, flutter, and 


1978 Fisher Corp., Chatsworth, СА. 9131 1Doiby is a trade nome of Dolby Labs, Inc 


reproduction and would like a disco 
sound system in your place. hear the 
Fisher ACSIS90 at selected audio 
dealers or the audio department of 
your favorite department store (other 
Fisher systems available from $400*) 
For the name of your nearest dealer. 
сай toll-free: 1-800-528-6050. ext. 871 
from anywhere in the U.S. (in Arizona. 
call toll-free: 1-955-9710. ext. 871). 
“Manufacturers suggested retail value. Actua! 


selling price is determined solely by the indi- 
vidual Fisher dealer. 


The first name in high fidelity. 


complete that I shut my eyes and probably 
moaned, "There was no sensation of fall- 
ing. The air under me felt as thick as 
water and the arch position kept me steady 
t, though I had no idea which way was 
up, down or sideways. The whole effect 
g like sliding backward at 
high speed down a watercourse. There 
was never any question of fighting it or 
being afraid of it. It was like being sucked 
into a black hole and if it hadmeant death, 
it would have been a good one. I lost the 
count at arch thousand. so 1 don't know 
how long it took the static line 10 do its 
When the chute did open, there 


was somet 


work 
wasn't the wrenching I had expected: in 
fa 
myself hanging. I opened my eyes, looked. 
iutiful mushroom shape 


1, it was almost gentle. When I felt 


up and saw a b 
letting the sunlight through the apex and 
That was the 


glowing around the edges 
second rush; it felt like being caught in 
your mothers arms. I looked down for 
the arrow and when I spotted it, 1 pulled 
ghi toggle until I swung 


down on my 
180 degrees. And then, in the cool air and 
the quiet, I floated ghed out loud 
and my imaginati t crazy. First 
1 was the Lord, then a bird, then a map 
maker whose map had turned to oaks 


and hills below him and was owing 
larger and closer as he grew smaller and 
smaller and 1 probably would hive 


landed in that fantasy except that 1 heard 
someone yelling at me through a bull 
horn. It was Charlie. He was telling me to 
pull on my left toggle. From where I was, 
it didn't make any sense to turn that way 
into the wind, but I did it anyway. Then 
I saw the barbed-wire fence 
few hundred feet left and everything was 


Thad only a 


coming, up faster and faster. 1 seemed to 


һе trying for the fence and it scared me 


Then I saw Maureen st 


the fence with 100 tect to 
spare and then I heard Charlie yelling at 
ther. 1 


me to рш my feet and knees t 
saw Noonan running toward me with his 
camera. Then E hit and rolled with my 
forward speed. There was no more bump 
than for a Frisbee at the 
beach, 1 jumped up and ran downwind 
of my chute, which was collapsing on it 


to it divir 


self in the plowed dirt. Noonan whooped 
а picture. I whooped back at 
him. Then he said, “Jesus. It looked fan- 
tastic. Are you all right?” 

"Incredible," I said. 

“Well, then lie down, damn it, like you 


and took 


just landed. You missed the target by so 
damn much I couldn't get over here 
t enough to get you lying down.” 

Charlie reached Maureen not long after 
ded and when I looked over at 
they were hugging cach other pret 
When they finished, Maureen 
looked over at me and waved. She had a 


I 


them. 


ly good 


smile on her face so big that she was going, 
ш ache from it. Charlie helped her pick 


up the chute and then all of us w 
back to the hangar together. Maureen 
I said something to each other, but I don't 
remember what. All I cam remember is 
that smile she couldn't get off her face. 

Inside the hangar, there were congratu 
lations all around and then some ques. 
tions from several people who were 
signing up for the course. Frank rolled 
in, rubbing his eves, and when we told 
him we'd jumped. he got a proud smile 
and congratulated us. Then Sandy con- 
gratulated us and said, “You see?” 

I sat on the floor to take off my boots 
and a er Maureen 
next to me. 


sat down 


minute 


I asked her 
she said. “Later 


"Going to do it a 

"Well... I might, 
this afternoon . 

“їйїп you showed a lot of courage up 
there,” I told her 

"You're joking.” she said in that accent. 

I told her I wasn't and then I said, 
"ГЇЇ send you а copy of the story. As (ar 
as I can tell, you're the hero of it.” 

She blushed. 

“Now do you know why you did it?” 
I asked. 

She shrugged her thin shoulders. “For 
something to do, I g 


. maybe." 


Kahlúa, two oi 
onthe rocks 
torti 


PLAYBOY 


188 


NINE AND A HALF WEEKS 


(continued from page 146) 


“A wave of excitement robs me of the ability to move; 
every cell in my body is awash with lust.” 


strikes me across the inner thigh. The 
scaring pain is an inextricable part of a 
wave of excitement that robs me of breath 
and speech and the ability to move: every 
cell in my body is awash with lust. It is si 
lent in the small, dusty room. The clerks 
behind the counter have frozen. He slowly 
smooths down my skirt and turns to the 
older man, who is wearing a suit and still 
looks like an accountant, though a deep 
Aush is spreading upward from his shirt 
collar. “This onc will do.” 
. 
WHAT HE DID 


+ He fed me. He bought all food, 
cooked all meals, washed all dishes. 

+ He dressed me in the morning, un- 
dressed me at night and took my laundry 
to the cleaner's along with his. One eve- 
ning, while taking off my shoes, he decid- 
ed they needed resoling and took them 
10 the shoemaker the next d 

* He read to me endlessly: newspapers, 
magazines, murder mysteries, Katherine 
Mansfield short stories and my own files 
when I brought them home to catch. up 
on work. 


dumsy at it only the first two u 
day, he bought an outrageously expensive 
Kent of London hairbrush and beat 
me with it that evening. Its bruises per- 


sisted beyond all others. But every night, 
he used it to brush my hair. Neither be- 


fore nor since has my hair been brushed 
so thoroughly, for such long periods at a 
time, so lovingly. It shone, 

* He bought tampons for me and in- 
serted and extracted them. When 1 was. 
dumfounded the first time, he said, “I 
cat you while you're menstruating and we 
both like that. There's no difference." 

+ He ran my bath every night, experi- 
menting with different gels, crystals and 
taking an adolescent girl's delight in 
ying great varicties of bath products 
for me, while sticking steadfastly 10 a 
ne of showers, Ivory soap and Prell 
Concentrate for himself. 1 never stopped 
to contemplate what his cleaning woman 
thought of the whip lying on the kitchen 
counter, of the handcuffs dangling from 
the diningroom doorknob, of the snakes 
heap of narrow, silvery chains coiled in 
the corner of the bedroom. I did idly 
wonder what she thought of this sudden 
proliferation of jars and bottles, nine 
barely uscd shampoos crowding the me 
cine chest, 11 different bath salts lined up 
on the edge of the tub. 

* Every night, he took my makeup off. 


row 


IF I live to be 100. 1 won't forget how it 
felt to sit in an armchair, my eyes closed, 
my head thrown back, while the gentle 
pressure of a cotton. ball soaked in lotion 
moved across my forehead, over my cheeks, 
lingered at length on my cyelids. 


WHAT I DID 

+ Nothing. 

б 

І ат standing ncarly оп tiptoes across 
the room from him, my arms raised 
above my head. My hands are tied to the 
hook on the wall on which his one large 
painting hangs during the day. My end of 
the room is dark, only the reading lamp 
over his shoulder is lit. He has told me 
10 be quiet. The TV is on, but he is m: 
ing notes on a legal pad, absorbed in his 
work, and doesn't look up for what seem 
to me long periods of time. My arms begin 
to ache and then my entire body and 
finally I say, “Listen, I can't stand it, 
really. . 

He gives me a quizzical look and gocs 
into the bedroom, comes back with two 
handkerchicls and says in a polite, con- 
versational tone of voice, “I want you to 
shut the fuck up." He stuffs most of one 
handkerchief into my mouth and ties 
the second one tightly across it. J taste the 
bland flavor of sizing. 

60 Minules begins. 1 try to listen, 
stare at the back of the set, attempting to 
is ize each commercial in order to 
distract myself from the waves of pain 
rolling over me. I tell myself that surely 
my body must soon go numb, but my 
body does nothing of the sort, it just 
hurts. Then it hurts even more and, by 
the time 60 Minutes is over, muffled 
sounds come through the handkerchief, 
which is lodged way back in my throat 
and holds my tongue down flat. He gets 
up and walks over toward me and turns 
on the floor lamp next to his desk, ad- 
justing the shade so the light shines into 
my eyes. For the first time since I've 
known him, I begin to сту. He looks at 
me inquisitively, leaves the room and 
comes back holding the boule of bath 
oil he has bought me on the way home 
from work, He begins to rub oil into 
my neck and armpits. Everything in my 
brain is blocked out by the convulsive 
spasms in my muscles. He massages my 
breasts and I'm fighting for air through 
my nose, which is flooded with tears. Now 
there is oil on my stomach, a slow, i 
ent, rhythmic, circular motion. I'm sud- 
denly in terror, convinced I'm choking, 
I am really going to choke, in another 
minute I'll be dead when he spreads my 


legs, which stretches me even more. 1 
scream. It is a muted sound, like a child's 
pretend foghorn. totally ineffectual from 
behind all that cloth. For the first time 
tonight, he looks interested. fascinated, 
even. His cyes are three inches from 
mine*and something is moving very li 
ly up and down alongside my clitoris. His 
fingers arc slippery with oil, drenched in 
oil, and 
gear to the sounds—not so diss 
т it makes when Ym about to come, 
and then I come. 

He untics me, fucks me standing up, 
puts me to bed, bathes my 
a washdoth dipped in cold water from a 
white Tupperware bowl. He rubs my 
wrists for a long time. Just before I fall 
asleep, he says, “You'll have to w 
long sleeves tomorrow, sweethes 
nuisance—it's going to be a hot day.” 

б 

Our evenings rarely varicd. Не ran my 
bath, undressed me, handcuffed my wrists. 
When I was ready to get out of the bath, 
he pulled me up, slowly soaped my body, 
rinsed and dried me off. Unclasped the 
handcuffs, put one of his shirts on me— 
white or k or pale-blue broadcloth, 
shirts made to be worn with a suit, the 
sleeves covering my finger tips, a fresh 
shirt every night, crisp from the Chinese 
Jaundry—put the handcuffs back on. 1 
watched him prepare dinner. He always 
drank wine while washing the salad greens 
and would give me a sip from his glass 
whenever he took one himself. He talked 
about what had happened at his office, I 
told him about what had happened at 
mine. 

When dinner was ready, he put one 
very large serving onto one plate. We 
went to the dining room. I sat at his fect, 
tied to the table leg. He took a mouthful 
of fettuccini, then fed one to me; stabbed 
at a forkful of Boston lettuce, guided the 
next one to my mouth, wiped the salad 
1 off my lips and his in turn. A sip of 
wine, then the lowered glass for me 10 
drink from. Sometimes he tilted it too 
sharply, so that the wine spilled over my 
lips and ran down the sides of my face 
onto my neck and chest. He would kneel 
before me and suck the wine off my 
nipples. 

Olten, during dinner, he pushed my 
head between his thighs. We developed a 
game: He tried to see how long he could 
continue to eat calmly; 1, how soon I 
could make him drop his fork and moan, 
When I once told him that I was becom- 
ing particularly fond of the taste of him 
followed by vegetable curry, he laughed 
and laughed and said, “Jesus, I'm going 
to make enough tomorrow to last us all 
week." 

When we were finished, he would go 
to the kitchen to wash the dishes and 
make coffee. Then we read or watched 


i mid-scream my body shifts 


Sun. Wind: Action. MGB. 


Britain's greatélassic sports car has it 
all, and so-can you: the sun'on. your 
face, the'wind in your hair and all the 
vibrant action that'only comes from 
driving an authentic race-bred, wide- 
open sports machine. 

The MGB's handling and perfor- 
mance have What it takes to hold the 
SCCA Class E Championship for this 
year, as it has for six of the last seven: 
years. This remarkable agility and 
stamina come from a suspension 
system born of competition, a short- 
throw fourspeed stick, quick, pre- 
cise rack and pinion steering, a stout 


MGB. THE CLASSIC WIDE-OPEN SPORTS CAR 


M "treo: (800) 447-4700, of. 


[Jersey 07608... 


hearted, 1798cc four-cylinder engine, 
and decisive front disc brakes. 

Апа ай! that action comes beauti- 
fully wrapped in one clean, honest 
sweep of steel- and entertainment. 
The MGB is much more than a living, 
classic, wide-open sports car: it's a 


-Whole lot of fun to drive. So drive one, 


Soon. For the name‘of the dealer 
nearest you, call these numbers toll- 


intlinols, (800) 322-4400. 
British Leyland Motors 
nc... Leonia, Ney 


PLAYBOY 


Sip into something - 
Comfortab 


So delicious it makes mixed drinks taste much better. 
Just pour Comfort* over ice. Sip it. Nothing like it! 
It's delicious. Tastes good with nothing added. 


better, too. Try it in your favorite; you'll be 
convinced. Sip into something Comfort®able. 


You just know it's got to be good... when it's made with— \ 


Southern Comfort 


© 1872 soutenn COMFORT CORP Send for a Free Recipe Guide: SOUTHERN COMFORT CORP. 86 & 100 PROOF LIQUEUR. ST. LOUIS, MO. 63132 


ТУ, or worked. Above all, we talked, lit- 
erally for hours. 1 had never talked. this 
mudi with anyone. Hc learned my life 
history, in minute detail, I became equal- 
ly familiar with his, 1 would have recog- 
nized his college friends on sight, known 
from his boss's position in his chair what 
mood he was in. I adored his jokes and 
his very manner of telling them, in а slow, 
Dored voice, a fiercely deadpan expres- 
vorites were stories about my 
ndfather; my favorites were his tales 
about his three years in India 

We never went out. Throughout most 
evenings, 1 was tied to the couch or the 
coffee table, within touching distance of 
him. If a friend, a peer, had told me 
she had herself tied to a table leg at 
home after a full day's work at the office 
well, it has never come up. God knows, 
L would not have believed it. 

. 


At 4:30 on a Friday afternoon, he calls 
me at work: “You'll be three. 
twelve at the Algonqui thirty.” 


In the cab, I listen to my thigh mus- 
cles ache as 1 repeat to myself, “You'll 
be... at fivethirty," and walk through 
the Algonquin’s doors minutes later, T 
knock at 312, twice, but there is по an- 
swer and the door is unlocked. I have 
assumed he would be waiting for mc, 
but there is no one there. 

The bed is piled high with packa 
Not gift-wrapped but what onc spills onto 
a bed after а day of shopping just before 
Christmas. The room key is in the ash. 
tray on the bedside table, his handwriting 
on a note stuck above the dial numbers 
on the phone. "Open them," it reads, 
nd take а bath and get dressed. 
1 start with one of the smaller shopping 
g5 from Brooks Brothers, It contains a 
lightblue shirt, like the ones I have been 
wearing at night, but smaller. Мету socks 
in an bag. A container that 
looks like a child's hatbox holds а sandy 
bead and mustache wrapped че 
paper. My hands shake а little by the 
time T unwrap the Ligest package 
kgray suit and vest. Shoes next, A 
1 man’s wig. A small packet 
of hairpins from Woolworth's. A white 
handkerchiet 

I push the wrappings aside and sit 
down on the edge of the bed, holding the 
1 both hands. It's an expensive wig, 
the hair human 


wig 
nd soft to the touch. 
Alarm and excitement race inside me, side 
by side, like specding cars on a dark high- 
way. Every few moments, they narrow the 
space between them and touch without 
noise or sparks, gently. Once I'm in the 
bath water, alarm chooses а turnoff. Ex- 
citement hurdes me onward, dark miles 
stretching ahead, headlights illuminating 
only a few yards of gray road as I turn the 
virgin piece of soap over and over be- 
tween my palms 

I dry myself in the sequence in which 
he dries me every evening: face and neck, 


For her han 
512.99 + $1.! 


State Sales Тах) We're 


d crocheted string bikini, send 
50 handling. (Fl. residents add 4% 
happy to mix sizes— 


indicate separately and add $: 


D Master Charge D Visa (BankAmericard) 
O Check/Money Order 


Acct No. Expiration Dale 


E 


PLA 


OR CALL TOLL FREE (orders only); 1-800-325-6400 


Siz 


68 small O 8-10 medium O 10-12 large. 


Colors: O virgin white О basicblack D sizzling 


o 


range О sun yellow D natural beige 


D sea green D chocolate O ocean blue 


» 


Discover Air 
The Beautiful Way To Sleep 


Second color choice: 


_She'llincite all the passion of the 
sunin this sexy hand crocheted 
string bikini! Exciting 1978 colors 
fromwhich to choose. Elasticized 


100% pre-shrunk cotton 

for perfect fit. 
= No nonsense guarantee—Refund if not totally 
— satisfied, return within 10 days. *12** 


The More's Most Comtonabie Mames Басіоту G 4 9?5 * Sleeping = A Water Raft 


With Independent Ае Сой Support Prices from 


The AIR COIL BEDhas become synonorrous with the most revolu- 
tionary and luxurious way to spend a third of your Ме You are 
ently bul firmly supported by 100% air instead of metal springs 
and stuffing Many chiropractors agree the structured Air Coil Bed 
has unprecedented orthopedic value asa permanent mattress 
Lightweight. Sensual. Adjusts to your comfort. The Ar Bed is an 
experience in rest or play unmatched by any other support struc 
lure |t takes the seasickness. mobility. and weight oul ol 
Valerbeds Yet, t wes you the same “pve and take" sensation 
Two people can sleep on atull. queen or hing size bed virtually un. 
disturbed by the other's movements. This 15 because the eir coil 
construction - with multiple controlled air chambers - supports 
your body evenly and independently. 
Store it on а shelf. take it camping. use it in your van. boat. sum. 
mer home. on a floor or in a frame. Sunbathe and Поз! on it. All 
ВС high standard sizes Twin-39 1747. Double 54x74". Queen: 
07x80". King 74 x80". inflates in minutes with any air pump or. 
Cannister vacuum (Adapter included). Durable 20 gauge poly vinyl 
leans with soap and water. Repair kit included. I year manulac: 
turer's warranty. High Powered Air Pumps. AC pump operates 
from standard electrical outlet DC pump operates Irom auto 
cigarette lighter. 529.95 each. Donot be confused by inferior 
- imitations. This isthe original. 
permanent. red velveteen airbed. 
once priced as highas $119.95. m 
Becausect recent directtrom. 5 
manulacturer atrangements, we = 
havebeen able toeliminateal = 
middleman costs and pass 
significant savings directly to you. 


* Camping «A Van Bed 
= Boating +А Play Pad 
SS eee 
Please send me the tolling Аи Bets) 
M nor saad cam return m 10 Says т а elund. 
"Te 9 95item 2359) 
І > Fall 369 S5ütem 2354) 
Queen 579 95item 2350 
Ring 195 oem 2374) 
l 1h $495 per bed lor shipping and handing. 
ines Resdets add 9s e toe 
мє Purps-329 95." ixCttem ООА) Dom 0005) 
‘Check or MO. Enclosed 


Credit Card No. == 
Master Charge No. Exp Oste 
Name 

a 
City 
State 
Signature 2202252 
ғамв091 


| contemporary co 393 92 


sooi 312-595-0461 


сонин 


191 


A SAEE WAY 
TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH 
LIQUOR YOU CAN HOLD. 


E m 


М 


Пап" drive when you've had too (не rm poi ay xi 


E obodv knows w д CHART FOR RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE WHO MAY 
almost nobody knows what too much SOMETIMES DRIVE AFTERDRINKING! [| 
APPROXIMATE BLOOD ALCOHOL PERCENTAGE 


> айу under the influ- 
ence a ШО Ww n oan WP. 10% alcohol in your bloodstream. 
Which means absolutely nothing to most pe 
What does mean something is vour our physical 
condition, the number of drinks you've had aaa how long it took yo 
tohave them. 
The combination of these factors can give you a more under- 
standable way of knowing your drinki 
That's why we, the makers and ellers of distilled spirits, offer 
this chart. Use it to help find out whether you're approaching, 
Subtract 01% for each 40 minutes of drinking. 
up to, or past your limit. Опе Drink is 1 oz. of 100 proof liquor or 12 оз. of beer. 


a r i з то; THIS CHART IS ONLY A GUIDE NOT A GUARANTEE. 
It's a lot safer than finding out on the road. АКС ЕШ PRO 


160 180 200 220 240 inluenced y 
Rarely І 


KNOW YOUR LIMITS 


For addi йе e Council cf U.S. (DISCUS), 1: 


feet and calves, back and buttocks. The 
only thing missing from the costume now 
spread out on the bed is underwear. The 
trousers’ lining is smooth against my skin. 
The socks fit, the shirt fits. My breasts are 
small enough so that the layers of shirt 
and vest and finally suit coat obscure them 
completely. 1 put on the shoes—an old. 
like his, the 


fashioned wing-tip 
gleaming leather g pungent: why 
don't women's shoes ever smell this deli 
cious?—the left one feels tight at first. 
here is a small pot of theatrical 
а brush attached to the inside of the 
I'm in a quandary, can’t decide whether 
the glue goes onto the backing of the mus- 
tache and the beard ог onto my skin. I 
end up spreading it thinly onto the back- 
ing. something like canvas, and position 
the mustache under my nose. It tickles 
and looks like it’s straight out of a junior 
high play and makes me laugh ош loud. 
1 need to make three adjustments to get 
it to sit evenly above my upper lip. The 
beard is harder. / ad while 
the glue is setting and turning sticky, 1 
ake it ofl and start over, until it ends up 

y car lobes on 
my chin. 
The wig, by comparison, is casy: 1 brush 
my own hair into a scrawny ponytail high 
up on my head, twist it, pin loose strands 
close to my scalp all round. Once the wig 
is pulled over my hair onto my head. it 
fits tightly. The wig's hair at the back of 
my neck touches my shirt collar, almost 
covers my ears at the sides, falls across 
my forehead in a thick wave. 

In the process of replacing the tissue 
paper in which the mustache has been 
wrapped, I find, in the same round box, 
a set of eyebrows. I glue 
own. 1 have been seruti 
the mirror above the d 
along but fixed on details. Now the mech- 
ism comes into play t lows one to 
switch from focusing on a pancl of glass, 
every dust partide and thumbprint im- 
portant and distinct, to seeing the outside 
beyond, the windowpane gone. There is 
€ in the mirror, no longer an isolated 
1 or the tilt of а wig. 1 see that he 
looks ill at ease in a manner familiar 
to me, but I recognize nothing else. 
Acknowledging the spark of a prelimi- 
nary understanding between us, he leans 
toward me; he, what he sees. 
It lasts for only a тоте 

I push back the h 
hea 
is 
ne 


ap. 


essing table all 


ir over my fore- 
open the pack of Camels that 
on the bedside table. 
smoked a Camel and begin to 
cough immediately, my throat raw. But 
І inhale more deeply the second time and 
perversely, the rough flavor clears my 
head. I wonder, briefly, where to put the 
handkerchief. Y can't remember where 
he keeps his and finally put it into a 
back trouser pocket. I have never worn а 
garment with back pockets before and 


Tve 


MEDICAL 
BREAKTHROUGH 


IN HAIR REPLACEMENT |“ 


Now, with our special cosmetic | — 
medical implant technique, you 
can have a full head of hair in just 
a few hours. It's performed by 
qualified medical doctors. It is 
not a hair transplant, hair-weave 
or toupee. It is a method by which 
hair is surgically attached to your 
scalp. You'll look younger and 
even feel younger! You can swim, 
Participate in sports, and even 
make love without fear of embar- 
rassment. 


99 


BEFORE AFTER 


For lurtter intornation concerning this process. contact: 
HAIR DIMENSIONS ™ by 
YOUR HAIR. INC. 


245 East 63rd St., N.Y. 10021 
(212) 751-1740 


‘The closest thing to your own hair- 


BE MORE THAN MASCULINE — BE 
SENSUOUS. Thin, sensitive con- 
doms are available, privately by 
mail at attractive prices. Our 
large selection includes all na- 
elo уамаи Scie (ereinek a> 
ojan, Stimula, plus exciting 
new condoms: TEXTURE PLUS" 
featuring hundreds of pleasure 
dots and textured rings to mas- 
sage and caress the woman 
BOLD 45" —world's first colored 
condom with texturing. HOT LINE; 
new preshaped for maximum 
sensitivity. 
The sooner your order is re- 
ceived, the sooner you can be 
sampling our large selection in 
the privacy of your home. All 
orders are shipped in a plain un- 
marked package. We sincerely 
believe our samplers to be of the 
highest quality available any- 
where. If you are not completely 
satisfied, retum unused portion 
for entire refund. cust rm 


bns 
ы Se Pe xy 
r7 
1 
з 


Satin sleep teddy 
designed by Ora Feder. 
Visit our boutique in Stanford Shopping 
Center, Palo Alto, or send $2.00 for 
luxurious color catalogue of designer 
lingerie. Victoria's Secret, Dept. F5- 

РО. Box 31442, San Frai 


co, CA 94131 


Population Planning, D: 
403 Jones Ferry Road, 
Carrboro, N.C. 27510 

lease rush the following in a plain 
Package: 


Sampler of 22 assorted condoms 
$5.00 


сопаот,.................5800 
| GSuper 400 Sampler of 400 condoms 
1 PE eden. S70 DU. 
Gillustoled catalogue alone. . ..525 


State. 


p 
AMERICA’S LARGEST RETAILER OF 

4 ‘CONTRACEPTIVE PRODUCTS 

1 OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS 


193 


PLAYBOY 


194 


slide my hand in and out of it, feeling the 
slippery lining and the curve of buttock 
beneath. 

I finish dressing. The phone rings. “I'm 
in the lobby," he says. “Come on down. 
Don't forget the room key." 

A balding, short man waits with me аг 
the elevator for a moment, then mumbles 
under his breath and walks rapidly down 
the corridor. I look after him and realize 
that he is no shorter than I am. Wea 
ing sandals with three-inch heels, I am 
tall for a woman; now I'm a man of be- 
low-average height. 

A middleaged woman stands at the 
back of the elevator. I step in and stand 
near the door. When we come to the 
ground floor and I am about to walk 
out into the lobby, I remember, I step 
ide and she passes through the door 


without looking at me. I am blushing 
nd have to force myself not to sn 


What an asic 


ig ritual, T think, 


simultaneously, gleefully: I passed! 

He is sitting on a sofa, motions me to 
the chair facing him across a low round 
table with a brass bell, his glass of Scotch, 
an empty ashtray. He is wearing his gray 
suit, identical to mine. He looks at me 
for a long time, taking in the shoes, 
the fit of the vest, the knot of the tie, the 
beard and hair. He grins, then laughs 
out loud, takes a sip of his drink, seems 
utterly delighted. “You look fine. You 
look great, in fact.” He leans forward 
and takes both of my hands betwecn his, 
as if to warm them for a child who has 
come inside after building a snowm: 
"Don't be nervous" he sa [here is 
nothing to be nervous about.” 

A waiter appears, hov 
one side of us. He orders wine for me, 
more Scotch for himself. I sit stiffly. erect, 
my eyes оп my arms stretched woodenly 
toward him. I am overcome by that mi 
ture of contradictory feelings I should 


ng two steps to 


“I don't think of you as an old man. 1 think of you 
asa very, very rich old man." 


long be used to, since one variation or 
another has assaulted me almost daily 
since we've known each other. 1 am deep- 
ly embarrassed, I am flushed, I am sh 
ing—and I am exhilarated, drunk before 
my wine arrives, ablaze with mindless 
gusto. 

"The waiter has no reaction at all when 
he brings our drinks. “It’s all inside you, 
you know," he says. "Nobody else ever 
cares, But it does make it a lot of fun 
for me that you do.” We move on to a 
g room then, where he holds my 
hand between courses. I have difficulty 
chewing, even more «o swallowing: I 
drink close to twice the amount of wine 
I'm used to. He has another drink at the 
bar, his hand loosely on my thigh. 

Upstairs in the room, he propels me 
toward the mirror. His arm around my 
shoulders, we look at our reflections: two 
men, one tall and clean-shaven, the short- 
er one sandy-bearded; dark suits, a pink 
shirt and a pale-blue one. "Take your 
belt off,” he says, in а low voice, and 1 
do, unable tc take my cyes from his in 
the mirror. Not knowing what to do next, 
I coil it into the tight serpent it had 
been in its box. He takes it from me, 
says, "Get on the bed," and, when I do: 
No— nds and knees." He reaches from 
behind me to open my trousers, then says, 
“Pull your pants down over your ass.” 
Something gives way in me and my elbows 
can't hold my weight. On my knees, my 
head on my arms, sounds from my throat 
that I can't interpret: neither fear nor 
longing but the inabili inguish 
between the two, adding up to. . .. He 
beats me, a pillow over my head to mullle 
my cries, then takes me as he could a 
man. І ay out louder than before, my 
eyes wide open to the dark of the pillow 
covering my face. Deep inside me, 
pounding stops abruptly. He forces me 
down flat, his right hand under me and 
between my legs. Lying on top of me, 
stretched full length, he lifts the pillow, 
listens to my sobs subside. Whe 
that we are breathing in 


v to di: 


s 


I realize 


unison, calmed, 
imal move- 


his fingers begin their infinitesi 
Soon I am breathing rapidly aj He 
pushes the pillow back over my face whi 
I come and soon he comes, too. He puts 
wadded Kleenex off the bedside table be- 
tween my buttocks. It is soaked with se- 
men and tinged pink when he removes 
it, later on. Curled against me, he mur- 
murs, "So tight and hot, you can't 
imagine. . . .” 


. 

He shows me the loveliest knife I have 
ever seen. I am sitting on his lap when 
he pulls it out of the inside pocket of his 
suit jacket. [ts handle is silver, inlaid 


with mother-of-pearl. He shows me how 
to make the blade snap out of its sheath 


Vitamin loss. Classic in flu. 


When your body reacts to the stress of flu. it 
increases the rate at which it uses up many kinds 
of nutrients. including vitamins. From a balanced 
Gaily diet. your body can store up most nutrients for 
such emergency use. However. there are certain 
vitamins the body can t stockpile. no matter how 
much you take in. Here's why. 


Water-soluble vs. fat-soluble vitamins. Your body 
absorbs two kinds of vitamins from the food you 
eat, fat-soluble and water-soluble. The fat-soluble 
vitamins are accumulated in substantial reserves in 
body tissues. Butthis is not trueof the water-soluble 
vitamins. B complex and C. and daily replacement 
through proper diet is considered necessary even. 
when you re well. When your vitamin needs are 
increased by the stress of infection. immediate 
supplementation of the water-soluble vitamins. 

B complex and C may be indicated. 

Why many doctors recommend STRESSTABS 
600 High Potency Stress Formula Vitamins. When 
the dietis inadequate, STRESSTABS 600 can help 
you avoid a vitamin deficiency by replacing the. 


В апа C vitamins lost during stress conditions 
such as flu. STRESSTABS 600 can satisfy 
above-normal needs for these vitamins by providing 
above-normal amounts: 600 mg. of vitamin C plus 

a high potency formula of the B complex vitamins. 
STRESSTABS 600 also contains vitamin E. Also 
available: New STRESSTABS 600 with Iron. 

Talk to the experts about STRESSTABS 600. Ask 
your doctor or pharmacist about this different 
brand of vitamin. Available at your drug store. in 
bottles of 30 or 60 tablets 

STRESSTABS 600 won't cure the flu, but it can help 
you maintain the good nutritional balance you 

need to fight back. 


STRESSTABS 600 and STRESSTABS 600 with Iron 
are products of Lederle Laboratories. 


Stresstabs 600 


High Potency Stress Formula Vitamins озен 


PLAYBOY 


196 


The All New 


AWay Sensualator 


ENTICER-IV 


MADE IN SWITZERLAND! 


When the Swiss make something, they make it 


right! And this precisi 


| ator 


-made 4-Way Sensual- 
no exception. Compact in size, designed 


to nest firmly and gently in one hand, this unique 
new sensory delight comes with four special at- 
tachments to suit every mood and taste: 


SPECIAL SPEED 
AND SOUND CONTROL 
Leave it to the Swiss to design a new unit so 
discreet that it is virtually silent compared 
with other vibrators, so the only sound you 
(or anyone else) will ever hear will be a 
soothing hum. ONLY $19.95 


Valentine Products, Dept, 6932 
Р.О. Box 5200, Е. Р.Р. Station 
New York, N.Y. 10022 
Gentlem 
order for $19.95 plus. 


* A Sensuously soft 
"Pressure Button” 
* A Many-fingered 


e A "Spot Massager” 
* An attachment for 
locused massage. 


Enclosed you will find my check or money 
g 00 for postage and handling. 


Please rush my fully guaranteed Enticer IV to me imme- 


diately. 
Name 


CODE #396 


Signature 


(ат over 18 years of аде Please sign as on credit card) 


Address. 


Cily 
State. 


ip. 
© Mastercharge 0 BankAmericard (visa) 


Val Prod.. 


SATIN SHEETS 


Nationally Advertised — Now at 
Manufacturer's Low Mill Price 
Machine Washable. 225 Thread ceunt with 
150 denier acetate thread. 16 colors: Avo- 
cade Green, Black, Royal Blue, Bronze, Gold, 
Hot Pink, lt. Blue, Mint, Orange, Purple, 
Red, Silver, Sunflower, White, Yellow, Pink. 
Entire set includes: 1 straight top sheet, 1 

fitted sheet, 2 matching pillowcases. 
Twin Set $24.00 Queen Set $33.50 
FullSet — $29.50 KingSet $39.50 
3 letter monogram on 2 cases — $3.00 
WE PAY POSTAGE 
Charge your order to your credit card. IMME- 
DIATE SHIPPING on Credit Card and Monty 
Ordors, American Express, Mastercharge, Bonk- 


Americard acceptod. Include Signature, Account 
Number & Expiration Dat 


FOR RUSH, RUSH ORDERS 
Call 201-222-2211 
24 Hours a Day, 7 Days a Week. 


. J. & N. Y residents add sales tax 
Direct Retail Sales 10-4, Mon.-Fri. 


Royal Creations, Ltd. 


Dopt. ГУЙ 320 Fifth Ave., New York, N. Y. 10001 


cii | I HH- 
Interbank = Exp. Date L 
5 Yr 


VYitisnally Aducrtised Crandall 
| CONDOMS BY MAIL - 


Sent First Class In Unmerked Wrapper 


SHIPPED OVERNIGHT 
] C INDULSE! Econo-Pack (50 condoms in all for ony. 
$10. includes FOUREX-XXXX, STIMULA, PRIME. etc. T 

Brands! End using sensation deadening condoms. Ё 
[| Set gossamer thin sensitive condoms designed tor | 
SAVE MONEY! 
E 12 Natural Lamb $10 
Г1 12 Fourex $10 
D 48 Stimula $12 
Г) 10 Textured Dots 
Enjoyment $5 
7736 Trojan [г 
Ends $12 


etc 

030 Executive 
Pack* $10. 
Three each of 


1-148 Tahiti 
$1050 
36 Guardian Enz. 
Lube. $10.50 
1 148 Sensual Awakener $10.00 
1130 Dot's Enjoyment $12 50 


=ч 
World Population Control. Dent. 221 I 
160 priest SL, E. Orange, New Jersey 07019 
eate sg te en sed below 
ECONO PACK (FOURK, STIMULA ec. 50 CON- 
DOMS 7 BRANDS $11 [22a STIMULA $6. 
EXECUTIVE PACK — 3 each ol the top ten roost 
SENSUOUS. GOSSAMER THIN. condoms S10 
(Stlmula. lubricated Trojans, and others) 
12 condoms (4 brands) $3. 
Deluxe package (6 brands) 26 condoms S6 І 
[Ои Geers package 100 condom 8 brands) здо, р 
n 


] Stipped in 


30 TEXTURED DOTS ENJOYMENT $12.50 


Name: 


|] Address 
R I атр 
mæ 5010 On Money Back Guarantee © [| 


with a frivolous click, how to make the 
shiny steel disappear again between silver 
scrollwork. "Do you want to try it?” 
The slim handle lies in my palm, cool and 
precise and as well known to me as if I 
had received it years ago, as a gift: to 
herald the age of consent 

1 hand the lovely object back reluctant- 
ly. He flips it open once more, lays the 
tip of the blade very lightly against the 
skin of my throat. I bend my neck back, 
back some more, back until it will not 
bend any farther. The stecl tip feels 
harmless—a toothpick. "Don't laugh," he 
says. “It'll go right through. . . ." But I 
do laugh, as he knew I would, and he has 
long moved the toothpick out of the 
way by the time I burst out giggling. 
Jext week you'll rob somebody,” he 
s. "In an elevator would be casiest. 
You can dress up in your Bluebeard outfit. 
Don't tell me about it in advance.” 

I know immediately which building. 
The second floor has been vacant for 
months, its door to the stair well un- 
locked. The following day, 1 have an ap- 
pointment at three. It is over within 
half an hour and 1 take the subway to 
his apartment and change. It’s a humid 
day and the ride back uptown is un- 
comfortable. How can they stand being 
dressed like this, I wonder, in the mid- 
die of July? I am sweating in shirt and 
vest and suit jacket, women in sleeveless 
dresses looking airy to me and as if in 
flight. I finger the smooth oblong in my 
pocket, expecting instructions to flow 
from it as from a talisman-guidebook. 

1 have, on several occasions, exchanged 
nods with this doorman. That he does 
not recognize me makes me {eel invisible 
and giddy. I stand before the board list 
ing the names and suite numbers of the 
companies in the building, glancing side- 
ways at the people to my left: Two wom- 
en are waiting in front of the banks of 
elevators leading to the upper floors, a 
middleaged man before those for the 
lower floors. I walk toward the opening 
doors of one of the elevators serving floors 
one through 18. 

"Three men and one woman c 
file past me and the midd] 
step into the elevator after him 
presses nine, I push two, Even before the 
doors have closed, the slim silver handle 
is out of my pocket. The playful click 
coincides with the onset of our ascent. 
There's the tip of the switchblade at his 
throat, which arches backward at an angle 
familiar to me. I hold out my free hand. A 
leather wallet—süll warm—lies in my 
palm just as the doors open. I stand out- 
side. We look at each other, somber as 
а trnofthecentury photograph, until 
the doors slide shut. Neither of us has 
spoken. 1 walk ten steps to the stair well, 
down one flight and back to the apart- 
ment. 

There's enough time for me to undress 


He 


WORLD RENOWNED 


SCIENTIST 


REVEALS "WE DISCOVERED 
CURE FOR BALDNESS!” 


“HAIR LOSS CAN BE STOPPED. THINNING HAIR CAN BE RESTORED”... 
READ THE INCREDIBLE FACTS REVEALED BY THE AUTHORIZED MEDICAL 
STUDY PUBLISHED BY THE UNIVERSITY OF HELSINKI 


Team of Doctors and Dermatologists 
Reveal Scientific Facts About Revolu- 
tionary New Discov That Signals the 
End to Hair Loss Problem. 


Before 


The Inventors 
Professor Kai Setala, M.D., Director of the 
Department of Pathology at the University of 
Helsinki, holds over 30 international patents. 
The results of his research have been pub- 
lished in over 200 scientific journals and 
publications. 


As appeared on page 109 o! stu 
Чап Swenson, 49 years oid, suffering. 
gradually developing baldness, before 
treatment and after 23 months of using the 
new formula. Density of hair distinctly 
increased; no longer any bald area. 


from 


Prclessor Ke: Бива MD. ру dona Schreck Pwroia MD 
His work has been funded by the National 
Cancer Institute and the United States Public 
Health Service. He is a member of the Amen- 
can Society for the Advancement of Science, 
the Royal Society of Medicine and others. He 
has received professorship from andhas been 
invited to lecture al the University of Bonn, 
Germany: Taft University, Boston, Baylor 
Medical School, Houston, Texas; University of 
Copenhagen, Denmark: University of Heidel- 
berg, West Germany and many others. 

Dr. llona Schreck-Purola, M.D., specialist in 
scalp and skin pathology, assisted Prof. 
Setala in leading the team of doctors and 
Scientists thal produced “Baldness and Its 

иг 


“RESULTS TESTED AND PROVEN 
ON HUNDREDS” 


Revealed Dr. Setala in an exclusive interview 
with Heinrich Kraus, international scientific re- 
porter and author of the book's introduction. 


Question: Let me ask you directly, Profes- 
sor, Can you really make hair grow? 
Professor Setala: Afier many years of dedi- 
cated work by myself and my staff of doctors 
and scientists, we finally broke through ‘the 
skin barrier. Tests were performed on 
hundreds of patients suffering from varying 
degrees of baldness and hair loss. The results 
were conclusive, as the table below shows. At 
about the same time as their hair loss was dis- 
Continued, new hair began to appear, а stimu- 
lation of regrowth of hair was concluded to 
‘occur on the following criteria 
(a) an increase in density and the average 
length of the hair in general 
(b) new hair occurred in such scalp areas 
from which hair had been shed 
(c) hairline had obviously changed 


THE FOLLOWING IS A TABLE 
OF RESULTS OBTAINED 
As appeared onpage 110 of study 


Hair Loss Problem Yields To Research 
Declared Professor Setala in a recent scientific 
lecture he delivered in Ontario, Canada. It 
shocked and astounded the medical commun- 
ity. 

Ladies and Gentlemen: 

1 speak to you today about a development 
which will have an enormous impact on the 
hair industry. We shall be releasing, shorlly, a 
new study which wil reveal, in its entirety, a. 
new treatment that corrects the hair loss 
problem and stimulates growth of new hair 
During the course of our skin research, we 
had quite accidentally discovered a new for- 


mula that would stimulate hair growth and restent Percentage о! 

feccicate hair loss g Time (Weeks) ^ Regrowth of Hair 
You can actually see the astounding results i ADR 

that have been achieved in the picture in front. ES 38 


of you. We have treated hundreds of men and 
women with our new formula. The results 


scientific project entirely financed by the public. 
Alter considering our findings, we have de- 
cided to release the facts and results gained 
through our research to the general public. Pa- 
tents have been granted in or sought for in 
major countries throughout the world. including 
the United States. At this time, our discoveries 
are in actual use in Holland, Switzerland, Ger- 
many. Italy, Canada and the Scandinavian 
countries and in many other nations. 


Question: Why do men lose their hair? 
Professor Setala: | can tell you that it is 
caused by a slowdown in cell growth that 
takes place under the skin surface. To get a 
really accurate answer, | recommend that any- 
опе concerned with hair problems should read 
BALDNESS AND ITS CURE. It tells explicitly 
how hair follicles rejuvenate, how hair loss can 
be stopped and regrowth can be achieved. 
The study has been fully documented with 
hundreds of patients using our formula. 

It contains a wealth of valuable research and 
information pertaining to the many aspects of 
hair loss and hair care. It is something the pub- 
lic must be made aware of. 


Learn The Facts 
About Hair Growth Today 


End your anxieties about the cause of hair 
loss, Learn the medical facts revealed by 
Prof. Setala in BALDNESS AND ITS 
CURE. A totally scientific study about 
growing hair, stopping hair loss and restor- 
ing thinning hair. It's time for you to learn 
what doctors already know and are doing. 
And if you find that you 
are not absolutely astounded by the 
starting new discovery just return your 
copy within 14 days for a full immediate 
refund —no questions asked 
Order BALDNESS AND 
ITS CURE Today 


p----------2------- 
П 


Riverbrook Research Corporation 1 
+ 6 Commercial St., Hicksville, N.Y. 11801 


Gentlemen: 

1 Please rush me “Baldness and Its 
1 Cure”. | enclose $9.95 plus 75¢ for vast- 
age and handling, a total of $10.70. | may 
1 return it for an immediate refund if lm not 
1 completely satisfied. N.Y. Residents add 
1 applicable sales tax PL-40 


were astounding. Hair loss was stopped and 
hair growth was stimulated in a great majority 
of the cases. Considering the overwhelming 
evidence and the universal significance of this 
great discovery, we have decided to make the 
results open to the public in a medical study 


Question: Is this discovery really of signili- 
cant importance in helping men with pro- 
gressive baldness or thinning hair? 

Professor Setala: We firmly believe that our 
new discovery is the most important of its kind. 
Itis a breakthrough achieved in the midst of a 


which will be published by the University of 
Helsinki.” Ji d 


[су 


І 
p Name 


Adoress 


1 
1 
1 
1 
І 
! 
1 
1 
І 
1 
1 
П 
L 
ЕЕС 
4 


Canadian Oraers Riverbiook Research Corp. 
Sune 1650, 439 University Ave.. Toronto, Ontario 


197 


PLAYBOY 


and put my own dothes back on and 
scrub the glue off my face before he comes 
home. E am sitting on the couch, pretend- 
ing to read the evening paper. He says, 
“Early, aren't you?” And, “I bought a 
porterhouse; the damn thing's worth its 
weight in gold.” I do not look up from 
the print, which blurs before my eyes. 
delayed reaction has set in: I need to 
make a concentrated effort to keep from 
sobbing and | am uying to understand 
why my thighs ache, why muscles deep 
inside my vaging are opening up and out, 
why T am aroused as if his tongue were 
goading me toward air that is dangerously 
thin and piercing. 


. 

I am siuing in a corner seat on the 
subway. It's been only two months, a little 
over nine weeks, Гуе been out of control 
lor two months. A boy sits across from me, 
curly hair falling over a round forehead, 
shirt unbuttoned, ап open book held 
rigidly in both hands. 1 look at him 
steadily. my body is liquid. afloat. He 
stares back, twice he's tried to smile. My 
hands are folded in my lap. one open 
palm inside the other. 1 don’t smile. I am 
conscious of my new power and the boy 
across the aisle js, too. Surely not a new 
power 


At West Fourth Suet, I get off. The 
boy cranes his neck, opens his mouth 
when I look back at him, jumps up in a 
sudden, awkward rush, but the doors have 
closed. 

‘The kid in the subway felt it, second- 
wd. It must seep from my pores. For 
the past two months, Гуе been in the 
process of being taught about myself, 
something new every night, the under- 
current geiting stronger by ihe hou 
nds pinned down above my head, sh: 
low gasps. “This is new" ticking in my 
In A conscious power; vulner- 
гу, perverse if only because it is total, 
natural as grass nonetheless, or asphalt in 
New York. Abandon. Take me, anything, 
do it to me, anything, take me, anything, 
kill me if it pleases you. But try tying me 
down, first. Look at my eyes closed, 
your fingers outlined on my cheek, damp 
hair lying where gravity makes it land as 
my head falls back against the pillow. 
Better yet, talk about striking me frst, in 
a low voice, and handculf me to the table 
leg and feed me, crouching low. Make me 
eat you between a mouthful of baked cod 
and one of homered potatoes, first, 
slowly tipping the glass of wine ара 
my lips until the liquid flows onto my 
tongue, my eyes closed, you have to gauge 
how far the glass needs to be tipped, I'm 
not wiping it off. first, and God surcly 
nows what next: thick welts and a stifled 
scream for the first time. Tracing the welts, 


new 


198 watching your cock grow hard again, 


watching you trace the welts, feeling your 
cock grow hard again, our eyes locked. 

Weeks later. stifling is no longer pos- 
sible. Maybe later yet a trickle of blood, 
what would it feel like to be struck so that 
one bleeds? When you're foui 
fathom what it's like to be five. 
never screamed out of control, you can't 
ginc how it feels. Now I know how it 
feels; it’s like coming, There is а sound, 
far away, having to do wi а 
not having to do with me, no responsi- 
bility. My body giving up, giving in. No 
bounds. Foreign sounds far away, I'm not 
accountable. 

Years of intermittent faking behind 
ine. The power to fake ecstasy, the stingy, 
pathetic control it provides, pantpant- 
pant, ah, darling. "Dynamite in hed,” 
whispers a man to his best friend as I'm 
about to enter the living room, only a 
few years ago. I never once came with 
that man, not in ten months of tireless 
gyrations, yet he was happy with my re- 

5. Watching him above me as I 


s taken me on, 
1 me in, taken me over, he can have 
it all, how welcome he is to me. 

Beyond All Limits is the title of a porn 
flick on Broadway and 44th. Beyond all 
limits, what a lovely sound, he's promised 
we'll sce it. "Well go to lots of movies, 
he says, “once we ride this out, this... 
phase we're in.” He's right. One needs to 
ride out a phase such as this one. Vision's 
too blurred, dari usly drunk driving on 
steep, narrow, winding roads, using them 
if the New York State Thruway, going 
110. oblivious to drunkenness and speed 
limits. He's moving me, edging me, step 
by careful step—nothing drunken about 
it—there goes one limit, another one, 
limits falling by the wayside. I'm айоа 
Alter three days, I've gone beyond my 
limits. For two months now, I've been 
ош of control. Long ago, I've lost count 
of how often I've come, how olten I've 
suid please, don't, please, ah, don't. I beg 
every night, lovely to beg. “Please what?’ 
he says in a low voice and makes me come 
. my voice far . hot my voice at 
L I plead every night, ugly rasping from 
‚ my stomach liquid, warm syrup 
S, out ol control. 

Listen, holy Virgin Mary, I’m like you 
now; there's no need for my control, he's 
doing it all, he'll do it until he kills me. 
Cant, won't КШ me, though, we're both 
too selfish for that. So many ways to edge 
on further, a lifetime full. Thick welts 
and а stifled scream for the first time. I've 
been with him only nine wecks and 
we've Jong moved beyond stifled screams. 
‘The things people do before they need to 
be killed must be legion. trickle of 
blood for the first time—legion. And the 
reminder: If you do kill me, you'll have 


to find someone else and is it easy to find 
women like me? 
. 

That night. a trickle of blood stained 
his sheets. He ran a finger through it, 
tasted it, then smeared the last drops 
across my mouth and watched the blood 
dry on my lips while stroking the sw 
wet hair above my forehead. “Yi 
do crave thi 
with ita 
I get the most persistent hard-on, imagi 
ing how far we'll go." He slowly rubbed 
at the crusty flakes around my mouth 
with his thumb. "Other times Em fright- 
ened. . . ." He laughed. "Hey, there's 
some pie left over from dinner. Let's cat 
it and go to bed. it’s two o'clock, you're 
impossible in the morning when you 
don't get enough sleep.” 

Next day, after break 
brushing my teeth, I began to ау. He 
called, “Ready?” and, “Let's go, sweet- 
heart, it’s twenty of.” A few minutes later, 
he came into the bathroom and set his 
briefcase down on the toilet seat. He took 
the toothbrush out of my hand and dried 
my face and said, “You have a meeting 
at nincethirty, remember?" and, "What on 
earth is the mater?” He kissed me on 
both cheeks, looped my handbag over my 
shoulder, picked up his briefcase and took 
my hand. He locked the apartment door 
while I cried and at one point, he said, 
“Do you have your sunglasses with you? 
and then took them from the outside 
pocket of my handbag himself and stuck 
them onto my nose, fumbling with one of 
the side bars, unable to find my right car. 

When we got olf the subway, I was still 
crying. I cried up the first set of stairs and 
then up the second set. Within a few 
yards of the exit turnstiles, he threw up. 
his hands and pivoted me toward the oth- 
er side of the platform and downstairs 
again and into the subway and up the 
elevator and into the living room, whe 
he halfpushed me onto the sofa and 
shouted, "Will you please talk to me?" 
and, “What the hell is goi 5 

1 didn't know what was going on. All 
I knew was І couldn't stop crying. When 
I was still crying at six o'clock, he took 
me to a hospital 1 was given sed 
and after a while, the aying stopped. 
The next day, 1 began a period of trea 
ment that lasted some months. 

1 never saw him again. 

When my skin had gone back to its 
even tone, 1 slept with another man and 
discovered, my hands lying awkwardly on 
the sheet at either side of me, that I had 
forgotten what to do with them. I'm 
responsible and an adult again, full time. 
What remains is t my sensation ther- 
mostat has been thrown out of whack 
It’s been years and sometimes 1 wonder 
whether my body will ever again register 
above lukewarm. 

Ba 


t and while 


"That's рїШаде?... А chicken is pillage?” 


| 


| COTCH 


Price may vary according to statt 


Isn't that a lot for a bottle of Scotch? 


ence? You get the fine taste of 
eno bargains in Scotch Chivas Regal. The taste of Scotch 
u get what you pay for. — whi в blended and aged for 12 
why Chivas Regal will years in specially cured casks. 
cost you more than other Scotches. Compare Chivas to your pres- 


What do you get for that differ- ^ ent Scotch. You'll find there's no 


comparison. Chivas Regal goes 
down as easily as honey, with true 
mellowness that comes only with 
age. 

"That's the fine taste of Chivas 
Regal. And fine taste has a price. 


12 YEARS OLD WORLDWIDE - BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKY - 86 PROOF - GENERAL WINE & SPIRITS CO., NEW YORK, 


TIPS ОМ KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


Playboy's Pipeline 


IMPORTING A FOREIGN CAR 


CHECKING THEM OUT 


When I get new auto magazines from 
ny and Italy, I leaf 
through the back pages first to see what 
rs are offered in the classifieds. And 
when I travel overseas, I can't help look- 
ing around to sce what exotic auto- 
mobiles are on the market. Sometimes 1 
even buy a car abroad—and so should 
u if the spirit so moves. Here are a 
few tips that may case you over the rough 
spots. 

First, you have to be sure the car is 
as represented. If you're where the ma- 
chine is, you can check it out yourself. 
If you're in America and the car is in 
England, you can join one of the two 
auto clubs there and, for a modest fee, 
have it inspect the car for you, The two 
clubs that do this are the Royal Auto- 
mobile Club, 83-85 Pall Mall, London 
SWIY 5HW, and The Automobile Asso- 
ciation. Fanum Howe, Basingstoke, 
Hampshire RG21 2EA. Either one will 
look the car over and send you a report 
on its condition. 


PUTTING UP THE MONEY 


Next comes the agonizing part: send- 
ing money. If the seller is reputable or 
is known to you, theres no reason this 
can't be done by check or by а transfer 
from your bank to his. If you're uncertain 
about the seller, you might discuss with 
your bank the issuance to him of a letter 
of credit that is payable only when the 
shipping documents dear his port. That 
way, he won't end up with both your car 
and your money. 


SHIPPING YOUR DREAM CAR 


The seller must agree to get the car 
ready for shipping and arrange to deliver 
it to the port of exit. If you have an ex- 
tremely rare car that's been given a costly 
restoration, it should be shipped in a 
standard container—the kind that Rolls 
Royce uses for new cars. The 20-foot 
container will hold most cars. “This isn't 
usually necessary.” says Stan Nowak of 
Long Islands Grand Prix SSR Com- 
pany, “as long as you put it aboard a 
ship that’s built for car transpor 

Before the car is shipped, it should be 
сапед, its battery disconnected or re- 
moved, its fuel tank drained and its cool- 
ant drained or checked for plenty of 
antifreeze. Also, have the seller take out 
or off any removable items and ship them 


separately. And it goes without saying that 
you shouldn't use the car as a container 
for personal articles. 

Who's going to ship it? That's for you, 
the buyer. to decide, One firm that Гуе 
used with satisfaction is General Ameri- 
сап Shippers, at 225 West 34th Street in 
New York. Another New York firm that’s 
been recommended is Schenkers Inter- 
national Forwarders, 1 World Trade Cen- 
ter, What will it cost? Rates from Europe 
to the U.S. vary too much from port to 
port to give a precise guide, but the cost 
is figured on the cubic volume of the car 


or container. If you allow $350 to $500, 
you won't be far off, You must arrange 
insurance, too. For a premium of one 
and one half percent of the car's declared 
value, you can get complete coverage. 
A few other pointers on shipping: T; 
ing delivery in the summer is easier on 
you and the car. Get to the docks as soon 
as you can, so there's less chance of dam- 
age to the car there, and take all the 
necessary papers, so there'll be no delay 
in settling with Customs dockside, They'll 
assess a duty of three percent on the value 
of the car. Those on the West Coast may 
wish to contact air-freight forwarders, 
ce shipment by air will often balance 
its high cost with greater convenience 
and reduced damage to the automobile. 


WHAT YEAR IS IT? 


If your import was built in 1967 ог 
earlier, and you can prove it, you're now 
home free. You'll have to pay your state 
a sales tax (if it has one) when you apply 
for registration, but otherwise, the open 


road awaits you and your Bentley, Bu- 
gatti or Borgward. If the year of manu- 
facture is 1968 or later, your troubles 
have just begun. You see, that’s when our 
Government began protecting us from 
our automobiles by making them conform 
to safety and emissions standards. And 
cars that do not conform to the standards 
that were in effect the year they were 
made are not allowed to stay in this coun- 
пу. It’s that simple. 

Your Governmeni 


gencies will dis- 
to 

int out 

Г the seller says the car meets 


that even 
U.S, rules, he may be wrong, But let's 


say that you're determined to go ahead 
and import that 1972 Lamborghini any 
way. The first thi 
the booklet “Importing a Car” from the 
U.S. Customs Service, Washington, D.C. 
90999, It sketches the scope of the diffi- 
culties youll face with the various stand. 
ards and it also gives the addresses of 
the people at the Environmental Protec 
tion Agency and the National Highway 
Traffic Safety Administration who can 
give you more detailed information on 
the standards your car is expected to meet. 

If it’s a '68 model or newer, the car 
of your dreams сап pass through Customs 
with case only if authentic fac 
tory labels on the doorjamb and under 
the hood cenilying that it meets the 
applicable standards, If there аге no 
bels, you can still import it if you р 
to have it brought into line, Customs 
will give you 90 days to do so and will 
ask you to post a bond equal to the value 
of the car to make sure you don't forget 
about that obligation. 

Cars of 1973 and later are real chal- 
lenges, what with bumper requirements 
and lower emissions limits. But compa- 
nics are springing up that specia 
converting cars to meet all the pertinent 
standards. You can expect to shell out 
big dough for such an overhaul. And 
you also have to pay $800 for having the 
са 


g you should do is get 


evaluated by an approved emissions 
center. 


А do-ityourselfer who really knows his 
way around cars can make the conversion 
himself, with the help of the documen- 
tation that Washington provides. But it's 
ier by far to get a car from one of the 
82 model years before 1968. 1f that won't 
satisfy you, you're in real trouble! 
KARL LUDVIGSEN 


201 


You're gonna love our Great Little Car. 
Mazda GLC. 


Great little piston engine. Great little goodies, Great little price; 


PLAYBOY 


The 1978 Mazda GLC is a phenomenal automobile. It’s not often а car of special 
merit comes along that doesn’t cost a small fortune. It's not often a car comes along with 
this kind of equipment, this kind of styling, for this kind of money: $3595** for the GLC 
Deluxe 3-door Hatchback. 

An electric remote control button under the instrument panel allows you to unlatch 

= 4—— the hatch from the driver's seat. Or, you may open the 
/ hatch from the outside, when that’s more convenient. REMOTE 
ғ Every Deluxe GLC has а rear wiper, washer, and ^ HATCH RELEASE 
defroster as standard equipment. A choice of 4-speed, 5-speed, 
or automatic transmission. And a rear seat that splits in 
E half, so you can carry people and stuff, or just stuff. 
BEARWIPER/WASHERB/DEFROSTER There's alot more to a GLC than this of course. Yet 
=, # doesn’t cost a lot of money — whether 
NO) qe. it’s the GLC 
Deluxe 3-door 
Hatchback, 


"Е ostimales basedon optional 
Speed transmission. Your misage 


where you 
ica, and opt 
42/88, 


| : 5-door Hatch- 
CHOICE OF TRANSMISSIONS back, or the 
GLC Sport, or the GLC Standard model. 
Mazda's Great Little Car is a great 
little car. You're gonna love it. 


E GLC. Now, four great little cars in all, from $8245?* 


SURVIVING A TAX 


THE TAX MAN COMETH 


“In this world, nothing is certain but 
death and taxcs" Ben Franklin 
said it first in 1789 and millions of people 
have repeated it since. But what is equally 
certain in the American tax structure is 
that a certain percentage of the almost 
90,000,000 Federal income returns 
filed by individuals last year will be 
audited by the Interna] Revenue Service. 

Although you can never be certain 
that your return won't be selected. for 

audit, you can often minimize your 
chances of being chosen. Using the stand- 
ard deduction instead of itemizing, list- 
ing only claims that are substantiated and 
being meticulous about reporting all in- 
come received (including bank interest 
ind stock dividends) are among the steps 
that can be taken to reduce the possibility 
of being called for an examination. On 
the other hand, you could be paying 
more than you ought to by nol itemizing. 

When the service selects a return. for 
audit, the decision is usually made because 
there is a reason to question the correc- 
ness of the reported information. High- 
income taxpayers who earn least. 
$50,000 annually are about three times 
as likely 10 be audited as those with less 
income. That is mainly due to the fact 
that. theirs often more complex 
returns. 

Returns are selected for examination 
primarily by use of a computer program 
known as Discriminant Function, or 
DIF. “DIF is both a sophisticated and 
а somewhat mysterious tool of the 165." 
notes the American Institute of Certified 
Public Accountants—and not without 
good reason. 

Through its electronic data-processing 
operation, DIF produces a composite 
score for identifies 
those that show significant variations 
от the norm. These are brought to the 
attention of IRS agents for follow-up. An 
example of the type of return that might 
be flagged by DIF is. that of a person 
who chi ty loss 
of $200,000 on a house fire and who re- 
ports an income of $15,000 annually. 


every return and 


ms an uninsurcd casua 


IF YOU'RE CHOSEN 
Once a revenue agent chooses a man 
or a woman for an audit, һе sends a polite 
form letter listing the date, time and IRS 
office for the examination appointment, 


TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


The taxpayer is often asked to bring the 
necessary supporting documents, such as 
canceled checks and receipts. An account- 
ant or a lawyer can be with you during 
the examination or can appear without 
you if authorized to do so on a special 
IRS power-oLattorney form. 

When someone appears for you or 
with you at an audit proceeding, he is 
usually the pemon who prepared your 
return, though he necd not be. But re 
dless of who prepar 
who makes an appearance at the IRS 
office, the taxpayer himself is the one 


responsible for the facts of the matter. If 
you can prove that you followed errone 
ous advice from a reputable individual, 
you might be able to avoid penalties that 
would otherwise have been levied. 

Although most agents are courteous and 
understanding, many taxpayers are apt 
to talk too much during the examination 
due to nervousness. Tax specialists ad 
that the best policy is to be equally cour- 
teous and nonargumentative, 

The best way to ensure that your rec- 
ords will be properly or 
entation to an agent is to 
already organized in prep 
filing of th all 
invoices and canceled checks d ng with 
tax-related expenses should be kept for at 
least three years. Any records regarding 
the sale or purchase of a residence 
should be kept forever. 

At the end of the схап 
agent may feel that you owe additional 
money to the Government, despite your 


ise 


return. 


Playboy's Pipeline 


AUDIT 


belief to the contrary. Typically, he will 
propose a specific amount and suggest 
that you agree to pay it, As might be ex- 
pected, the overwhelming majority of all 
individual audits are closed at this point 
with the payment of additional taxes, and 
penalties, where they apply 


APPEALING THE VERDICT 


Nevertheless, there are avenues of ap- 
peal both inside and outside the TRS. 
Н you wish to contest а ruling of a reve 
nue agent and his supervisor. you ha 
what tx lawyers call "two bites out of 
the apple" within the service: a confer 
ence with a senior agent, or conferec, in 
the district office, and then a session with 
a hearing olficer in the regional appellate 
ollice—if you are dissatisfied with the те 
sults at the previous level. 

If it means enough. to you financially 
or psychologically, you сап go still furthe 
to independent judicial bodies in order 
10 press the issue. For instance, a dispute 
involving 51500 or less сап be taken to 
the United States Tax Court under its 
Small Tax Case procedures, whereby you 
can present your own case for a bindin 
decision. You can also take your case to 
the regular Federal court system, begin- 
ning with the district court and going all 
the way up to the Supreme Court. How- 
ever, these courts gencrally hear tax 
cases only after you have paid the tax 
and have filed a claim for a refund. 


THE FINAL JUDGMENT 


When the final adjustment is made and 
am additional tax is required, interest at 
the rate of six percent will be added 
There is also the chance that penalties 
will be imposed—for negligence where 
there is intentional disregard of regula 
tions (five percent of the tax. deficiency) 
and for fraud where there is deliberate 
intent to defraud (up to 50 percent of the 
deficiency). Negligence generally carries 
a three-year statute of limitations, but 
there is no time limit on charges of civil 
tax fraud or failure to file a return, 

It might be wise, therefore, to retain 
copies of prior years’ tax returns and rcc 
ords, If the IRS wants to take a look—or 
even а second look—at your filings, such 
papers could come in handy when trying 
to provide the data that could save you 
further taxes and penalties. 

LEONARD SLOANE 


203 


©1977 A. J. Reynolds Tobacco Со. 


find only Winston gives 
. Winston is all taste a 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous toYour Health. [ 


TIPS ОМ KEEPING YOUR LIFESTYLE IN HIGH GEAR 


Playboy's Pipeline 


THE OLD-HOUSE BOOM 


LIVE-IN HISTORY 


As America nostalgically scratches away 
at its sociological topsoil in quest of its 
roots, the longstanding American dream 
of home ownership is undergoing a cor- 
responding metamorphosis. Where once 
picture windows and Formica were the 
objectives of the landed bourgeoisie, now 
there is a massive trend toward another 
system of tastes. High ceilings and wide- 
plank floors, fireplaces and Victorian 
gingerbread are the fashions of the latter- 
20th Century residence, popularized to 
the extent that the oldshouse movement, 
if not precisely а craze, is certainly a 
boom. 

Across the country. the old part of town 
has become the historic district. The 
reasons are abundant and varied, some 
romantic, others practical. On one hand, 
that charming Queen Anne home over 
there has patiently indulged the trends 
and fads of generations, yet vou cin 
move in and surround yourself with his- 
tory. If time insists upon marching on, 
it can be reassuring at lcast to dress for 
the parade. 

But eno 


of sentimentality. Museums 
we have aplenty, so we need not live in 
one to presume links with our heritage. 
The simple fact is that old houses often 
are better than new ones. 


ON WITH THE OLD 


Old house: 
bui 


les define them as those 
t sometime between the landing of 
the Pilgrims and 1920—were put up when 
a bricklayer might have earned 65 cents 
per day. It didn't cost much more to build 
а wall four rows of brick thick than it 
did to build one three rows thick. Lum- 
ber, sometimes imported from the edge 
of town, was an economical commodity, 
so the beams beneath the floor might be 
a full 12 inches thick. As for the laborer, 
he was often an Old World craftsman 
driven by a passion for quality and skill. 
Whatever he built was damn sure to be 
strong and tight. 

That does not mean that every old 
house is automatically a fortress against 
the elements. The older it is, the longer 
the ravages of time have had to do their 
dirty work, Plumbing, heating and clec- 
trical systems can need renewal; years 
of leakage can produce severe structural 
damage. The smart shopper retains the 
services of a house inspector—listed plen- 
tifully in most Yellow Pages—to train his 


keen eye on the buckled this and discol- 
ored that that implies potential trouble. 

he fee for such an appraisal generally 
runs from $60 to 5200, which is a lot less 
than the cost of replacing a wall that 
falls down. 

Keep in mind, however, that any major 
improvements you make may call for a 
building permit, and that alerts the city 
to the fact that your taxes should be 
raised. 


MONEY-MAKERS 


Differences among neighborhoods are 
a factor that can be measured most clearly 


in dollars and cents. Here's а typical ex- 
ample: A four-story brownstone in Brook 
lyn’s Cobble Hill section sold for $13,000 
14 years ago, when the area was "de- 
pressed." Today, the area is and 
ihe same house could easily command 
$190,000. Realestate taxcs may have gone 
up, too. but not by those kinds of dollars. 
(The value of an old house, of course, 
can also decrease if a neighborhood goes 
from bad to worse, so be sure to investi- 
gate all aspects of an area before you 
plunk your money down on an old man- 
sion you can’t live without.) 

Indeed, аз restorers band together, it 
not uncommon for property values to 
double in five years. And an old house 
is considered one of the few tax shelters 
available to the middle-income home- 
owner-investor. Sell the house after 
you've lived in it a few years and you will 
realize capital gains. But if within 18 
months, you reinvest those gains in a 


vived' 


more expensive house, they won't be 
taxed. 

I's evident from many sources that the 
old-house movement is snowballing. The 
onal Trust for Historic Preservation 
in Washington, D.C., had 3200 members 
in 1960, 23,670 in 1970 and 190,500 in 
1977. It reports that the number of his 
toric commissions has leaped in ten 
years from 150 to 500. The bible of the 
old-house movement, the Old House Jour 
nal (S12 annually; 199 Berkeley Place, 
Brooklyn, New York 11217), has climbed 
from zero to 21,000 circulation in four 
years. Its catalog of firms specializing in 
old-house accouterments and services went 
from 383 to 525 from one recent issue 
to the next ($4.50 to Journal subscribers, 
$7 to nonsubscribers). As for the t 
contractors and real-estate brokers 
ing offered a new publication, Preserva- 
iion Reports, which suggests the pro's eye 
iew of the market by its subscription 
price of $90 annually. 


WHERE ARE THEY? 


Finding an attractive old house is not 
hard. The path of least resistance iw 
through realestate firms: some specialize 
in them. While a real-estate agent's opin- 
ion may be colored by the contingencies 
of a sales pitch, it can be confirmed or 
modified by the residents of restoration 
neighborhoods. Most are proud of what 
they've accomplished and usually are 
secking additional colonists to populate 
their areas. Real-esiate sections of many 
newspapers brim with listingy of house 
tours sponsored by community organiza- 
tions. For a fee of three dollars or so, the 
tourist can see interesting houses and 
environs, meet the neighbors and often 
discuss prospects over wine and cheese. 

Old houses constitute a limited ге 
source. If one succumbs to fire or neglect, 
it cannot be replaced. Meanwhile, interest 
in revitalizing them has reached propor 
tions sufficient to motivate Senator Henry 
Reuss, chairman of the House Banking 
Committee, to state that “the rejuvenation 
of our cities could be the great growth in 
dustry of the Eighties.” It will probably 
never reach the point where minority 
groups are crowded out of their tene- 
ments and into the suburbs to make way 
for the middle class. But it does look as if 
a wave of the future will be to live in the 
houses of the рам. — —DON SUTHERLAND 


205 


PLAYBOY 


206 


‘Carmen was a good man.” An investiga- 
tor for the Los Angeles district attorney's 
office put it this way: "Mr. Falzone was 
in the California state institution at 
Soledad and he did have access to Sirhan 
znd they did have a lot of conversa- 
tions." Finally, Falzone told us that after 
his release, he had gone to the D. 
office with his story, hoping, he said, that 
they would do something about the po 
tential danger. We asked the district 
attorney's office about this. A spokesman 
said, "We asked Mr. Falzone to take a 
polygraph examination and he passed 
the polygraph on the stories Sirhan sup: 
posedly told him. 


. 

"At one point," Falzone says, “I asked 
Sirhan, ‘If you were angry because the 
U.S. supported Israel, why didn't you 
kill the President, kill L.B.J.? He start 
ed to tremble, those dark eyes popping, 
and he said, "Don't you understand, 1 
did kill the President. Kennedy would 
have been President, and if he was that 
pro-Isra when he wasn’t President, 
imagine how he would be as President 
So 1 decided to change history.’ 

In the days that followed, han told 
Falzone more about the murder, stories 
that portray Sirhan as a cold, methodics 
political killer—not the befuddled boy, 


(continued from page 98) 


not the hypnotized Manchurian Candidate 
killerrobot. As far as Falzone could 
tell, n was purely a political assas 
"He told me his act had inspired Qad. 
dafi, Arab people had told him so. 
[Qaddafi's coup brought him to power 
only 16 months after R.F.K.s death but 
appears to be unrelated to the assassina- 
tion.) He told me about that night in 
the hotel [the Ambassador Hotel, where 
R.F.K. was shot the evening of June 5, 
1968]. I think he said he knew the lay- 
out, that he knew somebody who worked 
there. He definitely said he was in the 
pantry on purpose. [It has been theo- 
ized that Sirhan's position in a pantry 
off a main ballroom was a matter of 
chance.] Then he said, “I did it for my 
people. When I blew him away, I really 
felt good.’ I could tell he thought he'd 
become a hero. Sirhan said he thought he 
would be killed th: ht, a martyr to the 
Arabian people. He said he was surprised 
they didn’t kill him. They just pinned 
him down. His arm was fucked up for six 
months after that big guy, Rosey Grier, 
nearly tore it olf. 
Another time, Sirhan 
ssassination for a startled Falzone. "We 
re talking about it. I never saw him 
lose his cool except this once. I asked him 


re-enacted the 


something about politicians, the Ken- 
ncdys. He said they were all criminals. He 
said, ‘What's the big deal, just because I 
killed that fucking Bobby Kennedy? 
Then, man, it was weird. He smiled, but 
you could just see the hate oozing out of 
him." As Falzone watched, Sirhan slowly 
raised his left hand, the forefinger сх- 
tended, and then crooked it time and 
again around an invisible trigger as he 
mimed the moment of the murder. 

We asked Falzone if he knew that 
han had reenacted the crime once be- 
fore, prior to his trial and supposedly 
while under hypnosis. According to Rob- 
ert Blair Kaiser, a writer who witnessed. 
the first. reenactment, Sirhan reached 
with his right hand for his waistband, 
where he had, in fact, carried the Iver- 
Johnson on the day of the assassination, 
Sirhan then, wrote ser, hammered his 
right thigh with his hand five times, fol- 
lowed by three spasmodic squeczings of 
the right forefinger. Why, for starters, 
the difference in hands? 

“I don't know,” Falzone said. “I did 
ask him if he was left-handed. He said. 
"No, I shoot with either hand." He said 
Kennedy was cor through shaking 
hands, so Sirhan stuck his right hand out 
and shot with his left." We admitted that 
seemed logical. But Sirhan, in fact, shot 
Kennedy with his right hand, according 
to witnesses. Falzone maintains that he 
is simply reporting to us what he heard 


Williom Boyd Enterpri 


COLORADO 


SAGE. BOLD, HONEST, HEROIC. 


A GENUINE FRAGRANCE OF THE AMERICAN WEST. 


For the nome of the store nearest you thot sells Colorado Soge, coll toll-free: (800) 321-9985. For o 22" x 28" blow up poster 
of Hopalong Cossidy plus o somple of Colorado Soge, send $1.00 with your return oddress то: Jess Bell, Inc., P.O. Box 39789, Denver CO 80239. 


How Panasonic got more thrust 
out of Thrusters. 
And more power 
out of Matched Components. 


Even for our sound engineers it was a tough 
assignment. Improve Thrusters, the speakers 
that had already created a sensation with their 
extra speaker cone for that extra thrust of bass. 
So important in today's music. 


But they did it. Introducing Thrusters 
SB-1800. It has what our engineers call “a 
Parabolic short horn.” It 
directs the sound, so the 
room is filled with a sound 
presence that's hard to 
describe but easy to enjoy. 
And our engineers even 
went a step further. To power 
the new Thrusters, they also 


Matched Components stereo 
receiver yet—the RA-6800 with a full 25 watts per 
channel, minimum RMS into 8 ohms from 40 Hz 
to 20 kHz with no more than 0.8% total harmonic 


All cabinetry is simulated wood. 


created our most powerful = 


distortion. But there's more to the 6800 than big 
power. A lot more. Like direct coupled circuitry 
for solid power even in low bass frequencies. 
And a loudness switch to boost the bass at low 
volume levels. 

To make AM/FM tuning extra accurate, 
there's a linear dial scale. Signal strength 
meter. And AFC. 

The 6800's 8-track player /recorder features 
automatic /manual record levels. Two level meters. 
Repeat feature. And pause control. 

‚ For your records, Panasonic offers the 
automatic return, servo-belt-drive turntable, 
model RD-3500. It comes complete with magnetic 
cartridge, dust cover and the kind of performance 
specs your friend the hi-fi nut talks about. 

And for private 
listening, put on our 


Duo-Cone headphones. 
lightweight Duo-Cone \ 
headphones. EPN N22 

240) 
Components. There are A à 7 
24 different combinations М 


Panasonic Matched 
that all say, "Helio, hi-fi. Goodbye, hassle?” 


Matched Components 
Panasonic. 


just slightly ahead of our time. 


PLAYBOY 


THE MAN WHO GOT THROUGH TO SIRHAN 


1 1B39042 


I H cu FALZONE 


Carmen Falzone in prison and today. Accarding to authorities, he is the anly mon who was able to get close to Sirhon. 
In the course of their relationship, Sirhan gradually revealed himself ta Falzone, who is now aut on parole after a rather 
spectacular career as a "one-man crime wave." Since his speciclty in those avtside-thelaw days was breaking through 
security systems, he now sells security devices and markets his skills as a consultant to industry ond private individuals. 


Falzone, who wos once a master criminal, developed this de- 
vice, called Air-Forse I. It monitors change in air pressure 
зо that a building cannot be entered or left without setting 
off an alarm, yet those inside con move around freely. 


Sirhan Sirhan, who shot Robert Kennedy, has been America's mast Muammar el-Qoddofi, the feared Libyan leader who has 
secretive assassin, Virtually nothing has emerged from his cell. apenly advacated violent solutions to political problems in 
Now a farmer fellow prisoner comes forward with shocking as- Ње Mideast, figures as a key character in Falzone’s account 
sertions about his state of mind, his motives and his bizarre plans. — of what Sirhan would like to do to again change history. 


and saw at Soledad. Assuming Falzone's 
account is accurate, was Sirhan crazy 


? Hypnotized or 


when Kaiser saw hi 
shamming? Was he conning Falzon 


Was he insane there in the prison cell - 
DLE can handle etaxa 
hin an inch of Kennedy's ш 


right mastoid and begun squeezing? Ob- 


viously, these are impossible questions to There's no easy way to describe the taste of Metaxa. 
Posed у I Cesc 
answer fully, but we tried, beginning Except to say that it's definitely not one of your kid-glove 
with the contention of Sirhan's defense drinks. When you taste Metaxa. you 
team that he was disturbed, "a chronic p B Т А 
and deteriorating schizophrenic.” know it. And you won't forget it. 
We asked another Soledad inmate. He Metaxa comes from Greece, where 
said, “The little guy [a sobriquet applied ‘ they understand such things. 
to Sirhan out of his hearing] is smart, not The Greeks drink Metaxa straight, 


crazy. 
Nelson, who spent over 20 hours coun- S S Ч 

seling Sirhan, put it simply: “Sirhan is as a Stinger with a little 

nota crazy man by апу definition at all." more sting. 

He was "a dedicated political assassin Metaxa. Drunk by 


but not part of a conspiracy." Nor was Gods and Warriors. And 
he in a trance Nelson sees it. "He had Men who can handle it. 


one objective. That was to put a buller 
into Kennedy." 

We talked with Baxter Ward, the Los 
Angeles County supervisor who has 
been receptive to "second gun" specula 
tions, It was Ward and another Los 
Angeles County supervisor who recently 
met with Sirhan at the assassin's invita 
tion. The meeting produced а suggestion 
that a return visit to the Ambassador 
be arranged. The supposed purpose 
of the visit was to refresh Sirhan's mem 
ory, to see if the amnesiac, entranced 
Sirhan could remember what had I 
pened. Ward told us, “I learned of the 
request when I saw him in jail at 
Soledad in early June 1977. Jt was the 
only time I've ever visited him. I was 
startled at his mental alertness. He could 
describe things in ge that was 
unusual but very precise. He had no dif- 
ficulty putting together thoughts rapid- 
ly... some of my questions he could not 
have anticipated." Did he seem par 
? Ward answered, “He might have 
been paranoid, but I think he surely has 
recovered from that condition. When 
you talk to him, you realize he isn't 
We wondered if Ward thought 
that Sirhan was dedicated to the Arab 
cause. "Im sure he is." For good mea 
ure, Ward told us Sirhan refused h 
suggestion that he be hypnotized a 
cven by a Palestinian psychiatrist. "It 
troubles me," Ward said. “I think he's 
wrong. 1 don't know why he'd be un- 
comfortable with that.” 

Falzone thinks he knows why. “Sir- 
han is sancr than you or me. He told 
me he made up all that trance and hypno- 
sis stuff. Faked it. Just like this wanting 
to go back to the hotel so he can remem- 
ber. That's a fraud and a scam. He even 
said he might try to escape if they let him 
go to the hotel. Shit, he remembers every- 
thing. He told me about it all. He said he 
was totally alone, no one else. The only 
funny thing is, he thought somebody was 
shooting at him, because he felt bullets 


by the fistful. Or sometimes 


The 84 proof Greek Specialty Liqueur| 
© Austin, Nichols & Co., Inc. N.Y. Sole Importers 


PLAYBOY 


buzzing by while he was shooting his 
gun." (There have been numerous theo- 
ries that a second gunman was involved, 
but the vast majority of the 70-odd wit- 
nesses say they saw none. Two witnesses 
think they did but have been unable to 
prove it. The odd ricochets in the pan- 
try that the police say account for 12 bul- 
let paths from an eight-shot. pistol could 
ссоши for Sirhan's impression.) 

So, for Falzone, Sirhan was a sane, ob- 
sessed assassin. The "psycho act,” Sirhan 
told Falzone, was “to soften up public 
opinion for when he gets out. He told me 
the love for the Kennedys was declining, 
so now he wanted to make himself look 
more sympathetic in the media. He said, 
(TH show everybody Em not the animal 
they think I am.’ " Falzone found out, he 
s, that Sirhan was far from an animal. 
After the Kennedy disclosures, Sirhan 
steered their conversation toward st 
nuclear weapons. "| found out han 
was highly intelligent, one-directional, 
motionless and suspicious, the perfe 
terrorist,” Falzone says. 

It June 1977 when the two һер 
to plot in earnest. Falzone remembers 
Sirhan leading up to the proposal with 
more teasing questions. Had Falzone ever 
stolen anything protected by highly so- 
phisticated electro systems? Yes, 
zone told him. Moreover, while he was 
on the lam, running his alarm business, 
he'd been to the Mobility Equipment 
Research and Development Command 
at Fort Belvoir, Virginia, the Govern- 
ment installation that develops and tests 
security systems, among other things. He 
demonstrated the air-pressure device. “I 
told Sirhan that they liked it, and they 
did, but that I also knew what they have 
now, and 1 could steal anything they 
got.” (A spokesperson for MERADCOM 
confirmed that Falzone had shown his 
device to officials there.) 
irhan asked if Falzone had ever gotten 
away with anything surrounded by armed 
men. Falzone told him about emptying 
"maybe 100" safedeposit boxes in а 
large California bank. “1 came in 
dressed like a priest, with a wheelbarrow 
full of pennies and nickels. Said it was 
the p h's athletic fund the Kids had 
соПеаса and could 1 please use their 
coin sorter? I knew it was in the safe- 
deposit room. The rest was сизу. They 
1 took my pennies and nickels, about 
three grand worth. Shit, } told Sirhan, 
if E tell you I'm going to steal something, 
make book on it.” 
irhan started making book on it. He 
again ked about the Mideast, about 
Qaddafi. He hinted that he received mes- 
sages from Qaddafi through his brother 
Adel. He told zone that Qaddafi was 
a man of the people, like Sirhan himself, 
that the colonel sometimes went into the 
desert dressed in а burnoose and sat in 
tents to talk with his people. Sirhan re- 
peated that he was а hero in Libya. He 


то showed Falzone clippings that quoted 


Qaddafi as saying he'd give millions for a 
nuclear capability to match the Israelis 
Falzone: “I wanted to know what w; 
so one day I just said, ‘Look, 
you've given me flour, yeast and 
1 know you're making bread. So 
counuy do you want me to take over?’ 

Conquest, however, was not in Sirhan's 
plan. Terrorism was. The ultimate dream 
was to present Qaddafi in person with the 
nuclear devices, “They'll make you a 
prince,” Falzone was told. (As long ago 
1973, to reports, Qaddafi 
ordered an Egyptian submarine to tor- 
pedo the Queen Elizabeth II while she 
was c American and European 
Jews on a pilgrim 8 
archenemy, lat, vetoed the order.) 
Sirhan insisted that Falzone make a total 
commitment to the plan, to go all out, 
ncluding killing people, if necessary. 
He told me he'd already got his 
credentials by Killing Kennedy, that he 
didn't have to kill again. But he would, 
he said, kill 30 or 40 or however many, 
to get the nuclear stuff. 1 had to agree. 
He's serious, man, serious as a heart 
attack," 

Falzone asked Sirhan what the Libyans 
would do with, say, some small nukes. “He 
told me they'd make demands, tell the 
Sixth Fleet to get out of the Med and 
quit protecting the Jews. Get the Russians 
out, too. He said if they said no, we'd 
just out three or four cities, maybe 
Starting with New York, to show they 
weren't fud around. He said, “After 
that, we'd make them all come to a meet- 


what 


sked Falzone if this seemed like 

talk. Falzone repeated, “He's 
Шап you or me. He's just 
He told me he knew that 
Arab terrorist teams were already in 
the U.S. looking for a nuclear facility to 
loot.” But Sirhan wouldn't say how he 
knew. Falzone suspected that Sirhan's 
visitors, who spoke to him by tele- 
phone—Snrhan refused “contact visits, 
even from his mothe ncluded Arabs. 
Maybe that was the contact, “There's 
a lot of hocus-pocus Sirhan didn't tell 
me. He wouldn't tell me anything I 
didn't need to know. One time, he said, 
"Carmen, you're the only man I ever 
talked to about this, you better not fuck 
me.” Sirhan did, though, tell Falzone 
that such terrorists were all muscle and 
no brain, that “they have no technol- 
ogy, they'd just try to bust (The 
Pentagon's Defense Department Studies, 
Analysis and Gaming Agency has been 
conducting secret, high-level war games 
to prepare for possible terrorist attacks. 
The reason, according to the Arms Соп- 
trol and Disarmament Agency, is that 
“there is no doubt that mass annihila 
tion is feasible—and resourceful, tech- 


saner 
obsessed. 


nically oriented thugs are capable of 
doing it.") 

It was Falzone's technical expertise that 
Sirhan sought to enlist, first to escape 
nd then to steal the nuclear weapons. 
Falzone described his James Bondish es- 
ape plan. It suggests his ingenuity, but 
it also makes you wonder about his truth- 
fulness—or Sirhan's common sense. The 
scheme was complexity itself. First, Fal- 
zone would get outside on parole. Then 
he would inform Sirhan via coded letter 
of the exact date for the escape, sometime 
shortly after Christmas 1977. Why then, 
we asked? Sirhan, though a Palest 
was a professed Christian who regularly 
got Christmas packages. The necessary 
cutting tool, FM transceiver and am- 
phetamines would come to hi 
gilts, in canned hams. “They never open 
or Xray stuff scaled at a factory,” Fal- 
zone said, “so I'd put the gear in a cou 
ple of hams, lay some money on a guy 
who works in a packing plant, have him. 
seal the cans and ship them off to Sirhan 
from his mother," Sirhan’s next move 
would be to return a coded Jetter con- 
firming the date. The code, Falzone said, 
was elementary. The significant words 
would be those occurring before a com- 
ma. His letters to Sirhan would always 
be from a woman with two 
names; eg, Ruth Esther. Si 
received many billetsdoux from admir- 
alzone's would not be sus- 
pect. Sirhan's reply would be to the same 
fictional woman at the return addre: 

Finally, the Great Escape would take 
place. Sirhan would saw his cell bars, 
drop some speed and radio Falzone, who 
would be waiting five minutes away with 
a helicopter. As Falzone’s chopper ap- 
ed, Sirhan would leap to the roof 
ten feet beneath his window, Falzone 
would lower a cargo net, "he grabs and 
we go. 

Thats not all This 5300.000 оре 
tion—financed by Qaddafrs oil money— 
would include an airlift to a tractor- 
trailer rig, the transfer of Sirhan to the 
ruck and his transport to a safe place 


n. 


as 


common 


long the nation's interstates. "I'd have 
radio scannet TV monitors, living 
space, the works, in the truck,” Falzone 


said. When we expressed skepticism over 
the baroque plot, he shrugged. “Can you 
imagine the heat that would come down 
when Sirhan escaped?” We did and r 
called that James Earl Ray, a much 
wanted quarry, was brought to bay by 
two bloodhounds and six sweaty moun- 
taineers. But Falzone stuck to his story. 
Alter parole, he was, through Adel or 
maybe on his own, to contact Qadd 
agents, sell them his ability to st 
Sirhan and the nukes, get the money, 
spring the assassin and move at once to 
phase two, the taking of the nuclear 
materials. 

"I would have buried $ Chi 
go.” Falzone said. "Or, if the heat got 
close, I'd have air-freighted him there in 


cal 


The new Dodge Omni. 
People just seem to like it. 
Because Omni tries so hard 
to please. With a 99.2-inch 
wheelbase. A 1.7 litre over- 
head cam engine. And a 
likeable base sticker price of 
only $3706* including 
standard features like an AM 
radio, vinyl body side mold- 
ings, and white sidewall tires. 

The Omni shown below 
with a number of stylish 
additions has a sticker price 
of just $3981* 
$3901: (PRICE OF CAR AS SHOWN) 

$3706*CDASE STICKER PRICE) 


MOTORTREND 
CAR OFTHEYEAR 


Even big people like 
Omni. For example, the four 
weekend hackers you see 
here. All four of their golf 
bags fit in a covered com- 
partment behind the rear 
seat. If this were a twosome, 
that rear seat could be 
folded down giving 
35.8 cubic feet of 
space. Enough to 
handle their bags 


and destination charges. 


FS ARMY. 


and a couple of carts. Omni's 
built here in America with 
American-sized people very 
much in mind. 

Lots of room. That's one 
advantage of Omni’s front- 
wheel drive. The size of the 
tunnel you find in the middle 
of most conventional rear- 
wheel-drive cars is reduced. 
So there's more room for 
legs and stuff 

Then theres ride. It's 
stable. Com- =æ ца 
fortable. Be- 
cause the д. 
right kind of |} 


attention 
was paid to things 

like spring rates and jounce 
travel. Front-wheel drive 
with rack-and-pinion steering 
does its part, too. 

Another thing, with four 
good-sized suburbanites 
like you see here, Omni's 
gritty four-cylinder engine 


can make this car move with 


plenty of authority. No sweat 


at expressway speeds. 
Remarkable, when you 
consider the EPA estimated 
mileage ratings achieved 
by that engine and Omni's 
standard four-speed manual 
transmission and a 3.3 
transaxle ratio: 


EPA ESTIMATES 
39 MPG HIGHWAY /25 MPG CITY. 
Now, your mileage may 
vary according to your car's 
condition, equipment, 
y and your driving 
habits. And Cali- 
fornia mileage 
is lower. But 
these are note- 
worthy ratings. 
for a car that 
can do all the 
Omni can do. 
Here's a 
suggestion. 
Visit your 
Dodge Dealer. 
Have him 
wheel out an 
Omni. Take 
it out on the 
freeway.Over a 
bumpy road. We have 
a feeling when you're 
through, you'll be ready to 
buy, or lease. Omnis like 
that. It attracts fans. 


IT DOES ITALL. 


PLAYBOY 


212 


In a class by itself 
The new Koss PROA Triple A. 


Alter we developed the world famous 
PRO/4AA, there was only one way to go. 
And thet was to come out with a stereo- 
phone so much better, that it was ino 
closs by itself. The result is the new Koss 
PRO/4 Triple A. The Triple A's extro 
lorge voice сой and oversize diophrogm 
expond the realm of pure sound with on 
unbelievoble freshness ond life-like 
intensity. And the Triple A's 10 Hz 

to 22 kHz frequency response offers 

a full bandwidth dynamic response 
rarely heord on the finest speckers. 
When you add to cll that the 
Triple A's extra light con- 
struction and comfortable 
Pneumolite* suspension 

duol headbond, you've 

got o stereophone in o 

closs by itself, Just ask 

your Audio Dealer. 

He knows closs. 


ei 
Koss Corp. 


KOSS stereophones 
hearing is believing 


KOSS CORPORATION, 4129 N. Fort Woshington Ave., Milwaukee, WI 53212 
Koss Internotionol/London, Englord * Koss Limited/Ontorio, Солобо. 


GIVE YOUR SOUND SYSTEM A LIFT WITH 


speakerUPPERS 


ADJUSTABLE SPEAKER STANDS 


HOLDS UP 
TO 150 LBS. EACH 


GENUINE HARDWOOD 
WALNUT STAIN 
NO ASSEMBLY NEEDED 


PLASTIC TABS. 
AT SUPPORT POINTS 
PREVENT SCRATCHING 


$19.95 


apair 


A lew inches can make all the difference in the way your speakers sound — sitting on thick 
carpeting can deaden their response. and direct contact with a tile or hardwood flocr can make 
them shrill and sharp, And annoy the downstairs neighbors! SPEAKER-UPPERS lift any size 

speakers seven-inches off the floor, lets them "breathe" and perform to their fullest capacity .. 
WINNER: 1977 DESIGN AND ENGINEERING EXHIBITION, CONSUMER ELECTRONICS SHOW, CHICAGO 


U.S. Patent September 21, 1976 — 3,981,468 


TM IN REAL TREBLE! 1 HAVE NO BASE FOR MY SPEAKERS. QUICK, SEND ME. PAIR(S) OF SPEAKER-UPPERS 
check or money order enclosed. charge to my Г] Mastercharge [C] BankAmericard. 


tard number expiration date signature 


пате 


address 


‘ily Ж state zip 


SpeckenUPPERS ° P.o. вох 698, MALIBU, СА. 90265 (213) 456-3049 ra) 
25328 Malibu Rd.. Malibu, CA 90265 


T used that several times on jobs. 
nywhere, you got a radio, 
oxygen, insulation, food, drink, books, a 
guy on the other end. He even told me 
it didn't matter if it was a choice be- 
tween springing him and geuing the de- 
vices—get the devices. Really, he's beyond 
himself. He doesn’t care what happens to 
his physical body. He's only concerned 
about achieving his goal.” 

The goal, according to Falzone, was to 
be reached this way: “I would use mis- 
direction and deception. 1 could prob- 
ably go onto a SAC base, meet some 
people, force some favors, then fly in a 
cargo plane or roll in the right vehide, 
all with the rightlooking people, and 
hand them some dummy papers, then 
drink a cup of coffee while they load what 
1 want lor me. Military security is gar- 
bage.” (The Pentagon lost $118,000,000 
in gear last year, though it says попе 
was weaponry.) 

Falzone says Sirhan wanted 50 tactical 
udear weapons: specifically, the eight- 
ich howitzer projectile. These are rated 
atas much as 20 kilotons each. The result. 
ing blast and fire from such an explosion 
will extend Irom ground zero at least a 
quarter of a mile in every direction, in- 
flicting about 60 percent human casual- 
ties and nearly 100 percent material 
destruction, under favorable conditions. 
he guns themselves. with a range of 17 
to 20 miles, were lost by the dozens in 
Vietnam and might well be available to 
potentates of the right persuasion. 

Falzone claims Sirhan also wanted fis- 
able material, preferably plutonium, 
Arab scientists could produce war- 
heads in the 200-kiloton range, such as 
iu 
(For the sake of comparison, a one-tenth 
kiloton device could take down one of 
the World Trade Center towers and kill 
everyone within 200 yards, at least.) “I 
П you, he had it all worked out," Е 
zone vowed. The vulnerable points, they 
decided, were plutonium manufacturing 
facilities, such as the one at Richland, 
Washington, or any university reactor 
that uses enriched-uranium fuel and that 
as a result produces plutonium as а by- 
product (there are several). Or а truck 
transporting ordinary fuel rods, Even 
spent fuel rods, which are not themselves 
"rich" enough to produce a bomb, can 
be reprocessed (using a fairly simple 
gascous-liffusion process) to produce 
weapons grade materials. 

Just how would Falzone do this? 
once, he refused to say, fearing that it 
would provide a "blueprint for nuts.” 
The sting would, he confessed, involve 
elaborate paperwork, disguises, an inside 
informant and misdirection operations 
during normal working hours. Falzone 
said he would try to cover the theft with 
paperwork that it 
be discovered for at least a 


ones carried by the Cruise missile. 


wouldn't 
weck, 


so much 


2 


КЭ уэ 
Lge 2% 


Ss 


SS 


213 


“Of course, their programing’s not aimed at us!” 


PLAYBOY 


214 


guaranteeing the conspirators time to get 
the materials out. 

irhan wanted to use a Gulf port. But 
there's too much surveillance there. We 
would have shipped the stuff from Chi- 
cago, where Гуе got friends, and where 
there are a lot of Arabs. In the dummy 
hold of a freighter or Great Lakes tank- 
ст. Sirhan would go on the ship. I was 
supposed to go, too. Or else I'd air- 
freight him to Africa, me riding with the 
passengers above. Then Sirhan said we'd 
go to Qaddafi and tell him the weapons 
were his and that we'd come to help unite 
Africa, and we'd both be heroes.” 

Can we credit this scheme? Is it all a 
hypermacho fantasy spun by a mad Arab 
assassin to while away time in a prison 
where the sun never shines? Is Е: 
merely an adept con man, with $ 
d with us? 

First, we admit that purloin 
clear materials is feasible. During the 
Sixties, Israeli commandos allegedly hi- 
jacked, and Israeli agents smuggled into 
Israel, substantial qua 5 of weapons- 
ade uranium and uranium ore. Recent 
reports estimate that in addition to tacti- 
cal nuclear weapons, the Israelis h; 
many as 15 Jarger-yicld devices. This 
Falzone says, was not lost on Sirhan. 
said he knew the Jews had the bombs 
so the Arabs needed them.” Our Govern- 
ment has just discovered that over 50 
private companies that use nuclear mate- 
rials have discrepancies in their books, 
failures to account for over 1000 tons of 
weapons-grade ingredients. “It's all in 
the paperwork," Falzone had said. In 


1974. though nobody knows what be- 
came of the stuff, the Atomic Energy 
Commission lost enough enriched ura- 
nium to manufacture а bomb. "You 
don't need much,” Falzone said. He's 
right. As little as five kilograms (12 
pounds) would be enough to trigger a 
devastating atomic explosion. In fact, 
AEC once estimated that with S900 
worth of chemical supplies, two dolla 
worth of charts and a four«lollir book, 
all readily available, somcone could con- 
vert ordinary uranium to weapons-grade 
richness. We all remember the Princeton 
student's bomb plan. And not long ago, 
the Carter. Adm tration called for a 
world-wide “nuclear fuel bank," mean- 
ing a strategy for avoiding the transport 
by private companies of [uels that might 
fall prey to hijacker 

Would Qaddafi sanction this improba- 
ble plot? It's impossible to tell. He has 
repeatedly expressed a desire for ad- 
vanced weaponry. “Sirhan said,” Falzone 
reported, “that Qaddafi would suck my 
prick Гог one nuclear weapon, especially 
after the black eye Sadat has given him. 
This inelegant phrase contains a plaus 
ble thought. An intelligence source in 
Washington has been quoted as saying, 
“The bad feelings between Sadat and 
Qaddafi are such that each is interested 
n eliminating the other." It's true that 
a July 1977, Libya and Egypt had a 
December, 
Qaddafi hosted Arafat and other Arab 
hard-liners in an anti-Sadat conference. 
Also last December, the Soviet Union 
agreed to build a nuclear power station 


two-day border war. Last 


1 


"s settled, then. .. … 


We can ball anyone we please, except 
you can’t ball that prissy-assed Mary Thompson and 
1 can't ball that smart-assed 


Bill Fredericks.” 


in Libya, a facility that could reprocess 
stolen materials, or enrich ordinary 
uranium, or put together a basic nuclear 
weapon. And, as we've seen, even the 
smallest nuclear weapon—a mere one 
tenth kiloton—could be a monstrous 
weapon in Qaddafi's hands. 

But isn't this Sirhan-Fakone plot a 
bad dream? The L.A. district. attorney's 
polygraph indicated that Falzone was 
truthful in relating what Sirhan had told 

But couldn't it all be in Sirhan's 
mbled head, despite the fact that 
many people said he was sane, particu- 
larly about the Kennedy assassination? 


One way to check would be to trace 
a positive link between Sirhan and 
Qaddafi. 


We contacted the two field offices 
where Falzone had been interrogated. 
One official told u The investigation is 
ill ongoing, the nature of his allega- 
tions demand that, but so far we have 
been unable to corroborate his story 

The other said, “A lot of people are 
using us for suckers lately. Still, we're 
not going to forget this. The allegation 
lone is serious enough. Personally. 
though, I do believe the guy is bull- 
shitting us. 

In the end, then, we have Falzone's 
word that Sirhan's head is in very strange 
nds. It seems we can believe him about 
that. Even the skeptical FBI affirmed 
that Falzone had passed his lie-detector 
test “with flying colors." The reconstruc- 
tion of the Kennedy assassination rings 
true, as does the assertion that Sirhan 
is a monomaniacal and dangerous Arab 
thizer. As for the plot to steal 
weapons, it may well be the stuff 
1 prison dr le on. Fal- 
zone undoubtedly was close to Sirhan. 
He probably is honestly replaying what 
n told him, what they huddled and 
talked about. 

Falzone did go to the authorities with 
his story, and then came to us. That docs 
not mean, of course, that Sirhan had 
Qaddafi’s support and blessing, except in 
the swampier synapses of his assassi 
brain. Nor does it mean that Falzone was 
thief enough to steal atomic weapons— 
only that he got away with Sirhan's story, 
and so gave us a surprising, even shock- 
ing peck at а man who until now has 
been America's most secretive assa 

Probably it all means we can rela 
far as Falzone and Sirhan are concerned, 
our nuclear weapons are safe. Except, 
as а group of worried. scientists said list 
year, there is no lead-shielded assurance 
that “one more charge, one more gun, 
one more pound of explosive could not 
breach the most sophisticated security 
system.” Or, as Falzone put it, “Those 
crazy fuckers are out there. They'll get 
the bombs anyway, someday. ‘The world 
is lousy with them. And there's no short- 


age of burglars." 


ms are n 


Mhave clinched and closed with the naked North, 
T have learned to defy and defend; Shoulder to 
shoulder we have fought it out—vet the wild 
must win in the end” "Robert Service 


Е ade ча - 
madian Liquors. 
2 s 


TKO 


aC 


“Saw Soft-spoken aff smooth, its 
m hundred-proof potency simmers 
ist below the surface. Straight, on the 
or mixed, YUKON JACK is a breed apart; unlike | 3 
any Canadian liquor you've ever tast E 
S 


бө pe cul à; — 


an MEL UN 
100 Proof Imported Liqueur madewith Blended Canadian Whisky. 


ard 100 Proof Imfórieo and Bottled by Heublein Inc. Haritorz. Conn Sole Agents U SA “©1807 Dodd. Mead’ Co. inc 


{ " 


"Buy ше a Smirnoff and ГЇЇ tell you a story 
...itll leave you breathless? 


YEAR IN MUSIC 


(continued from page 172) 


“Witless entertainment, plus mindless music, sells. 
‘Star Wars’ and ‘Rocky’ proved just how much.” 


doomed to perpetual cult status. 

What's left? A giant gelatinous middle 
ground occupied by music that has more 
in common with the movies and TV 
than with the rock roll and soul that 
spawned it. Blockbusters, for instance. 
The entire motion-picture industry is 
obsessed with them. Movie production 
is down to 120 pictures a year, but hope 
(and crass calculation) is limitless. Jaws 
made $121,000,000 so far. Star Wars 
made over $127,000,000 in 1977 alone. 
Translate that into popular-music terms 
and you have, preeminently, Peter 
Frampton. Frampton Comes Alive sold 
over 13,000,000, 7m in You is still selling, 
and when the Sgt. Pepper movie comcs 
out later this year, the Robert Stigwood 
Organization has a good shot at a 
Blockbuster Movie! With a Blockbuster 
Sound-Track Album! to match Saturday 
Night Fevers, another would-be Bofto 
Вох:Оћсе Blockbuster with a Block- 
buster Sound-Track Album! scored and 
mostly performed by the Blockbusting 
Bee Gees, the true kings of Saturday- 
night disco movie music. 

Leaving the realm of capped teeth 
and perfect tans, there are blockbusters 
that owe their success more to musical 
accomplishment than to Pre-Raphaelite 
good looks. Hardy perennials such as 
Fleetwood Mac, whose LP of the same 
name had spent two years on the charts 
by the end of 77, while Rumours sur- 
passed the all-time record for the num- 
ber of weeks at the top of the charts— 
a record held by, that's right, Frampton 
Comes Alive. Stevie Wonder's Songs in 
the Key of Life generated hit singles and 
rock awards throughout the year and 
was still going strong after 15 months, 
as were Boz Scaggss Silk Degrees, Bos- 
ton (5,800,000 sales for a debut al- 
bum) ELO' А New World Record 
and Heart's Dreamboat Annie (sold 
000,000, as did its second LP, Liitle 
Queen). The Eagles spent 1977, in all 
likelihood, setting ир tax shelters for 
their royalties [rom Hotel California and 
Greatest Hits (16,000,000 combined sales). 

Although none of the above-men- 
tioned artists could be accused of not 
knowing his audience, only a few— 
Frampton, the Bee Gees and that soulless 
clone off the living body of rock known 
as Foreigner—can be termed ouuight 
musical hypes, existing solely because 
of their audience's taste. Passing from 
ve to literal movie music, how- 
5 proportion is drastically re 
versed. Aside from the aforementioned 
Saturday Night Fever, a disco sound 
track to a movie about discos, and You 


Light Up My Life, a oncsong LP from 
a movie concerning the plucky heroine's 
struggle to inflict the pawky title tunc 
upon a cowering nation, there isn’t much 
in the way of music that can stand on 
its own merits, Streisand's A Star Is Born 
LP is, like everything else she's recorded, 
an exercise in hermetic egoism: The 
music is secondary. 

With Car Wash, we have the curious 
phenomenon of the sound track carry- 
ing the movie, which in this case is al 
to the deaf leading the blind. A nasty 
little cartoon set to relentlessly thump- 
ing disco, Car Wash was nevertheless а 
portent: ment, plus 
mindless music, Wars and 
Rocky proved just how much. 
vision, the great cultural Cui: 
art, has known this all along, of course. 
As mainstream rock, country, soul and 
jazz have toned down the distinctive 
musical elements that made them popu- 
lar art forms and are transformed into 
nondenominational entertainment, tele- 
ision has beckoned ever more warmly. 
Eyen discounting the rash of Elvis and 
Bing Crosby movies and specials, there 
was more music on TY last year than 
ever before. First there were the Gram- 
mys, then Don Kirshner put on a 
rockawards show to complement his in 
creasingly hopeless Rock Goncert, while 
Burt Sugarman's Midnight Special spun 


off the Wolfman Jack show and Burt, not 
to be outdone, produced the Billboard 
#1 Award Show. Paul Simon, Bette 
Midler, Paul McCartney and Wings, 
Elton John and Neil Sedaka all had 
specials or filmed concerts, and Rolling 
Stone magazine celebrated its tenth an- 
niversary with a Thanksgiving-weekend 
turkey that should have been called 
Shindig Goes to Las Vegas. Dinah, Mike, 
Merv and Johnny all featured “real” 
musicians in record numbers, while an- 
droids of the Donny and Marie, John 
Davidson, Captain and Tennille ilk con- 
tinued to plague us. When the dust had 
settled, though, the best shows of the 
year were The Amazing Rhythm Aces 
and Jimmy Buffett concerts on Austin 
City Limits; по frills, just fine music. 
The traffic on TV flows both ways, as 
rock fans were painfully reminded each 
time they heard Shaun Cassidy or D; 
Soul. I's in country music, howew 
that TV has had its most insidio 


el- 
fects. Glen Campbell, Mac Davis and 
Roy Clark have become major country 
stars on the basis of their constant. pres- 


ence оп TV and—whai 
tant to their labels—major pop or MOR 
(middle of the road) 5 as well. Even 
so, the best country singers are much too 
real for TV to ever feel comfortable 
with them, or vice versa, the one excep- 
tion being the inimitable Dolly Parton, 
who can make dumb men talk and blind. 
men see. She also totally dominates апу 
setting she’s put in and plays hob with 
the reception, to boot, which may be 
why TV seems just a bit leery of her. 
The one form of popular music able 
to deal with TV on its own terms and 
come out (relatively) ahead is disco— 


more impor- 


mon, baby—you knew I had gargantuan appetites 


when you moved in.” 


215 


PLAYBOY 


216 


wh should е, since disco is a 
musical equivalent of television in the 
first, place. Like TV. disco has an infal- 
lible instinct for the lowest common 
denominato that pounding b 
Adherents claim that any tune or lyric 
can be done in a disco version—the 
more familiar, or inane, the better, since 
it illustrates discos awesome, destruc- 
tive power: It eats anything. This past 
hunting season, we had Disco Гису and 
S.W.A.T. themes from TV, a Caribbean 
disco song called Bionic Man, straight 
from outer space, an update of Come, 
11 Ye Faithful for the holidays and the 
first of what should be a long series of 
disco “learn-while-you-dance” reinterpre- 
tations, Jack and Jill. Not to mention 
Gonna Fly Now and Meco's Wars, 
which sound, respectively, like the themes 
from a TV cop show and a Seventies re- 
ke of Bonanza. And if that's not 
enough, there's Charo's Cuchi-Guchi LP, 
just one of the many things disco and the 
Johnny Carson show have in common. 

Ultimately, disco music and the discos 
themselves embody all the bad traits 
loose in the music industry and general 
culture today. Aside from the dr 
semblyline music, the discothèques rep- 
1 the furthest extension of current 
tende toward rigidly programed 
entertainment for a self-indulgent audi- 
ence that gets exactly what it w 
sound track for its own persona 
rring itself. It also is driving 
out marginal live music clubs and helped 
strike the final blow against soul music. 
Black popular music, as such, no longer 
really exists. In the places of R&B and 
soul, we now have disco and pop, the 
ter encompassing equally Dolly Parton 
and Rose Royce, Kiss and Parliament/ 
Funkadelic, the Commodores and the 
Bee Gees. 

The major result of this ballooning 
of the pop and easy-listening rock cate- 
gories has been the drift in that direction. 
of most of the numerous female rock and. 
soul singers, joined by a few of the 
younger, more ambitious country ladies. 
Crystal Gayle's (Loretta Lynn's younger 
sister) big single was second only to Deb- 
by Boone’s on the charts for weeks, and 
Dolly Parton’s switch to a more pop- 
oriented approach finally paid off as 
the title tune from her Here You Come 
Again LP simultancously topped the 
country charts while climbing into 
the top ten on the pop charts—appropri- 
ately enough, just in time for Christmas. 
Ronstadv’s singles and Simple 
Dreams album took up what appeared to 
be permanent residence in both country 
and pop. Emmylou Harris’ То Daddy 
did the same on a more modest scale, as 
alie Cole, Thelma Houston and Mary 
Macgregor were the strongest. finishers 
ош of at least a dozen black female vocal- 
ists and groups to place high in the pop as 
well as soul charts during 1977. Add to 


War 


movie st 


this sorority Karla Bonoff, Carole Bayer 
Sager, Maria Mul Carly Simon, 
Bette Midler, Jennifer Warnes, Melissa 
Manchester, Bon: Rait and God 
knows who else, and you have the largest 
contingent of female singers swelling the 
pop ranks since the Patti Page era of 
post-World War Two pop. 

Jazz, too, has been experiencing this 
expansion of the musical middle ground, 
pled with the resurgence of interest 
nd recordings of) the classic jazz of 
the Forties and Fifties—music that was 
driven underground by the ascendancy 
of rock during the Sixties, The renewed 
activity of wuly great musicians such as 
saxophonists Dexter Gordon and Sonny 
Rollins and pianists Cecil Taylor, Mc- 
Coy Tyner and Randy Weston served as 
а welcome antidote to the mélange of 
л, R&B and jazz/rock riffs that 
characterize the music of George Benson, 
Les McCann, Lonnie Liston Smith, Jan 
Hammer, Eric Gale, et al. Then again, it 
was hard to get too exeited about the 
latest from Grover Washington, Jr. or 
Bob James, when one could pick through 
the deluge of reissues and try manfully 
10 choose, say, between the Lester Young / 
Billi Holiday sessions on the three-vol- 
ume Lester Young Siory and some prime 
Bud Powell or Fats Navarro or Char 
Parker at Birdland. 

Most of the major labels went in for 
jazz repackaging with such fury in 1977 
at times it seemed to be асе 10 see. 
which company could empty its vaults 
first. Prestige / Milestone/ Stax, 
however, finished the year with the best 
mixture of classic and current, with such 
highlights as the first American release of 
Cecil Taylor's landmark The Great Con- 
cert (recorded. in Paris in 1969), McCoy 
Tyner's Supertrios and Ron "s Pi 
colo. Mantred Kichers ECM label (dis- 
tributed here by Polydor) continued to 
turn out beautifully recorded albums by 
some of the best younger musicians, such 
as Keith Jarrett, Gary Peacock, Jan G 
bareck, Paul Моца ck DeJohnette, 
Paul Bley and Ralph Towner, to name 
just а few. 

Being on the fringe of the music indu: 
‚ and of popular taste in general, has 
n 
at least 15 years, but it's a relatively new 
xperience lor lans of genuine rock, soul 
- In the past, there was 
ways a profit to be made in catering to 
1 and regional tastes, 
ajor or small, specialized 
labels. The small labels are gone, though, 
and the growth of a nationwide amor. 
phous audience aged 14 to 44 has made 
the limited groups to which those labels 
catered superfluous to the 
glomerates. 

Morcov: s unlikely this situation 
will soon change: The parallels to the 
movies re too strong. 
, there's one crucial difference, The 


usical con- 


ision 


record. industrv, for all its growing so. 
phistication and marketing acumen, can 
never totally predict, much less control. 
the music that someone decides to tapc 
in his own basement or record in some 
cheap studio. It's as simple and as impos. 
sible as that. 

And to those who remember, or can 
just imagine the excitement and the ab- 
solute shit storm of righteous indigna 
tion Elvis Presley caused when he first 
hit the airwaves, the latest attempts to 
ve rock "n' roll from its own succ 
especially punk/New Wave—have 
cerily symmetrical logic, com 
y 


an 


ay ad мый at his mu 


was, pick up tlie sound track of his 1968 


TV special, and then go back to the 
source: The Sun Sessions trom 1954. And 
remember: Good music doesn't get 


older—it just gets better, 

Which brings us to the part you p 
vide—the voting results. We thank those 
of you who voted, even the ones who did 
so in crayon or spaghetti sauce: and, as 
always, we remind you that these are your 
results. If they make you want to scream 

‚ and you didn’t vote, 


and tear your hi 


well, tou; 
will 
send it in—using, of course, att 


dark spaghetti s 


uce. Here we go а 


RECORDS OF THE YEAR 

BEST POP/ROCK Lb: Rumours / Fleetwood 
Mac (Warner Bros). Alter starting olf ten 
years ago as hard-edged British blues 
rockers, and many changes (very much 
including the addition of Stevie Nicks). 
leetwood M has mellowed without 
going soft, which may be why the Big 
Мас appeals to everyone from teeny- 
boppers to relies in their 30s. 

BEST RHYTHM-AND-BLUES LP: Songs in the 
Key of Life / Stevie Wonder (Tamla). As Lar 
as we remember, it’s a first—this albu 
won in this category last year and quite 
clearly has jus kept on going, 

BEST COUNTRY-AND-WESTERN LP: Simple 
Dreams / Linda Ronstadt (Asylum). Linda did 
it this time with a new album, but, just 
ist year, our readers voted no fewer 
three of her albums into the top 90. 

BEST JAZZ LP: Heavy Weather / Weather 
Report (Columbia). George Benson almost 
xl here with Breezin’, but Zawinul 
< Co.'s crowd of Miles Davis 
ly stormed over Benson's 


milder weather, 


BEST POP/ROCK LP. 


1. Rumours / Fleetwood Mac (Warner Bros.) 

Hotel California | Eagles (Asylum) 

Boston (Epic) 

1. Aja | Steely Dan (ABC) 

5. Works Volume 1 | Emerson, Lak. 
and Palmer (Atlantic) 

6. The Pretender | Jackson Browne 
(Asylum) 

7. Crosby, Stills & Nash (Atlantio) 


The first cassette deck 


that can find selections automatically 


Now there's a cassette deck that 
plays it your way 

The Optonica" RT: 
Mark IL Its the first cassette 
deck with APLD. the Automatic 
Program Locating Device that lets 
you select the songs you want to 
hear automatically. instead of 
manually searching for each cut. 

But that's not all. 

This Optonica cassette deck 
also has the kind of specifications 
that will impress the most dedicated 
audiophile. 

The high quality tape transport 
features a 2-motor drive system; and 
a precision FOIE capstan shaft. 
Which results in а wow and flutter of 


an amazingly low 0.04%. Compare 
that figure with other top of the line 
cassette decks and you'll see why 
Optonica can honestly the 
К1-3535 Mark HI. The Optimum. 

A built-in Dolby* System means 
you won't have to worry about hiss 
and noise ruining the performance of 
your tapes. And the ultra-hard 
Permatloy heads mean you'll have 
greatly improved frequency response. 
especially in the high range 

We invite you to test the Optimum 
cassette deck at one of the select 
audio dealers now carrying the full 
line of Optonica stereo components. 
Call toll-free, 800-447-4700 day or 
night (in Illinois dial 1-800-322-4400) 


for the name and address of 
your nearest Optonica showroom. 
where you can see the complete 
Optonica line and pick up your free 
сору of our catalog. Or for further 
information, write Optonica, Dept. 
PLA. 10 Keystone Place, Paramus, 
New Jersey 07652. 
From our cassette deck that 
finds selections automatically to our 
unique turntable built on granite. 
find out why throughout Europe and 
Japan. Optónica is one of the fastest 
selling lines of stereo components on 
the market tod. 


ОРТОМІСА |тнЕ oPrIMUM. 


"Dolby san 


Jemark of Dolby Laboratories. 


217 


everywhere. 


Weeds are popping up in 3 exciting styles 

and 6 smart colors, all with a cushiony-soft 

inner sole for added comfort. So why not 
pop into a pair today. 


ECC 


FROM FLORSHEIM 


Available at participating dealers. 


5 
А 


8. 
ЧА 


. Alive I | Kiss (Са 


Going for the One | Yes (Atlantic) 
Simple Dreams | Linda Ronstadt 
(Asylum) 


- Book of Dreams | Steve Miller (Capi- 


tol) 


- Chicago ХІ (Columbia) 
2. Animals | Pink Floyd (Columbia) 
. Love You Live | The Rolling Stones 


(Atk 


піс) 


. Wings over America | Wings (Capi- 


tol) 


. The Song Remains the Same | Led 


Zeppelin (Swan Song) 
blanca) 

Silk Degrees | Boz Scaggs (Columbia) 
Barry Manilow Live (Arista) 


- JT | James Taylor (Columbia) 


A New World Record | Electric Light 
Orchestra (Jet) 


BEST RHYTHM-AND-BLUES LP 


- Songs in the Key of Life / Stevie Wonder 


(Tamla) 


. Commodores (Motown) 
- Hreezim' | George Benson (Warner 


Bros) 


- Exodus | Bob Marley and the Wailers 


(Island) 


. Silk Degrees | Boz Scaggs (Columbia) 
. In Flight | George Benson (Warner 


it | Earth, Wind & Fire (Co- 


lumbia) 


- Go for Your Guns | Isley Brothers 


(T-Neck) 

Benny & Us | Average White Band 
and Ben E. King (Atlantic) 

Hard Again | Muddy Waters (Blue 
Sky) 


- Person to Person | Average White 


Band (Au 


- Unpredictable | Natalie Cole (Capi- 


tol) 


. Gratitude | Earth, Wind & Fire (Co- 


lumbia) 


. Rumours | Fleetwood Mac (Warner 


Bros) 


15. Baby H's Me | Diana Ross (Motown) 
6. Right on Time | Brothers Johnson 


(АЖ M) 


. Ask Rufus | Rufus Featuring Chaka 


Khan (ABC) 


- Platinum Jazz | War (Blue Note) 
- Never Letting Go | Phocbe Snow 


(Columbi: 


20. Earth, Wind & Fire (Warner Bros.) 
. Livin’ on the Fault Line | The Doo- 


bie Brothers (Warner Bros.) 


WEST COUNTRY-AND-WESTERN LP. 


|. Simple Dreams / Linde Ronstadt (Asylum) 
. ОГ Waylon | 


Waylon Jennings 
(RCA) 

Luxury Liner | Emmylou Harris 
(Warner Bros.) 

Changes in Latitudes, Changes in 
Attitudes | Jimmy Buffett (ABC) 


. Hasten Down the Wind | Linda Ron- 


stadt (Asylum) 


. Linda Ronstadt’s Greatest Hits (Asy- 


lum) 


7. We Must Believe in Magic | Crystal 


Gayle (U. 
8. Olivia N 
(MCA) 
9. Summertime Dream | Gordon Light- 
foot (Reprise) 

10. Southern Nights | Glen Campbell 
(Capitol) 

1. Making a Good Thing Better | Olivia 
Newton-John (MCA) 

12. Carolina Dreams | Marshall Tucker 
Band (Capricorn) 

12. John Denver's Greatest Hits (RCA) 

М. Here You Come Again | Dolly Parton 


ited Artists) 
wton-John’s Greatest. Hits 


ie Milsap Live (RCA) 

- To Lefty from Willie | Willie Nelson 
(Columbia) 

17. New Harvest . . . First Gathering | 
Dolly Parton (RCA) 

18. 4 Man Must Carry On. | Jerry Jeff 
Walker (MCA) 

19. Waylon Live | Waylon Jennings 
(RGA) 

20. The Outlaws (RCA) 


BEST JAZZ LP 

1. Heovy Weather / Weather Report (Co- 
lumbic) 

2. Breezin’ | George Benson (W 

Bros.) 

/5.О.Р. | Herbie Hancock (Co- 
lumbia) 

4. In Flight | George Benson (Warner 
Bros.) 

5. Jel] Beck with the Jan Hammer 
Group Live (Epic) 

6. Streisand. Superman | Barbra Strci- 
sand (Columbia) 

7. Conquistador | Maynard Ferguson 
(Columbia) 

8. Musicmagic | Return to Forever (Co- 
lumbia) 

9. Main Squeeze | Chuck Mangione 
(A& M) 

10. Elegant Gypsy | AL DiMeola (Co- 
lumbia) 

11. Feels So Good | Chuck Mangione 
(А & M) 

12. School Days | Stanley Clarke (Nem- 
peror) 

13, Return to Forever | Chick Corea with 

urn to Forever (ECM) 

!—Look to the Rainbow | Al 
Jarreau (Warner Bros. 

15. Wired / Jeff Beck (Epic) 

16. Enigmatic Ocean | Jean-Luc Ponty 
(Atlantic) 

17. Free as the Wind | The Crusaders 
(ABC) 

18. BJ 4 | Bob James (CTI) 

19. Aja | Steely Dan (ABC) 

20. Imaginary Voyage | Jean-Luc Ponty 
(Atlantic) 


MUSIC HALL OF FAME 

This was definitely the year of la Ron- 
stadt. Winning in several categories, with 
ite top 20 and 
ingles on the charts, 
she was no surprise as this year’s new 
entry to the Hall of Fame. 

Not far behind her is the man who 


er 


WHY MOST CRITICS USE 
MAXELL TAPE TO EVALUATE 
TAPE RECORDERS. 


Any critic who wants to 
do a completely fair and 
impartial test of a tape re- 
corder is very fussy about 
the tape he uses. 

Because a flawed tape 
can lead to some very mis- 
leading results. 

A tape that can't cover 
the full audio spectrum 
can keep a recorder from 
ever reaching its full 
potential. 

A tape thats noisy 
makes it hard to measure 
how quiet the recorder is. 

A tape that doesn't 
have a wide enough bias 
latitude can make you 
question the bias settings. 


And a tape that doesn't 
sound consistently the 
same, from end to end, 
from tape to tape, can 
make you question the 
stability of the electronics. 

If a cassette or 8-track 
jams, it can suggest some 
nasty, but erroneous com- 
ments about the drive 
mechanism. 

And if a cassette or 
8-track introduces wow 
and flutter, its apt to pro- 
duce some test results that 
anyone can argue with. 

Fortunately, we test 
Maxell cassette, 8-track and 
reel-to-reel tape to make 
sure it doesn't have the 


MAXELL THE ТАРЕ THAT'S TOO GOOD FOR MOST EQUIPMENT. 


Maxell Corporation af America, 130 West Commercial Ave., Moonochie, N.J. 07074 


maxell.35-90 | 
3590. 


problems that plague other 
tapes. 

So its not surprising that 
most critics end up with our 
tape in their tape recorders. 

Its one way to guaran- 
tee the equipment will get 
a fair hearing. 


PLAYBOY 


taught a generation of musidans how 
to croon into newfangled electric micro- 
phones, traveled funny roads around the 
world with Bob Hope and moved a 
mountain of orange juice—the late Bing 
Crosby. Remaining in a high holding pat- 
tern at number three for the second 
straight year is Neil Diamond, and Jimmy 
Page repeats at number four. 

The top 20 goes like this: 

1. Linda Ronstadt 

2. Bing Crosby 

3. Neil Diamond 

1. Jimmy Page 
5. Barbra Streisand 
6. Peter Townshend 
7. Pauls 
8. Ronnie Van Zandt 
9. Neil Young 

nerson 


] Taylor 
Maynard Ferguson 
15. Peter Frampton 
17. George Benson 
18. Rod Stewart. 

19. Ian Anderson 

19. Joni Mitchell 


READERS' POLL 


With a few bright new exceptions, our 
readers stuck mainly with old favorites. 
ners were repeats and some 
for the third straight year—a 
reflection of their popularity and talent, 
certainly, but also of the creeping con- 
servatism in the music industry. 

The news in the Pop/Rock category is 
that James Taylor. on the strength of JT, 
jumped from ninth last year to top male 
vocalist. Lovely Linda did it again as fe- 
male vocalist, but Fleetwood Mac's delec- 
ks came from nowhere 
into the number-two slot. Peter Frampton 


was again top guitarist, followed hot by 
the catscratch fever of Ted Nugent, who 
was up to number six from number 18 a 
year ago. On drums, the perennial top 
three kept slugging it out; notable new 
additions were Kiss's Peter Criss and ex— 
Band member Levon Helm. Paul McCart- 
cy remained settled in on top in the bass 
category, as did Stevie Wonder as com- 
poser and Fleetwood Mac as best group. 
New to the list of favorite groups from 
last year were Crosby, Stills & Nash; Bos- 
ton: Heart; Steve Miller Band; Santana: 
Kansas; and Bob Seger & the Silver Bul- 
Jett Band. The bullet goes to Kiss, up ten 
notches from number 19 to number nine. 
Not much new was happening in the 
B sector, either. Stevie Wonder did it 
as male vocalist and composer; Nat- 
alie Cole nudged Phocbe Snow from top 
female vocalist, up from second last years 
and Earth, Wind & Fire and the Average 
White Band were again one and two as 
favorite group. Big news here was the 
sudden appearance of the Commodores 
as number three. 
In Jazz almost all the winners were 
doing it one more time. George Benson 
was up from number 14 to take male- 
vocalist honors away from Lou Rawls; 
and Је Beck, having great crossover suc- 
cess, was voted b агы. Otherwise, 
it was mostly bi п 
Counuy-and-Western stock also held 
steady—even steadier than most. In 
every category, at least the top two fin- 
ished exactly as they did last year. The 
only notable new faces, one not so new. 
were Crystal Gayle (who beat out her 
more famous sister, Loretta Lynn, in the 


R$ 


ley, who at last. 
picker list at number 20 for his fine tradi- 
tional bluegrass banjo playing. 

Here are the final kets for "77's 
musicians’ stock 


1978 PLAYBOY MUSIC POLL RESULTS 


POP/ROCK 
MALE VOCALIST 
Jomes Taylor 
Neil Diamond 
Rod Stewart 
- Paul McCartney 
Robert Plant 
Jackson Browne 
Elton John. 
Simon 
mv Buffett 


. Bruce Springsteen. 

Roger Daltrey 
аггу Chapin 

ick J; 


Barry 
Bob Dsla 

Robert Patmer 

Leon Russell 


FEMALE VOCALIST 

1. Linda Ronstadt 
Stevie Nicks 

Barbra Streisand 

Olivia Newton-John 

Joni Mitchell 
ely Simon 

= Christine McVie 
Bonnie Rait 

Donna Summer 
ate Slick 

Phocbe Snow 

Tudy Collins 

Annie Wilson 

Carole King. 

Bette Midler 

| Melissa Manchester 


SERRZESes. 


ёт 


aren Carpenter 
CUI AR 


Jimmy Р 
Carlos Santana 
ТАГ Beck 


Boe Scaggs 

Loc Walsh 

; José Feliciano: 
George Han 


ЕЕ 


Stephen St 
Chuck Berr 
Steve He 


- ра 

6. Peter Townshend 
7. Koy Buchanan 
Cat Stevens 

j. Robin Trower 

- Jerry Garcia 

KEYBOARDS 


Keith Emerson 
M 


Gary Wright. 

- Milly Preston 

7. Jackson Browne 
Leon Russell 

Gregg Allman 

I. Nicky Hopkins 
Brian Auger 

Isaac Hayes 
ndrew Gold 


Hill Bruford 
Aynsley Dunbar 

- Jat Johanny Johanson 
Till Kreuzmann 

2 Peter Criss 

Jim Capaldi 

. Bobby Colomby. 

30. Levon Helm 

1. Poul McCartney 

Z Greg Lake 

3. John Paul Jones 
1 

6. 


| Peter Cete 
John Entwistle 
Jack Вг 


Bill Wyman 
Klaus Voormann 
j. Lee Sklar 
Jack Casad 


Dunn 


COMPOSER 
Wender 
iamond 
Elton John-Meri 


ic Taupin 


her Bullet Band 
RHYTHM-AND-BLUES 


MALE VOCALIST 


Barry White 
] AL Green. 
Siy Stone _ 
су Robinson 
Ball Wuhers 


Hobby В] 
Johnnie Taylor 


Hilly Pau 
Joe Simon, 


П or 
1 cr Phillips 
15. Melba Moore 
16. Donna 
Joan Ai 
Thelma Houston 


Bob Marley 
Isaac Hayes 
Smokey Robinson 


James Brown. 
2. Nicholas 
. lobby Womack 


shiord-Valerie Simpson 


Johnny В! 
Thom Bel 
Norman Whitfield 
Willie Hutch 
- Eugene McDanicls 
- Frank Wilson 
Bobby Eli 


stol 


Eorth, Wind & 
Average White Band 
Commodores 
War 
тает еше М. 
: Gladys Knight & the Pips 
Isley Brothers 


llers. 


Rufus 
© Ohio Players 
Temptal 


Floaters 
|. O'Jays 


JAZZ 


MALE VOCALIST 


- Sammy Davis. 
Johnny M. 


ony Bennett 
ase Allison 


$ Witherspoon 
Jon Hendricks 

Billy Eckstine 

Leon ‘Thomas 

Grady Tate 

Johnny Hartm: 


FEMALE VocALIsT: 


Mangione 
Alpert 
rd Ferguso 


& Dizzy Gillespie 
9. Donald Byrd 
Randy Brecker 

J. Johnson 
Jon Faddis 

1. Wayne Henderson 
1; Bine Mitchell 


Thad Joncs 


WOODWINDS 
Edgar Winter 
П с 


- Junior Walker 
Hubert Laws 


ушы Lateef 
bi Humphive 
Eddie H; d 


REYHOARDS: 
л. Chick Corea 
2. Herbie Hancock 


Jan 

Ramsey L 

ith Jarrett 
Davis 


ious Mo 
Patha” Hi 


y Burt 
. Roy Ayers 
derwood 


Kenny 
Philip Оре 


Bucky 
/ Melvin, 


їз. Job Haggart 

T Eaton 

arisen 

PERCUSSION 
Buddy Rich 

Billy Cobha 
Lenny 


20. Jimmy 


Jimmy Cobb 
e Morello 
j. Art Blakey 


. Мах Козе 
Willie Bobo. 


1. Chick Corea 


2 Bob James 
1E Joc Zawinul 
13. Eumir Deodato 

14: Antonio Carlos Jobin 
15. Mose Allison 


Jackson 


everimen 
n to Forever 
4. Maynard Ferguson 
Chuck Mangione 
"Tom Scott S the LA. Express 
7. Sergio Mendes & Brasil ‘77 
B Ray Charles 
10. 


- John McLaughlin 
Miles E 

Larry Coryell & the 
Eleventh House 


COUNTRY-AND-WESTERN 


MALE VOCALIST 


Jennings 
ristolerson. 


: Ronnie Mekap 
. Jerry Jeff. Walker 


. Charley 
Charlie Rich 
Merle Haggard 
Jerry Reed 
j. Freddie Fender 
Jen 
Kenny Roga 
Ray xev 
Roger Miller 


Dolly 
3. Crystal Gayle. 
Emmylou. Harris 
i. Judy Colli 
Barbi Benton 
Jessi Colter 
Anne Murray 
: Loretta Lynn 
Tanya Tucker 
> Mary Кау Place 
Mary MacGrego 
. Tammy Wynette 
асу Хеһоп 
Donna Fargo 
- Barbara Mandrell 
enda Lee 
тише C. Riley 


Roy Clark 
Leo Kottke 
Atkins 
d MEES 
Jerry Reed 
Javid Bromberg 
- Ry Cooder 
Doc Watson. 
Vassar Clements 
0. John Hartford 
V. Lester Flatt 
3. Somny James 
. Charlie McCoy 
- John F 


pyd Green. 

rly Ray Cline. 

|. Ralph Stanley 
composer 

1. Gordon Lightfoot 

У. John Denver 

З. Kris Kristofferson 

П 


Jolin Hartford 
Rorer Miller 

Shel Silverstein 
Linda Hargrove 
Johnny Rodriguez 


221 


PLAYBOY 


222 


PLAYBOY INTERVIEW (continued from page 92) 


“A dozen years from now, I might want to be prime 
minister or I might be running a leper colony.” 


marriage as an eternal institution, you 
know. 

PLAYBOY: Is it possible for a woman to 
carry on a successful relationship with 
you if she isn't addicted to airplanes? 
FROST: Any woman who suffers from 
travel sickness, I think, is out as far as 
Fm concerned. Obviously, the stresses 
of travel have to be negligible as far as 
the ladies in my life are concerned. But 
that doesn't mean they have to go on 
every trip I make. If I go off on a light 
ning, whistle-stop tour of four cities, it 
wouldn't be very enjoyable for somcone 
g along, so | probably wouldn't 
suggest she come along, because it 
wouldn't be much fun for her. But, on 
the other hand, if one’s going to Austra- 
for two weeks, that’s a very enjoyable 
trip. And so that works out fine. 

PLAYBOY: Does all this hard living and 
hard working have a purpose? Do you 
have any concrete goals above and be- 
yond immersing yourself in your own 
constantly rising media mix? 

Frost: There's a phrase that Robert 


Kennedy used in the interview I did 
with him about making a contribution 
that I think is a very good phrase, be- 
cause it’s terribly difficult to answer your 
question without sounding officious or 
pompous or whatever. But 1 think the 
phrase making a contribution pictures 
it at the right sort of level, in the sense 
at it's a phrase that pictures it modest- 
ly but can mean a lot without having to 
ау а lot. God, I don't know how to put 
other than saying, in my case, I hope 
it's making some sort of contribution in 
terms of awareness or information or 


understanding. Also, one of the most 
satislying things I've ever found to do 
with my life is to give other people 
some of the opportunities Гус had, 
people who've been said no to in terms 
of doi 


g the thing they believe in. I 
writing the thing they believe in, 
performing the thing they believe in. 
a whole of humor in 
England that I was able to help make 
happen simply because I took the re- 
of giving those people their 


“But Gwendoline, I only said Га read the Kama Sutra; 
1 didn't say Га remembered it.” 


own shows and took the blame if they 
were wrong. They've gone on to great 
success, and it would be too much to 
say that it gave one a greater pleasure 
than doing it oneself, because that would 
be exaggerating, but it gave one as much 
pleasure, really. You know, I've been 
very fortunate. Гуе had a lot of oppor- 
tunities and Гуе tried to seize them with 
both hands, but without a bit of luck, 
probably nobody can make that advance. 
Now, І don't think there are a lot of 
unsung Tennessee Williamses or unsung 
Mort Sahls or unsung whoever else one 
cares to name around the world. But I 
think there are some people who haven't 
been given the opportunity they ought 
to have been given. And anything one 
can do in that area gives one enormous 
pleasure. 

PLAYBOY: Do you find yourself moving 
more and more in that direction—hav- 
ing been a performer and suddenly 
enjoying your role as a producer? 

FROST: | do enjoy it enormously, but 
1 really like getting my teeth into 
any things. Sitting down and really 
working on the Nixon book was а 
extraordinarily satisfying exper 
Гуе always wanted to do more wi 
and I haven't yet found the time for it. 
I've wanted to write about the Dutch Re- 
sistance for the past 15 years. Now, Т 
doubt I will ever get around to that, but 
i, because I'm a great believer in 
the reverse of Parkinson's Law; Parkin- 
son's Law is that thing about your job 


I think your time expands to 
to cram in as many things a c suf- 
ficiendy determined to cram in. I look 
at the number of things I do now 
1 know Fm doing more things tha 
did five years ago, so 1 have found t 
for the extra things, you know. I think 
it's a question of determination, It's also 
a question of adrenaline, for if some- 
thing you do really excites you, you can 
find the time and cnergy to do it. 
PLAYBOY: But you really have no idea 
five or ten years down the road—what 
will excite you? 

Frost. No, I haven't. 1 mean, I know it’s 
new challenges and new frontiers and 
new opportunitics, obviously, but what 
they will be—no. I don't proceed with 
a carefully mapped-out longterm plan 
However, I can discern in my conduct 
a number of sort of overriding princi- 
ples of things I do and things I don't do. 
I don't do things that I don't believe in, 
because I know that, one, 1 wouldn't do 
them well and, two, they wouldn't give 
me the pleasure and adrenaline I'd 
need from them. So I don't know what 
I'll be doing a dozen years from now. 
At the age of 50, I might want to be 
prime minister or I might be running a 
leper colony. I have no idea, but I'm 
keeping every option open. 


yo 


eho can 


SM Subscribe. today! 
—— M eom 


дег, Colorado. 80302 


off $25: 
н $75.00 sin! 
ayment enclosed- 


PLAYBOY 


Adventurous lovers 
are talking about... 


NEW WAYS TO PLEASE ONE ANOTHER 
FROM THE PRIVATE LIVES COLLECTION 


SPECIAL PLEASURES with dual-speed 
vibrator systems . . . Delicious-tasting massage 
oils for body feasts. . . Anew. erotic attachment 
for electric vibrators . . . Exciting techniques for 
personal satisfaction. . .Apassion pillow for the 
twool you. . . And lots more X-Rated gifts from 
their quality merchandise catalog! 


TURN HER ON with a vibrator that will have 
her begging for more. Sensory Research Corp., 
leaders in the field of sensory delights, brings 
you this stimulating Vibrator System. Unique 
design of the Special Stimulator, combined with 
its dual-intensity feature, guarantees greater 
heights of fulfillment with arousal so intense that 
‘women experience sensations beyond their 
wildest fantasies. Four additional attachments 
awaken every part of the body. Exclusive, illus- 
trated booklet describes uses for uncensored 
enjoyment, Nothing to insert. UL approved. 
Uses any electric outlet. #103A, Prelude 3, 
$29.95, ($1.50) 


A NEW SOURCE OF PERSONAL PLEA- 
SURE comes to you with this slim, 5" long. 
special attachment for your Prelude Vibrator 
‘System. Extend the secret delights of erotic еп- 
joyment as Prelude's dual-intensity vibrations 
penetrate its entire length. When you add this 
attachment to any Prelude-type vibrator, you're 
guaranteed a whole new experience in sexual 
satisfaction. #130, Inner Magic, $7.50, (.35) 


TAKE THAT EXTRA STEP TO TOTAL FUL- 
FILLMENT with the most pleasurable addition 
to any electric vibrator. It works like a light dim- 
mer to let you choose the degree of intensity 
that's best for your moods, your body, your 
ultimate enjoyment. Every woman has special 
needs, and this pleasing little unit creates an 
environment that is totally compatible to her 
every desire. #104A, Dial Your Pleasure, 
$14.95, ($L) 


SELF PLEASURE/A WOMAN'S HAND- 
BOOK. For centuries, the erotic joys of per- 
sonal pleasuring have been selfishly kept from 
women, Learn exciting techniques, positions, 
fantasies, sex toys and other temptations in this 
uncensored handbook written especially for 
arousing women. Words and drawings portray 
the intimate secrets of self-pleasuring that every 
person should know. . . and share. #308A, 
Handbook, $4.50, (50) 


ADD MAGIC TO YOUR NIGHTS with this 
dual-speed, electric vibrator conceived for all- 
cover body delights. Slim design gives a feather 
light touch to relax. . . stimulate. . . and 
arouse. Made by Hitachi, i's assured to bringa 
passion to your pleasuring. #111, Magic Wand, 
$28., ($1.50) 


A MASSAGER FOR EVERY NEED. Finally, 
a full-sized, cordless vibrator with four deluxe 
attachments to stimulate and satisfy every 
erogenous zone. Guaranteed to arouse you to 
wonderful new pleasures. Two C Cell batteries 
ind. #116, Pleasurer, $14.98, ($1.15) 


EXCITE YOUR DARING SENSE OF 
TASTE and tum every massage into an erotic 
feast with 5 tantalizing flavors of 100% safe and 
completely edible massage oil. Banana 
(#438), Champagne (#439), Raspberry 
(#440), Cherry (#441), Chocolate Mint 
(#442), $4.95 ea., (40). #443, The Lickable 
Set, $19.75, ($1.25) 


HEIGHTEN YOUR PLEASURE with this in- 
flatable cushion that can make the anatomical 
difference to sensitive lovemaking, Washable 
satin cover soothes and enhances the senses. 
312A, Pleasure Pillow, $8.95, (.50) 


© 1978 Sensory Research Corporation, 
5 Lawrence Street, Bloomfeld, N.J. 07003 


0123456780 
X X 


Would You 


Believe 


The World" 


7 
Pictured In Actual Size: 4" 
Wt.: 2672 oz. Fits In The Palm Of Your 
Hand! Ideal For An Office, Home, In Bed, 


FirstPocket T.V. 


On Vacation & Business Trips, In 
Your Car, Boat, Camper, Plane 
Overseas Trips. Looks & Carries 
Like a Calculator 


e Designed and Manufactured In England by Sinclair e "Multiple 
Standard Reception" Works In USA, UK, and Europe! e Exception- 
ally Brilliant, High Resolution Reception • Completely Self- 
Contained: Built-In Antenna, RECHARGEABLE BATTERIES, AC 
ADAPTOR, AND Cigarette Lighter AUTO PLUG 


Even these Photographs Can't Fully Emphasize 
The Unique “Hand-Held” Pocket-Size Format 
of the Sinclair “MicroVisions”. You simply have 
to experience the amazement of watching the 
newson a 26/4 ог. TV resting in the palm of your 
hand! Yet it is a High-Precision black and white 
Т.У. Receiver (made 100% in England by 
Conscientous Professionals), and more 


This T.V. Works Anywhere In The World. Wher- 
ever you go, if there's a TV Signal, Only the 
"MicroVision" Will Almost Certainly Pick It Up, 
Due to Its Sophisticated, Multiple-Standard 
Reception System. Its High-Performance, Min- 
iature 2” diagonal screen gives you an exception 
ally sharp, brilliant picture of incredible detail. 
Ata distance of 1 foot, the picture is of equivalent 
size and brilliance to that of compact portables 
ata distance of 6 feet, or to that of 25” models at 
12 feet! The Built-In Loudspeaker gives superb 
sound also. 


As InThe Finest Cameras and Watches, Quality 
Performance Is As Important As Size. The 
"MicroVision" has a uniquely high specification. 
VHF and UHF Tuners are as sensitive as they 
can be .. . Delayed Automatic Gain Control 
Continuous Tuning . . . Automatic Frequency 
Control . ... Features Seldom Found in the most 
expensive b/w sets! 


Important Technical Specifications (Please 
Read): «Rugged Construction Includes Tough, 
Steel Case, Solid-State Circuitry Throughout 
= Picture Tube is Carefully Protected and Snugly 
Embedded —Sate & Strong (Perfectly Safe In 
The Mail or Packed In A Suitcase) «12 Month 
Manufacturer s Replacement or Repair Warranty 

Fast, Efficient U.S. Service Facility «Push- 
Button Selection For US, UK, or European Trans- 
missions «Push-Button UHF/VHF «Separate 
Brightness, Contrast, Line-Hold and Frame-Hold 
Controls Vision is High Linearity e Delayed 
АСС, AFC «Built-In, Powerful Signal Aerials 
{telescopic for VHF, Loop for UHF) «Power: 
Includes 4 Standard Batteries, Rechargeable 
Batteries, 12V Car Battery Converter Plug, AC 
Adaptor/Recharger Carrying Case & Ear 
phone 


Call Toll-Free: 1-800-528-6050 Ext. 
1041. Ariz. Res. Call Collect 602-955- 


Order Form (РІ 

for deliveries) Please ship inclair Micro- 

Vision Television Receivers) plus all accessories @ 

$395 (plus $5 shipping and insurance) each. If not 

Satisfied I may return it within two weeks of receipt 

for an immediate refund 

CI Check or M.O. Enclosed (Calif. Res. Add 6% 

Sales Tax) 

CI Charge My Credit Card Number: 

O BankAmericard/Visa O Master Charge 
(Interbank #— 

O Diners Club 


CI American Express 
Ci Carte Blanche 


Credit Card в —E»p 
Name 


Address 
City/State/Zip 


Signature 


Starshine Group. - 


Dept. $-230, 924 Anacapa St., Santa Barbara, 
CA 93101 
1977 


Starshine inc. 


Revolutionary New SIGHT- ALIGNMENT 

PUTTER: Makes Any Putt (Under 9 feet] A 

One-Putt Cinch! It’s 100% guaranteed or 

your Money Back. Pick up easy bets as 

you sink Putt after Putt with deadly 
accuracy. 

The First Mechanical Design Patent 

On A Putter in 37 Years, It's Special 

Cross-Hair Sight Alignment was re- 

searched and designed by touring 

PGA pro Erian Shillington. Correct 

Placement of your hands, head and 

feet becomes automatic. You read 

the greens, this exquisitely bal- 

anced Killer Putter does the rest 


Play With It For 2 Weeks and Improve Your 
Putting Considerably. If not satisfied, Return it 
for Immediate Refund, no questions asked. $24.95 
ea. (plus S2 shipping) Specity Men's or Ladies’ 
putter. (Left Handed Model Also Avail.) 

TO ORDER, CALL TOLL FREE 1-800-528-6050, 
ext. 1050. (Ariz. Residents Call Collect: 602-955. 
9710). 

Or Send Check, Money Order, or Credit Card 
No. (BankAmericard/Visa, MasterCharge (include 
interbank #, American Express, Diners Club, Carte 
Blanche) and exp. date, plus your name and address 
to: Starshine Group, Dept. 5-230, 924 Anacapa 
St., Santa Barbara, Calif. 93101. Delivery will be 
made promptly. © Starshine Inc., 1977 


Play Backgammon Whenever You Wish and Sharpen 
Up Your Came Skills — Professionally 


‘An Excellent Teaching Device, and a Highly Skilled 
Opponent for the Most Experienced Enthusiast. 
Ghmmonmaster Il isa sophisticated computer that is 
e programmed with ALL BACKGAMMON STRAT. 
EGiES— Running Games, Blocking Game. Hit and 
Run Game. Back Game, Blot-Hitting and Bear-Off 
Came. After International Backeammon Authority 
Barclay Cooke played it toa heaity draw rec 
gave ila heavy endorsement 
When you play axainst the Computer. It displays 
each of its moves electronically, whole record 
YOUR MOVES as well. You “Chart” the game wit 
regular pieces, ard you can always verity the position 
Of every mari on the board at the mele touch of a 
Button, Cammorsrasrer kes vo lay an aggressive 
ame, but will ADJUST ITS OWN STRATEGY TO 
OUR STYLE OFTLAY. It includes a black carrying 
case and a 60-day manul. warranty. Cost. 3199.95 
(plus $3.95 shipping and insurance], Calif. Res. add 
Pom 
Play For 2 Weeks — No Obligation. If Not Satisfied, 
Return and Pay Nothing, Send check, money order. 
or credit card No. [BankAmericard/Visa, Master 
Charge linci. interbank ж) Amer. Express, Diners. or 
Carte Blanche] exp date. plus your nare and address 
to. Starshine Group, Dept. 230, 924 Anacapa St 
Santa Barbara, Calf. 93101. or CALL TOLL FREE 
FORINSTANT SERVICE: 1-600-528-6050, ext. 1046, 
(Ariz. Residents Call Collect: 602-9539716 ) Prompt 


delivery Starshine inc., 1977 


ws 


MORE SPACE THAN YOU'D 
EXPECT IN A SPORTSCAR. 


You expect styling and All thanks to the 924's unique thing you've always wanted in 
handling in a sportscar. And ігапѕахіе system and nearly а sportscar. Flus a lot more 
the Porsche 924 gives you perfect 50-50 weightdistribution. than you ever expected 
plenty of both. But the 924 also has some- You can get a 924 for less 

The 924's clean, classic thing you don't expect in a than $11,500* That's not inex- 
lines make it one of the most sportscar. Carrying space. Lots pensive. But it is less than youd 
exciting shapes on the road of it. Over 18 cubic feet so you expect to pay for a Porsche. 
today. And its handling is can take the things you want DRIVE ONE OF OUR LEGENDS 


equally breathtaking. Quick. with you wherever you go. PORSCHE 
Precise. Beautifully balanced. The Porsche 924 is every- +AUD 


THE 


PORSCHES A 


K 


"Suggested 1978 retail prce $11,325 POE. Transportation, local taxes, 
and dealer delivery charges additional, Automatic Transmission, 
sunroof, metallic paint, rodio ond special wheel optional. 


BREAKING NIXON „сао page 93) 


“I watched Nixon’s face closely. One could almost see 
the complicated dials in his head turning feverishly.” 


two former prosecutors in the special 
prosecutor's office, Richard Ben-Veniste 
and George Frampton, I knew the pro- 
found disappointment these young law- 
yers felt at not ever having got Nixon on 
the stand, and their impulse to help me 
was transparently vicarious. The Frost 
interrogation was likely, they felt, to be 
the only grilling Nixon would ever get. 

When I showed the February 13th and 
14th Colson conversations to Frampton 
and Ben-Veniste, they exchanged glances 
and then broke into laughter. 
You've got something no one else 
ampton said. “Those transcripts 
faust have) been placed in the official 
exhibits by a clerical error.” 

D 

By carly April 1977, we had become 
used to the trip up the coast to Monarch 
Bay, where the shows were being taped. 
T was discouraged, It seemed to me the 
interviews thus far lacked the electricity 
we had been hoping for. On April sixth, 
the subject matter had at last come to 
Watergate. But in those opening ses 
sions, Zelnick and 1 [elt that Frost hadn't 
pressed hard enough. After a party that 
night, we badgered him about it, with 
the result that he buckled down to work 
the next day and our April 13th trip to 
Monarch Bay had a totally different 
flavor from any of the previous trips. 
Frost had peaked at the right moment. 
During the drive, we discussed the law 
on obstruction of justice and I showed 
Frost its exact wording. 

“Mr. President,” Frost said crisply as 
the session began, “to try to review your 
conduct over the whole Watergate pe- 
riod is a daunting task. With the per- 
spective of three years now, do you feel 
that you ever obstructed justice or were 
part of a conspiracy to obstruct justice? 

What followed in the next two hours 
that Wednesday, and two more hours on 
Friday, has been called a television epic. 
Tension started high and built toward 
an almost unbearable breaking point. 

Frost's opening gambit—asking the 
broad question and hoping for the cate- 
gorical denial—was met by Nixon's 
promise to answer, at some future point. 
Meanwhile, he agreed to let Frost re- 
count the events factually, 

There followed a period during which, 
response to a sharply worded question 
by Frost, Nixon would attempt to broad- 
en or divert the answer. Each time, Frost 
pulled him back, refusing to bite at 
the rhetorical hooks Nixon dangled. 
Frost continued recounting the evidence 


until he came to the date that interested 
me most: June 20, 1972. He men- 
tioned the famous conyersation between 
Nixon and Haldeman containing the 18 
and-ahalfminute gap. Nixon, under 
much presure from Frost, would not 
budge from his position that he had no 
idea how the erasure occurred. 

Frost then played his surprise card, 
casually mentioning the Colson conver: 
sation. Here was Frost suddenly coming 


| new and highly damaging ma- 

terial. What else did he have? 
I watched Nixon’s face closely on the 
monitor as Frost read the excerpts. His 


jawline seemed to elongate. The cor- 
ners of his mouth turned down. His eyes 
scemed more liquid. One could almost 
sce the complicated dials in his head 


turning, feverishly 
“Now, somewhere, you were pretty 
well informed by that conversation, 


weren't you?" Frost blandly concluded. 

Nixon fumbled for a beginning, toy 
ing with an attack оп the validity of 
Frost's questions. 

“You have read here excerpts out of 
a conversation with Colson... ah 
Then he thought better of it, switched 
"Let me say what my mot 
was, and that’s the important thing. M 
motive was not to cover up a criminal 
action but to be sure that as far as any 
slip-over . . . or should I say slopover, 
a better word . . . any slop-over in à way 
that would damage innocent pcople or 
blow it into political proportions." The 


his thrusi 


choice of words between slip-over and 
slop-over never failed to get a laugh from 
audiences later. 

The discussion then moved to the day 
the 


of smoking pistols: June 93, 1979, 
day the cover-up was set 
hore down so hard that Jad 
Nixon’s chief of staff in exile, would 
later say that he had urged Nixon to 
concede the illegality of the June 23rd 
actions, but then Nixon had consulted 
with lawyers. So Frost, the show-business 
personality, found himself explaining the 
Taw to the lawyer and former President 

“IE I try to rob a bank and fail, that 
no defense,” Frost said, "T still tried to 
rob a bank. I would say you tried to 
obstruct justice and succeeded in that 
[June 231d-uly sixth] period. 

Nixon stopped him. He granted that 
Frost was performing as the attorney for 
the prosecution, but probably he had not 
read the statute on obstruction of justice. 
A vision of my showing its exact lan- 
guaye to David not one hour before 
flashed through my mind. 


“Well, I have!” Frost exclaimed. 

“Oh, I'm sorry. Of course, you prob- 
ably have read it, but possibly you might 
have missed it, because when I read it, 
y years аро... perhaps when I was 
studying law . . . although the stature 
didn't even exist then, because it's a rel- 
atively new statute, as you know." Later, 
this painful floundering was called the 
“most clearcut researcher's victory one 
could witness.” 

The debate finally ended on a clear 
enunciation of the issue, 

“Now, alter the [L. Patrick] Gray con- 
versation, the cover-up went on," Frost 
declared. "You would say that you were 
not aware of it. I was arguing that you 
were part of it as a result of the June 
25rd conversation.” 

“You're gonna say that I was a part 
of it as a result of the June 23rd con- 
It was a crucial moment, 
ost said stoutly. 

July sixth, when I talked to 


"After 
Gray?" Nixon queried. 

“1 would have said that you joined 
a conspiracy which you thereafter never 


left.” Frost solidified his position 

“Then we totally disagree on that.” 

No journalist in America, 1 concluded, 
would have had the courage of Frost in 
But therein lay the 
American journalism. For 
Frost here was an advocate. He was far 
beyond the narrow American definition 

Г “objective journalism," 

By the time Nixon spoke his wrench- 
ing. yet still defensive apology in the 
next taping session for having “let 
down" the American people, and said 
that he would never more have a place 
in public life, I saw the final success of 
Frost's interviews. 

The danger that these interviews 
would provide Nixon with a means of 
rehabilitation had been smothered. 
Four weeks earlier, on March 23, 
1977, Nixon had said: "As time passed, 
1 felt I might be able in the field closest 
to my heart to work for peace in the 
world, . I haven't been able to do it 
yet. But in the few years I have left, I 
will do it." On April 19th, that seemed 
highly unlikely. In short, on March 28, 
1977, San Clemente might very well have 
been Elba, but on April 19th, it was St. 
Helena for certain. 

Frost was drained from his ordeal. 
think, Mr. President, that [the burden 
you carry] may be a little lighter after 
what you've said here.” 

Nixon was realistic. “I doubt it, 
replied. 

He must have realized then that he 
had underestimated Frost—as at first I 
had. as well. When Nixon said to the 
Englishman after it was all over, "You 
outgunned us,” there seemed to be gen 
ine respect, rather than bitterness, in 
the comment. 

B 


he 


223 


PLAYBOY 


With some help from us, he assembled а 
marvelous collection of paintings, includ- 
ing the Mona Lisa. 

If it had not been for Geraldine, I 
would have killed myself las July in 
Paris. But then, if it had not been for 


Geraldine, І might never have waked up 
to what had happened. 
We 


lked daily with Kalki and Lak- 
They had moved to the St. Regis. 
ng whether or not to go 
south for the winter, Kalki wanted to 
sete in New Orleans, but Lakshmi was 
opposed. “We'll wait till you get back,” 
she said, "and then we can take a vote 
on it. Anyway, l'm sure nobody wants to. 
live through a winter in New York.” 

In all the five continents that we vis- 
ited, there was no sign of human Ше, 

As one city blurred into the next, I 
remember mostly airports. And stalled 
cars. And the cows in Calcutta, The cows 
had now taken over the city. They slept 
in the middle of the streets. Chewed grass 
in the downtown park. I thought it odd 
they wanted to stay in the city when 
the whole countryside was theirs to roam 
‘ound in. No doubt they, too, are vic- 
tims of habi 


A tribe of bad-tempered monkeys had 
take 


up residence in the Calcutta air ter- 
They seemed not at all pleased 
to see us. Obviously, they had duly reg- 
istered the fact that their old enemy and 
cousin Homo sapiens had mysteriously 
died out; and if they thought at all, they 
could not help but be pleased that 
(except for us) they were the sole quasi- 
reasoning primates in the world. 
On impulse, 1 stole two baby monkeys. 
I must have been out of my mind. 1 
hated motherhood. Now Lam bringing ир 
Jack and Jill (Geraldine named them). 
In Hong Kong, we collected jade. 
"There were squabbles, mostly with Giles. 
Who had seen what piece of Imperi 
jade first? He was unusually acquisitive. 
An anal personality, according to Ge 
dine, 1 could tell that she disliked him. 
Yet she never, directly, criticized him. 
When І told her that I thought that Giles 
had raped me in New Orleans, she was 
doubtful. “I don't think he would have 
had the time,” she said. “After all, while 
you were unconscious, he had to examine 
you, to check whether you were sterile. 
І was properly chilled. Had I proved 
to be fertile, I would not have been im- 
munized. Rape seemed, suddenly, trivial. 
In Hong Kong, we noticed what turned 
out to be a world phenomenon. After 
millennia of keeping a low profile, the 
224 rats had taken to the streets, They were 


Є 
kalki (continued from page 140) 


“Driving is always hazardous now because the streets 
of the world resemble used-car lots, junk yards.” 


bold. Dangerous, too. But Mother Na- 
ture c ays be relied upon to strike a 
bloody balance. In a very short time, cats 
and dlogs were joined by carnivorous birds 
and the rat popul 

In Sydney, domestic animals roamed 
the streets. Chickens were everywhere. As 
a result, those predators that enjoyed 
chicken were also in evidence. Саше 
grazed in front of the opera house. Geral- 
dine filmed. Made notes. Giles collected 
and collected. I flew the plane. 

The sky over Los Angeles was the color 
of a perfect aquamarine. No more smog. 
No more anything. 1 did not want to stay 
overnight. But Giles insisted. He also 
wanted to visit the Polo Lounge in the 
Beverly Hills Hotel. For old time's sake. 

Later, from the Bistro ге nt, wc 
rang Kalki and Lakshmi in Washington, 
D.C. “We're in the White House,” said 
Lakshmi; she sounded excited. “We're liv- 
ng here. Its wonderful." 

“And convenient 
“And comfortable,” 
“You'll love it. 

“05 also got the best security,” said 
Kalki. I was about to ask him what he 
meant by that when the connection broke. 

The next mori we drove to the 
airport: and noted yet another phenome- 
non. Hollywood had been taken over by 
схо birds, to the delight of Giles. 
“There must have been a hurricane,” he 
said, "There's no other explanation. They 
were blown free from. . . . Look! There's 
a Patagonian conure! That's very rare. 
Giles was at the wheel. 

“Keep your eye on the road," said 

б а nervous passenger at best, 
nd driving is always hazardous now be- 
se the streets of the world resemble 
used-car lots, junk yards. 

On the afternoon of July 30, we drove 
up to the main gate of the White House. 
Kalki and Lakshmi came toward us, hand 
in hand, like newlyweds. We were greeted 
as warmly as the day, which was swelt 
ng. Washington is as humid a city as 
w Orl 5 

"What аге we going to do without ай 
conditioning?" Giles hates the hcat al- 
most as much as І do. 

We have air conditioning," said Lak- 

ater-green sari, she resembled 
her Katmandu self. 

But Kalki wore shorts and a polo shirt. 
“There’s a backup generator in the White 
he said. "So we've got all the elec- 
tricity we need. Т also checked out ——" 

Kalki was interrupted by a loud roar 
from the other side of Pennsylvania Ave- 
nue. We turned. At the edge of Lafayette 


Lakshmi. 


said 


Square, a pair of lions stared at us, 
curiously. 

From the 700,” 
Thanks to Lakshm 
Our first night in the White House 
was... what? Memorable. And comfort- 
able. We had electric lights; also, fresh 
milk, butter, eges, vegetables, fruit. 
“Everything we eat,” said Kalki, "is grown 
right here on the White House grounds. 
Lakshmi had cooked us a dinner, 
which we ate in the state dining room. 

The main course was fish, caught by 
Kalki in the nearby Potomac River. 

We have fish cvery day," 
shmi, "because Kalki can't bear to kill 
ny of the animals, not even a chicken. 
Then I, my dear Kalki, will be not 
only your doctor and Perfect Master but 
White House butcher." As Giles is as 
good a butcher as he is a cook, we always 
eat well when he ‘ge of the White 
House kitchen. 

After dinner, Lakshmi led us into the 
Red Room. There we produced our 
presents. Lakshmi was delighted with her 
pearls. Kalki was pleased with an elabo- 
rate Chinese clock that Giles had found 
in Tokyo, at the emperor's palace. The 
dock not only told what time it was 
everywhere in the world but also recorded 
the positions of the moon and stars. 

We drank too much champagne and 
made jokes about the last President's 
alleged austerity, dryness. 


Kalki sourly. 


Giles looked at Lakshmi. “How is my 
patient? 
Lakshmi smiled. "Never better, or fat- 


ter. I crave seedle 

aren't any." 
“When is the baby due? 
"In December,” s 

к fo the new human rac 


grapes. But there 


the ДОЛЛИ, 
the second floor, 
signed 
here th; 


ing quarters on 
where Giles was as- 
Lincoln bedroom. I should nore 


taken it well, 1 think. 
seems to approve, 
ign. Giles? He is deep. 

с 

Although the White House remained 
our headquarters, we decided that it w: 
much too small a place for five people 
and a pair of lively young monkey 

Giles moved across Pennsylvania Ave- 
nue to Blair House, a building used by 
official guests to the United States in the 
old days. “The old days" is the way we 
describe life before The End. 

Geraldine and I also moved 
Pennsylvania Avenue, to the Hay-Adams 
Hotel. We have a fine view of Lafayette 
Square, which is full of wildlife. I have 
taken up bird watching 

In August, Geraldine set up a labora- 
tory on the third floor of the hotel. We 
looted the city for special equipment and 


across 


100%, BLENDED SCOTCH WHISKIES. 86.8 PROOF. IMPORTED BY SOMERSET IMPORTERS,LTD., N Y. N.Y. 


WIN 


A $25,000 VACATION 
ANYWHERE THE SKY 
TURNS TO RED. 


THE JOHNNIE WALKER RED VACATION CO! 


First prize in our Red Sunset Vacation contest is 
$25,000 to turn your dreom vacation into reality. 12 
other prizes of great vacation trips bring the total 
prize money to $50,000. Or take any prize incosh. Use 
the entry blank on this poge or get one at any par- 
ticipating liquor store. Our Red Sunset Vacation con- 
test could be good for a trip where the sky's the limit 

JOHNNIE WALKER RED 
SUNSET VACATION CONTEST RULES 


їй in this official entry form- clearly hond.printing 
me, oddress ond the responses. 


b Toent 


y 
three stotements, (Or, on a 


) The information needed 10 
mplete the three stotements moy be found by looking ot the 
Red Lobel Sco 
is moy be obtomed by requesting some from: Lob 

Box 85 Pound Ridge. New York 10576 2, Enter os cften os y 
nailed in o separate envelope. 
Wolker Red Sunset Vocation C РО. 
о ectcut 06842. Entries must 
be post loy 1. 1978 ond received by May B, 1978. 
3. Winners determined in rondom drawings, kom 
oll correctly onswered ond eligible entries. com 
ed by VI P. Service, Inc, on ind Judging organ 
поһоп whose decisions ore hol. ond wall be понед by 
той 4. First Prize: The cost of o vocation і onywhere in the 


Mail to 
Box 9646. 


World the sky turns to red up ю а limit of $25.000 or 
$25.000 in cosh. Second Prize: The cost of o vocation to. 
опуућеге in the world the sky turns to red up to 0 limi of. 
or $10,000 in cosh Third Prize: The cost of o voco 
п Io Onywhere in the world the sky tums to red up to o 
limit of $5,000 or $5,000 in cosh Ten Fourth Prizes: The 
соз of о voco ere in the United States thot the 
red up to 0 limi of $1,000 or $1,000 in cash. The 
warding of prizes 1o prize winners will be subject 10 the 
offidavit ol eligibility and release gronting 
егэ, d. the right io use winners’ пот 
n its publicity 5. Prizes ore ron-transleroble-— only one 
prae ю о fomly ondno substitution for prizes except os stoled. 
The odds of winning wall be determined by the number of cor. 
rectly onswered entries received. АП 13 prizes (volued ot 
$50,000) will be oworded Locol store ond federal texes, if спу 
ore th sibliy rs, 6. Contest преп to residents of 
the United Stotes. Employees ond their families. ol Somers 
Importers, Ltd.. their odvertising agencies, liquor wholesolers 
ond retolers. ond VI P Service. Inc ore пої eligible. Contes 
Utoh ond Virginio, ond 
by law. All federal. stote ond 
ord regulonons opply. 7. ENTRANTS MUST BE OF 
LEGAL DRINKING AGE UNDER THE LAWS OF THEIR HOME STATE 
В. A list of winners wil be furnished. two months ofter the close 
of the contest. to anyone who sends o stomped, self-addressed 
Wolker Red Winners List, PO. Box 6, Pound 


sky turns 


9. Thecfficiol entry form moy not be 
REQUIRED 


EST. TOTAL PRIZES $50,000. 


ond discover thot Johnnie Walker Red is 
(Answer) — * Scotch 
2. Turn to Redond find thot the W 
in (indicote city) 
3 Turn toRed for the 


(Arswer)_ throughout th 


Мо! your completed entry formto 
Johnnie Wolker Red Sunse! Vacation Contest 
РО Box 9656, New Сопол, Conn. 


I certify thot I om legal drinking oge 
lows of my home stote. 


PLAYBOY 


226 


= 


м 
E #seMM 


k 


3s 


VIVITAR 75-205 
LENS 


ase Focusing zoon, 


Cures photographer's itch. 


The new Vivitar 75-205mm zoom lens 
for 35mm SLR cameras will cure your 
itch for a lens that frames your picture 
Precisely the way you want it. You'll have 
131 focal lengths plus 1:4 reproduction 
Capabilities at close focus. The all new 
optical design will give you sharp, tight 
portraits and crisp, long shots. Get the 
сиге at your Vivitar dealer for a very reason- 
able amount of scratch. 


Vivitar Corporation, 1630 Stewart 
Street, Santa Monica, CA 90406. 
In Canada: Vivitar Canada Ltd./Ltée 


Vivitar 


© Vivitar Corporation, 1977 


Not all machines 
need plugs. 


DK cassettes are more than 
tape. They are integral components of 
your hi fi system— machines in themselves—en- 
gineer 3 
sette deck. So no matter which TDK cassette you use, 
ently superb performance. For in- 
ssette gives you all the high energy musie 
you want, and you don't need special bi: itches on your deck to use it. 
Like our other fine cassettes, SA and D, it has a full lifetime warranty. * 
Not all machines need plugs. But all good 


tape machines deserve TDK cassette: ATDK. 


"In the unlikely event that any TDK cassette tape ever tais 
1o perform due to a defect in matenals or workmanship. 
The machine for your machine.* 
TDK Electronics Corp. Garden City, N Y 11530. 


simply relum п 10 your local dealer or ic TDK lor a free 
feplacement 


she was able to find pretty much what 
she needed. Every day, all day, she works 
with eggs, chicken embryos. . . . 1 assume 
that she is making genetic alterations. 

My own days are busy. Mornings I go 
to the White House. 1 help Kalki and 
Giles with the livestock, There 
young milk cows (older cows are all 
dead: no one to milk them). Giles has 
built a chicken coop in the rose garden. 
A herd of sheep is beginning to make 
some progress with the shaggy White 
House lawn. I weed vegetables, Tried but 
failed to learn how to milk a cow. 

Lakshmi makes bread for all of us. 
The flour is getting moldy. Giles thinks 
that the wheat in Virginia should be ready 
in а few weeks. But none of us know 
how to harvest it. I have been studying 
books on agriculture. Lakshmi that 
close to Silver Spring, Maryland, there 
is an old-fashioned mill, run by water 
from a steam. She thinks that the mill 
must still be functioning. If so, we can 
have water-ground meal. There is a lot 
of work to do, just to keep going, day by 
day. Ah, day by day 

Í get back to the Hay-Adams in time for 
lunch with Geraldine. I prepare the 
food. She cooks. Evenings, we usually dine 
at the White House. 
seriously. We tal 
is not much ehe, 


are two 


Last summer, during the daytime, we 
wore bathing suits. I felt odd, main 
ing aircraft in a bikini. But the heat was 
crushing. At night, we dressed up. 
Geraldine and Lakshmi went into a 
friendly compet Each night, 
revealed new evening dresses, not to men- 
tion tiaras, necklaces, earrings, bracelets. 
Beneath the cystal chandeliers in the 
East Room, the girls shone. I was demure. 
I usually wore black or white. Only on 
rare occasions did I wear the star rubies. 
Late in August, at the end of dinner, 
just before we went down to the projec- 
tion room to see a film, Lakshmi sud 


ion. they 


denly said, "You know, I'm a native of 
Washington and I've never been to 


Mount Vernon. Who wants to go?” Since 
none of us had ever visited Mount Ver- 
non, Kalki proposed an outing. 
On a hot, windless morning, we left 
from a dock near the White House. I was 
at the wheel. Having no map, 1 headed 
upriver toward the Great Falls instead of 
down-river to Mount Vernon. But it made 
no difference. All that mattered was the 
normality of a day's outing 
In nothing but а pair of frayed unks, 
Kalki looked uncommonly boyish; blond- 
ness smeared with oil. Geraldine wore a 
floppy straw hat and a muumuu. Death- 
ly afraid of skin cancer, she hurries to 
Giles every time she thinks that a freckle 
has gone awry 
Lakshmi lay on an air-filled mattress in 
(continued on page 


“He knows everything about horses but next to nothing about women." 


228 


TRICKY TACKY 
Beune Midler would call it 
“gar-bage.” But Tacky Enter- 
prises, the people who manu- 
facture the novelty jewelry 
pictured at left, prefer that 
you think of their product 
as Trash Chic. Whatever your 
choice. Tacky Enterprises’ 
tacky creations are made of the 
plastic stuff that’s like what used 
to be dispensed from gum-ball 
machines: baseballs, hamburg- 
ers, eight balls, baseball mitts, 


PLAYBOY POTPOURRI 


people, places, objects and events of interest or amusement 


ROLLING THUNDER. 
Roller-coaster junkies will be lining up this 
April for what surely must be the ultimate 
amusement-park thrill ride yet—the 
Colossus, a double-track roller coaster 
running 9203 fect in length, with two drops 
of over 100 feet and а projected top speed 
in excess of 60 mph. Magic Mountain in 
Valencia, California, will be the Colossus’ 
new home. By the way, hot-shot, the entire 
structure will be made out of wood, so that 
everything creaks and groans and roars 


and scares the bejesus out of you. 
etc, all made into necklaces je у 


($4.95), chokers ($5.95), bracelets 
(56.95) and collars ($10.95), 
available from the company at 
P.O. Box 480295, Los An. 

geles, California 90048. When 
ordering, you can specify in- 
dividual items or a mixture, or 

go hog-wild and choose their 
‘Tacky Fantastic number that’s an 
assortment of things strung to- 
gether. When you get it, flaunt it! 


IT’S DONE WITH MIRRORS 
"What you see is what you don't get when 
you own a Mirage bowl. There's a button 
in the center of the one pictured here, 
right? Wrong! When you rcach for the 
button (or whatever object you've put into 
the bowl) it isn't there. What you're. 
sceing is only а 3-D reflection that’s realistic 
enough to touch. Don't believe it? Order 
one from Opti-Gone Associates, 22102 
Clarendon Street, Woodland Hill: 
California 91364, for 526 and go nuts. 


GET THE MESSAGE 
Everybody's scen those continuously moving illuminated tape messages 
that say SPECIAL SALE . . . ALL PRICES SLASHED , . . and more as they roll 
endlessly on and on across the front of a long, narrow metal box. Well, 
just think if you were to order the number-30 model from Salescaster 
Displays Corporation, at 1010 East Elizabeth Avenue, Linden, New Jersey 
07036, and have them create your own personal moving message (up to 
115 characters and spaces), all for just $127.50, F.O.B. the factory. 
Why, you could propose to your girl, wll off your boss. ... Hold it! 
Our office Salescaster is rolling. STEVENS . .. YOU'RE FIRED 


GIVE SOMEONE 


THE FINGER 
April Fools’ Day, this year, сап 
really be a scream if you attach 
your keys to a grisly key chain 
that a West Coast cottage 
industry called The Finger 
Factory, 3094 Waverley Street, 
Palo Alto, California 94306, is 
selling for $5.95, postpaid. 
Dangling from one end of the 
key chain is the most realistic- 
looking severed finger we've 
ever эссп. (Come to think of 
it, how many have we seen?) 
It feels real, it looks rcal— 
there's bone, blood, gook and 
. . Yech! And for do- 

it's available 


Take five. 


GOING, GOING, 
REAL GONE 

Yes, guys, now you can make 
big money in the auction busi- 
ness if you enroll in the Reisch 
World Wide College of Auc- 
tioneering, P.O. Box 949, 
Mason City, Iowa 50401. The 
tuition for a two-week term is 
just $465, including room and 
board, and subjects covered 
include farm sales, auto auc- 
tions and antiques, plus a 
text on how to tell side- 
splitter jokes that will leave 
your audience chortling as it 
pays up. The school does 
request, however, that no jeans 
or shorts be worn to classes and 
your hair be neat and above 
the collar. Now, that’s a laugh. 


MOST WANTED LIST 
High-powered executives may 
wish to avail themselves of 
one of the unusual services 
offered by Executive Locator, 
410 North Michigan Avenue, 
Chicago, Illinois 60611, a 
company that specializes in 
keeping tabs on busy men 
wherever they wander. As a 
subscriber, you're entitled to a 
toll-free answering service at a 
rate that varies from $30 to 
$67.50 a month, depending on 
which Executive Locator 
service you choose. For more 
detailed information, call 
800-621-7725. That's assuming 
you want to be found. 


TILT-TOP TABLE 
You've all seen happy Roy Clark on Hee Haw 
and The Tonight Show. And now, if you've got 
3000 bucks to spare, you can see him all lit up on 
your living-room floor. The Robert L. White 
Company, Р.О. Box 16046, Winston-Salem, 
North Carolina 27105, is selling a two-player 
computerized Roy Clark cockta ble pinball 
game that's guaranteed to keep free-game fiends 
firing for hours as they attempt to top 120,000 
points. And because it's computerized, the unit is 
сазу to repair. Just don't sit on Roy's face. 


FRANK TALK 
It’s April in Paris and you say you're in Scranton? 
Let a hip tabloic-type newspaper printed in 
English called The Paris Metro bring the City 
of Light to you every other weck for a mere 
bagatelle: A one-year subscription is $26 
surface delivery or $52 airmail sent to 
European Publishers Representative, 11-03 
46th Avenue, Long Island City. № 
11101. Once you've finished an edition, 
you can always housebreak your poodle on it 


228 


PLAYBOY 


230 


ВУ 


“Оп the rock's smooth surface lay, intertwined апа 
intermingled, two skeletons. Male and female?" 


the stern, “So peaceful,” she murmured. 
Then she crossed her arms over the 
belly that now contains the future of 
the human race and slept а deep sleep, 
for tw 
Kalki joined me at the wheel. He is а 
ture lover. He has also taken up bird 
watching, and we compare notes at the 
end of cach week . . . each week! We still 


govern our days by clocks and calendars, 
s if there were still such a thing as 
time. In a 


just 

i voice too low for the 
sked, “Do you find it 
g the source, the ques 


tion was staring. 
1 answered honestly. "Yes. 


5o do L" Again considering the source 
(Vishnu the creator in terminal tandem 
with Siva the destroyer), I was taken 
aback quite a distance 

1 looked at Kalki. He was staring at a 
high green-covered diff that rose perpen- 
dicular from the muddy water. When he 
spoke, the voice was sad. No, pensive. 
"I'm human, too,” he said. “That's the 
hard рам. I sometimes think that this 


body of mine 
looked at the river, found а simile. 
ging in mud. I miss all sorts of people. 
And I ought not to. The best will go on 
into the next cycle, So why be sorry 
Particularly when I am the creator. The 
опе who preserves. Yet there are times 
when I feel"—again his eyes strayed to 
the soft swirling of the river— "drifting. 

I steered the boat beneath a bridge 
As 1 did, Giles looked up from the bad 


gammon board. “My dear Teddy, we a 
now passing beneath historic Ch 
Bridge. That means you are going in 


су the wrong direction. Mount Ver- 
non is down river." 

Lakshmi opened her eyes. “Its my 
lr,” she apologized. "Fm the V 
ingtonian. I should have told уо 
that, she went back to sleep. 1 turned 
the boat about. The heat was oppres- 


sive. Even on the river, there was no 
breeze. | noted that the barometer was 
fall We were due for a storm. From 


the southwest 
Giles and Geraldine continued 


“Tl tell you what's wrong with the 
economy. You don't have to take a dame to dinner to get laid— 
thats what's wrong with the economy!’ 


game. Kalki drank Coors and looked at 
the scenery, and seemed at peace. 

Just off the Virginia shore, a large 
rock broke the muddy water like a mini: 
ture Italy. On the rock's smooth surface 
Лау. intertwined and intermingled, two 
skeletons. Male and female? Male and 
male? Female and female? There were 
no identifying clothes. They had be 
nude. Had they been making love, 1 won- 
dered, when life ended? 

Tired and sweaty, we docked at Mount 
Vernon. Except for Lakshmi, we all dove 
into the warm water. Swam among weeds. 
Walked on the slithery mud bottom. 
Made nervous jokes about poisonous 
sn Copperheads frequent the Poto- 
mac River. But we saw none that day. 

Like tourists, we toured the mansion. 
We stared at the old furniture and paimt- 
ings, at the glass cases that contained 
swords, gloves, stockings, hats, shirts. Rel- 
ics of George and Martha Washington. 
Unlike tourists, we opened some of the 
c Touched the old cloth. But then 
we put everything back except for Wash- 
ington's three-cornered hat, which Kalki 
wore for the rest of the day. 

Lakshmi and Geraldine arranged the 
picnic on the steps of the m 
Kalki stretched out on the lawn 
ton’s hat pulled down over his eyes. 
In front of the irongrille door to 
Washington's tomb, I sat on a bench. 
Giles started to sit next to me, Deliber- 
ately, 1 imagined all between us. A 
high stone wall. Yes, Giles sensed the wall. 
But then, I am 
in me loves a wall. 

With a ‚ Giles sat crosslegged on 
the ground. “Do you think that we aie," 
he said, suddenly, “too few in numbe 
зил it а bit late to worry about that?” 
1 am quick to suspect а plot. I am para 
noid. But sly з 
if I were lonely wanted to 
know much the ng. 1 was certain 
that E was being tested. If so, a wrong 
score on the test. 


good mason. Something 


ally. "I thought thar 
Ш of you had figured that one out. You 
ire now in possession of two breeders, 
well as three sterile preservers of the 
scientific culture. Then there w 


1 be nine 


children. 
“L wasn't referring to the next cyde. 
We have nothing to worry about in that 


department. Lakshmi and Kalki are ge- 
netic treasure houses. And complement 
cach other perfectly. I am sure that if 
Mendel were here, he would applaud. 
No, I only meant too few for company. 
At the moment. 

“Why should you care what 1 think? 
So far, no one has ever asked my opinion 
about anything. This is your show, not 
mine. Of course"—I was reasonably hon- 
est—"my opinion could never have really 
mattered, since 1 never thought that any 
of this would happe: А 

“Well, it did. And here we are" Giles 


Only Real 
the natural cigarette 
can taste so rich 
yet be low tar. 


Follow your taste to Real. 


Your cigarette enhances its flavor Of course, the menthol in Real 
artificially. All major brands do. Real does Menthol is fresh, natural. Not syntheti 
not. We use only the finest tobacco blend You get a rich and round and deep taste. 
and add nothing artificial. Nothing. A total taste that satisfies. Yet it’s low tar. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 
That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. Only 9mg. tar. 


©1977 R. J. Reynolds Tobacco Co. 


Bn вав: 
aro popping up 
everywhere. 


Weeds are popping up in 3 exciting styles 

and 6 smartcolors, all with a cushiony-soft 

inner sole for added comfort. So why not 
Pop into a pair today. 


WEEE 


FROM FLORSHEIM 


Available at participating dealers. 


arranged four thin hairy limbs into a 
yoga position. In tennis shoris and T 
shirt, he looked particularly unattractive. 
Like smudged p| bald head shone. 
Because Kalki is Vishnu. He has to he, 
Giles added. 

The addition surprised me. “Do you 
doubt him?” 

"Doubt is human, my dear Teddy. And. 
Perfect Master that 1 am, I am entirely 
human. 

“Well...” Lwas sharp . . . too sharp? 
“He may not be Vishnu, but he certainly 
turned in a very good performance as 
Siva, the destroyer 

Giles gave me an odd look. I had the 
mpresion that he wanted to tell me 
something but did not dare. “Yes, he is 
Siva, who is Vishnu, who is Brahma, who 
is Kalki,” 
iles reached 
tennis shorts and removed a gold суй 
der and spoon. Thoughtfully, he trans- 
ferred white powdery cocaine from 
container to spoon. Then he sniffed. 
“Would you like some?’ 

"No, thanks." 

“You ате an old bluenose, Teddy!" 

“The old bluenose, Giles, will be yours, 
not mine." 

Giles's laugh wa 


nto the pocket of his 


louder than my little 
joke warranted. He gets high easily. Turns 
manic, Talks too fast. And too much. 
But seated in front of Washington's tomb, 
nose dripping and eyes gleaming, Giles 
was unexpectedly quiet. Thoughtlully, he 
stared up at me. 

Pregnant was the silence that, presently, 
е birth to an idea. Nothing brilliant. 
Just an insight. Something 1 should have 
guessed when he made his comments 
about how few we were. “Of course, we 
are unb /" 1 said, looking down at 
him, compassionately. He began, invol- 


atarily, to wriggle. "I mean,” I spelled 
it out, an odd number.” 
“A holy number" Giles avoided my 


compassionate look. 

Holy or not youre odd man out, 
Giles. Kalki has Lakshmi. I have Geral- 
dine, Why didn't you immunize poor Fs- 
telle? After sterilizing her first, of course. 
I have discovered, late in life, that sadism 
had unsuspected pleasures. For a moment, 
I munched on that forbidden fruit. Giles's 
wriggle changed, dramatically, to an ago- 
nized squirm. Yes, I was on target. 

“That is my role," Giles said, avoid- 
ing my eyes. He took another snort of 
cocaine, “I enjoy being alone.” 

I had tortured him enough. 1 let fall 
the forbidden fruit and changed the sub- 
ject. 1 pointed to the snifter of cocaine. 
“What,” I asked, "was the real point to 
the drugs? 

“Poin?” A pair of Dr. Ashoky eyes 
stared up at me, slightly crossed. 

1 never could figure out why it was 
necessary for Kalki to be involved in 
drug ring.” 

“The money, dear Teddy 

“Of course, But I mean from a religious 


point of view. I mean, is there any con- 
nection between drugs and the end of the 
age of Kali? 

“None at all. As a matter of fact, we 
always disapproved not only of drug 
addiction but also of alcohol and nico- 
tine. Our ashrams were genuinely ascetic.” 

"But you smoke, drink, sniff..." 

“I was a flawed vessel of grace, d 


Teddy. Yet 1 е the sinner even as I 
hate the sin.” 
"Lunch!" called Lakshmi. 


We rose. Giles put his arm through 
mine, as though he were very old. Нс 
even gave an Ashoky totter or two. 

Dishes had been neatly arranged on 
the bottom step of the veranda. Kalki 
leaned à column and ate fried 
chicken, V отоп” hat resting on his 
cars, Either Washington's head had been 
a good deal larger than Kalkis or the 
general had worn a wig under the hat 
Lakshmi filled Martha Washingtoni 
аума! glasses with beer. Geraldine served 
potato salad on paper plates. 

“Let us drink to the golden age!" said 
Giles. And so we did. Не was now ma- 
nic. "And to the rebirth of all those who 
believed in Kalki and who now reside 
1 their teeming millions and, yes, puta 

es placed 

d on Lakshmi's swollen stomach. 
The picnic was pleasant. ‘The mugg 
s not. I don't like Washington in 

Or, to be frank, at any t 


iy now. 
The thought that the entire future of the 
human race was growing inside her awed 
us all. It was as if [our billion people had 
been compressed into а single ovary, like 
one of those collapsed suns that becomes 
a black hole opening onto a whole new 
cosmos. A golden age? Well, we s 
live to see much more than the begi 
According to Lakshmi, the first child will 
be called Eve. 

“That’s а strange name,” J said, “for 
child of Vishnu. 

“Lam ecumenical,” said Kalki, mildly. 

1 helped Lakshmi and Geraldine put 
away the picnic things. Odd, come to 
think of it, how we tidied up. In a few 
years, Mount Vernon will be a ruin and 
it will have m 
or not we had cleaned up the remains of 
fried chicken and potato salad, the paper 
plates and beer cans. 

A hot rain was falling by the time we 
got back to the boat. 

The wip was rough. ‘The wind made 
high 4 1 soaked us. Although 
Geraldine and Giles were seasick, Lal 
shmi was reasonably comfortable in the. 
cabin while Kalki very much enjoyed the 


ade no difference whether 


storm. He stood beside me at the wheel 


and let the ish his face. 

As I was preparing to dock, Kalki said, 
“I want you to write down everything 
that you can remember from the first day 
you ever heard of me. And I mean cvery- 
ig. Even when you doubted me, which 


Six serious reasons 


for owning a fun+to-drive 
AMC Gremlin X. 


peaa e 1. 
Good performance and fuel 
economy is provided by the peppy 
4-cylinder engine and 4-speed gear 
box. EPA estimated mileage ratings: 
35 highway; 22 city; 27 combined? 


Sporty Levi's” fabric bucket seats. 


Extra width to give you plenty of 
road-hugging stability plus interior 
room and comfort 


Extra wide rear hatch and fold-down 
rear seat for quick, easy access to 
loads of space. 


Steel belted radials, front sway bar, 
front disc brakes and Extra Quiet 
Insulation are all standard for your 
driving pleasure. 


AMC's exclusive BUYER 
PROTECTION PLAN"is the only full 
warranty that covers everything 

on your car, except tires, for 12 
months or 12,000 miles. 


"Actual mileage may vary depending on your 
car's condition and optional equipment and 
how and where you drive. 


AMC FI Gremlin 


PLAYBOY 


I don't mind. Just write it all down, I 
don't care how it’s written, Teddy. What 
matters is your personal record. What you 
felt. What you feel.” 

We were now roaring at each other 
over the wind. I shouted, “Why?” 

‘or the future. For my descendants.” 
Giles can do a better job. . . ." 

"No. You must do it. 

Thad no idea why Kalki was so insist- 
ent. I still have no idea. But I agreed. 
Why not? “It’s a bit like writing the New 
Testament.” 1 made a joke that Kalki 
took with perfect seriousness. 

“But youre а lot beuer off than the 
writers of the New Testament, You were 
there at the end, which they were not. 
And now you are here, as a witness, at the 


beginning." On that resonant note, a 
gust of wind blew General Washington's 
hat off Kalkr's head. The hat vanished in 


the river's high waves, 

AIL in all, I have enjoyed . . . well, no, 
not enjoyed: I have found interesting 
this work of recollection. Cathartic, even. 
;rtainly, it has given shape to my days. 
ich morning, I come here to the Cabi- 
net Room. I work for several hours. Mid- 
way through, I offered to show Kalki the 
text, but he refused to look at it. “Not 
until you're finished.” 

Jack and Jill have had a baby. Jill is a 
lot older than we thought; and pregnant 
when I found her in India. Jill's first 
child is a girl, a good omen. We refer to 
her as The Child. 


І have turned over the lobby and down- 
stairs bar of the Hay-Adams to the 
monkeys. They could not be happier, 
ing from lamps, making messes, 
ng to one another—to us. too. 
They very much want to talk or at least 
communicate with us. 

It is October third. Giles has invited 
all of us to Blair House. He is giving his 
first dinner party. Yesterday, he passed 
out engraved invitations. Black tie. Black 
tie! RSVP. 


. 
got up as Dr. Ashok, “For 
old times’ sake, my dear Teddy.” 

I was mildly disturbed by the white 
wig, the brown face, the aura of curry. It 

s as if instead of five survivors there 
айй as much. Giles gig- 
y Indian fashion 
direct, as always. "G 
likes being Dr. Ashok because of the w 
He hates being bald. Don't you, Gil 
And th isn’t enough hair at the back. 
of your neck for transplants? 

Giles pretended to be amused, But 
it always amuses him to pretend. 
Il, he is two people. At least. And 
1 must admit that one of those multiple 
selves is a good interior decorator. Cer- 
ly, Blair House has been. beautifully 


Giles w; 


done over. 
Dr. Ashok, as Giles wanted to be ad- 


dressed, mixed the driest of dry marti 
We drank, heavily. Unfortunately, my 


"I'm afraid I don't have any of my paintings here. 
I only do vans." 


head is the weakest of the fivc . . . six? 
Geraldine's is the strongest. That night, 
Dr, Ashok proved to be so much the per- 
fect host that we could not help but be 
somewhat less than perfect guests. 

1 thought that Geraldine looked daz- 
zling tonight. She wore a stunning gown 
by Balenciaga, taken from a display of 
20th Century high-fashion masterpieces 
at the Smithsonian. This particular gown 
had been made in the Thirties for a cele- 
brated beauty named Mrs. Harrison 
Williams. Although Mrs. Williams had 
been somewhat taller than Geraldine, 
each had the same папом waist. 1 know. 
ed the dress for Geraldine. Also, in 
honor of our first dinner at Blair House, 
dine wore the empress Josephine’s 
emerald necklace, as well as a small di 
mond tiara that had belonged to Marie 
Antoinette. The effect—dazzling. 

I wore another masterpiece from the 
Smithsonian collection. A classic design in 
red damask, cut by the genius Charles 
James. Although I have never cared. very 
much for clothes, І will say that tonight 
not look, exactly, my worst. 
There are times, Giles——-" Се 
began. But our host interrupted her. 

"Dr. Ashok!” 

“Dr. Ashok. That I wonder who you 
really are. I mean, deep down inside. Is 
Dr. Lowell impersonating Dr. Ashok or 
does Dr. Ashok impersonate Dr. Lowell? 

“A true mystery, dearest Geraldi 
Personally, I suspect that each is really 
the other and neither one is me." 

Geraldine was amused. 1 was not 

“Hello,” said Kalki. He and Lakshmi 
were standing in the doorway 
Giles leaped to his feet and рга 
eraldine and 1 both got to our feet. We 
ways do when Kalki and Lakshmi enter 
а room. I don't know why. After all, we 
know them so well. Sec them in bathing 
suits. Working in the garden. Sweating in 
the sun. Covered with poison-ivy blisters. 
Nevertheless, there is а real sense of—I 
won't word 
means nothing to me—but of magic about 
them. And, of course, they are physically 
beautiful. Tonight Lakshmi wore the 
ropes of pearls that 1 had brought her 
from Paris; a royal-purple creation from 
Dior disguised her pregnancy. Kalki 
looked very young in a black-velvet suit. 

Giles—not Dr. Ashok—had prepared 
the dinner. We gorged on a dozen courses 
served off solid-gold plates that Giles had 
found in Londo ted for Louis XV. 
We do live nicely. 


amed. 


divinity, because that 


. The state of 
, engineci 


аз репе 
physics, genetics, medicin 


Kalki hoped that ez 


ch of us would go 
inal research, the way that 
has been doing in her labora- 
“Because,” said Kalki, "the most 
»t thing that you are going to 


in lor o 


tory. 
import 


ЕАСН ОМЕ 
SERVES TWO, 
PRE-MIXED AND 
READY-TO-ENJOY 


from 25 to 40 proof. 


Anytime. Anywhere. Good times go 

better with Cocktails For Two. 

Each one serves up two zesty and 

delicious drinks. And because they come 

in “keep-cool” glass bottles, they'll stay 

that way. Wherever you go. Whatever you do. 

Includes all your favorite cocktails: 

Pina Colada, Banana Colada, Tequila Sunrise, 

Strawberry Margarita, Vodka Screwdriver, 

Vodka Gimlet, Whiskey Sour, Daiquiri, Margari 

Manhattan, Black Russian, Apricot Sour, 

Scotch Sour, Vodka Martini, Extra Dry № 


Lookforthe | 


PLAYBOY 


236 


Lights up the night. 


Adda little color to your 
evening with some of the 
boldest shoes you'll ever set 
foot in. In gold. Or black. 
Or blue. Or brown. Or white. 
Onthe newest fashion. 
wedge sole in town. 
Dexter. Shoes 
that stand alone, 
for people 
who don't. 


nz 
Doer Shoe Company, 
JESL James Aen 
Boston, NA 0206 


TV picture simulated 


have to do is teach the first generation 
how to be teachers, 100.” 

“Aren't they lucky!" Lakshmi was 
flushed in the candlelight. “A brand-new 
race. With nothing in them of the old 
except the best.” 

"Well" said Geraldine, always to the 
sometimes disagreeable point. “They 
won't be all that new. And they certainly 
won't be the best. You and Kalki are 
nothing more than two pools of absolutely 
runof-the-mill genes. Your children will 
be nice-looking. They'll be healthy. But 
the odds are against their being geniuses, 
по matter how hard Z work." 

“But 1 am also Vishnu," Kalki said, 
grinning boyishly, eyes shining. "Surely, 
that fact alters the genetic pool." 

“I agree. You are Vishnu. But you have 
taken up residence in the body of J. J. 
Kelly and your children will be his chil- 
dren, They will be Alpha. Otherwise, they 
won't be so very different from the dearly 
departed four billion.” Geraldine was 
hard. She had had too much win 

Giles quickly changed the subject. “We 
must work out a new calendar. What, for 
instance, shall we call the period before 
April t d? And the period after?” 

During the chateaubriand, we decided 
10 divide human history into two parts: 
Before Kalki and After Kalki. Not exact 
ly original. But no one could think of 
anything beucr. 

Giles then proposed that the months 
should be renamed for us. Lakshmi was 
hited. She wants June to be called 
taken September, 
I wanted. I seuled, grace- 
fully, for October. January will be called 
Lowell. The other eight months will be 
named after the first eight children, start- 
ing with Eve. 

We took coffee in the drawing room. 
The fireplace had begun, slightly, to 
smoke. I promised Giles that Га clean 
out the flue. For a doctor, he is surpris 
ingly clumsy with his hands. 

Giles produced 100-yearold brandy 

an cigars. Geraldine smoked а 
andy from a huge Bac- 


snifter. 
Mission accomplished!” Ciless favor- 
ite phrase had been appropriated by Dr. 
Ashok. 

"Only part one,” said Kalki. "Part two 
is the launching of the golden age.” 

“The children," murmured Lakshmi. 

"Of course! OF course! 1 was hasty! 
Oh, how 1 envy you!” Giles stared at 
Kalki with somewhat wild, bloodshot eyes. 

Geraldine and I exchanged a quick 
We still wonder just how Giles 
will eventually adjust to being odd man 
out. So far, he has shown no overt si 
of distress or anxiety. No, that is not quite 
true. Last summer, when the subject of 
wife swapping came up, Giles had spoken 
powerfully in favor of that sort of sexual 
pavan. But Kalki had swiftly vetoed the 
notion on the ground that since only he 
and Lakshmi can reproduce, there is no 


trois?” 


“What do you mean—a ménage à 


237 


PLAYBOY 


238 


Sexual 
Adventures 
in Маг 


SEXUAL 
ADVENTURES 


Features over 140 full-color 


4 complet uncensored photo. 


eps e Book ia vel furm 
о woran бп and mole her 
бок forward 10 Sexual adven 
ures ah You, iganes уоп 
in to be 3 Sexual supenhan 
wno canarouse any mornan and 
[лде her wih fot salis 
hon The expic photographe 
nolonty Showeron techies 
il aco help ае 
фиг woman dram Per ош 
[Gs and intbsions, bring er 
оа! pleasure, ard show her ways to form you or 


‘Send just 57.95 to ADAMEVE, Box 400, Dept. PB8-D 
Carrboro, NC 27510, 
Your money back nol delighted. ©1378, та 


Gur choice ol the best mers contraceptves, Indu 
Затріе "оп; and ned Texture Pls mit Pleasure Dels? 
[Дог maximum sexual stimulation. For men who preter 
Mese we alter SMS- e condom that e ose 
[smaller for greater, sure and security. Choose from 

EE: brands of cordoms, including natural membrane. 
red anc colored. Plain atractve package assures pnvacy. 
Bi 22 coradas dl 


Service is fost and guaranteed. Sap 
Cataogalone Sos" Over 500,000 satis hed customers. Wile 10- 


Ан, P.D. Вох 400, бері. РВВ-Е , Carrboro, NC 27510. 


VIP. 
çLEXI BY” 
VIBRATOR 


‚+. for good vibrations 
Give your favorite person the VIP. 
treatment with trs. llexible muhi 
‘speed wbralor. Made of pliable rub- 
ber, il yels to body contours, and 
the speeds adjustable — froma low 
tingle to a powerful throb. Only 
$12.00. Salistacion guaranteed or your money refunded 
Enjoy a year's subscription to our sensuous 40 pape calalog 
Tor just $2.00. Catalog contains vibrators, sensuous clothing 
men's conlracephwes and more! Catalog 1s free with any order. 
уте ска 
Adam & Eve. Dept PB8-F бох 
403 Jones Ferry Road. P.D. Box 400 SI 
Carrboro. N С. 27510. cw МЕР 


TEXTURED CONTRACEPTIVES 
FOR THE SENSUOUS 


oms in all) 
for only $15. 
Enjoy the nationally advertised 
textured brands you've been 
wanting to use. privately, and 
al major discounts. Federal, 
America's oldest and largest 
тай order condom prophylactic 
firm, offers you Arouse™, Ex- 
cita, Rough Rider, Stimula, 
Bnd Trojan Ribbed in our new. 
‘Textured Sampler. Ай orders. 
shpped same day received, in 
piain wrap. Outstanding prices! 


ко. 


Federal Pharmacal. Inc. Dept. P478 
6652 N. Western Avenue, Chicago, llinois 60645 
Please Rush (In plain wrapper) 
C400 Adventurer Sampler 

5 brands — 15 condoms 
181000 Sensuous Sampler 

30 brards — 50 condoms 
E1815 00 Textured Sampler = 5 of tovay's 

nost popular textured brands = 

39 condoms in all 
©згг 00 Borus Value Sampler 

12 brands — 144 condoms ($42 75 value) 

Full color catalog free with order 

Enclosed is Check Cash 
Address: _ 
Cy бше: — Zip 
Satistaction Guararteed or Money Retunded 


reason for the rest of us to go through 
what he called “the motions,” to which 
Giles had made the point that since there 
was no biological reason for such cou- 
plings, then, by the very same logic, there 
was absolutely no reason for us not to go 
through the traditional motions. Why, he 
asked, couldn't the one sterile male couple 
go through the motions with either or 
both of the two sterile women, or even 
with the one fertile female? 

Kalki had not been moved by Giles's 
arguments. Geraldine thought that Giles 
was in love with Lakshmi. “Not with 
you?" I 


ion years,” she had 
replied. 

"Or with me," I added. Well out of it. 

Tonight I thought that Kalki handled 
Giles with unusual tact. “Your role is just 
as important,” he sa 
No, no! How can it be? I'm a mere 
doctor, and the human race can certainly 
survive without doctors. In fact, the race 
might cven thrive without us. But there 
cannot, literally, be a human race with- 
out you and Lakshmi. Oh, shmi! Oh, 
beautiful one! Oh, ocean-born. . . . 
Suddenly, Giles sounded like Di 
the lobby of Calcutta's Oberoi Grand, 
one world ago. 

"Giles" I could see that after Lak- 
shmi's first delighted response to flattery, 
she was annoyed. Alarmed? “We don't 
want to hear all of my one thousand 
tides." She made light of an occasion 
gone heavy. 

Giles poured himself more brandy апа 
Kalki rolled a joint 

Geraldine changed the subject. She re- 
verted to biology. ^I wish," she said, “that 
we had a biological backup for Kalki. Or 
even an alternative," 

Giles spilled most of his brandy as 
hand with glass missed mouth, Lakshmi 
blushed. Kalki's face looked to be unin- 
habited as Geraldine proceeded to drop 
her bricks. Later, she told me that she 
could not let this opportunity to speak 
her mind pas. As if she ever did. Or 
does. І love her candor, 

"Speaking as a geneticist, I'm not en- 
tirely satisfied with the present arrange- 
ment.” Geraldine got to her feet. 1 could 
almost imagine a blackboard behind her. 
She must have been the first biologist ever 
10 lecture in a Balenciaga gown. “I be- 
lieve that you've all read my paper on 
inbreeding.” Geraldine had given cach 
of us a typescript soon alter we were 
settled in Washington. “If you have, then 
you know the degree to which a given 
DNA situation cin be manipulated. 
In general, the odds favor a Kulki-Lakshm 
conjunction. Even if they did not, I am 
able to adjust the odds. To load the dice. 
To bend the helices Nevertheless, ideally, 
there should be at least one other male 
who could be added, if necessary, то the 
equation.” For ten minutes, Geraldine lec 
tured us, blissfully unaware that her 


audience had turned to stone. 

"Your advice comes 100 late" said 
Giles. And he was now definitely Giles. 
He had sobered up. He took off his Dr. 
Ashok wig. 

When Kalki spoke, he was icy. “Най 
I intended for there to be another fe 
man at the end of the age of Kali, I 
would have brought him through the 
plague, as I have brought the four of you.” 

“OF course. ОГ course.” Giles was oddly 
humble, placating 

Geraldine chose to ignore Kalki's р 
fury. “You missed my point. You don't 
actually need a man, There 
are other ways of impregnating Lakshmi.” 

“What other ways?” Lakshmi looked 
slightly shell-shocked. 

“Sperm banks,” said Geraldine. “There 
are two right here in Washington. We 
can take our pick of donors. We can 
match Lakshmi with any number of 
desirable combinations. And I highly 
recommend that at least one of those 
combinations should be Chinese. It would 
be a biological wagedy if the Chinese 
genetic pool was lost foreve 

Suddenly, Kalki whooped with laugh- 
ter. The rest of us laughed, too. Obedient- 
y- Then Kalki said, “Geraldine, you are 
ht off the wall! You're a great scientist. 
no contest. And I'm sure you're right. 
And if there had been any way to pre- 
serve the Chinese wading pool, Га have 
done it. All the other ethnic pools, too. I 
would have assembled a genetic Noah's 
ark. But you know as well as I do that that 
was not meant to be, At the end, there 
could only be five. And of the five, only 
the creator сап be the procreator.” 

“The sperm banks. . .." Geraldine was 
nnoyed. If red hair could truly 
n crackling 


get 
bristle, hers would have be 
with electricity. 

“Have gone broke!" Kalki grinned at 
her. 

“What do you mean, broke?” E asked. 

“Bank holida т. No more 
deposits. No more withdrawals. Figure it 
out. To live, sperm must be kept 
certain temperature, When the electr 
went off, that was the cnd for all those 
billions of spermatozoa.” 

“1 hadn't thought of that,” said Geral 
dine. 

“The human race's only future," said 
Kalki, "is here!" Slowly, he closed one 
hand over his crotch. We were all startled. 
And appalled. Not so much by the ges- 
ture as by its demonstrable truth. 

. 


Ottinger 3, 3 A.K. 

It has been exactly two y 
last looked at this record. Kalki 
to write a postscript. I can't think why. 

Two days after the dinner party at 
Blair House, Lakshmi miscarried. The 
baby—a girl, predicted—was born 
dead, and deformed. 

Lakshmi went into a deep depression. 
Kalki was grim. Giles was soothing: he 


ars since 1 
wants me 


Because youre out to live well...and spend smart... 


you get the Good Life both ways 
with a Playboy Club Key. 


Let's face it—the fun-seeking 
sensuelist in you has always 
wanted a Playboy Club Key for 
its own sake. But the other side 
of you...the steely-eyed, hard- 
nosed business type...wants to 
save money, too. No problem! 
Because having a Playboy Club 
Key means getting more than 
your money's worth—like dis- 
counts worth up to thousands 
of dollars on all kinds of ac- 
coutrements to the Good Life! 
dust take a look at all these. 
sense-pleasing, dollar-saving 
reasons you should be a 


keyholder. 


1 Your Own, In-Town 

e Shangri-La. Be welcomed 
at any of the fabulous Playboy 
Clubs— including the brand- 
new Playboy of Dallas 

—and Clubs in England and 
dapan. Relax and unwind as 
you enjoy superb cuisine, top 
entertainment, fast-paced disco 
action and Playboy-sized 
cocktails, all in the matchless 
Playboy atmosphere, where the 
service is impeccable, and 
beautiful and courteous Bun- 
nies attend your every need. 


Dinner for Two—Check 
2. for Ore! Enjoy sumptuous 
savings at America’s finest res- 
taurants, with Playboy Pre- 


ferred Passbooks. You'll get two 
entrees for the price of one, as 
well as sports, theater and hotel 
specials, in all these cities (offers 
vary from city to city): New 
York, Los Angeles, Chicago, At- 
lanta, Boston, Baltimore, Cin- 
cinnati, Detroit, Miami, New Or- 
leans, Phoenix, St. Louis, San 
Francisco, Milwaukee and now 
in the Atlantic City/Philadelphia 


Area (and soon in Dallas). Save 
$200.00 or more with any one 
of these Passbooks. 


3 Up to $25.00 Worth of 
Your Favorite Reading. 
Show your Key monthly at 
any U.S. Playboy Club and 
pick up your copy of 
PLAYBOY or OUI. It's a news- 
stand value worth up to $25.00 
a year. 


APPLY NOW 


The Good Life is yours for just $25 for the first year. So order 
your Key today and start enjoying the fun and solid savings 
that come with it. Simply complete and mail the attached 
postage-paid reply card. Or call TOLL-FREE 800-621-1116. 
(Illinois residents call 800-972-6727). 
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO TEXAS RESIDENTS: 


This offer of a Key is not aj 
Key, you must call 1б 


licable in Texas. To order your 


LL-FREE 800-621-1116. 


A Message from the President 


Veele A dant 


Victor A. 
Playboy 


. Lownes, President 
‘Clubs International. Inc. 


4 Dollars Off on Rent-a- 
Car Riding. Take off in a 
Budget* Rent a Car. Show your 
Budget Favored Saver Card 
and save $10.00 per week or 
$1.00 aday! 

The Ultimate Get- 
5. Away-From-It-All. When 
you've had enough of the gray 
and gritty city, indulge yourself 
at one of the beautiful Playboy 
Resorts and Country Clubs, 
where your Playboy Club Key 
gets you 10% off the posted 
room rete. These year- round 
fun places are loceted in Great 
Gorge, New Jersey and Lake 
Geneva, Wisconsin. (And if 
you're a dedicated urbanite, 
enjoy your 10% discount at the 
Playboy Towers on Chicago's 
famous Gold Coast.) 

Your Credit Cards Are 
6 e Welcome. You want to get 
fewer bills each month, right? 
All right, you won't get one 
from us for Club or Hotel pur 
chases. With your Playboy 
Club International Key you 
have the option of using any 
one of the five major credit 
cards or paying in the coin of 
the realm. No hassle. Only 
pleasure from PLAYBOY! 


PLAYBOY 


240 


assured us that nothing serious had gone 
wrong. He was absolutely certain that 
the next baby would be healthy. He gave 
his reasons. But then, unknown to Giles, 
Geraldine did blood studies of both Kalki 
and Lakshmi. 

On a cold, rainy morning, Geraldine 
сате into the living room at the Hay- 
Adams. She was still wearing her lab- 
oratory smock. When she is nervous, she 
develops a slight tic in her left check. The 
tic was in evidence that morning. 

Lakshmi is Rh negative," said Geral- 
dine. "Kalki is Rh positive." She sat in 
the chair opposite my desk. 

I knew exactly what she meant. Every 
mother knows about those incompatibil 
ties of blood that can exist between male 
and female. In great detail, Geraldine 
spelled it out for me while rain fell in 
sheets, made opaque the windows, dark- 
ened the room. 

Before Kalki, 13 percent of all Ameri- 
сап couplings occurred between. Rh-nega- 
tive women and Rh-positive men. 
"The first pregnancy resulting from such 
union had a good chance of being 
normal, but subsequent pregnancies were 
likely to be abnormal—until the recent 
development of a prophylactic serum 


called RhoGAM. If an Rh-negative 
woman is treated with RhoGAM imme- 
diately after the birth of her first child, 
her next baby will be normal. If she is 
untreated, subsequent babies can suffer 
fetal hydrops, stillbirth, kernicterus. 

Geraldine was precise, angry, guilty 
because, “I should have known their 
blood chemistry. . . ." 

Why?" I tried to comfort. her. 
all, you're not their doctor, Giles is. 

"Yes" said Geraldine. "Giles is their 
doctor.” 

When I saw what was in her mind, I 
joined her in a state of shock. 

From far away, I would hear my own 
voice saying what I hoped was true. “He 
must not have known.” 

“He knew.” 

Are you sure? I mean, isn't it possible 
that he made a perfectly honest mistake: 
1 chattered, hoping that the truth was not 
true and that the crime could be ex- 
punged with words. 

"Giles has known from the beginning 
thar they were vulnerable. So——" Ger- 
aldine stopped. 

“Why?” T asked. 

“Why?” she repeated. Then she tele- 
phoncd Kalki. 


“And now here's a rundown on who’. 
sleeping with whom from Ozzie Briggs, our reporter 
on extramarital affairs.” 


When Geraldine and I entered the 
Oval Office, Giles was already there. Lak- 
shmi was not. She had taken to her bed. 
Would not speak to anyone. Had to be 
forcibly fed. 

Kalki sat at the President's desk. For 
the first time since The End, he wore the 
saffron robe. Through the window back 
of his chair, I could sce the chickens in 
the overgrown rose garden. They clucked 
contentedly as they pecked for food. 

Giles sprang to his feet, face vivid with 
energy, intelligence. “Geraldine! Teddy! 
He tried to kiss Geraldine. She pushed 
him away 

Then Geraldine sat in a chair opposite 
Kalki's desk; opened her handbag: pro- 
af of papers. “Now,” she said, 
the problem— 

Giles interrupted her. He was entirely 
manic. “There is no problem! How could 
there be? I have personally studied every 
blood-chemistry report ever done on Kalki 


voice wis with- 
out emphasis. 

As Geraldine gave her analysis, Giles 
paced the room, wanting to interrupt 
but not daring to. Medical words like 
erythroblastosis were used. But despite the 
elaborate terminology, the meaning м 
altogether too clear. As was the solu 
which Geraldine proposed. 

“You and Lakshmi,” she said, “can 
have children only if, within seventy-two 
hours of delivery, Lakshmi is desensitized 
with a gamma globulin that contains a 
high titer of anti Rh antibody. This will 
render the killer antigen in the blood in- 
possible for her to 


car normal children. 
Kalki got the essential point. There 
was still time. “Where can we find this 


"We'll discuss that later," said Kalki. 

The RhoGAM was found, but it was 
too late. Lakshmi was permanently sen- 
sitized. Any child she might conceive by 
Kalki would be born dead or, techni- 
king, not really born at all. 
broke the news to hmi. I 
don't know what he told her. Shc has 
never mentioned the subject to either 
Geraldine or me. 

For a week, Kalki and Lakshmi went 
into seclusion. I rang Kalki once, I offered 
to do my usual chores in the garden. Kalki 
said that he would rather not see 1 
According to Geraldine, Lakshmi was still 
in a state of deep depression. She was 
not the only one. 

Eight days after the scene in the Oval 
Office, Kalki suddenly appeared in the 
[ 

"We've missed you," I said. 

“We've missed you, too. We want you 
to come to dinner tonight.” Kalki deared 


WHY YOU SHOULD BUY A PERFORMANCE CAR 
FROM A COMPANY FAMOUS FOR SAFETY AND 


DURABILITY. 


If you ever dreamed of 
owning a car that really 
goes, you should wake up 
to two considerations: will 
it keep you out of trouble, 
and how long can it keep 
on going? 

Introducing the 1978 
Volvo 242GT. It not only 
gives you the performance 
you're expecting but it’s 
built to deliver the safety 
and durability Volvo is 
legendary for. 


You also get something | 


totally unexpected in a 
Volvo: terrific looks. 

A silver metallic finish 
matched with black 
corduroy. 

The engine is a fuel 
injected, overhead cam, 
cross-flow four. The four- 
speed manual transmission 
comes with overdrive. 

For precise handling, 
the GT’s special suspen- 
sion system includes 
McPherson struts, stabi- 
lizer bars front and rear 
plus heavy-duty springs 
and shocks. Rack and 
pinion steering and steel- 
belted Pirelli CN36 radials 
are standard. 


The 242GT is also built 
to keep you out of trouble. 
You get dual brake cir- 
cuits with four power- 
assisted discs; a special 
valve on each rear brake 
line designed to minimize 
premature lock-up; and 
impact-absorbing front 
and rear ends surrounding 
a steel passenger cage to 
keep you out of really 
big trouble. 

As for the paint job, 
rust proofing and under- 
coating, theyre improve- 


ments on what has helped 
give Volvos an average life 
expectancy in Sweden of 
16 years. (Figure from the 
Swedish Motor Vehicle 
Inspection Company.) 

So before you spend 
your money on just any 
performance car, test drive 
the Volvo 242GT. АП 
things considered, it's one 
of the safest investments 
you can make. 


VOLVO 


PILTA T R О 


242 


pple cores off the last undestroyed sofa. 
Г apologized for the mess. 

Kalki sat down. He was unshaven, pale. 
"Giles knew about us all along.” Kalki 
spoke as if this were news. 

"So we guessed. But why didn't he 
warn you?” 

"Because he didn't want 10.” Kalki 
stared off into space. Then he spoke with 
slow precision. “Yesterday I went to see 
him at Blair House. He told me every- 
He told me that he had always 
known our problem, He told me that 
he had expected Lakshmi to become 
sensitized, He told me that he had 
had a vasectomy. He told me that 
1 Lakshmi. He told me that if the 
à race was to continue, it was now 
necessary for her to haye his child.” 

I saw what was coming with all the 
pilot about to crash-land a 
nd when she does, he, not you 
her of the new human race; 


“What did you do? 

“1 killed him.” 

I have brought this record up to date 
only to please Kalki, I can't think why 
he wants it. There will be no one to read 
п the future. 

There is not much talk at dinner. 
Lakshmi has become almost totally with- 
since the miscamiage. Kalki is 
a time. Of us all, Geral- 
dine alone continues to be her old self. 

Our days are hapb d. 1 have no 
idea what shmi does in Ше White 
House. I know that she bas not left the 
grounds for a year now. Occasionally, 
Geraldine visits her. When I ask how 
things are, Geraldine just shakes her head. 
Kalki spends а good deal of time fish- 
ng. He also sees to the henhouse, the 
livestock, the vegetable garden. 1 do the 
weeding. lt is astonishing how fast 
everything grows. Lafayette Square 
now a jungle, and grass is splitting the 
pavement of Pennsylvania Avenue. The 
wolves are still with us, but the tropical 
beasts either died during the first win- 
ter or all went South. The stillness is 
more noticeable than ever. 

We „ according to Kalki п the 
twilight period that precedes each new 
age of creation. 1 do not know about 
the new age. But I can testify to the 
twilight. We are all getting dim. To our- 
selves as well as to one another. Since 
we seldom speak of the old days and 
since we cannot speak of the future, as 
there ате no children for us to teach, 
we have only the present and there is 
not much in our present worth discuss- 
ing. We sit at the dinner table, saying 
next to nothi 


Kalki came into the 
t Room just as 1 wrote the above 
lines. He asked me to leave this record 
on the table. “The new people will 
want to know what it was lik 

“What new people? 

Kalki combed his wiry blond beard 


with dirty fingers. "There will be others," 
he said. “After the twilight.” 

“Do you really think that 
other survivors in the world? 
we occasionally discuss the possil 
ach of us knows that except for us. 
the human species has vanished from 
the earth. 

"E want you to 
pointing at this record, “that I have 
known from the beginning that we five 
would not be able to reproduce" I 
was careful mot to show surprise. Or 
disbelief. “Write that I have been test- 
ing each of the Perfect Masters. And 
each of you has lived up to expectations, 
including Giles. 1 told you that Giles was 
the necessary enemy 
I asked the hard question: “If you 
new what Giles intended to do, why 
didn't you stop h 

“АШ things conspire to make my hap- 
piness complete" Kalki quoted the 
line of the tale of Rama. "I am wl 
am. There is no questioning.” 
‘There is no logic, either.” I was bold. 
I have nothing to lose. 

Creation is without logic. Destruc 
ion is without logic. 1 am without logic. 
Because I am not human." Kalki spoke 
ia a low voice. He did not look at me. 
He might have been saying a prayer. 
Perhaps he was. "But that does not mean 
that there is no design in my universe 
When the twilight goes, I shall begin a 
ew cycle.” 

How? Lakshmi cannot have your 
children. Yet you thought she could. You 
were mistaken 


there are 


writes" said Kalki, 


“1 have always 
known that it could not be. But I was 
nt. 1 wanted to eliminate the 
time of twilight. 1 wanted to go straight 
to the golden age. І wanted it to begin— 
now—with our children. But Vishnu's 
plan. cannot. be altered. 
“You are Vishnu." 

I am his avatar, But I wear human 
flesh. I am limited by every sort of hu- 
man weakness. As Giles tried to outwit 
me, I tried to outwit my own desig 
He failed. I failed. Now I am 
linked with the single godhead whose 


human presence in history I was, am 
and will be.” 

“Complete the record as of today. 
Leave it here. On this table, They will 
find it useful” Since Kalki did not 
choose to tell me who “they” are, 1 
did not ask. 

Who is Kalki? I no longer know. Be- 


fore The End, 1 thought he was a bril- 
iant actor. After The Епа, I thought. 
he might be some sort of god or primal 
spirit made flesh. Since the death of 
Lakshmi's baby, I have no perception of 
him. I also have no interest in him. 

Wha ? Geraldine and 1 
healthy. We talk every now antl then of 
ng a tip. Bur like those Chekhov 


ladies in the play, we only talk. We 
never leave home. Anyway, 1 would be 
afraid to fly now. No jet has been proper- 
ly maintained for over а year. 

The best parts of my long days are 
when 1 take Jack and Jill and their 
children on walks. Although they enjoy 
climbing trees and behaving 2s monkeys 

© supposed to behave, they are always 


ger to get back to the Hay-Adams. 
Only this afternoon, 1 took them 
down to the banks of the Potomac 


River, where I sat on a log beneath a 
weeping-willow tree, with Eve on my lap. 
We watched the others, as they climbed 
trees, played tag, chattered constantly in 
their own language. At times, 1 under- 
they are “saying.” Iam plan- 
g to learn sign language. Apparently, 
monkeys can be taught to communicate 
in the same way that human deaf-mutes 
once did, with hand gestures. 

This afternoon, siting on that log 
beside the river, with Eve snuggled in 
my lap, I м happy. Small 
things give gr now. Let me 
list todays delights. Apple-scented air. 


Bright-red birds on the wing. Silver fish 
that briefly arc above the surface of a 
river that glitters in the sun like a silver 


fish's scales. The cold, clear, clean water 
of the river that makes no sound as it 
slides past me to the sea. The Child. 

. 
Winter, 43 ax. 


lam the last as I was the first. Lakshmi 
dropped her human body 21 years ago. 
Since the death of Teddy Ottinger 16 
years Geraldine and I have been 
happy together. This, too, was intended 
from the beginning. 

Late last night, Geraldine died, To the 
extent that I am human, I am sad that 
she is gone. Yet there was no real point 
for her to remain another day in the hu- 
man state. Our work is complete. Present- 
ly, E shall join them all in Vaikuntha. 

An entire new race of Bi 5 is now 
on the threshold of a most holy epoch. 
As I sit in this cold and derelict mansion, 
I can hear the singing and the praying 
and the sheer joyfulness of earth's new 
heirs, my loyal allies in the war with 
Ravana, the descendants of Jack and Jill 
to whom I now bequeath the golden age. 
For am I not the highest of the high? The 
lord of songs, the lord of sa сєз? 

1 am breath. 1 am spirit. 1 am the 
supreme lord. 1 alone was before all 
things, and І exist and 1 shall be. No 
other transcends me. I am eternal 
not eternal, discernible and undiscern- 
ible. Е am Brahma and I am not Brahma. 
1 am without beginning, middle or end. 
At the time of the end, late all 
worlds, 

I am Siva. 


1 annihi 


This ts the conclusion of “Kalki.” 


Frosty fresh. 
апа fully satisfying. 


(with a lot less tar) 


te'Filler 


1005 

only IO mg.tar 
Kings 

only 8mg.tar 


KENT | 


Menthol 


LowTar& Nicotine Famous Micronit 


Lower in tar than all these menthols: 
Sa eee = 


Salem 
[——| 
1 
0.8 MG NIC. 


17 13 12 17 18 16 
MG TAR MG TAR MG TAR MG TAR. MG TAR MG TAR MGTAR. MG TAR MG TAR. 
12MGNIC. O8MGNIC. 13MGNIC. .IOMGNIC. O9MGNIC 10MGNIC 13MGNIC O9MGNIC. 1.3MGNIC. 


Of All Brands Sold: Lowest tar: 0.5 mg."tar," 0.05 mg. nicoune; 
Kent Golden Lights: Kings Menthol—8 mg."tar," 0.7 mg. Warning: The Surgeon Ge 
nicotine av, per cigarette FTC Report, August 1977. 100's Menthol — 


al Has Determined 
hat Ci 
10 mg."tar." 0.9 mg. nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC Method INEST 


erous to Your Health. 


* Е LIQUEUR. IMPORTED BY * 
LOR & CO., MIAMI, FLORIDA ©1977 


+ 


RICHARD I2UI 


PLAY 


BOYA 


HABITAT 
FAST FOOD 


at-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker man, bake a cake as fast 
as you сап... . And some beef Stroganoff. And a little 
onion soup with dumplings. And while you're at it, 
baker, man, we'll take our dry martini now, because 
once you've popped dinner into a mi- 
crowave oven, everything's going to 
be ready to serve quicker than you can 


say Jack Sprat. In fact, microwaves work so fast, they can throw 
a fledgling cook's timing off. Wine scampi, for example, can 
be ready to serve in seven minutes; two minutes to cook and 
five minutes to cool. The latest crop of microwaves also have 


such nifty features as memory recall, 


automatic on-off and a self-turning de- 
vice built right in. Now you're cooking. 


Left: GE's Jet110 micro- 
wave oven can be used for 
slow cooking as well as ~ 
fast; its electronic controls 

provide an audible beep, thus 

letting the cook know that each 
entry or instruction to the oven has 
been received, and it also stores the infor- 
mation for later use, $599. Above: The Model 

540 Meal-In-One microwave, by Litton, lets you 

cook up to three different foods at the same time; various 

touch controls include BRAISE, SIMMER, BAKE, SAUTE, ROAST, 

REHEAT, DEFROST, etc., $629. Top right: The Carousel R-9400 microwave 


automatically 
turns the food; it also 
has a memory unit and a Temperature Probe 
that enables you to cook as you would with a 
conventional oven, by Sharp, $599.95. Above: 
MGA's Magnatronic Range has four memo- 
ries—start, defrost, cook 1 and cook 2— 
which can be set to work automatically, $500. 


Left, clockwise from eleven: This ceramic microwave 
cookware includes: а Cook "п Server for bacon and 
eggs, etc., $19.95 for two, a Roast "n Rack for roasts, 
ham or fowl, $21.95, and a Meat 'n Fish Dish for 
just what its name says, $22.95, all by Masonware. 


245 


246 


FASHION 


LOOSE TALK 


s you already know from reading the fashion 

pages of ptaysoy each month, there's a European- 

inspired trend afoot to looser, more flowing male 

garb. This shift to fuller styles wasn’t lost on Al 
Arden, an enterprising young American importer of Euro- 
pean menswear. As so often happens to people in this line 
of work, Arden was bitten by the designer bug. He chose 
to scratch the ensuing itch by creating his own line of tunic- 
type tops and casual slacks. Arden’s label, Forward Gear, 
aptly sums up the type of avant thinking that's gone into 
his own designs. To the untutored eye, there are elements 
of Arden's new line that seem a little disconcerting. The 
materials he uses in his oversized tops, for example, at first 
seem to be better suited for furniture, draperies or even 
flour sacks. Arden likes open, airy weaves that look espe- 
cially great unbuttoned with the sleeves pushed up. And 
some of his detailing, such as lace-up wide sleeves, might 


МАВК CHINN 


seem to have been added for effect rather than function. 
Yet, once you get used to Arden’s innovative design 
changes, you realize that there's a tremendous amount of 
sophistication in the styles he has created. In fact, we're 
betting that as the public's fashion tastes become more 
educated to the new, looser looks, Arden will increasingly. 
be recognized for his creativity. In the past, the cloth- 
ing of the American male has traditionally reflected the 
somewhat pragmatic nature of our culture. Clothes were 
chosen for their function rather than form. Jeans were rug- 
ged to deal with a lifestyle that was rough and tumble; a 


business suit and tie created a neat, orderly image that said 


the wearer was a man you could trust. Now, in this post- 
Vietnam era, there is а new appreciation for what could 
justifiably be called the art of dressing. With the help of. 
such talents as Al Arden, it looks as though we're in for 
greater style and pleasure in clothes. — DAVID PLATT 


Above, left to right: a cotton pullover with long-pointed collar, six-button placket front, double button-through patch bellows breast pockets, 
оп-ѕеат side pockets and a removable belt, about $25; an airy, open-knit cotton pullover featuring contrasting trim, a stand-up collar, placket front 
and button-through flap-patch breast pocket, about $30; and a woven raw-cotton collarless shirt with raglan shoulders, lace-up wide sleeves, 
button-through flap-patch breast pockets, on-seam side pockets and а removable belt, about $25, all designed by Al B. Arden for Forward Gear. 


WHEELS. 


TWO FOR THE SHOW 


ome spring and, aside from the obvious, a young 
man's fancy also turns to thoughts of what he'd like 
to be wheeling on a long stretch of open road. One 
of the dream machines pictured below, the Panther 
6 (it has six wheels—get it?) can be special-ordered from its 
British manufacturer for about $96,000; it boasts an 8.2-liter 


turbocharged mid-mounted engine that theoretically deliy- 
ers a top speed of over 200 mph. The other car, BMW’s new 
733i, is just off the boat and more readily available—provid- 
ing you can come up with about $20,000 for it. Both cars 
can be drooled over at the Auto Expo show in Manhattan, 
April 24 to May 2, and the one in L.A., April 28 to May 7. Go! 


Above: Panther Automobile's Bob Jankel wanted to create a real road burner and that's what he came up with; his $96,000 Panther 6 
takes its six-wheel inspiration from the Tyrell Formula 1 racing car and boasts such creature comforts as a 17,000 B.T.U. air-conditioning 
unit, a TV, a digital-readout quartz clock set in the center of the tilt steering wheel and a special metallic paint job. Below: Somewhat 
more conservative-looking than the Panther 6, BMW’s new 733i is luxury on wheels; special features include an electrically operated 
gas filler capand outside mirror, a sunroof that opens two different ways, leather interior and disk brakes all around. Price: about $20,000. 


247 


© 1917 RON GALELLA 


GRAPEVINE 


Tough Semis 


“The first day was really tough,” says DUSTIN HOFFMAN of his first film nude scene in the 
just released ex-con drama, “Straight Time.” “You gel your clothes off and you want to h 
under the bedclothes asquicklyas you can. The atmosphere wasreally tense. [couldn't possi 
have gotten an erection under those circumstances; only people who get off on exhi 
could do that.” The object of Hoffman's ersatz desires is Theresa Russell (last seen in 1976's 
“The Last Tycoon”) and, according to Hoffman, their nontryst did see some progress. "The 
second day, felt a little bit more relaxed. Then, between shots, we were lying in bed and 1 
had my hand on Theresa's breast and 1 looked up and saw the cameraman working 
оп a crossword puzzle and suddenly it was easy. On the third day, 1 actually got a semi!” 


ean | 


What Becomes a Legend Most? 


You can have your Blackglama minks, Lillian 
Hellman, Shirley MacLaine and Lena Horne; 
legendary Orchesterfuhrer LEONARD BERN- 
STEIN prefers the elegant simplicity of a china 
dinner plate. In fact, our social sleuths on the 
high-culture scene whisper that Bernstein 
never goes anywhere unless his ensemble is 
topped by un chapeau de porcelaine. We're 
also told he uses butter knives for collar stays. 
All of which is why they call conductor Bern- 
stein the toast of the concert world. Honest. 


— > 
>» 


k 


Q, 
c 


\ 


SANTI VISALLI 


N 


Roz's Are Red 


When last spotted by our band of roving photogs, 
ROZ KELLY, the erstwhile Pinky Tuscadero of ABC's 
“Happy Days,” was mooning the minions at an L.A. 
bash. We tried to ring up Kelly to see what wasnew in 
her life but found she had recently dropped out of 
circulation. So, if you happen to read this, Roz, drop 
us a line and lel us know what you're up to. 


© 1977 ARTHUR AMSIE 


HOLZ | MICHELSON 


Say, Isn't That...? 


Whatever happened to that cute little 
dumpling who played a bit part in the Har- 
vard University production of Brecht's 
"Man's a Man” back in 1961? As you сап 
see, she grew ир to be FAYE DUNAWAY, 
Oscar winner. Dunaway was a summer 
student at Harvard when fellow actor 
Arthur Amsie snapped this publicity shot. 
More currently, Dunaway has just finished 
shooting the movie “Eyes,” in which she 
plays a high-fashion photographer. It's a 
long way from Harvard to Hollywood, 
true, but good cheekbones do help. 


“Don’t Wanna Feel My Pickle, 
Just Wanna Wash My Motor-sickle” 


When photographer Alberto Rizzo set up a shooting with “Saturday Night” star 
JOHN BELUSHI, Belushi suggested that part of the session be devoted to his impres- 
sion of Marlon Brando in "The Wild One.” Herenith, for the very first time, the 
result, Very good, John; but we don't think it’s as good as your bee impression. Belushi 
is doing nicely with his own career, having recently completed his first two feature 
films: the Jack Nicholson vehicle “Goin’ South" (due to open this spring) and 
“Animal House,” a salire of Fifties college-frat life produced by the "National 
Lampoon” and co-authored by sometime PLAvtoY contributor Chris Miller. 


PLAY BOY'S ROVING EYE 


n E 
Roughing It 
When our friends the Arabs tool around, they want to do so in style. And Detroit doesn't always measure up to their expectations, so free enterprise 
hascome to the rescue. Just take a Fleetwood limo, a Seville, a Mercedes, chop it and channel it, make it longer, and make that hog a hog. American 
саг customizers are doing а land-office business, mainly with our desert buddies. The price: $50,000 $150,000. “What they want,” explains Bill 
Suazo of Autoxport of New York, “is a palace on wheels.” Thebasic plan is to take a finished car, ripout the upholstery, seats and carpeting, and then, 
with blow torches and saws ablaze, slice the mother in half. The halves are then joined by anywhere from 12 to 48 inches of reinforced framing, 
heavy-duty shocks are added to handle the extra 150 to 3600 pounds, insulation is installed to withstand the 125-degree desert heat and a new 
suspension system and stabilizers are put in to prevent rear-end sway. Then comes the optional equipment: a wet bar, color TY, burled-elm console, 
telephone, refrigerator. One designer explains, “I throw in just any conceivable nonsense—they love it.” The cars, like these stretched-out limos 
made by Armbruster/Stageway, get only five to nine miles per gallon, one reason they're at home in Arabia. Gasoline costs 18 cents a gallon there. 


тет рту 


Teu 


ті 


Buffing It 


What should a Swiss photographer say to a naked lady? Cheese? 
When Francois Robert went to Naked City, Indiana, for the Miss 
Nude Galaxy contest last July, he was temporarily speechless. He 
saw nude women sitting sideways on lawn chairs facing left, nude 
‘women sitting sideways on lawn chairs facing backward, seminude 
women proud of their breastsand nude women doing shallow knee 
bends in front of dressed people. He also saw an aspect of civili- 
zation that does not exist in Switzerland, nor in many other 
postindustrial countries of the known world. And so he sent 
these pictures to us. Thank you, Francois, and thank you, ladies. 


252 


SEX NEWS 


FAMILY JEWELRY 


Last month in ptaysoy, in an article 
called Tom Swift Is Alive and Well and 
Making Dildos, D. Keith Mano profiled 
the mad scientists who manufacture sex 
gadgets. There was one ringer—a man 
more an artist than a technician—Doug 


PAT FIELD. 


Johns. Johns is a New Yorker known for 
his sculptures of the private parts of 
young ladies. (Your girlfriend has to 
hold the pose for three hours. The 
cost—from $20 to $600.) His master- 
piece is a 12-foot-high assemblage of 
90 cunts, but at $30,000, it's a bit steep. 
You might like to check out his collec- 
tion of erotic jewelry. Johns fashions 
tiny phalluses in silver to be wom as 
earrings, necklaces or bracelets (shown 
here, $210). You can peruse and fondle 
the artifacts at Erotics, 117 Christopher 
Street, New York, New York 10014. The 
gallery is open Monday to Saturday, 
one to seven P.M. 


DO-IT-YOURSELF ABORTIONS 


Paramedicine to the people. Over 
the past few years, we've noticed a 
healthy trend in American medicine: 
Increasingly, the tools of the trade are 


being put into the hands of the pa- 
tients. (See March’s Playboy’s Pipeline.) 
Women can now test themselves for 
pregnancy with early-pregnancy-test 
kits that cost about ten dollars and are 
97 percent effective. (On the ninth day 
after missing a period, a woman puts 
three drops of early-morning urine into 
a test tube, adds a chemical, shakes and 
waits. If a dark-brown ring forms, 

chances are the woman is pregnant.) 
It appears that in the near future, 
they will have the power to deter- 
mine the course of that pregnancy 
themselves—safely. The Upjohn 
Company is about to start clinical 
tests on a chemical variant of pros- 
taglandin that can induce menses 
within а few hours. (A fertilized 
egg in the uterus would then be 
washed out, thus terminating pregnan- 
cy.) The drug, which is contained in a 
slow-melt suppository, could be used at 
any time from one to several weeks 
after a woman has missed a period. A 
version of the drug is currently on the 
market for use in the second trimester. 
It must be administered by a physician. 


THE SPORT OF KINGS 


“The Clap Board,” an obscure V.D. 
newsletter, recently reported the fol- 
lowing: “А venereal infection similar to 
gonorrhea has struck some of Britain's 
top thoroughbred horses, causing se- 


vere losses and considerable embarrass- 2 


ment in the wealthy world of British 
race-horse breeding." Apparently, own- 
ers became suspicious when six famous 
stallions in residence at Britain's Na- 
tional Stud failed to impregnate their 
usual number of mares. Breeders are 
secretive about how far the disease has 
spread. If you suspect your horse, rest 
easy. Antibiotics cure the disease. 


The Encare Ov. 
into the vagina ten 
spermicidal si 


а new and long-needed birth-control suppository for women. Inserted 
nutes before intercourse, the oval effervesces to form a protec 
that lasts two hours. Apparently, there are no side effects (the main 


ble. The cos! 75 fora 


drawback of the pill and the I.U.D.). The method is 99 percent re 
12-pack, or approximately 31 cents a shot. Encare. The perfect gift tor non-Mother’s Day. 


COLD WAR CASUALTIES— 
THE SPY WHO COUIDNT.... 


Last spring, Dr. Mikhail Shtern was 
allowed to leave the Soviet Union. 
Now the former director of the Vin- 
nitsa Health Center has written a book, 
Sex in the Soviet Union, in which he 
claims that up to 90 percent of Soviet 
men suffer from impotence. Not that 
we blame them. It seems that approxi- 
malely half of the female population 
experiences some form of frigidity. The 


book goes on to charge that com- 
rades frequently expect sexual favors 
from female assistants. Shades of Eliza- 
beth Ray. The book is to be published 
in Paris this spring—we'll keep you 
informed on the English-language ver- 
sion. But before you call up the guys 
down at the V.F.W. post to celebrate 
the downfall of the Red menace, we 
have a bit of bad news. The Cold War 
apparently has had some effect on 
American men. Researchers investigat- 
ing sterility recently noticed that the 
normal sperm count for red-blooded 
U. S. citizens may have dropped since 
the early Fifties. For years, doctors have 
used the figure from 40,000,000 to 
50,000,000 sperm per milliliter of se- 
men as the normal count. Studying 
data from 1950 on, researchers have 
found that the number of men with 
sperm counts of 100,000,000 or more 
had dropped 50 percent, while those 
suffering low counts had doubled. The 
new average, or normal, count is con- 
sidered to be 25,000,000 sperm per 

milliliter.Atleast we can still get it up. 


The secret of 
Quasar's sharpest,clearest 
picture yet. 


The difference between a 
good television picture and a pmr 
great one is often no more than 


n Р 
hort 
a few inches. Омош 
Because the less distance picture tube. 


an electron beam has to travel 
from the back of your set to the lu 
front, the better the focus—and — 
the better you see. E 


Which is what makes our 


Our. convel 


new, compact Dynabrite" picture tonal pie~ NS 
tube so special. ше tbe = 


Shorter tube, sharper _ | 
focus. Because by first increas- 
ing the deflection angle of our Dynabrite 
tube to 100 degrees, we actually shortened it. 
So now our electron beam has less distance to 
travel 


Then we added a new, tri-potential electron 


gun that delivers a better focus 


Together these two improvements produce 


a smaller electron beam with a sharper focus 
than we've ever had before 


Yousee more. So now when you turn on 
your Dynabrite picture tube, every smile is 
brighter. 

Every face looks true-to-life. 

Every color is distinct. 

And you enjoy Quasar's sharpest, clearest 
picture yet 

Somefeatures 
that never change. 
Besides a great new 
picture, Dynabrite 
sets also feature our 
traditional Quasar 
quality and reliability. 
Because the show 
must always go on. And 

on. And on. 
So before you buy your nexttelevision set, 


Flesh tones are 
corrected automatically. 


come see the difference Dynabrite makes. 


Otherwise you just might spend the next few 


years missing out on quite a lot 


SIMULATED PICTURE 


makes television special again 


PLAYBOY 


THIS MONTH: 


GIVE 


PLAYBOY 


TO YOURSELF 
OR TO A FRIEND 


m 


[| Start 
| Г] my own 
LI my friend's 


Ц subscription today! 


1 year $14. (Save $11.00 
off $25 00 single-copy rate.) 
3 years $33. (Save $42.00 
off $75.00 single-copy rate.) 


O Bill me later. 
Payment enclosed. 


My Name (please 


Address 


City 
State Zip 


Send my gift to 


Name (please print 


Address Apt. = 


City 
State Zip 
Г] Send unsigned gift card 

to me. 


0 Send gift card signed 
From, 


Clip this coupon and mail to 


PLAYBOY 1 
Р.О. Box 2420 
Boulder, Colorado 80302 


FOR FASTER SERVICE 
24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS 
A WEEK, CALL TOLL-FREE 

800-621-1116. 
(In Illinois, call 800-972-6727.) 


Rates apply to U.S.. U.S. Poss.. APO-FPO 
addresses only. 

Canadian subscription rate, one 
year $15. 


254 Rum mom mmm mom d 


NEXT MONTH: 


En 
ы THE FAINT 


"n 


‘SEX CLUBS. WING WALK MIND CONTROL 


“HOW I CHANGED AS A MAN"—EVEL KNIEVEL, ART 
BUCHWALD, ROGER (007) MOORE, DR. BENJAMIN SPOCK 
AND OTHERS TELL WHAT WOMEN'S LIB HAS DONE FOR/TO 
THEM—COMPILED BY ROBERT KERWIN 


“NEW YORK'S SEX SPOTS"—THREE OF THE HOTTEST PLACES 
IN THE CITY TO DO IT IN A CROWD ARE PLATO'S RETREAT, 
NIGHT MOVES AND MIDNIGHT INTERLUDE. WITH OUR EX- 
CLUSIVE PHOTO COVERAGE, YOU ARE THERE 


“THE FAINT’’—NOBODY WAS GOING TO TIE THIS GUY DOWN. 
NOT, THAT IS, UNTIL HE HAD TO BRING ON THE SMELLING SALTS. 
A THOROUGHLY MODERN TALE—BY JOHN UPDIKE 


“MIND CONTROL''—WHY SHOULD YOUR GOVERNMENT BE SO 
INTERESTED IN PACIFYING THE POPULACE? MAYBE IT'S THAT 
ONCE IT HAS YOU BY YOUR METABOLISM, YOUR HEART AND 
MIND WILL FOLLOW—BY PETER SCHRAG 


“WING WALK"—WONDERING WHAT THE INTREPID CRAIG 
VETTER WILL DO NEXT? HE DOES A STAND-UP TURN ON A 
PLANE'S WING, THAT'S WHAT. HIS ACCOUNT OF HIS FOURTH 
DEATH-DEFYING STUNT IS NOT FOR THE WEAK OF HEART 


“THE DARKWATER HALL MYSTERY"'—A SPOOF IN WHICH DR. 
WATSON PRESUMES TO STAND IN FOR SHERLOCK HOLMES AND 
REVEALS ELEMENTARY LIBIDO—BY KINGSLEY AMIS 


“THE BOOKIE AS HERO"—ACTUALLY, THE FELLOW IS AN IN- 
VALUABLE PUBLIC SERVANT, OR THAT'S THE WAY IT APPEARS 
WHEN HE'S FOLLOWED FOR A DAY BY PETE AXTHELM. PLUS: 
“VEGAS BETTING PARLORS'-—A GUIDE TO THE ACTION IN 
NEVADA'S GAMBLING CAPITAL—BY JAY CRONLEY 


“PLAYBOY'S SPRING AND SUMMER FASHION FORECAST''— 
OUR ANNUAL PREVIEW OF WHAT YOU'LL BE WEARING WHEN YOU 
FINALLY THAW OUT—BY DAVID PLATT 


“COUNT TO 110"—YOU CAN DO AMAZING THINGS WITH THOSE 
NEW POCKET CAMERAS. JUST WATCH THE PROS AT WORK 


“THE BACHELOR KITCHEN"—EVERYTHING YOU'VE ALWAYS 
NEEDED, WHETHER YOU KNEW IT OR NOT, TO TAKE THE HASSLE 
OUT OF HAUTE CUISINE—BY EMANUEL GREENBERG 


\ 
^4! 


оин Wer A BLEND 20 Pnonr-iwPonrEo AND 
BOTTLED BY THE WINDSOR DISTILLERY COMPANY, NEW YORK, N. Y. 


This Canadian has a reputation for smoothness. 
So you won't catch him drinking anything less than the 
smoothest whisky around. 

Windsor. A whisky made with glacier fed 
spring water and aged in the clear, clean air of the 


Canadian Rockies. n 


Try Windsor. It’s got a reputat 


ion for smoothness. 


Merit 
SUrge 
Continues. 


‘Enriched Flavor cigarette attracting large 
numbers of high tar smokers. 


Low tar MERIT continues to gain momentum with Cigarettes having up to 60% more tar! 
hard-to-please smokers of higher tar cigarettes. Only one cigarette has ‘Enriched 
таза) Ете e ree Ar eer 


After 12 years of research with tobacco, scientists were — taste it 
able to isolate certain flavor-rich ingredients that deliver 
taste way out of proportion to tar, 
The result: ‘Enriched Flavor’ tobacco. Perhaps the first 
major breakthrough in cigarette smoking in 20 years 
And now high tar smokers are verifying it. 
In fact, 75% of all MERIT smokers are 
former high tar smokers —the toughest 
taste critics of low tar smoking. 
Further evidence comes 
from extensive taste testing 
involving thousands of 
smokers. 


"Tastedest Proof 
MERIT and MERIT 100% 
were tested against a number 
of higher tar brands. The results: 

Overall, smokers reported they 
liked the taste of MERIT and MERIT 
ToU ae much asthe АЛЛ ПАЛДЫК СА 
cigarettes tested 


Kings: 8 mg ‘tar,’ 0.6 mg nicotine av. per cigarette, FTC Report Aug’ 77 
100's: 11 mg’ ‘tar,’ 0.8mg nicotine av. per cigarette by FTC Method. 


Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined 


That Cigarette Smoking 1 Dangerous to Your Health. Kings & 100% 


© Philip Morris Inc. 1978